Wikiquote enwikiquote https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Main_Page MediaWiki 1.47.0-wmf.5 first-letter Media Special Talk User User talk Wikiquote Wikiquote talk File File talk MediaWiki MediaWiki talk Template Template talk Help Help talk Category Category talk Draft Draft talk TimedText TimedText talk Module Module talk Event Event talk 0 1 3949529 3892003 2026-06-06T11:57:36Z Koavf 6765 new key for [[Category:Main page]]: " " using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3949529 wikitext text/x-wiki <templatestyles src=":Main Page/styles.css"/> {{:Main Page/Header}} {{:Main Page/Quote of the day}} <div class="mainpage-column"> {{:Main Page/Selected pages}} {{:Main Page/Main categories}} </div> <div class="mainpage-column"> {{:Main Page/New pages}} {{:Main Page/Community}} </div> {{clear}} <!-- Sister projects --> <div style="box-shadow:0 0 0.2em #999999; border-radius:0.2em; margin:0.5em 0.5em 1em;"> <div style="background-color: #15610a; color: var(--color-inverted-fixed, #fff); border-radius: 0.2em 0.2em 0 0; padding: 0.4em 0.5em 0.5em 0.8em; font-weight: bold; text-align: center;">&#32;Wikiquote's sister projects</div> <div style="padding:0.5em 1em; border-radius:0 0 0.2em 0.2em;"> {{Otherwiki}} </div> </div> <!-- Wikiquote languages --> <div style="box-shadow:0 0 0.2em #999999; border-radius:0.2em; margin:0.5em 0.5em 1em;"> <div style="background-color: #036e66; color: var(--color-inverted-fixed, #fff); border-radius: 0.2em 0.2em 0 0; padding: 0.4em 0.5em 0.5em 0.8em; font-weight: bold; text-align: center;">&#32;Wikiquote languages</div> <div style="padding:0.5em 1em; border-radius:0 0 0.2em 0.2em;"> {{Wikiquotelang}} </div> </div> __NOEDITSECTION__ __NOTOC__ [[Category:Main page| ]] 86ej10tfpqp9ijnxja0wx5w7jhisl56 0 2 3949439 3945119 2026-06-06T06:20:47Z ~2026-33282-60 3337157 3949439 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File: Albert Einstein Head.jpg|thumb|A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer [[life]] are based on the [[labors]] of other men, living and [[dead]], and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.]] [[File:Albert Einstein photo 1920.jpg|220px|thumb|Socialism is directed towards a social-ethical end. Science, however, cannot create ends and, even less, instill them in human beings; science, at most, can supply the means by which to attain certain ends. But the ends themselves are conceived by personalities with lofty ethical ideals and — if these ends are not stillborn, but vital and vigorous — are adopted and carried forward by those many human beings who, half unconsciously, determine the slow evolution of society.]] [[File: Antonio Bisquert (1906-1990).JPG|thumb|Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions that differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions.]] [[File:Albert_Einstein_as_a_child.jpg|thumb|Blind obedience to [[authority]] is the greatest [[enemy]] of [[truth]].]] '''[[w:Albert Einstein|Albert Einstein]]''' ([[14 March]] [[1879]]&nbsp;– [[18 April]] [[1955]]) was a Jewish German theoretical [[w:physicist|physicist]], widely acknowledged to be one of the greatest physicists of all time. Einstein is known for developing the [[w:theory of relativity|theory of relativity]], but he also made important contributions to the development of the theory of [[w:quantum mechanics|quantum mechanics]]. Together, relativity and [[quantum]] mechanics are the two pillars of [[w:modern physics|modern physics]]. He won the 1921 [[w:Nobel Prize in Physics|Nobel Prize in Physics]] for his explanation of the [[w:photoelectric effect|photoelectric effect]]. :See also: ::'''[[Albert Einstein and politics]]''' ::'''[[Annus Mirabilis papers|''Annus Mirabilis'' papers]]''' ::'''[[EPR paradox]]''' ::'''''[[The Meaning of Relativity]]''''' ::'''[[On the Method of Theoretical Physics]]''' ::'''[[Bohr–Einstein debates]]''' == Quotes == <!-- Please keep chronology of quotes --> * ''❝Everything should be made simple as possible but no simpler.❞'' ** Repeated throughout his life, see: [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2011/05/13/einstein-simple/ Quote Investigator] === 1890s === [[File:Albert_Einstein_at_the_age_of_three_(1882).jpg|thumb|A [[happy]] man is too [[satisfied]] with the [[present]] to dwell too much on the [[future]].]] * ''Un homme heureux est trop content du présent pour trop se soucier de l'avenir.'' ** A happy man is too satisfied with the present to dwell too much on the future. ** From "Mes Projets d'Avenir", a French essay written at age 18 for a school exam (18 September 1896). ''The Collected Papers of Albert Einstein'' Vol. 1 (1987) Doc. 22. === 1900s === [[File:Einstein-with-habicht-and-solovine.jpg|thumb|The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.]] [[File:E=mc2.png|thumb|The mass of a body is a [[measure]] of its [[energy]] content.]] * ''Autoritätsdusel ist der größte Feind der Wahrheit.'' ** Blind obedience to authority is the greatest enemy of truth. :: Another translation: Authority gone to one's head is the greatest enemy of truth. ([https://books.google.com/books?id=P047AQAAIAAJ&q=%22Authority+gone+to+one%27s+head+is+the+greatest+enemy+of+truth.%22 Collected Papers, Volume 1, 1987]) :* Letter to Jost Winteler (July 8th, 1901), quoted in ''The Private Lives of Albert Einstein'' by Roger Highfields and Paul Carter (1993), [http://books.google.com/books?id=zY7FE9ZyDO0C&lpg=PP1&pg=PA79#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 79]. Einstein had been annoyed that [[Wikipedia: Paul Drude|Paul Drude]], editor of ''Annalen der Physik'', had dismissed some criticisms Einstein made of Drude's electron theory of metals. * ''Lieber Habicht! / Es herrscht ein weihevolles Stillschweigen zwischen uns, so daß es mir fast wie eine sündige Entweihung vorkommt, wenn ich es jetzt durch ein wenig bedeutsames Gepappel unterbreche... / Was machen Sie denn, Sie eingefrorener Walfisch, Sie getrocknetes, eingebüchstes Stück Seele...?'' ** Dear Habicht, / Such a solemn air of silence has descended between us that I almost feel as if I am committing a sacrilege when I break it now with some inconsequential babble... / What are you up to, you frozen whale, you smoked, dried, canned piece of soul...? ** Opening of a letter to his friend Conrad Habicht in which he describes his four revolutionary [[Annus Mirabilis papers]] (18 or 25 May 1905) [http://einsteinpapers.press.princeton.edu/vol5-doc/81?ajax Doc. 27] * '''E=mc²''' ** The equation originally expressed the equivalence of mass and energy as '''m&nbsp;=&nbsp; L/c²''', which easily translates into the far more well-known '''E&nbsp;=&nbsp;mc²''' in ''[http://www.fourmilab.ch/etexts/einstein/E_mc2/www/ Does the Inertia of a Body Depend Upon Its Energy Content?]'' published in the ''Annalen der Physik'' (27 September 1905) : "If a body gives off the energy L in the form of radiation, its mass diminishes by L/c²." ** In a later statement explaining the ideas expressed by this equation, Einstein summarized: '''"It followed from the special theory of relativity that mass and energy are both but different manifestations of the same thing — a somewhat unfamiliar conception for the average mind. Furthermore, the equation E&nbsp;=&nbsp;mc², in which energy is put equal to mass, multiplied by the square of the velocity of light, showed that very small amounts of mass may be converted into a very large amount of energy and vice versa. The mass and energy were equivalent, according to the formula mentioned before. This was demonstrated by Cockcroft and Walton in 1932, experimentally."''' *** ''Atomic Physics'' (1948) by the J. Arthur Rank Organisation, Ltd. ([http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTlpJ9ue04w Voice of A. Einstein.]) * '''The mass of a body is a measure of its energy content.''' ** ''Ist die Trägheit eines Körpers von seinem Energieinhalt abhängig?'' ("Does the inertia of a body depend upon its energy content?") ** ''Annalen der Physik 18'', 639-641 (1905). Quoted in ''Concepts of Mass in Classical and Modern Physics'' by Max Jammer (1961), [http://books.google.com/books?id=lYvz0_8aGsMC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA177#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 177] * '''We shall, therefore, assume the complete physical equivalence of a gravitational field and a corresponding acceleration of the reference system.''' ** Statement of the [[wikipedia:equivalence principle|equivalence principle]] in ''Yearbook of Radioactivity and Electronics'' (1907) === 1910s === [[File:Most_distant_Gamma-ray_burst.jpg|thumb|[[Nature]] shows us only the tail of the [[lion]]. But there is no [[doubt]] in my [[mind]] that the lion belongs with it even if he cannot reveal himself to the [[eye]] all at once because of his huge dimension.]] [[File:1919_eclipse_positive.jpg|thumb|It is by no means an idle [[game]] if we become practiced in analyzing long-held commonplace concepts and showing the [[circumstances]] on which their justification and usefulness depend...]] * {{anchor|DefClock}}By a [[clock]] we understand anything characterized by a phenomenon passing periodically through identical phases so that we must assume, by the principle of sufficient reason, that all that happens in a given period is identical with all that happens in an arbitrary period. ** "Principe de relativité" ''Archives des sciences physiques et naturelles'' (1910) ser. 4. 29 5-28 pp. 125–244, as quoted by [[Julian Barbour]], "The Nature of Time" (Mar 20, 2009) p. 7, [https://arxiv.org/pdf/0903.3489 arXiv:0903.3489.] * ''Die Natur zeigt uns vom Löwen zwar nur den Schwanz. Aber es ist mir unzweifelhaft, dass der Löwe dazugehört, wenn er sich auch wegen seiner ungeheuren Dimensionen dem Blicke nicht unmittelbar offenbaren kann. Wir sehen ihn nur wie eine Laus, die auf ihm sitzt.'' ** Nature shows us only the tail of the lion. But there is no doubt in my mind that the lion belongs with it even if he cannot reveal himself to the eye all at once because of his huge dimension. We see him only the way a louse sitting upon him would. ** Letter to Heinrich Zangger (10 March 1914), quoted in ''The Curious History of Relativity'' by Jean Eisenstaedt (2006), [http://books.google.com/books?id=d2bnXTOtCD8C&lpg=PP1&pg=PA126#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 126]. ** Variant: "Nature shows us only the tail of the lion. But I do not doubt that the lion belongs to it even though he cannot at once reveal himself because of his enormous size." As quoted by Abraham Pais in ''Subtle is the Lord:The Science and Life of Albert Einstein'' (1982), p. 235 <small> {{ISBN|0-192-80672-6}} </small> * ''Man begreift schwer beim Erleben dieser "großen Zeit", daß man dieser verrückten, verkommenen Spezies angehört, die sich Willensfreiheit zuschreibt. Wenn es doch irgendwo eine Insel der Wohlwollenden und Besonnenen gäbe! Da wollte ich auch glühender Patriot sein.'' ** In living through this "great epoch," it is difficult to reconcile oneself to the fact that one belongs to that mad, degenerate species that boasts of its free will. How I wish that somewhere there existed an island for those who are wise and of good will! In such a place even I should be an ardent patriot! ** Letter to [[wikipedia:Paul Ehrenfest|Paul Ehrenfest]], early December 1914. ''Collected Papers of Albert Einstein'', Vol. 8, Doc. 39. Quoted in ''The New Quotable Einstein'' by Alice Calaprice (2005), p. 3 * ''Es ist bequem mit dem Einstein. Jedes Jahr widerruft er, was er das vorige Jahr geschrieben hat.'' ** It's convenient with that fellow Einstein, every year he retracts what he wrote the year before. ** Letter to Paul Ehrenfest, 26 December 1915. ''Collected Papers of Albert Einstein'', Vol. 8, Doc. 173. * '''How does it happen that a properly endowed natural scientist comes to concern himself with [[wikipedia:Epistemology|epistemology]]?''' Is there not some more valuable work to be done in his specialty? That's what I hear many of my colleagues ask, and I sense it from many more. But I cannot share this sentiment. When I think about the ablest students whom I have encountered in my teaching — that is, those who distinguish themselves by their independence of judgment and not just their quick-wittedness — I can affirm that they had a vigorous interest in epistemology. They happily began discussions about the goals and methods of science, and they showed unequivocally, through tenacious defense of their views, that the subject seemed important to them.<br /> '''Concepts that have proven useful in ordering things easily achieve such authority over us that we forget their earthly origins and accept them as unalterable givens.''' [''Begriffe, welche sich bei der Ordnung der Dinge als nützlich erwiesen haben, erlangen über uns leicht eine solche Autorität, dass wir ihres irdischen Ursprungs vergessen und sie als unabänderliche Gegebenheiten hinnehmen.''] Thus they might come to be stamped as "necessities of thought," "a priori givens," etc. The path of scientific progress is often made impassable for a long time by such errors. [''Der Weg des wissenschaftlichen Fortschritts wird durch solche Irrtümer oft für längere Zeit ungangbar gemacht''.] '''Therefore it is by no means an idle game if we become practiced in analysing long-held commonplace concepts and showing the circumstances on which their justification and usefulness depend, and how they have grown up, individually, out of the givens of experience. Thus their excessive authority will be broken.''' They will be removed if they cannot be properly legitimated, corrected if their correlation with given things be far too superfluous, or replaced if a new system can be established that we prefer for whatever reason. ** Obituary for physicist and philosopher [[Ernst Mach]] (''Nachruf auf Ernst Mach''), ''Physikalische Zeitschrift'' 17 (1916), p. 101 * ...to the question whether or not the motion of the Earth in space can be made perceptible in terrestrial experiments. We have already remarked... that all attempts of this nature led to a negative result. Before the theory of relativity was put forward, it was difficult to become reconciled to this negative result. ** ''[https://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/einstein/works/1910s/relative/index.htm Relativity – The Special and General Theory]'' (1916), Part I: The Special Theory of Relativity, Experience and the Special Theory of Relativity * ''Unser ganzer gepriesener Fortschritt der Technik, überhaupt die Civilisation, ist der Axt in der Hand des pathologischen Verbrechers vergleichbar.'' ** Our entire much-praised technological progress, and civilization generally, could be compared to an axe in the hand of a pathological criminal. ** Letter to Heinrich Zangger (1917), as quoted in ''A Sense of the Mysterious: Science and the Human Spirit'' by Alan Lightman (2005), [http://books.google.com/books?id=-yo_gVxMs6MC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA110#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 110], and in ''Albert Einstein: A Biography'' by Albrecht Fölsing (1997), [http://books.google.com/books?id=Kmm0foYfvQAC&q=%22compared+to+an+axe%22#search_anchor p. 399] ** Sometimes paraphrased as "Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal." * The most beautiful fate of a physical theory is to point the way to the establishment of a more inclusive theory, in which it lives on as a limiting case. ** (1917) as quoted by {{w|Gerald Holton}}, ''The Advancement of Science, and Its Burdens: the Jefferson Lecture and Other Essays'' (1986) * ''Ich habe auch manchen wissenschaftlichen Plan überlegt, während ich Dich im Kinderwagen spazieren schob!'' ** I have also considered many scientific plans during my pushing you around in your pram! ** Letter to his son [[wikipedia:Hans Albert Einstein|Hans Albert Einstein]] (June 1918) * ''Geh Recht viel spazieren, dass Du Recht gesund wirst und lies nicht gar zu viel sondern spar Dir noch was auf bis Du gross bist.'' ** Make a lot of walks to get healthy and don't read that much but save yourself some until you're grown up. ** Letter to his son [[wikipedia:Eduard Einstein|Eduard Einstein]] (June 1918) * "The physical world is real." That is supposed to be the fundamental hypothesis. What does "hypothesis" mean here? For me, a hypothesis is a statement, whose truth must be assumed for the moment, but whose meaning must be raised above all ambiguity. The above statement appears to me, however, to be, in itself, meaningless, as if one said: "The physical world is cock-a-doodle-do." It appears to me that the "real" is an intrinsically empty, meaningless category (pigeon hole), whose monstrous importance lies only in the fact that I can do certain things in it and not certain others. ** Letter to Eduard Study, 25 Sept. 1918, in the Einstein Archive, Hebrew U., Jerusalem; translation in D. Howard, ''Perspectives on Science'' '''1''', 225 (1993). * I lie on the beach like a crocodile and let myself be roasted by the sun. I never see a newspaper and don't give a damn for what is called the world. ** Letter to Max Born, 1918, from The Born-Einstein Letters: Friendship, Politics and Physics in Uncertain Times, Macmillan (2005 edition), pg 7. * ''Liebe Mutter! Heute eine freudige Nachricht. [[wikipedia:Hendrik Lorentz|H. A. Lorentz]] hat mir telegraphiert, dass die englischen Expeditionen die Lichtablenkung an der Sonne wirklich bewiesen haben.'' ** Dear mother! Today a joyful notice. H. A. Lorentz has telegraphed me that the English expeditions have really proven the deflection of light at the sun. ** Postcard to his mother [[wikipedia:Pauline Koch|Pauline Einstein]] (1919) * ''Noch eine Art Anwendung des Relativitätsprinzips zum Ergötzen des Lesers: Heute werde ich in Deutschland als "deutscher Gelehrter", in England als "Schweizer Jude" bezeichnet; sollte ich aber einst in die Lage kommen, als "bète noire" präsentiert zu werden, dann wäre ich umgekehrt für die Deutschen ein „Schweizer Jude", für die Engländer ein "deutscher Gelehrter".'' ** By an application of the theory of relativity to the taste of readers, today in Germany I am called a German man of science, and in England I am represented as a Swiss Jew. If I come to be represented as a bête noire, the descriptions will be reversed, and I shall become a Swiss Jew for the Germans and a German man of science for the English! ** {{citation |title=Einstein On His Theory |journal=The Times |location=London |date=1919-11-28 |url=http://archive.timesonline.co.uk/tol/viewArticle.arc?articleId=ARCHIVE-The_Times-1919-11-28-13-011&pageId=ARCHIVE-The_Times-1919-11-28-13}}, quoted in Herman Bernstein: Celebrities of Our Time. New York 1924. p. 267 ([http://www.archive.org/details/celebritiesofour000452mbp archive.org]). Einstein's original German text in ''The Collected Papers of Albert Einstein''. Volume 7. Doc. 25 p. 210, and at [http://germanhistorydocs.ghi-dc.org/docpage.cfm?docpage_id=5438&language=german germanhistorydocs.ghi-dc.org] after Albert Einstein, Mein Weltbild. Amsterdam: Querido Verlag, 1934, pp. 220-28. Manuscript at [http://alberteinstein.info/vufind1/Digital/EAR000033998#page/7/mode/2up alberteinstein.info]. * The most simple picture one can form about the creation of an empirical science is along the lines of an inductive method. Individual facts are selected and grouped together such that their lawful connection becomes clearly apparent. ... The truly great advances in our understanding of nature originated in a manner almost diametrically opposed to induction. The intuitive grasp of the essentials or a large complex of facts leads the scientist to the postulation of a hypothetical basic law, or several such basic laws. From the basic laws (system of axioms) he derives his conclusions as completely as possible in a purely logically deductive manner. These conclusions, derived from the basic laws (and often only after time-consuming developments and calculations), can then be compared to experience, and in this manner provide criteria for the justification of the assumed basic law. ** [https://web.archive.org/web/20150119033423/http://einsteinpapers.press.princeton.edu/vol7-trans/124 "Induction and Deduction in Physics"], ''Berliner Tageblatt'', 25 December 1919. ==== ''Principles of Research'' (1918) ==== [[File:Buddhabrot-deep.png|thumb|The state of [[mind]] which enables a man to do [[work]] of this kind is akin to that of the [[religious]] [[worshiper]] or the [[lover]]; the daily effort comes from no deliberate intention or program, but straight from the [[heart]].]] : <small>[http://www.site.uottawa.ca/~yymao/misc/Einstein_PlanckBirthday.html Address at the Physical Society, Berlin, for Max Planck's 60th birthday]</small> * '''In the temple of science are many mansions, and various indeed are they that dwell therein and the motives that have led them thither.''' Many take to science out of a joyful sense of superior intellectual power; science is their own special sport to which they look for vivid experience and the satisfaction of ambition; many others are to be found in the temple who have offered the products of their brains on this altar for purely utilitarian purposes. '''Were an angel of the Lord to come and drive all the people belonging to these two categories out of the temple, the assemblage would be seriously depleted, but there would still be some men, of both present and past times, left inside. Our [[Max Planck|Planck]] is one of them, and that is why we love him.'''<br /> I am quite aware that we have just now lightheartedly expelled in imagination many excellent men who are largely, perhaps chiefly, responsible for the buildings of the temple of science; and in many cases, our angel would find it a pretty ticklish job to decide. But of one thing I feel sure: if the types we have just expelled were the only types there were, the temple would never have come to be, any more than a forest can grow which consists of nothing but creepers. For these people any sphere of human activity will do if it comes to a point; whether they become engineers, officers, tradesmen, or scientists depends on circumstances.<br />Now let us have another look at those who have found favor with the angel. '''Most of them are somewhat odd, uncommunicative, solitary fellows, really less like each other, in spite of these common characteristics, than the hosts of the rejected. What has brought them to the temple? That is a difficult question and no single answer will cover it.''' * '''The state of mind which enables a man to do work of this kind is akin to that of the religious worshiper or the lover; the daily effort comes from no deliberate intention or program, but straight from the heart.''' * '''Man tries to make for himself in the fashion that suits him best a simplified and intelligible picture of the world; he then tries to some extent to substitute this cosmos of his for the world of experience, and thus to overcome it. This is what the painter, the poet, the speculative philosopher, and the natural scientist do, each in his own fashion.''' Each makes this cosmos and its construction the pivot of his emotional life, in order to find in this way the peace and security which he cannot find in the narrow whirlpool of personal experience. ** Variant translation: One of the strongest motives that lead men to art and science is escape from everyday life with its painful crudity and hopeless dreariness, from the fetters of one's own ever-shifting desires. A finely tempered nature longs to escape from the personal life into the world of objective perception and thought. With this negative motive goes a positive one. '''Man seeks to form for himself, in whatever manner is suitable for him, a simplified and lucid image of the world, and so to overcome the world of experience by striving to replace it to some extent by this image. This is what the painter does, and the poet, the speculative philosopher, the natural scientist, each in his own way. Into this image and its formation, he places the center of gravity of his emotional life, in order to attain the peace and serenity that he cannot find within the narrow confines of swirling personal experience.''' ** As quoted in ''The Professor, the Institute, and DNA'' (1976) by Rene Dubos; also in ''The Great Influenza'' (2004) by John M. Barry * But what can be the attraction of getting to know such a tiny section of nature thoroughly, while one leaves everything subtler and more complex shyly and timidly alone? Does the product of such a modest effort deserve to be called by the proud name of a theory of the universe? In my belief the name is justified; '''for the general laws on which the structure of theoretical physics is based claim to be valid for any natural phenomenon whatsoever. With them, it ought to be possible to arrive at the description, that is to say, the theory, of every natural process, including life, by means of pure deduction, if that process of deduction were not far beyond the capacity of the human intellect.''' The physicist's renunciation of completeness for his cosmos is therefore not a matter of fundamental principle. * '''The supreme task of the physicist is to arrive at those universal elementary laws from which the cosmos can be built up by pure deduction. There is no logical path to these laws; only intuition, resting on sympathetic understanding of experience, can reach them.''' In this methodological uncertainty, one might suppose that there were any number of possible systems of theoretical physics all equally well justified; and this opinion is no doubt correct, theoretically. But the development of physics has shown that at any given moment, out of all conceivable constructions, a single one has always proved itself decidedly superior to all the rest. ** Variant, from Preface to [[Max Planck]]'s ''Where is Science Going?'' (1933): The supreme task of the physicist is the discovery of the most general elementary laws from which the world-picture can be deduced logically. But there is no logical way to the discovery of these elemental laws. There is only the way of intuition, which is helped by a feeling for the order lying behind the appearance, and this ''Einfühlung'' [literally, empathy or 'feeling one's way in']' is developed by experience. === 1920s === [[File:Spinoza.jpg|thumb|''How much do I [[love]] [[Baruch Spinoza|that noble man]]<br /> More than I could tell with [[words]]...'']] [[File:Old_Jerusalem_Jewish_Quarter_street_Mosaic_12_tribes.JPG|thumb|I am a [[Jew]] and glad to belong to the Jewish [[people]], though I do not regard it in any way as chosen.]] [[File:Albert_Einstein_photo_1921.jpg|thumb| Subtle is the Lord, but malicious He is not.]] [[File:Einstein_1921_by_F_Schmutzer_-_restoration.jpg|thumb| The [[value]] of a college [[education]] is not the [[learning]] of many [[facts]] but the [[training]] of the [[mind]] to [[think]].]] [[File:PNG_transparency_demonstration_1.png|thumb|The [[theory]] says a lot, but does not really bring us any closer to the [[secret]] of the "old one." I, at any rate, am convinced that ''He'' does not throw dice.]] [[File:Hoag's_object.jpg|thumb|I [[believe]] in [[Spinoza]]'s [[God]], Who reveals Himself in the lawful [[harmony]] of the [[world]], not in a God Who concerns Himself with the [[fate]] and the doings of [[mankind]].]] * ''Wie lieb ich diesen edlen Mann<br /> Mehr als ich mit Worten sagen kann.<br /> Doch fürcht' ich, dass er bleibt allein<br /> Mit seinem strahlenden Heiligenschein.'' ** How much do I love that noble man<br />More than I could tell with words<br />I fear though he'll remain alone<br />With a holy halo of his own. ** Poem by Einstein on [[Baruch Spinoza|Spinoza]] (1920), as quoted in [http://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&q=cache:i-4Gd4RHW3gJ:press.princeton.edu/chapters/s6681.pdf+max+jammer&hl=de&gl=de&pid=bl&srcid=ADGEESjMqxYX4kB2T1bfEXiMcwf_HE3uetROnsVm99yTeJxLw-8CHBpPjK16CpXW7n5wuR5wFLq5Yxgo14sSpVSTYXTmTT1DPz4pDDl4_z5eFR7mVqZn3ei9vF-rVVrRfwITDQeH7I5F&sig=AHIEtbShlMEqHZfrr0q5IJtYTNouk3VxAg ''Einstein and Religion'' by Max Jammer, Princeton UP 1999], p. 43; original German manuscript: [http://www.autodidactproject.org/other/einstein9-spinoza8.html "Zu Spinozas Ethik"]. * We may assume the existence of an aether; only we must give up ascribing a definite state of motion to it, i.e. we must by abstraction take from it the last mechanical characteristic which Lorentz had still left it. ... But this ether may not be thought of as endowed with the quality characteristic of ponderable media, as consisting of parts which may be tracked through time. The idea of motion may not be applied to it. ** On the irrelevance of the luminiferous aether hypothesis to physical measurements, in [https://www.refcm.org/scripture-science-stott/aarch/pages/12-einstein-sidelights-relativity.htm an address at the University of Leiden (5 May 1920)] * I am neither a German citizen nor do I believe in anything that can be described as a "Jewish faith." But I am a Jew and glad to belong to the Jewish people, though I do not regard it in any way as chosen. ** Letter to Central Association of German Citizens of the Jewish Faith, 3 [5] April 1920, as quoted in Alice Calaprice, ''The Ultimate Quotable Einstein'' (2010), p. 195; citing ''Israelitisches Wochenblatt'', 42 September 1920, The Collected Papers of Albert Einstein, Vol. 7, Doc. 37, and Vol. 9, Doc 368.<!-- obviously, parts of this can be taken out of context --> * In [[Lenin]] I honor a man, who in total sacrifice of his own person has committed his entire energy to realizing social justice. I do not find his methods advisable. One thing is certain, however: men like him are the guardians and renewers'' [Erneuerer] ''of mankind's conscience. ** Quoted in ''[https://www.google.it/books/edition/Einstein_on_Politics/_X1dAAAAQBAJ?hl=it&gbpv=1&dq=%22In+Lenin+I+honor+a+man,+who+in+total+sacrifice+of+his+own+person+has+committed+his+entire+energy%22&pg=PA413&printsec=frontcover Einstein on Politics]'', Princeton University Press, 2013, ISBN 9781400848287. * ''Es ist das schönste Los einer physikalischen Theorie, wenn sie selbst zur Aufstellung einer umfassenden Theorie den Weg weist, in welcher sie als Grenzfall weiterlebt.'' ** No fairer destiny could be allotted to any physical theory, than that it should of itself point out the way to the introduction of a more comprehensive theory, in which it lives on as a limiting case. ** ''Über die spezielle und die allgemeine Relativitätstheorie'' (1920) Tr. Robert W. Lawson, ''Relativity: The Special and General Theory'' (1920) pp. 90-91. * ''Raffiniert ist der Herrgott, aber boshaft ist er nicht.'' ** '''Subtle is the Lord, but malicious He is not.''' ** Remark made during Einstein's first visit to Princeton University (April 1921) as quoted in ''Einstein'' (1973) by R. W. Clark, Ch. 14. "God is slick, but he ain't mean" is a variant translation of this (1946) Unsourced variant: "God is subtle but he is not malicious." ** When asked what he meant by this he replied. "Nature hides her secret because of her essential loftiness, but not by means of ruse." (''Die Natur verbirgt ihr Geheimnis durch die Erhabenheit ihres Wesens, aber nicht durch List.'') As quoted in ''Subtle is the Lord — The Science and the Life of Albert Einstein'' (1982) by Abraham Pais <!-- Clarendon Press, Oxford, and Oxford University Press, New York --> [http://www.einsteinandreligion.com/faith.html einsteinandreligion.com] *** Originally said to Princeton University mathematics professor Oscar Veblen, May 1921, while Einstein was in Princeton for a series of lectures, upon hearing that an experimental result by Dayton C. Miller of Cleveland, if true, would contradict his theory of gravitation. But the claimed discrepancy was quite small and required special circumstances (hence Einsteins's remark). The result turned out to be false. Some say by this remark Einstein meant that Nature hides her secrets by being subtle, while others say he meant that nature is mischievous but not bent on trickery. [The Yale Book of Quotations, ed. Fred R. Shapiro, 2006] ** Variant translation: God may be sophisticated, but he's not malicious. *** As quoted in ''Cherished Illusions'' (2005) by Sarah Stern, p. 109 ** '''I have second thoughts. Maybe God ''is'' malicious'''. ** Said to [[wikipedia: Valentine Bargmann|Valentine Bargmann]], as quoted in ''Einstein in America'' (1985) by Jamie Sayen, p. 51, indicating that God leads people to believe they understand things that they actually are far from understanding; also in ''The Yale Book of Quotations'' (2006), ed. Fred R. Shapiro * When a man after long years of searching chances on a thought which discloses something of the beauty of this mysterious universe, he should not therefore be personally celebrated. He is already sufficiently paid by his experience of seeking and finding. '''In science, moreover, the work of the individual is so bound up with that of his scientific predecessors and contemporaries that it appears almost as an impersonal product of his generation.''' ** From the story "The Progress of Science" in ''The Scientific Monthly'' edited by J. McKeen Cattell ([http://books.google.com/books?id=453muO-6N4kC&pg=PA488-IA1#v=onepage&q&f=false June 1921]), Vol. XII, No. 6. The story says that the comments were made at the annual meeting of the National Academy of Sciences at the National Museum in Washington on April 25, 26, and 27. Einstein's comments appear on [http://books.google.com/books?id=453muO-6N4kC&pg=PA579#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 579], though the story may be paraphrasing rather than directly quoting since it says "In reply Professor Einstein in substance said" the quote above. * '''[I do not] carry such information in my mind since it is readily available in books. ...The value of a college education is not the learning of many facts but the training of the mind to think.''' ** In response to not knowing the speed of sound as included in the Edison Test: ''New York Times'' (18 May 1921); ''Einstein: His Life and Times'' (1947) Philipp Frank, p. 185; ''Einstein, A Life'' (1996) by Denis Brian, p. 129; "Einstein Due Today" (February 2005) edited by József Illy, Manuscript 25-32 of the Einstein Paper Project; all previous sources as per ''Einstein His Life and Universe'' (2007) by Walter Isaacson, p. 299 ** Unsourced variants: "I never commit to memory anything that can easily be looked up in a book" and "Never memorize what you can look up in books." (The second version is found in [http://www.loc.gov/exhibits/world/world-record.html "Recording the Experience" (10 June 2004) at The Library of Congress],<!--Found roughly 1/4 down the page--> but no citation to Einstein's writings is given). * The only justification for our concepts and system of concepts is that they serve to represent the complex of our experiences; beyond this they have no legitimacy. I am convinced that the philosophers have had a harmful effect upon the progress of scientific thinking in removing certain fundamental concepts from the domain of empiricism, where they are under our control, to the intangible heights of the ''a priori.'' For even if it should appear that the universe of ideas cannot be deduced from experience by logical means, but is, in a sense, a creation of the human mind, without which no science is possible, nevertheless the universe of ideas is just as little independent of the nature of our experience as clothes are of the form of the human body. This is particularly true of our concepts of time and space, which physicists have been obliged by the facts to bring down from the Olympus of the ''a priori'' in order to adjust them and put them in a serviceable condition. ** From the lecture "Space and Time in Pre-Relativity Physics" delivered at Princeton University in May 1921, printed in ''The Meaning of Relativity'' (Princeton University Press, 1923), the quote appearing on [https://archive.org/details/meaningofrelativ00eins/page/2/mode/2up pp. 2-3]. * Insofern sich die Sätze der Mathematik auf die Wirklichkeit beziehen, sind sie nicht sicher, und insofern sie sicher sind, beziehen sie sich nicht auf die Wirklichkeit. ** '''In so far as theories of mathematics speak about reality, they are not certain, and in so far as they are certain, they do not speak about reality.''' ** ''Geometrie and Erfahrung'' (1921) [http://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007%2F978-3-642-49903-6_1#page-1 pp. 3-4 link.springer.com] as cited by [[Karl Popper]], ''The Two Fundamental Problems of the Theory of Knowledge'' (2014) Tr. Andreas Pickel, Ed. Troels Eggers Hansen. * I was sitting in a chair in the patent office at Bern when all of sudden a thought occurred to me: ''If a person falls freely he will not feel his own weight.'' I was startled. This simple thought made a deep impression on me. It impelled me toward a theory of gravitation. ** Einstein in his Kyoto address (14 December 1922), talking about the events of "probably the 2nd or 3rd weeks" of October 1907, quoted in [http://www.worldnpa.org/pdf/abstracts/abstracts_23.pdf ''Why Did Einstein Put So Much Emphasis on the Equivalence Principle?'' by Dr. Robert J. Heaston] in ''Equivalence Principle – April 2008'' (15th NPA Conference) who cites A. Einstein. "How I Constructed the Theory of Relativity," Translated by Masahiro Morikawa from the text recorded in Japanese by Jun Ishiwara, Association of Asia Pacific Physical Societies (AAPPS) Bulletin, Vol. 15, No. 2, pp. 17-19 (April 2005)<!-- Einstein recalls events of 1907 in talk in Japan on 14 December 1922. --> * I have come to believe that the motion of the Earth cannot be detected by any optical experiment. ** ''How I Created the Theory of Relativity'', speech at Kyoto University, Japan, December 14, 1922, as cited in ''Physics Today'', August, 1982. * May they not forget to keep pure the great heritage that puts them ahead of the West: the artistic configuration of life, the simplicity and modesty of personal needs, and the purity and serenity of the Japanese soul. ** Comment made after a six-week trip to Japan in November-December 1922, published in ''Kaizo'' 5, no. 1 (January 1923), 339. Einstein Archive 36-477.1. Appears in ''The New Quotable Einstein'' by Alice Calaprice (2005), p. 269 * {{anchor|God doesn't play dice}} ''Die Quantenmechanik ist sehr achtung-gebietend. Aber eine innere Stimme sagt mir, daß das doch nicht der wahre Jakob ist. Die Theorie liefert viel, aber dem Geheimnis des Alten bringt sie uns kaum näher. Jedenfalls bin ich überzeugt, daß der nicht würfelt.'' ** Quantum mechanics is certainly imposing. But an inner voice tells me that it is not yet the real thing. The theory says a lot, but does not really bring us any closer to the secret of the "old one." '''I, at any rate, am convinced that ''He'' does not throw dice.''' ** Letter to [[wikipedia:Max Born|Max Born]] (4 December 1926); ''The Born-Einstein Letters'' (translated by Irene Born) (Walker and Company, New York, 1971) <!-- p. 90 --> <small> {{ISBN|0-8027-0326-7}}</small>. ** Einstein himself used variants of this quote at other times. For example, in a 1943 conversation with William Hermanns recorded in Hermanns' book ''Einstein and the Poet'', Einstein said: '''"As I have said so many times, God doesn't play dice with the world."''' ([http://books.google.com/books?id=QXCyjj6T5ZUC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA58#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 58]) * '''Whether you can observe a thing or not depends on the theory which you use. It is the theory which decides what can be observed.''' ** Objecting to the placing of observables at the heart of the new quantum mechanics, during Heisenberg's 1926 lecture at Berlin; related by Heisenberg, quoted in ''Unification of Fundamental Forces'' (1990) <!-- p. 98-101 --> by Abdus Salam <small> {{ISBN|0521371406}}</small> * '''Try and penetrate with our limited means the secrets of nature and you will find that, behind all the discernible concatenations, there remains something subtle, intangible and inexplicable. Veneration for this force beyond anything that we can comprehend is my religion. To that extent I am, in point of fact, religious.''' ** p. 157 London: Weidenfeld and Nicolson ** Response to atheist [[wikipedia:Alfred Kerr|Alfred Kerr]] in the winter of 1927, who after deriding ideas of God and religion at a dinner party in the home of the publisher [[wikipedia:Samuel Fischer|Samuel Fischer]], had queried him "I hear that ''you'' are supposed to be deeply religious" as quoted in ''The Diary of a Cosmopolitan'' (1971) by H. G. Kessler * ''Ich glaube an Spinoza's Gott, der sich in der gesetzlichen Harmonie des Seienden offenbart, nicht an einen Gott, der sich mit Schicksalen und Handlungen der Menschen abgibt.'' ** I believe in [[Spinoza]]'s God, Who reveals Himself in the lawful harmony of the world, not in a God Who concerns Himself with the fate and the doings of mankind. ** 24 April 1929 in response to the telegrammed question of New York's Rabbi Herbert S. Goldstein: "Do you believe in God? Stop. Answer paid 50 words." Einstein replied in only 27 (German) words. [http://select.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=F10B1EFC3E54167A93C7AB178FD85F4D8285F9 The New York Times 25 April 1929] ** Similarly, in a letter to [[wikipedia:Maurice Solovine|Maurice Solovine]], he wrote: "I can understand your aversion to the use of the term 'religion' to describe an emotional and psychological attitude which shows itself most clearly in Spinoza... I have not found a better expression than 'religious' for the trust in the rational nature of reality that is, at least to a certain extent, accessible to human reason." *** As quoted in [http://www.einsteinandreligion.com/spinoza.html ''Einstein : Science and Religion''] by Arnold V. Lesikar * '''If A is success in life, then A = x + y + z. Work is x, play is y and z is keeping your mouth shut.''' ** Said to Samuel J Woolf, Berlin, Summer 1929. Cited with additional notes in ''The Ultimate Quotable Einstein'' by Alice Calaprice and [[Freeman Dyson]], Princeton UP (2010) p 230 * '''I should unconditionally refuse every direct or indirect war service and try to induce my friends to adopt the same attitude, irrespective of the general opinion of the causes of war.''' ** When asked what his attitude would be in the event of another war, at a meeting of the Council of [[en:w:War Resisters' International|War Resisters]] in Zurich. *** As quoted in [https://www.jta.org/archive/einstein-would-refuse-any-war-services-no-matter-what-the-cause Einstein Would Refuse Any War Services No Matter What the Cause // Jewish Telegraphic Agency Bulletin, September 8, 1929] * '''Science is international but its success is based on institutions, which are owned by nations. If therefore, we wish to promote culture we have to combine and to organize institutions with our own power and means.''' ** When asked the question, "Why a 'Jewish' University?" when Einstein was assisting Chaim Weizmann in fundraising for The [[wikipedia:Hebrew University of Jerusalem|Hebrew University of Jerusalem]]. *** As quoted in [Albert Einstein, Letter "Einstein in Singapore." Manchester Guardian, October 12, 1929] ==== ''Sidelights on Relativity'' (1922) ==== : <small>'' Sidelights on Relativity'' (1922), translation by GB Jeffrey and W Perrett of ''"Äther und Relativitätstheorie"'' (Aether and Relativity Theory), a talk given on 5 May 1920 at the University of Leiden, and ''"Geometrie und Erfahrung"'' (Geometry and Experience), a lecture given at the Prussian Academy published in ''Sitzungsberichte der Preussischen Akademie der Wissenschaften'', 1921 (pt. 1), pp. 123–130</small> * How can it be that mathematics, being, after all, a product of human thought which is independent of experience, is so admirably appropriate to the objects of reality? Is human reason, then, without experience, merely by taking thought, able to fathom the properties of real things? * One reason why mathematics enjoys special esteem, above all other sciences, is that its laws are absolutely certain and indisputable, while those of other sciences are to some extent debatable and in constant danger of being overthrown by newly discovered facts. ==== Viereck interview (1929) ==== : <small>"What Life Means to Einstein: An Interview by George Sylvester Viereck" ''The Saturday Evening Post'' (26 October 1929), p. 17. A scan of the article is available online [http://www.saturdayeveningpost.com/wp-content/uploads/satevepost/what_life_means_to_einstein.pdf here]. A transcription is available [https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/vierecks-interview-einstein-1929-francesco-vissani-phd/ here]. </small> [[File:Einstein_gyro_gravity_probe_b.jpg|thumb|I am enough of an [[artist]] to draw freely upon my [[imagination]]. Imagination is more important than [[knowledge]]. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the [[world]].]] [[File:Tiffany_Jesus_Window_in_Pullman_Memorial_Universalist_Church.jpg|thumb|I am a [[Jew]], but I am enthralled by the luminous figure of [[Jesus|the Nazarene]].]] [[File:Wassilij_Dimitriewitsch_Polenow_005.jpg|thumb|No one can read the Gospels without feeling the actual presence of [[Jesus]]. His [[personality]] pulsates in every [[word]]. No [[myth]] is filled with such [[life]].]] [[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 102-00487A, Albert Einstein (cropped).jpg|thumb|I look upon myself as a man. [[Nationalism]] is an infantile [[disease]]. It is the measles of [[mankind]].]] * The meaning of relativity has been widely misunderstood. Philosophers play with the word, like a child with a doll. Relativity, as I see it, merely denotes that certain physical and mechanical facts, which have been regarded as positive and permanent, are relative with regard to certain other facts in the sphere of physics and mechanics. It does not mean that everything in life is relative and that we have the right to turn the whole world mischievously topsy-turvy. * No man can [[Visualization|visualize]] four dimensions, except mathematically ... I think in four dimensions, but only abstractly. The human mind can picture these dimensions no more than it can envisage electricity. Nevertheless, they are no less real than electro-magnetism, the force which controls our universe, within, and by which we have our being. * Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing. ** Quoted in ''The Ultimate Quotable Einstein'' by Alice Calaprice (2010), p. 230 * I refuse to make money out of my science. My laurel is not for sale like so many bales of cotton. * '''If I was not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music. ... I cannot tell if I would have done any creative work of importance in music, but I do know that I get most joy in life out of my violin.''' * '''Reading after a certain age diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits. Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking''', just as the man who spends too much time in the theater is tempted to be content with living vicariously instead of living his own life. * Our time is Gothic in its spirit. Unlike the Renaissance, it is not dominated by a few outstanding personalities. The twentieth century has established the democracy of the intellect. In the republic of art and science, there are many men who take an equally important part in the intellectual movements of our age. It is the epoch rather than the individual that is important. There is no one dominant personality like Galileo or Newton. Even in the nineteenth century, there were still a few giants who outtopped all others. Today the general level is much higher than ever before in the history of the world, but there are few men whose stature immediately sets them apart from all others. * In America, more than anywhere else, the individual is lost in the achievements of the many. America is beginning to be the world leader in a scientific investigation. American scholarship is both patient and inspiring. The Americans show an unselfish devotion to science, which is the very opposite of the conventional European view of your countrymen. '''Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.''' It is not true that the dollar is an American fetish. The American student is not interested in dollars, not even in success as such, but in his task, the object of the search. It is his painstaking application to the study of the infinitely little and the infinitely large which accounts for his success in astronomy. * We are inclined to overemphasize the material influences in history. The Russians especially make this mistake. Intellectual values and ethnic influences, tradition and emotional factors are equally important. If this were not the case, Europe would today be a federated state, not a madhouse of nationalism. * I am a determinist. As such, I do not believe in free will. The Jews believe in free will. They believe that man shapes his own life. I reject that doctrine philosophically. In that respect, I am not a Jew. ** Quoted in ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=dJMpQagbz_gC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA387#v=onepage&q&f=false Einstein: His Life and Universe]'' by Walter Isaacson, p. 387 * I believe with [[Arthur Schopenhauer|Schopenhauer]]: We can do what we wish, but we can only wish what we must. Practically, I am, nevertheless, compelled to act as if freedom of the will existed. If I wish to live in a civilized community, I must act as if man is a responsible being. I know that philosophically a murderer is not responsible for his crime; nevertheless, I must protect myself from unpleasant contacts. I may consider him guiltless, but I prefer not to take tea with him. * My own career was undoubtedly determined, not by my own will but by various factors over which I have no control—primarily those mysterious glands in which Nature prepares the very essence of life, our internal secretions. * Whereas materialistic historians and philosophers neglect psychic realities, Freud is inclined to overstress their importance. I am not a psychologist, but it seems to me fairly evident that physiological factors, especially our endocrines, control our destiny ... I am not able to venture a judgment on so important a phase of modern thought. However, it seems to me that psychoanalysis is not always salutary. It may not always be helpful to delve into the subconscious. The machinery of our legs is controlled by a hundred different muscles. Do you think it would help us to walk if we analyzed our legs and knew exactly which one of the little muscles must be employed in locomotion and the order in which they work? ... I am not prepared to accept all his [Freud's] conclusions, but I consider his work an immensely valuable contribution to the science of human behavior. I think he is even greater as a writer than as a psychologist. Freud's brilliant style is unsurpassed by anyone since Schopenhauer. * The only progress I can see is progress in the organization. The ordinary human being does not live long enough to draw any substantial benefit from his own experience. And no one, it seems, can benefit by the experiences of others. Being both a father and teacher, I know we can teach our children nothing. We can transmit to them neither our knowledge of life nor of mathematics. Each must learn its lesson anew. * '''I believe in intuitions and inspirations. I sometimes feel that I am right. I do not know that I am.''' When two expeditions of scientists, financed by the Royal Academy, went forth to test my theory of relativity, I was convinced that their conclusions would tally with my hypothesis. I was not surprised when the eclipse of May 29, 1919, confirmed my intuitions. I would have been surprised if I had been wrong. * '''I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.''' * '''As a child, I received instruction both in the Bible and in the Talmud. I am a Jew, but I am enthralled by the luminous figure of the Nazarene.''' * Jesus is too colossal for the pen of phrasemongers, however artful. No man can dispose of Christianity with a ''bon mot''. * '''No one can read the Gospels without feeling the actual presence of Jesus. His personality pulsates in every word. No myth is filled with such life.''' ** As reported in ''Einstein — A Life'' (1996) by Denis Brian, when asked about a clipping from a magazine article reporting his comments on Christianity as taken down by Viereck, Einstein carefully read the clipping and replied, '''" That is what I believe."''' . * It is quite possible to be both. I look upon myself as a man. '''Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind.''' ** When asked by Viereck if he considered himself to be a German or a Jew. A version with slightly different wording is quoted in [http://books.google.com/books?id=dJMpQagbz_gC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA386#v=onepage&q&f=false Einstein: His Life and Universe] by Walter Isaacson (2007), p. 386 * We Jews have been too adaptable. We have been too eager to sacrifice our idiosyncrasies for the sake of social conformity. ... Even in modern civilization, the Jew is most happy if he remains a Jew. * I do not think that religion is the most important element. We are held together rather by a body of tradition, handed down from father to son, which the child imbibes with his mother's milk. The atmosphere of our infancy predetermines our idiosyncrasies and predilections. ** In response to a question about whether religion is the tie holding the Jews together. * But to return to the Jewish question. Other groups and nations cultivate their individual traditions. There is no reason why we should sacrifice ours. '''Standardization robs life of its spice.''' To deprive every ethnic group of its special traditions is to convert the world into a huge Ford plant. '''I believe in standardizing automobiles. I do not believe in standardizing human beings.''' Standardization is a great peril which threatens American culture. * I am happy because I want nothing from anyone. I do not care about money. Decorations, titles or distinctions mean nothing to me. I do not crave praise. The only thing that gives me pleasure, apart from my work, my violin, and my sailboat, is the appreciation of my fellow workers. * I claim credit for nothing. Everything is determined, the beginning as well as the end, by forces over which we have no control. It is determined for the insect as well as for the star. Human beings, vegetables or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible player. * '''I am not an Atheist. I do not know if I can define myself as a Pantheist. The problem involved is too vast for our limited minds. May I not reply with a parable? The human mind, no matter how highly trained, cannot grasp the universe. We are in the position of a little child, entering a huge library whose walls are covered to the ceiling with books in many different tongues. The child knows that someone must have written those books. It does not know who or how. It does not understand the languages in which they are written. The child notes a definite plan in the arrangement of the books, a mysterious order, which it does not comprehend, but only dimly suspects. That, it seems to me, is the attitude of the human mind, even the greatest and most cultured, toward God.''' We see a universe marvelously arranged, obeying certain laws, but we understand the laws only dimly. Our limited minds cannot grasp the mysterious force that sways the constellations. I am fascinated by Spinoza's Pantheism. I admire even more his contributions to modern thought. Spinoza is the greatest of modern philosophers because he is the first philosopher who deals with the soul and the body as one, not as two separate things. ** Did not appear in ''Saturday Evening Post'' story, but in ''Glimpses of the Great'' (1930) by G. S. Viereck<!-- Macauley, New York -->, on [https://archive.org/details/dli.ernet.13528/page/373/mode/2up p. 373]. There have been [http://www.einsteinandreligion.com/spinoza.html disputes on the accuracy] of this quotation. ** Sometimes misquoted as "I don't think I can call myself a pantheist". ** Variant, from [http://books.google.com/books?id=dJMpQagbz_gC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA386#v=onepage&q&f=false Einstein: His Life and Universe] by Walter Isaacson, p. 386: I'm not an atheist. The problem involved is too vast for our limited minds. We are in the position of a little child entering a huge library filled with books in many languages. The child knows someone must have written these books. It does not know-how. It does not understand the languages in which they are written. The child dimly suspects a mysterious order in the arrangement of the books but doesn't know what it is. That, it seems to me, is the attitude of even the most intelligent human being toward God. We see the universe marvelously arranged and obeying certain laws but only dimly understand these laws. ** Variant, from Mieczyslaw Taube's ''Evolution of Matter and Energy on a Cosmic and Planetary Scale'' (1985), page 1: "The human mind is not capable of grasping the Universe. We are like a little child entering a huge library. The walls are covered to the ceilings with books in many different tongues. The child knows that someone must have written these books. It does not know who or how. It does not understand the languages in which they are written. But the child notes a definite plan in the arrangement of the books - a mysterious order which it does not comprehend, but only dimly suspects." * I am fascinated by Spinoza's pantheism, but I admire even more his contribution to modern thought because he is the first philosopher to deal with the soul and body as one, and not two separate things. ** Did not appear in the ''Saturday Evening Post'' story, but quoted in [http://books.google.com/books?id=dJMpQagbz_gC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA387#v=onepage&q&f=false Einstein: His Life and Universe] by Walter Isaacson, p. 387, in the section discussing Viereck's interview. === 1930s === [[File:PennyFarthing.svg|thumb|[[Life]] is like riding a [[bicycle]]. To keep your [[balance]] you must keep [[moving]].]] [[File:Einstein_and_Tagore_Berlin_14_July_1930.jpg|thumb| I [[believe]] that whatever we do or [[live]] for has its [[causality]]; it is [[good]], however, that we cannot see through to it.]] * '''Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.''' ** Letter to his son Eduard (5 February 1930), as quoted in [[wikipedia:Walter Isaacson|Walter Isaacson]], ''Einstein: His Life and Universe'' (2007), p. 367 * '''I believe that whatever we do or live for has its causality; it is good, however, that we cannot see through to it.''' ** Interview with [[Rabindranath Tagore]] (14 April 1930), published in ''The Religion of Man'' (1930) by Rabindranath Tagore, p. 222, and in ''The Tagore Reader'' (1971) edited by [[wikipedia: Amiya Chakravarty|Amiya Chakravarty]] * The really good music, whether of the East or of the West, cannot be analyzed. ** Interview with [[Rabindranath Tagore]] (14 April 1930), published in ''The Religion of Man'' (1930) by Rabindranath Tagore, p. 222, and in ''The Tagore Reader'' (1971) edited by Amiya Chakravarty * I never think of the future. It comes soon enough. ** Attributed in ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=Af84fBmzmVYC&pg=PA305&dq=Belgenland The Encarta Book of Quotations]'' to an interview on the ''Belgenland'' (December 1930), which was the ship on which he arrived in New York that month. According to ''The Ultimate Quotable Einstein'' by Alice Calaprice (2010), [http://books.google.com/books?id=G_iziBAPXtEC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA18#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 18], the quote also appears as "Aphorism, 1945-1946" in the Einstein Archives 36-570. Calaprice speculates that "perhaps it was recalled later and inserted into the archives under the later date." According to a snippet on Google Books, the phrase '"I never think of the future," he said. "It comes soon enough."' appears in ''The Literary Digest: Volume 107'' on p. 29, in an article titled "We May Not 'Get' Relativity, But We Like Einstein" from [http://books.google.com/books?id=T0A_AAAAMAAJ&q=%22we+like+einstein%22#search_anchor 27 December 1930]. The [http://books.google.com/books?id=T0A_AAAAMAAJ&q=belgenland+%22I+never+think+of+the+future%22+%22it+comes+soon+enough%22#search_anchor snippet] also discusses the "welcome to Professor Einstein on the ''Belgenland''" in New York * Besides agreeing with the aims of [[vegetarianism]] for aesthetic and moral reasons, it is my view that a vegetarian manner of living by its purely physical effect on the human temperament would most beneficially influence a lot of mankind. ** From a letter to Hermann Huth, Vice-President of the German Vegetarian Federation (27 December 1930). Supposedly published in German magazine ''Vegetarische Warte'', which existed from 1882 to 1935. Einstein Archive 46-756. Quoted in ''The Ultimate Quotable Einstein'' by Alice Calaprice (2011), [//books.google.it/books?id=G_iziBAPXtEC&pg=PA453 p. 453]. <small>{{ISBN|978-0-691-13817-6}}</small> * ''Die Diktatur bringt den Maulkorb und dieser die Stumpfheit. Wissenschaft kann nur gedeihen in einer Atmosphäre des Freien Wortes.'' ** A dictatorship means muzzles all round and consequently stultification. '''Science can flourish only in an atmosphere of free speech'''. *** "Science and Dictatorship," in ''Dictatorship on Its Trial, by Eminent Leaders of Modern Thought'' (1930) - later as ''Dictatorship on Trial'' (1931), Otto Forst de Battaglia (1889-1965), ed., Huntley Paterson, trans., introduction by [[Winston Churchill]], George G. Harrap & Co., (Reprinted 1977, Beaufort Books Inc., {{ISBN|0836916077}} {{ISBN|9780836916072}} p. 107. [https://books.google.com/books?id=IjsiAAAAMAAJ&dq=9780836916072&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22only+in+an+atmosphere+of+free+speech%22][https://books.google.com/books?id=alq9M3_8qIcC&dq=9780836916072&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj9w8nJkYfKAhUL12MKHf5uCscQ6AEIHDAA] [http://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt/search?q1=%22Science%20can%20flourish%20only%20in%20an%20atmosphere%20of%20free%20speech%22;id=uc1.%24b47955;view=1up;seq=9;start=1;sz=10;page=search;orient=0] [http://catalog.hathitrust.org/Record/000590821] <small>Original text of this [https://www.google.com/#tbm=bks&q=%22Albert+Einstein+in+his+nineteen+word+essay+on+Science+and+Dictatorship%22 "nineteen word essay"] appears under the German title, "Wissenschaft und Diktatur" in ''Prozess der Diktatur'' (1930), Otto Forst de Battaglia (1889-1965), ed., Amalthea-Verlag, p.108. [https://books.google.com/books?id=Q9DRAAAAMAAJ&dq=editions%3ATP1X5VVtHxAC&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22Die+Diktatur+bringt+den+maulkorb+und+dieser+die+stumpfheit.+Wissenschaft+kann+nur+gedeihen+in+einer+Atmosph%C3%A4re+des+freien+Wortes%22]</small> * ''Der Glaube an eine vom wahrnehmenden Subjekt unabhängige Außenwelt liegt aller Naturwissenschaft zugrunde.'' ** First sentence of "''Maxwells Einfluss auf die Entwicklung der Auffassung des Physikalisch-Realen''". Manuscript at the Hebrew University Jerusalem [http://alberteinstein.info/vufind1/Digital/EAR000034102#page/1/mode/2up alberteinstein.info] ** The belief in an external world independent of the perceiving subject is the basis of all natural science. ** From "Maxwell's Influence on the Evolution of the Idea of Physical Reality," 1931. Available in Einstein Archives: 65-382 * The scientific organization and comprehensive exposition in accessible form of the Talmud has a twofold importance for us Jews. It is important in the first place that the high cultural values of the Talmud should not be lost to modern minds among the Jewish people nor to science, but should operate further as a living force. In the second place, The Talmud must be made an open book to the world, in order to cut the ground from under certain malevolent attacks, of anti-Semitic origin, which borrow countenance from the obscurity and inaccessibility of certain passages in the Talmud. To support this cultural work would thus mean an important achievement for the Jewish people. ** From a letter by Albert Einstein to Professor Chaim Tchernowitz (31 December 1930) of the Jewish Institute of Religion in New York (Hebrew Union College). Jewish Telegraphic Agency (Jewish Daily Bulletin) * '''Why does this magnificent applied science which saves work and makes life easier bring us so little happiness? The simple answer runs: Because we have not yet learned to make sensible use of it.''' In war it serves that we may poison and mutilate each other. In peace it has made our lives hurried and uncertain. Instead of freeing us in great measure from spiritually exhausting labor, it has made men into slaves of machinery, who for the most part complete their monotonous long day's work with disgust and must continually tremble for their poor rations. ... It is not enough that you should understand about applied science in order that your work may increase man's blessings. Concern for the man himself and his fate must always form the chief interest of all technical endeavours; concern for the great unsolved problems of the organization of labor and the distribution of goods in order that the creations of our mind shall be a blessing and not a curse to mankind. Never forget this in the midst of your diagrams and equations. ** Speech to students at the California Institute of Technology, in [http://select.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=F50A1FFF3F5E1B7A93C5A81789D85F458385F9&scp=4&sq=&st=p "Einstein Sees Lack in Applying Science"], ''The New York Times'' (16 February 1931) * <span id="imagination"></span>'''I believe in intuition and inspiration.''' '''... At times I feel certain I am right while not knowing the reason'''. When the eclipse of 1919 confirmed my intuition, I was not in the least surprised. In fact I would have been astonished had it turned out otherwise. '''Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution. It is, strictly speaking, a real factor in scientific research.''' ** ''Cosmic Religion : With Other Opinions and Aphorisms'' (1931) by Albert Einstein, p. 97; also in ''Transformation : Arts, Communication, Environment'' (1950) by Harry Holtzman, p. 138. This may be an edited version of some nearly identical quotes from the 1929 [[Albert Einstein#Viereck interview (1929)|Viereck interview]] below. * Everyone sits in the prison of his own ideas; he must burst it open, and that in his youth, and so try to test his ideas on reality. ** [http://books.google.com/books?id=cvlOAAAAMAAJ&q=%22Everyone+sits+in+the+prison+of+his+own+ideas+he+must+burst+it+open+and+that+in+his+youth+and+so+try+to+test+his+ideas+on+reality%22&pg=PA104#v=onepage ''Miscellaneous''], ''Cosmic Religion'', p. 104 (1931) * I see a clock, but I cannot envision the clockmaker. The human mind is unable to conceive of the four dimensions, so how can it conceive of a God, before whom a thousand years and a thousand dimensions are as one? ** From ''Cosmic Religion: with Other Opinions and Aphorisms'' (1931), Albert Einstein, pub. Covici-Friede. Quoted in ''The Expanded Quotable Einstein'', Princeton University Press; 2nd edition (May 30, 2000); Page 208, {{ISBN|0691070210}} * As an eminent pioneer in the realm of high frequency currents... I congratulate you on the great successes of your life's work. ** [http://www.teslasociety.com/einsteinletter.jpg Einstein's letter] to [[Nikola Tesla]] for Tesla's 75th birthday (1931) *What the inventive genius of mankind has bestowed upon us in the last hundred years could have made human life care free and happy if the development of the organizing power of man had been able to keep step with his technical advances. As it is, the hardly bought achievements of the machine age in the hands of our generation are as dangerous as a razor in the hands of a three-year-old child. The possession of wonderful means of production has not brought freedom-only care and hunger. **writing for the 1932 Disarmament Conference, included in ''The Nation 1865-1990: Selections From the Independent Magazine of Politics and Culture'' (1990) *Without disarmament there can be no lasting peace. On the contrary, the continuation of military armaments in their present extent will with certainty lead to new catastrophies...For the creation of this public opinion in favor of disarmament every person living shares the responsibility, through ever deed and every word. **writing for the 1932 Disarmament Conference, included in ''The Nation 1865-1990: Selections From the Independent Magazine of Politics and Culture'' (1990) [[File:Crystal_DNA.jpg|thumb|It can scarcely be denied that the supreme goal of all theory is to make the irreducible basic elements as simple and as few as possible without having to surrender the adequate representation of a single datum of experience.]] * Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile. ** In answer to a question asked by the editors of ''Youth'', a journal of Young Israel of Williamsburg, NY. Quoted in the ''New York Times'' (June 20, 1932), [http://select.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=F40617F83B5A13738DDDA90A94DE405B828FF1D3 p. 17] ** Unsourced variant: Only a life in the service of others is worth living. {{anchor|simplicity_limit}} * '''It can scarcely be denied that the supreme goal of all theory is to make the irreducible basic elements as simple and as few as possible without having to surrender the adequate representation of a single datum of experience.''' ** "On the Method of Theoretical Physics" The Herbert Spencer Lecture, delivered at Oxford (10 June 1933); also published in ''Philosophy of Science'', Vol. 1, No. 2 (April 1934), pp. 163-169., p. 165. [thanks to Dr. Techie @ www.wordorigins.org and JSTOR] The ''Philosophy of Science'' print version is available online [https://www.informationphilosopher.com/solutions/scientists/einstein/Method_of_Theoretical_Physics.pdf here]. * '''Our experience hitherto justifies us in trusting that nature is the realization of the simplest that is mathematically conceivable.''' I am convinced that purely mathematical construction enables us to find those concepts and those lawlike connections between them that provide the key to the understanding of natural phenomena. Useful mathematical concepts may well be suggested by experience, but in no way can they be derived from it. Experience naturally remains the sole criterion of the usefulness of a mathematical construction for physics. But the actual creative principle lies in mathematics. Thus, in a certain sense, '''I take it to be true that pure thought can grasp the real, as the ancients had dreamed.''' ** from ''On the Method of Theoretical Physics'', p. 183. The Herbert Spencer Lecture, delivered at Oxford (10 June 1933). Quoted in [http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/einstein-philscience/ Einstein's Philosophy of Science] **Alternate wording in version of ''On the Method of Theoretical Physics'' published in ''Philosophy of Science'', Vol. 1, No. 2 (April 1934), p. 167: "Our experience up to date justifies us in feeling sure that in Nature is actualized the ideal of mathematical simplicity. It is my conviction that pure mathematical construction enables us to discover the concepts and the laws connecting them which give us the key to the understanding of the phenomena of Nature. Experience can of course guide us in our choice of serviceable mathematical concepts; it cannot possibly be the source from which they are derived; experience of course remains the sole criterion of the serviceability of a mathematical construction for physics, but the truly creative principle resides in mathematics. In a certain sense, therefore, I hold it to be true that pure thought is competent to comprehend the real, as the ancients dreamed." * There are certain occupations, even in modern society, which entail living in isolation and do not require great physical or intellectual effort. Such occupations as the service of lighthouses and lightships come to mind. Would it not be possible to place young people who wish to think about scientific problems, especially of a mathematical or philosophical nature, in such occupations? Very few young people with such ambitions have, even during the most productive period of their lives, the opportunity to devote themselves undisturbed for any length of time to problems of a scientific nature. ** From a speech "Science and Civilization" in the Royal Albert Hall, London (October 3, 1933). Published as "Europe’s Danger—Europe’s Hope" (1934) * I never failed in mathematics. Before I was fifteen I had mastered differential and integral calculus. ** Response to being shown a "Ripley's Believe It or Not!" column with the headline "Greatest Living Mathematician Failed in Mathematics" (1935). Quoted in ''Einstein: His Life and Universe'' by Walter Isaacson (2007), [http://books.google.com/books?id=cdxWNE7NY6QC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA16#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 16] * The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of every day [''sic''] thinking. ** "[https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0016003236910475 Physics and Reality]" (as translated by Jean Piccard) in the ''Journal of the Franklin Institute'' Vol. 221, Issue 3 (March 1936), at p. 349 * It has often been said, and certainly not without justification, that the man of science is a poor philosopher. Why then should it not be the right thing for the physicist to let the philosopher do the philosophizing? Such might indeed be the right thing to do at a time when the physicist believes he has at his disposal a rigid system of fundamental laws which are so well established that waves of doubt can't reach them; but it cannot be right at a time when the very foundations of physics itself have become problematic as they are now. At a time like the present, when experience forces us to seek a newer and more solid foundation, the physicist cannot simply surrender to the philosopher the critical contemplation of theoretical foundations; for he himself knows best and feels more surely where the shoe pinches. In looking for an new foundation, he must try to make clear in his own mind just how far the concepts which he uses are justified, and are necessities. ** "Physics and Reality" in the ''Journal of the Franklin Institute'' Vol. 221, Issue 3 (March 1936), Pages 349-382 [[File:Square1.jpg|thumb|[[All]] [[religions]], [[arts]] and [[sciences]] are branches of the same [[tree]]...]] [[File:Gandhi arrives at Simla to discuss the international situation with local Congress authorities and the Viceroy.jpg|thumb|Generations to come, it may well be, will scarce [[believe]] that such a man as this one ever in flesh and blood walked upon this [[Earth]].]] * '''One may say "the eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility."''' ** From the article "Physics and Reality" (March 1936), reprinted in ''Out of My Later Years'' (1956). The quotation marks may just indicate that he wants to present this as a new aphorism, but it could possibly indicate that he is paraphrasing or quoting someone else — perhaps [[Immanuel Kant]], since in the next sentence he says "It is one of the great realizations of Immanuel Kant that the setting up of a real external world would be senseless without this comprehensibility."<br /> '''''Other variants:''''' ** '''The eternally incomprehensible thing about the world is its comprehensibility.''' *** In the endnotes to ''Einstein: His Life and Universe'' by Walter Isaacson, note 46 on [http://books.google.com/books?id=cdxWNE7NY6QC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA628#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 628] says that "Gerald Holton says that this is more properly translated" as the variant above, citing Holton's essay "What Precisely is Thinking?" on p. 161 of ''Einstein: A Centenary Volume'' edited by Anthony Philip French. ** '''The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.''' *** This version was given in ''Einstein: A Biography'' (1954) by Antonina Vallentin, p. 24, and widely quoted afterwards. Vallentin cites "Physics and Reality" in ''Journal of the Franklin Institute'' (March 1936), and is possibly giving a variant translation as with Holton. ** '''The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible.''' *** As quoted in ''Speaking of Science'' (2000) by Michael Fripp ** '''The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility ... The fact that it is comprehensible is a miracle.''' *** As quoted in ''Einstein: His Life and Universe'' by Walter Isaacson, [http://books.google.com/books?id=cdxWNE7NY6QC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA462#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 462]. In the original essay "The fact that it is comprehensible is a miracle" appears at the end of the paragraph that follows the paragraph in which "The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility" appears. * Everyone who is seriously involved in the pursuit of science becomes convinced that some spirit is manifest in the laws of the universe, one that is vastly superior to that of man. ** Letter to Phyllis Wright (January 24, 1936), published in ''Dear Professor Einstein: Albert Einstein's Letters to and from Children'' (Prometheus Books, 2002), p. 129 * '''All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling man's life, lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence and leading the individual towards freedom.''' It is no mere chance that our older universities developed from clerical schools. Both churches and universities — insofar as they live up to their true function — serve the ennoblement of the individual. They seek to fulfill this great task by spreading moral and cultural understanding, renouncing the use of brute force. <br /> The essential unity of ecclesiastical and secular institutions was lost during the 19th century, to the point of senseless hostility. Yet there was never any doubt as to the striving for culture. No one doubted the sacredness of the goal. It was the approach that was disputed. ** "Moral Decay" (1937); Later published in ''Out of My Later Years'' (1950) * '''Physical concepts are free creations of the human mind, and are not, however it may seem, uniquely determined by the external world.''' In our endeavor to understand reality we are somewhat like a man trying to understand the mechanism of a closed watch. He sees the face and the moving hands, even hears its ticking, but he has no way of opening the case. If he is ingenious he may form some picture of a mechanism which could be responsible for all the things he observes, but he may never be quite sure his picture is the only one which could explain his observations. '''He will never be able to compare his picture with the real mechanism and he cannot even imagine the possibility or the meaning of such a comparison.''' But he certainly believes that, as his knowledge increases, his picture of reality will become simpler and simpler and will explain a wider and wider range of his sensuous impressions. '''He may also believe in the existence of the ideal limit of knowledge and that it is approached by the human mind. He may call this ideal limit the objective truth.''' ** ''The Evolution of Physics'' (1938) (co-written with [[Leopold Infeld]]) <!-- later published by Simon & Schuster (1967) --> * Fundamental ideas play the most essential role in forming a physical theory. Books on physics are full of complicated mathematical formulae. But thought and ideas, not formulae, are the beginning of every physical theory. The ideas must later take the mathematical form of a quantitative theory, to make possible the comparison with experiment. ** ''The Evolution of Physics'' (1938) (co-written with [[Leopold Infeld]]) <!-- later published by Simon & Schuster (1967) --> * The moral decline we are compelled to witness and the suffering it engenders are so oppressive that one cannot ignore them even for a moment. No matter how deeply one immerses oneself in work, a haunting feeling of inescapable tragedy persists. '''Still, there are moments when one feels free from one's own identification with human limitations and inadequacies. At such moments, one imagines that one stands on some spot of a small planet, gazing in amazement at the cold yet profoundly moving beauty of the eternal, the unfathomable: life and death flow into one, and there is neither evolution nor destiny; only being.''' ** Letter to Queen Mother Elisabeth of Belgium (9 January 1939), asking for her help in getting an elderly cousin of his out of Germany and into Belgium. Quoted in ''Einstein on Peace'' edited by Otto Nathan and Heinz Norden (1960), p. 282 * The standard bearers have grown weak in the defense of their priceless heritage, and the powers of darkness have been strengthened thereby. '''Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character'''; it becomes lack of power to act with courage proportionate to danger. All this must lead to the destruction of our intellectual life unless the danger summons up strong personalities able to fill the lukewarm and discouraged with new strength and resolution. ** Speech made in honor of Thomas Mann in January 1939, when Mann was given the Einstein Prize by the Jewish Forum. Quoted in ''Einstein Lived Here'' by Abraham Pais (1994), [http://books.google.com/books?id=u_9QAAAAMAAJ&q=%22becomes+lack+of+power%22#search_anchor p. 214] * '''Generations to come, it may well be, will scarce believe that such a man as this one ever in flesh and blood walked upon this Earth.''' ** Statement on the occasion of Gandhi's 70th birthday (1939) Einstein archive 32-601, published in ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=Q1UxYzuI2oQC&pg=PA240&lpg=PA240&dq=einstein+%22out+of+my+later+years%22+%22will+scarce+believe%22&source=web&ots=xRZlwUOcEY&sig=0oe_RZgwXaNYtrIGz-XDqmfWna0 Out of My Later Years]'' (1950). ** Variant: Generations to come, it may be, will scarcely believe that such a one as this ever in flesh and blood walked upon this earth. * Some recent work by [[Enrico Fermi|E. Fermi]] and [[wikipedia:Leo Szilard|L. Szilard]], which has been communicated to me in manuscript, leads me to expect that the element uranium may be turned into a new and important source of energy in the immediate future. Certain aspects of the situation seem to call for watchfulness and, if necessary, quick action on the part of the Administration... This new phenomenon would also lead to the construction of bombs, and it is conceivable—though much less certain—that extremely powerful bombs of a new type may thus be constructed. A single bomb of this type, carried by boat or exploded in a port, might very well destroy the whole port together with some of the surrounding territory. However, such bombs might very well prove to be too heavy for transportation by air. ** Letter to President [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]] (August 2, 1939, delivered October 11, 1939); reported in ''Einstein on Peace'', ed. Otto Nathan and Heinz Norden (1960, reprinted 1981), pp. 294–95 ==== Wisehart interview (1930) ==== : <small>M. K. Wisehart, ''A Close Look at the World's Greatest Thinker'', American Magazine, June 1930. Quotes from the interview appear on pp. 52-53 of [http://books.google.com/books?id=l_Gktz_D7FIC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA52#v=onepage&q&f=false The Twelve Powers of Man] by Charles Fillmore</small> * Every man knows that in his work he does best and accomplishes most when he has attained a proficiency that enables him to work intuitively. That is, there are things which we come to know so well that we do not know how we know them. So it seems to me in matters of principle. Perhaps we live best and do things best when we are not too conscious of how and why we do them. * I do not believe in a God who maliciously or arbitrarily interferes in the personal affairs of mankind. '''My religion consists of a humble admiration for the vast power which manifests itself in that small part of the universe which our poor, weak minds can grasp!''' * '''Much reading after a certain age diverts the mind from its creative pursuits. Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking,''' just as the man who spends too much time in the theaters is apt to be content with living vicariously instead of living his own life. * I have only two rules which I regard as principles of conduct. The first is: Have no rules. The second is: Be independent of the opinion of others. ==== ''Religion and Science'' (1930) ==== [[File:Nebulabrot (5000, 500, 50).png|thumb|Everything that the [[human]] race has done and [[thought]] is concerned with the [[satisfaction]] of deeply felt [[needs]] and the assuagement of [[pain]].]] : <small>Originally written for the ''New York Times Magazine'' (9 November 1930); a version with altered wording appeared in ''Ideas and Opinions'' (1954)</small> [[File:San Francisco de Asís, por José de Ribera.jpg|thumb|We find precisely among the heretics of all ages men who were inspired by this highest [[religious]] experience; often they appeared to their contemporaries as [[atheists]], but sometimes also as [[saints]]. Viewed from this angle, men like [[Democritus]], [[Francis of Assisi]], and [[Spinoza]] are near to one another.]] [[File:Cristo_degli_abissi.jpg|thumb|It is the most important function of [[art]] and [[science]] to awaken this [[feeling]] and keep it [[alive]] in those who are receptive to it.]] [[File:Spirale_Ulam_150.jpg|thumb|The individual feels the vanity of human desires and aims, and the nobility and marvelous order which are revealed in nature and in the world of thought.]] [[File:Orbitals7.png|thumb|A contemporary has rightly said that the only deeply [[religious]] [[people]] of our largely [[materialistic]] age are the earnest men of research.]] * '''Everything that men do or think concerns the satisfaction of the needs they feel or the escape from pain.''' This must be kept in mind when we seek to understand spiritual or intellectual movements and the way in which they develop. For feelings and longings are the motive forces of all human striving and productivity—however nobly these latter may display themselves to us. ** Wording in ''Ideas and Opinions'': '''Everything that the human race has done and thought is concerned with the satisfaction of deeply felt needs and the assuagement of pain.''' One has to keep this constantly in mind if one wishes to understand spiritual movements and their development. Feeling and longing are the motive force behind all human endeavor and human creation, in however exalted a guise the latter may present themselves to us. * The longing for guidance, for love and succor, provides the stimulus for the growth of a social or moral conception of God. This is the God of Providence, who protects, decides, rewards and punishes. This is the God who, according to man's widening horizon, loves and provides for the life of the race, or of mankind, or who even loves life itself. He is the comforter in unhappiness and in unsatisfied longing, the protector of the souls of the dead. This is the social or moral idea of God. ** Wording in ''Ideas and Opinions'': The desire for guidance, love, and support prompts men to form the social or moral conception of God. This is the God of Providence, who protects, disposes, rewards, and punishes; the God who, according to the limits of the believer's outlook, loves and cherishes the life of the tribe or of the human race, or even life itself; the comforter in sorrow and unsatisfied longing; he who preserves the souls of the dead. This is the social or moral conception of God. * It is easy to follow in the sacred writings of the Jewish people the development of the religion of fear into the moral religion, which is carried further in the New Testament. The religions of all civilized peoples, especially those of the Orient, are principally moral religions. '''An important advance in the life of a people is the transformation of the religion of fear into the moral religion. But one must avoid the prejudice that regards the religions of primitive peoples as pure fear religions and those of the civilized races as pure moral religions. All are mixed forms, though the moral element predominates in the higher levels of social life.''' ** Wording in ''Ideas and Opinions'': The Jewish scriptures admirably illustrate the development from the religion of fear to moral religion, a development continued in the New Testament. The religions of all civilized peoples, especially the peoples of the Orient, are primarily moral religions. '''The development from a religion of fear to moral religion is a great step in peoples' lives. And yet, that primitive religions are based entirely on fear and the religions of civilized peoples purely on morality is a prejudice against which we must be on our guard. The truth is that all religions are a varying blend of both types, with this differentiation: that on the higher levels of social life the religion of morality predominates.''' * Common to all these types is the anthropomorphic character of the idea of God. Only exceptionally gifted individuals or especially noble communities rise ''essentially'' above this level; in these there is found a third level of religious experience, even if it is seldom found in a pure form. I will call it the cosmic religious sense. '''This is hard to make clear to those who do not experience it, since it does not involve an anthropomorphic idea of God; the individual feels the vanity of human desires and aims, and the nobility and marvelous order which are revealed in nature and in the world of thought.''' He feels the individual destiny as an imprisonment and seeks to experience the totality of existence as a unity full of significance. Indications of this cosmic religious sense can be found even on earlier levels of development—for example, in the Psalms of David and in the Prophets. The cosmic element is much stronger in Buddhism, as, in particular, [[Arthur Schopenhauer|Schopenhauer]]'s magnificent essays have shown us. '''The religious geniuses of all times have been distinguished by this cosmic religious sense, which recognizes neither dogmas nor God made in man's image. Consequently there cannot be a church whose chief doctrines are based on the cosmic religious experience. It comes about, therefore, that we find precisely among the heretics of all ages men who were inspired by this highest religious experience; often they appeared to their contemporaries as atheists, but sometimes also as saints. Viewed from this angle, men like [[Democritus]], [[Francis of Assisi]], and [[Spinoza]] are near to one another.''' ** Wording in ''Ideas and Opinions'': Common to all these types is the anthropomorphic character of their conception of God. In general, only individuals of exceptional endowments, and exceptionally high-minded communities, rise to any considerable extent above this level. But there is a third stage of religious experience which belongs to all of them, even though it is rarely found in a pure form: I shall call it cosmic religious feeling. '''It is very difficult to elucidate this feeling to anyone who is entirely without it, especially as there is no anthropomorphic conception of God corresponding to it. The individual feels the futility of human desires and aims and the sublimity and marvelous order which reveal themselves both in nature and in the world of thought.''' Individual existence impresses him as a sort of prison and he wants to experience the universe as a single significant whole. The beginnings of cosmic religious feeling already appear at an early stage of development, e.g., in many of the Psalms of David and in some of the Prophets. Buddhism, as we have learned especially from the wonderful writings of Schopenhauer, contains a much stronger element of this. '''The religious geniuses of all ages have been distinguished by this kind of religious feeling, which knows no dogma and no God conceived in man's image; so that there can be no church whose central teachings are based on it. Hence it is precisely among the heretics of every age that we find men who were filled with this highest kind of religious feeling and were in many cases regarded by their contemporaries as atheists, sometimes also as saints. Looked at in this light, men like Democritus, Francis of Assisi, and Spinoza are closely akin to one another.''' * '''How can this cosmic religious experience be communicated from man to man, if it cannot lead to a definite conception of God or to a theology? It seems to me that the most important function of art and of science is to arouse and keep alive this feeling in those who are receptive.''' ** Wording in ''Ideas and Opinions'': '''How can cosmic religious feeling be communicated from one person to another, if it can give rise to no definite notion of a God and no theology? In my view, it is the most important function of art and science to awaken this feeling and keep it alive in those who are receptive to it.''' * For any one who is pervaded with the sense of causal law in all that happens, who accepts in real earnest the assumption of causality, the idea of Being who interferes with the sequence of events in the world is absolutely impossible. Neither the religion of fear nor the social-moral religion can have any hold on him. A God who rewards and punishes is for him unthinkable, because man acts in accordance with an inner and outer necessity, and would, in the eyes of God, be as little responsible as an inanimate object is for the movements which it makes. '''Science, in consequence, has been accused of undermining morals—but wrongly. The ethical behavior of man is better based on sympathy, education and social relationships, and requires no support from religion. Man's plight would, indeed, be sad if he had to be kept in order through fear of punishment and hope of rewards after death.''' ** Wording in ''Ideas and Opinions'': The man who is thoroughly convinced of the universal operation of the law of causation cannot for a moment entertain the idea of a being who interferes in the course of events — provided, of course, that he takes the hypothesis of causality really seriously. He has no use for the religion of fear and equally little for social or moral religion. A God who rewards and punishes is inconceivable to him for the simple reason that a man's actions are determined by necessity, external and internal, so that in God's eyes he cannot be responsible, any more than an inanimate object is responsible for the motions it undergoes. '''Science has therefore been charged with undermining morality, but the charge is unjust. A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hopes of reward after death.''' ** ** * It is, therefore, quite natural that the churches have always fought against science and have persecuted its supporters. But, on the other hand, '''I assert that the cosmic religious experience is the strongest and noblest driving force behind scientific research.''' No one who does not appreciate the terrific exertions, and, above all, the devotion without which pioneer creations in scientific thought cannot come into being, can judge the strength of the feeling out of which alone such work, turned away as it is from immediate practical life, can grow. What a '''deep faith in the rationality of the structure of the world''' and what a longing to understand even a small glimpse of the reason revealed in the world there must have been in [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]] and [[Isaac Newton|Newton]] to enable them to unravel the mechanism of the heavens in long years of lonely work! '''Any one who only knows scientific research in its practical applications may easily come to a wrong interpretation of the state of mind of the men who, surrounded by skeptical contemporaries, have shown the way to kindred spirits scattered over all countries in all centuries.''' Only those who have dedicated their lives to similar ends can have a living conception of the inspiration which gave these men the power to remain loyal to their purpose in spite of countless failures. It is the cosmic religious sense which grants this power. A contemporary has rightly said that the only deeply religious people of our largely materialistic age are the earnest men of research. ** Wording in ''Ideas and Opinions'': It is therefore easy to see why the churches have always fought science and persecuted its devotees. On the other hand, '''I maintain that the cosmic religious feeling is the strongest and noblest motive for scientific research.''' Only those who realize the immense efforts and, above all, the devotion without which pioneer work in theoretical science cannot be achieved are able to grasp the strength of the emotion out of which alone such work, remote as it is from the immediate realities of life, can issue. What a '''deep conviction of the rationality of the universe''' and what a yearning to understand, were it but a feeble reflection of the mind revealed in this world, Kepler and Newton must have had to enable them to spend years of solitary labor in disentangling the principles of celestial mechanics! '''Those whose acquaintance with scientific research is derived chiefly from its practical results easily develop a completely false notion of the mentality of the men who, surrounded by a skeptical world, have shown the way to kindred spirits scattered wide through the world and through the centuries.''' Only one who has devoted his life to similar ends can have a vivid realization of what has inspired these men and given them the strength to remain true to their purpose in spite of countless failures. It is cosmic religious feeling that gives a man such strength. A contemporary has said, not unjustly, that in this materialistic age of ours the serious scientific workers are the only profoundly religious people. ==== ''What I Believe'' (1930)==== <small>([https://archive.org/details/what-i-believe-albert-einstein-1930 full text])</small> * I do not believe we can have any freedom at all in the philosophical sense, for we act not only under external compulsion but also by inner necessity. [[Arthur Schopenhauer|Schopenhauer]]’s saying – “A man can surely do what he wills to do, but he cannot determine what he wills” – impressed itself upon me in youth and has always consoled me when I have witnessed or suffered life’s hardships. This conviction is a perpetual breeder of [[tolerance]], for it does not allow us to take ourselves or others too seriously; it makes rather for a sense of humor. * To ponder interminably over the reason for one’s own existence or the meaning of life in general seems to me, from an objective point of view, to be sheer folly. * To make a goal of [[comfort]] or happiness has never appealed to me; a system of ethics built on this basis would be sufficient only for a herd of cattle. * Possessions, outward success, publicity, luxury – to me these have always been contemptible. I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind. * My passionate interest in social justice and social responsibility has always stood in curious contrast to a marked lack of desire for direct association with men and women. * I am a horse for single harness, not cut out for tandem or team work. I have never belonged wholeheartedly to country or state, to my circle of friends, or even to my own family. These ties have always been accompanied by a vague aloofness, and the wish to withdraw into myself increases with the years. Such isolation is sometimes bitter, but I do not regret being cut off from the understanding and sympathy of other men. I lose something by it, to be sure, but I am compensated for it in being rendered independent of the customs, opinions, and prejudices of others, and am not tempted to rest my peace of mind upon such shifting foundations. * My political ideal is democracy. Everyone should be respected as an individual, but no one idolized. * '''Those who are led should not be driven, and they should be allowed to choose their leader.''' * '''I am convinced that degeneracy follows every autocratic system of violence, for violence inevitably attracts moral inferiors.''' * '''Time has proved that illustrious tyrants are succeeded by scoundrels.''' * '''The man who enjoys marching in line and file to the strains of music falls below my contempt; he received his great brain by mistake – the spinal cord would have been amply sufficient.''' * '''[[Heroism]] at command, this senseless violence, this accursed bombast of [[patriotism]] – how intensely I despise them! War is low and despicable, and I had rather be smitten to shreds than participate in such doings.''' ==== ''Mein Weltbild (My World-view)'' (1931) ==== [[File:Schopenhauer by Jules Lunteschütz.jpg|thumb|[[Arthur Schopenhauer|Schopenhauer]]'s saying, that "a man can do as he [[will]], but not will as he will," has been an [[inspiration]] to me since my youth up, and a continual consolation and unfailing well-spring of [[patience]] in the face of the hardships of [[life]]...]] : <small>"Mein Weltbild" (1931) ["My World-view", or "My View of the World" or "The World as I See It"], translated as the title essay of the book ''[[wikipedia:The World as I See It (book)|The World as I See It]]'' (1949). Various translated editions have been published of this essay; or portions of it, including one titled "What I Believe"; another compilation which includes it is ''Ideas and Opinions'' (1954) <!-- There are sometimes confusing citations or even apparently contradictory dating of various essays by Einstein or their translations, especially of this one --> </small> * '''How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses it.''' But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people — first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy. '''A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving...''' . * I am strongly drawn to the simple life and am often oppressed by the feeling that I am engrossing an unnecessary amount of the labour of my fellow-men. '''I regard class differences as contrary to justice and, in the last resort, based on force. I also consider that plain living is good for everybody, physically and mentally.''' * '''In human freedom in the philosophical sense I am definitely a disbeliever. Everybody acts not only under external compulsion but also in accordance with inner necessity.''' [[Arthur Schopenhauer|Schopenhauer]]'s saying, that "'''a man can do as he will, but not will as he will'''," has been an inspiration to me since my youth up, and a continual consolation and unfailing well-spring of patience in the face of the hardships of life, my own and others'. '''This feeling mercifully mitigates the sense of responsibility which so easily becomes paralyzing, and it prevents us from taking ourselves and other people too seriously; it conduces to a view of life in which humor, above all, has its due place.''' * '''I have never looked upon ease and happiness as ends in themselves — this critical basis I call the ideal of a pigsty. The ideals that have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth.''' Without the sense of kinship with men of like mind, without the occupation with the objective world, the eternally unattainable in the field of art and scientific endeavors, life would have seemed empty to me. The trite objects of human efforts — possessions, outward success, luxury — have always seemed to me contemptible. ** Variant translation: I have never looked upon ease and happiness as ends in themselves — such an ethical basis I call more proper for a herd of swine. The ideals which have lighted me on my way and time after time given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Truth, Goodness, and Beauty. Without the sense of fellowship with men of like mind, of preoccupation with the objective, the eternally unattainable in the field of art and scientific research, life would have seemed to me empty. The ordinary objects of human endeavor — property, outward success, luxury — have always seemed to me contemptible. * I gang my own gait and have never belonged to my country, my home, my friends, or even my immediate family, with my whole heart; in the face of all these ties I have never lost an obstinate sense of detachment, of the need for solitude — a feeling which increases with the years. ** Variant translation: '''I am truly a 'lone traveler' and have never belonged to my country, my home, my friends, or even my immediate family, with my whole heart; in the face of all these ties, I have never lost a sense of distance and a need for solitude...''' [[File:A_Horseshoe_Einstein_Ring_from_Hubble.JPG|thumb|The most [[beautiful]] [[experience]] we can have is the [[mysterious]]. It is the fundamental [[emotion]] that stands at the cradle of true [[art]] and true [[science]]...]] * '''The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science. Whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed.''' It was the experience of mystery — even if mixed with fear — that engendered religion. '''A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, our perceptions of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which only in their most primitive forms are accessible to our minds: it is this knowledge and this emotion that constitute true religiosity. In this sense, and only this sense, I am a deeply religious man.''' ** Variant translations: The fairest thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion which stands at the cradle of true art and true science. He who knows it not and can no longer wonder, no longer feel amazement, is as good as dead, a snuffed-out candle. It was the experience of mystery — even if mixed with fear — that engendered religion. A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, of the manifestations of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which are only accessible to our reason in their most elementary forms — it is this knowledge and this emotion that constitute the truly religious attitude; in this sense, and in this alone, I am a deeply religious man. ** The finest emotion of which we are capable is the mystic emotion. Herein lies the germ of all art and all true science. Anyone to whom this feeling is alien, who is no longer capable of wonderment and lives in a state of fear is a dead man. To know that what is impenetrable for us really exists and manifests itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty, whose gross forms alone are intelligible to our poor faculties — this knowledge, this feeling ... that is the core of the true religious sentiment. In this sense, and in this sense alone, I rank myself among profoundly religious men. ** As quoted in ''After Einstein : Proceedings of the Einstein Centennial Celebration'' (1981) by Peter Barker and Cecil G. Shugart, p. 179 ** The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed. *** As quoted in ''Introduction to Philosophy'' (1935) by George Thomas White Patrick and Frank Miller Chapman, p. 44 ** The most beautiful emotion we can experience is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of all true art and science. '''He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead, a snuffed-out candle'''. To sense that behind anything that can be experienced there is something that our minds cannot grasp, whose beauty and sublimity reaches us only indirectly: this is religiousness. In this sense, and in this sense only, I am a devoutly religious man." ** He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed. [[File:An Emu in the Sky over Paranal.jpg|thumb|He...who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead, a snuffed-out candle.]] * I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own — a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his body, although feeble souls harbor such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotisms. ** As quoted in ''European Civilization and Politics Since 1815'' (1938) by Erik Achorn, p. 723. amd in his obituary in ''The New York Times'' (19 April 1955) ** Variant translation: I cannot conceive of a God who rewards and punishes his creatures, or has a will of the type of which we are conscious in ourselves. An individual who should survive his physical death is also beyond my comprehension, nor do I wish it otherwise; such notions are for the fears or absurd egoism of feeble souls. *** As quoted in ''The Heretic's Handbook of Quotations: Cutting Comments on Burning Issues'' (1992) by Charles Bufe, p. 186 * '''It is enough for me to contemplate the mystery of conscious life perpetuating itself through all eternity, to reflect upon the marvelous structure of the universe which we dimly perceive, and to try humbly to comprehend an infinitesimal part of the intelligence manifested in nature.''' ** As quoted in ''Introduction to Philosophy'' (1935) by George Thomas White Patrick and Frank Miller Chapman, p. 44 ** Variant translations: ** '''I am satisfied with the mystery of life's eternity and with a knowledge, a sense, of the marvelous structure of existence — as well as the humble attempt to understand even a tiny portion of the Reason that manifests itself in nature.''' ** Enough for me the mystery of the eternity of life, and the inkling of the marvellous structure of reality, together with the single-hearted endeavor to comprehend a portion, be it never so tiny, of the reason that manifests itself in nature. * ''Zahlreich sind die Lehrkanzeln, aber selten die weisen und edlen Lehrer. Zahlreich und groß sind die Hörsäle, doch wenig zahlreich die jungen Menschen, die ehrlich nach Wahrheit und Gerechtigkeit dürsten. Zahlreich spendet die Natur ihre Dutzendware, aber das Feinere erzeugt sie selten''. ** Numerous are the academic chairs, but rare are wise and noble teachers. Numerous and large are the lecture halls, but far from numerous the young men who genuinely thirst for truth and justice. Numerous are the wares that nature produces by the dozen, but her choice products are few. ==== ''My Credo'' (1932) ==== [[File:Marie_Curie_and_Albert_Einstein.jpg|thumb| Although I am a typical loner in daily life, my consciousness of belonging to the invisible community of those who strive for [[truth]], [[beauty]], and [[justice]] has preserved me from feeling isolated.]] : <small>Speech to the German League of Human Rights, Berlin (Autumn 1932); as published in ''Einstein: A Life in Science'' (1994) by Michael White and John Gribbin<!-- p. 262 Dutton, Penguin Books USA Inc., New York -->. This repeats or revises some statements and ideas of ''Mein Weltbild'' (1931) · [http://www.einstein-website.de/z_biography/credo.html Full text online] · [http://www.einsteinandreligion.com/credo.html alternate online source]</small> * '''Our situation on this earth seems strange.''' Every one of us appears here involuntarily and uninvited for a short stay, without knowing the whys and the wherefore. In our daily lives we only feel that man is here for the sake of others, for those whom we love and for many other beings whose fate is connected with our own. '''I am often worried at the thought that my life is based to such a large extent on the work of my fellow human beings and I am aware of my great indebtedness to them.''' * '''I do not believe in freedom of the will. [[Arthur Schopenhauer|Schopenhauer]]'s words: "Man can do what he wants, but he cannot will what he wills" accompany me in all situations throughout my life and reconcile me with the actions of others even if they are rather painful to me. This awareness of the lack of freedom of will preserves me from taking too seriously myself and my fellow men as acting and deciding individuals and from losing my temper.''' ** Variant translation: ** '''I do not believe in [[free will]].''' [[Schopenhauer]]'s words: 'Man can do what he wants, but he cannot will what he wills,' accompany me in all situations throughout my life and reconcile me with the actions of others, even if they are rather painful to me. '''This awareness of the lack of free will keeps me from taking myself and my fellow men too seriously as acting and deciding individuals, and from losing my temper.''' * '''My passion for social justice has often brought me into conflict with people, as has my aversion to any obligation and dependence I did not regard as absolutely necessary.''' <br /> I have a high regard for the individual and an insuperable distaste for violence and fanaticism. All these motives have made me a passionate pacifist and antimilitarist. I am against any chauvinism, even in the guise of mere patriotism. <br /> '''Privileges based on position and property have always seemed to me unjust and pernicious, as does any exaggerated personality cult. I am an adherent of the ideal of democracy, although I know well the weaknesses of the democratic form of government.''' Social equality and economic protection of the individual have always seemed to me the important communal aims of the state.<br /> '''Although I am a typical loner in daily life, my consciousness of belonging to the invisible community of those who strive for truth, beauty, and justice keeps me from feeling isolated.''' * '''The most beautiful and deepest experience a man can have is the sense of the mysterious. It is the underlying principle of religion as well as all serious endeavor in art and science. He who never had this experience seems to me, if not dead, then at least blind.''' To sense that behind anything that can be experienced there is a something that our mind cannot grasp and whose beauty and sublimity reaches us only indirectly and as a feeble reflection, this is religiousness. <br /> In this sense I am religious. To me it suffices to wonder at these secrets and to attempt humbly to grasp with my mind a mere image of the lofty structure of all that there is. ==== 1933 ==== * '''According to my conviction it cannot be doubted that the severe economic depression is to be traced back for the most part to internal economic causes; the improvement in the apparatus of production through technical invention and organization has decreased the need for human labor, and thereby caused the elimination of a part of labor from the economic circuit, and thereby caused a progressive decrease in the purchasing power of the consumers.''' - as quoted in Robert Shiller's 2020 lecture at Princeton<ref>https://bcf.princeton.edu/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/Combined-Slides-4.pdf</ref> * Most of us prefer to look outside rather than inside ourselves; for in the latter case we see but a dark hole, which means: nothing at all. ** letter to Queen Elizabeth of Belgium, quoted in Einstein, Albert, Otto Nathan, and Heinz Norden. Einstein on Peace. Edited by Otto Nathan and Heinz Norden. Preface by Bertrand Russell. New York, 1960., page 567 * Einstein's manner was full of charm and ''bonhomie''. He enjoyed a joke and had many a jibe at the Nazi Professors, [[wikipedia:A Hundred Authors Against Einstein|one hundred of whom in a book had condemned his theory]]. "Were I wrong," he said, "one professor would have been quite enough." Also, in speaking of Nazis, he once said: "I thought I was a Physicist, I did not bother about being a Jew until Hitler made me conscious of it." ** [[Jacob Epstein]], ''Let There Be Sculpture: An Autobiography'' (1940), page [https://archive.org/details/lettherebesculpt0000epst/page/95/mode/1up?q=einstein&view=theater 95] ==== 1934 ==== * My political ideal is [[Democratic]] ... Force always attracts men of low morality. **From ''Mein Weltbild'' (1934), published in English as [https://archive.org/details/worldasiseeit00eins/page/240/mode/1up?q=%22force+always+attracts%22 ''The World As I See It''] (1934). See also [https://archive.org/details/ideasopinionsbas00eins/page/10/mode/1up?q=%22force+always+attracts%22 ''Ideas and Opinions: Based on Mein Weltbild''], 1954. * '''All knowledge of reality starts from experience and ends in it. Propositions arrived at by purely logical means are completely empty as regards reality. Because Galileo saw this, and particularly because he drummed it into the scientific world, he is the father of modern physics – indeed, of modern science altogether.''' ** "On the Method of Theoretical Physics" (1934) from ''Einstein's essays in science''. Translated by Alan Harris. Dover (2009). pp. 12–21. ISBN 9780486470115. * In the light of knowledge attained, the happy achievement seems almost a matter of course, and any intelligent student can grasp it without too much trouble. But the '''years of anxious searching in the dark, with their intense longing, their alternations of confidence and exhaustion, and the final emergence into the light—only those who have experienced it can understand that.''' ** "Notes on the Origin of the General Theory of Relativity" (1934) ''Mein Weltbild'', published in English as, [https://archive.org/details/worldasiseeit00eins/page/108/mode/1up?q=%22light+of+knowledge%22 ''The World As I See It'']. See also [https://archive.org/details/ideasopinionsbas00eins/page/289/mode/1up?q=%22In+the+light%22 ''Ideas and Opinions: Based on Mein Weltbild''] (1954) ed., {{w|Carl Seelig}}. * The pursuit of knowledge for its own sake, an almost fanatical love of justice and the desire for personal independence — these are the features of the Jewish tradition which make me thank my stars that I belong to it. **From ''Mein Weltbild'' (1934), published in English as [https://archive.org/details/worldasiseeit00eins/page/143/mode/1up ''The World As I See It''] (1934). See also [https://archive.org/details/ideasopinionsbas00eins/page/185/mode/1up ''Ideas and Opinions: Based on Mein Weltbild''] (1954). * There is not the slightest indication that [nuclear energy] will ever be obtainable. It would mean that the atom would have to be shattered at will. ** As quoted in "Atom Energy Hope is Spiked By Einstein / Efforts at Loosing Vast Force is Called Fruitless," ''Pittsburgh Post-Gazette'' (29 December 1934); it was only after the breakthroughs by [[Enrico Fermi]] and others in producing nuclear chain reactions that the use of nuclear power became plausible. ==== ''Obituary for Emmy Noether'' (1935) ==== : <small>''Emmy Noether'', letter to the Editor of The New York Times, published May 5, 1935 [http://www-history.mcs.st-andrews.ac.uk/Obits2/Noether_Emmy_Einstein.html Full text online]</small> * The efforts of most human-beings are consumed in the struggle for their daily bread, but most of those who are, either through fortune or some special gift, relieved of this struggle are largely absorbed in further improving their worldly lot. '''Beneath the effort directed toward the accumulation of worldly goods lies all too frequently the illusion that this is the most substantial and desirable end to be achieved; but there is, fortunately, a minority composed of those who recognize early in their lives that the most beautiful and satisfying experiences open to humankind are not derived from the outside, but are bound up with the development of the individual's own feeling, thinking and acting.''' The genuine artists, investigators and thinkers have always been persons of this kind. However inconspicuously the life of these individuals runs its course, none the less the fruits of their endeavors are the most valuable contributions which one generation can make to its successors. * '''In the judgment of the most competent living mathematicians, Fräulein Noether was the most significant creative mathematical genius thus far produced since the higher education of women began.''' * '''[[Pure mathematics]] is, in its way, the poetry of logical ideas. One seeks the most general ideas of operation which will bring together in simple, logical and unified form the largest possible circle of formal relationships. In this effort toward logical beauty spiritual formulas are discovered necessary for the deeper penetration into the laws of nature.''' ====Why Do They Hate the Jews (1938)==== :November 26, 1938 issue of Collier's *The Jews as a group may be powerless, but the sum of the achievements of their individual members is everywhere considerable and telling, even though those achievements were made in the face of obstacles. **affirmed on page 213 of The Ultimate Quotable Einstein *anti-Semitism is nothing but the antagonistic attitude produced in non-Jews by the Jewish group. This is a normal social reaction. **affirmed on [https://books.google.ca/books?id=OAsQ_hFjhrAC&pg=PA70 page 70 of Einstein from 'B' to 'Z' by John Stachel in 2001] === 1940s === [[File:Albert_Einstein_photo_1920.jpg|thumb|Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds...]] [[File:Citizen-Einstein.jpg|thumb| Why is it nobody [[understands]] me and everybody likes me?]] * '''Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly.''' ** Letter to Morris Raphael Cohen, professor emeritus of philosophy at the College of the City of New York, defending the appointment of [[Bertrand Russell]] to a teaching position (19 March 1940). ** Variant:<!-- Variant translation? or a paraphrase? --> Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence and fulfills the duty to express the results of his thoughts in clear form. * The development during the present century is characterized by two theoretical systems essentially independent of each other: the [[theory of relativity]] and the [[quantum theory]]. The two systems do not directly contradict each other; but they seem little adapted to fusion into one unified theory. ** "The Fundamentals of Theoretical Physics," (1940) as quoted in ''Out of My Later Years'' (1976) * '''Perfection of means and confusion of goals seem—in my opinion—to characterize our age.''' ** "The Common Language of Science", a broadcast for Science, Conference, London, 28 September 1941. Published in ''Advancement of Science'', London, Vol. 2, No. 5. Reprinted in ''Ideas and Opinions'' (1954), the quote appearing on [http://books.google.com/books?id=OeUoXHoAJMsC&lpg=PP1&pg=PT357#v=onepage&q&f=false this page]. * People like you and I, though mortal of course like everyone else, do not grow old no matter how long we live...[We] never cease to stand like curious children before the great mystery into which we were born. ** In a letter to Otto Juliusburger, September 29, 1942. Available in Einstein Archives 38-238 * '''Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater.''' ** Letter to high school student Barbara Lee Wilson (7 January 1943), Einstein Archives 42-606 *The only thing I can say is this: Only through permanent and faithful cooperation between the United States, Great Britain, and Russia can a lasting [[peace]] be secured. **response to to survey questions, in [https://www.marxists.org/history/usa/pubs/new-masses/1943/v47n04-apr-27-1943-NM.pdf ''New Masses''] (April 27, 1943) * '''Without Russia [ [[Soviet Union]] ], the [[Nazism|German]] bloodhounds would have already achieved their goal, or would achieve it very soon... We and our children owe a great debt of gratitude to the Russian people for having experienced such immense losses and suffering. [ Soviet Union's ] conduct of the war has made obvious her great achievement in all industrial and technical fields... and in the limitless sacrifice and exemplary self-denial of every single individual, I see proof of a strong and universal will to defend what they have won... finally, a fact of particular importance to us Jews.''' ** As quoted in [https://books.google.it/books?id=weECGK2rChcC The Einstein File: J. Edgar Hoover's Secret War Against the World's Most Famous Scientist, p. 146], (2003) by Fred Jerome *'''In Russia the equality of all national and cultural groups is not merely nominal but is actually practiced.''' ** As quoted in [https://books.google.it/books?id=weECGK2rChcC The Einstein File: J. Edgar Hoover's Secret War Against the World's Most Famous Scientist, p. 146], (2003) by Fred Jerome * '''Why is it nobody understands me and everybody likes me?''' ** As quoted in New York Times article [http://select.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=F00713FA3A58157A93C0A81788D85F408485F9 "The Einstein Theory of Living; At 65 he leads the simplest of lives — and grapples with the most complex thoughts."] (12 March 1944) ** Variants: ** '''Why is it that nobody understands me, yet everybody likes me?''' *** As quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=-5SxGKrTRUEC&pg=PA126 ''The Dark Side of Shakespeare : An Elizabethan Courtier, Diplomat, Spymaster, & Epic Hero'', p. 126] (2003) by W. Ron Hess ** '''Everyone likes me, yet nobody understands me.''' *** As quoted in [http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7406337/ "The culture of Einstein" at ''MSNBC'' (18 March 2005)] * I fully agree with you about the significance and educational value of [[methodology]] as well as history and philosophy of science. '''So many people today — and even professional [[scientists]] — seem to me like someone who has seen thousands of trees but has never seen a forest. A knowledge of the historic and philosophical background gives that kind of independence from prejudices of his generation from which most scientists are suffering. This independence created by philosophical insight is — in my opinion — the mark of distinction between a mere artisan or specialist and a real seeker after truth.''' ** Letter to Robert A. Thorton, Physics Professor at University of Puerto Rico (7 December 1944) [EA-674, Einstein Archive, Hebrew University, Jerusalem]. Thorton had written to Einstein on persuading colleagues of the importance of [[wikipedia:Philosophy of science|philosophy of science]] to scientists (empiricists) and [[wikipedia:Science|science]]. * '''The words or the language, as they are written or spoken, do not seem to play any role in my mechanism of thought.''' The psychical entities which seem to serve as elements in thoughts are certain signs and more or less clear images which can be "voluntarily" reproduced and combined. There is, of course, a certain connection between those elements and [[relevant]] logical concepts. It is also clear that the desire to arrive finally at logically connected concepts is the emotional basis of this rather vague play with the above-mentioned elements. . . . The above-mentioned elements are, in my case, of visual and some muscular type. '''Conventional words or other signs have to be sought for laboriously only in a secondary stage, when the mentioned associative play is sufficiently established and can be reproduced at will.''' ** Answer to a survey written by the French mathematician Jaques Hadamard, from Hadamard's ''An Essay on the Psychology of Invention in the Mathematical Field'' (1945). Reprinted in ''Ideas and Opinions'' (1954). His full set of answers to the questions can be read on p. 3 [http://www.pitt.edu/~jdnorton/Goodies/Einstein_think/index.html here]. * Certain it is that a conviction, akin to religious feeling, of the rationality or intelligibility of the world lies behind all scientific work of a higher order. ... This firm belief, a belief bound up with deep feeling, in a superior mind that reveals itself in the world of experience, represents my conception of God. ** 'Essays in Science ''(1934) p. 11. Reprinted in'' Ideas and Opinions On Scientific Truth ''(1954) p. 261, Crown Publishers, Inc. New York, New York, USA, 1954, {{ISBN|0679601058}}.'' * '''I received your letter of June 10th. I have never talked to a Jesuit priest in my life and I am astonished by the audacity to tell such lies about me. From the viewpoint of a Jesuit priest I am, of course, and have always been an atheist.''' ** Letter to Guy H. Raner Jr. (2 July 1945), responding to a rumor that a Jesuit priest had caused Einstein to convert to Christianity, quoted in an article by Michael R. Gilmore in ''Skeptic'' magazine, Vol. 5, No. 2 (1997) * The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one. ** Statement on the Atomic Bomb to Raymond Swing, before 1 October 1945, as reported in ''Atlantic Monthly'', vol. 176, no. 5 (November 1945), in ''Einstein on Politics'', p. 373 * That is simple, my friend. It is because Politics is more difficult than [[physics]]. ** Einstein when asked "Dr. Einstein, why is it that when the mind of man has stretched so far as to discover the structure of the atom we have been unable to devise the political means to keep the atom from destroying us?" a conferee at a meeting at Princeton, N.J. (Jan 1946), as recalled by Greenville Clark in "Letters to the Times" in ''New York Times'' (22 Apr 1955), 24 * The unleashed power of the atom has changed everything save our modes of thinking and we thus drift toward unparalleled catastrophe. ;* Telegram (24 May 1946) sent to prominent Americans. Quoted in [https://www.nytimes.com/1946/05/25/archives/atomic-education-urged-by-einstein-scientist-in-plea-for-200000-to.html New York Times (25 May 1946)]. In Robert Andrews Famous Lines: a Columbia Dictionary of Familiar Quotations (1997), 340. Variations exist due to different translations from the original German. * Today the atomic bomb has altered profoundly the nature of the world as we know it, and the human race consequently finds itself in a new habitat to which it must adapt its thinking. ** "Only Then Shall We Find Courage", ''New York Times Magazine'' (23 June 1946). * Had I known that the Germans would not succeed in producing an atomic bomb, I would not have lifted a finger. ** Einstein discussing the letter he sent Roosevelt raising the possibility of atomic weapons. from "Atom: Einstein, the Man Who Started It All," Newsweek Magazine (10 March 1947). * I am very smart. But not as strong-hearted as all the workers on earth for he toils endlessly and does it all to feed his family while I do it merely for solving an impossible puzzle. ** Letter to his cousin Richard Einstein (October 1947) * It is easier to denature plutonium than it is to denature the evil spirit of man. ** ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=AIHgK-p6mhgC&q=%22It+is+easier+to+denature+plutonium+than+it+is+to+denature+the+evil+spirit+of+man%22&pg=PA385#v=onepage The Real Problem Is in the Hearts of Men]'', ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times Magazine|The New York Times Magazine]]'' ([http://select.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=F60715F63E5C14738DDDAA0A94DE405B8688F1D3 June 23, 1946]) * A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move toward higher levels. ** From [https://web.archive.org/web/20140622171150/http://www.turnthetide.info/id54.htm "Atomic Education Urged by Einstein"], ''New York Times'' (25 May 1946), and later quoted in the article [https://www.nytimes.com/1946/06/23/archives/the-real-problem-is-in-the-hearts-of-men-professor-einstein-says-a.html "The Real Problem is in the Hearts of Man"] by Michael Amrine, from the ''New York Times Magazine'' (23 June 1946). A slightly modified version of the 23 June article was reprinted in ''Einstein on Peace'' by Otto Nathan and Heinz Norden (1960), and it was also reprinted in ''Einstein on Politics'' by David E. Rowe and Robert Schulmann (2007), p. 383. ** In ''The New Quotable Einstein'' (2005), editor Alice Calaprice suggests that two quotes attributed to Einstein which she could not find sources for, "The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them" and "The world we have created today as a result of our thinking thus far has problems which cannot be solved by thinking the way we thought when we created them," may both be paraphrases of the 1946 quote above. A similar unsourced variant is "The world we have created is a product of our thinking; it cannot be changed without changing our thinking." ** In the 23 June article Einstein expanded somewhat on the original quote from the 25 May article: **: Many persons have inquired concerning a recent message of mine that "a new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels." **: Often in evolutionary processes a species must adapt to new conditions in order to survive. Today the atomic bomb has altered profoundly the nature of the world as we knew it, and the human race consequently finds itself in a new habitat to which it must adapt its thinking. **: In the light of new knowledge, a world authority and an eventual world state are not just ''desirable'' in the name of brotherhood, they are ''necessary'' for survival. In previous ages a nation's life and culture could be protected to some extent by the growth of armies in national competition. Today we must abandon competition and secure cooperation. This must be the central fact in all our considerations of international affairs; otherwise we face certain disaster. '''Past thinking and methods did not prevent world wars. Future thinking ''must'' prevent wars.''' * ''Er ist eine Skala der Proportionen, die das Schlechte schwierig und das Gute leicht macht.'' ** '''It is a scale of proportions which makes the bad difficult and the good easy.''' *** On the [[wikipedia:Modulor|Modulor]]. Letter sent to [[Le Corbusier]] (1946); quoted in ''Modulor'' (1953) <!-- pages 58-59 French translation: Il s'agit d'une échelle de dimensions qui facilite la tâche du créateur; elle lui permet de réaliser facilement le juste et difficilement le faux. --> * '''When I examine myself and my methods of thought I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge.''' ** Cited as conversation between Einstein and János Plesch in ''János : The Story of a Doctor'' (1947), by János Plesch, translated by Edward FitzGerald <!-- Pub. V. Gollancz --> * '''I agree with your remark about loving your enemy as far as actions are concerned. But for me the cognitive basis is the trust in an unrestricted causality.''' "I cannot hate him, because he ''must'' do what he does." That means for me more [[Baruch Spinoza|Spinoza]] than the prophets. ** On the Christian maxim "Love thy enemy", in a letter to [[wikipedia:Michele Besso|Michele Besso]] (6 January 1948) * I just want to explain what I mean when I say that we should try to hold on to physical reality. <br /> We are ... all aware of the situation regarding what will turn out to be the basic foundational concepts in physics: the point-mass or the particle is surely not among them; the field, in the Faraday-Maxwell sense, might be, but not with certainty. But that which we conceive as existing ("real") should somehow be localized in time and space. That is, the real in one part of space, ''A'', should (in theory) somehow "exist" independently of that which is thought of as real in another part of space, ''B''. If a physical system stretches over ''A'' and ''B'', then what is present in ''B'' should somehow have an existence independent of what is present in ''A''. What is actually present in ''B'' should thus not depend the type of measurement carried out in the part of space ''A''; it should also be independent of whether or not a measurement is made in ''A''. <br /> If one adheres to this program, then one can hardly view the quantum-theoretical description as a complete representation of the physically real. If one attempts, nevertheless, so to view it, then one must assume that the physically real in ''B'' undergoes a sudden change because of a measurement in ''A''. My physical instincts bristle at that suggestion. <br /> However, if one renounces the assumption that what is present in different parts of space has an independent, real existence, then I don't see at all what physics is supposed to be describing. For '''what is thought to be a "system" is after all, just conventional, and I do not see how one is supposed to divide up the world objectively so that one can make statements about parts.''' ** "What must be an essential feature of any future fundamental physics?" Letter to [[wikipedia:Max Born|Max Born]] (March 1948); published in ''Albert Einstein-Hedwig und Max Born'' (1969) "Briefwechsel 1916-55"<!-- p. 223 Nymphenburger, Munich-->, and in ''Potentiality, Entanglement and Passion-at-a-Distance: Quantum Mechanical Studies for Abner Shimony, Volume Two'' edited by Robert Cohen, Michael Horn, and John Stachel (1997), [http://books.google.com/books?id=DsNoIcQemTsC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA121#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 121] * Since the mathematicians have invaded the theory of relativity, I do not understand it myself anymore. ** As quoted in the essay "To Albert Einstein's Seventieth Birthday" by [[wikipedia:Arnold Sommerfeld|Arnold Sommerfeld]], ''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/albert-einstein-philosopher-scientist/oclc/311439 Albert Einstein : Philosopher-Scientist]'' (1949) edited by [[wikipedia:Paul Arthur Schilpp|Paul A. Schilpp]] (p. 102). The essay, originally published as "Zum Siebzigsten Geburtstag Albert Einsteins" in [http://www.worldcat.org/title/deutsche-beitrage-eine-zweimonatsschrift/oclc/183334232 Deutsche Beiträge (Eine Zweimonatsschrift)] Vol. III, No 2, 1949, was translated specifically for the book by Schilpp. * '''I know not with what [[Weapon|weapons]] [[World War III]] will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.''' ** Interview with Alfred Werner, ''Liberal Judaism'' 16 (April-May 1949), <!-- 12. --> Einstein Archive 30-1104, as sourced in ''The New Quotable Einstein'' by Alice Calaprice (2005), p. 173 ** Differing versions of such a statement are attributed to conversations as early as 1948 (e.g. ''The Rotarian'', '''72''' (6), June 1948, [http://books.google.com/books?id=0UMEAAAAMBAJ&pg=PA9 p. 9]: "I don't know. But I can tell you what they'll use in the fourth. They'll use rocks!"). Another variant ("I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones") is attributed to an unidentified letter to Harry S. Truman in [http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7406337/ "The culture of Einstein" by Alex Johnson], ''MSNBC'', (18 April 2005). <!-- also http://web.archive.org/web/20050419230458/http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7406337// publication of letter or location of archive welcom here --> However, prior to 1948 very similar quotes were attributed in various articles to an unnamed army lieutenant, as discussed at [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/06/16/future-weapons/#more-679 ''Quote Investigator'' : "The Futuristic Weapons of WW3 Are Unknown, But WW4 Will Be Fought With Stones and Spears"]. The earliest found was from "Quote and Unquote: Raising 'Alarmist' Cry Brings a Winchell Reply" by [[Walter Winchell]], in the ''Wisconsin State Journal'' (23 September 1946), p. 6, Col. 3. In this article Winchell wrote: <blockquote> Joe Laitin reports that reporters at Bikini were questioning an army lieutenant about what weapons would be used in the next war. "I dunno," he said, "but in the war after the next war, sure as Hell, they'll be using spears!" </blockquote> :: It seems plausible, therefore, that Einstein may have been quoting or paraphrasing an expression which he had heard or read elsewhere. * '''A new idea comes suddenly and in a rather intuitive way. But intuition is nothing but the outcome of earlier intellectual experience.''' ** Letter to Dr. H. L. Gordon (May 3, 1949 - AEA 58-217) as quoted in ''Einstein: His Life and Universe'' (2007) <!-- p. 113 --> by [[wikipedia:Walter Isaacson|Walter Isaacson]] <small> {{ISBN|9780743264730}}</small> * Never do anything against conscience even if the state demands it. ** [[Albert Einstein]], as quoted by Virgil Henshaw in ''Albert Einstein: Philosopher Scientist'' (1949) edited by Paul A. Schilpp * '''I have repeatedly said that in my opinion the idea of a personal God is a childlike one.''' '''You may call me an agnostic, but I do not share the crusading spirit of the professional atheist whose fervor is mostly due to a painful act of liberation from the fetters of religious indoctrination received in youth.''' '''I prefer an attitude of humility corresponding to the weakness of our intellectual understanding of nature and of our own being.''' ** Letter to Guy H. Raner Jr. (28 September 1949), from article by Michael R. Gilmore in ''Skeptic'' magazine, Vol. 5, No. 2 (1997) * The reciprocal relationship of epistemology and science is of noteworthy kind. They are dependent on each other. Epistemology without contact with science becomes an empty scheme. Science without epistemology is — insofar as it is thinkable at all — primitive and muddled. However, no sooner has the epistemologist, who is seeking a clear system, fought his way through to such a system, than he is inclined to interpret the thought-content of science in the sense of his system and to reject whatever does not fit into his system. The scientist, however, cannot afford to carry his striving for epistemological systematic that far. He accepts gratefully the epistemological conceptual analysis; but the external conditions, which are set for him by the facts of experience, do not permit him to let himself be too much restricted in the construction of his conceptual world by the adherence to an epistemological system. He therefore must appear to the systematic epistemologist as a type of unscrupulous opportunist: he appears as ''realist'' insofar as he seeks to describe a world independent of the acts of perception; as ''idealist'' insofar as he looks upon the concepts and theories as free inventions of the human spirit (not logically derivable from what is empirically given); as ''positivist'' insofar as he considers his concepts and theories justified ''only'' to the extent to which they furnish a logical representation of relations among sensory experiences. He may even appear as ''Platonist'' or ''Pythagorean'' insofar as he considers the viewpoint of logical simplicity as an indispensible and effective tool of his research. ** Contribution in ''Albert Einstein: Philosopher-Scientist'', p. A. Schilpp, ed. (The Library of Living Philosophers, Evanston, IL (1949), p. 684). Quoted in [http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/einstein-philscience/ Einstein's Philosophy of Science] ==== ''Science and Religion'' (1941) ==== : <small>''Science, Philosophy and Religion, A Symposium'', published by the ''Conference on Science, Philosophy and Religion in Their Relation to the Democratic Way of Life, Inc.'', New York (1941); later published in ''Out of My Later Years'' (1950) <!-- Philosophical Library --> [http://www.einsteinandreligion.com/scienceandreligion.html Full text online]</small> [[File:Brocken-tanzawa2.JPG|thumb|A [[religious]] person is [[devout]] in the sense that he has no [[doubt]] of the significance and loftiness of those superpersonal objects and [[goals]] which neither require nor are capable of [[rational]] foundation. They exist with the same [[necessity]] and matter-of-factness as he [[himself]].]] [[File:Glory,_spectre.jpg|thumb|[[Science]] without [[religion]] is lame, religion without science is [[blind]].]] [[File:Halo_in_cirrostratus_1.jpg|thumb|A doctrine which is able to maintain itself not in clear [[light]] but only in the [[dark]], will of [[necessity]] lose its effect on [[mankind]], with incalculable harm to [[human]] [[progress]].]] [[File:NautilusCutawayLogarithmicSpiral.jpg|thumb|[[Science]] not only [[purifies]] the [[religious]] impulse of the dross of its anthropomorphism but also contributes to a religious [[spiritualization]] of our [[understanding]] of [[life]].]] * '''It would not be difficult to come to an agreement as to what we understand by science. Science is the century-old endeavor to bring together by means of systematic thought the perceptible phenomena of this world into as thoroughgoing an association as possible.''' To put it boldly, it is the attempt at the posterior reconstruction of existence by the process of conceptualization. '''But when asking myself what religion is I cannot think of the answer so easily. And even after finding an answer which may satisfy me at this particular moment, I still remain convinced that I can never under any circumstances bring together, even to a slight extent, the thoughts of all those who have given this question serious consideration.''' * '''A person who is religiously enlightened appears to me to be one who has, to the best of his ability, liberated himself from the fetters of his selfish desires and is preoccupied with thoughts, feelings, and aspirations to which he clings because of their superpersonal value.''' It seems to me that what is important is the force of this superpersonal content and the depth of the conviction concerning its overpowering meaningfulness, regardless of whether any attempt is made to unite this content with a divine Being, for otherwise it would not be possible to count [[Gautama Buddha|Buddha]] and [[Baruch Spinoza|Spinoza]] as religious personalities. '''Accordingly, a religious person is devout in the sense that he has no doubt of the significance and loftiness of those superpersonal objects and goals which neither require nor are capable of rational foundation. They exist with the same necessity and matter-of-factness as he himself.''' In this sense religion is the age-old endeavor of mankind to become clearly and completely conscious of these values and goals and constantly to strengthen and extend their effect. If one conceives of religion and science according to these definitions then a conflict between them appears impossible. For science can only ascertain what is, but not what should be, and outside of its domain value judgments of all kinds remain necessary. * A conflict arises when a religious community insists on the absolute truthfulness of all statements recorded in the Bible. This means an intervention on the part of religion into the sphere of science; this is where the struggle of the Church against the doctrines of Galileo and Darwin belongs. On the other hand, representatives of science have often made an attempt to arrive at fundamental judgments with respect to values and ends on the basis of scientific method, and in this way have set themselves in opposition to religion. These conflicts have all sprung from fatal errors. * '''Even though the realms of religion and science in themselves are clearly marked off from each other, nevertheless there exist between the two strong reciprocal relationships and dependencies.''' Though religion may be that which determines the goal, it has, nevertheless, learned from science, in the broadest sense, what means will contribute to the attainment of the goals it has set up. But '''science can only be created by those who are thoroughly imbued with the aspiration toward truth and understanding. This source of feeling, however, springs from the sphere of religion. To this there also belongs the faith in the possibility that the regulations valid for the world of existence are rational, that is, comprehensible to reason. I cannot conceive of a genuine scientist without that profound faith.''' The situation may be expressed by an image: '''science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.'''<br /> Though I have asserted above that in truth a legitimate conflict between religion and science cannot exist, I must nevertheless qualify this assertion once again on an essential point, with reference to the actual content of historical religions. This qualification has to do with the concept of God. During the youthful period of mankind's spiritual evolution human fantasy created gods in man's own image, who, by the operations of their will were supposed to determine, or at any rate to influence, the phenomenal world. Man sought to alter the disposition of these gods in his own favor by means of magic and prayer. The idea of God in the religions taught at present is a sublimation of that old concept of the gods. Its anthropomorphic character is shown, for instance, by the fact that men appeal to the Divine Being in prayers and plead for the fulfillment of their wishes. * '''Nobody, certainly, will deny that the idea of the existence of an omnipotent, just, and omnibeneficent personal God is able to accord man solace, help, and guidance; also, by virtue of its simplicity it is accessible to the most undeveloped mind. But, on the other hand, there are decisive weaknesses attached to this idea in itself, which have been painfully felt since the beginning of history.''' That is, if this being is omnipotent, then every occurrence, including every human action, every human thought, and every human feeling and aspiration is also His work; how is it possible to think of holding men responsible for their deeds and thoughts before such an almighty Being? In giving out punishment and rewards He would to a certain extent be passing judgment on Himself. How can this be combined with the goodness and righteousness ascribed to Him?<br /> '''The main source of the present-day conflicts between the spheres of religion and of science lies in this concept of a personal God.''' * When the number of factors coming into play in a phenomenological complex is too large, scientific method in most cases fails us. One need only think of the weather, in which case prediction even for a few days ahead is impossible. Nevertheless no one doubts that we are confronted with a causal connection whose causal components are in the main known to us.<br />Occurrences in this domain are beyond the reach of exact prediction because of the variety of factors in operation, not because of any lack of order in nature. * The more a man is imbued with the ordered regularity of all events the firmer becomes his conviction that there is no room left by the side of this ordered regularity for causes of a different nature. For him neither the rule of human nor the rule of divine will exists as an independent cause of natural events. To be sure, the doctrine of a personal God interfering with natural events could never be refuted, in the real sense, by science, for this doctrine can always take refuge in those domains in which scientific knowledge has not yet been able to set foot.<br /> But I am persuaded that such behavior on the part of the representatives of religion would not only be unworthy but also fatal. For a doctrine which is able to maintain itself not in clear light but only in the dark, will of necessity lose its effect on mankind, with incalculable harm to human progress. In their struggle for the ethical good, teachers of religion must have the stature to give up the doctrine of a personal God, that is, give up that source of fear and hope which in the past placed such vast power in the hands of priests. In their labors they will have to avail themselves of those forces which are capable of cultivating the Good, the True, and the Beautiful in humanity itself. This is, to be sure, a more difficult but an incomparably more worthy task. * If it is one of the goals of religion to liberate mankind as far as possible from the bondage of egocentric cravings, desires, and fears, scientific reasoning can aid religion in yet another sense. Although it is true that it is the goal of science to discover rules which permit the association and foretelling of facts, this is not its only aim. It also seeks to reduce the connections discovered to the smallest possible number of mutually independent conceptual elements.<br />It is in this striving after the rational unification of the manifold that it encounters its greatest successes, even though it is precisely this attempt which causes it to run the greatest risk of falling a prey to illusions. '''But whoever has undergone the intense experience of successful advances made in this domain is moved by profound reverence for the rationality made manifest in existence.''' By way of the understanding he achieves a far-reaching emancipation from the shackles of personal hopes and desires, and thereby attains that humble attitude of mind toward the grandeur of reason incarnate in existence, and which, in its profoundest depths, is inaccessible to man.<br />This attitude, however, appears to me to be religious, in the highest sense of the word. And so it seems to me that '''science not only purifies the religious impulse of the dross of its anthropomorphism but also contributes to a religious spiritualization of our understanding of life.'''<br />The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge. ==== ''Only Then Shall We Find Courage'' (1946) ==== {{main|Albert Einstein and politics#Only Then Shall We Find Courage (1946)}} * A theory is something nobody believes, except the person who made it. An experiment is something everybody believes, except the person who made it. ** Remark to scientist [[w:Herman Francis Mark|Herman Francis Mark]] ==== ''Religion and Science: Irreconcilable?'' (1948) ==== [[File:ReligionSymbol.svg|thumb|[[Religion]] is concerned with man's [[attitude]] toward [[nature]] at large, with the establishing of [[ideals]] for the individual and communal [[life]], and with mutual [[human]] relationship.]] : <small>''The Christian Register'' (June 1948); republished in ''Ideas and Opinions'' (1954) [http://www.einsteinandreligion.com/irrec.html Full text online]</small> [[File:Mahatma_Buddha.jpg|thumb|The [[great]] [[moral]] [[teachers]] of [[humanity]] were, in a way, [[artistic]] [[geniuses]] in the art of [[living]].]] * '''Does there truly exist an insuperable contradiction between religion and science? Can religion be superseded by science? The answers to these questions have, for centuries, given rise to considerable dispute and, indeed, bitter fighting. Yet, in my own mind there can be no doubt that in both cases a dispassionate consideration can only lead to a negative answer.''' What complicates the solution, however, is the fact that while most people readily agree on what is meant by "science," they are likely to differ on the meaning of "religion." * '''Science, in the immediate, produces knowledge and, indirectly, means of action. It leads to methodical action if definite goals are set up in advance. For the function of setting up goals and passing statements of value transcends its domain.''' While it is true that science, to the extent of its grasp of causative connections, may reach important conclusions as to the compatibility and incompatibility of goals and evaluations, the independent and fundamental definitions regarding goals and values remain beyond science's reach.<br />As regards religion, on the other hand, one is generally agreed that it deals with goals and evaluations and, in general, with the emotional foundation of human thinking and acting, as far as these are not predetermined by the inalterable hereditary disposition of the human species. '''Religion is concerned with man's attitude toward nature at large, with the establishing of ideals for the individual and communal life, and with mutual human relationship.''' These ideals religion attempts to attain by exerting an educational influence on tradition and through the development and promulgation of certain easily accessible thoughts and narratives (epics and myths) which are apt to influence evaluation and action along the lines of the accepted ideals. * It is this mythical, or rather this symbolic, content of the religious traditions which is likely to come into conflict with science. This occurs whenever this religious stock of ideas contains dogmatically fixed statements on subjects which belong in the domain of science. Thus, it is of vital importance for the preservation of true religion that such conflicts be avoided when they arise from subjects which, in fact, are not really essential for the pursuance of the religious aims. * The moral attitudes of a people that is supported by religion need always aim at preserving and promoting the sanity and vitality of the community and its individuals, since otherwise this community is bound to perish. '''A people that were to honor falsehood, defamation, fraud, and murder would be unable, indeed, to subsist for very long.''' * '''The great moral teachers of humanity were, in a way, artistic geniuses in the art of living.''' * '''While religion prescribes brotherly love in the relations among the individuals and groups, the actual spectacle more resembles a battlefield than an orchestra.''' Everywhere, in economic as well as in political life, the guiding principle is one of ruthless striving for success at the expense of one's fellow men. This competitive spirit prevails even in school and, destroying all feelings of human fraternity and cooperation, conceives of achievement not as derived from the love for productive and thoughtful work, but as springing from personal ambition and fear of rejection.<br /> '''There are pessimists who hold that such a state of affairs is necessarily inherent in human nature; it is those who propound such views that are the enemies of true religion, for they imply thereby that religious teachings are Utopian ideals and unsuited to afford guidance in human affairs.''' The study of the social patterns in certain so-called primitive cultures, however, seems to have made it sufficiently evident that such a defeatist view is wholly unwarranted. * While it is true that scientific results are entirely independent from religious or moral considerations, those individuals to whom we owe the great creative achievements of science were all of them imbued with the truly religious conviction that this universe of ours is something perfect and susceptible to the rational striving for knowledge. If this conviction had not been a strongly emotional one and if those searching for knowledge had not been inspired by Spinoza's ''Amor Dei Intellectualis'', they would hardly have been capable of that untiring devotion which alone enables man to attain his greatest achievements. ==== "Autobiographical Notes" (1949) ==== : <small>Published in ''[http://www.worldcat.org/title/albert-einstein-philosopher-scientist/oclc/311439 Albert Einstein : Philosopher-Scientist]'' (1949) edited by [[wikipedia:Paul Arthur Schilpp|Paul A. Schilpp]]. Reprinted in ''A Stubbornly Persistent Illusion: The Essential Scientific Works of Albert Einstein'' (2009) edited by [[Stephen Hawking]], [http://books.google.com/books?id=th3Cpu_QYVQC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA339#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 339].</small> * Even when I was a fairly precocious young man the nothingness of the hopes and strivings which chases most men restlessly through life came to my consciousness with considerable vitality. Moreover, I soon discovered the cruelty of that chase, which in those years was much more carefully covered up by hypocrisy and glittering words than is the case today. By the mere existence of his stomach everyone was condemned to participate in that chase. Moreover, it was possible to satisfy the stomach by such participation, but not man in so far as he is a thinking and feeling being. As the first way out there was religion, which is implanted into every child by way of the traditional education-machine. '''Thus I came—despite the fact that I was the son of entirely irreligious (Jewish) parents—to a deep religiosity, which, however, found an abrupt ending at the age of 12.''' Through the reading of popular scientific books I soon reached the conviction that much in the stories of the Bible could not be true. The consequence was a positively fanatic [orgy of] freethinking coupled with the impression that youth is intentionally being deceived by the state through lies; it was a crushing impression. '''Suspicion against every kind of authority grew out of this experience, a skeptical attitude towards the convictions which were alive in any specific social environment—an attitude which has never again left me''', even though later on, because of a better insight into the causal connections, it lost some of its original poignancy.<!-- p. 339-340 of "A Stubbornly Persistent Illusion" --> * '''It is quite clear to me that the religious paradise of youth, which was thus lost, was a first attempt to free myself from the chains of the "merely-personal," from an existence which is dominated by wishes, hopes and primitive feelings.''' Out yonder there was this huge world, which exists independently of us human beings and which stands before us like a great, eternal riddle, at least partially accessible to our inspection and thinking. The contemplation of this world beckoned like a liberation, and I soon noticed that many a man whom I had learned to esteem and to admire had found inner freedom and security in devoted occupation with it. The mental grasp of this extrapersonal world within the frame of the given possibilites swam as highest aim half consciously and half unconsciously before my mind's eye. Similarly motivated men of the present and of the past, as well as the insights which they had achieved, were the friends which could not be lost. '''The road to this paradise was not as comfortable and alluring as the road to the religious paradise; but it has proved itself as trustworthy, and I have never regretted having chosen it.'''<!-- 340 of "A Stubbornly Persistent Illusion" --> * For me it is not dubious that our thinking goes on for the most part without use of signs (words) and beyond that to a considerable degree unconsciously. For how, otherwise, should it happen that sometimes we "wonder" quite spontaneously about some experience? This "wondering" seems to occur when an experience comes into conflict with a world of concepts which is already sufficiently fixed in us. Whenever such a conflict is experienced hard and intensively it reacts back upon our thought world in a decisive way. The development of this thought world is in a certain sense a continuous flight from "wonder."<!-- pp. 341-342 of "A Stubbornly Persistent Illusion" --> * '''A wonder of such nature I experienced as a child of 4 or 5 years, when my father showed me a compass.''' That this needle behaved in such a determined way did not at all fit into the nature of events, which could find a place in the unconscious world of concepts (effect connected with direct "touch"). I can still remember—or at least believe I can remember—that this experience made a deep and lasting impression upon me. Something deeply hidden had to be behind things. What man sees before him from infancy causes no reaction of this kind; he is not surprised over the falling of bodies, concerning wind and rain, nor concerning the moon or about the fact that the moon does not fall down, nor concerning the differences between living and non-living matter.<br />At the age of 12 I experienced a second wonder of a totally different nature: in a little book dealing with Euclidean plane geometry, which came into my hands at the beginning of a schoolyear. Here were assertions, as for example the intersection of the three altitudes of a triangle in one point, which—though by no means evident—could nevertheless be proved with such certainty that any doubt appeared to be out of the question. This lucidity and certainty made an indescribable impression upon me. That the axioms had to be accepted unproved did not disturb me. In any case it was quite sufficient for me if I could peg proofs upon propositions the validity of which did not seem to me to be dubious.<!-- 342 of "A Stubbornly Persistent Illusion" --> * One had to cram all this stuff into one's mind for examinations, whether one liked it or not. This coercion had such a deterring effect [upon me] that, after I had passed the final examination, I found the consideration of any scientific problems distasteful to me for an entire year. <!-- p. 346 of "A Stubbornly Persistent Illusion" --> * It is, in fact, nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of instruction have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry; for this delicate little plant, aside from stimulation, stands mainly in need of freedom; without this it goes to wreck and ruin without fail. It is a very grave mistake to think that the enjoyment of seeing and searching can be promoted by means of coercion and a sense of duty.<!-- p. 346 of "A Stubbornly Persistent Illusion" --> * ''Eine Theorie ist desto eindrucksvoller, je größer die Einfachheit ihrer Prämissen ist, je verschiedenartigere Dinge sie verknüpft, und je weiter ihr Anwendungsbereich ist.'' ** '''A theory is the more impressive, the greater the simplicity of its premises, the more diverse things it connects, and the wider its scope''' <!-- 353 of "A Stubbornly Persistent Illusion" --> * Reflections of this type made it clear to me as long ago as shortly after 1900, i.e., shortly after Planck's trailblazing work, that neither mechanics nor electrodynamics could (except in limiting cases) claim exact validity. By and by I despaired of the possibility of discovering the true laws by means of constructive efforts based on known facts. The longer and the more despairingly I tried, the more I came to the conviction that only the discovery of a universal formal principle could lead us to assured results. . . . How, then, could such a universal principle be found? '''After ten years of reflection such a principle resulted from a paradox upon which I had already hit at the age of sixteen: If I pursue a beam of light with the velocity ''c'' (velocity of light in a vacuum), I should observe such a beam as a spatially oscillatory electromagnetic field at rest. However, there seems to be no such thing, whether on the bases of experience or according to Maxwell's equations.''' From the very beginning it appeared to me intuitively clear that, judged from the stand-point of such an observer, everything would have to happen according to the same laws as for an observer who, relative to the earth, was at rest.<!-- 362-363 of "A Stubbornly Persistent Illusion" --> ==== "Einstein's Reply to Criticisms" (1949) ==== :<small>"Einstein's Reply to Criticisms", ''Albert Einstein : Philosopher-Scientist'' (1949), p. 672<!-- Cambridge University Press --></small> * I now imagine a quantum theoretician who may even admit that the quantum-theoretical description refers to ensembles of systems and not to individual systems, but who, nevertheless, clings to the idea that the type of description of the statistical quantum theory will, in its essential features, be retained in the future. He may argue as follows: True, I admit that the quantum-theoretical description is an incomplete description of the individual system. I even admit that a complete theoretical description is, in principle, thinkable. But I consider it proven that the search for such a complete description would be aimless. For the lawfulness of nature is thus constituted that the laws can be completely and suitably formulated within the framework of our incomplete description. <br /> To this I can only reply as follows: Your point of view — taken as theoretical possibility — is incontestable. For me, however, the expectation that the adequate formulation of the universal laws involves the use of ''all'' conceptual elements which are necessary for a complete description, is more natural. It is furthermore not at all surprising that, by using an incomplete description, (in the main) only statistical statements can be obtained out of such description. If it should be possible to move forward to a complete description, it is likely that the laws would represent relations among all the conceptual elements of this description which, ''per se'', have nothing to do with statistics. ==== ''The World As I See It'' (1949) ==== : <small>For the title essay in this work see [[Albert Einstein#Mein Weltbild (My World-view) (1931)|Mein Weltbild (1931)]] above.<!-- Philosophical Library, New York, --></small> [[File:Maurycy_Gottlieb_-_Jews_Praying_in_the_Synagogue_on_Yom_Kippur.jpg|thumb|The man who regards his own [[life]] and that of his fellow creatures as [[meaningless]] is not merely unfortunate but almost disqualified for [[life]].]] '''The Meaning of Life''' * '''What is the [[Meaning of life|meaning of human life]], or of organic life altogether? To answer this question at all implies a religion.''' Is there any sense then, you ask, in putting it? '''I answer, the man who regards his own life and that of his fellow creatures as meaningless is not merely unfortunate but almost disqualified for life.''' * '''This topic brings me to that worst outcrop of the herd nature, the military system, which I abhor. That a man can take pleasure in marching in formation to the strains of a band is enough to make me despise him. He has only been given his big brain by mistake; a backbone was all he needed. This plague-spot of civilization ought to be abolished with all possible speed. Heroism by order, senseless violence, and all the pestilent nonsense that does by the name of patriotism--how I hate them! War seems to me a mean, contemptible thing: I would rather be hacked in pieces than take part in such an abominable business.''' * '''And yet... in spite of everything, is my opinion of the human race that I believe this bogey would have disappeared long ago, had the sound sense of the nations not been systematically corrupted by commercial and political interests acting through the schools and the Press.''' '''Good and Evil''' * '''''The true value of a human being'' is determined primarily by the measure and the sense in which he has attained to liberation from the self.''' '''Society and Personality''' * '''When we survey our lives and endeavors we soon observe that almost the whole of our actions and desires are bound up with the existence of other human beings.''' We see that our whole nature resembles that of the social animals. We eat food that others have grown, wear clothes that others have made, live in houses that others have built. The greater part of our knowledge and beliefs has been communicated to us by other people through the medium of a language which others have created. Without language our mental capacities would be poor indeed, comparable to those of the higher animals; we have, therefore, to admit that we owe our principal advantage over the beasts to the fact of living in human society. '''The individual, if left alone from birth would remain primitive and beast-like in his thoughts and feelings to a degree that we can hardly conceive. The individual is what he is and has the significance that he has not so much in virtue of his individuality, but rather as a member of a great human society, which directs his material and spiritual existence from the cradle to the grave.''' [[File:Gandhi_smiling_1942.jpg|thumb|The example of [[great]] and [[pure]] characters is the only thing that can produce fine [[ideas]] and [[noble]] [[deeds]].]] * '''A man's value to the community depends primarily on how far his feelings, thoughts, and actions are directed towards promoting the good of his fellows.''' We call him good or bad according to how he stands in this matter. It looks at first sight as if our estimate of a man depended entirely on his social qualities. <br /> '''And yet such an attitude would be wrong.''' It is clear that all the valuable things, material, spiritual, and moral, which we receive from society can be traced back through countless generations to certain creative individuals. The use of fire, the cultivation of edible plants, the steam engine — each was discovered by one man.<br /> '''Only the individual can think, and thereby create new values for society — nay, even set up new moral standards to which the life of the community conforms. Without creative, independently thinking and judging personalities the upward development of society is as unthinkable as the development of the individual personality without the nourishing soil of the community.<br /> The health of society thus depends quite as much on the independence of the individuals composing it as on their close political cohesion.''' '''Of Wealth''' * I am absolutely convinced that no wealth in the world can help humanity forward, even in the hands of the most devoted worker in this cause. '''The example of great and pure characters is the only thing that can produce fine ideas and noble deeds.''' Money only appeals to selfishness and always tempts its owners irresistibly to abuse it.<br /> '''Can anyone imagine [[Moses]], [[Jesus]], or [[Gandhi]] armed with the money-bags of [[Andrew Carnegie|Carnegie]]?''' '''Religion in Science''' * '''You will hardly find one among the profounder sort of scientific minds without a peculiar religious feeling of his own. But it is different from the religion of the naive man. For the latter God is a being from whose care one hopes to benefit and whose punishment one fears; a sublimation of a feeling similar to that of a child for its father, a being to whom one stands to some extent in a personal relation, however deeply it may be tinged with awe. But the scientist is possessed by the sense of universal causation. The future, to him, is every whit as necessary and determined as the past. There is nothing divine about morality, it is a purely human affair. His religious feeling takes the form of a rapturous amazement at the harmony of natural law, which reveals an intelligence of such superiority that, compared with it, all the systematic thinking and acting of human beings is an utterly insignificant reflection.''' This feeling is the guiding principle of his life and work, in so far as he succeeds in keeping himself from the shackles of selfish desire. It is beyond question closely akin to that which has possessed the religious geniuses of all ages. '''Greeting to G. Bernard Shaw''' * '''There are few enough people with sufficient independence to see the weaknesses and follies of their contemporaries and remain themselves untouched by them.''' And these isolated few usually soon lose their zeal for putting things to rights when they have come face to face with human obduracy. '''Only to a tiny minority is it given to fascinate their generation by subtle humour and grace and to hold the mirror up to it by the impersonal agency of art. To-day I salute with sincere emotion the supreme master of this method, who has delighted — and educated — us all.''' '''Some Notes on my American Impressions''' : first published as "My First Impression of the U.S.A." (1921) * The prestige of government has undoubtedly been lowered considerably by the Prohibition law. For nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced. It is an open secret that the dangerous increase of crime in the United States is closely connected with this. * The cult of individual personalities is always, in my view, unjustified. To be sure, nature distributes her gifts variously among her children. But there are plenty of the well-endowed ones too, thank God, and I am firmly convinced that most of them live quiet, unregarded lives. It strikes me as unfair, and even in bad taste, to select a few of them for boundless admiration, attributing superhuman powers of mind and character to them. This has been my fate, and the contrast between the popular estimate of my powers and achievements and the reality is simply grotesque. '''The consciousness of this extraordinary state of affairs would be unbearable but for one great consoling thought: it is a welcome symptom in an age which is commonly denounced as materialistic, that it makes heroes of men whose ambitions lie wholly in the intellectual and moral sphere. This proves that knowledge and justice are ranked above wealth and power by a large section of the human race.''' My experience teaches me that this idealistic outlook is particularly prevalent in America, which is usually decried as a particularly materialistic country. * The United States is the most powerful technically advanced country in the world to-day. Its influence on the shaping of international relations is absolutely incalculable. But America is a large country and its people have so far not shown much interest in great international problems, among which the problem of [[disarmament]] occupies first place today. This must be changed, if only in the essential interests of the Americans. '''The last war has shown that there are no longer any barriers between the continents and that the destinies of all countries are closely interwoven. The people of this country must realize that they have a great responsibility in the sphere of international politics. The part of passive spectator is unworthy of this country and is bound in the end to lead to disaster all round.''' '''Letter to a Friend of Peace''' * Small is the number of them that see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts<!-- p. 66 of the edition at http://books.google.com/books?id=aNKOo94tO6cC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA66#v=onepage&q&f=false --> '''Production and Work''' * '''Bureaucracy is the death of all sound work.''' [[File:Redentor.jpg|thumb|If one purges the [[Judaism]] of the [[Prophets]] and [[Christianity]] as [[Jesus]] [[Christ]] taught it of all subsequent additions, especially those of the priests, one is left with a [[teaching]] which is capable of curing all the [[social]] ills of [[humanity]].]] '''Christianity and Judaism''' * '''If one purges the Judaism of the Prophets and Christianity as Jesus Christ taught it of all subsequent additions, especially those of the priests, one is left with a teaching which is capable of curing all the social ills of humanity. <br /> It is the duty of every man of good will to strive steadfastly in his own little world to make this teaching of pure humanity a living force, so far as he can.''' If he makes an honest attempt in this direction without being crushed and trampled under foot by his contemporaries, he may consider himself and the community to which he belongs lucky. '''Unconfirmed:''' : The following quotes have been cited as being from ''The World As I See It'' but are not in later ''abridged'' editions of the original 1949 book and thus these citations are not yet confirmed. * '''May the conscience and the common sense of the peoples be awakened, so that we may reach a new stage in the life of nations, where people will look back on war as an incomprehensible aberration of their forefathers!''' * The state is made for man, not man for the state. And in this respect science resembles the state. ====''{{w|Why Socialism?}}'' (1949)==== :<small> These are just a few select quotes from Einstein's article "Why Socialism?" in ''Monthly Review'' [http://www.monthlyreview.org/598einst.htm] New York (May 1949); for others see:</small> {{Main|Albert Einstein and politics#Why Socialism? (1949)}} * '''Historic tradition is, so to speak, of yesterday; nowhere have we really overcome what [[Thorstein Veblen]] called "[[W:Thorstein Veblen#Veblen's economics and politics|the predatory phase]]" of human development.''' The observable economic facts belong to that phase and even such laws as we can derive from them are not applicable to other phases. Since the real purpose of [[socialism]] is precisely to overcome and advance beyond the predatory phase of human development, economic science in its present state can throw little light on the socialist society of the future. * '''Socialism is directed towards a social-ethical end.''' Science, however, cannot create ends and, even less, instill them in human beings; science, at most, can supply the means by which to attain certain ends. But the ends themselves are conceived by personalities with lofty ethical ideals and — if these ends are not stillborn, but vital and vigorous — are adopted and carried forward by those many human beings who, half unconsciously, determine the slow evolution of society. For these reasons, '''we should be on our guard not to overestimate science and scientific methods when it is a question of human problems; and we should not assume that experts are the only ones who have a right to express themselves on questions affecting the organization of society.''' * '''I am very conscious of the fact that our feelings and strivings are often contradictory and obscure and that they cannot be expressed in easy and simple formulas.''' * Man is, at one and the same time, a solitary being and a social being. As a solitary being, he attempts to protect his own existence and that of those who are closest to him, to satisfy his personal desires, and to develop his innate abilities. As a social being, he seeks to gain the recognition and affection of his fellow human beings, to share in their pleasures, to comfort them in their sorrows, and to improve their conditions of life. Only the existence of these varied, frequently conflicting, strivings accounts for the special character of a man, and their specific combination determines the extent to which an individual can achieve an inner equilibrium and can contribute to the well-being of society. * The abstract concept "society" means to the individual human being the sum total of his direct and indirect relations to his contemporaries and to all the people of earlier generations. The individual is able to think, feel, strive, and work by himself; but he depends so much upon society — in his physical, intellectual, and emotional existence — that it is impossible to think of him, or to understand him, outside the framework of society. It is "society" which provides man with food, clothing, a home, the tools of work, language, the forms of thought, and most of the content of thought; his life is made possible through the labor and the accomplishments of the many millions past and present who are all hidden behind the small word "society." * The individual has become more conscious than ever of his dependence upon society. But he does not experience this dependence as a positive asset, as an organic tie, as a protective force, but rather as a threat to his natural rights, or even to his economic existence. Moreover, his position in society is such that the egotistical drives of his make-up are constantly being accentuated, while his social drives, which are by nature weaker, progressively deteriorate. * The owner of the means of production is in a position to purchase the labor power of the worker. By using the means of production, the worker produces new goods which become the property of the capitalist. The essential point about this process is the relation between what the worker produces and what he is paid, both measured in terms of real value. In so far as the labor contract is free what the worker receives is determined not by the real value of the goods he produces, but by his minimum needs and by the capitalists' requirements for labor power in relation to the number of workers competing for jobs. '''It is important to understand that even in theory the payment of the worker is not determined by the value of his product.''' * '''I have now reached the point where I may indicate briefly what to me constitutes the essence of the crisis of our time. It concerns the relationship of the individual to society. The individual has become more conscious than ever of his dependence upon society. But he does not experience this dependence as a positive asset, as an organic tie, as a protective force, but rather as a threat to his natural rights, or even to his economic existence.''' Moreover, his position in society is such that the egotistical drives of his make-up are constantly being accentuated, while his social drives, which are by nature weaker, progressively deteriorate. '''All human beings, whatever their position in society, are suffering from this process of deterioration. Unknowingly prisoners of their own egotism, they feel insecure, lonely, and deprived of the naive, simple, and unsophisticated enjoyment of life. Man can find meaning in life, short and perilous as it is, only through devoting himself to society.''' * '''The economic anarchy of capitalist society as it exists today is, in my opinion, the real source of the evil.''' We see before us a huge community of producers the members of which are unceasingly striving to deprive each other of the fruits of their collective labor — not by force, but on the whole in faithful compliance with legally established rules. * '''Production is carried on for profit, not for use.''' There is no provision that all those able and willing to work will always be in a position to find employment; an "army of unemployed" almost always exists. The worker is constantly in fear of losing his job. Since unemployed and poorly paid workers do not provide a profitable market, the production of consumers' goods is restricted, and great hardship is the consequence. '''Technological progress frequently results in more unemployment rather than in an easing of the burden of work for all.''' The profit motive, in conjunction with competition among capitalists, is responsible for an instability in the [[Capital accumulation|accumulation]] and utilization of capital which leads to increasingly severe depressions. Unlimited competition leads to a huge waste of labor, and to that crippling of the social consciousness of individuals. * '''I am convinced there is only one way to eliminate these grave evils, namely through the establishment of a socialist economy, accompanied by an educational system which would be oriented toward social goals.''' In such an economy, the means of production are owned by society itself and are utilized in a planned fashion. A planned economy, which adjusts production to the needs of the community, would distribute the work to be done among all those able to work and would guarantee a livelihood to every man, woman, and child. The education of the individual, in addition to promoting his own innate abilities, would attempt to develop in him a sense of responsibility for his fellow men in place of the glorification of power and success in our present society. '''Nevertheless, it is necessary to remember that a planned economy is not yet socialism. A planned economy as such may be accompanied by the complete enslavement of the individual.''' The achievement of socialism requires the solution of some extremely difficult socio-political problems: how is it possible, in view of the far-reaching centralisation of political and economic power, to prevent bureaucracy from becoming all-powerful and overweening? '''How can the rights of the individual be protected and therewith a democratic counterweight to the power of bureaucracy be assured?''' * '''Private capital tends to become concentrated in few hands, partly because of competition among the capitalists, and partly because technological development and the increasing division of labor encourage the formation of larger units of production at the expense of smaller ones.''' The result of these developments is an [[oligarchy]] of private capital the enormous power of which cannot be effectively checked even by a democratically organized political society. This is true since the members of legislative bodies are selected by political parties, largely financed or otherwise influenced by private capitalists who, for all practical purposes, separate the electorate from the legislature. '''The consequence is that the representatives of the people do not in fact sufficiently protect the interests of the underprivileged sections of the population. Moreover, under existing conditions, private capitalists inevitably control, directly or indirectly, the main sources of information (press, radio, education). It is thus extremely difficult, and indeed in most cases quite impossible, for the individual citizen to come to objective conclusions and to make intelligent use of his political rights.''' === 1950s === [[File:Flag_of_the_United_Nations.svg|thumb|Striving for [[peace]] and preparing for [[war]] are incompatible with each other, and in our time more so than ever.]] [[File:Gandhi_Commons.jpg|thumb| [[Mahatma Gandhi|Gandhi]]'s views were the most [[enlightened]] of all the [[political]] men in our time. We should strive to do things in his [[spirit]]... not to use [[violence]] in [[fighting]] for our cause, but by non-participation in what we [[believe]] is [[evil]].]] [[File:HD.3A.006_(10555707034).jpg|thumb|Without "[[ethical culture]]," there is no [[salvation]] for [[humanity]].]] * '''Taken on the whole, I would believe that [[Mahatma Gandhi|Gandhi]]'s views were the most enlightened of all the political men in our time.''' We should strive to do things in his spirit... not to use violence in fighting for our cause, but by non-participation in what we believe is evil. ** [http://streams.gandhiserve.org/einstein.html United Nations radio interview] recorded in Einstein's study, Princeton, New Jersey (1950) * '''In this edition I have added, as a fifth appendix, a presentation of my views on the problem of space in general''' and on the gradual modifications of our ideas on space resulting from the influence of the relativistic view-point. I wished to show that space-time is not necessarily something to which one can ascribe a separate existence, independently of the actual objects of physical reality. '''Physical objects are not ''in space'', but these objects are ''spatially extended'''''. In this way the concept of "empty space" loses its meaning. **Note to the fifteenth edition of ''Relativity: The Special and the General Theory'', June 9th, 1952 *''Ein Mensch ist ein räumlich und zeitlich beschränktes Stück des Ganzen, was wir „Universum" nennen. Er erlebt sich und sein Fühlen als abgetrennt gegenüber dem Rest, eine optische Täuschung seines Bewusstseins. Das Streben nach Befreiung von dieser Fesselung ist der einzige Gegenstand wirklicher Religion. Nicht das Nähren der Illusion sondern nur ihre Überwindung gibt uns das erreichbare Maß inneren Friedens.'' ** '''A human being is a part of the whole, called by us "Universe", a part limited in time and space.''' He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. The striving to free oneself from this delusion is the one issue of true religion. Not to nourish the delusion but to try to overcome it is the way to reach the attainable measure of peace of mind. *** [http://www.lettersofnote.com/2011/11/delusion.html Letter of condolence sent to Robert J. Marcus of the World Jewish Congress (12 February 1950)] · [https://www.huffingtonpost.com/jonah-c-steinberg/beyond-the-delusion-of-se_b_13219428.html Above translation and original German draft] ** Variant translations: ** A human being is a spatially and temporally limited piece of the whole, what we call the "Universe." He experiences himself and his feelings as separate from the rest, an optical illusion of his consciousness. The quest for liberation from this bondage is the only object of true religion. Not nurturing the illusion but only overcoming it gives us the attainable measure of inner peace. *** Google translation of Germant text of Einsteins handwritten note, quoted in [https://thymindoman.com/2018/03/29/einsteins-misquote-on-the-illusion-of-feeling-separate-from-the-whole/ Original draft, texts of letters, and variant translations in "Einstein's Misquote on the Illusion of Feeling Separate from the Whole" (29 March 2018)] ** Variant (Another letter of condolence to another person, written soon after, using the first sentence of the above): ** A human being is a part of the whole, called by us "Universe,' a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security. *** [https://books.google.com/books?id=kABUCgAAQBAJ&lpg=PT11&dq=einstein%20%22norman%20salit%22%20%22part%20of%20the%20whole%22&pg=PT11#v=onepage&q=einstein%20%22norman%20salit%22%20%22part%20of%20the%20whole%22&f=false Condolence letter to Norman Salit, (4 March 1950)]; also quoted in [https://www.nytimes.com/1972/03/29/archives/the-einstein-papers-a-man-of-many-parts-the-einstein-papers-man-of.html "The Einstein Papers. A Man of Many Parts" in ''The New York Times'' (29 March 1972), p. 1] * I believe that pipe smoking contributes to a somewhat calm and objective judgment in all human affairs. ** Statement upon joining the Montreal Pipe Smokers Club (1950) * '''I believe, indeed, that overemphasis on the purely intellectual attitude, often directed solely to the practical and factual, in our education, has led directly to the impairment of ethical values.''' I am not thinking so much of the dangers with which technical progress has directly confronted mankind, as of the stifling of mutual human considerations by a "matter-of-fact" habit of thought which has come to lie like a killing frost upon human relations. ... The frightful dilemma of the political world situation has much to do with this sin of omission on the part of our civilization. '''Without "ethical culture," there is no salvation for humanity.''' ** "The Need for Ethical Culture" celebrating the seventy-fifth anniversary of the [[wikipedia:Ethical Culture|Ethical Culture Society]], founded by [[Felix Adler]] (5 January 1951) (the full remarks can be found in [http://books.google.com/books?id=UppFAAAAYAAJ Ideas and Opinions by Albert Einstein and Carl Seelig]) * One thing I have learned in a long life: that all our science, measured against reality, is primitive and childlike—and yet it is the most precious thing we have. ** Letter to Hans Muehsam (9 July 1951), Einstein Archives 38-408, quoted in ''The Ultimate Quotable Einstein'' (2010) by Alice Calaprice, [http://books.google.com/books?id=G_iziBAPXtEC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA404#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 404] * ''Ich habe keine besondere Begabung, sondern bin nur leidenschaftlich neugierig.'' ** I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious. ** Letter to [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Seelig Carl Seelig] (11 March 1952). A photograph of the letter can be found in [https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/518759/6-priceless-documents-reveal-key-moments-early-einsteins-career this article], and see [https://ein-web.adlibhosting.com/aea/Details/archive/110010989 this page] from the catalog of the [https://albert-einstein.huji.ac.il Albert Einstein Archives] for the full letter. * ''Einer, der nur Zeitungen liest und, wenn's hochkommt, Bücher zeitgenössischer Autoren, kommt mir vor wie ein hochgradig Kurzsichtiger, der es verschmäht, Augengläser zu tragen. Er ist völlig abhängig von den vorurteilen und Moden seiner Zeit, denn er bekommt nichts anderes zu sehen und zu hören. Und was einer selbständig denkt ohne Anlehnung an das Denken und Erleben anderer, ist auch im besten Falle Ziemlich ärmlich und monoton.'' ** Translation: Somebody who reads only newspapers and at best books of contemporary authors appears to me like an extremely near-sighted person who scorns eyeglasses. He is completely dependent on the prejudices and fashions of his times, since he never gets to see or hear anything else. And what a person thinks on his own, without being stimulated by the thoughts and experiences of other people, is, similarly, even in the best case rather paltry and monotonous. ** Article in Der Jungkaufmann, [http://www.archive.org/stream/alberteinstein_03_reel03#page/n302/mode/1up April 1952], Einstein Archives 28-972 * A truly rational theory would allow us to deduce the elementary particles (electron, etc.) and not be forced to state them a priori. ** Letter to Michele Besso (10 September 1952), Letter n°190, ''Correspondance, 1903-1955'' (1972), by Pierre Speziali and Michele Angelo Besso <!-- published by Hermann --> * It is not enough to teach a man a specialty. Through it he may become a kind of useful machine but not a harmoniously developed personality. It is essential that the student acquire an understanding of and a lively feeling for values. He must acquire a vivid sense of the beautiful and of the morally good. Otherwise he—with his specialized knowledge—more closely resembles a well-trained dog than a harmoniously developed person. '''He must learn to understand the motives of human beings, their illusions, and their sufferings in order to acquire a proper relationship to individual fellow-men and to the community.''' These precious things are conveyed to the younger generation through personal contact with those who teach, not—or at least not in the main—through textbooks. It is this that primarily constitutes and preserves culture. This is what I have in mind when I recommend the "humanities" as important, not just dry specialized knowledge in the fields of history and philosophy. ** "Education for Independent Thought" in ''The New York Times'', 5 October 1952. Reprinted in ''Ideas and Opinions'' (1954) * '''I think that only daring speculation can lead us further and not accumulation of facts.''' ** Letter to Michele Besso (8 October 1952). According to ''Scientifically speaking: a dictionary of quotations, Volume 1'' (2002), [http://books.google.com/books?id=FFIBzawsfPEC&lpg=PR1&pg=PA154#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 154], the letter is reprinted on p. 487 of ''Correspondance 1903-1955'' (1972) by Michele Besso. * What lead me more or less directly to the special theory of relativity was the conviction that the electromotive force acting on a body in motion in a magnetic field was nothing else but an electric field. ** Letter to the Michelson Commemorative Meeting of the Cleveland Physics Society (1952), as quoted by R.S.Shankland, Am J Phys 32, 16 (1964), p35, republished in A P French, ''Special Relativity'', {{ISBN|0177710756}} * The strange thing about growing old is that the intimate identification with the here and now is slowly lost; one feels transposed into infinity, more or less alone, no longer in hope or fear, only observing. ** Letter to Queen Mother Elisabeth of Belgium (12 January 1953), Einstein Archive 32-405. Quoted in ''Albert Einstein: Creator and Rebel'' by Banesh Hoffman (1973), [http://books.google.com/books?id=sdDaAAAAMAAJ&q=%22no+longer+in+hope+or+fear%22#search_anchor p. 261], and also partially quoted (with a reference to the exact date of the letter) in ''Einstein: His Life and Universe'' by Walter Isaacson (2007), p. 536 * {{anchor|tolerate_evil}} What I particularly admire in him is the firm stand he has taken, not only against the oppressors of his countrymen, but also against those opportunists who are always ready to compromise with the Devil. He perceives very clearly that '''the world is in greater peril from those who tolerate or encourage evil than from those who actually commit it.''' ** Einstein's tribute to [[Pablo Casals]] (30 March 1953), in ''Conversations with Casals'' (1957), page 11, by Josep Maria Corredor, translated from ''Conversations avec Pablo Casals : souvenirs et opinions d'un musicien'' (1955) ** Variant translations or paraphrasing: *** The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it. **** As quoted in ''The Harper Book of Quotations'' by Robert I. Fitzhenry (1993), [http://books.google.com/books?id=THl7kUfSqCUC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA356#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 356] *** The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. **** As quoted in ''Conscious Courage : Turning Everyday Challenges Into Opportunities'' (2004) by Maureen Stearns, p. 99 *** The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything. * Development of Western Science is based on two great achievements, the invention of the formal logical system (in Euclidean geometry) by the Greek philosophers, and the discovery of the possibility to find out causal relationships by systematic experiment (Renaissance). In my opinion one has not to be astonished that the Chinese sages have not made these steps. The astonishing thing is that these discoveries were made at all. ** Letter to J.S. Switzer (23 April 1953), quoted in ''The Scientific Revolution: a Hstoriographical Inquiry'' By [[H. Floris Cohen]] (1994), [http://books.google.com/books?id=wu8b2NAqnb0C&lpg=PP1&pg=PA234#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 234], and also partly quoted in ''The Ultimate Quotable Einstein'' edited by Alice Calaprice (2010), [http://books.google.com/books?id=G_iziBAPXtEC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA405#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 405] * It gives me great pleasure, indeed, to see the stubbornness of an incorrigible nonconformist warmly acclaimed. ** "Address on Receiving Lord & Taylor Award" (4 May 1953) in ''Ideas and Opinions'' * To think with fear of the end of one's life is pretty general with human beings. It is one of the means nature uses to conserve the life of the species. Approached rationally that fear is the most unjustified of all fears, for there is no risk of any accidents to one who is dead or not yet born. In short, the fear is stupid but it cannot be helped. ** Letter to Eileen Danniheisser (1953), quoted in ''Albert Einstein: Creator and Rebel'' by Banesh Hoffman (1973), [http://books.google.com/books?id=sdDaAAAAMAAJ&q=%22think+with+fear%22#search_anchor p. 261]. The exact date, or the name of his correspondent, is not given in the snippet of the book available online, but the quote appears after the letter to the Queen of Belgium from 12 January 1953, and is prefaced by "Nine months later, in words that recall the beliefs of an early atomic speculator, the Roman poet Lucretius, Einstein had written to an inquirer", followed by the quote. The name "Eileen Danniheisser" is given in ''Time: Volume 144'', where it is mentioned in the snippets [http://books.google.com/books?id=JDAnAQAAIAAJ&q=%22obsessive+thoughts%22#search_anchor here] and [http://books.google.com/books?id=JDAnAQAAIAAJ&q=%22think+with+fear%22#search_anchor here] that she had written Einstein "about her obsessive thoughts of death as a child". * I’m a magnet for all the crackpots in the world, but they are of interest to me, too. A favourite pastime of mine is to reconstruct their thinking processes. I feel genuinely sorry for them, that’s why I try to help them. ** (October 15, 1953) as quoted by Johanna Fantova in ''[https://ysfine.com/einstein/fantova/fantova.html Conversations with Einstein]'' * The word god is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. No interpretation no matter how subtle can (for me) change this. ... For me the Jewish religion like all others is an incarnation of the most childish superstitions. And the Jewish people to whom I gladly belong and with whose mentality I have a deep affinity have no different quality for me than all other people. As far as my experience goes, they are no better than other human groups, although they are protected from the worst cancers by a lack of power. Otherwise I cannot see anything 'chosen' about them. ** Gutkind Letter (3 January 1954), {{cite news | title=Childish superstition: Einstein's letter makes view of religion relatively clear | publisher=The Guardian | date=13 May 2008 | url=http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2008/may/12/peopleinscience.religion }} * If I would be a young man again and had to decide how to make my living, I would not try to become a scientist or scholar or teacher. I would rather choose to be a plumber or a peddler in the hope to find that modest degree of independence still available under present circumstances. ** "On Intellectual Freedom", letter to the editor of ''The Reporter'' about the situation of scientists in America (13 / 18 October 1954, v11, no. 9; sometimes cited as 14 / 23 September 1954 instead; reprinted in ''Einstein On Politics: His Private Thoughts and Public Stands on Nationalism, Zionism, War, Peace, and the Bomb'', Rowe & Schulmann 2007; also attested to by Abraham J. Multer in his [https://www.google.com/books/edition/Congressional_Record/7jNqfEuQV08C Congressional testimony] 2 February 1955, quoting a 23 January 1955 speech in Ohio by ''The Reporter'' executive editor Harland Cleveland) * I made one great mistake in my life—when I signed the letter to President Roosevelt recommending that atom bombs be made; but there was some justification—the danger that the Germans would make them. ** Recorded by Linus Pauling, [http://scarc.library.oregonstate.edu/coll/pauling/calendar/1954/11/16-xl.html "Note to Self regarding a meeting with Albert Einstein. November 16, 1954"] * The theory of relativity is a beautiful example of the basic character of the modern development of theory. That is to say, the hypotheses from which one starts become ever more abstract and more remote from experience. But in return one comes closer to the preeminent goal of science, that of encompassing a maximum of empirical contents through logical deduction with a minimum of hypotheses or axioms. The intellectual path from the axioms to the empirical contents or to the testable consequences becomes, thereby, ever longer and more subtle. '''The theoretician is forced, ever more, to allow himself to be directed by purely mathematical, formal points of view in the search for theories, because the physical experience of the experimenter is not capable of leading us up to the regions of the highest abstraction.''' Tentative deduction takes the place of the predominantly inductive methods appropriate to the youthful state of science. Such a theoretical structure must be quite thoroughly elaborated in order for it to lead to consequences that can be compared with experience. It is certainly the case that here, as well, the empirical fact is the all-powerful judge. But its judgment can be handed down only on the basis of great and difficult intellectual effort that first bridges the wide space between the axioms and the testable consequences. The theorist must accomplish this Herculean task with the clear understanding that this effort may only be destined to prepare the way for a death sentence for his theory. '''One should not reproach the theorist who undertakes such a task by calling him a fantast; instead, one must allow him his fantasizing, since for him there is no other way to his goal whatsoever. Indeed, it is no planless fantasizing, but rather a search for the logically simplest possibilities and their consequences.''' ** ''Ideas and Opinions'' (1954), pp. 238–239; quoted in [http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/einstein-philscience/ "Einstein's Philosophy of Science"] * I have expressed an opinion on public issues whenever they appeared to me so bad and unfortunate that silence would have made me feel guilty of complicity. ** Address to the Chicago Decalogue Society (20 February 1954) * Combinatory play seems to be the essential feature in productive thought — before there is any connection with logical construction in words or other kinds of signs which can be communicated to others. ** ''Ideas and Opinions'' (1954), pp. 25–26 * '''Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.''' ** Letter to Besso's family (March 1955) following the death of {{w|Michele Besso}}, as quoted in ''Disturbing the Universe'' (1979) by [[Freeman Dyson]] Ch. 17 "A Distant Mirror", p. 193<!-- DEAD LINK; and in [http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/programs/einsteinsgod/unheardcuts.shtml ''Einstein's God'' (NPR)]--> ** Sometimes misquoted as "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." ** Variant: "He has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. For us believing physicists, the distinction between past, present and future is only a stubborn illusion." Quoted in ''Einstein: His Life and Universe'' by Walter Isaacson (2008), [http://books.google.com/books?id=cdxWNE7NY6QC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA540#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 540]. ** Variant: "Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That signifies nothing. For us believing physicists, the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion." Quoted in ''Albert Einstein: The Miracle Mind'' by Tabatha Yeatts (2007), [http://books.google.com/books?id=XiyyVYvQBKQC&lpg=PP1&pg=PT114#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 116]. ** Variant: "In quitting this strange world he has once again preceded me by a little. That doesn't mean anything. For those of us who believe in physics, this separation between past, present, and future is only an illusion, however tenacious." Quoted in ''The Structure of Physics'' by Carl Friedrich von Weizsäcker (1985), [http://books.google.com/books?id=DeexONN0zDgC&lpg=PR2&pg=PA288#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 288]. ** Variant: "Now he has departed a little ahead of me from this quaint world. This means nothing. For us faithful physicists, the separation between past, present, and future has only the meaning of an illusion, though a persistent one." Quoted in ''Einstein and Religion'' by Max Jammer (2002), [http://books.google.com/books?id=TnCc1f1C25IC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA161#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 161]. ** Variant: "Now he has preceded me by a little bit in his departure from this strange world as well. This means nothing. For those of us who believe in physics, the distinction between past, present, and future is only an illusion, however tenacious this illusion may be." Quoted in ''Einstein: A Biography'' by Jürgen Neff (2007), [http://books.google.com/books?id=B8K6n177ZwcC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA402#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 402] * During that year in Aarau the question came to me: If one runs after a light wave with [a velocity equal to the] light velocity, then one would encounter a time-independent wavefield. However, something like that does not seem to exist! This was the first juvenile thought experiment which has to do with the special theory of relativity. '''Invention is not the product of logical thought, even though the final product is tied to a logical structure.''' ** From his "Autobiographische Skizze" (18 April 1955), original German version [http://philoscience.unibe.ch/documents/kursarchiv/WS99/Skizze.pdf here]. Translation from ''Subtle is the Lord: The Science and the Life of Albert Einstein'' by Abraham Pais (1982), [http://books.google.com/books?id=U2mO4nUunuwC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA131#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 131]. Pais notes that when he said "during that year", he was referring to some time between October 1895 and early fall 1896. ** Variant: "Innovation is not the product of logical thought, even though the final product is tied to a logical structure." ** Original German version: ''Während dieses Jahres in Aarau kam mir die Frage: Wenn man einer Lichtwelle mit Lichtgeschwindigkeit nachläuft, so würde man ein zeitunabhängiges Wellenfeld vor sich haben. So etwas scheint es aber doch nicht zu geben! Dies war das erste kindliche Gedanken-Experiment, das mit der speziellen Relativitätstheorie zu tun hat. Das Erfinden ist kein Werk des logischen Denkens, wenn auch das Endprodukt an die logische Gestalt gebunden ist.'' ("Autobiographische Skizze", p. 10) * The work on satisfactory formulation of technical patents was a true blessing for me. It compelled me to be many-sided in thought, and also offered important stimulation for thought about physics. Following a practical profession is a blessing for people of my type. Because the academic career puts a young person in a sort of compulsory situation to produce scientific papers in impressive quantity, a temptation to superficiality arises that only strong characters are able to resist. ** From his "Autobiographische Skizze" (18 April 1955), original German version [http://philoscience.unibe.ch/documents/kursarchiv/WS99/Skizze.pdf here]. Translation from ''Einstein from 'B' to 'Z''' by John J. Stachel (2001), [http://books.google.com/books?id=OAsQ_hFjhrAC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA5#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 5]. ** Variant: "Working on the final formulation of technological patents was a veritable blessing for me. It enforced many-sided thinking and also provided important stimuli to physical thought. [Academia] places a young person under a kind of compulsion to produce impressive quantities of scientific publications — a temptation to superficiality." As quoted in [http://www7.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0505/resources_who.html "Who Knew?"] at NationalGeographic.com (May 2005). ** Original German version: ''Formulierung technischer Patente ein wahrer Segen für mich. Sie zwang zu vielseitigem Denken, bot auch wichtige Anregungen für das physikalische Denken. Endlich ist ein praktischer Beruf für Menschen meiner Art überhaupt ein Segen. Denn die akademische Laufbahn versetzt einen jungen Menschen in eine Art Zwangslage, wissenschaftliche Schriften in impressiver Menge zu produzieren — eine Verführung zur Oberflächlichkeit, der nur starke Charaktere zu widerstehen vermögen.'' ("Autobiographische Skizze", p. 12) * That is simple my friend: because politics is more difficult than physics. ** ''The New York Times'' (22 April, 1955) response to being asked why people could discover atomic power, but not the means to control it. * The conflict that exists today is no more than an old-style struggle for power, once again presented to mankind in semireligious trappings. The difference is that, this time, the development of atomic power has imbued the struggle with a ghostly character; for both parties know and admit that, should the quarrel deteriorate into actual war, mankind is doomed. ** (Apr 1955) unfinished address he was writing prior to death. * '''The important thing is not to stop questioning.''' Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day. '''Never lose a holy curiosity'''. ... Don't stop to marvel. ** [http://books.google.com/books?id=dlYEAAAAMBAJ&lpg=PP1&dq=Life%2C%202%20May%201955&pg=PA61#v=onepage&q=Life,%202%20May%201955&f=false ''Death of a Genius,"''] ''LIFE'' magazine (2 May 1955) statement to William Miller, p. 64. [[File:Jacob_Epstein_-_Alfred_Einstein_(1933)_(V%26A).jpg|thumb|right|''Try to become not a man of success, but try rather to become a man of value.'']] * Try to become not a man of success, but try rather to become a man of value. ** As quoted by ''LIFE'' magazine (2 May 1955) * It appears dubious whether a field theory can account for the atomistic structure of matter and radiation as well as of quantum phenomena. ** (1955) as quoted in ''Some strangeness in the proportion: a centennial symposium to celebrate the achievements of Albert Einstein'' (1980) Addison-Wesley Pub. Co., Advanced Book Program. * In matters concerning truth and justice there can be no distinction between big problems and small; for the general principles which determine the conduct of men are indivisible. Whoever is careless with truth in small matters cannot be trusted in important affairs. ** (1955) as quoted in ''Albert Einstein: Historical and Cultural Perspectives'' (1997) ed. {{w|Gerald Holton}}, {{w|Yehuda Elkana}}, p. 388, from The Centennial Symposium in Jerusalem (1979) ==== ''On the Generalized Theory of Gravitation'' (1950) ==== : <small>''Scientific American'' Vol. 182, No. 4. (April 1950)</small> * This is the reason why all attempts to obtain a deeper knowledge of the foundations of physics seem doomed to me unless the basic concepts are in accordance with general relativity from the beginning. This situation makes it difficult to use our empirical knowledge, however comprehensive, in looking for the fundamental concepts and relations of physics, and it forces us to apply free speculation to a much greater extent than is presently assumed by most physicists. * I do not see any reason to assume that the heuristic significance of the principle of general relativity is restricted to gravitation and that the rest of physics can be dealt with separately on the basis of special relativity, with the hope that later on the whole may be fitted consistently into a general relativistic scheme. I do not think that such an attitude, although historically understandable, can be objectively justified. The comparative smallness of what we know today as gravitational effects is not a conclusive reason for ignoring the principle of general relativity in theoretical investigations of a fundamental character. In other words, I do not believe that it is justifiable to ask: What would physics look like without gravitation? * There exists a passion for comprehension, just as there exists a passion for music. That passion is rather common in children, but it gets lost in most people later on. Without this passion, there would be neither mathematics nor natural science. Time and again the passion for understanding has led to the illusion that man is able to comprehend the objective world rationally, by pure thought, without any [[Empiricism|empirical]] foundations—in short, by [[metaphysics]]. I believe that every true theorist is a kind of tamed metaphysicist, no matter how pure a "[[Positivism|positivist]]" he may fancy himself. The metaphysicist believes that the logically simple is also the real. The tamed metaphysicist believes that not all that is logically simple is embodied in experienced reality, but that the totality of all sensory experience can be "comprehended" on the basis of a conceptual system built on premises of great simplicity. The skeptic will say that this is a "miracle creed." Admittedly so, but it is a miracle creed which has been borne out to an amazing extent by the development of science. ==== ''Out of My Later Years'' (1950) ==== : <small>A collection of Einstein's essays which cover a period of 1934 to 1950.</small> * What is significant in one's own existence one is hardly aware, and it certainly should not bother the other fellow. What does a fish know about the water in which he swims all his life? ** Ch. 2 "Self-Portrait" (1936), [http://books.google.com/books?id=Q1UxYzuI2oQC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA5#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 5] * I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity. ** Ch. 2 "Self-Portrait" (1936), [http://books.google.com/books?id=Q1UxYzuI2oQC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA5#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 5] * '''For scientific endeavor is a natural whole the parts of which mutually support one another in a way which, to be sure, no one can anticipate.''' ** Ch. 6 "On Freedom" (1940), [http://books.google.com/books?id=Q1UxYzuI2oQC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA12#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 12] * This freedom of communication is indispensable for the development and extension of scientific knowledge, a consideration of much practical import. In the first instance it must be guaranteed by law. '''But laws alone cannot secure freedom of expression; in order that every man may present his views without penalty there must be a spirit of tolerance in the entire population.''' Such an ideal of external liberty can never be fully attained but must be sought unremittingly if scientific thought, and philosophical and creative thinking in general, are to be advanced as far as possible. ** Ch. 6 "On Freedom" (1940), [http://books.google.com/books?id=Q1UxYzuI2oQC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA13#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 13] * We all know, from what we experience with and within ourselves, that our conscious acts spring from our desires and our fears. Intuition tells us that that is true also of our fellows and of the higher animals. We all try to escape pain and death, while we seek what is pleasant. We are all ruled in what we do by impulses; and these impulses are so organized that our actions in general serve for our self preservation and that of the race. Hunger, love, pain, fear are some of those inner forces which rule the individual’s instinct for self preservation. At the same time, as social beings, we are moved in the relations with our fellow beings by such feelings as sympathy, pride, hate, need for power, pity, and so on. All these primary impulses, not easily described in words, are the springs of man’s actions. All such action would cease if those powerful elemental forces were to cease stirring within us. Though our conduct seems so very different from that of the higher animals, the primary instincts are much alike in them and in us. The most evident difference springs from the important part which is played in man by a relatively strong power of imagination and by the capacity to think, aided as it is by language and other symbolical devices. Thought is the organizing factor in man, intersected between the causal primary instincts and the resulting actions. In that way imagination and intelligence enter into our existence in the part of servants of the primary instincts. But their intervention makes our acts to serve ever less merely the immediate claims of our instincts. ** Ch. 7 "Morals and Emotions" (1938), p. 15 * Intelligence makes clear to us the interrelation of [[means and ends]]. But mere thinking cannot give us a sense of the ultimate and fundamental ends. To make clear these fundamental ends and valuations, and to set them fast in the emotional life of the individual, seems to me precisely the most important function which religion has to perform in the social life of man. ** Ch. 8 "Science and Religion" (1939-1941), [http://books.google.com/books?id=Q1UxYzuI2oQC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA22#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 22] * '''The highest principles for our aspirations and judgments are given to us in the Jewish-Christian religious tradition. It is a very high goal which, with our weak powers, we can reach only very inadequately, but which gives a sure foundation to our aspirations and valuations.''' ** Ch. 8 "Science and Religion" (1939-1941), [http://books.google.com/books?id=Q1UxYzuI2oQC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA23#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 23] * The very fact that the totality of our sense experience is such that by means of thinking (operations with concepts, and the creation and use of definite functional relations between them, and the coordination of sense experience to these concepts) it can be put in order, this fact is one which leaves us in awe, but which we shall never understand. One may say '''"the eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility."''' . . . In speaking here concerning "comprehensibility," the expression is used in its most modest sense. It implies: the production of some sort of order among sense impressions, this order being produced by the creation of general concepts, relations between these concepts, and by relations between the concepts and sense experience, these relations being determined in any possible manner. It is in this sense that the world of our sense experience is comprehensible. '''The fact that it is comprehensible is a miracle.''' ** Ch. 13 "Physics and Reality" (1936), [http://books.google.com/books?id=Q1UxYzuI2oQC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA61#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 61] * Ethical axioms are founded and tested not very differently from the axioms of science. '''Truth is what stands the test of experience.''' ** Ch. 16 "The Laws of Science and the Laws of Ethics" (1950) [[File:Tokyo 1945-3-10-1.jpg|thumb|The objective of avoiding [[w:Global catastrophic risk|total destruction]] must have priority over any other objective.]] * I advocate world government because I am convinced that there is no other possible way of eliminating the most terrible danger in which man has ever found himself. '''The objective of avoiding [[w:Global catastrophic risk|total destruction]] must have priority over any other objective.''' ** Ch. 27 ''A reply to the Soviet scientists'' (1948) * One strength of the [[communist system]] of the East is that it has some of the character of a religion and inspires the emotions of a religion. Unless the concept of peace based on law gathers behind it the force and zeal of a religion, it can hardly hope to succeed. ** Ch. 31 "Atomic War or Peace" part II (1947) * And certainly '''we should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality. It cannot lead, it can only serve'''; and it is not fastidious in its choice of a leader. This characteristic is reflected in the qualities of its priests, the intellectuals. '''The intellect has a sharp eye for methods and tools, but is blind to ends and values.''' So it is no wonder that this fatal blindness is handed on from old to young and today involves a whole generation. ** Ch. 51 "The Goal of Human Existence" (1943) ==== ''Essay to Leo Baeck'' (1953) ==== [[File:Albert Einstein sticks his tongue 1951.jpg|thumb|Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a [[judge]] of [[Truth]] and [[Knowledge]] is shipwrecked by the laughter of the [[gods]].]] [[File:Estatua_de_Einstein._Parque_de_Ciencias_Granada.jpg|thumb|Hail to the man who went through [[life]] always [[helping]] others, knowing no fear, and to whom [[aggressiveness]] and [[resentment]] are alien. Such is the stuff of which the [[great]] [[moral]] [[leaders]] are made.]] : <small>Statements by Einstein from ''Essays Presented to [[wikipedia:Leo Baeck|Leo Baeck]] on the Occasion of His Eightieth Birthday'' (1954), p. 26; Baeck's birthday was 23 May 1953; Einstein Archives 28-962. Some quotes are from ''The New Quotable Einstein'' (2005) edited by Alice Calaprice, pp. 120-121, others from ''Ideas and Opinions'' by Albert Einstein (1954), where they appear in the section "Aphorisms for Leo Baeck."</small> * '''Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a [[judge]] of [[Truth]] and [[Knowledge]] is shipwrecked by the [[laughter]] of the [[gods]].''' ** ''Ideas and Opinions'' * ''Um ein tadelloses Mitglied einer Schafherde sein zu können, muß man vor allem ein Schaf sein.'' ** '''In order to be a perfect member of a flock of [[sheep]], one has to be, foremost, a sheep.''' ** ''The New Quotable Einstein'' ** variant translation from ''Ideas and Opinions'': "In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep." * '''Hail to the man who went through life always [[helping]] others, knowing no fear, and to whom aggressiveness and resentment are alien.''' Such is the stuff of which the great moral leaders are made. ** ''The New Quotable Einstein'' ** variant translation from ''Ideas and Opinions'': "I salute the man who is going through life always helpful, knowing no fear, and to whom aggressiveness and resentment are alien. Such is the stuff of which the great moral leaders are made who proffer consolation to mankind in their self-created miseries." * The attempt to combine wisdom and power has only rarely been successful, and then only for a short while. ** ''The New Quotable Einstein'' * '''Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity [[opinions]] that differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions.''' ** ''The New Quotable Einstein'' * Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else—unless it is an enemy. ** ''Ideas and Opinions'' * ''Die Majorität der Dummen ist unüberwindbar und für alle Zeiten gesichert. Der Schrecken ihrer Tyrannei ist indessen gemildert durch Mangel an Konsequenz''. ** The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency. ** ''Ideas and Opinions'' * The contrasts and contradictions that can permanently live peacefully side by side in a skull make all the systems of political optimists and pessimists illusory. ** ''Ideas and Opinions'' * [[Joy]] in looking and comprehending is nature's most beautiful gift. ** ''Ideas and Opinions'' ===1954=== *Great moral teachers of humanity were, in a certain sense, geniuses in the art of living more than in the art of thinking. **Albert Einstein, Ideas and Opinions (1954), p. 12. ====1955 ==== * I want to go when I want. It is tasteless to prolong life artificially. I have done my share; it is time to go. I will do it elegantly. ** [Words he used to refuse heart surgery the day before he passed away.] ** Einsteins Legacy: The Final Chapter, Albert Einstein dies soon after a blood vessel bursts near his heart. ''American Museum of Natural History'' April 18, 1955 ==== ''[[w:Russell–Einstein Manifesto|Russell–Einstein Manifesto]]'' (1955) ==== : <small>[https://pugwash.org/1955/07/09/statement-manifesto/ Full text of the manifesto]</small> [[File:Nagasakibomb.jpg|thumb|right|Here, then, is the problem which we present to you, stark and dreadful and inescapable: Shall we put an [[w:Global catastrophic risk|end to the human race]]; or shall mankind renounce war?]] * '''Here, then, is the problem which we present to you, stark and dreadful and inescapable: Shall we put an [[w:Global catastrophic risk|end to the human race]]; or shall mankind renounce war?''' * '''We are speaking on this occasion, not as members of this or that nation, continent, or creed, but as human beings, members of the species Man, whose continued existence is in doubt.''' The world is full of conflicts; and, overshadowing all minor conflicts, the titanic struggle between Communism and anti-Communism...we want you, if you can, to set aside such feelings and '''consider yourselves only as members of a biological species which has had a remarkable history, and whose disappearance none of us can desire.''' * It is feared that if many [[w:Thermonuclear weapons|H-bombs]] are used there will be [[w:Human extinction|universal death]], sudden only for a minority, but for the majority a slow torture of disease and disintegration. === Attributed in posthumous publications === : <small>Posthumous quotes can be particularly problematic, especially where earlier sources are not cited at all. </small> * When I examine myself and my methods of thought I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge. ** A comment recalled by János Plesch in ''János, the Story of a Doctor'' (1947), p. 207. Also quoted in ''Einstein: the Life and Times'' by Ronald W. Clark (1971), [http://books.google.com/books?id=6IKVA0lY6MAC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA118#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 118]. ** Variant: "When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come close to the conclusion that the gift of imagination has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing absolute knowledge." From ''The Ultimate Quotable Einstein'' by Alice Calaprice (2010), [http://books.google.com/books?id=G_iziBAPXtEC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA26#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 26]. This book attributes it to ''Einstein and the Humanities'' (1979) by Dennis Ryan, p. 125, but Calaprice seems to have copied it wrong, since searching "inside the book" on this book's [http://www.amazon.com/Einstein-Humanities-Contributions-Dennis-Ryan/dp/0313253803 amazon page] using the word "gift" shows that p. 125 actually gives the same quote as in ''János, the Story of a Doctor''. * God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically. ** Attributed to Einstein by his colleague Léopold Infeld in his book ''Quest: An Autobiography'' (1949), [http://books.google.com/books?id=fsvXYpOSowkC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA279#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 279] * I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university. ** Attributed to Einstein by his colleague Léopold Infeld in his book ''Quest: An Autobiography'' (1949), [http://books.google.com/books?id=fsvXYpOSowkC&q=%22garbage+man%22#v=snippet&q=%22garbage%20man%22&f=false p. 291] * Yes, we now have to divide up our time like that, between politics and our equations. '''But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever.''' ** Earliest source located is the book ''Brighter than a Thousand Suns: A Personal History of the Atomic Scientists'' by Robert Jungk (1958), p. 249, which says that Einstein made the comment during "a walk with Ernst Straus, a young mathematician acting as his scientific assistant at Princeton." ** Variant: "Equations are more important to me, because politics is for the present, but an equation is something for eternity." From ''A Briefer History of Time'' by Stephen Hawking (2005), [http://books.google.com/books?id=4Y0ZBW19n_YC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA144#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 144]. ** Earlier, Straus recalled the German version of the quote in ''Helle Zeit, Dunkle Zeit: In Memoriam Albert Einstein'' (1956) edited by Carl Seelig<!-- Zurich: Europa Verlag -->, p. 71. There the quote was given as ''Ja, so muß man seine Zeit zwischen der Politik und unseren Gleichungen teilen. Aber unsere Gleichungen sind mir doch viel wichtiger; denn die Politik ist für die Gegenwart da, aber solch eine Gleichung is etwas für die Ewigkeit.'' * ''Was mich eigentlich interessiert, ist, ob Gott die Welt hätte anders machen können; das heisst, ob die Forderung der logischen Einfachheit überhaupt eine Freiheit lässt.'' ** Quoted by [[wikipedia:Ernst G. Straus|Ernst G. Straus]], who was Einstein's assistant from 1944 to 1948, in Carl Seelig, ''Helle Zeit—Dunkle Zeit'' (Europa Verlag, Zurich, 1956), p. 72 ** '''What I am really interested in is knowing whether God could have created the world in a different way'''; in other words, whether the requirement of logical simplicity admits a margin of freedom. *** As translated in Max Jammer, ''Einstein and Religion'' (Princeton University Press, 1999), p. 124 ** What I'm really interested in is whether God could have made the world in a different way; that is, whether the necessity of logical simplicity leaves any freedom at all. *** As translated in Gerald Holton, [https://books.google.com/books?id=_RU7AAAAIAAJ&pg=PR12 ''The Scientific Imagination: Case Studies'' (Cambridge University Press, 1978), p. xii] * How it happened that I in particular discovered the relativity theory, it seemed to lie in the following circumstance. The normal adult never bothers his head about space-time problems. Everything there is to be thought about it, in his opinion, has already been done in early childhood. I, on the contrary, developed so slowly that I only began to wonder about space and time when I was already grown up. In consequence I probed deeper into the problem than an ordinary child would have done. ** In Carl Seelig's ''Albert Einstein: A Documentary Biography'' (1956), Seelig reports that Einstein said this to James Franck, [http://books.google.com/books?id=VCbPAAAAMAAJ&q=%22how+it+happened%22#search_anchor p. 71]. ** I sometimes ask myself how did it come that I was the one to develop the theory of relativity. The reason, I think, is that a normal adult never stops to think about problems of space and time. But my intellectual development was retarded, as a result of which I began to wonder about space and time only when I had already grown up. Naturally, I could go deeper into the problem than a child with normal abilities. *** Variant translation which appears in ''Einstein: The Life and Times'' by Ronald W. Clark (1971), [http://books.google.com/books?id=6IKVA0lY6MAC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA27#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 27] * You see, when a blind beetle crawls over the surface of a globe he doesn't notice that the track he has covered is curved. I was lucky enough to have spotted it. ** Attributed to Einstein in Carl Seelig's ''Albert Einstein: A Documentary Biography'' (1956), [http://books.google.com/books?id=VCbPAAAAMAAJ&q=%22blind+beetle%22#search_anchor p. 80]. Said to have been a comment he made to his son Eduard when Eduard asked him, at age 9, "Why are you actually so famous, papa?" * No, this trick won't work. The same trick does not work twice. How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? ** A comment to [[wikipedia:Thomas Hunt Morgan|T. H. Morgan]], as recalled by Henry Borsook. Einstein was visiting Cal Tech where Morgan and Borsook worked, and Morgan explained to Einstein that he was trying to bring physics and chemistry to bear on the problems of biology, to which Einstein gave this response. Borsook's recollection was published in ''Symposium on Structure of Enzymes and Proteins'' (1956), [http://books.google.com/books?id=H4QjXb4gnEIC&q=%22so+important+a+biological%22#search_anchor p. 284], as part of a piece titled "Informal remarks 'by way of a summary'". Context for this story is also given in ''The Molecular Vision of Life'' by Lily E. Kay (1993), [http://books.google.com/books?id=vEHeNI2a8OEC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA95#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 95] * As far as I'm concerned I prefer silent vice to ostentatious virtue. ** Attributed to Einstein in ''Albert Einstein: A Documentary Biography'' by Carl Seelig (1956), [http://books.google.com/books?id=VCbPAAAAMAAJ&q=%22silent+vice%22#search_anchor p. 114]. Einstein is said to have made this remark "when someone in his company grew angry about a mutual acquaintance's moral decline". * The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes. ** Attributed by his friend Leo Mattersdorf, who also said that "From the time Professor Einstein came to this country until his death, I prepared his income tax returns and advised him on his tax problems." In a letter to ''Time'' magazine, 22 February 1963. See [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2011/03/07/einstein-income-taxes/#more-2031 this post from The Quote Investigator] for more background. * In the matter of physics, the first lessons should contain nothing but what is experimental and interesting to see. A pretty experiment is in itself often more valuable than twenty formulae extracted from our minds. ** ''Conversations with Einstein'' by Alexander Moszkowski (1971), [http://books.google.com/books?id=_D3wAAAAIAAJ&q=%22first+lessons+should+contain+nothing+but+what%22#search_anchor p. 69]. This is just Moszkowski's English translation of a statement he attributed to Einstein in his 1922 book ''Einstein, Einblicke in seine Gedankenwelt'', [http://books.google.com/books?id=6zHPAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA77#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 77]: "Was die Physik betrifft, fuhr Einstein fort, so darf für den ersten Unterricht gar nichts in Frage kommen, als das Experimentelle, anschaulich-Interessante. Ein hübsches Experiment ist schon an sich oft wertvoller, als zwanzig in der Gedankenretorte entwickelte Formeln." As Moszkowski makes clear in the original German text, this "quotation" is a paraphrasing of his conversation with Einstein. * The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer in our health, or we suffer in our soul, or we get fat. ** Attributed in ''Einstein: The Life and Times'' by Ronald W. Clark (1971), p. 737. The only source given in the end notes is "personal information". Einstein is said to have made this comment when a box of candy was being passed around after dinner, and he said that his doctor wouldn't let him eat it. The book also says that 'A friend asked him why it was the devil and not God who had imposed the penalty. "What's the difference?" he answered. "One has a plus in front, the other a minus."'. * '''I love to travel, but I hate to arrive.''' ** A comment of Einstein's recalled by [[John Archibald Wheeler|John Wheeler]] in ''Albert Einstein: His influence on physics, philosophy and politics'' edited by Peter C. Aichelburg, Roman Ulrich Sexl, and Peter Gabriel Bergmann (1979), p. 202 * '''When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity.''' **This variation was first promulgated in ''The New&nbsp;York Times'' in 1929 and attributed to Einstein's secretary: “When you sit with a nice girl for two hours you think it’s only a minute, but when you sit on a hot stove for a minute you think it’s two hours. That’s relativity.”<ref name="qi">{{Cite web |url=https://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/11/24/hot-stove/ |title=Quote Origin: Relativity: A Hot Stove and A Pretty Girl |date=2014-11-24 |accessdate=2025-05-31 |author=quoteresearch |publisher=Quote Investigator}}</ref> ** An explanation of relativity which he gave to his secretary Helen Dukas to convey to non-scientists and reporters, as quoted in ''Best Quotes of '54, '55, '56'' (1957) by James B. Simpson; also in ''Expandable Quotable Einstein'' (2005) edited by Alice Calaprice ** William Hermanns recorded a series of four conversations he had with Einstein and published them in his book ''Einstein and the Poet'' (1983), quoting Einstein saying this variant in a 1948 conversation: '''"To simplify the concept of relativity, I always use the following example: if you sit with a girl on a garden bench and the moon is shining, then for you the hour will be a minute. However, if you sit on a hot stove, the minute will be an hour."''' ([http://books.google.com/books?id=QXCyjj6T5ZUC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA87#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 87]) ** In the 1985 book ''Einstein in America'', Jamie Sayen wrote "Einstein devised the following explanation for her [Helen Dukas] to give when asked to explain relativity: An hour sitting with a pretty girl on a park bench passes like a minute, but a minute sitting on a hot stove seems like an hour." ([http://books.google.com/books?ei=yma3TsDWK8WciQL63smAAQ&ct=book-thumbnail&id=vs3aAAAAMAAJ&dq=sayen+%22einstein+in+america%22&q=pretty+girl#search_anchor p. 130]) * On quantum theory I use up more brain grease (rough translation of German idiom) than on relativity. ** Quoted by [[Otto Stern]], a colleague of Einstein in Zurich from 1912 to 1914, in a 1962 [http://www.aip.org/history/ohilist/4904.html oral history interview] with [[Thomas Samuel Kuhn|Thomas S. Kuhn]] * In view of such harmony in the cosmos which I, with my limited human mind, am able to recognise, there are yet people who say there is no God. But what makes me really angry is that they quote me for support of such views. ** Statement to German anti-Nazi diplomat and author Prince Hubertus zu Lowenstein around 1941, as quoted in his book ''Towards the Further Shore : An Autobiography'' (1968) <!-- p. 156 --> * Much later, when I was discussing cosmological problems with Einstein, '''he remarked that the introduction of the cosmological term was the biggest blunder he ever made in his life.''' ** [[George Gamow]], in his autobiography ''My World Line: An Informal Autobiography'' (1970), p. 44. Here the "cosmological term" refers to the [[wikipedia:Cosmological constant|cosmological constant]] in the equations of general relativity, whose value Einstein initially picked to ensure that his model of the universe would neither expand nor contract; if he hadn't done this he might have theoretically predicted the universal expansion that was first observed by [[Edwin Hubble]]. * We often discussed his notions on objective reality. I recall that during one walk Einstein suddenly stopped, turned to me and asked whether I really believed that the moon exists only when I look at it. ** As recalled by his biographer Abraham Pais in ''Reviews of Modern Physics'', 51, 863 (1979): 907. Cited in ''Boojums All The Way Through'' by N. David Mermin (1990), [http://books.google.com/books?id=bf5bjBk095UC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA81#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 81] * '''Then I would have felt sorry for the dear Lord. The theory is correct.''' ** When asked by a student what he would have done if Sir [[wikipedia:Arthur Eddington|Arthur Eddington]]'s famous 1919 gravitational lensing experiment, which confirmed relativity, had instead disproved it. ** As quoted in ''Reality and Scientific Truth : Discussions with Einstein, von Laue, and Planck'' (1980) by Ilse Rosenthal-Schneider, p. 74 <!-- Detroit: Wayne State University --> ** Variant: "I would have felt sorry for the dear Lord! The theory is, of course, all right." Quoted in ''The Physicist's Conception of Nature'' by Jagdish Mehra (1979), [http://books.google.com/books?id=lSoRzxFye-4C&lpg=PP1&pg=PA131#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 131]. This source attributes it to a conversation with Ilse Rosenthal-Schneider, author of the book the previous version is from. * '''Dimensionless constants in the laws of nature, which from the purely logical point of view can just as well have different values, should not exist.''' ** German orgiginal: ''Dimensionslose Konstanten in den Naturgesetzen, die vom rein logischen Standpunkt aus ebensogut andere Werte haben können, dürfte es nicht geben.'' ** As quoted in ''Begegnungen mit Einstein, von Laue, und Planck'' (1988) by Ilse Rosenthal-Schneider, p. 31<!-- Vieweg Verlag Braunschweig -->, English edition ''Reality and Scientific Truth : Discussions with Einstein, von Laue, and Planck'' (1980) by Ilse Rosenthal-Schneider <!-- Detroit: Wayne State University --> * If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or objects. ** As quoted by Ernst Straus in ''Einstein: A Centenary Volume'' by A.P. French (1980), p. 32. ** Variant: "if you want to be a happy man, you should tie your life to a goal, not to other people and not to things." A quote from Ernst Straus' memoir of Einstein in ''Albert Einstein: Historical and Cultural Perspectives'' edited by Gerald Holton and Yehuda Elkana (1982), [http://books.google.com/books?id=CNuwE3NL1QgC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA420#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 420] *It's a very strange book ([[''The Secret Doctrine'']]) and I've even told [[Werner Heisenberg|professor Heisenberg]], my fellow physicist, to get a copy and keep it on his desk. I urged him to dip into it when he's handicapped by some problem. The strangeness of this book may relax or possibly inspire him. **[http://www.blavatskyarchives.com/brown/jackbrownoneinstein.htm ''I Visit Professor Einstein'' by Jack Brown] published in [[w:Ojai Valley News|''Ojai Valley News'']],(28 September 1983) * If I can't picture it, I can't understand it. ** Attributed to Einstein by physicist [[John Archibald Wheeler]] in John Horgan's article "Profile: Physicist John A. Wheeler, Questioning the 'It from Bit'". ''Scientific American'', pp. 36-37, June 1991. Reprinted [http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=pioneering-physicist-john-wheeler-dies here] after Wheeler's death. * I said before, the most beautiful and most profound religious emotion that we can experience is the sensation of the mystical. And this mysticality is the power of all true science. If there is any such concept as a God, it is a subtle spirit, not an image of a man that so many have fixed in their minds. In essence, my religion consists of a humble admiration for this illimitable superior spirit that reveals itself in the slight details that we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble minds. ** As quoted in ''The Private Albert Einstein'' (1992) by Peter A. Bucky and Allen G. Weakland, p. 86 * The physicists say that I am a mathematician, and the mathematicians say that I am a physicist. I am a completely isolated man and though everybody knows me, there are very few people who really know me. ** Statement recorded in the diary of his companion Johanna Fantova, quoted at the end of the ''New York Times'' story [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/04/24/nyregion/from-companion-s-lost-diary-a-portrait-of-einstein-in-old-age.html?pagewanted=all&src=pm "From Companion's Lost Diary, A Portrait of Einstein in Old Age"] by Dennis Overbye (24 April 2004) * Even on the most solemn occasions I got away without wearing socks and hid that lack of civilisation in high boots. ** Albert Einstein in a letter to his cousin and second wife Elsa, during a visit to the University of Oxford, in collection donated to the Hebrew University of Jerusalem in Israel by Einstein's stepdaughter Margot, as quoted in [http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn9555&feedId=online-news_rss20 "Einstein in no-sock shock"], ''New Scientist'' (15 July 2006) <!-- date of letter needed here --> *'''The more I study science, the more I believe in God.''' **Quoted in a WSJ 1994 article [https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB882911317496560000 Science Resurrects God]. ==== ''Albert Einstein: The Human Side'' (1979) ==== : <small>[[wikipedia:Helen Dukas|Helen Dukas]] and [[wikipedia:Banesh Hoffmann|Banesh Hoffmann]], ''Albert Einstein, The Human Side: New Glimpses From His Archives'' (1979)</small> [[File:La Liberté guidant le peuple - Eugène Delacroix - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 129 - après restauration 2024.jpg|thumb|[[Politics]] is a pendulum whose swings between [[anarchy]] and [[tyranny]] are fueled by perpetually rejuvenated illusions.]] [[File:Theosophical_Society_Seal.jpg|thumb| The [[mystical]] trend of our time, which shows itself particularly in the rampant growth of the so-called Theosophy and Spiritualism, is for me no more than a symptom of weakness and confusion.]] * In the past it never occurred to me that every casual remark of mine would be snatched up and recorded. Otherwise I would have crept further into my shell. ** Letter to Carl Seelig (25 October 1953), p. 22 * Never before have I lived through a storm like the one this night. ... The sea has a look of indescribable grandeur, especially when the sun falls on it. One feels as if one is dissolved and merged into Nature. Even more than usual, one feels the insignificance of the individual, and it makes one happy. ** Entry in a travel diary (10 December 1931) discussing a storm at sea, p. 23 * Measured objectively, what a man can wrest from Truth by passionate striving is utterly infinitesimal. But the striving frees us from the bonds of the self and makes us comrades of those who are the best and the greatest. ** A note Einstein wrote underneath an etching of himself (made by Hermann Struck) which he sent to a friend, Dr. Hans Mühsam. According to the book, "the date is 1920 or perhaps earlier", p. 24 * There has been an earth for a little more than a billion years. As for the question of the end of it I advise: '''Wait and see!''' ** 19 June 51, p. 34 * '''Where the [[world]] ceases to be the scene of our personal hopes and wishes, where we face it as free beings admiring, asking, observing, there we enter the realm of [[Art]] and [[Science]].''' If what is seen and experienced is portrayed in the language of logic, we are engaged in science. If it is communicated through forms whose connections are not accessible to the conscious mind but are recognized intuitively as meaningful, then we are engaged in art. Common to both is love and devotion to that which transcends personal concerns and volition. ** p. 37 - 27 January 1921 * '''Body and [[soul]] are not two different things, but only two different ways of perceiving the same thing.''' Similarly, physics and psychology are only different attempts to link our experiences together by way of systematic thought. ** Aphorism (1937), p. 38 * I do not believe in immortality of the individual, and I consider ethics to be an exclusively human concern with no superhuman authority behind it. ** Reply to a letter sent to him on 17 July 1953<!-- ; it is not known if the reply was sent --> p. 39 * I have never imputed to Nature a purpose or a goal, or anything that could be understood as anthropomorphic. What I see in Nature is a magnificent structure that we can comprehend only very imperfectly, and that must fill a thinking person with a feeling of "humility." This is a genuinely religious feeling that has nothing to do with mysticism. ** Draft of a German reply to a letter sent to him in 1954 or 1955<!-- (also not known if this reply was sent) -->, p. 39 * The mystical trend of our time, which shows itself particularly in the rampant growth of the so-called Theosophy and Spiritualism, is for me no more than a symptom of weakness and confusion. Since our inner experiences consist of reproductions and combinations of sensory impressions, the concept of a soul without a body seem to me to be empty and devoid of meaning. ** Statement (5 February 1921), p. 40 * '''It was, of course, a lie what you read about my religious convictions, a lie which is being systematically repeated. I do not believe in a personal God and I have never denied this but have expressed it clearly. If something is in me which can be called religious then it is the unbounded admiration for the structure of the world so far as our science can reveal it.''' ** Letter to an atheist (24 March 1954), p. 43 * Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it. ** From the same 24 March 1954 letter as above, p. 44 * '''Nothing truly valuable arises from ambition or from a mere sense of duty; it stems rather from love and devotion towards men and towards objective things.''' ** Letter (30 July 1947), p. 46 * Something there is that can refresh and revivify older people: joy in the activities of the younger generation—a joy, to be sure, that is clouded by dark forebodings in these unsettled times. And yet, as always, the springtime sun brings forth new life, and we may rejoice because of this new life and contribute to its unfolding; and Mozart remains as beautiful and tender as he always was and always will be. There is, after all, something eternal that lies beyond reach of the hand of fate and of all human delusions. And such eternals lie closer to an older person than to a younger one oscillating between fear and hope. For us, there remains the privilege of experiencing beauty and truth in their purest forms. ** Letter to Queen Mother Elizabeth of Belgium (20 March, likely 1936), written to her when she was depressed over the recent death of her husband and daughter-in-law, p. 51 [[File:2006-12-03_Ring_of_love_Edit.jpg|thumb|Falling in [[love]] is not at all the most [[stupid]] thing that people do — but gravitation cannot be held responsible for it.]] * '''Falling in love is not at all the most stupid thing that people do — but gravitation cannot be held responsible for it.''' ** Jotted (in German) on the margins of a letter to him (1933), p. 56 ** Unsourced variants: Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. / You can't [[blame]] gravity for falling in love. * Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it. ** Letter to California student E. Holzapfel (March 1951) Einstein Archive 59-1013, p. 57 * In my opinion, condemning the Zionist movement as "nationalistic" is unjustified. Consider the path by which [[wikipedia:Theodor Herzl|Herzl]] came to his mission. Initially he had been completely cosmopolitan. But during the [[wikipedia:Dreyfus affair|Dreyfus trial]] in Paris he suddenly realized with great clarity how precarious was the situation of the Jews in the western world. And courageously he drew the conclusion that we are discriminated against or murdered not because we are Germans, Frenchmen, Americans, etc. of the "Jewish faith" but simply because we are Jews. Thus already our precarious situation forces us to stand together irrespective of our citizenship.<br />Zionism gave the German Jews no great protection against annihilation. But it did give the survivors the inner strength to endure the debacle with dignity and without losing their healthy self respect. Keep in mind that perhaps a similar fate could be lying in wait for your children. ** c. 1946, p. 63-64 * '''Anonymity is no excuse for stupidity.''' ** c. 1948, p. 54 * '''My religiosity consists in a humble admiration of the infinitely superior spirit that reveals itself in the little that we, with our weak and transitory understanding, can comprehend of reality. Morality is of the highest importance — but for us, not for God.''' ** p. 66 of the 1981 edition * '''It seems hard to sneak a look at God's cards. But that He plays dice and uses "telepathic" methods... is something that I cannot believe for a single moment.''' ** Letter to Cornel Lanczos (21 March 1942), p. 68 [[File:Buddha_statue,_Nha_Trang.jpg|thumb|What these [[blessed]] men have given us we must guard and try to keep [[alive]] with [[all]] our [[strength]] if [[humanity]] is not to lose its [[dignity]], the [[security]] of its existence, and its [[joy]] in [[living]].]] [[File:Vittore_Carpaccio_075.jpg|thumb|[[Human]] [[knowledge]] and skills alone cannot lead [[humanity]] to a [[happy]] and [[dignified]] [[life]]. Humanity has every [[reason]] to place the proclaimers of high [[moral]] standards and [[values]] above the discoverers of objective [[truth]].]] * '''Our time is distinguished by wonderful achievements in the fields of scientific understanding and the technical application of those insights. Who would not be cheered by this? But let us not forget that human knowledge and skills alone cannot lead humanity to a happy and dignified life. Humanity has every reason to place the proclaimers of high moral standards and values above the discoverers of objective truth.''' What humanity owes to personalities like [[wikipedia:Gautama Buddha|Buddha]], [[Moses]], and [[Jesus]] ranks for me higher than all the achievements of the enquiring and constructive mind. <br /> '''What these blessed men have given us we must guard and try to keep alive with all our strength if humanity is not to lose its dignity, the security of its existence, and its joy in living.''' ** Written statement (September 1937), p. 70 [[File:Aivazovsky,_Ivan_-_The_Ninth_Wave.jpg|thumb|When the [[expected]] course of everyday [[life]] is interrupted, we are like shipwrecked people on a miserable plank in the open [[sea]], having forgotten where they came from and not knowing whither they are drifting...]] * '''For the most part we humans live with the false impression of security and a feeling of being at home in a seemingly trustworthy physical and human environment.''' But when the expected course of everyday life is interrupted, we are like shipwrecked people on a miserable plank in the open sea, having forgotten where they came from and not knowing whither they are drifting. But once we fully accept this, life becomes easier and there is no longer any disappointment. ** Letter (26 April 1945), p. 72 * '''Study and in general the pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives.''' ** Letter to Adrianna Enriques (October 1921), p. 83 * '''The most important human endeavor is the striving for morality in our actions. Our inner balance and even our very existence depend on it. Only morality in our actions can give beauty and dignity to life.''' To make this a living force and bring it to clear consciousness is perhaps the foremost task of education. The foundation of morality should not be made dependent on myth nor tied to any authority lest doubt about the myth or about the legitimacy of the authority imperil the foundation of sound judgment and action. ** Letter to the minister of a church in Brooklyn (20 November 1950), p. 95. The minister had earlier written Einstein asking if he would send him a signed version of a quote about the Catholic church attributed to Einstein in ''Time'' magazine (see {{Section link||Misattributed}} below), and Einstein had written back to say the quote was not correct, but that he was "gladly willing to write something else which would suit your purpose". According to the book, the minister replied "saying he was glad the statement had not been correct since he too had reservations about the historical role of the Church at large", and said that "he would leave the decision to Einstein as to the topic of the statement", to which Einstein replied with the statement above. * If the believers of the present-day religions would earnestly try to think and act in the spirit of the founders of these religions then no hostility on the basis of religion would exist among the followers of the different faiths. '''Even the conflicts and the realm of religion would be exposed as insignificant.''' ** Statement to Christian conference (27 January 1947), p. 96 * Philosophy is like a mother who gave birth to and endowed all the other sciences. Therefore, one should not scorn her in her nakedness and poverty, but should hope, rather, that part of her [[wikipedia:Don Quixote|Don Quixote]] ideal will live on in her children so that they do not sink into philistinism. ** (28 September 1932), p. 106 * I am the one to whom you wrote in care of the Belgian Academy... Read no newspapers, try to find a few friends who think as you do, read the wonderful writers of earlier times, Kant, Goethe, Lessing, and the classics of other lands, and enjoy the natural beauties of Munich's surroundings. Make believe all the time that you are living, so to speak, on Mars among alien creatures and blot out any deeper interest in the actions of those creatures. Make friends with a few animals. Then you will become a cheerful man once more and nothing will be able to trouble you. <br /> Bear in mind that those who are finer and nobler are always alone — and necessarily so — and that because of this they can enjoy the purity of their own atmosphere. <br /> I shake your hand in heartfelt comradeship, E. ** Response to a letter from an unemployed professional musician (5 April 1933), p. 115 ** The editors precede this passage thus, "Early in 1933, Einstein received a letter from a professional musician who presumably lived in Munich. The musician was evidently troubled and despondent, and out of a job, yet at the same time, he must have been something of a kindred spirit. His letter is lost, all that survives being Einstein's reply....Note the careful anonymity of the first sentence — the recipient would be safer that way:" ''Albert Einstein: The Human Side'' concludes with this passage, followed by the original passages in German. ==== ''Albert Einstein: A guide for the perplexed'' (1979) ==== : <small>Kenneth Brecher, "Albert Einstein: 14 March, 1879 – 18 April, 1955 A guide for the perplexed", ''Nature'' 278 (15 March 1979), pp. 215–218, [[doi:10.1038/278215a0]]. The article is described as "A brief collection of direct and indirect quotations by or about Albert Einstein."</small> * The most important tool of the theoretical physicist is his wastebasket. ** Told by P. Morrison * Physics is essentially an intuitive and concrete science. Mathematics is only a means for expressing the laws that govern phenomena. ** From ''Lettre à Maurice Solvine'', by A. Einstein (Gauthier-Villars: Paris 1956) * Who would have thought around 1900 that in fifty years time we would know so much more and understand so much less. ** From ''Albert Einstein and the Cosmic World Order'', by C. Lanczos (Wiley, New York, 1956) ==== ''Einstein and the Poet'' (1983) ==== [[File:Observable universe logarithmic illustration.png|thumb|It is [[intuition]] that improves the [[world]], not just following a trodden path of [[thought]]. Intuition makes us look at unrelated [[facts]] and then think about them until they can all be brought under one [[law]]. To look for related facts means holding onto what one has instead of searching for new facts.]] [[File:JUL Xaos Pattern.png|thumb|The genuine [[scientist]] is not moved by [[praise]] or [[blame]], nor does he [[preach]]. He unveils the [[universe]] and [[people]] come eagerly, without being pushed, to behold a new [[revelation]]: the [[order]], the [[harmony]], the [[magnificence]] of [[creation]]! And as man becomes [[conscious]] of the stupendous [[laws]] that [[govern]] the universe in [[perfect]] harmony, he begins to realize how small he is. He sees the pettiness of [[human]] [[existence]], with its [[ambitions]] and intrigues, its "[[Arrogance|I am better than thou]]" [[creed]]. This is the [[beginning]] of [[cosmic]] [[religion]] within him; [[fellowship]] and human [[service]] become his [[moral]] code. And without such [[Ethics|moral foundations]], we are hopelessly [[doomed]].]] : <small>William Hermanns, ''Einstein and the Poet: In Search of the Cosmic Man'' (1983). From a series of meetings Hermanns had with Einstein in 1930, 1943, 1948, and 1954, during which he took notes on what Einstein said (though it's unclear if he recorded the exact phrasing or filled in words from memory). Another person present at the 1954 conversation offered his own slightly different transcription of Einstein's comments, which was published in the article [http://books.google.com/books?id=dlYEAAAAMBAJ&lpg=PP1&pg=PA62#v=onepage&q&f=false "Death of a Genius"] from the 2 May, 1955 issue of ''Life Magazine''. "Einstein and the Poet" is viewable on Google Books [http://books.google.com/books?id=QXCyjj6T5ZUC here].</small> First conversation (1930): * School failed me, and I failed the school. It bored me. The teachers behaved like ''Feldwebel'' (sergeants). I wanted to learn what I wanted to know, but they wanted me to learn for the exam. What I hated most was the competitive system there, and especially sports. Because of this, I wasn't worth anything, and several times they suggested I leave. This was a Catholic School in Munich. I felt that my thirst for knowledge was being strangled by my teachers; grades were their only measurement. How can a teacher understand youth with such a system? . . . from the age of twelve I began to suspect authority and distrust teachers. I learned mostly at home, first from my uncle and then from a student who came to eat with us once a week. He would give me books on physics and astronomy. The more I read, the more puzzled I was by the order of the universe and the disorder of the human mind, by the scientists who didn't agree on the how, the when, or the why of creation. Then one day this student brought me Kant's ''Critique of Pure Reason''. Reading Kant, I began to suspect everything I was taught. I no longer believed in the known God of the Bible, but rather in the mysterious God expressed in nature. ** p. 8 * The basic laws of the universe are simple, but because our senses are limited, we can't grasp them. There is a pattern in creation. ** p. 10 * But we have higher mathematics, haven't we? This gives me freedom from my senses. The language of mathematics is even more inborn and universal than the language of music; a mathematical formula is crystal clear and independent of all sense organs. I therefore built a mathematical laboratory, set myself in it as if I were sitting in a car, and moved along with a beam of light. ** p. 11 * Since others have explained my theory, I can no longer understand it myself. ** p. 13 * Science is never finished because the human mind only uses a small portion of its capacity, and man's exploration of his world is also limited. If we look at this tree outside whose roots search beneath the pavement for water, or a flower which sends its sweet smell to the pollinating bees, or even our own selves and the inner forces that drive us to act, we can see that we all dance to a mysterious tune, and the piper who plays this melody from an inscrutable distance—whatever name we give him—Creative Force, or God—escapes all book knowledge. ** p. 14 * Many people think that the progress of the human race is based on experiences of an empirical, critical nature, but I say that true knowledge is to be had only through a philosophy of deduction. For it is intuition that improves the world, not just following a trodden path of thought. Intuition makes us look at unrelated facts and then think about them until they can all be brought under one law. To look for related facts means holding onto what one has instead of searching for new facts. Intuition is the father of new knowledge, while [[empiricism]] is nothing but an accumulation of old knowledge. Intuition, not intellect, is the 'open sesame' of yourself. ** p. 16 * What do you think of [[Spinoza]]? For me he is the ideal example of the cosmic man. He worked as an obscure diamond cutter, disdaining fame and a place at the table of the great. He tells us the importance of understanding our emotions and suggests what causes them. Man will never be free until he is able to direct his emotions to think clearly. Only then can he control his environment and preserve his energy for creative work. ** p. 26 * What a betrayal of man's dignity. '''He uses the highest gift, his mind, only ten percent, and his emotions and instincts ninety percent.''' ** p. 31; spoken on hearing German marchers singing war songs. On p. 474 of Alice Calaprice's ''The Ultimate Quotable Einstein'', she lists "we only use 10 percent of our brain" as a quote "misattributed to Einstein", perhaps this is the source of the misquote? Einstein seems to be speaking metaphorically here, not endorsing the [http://www.snopes.com/science/stats/10percent.asp myth] that science has shown 90 percent of the neurons in our brain lie dormant. And the myth dates back to before this interview, for example the book ''Mind Myths: Exploring Popular Assumptions About the Mind and Brain'', edited by Sergio Della Salla, has a chapter by Barry L. Beyerstein titled "Whence Cometh the Myth that We Only Use 10% of our Brains?" which shows on p. 11 an advertisement from the 1929 ''World Almanac'' containing the line "There is NO LIMIT to what the human brain can accomplish. Scientists and psychologists tell us we use only about TEN PER CENT of our brain power." Second conversation (1943): * Matter is real to my senses, but they aren't trustworthy. If [[Galileo]] or [[Copernicus]] had accepted what they saw, they would never have discovered the movement of the earth and planets. ** p. 59 * Electromagnetic fields are not of the mind... Creation may be spiritual in origin, but that doesn't mean that everything created is spiritual. How can I explain such things to you? '''Let us [[accept]] the [[world]] is a [[mystery]]. [[Nature]] is neither solely [[material]] nor entirely [[spiritual]]. [[Man]], too, is more than flesh and [[blood]]; otherwise, no [[religions]] would have been possible. Behind each [[cause]] is still another cause; the [[end]] or the [[beginning]] of [[all]] causes has yet to be found. Behind each cause is still another cause; the end or the beginning of all causes has yet to be found. Yet, only one thing must be remembered: there is no effect without a cause, and there is no lawlessness in creation".''' ** p. 59 * '''If I hadn't an absolute faith in the harmony of creation, I wouldn't have tried for thirty years to express it in a mathematical formula.''' It is only man's consciousness of what he does with his mind that elevates him above the animals, and enables him to become aware of himself and his relationship to the universe. ** p. 61 * '''I believe that I have cosmic religious feelings. I never could grasp how one could satisfy these feelings by praying to limited objects.''' The tree outside is life, a statue is dead. The whole of nature is life, and life, as I observe it, rejects a God resembling man. I like to experience the universe as one harmonious whole. Every cell has life. Matter, too, has life; it is energy solidified. Our bodies are like prisons, and I look forward to be free, but I don't speculate on what will happen to me. I live here now, and my responsibility is in this world now. . . . I deal with natural laws. This is my work here on earth. ** p. 64 * '''The world needs new moral impulses which, I'm afraid, won't come from the churches, heavily compromised as they have been throughout the centuries.''' Perhaps those impulses must come from scientists in the tradition of [[Galileo]], [[Kepler]] and [[Newton]]. In spite of failures and persecutions, these men devoted their lives to proving that the universe is a single entity, in which, I believe, a humanized God has no place. The genuine [[scientist]] is not moved by [[praise]] or [[blame]], nor does he [[preach]]. He unveils the [[universe]] and [[people]] come eagerly, without being pushed, to behold a new [[revelation]]: the [[order]], the [[harmony]], the [[magnificence]] of [[creation]]! And as man becomes [[conscious]] of the stupendous [[laws]] that [[govern]] the universe in [[perfect]] harmony, he begins to realize how small he is. He sees the pettiness of [[human]] [[existence]], with its [[ambitions]] and intrigues, its "[[Arrogance|I am better than thou]]" [[creed]]. '''This is the [[beginning]] of [[cosmic]] [[religion]] within him; [[fellowship]] and human [[service]] become his [[moral]] code. And without such [[Ethics|moral foundations]], we are hopelessly [[doomed]].''' ** p. 66 Third conversation (1948): * '''The God Spinoza revered is my God, too: I meet Him everyday in the harmonious laws which govern the universe.''' My religion is cosmic, and my God is too universal to concern himself with the intentions of every human being. '''I do not accept a religion of fear; My God will not hold me responsible for the actions that necessity imposes.''' My God speaks to me through laws. ** p. 89 * '''I believe in one thing—that only a life lived for others is a life worth living.''' ** p. 91 * If we want to improve the world we cannot do it with scientific knowledge but with ideals. [[Confucius]], [[Buddha]], [[Jesus]] and [[Gandhi]] have done more for [[humanity]] than science has done. We must begin with the [[heart]] of man—with his [[conscience]]—and the values of conscience can only be manifested by selfless service to mankind. In this respect, I feel that the Churches have much guilt. She has always allied herself with those who rule, who have political power, and more often than not, at the expense of peace and humanity as a whole. ** p. 92 * [[Religion]] and [[science]] go together. As I've said before, science without religion is lame and religion without science is blind. They are interdependent and have a common goal—the search for truth. Hence it is absurd for religion to proscribe Galileo or Darwin or other scientists. And it is equally absurd when scientists say that there is no God. The real scientist has faith, which does not mean that he must subscribe to a creed. Without religion there is no charity. The soul given to each of us is moved by the same living spirit that moves the universe. ** p. 94 * I believe that we don't need to worry about what happens after this life, as long as we do our duty here—to love and to serve. ** p. 94 * I have faith in the universe, for it is rational. Law underlies each happening. And I have faith in my purpose here on earth. I have faith in my intuition, the language of my conscience, but I have no faith in speculation about Heaven and Hell. I'm concerned with this time—here and now. ** p. 94 * Philosophy is empty if it isn't based on science. Science discovers, philosophy interprets. ** p. 98 * And the traditional religions worry me. Their long history proves that they have not understood the meaning of the commandment: Thou shalt not kill. If we want to save this world from unimaginable destruction we should concentrate not on the faraway God, but on the heart of the individual. We live now in an international anarchy in which a Third World War with nuclear weapons lies before our door. We must make the individual man aware of his conscience so that he understands what it means that only a few will survive the next war. ** p. 98 * Indeed, it is not intellect, but intuition which advances humanity. Intuition tells man his purpose in this life. ** p. 103 * I do not need any promise of eternity to be happy. My eternity is now. I have only one interest: to fulfill my purpose here where I am. This purpose is not given me by my parents or my surroundings. It is induced by some unknown factors. These factors make me a part of eternity. ** p. 103 * I cannot conceive of anything after my physical death—perhaps it will end it all. The knowledge that I am now on this earth and a mysterious part of eternity is enough for me. My death will be an easy one, too, for since early youth I have always detached myself from family, friends, and surroundings. And should I live on, I have no fear of the next life. Whatever good I did helped to free me from myself. What a miserable creature man would be if he were good not for the sake of being good, but because religion told him that he would get a reward after this life, and that if he weren't good he'd be punished. ** p. 104 * My God may not be your idea of God, but one thing I know of my God — he makes me a humanitarian. I am a proud Jew because we gave the world the Bible and the story of Joseph. ** p. 106 * America is a democracy and has no Hitler, but I am afraid for her future; there are hard times ahead for the American people, troubles will be coming from within and without. America cannot smile away their Negro problem nor Hiroshima and Nagasaki. There are cosmic laws. ** p. 108 * ''[in response to a question about what was meant by his "cosmic religion"]'' It is not a religion that teaches that man is made in the image of God—that is anthropomorphic. Man has infinite dimensions and finds God in his conscience. This religion has no dogma other than teaching man that the universe is rational and that his highest destiny is to ponder it and co-create with its laws. There are only two limiting factors: first, that what seems impenetrable to us is as important as what is cut and dried; and, second, that our faculties are dull and can only comprehend wisdom and serene beauty in crude forms, but the heart of man through intuition leads us to greater understanding of ourselves and the universe. My religion is based on Moses: Love God and love your neighbor as yourself. And for me God is the First Cause. David and the prophets knew that there could be no love without justice or justice without love. I don't need any other religious trappings. ** p. 108 * I believe the main task of the spirit is to free man from his ego. ** p. 109 * But then, after all, we are all alike, for we are all derived from the monkey. ** p. 110 * If I had foreseen [[wikipedia:Atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki|Hiroshima and Nagasaki]], I would have torn up my formula in 1905. ** p. 112 Fourth conversation (1954): * Wait a minute! I am not a mystic. Trying to find out the laws of nature has nothing to do with mysticism, though in the face of creation I feel very humble. It is as if a spirit is manifest infinitely superior to man's spirit. Through my pursuit in science I have known cosmic religious feelings. But I don't care to be called a mystic. ** p. 117 * About God, I cannot accept any concept based on the authority of the Church. As long as I can remember, I have resented mass indoctrination. I do not believe in the fear of life, in the fear of death, in blind faith. I cannot prove to you that there is no personal God, but if I were to speak of him, I would be a liar. '''I do not believe in the God of theology who rewards good and punishes evil. My God created laws that take care of that. His universe is not ruled by wishful thinking, but by immutable laws.''' ** p. 132 ** Variant transcription from "Death of a Genius" in ''Life Magazine'': "I cannot accept any concept of God based on the fear of life or the fear of death, or blind faith. I cannot prove to you that there is no personal God, but if I were to speak of him I would be a liar." * You must warn people not to make the intellect their God. The intellect knows methods but it seldom knows values, and they come from feeling. If one doesn't play a part in the creative whole, he is not worth being called human. He has betrayed his true purpose. ** p. 135 * Certainly there are things worth believing. I believe in the brotherhood of man and in personal originality. But if you asked me to prove what I believe, I couldn't. You can spend your whole life trying to prove what you believe; you may hunt for reasons, but it will all be in vain. Yet our beliefs are like our existence; they are facts. If you don't yet know what to believe in, then try to learn what you feel and desire. ** p. 136 ** Variant transcription from "Death of a Genius" in ''Life Magazine'': "Certainly there are things worth believing. I believe in the brotherhood of man and the uniqueness of the individual. But if you ask me to prove what I believe, I can't. You know them to be true but you could spend a whole lifetime without being able to prove them. The mind can proceed only so far upon what it knows and can prove. There comes a point where the mind takes a leap—call it intuition or what you will—and comes out upon a higher plane of knowledge, but can never prove how it got there. All great discoveries have involved such a leap." ** Unsourced variant: "The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery. There comes a leap in consciousness, call it intuition or what you will, and the solution comes to you and you do not know how or why. All great discoveries are made in this way." The earliest published version of this variant appears to be ''The Human Side of Scientists'' by Ralph Edward Oesper (1975), [http://books.google.com/books?id=-J0cAQAAIAAJ&q=%22solution+comes+to+you+and+you+do+not+know%22&dq=%22solution+comes+to+you+and+you+do+not+know%22&hl=en p. 58], but no source is provided, and the similarity to the "Life Magazine" quote above suggests it's likely a misquote. * It's not as simple as that. Knowledge is necessary, too. An intuitive child couldn't accomplish anything without some knowledge. There will come a point in everyone's life, however, where only intuition can make the leap ahead, without ever knowing precisely how. One can never know why, but one must accept intuition as a fact. ** p. 137 ** In response to statement "You once told me that progress is made only by intuition, and not by the accumulation of knowledge." ** Variant transcription from "Death of a Genius" in ''Life Magazine'': "It is not quite so simple. Knowledge is necessary too. A child with great intuition could not grow up to become something worthwhile in life without some knowledge. However there comes a point in everyone's life where only intuition can make the leap ahead, without knowing precisely how.": * Don't think about why you question, simply don't stop questioning. Don't worry about what you can't answer, and don't try to explain what you can't know. Curiosity is its own reason. Aren't you in awe when you contemplate the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure behind reality? And this is the miracle of the human mind—to use its constructions, concepts, and formulas as tools to explain what man sees, feels and touches. Try to comprehend a little more each day. Have holy curiosity. ** p. 138 ** Variant transcription from "Death of a Genius" in ''Life Magazine'': "Then do not stop to think about the reasons for what you are doing, about why you are questioning. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reasons for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day. Never lose a holy curiosity." * First you must have faith in an eternal world independent of you; then you must have faith in your ability to perceive it, and finally you must try to explain it by means of concepts or mathematical constructions. But don't always accept traditional concepts without reexamining them. Even overthrow my relativity theory, if you find a better one. . . . You must believe that the world was created as a unified whole which is comprehensible to man. Of course, it's going to take an infinitely long time to investigate this unified creation. But to me that is the highest and most sacred duty—unifying physics. Simplicity is the criterion of the universe. ** p. 139 * Be a loner. That gives you time to wonder, to search for the truth. Have holy curiosity. Make your life worth living. ** p. 142 * Try not to become a man of success, but a man of value. Look around at how people want to get more out of life than they put in. A man of value will give more than he receives. Be creative, but make sure that what you create is not a curse for mankind. ** p. 143 ** Variant transcription from "Death of a Genius" in ''Life Magazine'': "Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value. He is considered successful in our day who gets more out of life than he puts in. But a man of value will give more than he receives." ==== ''Einstein's God'' (1997) ==== : <small>''Einstein's God — Albert Einstein's Quest as a Scientist and as a Jew to Replace a Forsaken God'' (1997) by Robert N. Goldman <small> {{ISBN|1568219830}} </small> <!-- Joyce Aronson Inc.; Northvale, New Jersey --></small> * '''The bigotry of the nonbeliever is for me nearly as funny as the bigotry of the believer.'''<!-- p. vii --> [[File:Christ_with_beard.jpg|thumb|I have always believed that [[Jesus]] meant by the [[Kingdom of God]] the small group scattered [[all]] through [[time]] of [[intellectually]] and [[ethically]] valuable people.]] * A man who is convinced of the truth of his religion is indeed never tolerant. At the least, he is to feel pity for the adherent of another religion but usually it does not stop there. The faithful adherent of a religion will try first of all to convince those that believe in another religion and usually he goes on to hatred if he is not successful. However, hatred then leads to persecution when the might of the majority is behind it.<br /> In the case of a Christian clergyman, the tragic-comical is found in this: that the Christian religion demands love from the faithful, even love for the enemy. This demand, because it is indeed superhuman, he is unable to fulfill. Thus intolerance and hatred ring through the oily words of the clergyman. The love, which on the Christian side is the basis for the conciliatory attempt towards Judaism is the same as the love of a child for a cake. That means that it contains the hope that the object of the love will be eaten up... ** Letter to Rabbi Solomon Goldman of Chicago's Anshe Emet Congregation, p. 51 * If I would follow your advice and [[Jesus]] could perceive it, he, as a Jewish teacher, surely would not approve of such behavior. ** Reply to a Roman Catholic student urging him to pray to Jesus Christ, the Virgin Mary, and convert to Christianity. ** p. 88 * '''The fact that man produces a concept "I" besides the totality of his mental and emotional experiences or perceptions does not prove that there must be any specific existence behind such a concept. We are succumbing to illusions produced by our self-created language, without reaching a better understanding of anything.''' Most of so-called philosophy is due to this kind of [[fallacy]]. ** p. 89 * '''One has a feeling that one has a kind of [[home]] in this timeless community of human beings that strive for truth. ... I have always believed that Jesus meant by the [[Kingdom of God]] the small group scattered all through time of intellectually and ethically valuable people.''' ** p. 98 * To take those fools in clerical garb seriously is to show them too much honor. ** Comment on the Union of Orthodox Rabbis after they had expelled a rabbi because of his disbelief in God as a [[wikipedia:Person|personal]] entity. ==== ''Einstein and Religion'' (1999) ==== : <small>''Einstein and Religion: Physics and Theology'' (1999) by Max Jammer <small> {{ISBN|069110297X}}</small> <!--Princeton University Press --></small> * Professor Smith has kindly submitted his book to me before publication. After reading it thoroughly and with intense interest I am glad to comply with his request to give him my impression. <br /> The work is a broadly conceived attempt to portray man's fear-induced animistic and mythic ideas with all their far-flung transformations and interrelations. It relates the impact of these phantasmagorias on human destiny and the causal relationships by which they have become crystallized into organized religion. <br /> This is a biologist speaking, whose scientific training has disciplined him in a grim objectivity rarely found in the pure historian. This objectivity has not, however, hindered him from emphasizing the boundless suffering which, in its end results, this mythic thought has brought upon man. <br /> Professor Smith envisages as a redeeming force, training in objective observation of all that is available for immediate perception and in the interpretation of facts without preconceived ideas. In his view, only if every individual strives for truth can humanity attain a happier future; the atavisms in each of us that stand in the way of a friendlier destiny can only thus be rendered ineffective. <br /> His historical picture closes with the end of the nineteenth century, and with good reason. By that time it seemed that the influence of these mythic, authoritatively anchored forces which can be denoted as religious, had been reduced to a tolerable level in spite of all the persisting inertia and hypocrisy. <br /> Even then, a new branch of mythic thought had already grown strong, one not religious in nature but no less perilous to mankind — exaggerated nationalism. Half a century has shown that this new adversary is so strong that it places in question man's very survival. It is too early for the present-day historian to write about this problem, but it is to be hoped that one will survive who can undertake the task at a later date. ** Foreword of "Man and his Gods" by Homer W. Smith * '''We followers of [[Spinoza]] see our God in the wonderful order and lawfulness of all that exists and in its soul ("Beseeltheit") as it reveals itself in man and animal.''' It is a different question whether belief in a personal God should be contested. Freud endorsed this view in his latest publication. I myself would never engage in such a task. For such a belief seems to me preferable to the lack of any transcendental outlook of life, and I wonder whether one can ever successfully render to the majority of mankind a more sublime means in order to satisfy its metaphysical needs. ** From a letter to Eduard Büsching (25 October 1929) after Büsching sent Einstein a copy of his book ''Es gibt keinen Gott'' [''There Is no God'']. Einstein responded that the book only dealt with the concept of a ''personal'' God, p. 51 * Speaking of the spirit that informs modern scientific investigations, I am of the opinion that all the finer speculations in the realm of science spring from a deep religious feeling, and that without such a feeling they would not be fruitful. '''I also believe that, this kind of religiousness, which makes itself felt today in scientific investigations, is the only creative religious activity of our time.''' The art of today can hardly be looked upon at all as expressive of our religious instincts. ** Interview with J. Murphy and J. W. N. Sullivan (1930), p. 68 * Scientific research is based on the assumption that all events, including the actions of mankind, are determined by the laws of nature. Therefore, a research scientist will hardly be inclined to believe that events could be influenced by a prayer, that is, by a wish addressed to a supernatural Being. However, we have to admit that our actual knowledge of these laws is only an incomplete piece of work (unvollkommenes Stückwerk), so that ultimately the belief in the existence of fundamental all-embracing laws also rests on a sort of faith. All the same, this faith has been largely justified by the success of science. On the other hand, however, '''every one who is seriously engaged in the pursuit of science becomes convinced that the laws of nature manifest the existence of a spirit vastly superior to that of men, and one in the face of which we with our modest powers must feel humble.''' The pursuit of science leads therefore to a religious feeling of a special kind, which differs essentially from the religiosity of more naive people. ** Letter in response to sixth-grader Phyllis Wright, asking whether scientists pray, and if so, what they pray for (24 January 1936) p. 92-93 * I was barked at by numerous dogs who are earning their food guarding ignorance and superstition for the benefit of those who profit from it. Then there are the fanatical atheists whose intolerance is of the same kind as the intolerance of the religious fanatics and comes from the same source. They are like slaves who are still feeling the weight of their chains which they have thrown off after hard struggle. They are creatures who—in their grudge against the traditional "opium for the people"—cannot bear the music of the spheres. '''The Wonder of nature does not become smaller because one cannot measure it by the standards of human moral and human aims.''' ** Letter (7 August 1941) discussing responses to his essay "Science and Religion" (1941), p. 97 * I have found no better expression than "religious" for confidence in the rational nature of reality as it is accessible to human reason. Wherever this feeling is absent, science degenerates into uninspired empiricism. ... I cannot accept your opinion concerning science and ethics or the determination of aims. What we call science has the sole purpose of determining what ''is''. The determining of what ''ought to be'' is unrelated to it and cannot be accomplished methodically. '''Science can only arrange ethical propositions logically and furnish the means for the realization of ethical aims, but the determination of aims is beyond its scope.''' At least that is the way I see it. ** Letter to his friend Maurice Solovine (1 January 1951) p. 120 * The idea of a personal God is quite alien to me and seems even naive. However, I am also not a "Freethinker" in the usual sense of the word because I find that this is in the main an attitude nourished exclusively by an opposition against naive superstition. My feeling is insofar religious as I am imbued with the consciousness of the insufficiency of the human mind to understand deeply the harmony of the Universe which we try to formulate as "laws of nature." It is this consciousness and humility I miss in the Free-thinker mentality. ** Letter to Beatrice F. in response to a question about whether he was a "free thinker" (17 December 1952), p. 121 {{anchor|details}} * '''I want to know how God created this world. I'm not interested in this or that phenomenon, in the spectrum of this or that element. I want to know His thoughts, the rest are details.''' ** As quoted in "A Talk with Einstein" in ''The Listener'' 54 (1955)<!-- , p. 370-371, --> p. 123 * It seems to me that the idea of a personal God is an anthropomorphic concept which I cannot take seriously. I feel also not able to imagine some will or goal outside the human sphere. My views are near to those of Spinoza: admiration for the beauty of and belief in the logical simplicity of the order and harmony which we can grasp humbly and only imperfectly. '''I believe that we have to content ourselves with our imperfect knowledge and understanding and treat values and moral obligations as a purely human problem—the most important of all human problems.''' ** From a letter to Murray W. Gross (26 April 1947), p. 138 * The mere formulation of a problem is far more often essential than its solution, which may be merely a matter of mathematical or experimental skill. To raise new questions, new possibilities, to regard old problems from a new angle requires creative imagination and makes real advances in science ** http://umich.edu/~scps/html/01chap/html/summary.htm {{Disputed begin}} ==Disputed== * '''There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is.''' ** As quoted in ''Journal of France and Germany'' (1942–1944) by [[w:Gilbert F. White|Gilbert Fowler White]], in excerpt published in ''Living with Nature's Extremes: The Life of Gilbert Fowler White'' (2006) by Robert E. Hinshaw, p. 62. From the [http://books.google.com/books?id=_2qfZRp9SeEC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA62#v=onepage&q&f=false context] it seems that White did not specify whether he had heard Einstein himself say this or whether he was repeating a quote that had been passed along by someone else, so without a primary source the validity of this quote should be considered questionable. <br /> Some have argued that elsewhere Einstein defined a "miracle" as a type of event he did not believe was possible—''Einstein on Religion'' by Max Jammer (1999) quotes on p. 89 from a 1931 conversation Einstein had with David Reichinstein, where Reichinstein brought up philosopher Arthur Liebert's argument that the indeterminism of quantum mechanics might allow for the possibility of miracles, and Einstein replied that Liebert's argument dealt "with a domain in which lawful rationality [determinism] does not exist. A 'miracle,' however, is an exception from lawfulness; hence, there where lawfulness does not exist, also its exception, i.e., a miracle, cannot exist." ("''Dort, wo eine Gesetzmässigkeit nicht vorhanden ist, kann auch ihre Ausnahme, d.h. ein Wunder, nicht existieren.''" D. Reichenstein, ''Die Religion der Gebildeten'' (1941), p. 21). However, it is clear from the context that Einstein was stating only that miracles cannot exist in a domain (quantum mechanics) where lawful rationality does not exist. He did not claim that miracles could never exist in any domain. Indeed, Einstein clearly believed, as seen in many quotations above, that the universe was comprehensible and rational, but he also described this characteristic of the universe as a "miracle". In another example, he is quoted as claiming belief in a God, "Who reveals Himself in the lawful harmony of the world." ** Variant: '''There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.''' *** As quoted in ''From Yale to Jail: The Life Story of a Moral Dissenter'' (1993) by [[w:David Dellinger|David T. Dellinger]], p. 418 * It is high time the ideal of success should be replaced with the ideal of service. ** No known source; it appears to be a paraphrase of the last sentence of Einstein's [[#Ideal of Service|"An Ideal of Service to Our Fellow Man"]]. Earliest known attribution is in the ''Washington Afro-American'', ''AFRO Magazine Section'', September 21, 1954, [http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=I8slAAAAIBAJ&sjid=6_QFAAAAIBAJ&pg=4494,1273325 p. 2] * In December, 1947, he made the following statement: "I came to America because of the great, great freedom which I heard existed in this country. I made a mistake in selecting America as a land of freedom, a mistake I cannot repair in the balance of my life." ** Attributed in FBI Memo, February 13, 1950 (item 61-4099-25 in Einstein's FBI file—viewable online as p. 72 of "Albert Einstein Part 1 of 14" [http://vault.fbi.gov/Albert%20Einstein here], as well as p. 72 of the pdf file which can be downloaded [http://vault.fbi.gov/Albert%20Einstein/Albert%20Einstein%20Part%201%20of%2014/at_download/file here]). There is no other information in the FBI's released files as to what source attributed this statement to Einstein, and the files are full of falsehoods, including the accusation that Einstein was secretly pro-communist. * '''Common sense is actually nothing more than a deposit of prejudices laid down in the mind prior to the age of eighteen.''' ** ''The Ultimate Quotable Einstein'' by Alice Calaprice lists this as "probably not by Einstein". However, [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/04/29/common-sense/ this post from quoteinvestigator.com] traces it to a reasonably plausible source: the second part of a three-part series by Lincoln Barrett (former editor of 'Life' magazine) titled "The Universe and Dr. Einstein" in Harper's Magazine, from May 1948, in which Barrett wrote "But as Einstein has pointed out, common sense is actually nothing more than a deposit of prejudices laid down in the mind prior to the age of eighteen." Since he didn't put the statement in quotes it could be a paraphrase, and "as Einstein has pointed out" makes it unclear whether Einstein said this personally to Barrett or Barrett was recalling a quote of Einstein's he'd seen elsewhere. In any case, the interview was re-published in a book of the same title, and Einstein wrote a foreword which praised Barrett's work on the book, so it's likely he read the quote about common sense and at least had no objection to it, whether or not he recalled making the specific comment. ** Unsourced variant: Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. * Compound interest is the most powerful force in the universe. **Variants: "... is man's greatest invention" and "... is the eighth wonder of the world". **May add: "He who understands it, earns it; he who doesn't, pays it." **[http://www.snopes.com/quotes/einstein/interest.asp This Snopes article] concluded that its status was uncertain, while [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2011/10/31/compound-interest/ this post from The Quote Investigator] concludes it is most likely a false attribution, since variants of the quote date back to at least 1916, with the early variants not being attributed to Einstein. * Fairy tales and more fairy tales. [in response to a mother who wanted her son to become a scientist and asked Einstein what reading material to give him] **Found in ''Montana Libraries: Volumes 8-14'' (1954), [http://books.google.com/books?id=PpwaAAAAMAAJ&q=%22more+fairy+tales%22#search_anchor p. cxxx]. The story is given as follows: "In the current New Mexico Library Bulletin, Elizabeth Margulis tells a story of a woman who was a personal friend of the late dean of scientists, Dr. Albert Einstein. Motivated partly by her admiration for him, she held hopes that her son might become a scientist. One day she asked Dr. Einstein's advice about the kind of reading that would best prepare the child for this career. To her surprise, the scientist recommended 'Fairy tales and more fairy tales.' The mother protested that she was really serious about this and she wanted a serious answer; but Dr. Einstein persisted, adding that creative imagination is the essential element in the intellectual equipment of the true scientist, and that fairy tales are the childhood stimulus to this quality." However Margulis heard this story at least second hand "In Denver I heard a story about a woman who was friendly with the late Dr. Einstein, surely acknowledged as an outstanding "pure" scientist. She wanted her child to become a scientist too, and asked Dr. Einstein for the kind of reading the child might do in his school years to prepare him for this career. To her surprise Dr. Einstein recommended "fairy tales and more fairy tales." The mother protested this frivolity and asked for a serious answer, but Dr. Einstein persisted, adding that the creative imagination is the essential in the intellectual equipment of the true scientist , and that fairy tales are the childhood stimulus of this quality!' (page 3-4, Volume 23 of the ''New Mexico Library Bulletin'', also quoted in ''What's the Story'' Stephen Spitalny (2015) p 48 ). ** Variant: "First, give him fairy tales; second, give him fairy tales, and third, give him fairy tales!" Found in ''The Wilson Library Bulletin'', Vol. 37 from 1962, which says on [http://books.google.com/books?id=KfQOAQAAMAAJ&q=einstein#search_anchor p. 678] that this quote was reported by "Doris Gates, writer and children's librarian". ** Variant: "Fairy tales ... More fairy tales ... Even more fairy tales". Found in ''Breaking the Magic Spell: Radical Theories of Folk and Fairy Tales'' by Jack Zipes (1979), [http://books.google.com/books?id=MxZFuahqzsMC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA1#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 1]. ** Variant: "If you want your children to be brilliant, tell them fairy tales. If you want them to be very brilliant, tell them even more fairy tales." Found in ''Chocolate for a Woman's Heart & Soul'' by Kay Allenbaugh (1998), [http://books.google.com/books?id=grrpJh7-CfcC&q=brilliant#search_anchor p. 57]. This version can be found in [[w:Usenet|Usenet]] posts from before 1998, like [http://groups.google.com/group/rec.music.beatles/msg/cec9a9fdf803b72b?hl=en this one from 1995]. ** Variant: "If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be very intelligent, read them more fairy tales." Found in ''Mad, Bad and Dangerous?: The Scientist and the Cinema'' by Christopher Frayling (2005), [http://books.google.com/books?id=HjRYA3ELdG0C&lpg=PA6&dq=einstein%20%22want%20your%20children%20to%20be%20intelligent%22&pg=PA6#v=onepage&q=einstein%20%22want%20your%20children%20to%20be%20intelligent%22&f=false p. 6]. ** Variant: "If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales." Found in ''Super joy English, Volume 8'' by 佳音事業機構 (2006), [http://books.google.com/books?id=-HUBKzP8zsUC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA87#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 87] * The really valuable thing is intuition. **Although similar to many of Einstein's comments about the importance of intuition and imagination, no sources for this can be found prior to ''The Psychology of Consciousness'' by Robert Evan Ornstein (1973), [http://books.google.com/books?id=0Yh9AAAAMAAJ&q=%22really+valuable+thing+is+intuition%22#search_anchor p. 68], where there is no mention of where the quote was originally made. A number of early sources from the 1980s and 1990s attribute it to ''The Intuitive Edge'' by Philip Goldberg (1983), which also provides no original source. * Two things are infinite: the universe and the human stupidity. ** As discussed in [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/05/04/universe-einstein/#more-173 this entry from The Quote Investigator], the earliest published attribution of a similar quote to Einstein seems to have been in Gestalt therapist [[w:Fritz Perls|Frederick S. Perls]]' 1969 book ''Gestalt Theory Verbatim'', where he wrote on p. 33: "As Albert Einstein once said to me: 'Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity.' But what is much more widespread than the actual stupidity is the playing stupid, turning off your ear, not listening, not seeing." Perls also offered another variant in his 1972 book ''In and Out the Garbage Pail'', where he mentioned a meeting with Einstein and on [http://books.google.com/books?id=HuxFAAAAYAAJ&q=human+stupidity#search_anchor p. 52] quoted him saying: "Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet completely sure about the universe." However, Perls had given yet another variant of this quote in an earlier book, ''Ego, Hunger, and Aggression: a Revision of Freud's Theory and Method'' (originally published 1942, although the Quote Investigator only checked that the quote appeared in the 1947 edition), where he attributed it not to Einstein but to a "great astronomer", writing: "As modern times promote hasty eating to a large extent, it is not surprising to learn that a great astronomer said: 'Two things are infinite, as far as we know – the universe and human stupidity.' To-day we know that this statement is not quite correct. Einstein has proved that the universe is limited." So, the later attributions in 1969 and 1972 may have been a case of faulty memory, or of intentionally trying to increase the authority of the quote by attributing it to Einstein. The quote itself may be a variant of a similar quote attributed even earlier to the philosopher [[w:Ernest Renan|Ernest Renan]], found for example in ''The Public: Volume 18'' from 1915, which says on [http://books.google.com/books?id=cTPmAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA1126#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 1126]: "He quotes the saying of Renan: it isn't the stars that give him an idea of infinity; it is man's stupidity." (Other examples of similar attributions to Renan can be found on [http://www.google.com/search?q=renan+infinity+stupidity&btnG=Search+Books&tbm=bks&tbo=1 this Google Books search].) Renan was French so this is presumably intended as a translation, but different sources give different versions of the supposed original French quote, such as "''La bêtise humaine est la seule chose qui donne une idée de l'infini''" (found for example in ''Réflexions sur la vie, 1895-1898'' by Remy de Gourmont from 1903, [http://books.google.com/books?id=RtrtAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA103#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 103], along with several other early sources as seen in [http://www.google.com/search?q=%22humaine+est+la+seule+chose+qui%22+renan&btnG=Search+Books&tbm=bks&tbo=1 this search]) and "''Ce n'est pas l'immensité de la voûte étoilée qui peut donner le plus complétement l'idée de l'infini, mais bien la bêtise humaine!''" (found in ''Broad views, Volume 2'' from 1904, [http://books.google.com/books?id=9NEaAQAAMAAJ&pg=PA465#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 465]). Since these variants have not been found in Renan's own writings, they may represent false attributions as well. They may also be variants of an even older saying; for example, the 1880 book ''Des vers'' by [[Guy de Maupassant]] includes on [http://books.google.com/books?id=cQUvAAAAMAAJ&pg=PP21#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 9] a quote from a letter (dated February 19, 1880) by [[Gustave Flaubert]] where Flaubert writes "''Cependant, qui sait? La terre a des limites, mais la bêtise humaine est infinie!''" which translates to "But who knows? The earth has its boundaries, but human stupidity is infinite!" Similarly the 1887 book ''Melanges'' by [[w:Jules-Paul Tardivel|Jules-Paul Tardivel]] includes on [http://books.google.com/books?id=n9cOAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA273#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 273] a piece said to have been written in 1880 in which he writes "''Aujourd'hui je sais qu'il n'y a pas de limites à la bêtise humaine, qu'elle est infinie''" which translates to "today I know that there is no limit to human stupidity, it is infinite." **Variant: "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." Earliest version located is in ''Technocracy digest: Issues 287–314'' from 1988, [http://books.google.com/books?id=L7LnAAAAMAAJ&q=%22sure+about+the+former%22#search_anchor p. 76]. Translated to German as: "''Zwei Dinge sind unendlich: das Universum und die menschliche Dummheit. Aber beim Universum bin ich mir nicht ganz sicher.''" (Earliest version located - "Zwei Dinge sind unendlich, das Universum und die menschliche Dummheit . . . Und beim Universum bin ich mir noch keineswegs sicher" - in Hans Askenasy: ''Sind wir alle Nazis? Zum Potential der Unmenschlichkeit'', Campus Verlag Frankfurt/Main 1979, [https://books.google.de/books?id=eIowAQAAIAAJ&q=%22albert%20einstein%22 p. 153 books.google].) * Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. ** The source generally (but falsely) cited is Einstein's [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_World_as_I_See_It_(book) ''The World As I See It''] (1949). The quotation is probably a translation of "''Der Zufall ist das Pseudonym, das der liebe Gott wählt, wenn er inkognito bleiben will''" (attributed to [[Albert Schweitzer]]). * We cannot solve the problems using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them ** "Einstein's famous saying in Copenhagen", as quoted in a ''[[w:Foreign Broadcast Information Service|FBIS]]'' [https://books.google.de/books?id=DfQTAQAAMAAJ&q=%22We+cannot+solve%22 ''Daily Report'']: East Europe (4 April 1995), p. 45 ** May have originated from Einstein's 25 May 1946 telegram quoted in [https://www.nytimes.com/1946/05/25/archives/atomic-education-urged-by-einstein-scientist-in-plea-for-200000-to.html this New York Times story], where he wrote "The unleashed power of the atom has changed everything save our modes of thinking and we thus drift toward unparalleled catastrophe", along with a later comment "We need two hundred thousand dollars at once for a nation-wide campaign to let the people know that a new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move toward higher levels." The [https://archive.org/details/seventhday013915mbp/page/n13/mode/2up 1959 English translation of Hans Hellmut Kirst's ''The Seventh Day''] modified the two quotes and left out the intermediate part about funding for a nation-wide campaign: "The unleashed power of the atom has changed everything except our ways of thinking. Thus we are drifting toward a catastrophe beyond comparison. We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if mankind is to survive" (the original German version from 1957, titled ''Keinner Kommt Davon'', has the quote as "Die entfesselte Macht des Atoms hat alles verändert, nur nicht unsere Denkweisen. Auf diese Weise gleiten wir einer Katastrophe ohnegleichen entgegen. Wir brauchen eine wesentlich neue Denkungsart, wenn die Menschheit am Leben bleiben soll.") This version is quoted verbatim in later sources like [https://books.google.com/books?id=a5o3AAAAIAAJ&pg=RA6-PA23#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 23] of a statement given by Dr. Charles E. Osgood to the US Committee on Foreign relations on 25 May 1966, and a [https://books.google.com/books?id=7goAAAAAMBAJ&pg=PA82#v=onepage&q&f=false March 1979 story] on p. 82 of ''The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists''. Some also gave shortened versions which omitted the reference to "the unleashed power of the atom", as in the 1967 English translation of Josué de Castro's 1961 book ''The Black Book of Hunger'', which on [https://archive.org/details/blackbookofhunge0000cast/page/4/mode/2up p. 4] attributed to Einstein the quote "It has become essential that mankind formulate a new mode of thinking if it wishes to survive and to reach a higher level." [[Ram Dass]]' 1974 book ''The Only Dance There Is'', which consisted of transcripts of talks he had given in 1970 and 1972, on [https://books.google.com/books?id=Ske6kzQlmKcC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA38#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 38] attributed to Einstein the quote "The world that we have made as a result of the level of thinking we have done thus far creates problems that we cannot solve at the same level as the level we created them at." Ram Dass' speeches were generally given without notes so he may have just been paraphrasing one of the earlier versions of the quote, but some later sources repeated this exactly or with only a word or two different, like [https://books.google.com/books?id=Ys4DAQAAIAAJ&q=%22solve+at+the+same+level+we+created+them%22#search_anchor p. 291] of David Dellinger's 1975 book ''More Power Than We Know'', or [https://books.google.com/books?id=LxYpAQAAMAAJ&q=%22thinking%22+%22same+level%22+%22einstein%22&dq=%22thinking%22+%22same+level%22+%22einstein%22&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwig6NjbpPqGAxU3MlkFHa9PCQ8Q6AF6BAgLEAI p. 136] of the 1977 book ''The End of the Road: A Citizen’s Guide to Transportation Problem-Solving'' edited by Robert Golten et al., or [https://archive.org/details/philosophyintrod4edi00chri/page/46/mode/2up p. 47] of the 1986 edition of James L. Christian's book ''Philosophy: An Introduction to the Art of Wondering.'' Later authors gave shorter variants, like ''The 1986 Annual: Developing Human Resources'' which on [https://books.google.com/books?id=S7PmAAAAIAAJ&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22same+level%22 p. 185] attributed to Einstein the statement "Our thinking has created problems which cannot be solved by that same level of thinking", or the 1988 book ''Take This Job and Love It'' by Dennis Jaffe and Cynthia Scott which on [https://books.google.com/books?id=yjMOcRH7rVkC&q=%22The+significant+problems+we+have+cannot+be+solved+at+the+same+level+of+thinking+we+were+at+when+we+created+them%22#search_anchor p. 60] attributed the quote "the significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them" (a nearly identical version with 'we face' instead of 'we have' can be found on [https://archive.org/details/sevenhabitshigly00cove/page/n53/mode/2up p. 42] of [[Stephen Covey]]'s 1989 book ''The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People''), and the 1989 book ''Living in Love With Yourself'' by Barry Ellsworth, which on [https://books.google.com/books?id=ibQ5g8SwjLIC&q=%22same+type+of+thinking%22 p. 27] attributed the quote "the problems our world faces can never be solved by the same type of thinking that created them", and Lynne Garnett's 1990 book ''Finding the Great Creative You: A Seven Step Adventure'' which on [https://books.google.com/books?id=R39RQjsk9d0C&q=%22solve+a+problem+using+the+same+kind+of+thinking+that+got+you+into+the+problem+in+the+first+place%22 p. 168] attributed the quote "You can't solve a problem using the same kind of thinking that got you into the problem in the first place." An [https://groups.google.com/g/alt.quotations/c/XgrOB14C29M/m/YoTpJzkdcfIJ August 1993 post from alt.quotations] on [[w:Usenet|Usenet]] uses the wording "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them" (the earliest example found which includes the phrase 'using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them' as in the 1995 FBIS quote above), though the author, Peter Capek, says this is just a rough memory of the quote being asked about; this exact wording was repeated in [https://groups.google.com/search/conversations?q=%22We%20can%27t%20solve%20problems%20by%20using%20the%20same%20kind%20of%20thinking%20we%20used%20when%20we%20created%20them%22&sortBy=DATE many later posts], with one of the earliest [https://groups.google.com/g/rec.humor/c/IbO_vz6zjpc/m/eUyjXDwGVGEJ from October 1993] citing Peter Capek as the source. * If I had only one hour to save the world, I would spend fifty-five minutes defining the problem, and only five minutes finding the solution. ** Variant: If I had an hour to solve a problem I'd spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about solutions. ** There is no indication that Einstein said this. According to Quote Investigator, the earliest publication of a quote similar was in a collection of articles about manufacturing in 1966, when an employee of the Stainless Processing Company wrote a piece titled "The Manufacturing Manager's Skills." The article attributed the quote to an unnamed professor at Yale, by saying, "If I had only one hour to solve a problem, I would spend up to two-thirds of that hour in attempting to define what the problem is." (See, 1966, The Manufacturing Man and His Job by Robert E. Finley and Henry R. Ziobro, "The Manufacturing Manager's Skills" by William H. Markle (Vice President, Stainless Processing Company, Chicago, Illinois), Start Page 15, Quote Page 18, Published by American Management Association, Inc., New York. Verified on paper). https://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/05/22/solve/ * Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution. {{Disputed end}} {{Misattributed begin}} ==Misattributed== Misattributed quotations for Einstein are very common.<ref name="bt">{{Cite web |url=https://bigthink.com/high-culture/how-viral-misquotes-evolve-and-replicate/ |title=Einstein didn’t say that: How viral misquotes evolve and replicate |date=2024-10-28 |accessdate=2024-11-02 |publisher={{w|Big Think}} |last=Dickinson |first=Kevin}}</ref> *I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots. **''Variants'': ***I fear the day when the technology overlaps with our humanity. The world will only have a generation of idiots. ***I fear the day when technology overlaps our humanity. It will be then that the world will have permanent ensuing generations of idiots. **1995 film ''{{w|Powder (1995 film)|Powder}}'' includes a similar quotation attributed to Einstein: ***It's become appallingly clear that our technology has surpassed our humanity. **Although it is a popular quote on the internet, there is no substantial evidence that Einstein actually said that. It does not appear in "The Ultimate Quotable Einstein" from Princeton University Press nor in any reliable source. "[http://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/03/19/tech-surpass/ Quote Investigator]" concluded that it probably emerged as a {{w|meme (Internet)|meme}} on the internet as late as 2012. * Contempt prior to investigation is what enslaves a mind to Ignorance. ** This or similar statements are more often misattributed to [[Herbert Spencer]], but the source of the phrase "contempt prior to investigation" seems to have been [[William Paley]], ''A View of the Evidences of Christianity'' (1794): "The infidelity of the Gentile world, and that more especially of men of rank and learning in it, is resolved into a principle which, in my judgment, will account for the inefficacy of any argument, or any evidence whatever, ''viz''. contempt prior to examination." *<p>Being a lover of freedom, when the revolution came in Germany, I looked to the universities to defend it, knowing that they had always boasted of their devotion to the cause of truth; but, no, the universities immediately were silenced. Then I looked to the great editors of the newspapers whose flaming editorials in days gone by had proclaimed their love of freedom; but they, like the universities, were silenced in a few short weeks. Then I looked to individual writers who, as literary guides of Germany, had written much and often concerning the place of freedom in modern life; but they, too, were mute.</p><p>Only the church stood squarely across the path of Hitler's campaign for suppressing truth. I never had any special interest in the church before, but now I feel a great affection and admiration because the church alone has had the courage and persistence to stand for intellectual truth and moral freedom. I am forced thus to confess that what I once despised I now praise unreservedly.</p> **Attributed in "The Conflict Between Church And State In The Third Reich", by [[w:S. Parkes Cadman|S. Parkes Cadman]], ''La Crosse Tribune and Leader-Press'' (28 October 1934), viewable online on p. 9 of the issue [http://newspaperarchive.com/us/wisconsin/la-crosse/la-crosse-tribune-and-leader-press/1934/10-28/ here] (double-click the page to zoom). The quote is preceded by "In this connection it is worth quoting ''in free translation'' a statement made by Professor Einstein last year to one of my colleagues who has been prominently identified with the Protestant church in its contacts with Germany." [Emphasis added.] '''While based on something that Einstein said, Einstein himself stated that the quote was not an accurate record of his words or opinion.''' After the quote appeared in ''Time'' magazine (23 December 1940), [http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,765103,00.html p. 38], a minister in Harbor Springs, Michigan wrote to Einstein to check if the quote was real. Einstein wrote back "'''It is true that I made a statement which corresponds approximately with the text you quoted. I made this statement during the first years of the Nazi-Regime — much earlier than 1940 — and my expressions were a little more moderate.'''" (March 1943) [http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/roadshow/archive/200706A19.html] **In a later letter to Rev. Cornelius Greenway of Brooklyn, who asked if Einstein would write out the statement in his own hand, Einstein was more vehement in his repudiation of the statement (14 November 1950) [http://books.google.com/books?id=T5R7JsRRtoIC&pg=PA94]: <blockquote><p>'''The wording of the statement you have quoted is not my own.''' Shortly after Hitler came to power in Germany I had an oral conversation with a newspaper man about these matters. '''Since then my remarks have been elaborated and exaggerated nearly beyond recognition. I cannot in good conscience write down the statement you sent me as my own.'''</p><p> The matter is all the more embarrassing to me because I, like yourself, I am predominantly critical concerning the activities, and especially the political activities, through history of the official clergy. '''Thus, my former statement, even if reduced to my actual words (which I do not remember in detail) gives a wrong impression of my general attitude.'''</p></blockquote> :: In his original statement Einstein was probably referring to the actions of the [[w:Pfarrernotbund|Emergency Covenant of Pastors]] organized by [[Martin Niemöller]], and the [[w:Confessing Church|Confessing Church]] which he and other prominent churchmen such as [[Karl Barth]] and [[Dietrich Bonhoeffer]] established in opposition to Nazi policies. :: Einstein also made some scathingly negative comments about the behavior of the Church under the Nazi regime (and its behavior towards Jews throughout history) in a 1943 conversation with William Hermanns recorded in Hermanns' book ''Einstein and the Poet'' (1983). On [http://books.google.com/books?id=QXCyjj6T5ZUC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA63#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 63] Hermanns records him saying "Never in history has violence been so widespread as in Nazi Germany. The concentration camps make the actions of Genghis Khan look like child's play. But what makes me shudder is that the Church is silent. One doesn't need to be a prophet to say, 'The Catholic Church will pay for this silence.' Dr. Hermanns, you will live to see that there is moral law in the universe. . . .There are cosmic laws, Dr. Hermanns. They cannot be bribed by prayers or incense. What an insult to the principles of creation. But remember, that for God a thousand years is a day. This power maneuver of the Church, these Concordats through the centuries with worldly powers . . . the Church has to pay for it. We live now in a scientific age and in a psychological age. You are a sociologist, aren't you? You know what the ''Herdenmenschen'' (men of herd mentality) can do when they are organized and have a leader, especially if he is a spokesmen for the Church. I do not say that the unspeakable crimes of the Church for 2000 years had always the blessings of the Vatican, but it vaccinated its believers with the idea: We have the true God, and the Jews have crucified Him. The Church sowed hate instead of love, though the Ten Commandments state: Thou shalt not kill." And then on [http://books.google.com/books?id=QXCyjj6T5ZUC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA64#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 64]: "I'm not a Communist but I can well understand why they destroyed the Church in Russia. All the wrongs come home, as the proverb says. The Church will pay for its dealings with Hitler, and Germany, too." And on [http://books.google.com/books?id=QXCyjj6T5ZUC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA65#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 65]: "I don't like to implant in youth the Church's doctrine of a personal God, because that Church has behaved so inhumanely in the past 2000 years. The fear of punishment makes the people march. Consider the hate the Church manifested against the Jews and then against the Muslims, the Crusades with their crimes, the burning stakes of the Inquisition, the tacit consent of Hitler's actions while the Jews and the Poles dug their own graves and were slaughtered. And Hitler is said to have been an altar boy! The truly religious man has no fear of life and no fear of death—and certainly no blind faith; his faith must be in his conscience. . . . I am therefore against all organized religion. Too often in history, men have followed the cry of battle rather than the cry of truth." When Hermanns asked him "Isn't it only human to move along the line of least resistance?", Einstein responded "Yes. It is indeed human, as proved by Cardinal Pacelli, who was behind the Concordat with Hitler. Since when can one make a pact with Christ and Satan at the same time? And he is now the Pope! The moment I hear the word 'religion', my hair stands on end. The Church has always sold itself to those in power, and agreed to any bargain in return for immunity. It would have been fine if the spirit of religion had guided the Church; instead, the Church determined the spirit of religion. Churchmen through the ages have fought political and institutional corruption very little, so long as their own sanctity and church property were preserved." * The measure of intelligence is the ability to change ** Earliest sources found on google books date to 2013 (for example, [https://books.google.com/books?id=C3NjONZuoAMC&pg=PA123#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 123 of ''Learning PHP Design Patterns'']), earliest version found on twitter is [https://twitter.com/ciaciork/status/1150150662 this tweet from January 2009], with the variant "intelligence is the ability to change your mind" posted in [https://twitter.com/KshrGirl/status/992829501 this November 2008 tweet], and the variant "intelligence is the ability to adapt to change" attributed to [[Stephen Hawking]] in [https://twitter.com/GRAPHICHAVOC/status/964364969 this October 2008 tweet] and posted without attribution in [https://twitter.com/pauldame/status/937656408 this September 2008 tweet]. There are also earlier published sources that define intelligence as "the ability to adapt to change" without attribution, like the 1991 book [https://books.google.com/books?id=c2l4pRQZr8oC&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22ability+to+adapt+to+change%22 ''Uncommon Sense Leadership'' (p. 41)]; science fiction author [[Frank Herbert]] also used this phrase in his 1983 book ''Without Me You're Nothing: The Essential Guide to Home Computers'', where he wrote on [https://books.google.com/books?id=izcLAQAAMAAJ&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22ability+to+adapt+to+change%22 p. 209] "We define intelligence as the ability to adapt to change." The definition of "intelligence" as "the ability to adapt to change" predates this however—the earliest source found on google books is in a collection of issues of ''Proceedings of the Industrial Engineering Institute'', with a comment [https://books.google.com/books?id=ULzVAAAAMAAJ&q=%22intelligence%22+%22ability+to+adapt+to+change%22&dq=%22intelligence%22+%22ability+to+adapt+to+change%22&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjY0oOOo_WGAxVjElkFHQ_zBTgQ6AF6BAgHEAI here] that "intelligence is often defined as the ability to adapt to change." (this was from the 1956 issue available in PDF form [https://oac.cdlib.org/ark:/28722/bk0003s5f2v/?brand=oac4 here], on p. 31) Earlier sources give a similar definition with different wordings, like the [https://books.google.com/books?id=jolMAQAAMAAJ&pg=PA289#v=onepage&q&f=false April 1922 issue of the journal ''Psyche''] which on [https://books.google.com/books?id=jolMAQAAMAAJ&pg=PA306#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 306] says "the ability to adapt oneself quickly and efficiently to a new situation is what many persons agree to call intelligence". In [[w:William Stern (psychologist)|William Stern's]] 1914 book ''The Psychological Methods of Testing Intelligence'', Stern writes on [https://books.google.com/books?id=D6h9AAAAMAAJ&pg=PA3#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 3]: "my definition is this: ''Intelligence is a general capacity of an individual consciously to adjust his thinking to new requirements: it is general mental adaptability to new problems and conditions of life.''" * Buddhism has the characteristics of what would be expected in a cosmic religion for the future: It transcends a personal God, avoids dogmas and theology; it covers both the natural and the spiritual, and it is based on a religious sense aspiring from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual, as a meaningful unity. ** Variant: The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion. It should transcend a personal God and avoid dogmas and theology. Covering both the natural and the spiritual, it should be based on a religious sense arising from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual as a meaningful unity. If there is any religion that would cope with modern scientific needs, it would be Buddhism. ** These two statements are very similar, widely quoted, and seem to paraphrase some ideas in the essay "[[Albert_Einstein#Religion_and_Science_.281930.29|Religion and Science]]" (see below), but neither of the two specific quotes above been properly sourced. Notable Einstein scholars such as John Stachel and Thomas J. McFarlane (author of ''Buddha and Einstein: The Parallel Sayings'') know of this statement but have not found any source for it. Any information on any definite original sources for these is welcome. ** This quote does not actually appear in ''Albert Einstein: The Human Side'' as is sometimes claimed. ** Only two sources from before 1970 can be found on Google Books. The first is ''The Theosophist: Volume 86'' which seems to cover the years [http://books.google.com/books?id=7pLjAAAAMAAJ&q=1964#search_anchor 1964] and [http://books.google.com/books?id=7pLjAAAAMAAJ&q=1965#search_anchor 1965]. The quote appears attributed to Einstein on [http://books.google.com/books?id=7pLjAAAAMAAJ&q=%22natural+and+spiritual%22#search_anchor p. 255], with the wording given as "The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion. It should transcend a personal God and avoid dogmas and theology. Covering both the natural and the spiritual, it should be based on a religious sense arising from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual, as a meaningful unity. Buddhism answers this description." An identical quote appears on [http://books.google.com/books?id=YpsfAQAAIAAJ&q=%22dogmas+and+theology%22#search_anchor p. 284] of ''The Maha Bodhi: Volume 72'' published by the Maha Bodhi Society of India, which seems to contain issues from [http://books.google.com/books?id=YpsfAQAAIAAJ&q=%22volume+72%22#search_anchor throughout 1964]. ** A number of phrases in the quote are similar to phrases in Einstein's "Religion and Science". Comparing the version of the quote in ''The Theosophist'' to the version of "Religion and Science" published in 1930, "a cosmic religion" in the first resembles "the cosmic religious sense" in the second; "transcend a personal God" resembles "does not involve an anthropomorphic idea of God"; "covering both the natural and the spiritual" resembles "revealed in nature and in the world of thought"; "the experience of all things, natural and spiritual, as a meaningful unity" resembles "experience the totality of existence as a unity full of significance"; and "Buddhism answers this description" resembles "The cosmic element is much stronger in Buddhism". These phrases appear in the same order in both cases, and the ones from "Religion and Science" are all from a single paragraph of the essay. * Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. ** Attributed in emails in 1999, as debunked at [http://www.snopes.com/religion/einstein.asp#MX2FyfdMLHissI4T.99 "Malice of Absence" at Snopes.com] ** Variant: Evil is the absence of God. *** This statement has been attributed to others before Einstein; its first attribution to Einstein appears to have been in an email story that began circulating in 2004. See the ''[http://www.snopes.com/religion/einstein.asp Urban Legends Reference Pages]'' for more discussion. * If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor. ** Earliest attribution located is ''The Yogi and the Commissar'' by [[Arthur Koestler]] (1945), [http://books.google.com/books?id=tys4AAAAIAAJ&q=%22you+are+out+to+describe+the+truth%22#search_anchor p. v]. Koestler prefaces it with "My comfort is what Einstein said when somebody reproached him with the suggestion that his formula of gravitation was longer and more cumbersome than Newton's formula in its elegant simplicity". This is actually a variant of a quote Einstein attributed to [[Ludwig Boltzmann]]; in the Preface to his ''Relativity—The Special and General Theory'' (1916), Einstein wrote: "I adhered scrupulously to the precept of that brilliant theoretical physicist L. Boltzmann, according to whom matters of elegance ought to be left to the tailor and to the cobbler." (reprinted in the 2007 book ''A Stubbornly Persistent Illusion: The Essential Scientific Works of Albert Einstein'' edited by Stephen Hawking, [http://books.google.com/books?id=th3Cpu_QYVQC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA128#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 128]) * Two things inspire me to awe: the starry heavens and the moral universe within. ** If Einstein said this, he was almost certainly quoting philosopher [[Immanuel Kant]]'s words from the conclusion to the ''Critique of Practical Reason'' (1788), translated in Paul Guyer's ''The Cambridge Companion to Kant'' ([http://books.google.com/books?id=pYE5rVzrPNgC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA1#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 1]) as: "Two things fill the mind with ever new and increasing admiration and awe, the more often and steadily we reflect upon them: the starry heavens above me and the moral law within me." * The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education. ** This is similar to a quote attributed to [[Mark Twain]]: "I never let my schooling get in the way of my education". The earliest published source located attributing the quote to Einstein is the 1999 book ''Career Management for the Creative Person'' by Lee T. Silber, [http://books.google.com/books?id=eNjhnHmerfwC&q=%22interferes+with+my+learning%22#search_anchor p. 130], while the earliest published source located for the Mark Twain quote is the 1996 book ''Children at Risk'' by C. Niall McElwee, [http://books.google.com/books?id=p_FEAAAAYAAJ&q=%22never+let+schooling+get+in+the+way+of+my+education%22+%22mark+twain%22#search_anchor p. 45]. Both quotes appeared on the internet before that: the earliest post located that attributes the quote to Einstein is [http://groups.google.com/group/rec.travel.air/msg/b1feb7ca5019ab2e this one from 11 February 1994], while the earliest located that attributes the variant to Mark Twain is [http://groups.google.com/group/comp.sys.m68k/msg/9c2f7cdecb11eccb this one from 28 March 1988] * The search for truth is more precious than its possession. ** This quote does appear in Einstein's 1940 essay "The Fundaments of Physics" which can be found in his book ''Out of My Later Years'' (1950), but Einstein does not claim credit for it, instead calling it "[[Gotthold Ephraim Lessing|Lessing]]'s fine saying". * Time and space are modes by which we think and not conditions in which we live. ** Earliest source located that attributes this to Einstein is the 1975 book ''The Nature of Scientific Discovery: A Symposium Commemorating the 500th Anniversary of the Birth of Nicolaus Copernicus'' edited by Owen Gingerich, [http://books.google.com/books?id=Ub3gAAAAMAAJ&q=%22certainly+a+central%22#search_anchor p. 585]. But long before that, the 1944 book ''Einstein: An Intimate Study of a Great Man'' by Dimitri Marianoff and Palma Wayne contains the following quote on p. 62: "But Einstein came along and took space and time out of the realm of stationary things and put them in the realm of relativity—giving the onlooker dominion over time and space, because time and space are modes by which we think and not conditions in which we live." It appears from the quote that the authors were giving their own description of Einstein's ideas, not quoting him. * <div name="explain-simply"></div>You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. ** variant: If you can't explain something to a six-year-old, you really don't understand it yourself. ** variant: If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough. ** Frequently attributed to [[Richard Feynman]] ** Probably based on a similar quote about explaining physics to a "barmaid" by [[Ernest Rutherford]] ** Page 418 of ''Einstein: His Life and Times'' (1972) by Ronald W. Clark says that [[Louis de Broglie]] did attribute a similar statement to Einstein: **: To de Broglie, Einstein revealed an instinctive reason for his inability to accept the purely [[w:Interpretations of quantum mechanics#Ensemble interpretation, or statistical interpretation|statistical interpretation]] of wave mechanics. It was a reason which linked him with Rutherford, who used to state that "it should be possible to explain the laws of physics to a barmaid." Einstein, having a final discussion with de Broglie on the platform of the Gare du Nord in Paris, whence they had traveled from Brussels to attend the Fresnel centenary celebrations, said "that all physical theories, their mathematical expressions apart ought to lend themselves to so simple a description 'that even a child could understand them.' " ** The de Broglie quote is from his 1962 book ''New Perspectives in Physics'', [http://books.google.com/books?id=xY45AAAAMAAJ&q=%22mathematical+expression+apart%22#search_anchor p. 184]. ** Cf. this quote from [[David Hilbert]]'s talk ''Mathematical Problems'' given in 1900 before the International Congress of Mathematicians: **: "A mathematical theory is not to be considered complete until you have made it so clear that you can explain it to the first man whom you meet on the street." ** Cf. this quote from [[Kurt Vonnegut]]'s novel ''[[Cat's Cradle]]'': :: Dr. Hoenikker used to say that any scientist who couldn't explain to an eight-year-old what he was doing was a charlatan. * You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat. ** Earliest published version found on Google Books with this phrasing is in the 1993 book ''The Internet Companion: A Beginner's Guide to Global Networking'' by Tracy L. LaQuey and Jeanne C. Ryer, [http://books.google.com/books?id=sP5SAAAAMAAJ&q=meowing#search_anchor p. 25]. However, the quote seems to have been circulating on the internet earlier than this, appearing for example in [http://groups.google.com/group/comp.lang.c/msg/cc89abb5e065d23f?hl=en this post from 1987] and [http://groups.google.com/group/net.sources.games/browse_thread/thread/846af15b5a38c35/3d6d5a639c24bba3 this one from 1985]. No reference has been found that cites a source in Einstein's original writings, and the quote appears to be a variation of an old joke that dates at least as far back as 1866, as discussed in [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/02/24/telegraph-cat/#more-3387 this entry from the "Quote Investigator" blog]. A variant was told by [[Thomas Edison]], appearing in ''The Diary and Sundry Observations of Thomas Alva Edison'' (1948), [http://books.google.com/books?id=NXtEAAAAIAAJ&q=edinburgh#search_anchor p. 216]: "When I was a little boy, persistently trying to find out how the telegraph worked and why, the best explanation I ever got was from an old Scotch line repairer who said that if you had a dog like a dachshund long enough to reach from Edinburgh to London, if you pulled his tail in Edinburgh he would bark in London. I could understand that. But it was hard to get at what it was that went through the dog or over the wire." A variant of Edison's comment can be found in the 1910 book ''Edison, His Life and Inventions, Volume 1'' by Frank Lewis Dyer and Thomas Commerford Martin, [http://books.google.com/books?id=qN83AAAAMAAJ&pg=PA53#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 53]. ** The wireless telegraph is not difficult to understand. The ordinary telegraph is like a very long cat. You pull the tail in New York, and it meows in Los Angeles. The wireless is the same, only without the cat. ***Variant, earliest known published version is ''How to Think Like Einstein'' by Scott Thorpe (2000), [http://books.google.com/books?id=9yrYQxBgIYEC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA61#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 61]. Appeared on the internet before that, as in [http://web.archive.org/web/19991012152820/http://stripe.colorado.edu/%7Ejudy/einstein/advice.html this archived page from 12 October 1999] *The mind that opens to a new idea, Never comes back to its original size. **Actually said by [[Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.]] in his book ''The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table'': "Every now and then a man's mind is stretched by a new idea or sensation, and never shrinks back to its former dimensions." * ''Die Astrologie ist eine Wissenschaft für sich. Aber eine wegweisende. Ich habe viel aus ihr gelernt und vielen Nutzen aus ihr ziehen können. Die physikalischen Erkenntnisse unterstreichen die Macht der Sterne über irdisches Geschick. Die Astrologie aber unterstreicht in gewissem Sinne wiederum die physikalischen Erkenntnisse. Deshalb ist sie eine Art Lebens-elixier für die Gesellschaft!'' ** ''English:'' Astrology is a science in itself and contains an illuminating body of knowledge. It taught me many things, and I am greatly indebted to it. Geophysical evidence reveals the power of the stars and the planets in relation to the terrestrial. In turn, astrology reinforces this power to some extent. This is why astrology is like a life-giving elixir to mankind. *** German quote attributed to Einstein in ''Huters astrologischer Kalender 1960'' [A] *** Translated by Tad Mann, unidentified 1987 work *** Contradicted by Denis Hamel, ''The End of the Einstein-Astrology-Supporter Hoax'', ''Skeptical Inquirer'', Vol. 31, No. 6 (Nov-Dec 2007), pp. 39-43 *** Alice Calaprice, ''The Expanded Quotable Einstein'': "Attributed to Einstein ''[...]'' An excellent example of a quotation someone made up and attributed to Einstein in order to lend an idea credibility." * A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. So is a lot. ** A variation on a quotation of [[Alexander Pope]], attributed to Einstein in various recent sources, such as [[Marvin Minsky]]'s ''The Emotion Machine'' (2006), [http://books.google.com/books?id=OqbMnWDKIJ4C&lpg=PP1&pg=PA176#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 176], and at the start of the 2006 pilot episode of the television series [[Eureka (TV series)|Eureka]]. The oldest published source located attributing this to Einstein is the 2004 book ''Strategic Investment: Real Options and Games'' by Han T. J. Smit and Lenos Trigeorgis, [http://books.google.com/books?id=pN41ZtNoqBEC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA429#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 429], and before that it was attributed to him on the internet, the earliest example found being [http://groups.google.com/group/bit.listserv.physhare/msg/ef186aec3bf66ba6 this post from 19 May 1995]. But long before that, the same quote appears in an advertisement for Encyclopaedia Britannica that ran in ''The Atlantic Monthly: Volume 216'' from 1965, [http://books.google.com/books?id=TuMmAQAAIAAJ&q=%22so+is+a+lot%22#search_anchor p. 139]. The ad mentioned Einstein but did not directly attribute the quote to him: "Encyclopaedia Britannica says: A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. So is a lot. The more you know, the more you need to know — as Albert Einstein, for one, might have told you. Great knowledge has a way of bringing with it great responsibility. The people who put the Encyclopaedia Britannica together feel the same way. After all, if most of the world had come to count on you as the best single source of complete, accurate, up-to-date information on everything, you'd want to be pretty sure you knew what you were talking about." *Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius—and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction. ** Actually written by [[E. F. Schumacher]] in a 1973 essay titled "Small is Beautiful" which appeared in ''The Radical Humanist: volume 37'', [http://books.google.com/books?id=oA0IAQAAIAAJ&q=%22more+violent%22#search_anchor p. 22]. Earliest published source found on Google Books attributing this to Einstein is ''BMJ: The British Medical Journal'', volume 319, 23 October 1999, [http://books.google.com/books?id=bQk7AQAAIAAJ&q=%22more+violent%22#search_anchor p. 1102]. It was attributed to Einstein on the internet somewhat before that, for example in [http://groups.google.com/group/alt.weemba/msg/2bbf56ab8f4f757d?hl=en this 1997 post]. * {{anchor|IncrediblyFast}}Computers are incredibly fast, accurate and stupid; humans are incredibly slow, inaccurate and brilliant; together they are powerful beyond imagination. ** The earliest published source located on Google Books attributing this to Einstein is the 2000 book ''The Internet Handbook for Writers, Researchers, and Journalists'' by Mary McGuire, [http://books.google.com/books?id=Sb-v0K2EkNAC&q=einstein#search_anchor p. 14]. It was attributed to him on the internet before that, as in [http://groups.google.com/group/comp.graphics.apps.lightwave/msg/d13c55cc4cca4867?hl=en this post from 1997]. Variants of the quote can be found well before this however, as in the 1989 book ''Urban Surface Water Management'' by S. G. Walesh, which on [http://books.google.com/books?id=-LcZUPtDykQC&q=%22beyond+imagination%22#v=snippet&q=%22beyond%20imagination%22&f=false p. 315] contains the statement (said to have been 'stated anonymously'): "The computer is incredibly fast, accurate, and stupid. Man is unbelievably slow, inaccurate, and brilliant. The marriage of the two is a challenge and opportunity beyond imagination." Even earlier, the article [http://books.google.com/books?id=A-YpAQAAIAAJ&q=%22and+direct+digital+control%22#search_anchor "A Paper Industry Application of Systems Engineering and Direct Digital Control"] by H. D. Couture, Jr. and M. A. Keyes, which appears in the 1969 ''Advances in Instrumentation: Vol. 24, Part 4'', has a statement on [http://books.google.com/books?id=A-YpAQAAIAAJ&q=%22Computers+are+incredibly+fast%2C+accurate+and+stupid%22#search_anchor this page] which uses phrasing similar to the supposed Einstein quote in describing computers and people: "Computers are incredibly fast, accurate, and stupid. On the other hand, a well trained operator as compared with a computer is incredibly slow, inaccurate and brilliant." Variants with slightly different wording can be found earlier than 1969, as in [http://journals.lww.com/joem/Citation/1968/04000/Fast,_Accurate_and_Stupid.10.aspx this April 1968 article]. The earliest source located, and most likely the origin of this saying, is an article titled "Problems, Too, Have Problems" by John Pfeiffer, which appeared in the October 1961 issue of ''Fortune'' magazine. As quoted [http://books.google.com/books?id=TwwQAAAAIAAJ&q=%22Man+is+a+slow%2C+sloppy%2C+and+brilliant+thinker%3B+computers+are+fast%2C+accurate%2C+and+stupid%22#search_anchor here], Pfeiffer's article contained the line "Man is a slow, sloppy, and brilliant thinker; computers are fast, accurate, and stupid." * Education is that which remains, if one has forgotten everything he learned in school. ** Einstein did write this quote in "On Education" from 1936, which appeared in ''Out of My Later Years'', but it was not his own original quip, he attributed it to an unnamed "wit". ** Very popular in French: "''La culture est ce qui reste lorsque l'on a tout oublié''" (Culture is that which remains, if one has forgotten everything). Attributed in French to [[w:Édouard Herriot|Édouard Herriot]] (1872-1957) and, in English, sometimes to [[w:Ortega y Gasset|Ortega y Gasset]]. Another French variant is "la culture est ce qui reste lorsqu'on a oublié toutes les choses apprises" (Culture is that which remains if one has forgotten everything one has learned), which appears in the 1912 book ''Propos Critiques'' by [[w:Georges Duhamel|Georges Duhamel]], [http://books.google.com/books?id=Xpk_AAAAIAAJ&q=%22la+culture+est+ce+qui+reste+lorsqu%27on+a+oubli%C3%A9+toutes+les+choses+apprises%22#search_anchor p. 14]. And another English variant is "Culture is that which remains with a man when he has forgotten all he has learned" which appears in ''The Living Age: Volume 335'' from 1929, [http://books.google.com/books?id=tHFRAAAAYAAJ&q=%22Culture+is+that+which+remains+with+a+man+when+he+has+forgotten+all+he+has+learned%22#search_anchor p. 159], where it is attributed to "Edouard Herriot, French Minister of Education". Another English variant is "Education is that which remains behind when all we have learned at school is forgotten", which appears in ''The Education Outlook, vol. 60'' [http://books.google.com/books?id=dNcgAQAAMAAJ&pg=RA1-PA532#v=onepage&q=%22education%20is%20that%20which%20remains%22&f=false p. 532] (from an issue dated 2 December 1907), where it is attributed to [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]]. ** The saying is found in an 1891 article by Swedish writer [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ellen_Key Ellen Key], "Själamorden i skolorna", which was published in the journal "Verdandi", no. 2, pages 86-98 (the saying is on p. 97). The same article was republished later as a chapter in her 1900 book "Barnets Århundrade". Here is the quote in Swedish ([https://archive.org/stream/barnetsrhundrade02ellenkey#page/n167/mode/2up p. 160]): Men bildning är lyckligtvis icke blott kunskap om fakta, utan enligt en ypperlig paradox: »det, som är kvar, sedan vi glömt allt, vad vi lärt». Here it is from the 1909 English translation of the book ([https://archive.org/stream/centurychild00frangoog#page/n246/mode/2up p. 231]): "But education happily is not simply the knowledge of facts, it is, as an admirable paradox has put it, what is left over after we have forgotten all we have learnt." From the way Ellen Key puts it, she doesn't take credit for the saying, but rather refers to it as an already known "paradox" that she explicitly puts between quotation marks. * If the bee disappears from the surface of the earth, man would have no more than four years to live. No more bees, no more pollination ... no more men! ** A variant — "Professor Einstein, the learned scientist, once calculated that if all bees disappeared off the earth, four years later all humans would also have disappeared" — appears in ''The Irish Beekeeper'', v.19-20, 1965-66, p74, citing ''Abeilles et Fleurs'' (''Bees and Flowers'', the house magazine of Union Nationale de l'Apiculture Française) for June 1965. Snopes.com mentions its use in a beekeepers' protest in 1994 in Europe [http://www.snopes.com/quotes/einstein/bees.asp] suggesting invention and attribution to Einstein for political reasons. * The most important decision we can make is whether this is a friendly or hostile universe. From that one decision all others spring. ** Multiple variations of this quote can be found, but the earliest one on Google Books which uses the phrase "friendly or hostile" and attributes it to Einstein is ''The Complete Idiot's Guide to Spiritual Healing'' by Susan Gregg (2000), [http://books.google.com/books?id=XLQ8X67PozAC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA5#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 5], and this book gives no source for the quote. **A variant is found in Irving Oyle's ''The New American Medicine Show'' (1979) on p. 163, where Oyle writes: 'There is a story about Albert Einstein's view of human existence. Asked to pose the most vital question facing humanity, he replied, "Is the universe friendly?"' This variant is repeated in a number of books from the 1980s and 90s, so it probably pre-dates the "friendly or hostile" version. And the idea that the most important question we can ask is "Is the universe friendly?" dates back much earlier than the attribution to Einstein, for example in Emil Carl Wilm's 1912 book ''The Problem of Religion'' he includes the following footnote on [http://books.google.com/books?id=nWYiAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA114#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 114]: 'A friend proposed to the late [[Frederic William Henry Myers|F. W. H. Myers]] the following question: "What is the thing which above all others you would like to know? If you could ask the Sphinx one question, and only one, what would the question be?" After a moment's silence Myers replied: "I think it would be this: Is the universe friendly?"' * The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. ** Variously attributed also to [[Benjamin Franklin]] and [[Mark Twain]]. The earliest known occurrence, and probable origin, is from a 1981 text from [[Narcotics Anonymous]]: "Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results." Cf. {{section link|Rita Mae Brown|Misattributed}}. * Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once. ** It seems that this quote has only begun to be attributed to Einstein recently, the earliest published source located being the 2008 book ''Visualization for Dummies'' by Bernard Golden, [http://books.google.com/books?id=2ppZkdmpSlgC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA85#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 85]. Before that it was often attributed to the physicist [[John Archibald Wheeler|John Wheeler]], who quoted the saying in ''Complexity, Entropy, and the Physics of Information'', [http://books.google.com/books?id=mdjsOeTgatsC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA10#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 10]. In fact, this quip is much older; the earliest source located is [[w:Ray Cummings|Ray Cummings]]' 1921 short story "The Time Professor", which [https://books.google.com/books?id=sXpDAQAAMAAJ&pg=PA371#v=onepage&q=%22time%20is%20what%20keeps%20everything%20from%20happening%20at%20once%22&f=false includes the passage]: '"I ''do'' know what time is," Tubby declared. He paused. "Time," he added slowly -- "time is what keeps everything from happening at once ...".' Cummings repeated the quote in his 1922 science fiction novel ''The Girl in the Golden Atom'', available on Project Gutenberg [http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/21094 here] (according to ''Science-Fiction: The Early Years'' by Everett F. Bleiler, [http://books.google.com/books?id=KEZxhkG5eikC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA171#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 171], the novel was a composite of two earlier stories published in 1919 and 1920). [http://www.gutenberg.org/files/21094/21094-h/21094-h.htm#CHAPTER_V Chapter V] contains the following paragraph: ''The Big Business Man smiled. "Time," he said, "is what keeps everything from happening at once."'' The next-earliest source found for this quote is another book by Ray Cummings, [http://books.google.com/books?id=YdZEAAAAYAAJ&q=%22everything+from+happening+at+once%22#search_anchor ''The Man Who Mastered Time''] from 1929, and no published examples of the quote from authors other than Cummings can be found until the 1962 ''Film Facts: Volume 5'' where it appears on [http://books.google.com/books?id=sr0vAQAAIAAJ&q=%22everything+from+happening+at+once%22#search_anchor p. 48]. So, it seems likely that Ray Cummings is the real originator of this saying. * Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. ** From William Bruce Cameron's ''Informal Sociology: A Casual Introduction to Sociological Thinking'' (1963), p. 13. The comment is part of a longer paragraph and does not appear in quotations in Cameron's book, and [http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22not%20everything%20that%20can%20be%20counted%20counts%22%20cameron&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbo=u&tbs=bks:1&source=og&sa=N&tab=wp other sources] such as [http://books.google.com/books?id=KMsB1GE8dBEC&lpg=PA92&dq=%22Not%20everything%20that%20can%20be%20counted%20counts%22&pg=PA92#v=onepage&q=%22Not%20everything%20that%20can%20be%20counted%20counts%22&f=false The Student's Companion to Sociology (p. 92)] attribute the quote to Cameron. A [http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&tbo=p&tbs=bks:1&q=%22not+everything+that+can+be+counted%22+einstein+princeton&start=0&sa=N number of recent books] claim that Einstein had a sign with these words in his office in Princeton, but until a reliable historical source can be found to support this, skepticism is warranted. The earliest source on Google Books that mentions the quote in association with Einstein and Princeton is Charles A. Garfield's 1986 book ''Peak Performers: The New Heroes of American Business,'' in which he wrote on p. 156: **: Albert Einstein liked to underscore the micro/macro partnership with a remark from Sir George Pickering that he chalked on the blackboard in his office at the Institute for Advanced Studies at Princeton: "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." * If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker. ** According to ''The Quote Verifier'' (2006) by Ralph Keyes, Einstein never said any such thing. (According to p. 285 of the book's "source notes" Keyes checked ''New Statesman'' 16 April 1965, which is commonly cited as the source of this quote. Some other books claim it is from ''New Statesman'' 16 April 1955 and at least one has it as 1945, but a [http://books.google.com/advanced_book_search?num=10&q=einstein+watchmaker+%22new+statesman%22 Google Books search] with the date range restricted to 1900-1995 shows that all the earliest sources give it as 1965. This includes the earliest source located, ''The Penguin Dictionary of Modern Quotations'' from 1971, as can be verified by [http://www.google.com/search?q=%22of+his+making+the+atom+bomb+possible.+quoted+in+new+statesman%2C+16+april+1965%22&btnG=Search+Books&tbm=bks&tbo=1 this search].) Keyes notes that Einstein "did use similar words to make a very different point" when he wrote, in a 1954 letter to the editor at ''The Reporter'' magazine, "If I would be a young man again and had to decide how to make my living, I would not try to become a scientist or scholar or teacher. I would rather choose to be a plumber or a peddler in the hope to find that modest degree of independence still available under present circumstances." ** Similarly, in ''Einstein and the Poet'' by William Hermanns, [http://books.google.com/books?id=QXCyjj6T5ZUC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA86#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 86], Einstein is quoted saying the following in a 1948 interview: "If I should be born again, I will become a cobbler and do my thinking in peace." * If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts. ** The earliest published attribution of this quote to Einstein found on Google Books is the 1991 book ''The Art of Computer Systems Performance Analysis'' by Raj Jain (p. 507), but no source to Einstein's original writings is given and the quote itself is older; for example ''New Guard: Volume 5, Issue 3'' from 1961 says on [http://books.google.com/books?id=5BbZAAAAMAAJ&q=%22fit+the+theory%22#search_anchor p. 312] "Someone once said that if the facts do not fit the theory, then the facts must be changed", while ''Product engineering: Volume 29, Issues 9-12'' from 1958 gives the slight variant on p. 9 "There is an age-old adage, 'If the facts don't fit the theory, change the theory.' But too often it's easier to keep the theory and change the facts." These quotes are themselves probably variants of an even earlier saying which used the phrasing "so much the worse for the facts", many examples of which can be seen in [http://www.google.com/search?tbo=p&tbm=bks&q=facts+fit+%22so+much+the+worse+for+the+facts%22&tbs=,cdr:1,cd_max:Dec%2031_2%201950&num=10 this search]; for example, the 1851 ''American Whig Review, Volumes 13-14'' says on [http://books.google.com/books?id=910CAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA488#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 488] "However, Mr. Newhall may possibly have been of that casuist's opinion, who, when told that the facts of the matter did not bear out his hypothesis, said 'So much the worse for the facts.'" The German idealist philosopher Johann Gottlieb Fichte circa 1800 did say "If theory conflicts with the facts, so much the worse for the facts." The Hungarian Marxist Georg Lukacs in his "Tactics and Ethics" (1923) echoed the same quotation. * The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift. ** Commonly quoted on the internet, and also in recent books such as ''Planetary Survival Manual'' by Matthew Stein (2000), p. 51. ** Stein's book is the earliest published source located with that precise version of the quote, but the quote can be found in earlier [[w:Usenet|Usenet]] posts such as [http://groups.google.com/group/rec.arts.ascii/msg/d9f6ec3887950a0d?hl=en this one from 1995], and other published variants of the quote using the words "sacred gift" can be found earlier. A [http://books.google.com/advanced_book_search?q=%22sacred+gift%22+einstein Google Books search] with the date range restricted to 1900-1990 shows only a handful in the 1980s and 1970s, and several of them attribute it to ''The Metaphoric Mind'' by Bob Samples (1976), which also seems to be the earliest published variant. Samples does not provide an exact quote, but writes on p. 26: "Albert Einstein called the intuitive or metaphoric mind a sacred gift. He added that the rational mind was a faithful servant. It is paradoxical that in the context of modern life we have begun to worship the servant and defile the divine." It seems as if the last sentence about worshipping the servant is just Samples' own comment (though in later variants it became part of the supposed quote), while the earlier sentences only paraphrase something that Samples claims Einstein to have said. Einstein had many quotes about the value of intuition and imagination, but the specific word "gift" can be found in a comment remembered by János Plesch in the section [[Albert_Einstein#Attributed_from_memory_and_posthumous_publications|Attributed in posthumous publications]], "When I examine myself and my methods of thought I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge." So, Bob Samples might have been paraphrasing that comment. Likewise Einstein had a number of quotes about the intellect being secondary to intuition, but the language of the intellect "serving" can be found in a quote from the [[Albert_Einstein#Out_of_My_Later_Years_.281950.29|Out of My Later Years (1950)]] section, "And certainly we should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality. It cannot lead, it can only serve; and it is not fastidious in its choice of a leader." * Nuclear power is a hell of a way to boil water. ** Commonly quoted on the internet, this quote is actually from Karl Grossman, via his 1980 book ''Cover Up: What You are Not Supposed to Know About Nuclear Power'' (p. 155; freely available online via its [http://www.thepermanentpress.com/p-354-cover-up.aspx publisher]; see PDF page 187). * If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? ** Variant: If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind then what are we to think of an empty desk? ** Variant: If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? ** Attributed to Dr. [[Laurence J. Peter]]. Earliest source is [https://openlibrary.org/books/OL7725710M/Peter's_Quotations "Peter's Quotations," page 333.] * Information is not knowledge. The only source of knowledge is experience. ** According to Barbara Wolff, of The Hebrew University's Albert Einstein Archives, this is not one of Einstein's identifiable quotations. (Source: [http://www.paralegalpie.com/paralegalpie/2009/11/did-anybody-really-say-that.html paralegalpie.com].) ** The phrase "the only source of knowledge is experience" is found in an English-language essay from 1896: "We can only be guided by what we know, and our only source of knowledge is experience" (Arthur J. Pillsbury, [https://books.google.com/books?id=Mw9IAQAAMAAJ&pg=PA595&dq=%22only+source" "The Final Word"], ''Overland Monthly'', November 1896). The thought can be seen as a paraphrase of John Locke's argument from his ''Essay Concerning Human Understanding'': "Whence has it [the Mind] all the materials of Reason and Knowledge? To this I answer, in one Word, From ''Experience''". (Locke, [[s:An Essay Concerning Human Understanding/Book II/Chapter I|An Essay Concerning Human Understanding/Book II/Chapter I, 2]].) ** The phrase "information is not knowledge" is also found from the [https://books.google.com/books?id=W2oAAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA59&dq=%22information+is+not+knowledge%22 nineteenth century]. * Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. ** As Quote Investigator explains, allegories about animals doing impossible things have been incredibly popular in the past century. But no, this one isn't from Einstein. (Source: [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/04/06/fish-climb/].) * Everything is energy and that's all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics. ** There's no evidence that Einstein ever said this. (Source: [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/05/16/everything-energy/].) * International law exists only in textbooks on international law. ** The anthropologist Ashley Montagu said it in an interview with Einstein. (Source: [http://www.cooperativeindividualism.org/montagu-ashley_conversations-with-albert-einstein-1985.html].) * Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. ** Found [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2015/12/31/kiss anonymously in newspaper columns from the early 1920s]. [https://www.newspapers.com/clip/5219841/safety_first/ Originally presented in dialogue format]: "Dorcas—"Do you ever allow a man to kiss you when you're out motoring with him? Philippa—"Never, if a man can drive safely while kissing me he's not giving the kiss the attention it deserves." ** It does not seem to have been attributed to Einstein until the 1990s (e.g. [https://groups.google.com/forum/message/raw?msg=alt.freemasonry/YILn0A-U_WM/f1Grm2akU-4J here]). * You can recognize a really good idea by the fact that its implementation seems impossible in the first place. ** Google shows that the internet often attributes this statement to Einstein, but never with a source. The English version of the quote not occur in any book in Google Books, but a [https://dict.leo.org/forum/viewUnsolvedquery.php?idForum=1&idThread=880672&lp=ende&lang=en forum post dated February 2010] indicates this is a translation of the German phrase "Eine wirklich gute Idee erkennt man daran, dass ihre Verwirklichung von vorne herein ausgeschlossen erscheint" which was attributed to Einstein (with no source given) on [https://books.google.com/books?id=rlXK5d6PGy4C&newbks=1&lpg=PA350&dq=%22Eine%20wirklich%20gute%20Idee%20erkennt%20man%20daran%22&pg=PA350#v=onepage&q=%22Eine%20wirklich%20gute%20Idee%20erkennt%20man%20daran%22&f=false p. 350] of book ''Am Anfang war das Bit: die neue Bibel der modernen Physik'', whose [https://web.archive.org/web/20080511053220/http://www.amazon.de:80/Anfang-war-das-Bit-übersetzt/dp/3833406267 amazon.de page] gives a publication date of June 2004. No examples of the English quote can be found on [[w:Usenet|Usenet]] archives but the German version does appear in a number of posts, the earliest dated [https://groups.google.com/g/de.alt.ufo/c/QzJkWmCsQOQ/m/ZcE40phhOSsJ 14 May 1997]. * You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else. ** An abbreviated version of a quote by California politician [[w:Dianne Feinstein|Dianne Feinstein]], from an [https://books.google.com/books?id=zmxNAQAAIAAJ&dq=You+have+to+learn+the+rules+of+the+game+and+then+you+have+to+play+better+than+anyone+else&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22rules+of+the+game%22 interview with ''Cosmopolitan'' magazine in October 1985], on the topic of women running for public office. The original was: "... I really do have staying power. That's important for women who run for office. When you get in there and push for a lot of new things all at once and don't get them, you don't just leave. You have to commit, be a team player, learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play it better than anyone else." * Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others, it is the only means. ** The original: "Example is not the main thing. It is the only thing. That is, if the one giving the example is not saying to himself, 'Behold I am giving an example." That spoils it. Anyone thinking of the example he will give to others has lost his simplicity. Only as a man has simplicity can his example influence others" is a quote by Albert ''Schweitzer'', from [https://books.google.com/books?id=qTAoAAAAMAAJ&q=%22example+is+not+the+main+thing%22&dq=%22example+is+not+the+main+thing%22&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjz7f_2v6vMAhUJxmMKHeEAB-QQ6AEIHDAA a 1952 interview in ''United Nations World'' magazine]. Not attributed to Einstein [https://books.google.com/books?id=JdRZAAAAYAAJ&q=%22example+is+not+the+main+thing%22+einstein&dq=%22example+is+not+the+main+thing%22+einstein&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwif56qcwqvMAhXGMGMKHST5DRIQ6AEIHTAA until the 1990s]. * If most of us are ashamed of shabby clothes and shoddy furniture, let us be more ashamed of shabby ideas and shoddy philosophies. ** Attributed to Einstein in ''Treasury of the Christian Faith'' (1949) [https://books.google.com/books?id=Ll4wAAAAYAAJ&q=einstein p. 415 books.google], and subsequently repeated in other books. No original source where Einstein supposedly said this has been located, and it is absent from authoritative sources such as Calaprice, ''The Ultimate Quotable Einstein''. The phrase can be found on [https://books.google.com/books?id=WOcGi0bD3b4C&dq=%22let%20us%20be%20more%20ashamed%20of%20shabby%20ideas%22&pg=RA11-PA16#v=onepage&q=%22let%20us%20be%20more%20ashamed%20of%20shabby%20ideas%22&f=false p. 16] of the [https://books.google.com/books?id=WOcGi0bD3b4C&pg=RA11-PA3#v=onepage&q&f=false 1933 edition of the book series ''A Set of Holiday Sermons''], part of the sermon "Facing Tomorrow" by Rabbi Joshua Liebman which begins on [https://books.google.com/books?id=WOcGi0bD3b4C&pg=RA11-PA10#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 10]. Liebman does not attribute it to any other source, but states it without quotes as part of his own sermon. *Anti-Semitism is nothing but the antagonistic attitude produced in the non-Jew by the Jewish group. The Jewish group has thrived on oppression and on the antagonism it has forever met in the world. The root cause is their use of enemies they create in order to keep solidarity. ** Often attributed to the 26 November 1938 issue of ''Collier's Weekly'', an investigation of the quote in [https://sungenisandthejews.blogspot.com/2007/03/refusing-to-admit-obvious-sungeniss.html this blog post] included scans of that issue of Collier's, [https://web.archive.org/web/20110716163610/https://www.sungenisandthejews.com/uploads/Einstein_p1.pdf here] and [https://web.archive.org/web/20110716163424/https://www.sungenisandthejews.com/uploads/Einstein_p2.PDF here] and [https://web.archive.org/web/20110716163626/https://www.sungenisandthejews.com/uploads/Einstein_p3.PDF here] and [https://web.archive.org/web/20110716163331/https://www.sungenisandthejews.com/uploads/Einstein_p4.PDF here], showing it does contain the individual statements "anti-Semitism is nothing but the antagonistic attitude produced in the non-Jews by the Jewish group" and "the Jewish group has thrived on oppression and on the antagonism it has forever met in the world" (though the two statements are not in sequence as in the claimed quote, and they are both parts of longer sentences which as the blog post's author says are 'merely making general sociological observations and applying them to Jews as well'), while the third sentence of the claimed quote, suggesting Jews deliberately foster anti-Semitism, does not appear in the Collier's article at all. The origin of the third sentence is unclear, but the earliest attributions from known authors are from 2005: it appears on [https://books.google.com/books?id=NszmDPT7D_sC&pg=PA12#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 12] of ''The New American Newspeak Dictionary'' edited by Adrian Krieg (2005) as well as [https://archive.ph/jsOb9 this 2005 archived copy] of an article by [[w:Robert Sungenis|Robert Sungenis]] and [https://web.archive.org/web/20051001091055/https://rense.com/general67/weis.htm this 2005 archived copy] of an article by [[w:Mark Weber|Mark Weber]]. It appeared in anonymous [[w:Usenet|Usenet]] posts prior to that, the earliest located is [https://groups.google.com/g/alt.war.mercenary/c/Vc68uEYQWbQ/m/gkgPZCcGm2EJ this post from 6 June 2003]. *Two vördz: ze smart meterz **Quote from [https://www.smartenergygb.org/ a deepfaked video of Albert Einstein in a British advert for electricity meters] *Shopping wìz ze hwoman! **Imaginary quote from [https://www.smartenergygb.org/ a deepfaked photograph of Albert Einstein in a British advert for electricity meters] *Never share: 1) the secret of your success 2) don't share your problems with anyone 3) Don't share your dreams with anyone. 4) Do not share with anyone how much you earn 5) Don't share your family problems with anyone **This has been repeated on many many youtube videos (one of them has over 2.5 million views: {{Citation | title=5 Things Never Share With Anyone ( Albert Einstein ) | Inspirational Quotes | url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=238yKgbNxCk&t=51s}} ) under various titles but often with a "5 things" and "share" (never) theme. All five quotes are falsely attributed to Albert Einstein and elaborated on in the videos with short explanations. The 5 quotes don't seem to be misattributions found separately, they usually appear as a set as above or in similar variation. *Dogma is the enemy of progress (speech at Sorbonne, 1929) ** AI fabrication, quoted by Petra De Sutter, the rector of Ghent University, in 2025.<ref>[https://www.erasmusmagazine.nl/en/2026/01/14/als-de-rector-ai-onzin-mag-verkondigen-mag-iedereen-het/ If the rector can spout AI nonsense, then so can everyone else], Erasmus Magazine</ref> {{Misattributed end}} ==Quotes about Einstein== [[File:Albert Einstein Head.jpg|thumb|right|To our generation Einstein has been made to become a double [[symbol]] — a symbol of the [[mind]] travelling in the cold regions of space, and a symbol of the brave and generous outcast, [[pure]] in [[heart]] and cheerful of [[spirit]]. ~ [[John Maynard Keynes]] ]] [[File:Javad alizadeh joking-on--amazing-formula.jpg|thumb|I like [[quoting]] Einstein. Know why? Because nobody [[dares]] contradict you. ~ [[Studs Terkel]]]] :<small>Arranged alphabetically by author</small> * These days it is common knowledge that '''short waves are more powerful than long ones''', as the very short ones, known as x-rays, damage living tissues. It took half-a-century to learn this fact: '''it was one of the great discoveries of young Albert Einstein of 1905. When he announced it leading researchers found it most incredible'''... ** [[w:Joseph Agassi|Joseph Agassi]], ''Radiation Theory and the Quantum Revolution'' (1993) * ...do not be impressed by the imprint of a famous publishing house or the volumes of an author's publications. Bear in mind that [[Einstein]] needed only seventeen pages for his contribution which revolutionized physics, while there are [[w:Graphomania|graphomanics]] in asylums who use up mounds of paper every day. ** [[Stanislav Andreski]], ''The Social Sciences as Sorcery'' (1972, London: Deutsch), p 86 *Paula Gunn Allen's description of the tribal culture is helpful in understanding this concept of energy dispersal: "The closest analogy in Western thought is the Einsteinian understanding of matter as a special state or condition of energy. Yet even this concept falls short of the Native American understanding, for Einsteinian energy is essentially stupid, while energy in the Indian view is intelligence manifesting yet another way." **[[Bettina Aptheker]] ''Tapestries of Life: Women's Work, Women's Consciousness, and the Meaning of Daily Experience'' (1989) * The astonishing thing about Einstein's equations is that they appear to have come out of nothing. ** [[Ernest Barnes]], as quoted by [[Gerald James Whitrow]], ''The Structure of the Universe: An Introduction to Cosmology'' (1949) *[During 1940s], Einstein was pursuing what he called his ‘‘violon d’Ingres’’—his unified field theory... The so-called strange particles were just being discovered, and the quantum theory was proving ever more powerful. Einstein simply was not much interested. His position was that it was useless to try to understand this new physics until the electron was understood. We now believe that understanding the electron is such an intimate part of the new physics that the electron cannot be understood by itself. But [[wikipedia:Michele_Besso|Besso]] took all his old friend’s attempts extremely seriously, and Einstein gave him detailed explanations of his various formal manipulations. It was a dialogue that somehow reminds me of the plays of Samuel Beckett. **[[Jeremy Bernstein]], ''Quantum Profiles'', pp. 157-158. * '''I was particularly won over by his sweet disposition, by his general kindness, by his [[simplicity]], and by his friendliness.''' Occasionally, gaiety would gain the upper hand and he would strike a more personal note and even disclose some detail of his day-to-day life. Then again, reverting to his characteristic mood of reflection and meditation, he would launch into a profound and original discussion of a variety of scientific and other problems. I shall always remember the enchantment of all those meetings, from which I carried away an indelible impression of Einstein's great human qualities. ** [[Louis de Broglie]], ''New Perspectives in Physics'', p. 182 * It is almost impertinent to talk of the ascent of man in the presence of two men, Newton and Einstein, who stride like gods. Of the two, Newton is the Old Testament god; it is Einstein who is the New Testament figure. He was full of humanity, pity, a sense of enormous sympathy. His vision of nature herself was that of a human being in the presence of something god-like, and that is what he always said about nature. He was fond of talking about God: 'God does not play at dice', 'God is not malicious'. Finally Niels Bohr one day said to him, 'Stop telling God what to do'. But that is not quite fair. Einstein was a man who could ask immensely simple questions. And what his life showed, and his work, is that when the answers are simple too, then you hear God thinking. ** Jacob Bronowski, ''The Ascent of Man'' (1974), Ch. 7: The Majestic Clockwork * '''Like many other [[great]] [[scientists]] he does not fit the boxes in which popular polemicists like to pigeonhole him.''' ... It is clear for example that he had respect for the religious values enshrined within [[Judaic]] and [[Christian]] traditions ... but what he understood by religion was something far more subtle than what is usually meant by the word in popular discussion. ** [http://users.ox.ac.uk/~theo0038/biogbrooke.html John Brooke], as quoted in [http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2008/may/12/peopleinscience.religion "Childish superstition: Einstein's letter makes view of religion relatively clear" in ''The Guardian'' (13 May 2008)] * Some people have reported that Einstein was quite a good musician, but others weren't so enthusiastic. A professional violinist claimed he "fiddled like a lumberjack"; a famous pianist playing with him demanded, "For heaven's sake Albert, can't you count?"; and a music critic in Berlin, thinking Einstein was famous for his violin playing rather than physics, judged that "Einstein's playing is excellent, but he does not deserve world fame; there are many others just as good." ** Alice Calaprice & Trevor Lipscombe, ''Albert Einstein: A Biography'' (2005) * A niece of Einstein's, in India during the 1960s, paid a special visit to the headquarters of the [[w:Theosophical Society at Adyar|Theosophical Society at Adyar]]. She explained that she knew nothing of theosophy or the society, but had to see the place because her uncle always had a copy of [[H. P. Blavatsky|Madame Blavatsky]]'s [[Secret Doctrine]] on his desk. The individual to whom the niece spoke was [https://theosophy.wiki/en/Eunice_Layton Eunice Layton], a world-traveled theosophical lecturer who happened to be at the reception desk when she arrived. ** Sylvia Cranston ''HPB - The Extraordinary Life and Influence of Helena Blavatsky, Founder of the Modern Theosophical Movement'' (New York: Putnam, 1994), p. 557-558. * To-day, thanks to Einstein, we have definite reasons for believing that ultra-precise observation of nature has revealed our natural geometry arrived at with solids and light rays to be slightly non-Euclidean and to vary from place to place. So although the non-Euclidean geometers never suspected it (with the exception of [[Carl Friedrich Gauss|Gauss]], [[Bernhard Riemann|Riemann]] and [[William Kingdon Clifford|Clifford]]), our real world happens to be one of the dream-worlds whose possible existence their mathematical genius forsaw. ** A. D'Abro, ''[https://archive.org/details/TheEvolutionOfScientificThought The Evolution of Scientific Thought from Newton to Einstein]'' (1927) p. 37 * His considered answer to what God was doing before creating the universe was "the world was made with time and not in time." [[Augustine of Hippo|Augustine's]] God is a being who transcends time, a being located outside time altogether and responsible for creating time as well as space and matter. ...[[Plato]] said much the same thing hundreds of years earlier. ...The history of philosophy is so rich and diverse that it would be astonishing if theories emerging from science hadn't been foreshadowed in some vague way by somebody. The significant thing about Einstein's work is that he showed in a precise, testable way, using detailed mathematical theory, how space and time are ''part'' of nature, and not merely a given arena in which the great drama of nature is acted out. ** [[w:Paul Davies|Paul Davies]], ''Cosmic Jackpot: Why Our Universe is Just Right for Life'' (2007) *above all, Albert Einstein was a true believer in the scientist's duty to communicate with the public...those attending (the 1939 New York World Fair) heard not much more than the words that began his speech: "If science, like art, is to perform its mission truly and fully, its achievements must enter not only superficially but with their inner meaning into the consciousness of the people." This always has been and always will be, the dream of Cosmos. When I stumbled upon Einstein's rarely quoted words of that night during some random late-night wandering on YouTube, I found the credo for 40 years of my life's work. Einstein was urging us to tear down the walls around science that have excluded and intimidated so many of us-to translate scientific insights from the technical jargon of its priesthood into the spoken language shared by us all, so that we may take these insights to heart and be changed by a personal encounter with the wonders they reveal **[[Ann Druyan]], ''Cosmos: Possible Worlds'' (2020) * [[Richard Feynman|Dick]] fought back against my skepticism, arguing that Einstein had failed because he stopped thinking in concrete physical images and became a manipulator of equations. I had to admit that was true. The great discoveries of Einstein's earlier years were all based on direct physical intuition. Einstein's later unified theories failed because they were only sets of equations without physical meaning. Dick's sum-over-histories theory was in the spirit of the young Einstein, not of the old Einstein. It was solidly rooted in physical reality. ** [[Freeman Dyson]], ''Disturbing the Universe'' (1979), p. 62. * There is no such thing as a simple material universe. The old vision which Einstein maintained until the end of his life, of an objective world of space and time and matter independent of human thought and observation, is no longer ours. Einstein hoped to find a universe possessing... "objective reality," a universe of mountaintops which he could comprehend by means of a finite set of equations. Nature, it turns out, lives not on the mountaintops but in the valleys. ** [[Freeman Dyson]], ''[[w:Infinite in All Directions|Infinite in All Directions]]: Gifford Lectures given at Aberdeen, Scotland April-November 1985'' (1988) p. 7 (paperback, 1989). * '''Like [[David Hilbert|Hilbert]], Einstein did his great work up to the age of forty without any reductionist bias.''' His crowning achievement, the general relativistic theory of gravitation, grew out of a deep physical understanding of natural processes. '''Only at the very end of his ten-year struggle to understand gravitation did he reduce the outcome of his understanding to a finite set of field equations.''' But like Hilbert, as he grew older he concentrated his attention more and more on the formal properties of [[w:Einstein field equations|his equations]], and he lost interest in the wider universe of ideas out of which his equations arose. His last twenty years were spent in a fruitless search for a set of equations that would unify the whole of physics, without paying attention to the rapidly proliferating experimental discoveries that any unified theory would have to explain. I do not have to say more about... '''Einstein's lonely attempt to reduce physics to a finite set of marks on paper'''. His attempt '''failed as dismally as Hilbert's attempt to do the same thing in mathematics.''' ** [[Freeman Dyson]], ''The Scientist As Rebel'' (2006) * Einstein was not a mathematician, but a physicist who had mixed feelings about mathematics. ...[H]e had enormous respect for the power of mathematics to describe the workings of nature, and he had an instinct for mathematical beauty ...On the other hand, he had no interest in pure mathematics, and he had no technical skill as a mathematician. In his later years he hired younger colleagues... assistants to do mathematical calculations for him. His way of thinking was physical rather than mathematical. He was supreme among physicists as a bird who saw further than others. ** Freeman Dyson, "Birds and Frogs" (Oct. 4, 2008) [[w:American Mathematical Society|AMS]] Einstein Public Lecture in Mathematics, as published in ''Notices of the AMS'', (Feb, 2009). Also published in ''The Best Writing on Mathematics: 2010'' (2011) p. 57. * Einstein in real life was not only a great politician and a great philosopher. He was also a great observer of the human comedy, with a robust sense of humor. The third side of Einstein's personality is not emphasized by [Steven] Gimbel, but was an important cause of his immense popularity. He came as an observer to my boarding school in England in 1931, a few years before I arrived there. He was in England as the guest of Frederick Lindemann, an Oxford physicist who was also a friend and adviser to Winston Churchill.<br>Lindemann took him to the school to meet one of the boys who was a family friend. The boy was living in Second Chamber, in an ancient building where the walls are ornamented with marble memorials to boys who occupied the rooms in past centuries. Einstein and Lindemann wandered by mistake into the adjoining First Chamber, which had been converted from a living room to a bathroom. In First Chamber, the marble memorials were preserved, but underneath them on the walls were hooks where boys had hung their smelly football clothes. Einstein surveyed the scene for a while in silence, and then said: "Now I understand: the spirits of the departed pass over into the trousers of the living." ** [[Freeman Dyson]], "Einstein as a Jew and a Philosopher", ''The New York Review of Books'' (May 7, 2015) * The longitude race was reborn in a twentieth-century version, as optimistic inventors designed devices to synchronize timepieces all over the world. Aiming to protect the fortunes they envisaged reaping, they applied for patents in Switzerland, center of the clock-making trade. And many of their designs landed on the desk of a philosophical physicist who was originally more interested in thermodynamics than in time—Patent Officer Albert Einstein. ** [[w:Patricia Fara|Patricia Fara]], Science ''A Four Thousand Year History'' (2009) * I reflected with pleasure on my conversations with the late Hungarian theoretician Nandor Balazs, one of Einstein's last assistants. Balazs did not try to hide Einstein's foibles - including his impatience with pestering journalists and autograph-hunters, his selfish pursuit of what would now be called "his own space" - but he stressed that Einstein was a man of exceptional kindness and generosity. So was he a saint?, I asked Balazs. "No," he replied firmly. "He was better than that - he was human." ** [[w:Graham Farmelo|Graham Farmelo]], "[https://www.timeshighereducation.com/books/bright-life-clouded-by-dark-matter/403652.article Bright life clouded by dark matter]" (September 25, 2008) * We postulate: It shall be impossible, by any experiment whatsoever performed inside such a box, to detect a difference between an acceleration relative to the nebulae and gravity. That is, an accelerating box in some gravitational field is indistinguishable from a stationary box in some different gravitational field. How much like Einstein this sounds, how reminiscent of his postulate of special relativity! We know the principle of equivalence works for springs, (as we knew special relativity worked for electrodynamics), and we extend it by fiat to all experiments whatsoever. We are used to such procedures by now, but how originally brilliant it was in 1911—what a brilliant, marvelous man Einstein was! ** [[Richard Feynman]], 1962-63, in ''Feynman Lectures on Gravitation'' (1995), Lecture 7 * Einstein, who thought that he had a unified theory just around the corner, but didn't know anything about nuclei and was unable of course to guess it. ** [[Richard Feynman]], interview published in ''Superstrings: A Theory of Everything?'' (1988) edited by Paul C. W. Davies and Julian R. Brown * '''Einstein was a giant. His head was in the [[clouds]], but his feet were on the ground. Those of us who are not so tall have to [[choose]]!''' ** [[Richard Feynman]], as quoted in ''Collective Electrodynamics : Quantum Foundations of Electromagnetism'' (2002) by Carver A. Mead, p. xix * From 1916 Einstein and [[Willem de Sitter|de Sitter]] corresponded extensively on exactly what kind of universe best fit the relativity equations. De Sitter initially developed a model of a spherical universe, in contrast to the cylindrical one Einstein had envisioned. De Sitter also tried to map out the shape of the spherical universe in absence of all matter. '''Einstein's reaction to de Sitter's model was strong and negative'''...de Sitter's sphere described a universe that changed in size instead of remaining nicely constant. ...Einstein saw matter—and its corresponding gravitational field—as what inherently created the shape of the universe. He cited what he dubbed "[[w:Mach's principle|Mach's principle]],"...the movements of any object ...were determined by all other bodies in the universe. ...how a body moves through space is tantamount to what shape space is, '''the concept of "shape" without matter''', Einstein insisted, '''was meaningless.''' ** Karen C. Fox, Aries Keck, ''Einstein A to Z'' (2004) * Einstein joked to his dear friend Max Born that he had a version of the Midas touch: everything he said turned to newsprint. Einstein's science made him a worldwide celebrity, a status others might have enjoyed, but which Einstein despised. He was no shrinking violet, yet he detested the shallowness and meaningless absurdity that came with his universal adoration. But he realised that it could be handy. He was given a cultural megaphone and he decided that its best use was to amplify the concerns of those whose voices were least heard. ** Steven Gimbel, "[http://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/jun/12/five-reasons-we-should-celebrate-albert-einstein Five reasons we should celebrate Albert Einstein]" (12 June 2015) * Here is a man who changed the way the way we see reality, who stared down hatred and stood up for justice, yet despite all of this, the thing we immediately think of is that mane of unkempt, wild white hair. That may seem shallow of us, but I think it is a good thing. What does Einstein's hair signify? It was a political statement – he refused to conform to social standards of personal appearance. He was unapologetic in his individuality and unashamed of being different. ** Steven Gimbel, "[http://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/jun/12/five-reasons-we-should-celebrate-albert-einstein Five reasons we should celebrate Albert Einstein]" (12 June 2015) * The assignment we were given for this article was to describe the impact of Einstein's work on 20th-century physics. This formulation of our task is somewhat problematic given that a sizeable fraction of 20th-century physics is Einstein's work and most of the rest is more or less directly connected to it. Hence Einstein's impact definitely cannot be treated perturbatively. In fact, it would have been much easier to write about those developments of 20th-century physics that were not connected to the work of Einstein. But who would want to read or write that? ** Domenico Giulini and Norbert Straumann, "Einstein's impact on the physics of the twentieth century", ''Studies in History and Philosophy of Modern Physics'' 37 (2006) * I always like to remember that Einstein, in his last three decades of life, followed [[w:Unified field theory|this dream]] and seemed to be completely unaware of the exciting developments that were happening in nuclear physics during this time. ** [[w:Sheldon Lee Glashow|Sheldon Glashow]], interview published in ''Superstrings: A Theory of Everything?'' (1988) edited by Paul C. W. Davies and Julian R. Brown *my favorite of Einstein's words on religion is "Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind." I like this because both science and religion are needed to answer life's great questions. **[[Temple Grandin]], ''Thinking in Pictures: My Life with Autism'' (1995), p192 * In the [[w:Brownian motion#Einstein's theory|Brownian motion paper]], Einstein... calculations involved the relationship between [[w:Osmotic pressure|osmotic pressure]], viscosity, and the way individual particles suspended in the liquid diffuse... He realized that the kick produced by a single molecule hitting a particle as large as a pollen grain could not produce a measurable shift... But the large particle is constantly being bombarded... if you take a very small time interval, then just by chance at that instant the particle will be receiving more kicks on one side. The combined effect will shift the particle by a minute amount... Einstein discovered that it gradually moved farther from its starting point... as a [[w:Random walk|random walk]]. He showed the distance ... depends on the square root of the time... This is called "root mean square" displacement and the equation Einstein worked out for displacement involves the temperature of the liquid, its viscosity, the radius of the particle and [[w:Avogadro constant|Avogadro's number]]. ...He also realized that if the predicted displacement could be measured... the same equation... could be used to give a value of Avogadro's number. ...It was extremely difficult to make the observations... but in 1908... [[w:Jean Baptiste Perrin|Jean-Baptiste Perrin]] finally succeeded. ...Perrin's results exactly matched the predictions from Einstein's theory. ...The whole package finally established the reality of atoms and molecules, and the validity of the [[w:Kinetic theory of gases|kinetic theory]]... ** [[w:John Gribbin|John Gribbin]] and Mary Gribbin, ''Annus Mirabilis: 1905, Albert Einstein, and the Theory of Relativity'' (2005) * '''He used to say the left-hand side of [[w:Einstein field equations|his equation]] is beautiful and the right-hand side is ugly. Much of what he was doing in the latter part of his career was trying to move the right-hand side to the left... and understand matter as a geometrical structure.''' To build matter itself from geometry—that in a sense is what [[w:String theory|string theory]] does. ...especially in a theory like the [[w:Heterotic string theory|heterotic string]] which is inherently a theory of gravity in which the particles of matter as well as the other forces of nature emerge in the same way that gravity emerges from geometry. Einstein would have been pleased with this, at least with the goal, if not the realization. ** "[[w:David Gross|David Gross]]" interview, ''Superstrings: A Theory of Everything?'' (1992) ed. P.C.W. Davies, Julian Brown * Einstein was a superb epigramist, who could capture in a single sentence many deep thoughts. ** David Gross, [https://books.google.com/books?id=rEaUIxukvy4C&pg=PA1 "Einstein and the Search for Unification"], p. 1, in ''The legacy of Albert Einstein: a collection of essays in celebration of the year of physics'' (2007) * '''Einstein was confused, not the [[Quantum mechanics|quantum theory]].''' ** [[Stephen Hawking]], Lecture at the Amsterdam Symposium on Gravity, Black Holes, and String Theory (June 21, 1997) * '''The man who was best known for his legendary struggle with the most inaccessible and recondite theories... was—and to this day remains—one of the most readable and widely read scientists.''' ** {{w|Gerald Holton}}, ''The Advancement of Science, and its Burdens'' (1986) p. 29. * Einstein's greatest legacy is not [[General relativity|General Relativity]], it's not [[quantum entanglement]], and it's not slices of his brain either. It's a word: Gedankenexperiment – German for "thought experiment". ** Sabine Hossenfelder, "[http://backreaction.blogspot.kr/2014/10/einsteins-greatest-legacy-how-demons.html Einstein's greatest legacy- How demons and angels advanced science]" (October 27, 2014) * Albert Einstein’s first tour of America was an extravaganza unique in the history of science, and indeed would have been remarkable for any realm: a grand two-month processional in the spring of 1921 that evoked the sort of mass frenzy and press adulation that would thrill a touring rock star. Einstein had recently burst into global stardom when observations performed during a total eclipse dramatically confirmed his theory of relativity by showing that the sun’s gravitational field bent a light beam to the degree that he had predicted. The ''[[New York Times]]'' trumpeted that triumph with a multideck headline:<br>Lights All Askew in the Heavens / Men of Science More or Less Agog Over Results of Eclipse Observations / EINSTEIN THEORY TRIUMPHS / Stars Not Where They Seemed or Were Calculated to Be, but Nobody Need Worry<br>So when he arrived in New York in April, he was greeted by adoring throngs as the world’s first scientific celebrity, one who also happened to be a gentle icon of humanist values and a living patron saint for Jews. ** [[Walter Isaacson]], {{cite journal |date=December 2009 |title=How Einstein divided America's Jews |journal=The Atlantic |volume=304 |issue=5 |pages=70–74 |url=https://historynewsnetwork.org/article/120660}} (quote from p. 70) * If light takes the path with the least time between two points, and light beams bend under the influence of gravity, then the shortest distance between two points is a curved line. Einstein was shocked by this conclusion: If light could be observed traveling in a curved line, it would mean that ''space itself is curved''. ** [[Michio Kaku]], ''Hyperspace: A Scientific Odyssey Through Parallel Universes, Time Warps, and the 10th Dimension'' (1995) * Einstein independently discovered [[w:Bernhard Riemann|Riemann's]] original program, to give a purely geometric explanation to the concept of "force." ...To Riemann, the bending and warping of space causes the appearance of a force. Thus forces do not really exist; what is actually happening is that space itself is being bent out of shape. The problem with Riemann's approach... was that he had no idea specifically how gravity or electricity and magnetism caused the warping of space. ...Here Einstein succeeded where Riemann failed. ** [[Michio Kaku]], ''Hyperspace: A Scientific Odyssey Through Parallel Universes, Time Warps, and the 10th Dimension'' (1995) * Einstein showed that the [[w:Luminiferous aether|aether]] was unnecessary. However, he never said that the aether didn't exist. He merely said it was irrelevant. Thus, by [[w:Occam's razor|Occam's razor]], physicists don't refer to the aether any more. ** [[Michio Kaku]], ''Hyperspace: A Scientific Odyssey Through Parallel Universes, Time Warps, and the 10th Dimension'' (1995) * The boys, who cannot grow up to adult human nature, are beating the [[prophets]] of the ancient race — [[Karl Marx|Marx]], [[Sigmund Freud|Freud]], [[Albert Einstein|Einstein]] — who have been tearing at our social, personal and intellectual roots, tearing with an objectivity which to the healthy animal seems morbid, depriving everything, as it seems, of the warmth of natural feeling. What traditional retort have the schoolboys but a kick in the pants? ...<br>'''To our generation Einstein has been made to become a double [[symbol]] — a symbol of the [[mind]] travelling in the cold regions of space, and a symbol of the brave and generous outcast, [[pure]] in [[heart]] and cheerful of [[spirit]].''' Himself a schoolboy, too, but the other kind — with ruffled hair, soft hands and a violin. See him as he squats on Cromer beach doing sums, [[Charlie Chaplin]] with the brow of [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]]... <br> So it is not an accident that the [[Nazi]] lads vent a particular fury against him. He does truly stand for what they most dislike, the opposite of the blond beast — intellectualist, individualist, supernationalist, pacifist, inky, plump... '''How should they know the [[glory]] of the free-ranging intellect and soft objective sympathy to whom [[money]] and [[violence]], drink and blood and pomp, mean absolutely [[nothing]]?''' Yet Albert and the blond beast make up the [[world]] between them. If either cast the other out, [[life]] is diminished in its [[force]]. When the barbarians destroy the ancient race as [[witches]], when they refuse to scale [[heaven]] on broomsticks, they may be dooming themselves to sink back into the clods which bore them. ** [[John Maynard Keynes]], The New Statesman and Nation, 21 October 1933, published in ''Collected Writings'' volume xxviii pages 21-22 * He discovered a host of other basic results in theoretical physics and it has been pointed out more than once that if somebody asked: "Who is the greatest modern physicist after Einstein?" the answer would be: Einstein again. And why? Because, although the theory of relativity in itself would have established his fame forever, had somebody else discovered relativity, his other discoveries would still make him the second greatest physicist of his time. ** Cornelius Lanczos, ''Albert Einstein and the Cosmic World Order'' (1965) *Like many scientists Einstein was politically rather naïve. He hated violence and war and could not understand why his own natural sweet reasonableness was not universal. Absolutely truthful himself, he tended to be credulous in political questions and was easily and often imposed on by unscrupulous individuals and groups. Indeed, his innate kindness of heart and loyalty to his race were often exploited especially in his later years when his signature to documents, no matter on what topic, was held up to give it special importance.<br>As a theoretical physicist Einstein stands alone in this century and perhaps in any century. His brilliant originality, his fecund adventurous imagination, his uncompromising logic, and his clear exposition have probably never been equalled. As a man his simplicity and kindliness, his unpretentious interest in others and his sense of humour charmed all who knew him. A very great man has vanished. **[[Frederick Lindemann, 1st Viscount Cherwell|Frederick Lindemann]], obituary article in ''The Daily Telegraph'', quoted in Lord Birkenhead, ''The Prof in Two Worlds: The Official Life of Professor F. A. Lindemann, Viscount Cherwell'' (1961), pp. 161-162 * The '''mathematical genius can only carry on from the point''' which mathematical knowledge within '''his culture has''' already '''reached'''. Thus if Einstein had been born into a primitive tribe which was unable to count beyond three, life-long application to mathematics probably would not have carried him beyond the development of a decimal system based on fingers and toes. ** [[w:Ralph Linton|Ralph Linton]], ''The Study of Man'' (1936) * Einstein's supreme greatness was in transforming physical thinking from that of the culmination of classical physics about 1900 to that of quantum mechanics starting about 1925. ...'''far more than anyone else, he caused physicists to think in terms of probabilities. He began to do this in his early work in thermodynamics, and he brought such thinking to its first great fruition in 1905 in his work on [[w:Brownian motion|Brownian movement]] and in his first work on radiation, in which he introduced the concept of light quanta or photons.''' Its second, even greater fruition was in his famous paper on the quantum theory of radiation in 1917.<br />That paper illustrated methods that have been in use almost without change ever since, even though the majority of the users have no knowledge that it was Einstein who propounded them. It was in this paper that '''Einstein postulated the various transition possibilities between two states of a quantized system. ...quantum theory has existed ever since precisely for the purpose of evaluating these probabilities.''' In this paper of 1917 Einstein postulated in particular the process known as [[w:Stimulated emission|stimulated emission]], and inferred the properties of this process. This is the process employed in the... light [[w:Maser|maser]] or [[w:Laser|laser]]. ** [[w:William McCrea (astronomer)|W. H. McCrea]], as quoted by [[w:Gerald James Whitrow|G. J. Whitrow]], ''Einstein, the Man and His Achievement'' (1973) * There once was a doctor with cool white hair. He was well known because he came up with some important ideas. He didn't grow the cool hair until after he was done figuring that stuff out, but by the time everyone realized how good his ideas were, he had grown the hair, so that's how everyone pictures him. He was so good at coming up with ideas that we use his name to mean "someone who's good at thinking."<br>Two of his biggest ideas were about how space and time work. This thing you're reading right now explains those ideas using only the ten hundred words people use the most often. The doctor figured out the first idea while he was working in an office, and he figured out the second one ten years later, while he was working at a school. That second idea was a hundred years ago this year. (He also had a few other ideas that were just as important. People have spent a lot of time trying to figure out how he was so good at thinking.) ** Randall Munroe, "[http://www.newyorker.com/tech/elements/the-space-doctors-big-idea-einstein-general-relativity?mbid=rss The Space Doctor's Big Idea]" (Nov 18, 2015) *[[Einstein]] is also, and I think rightly, known as a man of very great goodwill and [[humanity]]. Indeed if I had to think of a single word for his attitude towards human problems, I would pick the Sanskrit word [[Ahimsa]], not to hurt, harmlessness. **[[Robert Oppenheimer]] in: ''[http://www.nybooks.com/articles/archives/1966/mar/17/on-albert-einstein/On Albert Einstein],'' The New York Review of Books. * '''Under [[w:Marcel Grossmann|Grossman's]] guidance, Einstein studied and learned [[w:Tensor|tensor]] analysis. The two men actually published several papers together''', but the work at this stage was still a kind of groping in the dark—a mind-tormenting search for the one equation out of hundreds that was the correct one. ...Interestingly, '''the correct equation was actually considered briefly, but rejected''' by Einstein because he came to the mistaken conclusion that it violated [[w:Causality|causality]]. Then a further mistake led to the abandonment of the [[w:Principle of covariance|principle of covariance]]. ** Barry Parker, ''Einstein's Dream: The Search for a Unified Theory of the Universe'' (1986) * Pondering about the problem, Einstein thought about the beam of light curving around the limb of the sun; he soon realized that it was not the beam that was bent, but rather the space through which it traveled. Matter must somehow curve space and other matter must move through this curved space in the way we see it move—yet this way must be "natural." He decided the most natural way would be along a path that represented the shortest distance between two given points in space (this is called the [[w:Geodesic|geodesic]] in mathematics). This would mean that '''the sun curves the space around it and the planets move in this space along geodesics. These geodesics appear to us to be elliptical orbits, but in curved space they are actually straight lines.''' ** Barry Parker, ''Einstein's Dream: The Search for a Unified Theory of the Universe'' (1986) * From a simple point of view, then, '''Einstein's equation can be written: [[w:Tensor|tensor]] A = tensor B''', where tensor A describes the curvature of space and tensor B describes the matter that causes the curvature. In practice, B can also contain terms describing an electromagnetic field since electromagnetic fields represent energy, and energy is just another form of mass. Einstein's dissatisfaction centered on tensor B. ** Barry Parker, ''Einstein's Dream: The Search for a Unified Theory of the Universe'' (1986) referring to the [[w:Einstein field equations|Einstein field equations]] of general relativity. * Summing up, we may say that there is hardly one among the great problems, in which modern physics is so rich, to which Einstein has not made an important contribution. '''That he may sometimes have missed the target in his speculations, as, for example, in his [[w:Photoelectric effect|hypothesis of light quanta]], cannot really be held too much against him''', for it is not possible to introduce fundamentally new ideas, even in the most exact sciences, without occasionally taking risk. ** [[Max Planck]] (with [[w:Walther Nernst,|Walther Nernst,]] [[w:Heinrich Rubens|Heinrich Rubens]] and [[w:Emil Warburg|Emil Warburg]]), (1913) letter of recommendation for membership in the [[w:Prussian Academy of Sciences|Prussian Academy of Sciences]] (1913) ''Collected Papers of Albert Einstein'' (CPAE) Vol. 5, Doc. 445 (1993) * I cannot really endorse [[Planck]]'s philosophy, even if it is [[logically]] valid and even though I respect the [[human]] [[attitudes]] to which it gives rise. <br /> '''[[Einstein]]'s conception is closer to mine. His [[God]] is somehow involved in the immutable [[laws]] of [[nature]]. '''Einstein has a feeling for the central order of things. He can detect it in the [[simplicity]] of natural laws. We may take it that he felt this simplicity very strongly and directly during his discovery of the theory of relativity. Admittedly, this is a far cry from the contents of religion. I don't believe Einstein is tied to any religious tradition, and '''I rather think the idea of a personal God is entirely foreign to him. But as far as he is concerned there is no split between science and religion: the central order is part of the subjective as well as the objective realm, and this strikes me as being a far better starting point.''' **[[Wolfgang Pauli]], in statements after the [[w:Solvay Conference| Solvay Conference]] of 1927, as quoted in [http://www.edge.org/conversation/science-and-religion ''Physics and Beyond'' (1971)] by [[Werner Heisenberg]] * '''Einstein did not consider the concept of 'determinism' to be as fundamental as it is frequently held to be''' (as he told me emphatically several times), and he denied energetically that he had ever put up a postulate such as (your letter, para. 3): 'the sequence of such conditions must also be objective and real, that is, automatic, machine-like, deterministic'. In the same way '''he ''disputes'' that he uses as criterion for the inadmissibility of a theory the question: 'Is it rigorously deterministic?'<BR />Einstein's point of departure is 'realistic' rather than 'deterministic,' which means that his philosophical prejudice is a different one'''... **[[Wolfgang Pauli]], Letter to Max Born (March 31, 1954) as quoted by P.W. Milonni, ''Fast Light, Slow Light and Left-Handed Light'' (2004) * '''I tried to persuade him to give up his determinism, which amounted to the view that the world was a four-dimensional Parmenidean block [[universe]] in which change was a human illusion, or very nearly so. (He agreed that this had been his view, and while discussing it I called him "[[Parmenides]]".)''' I argued that if men, or other organisms, could experience change and genuine succession in time, then this was real. It could not be explained away by a theory of the successive rising into our consciousness of time slices which in some sense coexist; for this kind of "rising into consciousness" would have precisely the same character as that succession of changes which the theory tries to explain away. ... I tried to present to Einstein-Parmenides as strongly as I could my conviction that a clear stand must be made against any idealistic view of time. And I also tried to show that, though the idealistic view was compatible with both determinism and indeterminism, a clear stand should be made in favor of an "open" universe — one in which the future was in no sense contained in the past or the present, even though they do impose severe restrictions on it. I argued that we should not be swayed by our theories to give up realism (for which the strongest arguments were based on common sense), though I think that he was ready to admit, as I was, that we might be forced one day to give it up if very powerful arguments (of [[Gödel]]'s type, say) were to be brought against it. I therefore argued that with regard to time, and also to indeterminism (that is, the incompleteness of physics), the situation was precisely similar to the situation with regard to realism. Appealing to his own way of expressing things in theological terms, I said: if [[God]] had wanted to put everything into the world from the beginning, He would have created a universe without change, without organisms and evolution, and without man and man's experience of change. '''But He seems to have thought that a live universe with events unexpected even by Himself would be more interesting than a dead one.''' ** [[Karl Popper]], in [http://books.google.com/books?id=CxND59gFftMC&pg=PA148 ''Unended Quest: An Intellectual Autobiography'', p. 148] * Einstein had a rare ability to recognize the core principles that account for the world we observe. His perceptions were never diverted by the many fascinating distractions that enshroud Nature's underlying reality. Common sense, often a source of comfort, can distract. Experimental data, always the ultimate authority, can distract. Einstein saw beyond common sense and, while he respected experimental data, he was not its slave. He saw Nature as it is. ** John S. Rigden, ''Einstein 1905 : The Standard of Greatness'' (2005), Prologue: The Standard of Greatness: Why Einstein? * He belonged to more causes than I did. I must have received a letter from him every other day asking for money. I always responded. ** [[Edward G. Robinson]], as quoted in Leonard Spigelgass's epilogue to Robinson's ''All My Yesterdays: An Autobiography'' (1973), p.&nbsp;279 *'''Since I couldn't give him a definition of light that he was happy with, [[Albert Einstein|Einstein]] told me that light is the shadow of God, because everything that is matter casts a dark shadow, whereas when God materialises, He becomes Light, as He is  Spirit.''' :*[[Gustavo Rol]], quoted in Vera Schiavazzi, ''[https://ricerca.repubblica.it/repubblica/archivio/repubblica/1994/09/24/le-memorie-di-un-veggente.html Le memorie di un veggente]'', ''la Repubblica'', 24 September 1994. * In the last twenty years of his life, Einstein's continued challenging of [[quantum theory]] was often dismissed as his being out of touch with modern physics. He was indeed wrong in denying the reality of the "spooky action" he discovered to lurk in quantum theory. Its existence, now called "entanglement," has been demonstrated. Nevertheless, Einstein is today recognized as the theory's most prescient critic. His constant claim that the theory's weirdness must not be brushed aside is borne out by today's proliferation of wild interpretations of quantum theory. ** Bruce Rosenblum and Fred Kuttner, ''Quantum enigma : physics encounters consciousness'' (2nd ed., 2011), Ch. 1 : Einstein Called It "Spooky" And I Wish I Had Known * Einstein asked himself a question... how can the sun and the Earth "attract" each other without touching..? ...[H]e imagined that the sun and the Earth each modified the space and time that surrounded them, just as a body in water displaces the water... This modification of the structure of time influences in turn the movement of the bodies, causing them to "fall" toward one another. ...The Earth is a large mass and slows down time in its vicinity. ...If things fall, it is due to this slowing of time. ...Where time passes uniformly, in interplanetary space, things do not fall. ...[H]ere on ...our planet, the movement of things inclines naturally toward where time passes more slowly, as when we run ...into the sea and the resistance of the water on our legs makes us fall headfirst... [T]ime passes more slowly for your feet than it does for your head. ** [[Carlo Rovelli]], ''[[w:The Order of Time (book)|The Order of Time]]'' (2018) p. 11. *[[Einstein]], [[Picasso]], [[Joyce]], gave us our keys; the nature of motion reached us from [[Proust]] as from the second-run movie; the [[Hippodrome]] girls went down into the eternal lake, [[Lindbergh]] had conquered time, Roosevelt had at last spoken openly to us of the demon of our house, and he had named it: fear. **[[Muriel Rukeyser]] ''The Life of Poetry'' (1949) * '''Men like Einstein proclaim obvious truths about [[war]] but are not listened to. So long as Einstein is unintelligible, he is thought wise, but as soon as he says anything that people can understand, it is thought that his wisdom has departed from him.''' ** [[Bertrand Russell]], ''Do Governments Desire War?'' (1932), a newspaper article for the "New York American" (as quoted in ''Mortals and Others'', v.1, 1975) * Oh, he was a lovely man, Einstein. Oh, lovely man. He had the most perfect simplicity and perfect modesty, and all his feelings were humane. ** [[Bertrand Russell]], in an [http://www.russellsocietylibrary.com/SUSSKIND.PDF interview] with [[w:David Susskind|David Susskind]] (10 June 1962) * I had a long conversation with Einstein a week before he died, which is something that may be of interest historically. ...<br>the only one I had with him took place at the end of my year at the Princeton Institute, April 1955 … It was literally a week before he died, and I was with him for over an hour and a half … I started out a bit nervous of course. I'd read that he had a hearty laugh and a simple sense of humor, so I thought I'd start out in the following way. Originally, of course, the very phrase {{w|Mach's Principle}} was Einstein's own phrase for that idea. And he'd used the principle as the guiding light for constructing general relativity. But he later came to feel that the principle wasn't so important, and in the autobiographical notes which he wrote for that {{w|Library of Living Philosophers|Schilpp volume}} … he had said that he came to disown Mach's Principle.<br>So knowing that, I went to see him and I said, "Professor Einstein, I've come to talk about Mach's PrincipIe and I've come to defend your former self … against your later self." And it worked: he said, "Ho, ho, ho, that is gut, Ja!" Like that, really laughed. So that put me a bit at my ease. So then I talked about my way of doing Mach's Principle and he talked about his work and his doubts about quantum theory and so on. It was a wonderful experience. ** [[Dennis Sciama]], {{cite web|title=Interview of Dennis Sciama by Spencer Weart on 1978 April 14, Niels Bohr Library & Archives, American Institute of Physics, College Park, MD USA|url=https://www.aip.org/history-programs/niels-bohr-library/oral-histories/4871}} * Einstein knew everything. ** [[William Shatner]], {{cite web|title=William Shatner And Lawrence Krauss Go To School|date=April 28, 2023 |website=YouTube|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTKQ8JlXkcA&t=3002}} (quote at 50:02 of 1:34:32 in video; The Origins Podcast with [[Lawrence Krauss]]) * It did not last: the [[Devil]] howling 'Ho!<br>Let Einstein be!' restored the status quo. **[[J. C. Squire]], in "In continuation of Pope on Newton" (1926); Squire is here extending upon the famous statement of [[Alexander Pope]]: ::: '''[[Nature]] and Nature's laws lay hid in night: <br> [[God]] said, Let [[Isaac Newton|Newton]] be! — and [[all]] was [[light]].''' :::* As quoted in ''The Epigrammatists : A Selection from the Epigrammatic Literature of Ancient, Mediæval, and Modern Times'' (1875) by Henry Philip Dodd, p. 329 * [[Napoleon]], and other great men of his type, they were makers of empire. '''But there is an order of men that get beyond that: They are not makers of empire, but they are makers of [[universe]]. And when they have made those universes, their hands are unstained by the blood of any human being on earth.''' ... [[Ptolemy]] made a universe, which lasted 1400 years. [[Newton]] also made a universe, which has lasted 300 years. Einstein has made a universe, and I can't tell you how long that will last. ** [[George Bernard Shaw]], in a speech in honour of Einstein at the Savoy Hotel in London (28 October 1930) * This man is not challenging the fact of science; he is challenging the action [or axioms] of science. Not only is he challenging the action of science, but the action of science has surrendered to his challenge. ** [[George Bernard Shaw]], dinner speech, Savoy Hotel, London (Oct28, 1930) as quoted by [[w:Michael Holroyd|Michael Holroyd]], "Albert Einstein, Universe Maker," ''The New York Times'' (Mar14, 1991); Ref "axioms," see Julio A. Gonzalo, ''The Intelligible Universe'' (2008) * It is true that many mathematicians and physicists do their best work when young. But in Einstein's later work we see something much more extreme than the usual falling off. It is as if Thelonious Monk or John Coltrane turned into an obscure twelve-tone composer. How did the greatest physicist since Newton turn into a failed player of mathematical games? All the biographers ask this question; none gives an answer that seems remotely plausible to me as a working scientist. ** [[Lee Smolin]], "[http://www.nybooks.com/articles/archives/2007/jun/14/the-other-einstein/ The Other Einstein]", ''The New York Review of Books'' (June 14, 2007) * In politics, it seems that Einstein was called naive for thoughts that we now understand to have been ahead of his time. Could the same have been true of his later science?<br>For science, the question to be answered is the paradox of Einstein's failed last years. I would suggest that the resolution of the paradox is that Einstein's dissent from quantum mechanics and immersion in the search for a unified field theory were not failures but anticipations. After all, even if many string theorists would disagree with Einstein about the incompleteness of quantum mechanics, much of what goes on in string theory these days looks a lot like what Einstein was doing in his Princeton years, which was trying to find new mathematics that might extend general relativity to a unification of all the forces and particles in nature. ** [[Lee Smolin]], "[http://www.nybooks.com/articles/archives/2007/jun/14/the-other-einstein/ The Other Einstein]", ''The New York Review of Books'' (June 14, 2007) * When we finally got our hands on the paper, we quickly realized that Einstein had put his finger on the essence of the problem and had delineated when it has a solution, before the invention of the modern quantum theory. Moreover, Einstein wrote with great lucidity about the subject, so that it seemed as if he were speaking directly to us, a century later. There was nothing dated or quaint about the analysis. For the first time in a long while, I found myself thinking, “Wow, this man really was a genius.” ** A. Douglas Stone, ''Einstein and the Quantum'' (2013), Introduction: A Hundred Times More Than Relativity Theory * It was Einstein who had introduced almost all the revolutionary ideas underlying [[quantum theory]], and who saw first what these ideas meant. His ultimate rejection of quantum theory was akin to Dr. Frankenstein’s shunning of the monster he had originally created for the betterment of mankind. Had Einstein not done so, in all likelihood he would be seen as the father of the modern theory. ** A. Douglas Stone, ''Einstein and the Quantum'' (2013), Introduction: A Hundred Times More Than Relativity Theory * '''The one man who was, during the last years, certainly by far Einstein's best [[friend]], and in some ways strangely resembled him most, was [[Kurt Gödel]], The great logician.''' They were very different in almost every personal way — Einstein gregarious, [[happy]], full of [[laughter]] and [[common sense]], and Gödel extremely [[solemn]], very serious, quite [[solitary]], and distrustful of common sense as a means of arriving at the [[truth]]. '''But they shared a fundamental [[quality]]: both went directly and wholeheartedly to the questions at the very center of things.''' ** [[w:Ernst G. Strauss|Ernst G. Strauss]], in reminiscences of 1982, as quoted in "Gödel's Life and Work", by [[w:Solomon Feferman|Solomon Feferman]], in ''Kurt Gödel: Collected Works, Volume I : Publications 1929-1936'' (1986), p. 2 * '''I like quoting Einstein. Know why? Because nobody [[dares]] contradict you.''' ** [[Studs Terkel]], as quoted in [http://www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4365429,00.html "Voice of America" in ''The Guardian'' (1 March 2002)] *Albert Einstein, who was admired as almost superhuman and whose fate it was to become one of the most famous people on the planet, never identified with the image the collective mind had created of him. He remained humble, egoless. In fact, he spoke of "a grotesque contradiction between what people consider to be my achievements and abilities and the reality of who I am and what I am capable of." **[[Eckhart Tolle]], in ''A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose'' (2005) *This illusory sense of self (the [[ego]]) is what Albert Einstein, who had deep insights not only in to the reality of space and time but also into human nature, referred to as "an optical illusion of consciousness." **[[Eckhart Tolle]], in ''A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose'' (2005) *What I mean when I suggest a correspondence between good science and good poetic overtones is perhaps illustrated by a sentence from The Development of Modern Physics, by Einstein and Infeld. Expounding the rudiments of relativity, these authors write: "A straight line is the simplest and most trivial example of a curve." The statement is a simple scientific one yet in the perfection of its simplicity and scientific accuracy it becomes, as well, a very beautiful poetic statement. **[[Diana Trilling]] Reviewing the Forties (1974) * You're a very clever boy, Einstein, an extremely clever boy, but you have one great fault: you'll never let yourself be told anything. ** Heinrich Friedrich Weber, quoted in Seelig, ''Albert Einstein'' * Einstein explained his theory to me every day, and on my arrival I was fully convinced that he [[understood]] it. ** Attributed to [[w:Chaim Weizmann|Chaim Weizmann]], after a long trans-Atlantic journey; ''Simpson's Contemporary Quotations'' (6822) credits [[w:Nigel Calder|Nigel Calder]], ''Einstein's Universe'' (1979); a slightly different version appears in [[w:David Bodanis|David Bodanis]], ''E=mc&sup2;'', which credits Carl Seelig, ''Albert Einstein: A Documentary Biography'' (1956), pp. 80–81 * Einstein's theory of relativity has advanced our ideas of the structure of the cosmos a step further. '''It is as if a wall which separated us from Truth has collapsed.''' Wider expanses and greater depths are now exposed to the searching eye of knowledge, regions of which we had not even a presentiment. It has brought us much nearer to grasping the plan that underlies all physical happening. ** [[Hermann Weyl]], ''Space—Time—Matter'' (1922) Preface to 1st Edition (1918) * After [[Bernhard Riemann|Riemann]] had made known his discoveries, mathematicians busied themselves with working out his system of geometrical ideas formally; chief among these were [[w:Elwin Bruno Christoffel|Christoffel]], [[w:Gregorio Ricci-Curbastro|Ricci]], and [[w:Tullio Levi-Civita|Levi-Civita]]. '''Riemann... clearly left the real development of his ideas in the hands of some subsequent scientist whose genius as a physicist could rise to equal flights with his own as a mathematician.''' After a lapse of seventy years this mission has been fulfilled by Einstein. ** [[Hermann Weyl]], ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=KCgZAQAAIAAJ Space—Time—Matter]'' (1922) p. 102 * His [[work]] revolved around three rules which apply to all [[science]], our [[problems]], and times: *:1. Out of clutter, find [[simplicity]]; *:2. From [[discord]] make [[harmony]]; and finally *:3. In the middle of difficulty lies [[opportunity]]. ** [[John Archibald Wheeler]], interviewed in [http://www.bigear.org/vol1no4/wheeler.htm ''Cosmic Search'', Vol. 1, No. 4] ([http://books.google.com/books?id=4IMgAQAAIAAJ&q=%22out+of+clutter%22#search_anchor Fall 1979]). The three principles are sometimes attributed to Einstein himself, but no source can be found showing that Einstein stated them, and Wheeler didn't indicate in the interview whether he was quoting something Einstein had told him or giving his own description of how Einstein worked. * In considering the structure of the universe... Einstein assumed... the irregularities in the distribution of matter can be neglected [i.e., the universe is homogeneous]. ...he noted that the largest velocities then assigned to the stars and nebulae were very small compared with the velocity of light. In 1917... the immense red-shifts of the farther nebulae were unknown. Einstein, therefore, considered a model of the universe in which matter was distributed in a uniform and continuous manner, the relative motion of the various parts being negligible [i.e., a static universe]. Following [[w:Hugo von Seeliger|Seeliger]], he found it impossible to regard the system as filling the whole of [infinite] Euclidean space. Also he could not regard the universe as an island in infinite space. For, in applying a well-known theorem of [[Ludwig Boltzmann|Boltzmann]] relating the densities at various points of space in which a distribution of particles is moving at random, he showed that zero density at the boundary would necessitate zero density at all points inside.<br />Thus it appeared to Einstein that the universe as a whole could be neither infinite nor have a finite boundary. Hence space as a whole could not be Euclidean. ...In the classical picture time and space are distinct, time being infinite in duration and space Euclidean. In devising an alternative model Einstein retained this world-wide separation of time and space, despite the fusion of the two concepts in General Relativity, but he assumed that space as a whole was of the type known as spherical.<!--p.77--> ** [[Gerald James Whitrow]], ''The Structure of the Universe: An Introduction to Cosmology'' (1949) * Owing to departures from strict homogeneity, the actual world cannot be ''exactly'' of Einstein's form. The instability of Einstein's universe indicates that in general, a system which is nearly, but not exactly, of this form will tend to depart further and further from it with lapse of time. Consequently, Einstein's model cannot permanently represent the smoothed-out universe of nebulae. It is possible, or course, that the actual universe was much closer to this model in the remote past than it is now. ...It has even been suggested that the Einstein configuration was an unstable equilibrium state through which the universe slowly passed in expanding from an initial 'explosive' phase of small volume and high density. ** [[Gerald James Whitrow]], ''The Structure of the Universe: An Introduction to Cosmology'' (1949) * Einstein was a world-famous genius and people I knew used to remark, "You spend a good deal of time with Einstein. He has a perfect brain, doesn't he?" Well, I have never known what is meant by a "perfect brain." I do know that Einstein's mind was very human and had many defects. Einstein was far slower than Jancsi von Neumann to derive mathematical identities. His memory could be faulty, at least after 1933. And he was hardly interested in the details of physics. For a man like Edward Teller, developing the details of a physics problem was passionately important. For Einstein, it was not. In all spheres of life, Einstein's greatest pleasure was in finding, and later expressing, basic principles.<br>But Einstein's understanding was deeper than even Jancsi von Neumann's. His mind was both more penetrating and more original than von Neumann's. And that is a very remarkable statement. Einstein took an extraordinary plea sure in invention. Two of his greatest inventions are the Special and General Theories of Relativity; and for all of Jancsi's brilliance, he never produced anything so original. No modern physicist has. ** [[Eugene Wigner]], ''The Recollections of Eugene P. Wigner'' (1992), Ch. 10. It Is Far Better to Have a Good Marriage Than a Quarrel * A clear pattern emerges... he latches on to some perceived fundamental weakness or contradiction in existing physical theory and worries over it for long periods of time—as long as it takes. '''He is concerned not to exploit existing ideas but to transcend them. This restless style is not necessarily a recipe for success.''' Einstein did not play a creative role in the development of physics after 1925... The basic difficulty was that Einstein believed he saw difficulties in the basic foundations of quantum theory and that, characteristically, he wished to overhaul the theory rather than to exploit it. While his colleagues were applying quantum theory with great success to elucidate the workings of atoms, nuclei, and bulk matter, Einstein held aloof. ** [[Frank Wilczek]] & [[w:Betsy Devine|Betsy Devine]], ''Longing for the Harmonies: Themes and Variations from Modern Physics'' (1987) * Most scientists are happiest when they are making clear progress, solving some perhaps small but well-defined and significant problems by clever adaptations of known techniques. '''Most people'''—perhaps all—'''feel acutely anxious and unhappy when they are "groping in the dark" or find themselves poised uneasily upon "no firm foundation." We must admire the courage of those rare individuals who, like Einstein, systematically seek out such situations.''' ** [[Frank Wilczek]] & [[w:Betsy Devine|Betsy Devine]], ''Longing for the Harmonies: Themes and Variations from Modern Physics'' (1987) * It is quite easy to include a weight for empty space in the equations of gravity. Einstein did so in 1917, introducing what came to be known as the [[w:Cosmological constant|cosmological constant]] into his equations. His motivation was to construct a [[w:Static universe|static model of the universe]]. To achieve this, he had to introduce a [[w:Vacuum_energy#Implications|negative mass density for empty space]], which just canceled the average positive density due to matter. With zero total density, gravitational forces can be in static equilibrium. [[Edwin Hubble|Hubble's]] subsequent discovery of the [[w:Hubble's law|expansion of the universe]], of course, made Einstein's static model universe obsolete. ...'''The fact is that to this day we do not understand in a deep way why''' the vacuum doesn't weigh, or (to say the same thing in another way) why the cosmological constant vanishes, or (to say it in yet another way) why '''Einstein's greatest blunder was a mistake.''' ** [[Frank Wilczek]] & [[w:Betsy Devine|Betsy Devine]], ''Longing for the Harmonies: Themes and Variations from Modern Physics'' (1987) * Einstein understood the central concepts of general relativity years before he developed the detailed equations. ** [[Edward Witten]], {{cite journal|title=Unravelling string theory|volume=438|issue=7071|page=1085|date=22 December 2005|journal=Nature|url=https://www.ias.edu/sites/default/files/sns/files/Unravelling(1).pdf|doi=10.1038/4381085a}} *Capitalism is based on this arrangement, which famous physicist Albert Einstein explained quite simply: “The owner of the means of production is in a position to purchase the labor power of the worker. By using the means of production, the worker produces new goods which become the property of the capitalist. The essential point about this process is the relation between what the worker produces and what he [sic] is paid, both measured in terms of real value.... What the worker receives is determined not by the real value of the goods he produces, but by his minimum needs and by the capitalists' requirements for labor power in relation to the number of workers competing for jobs. It is important to understand that even in theory the payment of the worker is not determined by the value of his product.” **[https://shop.workingclasshistory.com/collections/books/products/working-class-history-everyday-acts-resistance-rebellion-book ''Working Class History''] (2020) * So, from a Bayesian perspective, what Einstein did is still induction, and still covered by the notion of a simple prior (Occam prior) that gets updated by new evidence. It's just the prior was over the possible characters of physical law, and observing other physical laws let Einstein update his model of the character of physical law, which he then used to predict a particular law of gravitation.<br>If you didn't have the concept of a "character of physical law", what Einstein did would look like magic—plucking the correct model of gravitation out of the space of all possible equations, with vastly insufficient evidence. But Einstein, by looking at other laws, cut down the space of possibilities for the next law. He learned the alphabet in which physics was written, constraints to govern his answer. Not magic, but reasoning on a higher level, across a wider domain, than what a naive reasoner might conceive to be the "model space" of only this one law.<br>So from a probability-theoretic standpoint, Einstein was still data-driven—he just used the data he already had, more effectively. Compared to any alternate Earths that demanded huge quantities of additional data from astronomical observations and clocks on airplanes to hit them over the head with General Relativity. ** [[Eliezer Yudkowsky]], "[http://lesswrong.com/lw/qj/einsteins_speed/ Einstein's Speed]" (21 May 2008) * We all love life it is like a car with Humans inside it and at every stop we unload a passenger to the grave, and as Albert Einstein said life is like riding a bicycle to maintain your balance you must keep moving, and the response to this saying is that as lon as death comes, movement does not come from the human being.~~ June 20, 2025 ** [[Abdelnasser Abdelfattah]] ** [https://shufunews.com/quotations-by-abdel-nasser-abdel-fattah/ Quotations by Abdelnasser Abdelfattah] ==References== {{Reflist}} ==See also== *[[Albert Einstein and politics]] *[[Annus Mirabilis papers|''Annus Mirabilis'' papers]] *[[EPR paradox]] *[[On the Method of Theoretical Physics]], Einstein's {{w|Herbert Spencer}} lecture at [[University of Oxford|Oxford]] (June 10, 1933). *''[[The Meaning of Relativity]]'' (1922 book consisting of an English translation of four lectures given by Einstein in German at Princeton University in May 1921; with several subsequent editions) *[[Theory of relativity]] *[[Unified field theory]] *[[Why Socialism?]] *[[Bohr–Einstein debates]] {{Philosophy of science}} ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} {{wikisource author}} * [http://einsteinpapers.press.princeton.edu/|The Collected Papers of Albert Einstein] from Princeton University Press, in conjunction with the California Institute of Technology and the Hebrew University of Jerusalem *[http://einstein.biz/ Official Einstein^® website] *[http://www.aip.org/history/einstein/index.html Einstein at the American Institute of Physics] *[http://www.amnh.org/exhibitions/einstein/index.php Einstein at the American Museum of Natural History] *[http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/einstein/ NOVA : Einstein Revealed at PBS] *[http://www.nobel.se/physics/laureates/1921/press.html The Nobel Prize in Physics 1921] — [http://www.nobel.se/physics/laureates/1921/index.html Albert Einstein] *[http://www-gap.dcs.st-and.ac.uk/~history/Mathematicians/Einstein.html Profile at the University of St Andrews, Scotland] *[http://www.einsteinandreligion.com/index.html Einstein on Science and Religion] *[http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/truman/psources/ps_einstein.html Einstein's letter to Roosevelt] *[http://vault.fbi.gov/Albert%20Einstein FBI files] *[http://www.th.physik.uni-frankfurt.de/~jr/physpiceinfam.html Einstein family pictures] *[http://www.pbs.org/opb/einsteinswife/ Einstein's wife: Mileva Maric] *[http://www.germanheritage.com/biographies/atol/einstein.html Albert Einstein Biography from "German-American corner: History and Heritage"] *[http://www.alberteinstein.info/ Official Einstein Archives Online : 3000 documents] **[https://www.firstinspire.com/albert-einstein/ Einstein Timeline] *[http://www.albert-einstein.org/ Albert Einstein Archive at the University of Jerusalem] *[http://www.einstein.caltech.edu/ Einstein Papers Project at Caltech (California Institute of Techology)] *[http://living-einstein.mpiwg-berlin.mpg.de/living_einstein ''Living Einstein'' at the Max Planck Institute] *[http://www.westegg.com/einstein/ Albert Einstein Online] - a comprehensive listing of online resources about Einstein. *''Audio excerpts of famous speeches: '' [http://www.time.com/time/time100/poc/audio/einstein1.ram e=mc2 & relativity], [http://www.time.com/time/time100/poc/audio/einstein2.ram Impossibility of atomic energy], [http://www.time.com/time/time100/poc/audio/einstein3.ram arms race] (From ''Time'' magazine archives) *Albert Einstein: ''[http://lib.ru/FILOSOF/EJNSHTEJN/theworld_engl.txt The World as I see it]''. *Albert Einstein: ''[http://www.monthlyreview.org/598einst.htm Why Socialism?]'' *[http://www.muppetlabs.com/~breadbox/txt/al.html Theory of relativity in 4-letter words or shorter] *[http://www.pupress.princeton.edu/chapters/s6681.pdf Einstein and Religion (1999) by Max Jammer] ([[w:Portable Document Format|PDF document]]) *[http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2008/may/12/peopleinscience.religion "Childish superstition: Einstein's letter makes view of religion relatively clear" in ''The Guardian'' (13 May 2008)] {{authority control|VIAF=75121530|NLA=36582360|ULAN=500240971|SELIBR=184709|PND=118529579|LCCN=n/79/22889|RID=I-6013-2012|TSURL=Albert_Einstein|BNF=cb119016075}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Einstein, Albert}} [[Category:Albert Einstein| ]] c0ucfjme2aieqogu6qnl0iecrwixhgk 0 141 3949438 3946914 2026-06-06T06:20:21Z Juustila 3287246 /* 1942 */ updating 3949438 wikitext text/x-wiki {{semiprotected|small=yes}} : '''''See also: [[Big lie]], [[Mein Kampf]], [[Religious views of Adolf Hitler]]''''' <!-- This is an EXPERIMENTAL effort, towards which there remains some doubt and skepticism as to the propriety of such a page, as an improper precedent for further disruptive divisions of many kinds. ~ Kalki --> [[File:Hitler portrait crop.jpg|thumb|[A]t the head of this people is someone who has never known anything but struggle, and who has always known but one [[principle]]: "Strike, strike and strike again." ([[Adolf_Hitler#Speech_on_the_19th_anniversary_of_the_"Beer_Hall_Putsch"_(8_November_1942)|1942]])]] '''{{w|Adolf Hitler}}''' (adɔlf ˈhɪtlɐ; 20 April 1889&nbsp;– 30 April 1945) was an Austrian-born German politician who was dictator of [[Germany]] from 1933 until [[w:Death of Adolf Hitler|his death]] in 1945. [[w:Adolf Hitler's rise to power|He rose to power]] as the leader of the [[Nazism|Nazi Party]], becoming the [[w:Chancellor of Germany|chancellor]] in 1933 and then taking the title of ''[[w:Führer|Führer]]'' ("Leader") in 1934. During his [[w:dictatorship|dictatorship]], he initiated [[World War II]] in [[Europe]] by [[Invasion of Poland|invading Poland]] on 1&nbsp;September 1939. He was closely involved in military operations throughout the war and was central to the perpetration of [[the Holocaust]]: the [[genocide]] of [[w:Holocaust victims|about six million Jews and millions of other victims]]. ==Quotes== ===1919=== [[File:Yellowbadge logo.svg|thumb|[[Antisemitism]] based on purely emotional grounds will always find its ultimate expression in the form of [[w:Pogrom|pogroms]]. A rational antisemitism, however, must lead to the systematic legal fight against and the elimination of the prerogatives of the [[Judaism|Jew]]. ... Its ultimate goal, however, must unalterably be the elimination of the Jews altogether.]] *[[Antisemitism]] based on purely emotional grounds will always find its ultimate expression in the form of [[w:Pogrom|pogroms]]. A rational antisemitism, however, must lead to the systematic legal fight against and the elimination of the prerogatives of the [[Judaism|Jew]]. ... Its ultimate goal, however, must unalterably be the elimination of the Jews altogether. **Letter (16 September 1919), quoted in Eberhard Jäckel, ''Hitler's World View: A Blueprint for Power'' (Harvard University Press, 1981), p. 48 *Our fight is with [[money]]. [[Work]] alone will help us, not money. We must smash [[Gottfried_Feder#"Manifesto_for_the_Abolition_of_Enslavement_to_Interest_on_Money"_(1919)|interest slavery]]. Our fight is with the [[Race|races]] that represent money. **Speech at the hall of Zum Deutschen Reich (December 18, 1919), quoted in [[w:Thomas Weber | Thomas Weber]], ''Becoming Hitler: The Making of a Nazi'' (Basic Books, 2017), p. 138. Police report of DAP meeting, SAM, DPM/6697 ===1920=== * The [[common good]] before the individual good. (''Gemeinnutz geht vor Eigennutz'') * Abolition of [[wikt:unearned income|work-free and effortless income]]. '''Breaking of interest-slavery.''' ** "[[w:National Socialist Program |The Nazi 25-point Programme]]," Hitler's speech on party's program (February 24, 1920) in Munich, Germany. ''Nazi Ideology Before 1933: A Documentation'', Barbara Miller Lane, ‎Leila J. Rupp, introduction and translation, Manchester University Press (1978) p. 43. * [[Socialism]] as the final concept of [[duty]], the ethical duty of work, not just for oneself but also for one's fellow man's sake, and above all the principle: Common good before own good, a struggle against all [[parasitism]] and especially against easy and unearned [[Redistribution of income and wealth|income]]. And we were aware that in this fight we can rely on no one but our own people. We are convinced that socialism in the right sense will only be possible in [[nations]] and races that are [[w:Aryan|Aryan]], and there in the first place we hope for our own people and are convinced that socialism is inseparable from [[nationalism]]. ** "Why We Are Anti-Semites" (August 15, 1920 speech in Munich at the Hofbräuhaus). Translated from ''Vierteljahrshefte für Zeitgeschichte'', 16. Jahrg., 4. H. (October 1968), pp. 390-420. Edited by Carolyn Yeager. [https://carolynyeager.net/why-we-are-antisemites-text-adolf-hitlers-1920-speech-hofbr%C3%A4uhaus] * There comes a time when it will be obvious that socialism can only be carried out accompanied by [[nationalism]] and antisemitism. ** "Why We Are Anti-Semites" (August 15, 1920) Translated from ''Vierteljahrshefte für Zeitgeschichte'', 16. Jahrg., 4. H. (October 1968), pp. 390-420. Edited by Carolyn Yeager. [https://carolynyeager.net/why-we-are-antisemites-text-adolf-hitlers-1920-speech-hofbr%C3%A4uhaus] * If we are socialists, then we must definitely be anti-semites - and the opposite, in that case, is Materialism and Mammonism, which we seek to oppose... '''How, as a socialist, can you not be an anti-semite?''' ** "Why We Are Anti-Semites," August 15, 1920 speech in Munich at the Hofbräuhaus. Translated from ''Vierteljahrshefte für Zeitgeschichte'', 16. Jahrg., 4. H. (Oct., 1968), pp. 390-420. Edited by Carolyn Yeager. [https://carolynyeager.net/why-we-are-antisemites-text-adolf-hitlers-1920-speech-hofbr%C3%A4uhaus] * For if the Jew has a racial determination, so have we, and we are also obliged to act accordingly. Because it seems inseparable from the social idea and '''we do not believe that there could ever exist a [[state]] with lasting inner health if it is not built on internal [[social justice]]''', and so we have joined forces with this knowledge. ** "Why We Are Anti-Semites," August 15, 1920 speech in Munich at the Hofbräuhaus. Translated from ''Vierteljahrshefte für Zeitgeschichte'', 16. Jahrg., 4. H. (Oct., 1968), pp. 390-420. Edited by Carolyn Yeager. [https://carolynyeager.net/why-we-are-antisemites-text-adolf-hitlers-1920-speech-hofbr%C3%A4uhaus] ===1921=== * Everyone was at one time a [[Social Democrat]]. ** As quoted in ''Hitler: Sämtliche Aufzeichnungen 1905-1924'', Eberhard Jäckel and Axel Kuhn, (editors) Stuttgart: Deutsche Verlags-Anstalt, 1980, p. 448 (quote from 1921) ===1922=== *The Jews have shown real genius in profiting by [[politics]]. This [[Capitalism|capitalistic]] people, which was brought into [[existence]] by the unscrupulous [[exploitation]] of men, has understood how to get the leadership of the Fourth Estate into its own hands; and by acting both on the [[Conservatism|Right]] and on the [[Left-wing politics|Left]] it has its apostles in both camps. On the Right the Jew does his best to encourage all the evils there are to such an extent that the man of the people, poor devil, will be exasperated as much as possible— [[greed]] of money, unscrupulousness, hard- heartedness, abominable [[Snob|snobbishness]]. More and more Jews have wormed their way into our upper-class families; and the consequence has been that the ruling class has been alienated from its own people. **As quoted in ''A History of National Socialism'', [[Konrad Heiden]], Methuen & Company, LTD, London: UK, 1934, p. 58. Speech in April, 1922 *There are only two possibilities in Germany; do not imagine that the people will forever go with the middle party, the party of compromises; one day it will turn to those who have most consistently foretold the coming ruin and have sought to dissociate themselves from it. '''And that party is either the [[left-wing politics|Left]]: and then God help us! for it will lead us to complete destruction - to [[Bolsheviks|Bolshevism]], or else it is a party of the Right which at the last, when the people is in utter despair, when it has lost all its spirit and has no longer any faith in anything, is determined for its part ruthlessly to seize the reins of power - that is the beginning of resistance of which I spoke a few minutes ago.''' Here, too, there can be no compromise - there are only two possibilities: either victory of the Aryan, or annihilation of the Aryan and the victory of the Jew.<br>..<br>And if we ask who was responsible for our misfortune, then we must inquire who profited by our collapse. And the answer to that question is that '[[Banking|Banks]] and [[w:Stock Exchange|Stock Exchanges]] are more flourishing than ever before.' We were told that capitalism would be destroyed, and when we ventured to remind one or the other of these famous [[Statesmanship|statesmen]] and said 'Don't forget that Jews too have [[capital]],' then the answer was: 'What are you worrying about? Capitalism as a whole will now be destroyed, the whole people will now be free. We are not fighting Jewish or [[Christianity|Christian]] capitalism, we are fighting very capitalism: we are making the people completely free.' ... It is only the international Stock Exchange and loan- capital, the so-called 'supra-state capital,' which has profited from the collapse of our economic life, the capital which receives its character from the single supra-state nation which is itself national to the core, which fancies itself to be above all other nations, which places itself above other nations and which already rules over them. The international Stock Exchange capital would be unthinkable, it would never have come, without its founders the supra-national, because intensely national, Jews.<br>..<br>We must on principle free ourselves from any class standpoint.<br>..<br>'NATIONAL' AND 'SOCIAL' ARE TWO IDENTICAL CONCEPTIONS. It was only the Jew who succeeded, through falsifying the social idea and turning it into Marxism, not only in divorcing the social idea from the national, but in actually representing them as utterly contradictory.<br>..<br>I am perhaps more capable than anyone else of understanding and realizing the nature and the whole life of the various German castes.<br>..<br>THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS CLASSES: THEY CANNOT BE. Class means caste and caste means race. If there are [[Caste system in India|castes in India]], well and good; there it is possible, for there there were formerly Aryans and dark aborigines. So it was in [[Ancient Egypt|Egypt]] and in [[Roman Empire|Rome]]. But with us in Germany where everyone who is a [[Germans|German]] at all has the same [[blood]], has the same [[eyes]], and speaks the same [[language]], here there can be no [[Class conflict|class]], here there can be only a single people and beyond that nothing else.<br>..<br>At the founding of this Movement we formed the decision that we would give expression to this idea of ours of the identity of the two conceptions: despite all warnings, on the basis of what we had come to believe, on the basis of the sincerity of our will, '''we christened it "National Socialist.' We said to ourselves that to be 'national' means above everything to act with a boundless and all-embracing love for the people and, if necessary, even to die for it. And similarly to be 'social' means so to build up the state and the community of the people that every individual acts in the interest of the community of the people and must be to such an extent convinced of the goodness, of the honorable straightforwardness of this community of the people as to be ready to die for it'''. **[https://archive.org/stream/TheSpeechesOfAdolfHitler19211941/hitler-speeches-collection_djvu.txt Munich - Speech of April 12, 1922] *'''Once I really am in power, my first and foremost task will be the annihilation of the Jews'''. As soon as I have the power to do so, I will have gallows built in rows—at the [[w:Marienplatz|Marienplatz]] in [[w:Munich|Munich]], for example—as many as traffic allows. Then the Jews will be hanged indiscriminately, and they will remain hanging until they stink; they will hang there as long as the principles of hygiene permit. As soon as they have been untied, the next batch will be strung up, and so on down the line, until the last Jew in Munich has been exterminated. Other cities will follow suit, precisely in this fashion, '''until all Germany has been completely cleansed of Jews'''. **Statement to Josef Heil, 1922 quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=qPV_rGdhYpkC&pg=PA17&dq=Once+I+really+am+in+power,+my+first+and+foremost+task+will+be+the+annihilation+of+the+Jews.+As+soon+as+I+have+the+power+to+do+so,&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi8uJGhnJbXAhUJbiYKHZXiDi4Q6AEIJzAA#v=onepage&q=Once%20I%20really%20am%20in%20power%2C%20my%20first%20and%20foremost%20task%20will%20be%20the%20annihilation%20of%20the%20Jews.%20As%20soon%20as%20I%20have%20the%20power%20to%20do%20so%2C&f=false Gerald Fleming, ''Hitler and the Final Solution'' pg. 17] *The Bolshevisation of Germany, however, means the destruction of the entire Christian-Western culture. In the foreseeable recognition of this catastrophe and the inadequacy of the means to avert it, the National Socialist German Workers' Party was founded three years ago, on 5 January 1919. Its goal, quite briefly, is the destruction and eradication of the Marxist worldview. The means to this end are to be 1. an incomparable, ingeniously organized propaganda and educational organization, encompassing all possibilities of human influence; 2. an organization of the most ruthless force and brutal determination, ready to counter every terror of Marxism with one ten times greater." **Hitler's memorandum to his industrial sponsors of October 22, 1922. ===1923=== *The [[Treaty of Versailles]] and the [[w:Treaty of St Germain|Treaty of St Germain]] are kept alive by [[Bolsheviks|Bolshevism]] in Germany. The Peace Treaty and Bolshevism are two heads of one monster. We must decapitate both.<br>..<br>'''In my scheme of the German state, there will be no room for the alien, no use for the wastrel, for the usurer or speculator, or anyone incapable of productive work.'''<br>..<br>'''[[Socialism]] is the [[science]] of dealing with the common weal. [[Communism]] is not Socialism. [[Marxism]] is not Socialism.''' The Marxians have stolen the term and confused its meaning. I shall take Socialism away from the Socialists. Socialism is an ancient Aryan, Germanic institution. Our German ancestors held certain lands in common. They cultivated the idea of the common weal. Marxism has no right to disguise itself as socialism. Socialism, unlike Marxism, does not repudiate [[private property]]. Unlike Marxism, it involves no negation of [[personality]], and unlike Marxism, it is [[Patriotism|patriotic]]. We might have called ourselves the Liberal Party. We chose to call ourselves the National Socialists. We are not [[Internationalism|internationalists]]. Our socialism is national.''' We demand the fulfilment of the just claims of the productive classes by the state on the basis of race solidarity. To us state and race are one.''' **[https://www.theguardian.com/theguardian/2007/sep/17/greatinterviews1 Interview with George Sylvester Viereck, 1923] *''Wenn deine Mutter alt geworden,<br>und älter du geworden bist,<br>wenn ihr, was früher leicht und mühlos,<br>nunmehr zur Last geworden ist,<br>wenn ihre lieben, treuen Augen,<br>nicht mehr wie einst ins Leben seh'n,<br>wenn ihre Füße, kraftgebrochen,<br>sie nicht mehr tragen woll'n mein Geh'n,<br>dann reich ihr deinen Arm zur Stütze,<br>geleite sie mit froher Lust,<br>die Stunde kommt, da du sie weinend<br>zum letzten Gang begleiten musst.<br>Und fragt sie dich, so gib ihr Antwort,<br>und fragt sie wieder, - sprich auch du,<br>und fragt sie nochmals, - steh' ihr Rede,<br>nicht ungestüm, in sanfter Ruh!<br>Und kann sie dich nicht recht verstehen,<br>erklär ihr alles frohbewegt,<br>die Stunde kommt, die bitt're Stunde,<br>da dich ihr Mund nach nichts mehr frägt.<br>'' **When your mother has grown old<br>and with her so have you,<br>When that which once came easy<br>has at last become a burden,<br>When her loving, true eyes<br>no longer see life as once they did<br>When her weary feet<br>no longer want to wear her as she stands,<br>then reach an arm to her shoulder,<br>escort her gently, with happiness and passion<br>The hour will come, when you, crying,<br>must take her on her final walk.<br>And if she asks you, then give her an answer<br>And if she asks you again, listen!<br>And if she asks you again, take in her words<br>not impetuously, but gently and in peace!<br>And if she cannot quite understand you,<br>explain all to her gladly<br>For the hour will come, the bitter hour<br>when her mouth will ask for nothing more.<br> ** Adolf Hitler, "Denk' es!" (Be Reminded!) 1923, first published in ''Sonntag-Morgenpost'' (14 May 1933). ===1924=== * I alone bear the [[responsibility]]. But I am not a [[Crime|criminal]] because of that. If today I stand here as a revolutionary, it is as a revolutionary against the [[revolution]]. There is no such thing as [[w:High treason|high treason]] against the [[Treason|traitors]] of 1918. ** [https://www.historyplace.com/worldwar2/riseofhitler/trial.htm At his trial], 24 February 1924 ===1926=== * If the National Socialist Movement should fail to understand the fundamental importance of this essential principle [race], if it should merely varnish the external appearance of the present State and adopt the majority principle, it would really do nothing more than compete with Marxism on its own ground. ** ''Mein Kampf'', Volume 2, Chapter IV, "Personality and the Ideal of the People's State," Trans. Marco Roberto, MVR, 2015, p. 33, first published 1926 *[I]t is absolutely wrong to infer any ideal sense of [[sacrifice]] in the Jews from the fact that they stand together in struggle, or, better expressed, in the plundering of their fellow men. **''Mein Kampf'', as quoted in [https://www.google.com/books/edition/Anthropology_as_Ethics/OLnD7DXOHq4C?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=%22absolutely+wrong+to+infer+any+ideal+sense+of+sacrifice+in+the+Jews+from+the+fact+that+they+stand+together+in+struggle,+or,+better+expressed,+in+the+plundering+of+their+fellow+men.%22&pg=PA320&printsec=frontcover ''Anthropology as Ethics: Nondualism and the Conduct of Sacrifice''] (2009), by T. M. S. Evens, p. 320 *As long as the Jew has not succeeded in mastering other peoples he is forced to speak their language whether he likes it or not. But the moment that the world would become the slave of the Jew it would have to learn some other language so that by this means the Jew could dominate all the more easily. **''Mein Kampf'', Chapter "Nation and Race" * His [the Jewish person's] life is only of this world, and his spirit is inwardly as alien to true [[Christianity]] as his nature two thousand years previous was to the great founder of the new doctrine. Of course, the latter made no secret of his attitude toward the Jewish people, and when necessary he even took to the whip to drive from the temple of the Lord '''this adversary of all humanity, who then as always saw in [[religion]] nothing but an instrument for his [[business]] existence'''. In return, [[Christ]] was nailed to the cross, while our present-day party Christians debase themselves to begging for Jewish votes at elections and later try to arrange political swindles with [[Atheism|atheistic]] Jewish parties — and this against their own nation. **''Mein Kampf'', p. 307, first published 1926 [[File:Hitler World War I.jpg|thumb|I fell down on my knees and thanked Heaven from an overflowing heart for granting me the good fortune of being permitted to live [[World War I|at this time]].]] *Even today I am not ashamed to say that, overpowered by stormy enthusiasm, I fell down on my knees and thanked Heaven from an overflowing heart for granting me the good fortune of being permitted to live [[World War I|at this time]]. **''Mein Kampf'', Chapter "The World War" === 1927 === *We reject the political aims of the [[Business magnate|industrialists]]. **Speech at the May 1927 NSDAP provincial congress in Stuttgart, quoted in Dietrich Orlow, ''The Nazi Party 1919-1945: A Complete History'', Enigma Books (2010), p. 61 *It is impossible that a non-Jew would be able in the long run to compete with the Jews in a Jewish area (of business). At least for the Aryan it is impossible. There are peoples who are able to do so, like the [[Greeks]] and the [[Armenians]]. Sure, these peoples have come so far that they are able to economically even defeat the Jew. However, by doing this they have become Jews themselves. They have these specific, disgraceful characteristics we condemn in the Jews. **"Rede auf Generalmitgliederversammlung der NSDAP/NSDAV e.V. in München," doc. no. 159 (July 30, 1927), in Institut für Zeitgeschichte, ed., Hitler: Reden, Schriften, Anordnungen, Februar 1925 bis Januar 1933, vol. 2, pt. 2 (Munich: K. G. Saur, 1992), 429. ===1928=== *I believe that I have enough energy to lead our people whither it must shed its blood [''zum blutigen Einsatz''], not for an adjustment of its boundaries, but to save it into the most distant future by securing so much land and space that the future will receive back many times the blood shed. **Speech (23 May 1928), quoted in Gerhard L. Weinberg, 'The world through Hitler's eyes', in ''Germany, Hitler, and World War II: Essays in Modern German and World History'' (Cambridge University Press, 1996), p. 51 ====''[[w:Zweites Buch|Zweites Buch]]'' (1928)==== :<small>[https://archive.org/details/ZweitesBuch-AdolfHitlersSecretBook Online at the Internet Archive]</small> * I am a German nationalist. This means that I proclaim my nationality. My whole thought and action belongs to it. I am a socialist. I see no class and no social estate before me, but that community of the Folk, made up of people who are linked by blood, united by [[German language|a language]], and subject to a same general fate. I love this Folk and hate only its majority of the moment, because I view the latter to be just as little representative of the greatness of my Folk as it is of its happiness. * The National Socialist Movement, on the contrary, will always let its [[foreign policy]] be determined by the necessity to secure the [[w:Lebensraum|space]] necessary to the life of our Folk. It knows no [[w:Germanization|Germanising or Teutonising]], as in the case of the national [[bourgeoisie]], but only the spread of its own Folk. It will never see in the subjugated, so called Germanised, [[Czech Republic|Czechs]] or [[Poland|Poles]] a national, let alone Folkish, strengthening, but only the racial weakening of our Folk. * The Folkish State, conversely, must under no conditions annex [[Poland|Poles]] with the intention of wanting to make Germans out of them some day. On the contrary, it must muster the determination either to seal off these alien racial elements, so that the blood of its own Folk will not be corrupted again, or it must without further ado remove them and hand over the vacated territory to its own National Comrades. * Jewry is a Folk with a racial core that is not wholly unitary. Nevertheless, as a Folk, it has special intrinsic characteristics which separate it from all other Folks living on the globe. Jewry is not a religious community, but the religious bond between Jews; rather is in reality the momentary governmental system of the Jewish Folk. The Jew has never had a territorially bounded State of his own in the manner of Aryan States. Nevertheless, his religious community is a real State, since it guarantees the preservation, the increase and the future of the Jewish Folk. But this is solely the task of the State. That the Jewish State is subject to no territorial limitation, as is the case with Aryan States, is connected with the character of the Jewish Folk, which is lacking in the productive forces for the construction and preservation of its own territorial State. * Because of the lack of productive capacities of its own, the Jewish Folk cannot carry out the construction of a State, viewed in a territorial sense, but as a support of its own existence it needs the work and creative activities of other nations. Thus the existence of the Jew himself becomes a parasitical one within the lives of other Folks. Hence the ultimate goal of the Jewish struggle for existence is the enslavement of productively active Folks. In order to achieve this goal, which in reality has represented Jewry's struggle for existence at all times, the Jew makes use of all weapons that are in keeping with the whole complex of his character. Therefore in domestic politics within the individual nations he fights first for equal rights and later for superior rights. The characteristics of cunning, intelligence, astuteness, knavery, dissimulation, and so on, rooted in the character of his Folkdom, serve him as weapons thereto. They are as much stratagems in his war of survival as those of other Folks in combat. In foreign policy, he tries to bring nations into a state of unrest, to divert them from their true interests, and to plunge them into reciprocal wars, and in this way gradually rise to mastery over them with the help of the power of money and propaganda. His ultimate goal is the denationalisation, the promiscuous bastardisation of other Folks, the lowering of the racial levy of the highest Folks, as well as the domination of this racial mishmash through the extirpation of the Folkish intelligentsia and its replacement by the members of his own Folk. * Politics is history in the making. * Zu einer solchen weisen Maßnahme waren einst '''Spart[j]aken''' [sie] fähig, aber nicht unser heutiges, verlogen sentimentales, bürgerlich-patriotisches Zeug. Die Herrschaft der 6000 '''Spartaner''' über 3 1/2 Hunderttausend Heloten war nur denkbar infolge des rassischen Hochwertes der Spartaner. Dieser aber war das Ergebnis einer planmäßigen Rasseerhaltung, so daß wir im spartanischen Staat den ersten völkischen zu sehen haben. Die Aussetzung '''kranker, schwächlicher, mißgestalteter Kinder''', d. h. also deren Vernichtung, war menschenwürdiger und in Wirklichkeit tausendmal humaner als der erbärmliche Irrsinn unserer heutigen Zeit, die krankhaftesten Subjekte zu erhalten, und zwar um jeden Preis zu erhalten, und hunderttausend gesunden Kindern infolge der Geburtenbeschränkung oder durch Abtreibungsmittel das Leben zu nehmen, in der Folgezeit aber ein Geschlecht von mit Krankheiten '''belasteten Degeneraten heranzuzüchten'''. [https://books.google.com/books?id=bBgfAAAAMAAJ&dq=Zu+einer+solchen+weisen+Ma%C3%9Fnahme+waren+einst&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22f%C3%A4hig%2C+aber+nicht+unser+heutiges%2C+verlogen+sentimentales%22+] **At one time the Spartans were capable of such a wise measure, but not our present, mendaciously [[Feelings|sentimental]], bourgeois patriotic nonsense. The rule of six thousand Spartans over three hundred and fifty thousand [[w:Helots|Helots]] was only thinkable in consequence of the high racial value of the Spartans. But this was the result of a systematic race preservation; thus [[Sparta]] must be regarded as the first Völkisch State. The exposure of [[sick]], weak, deformed children, in short their destruction, was more decent and in truth a thousand times more humane than the wretched insanity of our day which preserves the most pathological subject, and indeed at any price, and yet takes the life of a hundred thousand healthy children in consequence of [[birth control]] or through [[abortions]], in order subsequently to breed a race of degenerates burdened with illnesses. ** As translated in ''Hitler's Secret Book'' (1961) Grove Press edition, pp. 8-9, 17-18 ===1930=== * What right do these people have to demand a share of [[property]] or even in [[Management|administration]]?... The employer who accepts the [[responsibility]] for [[production]] also gives the [[Working class|workpeople]] their means of livelihood. Our greatest [[industrialists]] are not concerned with the acquisition of wealth or with good living, but, above all else, with responsibility and [[power]]. '''They have worked their way to the top by their own abilities, and this proof of their capacity – a capacity only displayed by a higher race – gives them the right to lead.''' ** Adolf Hitler to Max Amann, May 1930 quotes in [https://books.google.com/books?id=CkdZBwAAQBAJ&pg=PA127&lpg=PA127&dq=have+worked+their+way+to+the+top+by+their+own+abilities,+and+this+proof+of+their+capacity+%E2%80%93+a+capacity+only+displayed+by+a+higher+race+%E2%80%93+gives+them+the+right+to&source=bl&ots=RlP4mOW504&sig=lyFV37iP2WvQC-6al732ME_lNlo&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjYi--M4aLVAhWLNT4KHS9xAW8Q6AEIKTAB#v=snippet&q=amann&f=false A History of National Socialism (Responding to Fascism Vol 2)] ===1931=== * To put it quite clearly: we have an economic programme. Point No. 13 in that programme demands the [[Nationalization|nationalisation]] of all public [[companies]], in other words socialisation, or what is known here as [[Right-wing socialism|socialism]]. ... the basic principle of my Party's economic programme should be made perfectly clear and that is the principle of authority... the good of the community takes priority over that of the individual. But the State should retain control; every owner should feel himself to be an agent of the State; it is his duty not to misuse his possessions to the detriment of the State or the interests of his fellow countrymen. That is the overriding point. '''The [[Third Reich]] will always retain the right to control property owners. If you say that the bourgeoisie is tearing its hair over the question of [[private property]], that does not affect me in the least. Does the bourgeoisie expect some consideration from me?... Today's bourgeoisie is rotten to the core;''' it has no ideals any more; all it wants to do is earn money and so it does me what damage it can. The bourgeois press does me damage too and would like to consign me and my movement to the devil.<br>..<br>I will tolerate no [[opposition]]. We recognize only subordination – [[authority]] downwards and responsibility upwards. '''You just tell the German [[bourgeoisie]] that I shall be finished with them far quicker than I shall with Marxism... When once the [[Conservatism|conservative]] forces in Germany realize that only I and my party can win the German [[Working class|proletariat]] over to the State and that no parliamentary games can be played with Marxist parties, then Germany will be saved for all time, then we can found a German Peoples State.'''<br>..<br>Over the last forty years the German bourgeoisie has been a lamentable failure; it has not given the German people a single leader; it will have to bow without gainsaying to the totality of my ideology... The bourgeoisie rules by intrigue, but it can have no foothold in my movement because we accept no Jews or Jewish accomplices into our Party. ** Hitler's interview with [[w:Richard Breiting|Richard Breiting]], 1931, published in Edouard Calic, ed., "First Interview with Hitler,4 May 1931," ''Secret Conversations with Hitler: The Two Newly-Discovered 1931 Interviews'', New York: John Day Co., 1971, pp. 36-37. Also published under the title ''[[w:Unmasked: Two Confidential Interviews with Hitler in 1931 | Unmasked: Two Confidential Interviews with Hitler in 1931]]'' published by Chatto & Windus in 1971 * What matters is to emphasize the fundamental idea in my party's economic program clearly; the idea of authority. I want the authority; I want everyone to keep the property he has acquired for himself according to the principle: ''{{'}}Benefit to the community precedes benefit to the individual.{{'}}'' But the state should retain supervision and each property owner should consider himself appointed by the state. It is his duty not to use his property against the interests of others among his own people. This is the crucial matter. The Third Reich will always retain its right to control the owners of property. ** In 1931, as quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=kp3p_sIk8h8C&pg=PA303 ''Nazi Economics: Ideology, Theory, and Policy''] (1990), by Avraham Barkai, pp. 26&ndash;27 ===1932=== *This whole edifice of civilization is in its foundations and in all its stones nothing else than the result of the creative capacity, the [[achievement]], the [[intelligence]], the [[industry]], of [[Individualism|individuals]]: in its greatest triumphs it represents the great crowning achievement of individual God-favored [[Genius|geniuses]], in its average accomplishment the achievement of men of average capacity, and in its sum doubtless the result of the use of human labor-force in order to turn to account the creations of genius and of talent. So it is only natural that when the capable intelligences of a nation, which are always in a [[Minority group|minority]], are regarded only as of the same value as all the rest, then genius, capacity, the value of personality are slowly subjected to the majority and this process is then falsely named the rule of the people. For this is not rule of the people, but in reality the rule of [[stupidity]], of [[mediocrity]], of half-heartedness, of [[cowardice]], of [[weakness]], and of inadequacy.<br>..<br>Thus it must be admitted that in the economic sphere, from the start, in all branches men are not of equal value or of equal importance. And once this is admitted it is madness to say: in the economic sphere there are undoubtedly differences in value, but that is not true in the political sphere. It is absurd to build up economic life on the conceptions of achievement, of the value of personality, and therefore in practice the authority of personality, but in the political sphere to deny the authority of personality and to thrust into this place the law of the greater number — [[democracy]]. **Speech to the Industry Club (21 January 1932) as quoted in ''{{w|The Speeches of Adolf Hitler, April 1922 – August 1939}}'' (1994) by {{w|Norman Hepburn Baynes}}, {{w|Oxford University Press}}, p.787 *I am a socialist because it seems incomprehensible to me to care for and treat a machine with care, but to allow the noblest representative of work, man himself, to degenerate. ** Mein Programm, April 2, 1932. Quoted in Hitler: Reden, Schriften, Anordnungen, Februar 1925 bis Januar 1933, vol. 11, (Munich: K. G. Saur, 1992), p. 12. * ...lift up your hearts and draw new faith from the resurrection of our people... Ultimately we shall live to see the kingdom of freedom, honour and social justice. Long live Germany! ** Speech at the Lustgarten in Berlin, April 4, 1932. As quoted in ''Hitler's Berlin: Abused City'', Thomas Friedrich, Yale University Press, 2012, p. 272. *In essence, the noblest nationalism is nothing other than refined socialism, just as socialism can be nothing other than nationalism, namely faithful devotion to the totality of one's own people. **Speech at a NSDAP meeting in Rodenkirchen, May 24, 1932. Quoted in Hitler: Reden, Schriften, Anordnungen, Februar 1925 bis Januar 1933, vol. 11, (Munich: K. G. Saur, 1992). ===1933=== * The November parties have ruined the German [[Peasant|peasantry]] in fourteen years. <br> In fourteen years they have created an army of millions of unemployed. The National Government will, with iron determination and unshakable steadfastness of purpose, put through the following plan: <br> Within four years the German peasant must be rescued from the quagmire into which he has fallen. <br> Within four years [[unemployment]] must be finally overcome. At the same time the conditions necessary for a revival in trade and commerce are provided.<br>..<br>The Marxist parties and their lackeys have had fourteen years to show what they can do. The result is a heap of ruins.<br>..<br>Now, people of Germany, give us four years and then pass judgment upon us. In accordance with [[Paul von Hindenburg|Field Marshal von Hindenburg]]'s command we shall begin now. May God Almighty give our work His blessing, strengthen our purpose, and endow us with wisdom and the trust of our people, for we are fighting not for ourselves but for Germany. ** [http://der-fuehrer.org/reden/english/33-02-01.htm Speech in Berlin], 1 February 1933 * And now Staatsprasident Bolz says that [[Christianity]] and the [[Catholic Church|Catholic]] faith are threatened by us. And to that charge I can answer: In the first place it is Christians and not international [[Atheism|atheists]] who now stand at the head of Germany. I do not merely talk of Christianity, no, I also profess that I will never ally myself with [[Anti-Christian|the parties which destroy Christianity]]. If many wish today to take threatened Christianity under their protection, where, I would ask, was Christianity for them in these fourteen years when they went arm in arm with [[atheism]]? No, never and at no time was greater internal damage done to Christianity than in these fourteen years when a party, theoretically Christian, sat with those who denied God in one and the same Government. ** [http://der-fuehrer.org/reden/english/33-02-15.htm Speech in Stuttgart], 15 February 1933 *I am for force, because in force I see strength, and in strength the eternal mother of rights, and in rights the root of life itself. **Speech (11 March 1933), quoted in Martin Gilbert, ''Sir Horace Rumbold: Portrait of a Diplomat, 1869–1941'' (1973), p. 171 and ''The Times'' (22 March 1933), p. 15 *Weighing the sacrifices of [[World War I|the last war]], we want to be true friends of a peace which will at last heal the wounds from which all have suffered. **Speech in Potsdam (21 March 1933), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 9 * Late you come, yet you do come!... You should have recognized the beneficial power of criticism when we were in the opposition. Back then, you had not yet been confronted with these words; back then our [[press]] was verboten and verboten and again verboten; our assemblies were banned; we were not allowed to speak, and I was not allowed to speak -- and that went on for years! And now you say criticism is beneficial! **Speech in the Reichstag (23 March 1933) on the passing of the [[w:Enabling Act|Enabling Act of 1933]]. Hitler is responding to Otto Wels, leader of the Social Democrats, who had made a speech in favour of "criticism", i.e. freedom of political opposition.<ref name="Enabling English">http://www.worldfuturefund.org/Reports2013/hitlerenablingact.htm</ref><ref name="Enabling German">https://www.zum.de/psm/ns/hitler11_macht.php</ref> **Hitler opens his response with a quotation from Schiller, "Spät kommt ihr, doch ihr kommt!" * In a most generous and humane manner you, Mr. Field Marshal, plead the cause of those members of the Jewish people who were once compelled, by the requirements of universal military service, to serve in the war. <br> I entirely understand these lofty sentiments, Mr. Field Marshal. But, with the greatest respect, may I point out that members and supporters of my movement, who are Germans, for years were driven from all government positions, without consideration for their wives and children or their war service... Those responsible for this cruelty were the same Jewish [political] parties which today complain when their supporters are denied the right to official positions, with a thousand times more justification, because they are of little use in these positions but can do limitless harm... * In general, the primary aim of this cleansing process is only to restore a certain sound and natural balance, and, secondly, to remove from official positions of national significance those elements to which one cannot entrust Germany's survival or destruction. For it will not be possible to avoid, in the next few years, [the need] to make sure that certain processes which must not be communicated to the rest of the world for reasons of the highest national interest, will indeed remain secret. This can only be guaranteed by the inner homogeneity of the administrative bodies concerned. ** [http://alphahistory.com/nazigermany/hindenburg-and-hitler-on-jewish-war-veterans/ Letter to President Hindenburg], (April 5th 1933) * We want to earn the renewed ascent of the nation by honest means, through our industry, our persistence, our unshakable will! We are not asking of the Almighty, “Lord, make us free!” We want to take an active part, to work, to accept one another as brothers and unite in a common struggle so that one day the hour will come when we can step before the Lord and have the right to ask of Him, “Lord, You can see that we have changed. The German Volk is no longer a Volk of infamy, shame, self-reproach, faintheartedness, and little faith. <br> No, Lord, the German Volk is once again strong in its will, strong in its persistence, strong in bearing any sacrifice. Lord, we will not give You up! Now bless our fight for our freedom and thus our German Volk und Vaterland!” ** [http://der-fuehrer.org/reden/english/33-05-01.htm Speech in Lustgarten, Berlin], 1 May 1933 *No fresh [[Europe|European]] war is capable of putting something better in the place of unsatisfactory conditions which exist to-day. ... The outbreak of such madness without end would lead to the collapse of existing social order in Europe. ... The German Government are convinced that to-day there can be only one great task, and that it to assure the peace of the world. ... The German Government wish to settle all difficult questions with other Governments by peaceful methods. ... The [[Germans|German people]] have no thought of invading any country. **Speech in Berlin (17 May 1933), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 9 *We do not want a war merely for the purpose of bringing to Germany people who simply do not want to be, or cannot be, Germans. **Broadcast (27 May 1933), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 9 * I have sympathy for [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Mr. Roosevelt]], because he marches straight toward his objectives over [[United States Congress|Congress]], [[Lobbying|lobbies]] and [[bureaucracy]]." Hitler went on to note that he was the sole leader in Europe who expressed "understanding of the methods and motives of President Roosevelt." ** ''The New York Times'' (July 1933), as quoted from: ''Adolf Hitler: The Definitive Biography'' New York, NY, Anchor Books, Doubleday (1992) p. 312n *There is no better guarantee for the peace of the world than the fanatical unity of the German people. **Speech in Kelheim (22 October 1933), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 9 *There are Germans and Poles in [[Europe]], and they ought to live together in agreement. The Poles cannot think of Europe without the Germans and the Germans cannot think of Europe without the Poles. **Speech in Berlin (24 October 1933), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 9 *When an opponent declares, 'I will not come over to your side, and you will not get me on your side,' I calmly say, 'Your child belongs to me already. A people lives forever. What are you? You will pass on. Your descendants however now stand in the new camp. In a short time they will know nothing else but this new community.' **Statement by Hitler at Elbing, Germany, ''Voelkischer Beobachter'' Berlin edition, (6 November 1933) Vol. V p. 198, and William L. Shirer, ''The Rise of the Third Reich: A History of Nazi Germany'', Simon & Schuster, 2011, p. 249 *I am not crazy enough to want a war. ... The German people have but one wish—to be happy in their own way and to be left in peace. They do not interfere in other people's business, and others should not interfere in theirs. ... When has the German people ever broken its word? **Speech in Berlin (10 November 1933), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 9 * The struggle between the people and the hatred amongst them is being nurtured by very specific interested parties. It is a small, rootless, international clique that is turning the people against each other, that does not want them to have [[peace]]. It is the people who are at home both nowhere and everywhere, who do not have anywhere a soil on which they have grown up, but who live in [[Berlin]] today, in [[Brussels]] tomorrow, [[Paris]] the day after that, and then again in [[Prague]] or [[Vienna]] or [[London]], and who feel at home everywhere. [Man in audience shouts 'Jews!'] They are the only ones who can be addressed as international elements, because they conduct their business everywhere, but the people cannot follow them. The people are bounded to their soil, bounded to its fatherland, bounded to the possibilities of life that the state, the nation, offers. ** [http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/worldwars/genocide/hitler_audio.shtml A speech at the Siemens Dynamo Works in Berlin (10 November 1933)] ===1934=== *The National Socialist racial idea and the science underlying it do not lead to the underrating or disparagement of other nations but rather to the recognition of the duty to preserve and maintain the life of our own people. Hence it leads inevitably to a natural respect for the life and character of other peoples. It thus frees foreign political activities from those attempts to subjugate other peoples in order to rule them or to incorporate them as a mere numerical mass in one's own nation by imposing a foreign language upon them. This new idea entails equally great and fanatical devotion to the life and hence to the honour and freedom of one's own people as it does respect for the honour and freedom of others. This idea can therefore provide an essentially better basis to the effort for a true pacification of the world than the sorting of the nations into groups of victors and vanquished, of those with rights and of those subjugated without rights, from mere considerations of strength. **Speech to the Reichstag, January 30, 1934 [Source: 'Hitler's Speeches (The Speeches of Adolf Hitler: April 1922 - August 1939): An English translation of representative passages arranged under subjects and edited by Norman H. Baynes', Oxford University Press, issued under the auspices of the Royal Institute of International Affairs, 1942. Foreign Policy, vol. II, p. 1158. *We do not wish to interfere with the [[rights]] of others, to restrict the lives of other peoples, to oppress or subjugate other people. **Speech in Lippe (14 January 1934), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 9 *National Socialism derives from each of the two camps the pure idea that characterizes it, national resolution from bourgeois tradition; '''vital, creative socialism from the teaching of Marxism.''' **Interview by [[w:Hanns Johst|Hanns Johst]] in ''Frankforter Volksblatt'' (January 27, 1934), quoted in David Schoenbaum, ''Hitler's Social Revolution: Class and Status in Nazi Germany, 1933–1939'' (New York: NY, W. W. Norton & Company, 1997), p. 57 * If we want a strong Germany, you must one day be strong, too. If we want a powerful Germany, you, too, must one day be powerful. If we want an honorable Germany, you must one day uphold this honor. If we want order in Germany, you must maintain this order. If we want to once again create a loyal Germany, you yourselves must learn to be loyal. You are the Germany of the future, and thus we want you to be what this Germany of the future must and will be. ** [http://der-fuehrer.org/reden/english/34-05-01.htm Speech at a youth rally in Berlin], 1 May 1934 *'''The hammer will once more become the symbol of the German worker and the sickle the sign of the German peasant,...''' **[http://www.nommeraadio.ee/meedia/pdf/RRS/Adolf%20Hitler%20-%20Collection%20of%20Speeches%20-%201922-1945.pdf May Day Speech at Tempelhof Air Field, Berlin] (1 May 1934), ''Adolf Hitler: Collection of Speeches 1922-1945'', ReichsMilitariaCom; 1st edition (2016), p. 184 *We have a great aim before us; a mighty work of reform of ourselves and our lives, of our life in common, of our [[Economics|economy]], of our [[culture]]. This work does not disturb the rest of the world. We have enough to do in our own house. **Speech in Gera (17 June 1934), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 9 *Mutinies are crushed in accordance with eternal and unchanging iron laws. **Speech in the Reichstag (13 July 1934) on the [[w:Night of the Long Knives|Night of the Long Knives]], quoted in Stephen H. Roberts, ''The House That Hitler Built'' (1945), p. 115 [[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 102-04051A, Reichsparteitag, Rede Adolf Hitlers.jpg|thumb|And it was no earthly superior who gave us that command; that was given us by the [[God]] Who created our people (...).]] * And so long as but a single one of us can draw breath he will devote to this Movement his powers and will champion its cause just as in the years which lie behind us. One cannot become disloyal to that which has given to the whole of life its content, its [[meaning]], and its [[purpose]]. It was a great distress and a mighty behest which seized upon us. A thing like this would never have been created out of nothing if a great [[command]] had not lain at the foundation of this work. And it was no earthly superior who gave us that command; that was given us by the [[God]] Who created our people and Who cannot will that His work should go to ruin only because a single generation had grown feeble. ** Speech from the Sixth Nazi Party Congress, Nuremberg (7 September 1934), quoted in Norman H. Baynes (ed.), ''The Speeches of Adolf Hitler, April 1922 – August 1939'', vol. 1, pt. 3 (Oxford University Press, 1994), p. 662 * It shall always be only a fraction of the people who stand out as truly active fighters, and more is expected from them than from the millions of their fellow countrymen. '''For them, the mere pledge of "I believe" is not enough, but rather the oath: "I fight!"''' ** Speech from the Sixth Nazi Party Congress, Nuremberg (8 September 1934) [https://web.archive.org/web/20150605015000/http://campbellmgold.com/archive_esoteric/hitler_closing_speech_triumph_of_the_will.pdf].<br>Video footage of this quotation can be found in the film [[w:Triumph of the Will|Triumph of the Will]] *What a man sacrifices in struggling for his Volk, a woman sacrifices in struggling to preserve this Volk in individual cases. What a man gives in heroic courage on the battlefield, woman gives in eternally patient [[devotion]], in eternally patient [[suffering]] and [[endurance]]. Every child to which she gives birth is a battle which she wages in her Volk's fateful question of to be or not to be. **Speech from the Sixth Nazi Party Congress, Nuremberg (8 September 1934), quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=a9dVAAAAYAAJ&q=What+a+man+sacrifices+in+struggling+for+his+Volk,+a+woman+sacrifices+in+struggling+to+preserve+this+Volk+in+individual+cases&dq=What+a+man+sacrifices+in+struggling+for+his+Volk,+a+woman+sacrifices+in+struggling+to+preserve+this+Volk+in+individual+cases&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj8id_w8-TWAhXIRSYKHSn5CV0Q6AEILDAB Hitler: speeches and proclamations, 1932-1945 - Volume 2 - Page 533] ===1935=== *Germany will on her side never break the peace. Germany wishes to be on an honourable footing with the neighbour peoples. **Interview with [[w:George Ward Price|George Ward Price]] of the ''Daily Mail'' (17 January 1935), quoted in Ivone Kirkpatrick, ''The Inner Circle'' (1959), p. 67 *That was not always the case. In 1813 the German Army was prohibited by treaty. Yet I do not recollect that at [[Battle of Waterloo|Waterloo]] [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington|Wellington]] said to [[w:Gebhard von Blucher|Blücher]]: "Your army is illegal; kindly leave the field." **Reply to the British Foreign Secretary, [[w:John Simon, 1st Viscount Simon|John Simon]], who told Hitler that the British liked to see treaties observed (''c''. 24–27 March 1935), quoted in Ivone Kirkpatrick, ''The Inner Circle'' (1959), p. 68 *'''The Germany of today is a National Socialist State. The [[ideology]] that dominates us is in diametrical contradiction to that of Soviet Russia. National Socialism is a doctrine that has reference exclusively to the German people. Bolshevism lays stress on international mission. We National Socialists believe a man can, in the long run, be happy only among his own people. We are convinced the happiness and achievements of Europe are indissolubly tied up with the continuation of the system of independent and free [[w:Nation-state|national States]]. [[Bolsheviks|Bolshevism]] preaches the establishment of a world empire and recognizes only section of a central international.''' We National Socialists grant each people the right to its own inner life according to its needs and its own nature. Bolshevism, on the other hand, establishes doctrinal theories that are to be accepted by all peoples, regardless of their particular essence, their special nature, [[Tradition|traditions]], etc. National Socialism speaks up for the solution of social problems, issues and tensions in their own nation, with methods that are consistent with our common human, spiritual, cultural and economic beliefs, traditions and conditions. Bolshevism preaches the international [[class struggle]], the international world revolution with the weapons of the terror and the violence. National Socialism fights for the reconciliation and consequent adjustment of the differences in life and the union of all for common benefits. Bolshevism teaches the overcoming of an alleged class rule by the dictatorship of the power of a different class. National Socialism does not attach importance to a only theoretical rule of the working class, but especially on the practical improvement of their living conditions and standard of living. Bolshevism fights for a theory and, for it, sacrifices millions of people, immense values of traditional culture and traditions, and achieves, compared with us, only a very low standard of living for all. '''As National Socialists, our hearts are full with admiration and respect for the great achievements of the past, not only in our own people but also far beyond. We are happy to belong to an European cultural community that has so tremendously embossed today's world with a stamp of its mind. Bolshevism rejects this cultural achievement of mankind, claiming that has found the beginning of the real cultural and human history in the year of birth of [[Marxism]].''' We, National Socialists, do not want to be of the same opinion as our church organizations in this or that organizational question. But we never want a lack of belief in religion or any faith, and do not wish that our [[Church|churches]] become club-houses or [[Film|cinemas]]. Bolshevism teaches the godlessness and acts accordingly. '''We National Socialists see in private property a higher level of human economic development that according to the differences in performance controls the management of what has been accomplished enabling and guaranteeing the advantage of a higher standard of living for everyone. Bolshevism destroys not only [[private property]] but also private initiative and the readiness to shoulder responsibility.''' It has not been able to save millions of human beings from [[starvation]] in Russia, the greatest Agrarian State in the world. It would be unthinkable to transfer such a catastrophe into Germany, because, at the end of the day, in Russia there are 10 city dwellers for every 90 country dwellers, but in Germany for only 25 farmers there are 75 city dwellers. National Socialists and Bolshevists both are convinced they are a world apart from each other and their differences can never be bridged. Apart from that, there were thousands of our people slain and maimed in the fight against Bolshevism. '''If Russia likes Bolshevism it is not our affair, but if Bolshevism casts its nets over to Germany, then we will fight it tooth and nail.''' **Speech made at the Reichstag (21 May 1935) Found in ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=r_-htwAACAAJ&dq=hitler+may+21+1935+speech&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwir0MTAmInWAhXPaCYKHaFIB2UQ6AEIJjAA Translation of Herr Hitler's Speech to the German Reichstag on May 21, 1935]'' Foreign Office Press. [https://archive.org/stream/RedeDesFhrersUndReichskanzlersAdolfHitlerVorDemReichstagAm21.Mai/MicrosoftWord-Ah19350521#page/n11/mode/2up German version]. Published in the [https://www.newspapers.com/newspage/499099390/ Windsor Star] and [https://www.newspapers.com/newspage/419582432/ The Gazette] in May 22, 1935. *Germany has nothing to win in any European war. What we want is [[freedom]] and independence. Because of this desire we were ready to conclude pacts of non-aggression with all our neighbours. **Speech in the Reichstag (21 May 1935), quoted in ''The Times'' (22 May 1935), p. 18 *Germany neither intends nor wishes to interfere in the internal affairs of [[Austria]], to annex Austria, or to conclude an [[w:Anschluss|Anschluss]]. **Speech in the Reichstag (21 May 1935), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 9 * Why do we call the whole world's attention to the fact that we have no past? It isn't enough that the [[Roman Empire|Romans]] were erecting great buildings when our forefathers were still living in mud huts; now [[Heinrich Himmler|Himmler]] is starting to dig up these villages of mud huts and enthusing over every potsherd and stone [[axe]] he finds. All we prove by that is that we were still throwing stone hatchets and crouching around open fires when [[Ancient Greece|Greece]] and [[Roman Civilization|Rome]] had already reached the highest stage of [[culture]]. We really should do our best to keep quiet about this past. Instead Himmler makes a great fuss about it all. The present-day [[Rome|Romans]] must be having a laugh at these revelations. ** Expounding his view on Himmler's heritage projects, formally pursued by the [[w:Ahnenerbe|Ahnenerbe]] movement launched in July 1935, as quoted in ''Inside the Third Reich: Memoirs by Albert Speer'', translated by Richard Winston and Clara Winston (New York: Macmillan, 1970), pp. 94-95 * Today women’s battalions were being formed in [[Marxism|Marxist]] countries, and to that one could only reply, “That will never happen here! There are things a man does, and he alone is responsible for them. I would be ashamed to be a German man if ever, in the event of war, but a single woman were made to go to the front.” The [[Women|woman]] had her own battlefield. With every [[Children|child]] to which she gave [[birth]] for the nation, she was waging her battle for the nation. The man stands up for the Volk just as woman stands up for the family. A [[Women's rights|woman’s equal rights]] lie in the fact that she is treated with the high regard she deserves in those areas of life assigned to her by nature. ** [http://der-fuehrer.org/reden/english/35-09-13.htm Address to the German women in Nuremberg], 13 September 1935 * We want this people to be faithful, and you must learn [[fidelity]]. We want this people to be obedient, and you must practice [[obedience]]. We want this people to be peace-loving but also courageous, and you must therefore be peace-loving and at the same time courageous. We do not want this people to grow soft, but we want it to be hard so that it will be able to withstand the hardships of life. And for this you have to harden yourselves in your youth. You must learn to be hard, to stand privations without breaking down. We want this people to love honor and you already in the days of your youth must live up to this concept of honor. ** Speech (14 September 1935), quoted in Gordon W. Prange (1945). ''Hitler's Words''. New York: American Council on Public Affairs, p. 124. *We have undertaken to give the German people an [[education]] that begins already in youth and will never come to an end. It starts with the [[Children|child]] and will end with the 'old fighter'. Nobody will be able to say that he has a time in which he is left entirely alone to himself. ** Nuremberg Party Rally (14 Sept. 1935) Quoted in ''Hitler: Speeches and Proclamations, 1931-1945, Chronicle of a Dictatorship'', Max Domarus (ed.), Vol. 2, London, p. 701. *Germany is the bulwark of the [[w:Western world|West]] against Bolshevism, and, in combating it, will meet [[Terrorism|terror]] with terror and [[violence]] with violence. **Speech in Berlin (29 November 1935), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 9 ==== From the film ''[[Triumph of the Will]]'' (1935) ==== * It is our will that this state shall endure for a thousand years. We are happy to know that the future is ours entirely! * We want this people to be hard, not soft, and you must steel yourselves for it in your youth! * We want a society with neither castes nor ranks and you must not allow these ideas to grow within you! * Our party remains as firm as this rock and will not be divided by any force in Germany. * When our party had only seven men, it already had two principles. First, it wanted to be a party with a true ideology. And second, it wanted to be the one and only power in Germany. * All upright Germans will be National Socialists, but only the best National Socialists will be party members! * It is not the state which commands us, but we who command the state. ===1936=== *We want to be a peace-loving element among the nations. We cannot repeat that often enough. **Speech in Berlin (30 January 1936), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 9 *The German people do not wish to continue waging war to readjust frontiers. Each readjustment is bought by sacrifices out of proportion to what is to be gained. **Speech in Berlin (15 March 1936), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 10 *I have been guided always by the principle that German freedom has nothing to do with injury to others. ... It is one of the most elementary principles that nations should allow each other to live within their own territories as they wish to live. **Speech in Berlin (22 March 1936), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 10 * Whenever I stand up for the German peasant, it is for the sake of the Volk. '''I have neither ancestral estate nor manor... I believe I am the only statesman in the world who does not have a bank account. I hold no stock, I have no shares in any companies. I do not draw any dividends.''' **Speech to the Krupp Locomotive factory workers in Essen (27 March 1936), quoted in [[w:Michael Burleigh|Michael Burleigh]], ''The Third Reich: A New History'' (Hill and Wang), 2001, p. 246 *Germany has no claims to make against the European nations except to live exactly like the others. ... What we have in mind is a legal order of European national states with equal rights. **Speech in Cologne (28 March 1936), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 10 *The lie goes forth again that Germany to-morrow or the other day will fall upon Austria or Czecho-Slovakia. **Speech in Berlin (1 May 1936), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 10 *The menace was Bolshevism. It was difficult to make people realize this, they think it is a fanatical obsession, but it was a real danger of which people should take account. It was as great a phenomenon in history and its menace to the national states of Europe as great as the migration of peoples, e.g. [[Muslim|Mohammedan]]. It was necessary for [[w:Western Europe|Western Europe]] to stand together as a block against this danger. **Remarks to [[David Lloyd George]] (4 September 1936), quoted in Thomas Jones, ''A Diary with Letters. 1931-1950'' (Oxford University Press, 1954), p. 245 * '''I only acknowledge one [[nobility]]—that of [[Work|labour]].''' ** Quoted in the Nazi Party official newspaper ''[[w:Völkischer Beobachter|Völkischer Beobachter]]'' (November 21, 1936), [[w: Richard Grunberger | Richard Grunberger]], ''The 12-year Reich: A Social History of Nazi Germany 1933–1945'' (1971) p. 47 ===1937=== [[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 102-10460, Adolf Hitler, Rednerposen.jpg|thumb|The main plank in the National Socialist program is to '''abolish the [[Liberalism|liberalistic]] concept of the [[Individuality|individual]]''' and the Marxist concept of [[humanity]] and to substitute therefore the folk community, rooted in the soil and bound together by the bond of its common blood.]] * The main plank in the National Socialist program is to '''abolish the [[Liberalism|liberalistic]] concept of the [[Individuality|individual]]''' and the Marxist concept of [[humanity]] and to substitute therefore the folk community, rooted in the soil and bound together by the bond of its common blood. ** ''[http://research.calvin.edu/german-propaganda-archive/hitler1.htm On National Socialism and World Relations]'', speech in the German Reichstag (January 30, 1937). German translation published by H. Müller & Sohn in Berlin. * '''Is there a nobler or more excellent kind of Socialism and is there a truer form of Democracy than this National Socialism''' which is so organized that through it each one among the millions of German boys is given the possibility of finding his way to the highest office in the nation, should it please Providence to come to his aid. ** Speech by Adolf Hitler, ''[http://research.calvin.edu/german-propaganda-archive/hitler1.htm On National Socialism and World Relations]'', delivered in the German Reichstag (January 30, 1937). German translation published by H. Müller & Sohn in Berlin. * And numerous people whose families belong to the peasantry and working classes are now filling prominent positions in this National Socialist State. Some of them actually hold the highest offices in the [[leadership]] of the nation, as Cabinet Ministers, ''[[w:Reichsstatthalter|Reichsstatthalter]]'' and ''[[w:Gauleiter|Gauleiter]]''. But '''National Socialism always bears in mind the interests of the people as a whole and not the interests of one class or another.''' The National Socialist Revolution has not aimed at turning a privileged class into a class which will have no rights in the future. Its aim has been to '''grant [[Human rights|equal rights]] to those social strata that hitherto were denied such rights.''' ** Speech by Adolf Hitler, ''[http://research.calvin.edu/german-propaganda-archive/hitler1.htm On National Socialism and World Relations]'', delivered in the German Reichstag (January 30, 1937). German translation published by H. Müller & Sohn in Berlin. * After four years from that date I now face the German people and you, gentlemen and members of the Reichstag, to give an account of what has been accomplished. On this occasion I do not think you will withhold your sanction from what the National Socialist Government has done and you will agree that I have fulfilled the promises I made four years ago. ** [http://der-fuehrer.org/reden/english/37-01-30.htm Speech to the Reichstag], 30 January 1937 * There can be but one German Youth Movement, because there is but one way in which German youth can be educated and trained... This Reich stands, and is building itself up anew, upon its youth. And this Reich will hand over its youth to no one, but will take its education and its formation upon itself. **Speech on May 1, 1937, quoted in [[w:John S. Conway (historian)|John S. Conway]], ''The Nazi Persecution of the Churches, 1933-45'' (New York, NY, Basic Books, 1968), p. 178 *We have set before ourselves the task of inoculating our youth ... at a very early age. ... This new Reich will give its youth to no one, but will itself take youth and give to youth its own education and its own upbringing. ** As quoted in ''The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich: A History of Nazi Germany,'' [[w:William L. Shirer | William L. Shirer]], Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, New York, 1990, p. 249 (May 1, 1937) * "Works of [[art]]" which cannot be understood in themselves but, for the justification of their existence, need those bombastic instructions for their use, finally reaching that intimidated soul, who is patiently willing to accept such stupid or impertinent nonsense—these works of art from now on will no longer find their way to the German people. ** Speech inaugurating the first [[w:Great German Art Exhibition|Great German Art Exhibition]] on July 18, 1937, translated by Ilse Falk and quoted in Herschel B. Chipp, [https://books.google.com/books?id=zvbyDtOaNVgC&pg=PA479&dq=%22works+of+art%22 ''Theories of Modern Art: A Source Book by Artists and Critics''] (University of California Press, 1968), p. 479 * I have observed among the pictures submitted here, quite a few paintings which make one actually come to the conclusion that the eye shows things differently to certain human beings than the way they really are, that is, that there really are men who see the present population of our nation only as rotten cretins; who, on principle, see meadows blue, skies green, clouds sulphur yellow, and so on, or, as they say, experience them as such. I do not want to enter into an argument here about the question of whether the persons concerned really do or do not see or feel in such a way; but, in the name of the German people, I want to forbid these pitiful misfortunates who quite obviously suffer from an eye disease, to try vehemently to foist these products of their misinterpretation upon the age we live in, or even to wish to present them as "[[Art]]." ** Speech inaugurating the first [[w:Great German Art Exhibition|Great German Art Exhibition]] on July 18, 1937, translated by Ilse Falk and quoted in Herschel B. Chipp, [https://books.google.com/books?id=zvbyDtOaNVgC&pg=PA480&dq=%22I+have+observed%22 ''Theories of Modern Art: A Source Book by Artists and Critics''] (University of California Press, 1968), p. 480 * There is a difference between the theoretical knowledge of socialism and the practical life of socialism. People are not born socialists, but must first be taught how to become them. ** "German Volksgenossen!" Hitler's opening speech at the new Winterhilfswerk, Deutschlandhalle, Berlin (October 5, 1937). Also quoted in ''{{w|The Third Reich: A New History}}'' by {{w|Michael Burleigh}} [https://books.google.com/books?id=l5gcZpnL5QUC&pg=PA224] *Shoot [[Mahatma Gandhi|Gandhi]], and if that does not suffice to reduce them to submission, shoot a dozen leading members of [[Indian National Congress|Congress]]; and if that does not suffice, shoot 200 and so on until order is established. You will see how quickly they will collapse as soon as you make it clear that you mean business. **Remarks to British government minister [[Edward Wood, 1st Earl of Halifax|Lord Halifax]] at Berchtesgaden (19 November 1937), quoted in Ivone Kirkpatrick, ''The Inner Circle'' (1959), p. 97 and Andrew Roberts, '''The Holy Fox': The Life of Lord Halifax'' (1997), p. 72 ===1938=== *There are more than ten million Germans in two states, and in the [[Great War]] they fought side by side with German soldiers. Against their will they have been prevented from union with the Reich. Political separation, however, does not justify the disregard of national self-determination. Just as [[British Empire|Britain]] stands up for her interests all over the globe, so Germany will know how to guard her more restricted interests. To these interests of the German Reich belongs the protection of those German peoples along our frontiers who are not in a position to secure their general human, political, and ''Weltanschauliche'' freedom by their own efforts. **Speech in the Reichstag (20 February 1938), quoted in Stephen H. Roberts, ''The House That Hitler Built'' (1945), p. 375 * The German people is no warlike nation. It is a soldierly one which means it does not want a war but does not fear it. It loves peace, but it also loves its honor and freedom. <br> The new Reich shall belong to no class, no profession, but to the German people. It shall help the people find an easier road in this world. It shall help them in making their lot a happier one. Party, state, [[Military|armed forces]], [[economics]] are institutions and functions which can only be estimated as a means toward an end. They will be judged by history according to the services they render toward this goal. Their purpose, however, is to serve the people. <br> I now pray to God that he will bless in the years to come our work, our deeds, our foresight, our resolve; that the almighty may protect us from both arrogance and cowardly servility, that he may help us find the right way which he has laid down for the German people and that he may always give us courage to do the right thing and never to falter or weaken before any power or any danger. <br> Long live Germany and the German people! ** [https://www.historycentral.com/HistoricalDocuments/Hitler'sSpeech.html Speech to the Reichstag], 20 February 1938 *Does anyone believe that there is an international [[conscience]]? **Speech in Leipzig (27 March 1938), quoted in Stephen H. Roberts, ''The House That Hitler Built'' (1945), p. 383 *[[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk|Atatürk]] was the first to show that it is possible to mobilize and regenerate the resources that a country has lost. In this respect Atatürk was a [[Teachers|teacher]]; [[Benito Mussolini|Mussolini]] was his first and I his second student. **Meeting with a delegation of Turkish politicians and journalists (20 April 1938), quoted in Stefan Ihrig, [https://www.docdroid.net/xaZwuc0/stefan-ihrig-ataturk-in-the-nazi-imagination-pdf#page=125 ''Atatürk in the Nazi Imagination'' (2014), p. 116] *The motto must be, "Never war again." **Speech in Berlin (1 May 1938), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 10 *We are not interested in suppressing other nations. We do not want to see other nations among us. We want to live our own life. ... Germany and Poland are two nations, and these nations will live, and neither of them will be able to do away with the other. ... We have assured all our immediate neighbours of the integrity of their territory as far as Germany is concerned. That is no hollow phrase: it is our sacred will. ... The Sudetenland is the last territorial claim which I have to make in [[Europe]]. ... I have assured [[Neville Chamberlain|Mr. Chamberlain]], and I emphasize it now, that when this problem is solved Germany has no more territorial problems in Europe. **Speech in Berlin (26 September 1938), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 10 *Now, as a strong State, we can be ready to pursue a policy of understanding with surrounding States. We want nothing from them. We have no wishes or demands; we desire peace. ... No other people can need peace more than we. **Speech in Saarbrücken (9 October 1938), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 10 * God helps only those who are prepared and determined to help themselves. ** [http://der-fuehrer.org/reden/english/38-11-06.htm Speech in Weimar], 6 November 1938 *As a peace-loving man, I have made every effort to give the German nation the defence and the weapons which are appropriate to persuade others also for peace. A hedgehog never attacks another animal except when it is attacked. No one should come near us. We want only our quiet and the right to live. **Speech in Weimar (6 November 1938), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 10 *'Socialist' I define from the word 'social; meaning in the main 'social equity'. A Socialist is one who serves the common good without giving up his individuality or personality or the product of his personal efficiency. '''Our adopted term 'Socialist' has nothing to do with Marxian Socialism. Marxism is anti-property; true socialism is not.''' Marxism places no value on the individual, or individual effort, of efficiency; true Socialism values the individual and encourages him in individual efficiency, at the same time holding that his interests as an individual must be in consonance with those of the community. All great [[Invention|inventions]], discoveries, achievements were first the product of an individual [[brain]]. It is charged against me that I am against property, that I am an atheist. Both charges are false. **Speech given on December 4, 1938, quoted in ''The Speeches of Adolf Hitler: April 1922-August 1939'', translator and editor Norman Hepburn Baynes, vol. one, Oxford University Press, (1942) pg. 93 at [https://books.google.com/books?id=PxZoAAAAMAAJ&q=Our+adopted+term+%27Socialist%27+has+nothing+to+do+with+Marxian+Socialism.+Marxism+is+anti-property;+true+Socialism+is+not.&dq=Our+adopted+term+%27Socialist%27+has+nothing+to+do+with+Marxian+Socialism.+Marxism+is+anti-property;+true+Socialism+is+not.&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjP_pa_xcLYAhVPRN8KHRk2CKsQ6AEIPjAE] *There are people who have a true talent to spoil my every joy. **regarding [[Martin Bormann]] according to [[Heinrich Hoffman]] in his book "Hitler as I Saw Him", after Bormann forbid Bernile Nienau from appearing in Hoffman's magazine Berghof and Hoffman complained about it to Hitler ===1939=== ====January 1939==== *We are going to destroy the Jews. They are not going to get away with what they did on 9 November 1918. The day of reckoning has come. **To the Czechoslovakian foreign minister (January 21, 1939) quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=K2pVlpLqmPAC&pg=PA130&lpg=PA130&dq=We+are+going+to+destroy+the+Jews.+They+are+not+going+to+get+away+with+what+they+did+on+9+November+1918.&source=bl&ots=z9H6ZVZY0C&sig=iG-hsqk8dUMTrdadIxa3m5cOYsY&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjBpar5nZbXAhVH7CYKHVq_DOwQ6AEIJzAA#v=onepage&q=We%20are%20going%20to%20destroy%20the%20Jews.%20They%20are%20not%20going%20to%20get%20away%20with%20what%20they%20did%20on%209%20November%201918.&f=false Sarah Ann Gordon, Hitler, Germans, and the "Jewish Question" pg. 130] *When the statesmen of other countries threaten us with all kinds of economic counter measures I can only give the assurance that in such a case a desperate economic struggle would ensue which would be easy for us to carry out, easier for us than for the over-satisfied nations, because our leading idea would be a very simple one: The German nation must live—that means '''export or die'''. **Speech to the Reichstag (30 January 1939), quoted in ''The Times'' (31 January 1939), p. 14 * In the course of my life I have very often been a prophet, and have usually been ridiculed for it. During the time of my struggle for power it was in the first instance only the Jewish race that received my [[Prophecy|prophecies]] with laughter when I said that I would one day take over the leadership of the State, and with it that of the whole nation, and that I would then among other things settle the Jewish problem. Their laughter was uproarious, but I think that for some time now they have been laughing on the other side of their face. Today I will once more be a [[prophet]]: '''if the international Jewish financiers in and outside Europe should succeed in plunging the nations once more into a [[w:World war|world war]], then the result will not be the Bolshevizing of the earth, and thus the victory of Jewry, but the annihilation of the Jewish race in Europe!''' ** Speech to the Reichstag, (30 January 1939), as quoted at [http://www.historyplace.com/worldwar2/timeline/threat.htm The History Place]. ====April 1939==== *We are [[w:German rearmament|rearming]], but do not dream of attacking other nations, providing they leave us alone. ... We have given [[Central Europe]] a great fortune—namely, peace, which is protected by the German might. **Speech in Wilhelmshaven (1 April 1939), quoted in ''The Times'' (26 September 1939), p. 10 [[File:Bundesarchiv_Bild_183-1987-0410-503,_N%C3%BCrnberg,_Reichsparteitag,_Wehrmachts-Aufmarsch.jpg|thumb|The judgment whether a people is [[public opinion|virtuous or not virtuous]] can hardly be passed by a human being. That should be left to [[God]]. ([[Adolf_Hitler#April_1939|April 1939]])]] * If the world says today that the nations must be divided into virtuous nations and into such as are not virtuous - and that the English and French belong to the first class, and the Germans and Italians belong to those not virtuous - we can only answer: The judgment whether a people is virtuous or not virtuous can hardly be passed by a human being. That should be left to [[God]]. : Perhaps the same British statesman will retort: 'God has passed the verdict already, because He presented the virtuous nations with one quarter of the world and He took everything away from the nonvirtuous!' : The question may be permitted: 'By what means have the virtuous nations obtained for themselves this quarter of the world?' : And one must answer: 'They did not apply virtuous methods!' ** Speech delivered at Wilhelmshaven 1 April 1939; ''My New Order''. New York: Reynal & Hitchcock. p. 621. ====May 1939==== *The liberty of the individual ends where it starts to harm the interests of the [[Collectivism|collective]]. **[http://der-fuehrer.org/reden/english/39-05-01.htm Speech] in the Lustgarten, Berlin (1 May 1939) *Everything I undertake is directed against [[Russia]]. If the West is too stupid and [[Blindness|blind]] to grasp this, then I shall be compelled to come to an [[Germany–Russia relations|agreement with Russia]], beat the West and then after their [[Failure|defeat]] turn against the [[Soviet Union]] with all my forces. I need the [[Ukraine]] so that they can't starve us out, as happened in the last war. **Discussion with Jacob Burckhardt, League of Nation commissioner. Quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=1nPPbpXUZA0C&pg=PA126&dq=hitler+is+against+russia+the+west&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjR3PP6n5bXAhVC6CYKHTKJB3EQ6AEISjAG#v=onepage&q=hitler%20is%20against%20russia%20the%20west&f=false Norman Rich, Hitler's War Aims: Ideology, the Nazi State, and the Course of Expansion pg. 126] * What is important is that our Volk overcomes the aggressor and hence wins a future for itself. In a few weeks, the National Socialist combat readiness must have transformed itself into a unity sworn unto life and death. And then the capitalist war agitators in England and its satellite states shall shortly realize what it means to have attacked Europe's greatest Volk state without proper cause. ** As quoted in ''{{w|Hitler: Speeches and Proclamations}}'' by {{w|Max Domarus}} [https://books.google.com/books?id=5tdVAAAAYAAJ] ====August 1939==== * [[England]], unlike in 1914, will not allow herself to blunder into a war lasting for years... Such is the fate of rich countries... Not even England has the money nowadays to fight a world war. What should England fight for? You don't get yourself killed for an ally. ** 14 August 1939, ''The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich'' by William L. Shirer *Our [[enemies]] are men below average, not men of action, not masters. They are little worms. I saw them at Munich. **Speech to his generals at the Berghof (22 August 1939), quoted in John W. Wheeler-Bennett, ''The Nemesis of Power: The German Army in Politics 1918-1945'' (London: Macmillan, 1964), p. 447 *In view of the gravity of the situation, I wish to make a statement which I would like you to forward to [[Édouard Daladier|M. Daladier]].<br>As I have already told him, I bear no enmity whatever towards France.<br>I have personally renounced all claims to Alsace-Lorraine and recognized the Franco-German frontier.<br>I do not want war with your country; my one desire is to maintain good relations with it.<br>I find indeed the idea that I might have to fight France on account of Poland a very painful one.<br>The Polish provocation, however, has placed the Reich in a position which cannot be allowed to continue.<br>Several months ago I made extremely fair proposals to Poland, demanding the return of Danzig to the Reich and of a narrow strip of territory leading from this German city to [[w:East_Prussia|East Prussia]].<br>But the guarantee given by the [[Government of the United Kingdom|British Government]] has encouraged the Poles to be obstinate.<br>Not only has the Warsaw Government rejected my proposals, but it has subjected the German minority, our blood-brothers, to the worst possible treatment, and has begun mobilization.<br>At first, I forbade the Press of the Reich to publish accounts of the cruelties suffered by the Germans in Poland.<br>But the situation has now become intolerable.<br>Are you aware, that there have been cases of castration?<br>That already there are more than 70,000 refugees in our camps?<br>Yesterday seven Germans were killed by the police in Bielitz, and thirty German reservists were machine-gunned at Lodz.<br>Our [[Airplane|aeroplanes]] can no longer fly between Germany and East Prussia without being shot at; their route had been changed, but they are now even attacked over the sea.<br>Thus, the plane which was carrying State Secretary Stuckart was fired at by Polish warships, a fresh incident which I was not yet in a position to bring to the notice of Sir [[Nevile Henderson]] this morning.<br>No nation worthy of the name can put up with such unbearable insults.<br>France would not tolerate it any more than Germany.<br>These things have gone on long enough, and I will reply by force to any further provocations.<br>I want to state once again: I wish to avoid war with your country.<br>I will not attack France, but if she joins in the conflict, I will see it through to the bitter end.<br>As you are aware, I have just concluded a pact with Moscow that is not only theoretical, but, I may say, practical.<br>I believe I shall win, and you believe you will win: what is certain is that above all French and German blood will flow, the blood of two equally courageous peoples.<br>I say again, it is painful to me to think we might come to that. Please tell this to President Daladier on my behalf. **25 August 1939 summary conveyed by [http://www.ibiblio.org/pha/fyb/part_6b.html#242 M. COULONDRE, French Ambassador in Berlin, to M. GEORGES BONNET, Minister for Foreign Affairs] ====September 1939==== *To the defense forces: The Polish nation has refused my efforts for a peaceful regulation of neighborly relationsl instead it has appealed to weapons. **reported [https://www.nytimes.com/1939/09/01/archives/hitler-gives-word-in-a-proclamation-he-accuses-warsaw-of-appeal-to.html 1 September 1939] (the full proclamation available [http://timesmachine.nytimes.com/timesmachine/1939/09/01/90734667.html via the TimesMachine]) in ''The New York Times'' "Hitler Gives Word" special cable from [[Otto D. Tolischus]] who was later awarded the Pulitzer prize in 1940 "for his dispatches from Berlin" (referenced in page 28 of 2021 book ''The Gray Lady Winked'') *We know that the [[English people]] in their entirety cannot be held responsible for all this. Rather it is the aforesaid Jewish-[[Plutocracy|plutocratic]] and democratic upper class who would like to '''conceive of the rest of the world as obedient [[Slavery|slaves]]; who hate our new Reich because it sees it as a pioneer of social work which it fears might infect their countries as well.''' **Speech, [http://www.nommeraadio.ee/meedia/pdf/RRS/Adolf%20Hitler%20-%20Collection%20of%20Speeches%20-%201922-1945.pdf "Appeal to the German Volk!"] ''Adolf Hitler: Collection of Speeches 1922-1945'' (3 September 1939) p. 621 =====[[w:1 September 1939 Reichstag speech|Reichstag speech declaring war against Poland (1 September 1939)]]===== [[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-E10402, Berlin, Reichstagssitzung, Rede Adolf Hitler.jpg|thumb|I am determined ... to see to it that a [[change]] is made in the relationship between [[Germany]] and [[Poland]] that shall ensure a peaceful co-existence.]] [[File:Polish victim of German Luftwaffe action 1939.jpg|thumb|... I will not war against [[women]] and [[children]]. I have ordered my air force to restrict itself to attacks on [[military]] objectives.]] [[File:Battle of Poland.png|thumb|Whoever departs from the rules of [[humane]] [[warfare]] can only expect that we shall do the same. I will continue this struggle, no matter against whom, until the safety of [[w:Nazi Germany|the Reich]] and its rights are secured.]] :<small> Declaration of war against [[Poland]] at the start of the [[w:Invasion of Poland|Invasion of Poland]], and what became [[World War II]] · [https://fcit.usf.edu/holocaust/resource/document/HITLER1.htm Full English translation online] </small> * I am determined to solve (1) the Danzig question; (2) the question of the Corridor; and (3) to see to it that a [[change]] is made in the relationship between [[Germany]] and [[Poland]] that shall ensure a peaceful co-existence. In this I am resolved to continue to fight until either the present Polish government is willing to continue to bring about this change or until another Polish Government is ready to do so. I am resolved to remove from the German frontiers the element of uncertainty, the everlasting atmosphere of conditions resembling civil war. I will see to it that in the East there is, on the frontier, a peace precisely similar to that on our other frontiers. <br /> In this I will take the necessary measures to se that they do not contradict the proposals I have already made known in the [[w:Reichstag_(Nazi_Germany)|Reichstag]] itself to the rest of the world, that is to say, I will not war against [[women]] and [[children]]. I have ordered my air force to restrict itself to attacks on [[military]] objectives. If, however, the enemy thinks he can form that draw carte blanche on his side to fight by the other methods he will receive an answer that will deprive him of hearing and sight. * This night for the first time Polish regular soldiers fired on our territory. Since 5.45 A.M. we have been returning the fire, and from now on bombs will be met by bombs. Whoever fight with [[w:Poison_gas|poison gas]] will be fought with poison gas. Whoever departs from the rules of [[humane]] [[warfare]] can only expect that we shall do the same. I will continue this struggle, no matter against whom, until the safety of [[w:Nazi Germany|the Reich]] and its rights are secured. ====November 1939==== *What they hate is the Germany which sets a dangerous example for them, this social Germany. It is the Germany of a social labor legislation which they already hated before the World War and which they still hate today. It is the Germany of [[Welfare state|social welfare]], of social equality, of the elimination of [[Class conflict|class differences]]—this is what they hate! They hate this Germany which in the course of seven years has labored to afford its [[w:Volksgenossen|Volksgenossen]] a decent life. They hate this Germany which has eliminated unemployment, which, in spite of all their wealth, they have not been able to eliminate. This Germany which grants its laborers decent [[House|housing]]—this is what they hate because they have a feeling their own peoples could be "infected" thereby. They hate this Germany of social legislation, this Germany which celebrates the first of May as the day of honest labor. **[http://www.nommeraadio.ee/meedia/pdf/RRS/Adolf%20Hitler%20-%20Collection%20of%20Speeches%20-%201922-1945.pdf Speech "Party Comrades! My German Volksgenossen!] at the Bürgerbräukeller in Munich (8 November 1939) pp. 664-665 ===1940=== * The [[w:Molotov–Ribbentrop Pact|Non-Aggression and Mutual Assistance Pact]] with the [[Soviet Union]] constituted the most outstanding feature of the year now past. From the outset, the attempt of the plutocratic statesmen of the West to pit Germany and Russia against each other was foiled;... '''[T]he reactionary Jewish warmongers in the [[Capitalism|capitalist]] democracies were not willing to let this opportunity to destroy Germany pass: too long had they prepared for this.''' For years they had waited for this hour. These Herren warmongers wanted war: they were to get it. **Speech, [http://www.nommeraadio.ee/meedia/pdf/RRS/Adolf%20Hitler%20-%20Collection%20of%20Speeches%20-%201922-1945.pdf "New Year's Proclamation to the National Socialists and Party Comrades"], ''Adolf Hitler: Collection of Speeches 1922-1945'' (1 January 1940) pp. 678-679 *Then the spirits of our fallen comrades shall rise from their graves to thank all those whose courage and loyalty have now once more atoned for the [[Sin|sins]] committed in an hour of weakness against them and against our Volk. Let our avowal of faith on this day be a solemn oath: the war forced upon the [[w:Greater German Reich|Greater German Reich]] by the capitalist rulers of France and England must be transformed into the most glorious victory in German history! **[http://www.nommeraadio.ee/meedia/pdf/RRS/Adolf%20Hitler%20-%20Collection%20of%20Speeches%20-%201922-1945.pdf Speech in the Berlin Zeughaus] (March 10, 1940) p. 699 * The blood of every single Englishman is too valuable to shed. Our two peoples belong together racially and traditionally. That is and always has been my aim, even if our generals can't grasp it. ** Said when the Dunkirk halt order was given, quoted in ''Hitler, Germans, and the "Jewish Question"'' by Sarah Ann Gordon, May 1940{{page needed}} *The National Socialist Movement has, besides its delivery from the Jewish capitalist shackles imposed by a plutocratic-democratic, dwindling class of exploiters at home, pronounced its resolve to free the Reich from the shackles of the Diktat of Versailles abroad. The German demands for a revision were an absolute necessity, a matter of course for the existence and the honor of any great people. [[Posterity]] will some day come to regard them as exceedingly modest.<br>..<br>I was scolded for my peace proposal, even personally insulted. '''[[Neville Chamberlain|Mr. Chamberlain]] virtually spat in my face before the world public and declined to even talk of peace... And it was thus that the big capitalist clique of war profiteers cried for a continuation of the war. And this continuation has now begun.''' **Speech to the Reichstag [http://www.nommeraadio.ee/meedia/pdf/RRS/Adolf%20Hitler%20-%20Collection%20of%20Speeches%20-%201922-1945.pdf "Deputies, Men of the German Reichstag!"] (July 19, 1940) pp. 712-713 * We want to build up a new state! That is why the others hate us so much today. They have often said as much. They said: "Yes, their social experiment is very dangerous! If it takes hold, and our own workers come to see this too, then this will be highly disquieting. It costs billions and does not bring any results. It cannot be expressed in terms of profit, nor of dividends. What is the point?! We are not interested in such a development. We welcome everything which serves the material progress of mankind insofar as this progress translates into economic [[profit]]. But social experiments, all they are doing there, this can only lead to the awakening of greed in the masses. Then we will have to descend from our pedestal. They cannot expect this of us." And we were seen as setting a bad example. Any institution we conceived was rejected, as it served social purposes. They already regarded this as a concession on the way to social legislation and thereby to the type of social development these states loathe. They are, after all, [[Plutocracy|plutocracies]] in which a tiny clique of capitalists dominate the masses, and this, naturally, in close cooperation with international Jews and [[Freemasonry|Freemasons]]. **[[Wikisource:Adolf Hitler's Address at the Opening of the Winter Relief Campaign (4 September 1940)|Speech at the Berlin Sportpalast on the opening of the Kriegswinterhilfswerk]], September 4, 1940, Adolf Hitler collection of speeches 1922-1945 * After mastering its internal divisions, National Socialist Germany has proceeded step by step to cast off its enslavement.... Nevertheless, the Jewish-internationalist capitalists in connection with socially reactionary classes in the Western States have successfully roused the world democracies against Germany. ** As quoted in ''{{w|The Third Reich: A New History}}'' by {{w|Michael Burleigh}}, p.1909 * After the [[w:Operation_Sea_Lion|conquest of England]], the [[British Empire]] would be apportioned as a gigantic world-wide estate in [[bankruptcy]] of forty million square kilometres. In this bankrupt estate there would be for Russia access to the ice-free and really open [[Oceans|ocean]]. Thus far, a minority of forty-five million [[Englishmen]] had ruled six hundred million inhabitants of the British Empire. He was about to crush this minority.... Under these circumstances there arose world-wide perspectives.... All the countries which could possibly be interested in the bankrupt estate would have to stop all controversies among themselves and concern themselves exclusively with the partition of the British Empire. This applied to [[Germany]], [[France]], [[Italy]], [[Russia]] and [[Japan]]. ** To Vyacheslav Molotov, 13 November 1940, quoted in ''The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich'' *After all, there are two worlds which confront each other. And they are right when they say: 'We can never reconcile ourselves to the National Socialist world.' For how could a narrow-minded capitalist possibly declare his agreement with my principles? It would be easier for the devil to go to church and take holy water. **[http://www.nommeraadio.ee/meedia/pdf/RRS/Adolf%20Hitler%20-%20Collection%20of%20Speeches%20-%201922-1945.pdf "Speech To Workers of Berlin," (Rheinmetall-Borsig works)], ''Adolf Hitler: Collection of Speeches 1922-1945'' (December 10, 1940) p. 747 * '''The creation of a socially just state, a model society that would continue to eradicate all social barriers.''' ** Speech to workers at Berlin's Rheinmetall-Borsig factory, Oct. 10, 1940. As quoted in, ''Hitler's Beneficiaries: Plunder, Racial War, and the Nazi Welfare State'', [[w:Götz Aly | Götz Aly]], New York: NY, Metropolitan Books (2007) p. 13. [https://books.google.com/books?id=hOIpGubiiZYC&pg=PA13] * In those countries, it is actually capital that rules; that is, nothing more than a clique of a few hundred men who possess untold wealth and, as a consequence of the peculiar structure of their national life, are more or less independent and free. They say: 'Here we have liberty.' By this they mean, above all, an uncontrolled economy, and by an uncontrolled economy, the freedom not only to acquire capital but to make absolutely free use of it. That means freedom from national control or control by the people both in the acquisition of capital and in its employment. This is really what they mean when they speak of liberty. These capitalists create their own press and then speak of the 'freedom of the press.' In reality, every one of the newspapers has a master, and in every case this master is the capitalist, the owner. This master, not the editor, is the one who directs the policy of the paper. If the editor tries to write other than what suits the master, he is ousted the next day. This press, which is the absolutely submissive and characterless slave of the owners, molds public opinion.<br>..<br>Yes, certainly, we jeopardize the liberty to profiteer at the expense of the community, and, if necessary, we even abolish it.<br>..<br>'''All my life I have been a 'have-not.' At home I was a 'have-not.' I regard myself as belonging to them and have always fought exclusively for them.''' I defended them and, therefore, I stand before the world as their representative. ** Speech to the Workers of Berlin (10 December 1940) ([[Wikisource:Adolf Hitler's Speech to the Workers of Berlin (10 December 1940)|Wikisource]]) * Truly, this earth is a trophy cup for the industrious man. And this rightly so, in the service of natural selection. He who does not possess the force to secure his [[w:Lebensraum|Lebensraum]] in this world, and, if necessary, to enlarge it, does not deserve to possess the necessities of life. He must step aside and allow stronger peoples to pass him by. ** Speech to officer cadets at the [[w:Berlin Sportpalast|Berlin Sportpalast]], 18 December 1940. {{cite book| title = Hitler: Speeches and Proclamations, 1932-1945 (English Volume III: 1939-1940) | last = Domarus |first = Max | authorlink = Max Domarus |publisher = Bolchazy-Carducci Publishers | year = 1997|page=2162 |isbn = 0865166277 }} ====Hitler and I (1940)==== :quotes from unspecified earlier dates per [[w:Otto Strasser|Otto Strasser]], Boston, MA, Houghton Mifflin Company (1940) * '''I am a socialist, and a very different kind of socialist from your rich friend Reventlow.''' I was once an ordinary workingman... But your kind of socialism is nothing but [[Marxism]]. **p. 106 * A strong State will see that production is carried on in the national interests, and, if these interests are contravened, can proceed to expropriate the enterprise concerned and take over its administration. **pp. 113-114 ===1941=== *The German world, as well as the [[Italy|Italian]] world, has overcome the age of the privileges of a few plutocratic capitalists and has replaced it with the age of the people. If [[Winston Churchill|Mr. Churchill]] and his appendage now declare that they cannot live in such a world, then they will not destroy the German world as a result, but instead, sooner or later, their own leaders will fall and thus give the people their freedom. In the struggle of plutocratic privilege against the National Socialist people's rights (''Volksrechte''), the latter will succeed! With this belief, we enter the year 1941. **Speech, [http://www.nommeraadio.ee/meedia/pdf/RRS/Adolf%20Hitler%20-%20Collection%20of%20Speeches%20-%201922-1945.pdf "New Year's Proclamation to the National Socialists and Party Comrades"], ''Adolf Hitler: Collection of Speeches 1922-1945'' (January 1, 1941) pp. 763-764 *And justice is on the side of those nations that fight for their threatened existence. And this struggle for existence will spur these nations on to the most tremendous accomplishments in [[w:World history|world history]]. If profit is the driving force for [[production]] in the democracies—a profit that industrialists, bankers, and corrupt politicians pocket—then the driving force in National Socialist Germany and Fascist Italy is the realization by millions of laborers that, in this war, it is they who are being fought against. '''They realize that the democracies, if they should ever win, would rage with the full capitalist [[cruelty]], that cruelty of which only those are capable whose only god is [[gold]], who know no human sentiments other than their obsession with profit, and who are ready to sacrifice all noble thought to this profit instinct without hesitation...''' This struggle is not an attack on the rights of other nations, but on the arrogance and avarice of a narrow capitalist upper class, one which refuses to acknowledge that the days are over when gold ruled the world, and that, by contrast, a future is dawning when the people will be the determining force in the life of a nation. **Speech, [http://www.nommeraadio.ee/meedia/pdf/RRS/Adolf%20Hitler%20-%20Collection%20of%20Speeches%20-%201922-1945.pdf "New Year's Proclamation to the National Socialists and Party Comrades"], ''Adolf Hitler: Collection of Speeches 1922-1945'' (January 1, 1941) pp. 764-765 * Germany's economic policy is conducted exclusively in accordance with the interests of the German people. In this respect '''I am a fanatical socialist, one who has ever in mind the interests of all his people.''' **[https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Adolf_Hitler%27s_Speech_on_the_21st_Anniversary_of_the_National_Socialist_Party_(24_February_1941) Speech on the 21st Anniversary of the National Socialist Party (24 February 1941)] * I purchase the necessities of life with the productive power of German workmen. The results of our economic policy speak for us, not for the [[Gold standard |gold standard]] people. For we, the poor have abolished unemployment because we no longer pay homage to this madness, because we regard [[Economy of Germany|our entire economic existence]] as a production problem and no longer as a [[Capitalism|capitalistic]] problem. We placed the whole organized strength of the nation, the discipline of the entire nation, behind our economic policy. '''We explained to the nation that it was madness to wage internal economic wars between the various classes, in which they all perish together.''' **[https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Adolf_Hitler%27s_Speech_on_the_21st_Anniversary_of_the_National_Socialist_Party_(24_February_1941) Speech on the "21st Anniversary of the National Socialist Party"] (24 February 1941) *''' It is already war history how the German Armies defeated the legions of [[W:Themes in Nazi propaganda#Capitalists|capitalism and plutocracy]].''' After forty-five days this campaign in the West was equally and emphatically terminated. **[http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/adolf-hitler-order-of-the-day-calling-for-invasion-of-yugoslovia-and-greece-april-1941 Berlin: Hitler's Order of the Day Calling for Invasion of Yugoslavia and Greece] (April 6, 1941) * What the world did not deem possible the German people have achieved.... It is already war history how the German Armies defeated the legions of capitalism and plutocracy. After forty-five days this campaign in the West was equally and emphatically terminated. ** "Adolf Hitler's Order of the Day Calling for Invasion of Yugoslavia and Greece," Berlin, (April 6, 1941), ''The New York Times'', April 7, 1941 *'''My party at the time consisted of ninety per cent of people from the left.''' **Monologue on Nov. 30, 1941, Rainer Zitelmann, “The role of anti-capitalism in Hitler's world view,” Wiley Online Library, Nov. 13, 2022, Hitler, A. (1980b), p. 146, Monologe im Führerhauptquartier 1941–1944 (ed. W. Jochmann). Albrecht Knaus Verlag. * For over five years this man has been chasing around Europe like a madman in search of something he could set on fire. Unfortunately he again and again finds hirelings who open the gates of their country to this international incendiary. ** speaking about [[Winston Churchill]] at the [[w:Reichstag (Nazi Germany)|Reichstag]], 4 May 1941 [http://humanitas-international.org/showcase/chronography/speeches/1941-05-04.html]. * [[Ottoman Empire|Turkey]] had been our ally in the [[World War I|World War]]. Its unfortunate result was as heavy a burden for Turkey as it was for us. The great and ingenious reconstructor of the new Turkey gave his Allies, beaten by fate, the first example of resurrection. While Turkey, thanks to the realistic attitude of her State leadership, preserved her independent attitude [[Yugoslavia]] fell a victim to [[United Kingdom|British]] intrigues. ** speaking about [[Turkey]] and [[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk]] at the [[w:Reichstag (Nazi Germany)|Reichstag]] [[s:Adolf Hitler's Address to the Reichstag (4 May 1941)|on 4 May 1941]]. * The war against Russia will be such that it cannot be conducted in a knightly fashion. This struggle is one of ideologies and racial differences and will have to be conducted with unprecedented, unmerciful, and unrelenting [[Harsh|harshness]]. All officers will have to rid themselves of obsolete ideologies. I know that the necessity for such means of waging war is beyond the comprehension of you generals but . . . I insist absolutely that my orders be executed without contradiction. ** Speaking about the invasion of Russia [http://mentalfloss.com/article/28033/operation-barbarossa-biggest-military-adventure-history]. * I, on the other hand, have tried for two decades to build a new socialist order in Germany, with a minimum of interference and without harming our productive capacity. ** Hitler's "Barbarossa" Proclamation, (June 22, 1941) [http://research.calvin.edu/german-propaganda-archive/hitler4.htm] *German people, in this very hour a movement of troops is taking place which in its extent and magnitude is the greatest that the world has ever seen. ... The task of this front is no longer the protection of individual countries but the safety of Europe and the salvation of us all. I have therefore decided to-day once again to entrust the fate and the future of the German Reich and of our nation to the hands of our soldiers. May our Lord God aid us in this greatest of all struggles. **Proclamation (22 June 1941), quoted in ''The Times'' (23 June 1941), p. 3 * When National Socialism has ruled long enough, it will no longer be possible to conceive of a form of life different from ours. <br> In the long run, National Socialism and religion will no longer be able to exist together. ** 11-12 July 1941, quoted in ''Hitler's Table Talk, 1941–1944'' * The heaviest blow that ever struck humanity was the [[Spread of Christianity|coming of Christianity]]. Bolshevism is Christianity's illegitimate child. Both are inventions of the Jew. The deliberate lie in the matter of religion was introduced into the world by Christianity. Bolshevism practises a lie of the same nature, when it claims to bring liberty to men, whereas in reality it seeks only to enslave them. In the ancient world, the relations between men and gods were founded on an instinctive respect. It was a world enlightened by the idea of [[tolerance]]. Christianity was the first creed in the world to exterminate its adversaries in the name of love. Its key-note is intolerance. <br> Without Christianity, we should not have had [[Islam]]. The [[Roman Empire]], under Germanic influence, would have developed in the direction of [[World domination|world-domination]], and humanity would not have extinguished fifteen centuries of civilisation at a single stroke. <br> Let it not be said that Christianity brought man the life of the soul, for that evolution was in the natural order of things. ** 11-12 July 1941, quoted in ''Hitler's Table Talk, 1941–1944'' * If I had known that the figures for Russian [[tank]] strength which you gave in your book were in fact the true ones, I would not—I believe—ever have started this war. ** Said to General Heinz Guderian, 4 August 1941, as quoted ''Panzer Leader'' (1952) by Heinz Guderian *[T]he [[w:Raw materials|raw materials]] and [[agriculture]] of the [[Ukraine]] were vitally necessary for the future prosecution of the war. ... [the Crimea is] that Soviet [[w:Aircraft carrier|aircraft carrier]] for attacking the [[Romania|Rumanian]] [[Oil|oilfields]]. ... My generals know nothing about the economic aspects of war. **Remarks to General Guderian (23 August 1941), quoted in Heinz Guderian, ''Panzer Leader'' (1952), p. 200 * I did not want this struggle. Since January, 1933, when Providence entrusted me with the leadership of the German Reich, I had an aim before my eyes which was essentially incorporated in [[w:National Socialist Program|the program of our National Socialist party]]. I have never been disloyal to this aim and have never abandoned my program... Only when the entire German people become a single community of sacrifice can we expect and hope that Almighty God will help us. The Almighty has never helped a lazy man. He does not help the coward. He does not help a people that cannot help itself. The principle applies here, help yourselves and Almighty God will not deny you his assistance. *If the friendship of [[England]] could not be won by the measures I had taken and the advances I had made, then it could never be won in the future. There was no other choice then but to fight. *[on the invasion of the [[Soviet Union]]] Everything since then has proceeded according to plan. During the whole period the initiative has not been taken even for a second out of the hand of our leadership. Up to the present day every action has developed just as much according to plan as formerly in the east against [[Poland]] and then against the west and finally against the [[Balkans]]. ** Radio broadcast from Berlin, 3 October 1941. [http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/adolf-hitler-broadcast-to-the-german-people-on-the-winter-help-scheme-october-1941], Jewish Virtual Library **[[s:Adolf_Hitler_Explains_His_Reasons_for_Invading_the_Soviet_Union|Adolf Hitler Explains His Reasons for Invading the Soviet Union]], Wikisource transcipt of speech * By virtue of an inherent law, these riches belong to him who conquers them. The great migrations set out from the East. With us begins the ebb, from West to East. That's in accordance with the laws of nature. By means of struggle, the élites are continually renewed. The law of selection justifies this incessant struggle, by allowing the survival of the fittest. Christianity is a rebellion against [[natural law]], a protest against [[nature]]. Taken to its logical extreme, Christianity would mean the systematic cultivation of the human failure. ** 10 October 1941, quoted in ''Hitler's Table Talk, 1941–1944'' *There is only one duty: to Germanise this country [the [[East/Central Europe|East]]] by the [[Settler colonialism|immigration of Germans]], and to look upon the natives as [[Indigenous peoples|Redskins]]. **Secret conversation October 17, 1941 quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=J1g7pxIrctQC&pg=PA703&lpg=PA703&dq='There+is+only+one+duty:+to+Germanize+%5B%E2%80%9Cthe+East%E2%80%9D%5D+by+the+immigration+of+Germans,+and+to+look+upon+the+natives+as+Redskins&source=bl&ots=ivCFt6jbTz&sig=NNM68pyr1zvuOQHh98r1XK0XlL0&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwillfzazpTXAhXFyyYKHblIApYQ6AEIMjAC#v=onepage&q='There%20is%20only%20one%20duty%3A%20to%20Germanize%20%5B%E2%80%9Cthe%20East%E2%80%9D%5D%20by%20the%20immigration%20of%20Germans%2C%20and%20to%20look%20upon%20the%20natives%20as%20Redskins&f=false World History, Volume 1 pg. 703] and [https://www.ushmm.org/wlc/en/article.php?ModuleId=10008219 The Holocaust Encyclopedia] * The reason why the [[Antiquity|ancient world]] was so pure, light and serene was that it knew nothing of the two great scourges: the pox and Christianity. Christianity is a prototype of Bolshevism: the mobilisation by the Jew of the masses of [[Slavery|slaves]] with the object of undermining society. Thus one understands that the healthy elements of the Roman world were proof against this doctrine. Yet Rome to-day allows itself to reproach Bolshevism with having destroyed the Christian churches! As if Christianity hadn't behaved in the same way towards the pagan temples. ** 19 October 1941, quoted in ''Hitler's Table Talk, 1941–1944'' * But Christianity is an invention of sick [[Brain|brains]]: one could imagine nothing more senseless, nor any more indecent way of turning the idea of the godhead into a mockery. ** 13 December 1941, quoted in ''Hitler's Table Talk, 1941–1944'' * Pure Christianity—the Christianity of the catacombs—is concerned with translating the Christian doctrine into facts. It leads quite simply to the annihilation of mankind. It is merely whole-hearted Bolshevism, under a tinsel of [[metaphysics]]. ** 14 December 1941, quoted in ''Hitler's Table Talk, 1941–1944'' ====Reichstag speech declaring war against the United States (11 December 1941)==== :<small>[http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/hitler-s-speech-declaring-war-against-the-united-states "Speech Declaring War Against the United States"] at ''Jewish Virtual Library''</small> * National-Socialism came to power in Germany in the same year as [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Roosevelt]] was elected [[President of the United States|President]] … Roosevelt comes from a rich family and belongs to the class whose path is smoothed in the Democracies. I am only the child of a small, poor family and had to fight my way by work and industry. When the Great War came, Roosevelt occupied a position where he got to know only its pleasant consequences, enjoyed by those who do business while others bleed … I shared the fate of millions, and Franklin Roosevelt only the fate of the so-called Upper Ten Thousand … he made profits out of the [[inflation]], out of the misery of others, while I, together with many hundreds of thousands more, lay in hospital. * When Churchill and Roosevelt state that they want to build up a new [[social order]], later on, it is like a hairdresser with a bald head recommending an unfortunate hair-restorer. These men, who live in the most socially backward states, have misery and distress enough in their own countries to occupy themselves with the distribution of foodstuffs … We are allied with strong peoples, who in the same need are faced with the same enemies. '''The American President and his Plutocratic clique have mocked us as the Have-nots – that is true, but the Have-nots will see to it that they are not robbed of the little they have.''' *[A]ll that which [[w:United States|America]] did not get from Europe may seem worthy of admiration to a Jewified mixed race, but Europe regards that merely as symptomatic of decay in [[Art|artistic]] and [[Culture|cultural]] life, the product of Jewish or [[Black people|Negroid]] blood mixture. *We '''National Socialists are not at all surprised that the Anglo-American, Jewish and capitalist world is united together with Bolshevism. In our country we have always found them in the same community'''. Alone we successfully fought against them here in Germany, and after 14 years of struggle for power we were finally able to annihilate our enemies. ===1942=== * Thus the [[w:Home front|home-front]] need not be warned, and the [[prayer]] of this [[priest]] of the [[devil]], the wish that Europe may be punished with Bolshevism, will not be fulfilled, but rather that the prayer may be fulfilled: "Lord God, give us the strength that we may retain our liberty for our children and our children's children, not only for ourselves but also for the other peoples of Europe, for this is a war which we all wage, this time, not for our German people alone, it is a war for all of Europe and with it, in the long run, for all of mankind." ** [http://der-fuehrer.org/reden/english/42-01-30.htm Speech in Berlin], 30 January 1942 * Churchill is the very type of a corrupt [[Journalism|journalist]]. There's not a worse [[Prostitution|prostitute]] in [[politics]]. He himself has written that it's unimaginable what can be done in war with the help of lies. He's an utterly amoral, repulsive creature. I'm convinced that he has his place of refuge ready beyond the [[w:Atlantic Ocean|Atlantic]]. He obviously won't seek sanctuary in [[Canada]]. In Canada he'd be beaten up. He'll go to his friends the [[w:Yankees|Yankees]]. As soon as this damnable [[winter]] is over, we'll remedy all that. ** 18 February 1942, quoted in ''Hitler's Table Talk, 1941–1944'' * Christianity is the worst of the regressions that mankind can ever have undergone, and it's the Jew who, thanks to this diabolic invention, has thrown him back fifteen centuries. The only thing that would be still worse would be victory for the Jew through Bolshevism. If Bolshevism triumphed, mankind would lose the gift of laughter and joy. It would become merely a shapeless mass, doomed to grayness and despair. ** 20-21 February 1942, quoted in ''Hitler's Table Talk, 1941–1944'' * It would always be disagreeable for me to go down to posterity as a man who made concessions in this field. I realise that man, in his imperfection, can commit innumerable errors— but to devote myself deliberately to error, that is something I cannot do. I shall never come personally to terms with the Christian lie. In acting as I do, I'm very far from the wish to scandalise. But I rebel when I see the very idea of Providence flouted in this fashion. ** 27 February 1942, quoted in ''Hitler's Table Talk, 1941–1944'' * Our epoch will certainly see the end of the disease of Christianity. It will last another hundred years, two hundred years perhaps. My regret will have been that I couldn't, like whoever the prophet was, behold the promised land from afar. ** 27 February 1942, quoted in ''Hitler's Table Talk, 1941–1944'' * The [[English language]] lacks the ability to express thoughts that surpass the order of concrete things. It’s because the [[German language]] has this ability that Germany is the country of thinkers. ** 7 March 1942, quoted in ''Hitler's Table Talk, 1941–1944'' * One may regret living at a period when it's impossible to form an idea of the shape the world of the future will assume. But there's one thing I can predict to eaters of [[meat]]: the world of the future will be [[Vegetarianism|vegetarian]]. ** Stenographic transcripts translated by Hugh Trevor-Roper Bullock, 11 November 1941, Alan (1993). Hitler and Stalin : Parallel Lives. Vintage. p. 679. ISBN 0-679-72994-1. * For many people the causes of this terrible war into which we were forced in 1939, began to be more clearly recognized, for this war did not bear the characteristics of the previous conflicts among the European nations to which we were accustomed. To an ever increasing degree it began to be generally realized that the reasons for this conflict were no longer to be sought in the usual interests even if plausible of the various nations, but that in reality it was one of those elementary struggles which shaking the foundations of the world but once in a thousand years, introduce a new millennium. ** [http://der-fuehrer.org/reden/english/42-04-26.htm Speech to the Reichstag], 26 April 1942 *In this tremendous and truly historical uprising of the nations we are all now taking our part, some of us as [[Leadership|leaders]], others as [[Acting|actors]] or [[Performance|performers]]. '''On one side we find the exponents of democracy, that is Jewish capitalism with all its deadweight of obsolete political theories and [[Parliamentary system|parliamentary]] [[corruption]],''' its out-moded social order, the Jewish brain trust, the Jewish [[newspapers]], [[Stock market|stock exchanges]] and [[Banking|banks]], a concern of mixed political and economic profiteers of the worst order, arm in arm with the Bolshevist state. **[https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/adolf-hitler-speech-to-the-reichstag-assuming-new-power-april-1942 "Speech to the Reichstag Assuming New Powers"], (April 26, 1942) *The Jews were the carriers of that Bolshevist infection which once threatened to destroy Europe. It was also they who incited the ranks of the plutocracies to war, and it is the Jews who have driven [[United States|America]] to war against all her own interests, simply and solely from the Jewish capitalistic point of view. **[https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/adolf-hitler-speech-to-the-reichstag-assuming-new-power-april-1942 "Speech to the Reichstag Assuming New Powers"], (April 26, 1942) *If I don't get the [[oil]] of [[w:Maykop|Maykop]] and [[w:Grozny|Grozny]], then I must finish (''liquidieren'') this war. **Remark to [[Friedrich Paulus]] (1 June 1942), quoted in Ian Kershaw, ''Hitler, 1936–1945: Nemesis'' (2001), p. 514 and N. Polmar and T. B. Allen, ''World War II: the Encyclopedia of the War Years, 1941-1945'' (2012), p. 194 * Had I finished off France in '39, then world history would have taken another course. But then I had to wait until 1940. Then a two-front war, that was bad luck. After that, even we were broken. ** In a meeting with [[Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim|Mannerheim]], 4 June 1942<ref>[https://www.theguardian.com/media/2004/oct/15/radio.internationalnews Finnish radio to air unique Hitler recording] &ndash; ''The Guardian''</ref> *The rapidity with which [[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk|Mustapha Kemal Ataturk]] rid himself of his parsons makes one of the most remarkable chapters in history. He hanged thirty-nine of them out of hand, the rest he flung out, and [[Hagia Sophia|St. Sophia]] in [[Istanbul|Constantinople]] is now a [[museum]]! **1 August 1942, quoted in Gerhard L. Weinberg (ed.), ''Hitler's Table Talk, 1941–1944'' (2008), p. 458 * A state like [[Switzerland]], which is nothing but a pimple on the face of Europe, cannot be allowed to continue. ** 26 August 1942, quoted in ''Hitler's Table Talk, 1941–1944'' * In my eyes, the year 1942 already has behind it the most fateful trial of our people. That was the winter of '41 to '42. I may be permitted to say that in that winter the German people, and in particular its [[w:Wehrmacht|Wehrmacht]], were weighed in the balance by Providence. Nothing worse can or will happen. That we conquered that winter, that "[[w:General Winter|General Winter]]," that at last the German fronts stood, and that this spring, that is, early this summer, we were able to proceed again, that, I believe, is the proof that Providence was content with the German people... You do not realize what is hidden beneath these words in the way of human heroism, and also of human pain, and suffering, and we may say, often anxiety too, naturally, deathly anxiety on the part of all those who, especially for the first time, are placed before the trial of God in this highest court. ** ''[http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/adolf-hitler-address-at-the-opening-of-the-winter-relief-campaign-september-1942 Address at the Opening of the Winter Relief Campaign]'' (September 30, 1942) *party offices must never forget that the tenets and knowledge of National Socialist ideology correspond to the essence of German blood and hence cannot be transposed onto foreign peoples... Hence the NSDAP and its organisations do not have a European or worldwide mission to fulfil. **November 1942. Quoted in Oliver Rathkolb and John Heath (trans.) "Baldur von Schirach: Nazi Leader and Head of the Hitler Youth", 2022. Chapter 7. {{ISBN|9781399020961}} =====Speech on the 19th anniversary of the "Beer Hall Putsch" (8 November 1942)===== :<small>[http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/adolf-hitler-speech-on-the-19th-anniversary-of-the-ldquo-beer-hall-putsch-rdquo-november-1942 "Speech on the 19th Anniversary of the 'Beer Hall Putsch'{{nbsp}}"] at ''Jewish Virtual Library''</small> * And today I stand by this same view. [[Fate]], or Providence, will give the victory to those who most deserve it. (...) And when now, after 10 years, I again survey this period, I can say that upon no people has Providence ever bestowed more successes than upon us. The miracles we have achieved in the last three years in the face of a whole world of enemies are unique in history, especially the crises we very naturally often had in these years. * That which distinguishes our period from [[World War I|the last one]] is the fact that at that time the people did not stand behind the [[Wilhelm II, German Emperor|Kaiser]] while behind me stands one of the most splendid organizations that has ever been built up on this earth, and that organization represents the German people.<br /> Vice versa, however, what distinguishes the present time from then is the fact that at the head of this people there is no one who would ever, in critical times, [[w:World War I#German government surrenders|go to a foreign land]], but that at the head of this people is someone who has never known anything but struggle, and who has always known but one [[principle]]: "Strike, strike and strike again." ===1943=== *It was my mistake to have sent you [Baldur von Schirach] to Vienna. It was a mistake that I ever brought these Viennese into the Greater German Reich. I know these people. In my youth I lived among them. They are the enemies of Germany. **Quoted in Frederic Spotts (2003). "Hitler and the power of aesthetics". Woodstock: Overlook Press. {{ISBN|1585673455}} * You know my opinion of [[Francisco Franco|Franco]]... We ought to keep these Red Spaniards on the back burner... They're lost to [[democracy]], and to that reactionary crew round Franco too... I believe you to the letter, [[Albert Speer|Speer]], that they were impressive people. I must say, in general, that during the [[Spanish Civil War|civil war]] the idealism was not on Franco's side; it was to be found among the Reds&nbsp;... one of these days we'll be able to make use of them... The whole thing will start all over again. But with us on the opposite side. **As quoted in [[w:Albert Speer|Albert Speer]]'s diary entry for 26 December 1950 recalling a conversation with Hitler in January 1943, published in ''Spandau: The Secret Diary'' (2000), p. 167<!-- Weidenfeld & Nicholson --> * [[Surrender]] is forbidden. [[w:6th Army (Wehrmacht)|Sixth Army]] will hold their positions to the last man and the last round and by their heroic endurance will make an unforgettable contribution toward the establishment of a defensive front and the salvation of the Western world. ** [https://www.historyplace.com/worldwar2/defeat/catastrophe-stalingrad.htm In a message to General Paulus], 24 January 1943 * Instead, it will increasingly strive to realize, in the service of the national interest everywhere, a true Volksgemeinschaft as the highest ideal. All the more so after the war, the German National Socialist state, which pursued this goal from the beginning, '''will tirelessly work for the realization of a program that will ultimately lead to a complete elimination of class differences and to the creation of a true socialist community.''' <br> Thus, the five hundred forty-two thousand dead that this [[World War II|Second World War]] has up to now claimed will not have fallen in vain. Instead, they will live on eternally in our ranks as the undying heroes and pioneers of a better age. <br> May the Almighty, who has not denied us His blessings throughout these trials and Who has thereby reinforced our inherent strength, also grant us His assistance in the fulfillment of what we must do for our Volk, what we owe it, until the victory. We again bow reverently before our dead comrades, their family members in mourning, the murdered men, women, and children in the homeland, and all the sacrifices of our allies. ** [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Adolf_Hitler%27s_Speech_for_the_Heroes%27_Memorial_Day_(21_March_1943) Speech for the Heroes' Memorial Day (21 March 1943)] *He [Schirach] knows as well as I do that there is no way out. I might as well shoot myself in the head as think of negotiating peace. **June 1943. Quoted in Below, Nicolaus von (2001). At Hitler's Side: The Memoirs of Hitler's Luftwaffe Adjutant 1937–1945. Greenhill Books. p. 173. {{ISBN|978-1-85367-468-6}} * [[Soldiers]] of the Reich! This day, you are to take part in an offensive of such importance that the whole future of the war may depend on its outcome. More than anything else, your victory will show the whole world that resistance to the power of the German Army is hopeless. ** In a message to German soldiers at the start of the Battle of Kursk, 5 July 1943, as quoted in ''Kursk'' by Rupert Matthews ===1944=== [[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 137-004055, Eger, Besuch Adolf Hitlers.jpg|thumb|I am a [[pious]] man, and believe that whoever fights bravely in defense of the natural laws framed by [[God]] and never capitulates will never be deserted by the Lawgiver, but will, in the end, receive the [[Blessing|blessings]] of Providence. ]] *Additionally, on special petition men should be able to enter into a binding [[Marriage|martial relationship]] not only with one woman, but also with another, who would then get his name without complications, and the children automatically getting the father's name **27-28 January 1944 according to point 28.(2) of a 29 January 1944 memo from Martin Bormann recounting a conversation about "Safeguarding the future of the German People", according to [https://books.google.ca/books?id=Ce7HAAAAQBAJ&pg=PA84 pages 83-84] of "A History of the Münster Anabaptists: Inner Emigration and the Third Reich", a critical 2008-edition translation by George von der Lippe and Viktoria Reck-Malleczewen of "Friedrich Reck-Malleczewen's Bockelson: A Tale of Mass Insanity" referencing Lang 478 * I am a [[pious]] man, and believe that whoever fights bravely in defense of the natural laws framed by [[God]] and never capitulates will never be deserted by the Lawgiver, but will, in the end, receive the [[Blessing|blessings]] of Providence. ** Speech delivered on 5 July 1944; in Charles Bracelen Flood's ''Hitler: The Path to Power''. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1989, p. 208. ===1945=== * <p>Providence shows no mercy to weak nations, but recognizes the right of existence-only of sound and strong nations...</p><p>This Jewish bolshevist annihilation of nations and its western European and American procurers can be met only in one way: by using every ounce of strength with the extreme fanaticism and stubborn steadfastness that merciful God gives to men in hard times for the defense of their own lives...</p><p>We have suffered so much that it only steels us to fanatical resolve to hate Our enemies a thousand times more and to regard them for what they are destroyers of an eternal culture and annihilators of humanity. Out of this hate<!--bate?--> a holy will is born to oppose these destroyers of our existence with all the strength that God has given us and to crush them in the end. During its 2,000-year history our people has survived so many terrible times that we have no doubt that we will also master our present plight.</p> ** ''[http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/adolf-hitler-speech-on-the-25th-anniversary-of-the-announcement-of-the-national-socialist-party-s-program-february-1945 Speech on the 25th Anniversary of the Announcement of the National Socialist Party's Program]'' (February 24, 1945) * If [[w:World War II|the war]] is lost, [[Germany|the nation]] will also perish. This fate is inevitable. There is no necessity to take into consideration the basis which the people will need to continue even a most primitive existence. On the contrary, it will be better to destroy these things ourselves, because this nation will have proved to be the weaker one and the future will belong solely to the stronger eastern nation (Russia). Besides, those who will remain after the battle are only the inferior ones, for the good ones have all been killed. ** To [[Albert Speer]] (1945), as quoted in [http://www.historyplace.com/worldwar2/defeat/enter-bunker.htm "Defeat of Hitler: Enter the Bunker"] (2010), ''The History Place'' *The soldiers on the [[w:Eastern Front of World War II|Eastern Front]] fight far better. The reason they give in so easily in the West is simply the fault of that stupid [[w:Geneva Convention (1929)|Geneva convention]] which promises them good treatment as [[Prison|prisoners]]. We must scrap the idiotic thing. **Remarks to General Guderian (March 1945), quoted in Heinz Guderian, ''Panzer Leader'' (1952), p. 427 * The war is lost! **Regarding the fate of World War II (1945), as quoted in [http://www.historyplace.com/worldwar2/defeat/enter-bunker.htm "Defeat of Hitler: Enter the Bunker"] (2010), ''The History Place'' * It is untrue that I or anybody else in Germany wanted war in 1939. ** [http://der-fuehrer.org/reden/english/45-04-29_T1.htm In his Last Political Testament], 29 April 1945 *'''The Palace of Justice in [[Brussels]] lies like a cyclops above the city, building a court of justice above a city, that is really something special.''' ''' :[https://youtu. be/gSE-FRtJwvQ?t=367 Histories - Hitler in Belgium, Part 1- The humiliation.] (2 Part documentary about Hitlers victory tour in Belgium on July 1, 1940.) Hitler was a Big fan of Leopold II's architect Joseph Poelaert, so much so that Hitler will send his own Architect Albert speer who at that moment is in charcge of the embellishment works of Berlin to Brussels later that year to make a study of the Palace of Justice of Brussels. ===dates unknown=== ====pub 1935==== * We do not want any other god than Germany itself. It is essential to have fanatical faith and hope and love in and for Germany. ** As quoted in ''A History of National Socialism'', [[Konrad Heiden]], A. A. Knopf (1935) p. 100 ====pub 1936==== * In a hundred years time, perhaps, a great man will appear who may offer them (the Germans) a chance at salvation. He'll take me as a model, use my ideas, and follow the course I have charted. ** As quoted in "Der Führer als Redner," Adolf Hitler. Bilder aus dem Leben des Führers" (The Fuhrer as a speaker) by [[Joseph Goebbels]] in 1936 ====pub 1944==== * '''We shall banish [[Desire|want]]. We shall banish [[fear]]. The essence of National Socialism is human welfare.''' There must be cheap [[w:Volkswagen |Volkswagen]] for workers to ride in, broad Reich [[w:Autobahn|Autobahns]] for the Volkswagen. National Socialism is the Revolution of the Common Man. Rooted in a fuller life for every German from childhood to old age, National Socialism means a new day of abundance at home and a Better World Order abroad. ** As quoted in ''Men in Motion'', Henry J. Taylor, Doubleday, Doran & Co., New York: NY, (1944) p. 59.<br>Also quoted in ''As We Go Marching'', John T. Flynn, New York: NY, Free Life Edition (1973) p. 154, first published 1944 [https://mises-media.s3.amazonaws.com/As%20We%20Go%20Marching_2.pdf] * '''In our movement the two extremes come together: the Communists from the Left and the officers and students from the Right.''' These two have always been the most active elements, and it was the greatest crime that they used to oppose each other in street fights... Our party has already succeeded in uniting these two utter extremes within the ranks of our storm troops. They will form the core of the great German liberation movement, in which all without distinction will stand together when the day comes to say: 'The Nation arises, the storm is breaking!' ** As quoted in ''Der Fuehrer: Hitler's Rise to Power'', [[Konrad Heiden]], Boston, MA, Beacon Press, 1969, p. 147, first published 1944.<br>Part of Hitler's quote also cited in ''Totalitarianism: Part Three of The Origins of Totalitarianism'', Hannah Arendt, A Harvest Book, 1985, footnote, p. 7 *5. Now, it is a fact that [[women]] who find themselves without a [[man]] after this war cannot have children by the [[Holy Spirit]] but only by men who have survived. Increased propagation by the individual man is - obviously from the standpoint of the good of the people - only desired in the case of a portion of these men. Good men with strong [[character]], physically and psychically healthy, are the ones who should reproduce extra generously, not the ones warped in body and mind.<br>6. If the dead of the past world war and the present are not to have died in vain, we must secure the victory with all means at hand. Every woman whose husband or brother or father or other relative was killed in one of these struggles must wish that! This means that every woman must wish that ''every'' healthy woman capable of doing so after the war's end will have as many children as possible, to secure the victory and to secure the future of our people and the future of her own grandchildren.<br>7. Now government [[Regulation|regulations]] alone, particularly in this ticklish area, serve no purpose whatsoever. Here only a very serious conviction born along by the Movement can lead to the required attitude. The question is too serious for wisecracks and cheap jokes; here what is truly at stake is the safeguarding of the future of our people.<br>8. After this war we cannot command women and girls to have [[Infant|babies]]. What is called for is the most intelligent [[Enlightenment (spiritual)|enlightenment]] possible - and here the much overused superlative is used advisedly.<br>9. This [enlightenment] must in my opinion not be carried out by men who might too easily be considered personally interested parties, [sexual] profiteers. In my opinion only older men should be allowed to speak on this theme, and above all, our women's organizations must perform the necessary job of enlightenment.<br>10. These needful actions involve not only convincing the women who have lost [[husbands]] or will never get one, but what is needed first of all is the enlightenment of the old folks, the mothers and fathers, who grew up among quite different attitudes in the past.<br>11. Still more necessary is the enlightenment of the [[wives]], who in many cases turn into fanatical [advocates] of [[Respect|respectability]] only after their marriage.<br>12. When we reflect on what is necessary to bring this so vitally important problem for our people to a successful solution, then we must make the situation clear for the individual case. At first many women - want of logic is something women are born with - will affirm the appropriateness [of the new order of things], but in the individual case, applied to their personal lives, they will fanatically reject it.<br>13. The public, i.e., general, enlightenment [campaign] can, for obvious reasons, only get under way after the war. To mention only one reason: we cannot yet appeal today to the women whose husbands might become casualties in the future, and also out of consideration for our soldiers we cannot begin our enlightenment campaign; that would assume that we would have to get this line of thinking across to our men now serving as soldiers, but not every soldier will accept the prospect of his wide or bride bearing children by another man after his own death.<br>14. Meanwhile we must be fully cognizant of the steps that can be taken while the war is still on, and of those to be introduced immediately after the war's end.<br>15. We must begin immediately to remove all impediments to the attainment of our objective; in particular, the point is to orientate contemporary [[poets]] and [[Writing|writers]]. New [[Novel|novels]], short stories and stage plays based on marriage and [[divorce]] are no longer to be permitted, and by the same token [we will allow] no [[Poetry|poems]], [[Writing|writings]], [[Film|motion pictures]] that treat the child born out of wedlock [unehelich] as of diminished worth, as a bastard.<br>(The word "unchelich" must, as I pointed out long ago, be expunged [right ouf of the language]. The prefix "un" generally denotes something to be rejected. **as quoted on [https://books.google.ca/books?id=jPckDQAAQBAJ&pg=PA835 page 835] of "The Third Reich Sourcebook" by Anson Rabinbach and Sander L. Gilman, published 10 July 2013 by University of California Press.<br>From chapter "397. Martin Bormann, Safeguarding the Future of the German People (1944)" (pg 834) under section "29. Total War: 1939-1945" (pg 815), under "PART TEN. WAR, CONQUEST, AND THE ANNIHILATION OF THE JEWS" (pg 720) ====pub 1954==== * I know that some Man capable of giving our problems a final solution must appear. I have sought such a Man. I could nowhere discover Him. And that is why I have set myself to do the preparatory work; only the most urgent preparatory work, for I know that I am myself not, the One. And I know also what is missing in me. But the other One still remains aloof, and nobody comes forward, and there is no more time to be lost. ** As quoted in ''Warum? Woher? Aber Wohin?'' (published 1 January 1954) by Hans Grimm, p. 14 ====pub 1968==== * We stand for the maintenance of [[property|private property]]... We shall protect [[Laissez-faire|free enterprise]] as the most expedient, or rather the sole possible economic order. ** Quoted in [https://www.google.it/books/edition/Der_Fuehrer/_lUTAQAAMAAJ?hl=it&gbpv=1&bsq=%22We+stand+for+the+maintenance+of+private+property...+We+shall+protect+free+enterprise+as+the+most+expedient,+or+rather+the+sole+possible+economic+order.%22&dq=%22We+stand+for+the+maintenance+of+private+property...+We+shall+protect+free+enterprise+as+the+most+expedient,+or+rather+the+sole+possible+economic+order.%22&printsec=frontcover ''Der Fuehrer, Hitler's Rise to Power''], by [[Konrad Heiden]]. Statement of the 1920. ====pub 1970==== * I am certain through him ([[W:Edward_VIII|Edward VIII]]) permanent [[w:Duke_and_Duchess_of_Windsor%27s_tour_of_Germany,_1937|friendly relations]] could have been achieved. If he had stayed, everything would have been different. His abdication was a severe loss for us. ** As quoted by Albert Speer in ''Inside the Third Reich'' (1970) New York: Macmillan ====pub 1971==== * I intend to set up a thousand-year Reich and anyone who supports me in this battle is a fellow-fighter for a unique spiritual&mdash;I would say divine&mdash;creation... [[Rudolf Hess]], my assistant of many years standing, would tell you: If we have such a leader, God is with us. ** As quoted in ''Secret Conversations with Hitler: The Two Newly-Discovered 1931 Interviews'' (1971) by [[w:Richard Breiting|Richard Breiting]], p. 68 ====pub 1972==== * Genius is a will-o'-the-wisp if it lacks a solid foundation of [[perseverance]] and fanatical tenacity. This is the most important thing in all of human life... ** As quoted in ''How the Allies Won'' (1995) by Richard Overy, citing ''Hitler: The Man and the Military Leader'' (1972) by P.E. Schramm ====pub 1974==== * National socialism is the determination to create a new man. There will no longer exist any individual arbitrary will, nor realms in which the individual belongs to himself. The time of happiness as a private matter is over. ** As quoted in ''Hitler'' (1974) by Joachim C. Fest, p. 533 <!-- New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich --> ====pub 1977==== * They bring in high earnings without work. One of these days I'll sweep away this outrage and nationalize all [[corporations]]. ** As quoted in ''Spandau: The Secret Diaries'', Albert Speer, New York, NY, Pocket Books (1977) p. 84 ====pub 1979==== [[File:Ares Ludovisi Altemps Inv8602 n3.jpg|thumb|The god of war has gone over to the other side.]] * '''The god of war has gone over to the other side.''' ** Statement to [[w:Alfred Jodl|Alfred Jodl]], after losses in the [[w:Battle of Stalingrad|Battle of Stalingrad]], as quoted in ''The Second World War: An Illustrated History'' (1979) by [[w: A. J. P. Taylor|A. J. P. Taylor]] ====pub 1987==== * This German [[w:Volksgemeinschaft|Volksgemeinschaft]] is truly practical socialism and therefore National Socialism in the best sense of the word. Here everyone is obligated to carry his load. ** As quoted in ''Stagnation and Renewal in Social Policy: The Rise and Fall of Policy Regimes'', editors: Martin Rein, Gøsta Esping-Andersen, and Lee Rainwater (1987) p. 63 * If the Italians hadn't attacked Greece and needed our help, the war would have taken a different course. We could have anticipated the Russian cold by weeks and conquered Leningrad and Moscow. There would have been no Stalingrad. ** Quoted in ''Leni Riefenstahl: A Memoir'' by Leni Riefenstahl ====pub 1993==== * You will never learn what I am thinking. And those who boast most loudly that they know my thought, to such people I lie even more. ** Statement to [[Franz Halder]], as quoted in ''{{w|The Psychopathic God}}'' (1993) by [[w: Robert G. L. Waite|Robert George Leeson Waite]], p. xi ====pub 1999==== [[File:Henry_ford_1919.jpg|thumb|I regard [[Henry Ford|Ford]] as my inspiration.]] *I regard [[Henry Ford|Ford]] as my inspiration. **Attributed in Bill McGraw, "''Forced Labor and Ford: History of Nazi Labor Stares Ford in the Face''", Detroit Free Press, 21 December 1999, p. B1; as cited in Timothy W. Ryback, ''Hitler's Private Library: The Books That Shaped His Life'', p. 71 & footnote p. 275. ====pub 2000==== * The broad [[Masses|mass]] is [[Femininity|feminine]]." ** As quoted in ''Hitler 1889-1936: Hubris'', Ian Kershaw, Page iii (published 4 April 2000) ====pub 2001==== *(p.1884) I never lost my belief, in the midst of setbacks which were not spared me during my period of struggle. Providence has had the last word and brought me success.<br>(p.2842) Not long ago, an American magazine wrote that what was worst about National Socialism was its women. They said that National Socialism did more for women than any other nation. It improved their social position. It began to bring them together in tremendous organizations. It sent the women of the educated classes into the factories so that female workers could go on vacation, and so on. The paper concluded that the democracies could not imitate this. ** As quoted 1 November 2002 in ''{{w|The Third Reich: A New History}}'' by {{w|Michael Burleigh}} ====pub 2009==== [[File:Alois Hitler (cropped).jpeg|thumb|I never loved my father, [he used to say,] but feared him. He was prone to rages and would resort to violence.]] * I never loved my father, [he used to say,] but feared him. He was prone to rages and would resort to violence. My poor mother would then always be afraid for me. When I read [[w:Karl May|Karl May]] once that it was a sign of [[bravery]] to hide one's pain, I decided that when he beat me the next time I would make no sound. When it happened – I knew my mother was standing anxiously at the door – I counted every stroke out loud. Mother thought I had gone mad when I reported to her with a beaming smile, 'Thirty-two strokes father gave me!' From that day I never needed to repeat the experiment, for my father never beat me again. ** Statement about his parents [[w:Alois Hitler|Alois]] and [[w:Klara Hitler|Klara Hitler]], quoted in [[w:Christa Schroeder|Christa Schroeder]], ''He Was My Chief: The Memoirs of Adolf Hitler's Secretary'' (Frontline Books, 2009), translated by Geoffrey Brooks, p. 40–41 {{clear}} {{disputed begin}} == Disputed == [[File:Flag of Poland (with coat of arms, 1919-1928).svg|thumb|I have placed my death's-head formation in readiness, for the present only in the east, with orders to them to send to death mercilessly and without compassion, men, women, and children of Polish derivation and language. Only thus shall [[Germany|we]] gain the [[w:Lebensraum|living space]] which we need.]] [[File:Armenians marched by Ottoman soldiers, 1915.png|thumb|Who, after all, speaks today of the annihilation of the Armenians?]] * Our strength consists in our speed and in our brutality. Genghis Khan led millions of women and children to slaughter, with premeditation and a happy heart. History sees in him solely the founder of a state. It's a matter of indifference to me what a weak western European civilization will say about me. I have issued the command, and I'll have anybody who utters but one word of criticism executed by a firing squad, that our war aim does not consist in reaching certain lines, but in the physical destruction of the enemy. Accordingly, I have placed my death's-head formation in readiness, for the present only in the East, with orders to them to send to death mercilessly and without compassion, men, women, and children of Polish derivation and language. Only thus shall [[Germany|we]] gain the [[w:Lebensraum|living space]] which we need. '''Who, after all, speaks today of the annihilation of the Armenians?''' ** [[w:Armenian quote|Allegedly included in a speech at Obersalzberg]], 22 August 1939. * I want war. To me all means will be right. My motto is not "Don't, whatever you do, annoy the enemy." My motto is "Destroy him by all and any means." I am the one who will wage the war! ** As quoted in ''[[w:Hitler and Nazism|Hitler and Nazism]]'' (1961) by [[w:Louis Leo Snyder|Louis Leo Snyder]], p. 66 * We must close union offices, confiscate their money and put their leaders in prison. We must reduce workers salaries and take away their right to strike. ** "I cannot speak to the authenticity of the quotation ... attributed to Hitler in the very many Web postings at which it is found, and without devoting far more research time than it warrants." - [http://thepragmaticprogressive.blogspot.com/2011/03/hitler-and-unions.html Ken Leford]. * The Revolution we have made is not a national revolution, but a National-''Socialist'' Revolution. We would even underline this last word, "Socialist." ** April 18, 1934. Attributed by [[Winston Churchill]] in Vol. 1 of [[The Second World War (book series)|The Second World War]]. (1948) * That is the great thing about our movement--that these members are uniform not only in ideas, but even, the facial expression is almost the same! ** Attributed by [[Jack Kirby]] in ''[[w:The Forever People|The Forever People]]'' #3, National Periodical Publications, (June-July 1971). * How fortunate for governments that the people they administer don't think. ** Attributed to Hitler, without source, in a [https://books.google.com/books?id=FwICBAAAQBAJ&pg=PT96&dq=%22the+people+they+administer+don%27t+think%22&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwic_p2MxqfLAhUBE2MKHTC-CgQQ6AEIHDAA#v=onepage&q=%22the%20people%20they%20administer%20don't%20think%22&f=false 1992 book of quotations]. ===''Hitler Speaks'' (1940)=== :<small>Attributed by [[Hermann Rauschning]] in ''Hitler Speaks'' (1940) also known as ''The Voice of Destruction'', the [[W:Hermann Rauschning#Authenticity of Hitler Speaks|book's authenticity is disputed.]]</small> * It is not Germany that will turn {{w|Bolshevist}} but Bolshevism that will become a sort of [[Nazi | National Socialism]]. Besides, there is more that binds us to Bolshevism than separates us from it. There is, above all, genuine [[revolutionary]] feeling, which is alive everywhere in [[Russia]] except where are [[W:Jewish Bolshevism#Nazi Germany|Jewish Marxists]]. I have always made allowance for this circumstance, and given orders that former [[Communists]] are to be admitted to the party at once. The ''{{w|petit bourgeois}}'' Social-Democrat and the [[trade-union]] boss will never make a National Socialist, but the Communist always will. ... Our spirit is so strong, and the power of our magnificent movement to transform souls so elemental, that men are remodeled against their will. ... A {{w|social revolution}} would lend me new, unsuspected powers. I do not fear permeation with revolutionary {{w|Communist propaganda}}. ** pp. 131-132. * We are obligated to depopulate as part of our mission of preserving the German population. We shall have to develop a technique of depopulation. If you ask me what I mean by depopulation, I mean the removal of entire racial units. And that is what I intend to carry out... Nature is cruel, therefore we, too, may be cruel.... I have the right to remove millions of an inferior race that breeds like vermin! ** p. 89. * The party is all-embracing. It rules our lives in all their breadth and depth... There will be no license, no free space, in which the individual belongs to himself. This is Socialism... Let them then own land or factories as much as they please. The decisive factor is that the State, through the party, is supreme over them, regardless whether they are owners or workers. ** p. 191. * I have learned a great deal from Marxism as I do not hesitate to admit... The difference between them and myself is that I have really put into practice what these peddlers and pen pushers have timidly begun. The whole of National Socialism is based on it... National Socialism is what Marxism might have been if it could have broken its absurd and artificial ties with a democratic order. ** p. 186 *I am beginning with the young. We older ones are used up. Yes, we are old already. We are rotten to the marrow. We have no unrestrained instincts left. We are cowardly and sentimental. We are bearing the burden of a humiliating past, and have in our blood the dull recollection of serfdom and servility. But my magnificent youngsters! Are there finer ones anywhere in the world? Look at these young men and boys! What material! With them I can make a new world. ** p. 251 === ''{{w|Hitler's Table Talk}} (1941-1944)'' (published 1953) === :<small><b>''Die Bormann Vermerke'': Transcripts of Hitler's conversations (5 July 1941 - 30 November 1944), made under the supervision of [[Martin Bormann]], published in the UK as ''Hitler's Table Talks'' (1953).</b> The source material is generally accepted as reliable; the [[W:Hitler's Table Talk#Controversies|accuracy and reliability of the English translation is often disputed.]]</small> [[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1987-0922-500, Wien, Heldenplatz, Rede Adolf Hitler.jpg|thumb|I have not come into this [[world]] to make men better, but [[Exploitation|to make use of their]] [[weaknesses]].]] * '''I have not come into this world to make men better, but [[Exploitation|to make use of their]] [[weaknesses]].''' ** As quoted in the introduction, "The Mind of Adolf Hitler" by [[w:Hugh Trevor-Roper|Hugh Trevor-Roper]] * Stalin is one of the most extraordinary figures in world history. He began as a small clerk, and he has never stopped being a clerk. Stalin owes nothing to rhetoric. He governs from his office, thanks to a bureaucracy that obeys his every nod and gesture. It's striking that Russian propaganda, in the criticisms it makes of us, always holds itself within certain limits. Stalin, that cunning Caucasian, is apparently quite ready to abandon European Russia, if he thinks that a failure to solve her problems would cause him to lose everything. Let nobody think Stalin might reconquer Europe from the Urals! It is as if I were installed in Slovakia, and could set out from there to reconquer the Reich. This is the catastrophe that will cause the loss of the Soviet Empire. ** Night of 18-19 July 1941. *I'm sure that Nero didn't set fire to Rome. It was the Christian-Bolsheviks who did that, just as the Commune set fire to Paris in 1871 and the Communists set fire to the Reichstag in 1932. ** 25 October 1941. * The Jew can take the credit for having corrupted the Graeco-Roman world. Previously words were used to express thoughts; he used words to invent the art of disguising thoughts. Lies are his strength, his weapon in the struggle. The Jew is said to be gifted. His only gift is that of juggling with other people's property and swindling each and everyone. Suppose I find by chance a picture that I believe to be a Titian. I tell the owner what I think of it, and I offer him a price. In a similar case, the Jew begins by declaring that the picture is valueless, he buys it for a song and sells it at a profit of 5000 per cent. To persuade people that a thing which has value, has none, and vice versa—that's not a sign of intelligence. They can't even overcome the smallest economic crisis! ** 5 November 1941. * I don't see much future for the Americans... it's a decayed country. And they have their racial problem, and the problem of social inequalities... It goes without saying that we have no affinities with the Japanese. They’re too foreign to us, by their way of living, by their culture. But my feelings against Americanism are feelings of hatred and deep repugnance. I feel myself more akin to any European country, no matter which. Everything about the behavior of American society reveals that it’s half Judaised, and the other half negrified. How can one expect a State like that to hold together—a State where 80 percent of the revenue is drained away for the public purse—a country where everything is built on the dollar? From this point of view, I consider the British State very much superior. ** 7 January 1942, evening * We shall regain our health only by eliminating the Jew. ** 22 February 1942, evening * I was so poor, during the Viennese period of my life, that I had to restrict myself to seeing only the finest spectacles. Thus I heard ''Tristan'' thirty or forty times, and always from the best companies. ** Night of the 22–23 February 1942 * I absolutely insist on protecting private property. It is natural and salutary that the individual should be inspired by the wish to devote a part of the income from his work to building up and expanding a family estate. Suppose the estate consists of a factory. I regard it as axiomatic, in the ordinary way, that this factory will be better run by one of the members of the family that it would be by a State functionary—providing, of course, that the family remains healthy. In this sense, we must encourage private initiative. ** A private statement made on March 24, 1942. * The most foolish mistake we could possibly make would be to allow the subject races to possess arms. History shows that all conquerors who have allowed their subject races to carry arms have prepared their own downfall by so doing. ** 11 April 1942. * The American statesmen, by subjecting the Church to the same regulations governing all other associations and institutions, have limited its field of activity to reasonable proportions; and, as the State does not contribute from State Funds one single cent to the church, the whole clergy cringes and sings hymns in praise of Government. This is not to be wondered at! The parson, like everyone else, has got to live; what he makes out of the public offertory doesn't amount to much, and so he is more or less dependent on State charity. As he has no legal claim whatever on the State, he therefore takes very good care that his demeanour is always pleasing in the eyes of the State and therefore deserving of the crumbs it cares to toss to him. ** 4 July 1942. * The development of relations between State and Church affords a very instructive example of how the carelessness of a single statesman can have after-effects which last for centuries. When Charlemagne was kneeling at prayer in St. Peter's, Rome, at Christmas in the year 800, the Pope, giving him no time to work out the possible effects of so symbolic an action, suddenly bent down and presto! popped a golden crown on his head! By permitting it, the Emperor delivered himself and his successors into the hands of a power which subjected the German Government and the German people to five hundred years of martyrdom. ** 4 July 1942. * One of our most important tasks will be to save future generations from a similar political fate and to maintain for ever watchful in them a knowledge of the menace of Jewry. For this reason alone it is vital that the Passion play be continued at Oberammergau; for never has the menace of Jewry been so convincingly portrayed as in this presentation of what happened in the times of the Romans. There one sees in Pontius Pilate a Roman racially and intellectually so superior, that he stands like a firm, clean rock in the middle of the whole muck and mire of Jewry. ** on the [[w:Oberammergau Passion Play|Passion Play at Oberammergau]], 5 July 1942. * In the Spanish people there is a mixture of Gothic, Frankish and Moorish blood. One can speak of the Spaniard as one would speak of a brave anarchist. The Arabian epoch&mdash;the Arabs look down on the Turks as they do on dogs&mdash;was the most cultured, the most intellectual and in every way best and happiest epoch in Spanish history. It was followed by the period of the persecutions with its unceasing atrocities. ** 1 August 1942. * As for the ridiculous hundred million Slavs, we will mould the best of them as we see fit, and we will isolate the rest of them in their own pig-styes; and anyone who talks about cherishing the local inhabitants and civilising them, goes straight off into a concentration camp! ** 6 August 1942. ===''The Testament of Adolf Hitler'' (1945)=== :<small>Genoud, François, ed. (1961). ''The Testament of Adolf Hitler: the Hitler-Bormann documents, February-April 1945''. London: Cassell. Historian [[w:Ian Kershaw|Ian Kershaw]] cautions "This English version contains a very loose and untrustworthy translation of the German text—itself not guaranteed to be identical with any long-lost original or the lost copy of that original—which was eventually published only in 1981... The available German text is, therefore, at best a construct; neither the original nor the copy of that original exists. [Eduard] Baumgarten tended, since the content was consonant with Hitler's thinking and expression, to accept the authenticity of the text. There is, however, no proof and, therefore, no reliable German text whose authenticity can be placed beyond question." (''Hitler, 1936-45: Nemesis'', 2001, [http://books.google.com/books?id=B5fJYMxufVcC&pg=PA1025 p. 1025.])</small> [[File:IJzeren voetring voor gevangenen transparent background.png|thumb|The beginnings of a great new social order based on the principle of [[slavery]] and [[Bigotry|inequality]] were destroyed by [[American Civil War|that war]], and with them also the embryo of a future truly great [[United States|America]] that would not have been ruled by a corrupt caste of tradesmen, but by a real ''Herren''-class that would have swept away all the falsities of liberty and equality.]] * This is the last disgusting death-rattle of a corrupt and outworn system which is a blot on the history of this people. '''Since [[American Civil War|the civil war]], in which [[Confederate States of America|the southern states]] were conquered, against all historical logic and sound sense, the American people have been in a condition of political and popular decay.''' In [[American Civil War|that war]], it was not the Southern States, but the American people themselves who were conquered. In this spurious blossoming of economic progress and power politics, America has ever since been drawn deeper into the mire of progressive self-destruction. '''The beginnings of a great new social order based on the principle of [[slavery]] and [[Bigotry|inequality]] were destroyed by [[American Civil War|that war]], and with them also the embryo of a future truly great [[United States|America]] that would not have been ruled by a corrupt caste of tradesmen, but by a real ''Herren''-class that would have swept away all the falsities of liberty and equality.''' **[https://books.google.com/books?id=2zxfyeUHKEAC&pg=PA69 During an after-dinner discussion in Munich] (1933), regarding the [[American Civil War]] * Under the guidance of the Reich, Europe would speedily have become unified. Once the Jewish poison had been eradicated, unification would have been an easy matter. France and Italy, each defeated in turn at an interval of a few months by the two Germanic Powers, would have been well out of it. Both would have had to renounce their inappropriate aspirations to greatness. At the same time they would have had to renounce their pretensions in North Africa and the Near East; and that would have allowed Europe to pursue a bold policy of friendship towards Islam. **4 February 1945. * We can safely make one prophecy: whatever the outcome of this war, the British Empire is at an end. It has been mortally wounded. The future of the British people is to die of hunger and tuberculosis in their cursed island. **4 February 1945. * It is eastwards, only and always eastwards, that the veins of our race must expand. It is the direction which Nature herself has decreed for the expansion of the German peoples. **7 February 1945. * The white races did, of course, give some things to the natives, and they were the worst gifts that they could possibly have made, those plagues of our own modern world-materialism, fanaticism, alcoholism and syphilis. For the rest, '''since these peoples possessed qualities of their own which were superior to anything we could offer them, they have remained essentially unchanged'''. Where imposition by force was attempted, the results were even more disastrous, and common sense, realizing the futility of such measures, should preclude any recourse to their introduction. '''One solitary success must be conceded to the colonizers: everywhere they have succeeded in arousing hatred, a hatred that urges these peoples, awakened from their slumbers by us, to rise and drive us out. Indeed, it looks almost as though they had awakened solely and simply for that purpose!''' Can anyone assert that colonization has increased the number of Christians in the world? Where are those conversions en masse which mark the success of Islam? Here and there one finds isolated islets of Christians, Christians in name, that is, rather than by conviction; and that is the sum total of the successes of this magnificent Christian religion, the guardian of supreme Truth! '''Taking everything into consideration, Europe's policy of colonization has ended in a complete failure.''' **7 February 1945. * I am quite sure that very few of the so-called Reds in Spain were really Communists. We were badly deceived, for, had I known the real state of affairs, I would never have allowed our aircraft to bombard and destroy a starving population and at the same time re-establish the Spanish clergy in all their horrible privileges. **10 February 1945. * There is, then, no danger in the circumstances that anti-semitism will disappear, for it is the Jews themselves who add fuel to its flames and see that it is kept well stoked. Before the opposition to it can disappear, the malady itself must disappear. And from that point of view, you can rely on the Jews: as long as they survive, anti-semitism will never fade. **13 February 1945. * In saying this, I promise you I am quite free of all racial hatred. It is, in any case, undesirable that one race should mix with other races. Except for a few gratuitous successes, which I am prepared to admit, systematic cross-breeding has never produced good results. Its desire to remain racially pure is a proof of the vitality and good health of a race. Pride in one's own race&mdash;and that does not imply contempt for other races&mdash;is also a normal and healthy sentiment. I have never regarded the Chinese or the Japanese as being inferior to ourselves. They belong to ancient civilisations, and I admit freely that their past history is superior to our own. They have the right to be proud of their past, just as we have the right to be proud of the civilisation to which we belong. Indeed, I believe the more steadfast the Chinese and the Japanese remain in their pride of race, the easier I shall find it to get on with them. **13 February 1945. * This pride of race is a quality which the German, fundamentally, does not possess. The reason for this is that for these last three centuries the country has been torn by internal dissension and religious wars and has been subjected to a variety of foreign influences, to the influence, for example, of Christianity&mdash;for Christianity is not a natural religion for the Germans, but a religion that has been imported and which strikes no responsive chord in their hearts and is foreign to the inherent genius of the race. **13 February 1945. * Our racial pride is not aggressive except in so far as the Jewish race is concerned. '''We use the term Jewish race as a matter of convenience, for in reality and from the genetic point of view there is no such thing as the Jewish race. There does, however, exist a community, to which, in fact, the term can be applied and the existence of which is admitted by the Jews themselves. It is the spiritually homogeneous group, to membership of which all Jews throughout the world deliberately adhere, regardless of their whereabouts and of their country of domicile; and it is this group of human beings to which we give the title Jewish race'''. **13 February 1945. * I ought to have seized the initiative in 1938 instead of allowing myself to be forced into war in 1939; for war was, in any case, unavoidable. However, you can hardly blame me if the British and the French accepted at Munich every demand I made of them! **14 February 1945. * Never, at any price, should we have put our money on France and against the peoples subjected to her yoke. On the contrary, we should have helped them to achieve their liberty and, if necessary, should have goaded them into doing so. There was nothing to stop us in 1940 from making a gesture of this sort in the Near East and in North Africa. In actual fact our diplomats instead set about the task of consolidating French power, not only in Syria, but in Tunis, in Algeria and Morocco as well. Our 'gentlemen' obviously preferred to maintain cordial relations with distinguished Frenchmen, rather than with a lot of hirsute revolutionaries, with a chorus of musical comedy officers, whose one idea was to cheat us, rather than with the Arabs, who would have been loyal partners for us. **14 February 1945. * In order to persuade Britain to pack up, to compel her to make peace, it was essential to rob her of her hope of being able still to confront us, on the continent itself, with an adversary of a stature equal to our own. ** 15 February 1945 &mdash; discussing the reasons for the invasion of the Soviet Union. * I have never liked France or the French, and I have never stopped saying so. **15 February 1945. * Our Italian ally has been a source of embarrassment to us everywhere. It was this alliance, for instance, which prevented us from pursuing a revolutionary policy in North Africa. In the nature of things, this territory was becoming an Italian preserve and it was as such that the Duce laid claim to it. Had we been on our own, we could have emancipated the Moslem countries dominated by France; and that would have had enormous repercussions in the Near East, dominated by Britain, and in Egypt. But with our fortunes linked to those of the Italians, the pursuit of such a policy was not possible. All Islam vibrated at the news of our victories. The Egyptians, the Irakis and the whole of the Near East were all ready to rise in revolt. Just think what we could have done to help them, even to incite them, as would have been both our duty and in our own interest! But the presence of the Italians at our side paralysed us; it created a feeling of malaise among our Islamic friends, who inevitably saw in us accomplices, willing or unwilling, of their oppressors. For the Italians in these parts of the world are more bitterly hated, of course, than either the British or the French. The memories of the barbarous, reprisals taken against the Senussi are still vivid. Then again the ridiculous pretensions of the Duce to be regarded as The Sword of Islam evokes the same sneering chuckle now as it did before the war. This title, which is fitting for Mahomed and a great conqueror like Omar, Mussolini caused to be conferred on himself by a few wretched brutes whom he had either bribed or terrorized into doing so. We had a great chance of pursuing a splendid policy with regard to Islam. But we missed the bus, as we missed it on several other occasions, thanks to our loyalty to the Italian alliance! In this theatre of operations, then, the Italians prevented us from playing our best card, the emancipation of the French subjects and the raising of the standard of revolt in the countries oppressed by the British. Such a policy would have aroused the enthusiasm of the whole of Islam. It is a characteristic of the Moslem world, from the shores of the Atlantic to those of the Pacific, that what affects one, for good or for evil, affects all. **17 February 1945. * Life does not forgive weakness. **17 February 1945. * The universalists, the idealists, the Utopians all aim too high. They give promises of an unattainable paradise, and by doing so they deceive mankind. Whatever label they wear, whether they call themselves Christians, Communists, humanitarians, whether they are merely sincere but stupid or wire-pullers and cynics, they are all makers of slaves. I myself have always kept my eye fixed on a paradise which, in the nature of things, lies well within our reach. I mean an improvement in the lot of the German people. **21 February 1945. * Furthermore, thanks to the Marxist religion, they (the Russians) have everything required to make them patient. They have been promised happiness on earth (a feature which distinguishes Marxism from the Christian religion)&mdash;but in the future. The Jew, Mardochee Marx, like the good Jew that he was, was awaiting the coming of the Messiah. He has placed the Messiah conception in a setting of historic materialism by asserting that terrestrial happiness is a factor in an almost endless process of evolution. "Happiness is within your reach," he says, "that I promise you. But you must let evolution take its course and not try to hurry matters." Mankind always falls for a specious trick of that sort... Lenin did not have the time, but Stalin will carry on the good work, and so on and so on... Marxism is a very powerful force. But how shall we assess Christianity, that other child of Judaism, which will not commit itself further than to promise the faithful happiness in another world? Believe me, it is incomparably stronger! **25 February 1945. * I have been Europe's last hope. She proved incapable of refashioning herself by means of voluntary reform. She showed herself impervious to charm and persuasion. To take her I had to use violence. **26 February. * The peoples of Islam will always be closer to us than, for example, France. **2 April 1945. * With the defeat of the Reich and pending the emergence of the Asiatic, the African and, perhaps, the South American nationalisms, there will remain in the world only two Great Powers capable of confronting each other&mdash;the United States and Soviet Russia. The laws of both history and geography will compel these two Powers to a trial of strength, either military or in the fields of economics and ideology. **2 April 1945. ===''[[Hitler: Memoirs of a Confidant]]'' (1978) === <small>Attributed by {{w|Otto Wagener}} in ''{{w|Hitler: Memoirs of a Confidant}}'', editor, {{w|Henry Ashby Turner, Jr.}}, {{w|Yale University Press}} (1985)</small> * In the past—that is, for most people it is still the present-the individual is everything, everything is directed at maintaining his life and improving his existence, everything focuses on him. ... In socialism of the future, on the other hand, what counts is the whole, the [[W:Volksgemeinschaft#Nazi Volksgemeinschaft|community of the Volk]]. The individual and his life play only a subsidiary role. He can be sacrificed—he is prepared to sacrifice himself should the whole demand it. ** p. 16 * Aren't these [[liberals]], those reprobate defenders of [[W:Individualism#Liberalism|individualism]], ashamed to see the tears of the mothers and wives, or don't these cold-blooded accountants even notice? Have they already grown so inhuman that they are no longer capable of feeling? It is understandable why bolshevism simply removed such creatures. They were worthless to humanity, nothing but an encumbrance to their [[W:Volk (German word)#Nazi era|Volk]]. Even the bees get rid of the drones when they can no longer be of service to the hive. The Bolshevik procedures are thus quite natural. ** pp.16-17 * But first, there will have to be national socialism. Otherwise the people and their governments are not ready for the socialism of nations. It is not possible to be liberal to one's own country and demand socialism among nations. ** p. 170 * What Marxism, Leninism and Stalinism failed to accomplish, we shall be in a position to achieve. ** p. 149 * After all, that's exactly why we call ourselves National Socialists! We want to start by implementing [[W:Right-wing socialism|socialism]] in our nation among our Volk! It is not until the individual nations are socialist that they can address themselves to international socialism. ** p. 288 * But we National Socialists wish precisely to attract all socialists, even the Communists; we wish to win them over from their international camp to the national one. ** p. 26 {{disputed end}} {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == *The great masses of people will more easily fall victims to a big lie than to a small one. Especially if it is repeated again and again. **''Variant'': The bigger/more blatant a lie, the more people will believe it. ***This misquote could possibly have two possible sources: an abridged version of a [[Adolf_Hitler#Vol_I|paragraph]] in Mein Kampf regarding the [[w:Big Lie|Big Lie]], or a report by the United States [[w:Office of Strategic Services|Office of Strategic Services]] about Hitler's psychological profile[http://www.nizkor.org/hweb/people/h/hitler-adolf/oss-papers/text/oss-profile-03-02.html]. The second version is very close to an actual quote by [[Joseph Goebbels]]. *I do not see why man should not be as cruel as nature. **While the source of this misattribution is unknown, it is cited frequently across the internet, with no source.<ref>[https://hebrewnations.com/articles/quora/hitler/cruel.html Hebrew Nations]</ref><ref>[https://www.bartleby.com/essay/Why-Man-Should-Not-Be-As-Cruel-P39KTJNLCP9LX Why Man Should Not Be As Cruel As Nature], bartleby.com.</ref> * We are socialists, we are enemies of today's capitalistic economic system for the exploitation of the economically weak, with its unfair salaries, with its unseemly evaluation of a human being according to wealth and property instead of responsibility and performance, and we are all determined to destroy this system under all conditions. **This misattribution is sourced from John Toland. In ''Adolf Hitler: The Definitive Biography'' (1976), it is attributed to Hitler in a speech of May 1, 1927. It is recorded in ''Thoughts about the Tasks of the Future'' by Gregor Strasser on June 15, 1926. *The streets of our country are in turmoil. The universities are filled with students rebelling and rioting. Communists are seeking to destroy our country. Russia is threatening us with her might and the Republic is in danger. Yes, danger from within and from without. We need law and order. Yes, without law and order our nation cannot survive. Elect us and we shall restore law and order. **Reported as refuted in the ''Congressional Record'': Lou Hiner, Jr., "Hitler's Phony Quotation on Law and Order", May 21, 1970, vol. 116, pp. 1676–77, reprinted from the ''Indianapolis News''; and M. Stanton Evans, "The Hitler Quote", August 11, 1970, vol. 116, p. 28349, reprinted from the ''National Review Bulletin'' (August 18, 1970). *This year will go down in history! For the first time, a civilized nation has full gun registration! Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient, and the world will follow our lead into the future! :*Bernard Harcourt of the University of Chicago Law School said this is "probably a fraud and was likely never uttered" in Bernard E. Harcourt: "On gun registration, the NRA, Adolf Hitler, and Nazi gun laws: Exploding the gun culture wars", June 2004, University of Chicago Public Law and Legal Theory Working Paper No. 67, pp. 9–10. * The best way to take control over a people and control them utterly is to take a little of their freedom at a time, to erode their rights by a thousand tiny and almost imperceptible reductions. In this way the people will not see those rights and freedoms being removed until past the point at which those changes can be reversed. ** Fake quote, according to [http://www.snopes.com/hitler-control-quote/ ''snopes.com''] (11 Jan 2016) * The only religion I respect is Islam. The only prophet I admire is the Prophet Muhammad. ** Found in [[W:George Michael (professor)|George Michael]]'s 2006 book, ''{{w|The Enemy of My Enemy}}'',<ref>[https://books.google.com/books?id=RvLtAAAAMAAJ&q=%22the+only+religion+i+respect+is+islam%22 1]</ref> and also in Jake Neuman's 2015 book, ''Islam Sharia Law and Jihad are Treason''.<ref>[https://books.google.com/books?id=HjKKCgAAQBAJ&pg=PA203&dq="the+only+religion+i+respect+is+islam" 2]</ref> * Only one thing could have stopped our movement – if our adversaries had understood its principle and from the first day smashed with the utmost brutality the nucleus of our new movement. ** Only partially true. The full quote: ***Only one danger could have jeopardised this development – if our adversaries had understood its principle, established a clear understanding of these ideas, and not offered any resistance. Or, alternatively, if they had from the first day annihilated with the utmost brutality the nucleus of our new movement. ** He thought that if his adversaries had ignored the 'weakest' elements of his movement, they would harm the party. See ''[https://zuriz.wordpress.com/2013/10/06/smashing-the-nucleus/ zuriz]'' for more. *The whole of National Socialism is based on Marx. **Actually a misleading paraphrase of a comment attributed to him by Hermann Rauschning in ''Hitler Speaks'' (see the [[Adolf Hitler#Hitler Speaks (1940)|Disputed]] section); even if the quote is accurate, it only talks about being inspired by methods used by Marxists like "mass demonstrations", not Marxist theories or aims. From pp. 186-187: **"I have learned a great deal from Marxism, as I do not hesitate to admit," Hitler went on. "I don't mean their tiresome social doctrine or the materialist conception of history, or their absurd 'marginal utility' theories and so on. But I have learned from their methods. '''The difference between them and myself is that I have really put into practice what these peddlers and pen-pushers have timidly begun. The whole of National Socialism is based on it.''' Look at the workers' sports clubs, the industrial cells, the mass demonstrations, the propaganda leaflets written specially for the comprehension of the masses; all these new methods of political struggle are essentially Marxist in origin. All I had to do was to take over these methods and adapt them to our purpose. I had only to develop logically what Social Democracy repeatedly failed in because of its attempt to realize its evolution within the framework of democracy. National Socialism is what Marxism might have been if it could have broken its absurd and artificial ties with a democratic order. ... What remains is a revolutionary creative will that needs no ideological crutches, but grows into a ruthless instrument of might invincible in both the nation and the world. A doctrine of redemption based on science thus becomes a genuine revolutionary movement possessing all the requisites of power. ... It has no fixed aim." {{misattributed end}} == Quotes about Hitler == === Quotes before the end of World War II === :<small>'''(Note: many of the worst atrocities of Hitler's regime did not begin to become widely known until the final months of the war)'''</small> :<small>'''Sorted chronologically'''</small><!-- quotes of unknown date are at the bottom of this sub-section--> * He is credibly credited with being actuated by lofty, unselfish patriotism. He probably does not know himself just what he wants to accomplish. The keynote of his propaganda in speaking and writing is violent anti-Semitism. His followers are nicknamed the "Hakenkreuzler." So violent are Hitler's fulminations against the Jews that a number of prominent Jewish citizens are reported to have sought safe asylums in the [[w:Bavaria|Bavarian]] highlands, easily reached by fast motor cars, whence they could hurry their women and children when forewarned of an anti-Semitic [[w:St. Bartholomew's massacre|St. Bartholomew's night]]. * But several reliable, well-informed sources confirmed the idea that Hitler's [[Antisemitism|anti-Semitism]] was not so genuine or violent as it sounded, and that he was merely using anti-Semitic [[propaganda]] as a bait to catch masses of followers and keep them aroused, enthusiastic, and in line for the time when his organization is perfected and sufficiently powerful to be employed effectively for political purposes. * A sophisticated [[Politicians|politician]] credited Hitler with peculiar political cleverness for laying emphasis and over-emphasis on anti-Semitism, saying: "You can't expect the masses to understand or appreciate your finer real aims. You must feed the masses with cruder morsels and ideas like anti-Semitism. It would be politically all wrong to tell them the truth about where you really are leading them." ** Cyril Brown writing in ''The New York Times'' (November 21, 1922)[http://query.nytimes.com/mem/archive-free/pdf?res=9A0CE0D91E3EEE3ABC4951DFB7678389639EDE] * ''Los Hitler, los Mussolini.../¡Balas! ¡Balas! ¡Balas! ¡Balas!/Las dos víboras de Europa/que con la muerte se pactan.'' ** The Hitlers, the Mussolinis.../Bullets! Bullets! Bullets! Bullets!/The two vipers of [[Europe]]/who pact with death. ** ''Song of the Simple Truth: The Complete Poems of [[Julia de Burgos]]'' (1982) * Most respected and dear Hitler, ... It is hardly surprising that a man like that can give peace to a poor suffering spirit! Especially when he is dedicated to the service of the fatherland. My faith in Germandom has not wavered for a moment, though my hopes were—I confess—at a low ebb. With one stroke you have transformed the state of my soul. That Germany, in the hour of her greatest need, brings forth a Hitler—that is proof of her vitality ... that the magnificent [[Erich Ludendorff|Ludendorff]] openly supports you and your movement: What wonderful confirmation! I can now go untroubled to sleep ... May God protect you! ** [[Houston Stewart Chamberlain]], quoted in ''The Nazi Germany Sourcebook: An Anthology of Texts'' by Roderick Stackelberg and Sally Anne Winkle, 7 October 1923 * [[Vladimir Lenin|Lenin]] is the greatest man, second only to Hitler, and that the difference between Communism and the Hitler faith is very slight. ** [[w:Joseph Goebbels| Joseph Goebbels]], ''The New York Times'', "Hitlerite Riot in Berlin: Beer Glasses Fly When Speaker Compares Hitler to Lenin," November 28, 1925 (Goebbels' speech Nov. 27, 1925) * The final objective of the National-Socialist Party, Hitler makes clear, is to set up an organic people's state which will concentrate all of its energies upon promoting the interests of the Germans as a race apart. To this end Germany must work unceasingly for the acquisition of more land in Europe. This is one of Hitler's favorite theses and he returns to it at every opportunity. Before the war, he says, Germany was not a world power, and never will be a world power until she acquires more territory. The expansion of the race demands it. * But where is Germany to find the new territory she needs? From Russia, asserts Hitler. For centuries the German race pushed irresistibly to the south and west; now it must turn its gaze to the east. The fringe of small border states which now stand between Germany and Russia must not be allowed to block her path; in the affairs of a great people there is no place for altruism. * Of course France will never stand idly by and see Germany strengthen herself at Russia's expense, so [[France]] must be crushed first. France, says Hitler, will never be happy until Germany is destroyed; there is no defense against her, therefore, except to attack her. France is the mortal enemy, who must be broken before Germany can expand elsewhere. All this is to be accomplished, presumably, indeed, Hitler says as much, — through the help of alliances with [[England]] and [[Italy]]. That such a programme of conquest would again arouse the world against Germany, Hitler fails to see; or, if the possibility occurs to him, he waves it aside, drunk with his doctrine of the survival of the fittest, and his faith that the fittest of all are the Germans. ** Nicholas Fairweather [https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1932/04/hitler-and-hitlerism-germany-under-the-nazis/308961/ "Hitler and Hitlerism: Germany Under the Nazis"], <!-- Only known as ''The Atlantic'' since the Jan/Feb 2004 issue -->''The Atlantic Monthly'' (April 1932) * You have delivered up our holy German Fatherland to one of the greatest demagogues of all time. I solemnly prophesy that this accursed man will cast our Reich into the abyss and bring inconceivable misery upon our nation. Future generations will curse you in your grave for your action. ** [[Erich Ludendorff]] to [[w:Paul von Hindenburg|Paul von Hindenburg]] after he appointed Hitler to Chancellor (c. late January/early February 1933), as quoted in ''Hitler 1889&ndash;1936: Hubris'' by [[Ian Kershaw]] (page 427). * ''Herr Hitler är en förolämpning.'' ** Mr. Hitler is an insult. ** [[w:Torgny Segerstedt|Torgny Segerstedt]] in ''Göteborgs Handels- och Sjöfartstidning'' (3 February 1933). ** The article spurred [[Hermann Göring]] to [http://www.erixon.com/2/segerstedt.htm send a protest telegram] where he condemned the newspaper for its publication. *[''[[Mein Kampf]]'' makes clear beyond doubt] the principles which have guided him during the last fourteen years. He starts with the assertions that man is a fighting animal; therefore the nation is, he concludes, a fighting unit, being a community of fighters. Any living organism which ceases to fight for its existence is, he asserts, doomed to extinction. A country or a race which ceases to fight is equally doomed. The fighting capacity of a race depends on its purity. Hence the necessity for ridding it of foreign impurities. The Jewish race, owing to its universality, is of necessity pacifist and internationalist. Pacifism is the deadliest sin, for pacifism means the surrender of the race in the right for existence. The first duty of every country is, therefore, to nationalise the masses; intelligence is of secondary importance in the case of the individual; will and determination are of higher importance. The individual who is born to command is more valuable than countless thousands of subordinate natures. Only brute force can ensure the survival of the race. Hence the necessity for military forms. The German race, had it been united in time, would now be master of the globe today. The new Reich must gather within its fold all the scattered German elements in Europe. A race which has suffered defeat can be rescued by restoring its self-confidence. Above all things, the army must be taught to believe in its own invincibility. To restore the German nation again "it is only necessary to convince the people that the recovery of freedom by force of arms is a possibility"...<br>I fear that it would be misleading to base any hope for a return to sanity or a serious modification of the views of the Chancellor or his entourage. **[[w:Sir Horace Rumbold, 9th Baronet|Horace Rumbold]], despatch to the British Foreign Secretary, [[w:John Simon, 1st Viscount Simon|John Simon]] (26 April 1933), quoted in Martin Gilbert, ''Sir Horace Rumbold: Portrait of a Diplomat, 1869–1941'' (1973), pp. 377-378 * Among the higher leadership [in the Nazi Party], while there is still a certain unity, personalities are beginning to play a constantly greater part. Hitler is perhaps more powerful than before, but he becomes more and more a figure separated from actualities. He depends a great deal on [[Rudolf Hess|Hess]], who is really his confidential man now and whom it is likely he may make Foreign Minister. [[Hermann Göring|Goering]] and [[Goebbels]] still remain good comrades of Hitler and are undoubtedly attached to him, but the difference between Goering and Goebbels are becoming more evident. Goering is more moderate, while Goebbels, sensing the feeling of the masses and being above all an opportunist is becoming more radical. If it would come to a show-down between the radical and moderate elements, Goering would, however, undoubtedly be likely to be on the radical side as the one having the more chances. [...] If this Government remains in power for another year and carries on in the same measure in this direction, it will go far towards making Germany a danger to [[world peace]] for years to come.<br> This is a very disjointed and incoherent letter. I am dictating it under pressure as I wish to catch the courier pouch. What I do want to say really is that for the present this country is headed in directions which can only carry ruin to it and will create a situation here dangerous to world peace. With few exceptions, the men who are running this Government are of a mentality that you and I cannot understand. Some of them are psychopathic cases and would ordinarily be receiving treatment somewhere. Others are exalted and in a frame of mind that knows no reason. The majority are woefully ignorant and unprepared for the tasks which they have to carry through every day. Those men in the party and in responsible positions who are really worth-while, and there are quite a number of these, are powerless because they have to follow the orders of superiors who are suffering from the abnormal [[psychology]] prevailing in the country. ** [[w:George S. Messersmith|George S. Messersmith]], U.S. Consul General at Berlin to the Under Secretary of State, William Phillips, [http://udspace.udel.edu/handle/19716/6176 letter dated 26 June 1933] * For what is healthy and what is sick, every people and age gives itself its own law, according to the inner greatness and extension of its existence. Now the German people are in the process of rediscovering their own essence and making themselves worthy of their great destiny. Adolf Hitler, our great Führer and chancellor, created, through the National Socialist revolution, a new state by which the people will assure itself anew of the duration and continuity of [[History of Germany|its history]].... For every people, the first warranty of is authenticity and greatness is in its blood, its soil, and its physical growth. If it loses this good or even only allows it to become considerably weakened, all effort at state politics, all economic and technical ability, all spiritual action will remain in the end null and void. ** [[Martin Heidegger]], lecture at [[w:University of Freiburg|Freiburg University]], August 1933; as quoted by Emmanuel Faye (2009), ''Heidegger, The Introduction of Nazism into Philosophy in Light of the Unpublished Seminars of 1933-1935'', Yale University Press, transl. Michael B. Smith, p. 68 *Are we still dealing with the Hitler of ''Mein Kampf'', lulling his opponents to sleep with fair words in order to gain time to arm his own people? Or is it a new Hitler, who has discovered the burden of responsible office? ... That is the riddle that has to be solved. **[[w:Maurice Hankey, 1st Baron Hankey|Maurice Hankey]], 'Notes on Hitler's External Policy in Theory and in Practice', memorandum to the British government (24 October 1933), quoted in Stephen Roskill, ''Hankey, Man of Secrets: Volume III 1931–1963'' (1974), p. 85 * With exemplary bravery and with dreadful sacrifices, the German ''Volk'' held the onslaught of an entire world at bay for four years. But the political leadership failed woefully in this struggle against the poisoning of the German Volk and the undermining of the German law and its sense of honor. To this very day we still atone for the hesitations and paralyzed state of the [[German Empire|German governments]] during the World War. All moral outrage over the shame of such a collapse has coalesced in Adolf Hitler and has become in him the driving force of a political act. The experiences and warnings of the history of the German misfortune are alive in him. Most people are frightened by the severity of such warnings and would rather flee into an evasive and compensatory superficiality. The Führer, however, takes the warnings of German history quite seriously. This gives him the right and the power to found a new state and a [[New world order (politics)|new order]]. ** [[Carl Schmitt]], “Der Führer schützt das Recht: zur Reichstagsrede Adolf Hitlers vom 13. Juli 1934,” in his Positionen und Begriffe im Kampf mit Weimar—Genf—Versailles 1923–1939 (Hamburg: Hanseatische Verlagsanstalt, 1940), 198–201 * I don't like the look of him. ** [[Benito Mussolini]], to his aide after his first encounter with Hitler (1934), as quoted in ''The Gathering Storm'' (1946) by Winston Churchill * You will be interested to know that your work has played a powerful part in shaping the opinions of the group of [[Intellectual|intellectuals]] who are behind Hitler in this epoch-making program. Everywhere I sensed that their opinions have been tremendously stimulated by American thought... ** [[w:Charles Goethe|Charles Goethe]], writing to a colleague about American eugenics inspiring Hitler and other Nazi officials (1934), as quoted by Edwin Black, "[http://www.sfgate.com/opinion/article/Eugenics-and-the-Nazis-the-California-2549771.php Eugenics and the Nazis: The California Connection]", ''The San Francisco Gate'', November 9, 2003 *To be sure the Mussolinis and Hitlers are guilty of the same crime. They and their propaganda machines mow down every political opponent in their way. They also have added character assassination to the butchery of their victims. **[[Emma Goldman]] "The Tragedy of the Political Exiles" (1934) in ''The Nation'' * You [Hitler] may successfully resist any and all men, but you cannot successfully resist Jehovah God. ... In the name of [[Jehovah]] God and His anointed King, Christ [[Jesus]], I demand that you give order to all officials and servants of your government that [[w:Persecution of Jehovah's Witnesses in Nazi Germany|Jehovah's witnesses in Germany]] be permitted to peaceably assemble and without hindrance worship God. ** [[Joseph Franklin Rutherford]], cited in ''[[w:Awake!|Awake!]]'' magazine, 1995, 8/22, article: ''The Evils of Nazism Exposed'' ** On February 9, 1934, J. F. Rutherford, the president of the Watch Tower Society, sent a letter of protest to Hitler stating these words. As the Nazi rage against Jehovah's Witnesses reached new heights, the Witnesses' denunciations became ever more scathing. The May 15, 1940, issue of Consolation stated: "Hitler is such a perfect child of the Devil that these speeches and decisions flow through him like water through a well-built sewer". *Internationally the outlook is more disturbing. Despite the united front against war among the plain people of the earth, as expressed through conferences not only of pacifists, but of college faculty and students, of labor bodies, of women's associations, of radical and temperate organizations, the cloud of war darkens the horizon and the German influence cannot be ignored. Many people regard the Chancellor as insane or neurotic, perhaps in part because through all his denunciations and illogical conclusions he has shown no gleam of humor; nevertheless his leadership seems for the moment to sway the German nation. **[[Lillian Wald]] ''Windows on Henry Street'' (1934) *What is absolutely certain is that Germany intends to attack somewhere. Hitler's assurances are not to be believed, not even when he says that he has resigned [[w:Alsace-Lorraine|Alsace-Lorraine]]. Germany is bent first upon revenge, then upon domination. **[[w:Maxim Litvinov|Maxim Litvinov]], remarks to [[Anthony Eden]] (28 March 1935), quoted in Anthony Eden, ''The Eden Memoirs: Facing the Dictators'' (1962), p. 148 * [W]hen Hitler says that "the State dominates the nation because it alone represents it," he is only putting into loose popular language the formula of [[Hegel]], that "the State is the general substance, whereof individuals are but accidents." ** [[Albert Jay Nock]], ''Our Enemy, The State'', Caldwell, ID, The Caxton Printers (1950) pp. 21-22, first published in 1935 * One may dislike Hitler's system and yet admire his [[Patriotism|patriotic]] achievement. If our country were defeated, I hope we should find a champion as indomitable to restore our courage and lead us back to our place among the nations. ** [[Winston Churchill]], "Hitler and His Choice" in ''The Strand'' magazine (November 1935) [[File:Destruction in a Berlin street.jpg|thumb|We cannot tell whether Hitler will be the man who will once again let loose upon the world another war in which civilisation will irretrievably succumb, or whether he will go down in history as the man who restored honour and peace of mind to the [[Germany|Great Germanic nation]] (1935). ~ [[Winston Churchill]]]] * We cannot tell whether Hitler will be the man who will once again let loose upon the world another war in which [[Civilization|civilisation]] will irretrievably succumb, or whether he will go down in history as the man who restored honour and peace of mind to the [[Germany|Great Germanic nation]]. ** [[Winston Churchill]], "Hitler and His Choice" in ''The Strand'' magazine (November 1935) *Hitherto, Hitler's triumphant career has been borne onwards, not only by a passionate love of Germany, but by currents of hatred so intense as to sear the souls of those who swim upon them. **[[Winston Churchill]], "Hitler and His Choice", ''The Strand Magazine'' (November 1935), quoted in Martin Gilbert, ''Prophet of Truth: Winston S. Churchill, 1922–1939'' (1976), p. 680 * The recent speech of Herr Hitler in Munich gives the essence of Nazi philosophy … The new [[Racism|racial philosophy]] which has very weak foundation stands for the glorification of the [[White people|white races]] in general and the German race in particular. Herr Hitler has talked of the destiny of the white races to rule over the rest of the world … Apart from this new racial philosophy and selfish nationalism, there is another factor which affects us even more. Germany, in her desire to curry favour with [[United Kingdom|Great Britain]], finds it convenient to attack [[India]] and the Indian people. **[[Subhas Chandra Bose]], letter written in March 1936, in Sitanshu Das, Subhas: A Political Biography, Rupa Publications India, 2001. quoted from Sanjeev Sanyal - Revolutionaries, The Other Story of How India Won Its Freedom-HarperCollins India (2023) *If I read the future aright Hitler's government will confront Europe with a series of outrageous events and ever-growing military might. It is events which will show our dangers, though for some the lesson will come too late. **[[Winston Churchill]] to Lord Londonderry (6 May 1936), quoted in Martin Gilbert, ''Prophet of Truth: Winston S. Churchill, 1922–1939'' (1976), p. 733 * Hitler set up a [[tyranny]]: a state with a mighty [[police]] force, a growing [[Military|army]], a host of spies and informers, a secret [[espionage]], backed by swift and cruel [[punishment]], which migh vary from loss of job to [[Prison|imprisonment]], incommunicado and without [[Trials|trial]], to cold [[Homicide|murder]]. ** [[W. E. B. Du Bois]], ''The Hitler State'', ''Writing on National Socialism'', ''Pittsburgh Courier'', December 12, 1936. Republished in {{cite book |editor1-last=Aptheker |editor1-first=Herbert |editor1-link=w:Herbert Aptheker |title=Newspaper Columns: 1883-1944 |date=1986 |publisher=Kraus-Thomson Organization |isbn=978-0-527-25347-9 |page=145 |url=https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&id=iq9aAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22a+state+with+a+mighty+police+force%2C+a+growing+army%2C+a+host+of+spies+and+informers%2C+a+secret+espionage%2C+backed+by+swift+and+cruel+punishment%2C%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22Hitler+set+up+a+tyranny%3A+a+state+with+a+mighty+police+force%2C+a+growing+army%2C+a+host+of+spies+and+informers%2C+a+secret+espionage%2C+backed+by+swift+and+cruel+punishment%2C+which+migh+vary+from+loss+of+job+to+imprisonment%2C+incommunicado+and+without+trial%2C+to+cold+murder.%22}} * You protest, and with [[justice]], each time Hitler jails an opponent; but you forget that [[Stalin]] and company have jailed and murdered a thousand times as many. It seems to me, and indeed the evidence is plain, that compared to the [[Moscow]] brigands and [[Assassination|assassins]], Hitler is hardly more than a common [[Ku Klux Klan|Ku Kluxer]] and [[Mussolini]] almost a [[Philanthropy|philanthropist]]. ** [[H. L. Mencken]], in an open letter to [[Upton Sinclair]], printed in ''The American Mercury'', June 1936. * Hitler is a very great man, like an inspired religious leader, and as such rather fanatical, but not scheming, not selfish, not greedy for power, but a mystic, a visionary who really wants the best for his country. ** [[Anne Morrow Lindbergh]], quoted in ''Lindbergh'' by A. Scott Berg, 5 August 1936 * I thank heaven for a man like Adolf Hitler, who built a front line of defense against the [[Antichrist|anti-Christ]] of [[Communism]]. ** [[Frank Buchman]], [http://content.time.com/time/subscriber/article/0,33009,802554,00.html in an interview to the New York World-Telegram], 25 August 1936 * He is a very great man. "Führer" is the proper name for him, for he is a born leader, yes, and statesman. ** [[David Lloyd George]], A. J. Sylvester's diary entry (4 September 1936), Colin Cross (ed.), Life with Lloyd George. The Diary of A. J. Sylvester 1931-45 (London: Macmillan, 1975), p. 148. * I have never met a happier people than the Germans and Hitler is one of the greatest men. The old trust him; the young idolise him. It is the worship of a national hero who has saved his country. **[[David Lloyd George]], ''Daily Express'', September 17, 1936. *Hitler didn't snub me; it was [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|our president]] who snubbed me. The president didn't even send me a telegram. **[[Jesse Owens]] (15 October 1936), as quoted in [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/978-0-618-68822-7 ''Triumph: The Untold Story of Jesse Owens and Hitler's Olympics''] (2007), by Jeremy Schaap, New York: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, p. 211. *I have just returned from a visit to Germany. ... I have now seen the famous German leader and also something of the great change he has effected. Whatever one may think of his methods — and they are certainly not those of a [[Parliamentary system|Parliamentary country]] — there can be no doubt that he has achieved a marvellous transformation in the spirit of the people, in their attitude towards each other, and in their social and economic outlook.<br>One man has accomplished this miracle. He is a born leader of men. A magnetic dynamic personality with a single-minded purpose, a resolute will, and a dauntless heart. He is the national Leader. He is also securing them against that constant dread of [[starvation]] which is one of the most poignant memories of the last years of the war and the first years of the Peace. The establishment of a German hegemony in Europe which was the aim and dream of the old prewar militarism, is not even on the horizon of Nazism. ** [[David Lloyd George]], ''The Daily Express'' (17 November 1936) * As I talked to him, I could not but think of [[Joan of Arc]]. He is distinctly a mystic. Hewel was telling me that the German people, many of them, begin to feel that he was a mission from God, and some of them would seek to reverence him almost as a God. He said Hitler himself tries to avoid that kind of thing. He dislikes any of them thinking of him as anything but a humble citizen who is trying to serve his country well. He is a teetotaler and also a [[Vegetarianism|vegetarian]]. Is unmarried, abstemist in all his habits and ways. Indeed his life as one gathers it from those who are closest to him would appear to be that very much of a recluse, excepting that he comes in contact with youth and large number of people from time to time. ** [[William Lyon Mackenzie King]], [https://www.junobeach.org/fr/canada-in-wwii/articles/agression-et-impunite/w-l-mackenzie-kings-diary-june-29-1937-2/ in his diary], 29 June 1937 * [The Fuehrer] is one of those lonely men of the ages on whom history is not tested, but who themselves are the makers of history. ** [[Benito Mussolini]], as quoted in ''The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich'' by William L. Shirer, 28 September 1937 [[File:Duc_et_duchesse_de_Windsor_avec_Hitler_(1937).jpg|thumb|I never thought Hitler was such a bad chap. ~ [[W:Edward_VIII|Edward VIII]]]] * '''I never thought Hitler was such a bad chap'''. ** [[W:Edward_VIII|Edward VIII]], as quoted by [[w:Patrick Balfour, 3rd Baron Kinross|Patrick Balfour]] in ''Love conquers all in Books and Bookmen'', vol. 20 (1974) *Hitler was on the whole quiet and restrained, except now and again when he got excited; over Russia or the Press. I can quite see why he is a popular speaker; very much alive, eyes, which I was surprised were blue, moving about all the time, points in the argument reinforced by sharp gestures of the hands. And the play of emotion—sardonic humour, scorn, something almost wistful—is rapid. **[[Edward Wood, 1st Earl of Halifax|Lord Halifax]], diary entry (19 November 1937), quoted in Lord Halifax, ''Fulness of Days'' (1957), p. 188 *One had a feeling all the time that we had a totally different set of values and were speaking in a different language. It was not only the difference between a [[Totalitarianism|totalitarian]] and [[Democracy|democratic]] state. He gave me the impression of feeling that, whilst he had attained power only after a hard struggle with present-day realities, the [[Government of the United Kingdom|British Government]] was still living comfortably in a world of its own making, a fairy-land of strange, if respectable, illusions. It clung to shibboleths—‘collective security,’ ‘general settlement,’ ‘[[disarmament]],’ ‘non-aggression pacts’—which offered no practical prospect of a solution of Europe's difficulties. He regards the whole conception embodied in a League of States equal in their rights of [[sovereignty]] as unreal, based on no foundation of fact; and consequently does not believe that discussions between large numbers of nations, with varying interests and of quite unequal value, can lead anywhere. Hence his preference for dealing with particular problems in isolation. With this goes the distrust of the democratic method, to him inefficient, blundering, paralysed by its love of talk, and totally unsuited to the rough world, constantly changing, in which we had to live. **[[Edward Wood, 1st Earl of Halifax|Lord Halifax]], diary entry (19 November 1937), quoted in Lord Halifax, ''Fulness of Days'' (1957), p. 189 * For Hitler first hatred was not Communism, but [[w:Austria-Hungary|Austria-Hungary]]... And he loathed it for what? For its tolerance! He wanted eighty million Germans to rule with an iron hand an empire of eighty million 'inferiors'—Czechs, Slovaks, Magyars, Jews, Serbs, Poles and Croats. ** [[Dorothy Thompson]], "Let the Record Speak", Boston: MA, Houghton Mifflin Company (1939) p. 136 (newspaper column: "Write it Down," February 18, 1938) * Hitler was right in one thing. He calls the [[Jewish]] people a race and we are a race. ** Rabbi [[w:Stephen Samuel Wise|Stephen S. Wise]], (1938). "Dr. Wise Urges Jews To Declare Selves As Such." ''New York Herald Tribune'', 13 June 1938. p. 12 *I doubt whether [[Neville Chamberlain|Chamberlain]] or the Government yet realise the nature of the man with whom they are dealing, or his ultimate ambitions. Hitler is devoid of all honour and scruples. He has no regard for pledges, conventions or life. He is, in fact, evil. **[[w:Sir Horace Rumbold, 9th Baronet|Horace Rumbold]] to his son (22 September 1938), quoted in Martin Gilbert, ''Sir Horace Rumbold: Portrait of a Diplomat, 1869–1941'' (1973), p. 437 *[T]he fact remains that since Hitler's ascendancy to power all Jews without exception have been subjected to the most fiendish persecution and the most horrible indignities, besides being robbed of all of the possessions **[[Emma Goldman]] [https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/emma-goldman-on-zionism "On Zionism "] (1938) * In Germany the common people are peace-loving, ... The [[Devil]] has put his representative Hitler in control, a man who is of unsound mind, cruel, malicious and ruthless . . . He cruelly persecutes the Jews because they were once Jehovah's covenant people and bore the name of [[Jehovah]], and because Christ Jesus was a Jew. ** [[Joseph Franklin Rutherford]], cited in ''[[w:Awake!|Awake!]]'' magazine, 1995, 8/22, article: ''The Evils of Nazism Exposed'' ** On October 2, 1938, he delivered the address "Fascism or Freedom," in which he denounced Hitler in no uncertain terms. Rutherford regularly took to the airwaves, delivering powerful lectures on the satanic nature of Nazism. The lectures were rebroadcast globally and were printed for distribution by the millions. *Adolf Hitler never considered the domination of Europe as an end in itself. European conquest was but a step toward ultimate goals in all the other continents. It is unmistakably apparent to all of us that, unless the advance of Hitlerism is forcibly checked now, the Western Hemisphere will be within range of the Nazi weapons of destruction. **[[Franklin D. Roosevelt]], Radio Address Announcing an Unlimited National Emergency. Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/node/209607 *The belief that Hitler is [[Homosexuality|homosexual]] has probably developed (a) from the fact that he does show so many feminine characteristics and (b) from the fact that there were so many homosexuals in the Party during the early days and many continue to occupy important positions. ... '''There is a possibility that Hitler has participated in a homosexual relationship at some time in his life.''' **[https://ia801304.us.archive.org/33/items/APsychologicalAnalysisofAdolfHitler/A%20Psychological%20Analysis%20of%20Adolf%20Hitler.pdf ''A Psychological Analysis of Adolf Hitler: His Life and Legend''], [[w:Walter Charles Langer |Walter C. Langer]], Harvard psychologist, M.O. Branch Office of Strategic Service (OSS), Washington D.C. (1943) pp. 195-196 * The [[w:Sir John Simon|Chancellor of the Exchequer]] said it was the first time Herr Hitler had been made to retract – I think that was the word – in any degree. We really must not waste time after all this long Debate upon the difference between the [[w:Munich Agreement|positions reached at Berchtesgaden, at Godesberg and at Munich]]. They can be very simply epitomised, if the House will permit me to vary the metaphor. £1 was demanded at the pistol’s point. When it was given, £2 were demanded at the pistol’s point. Finally, the dictator consented to take £1 17s. 6d. and the rest in promises of goodwill for the future. ** [[Winston Churchill]], [https://winstonchurchill.org/resources/speeches/1930-1938-the-wilderness/the-munich-agreement/ On the Munich Agreement], 5 October 1938 * I have always said that if [[United Kingdom|Great Britain]] were defeated in war I hoped we should find a Hitler to lead us back to our rightful position among the nations. I am sorry, however, that he has not been mellowed by the great success that has attended him. The whole world would rejoice to see the Hitler of [[peace]] and [[tolerance]], and nothing would adorn his name in world history so much as acts of [[Greatness|magnanimity]] and of [[mercy]] and of [[pity]] to the forlorn and friendless, to the weak and poor... Let this great man search his own heart and conscience before he accuses anyone of being a warmonger. ** [[Winston Churchill]], "Mr. Churchill's Reply" in ''The Times'' (7 November 1938) This was in response to Hitler denouncing Churchill as a "warmonger". * Most cruel joke of all, however, has been played by Hitler & Co. on those German capitalists and small businessmen who once backed National Socialism as a means of saving Germany's bourgeois economic structure from radicalism. The Nazi credo that the individual belongs to the state also applies to business. Some businesses have been confiscated outright, on others what amounts to a capital tax has been levied. Profits have been strictly controlled. Some idea of the increasing [[Planned economy|Governmental control]] and interference in business could be deduced from the fact that 80% of all building and 50% of all industrial orders in Germany originated last year with the Government. Hard-pressed for foodstuffs as well as funds, the Nazi regime has taken over large estates and in many instances collectivized agriculture, a procedure fundamentally similar to [[Marxism–Leninism|Russian Communism]]. ** "Adolf Hitler: Man of the Year, 1938", ''[[w:Time (magazine)|Time]]''; January 2, 1939. * There is no question but that '''Hitler belongs in the category of the truly mystic medicine man.''' As somebody commented about him at the last Nürnberg party congress, since the time of [[Muhammad|Mohammed]] nothing like it has been seen in this world. '''His body does not suggest strength. The outstanding characteristic of his physiognomy is its dreamy look.''' I was especially struck by that when I saw pictures taken of him in the Czechoslovakian crisis; '''there was in his eyes the look of a seer. This markedly mystic characteristic of Hitler's is what makes him do things which seem to us illogical, inexplicable, and unreasonable. ... So you see, Hitler is a medicine man, a spiritual vessel, a demi-deity or, even better, a myth.''' ** [[Carl Jung]], During an interview with H. R.<!-- Hubert Renfro --> Knickerbocker, first published in ''Hearst's International Cosmopolitan'' (January 1939), in which Jung was asked to diagnose [[Adolf Hitler]], [[Benito Mussolini]], and [[Joseph Stalin]], later published in ''Is Tomorrow Hitler's?'' (1941), by H. R. Knickerbocker, also published in ''The Seduction of Unreason : The Intellectual Romance with Fascism'' (2004) by Richard Wolin, Ch. 2 : Prometheus Unhinged : C. G. Jung and the Temptations of Aryan Religion, p. 75. * '''No nation keeps its word. A nation is a big, blind [[Worms|worm]], following what? Fate perhaps. A nation has no [[Honor|honour]], it has no word to keep. ... Hitler is himself the nation. That incidentally is why Hitler always has to talk so loud, even in private conversation — because he is speaking with 78 million voices.''' ** [[Carl Jung]], During an interview with H. R.<!-- Hubert Renfro --> Knickerbocker (1939), quoted in ''A Life of Jung'' (2002) by Ronald Hayman, p. 360 * We do not know whether Hitler is going to found a new Islam. He is already on the way; he is like Mohammad. The emotion in Germany is Islamic; warlike and Islamic. They are all drunk with wild god. That can be the historic future. **[[Carl Jung]], The Symbolic Life, 1939. * It is quite clear that you are today the one person in the world who can prevent a war which may reduce humanity to the savage state. Must you pay that price for an object however worthy it may appear to you to be? Will you listen to the appeal of one who has deliberately shunned the method of war not without considerable success? **[[Mahatma Gandhi]]. Letter addressed to Hitler. 23 July 1939 (Collected Works, vol. 70, pp. 20–21). Quoted from [[Koenraad Elst]]: Return of the Swastika (2007). (Also in [https://web.archive.org/web/20100310135408/http://koenraadelst.bharatvani.org/articles/fascism/gandhihitler.html])<!--- Also in [[Elst, Koenraad]] (2018). Why I killed the Mahatma: Uncovering Godse's defence. New Delhi : Rupa, 2018. Appendix 3. ---> *[[w:Ivone Kirkpatrick|Kirkpatrick]]...says...that once one begins to work with him, or sees him dealing with great affairs, one has such a sense of evil arrogance that one is almost nauseated. He confesses that he has been rendered physically sick by some of the interviews that he has witnessed. [[Evil]] and [[Betrayal|treachery]] and malice dart into Hitler's mystic eyes. ... We asked Kirkpatrick what gave him his sense of actual evil. He said that after Hitler had flown from [[w:Godesberg|Godesberg]] to Munich to murder Roehm, he returned in the very highest spirits, mimicking to his secretary the gestures of fear which [[Ernst Röhm|Roehm]] had made. **[[Harold Nicolson]]'s diary (30 August 1939), quoted in Harold Nicolson, ''Diaries and Letters, 1930–1939'', ed. Nigel Nicolson (1966), pp. 414–415 *He failed to realise why his military-cum-[[Police state|police tyranny]] should be repugnant to British ideals of individual and national [[freedom]] and [[liberty]], or why he should not be allowed a free hand in [[Central and Eastern Europe]] to subjugate smaller and, as he regards them, inferior peoples to superior German rule and culture. He believed he could buy British acquiescence in his own far-reaching schemes by offers of alliance with and guarantees for the [[British Empire]]. Such acquiescence was indispensable to the success of his ambitions and he worked unceasingly to secure it. His great mistake was his complete failure to understand the inherent British sense of [[morality]], [[humanity]] and freedom. **[[Nevile Henderson]], British Ambassador to Germany, final report to the British Foreign Secretary (20 September 1939), quoted in ''The Times'' (18 October 1939), p. 7 *[[w:Carl Jacob Burckhardt|Burckhardt]] ... says that Hitler has a dual personality, the first being that of the rather gentle artist, and the second that of the homicidal maniac. He is convinced that Hitler has no complete confidence in himself and that his actions are really governed by somnambulist certainty. He says that the main energy in Hitler is an energy of hatred, and that he has never met any human being capable of generating so terrific a condensation of envy, vituperation and malice. **[[Harold Nicolson]]'s diary (3 October 1939), quoted in Harold Nicolson, ''Diaries and Letters, 1939–1945'', ed. Nigel Nicolson (1967), p. 39 * The "Conqueror from [[Berlin]]," as he has named himself, has completely conquered Germany. And not only that. Unfortunately, many, all too many Germans living abroad, also have fallen for the cunning propaganda. ** [[w:Friedrich Kellner|Friedrich Kellner]], ''[[w:My Opposition|My Opposition]]'', Diary entry of 24 October 1939. * (pg 59) [Hitler] was profoundly imbued with German paganism, more so, perhaps, than Ludendorff or Rosenberg himself.<br>(pg 93) Hitler is an atheist. **[[w:Otto Strasser | Otto Strasser]], ''Hitler and I'', Boston: MA, Houghton Mifflin Company (1940) * Hitler could not have succeeded against his many [[Rivalry|rivals]] if it had not been for the attraction of his own [[personality]], which one can feel even in the clumsy writing of ''[[Mein Kampf]]'', and which is no doubt overwhelming when one hears his [[Public speaking|speeches]]. I should like to put it on record that I have never been able to dislike Hitler. Ever since he came to power—till then, like nearly everyone, I had been deceived into thinking that he did not matter—I have reflected that I would certainly kill him if I could get within reach of him, but that I could feel no personal animosity. The fact is that there is something deeply appealing about him. One feels it again when one sees his [[Photography|photographs]]—and I recommend especially the photograph at the beginning of Hurst and Blackett's edition, which shows Hitler in his early Brownshirt days. It is a pathetic, dog-like face, the face of a man suffering under intolerable wrongs. In a rather more manly way it reproduces the expression of innumerable pictures of Christ crucified, and there is little doubt that that is how Hitler sees himself. The initial, personal cause of his grievance against the universe can only be guessed at; but at any rate the grievance is there. He is the martyr, the victim, [[Prometheus]] chained to the rock, the self-sacrificing hero who fights single-handed against impossible odds. If he were killing a mouse he would know how to make it seem like a dragon. One feels, as with [[Napoleon I of France|Napoleon]], that he is fighting against destiny, that he ''can't'' win, and yet that he somehow deserves to. The attraction of such a pose is of course enormous; half the films that one sees turn upon some such theme.<br>Also he has grasped the falsity of the [[Hedonism|hedonistic]] attitude to life. Nearly all western thought since the last war, certainly all "[[Progressivism|progressive]]" thought, has assumed tacitly that human beings desire nothing beyond ease, security and avoidance of pain. In such a view of life there is no room, for instance, for patriotism and military virtues. The Socialist who finds his children playing with soldiers is usually upset, but he is never able to think of a substitute for the tin soldiers; tin pacifists somehow won't do. Hitler, because in his own joyless mind he feels it with exceptional [[strength]], knows that [[Human|human beings]] ''don't'' only want [[comfort]], safety, short working-hours, hygiene, [[Birth control|birth-control]] and, in general, [[common sense]]; they also, at least intermittently, want [[Fighting|struggle]] and [[self-sacrifice]], not to mention [[Drum|drums]], [[Flag|flags]] and loyalty-parades. However they may be as economic theories, [[Fascism]] and Nazism are psychologically far sounder than any hedonistic conception of life. The same is probably true of [[Stalinism|Stalin's militarised version of Socialism]]. All three of the great [[Dictatorship|dictators]] have enhanced their power by imposing intolerable burdens on their peoples. Whereas Socialism, and even capitalism in a more grudging way, have said to people "I offer you a good time," Hitler has said to them "I offer you struggle, danger and death," and as a result a whole nation flings itself at his feet. Perhaps later on they will get sick of it and change their minds, as at the end of the last war. After a few years of [[Death|slaughter]] and [[starvation]] "Greatest happiness of the greatest number" is a good slogan, but at this moment "Better an end with horror than a horror without end" is a winner. Now that we are fighting against the man who coined it, we ought not to underrate its emotional appeal. ** [[George Orwell]], [http://boingboing.net/2014/08/17/orwells-review-of-mein-kampf.html Review of ''Mein Kampf''] (March, 1940) * Hitler is a prodigious genius. ** [[David Lloyd George]], A. J. Sylvester's diary entry (7 July 1940), Colin Cross (ed.), ''Life with Lloyd George. The Diary of A. J. Sylvester 1931-45'' (London: Macmillan, 1975), p. 275. * That I address you as a friend is no formality. I own no foes. My business in life has been for the past 33 years to enlist the friendship of the whole of humanity by befriending mankind, irrespective of race, colour or creed. ... But your own writings and pronouncements and those of your friends and admirers leave no room for doubt that many of your acts are monstrous and unbecoming of human dignity, especially in the estimation of men like me who believe in human friendliness. Such are your humiliation of [[w:Czechoslovakia|Czechoslovakia]], the rape of [[Poland]] and the swallowing of [[Denmark]]. I am aware that your view of life regards such spoliations as virtuous acts. But we have been taught from [[childhood]] to regard them as acts degrading [[humanity]]... No spoliator can compass his end without a certain degree of [[Cooperation|co-operation]], willing or unwilling, of the victim.... The rulers may have our land and bodies but not our souls... You are leaving no legacy to your people of which they would feel proud. **[[Mahatma Gandhi]]. Letter to Hitler. 24 December 1940. Quoted from [[Koenraad Elst]]: Return of the Swastika (2007). (Also in [https://web.archive.org/web/20100310135408/http://koenraadelst.bharatvani.org/articles/fascism/gandhihitler.html])<!--- Also in [[Elst, Koenraad]] (2018). Why I killed the Mahatma: Uncovering Godse's defence. New Delhi : Rupa, 2018. Appendix 3. ---> * I felt, that in the mind of Hitler there was much of spiritual matters, transcending material plans. When I met the Führer he said that since boyhood he had been attracted by Japan. He read carefully reports of [[Empire of Japan|Japan]]'s victory over [[Russian Empire|Russia]] when he was only 17 years old and was impressed by Japan's astonishing strength. ** [[Tomoyuki Yamashita]], quoted in [http://content.time.com/time/subscriber/article/0,33009,773077-2,00.html ''Time''] 1940 * Both [[anti-fascism]] and [[w:Anti-communism|anti-communism]] have utterly lost their meaning since Hitler and Stalin have ceased to conceal their alliance from the world. [...] I predicted the cooperation between the Nazis and Bolsheviks as early as 1925 in my article "Anti-Marxism." ** [[Ludwig von Mises]] ([1940], 1998). <I>Interventionism: An Economic Analysis</i>, trans. Thomas Francis McManus and Heinrich Bund, ed. Bettina Bien Greaves. Irvington-on-Hudson, NY: Foundation for Economic Education, Inc. {{ISBN|1-57246-071-7}} p. xiv. * Hitler does not have a new secret [[weapon]] at his disposal. He does not owe his victory to an excellent [[w:Intelligence service|intelligence service]] which informs him of the plans of his opponents. Even the much-talked-of "[[w:Fifth column|fifth column]]" was not decisive. He won because the supposed opponents were already quite sympathetic to the ideas for which he stood. [...]<br/> An ideological struggle cannot be fought successfully with constant concessions to the principles of the enemy. Those who refute capitalism because it supposedly is inimical to the interest of the masses, those who proclaim "as a matter of course" that after the victory over Hitler the [[market economy]] will have to be replaced by a better system and, therefore, everything should be done now to make the government control of [[business]] as complete as possible, are actually fighting for [[totalitarianism]].<br/>The "progressives" who today masquerade as "liberals" may rant against "fascism"; yet it is their policy that paves the way for Hitlerism.<br/>Nothing could have been more helpful to the success of the National-Socialist (Nazi) movement than the methods used by the "[[Progressivism|progressives]]," denouncing Nazism as a party serving the interests of "[[capital]]." ** [[Ludwig von Mises]] ([1940], 1998). <I>Interventionism: An Economic Analysis</i>, trans. Thomas Francis McManus and Heinrich Bund, ed. Bettina Bien Greaves. Irvington-on-Hudson, NY: Foundation for Economic Education, Inc. {{ISBN|1-57246-071-7}} p. 88. * German workers are the most reliable supporters of the Hitler regime. Nazism has won them over completely by eliminating unemployment and by reducing the entrepreneurs to the status of shop managers (Betriebsführer). Big business, shopkeepers, and peasants are disappointed. Labor is well satisfied and will stand by Hitler, unless the war takes a turn which would destroy their hope for a better life after the peace treaty. Only military reverses can deprive Hitler of the backing of the German workers.<br/> The fact that the capitalists and [[entrepreneurs]], faced with the alternative of Communism or Nazism, chose the latter, does not require any further explanation. They preferred to live as shop managers under Hitler than to be "liquidated" as "[[Bourgeoisie|bourgeois]]" by [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]]. [[Capitalism|Capitalists]] don't like to be killed any more than other people do. What pernicious effects may be produced by believing that the German workers are opposed to Hitler was proved by the English tactics during the first year of the war. The government of Neville Chamberlain firmly believed that the war would be brought to an end by a revolution of the German workers. Instead of concentrating on vigorous arming and fighting, they had their planes drop leaflets over Germany telling the German workers that England was not fighting this war against them, but against their oppressor, Hitler. The English government knew very well, they said, that the German people, particularly labor, were against war and were only forced into it by their self-imposed dictator. ** [[Ludwig von Mises]] ([1940], 1998). <I>Interventionism: An Economic Analysis</i>, trans. Thomas Francis McManus and Heinrich Bund, ed. Bettina Bien Greaves. Irvington-on-Hudson, NY: Foundation for Economic Education, Inc. {{ISBN|1-57246-071-7}} p. 89. * ...we find an article in ''Harper's'' describing with a good deal of gusto the financial operations of the Hitler regime. We are told that we must not let the brutality of German political policy "divert our attention from the German financial program. <i>It is revolutionary and it is successful.</i>" The author then tells us that if we will look behind the dictatorship we may possibly find "clues to the nature of our own recent financial ills, indicating what has been wrong and <i>what can be done</i> to strengthen economic democracy now and in the future." The men who built this German system are called men of unquestioned genius. It is becoming clear that "Germany's internal financial program is removing the limitations of her financial environment on rates of productive activity. For years prior to the present war German industry operated at capacity. To do these things she is changing capitalism but she is not destroying it."<br>Of course there is nothing new about Hitler's financial operation, as anyone who has read the German chapter of this volume will remember. It is merely the adoption by Hitler of the spending and borrowing tactics of his predecessors, whom he so roundly denounced. Hitler was doing little more than Mussolini was doing, than the [[Republic|republicans]] and [[Social democracy|Social Democrats]] did before him in [[Weimar Republic|Germany]], and what the old Italian and German Ministers did before the last war. ** [[w:John T. Flynn|John T. Flynn]] (1944) <i>As We Go Marching</i> Doubleday and Company, pp. 183-184, quoting "The German Financial Revolution," by Dal Hitchcock, <i>[[w:Harper's Magazine|Harper's Magazine]]</i>, Vol. 182, February 1941. Italics as in original * At the outset of the German Government's movement against the Jews, an American visitor asked Herr Hitler why he was making it so ruthless. The Reichskanzler replied that he had got the idea from us. Americans, he said, are the great rope and lamppost artists [i.e., lynching] of the world, known of all men as such. He was using the same methods against the Jews that we used against the [[w:Loyalist (American Revolution)|loyalists]] of [[American Revolution|'76]], the [[w:Native Americans in the United States|Indians]], the [[Chinese people|Chinese]] on the [[w:West Coast of the United States|Western coast]], the [[African American|Negroes]], the [[Mexicans]], the [[Filipinos]] — every helpless people in fact whom we had ever chanced to find underfoot. ** [[Albert Jay Nock]], "The Jewish Problem in America," ''Atlantic Monthly'', June, 1941. * '''If Hitler invaded [[Hell]], I would make at least a favourable reference to the devil in the [[House of Commons]].''' ** [[Winston Churchill]], To his personal secretary John Colville the evening before Operation Barbarossa, the German invasion of the Soviet Union (June 1941). As quoted by Andrew Nagorski in ''The Greatest Battle'' (2007), Simon & Schuster, pp. 150-151 {{ISBN|0743281101}}. * Hitler is a monster of wickedness, insatiable in his lust for blood and plunder. Not content with having all Europe under his heel, or else terrorised into various forms of abject submission, he must now carry his work of butchery and desolation among the vast multitudes of [[Russia]] and of [[Asia]]. The terrible military machine - which we and the rest of the civilised world so foolishly, so supinely, so insensately allowed the Nazi gangsters to build up year by year from almost nothing - cannot stand idle lest it rust or fall to pieces. ... So now this bloodthirsty guttersnipe must launch his mechanized armies upon new fields of slaughter, pillage and devastation. ** [[Winston Churchill]], Radio broadcast on the German invasion of Russia, June 22, 1941. In The Churchill War Papers : 1941 (1993), W.W. Norton, pp. 835-836 {{ISBN|0393019594}}. [[File:Jane Kelly. Psychosis 1.jpg|thumb|[[James Branch Cabell|Cabell]] and Hitler did not inhabit the same [[universe]]. ~ [[w:Alfred Kazin|Alfred Kazin]]]] * '''[[James Branch Cabell|Cabell]] and Hitler did not inhabit the same [[universe]].''' ** [[w:Alfred Kazin|Alfred Kazin]], ''On Native Grounds : An Interpretation of Modern American Prose Literature'' (1941), p. 231. * I have in this War a burning private grudge—which would probably make me a better soldier at 49 than I was at 22: against that ruddy little ignoramus Adolf Hitler (for the odd thing about demonic inspiration and impetus is that it in no way enhances the purely intellectual stature: it chiefly affects the mere will). Ruining, perverting, misapplying, and making for ever accursed, that noble northern spirit, a supreme contribution to Europe, which I have ever loved, and tried to present in its true light. ** [[J. R. R. Tolkien]] ''The Letters of J. R. R. Tolkien'' No. 45: To his son [[w:Michael Tolkien|Michael Tolkien]] (1941-06-09). *Is it really true that [[Wehrmacht|German fascist troops]] are invincible, as is ceaselessly trumpeted by the boastful [[Fascism|fascist]] [[Propaganda|propagandists]]? Of course not! History shows that there are no invincible armies and never have been. [[Napoleon]]'s army was considered invincible but it was beaten successively by [[Imperial Russian Army|Russian]], [[British Army|English]] and German armies. [[Wilhelm II, German Emperor|Kaiser Wilhelm]]'s German Army in the period of the first [[Imperialism|imperialist]] war was also considered invincible, but it was beaten several times by the [[w:Allies_of_World_War_I|Russian and Anglo-French forces]] and was finally smashed by the Anglo-French forces. The same must be said of Hitler's German fascist army today. This army had not yet met with serious resistance on the continent of Europe. Only on our territory has it met serious resistance. And if, as a result of this resistance, the finest divisions of Hitler's German fascist army have been defeated by our Red Army, it means that this army too can be smashed and will be smashed as were the armies of Napoleon and Wilhelm. **[[Joseph Stalin]], [https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/stalin-speaks-to-the-people-of-the-soviet-union-on-german-invasion-july-1941 Speech to the People of the Soviet Union on German Invasion], July 3, 1941 *"Progress" is for the convinced ochlocrats a consoling [[Utopia]] of madly increased comfort and technicism. This charming but dull vision was always the pseudoreligious consolation of millions of ecstatic believers in ochlocracy and in the relative perfection and wisdom of Mr. and Mrs. Averageman. Utopias in general are surrogates for heaven; they give a meager solace to the individual that his sufferings and endeavors may enable future generations to enter the chiliastic paradise. Communism works in a similar way. Its millennium is almost the same as that of ochlocracy. The Millennium of [[Lenin]], the Millennium of [[Edward Bellamy|Bellamy]], the Millennium as represented in [[H. G. Wells|H. G. Wells's]], "Of Things to Come," the Millennium of Adolf Hitler and [[Henry Ford]] — they are all basically the same; they often differ in their means to attain it but they all agree in the point of technical perfection and the classless or at least totally homogeneous society without grudge or envy. ** [[Erik von Kuehnelt-Leddihn]], writing under the pen name Francis Stewart Campbell (1943), <i>Menace of the Herd, or, Procrustes at Large</i>, Milwaukee, WI: The Bruce Publishing Company, pp. 35-36. * [Hitler is] a veritable <I>[[w:Reductio ad absurdum|reductio ad absurdum]]</i> of "progressive" thought. ** Francis Stuart Campbell, pen name of [[w:Erik von Kuehnelt-Leddihn|Erik von Kuehnelt-Leddihn]] (1943), <i>Menace of the Herd, or, Procrustes at Large</i>, Milwaukee, WI: The Bruce Publishing Company, p. 159. * It must be emphasized that an intensive study of national socialistic "[[prehistory]]" reveals a curious lack of original thought in Hitler's concepts; Hitler's strength consists solely in the clever use of <I>already existing</i> trends, ideas, and situations. It lies in the very nature of mass leaders that they cannot be "original"; the mass leader is necessarily a <I>virtuoso</I> of commonplaces which he may or may not repeat in the guise of a "new discovery." The modern dictator is not out to contradict but to confirm already existing views (and prejudices). ** Francis Stuart Campbell, pen name of [[w:Erik von Kuehnelt-Leddihn|Erik von Kuehnelt-Leddihn]] (1943), <i>Menace of the Herd, or, Procrustes at Large</i>, Milwaukee, WI: The Bruce Publishing Company, p. 201. * An extended chapter of our talk was devoted by the Führer to the vegetarian question. He believes more than ever that [[meat]]-eating is harmful to humanity. Of course he knows that during the war we cannot completely upset our food system. After the war, however, he intends to tackle this problem also. Maybe he is right. Certainly the arguments that he adduces in favor of his standpoint are very compelling. ** [[Joseph Goebbels]], Louis P. Lochner (trans.) (1993). The Goebbels Diaries. Charter Books. p. 679. ISBN 0-441-29550-9. *The Fuhrer is deeply religious, though completely anti-Christian. He views Christianity as a symptom of decay. Rightly so. It is a branch of the Jewish race.” ** [[Joseph Goebbels]] ''The Goebbels Diaries 1939-1941'', ed. and trans, Fred Taylor (New York, NY: G.P. Putnam’s Sons, 1983, p. 77, Entry: Dec. 29, 1939) * Do you know that your Führer is a vegetarian, and that he does not eat meat because of his general attitude toward life and his love for the world of animals? Do you know that your Führer is an exemplary friend of animals, and even as a chancellor, he is not separated from the animals he has kept for years?...The Führer is an ardent opponent of any torture of animals, in particular vivisection, and has declared to terminate those conditions...thus fulfilling his role as the savior of animals, from continuous and nameless torments and pain. " ** ''Neugeist/Die Weisse Fahne'' (contemporaneous pro-Nazi children's magazine) * So the bastard's dead? Too bad we didn't capture him alive! **[[Joseph Stalin]], Said in April 1945 — On hearing of [[Hitler|Hitler's]] suicide, as quoted in [http://militera.lib.ru/memo/russian/zhukov1/22.html ''The Memoirs of [[w:Georgy Zhukov|Georgy Zhukov]]'']. * Adolf Hitler<br>I'm not worthy to speak up for Adolf Hitler, and to any sentimental rousing his life and deeds do not invite.<br>Hitler was a warrior, a warrior for humankind and a preacher of the gospel of justice for all nations. He was a reforming character of the highest order, and his historical fate was that he functioned in a time of exampleless [i.e., unequalled] brutality, which in the end felled him.<br>Thus may the ordinary Western European look at Adolf Hitler. And we, his close followers, bow our heads at his death. ** [[Knut Hamsun]], Norwegian author and Nobel Prize-winner, obituary of Hitler published in the May 7, 1945 evening edition of ''[[w:Aftenposten|Aftenposten]]''<ref name= NYT_2009-02-27> {{ cite news |url=http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/28/books/28hams.html?scp=1&sq=Knut+Hamsun+hitler+warrior+prophet&st=nyt |title=Norwegian Nobel Laureate, Once Shunned, Is Now Celebrated |last=Gibbs |first=Walter |newspaper=The New York Times |date=27 February 2009 |quote= |accessdate=16 May 2011}}</ref> * Adolf Hitler was a [[Joan of Arc|Jeanne d'Arc]], a [[Saints|saint]]. He was a [[Martyrdom|martyr]]. Like many martyrs, he held extreme views. ** [[Ezra Pound]], in an interview with Edd Johnson, published in [https://archive.org/details/ezra-pound_DOJ-CD/page/n143/mode/2up ''The Chicago Sun''] (9 May 1945) ** [https://archive.org/details/chambersdictiona0000unse_n1u1/page/692/mode/2up ''Chambers Dictionary of Great Quotations''] (2015), p. 692 * Every word that comes from Hitler's mouth is a lie. When he says peace, he means war, and when he blasphemously uses the name of the Almighty, he means the power of evil, the fallen angel, [[Satan]]. His mouth is the foul-smelling maw of Hell, and his might is at bottom accursed. True, we must conduct a struggle against the National Socialist terrorist state with rational means; but whoever today still doubts the reality, the existence of demonic powers, has failed by a wide margin to understand the metaphysical background of this war. ** The [[White Rose]], Fourth Leaflet. * Freedom and honour! For ten long years Hitler and his coadjutor have manhandled, squeezed, twisted, and debased these two splendid German words to the point of nausea, as only dilettantes can, casting the highest values of a nation before swine. They have sufficiently demonstrated in the ten years of destruction of all material and intellectual freedom, of all moral substance among the German people, what they understand by freedom and honour. The frightful bloodbath has opened the eyes of even the stupidest German—it is a slaughter which they arranged in the name of "freedom and honour of the German nation" throughout Europe, and which they daily start anew. ** The [[White Rose]], Sixth leaflet. * Shaken and broken, our people behold the loss of the men of Stalingrad. Three hundred and thirty thousand German men have been senselessly and irresponsibly driven to death and destruction by the inspired strategy of our World War I Private First Class. Führer, we thank you! ** The [[White Rose]], Sixth leaflet. * He was a warrior, a warrior for mankind, and a prophet of the gospel of justice for all nations. ** [[Knut Hamsun]], upon hearing of Hitler's death.[http://www.kirjasto.sci.fi/khamsun.htm] ====''The House That Hitler Built'' (1937; rev. edn., September 1938)==== :<small>'''by [[w:Stephen Henry Roberts|Stephen H. Roberts]], New York: Harper & Brothers'''</small> *I think that he is primarily a dreamer, a visionary... He is so transparently honest when he is weaving visions of his own creation that nobody can doubt him. He is ready, like a medieval saint, to go through fire and water for his beliefs. I am not certain that he would not actually like being tortured; he would love playing the martyr, if only for his own mental delectation. He sees himself as a crusader; he thinks the whole time of saving mankind. That is why he reaches such a stage of mystical exaltation when he talks about saving the world from Bolshevism. It is the old [[w:Sigurd|Siegfried]] complex once again. Just as the young German [[knight]] of old went out into the dim, dark forests to kill dragons, so he goes out to exterminate Bolshevism. He is simply living again the romantic frescoes which mad [[w:Ludwig II of Bavaria|King Ludwig]] painted round his castles to express the [[Richard Wagner|Wagnerian]] operas, and Hitler's spectacles are nothing more than an enlargement of this [[Richard Wagner|Wagnerian]] drop-scene, with the improvements offered by modern science.<br>That accounts for his popular appeal, and it also makes him dangerous. **pp. 7-9 *Nobody would claim that Hitler is of outstanding mental stature. If he really expresses the [[w:Romanticism|Romantic Ideal]] carried to the point of absurdity, and if romanticism is the liberation of the less conscious levels of the mind...extreme mental clarity would not be expected from him. His life, as I see it, can be expressed as an attempt at escaping from reality and a more or less constant intoxication of his imagination by a free indulgence in fantasy. He has none of that "great measuring virtue" without which [[John Ruskin|Ruskin]] asserts true greatness is impossible. The [[w:Psychoanalysis|psycho-analysts]] have a marvellous subject for discussion in Herr Hitler. Some of them say that he shows the salient features of schizophrenia (split personality) because of his overwhelming ambition and conceit, his favourite role of himself as the saviour of mankind and his habit of speaking as if he received personal revelations from the Deity. Others hold that he is a manic-depressive; others again a paranoiac... The typical paranoid is terrified of imaginary persecutors, and defends himself against this fear by the annihilation in fantasy of his persecutors. Sometimes, as in the case of Hitler, the annihilation can to some extent be translated from fantasy into fact. Hitler's persecution of the Jews and Communists, for instance, can be explained from this point of view. This is all a matter for the experts, of course, but some of the facts certainly appear as evidence for the psycho-analyst's stress on Hitler's persecution mania, his ways of escape from reality, his great anxieties, his over-keen but distorted observation of realities, his alternating moods of melancholy and elation, his recurring doubts of himself—and contrasting sense of omnipotence. **p. 11 *[[Abstraction|Abstract]] [[intelligence]] and [[logic]] are not necessary in his scheme of things. He seems to have a single-track mind. Always a simplist, he cannot understand the complexities of most problems. He cannot, for instance, recognize the importance of diplomatic forms or the element of safety provided by the tortuous methods of conventional diplomacy. He simplifies every problem, even the most vital questions of domestic and foreign policy. He applies a general principle of an intuitive solution to a question complicated by centuries of history and arrives at some delusively simple outcome. ''Mein Kampf'' gives him away in this. After its publication he could never again claim subtlety of analysis or breadth of vision. **p. 12 *His strength, then, is the unduly assertive characteristic of a man not certain of himself and shunning a real analysis of the problems confronting him. It is a mixture of brazenness and empiricism, and above all, a form of escape from his own introspectiveness. He is harassed, tormented, tortured by imaginings and confused thoughts; and the only way out of the tangle is to take some act that is seemingly decisive, or, more often, to find refuge in the endless reiteration of stock arguments, such as those against Semitism or Bolshevism. **pp. 13-14 *[H]e certainly succeeds in winning his audiences. After all, he is appealing to their feelings, not their intellect, and he captures them in an ecstasy of emotion, whipping them hither and thither by the castigations of his rather harsh, and frequently breaking, voice. He always uses the same methods, the same tricks of oratory, the same half-dozen gestures (especially the outpointed finger and the curious corkscrew movement of his hand), the same appeal to the crudest emotions, the same exploitation of common hatreds, even the same words. [[Joseph Goebbels|Goebbels]] is an infinitely finer and more polished orator from our point of view, but it is always Hitler who grips the meetings.<br>No display of emotionalism is too crude for him. He frequently weeps. **pp. 16-17 *He lives in an unnatural detachment that makes his disease of being a godhead batten on itself: the most balanced of human beings could not stand this kind of life without losing a sense of realities, and nobody would call Hitler emotionally balanced at the best of times. Most commentators make a great fuss about his diet or his celibacy: what seems to me far more important is his lack of ordinary human contacts. Abnormal himself, the constant adulation makes him pathological. He receives only the thrice-distilled views of the fanatics, intriguers and genuine patriots around him. Nobody can tell him anything or speak frankly, still less criticize his policy or himself. He lives in a mental world of his own, more aloof than any Sun-King, and he has only the narrow mental equipment and experience of an agitator to guide him. Unless one accepts the prevalent German view that he gets his inspiration direct from God (one of the most powerful Nazis once said he had a private line to heaven!), one must conclude that the future of Germany and the peace of the world rest on the tangled working of the mind of one man whom not even his friends would call normal. It is the most extraordinary comment on human evolution that, in this age of science and progress, the fate of mankind rests on the whimsy of an abnormal mind, infinitely more so than in the days of the old despots whom we criticize so much. **p. 22 *Hitler may achieve his avowed goal; he may consolidate the entire [[Nations|nation]] along the lines he wants. If this is so, the outlook for [[peace]] would still be clouded, because Hitler's consolidation is contingent upon ideas—such as economic ''[[Autarky]]'', [[War of aggression|military aggressiveness]], a dashing [[foreign policy]], and a general [[Imperialism|Imperialistic]] ideology—which, of necessity, would lead to war. He cannot achieve some of these without war, and if he does not achieve them, the people will feel deluded, and in that case Hitler's consolidation will not be successful. That is his basic dilemma. If he persists in the policies he has enunciated, he plunges Europe into war; if he abandons them, he can no longer maintain his position within Germany.<br>Logically, then, the success or the failure of Hitlerism brings war in its train. **p. 362 ==== ''Three Portraits: Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin'' (1940) ==== :<small>'''by [[Emil Ludwig]], New York & Toronto: Alliance Book Corporation, Longmans, Green and Company'''</small> * Hitler's technique of oratory is largely the result of... mass psychology... He declared to his small, new [[Political parties|party]] that everything depended on fascinating the crowd. Above all, he realized... restore to the German people, deprived of an army, their flags, bands and songs. ...He invented every emblem himself, except the swastika, designed his own flag, and prescribed every collar and button for the slowly-growing party troops.<!--pp. 19-20--> * Hitler's aim was to attract attention to ''himself''. ...[H]e personally arranged all the lighting effects and spotlights, as well as his entry into a hall with fanfares. He trained crowds to salute with the right arm, taught them his songs, and transformed the audience from an apathetic mass into active collaborators in his festivities.<!--p. 20--> * As a stage manager and advertiser, he gave proof as real genius. In his book... "The Entente," he writes, "won the war simply and solely by its propaganda." A crowd is ready to believe anything, "true or false," provided it is constantly reiterated; one only has to say the same thing often enough.<!--pp. 20-21--> * He is past-master in the technique of platform speaking, and he can be humorous, grave, witty, tragic and cynical as the occasion requires.<!--p. 21--> * His effect, in complete contrast to [[Benito Mussolini|Mussolini]]'s... he juggles with mystical notions such as Honor, Blood, and Soil, and thus wraps his audience in that cloud of mysticism which the Germans love far more than mere prosaic logic.<!--p. 21--> * [H]e works to create the single great impression that here is a prophet whose heart is bleeding for the fate of his people. ...[H]e is sly enough to use an arrangement on his speaker's desk through which, by pressing a button, the spotlights are switched on to him so that the ecstasies can be properly filmed for the news reels. A similar combination of ecstasy and artifice can be observed in other actors.<!--p. 21--> * [H]e commanded over a hundred of his armed adherents to make an open attack on the armed police force. The latter met the rebel's attack... Shots were fired. Fourteen men lay dead on the Munich pavement. ...Hitler vanished ...The fourteen heroes of the Nazi movement were later eulogized... by the leader who had abandoned them in danger.<!--p. 22--> * He realized that he could rise only through the support of the discontented and utterly disillusioned middle class. All he did later was to subjugate it. [[Hermann Rauschning|Rauschning]] describes in detail Hitler's intense hatred of Germany's laboring masses.<!--p. 23--> * The pyramid familiar to the Germans... in which each individual carries another on his back but makes up for it by standing on somebody else, was set up anew by Hitler.<!--p. 24--> * The Germans, who love order more than freedom, and whose ruling passion is obedience, rejoiced in their release from an uncomfortable equality into new ranks of superiors and inferiors. This is the second source of Hitler's success.<!--p. 24--> * As a man without religion, without philosophy, without principles, he balked at nothing. ...[H]e concealed... his desire for self-aggrandizement, and... believes in his own idealism.<!--p. 24--> * Since the [[bank]]s and the big [[industrialist]]s wished to rid themselves of the [[Socialism|Socialists]], with their wage demands and strikes, they contributed generously to this popular party. ...Hitler's speeches constantly promised the masses a renewal of the soldier-spirit, a new army and new victories.<!--p. 24--> * Hitler, who had made his way to power by his great gifts as a stage manager and speaker, introduced into the [[w:Reich Chancellery|Reichschancellory]] all that [[wikt:browbeat#Verb|browbeat]]ing noise which the Germans are so prone to take for greatness. ...Immediately after his appointment as chancellor, Hitler resolved to prove to the world that he had come, a new {{w|Saint George}}, to slay the dragon of [[communism]]. While the German [[w:Reichstag building|Reichstag]] was burning, he accused the Communists of the guilt... This trial he lost... for its sole result was to expose the guilt of the [[Nazism|Nazis]].<!--p. 27--> * The Germans were wretched so long as they had no sword. ...Only a world once more trembling before the gigantic juggernaut of a German army could do... [A] genuine idealism ...inspires the German Nazi youth. It is [[wikt:bellicose#Adjective|bellicose]]... and looks forward to a hero's death... they believe in the superiority of the German race and its right to rule the world.<br />Their new leader did not merely promise all this; he began to turn it into reality... The technique of government by advertisement... has enabled a ruler... to attain his aims by sheer propaganda and bluff...<!--pp. 31-32--> * That is the language of a gambler—of a man who stakes his all in one card... when the other players simply refuse to call a bluff, he may safely risk his stake.<br />And yet, with the great triumphs Hitler has flaunted, with the increase in power and population... how are we to explain the apathy shared by... Germans, with exceptions of the few thousand commandeered to function at processions? They do not revolt, yet they are neither happy nor content... the enthusiasm wanes... as it has been since the third year of the Hitler régime...<!--pp. 35-36--> * The appointment of ignorant young men by the Party to high places in the German universities and clinics... has caused profound depression in the country... A country which no longer recognizes a written constitution, a country in which the Minister of Justice proclaims as his guiding principle, "Right is what is useful to Germany," a country in which the police force... watches with sympathetic interest any crime which is committed to the Party's advantage—is a country where none can feel safe. Even the free can hardly take much pleasure... where more than 100,000 souls are imprisoned... Any German who has not risen to wealth and position through the Party feels less free... Millions are ashamed because they are no longer citizens of a constitutional State.<br />Meanwhile their Führer sits in his villa... and here he entertains his friends. ...As he talks ceaselessly and seldom listens... business cannot be settled.<!--pp. 39-41--> === Quotes after the end of World War II === :<small>'''Sorted by Author'''</small> ====A–L==== * By exploiting material [[wealth]] confiscated and plundered in a racial war, Hitler's National Socialism achieved an unprecedented level of economic equality and created vast new opportunities for upward mobility for the German people. ** [[Götz Aly]], ''Hitler's Beneficiaries: Plunder, Racial War, and the Nazi Welfare State'', New York: NY, Metropolitan Books (2007) pp. 7-8 *"I was born in 1933 in Vienna, Austria, the year Hitler came to power; his shadow shadowed me." So [[Evelyn Torton Beck]] began the narrative of her life as a Jewish lesbian feminist at the NYU "Women's Liberation and Jewish Identity" conference." **[[Joyce Antler]] ''Jewish Radical Feminism: Voices from the Women’s Liberation Movement'' (2018) * The only man for whom Hitler had 'unqualified respect' was Stalin the genius', and while in the case of Stalin and the Russian regime we do not... have the rich documentary material that is available for Germany, we nevertheless know since Khrushchev's speech before the Twentieth Party Congress that Stalin trusted only one man and that was Hitler. ** [[Hannah Arendt]], ''Totalitarianism: Part Three of the Origins of Totalitarianism'', A Harvest Book, 1985, pp. 7-8 *The tragedy for Germany’s subsequent victims was that a critical mass of the population, desperate for order and respect, was eager to follow the most reckless criminal in history. Hitler managed to appeal to their worst instincts: [[resentment]], [[intolerance]], [[arrogance]] and, most dangerous of all, a [[White supremacy|sense of racial superiority]]. Any remaining belief in a ''[[w:Rechtsstaat|Rechtsstaat]]'', a nation based on respect for the [[rule of law]], crumpled in the face of Hitler’s insistence that the [[Judiciary|judicial system]] must be the servant of the new order. Public institutions–the [[courts]], the [[universities]], the general staff and the press–kowtowed to the new regime. Opponents found themselves helplessly isolated and insulted as traitors to the new definition of the Fatherland, not only by the regime itself, but also by all those who supported it. The [[w:Gestapo|Gestapo]], unlike Stalin’s own secret police, the [[w:NKVD|NKVD]], was surprisingly idle. Most of its arrests were purely in response to denunciations of people by their fellow Germans. **[[w:Antony_Beevor|Antony Beevor]], ''The Second World War'' (2016), pp. 14-15 * In Hitler's eyes, Christianity was a [[religion]] fit only for slaves; he detested its [[ethics]] in particular. Its teaching, he declared, was a rebellion against the natural law of selection by struggle and the [[w:Survival of the fittest|survival of the fittest]]. ** [[w:Alan Bullock| Alan Bullock]], ''Hitler: A Study in Tyranny''; Harper Perennial Edition (1991) p. 218. First published 1952 * [Hitler] himself saw Christianity as a temporary ally, for in his opinion 'one is either a Christian or a German'. To be both was impossible. Nazism itself was a religion, a pagan religion, and Hitler was its high priest... Its high altar [was] Germany itself and the German people, their soil and forests and language and traditions. ** [[Geoffrey Blainey]], ''A Short History of Christianity'', Viking (2011) pp. 495–6 * "Everybody thinks Hitler got to power because of his [[armies]], because they were willing to [[kill]], and that's partially true, because in the real world [[power]] is always built on the threat of death and dishonor. But mostly he got to power on [[words]], on the right words at the right time." : "I was just thinking of comparing you to him." :* [[Orson Scott Card]] ''[[Ender's Game]]'' p. 131 *In the introduction to his edition of Hitler's ''Table Talk'', [[Hugh Trevor-Roper]] maintains that Hitler's ideas on culture were "trivial, half-baked and disgusting". This seems questionable. At least, there are marked similarities between the cultural ideals promulgated in the Führer's writings and conversation and those of the intellectuals we have been looking at...<br>The contention, then, that Hitler's ideas on culture were trivial, half-baked and disgusting can be allowed only if the same epithets are applied to numerous cultural ideas prevalent among English intellectuals in the first half of the twentieth century, some of which are still espoused today. The superiority of "high" art, the eternal glory of Greek sculpture and architecture, the transcendent value of the old masters and of classical music, the supremacy of [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]], [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe|Goethe]] and other authors acknowledged by intellectuals as great, the divine spark that animates all productions of genius and distinguishes them from the low amusements of the mass — these were among Hitler's most dearly held beliefs. His contempt for "gutter journalism", advertising and "cinema bilge", his espousal of the aristocratic principle, and his comparison of the "dunderheaded multitude" with women and children, are other features that readers of this book will have no difficulty matching in intellectual discourse. To such readers, his various rewritings of the mass — as exterminable subhumans, as an inhibited bourgeois herd, as noble workers, as peasant pastoral — will also be familiar intellectual devices. The tragedy of ''Mein Kampf'' is that it was not, in many respects, a deviant work but one firmly rooted in European intellectual orthodoxy. **[[John Carey]], ''The Intellectuals and the Masses: Pride and Prejudice among the Literary Intelligentsia, 1880–1939'' (1992), pp. 198, 208 * Try explaining Hitler to a kid. ** [[George Carlin]], from ''Brain Droppings''. * Men of action, when they are without [[faith]], have never believed in anything but action. Hitler's untenable [[paradox]] lay precisely in wanting to found a stable order on perpetual change and no negation. ** [[Albert Camus]] in ''The Rebel'' (1951) * But if you can [[w:artificial selection|breed]] [[cattle]] for [[milk]] yield, [[horses]] for running speed, and [[dogs]] for herding skill, why on Earth should it be impossible to breed humans for [[Mathematics|mathematical]], [[Music|musical]] or [[Sports|athletic]] ability? Objections such as "these are not one-dimensional abilities" apply equally to cows, horses and dogs and never stopped anybody in practice. I wonder whether, some 60 years after Hitler's death, we might at least venture to ask what the moral difference is between breeding for musical ability and forcing a child to take music lessons. Or why it is acceptable to train fast [[Running|runners]] and [[w:High jump|high jumpers]] but not to breed them. I can think of some answers, and they are good ones, which would probably end up persuading me. But hasn't the time come when we should stop being frightened even to put the question? **[[Richard Dawkins]], From the Afterword, ''The Herald'' Scotland, (November 20, 2006) * What's to prevent us from saying Hitler wasn't right? I mean, that is a genuinely difficult question. ** [[Richard Dawkins]] [http://byfaithonline.com/page/in-the-world/richard-dawkins-the-atheist-evangelist "Richard Dawkins, the Atheist Evangelist", by Larry Taunton, ''byFaith'' (18 December 2007)] *This man, compounded of mystic and megalomaniac, orator and self-hypnotist, faithless and merciless in pursuit of his aims, was to bring upon his own country, upon Europe and more distant lands, suffering, destruction and death. He was to do worse. In the name of racial purity, he inspired a surge of beastliness unparalleled for centuries.<br>Hitler was a failure, for he transformed the world in the sense in which he least wished. When the struggle was over, Europe lay prostrate and power had passed to Russia in the East and the United States in the West, countries he dreaded or despised. His opportunity came at a climacteric in history and he made terrible use of it. **[[Anthony Eden]], ''The Eden Memoirs: Facing the Dictators'' (1962), p. 27 *It would assist us if the Chancellor could state his position about...[[w:Locarno Treaties|Locarno]]. Hitler declared that the German Government would "scrupulously and faithfully observe every treaty into which they had entered of their own free will, including Locarno." The world must not expect to obtain Germany's signature on all occasions, but Germany's signature, once given, would be honoured. No assurance could have been firmer or more specific, if it could be believed.<br>The argument was also clear enough. Hitler did not regard the Versailles Treaty as binding, because it had been signed under duress, but I thought at the time that Hitler might be genuine in this distinction and that he could intend to observe treaties "freely" signed by Germany. This possibility remained in my mind until the [[w:Remilitarization of the Rhineland|occupation of the Rhineland]] destroyed any further confidence I might have had in Hitler's statements. **[[Anthony Eden]], ''The Eden Memoirs: Facing the Dictators'' (1962), p. 62 *I was most unfavourably impressed by Hitler's personality. Unlike [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]] as I was to know him, or [[Benito Mussolini|Mussolini]], he appeared negative to me, certainly not compelling; he was also rather shifty. Stalin and Mussolini were, in their separate ways, men whose personality would be felt in any company. Hitler was essentially the man who would pass in the crowd. **[[Anthony Eden]], ''The Eden Memoirs: Facing the Dictators'' (1962), p. 133 * Two things made the German experience unique. The first was Hitler himself, who was in many ways more bizarre than [[Charlie Chaplin|Chaplin]] knew. An art-school reject who had once scraped a living by selling kitschy picture postcards; an [[Austrians|Austrian]] draft-dodger who had ended up a decorated [[Bavaria|Bavarian]] corporal; a lazy mediocrity who rose late and enjoyed both [[Richard Wagner|Wagner]]'s [[Opera|operas]] and [[w:Karl_May|Karl May]]'s cowboy yarns - here indeed was an unlikely heir to the legacy of [[Frederick II of Prussia|Frederick the Great]] and [[Otto von Bismarck]]. In Munich in the early 1920s he could be seen attending the soirées of a [[Romania|Romanian]] [[Prince|princess]] 'in his gangster hat and trenchcoat over his dinner jacket, touting a pistol and carrying as usual his dog-whip'. It is not altogether surprising that President Hindenburg assumed he was [[Bohemia|Bohemian]]. Others thought he looked more like 'a man trying to seduce the cook', or perhaps a renegade tram conductor. If it had not been for the advice of his publisher [[w:Max_Amann|Max Amann]], he would have called his first book ''Four and a Half Years of Struggle against Lies, Stupidity and Cowardice'' instead of the distinctly catchier ''My Struggle''. The longer title captures something of Hitler's shrill and vituperative [[personality]]. As for his [[sexuality]], about which there has long been speculation on the basis of circumstantial or tainted evidence, he may have had none. Hitler hated. He did not love. ** [[Niall Ferguson]], ''The War of the World: Twentieth-Century Conflict and the Descent of the West'' (2006), p. 232-233  *Superficially, Hitler's appeal to German voters is easy to understand. He simply offered more radical remedies to the [[Great Depression|Depression]] than his political rivals. Others might offer piecemeal solutions to [[unemployment]]; Hitler was willing to contemplate a bold programme of public works. Others might worry that [[Finance|financing]] [[w:Public_works|public works]] with [[Deficit|deficits]] would trigger a new [[inflation]]; Hitler bluntly stated that the hoodlums of his [[w:Sturmabteilung|Sturmabteilung]] would deal with any profiteers who charged excessive [[Price|prices]]. Others might argue, as [[Walther Rathenau|Rathenau]] and [[Gustav Stresemann|Stresemann]] had, that Germany must try to pay [[w:World_War_I_reparations|reparations]], if only to prove the impossibility of doing so, or must [[Government debt|borrow]] to the hilt in [[New York City|New York]] so as to drive a rift between the Western creditors; Hitler essentially argued for default. It helped, of course, that the reparations system had itself collapsed by 1932; Germany had already defaulted, albeit with [[United States|American]] consent, by the time Hitler came to power. It helped, too, that the Nazis were able to recruit the widely respected former Reichsbank President [[Hjalmar Schacht]], who had resigned his post in 1930 after effectively endorsing Hitler's campaign against the revised reparations schedule known as the Young Plan. Yet even with his imprimatur on them, it took real political skill to sell such unorthodox [[Economics|economic]] solutions to a relatively sophisticated and highly variegated electorate. The Nazis' success without doubt owed much to [[Joseph Goebbels]], the evil genius of [[20th century|twentieth-century]] marketing, who sold Hitler to the German public as if he were the miraculous offspring of the [[Messiah]] and [[Marlene Dietrich]]. The Nazi election campaigns of 1930, 1932. and 1933 were unprecedented assaults on public opinion, involving standardized mass meetings and eye-catching posters, as well as rousing songs (like the ''[[w:Horst-Wessel_Lied|Horst-Wessel Lied]]'') and calculated physical intimidation of opponents. Though much of this owed its inspiration to [[Benito Mussolini|Mussolini]] - not least the snazzy uniforms for supporters, and the Roman salutes - Goebbels understood the need for finesse as well as bombast. For one thing, he saw more clearly than the star himself the need to adjust Hitler's message according to which of the German electorate's many segments was being addressed. **[[Niall Ferguson]], ''The War of the World: Twentieth-Century Conflict and the Descent of the West'' (2006), p. 238-239  *Hitler is probably the world's most notorious tyrant. His name is virtually synonymous with evil. Rising from obscurity and failure, he found inspiration in the German army and entered [[politics]] after [[World War I]]. His Nazi Party became the largest in Germany, leading to his appointment as Chancellor in 1933. Within a year, he had turned Germany into a dictatorship. He built up the [[Economy of Germany|economy]] while establishing a [[police state]] based on terror. He pushed his country into World War II where his aggressive leadership produced spectacular vicotories until he was opposed by the Soviet Union and the United States. During the war, he ordered the murder of six million Jews and other minorities. With his country collapsing around him, he committed [[suicide]]. **Clive Foss, ''The Tyrants: 2,500 Years of Absolute Power and Corruption'' (2006), p. 140 *Hitler had no superior, and there was no [[Appeals|appeal]] against him. The only alternative to obedience was imprisonment or death. He ruled Germany through the regular government and the increasingly powerful Nazi Party whose organizations reached every level of the population. The regime looked simple and streamlined, but Hitler, who believed in the survival of the fittest, encouraged [[competition]] among his subordinates, often appointing two people to very similar jobs, so that they would have to come to him for resolution. He rarely consulted his cabinet but relied on a loyal coterie headed by Heinrich Himmler, chief of the elite [[w:Schutzstaffel|SS]] troops, and the [[w:Gestapo|Gestapo]] (secret police), Hermann Goring, commander of the air force and Joseph Goebbels, Minister of Propaganda. Hitler was the ultimate [[amateur]], a skilled [[Politicians|politician]] with no education but a [[w:Photographic memory|photographic memory]] that enabled him to intimidate his officers. He distrusted educated [[Specialization|specialists]] and believed he was right about everything. He met with his cronies over [[tea]] where he would endulge in endless [[Monologue|monologues]] - tea, because he was a vegetarian and teetotaller who also firmly discouraged [[Tobacco|smoking]]. **Clive Foss, ''The Tyrants: 2,500 Years of Absolute Power and Corruption'' (2006), p. 141 *Hitler did a better job than Stalin of accomplishing [[Vladimir Lenin|Lenin]]'s totalitarian promises—better, too, than Mussolini,... ** [[François Furet]], ''The Passing of an Illusion, The Idea of Communism in the Twentieth Century'', University of Chicago Press (1999) p. 205 * What was new about Hitler and Stalin was what [[Friedrich Meinecke]], in an attempt shortly [[Aftermath of World War II|after World War II]] to express his horror at Hitler's moral [[nihilism]], called a '[[Niccolò Machiavelli|Machiavellianism]] of the masses'. ** [[François Furet]], ''The Passing of an Illusion, The Idea of Communism in the Twentieth Century'', University of Chicago Press (1999) p. 191 * In many thundering discourses, Hitler expressed his respect, if not admiration for Stalinist Communism and its leader. **François Furet, ''Passing of an Illusion: The Idea of Communism in the Twentieth Century'', Chicago, Illinois; London, England, University of Chicago Press, 1999, p. 191 * The names of [[Vladimir Lenin|Lenin]], [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]], and Hitler will forever be linked to the tragic course of European history in the first half of the twentieth century. Only weeks after the [[Russian Revolution]] the Bolsheviks created [[w:Cheka|secret police forces]] far more brutal than any that had existed under the [[Nicholas II of Russia|tsar]]. The Nazis followed suit and were no sooner in power than they instituted the dreaded [[w:Gestapo|Gestapo]]. Under both regimes millions of people were incarcerated in [[Concentration camp|concentration camps]] where they were tortured and frequently worked to death. ** [[w:Robert Gellately|Robert Gellately]], ''Lenin, Stalin, and Hitler : The Age of Social Catastrophe'' (New York: Random House, Knopf, 2007). [[File:Children headed for deportation.JPG|thumb|He set out to [[kill]] [[people]] not for what they did but for who they were. Even [[Mao]] and [[Stalin]] were killing their "class enemies." Hitler killed a million [[Jewish]] [[babies]] just for existing. ~ [[w:Nancy Gibbs|Nancy Gibbs]] ]] * If all Hitler had done was kill people in vast numbers more efficiently than anyone else ever did, the debate over his lasting importance might end there. But Hitler's impact went beyond his willingness to kill without mercy. He did something civilization had not seen before. [[Genghis Khan]] operated in the context of the nomadic steppe, where pillaging villages was the norm. Hitler came out of the most civilized society on Earth, the land of [[Ludwig van Beethoven|Beethoven]] and [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe|Goethe]] and [[Friedrich Schiller|Schiller]]. '''He set out to kill people not for what they did but for who they were. Even [[Mao Zedong|Mao]] and [[Stalin]] were killing their "class enemies." Hitler killed a million Jewish babies just for existing.''' ** {{w|Nancy Gibbs}}, as quoted in [http://www.time.com/time/time100/poc/magazine/the_necessary_evil19a.html ''Time''] magazine (3 January 2000). * Check out Hitler, what did Hitler say to the German people in the middle of [[Depression (economics)|depression]]? What did he say were the causes of the problem in German? He said it was the Jews, he said it was the communists, and he said it was the people who sold out in the World War 1. Those were the three forces responsible for the downfall of Germany. What are [[Richard Nixon|Nixon]] and the other [[Neo-fascism|neo-fascists]] saying nowadays? What is the cause of the crisis that we have in our country and the [[United States]] and [[Puerto Rico]] and [[Hawaii]]? What are the causes? Well, it's the communists, it's the [[Third World]] people instead of the Jews this time, and it's the [[Pacifism|peace people]]. Same lines. Fascism always has the same lines. Fascism is a dictatorship, a capitalistic dictatorship. When things fall apart they started a dictatorship. ** [[Juan González (journalist)]], "The Young Lords Party" speech (Nov. 1971) * To me there are two Hitlers: one who existed until the end of the French war; the other begins with the Russian campaign. In the beginning he was genial and pleasant. He would have extraordinary willpower and unheard-of influence on people. The important thing to remember is that the first Hitler, the man who I knew until the end of the French war, had much charm and goodwill. He was always frank. The second Hitler, who existed from the beginning of the Russian campaign until his suicide, was always suspicious, easily upset, and tense. He was distrustful to an extreme degree. ** [[Hermann Göring]] (24 May 1946), quoted in [[w:Leon Goldensohn|Leon Goldensohn]] ''The Nuremberg Interviews'' (New York: Knopf, 2004) * Hitler was dead by his own hand and the Allies quickly went about gathering up officials of the Nazi regime. Germany was prostrated, its cities in rubble, its manufactories smashed, its people dispirited and unable even to feed themselves. They crawled out of their cellars and hiding places and looked around into a profound silence enveloping the entire nation. Many- probably most of them- were terribly embarrassed and ashamed at what their leaders had put them through but, after all, they had voted Hitler and the Nazis into power. It was one of the most horrid mistakes a [[democracy]] had ever made and a powerful lesson for today and tomorrow. The Third Reich that Hitler predicted would "last a thousand years" was abolished in little more than a decade, though at terrible cost. ** [[w:Winston Groom|Winston Groom]], ''The Generals: Patton, MacArthur, Marshall, and the Winning of World War II'' (2015), p. 395 *[Hitler] was to all intents and purposes an atheist by the time I got to know him, although he still paid lip-service to religious beliefs and certainly acknowledged them as the basis for the thinking of others. **[[Ernst Hanfstaengl]], ''Hitler: The Memoir of a Nazi Insider Who Turned Against the Führer'' [1957], New York: NY, Arcade Publishing, 2011, p. 69 *[Hitler] would attack the former [[Ruling class|ruling classes]] for their surrender of the nation, their class prejudices and [[Feudalism|feudal]] [[economic system]] to applause from the [[Left-wing politics|Left-Wingers]], and then riddle those who were prepared to decry the true traditions of German greatness to the applause of the [[Conservatism|Right-Wingers]]. **[[Ernst Hanfstaengl]] ''Hitler: The Memoir of a Nazi Insider Who Turned Against the Führer'' [1957], New York: NY, Arcade Publishing, 2011, p. 69 *Hitler, who was so wound up in his theory of the [[Aryan race]], was himself the antithesis of the Aryan type: dark, not very tall, narrow-shouldered, hysterical, nervous; had he met himself, who knows where he would have sent such a suspicious character. **[[Shulamith Hareven]] "Against Charisma" in ''The Vocabulary of Peace: Life, Culture, and Politics in the Middle East'' (1995) *Hitler's triumph made terribly clear the danger of our earlier notions, as well as the very stark differences between a fascist regime and "bourgeois democracy" as represented by someone like [[Franklin Delano Roosevelt]]. By the mid-1930s the issue of anti-fascism permeated all our mass work. **[[Dorothy Ray Healey]] ''California Red: A Life in the American Communist Party'' (1990) * Had Hitler died in middle of the 1930's, Nazism would probably have shown, under the leadership of a [[Hermann Göring|Goering]], a fundamental change in its course, and the Second World War might have been averted. Yet the sepulcher of Hitler, the founder of a Nazi religion, might perhaps have been a greater evil than all the atrocities, bloodshed and destruction of Hitler's war. ** [[Eric Hoffer]], ''The True Believer'' (1951) Ch.18 Good and Bad Mass Movements, §122 * The monstrous evils of the twentieth century have shown us that the greediest money grubbers are gentle doves compared with money-hating wolves like Lenin, [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]], and [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]], who in less than three decades killed or maimed nearly a hundred million men, women, and children and brought untold suffering to a large portion of mankind. ** {{cite book | author = Eric Hoffer | author-link = Eric Hoffer | title = In Our Time | location = New York | publisher = Harper & Row | year = 1976}}. * I would have preferred it if he'd followed his original ambition and become an [[Architecture|architect]]. ** [[w:Paula Hitler|Paula Hitler]], his much younger sister, during an interview with a U.S. intelligence operative in late 1945. * I admit, I was fascinated by Adolf Hitler. He was a pleasant boss and a fatherly friend. ** [[w:Traudl Junge|Traudl Junge]], Hitler's secretary. * Of course, the terrible things I heard from the [[w:Nuremberg Trials|Nuremberg Trials]], about the six million Jews and the people from other races who were killed, were facts that shocked me deeply. But I wasn't able to see the connection with my own past. I was satisfied that I wasn't personally to blame and that I hadn't known about those things. I wasn't aware of the extent. But one day I went past the memorial plaque which had been put up for [[w:Sophie Scholl|Sophie Scholl]] in Franz Josef Strasse, and I saw that she was born the same year as me, and she was executed the same year I started working for Hitler. And at that moment I actually sensed that it was no excuse to be young, and that it would have been possible to find things out. ** [[w:Traudl Junge|Traudl Junge]] Hitler's secretary, in [[w:Im toten Winkel|''Im toten Winkel - Hitlers Sekretärin'' (''Blind Spot: Hitler's Secretary'')]] * After visiting these two places you can easily see how that within a few years Hitler will emerge from the hatred that surrounds him now as one of the most significant figures who ever lived. He had boundless ambition for his country, which rendered him a menace to the peace of the world, but he had a mystery about him in the way that he lived and in the manner of his death that will live and grow after him. He had in him the stuff of which legends are made. ** The Post-War diary of [[John F. Kennedy]], as quoted in ''Prelude to Leadership'' (pages 73&ndash;74, last two paragraphs). * We can never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was "legal" and everything the [[w:Hungarian_Revolution_of_1956|Hungarian freedom fighters]] did was "illegal." It was "illegal" to aid and comfort a Jew in Hitler's Germany. Even so, I am sure that, had I lived in Germany at the time, I would have aided and comforted my Jewish brothers. ** [[Martin Luther King, Jr.]], "Letter from a Birmingham Jail" in ''The Essential Martin Luther King, Jr.'' *As a non-geneticist, if he was presented with his own DNA, he would probably have sent himself to the gas chamber. **[[w:Turi King|Turi King]] quoted in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/2025/11/12/scientists-secrets-adolf-hitler-dna-adhd/ "Hitler’s DNA proves he really did have only one ball"], ''Daily Telegraph'' (12 November 2025) *Hitler was a wonderful actor. At times when he was beating his breast and assuring his visitor of his own devotion to peace, I was almost overwhelmed by the performance; and I was tempted to believe that my judgement must have gone to pieces in ever doubting the man's sincerity. But he was also so fundamentally wicked, and this appeared so clearly in his conversation that one's reason eventually got the upper hand. As the years passed, power visibly corrupted him. He became more intolerant of any opposition, more convinced of his mission and more openly ruthless. There was less need to dissemble and he almost gloried in his wickedness. **[[w:Ivone Kirkpatrick|Ivone Kirkpatrick]], ''The Inner Circle'' (1959), p. 69 *Hitler was never interested in legitimate ambitions. [[Winston Churchill|Mr. Churchill]] was right when he called him "that wicked man", for he was a logical and ruthless criminal. **[[w:Ivone Kirkpatrick|Ivone Kirkpatrick]], ''The Inner Circle'' (1959), p. 91 *My reliable informants in the German camp had already made it clear to me that Hitler regarded the Prime Minister [Neville Chamberlain] as an impertinent busybody who spoke the ridiculous jargon of an out-moded democracy. The umbrella, which to the ordinary German was the symbol of peace, was in Hitler's view only a subject of derision. **[[w:Ivone Kirkpatrick|Ivone Kirkpatrick]], ''The Inner Circle'' (1959), p. 122 *By this time [September 1938] it was clear to me that Hitler was bent on having his little war. I felt that the interview could have little result and Hitler's behaviour was so offensive that I wanted never to see him again. He seemed to be enveloped in an aura of such ruthless wickedness that it was oppressive and almost nightmarish to sit in the same room. I therefore asked [[w:Horace Wilson (civil servant)|Wilson]] if I might be excused from attending. This was very pusillanimous since the interviews were certainly interesting and exciting enough for the most blasé of officials. I can only say that Hitler had inspired me with such a physical repugnance that I could not bring myself to go. **[[w:Ivone Kirkpatrick|Ivone Kirkpatrick]], ''The Inner Circle'' (1959), p. 124 ====M–Z==== * If he (Hitler) does not eat meat, drink alcoholic beverages, or smoke, it is not due to the fact that he has some kind of inhibition or does it because he believes it will improve his health. He abstains from these because he is following the example of the great German, Richard Wagner, or because he has discovered that it increases his energy and endurance to such a degree that he can give much more of himself to the creation of the new German Reich. ** Walter C. Langer, "The Mind of Adolf Hitler", Walter C. Langer, New York 1972 p.54-55 *[T]he [[British people]] found it difficult, when they first heard of him, to take Hitler too seriously, with his [[Charlie Chaplin]] moustache and his everlasting raincoat. Naturally, nobody had bothered to read ''Mein Kampf''. Nor could anybody see below the apparent insignificance of his appearance the deep, cunning, malignant brain. Here was concealed a combination of deceit and wickedness under a certain guise of plausibility, which can only now be fully grasped, when all the documents have been published and the whole evil story fully displayed to the world. **[[Harold Macmillan]], ''Winds of Change, 1914–1939'' (1966), p. 385 *[[w:Edvard Beneš|Beneš]] made one further concession. On 4 September [1938], in the hope of reaching a settlement, he offered to accept the demands of the [[w:Sudetenland|Sudeten Germans]]; that is to say, complete local autonomy... What would happen now? Hitler's speech at Nuremberg, due to take place on 12 September, would perhaps give us the answer... We had in 1938 some kind of radio set... [N]o listener could fail to grasp the import of the venomous insulting sentences hissed out by the orator—raucous, maniacal, almost inhuman—and of the roars of "''Sieg Heil!''" from the frenzied audience, bawled out like the battle-cry of a horde of savages. **[[Harold Macmillan]], ''Winds of Change, 1914–1939'' (1966), pp. 552-554 *[T]he very decency of [[British people|ordinary men and women in Britain]] was a handicap. In our insularity, we neither read Hitler's gospel, ''Mein Kampf'', nor understood the nature of his movement, or the scale of his ambitions. We shut our eyes to the character of his internal régime and comforted ourselves that if Germany had become a [[Police state|police State]], it was no worse than [[Russia]]. We did not realise the difference. One country was slowly emerging from, the other relapsing into, barbarism. In any event, Germany was then the immediate threat to Britain and to Europe. Hitler had, or so it would appear, an almost mesmeric effect upon many of his visitors of very different types and backgrounds. [[Neville Chamberlain|Chamberlain]] was only the last of a long series of dupes who, having made the pilgrimage to Berchtesgaden, unexpectedly fell under his spell for varying periods of time. After his first meeting at Berchtesgaden, Chamberlain got the impression "that here was a man who could be relied upon when he had given his word". All failed to realise his extraordinary methods as a negotiator; the depths of deceit which he would practise; and the infamies to which he would sink... Hitler was notoriously guilty of dishonest breaches of faith time after time; yet, for some strange reason, he continued to be believed. **[[Harold Macmillan]], ''Winds of Change, 1914–1939'' (1966), p. 577 *In its turn Germany longed for vengeance after its defeat in 1918. The Treaty of Versailles, the ‘Dictated’, was widely seen by Germans of all political persuasions as vindictive and unjust and it was held to blame for much that went wrong in Germany in the 1920s. An English journalist met two elderly sisters who said they could no longer send their laundry out once a week, all because of the treaty. Hitler and the Nazis rose to power in large part because they promised to break its ‘chains’. And break them Hitler did, declaring reparations payments at an end, openly breaching the [[disarmament]] clauses, moving troops into the demilitarised [[Rhine|Rhineland]] and incorporating [[Austria]] into Germany. His aim was always much greater than destroying the treaty or making Germany the most powerful nation on the Continent. It was to give the [[Germans|German people]] – the Aryan race, as he thought of them – a huge territory befitting their status as the [[w:Master_race|master race]] and, ultimately, ensure them [[World domination|domination of the world]]. [[Ideology|Ideologies]], whether idealistic, messianic, wicked or simply crackpot, lie at the heart of some of the greatest conflicts in history. [[Nationalism|Nationalists]] – and that covers a wide range, from the [[Racism|racists]] at one extreme to the [[Patriotism|patriots]] who value a shared [[culture]] and [[history]] at the other – have fought and killed and still do today in the name of the nation. ‘I regret,’ said the [[American Revolution|American revolutionary]] soldier [[Nathan Hale]], ‘that I have but one life to lose for my country.’ **[[Margaret MacMillan]], ''War: How Conflict Shaped Us'' (2020) * Hitler ... was a hero, the hero-as-monster, embodying what had become the monstrous fantasy of a people, but the horror upon which the radical mind and liberal temperament foundered was that he gave outlet to the energies of the Germans and so presented the twentieth century with an index of how horrible had become the secret heart of its desire. ** [[Norman Mailer]], ''[http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a3858/superman-supermarket/ Superman Comes to the Supermarket]. (November 1960) *The man governed by license is prepared to destroy everything and everybody that stands in his way-himself first and foremost. Destruction and self-destruction are the inevitable consequences of license. The suicide of Hitler and his holocaust is the supreme example of self-destruction as the final stage of license. Hitler believed that the whole of Germany would gather around the fire he had lighted. I have read that he spent his last days issuing a constant stream of orders to armies that no longer existed or had disintegrated. He was indignant at these vanished armies for failing to carry out his instructions. His behavior is an excellent illustration of [[Sergei Bulgakov]]'s observation that license always leads to loss of touch with reality. Bulgakov understood this at a time when license had still not taken on the extreme forms we have seen in our days. **[[Nadezhda Mandelstam]] ''Hope Abandoned'' (1974) *National self-interest...leads no wise man into war. War has often been the resort of fools like Mussolini or knaves like Hitler. They shared a common fate. **[[Michael Manley]], ''The Politics of Change'' (1974) * Five hundred years from now, it won't be Hitler we remember. Hitler may have set the century's agenda; he was a sort of vortex of negative energy that sucked everything else in. But I think God takes fallible human beings like [[Franklin Delano Roosevelt|Roosevelt]] or Churchill and carves them for his purposes. In five centuries, we'll look back and say the story of the century was not Hitler or Stalin; it was the survival of the human spirit in the face of genocide. ** [[w:Martin E. Marty|Martin E. Marty]] in [http://www.time.com/time/time100/poc/magazine/the_necessary_evil19a.html ''Time'' magazine (3 January 2000)]. *[[Hermann Rauschning|Rauschning]], at the end of 1939, denounced Hitler and his movement as 'the apocalyptic riders of world annihilation', and as an eruption of 'the beast from the abyss'. National Socialism, he added, was 'the [[w:Saint Vitus' dance|Saint Vitus's dance]] of the twentieth century'; if Hitler won the war, it would mean the end of everything that made life worth living. **Meir Michaelis, 'World Power Status or World Dominion? A Survey of the Literature on Hitler's 'Plan of World Dominion' (1937-1970)', ''The Historical Journal'', Vol. 15, No. 2 (Jun., 1972), p. 335 * As far as Hitler is concerned, we regarded him as a true man. He was only a corporal when he earned the Iron Cross First Class in World War I. In those days that was quite an achievement. When he spoke at meetings or rallies he managed to captivate his audience. He was able to get us in a mood where we believed everything he said and we left fired with enthusiasms. Everyone I met respected and trusted Hitler and I myself shared these feelings and opinions. ** Standartenoberjunker [[w:Jan Munk|Jan Munk]] - SS * People ask me who my heroes are. I admire Hitler because he pulled his country together when it was in a terrible state in the early thirties. But the situation here [Vietnam] is so desperate now that one man would not be enough. We need four or five Hitlers in Vietnam. ** [[Ho Chí Minh|Nguyen Cao Ky]], July, 1965 interview with the Daily Mirror. * When I came back to [[United States|my native country]], after all the stories about Hitler, I couldn't ride in the front of the bus. I had to go to the back door. I couldn't live where I wanted. I wasn't invited to shake hands with Hitler, but I wasn't invited to the White House to shake hands with [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|the president]], either. ** [[Jesse Owens]], as quoted in [http://espn.go.com/sportscentury/features/00016393.html "Owens Pierced a Myth"] (2005), by Larry Schwartz, ''ESPN SportsCentury''. * When I passed the chancellor he arose, waved his hand at me, and I waved back at him. I think the writers showed bad taste in criticizing the man of the hour in Germany. ** [[Jesse Owens]], as quoted in [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/0399603158 ''The Jesse Owens Story''] (1970). *My generation really grew up at a very scary time. This time is probably twice as scary, but since we didn't know this time was coming-the Second World War was coming, the Spanish Civil War was happening when I was in high school. Mussolini had invaded Ethiopia and made all those idiotic statements that are famous to this day. Like how beautiful it was to bomb the Ethiopians. The Italian kids in my school were in heaven, they were so delighted and proud they were fainting with joy. It was a scary time. Hitler was coming inch by inch by inch. I remember my parents talking about it. **1985 interview in ''Conversations with [[Grace Paley]]'' *I met Hitler for the first time on June 9, 1932. ... I found him curiously unimpressive. ... I could detect no inner quality which might explain his extraordinary hold on the masses. He was wearing a dark blue suit and seemed the complete ''petit-bourgeois''. He had an unhealthy complexion, and with his little moustache and curious hair style had an indefinable bohemian quality. His demeanour was modest and polite, and although I had heard much about the magnetic quality of his eyes, I do not remember being impressed by them. ... [A]s he talked about his party's aims I was struck by the fanatical insistence with which he presented his arguments. I realized that the fate of my Government would depend to a large extent on the willingness of this man and his followers to back me up, and that this would be the most difficult problem with which I should have to deal. **[[Franz von Papen]], ''Memoirs'' (1952), p. 162 * In prison for his part in the [[w:Beer Hall Putsch|1923 putsch]], Hitler rethought the Italian example in the light of his own failure and concluded that he could only win power through the ballot box. Electoral propaganda was at first directed primarily at industrial workers, in the hope of detaching them from the [[w:Communist Party of Germany|KDP]]. But in the [[w:1928 German federal election|1928 elections]] showed unexpected gains amongst the [[w:Protestantism in Germany|Protestant peasantry]], who had suffered badly from the agricultural crisis. From then on {{w|Nazi propaganda}} was more targeted at [[conservative]] voters, and this paid off with [[w:1930 German federal election|electoral breakthrough in 1930]]. ** [[Kevin Passmore]], {{cite book |title=Fascism: A Very Short Introduction |date=2014 |publisher={{w|Oxford University Press}} |isbn=978-0-19-150856-1 |page=72–73 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=0ACCAwAAQBAJ&pg=PT72}} * For want of alternatives, the conservatives [[w:Adolf Hitler's rise to power|made Hitler chancellor on 30 January 1933]]. Like [[Mussolini]], Hitler alone bridged the gap between parliamentary and street politics. ** [[Kevin Passmore]], {{cite book |title=Fascism: A Very Short Introduction |date=2014 |publisher={{w|Oxford University Press}} |isbn=978-0-19-150856-1 |page=73 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=0ACCAwAAQBAJ&pg=PT73}} * Nazism and Fascism are thoroughly beaten, but I must admit that their defeat does not mean that barbarism and brutality have been defeated. On the contrary, it is no use closing our eyes to the fact that these hateful ideas achieved something like a victory in defeat. I have to admit that Hitler succeeded in degrading the moral standards of our Western world, and that in the world of today there is more violence and brutal force than would have been tolerated even in the decade after the first World war. And we must face the possibility that our civilization may ultimately be destroyed by those new weapons which Hitlerism wished upon us, perhaps even within the first decade after the second World war; for no doubt the spirit of Hitlerism won its greatest victory over us when, after its defeat, we used the weapons which the threat of Nazism had induced us to develop. ** [[Karl Popper]] in [[Karl_Popper#Utopia_and_Violence_.281947.29|"Utopia and Violence"]] (1947) * Before Hitler, we thought we had sounded the depths of [[human nature]]. He showed how much lower we could go, and that's what was so horrifying. It gets us wondering not just at the depths he showed us but whether there is worse to come. ** [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]] in [http://www.time.com/time/time100/poc/magazine/the_necessary_evil19a.html ''Time'' magazine (3 January 2000)]. *Hitler was able to announce his lies and offer them to us, like a bullfighter offering the cape. But we are not that furious beast of compulsive habit and compulsive thrust. We are a group of individuals; it was our own lies and wishes we were believing. Many of these lies had taken root then, and now they flourish. **[[Muriel Rukeyser]] ''The Life of Poetry'' (1949) * Hitler is an outcome of [[Jean-Jacques Rousseau|Rousseau]]. ** [[Bertrand Russell]]'', ''A History of Western Philosophy'', New York: Simon and Schuster, 1945, p. 685. * The ''Motorisierung'' [i.e. expanding motor transportation] was for Hitler the most important contribution to solving the social question, more important even than private housebuilding. ** Lutz Schwerin von Krosigk, ''Staatsbankrott. Die Geschichte der Finanzpolitik des Deutschen Reiches von 1920 bis 1945'', Göttingen, 1974, p. 235; translated by [[Richard Overy]], ''The German Motorisierung and Rearmament: A Reply'', "Economic History Review" 32.1 (1979), p. 110. *In his infamous memoir, Adolf Hitler regretted that, early in life, he’d seen anti-Semitism as persecution of a people on the basis of religious belief, which he thought wrong. He later came to think of this as a Jewish lie to hide the reality that the Jewish people were a separate “race” whose goal was to enslave the rest of mankind. It should not be lost that enslaving all of mankind is a concise summary of Hitler’s own political project. **[[Adam Serwer]] [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2022/02/whoopi-goldbergs-american-idea-race/621470/ Article] (2022) * But without Adolf Hitler, who was possessed of a demonic personality, a granite will, uncanny instincts, a cold ruthlessness, a remarkable intellect, a soaring imagination and – until the end, when, drunk with power and success, he overreached himself – an amazing capacity to size up people and situations, there almost certainly would never have been a Third Reich. ** [[William L. Shirer]], ''The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich'' * Adolf Hitler is probably the last of the great adventurer-conquerors in the tradition of [[Alexander the Great|Alexander]], [[Julius Caesar|Caesar]] and [[Napoleon Bonaparte|Napoleon]], and the Third Reich the last of the [[Empire|empires]] which set out on the path taken earlier by [[France]], [[Roman Empire|Rome]] and [[Macedonia (ancient kingdom)|Macedonia]]. The curtain was rung on that phase of history, at least, by the sudden invention of the [[Nuclear weapons|hydrogen bomb]], of the [[w:ballistic missile|ballistic missile]] and of [[w:Rocket|rockets]] that can be aimed to hit the [[moon]]. In our new age of terrifying, lethal gadgets, which supplanted so swiftly the old one, the first great aggressive war, should it come, will be launched by suicidal little madmen pressing an electronic button. There will be no conquerors and no conquests, but only the charred bones of the dead on an uninhabited [[planet]]. ** [[William L. Shirer]], ''The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich'' (1960), p. xii * In retrospect, it is easy to see that [[w:Kristallnacht|the horrors inflicted upon the Jews of Germany on November 9]] and the harsh and brutal measures taken against them afterward were portents of a fatal weakening which in the end would bring the dictator, his regime and his nation down in utter ruin. The evidences of Hitler's megalomania we have seen permeating hundreds of pages of this narrative. But until now he had usually been able to hold it in check at critical stages in his rise and in that of his country. At such moments his genius for acting not only boldly, but usually only after a careful calculation of the consequences, had won him one crashing success after another. But now, as November 9 and its aftermath clearly showed, Hitler was losing his self-control. His megalomania was getting the upper hand. The stenographic record of the [[Hermann Göring|Goering]] meeting on November 12 reveals that it was Hitler who, in the final analysis, was responsible for the holocaust of that November evening; it was he who gave the necessary approval to launch it; he who pressed Goering to go ahead with the elimination of Jews from German life. From now on the absolute master of the Third Reich would show little of that restraint which had saved him so often before. And though his genius and that of his country would lead to further startling conquests, the poisonous seeds of eventual self-destruction for the dictator and his land had now been sown. Hitler's sickness was contagious; the nation was catching it, as if it were a virus. ** [[William L. Shirer]], ''The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich'' (1960), p. 435 * It was 3:30PM on Monday, April 30, 1945, ten days after Adolf Hitler's sixty-fifth birthday and twelve years and three months to a day since he had become Chancellor of Germany and instituted the Third Reich. It would survive him but a week. ** [[William L. Shirer]], ''The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich'' (1960), p. 1133 *In Hitler’s world, the law of the jungle was the only law. People were to suppress any inclination to be merciful and be as rapacious as they could. Hitler thus broke with the traditions of [[Political philosophy|political thought]] that presented human beings as distinct from [[nature]] in their capacity to [[Imagination|imagine]] and [[Creation|create]] new forms of [[association]]. Beginning from that assumption, political thinkers tried to describe not only the possible but the most just forms of [[society]]. For Hitler, however, nature was the singular, brutal, and overwhelming truth, and the whole history of attempting to think otherwise was an illusion. [[Carl Schmitt]], a leading Nazi legal theorist, explained that [[politics]] arose not from [[history]] or [[concepts]] but from our sense of [[enmity]]. Our racial enemies were chosen by nature, and our task was to [[struggle]] and [[Homicide|kill]] and [[Death|die]]. **[[Timothy D. Snyder]], ''Black Earth: The Holocaust as History and Warning'' (2015) * In contrast to the ultimate realization that he was dealing with a formidable enemy in the east, Hitler clung to the end to his preconceived opinion that the troops of the Western countries were poor fighting material. Even the Allied successes in [[Africa]] and Italy could not shake his belief that these soldiers would run away at the first serious onslaught. He was convinced that these soldiers would run away from the first serious onslaught. He was convinced that democracy enfeebled a nation. As late as the summer of 1944 he held to his theory that all the ground that had been lost in the West would be quickly reconquered. His opinions on the Western statesmen had a similar bias. He considered Churchill, as he often stated during the situation conferences, an incompetent, [[Alcoholism|alcoholic]] [[demagogue]]. And he asserted in all seriousness that Roosevelt was not a victim of infantile paralysis but of syphilitic paralysis and was therefore mentally unsound. These opinions, too, were indications, of his flight from reality in the last years of his life. ** [[Albert Speer]], ''Inside the Third Reich: Memoirs'' (1970), p. 306-307 * Hitler preached "superior and inferior races." [[Stalin]] challenged him in one of the most sweeping statements ever made of human equality: "Neither language nor color of skin nor cultural back-wardeness nor the stage of political development can justify national and race inequality". ** [[Anna Louise Strong]], ''The Stalin Era'' (1957), p. 57 *At the beginning of the [[20th century|twentieth century]], few people would have suspected that a nation considered by many to be the most cultured, advanced and civilized would elect to power a homicidal maniac and allow him to seize total control of every institution in the country and every facet of the community. A man who maltreated, gassed and otherwise murdered millions of people based on their racial and ethnic background. **[[w:Stefan B. Tahmassebi|Stefan B. Tahmassebi]], as quoted in [http://web.archive.org/web/20000816062011/http://www.saf.org/LawReviews/Tahmassebi1.html "Gun Control and Racism"] (1991), by S.B. Tahmassebi, ''George Mason University Civil Rights Law Journal '', Virginia: George Mason University, p. 67 *The ruling elites in [[United Kingdom|Britain]] and [[France]] failed to realize in time that they were not dealing with a slightly more excitable version of [[Weimar Republic|Weimar]]’s [[Gustav Stresemann]] or [[w:Heinrich_Brüning|Heinrich Brüning]]. Hitler was a new phenomenon: an ideologically driven leader who sought not reasonable national satisfaction but absolute power. How did so many people miss seeing this catastrophe in the making until it was (almost) too late? Professional property and industrial developers use (when they can get away with it) a clever but none-too-moral method of gaining permission from the planning authorities for dubious projects. This entails applying for – and being granted – a succession of minor, apparently reasonable, and not necessarily dangerous-looking permissions until, in effect, these accumulate into a permitted project that would not have been allowed had the authorities been presented with the overall plan from the start. This is known in the business as ‘[[w:Salami_slicing|salami slicing]]’. With hindsight, we can see that Hitler was adept at the ‘salami-slicing’ technique in his relations with the British, French, Czechoslovaks, Poles and other interested parties during the later 1930s. By 1939, showing his characteristic mixture of boldness and guile, the Führer had accumulated what he needed, in territory, diplomatic clout and military strength, in order to dominate Europe – not to mention, potentially, the Eurasian lands to the east. During this same year, the democratic powers began to realize the true extent of his aims. Of course, by then it was far too late to thwart him without resorting to massive force. **Frederick Taylor, ''1939: A People's History'' (2020) *Hitler had genuine admiration for the decisive manner in which the [[President of the United States|President]] had taken over the reins of government. **[[w:John Toland (historian)|John Toland]], ''Adolf Hitler: The Definitive Biography'', New York, NY, Anchor Books, Doubleday (1992) p. 312n * Hitler's [[socialism]] was his own and subordinate to his secret aims. His concept of [[Planned economy|organized economy]] was close to genuine socialism but he would be a socialist only so long as it served the greater goal. ** [[w:John Toland (historian)|John Toland]] ''Adolf Hitler: The Definitive Biography'' New York: NY, Anchor Books—Doubleday (1976) p. 314 *[H]e never abandoned his hopes of transforming the country's economic life so as to facilitate the rise of a new [[Meritocracy|meritocratic]] elite. Hitler merely adjourned the whole subject of the economy's future shape until the day when he would realize his grandiose plans for conquest of vast territories. He thus demonstrated sufficient [[Realism (international relations)|realism]] to recognize that he could not prepare Germany for a great war while undertaking a fundamental reorganization of its economy. Accordingly, he left in place the economic elite he had inherited and harnessed its talents for his purposes. Some observers have taken this as proof that he never seriously intended to tamper with the existing social order. But if one reads the monologues to which Hitler subjected his private entourage during the early phases of World War II, when his armies seemed invincible and victory appeared within his grasp, one must come to a different conclusion. For in those monologues Hitler affirmed his intention to alter Germany's economic life after the war so as to do away with what he condemned as the flaws that permitted too much wealth to accumulate in the hands of too few, and too often in what he regarded as undeserving hands. To the end Adolf Hitler held to his quest for a "third way" between [[capitalism]] and [[socialism]]. **[[w:Henry Ashby Turner|Henry Ashby Turner]], ''German Big Business and the Rise of Hitler'' (1985), p. 358 *[T]he erstwhile corporal and his 'ridiculously dangerous' Nazis, as I described them in a report. After the [Munich] Putsch he qualified as a topic, pennilessly raging against [[trade unions]], [[Marxism|Marxists]], [[Freemasonry|Masons]], the [[w:Treaty_of_Versailles|Treaty of Versailles]]. Physically insecure he embodied frustration, and rang the bells of nationalism, which felt impotent too. Released from prison as negligible, he produced a rambling book cribbed from [[Houston Stewart Chamberlain|Houston Chamberlain]]. Few guessed that this was the new German Bible. Nobody in Britain read it, though statesmen must keep abreast of nonsense if they are to appraise our prospects. He also pinched Roman salute and blood-bath from Musso, and compounded a ''Welthanschauung'' of racialism. He had moustached disciples, a crackpot [[economist]], [[Gottfried Feder|Feder]], a flair for hustings and [[w:National Socialist Program|25 points]]. One of them made sense, but not good sense. **[[w:Robert Vansittart, 1st Baron Vansittart|Lord Vansittart]], ''The Mist Procession'' (1958), p. 305 * It seems likely that more will be written about Adolf Hitler than about anyone else in history with the exception of [[Jesus]] [[w:Christ|Christ]]. ... As long as people are fascinated by the range and depth of evil, Hitler will find readers, for he was the [[w:Moloch|Molech]] who devoured human beings in a regime that was "the negation of God erected into a system of Government." ** [[w:Robert G. L. Waite|Robert George Leeson Waite]], ''The Psychopathic God : Adolf Hitler'' (1993), p. xi * When [Friedrich] Krohn and Hitler first met around the time that Hitler first attended a meeting of what was to become the Nazi Party, Hitler told him that he favored a 'socialism' that took the form of a 'national [[Social democracy|Social Democracy]]' that was loyal to the state, not dissimilar to that of [[w:Scandinavia|Scandinavia]], England, and prewar Bavaria. ** [[Thomas Weber (historian)|Thomas Weber]], ''Becoming Hitler: The Making of a Nazi'', New York, NY, Basic Books, 2017, pp. 66-67 * In theory, all Munich-based military units and thus Hitler's regiment, too, were part of the Red Army. In that sense, Hitler served in the Red Army. In reality, however, most regiments neither actively supported the [[w:Soviet Bavarian Republic| Soviet]] [Bavarian] regime nor opposed it. ** [[Thomas Weber (historian)|Thomas Weber]], ''Becoming Hitler: The Making of a Nazi'', New York, NY, Basic Books, 2017, p. 52 *For genius he had, genius on the grandest scale, a genius which finally found expression in works beside which those of [[Richard Wagner|Wagner]] sink to the timid maunderings of a church organist. The Nazi party was his brush, the German nation his palette, Europe – the world – his canvas.<br>With these he created out of his sick imagination, out of all the anger, bitterness, frustration and contempt which boiled within him, one stupendous, horrible and tragic masterpiece. It was not in [[Ireland]] that [[William Butler Yeats|Yeats]]'s "[[w:Easter, 1916|terrible beauty]]" was born: but in Germany.<br>In Hitler the [[w:Romanticism|romantic movement]] reaches a conclusion at once logical and grotesque. The artist, having established his independence of the world, now returns upon it as conqueror. The unacknowledged legislator is at last acknowledged, and lays down the law. The arch-romantic bends the world to his will, and expresses himself at the world's expense. He makes a picture out of our reality. **[[w:Colin Welch|Colin Welch]], "Hitler the Arch-Romantic – and His Masterpiece", ''The Daily Telegraph'' (8 November 1960), quoted in Colin Welch, ''The Odd Thing About the Colonel & Other Pieces'', eds. Craig Brown and Frances Welch (1997), p. 72 * Was there no resistance to his disastrous projects? There was. But it was too feeble, too weak and too late to succeed... The fact is that Hitler was beloved by his people—not the military, at least not in the beginning, but by the average Germans who pledged to him an affection, a tenderness and a fidelity that bordered on the irrational... Winston Churchill was the only man of state who unmasked Hitler immediately and refused to let himself be duped by Hitler's repeated promises that this time he was making his "last territorial demand." ... In his own "logic," Hitler was persuaded for a fairly long time that the German and [[British people]] had every reason to get along and divide up spheres of influence throughout the world. He did not understand British obstinacy in its resistance to his [[Racism|racial philosophy]] and to the practical ends it engendered... After [[Erwin Rommel|Rommel]]'s defeat in [[w:North_African_campaign_of_World_War_II|North Africa]], after the debacle at [[w:Battle_of_Stalingrad|Stalingrad]] and even when the [[w:D-Day_landings|landings in Normandy]] were imminent, Hitler and his entourage still had the mind to come up with the Final Solution. In his testament, drafted in a underground bunker just hours before his suicide in Berlin, Hitler returns again to this hatred of the Jewish people that had never left him. But in the same testament, he settles his score with the German people. He wants them to be sacked, destroyed, reduced to misery and shame for having failed him by denying him his glory. The former corporal become commander in chief of all his armies and convinced of his strategic and political genius was not prepared to recognize his own responsibility for the defeat of his Reich. ** [[Elie Wiesel]] in [http://www.time.com/time/time100/leaders/profile/hitler.html ''Time'' (13 April 1998)]. * Unlike [[Mussolini]] [Hitler] spurned the 'proletariat' and its Marxism, which was as bad as Christianity in his eyes, for it, too, was the faith of the downtrodden and the weak. In Vienna perhaps, certainly later in Munich, Hitler picked up, with a smattering of [[Friedrich Nietzsche|Nietzsche]], the opposite religion of the strong. ** [[w:Elizabeth Wiskemann|Elizabeth Wiskemann]] in ''[[w:The Rome-Berlin Axis|The Rome-Berlin Axis]]'' (page 13). * ...crazy, tasteless even, as it may sound, the problem with Hitler was that ''he was not violent enough'', that his violence was not 'essential' enough... ** [[Slavoj Žižek]], ''In Defense of Lost Causes'' (2008), as quoted by Adam Kirsch, "The Deadly Jester", ''The New Republic'', December 2, 2008 ==== ''The War Aims and Strategies of Adolf Hitler'' (2005) ==== :<small>'''by Oscar Pinkus, Jefferson, NC: McFarland</small> * Adolf Hitler was... a slightly stooped man... with drooping shoulders and a pallid face. ...His voice was shrill and raucus. His... [[wikt:plebeian#Adjective|plebian]] face and general resemblance to a clerk contrasted sharply with his speech... Sulky, morbid and slightly unkept... Because of his rather frail physical frame, he was rejected by the Austrians for military service... When later in the war his eyesight deteriorated he avoided wearing spectacles... He feared flying and distrusted the sea. He refused to indulge in any sport or competition, saying "A leader cannot afford to be beaten in games."<!--p. 8--> * Hitler... ate no meat, drank no [[alcohol]], and did not [[smoke]], nor would he allow others to smoke in his presence. Instead, he was fond of [[Candy|sweets]]. He was not interested in wealth... Of the six women with whom he was involved... five attempted or committed suicide...<!--p. 8--> * Hitler's education was rudimentary. The grades he received in school were poor and he failed to finish high school. For this he hated his teachers. ...Except for newspapers and books on military tactics he had no interest in reading for, said he, "Only a confused jumble of chaotic notions will result from all this reading."<!--p. 8--> * Hitler completely lacked what is a common human trait—a sense of shame.<!--p. 11--> * Vague, wary, secretive, he preferred endless talk. He had a remarkable memory... employed false data and false facts and when discovered never flinched, arguing "The New Testament is full of contradictions but did not prevent spread the spread of Christianity."<!--p. 11--> * Hitler can be described as a possessed psycopath... Whatever he... formulated remained unaltered throughout his life and no... facts ever altered it. He bent and slanted reality to suit his conceptions...<!--p. 12--> * All major decisions were taken by Hitler, without any consultation...<!--p. 12--> * He exterminated by class, by nationality, by race; everyone with a [[Universities|university]] degree, all retarded people, all gypsies, all Jews, all [[Russians|Russian]] POWs—slaughtering entire populations according to his private demons.<!--p. 12--> * Hitler must be classed as a [[Nihilism|nihilist]] because he possessed not one positive idea or objective. ...He had no love or loyalty to anyone or anything.<!--p. 12--> * Before he committed suicide he ordered the destruction of... the Reich, pronouncing... the German people had no right to exist, for they had proved inferior to the "Eastern Peoples."<!--p. 12--> ==Sources== *Norman H. Baynes, ed. ''The Speeches of Adolf Hitler, April 1922–August 1939'', Vols. 1 and 2, Oxford University Press, 1942. *John Cornwell, ''Hitler's Pope: The Secret History of Pius XII'', Viking, 1999. *Richard Steigmann-Gall, ''The Holy Reich: Nazi conception of Christianity, 1919–1945'', Cambridge University Press, 2003. == External links == {{similarlinks}} {{Wikipedia}} * [https://archive.org/details/TheSpeechesOfAdolfHitler19211941 Speeches of Adolf Hitler 1921–1941] *[http://www.ess.uwe.ac.uk/genocide/statements.htm Statements by Hitler and Senior Nazis Concerning Jews and Judaism] ==References== {{Reflist}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Hitler, Adolf}} [[Category:Adolf Hitler| ]] [[Category:1889 births]] [[Category:1945 deaths]] [[Category:Antisemites]] [[Category:Politicians from Austria]] [[Category:Anti-communists]] [[Category:Former Roman Catholics]] [[Category:People of World War II]] [[Category:Chancellors of Germany]] [[Category:Fascist rulers]] [[Category:Heads of state]] [[Category:Non-fiction authors from Austria]] [[Category:Non-fiction authors from Germany]] [[Category:Conspiracy theorists]] [[Category:People of Nazi Germany]] [[Category:Suicides]] [[Category:Vegetarians]] [[Category:White supremacists]] [[Category:Orators]] [[Category:Articles with bare URLs]] eagld6yowxzrmpxg2jbilnhj20udgmo 0 220 3949286 3947922 2026-06-05T17:53:02Z Päppi 2950028 /* N */ Added Henry Nowak 3949286 wikitext text/x-wiki {{refimprove}} '''[[w:Last words|Last words]]''' or final words are a person's final articulated words, stated prior to death or as death approaches. Often they are recorded because of the decedent's fame, but sometimes because of interest in the statement itself. __NOTOC__ [[#A|A]] [[#B|B]] [[#C|C]] [[#D|D]] [[#E|E]] [[#F|F]] [[#G|G]] [[#H|H]] [[#I|I]] [[#J|J]] [[#K|K]] [[#L|L]] [[#M|M]] [[#N|N]] [[#O|O]] [[#P|P]] [[#Q|Q]] [[#R|R]] [[#S|S]] [[#T|T]] [[#U|U]] [[#V|V]] [[#W|W]] [[#X|X]] [[#Y|Y]] [[#Z|Z]] [[#?|?]] [[#See also|See also]] [[#External links|External links]] Sorted alphabetically by last name (with some monarchs and leaders sorted by their first names, e.g. [[#W|William the Silent]]). This article refers only to last words of persons who actually lived or are believed to have actually lived. Last words of fictional characters can be found in [[Fictional last words]]. =A= *I did what I could. **Who: [[Edward Abbey]], an American author and essayist. ***Note: The first quote was a response as to whether he had any last words. (The epitaph on his memorial stone was "No Comment".) The second is an alternative as noted in the reference work ''Last Words of Notable People'' citing ''Epitaph for a Desert Anarchist: The Life and Legacy of Edward Abbey'' by James Bishop. {{cite book |title= Last Words of Notable People: Final Words of More than 3500 Noteworthy People Throughout History|last= Brahms|first= William B. |year= 2010|publisher= [[Reference Desk Press, Inc]]|location= Haddonfield, NJ|isbn= 978-09765325-2-1|page= 1}}; {{cite book |title= Epitaph for a Desert Anarchist: The Life and Legacy of Edward Abbey |last= Bishop|first= James. |year= 2010|publisher= [[Atheneuem]]|location= New York|isbn= 978-06891219-5-1}}. *Van Halen! **Who: [[w:Darrell Abbott|Darrell Abbott]] A.K.A Dimebag Darrell, former guitarist of Pantera and Damageplan. ***Note: Said while playing with Damageplan at a club minutes before he was shot and killed onstage. *Come Lord Jesus, come quickly, finish in me the work that Thou hast begun; into Thy hands, O Lord, I commend my spirit, for Thou hast redeemed me. O God of truth, save me Thy servant, who hopes and confides in Thee alone; let Thy mercy, O Lord, be shewn unto me; in Thee have I trusted, O Lord, let me not be confounded for ever. **Who: [[w:Robert Abbot (bishop)|Robert Abbot]], English prelate. ***Note: ''Last Words of Notable People'' citing ''The life of Dr. George Abbot, Lord Archbishop of Canterbury'' by Arthur Onslow (Guildford, England, 1777). {{cite book |title= Last Words of Notable People: Final Words of More than 3500 Noteworthy People Throughout History|last= Brahms|first= William B. |year= 2010|publisher= [[Reference Desk Press, Inc]]|location= Haddonfield, NJ|isbn= 978-09765325-2-1|page= 1}}. * يام السرور التي صفت لي دون تكدير في مدة سلطاني، يوم كذا من شهر كذا من سنة كذا فعدت تلك الأيام فوجدت أربعة عشر يومًا (''Yam al-surur alati sifat li dun takdir fi mudat sultani, yawm kadha min shahr kadha min sunat kadha fa'idat tilk al-ayām fawajadat 'arba'at 'ashar yawman.'') ** Translation: In this situation, I have diligently numbered the days of pure and genuine happiness which have fallen to my lot... they amount to fourteen! ** Who: [[w:Abd al-Rahman III|Abd al-Rahman III]], founder of the [[w:Caliphate of Córdoba|Caliphate of Córdoba]]. * من در حال رفتن هستم و شما مي خواهيد غذا بخورم؟ (''Man dar hâl raftan hastam, va shomâ mey khâhid ghazâ békhoram?'') ** Translation: I am about to go, and you want me to eat food? ** Who: [[w:`Abdu'l-Bahá|`Abdu'l-Bahá]], son of [[w:Bahá'u'lláh|Bahá'u'lláh]] and one of three central figures of the Bahá'i Faith. *** Note: Spoken when food was offered to him on his deathbed. * I don't know. [''Attributed''] ** Who: [[Peter Abelard]], a medieval French scholastic philosopher, theologian and preeminent logician. * שלף חרבך ומותתני פן-יאמרו לי, אשה הרגתהו (''Shelof charbecha umoteteni pen-yomeru li, ishah haragatehu'') ** Translation: Draw thy sword, and kill me, that [[men]] say not of me: 'A [[woman]] slew him.' ** Who: [[w:Abimelech (Judges)|Abimelech]] *** Note: Abimelech was besieging the town of Thebaz when a woman threw a millstone from a fortified tower and struck him in the head. Realizing the wound was mortal, he quickly told his armor-bearer to kill him so that his death would not be at the hands of a woman. *May the Most High God preserve thee from destruction, and from all the paths of error may He deliver thee. ** Who: [[Abraham]], first of the three patriarchs of Judaism, according to the [[w:Pseudepigrapha|pseudepigraphic]] [[w:Book of Jubilees|Book of Jubilees]]. *** See also: [[w:Abraham|Abraham]] * It's okay! Gun's not loaded... see? ** Who: [[w:Johnny Ace|Johnny Ace]], 1950s rhythm and blues singer. *** Note: Ace was playing [[w:Russian roulette|Russian roulette]] (or something similar; exact accounts vary) with his revolver on Christmas Day 1954, during a backstage break in his concert that day. Someone told him "Be careful with that thing..." and he replied "It's okay! Gun's not loaded... see?" Contrary to Ace's assertion, there was a bullet in the chamber, which, when he pulled the trigger with the barrel of the gun to his face, killed him instantly. *''Ja, maar niet te veel.'' ** Translation: Yes, but not too many. ** Who: [[w:Gerrit Achterberg|Gerrit Achterberg]], Dutch poet. *** Note: Achterberg had just parked his car, when his wife asked: "Zal ik wat aardappelen bakken?" ("Shall I bake some fried potatoes?") After answering the question he suffered a fatal heart attack. **** Note: ''Last Words of Notable People'' citing ''Het refrein is hein: Leven en sterven in een verpleeghuis'' by B. Keizer {{cite book |title= Last Words of Notable People: Final Words of More than 3500 Noteworthy People Throughout History|last= Brahms|first= William B. |year= 2010|publisher= [[Reference Desk Press, Inc]]|location= Haddonfield, NJ|isbn= 978-09765325-2-1|page= 3}}; {{cite book |title= Het refrein is hein: Leven en sterven in een verpleeghuis |last= Keizer |first= Bert |year= 1997|publisher= [[Nijmegen]]|location= Amsterdam|isbn= 978-90616862-1-7}}. * I'm about to board a boat full of white snow. ** Who: [[w:Oscar Zeta Acosta|Oscar Zeta Acosta]] *** Note: Spoken to his son shortly before his disappearance in Mexico. His son surmises that Zeta angered the drug cartels with whom he was dealing, who in turn killed him and hid or disposed of the body. *Oh, yes; it is the glorious Fourth of July. It is a great day. It is a good day. God bless it. God bless you all. [''He then lapsed into unconsciousness; he awakened later, and mumbled,''] Thomas Jefferson... ** Who: [[John Adams]], 2nd President of the United States. ** Note: John Adams died on July 4, 1826, exactly fifty years after the signing of the Declaration of Independence. He is often quoted as having said "[[Thomas Jefferson]] survives" or "Thomas Jefferson still survives" with some depictions indicating he might have not expressed the entire statement before dying, i.e.: "Thomas Jefferson... still survi—", but [http://historynewsnetwork.org/articles/article.html?id=634 some research] indicates that only the words "Thomas Jefferson" were clearly intelligible among his last. Adams was unaware that Jefferson, his great political rival—and later friend and correspondent—had died a few hours earlier that same day. * This is the last of Earth. I am content. ** Who: [[John Quincy Adams]], 6th President of the United States. *** Note: John Quincy Adams suffered a cerebral hemorrhage on the floor of the U.S Capitol Building, as he had become a U.S. Representative from the 11th District of Massachusetts after his presidency. He died two days later. ** As quoted in ''The Truly Great: A Discourse Appropriate to the Life and Character of John Quincy Adams'' (1848) by Edwin Hubbell Chapin and "Illness and Death of John Quincy Adams" (''Little's Living Age'', No. 201, March 18, 1848), citing an account published in ''The New York Courier and Enquirer'', February 25, 1848 and other sources. {{cite book |title= Last Words of Notable People: Final Words of More than 3500 Noteworthy People Throughout History|last= Brahms|first= William B. |year= 2010|publisher= [[Reference Desk Press, Inc]]|location= Haddonfield, NJ|isbn= 978-09765325-2-1|page= 6}}. *Principally, and first of all, I recommend my soul to the Almighty Being who gave it, and my body I commit to the dust, relying on the merits of Jesus Christ for the pardon of my sins. ** Who: [[Samuel Adams]], politician and Founding Father of the United States, in his last will. *If I got any benefits from my work, I'm asking that you pay it forward as best as you can, that the legacy I want-that's the legacy I want-be useful. And please know I loved you all to the very end. ** Who: [[Scott Adams]], author and cartoonist, creator of ''[[Dilbert]]'' *** Note: Pre-prepared statement, read by his ex-wife and caregiver Shelly Miles on the January 13 episode of his ''Coffee with Scott Adams'' daily video series. *See in what peace a Christian can die. ** Who: [[Joseph Addison]], writer, d. June 17, 1719. *** Note: Spoken to his stepson, the Earl of Warwick. ** As quoted in ''Conjectures on Original Composition: In a Letter to the Author of Sir Charles Grandison'' (1759) by Edward Young and Samuel Richardson. ** Variation: I have sent for you to see how a Christian can die. ** As quoted in ''A New Biographical Dictionary: Containing a Brief Account of the Lives and Writings of the Most Eminent Persons and Remarkable Characters in Every Age and Nation'' (1805) by Stephen Jones. ** Variations of Addison's last words compared and discussed. {{cite book |title= Last Words of Notable People: Final Words of More than 3500 Noteworthy People Throughout History|last= Brahms|first= William B. |year= 2010|publisher= [[Reference Desk Press, Inc]]|location= Haddonfield, NJ|isbn= 978-09765325-2-1|page= 7}}. * ''Do jitt et nix zo kriesche.'' ** Translation: There's nothing to cry about. ** Who: [[Konrad Adenauer]], 1st Chancellor of West Germany *** Note: When Adenauer briefly awoke on his deathbed, he said the following sentence to his children, spoken in [[w:Colognian dialect|Kölsch]]. He slipped back into unconsciousness soon after and died six days later. <ref>[https://www.nwzonline.de/hintergrund/vom-haeftling-zum-groessten-deutschen_a_31,2,3634043659.html#/ Vom Häftling zum „größten Deutschen“]. ''NWZonline''. Retrieved October 8, 2024.</ref> * הפך ידך והוציאני מן-המחנה—כי החלית (''Hafoch yadecha vehotzi'eni min-hammachaneh—ki hocholeiti'') ** Translation: Turn your hand, and carry me out of the battle — I am wounded ** Who: [[w:Ahab|Ahab]], seventh king of Israel * The bastards tried to come over me last night. I guess they didn't know I was a Marine. ** Who: Private First Class [[w:Edward H. Ahrens|Edward H. Ahrens]] *** Note: During the [[w:Battle of Tulagi and Gavutu–Tanambogo|Battle of Tulagi]], Private Ahrens was mortally wounded while single-handedly fighting back a group of Japanese soldiers attempting to infiltrate Allied lines. After his superior officer discovered Ahrens the next morning surrounded by dead Japanese troops, he whispered these words and died. * שמע ישראל אדני אלהינו אדני ''אחד'' (''Shema Yisrael Adonai Eloheinu Adonai Echad'') ** Translation: Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God! The Lord is ''One!'' ** Who: Rabbi [[Akiba ben Joseph]] (Akiva) *** Note: These words (the Shema, from Deuteronomy 6:4) were stated as R. Akiva was being flayed by a Roman executioner for his continuing to teach the Torah, despite the Roman prohibition on doing so (Talmud Berachot 61b). It is said that Akiva lengthened his saying of the word "אחד" (''echad'', "one") until he expired. Because of R. Akiva, it is customary for Jews to recite the Shema as their last words. * Is it not meningitis? ** Who: [[Louisa May Alcott]], an American novelist and poet best known as the author of the novel ''Little Women''. *** Note: Alcott had been in ill health for many years and took a turn for the worse after she visited her father. She did not have meningitis. She may have died of mercury poisoning, the after-effect of an earlier treatment for typhoid fever. {{cite book |title= Last Words of Notable People: Final Words of More than 3500 Noteworthy People Throughout History|last= Brahms|first= William B. |year= 2010|publisher= [[Reference Desk Press, Inc]]|location= Haddonfield, NJ|isbn= 978-09765325-2-1|page= 12}}. ** As quoted in ''Louisa May Alcott: Her Life, Letters and Journals'' (1805) by Ednah D. Cheney. * You be good. See you tomorrow. I love you. ** Who: [[w:Alex (parrot)|Alex]], [[w:African Grey Parrot|African Grey Parrot]] used in comparative psychology research at Brandeis University. *** Note: Spoken to his handler, Dr. Irene Pepperberg, when she put him in his cage for the night; he was found dead the next morning. This wasn't said due to Alex's knowledge of his impending death, but simply because that was what Alex said to Pepperberg every night before being locked in his cage. ** {{cite news | url = http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1661695,00.html | title = Milestones | work = [[w:Time (magazine)|Time]] | page = 24 | date = [[24 September]] [[2007]] | accessdate = 2007-09-22 }} * τῷ κρατίστῳ (''tô kratístō'') [''Attributed''] ** Translation: To the strongest! ** Who: [[Alexander the Great]], King of the Ancient Greek kingdom of Macedon and a member of the Argead dynasty. *** Note: In response to his generals asking the heirless Alexander which one of them would get control of the empire. When asked on his deathbed who was to succeed him, his voice may have been indistinct. Alexander may have said "Krateros" (the name of one of his generals), but he was not around, and the others may have chosen to hear "Kratistos— the strongest". * Несите меня во дворец… там… умереть… (''Nesite menya vo dvorets… tam… umeret…'') ** Translation: Take me to the palace... there... to die... ** Who: [[w:Alexander II of Russia|Alexander II of Russia]] *** Note: His guards heard him utter this phrase when they found his maimed body under a seat from his carriage after he was attacked with bombs by anarchists in an assassination attempt. He lost his left leg and was taken home where he died hours after his wound. * ''Aspetta un minuto...'' ** Translation: Wait a minute... ** Who: [[w:Pope Alexander VI|Pope Alexander VI]] *** Note: His last words have also reported to have been: ''Va bene, va bene, arrivo. Aspettate un momento.'' (Okay, okay, I'll come. Just give it a moment.) * ''Chiudi la mia mano, cara amica, sto morendo.'' ** Translation: Clasp my hand, dear friend, I am dying. ** Who: [[w:Vittorio Alfieri|Vittorio Alfieri]], was an Italian dramatist and poet, considered the "founder of Italian tragedy." * I'm in no pain. No pain. Don't cry for me, Rahaman. I'm going to be with Allah. I made peace with God, I'm okay... Rahaman, how do I look? ** Who: [[Muhammad Ali]] *** Note: Rahaman Ali, a former heavyweight boxer, was Muhammad Ali's younger brother. ** As quoted in [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/06/04/muhammad-ali-told-family-he-was-in-no-pain-and-going-to-allah/ "Muhammad Ali told family he was 'in no pain and going to Allah'"] by Nick Allen, ''The Telegraph'' (4 June 2016) *I'm sorry, boys. I'm all wet. ** Who: [[Gracie Allen]], wife and comedy partner of [[George Burns]]. * ''Más pronto que tarde, las grandes avenidas se abrirán de nuevo y los hombres libres caminarán a través de ellas para construir una sociedad mejor. ¡Larga vida a Chile! Larga vida a la gente! ¡Larga vida a los trabajadores! Estas son mis últimas palabras, y estoy seguro de que mi sacrificio no será en vano, estoy seguro de que, al menos, será una lección moral que castigará la felonía, la cobardía y la traición.'' ** Translation: Sooner rather than later, the great avenues will open again and free men will walk through them to construct a better society. Long live Chile! Long live the people! Long live the workers! These are my last words, and I am certain that my sacrifice will not be in vain, I am certain that, at the very least, it will be a moral lesson that will punish felony, cowardice, and treason. ** Who: [[Salvador Allende]], Chilean physician and politician, 28th President of Chile. *** Note: Last speech given before he committed suicide during the [[w:1973 Chilean coup d'état|1973 coup d'état]]. *Fuck y'all. ** Who: [[August Ames]], Canadian pornographic actress. d. December 5, 2017. *** Note: This was Ames' final tweet before she committed [[suicide]] the following day. Over the past few days Ames had been subject to intense cyberbullying after another Twitter post where she stated her reluctance to work with a male co-worker who'd done gay porn. *Thank you all for helping to making my life the incredible tale it was. I'm sorry it had to end on such a heartbreaking note. Though I know for SURE hella people are gonna prolly laugh at it LOL I just hope there's at least some fresh me-me's that come of it. I'm dying as a guy hated by a lot of people, so I know you all won't let me down haha. Well, that's my cue. Time for me to go. I mean this with every bit of my heart... Take care of yourselves, and of course, as usual, please have yourself a damn good one. *Um, Poki, sorry for scaring you so much. I really am sorry for that, I apologize. I was being stupid. Christine, sorry for being so hard-headed, and all the other horrible things I did. I mean, hey, two...two wrongs don't make a right, but I mean, y'know. Hmm. ** Who: Desmond Daniel Amofah, aka [[w:Etika|Etika]] *** Note: The first quote comes from the end of the description of his pre-recorded suicide note, titled "I'm sorry". The second quote is the final words spoken by Amofah in the video. Amofah disappeared later that night, leaving his belongings at the Manhattan Bridge, and was found dead from drowning five days later. * ''Spørg mig ikke, hvordan jeg er! Jeg forstår intet mere.'' ** Translation: Don't ask me how I am! I understand nothing more. ** Who: [[Hans Christian Andersen]], Danish author of ''The Ugly Duckling'', ''The Little Mermaid'', ''The Emperor's New Clothes'', ''The Snow Queen'', and ''The Princess and the Pea''. * I pray you to bear me witness that I meet my fate like a brave man. ** Who: [[w:John André|Major John André]], a British Army officer. *** Note: According to James Thatcher's book ''The American Revolution'', André raised the handkerchief from his eyes and said these words when given an opportunity to speak, moments before he was hanged as a British spy. * ''Pardonnez-moi, monsieur. Je ne l'ai pas fait exprès.'' ** Translation: Pardon me, sir. I did not do it on purpose. ** Who: [[Marie Antoinette]], Queen of France and Archduchess of Austria. *** Note: As she approached the guillotine, convicted of treason and about to be beheaded, she accidentally stepped on the foot of her executioner. * ''Aequanimitas.'' ** Translation: Equanimity. ** Who: [[w:Antoninus Pius|Emperor Antoninus Pius]] *** Note: When tribune of the night watch came to ask for the password. * Well, gentlemen, you are about to see a baked Appel. ** Who: George Appel, executed by [[w:electric chair|electric chair]] in 1928. * ''Mennyi az idő? Különben mindegy...'' ** Translation: What is the time? Never mind, it's not important... ** Who: [[János Arany]], Hungarian poet. * ''Μη μου τους κύκλους τάραττε'' (''Mè mou tous kuklous taratte'') ** Translation: Don't disturb my circles! ** Alternate: Don't disturb my equation. ** Who: [[Archimedes]], an Ancient Greek mathematician, physicist, engineer, inventor, and astronomer. *** Note: In response to a Roman soldier who was forcing him to report to the Roman general after the capture of Syracuse, while he was busy sitting on the ground proving geometry theorems. The soldier killed him, despite specific instructions not to, resulting in his execution. * ''Zeg de mensen dat homoseksuelen niet per definitie zwakkelingen zijn.'' ** Translation: Let it be known that homosexuals are not necessarily cowards. ** Who: [[w:Willem Arondeus|Willem Arondeus]], Dutch artist and writer, member of the Anti-Nazi resistance. *** Note: He led a group in bombing the Amsterdam Public Records Office, destroying thousands of files to prevent the Nazis from identifying Jews. Within a week, Arondeus and the other members of the group were arrested. Twelve, including Arondeus, were executed by firing squad. * ''Tali segreti sono stati rivelati a me che tutto quello che ho scritto ora appare come tanta paglia.'' ** Translation: Such secrets have been revealed to me that all I have written now appears as so much straw. ** Who: [[Thomas Aquinas]], philosopher, theologian and jurist in the tradition of scholasticism. * Let me die in the old uniform in which I fought my battles for freedom, May God forgive me for putting on another. ** Who: [[Benedict Arnold]], general during the American Revolutionary War who defected from the Continental Army to the British. *** Note: He wanted to wear his old Continental Army uniform. * I love you too, honey. Good luck with your show. ** Who: [[w:Desi Arnaz|Desi Arnaz]], an American musician, actor, television producer, writer and director. *** Note: He was speaking on the telephone to his former wife Lucille Ball, regarding her TV series, ''[[w:Life with Lucy|Life with Lucy]]''. Neither Arnaz nor Ball had yet been informed that ''Life with Lucy'' had already been canceled. * Life is not worth living. ** Who: [[w:Chester A. Arthur|Chester A. Arthur]], 21st president of the United States. * I didn't want to leave this world without knowing who my descendant was; thank you, Michael. ** Who: [[w:Fred Astaire|Fred Astaire]], American entertainer best known for his dancing skills. *** The "Michael" is [[w:Michael Jackson|Michael Jackson]]. * The ladies have to go first. Goodbye, dearie. I'll see you later. ** Who: [[w:John Jacob Astor IV|John Jacob Astor IV]], an American businessman, real estate builder, investor, inventor, writer, lieutenant colonel in the Spanish–American War, and a prominent member of the Astor family. *** Note: The accuracy of this report is disputed. Astor and his wife were traveling on the [[w:RMS Titanic|Titanic]] when it struck an iceberg and began to sink. As Astor prepared to enter a lifeboat with his wife, a group of female passengers appeared on deck. He gave up his seat and spoke his final words to his wife; he was later found floating in the ocean, dead. * Am I dying, or is this my birthday? ** Who: [[w:Nancy Astor, Viscountess Astor|Lady Nancy Astor]], an American-born English socialite. *** Note: In her final illness, she awoke on her deathbed to see her family at her bedside. The full quote is "Jackie, am I dying, or is this my birthday?" to which Jackie replied "A bit of both, Mum." Astor did not die on her birthday. * Nobody move please, we are going back to the airport, don't try to make any stupid moves. ** Who: [[Mohamed Atta]], [[w:American Airlines Flight 11|American Airlines Flight 11]] hijacker-pilot. *** Note: This was the second transmission Atta intended to say to the passengers that he transmitted to air traffic control after he pressed the wrong button several minutes earlier. * ''Acta est fabula, plaudite.'' ** Translation: Have I played the part well? Then applaud as I exit. ** Who: [[Augustus]], the first emperor of the Roman empire *** Note: His last words are also reported to be: ''Marmoream se relinquere, quam latericiam accepisset'' – "I found Rome a city of clay, but left it a city of marble". * I want nothing but death. ** Who: [[Jane Austen]], an English novelist known principally for her five major novels which interpret, critique and comment upon the life of the British landed gentry at the end of the 18th century. *** Note: In response to her sister Cassandra who had asked her if she wanted something. ** As quoted in ''Last Words of Notable People: Final Words of More than 3500 Noteworthy People Throughout History'' (2010) by William B. Brahms which discusses a letter from Cassandra to her niece Fannie Knight after the death of Jane Austen on July 18, 1817. Brahms notes the letter is reprinted in ''Letters of Jane Austen'' (1884) by Jane Austen. * I ask you all to forgive me. I ask the people of Samford to forgive me. I ask my mother to forgive me. May you all live long and die happy. God save the King! God save the King! God be with you all! Send a wire to my mother and tell her I died happy, won't you. Yes tell her I died happy with no fear. Goodbye all! Goodbye all! ** Who: [[w:Ernest Austin (murderer)|Ernest Austin]] *** Note: Austin made this statement before being hanged for rape and murder, the last two as he fell through the trap door. He was the last person in Queensland to be hanged. * I love you. ** Who: [[w:Avicii|Avicii]], Swedish DJ and musician. *** Note: Spoken to his girlfriend, Tereza Kacerova, on the day of his suicide. =B= * مودند اى مردم اگر مرا ميشناختيد مثل اين جوان که ّ اجل از شماست در اين سبيل قربان ميشديد من آن ظهور موعودى هستم که آسمان کمتر مثل او را ديده سيصد و سيزده تن از نقباء خود را فداى من کردند اين (''Ay mardom, agar marâ mí-shenâkhtid mesl in javân keh ajal az shomâst dar in sabil ghorbāne mí-shodid man ân zohur maw'ūd hastam ke âsmân kamtar mesl u râ dide estad va sizah tan az nuqaba' khod râ fidā'iyy man kárdand in.'') ** Translation: Had you believed in Me, O wayward generation, every one of you would have followed the example of this youth, who stood in rank above most of you, and willingly would have sacrificed himself in My path. The day will come when you will have recognised Me; that day I shall have ceased to be with you. ** Who: [[The Báb]], founder of Bábism, and one of three central figures of the Bahá'í Faith. *** Note: His final words were shouted at the spectating crowd during His execution by a firing squad. The words "this youth" refer to the young Mirza Muhammad-'Ali, who was being executed along with him. * ''Weine nicht für mich, denn ich gehe dahin, wo Musik geboren wird.'' ** Translation: Don't cry for me, for I go where music is born. ** Who: [[Johann Sebastian Bach]], German Baroque composer. *** Note: Said to his wife on his deathbed. * My name and memory I leave to man's charitable speeches, to foreign nations, and to the next age. ** Who: [[Francis Bacon]], Renaissance scientist. * Oh God, here I go! ** Who: [[w:Max Baer (boxer)|Max Baer]], American boxer. *** Note: Spoken after a fatal heart attack. * My Florida water. ** Who: [[Lucille Ball]], an American actress, comedian, model, film studio executive and producer. *** Note: Her response when asked if she wanted anything. Ball's last ''written'' words, to [[w:Carol Burnett|Carol Burnett]] along with her annual birthday gift to her, were, "Happy birthday, kid. Love, Lucy." Burnett received the message and gift the day after Ball had died. * Oh, you young people act like old men. You have no fun. ** Who: [[w:Josephine Baker|Josephine Baker]], an American-born French dancer, jazz and pop music singer, and actress. *** Note: The famed starlet was reportedly attempting to seduce a man several decades younger than she was. She died of a stroke later that night. * I'm in the hands of Jesus... ** Who: [[w:Tammy Faye Messner|Tammy Faye Messner]], an American Christian singer, evangelist, entrepreneur, author, talk show host, and television personality. *** Note: As told by her husband Roe Messner on CNN's ''Larry King Live''. Roe was with Tammy Faye at the moment of her death. * Codeine...bourbon... ** Who: [[Tallulah Bankhead]], an American actress of the stage and screen, and a reputed libertine. *** Note: Her response when asked if she wanted anything. * You know. Bill and I have working on Hanna-Barbera studios since many years ago. We've did cartoons such as Yogi Bear, Huckleberry Hound, Quick Draw McGraw, the Flintstones and more. That was very perfect at all. ** Who: [[w:Joseph Barbera|Joseph Barbera]], American animator, director, producer, storyboard artist, and cartoon artist * Stay loyal, remain free, and always value honor. ** Who: [[w:Sonny Barger|Sonny Barger]], founder of the Oakland Hells Angels motorcycle club, as part of a note he wrote to be released upon his death. * I would rather be a servant in the House of the Lord than to sit in the seats of the mighty. ** Who: [[w:Alben W. Barkley|Alben W. Barkley]], former Vice President of the United States. *** Note: He suffered a fatal heart attack in the middle of a speech. His last words were caught on tape. * How were the receipts today at Madison Square Garden? ** Who: [[P. T. Barnum]], circus entrepreneur. * I can't sleep. ** Who: [[J.M. Barrie]], author of works including ''Peter Pan''. * .توكلت على الله. توكلت على الله. توكلت على الله. توكلت على الله. توكلت على الله. توكلت على الله. توكلت على الله. توكلت على الله. توكلت على الله. توكلت على الله توكلت على الله. (''Tawakalt ala Allah. Tawakalt ala Allah. Tawakalt ala Allah. Tawakalt ala Allah. Tawakalt ala Allah. Tawakalt ala Allah. Tawakalt ala Allah. Tawakalt ala Allah. Tawakalt ala Allah. Tawakalt ala Allah. Tawakalt ala Allah.'') ** Translation: I rely on God. I rely on God. I rely on God. I rely on God. I rely on God. I rely on God. I rely on God. I rely on God. I rely on God. I rely on God. I rely on God. ** Who: [[w:Gameel Al-Batouti|Gameel Al-Batouti]], EgyptAir pilot *** Note: Batouti continually repeated these words while at the controls of [[w:EgyptAir Flight 990|EgyptAir Flight 990]] moments before the plane crashed into the Atlantic Ocean shortly after leaving New York City for Cairo. The NTSB said that Batouti deliberately crashed the plane while Egyptian investigators said that mechanical failure caused the crash. * Is everybody happy? I want everybody to be happy. I know I'm happy. ** Who: [[w:Ethel Barrymore|Ethel Barrymore]], an American actress regarded as the "First Lady of the American Theater." *** Note: Spoken to her housekeeper before her passing. * Die, I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him. ** Who: [[John Barrymore]], an American actor on stage, screen and radio. * Now we can cross the Shifting Sands. ** Who: [[L. Frank Baum]], author of ''[[The Wonderful Wizard of Oz]].'' *** Note: Baum was referring to the Shifting Sands, the impassable desert surrounding the Land of Oz. * Are you guys ready? Let's roll. ** Who: [[w:Todd Beamer|Todd Beamer]], passenger on United Flight 93, September 11, 2001. *** Note: These are his last recorded words, coming at the end of a cell phone call before Beamer and others attempted to storm the airliner's cockpit to retake it from hijackers who were part of the [[w:September 11, 2001 attacks|9/11 terrorist attacks]]. The plane crashed near Shanksville, Pennsylvania. * Rain had always been a harbinger of tragedy for me. ** Who: George Beard, an American neurologist who popularized the term [[w:neurasthenia|neurasthenia]]. *** Note: His death occurred during a rainstorm. * ''Bonaparte...l'île d'Elbe...le roi de Rome.'' ** Translation: [[w:Napoleon|Bonaparte]]... [[w:Elba|the island of Elba]]... the King of Rome. ** Who: [[w:Joséphine de Beauharnais|Joséphine de Beauharnais]], first wife of [[w:Napoleon|Napoleon Bonaparte]]. * ''Ich denke an frühere Zeiten.'' ** Translation: I am thinking of earlier times. **Who: [[w:Ludwig Beck|Ludwig Beck]], German general, committing suicide after the [[w:20 July plot|failed attempt]] to kill Hitler, 20 July 1944. * [''To his murderers''] If all the swords in England were pointed against my head, your threats would not move me. * I am ready to die for my Lord, that in my blood the Church may obtain liberty and peace. ** Who: [[w:Thomas Becket|Thomas Becket]], Archbishop of Canterbury, d. 1170. * Now comes the mystery. ** Who: [[Henry Ward Beecher]], evangelist, d. March 8, 1887. * ''Plaudite, amici, comedia finita est.'' ** Translation: Applaud, my friends, the comedy is finished. (The formula traditionally used to end a performance of ''commedia dell'arte.'') ** Who: [[Ludwig van Beethoven]], German composer. *** Note: His final words are subject to historical debate, and vary with many biographies. Among those that have been reported to be his last words are: ***[''Upon the arrival from his publisher of 12 bottles of wine''] Pity, pity, too late! ***I shall hear in Heaven. *** [''To his friend, composer [[w:Johann Nepomuk Hummel|Johann Nepomuk Hummel]], who was at his bedside''] Is it not true, Hummel, that I have some talent after all? ***I feel as if up to now I had written no more than a few notes. ***There, do you hear the bell? Don't you hear it ringing? The curtain must drop. Yes! My curtain is falling. ***[''To a priest, after he received his last rites''] I thank you, Reverend Sir. You have brought me comfort. *** Another biographer states him saying nothing; simply shaking his fists defiantly at the heavens as a thunderstorm raged outside his window. This is taken from the report of composer [[w:Anselm Hüttenbrenner|Anselm Hüttenbrenner]], a close friend of Beethoven who was present at his death. * ''Todo mortal...'' ** Translation: ''All mortal...'' ** Who: [[w:Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer|Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer]], a Spanish post-romanticist poet and writer, also a playwright, literary columnist, and talented in drawing. *** Note: He was delirious because of high fever and illness. *''No.'' ** Who: [[Alexander Graham Bell]], a Scottish-born scientist, inventor, engineer and innovator who is credited with patenting the first practical telephone. *** Note: While Alexander Graham Bell was dying, his deaf wife whispered to him, "Don't leave me." Bell responded by signing the word, "No." * I'd rather die watching football than in my bed with my boots off. ** Who: [[w:Bert Bell|Bert Bell]], founding owner of the Philadelphia Eagles football team and commissioner of the National Football League. Bell indeed died of a heart attack watching an Eagles game that day. * Just don't leave me alone. ** Who: [[w:John Belushi|John Belushi]], an American comedian, actor, and musician. * ''Signore, ti amo.'' ** Translation: Lord, I love you. ** Who: [[w:Pope Benedict XVI|Pope Benedict XVI]], as confirmed by Archbishop Georg Gänswein. * I love you. Thank you. ** Who: [[Tony Bennett]], American traditional pop singer. *** To his wife and son, respectively. *''The dogs are in the enclosed pool area. Garage side door is open.'' ** Who: [[w:Chris Benoit|Chris Benoit]], a professional wrestler who worked for WWE. *** Note: This was a text sent to fellow wrestler and longtime friend Chavo Guerrero after Benoit had murdered his wife and children and shortly before he hung himself. * How did the [[w:New York Mets|Mets]] do today? ** Who: [[Moe Berg]], an American baseball catcher and World War II spy. *** Note: The Mets won that day. * My name is Nick Berg, my father's name is Michael, my mother's name is Suzanne. I have a brother and sister, David and Sarah. I live in West Chester, Pennsylvania, near Philadelphia. ** Who: [[w:Nick Berg|Nick Berg]], American contractor *** Note: Berg identifies himself at the beginning of a video posted on an Islamic website that ends with Berg being beheaded by terrorists in Iraq. * And where do you come from? ** Who: [[w:Isaiah Berlin|Isaiah Berlin]], a Latvian-British social and political theorist, philosopher and historian of ideas. *** Note: To the nurse caring for him. Hardy, Henry (2001). [http://berlin.wolf.ox.ac.uk/writings_on_ib/hhonib/legacy.html "Review of ''The Legacy of Isaiah Berlin''"]. The Isaiah Berlin Virtual Library. * ''Enfin, on va jouer ma musique.'' ** Translation: At last, they are going to play my music. ** Who: [[Hector Berlioz]], French composer *** Note: These words were reputedly his last, but other reports include him saying: *** [''Bidding farewell to composer [[w:Mily Balakirev|Mily Balakirev]]''] One thousand greetings to Balakirev. *** [''Speaking to his dead wife''] Oh, Mère Recio, it is finished. *** [''Quoting from Macbeth's final soliloquy in Shakespeare's play of the same name'']: "Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." That is my signal. * ''Jag behöver den.'' ** Translation: I'll need it. ** Who: [[Folke Bernadotte|Count Folke Bernadotte of Wisborg]], Swedish diplomat and nobleman. *** Note: In response as he drove away after he inspected a bullet in his vehicle's wheel and a newspaper man shouted "Good luck!" * ''Cette fois il me servira pour le voyage d'où il n'y a pas de retour, le voyage de l'éternité.'' ** Translation: This time it will serve me for the voyage from which there is no return, the voyage of eternity. ** Who: [[Claude Bernard]], a French physiologist. *** Note: Spoken when he began to feel cold and a cover was placed on his feet. * Never fear; if you will but have patience I don't doubt we shall get through; but take care how you ever get in such a scrape again. ** Who: [[w:Sir Francis Bernard, 1st Baronet|Sir Francis Bernard, 1st Baronet]], a British colonial administrator who served as governor of the provinces of New Jersey and Massachusetts Bay. * Don't die like I did. * Bestie, you've got to help me. They're having a fucking party in here. I heard them last night, Bestie. They were having drinks and there were girls. ** Who: [[George Best]], a Northern Irish professional footballer who played as a winger for Manchester United and the Northern Ireland national team. *** Note: Best died as a result of a lung infection and multiple organ failure caused by years of alcoholism. The first line was published in ''News of the World'' with a picture of Best lying in his hospital bed, five days before his death. The second line, heard by his son Calum, came during after the beeping machines in his ward sent him hallucinating that he was at a club. * Dear God. Dear God. Why is this happening? I just want to go home. ** Who: [[w:Cassie Bernall|Cassie Bernall]], victim of the [[w:Columbine High School massacre |Columbine High School massacre]]. *** Note: According to Emily Wyant, a close friend of Cassie's, she was heard praying in these last words before Eric Harris yelled "Peek-a-boo!" and fatally shot her in the face. This account disproves the myth that Bernall said "yes" to Dylan Klebold before he shot her dead (it was actually Valeen Schnurr who got terribly shot ''before'' being asked by Klebold if she believed in God and surviving the whole ordeal). [http://www.salon.com/1999/09/30/bernall/] * ''Combien lent est mon agonie.'' ** Translation: How slow my death agony is. ** Who: [[Sarah Bernhardt|Sarah Bernhardt]], a French stage and early film actress. * اے رب، میری مدد کریں ... کیونکہ میں معصوم ہوں. (''Ae rab, meri madad karen...kyunkay mein masoom hon.'') ** Translation: O Lord, help me... for I am innocent. ** Who: [[w:Zulfikar Ali Bhutto|Zulfikar Ali Bhutto]], Prime Minister of Pakistan. *** Note: Said shortly before his hanging. * ''Dêem-me café, vou escrever!'' ** Translation: Give me coffee, I'm going to write. ** Who: [[w:Olavo Bilac|Olavo Bilac]], Brazilian poet. * I will love you forever. ** Who: [[w:Bushwick Bill|Bushwick Bill]], American rapper *** Note: Spoken to his son on his deathbed. * ''¿Quién es? ¿Quién es?'' ** Translation: Who is it? Who is it? ** Who: [[Billy the Kid|Billy the Kid]], an American Old West gunfighter who participated in New Mexico's Lincoln County War. ***Note: When Billy saw sheriff [[w:Pat Garrett|Pat Garrett]], he failed to recognize him due to the poor lighting. Garrett then shot him to death. * لا تضيء الضوء! (''la tudi' alduwa!'') ** Translation: Don't turn on the light. ** Who: [[Osama bin Laden]], founder of [[Al-Qaeda]]. * I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart. I want to thank all of my family and friends for my prayers and who supported and believed in me. My Father, I'm being paroled to heaven. I will now spend all my holidays with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Peace be with you all. Amen. ** Who: [[w:Kenneth Biros|Kenneth Biros]], first person executed by a one-drug lethal injection in Ohio on December 8, 2009. * ''Haus.'' ** Translation: Home.; Literally: House. ** Who: [[Otto von Bismarck]], German statesman and Chancellor of Germany. *** Note: Scrawled on a piece of paper; there is debate as to whether Bismarck meant to convey that he was returning to the afterlife or was simply delirious or intoxicated. * ''Ben konuşmamı Sezai Karakoç'un size atfen yazdığı satırlarla bitiriyorum. Onlar sanıyorlar ki biz sussak mesele kalmayacak. Halbuki biz sussak tarih susmayacak. Tarih sussa hakikat susmayacak. Onlar sanıyorlar ki, bizden kurtulsalar, mesele kalmayacak. Halbuki bizden kurtulsanız, vicdan azabından kurtulamayacaksınız. Vicdan azabından kurtulsanız, tarihin azabından kurtulamayacaksınız. Tarihin azabından kurtulsanız, Allah'ın gazabından kurtulamayacaksınız. Hepinizi saygıyla selamlıyorum.'' ** Translation: I end my speech with the lines Sezai Karakoç wrote with reference to you. They think that if we keep silent, there will be no problem. However, if we remain silent, history will not remain silent. Even if history remains silent, the truth will not remain silent. They think when they get rid of us, there will be no problem. However, even if you get rid of us, you will not be able to get rid of the torment of conscience. Even if you get rid of the torment of conscience, you will not be able to get rid of the torment of history. Even if you get rid of the torment of history, you will not be able to get rid of the wrath of God. I greet you all with respect. ** Who: [[w:Hasan Bitmez|Hasan Bitmez]], Turkish politician *** Note: Bitmez, a member of the [[w:Grand National Assembly of Turkey|Grand National Assembly]], said these lines at the end of a speech he gave during a parliamentary session, shortly before suffering a fatal heart attack. * ''À moi!'' ** Translation: Help!; Literally: To me! ** Who: [[w:Sophie Blanchard|Sophie Blanchard]], a French aeronaut and the wife of ballooning pioneer [[w:Jean-Pierre Blanchard |Jean-Pierre Blanchard]]. *** Note: Blanchard, a balloonist, said these words when her balloon crashed, killing her. * I die in the faith of my people. May the German people be aware of its enemies!<ref name="NYTimes1951-06-18"> {{cite news | work = Time | title = Germany: Case Closed | date = 18 June 1951 | url = http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,814963,00.html }} </ref> ** Who: [[w:Paul Blobel|Paul Blobel]], a German SS officer *** Note: Blobel said these words before his execution. * Goodbye, kid. Hurry back. ** Who: [[Humphrey Bogart]], an American screen actor who performed in iconic 1940s films noir such as ''The Maltese Falcon'', ''Casablanca'', and ''The Big Sleep.'' *** Note: The line was spoken to his wife, Lauren Bacall, as she left his bedside to pick up her children. She returned to find Bogart in a coma, from which he never regained consciousness. * ''À Jésus-Christ je recommande mon âme! Jésus recevez mon âme! Jésus recevez mon âme! Jésus recevez–'' ** Translation: To Jesus Christ I commend my soul. Jesus have pity on me. Jesus have pity on me. Jesus have pity– ** Who: [[Anne Boleyn]] * Damn it! How will I ever get out of this labyrinth? ** Who: [[Simon Bolivar]], a Venezuelan military and political leader. *** Note: His last words are also recorded as "Fetch The Luggage, They do not want us here" * ''France, armée, tête d'armée, Joséphine.'' ** Translation: ''France, Army, Head of the Army, Joséphine.'' ** Who: [[Napoleon Bonaparte]], French military leader and emperor who conquered much of Europe in the early 19th century. He died in exile in Saint Helena on 5 May 1821. * ...و مع الإسلام (''Wa ma' l'iislam...'') ** Translation: And of Islam... ** Who: [[w:Mohamed Boudiaf|Mohamed Boudiaf]], President of Algeria. *** Note: In 1992, he was conducting a televised speech in Arabic to an audience at a newly-opened cultural centre in Annaba, when his assassin struck. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ke4OilxPboM] * ''Ah, das schmeckt gut. Vielen Dank.'' ** Translation: Ah, that tastes nice. Thank you. ** Who: [[w:Johannes Brahms|Johannes Brahms]], a German composer and pianist. *** Note: Spoken after he had a small glass of wine. * ''Frau Junge, ich möchte Ihnen diesen Mantel zum Abschied schenken. Ich habe immer so gerne gut angezogene Damen um mich gehabt, jetzt sollen Sie ihn haben und sich daran freuen.'' ** Translation: Mrs. Junge, I would like to give you this coat as a parting gift. I've always loved being around well-dressed women, and now you can have it and enjoy it. ** Who: [[w:Eva Braun|Eva Braun]], wife of Adolf Hitler *** Note: Spoken to [[w:Traudl Junge|Traudl Junge]], Hitler's final personal secretary. * ''Surgite!'' ** Translation: Push on! ** Who: [[w:Isaac Brock|General Sir Isaac Brock]], British Army officer and administrator. *** Note: Said after being shot by American sharpshooters during the [[w:Battle of Queenston Heights|Battle Of Queenston Heights]]. * Tell my mother I died for my country...Useless... useless... ** Who: [[w:John Wilkes Booth|John Wilkes Booth]], American stage actor and assassin of President Abraham Lincoln. *** Note: He said these words as he laid mortally wounded after being shot during a manhunt three hours earlier. * Somewhere completely different. ** Who: [[Victor Borge]], Danish musical comedian and pianist. *** Note: In response to an interview question, promoting a concert, as to where he would be spending the holidays. Borge died shortly after returning home from the concert.<ref>{{YouTube|1th8w106Kok|Final TV interview, DR1, tx, 31 December 2000}}</ref> * كيف تتوقع مني أن أعيش؟ (''Kayf tatawaqa' miniy 'an 'a'ish?'') ** Translation: How do you expect me to make a living? ** Who: [[w:Mohamed Bouazizi|Mohamed Bouazizi]], Tunisian street vendor. *** Note: Bouazizi set himself on fire on 17 December 2010, in response to the confiscation of his wares and the harassment and humiliation that he said was inflicted on him by a municipal official and her aides. At 11:30 AM local time, he shouted these words while standing in the middle of traffic, then doused himself with gasoline and set himself alight with a match. He later died at the Ben Arous Burn and Trauma Centre on 4 January 2011. This act of self-immolation became a catalyst for the [[w:Tunisian Revolution|Tunisian Revolution]], and eventually the wider [[w:Arab Spring|Arab Spring]]. * ''Je vais ou je vas mourir, l'un et l'autre se dit ou se disent.'' ** Translation : I am about to – or I am going to – die: either expression is correct. ** Who: [[w:Dominique Bouhours|Dominique Bouhours]], French grammarian. * He's got several units of Phoenix police on his tail right here and, uh, Jim, stay with him, looks like he's gonna try and take another vehicle here. We'll see if they block him in there. Looks like they've got him blocked in there, but he did get h- ** Who: Scott Bowerbank, pilot for KTVK's Newschopper3 involved in the [[w:Phoenix news helicopter collision|Phoenix mid-air collision]] ** Note: While covering a police chase, Bowerbank's chopper was struck by KNXV-TV's Chopper15. Both choppers crashed to the ground, killing all four occupants on both aircraft. * Music has been my doorway of perception and the house that I live in. ** Who: [[David Bowie]], English rock musician. * I don't feel well. I don't think we should go on. ** Who: [[w:Stephen Boyd|Stephen Boyd]], actor *** Note: Boyd was playing golf with his wife when he suffered a massive heart attack that took his life. * I didn't murder the Hodges family. I've never murdered anybody. I'm going to my death with a clear conscience. I am going to my death having had a great life because of my two great sons, Mike and Doug. ** Who: [[w:Earl Bramblett|Earl Bramblett]] *** Note: Spoken prior to his death in the state of Virginia's electric chair. * But all the same, long live France! ** Who: [[w:Robert Brasillach|Robert Brasillach]], author * No. I have no final statement. ** Who: Lawrence Russell Brewer *** Note: Executed for the murder of [[w:Murder of James Byrd, Jr.|James Byrd, Jr.]] * Sarah I miss and need you. ** Who: [[w:Bobbi Kristina Brown|Bobbi Kristina Brown]], an American reality television and media personality, singer, and actress. *** Note: Last known tweet to her friend Bess Beckmann before she went into a coma and died months later. * C'mon, let's get this day over and done with. ** Who: [[w:Peter Brock|Peter Brock]], Australian motor racing driver. *** Note: Said to a track marshal before being killed instantly when he crashed into a tree at the Targa West rally. Brock's ex-wife believes that this comment showed that he should not have been racing. * I'm going away tonight. ** Who: [[James Brown]], American singer, songwriter, musician, and recording artist. ** Source: Charles Bobbit, Brown's longtime personal manager and friend. *** Note: James Brown uttered his last words minutes before his death, and then he took three, long quiet breaths and closed his eyes. ** His very last words were: "I want you to look after my wife... and little man. I'm on fire. I'm burning up. Burning up.", as quoted in [http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/comment/articles/2013-01/03/james-brown-fortune-lawsuits-death-drugs/viewall Icon: James Brown], ''GQ Magazine'', 3 January 2013. * I, John Brown, am now quite certain that the crimes of this guilty land will never be purged away but with blood. I had, as I now think vainly, flattered myself that without very much bloodshed it might be done. ** Who: [[John Brown (abolitionist)|John Brown]], an American abolitionist. *** Note: These words were not spoken, but written on a note and handed to a guard right before his execution. ** His spoken last words are usually considered to be: This is a beautiful country. * Continuing to move the game forward @KingJames. Much respect my brother 💪🏾 #33644 ** Who: [[Kobe Bryant]], American basketball player *** Note: Those were Bryant's final public words, sent as a Tweet congratulating [[LeBron James]] for surpassing him for third place among the National Basketball Association's all-time leading scorers on January 25, 2020. The following day, Bryant and four other people were killed in a helicopter crash near Los Angeles. * Oh, Lord, God Almighty, as thou wilt! ** Who: [[James Buchanan]], 15th President of the United States. * I'd like you to give my love to my family and friends. ** Who: [[Ted Bundy]], an American serial killer, kidnapper, rapist, and necrophile who assaulted and murdered numerous young women and girls. *** Note: Those were Bundy's last words before being executed in the electric chair. * I'm the problem. ** Who: David A. Burke *** Note: Burke replied to the captain of [[w:Pacific Southwest Airlines Flight 1771|Pacific Southwest Airlines Flight 1771]], who inquired what "the problem" was after Burke fired a gun in the cabin of the plane. Burke shot the pilots and himself, deliberately crashing the flight. * On that subject I am coy. ** Who: [[Aaron Burr]], 3rd Vice President of the United States. *** His last words were a response to the efforts of his friend, Reverend P.J. Van Pelt, to get Burr to state that there was a God. Reported in Holmes Moss Alexander, ''Aaron Burr: The Proud Pretender‎'' (1937), p. 356. * Back in no time. ** Who: [[William S. Burroughs]], American novelist, short story writer, essayist, painter, and spoken word performer. *** Note: Spoken to a friend as he was being loaded into an ambulance after suffering a heart attack; he was comatose upon arrival at the hospital and never regained consciousness. Reported in Barry Miles, ''Call Me Burroughs: A Life'' (2014). * You never know when the last one is. * Happy Birthday @brextonbusch!!! "Your mom & I are so proud of who you’re turning out to be! You’re the best kid on & off the track, you amaze us every day. Keep doing what you’re doing and there is no limit to what you’ll accomplish! Love you buddy! ** Who: [[w:Kyle Busch|Kyle Busch]], American stock car racer. *** The first quote came from interviews following what would be his final races, when Busch had been asked why he appreciated the victories he had achived.<ref>[https://www.whiskeyriff.com/2026/05/21/never-know-when-the-last-one-is-kyle-buschs-interview-after-winning-his-final-nascar-race-hits-hard-following-his-death/ “Never Know When The Last One Is” – Kyle Busch’s Interview After Winning His Final NASCAR Race Hits Hard Following His Death]</ref><ref>[https://www.wcnc.com/article/news/nation-world/kyle-busch-last-race-may-15-trucks-nascar-post-interview/507-d908a8d9-1fb7-418c-b5b0-f27c37126916 'You never know when the last one is': Kyle Busch's last post-race interview resurfaces after his death], May 21, 2026</ref> The second was his final social media post, a birthday wish to his son Brexton, who, like others in the Busch family, was pursuing a racing career.<ref>[https://sports.yahoo.com/articles/kyle-buschs-last-tweet-break-233953362.html Kyle Busch's last tweet will break your heart], May 21, 2026</ref> * I love you, too. ** Who: [[George H. W. Bush]], American politician, 41st president of the United States *** Note: Spoken to his eldest son, [[George W. Bush]], via speakerphone, before his death. * Free Palestine! ** Who: [[w:Self-immolation of Aaron Bushnell|Aaron Bushnell]], American military serviceman *** Note: Said to protest USA's support for Israel during the 2025 Gaza war. * The corruption of the state shall fall. Governor Taft, you will not be re-elected. The rest of you, you know where you can go. ** Who: [[w:John William Byrd, Jr.|John William Byrd, Jr.]] *** Note: Byrd told his family he loved them and that they should keep fighting the death penalty. [http://www.clarkprosecutor.org/html/death/US/byrd760.htm] * Now I shall go to sleep. Goodnight. ** Who: [[Lord Byron]], British poet. * I went the distance. ** Who: [[w:Steve Byrnes|Steve Byrnes]], an American television announcer and producer. *** Note: Final words sent from a tweet. * من قبل رب الكعبة، لقد كنت ناجحة. (''Min qibal rabi alka'bati, laqad kunt najihatan.'') ** Translation: By the Lord of the Ka'bah, I have been successful. ** Who: [[Ali ibn Abi Talib]], cousin and son-in-law of the Islamic prophet Muhammad, ruling over the Islamic caliphate from 656 to 661. *** Note: This was spoken after being hit on the head with a poisoned sword, while leading the Morning Prayer, by Ibn Maljam, a fundamentalist. =C= * Damn, hang on Ronnie! ** Who: James Caddell *** Note: Referring to passenger Ronald Wilmond, after his Cessna L-19 stalled and plummeted into a forest near Tabernash, Colorado, in 1984. The crash site remained undiscovered until 1987, when it was found by backpackers. Footage of the crash had been captured on the Cessna's mounted VHS camcorder, the tape of which was recovered and repaired by a sheriff. The footage, secured by the FAA, was kept from the public at the Caddell family's request and was shown only to flight instructors. After the expiry of the moratorium, the footage became public and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhZy12jVfCw was later uploaded to YouTube]. * ''Nostri coniugii memor vive, ac vale.'' ** Translation: Live mindful of our marriage, and farewell. ** Who: Emperor [[w:Augustus|Augustus Caesar]], founder of the Roman Empire and its first Emperor. *** Note: His last words in public as reported by Suetonius were the more famous "Behold, I found Rome of clay, and leave her to you of marble." Some sources claim that his last words were, "''Acta est fabula, plaudite!''" (The play is over, applaud!), which were said at the end of Roman plays. * Καὶ σύ, τέκνον; (''Kaì sú, téknon?'') ** Translation: You too, my child? ** Who: [[Julius Caesar]] *** Note: ''Et tu, Brute?'' (often translated as "and you, Brutus?") is attributed to him by Shakespeare's famous play; his last words according to claims reported by [[Suetonius]], were ''καὶ σύ, τέκνον;'' (pronounced "Kaì sú, téknon?") which means "You too, my child?" in Greek, though his native tongue was Latin [De Vita Caesarum Liber I Divus Iulius, LXXXII]). Suetonius himself, however, actually discounts these claims, and asserts that Caesar ''said nothing'' as he died, apart from a groan. His definite last words according to Suetonius were instead, "''Ista, quidem vis est!''" (Why, this is violence!). * ''Vivo!'' ** Translation: I live! ** Who: [[Caligula]] (Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus), Roman Emperor, as he was being assassinated by his own soldiers (as reported by Roman historian [[w:Tacitus |Tacitus]]). * I can't see anything. I've got the bows up... I'm going! Uh– ** Who: [[w:Donald Campbell|Donald Campbell]], British speed record breaker who broke eight absolute world speed records. ** Context: Final radio transmission from Bluebird K7 as she lifted from the surface of Conniston Water, flipped bow over stern and smashed to pieces on the lake surface in January 1967. Campbell was attempting to set a new world water speed record exceeding 300mph. His first run was 297mph. The crash occurred on the return run. Had he completed it, it would have been fast enough to set a record exceeding 300mph. * This is not the end of me. ** Who: [[Henry Campbell-Bannerman]], Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. * ''Bei letzter Vernehmung Nase gebrochen. Meine Zeit ist um. War kein Landesverräter. Habe als Deutscher meine Pflicht getan. Sollten Sie weiterleben, grüßen Sie meine Frau.'' **Translation: Nose broken at last interrogation. My time is up. Was not a traitor. Did my duty as a German. If you survive, please give my regards to my wife. ** Who: [[Wilhelm Canaris]], member of the [[w:July 20 plot|July 20 plot]], his last note before execution to the man in the cell next to him. *** Last words also reported as "''Ich sterbe für mein Vaterland, ich habe ein reines Gewissen.''" – "I am dying for my Fatherland. I have a clear conscience." *It's me, it's Buddy... I'm cold. ** Who: [[Truman Capote]], writer. *** Note: 'Buddy' was Capote's aunt's nickname for him. *26th October last year, not 10 meters from where these men are now entombed, you had a 400-tonne rock fall. Why is it, is it the strength of the seam, or the wealth of the seam, that you continue to send men into work in such a dangerous environment? ** Who: [[w:Richard Carleton|Richard Carleton]], reporter for [[w:Nine News|National Nine News]]. *** Note: During a media conference that was held at [[w:Beaconsfield, Tasmania|Beaconsfield, Tasmania]] on 7 May 2006, Richard Carleton asked this question to Matthew Gill (mine manager of the Beaconsfield mine), in light of the [[w:Beaconsfield mine collapse|Beaconsfield mine collapse]]. When Gill declined to answer the question, Carleton walked away and suffered a heart attack; he was pronounced dead on the way to the hospital. *So, this is death. Well! ** Who: [[Thomas Carlyle]], Scottish philosopher, satirical writer, essayist, historian and teacher. * I hope so. ** Who: [[w:Andrew Carnegie|Andrew Carnegie]], steel magnate and philanthropist. *** Note: Spoken to his wife whom had bid him goodnight. * I hope you don't mind if I curse. I still love our fucking record! ** Who: [[w:Karen Carpenter|Karen Carpenter]], drummer and lead singer of the Carpenters *** Note: from one of two phone calls Carpenter made the day before she died. One was to her brother Richard, discussing a new videocassette recorder she had planned on purchasing;<ref name="brother">{{cite magazine|last=Carpenter|first=Richard|date=November 21, 1983|title=A Brother Remembers|url=http://people.com/archive/cover-story-a-brother-remembers-vol-20-no-21/|magazine=People|volume=20|issue=21|archive-url=https://ghostarchive.org/archive/VD93c?url=http://people.com/archive/cover-story-a-brother-remembers-vol-20-no-21/|archive-date=September 24, 2021|access-date=October 5, 2017}}{{cbignore}}</ref> the other, to producer Phil Ramone, discussed Carpenter's unreleased eponymous solo album, which A&M Records had shelved three years prior.<ref>Ramone, Phil. ''Making Records: The Scenes Behind the Music''. Hyperion, 2007, page unknown.</ref> Carpenter collapsed and died shortly after waking up the next day, following several years of battling anorexia nervosa. * Milan: What a beautiful place to die. ** Who: [[w:John Carradine|John Carradine]], an American actor, best known for his roles in horror films, Westerns and Shakespearean theatre. *** Note: He died from multiple organ failure at Fatebenefratelli Hospital in Milan, Italy at age 82. Hours before he was stricken, he had climbed the 328 steep steps of Milan's Gothic cathedral, the Duomo. * ''¡No abandonéis a mis indios!'' ** Translation: Don't abandon my Indians! ** Who: [[w:Felipe Carrillo Puerto|Felipe Carrillo Puerto]], Mexican revolutionary, governor of Yucatán (executed) * Take away these pillows, I won't need them any longer. ** Who: [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]], English author and poet best known as the author of ''Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.'' ** Quoted in [[Stuart Dodgson Collingwood]], ''The Life and Letters of Lewis Carroll'' (1898), pp.347-8 * I just wish I had time for one more bowl of chili. ** Who: [[w:Kit Carson|Kit Carson]], American frontiersman. *** Note: His final words have also been reported as "Adios, compadres." * There are crooks everywhere you look now. The situation is desperate. ** Who: [[w:Daphne Caruana Galizia|Daphne Caruana Galizia]], Maltese journalist. *** Note: Taken from her final blog post, published on the day of her assassination. * I think I'll sleep now. ** Who: [[George Washington Carver]], an American botanist and inventor. * ''Ho vissuto come filosofo, e morto come cristiano.'' ** Translation: I have lived as a philosopher, and die as a Christian. ** Who: [[Giacomo Casanova]], an Italian adventurer and author from the Republic of Venice. * I hear the train a-comin. ** Who: [[Johnny Cash]], American country music singer. * So much wasted time. ** Who: [[w:David Cassidy|David Cassidy]], an American actor and singer known for ''[[The Partridge Family]]''. * I wasn't reaching for it. ** Who: [[w:Killing of Philando Castile|Philando Castile]] *** Note: Castile and his girlfriend were pulled over by two police officers who approached their car. He informed Jeronimo Yanez, one of them, that he had a firearm with him. Yanez told Castille not to pull it out, which both passengers denied he was going to do. Yanez then drew his own gun and fired several times. After being fatally hit, Castille uttered these words shortly before dying.<ref>[https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-38005311 Philando Castile shooting: Police officer faces manslaughter charge]. BBC. Retrieved June 1, 2026.</ref> *''Sculaţi, voi oropsiţi ai vieţii / Voi osândiţi la foame...'' ** Translation: Arise, wretched of the earth / Arise, convicts of hunger... ** Who: [[Nicolae Ceaușescu]], Romanian politician and dictator. *** Note: Immediately before his [[w:Trial and execution of Nicolae and Elena Ceaușescu|execution]], Ceaușescu began singing the Romanian version of [[The Internationale]]. According to Dorin Cârlan, one of the members of the firing squad, he didn't manage to finish the first verse before being killed.<ref>[https://adevarul.ro/stiri-interne/societate/drumul-spre-moarte-masoara-62-de-metri-1350584.html/ Drumul spre moarte măsoară 62 de metri]. ''Adevărul''. Retrieved October 8, 2024.</ref> * We got a bad fire! Let's get out - we're burning up... ** Who: An [[w:Apollo 1|Apollo 1]] astronaut, probably [[w:Roger Chaffee|Roger Chaffee]]. All three crew members perished in a launchpad fire, 1967. * ''Vous voyez, c'est comme ça que vous mourez.'' ** Translation: You see, this is how you die. ** Who: [[Coco Chanel]], French fashion designer of women's clothes and founder of the [[w:Chanel|Chanel]] brand. * Approaching dissolution brings relief. ** Who: [[Neville Chamberlain]], British prime minister. * Hello. ** Who: [[w:Graham Chapman|Graham Chapman]], comedian of [[Monty Python]] fame. *** Note: Spoken to his adopted son who had just arrived at the hospital. * Tell [Carl] Mays I'm okay. ** Who: Cleveland Indians' baseball player [[w:Ray Chapman|Ray Chapman]]. *** Note: Chapman had been accidentally hit in the head by a pitch from Carl Mays, and died from complications of a skull fracture (1920). This was thirty-two years before batting helmets were first worn (Pittsburgh Pirates, 1952), and fifty years before Major League Baseball had made them mandatory (1970). To this day, Chapman is the only Major League Baseball player ever to die as a direct result of injuries sustained during a game. * ''In thine hendi, bevelhi ik minin geist.'' ** Translation: Into Thy hands, I commend my spirit. ** Who: [[Charlemagne]] * I go from a corruptible to an incorruptible Crown, where no disturbance can be, no disturbance in the world. Remember! ** Who: [[Charles I of England|Charles I]], King of England, on the executioner's block, 30 January 1649. * You must pardon me, gentlemen, for being a most unconscionable time a-dying. ** Who: [[Charles II of England|Charles II]], son of the above, 1685. * ''Quel meurtre! Quel sang! J'ai mal agi... Dieu, pardonne-moi!'' ** Translation: What murder! What bloodshed! I have done wrong... Oh God, forgive me. ** Who: [[w:Charles IX of France|Charles IX of France]] *** Note: Referring to his massively violent suppression of the [[w:Huguenots|Huguenot Protestants]] during his reign. * ''Var inte rädd!'' ** Translation: Do not be afraid! ** Who: [[w:Charles XII of Sweden|Charles XII of Sweden]]. * ''Ay Jesus.'' ** Who: [[Charles V]], Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire and King of Spain , d. 1558. * Why not? After all, it belongs to him. ** Who: Comedian [[Charlie Chaplin]], d. 1977, said this after a priest was reading him his last rites and said "May the lord have mercy on your soul". * ''Yo no quiero morir, por favor no me dejen morir.'' ** Translation: I don't want to die. Please don't let me die. ** Who: [[Hugo Chávez]], President of Venezuela. *** Note: Due to a severe respiratory infection, he was unable to speak for several days before his death. According to Venezuelan general Jose Ornella, he mouthed these words before suffering a massive heart attack and dying. * У меня не было шампанского в течение долгого времени. (''U menya ne bylo shampanskogo v techeniye dolgogo vremeni.'') ** Translation: I haven't had champagne for a long time. ** Who: [[Anton Chekhov]], playwright, 1904. *** Note: His doctor had given him champagne after all other attempts to ease the symptoms of death from tuberculosis failed. * Take a step forward lads - it'll be easier that way. ** Who: [[w:Robert Erskine Childers|Robert Erskine Childers]], last words, to his firing squad, Irish Civil War, 1922. * ''Gdy ten kaszel mnie udusi, błagam Was, otwórzcie moje ciało, abym nie został pogrzebany żywcem.'' ** Translation: As this cough will suffocate me, I implore you to have my body opened so that I will not be buried alive. * ''Nigdy więcej.'' ** Translation: Not any more. * ''Zagraj w Mozarta na moją pamiątkę, a ja cię usłyszę.'' ** Translation: Play Mozart in memory of me—and I will hear you. ** Who: [[Frederic Chopin]], Polish composer and pianist. *** Note: He had a neurotic fear of being buried alive. ** The first quote was written on a note some hours before his death of tuberculosis. ** The second quote was spoken to his physician when asked if he was suffering greatly; he died about two hours later. ** The third quote is what Chopin reportedly murmured on his death-bed (''The opera reader'', Biancolli, 1953, p. 271). * In keeping with the WXLT practice of presenting the most immediate and complete reports of local blood and guts news, TV-40 presents what is believed to be a television first: in living color, exclusive coverage of an attempted suicide. ** Who: [[Christine Chubbuck]], 30-year-old anchorwoman who, on July 15, 1974, during technical difficulties during a broadcast on [[w:WWSB|WXLT-TV]] in [[w:Sarasota, Florida|Sarasota, Florida]], said these words on-air before producing a revolver and shooting herself in the head (While she drew the gun on camera, the technicians quickly cut the video feed, but the gunshot could be clearly heard). She was pronounced dead in hospital fourteen hours later. Reported in Kristine Bertini, ''Understanding and Preventing Suicide: The Development of Self-Destructive Patterns and Ways to Alter Them'' (2009), p. 134 (under the mistaken surname, Hubbock). *** Note: This quote is taken from the transcript of the tape obtained by the [https://archive.org/details/sixty90_protonmail_CC/page/n17/mode/2up Sarasota County Sheriff's Department.] Though its legitimacy is unconfirmed, audio featuring an uncanny resemblance of Chubbuck's voice reading the transcript was [https://archive.org/details/audio-of-christine-chubbucks-suncoast-digest-07-15-1974 leaked online in April of 2021.] * I'm so bored with it all. ** Who: [[Winston Churchill]], a British statesman who was the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom *** Note: This was spoken before slipping into a coma and dying nine days later. * ''Nihil propriis quid facis, latro, autem non tentant recte ut interficias me.'' ** Translation: There is nothing proper about what you are doing, you thug, but do try to kill me properly. ** Who: [[Cicero]], Roman statesman and orator. *** Note: These words are directed at Herennius, his assassin by order of Marc Antony, triumvir and co-ruler of Rome. Herennius was a centurion. * So remember, just when you think all the sounds of dogs barking, people mowing their lawns and children screaming are driving you mad, they may just be keeping you sane! ** Who: [[Dick Clark]], American radio and television personality. *** Note: From a blog post nine days before his death. While not his last spoken words (Clark had difficulty speaking due to a stroke he experienced seven years prior), they were the last words he made to the public.[https://web.archive.org/web/20120422000616/http://dickclarkonline.com/Dick-Clark-Blog--inside-page-/4313937] *Thomas, I am dying. Telegraph Mr. Harrison. ** Who: [[w:Henry Clay|Henry Clay]], an American lawyer and planter, politician, and skilled orator. *** Note: Spoken to his son. Mr. Harrison appears to be J.O. Harrison, Clay's executor. (Source: "The Century Magazine", vol. 33). * Τόσο εδώ! (''Tóso edó!'') ** Translation: So here it is! ** Who: [[w:Cleopatra|Cleopatra VII Philopator]], the last active pharaoh of Ptolemaic Egypt. *** Note: "It" was the small asp which she allowed to bite her. ** Historians dispute the cause of her death. Many believe it was not an asp that she used to commit suicide, but rather some makeshift poison. (Source: Stacy Schiff's ''Cleopatra: A Life'') * I have tried so hard to do right. ** Who: [[Grover Cleveland]], 22nd and 24th President of the United States. * Absolutely not! ** Who: [[w:Montgomery Clift|Montgomery Clift]], actor. *** Note: His private nurse, Lorenzo James, asked him if he wanted to watch the movie ''[[w:The Misfits (film)|The Misfits]]'' (in which he appeared) on TV. * Thank God. I'm tired of being the funniest person in the room. ** Who: [[w:Del Close|Del Close]], improviser, teacher and comedian, d. 1999. * I love you, mama. You're the best. I'll see you in the morning. ** Who: [[w:Angus Cloud|Angus Cloud]], American actor. *** Note: Said to his mother before she went to sleep. The following morning, she found him dead from an accidental drug overdose.<ref>[https://people.com/euphoria-angus-cloud-mom-loved-ones-share-final-days-addiction-struggles-exclusive-7973158/ 'Euphoria' Star Angus Cloud's Mom and Loved Ones Share His Addiction Struggles and Final Days (Exclusive)]. ''People''. Retrieved October 7, 2024.</ref> * ...it's better to burn out than to fade away. ** Who: [[Kurt Cobain]], an American musician who was best known as the lead singer, guitarist, and primary songwriter for [[w:Nirvana (band)|Nirvana]] *** Note: Cobain was quoting [[Neil Young]] lyrics when he wrote this line in his suicide note.&nbsp; The full context of the note is available [http://kurtcobainssuicidenote.com/kurt_cobains_suicide_note_scan.html online]. * ''Depuis le jour de ma naissance, ma mort a commencé sa marche. Il marche vers moi, sans se presser.'' ** Translation: Since the day of my birth, my death began its walk. It is walking towards me, without hurrying. ** Who: [[Jean Cocteau]], French writer, designer, playwright, artist and filmmaker. * I love you all. ** Who: [[w:Natalie Cole|Natalie Cole]], an American singer-songwriter, and actress. *** Note: Spoken to her younger twin sisters. * I love you and my head hurts. ** Who: [[w:Gary Coleman|Gary Coleman]], an American actor, voice artist, and comedian. * Five Zulu Alpha just had a midair. Both planes are going down in the, ah, one mile to the, ah, two miles to the west of the power plant ** Who: [[w:Bob Collins (broadcaster)|Bob Collins]], Chicago Morning DJ. *** Note: On 8 February 2000, Collins was piloting a light aircraft into Waukegan, Illinois when his aircraft suffered a mid-air collision with another aircraft due to pilot error by Collins. Collins reported the mid-air collision before the aircraft crashed, killing both him and his passenger. The other aircraft also crashed, killing the pilot aboard. * Can you get a shot of this gun? ** Who: [[w:Harry Collinson|Harry Collinson]], Chief Planning Officer for Derwentside District Council. *** Note: On 20 June 1991, Collinson was supervising the demolition of a bungalow that had been built by Albert Dryden without planning permission. After a BBC camera crew arrived, Dryden produced an unlicensed pistol, and Collinson invited the crew to focus on it. Several seconds later, Dryden opened fire, killing Collinson and injuring BBC reporter Tony Belmont and PC Stephen Campbell; the Council's solicitor, Mike Newell, was shot at four times but not injured. Dryden was subsequently arrested after a stand-off and was found guilty by a jury of murder and three counts of attempted murder, being sentenced to life imprisonment with a tariff of 13 years. * Heaven has turned against me. No wise ruler arises, and no one in the Empire wishes to make me his teacher. The hour of my death has come. ** Who: [[Confucius]], Chinese philosopher and politician * Lady, you shot me! ** Who: [[Sam Cooke]], lethally wounded after being shot at the Hacienda Motel (now the Star motel). * Good morning, Robert. ** Who: [[Calvin Coolidge]], 30th President of the United States, to a carpenter working on his home. ** Coolidge is also said to have been quoted near his death: "I feel I no longer fit in with these times." Coolidge, a staunch fiscal conservative and small-government federalist, was at odds with incoming President [[Franklin Delano Roosevelt]], whose New Deal marked a major expansion of the federal budget. * ''Meine Mutter, meine gute einzige Mutter und mein kleines Hänschen, all meine Liebe ist ständig um Euch. Bleibt tapfer, wie ich es auch sein will.'' ** Translation: My mother, my dear, only mother and my little Hänschen, all my love surrounds you constantly. Stay brave, just as I aspire to be. ** Who: [[w:Hilde Coppi|Hilde Coppi]], German [[w:German resistance to Nazism|resistance fighter against the Nazi regime]] and member of the [[w:Red Orchestra (espionage)|Red Orchestra]]. *** Note: Last lines Coppi wrote in a farewell letter to her mother shortly before her execution at [[w:Plötzensee prison|Plötzensee prison]]. ''Hänschen'' refers to her son Hans, born during her imprisonment.<ref>[https://www.bundesarchiv.de/themen-entdecken/online-entdecken/dokumente-zur-zeitgeschichte/abschiedsbrief-hilde-coppis/ „Immer deine Tochter Hilde“ – Abschiedsbrief der Widerstandskämpferin Hilde Coppi]. ''Bundesarchiv''. Retrieved November 27, 2025.</ref> * I am guilty. My sentence is just: I deserve my fate. And may God have mercy on my soul. ** Who: [[w:Red Barn Murder|William Corder]], moments before he was hanged on August 11, 1828, for the murder of Maria Marten at the Red Barn. * More weight. * I curse you Corwin and all of Salem! ** Who: [[w:Giles Corey|Giles Corey]], while being crushed during the Salem witch trials because he would not answer the court. *** Note: The first line was said while being crushed during the Salem Witch Trials for refusing to answer the court. After long hours of pain, Corey then uttered the second quote and died. * I don't know how long I can take this. ** Who: [[w:Don Cornelius|Don Cornelius]], host of ''Soul Train'' *** Note: Before his suicide.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.tmz.com/2012/04/24/don-cornelius-autopsy-report-gunshot/|title=Don Cornelius Autopsy Report - 'I Don't Know How Long I Can Take This'|website=TMZ|date=April 24, 2012|access-date=January 8, 2018}}</ref> * I love you. * I'm just tired. ** Who: [[Chris Cornell]], an American musician and lead singer of Soundgarden and Audioslave. *** Note: The first line was the last thing Cornell said to his fans after performing his last song with Soundgarden at a concert. Within 60 minutes later, he was on the phone with his wife, slurring his words and repeatedly saying the second line before hanging up. He hanged himself shortly after. *Hello. We're looking in... we're overlooking the Financial Center. Three of us. Two broken windows. OH, GOD! OH- ** Who: [[w:Kevin Cosgrove|Kevin Cosgrove]], a victim of the [[September 11 attacks]]. He was connected to a 9-1-1 dispatcher, and he said the above phrase when the South Tower collapsed after it had been hit by one of the airplanes used in the attacks. * That was the best ice-cream soda I ever tasted. * I think I'll be more comfortable. ** Who: [[w:Lou Costello|Lou Costello]], American actor and comedian. *** Note: Reports vary as to whether his last words were the former to visitors upon finishing an ice-cream soda, or the latter to his nurse after asking to be moved onto his side. *Goodnight, my darlings, I'll see you tomorrow. ** Who: [[Noel Coward]], playwright. Died of natural causes. * No, my pain is too much, Fazila. * I can't make it, I'm in too much pain. ** Who: [[Jo Cox]], British Labour Party politician *** Note: Either one was spoken to her assistant, Fazila Aswat, after she tried to encourage Cox to stand after an attack. She later died of her injuries. *It don't matter; I figure I licked the Rock anyway. ** Who: [[w:Bernard Coy|Bernard Coy]], convicted criminal, shot while trying to escape Alcatraz prison (known as "The Rock") * Goodbye, everybody. ** Who: [[Hart Crane]], spoken as he took his own life by jumping from a cruise ship. Reported in Kristine Bertini, ''Understanding and Preventing Suicide: The Development of Self-Destructive Patterns and Ways to Alter Them'' (2009), p. 134. * Dammit, don't you dare ask God to help me! ** Who: [[w:Joan Crawford|Joan Crawford]]. *** Note: This comment was directed towards her housekeeper who began to pray aloud. * That was a great game of golf, fellas. Let's get a Coke. ** Who: [[w:Bing Crosby|Bing Crosby]], American singer and actor. *** Note: He was playing the whole 18 holes of golf, even when his doctor said to only do nine. Twenty minutes after the game, he suffered a fatal heart attack when heading back to the clubhouse. * What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset. ** Who: [[Crowfoot]], chief of the Siksika First Nation. * I am confound. * (also quoted as I am perplexed.) ** Who: [[Aleister Crowley]]. British occultist, mystic, poet, mountain climber. ** This is open to debate, because some sources report Crowley dying alone, and others claim that he said Sometimes I hate myself. [http://www.popsubculture.com/pop/bio_project/aleister_crowley.html] [http://paranormalstories.blogspot.com/2007/06/aleister-crowley-part-ii.html] * You sons of bitches, give my love to Mother! ** Who: [[w:Francis Crowley|Francis "Two Gun" Crowley]], an American murderer and career criminal. * It's not real. ** Who: [[w:Shooting of John Crawford III|John Crawford III]] ** Note: Spoken regarding a toy gun he was holding, in the toy section of a Wal-Mart in Beavercreek, Ohio. * ''Je ne le veux pas.'' ** Translation: I don't want it. ** Who: [[w:Marie Curie|Marie Curie]], Polish and naturalized-French physicist and chemist. *** Note: She had been offered an injection to ease her pain. * At this moment in time I really can't go on. I just wish I were dead. ** Who: [[w:Ian Curtis|Ian Curtis]] *** Note: This is the entirety of the suicide note Curtis, the lead singer of [[w:Joy Division|Joy Division]], left before he hanged himself in his home on 18 May 1980, two days before the band was to go on its first American tour. The other members reformed as [[w:New Order (band)|New Order]]. * Hurrah Boys! Let's get these last few reds then head on back to camp. Hurrah! [''Attributed''] * We've caught them napping! [''Attributed''] ** Who: [[w:George Armstrong Custer|George Armstrong Custer]], a United States Army officer and cavalry commander in the American Civil War and, later, the Indian Wars. He said these words before the Battle of Little Bighorn, at which he and all the troops under his command were killed by a numerically superior Sioux force. * I killed the President because he was the enemy of the good people, the good working people. I am not sorry for my crime. [''Through clenched teeth'']: I am sorry I could not see my father. ** Who: [[w:Leon Frank Czolgosz|Leon Czolgosz]], American anarchist and assassin of President William McKinley. *** Note: He said the second line as he was being strapped on the electric chair. =D= * Remember, my brain goes to Boston. Straight to Boston. ** Who: [[w:Daffney|Daffney]], professional wrestler and actress. *** Note: Said in a live video on Instagram, reading a suicide note while holding what appeared to be a pistol, referring to the chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) testing center on the campus of Boston University. The following day, Daffney's death was announced; an investigation determined she had shot herself in the chest. * You know, I'm not frightened. It's just that I'll miss you all so much... Ow, fuck! ** Who: [[Roald Dahl]], Welsh novelist, short story writer, poet, screenwriter, and fighter pilot. *** Note: First line said to his family. He then appeared to have lost consciousness, and the nurse decided to inject him with a lethal dose of morphine to ease his passing. After she did, Dahl said the second line right before dying. * I don't care if I live or die. Go ahead and kill me. ** Who: [[Jeffrey Dahmer]], serial killer. *** Note: According to fellow prisoner [[Christopher Scarver]], who admitted to beating Dahmer to death with a "preacher bar" (part of a weight machine), these were his last words. * ''{{lang|ca|On és el meu rellotge?}}'' ** Translation: Where is my clock? ** Who: [[Salvador Dalí]], a prominent Spanish surrealist painter * Billie and Georgia, you are my heart. You are my everything. Good night. I love you. Those are my last words. ** Who: [[w:Eric Dane|Eric Dane]], American actor. *** Note: Spoken on the TV series ''[[w:Famous Last Words (TV series)|Famous Last Words]]'' which features interviews with famous people that are published posthumously. At the end of the interview, Dane was left alone with the camera and delivered a farewell message to his daughters.<ref>[https://people.com/eric-dane-recorded-his-last-words-daughters-months-before-his-death-11910514 Eric Dane Quietly Recorded His 'Last Words' for His 2 Teenage Daughters Before His Death: 'You Are My Everything. Good Night']. People. Retrieved February 21, 2026.</ref> * If all goes well, about a week. If not, about an hour and a half. ** Who: [[Rodney Dangerfield]], American comedian. *** In response to how long he would be hospitalized. * One last drink, please. ** Who: [[w:Jack Daniel|Jack Daniel]], an American distiller and businessman, the founder of the Jack Daniel's Tennessee whiskey distillery. * ''Mon seul regret est que je parte devant ce rat, Robespierre! N'oublie pas de montrer ma tête aux gens; ça vaut le coup d'être vu.'' ** Translation: My only regret is that I'm going before that rat, Robespierre! ''[to his executioner]'' Don't forget to show my head to the people; it's well worth seeing. ** Who: [[Georges Danton]], a leading figure in the early stages of the French Revolution and the first President of the Committee of Public Safety. The last line is a humorous comment on his famous ugliness. * I am not the least afraid to die. ** Who: [[Charles Darwin]], an English naturalist and geologist, best known for his contributions to evolutionary theory. * ואיש יגע בהם ימלא ברזל ועץ חנית ובאש שרוף ישרפו בשבת (''Ve'ish yigga bahem, yimmalei varzel ve'etz chanit; uva'esh sarof yissarefu bashavet'') ** Translation: But the man who touches them (the worthless) must be armed with iron, and the shaft of a spear, and with fire they shall be utterly burned in their place! ** Who: [[w:David|David]], third king of the [[w:United Monarchy|United Monarchy of Israel]] * Well, first of all I'd like to address the MacPhail family. I'd like to let you all know, despite the situation -- I know all of you are still convinced that I'm the person that killed your father, your son and your brother, but I am innocent. The incident that happened that night was not my fault. I did not have a gun that night. I did not shoot your family member. But I am so sorry for your loss. I really am -- sincerely. All I can ask is that each of you look deeper into this case, so that you really will finally see the truth. I ask my family and friends that you all continue to pray, that you all continue to forgive. Continue to fight this fight. For those about to take my life, may God have mercy on all of your souls. God bless you all. ** Who: [[w:Troy Davis|Troy Anthony Davis]], high-profile death row inmate. *** Notes: Davis was executed by lethal injection in Georgia on September 21, 2011 for the murder of Officer Mark Allen MacPhail, despite serious doubts about his guilt that lingered on prior to his death.[http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/07/troy-davis-execution-last-words_n_1000648.html] *It's good to be king. Wait, maybe. I think maybe I'm just like a little bizarre little person who walks back and forth. Whatever, you know. ** Who: [[w:Terry A. Davis|Terry A. Davis]], programmer, creator of [[w:TempleOS|TempleOS]]. *** Note: Words were spoken on his last video before being struck and killed by a Union Pacific train. * What will be left of me when I'm dead? There was nothing when I lived / What you found was eternal death, no one will ever miss you. ** Who: [[Dead (musician)|Dead]], Swedish musician. *** Note: These ending lyrics of a song titled ''Life Eternal'' were the last words of the [[w:suicide note|suicide note]] Dead left in the house in the woods he lived in. Shortly thereafter, he fatally shot himself in the head. His band [[w:Mayhem (band)|Mayhem]], who he told in the same suicide note to do "whatever they want" with the full lyrics, later recorded the track and included it on their debut album ''[[w:De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas|De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas]]''.<ref>{{cite book | url=https://books.google.de/books?id=SO4euAAACAAJ&dq=9789150113341&hl=en&sa=X&ei=u0syUbHvIqPkywH4v4CAAQ&redir_esc=y | isbn=978-9-1501-1334-1 | title=Blod, eld, död: en svensk metalhistoria | date=2011 | publisher=Alfabeta|page=101 }}</ref> * That guy's got to stop... He'll see us. ** Who: [[w:James Dean|James Dean]], American actor. *** Note: Words said before dying in a car accident. * Miss, I got what I really went for. ** Who: [[w:Jeremy Wade Delle|Jeremy Wade Delle]] *** Note: After this troubled teenager left his Texas classroom under the pretenses of obtaining a late pass, he returned with a gun, uttered these words, and committed suicide in front of his classmates. The incident was later immortalized in the Pearl Jam song [[w:Jeremy (song)|"Jeremy."]] * ''[[w:Demetris Christofias|Hıristofyaaas]]!!! Burası bağımsız bir cumhuriyettir!!!'' ** Translation: [[w:Demetris Christofias|Christofiaaass]]!! Here is an independent republic!!! *** Who: [[w:Rauf Denktaş|Rauf Denktaş]], founder of the [[w:Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus|Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus]] * Do you have it now? ** Who: [[w:John Denver|John Denver]] *** Note: Spoken via cockpit radio after transmitting a four digit code. On October 12, 1997, Denver was killed when his Experimental [[w:Rutan Long-EZ|Rutan Long-EZ]] plane crashed into the Pacific Ocean near Pacific Grove, California. *On the ground! ** Who: [[Charles Dickens]] *** Note: He suffered a stroke on a walk near his home, and asked to be laid down on the ground. * ''Mais comment le diable pensez-vous que cela pourrait me faire du mal?'' ** Translation: But how the devil do you think this could harm me? ** Who: [[Denis Diderot]], French encyclopedist, upon being warned by his wife not to eat too much. * Little Cousins, Called back. ** Who: [[Emily Dickinson]]. Letter to Louise and Frances Norcross, May 1886. ** Source: Johnson, Thomas H., ed. ''Emily Dickinson Selected Letters.'' Cambridge: Belknap, 1971. * I'm going to heaven. ** Who: [[w:Bo Diddley|Bo Diddley]] as he lay dying on his deathbed with his family surrounding him. * Damn! ** Who: James Dillard, First Officer on [[w:American Airlines Flight 191|American Airlines Flight 191]] *** Note: During Flight 191's take-off, the engine separated. Prior to the black box failing, Dillard was heard saying these words. Shortly afterward, the plane crashed into the ground, killing all onboard including Dillard. *You got me. ** Who: [[w:John Dillinger|John Dillinger]], infamous American bank robber. ** This may be an apocryphal quote. Dillinger died when a bullet passed through his brain, leaving him little opportunity for final speeches. *I'll finally get to see Marilyn. ** Who: [[Joe DiMaggio]], talking about his former wife, [[Marilyn Monroe]]. * ישוע אתדכריני מריא מא דאתא אנת במלכותכן (''Yeshu eitdakrain marya ma dathei ant b'malkutach'') ** Translation: Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom ** Who: Saint Dimas, a.k.a. the [[w:Penitent thief|penitent thief]] * Shit! Shit! Stop! No! ** Who: [[w:Murder of Kyle Dinkheller|Kyle Dinkheller]], deputy of the Laurens County Sheriff's Office, Georgia *** Note: Said while being shot by Andrew Howard Brannan, whom he had pulled over for speeding. The enraged Brannan argued with Dinkheller and then began shooting him with an Iver Johnson M1 Carbine. Brannan fatally shot Dinkheller in the eye shortly after. The incident was caught on Dinkheller's dashcam and continues to be used to train law enforcement officers when confrontations become dangerous. * Go, go. I'll be fine. ** Who: [[w:Ronnie James Dio|Ronnie James Dio]], heavy metal singer. *** Note: Spoken to his wife while he was in the hospital with stomach cancer, but she stayed with him. A few days later he went into a coma and he was dead by the end of the week. * Kurt Russell. ** Who: [[Walt Disney]] *** Note: Scrawled on a piece of paper. To this day, nobody knows what he meant by it, not even Kurt Russell, who was 15 at the time. * Иоанн же удерживал Его и говорил: мне надобно креститься pour Тебя, и Ты ли приходишь ко мне? Но Иисус сказал ему в ответ: оставь теперь, ибо так надлежит нам исполнить всякую правду. Услышьте это сейчас, позвольте! Не сдерживай меня! (''Ioann zhe uderzhival Yego i govoril: mne nadobno krestit'sya pour Tebya, i Ty li prikhodish' ko mne? No Iisus skazal yemu v otvet: ostav' teper', ibo tak nadlezhit nam ispolnit' vsyakuyu pravdu. Uslysh'te eto seychas, pozvol'te! Ne sderzhivay menya!'') ** Translation: But John forbad him, saying, I have need to be baptised of thee, and comest thou to me? And Jesus answering said unto him, Suffer it to be so now: for thus it becometh us to fulfil all righteousness. Hear now—permit it. Do not restrain me! ** Who: [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky]]. The majority of the quote is the verses Matthew 3:14-15. * Mike Bloomberg can get it done. ** Who: [[Kirk Douglas]]. *Hit the water, hit the water, hit the water! ** Who: [[w:Jane Dornacker|Jane Dornacker]] as she was giving a traffic report for radio station WNBC via helicopter. The helicopter stalled and plummeted into the Hudson River while Jane was still on the air, unintentionally broadcasting her final moments all across the metropolitan New York City area. The helicopter's other occupant was seriously injured, but survived. * Shakespeare, I come! ** Who: [[Theodore Dreiser]]. * I don't know why Marta Glass wasn't allowed in here. I love you all. Keep the faith. Remember the death penalty is murder. They are taking the life of an innocent man. My attorney, Ron Kuley, will read my letter at a press conference after this is over. That is all I have to say. I love you all. ** Who: Robert Drew, d. August 2, 1994. *** Note: Executed by injection, Texas. * ''Rufe doch den Doktor!'' ** Translation: Call the doctor! ** Who: [[w:Annette von Droste-Hülshoff|Annette von Droste-Hülshoff]], German writer and composer. *** Note: According to a letter that von Droste-Hülshoff's sister Jenny sent to her aunts, Annette had been suffering from [[w:hemoptysis|hemoptysis]] in the last weeks of her life which seemingly improved one day. After eating lunch, she complained of severe hemoptysis and asked her niece Hildegard to call her personal doctor. By the time he arrived in her room shortly thereafter, von Droste-Hülshoff had already passed away.<ref>[https://www.nach100jahren.de/der-letzte-brief/ Der letzte Brief]. ''Nach 100 Jahren''. Retrieved October 31, 2025.</ref> * ''Tu vas me faire mal, s'il te plaît, ne me fais pas de mal, juste une minute de plus, je t'en supplie!'' ** Translation: You are going to hurt me, please don't hurt me, just one more moment, I beg you! ** Who: [[w:Madame du Barry|Madame du Barry]] * Do you hear the rain? Do you hear the rain? ** Who: [[w:Jessica Dubroff|Jessica Dubroff]], seven-year-old pilot speaking to her mother by telephone as the engines revved for takeoff, she (and her flight instructor) crashed minutes later in rough weather, April 11, 1996. * ''Adieu, mes amis, Je vais à la gloire!'' ** Translation: Farewell my friends, I go to glory! ** Who: [[w:Isadora Duncan|Isadora Duncan]] *** Note: Said before she got in her car to go home. Her scarf got caught around the wheel and strangled her instantly as the driver took off. * Stopping for a beer, be there when I can. ** Who: [[w:Ryan Dunn|Ryan Dunn]] *** Note: Final text sent to ''Jackass'' co-worker Bam Margera, before getting involved in a car crash that would claim his life. * Don't, don't, don't! This... this will hurt someone! Do not... ** Who: [[w:R. Budd Dwyer|R. Budd Dwyer]], Treasurer of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, before he placed the barrel of a .357 Magnum revolver into his mouth and pulled the trigger in front of TV news cameras that were videotaping what was originally presumed to be a press conference (Dwyer had been found guilty of accepting bribes, and professed his innocence to the literal last moments of his life. The press conference was held on what was to be the day before his sentencing). William Smith (the witness whose testimony was critical to Dwyer's conviction) said he lied under oath to get a lighter sentence. =E= * We are running on line north and south. ** Who: [[w:Amelia Earhart|Amelia Earhart]] *** Note: Earhart famously disappeared on a flight over the Pacific. The above is the last confirmed radio transmission to her headquarters before vanishing. * Okay, just wondering. ** Who: [[w:Dale Earnhardt|Dale Earnhardt]], 7 time NASCAR Champion *** Note: Radioed to Andy Pilgrim while driving caution laps with 21 laps to go in the Daytona 500, waiting for the last start in the race that took his life. ** The rest of the conversation was as follows: Earnhardt- "So, you got any advice for me here coming up?"; Pilgrim- "No, man, I haven't got any advice for you, just keep doing what you're doing."; Earnhardt-"Okay, just wondering"; Pilgrim- "Cheers, talk to you later." http://www.aolnews.com/2011/02/10/ten-years-after-sharing-final-moments-and-a-drivers-seat-with/. * ''[to his wife]'' Suppose, suppose. ** Who: [[Wyatt Earp]], American Old West gambler, a deputy sheriff in Pima County, and deputy town marshal in Tombstone, Arizona Territory, who took part in the Gunfight at the O.K. Corral * My work is done. Why wait? ** Who: [[w:George Eastman|George Eastman]] *** Note: Written in his suicide letter. * So on this day of reflection I say again, thank you for going on this journey with me. I'll see you at the movies. ** Who: [[w:Roger Ebert|Roger Ebert]] *** Note: Final paragraph of his last public blog post, written two days before his passing. * It's very beautiful over there. ** Who: [[Thomas Edison]] *** Note: Spoken to his wife as he lapsed in and out of consciousness. There is debate over if he meant the afterlife, or the view from his window. * ''In einem kurzen Weilchen, meine Herren, sehen wir uns ohnehin alle wieder. Das ist das Los aller Menschen. Es lebe Deutschland. Es lebe Argentinien. Es lebe Österreich. [...] Ich werde sie nicht vergessen.'' ** Translation: In a short while, gentlemen, we'll meet each other, anyway. That's every human's fortune. Long live Germany! Long live Argentina! Long live Austria! [...] I won't forget them. ** Who: [[Adolf Eichmann]] *** Note: Before his execution on June 1, 1962 in Jerusalem. * ''Citater fra...'' ** Who: [[Albert Einstein]] *** Note: When Einstein died on April 18, 1955 he left a piece of writing ending in an unfinished sentence. * Yeah, how come? ** Who: [[w:Harry Einstein|Harry "Parkyakarkus" Einstein]], dialect comic and character actor ** In response to a quip, made by Milton Berle during a Friars Club roast,asking why he did not have a regular television gig at the time. Einstein slumped over into his chair and died immediately after his response.<ref name=parkyakarkus_obit>{{cite news|url=https://news.google.com/newspapers?id=cCxQAAAAIBAJ&sjid=HVYDAAAAIBAJ&pg=6968,2437293&dq=milton+berle+son&hl=en|title=Parky Einstein Succumbs After Pocketknife Surgery|date=25 November 1958|publisher=The Victoria Advocate|accessdate=23 January 2011}}</ref> * I've always loved my wife, my children, and my grandchildren, and I've always loved my country. I want to go. God, take me. ** Who: [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], 34th President of the United States. * Valerie. ** Who: [[T. S. Eliot]] *** Note: Valerie was the name of his wife at the time of his death. * ?מה־היה הדבר בני (''Meh-hayah haddavar beni?'') ** Translation: What happened there, my son? ** Who: [[w:Eli (biblical figure)|Eli]] *** Note: A soldier fleeing from a battle found his way to Eli, who then asked what had happened. When the soldier told Eli the Ark of the Covenant had been captured by the Philistines, Eli fell backwards out of his chair and broke his neck. * ''Was ist mit mir geschehen?'' ** Translation: What has happened to me? ** Who: [[w:Elisabeth of Bavaria|Elisabeth, Empress of Austria]], stabbed to death on September 10, 1898. * All my possessions for a moment of time. ** Who: [[Elizabeth I of England|Elizabeth I, Queen of England]], d. 1603. * Are you all right? ** Who: [[w:Belinda Emmett|Belinda Emmett]], Australian actress. *** Note: Spoken to her sister, Lesley Arthur. * Hurrah for anarchy! This is the happiest moment of my life. ** Who: [[w:George Engel|George Engel]], anarchist, union activist *** Note: Shouted before his execution at the gallows. *Now why did I do that? ** Who: [[w:Sir William Erskine, 2nd Baronet|General William Erskine]] *** Note: Said after he jumped from a window in Lisbon, Portugal in 1813. * ''Ich sterbe.'' ** Translation: I die. ** Who: [[w:Leonhard Euler|Leonhard Euler]], Swiss mathematician and physicist. *Fuck off. ** Who: Tony "Spaghetti" Eustace, Australian mobster. *** Eustace was found by two schoolchildren who were returning home from sports training on 23 April 1985. He had been shot six times in the back outside the Airport Hilton in North Arncliffe and was lying beside his gold Mercedes, bleeding profusely. He was rushed to hospital. Police attempted to speak to him, but Eustace only said those words, and died a short time later. =F= * I've never felt better. ** Who: [[w:Douglas Fairbanks, Sr.|Douglas Fairbanks, Sr.]], actor, d. December 12, 1939 * We've reached one of our phase lines after the fire fight and it smells bad – meaning it's a little bit suspicious...Could be an amb– ** Who: [[w:Bernard B. Fall|Bernard B. Fall]], prominent war correspondent, historian, political scientist, and expert on Indochina during the 1950s and 1960s. *** Notes: Dictated into his tape recorder before stepping on a landmine in Vietnam * [''Being asked: "Have you ever pondered by yourself what will be your occupation in the next world?".'']<br>I shall be with Christ, and that is enough. ** Who: [[Michael Faraday]], English chemist and physicist who contributed to the fields of electromagnetism and electrochemistry. * [Death is like] going somewhere I've never been before, like Finland or Estonia. ** Who: [[w:Barry Farber|Barry Farber]], radio host and language enthusiast.[https://newsbrig.com/conservative-talk-radio-pioneer-barry-farber-dies-at-90/6527/] * Please don't leave me. Please don't leave me. ** Who: [[w:Chris Farley|Chris Farley]], American actor and comedian. ** Said to a prostitute as she left his hotel room following a weekend-long drug and sex binge. When she turned around, Chris Farley had collapsed. * Why aren't you filming this? This is what cancer is. ** Who: [[w:Farrah Fawcett|Farrah Fawcett]], American actress, model, and artist. ** Note: Spoken to her friend Alana Stewart, who was filming a documentary about her struggles with cancer. * Remember me as a revolutionary communist. ** Who: [[w:Leslie Feinberg|Leslie Feinberg]], American, butch lesbian and transgender activist, communist, and author. * ''Fräls mig!'' ** Translation: Save me! or rather, Give me salvation! ** Who: Count [[w:Count Axel von Fersen the Younger|Axel von Fersen]]. *** Note: Fersen, who was Swedish marshal of the realm, was attacked in a mob riot during the burial procession of the crown prince, whose death wrongly was blamed on Fersen. The Count called for help from the Guard, but was killed before they could do anything. * I'd hate to die twice. It's so boring. ** Who: [[Richard Feynman]], American physicist. * Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it except you, Carlotta. ** Who: [[W.C. Fields]], American Actor and Comedian. *** Note: "Carlotta" was [[w:Carlotta Monti|Carlotta Monti]], actress and Fields' mistress. * ''Smrt fašizmu, sloboda narodu!'' ([[w:Serbo-Croatian language|Serbo-Croatian]]) **Translation: Death to fascism, freedom to the people! ** Who: [[w:Stjepan Filipović|Stjepan Filipović]], Croatian communist who led *Kolubara Company of the Valjevo Partisan Detachment* during the 1941 Partisan uprising. * The nourishment is palatable. ** Who: [[Millard Fillmore]], 13th President of the United States. *** Note: This was his response when his physician inquired about his food. * Nothing soothes pain like human touch. ** Who: [[Chess]] Grandmaster [[Bobby Fischer]] *** Note: Said while dying of kidney failure. * I don't even know why I'm here. ** Who: [[w:Albert Fish|Albert Fish]] *** Note: Said before execution [https://web.archive.org/web/20110608130819/http://www.prairieghosts.com/fish.html] *If any of you have a message for the Devil, give it to me, for I am about to meet him! ** Who: [[w:Lavinia Fisher|Lavinia Fisher]], hanged for murder on February 18, 1820, while wearing her white wedding dress gown.[http://www.sonic.net/~msnyder/femvio/fem/fisher.htm] * Good enough. They'll be fine. ** Who: [[F. Scott Fitzgerald]], Irish-American novelist and short story writer. *** Note: His response when asked if he wanted anything besides Hershey bars. * Hey, Jimmie! The Chimney Sweeps. Talk to the Sword. Shut up, you got a big mouth! Please come help me up, Henny. Max come over here... French Canadian bean soup... I want to pay, let them leave me alone... ** Who: Arthur Flegenheimer, mobster, also known as [[Dutch Schultz]]. *** Note: Flegenheimer had been fatally shot by another mobster and taken to the hospital. As police officers interrogated him on his deathbed, he gave them [http://home.swipnet.se/~w-40977/coolpeople/lastwords.html long and frequently incoherent answers, perhaps the most known of which is "A boy has never wept...nor dashed a thousand kin"] before finally dying. * I am sorry to trouble you chaps. I don't know how you get along so fast with the traffic on the roads these days. ** Who: [[Ian Fleming]], British author and journalist. *** Note: Spoken to the ambulance drivers. * I can't breathe. * Momma, I love you. Tell my kids I love them. I'm dead. ** Who: [[w:Killing of George Floyd|George Floyd]] *** Note: The first line was repeated while Derek Chauvin, a white police officer, pressed his knee to Floyd's neck for almost nine minutes while Floyd was handcuffed face down in the street. The latter was uttered by Floyd immediately before his death. * I've had a hell of a lot of fun and I've enjoyed every minute of it. ** Who: [[Errol Flynn]], Australian-born actor. * Billy, I've never sung that song and feel the way I do tonight. * I'm awful tired now, Hank. I've got to go to bed. ** Who: [[w:Red Foley|Red Foley]], American country singer ** "Billy" was [[w:Billy Walker (musician)|Billy Walker]], who had led a prayer of repentance for Foley earlier that night. The song Foley had sung was the gospel number "Peace in the Valley." "Hank" was [[w:Hank Williams, Jr.|Hank Williams, Jr.]]; the words to him were the last words attributed to Foley in Williams's song "I Was with Red Foley (The Night He Passed Away)," and thus poetic license may have been taken. * You can stop now; I'm already dead. ** Who: [[w:Abigail Folger|Abigail Folger]] *** Note: Folger said this to her attackers, members of the Manson Family, after being stabbed repeatedly in the home of her friend Sharon Tate. Folger had first been injured in the house before running to the front lawn and collapsing, where she said her last words and died while being continually stabbed. * I'll sleep well tonight. ** Who: [[Henry Ford]], founder of the Ford Motor Company. * I don't want to leave you guys. ** Who: [[Rob Ford]], Canadian politician and businessman, and the 64th Mayor of Toronto. * It is better to die with honour than live without it. Echo November Alpha." ** Who: [[w:Connellan air disaster|Colin Forman]] *** Note: Forman, an immigrant from England, had been dismissed as a pilot from Connair after a previous conviction for ticket forgery was discovered. After being fired from another flight company in Wyndham, Forman vowed revenge on Connair's boss, Roger Connellan, whom he believed told the company about his conviction. In January 1977, he stole a Beechcraft 58 Baron from Wyndham, flew to the Alice Springs airfield, and broadcast this final message to ATC before deliberately flying the plane into the Connair complex. Connellan and three other people in the building were killed. * I've been very, very busy... being ill! ** Who: [[w:Bruce Forsyth|Bruce Forsyth]], British presenter, when asked of his whereabouts in the year leading up to his demise. * When you realize the value of all life you dwell less on what is past and concentrate on the preservation of the future. ** Who: [[Dian Fossey]], American conservationist and primatologist. *** Note: Last lines Fossey wrote in her final journal entry. She was murdered by an unknown assailant in her cabin in [[w:Volcanoes National Park|Volcanoes National Park]] shortly thereafter.<ref>[https://gorillafund.org/congo/dian-fosseys-legacy-preservation-future/ Dian Fossey’s legacy: “Preservation of the future”]. ''Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund International''. Retrieved December 5, 2025.</ref> * Hello Everyone, Today I am feeling much better after a good night, and wanted to take this opportunity of wishing you all a happy Fourth of July. Thank you all for your continued kind thoughts and prayers. A happy Independence Day to you and your loved ones. Love, Connie ** Who: [[w:Connie Francis|Connie Francis]], American singer ** Public statement she made on her social media 12 days before her death. The brief rebound in her health was short-lived; she entered a terminal decline shortly thereafter.<ref>{{cite news |last=Longmire |first=Becca |date=17 July 2025 |title=Inside Connie Francis' Final Days Before Her Death at Age 87 |url=https://people.com/connie-francis-inside-final-days-before-death-exclusive-11774012 |access-date=17 July 2025 |work=People}}</ref> * ''Grazie per avermi portato in piazza.'' ** Translation: Thank you for bringing me back to the square. ** Who: [[Pope Francis]] *** Note: Francis' last recorded spoken words were from the previous day, a statement of thanks to his nurse for allowing him to preside over Easter Sunday mass in his weakened state.<ref name="lastwordsofpopefrancis">{{Cite web |date=2025-04-22 |title=Pope Francis' final hours and gratitude for returning to the Square |url=https://www.vaticannews.va/en/pope/news/2025-04/pope-francis-his-final-calm-hours-and-the-thank-you.html |access-date=2025-04-23 |website=Vatican News |language=en}}</ref> *''Vamo que vamo, vamo junto ocupar tudo!'' * Translation: Let's go, let's occupy everything together! ** Who: [[Marielle Franco]], Brazilian activist and politician. *** Note: At the end of a round-table discussion hosted by her, Franco said these words to the attendees. Shortly thereafter, she was [[w:Assassination of Marielle Franco|killed]] during a drive-by-shooting.<ref>[https://www.bbc.com/portuguese/brasil-43414709/ Os últimos momentos de Marielle Franco antes de ser morta com quatro tiros na cabeça]. ''BBC''. Retrieved November 2, 2024.</ref> * ''Ich bin dankbar für die freundliche Behandlung während meiner Gefangenschaft und bitte Gott, mich gnädig aufzunehmen.'' ** Translation: I am thankful for the kind treatment during my captivity and I ask God to accept me with mercy. ** Who: [[w:Hans Frank|Hans Frank]], German war criminal and lawyer who worked for the Nazi Party during the 1920s and 1930s, and later became Adolf Hitler's personal lawyer. *** Note: At the gallows, Frank, one of the only two war criminals to show true remorse for his crimes during the Nuremberg trials and sentencing, quietly answered to his name and calmly said these words before he was hanged. * A dying man can do nothing easily. ** Who: [[Benjamin Franklin]], one of the Founding Fathers of the United States. Also a leading author, printer, political theorist, politician, postmaster, scientist, inventor, civic activist, statesman, and diplomat. *** Note: As he lay dying, his daughter suggested that if he lay on his side, he could breathe easier. * ''Es ist gar nichts... es ist gar nichts...'' ** Translation: It is nothing... it is nothing... ** Who: [[w:Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria|Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria]] *** Note: Whispered to Count Harrach as he fell unconscious after being shot. His assassination and subsequent death triggered the outbreak of [[World War I]]. * ''Das gute Essen.'' ** Translation: The good meal. ** Who: [[w:Frederick I of Sweden|Frederick I of Sweden]] *** Note: He probably meant the Holy Communion although one of the king's favourite activities was to eat. * ''Werfen Sie eine Decke über sie.'' ** Translation: Throw a quilt over her. ** Who: [[Frederick II of Prussia]], who noticed his greyhound shivering and issued this order to his valet. * ''Das ist nicht wahr! Ich werde in der Montur sterben?'' ** Translation: That's not true! I'm gonna die in this suit? ** Alternatively: No, not quite naked. I shall have my uniform on. ** Who: [[w:Frederick William I of Prussia|Frederick William I]], King of Prussia from 1713 - 1740, d. 31 May, 1740 * Papa, are you proud of me? ** Who: Frederik, son of [[w:Prince Robert of Luxembourg|Prince Robert of Luxembourg]] *** Frederik died from a congenital mitochondrial disease at the age of 22.<ref>{{cite news|url=https://people.com/prince-frederik-dead-luxembourg-royal-dies-at-22-from-rare-genetic-condition-11693614|title=Luxembourg's Prince Frederik Dies at 22 from Rare Genetic Condition: 'He Is My Superhero,' Says Dad Prince Robert|first=Nicholas|last=Rice|publisher=People|date=March 9, 2025|accessdate=March 9, 2025}}</ref> * ''Jeg ønsker lykke og velsignelse for alle danske hjem i det kommende år. Gud bevare Danmark.'' ** Translation: I wish happiness and blessings for all Danish homes in the coming year. God preserve Denmark. ** Who: [[w:Frederik IX|Frederik IX]] of Denmark *** Note: From his final public New Year's address on 31 December 1971, two weeks before he died. * Hey, fellas! How about this for a headline for tomorrow's paper? 'French Fries'! ** Who: [[w:James French (murderer)|James French]]. *** Note: French, a convicted murderer, was sentenced to the electric chair. He shouted these words to members of the press who were to witness his execution. * ''Sag Anna von unserem Vortrag.'' ** Translation: Tell [[w:Anna Freud|Anna]] of our talk. ** Who: [[Sigmund Freud]] *** Note: Anna was Freud's daughter. Freud had been in agony for some months due to oral cancer and had previously discussed with his physician that he wished to be euthanized rather than endure prolonged suffering. * ''Bitte lass es.'' ** Translation: Please leave it. ** Who: [[w:Werner von Fritsch|Werner von Fritsch]] * Why fear death? It's life's greatest adventure. ** Who: [[w:Charles Frohman|Charles Frohman]], As he stood on the deck of the sinking liner [[RMS Lusitania]] with French actress [[Rita Jolivet]], he quoted this line from his friend, [[J.M. Barrie]]'s "Peter Pan" on the 7th May 1915 at 14:28pm. *** Note: Charles Frohman was standing on deck when the torpedo struck the RMS Lusitania, and 18 minutes later, he was dragged under with the ship by the suction. During then, he saw Rita Jolivet on deck and asked her to hold on to the rail until they knew what to do. His friends escaped and so did Rita, but Charles was among the 1198 people who perished in the disaster. * She is squeezing my hand! ** Who: [[Buckminster Fuller]] *** Note: In the period leading up to his death, his wife had been lying comatose in a Los Angeles hospital, dying of cancer. It was while visiting her there that he exclaimed, at a certain point: "She is squeezing my hand!" He then stood up, suffered a heart attack and died an hour later. His wife died 36 hours after he did. * Just kill me and get this over with! ** Who: [[w: Murder of Junko Furuta|Junko Furuta]] *** Note: Said to her killers after they were done torturing her for days on end. =G= * I love you. ** Who: [[Zsa Zsa Gabor]] * Kiss my ass! You'll never find the rest! ** Who: [[John Wayne Gacy]] *** Note: Gacy's last words before being executed by lethal injection. The "rest" refers to the bodies of his other victims, which indeed were all found. * !لا تطلق النار لي! لا تطلق النار لي (''la tutliq alnaar li! la tutliq alnaar li!'') * !لا تقتلني يا أبنائي (''la taqtulani ya 'abnayiy!'') * ماذا فعلت لك؟ هل تعرف الحق من الخطأ؟ (''madha fa'alt lak? hal ta'rif alhaqa min alkhata?'') * !ماذا تفعل؟ حرام. لا يسمح به في الشريعة الإسلامية. حرام. ما تفعلونه ممنوع في الإسلام (''madha taf'alu? haram. la yasmah bih fi alshari'at al'iislamiat. haram. ma taf'alunah mamnu' fi al'iislam!'') ** Translation: * Don't shoot me! Don't shoot me! * Don't kill me, my sons! * What did I do to you? Do you know right from wrong? * What are you doing? It's haraam [forbidden]. It's not allowed in Islamic law. Haraam. What you are doing is forbidden in Islam! ** Who: [[Muammar Gaddafi]] *** Note: All of the above were allegedly heard as Gaddafi was dragged through the streets. As of the 23rd of October 2011, there is no officially accepted version of the death of Gaddafi. * Полётное задание выполнено. Запрашиваю разрешение на посадку. (''Polëtnoe zadanie vypolneno. Zaprašivaju razrešenie na posadku.'') ** Translation: * The flight task is complete. Requesting permission to land. ** Who: [[Yuri Gagarin]] *** Note: Gagarin's last radio transmission which occurred 55 seconds before his training jet crashed, killing him and his flight instructor. * I'd like to thank my family for loving me and taking care of me. And the rest of the world can kiss my ass. ** Who: Johnny Frank Garrett, Sr., d. February 11, 1992 *** Note: Executed by injection, Texas. * Баатар! Жинхэнэ баатар! (''Bataar! Jinkhene baatar!'') * Миний төгсгөлийг чамаас гуйхгүй, ямар ч шалтгаангүйгээр битгий уйлж, дуулгавартай байгаарай, дайсан минь миний үхлээс сэрэмжлүүлцгээе. (''Minii tögsgöliig chamaas guikhgüi, yamar ch shaltgaangüigeer bitgii uilj, duulgavartai baigaarai, daisan mini minii ükhlees seremjlüültsgeeye.'') ** Translation: * Hero! A real hero! * Let not my end disarm you, and on no account weep or keen for me, lest the enemy be warned of my death. ** Who: [[Genghis Khan]] *** Note: The first set of words were presumably Genghis Khan's last words according to legend, while the second set were supposed to have been spoken after he fell ill as his forces approached the Tangut capital of Ningxia. * ''Ne pleure pas, Alfred ! J'ai besoin de tout mon courage pour mourir à vingt ans !'' ** Translation: Don't cry, Alfred! I need all my courage to die at twenty! ** Who: Mathematician [[w:Evariste Galois|Evariste Galois]] *** Note: Spoken to his brother Alfred after being fatally wounded in a duel. * चिंता मत करो, आराम करो! (''chinta mat karo, aaraam karo!'') ** Translation: Don't worry, relax! ** Who: [[w:Rajiv Gandhi|Rajiv Gandhi]], Prime Minister of India *** Note: To his security staff, allowing the suicide bomber to go near him as if to give flowers. * हे राम! (''Hé Ram!'') ** Translation: O God! ** Who: [[Mohandas Gandhi]] *** Note: These words were reportedly spoken after Gandhi had been shot. According to his assassin Godse, Gandhi "just made a 'Uh ...' kind of sound and slid down". The above words were inserted by the Congress. * [''To his chief of staff, [[w:David G. Swaim|David G. Swaim]]''] Oh Swaim, there is a pain here. Swaim, can't you stop this? Oh, oh, Swaim! ** Who: [[James A. Garfield]], 20th President of the United States. As quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=UzEYAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA573&dq=%22swaim+there+is+a+pain%22&hl=en&sa=X&ei=Kb4GVcaIAcjDggSYiYOoCQ&ved=0CB4Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=%22swaim%20there%20is%20a%20pain%22&f=false "The Last Hours"], ''Life of President Garfield: The Complete Record of a Wonderful Career'' (1881), by William Ralston Balch, p. 573. * I can't breathe! ** Who: [[w:Death of Eric Garner|Eric Garner]] *** Note: Said while officer Daniel Pantaleo put him in a chokehold and slammed onto the ground. After a few seconds, Pantaleo uses his hands to push Garner's head down on the sidewalk. As Pantaleo removed his arm from Garner's neck, he said the above line eleven times before going unconscious. * Save my son first! ** Who: [[w:Shad Gaspard|Shad Gaspard]], professional wrestler and actor. *** Note: Said to a lifeguard at Venice Beach, who tried to rescue Gaspard and his 10-year old son after a rip current had swept them both to sea, insisting that his son be rescued first. The lifeguard was able to rescue his son, but Gaspard was pushed back down under a wave shortly afterwards, disappearing until his body was found three days later washed up on the shore. * I don't want to lay down! ** Who: [[w:Hank Gathers|Hank Gathers]], college basketball player *** Note: Gathers collapsed during a tournament game between the Loyola Marymount Lions and Portland Pilots and was later pronounced dead at a nearby hospital. His death was attributed to a heart condition. * ''Ça fait mal là.'' / ''Ça fait mal ici.'' ** Translation: I feel pain here. ** Who: [[Charles de Gaulle]], French leader. * व्अय्अध्अम्म्आ स्अङख्आर्आ अप्प्अम्आद्एन्अ स्अम्प्आद्एथ्आ (''vayadhammā saṅkhārā appamādena sampādethā'') ** Translation: All compounded things are subject to vanish. Strive with earnestness. ** Who: [[w:Buddha|Siddhārtha Gautama]], a.k.a. the Buddha * I got what I wanted... I couldn't do it myself, so I had him do it... it's good, I ran my race, there's no more left in me. ** Who: [[Marvin Gaye]] *** Note: Moments earlier, Gaye was fatally shot by his father, Marvin Gay, Sr. * Fifty-fifty. ** Who: [[Lou Gehrig]] *** Note: Mouthed these words to his wife Eleanor. * Goddamn you! ** Who: [[George V of the United Kingdom|King George V of the United Kingdom]] *** Note: Alleged last words, after his nurse administered a sedative. [[w:Bertrand Dawson, 1st Viscount Dawson of Penn|Lord Bertrand Dawson]], the royal physician, had given a poor prognosis of the king's worsening bronchitis, and decided to euthanize George V so that his death would reach the press in time for the morning news. George V himself adamantly protested, hence his fervent dying words. Neither [[w:Mary of Teck|Queen Mary]] or [[w:Edward VIII|Edward VIII]], George's wife and son, were consulted. * [[Fred Astaire]] ** Who: [[George Gershwin]] * There'll always be a Meersman. ** Who: [[w:Gary Gilmore|Gary Gilmore]] ** Before his execution by firing squad in Utah on January 17, 1977. This was first execution in the United States after 10-years moratorium **After being asked for any last words, Gilmore simply replied, "Let's do it." The Rev. Thomas Meersman, the Roman Catholic prison chaplain, imparted Gilmore's last rites. After the prison physician cloaked him in a black hood, Gilmore uttered his last words to the Father Meersman:<br>Gary: Dominus vobiscum (Latin translation: "The Lord be with you.")<br>Meersman: Et cum spiritu tuo ("And with your spirit")<br>Gary (grinning): There'll always be a Meersman.<br>TIME Magazine, ed. "[http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,918639,00.html After Gilmore, Who's Next to Die]", Time Magazine 31 Jan. 1977. Time.com. TIME Magazine Publisher: Time Inc. Web. 23 July 2009. * Take her down! ** Who: [[w:Howard W. Gilmore|Howard W. Gilmore]] *** Note: Gilmore was a submarine commander who chose to stay above water after his vessel inadvertently rammed a Japanese convoy ship and began to list. Grievously wounded, he commanded his crew to leave him behind and get below, and was assumedly swept out to sea as the submarine dove to take cover. *My most fervent wish is that I will not be replaced until a new president is installed. **Who: [[Ruth Bader Ginsburg]] ***Note: Dictated to her granddaughter.<ref name="rbg">{{Cite web |url=https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2020/09/ruth-bader-ginsburg-rbg-dying-wish.html |last=Stahl |first=Jeremy |date=September 18, 2020 |accessdate=September 18, 2020 |work={{W|Slate (magazine)|Slate}} |lang=en-US |title=RBG's Dying Words: 'My Most Fervent Wish Is That I Not Be Replaced Until a New President Is Installed'}}</ref> Despite her wishes, her Supreme Court seat was reappointed under the incumbent president at the time of her death. * I'd rather be fishing. ** Who: [[w:Jimmy L. Glass|Jimmy L. Glass]] *** Note: Before his execution in Louisiana electric chair, 1987 * I always knew what I was doing. ** Who: [[w:Jackie Gleason|Jackie Gleason]] *** Note: to [[w:Audrey Meadows|Audrey Meadows]], via telephone, according to Meadows' book ''Love, Alice: My Life as a Honeymooner.'' Gleason died a week later on June 24, 1987. * Well, I hope Percy ain't going to forget to wet the sponge. Put me on the highway to Jackson and call my Irish buddies. ''Póg mo thóin'', God bless. ** Who: [[w:Robert Gleason (murderer)|Robert Gleason]] *** Note: Said before execution. "Póg mo thóin" is Irish for "Kiss my arse". * ''Grazie, di tutto.'' **Translation: Thank you for everything. ** Who: [[w:Carlo Gnocchi|Blessed Father Carlo Gnocchi]] * I-I don't know- I don't know nobody by that name! ** Who: [[w:Shooting of Robert Godwin|Robert Godwin Sr.]] *** Note: Godwin Sr. had been randomly chosen by shooter Steve Stephens, who asked if Godwin Sr. could say "Joy Lane" (Stephens' girlfriend's name) and that she was the reason he was going to kill him. Perplexed, Godwin Sr. stated his last words immediately before being shot dead. Stephens filmed the entire incident and uploaded it to Facebook. He committed suicide by gunshot after being chased down by police two days later. * ''Mehr Licht.'' ** Translation: More light. ** Who: [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe]] ** It is also reported that "Come my little one, and give me your hand." were the last words he declared to his daughter-in-law Ottilie. ** Another version reported is "Nichts mehr" (nothing more) * No! I didn't come here to make a speech. I came here to die. ** Who: Crawford Goldsby, aka ''Cherokee Bill'', when asked if he had anything to say before he was hanged. *I don't know. ** Who: [[w:Jerry Goldsmith|Jerry Goldsmith]] * New york, new york. Big city of dreams, but everything in new york aint always what it seems. (sent via Twitter account on 25 August 2009) ** Who: [[w:Adam Goldstein|Adam Goldstein]] (aka "DJ AM") *** Note: He was found dead in his apartment three days later on 28 August 2009 after friends called police when they were unable to contact him for several days. While it is not known to be his last words, this was his last contact with friends and family. *** These are lyrics from a song by [[w:Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five|Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five]]. * That's fine, dude, I'm not mad at you. ** Who: [[w:Killing of Renee Good|Renee Good]] *** Note: Good was sitting in her car, which was stopped sideways on the street, when she said these words to [[w:United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement|ICE]] agent Jonathan Ross who was filming her with a phone camera and walking around the car. A few moments later, as she reversed and began driving away, she was fatally shot by him.<ref>[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/jan/09/ice-agent-minneapolis-bodycam-footage Renee Nicole Good said 'I'm not mad at you' before ICE agent shot her, video shows]. The Guardian. Retrieved January 16, 2026.</ref> *This is taking a long time. ** Who: [[w:David Goodall (botanist)|David Goodall]], Australian botanist, just after administering his own lethal injection as part of a physician assisted suicide at the age of 104. * Do your best while you're still on this beautiful Planet Earth that I look down upon from where I am now. God bless you all. ** Who: [[Jane Goodall]], English primatologist and anthropologist. *** Note: Spoken on the TV series ''[[w:Famous Last Words (TV series)|Famous Last Words]]'' which features interviews with famous people that are published posthumously.<ref>[https://janegoodall.ca/our-stories/dr-jane-goodall-leaves-behind-her-last-words/ Dr. Jane Goodall leaves behind her last words]. Jane Goodall Institute. Retrieved October 6, 2025.</ref> * 馬鹿者！馬鹿者！ (''Bakamono! Bakamono!!'') **(also quoted as ''Bakayaro! Bakayaro!'') ** Translation: Idiots! Idiots! ** Who: Admiral [[w:Aritomo Gotō|Aritomo Gotō]]'s last words to his staff, believing to have been hit by friendly fire, October 11, 1942 * I really need a therapist. ** Who: Christopher Grace, an actor who killed himself during a matinee performance of ''Grease''. * We must get them into the boats. We must get them all into the boats. ** Who: [[w:Archibald Gracie IV|Archibald Gracie IV]], survivor of the [[w:Sinking of the Titanic|sinking of the RMS ''Titanic'']] on 15 April 1912, who died less than eight months later. *** Note: Attributed to a ''[[The New York Times|New York Times]]'' obituary. * ''Criei uma bandeira da dignidade do esporte. Eu supervisiono o nome da minha família com carinho, nervos e sangue constantes.'' ** Translation: I created a flag from the sport's dignity. I oversee the name of my family with affection, steady nerves and blood. ** Who: [[w:Hélio Gracie|Hélio Gracie]], co-founder of Gracie Jiu-Jitsu, or modern-day [https://www.attacktheback.com Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu]. * Water. ** Who: [[Ulysses S. Grant]], 18th President of the United States *** Note: Suffering from throat cancer, Grant could not speak much, but shortly before his death he wrote what is also sometimes considered his last words: "There was never one more willing to go than I am." * ''Vel, hvis det må være slik.'' ** Translation: Well, if it must be so. ** Who: [[w:Edvard Grieg|Edvard Grieg]], a Norwegian composer and pianist. * I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this. ** Who: [[w:Thomas J. Grasso|Thomas J. Grasso]], d. March 20, 1995 *** Note: Executed by lethal injection, Oklahoma. * It's stopped. ** Who: [[w:Joseph Henry Green|Joseph Henry Green]] *** Note: Said upon checking his own pulse. * ''Schnell.'' ** Translation: Hurry. ** Who: [[w:Irma Grese|Irma Grese]] *** Note: Spoken to her executioner, [[Albert Pierrepoint]] seconds before she was hanged. * Lord, into thy hands I commend my spirit! ** Who: [[w:Lady Jane Grey|Lady Jane Grey]] * The first one was easy! ** Who: David Grundman *** Note: Spoken to roommate James Suchochi after shooting down a small saguaro cactus in February, 1982, in the Arizonan desert. Grundman began shooting at a larger saguaro from close range immediately after. One arm of the cactus detached and pinned Grundman to the ground, and the rest of the cactus collapsed on him, killing him almost instantly. * ''Sé que estas aquí para matarme. Dispara, cobarde, solo vas a matar a un hombre.'' ** Translation: I know you are here to kill me. Shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a man. ** Who: [[Che Guevara]]. * ''Au moins, je meurs célèbre.'' ** Translation: At least I die famous. ** Who: [[w:Albert Guay|Albert Guay]] *** Note: Before being executed for bombing a passenger flight. * Glory hallelujah! I am with the Lord, Glory, ready, go! ** Who: [[w:Charles Guiteau|Charles Guiteau]], assassin of US President James A. Garfield, hanged in 1882 * Nobody shot me. * I ain't no copper. ** Who: [[w:Frank Gusenberg|Frank "Tight Lips" Gusenberg]], American mobster murdered as part of the [[w:Saint Valentine's Day massacre|Saint Valentine's Day massacre]].<ref>{{cite book|last1=Yenne|first1=Bill|title=Chicago Haunts: Ghostlore of the Windy City|date=1998|publisher=Lake Claremont Press|isbn=ISBN 0-964-24267-2|page=125}}</ref> *** Note: In response to a police officer who asked "Who shot you?" Contrary to his statement, Gusenberg had been shot 14 times. * And now for a final word from our sponsor... ** Who: [[w:Charles Gussman|Charles Gussman]], a television writer who wrote for the soap opera ''Days of Our Lives''. * What's that?! ** Who: Joakim Gustafsson, [[w:Linate Airport disaster|Scandinavian Airlines Flight 686]] pilot *** Note: Said when he saw a Cessna plane on the runway at Linate Airport in Milan, Italy just as about he was to take off. The plane collided with the Cessna and it then crashed into an airport hangar, killing all on board both planes plus 4 people inside the hangar. * ''Ich bin der König von Schweden - gewesen.'' ** Translation: I was the king of Sweden. [Note: The German perfect of "be," "I have been," is constructed with a finite form of "be" (here "bin") and its participle ("gewesen"). Without "gewesen" at the end, one would translate "I am the king of Sweden." Thus the weight of the sentence rests on an untranslatable bit of grammatical cleverness. Literally translated into English, the quote would be "I am the king of Sweden - was." An equivalent English phrasing in meaning would be "I am the king of Sweden... no more".] ** Who: [[w:Gustavus Adolphus|Gustavus II Adolphus]] of Sweden *** Note: Said to an imperial soldier at the battle of Lützen. * ''Jag känner mig sömnig, ett kort ögonblicks vila skulle göra mig gott.'' ** Translation: I feel sleepy, a short time of rest would do me good. ** Who: [[w:Gustavus III|Gustavus III of Sweden]]. He had been shot at a masquerade ball two weeks earlier. * You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant. ** Who: [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] *** Note: This quote is a best guess. Woody's son, [[w:Arlo Guthrie|Arlo]], had delivered a demonstration copy of his song "[[w:Alice's Restaurant|Alice's Restaurant Massacree]]" to his father on his deathbed. According to a Guthrie family "joke," Guthrie was listening to the recording when he died. * Yes, it's tough, but not as tough as doing comedy. ** Who: [[w:Edmund Gwenn|Edmund Gwenn]], actor, d. September 6, 1959 *** Note: When asked if he thought dying was tough. =H= * ''Lat det være, Marie – jeg dør nu.'' ** Translation: Leave it be, Marie – I'm dying now. ** Who: [[w:Knut Hamsun|Knut Hamsun]] *** Note: To his wife, Marie, when she attempts to correct his pillow. Knut Hamsun slept the last two days of his life, with his wife by his side. * I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country. ** Who: [[Nathan Hale]], American spy, hanged in 1776, according to the account by [[w:William Hull|William Hull]] based on reports by [[w:John Montresor|John Montresor]]. This has also been quoted as: I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country. Some speculation exists that he might have been repeating or paraphrasing lines from [[w:Joseph Addison|Joseph Addison]]'s play ''Cato'': What pity is it that we can die but once to serve our country. * Southerly gales, squalls, lee rail under water, wet bunks, hard tack, bully beef, wish you were here — instead of me! ** Who: [[Richard Halliburton]], last known communication from the Chinese junk ''Sea Dragon'' at sea, March 23 1939 *I'm gonna put you on fourteen-seven and that'll give you- *Oh shit! ** Who: Frank Halpin, Captain of Flying Tiger Line Flight 66 *** Notes: Halpin was the Captain on [[w:Flying Tiger Line Flight 66|Flying Tiger Line Flight 66]] when it crashed into a hill on approach to Kuala Lumpur on February 19 1989 killing all four on board. The first line was regarding the settings for an Instrument landing system approach, which are his last confirmed words. In the final seconds of the flight, a voice declared the second line and it is unclear whether it was Halpin or the First Officer on realizing they were about to crash. * This is a mortal wound, doctor. [''to Dr. David Hosack''] [''And then, to his wife''] Remember, my Eliza, you are a Christian. *If they break this Union, they will break my heart. ** Who: [[Alexander Hamilton]] *** Notes: Spoken after being shot by [[Aaron Burr]] in a [[W:duel|duel]], The 3rd quote is his actual final words before passing away from his injuries according to Ron Chernow's biography on Alexander Hamilton. * Sleep well, my sweetheart. Please don't worry too much. ** Who: [[w:Rob Hall|Rob Hall]], lead guide of the disastrous [[w:1996 Everest disaster|1996 Mount Everest expedition]]. Said to his wife via satellite phone as he lay dying from exposure. * ''Liberemus diuturna cura populum Romanum, quando mortem senis exspectare longum censent.'' ** Translation: Let us ease the Roman people of their continual care, who think it long to await the death of an old man. ** Who: [[Hannibal Barca|Hannibal]] * That's good. Go on, read some more. ** Who: [[Warren G. Harding]], 29th President of the United States, to his wife, who was reading him flattering newspaper accounts. He died of a heart attack moments later. * I love you. ** Who: [[w:Oliver Hardy|Oliver Hardy]] *** Note: Spoken to his wife. * ''Tout est une illusion.'' ** Translation: Everything is an illusion. ** Who: [[w:Mata Hari|Mata Hari]] *** Note: Spoken to a visitor before she faced a firing squad. The words reflect the Eastern mysticism which had long fascinated her. * Where is Aunt Jetty? Hope she didn't run out on me... ** Who: [[w:Jean Harlow|Jean Harlow]], who died on June 6, 1937 * ''Und ich habe Deutschland so geliebt.'' ** Translation: And I loved Germany so much. ** Who: [[w:Mildred Harnack|Mildred Harnack]], American literary historian and translator *** Note: Harnack, who had lived in Germany since 1929, said these words shortly before being executed at [[w:Plötzensee Prison|Plötzensee Prison]] for her activities in the [[w:German resistance to Nazism|anti-Nazi resistance]].<ref>[https://www.faz.net/aktuell/feuilleton/debatten/das-vermaechtnis-der-widerstandskaempferin-mildred-harnack-18951674.html/ Das verschwundene Buch aus Plötzensee]. ''Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung''. Retrieved October 8, 2024.</ref> * If I die, I hope you guys turn this into a memecoin. ** Who: Arnold Robert Haro *** Note: from a livestream in which Haro committed suicide. Multiple memecoins, speculative tokens primarily used for pump-and-dump schemes, were indeed created based on the incident shortly thereafter.<ref>Khalili, Joel. [https://www.wired.com/story/livestreamed-tragedy-x-memecoin-frenzy/?utm_source=firefox-newtab-en-us A Livestreamed Tragedy on X Sparks a Memecoin Frenzy]. Wired. March 20, 2025. Retrieved March 23, 2025.</ref> * One! Two! Three! ** Who: [[w:Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold|Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold]], perpetrators of the [[w:Columbine High School massacre|Columbine High School massacre]], just before committing suicide by gunshot * It was the food! Don't touch the food! ** Who: [[w:Richard Harris|Richard Harris]], actor. *** Note: Spoken to fellow hotel guests, as he was wheeled through the foyer by paramedics. * You can be a king or a street sweeper, but everyone dances with the Grim Reaper. ** Who: [[w:Robert Alton Harris|Robert Alton Harris]], before his execution on April 21, 1992. *** His last words are a misquote of a line in the 1991 film [[Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey]]: "You might be a king or a little street sweeper but sooner or later you dance with the reaper." * Are the doctors here? Doctor, my lungs... ** Who: [[Benjamin Harrison]], 23rd president of the United States. He died of pneumonia. * Love one another. * Do you want me to come with you? ** Who: [[George Harrison]], who died from cancer on November 29, 2001. The first set of words were the last he said to his wife and son, the second were the last he said to his [[Beatles]] band mate [[Ringo Starr]], jokingly in response to Ringo stating he would go to visit his sick daughter. * Sir, I wish you to understand the true principles of the government. I wish them carried out. I ask nothing more. ** Who: [[William Henry Harrison]], 9th President of the United States and the first to die in office. *** Note: He spoke those words to his doctor, which were intended for Vice President John Tyler. * Look out! ** Who: [[w:Owen Hart|Owen Hart]], professional wrestler *** Note: Hart died at the [[w:WWE|World Wrestling Federation's]] 1999 [[w:Over the Edge (1999)|Over the Edge]] pay-per-view event at [[w:Kemper Arena|Kemper Arena]], when a stunt that he was involved in had gone wrong. He was supposed to descend to the ring from the rafters above while wearing the costume of the Blue Blazer, a tongue-in-cheek superhero parody gimmick. The already-controversial rigging equipment being used had malfunctioned (possibly by a triggered quick-release mechanism while Hart was adjusting himself), and he fell 78 feet on to the top rope of the wrestling ring. His official cause of death was blunt-force trauma, with his aorta being severed, causing him to bleed to death. WWF was widely criticized for both shopping around for a rigging company that would perform the stunt (after already being told by the first company that they had consulted that that particular variation of the stunt was too dangerous), and for [[w:The show must go on|continuing the event]] after Hart's death. * Gentlemen, I bid you farewell... ** Who: [[w:Wallace Hartley|Wallace Hartley]], to his fellow band mates before the Titanic sank, April 15, 1912. *** Note: One survivor who clambered aboard Collapsible A distinctly heard Hartley say these words before he and the band were swept off the deck by the sea. * Be brave! Be determined! Overcome the odds! It can be done! ** Who: [[Stephen Hawking]] * ''Kinder werden getröstet, mir geht es gut.'' ** Translation: Children be comforted, I am well. ** Who: [[Joseph Haydn]] *** Note: Haydn's last words, as Napoleon's troops lay siege upon Vienna. * I know that I am going where Lucy is. ** Who: [[Rutherford B. Hayes]], 19th President of the United States, speaking of his late wife * Critter five-ninety-two, we need the, uh, closest airport available. ** Who: First Officer [[w:Richard Hazen|Richard Hazen]], ValuJet 592, last recorded words before crashing into the Everglades due to in-flight fire on May 11, 1996. * Well, I've had a happy life. ** Who: [[William Hazlitt]] * ''Noli timere'' ** Translation: Do not be afraid ** Who: [[Seamus Heaney]], Irish poet and Nobel Laureate *** Note: Texted to his wife, Marie, minutes before dying. * Be inspired. ** Who: [[w:Heavy D|Heavy D]], American rapper. *** Note: Final tweet sent before collapsing outside his Beverly Hills home in 2011. [http://xfinity.comcast.net/slideshow/entertainment-lastwords/2/] * ''Nur du hast mich jemals verstanden. ...und du hast es falsch gemacht.'' ** Translation: Only you have ever understood me. ... And you got it wrong. ** Who: [[Georg Friedrich Wilhelm Hegel]], to his favorite student. * ''Dieu me pardonnera, c'est son métier.'' ** Translation: God will forgive me. It is his profession. ** Who: [[Heinrich Heine]] *Goodnight, my kitten. ** Who: [[Ernest Hemingway]] *** Note: Spoken to his wife before committing suicide. * The story of life is quicker than the blink of an eye, the story of love is hello and goodbye, until we meet again. ** Who: [[Jimi Hendrix]] *** Note: Said in a poem found next to him on his deathbed. The following was the final sentence in the poem. * ''Je ne m'occupe plus de ça.'' ** Translation: I care for nothing, anymore. ** Who: [[w:Henry II of England|Henry II]], king of England *** Note: Last words are also reported as ''Honte. Honte à un roi vaincu!'' ("Shame, shame on a defeated king!") * ''Ich tōcnāwe ich dīeġe in þis caumbre, and departe þis līf for Jherusalem'' ** Translation: I know I will die in this chamber, and depart this life for Jerusalem. ** Who: [[w:Henry IV of England|Henry IV]], king of England * Turn up the lights— I don't want to go home in the dark. ** Who: [[O. Henry]] (William Sydney Porter), June 5, 1910 * Here is a book worth more than all the other books which were ever printed; yet it is my misfortune never to have, till lately, found the time to read it with proper attention and feeling. ** Who: [[Patrick Henry]], American attorney, orator and Founding Father. *** Note: Shortly before he died in his home, a friend saw him reading the Bible, and he replied with these words. * I trust in the merits of Christ. All is lost! Monks, Monks, Monks! So, now all is gone - Empire, Body, and Soul! ** Who: [[Henry VIII of England|Henry VIII]], King of England *** Note: Perhaps in reference to the monks he caused to be evicted during the dissolution of the monasteries. * Maybe I'm dying. ** Who: [[Jim Henson]], American puppeteer and filmmaker, creator of [[The Muppets]]. * Enough already. ** Who: [[w:William Herrick|William Herrick]], writer * And now, I am officially dead. ** Who: [[w:Abram S. Hewitt|Abram S. Hewitt]], American industrialist. He had just removed the oxygen tube from his mouth in the hospital. * Can you believe this crap? ** Who: [[w:Jon-Erik Hexum|John-Erik Hexum]] *** Note: Hexum was napping on the set of ''Cover Up'' during a delay in the filming of an episode. When told that there was going to be more delays, he jokingly said the line above before shooting himself with a gun filled with blanks that was meant for a scene in the episode. The blast fractured his skull and caused a massive brain hemorrhage. He was declared brain dead six days later. * If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention. ** Who: [[w:Heather Heyer|Heather Heyer]] *** Note: On 12 August 2017, the 32 year old Charlottesville, Virginia paralegal was among the counter-protesters demonstrating at the [[w:2017 Unite the Right rally|2017 Unite the Right rally]] which included members of white supremacist, white nationalist, alt-right, neo-Confederate, neo-Nazi, and militia movements protesting against the removal of Confederate monuments and memorials from public spaces. A car, driven by James Alex Fields, Jr., rammed a crowd of counter-protesters, killing Heyer and injuring 19 others. While her last spoken words are not known, the statement recognized as her last was her final posting on her Facebook account on the day of the demonstration. * I've said all that I've had to say. ** Who: [[Bill Hicks]], American comedian *** Note: Hicks did not die until 11 days later, but he quit speaking after saying this. * Forty-five... ** Who: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graham%20Hill Graham Hill], British racing driver. *** Note: Hill was piloting a light aircraft, callsign "Forty-five Yankee" when he it crashed into a golf course shortly before landing in bad weather. Owing to the fact his final radio broadcast abruptly cut off midway through giving the callsign, investigators believed the aircraft had crashed in the process of giving his message. It is believed Hill misunderstood his distance from the airport and began a premature descent. * Goodbye Bill. I die like a true blue rebel. Don't waste any time in mourning. Organize. ** Who: [[Joe Hill]], in a letter to Bill Haywood, leader of the Industrial Workers of the World, before he was led to his execution by firing squad. ** It should be noted, however, that after he heard the words of the executioner, "Ready... aim..." Hill shouted out his actual final word as a command: Fire! [http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A676361] * Leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub. ** Who: [[w:Conrad Hilton|Conrad Hilton]] when asked if he had any last words of wisdom. * ''Ich bin Heinrich Himmler.'' ** Translation: I am Heinrich Himmler. ** Who: [[Heinrich Himmler]], German Nazi politician, police administrator, and military commander * One never knows the ending. One has to die to know exactly what happens after death, although Catholics have their hopes. ** Who: [[Alfred Hitchcock]], English film director and producer * Capitalism. Downfall. ** Who: [[Christopher Hitchens]], English-American author. * ''Ich selbst und meine Gattin wählen, um der Schande des Absetzens oder der Kapitulation zu entgehen, den Tod. Es ist unser Wille, sofort an der Stelle verbrannt zu werden, an der ich den größten Teil meiner täglichen Arbeit im Laufe eines zwölfjährigen Dienstes an meinem Volke geleistet habe.'' * ''Vor allem verpflichte ich die Führung der Nation und die Gefolgschaft zur peinlichen Einhaltung der Rassegesetze und zum unbarmherzigen Widerstand gegen den Weltvergifter aller Völker, das internationale Judentum.'' ** Translation: * I myself and my wife - in order to escape the disgrace of deposition or capitulation - choose death. It is our wish to be burnt immediately on the spot where I have carried out the greatest part of my daily work in the course of a twelve years' service to my people. *Above all, I charge the leadership of the nation and their followers with the strict observance of the racial laws and with merciless resistance against the universal poisoners of all peoples, international Jewry. ** Who: [[Adolf Hitler]], German Nazi dictator *** Note: These are the last sentences in Adolf Hitler's last will and political testament respectively. They were issued on 29 April 1945, 4:00 AM. Hitler committed suicide with his long-time girlfriend and recently married wife Eva Braun the next day. These texts serve as his last confirmed words and final statement.<ref>http://www.auschwitz.dk/Will.htm.</ref> Guards stationed at the Führerbunker reported Hitler and Braun said farewells to the bunker's occupants before resigning to their study, and subsequently only silence before the gunshot that took Hitler's life was heard. * I am about to take my last voyage, a great leap in the dark. ** Who: [[w:Thomas Hobbes|Thomas Hobbes]], English philosopher * 7:30. ** Who: [[w:Gil Hodges|Gil Hodges]], American baseball player *** Note: Said as an answer to New York Mets coach Joe Pignatano about what time they were to meet for dinner at their hotel in West Palm Beach, Florida. Hodges then collapsed from a heart attack and died about half an hour later at a nearby hospital. * You've got to stop this [[w:War in Afghanistan (2001-present)|war in Afghanistan]]. ** Who: [[Richard Holbrooke]] (d. 2010), American diplomat. Words to his Pakistani surgeon, as reported in ''The Washington Post'' (December 14, 2010). * Don't be in such a hurry. ** Who: [[Billie Holiday]] * This is funny. ** Who: [[w:Doc Holliday|Doc Holliday]] ** Note: Doc Holliday was a consumptive gunfighter. He always thought, and perhaps hoped, that he would die in a fight or "with his boots on". He died in a hotel bed from tuberculosis. The above words were uttered after he saw his bare feet. * I know this beach like the back of my hand. * Who: [[w:Harold Holt|Harold Holt]], 17th Prime Minister of Australia. ** Note: Said moments before swimming at [[w:Cheviot Beach|Cheviot Beach]] in rough conditions. Minutes later, Holt was swept out to sea, apparently caught in a rip tide. His body was never recovered. * Levi Strauss was one of my best friends. ** Who: [[Herbert Hoover]], 31st President of the United States *** Note: Accounts differ to whether Hoover's last spoken words were documented or not. His last written words were a get-well message to former President Harry S. Truman, who hit his head on the bathtub after slipping in his bathroom: "Bathtubs are a menace to ex-presidents for as you may recall a bathtub rose up and fractured my vertebrae when I was in Venezuela on your world famine mission in 1946. My warmest sympathy and best wishes for your speedy recovery." * Surprise me. ** Who: [[Bob Hope]], American comedian *** Note: Spoken to his wife when asked where he wanted to be buried. * I'm tired of fighting! I guess this thing is going to get me. ** Who: [[Harry Houdini]], American magician **Houdini is often said to have died after being punched in the stomach before having a chance to tighten his abdominal muscles. This is a fabrication. Houdini was punched in the stomach, however doctors agree such a blow could not have caused his appendix to burst, which is what happened and is the cause of his death. * Texas, Margaret! Texas! ** Who: [[w:Sam Houston|Sam Houston]] * Let me call you sweetheart, I'm in love with you ** Who: [[w:Joseph E. Howard|Joe Howard]], Tin Pan Alley composer and singer *** Note: Howard died on stage during a performance of the 1911 hit "Let Me Call You Sweetheart." At age 91, he was still touring with his long-running Gay Nineties Revue featuring music from the 1890s and 1900s. * I've been really sick lately, so I'm sorry that I haven't answered yours and Ernie's letters, but I think about you daily. ** Who: [[w:Moe Howard|Moe Howard]], American comedian, member of [[The Three Stooges]] *** Note: Howard telephoned these words to one of his partners as he was dying of lung cancer. * Haha! ** Who: [[w:Shemp Howard|Shemp Howard]], American comedian, member of [[The Three Stooges]] *** Note: Howard was sitting in a taxicab next to his friend Al Winston and had just told a joke when he immediately slumped over on Winston's lap and died of an apparent heart attack. Winston believed Howard was playing a joke because of the laughing, but he then realized he had actually died. * No. I don't believe so. ** Who: [[w:Rock Hudson|Rock Hudson]] *** Note: Spoken to Tom Clark, who asked if he wanted another cup of coffee. * ''C'est ici le combat du jour et de la nuit. Je vois de la lumière noire.'' ** Translation: This is the fight of day and night. I see black light. ** Who: [[Victor Hugo]] * Roger, uh, b- ** Who: Colonel [[w:Rick Husband|Rick Husband]], commander of the doomed space shuttle mission [[w:STS-107|STS-107]]. *** Note: The transmission from [[w:Space Shuttle Columbia|Space Shuttle Columbia]] cut out mid-sentence shortly before the shuttle disintegrated during entry interface. * أشهد أن لا اله إلا الله وأن محمداً— (''ašhadu ʾan lā ʾilāha ʾillā llāh wa ʾanna muḥammadan-'') ** Translation: I swear that there is no God but God and Muhammad— ** Who: [[Saddam Hussein]] ** Note: Saddam recited the [[w:Shahadah|Shahadah]], the Muslim affirmation of faith, twice prior to his hanging; the trapdoor sprang before he could finish the second recitation. * You shot me, you got me, I'm good. ** Who: [[w:Nipsey Hussle|Nipsey Hussle]], American rapper *** Note: Hussle was murdered outside of his Marathon Clothing store in Los Angeles. Eyewitnesses report that after he was shot twice and fell, he raised his head from the ground where he lay and said those words to the assailant, who was walking away. The gunman then returned, firing additional shots at Hussle before kicking him in the head and fleeing the scene.[https://www.tmz.com/2019/04/07/nipsey-hussle-murder-fired-shots-rapper-spoke-eric-holder/?adid=foxnewstmztrafficexchange][https://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-nipsey-hussle-eric-holder-murder-transcripts-20190627-story.html] Nipsey Hussle's final public words, sent as a Tweet, were "Having strong enemies is a blessing." [https://twitter.com/NipseyHussle/status/1112472675169886208] * LSD, 100 micrograms I.M. ** Who: [[Aldous Huxley]] in a note to his wife. She obliged and he was injected twice before his death. =I= * ''Tvert imot!'' ** Translation: On the contrary! ** Who: [[Henrik Ibsen]] ** Context: This was his response to a nurse who told a visitor he was a little better. * I have no doubts. ** Who: [[w:Gwen Ifill|Gwen Ifill]] * I am better now. ** Who: [[Robert G. Ingersoll]] ** Context: Ingersoll used these same words in his eulogy for his brother, Ebon, saying, "He who sleeps here, when dying, mistaking the approach of death for the return of health, whispered with his latest breath, {{'}}I am better now.{{'}} Let us believe, in spite of doubts and dogmas, of fears and tears, that these dear words are true of all the countless dead." * Aloha. ** Who: [[Daniel Inouye]] * I have to set my pillows one more night, when will this end already? ** Who: [[Washington Irving]] - American author **Context: said to his niece as he readied himself for bed, whereupon he suffered a stroke and collapsed at the age of 70. * Don't worry, they usually don't swim backwards. * I'm dying. ** Who: [[Steve Irwin]] A.K.A. The Crocodile Hunter ** Context: Said when he was examining a stingray in the Great Barrier Reef. It did, however, swim backwards and the tail pierced his chest. He later died of blood loss. ** During an interview on Australian TV show [[w:Studio 10|Studio 10]], cameraman Justin Lyons said the second of these quotes were Irwin's final words; while Lyons tried to reassure him, Irwin "sort of calmly looked up [at Lyons] and said, 'I'm dying'. And that was the last thing he said". * May a blessing rest upon you, my sons, and upon your seed this day, for ye have given me rest, and my heart is not pained concerning the birthright, lest thou shouldest work wickedness on account of it. May the Most High God bless the man that worketh righteousness, him and his seed for ever. ** Who: [[w:Isaac|Isaac]] * 話せばわかる. (''Hanaseba wakaru.'') **Translation: Let's talk it over, and we'll understand each other. ** Who: [[w:Inukai Tsuyoshi|Inukai Tsuyoshi]] - Prime Minister of Japan **Context: Said just before he was assassinated by naval officers in a coup d'état [[w:May 15 Incident|May 15 Incident]]. Although he gently invited them to his parlor and tried to have a meaningful conversation, their response was "問答無用. (Mondou muyou.)" ("No use arguing.") * You stay. I go. ** Who: [[w:Ishi|"Ishi"]] (c.1861-1916), last surviving member of the Yahi tribe. =J= * Oh, do not cry. Be good children, and we shall all meet in Heaven ... I want to meet you all, white and black, in Heaven. ** Who: [[Andrew Jackson]], 7th President of the United States. Last recorded words, to his grand-children and his servants, as quoted in ''The National Preacher'' (1845) by Austin Dickinson, p. 192. * Let us cross over the river, and rest under the shade of the trees. ** Who: General [[Stonewall Jackson|Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson]] ** Note: Jackson was accidentally shot by his own men and later died from pneumonia. * More milk. ** Who: [[Michael Jackson]] *** Note: Spoken to his doctor, Conrad Murray. The "milk" in question is the nickname he gave the drug propofol, which he was asking Murray for before he died from an overdose. * I ain't feeling good in my chest. ** Who: [[w:Tito Jackson|Tito Jackson]], American musician. *** Note: While Jackson and two friends were preparing to continue their road trip in [[w:Gallup, New Mexico|Gallup]] after a lunch break, he complained about chest pain to one of them. He was taken to a local hospital where he died shortly thereafter.<ref>[https://news.meaww.com/tito-jackson-would-still-be-alive-had-he-gotten-help-sooner-claims-family Tito Jackson would still be alive had he 'gotten help sooner', claims family]. Meaww. Retrieved April 27, 2026.</ref> * אני נאסף אל־עמי קברו אתי אל־אבתי אל־המערה אשר בשדה עפרון החתי במערה אשר בשדה המכפלה אשר על־פני־ממרא בארץ כנען אשר קנה אברהם את־השדה מאת עפרן החתי לאחזת־קבר שמה קברו את־אברהם ואת שרה אשתו מה קברו את־יצחק ואת רבקה אשתו ושמה קברתי את־לאה מקנה השדה והמערה אשר־בו מאת בני־חת (''Ani ne'esaf el ammi kivru oti el avotai el hamme'arah asher bisdeh efrovn bamme'arah asher bisdeh hammachpelah asher al penei mamre be'eretz kena'an asher kanah avraham et hassadeh me'et efron hachitti la'achuzzat kaver shammah kaveru et avraham ve'et sarah ishtov mah kaveru et yitzchak ve'et rivkah ishtov veshammah kavarti et le'ah mikneh hassadeh vehamme'arah asher bov me'et benei chet'') ** Translation: I am to be gathered to my people; bury me with my fathers in the cave that is in the field of Ephron the Hittite, in the cave that is in the field of Machpelah, which is before Mamre in the land of Canaan, which Abraham bought with the field of Ephron the Hittite as a possession for a burial place. There they buried Abraham and Sarah his wife, there they buried Isaac and Rebekah his wife, and there I buried Leah. The field and the cave that is there were purchased from the sons of Heth. ** Who: [[w:Jacob|Jacob]]. * That picture is awful dusty. ** Who: [[w:Jesse James|Jesse James]] ** While in his home, James climbed on a chair to dust a framed picture hanging on the wall. When he turned around, he was shot in the back of the head by Robert Ford, his former associate. * אל תפחדי מפרושים, ולא ממי מאלה שאינם פרושים, אם לא צבועים כמו פרושים, שמעשיהם כמעשה זמרי ומבקשים שכר כפנחס (''Al tifkhadi maPerushim, v'lo mimmi sh'einam Perushim, im lo tzu'im Perushim, shemma'aseihem k'ma'ase Zimri um'vaqqeshim sakar k'Finekhas'') ** Translation: Do not be afraid of the Pharisees, nor those who are not Pharisees, rather, the hypocrites who appear like Pharisees, as their actions are like the act of Zimri, and they request a reward like Phinehas. ** Who: [[w:Jannaeus|Alexander Jannaeus]], second king of Hasmonean Judea * I want the world to be filled with white fluffy duckies. ** Who: [[w:Derek Jarman|Derek Jarman]] * ''Allahu Akbar.'' ** Translation: Allah is the greatest. ** Who: [[Ziad Jarrah]], hijacker-pilot of United Airlines Flight 93. *** Note: Jarrah repeatedly said these words as Flight 93 was falling towards the ground near Shanksville, Pennsylvania and kept saying them until the plane crashed. * I am dying. Please ... bring me a toothpick. ** Who: [[Alfred Jarry]], absurdist writer and playwright. *** Note: These last words, for a time, were considered a final expression of his absurdist humor; a doctor asserted that they were perfectly understandable due to his dehydration. * What's left to say? I have said thank you in every way I know how. ** Who: [[w:Rick Jeanneret|Rick Jeanneret]], hockey announcer * "Is it the Fourth?" [''Doctor Robley Dunglison: "It soon will be."''] I resign my spirit to God, my daughter to my country. Lord, now lettest Thou, Thy servant depart in peace. ** Who: [[Thomas Jefferson]], 3rd President of the United States. ** Jefferson died on July 4, 1826. This was the 50th Anniversary of the signing of the [[w:United States Declaration of Independence|American Declaration of Independence]], which was written mostly by Thomas Jefferson. Jefferson's great political rival, [[John Adams]] — later a correspondent and friend — died the same day a few hours later. Among Adams' last words were the utterance of Thomas Jefferson's name. * מרמה אחזיה (''Mirmah Akhazya'') ** Translation: This is treachery, Ahaziah! ** Who: [[w:Joram of Israel|Joram of Israel]] * Finally this evening, a brief note about change. Some of you have noticed in the last several days that I was not covering the Pope. While my colleagues at ABC did a superb job, I did think a few times I was missing out. However, as some of you now know, I have learned in the last couple of days that I have lung cancer. Yes, I was a smoker until about 20 years ago, and I was weak and I smoked over 9/11. But whatever the reason, the news does slow you down a bit. I have been reminding my colleagues today, who've all been incredibly supportive, that almost 10,000,000 Americans are already living with cancer, and I have a lot to learn from them. And "living" is the key word. The National Cancer Institute says that we are survivors from the moment of diagnosis. I will continue to do the broadcast, on good days; my voice will not always be like this! Certainly it's been a long time, and I hope it goes without saying that a journalist who doesn't value deeply the audience's loyalty should be in another line of work. To be perfectly honest I'm a little surprised at the kindness today from so many people, that's not intended as false modesty, but even I was taken aback by how far and how fast news travels. Finally, I wonder if other men and women ask their doctors right away, "Okay, Doc, when does the hair go?" At any rate, that's it for now on ''World News Tonight''. Have a good evening; I'm Peter Jennings. Thanks, and good night. **Who: [[Peter Jennings]], Canadian-American journalist and news anchor; longtime host of ABC's ''World News Tonight''. ** Note: Said this during his final broadcast four months before his death from lung cancer on August 7, 2005. Although these are not his actual last words, they are the last words heard by the public. * אבי באידיך סאם אנא רוחי הדא (''Abi b'idhaich sa'eim ana rukhi hadei'') ** Translation: Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit. (Luke 23:46, quoting Psalm 31:5) * אלהי אלהי למה שבקתני (''Elohi, Elohi, lama sabactani?'') ** Translation: My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? (Mark 15:34 and Matthew 27:46, quoting Psalm 22:1) *I thirst (John 19:28) * הא משׁלם (''Ha m'shalam'') ** Translation: It is finished. (John 19:30; utterance mentioned, but not quoted, in Matthew 27:50 and Mark 15:37) ** Who: [[Jesus]], messianic central figure of the religion of Christianity **The exact sequence of events differs somewhat in details among the four canonical Gospels. All four gospels agree that Jesus made a loud utterance immediately before dying and after the centurions overseeing his crucifixion offered him vinegar to drink, with three of the four (Matthew, Mark and John) stating the utterance and death came immediately after drinking the vinegar; John reports it as meaning "it is finished", while Matthew and Mark only describe it as a noise. The often cited vocalization of "Elohi" as "Eloi" in Matthew and Mark, which comes from the last intelligible words Jesus is said to have uttered before being served the vinegar, comes from the original Greek translation; ancient Greek lacked the <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[w:Voiceless glottal fricative|h]]<nowiki>]</nowiki> sound the Aramaic word uses. "Eloi" is also interchangeable with "Eli" (אלי), which is sometimes cited, and was noted to have caused a misunderstanding by bystanders who thought he was summoning the Old Testament prophet Elijah. The Gospel of Luke's account of the period between the consumption of vinegar and his death is much longer, including a conversation with one of his fellow condemned, before closing with the loud utterance being the quote from Psalm 31; this story has no parallel in any of the other gospels. * ?השלום, זמרי הרג אדניו (''Hashalom Zimri hoger 'adonav?'') ** Translation: Peace, Zimri, murderer of your master? ** Who: [[w:Jezebel|Jezebel]] *** Note: These words were spoken to Jehu, the general of Israel's army, who had killed the reigning kings of Israel and Judah, the former being Jezebel's husband, after the prophet Elisha had secretly anointed him king. Zimri was the name of another great Israelite general, who around 40 years prior had also murdered the reigning king and took the throne, reigning for a week before committing suicide. * 我死，现在知道我是谁. (''Wǒ sǐ, xiànzài zhīdào wǒ shì shéi.'') ** Translation: I die knowing now who I am. ** Who: [[Billy Ji]], Chinese psychoanalyst. *** Note: Died of liver cirrhosis. *Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow. ** Who: [[Steve Jobs]], Apple CEO. *** Note: His last statement was recorded by his sister on his deathbed. [http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/30/opinion/mona-simpsons-eulogy-for-steve-jobs.html?_r=1 NewYorkTimes]. * ''Ich grüße dich, mein ewiges Deutschland.'' ** Translation: I greet you, my eternal Germany. ** Sometimes reported as: My greetings to you, my Germany. ** Who: [[Alfred Jodl]], Nazi military officer *** Note: Jodl made this statement before he was executed by hanging. * I will see you tomorrow, if God wills it. ** Who: [[Pope John Paul I]], an hour before he died of a heart attack. * ''Pozwólcie mi pójść do domu Ojca.'' * ''Amen.'' ** Translation: *** Let me go to the house of the Father. *** Amen. ** Who: [[Pope John Paul II]], uttered in his papal apartments, six hours before he died, with the latter before the moment of death. * ''Absit, ut rex Boemie fugeret, sed illuc me ducite, ubi maior strepitus certaminis vigeret, Dominus sit nobiscum, nil timeamus, tantum filium meum diligenter custodite.'' ** Translation: Far from it that the King of Bohemia flee, but to get there lead me where there is greatest uproar of the fight in vigor; the Lord is with us, we must fear nothing, only keep my son diligently. ** Who: [[w:John I of Bohemia|John the Blind of Luxembourg]] at [[w:Battle of Crécy|the Battle of Crécy]] *** Note: Often paraphrased to Never by God will that be that a King of Bohemia flees from the battle., or some variant. * My right side is paralyzed. I need no doctor. I can overcome my own troubles. ** Who: [[Andrew Johnson]], 17th President of the United States *** Note: Spoken to his granddaughter, who was about to send for a doctor. * P.S. I LOVE MY FRIENDS YOU ARE FAMILY ! GOD LOVES ALL PEOPLE NO MATTER WHAT ! ** Who: [[w:Dan Johnson (Kentucky politician)|Dan Johnson]], Republican member of the Kentucky House of Representatives *** Note: Taken from a suicide note from Facebook. On December 13, 2017, Dan shot himself in the head following allegations in which he was accused of having molested a woman at his church. * Send Mike immediately! ** Who: [[Lyndon B. Johnson]], 36th President of the United States *** Note: Said to a Secret Service agent over an in-house telephone. He had suffered a heart attack, and called for Mike Howard, another Secret Service agent, before losing consciousness. * God Bless you, my dear! ** Who: [[Samuel Johnson]] * Vancouver! Vancouver! This is it! This is — ** Who: [[w:David A. Johnston|David A. Johnston]], volcanologist with the [[w:United States Geological Survey|United States Geological Survey]]. Last radio transmission before being killed in the May 1980 eruption of [[w:Mount St. Helens|Mount St. Helens]]. * ''Aludni akarok.'' ** Translation: I want to sleep. ** Who: [[w:Mór Jókai|Mór Jókai]] ** As quoted in ''Dictionary of Last Words'' (1955) by Edward S. LeComte. LeComte cites ''Budapest Daily Szabad Ifjusag'' May 4, 1954, on authority of Mr. Istan Csicsery-Ronay. {{cite book |title= Dictionary of Last Words|last= LeComte|first= Edward S. |year= 1954|publisher= Philosophical Library.|location= New York, NY}}. * This is it! I'm going. I'm going. ** Who: [[w:Al Jolson|Al Jolson]] * HMO's are in it for the money. Live free, love safe or die. ** Who: [[w:Daniel V. Jones|Daniel V. Jones]], on a banner he presented on a Los Angeles freeway shortly before shooting himself on live television in May 1998. Jones had previously expressed resentment at his HMO for their inadequate treatment of his cancer and HIV-infection. * ''...take our life from us, we laid it down, we got tired. We didn't commit suicide. We committed an act of revolutionary suicide protesting the conditions of an inhumane world.'' ** Who: [[w:Jim Jones|Reverend James Warren "Jim" Jones]], founder and leader of the [[w:Peoples Temple|Peoples Temple]]. *** Note: These words were part of a recording on an audiocassette found at the People's Temple compound in Guyana after the mass suicide of 1978. While he may have shot himself after the tape ran out, these were his last recorded words. [http://www.archive.org/details/ptc1978-11-18.flac16 The Jonestown Death Tape (FBI No. Q 042)] at the [http://www.archive.org Internet Archive]. * 매우 고통스러운, 매우 고통스러운, 나는 액체가 뿌려졌다. (''Maeu gotongseuleoun, maeu gotongseuleoun, naneun aegchega pulyeojyeosda.'') **Translation: Very painful, very painful, I was sprayed with liquid. ** Who: [[w:Kim Jong-nam|Kim Jong-nam]], half-brother of [[w:Kim Jong-un|Kim Jong-un]]. *** Note: On February 13th, 2017, Jong-nam was attacked at Kuala Lumpur International Airport by two women with a VX nerve agent. He then staggered around 15m to a service counter for help and uttered these words before collapsing and being taken to a hospital, where he later died. [https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/2887520/last-words-brother-north-korea-assassination-kim-jong-nam/] * Does nobody understand? ** Who: [[James Joyce]] * In death as in life, I defy the Jews who caused this last war, and I defy the power of darkness which they represent. I warn the British people against the crushing imperialism of the Soviet Union. May Britain be great once again and the hour of the greatest danger in the West may the standard be raised from the dust, crowned with the words – you have conquered nevertheless. I am proud to die for my ideals and I am sorry for the sons of Britain who have died without knowing why. ** Who: [[w:William Joyce|William Joyce]], Irish-American fascist, Nazi collaborationist and propaganda broadcaster known as "[[w:Lord Haw-Haw|Lord Haw-Haw]]" *** Note: Joyce made this statement prior to his execution by hanging for treason. * ''Jésus, Jésus, Jésus!'' ** Translation: Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! ** Who: [[Joan of Arc]] * Ηρακλής! Πώς κρύο λουτρό σας! (''Herakles! Pos krýo loutró sas!'') ** Translation: Hercules! How cold your bath is! ** Who: [[w:Jugurtha|Jugurtha]], King of Numidia. *** Note: He spoke this as he was thrown into a Roman dungeon to starve to death. There is a play on words, a "Bath of Hercules" being an ancient Greek expression for a hot spring. * ''Vicisti, Galilæ'' ''or'' ''νενίκηκάς με, Γαλιλαῖε'' ''(neníkikás me, Galilaíe)'' ** Translation: You have won, Galilean. ** Who: [[Julian (emperor)|Emperor Julian]], having attempted to reverse the official endorsement of Christianity by the Roman Empire. * [''"Is the man in the bathroom wit u"''] He's a terror. Yes. ** Who: Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, a victim of the Orlando nightclub shooting *** Note: Justice send these as a text message to his mother before he was shot by the gunman. He died from his injuries. =K= * ''Espero que la salida sea alegre y espero no volver jamás.'' ** Translation: I hope the exit is joyful and hope never to return. ** Who: [[Frida Kahlo]] * ''Aue, he kanaka au, eia i loko o ke kukonukonu o ka maʻi!'' ** Translation: Alas, I am a man who is seriously ill! ** Who: [[w:Kalākaua|Kalākaua]], last King and second-to-last monarch of Hawaii *** Note: "Tell my people I tried," which was more popularly mistaken as his last words, was actually a quote invented by Eugene Burns in his biography of Kalākaua, ''The Last King of Paradise'', published in 1952. *''E ʻoni wale no ʻoukou i kuʻu pono ʻaʻole e pau.'' ** Translation: Endless is the good that I have given you to enjoy. ** Who: [[w:Kamehameha I|Kamehameha I]], first King of Hawaii *Nearly 100 frank opinions every day. I couldn't deny that I was hurt. I'm dead. Thank you for giving me a mother. It was a life I wanted to be loved. Thank you to everyone who supported me. I love it. I'm weak, I'm sorry. I don't want to be a human anymore. It was a life I wanted to be loved. Thank you, everyone. I love you. Bye. ** Who: [[w:Hana Kimura|Hana Kimura]], professional wrestler ** Kimura's suicide note. *''Es ist gut.'' ** Translation: It is good. ** Who: [[Immanuel Kant]] *Don't worry...it's not loaded... ** Who: [[w:Terry Kath|Terry Kath]], rock musician in the band Chicago ** Context: As he put the gun he was cleaning to his head and pulled the trigger. Though the gun had no magazine in it, Kath was unaware that a bullet was already in the chamber; he was killed instantly. * ''Ille facit.'' ** Translation: He will do it. ** Who: [[w:Karl IX of Sweden |Karl IX of Sweden]] *** Note: Said about his son, Gustavus Adolphus the Great, who made Sweden a great power. * ''Herre Jesus, anamma min ande.'' ** Translation: Lord Jesus, receive my spirit. ** Who: [[w:Karl XI of Sweden |Karl XI of Sweden]] * ''Var intet rädd.'' ** Translation: Don't be afraid. ** Who: [[w:Karl XII of Sweden |Karl XII of Sweden]] *** Note: Said to his officers when they expressed concern about him being in the trenches under the siege of Fredriksten. Minutes later he was killed. * ''Oscar, Oscar, nous nous défendrons.'' ** Translation: Oscar, Oscar, we shall defend ourselves. ** Who: [[w:Charles XIV John|Karl XIV Johan]] of Sweden-Norway *** Note: Said to his son, crown prince Oscar. * ''Kommer jag att plågas mycket?'' ** Translation: Will I be in much pain? ** Who: Karl XV of Sweden-Norway * Walter Pidgeon. ** Who: English actor [[w:Boris Karloff|Boris Karloff]] *** These were the final words he was heard to speak as he drifted in and out of sleep on his final day. It confused and distressed his wife Evie, since Karloff hadn't mentioned Pidgeon in years. * Brett, whatever happens, I'm okay with it. ** Who: [[Toby Keith]], American country music singer. *** "Brett" was [[w:Brett Favre|Brett Favre]], with whom he was on the phone shortly before his death.<ref>[https://www.tmz.com/2024/02/08/brett-favre-spoke-toby-keith-before-death-he-was-tired/ Brett Favre says he spoke with Toby Keith days before his death, 'He Was Just Tired']. ''TMZ''. Retrieved February 10, 2024.</ref> * Ah, well, I suppose it has come to this... Such is life. ** Who: Australian bush ranger [[Ned Kelly]] as he was hanged in the Melbourne Jail on November 11th 1880. * I wish I could go with you. ** Who: [[Walt Kelly]], Cartoonist *** Note: Spoken to his wife, Selby Kelly, as she visited him in the hospital. According to her, he was lapsing in and out of consciousness. She told him she was going for coffee, unaware if he could hear her, and he said those words. She stayed by his side until he died from diabetes complications. * No, you certainly can't. ** Who: [[John F. Kennedy]], 35th President of the United States. *** Note: Said in response to [[w:Nellie Connally|Nellie Connally]], who had commented "You certainly can't say Dallas doesn't love you, Mr. President.", in reference to Dallas' heavy Republican presence. * Don't lift me. ** Who: [[Robert F. Kennedy]] *** Note: Spoken to medical attendants when lifted onto a stretcher and seconds before he fell into a coma. He died in the early morning hours of the next day. * These last few days are among the happiest I've ever ignored. ** Who: [[w:Douglas Kenney|Douglas Kenney]], founder of National Lampoon magazine *** Note: Written on the back of a hotel receipt, with a bunch of random thoughts and the reasons he loved his girlfriend. * ''Allein durch die Verdienste Jesu Christi, unseres Erlösers.'' ** Translation: Solely by the merits of Jesus Christ, Our Saviour. ** Who: [[Johannes Kepler]] * Stella, I'm bleeding...Help me...Stella, I love you. **Who: [[Jack Kerouac]] *** Note: These were his last known words to his wife Stella, shortly after starting to hemorrhage following decades of heavy drinking, and while on his way to St. Anthony's Hospital, St. Petersburg, Florida, where he would die early the next morning, October 21, 1969 * I'll be in Hell before you start breakfast! Let her rip! ** Who: [[w:Tom Ketchum|Tom "Black Jack" Ketchum]], notorious train robber *** Note: Said after springing up the gallow steps to his execution; the rope was too long, and he was decapitated. [http://www.anecdotage.com/index.php?aid=12112][http://therecord.blogs.com/it_gets_weirder/2006/10/exit_strategies.html] * Climb to one five thousand. ** Who: Ralph G. Kevorkian, captain aboard [[w:TWA Flight 800|TWA Flight 800]]. *** Note: Routine acknowledgement of ATC instructions from Boston Center, ordering the flight to climb to 15000 feet. Forty-four seconds later, a short circuit ignited fuel vapors from the plane's central fuel tank, blowing up the aircraft mid-flight. * I should have drunk more Champagne. ** Who: [[John-Maynard Keynes]] *I'm suffocating...take this bag off my head! I'm claustrophobic! ** Who: [[w:Jamal Khashoggi|Jamal Khashoggi]] *** Note: These were the words that Khashoggi allegedly said as he was being tortured by Saudi Arabian government agents inside the Saudi consulate in Istanbul, Turkey. Some accounts claim that his last words were simply "I cannot breathe." * Never regret that you lived in stormy times and worked with me in the Central Committee. We will yet be remembered! ** Who: [[w:Nikita Khrushchev|Nikita Khrushchev]] *** Note: Spoken to his son-in-law and former aide Alexei Adzhubei mere days before he died in hospital of a heart attack. * I love you. Take care of the boys. ** Who: [[Larry King]] *** Note: Spoken to his wife Shawn before his life was taken by sepsis. * Be sure to play "Blessed Lord" tonight — play it real pretty. ** Who: [[Martin Luther King Jr.]] * I don't want to die. I don't want to die. * But why? * Okay, Okay, Okay. ** Who: [[w:Sam Kinison|Sam Kinison]] *** Note: Words spoken by the comedian as he lay on the ground after a car wreck. Witnesses have reported that it was like he was having a conversation with someone he knew. Whatever voice was talking to him gave him the right answer and he just relaxed with it. He said it so sweet, like he was "talking to someone he loved." Kinson then lost consciousness, and efforts to resuscitate him failed. He eventually died at the scene from internal injuries, at the age of just 38 years old. * Counting or not counting gang violence? ** Who: [[Charlie Kirk]] *** Note: Kirk was answering a question from an audience member at a university event when he was fatally shot in the neck. * ''Minä elän.'' ** Translation: I live. ** Who: [[Aleksis Kivi]] * じゃ、お先に。 (''Ja, osakini.'') ** Translation: Now excuse me, I have to go. ** Who: [[w:Satoshi Kon|Satoshi Kon]] *** Note: The last sentence written out in a long letter.<ref>{{Cite web|url=http://konstone.s-kon.net/modules/notebook/archives/565|title=NOTEBOOK »NOTEBOOK» ブログアーカイブ » さようなら - KON'S TONE}}</ref><ref>{{Cite web|url=http://www.makikoitoh.com/journal/satoshi-kons-last-words|title=Satoshi Kon's last words | Makiko Itoh : Not a nameless cat.}}</ref> * Tape ''Seinfeld'' for me. ** Who: [[w:Harvey Korman|Harvey Korman]] * I leave this life with no regrets. It was a wonderful life—complete with the great loves and great endeavors that make it worth living. I am sad to leave, but I leave with the knowledge that I lived the life that I intended. ** Who: [[Charles Krauthammer]] ** From his farewell letter, two weeks before his death from abdominal cancer * May this day bring you rest and peace. ** Who: [[w:Cheslie Kryst|Cheslie Kryst]], 2019 Miss USA ** From her last Instagram post, the day she committed apparent suicide by jumping from a 29-story building. * 私の心と魂は帝国の運命となるでしょう。 (''Watashi no kokoro to tamashī wa teikoku no unmei to narudeshou.'') ** Translation: My heart and soul will be with the fate of the Imperial nation. ** Who: [[w:Tadamichi Kuribayashi|Tadamichi Kuribayashi]] ** context: Although nobody knows exactly how Kuribayashi died, these are the final lines of his last message to Imperial Headquarters. * ''Sag mir, nachdem ich meinen Kopf abgehackt habe, werde ich wenigstens für einen Moment das Geräusch meines eigenen Blutes hören können, das aus meinem Halsstumpf sprudelt? Das wäre die Freude, alle Freuden zu beenden.'' ** Translation: Tell me, after my head is chopped off, will I still be able to hear, at least for a moment, the sound of my own blood gushing from the stump of my neck? That would be the pleasure to end all pleasures. ** Who: [[w:Peter Kürten|Peter Kürten]] * ''Vurmayın öldüm!'' ** Translation: Don't hit me, I am dying! *** Who: [[w:Ali İsmail Korkmaz|Ali İsmail Korkmaz]], a teenager lynched by pro-government civilians and police during the [[w:Gezi Park protests|Gezi Park protests]] in [[w:Eskişehir|Eskişehir]], Turkey =L= * "Write about yourself—nothing else half so much interests your affectionate<br>⁠"L. E. Maclean." ** Who: [[w:Letitia Elizabeth Landon|Letitia Elizabeth Landon]] *** Note: Close of a letter written shortly before her sudden death from a seizure. * You're right. It's time. I love you all. ** Who: [[w:Michael Landon|Michael Landon]] *** Note: In response to his son, who told him it was time to let go and move on. * I must get to the station. ** Who: [[w:Cosmo Lang|Cosmo Lang]] * I'm a fucking doctor. ** Who: [[R. D. Laing]] **He suffered a fatal heart attack in public, and as people gathered round the spot someone said 'Get a doctor.' * Whatever God wants is fine by me. I've had the very best life, I have tasted beauty. ** Who: [[w:Scatman John|John Larkin]], a.k.a. "Scatman John" * I am going to the inevitable. ** Who: [[Philip Larkin]] * We're approaching the intersection! We're approaching the intersection! We're approaching the intersection! Hold on. Pray. Oh shoot, there's- oh! Oh! Oh! OH- ** Who: Chris Lastrella *** Note: Lastrella contacted 911 after the Lexus in which he, his sister Cleofe, and her husband and daughter were travelling in began to accelerate uncontrollably. The vehicle approached the end of the freeway at approximately 120mph, collided with a turning vehicle, and crashed into a dirt embankment. All four occupants were killed. Toyota later recalled 4.5 million vehicles owing to "sticky accelerators" on floor mats. * I wish I was skiing. [''Nurse: "Oh, Mr. Laurel, do you ski?"''] No, but I'd rather be skiing than doing what I'm doing. ** Who: [[w:Stan Laurel|Stan Laurel]], before dying of a heart attack. * Love y'all. Peace. ** Who: [[w:Chyna|Joanie "Chyna" Laurer]] *** Note: The last known words that were spoken at the end of a video blog posted on her YouTube account. * Tell the men to fire faster! Don't give up the ship! Fight her till she sinks! ** Who: [[w:James Lawrence|James Lawrence]], later used as naval ensign by his friend [[Oliver Hazard Perry|Commodore Perry]]. According to ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989), the only documented source is the blue battle-flag inscribed with these words ordered and used by [[Oliver Hazard Perry]] as a signal during the battle of Lake Erie, September 10, 1813. Although popularly attributed to Captain James Lawrence as his dying words during a battle with a British frigate off the coast of Boston on June 1, 1813, there remains the possibility these words were not his, but those of someone reporting the battle. For other attributed sources and theories, see Burton Stevenson, ed., ''Macmillan Book of Proverbs, Maxims, and Famous Phrases'' (1965), p. 2091; Charles C. Bombaugh, ''Facts and Fancies for the Curious'' (1905), p. 388–89; William S. Walsh, ''Hand-Book of Literary Curiosities'' (1929), p. 1004–5; ''Dictionary of American History'' (1976), rev. ed., vol. 2, p. 364; and ''Motor Boating'' (October 1965), p. 72. * My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world. ** Who: Hon. [[w:Jack Layton|Jack Layton]], last lines of his final letter to Canadians, written two days before he died and released upon his death * Beautiful. ** Who: [[Timothy Leary]] *** Note: Leary had repeatedly said "Why not." with various inflections prior to this, these are often reported as his final words. * Katie, Katie, look... it'll be fine, you know, I just need to get some sleep. ** Who: [[Heath Ledger]] *** Note: According to his father, Ledger's sister was on the phone with the actor, telling him it's a bad idea to mix sleeping pills with prescriptions. He died shortly after he did just that. * Hello and greetings to you all, wherever you may be. And thank you, as always, for your appreciation and help during my life as an actor. ** Who: [[Christopher Lee]] *** Note: Spoken in a video released shortly before his death in June 2015. * Tell [[w:A.P. Hill|Hill]] he must come up! Strike the tent. ** Who: [[Robert E. Lee]] *** Note: His last words are debated, as his stroke has resulted in [[w:Aphasia|aphasia]], possibly rendering him unable to speak. * God Bless. Take care my boy, Roy. ** Who: [[Stan Lee]] * Вот собака. (''Vot sobaka.'') ** Translation: Good dog. *** Who: [[Vladimir Lenin]], Russian communist statesman and revolutionary. *** Note: This was spoken to his dog, who brought him a dead bird. * Yes, I am. * I'm shot. I'm shot. ** Who: [[John Lennon]] *** Note: Whilst sitting in the back of a police car on the way to the hospital after the officers had asked him if he was John Lennon. While widely reported highly likely doubtful. "Yes, I am," in response to, "Are you John Lennon?" is frequently cited as Lennon's "Last Words." The myth is based on the story that the police officer did not recognize someone as famous as John Lennon (and Yoko would have been present too). This is actually a restatement or twisting of the question the officer did likely ask: "Do you know who you are" which would have been an attempt to determine Lennon's level of consciousness. Different versions have him answering or not in different manners, some state he said he was John Lennon. That is doubtful, Lennon's mouth was bleeding profusely at this point. More likely, the alternative version is accurate, that Lennon slightly nodded (or appeared to nod) and could only manage a gurgling sound from his throat before he lost consciousness totally. This concurs with reports of levels of severity of his injuries. Lennon's blood loss was so great, before the police arrived that the concierge at The Dakota realizing the severity of the injuries, simply covered Lennon with his uniform's jacket and removed his blood covered glasses then summoned police. Also, Lennon's last words of "I'm shot" were spoken seconds after he was shot as he staggered a number of steps toward the lobby of the Dakota. Sources for this include discussion in the Last Words reference book, Last Words of Notable People -- Final Words of More than 3500 Noteworthy People Throughout History by William B. Brahms which also cites the Lennon biography, John Ono Lennon Volume 2, 1967-1980 by Ray Coleman ). {{cite book |title= Last Words of Notable People: Final Words of More than 3500 Noteworthy People Throughout History|last= Brahms|first= William B. |year= 2010|publisher= [[Reference Desk Press, Inc]]|location= Haddonfield, NJ|isbn= 978-09765325-2-1|page= 399}}; {{cite book |title= John Ono Lennon Volume 2, 1967-1980 |last= Coleman|first= Ray |year= 1984|publisher= [[Sidgwick & Jackson]]|location= London|isbn= 978-07088274-0-6}}. * Ah, shit. ** Who: [[w:Marc Lépine|Marc Lépine]], perpetrator of the [[w:École Polytechnique massacre|École Polytechnique massacre]]. *** Note: Heard to have said these words shortly after stabbing his final victim, before committing suicide using his own rifle. * ''Anna viiniä.'' ** Translation: Give me wine. ** Who: [[w:Juice Leskinen|Pauli Matti Juhani "Juice" Leskinen]], Finnish musician, songwriter and poet. *** Note: According to his wife, Leskinen said these words to her before he was taken into an ambulance, where he lost consciousness and died later in a hospital. *So hard to die. **Who: [[w:Meriwether Lewis|Meriwether Lewis]] *It's complete surrender. **Who: [[w:Eric Liddell|Eric Liddell]] * We had a good run. ** Who: [[Gordon Lightfoot]], Canadian folk singer.<ref>[https://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/music/article-gordon-lightfoot-death-appreciation/ We never had to read Gordon Lightfoot’s mind, we had his songs]. ''The Globe and Mail''. May 2, 2023.</ref> * ''Opfer müssen gebracht werden!'' ** Translation: Sacrifices must be made! ** Who: [[Otto Lilienthal]] pioneer of human aviation, after on 9 August 1896 a gust of wind fractured his wing and he fell from a height of 17 m (56 ft), breaking his spine. These were his last words to his brother before he succumbed to the injury. * I love you, too. Big time. ** Who: [[Rush Limbaugh]], American radio host and political commentator. ** To his brother [[w:David Limbaugh|David Limbaugh]], shortly before losing consciousness for the final time.<ref>Limbaugh, David. [https://townhall.com/columnists/davidlimbaugh/2021/04/09/goodbye-to-my-brother--for-now-n2587628 Goodbye to my brother -- for now]. ''Townhall.com'' (Salem Web Network). Retrieved April 10, 2021.</ref> * Dad, Dad, someone is shooting. ** Who: [[w:2011 Norway attacks|Gunnar Linaker]] *** Note: Linaker, 23, was calling his father from the Labor Youth Party camp in Norway on July 22, 2011 when he noticed [[w:Anders Behring Breivik|a gunman]] shooting before he hung up. Linaker was among the 69 victims in the shooting. * She won't think anything about it. ** Who: [[Abraham Lincoln]], 16th President of the United States, as quoted in ''Famous Last Words‎'' (1961) by Barnaby Conrad *** Note: Stated after Mary Lincoln had asked him what Clara Harris sitting next to them might think of them holding hands. A secondary account is offered by one of Lincoln's confidants, the Reverend Noyes W. Miner, who officiated the president's funeral, who claimed that Mary had told him Lincoln's final words expressed a desire to visit the 'Holy Land': "How I should like to visit Jeru(salem).", with Lincoln being shot in the middle of the word "Jerusalem". * Keep up the fire! ** Who: U.S. Army Colonel [[w:Emerson H. Liscum|Emerson H. Liscum]], commander of the [[w:9th Infantry Regiment (United States)|9th Infantry Regiment]], directing his troops after being fatally wounded during the [[w:Battle of Tientsin|Battle of Tientsin]] in China, 1900 *** Note: Liscum's last words became the official motto of the 9th Infantry Regiment. * The bastards got me, but they won't get everybody. ** Who: [[w:Alexander Litvinenko|Alexander Litvinenko]], whistleblowing former Russian spy, who was poisoned in a London sushi bar. *** Note: Said in an interview on [[November 23]], 2006, hours before his death. (''The Times'', [[November 24]], 2006) * I think I'm going to make it! ** Who: [[w:Richard Loeb|Richard Loeb]], half of the famous murderers Leopold and Loeb; said after being slashed ninety times with a razor by a fellow inmate. * Hey - what's happening here? ** Who: Captain Robert Loft of [[w:Eastern Air Lines Flight 401|Eastern Air Lines flight 401]] *** Note: The December 29, 1972 crash of Eastern Air Lines flight 401 was a result of the flight crew's failure to recognize a deactivation of the autopilot during their attempt to troubleshoot a malfunction of the landing gear position indicator system. As a result, the flight gradually lost altitude while the flight crew was preoccupied and eventually crashed. It was the first crash of a wide-body aircraft and, at the time, the deadliest in the United States. * ''Muero con mi patria!'' ** Translation: I die with my country! ** Who: [[w:Francisco Solano Lopez|Francisco Solano Lopez]] *** Note: Died during the Battle of Cerro Cora on March 1, 1870. * This is for you! ** Who: [[w:Ricardo López (stalker)|Ricardo López]], the "Björk stalker" *** Note: López, a crazed Björk fan disgruntled by her relationship with Goldie, recorded a video diary detailing his obsession and plans to kill Björk with a letter bomb. In the last videotape, López mailed the bomb and planned to kill himself to avoid arrest. Towards the end of the video, López played the song "I Remember You", uttered his last words at the end of the song, and shot himself in the mouth. * Allah, save this country! ''Pakistan zindabad!'' ** Translation: "Pakistan zindabad" means "Long live Pakistan." ** Who: [[w:Liaquat Ali Khan|Liaquat Ali Khan]], first Prime Minister of Pakistan, spoke to the nation before being shot. * Don't let me die, I have got so much to do. ** Who: [[Huey Long]], "The Kingfish", American politician, Governor of and Senator from Louisiana * ''Huz! Huz!!'' ** Translation: Get out! Get out! ** Who: [[w:Louis the Pious|Louis the Pious]], second Carolingian emperor * ''Je m'en vais, mais l'État demeurera toujours.'' ** Translation: I am going, but the State shall always remain. ** Who: [[Louis XIV]] of France *** Note: Another biographer has him saying "Why do you weep? Did you think I was immortal?". * I die innocent of all the crimes laid to my charge; I Pardon those who have occasioned my death; and I pray to God that the blood you are going to shed may never be visited on France. ** Who: [[w:Louis XVI|Louis XVI]] of France, d. January 21, 1793 *** Note: He was executed by guillotine. * A King should die standing. ** Who: [[w:Louis XVIII|Louis XVIII]], King of France, d. 1824 *** Note: Louis XVIII suffered from a severe case of gout, which worsened over the years. At the end of his life, the King was wheelchair-bound most of the time. * Sometimes the pain is unbearable. ** Who: [[w: H.P. Lovecraft|Howard Phillips Lovecraft]], American author considered to be one of the most significant 20th-century authors in his genre. *** Note: He spent the last few years of his life dying of malnourishment and cancer of the small intestine. * Tell them, I died game. ** Who: [[w:Frank Gardiner–Ben Hall gang|Fred Lowry]], Australian bushranger d. 1863 *** Note: Lowry died from his wounds after shootout with Police near Crookwell, New South Wales. * Never drive at night. ** Who: [[w:Joseph Lucas|Joseph Lucas]], "The Prince of Darkness", Founder of [[w:Lucas Industries|Lucas Industries]], manufacturer of automotive electrical components such as alternators, headlights, etc. which were notorious for unreliability in the early days of automotive engineering. * ''Wir sind Bettler... hoc est verum.'' ** Translation: We are beggars: this is true. ** Who: [[Martin Luther]] *** Note: The phrase "We are beggars" is in German, whereas "this is true" is in Latin. * Life! ** Who: [[w:Peg Lynch|Peg Lynch]], actress and comedienne. [http://www.peglynch.com/biography/] =M= * Boy, fetch my fiddle. ** Who: [[Robert Roy MacGregor]], Scottish folk hero and outlaw. * [''Niece: "What is the matter, Uncle James?"''] Nothing more than a change of mind, my dear. ** Who: [[James Madison]], 4th President of the United States. *** Note: Some accounts have his final words written as "I always talk better lying down." * ''Mozart! Mozart!'' ** Who: [[Gustav Mahler]], according to his wife, Alma. * ''¡Esto lo ha dispuesto así el Dios de Israel para verme cara a cara desde el cielo!'' ** Translation: This is how the God of Israel has arranged to see me face to face from heaven! ** Who: [[w:Francisco Maldonado da Silva|Francisco Maldonado]], a Jewish surgeon and writer killed during the Peruvian Inquisition. *** Note: On the day of his execution, a great storm devastated Lima. *** The ''Jewish Encyclopedia'' gives his last words as, This is the will of the Lord. I shall see the God of Israel face to face.[http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=715&letter=S] * Cheerio! ** Who: Gangster Antonio Mancini when [[Albert Pierrepoint]] had put the noose on his neck. * I'm okay! ** Who: [[w:Field Marshal|Field Marshal]] [[w:Sam Manekshaw|Sam Hormusji Framji Jamshedji Manekshaw]], the first of only two Indian military officers to hold the highest rank of Field Marshal in the [[w:Indian Army|Indian Army]]. * I'm the most famous human being not only that is alive but the most famous human being that has ever lived. And I'm not even dead yet. What do you think is gonna happen when I die? ** Who: [[Charles Manson]], American cult leader and musician * ''Aidez-moi, ma chère amie!'' ** Translation: Help me, my dear friend! ** Who: [[Jean-Paul Marat]], Jacobin publisher of ''L'Ami du Peuple'' (The People's Friend), just after being stabbed by Charlotte Corday * I feel great. ** Who: [[w:Pete Maravich|Pete Maravich]], American basketball player *** Note: Said seconds before his death at a pickup basketball game. * After opening the [[w:Flamingo Las Vegas|@FlamingoVegas]] 71 years ago this week, I always considered myself a Flamingo Girl, and worked there many times. I worked other casino showrooms, but only after I made sure it was okay with "the boys" at the Flamingo. ** Who: [[w:Rose Marie|Rose Marie]], American entertainer; last tweet on her Twitter account before her death was reported via the same medium four hours later. * Money can't buy life. * On your way up, please take me up, on your way down, don't let me down. ** Who: [[Bob Marley]], Jamaican musician. Spoken to his sons Stephen & Ziggy. * Jesus Christ was put to death on the false testimony of those who received money in exchange for the lies they told. Just the same, the state of Ohio has succeeded in its quest for my life by way of perjured testimony and false witnesses who were paid to tell the lies they did. However, there has never been any hate nor desire of revenge in my heart for them, for I know God will repay those for each and every one of their sins that have gone forgotten. ** Who: [[w:Ernest Martin (murderer)|Ernest Martin]], American murderer executed June 18, 2003 for the murder of [[Cleveland]]-area store owner Robert Robinson. *** Note: In the death chamber, Martin spoke about three minutes in what prison officials said was the longest final statement by a condemned inmate since Ohio resumed executions in 1999. The statements were not recorded. Here are some excerpts as transcribed by prison officials: "I know that God is in control and those who are here are not responsible. Just as Jesus Christ was lied on and slandered, so I have been treated the same way. I have no hatred. I know God is in control and I pray that he will forgive us of our sins, forgive the media people watching of their sins and all that they have done. As the Bible says, let those without sin cast the first stone. God forgave us all. To my family, I love you all. I know I did not live a good life. Thank God for allowing my sister and nephew to be here and brother Morgan for his support. Hug Momma for me. Take care family. Take care media. God bless you all."[http://www.clarkprosecutor.org/html/death/US/martin859.htm] * Gentlemen, the uh, camper and the car sitting over to the south of me is covered. It's gonna get me, too. I can't get out of here... ** Who: HAM radio operator Jerry Martin. *** Note: The final transmission of Jerry Martin, reporting on the eruption of [[Mount St. Helens]] {{cite |title=Memories, lessons from mountain's fury |author=Andre Stepankowsky |publisher=The Daily News |place=Longview, WA |date=17 May 2005 |accessdate=9 August 2010}} * Die, my dear? Why, that's the last thing I'll do! ** Who: [[Groucho Marx]], American comedian and actor. * Продолжай, убирайся! Последние слова для дураков, которые не сказали достаточно! (''Prodolzhay, ubiraysya! Posledniye slova dlya durakov, kotoryye ne skazali dostatochno!'') ** Translation: Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven't said enough! ** Who: [[Karl Marx]], asked by his housekeeper what his last words were. * When I am dead, you will find Philip and Calais engraved on my heart. ** Who: [[Mary I of England]], related to her husband and the loss of Calais to France * ''In manus tuas domine confido spiritum meum.'' ** Translation: Into your hands, O Lord, I commend my spirit ** Who: [[w:Mary I of Scotland|Mary I of Scotland]] ** See also: [[Jesus]] * All right. ** Who: [[w:Bat Masterson|William Barclay "Bat" Masterson]], former Wild West gunfighter; he was asked by a fellow reporter of the New York Morning Telegraph about his health after he had been ill with a cold. *** Note: His last written words, on his note pad for the column he was writing, were, No wonder these birds are flying high when they get that kind of money for an hour's work. Just think of an honest, hard-working farmer laboring from daylight to dark for forty years of his life, and lucky if he finishes with as much as one of these birds gets in an hour. Yet there are those who argue that everything breaks even in this old dump of a world of ours. I suppose these ginks who argue that way hold that because the rich man gets ice in the summer and the poor man gets it in the winter things are breaking even for both. Maybe so, but I'll swear I can't see it that way. * Never again. Never again. ** Who: [[w:Bill Masterton|Bill Masterton]] *** Note: Said after he fell backwards and hit his head on the ice after being checked and lost consciousness, and died two days later. He wasn't wearing a helmet at the time; it would be 11 years before the NHL made helmets mandatory. He is currently the only NHL player to die from injuries sustained on the ice. * ''Perdono a todos y pido a todos que me perdonen y que mi sangre, que está a punto de ser vertida, se derrame para el bien de este país. Voy a morir por una causa justa, la de la independencia y libertad de México. ¡Que mi sangre selle las desgracias de mi nueva patria! ¡Viva México!'' ** Translation: I forgive everyone, beg that everyone forgives me as well, and wish that my blood, that is going to be shed now, will benefit the country. Long live Mexico! ** Who: Emperor [[w:Maximilian of Mexico|Maximilian of Mexico]] (executed) * It wasn't worth it. ** Who: [[w:Louis B. Mayer|Louis B. Mayer]], film producer, d. October 29, 1957 * Goodbye to all my dear friends and family that I love. Today is the day I have chosen to pass away with dignity in the face of my terminal illness, this terrible brain cancer that has taken so much from me... but would have taken so much more. The world is a beautiful place, travel has been my greatest teacher, my close friends and folks are the greatest givers. I even have a ring of support around my bed as I type... Goodbye world. Spread good energy. Pay it forward! ** Who: [[w:Brittany Maynard|Brittany Maynard]], American woman with terminal brain cancer who decided that she would end her own life "when the time seemed right." *** Note: Maynard, who advocated for the legalization of aid in dying, wrote this as her final post on Facebook before she took her own life. * I wish I could be with you all today. This is where I'm from. I had my first pro hit here at Rickwood as a Baron in 1948. And now this year, 76 years later, it finally got counted in the record books. Some things take time, but I always think better late than never. Time changes things. Time heals wounds, and that is a good thing. I had some of the best times of my life in Birmingham so I want you to have this clock to remember those times with me and remember all the other players who were lucky enough to play here at Rickwood Field and Birmingham. Remember, time is on your side. ** Who: [[Willie Mays]], American baseball player. *** Note: Statement given to his longtime friend and longtime MLB manager, [[w:Dusty Baker|Dusty Baker]] on the day before his death. * Do not despair of our present difficulties but believe always in the promise and greatness of America, because nothing is inevitable here. Americans never quit. We never surrender. We never hide from history. We make history. Farewell, fellow Americans. God bless you, and God bless America. ** Who: [[John McCain]], U.S. Navy officer, Senator from Arizona and 2008 Republican nominee for President. *** From a statement prepared during the final days of his life, near the end of a prolonged bout with glioblastoma, and released posthumously. * I have had a happy life and thank the Lord. Goodbye and may God bless all! ** Who: [[w:Christopher McCandless|Chris McCandless]], American wanderer and subject of the book ''[[w:Into the Wild|Into the Wild]]''. He wrote a final note on a page from Louis L'Amour's book, ''Education of a Wandering Man'', before dying of starvation on August 18th, 1992. * Daddy flight, save your auxiliary tanks. ** Who: [[w:Thomas McGuire|Thomas McGuire]], fighter ace. *** Note: He attempted to dogfight a Japanese [[w:Nakajima Ki-43|Nakajima Ki-43]] fighter aircraft on low altitude having failed to dump his aircraft's auxiliary tanks, with disastrous results - his aircraft stalled and crashed due to extra weight of the tanks. * Good-bye, good-bye all. It's God's way. His will, not ours, be done. ** Who: [[William McKinley]], 25th President of the United States, assassinated in 1901 * Hold on, timeout for a second. ** Who: [[w:John McSherry|John McSherry]], Major League Baseball umpire. *** Note: McSherry said these words to Cincinnati Reds catcher Eddie Taubensee during the first inning of the 1996 Opening Day game between the Reds and Montreal Expos in Cincinnati. Moments later, while walking towards the tunnel leading to the umpires' dressing room, McSherry suffered a massive heart attack and collapsed. He was pronounced dead at a nearby hospital about an hour later. * We are holding our own. ** Who: [[w:Ernest M. McSorley|Ernest M. McSorley]], last captain of the ill-fated Laker-type freighter ''SS Edmund Fitzgerald''. *** Note: McSorley was captain of the 729-foot Great Lakes freighter ''[[w:SS Edmund Fitzgerald|Edmund Fitzgerald]],'' which was in a storm on Lake Superior. Soon after he said these words, the ship sank and all twenty-nine men aboard were killed. * I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul. ** Who: [[w:Timothy McVeigh|Timothy McVeigh]], perpetrator of the [[w:Oklahoma City bombing|Oklahoma City bombing]]. *** Note: McVeigh chose to quote the final stanza from the poem "Invictus" by William Ernest Henley as his final words before being executed by lethal injection on June 11, 2001. * God bless Captain Vere! ** Who: [[Herman Melville]], author of [[Moby-Dick]] *** Note: A reference from his then-unpublished novel Billy Budd, which was discovered on his desk after he died. * Thank you. ** Who: [[Freddie Mercury]], lead singer of the British rock group [[w:Queen (band)|Queen]].<ref>https://gazette.com/news/queen-glamazon-freddie-mercury-s-long-time-assistant-reflects-on/article_7756562a-7ea9-5aa8-aee2-e46cf449fc97.html</ref><ref>https://au.news.yahoo.com/rahni-sadler-reports-freddie-mercurys-last-words-24244400.html</ref>.<ref>https://au.news.yahoo.com/rahni-sadler-reports-freddie-mercurys-last-words-24244400.html</ref> * "Where are my equipment cooling circuit breakers?" ** Who: Hans-Jürgen Merten, captain of [[w:Helios Airways Flight 522|Helios Airways Flight 522]] ***Note: Shortly after the flight took off, the cabin began to depressurize, as the pressurisation system had not been set to "auto" after a pressurization leak check before takeoff. The flight crew, unaware of the issue, began to suffer from hypoxia. It is believed that Merten's last communication was made while suffering hypoxia's initial symptoms. * It's all been rather lovely. ** Who: [[w:John Le Mesurier|John Le Mesurier]], before slipping into a final coma. *V-1. ** Who: Klaas Meurs *** Note: Klaas Meurs was the First Officer of [[w:Tenerife airport disaster|KLM Flight 4805]], which crashed on take-off on March 27th 1977, killing 583 people when it collided with a Pan Am Boeing 747, killing all 248 on Flight 4805 (including Meurs) and 335 on the Pan Am Aircraft. His last words of "V-1" where the Aviation terminology used when an Aircraft is going too fast to cancel the take-off and must take-off. Eight seconds later, both planes collided. * ''Io do la mia anima a Dio, il mio corpo alla terra, e i miei beni terreni al mio parente più prossimo, caricandoli per ricordare le sofferenze di Gesù Cristo.'' ** Translation: I give my soul to God, my body to the Earth, and my worldly possessions to my nearest of kin, charging them to remember the sufferings of Jesus Christ. ** Who: [[Michelangelo]], Italian sculptor, painter, architect, poet, and engineer of the High Renaissance who exerted an unparalleled influence on the development of Western art. *Fandemonium. ** Who: [[w:Van Miller|Van Miller]], American radio and television sports announcer. *** Note: Miller had been rendered unable to speak due to a stroke a week prior to his death and had been suffering from declining function for several months. That single word, a signature call of his from the 1990s, was reportedly the only thing he said after the stroke and before his death, as reported by a former co-worker of Miller's, [[w:WIVB-TV|WIVB-TV]]'s Jacquie Walker. *Come on out. ** Who: [[Spike Milligan]], British comedian. *Oh God, no! Help! Someone help! ** Who: [[w:Sal Mineo|Sal Mineo]], American actor. *** Note: Stabbed to death. * 動けない... (''Ugokenai...'') ** Translation: Cannot move... ** Who: [[w:Mitsuharu Misawa|Mitsuharu Misawa]], Japanese professional wrestler *** Note: Misawa had taken a belly-to-back suplex from [[w:Akitoshi Saito|Akitoshi Saito]]. When the referee asked whether or not he could move, Misawa replied with the above response. Afterwards, he lost consciousness and was later taken to the hospital, where he died. The official cause of death was listed as a cervical spinal cord injury. * 彼らは私のことを聞いたとは思わない。 (''Karera wa watashi no koto o kiita to wa omowanai.'') ** Translation: I don't think they even heard me. ** Who: [[Yukio Mishima]] (pseudonym of Kimitake Hiraoka), moments before committing ritual suicide ([[w:seppuku|seppuku]]) *** Note: He had addressed the garrison at the Ichigaya Camp, the Tokyo headquarters of the Eastern Command of Japan's Self-Defense Forces, while his followers, the [[w:Tatenokai|Tatenokai]] or "Shield Society", held the Commander hostage. Mishima encouraged the soldiers to launch a military coup and restore the traditional powers of the Emperor. They responded with mocking jeers. Mishima shouted "Long Live the Emperor!" three times, went back inside, and spoke his last words under his breath before performing the ritual self-disembowelment. One of Mishima's followers, a 25-year-old named Masakatsu Morita, tried three times to ritually behead Mishima but failed; his head was finally severed by Hiroyasu Koga. * It tastes bad. ** Who: [[w:Margaret Mitchell|Margaret Mitchell]], upon being given a drink of orange juice while convalescing in a hospital. * Why should I talk to you? I've just been talking with your boss. ** Who: [[Wilson Mizner]], after talking to a priest. * What the hell are we into? We're stuck in it! ** Who: Sten Molin, first officer aboard [[w:American Airlines Flight 587|American Airlines Flight 587]] ** Note: Said as the flight spun out of control following the separation of the stabilizer from the airplane. The plane crashed nine seconds later, killing all 260 passengers and crew (plus five civilians on the ground). * I regret that I should leave this world without again beholding him. ** Who: [[James Monroe]], 5th President of the United States. *** Note: Spoken to a friend about James Madison. * Say good-bye to [[w:Patricia Kennedy Lawford|Pat]], say good-bye to [[John F. Kennedy|Jack]] and say good-bye to [[w:Peter Lawford|yourself]], because you're a nice guy. ** Who: [[Marilyn Monroe]] to actor Peter Lawford. * It has all been very interesting. ** Who: [[w:Lady Mary Wortley Montagu|Lady Mary Wortley Montagu]], English aristocrat, letter writer and poet. ** Source: [[w:Clifton Fadiman|Clifton Fadiman]], ''Some Passing Remarks on Some Passing Remarks'' * Well, now I must go to meet God and try to explain all those men I killed at Alamein. ** Who: [[Bernard Montgomery]], British military commander of World War II. * If you don't like it, you can fuck off! ** Who: [[w:Keith Moon|Keith Moon]], drummer for the British rock group [[w:The Who|The Who]]. He asked his girlfriend to cook him breakfast, but she complained and that made him angry. He died approximately six hours later. * I can hear the music all around me. ** Who: [[w:Dudley Moore|Dudley Moore]], British actor. *Mama. ** Who: [[w:Agnes Moorehead|Agnes Moorehead]], American actress. * I need Kleenex. ** Who: [[w:Erin Moran|Erin Moran]], American actress. ** Likely written or typed, as Moran, due to throat cancer, had lost the ability to speak two months prior. She lost consciousness and died before her husband could return with the tissues. * I think we're off here. ** Who: [[w:Lewis Moran|Lewis Moran]], Australian underworld figure. ** Lewis Moran was drinking at a bar with his friend and associate Bert Wrout. He knew he was a potential target for assassination as his two sons, Jason and Mark, were killed years before. He spotted the gunmen entering the bar and calmly uttered those final words ("off" being an underworld slang for "dead") before being shot in the head. Wrout was also shot, but survived. * Shoot straight, you bastards! Don't make a mess of it. ** Who: [[w:Harry 'Breaker' Morant|Harry Morant]] *** Note: Morant was court-martialed and executed by the British, charged with killing Boer prisoners. To the end he claimed to have been following orders. * This hath not offended the king. ** Who: [[Thomas More]] at the execution block, moving his beard out of the way. * I'm glad that's over. ** Who: [[w:Eric Morecambe|Eric Morecambe]], after going off stage after a solo performance at Stan Stennett's theatre, Tewkesbury, May 28, 1984. * ''Señor, si he hecho bien, tú lo sabes, si mal, me acojo a tu misericordia.'' ** Translation: Lord, if I have done well, You know it; if bad, I take refuge in Your infinite mercy. ** Who: [[w:José María Morelos|José María Morelos]], Mexican independence fighter (executed) * ''Dios no muere!'' ** Translation: God does not die! ** Who: [[w:Gabriel García Moreno|Gabriel García Moreno]], President of Ecuador ** Context: He had been attacked by assassins and had spoken these words after his attack. He reportedly had a favorite saying: "I am only a man who can be killed and replaced, but God does not die." *Pam, are you still there? **Who: [[Jim Morrison]], American poet and lead singer of the [[w:The Doors|Doors]] **Spoken to his girlfriend [[w:Pamela Courson|Pamela Courson]] from the bathtub of his Paris apartment. He died there shortly thereafter. *I should have asked for a stunt double! **Who: [[w:Vic Morrow|Vic Morrow]], American actor **Morrow said this before filming a challenging scene for ''Twilight Zone: The Movie'' with two children and a helicopter. During filming, the helicopter lost control, and fell on the actors. He and one of the two children were decapitated while the other was crushed by the falling helicopter. * אשריך ישראל מי כמוך עם נושע ביהוה מגן עזרך ואשר־חרב גאותך ויכחשו איביך לך ואתה על־במותימו תדרך (''Cht'ashreicha yisra'el mi chamocha, am nosha ba-YHWH, magen ezrecha, va'asher-cherev ga'avatecha; veyikkachashu oyeveicha lach, ve'attah al-bamoteimo tidroch.'') **Translation: Blessed are you, O Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by Yahweh? He is your shield and helper and your glorious sword. Your enemies will cower before you, and you will trample down their high places. ** Who: [[w:Moses|Moses]] *** See also: [[Moses]] * You take me back to Eagle Bridge and you'll get back your stethoscope. ** Who: [[Grandma Moses]], spoken to the physician whose stethoscope she took. * ''Der Geschmack des Todes ist auf meinen Lippen... Ich fühle etwas, das nicht von dieser Erde ist.'' ** Translation: The taste of death is upon my lips...I feel something, that is not of this earth. ** Who: [[Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart]] * .اللَّهُمَّ الرَّفِيقَ الأَعْلَى. اللَّهُمَّ الرَّفِيقَ الأَعْلَى. اللَّهُمَّ الرَّفِيقَ الأَعْلَى (''allāhumma al-rafīq al-'a'lā. allāhumma al-rafīq al-'a'lā. allāhumma al-rafīq al-'a'lā.'') ** Translation: O Allah, the highest companions. O Allah, the highest companions. O Allah, the highest companions. ** Who: [[Muhammad]], Prophet of God in Islam * ''Empiezo a creer que no pretendes contarme entre tus amigos.'' ** Translation: I am starting to believe you are not intending to count me amongst your friends. ** Who: [[Pedro Muñoz Seca]] – Spanish playwright ** Context: Said when he was about to be executed by a squad during the Spanish Civil War. * أنا سوف تغطى جلادي. (''ana sawf tughtaa jaladi.'') ** Translation: I shall overlive my executioner. ** Who: [[w:Omar Mukhtar|Omar Mukhtar]] (also Omar al-Mukhtar), Leader of the Libyan Resistance before being hanged by the Italian fascist Army in Libya, (16 September 1931). * ''Soldati! Fai il tuo dovere! Dritto al cuore ma risparmia il viso. Fuoco!'' ** Translation: Soldiers! Do your duty! Straight to the heart but spare the face. Fire! ** Who: [[w:Joachim Murat|Joachim Murat]], King of Naples sentenced to death for treason during the Napoleonic Wars. *Mom, I'm dying. **Who: [[w:Brittany Murphy|Brittany Murphy]], American actress. * أنا مجروح، أنا مجروح، معدتي (''<nowiki>'</nowiki>ana majruh, 'ana majruh, mu'adati'') ** Translation: I am wounded, I am wounded, my stomach. ** Who: [[w:Yaser Murtaja|Yaser Murtaja]], a journalist killed by Israeli forces during the [[w:2018 Gaza border protests|2018 Gaza border protests]]. * ''Sparami nel petto!'' ** Translation: Shoot me in the chest! ** Who: [[Benito Mussolini]], just as he was shot by a partisan leader. * Well, this is certainly a pleasant surprise. ** Who: [[w:Andrew Mutton|Andrew Mutton]]. (A mobster whose car was riddled with starter motor problems, remarked to his associate when the car started successfully first go. Moments later a bomb rigged to the ignition exploded, killing Andrew and wounding his associate) =N= * ''Biraz dinleneyim!'' ** Translation: Let me rest a bit! ** Who: [[w:Namık Kemal|Namık Kemal]], Turkish poet * Hello, brother. ** Who: [[w:Christchurch mosque shootings|Haji-Daoud Nabi]] *** Note: Said to Christchurch mosque shooter Brenton Tarrant, just before he opened fire. Nabi was the first victim of the shootings. * ''Demek ki böyle ölünürmüş.'' ** Translation: So, this is how we die. ** Who: [[w:Necip Fazıl Kısakürek|Necip Fazıl Kısakürek]], Turkish poet * Некоторая бабочка уже на крыле. (''Nekotoraya babochka uzhe na kryle'') ** Translation: A certain butterfly is already on the wing. ** Who: [[Vladimir Nabokov]], poet. * ''Lenger og lenger mot nord...'' ** Translation: Further and further to the north... ** Who: [[Fridtjof Nansen]], Norwegian explorer, scientist, diplomat, humanitarian and Nobel Peace Prize laureate. *** Note: The first sentence is commonly acknowledged version. The second one is according to his daughter. * ''N'est-il pas vrai que nous n'étions pas lâches à Sedan?'' ** Translation: Isn't it true that we weren't cowards at Sedan? ** Who: [[Napoleon III]], Emperor and founder of the Second French Empire, and last Emperor and monarch of France. * Thank God I have done my duty...Drink drink, fan fan, rub rub. ** Who: British Vice Admiral [[Horatio Nelson]]; This is recorded definitively in an account by Nelson's ship surgeon, Dr. William Beatty. That Nelson said "Kiss me, Hardy", often believed to be "Kismet, Hardy" in his last hours, after being mortally wounded is extensively documented in contemporary accounts, including that of people actually present. That they were not his actual ''last'' words is also extensively documented, though not as clearly in many popular accounts, and they have commonly been mistaken as being his last words. (for more on this see: [[Talk:Horatio Nelson]]) The latter clause mentions how hot and thirsty he was when dying. * Hit me one more time and make it good. ** Who: [[w:Dominick Napolitano|Dominick Napolitano]], American mobster *** Note: Napolitano was sentenced to death by the Mafia for having failed to prevent the infiltration of the Bonanno crime family by FBI informant [[w:Donnie Brasco|Donnie Brasco]]. Napolitano knew he was going to be killed, and he was led into a house where he was shot with a revolver. When the first shot misfired, he uttered those words before being killed. * I don't know what I may seem to the world. But as to myself I seem to have been only a boy playing on the seashore and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me. ** Who: [[Isaac Newton]], British physicist, mathematician and astronomer. * I am in the land of the dying, and I am soon going to the land of the living. ** Who: [[John Newton]], Anglican preacher, abolitionist, and writer of "Amazing Grace." * ''Nei myn Hear ta.'' ** Translation: To my [[God|Lord]]. ** Who: [[Pier Gerlofs Donia]], legendary Frisian freedom fighter and giant folk hero *** Note: After an old enemy of Pier Gerlofs asked him where he'd want to go in afterlife, he answered in Frisian that he wanted to go to his Lord in Heaven. After he'd said this, his condition got worse and he passed away. * ''Sero. Haec est fides.'' ** Translation: It is too late. This is fidelity. ** Who: [[Nero]], Roman emperor. ** Some accounts also have his last words as being "What an artist that dies in me" ("Qualis artifex pereo!") *** Note: This was said when after he committed suicide he saw a guard, who may have been part of the assassination, running toward him thinking he was coming to rescue him. * ''Les soldats, quand je donne l'ordre de tirer, tirent directement sur mon cœur. Attendez la commande. Ce sera mon dernier pour toi. Je proteste contre ma condamnation. J'ai combattu cent batailles pour la France, et pas une contre elle ... Soldats! Feu!'' ** Translation: Soldiers, when I give the command to fire, fire straight at my heart. Wait for the order. It will be my last to you. I protest against my condemnation. I have fought a hundred battles for France, and not one against her... Soldiers! Fire! ** Who: [[w:Michel Ney|Michel Ney]] *** Note: Said before being executed by firing squad following the defeat of his supreme leader, [[w:Napoleon I of France|Napoleon Bonaparte]]. He had been offered a last request, and had asked for the right to give the firing squad the order to fire. * Какие? Какие? (''Kakiye? Kakiye?'') ** Translation: What?! What?! ** Who: [[w:Nicholas II of Russia|Nicholas II of Russia]] *** Note: In the early morning of July 17, 1918, Tsar Nicholas II and his family were led by the Bolsheviks to the half-basement room at the back of the Ipatiev house in hopes that they would be safe from the anti-Bolsheviks' attack on the house. When they were informed that they were condemned to death by the Ural Soviet of Workers' Deputies, his stunning reaction was his final word before he turned to the family and got shot to death in the chest; the rest of the family soon followed him in death. * No, not here! ** Who: Anthony Nightingale, victim of the [[w:Port Arthur massacre (Australia)|Port Arthur massacre]] *** Note: Nightingale yelled these words as the gunman, Martin Bryant pointed his weapon at him. Bryant then killed Nightingale with a shot to the neck. * I love you so much. ** Who: [[w:Harry Nilsson|Harry Nilsson]] *** Note: Said to his wife before going to sleep and dying from heart failure. * A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP ** Who: [[Leonard Nimoy]] *** Note: Final public words, sent in the form of a tweet. The abbreviation ''LLAP'' at the end of the quotation stands for "[[w:Vulcan salute|Live long and prosper]]", a phrase popularized by Nimoy's character [[w:Spock|Spock]] on ''[[w:Star Trek|Star Trek]]''. * Help. ** Who: [[Richard Nixon]], 37th President of the United States *** Note: Said to a housekeeper as he had a stroke. Though he remained alert for a period of time after he was taken to the hospital, he was unable to speak. * ''Demain, je ne serai plus là.'' ** Translation: Tomorrow, I shall no longer be here. ** Who: [[Nostradamus]] * I don't age—I level up. ** Who: [[Chuck Norris]] *** Note: From a video recorded shortly before his death. A reference to the tongue-in-cheek [[w:Chuck Norris facts|Chuck Norris facts]] phenomenon. * Please, brother, please. ** Who: [[w:Murder of Henry Nowak|Henry Nowak]] *** Note: Shortly after being stabbed by Vickrum Digwa, Nowak, who repeatedly told police officers about his injuries, which one of them dismissed, was falsely accused by Digwa of having committed a racially motivated assault against him. While being handcuffed and put under arrest, Nowak said these words before dying from his wounds.<ref>[https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/crlpyw05l75o Murder victim told police 'I can't breathe' while handcuffed]. BBC. Retrieved June 5, 2026.</ref> =O= * I am just going outside. I may be some time. ** Who: Captain [[Lawrence Oates]], on [[Robert Falcon Scott]]'s ill-fated Antarctic expedition, while suffering from frostbite and sheltering from a blizzard, Oates felt he was decreasing his companions' chances of survival. Oates voluntarily left the tent; it was his 32nd birthday. He was never seen again. ** Quoted in R. F. Scott's diary, published as ''Scott's Last Expedition'', ch.20 * ''Más totopos.'' ** Translation: More totopos. ** Who: [[w:Álvaro Obregón|Álvaro Obregón]], Mexican politician. ** Obregón was sitting in a restaurant, and is said to have asked for more totopos (tortilla chips) a few seconds before being shot. * What do I tell the pilot to do? ** Who: [[w:Barbara Olson|Barbara Olson]], American lawyer. *** Note: A victim of the 9/11 attacks, Olson spoke her last words to her husband into her cell phone from inside a locked airplane lavatory. * ''¿Para qué? Estoy bien al nivel de los fusiles.'' ** Translation: Why? I'm right at the height of the rifles. ** Who: [[w:Melchor Ocampo|Melchor Ocampo]], Mexican politician, known for his anticlerical ideas *** Note: Ocampo was rounded up by conservative rebels and sentenced to death. He spoke these words after his executioner ordered him to kneel. * I'd like to thank the Academy for my lifetime achievement award that I will eventually get. ** Who: [[w:Donald O'Connor|Donald O'Connor]], American actor, dancer and singer * ''Do dupy.'' ** Translation: This sucks. ** Who: [[w:Agnieszka Osiecka|Agnieszka Osiecka]], Polish poet and writer. ** To her children on her deathbed. http://www.niniwa2.cba.pl/warszawka-osieckaagnieszka.html. * Going down, 1862, going down, going down, copied, going down? ** Who: Arnon Ohad. *** Note: Ohad was aboard [[w:El Al Flight 1862|El Al Flight 1862]], which crashed into a Dutch apartment complex on October 4, 1992. Ohad spoke these words while communicating with air traffic control. * This isn't ''Hamlet'', you know. It's not meant to go into the bloody ear. ** Who: [[Laurence Olivier]] *** Note: Supposedly said this when a nurse, attempting to moisten his lips, mis-aimed. In [[Shakespeare]]'s play ''Hamlet'', the title character's father is killed when poison is dripped into his ear while asleep. * Yo, what the fuck is going on? * Yo, what the fuck? * Yo, what the fuck is happening? ** Who: Jahseh Dwayne Ricardo Onfroy, aka [[w:XXXTentacion|XXXTentacion]]. *** Note: Claimed last words according to somebody who witnessed Onfroy's murder.<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/XXXTENTACION/comments/8sdgi6/this_what_one_of_the_witnesses_said_about_xs_last/</ref> Precisely which one of these statements the witness heard is unknown. * Pray for us. Pray for us. ** Who: [[w:Betty Ong|Betty Ong]], American Airlines flight attendant *** Note: Ong was a flight attendant on American Airlines Flight 11 on September 11, 2001 who notified the American Airlines ground crew when the plane was hijacked and stayed on the telephone for the final 25 minutes of the flight until the plane crashed into the North Tower of the World Trade Center. * I am in some pain... my hearing and speech are very poor. ** Who: [[J. Robert Oppenheimer]], American theoretical physicist. *** Note: Written in a note a few days before he died. * We still have a lot of work to do together—there is much catching up to keep us busy for a very long time. ** Who: [[w:Alan Osmond|Alan Osmond]], American musician. *** In reference to his brother and collaborator [[w:Wayne Osmond|Wayne Osmond]], who had died a year prior.<ref>[https://www.abc4.com/news/wasatch-front/alon-osmond-dies-77/ Alan Osmond, Eldest Brother of the Osmonds and Renowned Performer, Dies at 76]</ref> * Fuck! Oh God... Oh! ** Who: [[w:Lee Harvey Oswald|Lee Harvey Oswald]], American Marxist and assassin of President John F. Kennedy *** Note: His last recorded words. Oswald was being escorted for transport to a prison following his arrest for assassinating John F. Kennedy. A crowd had gathered around his envoy to photograph the president's assassin, when [[w:Jack Ruby|Jack Ruby]] emerged and shot Oswald once in the chest. He later died in the hospital where Kennedy had been declared dead two days earlier. Prior to the attempted transport, his last statement was "I want to see the American Civil Liberties Union."<ref>{{cite book | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=Dl21EAAAQBAJ | isbn=978-1-4549-1269-9 | title=Lee Harvey Oswald: 48 Hours to Live: Oswald, Kennedy, and the Conspiracy that Will Not die | date=5 November 2013 | publisher=Union Square & Co.|page=[https://books.google.com/books?id=Dl21EAAAQBAJpg=PT121 121] }}</ref> * I knew it! I knew it! Born in a hotel room, and goddamn it, dying in a hotel room! ** Who: [[Eugene O'Neill]], American Nobel-prize winning playwright * Send my love to Irene. Love that leather jacket. I'll come into the studio if you need my time. Talk to you later, bye. ** Who: [[w:Dolores O'Riordan|Dolores O'Riordan]], lead vocalist of [[w:The Cranberries|The Cranberries]]. *** Note: This was a voicemail to her manager, Dan Waite. She died merely hours later from accidental drowning in a bathtub due to sedation by alcohol intoxication. * I love you. ** Who: Poltergeist child actress [[w:Heather O'Rourke|Heather O'Rourke]] to her mother. =P= * Yes, no last words. ** Who: [[w:Elijah Page|Elijah Page]] *** Note: Executed by injection in South Dakota. * Iran is Iran. * Its land, people, and history...Every Iranian has to love it. * Iran is Iran. **Who: [[Mohammad Reza Pahlavi]], the last Shah of Iran ***Note: The Shah, on his hospital bed, was asked to describe his feelings for Iran and its people and to define the country. The Shah, a fervent nationalist, responded with the above statements. He continued on to repeat "Iran is Iran" over and over, before slipping into a final coma.<ref>{{cite book |last1=Cooper |first1=Andrew |title=The Fall of Heaven |page=499}}</ref> * Let me have none of your popish stuff. Get away with you. Good morning. ** Who: [[w:Thomas Paine|Thomas Paine]], pamphleteer, revolutionary, radical and intellectual. Author of ''Common Sense'', ''The Rights of Man'' and ''The American Crisis''. *** Note: Spoken to two clergymen who were trying to lead the famous Deist in a deathbed conversion.{{fact}} *** Also quoted as: I have no wish to believe on that subject. * Is it safe? ** Who: [[w:William Palmer (murderer)|William Palmer]] *** Note: Spoken after looking at the gallows trapdoor prior to his execution by hanging. * Hurry it up, you Hoosier bastard! I could kill a dozen men while you're screwing around! ** Who: [[w:Carl Panzram|Carl Panzram]], serial killer, shortly before he was executed by hanging on September 5, 1930. * And you all are trying to get more and more people and more business leaders involved in this, and talk about, uh, why it's important to get these business leaders involved. ** Who: [[w:Murders of Alison Parker and Adam Ward|Alison Parker]] *** Note: Parker was conducting a live interview about upcoming events for the 50th anniversary of Smith Mountain Lake when she was shot several times a couple of seconds after she said the above line. She was pronounced dead at the scene. * 난 괜찮아. (''Nan gwaenchanha.'') ** Translation: I'm fine. ** Who: [[Park Chung-hee]], 3rd President of South Korea *** Note: Park uttered the above words after [[w:Assassination of Park Chung-hee|being shot]] by Kim Jae-gyu. * I wasn't done. * Who will take care of me now? ** Who: [[w:Jack Parsons|Jack Parsons]], rocket scientist and occultist. * ''Que Dieu ne m'abandonne jamais.'' ** Translation: May God never abandon me. ** Who: [[Blaise Pascal]] * ''Je ne peux pas.'' ** Translation: I cannot. ** Who: [[Louis Pasteur]] *** Note: His response when he was offered a cup of milk. * Napoleon was a great man and a great general. He conquered armies and he conquered nations. But he couldn't jump the Genesee Falls. Wellington was a great man and a great soldier. He conquered armies and he conquered Napoleon, but he couldn't jump the Genesee Falls. That was left for me to do, and I can do it and will! ** Who: Sam Patch, American daredevil, prior to fatal leap from Genesee Falls * This is a hell of a way to die. ** Who: [[w:George S. Patton|George S. Patton]], after being admitted to the hospital after a car accident while out hunting. * Bring me a tin of caviar. ** Who: [[w:Jennifer Paterson|Jennifer Paterson]], member of the ''Two Fat Ladies''. *** Paterson died before her co-star, Clarissa Dickson Wright, arrived with the caviar. * מרן ישוע משׁיחא עם רוחכ טיבותא עמכ אמין (''Maran Yeshu m'shikha am rukhakh taybuta amakh, amin'') ** Translation: The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen. ** Who: [[Paul the Apostle]] ** Traditional closing of Paul's epistles, originally composed in Koine Greek. [[w:Second Epistle to Timothy|2 Timothy]], traditionally the last of Paul's epistles, closes with the variant The Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Grace be with you. Amen. * ''Penso che una vita vissuta per la musica sia un'esistenza spesa meravigliosamente, e questo è ciò a cui ho dedicato la mia vita.'' ** Translation: I believe that a life lived for music is an existence spent wonderfully, and this is what I've dedicated my life to. ** Who: [[Luciano Pavarotti]] * ''Pak mijn zwanenkostuum klaar. Speel die laatste maat heel zachtjes.'' ** Translation: Get my swan costume ready. Play that last measure very softly. ** Who: [[w:Anna Pavlova|Anna Pavlova]] * I said, never mind. ** Who: [[w:Bill Paxton|Bill Paxton]] * ''Que Deus me conceda esses últimos desejos - paz e prosperidade para o Brasil.'' ** Translation: May God grant me these last wishes—peace and prosperity for Brazil. ** Who: [[w:Pedro II of Brazil|Pedro II of Brazil]], second and last Brazilian emperor * I've got a hundred feet on the- ** Who: Ronald Penton, Flight Engineer of Flying Tiger Line Flight 66 *** Penton was the Flight Engineer on [[w:Flying Tiger Line Flight 66|Flying Tiger Line Flight 66]] when it crashed into a Hill on approach to Kuala Lumpur on February 19 1989 killing all four on board. It seems that Penton was likely referring to the radio altimeter warning of their imminent impact with the hill. * Οὐδεὶς γάρ... ἔφη, ‘δι᾽ ἐμὲ τῶν ὄντων Ἀθηναίων μέλαν ἱμάτιον περιεβάλετο. (''Oudeìs gár... éphē, ‘di᾽ emè tôn óntōn Athēnaíōn mélan himátion periebáleto.'') ** Translation: For, no Athenian, through my means, ever wore mourning. ** Who: [[Pericles]], discussing with his friends what his greatest accomplishment had been * ''Eva se va.'' ** Translation: Eva is leaving. ** Who: [[w:Eva Peron|Eva Perón]], Argentinian First Lady * Shoot me up with a big one. ** Who: [[Matthew Perry (actor)|Matthew Perry]], Canadian-American actor *** Note: Instruction given to his assistant, Kenneth Imawasa, to administer a larger than usual dose of ketamine. Imawasa left Perry after administering the ketamine, during which time Perry died in the same hot tub where it was administered.<ref>[https://www.wgrz.com/article/news/nation-world/matthew-perry-final-words-hours-new-details-emerge/507-5eac9df0-908a-4f26-8111-6b3a284faab3?ref=exit-recirc Matthew Perry's last words to assistant revealed as details of star's final days emerge]. ''WGRZ''. Retrieved August 17, 2024.</ref> * I know not what tomorrow will bring. ** Who: [[Fernando Pessoa]], Portuguese poet *** Note: Fernando Pessoa, who was bilingual, wrote his words in English, after losing the ability to speak. * Я верю, Господь, и признаться, помоги моему неверию. (''Ya veryu, Gospod', i priznat'sya, pomogi moyemu neveriyu.'') * Оставьте все... (''Ostav'te vse...'') ** Translation: * I believe, Lord, and confess, help my unbelief. * Leave all to... ** Who: [[Peter I of Russia]] *** Note: According to legend, Peter was filled with remorse about his cruelty to his son during his final days, and said the first line as a prayer prior to his death. There is also another legend that he asked for a pen and paper and then wrote the second line before he asked for his daughter to be summoned and later died. * Запрягайте сани, хочу ехать к сестре. (''Zapryagayte sani, khochu ekhat k sestre.'') ** Translation: Get the sledge ready, I want to go to my sister. ** Who: [[w:Peter II of Russia|Peter II]], Russian emperor *** Note: His sister, Natalia, had died 14 months before him. * Larry! We're going down, Larry! ** Who: First Officer Roger Pettit to Captain Larry Wheaton of [[w:Air Florida Flight 90|Air Florida Flight 90]], January 13, 1982. *** Note: The plane lost altitude after a failed takeoff attempt and struck the 14th Street Bridge over the Potomac River in Washington D.C., killing all but four passengers and one flight attendant. A subsequent investigation determined that the pilots failed to switch on the engines' internal ice protection systems, used reverse thrust in a snow storm prior to takeoff, and failed to abort the takeoff even after detecting a power problem while taxiing and visually identifying ice and snow buildup on the wings. * Και θα κυβερνάτε καλύτερα? (''Kai tha kyvernáte kalýtera?'') ** Translation: And will you rule better? ** Who: [[w:Phocas|Phocas]], Byzantine Emperor, 602 - 610 ** Phocas was defeated by [[w:Heraclius|Heraclius]] in a civil war, and had been abandoned by his supporters as Heraclius and his army arrived at Constantinople. He was captured and brought before the new emperor, who asked him, "Is this how you have ruled, wretch?" When Phocas gave this reply, an enraged Heraclius beheaded him on the spot. * No paparazzi, I want anonymity. ** Who: [[River Phoenix]] * ''Chaque foutue chose que vous faites dans cette vie que vous payez.'' ** Translation: Every damn fool thing you do in this life you pay for. ** Who: [[w:Edith Piaf|Edith Piaf]] *** Note: Piaf spoke these words to her sister, standing at her deathbed. * ''Buvez-moi, buvez à ma santé, vous savez que je ne peux plus boire.'' ** Translation: Drink to me, drink to my health, you know I can't drink any more. ** Who: [[Pablo Picasso]] *** Note: [[Paul McCartney]] paid homage to Picasso in the song [http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/Wings-Paul-Mccartney/Picasso-s-Last-Words-Drink-To-Me.html "Picasso's Last Words (Drink to Me)"], which can be found on the ''[[w:Band on the Run|Band on the Run]]'' album. * يا إلهي, أنا ضج. (''Ya 'ilhy, 'ana daj'') ** Translation: God, I'm bored. ** Who: [[w:Harry St. John Philby|Harry St. John Philby]], Arabist and writer, father of spy Kim Philby. * CQD THIS IS TITANIC CQD THIS IS ** Who: [[w:Jack Phillips (wireless officer)|Jack Phillips]], senior wireless officer of the [[w:Titanic|Titanic]]. ** Note: Last distress call sent out by Phillips to nearby ships at 2:17am ship's time. During this transmission, the power went out and the ship began to split apart. Three minutes after the final transmission, the Titanic sank. Phillips' body was never found. (CQD is the discontinued telegraph code for "General Call - Distress", now replaced with SOS.) * I'm satisfied with my giving. I don't want a bigger suite or a better parking spot. Or yet another honorary degree. I want championships across the board. I hope you understand why, and I hope we get them while I can still savor the victories. ** Who: [[w:T. Boone Pickens|T. Boone Pickens]], oil magnate *** Note: From his final letter to Oklahoma State University. * ''Salten ustedes primero, porque si yo salto con ustedes, el helicóptero les va a caer encima.'' ** Translation: You jump first, because if I jump with you, the helicopter will fall on all of us. ** Who: [[Sebastián Piñera]], former President of Chile *** Note: Piñera was piloting his helicopter across [[w:Lake Ronco|Lake Ronco]] when it crashed, [[w:Death and state funeral of Sebastián Piñera|resulting in his drowning]]. * Lucy... ** Who: [[w:Augusto Pinochet|Augusto Pinochet]], dictator of Chile. *** Note: He was referring to his wife, [[w:Lucia Hiriart|Lucia Hiriart]]. * Oh, my country! How I leave my country! ** Who: [[William Pitt the Younger]]. * ''Instaurare omnia in Christo.'' ** Translation: To restore all things in Christ. ** Who: [[w:Pope St. Pius X|Pope St. Pius X]] * Call Dr. Horder. ** Who: [[Sylvia Plath]], American poet, novelist, and short-story writer. <!-- I'm not comfortable with the [http://www.phrases.org.uk/quotes/last-words/suicide-notes.html source] of this, so if anyone can get a better source, I would much appreciate. --> * I am making my last effort to return that which is divine in me to that which is divine in the Universe. ** Who: [[Plotinus]], Hellenistic philosopher * Lord help my poor soul. ** Who: [[Edgar Allan Poe]] * I love you Sarah. For all eternity, I love you. ** Who: [[James K. Polk]], 11th President of the United States *** Note: He was speaking to his wife on his deathbed. * You want to go to this party? How about this? ** Who: [[Jackson Pollock]], Abstract painter *** Note: Spoken to his two passengers moments before he was killed in a single-car accident. * ''Non ho detto a metà di quello che ho visto.'' ** Translation: I have not told half of what I saw. ** Who: [[w:Marco Polo|Marco Polo]], Venetian traveller and writer * ''Attendez un moment.'' ** Translation: Wait a second. ** Who: [[w:Madame de Pompadour|Madame de Pompadour]], chief mistress of Louis XV of France, applying rouge to her cheeks before her death * Good-bye boys; I die a true American. ** Who: [[w:William Poole|William "Bill the Butcher" Poole]] *** Note: Poole was a member of the New York City gang the Bowery Boys, a bare-knuckle boxer, and a leader of the Know Nothing political movement in the mid nineteenth century. * I've got to stop, I don't feel well. ** Who: [[w:Tyrone Power|Tyrone Power]], American actor *** Note: Power was filming a dueling scene with actor George Sanders in Madrid, Spain for the upcoming film Solomon and Sheba when he was stricken with a heart attack and was pronounced dead on arrival at a hospital a few minutes later. * ''Suci, Slobodan Praljak nije ratni zločinac, s prijezirom odbacujem vašu presudu.'' * ''To je otrov koji sam popio.'' ** Translation: * Judges, Slobodan Praljak is not a war criminal. With disdain, I reject your verdict! * This is poison that I drank. ** Who: [[w:Slobodan Praljak|Slobodan Praljak]] *** Note: Praljak, who was found guilty of crimes during the Croat-Bosniak War and sentenced to 20 years in prison, said the first line above after the judges chose to uphold his sentence. He then pulled out a small bottle filled with cyanide and proceeded to drink its contents. Almost a minute later, he said the second line, which an interpreter translated. The hearings were suspended and Praljak was rushed to the hospital where he died. * Okay, I won't. ** Who: [[Elvis Presley]] *** Note: Those were his last words to fiancée Ginger Alden. Prior to this, he told her, "I'm going to the bathroom to read." As he was on the way to the bathroom, Alden replied, "Don't fall asleep in there." * Are you okay? ** Who: [[w:Killing of Alex Pretti|Killing of Alex Pretti]] *** Note: Said to a woman who had been shoved to the ground by federal agents during a street protest.<ref>[https://www.thenation.com/article/society/alex-pretti-nurse-neighbor-friend/ Alex Pretti Was a Good Man at a Time of Great Evil]. The Nation. Retrieved January 29, 2026.</ref> After Pretti tried to help her, he was pinned down and subsequently shot dead by several agents.<ref>[https://www.nytimes.com/2026/01/24/us/minneapolis-shooting-federal-agents-video.html Videos Show Moments in Which Agents Killed a Man in Minneapolis]. The New York Times. Retrieved January 29, 2026.</ref> * ''Viva Cristo Rey!'' ** Translation: Long live Christ the King! ** Who: [[w:Miguel Pro|Blessed Miguel Pro, S.J.]] *** Note: Said directly before he was executed by firing squad during the [[w:Cristero|Cristero rebellion]] in Mexico. * "Mayday, mayday, mayday, Helios Airways Flight 522, Athens...[unintelligible]..." "Mayday! Mayday!" ** Who: Andreas Prodromou, flight attendant aboard [[w:Helios Airways Flight 522|Helios Airways Flight 522]] *** Note: After the cabin depressurized mid-flight, incapacitating the flight crew (the plane continued to fly in a holding pattern as it was on autopilot) and eventually the passengers, Prodromou survived by utilizing portable oxygen supplies on the plane and gained access to the cockpit, as witnessed by F-16 pilots following the flight. The flight's CVR picked up Prodromou's mayday calls shortly after one engine flamed out, but these were never heard by air traffic control as the flight's radio was tuned to Larnaca ATC (the plane departed from Larnaca, Cyprus). * ''Me l'aspettavo.'' ** Translation: I expected it to happen ** Who: [[w:Pino Puglisi|Pino Puglisi]], Italian priest shot by a Mafia assassin *** Note: Pino Puglisi was reported to have smiled to his killer. * I love you, Kathy. I love [[w:Freddie Prinze Jr.|the baby]], but I need to find peace. I can't go on. ** Who: [[w:Freddie Prinze|Freddie Prinze]], [[w:stand-up comedian|stand-up comedian]] and [[w:actor|actor]], who left a [[w:suicide note|suicide note]] and made a series of phone calls to his friends and family. The last statement was a phone call to his wife. After the call, Prinze pulled out a gun from the sofa and shot himself in the head. * Η πόλη έχει πέσει και είμαι ακόμα ζωντανός. (''I póli échei pései kai eímai akóma zontanós.'') ** Translation: The city is fallen and I am still alive. ** Who: [[w:Constantine XI Palaiologos|Constantine XI Palaiologos]], final Byzantine emperor, before charging into the final battle at the fall of Constantinople to the Turks in 1453. * Are you all right? ** Who: [[w:Ernie Pyle|Ernie Pyle]] *** Note: Said to Lieutenant Colonel Joseph B. Coolidge after the two jumped into a ditch following a burst of Japanese machine gun fire on the island of Iejima. A round from a second burst entered Pyle's left temple, killing him instantly. =Q= * ''Adesso (or ora) vi faccio vedere come muore un italiano!'' ** Translation: Now I will show you how an Italian dies! ** Who: [[w:Fabrizio Quattrocchi|Fabrizio Quattrocchi]], Italian security officer taken hostage in Iraq early in the Iraq War. When his captors came to execute him he rose from his knees, refused to kneel back down, and said these words. * ''Jeg er urettferdig dømt, og jeg dør uskyldig.'' ** Translation: I'm convicted unfairly, and I die innocent. ** Who: [[w:Vidkun Quisling|Vidkun Quisling]], before being executed by firing squad. =R= * ''Je m'en vais chercher un grand peut-être.'' ** Translation: I go to seek a Great Perhaps. *''Tirez le rideau, la farce est jouée.'' ** Translation: Draw the curtain, the farce is played. * ''Beati qui in domino moriuntur.'' ** Translation: Blessed are those who die in the Lord or Blessed are those who die wearing a cloak. ** Who: [[François Rabelais]], major French Renaissance writer, physician, Renaissance humanist, monk and Greek scholar. *** Note: Rabelais is attributed the third pair of last words from having said to have spoken this after wrapping himself in his ''domino'', a Spanish hooded cloak, a word which, in Latin, means lord or master. * כן, כן, זה כואב מאחור, אבל לא נורא (''Khein, khein, zeh ko'eiv mei'akhor, aval lo nora'') ** Translation: Aye, aye, it hurts in the back, but not terribly ** Who: [[w:Yitzhak Rabin|Yitzhak Rabin]], fifth Prime Minister of Israel *** Note: Rabin was assassinated by an Orthodox Jewish extremist in 1995. As such, Israeli media often cited these as his last words: *** אני לא מאמין שזה יהודי (''Ani lo ma'amin shazeh y'hudi'') *** Translation: I can't believe it's a Jew. * You're not gonna make me get rid of him after I put all this work in, right? ** Who: [[w:Mikayla Raines|Mikayla Raines]], American animal rescuer, wildlife rehabilitator and YouTuber. *** Note: Spoken to her husband Ethan in a video uploaded to Raines' [[w:Instagram|Instagram]] account in reference to an area in their house she prepared for a rescued [[w:lemurs|lemur]]. The following day, Ethan publicly announced she had committed suicide several days prior.<ref>[https://people.com/youtuber-mikayla-raines-last-post-before-her-death-showed-her-love-for-animals-11760413 YouTube Star Mikayla Raines' Love for Animals Was on Full Display in Last Post Before Her Death by Suicide at 29]. People. Retrieved April 26, 2026.</ref> * I want to go home. ** Who: [[w:Angela Raiola|Angela Raiola]], American reality television personality. * Strike, man, strike! ** Who: [[Sir Walter Raleigh]], English landed gentleman, writer, poet, soldier, politician, courtier, spy, and explorer. *** To his executioner, as he waited for the axe to fall. * We'll capture the objective. ** Who: [[w:Richhpal Ram|Richhpal Ram]], Indian recipient of the Victoria Cross. * What the devil do you mean to sing to me, priest? You are out of tune. ** Who: [[w:Jean-Philippe Rameau|Jean-Philippe Rameau]], French Baroque composer *** Note: At his bedside, he objected to a song sung. * Thank you all very much, I certainly appreciate it. Goodbye. ** Who: [[Ayn Rand]], Russian-born American novelist, philosopher, playwright, and screenwriter. *** Note: Last known words spoken to the public at a lecture entitled ''The Sanction of the Victims''. * ''Komisch'' ** Translation: Funny, comical; strange ** Who: [[w:Otto Rank|Otto Rank]] *** Note: German/American Psychoanalyst, cited By E. J. Lieberman in "Acts of Will: The Life and Work of Otto Rank". * ''Felice.'' ** Translation: Happy. ** Who: [[w:Raphael|Raphael]], Italian painter and architect of the High Renaissance. * Что они от меня хотят! Чего они хотят? (''Chto oni ot menya khotyat! Chego oni khotyat?'') ** Translation: What do they want of me! What do they want? ** Who: [[Grigori Rasputin]], Russian mystic *** Note: Last words also reported as, ''Феликс, Феликс, царице всё скажу.'' (''Feliks, Feliks, tsaritse vso skazhu.'') – "Felix, Felix, I will tell the tsarina!", "Felix" being Prince [[w:Felix Yusupov|Felix Yusupov]], one of Rasputin's assassins. * ''Azərbaycan, Azərbaycan, Azərbaycan!'' ** Transation: Azerbaijan, Azerbaijan, Azerbaijan! ** Who: [[w:Mammad Amin Rasulzadeh|Mammad Amin Rasulzadeh]] * I'm tired. I'm going back to bed. ** Who: [[w:George Reeves|George Reeves]] *** Note: Reeves committed suicide. This was the last thing he said to his friends before shooting himself in his bedroom. * See you next year. ** Who: [[Rob Reiner]], American filmmaker and actor. *** Note: According to English artist [[Eric Idle]], these were the words Reiner said to him at the end of a long phone conversation. Several hours later, Reiner and his wife [[w:Michele Singer Reiner|Michele]] were found dead at their home from multiple stab wounds.<ref>[https://www.thedailybeast.com/rob-reiners-final-words-to-monty-python-star-eric-idle-hours-before-death-revealed/ Star Reveals Rob Reiner's Final Words Hours Before Death]. The Daily Beast. Retrieved January 16, 2026.</ref> * Please accept my apology for not going public with what I’ve been facing for the past six years. I have always felt a huge amount of love and respect from my friends, fans and supporters. I have loved you all so much and enjoyed making art for you. ** Who: [[Paul Reubens]], American comedian best known for his character Pee-Wee Herman *** Note: Prepared statement released after his death. * I miss her so much, I want to be with Carrie. ** Who: [[w:Debbie Reynolds|Debbie Reynolds]] *** Note: Her daughter, actress [[w:Carrie Fisher|Carrie Fisher]], had died of heart failure the day before. and both Debbie and her son [[w:Todd Fisher|Todd Fisher]] were planning Carrie's funeral. According to Todd, she had made the comment, and 15 minutes later, suffered a stroke that she later died from. * Forward! For God's sake, forward! ** Who: [[w:John F. Reynolds|John F. Reynolds]], Union General at [[w:Gettysburg|Gettysburg]], seconds before he was shot by a Confederate sharpshooter. * ''I vvill die King of England! I ne vvill boughe a foot! Treason! Treason!'' ** Translation: I will die King of England! I will not budge a foot! Treason! Treason!! ** Who: [[w:Richard III|Richard III]] * Yeah, country music. ** Who: [[w:Buddy Rich|Buddy Rich]] *** Note: Said to a nurse who asked him, "Is there anything you can't take?" He died from heart failure following surgery to remove a brain tumor. * ''Now I'm going to tell you a story from the Bible about spiritual courage...'' ** Who: Baseball impresario [[w:Branch Rickey|Branch Rickey]] *** Note: He was in the middle of an acceptance speech at Missouri's Sports Hall of Fame when he collapsed in mid-sentence and never regained consciousness nor spoke again. Rickey died 26 days later. * No words can express just how sorry I am for taking the lives of my babies. No way I can make up for or take away the pain I have caused everyone who knew and loved them. I love you, my babies. ** Who: [[w:Christina Marie Riggs|Christina Marie Riggs]], first woman executed in Arkansas on May 2, 2000. In 1997 she killed her two small children and then failed in her attempt to commit suicide. * I don't want the doctor's death. I want to have my own freedom. ** Who: [[Rainer Maria Rilke]], Bohemian-Austrian poet and novelist * Let the flowers grow and look to the future... With that said, I rest in peace. ** Who: [[w:Mike Rinder|Mike Rinder]], Australian-American former senior executive of the [[Scientology|Church of Scientology]]. Rinder left Scientology in 2007 and became a prominent critic of the church in various media until his death. *** Note: Those were the last words of Rinder's final post on his [https://www.mikerindersblog.org/farewell/ blog], published shortly after his death. * ''Consummatum est!'' ** Translation: It is finished! ** Who: [[w:Jose Rizal|Jose Rizal]] *** Note: Rizal mentioned it moments before being shot by a firing squad. These are the last words spoken by Jesus (John 19:30). * My God, Ned, help me! I'm on fire! ** Who: [[w:Fireball Roberts|Edward "Fireball" Roberts]], 1962 Daytona 500 winner *** Note: Last recorded words said to Ned Jarrett in an attempt to save him, and recorded by many of the witnesses just moments after his fatal wreck during the 1964 World 600. In an attempt to avoid a wreck in front of him, Roberts swerved right to avoid, and spun out. His car hit an open patch in the wall, ripped the fuel tank, and was subsequently engulfed in fire. He slipped into a coma as a result of the accident, and died of third-degree burns three months later. * I love you. ** Who: [[Jackie Robinson]], American baseball player *** Note: Spoken to his wife. Robinson suffered a fatal heart attack moments later. *Yeah *Oh shit! **Who: John Robinson ***Note: Robinson was the First Officer on [[w:Flying Tiger Line Flight 66|Flying Tiger Line Flight 66]] when it crashed into a hill on approach to Kuala Lumpur on February 19 1989 killing all four on board. The first line was in response to the Captain asking if he was carrying out an Instrument landing system approach, where are his last confirmed words. In the final seconds of the flight, a voice declared the second line and it is unclear whether it was Robinson or the Captain on realizing they were about to crash. * Hey, what's up? ** Who: [[Elliot Rodger]], perpetrator of the [[w:2014 Isla Vista killings|Isla Vista shootings]] *** Note: Said to Sierra Swartz after pulling up next to her, before firing at her multiple times (each bullet missed). Minutes later, Rodger crashed his car and committed suicide via self-inflicted gunshot wound.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20150220034256/http://www.sbsheriff.us/documents/ISLAVISTAINVESTIGATIVESUMMARY.pdf - Investigative summary of the Isla Vista shootings.</ref> *Yes, a bullet-proof vest. ** Who: [[w:James W. Rodgers|James W. Rodgers]], American construction worker and convicted murderer *** Note: Asked if he has any last requests before facing a firing squad. * I forgot something. ** Who: [[George Lincoln Rockwell]], founder of the [[w:American Nazi Party|American Nazi Party]] *** Note: He was in the Econowash laundromat at the Dominion Hills Shopping Center in Arlington, Virginia, and spoke those words to no one in particular as he left the laundromat to get something from his car. Moments later, [[w:John Patler|John Patler]], a former member of Rockwell's group, fatally shot Rockwell from the roof of the shopping center. * I would like to tell you what I often told you when you were much younger. I like you just the way you are. And what's more, I'm so grateful to you for helping the children in your life to know that you'll do everything you can to keep them safe. And to help them express their feelings in ways that will bring healing in many different neighborhoods. Its such a good feeling to know that we're lifelong friends. ** Who: [[w:Fred Rogers|Fred Rogers]], best known as the creator and host of children's show ''Mister Rogers' Neighborhood''. *** Note: Rogers made these remarks in a video released several months before his death from stomach cancer on February 27, 2003. They are not his deathbed words, but they are his last words to the public. * ''Wenn ich schon umgebracht werden soll, dann soll Adolf es selbst tun.'' ** Translation: If I am to be killed, let Adolf do it himself. ** Who: [[w:Ernst Röhm|Ernst Röhm]] *** Note: He was co-founder of the ("Storm Battalion"; SA) and was among a number of Nazi officials who were suspected of conspiring against Adolf Hitler. He was executed during the 1934 [[w:Night of Long Knives|Night of Long Knives]]. Hitler was hesitant in ordering his execution and gave Röhm the opportunity to commit suicide. On July 2, he was given a pistol by 2 SS officers and was told he had 10 minutes to use it. He refused and stated what were to be his last words. He was later shot in the chest by SS-Obersturmbannführer Michael Lippert. * 너무 많은 사람들에게 신세를 졌다. 나로 말미암아 여러 사람이 받은 고통이 너무 크다. 앞으로 받을 고통도 헤아릴 수가 없다. 여생도 남에게 짐이 될 일밖에 없다. 건강이 좋지 않아서 아무것도 할 수가 없다. 책을 읽을 수도 글을 쓸 수도 없다. 너무 슬퍼하지 마라. 삶과 죽음이 모두 자연의 한 조각 아니겠는가? 미안해하지 마라. 누구도 원망하지 마라. 운명이다. 화장해라. 그리고 집 가까운 곳에 아주 작은 비석 하나만 남겨라. 오래된 생각이다. (''Neomu manh-eun salamdeul-ege sinseleul jyeossda. Nalo malmiam-a yeoleo salam-i bad-eun gotong-i neomu keuda. Ap-eulo bad-eul gotongdo healil suga eobsda. yeosaengdo nam-ege jim-i doel ilbakk-e eobsda. Geongang-i johji anh-aseo amugeosdo hal suga eobsda. Chaeg-eul ilg-eul sudo geul-eul sseul sudo eobsda. Neomu seulpeohaji mala. Salmgwa jug-eum-i modu jayeon-ui han jogag anigessneunga? Mianhaehaji mala. Nugudo wonmanghaji mala. Unmyeong-ida. Hwajanghaela. Geuligo jib gakkaun gos-e aju jag-eun biseog hanaman namgyeola. Olaedoen saeng-gag-ida.'') ** Translation: I am in debt to so many people. I have caused too great a burden to be placed upon them. I can't begin to fathom the countless agonies down the road. The rest of my life would only be a burden for others. I am unable to do anything because of poor health. I can't read, I can't write. Do not be too sad. Isn't life and death all a part of nature? Do not be sorry. Do not feel resentment toward anyone. It is fate. Cremate me. And leave only a small tombstone near home. I've thought on this for a long time. ** Who: [[w:Roh Moo-hyun|Roh Moo-hyun]], 9th President of South Korea *** Note: These words were from a suicide note typed on Roh's PC, before he eventually jumped off a mountain cliff behind his home in Bongha. *May God have mercy on the assassins. ** Who: Salvadoran Archbishop [[w:Óscar Romero|Óscar Romero]] *** Note: He was fatally shot while saying Mass in San Salvador by a death squad assassin who fired from the entrance of the Church, whom Romero presumably saw. * Utter nonsense. ** Who: [[Eleanor Roosevelt]] *** Note: Spoken to the nurse who told her she would die when the reason God put her on earth was fulfilled. * I have a terrific headache. ** Who: [[Franklin Delano Roosevelt]], 32nd President of the United States, who died of a massive cerebral hemorrhage *** Note: According to Conrad Black in his biography ''Franklin Delano Roosevelt: Champion of Freedom'', page 1110, FDR was sitting for a portrait when he put his left hand to the back of his head and said: "I have a terrific pain in the back of my head." He then was carried to his bed by several people — as they were doing this, "he was understood by Laura Delano to say, only semiconsciously, 'Be careful.'" These were his last words. * James, will you please put out the light? ** Who: [[Theodore Roosevelt]], 26th President of the United States *** Note: Spoken to his valet, James Amos. Roosevelt died in his sleep. * That's it, I'm dead. ** Who: Warren Rose, flight engineer of [[w:Surinam Airways Flight 764|Surinam Airways Flight 764]] *** Note: The flight attempted an ILS landing rather than a VOR/DME approach in thick fog. The plane's engine and right wing struck trees on the approach and inverted, killing all but eleven passengers. * No. ** Who: [[Alfred Rosenberg]], Nazi ideologist and minister *** Note: When asked if he had any last words before being executed by hanging. * We are the first victims of American fascism! ** Who: [[w:Ethel Rosenberg|Ethel Rosenberg]] *** Note: She and her husband Julius were executed in 1953 in the electric chair at Sing Sing prison for treason, having been convicted of passing information to the Soviet Union concerning the construction of the atomic bomb. The judge who condemned them to death said that he did so to prevent the Rosenbergs from ever being released from prison. Their two young children were eventually adopted by songwriter [[w:Abel Meeropol|Abel Meeropol]]. * We are innocent. That is the whole truth. To forsake this truth is to pay too high a price even for the priceless gift of life. For life thus purchased we could not live out in dignity. ** Who: [[w:Julius Rosenberg|Julius Rosenberg]] *** Note: He and his wife Ethel were executed in the electric chair in 1953 for treason (passing in blueprints of the atomic bomb to the Soviet Union; see above.) * I'd like to say just thanks for this time today—a chance to share your world along the way. One day soon, our paths may cross again; until then, God bless, my friend. ** Who: [[Bob Ross]], American painter, host of ''[[w:The Joy of Painting|The Joy of Painting]]'' *** Note: A poem Ross recited as a farewell message, in the last days of his terminal bout with lymphoma; Ross's traditional sign-off on ''The Joy of Painting'' was "happy painting, and God bless." It aired after Ross's death as part of the children's series ''The Adventures of Elmer and Friends'', which also set the poem to music. (These were Ross's last words to the public; his last words overall were likely related to a dispute he and his son Steve had with his business partners, Annette and Walt Kowalski, over Ross's intellectual properties, including his appearance on ''Elmer and Friends''. Any recordings of these were destroyed as part of a legal settlement.) *No thank you. ** Who: [[w:Michael Bruce Ross|Michael Bruce Ross]], executed in Connecticut on May 13, 2005 *** Note: When asked if he had any last words. * Don't go away. I don't want to be alone. I can't stand being alone. ** Who: [[w:Arnold Rothstein|Arnold Rothstein]], American crime boss. *** Note: Said to his wife Carolyn as he tried to raise himself he fell back and into unconsciousness. Rothstein would not regain consciousness and died the following morning. * I here declare my unmitigated hatred to Yankee rule -- to all political, social and business connection with the Yankees and to the Yankee race. Would that I could impress these sentiments, in their full force, on every living Southerner and bequeath them to every one yet to be born! May such sentiments be held universally in the outraged and down-trodden South, though in silence and stillness, until the now far-distant day shall arrive for just retribution for Yankee usurpation, oppression and atrocious outrages, and for deliverance and vengeance for the now ruined, subjugated and enslaved Southern States!...And now with my latest writing and utterance, and with what will be near my latest breath, I here repeat and would willingly proclaim my unmitigated hatred to Yankee rule--to all political, social and business connections with Yankees, and the perfidious, malignant and vile Yankee race. ** Who: [[w:Edmund Ruffin|Edmund Ruffin]] (Diary entry, 17 June 1865) *** Note: Ruffin was an ardent supporter of the Confederacy during the Civil War and fired one of the first shots of the war at Fort Sumter in 1861. He wrote his final diary entry on the occasion of General Robert E. Lee's surrender, and after completing his entry, shot himself in the head. * Hurry it up! I want to be in hell in time for dinner. ** Who: [[w:Edward H. Rulloff|Edward H. Rulloff]], a convicted serial killer and last person to be executed by hanging in the State of New York. * I feel like one of my engines is going out or something. ** Who: Richard Russell *** Note: Russell had stolen a Bombardier Dash 8 Q400 from Seattle-Tacoma airport and taken it for a joyride. This was Russell's last communication with SeaTac ATC, approximately four minutes before committing suicide by crashing into Keaton Island. [https://soundcloud.com/tom-cleary-17/seatac-air-traffic-control-81018-824-pm-to-854-pm (SeaTac ATC recordings from 8:24pm to 8:54pm on August 10, 2018 - Russell's last communication occurs at 18:49)] * What's happening? ** Who: [[w:Tim Russert|Tim Russert]], longtime host of [[w:Meet the Press|Meet the Press]] on [[w:NBC|NBC]] ** Spoken as a greeting, shortly before he collapsed, according to NBC Washington bureau editing supervisor Candace Harrington.<ref>http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/06/18/brian-williams-at-tim-rus_n_107932.html</ref> * Goodbye, cobber. God bless you. ** Who: Harold Rush, [[w:Australian 10th Light Horse Regiment|Australian 10th Light Horse Regiment]] trooper in [[w:World War I|World War I]] *** Note: His last words before joining his attack wave during the [[w:Battle of The Nek|Battle of The Nek]]. "Cobber" is an Australian colloquialism that means "friend". * I'm going over the valley. ** Who: [[Babe Ruth]], baseball player. *** Note: His doctor had asked him where he was going when he got up to wander around his hospital room. * I want to think about it. I am not coming out until I know about my mother. ** Who: [[w:Hungerford massacre|Michael Ryan]], perpetrator of the Hungerford massacre *** Note: Ryan had been speaking to a Police negotiator when he asked for the time. He had killed his mother in the shooting earlier in the day. * God bless you, please make it quick. ** Who: [[w:Ronald Ryan|Ronald Ryan]], the last man to hanged in Australia on 3 February 1967. =S= * Loved tonight’s show (at the Ponte Vedra Concert Hall) in Jacksonville. Appreciative audience. Thanks again to Tim Wilkins for opening. I had no idea I did a 2 hr set tonight. I’m happily addicted again to this shit. Check BobSaget.com for my dates in 2022. ** Who: [[Bob Saget]] *** Note: Final tweet posted in the early hours of January 9, 2022. * Put out the bloody cigarette! ** Who: [[Saki]] (British author Hugh Hector Munro) *** Note: Spoken to a fellow officer while in a trench during [[w:World War I|World War I]], for fear the smoke would give away their positions; he was then shot by a German sniper who had heard the remark. * "yea...usually @ north camarillo" ** Who: Robert M. Sanchez *** Note: Texted one minute before Sanchez, a Los Angeles Metrolink engineer, collided his commuter train with a Union Pacific freight train in the [[w:Chatsworth train collision|Chatsworth train collision]]. In the course of texting, he missed the red signal that should have warned him to get on siding and protect the train. * תמות נפשי עם־פלשתים (''Tamot nafshi im-pelishtim'') ** Translation: Let me die with the Philistines! *** Who: [[w:Samson|Samson]] * Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck. ** Who: [[w:George Sanders|George Sanders]], British actor *** Note: Written on a suicide note. * Tell my family I love them. ** Who: William David Sanders, American schoolteacher *** Note: Sanders was injured in the [[w:Columbine High School massacre|Columbine High School massacre]] on April 20, 1999. He then managed to get himself into a science lab where he succumbed to a loss of blood nearly three hours later. * Thank you Palestrina. It's a wonderful evening, it's great to be here and I wanna dedicate you a super sexy song. ** Who: [[w:Mark Sandman|Mark Sandman]] (American jazz singer) *** Note: Sandman collapsed on stage at the Giardini del Principe in Palestrina, Italy while performing with his band Morphine, just after saying this to the audience. * A party! Let's have a party. ** Who: [[w:Margaret Sanger|Margaret Sanger]], American birth control activist * God bless, God damn! ** Who: [[w:Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna|Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna]] *** Note: Santa Anna was known to spend many long hours trying to decide what his last words would be; one can only speculate if this is what he had intended to say. * We figured we'd wait to go to your center. Ah, we heard a suspicious transmission on our departure out of Boston, ah, with someone, ah, it sounded like someone keyed the mikes and said, ah, "Everyone, ah, stay in your seats." It cut out. ** Who: Victor Saracini *** Note: Saracini was the captain of [[w:United Airlines Flight 175|United Airlines Flight 175]] on September 11, 2001. It was the last transmission he made to the ground as only minutes later the flight was hijacked and the plane later crashed into the South Tower of the World Trade Center. * Let's be wild tonight. ** Who: [[w:Sirkka Sari|Sirkka Sari]] *** Note: Sari was a [[w:Cinema of Finland|Finnish actress]] who died by falling down a [[w:chimney|chimney]] during a party. These are her last recorded words, by which she convinced the crew and her castmates to have a party at the Aulanko hotel, where they were shooting; during the party, Sari and one of the men in the group (she was engaged, but the man was ''not'' her fiancee) went up to the roof of the hotel. On the flat roof, there was a several-feet high chimney, with a ladder leading up to the top; Sari mistook this chimney for a scenery [[w:balcony|balcony]], climbed up, and fell into a heating [[w:boiler|boiler]], where she died instantly. * Everybody has got to die, but I have always believed an exception would be made in my case. What now? ** Who: [[William Saroyan]], American writer * I love you very much, my dear Beaver. ** Who: [[Jean-Paul Sartre]], French philosopher *** Note: Said to his partner, [[Simone de Beauvoir]] * おいしい。 (''Oishii.'') ** Translation: It's good. or It's tasty. ** Who: [[w:Sadako Sasaki|Sadako Sasaki]], Hiroshima atomic bomb victim, after tasting her [[w:Chazuke|ochazuke]] (tea on rice) before dying of leukemia at age 12.<ref>{{Cite web|url=http://www.pcf.city.hiroshima.jp/virtual/VirtualMuseum_j/exhibit/exh0107/exh01072.html|title=企画展2}}</ref><ref>{{Cite web|url=http://www.pcf.city.hiroshima.jp/virtual/VirtualMuseum_e/exhibit_e/exh0107_e/exh01072_e.html|title=Special Exhibition 2}}</ref> * فيصل، سعود هو أخيك. سعود، فيصل هو أخيك. ليس هناك قوة ولا قوة إنقاذ في الله. (''Faysal, Su'ud hu 'akhiku. Sa'udun, Faysal hu 'akhiuk. Lays hunak quat wala quat 'iinqadh fi Allah'') ** Translation: Faisal, Saud is your brother. Saud, Faisal is your brother. There is no power and no strength save in God. ** Who: [[w:Ibn Saud|Ibn Saud]]; quoted in ''Ibn Saud'', by Leslie McLoughlin *** Note: Saudi sources claim Ibn Saud's last words were the ''[[w:Shahada|Shahada]]'' prayer, which Ibn Saud recited several times before sleeping. * שלף חרבך ודקרני בה פן־יבאו הערלים האלה והתעללו־בי (''Shelof charbecha vedakereni vah, pen-yavo'u ha'arelim ha'elleh vehit'allelu-vi'') ** Translation: Draw your sword and pierce me with it, lest these uncircumcised ones come upon me and make a mockery of me ** Who: [[w:Saul|Saul]], first king of the [[w:United Monarchy of Israel|United Monarchy of Israel]] *** Note: Saul spoke this to his sword-bearer after losing a battle at Mount Gilboa to the Philistines. His weapon-bearer refused to kill the king, so Saul committed suicide to prevent himself from falling into enemy hands. Three of his sons had died in the battle. His and their bodies were discovered by the Philistine soldiers the following day, and were then mutilated and displayed before being recovered by David and buried. * ''Ouch! Why? Why?'' ** Who: [[w:Rebecca Schaeffer|Rebecca Schaeffer]], American actress and model (18 July 1989), after being shot at her apartment doorsteps by stalker Robert John Bardo * ''Ik schiet beter!'' ** Translation: I could shoot better! ** Who: [[w:Hannie Schaft|Hannie Schaft]] *** Note: Spoken to a German soldier after having been shot in her execution; the soldier subsequently emptied his machine gun into her. * I have a problem — I have a real problem. ** Who: [[w:Art Scholl|Art Scholl]] *** Note: Said as his plane entered a flat spin and subsequently crashed. * ''Es lebe die Freiheit!'' ** ''Translation:'' Long live freedom! ** Who: [[w:Hans Scholl|Hans Scholl]], leader of [[The White Rose]], German anti-Hitler resistance movement. ** His last words from the guillotine before sentence of death for high treason was executed (22 February 1943) * Let them leave me alone. ** Who: [[w:Dutch Schultz|Dutch Schultz]], Jewish-American gangster *** Note: Schultz had been shot, and gave a long, stream-of-consciousness babble while on his deathbed as police tried to extract information from him. * Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Linus, Lucy...how can I ever forget them... ** Who: [[w:Charles Schulz|Charles Schulz]] *** Note: From the final [[w:Peanuts|Peanuts]] comic strip released on February 13, 2000 (one day after his death). * Roger, go at throttle-up. ** Who: [[w:Dick Scobee|Francis Richard "Dick" Scobee]] *** Note: These were his last recorded words before the [[w:Space Shuttle Challenger disaster|Space Shuttle ''Challenger'' disintegrated]], killing him and six other astronauts. * If you came to party, make some noise. ** Who: [[w:Fatman Scoop|Fatman Scoop]], American rapper and hype man *** Note: Said at an event he was hosting in Hamden, Connecticut immediately before collapsing and being taken to a hospital, where he later died. * For God's sake look after our people. ** Who: [[w:Robert Falcon Scott|Robert Falcon Scott]]. *** Note: These were the last words he wrote in his diary, before he froze to death. * My dear, be a good man — be virtuous — be religious — be a good man. Nothing else will give you any comfort when you come to lie here. ...God bless you all. ** Who: [[Walter Scott]] ** As quoted in John Gibson Lockhart ''Memoirs of the life of Sir Walter Scott, Bart'', Vol. VII (1838), p. 294 * Just leaving for God's own country. ** Who: [[w:Richard John Seddon|Richard Seddon]], Prime Minister of New Zealand. *** Note: Final telegram sent to the Premier of Victoria, Sir Thomas Bent, from on board the ''Oswestry Grange'' heading back to New Zealand, 10 June 1906. He died later that evening of heart failure. "[[w:God's Own Country|God's Own Country]]" has long been a nickname for New Zealand. *What? Men dodging this way for single bullets? What will you do when they open fire along the whole line? Why are you dodging like this? They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance. ** Who: [[John Sedgwick]] *** Note: Sedgwick was a Union Civil War general who was hit by sniper fire moments after saying these, at the battle of Spotsylvania, on May 9, 1864. They are often portrayed as if they were his absolute final statement, the sentence often being presented as if he did not even finish it, and altered into the form: '' "They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...". '' Though this may be a slightly more striking version of events, his actual last words are believed to be "All right, my man; go to your place", in response to a soldier telling him that he preferred to duck when being shot at, even from a great distance. - (External link: [http://www.civilwarhome.com/sedgwickdeath.htm Death of General John Sedgwick]) * Yolanda, in Room 158. ** Who: [[w:Selena|Selena]] *** Note: Selena had been shot in the back by Yolanda Saldívar during an argument over missing financial records. Before losing consciousness, Selena named Saldivar as her assailant and the room number she was staying at to a Days Inn motel employee. * The car seems OK... ** Who: [[Ayrton Senna]], three time Formula One World Racing champion *** Note: He said these last words over his team radio before his steering column broke and he subsequently crashed into a wall, killing him instantly. * My boys, I'm going down. ** Who: [[w:Alexandru Şerbănescu|Alexandru Şerbănescu]], Romanian World War II flying ace. *** Note: Said as his aircraft was shot down. * Nothing, only "love one another." ** Who: [[William H. Seward]], United States Secretary of State and architect of the [[w:Alaska purchase|Alaska purchase]] *** Note: Whispered to his children after he asked if he had any last words. * Days betray me when I am not working. None of my guests nor I mentioned it was Saturday, so, for me, it was a Sunday dinner. Perhaps I'll have another tomorrow! ** Who: [[w:Glenn Shadix|Glenn Shadix]], American actor *** Note: Actor; died on a Saturday. * के गरेको? (''Ke gareko?'') ** Translation: What have you done? ** Who: [[w:Birendra of Nepal|Birendra Shah]], King of Nepal *** Note: Said to his son, Crown Prince Dipendra, who shot him during the [[w:Nepalese royal massacre|Nepalese royal massacre]] on June 1, 2001. * Fuck you. ** Who: [[Tupac Shakur]], American rapper *** Note: Spoken to a police officer who had asked who shot him (Shakur). * Mommy... ** Who: [[w:Murder of Shanda Sharer|Shanda Sharer]] *** Note: Shanda Sharer was a 12-year old girl who was abducted and tortured by four teenage girls during the late night hours of January 11, 1992 in Madison, Indiana. After eight hours of torture they took her out to a field and she was calling for her mother before they burned her alive. * Dying is easy, comedy is hard. ** Who: [[George Bernard Shaw]] *** Note: Said on his death bed. * If elected, I will not lay down on the job. ** Who: [[w:Dick Shawn|Dick Shawn]], American comedian *** As part of his comedy act. Shawn suffered a fatal heart attack in the middle of his act, which most in attendance assumed was part of the act. * I want to see my mom. ** Who: Isaiah Shoels *** Note: Shoels was one of 13 people killed in the [[w:Columbine High School massacre|Columbine High School massacre]] on April 20, 1999. His killers, [[w:Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold|Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold]] made racist comments towards him before fatally shooting him. * Ooh-ee, I can feel that! ** Who: [[w:Anthony Allen Shore|Anthony Allen Shore]], American serial killer *** Note: Shore's last words before he was executed by lethal injection. * We are now under God's grace and mercy. ** Who: [[w:Brad Sigmon|Brad Sigmon]], American murderer *** Note: Sigmon gave a long final statement condemning the use of capital punishment as outdated Old Testament theology and a violation of the New Testament. Sigmon was executed by firing squad, the first man to die by that method outside Utah in 49 years. * ''Braćo, spasavaj se ko hoće i ko može!'' ** Translation: Brothers, save yourself those of you who want and who can! ** Who: [[w:Stevan Sinđelić|Stevan Sinđelić]], Serbian military commander. *** Note: Sinđelić uttered it during [[w:Battle of Čegar|Battle of Čegar]], before igniting the gunpowder kegs in the powder cave, creating an enormous explosion that killed him, all of the Serb rebels and Ottoman soldiers. * Teresa, I can't go down, my legs hurt a lot... no, not today. Not on my birthday. * Let me fly you to the moon, so we can gaze among the stars. ** Who: [[w:Richard Simmons|Richard Simmons]], American fitness promoter *** Note: The first was part of a dialogue between Simmons and his live-in housekeeper of 36 years, Teresa Reveles, who had attempted to convince Simmons to go to the hospital. The second was an unfinished social media post Simmons and his brother Lenny were working on, a loose paraphrase of lyrics from the song "[[w:Fly Me to the Moon|Fly Me to the Moon]]," that was scheduled for release after his death. * Up...up... ** Who: [[w:Tom Simpson|Tom Simpson]], British cyclist *** Note: Tom Simpson died on the Mont Ventoux, probably because of a combination of amphetamines, alcohol and the heat. His last words are often erroneously quoted as "Put me back on my bike"; Simpson's soigneur told reporters that he wanted to be "put back on his bike", and this was reported as such. * I'm losing it. ** Who: [[Frank Sinatra]], American singer, actor and producer *** Note: According to his daughter [[w:Nancy Sinatra|Nancy Sinatra]], as told to ''Variety'' magazine senior columnist, [[w:Army Archerd|Army Archerd]]. Other sources quote him as saying, ''"I'm losin' it."'' * I am not going. Do with me what you like. I am not going. Come on! Come on! Take action! Let's go! ** Who: Chief [[Sitting Bull]], famous for leading the Sioux tribe against General Custer's troops at the Battle of Little Bighorn *** Note: About 43 members of the Indian police decided to arrest him. Sitting Bull refused to leave with the police and a crowd of angry supporters gathered around him. A fight broke out and Sitting Bull wound up getting shot in the head. * This is the first time authorities helped me escape prison. ** Who: [[w:George Sitts|George Sitts]], convicted murderer before his electrocution in 1947 in South Dakota * В моей смерти прошу винить Российскую Федерацию. (''V moyey smerti proshu vinit' Rossiyskuyu Federatsiyu.'') ** Translation: I ask you to blame the Russian Federation for my death. ** Who: [[w:Irina Slavina (journalist)|Irina Slavina]], Russian journalist *** Note: Final post on Facebook before her self-immolation in front of the [[w:Nizhny Novgorod Oblast Police|Nizhny Novgorod Oblast Police]] building. * They're not shooting me for deserting the United States Army - thousands of guys have done that. They're shooting me for that brass I stole when I was 12 years old. ** Who: [[w:Eddie Slovik|Eddie Slovik]], the only US soldier shot for desertion during World War II. Said shortly before his execution by firing squad at 10:04 a.m. on January 31, 1945, near the village of Sainte-Marie-aux-Mines, France. * ''Która godzina?'' ** Translation: What time is it? ** Who: [[w:Juliusz Słowacki|Juliusz Słowacki]], Polish romantic poet * My wife is very good at putting me to sleep just by rubbing my hands... Be strong my darling... ** Who: Peter Smedley, English Hotelier *** Note: Smedley had an assisted death at a [[w:Dignitas (assisted dying organisation)|Dignitas]] euthanasia clinic after suffering from [[w:Motor neurone disease|motor neurone disease]] for much of his life. His assisted death was televised as part of [[Terry Pratchett]]'s documentary Choosing To Die. He died holding his wife's hand, calmly and of his own choice. * I believe we should adjourn this meeting to another place. ** Who: [[Adam Smith]] * I'm going, but I'm going in the name of the Lord. ** Who: [[w:Bessie Smith|Bessie Smith]] * Now he's going into a parking lot, now he's stopped. We'll see what happens here. He has stopped. This may be the end of this thing. Okay, he's out, okay now it's a foot chase. Now he's in another vehicle. Okay, okay, doors open, police, okay. Oh, jee- ** Who: Craig Smith, pilot for KNXV-TV's Chopper15 involved in the [[w:Phoenix news helicopter collision|Phoenix mid-air collision]] ** Note: While covering a police chase, Smith's chopper collided with KTVK's Newschopper3. Both choppers crashed to the ground, killing all four occupants on both aircraft. Just as the audio from the incident fades out as ABC15 News cuts back to anchor Rebecca Thomas, Smith can be heard screaming. *I'm a dead man! ** Who: [[w:Hyrum Smith|Hyrum Smith]] upon being shot in the face, just before his brother Joseph was as well. * Oh Lord, my God... ** Who: [[Joseph Smith, Jr.]] crying out while being shot by a mob inside [[W:Carthage Jail|Carthage Jail]] and then falling out of a window. * Uh-oh... ** Who: [[w:Michael J. Smith (astronaut)|Michael J. Smith]], crew member of the ill-fated Space Shuttle [[w:Challenger|Challenger]] 51-L mission, 28 January 1986. Last statement recorded on the spacecraft's cockpit voice recorder, less than half a second before the shuttle disintegrated. * My God, don't shoot! ** Who: [[w:Soapy Smith|Soapy Smith]], American con artist *** Note: Said during the [[w:Shootout on Juneau Wharf|Shootout on Juneau Wharf]] * Ὦ Κρίτων... τῷ Ἀσκληπιῷ ὀφείλομεν ἀλεκτρυόνα. ἀλλὰ ἀπόδοτε καὶ μὴ ἀμελήσητε. (''Ô Krítōn... tôi Asklēpiôi opheílomen alektruóna. allà apódote kaì mḕ amelḗsēte.'') ** Translation: Crito, we ought to offer a cock to Asclepius. See to it, and don't forget. ** Who: [[Socrates]], quoted by Plato in ''Phaedo'' *** Note: Asclepius was a Greek god of healing (his shrine is on the side of the Acropolis). It seems to many that Socrates considered death to be a relief, and thus was thanking the god for the service of killing him. * Refill my whiskey, please. ** Who: [[w:Russell Solomon|Russ Solomon]], entrepreneur and founder of the retailer Tower Records *** Immediately prior to the request to his wife, Solomon, who was watching the Academy Awards on television at the time, also commented that one of the dresses an attendee was wearing was ugly. By the time his wife returned with the whiskey, he was dead. * It must have been the coffee. ** Who: [[w:Jack Soo|Jack Soo]], Actor and Comic, quoted by Hal Linden *** Note: This was a reference to the running gag of his character Nick Yemana from the TV show ''Barney Miller'' having the reputation for making horrible coffee. According to friend and fellow cast-member Hal Linden, these were Soo's last words before being taken to surgery for cancer of the esophagus. * Not bad. I can't feel a thing. ** Who: [[w:Franklin Sousley|Franklin Sousley]] * My name is Tris Speaker. ** Who: [[w:Tris Speaker|Tris Speaker]], American baseball player * ''Grazie.'' ** Translation: Thank you. ** Who: [[w:Bud Spencer|Bud Spencer]], Italian actor. ***Note: Spoken to family members present at his deathbed shortly before his death.<ref>[https://www.repubblica.it/spettacoli/cinema/2016/06/27/news/addio_a_bud_spencer-142956603// Cinema, è morto Bud Spencer, il gigante buono del cinema italiano]. ''La Repubblica''. Retrieved October 26, 2024.</ref> * My God, what's happened? ** Who: [[Diana, Princess of Wales|Lady Diana Spencer]], 31 August 1997 (after being mortally wounded in a car accident) * Capital punishment: Them without the capital get the punishment! ** Who: [[w:John Arthur Spenkelink|John Arthur Spenkelink]] ** Before his electrocution in Florida in 1979. He was the first person executed involuntarily after moratorium was lifted * ''Dan liever de lucht in!'' ** Translation: Rather to blow up, then! ** Who: [[w:Jan van Speyk|Jan van Speyjk]] * My vocabulary did this to me. Your love will let you go on... ** Who: [[w:Jack Spicer|Jack Spicer]], Poet. Spoken to fellow poet Robin Blaser in a near-coma brought on by Spicer's Alcoholism. [http://www.memorybc.ca/jack-spicer-fonds;rad] * There will be a time when our silence will be more powerful than the voices you strangle today! ** Who: [[August Spies]], [[anarchism|anarchist]] [[W:Haymarket Riot|Haymarket martyr]], prior to his hanging. * I'm tired. ** Who: [[w:Ken Stabler|Ken Stabler]] * Going southbound, sir. ** Who: Andrew Joseph (Joe) Stack II, software engineer and [[w:tax protester|tax protestor]]. ** As he was preparing to fly his [[w:Piper Cherokee|Piper Cherokee PA-28-236]] into [[w:2010 Austin plane crash|Building I of the Echelon office complex in Austin, Texas, United States]], killing himself and [[w:Internal Revenue Service|Internal Revenue Service]] manager Vernon Hunter and injuring 13 others, he radioed the control tower he was flying southbound. The tower operator replied, ''"Have a great day."''[http://www.wtop.com/?nid=104&sid=1893898] Prior to his suicide, Stack posted an anti-government manifesto on his business website. [http://www.webcitation.org/5ndnnvvrP] * Not like this. Don't leave me like this. ** Who: [[w:Layne Staley|Layne Staley]], lead singer of [[Alice in Chains]] *** Note: Staley was calling after friend and former bandmate [[w:Mike Starr (musician)|Mike Starr]], who angrily stormed out of Staley's apartment following an argument. Staley is believed to have passed away a day later, on April 5, 2002, of a drug overdose. Staley's body wasn't found by police until two weeks after his death. * Я закончил. Я даже не доверяю себе. (''Ya zakonchil. Ya dazhe ne doveryayu sebe.'') ** Translation: I am finished. I don't even trust myself. ** Who: [[w:Joseph Stalin|Joseph Stalin]], leader of the [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]] *** Note: Stalin's health had been falling in the previous weeks and he made this remark as his paranoia grew ever stronger. These were his final remarks to his subordinates, his actual final words, if any, are not known because Beria left him unattended for up to twelve hours after he suffered a stroke. His daughter Svetlana remarked that, as Stalin was on his deathbed, "He suddenly sat up, groaned, shook his fist at the ceiling as if he could see beyond it, then fell back and died." * Get out of it! Get out of it! ** Who: Ed States, captain aboard [[w:American Airlines Flight 587|American Airlines Flight 587]] *** Note: Said as the flight spun out of control following the separation of the stabilizer from the airplane, shortly after Sten Molin's last words. The plane crashed four seconds later, killing all 260 passengers and crew (plus five civilians on the ground). *''Es lebe unser heiliges Deutschland!'' ** Translation: Long live our holy Germany! **Who: [[w:Claus von Stauffenberg|Claus von Stauffenberg]], seconds before being executed by a Nazi firing squad for his role in an [[w:20 July plot|attempt]] on the life of Adolf Hitler. Stauffenberg's biographer, Peter Hoffmann, speculates that the words, which exist in differing versions, were actually ''Es lebe die geheime Deutschland!'' (Long live the secret Germany!), a tenet held by the poet Stefan George and his circle. * ''Náða góðan daginn, ástin mín.'' ** Translation: Have a good day, my love. ** Who: [[Stefán Karl Stefánsson]] *** Note: Last words publicly known, taken from a video filmed on the day of his death. * What is the answer? [''no response''] In that case, what is the question? ** Who: [[Gertrude Stein]], spoken to [[w:Alice B. Toklas|Alice B. Toklas]]. * I'm feeling much better now, Doc. ** Who: [[w:Jock Stein|Jock Stein]], manager of the [[w:Scotland national football team|Scotland national football team]]. *** Note: While managing for Scotland in their last group game of the [[w:1986 FIFA World Cup qualification – UEFA Group 7|1986 FIFA World Cup qualification]], Stein suffered a pulmonary edema (fluid buildup in the lungs) two minutes before the final whistle (and Scotland's unlikely qualification for the UEFA-OFC playoff against Australia). Stein was carried into the medical room and given an injection by team doctor Stewart Hillis, who heard Stein's whisper his last words seconds before falling unconscious. It was later revealed that Stein had stopped taking diuretics leading up to the match, which likely caused his death. * ''Herr Heise, für heute reicht's.'' ** Translation: Mr. Heise, enough for today. ** Who: [[w:Erfurt school massacre|Robert Steinhäuser]], perpetrator of the Erfurt school massacre in Germany in 2002. *** Note: Steinhäuser, an expelled student of the school, had been confronted by a teacher (Mr. Heise), and promptly committed suicide after saying this. * מרן לא תקים להון הדא חטיתא (''Maran la t'qim l'hun hadhei kh'titha'') ** Translation: Lord, do not hold this sin against them *** Who: [[w:Saint Stephen|Saint Stephen]] * Do not walk quite so fast and do hold your head up Marietta. ** Who: [[Adlai Stevenson II]], speaking to his girlfriend while walking. He then collapsed and died. * Does my face look strange? . . . My head! My head! ** Who: [[Robert Louis Stevenson]], author *** Note: Stevenson collapsed from cerebral hemorrhage and died shortly after. * I'm going to go be with Gloria now. ** Who: [[Jimmy Stewart]], speaking of his late wife * We're still at 2,000 feet, right? ** Who: Bert Stockstill *** Note: Stockstill was first officer on [[w:Eastern Air Lines Flight 401|Eastern Air Lines Flight 401]]. When approaching Miami International Airport, their destination, on the night of December 29, 1972, the light on the cockpit indicating the landing gear were down failed to light. The flight crew became preoccupied with figuring out if the gear or just the light had malfunctioned, to the point that they were looking at the circuitry beneath the instrument panel. In the course of this inspection, Captain John Loft inadvertently switched off the autopilot, causing the plane to lose altitude rapidly. After Stockstill asked this question, Loft apparently realized something was wrong and responded "Hey—what's happening here?". Ten seconds later the plane crashed into the Everglades, killing 101, including Loft and Stockstill. * Make the world better. ** Who: [[Lucy Stone]], American [[w:abolitionism|abolitionist]], [[w:feminism|feminist]], [[w:activism|activist]] * We have been together for 40 years, and we will not separate now. ** Who: [[w:Ida Straus|Ida Straus]], wife of [[w:Isidor Straus|Isidor Straus]], co-owner of [[w:Macy's Department Store|Macy's]], and victim aboard the [[w:RMS Titanic|Titanic]]. *** Note: She refused to take a lifeboat, which would have meant separating from her husband. * ''Heil Hitler! Dies ist mein Purimfest 1946. Ich gehe zu Gott. Die Bolschewisten werden eines Tages Euch auch hängen.'' ** Translation Heil Hitler! This is my [[W:Purim|Purim]] celebration 1946. I go to God. The [[W:Bolshevik|Bolshevists]] will one day hang you, too. ** Who: [[Julius Streicher]], publisher of the infamous Nazi tabloid ''Der Stürmer'' and one-time Gauleiter of Franconia, moments before being hanged for crimes against humanity. *** Note: Of all the condemned Nazis, he was the only one to salute Hitler before his own execution. * ''¡Carajo, un balazo!'' ** Translation: Damn, a bullet! ** Who: [[w:Antonio José de Sucre|Antonio José de Sucre]], after being shot while riding his horse in the jungle in Colombia on his way home. He was said to be a fine gentleman who had never cursed until that day, according to Ricardo Palma's "Tradiciones en Salsa Verde". *Hang down one of my hands out of coffin. People should see that Suleyman, the sultan, has left this world empty-handed. **Who: Suleiman the Magnificent, Ottoman Sultan *Please don't let me fall. **Who: [[w:Mary Surratt|Mary Surratt]], before being hanged for her part in the conspiracy to assassinate President Lincoln. She was the first woman executed by the United States federal government. * Oh, shit! ** Who: [[w:Brandon Swanson|Brandon Swanson]] *** Note: Spoken as he was telephoning a parent. To this day, his whereabouts remain unknown, and nobody knows why he exclaimed this. * I'm not afraid of death. I'm going home. ** Who: [[w:Patrick Swayze|Patrick Swayze]], American actor. *** Note: As quoted by his family, prior to his death from pancreatic cancer. * They might come back here. I might have to go. We are going to try to do something about this. ** Who: Brian David Sweeney, passenger aboard [[w:United Airlines Flight 175|United Airlines Flight 175]], which crashed into the South Tower of the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. *** Note: Like United Airlines Flight 93, it appeared that the passengers aboard also planned to resist the hijackers by storming the cockpit. However, just two minutes later, the plane flew into the South Tower. * I see water. I see buildings. I see buildings! We are flying low. We are flying very, very low. We are flying way too low. Oh my God we are flying way too low. Oh my God! **Who: [[w:Madeline Amy Sweeney|Madeline Amy Sweeney]], flight attendant who was on the phone with airline manager Michael Woodward when American Airlines Flight 11 was crashed by terrorists into the North Tower of the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. * I'm going to kill you! ** Who: [[w:Carl Switzer|Carl Switzer]] *** Note: Said during a brawl with an acquaintance over a dispute on money. After screaming the above line, he was shot in the groin. * One – two – three… eight feet long / Two strides across, the rest is dark… / Life is a fleeting question mark / One – two – three… maybe another week. / Or the next month may still find me here, / But death, I feel is very near. / I could have been 23 next July / I gambled on what mattered most, the dice were cast. I lost. ** Who: [[w:Hannah Szenes|Hannah Szenes]] *** Note: This poem, found in her cell, is the last poem she is known to have written. A letter, found on her body after her execution, read, "Dear mother, I don’t know what to tell you. I will only say this: A thousand thanks and more, and forgive me, if you can. After all, you will understand, better than anyone else, that words are not necessary now. With great love, your daughter." =T= * Good morning. ** Who: [[William Howard Taft]], 27th President of the United States * もうダメ! (''Mō dame!'') ** Translation: We can't do anything now! ** Who: Masami Takahama, captain of [[w:Japan Airlines Flight 123|Japan Airlines Flight 123]] *** Note: Said just before the flight impacted Mount Takamagahara, killing all but four of 524 people aboard. Sources often state that Takahama's words were "It's the end". The aircraft accident report, however, considers the recorded words indecipherable. * It is time for a new direction... ** Who: [[w:Andrei Tarkovsky|Andrei Tarkovsky]], as reported by his wife. * Please — please don't kill me — I don't want to die. I just want to have my baby. ** Who: [[Sharon Tate]], victim of confessed murderer [[w:Susan Atkins|Susan Atkins]] (aka Sadie Mae Glutz) of the Manson family, as reported in the court testimony of Virginia Graham. Atkins told Graham she responded to Tate's plea with: "Look, bitch, you might as well face it right now, you're going to die, and I don't feel a thing behind it." * I am about to die. I expect the summons very soon. I have tried to discharge my duties faithfully. I regret nothing, but I am sorry I am about to leave my friends. ** Who: [[Zachary Taylor]], 12th President of the United States * I hope you guys enjoyed my content and that I made some of you laugh, and I hope you all go on to live long, prosperous, and happy lives because I love you guys. Technoblade out. ** Who: [[w:Technoblade|Technoblade]], prominent [[w:Minecraft|Minecraft]] YouTuber and streamer. *** Note: Written as part of his final message on his father's laptop, eight hours before his death from a Stage 4 sarcoma. The message was read out by his father in a video titled "so long nerds". * Die, my dear doctor, that's the last thing I shall do! ** Who: [[Henry John Temple, 3rd Viscount Palmerston]] * Oh that press will have me now! ** Who: [[Alfred, Lord Tennyson]] * Jesus, I love you. Jesus, I love you. ** Who: [[Mother Teresa]] (Sept 5, 1997) *** Note: Sister Nirmala Joshi recalled, "Just hours before her death, Mother Teresa spoke about the Little Flower, St. Therese. She has just been declared a 'Doctor of the Church' by Pope John Paul II. Her last words are: "Can you imagine, for doing little things with great love, the Church is making her a Doctor, like St. Augustine and the big St. Teresa! It is just like Jesus said in the Gospel to the one who was seated in the lowest place: "Friend, come up higher." St. Therese's last words were quite similar, "Oh, I love him; my God, I love you". * Pity me not. I die as a man of honour ought, in discharge of my duty. They indeed are objects of pity who fight against their king, their country, and their oath. ** Who: [[w:Pierre Terrail, seigneur de Bayard|Pierre Terrail]], seigneur de Bayard (April 30, 1524) *** Note: ''Le chevalier sans peur et sans reproche'', died of an arquebus shot to the back in battle with the Spaniards. He was propped up against a tree and, for want of a crucifix, he was confessed with his sword. Even the enemy commander attended him at his death. * 頼むから仕事をさせてくれ！ (''Tanomu kara shigoto wo sasete kure!'') ** Translation: I'm begging you, let me work! ** Who: [[w:Osamu Tezuka|Osamu Tezuka]], legendary Japanese cartoonist and animator *** He spoke these words as a nurse took his drawing board from his hospital bed and encouraged him to get some sleep. * Take a picture! ** Who: [[w:Alan Thicke|Alan Thicke]] *** Thicke had suffered an aortic dissection while playing hockey and joked to his son to take a picture of him. Thicke unexpectedly died after being taken to the hospital. * Roses plural or Rose's roses with an apostrophe? ** Who: [[Dylan Thomas]] *** Note: Spoke those words to his girlfriend Liz, who told him that her friend had seen white mice and roses. He lapsed into a coma from excessive drinking and died. * Is the mic still on? ** Who: [[w:Shannon Charles Thomas|Shannon Charles Thomas]] *** Note: Thomas, a death row inmate executed by the state of Texas in 2005 for murder, had made a lengthy final statement before the lethal injection started. After the drugs began to take effect he asked this final question. * Pretty weak, but I'll be all right in a little while, don't worry, darling. ** Who: [[w:Olive Thomas|Olive Thomas]] *** Note: Thomas had accidentally ingested a lethal dose of her husband's syphilis medicine, composed of the poisonous compound mercuric bichloride. She died three days later, and her husband, Jack, said that these were her last words, a response to his asking how she felt, before she died later that day. * No more games. No more bombs. No more walking. No more fun. No more swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No fun - for anybody. 67. You are getting greedy. Act your old age. Relax - This won't hurt. ** Who: [[Hunter S. Thompson]] *** Note: Said on a suicide note written four days before his death. He was 67 when he took his own life. * Ah, here we go. ** Who: Ted Thompson, captain of [[w:Alaska Airlines Flight 261|Alaska Airlines Flight 261]] *** Note: The plane had gone into an upside-down nosedive after the jackscrew assembly failed, causing a loss in pitch control, shortly after recovering from an earlier nosedive caused by unjamming the horizontal stabilizer. The pilots had been attempting to regain control. The plane crashed into the Pacific Ocean about one second later, killing all crew and passengers. * Moose ... Indian. ** Who: [[Henry David Thoreau]] *** Note: These words he had said in a delirium before expiring. When urged earlier to make his peace with God his last coherent response was, "I did not know that we had ever quarreled." * God bless... God damn. ** Who: [[James Thurber]], humorist, d. 1961 * I'm Pat Fucking Tillman ** Who: [[w:Pat Tillman|Pat Tillman]], Former American professional football player in the National Football League (NFL) who left his sports career and enlisted in the United States Army in May 2002. Killed in action as a result of friendly fire. <ref>https://www.theatlantic.com/daily-dish/archive/2010/08/-im-pat-fucking-tillman/183466/</ref> * No, I'm not! ** Who: American musician, music historian and ukulele player [[w:Tiny Tim (musician)|Tiny Tim]] (real name: Herbert Khaury) ** Tiny Tim suffered a heart attack while playing "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" at a Gala Benefit. His wife asked him if he was okay and he said, "No, I'm not!" After that he collapsed and died at a hospital in Minnesota. * ''Što sve to znači?'' ** Translation: What is this all about? ** Who: [[Josip Broz Tito]], leader of the [[w:Yugoslav Partisans]] and president [[w:Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia|Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia]] *** Note: Words spoken in the hospital, where Tito had been for some time as his condition continued to worsen. * ''Mihi vita immerenti eripitur; neque enim extat ullum meum factum paenitendum expecto dumtaxat uno.'' ** Translation: I deserve not death, but I repent nothing else in my life except for one thing. ** Who: [[w:Titus|Titus]], Roman Emperor * Get out here. I'm getting killed. ** Who: [[w:Timothy Treadwell|Timothy Treadwell]] *** Note: Said to his girlfriend, Amie Huguenard, as he was being mauled to death by a bear. Huguenard was also killed.<ref>{{cite news | first = Craig | last = Medred | url = http://www.adn.com/2003/10/09/585763/treadwell-get-out-here-im-getting.html | title = Treadwell: 'Get out here. I'm getting killed' | work = Anchorage Daily News | date = [[October 9]], [[2003]] | accessdate = 2010-06-02 }}</ref> * I am very sorry it is taking me so long to die. The Greater East Asia War was justified and righteous. I am very sorry for the nation and all the races of the Greater Asiatic powers. I wait for the righteous judgment of history. I wished to commit suicide but sometimes that fails. ** Who: [[Hideki Tōjō]] *** Note: He said these words after unsuccessfully trying to shoot himself in the heart. * Yes. ** Who: [[w:Alice B. Toklas|Alice B. Toklas]] *** Note: Her response when asked if she wanted to die. * But the peasants...how do the peasants die? ** Who: [[Leo Tolstoy]] * I'm at 900 feet. I don't think I can make the airport. Negative on the airport. ** Who: [[w:Peter Tomarken|Peter Tomarken]], game show host *** Note: Spoken over his plane's [[w:Cockpit voice recorder|CVR]], moments before it splashed into Santa Monica Bay, killing him and his wife Kathleen. * Yes, it'll be 150, Forest Lawn Cemetery, in the back of a Ford pickup. ** Who: [[w:Dick Trickle|Dick Trickle]], NASCAR driver *** Note: From a 911 call asking who was going to commit suicide. Trickle responded with "I'm the one." His granddaughter, who died in a car accident, was buried in the same cemetery. * I will not survive this attack. Stalin has finally accomplished the task he attempted unsuccessfully before. ** Who: [[Leon Trotsky]] ** According to: [[James P. Cannon]], the secretary of the Socialist Workers Party (USA) ** ''Don't kill this man. He has a story to tell.'' *** Right after being hurt, Trotsky said this to his guards, who were about to kill [[w:Ramón Mercader|Mercader]], the man who had mortally wounded him with an ice axe. ** ''I am close to death from the blow a political assassin... struck me down in my room. I struggled with him... we... entered... talk about French statistics... he struck me... Please say to our friends... I am sure... of the victory... of the Fourth International... Onward'' *** These are his last words as recorded by [[w:Isaac Deutscher |Isaac Deutscher]] in his book ''The Prophet Outcast''. * I go to prepare a place for you. * Swing low, swing chariot. ** Who: [[Harriet Tubman]], African-American abolitionist and political activist *** Note: The first quote was said to friends and family at her deathbed. One account states that Tubman told a clergyman, "Give my love to all the churches", and then a variation of the first quote which is a farewell passage that Tubman learned from [[w:Matthew the Apostle|Matthew]]: "I go away to prepare a place for you, and where I am ye may be also". The second quote is attributed to a report that Tubman gathered her family around and they sang together. * Yes sir, I would like to say to all of you – the Thornton family and Jerry Dean's family that I am so sorry. I hope God will give you peace with this. Baby, I love you. Ron, give Peggy a hug for me. Everybody has been so good to me. I love all of you very much. I am going to be face to face with Jesus now. Warden Baggett, thank all of you so much. You have been so good to me. I love all of you very much. I will see you all when you get there. I will wait for you. ** Who: [[w:Karla Faye Tucker|Karla Faye Tucker]] *** Note: Last words before being executed by lethal injection. * אין דבר, טוב למות בעד ארצנו (''Ein davar, tov lamut be'ad arzenu'') ** Translation: Never mind; it is good to die for our country. ** Who: [[w:Joseph Trumpeldor|Joseph Trumpeldor]] (1880-1920) ** Trumpeldor was a soldier and early pioneer/settler in Israel who died defending the Tel-Hai settlement from an Arab attack. *** Note: Modern Israeli jocular rumor claims Trumpeldor's actual last words were merely a juicy Russian curse. * ''Sāmoa, fīlēmū pea, ma si oʻu toto neʻi taʻuvalea, a ʻia aogā loʻu ola mo lenei mea.'' ** Translation: Samoa, be peaceful, my blood will not be slandered, yet my life will not be in vain for this. *** Also quoted as: My blood has been spilt for Samoa. I am proud to give it. Do not dream of avenging it, as it was spilt in peace. If I die, peace must be maintained at any price. ** Who: [[w:Tupua Tamasese Lealofi III|Tupua Tamasese Lealofi III]], Samoan paramount chief and [[w:Mau movement|Mau movement]] leader *** Note: Fatally shot by New Zealand colonial police during a peaceful demonstration welcoming home [[w:Alfred Smyth (politician)|Alfred Smyth]] from exile. * The sun is God. ** Who: [[J. M. W. Turner]] * It's in God's hands now. ** Who: [[Nat Turner]], enslaved African-American preacher and leader of a [[w:Nat Turner's slave rebellion|slave rebellion]], which he was later executed for. *** Note: Said immediately before he was hanged. * Good bye. If we meet- ** Who: [[Mark Twain]] *** Note: Spoken to his daughter Clara. * Doctor, I am going. ''[Doctor: "I hope not, sir."]'' Perhaps it is best. ** Who: [[John Tyler]], 10th President of the United States =U= *Tell the boys I'm coming home. ** Who: [[w:Wilbur Underhill|Wilbur Underhill]], bank robber. *No WWE talent becomes a legend on their own. Every man's heart one day beats its final beat. His lungs breathe their final breath. And if what that man did in his life makes the blood pulse through the body of others and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized. By the story tellers, by the loyalty, by the memory of those who honor him and make the running the man did live forever. You, you, you, you, you, you are the legend makers of Ultimate Warrior. In the back I see many potential legends. Some of them with warrior spirits. And you will do the same for them. You will decide if they lived with the passion and intensity. So much so that you will tell your stories and you will make them legends, as well. I am Ultimate Warrior. You are the Ultimate Warrior fans. And the spirit of the Ultimate Warrior will run forever! ** Who: [[w:The Ultimate Warrior|Ultimate Warrior]], American professional wrestler. *** Note: Spoken on the April 7, 2014 edition of ''[[w:WWE Raw|WWE Monday Night Raw]]'', addressing the live audience in what would be his final live appearance. The next day, he would die of a heart attack. Although these are not technically his last words, they are the last words the public heard him say. *There is shooting, people are being terrorized, people are inside their homes lying on the floor. We are suffering the consequences of the death of the head of state, I believe. We, the civilians, are in no way responsible for the death of our head of state. ** Who: [[w:Agathe Uwilingiyimana|Agathe Uwilingiyimana]], Prime Minister of Rwanda. Better known as "Madame Agathe". *** Note: This was part of an interview with [[w:Radio France|Radio France]] on the night of President [[w:Juvénal Habyarimana|Juvénal Habyarimana]]'s assassination. The following day, Rwandan troops stormed Madame Agathe's home and killed her. This event helped set off the [[w:Rwandan genocide|Rwandan genocide]]. =V= * Don't pull down the blinds. I feel fine. I want the sunlight to greet me! ** Who: [[w:Rudolph Valentino|Rudolph Valentino]], Italo-American actor and ''Latin Lover''. * I wish we could be there; you know how I love a party. ** Who: [[w:Rudy Vallée|Rudy Vallee]], one of the first American crooners. ** "There" was the centennial celebration of the Statue of Liberty, which Vallee was watching on television. *There is but one reliance. ** Who: [[Martin Van Buren]], 8th President of the United States * ''Genade, genade! We kunnen er toch over praten?'' ** Translation: Mercy, mercy! Can't we talk this over? ** Who: [[w:Theo van Gogh|Theo van Gogh]], Dutch film director and publicist. *** Note: Van Gogh said this to his murderer Mohammed Bouyeri, just before the latter stabbed him in his throat. * ''La tristesse durera toujours.'' ** Translation: The sadness will last forever. ** Who: [[Vincent van Gogh]], Dutch painter. * It is hovering and it's not an aircraft. ** Who: [[w:Valentich disappearance|Frederick Valentich]] *** Note: These were the last recorded words of Valentich, an Australian pilot, who disappeared after contacting air traffic control claiming to be pursued by a purported UFO. * I have had no real gratification or enjoyment of any sort more than my neighbour on the next block who is worth only half a million. ** Who: [[w:William Henry Vanderbilt|William Henry Vanderbilt]] (1821-1885), American businessman * ''...e saio da vida, para entrar na história.'' ** Translation: ...and I leave life so that I can walk into history. ** Who: [[w:Getulio Vargas|Getulio Vargas]], Brazilian President. *** Note: These were the last words written in his suicide letter. * Please leave the window open. ** Who: [[w:Jim Varney|Jim Varney]], actor. *** Note: These words were said to Varney's companion before dying from lung cancer. * All right then, I'll say it: Dante makes me sick. ** Who: [[w:Lope de Vega|Lope de Vega]], famous playwright, on being assured that the end was very near. * ''La Révolution est comme Saturne : elle dévore ses propres enfants.'' ** Translation: The revolution is like Saturn: It devours its own children. ** Who: [[Pierre Vergniaud]], French revolutionary * ''Vae, puto, deus fio... imperatorem stantem oportet mori.'' (when he thought he was dying) ** Translation: Woe, I think I'm turning into a god... An emperor should die on his feet. ** Who: [[w:Vespasian|Vespasian]], Roman emperor ** Source: [[Suetonius]] *** Note: And indeed, Vespasian was deified after his death. This comment is thought to be sarcastic, expressing Vespasian's disdain for apotheosis. *We made a death pact, and I have to accomplish my part of the deal. Please bury me next to my baby. Please bury me with my leather jacket, jeans and motorcycle boots. Goodbye. With love, Sid. ** Who: [[Sid Vicious]], bassist of the [[Sex Pistols]] *** Note: Talking about his girlfriend, Nancy, who had died a month earlier. * For hearing, we need a language. ** Who: [[w:M. N. Vijayan|M. N. Vijayan]] *** Note: Vijayan died from a massive heart attack during a recorded speech. These were his last words. * ''Ho offeso Dio e l'umanità perché il mio lavoro non ha raggiunto la qualità che dovrebbe avere.'' ** Translation: I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have. ** Who: [[Leonardo da Vinci]] *''Mantua me genuit, Calabri rapuere, tenet nunc Parthenope; cecini pascua rura duces.'' ** Translation: Mantua bore me, Calabria snatched me away, now Naples holds me; I sang of pastures, fields, and kings. ** Who: [[Virgil]], Roman Poet, he wrote the [[w:Eclogues|Eclogues]] (pastoral poetry), the [[w:Georgics|Georgics]] (ostensibly a didactic guide to farming), and the [[w:Aeneid|Aeneid]] (the foundation myth of Rome), hence "pastures, fields and kings." * Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies. [''attributed''] ** Who: [[Voltaire]], when asked by a priest to renounce Satan *** Note: Other sources say his final words were "I am abandoned by God and man! I will give you half of what I am worth if you will give me six months' life. Then I shall go to hell; and you will go with me. O Christ! O Jesus Christ!"; the earliest report of this version was by Charles Buck, an American preacher, who wrote of it in 1822, more than forty years after the death of Voltaire. ** Another variant is "For God's sake, leave me alone!", when asked by the priest to renounce Satan. =W= * The doctor says I won't get home for the celebration. ** Who: [[w:Robert Wadlow|Robert Wadlow]], Also known as the Alton Giant, tallest man in the world *** Note: This is what Wadlow said before he died in his sleep. * ''Meine Uhr!'' ** Translation: My watch! ** Who: [[Richard Wagner]], German composer *** Note: Wagner was dying in his wife's arms when a watch fell from his pocket onto the floor. These words have been contradicted by other sources. The words "Love – Tragedy" have also been attributed as his final; his last recorded words were "I am fond of them, of the inferior beings of the abyss, of those who are full of longing." * These confounded railroads have a passion for smashing up my best cars. ** Who: [[w:Webster Wagner|Webster Wagner]] *** These are the last words Wagner, founder of the sleeper-car company that bore his name and a New York state senator at the time of his death, is known to have said before dying in the [[w:1882 Spuyten Duyvil train wreck|1882 Spuyten Duyvil train wreck]]. The train had stopped unexpectedly between stations after another state legislator, reportedly intoxicated, thought it would be funny to pull the emergency brake. After saying this, Wagner got up to investigate the reason for the stop. Minutes later, another train rear-ended the one he was on; his severely burnt body was later found crushed to death between two of his own company's cars. * Let's go for a drive. ** Who: [[w:Paul Walker|Paul Walker]] * Alaska, play "My Way" by Frank Sinatra. ** Who: [[w:Art Wander|Art Wander]], American broadcaster known for his work in the beautiful music radio format. *** Note: "Alaska" was his nickname for his [[w:Amazon Alexa|Alexa]] speaker.<ref>{{Cite web |date=2025-08-14 |title=Veteran Buffalo broadcaster Art Wander dies at 98 |url=https://www.audacy.com/wben/news/local/veteran-buffalo-broadcaster-art-wander-dies-at-98 |access-date=2025-08-14 |website=[[WBEN (AM)|WBEN]] |language=en}}</ref> * Take me home. I was born in the South and I wish to die and be buried in the South. ** Who: [[Booker T. Washington]] * I am just going. Have me decently buried and do not let my body be into a vault in less than two days after I am dead. Do you understand me? [''"Yes," replied Tobias Lear, his secretary.''] {{'}}Tis well. **Who: [[George Washington]], first President of the United States *** Note: Washington had a fear of being buried alive. * Ain't that a bitch. ** Who: [[w:Johnny Watson|Johnny "Guitar" Watson]], American blues, soul, and funk musician. * I am very sensible of the attatchment you show me, and I hasten to thank you for it, as I feel I am now come to my last illness. ** Who: [[w:James Watt|James Watt]], Scottish inventor, mechanical engineer, and chemist. *** Note: He was speaking to his friends, who were at his bedside. *I'm out of here, man. I'm gone. Keep me in your hearts. ** Who: Kevin Watts *** Note: Last words before being executed by lethal injection for a triple murder. *Carry me to the fort, boys. Let's go forward. ** Who: [[Anthony Wayne]] *** Note: The "fort" might be Fort Presque Isle, which is now Erie, PA. *Of course I know who you are. You're my girl. I love you. ** Who: [[John Wayne]], spoken to his wife. * This is your friend. Don't forget to tell me how your mother is. ** Who: [[Orson Welles]] *** Note: Message left on a friend's answering machine before he died. * Go away. I'm all right. ** Who: [[H. G. Wells]] *** Note: Wells did not realize he was dying. *The best of all is: God is with us. ** Who: [[John Wesley]] *Get 'em all out of here! ** Who: Roy Westerfield, Company Comptroller for Pacific Engineering Production Company of Nevada ([[w:PEPCON disaster|PEPCON]]) of Henderson, Nevada *** Note: Moments before the plant was engulfed in a massive explosion on May 4, 1988, he was talking to a fire department dispatcher over the telephone, when he shouted those words to fellow employee Bruce Halker, who was guiding other employees out of the building. They were both killed in the explosion.[http://classiclasvegas.squarespace.com/classic-las-vegas-blog/2008/5/6/pepcon-explosion-20-years-gone.html] *What did I do wrong? ** Who: [[w:Murder of Jacob Wetterling|Jacob Wetterling]] *** Note: Jacob Wetterling was an 11-year old boy who was kidnapped and sexually assaulted by pedophile Danny Heinrich on October 22, 1989. Years later, Heinrich himself admitted that Wetterling said these words before he killed him by shooting him twice in the head. * I ''know'' it! ** Who: Captain Larry Wheaton to First Officer Roger Pettit of [[w:Air Florida Flight 90|Air Florida Flight 90]], January 13, 1982. Spoken in response to Pettit's comment, "Larry! We're going down, Larry!" * Let's go, I'm ready to go for this thing, we can win this thing! ** Who: [[w:Dan Wheldon|Dan Wheldon]], two time Indianapolis 500 winner and 2005 IndyCar Champion *** Note: According to his team owner at the time, Sam Schmidt, these were his last words over his team radio during the early stages of the 2011 IndyCar IZOD World Championships at Las Vegas Motor Speedway. Eleven laps into the event, a fifteen-car accident in Turn 3 launched his car into the air, and up against the catchfence, killing him instantly. * Leave me alone - I'm fine. ** Who: [[w:Barry White|Barry White]] * Allen! ** Who: [[w:Betty White|Betty White]], American comedienne *** Note: Reportedly. If genuine, probably referring to her late husband [[w:Allen Ludden|Allen Ludden]], who had died 40 years prior.[https://pagesix.com/2022/01/03/vicki-lawrence-reveals-betty-whites-last-word-before-death/] * Shift! Shift! ** Who: [[w:Walt Whitman|Walt Whitman]] * My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go. ** Who: [[Oscar Wilde]] ** Variation: These curtains are killing me, one of us has got to go. ** Popular variation often found in "Famous Last Words"-lists: "Either the wallpaper goes, or I do." *** Note: Mr. Wilde said this in the Left Bank hotel where he died on November 30 1900, the wallpaper has since been removed and the room re-furnished in the style of one of Mr. Wilde's London flats. ** Quibble: He actually said this a couple of weeks before his death. ** He was also reported to have ordered a bottle of the hotel's most expensive champagne to later say: I am dying beyond my means. ** Oscar Wilde died of cerebral meningitis on 30 November 1900. The last words he tried to utter were the Holy Names, the Acts of Contrition, Faith, Hope and Charity, with acts of humble resignation to the Will of God, which are all part of the Last Sacraments that were administered to him on 29 November. * ''A mon Madame, de Sacré Maria, jo comant cros, a il, a ses preres, vait moi acorder a privé Fiz, nostre Seignur, Jhesu Christ.'' ** Translation: To my Lady, the Holy Mary, I commend myself; that she, by her prayers, may reconcile me to her most dear Son, our Lord Jesus Christ. ** Who: [[William the Conqueror|William I of England]], aka [[w:William the Conqueror|William the Conqueror]]. * ''Descorde, Walter, a nom de le deable!'' ** Translation: Shoot, Walter, in the devil's name! ** Who: [[w:William II of England|William II of England]] * Can this last long? ** Who: [[William III of England]], when his doctor told him that he was ill. * ''Mon Dieu, mon Dieu, ayez pitié de mon âme et de ce pauvre peuple.'' ** Translation: My Lord, my Lord, have pity upon my soul and these poor people. ** Who: [[William the Silent]], Father of the Netherlands. He was shot and died soon after. * That's a nice way to die. They was laughing when I made my last exit. ** Who: [[w:Bert Williams|Bert Williams]], one of the first successful black vaudevillians *** Note: Williams collapsed on-stage in 1922, which the audience presumed was part of the comedy act and laughed. * No. ** Who: [[w:Hank Williams|H. K. "Hank" Williams]], American country singer *** Note: In response to whether he wanted something to eat. * Oh, what's the bloody point? ** Who: [[w:Kenneth Williams|Kenneth Williams]], British actor and raconteur. This was the final entry in his diary. * All praise be to Allah in every situation!!! ** Who: [[W:Marcellus Williams|Marcellus Williams]], convicted of the 1998 murder of reporter Felicia Gayle *** Note: Last written statement given before his execution. DNA evidence found at the crime scene did not match Williams, which had led to numerous calls for the execution to be stopped. * Goodnight, my love. Goodnight. Goodnight. ** Who: [[Robin Williams]] *** Note: Spoken to his wife Susan on the night before he committed suicide; she confirmed that these were the last words he said to her in an interview on ABC News. * You guys doin' that right? ** Who: [[W:Stanley Williams|Stanley 'Tookie' Williams]], gangster and co-founder of [[W:The Crips|The Crips]], d. December 13, 2005. Said to his executioners who appeared to be having trouble operating the machinery. * The act of taking my own life is not something I am doing without a lot of thought. I don't believe that people should take their own lives without deep and thoughtful reflection over a considerable period of time. I do believe strongly, however, that the right to do so is one of the most fundamental rights that anyone in a free society should have. For me much of the world makes no sense, but my feelings about what I am doing ring loud and clear to an inner ear and a place where there is no self, only calm. Love always, Wendy. ** Who: [[W:Wendy O. Williams|Wendy O. Williams]], punk rock performer * Man, it's just raining like a son of a gun. ** Who: Kelley Williamson, [[w:storm chasing|storm chaser]] and co-host of The Weather Channel series Storm Wranglers. *** Note: During a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cN08-h8DY6Q livestreamed storm chase] on March 28, 2017, Williamson uttered these words just before he sped through a stop sign near the town of Spur, Texas (the stream audio and video cuts out moments before entering the junction). The car struck a Jeep driven by another storm chaser, and Williamson, not wearing a seatbelt, was ejected from the vehicle and killed instantly. Series co-host Randy Yarnall, who was Williamson's passenger, and the driver of the Jeep were also killed instantly. * My heart is crying, crying... ** Who: [[w:Jackie Wilson|Jackie Wilson]], American singer and performer *** Note: On 29 September 1975, he was singing his hit song "Lonely Teardrops" when he suffered a massive heart attack on stage at the Latin Casino in Cherry Hill, NJ. The lack of oxygen to his brain left him comatose for the remainder of his life. He died nine years later on 21 January 1984. {{cite book |title= Notable Last Facts: A Compendium of Endings, Conclusions, Terminations and Final Events Throughout History|last= Brahms|first= William B. |year= 2005|publisher= [[Reference Desk Press, Inc]]|location= Haddonfield, NJ|isbn= 978-09765325-0-6|page= 354}}. *Various medical authorities swarm in and out of here predicting I have between two days and two months to live. I think they are guessing. I remain cheerful and unimpressed. I look forward without dogmatic optimism but without dread. I love you all and I deeply implore you to keep the lasagna flying. Please pardon my levity, I don't see how to take death seriously. It seems absurd. ** Who: [[Robert Anton Wilson]], Philosopher, Playwright, Science Fiction Author. Final blog entry, five days before his death <!-- I don't know if these qualify as "Last words" but I will retain them until something more definitive is provided, they might be retained as a comment beneath any actual last words. --> (6 January 2007) *I'm not going to waste no time talking about my lifestyle, my case, my punishment. Mom, you've been there for me from the beginning. I love you. To my nieces, nephew and uncle I love you very much. Y'all stick together. Don't worry about me. I'm OK. ** Who: [[w:Willie Williams (murderer)|William James "Flip" Williams, Jr.]], executed by the State of Ohio for murder. He was pronounced dead at 10:20 a.m. EDT on October 25, 2005 after the lethal injection at the Southern Ohio Correctional Facility in Lucasville, Ohio. He did not have a last meal request, though did have a cup of coffee. His final statement is recorded above. * I am a broken piece of machinery. When the machine is broken... I am ready. ** Who: [[Woodrow Wilson]], 28th President of the United States * I don't want to die. ** Who: [[Amy Winehouse]] *** Note: Spoken to her doctor over the phone two hours prior to her death. * Tell them I've had a wonderful life. ** Who: [[Ludwig Wittgenstein]] *** Note: This came as a surprise to the friends that heard this, as he was considered not to have lived an easy life. * Six one going down. ** Who: Chief Warrant Officer Cliff "Elvis" Wolcott, pilot of black hawk helicopter Super Six One. *** Note: Wolcott's helicopter was shot down by an RPG during the [[w:Battle of Mogadishu|Battle of Mogadishu]]. This was his last recorded radio transmission; he and copilot CWO Donovan "Bull" Briley were killed in the crash. **Source: [[w:Black Hawk Down (book)|Black Hawk Down]]. * Dearest, I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that – everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been. V. ** Who: [[Virginia Woolf]], author, in her suicide note to her husband. d. March 28, 1941 * Yes, I would just like to say I'm sailing with the rock, and I'll be back, like ''Independence Day'' with Jesus. June 6, like the movie. Big mother ship and all, I'll be back, I'll be back. ** Who: [[w:Aileen Wuornos|Aileen Wuornos]], convicted and executed serial killer. =X= * Brothers! Brothers, please! This is a house of peace! ** Who: [[Malcolm X]] ** Other reports have his last words being "Now, now, brothers, break it up, be cool, be calm." *** Note: Two men were staging a fight in the audience he was addressing to distract attention from assassins who were drawing their guns to shoot him. Reportedly, Malcolm was dead before his body struck the floor. * In Thee, O Lord, have I trusted. ** Who: [[w:Francisco Ximenez de Cisneros|Francisco Ximenez de Cisneros]] *** Note: A prayer from the Psalms. =Y= * I don't blame my executioners. I'll pray that the Gods bless them. Please send my thankful word to Col. Clarke and Lt. Col. Feldhaus, Lt. Col. Hendrix, Maj. Guy, Capt. Sandburg, Capt. Reel, at Manila court, and Col. Arnard. I thank you. I pray for the Emperor's long life and prosperity forever. **Who: General [[Tomoyuki Yamashita]] * 나의 죽음을 알리지 마라. (''Naui jug-eum-eul alliji mala.'') ** Translation: Do not let my death be known. ** Who: General [[w:Yi Sun-sin|Yi Sun-sin]], a Korean naval commander. *** Note: He told his nephew to wear his armor and to hide his death until the battle is over to avoid demoralizing his men in the middle of battle. * Kill me good. ** Who: [[w:Lum You|Lum You]], convicted murderer. *** Note: Spoken to his executioner. * והכינו כסא לחזקיהו מלך יהודה שבא (''Vehachinu kisse leChizkiyyahu melech Yehudah shebba'') ** Translation: And prepare a throne for Hezekiah, King of Judah, who is coming. ** Who: [[w:Yohanan ben Zakkai|Yohanan ben Zakkai]] * Joseph! Joseph! Joseph! ** Who: [[Brigham Young]] *** Referring to his predecessor as LDS Church president, [[Joseph Smith, Jr.]] =Z= * Let's rock. **Who: [[w:Edmund Zagorski|Edmund Zagorski]], convicted murderer, shortly before execution November 1, 2018. * You give me electric chair. I no afraid of that chair! You one of capitalist! You is crook man, too! Put me in electric chair! I no care! [''upon a minister trying to calm him''] Get the hell out of here, you son of a bitch! [''resuming his initial speech''] I got sit down all by myself... Viva Italia! Goodbye to all poor peoples everywhere! Lousy capitalist! No picture! No one here to take my picture! All capitalists lousy bunch of crooks! [''as his head was strapped in''] Adios to all the world! Go ahead! Push the button! **Who: [[w:Giuseppe Zangara|Giuseppe Zangara]], who in 1933 had attempted to assassinate President-elect Franklin D. Roosevelt, and in doing so mortally wounded Chicago mayor Anton Cermak. His last words were dramatized in the 1991 musical ''[[w:Assassins (musical)|Assassins]] '' by [[Stephen Sondheim]] and [[John Weidman]]. * ירא יהוה וידרש (''Yerei Yawe v'yid'rosh'') ** Translation: May Yahweh see and avenge! *** Who: [[w:Zechariah ben Jehoiada|Zechariah ben Jehoiada]] * 我感觉不舒服。 打电话给医生。 (''Wǒ gǎnjué bú shūfú. Dǎ diànhuà gěi yīshēng.'') ** Translation: I feel ill. Call the doctors. *** Who: [[Mao Zedong]] * Well, we fooled 'em for a long time, didn't we? ** Who: [[w:Zip the Pinhead|William Henry "Zip the Pinhead" Johnson]] *** Note: Spoken to his sister, Sarah van Duyne. Also known as "What-Is-It?", he was a circus sideshow performer, known for his oddly tapered head. While he was presented as a [[w:Microcephaly|microcephalic]] (or "pin-head'), he was not one in reality, nor did he have any mental disabilities as do authentic microcephalics. * Curtain! Fast music! Light! Ready for the last finale! Great! The show looks good, the show looks good! ** Who: [[w:Florenz Ziegfeld|Florenz Ziegfeld]], Showman *** Note: He shouted these words in a delirium on his deathbed. * Uh, we climbing to four thousand, two echo x-ray. ** Who: [[w:2020 Calabasas helicopter crash|Ara Zobayan]], pilot of the [[w:2020 Calabasas helicopter crash|Kobe Bryant helicopter crash]] *** Note: [https://dms.ntsb.gov/pubdms/search/document.cfm?docID=484471&docketID=63911&mkey=100863 Last transmission sent by Zobayan at 9:45:19am], in response to SCT TRACON asking for the pilot's intentions after confirming flight following for N72EX. The pilot, likely losing situational awareness due to flying in low visibility, accidentally crashed into a mountainside twenty seconds later. All nine onboard, including Kobe Bryant and daughter Gianna, were killed instantly. * Farewell, comrades! Fight, do not be afraid! [[Stalin]] is with us! Stalin will come! ** Who: [[w:Zoya Kosmodemyanskaya|Zoya Kosmodemyanskaya]], [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] partisan *** Note: She was executed after acts of sabotage against the invading armies of [[Nazi Germany]]. =?= * Not bloody likely! ** Who: Unknown British Sergeant *** Note: Reportedly said during the last stand of the 44th Regiment of Foot, in response to an offer of surrender, shortly before their massacre by Afghan fighters at the Battle of Gandamak. * ''Mein Gott, warum hast du mich verlassen? Sich fügen heißt lügen. Wenn es einen Gott gibt, muß er mich um Verzeihung bitten.'' ** Translation: My god, why have you forsaken me? To bend means to lie. If there is a god, he must ask me forgiveness. ** Who: Unknown concentration camp prisoner *** Note: These words were found scribbled into a cell wall at the Mauthausen concentration camp, its author a Jewish prisoner. 'To bend means to lie' is from a 1920 poem titled "The Prisoner", written by Erich Mühsam, a German-Jewish antimilitarist anarchist poet. * ''Hier, hier ist das deutsche Herz!'' ** Translation: Here, here is the German heart! ** Who: The last of the "Schillschen officers" - a group of eleven Prussian officers executed on the Schillschen Field in Wesel, Germany, by Napoleon's troops. *** Note: Reportedly said after his ten fellow-officers were shot by the firing squad, leaving him alive unintentionally. He was promptly shot. * Ma, I love you. ** Who: Unidentified [[w:PSA Flight 182|PSA Flight 182]] crew member. *** Note: Last words recorded by the CVR of the flight, shortly after colliding mid-air with a Cessna while attempting to land. The plane crashed three seconds later. * June 3. Cold Harbor. I was killed. ** Who: Unidentified Union Soldier *** Note: Found in a blood-spattered diary on the body of an anonymous Union soldier on [[w:Battle of Cold Harbor|June 3, 1864]]. ==See also== {{Wikipedia}} {{wiktionary}} *[[Cemetery]] *[[Death]] *[[Epitaph]] *[[Funeral]] *[[Grave (burial)]] *[[Immortality]] *[[Suicide notes]] *[[Undertakers]] ==External links== *[http://www.facebook.com/pages/Reference-Desk-Press-Inc/143911585633276 Last Words of Notable People] *[http://www.corsinet.com/braincandy/dying.html Dying words of famous people] *[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBmjLEq9-1k "Geeking out over dying declarations"] [[Category:Last words|*]] =References= {{reflist}} e4oslkst7p0yxv8xbcozxtrx6o1f9de 0 484 3949528 3938477 2026-06-06T11:21:31Z Ziv 3115402 ([[c:GR|GR]]) [[c:COM:FR|File renamed]]: [[File:The Philosopher.jpg]] → [[File:Édouard Manet - Beggar with Oysters (Philosopher).jpg]] [[c:COM:FR#FR2|Criterion 2]] · Artist's name and exact description 3949528 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:George_Orwell_press_photo.jpg|thumb|[[Politics|Political]] [[language]]&nbsp;— and with variations this is true of all political parties, from [[Conservatives]] to [[Anarchists]]&nbsp;— is designed to make [[lies]] sound [[truthful]] and [[murder]] respectable, and to give an [[appearance]] of solidity to pure [[wind]].]] [[File:George-orwell-BBC.jpg|thumb|Until they become [[conscious]] they will never [[rebel]], and until after they have rebelled they cannot become conscious.]] '''[[w:George Orwell|George Orwell]]''' ([[25 June]] [[1903]]&nbsp;– [[21 January]] [[1950]]) was the pen name of British novelist, essayist, and journalist '''Eric Arthur Blair''', whose work is characterised by lucid prose, [[awareness]] of [[social justice|social injustice]], opposition to [[totalitarianism]], and strong support of [[democratic socialism]]. :See also: ::'''''[[The Road to Wigan Pier]]''''' (1937) ::'''''[[Animal Farm]]''''' (1945) ::'''''[[Nineteen Eighty-Four]]''''' (1949) ::[[Nineteen Eighty-Four (film)|'''''Nineteen Eighty-Four''''' (1984 film based on the novel)]] == Quotes == [[File:George Orwell statue - BBC London (38562767202).jpg|thumb|A man may take to drink because he [[feels]] himself to be a [[failure]], and then fail all the more completely because he drinks. It is rather the same thing that is happening to the [[English language]]. It becomes [[ugly]] and inaccurate because our [[thoughts]] are [[foolish]], but the slovenliness of our language makes it easier for us to have foolish thoughts.]][[File:Horace Vernet-Barricade rue Soufflot.jpg|thumb|In [[England]], a century of strong [[government]] has developed what [[O. Henry]] called ''the stern and rugged [[fear]] of the [[police]]'' to a point where any public protest seems an indecency. But in [[France]] everyone can remember a certain amount of civil disturbance ... The highly socialised modern mind, which makes a kind of composite [[Deity|god]] out of the rich, the [[government]], the police and the larger newspapers, has not been developed — at least not yet.]] [[File:MFtatebritain1.jpg|thumb|We have now sunk to a depth at which the restatement of the obvious is the first [[duty]] of intelligent men.]] [[File:Cal50_Browning_2REI_2.jpg|thumb|A liberal intelligentsia is lacking. Bully-worship, under various disguises, has become a universal [[religion]], and such truisms as that a machine-[[gun]] is still a machine-gun even when a "good" man is squeezing the trigger ... have turned into heresies which it is actually becoming [[dangerous]] to utter.]] [[File:Charles_Dickens_3.jpg|thumb|He is laughing, with a touch of [[anger]] in his [[laughter]], but no triumph, no malignity. It is the [[face]] of a man who is always fighting against something, but who fights in the open and is not frightened, the face of a man who is generously angry — in other words, of a nineteenth-century liberal, a free intelligence, a type hated with equal hatred by all the smelly little orthodoxies which are now contending for our [[souls]].]] [[File:Bundesarchiv_Bild_183-H12148,_Nürnberg,_Reichsparteitag.jpg|thumb|The [[fallacy]] is to [[believe]] that under a dictatorial [[government]] you can be [[free]] ''inside''.]] [[File:CroppedStalin1943.jpg|thumb|I consider that willingness to criticize [[Russia]] and [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]] is ''the'' test of intellectual [[honesty]].]] [[File:Here_are_the_the_liberators-Italian_WWII_Poster_-_Statue_of_Liberty.jpg|thumb|To admit that an opponent might be both [[honest]] and [[intelligent]] is felt to be intolerable. It is more immediately satisfying to shout that he is a [[fool]] or a scoundrel, or both, than to find out what he is really like.]] [[File:Broken-chains.png|thumb| Looking at the [[world]] as a whole, the drift for many decades has been not towards [[anarchy]] but towards the reimposition of [[slavery]].]] [[File:Otto_Greiner_-_Prometheus.jpg|thumb|The whole idea of [[revenge]] and [[punishment]] is a childish day-dream. Properly speaking, there is no such thing as revenge.]] [[File:1938_Naka_yoshi_sangoku.jpg|thumb|Each generation imagines itself to be more [[intelligent]] than the one that went before it, and [[wiser]] than the one that comes after it.]] [[File:1984-Big-Brother.jpg|thumb|A [[totalitarian]] state is in effect a [[theocracy]], and its ruling caste, in order to keep its position, has to be thought of as infallible.]] [[File:Barnhill.jpg|thumb|So long as I remain alive and well I shall continue to [[feel]] strongly about prose style, to [[love]] the surface of the [[Earth]], and to take [[pleasure]] in solid objects and scraps of useless [[information]].]] [[File:Harikalar_Diyari_Gulliver_05975_nevit.jpg|thumb|If I had to make a list of six [[books]] which were to be preserved when all others were destroyed, I would certainly put ''[[w:Gulliver's Travels|Gulliver's Travels]]'' among them.]] [[File:Flag_of_the_Popular_Front_(Spain).svg|thumb|Every line of serious work that I have written since 1936 has been written, directly or indirectly, against [[totalitarianism]] and for [[democratic]] [[Socialism]], as I [[understand]] it.]] [[File:Flag_of_the_Soviet_Union_(1923-1955).svg|thumb| In my [[opinion]], nothing has contributed so much to the [[corruption]] of the original idea of socialism as the belief that Russia is a socialist country and that every act of its rulers must be excused, if not imitated.]] [[File:39_Zis_Stalin.jpg|thumb|I had seen little [[evidence]] that the USSR was progressing towards anything that one could [[truly]] call [[Socialism]].]] [[File:Animalism flag.svg|thumb|If [[liberty]] means anything at all, it means the [[right]] to tell people what they do not want to hear.]] [[File:Nuclear_artillery_test_Grable_Event_-_Part_of_Operation_Upshot-Knothole.jpg|thumb|Sooner or later a false [[belief]] bumps up against solid [[reality]], usually on a battlefield.]] [[File:Bundesarchiv_Bild_183-B06275,_Berlin,_Reichstagssitzung,_Rede_Adolf_Hitler.jpg|thumb|Public [[opinion]], because of the tremendous urge to conformity in gregarious [[animals]], is less tolerant than any [[system]] of [[law]].]] [[File:1933-may-10-berlin-book-burning.JPG|thumb| Threats to [[freedom of speech]], [[writing]] and [[action]], though often trivial in isolation, are cumulative in their effect and, unless checked, lead to a general disrespect for the rights of the citizen.]] [[File:SHAEF_Shoulder_Patch.svg|thumb|It appears to me that one defeats the [[fanatic]] precisely by ''not'' being a fanatic oneself, but on the contrary by using one's [[intelligence]].]] * '''Spending the [[night]] out of doors has nothing attractive about it in [[London]], especially for a poor, ragged, undernourished wretch.''' Moreover sleeping in the open is only allowed in one thoroughfare in London. If the policeman on his beat finds you asleep, it is his [[duty]] to wake you up. That is because it has been found that a sleeping man succumbs to the cold more easily than a man who is awake, and [[England]] could not let one of her sons die in the street. So you are at [[liberty]] to spend the night in the street, providing it is a sleepless night. But there is one road where the homeless are allowed to sleep. Strangely, it is the [[w:Thames Embankment|Thames Embankment]], not far from the Houses of Parliament. We advise all those visitors to England who would like to see the reverse side of our apparent [[prosperity]] to go and look at those who habitually sleep on the Embankment, with their filthy tattered clothes, their bodies wasted by disease, a living reprimand to the [[Parliament of the United Kingdom|Parliament]] in whose [[shadow]] they lie. ** "Beggars in London", in ''Le Progrès Civique'' (12 January 1929), translated into English by Janet Percival and Ian Willison * This means no more than ''vae victis'' - '''woe to the creed that is not backed by machine-guns!''' **Review of ''The Two Carlyles'' by Osbert Burdett, in ''The Adelphi'' (March 1931) *To the well-fed it seems cowardly to complain of tight boots, because the well-fed live in a different world-a world where, if your boots are tight, you can change them; their minds are not warped by petty discomfort. But below a certain income the petty crowds the large out of existence; one's preoccupation is not with [[art]] or [[religion]], but with bad [[food]], hard beds, drudgery and the sack. '''[[Serenity]] is impossible to a poor man in a cold country''' and even his active thoughts will go in more or less sterile complaint. ** Review of ''Hunger and Love'' by Lionel Britton, in ''The Adelphi'' (April 1931) *And once, in spite of the men who gripped him by each shoulder, he stepped slightly aside to avoid a puddle on the path. It is curious, but till that moment I had never realised what it means to destroy a healthy, conscious man. When I saw the prisoner step aside to avoid the puddle, I saw the mystery, the unspeakable wrongness, of cutting a life short when it is in full tide. '''This man was not dying, he was alive just as we were alive. All the organs of his body were working – bowels digesting food, skin renewing itself, nails growing, tissues forming – all toiling away in solemn foolery. His nails would still be growing when he stood on the drop, when he was falling through the air with a tenth of a second to live. His eyes saw the yellow gravel and the grey walls, and his [[brain]] still remembered, foresaw, reasoned – reasoned even about puddles.''' He and we were a party of men walking together, seeing, hearing, feeling, understanding the same world; and in two minutes, with a sudden snap, one of us would be gone – one mind less, one world less. **"A Hanging", in ''The Adelphi'' (August 1931) * In England, a century of strong [[government]] has developed what [[O. Henry]] called ''the stern and rugged [[fear]] of the police'' to a point where any public protest seems an indecency. But '''in [[France]] everyone can remember a certain amount of civil disturbance, and even the workmen in the bistros talk of ''la revolution'' — meaning the next revolution, not the last one.''' The highly socialised modern mind, which makes a kind of composite god out of the rich, the government, the [[police]] and the larger [[newspapers]], has not been developed — at least not yet. ** Review of ''The Civilization of France'' by Ernst Robert Curtius; translated by Olive Wyon, in ''The Adelphi'' (May 1932) *As to a pseudonym, a name I always use when tramping etc is P. S. Burton, but if you don't think this sounds a probable kind of name, what about Kenneth Miles, George Orwell, H. Lewis Allways. '''I rather favour George Orwell.''' **Letter to Leonard Moore (19 November 1932) **''The Collected Essays, Journalism & Letters, George Orwell: An Age Like This, 1920–1940'', Editors: Sonia Orwell, Ian Angus.  p. 106. * '''Man is not a Yahoo, but he is rather like a Yahoo and needs to be reminded of it from time to time.''' ** Review of ''[[w:Tropic of Cancer (novel)|Tropic of Cancer]]'', in ''New English Weekly'' (14 November 1935) * Think of life as it really is, think of the details of life; and then think that there is no meaning in it, no purpose, no goal except the grave. Surely only fools or self-deceivers, or those whose lives are exceptionally fortunate, can face that thought without flinching? ** ''[[w:A Clergyman's Daughter|A Clergyman's Daughter]]'', Ch. 2 (1935) * It is a mysterious thing, the loss of faith-as mysterious as faith itself. Like faith, it is ultimately not rooted in logic; it is a change in the climate of the mind. ** ''A Clergyman's Daughter'', Ch. 5 * There is a geographical element in all belief-saying what seem profound truths in India have a way of seeming enormous platitudes in England, and ''vice versa''. Perhaps the fundamental difference is that beneath a tropical sun individuality seems less distinct and the loss of it less important. ** Review of ''Indian Mosaic'' by Mark Channing, in ''The Listener'' (15 July 1936) * I am struck again by the fact that as soon as a working man gets an official post in the [[Trade unions|Trade Union]] or goes into Labour politics, he becomes middle-class whether he will or no. ie. by fighting against the [[bourgeoisie]] he becomes a bourgeois. The fact is that you cannot help living in the manner appropriate and developing the ideology appropriate to your income. ** ''The Road to Wigan Pier Diary 6-10 February (1936)'' *For the dreadful thing about the kind of brutalities here described, is that they are quite unavoidable. '''When a subject population rises in revolt you have got to suppress it, and you can only do so by methods which make nonsense of any claim for the superiority of western civilisation. In order to rule over barbarians, you have got to become a barbarian yourself.''' **Review of ''Zest for Life'' by Johann Wöller, in ''Time and Tide'' (17 October 1936) *In a town like London there are always plenty of not quite certifiable lunatics walking the streets, and they tend to gravitate towards bookshops, because a bookshop is one of the few places where you can hang about for a long time without spending any money. **“Bookshop Memories” in ''Fortnightly'' (November 1936) * In addition to this there is the horrible — the really disquieting — prevalence of cranks wherever Socialists are gathered together. One sometimes gets the impression that the mere words '[[Socialism]]' and '[[Communism]]' draw towards them with magnetic force every fruit-juice drinker, nudist, sandal-wearer, sex-maniac, [[Quaker]], 'Nature Cure' quack, pacifist, and feminist in England. ** ''[[w:The Road to Wigan Pier|The Road to Wigan Pier]]'' (1937) - [http://gutenberg.net.au/ebooks02/0200391.txt Full text online] *When I left Barcelona in late June the jails were bulging; indeed, the regular jails had long since overflowed and the prisoners were being huddled into empty shops and any other temporary dump that could be found for them. But the point to notice is that the people who are in prison now are not Fascists but revolutionaries; they are there not because their opinions are too much to the Right, but because they are too much to the Left. And the people responsible for putting them there are those dreadful revolutionaries at whose very name Garvin quakes in his galoshes – the Communists. **[https://www.orwellfoundation.com/the-orwell-foundation/orwell/essays-and-other-works/spilling-the-spanish-beans-2/ “Spilling the Spanish Beans,”] ''New English Weekly'', (July 29 and Sept. 2, 1937) *And so the game continues. The logical end is a régime in which every opposition party and newspaper is suppressed and every dissentient of any importance is in jail. Of course, such a régime will be Fascism. It will not be the same as the Fascism Franco would impose, it will even be better than Franco’s Fascism to the extent of being worth fighting for, but it will be Fascism. Only, being operated by Communists and Liberals, it will be called something different. **[https://www.orwellfoundation.com/the-orwell-foundation/orwell/essays-and-other-works/spilling-the-spanish-beans-2/ “Spilling the Spanish Beans,”] ''New English Weekly'', (July 29 and Sept. 2, 1937) *Later, as power slipped from the hands of the [[Anarchism|Anarchists]] into the hands of the Communists and right-wing Socialists, the Government was able to reassert itself, the bourgeoisie came out of hiding and the old division of society into rich and poor reappeared, not much modified. Henceforward every move, except a few dictated by military emergency, was directed towards undoing the work of the first few months of revolution. **[https://www.orwellfoundation.com/the-orwell-foundation/orwell/essays-and-other-works/spilling-the-spanish-beans-2/ “Spilling the Spanish Beans,”] ''New English Weekly'', (July 29 and Sept. 2, 1937) * '''War against a foreign country only happens when the moneyed classes think they are going to profit from it.''' * Every war, when it comes, or before it comes, is represented not as a war but as '''an act of self-defence against a homicidal maniac.''' * The essential job is to get people to recognise war propaganda when they see it, especially when it is disguised as peace propaganda. ** Review of ''The Men I Killed'' by Brigadier-General F. P. Crozier, CB, CMG, DSO, in ''New Statesman and Nation'' (28 August 1937) * You cannot be objective about an aerial torpedo. And the horror we feel of these things has led to this conclusion: '''if someone drops a bomb on your mother, go and drop two bombs on his mother'''. The only apparent alternatives are to smash dwelling houses to powder, blow out human entrails and burn holes in children with thermite, or to be enslaved by people who are more ready to do these things than you are yourself; as yet no one has suggested a practicable way out. ** Review of ''Spanish Testament'' by Arthur Koestler, February 1938 * One is almost driven to the cynical conclusion that men are only decent when they are powerless. ** Review of ''The Freedom of the Streets'' by Jack Common, June 1938, pp. 335-6 * If there are certain pages of Mr [[Bertrand Russell]]'s book, ''Power'', which seem rather empty, that is merely to say that '''we have now sunk to a depth at which the restatement of the obvious is the first [[duty]] of intelligent men.''' ** Review of ''Power: A New Social Analysis'' by Bertrand Russell in ''The Adelphi'' (January 1939) ** Paraphrased variant: Sometimes the first duty of intelligent men is the restatement of the obvious. *It is not merely that at present the rule of naked [[force]] obtains almost everywhere. Probably that has always been the case. '''Where this age differs from those immediately preceding it is that a liberal intelligentsia is lacking. Bully-worship, under various disguises, has become a universal [[religion]], and such truisms as that a machine-[[gun]] is still a machine-gun even when a "good" man is squeezing the trigger''' — and that in effect is what Mr Russell is saying — '''have turned into heresies which it is actually becoming [[dangerous]] to utter.''' ** Review of ''Power: A New Social Analysis'' by Bertrand Russell in ''The Adelphi'' (January 1939) *It is quite possible that we are descending into an age in which '''two plus two will make five''' when the Leader says so. **Review of ''Power: A New Social Analysis'' by Bertrand Russell in ''The Adelphi'' (January 1939) * Acceptance of the [[Catholic Church|Catholic]] position implies a certain willingness to see the present injustices of society continue... Individual [[salvation]] implies liberty, which is always extended by Catholic writers to include the [[Right to property|right to private property]]. But in the stage of [[Industrialization|industrial development]] which we have now reached, '''the right to private property means the right to exploit and torture millions of one's fellow creatures.''' The Socialist would argue, therefore, that one can only defend property if one is more or less indifferent to economic justice. ** Review of ''Communism and Man'' by F. J. Sheed in ''Peace News'' (27 January 1939) * Has it ever struck you that there's a thin man inside every fat man, just as they say there's a statue inside every block of stone? ** ''Coming Up for Air'', Part 1, Ch. 3 * The past is a curious thing. It's with you all the time. I suppose an hour never passes without your thinking of things that happened ten or twenty years ago, and yet most of the time it's got no reality, it's just a set of facts that you've learned, like a lot of stuff in a history book. Then some chance sight or sound or smell, especially smell, sets you going, and the past doesn't merely come back to you, you're actually ''in'' the past. ** ''[[w:Coming Up for Air|Coming Up for Air]]'', Part I, Ch. 4 (1939) * Perhaps a man really dies when his brain stops, when he loses the power to take in a new idea. ** ''Coming Up for Air'', Part 3, Ch. 1 * It is not possible for any thinking person to live in such a society as our own without wanting to change it. ** "Why I Joined the Independent Labour Party", ''New Leader'' (24 June 1939) * Adults are only less superstitious than children in proportion as they have more power over their environment. In predicaments where everyone is powerless (eg war, gambling) everyone is superstitious **''New Words'' (1940) **''The Collected Essays, Journalism & Letters, George Orwell: My Country Right or Left, 1940–1943'', Editors: Sonia Orwell, Ian Angus.  p. 9 (footnote) *Mr Auden's brand of amoralism is only possible if you are the kind of person who is always somewhere else when the trigger is pulled. So much of left-wing thought is a kind of playing with fire by people who don't even know that fire is hot. ** ''Inside the Whale'' (1940) [http://orwell.ru/library/essays/whale/english/e_itw] * [Hitler] has grasped the falsity of the [[Hedonism|hedonistic]] attitude to life. Nearly all western thought since the last war, certainly all "[[Progressivism|progressive]]" thought, has assumed tacitly that human beings desire nothing beyond ease, security, and avoidance of [[pain]]. In such a view of life there is no room, for instance, for patriotism and the military [[virtues]]. The Socialist who finds his children playing with soldiers is usually upset, but he is never able to think of a substitute for the tin soldiers; tin pacifists somehow won't do. [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]], because in his own joyless mind he feels it with exceptional strength, knows that human beings ''don’t'' only want comfort, safety, short working-hours, hygiene, birth-control and, in general, common sense; they also, at least intermittently, want struggle and self-sacrifice, not to mention drums, flags and loyalty-parades. However they may be as economic theories, Fascism and Nazism are psychologically far sounder than any hedonistic conception of life. The same is probably true of Stalin's militarised version of Socialism. All three of the great dictators have enhanced their power by imposing intolerable burdens on their peoples. Whereas Socialism, and even capitalism in a grudging way, have said to people "I offer you a [[good]] time," Hitler has said to them "I offer you struggle, [[danger]] and [[death]]," and as a result a whole nation flings itself at his feet. ** From a review of [[Adolf Hitler]]'s ''[[w:Mein Kampf|Mein Kampf]],'' ''New English Weekly'' (21 March 1940) * [...]I should say that it is a good rule of thumb never to mention religion if you can possibly avoid it. ** Letter to Humphry House (11 April 1940). ''The Collected Essays, Journalism & Letters, George Orwell: An Age Like This, 1920–1940'', Editors: Sonia Orwell, Ian Angus. [http://books.google.com/books?id=0j2qODEJkdoC&pg=PA530#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 530]. * '''[T]here is something wrong with a regime that requires a pyramid of corpses every few years.''' ** Letter to Humphry House, (11 April 1940). ''The Collected Essays, Journalism, & Letters, George Orwell: An age like this, 1920–1940'', Editors: Sonia Orwell, Ian Angus. [http://books.google.com/books?id=0j2qODEJkdoC&pg=PA532#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 532]. * It is all very well to be "advanced" and "enlightened," to snigger at Colonel Blimp and proclaim your emancipation from all traditional loyalties, but a time comes when the sand of the desert is sodden red and what have I done for thee, England, my England? '''As I was brought up in this tradition myself I can recognise it under strange disguises, and also sympathise with it, for even at its stupidest and most sentimental it is a comelier thing than the shallow self-righteousness of the left-wing intelligentsia.''' ** From a review of [[Malcolm Muggeridge]]'s ''The Thirties'', in ''New English Weekly'' (25 April 1940) *'''National Socialism ''is'' a form of Socialism, ''is'' emphatically revolutionary, ''does'' crush the property owner as surely as it crushes the [[Working class|worker]]. The two regimes, having started from opposite ends, are rapidly evolving towards the same system—a form of [[Oligarchy|oligarchical]] [[collectivism]]'''. . . . It is Germany that is moving towards [[Russia]], rather than the other way about. It is therefore nonsense to talk about Germany ‘going [[Bolsheviks|Bolshevik]]’ if Hitler falls. Germany is going Bolshevik ''because'' of Hitler and not in spite of him. **Review of ''The Totalitarian Enemy'' by F. Borkenau, ''Time and Tide'' (4 May 1940). ''Orwell: My Country Right or Left - 1940 to 1943, Vol. 2, Essays, Journalism & Letters'', Sonia Orwell and Ian Angus, edit., Boston, MA, Nonpareil Books (2000), p. 25. *From the first the aim of the Nazis was to turn Germany into a war-machine, and to subordinate everything else to that purpose. But a country, and especially a poor country, which is waging or preparing for ‘total’ war must be in some sense socialistic. When the State has [[Nationalization|taken complete control of industry]], when the so-called capitalist is reduced to the status of a [[manager]], when consumption goods are so scare and strictly rationed that you cannot spend a big income even if you earn one, '''then the essential structure of Socialism already exists, plus the comfortless equality of [[w:War communism |war-Communism]].''' **Review of ''The Totalitarian Enemy'' by F. Borkenau, ''Time and Tide'' (4 May 1940). ''Orwell: My Country Right or Left - 1940 to 1943, Vol. 2, Essays, Journalism & Letters'', Sonia Orwell and Ian Angus, edit., Boston, MA, Nonpareil Books (2000), p. 25. * '''We are in a [[strange]] period of [[history]] in which a revolutionary has to be a patriot and a patriot has to be a revolutionary.''' ** Letter to ''The Tribune'' (20 December 1940), later published in ''A Patriot After All, 1940-1941'' (1999) <!-- Volume 12 of The Complete Works of George Orwell --> * '''Even as it stands, the Home Guard could only exist in a country where men feel themselves free. The totalitarian states can do great things, but there is one thing they cannot do: they cannot give the factory-worker a rifle and tell him to take it home and keep it in his bedroom. THAT RIFLE HANGING ON THE WALL OF THE WORKING-CLASS FLAT OR LABOURER'S COTTAGE, IS THE SYMBOL OF DEMOCRACY. IT IS OUR JOB TO SEE THAT IT STAYS THERE.''' ** "Don't Let Colonel Blimp Ruin the Home Guard" article for the Evening Standard, 8 January 1941 * Society has always to demand a little more from human beings than it will get in practice. ** "[[w:The Art of Donald McGill|The Art of Donald McGill]]" (1941) *The peculiarity of the totalitarian state is that though it controls thought, it does not fix it. It sets up unquestionable dogmas, and it alters them from day to day. It needs the dogmas, because it needs absolute obedience from its subjects, but cannot avoid the changes, which are dictated by the needs of power politics. It declared itself infallible, and at the same time it attacks the very concept of objective truth. **“Literature and Totalitarianism”, a broadcast talk in the BBC Overseas Service; printed in ''The Listener'' (19 June 1941) * Civilisation rests ultimately on coercion. What holds society together is not the policeman but the goodwill of common men, and yet that goodwill is powerless unless the policeman is there to back it up. Any government which refused to use violence in its own defence would cease almost immediately to exist, because it would be overthrown by any body of men, or even any individual, that was less scrupulous. ** "No, Not One," ''The Adelphi'' (October 1941) *Since [[pacifists]] have more [[freedom]] of action in countries where traces of [[democracy]] survive, pacifism can act more effectively against democracy than for it. Objectively the pacifist is pro-Nazi. ** "No, Not One," ''The Adelphi'' (October 1941) ** See his later thoughts on this statement below from "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (8 December 1944) *Pacifism is only a considerable force in places where people feel themselves very safe, chiefly maritime states. [...] The notion that you can somehow defeat violence by submitting to it is simply a flight from fact. As I have said, it is only possible to people who have money and guns between themselves and reality. ** "No, Not One," ''The Adelphi'' (October 1941) * '''The [[choice]] before human beings, is not, as a [[rule]], between [[good]] and [[evil]] but between two evils.''' You can let the [[Nazis]] rule the [[world]]: that is evil; or you can overthrow them by [[war]], which is also evil. There is no other choice before you, and whichever you choose you will not come out with clean hands. ** "No, Not One," ''The Adelphi'' (October 1941), p. [http://books.google.com/books?id=hdwYAQAAIAAJ&q=%22The+choice+before+human+beings%22&pg=PA7#v=onepage 7]-[http://books.google.com/books?id=hdwYAQAAIAAJ&q=%22is+not+as+a+rule+between+good+and+evil+but+between+two+evils%22&pg=PA8#v=onepage 8] *I have now been in the BBC about 6 months. Shall remain in it if the political changes I foresee come off, otherwise probably not. '''Its atmosphere is something halfway between a girls' school and a lunatic asylum''', and all we are doing at present is useless, or slightly worse than useless. **Diary entry (14 March 1942) **''The Collected Essays, Journalism & Letters, George Orwell: My Country Right or Left, 1940–1943'', Editors: Sonia Orwell, Ian Angus.  p. 411 *In this war we have one weapon which our enemies cannot use against us, and that is the English language. Several other languages are spoken by larger numbers of people, but there is no other that has any claim to be a world-wide lingua franca. **Review of ''The Sword and the Sickle'' by Mulk Raj Anand, ''Horizon'' (July 1942) *Everyone believes in the atrocities of the enemy and disbelieves in those of his own side, without ever bothering to examine the evidence. **"Looking Back on the Spanish War" (Autumn 1942) **''The Collected Essays, Journalism & Letters, George Orwell: My Country Right or Left, 1940–1943'', Editors: Sonia Orwell, Ian Angus.  p. 252 * You and I both know that there can be no real solution of the Indian problem which does not also benefit Britain. '''Either we all live in a decent world, or nobody does.''' It is so obvious, is it not, that the British worker as well as the Indian peasant stands to gain by the ending of capitalist exploitation, and that Indian independence is a lost cause if the Fascist nations are allowed to dominate the world. ** From a review of ''Letters on India'' by Mulk Raj Anand, ''Tribune'' (19 March 1943) *It was thinking of people like him [William Empson] that made me rather angry about what you said of the BBC, though God knows I have the best means of judging what a mixture of whoreshop and lunatic asylum it is for the most part. **Letter to Alex Comfort (11? July 1943) **''The Collected Essays, Journalism & Letters, George Orwell: My Country Right or Left, 1940–1943'', Editors: Sonia Orwell, Ian Angus.  p. 305 * Both men were the spiritual children of [[Voltaire]], both had an ironical, sceptical view of life, and a native pessimism overlaid by gaiety; both knew that '''the existing social order is a swindle and its cherished beliefs mostly delusions'''. ** On [[Mark Twain]] and [[Anatole France]], in "Mark Twain - The Licensed Jester" in ''Tribune'' (26 November 1943); reprinted in ''The Collected Essays, Journalism and Letters of George Orwell'' (1968) * '''Nearly all creators of Utopia have resembled the man who has toothache, and therefore thinks happiness consists in not having toothache.''' They wanted to produce a perfect society by an endless continuation of something that had only been valuable because it was temporary. The wider course would be to say that there are certain lines along which humanity must move, the grand strategy is mapped out, but detailed prophecy is not our business. '''Whoever tries to imagine perfection simply reveals his own emptiness.''' ** [https://www.orwellfoundation.com/the-orwell-foundation/orwell/essays-and-other-works/can-socialists-be-happy/ "Can Socialists Be Happy?"], ''Tribune'' (20 December 1943). Published under the name ‘John Freeman’. * '''The real objective of Socialism is human brotherhood.''' This is widely felt to be the case, though it is not usually said, or not said loudly enough. Men use up their lives in heart-breaking political struggles, or get themselves killed in civil wars, or tortured in the secret prisons of the Gestapo, not in order to establish some central-heated, air-conditioned, strip-lighted Paradise, but because they want a world in which human beings love one another instead of swindling and murdering one another. ** "Can Socialists Be Happy?", ''Tribune'' (20 December 1943). * From Carlyle onwards, but especially in the last generation, the British intelligentsia have tended to take their ideas from Europe and have been infected by habits of thought that derive ultimately from Machiavelli.&nbsp; All the cults that have been fashionable in the last dozen years, Communism, Fascism, and pacifism, are in the last analysis forms of power worship. ** "The English People" (written Spring 1944, published 1947)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/orwell/quotes/]} *Mr Noyes remarks at the beginning of his book that one cannot cast out [[Demon|devils]] with the aid of [[Satan|Beelzebub]], but he is also extremely angry because anti-British books can still be published in England and praised in British newspapers. Does it not occur to him that if we stop doing this kind of thing the main difference between ourselves and our enemies would have disappeared? **Review. ''The Edge of the Abyss'' by Alfred Noyes **''Observer'', 27 February 1944 **''The Collected Essays, Journalism & Letters, George Orwell: As I Please, 1943-1945'', Editors: Sonia Orwell, Ian Angus.  pp.  100-101. *Shortly, [[Friedrich Hayek|Professor Hayek]]'s thesis is that Socialism inevitably leads to despotism, and that in Germany the Nazis were able to succeed because the Socialists had already done most of their work for them, especially the intellectual work of weakening the desire for liberty. By bringing the whole of life under the control of the State, '''Socialism necessarily gives power to an inner ring of bureaucrats, who in almost every case will be men who want power for its own sake and will stick at nothing in order to retain it.''' Britain, he says, is now going the same road as Germany, with the left-wing intelligentsia in the van and the [[Conservative Party (UK)|Tory Party]] a good second. '''The only salvation lies in returning to an unplanned economy, free competition, and emphasis on liberty rather than on security.''' In the negative part of Professor Hayek's thesis there is a great deal of truth. It cannot be said too often — at any rate, it is not being said nearly often enough — '''that collectivism is not inherently democratic, but, on the contrary, gives to a tyrannical minority such powers as the Spanish Inquisitors never dreamed of.''' **“Review of the Road to Serfdom by F.A. Hayek, etc,” ''The Observer'' (9 April 1944) and in ''As I please, 1943–1945: The Collected Essays, Journalism & Letters, Vol. 30''. *'''Between them these two books sum up our present predicament.'''&nbsp; Capitalism leads to dole queues, the scramble for [[Market|markets]], and [[war]].&nbsp; Collectivism leads to [[Concentration camp|concentration camps]], [[w:cult_of_personality|leader worship]], and war.&nbsp; There is no way out of this unless a planned economy can somehow be combined with the freedom of the intellect, which can only happen if the concept of [[right and wrong]] is restored to politics. ** Review of ''The Road to Serfdom'' by [[Friedrich Hayek|F.A. Hayek]] and ''The Mirror of the Past'' by [[w:Konni Zilliacus|K. Zilliacus]], reviewed in ''The Observer'' (9 April 1944). * [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]], no doubt, will soon disappear, but only at the expense of strengthening (a) [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]], (b) the Anglo-American [[Millionaire|millionaires]] and (c) all sorts of petty fuhrers of the type of [[Charles de Gaulle|de Gaulle]]. All the national movements everywhere, even those that originate in resistance to German domination, seem to take non-democratic forms, to group themselves round some superhuman fuhrer (Hitler, Stalin, Salazar, Franco, [[Mahatma Gandhi|Gandhi]], [[Éamon de Valera|De Valera]] are all varying examples) and to adopt the theory that the end justifies the means. Everywhere the world movement seems to be in the direction of [[Planned economy|centralised economies]] which can be made to ‘work’ in an economic sense but which are not democratically organised and which tend to establish a [[Caste system in India|caste system]]. With this go the horrors of emotional [[nationalism]] and a tendency to disbelieve in the existence of objective truth because all the facts have to fit in with the words and prophecies of some infallible fuhrer. Already history has in a sense ceased to exist, ie. there is no such thing as a history of our own times which could be universally accepted, and the exact sciences are endangered as soon as military necessity ceases to keep people up to the mark. Hitler can say that the Jews started the war, and if he survives that will become official history. He can't say that two and two are five, because for the purposes of, say, ballistics they have to make four. But if the sort of world that I am afraid of arrives, a world of two or three great superstates which are unable to conquer one another, two and two could become five if the fuhrer wished it. ** Letter to H. J. Willmett (18 May 1944), published in ''The Collected Essays, Journalism, & Letters, George Orwell: As I Please, 1943-1945'' (2000), edited by Sonia Orwell and Ian Angus[https://books.google.com/books?id=fCRLPIbLP8IC&lpg=PA149&dq=%22intellectuals%20are%20more%20totalitarian%20in%20outlook%22&pg=PA149#v=onepage&q=%22intellectuals%20are%20more%20totalitarian%20in%20outlook%22&f=false] ** Ideas which became fundamental to ''[[w:Nineteen Eighty-Four|Nineteen Eighty-Four]]''. * Secondly there is the fact that the [[Intellectual|intellectuals]] are more totalitarian in outlook than the common people. On the whole the English intelligentsia have opposed Hitler, but only at the price of accepting Stalin. Most of them are perfectly ready for dictatorial methods, secret police, systematic falsification of history etc. so long as they feel that it is on ‘our’ side. ** Letter to H. J. Willmett (18 May 1944), published in ''The Collected Essays, Journalism, & Letters, George Orwell: As I Please, 1943-1945'' (2000), edited by Sonia Orwell and Ian Angus[https://books.google.com/books?id=fCRLPIbLP8IC&lpg=PA149&dq=%22intellectuals%20are%20more%20totalitarian%20in%20outlook%22&pg=PA149#v=onepage&q=%22intellectuals%20are%20more%20totalitarian%20in%20outlook%22&f=false] * Of course, fanatical Communists and Russophiles generally can be respected, even if they are mistaken.&nbsp; But for people like ourselves, who suspect that something has gone very wrong with the Soviet Union, '''I consider that willingness to criticize Russia and [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]] is ''the'' test of intellectual honesty.'''&nbsp; It is the only thing that from a literary intellectual's point of view is really dangerous. ** Letter to [[w:John Middleton Murry|John Middleton Murry]] (5 August 1944), published in ''The Collected Essays, Journalism, & Letters, George Orwell: As I Please, 1943-1945'' (2000), edited by Sonia Orwell and Ian Angus *In my small way I have been fighting for years against the systematic faking of history which now goes on. ** Letter to Frank Barber (15 December 1944) ** ''The Collected Essays, Journalism & Letters, George Orwell: As I Please, 1943-1945'', Editors: Sonia Orwell, Ian Angus.  p.  292. * Particularly on the Left, political thought is a sort of masturbation fantasy in which the world of facts hardly matters. ** "London Letter" in ''Partisan Review'' (Winter 1945) * '''[[Autobiography]] is only to be trusted when it reveals something disgraceful. A man who gives a good account of himself is probably lying, since any life when viewed from the inside is simply a series of defeats.''' ** "Benefit Of Clergy: Some Notes On [[Salvador Dalí]]," ''Dickens, Dali & Others: Studies in Popular Culture'' (1944) [http://orwell.ru/library/reviews/dali/english/e_dali] * '''So far as I can see, all political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the [[future]] only when it coincides with their own [[wishes]], and the most grossly obvious [[facts]] can be ignored when they are unwelcome.''' ** "London Letter" (December 1944), in ''Partisan Review'' (Winter 1945) * It is fashionable to say that all the causes we fought for have been defeated, but this seems to me a gross exaggeration. The fact that after six years of war we can hold a General Election in a quite orderly way, and throw out a Prime Minister who has enjoyed almost dictatorial powers, shows that we ''have'' gained something by not losing the war. ** London Letter to ''Partisan Review'' (15 ? August 1945) ** ''The Collected Essays, Journalism & Letters, George Orwell: As I Please, 1943-1945'', Editors: Sonia Orwell, Ian Angus.  p.  394. * '''At any given moment there is an [[orthodoxy]], a body of ideas which it is assumed that all right-thinking people will accept without question.''' It is not exactly forbidden to say this, that or the other, but it is 'not done' to say it, just as in mid-Victorian times it was 'not done' to mention trousers in the presence of a lady. '''Anyone who challenges the prevailing orthodoxy finds himself silenced with surprising effectiveness. A genuinely unfashionable opinion is almost never given a fair hearing, either in the popular press or in the highbrow periodicals.''' ** "The Freedom of the Press", unused preface to ''Animal Farm'' (1945), published in ''Times Literary Supplement'' (15 September 1972) * Thus, for example, tanks, battleships and bombing planes are inherently tyrannical weapons, while rifles, muskets, long-bows, and hand-grenades are inherently democratic weapons. A complex weapon makes the strong stronger, while a simple weapon — so long as there is no answer to it — gives claws to the weak. ** [http://orwell.ru/library/articles/ABomb/english/e_abomb "You and the Atom Bomb"], ''Tribune'' (19 October 1945) * '''Looking at the world as a whole, the drift for many decades has been not towards anarchy but towards the reimposition of slavery.''' We may be heading not for general breakdown but for an epoch as horribly stable as the slave empires of antiquity. [[James Burnham]]'s theory has been much discussed, but few people have yet considered its ideological implications — that is, the kind of [[world-view]], the kind of beliefs, and the social structure that would probably prevail in a state which was at once ''unconquerable'' and in a permanent state of "[[wiktionary:cold war|cold war]]" with its neighbors. <br> Had the [[Nuclear weapons|atomic bomb]] turned out to be something as cheap and easily manufactured as a bicycle or an alarm clock, it might well have plunged us back into barbarism, but it might, on the other hand, have meant the end of national [[sovereignty]] and of the highly-centralised [[police state]]. If, as seems to be the case, it is a rare and costly object as difficult to produce as a battleship, '''it is likelier to put an end to large-scale wars at the cost of prolonging indefinitely a "peace that is no peace."''' ** [http://orwell.ru/library/articles/ABomb/english/e_abomb "You and the Atom Bomb"], ''Tribune'' (19 October 1945). Reprinted in ''George Orwell: The Collected Essays, Journalism & Letters, Volume 4: In Front of Your Nose 1946–1950'' (2000) by Sonia Orwell, Ian Angus, p. 9. <!-- http://books.google.com/books?id=zaxG_3ivhVAC&pg=PA9&dq=orwell+%22permanent+state+of+cold+war%22&sig=XIYruzSnIoMeE2TwqGRNoNA4IuE --> ** First documented use of the phrase "cold war". * Scientific education for the masses will do little good, and probably a lot of harm, if it simply boils down to more [[physics]], more [[chemistry]], more [[biology]], etc to the detriment of [[literature]] and [[history]]. Its probable effect on the average human being would be to narrow the range of his thoughts and make him more than ever contemptuous of such knowledge as he did not possess. ** [http://orwell.ru/library/articles/science/english/e_scien "What is Science?"], ''Tribune'' (26 October 1945) * '''The whole idea of [[revenge]] and [[punishment]] is a childish day-dream. Properly speaking, there is no such thing as revenge. Revenge is an act which you want to commit when you are [[powerless]] and because you are powerless: as soon as the sense of impotence is removed, the desire evaporates also.''' ** [http://orwell.ru/library/articles/revenge/english/e_revso "Revenge is Sour"], ''Tribune'' (9 November 1945) * Actually there is little acute hatred of [[Germany]] left in this country, and even less, I should expect to find, in the army of occupation. Only the minority of [[Sadism and masochism|sadists]], who must have their "atrocities" from one source or another, take a keen interest in the hunting-down of [[War crimes|war criminals]] and quislings. ** "Revenge is Sour", ''Tribune'' (9 November 1945) * The relative freedom which we enjoy depends of public opinion. The law is no protection. Governments make laws, but whether they are carried out, and how the police behave, depends on the general temper in the country. If large numbers of people are interested in freedom of speech, there will be freedom of speech, even if the law forbids it; if public opinion is sluggish, inconvenient minorities will be persecuted, even if laws exist to protect them. ** "Freedom of the Park", ''Tribune'' (7 December 1945) * '''Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play.''' It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence: in other words it is war minus the shooting. ** [http://orwell.ru/library/articles/spirit/english/e_spirit "The Sporting Spirit"], ''Tribune'' (14 December 1945) * '''It is just thinkable that books may some day be written by machinery....''' ** Review of ''A Coat of Many Colours: Occasional Essays'' by [[w:Herbert Read|Herbert Read]], ''Poetry Quarterly'' (Winter 1945) * '''Each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it.''' This is an illusion, and one should recognise it as such, but one ought also to stick to one's own world-view, even at the price of seeming old-fashioned: for that world-view springs out of experiences that the younger generation has not had, and to abandon it is to kill one's intellectual roots. ** Review of ''A Coat of Many Colours: Occasional Essays'' by [[w:Herbert Read|Herbert Read]], ''Poetry Quarterly'' (Winter 1945) *...but in his origins he is a Yorkshireman—that is, a member of a small, rustic, rather uncouth tribe whose members secretly believe all the other peoples of the earth to be just a little inferior to themselves. I think his best work comes from the [[Yorkshire]] strain in him. **Review of ''A Coat of Many Colours: Occasional Essays'' by [[w:Herbert Read|Herbert Read]], ''Poetry Quarterly'' (Winter 1945) * Out of this concourse of several hundred people, perhaps half of whom were directly connected with the writing trade, there was not a single one who could point out that freedom of the press, if it means anything at all, means the freedom to criticise and oppose. ** The Prevention of Literature. ''Polemic'', No. 2 (January 1946) * '''Totalitarianism demands, in fact, the continuous alteration of the past, and in the long run probably demands a disbelief in the very existence of objective truth.''' ** The Prevention of Literature. ''Polemic'', No. 2 (January 1946) * It would probably not be beyond human ingenuity to write books by machinery. ** The Prevention of Literature. ''Polemic'', No. 2 (January 1946) * '''Decline of the English Murder''' ** [http://orwell.ru/library/articles/decline/english/e_doem Essay] title, ''Tribune'' (15 February 1946) * '''In nearly seventy pages, it is astonishing how little he says, and how impressively he says it.''' ** Review. ''The Cosmological Eye'' by Henry Miller. ''Tribune'' (22 February 1946) * The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it. ** "Second Thoughts on James Burnham". ''Polemic'', (May 1946) * Anyone who cares to examine my work will see that even when it is downright [[propaganda]] it contains much that a full-time [[Politicians|politician]] would consider irrelevant. I am not able, and do not want, completely to abandon the world view that I acquired in childhood. '''So long as I remain alive and well I shall continue to feel strongly about prose style, to love the surface of the [[Earth]], and to take pleasure in solid objects and scraps of useless information.''' It is no use trying to suppress that side of myself. The job is to reconcile my ingrained likes and dislikes with the essentially public, non-individual activities that this age forces on all of us. <br> '''It is not easy.''' It raises problems of construction and of language, and it raises in a new way the problem of truthfulness. ** [http://www.k-1.com/Orwell/site/work/essays/write.html "Why I Write"], ''Gangrel'' (Summer 1946) * The opinion that art should have nothing to do with politics is itself a political attitude. ** "Why I Write," ''Gangrel'' (Summer 1946) * The [[w:Spanish Civil War|Spanish war]] and other events in 1936-37 turned the scale and thereafter I knew where I stood. '''Every line of serious work that I have written since 1936 has been written, directly or indirectly, against totalitarianism and for [[Democratic socialism|democratic Socialism]], as I understand it. It seems to me nonsense, in a period like our own, to think that one can avoid writing of such subjects.''' ** "Why I Write," ''Gangrel'' (Summer 1946) * Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand. ** "Why I Write," ''Gangrel'' (Summer 1946) * '''If I had to make a list of six books which were to be preserved when all others were destroyed, I would certainly put ''[[w:Gulliver's Travels|Gulliver's Travels]]'' among them.''' ** "Politics vs. Literature: An Examination of Gulliver's Travels" (1946) * '''In my opinion, nothing has contributed so much to the corruption of the original idea of socialism as the belief that Russia is a socialist country and that every act of its rulers must be excused, if not imitated.''' And so for the last ten years, I have been convinced that the destruction of the Soviet myth was essential if we wanted a revival of the socialist movement. ** [http://home.iprimus.com.au/korob/Orwell.html Preface to the Ukrainian edition] of ''[[Animal Farm]]'', as published in ''The Collected Essays, Journalism, and Letters of George Orwell: As I please, 1943-1945'' (1968) * '''The real division is not between [[Conservatism|conservatives]] and revolutionaries but between authoritarians and [[Libertarianism|libertarians]].''' ** Letter to [[Malcolm Muggeridge]] (4 December 1948), quoted in ''Malcolm Muggeridge: A Life'' (1980) by Ian Hunter * If publishers and editors exert themselves to keep certain topics out of print, it is not because they are frightened of prosecution but because they are frightened of [[public opinion]]. '''In this country intellectual cowardice is the worst enemy a writer or journalist has to face, and that fact does not seem to me to have had the discussion it deserves.''' ** [https://www.orwellfoundation.com/the-orwell-foundation/orwell/essays-and-other-works/the-freedom-of-the-press/ Original (unused) preface] to ''[[Animal Farm]]'' (1945); as published in ''George Orwell: Some Materials for a Bibliography'' (1953) by Ian R. Willison * I have never visited Russia and my knowledge of it consists only of what can be learned by reading books and newspapers. Even if I had the power, I would not wish to interfere in Soviet domestic affairs: I would not condemn [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]] and his associates merely for their barbaric and undemocratic methods. It is quite possible that, even with the best intentions, they could not have acted otherwise under the conditions prevailing there. <br> But on the other hand it was of the utmost importance to me that people in western Europe should see the Soviet regime for what it really was. '''Since 1930 I had seen little [[evidence]] that the USSR was progressing towards anything that one could [[truly]] call [[Socialism]]. On the contrary, I was struck by clear signs of its transformation into a hierarchical society, in which the rulers have no more reason to give up their power than any other ruling class.''' Moreover, the workers and intelligentsia in a country like England cannot understand that the USSR of today is altogether different from what it was in 1917. It is partly that they do not want to understand (i.e. they want to believe that, somewhere, a really Socialist country does actually exist), and partly that, being accustomed to comparative freedom and moderation in public life, totalitarianism is completely incomprehensible to them. ** Original preface to ''[[Animal Farm]]''; as published in ''George Orwell: Some Materials for a Bibliography'' (1953) by Ian R. Willison * '''I am well acquainted with all the arguments against [[freedom of thought]] and [[Freedom of speech|speech]] — the arguments which claim that it cannot exist, and the arguments which claim that it ought not to. I answer simply that they don't convince me and that our civilization over a period of four hundred years has been founded on the opposite notice.''' For quite a decade past I have believed that the existing Russian régime is a mainly evil thing, and I claim the right to say so, in spite of the fact that we are allies with the USSR in a war which I want to see won. If I had to choose a text to justify myself, I should choose the line from Milton: :: By the known rules of ancient liberty. : The word ancient emphasizes the fact that intellectual freedom is a deep-rooted tradition without which our characteristic western culture could only doubtfully exist. '''From that tradition many of our intellectuals are visibly turning away. They have accepted the principle that a book should be published or suppressed, praised or damned, not on its merits but according to political expediency. And others who do not actually hold this view assent to it from sheer [[cowardice]].''' :* Original preface to ''[[Animal Farm]]''; as published in ''George Orwell: Some Materials for a Bibliography'' (1953) by Ian R. Willison * '''If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.''' ** Original preface to ''[[Animal Farm]]''; as published in ''George Orwell: Some Materials for a Bibliography'' (1953) by Ian R. Willison ** Sometimes paraphrased as "Liberty is telling people what they do not want to hear." * '''The point is that we are all capable of believing things which we ''know'' to be untrue, and then, when we are finally proved wrong, impudently twisting the facts so as to show that we were right. Intellectually, it is possible to carry on this process for an indefinite time: the only check on it is that sooner or later a false belief bumps up against solid reality, usually on a battlefield.''' ** [http://www.orwell.ru/library/articles/nose/english/e_nose "In Front of Your Nose"], ''Tribune'' (22 March 1946) * '''To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle.''' ** "In Front of Your Nose," ''Tribune'' (22 March 1946) * Certainly we ought to be [[discontented]], we ought not simply to find out ways of [[Complacency|making the best of a bad job]], and yet if we kill all [[pleasure]] in the actual process of [[life]], what sort of [[future]] are we preparing for ourselves? '''If a man cannot [[enjoy]] the return of [[spring]], why should he be [[happy]] in a labour-saving [[Utopia]]? What will he do with the [[leisure]] that the [[machine]] will give him?''' ** [http://www.k-1.com/Orwell/site/work/essays/commontoad.html "Some Thoughts on the Common Toad"], ''Tribune'' (12 April 1946) * I have always suspected that if our economic and political problems are ever really solved, life will become simpler instead of more complex, and that the sort of pleasure one gets from finding the first primrose will loom larger than the sort of pleasure one gets from eating an ice to the tune of a Wurlitzer. I think that by retaining one's childhood love of such things as trees, fishes, butterflies and — to return to my first instance — toads, one makes a peaceful and decent future a little more probable, and that by preaching the doctrine that nothing is to be admired except steel and concrete, one merely makes it a little surer that human beings will have no outlet for their surplus energy except in hatred and leader worship. ** "Some Thoughts on the Common Toad," ''Tribune'' (12 April 1946) * The atom bombs are piling up in the factories, the police are prowling through the cities, the lies are streaming from the loudspeakers, but earth is still going round the sun, and neither the dictators nor the bureaucrats, deeply as they disapprove of the process, are able to prevent it. ** "Some Thoughts on the Common Toad," ''Tribune'' (12 April 1946, [http://archive.tribunemagazine.co.uk/page/12th-april-1946/10 page 10, last paragraph]) * It was only ''after'' the Soviet régime became unmistakably totalitarian that English intellectuals, in large numbers, began to show an interest in it. Burnham, although the English russophile intelligentsia would repudiate him, is really voicing their secret wish: the wish to destroy the old, equalitarian version of Socialism and usher in a hierarchical society where the intellectual can at last get his hands on the whip. ** "Second Thoughts on James Burnham," ''Polemic'' (summer 1946) * '''In a Society in which there is no law, and in theory no compulsion, the only arbiter of behaviour is public opinion. But public opinion, because of the tremendous urge to conformity in gregarious animals, is less tolerant than any system of law.''' When human beings are governed by "thou shalt not", the individual can practise a certain amount of eccentricity: when they are supposedly governed by "love" or "reason", he is under continuous pressure to make him behave and think in exactly the same way as everyone else. ** "Politics vs. Literature: An Examination of [[Jonathan Swift#Gulliver.27s Travels .281726.29|Gulliver's Travels]]," ''Polemic'' (September/October 1946) - [http://orwell.ru/library/reviews/swift/english/e_swift Full text online] * People talk about the horrors of war, but what weapon has man invented that even approaches in cruelty to some of the commoner diseases? "Natural" death, almost by definition, means something slow, smelly and painful. ** [http://orwell.ru/library/articles/Poor_Die/english/e_pdie "How the Poor Die"], ''Now'' (November 1946) * '''The thing that politicians are seemingly unable to understand is that you cannot produce a vigorous literature by terrorising everyone into conformity.''' ** As I Please. ''Tribune'' (3 January 1947) * In ''The Managerial Revolution'', Burnham foretold the rise of three super-states which would be unable to conquer one another and would divide the world between them. ** Burnham's View of the Contemporary World Struggle. ''New Leader'' (New York) (29 March 1947) * In reality there is no kind of evidence or argument by which one can show that Shakespeare, or any other writer, is ‘good’. Nor is there any way of definitely proving that — for instance — Warwick Beeping is ‘bad’. Ultimately '''there is no test of literary merit except survival''', which is itself an index to majority opinion. Artistic theories such as Tolstoy's are quite worthless, because they not only start out with arbitrary assumptions, but depend on vague terms (‘sincere’, ‘important’ and so forth) which can be interpreted in any way one chooses. ** "[[King Lear|Lear]], [[Leo Tolstoy|Tolstoy]] and the Fool," ''Polemic'' (March 1947) - [http://orwell.ru/library/essays/lear/english/e_ltf Full text online] * A tragic situation exists precisely when virtue does ''not'' triumph but when it is still felt that man is nobler than the forces which destroy him. ** "Lear, Tolstoy and the Fool," ''Polemic'' (March 1947) * [[Shakespeare]] starts by assuming that to make yourself powerless is to invite an attack. This does not mean that ''everyone'' will turn against you (Kent and the Fool stand by Lear from first to last), but in all probability ''someone'' will. '''If you throw away your weapons, some less scrupulous person will pick them up. If you turn the other cheek, you will get a harder blow on it than you got on the first one. This does not always happen, but it is to be expected, and you ought not to complain if it does happen.''' The second blow is, so to speak, part of the act of turning the other cheek. First of all, therefore, there is the vulgar, common-sense moral drawn by the Fool: "Don't relinquish power, don't give away your lands." But there is also another moral. Shakespeare never utters it in so many words, and it does not very much matter whether he was fully aware of it. It is contained in the story, which, after all, he made up, or altered to suit his purposes. It is: "Give away your lands if you want to, but don't expect to gain happiness by doing so. Probably you won't gain happiness. '''If you live for others, you must live ''for others'', and not as a roundabout way of getting an advantage for yourself.'''" ** "Lear, Tolstoy and the Fool," ''Polemic'' (March 1947) * A normal human being does not want the [[Kingdom of Heaven]]: he wants life on earth to continue. This is not solely because he is "weak," "sinful" and anxious for a "good time." Most people get a fair amount of fun out of their lives, but on balance life is suffering, and only the very young or the very foolish imagine otherwise. Ultimately it is the [[Christianity|Christian]] attitude which is self-interested and hedonistic, since the aim is always to get away from the painful struggle of earthly life and find eternal peace in some kind of [[Heaven]] or [[Nirvana]]. The humanist attitude is that the struggle must continue and that death is the price of life. ** "Lear, Tolstoy and the Fool," ''Polemic'' (March 1947) * There are people who are convinced of the wickedness both of armies and of police forces, but who are nevertheless much more intolerant and inquisitorial in outlook than the normal person who believes that it is necessary to use violence in certain circumstances. They will not say to somebody else, ‘Do this, that and the other or you will go to prison’, but they will, if they can, get inside his brain and dictate his thoughts for him in the minutest particulars. Creeds like pacifism and anarchism, which seem on the surface to imply a complete renunciation of power, rather encourage this habit of mind. For if you have embraced a creed which appears to be free from the ordinary dirtiness of politics — a creed from which you yourself cannot expect to draw any material advantage — surely that proves that you are in the right? And the more you are in the right, the more natural that everyone else should be bullied into thinking likewise. ** "Lear, Tolstoy and the Fool," ''Polemic'' (March 1947) * No one can look back on his schooldays and say with truth that they were altogether unhappy. ** [http://orwell.ru/library/essays/joys/english/e_joys "Such, Such Were The Joys"] (May 1947); published in ''Partisan Review'' (September/October 1952) * '''Football, it seemed to me, is not really played for the pleasure of kicking the ball about, but is a species of fighting.''' ** [http://orwell.ru/library/essays/joys/english/e_joys "Such, Such Were The Joys"] (May 1947); published in ''Partisan Review'' (September/October 1952) * Therefore there is always the danger that the United States will break up any European coalition by drawing Britain out of it. ** Towards European Unity. ''Partisan Review'' (July/August 1947) * The state will cease to govern and will survive merely as an agency for the distribution of necessary commodities. All disagreeable jobs will be done by machinery, and everyone will be completely free to choose his own work and his own manner of life. In effect, the world will be populated by artists, each striving after perfection in the way that seems best to him. ** Review. ''The Soul of Man under Socialism'' by Oscar Wilde. Observer, 9 May 1948 * Actually, the problem for the world as a whole is not how to distribute such wealth that exists but how to increase production, without which economic equality merely means common misery. ** Review. ''The Soul of Man under Socialism'' by Oscar Wilde. Observer, 9 May 1948 * '''Threats to freedom of speech, writing and action, though often trivial in isolation, are cumulative in their effect and, unless checked, lead to a general disrespect for the rights of the citizen.''' ** "The Freedom Defence Committee" in "The Socialist Leader ''(18 September 1948); also in'' The Collected Essays, Journalism, & Letters, George Orwell; Vol. IV: In front of your nose, 1945-1950 ''(2000), p. 447'' * I always disagree, however, when people end up saying that we can only combat Communism, Fascism or what not if we develop an equal fanaticism. '''It appears to me that one defeats the fanatic precisely by ''not'' being a fanatic oneself, but on the contrary by using one's intelligence.''' ** Letter to Richard Rees (3 March 1949), ''The Collected Essays, Journalism and Letters of George Orwell'', Vol. 4: ''In front of your nose, 1945-1950'' (1968), ed. Sonia Orwell and Ian Angus, p. 478 * '''It is difficult for a statesman who still has a political future to reveal everything that he knows''': and in a profession in which one is a baby at 50 and middle-aged at seventy-five, it is natural that anyone who has not actually been disgraced should feel that he still has a future. ** Review of ''Their Finest Hour'' by [[Winston Churchill]], ''New Leader'' (14 May 1949) * One cannot really be Catholic & grown-up. ** "Extracts from a Manuscript Notebook" (1949), ''The Collected Essays, Journalism and Letters of George Orwell'', vol. 4 (1968) * At 50, everyone has the face he deserves. ** "Extracts from a Manuscript Notebook" (17 April 1949), ''The Collected Essays, Journalism and Letters of George Orwell'', vol. 4 (1968) * I have always thought there might be a lot of cash in starting a new [[religion]]. ** ''The Collected Essays, Journalism, and Letters of George Orwell, Volume 1: An Age Like This, 1920-1940'' (1968), edited by Sonia Orwell and Ian Angus Orwell, [https://books.google.com/books?id=hTHuAAAAMAAJ&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22a+lot+of+cash+in+starting+a+new+religion%22 p. 304] *[''Nineteen Eighty-Four''] was based chiefly on communism, because that is the dominant form of totalitarianism, but I was trying chiefly to imagine what communism would be like if it were firmly rooted in the English speaking countries, and was no longer a mere extension of the Russian Foreign Office. **Letter to [[w:Sidney Sheldon | Sidney Sheldon]], (Aug. 9, 1949) [https://novelbookonline.com/97052-the_other_side_of_me/53 ''The Other Side of Me (Autobiography)''], Hachette Book Group USA, New York, NY, 2006, Chapter 20, p. 53. Sheldon purchased the stage rights to''1984'' from Orwell. * What is needed is the right to print what one believes to be true, without having to fear bullying or blackmail from any side. ** 1946 exchange with Randall Swingler; quoted in ''Every Intellectual's Big Brother: George Orwell's Literary Siblings'', John Rodden, University of Texas Press, Austin, [https://books.google.de/books?id=UlnwITCGcw8C&pg=PA30&lpg=PA30&dq=%E2%80%9CWhat+is+needed+is+the+right+to+print+what+one+believes+to+be+true,+without+having+to+fear+bullying+or+blackmail+from+any+side.%E2%80%9D&source=bl&ots=bGBK1qYN9w&sig=ACfU3U0pyqW-Lv7073SXe-9N_ftrlrT9ag&hl=en&sa=X&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q=%E2%80%9CWhat%20is%20needed%20is%20the%20right%20to%20print%20what%20one%20believes%20to%20be%20true%2C%20without%20having%20to%20fear%20bullying%20or%20blackmail%20from%20any%20side.%E2%80%9D&f=false p. 30] === ''[[w:Down and Out in Paris and London|Down and Out in Paris and London]]'' (1933) === [[File:Édouard Manet - Beggar with Oysters (Philosopher).jpg|thumb|Within certain limits, it is actually true that the less [[money]] you have, the less you worry.]] [[File:Philosopher_with_Out-strechted_Hand.JPG|thumb|[[Fate]] seemed to be playing a series of extraordinarily unamusing [[jokes]].]] : <small>[http://gutenberg.net.au/ebooks01/0100171.txt Full text online]</small> [[File:OldBeggar1.jpg|thumb|At [[present]] I do not feel I have seen more than the fringe of [[poverty]].]] * The [[Paris]] slums are a gathering-place for eccentric people — people who have fallen into solitary, half-mad grooves of life and given up trying to be normal or decent. '''Poverty frees them from normal standards of [[Human behavior|behaviour]], just as [[money]] frees people from work'''. Some of the lodgers in our hotel lived lives that were curious beyond words. ** Ch. 1 * I am trying to describe the people in our quarter, not for the mere curiosity, but because they are all part of the story. '''[[Poverty]] is what I am writing about, and I had my first contact with poverty in this slum.''' The slum, with its dirt and its queer lives, was first an object-lesson in poverty, and then the background of my own experiences. It is for that reason that I try to give some idea of what life was like there. ** Ch. 1 * "Ah, the poverty, the shortness the disappointment of human joy! For in reality ''car en realite,'' what is the duration of the supreme moment of love? It is nothing, an instant, a second perhaps. A second of ecstasy, and after that- dust, ashes, nothingness." ** Ch. 2, Charlie * For, when you are approaching poverty, you make one discovery which outweighs some of the others. '''You discover [[boredom]] and mean complications and the beginnings of [[hunger]], but you also discover the great redeeming feature of poverty: the fact that it annihilates the future.''' Within certain limits, it is actually true that the less money you have, the less you worry. When you have a hundred francs in the world you are liable to the most craven panics. When you have only three francs you are quite indifferent; for three francs will feed you till tomorrow, and you cannot think further than that. You are bored, but you are not afraid. You think vaguely, 'I shall be starving in a day or two--shocking, isn't it?' And then the mind wanders to other topics. A bread and margarine diet does, to some extent, provide its own anodyne. '''And there is another feeling that is a great consolation in poverty. I believe everyone who has been hard up has experienced it. It is a feeling of relief, almost of pleasure, at knowing yourself at last genuinely down and out. You have talked so often of going to the dogs--and well, here are the dogs, and you have reached them, and you can stand it. It takes off a lot of anxiety.''' ** Ch. 3 * There is only one way to make money at writing, and that is to marry a publisher's daughter. ** Ch. 4; a record of a remark by Orwell's fellow tramp Boris * For, when you are approaching poverty, you make one discovery which outweighs some of the others. You discover boredom and mean complications and the beginnings of hunger, but you also discover the great redeeming feature of poverty: the fact that it annihilates the future. '''Within certain limits, it is actually true that the less money you have, the less you worry.''' ** Ch. 4 * Hunger reduces one to an utterly spineless, brainless condition, more like the after-effects of influenza than anything else. It is as though all one's blood had been pumped out and lukewarm water substituted. ** Ch. 7 * One always abandons something in retreat. Look at [[Napoleon Bonaparte|Napoleon]] at the [[w:Battle of Berezina|Beresina]]! He abandoned his whole army. ** Ch. 7; a remark by Boris * '''Fate seemed to be playing a series of extraordinarily unamusing jokes.''' ** Ch. 7 * It is fatal to look hungry. It makes people want to kick you. ** Ch. 9; a remark by Boris * I only realized during my last week that I was being cheated, and, as I could prove nothing, only twenty-five francs were refunded. The doorkeeper played similar tricks on any employee who was fool enough to be taken in. He called himself a [[Greeks|Greek]], but in reality he was an [[Armenians|Armenian]]. After knowing him I saw the force of the proverb "Trust a snake before a Jew and a Jew before a Greek, but don't trust an Armenian." ** Ch. 13 * Roughly speaking, the more one pays for food, the more sweat and spittle one is obliged to eat with it. ... Dirtiness is inherent in hotels and restaurants, because sound food is sacrificed to punctuality and smartness... The only food at the Hotel X which was ever prepared cleanly was the staff's. ** Ch. 14 * We crawled up to bed, tumbled down half dressed, and stayed there ten hours. Most of my Saturday nights went like this. On the whole, the two hours when one was perfectly and wildly happy seemed worth the subsequent headache. For many men in the quarter, unmarried and with no future to think of, the weekly drinking-bout was the one thing that made life worth living. ** Ch. 17 * Looking round that filthy room, with raw meat lying among the refuse on the floor, and cold, clotted saucepans sprawling everywhere, and the sink blocked and coated with grease, I used to wonder whether there could be a restaurant in the world as bad as ours. But the other three all said they had been in dirtier places. ** Ch. 21; on the state of the kitchen at the newly opened ''[[w:Public_house#Inns|Auberge]]''. * How sweet the air does smell — even the air of a back-street in the suburbs — after the shut-in, subfaecal stench of the spike! ** Ch. 27, on the morning after Orwell is let out of his first tramps' accommodation, or 'spike'. * He had two subjects of conversation, the shame and come-down of being a tramp, and the best way of getting a free meal. ** Ch. 28, on Paddy the tramp * Paddy and I had scarcely a wink of sleep, for there was a man near us who had some nervous trouble, shell-shock perhaps, which made him cry out 'Pip!' at irregular intervals. It was a loud, startling noise, something like the toot of a small motor-horn. You never knew when it was coming, and it was a sure preventer of sleep. ...he must have kept ten or twenty people awake every night. He was an example of the kind of thing that prevents one from ever getting enough sleep when men are herded as they are in these lodging houses.' ** Ch. 29 * Being a beggar, he said, was not his fault, and he refused either to have any compunction about it or to let it trouble him. He was the enemy of society, and quite ready to take to crime if he saw a good opportunity. He refused on principle to be thrifty. In the summer he saved nothing, spending his surplus earnings on drink, as he did not care about women. If he was penniless when winter came on, then society must look after him. He was ready to extract every penny he could from charity, provided that he was not expected to say thank you for it. He avoided religious charities, however, for he said it stuck in his throat to sing hymns for buns. He had various other points of honour; for instance, it was his boast that never in his life, even when starving, had he picked up a cigarette end. He considered himself in a class above the ordinary run of beggars, who, he said, were an abject lot, without even the decency to be ungrateful. ** On "Bozo", in Ch. 30 * '''He was an embittered atheist (the sort of atheist who does not so much disbelieve in God as personally dislike Him), and took a sort of pleasure in thinking that human affairs would never improve.''' Sometimes, he said, when sleeping on the Embankment, it had consoled him to look up at Mars or Jupiter and think that there were probably Embankment sleepers there. He had a curious theory about this. Life on earth, he said, is harsh because the planet is poor in the necessities of existence. Mars, with its cold climate and scanty water, must be far poorer, and life correspondingly harsher. Whereas on earth you are merely imprisoned for stealing sixpence, on Mars you are probably boiled alive. '''This thought cheered Bozo, I do not know why. He was a very exceptional man.''' ** Ch. 30 * '''Beggars do not work, it is said; but then, what is ''work''?''' A navvy works by swinging a pick. An accountant works by adding up figures. A beggar works by standing out of doors in all weathers and getting varicose veins, bronchitis etc. '''It is a trade like any other; quite useless, of course — but, then, many reputable trades are quite useless.''' And as a social type a beggar compares well with scores of others. He is honest compared with the sellers of most patent medicines, high-minded compared with a Sunday newspaper proprietor, amiable compared with a hire-purchase tout-in short, a parasite, but a fairly harmless parasite. He seldom extracts more than a bare living from the community, and, what should justify him according to our ethical ideas, he pays for it over and over in suffering. ** Ch. 31 * The most bitter insult one can offer to a Londoner is "bastard" — which, taken for what it means, is hardly an insult at all. ** Ch. 32 * The whole business of swearing, especially English swearing, is mysterious. Of its very nature swearing is as irrational as magic-- indeed, it is a species of magic. But there is also a paradox about it, namely this: Our intention in swearing is to shock and wound, which we do by mentioning something that should be kept secret--usually something to do with the sexual functions. But the strange thing is that when a word is well established as a swear word, it seems to lose its original meaning; that is, it loses the thing that made it into a swear word. A word becomes an oath because it means a certain thing, and, because it has become an oath, it ceases to mean that thing. ** Ch. 32 * It is curious how people take it for granted that they have a right to preach at you and pray over you as soon as your income falls below a certain level. ** Ch. 33 * My story ends here. It is a fairly trivial story, and I can only hope that it has been interesting in the same way as a trivial diary is interesting. ... '''At present I do not feel I have seen more than the fringe of poverty. <br> Still, I can point to one or two things I have definitely learned by being hard up. I shall never again think that all tramps are drunken scoundrels, nor expect a beggar to be grateful when I give him a penny, nor be surprised if men out of work lack energy, nor subscribe to the Salvation Army, nor pawn my clothes, nor refuse a handbill, nor enjoy a meal at a smart restaurant. That is a beginning.''' ** Ch. 38 === ''[[w:Burmese Days|Burmese Days]]'' (1934) === [[File:British_Indian_Empire_1909_Imperial_Gazetteer_of_India.jpg|thumb|Living a lie the whole time — the lie that we're here to uplift our poor black brothers instead of to rob them … it [[corrupts]] us, it corrupts us in ways you can't imagine.]] * '''Ellis was one of those people who constantly nag others to echo their own opinions.''' ** Ch. II * '''Living a lie the whole time — the lie that we're here to uplift our poor black brothers instead of to rob them ... it corrupts us, it corrupts us in ways you can't imagine.''' ** John Flory, Ch. III * '''[[Beauty]] is meaningless until it is shared.''' ** Ch. IV * It is one of the tragedies of the half-educated that they develop late, when they are already committed to some wrong way of life. ** Ch. V * I always think they're rather charming-looking, the Burmese. They have such splendid bodies! Just think what sights you'd see in England if people went about half naked as they do here! ** John Flory, Ch X * An earthquake is such fun when it is over. ** Ch. XV * Is there anything in the world more graceless, more dishonouring, than to desire a woman whom you will never have? ** Ch XX * [[Envy]] is a horrible thing. It is unlike all other kinds of suffering in that there is no disguising it, no elevating it into tragedy. It is more than merely painful, it is disgusting. ** Ch. XX === ''[[w:Keep the Aspidistra Flying|Keep the Aspidistra Flying]]'' (1936) === [[File:Earthbound.jpg|thumb| And now abideth [[faith]], [[hope]], [[money]], these three; but the greatest of these is money.]] [[File:Rats holding money coins.jpg|thumb| If you have no [[money]], [[men]] won't care for you, [[women]] won't [[love]] you; won't, that is, care for you or love you the last little bit that matters.]] [[File:Soda jerk NYWTS.jpg|thumb|The Americans always go one better on any kind of beastliness, whether it is ice-cream soda, racketeering or theosophy. ]] * '''Though I speak with the tongues of men and of [[angels]], and have not [[money]], I am become as a sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.''' And though I have the gift of [[prophecy]], and understand all [[mysteries]], and all [[knowledge]]; and though I have all [[faith]], so that I could remove [[mountains]], and have not money, I am [[nothing]]. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not money, it profiteth me nothing. Money suffereth long, and is kind; money envieth not; money vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. ... '''And now abideth [[faith]], hope, money, these three; but the greatest of these is money.''' ** opening lines, I Corinthians xiii (adapted) * Money, once again; all is money. All human relationships must be purchased with money. '''If you have no money, men won't care for you, women won't love you; won't, that is, care for you or love you the last little bit that matters.''' And how right they are, after all! For, moneyless, you are unlovable. Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels. But then, if I haven't money, I DON'T speak with the tongues of men and of angels. * In a country like England you can no more be cultured without money than you can join the Cavalry Club. * That devastating omniscience! That noxious, horn-spectacled refinement! And the money that such refinement means! For after all, what is there behind it, except money? Money for the right kind of education, money for influential friends, money for leisure and peace of mind, money for trips to Italy. Money writes books, money sells them. Give me not righteousness, O Lord, give me money, only money. ** Ch. 1 * Of all types of human being, only the artist takes it upon himself to say that he 'cannot' work. But it is quite true; there ARE times when one cannot work. Money again, always money! Lack of money means discomfort, means squalid worries, means shortage of [[tobacco]], means ever-present [[consciousness]] of [[failure]] - above all, it means loneliness. How can you be anything but lonely on two quid a week? And in [[loneliness]] no decent book was ever written. ** Ch. 2 * No need to repeat the blasphemous comments which everyone who had known Gran'pa Comstock made on that last sentence. But it is worth pointing out that the chunk of granite on which it was inscribed weighed close on five tons and was quite certainly put there with the intention, though not the conscious intention, of making sure that Gran'pa Comstock shouldn't get up from underneath it. If you want to know what a dead man's relatives really think of him, a good rough test is the weight of his tombstone. ** Ch. 3 * Gordon and his friends had quite an exciting time with their 'subversive ideas'. For a whole year they ran an unofficial monthly paper called the Bolshevik, duplicated with [[w:hectograph|jellygraph]]. It advocated Socialism, free love, the dismemberment of the British Empire, the abolition of the [[British Army|Army]] and [[Royal Navy|Navy]], and so on and so forth. It was great fun. Every intelligent boy of sixteen is a Socialist. At that age one does not see the hook sticking out of the rather stodgy bait. ** Ch. 3 * There are two ways to live, he decided. You can be rich, or you can deliberately refuse to be rich. You can possess money, or you can despise money; the one fatal thing is to worship money and fail to get it. ** Ch.3 * Most of the employees were the hard-boiled, Americanized, go-getting type to whom nothing in the world is sacred, except money. They had their cynical code worked out. The public are swine; [[advertising]] is the rattling of a stick inside a swill-bucket. And yet beneath their cynicism there was the final naivete, the blind worship of the money-god. ** Ch. 3 * It was queer. All over England young men were eating their hearts out for lack of jobs, and here was he, Gordon, to whom the very word 'job' was faintly nauseous, having jobs thrust unwanted upon him. It was an example of the fact that '''you can get anything in this world if you genuinely don't want it.''' ** Ch. 3 * He had reached the age when the future ceases to be a rosy blur and becomes actual and menacing. ** Ch. 3 * That is the devilish thing about poverty, the ever-recurrent thing - loneliness. Day after day with never an intelligent person to talk to; night after night back to your godless room, always alone. Perhaps it sounds rather fun if you are rich and sought-after; but how different it is when you do it from necessity! ** Ch. 4 * When you have no money your life is one long series of snubs. ** Ch. 4 * Gordon put his hand against the swing door. He even pushed it open a few inches. The warm fog of smoke and beer slipped through the crack. A familiar, reviving smell; nevertheless as he smelled it his nerve failed him. No! Impossible to go in. He turned away. He couldn't go shoving into that saloon bar with only fourpence halfpenny in his pocket. Never let other people buy your drinks for you! The first commandment of the moneyless. He made off down the dark pavement. ** Ch. 4 * Social failure, artistic failure, sexual failure - they are all the same. And lack of money is at the bottom of them all. ** Ch. 4 * No rich man ever succeeds in disguising himself as a poor man; for money, like murder, will out. ** Ch. 5 * This life we live nowadays! It's not life, it's stagnation, death-in-life. Look at all these bloody houses, and the meaningless people inside them! Sometimes I think we're all corpses. Just rotting upright. ** Ch. 5 * Money is the one thing you must never mention when you are with people richer than yourself. Or if you do, then it must be money in the abstract, money with a big 'M', not the actual concrete money that's in your pocket and isn't in mine. ** Ch. 5 *After all, it's only what Marx said. Every ideology is a reflection of economic circumstances. ** Ch. 5 * Poverty is spiritual halitosis. ** Ch. 5 * Hermione always yawned at the mention of Socialism, and refused even to read Antichrist. 'Don't talk to me about the lower classes,' she used to say. 'I hate them. They ''smell''.' And Ravelston adored her. ** Ch. 5 * What rot it is to talk about Socialism or any other ism when women are what they are! The only thing a woman ever wants is money; money for a house of her own and two babies and Drage furniture and an aspidistra. The only sin they can imagine is not wanting to grab money. No woman ever judges a man by anything except his income. Of course she doesn't put it to herself like that. She says he's ''such a nice man'' - meaning that he's got plenty of money. And if you haven't got money you aren't ''nice''. You're dishonoured, somehow. You've sinned. Sinned against the aspidistra. ** Ch. 5 * This woman business! What a bore it is! What a pity we can't cut it right out, or at least be like the animals—minutes of ferocious lust and months of icy chastity. Take a cock pheasant, for example. He jumps up on the hen's backs without so much as a with your leave or by your leave. And no sooner is it over than the whole subject is out of his mind. He hardly even notices his hens any longer; he ignores them, or simply pecks them if they come too near his food. He is not called upon to support his offspring, either. Lucky pheasant! How different from the lord of creation, always on the hop between his memory and his conscience ** Ch. 6 * [[Marriage]] is only a trap set for you by the money-god. You grab the bait; snap goes the trap; and there you are, chained by the leg to some 'good' job till they cart you to Kensal Green. And what a life! Licit sexual intercourse in the shade of the aspidistra. Pram-pushing and sneaky adulteries. And the wife finding you out and breaking the cut-glass whisky decanter over your head. ** Ch. 6 ** _{Orwell is referring to Kensal Green Cemetery.} * Without money, you can't be straightforward in your dealings with women. For without money, you can't pick and choose, you've got to take what women you can get; and then, necessarily, you've got to break free of them. Constancy, like all other virtues, has got to be paid for in money. ** Ch. 6 * Why is it that one can't borrow from a rich friend and can from a half-starved relative? ** Ch. 7 * He would only drift and sink, drift and sink, like the others of his family; but worse than them - down, down into some dreadful sub-world that as yet he could only dimly imagine. It was what he had chosen when he declared war on money. Serve the money-god or go under; there is no other rule. ** Ch. 7 * She looked at him helplessly. After all, it was no use. There was this money-business standing in the way - these meaningless scruples which she had never understood but which she had accepted merely because they were his. She felt all the impotence, the resentment of a woman who sees an abstract idea triumphing over common sense. ** Ch. 10 * Their friendship was at an end, it seemed to him. The evil time when he had lived on Ravelston had spoiled everything. Charity kills friendship. ** Ch. 10 * Before, he had fought against the money code, and yet he had clung to his wretched remnant of decency. But now it was precisely from decency that he wanted to escape. He wanted to go down, deep down, into some world where decency no longer mattered; to cut the strings of his self-respect, to submerge himself—to ''sink'', as Rosemary had said. It was all bound up in his mind with the thought of being ''under ground''. He liked to think of the lost people, the under-ground people: tramps, beggars, criminals, prostitutes. It is a good world that they inhabit, down there in their frowzy kips and spikes. He liked to think that beneath the world of money there is that great sluttish underworld where failure and success have no meaning; a sort of kingdom of ghosts where all are equal. That was where he wished to be, down in the ghost-kingdom, ''below'' ambition. It comforted him somehow to think of the smoke-dim slums of South London sprawling on and on, a huge graceless wilderness where you could lose yourself forever. ** Ch. 10 * '''One's got to change the system, or one changes nothing.''' ** Ch. 10 *The Americans always go one better on any kind of beastliness, whether it is ice-cream soda, racketeering or theosophy. ** Ch. 11 === ''[[w:Homage to Catalonia|Homage to Catalonia]]'' (1938) === [[File:Spanish_Civil_War_memorial_-_geograph.org.uk_-_943633.jpg|thumb|I have the most [[evil]] [[memories]] of [[Spain]], but I have very few bad memories of Spaniards.]] : <small>[http://www.george-orwell.org/Homage_to_Catalonia/index.html Full text online]</small> * Chiefly I remember the horsy smells, the quavering bugle-calls (all our buglers were amateurs – I first learned the Spanish bugle-calls by listening to them outside the Fascist lines), the tramp-tramp of hobnailed boots in the barrack yard, the long morning parades in the wintry sunshine, the wild games of football, fifty a side, in the gravelled riding-school. ** Ch. 1 * It was the first time that I had ever been in a town where the working class was in the saddle ... There was much in it that I did not understand, '''in some ways I did not even like it, but I recognized it immediately as a state of affairs worth fighting for.''' ** Ch. 1 * '''Human beings were behaving as human beings and not as cogs in the capitalist machine.''' ** Ch. 1 * [G]oodness knows how many times the Spanish standard of marksmanship has saved my life. ** Ch. 3 * Everyone always did miss everyone else in this war, whenever it was humanly possible to do so. ** Ch. 3 * All Spaniards, we discovered, knew two English expressions. One was "O.K., baby", the other was a word used by the Barcelona whores in their dealings with English sailors, and I am afraid the compositors would not print it. ** Ch. 4 * The only unexpected feature in the Spanish situation – and outside Spain it has caused an immense amount of misunderstanding – is that among the parties on the Government side the Communists stood not upon the extreme Left, but upon the extreme Right. ** Ch. 5 *'''[F]inally, a year after the outbreak of war and revolution, there remained a Government composed entirely of Right-wing Socialists, Liberals, and Communists.''' ** Ch. 5 *'''In reality it was the Communists above all others who prevented revolution in Spain.''' ** Ch. 5 * The Communists had gained power and a vast increase of membership partly by appealing to the middle classes against the revolutionaries, but partly also because they were the only people who looked capable of winning the war. ** Ch. 5 * '''Elsewhere in Spain no formal unification between Socialists and Communists had taken place, but the Communist viewpoint and the Right-wing Socialist viewpoint could everywhere be regarded as identical.''' ** Ch. 5 * One of the most horrible features of war is that all the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting. ** Ch. 5 * It is the same in all wars; the soldiers do the fighting, the journalists do the shouting, and no true patriot ever gets near a front-line trench, except on the briefest of propaganda-tours. Sometimes it is a comfort to me to think that the aeroplane is altering the conditions of war. Perhaps when the next great war comes we may see that sight unprecedented in all history, a [[w:Jingoism|jingo]] with a bullet-hole in him. ** Ch. 5 * The revolutionary atmosphere remained as I had first known it. General and private, peasant and militiaman, still met as equals; everyone drew the same pay, wore the same clothes, ate the same food, and called everyone else 'thou' and 'comrade'; there was no boss-class, no menial-class, no beggars, no prostitutes, no lawyers, no priests, no boot-licking, no cap-touching. I was breathing the air of equality, and I was simple enough to imagine that it existed all over Spain. I did not realize that more or less by chance I was isolated among the most revolutionary section of the Spanish working class. ** Ch. 5 * In stationary warfare there are three things that all soldiers long for: a battle, more cigarettes, and a week's leave. ** Ch. 6 * I think the pacifists might find it helpful to illustrate their pamphlets with enlarged photographs of lice. Glory of war, indeed! ** Ch. 6 * By one of those strokes of luck that happen about once in a year I had managed to drop the bomb almost exactly where the rifle had flashed. There was the roar of the explosion and then, instantly, a diabolical outcry of screams and groans. We had got one of them, anyway; I don't know whether he was killed, but certainly he was badly hurt. Poor wretch, poor wretch! I felt a vague sorrow as I heard him screaming. ** Ch. 7 * The workers' militias, based on the trade unions and each composed of people of approximately the same political opinions, had the effect of canalizing into one place all the most revolutionary sentiment in the country. I had dropped more or less by chance into '''the only community of any size in Western Europe where political consciousness and disbelief in capitalism were more normal than their opposites.''' ** Ch. 8 * In every country in the world a huge tribe of party-hacks and sleek little professors are busy 'proving' that Socialism means no more than a planned state—capitalism with the grab-motive left intact. But fortunately there also exists a vision of Socialism quite different from this. The thing that attracts ordinary men to Socialism and makes them willing to risk their skins for it, the 'mystique' of Socialism, is the idea of equality; to the vast majority of people '''Socialism means a classless society, or it means nothing at all.''' ** Ch. 8 * '''I have no particular love for the idealised "worker" as he appears in the bourgeois Communist's mind, but when I see an actual flesh-and-blood worker in conflict with his natural enemy, the policeman, I do not have to ask myself which side I am on.''' ** Ch. 10 * The fat Russian agent was cornering all the foreign refugees in turn and explaining plausibly that this whole affair was an [[Anarchist]] plot. '''I watched him with some interest, for it was the first time that I had seen a person whose profession was telling lies — unless one counts journalists.''' ** Ch. 10 * An immense amount, enough to fill many books, has already been written on the subject [of the Barcelona fighting], and I do not suppose I should exaggerate if I said that nine-tenths of it is untruthful. ** Ch. 10 * '''No one I met at this time — doctors, nurses, practicantes, or fellow-patients — failed to assure me that a man who is hit through the neck and survives it is the luckiest creature alive. I could not help thinking that it would be even luckier not to be hit at all.''' ** Ch. 12 * It was queer how the general spirit seemed to change when you got anywhere near the front line. All or nearly all of the vicious hatred of the political parties evaporated. ** Ch. 13 * It seemed queer, in the barber's shop, to see the Anarchist notice still on the wall, explaining that tips were prohibited. '''"The Revolution has struck off our chains," the notice said. I felt like telling the barbers that their chains would soon be back on again if they didn't look out.''' ** Ch. 14 * '''I have the most evil memories of Spain, but I have very few bad memories of Spaniards.''' ** Ch. 14 === Charles Dickens (1939)=== * Men are only as good as their technical development allows them to be. ** "[[Charles Dickens]]" (1939), ''Inside the Whale and Other Essays'' (1940) [http://orwell.ru/library/reviews/dickens/english/e_chd] *The great disadvantage, and advantage, of the small urban bourgeois is his limited outlook. He sees the world as a middle-class world, and everything outside, these limits is either laughable or slightly wicked. ** ''A Collection of Essays'', pp. 65-66 * [[Charles Dickens|Dickens']]<nowiki/>s attitude is easily intelligible to an [[English people|Englishman]], because it is part of the English puritan tradition, which is not dead even at this day. The class Dickens belonged to, at least by adoption, was growing suddenly rich after a couple of centuries of obscurity. It had grown up mainly in the big towns, out of contact with agriculture, and politically impotent; government, in its experience, was something which either interfered or persecuted. Consequently it was a class with no tradition of public service and not much tradition of usefulness. '''What now strikes us as remarkable about the new moneyed class of the nineteenth century is their complete irresponsibility; they see everything in terms of individual success, with hardly any consciousness that the community exists.''' * The thing that drove Dickens forward into a form of art for which he was not really suited, and at the same time caused us to remember him, was simply the fact that he was a moralist, the consciousness of ‘having something to say’. He is always preaching a sermon, and that is the final secret of his inventiveness. For you can only create if you can ''care''. Types like Squeers and Micawber could not have been produced by a hack writer looking for something to be funny about. '''A joke worth laughing at always has an idea behind it, and usually a subversive idea. Dickens is able to go on being funny because he is in revolt against authority, and authority is always there to be laughed at.''' * '''When one reads any strongly individual piece of writing, one has the impression of seeing a [[face]] somewhere behind the page. It is not necessarily the actual face of the writer.''' I feel this very strongly with [[Jonathan Swift|Swift]], with [[Daniel Defoe|Defoe]], with [[Henry Fielding|Fielding]], [[Stendhal]], [[William Makepeace Thackeray|Thackeray]], [[Gustave Flaubert|Flaubert]], though in several cases I do not know what these people looked like and do not want to know. What one sees is the face that the writer ought to have. Well, in the case of Dickens I see a face that is not quite the face of Dickens's photographs, though it resembles it. It is the face of a man of about forty, with a small beard and a high colour. He is laughing, with a touch of [[anger]] in his [[laughter]], but no triumph, no malignity. It is the face of a man who is always fighting against something, but who fights in the open and is not frightened, the face of a man who is generously angry — in other words, of a nineteenth-century liberal, '''a free intelligence, a type hated with equal hatred by all the smelly little orthodoxies which are now contending for our [[souls]].''' * The truth is that Dickens's criticism of society is almost exclusively moral. Hence the utter lack of any constructive suggestion anywhere in his work. He attacks the law, parliamentary government, the educational system and so forth, without ever clearly suggesting what he would put in their places. Of course it is not necessarily the business of a novelist, or a satirist, to make constructive suggestions, but the point is that Dickens's attitude is at bottom not even destructive. There is no clear sign that he wants the existing order to be overthrown, or that he believes it would make very much difference if it ''were'' overthrown. For in reality his target is not so much society as ‘human nature’. It would be difficult to point anywhere in his books to a passage suggesting that the economic system is wrong ''as a system''. * I have been discussing Dickens simply in terms of his ‘message’, and almost ignoring his literary qualities. But every writer, especially every novelist, ''has'' a ‘message’, whether he admits it or not, and the minutest details of his work are influenced by it. '''All art is propaganda.''' Neither Dickens himself nor the majority of Victorian novelists would have thought of denying this. '''On the other hand, not all propaganda is art'''. As I said earlier, Dickens is one of those writers who are felt to be worth stealing. He has been stolen by Marxists, by Catholics and, above all, by Conservatives. The question is, What is there to steal? Why does anyone care about Dickens? Why do I care about Dickens? * The outstanding, unmistakable mark of Dickens's writing is the ''unnecessary detail''. * '''There are occasions when it pays better to fight and be beaten than not to fight at all.''' *'''If Dickens were alive to-day he would make a trip to Soviet Russia and come back with a book rather like Gide's ''Retour de L'URSS.''' * === [[w:The Lion and the Unicorn: Socialism and the English Genius|The Lion and the Unicorn]] (1941) === [[File:Heinkel He 111 during the Battle of Britain.jpg|thumb|As I write, highly civilized [[human]] beings are flying overhead, trying to [[kill]] me.]] [[File:Coat_of_Arms_of_the_United_Kingdom_(1837-1952).svg|thumb|[[England]] is perhaps the only great country whose intellectuals are ashamed of their own nationality.]] : <small>[http://www.k-1.com/Orwell/site/work/essays/lionunicorn.html "The Lion and the Unicorn: Socialism and the English Genius" (1941) Full text on line]</small> * '''As I write, highly civilized human beings are flying overhead, trying to kill me.''' <br> They do not feel any enmity against me as an individual, nor I against them. They are ‘only doing their duty’, as the saying goes. Most of them, I have no doubt, are kind-hearted law-abiding men who would never dream of committing murder in private life. ** Part I : England Your England, § I * '''One cannot see the modern world as it is unless one recognizes the overwhelming strength of patriotism, national loyalty.''' In certain circumstances it can break down, at certain levels of civilization it does not exist, but as a positive force there is nothing to set beside it. Christianity and international Socialism are as weak as straw in comparison with it. '''[[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] and [[Benito Mussolini|Mussolini]] rose to power in their own countries very largely because they could grasp this fact and their opponents could not.''' ** Part I : England Your England, § I *Also, one must admit that the divisions between nation and nation are founded on real differences of outlook. Till recently it was thought proper to pretend that all human beings are very much alike, but in fact anyone able to use his eyes knows that the average of human behaviour differs enormously from country to country. Things that could happen in one country could not happen in another. **Part I : England Your England, § I *Yes, there ''is'' something distinctive and recognisable in English civilisation. It is a culture as individual as that of Spain. It is somehow bound up with solid breakfasts and gloomy Sundays, smoky towns and winding roads, green fields and red pillar-boxes. It has a flavour of its own. **Part I : England Your England, § I *The gentleness of the English civilisation is perhaps its most marked characteristic. You notice it the instant you set foot on English soil. It is a land where the bus conductors are good-tempered and the policemen carry no revolvers. **Part I : England Your England, § II *A navy employs comparatively few people, and it is an external weapon which cannot affect home politics directly. Military dictatorships exist everywhere, but there is no such thing as a naval dictatorship. What English people of nearly all classes loathe from the bottom of their hearts is the swaggering officer type, the jingle of spurs, and the crash of boots. **Part I : England Your England, § II *The goose-step, for instance, is one of the most horrible sights in the world, far more terrifying than a dive-bomber. It is simply an affirmation of naked power; contained in it, quite consciously and intentionally, is '''the vision of a boot crashing down on a face'''. Its ugliness is part of its essence, for what it is saying is "Yes, I ''am'' ugly, and you daren't laugh at me", like the bully who makes faces at his victim. Why is the goose-step not used in England? There are, heaven knows, plenty of army officers who would be only too glad to introduce some such thing. It is not used because the people in the street would laugh. **Part I : England Your England, § II *During the war of 1914-18 the English working class were in contact with foreigners to an extent that is rarely possible. The sole result was that they brought back a hatred of all Europeans, except the Germans, whose courage they admired. In four years on French soil they did not even acquire a liking for wine. **Part I : England Your England, § III *Thereupon the people picked a leader nearer to their mood, Churchill, who was at any rate able to grasp that '''wars are not won without fighting'''. Later, perhaps, they will pick another leader who can grasp that only Socialist nations can fight effectively. **Part I : England Your England, § III *England is the most class-ridden country under the sun. It is a land of snobbery and privilege, ruled largely by the old and silly. But in any calculation about it one has got to take into account its emotional unity, the tendency of nearly all its inhabitants to feel alike and act together in moments of supreme crisis. It is the only great country in Europe that is not obliged to drive hundreds of thousands of its nationals into exile or the concentration camps. ** Part I : England Your England, § III * Is the English press honest or dishonest? '''At normal times it is deeply dishonest. All the papers that matter live off their advertisements, and the advertisers exercise an indirect censorship over news.''' Yet I do not suppose there is one paper in England that can be straightforwardly bribed with hard cash. '''In the France of the Third Republic all but a very few of the newspapers could notoriously be bought over the counter like so many pounds of cheese.''' ** Part I : England Your England, § III *England is not the jewelled isle of [[Shakespeare]]’s [[Richard_II_(play)#Act_II|much-quoted message]], nor is it the inferno depicted by Dr [[Goebbels]]. More than either it resembles a family, a rather stuffy Victorian family, with not many black sheep in it but with all its cupboards bursting with skeletons. It has rich relations who have to be kow-towed to and poor relations who are horribly sat upon, and there is a deep conspiracy of silence about the source of the family income. It is a family in which the young are generally thwarted and most of the power is in the hands of irresponsible uncles and bedridden aunts. Still, it is a family. It has its private language and its common memories, and at the approach of an enemy it closes its ranks. A family with the wrong members in control — that, perhaps, is as near as one can come to describing England in a phrase. ** Part I : England Your England, § III *Probably the battle of Waterloo ''was'' won on the playing-fields of Eton, but the opening battles of all subsequent wars have been lost there. **Part I : England Your England, § IV *It must be admitted that so long as things were peaceful the methods of the British ruling class served them well enough. Their own people manifestly tolerated them. However unjustly England might be organized, it was at any rate not torn by class warfare or haunted by secret police. The Empire was peaceful as no area of comparable size has ever been. Throughout its vast extend, nearly a quarter of the earth, there were fewer armed men than would be found necessary by a minor Balkan state. As people live under, and looking at them merely from a liberal, ''negative'' standpoint, the British ruling class had their points. ** Part I : England Your England, § IV *The policeman who arrests the "Red" does not understand the theories the "Red" is preaching; if he did, his own position as bodyguard of the monied class might seem less pleasant to him. ** Part I : England Your England, § IV * '''The British ruling class were not altogether wrong in thinking that Fascism was on their side. It is a fact that any rich man, unless he is a Jew, has less to fear from Fascism than from either Communism or democratic Socialism. One ought never to forget this, for nearly the whole of German and Italian propaganda is designed to cover it up.''' ** Part I : England Your England, § IV *The middle-class families celebrated by [[Rudyard Kipling|Kipling]], the prolific lowbrow families whose sons officered the army and navy and swarmed over all the waste places of the earth from the [[Yukon]] to the Irrawaddy, were dwindling before 1914. The thing that had killed them was the telegraph. In a narrowing world, more and more governed from Whitehall, there was every year less room for individual initiative. **Part I : England Your England, § V * '''England is perhaps the only great country whose intellectuals are ashamed of their own nationality.''' In left-wing circles it is always felt that there is something slightly disgraceful in being an Englishman and that it is a duty to snigger at every English institution, from horse racing to suet puddings. It is a strange fact, but it is unquestionably true that almost any English intellectual would feel more ashamed of standing to attention during ''God save the King'' than of stealing from a poor box. ** Part I : England Your England, § V *In whatever shape England emerges from the war it will be deeply tinged with the characteristics that I have spoken of earlier. The intellectuals who hope to see it Russianized or Germanized will be disappointed. The gentleness, the hypocrisy, the thoughtlessness, the reverence for law and the hatred of uniforms will remain, along with the suet puddings and the misty skies. It needs some very great disaster, such as prolonged subjugation by a foreign enemy, to destroy a national culture. The Stock Exchange will be pulled down, the horse plough will give way to the tractor, the country houses will be turned into children’s holiday camps, the Eton and Harrow match will be forgotten, but England will still be England, an everlasting animal stretching into the future and the past, and, like all living things, having the power to change out of recognition and yet remain the same. **Part I : England Your England, § VI * '''Fascism, at any rate the German version, is a form of [[capitalism]] that borrows from [[Socialism]] just such features as will make it efficient for [[war]] purposes.''' Internally, Germany has a good deal in common with a Socialist state. Ownership has never been abolished, there are still capitalists and workers, and — this is the important point, and the real reason why rich men all over the world tend to sympathize with Fascism — generally speaking the same people are capitalists and the same people workers as before the [[Nazi]] revolution. But at the same time the State, which is simply the Nazi Party, is in control of everything. It controls investment, raw materials, rates of interest, working hours, wages. The factory owner still owns his factory, but he is for practical purposes reduced to the status of a manager. Everyone is in effect a State employee, though the salaries vary very greatly. The mere efficiency of such a system, the elimination of waste and obstruction, is obvious. In seven years it has built up the most powerful war machine the world has ever seen. <br /> But '''the idea underlying Fascism is irreconcilably different from that which underlies Socialism. Socialism aims, ultimately, at a world-state of free and equal human beings. It takes the equality of human rights for granted. Nazism assumes just the opposite.''' The driving force behind the Nazi movement is the belief in human inequality, the superiority of Germans to all other races, the right of Germany to rule the world. Outside the German Reich it does not recognize any obligations. ** Part II : Shopkeepers At War, § I * It is only by revolution that the native genius of the English people can be set free. Revolution does not mean red flags and street fighting, it means a fundamental shift of power. Whether it happens with or without bloodshed is largely an accident of time and place. Nor does it mean the dictatorship of a single class. The people in England who grasp what changes are needed and are capable of carrying them through are not confined to any one class, though it is true that very few people with over £2,000 a year are among them. What is wanted is a conscious open revolt by ordinary people against inefficiency, class privilege and the rule of the old. **Part II : Shopkeepers At War, § II * The lady in the [[w:Rolls-Royce|Rolls-Royce]] [[car]] is more damaging to morale than a fleet of [[Hermann Göring|Göring’]]<nowiki/>s bombing planes. **Part II : Shopkeepers At War, § III * War is the greatest of all agents of change. It speeds up all processes, wipes out minor distinctions, brings realities to the surface. **Part III : The English Revolution, § II === ''[[w:As I Please|As I Please]]'' (1943–1947) === [[File:George Orwell, c. 1940 (41928180381).jpg|thumb|To admit that an opponent might be both [[honest]] and [[intelligent]] is felt to be intolerable. It is more immediately satisfying to shout that he is a [[fool]] or a [[scoundrel]], or both, than to find out what he is really like. It is this [[habit]] of [[mind]], among other things, that has made political prediction in our time so remarkably unsuccessful. ]] * Having defeated your enemy you have to choose (unless you want another war within a generation) between exterminating him and treating him generously. **"As I Please," ''Tribune'', (24 December 1943) * So far as it goes, the distinction, between an atrocity and an act of war is valid. An atrocity means an act of terrorism which has no genuine military purpose. One must accept such distinctions if one accepts war at all, which in practice everyone does.  Nevertheless, a world in which it is wrong to murder an individual and right to drop a thousand tons of high explosive on a residential area does sometimes make me wonder whether this planet of hours is not a loony-bin made use of by some other planet. **"As I Please," ''Tribune'', (31 December 1943) *Not to have a national anthem would be logical. ** "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (31 December 1943)^{[http://www.telelib.com/words/authors/O/OrwellGeorge/essay/tribune/AsIPlease19431231.html]} * Antisemitism, for instance, is simply not the doctrine of a grown-up person. ** "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (28 January 1944)^{[http://www.telelib.com/words/authors/O/OrwellGeorge/essay/tribune/AsIPlease19440128.html]} * During the Spanish civil war I found myself feeling very strongly that a true history of this war never would or could be written.&nbsp; Accurate figures, objective accounts of what was happening, simply did not exist.&nbsp; And if I felt that even in 1937, when the Spanish Government was still in being, and the lies which the various Republican factions were telling about each other and about the enemy were relatively small ones, how does the case stand now?&nbsp; Even if Franco is overthrown, what kind of records will the future historian have to go upon?&nbsp; And if Franco or anyone at all resembling him remains in power, the history of the war will consist quite largely of "facts" which millions of people now living know to be lies. * During part of 1941 and 1942, when the Luftwaffe was busy in Russia, the German radio regaled its home audience with stories of devastating air raids on [[London]].&nbsp; Now, we are aware that those raids did not happen.&nbsp; But what use would our knowledge be if the Germans conquered Britain?&nbsp; For the purpose of a future [[historian]], did those raids happen, or didn't they?&nbsp; The answer is:&nbsp; If Hitler survives, they happened, and if he falls they didn't happen.&nbsp; So with innumerable other events of the past ten or twenty years.&nbsp; Is the [[w:The_Protocols_of_the_Elders_of_Zion|Protocols of the Elders of Zion]] a genuine document?&nbsp; Did [[Leon Trotsky|Trotsky]] plot with the Nazis?&nbsp; How many German aeroplanes were shot down in the Battle of Britain?&nbsp; Does Europe welcome the [[New world order|New Order]]?&nbsp; In no case do you get one answer which is universally accepted because it is true: in each case you get a number of totally incompatible answers, one of which is finally adopted as the result of a physical struggle.&nbsp; '''History is written by the winners.''' * A Nazi and a non-Nazi version of the present war would have no resemblance to one another, and which of them finally gets into the history books will be decided not by evidential methods but on the battlefield......In the last analysis our only claim to victory is that if we win the war we shall tell less lies about it than our adversaries. The really frightening thing about totalitarianism is not that it commits "atrocities" but that it attacks the concept of objective truth; it claims to control the past as well as the future. ** "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (4 February 1944)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/hiwbtw/]} * But it takes a war to make map-reading popular. **"As I Please," ''Tribune'' (11 February 1944) *The idea that an advanced civilization need not rest on slavery is a relatively new idea, for instance; it is a good deal younger than the Christian religion. But even if [[G.K. Chesterton|Chesterton]]'s dictum were true, it would only be true in the sense that a statue is contained in every block of stone. Ideas may not change, but emphasis shifts constantly. It could be claimed, for example, that the most important part of [[Karl Marx|Marx]]'s theory is contained in the saying: '''‘Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.’''' But before [[Karl Marx|Marx]] developed it, what force had that saying had? Who had paid any attention to it? Who had inferred from it — what it certainly implies — that laws, religions and moral codes are all a superstructure built over existing property relations? It was [[Jesus|Christ]], according to the Gospel, who uttered the text, but it was Marx who brought it to life. And ever since he did so the motives of politicians, priests, judges, moralists and millionaires have been under the deepest suspicion — which, of course, is why they hate him so much.' ** [http://orwell.ru/library/articles/As_I_Please/english/eaip_01 ''As I Please'' (25 February 1944)] * If you talk to a thoughtful Christian, Catholic or [[Anglicanism|Anglican]], you often find yourself laughed at for being so ignorant as to suppose that anyone ever took the doctrines of the Church literally. ** [https://books.google.com/books?id=fCRLPIbLP8IC&pg=PA133&dq=%22it+is+almost+impossible+to+think+without+talking%22&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjZi9qjndzZAhURrVkKHbDDCxkQ6AEILjAB#v=snippet&q=talk%20to%20a%20thoughtful%20christian&f=false "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (3 March 1944)] * Having lived in an oriental country I have developed a certain indifference to miracles, and I well know that having delusions, or even being an outright lunatic, is quite compatible with what is loosely called genius. **[https://books.google.com/books?id=fCRLPIbLP8IC&pg=PA133&dq=%22it+is+almost+impossible+to+think+without+talking%22&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjZi9qjndzZAhURrVkKHbDDCxkQ6AEILjAB#v=snippet&q=certain%20indifference%20to%20miracles&f=false "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (3 March 1944)] *[Man] is not likely to salvage civilization unless he can evolve a system of good and evil which is independent of heaven and hell. ** [https://books.google.com/books?id=fCRLPIbLP8IC&pg=PA133&dq=%22it+is+almost+impossible+to+think+without+talking%22&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjZi9qjndzZAhURrVkKHbDDCxkQ6AEILjAB#v=snippet&q=certain%20indifference%20to%20miracles&f=false "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (3 March 1944)] * Let a politician die, and his worst enemies will stand up on the floor of the House and utter pious lies in his honour, but a writer or artist must be sniffed at, at least if he is any good. ** [https://books.google.com/books?id=fCRLPIbLP8IC&pg=PA133&dq=%22it+is+almost+impossible+to+think+without+talking%22&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjZi9qjndzZAhURrVkKHbDDCxkQ6AEILjAB#v=onepage&q=%22let%20a%20politician%20die%22&f=false "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (10 March 1944)] * [E]ven stupidity is better than totalitarianism. ** [http://books.google.com/books?id=fCRLPIbLP8IC&pg=PA133&dq=%22it+is+almost+impossible+to+think+without+talking%22&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjZi9qjndzZAhURrVkKHbDDCxkQ6AEILjAB#v=onepage&q=stupidity%20is%20better%20than%20totalitarianism&f=false "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (10 March 1944)] * It will be seen that, as used, the word ‘Fascism’ is almost entirely meaningless. In conversation, of course, it is used even more wildly than in print. I have heard it applied to [[Agriculture|farmers]], shopkeepers, Social Credit, [[corporal punishment]], fox-hunting, bull-fighting, the 1922 Committee, the 1941 Committee, Kipling, Gandhi, [[Chiang Kai-shek|Chiang Kai-Shek]], [[homosexuality]], Priestley's broadcasts, Youth Hostels, [[astrology]], [[women]], [[dogs]] and I do not know what else. ** "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (24 March 1944)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/wif/]} * But Fascism is also a political and [[economic system]].&nbsp; Why, then, cannot we have a clear and generally accepted definition of it?&nbsp; Alas! we shall not get one—not yet, anyway.&nbsp; To say why would take too long, but basically it is because it is impossible to define Fascism satisfactorily without making admissions which neither the Fascists themselves, nor the Conservatives, nor Socialists of any colour, are willing to make.&nbsp; All one can do for the moment is to use the word with a certain amount of circumspection and not, as is usually done, degrade it to the level of a swearword. ** "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (24 March 1944)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/wif/]} * '''The [[fallacy]] is to believe that under a dictatorial government you can be free ''inside''.'''&nbsp; Quite a number of people console themselves with this thought, now that totalitarianism in one form or another is visibly on the up-grade in every part of the world.&nbsp; Out in the street the loudspeakers bellow, the flags flutter from the rooftops, the police with their tommy-guns prowl to and fro, the face of the Leader, four feet wide, glares from every hoarding; but up in the attics the secret enemies of the regime can record their thoughts in perfect freedom—that is the idea, more or less. **[https://books.google.com/books?id=fCRLPIbLP8IC&lpg=PA132&dq=%22fallacy%20is%20to%20believe%20that%20under%20a%20dictatorial%22&pg=PA132#v=onepage&q=%22fallacy%20is%20to%20believe%20that%20under%20a%20dictatorial%22&f=false "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (28 April 1944)] * The greatest mistake is to imagine that the human being is an autonomous individual. The secret freedom which you can supposedly enjoy under a despotic government is nonsense, because your thoughts are never entirely your own. [[Philosophy|Philosophers]], [[Authors|writers]], [[Art|artists]], even [[scientists]], not only need encouragement and an audience, they need constant stimulation from other people. '''It is almost impossible to think without talking.''' ... '''Take away freedom of speech, and the creative faculties dry up.''' ** [https://books.google.com/books?id=fCRLPIbLP8IC&pg=PA133&dq=%22it+is+almost+impossible+to+think+without+talking%22&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjZi9qjndzZAhURrVkKHbDDCxkQ6AEILjAB#v=onepage&q=%22it%20is%20almost%20impossible%20to%20think%20without%20talking%22&f=false "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (28 April 1944)] * One of the big failures in human history has been the agelong attempt to stop women painting their faces. ** [http://alexpeak.com/twr/orwell/quotes/ "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (28 April 1944)] * In the [[19th century|nineteenth century]] some parts of the world were unexplored, but there was almost no restriction on [[travel]].&nbsp; Up to 1914 you did not need a [[passport]] for any country except Russia.&nbsp; The [[Europe|European]] emigrant, if he could scrape together a few pounds for the passage, simply set sail for [[Americas|America]] or [[Australia]], and when he got there no questions were asked.&nbsp; In the eighteenth century it had been quite normal and safe to travel in a country with which your own country was at war. ** "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (12 May 1944)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/orwell/quotes/]} * A phrase much used in political circles in this country is "playing into the hands of".&nbsp; It is a sort of charm or incantation to silence uncomfortable truths.&nbsp; When you are told that by saying this, that or the other you are "playing into the hands of" some sinister enemy, you know that it is your duty to shut up immediately. ** "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (9 June 1944)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/tpithoa/]} * Circus dogs jump when the trainer cracks his whip, but the really well-trained dog is the one that turns his somersault when there is no whip. ** "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (7 July 1944) * [T]he outcry against killing women, if you accept killing at all, is sheer sentimentality.&nbsp; Why is it worse to kill a woman than a man? ** "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (14 July 1944)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/orwell/quotes/]} * The whole question of [[Evolutionary game theory|evolution]] seems less momentous than it did, because, unlike the [[Victorian era|Victorians]], we do not feel that to be descended from [[animals]] is degrading to human dignity. ** "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (21 July 1944)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/orwell/quotes/]} * In any form of art designed to appeal to large numbers of people,...[t]he rich man is usually 'bad', and his machinations are invariably frustrated.&nbsp; 'Good poor man defeats bad rich man' is an accepted formula. ** "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (28 July 1944)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/orwell/quotes/]} * War damages, the fabric of civilisation not by the destruction it causes (the net effect of a war may even be to increase the productive capacity of the world as a whole) nor even by the slaughter of human beings, but by the stimulated hatred and dishonesty. **"As I Please," ''Tribune'' (4 August 1944)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/orwell/quotes/]} *Anyone who knows of a provable instance of colour discrimination ought always to expose it. ** "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (11 August 1944)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/orwell/quotes/]} * Stop to consider how the so-called owners of the land got hold of it.&nbsp; They simply seized it by force, afterwards hiring lawyers to provide them with title-deeds.&nbsp; In the case of the [[w:enclosure|enclosure]] of the common lands, which was going on from about 1600 to 1850, the land-grabbers did not even have the excuse of being foreign conquerors; '''they were quite frankly taking the heritage of their own countrymen,''' upon no sort of pretext except that they had the power to do so.^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/oateotc/]} * I note that once again there is serious talk of trying to attract tourists to this country after the war...[b]ut it is quite safe to prophesy that the attempt will be a failure.&nbsp; Apart from the many other difficulties, our licensing laws and the artificial price of drink are quite enough to keep foreigners away.&nbsp; ...&nbsp; But even these prices are less dismaying to foreigners than the lunatic laws which permit you to buy a glass of beer at half past ten while forbidding you to buy it at twenty-five past, and which have done their best to turn the pubs into mere boozing shops by excluding children from them. :How downtrodden we are in comparison with most other peoples is shown by the fact that even people who are far from being "[[temperance]]" don't seriously imagine that our licensing laws could be altered.&nbsp; Whenever I suggest that pubs might be allowed to open in the afternoon, or to stay open till midnight, I always get the same answer:&nbsp; "The first people to object would be the publicans.&nbsp; They don't want to have to stay open twelve hours a day."&nbsp; People assume, you see, that opening hours, whether long or short, must be regulated by the law, even for one-man businesses.&nbsp; In France, and in various other countries, a café proprietor opens or shuts just as it suits him.&nbsp; He can keep open the whole twenty-four hours if he wants to; and, on the other hand, if he feels like shutting his cafe and going away for a week, he can do that too.&nbsp; In England we have had no such liberty for about a hundred years, and people are hardly able to imagine it.^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/dwall/]} :* "As I Please" column in ''The Tribune'' (18 August 1944) * First of all, a message to English left-wing journalists and intellectuals generally: '''Do remember that dishonesty and cowardice always have to be paid for.'''&nbsp; Don't imagine that for years on end you can make yourself the boot-licking propagandist of the Soviet régime, or any other régime, and then suddenly return to mental decency.&nbsp; Once a whore, always a whore. ** "As I Please" column in ''The Tribune'' (1 September 1944)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/trriw/]} * [Some correspondents] rightly claimed that State patronage [for artists and authors] is a better guarantee against starvation than private patronage, but seemed to me too ready to disregard the censorship that this implies.&nbsp; The usual line was that it is better for the artist to be a responsible member of a community than an anarchic individualist.&nbsp; The issue, however, is not between irresponsible "self-expression" and discipline; it is between truth and lies. Artists don't so much object to ''aesthetic'' discipline.&nbsp; [[Architecture|Architects]] will design theatres or churches equally readily, writers will switch from the three-volume novel to the one-volume, or from the play to the film, according to the demand.&nbsp; But the point is that this is a political age.&nbsp; A writer inevitably writes—and less directly this applies to all the arts—about contemporary events, and his impulse is to tell what he believes to be the truth.&nbsp; But no government, no big organization, will pay for the truth.&nbsp; To take a crude example: can you imagine the British Government commissioning [[E. M. Forster]] to write ''[[A Passage to India]]''?&nbsp; He could only write it because he was ''not'' dependent on State aid. ** "As I Please" column in ''The Tribune'' (13 October 1944)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/orwell/quotes/][http://alexpeak.com/twr/ooc/#2]} * The thing that I think very striking is that no one, or no one I can remember, ever writes of an execution ''with approval''.&nbsp; The dominant note is always horror.&nbsp; Society, apparently, cannot get along without capital punishment—for there are some people whom it is simply not safe to leave alive—and yet there is no one, when the pinch comes, who feels it right to kill another human being in cold blood.&nbsp; I watched a man hanged once.&nbsp; There was no question that everybody concerned knew this to be a dreadful, unnatural action.&nbsp; I believe it is always the same—the whole jail, warders and prisoners alike, is upset when there is an execution.&nbsp; It is probably the fact that capital punishment is accepted as necessary, and yet instinctively felt to be wrong, that gives so many descriptions of executions their tragic atmosphere.&nbsp; They are mostly written by people who have actually watched an execution and feel it to be a terrible and only partly comprehensible experience which they want to record; whereas battle literature is largely written by people who have never heard a gun go off and think of a battle as a sort of football match in which nobody gets hurt. ** "As I Please" column in ''The Tribune'' (3 November 1944)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/oocp/]} * The thing that strikes me more and more—and it strikes a lot of other people, too—is the extraordinary viciousness and dishonesty of political controversy in our time.&nbsp; I don't mean merely that controversies are acrimonious.&nbsp; They ought to be that when they are on serious subjects.&nbsp; '''I mean that almost nobody seems to feel that an opponent deserves a fair hearing or that the objective truth matters as long as you can score a neat debating point.''' ** "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (8 December 1944)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/tdoaom/]} * We are told that it is only people's objective actions that matter, and their subjective feelings are of no importance.&nbsp; Thus pacifists, by obstructing the war effort, are 'objectively' aiding the Nazis; and therefore the fact that they may be personally hostile to Fascism is irrelevant.&nbsp; I have been guilty of saying this myself more than once.&nbsp; The same argument is applied to [[Leon Trotsky|Trotskyism]]...To criticize the Soviet Union helps [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]]: therefore "Trotskyism is Fascism".&nbsp; And when this has been established, the accusation of conscious treachery is usually repeated. '''This is not only dishonest; it also carries a severe penalty with it.&nbsp; If you disregard people's motives, it becomes much harder to foresee their actions.''' ** "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (8 December 1944)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/tdoaom/]} * '''The important thing is to discover ''which'' individuals are honest and which are not, and the usual blanket accusation merely makes this more difficult.'''&nbsp; The atmosphere of hatred in which controversy is conducted blinds people to considerations of this kind.&nbsp; '''To admit that an opponent might be both honest and intelligent is felt to be intolerable.&nbsp; It is more immediately satisfying to shout that he is a fool or a scoundrel, or both, than to find out what he is really like.'''&nbsp; It is this habit of mind, among other things, that has made political prediction in our time so remarkably unsuccessful. ** "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (8 December 1944)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/tdoaom/]} * [[w:Victor_Raikes|Victor Raikes]], the Tory M.P., who is an able and outspoken reactionary, made a speech which I should have considered a good one if it had referred only to [[Poland]] and [[Yugoslavia|Jugoslavia]].&nbsp; But after dealing with those two countries he went on to speak about [[Greece]], and then suddenly black became white, and white black.&nbsp; There was no booing, no interjections from the quite large audience—and none there, apparently, who could see that the forcing of quisling governments upon unwilling peoples is equally undesirable whoever does it. * ''The Daily Worker'' disapproves of dictatorship in [[Athens]], the ''Catholic Herald'' disapproves of dictatorship in [[Belgrade]].&nbsp; There is no one who is able to say—at least, no one who has the chance to say in a newspaper of big circulation—that this whole dirty game of spheres of influence, quislings, purges, deportation, one-party elections and hundred per cent plebiscites is morally the same whether it is done by ourselves, the Russians or the Nazis.&nbsp; Even in the case of such frank returns to barbarism as the use of hostages, disapproval is only felt when it happens to be the enemy and not ourselves who is doing it. ** "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (26 January 1945)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/orwell/quotes/]} * It is not a good symptom that hanging should still be the accepted form of [[capital punishment]] in this country.&nbsp; Hanging is a barbarous, inefficient way of killing anybody, and at least [[w:Death erection|one fact about it]]—quite widely known, I believe—is so obscene as to be almost unprintable. ** "As I Please" column in ''The Tribune'' (15 November 1946)^{[http://alexpeak.com/twr/oocp/]} * While the game of deadlocks and bottle-necks goes on, another more serious game is also being played. It is governed by two axioms. One is that there can be no peace without a general surrender of sovereignty: the other is that no country capable of defending its sovereignty ever surrenders it. '''If one keeps these axioms in mind one can generally see the [[relevant]] [[facts]] in international affairs through the smoke-screen with which the newspapers surround them.''' ** "As I Please," ''Tribune'' (13 December 1946) * '''This business of making people ''conscious'' of what is happening outside their own small circle is one of the major problems of our time, and a new literary technique will have to be evolved to meet it.''' Considering that the people of this country are not having a very comfortable time, you can't perhaps, blame them for being somewhat callous about suffering elsewhere, but the remarkable thing is the extent to which they manage to be unaware of it. Tales of [[starvation]], ruined cities, concentration camps, mass deportations, homeless refugees, persecuted Jews&nbsp;— all this is received with a sort of incurious surprise, as though such things had never been heard of but at the same time were not particularly interesting. The now-familiar photographs of skeleton-like children make very little impression. '''As time goes on and the horrors pile up, the mind seems to secrete a sort of self-protecting ignorance which needs a harder and harder shock to pierce it, just as the body will become immunised to a drug and require bigger and bigger doses.''' ** "As I Please," ''The Tribune'' (17 January 1947) * Since the decay of the belief in personal [[immortality]], death has never seemed funny, and it will be a long time before it does so again. Hence the disappearance of the facetious epitaph, once a common feature of country churchyards. I should be astonished to see a comic epitaph dated later than 1850. There is one in Kew, if I remember rightly, which might be about that date. About half the tombstone is covered with a long panegyric on his dead wife by a bereaved husband: at the bottom of the stone is a later inscription which reads, ‘Now he’s gone, too’.' ** [http://www.telelib.com/authors/O/OrwellGeorge/essay/tribune/AsIPlease19470214.html ''As I Please'' (17 February 1947)] * But is it really necessary, in 1947, to teach children to use expressions like "native" and "[[Chinese people|Chinaman]]"?</br>The last-named word has been regarded as offensive by the Chinese for at least a dozen years. As for “native,” it was being officially discountenanced even in India as long as twenty years ago.</br>It is no use answering that it is childish for an [[India|Indian]] or an [[Africa|African]] to feel insulted when he is called a “native.” We all have these feelings in one form or another. '''If a Chinese wants to be called a Chinese and not a Chinaman, if a [[Scotland|Scotsman]] objects to be called a Scotchman, or if a Negro demands his capital N, it is only the most ordinary politeness to do what is asked of one.''' ** [https://web.archive.org/web/20140726212048/http://www.netcharles.com/orwell/essays/asiplease1947-01.htm "As I Please," ''Daily Herald/Tribune'' (27 February 1947)] === Looking Back on the Spanish War (1943) === [[File:RepublicanWoman1936GTaro.jpg|thumb|We have become too civilized to grasp the obvious. For the [[truth]] is very [[simple]]. To [[survive]] you often have to fight, and to fight you have to dirty yourself. [[War]] is [[evil]], and it is often the lesser evil.]] : <small>[http://orwell.ru/library/essays/Spanish_War/english/esw_1 Full text online]</small> * '''We have become too civilized to grasp the obvious. For the [[truth]] is very [[simple]]. To [[survive]] you often have to fight, and to fight you have to dirty yourself. War is evil, and it is often the lesser evil. Those who take the sword perish by the sword, and those who don't take the sword perish by smelly diseases.''' ** § 1 * I have little direct evidence about the atrocities in the [[w:Spanish Civil War|Spanish civil war]]. I know that some were committed by the Republicans, and far more (they are still continuing) by the Fascists. But what impressed me then, and has impressed me ever since, is that atrocities are believed in or disbelieved in solely on grounds of political predilection. '''Everyone believes in the atrocities of the enemy and disbelieves in those of his own side, without ever bothering to examine the evidence.''' ** § 2 * Early in life I have noticed that no event is ever correctly reported in a newspaper, but in Spain, for the first time, I saw newspaper reports which did not bear any relation to the facts, not even the relationship which is implied in an ordinary lie. '''I saw great battles reported where there had been no fighting, and complete silence where hundreds of men had been killed. I saw troops who had fought bravely denounced as cowards and traitors, and others who had never seen a shot fired hailed as the heroes of imaginary victories;''' and '''I saw newspapers in London retailing these lies and eager intellectuals building emotional superstructures over events that had never happened. I saw, in fact, history being written not in terms of what happened but of what ought to have happened according to various ‘party lines’'''. ** § 4 * This kind of thing is frightening to me, because '''it often gives me the feeling that the very concept of objective truth is fading out of the world.''' [...] A British and a German historian would disagree deeply on many things, even on fundamentals, but there would still be that body of, as it were, neutral fact on which neither would seriously challenge the other. '''It is just this common basis of agreement, with its implication that human beings are all one species of animal, that totalitarianism destroys. Nazi theory indeed specifically denies that such a thing as ‘the truth’ exists. There is, for instance, no such thing as ‘Science’. There is only ‘German Science’, ‘Jewish Science’, etc.''' The implied objective of this line of thought is a nightmare world in which the Leader, or some ruling clique, controls not only the future but the past. If the Leader says of such and such an event, ‘It never happened’ — well, it never happened. If he says that two and two are five — well, two and two are five. This prospect frightens me much more than bombs — and after our experiences of the last few years that is not a frivolous statement. ** § 4 * The intelligentsia are the people who squeal loudest against fascism, and yet a respectable proportion of them collapse into defeatism when the pinch comes. They are far-sighted enough to see the odds against them, and moreover they can be bribed — for it is evident that the Nazis think it worth while to bribe intellectuals. ** § 5 * When one thinks of the cruelty, squalor, and futility of war - and in this particular case of the intrigues, the persecutions, the lies and the misunderstandings - there is always the temptation to say: "One side is as bad as the other. I am neutral." In practice, however, one cannot be neutral, and there is hardly such a thing as a war in which it makes no difference who wins. Nearly always one side stands more or less for progress, the other more or less for reaction. **§ 5 * The outcome of the Spanish war was settled in [[London]], [[Paris]], [[Rome]], [[Berlin]] — at any rate not in Spain. After the summer of 1937 those with eyes in their heads realized that the Government could not win the war unless there were some profound change in the international set-up, and in deciding to fight on [[w:Juan Negrín|Negrin]] and the others may have been partly influenced by the expectation that the world war which actually broke out in 1939 was coming in 1938. '''The much-publicized disunity on the Government side was not a main cause of defeat.''' The Government militias were hurriedly raised, ill-armed and unimaginative in their military outlook, but they would have been the same if complete political agreement had existed from the start. '''At the outbreak of war the average Spanish factory-worker did not even know how to fire a rifle (there had never been universal conscription in Spain), and the traditional [[pacifism]] of the Left was a great handicap.''' The thousands of foreigners who served in Spain made good infantry, but there were very few experts of any kind among them. The Trotskyist thesis that the war could have been won if the revolution had not been sabotaged was probably false. To nationalize factories, demolish churches, and issue revolutionary manifestoes would not have made the armies more efficient. ** § 6 * The Fascists won because they were the stronger; they had modern arms and the others hadn't. No political strategy could offset that. <br> The most baffling thing in the Spanish war was the behaviour of the great powers. The war was actually won for [[Francisco Franco|Franco]] by the Germans and Italians, whose motives were obvious enough. The motives of France and Britain are less easy to understand. In 1936 it was clear to everyone that if Britain would only help the Spanish Government, even to the extent of a few million pounds' worth of arms, Franco would collapse and German strategy would be severely dislocated. '''By that time one did not need to be a clairvoyant to foresee that war between Britain and Germany was coming; one could even foretell within a year or two when it would come.''' Yet in the most mean, cowardly, hypocritical way the British ruling class did all they could to hand Spain over to Franco and the Nazis. Why? Because they were pro-Fascist, was the obvious answer. Undoubtedly they were, and yet when it came to the final showdown they chose to stand up to Germany. It is still very uncertain what plan they acted on in backing Franco, and they may have had no clear plan at all. '''Whether the British ruling class are wicked or merely stupid is one of the most difficult questions of our time, and at certain moments a very important question.''' ** § 6 *I believe that in the future we shall come to feel that Stalin's foreign policy, instead of being so diabolically clever as it is claimed to be, has been merely opportunistic and stupid. ** § 6 * When one thinks of all the people who support or have supported Fascism, one stands amazed at their diversity. What a crew! Think of a programme which at any rate for a while could bring Hitler, [[Philippe Pétain|Petain]], [[w:Montagu_Norman|Montagu Norman]], Pavelitch, [[William Randolph Hearst]], [[Julius Streicher|Streicher]], Buchman, [[Ezra Pound]], [[w:Juan_March|Juan March]], Cocteau, Thyssen, [[Charles Coughlin|Father Coughlin]], the [[Haj Amin al-Husseini|Mufti of Jerusalem]], [[Arnold Lunn]], [[Ion Antonescu|Antonescu]], [[Oswald Spengler|Spengler]], [[w:Beverley_Nichols|Beverley Nichols]], Lady Houston, and Marinetti all into the same boat! But the clue is really very simple. '''They are all people with something to lose, or people who long for a hierarchical society and dread the prospect of a world of free and equal human beings. Behind all the ballyhoo that is talked about ‘godless’ Russia and the ‘materialism’ of the working class lies the simple intention of those with money or privileges to cling to them.''' ** § 7 * The major problem of our time is the decay of the belief in personal immortality, and it cannot be dealt with while the average human being is either drudging like an ox or shivering in fear of the secret police. How right the working classes are in their ‘materialism’! How right they are to realize that the belly comes before the soul, not in the scale of values but in point of time! Understand that, and the long horror that we are enduring becomes at least intelligible. All the considerations are likely to make one falter — the siren voices of a Petain or of a Gandhi, the inescapable fact that in order to fight one has to degrade oneself, the equivocal moral position of Britain, with its democratic phrases and its coolie empire, the sinister development of Soviet Russia, the squalid farce of left-wing politics — all this fades away and one sees only '''the struggle of the gradually awakening common people against the lords of property and their hired liars and bumsuckers. The question is very simple. Shall people like that Italian soldier be allowed to live the decent, fully human life which is now technically achievable, or shan't they?''' Shall the common man be pushed back into the mud, or shall he not? I myself believe, perhaps on insufficient grounds, that the common man will win his fight sooner or later, but I want it to be sooner and not later — some time within the next hundred years, say, and not some time within the next ten thousand years. ** § 7 === Antisemitism in Britain (1945) === : <small>Published in ''Contemporary Jewish Record'' (April 1945). [https://orwell.ru/library/articles/antisemitism/english/e_antib Full essay online]</small> * [...] there is no real Jewish “problem” in England. The Jews are not numerous or powerful enough, and it is only in what are loosely called “intellectual circles” that they have any noticeable influence. *[...] above a certain intellectual level people are ashamed of being antisemitic and are careful to draw a distinction between “[[antisemitism]]” and “disliking Jews”. *[...] antisemitism is an irrational thing. The Jews are accused of specific offences (for instance, bad behaviour in food queues) which the person speaking feels strongly about, but it is obvious that these accusations merely rationalise some deep-rooted prejudice. *A minority of the refugees behaved in an exceedingly tactless way, and the feeling against them necessarily had an antisemitic undercurrent, since they were largely Jews. *I have already indicated that I believe antisemitism to be essentially a neurosis, but of course it has its rationalisations, which are sincerely believed in and are partly true. The rationalisation put forward by the common man is that the Jew is an exploiter. *[...] antisemitism is rationalised by saying that the Jew is a person who spreads disaffection and weakens national morale. *Yet one of the marks of antisemitism is an ability to believe stories that could not possibly be true. === [[w:Notes on Nationalism|Notes on Nationalism]] (1945) === [[File:Nazi_Strike_2.jpg|thumb|Nationalism is power-hunger tempered by self-deception.]] : <small>Published in ''Polemic'' (October 1945); [http://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/nationalism/english/e_nat Full essay online with original footnotes] - [http://gutenberg.net.au/ebooks03/0300011h.html#part30 alternate site]</small> [[File:Into_the_Jaws_of_Death_23-0455M_edit.jpg|thumb|Those who "abjure" violence can only do so because others are committing violence on their behalf.]] * '''By "nationalism" I mean first of all the habit of assuming that human beings can be classified like insects and that whole blocks of millions or tens of millions of people can be confidently labelled "good" or "bad."''' But secondly — and this is much more important — I mean the habit of identifying oneself with a single nation or other unit, placing it beyond good and evil and recognizing no other duty than that of advancing its interests. '''Nationalism is not to be confused with patriotism.''' Both words are normally used in so vague a way that any definition is liable to be challenged, but one must draw a distinction between them, since two different and even opposing ideas are involved. By "patriotism" I mean devotion to a particular place and a particular way of life, which one believes to be the best in the world but has no wish to force on other people. '''Patriotism is of its nature defensive, both militarily and culturally. Nationalism, on the other hand, is inseparable from the desire for power.''' The abiding purpose of every nationalist is to secure more power and more prestige, not for himself but for the nation or other unit in which he has chosen to sink his own individuality. * '''Nationalism is power-hunger tempered by self-deception.''' * '''The nationalist not only does not disapprove of atrocities committed by his own side, but he has a remarkable capacity for not even hearing about them.''' *[T]ransferred nationalism has been a common phenomenon among literary intellectuals. With [[Lafcadio Hearn|Lafcadio Hearne]] the transference was to Japan, with [[Thomas Carlyle|Carlyle]] and many others of his time to Germany, and in our own age it is usually to Russia. But the peculiarly interesting fact is that re-transference is also possible. A country or other unit which has been worshipped for years may suddenly become detestable, and some other object of affection may take its place with almost no interval. In the first version of [[H. G. Wells]]'s Outline of History, and others of his writings about that time, one finds the [[United States]] praised almost as extravagantly as Russia is praised by [[Communism|Communists]] today: yet within a few years this uncritical admiration had turned into hostility. The bigoted Communist who changes in a space of weeks, or even days, into an equally bigoted Trotskyist is a common spectacle. In continental Europe Fascist movements were largely recruited from among Communists, and the opposite process may well happen within the next few years. What remains constant in the nationalist is his state of mind: the object of his feelings is changeable, and may be imaginary. *[F]or an intellectual, transference has an important function which I have already mentioned shortly in connection with Chesterton. It makes it possible for him to be much more nationalistic — more vulgar, more silly, more malignant, more dishonest — that he could ever be on behalf of his native country, or any unit of which he had real knowledge. When one sees the slavish or boastful rubbish that is written about Stalin, the Red Army, etc. by fairly intelligent and sensitive people, one realises that this is only possible because some kind of dislocation has taken place. '''In societies such as ours, it is unusual for anyone describable as an intellectual to feel a very deep attachment to his own country. Public opinion — that is, the section of public opinion of which he as an intellectual is aware — will not allow him to do so'''. Most of the people surrounding him are sceptical and disaffected, and he may adopt the same attitude from imitativeness or sheer cowardice: in that case he will have abandoned the form of nationalism that lies nearest to hand without getting any closer to a genuinely internationalist outlook. He still feels the need for a Fatherland, and it is natural to look for one somewhere abroad. Having found it, he can wallow unrestrainedly in exactly those emotions from which he believes that he has emancipated himself. God, the King, the Empire, the Union Jack — all the overthrown idols can reappear under different names, and because they are not recognised for what they are they can be worshipped with a good conscience. Transferred nationalism, like the use of scapegoats, is a way of attaining salvation without altering one's conduct. * '''Actions are held to be good or bad, not on their own merits, but according to who does them, and there is almost no kind of outrage — [[torture]], the use of hostages, forced labour, mass deportations, imprisonment without trial, forgery, [[assassination]], the [[Bombs|bombing]] of civilians — which does not change its moral colour when it is committed by ‘our’ side.''' * '''The majority of [[pacifists]] either belong to obscure religious sects or are simply humanitarians who object to taking life and prefer not to follow their [[thoughts]] beyond that point.''' But there is a minority of intellectual pacifists, whose real though unacknowledged motive appears to be hatred of [[Liberal democracy|western democracy]] and admiration for totalitarianism. Pacifist propaganda usually boils down to saying that one side is as bad as the other, but '''if one looks closely at the writing of the younger intellectual pacifists, one finds that they do not by any means express impartial disapproval but are directed almost entirely against Britain and the United States. Moreover they do not as a rule condemn violence as such, but only violence used in defence of western countries.''' The Russians, unlike the British, are not blamed for defending themselves by warlike means, and indeed all pacifist propaganda of this type avoids mention of Russia or China. It is not claimed, again, that the Indians should abjure violence in their struggle against the British. Pacifist literature abounds with equivocal remarks which, if they mean anything, appear to mean that statesmen of the type of Hitler are preferable to those of the type of Churchill, and that violence is perhaps excusable if it is violent enough. After the fall of France, the French pacifists, faced by a real choice which their English colleagues have not had to make, mostly went over to the Nazis, and in England there appears to have been some small overlap of membership between the Peace Pledge Union and the Blackshirts. Pacifist writers have written in praise of Carlyle, one of the intellectual fathers of Fascism. '''All in all it is difficult not to feel that pacifism, as it appears among a section of the intelligentsia, is secretly inspired by an admiration for power and successful cruelty.''' * The old-style contemptuous attitude towards 'natives' has been much weakened in England, and various pseudo-scientific theories emphasising the superiority of the white race have been abandoned. Among the intelligentsia, colour feeling only occurs in the transposed form, that is, as a belief in the innate superiority of the coloured races. This is now increasingly common among English intellectuals, probably resulting more often from masochism and sexual frustration than from contact with the Oriental and Negro nationalist movements. Even among those who do not feel strongly on the colour question, snobbery and imitation have a powerful influence. Almost any English intellectual would be scandalised by the claim that the white races are superior to the coloured, whereas the opposite claim would seem to him unexceptionable even if he disagreed with it. '''Nationalistic attachment to the coloured races is usually mixed up with the belief that their sex lives are superior, and there is a large underground mythology about the sexual prowess of Negroes.''' * Many people were undisguisedly pleased when Singapore fell or when the British were driven out of Greece, and there was a remarkable unwillingness to believe in good news, e.g. el Alamein, or the number of German planes shot down in the Battle of Britain. English left-wing intellectuals did not, of course, actually want the Germans or Japanese to win the war, but many of them could not help getting a certain kick out of seeing their own country humiliated, and wanted to feel that the final victory would be due to Russia, or perhaps America, and not to Britain. * '''If one harbours anywhere in one's mind a nationalistic loyalty or hatred, certain facts, although in a sense known to be true, are inadmissible.''' Here are just a few examples. I list below five types of nationalist, and against each I append a fact which it is impossible for that type of nationalist to accept, even in his secret thoughts: :: BRITISH TORY. Britain will come out of this war with reduced power and prestige. :: COMMUNIST. If she had not been aided by Britain and America, Russia would have been defeated by Germany. :: IRISH NATIONALIST. Eire can only remain independent because of British protection. :: TROTSKYIST. The Stalin regime is accepted by the Russian masses. :: PACIFIST. '''Those who "abjure" [[violence]] can only do so because others are committing violence on their behalf.''' : '''All of these [[facts]] are grossly obvious if one's [[emotions]] do not happen to be involved: but to the kind of person named in each case they are also ''intolerable'', and so they have to be denied, and false theories constructed upon their denial.''' I come back to the astonishing failure of military prediction in the present war. It is, I think, true to say that the intelligentsia have been more wrong about the progress of the war than the common people, and that they were more swayed by partisan feelings. The average intellectual of the Left believed, for instance, that the war was lost in 1940, that the Germans were bound to overrun [[Egypt]] in 1942, that the [[Japan during World War II|Japanese]] would never be driven out of the lands they had conquered, and that the Anglo-American bombing offensive was making no impression on Germany. '''He could believe these things because his hatred for the British ruling class forbade him to admit that British plans could succeed. There is no limit to the follies that can be swallowed if one is under the influence of feelings of this kind.''' I have heard it confidently stated, for instance, that the American troops had been brought to Europe not to fight the Germans but to crush an English revolution. '''One has to belong to the intelligentsia to believe things like that: no ordinary man could be such a fool.''' * '''There is no crime, absolutely none, that cannot be condoned when 'our' side commits it.''' === [[w:The Prevention of Literature|The Prevention of Literature]] (1946) === : <small>Published in ''Polemic'' (January 1946); [http://www.k-1.com/Orwell/site/work/essays/literature.html Full text online] - [http://www.george-orwell.org/The_Prevention_of_Literature/0.html alternate site]</small> * The enemies of intellectual [[liberty]] always try to present their case as a plea for [[discipline]] versus [[individualism]]. '''The issue [[truth]]-versus-untruth is as far as possible kept in the background.''' Although the point of emphasis may vary, the writer who refuses to sell his opinions is always branded as a mere egoist. He is accused, that is, either of wanting to shut himself up in an ivory tower, or of making an exhibitionist display of his own personality, or of resisting the inevitable current of history in an attempt to cling to unjustified privileges. * '''A [[Totalitarianism|totalitarian]] state is in effect a [[theocracy]], and its ruling caste, in order to keep its position, has to be thought of as infallible.''' But since, in practice, no one is infallible, it is frequently necessary to rearrange past events in order to show that this or that mistake was not made, or that this or that imaginary triumph actually happened. Then, again, every major change in policy demands a corresponding change of doctrine and a revaluation of prominent historical figures. * One need not swallow such absurdities as this, but one ought to recognise that the present political chaos is connected with the decay of language, and that one can probably bring about some improvement by starting at the verbal end. If you simplify your English, you are freed from the worst follies of orthodoxy. * Totalitarianism, however, does not so much promise an age of faith as an age of schizophrenia. '''A society becomes totalitarian when its structure becomes flagrantly artificial: that is, when its ruling class has lost its function but succeeds in clinging to power by force or fraud.''' Such a society, no matter how long it persists, can never afford to become either tolerant or intellectually stable. '''It can never permit either the truthful recording of facts or the emotional sincerity that literary creation demands.''' But to be corrupted by totalitarianism one does not have to live in a totalitarian country. The mere prevalence of certain ideas can spread a kind of poison that makes one subject after another impossible for literary purposes. '''Wherever there is an enforced orthodoxy — or even two orthodoxies, as often happens — good writing stops.''' This was well illustrated by the Spanish civil war. To many English intellectuals the war was a deeply moving experience, but not an experience about which they could write sincerely. '''There were only two things that you were allowed to say, and both of them were palpable lies: as a result, the war produced acres of print but almost nothing worth reading.''' === [[w:Politics and the English Language|Politics and the English Language]] (1946) === [[File:Hypocrisie.jpg|thumb|If [[thought]] corrupts [[language]], language can also corrupt thought.]] : <small>Published in ''Horizon'' (April 1946); [http://orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit Full text online] - [http://www.k-1.com/Orwell/site/work/essays/language.html alternate site (no footnotes)]</small> * Modern English, especially written English, is full of bad habits which spread by imitation and which can be avoided if one is willing to take the necessary trouble. * A man may take to drink because he feels himself to be a failure, and then fail all the more completely because he drinks. It is rather the same thing that is happening to the English language. It becomes ugly and inaccurate because our thoughts are foolish, but the slovenliness of our language makes it easier for us to have foolish thoughts. * '''The word ''[[Fascism]]'' has now no meaning except in so far as it signifies "something not desirable". The words ''[[democracy]]'', ''[[socialism]]'', ''[[freedom]]'', ''[[patriotic]]'', ''[[realistic]]'', ''[[justice]]'' have each of them several different [[meanings]] which cannot be reconciled with one another.''' In the case of a [[word]] like ''democracy'', not only is there no agreed definition, but the attempt to make one is resisted from all sides. It is almost universally felt that when we call a country democratic we are praising it: consequently the defenders of every kind of regime claim that it is a democracy, and fear that they might have to stop using that word if it were tied down to any one meaning. '''Words of this kind are often used in a consciously dishonest way. That is, the person who uses them has his own private definition, but allows his hearer to think he means something quite different.''' Statements like ''[[w:Philippe Pétain|Marshal Petain]] was a true patriot'', ''The Soviet press is the freest in the world'', ''The Catholic Church is opposed to persecution'', are almost always made with intent to deceive. Other words used in variable meanings, in most cases more or less dishonestly, are: ''class'', ''[[totalitarian]]'', ''[[science]]'', ''progressive'', ''reactionary'', ''bourgeois'', ''[[equality]]''. * When one watches some tired hack on the platform mechanically repeating the familiar phrases -- ''bestial, atrocities, iron heel, bloodstained tyranny, free peoples of the world, stand shoulder to shoulder'' -- one often has a curious feeling that one is not watching a live human being but some kind of dummy: a feeling which suddenly becomes stronger at moments when the light catches the speaker's spectacles and turns them into blank discs which seem to have no eyes behind them. And this is not altogether fanciful. A speaker who uses that kind of phraseology has gone some distance toward turning himself into a machine. The appropriate noises are coming out of his larynx, but his brain is not involved, as it would be if he were choosing his words for himself. If the speech he is making is one that he is accustomed to make over and over again, he may be almost unconscious of what he is saying, as one is when one utters the responses in church. And this reduced state of consciousness, if not indispensable, is at any rate favourable to political conformity. * The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink. In our age there is no such thing as ‘keeping out of politics.’ '''All issues are political issues, and [[politics]] itself is a mass of [[lies]], evasions, [[folly]], [[hatred]], and schizophrenia.''' When the general atmosphere is bad, language must suffer. I should expect to find — this is a guess which I have not sufficient knowledge to verify — that the German, Russian and Italian languages have all deteriorated in the last ten or fifteen years, as a result of dictatorship. <br> '''But if [[thought]] corrupts [[language]], language can also corrupt thought. A bad usage can spread by tradition and imitation even among people who should and do know better.''' * '''Orthodoxy, of whatever colour, seems to demand a lifeless, imitative style.''' * '''Political language — and with variations this is true of all political parties, from [[Conservatives]] to [[Anarchists]] — is designed to make lies sound truthful and [[murder]] respectable, and to give an [[appearance]] of solidity to pure [[wind]].''' * '''Never use a [[metaphor]], simile, or other figure of [[speech]] which you are used to seeing in print. Never use a long word where a short one will do.''' If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out. Never use the passive voice where you can use the active. Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent. '''Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.''' * One can cure oneself of the ''not un-'' formation by memorizing this sentence: ''A not unblack dog was chasing a not unsmall rabbit across a not ungreen field''. ** footnote 3 === [[w:Reflections on Gandhi|Reflections on Gandhi]] (1949) === [[File:Gandhi_smiling_1942.jpg|thumb|It is difficult to see how [[Mahatma Gandhi|Gandhi]]'s methods could be applied in a country where opponents of the regime disappear in the middle of the [[night]] and are never heard of again. Without a [[free press]] and the right of assembly, it is impossible not merely to appeal to outside [[opinion]], but to bring a mass movement into being, or even to make your intentions known to your adversary.]] : <small>"Reflections on [[Mahatma Gandhi|Gandhi]]", in ''Partisan Review'' (January 1949) - [http://www.k-1.com/Orwell/site/work/essays/ghandi.html Full text online]</small> * '''[[Saints]] should always be judged [[guilty]] until they are proved [[innocent]], but the [[tests]] that have to be applied to them are not, of course, the same in all cases.''' In [[Mahatma Gandhi|Gandhi's]] case the questions one feels inclined to ask are: to what extent was Gandhi moved by [[vanity]] — by the consciousness of himself as a humble, naked old man, sitting on a praying mat and shaking empires by sheer [[spiritual]] [[power]] — and to what extent did he compromise his own [[principles]] by entering [[politics]], which of their [[nature]] are inseparable from coercion and fraud? To give a definite answer one would have to study Gandhi's [[Action|acts]] and [[writings]] in immense detail, for his whole life was a sort of pilgrimage in which every act was significant. * At about the time when the autobiography first appeared I remember reading its opening chapters in the ill-printed pages of some Indian newspaper. They made a good impression on me, which Gandhi himself at that time did not. * '''Strictly speaking, as a Nationalist, he was an enemy, but since in every crisis he would exert himself to prevent [[violence]] — which, from the British point of view, meant preventing any effective action whatever — he could be regarded as "our man." In private this was sometimes cynically admitted.''' The attitude of the Indian millionaires was similar. Gandhi called upon them to repent, and naturally they preferred him to the [[Socialists]] and [[Communists]] who, given the [[chance]], would actually have taken their [[money]] away. How reliable such calculations are in the long run is doubtful; as Gandhi himself says, "in the [[end]] deceivers deceive only themselves"; but at any rate the gentleness with which he was nearly always handled was due partly to the feeling that he was useful. * '''I could see even then that the British officials who spoke of him with a mixture of [[amusement]] and disapproval also genuinely liked and admired him, after a fashion. Nobody ever suggested that he was [[corrupt]], or ambitious in any vulgar way, or that anything he did was actuated by [[fear]] or [[malice]].''' In judging a man like Gandhi one seems instinctively to apply high standards, so that some of his [[virtues]] have passed almost unnoticed. For instance, it is clear even from the autobiography that his natural physical [[courage]] was quite outstanding: the manner of his [[death]] was a later illustration of this, for a public man who attached any value to his own skin would have been more adequately guarded. Again, he seems to have been quite free from that maniacal [[suspiciousness]] which, as [[E. M. Forster]] rightly says in ''A Passage to India'', is the besetting Indian vice, as [[hypocrisy]] is the British vice. '''Although no [[doubt]] he was shrewd enough in detecting dishonesty, he seems wherever possible to have believed that other people were acting in good [[faith]] and had a better [[nature]] through which they could be approached.''' * Of late years it has been the fashion to talk about Gandhi as though he were not only sympathetic to the Western Left-wing movement, but were integrally part of it. [[Anarchists]] and [[pacifists]], in particular, have claimed him for their own, noticing only that he was opposed to centralism and State violence and ignoring the other-worldly, anti-humanist tendency of his doctrines. * The essence of being [[human]] is that one does not seek [[perfection]], that one is sometimes willing to commit [[sins]] for the sake of [[loyalty]], that one does not push [[asceticism]] to the point where it makes friendly intercourse impossible, and that one is prepared in the end to be defeated and broken up by [[life]], which is the inevitable price of fastening one's [[love]] upon other human individuals. * '''It is difficult to see how Gandhi's methods could be applied in a country where opponents of the regime disappear in the middle of the [[night]] and are never heard of again. Without a [[free press]] and the right of assembly, it is impossible not merely to appeal to outside opinion, but to bring a mass movement into being, or even to make your intentions known to your adversary.''' * '''One feels of him that there was much he did not [[understand]], but not that there was anything that he was frightened of saying or thinking.''' I have never been able to feel much liking for Gandhi, but I do not feel sure that as a political thinker he was [[wrong]] in the main, nor do I believe that his life was a [[failure]]. ... One may feel, as I do, a sort of aesthetic distaste for Gandhi, one may reject the claims of sainthood made on his behalf (he never made any such claim himself, by the way), one may also reject sainthood as an ideal and therefore feel that Gandhi's basic aims were anti-human and reactionary: but '''regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind!''' {{Disputed begin}} == Disputed == * '''Within any important issue, there are always aspects no one wishes to discuss.''' ** Attributed to Orwell in ''State of Fear'' (2004) by [[Michael Crichton]], and ''Picking Fights with Thunderstorms'' (2005) by Sheila Suess Kennedy * '''In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.''' ** No source for this quote among Orwell's writings has yet been located, and the earliest published source of this phrase found on Google Books is [https://books.google.com.mx/books?id=kWD0AAAAMAAJ&q=%22truth+is+a+revolutionary+act%22&dq=%22truth+is+a+revolutionary+act%22&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjs0MKSqpbKAhWH0iYKHXj6ABUQ6AEIJjAD this snippet] from p. 5 of ''Science Dimension, Volumes 14–18'' (1982) published by the National Research Council Canada. Quote Investigator has an article [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/02/24/truth-revolutionary/ "In a Time of Universal Deceit&nbsp;– Telling the Truth Is a Revolutionary Act"] indicating their attempts to trace the quote. The earliest similar remarks they had found were in a 1982 book titled “Partners in Ecocide: Australia’s Complicity in the Uranium Cartel” by Venturino Giorgio Venturini, where the word “universal” was omitted, and a specific originating text was not identified: "'''In a time of deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.'''" ** Variants: *** During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act. *** In an age of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act. *** In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act. *** Speaking the Truth in times of universal deceit is a revolutionary act. ***Truth is treason in an empire of lies. (Often attributed by Ron Paul to Orwell but never sourced.) **In the mid-19th century [[Karl Georg von Raumer]] made a remark, which has a similar meaning. In ''Geschichte der Pedagogic'' (1855), he states: 'Jede keimende Wahrheit ist revolutionär gegen den entgegenstehenden herrschenden Irrthum, jede keimende Tugend revolutionär gegen das im Schwange gehende, ihr widersprechende Laster' which translates as: "'''Every germinating truth is revolutionary against the opposing ruling error, every germinating virtue is revolutionary against popular contradictory lies.'''" **In 1898 French socialist Jean Jaurès said, "'''When a society, when an institution, lives only by lies, truth is revolutionary'''." He was speaking with reference to the ongoing Dreyfus Affair. The statement is quoted in Ruth Harris, ''The Man on Devil's Island: Alfred Dreyfus and the Affair that Divided France'' (2010), p. 262. (She cites ''Le petit Meridional'', 3 July 1898, as the original source.) This seems very close in spirit and in phrasing to the pseudo-Orwell quotation. (The cumulative index to the many volumes of Orwell's writing compiled and edited by Peter Davison does not reveal any direct references to Jaurès or the Dreyfus Affair.) * '''If people cannot write well, they cannot think well, and if they cannot think well, others will do their thinking for them.''' ** Attributed to Orwell by John H. Bunzel, president of San Jose State University, as reported in Phyllis Schlafly, ''The Power of the Positive Woman'' (1977), p. 151<!-- Bunzel's attribution is also quoted in ''The Presbyterian Journal'', Volume 35 (1976), p. 55, but GoogleBooks only has a snippet -->; but not found in Orwell's works or in reports contemporaneous with his life. Possibly a paraphrase of Orwell's description of the rationale behind Newspeak in ''1984''. {{Disputed end}} {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * '''We sleep peaceably in our beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on our behalf.''' ** This has commonly been attributed to Orwell but has not been found in any of his writings. [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2011/11/07/rough-men/ Quote Investigator] found the earliest known appearance in a 1993 Washington Times essay by Richard Grenier: "As George Orwell pointed out, people sleep peacefully in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." The absence of quotation marks indicates Grenier was using his own words to convey Orwell's opinion; thus it may have originated as a paraphrase of his statement in ''Notes on Nationalism'' (May 1945): "'''Those who 'abjure' violence can only do so because others are committing violence on their behalf.'''" There are also similar sentiments expressed in an essay which Orwell wrote on [[Rudyard Kipling]], quoting from one of Kipling's poems: "Yes, making mock o' uniforms that guard you while you sleep." In the same essay Orwell also wrote of Kipling: "He sees clearly that men can only be highly civilized while other men, inevitably less civilized, are there to guard and feed them." * '''It's not a matter of whether the war is not real, or if it is, Victory is not possible. The war is not meant to be won, it is meant to be continuous. Hierarchical society is only possible on the basis of poverty and ignorance. This new version is the past and no different past can ever have existed. In principle the war effort is always planned to keep society on the brink of starvation. The war is waged by the ruling group against its own subjects and its object is not the victory over either Eurasia or East Asia but to keep the very structure of society intact.''' ** [[Michael Moore]] declares these lines in his film [[Fahrenheit 9/11]], preceding them with the words "George Orwell once wrote that". They are nearly identical to a block of voiceover in the [[Nineteen_Eighty-Four_(film)#Winston_Smith|1984 Richard Burton/John Hurt movie version of ''1984'']] when Winston (Hurt) is silently reading Goldstein's book. All of the lines are excerpts from various parts of Goldstein's book in part 2, chapter 9 of the novel with some paraphrasing. Note that the fourth sentence begins with "This new version". In Moore's speech there is no antecedent for this phrase; consequently, the sentence makes no sense in that context. [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1SVrM2Ef81C7EUSTm4zsgjQk9mgMSeFUnlEvtleR2V1w/edit?usp=sharing] [http://metabunk.org/threads/debunked-war-is-not-meant-to-be-won-it-is-meant-to-be-continuous.1259/] * '''To enforce the lies of the present, it is necessary to erase the truths of the past.''' ** Attributed to Orwell by [[Keith Olbermann]] on MSNBC (27 September 2006), this seems to be a paraphrase of [[Nineteen_Eighty-Four#Chapter_3|some of the statements]] in ''[[Nineteen Eighty-Four]]''. * '''We have a hunger for something like authenticity, but are easily satisfied by an ersatz facsimile.''' ** Actually a statement by Miles Orvell, in ''The Real Thing: Imitation and Authenticity in American Culture, 1880–1940'' (1989) * '''There are some ideas so absurd that only an intellectual could believe them.''' ** Possibly a paraphrase of Bertrand Russell in [[Bertrand_Russell#My_Philosophical_Development_.281959.29|''My Philosophical Development'' (1959)]]: "This is one of those views which are so absurd that only very learned men could possibly adopt them." It is similar in meaning to Orwell's line from ''Notes on Nationalism'' (1945): "One has to belong to the intelligentsia to believe things like that: no ordinary man could be such a fool." However, Russell was commenting not on politics, as Orwell was, but on some philosophers and their ideas about language. * '''The further a society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those who speak it.''' ** This has been attributed to Orwell on the internet, but the earliest source citing him as author appears to be a [http://www.realistnews.net/Thread-realist-news-was-the-capital-gains-tax-just-removed-regarding-bullion post from Jsnip4 on the RealistNews.net forum (15 February 2011)]. Prior to this, the statement occurred, without attribution to Orwell, in an [http://www.renewamerica.com/columns/duke/090506 opinion piece by columnist Selwyn Duke], [https://web.archive.org/web/20150701002957/http://www.conservativecrusader.com/articles/stopping-truth-at-the-border-banning-michael-savage-from-britain "Stopping Truth At The Border: Banning Michael Savage From Britain" (6 May 2009)]. {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Orwell == [[File:George Orwell.jpg|thumb|He had a global grasp, and he was able to guess the truth by the way the other side told lies. ~ [[Clive James]] ]] [[File:Barnhill (Cnoc an t-Sabhail) - geograph.org.uk - 451643.jpg|thumb|His personal [[life]] — what we glimpse of it — even when he was fairly affluent seems to have been an illustrated lesson in [[survival]] techniques under extreme conditions, as though he expected to be cast adrift in a capsule. ~ [[Mary McCarthy]] ]] :<small>Alphabetized by author </small> [[File:Bandera CNT-FAI.svg|thumb|George Orwell was the wintry [[conscience]] of a generation which in the thirties had heard the call of the rasher assumptions of political [[faith]]. ~ [[V. S. Pritchett]] ]] [[File:Anti-dictatures2.svg|thumb|Orwell in 1948 understood that despite the Axis defeat, the will to [[fascism]] had not gone away, that far from having seen its day it had perhaps not yet even come into its own… ~ [[Thomas Pynchon]] ]] [[File:Coalition of the Willing, To Power.svg|thumb|What he feared most was the blind spot between us and the [[future]], the space between identities where we could get lost forever. ~ [[Wilfrid Sheed]] ]] [[File:Statue of George Orwell at BBC Broadcasting House.jpg|thumb| Orwell can only be understood as an essentially quixotic man. … He defended, passionately and as a matter of [[principle]], unpopular causes. … His was the isolation of every man who seeks the [[truth]] diligently, no matter how unpleasant its implications may be to others or even to himself. ~ [[George Woodcock]] ]] * '''Viva [[Buenaventura Durruti |Durruti]] y Orwell''' ** Anonymous graffiti on a monument to the [[w:Abraham Lincoln Brigade|Abraham Lincoln Brigade]], as reported in [http://www.indybay.org/newsitems/2008/07/29/18520914.php "A Monument for the Abraham Lincoln Brigade Vandalized" in ''Indy Bay'' (29 July 2008)] * I often feel I will never pick up a book by Orwell again until I have read a frank discussion of the dishonesty and hysteria that mar some of his best work. ** [[Kingsley Amis]], ''What Became of Jane Austen?, and Other Questions''. 1970. *[[Writing]] is also a profession, and, at its best, an honourable one. It has been made honourable by those who have already been members of it. Whether you like it or not, every time you set pen to paper you’re staring at the same blank space that confronted [[Milton]], [[Melville]], [[Emily Bronte]], [[Dostoevsky]] and [[George Eliot]], [[George Orwell]] and [[William Faulkner]] and [[Virginia Woolf]] and [[William Carlos Williams]], not to mention the latest hero, [[Gabriel Garcia Marquez]]. **[[Margaret Atwood]], "An End to Audience?" (1980), collected in ''Second Words: selected critical prose'' *As for [[Novel|novels]] that I've enjoyed, I mean, the only [[w:Political_novel|political novel]] that comes immediately to mind is the obvious one, ''1984'', which I read on my own before it was required reading at [[Education|school]]. And, of course, the other, ''Animal Farm''. **2000 interview in ''Conversations with [[Octavia Butler]]'' * '''He could not blow his nose without moralising on conditions in the handkerchief industry.''' This habit of mind informed everything he wrote. ''[[Animal Farm]]'' and ''[[Nineteen Eighty-Four|1984]]'' are political novels, ''Homage to Catalonia'', ''[[The Road to Wigan Pier]]'' and all his essays ask a ''cui bono'' and try to unseat the profit-makers, whoever they be. '''This ruling purpose is the secret of his best writing but far too evident in his worst.''' If we look dispassionately at his achievement, we notice the enormous preponderance of journalism in these four volumes. ** [[Cyril Connolly]], ''The Evening Colonnade'' (1973), in John Rodden, ''Every Intellectual's Big Brother: George Orwell's Literary Siblings'' (2006) * What struck me in Orwell was his lack of historical sense and of psychological insight into political life, coupled with an acute, though narrow, penetration into some aspects of politics, and with an incorruptible firmness of opinion. ** [[Isaac Deutscher]], in "''1984'' —The Mysticism of Cruelty" in ''Heretics and Renegades'' (1955) * '''Toward the end of his life he did ... become a kind of [[w:Tory|Tory]] [[Anarchism|anarchist]] — as he once described himself ... or even [[Paternalistic conservatism|Tory socialist]], someone, that is, who, though without exercising double-think, managed to fuse [[Conservatism|conservative]] ideas (about [[patriotism]], for example) with radical ones (about the equitable distribution of wealth, for example).''' ** Peter Edgerly Firchow, in ''Modern Utopian Fictions from H.G. Wells to Iris Murdoch'' (2007), p. 106 * A second escape from [[determinism]] involved the discrediting of [[Dictatorship|dictatorships]]. Tyrants had been around for thousands of years; but [[George Orwell|George Orwell']]<nowiki/>s great fear, while writing ''[[Nineteen Eighty-Four|1984]]'' on his lonely island in 1948, was that the progress made in restraining them in the 18th and [[19th century|19th centuries]] had been reversed. Despite the defeats of [[Nazi Germany]] and [[Japan during World War II|Imperial Japan]], it would have been hard to explain the first half of the [[20th century]] without concluding that the currents of [[history]] had come to favor [[Authoritarianism|authoritarian]] [[politics]] and [[Collectivism|collectivist]] [[economics]]. Like [[Ireland|Irish]] [[Monasticism|monks]] at the edge of their [[Middle Ages|medieval world]], Orwell at the edge of his was seeking to preserve what little was left of [[civilization]] by showing what a victory of the [[Barbarian|barbarians]] would mean. [[Big Brother|Big Brothers]] controlled the [[Soviet Union]], [[China]], and half of [[Europe]] by the time 1984 came out. It would have been Utopian to expect that they would stop there. But they did: the historical currents during the second half of the 20th century turned decisively against [[communism]]. Orwell himself had something to do with this: his anguished writings, together with the later and increasingly self-confident ones of [[Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn|Solzhenitsyn]], [[Andrei Sakharov|Sakharov]], [[Václav Havel|Havel]], and the future pope [[Pope John Paul II|Karol Wojtyla]], advanced a moral and spiritual critique of [[Marxism–Leninism|Marxism-Leninism]] for which it had no answer. It took time for these sails to catch wind and for these rudders to take hold, but by the late [[1970s]] they had begun to do so. John Paul II and the other actor-leaders of the [[1980s]] then set the course. The most inspirational alternatives the Soviet Union could muster were [[Leonid Brezhnev]], [[Yuri Andropov]], and [[Konstantin Chernenko]], a clear sign that dictatorships were not what they once had been. ** [[John Lewis Gaddis]], The Cold War: A New History (2005), pp. 263-264 * '''The [[w:Spanish Civil War|Spanish Civil War]] shaped the political consciousness of a whole generation, which overwhelmingly saw it as representing heroic [[Anti-fascism|resistance to Fascism]]. '''[[Emma Goldman|Goldman]] and [[J. C. Powys]] did not belong to that generation – they belonged to the generation of its parents or, even, grandparents. '''And rather than resistance to Fascism, it was the social achievements of the Spanish Revolution that inspired them. In that they stand alone, among figures of the front rank, with [[Herbert Read|Read]] and Orwell (and it will be seen how he and ''[[Homage to Catalonia]]'' fared, on the left at least, his reputation only taking off when ''[[Animal Farm]]'' and ''[[Nineteen Eighty-Four]]'' were taken up as being anti-Soviet at the onset of the Cold War).''' ** [[w:David Goodway|David Goodway]], in ''Anarchist Seeds beneath the Snow'' (2006), p. 129 * For most of us the image of [[Tony Judt|Tony]] is dominated by the boundless admiration we feel for the way he confronted his death. There was a [[Roman Empire|Roman]] grandeur about his refusal to concede to the inevitable that recalls memories of classical eulogies. It was not just the decision to carry on the [[chess]] game to mate, but the decision to provoke [[death]] by demonstrating his full abilities as a grandmaster, doomed but never defeated. It is a moving image, but we must abandon it: encouraging mythopoeia is not for [[Historian|historians]]. Tony has been presented as another George Orwell. This is wrong, because while both were enormously gifted and profoundly polemical, they were very different. Tony lacked Orwell's combination of [[Prejudice|prejudices]], forward and backward-looking [[Old Testament]] [[prophecy]] and imaginative denunciation – he could never have written ''1984'' or ''Animal Farm''. And Orwell, the more powerful writer, had neither Tony's remarkable range of [[knowledge]], nor his wit, intellectual speed and manoeuvrability: there is no way he could have doubled as an academic. But the comparison with Orwell is also dangerous because essentially it is not about two writers but about a political era that should now be over for good, the Cold War. Orwell's reputation was constructed as an intellectual anti-Soviet missile site and even today, when the rest of Orwell has emerged or re-emerged, it still remains frozen in the 1950s. Tony was, of course, as anti-Stalinist as anyone, and bitterly critical of those who did not abjure the CP even when they were demonstrably not [[Stalinism|Stalinists]] and were, like myself, slowly edging clear of the original world hope of [[Russian Revolution|October 1917]]. Like those opposed to the performing of [[Richard Wagner|Wagner]] in [[Israel]], he could let political dislike get in the way of aesthetic enjoyment, dismissing [[Bertolt Brecht|Brecht']]<nowiki/>s poem about the [[w:Comintern|Comintern]] cadres, ‘An die Nachgeborenen''’'', ‘admired by so many’, as ‘obnoxious’ not on literary grounds, but because it inspired believers in an evil cause. Yet it is evident from ''Thinking the 20th Century'' that his basic concern during the acute phase of the [[Cold War]] was not the Russian threat to the ‘[[Free society|free world]]’ but the arguments within the left.​ [[Karl Marx|Marx]] – not [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]] and the [[w:Gulag|Gulag]] – was his subject. True, after [[1968]] he became much more of a militant oppositionist [[Liberalism|liberal]] over [[East/Central Europe|Eastern Europe]], an admirer of the mixed but more usually [[Conservatism|right-wing]] academic tourists who provided much of our commentary on the end of the [[w:Eastern_Bloc|East European Communist regimes]]. This also led him and others who should have known better into creating the fairy tale of the Velvet and multicoloured [[w:revolutions_of_1989|revolutions of 1989]] and after. There were no such [[Revolution|revolutions]], only different reactions to the Soviet decision to pull out. The real heroes of the period were [[Mikhail Gorbachev|Gorbachev]], who destroyed the USSR, and men within the old system like [[w:Adolfo_Suárez|Suárez]] in [[Francisco Franco|Franco’]]<nowiki/>s [[Spain]] and [[Wojciech Jaruzelski|Jaruzelski]] in [[Poland]], who effectively ensured a peaceful transition and were execrated by both sides. Indeed, in the 1980s Tony’s essentially [[Social democracy|social-democratic]] liberalism was briefly infected by [[François Furet|François Furet’]]<nowiki/>s [[Friedrich Hayek|Hayekian]] economic [[libertarianism]]. I don’t think this late Cold War afterglow was central to Tony’s development, but it helped to give more body and depth to his very impressive ''Postwar''. **[[Eric Hobsbawm]], "After the Cold War", ''London Review of Books'' (2012) * '''The word ‘Orwellian’ is a daunting example of the fate that a distinguished writer can suffer at the hands of journalists.''' When, as almost invariably happens, a totalitarian set-up, whether in fact or in fantasy – in [[Brazil]] or in ''[[Brazil (film)|Brazil]]'' – is called Orwellian, it is as if George Orwell had conceived the nightmare instead of analysed it, helped to create it instead of helping to dispel its euphemistic thrall. (Similarly [[Kafka]], through the word Kafkaesque, gets the dubious credit for having somehow wished into existence the same sort of [[Bureaucracy|bureaucratic]] labyrinth that convulsed him to the heart.) Such distortions would be enough to make us give up on [[journalism]] altogether if we happened to forget that Orwell himself was a journalist. **[[Clive James]], in [http://www.clivejames.com/evenaswespeak/orwell "The All of Orwell"] in ''The New Yorker'' (18 January 1999), reprinted in ''Even As We Speak'' (2001), p. 12 * Two of Orwell's best attributes operating at once: '''he had a global grasp, and he was able to guess the truth by the way the other side told lies.''' **[[Clive James]], in "The All of Orwell" in ''The New Yorker'' (18 January 1999), reprinted in ''Even As We Speak'' (2001), p. 12 * Orwell served in a low-level but locally senior administrative capacity for the [[Burma]] imperial police from 1924 to 1927. Reading him, one never feels that he developed much of an interest in the [[British Empire|Empire]] per se; his writings from those years suggest the emergence of a set of moral and political considerations—deriving to be sure from his criticisms of [[Imperialism|Imperial rule]]—which will in the fullness of time permeate his observations on [[England]] itself. Orwell's awareness that the Burmese (or Indian) question transcended issues of local injustice and concerned above all the impropriety and impossibility of imperial domination, would certainly color his political stance back home.<br>It seems fair to add that Orwell was one of the first commentators to grasp that issues of [[justice]] and [[w:Subordination|subordination]], no less than the traditional themes of [[Social class|class]] and [[politics]], must be taken up by the [[Left-wing politics|Left]]—indeed, they were henceforth part of what it meant to be Left. We forget that well into the interwar decades it had been perfectly possible to combine social reformism and even political radicalism at home with liberal imperialism. Until quite recently it had been possible to believe that the key to social improvement in [[United Kingdom|Britain]] lay in retaining, defending and even expanding the empire. By the 1930s, this position had begun to sound ethically as well as politically incoherent, and Orwell can take some credit for this shift in sensibilities. ** [[Tony Judt]], in Tony Judt and Timothy Snyder, ''Thinking the twentieth century'' (2012), Ch. 2: London and Language: English Writer *Orwell's original title was ''1948''. The publishers said he couldn't call it that, because that was this year. Orwell said that's the point. He was talking about what was really going on, now, 1948. This is what I mean when I say the future is a metaphor. **1993 interview in ''Conversations with [[Ursula Le Guin]]'' *one of the committed truth-tellers of our century **[[Judith Lewis Herman]], ''Trauma and Recovery'' (1992) * '''Blair's personal life and Orwell's public activity both reflected one powerfully single-minded personality. Blair-Orwell was made of one piece''': a recurrent theme in the testimonies of all those who knew him at close range was his "terrible simplicity." He had the "innocence of a savage." ... '''Orwell once defined himself half in jest — but only half — as a "Tory Anarchist." '''Indeed, after his first youthful experience in the colonial police in Burma, he only knew that he hated imperialism and all forms of political oppression; all authority appeared suspect to him, even "mere success seemed to me a form of bullying." Then after his inquiry into [[Working class|workers]]' conditions in northern industrial England during the [[Great Depression|Depression]] he developed a broad nonpartisan commitment to “socialism”: “socialism does mean justice and liberty when the nonsense is stripped off it.” The decisive turning point in his political evolution took place in Spain, where he volunteered to fight [[fascism]]. First he was nearly killed by a fascist bullet and then narrowly escaped being murdered by the [[Joseph Stalin|Stalinist]] secret police: :: What I saw in Spain, and what I have seen since of the inner workings of left-wing political parties, have given me a horror of politics…. '''I am definitely “left,” but I believe that a writer can only remain honest if he keeps free of party labels.''' : From then on he considered that the first duty of a socialist is to fight totalitarianism, which means in practice “to denounce the Soviet myth, for there is not much difference between Fascism and Stalinism.” :* [[w:Pierre Ryckmans|Simon Leys]], in [http://www.nybooks.com/articles/archives/2011/may/26/intimate-orwell/?pagination=false "The Intimate Orwell" in ''''The New York Review of Books'' (26 May 2011)] * Though he was a strong believer in individual difference and came to fear, above all, the thought that people would become interchangeable parts in a [[Totalitarianism|totalitarian]] system, he seems to have felt that as a subject for study himself he was a universal, ''i.e.,'' a fair sample of his kind, capable of normative reactions under dissection. His end has something macabre in it, like the end of some Victorian pathologist who tested his theories on his own organs, neglecting asepsis. In his last letters, he speaks of his appearance as being "frightening," of being a "death's head," but all along he has been something of a specter at the feast. '''He was prone to see the handwriting on the wall, for England, for socialism, for personal liberty; indeed, his work is one insistent ''reminder,'' and his personal life — what we glimpse of it — even when he was fairly affluent seems to have been an illustrated lesson in survival techniques under extreme conditions, as though he expected to be cast adrift in a capsule.''' ** [[Mary McCarthy]], "The Writing on the Wall," (1969) ''The Writing on the Wall and Other Literary Essays'' <small>(Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1970, {{ISBN|0-15-698390-7}}), p. 159</small> * Although he was always critical of the [[Clement Attlee|1945-51 Labour government']]<nowiki/>s moderation, his support for it began to pull him to the right politically. This did not lead him to embrace conservatism, imperialism or reaction, but to defend, albeit critically, Labour reformism. <br> '''The other crucial dimension to Orwell's socialism was his recognition that the Soviet Union was not socialist.''' Unlike many on the left, instead of abandoning socialism once he discovered the full horror of Stalinist rule in the Soviet Union, Orwell abandoned the Soviet Union and instead remained a socialist — indeed he became more committed to the socialist cause than ever. ** [[w:John Newsinger|John Newsinger]], in [http://pubs.socialistreviewindex.org.uk/isj62/newsinger.htm "Orwell and the Spanish Revolution" in ''International Socialism Journal'', No. 62 (Spring 1994)] * '''Old George Orwell got it backward. Big Brother isn't watching. He's singing and dancing.''' He's pulling [[rabbits]] out of a hat. Big Brother's holding your attention every moment you're awake. He's making sure you're always distracted. He's making sure you're fully absorbed... and this [act of] being fed, it's worse than being watched. With the world always filling you, no one has to worry about what's in your mind. '''With everyone's imagination atrophied, no one will ever be a threat to the world.''' ** [[Chuck Palahniuk]], ''[[Lullaby (novel)|Lullaby]]'' (2002) * '''There was something about him, the proud man apart, the [[Don Quixote]] on a [[bicycle]] (and if Saint [[Thomas More]] was the first Englisman, as one historian called him, then Orwell was perhaps the last) that caught one's [[imagination]] right away.''' That made one think of a knight errant and of [[social justice]] as the [[Holy Grail]]. '''One felt safe with him; he was so intellectually honest. His mind was like a court where the judge was the lawyer for the defence.''' ** Paul Potts, ''London Magazine'' (March 1957) * '''George Orwell was the wintry [[conscience]] of a generation which in the thirties had heard the call of the rasher assumptions of political faith.''' He was a kind of saint and, in that character, more likely in politics to chastise his own side than the enemy. ** [[V. S. Pritchett]], in ''New Statesman'' (1950) * '''Orwell in 1948 understood that despite the Axis defeat, the will to fascism had not gone away, that far from having seen its day it had perhaps not yet even come into its own — the corruption of spirit, the irresistible human [[addiction]] to power were already long in place, all well-known aspects of the [[Nazi Germany|Third Reich]] and [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]]'s USSR, even the British Labour party — like first drafts of a terrible future.''' ** [[Thomas Pynchon]], "The Road to 1984" - foreword to a 2003 edition of ''[[Nineteen Eighty-Four]]'' {{ISBN|0452284236}} * In Burma and [[Paris]] and [[London]] and on the road to Wigan pier, and in Spain, being shot at, and eventually wounded, by fascists — he had invested blood, pain and hard labour to earn his anger, and was as attached to it as any [[Capitalism|capitalist]] to his [[capital]]. It may be an affliction peculiar to [[Authors|writers]] more than others, this fear of getting too comfortable, of being bought off. ** [[Thomas Pynchon]], "The Road to 1984" - foreword to a 2003 edition of ''Nineteen Eighty-Four'' {{ISBN|0452284236}} * The question remains, why end a novel as passionate, violent and dark as this one with what appears to be a scholarly appendix? <br> The answer may lie in simple [[grammar]]. '''From its first sentence, "The Principles of Newspeak" is written consistently in the past tense, as if to suggest some later piece of [[history]], post-1984, in which Newspeak has become literally a thing of the past — as if in some way the anonymous author of this piece is by now free to discuss, critically and objectively, the [[Government|political system]] of which Newspeak was, in its time, the essence.''' Moreover, it is our own pre-Newspeak [[English language]] that is being used to write the essay. Newspeak was supposed to have become general by 2050, and yet it appears that it did not last that long, let alone triumph, that the ancient [[Humanism|humanistic]] ways of thinking inherent in standard English have persisted, survived, and ultimately prevailed, and that perhaps the social and moral order it speaks for has even, somehow, been restored. ** [[Thomas Pynchon]], "The Road to 1984" - foreword to a 2003 edition of ''Nineteen Eighty-Four'' {{ISBN|0452284236}} * Orwell's defenders always look to contextualize Orwell's shortcomings in a historic moment. Whatever his infraction, he was a victim of circumstance — times were different then, and, for example, [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] was looking really good for a minute there. Orwell never meant that his books should be employed to stultify schoolchildren. '''And yet that's what ''[[Animal Farm]]'' is — an educational missile aimed at any healthy impulse towards reform.''' The argument that "Animal Farm" is a generalized indictment of totalitarianism is simply unsupportable by the text or any existing presentation of the text. Rather, the intelligence of the pigs as opposed to the stupidity of the other animals, and the ultimate hopelessness of revolution, renders ''Animal Farm'' a ''de facto'' endorsement of the ''status quo''. ** [[John Reed (novelist)|John Reed]], in [http://www.mobylives.com/Orwell_Reed.html "Saint George and the Damn Truth" (10 November 2003)] *When Britain faced the prospect of annihilation from [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]]'s armies, George Orwell wrote a famous essay, ''[[w:The Lion and the Unicorn: Socialism and the English Genius|The Lion and the Unicorn]]'', urging his readers to unite in defence of their country. The ability of the British to defend themselves, he argued, had been undermined from within, by both right and left. The bewildered remnant of the old ruling class, and the intellectuals who recoiled from patriotic feeling and could not utter the word "England" without a sneer, were combining to betray their country to the Nazis.<br>The instinct of the British people in the face of the threat was to resist it, since that is what duty and love both require. As Orwell saw, however, the muddled selfishness of the upper class and the snobbish sarcasm of their intellectual betters worked against the common people; the first making capitulation more probable, the second making capitulation look like a political virtue. Orwell's essay was a passionate attempt to show that the ordinary people were right. They could be trusted precisely because they were motivated by neither the self-interest of the upper class nor the self-righteousness of the intellectuals on the left, but by the only thing that mattered: an undemonstrative love of their country. **[[Roger Scruton]], 'Brexit will give us back pride in our island roots', ''The Times'' (18 November 2017), p. 35 * '''What he feared most was the blind spot between us and the future, the space between identities where we could get lost forever.''' ** [[Wilfrid Sheed]], "George Orwell, Artist" (1972), ''The Good Word & Other Words'' <small>(Viking/Penguin, 1980, {{ISBN|0140054979}}), p. 46</small> * If we ask what it is he [Orwell] stands for, ... the answer is: the virtue of not being a [[genius]], of fronting the world with nothing more than one's simple, direct, undeceived [[intelligence]], and a respect for the powers one does have. ... He communicates to us the sense that what he has done any one of us could do. Or could do if we but made up our mind to do it, if we but surrendered a little of the can't that comforts us, if for a few weeks we paid no attention to the little group with which we habitually exchange opinions, if we took our chance of being wrong or inadequate, if we looked at things simply and directly, having in mind only our intention of finding out what they really are, not the prestige of our great intellectual act of looking at them. He liberates us. He tells us that we can understand our political and social life merely by looking around us; he frees us from the need for the inside dope. He implies that our job is not to be intellectual, certainly not to be intellectual in this fashion or that, but merely to be intelligent according to our own lights—'''he restores the old sense of the democracy of the mind, releasing us from the belief that the mind can work only in a technical, professional way and that it must work competitively'''. He has the effect of making us believe that we may become full members of the society of thinking men. That is why he is a figure for us. ** [[Lionel Trilling]], "George Orwell and the politics of truth," ''The Opposing Self'' (1950), pp. 156-158 *He was a novelist who never wrote a satisfactory novel, a literary critic who never bothered to learn his trade properly, a social historian whose history was full of gaps. Yet he matters. For ''as polemic'' his work is never anything less than magnificent; and the virtues which the polemic kind demands—urgency, incisiveness, clarity and humour—he possessed in exactly the right combination. **[[John Wain]], ''Essays on Literature and Ideas'' (1963), p. 181 *His political ideas were of the simplest. They were, in character, undisguisedly ethical; he believed in the necessity of being frank and honest, and he believed in freedom for everyone, with no authoritarian rule and no tyrannising, economic or otherwise. These were the twin pillars on which all his ideas rested. **[[John Wain]], ''Essays on Literature and Ideas'' (1963), p. 184 *Anyone who talked or wrote in vague, woolly language, for instance—language which tended to veil the issues it claimed to be discussing—he denounced as an enemy. The language of free men must, he held, be vivid, candid, ''truthful''. Those who took refuge in vagueness did so because they had something to hide. **[[John Wain]], ''Essays on Literature and Ideas'' (1963), p. 186 *This is the sort of thing we should remember when we make use of Orwell as an ally in the [[Cold War|cold war]]. Of he course he hated [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] totalitarianism; of course he wrote a poignant animal-fable to express the tragic plight of the Russian people, caught in its grasp; but that does not mean that every smooth-talking window-dresser of his works, [[Conservatism|Conservative]] in politics, [[Catholic Church|Roman Catholic]] in religion, can claim him as a supporter. Next time you read one of the books or essays put out by these gentlemen, remember Orwell's contemptuous remark about "all the smelly little orthodoxies which are now contending for our souls". In his nostrils, ''every'' orthodoxy smelt bad—and he gave his reasons clearly and openly. **[[John Wain]], ''Essays on Literature and Ideas'' (1963), p. 189 *He was not a revolutionary. He had no hatred of the past, and no confidence that a golden millennium could be created by abrupt political action... Worse still—and this is where Orwell parts company not only with the doctrinaire Left-wing systems of the Continent, but with the ''[[w:New Statesman|New Statesman]]''-reading progressives of N.W.3—he was anti-modern. He aligned himself with [[Socialism]], which naturally tends to see the past as an evil, to be broken away from—naturally, since human history is, undeniably, largely a tale of cruelty, exploitation and injustice. But where the average Socialist cannot wait to throw the past on the dung-heap, Orwell loved it, hankered for it, longingly re-created it in his mind. As an artist, his best passages—indeed, his only passages which gave the genuine, unforced glow of imagination—flower from pure nostalgia. As a political thinker, he is at his most useful, and most zestful, when he is warning us of the hell we could so easily make for ourselves.<br>Orwell's distrust of the steel-and-concrete, streamlined, collectivised future is well known to everyone... It is this distrust, more than anything else, that explains the hatred felt for him by "progressives" with their money on the future and their heads full of Revolution. **[[John Wain]], ''Essays on Literature and Ideas'' (1963), p. 195 * '''When I remember George Orwell, I see again the long, lined face that so often reminded me not of a living person, but of a character out of fiction. It was the nearest I had seen in real life to the imagined features of [[w:Don Quixote|Don Quixote]], and the rest of the figure went with the face.''' For Orwell was a thin, angular man, with worn gothic features accentuated by deep vertical furrows that ran down the cheeks and across the corners of the mouth. The thinness of his lips was emphasized by a very narrow line of dark moustache: it seemed a hard, almost cruel mouth, until he smiled, and then an expression of unexpected kindliness would irradiate his whole face. The general gauntness of his looks was accentuated by the deep sockets from which his eyes looked out, always rather sadly. ... '''The resemblance to Don Quixote was appropriate, for in many was Orwell can only be understood as an essentially quixotic man. ... He defended, passionately and as a matter of principle, unpopular causes.''' Often without regard to reason he would strike out against anything which offended his conceptions of right, justice and decency, yet, as many who crossed lances with him had reason to know, he could be a very chivalrous opponent, impelled by a sense of fair play that would lead to public recantation of accusations he had eventually decided were unfair. In his own way he was a man of the left, but he attacked its holy images as fervently as he did those of the right. And however much he might on occasion find himself in uneasy and temporary alliance with others, he was — in the end — as much a man in isolation as Don Quixote. '''His was the isolation of every man who seeks the truth diligently, no matter how unpleasant its implications may be to others or even to himself.''' ** [[George Woodcock]], in ''The Crystal Spirit: A Study of George Orwell'' (1966), Ch. I: The Man I Remembered, p. 3 == See also == * [[Alternative media]] * [[Investigative journalism]] * [[Mainstream media]] * ''[[Nineteen Eighty-Four]]'' * [[Propaganda]] * [[Oligarchy]] * [[Truth]] * [[Tyranny]] == External links == {{Sister project links|w=George Orwell|wikt=Appendix:George Orwell|d=Q3335|commons=Category:George Orwell|b=no|n=no|s=Author:George Orwell|v=no|species=no}} *[http://opendirectoryproject.org/Arts/Literature/Authors/O/Orwell%2C_George/ Directory] of links from ODP *[http://www.kirjasto.sci.fi/gorwell.htm Brief bio] at Pegasos (Kirjasto.sci.fi.) *[http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/Jorwell.htm Orwell] at Spartacus.schoolnet *[http://www.ottosell.de/pynchon/orwell.htm George Orwell Islington 1946] - photo, with his son. *[http://www.netcharles.com/orwell/novels.htm Novels of Orwell online] *[http://www.k-1.com/Orwell Orwell Site on k-1.com] *[http://www.online-literature.com/orwell/1984/ 1984: Online Edition] *[https://web.archive.org/web/20070626181543/http://t.webring.com/hub?ring=orwellwebring Orwell Web Ring] *[https://www.firstinspire.com/powerful-george-orwell-quotes/ George Orwell words of wisdom] *[http://neilgaimanboard.com/eve/ubb.x/a/tpc/f/963601826/m/1566052013 Foreword] by [[Thomas Pynchon]] to the 2003 edition of ''[[w:Nineteen-eighty-four|1984]]'' *[http://www.arena.org.au/Archives/Mag%20Archive/Issue%2066/features_66.htm "Orwell, Whose Orwell?" by Guy Rundle] in ''Arena'' magazine (August-September 2003) *[http://benedictcooper.co.uk/drifting-from-the-truth-debunking-fake-orwell-quotes/ "Drifting from the truth: debunking fake Orwell quotes"] by Benedict Cooper (publicity officer of The Orwell Society) 30 March 2022 {{DEFAULTSORT:Orwell, George}} [[Category:1903 births]] [[Category:1950 deaths]] [[Category:George Orwell| ]] bqje8brmb154z3z6wsauf2rb4x7eubq 0 524 3949195 3945772 2026-06-05T13:40:40Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949195 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Pinky and the Brain|Pinky and the Brain]]''''' is an American animated television series that aired on Kids' WB from 1995 to 1998. Pinky and Brain are genetically enhanced laboratory mice who reside in a cage in the Acme Labs research facility. Brain is self-centered and scheming, while Pinky is good-natured but feebleminded. The show was aimed at older children, and preteens, and from ages 7 to 14. ==Season 1== ===''Das Mouse'' [1.1]=== :''[After seeing on a naval chart how close their objective is]'' :'''Pinky''': Oh, look, Brain, it's so close, we'll be there before you can say "Poit!" :'''Brain''': We'll reach Mars before I yell "Poit!" Pinky. {{line}} :'''Brain''': Any questions? :'''Pinky''': Umm. If you could be any animal, what would it be? :'''Brain''': Oh, I'd have to say a hawk, Pinky. So I could soar through the sky, catch little white mice in my sharp talons, and feed them to my young. :'''Pinky''': Eww. That's just weird, Brain. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pinky''': ''[Their submarine is filling up with water.]'' We're gonna make it! We're gonna make it, right Brain!? BRAIN?? :'''Brain''': POIT! ===''Of Mouse and Man'' [1.2]=== :'''Brain''': The dark side that has created grotesque war machines, pollution-spilling factories and now, a hideous thing, that is spreading across the world, like a horrible plague: Voicemail. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pinky''': DID YOU EVER ASK WHAT I DID TODAY?! ''[cries]'' ===''Tokyo Grows/That Smarts/Brainstem'' [1.3]=== :'''Pinky''': ''[talking like a bad English dub]'' Narf! Brain, Let us go and see Gollyzilla! We can watch excitedly as he crushes buildings and then flee in terror! :'''Brain''': ''[slaps him in the face]'' Snap out of it, Pinky! :'''Pinky''': ''[talking normally]'' Oh. thanks, Brain. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pinky''': ''[after getting zapped by the giant ray]'' Narf! Where are you, Brain? I can't see you! :'''Brain''': I'm down… :'''Pinky''': ''[accidentally steps on him]'' Oh. Oh. Wait a sec, Brain. I've got some gum on my shoe. ''[peels Brain off his foot]'' :'''Brain''': Apparently, your IQ didn't grow along with your shoe size, Pinky. ===''Pinky & the Fog/Where No Mouse Has Gone Before/Cheese Roll Call'' [1.4]=== ===''Brainania'' [1.5]=== ===''TV or Not TV'' [1.6]=== ===''Napoleon Brainaparte'' [1.7]=== ===''A Pinky and the Brain Christmas'' [1.8]=== :'''Pinky''': You know, Brain, I've been thinking I don't want to be an elf anymore. :'''Brain''': What do you want to be Pinky? :'''Pinky''': [[w:Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (TV special)|A dentist]]! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brain''': ''[Reading Pinky's letter to Santa]'' "Dear Santa, Hello, haha, narf. ''[Glares at a tearful Pinky before continuing]'' This year, Santa, I ask for nothing, but I wish to tell you about ''[haltingly]'' my dear friend, The Brain. He is honest and very hardworking, and only wants what's best for the world. But he gets no reward - he's only greeted with defeat. He never gives up, but I know it must be very hard. So please, take anything you have for me and give it to my best friend in the whole world, The Brain. ''[Looks sadly over at Pinky, who is crying due to not having given the letter to Santa when he had the chance]'' Love, Pinky. PS - By any chance, do you have in that big old bag of yours, the world?" :'''Pinky''': ''[Pinky activates the mind control device]'' You're on! :''[Brain is too stunned to even speak]'' :'''Pinky''': You're on, Brain! :'''Brain''': ''[Still teary-eyed from Pinky's letter, composing himself]'' Um, ladies and gentlemen of the world, you will do as I say. For I... I command you. I command you to... ''[Looks over at Pinky, who is urging him on, before tearfully blurting out]'' Have a Merry Christmas everyone! Have a merry, ''merry'' Christmas! Joy to the world! Yes! ''[Breaks down sobbing]'' ===''Snowball'' [1.9]=== :'''Brain''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh go ahead, Pinky. I don't need you. What do you think, I just have you around so I can steal your brilliant ideas and claim them as my own? That I'm just using you, Pinky? Oh yes, I'm using you for your brilliance. :'''Pinky''': That's exactly what Snowball said! ===''Around the World in 80 Narfs'' [1.10]=== ===''Fly'' [1.11]=== :'''Brain''': I feel the need. I feel the [[w:Need for Speed (disambiguation)|need for expeditious velocity]]. ===''Ambulatory Abe/Mouse of La Mancha'' [1.12]=== ===''The Third Mouse/The Visit'' [1.13]=== ==Season 2== ===''It's Only a Paper World'' [2.1]=== :'''Brain''': Pinky, I'm a stone's throw away from the Vatican. Where are you? :'''Pinky''': In here, Brian: The Sixteen Chapel. :'''Brain''': This from a mouse who thinks a Fresco is a can of carbonated soda. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brain''': We shall no longer call this planet Earth, Pinky. :'''Pinky''': When was it called "Earth Pinky"? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brain''': For the last time, Pinky, there is no such word as "Chramecirum"! ===''Collect 'Em All/Pinkasso'' [2.2]=== ===''Plan Brain from Outer Space'' [2.3]=== ===''The Pink Candidate'' [2.4]=== ===''Brain's Song'' [2.5]=== ===''Welcome to the Jungle'' [2.6]=== :'''Pinky''': Uh. There’s a big pile of dung under that tree. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pinky''': Egads, Brain! We’ve fallen into some kind of intergalactic wormhole! :'''Brain''': ''[he and Pinky come out of the log, covered in worms]'' With real worms! Gah! ''[he and Pinky brushed them off]'' Look around you, Pinky! The jungle! Poisonous plants, bloodthirsty carnivores, the stench of decay permeating the air. :'''Pinky''': Actually, I rather like it. ''[breathes in the air]'' Smells just like an AirWick solid. Narf! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pinky''': Don’t worry, Brain. Two simple words that will make it all better Color adventure :'''Brain''': If I hurt you now, no one would know. :'''Pinky''': Umm. I might! :'''Brain''': That’s debatable! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pinky''': Brain! Are you pondering what I’m pondering? :'''Brain''': We eat the box? :'''Pinky''': No, Brain! We build a boat and then, we eat the box. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brain''': Save us, Pinky! Summon all your animal savagery and break through these bonds! :'''Pinky''': Here I go! ''[grunts as he tries to break the ropes binding him, to no avail]'' :''[Snowball laughs as he knocks Pinky into the quicksand]'' :'''Pinky''': Whoa! ''[screams]''. :'''Brain''': Pinky?! :'''Pinky''': It’s alright, Brain! This quicksand broke my fall! :'''Brain''': Quicksand?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brain''': ''[after Snowball breaks free of the net and jumps in the river]'' Snowball! ''[swings across the river on a vine and holds out his hand]'' Quickly, Snowball, take my hand. :'''Snowball''': ''[splashes Brain]'' Thanks, but, no thanks, Brain! I don't need your... ''[goes over a waterfall]'' Help! ''[lands in the water]'' Ha-ha, Brain! You can’t beat me! ''[screams as he goes over another waterfall]'' ===''A Little Off the Top/Megalomaniacs Anonymous'' [2.7]=== ===''The Mummy/Robin Brain'' [2.8]=== ===''Two Mice and a Baby/The Maze'' [2.9]=== ===''Brain of the Future'' [2.10]=== ===''Brinky'' [2.11]=== ===''Hoop Schemes'' [2.12]=== ==Season 3== ===''Leave It to Beavers/Cinebrainia'' [3.1]=== ===''Brain Noir'' [3.2]=== :''[Pinky and Brain are discussing Brain's not-too-bright girlfriend]'' :'''Brain''': I met her today in the maze. Her name is Billie. She's of simple folk, fair and true. :'''Pinky''': You mean she's stupid? :'''Brain''': A bit. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brain''': After [Snowball], Pinky! He's about to engage the machine! :'''Pinky''': Poit! I didn't even know they were going steady. We really ought to bring a gift, Brain. ''[Brain grabs him and runs after Snowball.]'' You know where they're registered? Congratulations, Snowball! We're so happy for you and your fianceé! A hamster engaged to a big machine? What will people say? :'''Brain''': Stop being foolish, Pinky. :'''Pinky''': Oh you're right, Brain, as long as they're happy. We should get them something nice; a fondue set, maybe. I mean, after all, we are getting tight hats in the bargain. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Brain finds Billie at the controls of the machine]'' :'''Pinky''': Egad, Brain! Snowball's turned into a mouse! :'''Brain''': No, Pinky, it's Billie. :'''Pinky''': Billie's turned into a hamster? ''[Brain grabs him and smacks him with his hat repeatedly]'' She's a mouse! She's a hamster! She's a mouse! She's a hamster! She's a mouse ''and'' a hamster? ''[laughs deliriously]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brain''': ''[about Snowball's plan]'' ...and execute me in the process. :'''Snowball''': Oh, don't be silly, Brain. It would take all the fun out of life; I derive my greatest pleasure from making you squirm. :'''Pinky''': I derive my greatest pleasure from making Brain squirt milk out of his nose! ''[Snowball and Brain bop Pinky on the head]'' Natch! ===''Pinky & the Brain...and Larry/Where the Deer and the Mousealopes Play'' [3.3]=== ===''Brain's Bogie/Say What, Earth?'' [3.4]=== ===''My Feldmans, My Friends'' [3.5]=== ===''All You Need Is Narf/Pinky's Plan'' [3.6]=== :''[disguised as a cow]'' :'''Brain''': Moo. We are a cow. Take us to China. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brain''': The irony of it all, Pinky. Years of trying to take over the world, and all I had to do was say "moo". ===''This Old Mouse'' [3.7]=== ===''Brain Storm'' [3.8]=== ===''A Meticulous Analysis of History/Funny, You Don't Look Rhennish'' [3.9]=== ===''The Pinky Protocol'' [3.10]=== :''[Brain spots Gulliver Sloane, a parody of [[Oliver Stone]]]'' :'''Brain''': Pinky, look! Somebody's filming us. <hr width=50%> :'''Fred Floppel''': A scratchy piece of surveillance footage triggers a bizarre new conspiracy theory from controversial film director, Gulliver Sloane. Good evening, I'm Fred Floppel. <hr width=50%> :''[In a cabin, a chubby man wearing a camouflage hat with matching pants and a white shirt sits in a rickety chair eating spam]'' :'''Man''': Well, that's the saddest story I've ever heard. <hr width=50%> :'''Brain''': Just look for a document called the Pinky Protocol. :'''Sloane''': The Pinky Protocol? What's that? :''[Brain glances left then right]'' :'''Brain''': ''They'' don't want you to know. <hr width=50%> :''[Back in his cabin, the man eats more spam]'' :'''Man''': Well, why won't they leave that poor Brain fella alone? <hr width=50%> :''[That night, at the National Archives, Brain, wrapped in bandages with his arm in a sling after his injuries at the golf by former president Gerald Ford, looks up at Pinky through the mail slot]'' :'''Brain''': Now reel me up, Pinky. ''Slowly''. :''[Using a fishing pole, Pinky slowly reels him up]'' :'''Pinky''': Poit! Are you sure you don't wanna rest a bit? :''[Brain bumps his bandaged foot at the door each time he sways back and forth]'' :'''Brain''': There's no time to rest, Pinky. Ooh! Now that we have the document signed… Ah! …we must place it in the National Archives… ''[groans as if to say, "Doors!"]'' …so that it can be discovered. Ow! :''[He reaches the top of the mail slot]'' :'''Brain''': Now, push open the mail slot and hoist me in. :'''Pinky''': OK. :''[Pinky accidentally lets go of the reel and pushes the mail slot open. Brain screams and hits the ground. Inside, Pinky lands on the floor]'' :'''Pinky''': Hold on, Brain! :''[He reels the fishing pole line quickly. Brain grabs the rolled-up document and hangs on for dear life as he bumps the mail slot, then falls and lands hard on the floor]'' :'''Pinky''': Poit! Are you alright, Brain? :'''Brain''': I'm fine, Pinky. <hr width=50%> :''[After Brain trips over one of the lasers from the security system, two agents lead him and Pinky outside. Sloane runs over to Brain, pointing at him and holding his camera]'' :'''Sloane''': Let me through! Look! It's him! The Brain! We've finally caught you red-handed, didn't we? :'''Brain''': No, you've got it all wrong. :''[Back in his cabin, the man spots Brain on TV]'' :'''Man''': I knew it! Those government agents have got the little fella by the whiskers! <hr width=50%> :''[Three policemen jump out of the way as the man drives a pick-up truck and stops. Sloane, Brain, Pinky and the reporters watch with surprised looks. As the reporters chatter in confusion, the man gets out of the truck]'' :'''Man''': Don't worry, little guy, I'll save you from those big government fellas! :'''Brain''': No! We don't need to be saved! :''[He and Pinky gasp as the man grabs them and runs back to his truck, taking them in with him]'' :'''Man''': Well, Big Jake is going to save you anyway, whether you like it or not! :''[The man, now named Big Jake, or more shortly known as Jake, drives off as three more policemen jump out of the way. Sloane picks up the document]'' :'''Sloane''': Hey! Aren't you going after him? :''[Two policemen glance at each other before running off. Three police cars chase Jake's truck]'' :'''Brain''': What are you doing? Who are you? Are you mad? :'''Jake''': You don't have to thank me. This is just like when the black helicopters took away Heshimu. Y'all remember Heshimu? :''[Pinky shrugs at Brain as if saying, "I don't remember."]'' :'''Jake''': Of course not, they don't ''want'' you to remember! The people thought he disappeared in [[w:Sumatra|Sumatra]] with a big gerbil! Actually, he tried to borrow the elephant man's skeleton! :''[Jake pulls the lever and pushes the gas pedal with his foot as his truck goes faster, causing Brain and Pinky to hit the window. Two police cars block Jake's path but he takes a shortcut off a cliff as the mice scream]'' :'''Jake''': Mr. Whipple wasn't the tidy bowl man! I'm telling you, he was not the tidy bowl man! :''[Brain and Pinky are pressed onto the seat as if hanging on for dear life]'' :'''Pinky''': Make it stop, Brain! Make it stop! :'''Brain''': This guy is one green maraschino cherryshire of a fruit cake, Pinky. Let's get outta here! :''[Brain opens the door of the truck, causing him and Pinky to fly out of here while screaming. They bounce on the grassy field when they see a police car heading straight for them. Its tire rolls over them and launches them into a sign reading: "Welcome to Virginia". Pinky spots something in the sky]'' :'''Pinky''': Narf! I see an angel coming for us. :''[Brain stands up looking dizzy]'' :'''Brain''': I see clams. Big shirtless clams. :'''Pinky''': No, Brain, really. :''[A bald eagle swoops down and grabs the duo in its talons then flies off. A helicopter hits the eagle, causing it to drop Pinky and Brain. Back with Jake]'' :'''Jake''': And they say those UFOs are just pie plates. Well, they ''are'' pie plates! ''Alien'' pie plates! :''[Brain and Pinky fly back into the truck]'' :'''Jake''': And whatever happened to eating track tapes? It's a conspiracy, you know?! :'''Brain''': Uh-huh. :''[The truck drives out of sight]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Elsewhere, an angry mob is gathered outside Jake's cabin while holding signs that read: "Free Harold Foster Brain!", "Put a Brain in Charge!", and "We Want Brain!". A car stops and the agent from the FBI, a blonde man wearing shades, steps out and holds a megaphone]'' :'''FBI Agent''': Police to Harold Foster Brain, come out with your hands up. :''[Sitting on a camera catwalk, Sloane taps his shoulder to get his attention]'' :'''Sloane''': Officer, you're blocking my shot! :''[Inside the cabin, Jake hides behind the window]'' :'''Jake''': I'm not coming out! No way! We don't recognize the 40s of your illegally constituted government! :'''FBI Agent''': ''[on megaphone; offscreen]'' I promise, we'll not turn you over to the aliens or Mr. Whipple. :''[Brain and Pinky sit in Jake's chair]'' :'''Brain''': Pinky, we're trapped by a mad man! Try not to panic. :'''Pinky''': 'K. :''[Pinky spots a remote to the chair]'' :'''Pinky''': Poit! ''[gasps]'' Look, Brain! Magic fingers. :''[He presses a button and the chair vibrates which causes Brain to fall onto the floor. Jake approaches them]'' :'''Jake''': Quick! Put on these tin-foiled hats so they can't control your minds. :''[Wearing a tin-foiled hat over his own hat, he puts one on Brain's rear and another on Pinky's head. Pinky looks amazed at it]'' :'''Pinky''': ''[vibrating]'' Ooh! Narf! Thank you! :'''Brain''': Perhaps we're approaching this in the wrong way, Mister, uh, Big Jake. If I might go out and talk to the authorities. :'''Jake''': No, Your Leadership, the people need you! That's why I have to keep you locked in here! If you go out there, they'll get you and you'll never be heard from again! Why do you think [[Elvis Presley|Elvis]] had to go to hiding? And whatever happened to [[w:Joyce DeWitt|Joyce DeWitt]]?! :'''Brain''': But we can't stay here forever. :'''Jake''': Sure we can. You can rule from right here, and we can print our own jacks. <hr width=50%> :''[After everyone realizes that the real Harold Foster Brain is Joyce DeWitt]'' :'''Man''': Come on, everybody! Let's go over to Joyce DeWitt's house! :''[As the people run off, Jake steps out of his cabin, glaring at Pinky and Brain as he holds them by their tails]'' :'''Jake''': You lied to me! You're one of them! :''[He kicks them out and they land on the ground]'' :'''Jake''': ''[offscreen]'' And give me back my hats! :''[He takes the hats back and slams the door offscreen]'' :'''Pinky''': ''[sadly]'' Poit! I'll miss him. :'''Brain''': Yes, it isn't often you meet an election up here, isn't it, Pinky? :'''Pinky''': Mm-mm. ===''Mice Don't Dance/Brain Drained'' [3.11]=== ===''Brain Acres'' [3.12]=== ===''Pinky and the Brainmaker/Calvin Brain'' [3.13]=== ===''Pinky Suavo/T.H.E.Y.'' [3.14]=== ===''The Real Life'' [3.15]=== ===''Brain's Way'' [3.16]=== ===''A Pinky and the Brain Halloween'' [3.17]=== :'''Brain''': No! Pinky, you got chocolate on my Jack-o-lantronix transmitter! :'''Pinky''': [[w:Reese's Peanut Butter Cups|You got Jack-o-lantronix transmitter in my chocolate!]] ===''Brainy Jack'' [3.18]=== ===''Leggo My Ego/Big in Japan'' [3.19]=== ===''But That's Not All, Folks!'' [3.20]=== ===''Operation: Sea Lion/You Said a Mouseful'' [3.21]=== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pinky''': Brilliant, Brain! Oh, one quick question. :'''Brain''': What? :'''Pinky''': Do sealions eat seazebras? :'''Brain''': You ''are'' going to be a help this time. Say it! :'''Pinky''': "You ''are'' going to be a help this time." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pinky''': I think I'll ask Winnie if she wants to go to the movies with me. ''[barks to Winnie in sealion language; she starts swimming faster]'' :'''Brain''': You just said "Fetch me a big clown hat!" :'''Pinky''': Oh! What a good idea! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brain''': ''[being attacked by an octopus]'' PINKY! :'''Pinky''': Hi Brain. Do you know the lyrics to ''[[w:Muskrat Love|Muskrat Love]]''? :'''Brain''': OCTOPUS! HELLLP! :'''Pinky''': ''[singing to the tune of ''Muskrat Love'']'' Octopus help... ''[stops]'' I don't think that's quite right... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brain''': ''[speaking in sealion language]'' You must get the army back at once. :'''Winnie''': ''[subtitled]'' Give me a fish and I will playfully nuzzle you. :'''Brain''': There's no time for me to give you another fish! :'''Pinky''': ''[speaks to Winnie in sealion language; she swims away]'' Winnie! Come back! I was only trying to tell her how much I like her." :'''Brain''': Unfortunately, it came out more like, "I'm a big billy goat so you'd better beat it, sister." ===''The Tailor and the Mice/Bah, Wilderness'' [3.22]=== ===''Pinky at the Bat/Schpiel-borg 2000'' [3.23]=== :'''Brain''': The game does not conclude until the woman with the eating disorder ululates. ===''Broadway Malady'' [3.24]=== ===''The Megalomaniacal Adventures of Brainie the Poo/The Melancholy Brain'' [3.25]=== :'''Narrator''': So they took their friend Christopher's advice and went to see [[w:Al Gore|Algore]] the Donkey, who lived on the very next page. :'''Pinky''': When does this scene start to animate, Brainie? :'''Brain''': It already ''has'', Pinklet. The question is, when does Algore start to animate? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brain''': Has it ever occurred to you, Pinklet, that your scarf is constricting the bloodflow to your head? :'''Pinky''': Yes! And it keeps my neck all cozy-warm. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brain''': Luckily, I know the location of a veritable [[w:Fort Knox|Fort Knox]] of honey, right here in Acme Woods! :'''Pinky''': Oooh, a fort! FORT! Oh, can we play Cowboys and Indians? :'''Brain''': No, but we can play Geniuses and Numbskulls. :'''Pinky''': How do you play? :'''Brain''': Like this! ''[hits Pinky with his stick]'' :'''Pinky''': Troz! Who won? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brain''': As you know, people in today's body conscious society are obsessed with losing weight. My plan is to secretly replace all the artificial sweeteners in the world with real ones, thus rendering the world's population fat, slow moving, and completely toothless. :'''Pinky''': You mean like the guests on [[w:Jerry Springer|Jerry Springer]]? :'''Brain''': Exactly, Pinklet. ===''Inherit the Wheeze'' [3.26]=== ===''Brain's Night Off/Beach Blanket Brain'' [3.27]=== ===''The Family That Poits Together, Narfs Together'' [3.28]=== ===''Pinky's Turn/Your Friend: Global Domination'' [3.29]=== ===''You'll Never Eat Food Pellets in This Town Again!'' [3.30]=== ===''Dangerous Brains'' [3.31]=== ===''Whatever Happened to Baby Brain/Just Say Narf'' [3.32]=== ===''The Pinky P.O.V./The Really Great Dictator/Brain Food'' [3.33]=== :'''Pinky''': Brain? Brain? Yoo-hoo! Where is he? Ah! He really should clean up after himself. Oh, well. ''[sweeps up the dust and walks over the trash can, humming a tune, and looks at himself in admiration]'' Zort! ''[chuckles cheekily and dumps the dust]'' :'''Brain''': Pinky? Open the trash can. ''[Pinky does so]'' Thank you. :'''Pinky''': Brain, that was amazing! How did you do it? :'''Brain''': ''[grabs and pulls Pinky by the nose; annoyed]'' I was helped by a moronic blabbedy big word blah blah real big word something or other blah. :'''Pinky''': ''[rubs his nose]'' Well, that was nice of him. You know, it's hard to find a friendly, um, what you said. :'''Brain''': Not hard enough. ''[bashes Pinky with a pencil, making him fall over]'' :'''Pinky''': All fall down. ''[laughs cheekily]'' Narf! {{line}} :'''Brain''': Are you pondering what I'm pondering? :'''Pinky''': Whoof, oh, I'd have to say the odds of that are terribly slim, Brain. :'''Brain''': True! :'''Pinky''': I mean, really, when have I ever been pondering what you've been pondering? :'''Brain''': To my knowledge. Never! :'''Pinky''': Exactly. So, what are the chances that this time, I'm pondering what you're pondering? :'''Brain''': Next to nil. :'''Pinky''': Well, that's exactly what I'm thinking, too. :'''Brain''': Therefore, you are pondering what I'm pondering. :'''Pinky''': Poit! I guess I am! ==Season 4== ===''Brainwashed: Part 1 - Brain, Brain, Go Away'' [4.1]=== :'''[[w:Hillary Clinton|Hillary Clinton]]''': Would you mind telling me who you are?! :'''Brain''': As if you didn't know. :'''Hillary Clinton''': Right. As if I didn't know. :'''Pinky''': Why, he's your guest of honor - the Brain! :'''Brain''': I am the subject of this whole conference. :'''Hillary Clinton''': We're here to discuss the ''human'' brain. :'''Pinky''': Egad! There's a human version of you? Scary! ===''Brainwashed: Part 2 - I Am Not a Hat'' [4.2]=== ===''Brainwashed: Part 3 - Wash Harder'' [4.3]=== :'''Bill Clinton''': Hey, and don't forget - Saturday morning's the big global Schmëerskāhøvênathon for world peace. :'''Brain''': Schmëerskāhøvênathon? Pinky, do you know what this means? :'''Pinky''': Another preemption for [[w:Doug|''Brand Spanking Fresh and Shiny New Doug'']]? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brain''': Poor Snowball! I’m afraid his ways are changed for good. ===''To Russia with Lab Mice/Hickory Dickory Bonk'' [4.4]=== :'''Pinky''': Russia! I've heard of that place! Isn't it full of cheating, lying and backstabbing intrigue? :'''Brain''': The Cold War is over Pinky. Now Russia is a place of free-market capitalism. :'''Pinky''': What's free-market capitalism? :'''Brain''': Erm... cheating, lying and backstabbing intrigue. ===''The Pinky and the Brain Reunion Special'' [4.5]=== :'''Brain''': Are you pondering what I’m-''[lets out a belch]'' :''[The audience laughed. Pinky and the Brain laugh too.]'' :'''Brain''': ''[feeling a little embarrassed]'' Sorry! We’ll take it again! ===''A Legendary Tail/Project B.R.A.I.N.'' [4.6]=== ===''Star Warners'' [4.7]=== :'''Brain-2''': Are you pondering what I'm pondering, 3-Pinky-O? :'''Pinky-O''': Um, I think so, Brain-2, but a show about two talking lab mice? Heh, it'll never get on the air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brain-2''': ''[Last lines of the series]'' Come, Pinky-O. We must catch the space shuttle back to our home planet of Acme and prepare for the next millennium. :'''Pinky-O''': Gee, Brain-2, what are we gonna do in the next millennium? :'''Brain-2''': The same thing we do every millennium, Pinky-O. Try to take over the galaxy! :'''Chorus''': 3-Pinky, 3-Pinky and the Fridge, Fridge, Fridge, Fridge, Fridge! :'''Brain-2''': I am not a refrigerator. :'''Chorus''': Dot, dot, dot, dot! ==Cast== * '''[[w:Maurice LaMarche|Maurice LaMarche]]''' — The Brain * '''[[w:Rob Paulsen|Rob Paulsen]]''' — Pinky ==See also== * ''[[Tiny Toon Adventures]]'' * ''[[The Plucky Duck Show]]'' * ''[[Animaniacs]]'' * ''[[Pinky, Elmyra & the Brain|Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain]]'' * ''[[Animaniacs (2020 TV series)|Animaniacs]]'' (2020 TV series) * ''[[Tiny Toons Looniversity]]'' ==References== {{Wikipedia}} {{unsourced|article about a serial production}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:American animated TV spin-offs]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:The WB animated TV shows]] [[Category:Kids' WB shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about mice and rats]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] [[Category:Looney Tunes]] [[Category:Animaniacs]] q08heyrdys14dcwka0nsc7i0oemgnj1 0 785 3949345 3948204 2026-06-05T23:40:35Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Mr. Tambourine Man */ 3949345 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]] [[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]] [[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]] [[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]] [[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]] [[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]] [[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]] [[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]] '''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition". == Quotes == [[File:President Barack Obama presents American musician Bob Dylan with a Medal of Freedom (cropped).jpg|thumb| A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.]] * Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem. ** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) * Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963) * '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt. ** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963) * I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self. ** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005) * do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life. ** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964) * '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet''' ** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) * He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story. ** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview. * You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965) * I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs. ** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965) * I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most. ** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965) *'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142. ** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''. * '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966) * Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges. ** Playboy Interview (February 1966) * I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud! ** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]] * Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb. ** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967) * '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.''' ** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967) * You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything. ** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968) * I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song. ** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968) * My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record. ** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969) * Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world. ** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976) * '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978) * I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet. ** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978) * '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them? ** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978) * I kinda live where I find myself. ** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984) * I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do. ** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984) * I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself." * At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?' ** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985) * '''Chaos is a friend of mine.''' ** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985) * '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.''' ** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985) * If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream. ** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281 * '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet. ** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353 * When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis. ** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009) * The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much. ** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988) * It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991) * My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991) * '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.''' ** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992) * That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian. ** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997) * Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else. ** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997) * I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me. ** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997) * I'm inconsistent, even to myself. ** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997) * '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has. ** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001) * '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.''' ** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]] * I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?''' ** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005) * I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it. ** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005) * An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming. ** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005) * You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you. ** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005) * '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.''' ** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005) * I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd. ** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005) * '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.''' ** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead * Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.''' ** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100 * I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type. ** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009) * It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.''' ** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}} * '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.''' **''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45 * '''The people in my songs are all me.''' ** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009) * A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes. ** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org] === ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) === [[File:Chuck Berry presenting Golden Plate Award to Bob Dylan - 2003 Academy of Achievement Summit - DC.jpg|thumb| I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.]] * It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity. ** p. 9 * I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.''' ** p. 22 * Morality has nothing in common with politics. ** p. 45 * What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke. ** p. 49 * Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet. ** p. 51 * America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch. ** p. 73 * I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses. ** p. 114 * I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of. ** p. 115 * I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion. ** p. 147 * Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did. ** p. 220 * I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted. ** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243 * [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.” ** p288 * The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either. ** p. 293 === Nobel Banquet Speech === [[File:DylanYoungKilkenny140719v2 (50 of 52) (52246124397) (cropped).jpg|thumb| Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.]] :<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small> * If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon. * I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?" * As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried. * Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. '''Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.''' == Song lyrics == === ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) === ==== ''Talking New York'' ==== [[File:Starvation image from Fäderneslandet 1867.jpg|thumb| A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something]] * You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here. * A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something ==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ==== * I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings * Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born * Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind ** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''. === ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) === ==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ==== [[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]] [[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]] * '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?''' * Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea? * How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see? * How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky? * Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died? * '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.''' ==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ==== * So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine. ==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ==== * But I see through your eyes * All the money you made will never buy back your soul. * You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins. * There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do * And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead ==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ==== * Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one? ** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]]. * I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it. * I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken. * I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world. * I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'. * I met a white man who walked a black dog. * And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it. * But I'll know my song well before I start singin'. * '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.''' ==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ==== [[File:Bob Dylan (1965).jpg|thumb|I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''']] * It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now ** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''. * '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.''' * I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''' ** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''. * '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right. ==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ==== * I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war. * Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.''' === ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) === [[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'. ]] ==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ==== :<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small> * '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.''' * Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win''' * Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'. * Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’. ==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ==== * You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend * There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born * If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares? ==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ==== [[File:Giotto - Scrovegni - -31- - Kiss of Judas.jpg|thumb| But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side]] * You never ask questions When God's on your side * You don't count the dead When God's on your side * But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side * The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war. ==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ==== * Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully ** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''. * But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick ==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ==== * Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'. * Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'. ==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ==== * William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears. * William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears. * Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears. * In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears. === ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) === ==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ==== * '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.''' * '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.''' ==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ==== [[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]] * Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing. * Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing. ==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ==== [[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]] * It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you * I'm a poet, and I know it. ==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ==== * Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you ==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ==== [[File:Bob Dylan 1963.jpg|thumb| Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.]] * '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.''' * Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull. * In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow. ==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ==== * I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard." ==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ==== * All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?" ==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ==== * Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe. === ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) === [[File:Bois-Plage-en-Ré 17 Girouette vendangeurs 2009.jpg|thumb| You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows]] ==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ==== :<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small> * Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again''' * '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows''' * Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail * '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters''' * Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift * The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles ==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ==== * She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back. * She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black. * You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees. ==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ==== * Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them * '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.''' ==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ==== * There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all. * '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.''' * In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall. ==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ==== * '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.''' ==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ==== * I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him" ==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ==== [[File:Mrtambourineman.jpg|thumb|Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.]] * The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming. * And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme... * It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run * Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time... * Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free. * With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow. * Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.''' ==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ==== * All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow. * And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden. * Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides. ==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ==== [[File:Pile of Cash.jpg|thumb| Money doesn't talk, it swears]] * '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying [[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]] * He not busy being born is busy dying''' * Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred * Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred * Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked * '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.''' *While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir * '''Money doesn't talk, it swears''' [[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]] ==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ==== * You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun. * The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense. * Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor. * Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue. === ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) === ==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ==== * '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.''' * Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with. * I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you. ==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ==== [[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]] * '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?''' * Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.''' * You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal * '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.''' * Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made * Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.''' ==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ==== * The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course. * The sun's not yellow, it's chicken. * Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison *The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter * And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college ==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ==== * Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill. * '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?''' ==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ==== * And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone? * You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks. * You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone. * '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?''' * Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan. * You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground. * They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization. ==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ==== [[File:Rembrandt - Sacrifice of Isaac - WGA19096.jpg|thumb| Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.]] [[File:US 61 Airline Highway Southern Louisiana.jpg|thumb| Abe says, where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]]. ]] * Oh [[God in Judaism|God]] said to [[Abraham]], [[Binding of Isaac |Kill me a son]].<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]]. ==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ==== * The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same. * I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff. ==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ==== [[File:Watchmen-smiley.svg|thumb| Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do]] * They're selling postcards of the hanging * Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/> * Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do * The [[W:Titanic|Titanic]] sails at dawn * And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers... === ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) === * [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean? * Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul. :* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978 ==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ==== * '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!''' ==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ==== * Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident. ==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ==== [[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]] * Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again? * And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice. * The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind. * '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.''' * You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied. ==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ==== [[File:Oxford University Museum of Natural History, Oxford, UK - Diliff.jpg|thumb| Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.]] [[File:Mona Lisa, by Leonardo da Vinci, from C2RMF retouched.jpg|thumb|[[Mona Lisa]] must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles]] * '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?''' * '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.''' * He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all * '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But [[Mona Lisa]] must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles * The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face. * '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.''' * '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.''' ==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ==== * She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br /> ==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ==== * Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat ** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''. * I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat ==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ==== * She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl. ==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ==== * You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong. ==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ==== [[File:Robin shoots with sir Guy by Louis Rhead 1912.png|thumb|To live outside the law, you must be honest.]] * '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.''' * And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony ==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ==== *Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait? *With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?''' <!-- === ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) === --> === ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) === ==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ==== * "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br /> * All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl. ==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ==== * I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried ==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ==== * "Nothing is revealed" === ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) === ==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ==== * '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.''' * Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine. * '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.''' ==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ==== * Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you. === ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) === ==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ==== * '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.''' * '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.''' === ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) === ==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ==== * Time passes slowly up here in the mountains === ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) === ==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ==== * Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece. === ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) === ==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ==== [[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]] * '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.''' * May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young. === ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) === ==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ==== * Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red. * '''Tangled up in blue...''' * Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through... * I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force... * '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...''' * '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...''' * All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now... * Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives... * '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...''' * '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> ''' * I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air. ==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ==== * '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.''' * I can't help it if I'm lucky. * Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars. * I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn. * Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.''' * It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart * You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart * Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory * You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you... * I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me. ==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ==== [[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]] * I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart * A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream? * '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...''' * Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days. * I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way. ==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ==== * Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts. ==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ==== * 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.' * '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.''' * Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm... ==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ==== * I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free * Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so. * Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast''' * ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.''' === ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) === ==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ==== * Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault ** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''. ==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ==== * Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them. ==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ==== [[File:1905 Fire Wagon wheel.jpg|thumb| Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!]] * If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.''' * If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well. * If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well. * '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!''' === ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) === ==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ==== * '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world. * Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat. * Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game. ==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ==== * There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique. ==== ''Oh, Sister'' ==== * Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow. === ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) === ====''Changing of the Guards''==== * Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords ==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ==== * Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon? ==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ==== * Do you love me, or are you just extending good will? * I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed === ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) === ==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ==== [[File:Ary Scheffer - The Temptation of Christ (1854).jpg|thumb| It may be the [[Devil]] or it may be the [[God in Christianity|Lord]], but you're gonna have to serve somebody.]] * It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody. * You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy... ==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ==== * Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground. * The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe. * My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well." * We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves. ==== ''I Believe in You'' ==== * They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you. * I believe in you even on the morning after. ==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ==== * Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon? * All that foreign [[Oil|oil]] controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding [[United States|America's]] future from [[Amsterdam]] and to [[Paris]]. * In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave. * Man's ego's inflated, his [[Law|laws]] are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting. * Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate [[Satan]]. * The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency. * People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it. * They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it. * It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets. ==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ==== * (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss. ==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ==== * Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged. ==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ==== * You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep. * Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots. * You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled. * Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires. * They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold. * When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain? ==== ''When He Returns'' ==== * Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through. === ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) === ==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ==== [[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]] * In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand * '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand''' ** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'') === ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) === ==== ''Jokerman'' ==== * Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do? * Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread. * Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within. * You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister. * You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name. * The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers. * The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain. * A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot. ==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ==== * A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong. * Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss. * They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor. * They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings. * Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king. * There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss. ==== ''Man of Peace'' ==== * Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace. * Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police. * He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least. * He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east. ==== ''I and I'' ==== * Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart. * Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. ==== ''Union Sundown'' ==== * A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more. * Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells. * It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way. * Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence. ==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ==== * Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be. ==== ''License to Kill'' ==== * Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will. * For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon. * Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way. === ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) === ==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ==== * What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big. ==== ''Dark Eyes'' ==== * I live in another world, where life and death are memorized. * I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come. * '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.''' * All I see are dark eyes. ==== ''Trust Yourself'' ==== * If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself. === ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) === ==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ==== * I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain. * My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most. * Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it. ==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ==== * '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.''' * If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide. * The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me. * It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be. * When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me. * Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me. === ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) === ==== ''Maybe Someday'' ==== * Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do. ==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ==== * ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death. * I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart. * I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul. * She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt." * We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die. * I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran. * When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do. * I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line. * I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how. * The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter. * '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.''' * You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent. === ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) === ==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ==== [[File:Flag of New Jersey.svg|thumb|In [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught]] * Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling [[cocaine]] and [[hashish|hash]]<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man * Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''" === ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) === ==== ''Political World'' ==== * We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall. ==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ==== * Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep. ==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ==== * There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat. * There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse ==== ''Shooting Star'' ==== * Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you. === ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) === ==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ==== * They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down. ==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ==== * Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see. === ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) === ==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ==== * Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground. * I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history. ==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ==== * The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn. ==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ==== * '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?''' ==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ==== * Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]] === ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) === ==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ==== *Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity === ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) === [[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]] ==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ==== * I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it. ==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ==== * Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one. ==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ==== * '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain''' * I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from. * I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies * Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there. ==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ==== * I could hold you for a million years ==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ==== * '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.''' ==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ==== * She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong! * Insanity is crashing up against my soul. === ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) === ==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ==== [[File:Bob dylan1.jpg|thumb| I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can]] * Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street. * People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.''' * You can hurt someone and not even know it * I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the [[The Bible|Bible]] is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can''' === ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) === ==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ==== * My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in. * '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.''' * I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees. * So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too. * I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past. * But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me. * Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere. * Things should start to get interesting right about now. ==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ==== * Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose ==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ==== [[File:Ambigram Future tessellation - animation.gif|thumb| The future for me is already a thing of the past.]] * I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time. * '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.''' * I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more. ==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ==== * Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least. * I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud ** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137. ==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ==== * Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days * My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat. ==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ==== * Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard. * I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind. * As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself. * '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?''' ==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ==== * Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call === ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) === ==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ==== * Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need. * Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand. ==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ==== * The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork. ==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ==== * Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means. ==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ==== * '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.''' === ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) === ==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ==== [[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]] * I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice ==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ==== * The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door. === ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) === ==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ==== * Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone" ==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ==== * She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide === ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) === ==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ==== * It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen ==== ''Pay in Blood'' ==== * Another politician pumpin' out the piss. ==== ''Tin Angel'' ==== * He bent in the middle like a twisted pin === ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) === ==== ''My Own Version of You'' ==== * Long before the [[First Crusade]], way back before [[England]] or [[United States|America]] was made. * Mr. [[Sigmund Freud|Freud]] with his dreams, Mr. [[Karl Marx|Marx]] with his ax. ==== ''Mother of Muses'' ==== * Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King ==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ==== * I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon. ==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ==== * I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see. * Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through. == Quotes about Dylan == [[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]] *Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed. **{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref> *He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it. **Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time] *It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened." **Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral] * The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again. ** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016) * A voice like sand and glue. ** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971) * To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain. ** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016) *I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics. **[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001) *In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music. **[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000) * Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is. ** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296. * '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.''' **[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)] * I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit. ** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994. *'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru. **[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968]. [[File:Todd Haynes MFF 2023.jpg|thumb| The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned... Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity. — [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]]] * '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.''' ** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)] * Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man. ** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965) * He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him. ** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010) * My hero was and still is Bob Dylan. ** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005) * I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us. ** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016) * The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off. ** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179 * Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts. ** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021) * He's one of the great artists of the century. ** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999) *I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word. **[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020) * "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.''' ** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490 * '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is. ** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004) * Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III. ** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008) * Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us. ** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63 * Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan... ** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100 * Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.''' ** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422 *since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing. **[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996) *Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible. **[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009) * '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.''' ** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross * I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment. ** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005) *There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture. **[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States'' *You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed. **[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024 ==See also== * ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]. * ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]]. == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} * [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain] * [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics] * [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan] * [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word] * [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.] {{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}} [[Category:Guitarists from the United States]] [[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]] [[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]] [[Category:Folk singers]] [[Category:Poets from the United States]] [[Category:Jews from the United States]] [[Category:Jewish songwriters]] [[Category:1941 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Rock singers]] [[Category:American folk music]] [[Category:Folk rock singers]] [[Category:Blues]] [[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]] [[Category:People from Minnesota]] [[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]] [[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]] [[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]] o4jn9hxato1rkskiy4a0yzeaedr6e6k 4 786 3949330 3948794 2026-06-05T21:53:13Z GrimRob 1187925 Adding Sophia Alj VfD entry 3949330 wikitext text/x-wiki {{/header}} [[Category:Votes for deletion|*]] <!--- Requests below ---> = Deletion candidates = {{Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Financial-chick-lit}} {{Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Daniel Callihan}} <!--June 4, 2026 candidates--> {{Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Mike Wallace (executive)}} {{Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Sophia Alj}} f1vvq9zaca0oibolwtpd1ut5r5fniyw 0 1615 3949249 3945782 2026-06-05T15:15:05Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949249 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons''': The Model Series Eras: The Old Series Eras: The Clearwater Features Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 1|1]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 2|2]]}} The Britt Allcroft Company Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 3|3]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 4|4]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 5|5]]}} The Gullane Entertainment Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 6|6]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 7|7]]}} The New Series Era: The Old HIT Entertainment Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 8|8]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 9|9]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 10|10]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 11|11]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 12|12]]}} The CGI Series Eras: The Old CGI Series Era: The New HIT Entertainment Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 13|13]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 14|14]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 15|15]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 16|16]]}} The New CGI Series Era: The Andrew Brenner Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 17|17]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 18|18]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 19|19]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 20|20]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 21|21]]}} The Big World! Big Adventures! Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 22|22]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 23|23]] 24}} ---- '''''Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends''''' (1984–1986, 1991-1992, 1994-1995, 1998, 2002-2021, otherwise referred to as '''''Thomas & Friends''''', '''''Thomas the Tank Engine''''' or '''''Thomas''''' for short) is a British [[w:Children's television series|children's television series]] based on the series of the British children's books referred to as ''[[The Railway Series]]''. The show was aimed at kindergarteners, and elementary school children, and from ages 4 to 8. ==Movies== * ''[[Thomas and the Magic Railroad]]'' (2000) * ''[[Calling All Engines!]]'' (2005) * ''[[The Great Discovery]]'' (2008) * ''[[Hero of the Rails]]'' (2009) * ''[[Thomas & Friends: Misty Island Rescue|Misty Island Rescue]]'' (2010) * ''[[Thomas & Friends: Day of the Diesels|Day of the Diesels]]'' (2011) * ''[[Blue Mountain Mystery]]'' (2012) * ''[[Thomas & Friends: King of the Railway|King of the Railway]] (2013) * ''[[Tale of the Brave]]'' (2014) * ''[[Thomas & Friends: The Adventure Begins|The Adventure Begins]]'' (2015) * ''[[Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure]]'' (2015) * ''[[The Great Race (Thomas)|The Great Race]]'' (2016) * ''[[Journey Beyond Sodor]]'' (2017) * ''[[Big World! Big Adventures!]]'' (2018) == Storytellers == *[[Ringo Starr]] (UK/US) (Seasons 1–2) (1984–1986) *[[w:Michael Angelis|Michael Angelis]] (UK) (Seasons 3–16) (1991–2012) *[[George Carlin]] (US) (Seasons 1–4) (1984–1995) *[[Alec Baldwin]] (US) (Seasons 5–6) (1998–2002) *[[w:Michael Brandon|Michael Brandon]] (US) (Seasons 7–16) (2003–2012) *[[w:Pierce Brosnan|Pierce Brosnan]] (UK/US) (Season 12) (2008) *[[w:Mark Moraghan|Mark Moraghan]] (UK/US) (Seasons 17–21) (2013–2017) *[[w:John Hasler|John Hasler]] (UK) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021) *[[w:Joseph May|Joseph May]] (US) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021) == Character Voices == *[[Ringo Starr]] (UK/US) (Seasons 1–2) (1984–1986) *[[w:Michael Angelis|Michael Angelis]] (UK) (Seasons 3–16) (1991–2012) *[[George Carlin]] (US) (Seasons 1–4) (1984–1995) *[[Alec Baldwin]] (US) (Seasons 5–6) (1998–2002) *[[w:Michael Brandon|Michael Brandon]] (US) (Seasons 7–16) (2003–2012) *[[w:Pierce Brosnan|Pierce Brosnan]] (UK/US) (Season 12) (2008) *[[w:Mark Moraghan|Mark Moraghan]] (UK/US) (Seasons 17–21) (2013–2017) *[[w:John Hasler|John Hasler]] (UK) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021) *[[w:Joseph May|Joseph May]] (US) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021) == See also == *''[[Tugs]]'' *''[[Shining Time Station]]'' *''[[Salty's Lighthouse]]'' *''[[Thomas & Friends: All Engines Go]]'' *''[[Microsoft Train Simulator]]'' *''[[Rail Simulator]]'' *''[[Train Simulator Classic]]'' *''[[Train Sim World]]'' *''[[The Railway Series]]'' == External links == {{wikipedia|Thomas & Friends}} *{{imdb title | id=0086815 | title=Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends}} {{Thomas & Friends}} [[Category:Animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:Animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:PBS shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:UK animated TV shows]] [[Category:Thomas & Friends]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:Freeform shows]] [[Category:ITV shows]] [[Category:Cartoon Network shows]] [[Category:Nick Jr. shows]] 0zyiyfmfhu0n3em485ypq6cjoycm6du 3949250 3949249 2026-06-05T15:16:52Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949250 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons''': The Model Series Eras: The Old Series Eras: The Clearwater Features Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 1|1]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 2|2]]}} The Britt Allcroft Company Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 3|3]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 4|4]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 5|5]]}} The Gullane Entertainment Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 6|6]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 7|7]]}} The New Series Era: The Old HIT Entertainment Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 8|8]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 9|9]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 10|10]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 11|11]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 12|12]]}} The CGI Series Eras: The Old CGI Series Era: The New HIT Entertainment Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 13|13]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 14|14]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 15|15]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 16|16]]}} The New CGI Series Era: The Andrew Brenner Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 17|17]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 18|18]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 19|19]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 20|20]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 21|21]]}} The Big World! Big Adventures! Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 22|22]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 23|23]] 24}} ---- '''''Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends''''' (1984–1986, 1991-1992, 1994-1995, 1998, 2002-2021, otherwise referred to as '''''Thomas & Friends''''', '''''Thomas the Tank Engine''''' or '''''Thomas''''' for short) is a British [[w:Children's television series|children's television series]] based on the series of the British children's books referred to as ''[[The Railway Series]]''. The show was aimed at kindergarteners, and elementary school children, and from ages 4 to 8. ==Movies== * ''[[Thomas and the Magic Railroad]]'' (2000) * ''[[Calling All Engines!]]'' (2005) * ''[[The Great Discovery]]'' (2008) * ''[[Hero of the Rails]]'' (2009) * ''[[Thomas & Friends: Misty Island Rescue|Misty Island Rescue]]'' (2010) * ''[[Thomas & Friends: Day of the Diesels|Day of the Diesels]]'' (2011) * ''[[Blue Mountain Mystery]]'' (2012) * ''[[Thomas & Friends: King of the Railway|King of the Railway]] (2013) * ''[[Tale of the Brave]]'' (2014) * ''[[Thomas & Friends: The Adventure Begins|The Adventure Begins]]'' (2015) * ''[[Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure]]'' (2015) * ''[[The Great Race (Thomas)|The Great Race]]'' (2016) * ''[[Journey Beyond Sodor]]'' (2017) * ''[[Big World! Big Adventures!]]'' (2018) == Storytellers == *[[Ringo Starr]] (UK/US) (Seasons 1–2) (1984–1986) *[[w:Michael Angelis|Michael Angelis]] (UK) (Seasons 3–16) (1991–2012) *[[George Carlin]] (US) (Seasons 1–4) (1984–1995) *[[Alec Baldwin]] (US) (Seasons 5–6) (1998–2002) *[[w:Michael Brandon|Michael Brandon]] (US) (Seasons 7–16) (2003–2012) *[[w:Pierce Brosnan|Pierce Brosnan]] (UK/US) (Season 12) (2008) *[[w:Mark Moraghan|Mark Moraghan]] (UK/US) (Seasons 17–21) (2013–2017) *[[w:John Hasler|John Hasler]] (UK) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021) *[[w:Joseph May|Joseph May]] (US) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021) == Character Voices == *[[Ringo Starr]] (UK/US) (Seasons 1–2) (1984–1986) *[[w:Michael Angelis|Michael Angelis]] (UK) (Seasons 3–16) (1991–2012) *[[George Carlin]] (US) (Seasons 1–4) (1984–1995) *[[Alec Baldwin]] (US) (Seasons 5–6) (1998–2002) *[[w:Michael Brandon|Michael Brandon]] (US) (Seasons 7–16) (2003–2012) *[[w:Pierce Brosnan|Pierce Brosnan]] (UK/US) (Season 12) (2008) *[[w:Mark Moraghan|Mark Moraghan]] (UK/US) (Seasons 17–21) (2013–2017) *[[w:John Hasler|John Hasler]] (UK) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021) *[[w:Joseph May|Joseph May]] (US) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021) == See also == *''[[Tugs]]'' *''[[Shining Time Station]]'' *''[[Salty's Lighthouse]]'' *''[[Thomas & Friends: All Engines Go]]'' *''[[Microsoft Train Simulator]]'' *''[[Rail Simulator]]'' *''[[Train Simulator Classic]]'' *''[[Train Sim World]]'' *''[[The Railway Series]]'' == External links == {{wikipedia|Thomas & Friends}} *{{imdb title | id=0086815 | title=Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends}} {{Thomas & Friends}} [[Category:UK children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:UK children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:PBS shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:UK children's animated TV shows]] [[Category:Thomas & Friends]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:Freeform shows]] [[Category:ITV shows]] [[Category:Cartoon Network shows]] [[Category:Nick Jr. shows]] 3lh9cymaiy6qil1qfua69dwleei1azj 3949290 3949250 2026-06-05T17:56:29Z ~2026-20710-68 3308056 3949290 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons''': The Model Series Eras: The Old Series Eras: The Clearwater Features Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 1|1]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 2|2]]}} The Britt Allcroft Company Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 3|3]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 4|4]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 5|5]]}} The Gullane Entertainment Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 6|6]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 7|7]]}} The New Series Era: The Old HIT Entertainment Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 8|8]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 9|9]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 10|10]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 11|11]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 12|12]]}} The CGI Series Eras: The Old CGI Series Era: The New HIT Entertainment Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 13|13]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 14|14]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 15|15]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 16|16]]}} The New CGI Series Era: The Andrew Brenner Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 17|17]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 18|18]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 19|19]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 20|20]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 21|21]]}} The Big World! Big Adventures! Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 22|22]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 23|23]] 24}} ---- '''''Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends''''' (1984–1986, 1991-1992, 1994-1995, 1998, 2002-2021, otherwise referred to as '''''Thomas & Friends''''', '''''Thomas the Tank Engine''''' or '''''Thomas''''' for short) is a British [[w:Children's television series|children's television series]] based on the series of the British children's books referred to as ''[[The Railway Series]]''. The show was aimed at kindergarteners, and elementary school children, and from ages 4 to 8. ==Movies== * ''[[Thomas and the Magic Railroad]]'' (2000) * ''[[Calling All Engines!]]'' (2005) * ''[[The Great Discovery]]'' (2008) * ''[[Hero of the Rails]]'' (2009) * ''[[Thomas & Friends: Misty Island Rescue|Misty Island Rescue]]'' (2010) * ''[[Thomas & Friends: Day of the Diesels|Day of the Diesels]]'' (2024) * ''[[Blue Mountain Mystery]]'' (2012) * ''[[Thomas & Friends: King of the Railway|King of the Railway]] (2013) * ''[[Tale of the Brave]]'' (2014) * ''[[Thomas & Friends: The Adventure Begins|The Adventure Begins]]'' (2015) * ''[[Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure]]'' (2015) * ''[[The Great Race (Thomas)|The Great Race]]'' (2016) * ''[[Journey Beyond Sodor]]'' (2017) * ''[[Big World! Big Adventures!]]'' (2018) == Storytellers == *[[Ringo Starr]] (UK/US) (Seasons 1–2) (1984–1986) *[[w:Michael Angelis|Michael Angelis]] (UK) (Seasons 3–16) (1991–2012) *[[George Carlin]] (US) (Seasons 1–4) (1984–1995) *[[Alec Baldwin]] (US) (Seasons 5–6) (1998–2002) *[[w:Michael Brandon|Michael Brandon]] (US) (Seasons 7–16) (2003–2012) *[[w:Pierce Brosnan|Pierce Brosnan]] (UK/US) (Season 12) (2008) *[[w:Mark Moraghan|Mark Moraghan]] (UK/US) (Seasons 17–21) (2013–2017) *[[w:John Hasler|John Hasler]] (UK) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021) *[[w:Joseph May|Joseph May]] (US) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021) == Character Voices == *[[Ringo Starr]] (UK/US) (Seasons 1–2) (1984–1986) *[[w:Michael Angelis|Michael Angelis]] (UK) (Seasons 3–16) (1991–2012) *[[George Carlin]] (US) (Seasons 1–4) (1984–1995) *[[Alec Baldwin]] (US) (Seasons 5–6) (1998–2002) *[[w:Michael Brandon|Michael Brandon]] (US) (Seasons 7–16) (2003–2012) *[[w:Pierce Brosnan|Pierce Brosnan]] (UK/US) (Season 12) (2008) *[[w:Mark Moraghan|Mark Moraghan]] (UK/US) (Seasons 17–21) (2013–2017) *[[w:John Hasler|John Hasler]] (UK) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021) *[[w:Joseph May|Joseph May]] (US) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021) == See also == *''[[Tugs]]'' *''[[Shining Time Station]]'' *''[[Salty's Lighthouse]]'' *''[[Thomas & Friends: All Engines Go]]'' *''[[Microsoft Train Simulator]]'' *''[[Rail Simulator]]'' *''[[Train Simulator Classic]]'' *''[[Train Sim World]]'' *''[[The Railway Series]]'' == External links == {{wikipedia|Thomas & Friends}} *{{imdb title | id=0086815 | title=Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends}} {{Thomas & Friends}} [[Category:UK children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:UK children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:PBS shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:UK children's animated TV shows]] [[Category:Thomas & Friends]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:Freeform shows]] [[Category:ITV shows]] [[Category:Cartoon Network shows]] [[Category:Nick Jr. shows]] 9su1z8o83azttxkxlltp11nfzdj9uko 3949315 3949290 2026-06-05T20:33:25Z ~2026-20710-68 3308056 3949315 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons''': The Model Series Eras: The Old Series Eras: The Clearwater Features Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 1|1]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 2|2]]}} The Britt Allcroft Company Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 3|3]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 4|4]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 5|5]]}} The Gullane Entertainment Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 6|6]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 7|7]]}} The New Series Era: The Old HIT Entertainment Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 8|8]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 9|9]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 10|10]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 11|11]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 12|12]]}} The CGI Series Eras: The Old CGI Series Era: The New HIT Entertainment Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 13|13]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 14|14]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 15|15]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 16|16]]}} The New CGI Series Era: The Andrew Brenner Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 17|17]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 18|18]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 19|19]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 20|20]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 21|21]]}} The Big World! Big Adventures! Era: {{small|[[Thomas & Friends/Season 22|22]] [[Thomas & Friends/Season 23|23]] 24}} ---- '''''Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends''''' (1984–1986, 1991-1992, 1994-1995, 1998, 2002-2021, otherwise referred to as '''''Thomas & Friends''''', '''''Thomas the Tank Engine''''' or '''''Thomas''''' for short) is a British [[w:Children's television series|children's television series]] based on the series of the British children's books referred to as ''[[The Railway Series]]''. The show was aimed at kindergarteners, and elementary school children, and from ages 4 to 8. ==Movies== * ''[[Thomas and the Magic Railroad]]'' (2000) * ''[[Calling All Engines!]]'' (2005) * ''[[The Great Discovery]]'' (2008) * ''[[Hero of the Rails]]'' (2009) * ''[[Thomas & Friends: Misty Island Rescue|Misty Island Rescue]]'' (2010) * ''[[Thomas & Friends: Day of the Diesels|Day of the Diesels]]'' (2024) * ''[[Blue Mountain Mystery]]'' (2025) * ''[[Thomas & Friends: King of the Railway|King of the Railway]] (2013) * ''[[Tale of the Brave]]'' (2014) * ''[[Thomas & Friends: The Adventure Begins|The Adventure Begins]]'' (2015) * ''[[Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure]]'' (2015) * ''[[The Great Race (Thomas)|The Great Race]]'' (2016) * ''[[Journey Beyond Sodor]]'' (2017) * ''[[Big World! Big Adventures!]]'' (2018) == Storytellers == *[[Ringo Starr]] (UK/US) (Seasons 1–2) (1984–1986) *[[w:Michael Angelis|Michael Angelis]] (UK) (Seasons 3–16) (1991–2012) *[[George Carlin]] (US) (Seasons 1–4) (1984–1995) *[[Alec Baldwin]] (US) (Seasons 5–6) (1998–2002) *[[w:Michael Brandon|Michael Brandon]] (US) (Seasons 7–16) (2003–2012) *[[w:Pierce Brosnan|Pierce Brosnan]] (UK/US) (Season 12) (2008) *[[w:Mark Moraghan|Mark Moraghan]] (UK/US) (Seasons 17–21) (2013–2017) *[[w:John Hasler|John Hasler]] (UK) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021) *[[w:Joseph May|Joseph May]] (US) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021) == Character Voices == *[[Ringo Starr]] (UK/US) (Seasons 1–2) (1984–1986) *[[w:Michael Angelis|Michael Angelis]] (UK) (Seasons 3–16) (1991–2012) *[[George Carlin]] (US) (Seasons 1–4) (1984–1995) *[[Alec Baldwin]] (US) (Seasons 5–6) (1998–2002) *[[w:Michael Brandon|Michael Brandon]] (US) (Seasons 7–16) (2003–2012) *[[w:Pierce Brosnan|Pierce Brosnan]] (UK/US) (Season 12) (2008) *[[w:Mark Moraghan|Mark Moraghan]] (UK/US) (Seasons 17–21) (2013–2017) *[[w:John Hasler|John Hasler]] (UK) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021) *[[w:Joseph May|Joseph May]] (US) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021) == See also == *''[[Tugs]]'' *''[[Shining Time Station]]'' *''[[Salty's Lighthouse]]'' *''[[Thomas & Friends: All Engines Go]]'' *''[[Microsoft Train Simulator]]'' *''[[Rail Simulator]]'' *''[[Train Simulator Classic]]'' *''[[Train Sim World]]'' *''[[The Railway Series]]'' == External links == {{wikipedia|Thomas & Friends}} *{{imdb title | id=0086815 | title=Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends}} {{Thomas & Friends}} [[Category:UK children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:UK children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:PBS shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:UK children's animated TV shows]] [[Category:Thomas & Friends]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:Freeform shows]] [[Category:ITV shows]] [[Category:Cartoon Network shows]] [[Category:Nick Jr. shows]] tuzv1jrskleg9v8oatj839o6cnas6cu 0 1652 3949259 3937770 2026-06-05T15:48:27Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949259 wikitext text/x-wiki {{Mergefrom|Good Night (The Simpsons)}} {{Italic title}} {{The Simpsons header}} [[File:The Simpsons yellow logo.svg|thumb|Title/logo]] '''''[[w:The Simpsons|The Simpsons]]''''' (1989–present) is an American adult animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company and created by [[Matt Groening]]. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the titular Simpson family. ==Seasons== {{col-begin}} {{col-2}} :Seasons 1-20 ::[[The Simpsons/Season 1|Season 1]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 2|Season 2]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 3|Season 3]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 4|Season 4]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 5|Season 5]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 6|Season 6]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 7|Season 7]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 8|Season 8]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 9|Season 9]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 10|Season 10]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 11|Season 11]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 12|Season 12]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 13|Season 13]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 14|Season 14]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 15|Season 15]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 16|Season 16]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 17|Season 17]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 18|Season 18]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 19|Season 19]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 20|Season 20]] {{col-2}} :Seasons 21-present ::[[The Simpsons/Season 21|Season 21]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 22|Season 22]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 23|Season 23]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 24|Season 24]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 25|Season 25]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 26|Season 26]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 27|Season 27]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 28|Season 28]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 29|Season 29]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 30|Season 30]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 31|Season 31]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 32|Season 32]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 33|Season 33]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 34|Season 34]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 35|Season 35]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 36|Season 36]] ::[[The Simpsons/Season 37|Season 37]] {{col-end}} ==Film== {{Main|The Simpsons Movie}} ==Voice cast== * [[w:Dan Castellaneta|Dan Castellaneta]] – Homer Simpson, Smitty, Grampa Simpson, Larry Darlymple, Barney Gumble, Gareth Prince, Mr. Winfield, Scratchy, Cowboy Bob, Krusty the Clown, Sideshow Bob, Charlie, Ugolin, Scott Christian, Arnie Pye, Mayor Quimby, Bill, Kodos Johnson, Captain Lance Murdock, Sideshow Mel, Blue-haired Lawyer, Artie Ziff, Hans Moleman, Groundskeeper Willie, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Mayor Quimby's body guards, Fallout Boy, Louie, Aristotle Amadopolis, Low Blow, Jack Marley, Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter, Gary, Rich Texan, Leopold, Freddy Quimby, Guy Imprecto, Martin Prince (Adult), Matt Groening, Lee Carallo, Jimmy the Scumbag, Poochie, Gil Gunderson, Leprechaun, Mojo the Monkey, Chirpy Boy, Bart Junior, Sad-looking Frenchman, Man in dinner jacket, British Raj man, Yes Guy, Señor Ding-Dong, Cornelius Chapman, Phony McRing-Ring, Frankie the Squealer, Intelligent Homer, Dennis Miller's Voice, Professor Huntington, Garth Motherloving, Jesus Christ, Don Castellaneta, Snowball V, Stuart, C.H.U.M., SpongeBob, Howell Huser, New England RV-er, Gravedigger Billy, Bighorn Sheep, Good-looking bachelor, Headmaster Greystash, Incest Spuckler, Goofy, Genie, Grizzly Shawn * [[Julie Kavner]] — Marge Simpson, Selma, Patty, Jacqueline Bouvier * [[Nancy Cartwright]] – Bart Simpson, Ralph, Jaffee Ziswhisky, Blond-haired boy with glasses, Rod Flanders, Todd, Richard, Buck-toothed boy, Itchy, Nina Skalka, Wanda, Nelson, Yellow weasel, Kearney Zzyzwicz, Jay Nahasapeemapetilon, Pahasatira Nahasappemapetilon, Brittany Brockman, Database, E-mail, Jimmy, Kearney Zzyzwicz, Jr., Pria Nahasappemapetilon, Sandeep Nahasappemapetilon, Jesus Christ, Ling Bouvier, Vicki, Crystal Meth Spuckler, Simon Woosterfield, Nancy Gladness * [[w:Yeardley Smith|Yeardley Smith]] – Lisa Simpson, Cecile Shapiro, Pahasatira Nahasapeemapetilon, Grandma Flanders, Maggie Simpson, Malibu Stacy, Lisa Jr., Jake Boyman, Angelica Button, Eliza Simpson, Herself, Lisa impersonating Malibu Stacy dolls * [[w:Hank Azaria|Hank Azaria]] - Moe, Sam, Gareth Prince, Chief Wiggum, Eddie, Lou, Old Jewish Man, Apu, Carl Carlson, Roger Meyers, Jr., Dr. Nick, Akira Kurosawa, Rainier Wolfcastle, Raphael, Drederick Tatum, Professor Frink, Comic Book Guy, Leon Kompowsky, Bob Arnold, "Just stamp the ticket" man, Legs, Fritz, Milford A. Alexander, Low Blow, Veterinarian, Kirk Van Houten, Ronald Reagan, Bumblebee Man, Sea Captain, Surly Duff, Gary Chalmers, Arthur Crandall, Gabbo, Doug, Gunter, Doctor Colossus, Cletus, Gerald Samson, Luigi Risotto, Annex administrator, Knightboat, Don Vittorio, Pet Store Man, Jericho, Julius Hibbert's oldest son, Disco Stu, Ian, Freak show manager, Pyro/Chase, Dr. Foster, Ranger, The Warden, Sandwich delivery guy, Mathemagican, Hippie, Frank Grimes, Duffman, Gun Salesman, Robby the Automaton, Nick Callahan, Mr. Costington, Larry the Bus Driver, Farmer, State Comptroller Atkins, Homer Simpson the Police Cop, Arthur Fortune, Chuck Garabedian, Southern colonel, Funzo, Mr. Sakamoto, Mr. Vanderbilt, Ak, Dr. Velimirovic, Tribal Chief, Devil, Johnny Tightlips, Cirque de Purée ringmaster, Funeral home salesman, Jeremy, L.T. Smash, Kitenge, Singing railroad hobo, Mesmerino, Geoff Jenkins, Mitch Hartwell, Jesus Christ, Frank Grimes, Jr., Dexter Colt, Mugger, Larry H. Lawyer, Jr., Stark Richdale, Julio Franco, Dr. Brentano, Roofi, Dave, Randall Curtis, Raoul, Nash Castor, Goose Gladwell, Johnny, Deion Overstreet, Alcatraaaz, Andre, The Commandant, Coach Krupt, Dr. Egoyan, Kavi, Marcus Le Marquez, The Grumple, Jack, Shadow Knight, Joe LaBoot, Norbert Van Houten, Steffan August, Chazz Busby, Royce Lumpkin, Alberto, Steve Mobbs, Vance Connor, Mr. Becker, Nat, The Parson * [[w:Harry Shearer|Harry Shearer]] - Principal Skinner, Dewey Largo, Smithers, Mr. Burns, Larry Dalrymple, Ned Flanders, Radioactive Man, J. Loren Pryor, Otto, Barry Mackleberry, Jasper Beardsley, Eddie, Lou, Dr. Marvin Monroe, Herman Hermann, Reverend Lovejoy, Kent Brockman, Jebediah Springfield, Lenny, Cesar, Judge Snyder, Kang Johnson, Dave Shutton, Dr. Hibbert, God, Rainier Wolfcastle, Harlan Dondelinger, George H. W. Bush, Legs, Louie, Woodrow, Sanjay Nahasappemapetilon, Derek Smalls, Surly Joe, Bill Clinton, Richard Nixon, Nigel, Benjamin, Robo Burns, Ernst, Nedward Flanders, Sr., Birch Barlow, Count Dracula, Booker T. Report, Glen, Caribbean outcast, Qtoktok, Jack Crowley, Geoff Jenkins, Jim Proudfoot, Jewish Walk of Fame curator, Steve, Frankie, Defonzo "Skinny" Palmer, Patrick Farrelly, Warrior statue, Geoffrey ===Recurring cast=== * [[w:Kimberly Brooks|Kimberly Brooks]] - Lewis Clark, Janey Powell * [[w:Daryl L. Coley|Daryl L. Coley]] - Bleeding Gums Murphy * [[w:Mo Collins|Mo Collins]] - Jimbo Jones * [[Grey DeLisle]] - Wendell Borton, Sherri and Terri, Martin, Gloria Prince, Malibu Stacy, Üter Zorker * [[w:Alex Désert|Alex Désert]] - Carl Carlson, Lou, Fausto * [[w:Chris Edgerly|Chris Edgerly]] - Todd, Santa Claus, Gareth Prince, Rod Flanders, Muk Mu, The Detonator, Fatberg * [[w:Marcia Mitzman Gaven|Marcia Mitzman Gaven]] - Helen Lovejoy, Maude Flanders, Elizabeth Hoover * [[w:Doris Grau|Doris Grau]] - Lunchlady Dora, Lurleen Lumpkin * [[w:Jo Ann Harris|Jo Ann Harris]] - Blond-haired boy with glasses, Richard, Martin, Black Weasel, Chuck Berger * [[w:Pamela Hayden|Pamela Hayden]] - Milhouse, Richard, Martin, Gloria Prince, Ethan, Becky Shorter, Black Weasel, Chuck Berger, Janey Powell, Rod Flanders, Dolph, Jimbo, Maude Flanders, Mona Simpson, JJ Hibbert, Fallout Boy, Lois Pennycandy, Pahasatira Nahasappemapetilon, Ruth Powers, Sarah Wiggum, Miss Springfield, Tattoo Annie, Malibu Stacy, Capri Flanders, Allison Taylor, Ham, Ashley Grant, Jerri Mackleberry, Fake Lisa Simpson, Young Milhouse, Patches, Jane, Amber Simpson, Nabendu Nahasappemapetilon, Poonam Nahasappemapetilon, Uma Nahasappemapetilon, Titania, Birthday Spuckler, Jitney Spuckler * [[w:Mario Jose|Mario Jose]] - Julio Franco * [[w:Dawnn Lewis|Dawnn Lewis]] - Bernice Hibbert, Opal, Children's Court Bailiff, Co-pilot, Pat O'Brien's waitress, Investigator Lenora Carter, Carlotta Carlson, Female Hotshot Lawyer, Upset Influencer, Stewardess, Female Firefighter, Naima, Pam * [[w:Jonathan Lipow (voice actor)|Jonathan Lipow]] - Wolverine, Axel, Prehistoric Animals * [[w:Eric Lopez (voice actor)|Eric Lopez]] - Bumblebee Man * [[w:Kelly MacLeod (voice actor)|Kelly MacLeod]] - Milhouse Van Houten * [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] - Lewis Clark, Wendell Borton, Brown-haired boy, Smithers, Sophie Jensen, Chuck Berger, Janey Powell, Ms. Albright, Dolph, Agnes Skinner, Mona Simpson, Bernice Hibbert, Julius Hibbert's daughter, JJ Hibbert, Mrs. Glick, Brunella Pommelhorst, Lunchlady Dora, Millicent, Kirk Van Houten, Pepi, Martha Quimby, Malibu Stacy, Allison Taylor, Cosine Tangent, Shelby, Brandine Spuckler, Evelyn Peters, Manjula Nahasappemapetilon, Belle, Cookie Kwan, Poor Violet, Spud, Crazy Cat Lady, Woman in wedding dress, Ginger Flanders, Mrs. Muntz, Sergeant Crew, OmniTouch representative, Rosie O'Donnell, Anoop Nahasappemapetilon, Ghett Nahasappemapetilon, Sashi Nahasappemapetilon, Mrs. Vanderbilt, Vicki Valentine, Greta Wolfcastle, Ronaldo, Annette, Audrey McConnell, Booberella, Cora, Esme Delacroix, Ms. Killebrew, Cameron, Katja, Gino Terwilliger, Opal, Michael, Paris Texan, Dubya Spuckler, Whitney Spuckler, Plopper, Medicine Woman, Dame Judith Underdunk, Betsy Bidwell, Mother Superior, Shauna Chalmers, Maya, Soccer Mom/Helicopter Parent, Inga, Hubert Wong, Kumiko Albertson, Laney Fontaine, Mrs. Risotto, Mrs. Gumble, Joseph Quimby III * [[w:Melanie Minichino (voice actor)|Melanie Minchino]] - Omelet Woman, Female Scammer, Segment Producer #3 * [[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] - Lewis Clark, Smitty, Bleeding Gums Murphy, Judge Snyder, Dr. Hibbert, JJ Hibbert, Mall Cop, Lady Gaga Express Conductor, Anger Watkins, Maxwell Flinch * [[w:Tony Rodriguez (voice actor)|Tony Rodriguez]] - Julio Franco * [[w:Maggie Roswell|Maggie Roswell]] - Richard, Sylvia Winfield, Helen Lovejoy, Princess Kashmir, Mary Bailey, Maude Flanders, Elizabeth Hoover, Mona Simpson, Luann Van Houten, Martha Quimby, Allison Taylor, Nana Sophie Mussolini, Shary Bobbins, Strawberry * [[w:Russi Taylor|Russi Taylor]] - Blond-haired boy with glasses, Lewis Clark, Martin Prince, Sydney Swift, Gloria Prince, Sheri Mackleberry, Terri Mackleberry, Wendell Borton, Julius Hibbert's daughter, Üter Zorker * [[w:Karl Wiedergott|Karl Wiedergott]] - Ned Flanders, Professor Frink, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, Huckleberry Hound, Michael Jackson, Muk Mu * [[w:Lona Williams|Lona Williams]] - Amber Dempsey * [[w:Jenny Yokobori|Jenny Yokobori]] - Kumiko Albertson, Abrams Lackey #2, Flor, Clarinet Girl, Mascot Convention Attendee, Truth-Anne, Mackenzie ===Special guest voices=== * [[Steve Allen]] - Bart Simpson * [[w:Utkarsh Ambudkar|Utkarsh Ambudkar]] - Jay Nahasappemapetilon * [[w:Gilliam Anderson|Gillian Anderson]] - Dana Scully * [[w:Ed Asner|Ed Asner]] - Lifeways Editor * [[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] - Sheriff * [[Alec Baldwin]] - Caleb Thorn * [[Anne Bancroft]] - Dr. Zweig * [[Drew Barrymore]] - Sophie Krustofski * [[Jack Black]] - Milo * [[w:Susan Blu|Susan Blu]] - Yellow weasel, Howie * [[Emily Blunt]] - Juliet Hobbes * [[w:Albert Brooks|Albert Brooks]] - Cowboy Bob, Jacques, Brad Goodman, Hank Scorpio, Tab Spangler * [[w:Jack Burns|Jack Burns]] - Edward Christian * [[w:Steve Buscemi|Steve Buscemi]] - Dwight David Diddlehopper * [[George Carlin]] - Munchie * [[Johnny Cash]] - Space Coyote * [[w:Kim Cattrall|Kim Cattrall]] - Chloe Talbot * [[w:Rosalie Chang|Rosalie Chang]] - Hubert Wong * [[Don Cheadle]] - Brother Faith * [[w:Glenn Close|Glenn Close]] - Mona Simpson * [[Stephen Colbert]] - Colby Kruse * [[w:Shawn Colvin|Shawn Colvin]] - Rachel Jordan * [[w:Simon Cowell|Simon Cowell]] - Henry * [[w:Beverly D'Angelo|Beverly D'Angelo]] - Lurleen Lumpkin * [[w:Willem Dafoe|Willem Dafoe]] - The Commandant * [[w:Rodney Dangerfield|Rodney Dangerfield]] - Larry Burns * [[Zooey Deschanel]] - Mary Spuckler * [[w:Danny DeVito|Danny DeVito]] - Herb Powell * [[w:Matt Dillon|Matt Dillon]] - Louie * [[Kirk Douglas]] - Chester J. Lampwick * [[w:David Duchovny|David Duchovny]] - Fox Mulder * [[w:Olympia Dukakis|Olympia Dukakis]] - Zelda * [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] - Colonel Leslie Hapablap * [[Harvey Fierstein]] - Karl * [[Jodie Foster]] - Maggie Simpson * [[Brendan Fraser]] - Brad * [[Neil Gaiman]] - Snowball II * [[Sarah Michelle Gellar]] - Gina Vendetti * [[Ricky Gervais]] - Charles Heathbar * [[w:Sara Gilbert|Sara Gilbert]] - Laura Powers * [[John Goodman]] - Meathook * [[w:Topher Grace|Topher Grace]] - Donny * [[Kelsey Grammer]] - Sideshow Bob * [[Kathy Griffin]] - Francine * [[Josh Groban]] - Professor Frink * [[Matt Groening]] - Maggie Simpson, Himself * [[w:Larry Hagman|Larry Hagman]] - Wallace Brady * [[Mark Hamill]] - Himself, Leavelle * [[Phil Hartman]] - Larry Darlymple, God, Lionel Hutz, Troy McClure, Moose, Cable Guy, Plato, Horst, Jimmy Apollo, Lyle Lanley, Tom, Charlton Heston, Bill Clinton, Evan Conover * [[Anne Hathaway]] - Jenny * [[w:Helen Hunt|Helen Hunt]] - Renee * [[Dustin Hoffman]] - Mr. Bergstorm * [[w:Jan Hooks|Jan Hooks]] - Manjula Nahasappemapetilon * [[Eric Idle]] - Declan Desmond * [[Michael Jackson]] - Leon Kompowsky * [[w:Joshua Jackson|Joshua Jackson]] - Jesse Grass * [[James Earl Jones]] - Maggie Simpson * [[w:Jane Kaczmarek|Jane Kaczmarek]] - Judge Constance Harm * [[w:Carol Kane|Carol Kane]] - Maggie Simpson * [[w:Stacy Keach|Stacy Keach]] - Howard K. Duff VIII * [[Michael Keaton]] - Jack Crowley * [[w:Lisa Kudrow|Lisa Kudrow]] - Alex Whitney * [[w:Maurice LaMarche|Maurice LaMarche]] - Toucan Sam, Orson Welles, Cap'n Crunch, Milo * [[Cloris Leachman]] - Alice Glick * [[w:Jane Leeves|Jane Leeves]] - Edwina * [[w:Jack Lemmon|Jack Lemmon]] - Frank Ormand * [[w:Kipp Lennon|Kipp Lennon]] - Leon Kompowsky * [[w:Delory Lindo|Delory Lindo]] - Gabriel * [[Lucy Liu]] - Madam Wu * [[w:Simi Liu|Simu Liu]] - Hubert Wong * [[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]] - Gloria * [[w:Jon Lovitz|Jon Lovitz]] - Artie Ziff, Professor Lombardo, Aristotle Amadopolis, Llewellyn Sinclair, Ms. Sinclair, Jay Sherman, Enrico Irritazio * [[w:Natasha Lyonne|Natasha Lyonne]] - Sophie Krustofski * [[w:John Mahoney|John Mahoney]] - Robert Terwilliger, Sr. * [[w:Joe Mantegna|Joe Mantegna]] - Fat Tony * [[w:Gary Marshall|Gary Marshall]] - Larry Kidkill * [[w:Penny Marshall|Penny Marshall]] - Ms. Botz * [[w:Andrea Martin|Andrea Martin]] - Apu's Mother * [[w:Steve Martin|Steve Martin]] - Ray Patterson * [[Jackie Mason]] - Hyman Krustofsky * [[w:Patrick McGoohan|Patrick McGoohan]] - Number 6 * [[w:Audrey Meadows|Audrey Meadows]] - Beatrice Simmons * [[w:Colm Meaney|Colm Meaney]] - Tom O'Flanagan * [[w:Mandy Moore|Mandy Moore]] - Tabitha Vixx * [[Martin Mull]] - Seth * [[Megan Mullally]] - Sarah Wiggum * [[w:Frankie Muniz|Frankie Muniz]] - Thelonious * [[Charles Napier]] - Grant Connor, The Warden, Officer Krackney * [[w:Liam Neeson|Liam Neeson]] - Father Sean * [[Sam Neill]] - Molloy * [[Richard Nixon]] - Himself * [[Edward Norton]] - Devon Bradley * [[w:Elliot Page|Elliot Page]] - Alaska Nebraska * [[Mandy Patinkin]] - Hugh St. John Parkfield * [[Michelle Pfeiffer]] - Mindy Simmons * [[w:Amy Poehler|Amy Poehler]] - Jenda * [[w:Jay Pharoah|Jay Pharoah]] - Drederick Tatum * [[w:David Hyde Pierce|David Hyde Pierce]] - Cecil Terwilliger * [[Natalie Portman]] - Darcy * [[w:Parker Posey|Parker Posey]] - Becky * [[w:Tom Poston|Tom Poston]] - Capital City Goofball * [[Tito Puente]] - Himself * [[w:Pamela Reed|Pamela Reed]] - Ruth Powers * [[w:Christina Ricci|Christina Ricci]] - Erin * [[w:Alex Rocco|Alex Rocco]] - Roger Meyers, Jr. * [[w:Ray Romano|Ray Romano]] - Ray Magini * [[w:Isabella Rossellini|Isabella Rossellini]] - Astrid Weller * [[w:Maya Rudolph|Maya Rudolph]] - Julia * [[w:Meg Ryan|Meg Ryan]] - Stacey Swanson * [[Winona Ryder]] - Allison Taylor * [[Susan Sarandon]] - Ballet teacher * [[w:Amy Sedaris|Amy Sedaris]] - Maggie Simpson * [[Martin Sheen]] - Sergeant Seymour Skinner * [[w:Sab Shimono|Sab Shimono]] - Mr. Sparkle * [[w:J.K. Simmons|J.K. Simmons]] - J. Jonah Jameson * [[w:Rod Steiger|Rod Steiger]] - Captain Tenille * [[Patrick Stewart]] - Number One * [[Ben Stiller]] - Garth Motherloving * [[Meryl Streep]] - Jessica Lovejoy * [[Donald Sutherland]] - Hollis Hurlbut * [[Kiefer Sutherland]] - Army Colonel, Jack Bauer * [[George Takei]] - Akira Kurosawa, Chinese Waiter * [[w:Kara Talve|Kara Talve]] - Bart Simpson * [[Elizabeth Taylor]] - Maggie Simpson * [[w:Ron Taylor|Ron Taylor]] - Bleeding Gums Murphy * [[w:Dave Thomas|Dave Thomas]] - Rex Banner * [[w:Jonathan Taylor Thomas|Jonathan Taylor Thomas]] - Luke Stetson * [[w:Scott Thompson|Scott Thompson]] - Grady Little * [[w:Lawrence Tierney|Lawrence Tierney]] - Don Brodka * [[w:Marisa Tomei|Marisa Tomei]] - Sara Sloane * [[Kathleen Turner]] - Stacy Lovell * [[Tracey Ullman]] - Sylvia Winfield, Emily Winthrop * [[w:Jim Varney|Jim Varney]] - Cooder * [[w:Marcia Wallace|Marcia Wallace]] - Edna Krabappel, Ms. Melon * [[John Waters]] - John * [[Dennis Weaver]] - Buck McCoy * [[w:Steve Weber|Steve Weber]] - Neil * [[Frank Welker]] - Snowball II, Santa’s Little Helper, The Hounds, Mr. Teeny, Laddie, Excutive Vice President Dog * [[Fred Willard]] - Wally Kogen * [[w:Paul Winfield|Paul Winfield]] - Lucius Sweet * [[w:Henry Winkler|Henry Winkler]] - Ramrod * [[Reese Witherspoon]] - Greta Wolfcastle * [[Michael York]] - Mason Fairbanks * [[w:Miriam Flynn|Miriam Flynn]] - Miss Barr * [[w:Sam McMurray|Sam McMurray]] - Gulliver Dark ==Related== *''[[Futurama]]'' *''[[Disenchantment]]'' ==External links== {{wikipedia}} * [http://www.simpsonsarchive.com/ The Simpsons Archive] [[w:The Simpsons Archive]] * {{imdb title|0096697|The Simpsons}} {{The Simpsons}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons, The}} [[Category:The Simpsons| ]] [[Category:FX shows]] [[Category:FXX shows]] [[Category:1980s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:1990s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:1980s American satirical TV shows]] [[Category:1990s American satirical TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American satirical TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American satirical TV shows]] [[Category:2020s American satirical TV shows]] [[Category:1980s American sitcoms]] [[Category:1990s American sitcoms]] [[Category:2000s American sitcoms]] [[Category:2010s American sitcoms]] [[Category:2020s American sitcoms]] [[Category:American animated sitcoms]] [[Category:American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Current shows]] [[Category:Fox animated TV shows]] [[Category:Fox sitcoms]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about dysfunctional families]] [[Category:Television shows featuring audio description]] [[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]] [[Category:Television series by Fox Television Animation]] tkpqgzhsbh1jmlvxto0fs0y89e325um 0 1658 3949251 3948979 2026-06-05T15:31:00Z ~2026-21905-50 3309465 /* Dialogue */ 3949251 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Shrek logo.jpg|thumb]] '''''[[w:Shrek|Shrek]]''''' is a [[w:2001 in film|2001 American]] [[w:animated film|animated film]] about an ogre who, in order to regain his swamp, travels along with a donkey in order to bring a princess to a scheming lord who wishes come King. :''Directed by [[w:Andrew Adamson|Andrew Adamson]] and [[Vicky Jenson]]. Written by [[w:Ted Elliott (screenwriter)|Ted Elliott]], [[w:Terry Rossio|Terry Rossio]], [[w:Joe Stillman|Joe Stillman]] and [[w:Roger S. H. Schulman|Roger S. H. Schulman]], based on the [[w:Shrek!|book of the same name]] by [[w:William Steig|William Steig]].'' :''Music by [[Harry Gregson-Williams]] and [[John Powell]].'' {{center|'''The greatest fairy tale never told.''' <small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} ==Shrek== * ''[whispers]'' This is the part where you run away. * No! I'm an ogre. You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." * What are you doing in my swamp?! ''[echoes]'' * All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? * It’s quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? * All right, you're going the right way for a smacked bottom. * Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here 'til Thursday. Try the veal! * You know what? Maybe there’s a good reason donkeys shouldn’t talk. * Okay, uh, ogres are like onions. * NO! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story! Bye-Bye! ''[whispers]'' See you later. * Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the...? * DONKEY, LOOK OUT! * Okay, you two! Head for the exit! I’ll take care of the dragon. '''RUN!!!''' ==Donkey== * This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles! * Wow! Let's do that again! * DRAAAGOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!! * ''[gets cornered by Dragon]'' Oh, what large teeth you have! ''[Dragon roars]'' I-I-I-I... * Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? * Princess, where are you? It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. * That’s what friends are for. * ''[atop the dragon after she swallows Farquaad]'' All right, nobody move! I've got a dragon and I'm not afraid to use it! I'm a donkey on the edge! ==Princess Fiona== * Hey, wait! What are you doing? * Stop it. Stop it, both of you! Y'know, you're just jealous that you could never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. * Yes. But, I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. ==Lord Maximus Farquaad== * ''[his first words]'' That's enough! He's ready to talk. * "Run, run, run as fast as you can! You can't catch me! I'm the Gingerbread Man!". * Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? * Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him! * ''[his last words; ???]'' And as for you my wife... ''['''Shrek''': *FIONA!*]'' ...I'll have you locked back in that tower, FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS! I AM KING! ''[Shrek whistles for Dragon.]'' I WILL HAVE ORDER! I WILL HAVE PERFECTION! I WILL HAVE-- ''[Dragon and Donkey enter the cathedral and Dragon eats Farquaad alive.]'' '''AAAH!!!''' Aah! ''['''Donkey''': ???]'' ==Others== * '''Peter Pan''': He can fly! * '''Big Bad Wolf''': What? * '''Thelonious''': Three! Pick number three, my lord! * '''Wrestling Fan''': The chair! Give him the chair! * '''Monsieur Hood''': Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy? ==Dialogue== :'''Shrek''': ''[first lines; narrates his storybook]'' Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love, and true love's first kiss. ''[laughs]'' Like that's ever gonna happen! What a load of... ''[toilet flushes]'' :''[Steve Harwell music playing a song [[w:All Star (song)|All Star]]]'' :'''Steve Harwell''': ''[singing]'' Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me / I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed / She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb / In the shape of an "L" on her forehead...| Well, the years start comin' and they don't stop comin' / Fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin' / Didn't make sense not to live for fun / Your brain gets smart, but your head gets dumb / So much to do, so much to see / So, what's wrong with taking the backstreets? / You'll never know if you don't go, go / You'll never shine if you don't glow...| Hey now, you're an all-star / Get your game on, go play / Hey now, you're a rock star / Get the show on, get paid / And all that glitters is gold / Only shootin' stars break the mold...| It's a cool place, and they say it gets colder / You're bundled up now, wait 'til you get older / But the meteor men beg to differ / Judging by the hole in the satellite picture / The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin / The water's gettin' warm, so you might as well swim / My world's on fire, how 'bout yours? / That's the way I like it, and I'll never get bored...| Hey now, you're an all-star / Get your game on, go play / Hey now, you're a rock star / Get the show on, get paid / All that glitters is gold / Only shootin' stars break the mold. :''[Shrek strikes a match and burps like a fire in the chimney]'' :'''Villagers''': Go! Go! :'''Voice''': Go for the moon / Go, go, go, go for the moon / Go, go, go, go for the moon / Go, go, go for the moon. :'''Steve Harwell''': ''[singing]'' Hey now, you're an all-star / Get your game on, go play / Hey now, you're a rock star / Get the show on, get paid / And all that glitters is gold / Only shooting stars...| Somebody once asked, "Could I spare some change for gas? / I need to get myself away from this place" / I said, "Yep, what a concept, I could use a little fuel myself / And we could all use a little change"...| Well, the years start comin' and they don't stop comin' / Fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin' / Didn't make sense not to live for fun / Your brain gets smart, but your head gets dumb / So much to do, so much to see / So, what's wrong with taking the backstreets? / You'll never know if you don't go, go! / You'll never shine if you don't glow...| Hey now, you're an all-star / Get your game on, go play / Hey now, you're a rock star / Get the show on, get paid / And all that glitters is gold / Only shootin' stars break the mold...| Only shootin' stars break the mold / Go for the moon / Go for the moon / Go for the moon / This is how we do it... ''[song fades]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Shrek follows Villagers. The angry mob stops. Warily they part the bushes in front of them and we see that they are right outside Shrek's house. One steps forward determinedly]'' :'''Villager''': ''[sotto]'' I think it's in there? :'''Villager Chris''': ''[sotto; intense]'' All right, '''LET'S GET IT!''' ''[Another villager looks alarmed and reaches out, grabbing the first and stopped him]'' :'''Villager James''': Whoa, hold on! Do you know what that thing could do to you? ''[A third villager pipes in]'' :'''Villager Mike''': ''[forboding]'' Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread. ''[The other villagers all stare at him bewildered]'' :'''Shrek''': ''[brightly, laughing]'' Yes. ''[exposes himself, villagers gasps]'' Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres... oh, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin! :'''Villagers''': No! :'''Shrek''': They'll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. :'''Villager James''': ''[waves his torches in front of Shrek]'' BACK! BACK, BEAST! BACK! I WARN YA! ''[Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch like a match; he smiles nervously]'' Right. ''[Shrek huge long roars. Simultaneously the villagers screws their eyes closed and screams for all they're worth. The villagers huge longest screams to kill. Their screams outlasts Shrek's roars and Shrek pounders them for a moments and villagers stops screams]'' :'''Shrek''': ''[whispers]'' This is the part, where you run away. ''[the villagers do so; laughs]'' And stay out! ''[looks down at a sign]'' "Wanted: Fairy tale creatures." ''[sighs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Guard #1''': All right. This one's full. Take it away! :'''Dwarfs''': He ho hi he, dwarf prisoners are we... He ho hi he, dwarf prisoners are we. :'''Guard #2''': Move it along. Come on! Get up! :'''Captain of the Guard''': ''[his first words]'' Next! ''[Guard grabs her broom]'' :'''Guard #2''': Give me that! Your flying days are over. :'''Captain of the Guard''': That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! :'''Man''': Get up! Come on! :'''Villager''': 20 pieces. ''[As the villager passes out]'' :'''Guard''': Sit down there! Keep quiet! :'''Baby Bear''': ''[sadly]'' This cage is too small. ''[Donkey turns around to the old lady holds his rope]'' :'''Donkey''': Please don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! :'''Old Lady''': [[w:Shout! Studios|Oh, shut up.]] :'''Donkey''': Oh! :'''Captain of the Guard''': Next! ''[Geppetto steps forward and Pinocchio down on the table]'' What have you got? :'''Geppetto''': This little wooden puppet. :'''Pinocchio''': I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy! ''[The puppet begins vibratin', and then nose shoots out to five times]'' :'''Captain of the Guard''': [[Toy Story|5 shillings for the possessed toy.]] [[The Lion King 1½|Take it away.]] :'''Pinocchio''': Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me! :'''Captain of the Guard''': Next! What've you got? ''[The old lady drags the stubborn Donkey up to the table]'' :'''Old Lady''': Well, I've got a talking donkey. :'''Captain of the Guard''': ''[looks up from his ledger]'' Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. ''[Donkey swallows hard and looks at the old lady. The old lady untied the rope on his Donkey]'' :'''Old Lady''': Oh, go ahead, little fella. ''[Donkey looks at the old lady, then to the Captain. The Captain looks back at Donkey, and lifts the eyebrow]'' :'''Captain of the Guard''': Well? ''[Donkey looks back at the Captain says nothing. The old lady to sweat]'' :'''Old Lady''': Oh, oh, he's just... He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt... :'''Captain of the Guard''': That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! :'''Old Lady''': ''[moves Donkey's lips]'' No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk! I'm the talkin'est damn thing you ever saw. :'''Captain of the Guard''': ''[annoyed]'' Get her outta my sight. ''[The guards advance on the old lady and takes her off screaming]'' :'''Old Lady''': No, no! I swear! ''[?]'' Oh! He can talk! ''[As she struggles, the old lady accidentally kicks the caged pixie from the boy's hand. The cage goes flying through the air. It lands on Donkey's head, exploding pixie dust all over him. Donkey shocked]'' :'''Donkey''': Hey, I can fly! :'''Peter Pan''': He can fly! :'''3 Pigs''': He can fly! :'''Captain of the Guard''': '''''He can talk?!''''' :'''Donkey''': Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a super fly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Uh-oh. ''[Donkey falls down on the ground]'' :'''Captain of the Guard''': Seize him! After him! He's getting away! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Shrek scares the guards off; Donkey is meeting Shrek, while following him.]'' :'''Donkey''': Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! :'''Shrek''': Are you talking to... ''[turns around and Donkey is gone]'' me? ''[turns back around, Donkey shows up]'' Whoa! :'''Donkey''': Yes, I was talking to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back there? Man those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up and bam! They was tripping over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. :'''Shrek''': ''[annoyed]'' That's great. Really. :'''Donkey''': Man, it's good to be free. :'''Shrek''': Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? ''[walks off]'' :'''Donkey''': But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. ''[catches up to Shrek]'' Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're a mean, green, fighting machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. ''[Shrek exhales while turning around and roars at him]'' Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me saying, if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some [[w:Tic Tac|Tic Tacs]] or something, 'cause your breath *stinks!* ''[As Shrek continues walking off, annoyed. He shows up from the tree branch, blocks Shrek's way.]'' Man, you almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time... ''[Shrek covers his mouth, but he is still talking in muffled, he removes his hand]'' ...then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day. :'''Shrek''': WHY...are you following me?! :'''Donkey''': I'll tell you why. ''[sings]'' 'Cause I'm all alone / There's no one here beside me / My problems have all gone / There's no one to deride me! / But ya gotta have friends! :'''Shrek''': ''[?]'' '''[[A Street Car Named Desire (1951 film)|STOP *SINGING!!!*]]''' ''[picks up Donkey by his ears and tail]'' Well, it's no wonder you don't have any friends. :'''Donkey''': Wow! Only a true friend would be that truly honest. :'''Shrek''': Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me, what am I? :'''Donkey''': Uh... ''[looks Shrek up and down]'' Really tall? :'''Shrek''': No! I'm an ogre! You know, "Grab your torch and pitchforks!" Doesn't that bother you? :'''Donkey''': ''[shakes his head happily]'' Nope. :'''Shrek''': ''[surprised]'' Really? :'''Donkey''': Really, really. :'''Shrek''': Oh. :'''Donkey''': Man, I like you. What's your name? :'''Shrek''': Uh... Shrek. ''[continues walking]'' :'''Donkey''': "Shrek"? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that. You all right. ''[he and Shrek finds his home]'' Woo, look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that? :'''Shrek''': That would be home. :'''Donkey''': And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know, you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. ''[looks at the rock nearby]'' I like that boulder. That is a ''nice'' boulder. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Donkey''': ''[eyes the KEEP OUT signs surrounding Shrek's home]'' I guess you don't, uh, entertain much, do you? :'''Shrek''': I like my privacy. :'''Donkey''': You know, I do too! That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give 'em a hint, they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence, you know... ''[silence ensues]'' ...Can I stay with you? :'''Shrek''': Uh, ''what?'' :'''Donkey''': Can I stay with you... please? :'''Shrek''': Of course! :'''Donkey''': Really? :'''Shrek''': No. :'''Donkey''': Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak! ''[slight pauses out; Shrek gives Donkey a look]'' Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together! You gotta let me stay! Please, please! :'''Shrek''': Okay! Okay. But one night only. :'''Donkey''': Ah, thank you! ''[Shrek opens his door, Donkey charges into the hovel]'' :'''Shrek''': Ah! What are you... No, no, no! :'''Donkey''': This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin', ''[pauses out for a few 2nds]'' I'm makin' waffles! :'''Shrek''': Ohh! :'''Donkey''': Where do, uh, I sleep? :'''Shrek''': ''Outside!'' :'''Donkey''': Oh, ah, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. ''[sniffs]'' Here I go. Gd'night. ''[sighs; Shrek slams the door shut]'' I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. Sit by myself, outside. ''[singing]'' I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me. ''[to Shrek moans in frustration and shushs at Donkey]'' Oh, sorry. ''[Donkey walks from outside, Shrek goes to the house]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At dinner]'' :'''Shrek''': I thought I told you to stay outside. :'''Donkey''': I am outside. ''[Shrek hears skittering. He spins to look and he whips around to see Three Blind Mice stumbling around on his dinner table]'' :'''Mouse #1''': Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? :'''Mouse #2''': Well, it's not home, but it'll do just fine. :''[Shrek starts toward the table. Mouse 3 walks up to Shrek's ear wax candle. Mouse 1 bounces on Shrek's squid]'' :'''Mouse #3''': What a lovely bed! :'''Shrek''': Gotcha! :'''Mouse #3''': I've found some cheese! :''[Mouse 3 takes a bite of the ear wax candle and spits it out]'' :'''Shrek''': Ow! :'''Mouse #3''': Blah! Awful stuff. :'''Mouse #2''': Is that you Gorder?! :'''Mouse #3''': How did you know? :'''Shrek''': Enough! What are you doing in my house? Hey! Oh, no, no, no, no! Get your off the table. <hr width="50%"/> :''[A masked man named Thelonious is torturing the Gingerbread Man. He's continually dunking him in a glass of milk. A prince named Lord Farquaad puts his gloves on and walks in]'' :'''Gingerbread Man''': ''[Off-screen]'' No! ''[makes mumbling noises when trying to talk in the milk]'' :'''Lord Farquaad''': ''[his first words]'' That's enough! He's ready to talk. ''[puts him down; Farquaad laughs, then signals for the table to lower]'' Run, run, run, as you fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man! :'''Gingerbread Man''': You're a monster. :'''Lord Farquaad''': I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others?! :'''Gingerbread Man''': Eat me! ''[spits at Farquaad]'' :'''Lord Farquaad''': ''[grunts]'' I've tried to be fair with you creatures, but now my patience has reached its end! Tell me, or I'll-- :''[Farquaad reaches to pull off one of Gingerbread Man's buttons]'' :'''Gingerbread Man''': No! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons! :'''Lord Farquaad''': All right, then, who's hiding them?! :'''Gingerbread Man''': Okay! I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? :'''Lord Farquaad''': The muffin man? :'''Gingerbread Man''': The muffin man. :'''Lord Farquaad''': Yes. I know the muffin man. Who-who lives on Drury Lane? :'''Gingerbread Man''': Well, she's married to the muffin man. :'''Lord Farquaad''': The muffin man?! :'''Gingerbread Man''': THE MUFFIN MAN! :'''Lord Farquaad''': She's married to the muffin man. :'''Captain of the Guard''': ''[his last words]'' My lord! We found it. :'''Lord Farquaad''': Well, then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. ''[Guards hang a shrouded figure from a chain. They pull the cover off, revealing an ornate, full-sized mirror. A terrified face appears in the mirror]'' :'''Gingerbread Man''': Ohhh... :'''Lord Farquaad''': Magic Mirror. :'''Gingerbread Man''': Don't tell him anything! ''[Farquaad drops him in the trash can]'' No! :'''Lord Farquaad''': Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? :'''Magic Mirror''': Well, technically, you're not a king. :'''Lord Farquaad''': Uh, Thelonious? ''[Thelonious the executioner smashes a small looking glass]'' You were saying? :'''Magic Mirror''': ''[nervous]'' What I mean is, you're not a king '''''yet!''''' But you can become one! All you have to do is marry a princess. :'''Lord Farquaad''': Go on. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Shrek and Donkey are now walking through the sunflower fields heading away from Duloc. Shrek is munching on an onion as he makes a mess in the fields]'' :'''Donkey''': Okay, so let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right? :'''Shrek''': You know, maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. :'''Donkey''': I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip. :'''Shrek''': Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? :'''Donkey''': Uh, no, not really, no. :'''Shrek''': For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think. :'''Donkey''': Example? :'''Shrek''': Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions. ''[he holds out his onion]'' :'''Donkey''': ''[sniffs the onion]'' They stink? :'''Shrek''': Yes - - No! :'''Donkey''': Or they make you cry? :'''Shrek''': No! :'''Donkey''': Oh, you leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. :'''Shrek''': No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. ''[he throws away the onion and walks off]'' :'''Donkey''': Oh, you both have layers. Oh. ''[sniffs]'' You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! ''[trailing after Shrek]'' Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. :'''Shrek''': I don't care... what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. ''[walks passed Donkey]'' :'''Donkey''': You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfaits"? Parfaits are delicious. :'''Shrek''': ''[yelling angrily; and losing patience]'' NO! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. ''[whispers]'' See you later. :'''Donkey''': Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. :'''Shrek''': You know, I think I preferred your humming. :'''Donkey''': Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait makes me start slobbering. :''[They head off. There is a montage of their journey. Walking through a field at sunset. Sleeping beneath a bright moon. Shrek burns his foot trying to stomp out the campfire, so Donkey urinates on the fire to put it out. They arrive at the outskirts of a giant volcano and begin to make their way up]'' :'''Donkey''': ''[sniffs]'' Whew! Shrek! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything. :'''Shrek''': Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. (sniffs) It's brimstone. We must be getting close. :'''Donkey''': Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither. :''[They reach the top of the climb and hoist themselves up and over the ridge] :''[Shrek and Donkey gaze out into the crater. The Dragon's Keep towered before them, a dilapidated castle, burned and blackened. Perched on a rock pinnacle, it was surrounded by a terrifying lake of molten lava. A single light shines in the window of the tallest tower. Dark clouds block out the blue sky above them. Thunder strikes and crows circling the castle can be heard.]'' :'''Shrek''': Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. ''[laughs]'' :''[Shrek jumps over and approaches the bridge, with Donkey joining in behind him]'' :'''Donkey''': ''[chuckles along nervously]'' Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said that ogres have layers? :'''Shrek''': Oh, aye. :'''Donkey''': Well, I have a bit of a confession to make (gasps, seeing the skeleton of a horse). Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. :'''Shrek''': Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. :'''Donkey''': You know what I mean. :'''Shrek''': Oh, you can't tell me you're afraid of heights. :'''Donkey''': No, I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling lake of lava! :'''Shrek''': Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support. We'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. :'''Donkey''': Really? :'''Shrek''': Really, really. :'''Donkey''': Okay, that makes me feel so much better. :'''Shrek''': Just keep moving. And don't look down. :'''Donkey''': ''[nervously to himself]'' Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. :''[Donkey accidentally steps through a rotting board, which falls down into the fiery lava below]'' :'''Donkey''': Shrek! I'm lookin' down! ''[screams]'' Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! :'''Shrek''': But you're already halfway. :'''Donkey''': But I know that half is safe! :'''Shrek''': Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. :''[Shrek tries to press on while Donkey tries to make his way back under Shrek]'' :'''Donkey''': Shrek, no! Wait! :'''Shrek''': Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall we? ''[bounces and sways the bridge]'' :'''Donkey''': Don't do that! :'''Shrek''': Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this? ''[bounces the bridge again]'' :'''Donkey''': Yes, that! :'''Shrek''': Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. ''[continues to bounce and sway as he backs Donkey across the bridge]'' :'''Donkey''': No, Shrek! No! Stop it! :'''Shrek''': You said do it! I'm doing it. :'''Donkey''': I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. ''[steps onto solid ground]'' Oh! :'''Shrek''': That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. ''[walks toward the castle]'' :'''Donkey''': Cool. So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? :'''Shrek''': Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. ''[chuckles]'' :'''Donkey''': I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. :''[The pair start making their way through the hallways of the dragon's dark and spooky keep. Shrek is wary, while Donkey is downright terrified. Only an occasional torch lights the way. The passages are littered with bones, armor, and weapons, presumably belonging to the remains of unsuccessful knights who tried to rescue the princess.]'' :'''Donkey''': ''[whispers nervously]'' You afraid? :'''Shrek''': No. But.... ''[shushes Donkey in the fear of awakening the dragon]'' :'''Donkey''': ''[sighs]'' Oh, good. Me neither. ''[gets spooked and gasps]'' 'Cause there's nothing wrong with being afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire. It sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. :''[Donkey crashes into a pile of knight remains, knocking over a skeleton whose helmet lands on Donkey's head. The skeleton head falls off and Donkey gasps]'' :'''Shrek''': Donkey, 2 things, okay? Shut. Up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs (grabs the helmet and puts it on) :'''Donkey''': Stairs? I thought we was looking for the princess. :'''Shrek''': ''[picking up pieces of armor]'' The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. :'''Donkey''': What makes you think she'll be there? :'''Shrek''': I read it in a book once. ''[walks off]'' :'''Donkey''': Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're going. :''[Shrek, now disguised as a knight in shining armor walks off further into the castle. Donkey wanders off in the opposite direction, still talking to himself, and pushes his way through a giant set of doors]'' :'''Donkey''': I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it. :''[Behind a broken wall, a giant eye opens to see an unaware Donkey. Elsewhere, Shrek spots a light in the window of a tower]'' :'''Shrek''': Well, at least we know where the princess is. But where's the- :'''Donkey''': '''''DRAGON!!!!!!''''' :''[Donkey screams and takes off running, narrowly dodging the dragon's fiery breath. The dragon chases after Donkey, stomping on the pile of knight remains in her way. Shrek turns around to see Donkey barreling toward him with the dragon close behind him]'' :'''Shrek''': Donkey, look out! AAH! :''[Shrek manages to grab Donkey out of the way just as the dragon breathes another fireball. Donkey drops to the floor to avoid another fireball, which manages to singe the tuft of his tail. The dragon is just about to eat Donkey when Shrek grabs hold of her tail]'' :'''Shrek''': Got ya! :''[The dragon begins to swing her tail back and forth with Shrek still holding on, then launches him into the air. Shrek crashes through the roof of the tallest tower and into Fiona's room. Fiona wakes up and looks at him lying on the floor, unconscious. The dragon now focuses her attention on Donkey, breathing fire at him and forcing him onto a stone bridge. The dragon knocks down portions of the bridge until Donkey is left staying on a lone pillar]'' :'''Donkey''': No. Oh, no, No! ''[the dragon growls]'' Oh, what large teeth you have! ''[the dragon roars]'' I mean white, sparkling teeth! :''[The dragon pauses, looks at him inquisitively, and then smiles. Donkey might just flatter his way out of becoming dragon food) :'''Donkey''': I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? :''[The dragon appears to be flattered by Donkey's compliments]'' :'''Donkey''': And you know what else? You know what else? You're-- You're-- :''[The dragon leans forward and gazes at Donkey, revealing its long eyelashes and lipsticked mouth. Suddenly it was all clear to Donkey]'' :'''Donkey''': --a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. ''[The dragon flutters her eyes at him]'' What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? :''[Dragon blows a heart-shaped smoke ring at Donkey]'' :'''Donkey''': Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh... ''[coughs]'' I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings and stuff. Shrek! ''[Dragon picks him up by the tail in her mouth and happily carries him off]'' No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! ''[Shrek groans as he regains consciousness. His back is to a Princess Fiona, laying upright on the bed near the window. Though a bit startled, she is ecstatic to see her knight-in-shining armor. She straightens her dress, lays back down, and then quickly reaches over for a bouquet of flowers off the side table. She lies back down and pretends to be asleep, clutching the bouquet to her breast. Shrek turns, takes note of the princess and walks across the room over to her. He bends down over to Fiona and she puckers her lips. Shrek takes her by the shoulders and forcefully shakes her]'' :'''Princess Fiona''': Wha...Wha... :'''Shrek''': Wake up! :'''Princess Fiona''': What?! :'''Shrek''': Are you Princess Fiona? :'''Princess Fiona''': I am... ''[smiling]'' awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. :'''Shrek''': Ah, that's nice. Now let's go! :''[Shrek turns to leave and Fiona quickly sits upright]'' :'''Princess Fiona''': But wait, Sir Knight! This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? ''[she tosses the bouquet and lays back down, swooning]'' :'''Shrek''': Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. ''[Shrek walks back, yanks Fiona's arm. and hauls her out of bed and toward the door]'' :'''Princess Fiona''': Hey, wait. What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. ''[Shrek yanks on the door handle only for it to snap off]'' :'''Shrek''': You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? :'''Princess Fiona''': Mm-hmm. ''[screams as Shrek suddenly smashes the door down with his shoulder, still holding onto her arm. He rushes down the tower's staircase in tow and grabs a torch]'' But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. ''[Shrek and Fiona cross the bridge connecting the tallest tower to the rest of the castle]'' :'''Princess Fiona''': A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! ''[Fiona pulls her arm from Shrek's grip. They stop for a moment as Shrek figures out which direction to go]'' :'''Shrek''': I don't think so. :'''Princess Fiona''': Well, can I at least know the name of my champion? :'''Shrek''': Uh, Shrek. :'''Princess Fiona''': Sir Shrek. ''[she smiles, clears her throat, and holds out a handkerchief]'' I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. :'''Shrek''': Thanks! ''[Shrek regards the handkerchief curiously and wipes his sooty face with it, blackening it. He hands it back to an appalled Fiona, but before she can react, they are startled by the dragon's roar as she drops it to the floor]'' :'''Princess Fiona''': You didn't slay the dragon?! :'''Shrek''': It's on my to-do list, now come on! ''[Shrek grabs Fiona once again and takes off running toward the direction of the dragon's roar]' :'''Princess Fiona''': But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did! :'''Shrek''': Yeah, right before they burst into flames! :''[He gestures at the skeleton of a knight laying against the wall, a charred outline of a man burned into the stone behind it]'' :'''Princess Fiona''': That's not the point! Ugh! :''[Fiona pulls her arm free from Shrek and stops running. Shrek pauses to look around and heads for a set of wooden doors]'' :'''Princess Fiona''': Wait, where are you going? The exit's over there! :''[she points her arm to her left and Shrek turns around]'' :'''Shrek''': Well, I have to save my ass. :'''Princess Fiona''': What kind of knight are you? :'''Shrek''': One of a kind. :''[Shrek quietly pushes open the doors, stepping out onto a balcony of large spacious room. In the center of the room, Dragon has Donkey wrapped up on her tail. Dragon sits on a floor littered with a horde of gold coins and jewels]'' :'''Donkey''': Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. Look I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just, just call me old-fashioned. I don't want to rush into a... a physical relationship. I'm not...not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this, uh - - "magnitude" really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude. :''[Dragon gently caresses Donkey with a single claw]'' :'''Donkey''': Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? :''[Dragon looks up at the chandelier hanging above them and gently lights its candles with her fire breath]'' :'''Donkey''': Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. I mean we really should get to know each other first, you know, as friends or maybe even pen pals. Y'know cause I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards to read -- :''[Shrek jumps off the balcony, grabbing a chain connected to the chandelier. The chain does not hang low enough for him to be able to grab Donkey and sends him swinging over Dragon. The chain swings back and ends up dangling him above her]'' :'''Donkey''': Oh y'know I'd, I'd really love to stay, but -- :''[Dragon tugs at Donkey's tail with her mouth]'' :'''Donkey''': Hey. hey don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission to-- hey! What are you gonna do with that? :''[Dragon purses her lips and gets ready to kiss Donkey. Shrek looks up and spots that the chain is jammed above him. He starts shaking it to try and relapse it from the pulley. Suddenly the pulley comes loose and Shrek starts falling]'' :'''Donkey''': Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! :''[Shrek lands on Donkey and bumps him out of Dragon's grasp just as she is about to kiss him, and now instead kisses Shrek's butt. She opens her eyes and roars. Shrek lets go of the chain and the chandelier falls onto her head, which acts as a collar around her neck. She roars again and Shrek and Donkey take off running. They dodge a blast of fire from Dragon. Shrek grabs Donkey in one arm and then grabs Princess Fiona, who has wandered into the room, with the other arm as he runs past her.]'' :'''Donkey''': Hi, Princess! :'''Princess Fiona''': It talks! :'''Shrek''': Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. :''[They all gasp as Shrek suddenly stops, having reached the end of the balcony Shrek spots a fallen column that has formed a sort of slide. He jumps on it just as Dragon tries to bite them and slides down it. Unfortunately, there is a crack in the stone, which hits Shrek right in the crotch. His eyes cross and as he reaches the bottom of the slide, he groans and stumbles off. Dragon chases after them, the chain of the chandelier still unraveling. They are chased by Dragon through a large hall, her chain looping itself around multiple stone pillars as Shrek zigzags around them. Dragon ends up in front of them and breathes fire. Shrek dodges the fire and runs away, leaping over several rows of chains. He comes to a halt]'' :'''Shrek''': Okay, you 2, head for the exit! ''[setting down Donkey and Fiona]'' I'll take care of the dragon. :''[Shrek grabs a sword lodged in the floor and sticks it through a link in the chain and deep into the floor. Shrek catches up with Donkey and Fiona, who are waiting near the exit]'' :'''Shrek''': Run! :''[They sprint as fast as they can out of the castle and onto the rickety bridge as Dragon breathes a huge fireball behind them. As they reach the middle of the bridge, the fire burns the bridge, which snaps in half. They hang onto the bridge as they are swung to the other side. Donkey, unable to grab on, falls off, but Shrek catches him by the leg. Fiona screams in horror as Dragon flies over the boiling lava to get them. Suddenly, the chandelier pulls Dragon back, the sword having lodged itself into a stone column and getting the chain stuck. The group quickly climbs up to safety. Dragon lets out a defeated roar, then gives a sad whimper]'' ==''Shrek in the Swamp Karaoke Dance Party''== :'''Shrek''': Hi everybody, and welcome to the Shrek in the Swamp Karaoke Dance Party. ''[turns on the radio]'' I'm gonna take things down a little bit with one of my personal favorites. ==See also== * ''[[Shrek 2]]'' * ''[[Shrek the Third|Shrek 3]]'' * ''[[Shrek Forever After|Shrek 4]]'' * ''[[Puss in Boots (2011 film)|Puss in Boots]]'' * ''[[Puss in Boots: The Last Wish|Puss in Boots 2]]'' * ''[[w:Shrek (franchise)|Shrek 5]]'' * ''[[w:Shrek (franchise)|Donkey]]'' * ''[[w:Shrek (franchise)|Puss in Boots 3]]'' ==Taglines== * The greatest fairy tale never told. * The Prince isn't charming. The Princess isn't sleeping. The sidekick isn't helping. The ogre is the hero. Fairy tales will never be the same again. ==Voice Cast== * '''[[w:Mike Myers|Mike Myers]]''' — [[w:Shrek (character)|Shrek]], Blind Mouse #2 * '''[[Eddie Murphy]]''' — [[w:Donkey (Shrek)|Donkey]] * '''[[Cameron Diaz]]''' — [[w:Princess Fiona|Princess Fiona]] * '''[[w:John Lithgow|John Lithgow]]''' — [[w:Lord Farquaad|Lord Farquaad]] * '''[[w:Vincent Cassel|Vincent Cassel]]''' — Monsieur Robin Hood * '''[[w:Peter Dennis|Peter Dennis]]'''<br>'''Clive Pearse''' — Ogre Hunters * '''[[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]]''' — Captain of the Guards * '''Bobby Block''' — Baby Bear * '''[[w:Chris Miller (animator)|Chris Miller]]''' — Geppetto, Magic Mirror * '''[[w:Cody Cameron|Cody Cameron]]''' — Pinocchio, Three Little Pigs * '''[[w:Kathleen Freeman|Kathleen Freeman]]''' — Old Woman * '''Michael Galasso''' — Peter Pan * '''[[w:Christopher Knights|Christopher Knights]]''' — Blind Mouse #1, Thelonious * '''[[w:Simon J. Smith|Simon J. Smith]]''' — Blind Mouse #3 * '''[[w:Conrad Vernon|Conrad Vernon]]''' — Gingerbread "Gingy" Man * '''Jacquie Barnbrook''' — Wrestling Fan * '''Guillaume Aretos'''<br>'''John Bisom'''<br>'''Matthew Gonder'''<br>'''Calvin Remsberg'''<br>'''[[w:Jean-Paul Vignon|Jean-Paul Vignon]]''' — Merry Men * '''[[w:Val Bettin|Val Bettin]]''' — Bishop * '''[[w:Aron Warner|Aron Warner]]''' — Big Bad Wolf (''uncredited'') * '''[[Frank Welker]]''' — [[w:Dragon (Shrek)|Dragon]] (''uncredited'') * '''[[w:Andrew Adamson|Andrew Adamson]]''' — Duloc Mascot, Ogre Hunter (''uncredited'') * '''Sim Evan-Jones''' — Ogre Hunter (''uncredited'') * '''[[w:Elisa Gabrielli|Elisa Gabrielli]]''' — Additional Voices (''uncredited'') ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0126029|title=Shrek}} {{Shrek}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2001 animated films]] [[Category:2001 American animated films]] [[Category:American films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:Films based on novels]] [[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]] [[Category:Shrek]] [[Category:United States National Film Registry films]] [[Category:Films about royalty]] [[Category:Animated films set in castles]] [[Category:Films set in the Middle Ages]] [[Category:Animated films about dragons]] [[Category:Animated buddy films]] [[Category:Films about witchcraft]] [[Category:2000s English-language films]] qzpjl0kc2swhy5io1icwv7xr5whd8z2 0 1688 3949258 3911370 2026-06-05T15:46:37Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949258 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Futurama/Season 1|1]] [[Futurama/Season 2|2]] [[Futurama/Season 3|3]] [[Futurama/Season 4|4]] [[Futurama/Season 5|5]] [[Futurama/Season 6|6]] [[Futurama/Season 7|7]] [[Futurama/Season 8|8]] [[Futurama/Season 9|9]] [[Futurama/Season 10|10]] | [[Futurama|Main]] ---- '''''[[wikipedia:Futurama|Futurama]]''''' (1999–present) is an American adult animated sitcom created by [[Matt Groening]] and David X. Cohen. Set in the year 3000, a 20th century human who was frozen in the year 1999 awakes to find himself in the future, where he finds new friends who are coworkers at the Planet Express delivery company. ==Seasons== ::[[Futurama/Season 1|Season 1]] ::[[Futurama/Season 2|Season 2]] ::[[Futurama/Season 3|Season 3]] ::[[Futurama/Season 4|Season 4]] ::[[Futurama/Season 5|Season 5]] ::[[Futurama/Season 6|Season 6]] ::[[Futurama/Season 7|Season 7]] ::[[Futurama/Season 8|Season 8]] ::[[Futurama/Season 9|Season 9]] ::[[Futurama/Season 10|Season 10]] ==Cast== : '''Main Cast''' * Billy West: Philip J. Fry, Smitty, [[Richard Nixon]]’s Head, Professor Farnsworth, Dr. Zoidberg, Zapp Brannigan, Leo Wong ''(seasons 1-7)'', Judge Whitey, various * Katey Sagal: Turanga Leela, various * [[John DiMaggio]]: Bender, Officer URL ''(seasons 1-7)'', Sal, Randy Munchnik, Igner, Elzar, Flexo, Barbados Slim ''(seasons 4-7)'', Joey Mousepad, various * Tress MacNeille: Hattie McDoogal, Mom, Linda, Ndnd, Tinny Tim, Petunia, Turanga Munda, various * Maurice LaMarche: Horrible Gelatinous Blob, Calculon, Kif Kroker, Morbo, Lrrr, Hyper-Chicken, Donbot, Clamps, Hedonismbot, Scoop Chang ''(seasons 5-7)'', various * [[Lauren Tom]]: Amy Wong, Inez Wong, various * [[Phil LaMarr]]: Hermes Conrad, Preacherbot, Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, various * David Herman: Larry, Dr. Wernstrom, Mayor Poopenmeyer, Scruffy, Turanga Morris, various : '''Supporting Cast''' * Feodor Chin: Leo Wong, Scoop Chang ''(seasons 8-present)'' * Nicole St. John: Sally, various * [[Tom Kenny]]: Yancy Fry Jr., Abner Doubledeal, various * Dawnn Lewis: LaBarbara Conrad, various * Kevin Michael Richardson: Officer URL, Barbados Slim, various ''(seasons 8-present)'' * Bumper Robinson: Dwight Conrad * Kath Soucie: Cubert Farnsworth, Albert, various * [[Frank Welker]]: Nibbler, various animals and aliens : '''Recurring Guests''' * Dan Castellaneta: Robot Devil, various * [[Coolio]]: Kwanzaa-bot * [[Al Gore]]: Himself * Phil Hendrie: Waterfall in various * [[Leonard Nimoy]]: Himself * [[George Takei]]: Himself ==Related== *''[[The Simpsons]]'' *''[[Disenchantment]]'' == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0149460|title=Futurama}} * [https://twitter.com/QuotesFuturama Futurama Quotes on Twitter] [[Category:Futurama]] [[Category:American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:1990s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated TV spin-offs]] [[Category:Current shows]] csui7uc8jkcnzvkosz3pgkfxmx98zys 4 4250 3949176 3948821 2026-06-05T12:49:48Z MathXplore 3050778 /* New report 2026-06-5, 12:47 */ new topic ([[mw:c:Special:MyLanguage/User:JWBTH/CD|CD]]) 3949176 wikitext text/x-wiki {{/header}} {{User:MABot/config |archive = Wikiquote:Vandalism in progress/Archive/%(counter)d |algo = old(10d) |counter = 16 |maxarchivesize = 300K |minthreadsleft = 2 |archiveheader = 1 |minthreadstoarchive = 1 }} <!-- Please add a new report below this line, thanks! --> == New report 2026-05-29, 14:37 == * {{Vandal|Mpyfdh zsitrp}} Long-term abuse. [[:m:User:علاء/case2#Mohamed_AlAgha]] ([[Special:CentralAuth/Télévision_Française]], [[Special:CentralAuth/Would_build]]). Recreated [[Abdelnasser Abdelfattah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:39, 29 May 2026 (UTC) :{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (<span style="color:grey">ko'''a'''<span style="color:black">v</span>f</span>)]]<span style="color:red">❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯</span> 15:02, 29 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-05-29, 14:39 == * {{Vandal|Need Reqer}} Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:40, 29 May 2026 (UTC) :{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (<span style="color:grey">ko'''a'''<span style="color:black">v</span>f</span>)]]<span style="color:red">❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯</span> 15:02, 29 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-05-30, 10:28 == * {{Vandal|Alive5Official}} [[Wikiquote:Username_policy#Inappropriate_usernames]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:08, 30 May 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 14:52, 30 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-2, 17:04 == * {{Vandal|~2026-32675-17}} Butchered the [[Spanish colonization of the Americas]] page, looks like vandalism. . [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 17:30, 2 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 19:28, 2 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 == * {{Vandal|UNIX-QUANTUM-NETWORKS}} Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:37, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:41, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 == * {{Vandal|Pathanbd69}} Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:39, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}, and the recent page was deleted. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:44, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:44 == * {{Vandal|~2026-32979-36}} cross-wiki abuse ([[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Truthfindervert]], Edit summary similarity + same target ([[Jat people]], [[:w:simple:Jats]], [[:w:Jats]])). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:45, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 17:48, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-5, 12:47 == * {{Vandal|Profabdelfatah}} Removed CSD tag at [[DGStory]] (no quotes), [[:w:WP:AB]] at [[Hussein Abdelfatah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:49, 5 June 2026 (UTC) lozsn3n0u3la32g15nsfsf3yyu92n8q 3949293 3949176 2026-06-05T18:01:37Z Codename Noreste 3154048 /* New report 2026-06-5, 12:47 */ reply: Globally locked by Alaa. (-) ([[mw:c:Special:MyLanguage/User:JWBTH/CD|CD]]) 3949293 wikitext text/x-wiki {{/header}} {{User:MABot/config |archive = Wikiquote:Vandalism in progress/Archive/%(counter)d |algo = old(10d) |counter = 16 |maxarchivesize = 300K |minthreadsleft = 2 |archiveheader = 1 |minthreadstoarchive = 1 }} <!-- Please add a new report below this line, thanks! --> == New report 2026-05-29, 14:37 == * {{Vandal|Mpyfdh zsitrp}} Long-term abuse. [[:m:User:علاء/case2#Mohamed_AlAgha]] ([[Special:CentralAuth/Télévision_Française]], [[Special:CentralAuth/Would_build]]). Recreated [[Abdelnasser Abdelfattah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:39, 29 May 2026 (UTC) :{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (<span style="color:grey">ko'''a'''<span style="color:black">v</span>f</span>)]]<span style="color:red">❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯</span> 15:02, 29 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-05-29, 14:39 == * {{Vandal|Need Reqer}} Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:40, 29 May 2026 (UTC) :{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (<span style="color:grey">ko'''a'''<span style="color:black">v</span>f</span>)]]<span style="color:red">❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯</span> 15:02, 29 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-05-30, 10:28 == * {{Vandal|Alive5Official}} [[Wikiquote:Username_policy#Inappropriate_usernames]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:08, 30 May 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 14:52, 30 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-2, 17:04 == * {{Vandal|~2026-32675-17}} Butchered the [[Spanish colonization of the Americas]] page, looks like vandalism. . [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 17:30, 2 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 19:28, 2 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 == * {{Vandal|UNIX-QUANTUM-NETWORKS}} Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:37, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:41, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 == * {{Vandal|Pathanbd69}} Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:39, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}, and the recent page was deleted. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:44, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:44 == * {{Vandal|~2026-32979-36}} cross-wiki abuse ([[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Truthfindervert]], Edit summary similarity + same target ([[Jat people]], [[:w:simple:Jats]], [[:w:Jats]])). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:45, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 17:48, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-5, 12:47 == * {{Vandal|Profabdelfatah}} Removed CSD tag at [[DGStory]] (no quotes), [[:w:WP:AB]] at [[Hussein Abdelfatah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:49, 5 June 2026 (UTC) : Globally locked by Alaa. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 18:01, 5 June 2026 (UTC) 7u4b71qd1641eg639q720bqzxkortqn 3949401 3949293 2026-06-06T03:19:49Z 03isrflo62410 1485946 /* New report 2026-06-6, 03:13 */ new section 3949401 wikitext text/x-wiki {{/header}} {{User:MABot/config |archive = Wikiquote:Vandalism in progress/Archive/%(counter)d |algo = old(10d) |counter = 16 |maxarchivesize = 300K |minthreadsleft = 2 |archiveheader = 1 |minthreadstoarchive = 1 }} <!-- Please add a new report below this line, thanks! --> == New report 2026-05-29, 14:37 == * {{Vandal|Mpyfdh zsitrp}} Long-term abuse. [[:m:User:علاء/case2#Mohamed_AlAgha]] ([[Special:CentralAuth/Télévision_Française]], [[Special:CentralAuth/Would_build]]). Recreated [[Abdelnasser Abdelfattah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:39, 29 May 2026 (UTC) :{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (<span style="color:grey">ko'''a'''<span style="color:black">v</span>f</span>)]]<span style="color:red">❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯</span> 15:02, 29 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-05-29, 14:39 == * {{Vandal|Need Reqer}} Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:40, 29 May 2026 (UTC) :{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (<span style="color:grey">ko'''a'''<span style="color:black">v</span>f</span>)]]<span style="color:red">❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯</span> 15:02, 29 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-05-30, 10:28 == * {{Vandal|Alive5Official}} [[Wikiquote:Username_policy#Inappropriate_usernames]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:08, 30 May 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 14:52, 30 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-2, 17:04 == * {{Vandal|~2026-32675-17}} Butchered the [[Spanish colonization of the Americas]] page, looks like vandalism. . [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 17:30, 2 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 19:28, 2 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 == * {{Vandal|UNIX-QUANTUM-NETWORKS}} Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:37, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:41, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 == * {{Vandal|Pathanbd69}} Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:39, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}, and the recent page was deleted. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:44, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:44 == * {{Vandal|~2026-32979-36}} cross-wiki abuse ([[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Truthfindervert]], Edit summary similarity + same target ([[Jat people]], [[:w:simple:Jats]], [[:w:Jats]])). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:45, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 17:48, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-5, 12:47 == * {{Vandal|Profabdelfatah}} Removed CSD tag at [[DGStory]] (no quotes), [[:w:WP:AB]] at [[Hussein Abdelfatah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:49, 5 June 2026 (UTC) : Globally locked by Alaa. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 18:01, 5 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-6, 03:13 == * {{Vandal|Rap_Goddess0}} Sole page created is obviously promotional content. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 03:19, 6 June 2026 (UTC) es0ioyiy45klxdpqn76t45j3mcesvso 3949405 3949401 2026-06-06T03:22:03Z Rap Goddess0 3337101 /* New report 2026-06-6, 03:13 */ Reply 3949405 wikitext text/x-wiki {{/header}} {{User:MABot/config |archive = Wikiquote:Vandalism in progress/Archive/%(counter)d |algo = old(10d) |counter = 16 |maxarchivesize = 300K |minthreadsleft = 2 |archiveheader = 1 |minthreadstoarchive = 1 }} <!-- Please add a new report below this line, thanks! --> == New report 2026-05-29, 14:37 == * {{Vandal|Mpyfdh zsitrp}} Long-term abuse. [[:m:User:علاء/case2#Mohamed_AlAgha]] ([[Special:CentralAuth/Télévision_Française]], [[Special:CentralAuth/Would_build]]). Recreated [[Abdelnasser Abdelfattah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:39, 29 May 2026 (UTC) :{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (<span style="color:grey">ko'''a'''<span style="color:black">v</span>f</span>)]]<span style="color:red">❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯</span> 15:02, 29 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-05-29, 14:39 == * {{Vandal|Need Reqer}} Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:40, 29 May 2026 (UTC) :{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (<span style="color:grey">ko'''a'''<span style="color:black">v</span>f</span>)]]<span style="color:red">❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯</span> 15:02, 29 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-05-30, 10:28 == * {{Vandal|Alive5Official}} [[Wikiquote:Username_policy#Inappropriate_usernames]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:08, 30 May 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 14:52, 30 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-2, 17:04 == * {{Vandal|~2026-32675-17}} Butchered the [[Spanish colonization of the Americas]] page, looks like vandalism. . [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 17:30, 2 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 19:28, 2 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 == * {{Vandal|UNIX-QUANTUM-NETWORKS}} Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:37, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:41, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 == * {{Vandal|Pathanbd69}} Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:39, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}, and the recent page was deleted. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:44, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:44 == * {{Vandal|~2026-32979-36}} cross-wiki abuse ([[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Truthfindervert]], Edit summary similarity + same target ([[Jat people]], [[:w:simple:Jats]], [[:w:Jats]])). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:45, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 17:48, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-5, 12:47 == * {{Vandal|Profabdelfatah}} Removed CSD tag at [[DGStory]] (no quotes), [[:w:WP:AB]] at [[Hussein Abdelfatah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:49, 5 June 2026 (UTC) : Globally locked by Alaa. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 18:01, 5 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-6, 03:13 == * {{Vandal|Rap_Goddess0}} Sole page created is obviously promotional content. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 03:19, 6 June 2026 (UTC) :My page is not promotional please you can check my articles on wikidata, simple English Wikipedia and Yoruba Wikipedia. Thank [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:22, 6 June 2026 (UTC) lyi526reqm1la3dp49r7gsf3i34m046 3949406 3949405 2026-06-06T03:23:08Z Rap Goddess0 3337101 /* New report 2026-06-6, 03:13 */ Reply 3949406 wikitext text/x-wiki {{/header}} {{User:MABot/config |archive = Wikiquote:Vandalism in progress/Archive/%(counter)d |algo = old(10d) |counter = 16 |maxarchivesize = 300K |minthreadsleft = 2 |archiveheader = 1 |minthreadstoarchive = 1 }} <!-- Please add a new report below this line, thanks! --> == New report 2026-05-29, 14:37 == * {{Vandal|Mpyfdh zsitrp}} Long-term abuse. [[:m:User:علاء/case2#Mohamed_AlAgha]] ([[Special:CentralAuth/Télévision_Française]], [[Special:CentralAuth/Would_build]]). Recreated [[Abdelnasser Abdelfattah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:39, 29 May 2026 (UTC) :{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (<span style="color:grey">ko'''a'''<span style="color:black">v</span>f</span>)]]<span style="color:red">❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯</span> 15:02, 29 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-05-29, 14:39 == * {{Vandal|Need Reqer}} Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:40, 29 May 2026 (UTC) :{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (<span style="color:grey">ko'''a'''<span style="color:black">v</span>f</span>)]]<span style="color:red">❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯</span> 15:02, 29 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-05-30, 10:28 == * {{Vandal|Alive5Official}} [[Wikiquote:Username_policy#Inappropriate_usernames]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:08, 30 May 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 14:52, 30 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-2, 17:04 == * {{Vandal|~2026-32675-17}} Butchered the [[Spanish colonization of the Americas]] page, looks like vandalism. . [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 17:30, 2 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 19:28, 2 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 == * {{Vandal|UNIX-QUANTUM-NETWORKS}} Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:37, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:41, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 == * {{Vandal|Pathanbd69}} Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:39, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}, and the recent page was deleted. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:44, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:44 == * {{Vandal|~2026-32979-36}} cross-wiki abuse ([[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Truthfindervert]], Edit summary similarity + same target ([[Jat people]], [[:w:simple:Jats]], [[:w:Jats]])). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:45, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 17:48, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-5, 12:47 == * {{Vandal|Profabdelfatah}} Removed CSD tag at [[DGStory]] (no quotes), [[:w:WP:AB]] at [[Hussein Abdelfatah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:49, 5 June 2026 (UTC) : Globally locked by Alaa. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 18:01, 5 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-6, 03:13 == * {{Vandal|Rap_Goddess0}} Sole page created is obviously promotional content. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 03:19, 6 June 2026 (UTC) :My page is not promotional please you can check my articles on wikidata, simple English Wikipedia and Yoruba Wikipedia. Thank [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:22, 6 June 2026 (UTC) :My other links am notable please: :@[[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] [https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q137670288 My wikidata page] [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:23, 6 June 2026 (UTC) til0d2rcjzuzc88i5d1lqjaoklinoz5 3949420 3949406 2026-06-06T04:09:42Z 03isrflo62410 1485946 /* New report 2026-06-6, 03:13 */ Reply 3949420 wikitext text/x-wiki {{/header}} {{User:MABot/config |archive = Wikiquote:Vandalism in progress/Archive/%(counter)d |algo = old(10d) |counter = 16 |maxarchivesize = 300K |minthreadsleft = 2 |archiveheader = 1 |minthreadstoarchive = 1 }} <!-- Please add a new report below this line, thanks! --> == New report 2026-05-29, 14:37 == * {{Vandal|Mpyfdh zsitrp}} Long-term abuse. [[:m:User:علاء/case2#Mohamed_AlAgha]] ([[Special:CentralAuth/Télévision_Française]], [[Special:CentralAuth/Would_build]]). Recreated [[Abdelnasser Abdelfattah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:39, 29 May 2026 (UTC) :{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (<span style="color:grey">ko'''a'''<span style="color:black">v</span>f</span>)]]<span style="color:red">❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯</span> 15:02, 29 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-05-29, 14:39 == * {{Vandal|Need Reqer}} Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:40, 29 May 2026 (UTC) :{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (<span style="color:grey">ko'''a'''<span style="color:black">v</span>f</span>)]]<span style="color:red">❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯</span> 15:02, 29 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-05-30, 10:28 == * {{Vandal|Alive5Official}} [[Wikiquote:Username_policy#Inappropriate_usernames]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:08, 30 May 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 14:52, 30 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-2, 17:04 == * {{Vandal|~2026-32675-17}} Butchered the [[Spanish colonization of the Americas]] page, looks like vandalism. . [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 17:30, 2 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 19:28, 2 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 == * {{Vandal|UNIX-QUANTUM-NETWORKS}} Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:37, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:41, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 == * {{Vandal|Pathanbd69}} Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:39, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}, and the recent page was deleted. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:44, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:44 == * {{Vandal|~2026-32979-36}} cross-wiki abuse ([[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Truthfindervert]], Edit summary similarity + same target ([[Jat people]], [[:w:simple:Jats]], [[:w:Jats]])). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:45, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 17:48, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-5, 12:47 == * {{Vandal|Profabdelfatah}} Removed CSD tag at [[DGStory]] (no quotes), [[:w:WP:AB]] at [[Hussein Abdelfatah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:49, 5 June 2026 (UTC) : Globally locked by Alaa. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 18:01, 5 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-6, 03:13 == * {{Vandal|Rap_Goddess0}} Sole page created is obviously promotional content. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 03:19, 6 June 2026 (UTC) :My page is not promotional please you can check my articles on wikidata, simple English Wikipedia and Yoruba Wikipedia. Thank [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:22, 6 June 2026 (UTC) :My other links am notable please: :@[[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] [https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q137670288 My wikidata page] [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:23, 6 June 2026 (UTC) :I would also like to point out that every time I add the speedy delete notice, it gets removed and this person sends strange messages on my talk page (one of them suggests I get a job). [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 04:09, 6 June 2026 (UTC) 198pvqr75y9s4ljwnbmd4ygqfbtmhyi 3949421 3949420 2026-06-06T04:21:07Z PieWriter 3267587 /* New report 2026-06-6, 03:13 */ Marked as done - with [[User:AramilFeraxa/ReportSolver|ReportSolver]] 3949421 wikitext text/x-wiki {{/header}} {{User:MABot/config |archive = Wikiquote:Vandalism in progress/Archive/%(counter)d |algo = old(10d) |counter = 16 |maxarchivesize = 300K |minthreadsleft = 2 |archiveheader = 1 |minthreadstoarchive = 1 }} <!-- Please add a new report below this line, thanks! --> == New report 2026-05-29, 14:37 == * {{Vandal|Mpyfdh zsitrp}} Long-term abuse. [[:m:User:علاء/case2#Mohamed_AlAgha]] ([[Special:CentralAuth/Télévision_Française]], [[Special:CentralAuth/Would_build]]). Recreated [[Abdelnasser Abdelfattah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:39, 29 May 2026 (UTC) :{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (<span style="color:grey">ko'''a'''<span style="color:black">v</span>f</span>)]]<span style="color:red">❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯</span> 15:02, 29 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-05-29, 14:39 == * {{Vandal|Need Reqer}} Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:40, 29 May 2026 (UTC) :{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (<span style="color:grey">ko'''a'''<span style="color:black">v</span>f</span>)]]<span style="color:red">❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯</span> 15:02, 29 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-05-30, 10:28 == * {{Vandal|Alive5Official}} [[Wikiquote:Username_policy#Inappropriate_usernames]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:08, 30 May 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 14:52, 30 May 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-2, 17:04 == * {{Vandal|~2026-32675-17}} Butchered the [[Spanish colonization of the Americas]] page, looks like vandalism. . [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 17:30, 2 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 19:28, 2 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 == * {{Vandal|UNIX-QUANTUM-NETWORKS}} Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:37, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:41, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 == * {{Vandal|Pathanbd69}} Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:39, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}, and the recent page was deleted. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:44, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-3, 12:44 == * {{Vandal|~2026-32979-36}} cross-wiki abuse ([[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Truthfindervert]], Edit summary similarity + same target ([[Jat people]], [[:w:simple:Jats]], [[:w:Jats]])). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:45, 3 June 2026 (UTC) : {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 17:48, 3 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-5, 12:47 == * {{Vandal|Profabdelfatah}} Removed CSD tag at [[DGStory]] (no quotes), [[:w:WP:AB]] at [[Hussein Abdelfatah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:49, 5 June 2026 (UTC) : Globally locked by Alaa. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 18:01, 5 June 2026 (UTC) == New report 2026-06-6, 03:13 == * {{Vandal|Rap_Goddess0}} Sole page created is obviously promotional content. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 03:19, 6 June 2026 (UTC) :My page is not promotional please you can check my articles on wikidata, simple English Wikipedia and Yoruba Wikipedia. Thank [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:22, 6 June 2026 (UTC) :My other links am notable please: :@[[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] [https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q137670288 My wikidata page] [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:23, 6 June 2026 (UTC) :I would also like to point out that every time I add the speedy delete notice, it gets removed and this person sends strange messages on my talk page (one of them suggests I get a job). [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 04:09, 6 June 2026 (UTC) :{{done}} [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 04:21, 6 June 2026 (UTC) 5fqbpizpp9bd6hd4ae577lqzmsb8qir 0 5720 3949359 3930590 2026-06-06T00:19:44Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949359 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:American psycho.svg|thumb|There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it, I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone; in fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis. '''My punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself; no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing'''.]] [[File:American Psycho - New York City Halloween 2011.jpg|thumb|You like [[w:Huey Lewis and the News|Huey Lewis and the News]]? ]] [[File:Christian Bale Quel treno per Yuma Premiere Los Angeles 2007 1.jpg|thumb|There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me. Only an entity. Something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable, I simply ''am not there''.]] [[File:VHS videocassette - front.jpg|thumb|I have to return some videotapes.]] [[File:Masque-no-p1000705.jpg|thumb|I have all the characteristics of a human being: flesh, blood, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. '''I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.''']] '''''[[w:American Psycho (film)|American Psycho]]''''' is a [[w:2000 in film|2000 film]] about a young, well-to-do man who isn't quite as normal as he seems and secretly is a serial killer. :''Directed by [[w:Mary Harron|Mary Harron]]. Written by [[w:Mary Harron|Mary Harron]] and [[w:Guinevere Turner|Guinevere Turner]], based on the novel by [[w:Bret Easton Ellis|Bret Easton Ellis]].'' {{center/s}}'''Killer looks.'''<small> [[#Taglines|taglines]]</small>{{center/e}} == Patrick Bateman == * ''[repeated line]'' I have to return some videotapes. * "BLEACH-EE"? You trying to say "Bleach-ee"? Bleach-ee, oh my god. Two things. One: You can't bleach a Cerruti. Out of the question. Two: I can only get these sheets in Santa Fe and these are very expensive sheets and I need them clean by this afternoon! * If you don't shut your fucking mouth, I will kill you. * Listen, I CANNOT UNDERSTAND YOU! This is crazy! You're a fool, I can't cope with this STUPID BITCH-EE! UNDERSTAND?! * I like to dissect girls. Did you know I'm utterly insane? * Look at that subtle off-white coloring; the tasteful thickness of it... Oh my God, it even has a watermark. * ''[to a bartender, who doesn't seem to notice]'' You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death and play around with your blood. * I live in the American Gardens Building on West 81st Street on the 11th floor. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial masque which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me. Only an entity. Something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable, I simply ''am not there''. * I have all the characteristics of a human being: flesh, blood, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip. * There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul's apartment overlooks the park... and is obviously more expensive than mine. * I'm on the verge of tears by the time we arrive at Espace, since I'm positive we won't have a decent table, but we do. The relief washes over me in an awesome wave. * ''[to two prostitutes]'' Do you like [[w:Phil Collins|Phil Collins]]? I've been a big [[W:Genesis (band)|Genesis]] fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, ''[[w:Duke (album)|Duke]]''. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on ''Duke'' where, uh, Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think ''[[w:Invisible Touch|Invisible Touch]]'' was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to "[[w:Land of Confusion|Land of Confusion]]". In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. "[[w:In Too Deep (song)|In Too Deep]]" is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as, uh, anything I've heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like "[[w:In the Air Tonight|In the Air Tonight]]" and, uh, "[[w:Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now)|Against All Odds]]". Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is "[[w:Sussudio|Sussudio]]", a great, great song, a personal favorite. * Howard! It's Bateman, Patrick Bateman. You're my lawyer so I think you should know I've killed a lot of people. Some escort girls in an apartment uptown... uh... some homeless people maybe five or ten. Uh... Some NYU girl I met in Central Park, I left her in a parking lot behind some donut shop, I killed Bethany, my old girlfriend, with a nailgun and... some man, some old faggot with a dog. Last week I killed another girl... with a chainsaw... I had to, she almost got away. And there... was someone else there I don't remember, maybe a model, but sh- she's dead, too. And, uh- PAUL ALLEN! I killed Paul Allen with an axe! In the face! His body is dissolving in a bathtub in Hell's Kitchen! I don't want to leave anything out here &mdash; I guess I've killed maybe... 20 people... maybe 40! Uh- huh huh-I have uh... tapes of a lot of it. Some of the girls have seen the tapes &mdash; I even... I ate some of their brains and I tried to cook a little. Tonight, I uh- just had to kill a lot of people! And I'm not sure I'm gonna get away with it... this time. I mean... I mean I guess I'm a pretty sick guy. So, if you get back tomorrow, I may show up at Harry's Bar. So, you know, keep your eyes OPEN. Okay, bye. * There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it, I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone; in fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis. My punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself; no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing. * Well, you can always be thinner... look better. == Dialogue == :'''Bateman''': New card. What do you think? :'''McDermott''': Whoa-ho, very nice. Look at that. :'''Bateman''': Picked them up from the printer's yesterday. :'''Van Patten''': Good coloring. :'''Bateman''': That's "Bone". And the lettering is something called "Silian Rail". :'''Van Patten''': It's very cool, Bateman... but that's nothing. Look at this. :''(Van Patten removes his card from its holder)'' :'''Bryce''': That is ''really'' nice. :'''Van Patten''': "Eggshell", with "Romalian" type. What do you think? :'''Bateman''': ''[beat]'' Nice. :'''Bryce''': Jesus. That is ''really'' super. How'd a nitwit like you get so tasteful? :'''Bateman''': ''[internal monologue]'' I can't ''believe'' that Bryce prefers Van Patten's card to mine. :'''Bryce''': But wait, you ain't seen nothing yet. :''(Bryce removes his card from its holder)'' :'''Bryce''': Raised lettering, "Pale Nimbus". White. :'''Bateman''': Impressive. Very nice. ''[beat]'' Let's see Paul Allen's card. :''(Bryce nervously reveals Paul Allen's card)'' :'''Bateman''': ''[internal monologue]'' Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God... ''it even has a watermark''. :''(Bateman seethes)'' :'''Carruthers''': Something wrong? Patrick? You're sweating. <hr width="50%"/> :'''McDermott''': If they have a great personality and they're not great looking... then who fucking cares? :'''Bateman''': Well, let's just say hypothetically, OK? What if they have a great personality? :''[pause, all laugh]'' :'''Bateman''': I know, I know. ''[in unison with the rest]'' There are no girls with good personalities. :'''Van Patten''': A good personality consists of a chick with a little hard body, who will satisfy all sexual demands without being too slutty about things, and who essentially will keep her dumb fucking mouth shut. :'''McDermott''': The only girls with good personalities who are smart or maybe funny or halfway intelligent or talented, though god knows what the fuck that means, are ugly chicks. :'''Van Patten''': Absolutely. :'''McDermott''': And this is because they have to make up for how fucking unattractive they are. :'''Bateman''': Do you know what Ed Gein said about women? :'''Van Patten''': Ed Gein? Maitre d' at Canal Bar? :'''Bateman''': No, serial killer, Wisconsin in the fifties. :'''McDermott''': So what did Ed say? :'''Bateman''': When I see a pretty girl walking down the street I think two things. One part of me wants to take her out and talk to her and be real nice and sweet and treat her right. :'''McDermott''': And what did the other part think? :'''Bateman''': What her head would look like on a stick. ''[chuckles]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Luis''': Hi, guys. I wanna get your opinion on something. It's my business card. I decided to get a new one, too. :''[Luis removes his business card from the holder and shows it to McDermott, then Van Patten]'' :'''McDermott''': Very nice. :'''Van Patten''': Very nice, Luis. :'''Luis''': Thank you. ''[shows it to Bateman, who does not respond. Luis then leaves]'' :'''Van Patten''': Listen, what about dinner... :'''Bateman''': Is that all you ever have to contribute, Van Patten? What about fuckin' dinner?! :'''McDermott''': Cheer up there, baby. What's the matter? No shiatsu this morning? ''[claps Bateman on the shoulder]'' :'''Bateman''': ''[shoves McDermott's hand away]'' Touch me like that, and you'll draw back a stump. :'''McDermott''': Hold on there, little buddy--! :''[Bateman leaves and heads for the restroom where Luis is at. Donning a pair of leather gloves, he approaches Luis from behind and prepares to strangle him, but Luis turns around, sees Bateman, removes one of the gloves and kisses Bateman's hand.]'' :'''Luis''': ''[laughs]'' Patrick...why ''here''? I've seen you looking at me. ''[traces a hand along Bateman's cheek, before pressing a finger to his lips and nose]'' I've noticed your...hot body. ''[chuckles, then moves in close]'' Don't be shy. You can't imagine how long I've wanted this - ever since that Christmas party - Arizona 206, you know, the one where you were wearing that red striped paisley Armani tie... :''[Bateman, bewildered and disgusted, heads to one of the sinks and begins washing his hands - without even removing the gloves.]'' :'''Luis''': I want you. I want you, too! :''[Bateman does not respond and heads for the door.]'' :'''Luis''': Patrick! :'''Bateman''': ''WHAT IS IT?!'' :'''Luis''': ...Where are you going? :'''Bateman''': I've gotta return some videotapes. ''[leaves]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bateman''': I think, um, Evelyn, that we've, uh, lost touch. :'''Evelyn''': Why? What's wrong? :'''Bateman''': My need to engage in homicidal behavior on a massive scale cannot be corrected, but, ah, I have no other way to fulfill my needs. I'm fucking serious. It's fucking over, us, this is no joke. I don't think we should see each other anymore. :'''Evelyn''': But your friends are my friends and my friends are your friends. I really don't think it would work. ''[fusses with his collar]'' You have a little something... :'''Bateman''': I know that your friends are my friends and, uh... I've thought about that. You can have 'em. :''[...]'' :'''Evelyn''': What about the past? ''Our'' past? :'''Bateman''': We never really shared one. :'''Evelyn''': You're inhuman. :'''Bateman''': No...I'm in touch with humanity. Evelyn, I'm sorry, I just, uh...You're not terribly important to me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Waiter''': Would you like to hear today's specials? :'''Bateman''': Not if you want to keep your spleen. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bateman''': Come on, Bryce. There are a lot more important problems than Sri Lanka to worry about. :'''Bryce''': Like what? :'''Bateman''': Well, we have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race, stop terrorism and world hunger. We have to provide food and shelter for the homeless, and oppose racial discrimination and promote civil rights, while also promoting equal rights for women. We have to encourage a return to traditional moral values. Most importantly, we have to promote general social concern and less materialism in young people. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bateman''': You like [[w:Huey Lewis and the News|Huey Lewis and the News]]? :'''Paul Allen''': They're OK. :'''Bateman''': Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when ''[[w:Sports (Huey Lewis and the News album)|Sports]]'' came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to [[w:Elvis Costello|Elvis Costello]], but I think Huey has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humour. :'''Paul Allen''': Hey Halberstram. :'''Bateman''': Yes, Allen? :'''Paul Allen''': Why are there copies of the Style section all over the place, d-do you have a dog? A little chow or something? :'''Bateman''': No, Allen. :'''Paul Allen''': Is that a rain coat? :'''Bateman''': Yes it is! In '87, Huey released this, ''[[w:Fore!|Fore!]]'', their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "[[w:Hip to be Square|Hip to be Square]]", a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. ''[rapidly, as if agitated]'' But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself. ''[raises axe above head]'' Hey Paul! :''[he bashes Allen in the head with the axe, and blood splatters over him]'' :'''Bateman''': ''[as he begins to hack Allen to death with the axe]'' TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD! YOU FUCKING BASTARD! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bateman''': ''[about Paul Allen]'' He was into that whole Yale thing. :'''Donald Kimball''': Yale thing? :'''Bateman''': Yeah, Yale thing. :'''Kimball''': What do you mean "Yale thing"? :'''Bateman''': Well, for one thing, I think he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine. That whole Yale thing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bateman''': Ask me a question. :'''Club girl''': So, what do you do? :'''Bateman''': I'm into, uh, well, murders and executions, mostly. :'''Club girl''': Do you like it? :'''Bateman''': Well, it depends. Why? :'''Club girl''': Well, most guys I know who are in Mergers and Acquisitions really don't like it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bateman''': Did you know that Whitney Houston's debut LP, called simply ''Whitney Houston'', had four number one singles on it? Did you know that, Christie? :'''Elizabeth''': ''[laughing]'' You actually listen to Whitney Houston? You own a Whitney Houston CD? More than one? :'''Bateman''': ''[ignoring her]'' It's hard to choose a favorite among so many great tracks, but "The Greatest Love of All" is one of the best, most powerful songs ever written about self-preservation, dignity. Its universal message crosses all boundaries and instills one with the hope that it's not too late to better ourselves. Since, Elizabeth, it's impossible in this world we live in to empathize with others, we can always empathize with ourselves. It's an important message, crucial really. And it's beautifully stated on the album. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bryce''': ''[after snorting "cut" cocaine]'' It's a fucking milligram of sweetener. I want to get high off this, not sprinkle it on my fucking oatmeal. :'''Bateman''': Definitely weak, but I have a feeling that if we do enough of it we'll be okay. :'''Club Patron''': ''[leans over from another booth]'' Will you keep it down? I'm trying to do drugs! :'''Bryce''': Fuck you! :'''Bateman''': Calm down. Let's do it anyway. :'''Bryce''': Yes, you're right. That is, if the FAGGOT in the next stall thinks it's okay! :'''Club Patron''': FUCK YOU! :'''Bryce''': HEY FUCK YOU! Sorry, dude. Steroids. Okay, let's do it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bateman''': I did it, Carnes. I killed him. ''I'm Patrick Bateman''. I chopped Allen's fucking head off. The whole message I left on your machine was true. :'''Carnes''': Excuse me. I really must be going now. :'''Bateman''': No! Listen! Don't you know who I am?! I'm not Davis, I'm Patrick Bateman! W-we talk on the phone all the time. Don't you recognize me? You're my lawyer. Now, Carnes, listen. Listen very, very carefully: I killed Paul Allen, and I liked it. I can't make myself any clearer. :'''Carnes''': But that's simply not possible...and I don't find this funny anymore. :'''Bateman''': It never was supposed to be! Why isn't it possible? :'''Carnes''': It's just not. :'''Bateman''': Why not, you stupid bastard? :'''Carnes''': Because I had dinner with Paul Allen, twice, in London just ten days ago. :'''Bateman''': No, you...didn't. :'''Carnes''': Now if you'll excuse me. ''[exits]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bryce''': ''[watching [[Ronald Reagan]] on TV]'' How can he just stand there and lie like that? He makes himself out to be a harmless old codger, but inside... inside... :'''Bateman''': ''[internal monologue]'' ... "but inside" doesn't matter. :'''McDermott''': "Inside", yes, "inside..." - believe it or not, Bryce, we're actually listening to you... :'''Bryce''': Come on, Bateman, what do you think? :'''Bateman''': ''[Completely uninterested]'' Whatever. == Taglines == * The menu is in Braille. * Killer looks. * No introductions necessary. * Killer inside. * Evil never looked so damn good. * I need to return some videotapes... * Monsters are real. == Cast == * [[Christian Bale]] - [[w:Patrick Bateman|Patrick Bateman]] * [[Willem Dafoe]] - Donald Kimball * [[Reese Witherspoon]] - Evelyn Williams * [[w:Samantha Mathis|Samantha Mathis]] - Courtney Rawlinson * [[Chloë Sevigny]] - Jean * [[w:Cara Seymour|Cara Seymour]] - Christie * [[w:Justin Theroux|Justin Theroux]] - Timothy Bryce * [[Josh Lucas]] - Craig McDermott * [[w:Bill Sage|Bill Sage]] - David Van Patten * [[w:Matt Ross|Matt Ross]] - Luis Carruthers * [[Jared Leto]] - Paul Allen == External links == {{wikipedia|American Psycho}} * {{imdb title|id=0144084|title=American Psycho}} <!-- dead link -- official website was removed by Universal --> <!-- * [http://homevideo.universalstudios.com/americanpsycho/ Official Website of ''American Psycho''] --> [[Category:2000 films]] [[Category:Cult films]] [[Category:Comedy-drama films]] [[Category:Canadian films]] [[Category:Films set in Manhattan]] [[Category:Films about psychopaths]] [[Category:Postmodern films]] [[Category:Business films]] [[Category:Films about consumerism]] [[Category:Black comedy films]] [[Category:2000s American horror films]] [[Category:Satire films]] [[Category:Films set in the 1980s]] [[Category:Slasher comedy films]] [[Category:Stock trading films]] nd28ppx1fe8qjzaqe88pverl0sjgeln 3949382 3949359 2026-06-06T01:44:40Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949382 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:American psycho.svg|thumb|There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it, I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone; in fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis. '''My punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself; no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing'''.]] [[File:American Psycho - New York City Halloween 2011.jpg|thumb|You like [[w:Huey Lewis and the News|Huey Lewis and the News]]? ]] [[File:Christian Bale Quel treno per Yuma Premiere Los Angeles 2007 1.jpg|thumb|There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me. Only an entity. Something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable, I simply ''am not there''.]] [[File:VHS videocassette - front.jpg|thumb|I have to return some videotapes.]] [[File:Masque-no-p1000705.jpg|thumb|I have all the characteristics of a human being: flesh, blood, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. '''I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.''']] '''''[[w:American Psycho (film)|American Psycho]]''''' is a [[w:2000 in film|2000 film]] about a young, well-to-do man who isn't quite as normal as he seems and secretly is a serial killer. :''Directed by [[w:Mary Harron|Mary Harron]]. Written by [[w:Mary Harron|Mary Harron]] and [[w:Guinevere Turner|Guinevere Turner]], based on the novel by [[w:Bret Easton Ellis|Bret Easton Ellis]].'' {{center/s}}'''Killer looks.'''<small> [[#Taglines|taglines]]</small>{{center/e}} == Patrick Bateman == * ''[repeated line]'' I have to return some videotapes. * "BLEACH-EE"? You trying to say "Bleach-ee"? Bleach-ee, oh my god. Two things. One: You can't bleach a Cerruti. Out of the question. Two: I can only get these sheets in Santa Fe and these are very expensive sheets and I need them clean by this afternoon! * If you don't shut your fucking mouth, I will kill you. * Listen, I CANNOT UNDERSTAND YOU! This is crazy! You're a fool, I can't cope with this STUPID BITCH-EE! UNDERSTAND?! * I like to dissect girls. Did you know I'm utterly insane? * Look at that subtle off-white coloring; the tasteful thickness of it... Oh my God, it even has a watermark. * ''[to a bartender, who doesn't seem to notice]'' You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death and play around with your blood. * I live in the American Gardens Building on West 81st Street on the 11th floor. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial masque which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me. Only an entity. Something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable, I simply ''am not there''. * I have all the characteristics of a human being: flesh, blood, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip. * There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul's apartment overlooks the park... and is obviously more expensive than mine. * I'm on the verge of tears by the time we arrive at Espace, since I'm positive we won't have a decent table, but we do. The relief washes over me in an awesome wave. * ''[to two prostitutes]'' Do you like [[w:Phil Collins|Phil Collins]]? I've been a big [[W:Genesis (band)|Genesis]] fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, ''[[w:Duke (album)|Duke]]''. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on ''Duke'' where, uh, Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think ''[[w:Invisible Touch|Invisible Touch]]'' was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to "[[w:Land of Confusion|Land of Confusion]]". In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. "[[w:In Too Deep (song)|In Too Deep]]" is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as, uh, anything I've heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like "[[w:In the Air Tonight|In the Air Tonight]]" and, uh, "[[w:Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now)|Against All Odds]]". Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is "[[w:Sussudio|Sussudio]]", a great, great song, a personal favorite. * Howard! It's Bateman, Patrick Bateman. You're my lawyer so I think you should know I've killed a lot of people. Some escort girls in an apartment uptown... uh... some homeless people maybe five or ten. Uh... Some NYU girl I met in Central Park, I left her in a parking lot behind some donut shop, I killed Bethany, my old girlfriend, with a nailgun and... some man, some old faggot with a dog. Last week I killed another girl... with a chainsaw... I had to, she almost got away. And there... was someone else there I don't remember, maybe a model, but sh- she's dead, too. And, uh- PAUL ALLEN! I killed Paul Allen with an axe! In the face! His body is dissolving in a bathtub in Hell's Kitchen! I don't want to leave anything out here &mdash; I guess I've killed maybe... 20 people... maybe 40! Uh- huh huh-I have uh... tapes of a lot of it. Some of the girls have seen the tapes &mdash; I even... I ate some of their brains and I tried to cook a little. Tonight, I uh- just had to kill a lot of people! And I'm not sure I'm gonna get away with it... this time. I mean... I mean I guess I'm a pretty sick guy. So, if you get back tomorrow, I may show up at Harry's Bar. So, you know, keep your eyes OPEN. Okay, bye. * There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it, I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone; in fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis. My punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself; no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing. * Well, you can always be thinner... look better. == Dialogue == :'''Bateman''': New card. What do you think? :'''McDermott''': Whoa-ho, very nice. Look at that. :'''Bateman''': Picked them up from the printer's yesterday. :'''Van Patten''': Good coloring. :'''Bateman''': That's "Bone". And the lettering is something called "Silian Rail". :'''Van Patten''': It's very cool, Bateman... but that's nothing. Look at this. :''(Van Patten removes his card from its holder)'' :'''Bryce''': That is ''really'' nice. :'''Van Patten''': "Eggshell", with "Romalian" type. What do you think? :'''Bateman''': ''[beat]'' Nice. :'''Bryce''': Jesus. That is ''really'' super. How'd a nitwit like you get so tasteful? :'''Bateman''': ''[internal monologue]'' I can't ''believe'' that Bryce prefers Van Patten's card to mine. :'''Bryce''': But wait, you ain't seen nothing yet. :''(Bryce removes his card from its holder)'' :'''Bryce''': Raised lettering, "Pale Nimbus". White. :'''Bateman''': Impressive. Very nice. ''[beat]'' Let's see Paul Allen's card. :''(Bryce nervously reveals Paul Allen's card)'' :'''Bateman''': ''[internal monologue]'' Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God... ''it even has a watermark''. :''(Bateman seethes)'' :'''Carruthers''': Something wrong? Patrick? You're sweating. <hr width="50%"/> :'''McDermott''': If they have a great personality and they're not great looking... then who fucking cares? :'''Bateman''': Well, let's just say hypothetically, OK? What if they have a great personality? :''[pause, all laugh]'' :'''Bateman''': I know, I know. ''[in unison with the rest]'' There are no girls with good personalities. :'''Van Patten''': A good personality consists of a chick with a little hard body, who will satisfy all sexual demands without being too slutty about things, and who essentially will keep her dumb fucking mouth shut. :'''McDermott''': The only girls with good personalities who are smart or maybe funny or halfway intelligent or talented, though god knows what the fuck that means, are ugly chicks. :'''Van Patten''': Absolutely. :'''McDermott''': And this is because they have to make up for how fucking unattractive they are. :'''Bateman''': Do you know what Ed Gein said about women? :'''Van Patten''': Ed Gein? Maitre d' at Canal Bar? :'''Bateman''': No, serial killer, Wisconsin in the fifties. :'''McDermott''': So what did Ed say? :'''Bateman''': When I see a pretty girl walking down the street I think two things. One part of me wants to take her out and talk to her and be real nice and sweet and treat her right. :'''McDermott''': And what did the other part think? :'''Bateman''': What her head would look like on a stick. ''[chuckles]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Luis''': Hi, guys. I wanna get your opinion on something. It's my business card. I decided to get a new one, too. :''[Luis removes his business card from the holder and shows it to McDermott, then Van Patten]'' :'''McDermott''': Very nice. :'''Van Patten''': Very nice, Luis. :'''Luis''': Thank you. ''[shows it to Bateman, who does not respond. Luis then leaves]'' :'''Van Patten''': Listen, what about dinner... :'''Bateman''': Is that all you ever have to contribute, Van Patten? What about fuckin' dinner?! :'''McDermott''': Cheer up there, baby. What's the matter? No shiatsu this morning? ''[claps Bateman on the shoulder]'' :'''Bateman''': ''[shoves McDermott's hand away]'' Touch me like that, and you'll draw back a stump. :'''McDermott''': Hold on there, little buddy--! :''[Bateman leaves and heads for the restroom where Luis is at. Donning a pair of leather gloves, he approaches Luis from behind and prepares to strangle him, but Luis turns around, sees Bateman, removes one of the gloves and kisses Bateman's hand.]'' :'''Luis''': ''[laughs]'' Patrick...why ''here''? I've seen you looking at me. ''[traces a hand along Bateman's cheek, before pressing a finger to his lips and nose]'' I've noticed your...hot body. ''[chuckles, then moves in close]'' Don't be shy. You can't imagine how long I've wanted this - ever since that Christmas party - Arizona 206, you know, the one where you were wearing that red striped paisley Armani tie... :''[Bateman, bewildered and disgusted, heads to one of the sinks and begins washing his hands - without even removing the gloves.]'' :'''Luis''': I want you. I want you, too! :''[Bateman does not respond and heads for the door.]'' :'''Luis''': Patrick! :'''Bateman''': ''WHAT IS IT?!'' :'''Luis''': ...Where are you going? :'''Bateman''': I've gotta return some videotapes. ''[leaves]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bateman''': I think, um, Evelyn, that we've, uh, lost touch. :'''Evelyn''': Why? What's wrong? :'''Bateman''': My need to engage in homicidal behavior on a massive scale cannot be corrected, but, ah, I have no other way to fulfill my needs. I'm fucking serious. It's fucking over, us, this is no joke. I don't think we should see each other anymore. :'''Evelyn''': But your friends are my friends and my friends are your friends. I really don't think it would work. ''[fusses with his collar]'' You have a little something... :'''Bateman''': I know that your friends are my friends and, uh... I've thought about that. You can have 'em. :''[...]'' :'''Evelyn''': What about the past? ''Our'' past? :'''Bateman''': We never really shared one. :'''Evelyn''': You're inhuman. :'''Bateman''': No...I'm in touch with humanity. Evelyn, I'm sorry, I just, uh...You're not terribly important to me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Waiter''': Would you like to hear today's specials? :'''Bateman''': Not if you want to keep your spleen. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bateman''': Come on, Bryce. There are a lot more important problems than Sri Lanka to worry about. :'''Bryce''': Like what? :'''Bateman''': Well, we have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race, stop terrorism and world hunger. We have to provide food and shelter for the homeless, and oppose racial discrimination and promote civil rights, while also promoting equal rights for women. We have to encourage a return to traditional moral values. Most importantly, we have to promote general social concern and less materialism in young people. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bateman''': You like [[w:Huey Lewis and the News|Huey Lewis and the News]]? :'''Paul Allen''': They're OK. :'''Bateman''': Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when ''[[w:Sports (Huey Lewis and the News album)|Sports]]'' came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to [[w:Elvis Costello|Elvis Costello]], but I think Huey has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humour. :'''Paul Allen''': Hey Halberstram. :'''Bateman''': Yes, Allen? :'''Paul Allen''': Why are there copies of the Style section all over the place, d-do you have a dog? A little chow or something? :'''Bateman''': No, Allen. :'''Paul Allen''': Is that a rain coat? :'''Bateman''': Yes it is! In '87, Huey released this, ''[[w:Fore!|Fore!]]'', their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "[[w:Hip to be Square|Hip to be Square]]", a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. ''[rapidly, as if agitated]'' But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself. ''[raises axe above head]'' Hey Paul! :''[he bashes Allen in the head with the axe, and blood splatters over him]'' :'''Bateman''': ''[as he begins to hack Allen to death with the axe]'' TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD! YOU FUCKING BASTARD! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bateman''': ''[about Paul Allen]'' He was into that whole Yale thing. :'''Donald Kimball''': Yale thing? :'''Bateman''': Yeah, Yale thing. :'''Kimball''': What do you mean "Yale thing"? :'''Bateman''': Well, for one thing, I think he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine. That whole Yale thing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bateman''': Ask me a question. :'''Club girl''': So, what do you do? :'''Bateman''': I'm into, uh, well, murders and executions, mostly. :'''Club girl''': Do you like it? :'''Bateman''': Well, it depends. Why? :'''Club girl''': Well, most guys I know who are in Mergers and Acquisitions really don't like it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bateman''': Did you know that Whitney Houston's debut LP, called simply ''Whitney Houston'', had four number one singles on it? Did you know that, Christie? :'''Elizabeth''': ''[laughing]'' You actually listen to Whitney Houston? You own a Whitney Houston CD? More than one? :'''Bateman''': ''[ignoring her]'' It's hard to choose a favorite among so many great tracks, but "The Greatest Love of All" is one of the best, most powerful songs ever written about self-preservation, dignity. Its universal message crosses all boundaries and instills one with the hope that it's not too late to better ourselves. Since, Elizabeth, it's impossible in this world we live in to empathize with others, we can always empathize with ourselves. It's an important message, crucial really. And it's beautifully stated on the album. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bryce''': ''[after snorting "cut" cocaine]'' It's a fucking milligram of sweetener. I want to get high off this, not sprinkle it on my fucking oatmeal. :'''Bateman''': Definitely weak, but I have a feeling that if we do enough of it we'll be okay. :'''Club Patron''': ''[leans over from another booth]'' Will you keep it down? I'm trying to do drugs! :'''Bryce''': Fuck you! :'''Bateman''': Calm down. Let's do it anyway. :'''Bryce''': Yes, you're right. That is, if the FAGGOT in the next stall thinks it's okay! :'''Club Patron''': FUCK YOU! :'''Bryce''': HEY FUCK YOU! Sorry, dude. Steroids. Okay, let's do it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bateman''': I did it, Carnes. I killed him. ''I'm Patrick Bateman''. I chopped Allen's fucking head off. The whole message I left on your machine was true. :'''Carnes''': Excuse me. I really must be going now. :'''Bateman''': No! Listen! Don't you know who I am?! I'm not Davis, I'm Patrick Bateman! W-we talk on the phone all the time. Don't you recognize me? You're my lawyer. Now, Carnes, listen. Listen very, very carefully: I killed Paul Allen, and I liked it. I can't make myself any clearer. :'''Carnes''': But that's simply not possible...and I don't find this funny anymore. :'''Bateman''': It never was supposed to be! Why isn't it possible? :'''Carnes''': It's just not. :'''Bateman''': Why not, you stupid bastard? :'''Carnes''': Because I had dinner with Paul Allen, twice, in London just ten days ago. :'''Bateman''': No, you...didn't. :'''Carnes''': Now if you'll excuse me. ''[exits]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bryce''': ''[watching [[Ronald Reagan]] on TV]'' How can he just stand there and lie like that? He makes himself out to be a harmless old codger, but inside... inside... :'''Bateman''': ''[internal monologue]'' ... "but inside" doesn't matter. :'''McDermott''': "Inside", yes, "inside..." - believe it or not, Bryce, we're actually listening to you... :'''Bryce''': Come on, Bateman, what do you think? :'''Bateman''': ''[Completely uninterested]'' Whatever. == Taglines == * The menu is in Braille. * Killer looks. * No introductions necessary. * Killer inside. * Evil never looked so damn good. * I need to return some videotapes... * Monsters are real. == Cast == * [[Christian Bale]] - [[w:Patrick Bateman|Patrick Bateman]] * [[Willem Dafoe]] - Donald Kimball * [[Reese Witherspoon]] - Evelyn Williams * [[w:Samantha Mathis|Samantha Mathis]] - Courtney Rawlinson * [[Chloë Sevigny]] - Jean * [[w:Cara Seymour|Cara Seymour]] - Christie * [[w:Justin Theroux|Justin Theroux]] - Timothy Bryce * [[Josh Lucas]] - Craig McDermott * [[w:Bill Sage|Bill Sage]] - David Van Patten * [[w:Matt Ross|Matt Ross]] - Luis Carruthers * [[Jared Leto]] - Paul Allen == External links == {{wikipedia|American Psycho}} * {{imdb title|id=0144084|title=American Psycho}} <!-- dead link -- official website was removed by Universal --> <!-- * [http://homevideo.universalstudios.com/americanpsycho/ Official Website of ''American Psycho''] --> [[Category:2000 films]] [[Category:Cult films]] [[Category:Canadian films]] [[Category:Drama films]] [[Category:Films set in Manhattan]] [[Category:Films about psychopaths]] [[Category:Postmodern films]] [[Category:Business films]] [[Category:Films about consumerism]] [[Category:Black comedy films]] [[Category:2000s American horror films]] [[Category:Satire films]] [[Category:Films set in the 1980s]] [[Category:Slasher comedy films]] [[Category:Stock trading films]] 3ib6bmd4izpibdl7vqe9pp6ubvd7imd 0 5917 3949422 3943399 2026-06-06T05:13:48Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Of uncertain placement */ add one 3949422 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *:<small>Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.''</small> * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] 4ib0zbq32o9p8kfdzqpexox4lss4g1w 3949424 3949422 2026-06-06T05:16:18Z Ficaia 3085955 /* From known plays */ 3949424 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *:<small>Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.''</small> * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] q2hx19opg3lvrhvxjvw8sz3cl3tsai6 3949425 3949424 2026-06-06T05:17:55Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Ajax */ 3949425 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *:<small>Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.''</small> * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] de5vbf3vae4k4mf7091htebwjrdljd1 3949426 3949425 2026-06-06T05:20:14Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Ajax */ 3949426 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *:<small>Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.''</small> * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] g18d5h8enkymt2axiyrcb0non4f9q3x 3949427 3949426 2026-06-06T05:22:43Z Ficaia 3085955 /* {{w|Oedipus Rex}} */ 3949427 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *:<small>Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.''</small> * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * Ἔννους τὰ καινὰ τοῖς πάλαι τεκμαίρεται. ** A sensible man judges of present by past events. ** Line 916 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] 29394cbafcwyq9kuokp9sd8e8vhsnbk 3949428 3949427 2026-06-06T05:24:55Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Of uncertain placement */ 3949428 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *:<small>Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.''</small> * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * Ἔννους τὰ καινὰ τοῖς πάλαι τεκμαίρεται. ** A sensible man judges of present by past events. ** Line 916 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ἔστ᾽ ἐλπὶς ἡ βόσκουσα τοὺς πολλοὺς βροτῶν. ** It is hope which maintains most of mankind. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] 9lmm8lsv4iyzh5o0ewpjdh75n6s7q2t 3949445 3949428 2026-06-06T06:28:28Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Ajax */ 3949445 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896); Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.'' * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** The gifts of enemies are not gifts, and have no value. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * Ἔννους τὰ καινὰ τοῖς πάλαι τεκμαίρεται. ** A sensible man judges of present by past events. ** Line 916 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ἔστ᾽ ἐλπὶς ἡ βόσκουσα τοὺς πολλοὺς βροτῶν. ** It is hope which maintains most of mankind. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] hmp7f36pxhsji6q2pd3brprmqy2rg3v 3949446 3949445 2026-06-06T06:30:50Z Ficaia 3085955 /* {{w|Oedipus at Colonus}} */ 3949446 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896); Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.'' * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** The gifts of enemies are not gifts, and have no value. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * Ἔννους τὰ καινὰ τοῖς πάλαι τεκμαίρεται. ** A sensible man judges of present by past events. ** Line 916 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) * Κακῶν γὰρ δυσάλωτος οὐδείς. ** For there is no one whom ills cannot reach. ** Line 1722 (''Cassell's'', 1907) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ἔστ᾽ ἐλπὶς ἡ βόσκουσα τοὺς πολλοὺς βροτῶν. ** It is hope which maintains most of mankind. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] l6ki5l1sxpqpe24mizmri8f6dv5yj4q 3949447 3949446 2026-06-06T06:34:29Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Attributed */ 3949447 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896); Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.'' * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** The gifts of enemies are not gifts, and have no value. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * Ἔννους τὰ καινὰ τοῖς πάλαι τεκμαίρεται. ** A sensible man judges of present by past events. ** Line 916 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) * Κακῶν γὰρ δυσάλωτος οὐδείς. ** For there is no one whom ills cannot reach. ** Line 1722 (''Cassell's'', 1907) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ἔστ᾽ ἐλπὶς ἡ βόσκουσα τοὺς πολλοὺς βροτῶν. ** It is hope which maintains most of mankind. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ;In modern sources * Ξὺν τῷ δικαίῳ γὰρ μέγ᾽ ἔξεστι φρονεῖν. ** In a just cause it is right to be confident. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907, p. 475) * Ὁ πᾶς πρέπει ἐννέπειν τὰ δίκαια χρόνος. ** All time is the right time for saying what is just. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907, p. 475) {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] 45brc6en0a78e31tbrs2dupfj6k7mjp 3949448 3949447 2026-06-06T06:38:12Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Ajax */ 3949448 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896); Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.'' * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** The gifts of enemies are not gifts, and have no value. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * Ξυρεῖν ἐν χρῷ. ** To touch the quick. ** Line 786 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * Ἔννους τὰ καινὰ τοῖς πάλαι τεκμαίρεται. ** A sensible man judges of present by past events. ** Line 916 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) * Κακῶν γὰρ δυσάλωτος οὐδείς. ** For there is no one whom ills cannot reach. ** Line 1722 (''Cassell's'', 1907) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ἔστ᾽ ἐλπὶς ἡ βόσκουσα τοὺς πολλοὺς βροτῶν. ** It is hope which maintains most of mankind. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ;In modern sources * Ξὺν τῷ δικαίῳ γὰρ μέγ᾽ ἔξεστι φρονεῖν. ** In a just cause it is right to be confident. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907, p. 475) * Ὁ πᾶς πρέπει ἐννέπειν τὰ δίκαια χρόνος. ** All time is the right time for saying what is just. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907, p. 475) {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] jftm0z0u31in0pd7fwyvwuvq3n3winr 3949449 3949448 2026-06-06T06:49:07Z Ficaia 3085955 /* From known plays */ 3949449 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896); Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.'' * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** The gifts of enemies are not gifts, and have no value. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * Ξυρεῖν ἐν χρῷ. ** To touch the quick. ** Line 786 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * Ἔννους τὰ καινὰ τοῖς πάλαι τεκμαίρεται. ** A sensible man judges of present by past events. ** Line 916 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) * Κακῶν γὰρ δυσάλωτος οὐδείς. ** For there is no one whom ills cannot reach. ** Line 1722 (''Cassell's'', 1907) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ;''Tyndareus'' * οὐ χρή ποτ' εὖ πράσσοντος ὀλβίσαι τύχας<br>ἀνδρὸς πρὶν αὐτῷ παντελῶς ἤδη βίος<br>διεκπερανθῇ καὶ τελευτήσῃ βίον.<br>ἐν γὰρ βραχεῖ καθεῖλε κὠλίγῳ χρόνῳ<br>πάμπλουτον ὄλβον δαίμονος κακοῦ δόσις,<br>ὅταν μεταστῇ καὶ θεοῖς δοκῇ τάδε. ** To call that man who prospers truly happy<br>Were vain before his life be wholly done;<br>For in short time and swift great power and riches<br>Have fallen by the dower of fate malign,<br>When fortune veers and thus the gods decree. ** Frg. (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', ser. 2 (2nd ed., 1879), pp. 277-8-->) *** It is never right to consider that a man has been made happy by fate, until his life is absolutely finished, and he has ended his existence. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--See: "Κεῖνον μόνον", κ.τ.λ. The same saying is given in different words by Sophocles in ''Trachiniæ'', ll. 1-3, and he there describes it as an ancient saying. The idea is also found in his ''Oedipus Tyrannus'', l. 1528-->) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ἔστ᾽ ἐλπὶς ἡ βόσκουσα τοὺς πολλοὺς βροτῶν. ** It is hope which maintains most of mankind. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ;In modern sources * Ξὺν τῷ δικαίῳ γὰρ μέγ᾽ ἔξεστι φρονεῖν. ** In a just cause it is right to be confident. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907, p. 475) * Ὁ πᾶς πρέπει ἐννέπειν τὰ δίκαια χρόνος. ** All time is the right time for saying what is just. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907, p. 475) {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] ru6u2lgpvhpzldx5o4ww8y8jfr4xmx1 3949451 3949449 2026-06-06T06:52:00Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Attributed */ 3949451 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896); Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.'' * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** The gifts of enemies are not gifts, and have no value. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * Ξυρεῖν ἐν χρῷ. ** To touch the quick. ** Line 786 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * Ἔννους τὰ καινὰ τοῖς πάλαι τεκμαίρεται. ** A sensible man judges of present by past events. ** Line 916 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) * Κακῶν γὰρ δυσάλωτος οὐδείς. ** For there is no one whom ills cannot reach. ** Line 1722 (''Cassell's'', 1907) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ;''Tyndareus'' * οὐ χρή ποτ' εὖ πράσσοντος ὀλβίσαι τύχας<br>ἀνδρὸς πρὶν αὐτῷ παντελῶς ἤδη βίος<br>διεκπερανθῇ καὶ τελευτήσῃ βίον.<br>ἐν γὰρ βραχεῖ καθεῖλε κὠλίγῳ χρόνῳ<br>πάμπλουτον ὄλβον δαίμονος κακοῦ δόσις,<br>ὅταν μεταστῇ καὶ θεοῖς δοκῇ τάδε. ** To call that man who prospers truly happy<br>Were vain before his life be wholly done;<br>For in short time and swift great power and riches<br>Have fallen by the dower of fate malign,<br>When fortune veers and thus the gods decree. ** Frg. (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', ser. 2 (2nd ed., 1879), pp. 277-8-->) *** It is never right to consider that a man has been made happy by fate, until his life is absolutely finished, and he has ended his existence. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--See: "Κεῖνον μόνον", κ.τ.λ. The same saying is given in different words by Sophocles in ''Trachiniæ'', ll. 1-3, and he there describes it as an ancient saying. The idea is also found in his ''Oedipus Tyrannus'', l. 1528-->) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ἔστ᾽ ἐλπὶς ἡ βόσκουσα τοὺς πολλοὺς βροτῶν. ** It is hope which maintains most of mankind. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ;In modern sources * Ξὺν τῷ δικαίῳ γὰρ μέγ᾽ ἔξεστι φρονεῖν. ** In a just cause it is right to be confident. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Ὁ πᾶς πρέπει ἐννέπειν τὰ δίκαια χρόνος. ** All time is the right time for saying what is just. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** No word that is profitable is bad. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 476-->) {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] 9you7ydoireu7ki5ltbxmuooljvqte1 3949452 3949451 2026-06-06T06:54:30Z Ficaia 3085955 /* From known plays */ 3949452 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896); Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.'' * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** The gifts of enemies are not gifts, and have no value. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * Ξυρεῖν ἐν χρῷ. ** To touch the quick. ** Line 786 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * Ἔννους τὰ καινὰ τοῖς πάλαι τεκμαίρεται. ** A sensible man judges of present by past events. ** Line 916 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) * Κακῶν γὰρ δυσάλωτος οὐδείς. ** For there is no one whom ills cannot reach. ** Line 1722 (''Cassell's'', 1907) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ;''Ajax Locrus'' * Σοφοὶ τύραννοι τῶν σοφῶν ξυνουσίᾳ. ** Kings are wise by association with wise men. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->) ;''Tyndareus'' * οὐ χρή ποτ' εὖ πράσσοντος ὀλβίσαι τύχας<br>ἀνδρὸς πρὶν αὐτῷ παντελῶς ἤδη βίος<br>διεκπερανθῇ καὶ τελευτήσῃ βίον.<br>ἐν γὰρ βραχεῖ καθεῖλε κὠλίγῳ χρόνῳ<br>πάμπλουτον ὄλβον δαίμονος κακοῦ δόσις,<br>ὅταν μεταστῇ καὶ θεοῖς δοκῇ τάδε. ** To call that man who prospers truly happy<br>Were vain before his life be wholly done;<br>For in short time and swift great power and riches<br>Have fallen by the dower of fate malign,<br>When fortune veers and thus the gods decree. ** Frg. (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', ser. 2 (2nd ed., 1879), pp. 277-8-->) *** It is never right to consider that a man has been made happy by fate, until his life is absolutely finished, and he has ended his existence. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--See: "Κεῖνον μόνον", κ.τ.λ. The same saying is given in different words by Sophocles in ''Trachiniæ'', ll. 1-3, and he there describes it as an ancient saying. The idea is also found in his ''Oedipus Tyrannus'', l. 1528-->) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ἔστ᾽ ἐλπὶς ἡ βόσκουσα τοὺς πολλοὺς βροτῶν. ** It is hope which maintains most of mankind. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ;In modern sources * Ξὺν τῷ δικαίῳ γὰρ μέγ᾽ ἔξεστι φρονεῖν. ** In a just cause it is right to be confident. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Ὁ πᾶς πρέπει ἐννέπειν τὰ δίκαια χρόνος. ** All time is the right time for saying what is just. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** No word that is profitable is bad. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 476-->) {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] 9okrus39linvrc7wecbkezuqyj0l84m 3949454 3949452 2026-06-06T06:57:02Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Antigone */ 3949454 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896); Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.'' * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** The gifts of enemies are not gifts, and have no value. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * Ξυρεῖν ἐν χρῷ. ** To touch the quick. ** Line 786 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * Ἔννους τὰ καινὰ τοῖς πάλαι τεκμαίρεται. ** A sensible man judges of present by past events. ** Line 916 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * Τὰ δεινὰ [''or'' δειλά] κέρδη πημονὰς<br>ἐργάζεται. ** Ill-gotten gains work evil. ** Line 326 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) * Κακῶν γὰρ δυσάλωτος οὐδείς. ** For there is no one whom ills cannot reach. ** Line 1722 (''Cassell's'', 1907) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ;''Ajax Locrus'' * Σοφοὶ τύραννοι τῶν σοφῶν ξυνουσίᾳ. ** Kings are wise by association with wise men. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->) ;''Tyndareus'' * οὐ χρή ποτ' εὖ πράσσοντος ὀλβίσαι τύχας<br>ἀνδρὸς πρὶν αὐτῷ παντελῶς ἤδη βίος<br>διεκπερανθῇ καὶ τελευτήσῃ βίον.<br>ἐν γὰρ βραχεῖ καθεῖλε κὠλίγῳ χρόνῳ<br>πάμπλουτον ὄλβον δαίμονος κακοῦ δόσις,<br>ὅταν μεταστῇ καὶ θεοῖς δοκῇ τάδε. ** To call that man who prospers truly happy<br>Were vain before his life be wholly done;<br>For in short time and swift great power and riches<br>Have fallen by the dower of fate malign,<br>When fortune veers and thus the gods decree. ** Frg. (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', ser. 2 (2nd ed., 1879), pp. 277-8-->) *** It is never right to consider that a man has been made happy by fate, until his life is absolutely finished, and he has ended his existence. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--See: "Κεῖνον μόνον", κ.τ.λ. The same saying is given in different words by Sophocles in ''Trachiniæ'', ll. 1-3, and he there describes it as an ancient saying. The idea is also found in his ''Oedipus Tyrannus'', l. 1528-->) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ἔστ᾽ ἐλπὶς ἡ βόσκουσα τοὺς πολλοὺς βροτῶν. ** It is hope which maintains most of mankind. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ;In modern sources * Ξὺν τῷ δικαίῳ γὰρ μέγ᾽ ἔξεστι φρονεῖν. ** In a just cause it is right to be confident. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Ὁ πᾶς πρέπει ἐννέπειν τὰ δίκαια χρόνος. ** All time is the right time for saying what is just. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** No word that is profitable is bad. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 476-->) {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] l1c5439x2n9flsvp2c3esmm1dr6c1ro 3949455 3949454 2026-06-06T07:00:54Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Attributed */ 3949455 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896); Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.'' * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** The gifts of enemies are not gifts, and have no value. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * Ξυρεῖν ἐν χρῷ. ** To touch the quick. ** Line 786 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * Ἔννους τὰ καινὰ τοῖς πάλαι τεκμαίρεται. ** A sensible man judges of present by past events. ** Line 916 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * Τὰ δεινὰ [''or'' δειλά] κέρδη πημονὰς<br>ἐργάζεται. ** Ill-gotten gains work evil. ** Line 326 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) * Κακῶν γὰρ δυσάλωτος οὐδείς. ** For there is no one whom ills cannot reach. ** Line 1722 (''Cassell's'', 1907) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ;''Ajax Locrus'' * Σοφοὶ τύραννοι τῶν σοφῶν ξυνουσίᾳ. ** Kings are wise by association with wise men. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->) ;''Tyndareus'' * οὐ χρή ποτ' εὖ πράσσοντος ὀλβίσαι τύχας<br>ἀνδρὸς πρὶν αὐτῷ παντελῶς ἤδη βίος<br>διεκπερανθῇ καὶ τελευτήσῃ βίον.<br>ἐν γὰρ βραχεῖ καθεῖλε κὠλίγῳ χρόνῳ<br>πάμπλουτον ὄλβον δαίμονος κακοῦ δόσις,<br>ὅταν μεταστῇ καὶ θεοῖς δοκῇ τάδε. ** To call that man who prospers truly happy<br>Were vain before his life be wholly done;<br>For in short time and swift great power and riches<br>Have fallen by the dower of fate malign,<br>When fortune veers and thus the gods decree. ** Frg. (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', ser. 2 (2nd ed., 1879), pp. 277-8-->) *** It is never right to consider that a man has been made happy by fate, until his life is absolutely finished, and he has ended his existence. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--See: "Κεῖνον μόνον", κ.τ.λ. The same saying is given in different words by Sophocles in ''Trachiniæ'', ll. 1-3, and he there describes it as an ancient saying. The idea is also found in his ''Oedipus Tyrannus'', l. 1528-->) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ἔστ᾽ ἐλπὶς ἡ βόσκουσα τοὺς πολλοὺς βροτῶν. ** It is hope which maintains most of mankind. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ;In modern sources * Ξὺν τῷ δικαίῳ γὰρ μέγ᾽ ἔξεστι φρονεῖν. ** In a just cause it is right to be confident. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Ὁ πᾶς πρέπει ἐννέπειν τὰ δίκαια χρόνος. ** All time is the right time for saying what is just. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** No word that is profitable is bad. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 476-->) * Φαντάσματα θεῖα, καὶ σκιαὶ τῶν ὄντων. ** Divine visions and shadows of things that are. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * Χωρὶς τὸ τ᾽ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὰ καιρία. ** It is a different thing to say many things and things to the purpose. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 481-->) {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] a3tsfxwzz55e37gcqb1571iu74lidku 3949457 3949455 2026-06-06T07:04:00Z Ficaia 3085955 /* {{w|Oedipus Rex}} */ 3949457 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896); Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.'' * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** The gifts of enemies are not gifts, and have no value. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * Ξυρεῖν ἐν χρῷ. ** To touch the quick. ** Line 786 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * Ὦ κακῶν κάκιστε. ** O worst of evil persons. ** Line 334 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 481); also ''Philoctetes'', l. 984 * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * Ἔννους τὰ καινὰ τοῖς πάλαι τεκμαίρεται. ** A sensible man judges of present by past events. ** Line 916 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * Τὰ δεινὰ [''or'' δειλά] κέρδη πημονὰς<br>ἐργάζεται. ** Ill-gotten gains work evil. ** Line 326 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) * Κακῶν γὰρ δυσάλωτος οὐδείς. ** For there is no one whom ills cannot reach. ** Line 1722 (''Cassell's'', 1907) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ;''Ajax Locrus'' * Σοφοὶ τύραννοι τῶν σοφῶν ξυνουσίᾳ. ** Kings are wise by association with wise men. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->) ;''Tyndareus'' * οὐ χρή ποτ' εὖ πράσσοντος ὀλβίσαι τύχας<br>ἀνδρὸς πρὶν αὐτῷ παντελῶς ἤδη βίος<br>διεκπερανθῇ καὶ τελευτήσῃ βίον.<br>ἐν γὰρ βραχεῖ καθεῖλε κὠλίγῳ χρόνῳ<br>πάμπλουτον ὄλβον δαίμονος κακοῦ δόσις,<br>ὅταν μεταστῇ καὶ θεοῖς δοκῇ τάδε. ** To call that man who prospers truly happy<br>Were vain before his life be wholly done;<br>For in short time and swift great power and riches<br>Have fallen by the dower of fate malign,<br>When fortune veers and thus the gods decree. ** Frg. (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', ser. 2 (2nd ed., 1879), pp. 277-8-->) *** It is never right to consider that a man has been made happy by fate, until his life is absolutely finished, and he has ended his existence. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--See: "Κεῖνον μόνον", κ.τ.λ. The same saying is given in different words by Sophocles in ''Trachiniæ'', ll. 1-3, and he there describes it as an ancient saying. The idea is also found in his ''Oedipus Tyrannus'', l. 1528-->) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ἔστ᾽ ἐλπὶς ἡ βόσκουσα τοὺς πολλοὺς βροτῶν. ** It is hope which maintains most of mankind. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ;In modern sources * Ξὺν τῷ δικαίῳ γὰρ μέγ᾽ ἔξεστι φρονεῖν. ** In a just cause it is right to be confident. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Ὁ πᾶς πρέπει ἐννέπειν τὰ δίκαια χρόνος. ** All time is the right time for saying what is just. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** No word that is profitable is bad. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 476-->) * Φαντάσματα θεῖα, καὶ σκιαὶ τῶν ὄντων. ** Divine visions and shadows of things that are. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * Χωρὶς τὸ τ᾽ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὰ καιρία. ** It is a different thing to say many things and things to the purpose. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 481-->) {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] cyjucofr2afptubk7uijdtx07mccvlo 3949458 3949457 2026-06-06T07:05:32Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Electra */ 3949458 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896); Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.'' * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** The gifts of enemies are not gifts, and have no value. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * Ξυρεῖν ἐν χρῷ. ** To touch the quick. ** Line 786 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * Χρόνος γάρ εὐμαρὴς θεός. ** Time is a gentle deity. ** Line 179 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * Ὦ κακῶν κάκιστε. ** O worst of evil persons. ** Line 334 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 481); also ''Philoctetes'', l. 984 * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * Ἔννους τὰ καινὰ τοῖς πάλαι τεκμαίρεται. ** A sensible man judges of present by past events. ** Line 916 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * Τὰ δεινὰ [''or'' δειλά] κέρδη πημονὰς<br>ἐργάζεται. ** Ill-gotten gains work evil. ** Line 326 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) * Κακῶν γὰρ δυσάλωτος οὐδείς. ** For there is no one whom ills cannot reach. ** Line 1722 (''Cassell's'', 1907) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ;''Ajax Locrus'' * Σοφοὶ τύραννοι τῶν σοφῶν ξυνουσίᾳ. ** Kings are wise by association with wise men. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->) ;''Tyndareus'' * οὐ χρή ποτ' εὖ πράσσοντος ὀλβίσαι τύχας<br>ἀνδρὸς πρὶν αὐτῷ παντελῶς ἤδη βίος<br>διεκπερανθῇ καὶ τελευτήσῃ βίον.<br>ἐν γὰρ βραχεῖ καθεῖλε κὠλίγῳ χρόνῳ<br>πάμπλουτον ὄλβον δαίμονος κακοῦ δόσις,<br>ὅταν μεταστῇ καὶ θεοῖς δοκῇ τάδε. ** To call that man who prospers truly happy<br>Were vain before his life be wholly done;<br>For in short time and swift great power and riches<br>Have fallen by the dower of fate malign,<br>When fortune veers and thus the gods decree. ** Frg. (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', ser. 2 (2nd ed., 1879), pp. 277-8-->) *** It is never right to consider that a man has been made happy by fate, until his life is absolutely finished, and he has ended his existence. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--See: "Κεῖνον μόνον", κ.τ.λ. The same saying is given in different words by Sophocles in ''Trachiniæ'', ll. 1-3, and he there describes it as an ancient saying. The idea is also found in his ''Oedipus Tyrannus'', l. 1528-->) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ἔστ᾽ ἐλπὶς ἡ βόσκουσα τοὺς πολλοὺς βροτῶν. ** It is hope which maintains most of mankind. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ;In modern sources * Ξὺν τῷ δικαίῳ γὰρ μέγ᾽ ἔξεστι φρονεῖν. ** In a just cause it is right to be confident. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Ὁ πᾶς πρέπει ἐννέπειν τὰ δίκαια χρόνος. ** All time is the right time for saying what is just. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** No word that is profitable is bad. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 476-->) * Φαντάσματα θεῖα, καὶ σκιαὶ τῶν ὄντων. ** Divine visions and shadows of things that are. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * Χωρὶς τὸ τ᾽ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὰ καιρία. ** It is a different thing to say many things and things to the purpose. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 481-->) {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] arr6j4rfv16bqtsvgkk2oontbbmbu9g 3949459 3949458 2026-06-06T07:06:15Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Ajax */ 3949459 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) *** For kindness is ever the begetter of kindness. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896); Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.'' * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** The gifts of enemies are not gifts, and have no value. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * Ξυρεῖν ἐν χρῷ. ** To touch the quick. ** Line 786 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * Χρόνος γάρ εὐμαρὴς θεός. ** Time is a gentle deity. ** Line 179 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * Ὦ κακῶν κάκιστε. ** O worst of evil persons. ** Line 334 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 481); also ''Philoctetes'', l. 984 * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * Ἔννους τὰ καινὰ τοῖς πάλαι τεκμαίρεται. ** A sensible man judges of present by past events. ** Line 916 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * Τὰ δεινὰ [''or'' δειλά] κέρδη πημονὰς<br>ἐργάζεται. ** Ill-gotten gains work evil. ** Line 326 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) * Κακῶν γὰρ δυσάλωτος οὐδείς. ** For there is no one whom ills cannot reach. ** Line 1722 (''Cassell's'', 1907) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ;''Ajax Locrus'' * Σοφοὶ τύραννοι τῶν σοφῶν ξυνουσίᾳ. ** Kings are wise by association with wise men. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->) ;''Tyndareus'' * οὐ χρή ποτ' εὖ πράσσοντος ὀλβίσαι τύχας<br>ἀνδρὸς πρὶν αὐτῷ παντελῶς ἤδη βίος<br>διεκπερανθῇ καὶ τελευτήσῃ βίον.<br>ἐν γὰρ βραχεῖ καθεῖλε κὠλίγῳ χρόνῳ<br>πάμπλουτον ὄλβον δαίμονος κακοῦ δόσις,<br>ὅταν μεταστῇ καὶ θεοῖς δοκῇ τάδε. ** To call that man who prospers truly happy<br>Were vain before his life be wholly done;<br>For in short time and swift great power and riches<br>Have fallen by the dower of fate malign,<br>When fortune veers and thus the gods decree. ** Frg. (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', ser. 2 (2nd ed., 1879), pp. 277-8-->) *** It is never right to consider that a man has been made happy by fate, until his life is absolutely finished, and he has ended his existence. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--See: "Κεῖνον μόνον", κ.τ.λ. The same saying is given in different words by Sophocles in ''Trachiniæ'', ll. 1-3, and he there describes it as an ancient saying. The idea is also found in his ''Oedipus Tyrannus'', l. 1528-->) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ἔστ᾽ ἐλπὶς ἡ βόσκουσα τοὺς πολλοὺς βροτῶν. ** It is hope which maintains most of mankind. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ;In modern sources * Ξὺν τῷ δικαίῳ γὰρ μέγ᾽ ἔξεστι φρονεῖν. ** In a just cause it is right to be confident. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Ὁ πᾶς πρέπει ἐννέπειν τὰ δίκαια χρόνος. ** All time is the right time for saying what is just. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** No word that is profitable is bad. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 476-->) * Φαντάσματα θεῖα, καὶ σκιαὶ τῶν ὄντων. ** Divine visions and shadows of things that are. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * Χωρὶς τὸ τ᾽ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὰ καιρία. ** It is a different thing to say many things and things to the purpose. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 481-->) {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] lzn08bouhfjigg14jd2ylr8qs5l2u26 3949460 3949459 2026-06-06T07:07:51Z Ficaia 3085955 /* {{w|Oedipus at Colonus}} */ 3949460 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) *** For kindness is ever the begetter of kindness. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896); Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.'' * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** The gifts of enemies are not gifts, and have no value. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * Ξυρεῖν ἐν χρῷ. ** To touch the quick. ** Line 786 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * Χρόνος γάρ εὐμαρὴς θεός. ** Time is a gentle deity. ** Line 179 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * Ὦ κακῶν κάκιστε. ** O worst of evil persons. ** Line 334 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 481); also ''Philoctetes'', l. 984 * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * Ἔννους τὰ καινὰ τοῖς πάλαι τεκμαίρεται. ** A sensible man judges of present by past events. ** Line 916 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * Τὰ δεινὰ [''or'' δειλά] κέρδη πημονὰς<br>ἐργάζεται. ** Ill-gotten gains work evil. ** Line 326 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * Τῷ τεκόντι πᾶν φίλον. ** Everything is dear to its parent. ** Line 1108 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) * Κακῶν γὰρ δυσάλωτος οὐδείς. ** For there is no one whom ills cannot reach. ** Line 1722 (''Cassell's'', 1907) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ;''Ajax Locrus'' * Σοφοὶ τύραννοι τῶν σοφῶν ξυνουσίᾳ. ** Kings are wise by association with wise men. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->) ;''Tyndareus'' * οὐ χρή ποτ' εὖ πράσσοντος ὀλβίσαι τύχας<br>ἀνδρὸς πρὶν αὐτῷ παντελῶς ἤδη βίος<br>διεκπερανθῇ καὶ τελευτήσῃ βίον.<br>ἐν γὰρ βραχεῖ καθεῖλε κὠλίγῳ χρόνῳ<br>πάμπλουτον ὄλβον δαίμονος κακοῦ δόσις,<br>ὅταν μεταστῇ καὶ θεοῖς δοκῇ τάδε. ** To call that man who prospers truly happy<br>Were vain before his life be wholly done;<br>For in short time and swift great power and riches<br>Have fallen by the dower of fate malign,<br>When fortune veers and thus the gods decree. ** Frg. (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', ser. 2 (2nd ed., 1879), pp. 277-8-->) *** It is never right to consider that a man has been made happy by fate, until his life is absolutely finished, and he has ended his existence. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--See: "Κεῖνον μόνον", κ.τ.λ. The same saying is given in different words by Sophocles in ''Trachiniæ'', ll. 1-3, and he there describes it as an ancient saying. The idea is also found in his ''Oedipus Tyrannus'', l. 1528-->) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ἔστ᾽ ἐλπὶς ἡ βόσκουσα τοὺς πολλοὺς βροτῶν. ** It is hope which maintains most of mankind. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ;In modern sources * Ξὺν τῷ δικαίῳ γὰρ μέγ᾽ ἔξεστι φρονεῖν. ** In a just cause it is right to be confident. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Ὁ πᾶς πρέπει ἐννέπειν τὰ δίκαια χρόνος. ** All time is the right time for saying what is just. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** No word that is profitable is bad. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 476-->) * Φαντάσματα θεῖα, καὶ σκιαὶ τῶν ὄντων. ** Divine visions and shadows of things that are. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * Χωρὶς τὸ τ᾽ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὰ καιρία. ** It is a different thing to say many things and things to the purpose. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 481-->) {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] jely5s2any4psxfi2375zg6j9t0zros 3949461 3949460 2026-06-06T07:10:00Z Ficaia 3085955 /* {{w|Oedipus Rex}} */ 3949461 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) *** For kindness is ever the begetter of kindness. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896); Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.'' * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** The gifts of enemies are not gifts, and have no value. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * Ξυρεῖν ἐν χρῷ. ** To touch the quick. ** Line 786 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * Χρόνος γάρ εὐμαρὴς θεός. ** Time is a gentle deity. ** Line 179 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * Ὦ κακῶν κάκιστε. ** O worst of evil persons. ** Line 334 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 481-->); also ''Philoctetes'', l. 984 * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * Φρονεῖν γὰρ οἱ ταχεῖς, οὐκ ἀσφαλεῖς. ** Those who are quick in deciding are in danger of being mistaken. ** Line 617 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * Ἔννους τὰ καινὰ τοῖς πάλαι τεκμαίρεται. ** A sensible man judges of present by past events. ** Line 916 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * Τὰ δεινὰ [''or'' δειλά] κέρδη πημονὰς<br>ἐργάζεται. ** Ill-gotten gains work evil. ** Line 326 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * Τῷ τεκόντι πᾶν φίλον. ** Everything is dear to its parent. ** Line 1108 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) * Κακῶν γὰρ δυσάλωτος οὐδείς. ** For there is no one whom ills cannot reach. ** Line 1722 (''Cassell's'', 1907) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ;''Ajax Locrus'' * Σοφοὶ τύραννοι τῶν σοφῶν ξυνουσίᾳ. ** Kings are wise by association with wise men. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->) ;''Tyndareus'' * οὐ χρή ποτ' εὖ πράσσοντος ὀλβίσαι τύχας<br>ἀνδρὸς πρὶν αὐτῷ παντελῶς ἤδη βίος<br>διεκπερανθῇ καὶ τελευτήσῃ βίον.<br>ἐν γὰρ βραχεῖ καθεῖλε κὠλίγῳ χρόνῳ<br>πάμπλουτον ὄλβον δαίμονος κακοῦ δόσις,<br>ὅταν μεταστῇ καὶ θεοῖς δοκῇ τάδε. ** To call that man who prospers truly happy<br>Were vain before his life be wholly done;<br>For in short time and swift great power and riches<br>Have fallen by the dower of fate malign,<br>When fortune veers and thus the gods decree. ** Frg. (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', ser. 2 (2nd ed., 1879), pp. 277-8-->) *** It is never right to consider that a man has been made happy by fate, until his life is absolutely finished, and he has ended his existence. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--See: "Κεῖνον μόνον", κ.τ.λ. The same saying is given in different words by Sophocles in ''Trachiniæ'', ll. 1-3, and he there describes it as an ancient saying. The idea is also found in his ''Oedipus Tyrannus'', l. 1528-->) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ἔστ᾽ ἐλπὶς ἡ βόσκουσα τοὺς πολλοὺς βροτῶν. ** It is hope which maintains most of mankind. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ;In modern sources * Ξὺν τῷ δικαίῳ γὰρ μέγ᾽ ἔξεστι φρονεῖν. ** In a just cause it is right to be confident. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Ὁ πᾶς πρέπει ἐννέπειν τὰ δίκαια χρόνος. ** All time is the right time for saying what is just. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** No word that is profitable is bad. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 476-->) * Φαντάσματα θεῖα, καὶ σκιαὶ τῶν ὄντων. ** Divine visions and shadows of things that are. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * Χωρὶς τὸ τ᾽ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὰ καιρία. ** It is a different thing to say many things and things to the purpose. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 481-->) {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] h2gnwgz7k39ni6tw7k6j0xw2bhdccqu 3949462 3949461 2026-06-06T07:10:47Z Ficaia 3085955 3949462 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) *** For kindness is ever the begetter of kindness. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896); Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.'' * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** The gifts of enemies are not gifts, and have no value. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * Ξυρεῖν ἐν χρῷ. ** To touch the quick. ** Line 786 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * Χρόνος γάρ εὐμαρὴς θεός. ** Time is a gentle deity. ** Line 179 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * Ὦ κακῶν κάκιστε. ** O worst of evil persons. ** Line 334 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 481-->); also ''Philoctetes'', l. 984 * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * Φρονεῖν γὰρ οἱ ταχεῖς, οὐκ ἀσφαλεῖς. ** Those who are quick in deciding are in danger of being mistaken. ** Line 617 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * Ἔννους τὰ καινὰ τοῖς πάλαι τεκμαίρεται. ** A sensible man judges of present by past events. ** Line 916 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * Τὰ δεινὰ [''or'' δειλά] κέρδη πημονὰς<br>ἐργάζεται. ** Ill-gotten gains work evil. ** Line 326 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * Τῷ τεκόντι πᾶν φίλον. ** Everything is dear to its parent. ** Line 1108 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) * Κακῶν γὰρ δυσάλωτος οὐδείς. ** For there is no one whom ills cannot reach. ** Line 1722 (''Cassell's'', 1907) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ;''Ajax Locrus'' * Σοφοὶ τύραννοι τῶν σοφῶν ξυνουσίᾳ. ** Kings are wise by association with wise men. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->)<!--; also found in [[Euripides]]--> ;''Tyndareus'' * οὐ χρή ποτ' εὖ πράσσοντος ὀλβίσαι τύχας<br>ἀνδρὸς πρὶν αὐτῷ παντελῶς ἤδη βίος<br>διεκπερανθῇ καὶ τελευτήσῃ βίον.<br>ἐν γὰρ βραχεῖ καθεῖλε κὠλίγῳ χρόνῳ<br>πάμπλουτον ὄλβον δαίμονος κακοῦ δόσις,<br>ὅταν μεταστῇ καὶ θεοῖς δοκῇ τάδε. ** To call that man who prospers truly happy<br>Were vain before his life be wholly done;<br>For in short time and swift great power and riches<br>Have fallen by the dower of fate malign,<br>When fortune veers and thus the gods decree. ** Frg. (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', ser. 2 (2nd ed., 1879), pp. 277-8-->) *** It is never right to consider that a man has been made happy by fate, until his life is absolutely finished, and he has ended his existence. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--See: "Κεῖνον μόνον", κ.τ.λ. The same saying is given in different words by Sophocles in ''Trachiniæ'', ll. 1-3, and he there describes it as an ancient saying. The idea is also found in his ''Oedipus Tyrannus'', l. 1528-->) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ἔστ᾽ ἐλπὶς ἡ βόσκουσα τοὺς πολλοὺς βροτῶν. ** It is hope which maintains most of mankind. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ;In modern sources * Ξὺν τῷ δικαίῳ γὰρ μέγ᾽ ἔξεστι φρονεῖν. ** In a just cause it is right to be confident. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Ὁ πᾶς πρέπει ἐννέπειν τὰ δίκαια χρόνος. ** All time is the right time for saying what is just. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** No word that is profitable is bad. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 476-->) * Φαντάσματα θεῖα, καὶ σκιαὶ τῶν ὄντων. ** Divine visions and shadows of things that are. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * Χωρὶς τὸ τ᾽ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὰ καιρία. ** It is a different thing to say many things and things to the purpose. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 481-->) {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] hsjel6hagpqbf4memvjz1787vl6xrf0 3949463 3949462 2026-06-06T07:15:02Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Antigone */ add everything from "Cassell's Book of Quotations" 3949463 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]] '''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]]. == Quotes == :<small>Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).</small> === [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] === * οὔκουν γέλως ἥδιστος εἰς ἐχθροὺς γελᾶν; ** And to mock at foes—is not that the sweetest mockery? ** Line 79 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ὡς ἡμέρα κλίνει τε κἀνάγει πάλιν<br>ἅπαντα τἀνθρώπεια. ** For a day can humble all human beings, and a day can lift them up. ** Lines 131–132 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * τῶν γὰρ μεγάλων ψυχῶν ἱεὶς<br>οὐκ ἂν ἁμάρτοι· κατὰ δ᾿ ἄν τις ἐμοῦ<br>τοιαῦτα λέγων οὐκ ἂν πείθοι.<br>πρὸς γὰρ τὸν ἔχονθ᾿ ὁ φθόνος ἕρπει.<br>καίτοι σμικροὶ μεγάλων χωρὶς<br>σφαλερὸν πύργου ῥῦμα πέλονται. ** Yea, point thine arrow at a noble spirit, and thou shalt not miss; but should a man speak such things against me, he would win no faith. 'Tis on the powerful that envy creeps. Yet the small without the great can ill be trusted to guard the walls. ** Lines 154–159 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει. ** Woman, silence graces woman. ** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Woman, to women silence is the best ornament. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι<br>τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή. ** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, <br/> Befits proud birth. ** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1919)--><!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης<br>οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν. ** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny. ** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·<br>ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,<br>οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ. ** For kindness begets kindness evermore, <br/> But he from whose mind fades the memory <br/> Of benefits, noble is he no more. ** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919) *** For kindness is ever the begetter of kindness. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,<br>τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός. ** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base. ** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896); Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.'' * Ἐν τῷ φρονεῖν γὰρ μηδὲν ἥδιστος βίος. ** In knowing nothing is the sweetest life. ** Line 553 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα. ** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good. ** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** The gifts of enemies are not gifts, and have no value. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τέκνον, δορὶ<br>βούλου κρατεῖν μέν, σὺν θεῷ δ᾿ ἀεὶ κρατεῖν. ** My son, seek victory in arms, but seek it ever with the help of heaven. ** Line 765 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * Ξυρεῖν ἐν χρῷ. ** To touch the quick. ** Line 786 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * πόνος πόνῳ πόνον φέρει. ** Toil follows toil, and brings but toil! ** Line 866 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) *** Alternative translation (E. H. Plumptre, 1865): *** Woe brings woe upon woe. * οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν<br>ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ. ** Men of ill judgement<!--'judgment'--> oft ignore the good <br/> That lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> * θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ. ** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no! ** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) * ἦ πολλὰ βροτοῖς ἔστιν ἰδοῦσιν<br>γνῶναι· πρὶν ἰδεῖν δ᾿ οὐδεὶς μάντις<br>τῶν μελλόντων ὅ τι πράξει. ** Many things shall mortals learn by seeing; but, before he sees, no man may read the future, or his fate. ** Lines 1418–1420; closing lines (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1896) === [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] === * δοκῶ μέν, οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** I trow, no word is ill-omened, if fraught with gain. ** Line 61 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * καιρὸς γάρ, ὅσπερ ἀνδράσιν<br>μέγιστος ἔργου παντός ἐστ᾿ ἐπιστάτης. ** For so occasion bids, chief ruler of every enterprise of men. ** Lines 75–76 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * θάρσει μοι, θάρσει,<br>τέκνον. ἔτι μέγας οὐρανῷ<br>Ζεύς, ὃς ἐφορᾷ πάντα καὶ κρατύνει. ** Courage, my daughter, courage; great still in heaven is Zeus, who sees and governs all. ** Lines 173–175 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * μήθ᾿ οἷς ἐχθαίρεις ὑπεράχθεο μήτ᾿ ἐπιλάθου. ** Forget not thy foes, but refrain from excess of wrath against them. ** Lines 177 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * Χρόνος γάρ εὐμαρὴς θεός. ** Time is a gentle deity. ** Line 179 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * πολλά τοι σμικροὶ λόγοι<br>ἔσφηλαν ἤδη καὶ κατώρθωσαν βροτούς. ** A little word hath often marred, or made, men's fortunes. ** Lines 415–416 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * ζῆν αἰσχρὸν αἰσχρῶς τοῖς καλῶς πεφυκόσιν. ** An ignoble life brings shame upon the noble. ** Line 989 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1894) * οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν<br>χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν. ** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot. ** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) === ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' === [[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?]] * ᾧ μή ᾿στι δρῶντι τάρβος, οὐδ᾿ ἔπος φοβεῖ. ** When a man shrinks not from a deed, neither is he scared by a word. ** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη<br>λύῃ φρονοῦντι. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be <br/> When there's no help in truth! ** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--> **: Wisdom is a curse <br> when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. <br> (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978) * ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿<br>ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου. ** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek <br/> To trap and question me? I will not speak. ** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) **: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. <br/> (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959) * Ὦ κακῶν κάκιστε. ** O worst of evil persons. ** Line 334 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 481-->); also ''Philoctetes'', l. 984 * χρόνος δίκαιον ἄνδρα δείκνυσιν μόνος,<br>κακὸν δὲ κἂν ἐν ἡμέρᾳ γνοίης μιᾷ. ** Time alone shows a just man; but thou couldst discern a knave even in one day. ** Lines 614–615 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * Φρονεῖν γὰρ οἱ ταχεῖς, οὐκ ἀσφαλεῖς. ** Those who are quick in deciding are in danger of being mistaken. ** Line 617 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ<br>πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,<br>ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,<br>ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿<br>ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν<br>ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ<br>χρῆται. ** The tyrant is a child of Pride <br/> Who drinks from his sickening cup <br/> Recklessness and vanity, <br/> Until from his high crest headlong <br/> He plummets to the dust of hope. ** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * Ἔννους τὰ καινὰ τοῖς πάλαι τεκμαίρεται. ** A sensible man judges of present by past events. ** Line 916 (''Cassell's'', 1907) * τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης<br>κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;<br>εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις. ** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day. ** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων<br>τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.<br>τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς<br>μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.<br>τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι<br>ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος. ** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, <br/>The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. <br/>She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; <br/>My rising and my falling match with theirs. <br/>Born thus, I ask to be no other man <br/>Than that I am, and will know who I am. ** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) **: I am Fortune's child, <br/>Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled <br/>Above me, and my brethren of the sky, <br/>The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. <br/>There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest <br/>From me; who then am I to fear this quest? <br/> (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911) * τῶν δὲ πημονῶν<br>μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι. ** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. ** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.<!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--> * πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά. ** Time eases all things. ** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) * ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει<br>ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν<br>τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών. ** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty <br/> Consider his last day; and let none <br/> Presume on his good fortune until he find <br/> Life, at his death, a memory without pain. ** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) **: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!<br />This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,<br />And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—<br />Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!<br />Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom<br />And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,<br />He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.<br />(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)<!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--> **: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.<br />He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,<br />he rose to power, a man beyond all power.<br />Who could behold his greatness without envy?<br />Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.<br />Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,<br />count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.<br />(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)<!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--> === ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' === [[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]] [[File:Venus and Mars National Gallery.jpg|thumb|Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν.<br>Love, unconquered in battle.]] * Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους<br>ὑπερεχθαίρει. ** For God hates utterly <br/> The bray of bragging tongues. ** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ<br>πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν. ** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last. ** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν<br>μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,<br>ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,<br>κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·<br>καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας<br>φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω. ** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either. ** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν. ** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news. ** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. "Don’t shoot the messenger." * οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος<br>κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις<br>πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·<br>τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας<br>χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·<br>πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν<br>καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.<br>ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,<br>χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην. ** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price. ** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) *** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295): *** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money. * ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον<br>τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι<br>οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.<br>ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας<br>ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους. ** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal. ** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * Τὰ δεινὰ [''or'' δειλά] κέρδη πημονὰς<br>ἐργάζεται. ** Ill-gotten gains work evil. ** Line 326 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->) * πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- <br/> θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει. ** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none <br/> More wonderful than man. ** Lines 332–333<!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) **: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)<!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--> * τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι<br>ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν<br>ἀλγεινόν. ** It is a good thing <br/> To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure <br/> To bring death to a friend. ** Line 437–439 * ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς<br>ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει; ** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,<br/>How can it be but death shall bring him gain? *** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--> * οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει<br>νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται. ** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver. ** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών. ** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil. ** Line 582<!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--> (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν<br>τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας<br>θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν. ** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief. ** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a "[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]"<!--Unsourced translation: "Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction."--> * ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν. ** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, <br/> He's fit for public authority. ** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,<br>ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν. ** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right. ** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) **: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)<!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--> * ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν<br>πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν. ** It is no weakness for the wisest man <br/> To learn when he is wrong. ** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) * φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ<br>φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·<br>εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,<br>καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν. ** The ideal condition <br/> Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; <br/> But since we are all too likely to go astray, <br/> The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach. ** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,<br>Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,<br>ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς<br>νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,<br>φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿<br>ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·<br>καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς<br>οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-<br>θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν. ** [[Love]], unconquerable, <br/> Waster of rich men, keeper <br/> Of warm lights and all-night vigil <br/> In the soft face of a girl: <br/> Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! <br/> Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, <br/> And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, <br/> Trembles before your glory. ** Line 781–790<!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--> (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) *** Love, unconquered in battle. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 471-->) * τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·<br>ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ<br>ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν<br>πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει. ** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn. ** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13 **: All men are liable to err. <br/> But when an error is made, that man is no longer <br/> unwise or unblessed who heals the evil <br/> into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965) * ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία. ** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]]. *** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) * πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας<br>πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς<br>μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι<br>μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων<br>ἀποτείσαντες<br>γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν. ** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; <br/> No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. <br/> Big words are always punished, <br/> And proud men in old age learn to be wise. ** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938) === [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] === * Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς<br>ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν<br>θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός. ** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched. ** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἄνδρα γὰρ καλῶς<br>πράσσοντ᾿ ἀνάγκη χρηστὰ κερδαίνειν ἔπη. ** It needs must be<br>That one who prospers should receive good words. ** Lines 230–231 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις<br>ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε. ** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse. ** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * τὸ γὰρ<br>νοσοῦντι ληρεῖν ἀνδρὸς οὐχὶ σώφρονος. ** Thus to prate<br>With one of mind diseased is hardly wise. ** Lines 434–435 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται<br>πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ. ** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me. ** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς<br>ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη. ** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. ** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) * οὐ κάτοισθ᾿ ὁθούνεκα<br>ξυνηγορεῖς σιγῶσα τῷ κατηγόρῳ; ** Know'st thou not<br>That silence but admits the accuser's charge? ** Lines 813–814 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο<br>ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,<br>μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον<br>πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν. ** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past. ** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) === [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|''Philoctetes'']] === * βούλομαι δ᾿, ἄναξ, καλῶς<br>δρῶν ἐξαμαρτεῖν μᾶλλον ἢ νικᾶν κακῶς. ** But my wish, O King, is to do right and miss my aim, rather than succeed by evil ways. ** Lines 94–95 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀεὶ καλὸς πλοῦς ἔσθ᾿, ὅταν φεύγῃς κακά. ** 'Tis ever fair sailing, when thou fleest from evil. ** Line 641 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * καὶ μὴν ἐρῶ γε· τὸν δ᾿ ἔρωθ᾿ οὕτως ἔχω·<br>εἴ μοι θέμις, θέλοιμ᾿ ἄν· εἰ δὲ μή, πάρες. ** I certainly long to touch it,—but my longing is on this wise;—if it be lawful, I should be glad; if not, think no more of it. ** Lines 660–661 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὅστις γὰρ εὖ δρᾶν εὖ παθὼν ἐπίσταται,<br>παντὸς γένοιτ᾿ ἂν κτήματος κρείσσων φίλος. ** Whosoever knows how to render benefit for benefit must prove a friend above price. ** Lines 672–673 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ὦ θάνατε θάνατε, πῶς ἀεὶ καλούμενος<br>οὕτω κατ᾿ ἦμαρ οὐ δύνῃ μολεῖν ποτε; ** O Death, Death, when I am thus ever calling thee, day by day, why canst thou never come? ** Lines 797–798 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * Ὕπν᾿ ὀδύνας ἀδαής, Ὕπνε δ᾿ ἀλγέων,<br>εὐαὴς ἡμῖν ἔλθοις, εὐαίων,<br>εὐαίων, ὦναξ. ** Sleep, stranger to anguish, painless Sleep, come, at our prayer, with gentle breath, come with benison, O king. ** Lines 827–830 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἅπαντα δυσχέρεια, τὴν αὑτοῦ φύσιν<br>ὅταν λιπών τις δρᾷ τὰ μὴ προσεικότα. ** All is offence when a man hath forsaken his true nature, and is doing what doth not befit him. ** Lines 902–903 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * ἀνθρώποισι τὰς μὲν ἐκ θεῶν<br>τύχας δοθείσας ἔστ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον φέρειν. ** Men must needs bear the fortunes given by the gods. ** Lines 1316–1317 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) * οἷς γὰρ ἡ γνώμη κακῶν<br>μήτηρ γένηται, κἄλλα παιδεύει κακούς. ** When the mind hath once become a parent of evil, it teaches men to be evil thenceforth. ** Lines 1360–1361 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1890) === ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' === * δίδασκ᾿· ἄνευ γνώμης γὰρ οὔ με χρὴ ψέγειν. ** Say on: I must not pronounce without knowledge. ** Line 594 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θνῄσκει δὲ πίστις, βλαστάνει δ᾿ ἀπιστία. ** Faith dies, distrust is born. ** Line 611 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * χωρὶς τό τ᾿ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὸ καίρια. ** Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech another. ** Line 808 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν. ** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong. ** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἅπαν καλὸν<br>λέγειν νομίζων, ῥητὸν ἄρρητόν τ᾿ ἔπος. ** One who holds all things meet to utter, knowing no barrier betwixt speech and silence. ** Lines 1000–1001 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * τὰ γὰρ δόλῳ<br>τῷ μὴ δικαίῳ κτήματ᾿ οὐχὶ σῴζεται. ** Gains got by wrongful arts are soon lost. ** Lines 1026–1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * Τῷ τεκόντι πᾶν φίλον. ** Everything is dear to its parent. ** Line 1108 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * οὐ γὰρ λόγοισι τὸν βίον σπουδάζομεν<br>λαμπρὸν ποεῖσθαι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς δρωμένοις. ** Not in words so much as deeds would I make the lustre of my life. ** Lines 1143–1144 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * πρᾶγος δ᾿ ἀτίζειν οὐδὲν ἄνθρωπον χρεών. ** Mortal man should deem nothing beneath his care. ** Line 1153 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-<br>κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,<br>βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-<br>κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα. ** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come. ** Lines 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)<!--Unsourced modernization: "Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came."--> **:<small>Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], "From ''Oedipus at Colonus''" (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], "Death's Echo" (1937)</small> * ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—<br>πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ<br>κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,<br>ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας<br>δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς<br>ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι. ** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows. ** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893) * θεοὶ γὰρ εὖ μέν, ὀψὲ δ᾿ εἰσορῶσ᾿, ὅταν<br>τὰ θεῖ᾿ ἀφείς τις ἐς τὸ μαίνεσθαι τραπῇ. ** For though the gods are slow to heed, they see<br>Full clearly, when the wilfulness of men<br>Turns from their worship to the scorn of fools. ** Lines 1536–1537 (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον<br>τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα. ** One word <br/> Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: <br/> That word is love. ** Lines 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940) * Κακῶν γὰρ δυσάλωτος οὐδείς. ** For there is no one whom ills cannot reach. ** Line 1722 (''Cassell's'', 1907) === Fragments === :<small>Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).</small> ==== From known plays ==== ;''Acrisius'' * ἅπαντα γάρ τοι τῷ φοβουμένῳ ψοφεῖ. ** The man who fears hears noise on every side. ** Frg. 61.2 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου. ** A lie never lives to be old. ** Frg. 62 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ. ** No man loves life like him that's growing old. ** Frg. 66 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''The Lovers of Achilles'' * ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν<br>κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,<br>τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·<br>τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,<br>οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.<br>οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος<br>δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται. ** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act. ** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996) ** Often paraphrased: "Love is like ice in the hands of children." ;''Hipponous'' * πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν<br>καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος. ** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all. ** Frg. 301 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Creusa'' * καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·<br>ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,<br>συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν. ** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; <br> But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, <br> To speak dishonorably is pardonable. ** Frg. 352 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968) ;''Peleus'' * τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς. ** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. ** Frg. 488 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Scyrii'' * φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους. ** War loves to seek its victims in the young. ** Frg. 554 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ<br>καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,<br>ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν. ** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief. ** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ;''Tyro'' * γῆρας διδάσκει πάντα καὶ χρόνου τριβή. ** Old age doth all things teach, and lapse of time. ** Frg. 664 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) *** Old age and the wear of time teach many things. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * ἄκων δ᾿ ἁμαρτὼν οὔτις ἀνθρώπων κακός. ** No one who sins against his will is base. ** Frg. 665 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) ;''Phaedra'' * ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου. ** Children are the anchors of a mother's life. ** Frg. 685 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947]) ;''Ajax Locrus'' * Σοφοὶ τύραννοι τῶν σοφῶν ξυνουσίᾳ. ** Kings are wise by association with wise men. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 478-->)<!--; also found in [[Euripides]]--> ;''Tyndareus'' * οὐ χρή ποτ' εὖ πράσσοντος ὀλβίσαι τύχας<br>ἀνδρὸς πρὶν αὐτῷ παντελῶς ἤδη βίος<br>διεκπερανθῇ καὶ τελευτήσῃ βίον.<br>ἐν γὰρ βραχεῖ καθεῖλε κὠλίγῳ χρόνῳ<br>πάμπλουτον ὄλβον δαίμονος κακοῦ δόσις,<br>ὅταν μεταστῇ καὶ θεοῖς δοκῇ τάδε. ** To call that man who prospers truly happy<br>Were vain before his life be wholly done;<br>For in short time and swift great power and riches<br>Have fallen by the dower of fate malign,<br>When fortune veers and thus the gods decree. ** Frg. (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', ser. 2 (2nd ed., 1879), pp. 277-8-->) *** It is never right to consider that a man has been made happy by fate, until his life is absolutely finished, and he has ended his existence. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--See: "Κεῖνον μόνον", κ.τ.λ. The same saying is given in different words by Sophocles in ''Trachiniæ'', ll. 1-3, and he there describes it as an ancient saying. The idea is also found in his ''Oedipus Tyrannus'', l. 1528-->) ==== Of uncertain placement ==== * Ἔστ᾽ ἐλπὶς ἡ βόσκουσα τοὺς πολλοὺς βροτῶν. ** It is hope which maintains most of mankind. ** Frg. (''Cassell's'', 1907) * Ὅρκους ἐγὼ γυναικὸς εἰς ὕδωρ γράφω. ** I write a woman's oaths in water. ** Frg. 694 (''Cassell's'', 1907)<!--Compare: [[Catullus]] 70--> * τὰ μὲν διδακτὰ μανθάνω, τὰ δ᾿ εὑρετὰ<br>ζητῶ, τὰ δ᾿ εὐκτὰ παρὰ θεῶν ᾐτησάμην. ** What may be taught I learn, what may be found<br>That I still seek for, what must come by prayer,<br>For that I asked the gods. ** Frg. 843 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι. ** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily. ** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει. ** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted. ** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * αἰδὼς γὰρ ἐν κακοῖσιν οὐδὲν ὠφελεῖ·<br>ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τὠγκαλοῦντι σύμμαχος. ** Shame brings but little help in evil things,<br>For silence is the speaker's best ally. ** Frg. 928 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumtpre, 1865) * ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς. ** No oath can be too binding for a lover. ** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν. ** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand. ** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ σῶμα δοῦλον, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ νοῦς ἐλεύθερος. ** My body is enslaved, my mind is free. ** Frg. 940 TrGF (tr. E. H. Plumptre, 1865) * στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει<br>σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην. ** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck. ** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου. ** The truth is always the strongest argument. ** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) * εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ. ** If ills you do, ills also you must bear. ** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)<!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--> == Attributed == * καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.' ** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, "How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?" And he replied, "Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master." ** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c; T 80a TrGF (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937) * ὁ Σοφοκλῆς ἔλεγε τὸν Αἰσχύλου διαπεπαιχὼς ὄγκον, εἶτα τὸ πικρὸν καὶ κατάτεχνον τῆς αὑτοῦ κατασκευῆς, τρίτον ἤδη τὸ τῆς λέξεως μεταβάλλειν εἶδος, ὅπερ ἐστὶν ἠθικώτατον καὶ βέλτιστον. ** Sophocles said, that only after handling with a light touch the turgidity of [[Aeschylus]] and next his harshness and artificiality in composition, did he, as a third step, change the character of the language, which has the most to do with moral character and goodness. ** [[Plutarch]], ''How a Man May Become Aware of His Progress in Virtue'', 79b; T 100 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/plutarchsmoralia01plut_0/page/420/mode/2up F. C. Babbitt, 1922]) * εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς. ** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles. ** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13; T 1 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ;In modern sources * Ξὺν τῷ δικαίῳ γὰρ μέγ᾽ ἔξεστι φρονεῖν. ** In a just cause it is right to be confident. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Ὁ πᾶς πρέπει ἐννέπειν τὰ δίκαια χρόνος. ** All time is the right time for saying what is just. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 475-->) * Οὐδὲν ῥῆμα σὺν κέρδει κακόν. ** No word that is profitable is bad. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 476-->) * Φαντάσματα θεῖα, καὶ σκιαὶ τῶν ὄντων. ** Divine visions and shadows of things that are. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 480-->) * Χωρὶς τὸ τ᾽ εἰπεῖν πολλὰ καὶ τὰ καιρία. ** It is a different thing to say many things and things to the purpose. ** (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--, p. 481-->) {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά. ** A short saying often contains much wisdom. ** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) ** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]). * θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται. ** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. ** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--> ** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]). {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Sophocles == * ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ ** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below. ** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)<!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--> * Be his<br />My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''<br />From first youth tested up to extreme old age<br />Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;<br />'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';<br />'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',<br />Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet "To a Friend" (1849) * Listen! you hear the grating roar <br /> Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, <br /> At their return, up the high strand. <br /> Begin, and cease, and then again begin, <br /> With tremulous cadence slow, and bring <br /> The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago <br /> Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought <br /> Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow <br /> Of human misery; we <br /> Find also in the sound a thought, <br /> Hearing it by this distant northern sea. ** Matthew Arnold, "[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]" (1867) * ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,<br>Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair<br>The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,<br>Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird. ** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], "The Tomb of Sophocles" * The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 * The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996) * [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878) * [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893) * A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Politicians from Greece]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Gay poets]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] iqvgno11b08hd5bhx3ogenoskentbog 0 6386 3949225 3949157 2026-06-05T14:35:06Z ~2026-21258-26 3308661 /* Dialogue */ 3949225 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Monsters, Inc. logo.svg|thumb|Since the very first bedtime, all around the world, children have known that once their mothers and fathers tuck them in, and shut off the light, that there are MONSTERS hiding in their closets, waiting to emerge! What they don't know is: it's nothing personal. It's just their job.]] [[File:Erró 01 (6815421917).jpg|thumb|Okay. First of all, it's ''cretin''. If you're gonna threaten me, do it properly.]] '''''[[w:Monsters, Inc.|Monsters, Inc.]]''''' is a [[w:2001 in film|2001]] computer animated feature film, in which, in order to power the city, monsters have to scare children so that they scream. However, the children are toxic to the monsters, and after a child gets through, two monsters realize things may not be what they think. :''Directed by [[w:Pete Docter|Pete Docter]]. Written by [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] and [[w:Daniel Gerson|Daniel Gerson]], based on a story by [[w:Pete Docter|Pete Docter]], [[w:Jill Culton|Jill Culton]], [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]], and [[w:Ralph Eggleston|Ralph Eggleston]]'' {{center/s}}'''Monsters, Inc.: We Scare Because We Care.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]{{center/e}} == James P. "Sulley" Sullivan == * ''[to Mike; silently]'' Ook-lay in the ag-bay. == Mike Wazowski == * ''[imitating Sulley's radio]'' Hey, good morning, Monstropolis. It's now five after the hour of 6:00 A.M. in the big monster city. Temperature's a balmy 65 degrees, which is good news for you reptiles, and it looks like it's gonna be a perfect day to maybe, hey, just lie in bed, sleep in, or simply... ''[raising his voice higher]'' …Work out that's flab that's hanging over the bed! Get up, Sulley! *''[uses an air horn, waking up Sulley]'' * ''[chants]'' I don't know, but it's been said. I love scaring kids in bed! * ''[while Sulley brushes his teeth]'' C'mon, fight that plaque! Fight that plaque! Scary monsters don't have plaque! * Roz, my tender, oozing blossom, you're looking fabulous today. Is that a new haircut? Tell me it's a new haircut. It's got to be a new haircut. New makeup? You had a lift? You had a tuck? You had something? Something has been inserted in you that makes you look like...Listen, I need a favor. * I'm tellin’ ya pal, when that wall went up, you should have seen the look on Waternoose's face. Woo-hoo! I hope we get a copy of that tape. Hey, you all right? Come on, pal, cheer up, we did it. We got Boo home. Sure, we put the factory in the toilet, and, gee, hundreds of people will be out of work now, not to mention the angry mob that'll come after us when there's no more power... but hey, at least we had a few laughs, right? == Randall Boggs == * Do you hear that? It's the winds of change. * ''[to Fungus]'' If I don't see a new door at my station in five seconds, I will personally put you through '''''the shredder!''''' * ''[after whacking Sulley with a scream canister]'' You don't know how long I've wanted to do that, Sullivan! * ''[about to dispose of Sulley]'' Look at everybody's favorite scarer now, you stupid pathetic waste. You've been #1 for too long, Sullivan! Now your time is up! And don't worry. I'll take good care of the kid. == Henry J. Waternoose == * Kids these days. They just don't get scared like they used to. * ''[taken away by the C.D.A.]'' I hope you're happy, Sullivan. You've destroyed this company! Monsters Incorporated is dead! Where will everyone get their scream now?! The energy crisis will only get worse because of YOU! == Dialogue == :''[first lines; after Thaddeus Bile had an accident while trying to scare the child]'' :'''Ms. Flint''': Alright, Mr. Bile, is it? :'''Bile''': Uh, my friends call me Phlegm. :'''Ms. Flint''': Uh-huh. Mr. Bile, can you tell me what you did wrong? :'''Bile''': I fell down? :'''Ms. Flint''': No, no, '''''before that!''''' Can anyone tell me Mr. Bile's big mistake? Anyone? ''[a monster coughs, groans]'' Let's take a look at the tape. Here we go. ''[She rewinds the tape, then plays it. On the monitor, Thaddeus Bile sneaks into the bedroom, leaving the door open.]'' Right... there. ''[image freezes]'' See? The door! You left it wide open. ''[monsters let out a collective "ooh"]'' And leaving a door open is the worst mistake any employee can make because...? :'''Bile''': It could let in a draft? :'''Waternoose''': ''[first words; enters]'' It could let in a '''child!''' :'''Ms. Flint''': Oh, Mr. Waternoose. :'''Waternoose''': There is nothing more toxic or deadly than a human child. A single touch could '''''KILL YOU!''''' Leave a door open, and a child could walk right into this factory. Right into the monster world! :'''Monster #2''': ''[panicked]'' I won't go in a kid's room! You can't make me! :'''Waternoose''': You're going in there because we need this. ''[grabs a scream can and angrily unlocks it, and the sound of children's screams leak out, letting the lights and electric surge, corks it back]'' Our city is counting on you to collect those children's screams. ''[puts down the scream can]'' Without scream, we have no power! Yes, it's dangerous work, and that's why I need you to be at your best. I need scarers who are confident, tenacious, tough, intimidating. I need scarers like... like... James P. Sullivan! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mike''': I'm tellin' you, big daddy, you're gonna be seein' this face on TV a lot more often. :'''Sulley''': Yeah, like on "Monstropolis' Most Wanted"? :'''Mike''': ''[sarcastically]'' Ha, ha, ha, ha. You've been jealous of my good looks since the fourth grade, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Sulley has insisted on walking to work]'' :'''Mike''': You wanna know why I bought the car, Sulley? :'''Sulley''': Not really. :'''Mike''': To drive it! You know, like on the street, with the honk-honk and the vroom-vroom, and the no walking involved? :'''Sulley''': Wa, wa, wa, wa. Will you give it a rest, butterball? C'mon, you could use the exercise. :'''Mike''': '''''I''''' could use the exercise? Look at you! You have your own '''''climate'''''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sulley''': Happy birthday. :'''Celia''': Thanks. So, uh... are we going anywhere special tonight? :'''Mike''': I just got us into a little place called, um... '''''Harryhausen's'''''. :'''Celia''': '''''<big>Harryhausen's?! But it's impossible to get a reservation there.</big>''''' :'''Mike''': ''[walking to the Scare Floor with Sulley]'' '''''Not''''' for Googly Bear. I will see you at quittin' time, and not a minute later. :'''Celia''': Okay, sweetheart. :'''Mike''': Think romantical thoughts. ''[singing]'' You and me, me and you, both of us together! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Randall''': ''[?]'' [[The Nut Job|Hey, watch it!]] :'''Waternoose''': ??? :'''Sulley''': :'''Randall''': ??? :'''???''': ??? :'''Mike''': ??? :'''???''': ??? :'''George''': ??? :'''???''': ??? ''[Gasps, then points to George's back in the sock and yells]'' [[A Street Car Named Desire (1951 film)|2319!! WE HAVE A 2319!!]] ''[???]'' :'''PA Alert''': ??? :'''Security Camera 1''': ??? :'''George''': Hmm?! ''[???]'' Get it off! :'''Monster 1''': ??? :'''Waternoose''': [[The Fox and the Hound|Aw, not the CDA.]] :'''CDA Agent''': Move, move, move! ''[?]'' ??? ''[???]'' ? ''[??]'' ?? ''[?]'' Stand back. Careful. ''[Randomness]'' ??? :'''George''': Ah, thanks guys, ??? ''[Randoms]'' '''''[[The Lion King 1½|UAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGH!!]]''''' :'''CDA Agent''': ? :'''Waternoose''': ? ''[after the CDA agents solved the 2319 situation on George and shaved him and meanwhile getting himself some coffee]'' Oh, what a day. :'''Sulley''': We're just going through a rough time, sir. Everyone knows you're gonna get us through it. :'''Waternoose''': Tell that to the board of directors. ''[sips his coffee]'' James, this company has been in my family for three generations. I would do anything to keep it from going under. :'''Sulley''': So would I, sir. :'''Waternoose''': Well... Say, I could use your help with somethin'. :'''Sulley''': Anything, sir. :'''Waternoose''': You see, we've hired some new scare recruits and frankly, they're... They're… Um... Uh... :'''Sulley''': ''[confused]'' Inexperienced? :'''Waternoose''': Oh, they stink! :'''Sulley''': Uh-huh. :'''Waternoose''': And I thought maybe you might come by tomorrow and give them a demonstration. Show them what it takes to be a top scarer, huh? :'''Sulley''': I'll start out with the old Waternoose Jump-and-Growl! Argh! ''[jumpscares Waternoose]'' :'''Waternoose''': ''[startled and amused; drops his coffee]'' Aaah! Ha-ha! Ha! Oh, oh, yes. Now, that's my boy. ''[?]'' :'''Monster 1''': ??? ''[???]'' :'''Mike''': ??? :'''Sulley''': ??? :'''Mike''': ??? ''[?]'' ??? :'''Sulley''': ??? :'''Mike''': ??? :'''Sulley''': ??? :'''Mike''': Again?! You know, there's more life than scaring. Whew. Hey, Can I borrow your odorant? :'''Sulley''': Yeah, I got, uh, smelly garbage or old dumpster. :'''Mike''': You got, uh, low tide? :'''Sulley''': No. :'''Mike''': How about wet dog? :'''Sulley''': Yep. Stink it up. ''[???]'' :'''Mike''': ''[to Sulley]'' You know, sometimes I feel so romantic, I think I should just marry myself! :'''Sulley''': Give me a break, Mike... :'''Mike''': What a night of romance I've got ahead of me! Tonight is about me and Celia! ''[imitates a ship’s horn]'' The loveboat is about to set sail! I'm tellin’ ya, pal, I see her face and it makes my heart go-- ''[finds himself face-to-face with Roz]'' YIKES!!! :'''Roz''': ''[sternly]'' Hello, Wazowski. Fun-filled evening planned for tonight? :'''Mike''': Well, as a matter of fact-- :'''Roz''': And I'm '''''sure''''' you filed your paperwork correctly... '''''for once!''''' ''[silence; Mike is brandishing a nervous smile]'' Your stunned silence is '''''very''''' reassuring. ''[leaves]'' :'''Mike''': Oh no, my scare reports! I left them on my desk! If I'm not at the restaurant in five minutes, they're gonna give our table away, what am I gonna tell--?! ''[Celia comes up to Mike]'' Schmoopsie-Pooh. :'''Celia''': Hey Googly-Bear, wanna get going? :'''Mike''': Do I ever? It's just that... Uh... :'''Celia''': What? :'''Mike''': There's a small-- :'''Celia''': I don't understand. :'''Sulley''': It's just ''I'' forgot about some paperwork I was supposed to file. '''''Mike was reminding me'''''; thanks, buddy. :'''Mike''': I was? I mean, I was! Yeah, I was. :'''Celia''': Oh. Okay, let's go then. :'''Mike''': We're going! ''[whispering to Sulley]'' On my desk, Sulley. The '''''pink''''' copies go to accounting, the '''''fuchsia''''' ones go to purchasing, and the '''''goldenrod''''' ones go to Roz. ''[Celia pulls him away; he comes back]'' Leave the puce! ''[gets pulled away again]'' :''[Later]'' :'''Sulley''': ''[to himself]'' So the pink copies go to purchasing, and the fuchsia ones go to Roz. No, the ''fuchsia'' ones go to purchasing and the ''goldenrod'' ones go to Roz. Man, I have no idea what puce is... ''[looks at some reddish-brown files]'' Oh, that's puce. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Celia''': Oh, Michael! I've had a lot of birthdays - well, not a lot of birthdays, but this is the best birthday party ever! What are you looking at? :'''Mike''': I was just thinking about the first time I laid eye on you, how pretty you looked. :'''Celia''': ''[slightly embarrassed]'' Stop it. :'''Mike''': Your hair was shorter then. :'''Celia''': Mm-hmm. I'm thinking about getting it cut. ''[the snakes in her hair look worried]'' :'''Mike''': No-no, I like it this length. ''[the snakes sigh in relief]'' I like everything about you. Just the other day someone asked me who I thought the most beautiful monster was in all of Monstropolis. You know what I said? :'''Celia''': What did you say? :'''Mike''': I said… ''[sees Sulley trying to get his attention]'' Sulley? :'''Celia''': Sulley?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Celia''': Michael?! ''Michael.'' :'''Mike''': ''[gapss]'' Celia?! :'''CDA Agent 3''': ??? :'''Celia''': Ow! Stop pushing! :'''Mike''': ''[???]'' ??? :'''CDA Agent 2''': ??? :'''Mike''': ??? ''[?]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[??]'' :'''Mike''': ''SULLEEEEEEY!'' Oh, Sulley. ''[?]'' ??? ''[to George]'' Randomness :'''George''': Nope! Sorry! :'''Mike''': Oh, Sulley?! :'''George''': ?? ''[???]'' :'''???''': ''[Gasps, then yells]'' 2319!! '''We have a 2319!!!!!''' :'''CDA Agent 2''': George! :'''George''': Oh, dear. ''[???]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Randall''': Wazowski! Where's the kid, you little one-eyed cretin?! :'''Mike''': ''[Strapped down into the Scream Extractor]'' Okay. First of all, it's '''''creetin'''''. If you're gonna threaten me, do it properly. Second of all, you're nuts if you think kidnapping '''''me''''' is gonna help '''''you''''' cheat your way to the top! :'''Randall''': ''[chuckles nastily]'' You still think this is about that stupid scare record? :'''Mike''': Well... I did. Right up until you... chuckled like that... and now I'm thinkin’ I should just get outta here. :'''Randall''': I am about to revolutionize the scaring industry, and when I do, even the great James P. Sullivan will be working for me. :'''Mike''': ??? :'''Randall''': ??? :'''Mike''': ??? :'''Randall''': ??? <hr width=50%/> :'''Sulley''': ''[is fighting the invisible Randall when he is hit with a snowball]'' Mike? :'''Mike''': Look, it's not that I don't care about the kid. :'''Sulley''': Mike, you don't understand. :'''Mike''': Yes, I do. I was just mad, that's all. I needed some time to think, but you shouldn't have left me out there. :'''Sulley''': I'm being attacked! :'''Mike''': No, I'm not attacking you. I'm tryna be honest, just hear me out. You and I are a team. Nothing is more important than our friendship. ''[Boo approaches Mike, frightened]'' :'''Mike''': I-I know, kid. He's too sensitive. ''[Sulley is being strangled]'' Come on, pal. If you start cryin’, I'm gonna cry, and I'll never get through this. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, but I am now. Hey, Sulley, I am baring my soul here. '''''<big>The least you can do is pay attention!</big>''''' :''[he throws a snowball; it hits Randall, making him visible enough for Sulley to knock him out]'' :'''Mike''': Hey, look at that, it's Randall. It's... Oh. ''[Randall comes to]'' :'''Waternoose''': ''[to Randall]'' '''''<big>GET UP! There can’t be any witnesses!</big>''''' :'''Randall''': ''[through gritted teeth]'' '''''<big>There won’t be!</big>''''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Waternoose catches Sulley trying to defend Boo]'' :'''Waternoose''': This has gone far enough, James. :'''Sulley''': She's home now! Just leave her alone! :'''Waternoose''': I can't do that. She's seen too much. You '''''both''''' have. :'''Sulley''': It doesn't have to be this way! :'''Waternoose''': I have no choice! Times have changed. Scaring isn't enough anymore! :'''Sulley''': But kidnapping children?! :'''Waternoose''': ''[raising his voice into a higher tone of rage, making Sulley react in horror and alarm]'' <big>'''I'LL KIDNAP A''' '''''THOUSAND''''' '''CHILDREN BEFORE I LET THIS COMPANY DIE!!!</big> <big><big>AND I'LL SILENCE'''</big></big> <big><big><big>'''''ANYONE''''' '''WHO GETS IN MY''' '''''WAY!!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big> [knocks Sulley aside]'' :'''Sulley''': <big><big><big>'''''NO!!!'''''</big></big></big> :''[Waternoose lunges at the bed, only to find the simulator robot]'' :'''Voice''': Simulation terminated. Simulation terminated. :'''Waternoose''': ''[confused]'' Huh? But... What? :''[the lights come on and it's revealed that Boo's room is really the simulation room; Mike and several CDA agents are standing behind the console]'' :'''Mike''': Well, I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I spotted several big mistakes. You know what? Let's watch my favorite part again, shall we? ''[replays the tape of Waternoose over and over]'' :'''Waternoose''': ''[on tape]'' <big>'''''I'LL KIDNAP A''''' '''THOUSAND''' '''''CHILDREN BEFORE I LET THIS COMPANY DIE! I'LL KIDNAP A''''' '''THOUSAND''' '''''CHILDREN I LET THIS COMPANY DIE! I'LL KIDNAP A''''' '''THOUSAND''' '''''CHILDREN I LET THIS COMPANY DIE!'''''</big>(3x) :'''CDA Agent''': I'll get him. ''[they start arresting Waternoose]'' All right, come with us. Sir. :'''Waternoose''': ''[last words; while being arrested]'' Wha-What are you doing? Get your hands off me! You can't arrest me! ''[to Sulley; enraged]'' I hope you're happy, Sullivan. YOU'VE '''''DESTROYED''''' THIS COMPANY! MONSTERS, INCORPORATED IS '''''DEAD!''''' WHERE WILL EVERYONE GET THEIR SCREAM, NOW?! THE ENERGY CRISIS WILL ONLY GET WORSE… <big>'''''BECAUSE OF</big> <big><big>YOU!!!!!!'''''</big></big> :''[The CDA slams the door shut behind him. Sulley hangs his head, as CDA walks to him]'' :'''Lead CDA Agent''': Stay where you are. Number 1 wants to talk to you. ''[to his agents]'' Attention. :''[The door opens and the CDA agents enter the room, and of course, Roz.]'' :'''Roz''': Hello, boys. :'''Mike and Sulley''': Roz? :'''Roz''': ''[door closes]'' Two and a half years of undercover work were almost wasted when you intercepted that child, Mr. Sullivan. Of course, without your help, I never would have known that this went all the way up to Waternoose. ''[Boo scampers to Mike and Sulley, while the CDA agents back away nervously]'' Now, about the girl... :'''Sulley''': ''[scoops Boo in his arms]'' I just wanna send her home. :'''Roz''': Very good. ''[into wrist communicator]'' Bring me a door shredder. :'''Sulley''': ''[shocked]'' What, you mean... You mean, I can't see her again? :'''Roz''': That's the way it has to be. I'll give you 5 minutes. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Outside the factory, The CDA agents shut Waternoose into the back of the van.]'' :'''CDA Agent''': ''[taps on the door]'' Take him away. :''[The van drives away.]'' :'''Smitty''': I bet we get the rest of the day off. :'''Needleman''': '''YOU IDIOT! They're gonna shut down the factory!''' :''[Everyone is shocked about what Needleman said. Mike and Sulley walk outside.]'' :'''Mike''': I'm tellin' ya, pal, when that wall went up, you should've seen the look on Waternoose's face. Hoo-hoo! I hope we get a copy of that tape. ''[looks at sad Sulley]'' Hey, you alright? Come on, pal, cheer up. We did it! We got Boo home. Ah, sure we put the factory in the toilet, and... gee, hundreds of people will be outta work now. Not to mention the angry mob that'll come after us when there's no more power, but hey! At least we had some laughs, right? :''[As Mike continues walking, Sulley suddenly gets an idea and stops walking.]'' :'''Sulley''': Laughs. == Taglines == * Monsters, Inc.: We Scare Because We Care * You Won't Believe Your Eye. * We Think They Are Scary, But Really We Scare Them! * Since the very first bedtime, all around the world, children have known that once their mothers and fathers tuck them in, and shut off the light, that there are MONSTERS hiding in their closets, waiting to emerge! What they don't know is: it's nothing personal. It's just their job. == Cast == * [[John Goodman]] as James P. "Sulley" Sullivan * [[Billy Crystal]] as Michael "Mike" Wazowski * [[w:Mary Gibbs|Mary Gibbs]] as Boo * [[w:Steve Buscemi|Steve Buscemi]] as Randall Boggs * [[w:James Coburn|James Coburn]] as Henry J. Waternoose III * [[w:Jennifer Tilly|Jennifer Tilly]] as Celia Mae * [[w:Bob Peterson (filmmaker)|Bob Peterson]] as Roz * [[w:Frank Oz|Frank Oz]] as Fungus * [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Yeti the Abominable Snowman * [[w:Samuel Lord Black|Samuel Lord Black]] as George Sanderson * [[w:Dan Gerson|Dan Gerson]] as Smitty and Needleman * [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]] as Thaddeus Bile * [[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]] as Ms. Flint == See also == * [[Monsters University]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title | id=0198781 | title=Monsters, Inc.}} * [http://www.pixar.com/featurefilms/inc/ Official Pixar site] {{Monsters, Inc.}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2001 films]] [[Category:American films]] [[Category:Animated comedy films]] [[Category:Computer-animated films]] [[te:మాన్స్టర్స్, ఇంక్. (సినిమా)]] [[Category:Family films]] [[Category:Films directed by Lee Unkrich]] [[Category:Films directed by David Silverman]] [[Category:Screenplays by Andrew Stanton]] [[Category:Screenplays by Pete Docter]] [[Category:Films directed by Pete Docter]] [[Category:Pixar]] qc60rlnhju440r6sa6ssswln0cr4t97 3949226 3949225 2026-06-05T14:37:51Z ~2026-21258-26 3308661 3949226 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Monsters, Inc. logo.svg|thumb|Since the very first bedtime, all around the world, children have known that once their mothers and fathers tuck them in, and shut off the light, that there are MONSTERS hiding in their closets, waiting to emerge! What they don't know is: it's nothing personal. It's just their job.]] [[File:Erró 01 (6815421917).jpg|thumb|Okay. First of all, it's ''cretin''. If you're gonna threaten me, do it properly.]] '''''[[w:Monsters, Inc.|Monsters, Inc.]]''''' is a [[w:2001 in film|2001]] computer animated feature film, in which, in order to power the city, monsters have to scare children so that they scream. However, the children are toxic to the monsters, and after a child gets through, two monsters realize things may not be what they think. :''Directed by [[w:Pete Docter|Pete Docter]]. Written by [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] and [[w:Daniel Gerson|Daniel Gerson]], based on a story by [[w:Pete Docter|Pete Docter]], [[w:Jill Culton|Jill Culton]], [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]], and [[w:Ralph Eggleston|Ralph Eggleston]]'' {{center/s}}'''Monsters, Inc.: We Scare Because We Care.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]{{center/e}} == James P. "Sulley" Sullivan == * ''[to Mike; silently]'' Ook-lay in the ag-bay. == Mike Wazowski == * ''[imitating Sulley's radio]'' Hey, good morning, Monstropolis. It's now five after the hour of 6:00 A.M. in the big monster city. Temperature's a balmy 65 degrees, which is good news for you reptiles, and it looks like it's gonna be a perfect day to maybe, hey, just lie in bed, sleep in, or simply... ''[raising his voice higher]'' …Work out that's flab that's hanging over the bed! Get up, Sulley! *''[uses an air horn, waking up Sulley]'' * ''[chants]'' I don't know, but it's been said. I love scaring kids in bed! * ''[while Sulley brushes his teeth]'' C'mon, fight that plaque! Fight that plaque! Scary monsters don't have plaque! * Roz, my tender, oozing blossom, you're looking fabulous today. Is that a new haircut? Tell me it's a new haircut. It's got to be a new haircut. New makeup? You had a lift? You had a tuck? You had something? Something has been inserted in you that makes you look like...Listen, I need a favor. * I'm tellin’ ya pal, when that wall went up, you should have seen the look on Waternoose's face. Woo-hoo! I hope we get a copy of that tape. Hey, you all right? Come on, pal, cheer up, we did it. We got Boo home. Sure, we put the factory in the toilet, and, gee, hundreds of people will be out of work now, not to mention the angry mob that'll come after us when there's no more power... but hey, at least we had a few laughs, right? == Randall Boggs == * Do you hear that? It's the winds of change. * ''[to Fungus]'' If I don't see a new door at my station in five seconds, I will personally put you through '''''the shredder!''''' * ''[after whacking Sulley with a scream canister]'' You don't know how long I've wanted to do that, Sullivan! * ''[about to dispose of Sulley]'' Look at everybody's favorite scarer now, you stupid pathetic waste. You've been #1 for too long, Sullivan! Now your time is up! And don't worry. I'll take good care of the kid. == Henry J. Waternoose == * Kids these days. They just don't get scared like they used to. * ''[taken away by the C.D.A.]'' I hope you're happy, Sullivan. You've destroyed this company! Monsters Incorporated is dead! Where will everyone get their scream now?! The energy crisis will only get worse because of YOU! == Dialogue == :''[first lines; after Thaddeus Bile had an accident while trying to scare the child]'' :'''Ms. Flint''': Alright, Mr. Bile, is it? :'''Bile''': Uh, my friends call me Phlegm. :'''Ms. Flint''': Uh-huh. Mr. Bile, can you tell me what you did wrong? :'''Bile''': I fell down? :'''Ms. Flint''': No, no, '''''before that!''''' Can anyone tell me Mr. Bile's big mistake? Anyone? ''[a monster coughs, groans]'' Let's take a look at the tape. Here we go. ''[She rewinds the tape, then plays it. On the monitor, Thaddeus Bile sneaks into the bedroom, leaving the door open.]'' Right... there. ''[image freezes]'' See? The door! You left it wide open. ''[monsters let out a collective "ooh"]'' And leaving a door open is the worst mistake any employee can make because...? :'''Bile''': It could let in a draft? :'''Waternoose''': ''[first words; enters]'' It could let in a '''child!''' :'''Ms. Flint''': Oh, Mr. Waternoose. :'''Waternoose''': There is nothing more toxic or deadly than a human child. A single touch could '''''KILL YOU!''''' Leave a door open, and a child could walk right into this factory. Right into the monster world! :'''Monster #2''': ''[panicked]'' I won't go in a kid's room! You can't make me! :'''Waternoose''': You're going in there because we need this. ''[grabs a scream can and angrily unlocks it, and the sound of children's screams leak out, letting the lights and electric surge, corks it back]'' Our city is counting on you to collect those children's screams. ''[puts down the scream can]'' Without scream, we have no power! Yes, it's dangerous work, and that's why I need you to be at your best. I need scarers who are confident, tenacious, tough, intimidating. I need scarers like... like... James P. Sullivan! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mike''': I'm tellin' you, big daddy, you're gonna be seein' this face on TV a lot more often. :'''Sulley''': Yeah, like on "Monstropolis' Most Wanted"? :'''Mike''': ''[sarcastically]'' Ha, ha, ha, ha. You've been jealous of my good looks since the fourth grade, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Sulley has insisted on walking to work]'' :'''Mike''': You wanna know why I bought the car, Sulley? :'''Sulley''': Not really. :'''Mike''': To drive it! You know, like on the street, with the honk-honk and the vroom-vroom, and the no walking involved? :'''Sulley''': Wa, wa, wa, wa. Will you give it a rest, butterball? C'mon, you could use the exercise. :'''Mike''': '''''I''''' could use the exercise? Look at you! You have your own '''''climate'''''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sulley''': Happy birthday. :'''Celia''': Thanks. So, uh... are we going anywhere special tonight? :'''Mike''': I just got us into a little place called, um... '''''Harryhausen's'''''. :'''Celia''': '''''<big>Harryhausen's?! But it's impossible to get a reservation there.</big>''''' :'''Mike''': ''[walking to the Scare Floor with Sulley]'' '''''Not''''' for Googly Bear. I will see you at quittin' time, and not a minute later. :'''Celia''': Okay, sweetheart. :'''Mike''': Think romantical thoughts. ''[singing]'' You and me, me and you, both of us together! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Randall''': ''[?]'' [[The Nut Job|Hey, watch it!]] :'''Waternoose''': ??? :'''Sulley''': :'''Randall''': ??? :'''???''': ??? :'''Mike''': ??? :'''???''': ??? :'''George''': ??? :'''???''': ??? ''[Gasps, then points to George's back in the sock and yells]'' [[A Streetcar Named Desire (1951 film)|2319!! WE HAVE A 2319!!]] ''[???]'' :'''PA Alert''': ??? :'''Security Camera 1''': ??? :'''George''': Hmm?! ''[???]'' Get it off! :'''Monster 1''': ??? :'''Waternoose''': [[The Fox and the Hound|Aw, not the CDA.]] :'''CDA Agent''': Move, move, move! ''[?]'' ??? ''[???]'' ? ''[??]'' ?? ''[?]'' Stand back. Careful. ''[Randomness]'' ??? :'''George''': Ah, thanks guys, ??? ''[Randoms]'' '''''[[The Lion King 1½|UAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGH!!]]''''' :'''CDA Agent''': ? :'''Waternoose''': ? ''[after the CDA agents solved the 2319 situation on George and shaved him and meanwhile getting himself some coffee]'' Oh, what a day. :'''Sulley''': We're just going through a rough time, sir. Everyone knows you're gonna get us through it. :'''Waternoose''': Tell that to the board of directors. ''[sips his coffee]'' James, this company has been in my family for three generations. I would do anything to keep it from going under. :'''Sulley''': So would I, sir. :'''Waternoose''': Well... Say, I could use your help with somethin'. :'''Sulley''': Anything, sir. :'''Waternoose''': You see, we've hired some new scare recruits and frankly, they're... They're… Um... Uh... :'''Sulley''': ''[confused]'' Inexperienced? :'''Waternoose''': Oh, they stink! :'''Sulley''': Uh-huh. :'''Waternoose''': And I thought maybe you might come by tomorrow and give them a demonstration. Show them what it takes to be a top scarer, huh? :'''Sulley''': I'll start out with the old Waternoose Jump-and-Growl! Argh! ''[jumpscares Waternoose]'' :'''Waternoose''': ''[startled and amused; drops his coffee]'' Aaah! Ha-ha! Ha! Oh, oh, yes. Now, that's my boy. ''[?]'' :'''Monster 1''': ??? ''[???]'' :'''Mike''': ??? :'''Sulley''': ??? :'''Mike''': ??? ''[?]'' ??? :'''Sulley''': ??? :'''Mike''': ??? :'''Sulley''': ??? :'''Mike''': Again?! You know, there's more life than scaring. Whew. Hey, Can I borrow your odorant? :'''Sulley''': Yeah, I got, uh, smelly garbage or old dumpster. :'''Mike''': You got, uh, low tide? :'''Sulley''': No. :'''Mike''': How about wet dog? :'''Sulley''': Yep. Stink it up. ''[???]'' :'''Mike''': ''[to Sulley]'' You know, sometimes I feel so romantic, I think I should just marry myself! :'''Sulley''': Give me a break, Mike... :'''Mike''': What a night of romance I've got ahead of me! Tonight is about me and Celia! ''[imitates a ship’s horn]'' The loveboat is about to set sail! I'm tellin’ ya, pal, I see her face and it makes my heart go-- ''[finds himself face-to-face with Roz]'' YIKES!!! :'''Roz''': ''[sternly]'' Hello, Wazowski. Fun-filled evening planned for tonight? :'''Mike''': Well, as a matter of fact-- :'''Roz''': And I'm '''''sure''''' you filed your paperwork correctly... '''''for once!''''' ''[silence; Mike is brandishing a nervous smile]'' Your stunned silence is '''''very''''' reassuring. ''[leaves]'' :'''Mike''': Oh no, my scare reports! I left them on my desk! If I'm not at the restaurant in five minutes, they're gonna give our table away, what am I gonna tell--?! ''[Celia comes up to Mike]'' Schmoopsie-Pooh. :'''Celia''': Hey Googly-Bear, wanna get going? :'''Mike''': Do I ever? It's just that... Uh... :'''Celia''': What? :'''Mike''': There's a small-- :'''Celia''': I don't understand. :'''Sulley''': It's just ''I'' forgot about some paperwork I was supposed to file. '''''Mike was reminding me'''''; thanks, buddy. :'''Mike''': I was? I mean, I was! Yeah, I was. :'''Celia''': Oh. Okay, let's go then. :'''Mike''': We're going! ''[whispering to Sulley]'' On my desk, Sulley. The '''''pink''''' copies go to accounting, the '''''fuchsia''''' ones go to purchasing, and the '''''goldenrod''''' ones go to Roz. ''[Celia pulls him away; he comes back]'' Leave the puce! ''[gets pulled away again]'' :''[Later]'' :'''Sulley''': ''[to himself]'' So the pink copies go to purchasing, and the fuchsia ones go to Roz. No, the ''fuchsia'' ones go to purchasing and the ''goldenrod'' ones go to Roz. Man, I have no idea what puce is... ''[looks at some reddish-brown files]'' Oh, that's puce. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Celia''': Oh, Michael! I've had a lot of birthdays - well, not a lot of birthdays, but this is the best birthday party ever! What are you looking at? :'''Mike''': I was just thinking about the first time I laid eye on you, how pretty you looked. :'''Celia''': ''[slightly embarrassed]'' Stop it. :'''Mike''': Your hair was shorter then. :'''Celia''': Mm-hmm. I'm thinking about getting it cut. ''[the snakes in her hair look worried]'' :'''Mike''': No-no, I like it this length. ''[the snakes sigh in relief]'' I like everything about you. Just the other day someone asked me who I thought the most beautiful monster was in all of Monstropolis. You know what I said? :'''Celia''': What did you say? :'''Mike''': I said… ''[sees Sulley trying to get his attention]'' Sulley? :'''Celia''': Sulley?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Celia''': Michael?! ''Michael.'' :'''Mike''': ''[gapss]'' Celia?! :'''CDA Agent 3''': ??? :'''Celia''': Ow! Stop pushing! :'''Mike''': ''[???]'' ??? :'''CDA Agent 2''': ??? :'''Mike''': ??? ''[?]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[??]'' :'''Mike''': ''SULLEEEEEEY!'' Oh, Sulley. ''[?]'' ??? ''[to George]'' Randomness :'''George''': Nope! Sorry! :'''Mike''': Oh, Sulley?! :'''George''': ?? ''[???]'' :'''???''': ''[Gasps, then yells]'' 2319!! '''We have a 2319!!!!!''' :'''CDA Agent 2''': George! :'''George''': Oh, dear. ''[???]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Randall''': Wazowski! Where's the kid, you little one-eyed cretin?! :'''Mike''': ''[Strapped down into the Scream Extractor]'' Okay. First of all, it's '''''creetin'''''. If you're gonna threaten me, do it properly. Second of all, you're nuts if you think kidnapping '''''me''''' is gonna help '''''you''''' cheat your way to the top! :'''Randall''': ''[chuckles nastily]'' You still think this is about that stupid scare record? :'''Mike''': Well... I did. Right up until you... chuckled like that... and now I'm thinkin’ I should just get outta here. :'''Randall''': I am about to revolutionize the scaring industry, and when I do, even the great James P. Sullivan will be working for me. :'''Mike''': ??? :'''Randall''': ??? :'''Mike''': ??? :'''Randall''': ??? <hr width=50%/> :'''Sulley''': ''[is fighting the invisible Randall when he is hit with a snowball]'' Mike? :'''Mike''': Look, it's not that I don't care about the kid. :'''Sulley''': Mike, you don't understand. :'''Mike''': Yes, I do. I was just mad, that's all. I needed some time to think, but you shouldn't have left me out there. :'''Sulley''': I'm being attacked! :'''Mike''': No, I'm not attacking you. I'm tryna be honest, just hear me out. You and I are a team. Nothing is more important than our friendship. ''[Boo approaches Mike, frightened]'' :'''Mike''': I-I know, kid. He's too sensitive. ''[Sulley is being strangled]'' Come on, pal. If you start cryin’, I'm gonna cry, and I'll never get through this. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, but I am now. Hey, Sulley, I am baring my soul here. '''''<big>The least you can do is pay attention!</big>''''' :''[he throws a snowball; it hits Randall, making him visible enough for Sulley to knock him out]'' :'''Mike''': Hey, look at that, it's Randall. It's... Oh. ''[Randall comes to]'' :'''Waternoose''': ''[to Randall]'' '''''<big>GET UP! There can’t be any witnesses!</big>''''' :'''Randall''': ''[through gritted teeth]'' '''''<big>There won’t be!</big>''''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Waternoose catches Sulley trying to defend Boo]'' :'''Waternoose''': This has gone far enough, James. :'''Sulley''': She's home now! Just leave her alone! :'''Waternoose''': I can't do that. She's seen too much. You '''''both''''' have. :'''Sulley''': It doesn't have to be this way! :'''Waternoose''': I have no choice! Times have changed. Scaring isn't enough anymore! :'''Sulley''': But kidnapping children?! :'''Waternoose''': ''[raising his voice into a higher tone of rage, making Sulley react in horror and alarm]'' <big>'''I'LL KIDNAP A''' '''''THOUSAND''''' '''CHILDREN BEFORE I LET THIS COMPANY DIE!!!</big> <big><big>AND I'LL SILENCE'''</big></big> <big><big><big>'''''ANYONE''''' '''WHO GETS IN MY''' '''''WAY!!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big> [knocks Sulley aside]'' :'''Sulley''': <big><big><big>'''''NO!!!'''''</big></big></big> :''[Waternoose lunges at the bed, only to find the simulator robot]'' :'''Voice''': Simulation terminated. Simulation terminated. :'''Waternoose''': ''[confused]'' Huh? But... What? :''[the lights come on and it's revealed that Boo's room is really the simulation room; Mike and several CDA agents are standing behind the console]'' :'''Mike''': Well, I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I spotted several big mistakes. You know what? Let's watch my favorite part again, shall we? ''[replays the tape of Waternoose over and over]'' :'''Waternoose''': ''[on tape]'' <big>'''''I'LL KIDNAP A''''' '''THOUSAND''' '''''CHILDREN BEFORE I LET THIS COMPANY DIE! I'LL KIDNAP A''''' '''THOUSAND''' '''''CHILDREN I LET THIS COMPANY DIE! I'LL KIDNAP A''''' '''THOUSAND''' '''''CHILDREN I LET THIS COMPANY DIE!'''''</big>(3x) :'''CDA Agent''': I'll get him. ''[they start arresting Waternoose]'' All right, come with us. Sir. :'''Waternoose''': ''[last words; while being arrested]'' Wha-What are you doing? Get your hands off me! You can't arrest me! ''[to Sulley; enraged]'' I hope you're happy, Sullivan. YOU'VE '''''DESTROYED''''' THIS COMPANY! MONSTERS, INCORPORATED IS '''''DEAD!''''' WHERE WILL EVERYONE GET THEIR SCREAM, NOW?! THE ENERGY CRISIS WILL ONLY GET WORSE… <big>'''''BECAUSE OF</big> <big><big>YOU!!!!!!'''''</big></big> :''[The CDA slams the door shut behind him. Sulley hangs his head, as CDA walks to him]'' :'''Lead CDA Agent''': Stay where you are. Number 1 wants to talk to you. ''[to his agents]'' Attention. :''[The door opens and the CDA agents enter the room, and of course, Roz.]'' :'''Roz''': Hello, boys. :'''Mike and Sulley''': Roz? :'''Roz''': ''[door closes]'' Two and a half years of undercover work were almost wasted when you intercepted that child, Mr. Sullivan. Of course, without your help, I never would have known that this went all the way up to Waternoose. ''[Boo scampers to Mike and Sulley, while the CDA agents back away nervously]'' Now, about the girl... :'''Sulley''': ''[scoops Boo in his arms]'' I just wanna send her home. :'''Roz''': Very good. ''[into wrist communicator]'' Bring me a door shredder. :'''Sulley''': ''[shocked]'' What, you mean... You mean, I can't see her again? :'''Roz''': That's the way it has to be. I'll give you 5 minutes. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Outside the factory, The CDA agents shut Waternoose into the back of the van.]'' :'''CDA Agent''': ''[taps on the door]'' Take him away. :''[The van drives away.]'' :'''Smitty''': I bet we get the rest of the day off. :'''Needleman''': '''YOU IDIOT! They're gonna shut down the factory!''' :''[Everyone is shocked about what Needleman said. Mike and Sulley walk outside.]'' :'''Mike''': I'm tellin' ya, pal, when that wall went up, you should've seen the look on Waternoose's face. Hoo-hoo! I hope we get a copy of that tape. ''[looks at sad Sulley]'' Hey, you alright? Come on, pal, cheer up. We did it! We got Boo home. Ah, sure we put the factory in the toilet, and... gee, hundreds of people will be outta work now. Not to mention the angry mob that'll come after us when there's no more power, but hey! At least we had some laughs, right? :''[As Mike continues walking, Sulley suddenly gets an idea and stops walking.]'' :'''Sulley''': Laughs. == Taglines == * Monsters, Inc.: We Scare Because We Care * You Won't Believe Your Eye. * We Think They Are Scary, But Really We Scare Them! * Since the very first bedtime, all around the world, children have known that once their mothers and fathers tuck them in, and shut off the light, that there are MONSTERS hiding in their closets, waiting to emerge! What they don't know is: it's nothing personal. It's just their job. == Cast == * [[John Goodman]] as James P. "Sulley" Sullivan * [[Billy Crystal]] as Michael "Mike" Wazowski * [[w:Mary Gibbs|Mary Gibbs]] as Boo * [[w:Steve Buscemi|Steve Buscemi]] as Randall Boggs * [[w:James Coburn|James Coburn]] as Henry J. Waternoose III * [[w:Jennifer Tilly|Jennifer Tilly]] as Celia Mae * [[w:Bob Peterson (filmmaker)|Bob Peterson]] as Roz * [[w:Frank Oz|Frank Oz]] as Fungus * [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Yeti the Abominable Snowman * [[w:Samuel Lord Black|Samuel Lord Black]] as George Sanderson * [[w:Dan Gerson|Dan Gerson]] as Smitty and Needleman * [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]] as Thaddeus Bile * [[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]] as Ms. Flint == See also == * [[Monsters University]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title | id=0198781 | title=Monsters, Inc.}} * [http://www.pixar.com/featurefilms/inc/ Official Pixar site] {{Monsters, Inc.}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2001 films]] [[Category:American films]] [[Category:Animated comedy films]] [[Category:Computer-animated films]] [[te:మాన్స్టర్స్, ఇంక్. (సినిమా)]] [[Category:Family films]] [[Category:Films directed by Lee Unkrich]] [[Category:Films directed by David Silverman]] [[Category:Screenplays by Andrew Stanton]] [[Category:Screenplays by Pete Docter]] [[Category:Films directed by Pete Docter]] [[Category:Pixar]] eouj262rky6l32xrgh0ymd5h3ropttm 3949388 3949226 2026-06-06T02:07:52Z ~2026-21258-26 3308661 /* Taglines */ 3949388 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Monsters, Inc. logo.svg|thumb|Since the very first bedtime, all around the world, children have known that once their mothers and fathers tuck them in, and shut off the light, that there are MONSTERS hiding in their closets, waiting to emerge! What they don't know is: it's nothing personal. It's just their job.]] [[File:Erró 01 (6815421917).jpg|thumb|Okay. First of all, it's ''cretin''. If you're gonna threaten me, do it properly.]] '''''[[w:Monsters, Inc.|Monsters, Inc.]]''''' is a [[w:2001 in film|2001]] computer animated feature film, in which, in order to power the city, monsters have to scare children so that they scream. However, the children are toxic to the monsters, and after a child gets through, two monsters realize things may not be what they think. :''Directed by [[w:Pete Docter|Pete Docter]]. Written by [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] and [[w:Daniel Gerson|Daniel Gerson]], based on a story by [[w:Pete Docter|Pete Docter]], [[w:Jill Culton|Jill Culton]], [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]], and [[w:Ralph Eggleston|Ralph Eggleston]]'' {{center/s}}'''Monsters, Inc.: We Scare Because We Care.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]{{center/e}} == James P. "Sulley" Sullivan == * ''[to Mike; silently]'' Ook-lay in the ag-bay. == Mike Wazowski == * ''[imitating Sulley's radio]'' Hey, good morning, Monstropolis. It's now five after the hour of 6:00 A.M. in the big monster city. Temperature's a balmy 65 degrees, which is good news for you reptiles, and it looks like it's gonna be a perfect day to maybe, hey, just lie in bed, sleep in, or simply... ''[raising his voice higher]'' …Work out that's flab that's hanging over the bed! Get up, Sulley! *''[uses an air horn, waking up Sulley]'' * ''[chants]'' I don't know, but it's been said. I love scaring kids in bed! * ''[while Sulley brushes his teeth]'' C'mon, fight that plaque! Fight that plaque! Scary monsters don't have plaque! * Roz, my tender, oozing blossom, you're looking fabulous today. Is that a new haircut? Tell me it's a new haircut. It's got to be a new haircut. New makeup? You had a lift? You had a tuck? You had something? Something has been inserted in you that makes you look like...Listen, I need a favor. * I'm tellin’ ya pal, when that wall went up, you should have seen the look on Waternoose's face. Woo-hoo! I hope we get a copy of that tape. Hey, you all right? Come on, pal, cheer up, we did it. We got Boo home. Sure, we put the factory in the toilet, and, gee, hundreds of people will be out of work now, not to mention the angry mob that'll come after us when there's no more power... but hey, at least we had a few laughs, right? == Randall Boggs == * Do you hear that? It's the winds of change. * ''[to Fungus]'' If I don't see a new door at my station in five seconds, I will personally put you through '''''the shredder!''''' * ''[after whacking Sulley with a scream canister]'' You don't know how long I've wanted to do that, Sullivan! * ''[about to dispose of Sulley]'' Look at everybody's favorite scarer now, you stupid pathetic waste. You've been #1 for too long, Sullivan! Now your time is up! And don't worry. I'll take good care of the kid. == Henry J. Waternoose == * Kids these days. They just don't get scared like they used to. * ''[taken away by the C.D.A.]'' I hope you're happy, Sullivan. You've destroyed this company! Monsters Incorporated is dead! Where will everyone get their scream now?! The energy crisis will only get worse because of YOU! == Dialogue == :''[first lines; after Thaddeus Bile had an accident while trying to scare the child]'' :'''Ms. Flint''': Alright, Mr. Bile, is it? :'''Bile''': Uh, my friends call me Phlegm. :'''Ms. Flint''': Uh-huh. Mr. Bile, can you tell me what you did wrong? :'''Bile''': I fell down? :'''Ms. Flint''': No, no, '''''before that!''''' Can anyone tell me Mr. Bile's big mistake? Anyone? ''[a monster coughs, groans]'' Let's take a look at the tape. Here we go. ''[She rewinds the tape, then plays it. On the monitor, Thaddeus Bile sneaks into the bedroom, leaving the door open.]'' Right... there. ''[image freezes]'' See? The door! You left it wide open. ''[monsters let out a collective "ooh"]'' And leaving a door open is the worst mistake any employee can make because...? :'''Bile''': It could let in a draft? :'''Waternoose''': ''[first words; enters]'' It could let in a '''child!''' :'''Ms. Flint''': Oh, Mr. Waternoose. :'''Waternoose''': There is nothing more toxic or deadly than a human child. A single touch could '''''KILL YOU!''''' Leave a door open, and a child could walk right into this factory. Right into the monster world! :'''Monster #2''': ''[panicked]'' I won't go in a kid's room! You can't make me! :'''Waternoose''': You're going in there because we need this. ''[grabs a scream can and angrily unlocks it, and the sound of children's screams leak out, letting the lights and electric surge, corks it back]'' Our city is counting on you to collect those children's screams. ''[puts down the scream can]'' Without scream, we have no power! Yes, it's dangerous work, and that's why I need you to be at your best. I need scarers who are confident, tenacious, tough, intimidating. I need scarers like... like... James P. Sullivan! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mike''': I'm tellin' you, big daddy, you're gonna be seein' this face on TV a lot more often. :'''Sulley''': Yeah, like on "Monstropolis' Most Wanted"? :'''Mike''': ''[sarcastically]'' Ha, ha, ha, ha. You've been jealous of my good looks since the fourth grade, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Sulley has insisted on walking to work]'' :'''Mike''': You wanna know why I bought the car, Sulley? :'''Sulley''': Not really. :'''Mike''': To drive it! You know, like on the street, with the honk-honk and the vroom-vroom, and the no walking involved? :'''Sulley''': Wa, wa, wa, wa. Will you give it a rest, butterball? C'mon, you could use the exercise. :'''Mike''': '''''I''''' could use the exercise? Look at you! You have your own '''''climate'''''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sulley''': Happy birthday. :'''Celia''': Thanks. So, uh... are we going anywhere special tonight? :'''Mike''': I just got us into a little place called, um... '''''Harryhausen's'''''. :'''Celia''': '''''<big>Harryhausen's?! But it's impossible to get a reservation there.</big>''''' :'''Mike''': ''[walking to the Scare Floor with Sulley]'' '''''Not''''' for Googly Bear. I will see you at quittin' time, and not a minute later. :'''Celia''': Okay, sweetheart. :'''Mike''': Think romantical thoughts. ''[singing]'' You and me, me and you, both of us together! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Randall''': ''[?]'' [[The Nut Job|Hey, watch it!]] :'''Waternoose''': ??? :'''Sulley''': :'''Randall''': ??? :'''???''': ??? :'''Mike''': ??? :'''???''': ??? :'''George''': ??? :'''???''': ??? ''[Gasps, then points to George's back in the sock and yells]'' [[A Streetcar Named Desire (1951 film)|2319!! WE HAVE A 2319!!]] ''[???]'' :'''PA Alert''': ??? :'''Security Camera 1''': ??? :'''George''': Hmm?! ''[???]'' Get it off! :'''Monster 1''': ??? :'''Waternoose''': [[The Fox and the Hound|Aw, not the CDA.]] :'''CDA Agent''': Move, move, move! ''[?]'' ??? ''[???]'' ? ''[??]'' ?? ''[?]'' Stand back. Careful. ''[Randomness]'' ??? :'''George''': Ah, thanks guys, ??? ''[Randoms]'' '''''[[The Lion King 1½|UAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGH!!]]''''' :'''CDA Agent''': ? :'''Waternoose''': ? ''[after the CDA agents solved the 2319 situation on George and shaved him and meanwhile getting himself some coffee]'' Oh, what a day. :'''Sulley''': We're just going through a rough time, sir. Everyone knows you're gonna get us through it. :'''Waternoose''': Tell that to the board of directors. ''[sips his coffee]'' James, this company has been in my family for three generations. I would do anything to keep it from going under. :'''Sulley''': So would I, sir. :'''Waternoose''': Well... Say, I could use your help with somethin'. :'''Sulley''': Anything, sir. :'''Waternoose''': You see, we've hired some new scare recruits and frankly, they're... They're… Um... Uh... :'''Sulley''': ''[confused]'' Inexperienced? :'''Waternoose''': Oh, they stink! :'''Sulley''': Uh-huh. :'''Waternoose''': And I thought maybe you might come by tomorrow and give them a demonstration. Show them what it takes to be a top scarer, huh? :'''Sulley''': I'll start out with the old Waternoose Jump-and-Growl! Argh! ''[jumpscares Waternoose]'' :'''Waternoose''': ''[startled and amused; drops his coffee]'' Aaah! Ha-ha! Ha! Oh, oh, yes. Now, that's my boy. ''[?]'' :'''Monster 1''': ??? ''[???]'' :'''Mike''': ??? :'''Sulley''': ??? :'''Mike''': ??? ''[?]'' ??? :'''Sulley''': ??? :'''Mike''': ??? :'''Sulley''': ??? :'''Mike''': Again?! You know, there's more life than scaring. Whew. Hey, Can I borrow your odorant? :'''Sulley''': Yeah, I got, uh, smelly garbage or old dumpster. :'''Mike''': You got, uh, low tide? :'''Sulley''': No. :'''Mike''': How about wet dog? :'''Sulley''': Yep. Stink it up. ''[???]'' :'''Mike''': ''[to Sulley]'' You know, sometimes I feel so romantic, I think I should just marry myself! :'''Sulley''': Give me a break, Mike... :'''Mike''': What a night of romance I've got ahead of me! Tonight is about me and Celia! ''[imitates a ship’s horn]'' The loveboat is about to set sail! I'm tellin’ ya, pal, I see her face and it makes my heart go-- ''[finds himself face-to-face with Roz]'' YIKES!!! :'''Roz''': ''[sternly]'' Hello, Wazowski. Fun-filled evening planned for tonight? :'''Mike''': Well, as a matter of fact-- :'''Roz''': And I'm '''''sure''''' you filed your paperwork correctly... '''''for once!''''' ''[silence; Mike is brandishing a nervous smile]'' Your stunned silence is '''''very''''' reassuring. ''[leaves]'' :'''Mike''': Oh no, my scare reports! I left them on my desk! If I'm not at the restaurant in five minutes, they're gonna give our table away, what am I gonna tell--?! ''[Celia comes up to Mike]'' Schmoopsie-Pooh. :'''Celia''': Hey Googly-Bear, wanna get going? :'''Mike''': Do I ever? It's just that... Uh... :'''Celia''': What? :'''Mike''': There's a small-- :'''Celia''': I don't understand. :'''Sulley''': It's just ''I'' forgot about some paperwork I was supposed to file. '''''Mike was reminding me'''''; thanks, buddy. :'''Mike''': I was? I mean, I was! Yeah, I was. :'''Celia''': Oh. Okay, let's go then. :'''Mike''': We're going! ''[whispering to Sulley]'' On my desk, Sulley. The '''''pink''''' copies go to accounting, the '''''fuchsia''''' ones go to purchasing, and the '''''goldenrod''''' ones go to Roz. ''[Celia pulls him away; he comes back]'' Leave the puce! ''[gets pulled away again]'' :''[Later]'' :'''Sulley''': ''[to himself]'' So the pink copies go to purchasing, and the fuchsia ones go to Roz. No, the ''fuchsia'' ones go to purchasing and the ''goldenrod'' ones go to Roz. Man, I have no idea what puce is... ''[looks at some reddish-brown files]'' Oh, that's puce. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Celia''': Oh, Michael! I've had a lot of birthdays - well, not a lot of birthdays, but this is the best birthday party ever! What are you looking at? :'''Mike''': I was just thinking about the first time I laid eye on you, how pretty you looked. :'''Celia''': ''[slightly embarrassed]'' Stop it. :'''Mike''': Your hair was shorter then. :'''Celia''': Mm-hmm. I'm thinking about getting it cut. ''[the snakes in her hair look worried]'' :'''Mike''': No-no, I like it this length. ''[the snakes sigh in relief]'' I like everything about you. Just the other day someone asked me who I thought the most beautiful monster was in all of Monstropolis. You know what I said? :'''Celia''': What did you say? :'''Mike''': I said… ''[sees Sulley trying to get his attention]'' Sulley? :'''Celia''': Sulley?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Celia''': Michael?! ''Michael.'' :'''Mike''': ''[gapss]'' Celia?! :'''CDA Agent 3''': ??? :'''Celia''': Ow! Stop pushing! :'''Mike''': ''[???]'' ??? :'''CDA Agent 2''': ??? :'''Mike''': ??? ''[?]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[??]'' :'''Mike''': ''SULLEEEEEEY!'' Oh, Sulley. ''[?]'' ??? ''[to George]'' Randomness :'''George''': Nope! Sorry! :'''Mike''': Oh, Sulley?! :'''George''': ?? ''[???]'' :'''???''': ''[Gasps, then yells]'' 2319!! '''We have a 2319!!!!!''' :'''CDA Agent 2''': George! :'''George''': Oh, dear. ''[???]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Randall''': Wazowski! Where's the kid, you little one-eyed cretin?! :'''Mike''': ''[Strapped down into the Scream Extractor]'' Okay. First of all, it's '''''creetin'''''. If you're gonna threaten me, do it properly. Second of all, you're nuts if you think kidnapping '''''me''''' is gonna help '''''you''''' cheat your way to the top! :'''Randall''': ''[chuckles nastily]'' You still think this is about that stupid scare record? :'''Mike''': Well... I did. Right up until you... chuckled like that... and now I'm thinkin’ I should just get outta here. :'''Randall''': I am about to revolutionize the scaring industry, and when I do, even the great James P. Sullivan will be working for me. :'''Mike''': ??? :'''Randall''': ??? :'''Mike''': ??? :'''Randall''': ??? <hr width=50%/> :'''Sulley''': ''[is fighting the invisible Randall when he is hit with a snowball]'' Mike? :'''Mike''': Look, it's not that I don't care about the kid. :'''Sulley''': Mike, you don't understand. :'''Mike''': Yes, I do. I was just mad, that's all. I needed some time to think, but you shouldn't have left me out there. :'''Sulley''': I'm being attacked! :'''Mike''': No, I'm not attacking you. I'm tryna be honest, just hear me out. You and I are a team. Nothing is more important than our friendship. ''[Boo approaches Mike, frightened]'' :'''Mike''': I-I know, kid. He's too sensitive. ''[Sulley is being strangled]'' Come on, pal. If you start cryin’, I'm gonna cry, and I'll never get through this. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, but I am now. Hey, Sulley, I am baring my soul here. '''''<big>The least you can do is pay attention!</big>''''' :''[he throws a snowball; it hits Randall, making him visible enough for Sulley to knock him out]'' :'''Mike''': Hey, look at that, it's Randall. It's... Oh. ''[Randall comes to]'' :'''Waternoose''': ''[to Randall]'' '''''<big>GET UP! There can’t be any witnesses!</big>''''' :'''Randall''': ''[through gritted teeth]'' '''''<big>There won’t be!</big>''''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Waternoose catches Sulley trying to defend Boo]'' :'''Waternoose''': This has gone far enough, James. :'''Sulley''': She's home now! Just leave her alone! :'''Waternoose''': I can't do that. She's seen too much. You '''''both''''' have. :'''Sulley''': It doesn't have to be this way! :'''Waternoose''': I have no choice! Times have changed. Scaring isn't enough anymore! :'''Sulley''': But kidnapping children?! :'''Waternoose''': ''[raising his voice into a higher tone of rage, making Sulley react in horror and alarm]'' <big>'''I'LL KIDNAP A''' '''''THOUSAND''''' '''CHILDREN BEFORE I LET THIS COMPANY DIE!!!</big> <big><big>AND I'LL SILENCE'''</big></big> <big><big><big>'''''ANYONE''''' '''WHO GETS IN MY''' '''''WAY!!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big> [knocks Sulley aside]'' :'''Sulley''': <big><big><big>'''''NO!!!'''''</big></big></big> :''[Waternoose lunges at the bed, only to find the simulator robot]'' :'''Voice''': Simulation terminated. Simulation terminated. :'''Waternoose''': ''[confused]'' Huh? But... What? :''[the lights come on and it's revealed that Boo's room is really the simulation room; Mike and several CDA agents are standing behind the console]'' :'''Mike''': Well, I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I spotted several big mistakes. You know what? Let's watch my favorite part again, shall we? ''[replays the tape of Waternoose over and over]'' :'''Waternoose''': ''[on tape]'' <big>'''''I'LL KIDNAP A''''' '''THOUSAND''' '''''CHILDREN BEFORE I LET THIS COMPANY DIE! I'LL KIDNAP A''''' '''THOUSAND''' '''''CHILDREN I LET THIS COMPANY DIE! I'LL KIDNAP A''''' '''THOUSAND''' '''''CHILDREN I LET THIS COMPANY DIE!'''''</big>(3x) :'''CDA Agent''': I'll get him. ''[they start arresting Waternoose]'' All right, come with us. Sir. :'''Waternoose''': ''[last words; while being arrested]'' Wha-What are you doing? Get your hands off me! You can't arrest me! ''[to Sulley; enraged]'' I hope you're happy, Sullivan. YOU'VE '''''DESTROYED''''' THIS COMPANY! MONSTERS, INCORPORATED IS '''''DEAD!''''' WHERE WILL EVERYONE GET THEIR SCREAM, NOW?! THE ENERGY CRISIS WILL ONLY GET WORSE… <big>'''''BECAUSE OF</big> <big><big>YOU!!!!!!'''''</big></big> :''[The CDA slams the door shut behind him. Sulley hangs his head, as CDA walks to him]'' :'''Lead CDA Agent''': Stay where you are. Number 1 wants to talk to you. ''[to his agents]'' Attention. :''[The door opens and the CDA agents enter the room, and of course, Roz.]'' :'''Roz''': Hello, boys. :'''Mike and Sulley''': Roz? :'''Roz''': ''[door closes]'' Two and a half years of undercover work were almost wasted when you intercepted that child, Mr. Sullivan. Of course, without your help, I never would have known that this went all the way up to Waternoose. ''[Boo scampers to Mike and Sulley, while the CDA agents back away nervously]'' Now, about the girl... :'''Sulley''': ''[scoops Boo in his arms]'' I just wanna send her home. :'''Roz''': Very good. ''[into wrist communicator]'' Bring me a door shredder. :'''Sulley''': ''[shocked]'' What, you mean... You mean, I can't see her again? :'''Roz''': That's the way it has to be. I'll give you 5 minutes. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Outside the factory, The CDA agents shut Waternoose into the back of the van.]'' :'''CDA Agent''': ''[taps on the door]'' Take him away. :''[The van drives away.]'' :'''Smitty''': I bet we get the rest of the day off. :'''Needleman''': '''YOU IDIOT! They're gonna shut down the factory!''' :''[Everyone is shocked about what Needleman said. Mike and Sulley walk outside.]'' :'''Mike''': I'm tellin' ya, pal, when that wall went up, you should've seen the look on Waternoose's face. Hoo-hoo! I hope we get a copy of that tape. ''[looks at sad Sulley]'' Hey, you alright? Come on, pal, cheer up. We did it! We got Boo home. Ah, sure we put the factory in the toilet, and... gee, hundreds of people will be outta work now. Not to mention the angry mob that'll come after us when there's no more power, but hey! At least we had some laughs, right? :''[As Mike continues walking, Sulley suddenly gets an idea and stops walking.]'' :'''Sulley''': Laughs. == Outtakes/Credits from Dialogue == Randomness == Taglines == * Monsters, Inc.: We Scare Because We Care * You Won't Believe Your Eye. * We Think They Are Scary, But Really We Scare Them! * Since the very first bedtime, all around the world, children have known that once their mothers and fathers tuck them in, and shut off the light, that there are MONSTERS hiding in their closets, waiting to emerge! What they don't know is: it's nothing personal. It's just their job. == Cast == * [[John Goodman]] as James P. "Sulley" Sullivan * [[Billy Crystal]] as Michael "Mike" Wazowski * [[w:Mary Gibbs|Mary Gibbs]] as Boo * [[w:Steve Buscemi|Steve Buscemi]] as Randall Boggs * [[w:James Coburn|James Coburn]] as Henry J. Waternoose III * [[w:Jennifer Tilly|Jennifer Tilly]] as Celia Mae * [[w:Bob Peterson (filmmaker)|Bob Peterson]] as Roz * [[w:Frank Oz|Frank Oz]] as Fungus * [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Yeti the Abominable Snowman * [[w:Samuel Lord Black|Samuel Lord Black]] as George Sanderson * [[w:Dan Gerson|Dan Gerson]] as Smitty and Needleman * [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]] as Thaddeus Bile * [[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]] as Ms. Flint == See also == * [[Monsters University]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title | id=0198781 | title=Monsters, Inc.}} * [http://www.pixar.com/featurefilms/inc/ Official Pixar site] {{Monsters, Inc.}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2001 films]] [[Category:American films]] [[Category:Animated comedy films]] [[Category:Computer-animated films]] [[te:మాన్స్టర్స్, ఇంక్. (సినిమా)]] [[Category:Family films]] [[Category:Films directed by Lee Unkrich]] [[Category:Films directed by David Silverman]] [[Category:Screenplays by Andrew Stanton]] [[Category:Screenplays by Pete Docter]] [[Category:Films directed by Pete Docter]] [[Category:Pixar]] hy7wuzllobj5boyrbs4z9hew9nxatue 0 6566 3949503 3932628 2026-06-06T09:25:52Z Ficaia 3085955 spin off [[Mont Saint Michel and Chartres]] 3949503 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Drawing of Henry Adams.jpg |thumb|A [[teacher]] affects [[eternity]]; he can never tell where his [[influence]] stops.]] '''[[w:Henry Brooks Adams|Henry Brooks Adams]]''' ([[16 February]] [[1838]] – [[27 March]] [[1918]]) was an American historian, journalist, novelist and educator. He was the great-grandson of [[John Adams]], grandson of [[John Quincy Adams]] and son of [[Charles Francis Adams, Sr.]] :See also: ::'''''[[Mont Saint Michel and Chartres]]'' · ''[[The Education of Henry Adams]]''''' == Quotes == [[File:Stone mountain closeup mosaic crop.jpg|thumb|right|It's always the [[good]] men who do the most [[harm]] in the [[world]].]] [[File:Henry Adams1.jpg|thumb| We never despised the [[world]] or its [[opinions]], we only failed to find out its [[existence]].]] [[File:Henry Adams seated at desk in dark coat, writing, photograph by Marian Hooper Adams, 1883.jpg|thumb|Man has mounted [[science]], and is now run away with...Someday science may have the existence of mankind in its power, and the human race commit suicide, by [[w:Global catastrophic risk|blowing up the world]].]] * '''A period of about twelve years measured the beat of the pendulum.''' After the [[United States Declaration of Independence|Declaration of Independence]], twelve years had been needed to create an efficient [[United States Constitution|Constitution]]; another twelve years of [[energy]] brought a reaction against the [[government]] then created; a third period of twelve years was ending in a sweep toward still greater energy; and already a child could calculate the result of a few more such returns. ** ''A History of the United States of America During the First Administration of James Madison'' (1890), Vol. II, Ch. VI: Meeting of the Twelfth Congress; 1921 edition, p. 123 * I disagree with my brother [[w:Charles Francis Adams, Jr.|Charles]] and [[Theodore Roosevelt]]. I think that [[Robert E. Lee|Lee]] should have been hanged. It was all the worse that he was a good man and a fine character and acted conscientiously. These facts have nothing to do with the case and should not have been allowed to interfere with just penalties. '''It's always the good men who do the most harm in the world.''' ** As quoted in ''American Heritage'' (December 1955), p. 44 * Man has mounted [[science]], and is now run away with. I firmly believe that before many centuries more, science will be the master of men. The engines he will have invented will be beyond his [[strength]] to [[control]]. '''Someday science may have the existence of mankind in its power, and the human race commit [[suicide]], by [[Global catastrophic risk|blowing up the world]].''' ** ''Letter to Charles Francis Adams Jr.'', London, 11 April 1862. In J. C. Levenson, E. Samuels, C. Vandersee and V. Hopkins Winner (eds.), ''The Letters of Henry Adams: 1858-1868'' (1982), 1: 290. * I turn green in bed at midnight if I think of the horror of a year's warfare in the Philippines ... We must slaughter a million or two foolish Malays in order to give them the comforts of flannel petticoats and electric railways. ** Letter to Elizabeth Cameron (22 January 1899), in J. C. Levinson ''et al.'' eds., ''The Letters of Henry Adams, Volume IV: 1892–1899'' (Cambridge, MA: Belknap Press, 1988), p. 670 *'''We never despised the world or its opinions, we only failed to find out its existence.''' The world, if it exists, feels exactly in the same way towards us, and cares not one straw whether we exist or not. [[Philosophy]] has never got beyond this point. There are but two schools: one turns the world onto me; the other turns me onto the world; and the result is the same. The so-called me is a very, very small and foolish puppy-dog, but it is all that exists, and it tries all its life to get a little bigger by enlarging its energies, and getting dollars or getting friends. ** Letter to Elizabeth Cameron (13 May 1905), in Worthington C. Ford ed., ''Letters of Henry Adams, Volume 2: 1892–1918'' (Boston and New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1938), p. 451 === ''[[w:Democracy: An American Novel|Democracy: An American Novel]]'' (1880) === [[File:William Notman - Henry Brooks Adams, 1885.jpg|thumb|How ''can'' we all be right? Half of our wise men declare that the world is going straight to [[perdition]]; the other half that it is fast becoming [[perfect]]. Both cannot be right.]] * '''For [[reasons]] which many persons thought ridiculous, Mrs. Lightfoot Lee decided to pass the winter in Washington.''' She was in excellent health, but she said that the climate would do her good. ** Ch. I, first lines * Who, then, is right? How ''can'' we all be right? Half of our wise men declare that the world is going straight to [[perdition]]; the other half that it is fast becoming [[perfect]]. Both cannot be right. ** Madeleine Lee in Ch. IV * I have [[faith]]; not perhaps in the old dogmas, but in the new ones; faith in [[human nature]]; faith in science; faith in the [[w:survival of the fittest|survival of the fittest]]. Let us be true to our time, Mrs. Lee! ** Nathan Gore in Ch. IV * I have got so far as to lose the distinction between right and wrong. Isn't that the first step in [[politics]]? ** Madeleine Lee in Ch. VIII * She regarded men as creatures made for women to dispose of. ** About Madeleine, in Ch. XI * ...any woman will, under the right conditions, marry any man at any time, provided her "higher nature" is properly appealed to. ** Ch. XI * The audacity of the man would have seemed sublime if she had felt sure that he knew the difference between good and evil, between a lie and the truth; but the more she saw of him, the surer she was that his courage was mere moral paralysis, and that he talked about virtue and vice as a man who is colour-blind talks about red and green; he did not see them as she saw them; if left to choose for himself he would have nothing to guide him. Was it politics that had caused this atrophy of the moral senses by disuse? Meanwhile, here she sat face to face with a moral lunatic. ** Madeleine Lee assessing Senator Silas P. Ratcliffe in Ch. XIII === ''[[w:Esther (novel)|Esther: A Novel]]'' (1884) === [[File:WLA amart Adams Memorial.jpg|thumb|I [[know]] of [[nothing]] useful in [[life]] except what is beautiful or creates [[beauty]].]] [[File:Adams Memorial replica.JPG|thumb|The matter was too serious for any treatment but a [[joke]], and joking made it more serious still.]] [[File:Brooklyn Museum - Niagara Falls - Arthur Parton - overall.jpg|thumb|She fell in [[love]] with the cataract and turned to it as a confidant, not because of its [[beauty]] or [[power]], but because it seemed to tell her a [[story]] which she longed to [[understand]].]] * In this atmosphere of [[charity]], where [[all]] [[faiths]] were alike and all professions joined [[hands]], the church and the [[world]] became one. ** On a children's hospital, Ch. III * Wharton was captivated by her sweet face, and tried to make her understand his theory that the merit of a painting was not so much in what it explained as in what it suggested. ** Referring to Catherine Brooke, Ch. III * An [[artist]] must be man, woman and demi-god. ** Mr. Wharton in Ch. IV * '''I know of nothing useful in life except what is beautiful or creates [[beauty]].''' ** Mr. Wharton in Ch. IV * One is a [[saint]] or one is not; every man can choose the career that suits him; but to be saint and sinner at the same time requires singular ingenuity. ** Ch. IV * This view of the case amused Esther for a time, but not for long — the matter was too serious for any treatment but a joke, and joking made it more serious still. ** Ch. VII * [[Mystery]] for mystery [[science]] beats [[religion]] hollow. I can't open my mouth in my lecture-room without repeating ten times as many unintelligible formulas as ever Hazard is forced to do in his church. ** George Strong in Ch. VII * Every one who marries goes it blind, more or less. ** George Strong in Ch. VII * Like most vigorous-minded men, seeing that there was no stopping-place between [[dogma]] and negation, he preferred to accept dogma. Of all weaknesses he most disliked timid and half-hearted faith. He would rather have jumped at once to Strong's pure denial, than yield an inch to the argument that a mystery was to be paltered with because it could not be explained. ** About the Rev. Stephen Hazard, in Ch. VIII * Never was the Church blessed with a stranger ally than this freest of free thinkers, who looked at churches very much as he would have looked at a layer of extinct oysters in a buried mud-bank. Strong's notion was that since the Church continued to exist, it probably served some necessary purpose in human economy, though he could himself no more understand the good of it than he could comprehend the use of human existence in any shape. Since men and women were here, idiotic and purposeless as they might be, they had what they chose to call a right to amuse themselves in their own way, and if this way made some happy without hurting others, Strong was ready enough to help. ** Ch. VIII * I am never afraid of pure [[atheism]]; it is the flabby kind of sentimental [[deism]] that annoys me, because it is as slippery as air. ** The Rev. Stephen Hazard in Ch. VIII * She fell in love with the cataract and turned to it as a confidant, not because of its beauty or power, but because it seemed to tell her a story which she longed to understand. ** Esther Dudley's reaction to [[Niagara Falls]], in Ch. IX *<p>...the huge church [...] was thundering its gospel under her eyes.</p><p>To have Niagara for a rival is no joke. Hazard spoke with no such authority; and Esther's next idea was one of wonder how, after listening here, any preacher could have the confidence to preach again. "What do they know about it?" she asked herself. "Which of them can tell a story like this, or a millionth part of it?"</p> ** Ch. IX * As for broken hearts, no self-respecting young woman shows such an ornament at any well regulated breakfast-table; they are kept in dark drawers and closets like other broken furniture. ** Ch. IX * She broke in with a question that staggered him.<br>"Does your idea mean that the next world is a sort of great reservoir of truth, and that what is true in us just pours into it like raindrops?"<br>"Well!" said he, alarmed and puzzled: "the figure is not perfectly correct, but the idea is a little of that kind."<br>"After all I wonder whether that may not be what Niagara has been telling me!" said Esther, and she spoke with an outburst of energy that made Strong's blood run cold. ** Esther Dudley and George Strong in Ch. IX * Some people are made with faith. I am made without it. ** Esther Dudley in Ch. X * As for myself, if I could have removed my doubts by so simple a step as that of becoming an atheist, I should have done it, no matter what scandal or punishment had followed. I studied the subject thoroughly, and found that for one doubt removed, another was raised, only to reach at last a result more inconceivable than that reached by the church, and infinitely more hopeless besides. What do you gain by getting rid of one incomprehensible only to put a greater one in its place, and throw away your only hope besides? The atheists offer no sort of bargain for one's soul. Their scheme is all loss and no gain. At last both they and I come back to a confession of ignorance; the only difference between us is that my ignorance is joined with a faith and hope. ** The Rev. Stephen Hazard in Ch. X * "Do you really believe in the resurrection of the body?" she asked<br>"Of course I do!" replied Hazard stiffly.<br>"To me it seems a shocking idea. I despise and loathe myself, and yet you thrust self at me from every corner of the church as though I loved and admired it. All religion does nothing but pursue me with self even into the next world." ** Esther Dudley and Stephen Hazard in Ch. X * Esther looked at him with an expression that would have been a smile if it had not been infinitely dreary and absent; then she said, simply and finally:<br>"But George, I don't love you, I love him." ** Ch. X, the last lines of the novel ===[https://www.loc.gov/item/19018407/ The Degradation of the Democratic Dogma] (1919)=== * Energy had a way of coming and going in phases of intensity much more mysterious than the energy itself.<br> * The sun, according to [[John Tyndall|Tyndall]], wasted into space practically all its energy except an [[w: quantum_(disambiguation)|imperceptible]] portion that happened to fall on the earth; but even this portion was not utilizable for human purposes [...] without assistance.<br> * Ice, water, and vapor were phases sharply distinct. So the imperceptible portion of solar energy which fell on the earth, reappeared by some mysterious process, to an infinitely minute measure, in the singular form of intensity known as Vital Energy, and disappeared by a sudden and violent change of phase known as death.<br> * Man had always flattered himself that he knew — or was about to know — something [...] but he invariably found [...] that the more he knew the less he understood. [...] He knew nothing at all ! No one knew anything ** The Problem, pages 148-149<br> * Compared with the superficial and self-complacent [[optimism]] which seems to veneer the surface of society, the frequent and [[tragic]] outbursts of [[physicists]], [[astronomers]], [[geologists]], [[biologists]], and [[sociological]] [[socialists]] announcing the [[Apocalypse|End of the World]], surpass all that could be conceived as a [[Natural]] product of the time. The notes of warning verge on the grotesque; it is [[hysterically]] solemn; [...] a natural shock might easily turn it into a [[Panic at the Disco|panic]]<br> ** The Problem, pages 180 [[-]] 182 {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Never esteem anything as of advantage to you that will make you break your word or lose your self-respect. ** [[Marcus Aurelius]], ''Meditations,'' iii. 7 {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Adams == *Henry Adams had prophesied that the awakening would come before 1940. He missed the year by a trifle. His historic sense was sound. **[[Mary Ritter Beard]], ''America Through Women's Eyes'' (1933) * He used to say, half in jest, that his great ambition was to complete [[Augustine of Hippo|St. Augustine]]'s ''[[Confessions (Augustine)|Confessions]]'', but that St. Augustine, like a great artist, had worked from multiplicity to unity, while he, like a small one, had to reverse the method and work back from unity to multiplicity. ** Adams about himself writing under the name of his friend [[Henry Cabot Lodge]], in the [http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext00/eduha10h.htm Editor's Preface to the 1918 edition of ''The Education of Henry Adams'' (September 1918)] *Adams's skill as a literary craftsman has rarely been excelled by anyone writing in the English language, and certainly by no American historian. Any historian who ventures into territory where Henry Adams trod does so with either trepidation or foolhardy courage—lest one offend not only [[w:Clio|Clio]], the muse of History, but also [[w:Calliope|Calliope]], the muse of Epic Poetry. **[[w:Forrest McDonald|Forrest McDonald]], ''The Presidency of Thomas Jefferson'' (1976), p. vii ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} {{Wikisource1911Enc|Adams, Henry}} {{commonscat}} * [http://www.univie.ac.at/Anglistik/easyrider/data/HAdams.htm Henry Adams, Globe Trotter in Space and Time] *[http://xroads.virginia.edu/~HYPER/HADAMS/ha_home.html ''The Education of Henry Adams'' at the University of Virginia American Studies Hypertext project]. *[http://xroads.virginia.edu/~HYPER/Adams_Mont/cover.html ''Mont Saint Michel and Chartres '' at the University of Virginia American Studies Hypertext project]. *[http://xroads.virginia.edu/~HYPER/ADAMS_HISTORY/cover.html ''America in 1800 ''at the University of Virginia American Studies Hypertext project]. *[http://www.hup.harvard.edu/catalog/ADALHA.html The Letters of Henry Adams] * [http://www.gutenberg.org/browse/authors/a#a798 Henry Adams at Project Gutenberg] **{{gutenberg|no=2815|name=Democracy, an American novel by Henry Adams}} **{{gutenberg|no=14409|name=Esther by Henry Adams}} **{{gutenberg|no=4584|name=Mont-Saint-Michel and Chartres by Henry Adams}} **{{gutenberg|no=2044|name=The Education of Henry Adams by Henry Adams}} * [http://theotherpages.org/poems/poem-ab.html#hbadams Index entry for Henry Brooks Adams at Poets' Corner] * [http://lorrietussman.wordpress.com/the-broken-arch ''The Broken Arch'', an unpublished work by Lorrie Tussman exploring the theme of unity in Western civilization based on the writings of Henry Adams] * [http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=5 Profile at Find a Grave] {{DEFAULTSORT:Adams, Henry}} [[Category:Autobiographers from the United States]] [[Category:Academics from the United States]] [[Category:Historians from the United States]] [[Category:Journalists from Boston]] [[Category:1838 births]] [[Category:1918 deaths]] [[Category:Educators from the United States]] [[Category:Novelists from Boston]] [[Category:Antisemites]] [[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]] [[Category:Harvard University faculty]] [[Category:Harvard University alumni]] [[Category:Adams family|Henry Adams]] cm5wleor7c7bi5o2mpwbm0156x3i1an 3949505 3949503 2026-06-06T09:28:30Z Ficaia 3085955 3949505 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Drawing of Henry Adams.jpg |thumb|A [[teacher]] affects [[eternity]]; he can never tell where his [[influence]] stops.<br>—''[[The Education of Henry Adams]]'']] '''[[w:Henry Brooks Adams|Henry Brooks Adams]]''' ([[16 February]] [[1838]] – [[27 March]] [[1918]]) was an American historian, journalist, novelist and educator. He was the great-grandson of [[John Adams]], grandson of [[John Quincy Adams]] and son of [[Charles Francis Adams, Sr.]] :See also: ::'''''[[Mont Saint Michel and Chartres]]'' · ''[[The Education of Henry Adams]]''''' == Quotes == [[File:Stone mountain closeup mosaic crop.jpg|thumb|right|It's always the [[good]] men who do the most [[harm]] in the world.]] [[File:Henry Adams1.jpg|thumb| We never despised the [[world]] or its [[opinions]], we only failed to find out its [[existence]].]] [[File:Henry Adams seated at desk in dark coat, writing, photograph by Marian Hooper Adams, 1883.jpg|thumb|Man has mounted [[science]], and is now run away with...Someday science may have the existence of mankind in its power, and the human race commit suicide, by [[w:Global catastrophic risk|blowing up the world]].]] * '''A period of about twelve years measured the beat of the pendulum.''' After the [[United States Declaration of Independence|Declaration of Independence]], twelve years had been needed to create an efficient [[United States Constitution|Constitution]]; another twelve years of [[energy]] brought a reaction against the [[government]] then created; a third period of twelve years was ending in a sweep toward still greater energy; and already a child could calculate the result of a few more such returns. ** ''A History of the United States of America During the First Administration of James Madison'' (1890), Vol. II, Ch. VI: Meeting of the Twelfth Congress; 1921 edition, p. 123 * I disagree with my brother [[w:Charles Francis Adams, Jr.|Charles]] and [[Theodore Roosevelt]]. I think that [[Robert E. Lee|Lee]] should have been hanged. It was all the worse that he was a good man and a fine character and acted conscientiously. These facts have nothing to do with the case and should not have been allowed to interfere with just penalties. '''It's always the good men who do the most harm in the world.''' ** As quoted in ''American Heritage'' (December 1955), p. 44 * Man has mounted [[science]], and is now run away with. I firmly believe that before many centuries more, science will be the master of men. The engines he will have invented will be beyond his [[strength]] to [[control]]. '''Someday science may have the existence of mankind in its power, and the human race commit [[suicide]], by [[Global catastrophic risk|blowing up the world]].''' ** ''Letter to Charles Francis Adams Jr.'', London, 11 April 1862. In J. C. Levenson, E. Samuels, C. Vandersee and V. Hopkins Winner (eds.), ''The Letters of Henry Adams: 1858-1868'' (1982), 1: 290. * I turn green in bed at midnight if I think of the horror of a year's warfare in the Philippines ... We must slaughter a million or two foolish Malays in order to give them the comforts of flannel petticoats and electric railways. ** Letter to Elizabeth Cameron (22 January 1899), in J. C. Levinson ''et al.'' eds., ''The Letters of Henry Adams, Volume IV: 1892–1899'' (Cambridge, MA: Belknap Press, 1988), p. 670 *'''We never despised the world or its opinions, we only failed to find out its existence.''' The world, if it exists, feels exactly in the same way towards us, and cares not one straw whether we exist or not. [[Philosophy]] has never got beyond this point. There are but two schools: one turns the world onto me; the other turns me onto the world; and the result is the same. The so-called me is a very, very small and foolish puppy-dog, but it is all that exists, and it tries all its life to get a little bigger by enlarging its energies, and getting dollars or getting friends. ** Letter to Elizabeth Cameron (13 May 1905), in Worthington C. Ford ed., ''Letters of Henry Adams, Volume 2: 1892–1918'' (Boston and New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1938), p. 451 === ''[[w:Democracy: An American Novel|Democracy: An American Novel]]'' (1880) === [[File:William Notman - Henry Brooks Adams, 1885.jpg|thumb|How ''can'' we all be right? Half of our wise men declare that the world is going straight to [[perdition]]; the other half that it is fast becoming [[perfect]]. Both cannot be right.]] * '''For [[reasons]] which many persons thought ridiculous, Mrs. Lightfoot Lee decided to pass the winter in Washington.''' She was in excellent health, but she said that the climate would do her good. ** Ch. I, first lines * Who, then, is right? How ''can'' we all be right? Half of our wise men declare that the world is going straight to [[perdition]]; the other half that it is fast becoming [[perfect]]. Both cannot be right. ** Madeleine Lee in Ch. IV * I have [[faith]]; not perhaps in the old dogmas, but in the new ones; faith in [[human nature]]; faith in science; faith in the [[w:survival of the fittest|survival of the fittest]]. Let us be true to our time, Mrs. Lee! ** Nathan Gore in Ch. IV * I have got so far as to lose the distinction between right and wrong. Isn't that the first step in [[politics]]? ** Madeleine Lee in Ch. VIII * She regarded men as creatures made for women to dispose of. ** About Madeleine, in Ch. XI * ...any woman will, under the right conditions, marry any man at any time, provided her "higher nature" is properly appealed to. ** Ch. XI * The audacity of the man would have seemed sublime if she had felt sure that he knew the difference between good and evil, between a lie and the truth; but the more she saw of him, the surer she was that his courage was mere moral paralysis, and that he talked about virtue and vice as a man who is colour-blind talks about red and green; he did not see them as she saw them; if left to choose for himself he would have nothing to guide him. Was it politics that had caused this atrophy of the moral senses by disuse? Meanwhile, here she sat face to face with a moral lunatic. ** Madeleine Lee assessing Senator Silas P. Ratcliffe in Ch. XIII === ''[[w:Esther (novel)|Esther: A Novel]]'' (1884) === [[File:WLA amart Adams Memorial.jpg|thumb|I [[know]] of [[nothing]] useful in [[life]] except what is beautiful or creates [[beauty]].]] [[File:Adams Memorial replica.JPG|thumb|The matter was too serious for any treatment but a [[joke]], and joking made it more serious still.]] [[File:Brooklyn Museum - Niagara Falls - Arthur Parton - overall.jpg|thumb|She fell in [[love]] with the cataract and turned to it as a confidant, not because of its [[beauty]] or [[power]], but because it seemed to tell her a [[story]] which she longed to [[understand]].]] * In this atmosphere of [[charity]], where [[all]] [[faiths]] were alike and all professions joined [[hands]], the church and the [[world]] became one. ** On a children's hospital, Ch. III * Wharton was captivated by her sweet face, and tried to make her understand his theory that the merit of a painting was not so much in what it explained as in what it suggested. ** Referring to Catherine Brooke, Ch. III * An [[artist]] must be man, woman and demi-god. ** Mr. Wharton in Ch. IV * '''I know of nothing useful in life except what is beautiful or creates [[beauty]].''' ** Mr. Wharton in Ch. IV * One is a [[saint]] or one is not; every man can choose the career that suits him; but to be saint and sinner at the same time requires singular ingenuity. ** Ch. IV * This view of the case amused Esther for a time, but not for long — the matter was too serious for any treatment but a joke, and joking made it more serious still. ** Ch. VII * [[Mystery]] for mystery [[science]] beats [[religion]] hollow. I can't open my mouth in my lecture-room without repeating ten times as many unintelligible formulas as ever Hazard is forced to do in his church. ** George Strong in Ch. VII * Every one who marries goes it blind, more or less. ** George Strong in Ch. VII * Like most vigorous-minded men, seeing that there was no stopping-place between [[dogma]] and negation, he preferred to accept dogma. Of all weaknesses he most disliked timid and half-hearted faith. He would rather have jumped at once to Strong's pure denial, than yield an inch to the argument that a mystery was to be paltered with because it could not be explained. ** About the Rev. Stephen Hazard, in Ch. VIII * Never was the Church blessed with a stranger ally than this freest of free thinkers, who looked at churches very much as he would have looked at a layer of extinct oysters in a buried mud-bank. Strong's notion was that since the Church continued to exist, it probably served some necessary purpose in human economy, though he could himself no more understand the good of it than he could comprehend the use of human existence in any shape. Since men and women were here, idiotic and purposeless as they might be, they had what they chose to call a right to amuse themselves in their own way, and if this way made some happy without hurting others, Strong was ready enough to help. ** Ch. VIII * I am never afraid of pure [[atheism]]; it is the flabby kind of sentimental [[deism]] that annoys me, because it is as slippery as air. ** The Rev. Stephen Hazard in Ch. VIII * She fell in love with the cataract and turned to it as a confidant, not because of its beauty or power, but because it seemed to tell her a story which she longed to understand. ** Esther Dudley's reaction to [[Niagara Falls]], in Ch. IX *<p>...the huge church [...] was thundering its gospel under her eyes.</p><p>To have Niagara for a rival is no joke. Hazard spoke with no such authority; and Esther's next idea was one of wonder how, after listening here, any preacher could have the confidence to preach again. "What do they know about it?" she asked herself. "Which of them can tell a story like this, or a millionth part of it?"</p> ** Ch. IX * As for broken hearts, no self-respecting young woman shows such an ornament at any well regulated breakfast-table; they are kept in dark drawers and closets like other broken furniture. ** Ch. IX * She broke in with a question that staggered him.<br>"Does your idea mean that the next world is a sort of great reservoir of truth, and that what is true in us just pours into it like raindrops?"<br>"Well!" said he, alarmed and puzzled: "the figure is not perfectly correct, but the idea is a little of that kind."<br>"After all I wonder whether that may not be what Niagara has been telling me!" said Esther, and she spoke with an outburst of energy that made Strong's blood run cold. ** Esther Dudley and George Strong in Ch. IX * Some people are made with faith. I am made without it. ** Esther Dudley in Ch. X * As for myself, if I could have removed my doubts by so simple a step as that of becoming an atheist, I should have done it, no matter what scandal or punishment had followed. I studied the subject thoroughly, and found that for one doubt removed, another was raised, only to reach at last a result more inconceivable than that reached by the church, and infinitely more hopeless besides. What do you gain by getting rid of one incomprehensible only to put a greater one in its place, and throw away your only hope besides? The atheists offer no sort of bargain for one's soul. Their scheme is all loss and no gain. At last both they and I come back to a confession of ignorance; the only difference between us is that my ignorance is joined with a faith and hope. ** The Rev. Stephen Hazard in Ch. X * "Do you really believe in the resurrection of the body?" she asked<br>"Of course I do!" replied Hazard stiffly.<br>"To me it seems a shocking idea. I despise and loathe myself, and yet you thrust self at me from every corner of the church as though I loved and admired it. All religion does nothing but pursue me with self even into the next world." ** Esther Dudley and Stephen Hazard in Ch. X * Esther looked at him with an expression that would have been a smile if it had not been infinitely dreary and absent; then she said, simply and finally:<br>"But George, I don't love you, I love him." ** Ch. X, the last lines of the novel ===[https://www.loc.gov/item/19018407/ The Degradation of the Democratic Dogma] (1919)=== * Energy had a way of coming and going in phases of intensity much more mysterious than the energy itself.<br> * The sun, according to [[John Tyndall|Tyndall]], wasted into space practically all its energy except an [[w: quantum_(disambiguation)|imperceptible]] portion that happened to fall on the earth; but even this portion was not utilizable for human purposes [...] without assistance.<br> * Ice, water, and vapor were phases sharply distinct. So the imperceptible portion of solar energy which fell on the earth, reappeared by some mysterious process, to an infinitely minute measure, in the singular form of intensity known as Vital Energy, and disappeared by a sudden and violent change of phase known as death.<br> * Man had always flattered himself that he knew — or was about to know — something [...] but he invariably found [...] that the more he knew the less he understood. [...] He knew nothing at all ! No one knew anything ** The Problem, pages 148-149<br> * Compared with the superficial and self-complacent [[optimism]] which seems to veneer the surface of society, the frequent and [[tragic]] outbursts of [[physicists]], [[astronomers]], [[geologists]], [[biologists]], and [[sociological]] [[socialists]] announcing the [[Apocalypse|End of the World]], surpass all that could be conceived as a [[Natural]] product of the time. The notes of warning verge on the grotesque; it is [[hysterically]] solemn; [...] a natural shock might easily turn it into a [[Panic at the Disco|panic]]<br> ** The Problem, pages 180 [[-]] 182 {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Never esteem anything as of advantage to you that will make you break your word or lose your self-respect. ** [[Marcus Aurelius]], ''Meditations,'' iii. 7 {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Adams == *Henry Adams had prophesied that the awakening would come before 1940. He missed the year by a trifle. His historic sense was sound. **[[Mary Ritter Beard]], ''America Through Women's Eyes'' (1933) * He used to say, half in jest, that his great ambition was to complete [[Augustine of Hippo|St. Augustine]]'s ''[[Confessions (Augustine)|Confessions]]'', but that St. Augustine, like a great artist, had worked from multiplicity to unity, while he, like a small one, had to reverse the method and work back from unity to multiplicity. ** Adams about himself writing under the name of his friend [[Henry Cabot Lodge]], in the [http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext00/eduha10h.htm Editor's Preface to the 1918 edition of ''The Education of Henry Adams'' (September 1918)] *Adams's skill as a literary craftsman has rarely been excelled by anyone writing in the English language, and certainly by no American historian. Any historian who ventures into territory where Henry Adams trod does so with either trepidation or foolhardy courage—lest one offend not only [[w:Clio|Clio]], the muse of History, but also [[w:Calliope|Calliope]], the muse of Epic Poetry. **[[w:Forrest McDonald|Forrest McDonald]], ''The Presidency of Thomas Jefferson'' (1976), p. vii ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} {{Wikisource1911Enc|Adams, Henry}} {{commonscat}} * [http://www.univie.ac.at/Anglistik/easyrider/data/HAdams.htm Henry Adams, Globe Trotter in Space and Time] *[http://xroads.virginia.edu/~HYPER/HADAMS/ha_home.html ''The Education of Henry Adams'' at the University of Virginia American Studies Hypertext project]. *[http://xroads.virginia.edu/~HYPER/Adams_Mont/cover.html ''Mont Saint Michel and Chartres '' at the University of Virginia American Studies Hypertext project]. *[http://xroads.virginia.edu/~HYPER/ADAMS_HISTORY/cover.html ''America in 1800 ''at the University of Virginia American Studies Hypertext project]. *[http://www.hup.harvard.edu/catalog/ADALHA.html The Letters of Henry Adams] * [http://www.gutenberg.org/browse/authors/a#a798 Henry Adams at Project Gutenberg] **{{gutenberg|no=2815|name=Democracy, an American novel by Henry Adams}} **{{gutenberg|no=14409|name=Esther by Henry Adams}} **{{gutenberg|no=4584|name=Mont-Saint-Michel and Chartres by Henry Adams}} **{{gutenberg|no=2044|name=The Education of Henry Adams by Henry Adams}} * [http://theotherpages.org/poems/poem-ab.html#hbadams Index entry for Henry Brooks Adams at Poets' Corner] * [http://lorrietussman.wordpress.com/the-broken-arch ''The Broken Arch'', an unpublished work by Lorrie Tussman exploring the theme of unity in Western civilization based on the writings of Henry Adams] * [http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=5 Profile at Find a Grave] {{DEFAULTSORT:Adams, Henry}} [[Category:Autobiographers from the United States]] [[Category:Academics from the United States]] [[Category:Historians from the United States]] [[Category:Journalists from Boston]] [[Category:1838 births]] [[Category:1918 deaths]] [[Category:Educators from the United States]] [[Category:Novelists from Boston]] [[Category:Antisemites]] [[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]] [[Category:Harvard University faculty]] [[Category:Harvard University alumni]] [[Category:Adams family|Henry Adams]] lxm04n0rbllnw5wnqb8tj7p9zgzmpjc 0 6846 3949215 3917676 2026-06-05T14:09:10Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949215 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Magic School Bus|The Magic School Bus]]''''' is a Canadian-American [[w:Animated series|animated]] [[w:children's television series|children's television series]] based on the [[w:The Magic School Bus|book series of the same name]], which follows a class that goes on fantastical school trips in a magic school bus to learn about science. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12. ==Running gags== :'''Valerie Felicity Frizzle''': As I Always Say. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valerie Felicity Frizzle''': Take Chances, Make Mistakes, Get Messy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valerie Felicity Frizzle''': To the Bus! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valerie Felicity Frizzle''': Bus, Do Your Stuff. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valerie Felicity Frizzle''': Never Say Never. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valerie Felicity Frizzle''': Wahoo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wanda Li''': What Are We Gonna Do? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wanda Li''': You Weaselly Wimps!!! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ralphie Tennelli''': Is it Just Me or...? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ralphie Tennelli''': I Think I'm Gonna Be Sick. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tim Jamal''': According to My Research. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phoebe Terese''': At My Old School... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Keesha Franklin''': Oh bad, Oh bad, Oh bad Bad BAD! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Keesha Franklin''': Let's Get the Facts. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Matthew Perlstein''': I Knew I Should've Stayed Home Today. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Whenever Carlos jokes wrongly.]'': :'''Class''': CARLOS! ==Episodes== [[The Magic School Bus (Season 1)]] [[The Magic School Bus (Season 2)]] [[The Magic School Bus (Season 3)]] [[The Magic School Bus (Season 4)]] ==Cast== *[[w:Lisa Yamanaka|Lisa Yamanaka]] as Wanda Li *[[Lily Tomlin]] as Valerie Felicity Frizzle *[[w:Amos Crawley|Amos Crawley]] as Arnold Matthew Perlstein *[[w:Daniel DeSanto|Daniel DeSanto]] as Carlos Ramon *[[w:Tara Meyer|Tara Meyer]] as Dorothy Ann *[[w:Erica Luttrell|Erica Luttrell]] as Keesha Franklin *[[w:Maia Filar|Maia Filar]] as Phoebe Terese *[[w:Max Beckford|Max Beckford]] as Tim Jamal *[[w:Stuart Stone|Stuart Stone]] as Ralphie Tennelli *[[w:Renessa Blitz|Renessa Blitz]] as Janet *[[w:Malcolm-Jamal Warner|Malcolm-Jamal Warner]] as Production Supervisor ==External links== {{Wikipedia|The Magic School Bus (TV series)}} * {{imdb title|id=108847|title=The Magic School Bus}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Magic School Bus, The}} [[Category:American TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:Animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:Animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Animated science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:Fox Kids shows]] lbla74uw1qtvsbh3agq196cml7yin21 0 6871 3949194 3945770 2026-06-05T13:39:24Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949194 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Animaniacs (season 1)|1]] [[Animaniacs (season 2)|2]] [[Animaniacs (season 3)|3]] [[Animaniacs (season 4)|4]] [[Animaniacs (season 5)|5]] | [[Animaniacs|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Animaniacs|Animaniacs! Starring the Warner Brothers (and the Warner Sister)]]''''' (1993–1998), also known as simply '''''Animaniacs!''''', '''''Animania! Starring the Warner Brothers (and the Warner Sister)''''' or '''''Animania!''''', is an American animated comedy musical television series created by Tom Ruegger. The series premiered on Fox Kids on May 13, 1993. It was moved to Kids' WB on September 9, 1995 and ended on November 14, 1998. The show was aimed at preschoolers, and from ages 3 to 6, but had strongest violent moments, for adults, from ages 18 to 21. ==Seasons== ::[[Animaniacs (season 1)|Season 1]] ::[[Animaniacs (season 2)|Season 2]] ::[[Animaniacs (season 3)|Season 3]] ::[[Animaniacs (season 4)|Season 4]] ::[[Animaniacs (season 5)|Season 5]] ==Songs== {{Main|List of Animaniacs songs}} ==Film== {{Main|Wakko's Wish}} :'''''See also [[The Warners' 65th Anniversary Special]]''''' ==See also== * ''[[Tiny Toon Adventures]]'' * ''[[The Plucky Duck Show]]'' * ''[[Pinky and the Brain]]'' * ''[[Pinky, Elmyra & the Brain|Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain]]'' * ''[[Animaniacs (2020 TV series)|Animaniacs]]'' (2020 TV series) * ''[[Tiny Toons Looniversity]]'' ==Cast== * [[Yakko Warner|Yakko Warner the Yacky Yacker]], [[Dr. Scratchansniff|Scratchy Dr. Otto von Scracthansniff]] and [[Pinky|J. Bob Jones Ostrogaff the Pinky Pink One]] (voiced by {{w|Rob Paulsen}}) * [[Wakko Warner|Wakko Warner the Wacky Snacker]] (voiced by {{w|Jess Harnell}}) * [[Dot Warner|Angelina-Contessa-Louisa-Francesca-Banana-Fana-Bo-Besca "Dot" Warner III the Impossibly Cute One]], [[Hello Nurse]], [[Marita Hippo|Marita the Hippo]], [[Mom (Animaniacs)|Mom]], [[Babs Bunny|Boppin' Babsette "Babs Bunny" Barbara-Anne A. Rodhambunny the Rabbit]] and [[Mary Hartless]] (voiced by {{w|Tress MacNeille}}) * [[The Brain|John Neil Ostrogaff the Brainy Brain]], [[Squit]] and [[Foreman|Mr. Foreman]] (voiced by {{w|Maurice LaMarche}}) * [[Bobby]] (voiced by {{w|John Mariano}}) * [[Pesto]] (voiced by {{w|Chick Vennera}}) * [[Slappy Squirrel|Slappy the Slap-Happy Squirrel]] (voiced by {{w|Sherri Stoner}}) * [[Skippy Squirrel|Skippy the Skip-Hippy Squirrel]] (voiced by {{w|Nathan Ruegger}}) * [[Mindy]] (voiced by {{w|Nancy Cartwright}}) * [[Rita|Smart Rita the Pussycat]] (voiced by {{w|Bernadette Peters}}) * [[Ralph T. Guard]], [[Thaddeus Plotz|Thaddeus P. Plotz]], [[Buttons]], [[Runt|Stupid Runt the Dog]], [[Flavio Hippo|Flavio the Hippo]], [[Chicken Boo]], [[Furrball|Furrball Musk the Pussycat]], [[Little Beeper]] and [[Gogo Dodo|Gogo Wackston "W." the Dodo]] (voiced by [[Frank Welker]]) * [[Minerva Mink|Minerva the Mink]] (voiced by {{w|Julie Brown}}) * [[Mr. Director]] (voiced by {{w|Paul Rugg}}) * [[Pip|Pip Pumphandle]] (voiced by {{w|Ben Stein}}) * [[Baloney|Baloney the Dinosaur]] (voiced by {{w|Jeff Bennett}}) * [[Buster Bunny|Blockbuster B. "Buster J. Bunny" James Fillmore Rodhambunny the Rabbit]] (voiced by {{w|John Kassir}}) * [[Plucky Duck]] (voiced by {{w|Joe Alaskey}}) * [[Shirley the Loon|Shirley McLoon the Loon]] (voiced by {{w|Gail Matthius}}) * [[Fifi la Fume|Fifi la Fume la Skunk]], [[Li'l Sneezer]], [[Margot Mallard]], [[Patmay K. Pig|Patmay K.S. the Pig]] and [[Skunk Goddess|La Skunk Goddess]] (voiced by {{w|Kath Soucie}}) * [[Elmyra Duff|Elmyra Desmond Jessica Duff]] (voiced by {{w|Cree Summer}}) * [[Sphinx|Sphinxy the Sphinx]] (voiced by {{w|Susan Blu}}) * [[MC Skat Kat]] (voiced by {{w|Derrick Stevens}}) * [[Yakety Yak (Yakety Yak, Take it Back)|Yakety Yak]] (voiced by {{w|Dr. John}}) * [[Tibi the Take It Back Butterfly]] (voiced by {{w|Melba Moore}}) ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commons}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:1990s American sketch comedy TV shows]] [[Category:1990s American surreal comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American preschool education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:Crossover animated TV shows]] [[Category:Musical comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Looney Tunes]] [[Category:Animaniacs]] [[Category:ABC animated TV shows]] [[Category:Disney Channel shows]] [[Category:Fox animated TV shows]] [[Category:Fox Kids shows]] [[Category:The WB animated TV shows]] [[Category:Kids' WB shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about orphans]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] oxame6asfkjiadb1tmdy507jyplo8ey 3949199 3949194 2026-06-05T13:45:18Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949199 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Animaniacs (season 1)|1]] [[Animaniacs (season 2)|2]] [[Animaniacs (season 3)|3]] [[Animaniacs (season 4)|4]] [[Animaniacs (season 5)|5]] | [[Animaniacs|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Animaniacs|Animaniacs! Starring the Warner Brothers (and the Warner Sister)]]''''' (1993–1998), also known as simply '''''Animaniacs!''''', '''''Animania! Starring the Warner Brothers (and the Warner Sister)''''' or '''''Animania!''''', is an American animated comedy musical television series created by Tom Ruegger. The series premiered on Fox Kids on May 13, 1993. It was moved to Kids' WB on September 9, 1995 and ended on November 14, 1998. The show was aimed at preschoolers, and from ages 4 to 7, but had strongest violent moments, for adults, from ages 18 to 21. ==Seasons== ::[[Animaniacs (season 1)|Season 1]] ::[[Animaniacs (season 2)|Season 2]] ::[[Animaniacs (season 3)|Season 3]] ::[[Animaniacs (season 4)|Season 4]] ::[[Animaniacs (season 5)|Season 5]] ==Songs== {{Main|List of Animaniacs songs}} ==Film== {{Main|Wakko's Wish}} :'''''See also [[The Warners' 65th Anniversary Special]]''''' ==See also== * ''[[Tiny Toon Adventures]]'' * ''[[The Plucky Duck Show]]'' * ''[[Pinky and the Brain]]'' * ''[[Pinky, Elmyra & the Brain|Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain]]'' * ''[[Animaniacs (2020 TV series)|Animaniacs]]'' (2020 TV series) * ''[[Tiny Toons Looniversity]]'' ==Cast== * [[Yakko Warner|Yakko Warner the Yacky Yacker]], [[Dr. Scratchansniff|Scratchy Dr. Otto von Scracthansniff]] and [[Pinky|J. Bob Jones Ostrogaff the Pinky Pink One]] (voiced by {{w|Rob Paulsen}}) * [[Wakko Warner|Wakko Warner the Wacky Snacker]] (voiced by {{w|Jess Harnell}}) * [[Dot Warner|Angelina-Contessa-Louisa-Francesca-Banana-Fana-Bo-Besca "Dot" Warner III the Impossibly Cute One]], [[Hello Nurse]], [[Marita Hippo|Marita the Hippo]], [[Mom (Animaniacs)|Mom]], [[Babs Bunny|Boppin' Babsette "Babs Bunny" Barbara-Anne A. Rodhambunny the Rabbit]] and [[Mary Hartless]] (voiced by {{w|Tress MacNeille}}) * [[The Brain|John Neil Ostrogaff the Brainy Brain]], [[Squit]] and [[Foreman|Mr. Foreman]] (voiced by {{w|Maurice LaMarche}}) * [[Bobby]] (voiced by {{w|John Mariano}}) * [[Pesto]] (voiced by {{w|Chick Vennera}}) * [[Slappy Squirrel|Slappy the Slap-Happy Squirrel]] (voiced by {{w|Sherri Stoner}}) * [[Skippy Squirrel|Skippy the Skip-Hippy Squirrel]] (voiced by {{w|Nathan Ruegger}}) * [[Mindy]] (voiced by {{w|Nancy Cartwright}}) * [[Rita|Smart Rita the Pussycat]] (voiced by {{w|Bernadette Peters}}) * [[Ralph T. Guard]], [[Thaddeus Plotz|Thaddeus P. Plotz]], [[Buttons]], [[Runt|Stupid Runt the Dog]], [[Flavio Hippo|Flavio the Hippo]], [[Chicken Boo]], [[Furrball|Furrball Musk the Pussycat]], [[Little Beeper]] and [[Gogo Dodo|Gogo Wackston "W." the Dodo]] (voiced by [[Frank Welker]]) * [[Minerva Mink|Minerva the Mink]] (voiced by {{w|Julie Brown}}) * [[Mr. Director]] (voiced by {{w|Paul Rugg}}) * [[Pip|Pip Pumphandle]] (voiced by {{w|Ben Stein}}) * [[Baloney|Baloney the Dinosaur]] (voiced by {{w|Jeff Bennett}}) * [[Buster Bunny|Blockbuster B. "Buster J. Bunny" James Fillmore Rodhambunny the Rabbit]] (voiced by {{w|John Kassir}}) * [[Plucky Duck]] (voiced by {{w|Joe Alaskey}}) * [[Shirley the Loon|Shirley McLoon the Loon]] (voiced by {{w|Gail Matthius}}) * [[Fifi la Fume|Fifi la Fume la Skunk]], [[Li'l Sneezer]], [[Margot Mallard]], [[Patmay K. Pig|Patmay K.S. the Pig]] and [[Skunk Goddess|La Skunk Goddess]] (voiced by {{w|Kath Soucie}}) * [[Elmyra Duff|Elmyra Desmond Jessica Duff]] (voiced by {{w|Cree Summer}}) * [[Sphinx|Sphinxy the Sphinx]] (voiced by {{w|Susan Blu}}) * [[MC Skat Kat]] (voiced by {{w|Derrick Stevens}}) * [[Yakety Yak (Yakety Yak, Take it Back)|Yakety Yak]] (voiced by {{w|Dr. John}}) * [[Tibi the Take It Back Butterfly]] (voiced by {{w|Melba Moore}}) ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commons}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:1990s American sketch comedy TV shows]] [[Category:1990s American surreal comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American preschool education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:Crossover animated TV shows]] [[Category:Musical comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Looney Tunes]] [[Category:Animaniacs]] [[Category:ABC animated TV shows]] [[Category:Disney Channel shows]] [[Category:Fox animated TV shows]] [[Category:Fox Kids shows]] [[Category:The WB animated TV shows]] [[Category:Kids' WB shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about orphans]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] abahf9smedwybrf9v6nevi1qlsxibsp 3949235 3949199 2026-06-05T15:02:51Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949235 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Animaniacs (season 1)|1]] [[Animaniacs (season 2)|2]] [[Animaniacs (season 3)|3]] [[Animaniacs (season 4)|4]] [[Animaniacs (season 5)|5]] | [[Animaniacs|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Animaniacs|Animaniacs! Starring the Warner Brothers (and the Warner Sister)]]''''' (1993–1998), also known as simply '''''Animaniacs!''''', '''''Animania! Starring the Warner Brothers (and the Warner Sister)''''' or '''''Animania!''''', is an American animated comedy musical television series created by Tom Ruegger. The series premiered on Fox Kids on May 13, 1993. It was moved to Kids' WB on September 9, 1995 and ended on November 14, 1998. The show was aimed at preschoolers, and from ages 4 to 7, but had strongest violent moments, for adults, from ages 19 to 22. ==Seasons== ::[[Animaniacs (season 1)|Season 1]] ::[[Animaniacs (season 2)|Season 2]] ::[[Animaniacs (season 3)|Season 3]] ::[[Animaniacs (season 4)|Season 4]] ::[[Animaniacs (season 5)|Season 5]] ==Songs== {{Main|List of Animaniacs songs}} ==Film== {{Main|Wakko's Wish}} :'''''See also [[The Warners' 65th Anniversary Special]]''''' ==See also== * ''[[Tiny Toon Adventures]]'' * ''[[The Plucky Duck Show]]'' * ''[[Pinky and the Brain]]'' * ''[[Pinky, Elmyra & the Brain|Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain]]'' * ''[[Animaniacs (2020 TV series)|Animaniacs]]'' (2020 TV series) * ''[[Tiny Toons Looniversity]]'' ==Cast== * [[Yakko Warner|Yakko Warner the Yacky Yacker]], [[Dr. Scratchansniff|Scratchy Dr. Otto von Scracthansniff]] and [[Pinky|J. Bob Jones Ostrogaff the Pinky Pink One]] (voiced by {{w|Rob Paulsen}}) * [[Wakko Warner|Wakko Warner the Wacky Snacker]] (voiced by {{w|Jess Harnell}}) * [[Dot Warner|Angelina-Contessa-Louisa-Francesca-Banana-Fana-Bo-Besca "Dot" Warner III the Impossibly Cute One]], [[Hello Nurse]], [[Marita Hippo|Marita the Hippo]], [[Mom (Animaniacs)|Mom]], [[Babs Bunny|Boppin' Babsette "Babs Bunny" Barbara-Anne A. Rodhambunny the Rabbit]] and [[Mary Hartless]] (voiced by {{w|Tress MacNeille}}) * [[The Brain|John Neil Ostrogaff the Brainy Brain]], [[Squit]] and [[Foreman|Mr. Foreman]] (voiced by {{w|Maurice LaMarche}}) * [[Bobby]] (voiced by {{w|John Mariano}}) * [[Pesto]] (voiced by {{w|Chick Vennera}}) * [[Slappy Squirrel|Slappy the Slap-Happy Squirrel]] (voiced by {{w|Sherri Stoner}}) * [[Skippy Squirrel|Skippy the Skip-Hippy Squirrel]] (voiced by {{w|Nathan Ruegger}}) * [[Mindy]] (voiced by {{w|Nancy Cartwright}}) * [[Rita|Smart Rita the Pussycat]] (voiced by {{w|Bernadette Peters}}) * [[Ralph T. Guard]], [[Thaddeus Plotz|Thaddeus P. Plotz]], [[Buttons]], [[Runt|Stupid Runt the Dog]], [[Flavio Hippo|Flavio the Hippo]], [[Chicken Boo]], [[Furrball|Furrball Musk the Pussycat]], [[Little Beeper]] and [[Gogo Dodo|Gogo Wackston "W." the Dodo]] (voiced by [[Frank Welker]]) * [[Minerva Mink|Minerva the Mink]] (voiced by {{w|Julie Brown}}) * [[Mr. Director]] (voiced by {{w|Paul Rugg}}) * [[Pip|Pip Pumphandle]] (voiced by {{w|Ben Stein}}) * [[Baloney|Baloney the Dinosaur]] (voiced by {{w|Jeff Bennett}}) * [[Buster Bunny|Blockbuster B. "Buster J. Bunny" James Fillmore Rodhambunny the Rabbit]] (voiced by {{w|John Kassir}}) * [[Plucky Duck]] (voiced by {{w|Joe Alaskey}}) * [[Shirley the Loon|Shirley McLoon the Loon]] (voiced by {{w|Gail Matthius}}) * [[Fifi la Fume|Fifi la Fume la Skunk]], [[Li'l Sneezer]], [[Margot Mallard]], [[Patmay K. Pig|Patmay K.S. the Pig]] and [[Skunk Goddess|La Skunk Goddess]] (voiced by {{w|Kath Soucie}}) * [[Elmyra Duff|Elmyra Desmond Jessica Duff]] (voiced by {{w|Cree Summer}}) * [[Sphinx|Sphinxy the Sphinx]] (voiced by {{w|Susan Blu}}) * [[MC Skat Kat]] (voiced by {{w|Derrick Stevens}}) * [[Yakety Yak (Yakety Yak, Take it Back)|Yakety Yak]] (voiced by {{w|Dr. John}}) * [[Tibi the Take It Back Butterfly]] (voiced by {{w|Melba Moore}}) ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commons}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:1990s American sketch comedy TV shows]] [[Category:1990s American surreal comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American preschool education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:Crossover animated TV shows]] [[Category:Musical comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Looney Tunes]] [[Category:Animaniacs]] [[Category:ABC animated TV shows]] [[Category:Disney Channel shows]] [[Category:Fox animated TV shows]] [[Category:Fox Kids shows]] [[Category:The WB animated TV shows]] [[Category:Kids' WB shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about orphans]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] fnpt3rb92xwfs5ih47mg099up4wu8x7 3949236 3949235 2026-06-05T15:03:24Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 /* External links */ 3949236 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Animaniacs (season 1)|1]] [[Animaniacs (season 2)|2]] [[Animaniacs (season 3)|3]] [[Animaniacs (season 4)|4]] [[Animaniacs (season 5)|5]] | [[Animaniacs|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Animaniacs|Animaniacs! Starring the Warner Brothers (and the Warner Sister)]]''''' (1993–1998), also known as simply '''''Animaniacs!''''', '''''Animania! Starring the Warner Brothers (and the Warner Sister)''''' or '''''Animania!''''', is an American animated comedy musical television series created by Tom Ruegger. The series premiered on Fox Kids on May 13, 1993. It was moved to Kids' WB on September 9, 1995 and ended on November 14, 1998. The show was aimed at preschoolers, and from ages 4 to 7, but had strongest violent moments, for adults, from ages 19 to 22. ==Seasons== ::[[Animaniacs (season 1)|Season 1]] ::[[Animaniacs (season 2)|Season 2]] ::[[Animaniacs (season 3)|Season 3]] ::[[Animaniacs (season 4)|Season 4]] ::[[Animaniacs (season 5)|Season 5]] ==Songs== {{Main|List of Animaniacs songs}} ==Film== {{Main|Wakko's Wish}} :'''''See also [[The Warners' 65th Anniversary Special]]''''' ==See also== * ''[[Tiny Toon Adventures]]'' * ''[[The Plucky Duck Show]]'' * ''[[Pinky and the Brain]]'' * ''[[Pinky, Elmyra & the Brain|Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain]]'' * ''[[Animaniacs (2020 TV series)|Animaniacs]]'' (2020 TV series) * ''[[Tiny Toons Looniversity]]'' ==Cast== * [[Yakko Warner|Yakko Warner the Yacky Yacker]], [[Dr. Scratchansniff|Scratchy Dr. Otto von Scracthansniff]] and [[Pinky|J. Bob Jones Ostrogaff the Pinky Pink One]] (voiced by {{w|Rob Paulsen}}) * [[Wakko Warner|Wakko Warner the Wacky Snacker]] (voiced by {{w|Jess Harnell}}) * [[Dot Warner|Angelina-Contessa-Louisa-Francesca-Banana-Fana-Bo-Besca "Dot" Warner III the Impossibly Cute One]], [[Hello Nurse]], [[Marita Hippo|Marita the Hippo]], [[Mom (Animaniacs)|Mom]], [[Babs Bunny|Boppin' Babsette "Babs Bunny" Barbara-Anne A. Rodhambunny the Rabbit]] and [[Mary Hartless]] (voiced by {{w|Tress MacNeille}}) * [[The Brain|John Neil Ostrogaff the Brainy Brain]], [[Squit]] and [[Foreman|Mr. Foreman]] (voiced by {{w|Maurice LaMarche}}) * [[Bobby]] (voiced by {{w|John Mariano}}) * [[Pesto]] (voiced by {{w|Chick Vennera}}) * [[Slappy Squirrel|Slappy the Slap-Happy Squirrel]] (voiced by {{w|Sherri Stoner}}) * [[Skippy Squirrel|Skippy the Skip-Hippy Squirrel]] (voiced by {{w|Nathan Ruegger}}) * [[Mindy]] (voiced by {{w|Nancy Cartwright}}) * [[Rita|Smart Rita the Pussycat]] (voiced by {{w|Bernadette Peters}}) * [[Ralph T. Guard]], [[Thaddeus Plotz|Thaddeus P. Plotz]], [[Buttons]], [[Runt|Stupid Runt the Dog]], [[Flavio Hippo|Flavio the Hippo]], [[Chicken Boo]], [[Furrball|Furrball Musk the Pussycat]], [[Little Beeper]] and [[Gogo Dodo|Gogo Wackston "W." the Dodo]] (voiced by [[Frank Welker]]) * [[Minerva Mink|Minerva the Mink]] (voiced by {{w|Julie Brown}}) * [[Mr. Director]] (voiced by {{w|Paul Rugg}}) * [[Pip|Pip Pumphandle]] (voiced by {{w|Ben Stein}}) * [[Baloney|Baloney the Dinosaur]] (voiced by {{w|Jeff Bennett}}) * [[Buster Bunny|Blockbuster B. "Buster J. Bunny" James Fillmore Rodhambunny the Rabbit]] (voiced by {{w|John Kassir}}) * [[Plucky Duck]] (voiced by {{w|Joe Alaskey}}) * [[Shirley the Loon|Shirley McLoon the Loon]] (voiced by {{w|Gail Matthius}}) * [[Fifi la Fume|Fifi la Fume la Skunk]], [[Li'l Sneezer]], [[Margot Mallard]], [[Patmay K. Pig|Patmay K.S. the Pig]] and [[Skunk Goddess|La Skunk Goddess]] (voiced by {{w|Kath Soucie}}) * [[Elmyra Duff|Elmyra Desmond Jessica Duff]] (voiced by {{w|Cree Summer}}) * [[Sphinx|Sphinxy the Sphinx]] (voiced by {{w|Susan Blu}}) * [[MC Skat Kat]] (voiced by {{w|Derrick Stevens}}) * [[Yakety Yak (Yakety Yak, Take it Back)|Yakety Yak]] (voiced by {{w|Dr. John}}) * [[Tibi the Take It Back Butterfly]] (voiced by {{w|Melba Moore}}) ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commons}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:1990s American sketch comedy TV shows]] [[Category:1990s American surreal comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American preschool education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:Crossover animated TV shows]] [[Category:Musical comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Looney Tunes]] [[Category:Animaniacs]] [[Category:Fox animated TV shows]] [[Category:Fox Kids shows]] [[Category:The WB animated TV shows]] [[Category:Kids' WB shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about orphans]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] 6vnx2na9y7c89nc9qzhpyw6jgac0gzw 0 8152 3949526 3927913 2026-06-06T10:50:06Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Live-action films */ 3949526 wikitext text/x-wiki '''''Scooby-Doo''''', otherwise referred to as '''''Scooby''''' or '''''Scoob''''' for short, is an American media franchise featuring four teens, Fred, Daphne, Velma and Shaggy, and their talking brown Great Dane named "Scooby-Doo". == Television == * ''[[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]]'' (1969–1970) - the original series aired on CBS. * ''[[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]]'' (1972-1973) - the hour-long version, also airing on CBS. * ''[[The Scooby Doo Show]]'' (1976-1978) * ''[[Scooby and Scrappy-Doo]]'' (1979–present) * ''[[The New Scooby and Scrappy-Doo Show]]'' (1983) * ''[[The New Scooby-Doo Mysteries]]'' (1984) * ''[[The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo]]'' (1985) * ''[[A Pup Named Scooby-Doo]]'' (1988-1991) * ''[[What's New, Scooby Doo?]]'' (2002-2006) * ''[[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]]'' (2006-2008) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]]'' (2010-2013) * ''[[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]]'' (2015-2018) * ''[[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]]'' (2019–2021) * ''[[Velma (TV series)|Velma]]'' (2023-2024) == Specials == * [[Scooby-Doo television specials]] * [[Scooby-Doo direct-to-video specials]] == Films == === Animated films === ==== Animated television films ==== * ''[[Scooby-Doo Meets the Boo Brothers]]'' (1987) * ''[[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]]'' (1988) * ''[[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]]'' (1988) ==== Animated direct-to-video films ==== * ''[[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]]'' (1998) * ''[[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]]'' (1999) * ''[[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]]'' (2000) * ''[[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]]'' (2001) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]]'' (2002) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]]'' (2003) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]]'' (2003) * ''[[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]]'' (2004) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]]'' (2005) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]]'' (2006) * ''[[Chill Out, Scooby-Doo!]]'' (2007) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]]'' (2008) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]]'' (2008) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra-Doo]]'' (2009) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]]'' (2010) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]]'' (2011) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]]'' (2012) * ''[[Big Top, Scooby-Doo!]]'' (2012) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! Mask of the Blue Falcon]]'' (2012) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! Adventures: The Mystery Map]]'' (2013) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]]'' (2013) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]]'' (2013) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]]'' (2014) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]]'' (2014) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]]'' (2015) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]]'' (2016) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! Shaggy's Showdown]]'' (2017) * ''[[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]]'' (2017) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! & Batman: The Brave and the Bold]]'' (2018) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]]'' (2018) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Curse of the 13th Ghost]]'' (2019) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]]'' (2019) * ''[[Happy Halloween, Scooby-Doo!]]'' (2020) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]]'' (2021) * ''[[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]]'' (2021) * ''[[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]]'' (2022) * ''[[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]]'' (2023) ==== Animated theatrical films ==== * ''[[Scoob!]]'' (2020), an American 2020 CGI animated film === Live-action films === * ''[[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]]'', an American 2002 live-action/CGI film ** ''[[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]]'', an American 2004 live-action/CGI film and sequel to the 2002 film * ''[[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins]]'', an American 2009 live-action/CGI film ** ''[[Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster]]'', an American 2010 live-action/CGI film and sequel to the 2009 film * ''Daphne & Velma'' (2018) {{disambig}} [[Category:Scooby-Doo]] lmxw427pmm1od46xtxkna1nqlergcbz 0 8160 3949252 3946307 2026-06-05T15:39:31Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949252 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} {{Ren & Stimpy header}} [[File:The Ren & Stimpy Show Modern logo.png|thumb|Oh, joy!!!]] '''''[[w:The Ren & Stimpy Show|The Ren & Stimpy Show]]''''' (1990 (pilot); 1991-1996 (official)) is a English (Seasons 1-5) (1991-1996)-French (Seasons 1-2) (1991-1993) language American (Seasons 1-5) (1991-1996)-Canadian (Seasons 1-2) (1991-1993)-Quebecois (Seasons 1-2) (1991-1993) 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (traditional, hand-inked, and hand-painted, and hand-colored cel animation (Pilot, and Seasons 1-5) (1990, 1991-1996)/digital inking-and-painting, and coloring animation (Seasons 2-5, and 15 episodes) (1992-1996)) television series created by John Kricfalusi for '''''[[W:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]]''''' (Seasons 1-2) (1991-1993), and '''''[[w:MTV|MTV]]''''' (Season 2) (1993). The show was produced by Spumco (Pilot, and Seasons 1-2) (1990, 1991-1993), Carbunkle Cartoons (Pilot, and Seasons 1-2) (1990, 1991-1993), Nickelodeon (Nickelodeon Productions) (Pilot, and Seasons 1-5) (1990, 1991-1996), Games Productions (Pilot, and Seasons 1-2) (1990, 1991-1993), Games Animation (Seasons 2-5) (1992-1996), MTV Productions (Seasons 2-5) (1993-1996), and MTV Animation (Seasons 2-5) (1993-1996), and was aired on Nickelodeon (Seasons 1-5) (1991-1995), and MTV (Seasons 2-5) (1993-1996) in English, in the United States, and was debuted on August 11, 1991, and ended on October 20, 1996. And the show follows the adventures of titular characters Ren (voiced by John Kricfalusi (Pilot, and Seasons 1-2) (1990, 1991-1993), then Billy West (Seasons 2-5) (1992-1996)), a 28 year old (71 years old (pilot episode), 53 years old (official series) (in dog years)) emotionally unstable, hot-tempered, psychotic, and ''asthma-hound'' chihuahua, and his best friend, Stimpy (voiced by Billy West), a 3 year old (pilot episode), 21 year old (official series) (46 years old (in cat years)) good-natured, dimwitted, and happy-go-lucky Manx cat. The duo were European people, in a unnamed European city, setting around in the 1990s, for the pilot episode, and American people, in the neighborhood of Hollywood, located in the state of California, United States, which was a country in North America, setting around in the 1950s, for the official series. The show was aimed at older children, and teens, and from ages 7 to 14. ==Repeated Quotes== *'''Ren''': YOU....! *'''Stimpy''': Oh, joy!!! *'''Mr. Horse''': No, sir. I didn't love it. *'''Powdered Toast Man''': POWDERED TOAST MAN! == See also == * ''[[Ren & Stimpy "Adult Party Cartoon"]]'' == External Links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Ren & Stimpy Show, The}} [[Category:The Ren & Stimpy Show]] [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:1990s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:1990s American surreal comedy TV shows]] [[Category:1990s American sitcoms]] [[Category:1990s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:American animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Canadian animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Nicktoons]] [[Category:MTV shows]] [[Category:Paramount Network shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about cats]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]] 9fqjydgsrmwwvs46368m0kqio45enjb 3949266 3949252 2026-06-05T16:10:49Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949266 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} {{Ren & Stimpy header}} [[File:The Ren & Stimpy Show Modern logo.png|thumb|Oh, joy!!!]] '''''[[w:The Ren & Stimpy Show|The Ren & Stimpy Show]]''''' (1990 (pilot); 1991-1996 (official)) is a English-French language American-Canadian-Quebecois 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (traditional, hand-inked, and hand-painted, and hand-colored cel animation (Pilot, and Seasons 1-5) (1990, 1991-1996)/digital inking-and-painting, and coloring animation (Seasons 2-5, and 15 episodes) (1992-1996)) television series created by John Kricfalusi for '''''[[W:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]]''''' (Seasons 1-2) (1991-1993), and '''''[[w:MTV|MTV]]''''' (Season 2) (1993). The show was produced by Spumco (Pilot, and Seasons 1-2) (1990, 1991-1993), Carbunkle Cartoons (Pilot, and Seasons 1-2) (1990, 1991-1993), Nickelodeon (Nickelodeon Productions) (Pilot, and Seasons 1-5) (1990, 1991-1996), Games Productions (Pilot, and Seasons 1-2) (1990, 1991-1993), Games Animation (Seasons 2-5) (1992-1996), MTV Productions (Seasons 2-5) (1993-1996), and MTV Animation (Seasons 2-5) (1993-1996), and was aired on Nickelodeon (Seasons 1-5) (1991-1995), and MTV (Seasons 2-5) (1993-1996) in English, in the United States, and was debuted on August 11, 1991, and ended on October 20, 1996. And the show follows the adventures of titular characters Ren (voiced by John Kricfalusi (Pilot, and Seasons 1-2) (1990, 1991-1993), then Billy West (Seasons 2-5) (1992-1996)), a 28 year old (71 years old (pilot episode), 53 years old (official series) (in dog years)) emotionally unstable, hot-tempered, psychotic, and ''asthma-hound'' chihuahua, and his best friend, Stimpy (voiced by Billy West), a 3 year old (pilot episode), 21 year old (official series) (46 years old (in cat years)) good-natured, dimwitted, and happy-go-lucky Manx cat. The duo were European people, in a unnamed European city, setting around in the 1990s, for the pilot episode, and American people, in the neighborhood of Hollywood, located in the state of California, United States, which was a country in North America, setting around in the 1950s, for the official series. The show was aimed at older children, and teens, and from ages 7 to 14. ==Repeated Quotes== *'''Ren''': YOU....! *'''Stimpy''': Oh, joy!!! *'''Mr. Horse''': No, sir. I didn't love it. *'''Powdered Toast Man''': POWDERED TOAST MAN! == See also == * ''[[Ren & Stimpy "Adult Party Cartoon"]]'' == External Links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Ren & Stimpy Show, The}} [[Category:The Ren & Stimpy Show]] [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:1990s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:1990s American surreal comedy TV shows]] [[Category:1990s American sitcoms]] [[Category:1990s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:American animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Canadian animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Nicktoons]] [[Category:MTV shows]] [[Category:Paramount Network shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about cats]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]] rej72vp5d6505ebiunkvo85l4egxovf 0 9621 3949265 3895873 2026-06-05T15:58:03Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949265 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} {{American Dad! header}} '''''[[w:American Dad!|American Dad!]]''''' is an American adult animated comedy sitcom created by created by [[Seth MacFarlane]], [[w:Mike Barker (producer)|Mike Barker]] and [[w:Matt Weitzman|Matt Weitzman]]. ==Seasons== {{col-begin}} ::[[American Dad! (season 1)|Season 1]] ::[[American Dad! (season 2)|Season 2]] ::[[American Dad! (season 3)|Season 3]] {{col-end}} ==Cast== * [[Seth MacFarlane]] - Stanley Smith, Roger Smith, Gregory Corbin * [[w:Wendy Schaal|Wendy Schaal]] - Francine Smith * [[w:Scott Grimes|Scott Grimes]] - Steve Smith * [[w:Rachael MacFarlane|Rachael MacFarlane]] - Hayley Smith * [[w:Dee Bradley Baker|Dee Bradley Baker]] - Klaus, Rogu * [[w:Jeff Fischer (actor)|Jeff Fischer]] - Jeff Fischer ===Also Starring=== * [[w:Curtis Armstrong|Curtis Armstrong]] - Snot * [[w:Mike Barker|Mike Barker]] - Terry Bates * [[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] - Principal Lewis, Tank Bates * [[Patrick Stewart]] - CIA Deputy Director Avery Bullock * [[w:Daisuke Suzuki|Daisuke Suzuki]] - Toshi * [[w:Eddie Kaye Thomas|Eddie Kaye Thomas]] - Barry Robinson ==Related== *''[[Family Guy]]'' *''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' ==External links== {{wikipedia}} * [http://www.tbs.com/shows/american-dad Official site] *{{imdb title|id=0397306|title=American Dad!}} {{Seth MacFarlane}} [[Category:American Dad!]] [[Category:Teletoon at Night shows]] [[Category:2000s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American sitcoms]] [[Category:2000s American surreal comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Crossover animated TV shows]] [[Category:Flash adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated TV spin-offs]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:TV shows revived after cancellation]] [[Category:Fox animated TV shows]] [[Category:Fox sitcoms]] [[Category:Adult Swim shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about dysfunctional families]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about extraterrestrial life]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about fish]] [[Category:American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:Television shows featuring audio description]] [[Category:Television series by Fox Television Animation]] aa7ho8n7s3chqb9fdrwschmddp9sb9y 0 12576 3949197 3946309 2026-06-05T13:42:18Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949197 wikitext text/x-wiki '''Seasons''': [[Arthur (Season 1)|1]] / [[Arthur (Season 2)|2]] / [[Arthur (Season 3)|3]] / [[Arthur (Season 4)|4]] / [[Arthur (Season 5)|5]] / [[Arthur (Season 6)|6]] / [[Arthur (Season 7)|7]] / [[Arthur (Season 8)|8]] / [[Arthur (Season 9)|9]] / [[Arthur (Season 10)|10]] / [[Arthur (Season 11)|11]] / [[Arthur (Season 12)|12]] / [[Arthur (Season 13)|13]] / [[Arthur (Season 14)|14]] / [[Arthur (Season 15)|15]] / [[Arthur (Season 16)|16]] / [[Arthur (Season 17)|17]] / [[Arthur (Season 18)|18]] / [[Arthur (Season 19)|19]] / [[Arthur (Season 20)|20]] / [[Arthur (Season 21)|21]] / [[Arthur (Season 22)|22]] / [[Arthur (Season 23)|23]] / [[Arthur (Season 24)|24]] / [[Arthur (Season 25)|25]] / [[Arthur (Specials)|Specials]] / [[Arthur (Commercials)|Commercials]] | [[Arthur (TV series)|Main]] -------- [[File:ArthurTVLogo.svg|thumb]] {{clear}} {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]''''' (pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2022 (United States); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Canada); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Quebec)) is a English (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-French (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Hindi (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) language American (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Canadian (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Quebecois (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Indian (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Mandarin Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Hong Kong Cantonese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) children's 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (traditional, hand-inked, and hand-painted, and hand-colored cel animation (Seasons 1-5) (1996-2000)/digital inking-and-painting, and coloring animation) (Seasons 1-15) (1996-2012)/2D Flash animation (Seasons 16-25) (2012-2022) (Adobe Flash (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Professional (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Player (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016))/Toon Boom Animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022) (Toon Boom Harmony (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))/Stop-motion (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Object animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Cutout animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Puppet animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))-live-action (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) educational television series, on PBS, from 1996 to 2022, on TVOntario/TVO, from 1996 to 2023, and on TFO, from 1996 to 2023, about a young third-grade aardvark named Arthur Read and his friends, which include his child relatives, who deal with the various troubles of childhood. The show was produced, and co-produced by WGBH Kids (Seasons 12-25) (2008-2022)/GBH Kids (Season 25) (2022), a division of WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, CINAR Productions (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003), and Horn Rims Productions (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022), subsidiaries of CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, Marc Brown Studios (Seasons 5-25) (2000-2022) in the United States, and later Animation Services (Hong Kong), Ltd. (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) in China, and Hong Kong, in association with DQ Entertainment (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012) in India, and distributed by CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, and WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, and was aired on PBS (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) (PTV/PTV Park (1996-1999) (Seasons 1-3)/PBS Kids (1999-2022) (Seasons 4-25)) in English, in the United States, and TVOntario/TVO (TVOKids) (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2023) in English, in Canada, and La Chaine TVO (Season 1) (1996-1997)/TFO (Seasons 2-25) (1997-2023) (Mega TFO (Seasons 1-16) (1996-2013)/Flip TFO (Seasons 16-25) (2013-2023)) in French, in Canada, and Quebec, and was debuted on October 7, 1996, and ended on February 21, 2022. The show was aimed at older children in middle school ages, and from ages 5 to 12. ==Featured Cast== *Michael Yarmush - Arthur (Seasons 1-5, Arthur's Perfect Christmas) *Justin Bradley - Arthur (Season 6) *Mark Rendall - Arthur (Seasons 7-8, redubbed Season 6) *Cameron Ansell - Arthur (Seasons 9-11) *Dallas Jokic - Arthur (Seasons 12-15) *Drew Adkins - Arthur (Seasons 16-17) *William Healy - Arthur (Seasons 18-19) *Jacob Ursomarzo - Arthur (Seasons 20-21) *Roman Lutterotti - Arthur (Seasons 22-25) ==External links== {{wikipedia|Arthur (TV series)}} *[http://pbskids.org/arthur/ Official Website] *[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0169414/ IMDb] *[http://www.tv.com/arthur/show/2804/summary.html TV.com] [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:1990s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:Canadian TV shows with live action and animation]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:PBS shows]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] ewpjd7iwy0jc5u90nxf7mcsfuj0fjgf 3949214 3949197 2026-06-05T14:08:16Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949214 wikitext text/x-wiki '''Seasons''': [[Arthur (Season 1)|1]] / [[Arthur (Season 2)|2]] / [[Arthur (Season 3)|3]] / [[Arthur (Season 4)|4]] / [[Arthur (Season 5)|5]] / [[Arthur (Season 6)|6]] / [[Arthur (Season 7)|7]] / [[Arthur (Season 8)|8]] / [[Arthur (Season 9)|9]] / [[Arthur (Season 10)|10]] / [[Arthur (Season 11)|11]] / [[Arthur (Season 12)|12]] / [[Arthur (Season 13)|13]] / [[Arthur (Season 14)|14]] / [[Arthur (Season 15)|15]] / [[Arthur (Season 16)|16]] / [[Arthur (Season 17)|17]] / [[Arthur (Season 18)|18]] / [[Arthur (Season 19)|19]] / [[Arthur (Season 20)|20]] / [[Arthur (Season 21)|21]] / [[Arthur (Season 22)|22]] / [[Arthur (Season 23)|23]] / [[Arthur (Season 24)|24]] / [[Arthur (Season 25)|25]] / [[Arthur (Specials)|Specials]] / [[Arthur (Commercials)|Commercials]] | [[Arthur (TV series)|Main]] -------- [[File:ArthurTVLogo.svg|thumb]] {{clear}} {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]''''' (pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2022 (United States); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Canada); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Quebec)) is a English (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-French (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Hindi (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) language American (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Canadian (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Quebecois (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Indian (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Mandarin Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Hong Kong Cantonese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) children's 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (traditional, hand-inked, and hand-painted, and hand-colored cel animation (Seasons 1-5) (1996-2000)/digital inking-and-painting, and coloring animation) (Seasons 1-15) (1996-2012)/2D Flash animation (Seasons 16-25) (2012-2022) (Adobe Flash (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Professional (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Player (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016))/Toon Boom Animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022) (Toon Boom Harmony (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))/Stop-motion (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Object animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Cutout animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Puppet animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))-live-action (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) educational television series, on PBS, from 1996 to 2022, on TVOntario/TVO, from 1996 to 2023, and on TFO, from 1996 to 2023, about a young third-grade aardvark named Arthur Read and his friends, which include his child relatives, who deal with the various troubles of childhood. The show was produced, and co-produced by WGBH Kids (Seasons 12-25) (2008-2022)/GBH Kids (Season 25) (2022), a division of WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, CINAR Productions (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003), and Horn Rims Productions (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022), subsidiaries of CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, Marc Brown Studios (Seasons 5-25) (2000-2022) in the United States, and later Animation Services (Hong Kong), Ltd. (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) in China, and Hong Kong, in association with DQ Entertainment (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012) in India, and distributed by CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, and WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, and was aired on PBS (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) (PTV/PTV Park (1996-1999) (Seasons 1-3)/PBS Kids (1999-2022) (Seasons 4-25)) in English, in the United States, and TVOntario/TVO (TVOKids) (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2023) in English, in Canada, and La Chaine TVO (Season 1) (1996-1997)/TFO (Seasons 2-25) (1997-2023) (Mega TFO (Seasons 1-16) (1996-2013)/Flip TFO (Seasons 16-25) (2013-2023)) in French, in Canada, and Quebec, and was debuted on October 7, 1996, and ended on February 21, 2022. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12. ==Featured Cast== *Michael Yarmush - Arthur (Seasons 1-5, Arthur's Perfect Christmas) *Justin Bradley - Arthur (Season 6) *Mark Rendall - Arthur (Seasons 7-8, redubbed Season 6) *Cameron Ansell - Arthur (Seasons 9-11) *Dallas Jokic - Arthur (Seasons 12-15) *Drew Adkins - Arthur (Seasons 16-17) *William Healy - Arthur (Seasons 18-19) *Jacob Ursomarzo - Arthur (Seasons 20-21) *Roman Lutterotti - Arthur (Seasons 22-25) ==External links== {{wikipedia|Arthur (TV series)}} *[http://pbskids.org/arthur/ Official Website] *[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0169414/ IMDb] *[http://www.tv.com/arthur/show/2804/summary.html TV.com] [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:1990s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:Canadian TV shows with live action and animation]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:PBS shows]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] qt6luua14tvtcn90nwpkxjx2z09zfkc 0 12777 3949340 3878342 2026-06-05T23:01:42Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949340 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Danger Mouse (1981 TV series)|Danger Mouse]]''''' ''(1981-1992)'' was a children's animated TV show, created by for [[w:Cosgrove Hall|Cosgrove Hall]], and featured the voice talents of [[w:David Jason|David Jason]], [[Terry Scott]], [[w:Edward Kelsey|Edward Kelsey]] and [[w:Brian Trueman|Brian Trueman]]. ==Catchphrases== :'''[[w:Danger Mouse (TV series)|Danger Mouse]]''': Penfold, shush. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Danger Mouse''': Good grief! <hr width=50%> :'''Penfold''': Oh, crumbs!/Oh carrots!/Oh crikey!/Cor! <hr width=50%> :'''Stiletto''': Si, Barone. <hr width=50%> :'''Grovel''': I'm sorry! I'm sorry, master! ==Unidentified Episodes== === Narrator === :'''Narrator''': London, one of the nerve centers of world government. And in the midst of a complex web of streets and buildings, in a quiet corner of Mayfair, lives the greatest guardian of peace and justice in the civilized world. A secret agent so secret that even his codename has a codename. Yes, Danger Mouse! To the down-trodden, a hero! To the evil, a ruthless enemy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Narrator''': Danger Mouse's trusted assistant, Ernest Penfold. Codename: The Jigsaw, because when he's faced with a problem, he goes to pieces. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Penfold falls through the air at the end of the episode]'' :'''Narrator''': Will it be Isaac Newton 1: Penfold nil? Tune in next time to find out! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Narrator''': London. And in mild Mayfair, within a peculiar perpendicular pillar box, disguised dome of the death-defying duo, Danger Mouse the Daring and Penfold the Pathetic! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Narrator''': And so we come to the confusion of another classically confusing conflict. Can the wretched robot be reconstructed or will he end up as rabbit rubbish? And what of Quark? Quark! Oh, gosh. To find out, join the tune, and see the next adventure of Danger ''Moose'', I mean, ''Mouse''. Sorry about that, J.J., or Jimmy, or...''[fade out]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Narrator''': London: Home of the elastic ruler, the clockwork lamppost and the inflatable knitting needle. A peaceful city, a city where, for once, there are no crimes, no adventures and no villains. Where nothing disturbs the cheery rustle of litter, the nimble dance of the pickpockets' fingers, and the soft swish of a shark's fin cutting through the tarmac. One of my better days. In fact, w--SHARK'S FIN? No, look, I was ''promised!'' They said there wouldn't be any--oh, DRAT. Not the blessed pillarbox! Not the world's greatest secret agent again! Oh really, this is too ridiculous! ''They said I could do poetry, I want to do poetry...!'' <hr width=50%> :'''Danger Mouse''':Good heavens, Penfold. I never knew you could run like that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Danger Mouse''': By the way, Penfold, your library books are overdue! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Danger Mouse''': Ah, that'll be Colonel K. Let's see what he wants, Penfold. === Penfold === :'''Penfold''': There's loyalty and loyalty, you know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penfold''': ''(as Blue Flash)'' Ha, ha! Now you have no need to fear! Your hero, the Blue Flash is here! Fruit drops! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penfold''': ''(as Blue Flash)'' Cor! Superhero is how I'm feeling! Hope the chief's not cross about his ceiling, but now the real me has been unfurled, and I'm the greatest in the world! Fruit drops! === Colonel K. === :'''Colonel K.''': Ah, DM! Good show! === Grovel === :'''Grovel''': Oh, dear. So sorry about this, especially with us being two or three of a kind, but you know how it is! === Other=== :''[Danger Mouse crashes through a brick wall]'' :'''Penfold''': Oh, doesn't that hurt, Chief? :'''Danger Mouse''': No, didn't feel a thing! ''[he faints]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Danger Mouse and Penfold are standing below the wall of Greenback's castle]'' :'''Danger Mouse''': Um, hello? Excuse me? Can we have our ball back, please? I... :''[a fizzing bomb is dropped into his hand]'' :'''Danger Mouse''': Oh, thanks very much! :'''Penfold''': D.M! Look out! It's a bomb! :'''Danger Mouse''': Hmm? Oh yes, I know it's a buh-buh-buh-buh, buh-buh-buh-buh, a b-, a b-, a ''bomb''! :[''BOOM!''] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Danger Mouse is being dangled over the snapping jaws of a crocodile]'' :'''Penfold''': We could have had a weekend in Brighton! :'''Danger Mouse''': I do not wish to know that, Penfold! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Penfold answers the intercom]'' :'''Penfold:''' Hello? :'''Stilleto's voice:''' Delivery for Mr. Mouse. :'''Penfold:''' Just pop it in the lift, will you? :'''Stilleto's voice:''' Okay! ''[snickers]'' :'''Danger Mouse:''' What is it, Penfold? :'''Penfold:''' Well, they're sort of... they're too... ''[shrieks and flees as snapper robots enter the room]'' :'''DM:''' Sort of what, Penfold? :'''Penfold:''' Sort of unfriendly-like! :'''DM:''' Good heavens, Penfold! I never knew you could run like that! Now just keep calm! :''[Penfold screams]'' :'''DM''': And lead them over here, will you? By the way, Penfold...your library books are overdue. :'''Penfold''': Uh, sorry, sir...sorry! ''[screams]'' :'''DM''': The things that lad reads! "Jake Thunder, Superspy"! ''[crushes robots with books]'' Why, it's absolute rubbish! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Danger Mouse''': ''[Looking at sign on door that reads C.H.M.F.F.G.]'' Look, Penfold... look what it says on that door. :'''Penfold''': Oh, yes..."Chi-muff-guh". :'''DM''': "Chi-mu--" No, Penfold, it stands for 'Car Holding Magnetic Force Field Generator'. :'''Penfold''': 'Cor...how'd you figure that? :'''DM''': Mm. ''[confidentially]'' I read the script. :'''Penfold''': Ooh, naughty Danger Mouse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Colonel K''': Good show, DM. Weel dine. :'''Penfold''': Weel dine? :'''Colonel K''': Oh drat I mean well done. <hr width="50%"/> :'''DM''': You must stop this, Master Lobsnit. :'''Lobsnit''': Never, Never, Never!! Or perhaps onto the 2nd floor. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stiletto''': Fancy you, I was just looking for... :'''Penfold''': House of ''[laughs]'' :'''Danger Mouse''': Don't take it easy, Penfold. This is no real person, this is the Baron's henchman! :'''Penfold''': Not Stiletto! :'''Stiletto''': Yeah, Signora Mafiosa to you. Peasant. So sorry I can't wait to talk. Ulamanergick! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baron Greenback:''' So, they think my little snippersnappers will lead them to my hideout. Well, I have news for them, eh, Nero? :''[Nero giggles]'' :''[The snapper robots explode]'' :'''Penfold:''' Crumbs! I didn't touch anything! It wasn't me, sir! :'''Danger Mouse:''' It's all right, Penfold. It self-destructed. :'''Penfold:''' Self-destructed? :'''DM:''' Yes. You know, that echo sounded just like you! Anyways, yes. That must mean we're close to its base. We'd better split up! :'''Penfold:''' Right, sir. Uh, can I split up and come with you? :'''DM:''' No, Penfold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Colonel K.:''' Ah, DM, good show! :'''Danger Mouse:''' Yes, Colonel? :'''Colonel K.:''' Our spotters have spied a spaceship! :'''DM:''' Spied a spaceship? :'''Colonel K.:''' Precisely! Now I want you two to go out and investigate before this alien, whoever he is, starts trouble! :'''Penfold:''' Trouble, Colonel? :'''Colonel:''' Right, interfering with our radio transmission... :''[signal interference, J.J. Quark appears on screen]'' :'''Quark:''' Right, you lot! Stop your blubbering! :'''DM:''' You lot? :'''Quark:''' My name is Quark. J.J. Quark. :'''DM:''' Oh, really? :'''Quark:''' I'm from a planet far beyond your kin, you kin! And I'm the owner of planet Earth! :'''DM:''' You're what?! :'''Quark:''' This is a cosmic charter, giving Earth to my great-great-great-great grandfather! Anyway, I'm on my way to take over! And if there's any argument from anyone, I'll paralyze his particles, you kin! :''[signal interference, Colonel K. returns]'' :'''Colonel K.:''' I say, did you chaps get an alien chappie on your screen just now? :'''Penfold:''' Aye! Uh, yes, Colonel! :'''Colonel K.:''' Talk in a foreign language? :'''DM:''' More or less, Colonel. Says he's going to take over planet Earth! :'''Colonel K.:''' Great Scot! Better get after them! Stop them right now! :'''DM:''' Right, sir! Come on, Penfold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Count Duckula''': He who sheds his blood with me shall be my supper! <hr width="50%"/> ==Cast== *[[w:David Jason|David Jason]] *[[Terry Scott]] *[[w:Edward Kelsey|Edward Kelsey]] *[[w:Brian Trueman|Brian Trueman]] == External Links == * {{imdb title|id=0081848|title=Danger Mouse}} Amy as Martha - Official Site * The Magic School Bus & Littlest Pet Shop [[Category:1980s UK animated TV shows]] [[Category:1990s UK animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:UK children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:UK children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Superhero comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about mice and rats]] [[Category:ITV shows]] [[Category:Nickelodeon shows]] [[Category:HBO shows]] ie54y042dlmio3h1b12n3o9kdc9mamq 0 13271 3949263 3945225 2026-06-05T15:56:58Z ~2026-33378-47 3336860 /* Enterprising Engines (1968) */ 3949263 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Railway Series|The Railway Series]]''''' (1945-1946, 1948-1970, 1972, 1983-1996, 2007, 2011) is a set of story books about a fictional railway located on the fictional Island of Sodor and the engines that lived on it. Note: This article generally contains quotes from stories that have not been adapted for the television series ''[[Thomas and Friends]]''. == The 3 Railway Engines (1945) == * === Edward's Day Out === === Edward and Gordon === === The Sad Story of Henry === === Edward, Gordon and Henry === == Thomas the Tank Engine (1946) == === Thomas and Gordon === * Thomas was a tank engine who lived at a Big Station. He had six small wheels, a short stumpy funnel, a short stumpy boiler, and a short stumpy dome. &ndash; ''Thomas the Tank Engine'' === Thomas's Train === === Thomas and the Trucks === === Thomas and the Breakdown Train === == James the Red Engine (1948) == === James and the Top Hat === === James and the Bootlace === Narrator: The next morning, The Fat Controller spoke severely to James. The Fat Controller: If you can’t behave, i shall take away your red coat and have you painted blue. So there! Narrator: James didn’t like that at all. === Troublesome Trucks === === James and the Express === == Tank Engine Thomas Again (1949) == === Thomas and the Guard === === Thomas Goes Fishing === === Thomas, Terence and the Snow === === Thomas and Bertie === == Troublesome Engines (1950) == === Henry and the Elephant === === Tenders and Turntables === === Trouble in the Shed === === Percy Runs Away === == Henry the Green Engine (1951) == === Coal === === The Flying Kipper === === Gordon's Whistle === === Percy and the Trousers === === Henry's Sneeze === == Toby the Tram Engine (1952) == === Toby and the Stout Gentleman === === Thomas in Trouble === === Dirty Objects === === Mrs. Kyndley's Christmas === == Gordon the Big Engine (1953) == === Off the Rails === :'''Schoolboys''': ''[singing]'' Silly old Gordon fell in a ditch, Fell in a ditch, fell in a ditch. Silly old Gordon fell in a ditch, All on a Monday morning. === Leaves === === Down the Mine === Narrator: One day, Thomas was at the junction, when Gordon shuffled in with some trucks. Thomas: Poh! What a funny smell. Can you smell a smell? Annie: I can’t smell a smell. Thomas: A funny musty sort of smell. Gordon: No one noticed it to you did. It must be yours. Narrator: Not that long ago, he had fallen into a dirty ditch, Thomas enjoyed teasing him about it. Thomas: Annie, Clarabel. Do you know what i think it is? It’s ditch water. Narrator: Before Gordon could answer, Thomas puffed away. Annie and Clarabel could hardly believe their ears. Annie and Clarabel: He’s dreadfully rude, i feel quite ashamed. I feel quite ashamed, he’s dreadfully rude. You mustn’t be rude, you make us ashamed. Narrator: But Thomas didn’t care a bit. Thomas: That was funny. That was funny. Narrator: He felt very pleased with himself. Annie and Clarabel were deeply shocked. They have great respect for Gordon, the big engine. Thomas left the coaches at the station, and went off to a mine for some trucks. Long ago, miners digging for lead have made tunnels under the ground. Their roofs are strong enough to hold up trucks, but not the weight of engines. A large notice board warns them not to enter the area. “Danger! Engines must not pass this board!” Thomas: Silly old board! Narrator: He had tried to pass it and he had never succeeded. But this morning, he had a plan. He had to push the empty trucks into one siding and pull four ones from the other. The fireman went to turn the points. Thomas’s Fireman: Come on! Narrator: The driver leaned out of the cab to see where they were going. Thomas: Now for my plan! Narrator: And bumping the trucks fiercely, he jerked his driver off the footplate and followed them into the siding. Thomas: Hurrah! Stupid old board. There’s no danger. There’s no danger. Thomas’s Driver and Fireman: Look out! Come back! Narrator: But it was too late. Thomas: Fire and smoke! I’ve sunk! Narrator: And he was. Thomas could just see out of the hole, but he couldn’t move. Thomas: Oh dear. I am a silly engine. The Fat Controller: And a very naughty one too. I saw you. Thomas: Please get me out! I won’t be naughty again! The Fat Controller: I’m not sure. We can’t lift you out with a crane. The ground’s not firm enough. Hmm. Let me see. I wonder if Gordon could pull you out. Thomas: Yes sir. Narrator: But Thomas didn’t want to meet Gordon just yet. When Gordon heard about Thomas, he laughed very loudly. Gordon: Down a mine is he?! Ho! Ho! Ho! What a joke! What a joke! Narrator: Then he went off to rescue Thomas. Gordon: Poop! Poop! Little Thomas! We’ll have you out in a couple of puffs. Narrator: Strong cables were fastened between the two engines. The Fat Controller: Are you ready?! Heave! Narrator: It was a lot harder than they all thought. But at last, Thomas was free. Smokescreen Inspector: The Fat Controller says that Gordon blew ashes on his top hat as he passed Edward’s station. Narrator: Gordon was horrified. Gordon: (gasps indignantly) What?! I did NOT do it, and I was being extra careful this time, honest….! === Paint Pots and Queens === == Edward the Blue Engine (1954) == === Cows === === Bertie's Chase === === Saved from Scrap === === Old Iron === == 4 Little Engines (1955) == === Skarloey Remembers === === Sir Handel === === Peter Sam and the Refreshment Lady === === Old Faithful === == Percy the Small Engine (1956) == === Percy and the Signal === === Duck Takes Charge === === Percy and Harold === === Percy's Promise === == 8 Famous Engines (1957) == === Percy Takes the Plunge === === Gordon Goes Foreign === :'''Gordon''': When I was young and green, I remember going to London. Do you know the place? The station's called King's Cross. :'''The Engine''': (scoffs) King's Cross?! London's Euston. Everybody knows that. :'''Duck''': Pah! London's Paddington. I know. I worked there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Narrator''': They argued till they went to sleep. They argued when they woke up. They were still arguing when the other engine went away. :'''Gordon''':(Irritated) Silly thing. I've no patience. :'''Duck''': Silly yourself. London's Paddington, PADDINGTON, do you hear? :'''James''': Be Quiet, you make me tired. You're both agreed about something anyway. :'''Gordon and Duck''': What's that? :'''James''': London's not Euston. Now silent it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gordon''': I'm sure it's King's Cross. I'll go and prove it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gordon''': Come on! Let's go! :'''Narrator''': It was only a few minutes before the Guard blew his whistle; but Gordon thought it was ages! :'''Gordon''': (To the coaches) COME ON! COME ON! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gordon''': Never mind I like a good run to stretch my wheels. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Fat Controller''': I wonder how Gordon's getting on. :'''The Stationmaster''': Excuse me Sir, have you seen the news? :'''The Fat Controller''': Not yet. Why? :'''The Stationmaster''': Just look at this Sir. :'''Narrator''': The Fat Controller took the news paper. :'''The Fat Controller''': Good gracious me! There's Gordon. Headlines too! 'FAMOUS ENGINE AT LONDON STATION. POLICE CALLED TO CONTROL CROWDS'. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Fat Controller''': I see you had a good welcome in London. :'''Gordon's Driver and Fireman''': We certainly did Sir! We signed autographs till our arms ached, and Gordon had his photograph taken from so many directions at once that he didn't which way to look! :'''The Fat Controller''': Good! I expect he enjoyed himself. Didn't you Gordon? :'''Gordon''': No Sir, I didn't. :'''The Fat Controller''': Why ever not? :'''Gordon''': (Sadly) London's all wrong, they've changed it. It isn't King's Cross any more. It's St Pancras. === Double Header === === The Fat Controller's Engines === == Duck and the Diesel Engine (1958) == === Domeless Engines === === Pop Goes the Diesel === === Dirty Work === === A Close Shave === == The Little Old Engine (1959) == === Trucks! === === Home at Last === === Rock 'n' Roll === === Little Old Twins === == The Twin Engines (1960) == === Hullo Twins! === *Narrator: The trucks complained bitterly; but then, trucks always do and no one takes much notice. The coaches complained too. No sooner had they arrived with one train, then they had to go out again with fresh passengers as another. <hr width="50%"/> *Coaches: We don't know whether we're coming or going. We feel quite distracted. *Henry: No one can say that we're afraid of hard work, but... *Gordon: We draw the line at goods trains. *James: Dirty trucks, dirty sidings. Ugh! *Duck: What are you boiler aching about? I remember on the great western... *Gordon: That tinpot railway.... *Duck: Tinpot indeed! Let me tell you... <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: I hear you've lost your numbers. How did that happen? *57645 and 57646: They may have slyly slipped off Sir. You know who it is. *The Fat Controller: I know. Accidentally on purpose. *57646: Sir! You wouldn't be thinking we lost them on purpose? <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: I'm not so sure. Now then, which of you is 57646? *57645 and 57646: That (Sir) is just what we cannot mind. <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: What are your names? *57645 and 57646: Donald and Douggie, Sir. *The Fat Controller: Good! Then your controller can tell me which is which. *Donald and Douglas: Huh! You’ll get no muckle help fat him, Sir. *The Fat Controller: Why? *Donald and Douglas: He doesn't know our names Sir. Who could he? We only give ourselves names when we lost our numbers. *The Fat Controller: One of you is playing truant. I shall find him out and send him home. Inspector give these engines numbers, and set them to work. === The Missing Coach === *Donald: You may have noticed, Douggie, that the painters forgot something. *Douglas: What did they forget? *Donald: They painted brand new numbers on our tenders, but they put none on us. *Douglas: You mean... *Donald: Just that. Now hush, here’s the inspector. *The Inspector: Now 9 and 10, here's Duck. He'll show you round before you start work. <hr width="50%"/> *Donald: We like it fine here. *Duck: That's good, but take my tip, watch out for Gordon, Henry and James. They're sure to try some nonsense. *Douglas: Don’t worry yourself. We'll soon settle them. <hr width="50%"/> *Narrator: Donald and Douglas had deep toned whistles. *Gordon: They sound like Buses. *Henry: (chuckles) Or ships. *Gordon: Tugboat Annie! (laughs) <hr width="50%"/> *Donald: You wouldn't be making fun of us would you know? *Gordon: Uhh, no. *Henry: No, no, certainly not. *Douglas: That's fine. Know just mind the both of you, and keep it that way. *Narrator: That was the way Gordon and Henry kept it! <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: Ahh! Number 9, and why have you not taken the goods? *Douglas: My tender is away Sir. *The Fat Controller: I see, some defect no doubt. Tell me, why did #10 leave so quickly? *Douglas: Maybe, sir, he saw you coming and thought he was late. *The Fat Controller: Hmm. <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: Douglas, why are you masquerading with Donald's tender? === Break Van === === The Deputation === == Branch Line Engines (1961) == === Thomas Comes to Breakfast === === Daisy === === Bulls Eyes === === Percy's Predicament === :'''The Fat Controller''': == Gallant Old Engine (1962) == === Special Funnel === === Steamroller === === Passengers and Polish === === Gallant Old Engine === == Stepney the "Bluebell" Engine (1963) == === Bluebells of England === === Stepney's Special === === Train Stops Play === === Bowled Out === == Mountain Engines (1964) == === Mountain Engine === === Bad Look Out === === Danger Points === === "Devil's Back" === == Very Old Engines (1965) == === Crosspatch === === Bucking Bronco === === Stick-in-the-Mud === === Duck and Dukes === == Main Line Engines (1966) == === The Diseasel === === Buzz, Buzz === === Wrong Road === === Edward's Exploit === ==Small Railway Engines (1967)== === Ballast === *Donald and Douglas: Verra wee engines bring the ballast down from the hills. <hr width="50%"/> *Gordon: I don't believe it. Donald and Douglas have pulled our wheels before. <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: What d'you think of our 'chute'? Good isn't it? *Duck: Where did you spring from? *Rex: I've been here all the time. I'm Rex and you, I'm sure, are Duck. *Duck: How did you know? *Rex: That's easy; there's only one great western engine in these parts. <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: (To Duck) As you can see, the small controller's given us different coats. *Mike: (Grumbles) Silly nonsense. *Bert: (Protests) I like being blue. *Mike: (Fumes) It's all right for you, but not for me. Passengers'll say I look like a pillar box! *Rex: Shocking! Consider my feelings. When we were both green. Passengers kept calling me "Mike"! *Mike: (Splutters) You...you... <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: Quiet, you two. Duck, have you seen our coaches? *Duck: Where are they? *Bert: Over there. *Duck: But they're trucks...(Finishes lamely) I mean they're not like ours. *Rex: I agree. They are like trucks, but they behave surprisingly well. *Mike: (rudely) Says you. === Tit for Tat === *Bert's Driver: We've got visitors today *Mike: We have 'em every day. *Bert's Driver: But these are special. One takes 'moving pictures' and the other writes books. So mind you all behave. *Bert: I don't want to be a moving picture in a book. I want to stay as I am. <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: They did it on purpose! <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: They splashed me! They SPLASHED me! *Bert: Pictures indeed! <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: I'm a nice picture; covered in mud! <hr width="50%"/> *Narrator: He sizzled crossly when the Fat Clergyman sat in his tender for the journey back. *Bert: Driver oughtn't to allow him after what he's done! *Bert: (To himself) I know how to pay the Fat One out. It's a lovely plan. I only wish the Thin One was there too. <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: Tit for Tat! TIT for TAT! <hr width="50%"/> *The Small Controller: You're a very naughty engine. I won't have rudeness to visitors. *Bert: (Falters) They splashed me. I only.... (Bert is probably crying as he's talking) *The Small Controller: That's no excuse I'm ashamed of you. <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: (To Rex and Mike) Those visitors are nice. They came and said 'sorry', and I said 'sorry' too. Then they cleaned me like driver does. They know lots about engines. The Thin One's writing about me in a book. He promised he'd write about you too. Think of that! === Mike's Whistle === *Mike: Sloppy! Sloppy! It's shocking! If engines can't whistle properly, they shouldn't try. *Bert: Then why do you? *Mike: Why do I what? *Bert: Try to whistle, of course. *Mike: Stow it! You're jealous. *Narrator: Mike was proud of his shrill whistle. *Mike: Mine's better than yours anyway. *Rex: Listen, Mike. If I had a whistle like yours, d'you know what I'd do? (Pauses impressively) I'd lose it. *Mike: (Splutters) The Idea! Whistles are important, let me tell you. Engines without whistles aren't proper engines at all. <hr width="50%"/> *Narrator: Mike went redder than ever with fury. His steam pressure went up suddenly, and his safety-valves blew off, "Whoooooosh!" *Mike's driver: Hello! As you're ready first, you'd better take the 'passenger'. *Mike: What! and leave my goods? *Mike's driver: Yes, Bert can do that. We can't have you blowing off in here. Come on! <hr width="50%"/> *Mike's driver: What's bitten him? He doesn't like coaches, but he's never been as bad as this. <hr width="50%"/> *Mike: (muttering) They're jealous, they're jealous. I'll show them! I'll show them! *Mike's driver: (remarks) He's in a flaming temper about something. <hr width="50%"/> *The Small Controller: I've no spare whistles. So you'll have to wait. It serves you right for being such a cross patch. <hr width="50%"/> Thomas: (as Mike comes in) What's that? *Rex: Oh! Take no notice. It's an Improper engine. *Bert: Why Improper? He looks all right to me. *Rex: It's got no whistle. *Bert: Oh dear! How shocking! We don't approve of his sort, do we? === Useful Railway === *Narrator: Mike had trouble with some sheep. He grumbled about them dreadfully. *Rex: They're silly but they're useful. *Mike: What! *Rex: Farmers sell their wool. *Mike: What's that? *Rex: People make clothes from wool. You know - things they wear instead of paint. <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: But I don't understand, Sir. We can't drive sheep down the line. They wouldn't go straight. *Rex: Silly! We don't drive sheep, we take their wool, in bales on trucks. It'll be easy. *The Small Controller: (Laughs) Very well, Rex. You seem to know all about it, so you shall take the next train. <hr width="50%"/> *Willie: Crumbs! That's torn it! I must warn Rex. <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: (happily to himself) I said it was easy! I said it was easy! <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: Stop! Stop! Stop! (Narrator: He whistled.) *The trucks: On! On! On! (Narrator: Urged the silly trucks.) <hr width="50%"/> *The passengers: Ooh! Look! There's been an accident! <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: That accident served me right for being swanky. *Bert: No. It wasn't your fault at all. *Mike: Sorry we laughed. <hr width="50%"/> *The Small Controller: I'm proud of you all. Thanks to Rex, the accident did little harm. Bert and Mike worked like heroes, and our customers admire the way we managed. They thought we were a 'toy railway', but now they say we're Really Useful. They've promised us plenty more work when the wool traffic is done. == Enterprising Engines (1968) == === Tenders for Henry === === Super Rescue === *Driver: Well! Well! Well! Did you hear what Signalman said? *Henry: I thought they’d be laughing at me! *Driver: Moving two dead diesels and their trains? That’s no joke for a failed engine. D’you think you can do it? *Henry: I’ll have a good try. Anyway 7101’s better that old Spamcan. He did try and shut him up last night. *Driver: Come on then, we mustn’t keep the passengers waiting. *Henry: Get moving you! === Escape === *Douglas: No time to turn round, I maun run tender firrst. *The Diesel: Yoohoo! Yoohoo! A steamer’s escaping! Yoohoo! *Douglas: Take no notice *Foreman: Aha! A Western engine! A western auto coach, and goods brake too! You can’t take these. *Driver: Can we no! They’re all fer uz. See fer yeself. *Foreman: Seems in order, but it’s queer. *Guard: Sure, and it is, but I could tell you queerer... *Foreman: So could I! Right away Guard. === Little Western === == Oliver the Western Engine (1969) == === Donald's Duck === === Resource and Sagacity === === Toad Stands By === === Bulgy === == Duke the Lost Engine (1970) == === Granpuff === === Bulldog === === You Can't Win! === === Sleeping Beauty === == Tramway Engines (1972) == === Ghost Train === === Woolly Bear === === Mavis === === Toby's Tightrope === == Really Useful Engines (1983) == === Stop, Thief! === === Mind That Bike === === Fish === === Triple Header === == James and the Diesel Engines (1984) == === Old Stuck-Up === === Crossed Lines === === Fire Engine === === Deep Freeze === == Great Little Engines (1985) == === Patience is a Virtue === === Peter Sam and the Prickly Problem === === Pop Special === === Sir Handel Comes Home === == More About Thomas the Tank Engine (1986) == === Thomas, Percy and the Coal === === The Runaway === === Better Late than Never === === Drip Tank === == Gordon the High Speed Engine (1987) == === High-Speed Gordon === === Smokescreen === === Fire Escape === === Gordon Proves His Point === == Toby, Trucks and Trouble (1988) == === Mavis and the Lorry === === Toby's Seaside Holiday === === Bulstrode === === Toby Takes the Road === == Thomas and the Twins (1989) == === Scrambled Eggs === === What a Picture! === === Trevor Helps Out === === Down the Drain === == Jock the New Engine (1990) == === We Need Another Engine === === Sticking Power === === Jock === === Teamwork === == Thomas and the Great Railway Show (1991) == === Museum Piece === === Not the Ticket === === Trouble on the Line === === Thomas and the Railtour === == Thomas Comes Home (1992) == === Snow Problem === === Washout! === === Toby's Megatrain === === Thomas Comes Home === == Henry and the Express (1993) == === Out of Puff === === Overhaul === === Sliding Scales === === Henry Sees Red === == Wilbert the Forest Engine (1994) == === Percy's Porridge === === Cab Over Wheels === === Foaming at the Funnel === === Wired Up === == Thomas and the Fat Controller's Engines (1995) == === Birdstrike === === Edward and the Cabbages === === Rabbits === === Golden Jubilee === == New Little Engine (1996) == === Speedkiller === === Sir Handel's Plan === === Dirty Water === === I Name This Engine... === == Thomas and Victoria (2007) == === Overloaded === === Avalanche === === Eels on Wheels === === Toby's Vintage Train === == Thomas and his Friends (2011) == === Thomas and the Swan === === Buffer Bashing === === Gordon's Fire Service === === Centenary === == About the books == * I started my life-long interest in railways approximately 50 years ago when, one Christmas, I received a first edition of ''[[w:Thomas the Tank Engine|Thomas the Tank Engine]]'' in a parcel from Santa Claus. As a book dealer, I very much regret that I do not still own that first edition. My mother gave it away to the local hospital with a load of ''Eagle'' annuals and other things, which I also regret I no longer own. <br/><br/> From a childhood enlivened by the Reverend W Awdry's books, I remember the wonderful character of the Fat Controller. He was a bureaucrat; he was a man with a hat; and he was derided by the people who really ran the railway – who, in those stories, were the engines – for not knowing much about rail engineering. It sounds a little like [[w:Railtrack|Railtrack]]. ** Lord Greaves, House of Lords Railtrack debate, [http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/ld200001/ldhansrd/vo010405/text/10405-09.htm#10405-09_spnew10 ''Hansard''], 5 April 2001 == See also == * [[Thomas and Friends]] {{Thomas & Friends}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Railway Series, The}} [[Category: Children's books]] [[Category:Thomas & Friends]] s7g999gsqkm9l1qu6ha5fpq95g9xzhh 3949267 3949263 2026-06-05T16:12:22Z ~2026-33378-47 3336860 /* Enterprising Engines (1968) */ 3949267 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Railway Series|The Railway Series]]''''' (1945-1946, 1948-1970, 1972, 1983-1996, 2007, 2011) is a set of story books about a fictional railway located on the fictional Island of Sodor and the engines that lived on it. Note: This article generally contains quotes from stories that have not been adapted for the television series ''[[Thomas and Friends]]''. == The 3 Railway Engines (1945) == * === Edward's Day Out === === Edward and Gordon === === The Sad Story of Henry === === Edward, Gordon and Henry === == Thomas the Tank Engine (1946) == === Thomas and Gordon === * Thomas was a tank engine who lived at a Big Station. He had six small wheels, a short stumpy funnel, a short stumpy boiler, and a short stumpy dome. &ndash; ''Thomas the Tank Engine'' === Thomas's Train === === Thomas and the Trucks === === Thomas and the Breakdown Train === == James the Red Engine (1948) == === James and the Top Hat === === James and the Bootlace === Narrator: The next morning, The Fat Controller spoke severely to James. The Fat Controller: If you can’t behave, i shall take away your red coat and have you painted blue. So there! Narrator: James didn’t like that at all. === Troublesome Trucks === === James and the Express === == Tank Engine Thomas Again (1949) == === Thomas and the Guard === === Thomas Goes Fishing === === Thomas, Terence and the Snow === === Thomas and Bertie === == Troublesome Engines (1950) == === Henry and the Elephant === === Tenders and Turntables === === Trouble in the Shed === === Percy Runs Away === == Henry the Green Engine (1951) == === Coal === === The Flying Kipper === === Gordon's Whistle === === Percy and the Trousers === === Henry's Sneeze === == Toby the Tram Engine (1952) == === Toby and the Stout Gentleman === === Thomas in Trouble === === Dirty Objects === === Mrs. Kyndley's Christmas === == Gordon the Big Engine (1953) == === Off the Rails === :'''Schoolboys''': ''[singing]'' Silly old Gordon fell in a ditch, Fell in a ditch, fell in a ditch. Silly old Gordon fell in a ditch, All on a Monday morning. === Leaves === === Down the Mine === Narrator: One day, Thomas was at the junction, when Gordon shuffled in with some trucks. Thomas: Poh! What a funny smell. Can you smell a smell? Annie: I can’t smell a smell. Thomas: A funny musty sort of smell. Gordon: No one noticed it to you did. It must be yours. Narrator: Not that long ago, he had fallen into a dirty ditch, Thomas enjoyed teasing him about it. Thomas: Annie, Clarabel. Do you know what i think it is? It’s ditch water. Narrator: Before Gordon could answer, Thomas puffed away. Annie and Clarabel could hardly believe their ears. Annie and Clarabel: He’s dreadfully rude, i feel quite ashamed. I feel quite ashamed, he’s dreadfully rude. You mustn’t be rude, you make us ashamed. Narrator: But Thomas didn’t care a bit. Thomas: That was funny. That was funny. Narrator: He felt very pleased with himself. Annie and Clarabel were deeply shocked. They have great respect for Gordon, the big engine. Thomas left the coaches at the station, and went off to a mine for some trucks. Long ago, miners digging for lead have made tunnels under the ground. Their roofs are strong enough to hold up trucks, but not the weight of engines. A large notice board warns them not to enter the area. “Danger! Engines must not pass this board!” Thomas: Silly old board! Narrator: He had tried to pass it and he had never succeeded. But this morning, he had a plan. He had to push the empty trucks into one siding and pull four ones from the other. The fireman went to turn the points. Thomas’s Fireman: Come on! Narrator: The driver leaned out of the cab to see where they were going. Thomas: Now for my plan! Narrator: And bumping the trucks fiercely, he jerked his driver off the footplate and followed them into the siding. Thomas: Hurrah! Stupid old board. There’s no danger. There’s no danger. Thomas’s Driver and Fireman: Look out! Come back! Narrator: But it was too late. Thomas: Fire and smoke! I’ve sunk! Narrator: And he was. Thomas could just see out of the hole, but he couldn’t move. Thomas: Oh dear. I am a silly engine. The Fat Controller: And a very naughty one too. I saw you. Thomas: Please get me out! I won’t be naughty again! The Fat Controller: I’m not sure. We can’t lift you out with a crane. The ground’s not firm enough. Hmm. Let me see. I wonder if Gordon could pull you out. Thomas: Yes sir. Narrator: But Thomas didn’t want to meet Gordon just yet. When Gordon heard about Thomas, he laughed very loudly. Gordon: Down a mine is he?! Ho! Ho! Ho! What a joke! What a joke! Narrator: Then he went off to rescue Thomas. Gordon: Poop! Poop! Little Thomas! We’ll have you out in a couple of puffs. Narrator: Strong cables were fastened between the two engines. The Fat Controller: Are you ready?! Heave! Narrator: It was a lot harder than they all thought. But at last, Thomas was free. Smokescreen Inspector: The Fat Controller says that Gordon blew ashes on his top hat as he passed Edward’s station. Narrator: Gordon was horrified. Gordon: (gasps indignantly) What?! I did NOT do it, and I was being extra careful this time, honest….! === Paint Pots and Queens === == Edward the Blue Engine (1954) == === Cows === === Bertie's Chase === === Saved from Scrap === === Old Iron === == 4 Little Engines (1955) == === Skarloey Remembers === === Sir Handel === === Peter Sam and the Refreshment Lady === === Old Faithful === == Percy the Small Engine (1956) == === Percy and the Signal === === Duck Takes Charge === === Percy and Harold === === Percy's Promise === == 8 Famous Engines (1957) == === Percy Takes the Plunge === === Gordon Goes Foreign === :'''Gordon''': When I was young and green, I remember going to London. Do you know the place? The station's called King's Cross. :'''The Engine''': (scoffs) King's Cross?! London's Euston. Everybody knows that. :'''Duck''': Pah! London's Paddington. I know. I worked there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Narrator''': They argued till they went to sleep. They argued when they woke up. They were still arguing when the other engine went away. :'''Gordon''':(Irritated) Silly thing. I've no patience. :'''Duck''': Silly yourself. London's Paddington, PADDINGTON, do you hear? :'''James''': Be Quiet, you make me tired. You're both agreed about something anyway. :'''Gordon and Duck''': What's that? :'''James''': London's not Euston. Now silent it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gordon''': I'm sure it's King's Cross. I'll go and prove it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gordon''': Come on! Let's go! :'''Narrator''': It was only a few minutes before the Guard blew his whistle; but Gordon thought it was ages! :'''Gordon''': (To the coaches) COME ON! COME ON! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gordon''': Never mind I like a good run to stretch my wheels. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Fat Controller''': I wonder how Gordon's getting on. :'''The Stationmaster''': Excuse me Sir, have you seen the news? :'''The Fat Controller''': Not yet. Why? :'''The Stationmaster''': Just look at this Sir. :'''Narrator''': The Fat Controller took the news paper. :'''The Fat Controller''': Good gracious me! There's Gordon. Headlines too! 'FAMOUS ENGINE AT LONDON STATION. POLICE CALLED TO CONTROL CROWDS'. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Fat Controller''': I see you had a good welcome in London. :'''Gordon's Driver and Fireman''': We certainly did Sir! We signed autographs till our arms ached, and Gordon had his photograph taken from so many directions at once that he didn't which way to look! :'''The Fat Controller''': Good! I expect he enjoyed himself. Didn't you Gordon? :'''Gordon''': No Sir, I didn't. :'''The Fat Controller''': Why ever not? :'''Gordon''': (Sadly) London's all wrong, they've changed it. It isn't King's Cross any more. It's St Pancras. === Double Header === === The Fat Controller's Engines === == Duck and the Diesel Engine (1958) == === Domeless Engines === === Pop Goes the Diesel === === Dirty Work === === A Close Shave === == The Little Old Engine (1959) == === Trucks! === === Home at Last === === Rock 'n' Roll === === Little Old Twins === == The Twin Engines (1960) == === Hullo Twins! === *Narrator: The trucks complained bitterly; but then, trucks always do and no one takes much notice. The coaches complained too. No sooner had they arrived with one train, then they had to go out again with fresh passengers as another. <hr width="50%"/> *Coaches: We don't know whether we're coming or going. We feel quite distracted. *Henry: No one can say that we're afraid of hard work, but... *Gordon: We draw the line at goods trains. *James: Dirty trucks, dirty sidings. Ugh! *Duck: What are you boiler aching about? I remember on the great western... *Gordon: That tinpot railway.... *Duck: Tinpot indeed! Let me tell you... <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: I hear you've lost your numbers. How did that happen? *57645 and 57646: They may have slyly slipped off Sir. You know who it is. *The Fat Controller: I know. Accidentally on purpose. *57646: Sir! You wouldn't be thinking we lost them on purpose? <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: I'm not so sure. Now then, which of you is 57646? *57645 and 57646: That (Sir) is just what we cannot mind. <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: What are your names? *57645 and 57646: Donald and Douggie, Sir. *The Fat Controller: Good! Then your controller can tell me which is which. *Donald and Douglas: Huh! You’ll get no muckle help fat him, Sir. *The Fat Controller: Why? *Donald and Douglas: He doesn't know our names Sir. Who could he? We only give ourselves names when we lost our numbers. *The Fat Controller: One of you is playing truant. I shall find him out and send him home. Inspector give these engines numbers, and set them to work. === The Missing Coach === *Donald: You may have noticed, Douggie, that the painters forgot something. *Douglas: What did they forget? *Donald: They painted brand new numbers on our tenders, but they put none on us. *Douglas: You mean... *Donald: Just that. Now hush, here’s the inspector. *The Inspector: Now 9 and 10, here's Duck. He'll show you round before you start work. <hr width="50%"/> *Donald: We like it fine here. *Duck: That's good, but take my tip, watch out for Gordon, Henry and James. They're sure to try some nonsense. *Douglas: Don’t worry yourself. We'll soon settle them. <hr width="50%"/> *Narrator: Donald and Douglas had deep toned whistles. *Gordon: They sound like Buses. *Henry: (chuckles) Or ships. *Gordon: Tugboat Annie! (laughs) <hr width="50%"/> *Donald: You wouldn't be making fun of us would you know? *Gordon: Uhh, no. *Henry: No, no, certainly not. *Douglas: That's fine. Know just mind the both of you, and keep it that way. *Narrator: That was the way Gordon and Henry kept it! <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: Ahh! Number 9, and why have you not taken the goods? *Douglas: My tender is away Sir. *The Fat Controller: I see, some defect no doubt. Tell me, why did #10 leave so quickly? *Douglas: Maybe, sir, he saw you coming and thought he was late. *The Fat Controller: Hmm. <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: Douglas, why are you masquerading with Donald's tender? === Break Van === === The Deputation === == Branch Line Engines (1961) == === Thomas Comes to Breakfast === === Daisy === === Bulls Eyes === === Percy's Predicament === :'''The Fat Controller''': == Gallant Old Engine (1962) == === Special Funnel === === Steamroller === === Passengers and Polish === === Gallant Old Engine === == Stepney the "Bluebell" Engine (1963) == === Bluebells of England === === Stepney's Special === === Train Stops Play === === Bowled Out === == Mountain Engines (1964) == === Mountain Engine === === Bad Look Out === === Danger Points === === "Devil's Back" === == Very Old Engines (1965) == === Crosspatch === === Bucking Bronco === === Stick-in-the-Mud === === Duck and Dukes === == Main Line Engines (1966) == === The Diseasel === === Buzz, Buzz === === Wrong Road === === Edward's Exploit === ==Small Railway Engines (1967)== === Ballast === *Donald and Douglas: Verra wee engines bring the ballast down from the hills. <hr width="50%"/> *Gordon: I don't believe it. Donald and Douglas have pulled our wheels before. <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: What d'you think of our 'chute'? Good isn't it? *Duck: Where did you spring from? *Rex: I've been here all the time. I'm Rex and you, I'm sure, are Duck. *Duck: How did you know? *Rex: That's easy; there's only one great western engine in these parts. <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: (To Duck) As you can see, the small controller's given us different coats. *Mike: (Grumbles) Silly nonsense. *Bert: (Protests) I like being blue. *Mike: (Fumes) It's all right for you, but not for me. Passengers'll say I look like a pillar box! *Rex: Shocking! Consider my feelings. When we were both green. Passengers kept calling me "Mike"! *Mike: (Splutters) You...you... <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: Quiet, you two. Duck, have you seen our coaches? *Duck: Where are they? *Bert: Over there. *Duck: But they're trucks...(Finishes lamely) I mean they're not like ours. *Rex: I agree. They are like trucks, but they behave surprisingly well. *Mike: (rudely) Says you. === Tit for Tat === *Bert's Driver: We've got visitors today *Mike: We have 'em every day. *Bert's Driver: But these are special. One takes 'moving pictures' and the other writes books. So mind you all behave. *Bert: I don't want to be a moving picture in a book. I want to stay as I am. <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: They did it on purpose! <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: They splashed me! They SPLASHED me! *Bert: Pictures indeed! <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: I'm a nice picture; covered in mud! <hr width="50%"/> *Narrator: He sizzled crossly when the Fat Clergyman sat in his tender for the journey back. *Bert: Driver oughtn't to allow him after what he's done! *Bert: (To himself) I know how to pay the Fat One out. It's a lovely plan. I only wish the Thin One was there too. <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: Tit for Tat! TIT for TAT! <hr width="50%"/> *The Small Controller: You're a very naughty engine. I won't have rudeness to visitors. *Bert: (Falters) They splashed me. I only.... (Bert is probably crying as he's talking) *The Small Controller: That's no excuse I'm ashamed of you. <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: (To Rex and Mike) Those visitors are nice. They came and said 'sorry', and I said 'sorry' too. Then they cleaned me like driver does. They know lots about engines. The Thin One's writing about me in a book. He promised he'd write about you too. Think of that! === Mike's Whistle === *Mike: Sloppy! Sloppy! It's shocking! If engines can't whistle properly, they shouldn't try. *Bert: Then why do you? *Mike: Why do I what? *Bert: Try to whistle, of course. *Mike: Stow it! You're jealous. *Narrator: Mike was proud of his shrill whistle. *Mike: Mine's better than yours anyway. *Rex: Listen, Mike. If I had a whistle like yours, d'you know what I'd do? (Pauses impressively) I'd lose it. *Mike: (Splutters) The Idea! Whistles are important, let me tell you. Engines without whistles aren't proper engines at all. <hr width="50%"/> *Narrator: Mike went redder than ever with fury. His steam pressure went up suddenly, and his safety-valves blew off, "Whoooooosh!" *Mike's driver: Hello! As you're ready first, you'd better take the 'passenger'. *Mike: What! and leave my goods? *Mike's driver: Yes, Bert can do that. We can't have you blowing off in here. Come on! <hr width="50%"/> *Mike's driver: What's bitten him? He doesn't like coaches, but he's never been as bad as this. <hr width="50%"/> *Mike: (muttering) They're jealous, they're jealous. I'll show them! I'll show them! *Mike's driver: (remarks) He's in a flaming temper about something. <hr width="50%"/> *The Small Controller: I've no spare whistles. So you'll have to wait. It serves you right for being such a cross patch. <hr width="50%"/> Thomas: (as Mike comes in) What's that? *Rex: Oh! Take no notice. It's an Improper engine. *Bert: Why Improper? He looks all right to me. *Rex: It's got no whistle. *Bert: Oh dear! How shocking! We don't approve of his sort, do we? === Useful Railway === *Narrator: Mike had trouble with some sheep. He grumbled about them dreadfully. *Rex: They're silly but they're useful. *Mike: What! *Rex: Farmers sell their wool. *Mike: What's that? *Rex: People make clothes from wool. You know - things they wear instead of paint. <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: But I don't understand, Sir. We can't drive sheep down the line. They wouldn't go straight. *Rex: Silly! We don't drive sheep, we take their wool, in bales on trucks. It'll be easy. *The Small Controller: (Laughs) Very well, Rex. You seem to know all about it, so you shall take the next train. <hr width="50%"/> *Willie: Crumbs! That's torn it! I must warn Rex. <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: (happily to himself) I said it was easy! I said it was easy! <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: Stop! Stop! Stop! (Narrator: He whistled.) *The trucks: On! On! On! (Narrator: Urged the silly trucks.) <hr width="50%"/> *The passengers: Ooh! Look! There's been an accident! <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: That accident served me right for being swanky. *Bert: No. It wasn't your fault at all. *Mike: Sorry we laughed. <hr width="50%"/> *The Small Controller: I'm proud of you all. Thanks to Rex, the accident did little harm. Bert and Mike worked like heroes, and our customers admire the way we managed. They thought we were a 'toy railway', but now they say we're Really Useful. They've promised us plenty more work when the wool traffic is done. == Enterprising Engines (1968) == === Tenders for Henry === *Flying Scotsman: You’re changed a lot. *Gordon: I had a rebuild at Crewe. They didn’t do a proper Doncaster job of course, but it serves. *Flying Scotsman: I had a rebuild too and looked hideous. But my owner said I was an extra special engine and made them give me back my proper shape. *Gordon: Is that why you have two tenders, being special? *Flying Scotsman: No. You’d hardly believe it, Gordon, but over there they’ve hardly any coal and water. *Gordon: But surely, every proper railway... *Flying Scotsman: Exactly. You are lucky, Gordon, to have a controller who knows how to run railways. === Super Rescue === *Driver: Well! Well! Well! Did you hear what Signalman said? *Henry: I thought they’d be laughing at me! *Driver: Moving two dead diesels and their trains? That’s no joke for a failed engine. D’you think you can do it? *Henry: I’ll have a good try. Anyway 7101’s better that old Spamcan. He did try and shut him up last night. *Driver: Come on then, we mustn’t keep the passengers waiting. *Henry: Get moving you! === Escape === *Douglas: No time to turn round, I maun run tender firrst. *The Diesel: Yoohoo! Yoohoo! A steamer’s escaping! Yoohoo! *Douglas: Take no notice *Foreman: Aha! A Western engine! A western auto coach, and goods brake too! You can’t take these. *Driver: Can we no! They’re all fer uz. See fer yeself. *Foreman: Seems in order, but it’s queer. *Guard: Sure, and it is, but I could tell you queerer... *Foreman: So could I! Right away Guard. === Little Western === *Duck: Beg pardon, Sir, but we do need another engine. *Fat Controller: I agree Duck. That is why I am giving 7101 another chance. *Gordon: Sir, we had hoped for a real engine. *Fat Controller: They are rare, and unless one escapes, there’s little hope... *Donald: But Sirr, one has... *Fat Controller: and thanks to Douglas is now at our Works. *Douglas: Sirr, is there anything ye don’t know? *Fat Controller: More than you think. Oliver’s crew told me all you did, Douglas. == Oliver the Western Engine (1969) == === Donald's Duck === === Resource and Sagacity === === Toad Stands By === === Bulgy === == Duke the Lost Engine (1970) == === Granpuff === === Bulldog === === You Can't Win! === === Sleeping Beauty === == Tramway Engines (1972) == === Ghost Train === === Woolly Bear === === Mavis === === Toby's Tightrope === == Really Useful Engines (1983) == === Stop, Thief! === === Mind That Bike === === Fish === === Triple Header === == James and the Diesel Engines (1984) == === Old Stuck-Up === === Crossed Lines === === Fire Engine === === Deep Freeze === == Great Little Engines (1985) == === Patience is a Virtue === === Peter Sam and the Prickly Problem === === Pop Special === === Sir Handel Comes Home === == More About Thomas the Tank Engine (1986) == === Thomas, Percy and the Coal === === The Runaway === === Better Late than Never === === Drip Tank === == Gordon the High Speed Engine (1987) == === High-Speed Gordon === === Smokescreen === === Fire Escape === === Gordon Proves His Point === == Toby, Trucks and Trouble (1988) == === Mavis and the Lorry === === Toby's Seaside Holiday === === Bulstrode === === Toby Takes the Road === == Thomas and the Twins (1989) == === Scrambled Eggs === === What a Picture! === === Trevor Helps Out === === Down the Drain === == Jock the New Engine (1990) == === We Need Another Engine === === Sticking Power === === Jock === === Teamwork === == Thomas and the Great Railway Show (1991) == === Museum Piece === === Not the Ticket === === Trouble on the Line === === Thomas and the Railtour === == Thomas Comes Home (1992) == === Snow Problem === === Washout! === === Toby's Megatrain === === Thomas Comes Home === == Henry and the Express (1993) == === Out of Puff === === Overhaul === === Sliding Scales === === Henry Sees Red === == Wilbert the Forest Engine (1994) == === Percy's Porridge === === Cab Over Wheels === === Foaming at the Funnel === === Wired Up === == Thomas and the Fat Controller's Engines (1995) == === Birdstrike === === Edward and the Cabbages === === Rabbits === === Golden Jubilee === == New Little Engine (1996) == === Speedkiller === === Sir Handel's Plan === === Dirty Water === === I Name This Engine... === == Thomas and Victoria (2007) == === Overloaded === === Avalanche === === Eels on Wheels === === Toby's Vintage Train === == Thomas and his Friends (2011) == === Thomas and the Swan === === Buffer Bashing === === Gordon's Fire Service === === Centenary === == About the books == * I started my life-long interest in railways approximately 50 years ago when, one Christmas, I received a first edition of ''[[w:Thomas the Tank Engine|Thomas the Tank Engine]]'' in a parcel from Santa Claus. As a book dealer, I very much regret that I do not still own that first edition. My mother gave it away to the local hospital with a load of ''Eagle'' annuals and other things, which I also regret I no longer own. <br/><br/> From a childhood enlivened by the Reverend W Awdry's books, I remember the wonderful character of the Fat Controller. He was a bureaucrat; he was a man with a hat; and he was derided by the people who really ran the railway – who, in those stories, were the engines – for not knowing much about rail engineering. It sounds a little like [[w:Railtrack|Railtrack]]. ** Lord Greaves, House of Lords Railtrack debate, [http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/ld200001/ldhansrd/vo010405/text/10405-09.htm#10405-09_spnew10 ''Hansard''], 5 April 2001 == See also == * [[Thomas and Friends]] {{Thomas & Friends}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Railway Series, The}} [[Category: Children's books]] [[Category:Thomas & Friends]] cgd9oh2yxaftioq3k5taulw8rtiqg7n 3949268 3949267 2026-06-05T16:21:44Z ~2026-33378-47 3336860 /* James the Red Engine (1948) */ 3949268 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Railway Series|The Railway Series]]''''' (1945-1946, 1948-1970, 1972, 1983-1996, 2007, 2011) is a set of story books about a fictional railway located on the fictional Island of Sodor and the engines that lived on it. Note: This article generally contains quotes from stories that have not been adapted for the television series ''[[Thomas and Friends]]''. == The 3 Railway Engines (1945) == * === Edward's Day Out === === Edward and Gordon === === The Sad Story of Henry === === Edward, Gordon and Henry === == Thomas the Tank Engine (1946) == === Thomas and Gordon === * Thomas was a tank engine who lived at a Big Station. He had six small wheels, a short stumpy funnel, a short stumpy boiler, and a short stumpy dome. &ndash; ''Thomas the Tank Engine'' === Thomas's Train === === Thomas and the Trucks === === Thomas and the Breakdown Train === == James the Red Engine (1948) == === James and the Top Hat === *Fat Controller: You’re a special mixed traffic engine. You’ll be able to pull coaches or trucks quite easily. === James and the Bootlace === Narrator: The next morning, The Fat Controller spoke severely to James. The Fat Controller: If you can’t behave, i shall take away your red coat and have you painted blue. So there! Narrator: James didn’t like that at all. === Troublesome Trucks === *Driver: Look out for trouble, James. We’ll go fast and get them up before they know it. Don’t let them stop you. *James: I’m doing it! I’m doing it! Will the top never come? I’ve done it! I’ve done it! Hurrah, it’s easy now. *Driver: They’ve done it again. We’ve left our tail behind! *James: That’s why it was easy. What silly things trucks are! There might have been an accident. === James and the Express === *James: Hullo,Gordon! Is it tomorrow? Did you lose your way, Gordon? *Gordon: No, it was lost for me. I was switched off the main line on to the loop; I had to go all round and back again. *James: Perhaps it was instinct. == Tank Engine Thomas Again (1949) == === Thomas and the Guard === === Thomas Goes Fishing === === Thomas, Terence and the Snow === === Thomas and Bertie === == Troublesome Engines (1950) == === Henry and the Elephant === === Tenders and Turntables === === Trouble in the Shed === === Percy Runs Away === == Henry the Green Engine (1951) == === Coal === === The Flying Kipper === === Gordon's Whistle === === Percy and the Trousers === === Henry's Sneeze === == Toby the Tram Engine (1952) == === Toby and the Stout Gentleman === === Thomas in Trouble === === Dirty Objects === === Mrs. Kyndley's Christmas === == Gordon the Big Engine (1953) == === Off the Rails === :'''Schoolboys''': ''[singing]'' Silly old Gordon fell in a ditch, Fell in a ditch, fell in a ditch. Silly old Gordon fell in a ditch, All on a Monday morning. === Leaves === === Down the Mine === Narrator: One day, Thomas was at the junction, when Gordon shuffled in with some trucks. Thomas: Poh! What a funny smell. Can you smell a smell? Annie: I can’t smell a smell. Thomas: A funny musty sort of smell. Gordon: No one noticed it to you did. It must be yours. Narrator: Not that long ago, he had fallen into a dirty ditch, Thomas enjoyed teasing him about it. Thomas: Annie, Clarabel. Do you know what i think it is? It’s ditch water. Narrator: Before Gordon could answer, Thomas puffed away. Annie and Clarabel could hardly believe their ears. Annie and Clarabel: He’s dreadfully rude, i feel quite ashamed. I feel quite ashamed, he’s dreadfully rude. You mustn’t be rude, you make us ashamed. Narrator: But Thomas didn’t care a bit. Thomas: That was funny. That was funny. Narrator: He felt very pleased with himself. Annie and Clarabel were deeply shocked. They have great respect for Gordon, the big engine. Thomas left the coaches at the station, and went off to a mine for some trucks. Long ago, miners digging for lead have made tunnels under the ground. Their roofs are strong enough to hold up trucks, but not the weight of engines. A large notice board warns them not to enter the area. “Danger! Engines must not pass this board!” Thomas: Silly old board! Narrator: He had tried to pass it and he had never succeeded. But this morning, he had a plan. He had to push the empty trucks into one siding and pull four ones from the other. The fireman went to turn the points. Thomas’s Fireman: Come on! Narrator: The driver leaned out of the cab to see where they were going. Thomas: Now for my plan! Narrator: And bumping the trucks fiercely, he jerked his driver off the footplate and followed them into the siding. Thomas: Hurrah! Stupid old board. There’s no danger. There’s no danger. Thomas’s Driver and Fireman: Look out! Come back! Narrator: But it was too late. Thomas: Fire and smoke! I’ve sunk! Narrator: And he was. Thomas could just see out of the hole, but he couldn’t move. Thomas: Oh dear. I am a silly engine. The Fat Controller: And a very naughty one too. I saw you. Thomas: Please get me out! I won’t be naughty again! The Fat Controller: I’m not sure. We can’t lift you out with a crane. The ground’s not firm enough. Hmm. Let me see. I wonder if Gordon could pull you out. Thomas: Yes sir. Narrator: But Thomas didn’t want to meet Gordon just yet. When Gordon heard about Thomas, he laughed very loudly. Gordon: Down a mine is he?! Ho! Ho! Ho! What a joke! What a joke! Narrator: Then he went off to rescue Thomas. Gordon: Poop! Poop! Little Thomas! We’ll have you out in a couple of puffs. Narrator: Strong cables were fastened between the two engines. The Fat Controller: Are you ready?! Heave! Narrator: It was a lot harder than they all thought. But at last, Thomas was free. Smokescreen Inspector: The Fat Controller says that Gordon blew ashes on his top hat as he passed Edward’s station. Narrator: Gordon was horrified. Gordon: (gasps indignantly) What?! I did NOT do it, and I was being extra careful this time, honest….! === Paint Pots and Queens === == Edward the Blue Engine (1954) == === Cows === === Bertie's Chase === === Saved from Scrap === === Old Iron === == 4 Little Engines (1955) == === Skarloey Remembers === === Sir Handel === === Peter Sam and the Refreshment Lady === === Old Faithful === == Percy the Small Engine (1956) == === Percy and the Signal === === Duck Takes Charge === === Percy and Harold === === Percy's Promise === == 8 Famous Engines (1957) == === Percy Takes the Plunge === === Gordon Goes Foreign === :'''Gordon''': When I was young and green, I remember going to London. Do you know the place? The station's called King's Cross. :'''The Engine''': (scoffs) King's Cross?! London's Euston. Everybody knows that. :'''Duck''': Pah! London's Paddington. I know. I worked there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Narrator''': They argued till they went to sleep. They argued when they woke up. They were still arguing when the other engine went away. :'''Gordon''':(Irritated) Silly thing. I've no patience. :'''Duck''': Silly yourself. London's Paddington, PADDINGTON, do you hear? :'''James''': Be Quiet, you make me tired. You're both agreed about something anyway. :'''Gordon and Duck''': What's that? :'''James''': London's not Euston. Now silent it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gordon''': I'm sure it's King's Cross. I'll go and prove it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gordon''': Come on! Let's go! :'''Narrator''': It was only a few minutes before the Guard blew his whistle; but Gordon thought it was ages! :'''Gordon''': (To the coaches) COME ON! COME ON! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gordon''': Never mind I like a good run to stretch my wheels. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Fat Controller''': I wonder how Gordon's getting on. :'''The Stationmaster''': Excuse me Sir, have you seen the news? :'''The Fat Controller''': Not yet. Why? :'''The Stationmaster''': Just look at this Sir. :'''Narrator''': The Fat Controller took the news paper. :'''The Fat Controller''': Good gracious me! There's Gordon. Headlines too! 'FAMOUS ENGINE AT LONDON STATION. POLICE CALLED TO CONTROL CROWDS'. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Fat Controller''': I see you had a good welcome in London. :'''Gordon's Driver and Fireman''': We certainly did Sir! We signed autographs till our arms ached, and Gordon had his photograph taken from so many directions at once that he didn't which way to look! :'''The Fat Controller''': Good! I expect he enjoyed himself. Didn't you Gordon? :'''Gordon''': No Sir, I didn't. :'''The Fat Controller''': Why ever not? :'''Gordon''': (Sadly) London's all wrong, they've changed it. It isn't King's Cross any more. It's St Pancras. === Double Header === === The Fat Controller's Engines === == Duck and the Diesel Engine (1958) == === Domeless Engines === === Pop Goes the Diesel === === Dirty Work === === A Close Shave === == The Little Old Engine (1959) == === Trucks! === === Home at Last === === Rock 'n' Roll === === Little Old Twins === == The Twin Engines (1960) == === Hullo Twins! === *Narrator: The trucks complained bitterly; but then, trucks always do and no one takes much notice. The coaches complained too. No sooner had they arrived with one train, then they had to go out again with fresh passengers as another. <hr width="50%"/> *Coaches: We don't know whether we're coming or going. We feel quite distracted. *Henry: No one can say that we're afraid of hard work, but... *Gordon: We draw the line at goods trains. *James: Dirty trucks, dirty sidings. Ugh! *Duck: What are you boiler aching about? I remember on the great western... *Gordon: That tinpot railway.... *Duck: Tinpot indeed! Let me tell you... <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: I hear you've lost your numbers. How did that happen? *57645 and 57646: They may have slyly slipped off Sir. You know who it is. *The Fat Controller: I know. Accidentally on purpose. *57646: Sir! You wouldn't be thinking we lost them on purpose? <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: I'm not so sure. Now then, which of you is 57646? *57645 and 57646: That (Sir) is just what we cannot mind. <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: What are your names? *57645 and 57646: Donald and Douggie, Sir. *The Fat Controller: Good! Then your controller can tell me which is which. *Donald and Douglas: Huh! You’ll get no muckle help fat him, Sir. *The Fat Controller: Why? *Donald and Douglas: He doesn't know our names Sir. Who could he? We only give ourselves names when we lost our numbers. *The Fat Controller: One of you is playing truant. I shall find him out and send him home. Inspector give these engines numbers, and set them to work. === The Missing Coach === *Donald: You may have noticed, Douggie, that the painters forgot something. *Douglas: What did they forget? *Donald: They painted brand new numbers on our tenders, but they put none on us. *Douglas: You mean... *Donald: Just that. Now hush, here’s the inspector. *The Inspector: Now 9 and 10, here's Duck. He'll show you round before you start work. <hr width="50%"/> *Donald: We like it fine here. *Duck: That's good, but take my tip, watch out for Gordon, Henry and James. They're sure to try some nonsense. *Douglas: Don’t worry yourself. We'll soon settle them. <hr width="50%"/> *Narrator: Donald and Douglas had deep toned whistles. *Gordon: They sound like Buses. *Henry: (chuckles) Or ships. *Gordon: Tugboat Annie! (laughs) <hr width="50%"/> *Donald: You wouldn't be making fun of us would you know? *Gordon: Uhh, no. *Henry: No, no, certainly not. *Douglas: That's fine. Know just mind the both of you, and keep it that way. *Narrator: That was the way Gordon and Henry kept it! <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: Ahh! Number 9, and why have you not taken the goods? *Douglas: My tender is away Sir. *The Fat Controller: I see, some defect no doubt. Tell me, why did #10 leave so quickly? *Douglas: Maybe, sir, he saw you coming and thought he was late. *The Fat Controller: Hmm. <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: Douglas, why are you masquerading with Donald's tender? === Break Van === === The Deputation === == Branch Line Engines (1961) == === Thomas Comes to Breakfast === === Daisy === === Bulls Eyes === === Percy's Predicament === :'''The Fat Controller''': == Gallant Old Engine (1962) == === Special Funnel === === Steamroller === === Passengers and Polish === === Gallant Old Engine === == Stepney the "Bluebell" Engine (1963) == === Bluebells of England === === Stepney's Special === === Train Stops Play === === Bowled Out === == Mountain Engines (1964) == === Mountain Engine === === Bad Look Out === === Danger Points === === "Devil's Back" === == Very Old Engines (1965) == === Crosspatch === === Bucking Bronco === === Stick-in-the-Mud === === Duck and Dukes === == Main Line Engines (1966) == === The Diseasel === === Buzz, Buzz === === Wrong Road === === Edward's Exploit === ==Small Railway Engines (1967)== === Ballast === *Donald and Douglas: Verra wee engines bring the ballast down from the hills. <hr width="50%"/> *Gordon: I don't believe it. Donald and Douglas have pulled our wheels before. <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: What d'you think of our 'chute'? Good isn't it? *Duck: Where did you spring from? *Rex: I've been here all the time. I'm Rex and you, I'm sure, are Duck. *Duck: How did you know? *Rex: That's easy; there's only one great western engine in these parts. <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: (To Duck) As you can see, the small controller's given us different coats. *Mike: (Grumbles) Silly nonsense. *Bert: (Protests) I like being blue. *Mike: (Fumes) It's all right for you, but not for me. Passengers'll say I look like a pillar box! *Rex: Shocking! Consider my feelings. When we were both green. Passengers kept calling me "Mike"! *Mike: (Splutters) You...you... <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: Quiet, you two. Duck, have you seen our coaches? *Duck: Where are they? *Bert: Over there. *Duck: But they're trucks...(Finishes lamely) I mean they're not like ours. *Rex: I agree. They are like trucks, but they behave surprisingly well. *Mike: (rudely) Says you. === Tit for Tat === *Bert's Driver: We've got visitors today *Mike: We have 'em every day. *Bert's Driver: But these are special. One takes 'moving pictures' and the other writes books. So mind you all behave. *Bert: I don't want to be a moving picture in a book. I want to stay as I am. <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: They did it on purpose! <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: They splashed me! They SPLASHED me! *Bert: Pictures indeed! <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: I'm a nice picture; covered in mud! <hr width="50%"/> *Narrator: He sizzled crossly when the Fat Clergyman sat in his tender for the journey back. *Bert: Driver oughtn't to allow him after what he's done! *Bert: (To himself) I know how to pay the Fat One out. It's a lovely plan. I only wish the Thin One was there too. <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: Tit for Tat! TIT for TAT! <hr width="50%"/> *The Small Controller: You're a very naughty engine. I won't have rudeness to visitors. *Bert: (Falters) They splashed me. I only.... (Bert is probably crying as he's talking) *The Small Controller: That's no excuse I'm ashamed of you. <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: (To Rex and Mike) Those visitors are nice. They came and said 'sorry', and I said 'sorry' too. Then they cleaned me like driver does. They know lots about engines. The Thin One's writing about me in a book. He promised he'd write about you too. Think of that! === Mike's Whistle === *Mike: Sloppy! Sloppy! It's shocking! If engines can't whistle properly, they shouldn't try. *Bert: Then why do you? *Mike: Why do I what? *Bert: Try to whistle, of course. *Mike: Stow it! You're jealous. *Narrator: Mike was proud of his shrill whistle. *Mike: Mine's better than yours anyway. *Rex: Listen, Mike. If I had a whistle like yours, d'you know what I'd do? (Pauses impressively) I'd lose it. *Mike: (Splutters) The Idea! Whistles are important, let me tell you. Engines without whistles aren't proper engines at all. <hr width="50%"/> *Narrator: Mike went redder than ever with fury. His steam pressure went up suddenly, and his safety-valves blew off, "Whoooooosh!" *Mike's driver: Hello! As you're ready first, you'd better take the 'passenger'. *Mike: What! and leave my goods? *Mike's driver: Yes, Bert can do that. We can't have you blowing off in here. Come on! <hr width="50%"/> *Mike's driver: What's bitten him? He doesn't like coaches, but he's never been as bad as this. <hr width="50%"/> *Mike: (muttering) They're jealous, they're jealous. I'll show them! I'll show them! *Mike's driver: (remarks) He's in a flaming temper about something. <hr width="50%"/> *The Small Controller: I've no spare whistles. So you'll have to wait. It serves you right for being such a cross patch. <hr width="50%"/> Thomas: (as Mike comes in) What's that? *Rex: Oh! Take no notice. It's an Improper engine. *Bert: Why Improper? He looks all right to me. *Rex: It's got no whistle. *Bert: Oh dear! How shocking! We don't approve of his sort, do we? === Useful Railway === *Narrator: Mike had trouble with some sheep. He grumbled about them dreadfully. *Rex: They're silly but they're useful. *Mike: What! *Rex: Farmers sell their wool. *Mike: What's that? *Rex: People make clothes from wool. You know - things they wear instead of paint. <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: But I don't understand, Sir. We can't drive sheep down the line. They wouldn't go straight. *Rex: Silly! We don't drive sheep, we take their wool, in bales on trucks. It'll be easy. *The Small Controller: (Laughs) Very well, Rex. You seem to know all about it, so you shall take the next train. <hr width="50%"/> *Willie: Crumbs! That's torn it! I must warn Rex. <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: (happily to himself) I said it was easy! I said it was easy! <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: Stop! Stop! Stop! (Narrator: He whistled.) *The trucks: On! On! On! (Narrator: Urged the silly trucks.) <hr width="50%"/> *The passengers: Ooh! Look! There's been an accident! <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: That accident served me right for being swanky. *Bert: No. It wasn't your fault at all. *Mike: Sorry we laughed. <hr width="50%"/> *The Small Controller: I'm proud of you all. Thanks to Rex, the accident did little harm. Bert and Mike worked like heroes, and our customers admire the way we managed. They thought we were a 'toy railway', but now they say we're Really Useful. They've promised us plenty more work when the wool traffic is done. == Enterprising Engines (1968) == === Tenders for Henry === *Flying Scotsman: You’re changed a lot. *Gordon: I had a rebuild at Crewe. They didn’t do a proper Doncaster job of course, but it serves. *Flying Scotsman: I had a rebuild too and looked hideous. But my owner said I was an extra special engine and made them give me back my proper shape. *Gordon: Is that why you have two tenders, being special? *Flying Scotsman: No. You’d hardly believe it, Gordon, but over there they’ve hardly any coal and water. *Gordon: But surely, every proper railway... *Flying Scotsman: Exactly. You are lucky, Gordon, to have a controller who knows how to run railways. === Super Rescue === *Driver: Well! Well! Well! Did you hear what Signalman said? *Henry: I thought they’d be laughing at me! *Driver: Moving two dead diesels and their trains? That’s no joke for a failed engine. D’you think you can do it? *Henry: I’ll have a good try. Anyway 7101’s better that old Spamcan. He did try and shut him up last night. *Driver: Come on then, we mustn’t keep the passengers waiting. *Henry: Get moving you! === Escape === *Douglas: No time to turn round, I maun run tender firrst. *The Diesel: Yoohoo! Yoohoo! A steamer’s escaping! Yoohoo! *Douglas: Take no notice *Foreman: Aha! A Western engine! A western auto coach, and goods brake too! You can’t take these. *Driver: Can we no! They’re all fer uz. See fer yeself. *Foreman: Seems in order, but it’s queer. *Guard: Sure, and it is, but I could tell you queerer... *Foreman: So could I! Right away Guard. === Little Western === *Duck: Beg pardon, Sir, but we do need another engine. *Fat Controller: I agree Duck. That is why I am giving 7101 another chance. *Gordon: Sir, we had hoped for a real engine. *Fat Controller: They are rare, and unless one escapes, there’s little hope... *Donald: But Sirr, one has... *Fat Controller: and thanks to Douglas is now at our Works. *Douglas: Sirr, is there anything ye don’t know? *Fat Controller: More than you think. Oliver’s crew told me all you did, Douglas. == Oliver the Western Engine (1969) == === Donald's Duck === === Resource and Sagacity === === Toad Stands By === === Bulgy === == Duke the Lost Engine (1970) == === Granpuff === === Bulldog === === You Can't Win! === === Sleeping Beauty === == Tramway Engines (1972) == === Ghost Train === === Woolly Bear === === Mavis === === Toby's Tightrope === == Really Useful Engines (1983) == === Stop, Thief! === === Mind That Bike === === Fish === === Triple Header === == James and the Diesel Engines (1984) == === Old Stuck-Up === === Crossed Lines === === Fire Engine === === Deep Freeze === == Great Little Engines (1985) == === Patience is a Virtue === === Peter Sam and the Prickly Problem === === Pop Special === === Sir Handel Comes Home === == More About Thomas the Tank Engine (1986) == === Thomas, Percy and the Coal === === The Runaway === === Better Late than Never === === Drip Tank === == Gordon the High Speed Engine (1987) == === High-Speed Gordon === === Smokescreen === === Fire Escape === === Gordon Proves His Point === == Toby, Trucks and Trouble (1988) == === Mavis and the Lorry === === Toby's Seaside Holiday === === Bulstrode === === Toby Takes the Road === == Thomas and the Twins (1989) == === Scrambled Eggs === === What a Picture! === === Trevor Helps Out === === Down the Drain === == Jock the New Engine (1990) == === We Need Another Engine === === Sticking Power === === Jock === === Teamwork === == Thomas and the Great Railway Show (1991) == === Museum Piece === === Not the Ticket === === Trouble on the Line === === Thomas and the Railtour === == Thomas Comes Home (1992) == === Snow Problem === === Washout! === === Toby's Megatrain === === Thomas Comes Home === == Henry and the Express (1993) == === Out of Puff === === Overhaul === === Sliding Scales === === Henry Sees Red === == Wilbert the Forest Engine (1994) == === Percy's Porridge === === Cab Over Wheels === === Foaming at the Funnel === === Wired Up === == Thomas and the Fat Controller's Engines (1995) == === Birdstrike === === Edward and the Cabbages === === Rabbits === === Golden Jubilee === == New Little Engine (1996) == === Speedkiller === === Sir Handel's Plan === === Dirty Water === === I Name This Engine... === == Thomas and Victoria (2007) == === Overloaded === === Avalanche === === Eels on Wheels === === Toby's Vintage Train === == Thomas and his Friends (2011) == === Thomas and the Swan === === Buffer Bashing === === Gordon's Fire Service === === Centenary === == About the books == * I started my life-long interest in railways approximately 50 years ago when, one Christmas, I received a first edition of ''[[w:Thomas the Tank Engine|Thomas the Tank Engine]]'' in a parcel from Santa Claus. As a book dealer, I very much regret that I do not still own that first edition. My mother gave it away to the local hospital with a load of ''Eagle'' annuals and other things, which I also regret I no longer own. <br/><br/> From a childhood enlivened by the Reverend W Awdry's books, I remember the wonderful character of the Fat Controller. He was a bureaucrat; he was a man with a hat; and he was derided by the people who really ran the railway – who, in those stories, were the engines – for not knowing much about rail engineering. It sounds a little like [[w:Railtrack|Railtrack]]. ** Lord Greaves, House of Lords Railtrack debate, [http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/ld200001/ldhansrd/vo010405/text/10405-09.htm#10405-09_spnew10 ''Hansard''], 5 April 2001 == See also == * [[Thomas and Friends]] {{Thomas & Friends}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Railway Series, The}} [[Category: Children's books]] [[Category:Thomas & Friends]] 6xdv3kklcohy6ofdbdbprpbwwhbf5yz 3949269 3949268 2026-06-05T16:41:19Z ~2026-33378-47 3336860 /* Gallant Old Engine (1962) */ 3949269 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Railway Series|The Railway Series]]''''' (1945-1946, 1948-1970, 1972, 1983-1996, 2007, 2011) is a set of story books about a fictional railway located on the fictional Island of Sodor and the engines that lived on it. Note: This article generally contains quotes from stories that have not been adapted for the television series ''[[Thomas and Friends]]''. == The 3 Railway Engines (1945) == * === Edward's Day Out === === Edward and Gordon === === The Sad Story of Henry === === Edward, Gordon and Henry === == Thomas the Tank Engine (1946) == === Thomas and Gordon === * Thomas was a tank engine who lived at a Big Station. He had six small wheels, a short stumpy funnel, a short stumpy boiler, and a short stumpy dome. &ndash; ''Thomas the Tank Engine'' === Thomas's Train === === Thomas and the Trucks === === Thomas and the Breakdown Train === == James the Red Engine (1948) == === James and the Top Hat === *Fat Controller: You’re a special mixed traffic engine. You’ll be able to pull coaches or trucks quite easily. === James and the Bootlace === Narrator: The next morning, The Fat Controller spoke severely to James. The Fat Controller: If you can’t behave, i shall take away your red coat and have you painted blue. So there! Narrator: James didn’t like that at all. === Troublesome Trucks === *Driver: Look out for trouble, James. We’ll go fast and get them up before they know it. Don’t let them stop you. *James: I’m doing it! I’m doing it! Will the top never come? I’ve done it! I’ve done it! Hurrah, it’s easy now. *Driver: They’ve done it again. We’ve left our tail behind! *James: That’s why it was easy. What silly things trucks are! There might have been an accident. === James and the Express === *James: Hullo,Gordon! Is it tomorrow? Did you lose your way, Gordon? *Gordon: No, it was lost for me. I was switched off the main line on to the loop; I had to go all round and back again. *James: Perhaps it was instinct. == Tank Engine Thomas Again (1949) == === Thomas and the Guard === === Thomas Goes Fishing === === Thomas, Terence and the Snow === === Thomas and Bertie === == Troublesome Engines (1950) == === Henry and the Elephant === === Tenders and Turntables === === Trouble in the Shed === === Percy Runs Away === == Henry the Green Engine (1951) == === Coal === === The Flying Kipper === === Gordon's Whistle === === Percy and the Trousers === === Henry's Sneeze === == Toby the Tram Engine (1952) == === Toby and the Stout Gentleman === === Thomas in Trouble === === Dirty Objects === === Mrs. Kyndley's Christmas === == Gordon the Big Engine (1953) == === Off the Rails === :'''Schoolboys''': ''[singing]'' Silly old Gordon fell in a ditch, Fell in a ditch, fell in a ditch. Silly old Gordon fell in a ditch, All on a Monday morning. === Leaves === === Down the Mine === Narrator: One day, Thomas was at the junction, when Gordon shuffled in with some trucks. Thomas: Poh! What a funny smell. Can you smell a smell? Annie: I can’t smell a smell. Thomas: A funny musty sort of smell. Gordon: No one noticed it to you did. It must be yours. Narrator: Not that long ago, he had fallen into a dirty ditch, Thomas enjoyed teasing him about it. Thomas: Annie, Clarabel. Do you know what i think it is? It’s ditch water. Narrator: Before Gordon could answer, Thomas puffed away. Annie and Clarabel could hardly believe their ears. Annie and Clarabel: He’s dreadfully rude, i feel quite ashamed. I feel quite ashamed, he’s dreadfully rude. You mustn’t be rude, you make us ashamed. Narrator: But Thomas didn’t care a bit. Thomas: That was funny. That was funny. Narrator: He felt very pleased with himself. Annie and Clarabel were deeply shocked. They have great respect for Gordon, the big engine. Thomas left the coaches at the station, and went off to a mine for some trucks. Long ago, miners digging for lead have made tunnels under the ground. Their roofs are strong enough to hold up trucks, but not the weight of engines. A large notice board warns them not to enter the area. “Danger! Engines must not pass this board!” Thomas: Silly old board! Narrator: He had tried to pass it and he had never succeeded. But this morning, he had a plan. He had to push the empty trucks into one siding and pull four ones from the other. The fireman went to turn the points. Thomas’s Fireman: Come on! Narrator: The driver leaned out of the cab to see where they were going. Thomas: Now for my plan! Narrator: And bumping the trucks fiercely, he jerked his driver off the footplate and followed them into the siding. Thomas: Hurrah! Stupid old board. There’s no danger. There’s no danger. Thomas’s Driver and Fireman: Look out! Come back! Narrator: But it was too late. Thomas: Fire and smoke! I’ve sunk! Narrator: And he was. Thomas could just see out of the hole, but he couldn’t move. Thomas: Oh dear. I am a silly engine. The Fat Controller: And a very naughty one too. I saw you. Thomas: Please get me out! I won’t be naughty again! The Fat Controller: I’m not sure. We can’t lift you out with a crane. The ground’s not firm enough. Hmm. Let me see. I wonder if Gordon could pull you out. Thomas: Yes sir. Narrator: But Thomas didn’t want to meet Gordon just yet. When Gordon heard about Thomas, he laughed very loudly. Gordon: Down a mine is he?! Ho! Ho! Ho! What a joke! What a joke! Narrator: Then he went off to rescue Thomas. Gordon: Poop! Poop! Little Thomas! We’ll have you out in a couple of puffs. Narrator: Strong cables were fastened between the two engines. The Fat Controller: Are you ready?! Heave! Narrator: It was a lot harder than they all thought. But at last, Thomas was free. Smokescreen Inspector: The Fat Controller says that Gordon blew ashes on his top hat as he passed Edward’s station. Narrator: Gordon was horrified. Gordon: (gasps indignantly) What?! I did NOT do it, and I was being extra careful this time, honest….! === Paint Pots and Queens === == Edward the Blue Engine (1954) == === Cows === === Bertie's Chase === === Saved from Scrap === === Old Iron === == 4 Little Engines (1955) == === Skarloey Remembers === === Sir Handel === === Peter Sam and the Refreshment Lady === === Old Faithful === == Percy the Small Engine (1956) == === Percy and the Signal === === Duck Takes Charge === === Percy and Harold === === Percy's Promise === == 8 Famous Engines (1957) == === Percy Takes the Plunge === === Gordon Goes Foreign === :'''Gordon''': When I was young and green, I remember going to London. Do you know the place? The station's called King's Cross. :'''The Engine''': (scoffs) King's Cross?! London's Euston. Everybody knows that. :'''Duck''': Pah! London's Paddington. I know. I worked there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Narrator''': They argued till they went to sleep. They argued when they woke up. They were still arguing when the other engine went away. :'''Gordon''':(Irritated) Silly thing. I've no patience. :'''Duck''': Silly yourself. London's Paddington, PADDINGTON, do you hear? :'''James''': Be Quiet, you make me tired. You're both agreed about something anyway. :'''Gordon and Duck''': What's that? :'''James''': London's not Euston. Now silent it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gordon''': I'm sure it's King's Cross. I'll go and prove it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gordon''': Come on! Let's go! :'''Narrator''': It was only a few minutes before the Guard blew his whistle; but Gordon thought it was ages! :'''Gordon''': (To the coaches) COME ON! COME ON! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gordon''': Never mind I like a good run to stretch my wheels. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Fat Controller''': I wonder how Gordon's getting on. :'''The Stationmaster''': Excuse me Sir, have you seen the news? :'''The Fat Controller''': Not yet. Why? :'''The Stationmaster''': Just look at this Sir. :'''Narrator''': The Fat Controller took the news paper. :'''The Fat Controller''': Good gracious me! There's Gordon. Headlines too! 'FAMOUS ENGINE AT LONDON STATION. POLICE CALLED TO CONTROL CROWDS'. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Fat Controller''': I see you had a good welcome in London. :'''Gordon's Driver and Fireman''': We certainly did Sir! We signed autographs till our arms ached, and Gordon had his photograph taken from so many directions at once that he didn't which way to look! :'''The Fat Controller''': Good! I expect he enjoyed himself. Didn't you Gordon? :'''Gordon''': No Sir, I didn't. :'''The Fat Controller''': Why ever not? :'''Gordon''': (Sadly) London's all wrong, they've changed it. It isn't King's Cross any more. It's St Pancras. === Double Header === === The Fat Controller's Engines === == Duck and the Diesel Engine (1958) == === Domeless Engines === === Pop Goes the Diesel === === Dirty Work === === A Close Shave === == The Little Old Engine (1959) == === Trucks! === === Home at Last === === Rock 'n' Roll === === Little Old Twins === == The Twin Engines (1960) == === Hullo Twins! === *Narrator: The trucks complained bitterly; but then, trucks always do and no one takes much notice. The coaches complained too. No sooner had they arrived with one train, then they had to go out again with fresh passengers as another. <hr width="50%"/> *Coaches: We don't know whether we're coming or going. We feel quite distracted. *Henry: No one can say that we're afraid of hard work, but... *Gordon: We draw the line at goods trains. *James: Dirty trucks, dirty sidings. Ugh! *Duck: What are you boiler aching about? I remember on the great western... *Gordon: That tinpot railway.... *Duck: Tinpot indeed! Let me tell you... <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: I hear you've lost your numbers. How did that happen? *57645 and 57646: They may have slyly slipped off Sir. You know who it is. *The Fat Controller: I know. Accidentally on purpose. *57646: Sir! You wouldn't be thinking we lost them on purpose? <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: I'm not so sure. Now then, which of you is 57646? *57645 and 57646: That (Sir) is just what we cannot mind. <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: What are your names? *57645 and 57646: Donald and Douggie, Sir. *The Fat Controller: Good! Then your controller can tell me which is which. *Donald and Douglas: Huh! You’ll get no muckle help fat him, Sir. *The Fat Controller: Why? *Donald and Douglas: He doesn't know our names Sir. Who could he? We only give ourselves names when we lost our numbers. *The Fat Controller: One of you is playing truant. I shall find him out and send him home. Inspector give these engines numbers, and set them to work. === The Missing Coach === *Donald: You may have noticed, Douggie, that the painters forgot something. *Douglas: What did they forget? *Donald: They painted brand new numbers on our tenders, but they put none on us. *Douglas: You mean... *Donald: Just that. Now hush, here’s the inspector. *The Inspector: Now 9 and 10, here's Duck. He'll show you round before you start work. <hr width="50%"/> *Donald: We like it fine here. *Duck: That's good, but take my tip, watch out for Gordon, Henry and James. They're sure to try some nonsense. *Douglas: Don’t worry yourself. We'll soon settle them. <hr width="50%"/> *Narrator: Donald and Douglas had deep toned whistles. *Gordon: They sound like Buses. *Henry: (chuckles) Or ships. *Gordon: Tugboat Annie! (laughs) <hr width="50%"/> *Donald: You wouldn't be making fun of us would you know? *Gordon: Uhh, no. *Henry: No, no, certainly not. *Douglas: That's fine. Know just mind the both of you, and keep it that way. *Narrator: That was the way Gordon and Henry kept it! <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: Ahh! Number 9, and why have you not taken the goods? *Douglas: My tender is away Sir. *The Fat Controller: I see, some defect no doubt. Tell me, why did #10 leave so quickly? *Douglas: Maybe, sir, he saw you coming and thought he was late. *The Fat Controller: Hmm. <hr width="50%"/> *The Fat Controller: Douglas, why are you masquerading with Donald's tender? === Break Van === === The Deputation === == Branch Line Engines (1961) == === Thomas Comes to Breakfast === === Daisy === === Bulls Eyes === === Percy's Predicament === :'''The Fat Controller''': == Gallant Old Engine (1962) == === Special Funnel === *Peter Sam: Oh dear! Someone’s squashed it. *Thin Controller: It’s a Giesl, the most up to date funnel there is. Listen! With your old funnel puffing is hard work. It uses strength you need for pulling trains. Your new funnel has special pipes that help the air come easily. Puffing will be easier, so you will have more strength for your work. *Peter Sam: Yes, Sir. === Steamroller === *Skarloey: Oh dear! He’s worse than ever. I’m sorry my plan was no good. *Rusty: Never mind. We’ll think of something else. *Boy: Look! Here’s Sir Handel. He raced a steam roller last week. The roller nearly beat him too. It was most exciting. === Passengers and Polish === *Nancy: Wake up, lazybones! Your brass is filthy. Aren’t you ashamed *Skarloey: No. You’re just an old fusspot. Go away! *Nancy: Rheneas comes home tomorrow. Don’t you want to look nice? *Skarloey: What! Tomorrow! *Nancy: Yes, daddy told me. I’m going now. *Skarloey: Nancy, stop! Do I really look nice. Please polish me again. There’s a good kind girl. *Nancy: Now who’s an old fusspot? *Duncan: Aren’t you going to polish me? *Nancy: Sorry, not today. I’m helping the Refreshment Lady this afternoon. We must get the ices and things ready for the passengers on Skarloey’s two o clock train. Never mind, Duncan, I’ll give you a good polish tomorrow. === Gallant Old Engine === *Thin Controller: Your valve gear on one side had jammed. We’ve unfastened the rods and tied them up. Now Rheneas, we need to reach the next station. Can you pull us there on one cylinder? *Rheneas: I’ll try Sir, but the next station isn’t the right station. Will the passengers be cross ? *Thin Controller: Don’t worry. They know we can’t reach the top station today. == Stepney the "Bluebell" Engine (1963) == === Bluebells of England === === Stepney's Special === === Train Stops Play === === Bowled Out === == Mountain Engines (1964) == === Mountain Engine === === Bad Look Out === === Danger Points === === "Devil's Back" === == Very Old Engines (1965) == === Crosspatch === === Bucking Bronco === === Stick-in-the-Mud === === Duck and Dukes === == Main Line Engines (1966) == === The Diseasel === === Buzz, Buzz === === Wrong Road === === Edward's Exploit === ==Small Railway Engines (1967)== === Ballast === *Donald and Douglas: Verra wee engines bring the ballast down from the hills. <hr width="50%"/> *Gordon: I don't believe it. Donald and Douglas have pulled our wheels before. <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: What d'you think of our 'chute'? Good isn't it? *Duck: Where did you spring from? *Rex: I've been here all the time. I'm Rex and you, I'm sure, are Duck. *Duck: How did you know? *Rex: That's easy; there's only one great western engine in these parts. <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: (To Duck) As you can see, the small controller's given us different coats. *Mike: (Grumbles) Silly nonsense. *Bert: (Protests) I like being blue. *Mike: (Fumes) It's all right for you, but not for me. Passengers'll say I look like a pillar box! *Rex: Shocking! Consider my feelings. When we were both green. Passengers kept calling me "Mike"! *Mike: (Splutters) You...you... <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: Quiet, you two. Duck, have you seen our coaches? *Duck: Where are they? *Bert: Over there. *Duck: But they're trucks...(Finishes lamely) I mean they're not like ours. *Rex: I agree. They are like trucks, but they behave surprisingly well. *Mike: (rudely) Says you. === Tit for Tat === *Bert's Driver: We've got visitors today *Mike: We have 'em every day. *Bert's Driver: But these are special. One takes 'moving pictures' and the other writes books. So mind you all behave. *Bert: I don't want to be a moving picture in a book. I want to stay as I am. <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: They did it on purpose! <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: They splashed me! They SPLASHED me! *Bert: Pictures indeed! <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: I'm a nice picture; covered in mud! <hr width="50%"/> *Narrator: He sizzled crossly when the Fat Clergyman sat in his tender for the journey back. *Bert: Driver oughtn't to allow him after what he's done! *Bert: (To himself) I know how to pay the Fat One out. It's a lovely plan. I only wish the Thin One was there too. <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: Tit for Tat! TIT for TAT! <hr width="50%"/> *The Small Controller: You're a very naughty engine. I won't have rudeness to visitors. *Bert: (Falters) They splashed me. I only.... (Bert is probably crying as he's talking) *The Small Controller: That's no excuse I'm ashamed of you. <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: (To Rex and Mike) Those visitors are nice. They came and said 'sorry', and I said 'sorry' too. Then they cleaned me like driver does. They know lots about engines. The Thin One's writing about me in a book. He promised he'd write about you too. Think of that! === Mike's Whistle === *Mike: Sloppy! Sloppy! It's shocking! If engines can't whistle properly, they shouldn't try. *Bert: Then why do you? *Mike: Why do I what? *Bert: Try to whistle, of course. *Mike: Stow it! You're jealous. *Narrator: Mike was proud of his shrill whistle. *Mike: Mine's better than yours anyway. *Rex: Listen, Mike. If I had a whistle like yours, d'you know what I'd do? (Pauses impressively) I'd lose it. *Mike: (Splutters) The Idea! Whistles are important, let me tell you. Engines without whistles aren't proper engines at all. <hr width="50%"/> *Narrator: Mike went redder than ever with fury. His steam pressure went up suddenly, and his safety-valves blew off, "Whoooooosh!" *Mike's driver: Hello! As you're ready first, you'd better take the 'passenger'. *Mike: What! and leave my goods? *Mike's driver: Yes, Bert can do that. We can't have you blowing off in here. Come on! <hr width="50%"/> *Mike's driver: What's bitten him? He doesn't like coaches, but he's never been as bad as this. <hr width="50%"/> *Mike: (muttering) They're jealous, they're jealous. I'll show them! I'll show them! *Mike's driver: (remarks) He's in a flaming temper about something. <hr width="50%"/> *The Small Controller: I've no spare whistles. So you'll have to wait. It serves you right for being such a cross patch. <hr width="50%"/> Thomas: (as Mike comes in) What's that? *Rex: Oh! Take no notice. It's an Improper engine. *Bert: Why Improper? He looks all right to me. *Rex: It's got no whistle. *Bert: Oh dear! How shocking! We don't approve of his sort, do we? === Useful Railway === *Narrator: Mike had trouble with some sheep. He grumbled about them dreadfully. *Rex: They're silly but they're useful. *Mike: What! *Rex: Farmers sell their wool. *Mike: What's that? *Rex: People make clothes from wool. You know - things they wear instead of paint. <hr width="50%"/> *Bert: But I don't understand, Sir. We can't drive sheep down the line. They wouldn't go straight. *Rex: Silly! We don't drive sheep, we take their wool, in bales on trucks. It'll be easy. *The Small Controller: (Laughs) Very well, Rex. You seem to know all about it, so you shall take the next train. <hr width="50%"/> *Willie: Crumbs! That's torn it! I must warn Rex. <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: (happily to himself) I said it was easy! I said it was easy! <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: Stop! Stop! Stop! (Narrator: He whistled.) *The trucks: On! On! On! (Narrator: Urged the silly trucks.) <hr width="50%"/> *The passengers: Ooh! Look! There's been an accident! <hr width="50%"/> *Rex: That accident served me right for being swanky. *Bert: No. It wasn't your fault at all. *Mike: Sorry we laughed. <hr width="50%"/> *The Small Controller: I'm proud of you all. Thanks to Rex, the accident did little harm. Bert and Mike worked like heroes, and our customers admire the way we managed. They thought we were a 'toy railway', but now they say we're Really Useful. They've promised us plenty more work when the wool traffic is done. == Enterprising Engines (1968) == === Tenders for Henry === *Flying Scotsman: You’re changed a lot. *Gordon: I had a rebuild at Crewe. They didn’t do a proper Doncaster job of course, but it serves. *Flying Scotsman: I had a rebuild too and looked hideous. But my owner said I was an extra special engine and made them give me back my proper shape. *Gordon: Is that why you have two tenders, being special? *Flying Scotsman: No. You’d hardly believe it, Gordon, but over there they’ve hardly any coal and water. *Gordon: But surely, every proper railway... *Flying Scotsman: Exactly. You are lucky, Gordon, to have a controller who knows how to run railways. === Super Rescue === *Driver: Well! Well! Well! Did you hear what Signalman said? *Henry: I thought they’d be laughing at me! *Driver: Moving two dead diesels and their trains? That’s no joke for a failed engine. D’you think you can do it? *Henry: I’ll have a good try. Anyway 7101’s better that old Spamcan. He did try and shut him up last night. *Driver: Come on then, we mustn’t keep the passengers waiting. *Henry: Get moving you! === Escape === *Douglas: No time to turn round, I maun run tender firrst. *The Diesel: Yoohoo! Yoohoo! A steamer’s escaping! Yoohoo! *Douglas: Take no notice *Foreman: Aha! A Western engine! A western auto coach, and goods brake too! You can’t take these. *Driver: Can we no! They’re all fer uz. See fer yeself. *Foreman: Seems in order, but it’s queer. *Guard: Sure, and it is, but I could tell you queerer... *Foreman: So could I! Right away Guard. === Little Western === *Duck: Beg pardon, Sir, but we do need another engine. *Fat Controller: I agree Duck. That is why I am giving 7101 another chance. *Gordon: Sir, we had hoped for a real engine. *Fat Controller: They are rare, and unless one escapes, there’s little hope... *Donald: But Sirr, one has... *Fat Controller: and thanks to Douglas is now at our Works. *Douglas: Sirr, is there anything ye don’t know? *Fat Controller: More than you think. Oliver’s crew told me all you did, Douglas. == Oliver the Western Engine (1969) == === Donald's Duck === === Resource and Sagacity === === Toad Stands By === === Bulgy === == Duke the Lost Engine (1970) == === Granpuff === === Bulldog === === You Can't Win! === === Sleeping Beauty === == Tramway Engines (1972) == === Ghost Train === === Woolly Bear === === Mavis === === Toby's Tightrope === == Really Useful Engines (1983) == === Stop, Thief! === === Mind That Bike === === Fish === === Triple Header === == James and the Diesel Engines (1984) == === Old Stuck-Up === === Crossed Lines === === Fire Engine === === Deep Freeze === == Great Little Engines (1985) == === Patience is a Virtue === === Peter Sam and the Prickly Problem === === Pop Special === === Sir Handel Comes Home === == More About Thomas the Tank Engine (1986) == === Thomas, Percy and the Coal === === The Runaway === === Better Late than Never === === Drip Tank === == Gordon the High Speed Engine (1987) == === High-Speed Gordon === === Smokescreen === === Fire Escape === === Gordon Proves His Point === == Toby, Trucks and Trouble (1988) == === Mavis and the Lorry === === Toby's Seaside Holiday === === Bulstrode === === Toby Takes the Road === == Thomas and the Twins (1989) == === Scrambled Eggs === === What a Picture! === === Trevor Helps Out === === Down the Drain === == Jock the New Engine (1990) == === We Need Another Engine === === Sticking Power === === Jock === === Teamwork === == Thomas and the Great Railway Show (1991) == === Museum Piece === === Not the Ticket === === Trouble on the Line === === Thomas and the Railtour === == Thomas Comes Home (1992) == === Snow Problem === === Washout! === === Toby's Megatrain === === Thomas Comes Home === == Henry and the Express (1993) == === Out of Puff === === Overhaul === === Sliding Scales === === Henry Sees Red === == Wilbert the Forest Engine (1994) == === Percy's Porridge === === Cab Over Wheels === === Foaming at the Funnel === === Wired Up === == Thomas and the Fat Controller's Engines (1995) == === Birdstrike === === Edward and the Cabbages === === Rabbits === === Golden Jubilee === == New Little Engine (1996) == === Speedkiller === === Sir Handel's Plan === === Dirty Water === === I Name This Engine... === == Thomas and Victoria (2007) == === Overloaded === === Avalanche === === Eels on Wheels === === Toby's Vintage Train === == Thomas and his Friends (2011) == === Thomas and the Swan === === Buffer Bashing === === Gordon's Fire Service === === Centenary === == About the books == * I started my life-long interest in railways approximately 50 years ago when, one Christmas, I received a first edition of ''[[w:Thomas the Tank Engine|Thomas the Tank Engine]]'' in a parcel from Santa Claus. As a book dealer, I very much regret that I do not still own that first edition. My mother gave it away to the local hospital with a load of ''Eagle'' annuals and other things, which I also regret I no longer own. <br/><br/> From a childhood enlivened by the Reverend W Awdry's books, I remember the wonderful character of the Fat Controller. He was a bureaucrat; he was a man with a hat; and he was derided by the people who really ran the railway – who, in those stories, were the engines – for not knowing much about rail engineering. It sounds a little like [[w:Railtrack|Railtrack]]. ** Lord Greaves, House of Lords Railtrack debate, [http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/ld200001/ldhansrd/vo010405/text/10405-09.htm#10405-09_spnew10 ''Hansard''], 5 April 2001 == See also == * [[Thomas and Friends]] {{Thomas & Friends}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Railway Series, The}} [[Category: Children's books]] [[Category:Thomas & Friends]] f8r59ptcgptedpnbpzg99pcqgalphwu 0 15454 3949357 3915452 2026-06-06T00:17:04Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Hush */ 3949357 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Old Batman symbol.jpg|thumb|Without warning, it comes...crashing through the window of your study, and mine...I have seen it before...somewhere. It frightened me as a boy... frightened me. Yes, father. I shall become a bat.]] [[File:Free-tailed bats.jpg|thumb|Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. So my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible...]] [[w:Batman (comic)|Batman]] is an ongoing comic book series featuring the DC Comics hero of the same name. The character first appeared in Detective Comics #27, published in May 1939; Batman proved to be so popular that a self-titled ongoing comic book series began publication in the spring of 1940. =Batman= '''[[w:Batman|Batman's]]''' (1939–current) [[w:secret identity|secret identity]] is '''Bruce Wayne''', a wealthy industrialist, playboy, and philanthropist. Witnessing the murder of his parents as a child, Wayne trains himself both physically and intellectually and dons a bat-themed costume in order to fight crime. Batman operates in the fictional American [[w:Gotham City|Gotham City]], assisted by various supporting characters including his sidekick [[w:Robin (comics)|Robin]] and his butler [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]], and fights an assortment of villains influenced by the characters' roots in film and [[W:pulp magazine|pulp magazines]]. Unlike most superheroes, he does not possess any [[w:Superpower (ability)|superpowers]]; he makes use of intellect, detective skills, science and technology, wealth, physical prowess, and intimidation in his war on crime. == Quotes == ===[[w:Detective Comics|Detective Comics]] vol. 1=== * Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. So my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible... ** [[Batman]] ''The Batman Wars Against the Dirigible of Doom'' Detective Comics #33 (November 1939), written by Bill Finger ===[[w:The Long Halloween|The Long Halloween]]=== * I believe in Jim Gordon. I believe in Harvey Dent. I believe in Gotham City. **''by [[w:Jeph Loeb|Jeph Loeb]] with art by [[w:Tim Sale (artist)|Tim Sale]]'' ===[[w:The Dark Knight Returns|The Dark Knight Returns]]=== * [To Superman] I want you to remember Clark, In all the years to come, in your most private moments, I want you to remember my hand at your throat, I want you to remember the one man who beat you. * [To Mutant Leader] You don't get it, boy... this isn't a mudhole... it's an operating table. And I'm the surgeon. **''by [[w:Frank Miller (comics)|Frank Miller]]'' ===[[w:Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth|Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth]]=== {{main|Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth}} * Sometimes it's only madness that makes us what we are. * Criminals are a terror. Hearts of the night. I must disguise my terror. Criminals are cowardly. A superstitious terrible omen. A cowardly lot. My disguise must strike terror. I must be black. Terrible. Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. I must be a creature. I must be a creature of the night. Mommy's dead. Daddy's dead. Brucie's dead. I shall become a bat. **''by [[w:Grant Morrison (comics)|Grant Morrison]] with art by [[w:Dave McKean|Dave McKean]]'' ===[[w:As The Crow Flies (comics)|As The Crow Flies]]=== * That vase was from the Ming Dynasty. Alfred will forgive me... eventually. **''by [[w:Judd Winick|Judd Winick]] with art by [[w:Dustin Nguyen (artist)|Dustin Nguyen]] and [[w:Richard Friend (artist)|Richard Friend]]'' ===[[w:Batman: The Killing Joke|Batman: The Killing Joke]]=== * '''Batman''': (to the Joker) Hello. I came to talk. I've been thinking lately. About you and me. About what's going to happen to us in the end. We're going to kill each other, aren't we? Perhaps you'll kill me. Perhaps I'll kill you. Perhaps sooner. Perhaps later. <hr width=50%/> *'''Batman''': (to the Joker) Don't you understand? I don't want to hurt you. I don't want either of us to end up killing the other. But we're both running out of alternatives, and we both know it. Maybe it all hinges on tonight. Maybe this is our last chance to sort this whole bloody mess out. If you don't take it, then we're both locked onto a suicide course. Both of us. To the death. It doesn't have to end like that. I don't know what it was that bent your life out of shape, but who knows? Maybe I've been there too. Maybe I can help. We could work together. I could rehabilitate you. You needn't be out there on the edge anymore. You needn't be alone. We don't have to kill each other. What do you say? **''by [[w:Alan Moore|Alan Moore]] with art by [[w:Brian Bolland|Brian Bolland]]'' ===[[w:Batman: Year One|Batman: Year One]]=== * Without warning, it comes...crashing through the window of your study, and mine...I have seen it before...somewhere. It frightened me as a boy... frightened me. Yes, father. I shall become a bat. * Ladies. Gentlemen. You have eaten well. You've eaten Gotham's wealth. Its spirit. Your feast is nearly over. From this moment on -- none of you are safe. **''by [[w:Frank Miller (comics)|Frank Miller]] with art by [[w:David Mazzucchelli|David Mazzucchelli]]'' ===[[w:Batman: Hush|Hush]]=== [[File:San Diego Comic-Con 2024 Masquerade - Cosplay of Batman 3.jpg|thumb| Deep down, [[Superman|Clark]]'s essentially a good person... and deep down, I'm not.]] * I made a promise on the grave of my parents that I would rid this city of the evil that took their lives. By day, I am Bruce Wayne, billionaire philanthropist. At night, criminals, a cowardly and superstitious lot, call me... Batman. * Criminals, by nature, are a cowardly and superstitious lot. To instill fear into their hearts, I became a bat. A monster in the night. And in doing so, have I become the very thing that ''all'' monsters become - alone? * Deep down, [[Superman|Clark]]'s essentially a good person... and deep down, I'm not. * They say that when you kill a man you not only take away what he was, but all he will ever be. * I have been to too many funerals. *''by [[w:Jeph Loeb|Jeph Loeb]] with art by [[w:Jim Lee|Jim Lee]]'' ===[[w:Identity Crisis (comics)|Identity Crisis]]=== * People think it's an obsession. A compulsion. As if there were an irresistible impulse to act. It's never been like that. I chose this life. I know what I'm doing. And on any given day, I could stop doing it. Today, however, isn't that day. And tomorrow won't be either. ''by [[w:Brad Meltzer|Brad Meltzer]] with art by [[w:Rags Morales|Rags Morales]] and [[w:Michael Bair|Michael Bair]]'' ===[[w:Infinite Crisis|Infinite Crisis]]=== * (to Superman) Everyone looks up to you. They listen to you. If you tell them to fight, they'll fight. But they need to be inspired. And let's face it "Superman"... the last time you really inspired anyone -- was when you were dead. **''by [[w:Geoff Johns|Geoff Johns]] with art by [[w:Phil Jimenez|Phil Jimenez]], [[w:George Pérez|George Pérez]], [[w:Ivan Reis|Ivan Reis]] and [[w:Jerry Ordway|Jerry Ordway]]'' ===[[w:Joker (comics)|The Joker: Devil's Advocate]]=== * (to the Joker) And when you're sitting here alone in the middle of the night, unsleeping in the dark, remember -- every breath you take you owe to me. **''by [[w:Chuck Dixon|Chuck Dixon]] with art by [[w:Graham Nolan|Graham Nolan]] ===[[w:Batman (comic book)|Batman #625]]=== * And as the sun, that had been too afraid to show its face in this city, started to turn the black into grey, I smiled. Not out of happiness. But because I knew... that one day, I wouldn't have to do this anymore. One day, I could stop fighting. Because one day... I would win. One day, there will be no pain, no loss, no crime. Because of me, because I fight. For you. One day, I will win. **''by [[w:Brian Azzarello|Brian Azzarello]] with art by [[w:Eduardo Risso|Eduardo Risso]]'' ===[[w:Batman RIP|Batman RIP]]=== * Did I finally reach the limits of reason? And find the Devil waiting? And was that fear in his eye? **''by [[w:Grant Morrison|Grant Morrison]] with art by [[w:Tony Daniel|Tony Daniel]]'' ====Other quotable characters==== ;Allies [[BatGirl]]<br /> [[Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Nightwing]]<br /> [[Jason Todd]]<br /> [[Barbara Gordon]]<br /> <!-- [[Damian Wayne]]<br /> [[Tim Drake]]<br /> [[Alfred Pennyworth]]<br /> [[Jim Gordon]]<br /> [[Batwoman]]<br /> --> [[Catwoman]]<br /> ;Enemies [[Anarky]]<br /> [[The Joker]]<br /> [[Batman villains (comics)]] ==External Links== *{{wikipedia-inline|Batman}} *{{wikipedia-inline|Batman (comics)}} *{{commonscat-inline|Batman}} *[http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Bruce_Wayne_(New_Earth)/Quotes Batman Quotes at the DC Database] *[http://www.comicbookdb.com/character.php?ID=48 Batman] at the Comic Book Database *[http://www.batman-on-film.com Batman-on-film.com] *[http://members.surfbest.net/argentium@surfbest.net/batman.htm Aaron Severson's The Golden Age Batman Chronology] {{Batman}} [[Category:DC Comics]] [[Category:Fictional characters]] [[Category:Science fiction comics]] [[Category:Fantasy comics]] [[Category:Crime comics]] [[Category:Batman]] qn6u50n0ak9mvwkq666lg10dwgzef43 3949361 3949357 2026-06-06T00:21:53Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Batman RIP */ 3949361 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Old Batman symbol.jpg|thumb|Without warning, it comes...crashing through the window of your study, and mine...I have seen it before...somewhere. It frightened me as a boy... frightened me. Yes, father. I shall become a bat.]] [[File:Free-tailed bats.jpg|thumb|Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. So my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible...]] [[w:Batman (comic)|Batman]] is an ongoing comic book series featuring the DC Comics hero of the same name. The character first appeared in Detective Comics #27, published in May 1939; Batman proved to be so popular that a self-titled ongoing comic book series began publication in the spring of 1940. =Batman= '''[[w:Batman|Batman's]]''' (1939–current) [[w:secret identity|secret identity]] is '''Bruce Wayne''', a wealthy industrialist, playboy, and philanthropist. Witnessing the murder of his parents as a child, Wayne trains himself both physically and intellectually and dons a bat-themed costume in order to fight crime. Batman operates in the fictional American [[w:Gotham City|Gotham City]], assisted by various supporting characters including his sidekick [[w:Robin (comics)|Robin]] and his butler [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]], and fights an assortment of villains influenced by the characters' roots in film and [[W:pulp magazine|pulp magazines]]. Unlike most superheroes, he does not possess any [[w:Superpower (ability)|superpowers]]; he makes use of intellect, detective skills, science and technology, wealth, physical prowess, and intimidation in his war on crime. == Quotes == ===[[w:Detective Comics|Detective Comics]] vol. 1=== * Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. So my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible... ** [[Batman]] ''The Batman Wars Against the Dirigible of Doom'' Detective Comics #33 (November 1939), written by Bill Finger ===[[w:The Long Halloween|The Long Halloween]]=== * I believe in Jim Gordon. I believe in Harvey Dent. I believe in Gotham City. **''by [[w:Jeph Loeb|Jeph Loeb]] with art by [[w:Tim Sale (artist)|Tim Sale]]'' ===[[w:The Dark Knight Returns|The Dark Knight Returns]]=== * [To Superman] I want you to remember Clark, In all the years to come, in your most private moments, I want you to remember my hand at your throat, I want you to remember the one man who beat you. * [To Mutant Leader] You don't get it, boy... this isn't a mudhole... it's an operating table. And I'm the surgeon. **''by [[w:Frank Miller (comics)|Frank Miller]]'' ===[[w:Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth|Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth]]=== {{main|Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth}} * Sometimes it's only madness that makes us what we are. * Criminals are a terror. Hearts of the night. I must disguise my terror. Criminals are cowardly. A superstitious terrible omen. A cowardly lot. My disguise must strike terror. I must be black. Terrible. Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. I must be a creature. I must be a creature of the night. Mommy's dead. Daddy's dead. Brucie's dead. I shall become a bat. **''by [[w:Grant Morrison (comics)|Grant Morrison]] with art by [[w:Dave McKean|Dave McKean]]'' ===[[w:As The Crow Flies (comics)|As The Crow Flies]]=== * That vase was from the Ming Dynasty. Alfred will forgive me... eventually. **''by [[w:Judd Winick|Judd Winick]] with art by [[w:Dustin Nguyen (artist)|Dustin Nguyen]] and [[w:Richard Friend (artist)|Richard Friend]]'' ===[[w:Batman: The Killing Joke|Batman: The Killing Joke]]=== * '''Batman''': (to the Joker) Hello. I came to talk. I've been thinking lately. About you and me. About what's going to happen to us in the end. We're going to kill each other, aren't we? Perhaps you'll kill me. Perhaps I'll kill you. Perhaps sooner. Perhaps later. <hr width=50%/> *'''Batman''': (to the Joker) Don't you understand? I don't want to hurt you. I don't want either of us to end up killing the other. But we're both running out of alternatives, and we both know it. Maybe it all hinges on tonight. Maybe this is our last chance to sort this whole bloody mess out. If you don't take it, then we're both locked onto a suicide course. Both of us. To the death. It doesn't have to end like that. I don't know what it was that bent your life out of shape, but who knows? Maybe I've been there too. Maybe I can help. We could work together. I could rehabilitate you. You needn't be out there on the edge anymore. You needn't be alone. We don't have to kill each other. What do you say? **''by [[w:Alan Moore|Alan Moore]] with art by [[w:Brian Bolland|Brian Bolland]]'' ===[[w:Batman: Year One|Batman: Year One]]=== * Without warning, it comes...crashing through the window of your study, and mine...I have seen it before...somewhere. It frightened me as a boy... frightened me. Yes, father. I shall become a bat. * Ladies. Gentlemen. You have eaten well. You've eaten Gotham's wealth. Its spirit. Your feast is nearly over. From this moment on -- none of you are safe. **''by [[w:Frank Miller (comics)|Frank Miller]] with art by [[w:David Mazzucchelli|David Mazzucchelli]]'' ===[[w:Batman: Hush|Hush]]=== [[File:San Diego Comic-Con 2024 Masquerade - Cosplay of Batman 3.jpg|thumb| Deep down, [[Superman|Clark]]'s essentially a good person... and deep down, I'm not.]] * I made a promise on the grave of my parents that I would rid this city of the evil that took their lives. By day, I am Bruce Wayne, billionaire philanthropist. At night, criminals, a cowardly and superstitious lot, call me... Batman. * Criminals, by nature, are a cowardly and superstitious lot. To instill fear into their hearts, I became a bat. A monster in the night. And in doing so, have I become the very thing that ''all'' monsters become - alone? * Deep down, [[Superman|Clark]]'s essentially a good person... and deep down, I'm not. * They say that when you kill a man you not only take away what he was, but all he will ever be. * I have been to too many funerals. *''by [[w:Jeph Loeb|Jeph Loeb]] with art by [[w:Jim Lee|Jim Lee]]'' ===[[w:Identity Crisis (comics)|Identity Crisis]]=== * People think it's an obsession. A compulsion. As if there were an irresistible impulse to act. It's never been like that. I chose this life. I know what I'm doing. And on any given day, I could stop doing it. Today, however, isn't that day. And tomorrow won't be either. ''by [[w:Brad Meltzer|Brad Meltzer]] with art by [[w:Rags Morales|Rags Morales]] and [[w:Michael Bair|Michael Bair]]'' ===[[w:Infinite Crisis|Infinite Crisis]]=== * (to Superman) Everyone looks up to you. They listen to you. If you tell them to fight, they'll fight. But they need to be inspired. And let's face it "Superman"... the last time you really inspired anyone -- was when you were dead. **''by [[w:Geoff Johns|Geoff Johns]] with art by [[w:Phil Jimenez|Phil Jimenez]], [[w:George Pérez|George Pérez]], [[w:Ivan Reis|Ivan Reis]] and [[w:Jerry Ordway|Jerry Ordway]]'' ===[[w:Joker (comics)|The Joker: Devil's Advocate]]=== * (to the Joker) And when you're sitting here alone in the middle of the night, unsleeping in the dark, remember -- every breath you take you owe to me. **''by [[w:Chuck Dixon|Chuck Dixon]] with art by [[w:Graham Nolan|Graham Nolan]] ===[[w:Batman (comic book)|Batman #625]]=== * And as the sun, that had been too afraid to show its face in this city, started to turn the black into grey, I smiled. Not out of happiness. But because I knew... that one day, I wouldn't have to do this anymore. One day, I could stop fighting. Because one day... I would win. One day, there will be no pain, no loss, no crime. Because of me, because I fight. For you. One day, I will win. **''by [[w:Brian Azzarello|Brian Azzarello]] with art by [[w:Eduardo Risso|Eduardo Risso]]'' ===[[w:Batman RIP|Batman RIP]]=== [[File:Batman (black background).jpg|thumb| Did I finally reach the limits of reason? And find the Devil waiting? And was that fear in his eye?]] * Did I finally reach the limits of reason? And find the Devil waiting? And was that fear in his eye? **''by [[w:Grant Morrison|Grant Morrison]] with art by [[w:Tony Daniel|Tony Daniel]]'' ====Other quotable characters==== ;Allies [[BatGirl]]<br /> [[Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Nightwing]]<br /> [[Jason Todd]]<br /> [[Barbara Gordon]]<br /> <!-- [[Damian Wayne]]<br /> [[Tim Drake]]<br /> [[Alfred Pennyworth]]<br /> [[Jim Gordon]]<br /> [[Batwoman]]<br /> --> [[Catwoman]]<br /> ;Enemies [[Anarky]]<br /> [[The Joker]]<br /> [[Batman villains (comics)]] ==External Links== *{{wikipedia-inline|Batman}} *{{wikipedia-inline|Batman (comics)}} *{{commonscat-inline|Batman}} *[http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Bruce_Wayne_(New_Earth)/Quotes Batman Quotes at the DC Database] *[http://www.comicbookdb.com/character.php?ID=48 Batman] at the Comic Book Database *[http://www.batman-on-film.com Batman-on-film.com] *[http://members.surfbest.net/argentium@surfbest.net/batman.htm Aaron Severson's The Golden Age Batman Chronology] {{Batman}} [[Category:DC Comics]] [[Category:Fictional characters]] [[Category:Science fiction comics]] [[Category:Fantasy comics]] [[Category:Crime comics]] [[Category:Batman]] g9fzrmy266hckxbvl7dz1rxdxmb8sbm 3949363 3949361 2026-06-06T00:22:04Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Batman RIP */ 3949363 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Old Batman symbol.jpg|thumb|Without warning, it comes...crashing through the window of your study, and mine...I have seen it before...somewhere. It frightened me as a boy... frightened me. Yes, father. I shall become a bat.]] [[File:Free-tailed bats.jpg|thumb|Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. So my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible...]] [[w:Batman (comic)|Batman]] is an ongoing comic book series featuring the DC Comics hero of the same name. The character first appeared in Detective Comics #27, published in May 1939; Batman proved to be so popular that a self-titled ongoing comic book series began publication in the spring of 1940. =Batman= '''[[w:Batman|Batman's]]''' (1939–current) [[w:secret identity|secret identity]] is '''Bruce Wayne''', a wealthy industrialist, playboy, and philanthropist. Witnessing the murder of his parents as a child, Wayne trains himself both physically and intellectually and dons a bat-themed costume in order to fight crime. Batman operates in the fictional American [[w:Gotham City|Gotham City]], assisted by various supporting characters including his sidekick [[w:Robin (comics)|Robin]] and his butler [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]], and fights an assortment of villains influenced by the characters' roots in film and [[W:pulp magazine|pulp magazines]]. Unlike most superheroes, he does not possess any [[w:Superpower (ability)|superpowers]]; he makes use of intellect, detective skills, science and technology, wealth, physical prowess, and intimidation in his war on crime. == Quotes == ===[[w:Detective Comics|Detective Comics]] vol. 1=== * Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. So my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible... ** [[Batman]] ''The Batman Wars Against the Dirigible of Doom'' Detective Comics #33 (November 1939), written by Bill Finger ===[[w:The Long Halloween|The Long Halloween]]=== * I believe in Jim Gordon. I believe in Harvey Dent. I believe in Gotham City. **''by [[w:Jeph Loeb|Jeph Loeb]] with art by [[w:Tim Sale (artist)|Tim Sale]]'' ===[[w:The Dark Knight Returns|The Dark Knight Returns]]=== * [To Superman] I want you to remember Clark, In all the years to come, in your most private moments, I want you to remember my hand at your throat, I want you to remember the one man who beat you. * [To Mutant Leader] You don't get it, boy... this isn't a mudhole... it's an operating table. And I'm the surgeon. **''by [[w:Frank Miller (comics)|Frank Miller]]'' ===[[w:Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth|Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth]]=== {{main|Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth}} * Sometimes it's only madness that makes us what we are. * Criminals are a terror. Hearts of the night. I must disguise my terror. Criminals are cowardly. A superstitious terrible omen. A cowardly lot. My disguise must strike terror. I must be black. Terrible. Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. I must be a creature. I must be a creature of the night. Mommy's dead. Daddy's dead. Brucie's dead. I shall become a bat. **''by [[w:Grant Morrison (comics)|Grant Morrison]] with art by [[w:Dave McKean|Dave McKean]]'' ===[[w:As The Crow Flies (comics)|As The Crow Flies]]=== * That vase was from the Ming Dynasty. Alfred will forgive me... eventually. **''by [[w:Judd Winick|Judd Winick]] with art by [[w:Dustin Nguyen (artist)|Dustin Nguyen]] and [[w:Richard Friend (artist)|Richard Friend]]'' ===[[w:Batman: The Killing Joke|Batman: The Killing Joke]]=== * '''Batman''': (to the Joker) Hello. I came to talk. I've been thinking lately. About you and me. About what's going to happen to us in the end. We're going to kill each other, aren't we? Perhaps you'll kill me. Perhaps I'll kill you. Perhaps sooner. Perhaps later. <hr width=50%/> *'''Batman''': (to the Joker) Don't you understand? I don't want to hurt you. I don't want either of us to end up killing the other. But we're both running out of alternatives, and we both know it. Maybe it all hinges on tonight. Maybe this is our last chance to sort this whole bloody mess out. If you don't take it, then we're both locked onto a suicide course. Both of us. To the death. It doesn't have to end like that. I don't know what it was that bent your life out of shape, but who knows? Maybe I've been there too. Maybe I can help. We could work together. I could rehabilitate you. You needn't be out there on the edge anymore. You needn't be alone. We don't have to kill each other. What do you say? **''by [[w:Alan Moore|Alan Moore]] with art by [[w:Brian Bolland|Brian Bolland]]'' ===[[w:Batman: Year One|Batman: Year One]]=== * Without warning, it comes...crashing through the window of your study, and mine...I have seen it before...somewhere. It frightened me as a boy... frightened me. Yes, father. I shall become a bat. * Ladies. Gentlemen. You have eaten well. You've eaten Gotham's wealth. Its spirit. Your feast is nearly over. From this moment on -- none of you are safe. **''by [[w:Frank Miller (comics)|Frank Miller]] with art by [[w:David Mazzucchelli|David Mazzucchelli]]'' ===[[w:Batman: Hush|Hush]]=== [[File:San Diego Comic-Con 2024 Masquerade - Cosplay of Batman 3.jpg|thumb| Deep down, [[Superman|Clark]]'s essentially a good person... and deep down, I'm not.]] * I made a promise on the grave of my parents that I would rid this city of the evil that took their lives. By day, I am Bruce Wayne, billionaire philanthropist. At night, criminals, a cowardly and superstitious lot, call me... Batman. * Criminals, by nature, are a cowardly and superstitious lot. To instill fear into their hearts, I became a bat. A monster in the night. And in doing so, have I become the very thing that ''all'' monsters become - alone? * Deep down, [[Superman|Clark]]'s essentially a good person... and deep down, I'm not. * They say that when you kill a man you not only take away what he was, but all he will ever be. * I have been to too many funerals. *''by [[w:Jeph Loeb|Jeph Loeb]] with art by [[w:Jim Lee|Jim Lee]]'' ===[[w:Identity Crisis (comics)|Identity Crisis]]=== * People think it's an obsession. A compulsion. As if there were an irresistible impulse to act. It's never been like that. I chose this life. I know what I'm doing. And on any given day, I could stop doing it. Today, however, isn't that day. And tomorrow won't be either. ''by [[w:Brad Meltzer|Brad Meltzer]] with art by [[w:Rags Morales|Rags Morales]] and [[w:Michael Bair|Michael Bair]]'' ===[[w:Infinite Crisis|Infinite Crisis]]=== * (to Superman) Everyone looks up to you. They listen to you. If you tell them to fight, they'll fight. But they need to be inspired. And let's face it "Superman"... the last time you really inspired anyone -- was when you were dead. **''by [[w:Geoff Johns|Geoff Johns]] with art by [[w:Phil Jimenez|Phil Jimenez]], [[w:George Pérez|George Pérez]], [[w:Ivan Reis|Ivan Reis]] and [[w:Jerry Ordway|Jerry Ordway]]'' ===[[w:Joker (comics)|The Joker: Devil's Advocate]]=== * (to the Joker) And when you're sitting here alone in the middle of the night, unsleeping in the dark, remember -- every breath you take you owe to me. **''by [[w:Chuck Dixon|Chuck Dixon]] with art by [[w:Graham Nolan|Graham Nolan]] ===[[w:Batman (comic book)|Batman #625]]=== * And as the sun, that had been too afraid to show its face in this city, started to turn the black into grey, I smiled. Not out of happiness. But because I knew... that one day, I wouldn't have to do this anymore. One day, I could stop fighting. Because one day... I would win. One day, there will be no pain, no loss, no crime. Because of me, because I fight. For you. One day, I will win. **''by [[w:Brian Azzarello|Brian Azzarello]] with art by [[w:Eduardo Risso|Eduardo Risso]]'' ===[[w:Batman RIP|Batman RIP]]=== * Did I finally reach the limits of reason? And find the Devil waiting? And was that fear in his eye? **''by [[w:Grant Morrison|Grant Morrison]] with art by [[w:Tony Daniel|Tony Daniel]]'' ====Other quotable characters==== ;Allies [[BatGirl]]<br /> [[Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Nightwing]]<br /> [[Jason Todd]]<br /> [[Barbara Gordon]]<br /> <!-- [[Damian Wayne]]<br /> [[Tim Drake]]<br /> [[Alfred Pennyworth]]<br /> [[Jim Gordon]]<br /> [[Batwoman]]<br /> --> [[Catwoman]]<br /> ;Enemies [[Anarky]]<br /> [[The Joker]]<br /> [[Batman villains (comics)]] ==External Links== *{{wikipedia-inline|Batman}} *{{wikipedia-inline|Batman (comics)}} *{{commonscat-inline|Batman}} *[http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Bruce_Wayne_(New_Earth)/Quotes Batman Quotes at the DC Database] *[http://www.comicbookdb.com/character.php?ID=48 Batman] at the Comic Book Database *[http://www.batman-on-film.com Batman-on-film.com] *[http://members.surfbest.net/argentium@surfbest.net/batman.htm Aaron Severson's The Golden Age Batman Chronology] {{Batman}} [[Category:DC Comics]] [[Category:Fictional characters]] [[Category:Science fiction comics]] [[Category:Fantasy comics]] [[Category:Crime comics]] [[Category:Batman]] qn6u50n0ak9mvwkq666lg10dwgzef43 3949364 3949363 2026-06-06T00:22:43Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Batman: Year One */ 3949364 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Old Batman symbol.jpg|thumb|Without warning, it comes...crashing through the window of your study, and mine...I have seen it before...somewhere. It frightened me as a boy... frightened me. Yes, father. I shall become a bat.]] [[File:Free-tailed bats.jpg|thumb|Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. So my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible...]] [[w:Batman (comic)|Batman]] is an ongoing comic book series featuring the DC Comics hero of the same name. The character first appeared in Detective Comics #27, published in May 1939; Batman proved to be so popular that a self-titled ongoing comic book series began publication in the spring of 1940. =Batman= '''[[w:Batman|Batman's]]''' (1939–current) [[w:secret identity|secret identity]] is '''Bruce Wayne''', a wealthy industrialist, playboy, and philanthropist. Witnessing the murder of his parents as a child, Wayne trains himself both physically and intellectually and dons a bat-themed costume in order to fight crime. Batman operates in the fictional American [[w:Gotham City|Gotham City]], assisted by various supporting characters including his sidekick [[w:Robin (comics)|Robin]] and his butler [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]], and fights an assortment of villains influenced by the characters' roots in film and [[W:pulp magazine|pulp magazines]]. Unlike most superheroes, he does not possess any [[w:Superpower (ability)|superpowers]]; he makes use of intellect, detective skills, science and technology, wealth, physical prowess, and intimidation in his war on crime. == Quotes == ===[[w:Detective Comics|Detective Comics]] vol. 1=== * Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. So my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible... ** [[Batman]] ''The Batman Wars Against the Dirigible of Doom'' Detective Comics #33 (November 1939), written by Bill Finger ===[[w:The Long Halloween|The Long Halloween]]=== * I believe in Jim Gordon. I believe in Harvey Dent. I believe in Gotham City. **''by [[w:Jeph Loeb|Jeph Loeb]] with art by [[w:Tim Sale (artist)|Tim Sale]]'' ===[[w:The Dark Knight Returns|The Dark Knight Returns]]=== * [To Superman] I want you to remember Clark, In all the years to come, in your most private moments, I want you to remember my hand at your throat, I want you to remember the one man who beat you. * [To Mutant Leader] You don't get it, boy... this isn't a mudhole... it's an operating table. And I'm the surgeon. **''by [[w:Frank Miller (comics)|Frank Miller]]'' ===[[w:Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth|Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth]]=== {{main|Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth}} * Sometimes it's only madness that makes us what we are. * Criminals are a terror. Hearts of the night. I must disguise my terror. Criminals are cowardly. A superstitious terrible omen. A cowardly lot. My disguise must strike terror. I must be black. Terrible. Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. I must be a creature. I must be a creature of the night. Mommy's dead. Daddy's dead. Brucie's dead. I shall become a bat. **''by [[w:Grant Morrison (comics)|Grant Morrison]] with art by [[w:Dave McKean|Dave McKean]]'' ===[[w:As The Crow Flies (comics)|As The Crow Flies]]=== * That vase was from the Ming Dynasty. Alfred will forgive me... eventually. **''by [[w:Judd Winick|Judd Winick]] with art by [[w:Dustin Nguyen (artist)|Dustin Nguyen]] and [[w:Richard Friend (artist)|Richard Friend]]'' ===[[w:Batman: The Killing Joke|Batman: The Killing Joke]]=== * '''Batman''': (to the Joker) Hello. I came to talk. I've been thinking lately. About you and me. About what's going to happen to us in the end. We're going to kill each other, aren't we? Perhaps you'll kill me. Perhaps I'll kill you. Perhaps sooner. Perhaps later. <hr width=50%/> *'''Batman''': (to the Joker) Don't you understand? I don't want to hurt you. I don't want either of us to end up killing the other. But we're both running out of alternatives, and we both know it. Maybe it all hinges on tonight. Maybe this is our last chance to sort this whole bloody mess out. If you don't take it, then we're both locked onto a suicide course. Both of us. To the death. It doesn't have to end like that. I don't know what it was that bent your life out of shape, but who knows? Maybe I've been there too. Maybe I can help. We could work together. I could rehabilitate you. You needn't be out there on the edge anymore. You needn't be alone. We don't have to kill each other. What do you say? **''by [[w:Alan Moore|Alan Moore]] with art by [[w:Brian Bolland|Brian Bolland]]'' ===[[w:Batman: Year One|Batman: Year One]]=== [[[[File:Batman (black background).jpg|thumb| Did I finally reach the limits of reason? And find the Devil waiting? And was that fear in his eye?]]|thumb| Ladies. Gentlemen. You have eaten well. You've eaten Gotham's wealth. Its spirit. Your feast is nearly over. From this moment on -- none of you are safe.]] * Without warning, it comes...crashing through the window of your study, and mine...I have seen it before...somewhere. It frightened me as a boy... frightened me. Yes, father. I shall become a bat. * Ladies. Gentlemen. You have eaten well. You've eaten Gotham's wealth. Its spirit. Your feast is nearly over. From this moment on -- none of you are safe. **''by [[w:Frank Miller (comics)|Frank Miller]] with art by [[w:David Mazzucchelli|David Mazzucchelli]]'' ===[[w:Batman: Hush|Hush]]=== [[File:San Diego Comic-Con 2024 Masquerade - Cosplay of Batman 3.jpg|thumb| Deep down, [[Superman|Clark]]'s essentially a good person... and deep down, I'm not.]] * I made a promise on the grave of my parents that I would rid this city of the evil that took their lives. By day, I am Bruce Wayne, billionaire philanthropist. At night, criminals, a cowardly and superstitious lot, call me... Batman. * Criminals, by nature, are a cowardly and superstitious lot. To instill fear into their hearts, I became a bat. A monster in the night. And in doing so, have I become the very thing that ''all'' monsters become - alone? * Deep down, [[Superman|Clark]]'s essentially a good person... and deep down, I'm not. * They say that when you kill a man you not only take away what he was, but all he will ever be. * I have been to too many funerals. *''by [[w:Jeph Loeb|Jeph Loeb]] with art by [[w:Jim Lee|Jim Lee]]'' ===[[w:Identity Crisis (comics)|Identity Crisis]]=== * People think it's an obsession. A compulsion. As if there were an irresistible impulse to act. It's never been like that. I chose this life. I know what I'm doing. And on any given day, I could stop doing it. Today, however, isn't that day. And tomorrow won't be either. ''by [[w:Brad Meltzer|Brad Meltzer]] with art by [[w:Rags Morales|Rags Morales]] and [[w:Michael Bair|Michael Bair]]'' ===[[w:Infinite Crisis|Infinite Crisis]]=== * (to Superman) Everyone looks up to you. They listen to you. If you tell them to fight, they'll fight. But they need to be inspired. And let's face it "Superman"... the last time you really inspired anyone -- was when you were dead. **''by [[w:Geoff Johns|Geoff Johns]] with art by [[w:Phil Jimenez|Phil Jimenez]], [[w:George Pérez|George Pérez]], [[w:Ivan Reis|Ivan Reis]] and [[w:Jerry Ordway|Jerry Ordway]]'' ===[[w:Joker (comics)|The Joker: Devil's Advocate]]=== * (to the Joker) And when you're sitting here alone in the middle of the night, unsleeping in the dark, remember -- every breath you take you owe to me. **''by [[w:Chuck Dixon|Chuck Dixon]] with art by [[w:Graham Nolan|Graham Nolan]] ===[[w:Batman (comic book)|Batman #625]]=== * And as the sun, that had been too afraid to show its face in this city, started to turn the black into grey, I smiled. Not out of happiness. But because I knew... that one day, I wouldn't have to do this anymore. One day, I could stop fighting. Because one day... I would win. One day, there will be no pain, no loss, no crime. Because of me, because I fight. For you. One day, I will win. **''by [[w:Brian Azzarello|Brian Azzarello]] with art by [[w:Eduardo Risso|Eduardo Risso]]'' ===[[w:Batman RIP|Batman RIP]]=== * Did I finally reach the limits of reason? And find the Devil waiting? And was that fear in his eye? **''by [[w:Grant Morrison|Grant Morrison]] with art by [[w:Tony Daniel|Tony Daniel]]'' ====Other quotable characters==== ;Allies [[BatGirl]]<br /> [[Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Nightwing]]<br /> [[Jason Todd]]<br /> [[Barbara Gordon]]<br /> <!-- [[Damian Wayne]]<br /> [[Tim Drake]]<br /> [[Alfred Pennyworth]]<br /> [[Jim Gordon]]<br /> [[Batwoman]]<br /> --> [[Catwoman]]<br /> ;Enemies [[Anarky]]<br /> [[The Joker]]<br /> [[Batman villains (comics)]] ==External Links== *{{wikipedia-inline|Batman}} *{{wikipedia-inline|Batman (comics)}} *{{commonscat-inline|Batman}} *[http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Bruce_Wayne_(New_Earth)/Quotes Batman Quotes at the DC Database] *[http://www.comicbookdb.com/character.php?ID=48 Batman] at the Comic Book Database *[http://www.batman-on-film.com Batman-on-film.com] *[http://members.surfbest.net/argentium@surfbest.net/batman.htm Aaron Severson's The Golden Age Batman Chronology] {{Batman}} [[Category:DC Comics]] [[Category:Fictional characters]] [[Category:Science fiction comics]] [[Category:Fantasy comics]] [[Category:Crime comics]] [[Category:Batman]] ojs7jnmmjlwof3gffzbxhy1izbc5zlr 3949365 3949364 2026-06-06T00:23:02Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Batman: Year One */ 3949365 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Old Batman symbol.jpg|thumb|Without warning, it comes...crashing through the window of your study, and mine...I have seen it before...somewhere. It frightened me as a boy... frightened me. Yes, father. I shall become a bat.]] [[File:Free-tailed bats.jpg|thumb|Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. So my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible...]] [[w:Batman (comic)|Batman]] is an ongoing comic book series featuring the DC Comics hero of the same name. The character first appeared in Detective Comics #27, published in May 1939; Batman proved to be so popular that a self-titled ongoing comic book series began publication in the spring of 1940. =Batman= '''[[w:Batman|Batman's]]''' (1939–current) [[w:secret identity|secret identity]] is '''Bruce Wayne''', a wealthy industrialist, playboy, and philanthropist. Witnessing the murder of his parents as a child, Wayne trains himself both physically and intellectually and dons a bat-themed costume in order to fight crime. Batman operates in the fictional American [[w:Gotham City|Gotham City]], assisted by various supporting characters including his sidekick [[w:Robin (comics)|Robin]] and his butler [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]], and fights an assortment of villains influenced by the characters' roots in film and [[W:pulp magazine|pulp magazines]]. Unlike most superheroes, he does not possess any [[w:Superpower (ability)|superpowers]]; he makes use of intellect, detective skills, science and technology, wealth, physical prowess, and intimidation in his war on crime. == Quotes == ===[[w:Detective Comics|Detective Comics]] vol. 1=== * Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. So my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible... ** [[Batman]] ''The Batman Wars Against the Dirigible of Doom'' Detective Comics #33 (November 1939), written by Bill Finger ===[[w:The Long Halloween|The Long Halloween]]=== * I believe in Jim Gordon. I believe in Harvey Dent. I believe in Gotham City. **''by [[w:Jeph Loeb|Jeph Loeb]] with art by [[w:Tim Sale (artist)|Tim Sale]]'' ===[[w:The Dark Knight Returns|The Dark Knight Returns]]=== * [To Superman] I want you to remember Clark, In all the years to come, in your most private moments, I want you to remember my hand at your throat, I want you to remember the one man who beat you. * [To Mutant Leader] You don't get it, boy... this isn't a mudhole... it's an operating table. And I'm the surgeon. **''by [[w:Frank Miller (comics)|Frank Miller]]'' ===[[w:Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth|Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth]]=== {{main|Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth}} * Sometimes it's only madness that makes us what we are. * Criminals are a terror. Hearts of the night. I must disguise my terror. Criminals are cowardly. A superstitious terrible omen. A cowardly lot. My disguise must strike terror. I must be black. Terrible. Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. I must be a creature. I must be a creature of the night. Mommy's dead. Daddy's dead. Brucie's dead. I shall become a bat. **''by [[w:Grant Morrison (comics)|Grant Morrison]] with art by [[w:Dave McKean|Dave McKean]]'' ===[[w:As The Crow Flies (comics)|As The Crow Flies]]=== * That vase was from the Ming Dynasty. Alfred will forgive me... eventually. **''by [[w:Judd Winick|Judd Winick]] with art by [[w:Dustin Nguyen (artist)|Dustin Nguyen]] and [[w:Richard Friend (artist)|Richard Friend]]'' ===[[w:Batman: The Killing Joke|Batman: The Killing Joke]]=== * '''Batman''': (to the Joker) Hello. I came to talk. I've been thinking lately. About you and me. About what's going to happen to us in the end. We're going to kill each other, aren't we? Perhaps you'll kill me. Perhaps I'll kill you. Perhaps sooner. Perhaps later. <hr width=50%/> *'''Batman''': (to the Joker) Don't you understand? I don't want to hurt you. I don't want either of us to end up killing the other. But we're both running out of alternatives, and we both know it. Maybe it all hinges on tonight. Maybe this is our last chance to sort this whole bloody mess out. If you don't take it, then we're both locked onto a suicide course. Both of us. To the death. It doesn't have to end like that. I don't know what it was that bent your life out of shape, but who knows? Maybe I've been there too. Maybe I can help. We could work together. I could rehabilitate you. You needn't be out there on the edge anymore. You needn't be alone. We don't have to kill each other. What do you say? **''by [[w:Alan Moore|Alan Moore]] with art by [[w:Brian Bolland|Brian Bolland]]'' ===[[w:Batman: Year One|Batman: Year One]]=== [[File:Batman (black background).jpg|thumb|Ladies. Gentlemen. You have eaten well. You've eaten Gotham's wealth. Its spirit. Your feast is nearly over. From this moment on -- none of you are safe.]] * Without warning, it comes...crashing through the window of your study, and mine...I have seen it before...somewhere. It frightened me as a boy... frightened me. Yes, father. I shall become a bat. * Ladies. Gentlemen. You have eaten well. You've eaten Gotham's wealth. Its spirit. Your feast is nearly over. From this moment on -- none of you are safe. **''by [[w:Frank Miller (comics)|Frank Miller]] with art by [[w:David Mazzucchelli|David Mazzucchelli]]'' ===[[w:Batman: Hush|Hush]]=== [[File:San Diego Comic-Con 2024 Masquerade - Cosplay of Batman 3.jpg|thumb| Deep down, [[Superman|Clark]]'s essentially a good person... and deep down, I'm not.]] * I made a promise on the grave of my parents that I would rid this city of the evil that took their lives. By day, I am Bruce Wayne, billionaire philanthropist. At night, criminals, a cowardly and superstitious lot, call me... Batman. * Criminals, by nature, are a cowardly and superstitious lot. To instill fear into their hearts, I became a bat. A monster in the night. And in doing so, have I become the very thing that ''all'' monsters become - alone? * Deep down, [[Superman|Clark]]'s essentially a good person... and deep down, I'm not. * They say that when you kill a man you not only take away what he was, but all he will ever be. * I have been to too many funerals. *''by [[w:Jeph Loeb|Jeph Loeb]] with art by [[w:Jim Lee|Jim Lee]]'' ===[[w:Identity Crisis (comics)|Identity Crisis]]=== * People think it's an obsession. A compulsion. As if there were an irresistible impulse to act. It's never been like that. I chose this life. I know what I'm doing. And on any given day, I could stop doing it. Today, however, isn't that day. And tomorrow won't be either. ''by [[w:Brad Meltzer|Brad Meltzer]] with art by [[w:Rags Morales|Rags Morales]] and [[w:Michael Bair|Michael Bair]]'' ===[[w:Infinite Crisis|Infinite Crisis]]=== * (to Superman) Everyone looks up to you. They listen to you. If you tell them to fight, they'll fight. But they need to be inspired. And let's face it "Superman"... the last time you really inspired anyone -- was when you were dead. **''by [[w:Geoff Johns|Geoff Johns]] with art by [[w:Phil Jimenez|Phil Jimenez]], [[w:George Pérez|George Pérez]], [[w:Ivan Reis|Ivan Reis]] and [[w:Jerry Ordway|Jerry Ordway]]'' ===[[w:Joker (comics)|The Joker: Devil's Advocate]]=== * (to the Joker) And when you're sitting here alone in the middle of the night, unsleeping in the dark, remember -- every breath you take you owe to me. **''by [[w:Chuck Dixon|Chuck Dixon]] with art by [[w:Graham Nolan|Graham Nolan]] ===[[w:Batman (comic book)|Batman #625]]=== * And as the sun, that had been too afraid to show its face in this city, started to turn the black into grey, I smiled. Not out of happiness. But because I knew... that one day, I wouldn't have to do this anymore. One day, I could stop fighting. Because one day... I would win. One day, there will be no pain, no loss, no crime. Because of me, because I fight. For you. One day, I will win. **''by [[w:Brian Azzarello|Brian Azzarello]] with art by [[w:Eduardo Risso|Eduardo Risso]]'' ===[[w:Batman RIP|Batman RIP]]=== * Did I finally reach the limits of reason? And find the Devil waiting? And was that fear in his eye? **''by [[w:Grant Morrison|Grant Morrison]] with art by [[w:Tony Daniel|Tony Daniel]]'' ====Other quotable characters==== ;Allies [[BatGirl]]<br /> [[Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Nightwing]]<br /> [[Jason Todd]]<br /> [[Barbara Gordon]]<br /> <!-- [[Damian Wayne]]<br /> [[Tim Drake]]<br /> [[Alfred Pennyworth]]<br /> [[Jim Gordon]]<br /> [[Batwoman]]<br /> --> [[Catwoman]]<br /> ;Enemies [[Anarky]]<br /> [[The Joker]]<br /> [[Batman villains (comics)]] ==External Links== *{{wikipedia-inline|Batman}} *{{wikipedia-inline|Batman (comics)}} *{{commonscat-inline|Batman}} *[http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Bruce_Wayne_(New_Earth)/Quotes Batman Quotes at the DC Database] *[http://www.comicbookdb.com/character.php?ID=48 Batman] at the Comic Book Database *[http://www.batman-on-film.com Batman-on-film.com] *[http://members.surfbest.net/argentium@surfbest.net/batman.htm Aaron Severson's The Golden Age Batman Chronology] {{Batman}} [[Category:DC Comics]] [[Category:Fictional characters]] [[Category:Science fiction comics]] [[Category:Fantasy comics]] [[Category:Crime comics]] [[Category:Batman]] rigkbd4fi1cmfozux9ghg4d1w7fvbn0 0 16176 3949234 3692439 2026-06-05T14:54:22Z ~2026-33178-50 3336837 3949234 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Dziób ORP Iskra.JPG|144px|thumb|right|A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.]] '''John Augustus Shedd''' (1859 – 1928) was an American author and professor. In 1928 he wrote "Salt from My Attic". <!-- whose 500 copies were made on aurelian paper, privately printed for John A. Shedd and the type distributed in the month of August 1928. John A. Shedd is not to be confused with [[w:John G. Shedd|John G. Shedd]]. --> {{author-stub}} == Quotes == * '''A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.''' ** ''Salt from My Attic'' (1928), The Mosher Press, Portland, Maine, p. 20; cited in ''Stevenson's Book of Quotations'', Ninth Edition (1958), London: Cassell. By Burton Stevenson, p. 1754. * '''He who thanks but with the lips, thanks but in part; the full, the true thanksgiving comes from the heart.''' ** ''Salt from My Attic'' (1928), The Mosher Press, Portland, Maine; cited in ''The Yale Book of Quotations'' (2006) ed. Fred R. Shapiro, p. 705; there are numerous variants of this expression. Its a really rare, exclusive book. {{DEFAULTSORT:Shedd, John Augustus}} [[Category:Authors from the United States]] [[Category:1859 births]] [[Category:1928 deaths]] [[Category:Articles with no corresponding English Wikipedia article]] otykimza4ipczno97ez5au2jaq5dmgp 0 18224 3949380 3458257 2026-06-06T01:19:51Z Ollin Masa 3311333 3949380 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Pierre Corneille 2.jpg|thumb|As great as kings may be, they are what we are: they can err like other men.]] '''[[w:Pierre Corneille|Pierre Corneille]]''' ([[June 6]], [[1606]] – [[October 1]], [[1684]]) was a French tragedian who was one of the three great 17th-century French dramatists, along with [[Molière]] and [[Jean Racine]]. He has been called “the founder of French tragedy” and produced plays for nearly 40 years. == Quotes == * ''La raison et l'amour sont ennemis jurés.'' ** Reason and love are sworn enemies. *** '''La nourrice,''' ''La Veuve'' [The Widow], (1631), act II, scene III. ** I owe my fame only to myself. *** "L'Excuse à Ariste" (1637). ** The subject of a good tragedy must not be realistic. *** ''Héraclius'' (1646), preface. * ''Devine, si tu peux, et choisis, si tu l'oses.'' ** '''Guess if you can, choose if you dare.''' * ''Qui se laisse outrager, mérite qu'on l'outrage<br>Et l'audace impunie enfle trop un courage.'' ** '''He who is insulted has a right to be outraged, as unpunished audacity only increases!''' ** ''Heraclius'', act I, scene II. * ''Un service au-dessus de toute récompense<br>À force d'obliger tient presque lieu d'offense.'' ** A service beyond all recompense<br>Weighs so heavy that it almost gives offense. *** '''Orode,''' ''Suréna'' (1674), act III, scene I. === ''[[w:Le Cid|Le Cid]]'' (1636) === * ''Ses rides, sur son front, ont grave ses exploits.'' ** The wrinkles on his forehead are the marks which his mighty deeds have engraved. *** '''Don Diego,''' act I, scene i. * ''L'amour est un tyran qui n'épargne personne.'' ** '''Love is a tyrant, sparing none.''' *** '''Doña Urraque,''' act I, scene ii. * ''Pour grands que soient les rois, ils sont ce que nous sommes:<br>Ils peuvent se tromper comme les autres hommes.'' ** '''As great as kings may be, they are what we are: they can err like other men.''' *** '''Don Gomès,''' act I, scene iii. * '''Don Diègue''': ''Rodrigue, as-tu du coeur?''<br>'''Don Rodrigue''': ''Tout autre que mon père<br>L’éprouverait sur l’heure.'' ** '''Don Diègue''': Rodrigue, have you any courage?<br>'''Don Rodrigue''': Anyone but my father <br>Would find out on the spot. *** Act I, scene v. * ''Qui peut vivre infâme est indigne du jour.'' ** '''He who can live in infamy is unworthy of life.''' *** '''Don Diègue,''' act I, scene v. * ''Qui ne craint point la mort ne craint point les menaces.'' ** '''He who fears not death fears not a threat.''' *** '''Don Gomès,''' act II, scene i. * ''L’on peut me réduire à vivre sans bonheur,<br>Mais non pas me résoudre à vivre sans honneur.'' ** '''I can be forced to live without happiness,<br>But I will never consent to live without honor.''' *** '''Don Gomès,''' act II, scene i. * ''Je suis jeune, il est vrai; mais aux âmes bien nées<br>La valeur n’attend point le nombre des années.'' ** True, I am young, but for souls nobly born<br>Valor doesn’t await the passing of years. *** '''Don Rodrigue,''' act II, scene ii. * ''À qui venge son père, il n’est rien d’impossible.'' ** To he who avenges a father, nothing is impossible. *** '''Don Rodrigue,''' act II, scene ii. * ''À vaincre sans péril, on triomphe sans gloire.'' ** '''To conquer without risk is to triumph without glory.''' *** '''Don Gomès,''' act II, scene ii. * ''Les hommes valeureux le sont du premier coup.'' ** '''Brave men are brave from the very first.''' ** '''Chimène,''' act II, scene iii. * ''La moitié de ma vie a mis l’autre au tombeau.'' ** One half of my life has put the other half in the grave. *** '''Chimène,''' act III, scene iii. * ''Jamais nous ne goûtons de parfaite allégresse:<br>Nos plus heureux succès sont mêlés de tristesse.'' ** '''We never taste a perfect joy;<br>Our happiest successes are mixed with sadness.''' *** '''Don Diègue,''' act III, scene v. * ''Ô combien d’actions, combien d’exploits célèbres<br>Sont demeurés sans gloire au milieu des ténèbres.'' ** Oh! how many actions, how many fabulous exploits<br>Remain without glory in the midst of the night. *** '''Don Rodrigue,''' act IV, scene iii. * ''Et le combat cessa faute de combattants.'' ** And the combat ceased for want of combatants. *** '''Don Rodrigue,''' act IV, scene iii. === ''Horace'' (1639) === *** '''Horace,''' act II, scene iii. * ''Faites votre devoir, et laissez faire aux dieux.'' ** '''Do your duty, and leave the rest to heaven.''' *** '''Le vieil Horace,''' act II, scene viii. * ''Tous maux sont pareils alors qu’ils sont extrêmes.'' ** '''All evils are equal when they are extreme.''' *** '''Sabine,''' act III, scene iv. * ''De pareils serviteurs sont les forces des rois,<br>Et de pareils aussi sont au-dessus des lois.'' ** Such subjects are the very strength of kings,<br>And are thus above the law. *** '''Tulle,''' act V, scene iii *** King Tullus forgives the hero, Horace, who has saved the state but killed his sister. * ''Ta vertu met ta gloire au-dessus de ton crime.'' ** Your virtue raises your glory above your crime. *** '''Tulle,''' act V, scene iii. === ''[[w:Cinna (play)|Cinna]]'' (1641) === [[File:Statue-Augustus.jpg|thumb|Ambition displeases when it has been sated... Having reached the peak, it aspires to descend.]] [[File:Caesar augustus.jpg|thumb|After having won a scepter, few are so generous<br>As to disdain the pleasures of ruling.]] [[File:0005MAN-OctAugusto.jpg|thumb|Clemency is the noblest trait<br>Which can reveal a true monarch to the world.]] * ''L'ambition déplaît quand elle est assouvie... Monté sur le faîte, il aspire à descendre.'' ** Ambition displeases when it has been sated... Having reached the peak, it aspires to descend. *** '''Auguste,''' act II, scene i. * ''L'exemple souvent n'est qu'un miroir trompeur;<br>Et l'ordre du destin qui gêne nos pensées<br>N'est pas toujours écrit dans les choses passées.'' ** '''An example is often a deceptive mirror,<br>And the order of destiny, so troubling to our thoughts,<br>Is not always found written in things past.''' *** '''Auguste,''' act II, scene i. * ''Peu de généreux vont jusqu'à dédaigner,<br>Après un sceptre acquis, la douceur de régner.'' ** '''After having won a scepter, few are so generous<br>As to disdain the pleasures of ruling.''' *** '''Maxime,''' act II, scene i. * ''Le pire des États, c'est l'État populaire.'' ** The worst of all states is the people's state. *** '''Cinna,''' act II, scene i. * ''La perfidie est noble envers la tyrannie.'' ** Treachery is noble when aimed at tyranny. *** '''Émilie,''' act III, scene iv. * ''Qui peut tout doit tout craindre.'' ** '''Who is all-powerful should fear everything.''' *** '''Auguste,''' act IV, scene ii. * ''Qui pardonne aisément invite à l'offenser.'' ** He who pardons easily invites offense. *** '''Auguste,''' act IV, scene ii. * ''La clémence est la plus belle marque<br>Qui fasse à l'univers connaître un vrai monarque.'' ** '''Clemency is the noblest trait<br>Which can reveal a true monarch to the world.''' *** '''Livie,''' act IV, scene iii. * ''Tous ces crimes d'État qu'on fait pour la couronne,<br>Le ciel nous en absout alors qu'il nous la donne.'' ** Heaven absolves all crimes committed to gain a throne<br>Once Heaven gives it to us. *** '''Livie,''' act V, scene ii. === ''[[w:Polyeucte|Polyeucte]]'' (1642) === * ''Le désir s'accroît quand l'effet se recule.'' ** '''Desire increases when fulfillment is postponed.''' *** '''Polyeucte,''' act I, scene i. The preceding quote is famous in French because it sounds as '''Desire increases when the bottom recoils.''' * ''Fuyez un ennemi qui sait votre défaut.'' ** Flee an enemy who knows your weakness. *** '''Néarque,''' act I, scene i. * ''À raconter ses maux souvent on les soulage.'' ** By speaking of our misfortunes we often relieve them. *** '''Stratonice,''' act I, scene iii. * ''Sa fureur ne va qu'à briser nos autels,<br>Elle n'en veut qu'aux dieux, et non pas aux mortels.'' ** Its fury aims to shatter but our altars:<br>It scorns only the gods and never the mortals. *** '''Stratonice,''' act I, scene iii *** Referring to the early Christian church. * ''Ma raison, il est vrai, dompte mes sentiments,<br>Mais, quelque autorité que sur eux elle ait prise,<br>Elle n'y règne pas, elle les tyrannise.'' ** My reason, it’s true, controls my feelings,<br>But whatever its authority,<br>It doesn’t rule them so much as tyrannize them. *** '''Pauline,''' act II, scene ii. * ''Je consens, ou plutôt j'aspire à ma ruine.'' ** I agree to, or rather aspire to, my doom. *** '''Polyeucte,''' act IV, scene ii. * ''Je vous aime,<br>Beaucoup moins que mon Dieu, mais bien plus que moi-même.'' ** I love you much less than my God, but much more than myself. *** '''Polyeucte,''' act IV, scene iii. * ''Plus l'effort est grand, plus la gloire en est grande.'' ** '''The greater the effort, the greater the glory.''' *** '''Pauline,''' act IV, scene v. * ''Les chrétiens n'ont qu'un Dieu, maître absolu de tout,<br>De qui le seul vouloir fait tout ce qu'il résout;<br>Mais, si j'ose entre nous dire ce que me semble,<br>Les nôtres bien souvent s'accordent mal ensemble,<br>Et, me dût leur colère écraser à tes yeux,<br>Nous en avons beaucoup pour être de vrais dieux.'' ** The Christians have one God alone, the lord<br>Of all, whose will unaided does what he<br>Resolves. But, if I dare to speak my mind,<br>Our gods are often ill-assorted, and<br>Ev'n were their wrath to strike me down at once,<br>There are too many to be real gods. *** '''Sévère,''' act IV, scene vi. Trans. John Cairncross (1980) *** Variant of last lines: As for our gods, we have a few too many to be true. * ''Sans doute vos chrétiens, qu'on persécute en vain,<br>Ont quelque chose en eux qui surpasse l'humain:<br>Ils mènent une vie avec tant d'innocence,<br>Que le ciel leur en doit quelque reconnaissance;<br>Se relever plus forts, plus ils sont abattus,<br>N'est pas aussi l'effet des communes vertus.'' ** Your Christians, whom one persecutes in vain,<br>Have something in them that surpasses the human.<br>They lead a life of such innocence,<br>That the heavens owe them some recognition:<br>That they arise the stronger the more they are beaten down<br>Is hardly the result of common virtues. *** '''Sévère,''' act V, scene vi. === ''La Mort de Pompée (The Death of Pompey)'' (1642) === * ''À force d'être juste on est souvent coupable.'' ** One is often guilty by being too just. *** '''Photin,''' act I, scene i. * ''Qui punit le vaincu ne craint point le vainqueur.'' ** He who punishes the vanquished fears not the victor. *** '''Photin,''' act I, scene i. * ''Ne durât-il qu'un jour, ma gloire est sans seconde<br>D'être du moins un jour la maîtresse du monde.'' ** Be it only for a day, it is still a glory without equal<br>To be master of the world just that day. *** '''Cléopâtre,''' act II, scene i. * ''Ma mort était ma gloire, et le destin m'en prive.'' ** Death was to be my glory, but destiny has refused it. *** '''Cornélie,''' act III, scene iv. * ''C'est une imprudence assez commune aux rois<br>D'écouter trop d'avis et se tromper au choix.'' ** It is an imprudence common to kings<br>To listen to too much advice and to err in their choice. *** '''Ptolomée,''' act IV, scene i. * ''Comme nos intérêts, nos sentiments diffèrent.'' ** As our self-interests differ, so do our feelings. *** '''Cornélie,''' act V, scene ii. === ''[[w:Le Menteur|Le Menteur]] (The Liar)'' (1643) === * ''La façon de donner vaut mieux que ce qu'on donne.'' ** '''The manner of giving is worth more than the gift.''' *** '''Cliton,''' act I, scene i. * ''Un menteur est toujours prodigue de serments.'' ** A liar is always lavish of oaths. *** '''Clariste,''' act III, scene v. * ''Les gens que vous tuez se portent assez bien.'' ** The people you killed seem to be in excellent health. *** '''Cliton,''' act IV, scene ii *** Cliton describing people whom a liar claims to have killed in duels. * ''Il faut bonne mémoire après qu'on a menti.'' ** It takes a good memory to keep up a lie. *** '''Cliton,''' act IV, scene v è lkrjlrgije oeirogjsvirt9rugjsvn os9eurogin soiruogjvd;apeortpk eo r5,punimocijo jcc xn xi hbxifugnbcxdfudg grg ihbxf sdbd ygrgbjdxfoiu ofgj ofi hiotif gjb dofgi jhodildlf; se9586i09oirr[["p4-50y-0[p'D"Pi540-5 [fo ''''''Bold text''''''=== ''Nicodemus'' (1651) === * ''Faithless we l'on vouch Craig, et je ne drain rain.'' ** Have others fear you, and I will have no fear. *** '''Icelandic,''' act I, scene i. * ''Le Roi, juste et prudent, ne veut Que ce qu'il peut.'' ** The king, just and prudent, wants only those things which he can get. *** '''Laodice,''' act I, scene ii. * ''Et ne savez-vous plus qu'il n'est princes ni rois<br>Qu'elle daigne égaler à ses moindres bourgeois?'' ** The universe has no prince or king<br>That it [Rome] would consider equal to its humblest citizen. *** '''Nicomède,''' act I, scene ii. * ''Seigneur, si j'ai raison, qu'importe à qui je sois?'' ** Sir, what does it matter whom I serve, so long as I am right? *** '''Nicomède,''' act I, scene ii. * ''Il m'a trop bien servi;<br>Augmentant mon pouvoir, il me l'a tout ravi:<br>II n'est plus mon sujet qu'autant qu'il le veut être.<br>Et qui me fait régner en effet est mon maître.'' ** He has served me too well;<br>By increasing my power he has stolen it away:<br>He is now my subject only so long as he pleases.<br>'''He who allows me to rule is in fact my master.''' *** '''Prusias,''' act II, scene i. * ''C'est un crime d'État que d'en pouvoir commettre.'' ** It is a crime against the State to be powerful enough to commit one. *** '''Araspe,''' act II, scene i. * ''Je ne veux point de rois qui sachent obéir.'' ** I would not like a king who could obey. *** '''Laodice,''' act III, scene ii. * ''Qui fait le conseiller n'est plus ambassadeur.'' ** He who plays advisor is no longer ambassador. *** '''Nicomède,''' act III, scene iii. * ''Ma générosité cède enfin à sa haine.'' ** My generosity finally cedes to her hatred. *** '''Nicomède,''' act III, scene iv. * ''C'est n'avoir pas perdu tout votre temps à Rome,<br>Que vous savoir ainsi défendre en galant homme:<br>Vous avez de l'esprit, si vous n'avez du cœur.'' ** You haven’t wasted all your time in Rome,<br>Since you know how to defend yourself so gallantly:<br>You have wit, even if you haven’t courage. *** '''Nicomède,''' act III, scene vi. * ''Un véritable roi n'est ni mari ni père;<br>Il regarde son trône, et rien de plus.'' ** A true king is neither husband nor father;<br>He considers his throne and nothing else. *** '''Nicomède,''' act IV, scene iii. === ''Sertorius'' (1662) === * ''On a peine à haïr ce qu'on a bien aimé,<br>Et le feu mal éteint est bientôt rallumé.'' ** It is hard to hate what one has loved,<br>And a half-extinguished fire is soon relit. *** '''Sertorius,''' act I, scene iii. * ''Rome seule aujourd'hui peut résister à Rome.'' ** Rome alone can resist Rome. *** '''Viriate,''' act II, scene i. * ''Ils etaient plus que rois; ils sont moindres qu'esclaves.'' ** They were more than kings, now they are less than slaves. *** '''Sertorius,''' act III, scene i *** Sertorius describes Roman citizens after they had fallen under tyranny. * ''Rome n'est plus dans Rome, elle est toute où je suis.'' ** Rome is no longer in Rome, it is here where I am. *** '''Sertorius,''' act III, scene i. === ''[[w:Tite et Bérénice|Tite et Bérénice]] (Titus and Berenice)'' (1670) === * ''L'amour-propre est la source en nous de tous les autres.'' ** Self-love is the source of all our other loves. *** '''Albin,''' act I, scene iii. * ''Qui se vainc une fois peut se vaincre toujours.'' ** '''They who overcome their desires once can overcome them always.''' *** '''Domitien,''' act II, scene ii. * ''Me puis-je mieux venger, si vous me trahissez,<br>Que d'aimer à vos yeux ce que vous haïssez?'' ** If you betray me, can I take a better revenge<br>Than to love the person you hate? *** '''Domitien,''' act IV, scene iii. * ''Un monarque a souvent des lois à s'imposer;<br>Et qui veut pouvoir tout ne doit pas tout oser.'' ** '''A monarch must sometimes rule even himself:<br>He who wants everything must risk very little.''' *** '''Tite,''' act IV, scene v. * ''Chaque instant de la vie est un pas vers la mort.'' ** '''Each instant of life is a step toward death.''' *** '''Tite,''' act V, scene i. == External links== {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} * {{gutenberg author| id=Corneille+Pierre | name=Pierre Corneille}} * [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Pierre_Corneille Pierre Corneille at French Wikisource] {{DEFAULTSORT:Corneille, Pierre}} [[Category:Academics from France]] [[Category:Playwrights from France]] [[Category:Fantasy authors]] [[Category:1684 deaths]] [[Category:1606 births]] 354oie2tqtwi4r3ps2z9s0t4u9mjdcu 0 24653 3949312 3948051 2026-06-05T20:03:29Z Thewordguy1984 504288 /* Sideshow [2.1] */ I added the quotes. 3949312 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[Spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': You diseased maniac! I'll- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': Help! Somebody please help us- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long]'' :'''Dr. Long''': Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night, I AM '''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Justice WILL be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a smile? ''[He tosses a razor card at Batman. Batman dodges it.]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week. :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[collapses]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman. A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course. Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers. The blood of those flowers are on his hands. So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. Lovely fragrance, don't you think? I call it "Rose From the Dead". ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have. You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children. :'''Batman''': "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes. I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade. And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner. :'''Detective Bullock''': Yeah, yeah. :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? :'''Detective Bullock''': I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear. ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': Son of a gun. :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[on TV, reporting about the Mayor's missing son]'' The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right. Come on in. I've been thinking about a protege. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman? :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko. :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. I should know. :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it a finale! ''[throws down the axe and discards his Jekko the Clown mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! <hr width="50%"/> ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis. ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps. He sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''...with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom. :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom, Honest. :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it. Let the egg hunt begin. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do. ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello. :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': My God. :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength. ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[to Boyle]'' Good night, humanitarian. ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from all sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really? :'''Bruce''': And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid. :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do horror pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne! Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle. ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see it's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[He destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a man. ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host asks for audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible ''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No, I mean, that's just not so. :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Clayface starts smashing the control panels, yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy. It looks just like Bruce Wayne. :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? Too bad I won't get to read the notices. ''[faints]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy. Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. [He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket]'' This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody". ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with...'''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[gives his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who hides behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': ''[gets into the car]'' Drive! :'''Detective Bullock''': Croc? How did you- :'''Killer Croc''': Escape? Simple. The guards don't think about the sewers. No one does, except me. :'''Detective Bullock''': It was you who set me up for Spyder and Joey. :'''Killer Croc''': You got it. I want you to sweat it out of the cell for while like I did. ''[threatening to touch Bullock]'' To know what it feels like the way I do. ''[Batman surprisingly stops him]'' Huh? You? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Give it up, Croc! I know everything now. You plant that toothpick on the dock, didn't you? And you impersonated Bullock at the jail. :'''Killer Croc''': Yeah. And it would have gone down smooth if you had buttered in. But, hey, I'm adaptable! When you grow up looking like I do. You gotta learn to go with a flow. I'll just take care of you first, then Bullock. ''[wheels the pipe on Batman]'' :'''Batman''': Ah! ''[Thud to the sewage water]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[comes out]'' See, this ain't no batcave; you're on my turf now. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo." Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk. :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long. At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out. :''(Fugate laughs as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': And the convictions of a fanatic. :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? [Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula] This spray is triple-strength, Batman. It will start the transformation without any preliminaries. [Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands] He should be sprouting leaves by now. :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem. Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker. :''[The Joker enters, laughing ]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis. Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''. :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course. This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design. So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony. ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better. :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle. So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face. [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches. :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law. :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya? Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves laughing, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye. :'''Francis''': He's crazy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me. :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'. :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him. :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million. :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million. :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown. :'''Joker''': Which one? :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath. I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685. ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd. I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England. :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you rich? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate. :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that. :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this. :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back. :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard. :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it. I was just sitting here. :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting. :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer. We're on the air. :'''Summer Gleeson''': ' Oh Uh... there you have it. Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please. Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie. We checked the shoreline for miles. But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our mutual adversary suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look. :'''Alfred''': DMV. :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles. :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up. :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir. It does make "cents" when you add it up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online. I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware, you would have discovered a cordless modem line. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and the Riddler clash in the virtual world, each splitting into many duplicates of himself]'' :'''Riddler''': Nice try, Batman, but in my world, you play by my rules. :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself. :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler". Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore. You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer. That was a private matter and was meant to remain one. :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma! Just as I'm about to delete ''you,'' Batman! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': We can keep this up as long as you can! Any number you can think of, we can double! :''[Batman remerges back into one]'' :'''Batman''': Tell me, Riddler - how can you split your focus in thirty-two directions, ''and'' sustain the consciousness needed to keep your world together? You ''can't!'' :'''Riddler''': No... ''NO!'' :''[The virtual world starts to collapse]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman and Robin rescue Gordon from the game]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[still inside]'' I can escape that easily too! But then, if the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job! ''[the screen flickers]'' No! No, not yet! NO! ''[screams]'' :'''Robin''': Looked like he suffered some kind of attack, like a sensory overload or something... :'''Gordon''': But we'll never know for sure, cause we'll never find him. :'''Batman''': Oh, no? Come on. I think he left us a clue... "If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. :''[Batman, Robin and Gordon find the Riddler, shuddering and irresponsive]'' :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be. And how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy...don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE and slap him in that box THERE and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese? ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake. I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale. :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"? ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers. Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me. Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl. You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life? ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do. ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population. ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillian "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': It's your last hunt, Bats, and now you're the prey. ''[Threatens Batman to kill him with a pitch fork]'' Hahahahahaha... :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': ''[Holds Croc on his leg]'' Croc, no! Don't do this! :'''May & June''': You can't! It's not right. :'''Killer Croc''': I can and I will! ''[Continues to threat Batman]'' :'''Goliath''': ''[Grabs a pitch fork from him]'' No killing! ''[Breaks a pitch fork in half]'' :'''Killer Croc''': (to Goliath) Why, you dirty? ''[Jumps on Goliath]'' Stay out of this! This is between me and the bat. :'''May & June''': ''[Goes near the cage]'' But, you can't kill him. He's still a human being. :'''Killer Croc''': (to May & June) Who are you calling human? :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': ''[Glitches his outfit]'' Oh, Croc. :'''Richard III''': ''[Picks up the broken pitch fork stick]'' Alas! I fear that the chameleon has shown his true colors! I think you should to leave, my friend, we had enough of these shenanigans. :'''Killer Croc''': (looks at Batman and to Billy) ''[Attempts to use the 3 bat-smokes out of bat utility belt]'' Well, kid, looks like we gotta had to postpone a little swim. :'''Batman''': WATCH OUT! :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': ''[Killer Croc stuns them with a bat smoke]'' Hey! ''[They coughs and lies down to the ground]'' :'''Killer Croc''': (to Batman) The bigger they are, eh, Bats? ''[Batman looks at him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts. :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs. :'''Batman''': Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio. ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly and Batman stops it]'' :'''Harley''': Oops. :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. :'''Harley''': Okay. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately, I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys. We're blowing town. Literally. :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people. :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline. [laughs] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie. It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip. :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and- :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets. :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': I'll buy you a goldfish. Let's go. :'''Harley''': No! :'''Joker''': Why, you little- <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts. Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest. ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor. Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me. :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding. ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it? :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': Can it, sister. This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you. :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat.]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you. Scarface, he's another person, not me, really. :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I think you have a ding in your door, sir. :'''Batman''': He trashed my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! ''<big><big>'''SCREAM MY NAME!!'''</big></big>'' :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten. Now I will break you. ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew. :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have vanished]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys. Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family. We're actors, remember? You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention. :'''Baby-Doll''': But I knows now I made a boo-boo. It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains. Hugs, hugs. :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': Wow, lady. You're good. :'''Mariam''': It's a living. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me. :'''Batman''': Don't run away. I know you're scared, confused - I can help you. :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman. ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair. ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look. That's me in there. The ''real'' me. There I am. But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to. ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy. I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please. :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man. But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late. ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look. :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' <big><big>'''IT'S IMPOSSIBLE, I TELL YOU!! IMPOSSIBLE!! MY TRAP WAS PERFECT!! HOW DID HE DO IT?! I HAVE TO KNOW!! SOMEBODY TELL ME!! IT'S NOT FAIR!! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU!! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT!! SOMEBODY TELL ME!! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT!! I HAVE TO KNOW!!'''</big></big> '''''<big><big>I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!</big></big>''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': You've made wonderful progress, Harley. You've passed your competency hearing, and tomorrow, you will be released, mentally sane and sound. :'''Harley''': Wheee! Wahoo! Whoopee! Yay! Yay! Yay! Uh... I mean thank you, Dr. Leland. :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': That's ok. You have every reason to be proud of yourself. :'''Scarecrow''': ''[offscreen]'' Unhand me! :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': I just wish the other inmates could make your sort of progress. :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[To Harley]'' I hear you're getting out tomorrow. :'''Harley''': You got a problem with that? :''[Harley gasps as Batman holds out his hand to her]'' :'''Batman''': Congratulations. :'''Harley''': Yeah, so I made a few mistakes. ''[shakes Batman's hand]'' I've got my head back together, and I'm gonna live my life right. :'''Batman''': For your sake, I hope so. :'''Harley''': I'll show you. Starting tomorrow, you'll see I'm just as sane as anybody. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKIS! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision. ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way and they don't let little things like the law stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend. :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell. What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do. I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too. :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order. For your select few. :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish. :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll hate you for that. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, turns back to Nora]'' Forgive me. ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :''[after Batgirl defeated Joker, Penguin and Two-Face, she races over to Batman and helps him up]]'' :'''Batman''': ''[groans]'' Batgirl. :'''Batgirl''': Are you all right? :'''Batman''': Yes. Thanks to you. :''[Batman holds Batgirl close to him, and just as they were about to kiss, Dick's voice comes out of Batman's mouth]'' :'''Dick''': Barbara! Hey, Babs! ''[Barbara wakes up from her dream]'' Yo, bookworm! You up there? :'''Barbara''': What is it, Dick? :'''Dick''': All work and no play, you know. Come on, let's do a pizza run. :'''Barbara''': ''[sheepishly]'' Love to, but I can't. If I don't ace these midterms, dad says he'll throw me in jail. And with my dad, that's no idle threat. :'''Dick''': Okay. Catch you later. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Barbara''': ''[sighs sadly]'' Math? Why did it have to be math? :''[Barbara notices a Gotham Times newspaper slide under her door. She picks it up and looks at the front page with the article headed "PRICLESS STATUETTE STOLEN IN UNIVERSITY ROBBERY"]'' :'''Barbara''': Hmmm. Maybe I should take a break. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': ''[catches Catwoman while she was examining the Jade Cat Statue display case]'' Catwoman, I presume. :''[Catwoman turns and sees Batgirl behind her. After a pause, Catwoman swipe kicks Batgirl off her feet, but she somersaults to her feet. Catwoman goes to attack her with her whip and Batgirl cuts the whip with her Batarang]'' :'''Catwoman''': Well, well. ''[throws her cut whip aside]'' Look what the Bat dragged in. :'''Batgirl''': Give up. I caught you. :'''Catwoman''': Caught me? At what? :'''Batgirl''': Returning to the scene of your crime. :'''Catwoman''': Look... Batgirl, is it? I'm just trying to find out who took the Jade Cat statue. It's an art treasure. It belongs to the world. :'''Batgirl''': ''[sarcastically]'' Right. Pull the other one. :'''Catwoman''': [indicating the display case] Look. :'''Batgirl''': Huh? ''[examines the melted alarm cord]'' Looks like the alarm cord was eaten through with acid, like the locks on the skylight. So? :'''Catwoman''': That's not my style. No finesse. ''[unsheathes her claws and cuts a glass circle out of the glass and shows it to Batgirl]'' See? :'''Batgirl''': Okay. If you're innocent, come down to police headquarters with me and tell them your story. :'''Catwoman''': That's also not my style. :'''Batgirl''': One way or another, you're coming with me. :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Got the note I see. :'''Batgirl''': If this is a trick, Catwoman... :'''Catwoman''': No trick. I just wanted to tell you how impressed I was with you last night. You're smart, and you're fast. I thought maybe you'd like to work together. After all, against the two of us, whoever took the Jade Cat doesn't stand a chance. :'''Batgirl''': Okay. On one condition: if you're lying to me and I find out, you'll give yourself up. :'''Catwoman''': Deal :''[Batgirl and Catwoman shake hands]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batgirl and Catwoman look down at the Stacked Deck from atop a building]'' :'''Batgirl''': The Stacked Deck? That's the sleaziest dive in Gotham City. :'''Catwoman''': Exactly. The only place to find information on the Jade Cat job. You're not afraid, are you? :'''Batgirl''': N-no. Of course not. Let's go. :'''Catwoman''': The mouse has guts. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Officer #1''': ''[while pursuing Batgirl and Catwoman on a motorbike]'' This is unit 7 in pursuit of Catwoman and Batgirl. :'''Batgirl''': Oh, daddy, if you could see your little girl now. :''[Catwoman and Batgirl head toward an incomplete section of the bridge]'' :'''Catwoman''': Hang on! :'''Batgirl''': I am! :''[Catwoman and Batgirl leap over the gap and land on the other side]'' :'''Batgirl''': You could've gotten us killed. :'''Catwoman''': But I didn't. :'''Batgirl''': All that, and we didn't even get the information we were looking for. :'''Catwoman''': Sure we did. You saw the way the chemist freaked when he recognized that acid. I'm willing to bet only one guy in Gotham makes it. An old friend of mine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batgirl''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batgirl stops Catwoman escaping with the Jade Cat Statue by throwing a bolas around her ankles]'' :'''Batgirl''': You were going to keep that statue all along, weren't you? :'''Catwoman''': ''[while untying her ankles]'' Of course. Haven't you learn yet that only the strong survive in this game? ''[Catwoman unties the bola from her ankles and tosses it to Batgirl, who pockets it in her belt]'' Okay, I admit it. I was just playing with you at first. But you really impressed me. We make a good team. Together, we can pick this town clean, even Batman wouldn't be a match for us and the cops are a joke especially that senile fool, Gordon. :'''Batgirl''': We had a deal, remember? You lost. ''[Batgirl grabs Catwoman's arm]'' Give yourself up now. :''[Catwoman raises her left claw to strike Batgirl, when two police officers climb up on a ladder]'' :'''Officer #1''': Freeze! :'''Catwoman''': Okay, you win. ''[The officers handcuff Catwoman]'' And by the way, Batgirl's innocent. She was acting under coercion. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman is placed in the back with a squad car]'' :'''Catwoman''': You should've said yes. :'''Batgirl''': If I had, I'd be a rat with wings. :'''Robin''': I knew you had Catwoman on a leash all along. :'''Batgirl''': You're a lousy liar, but thanks for trying. :''[Just then, the two officers are thrown out of their squad car. Robin and Batgirl race over to them]'' :'''Robin''': Are you guys all right? :'''Officer #2''': Yeah. :''[The officer finds his holster empty, and the squad car stops with Catwoman at the wheel]'' :'''Catwoman''': ''[drops the gun out the passenger side door]'' I said I'd let them take me, but I didn't say how far. :''[Catwoman closes the door and drives off in the squad car. Robin races after her, but Batgirl grabs his cape and stops him]'' :''[Last lines of the series]'' :'''Batgirl''': It's okay. There'll be another time. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] 1urrr0oirnmruwa36rietw4x7fznd1t 3949320 3949312 2026-06-05T20:49:56Z Thewordguy1984 504288 /* Bane [2.10] */ I added the quote of the scene of Bane killed Killer Croc in the sewer and damaged Batmobile. 3949320 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[Spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': You diseased maniac! I'll- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': Help! Somebody please help us- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long]'' :'''Dr. Long''': Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night, I AM '''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Justice WILL be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a smile? ''[He tosses a razor card at Batman. Batman dodges it.]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week. :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[collapses]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman. A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course. Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers. The blood of those flowers are on his hands. So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. Lovely fragrance, don't you think? I call it "Rose From the Dead". ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have. You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children. :'''Batman''': "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes. I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade. And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner. :'''Detective Bullock''': Yeah, yeah. :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? :'''Detective Bullock''': I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear. ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': Son of a gun. :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[on TV, reporting about the Mayor's missing son]'' The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right. Come on in. I've been thinking about a protege. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman? :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko. :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. I should know. :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it a finale! ''[throws down the axe and discards his Jekko the Clown mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! <hr width="50%"/> ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis. ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps. He sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''...with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom. :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom, Honest. :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it. Let the egg hunt begin. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do. ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello. :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': My God. :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength. ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[to Boyle]'' Good night, humanitarian. ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from all sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really? :'''Bruce''': And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid. :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do horror pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne! Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle. ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see it's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[He destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a man. ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host asks for audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible ''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No, I mean, that's just not so. :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Clayface starts smashing the control panels, yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy. It looks just like Bruce Wayne. :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? Too bad I won't get to read the notices. ''[faints]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy. Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. [He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket]'' This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody". ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with...'''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[gives his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who hides behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': ''[gets into the car]'' Drive! :'''Detective Bullock''': Croc? How did you- :'''Killer Croc''': Escape? Simple. The guards don't think about the sewers. No one does, except me. :'''Detective Bullock''': It was you who set me up for Spyder and Joey. :'''Killer Croc''': You got it. I want you to sweat it out of the cell for while like I did. ''[threatening to touch Bullock]'' To know what it feels like the way I do. ''[Batman surprisingly stops him]'' Huh? You? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Give it up, Croc! I know everything now. You plant that toothpick on the dock, didn't you? And you impersonated Bullock at the jail. :'''Killer Croc''': Yeah. And it would have gone down smooth if you had buttered in. But, hey, I'm adaptable! When you grow up looking like I do. You gotta learn to go with a flow. I'll just take care of you first, then Bullock. ''[wheels the pipe on Batman]'' :'''Batman''': Ah! ''[Thud to the sewage water]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[comes out]'' See, this ain't no batcave; you're on my turf now. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo." Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk. :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long. At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out. :''(Fugate laughs as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': And the convictions of a fanatic. :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? [Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula] This spray is triple-strength, Batman. It will start the transformation without any preliminaries. [Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands] He should be sprouting leaves by now. :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem. Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker. :''[The Joker enters, laughing ]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis. Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''. :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course. This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design. So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony. ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better. :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle. So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face. [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches. :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law. :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya? Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves laughing, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye. :'''Francis''': He's crazy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me. :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'. :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him. :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million. :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million. :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown. :'''Joker''': Which one? :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath. I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685. ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd. I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England. :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you rich? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate. :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that. :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this. :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back. :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard. :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it. I was just sitting here. :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting. :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer. We're on the air. :'''Summer Gleeson''': ' Oh Uh... there you have it. Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please. Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie. We checked the shoreline for miles. But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our mutual adversary suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look. :'''Alfred''': DMV. :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles. :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up. :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir. It does make "cents" when you add it up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online. I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware, you would have discovered a cordless modem line. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and the Riddler clash in the virtual world, each splitting into many duplicates of himself]'' :'''Riddler''': Nice try, Batman, but in my world, you play by my rules. :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself. :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler". Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore. You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer. That was a private matter and was meant to remain one. :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma! Just as I'm about to delete ''you,'' Batman! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': We can keep this up as long as you can! Any number you can think of, we can double! :''[Batman remerges back into one]'' :'''Batman''': Tell me, Riddler - how can you split your focus in thirty-two directions, ''and'' sustain the consciousness needed to keep your world together? You ''can't!'' :'''Riddler''': No... ''NO!'' :''[The virtual world starts to collapse]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman and Robin rescue Gordon from the game]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[still inside]'' I can escape that easily too! But then, if the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job! ''[the screen flickers]'' No! No, not yet! NO! ''[screams]'' :'''Robin''': Looked like he suffered some kind of attack, like a sensory overload or something... :'''Gordon''': But we'll never know for sure, cause we'll never find him. :'''Batman''': Oh, no? Come on. I think he left us a clue... "If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. :''[Batman, Robin and Gordon find the Riddler, shuddering and irresponsive]'' :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be. And how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy...don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE and slap him in that box THERE and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese? ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake. I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale. :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"? ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers. Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me. Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl. You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life? ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do. ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population. ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillian "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': It's your last hunt, Bats, and now you're the prey. ''[Threatens Batman to kill him with a pitch fork]'' Hahahahahaha... :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': ''[Holds Croc on his leg]'' Croc, no! Don't do this! :'''May & June''': You can't! It's not right. :'''Killer Croc''': I can and I will! ''[Continues to threat Batman]'' :'''Goliath''': ''[Grabs a pitch fork from him]'' No killing! ''[Breaks a pitch fork in half]'' :'''Killer Croc''': (to Goliath) Why, you dirty? ''[Jumps on Goliath]'' Stay out of this! This is between me and the bat. :'''May & June''': ''[Goes near the cage]'' But, you can't kill him. He's still a human being. :'''Killer Croc''': (to May & June) Who are you calling human? :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': ''[Glitches his outfit]'' Oh, Croc. :'''Richard III''': ''[Picks up the broken pitch fork stick]'' Alas! I fear that the chameleon has shown his true colors! I think you should to leave, my friend, we had enough of these shenanigans. :'''Killer Croc''': (looks at Batman and to Billy) ''[Attempts to use the 3 bat-smokes out of bat utility belt]'' Well, kid, looks like we gotta had to postpone a little swim. :'''Batman''': WATCH OUT! :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': ''[Killer Croc stuns them with a bat smoke]'' Hey! ''[They coughs and lies down to the ground]'' :'''Killer Croc''': (to Batman) The bigger they are, eh, Bats? ''[Batman looks at him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts. :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs. :'''Batman''': Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio. ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly and Batman stops it]'' :'''Harley''': Oops. :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. :'''Harley''': Okay. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately, I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys. We're blowing town. Literally. :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people. :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline. [laughs] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie. It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip. :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and- :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets. :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': I'll buy you a goldfish. Let's go. :'''Harley''': No! :'''Joker''': Why, you little- <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts. Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest. ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor. Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me. :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding. ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it? :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': Can it, sister. This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you. :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat.]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you. Scarface, he's another person, not me, really. :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Come on out, Bats, the water's fine. :'''Bane''': ''[Budges in the wall]'' He is mine to destroy, monster! :'''Killer Croc''': Over my dead body. :'''Bane''': As you wish. [Pushes the button to activate his strength and beat up Killer Croc]'' :'''Robin''': ''[Batman & Robin gets into the sewer]'' That's Croc! :'''Killer Croc''': Ooaugh. ''[Out cold and floats in]'' :'''Robin''': Somebody's helpin' us out. Somebody's tough. ''[They gets Killer Croc out of the sewer and bringing him with them]'' Could be a crime fighter, you know? Somebody trying to be like us to help us clean up Gotham. What do you think, Batman? ''[Batman gasps]'' What? :'''Batman''': ''[They surprisingly seeing Batmobile has been damaged in smoke]'' I think you're right about one thing, Robin. Whoever did this was tough, this was done with barehands. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I think you have a ding in your door, sir. :'''Batman''': He trashed my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! ''<big><big>'''SCREAM MY NAME!!'''</big></big>'' :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten. Now I will break you. ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew. :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have vanished]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys. Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family. We're actors, remember? You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention. :'''Baby-Doll''': But I knows now I made a boo-boo. It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains. Hugs, hugs. :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': Wow, lady. You're good. :'''Mariam''': It's a living. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me. :'''Batman''': Don't run away. I know you're scared, confused - I can help you. :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman. ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair. ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look. That's me in there. The ''real'' me. There I am. But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to. ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy. I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please. :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man. But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late. ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look. :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' <big><big>'''IT'S IMPOSSIBLE, I TELL YOU!! IMPOSSIBLE!! MY TRAP WAS PERFECT!! HOW DID HE DO IT?! I HAVE TO KNOW!! SOMEBODY TELL ME!! IT'S NOT FAIR!! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU!! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT!! SOMEBODY TELL ME!! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT!! I HAVE TO KNOW!!'''</big></big> '''''<big><big>I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!</big></big>''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': You've made wonderful progress, Harley. You've passed your competency hearing, and tomorrow, you will be released, mentally sane and sound. :'''Harley''': Wheee! Wahoo! Whoopee! Yay! Yay! Yay! Uh... I mean thank you, Dr. Leland. :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': That's ok. You have every reason to be proud of yourself. :'''Scarecrow''': ''[offscreen]'' Unhand me! :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': I just wish the other inmates could make your sort of progress. :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[To Harley]'' I hear you're getting out tomorrow. :'''Harley''': You got a problem with that? :''[Harley gasps as Batman holds out his hand to her]'' :'''Batman''': Congratulations. :'''Harley''': Yeah, so I made a few mistakes. ''[shakes Batman's hand]'' I've got my head back together, and I'm gonna live my life right. :'''Batman''': For your sake, I hope so. :'''Harley''': I'll show you. Starting tomorrow, you'll see I'm just as sane as anybody. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKIS! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision. ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way and they don't let little things like the law stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend. :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell. What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do. I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too. :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order. For your select few. :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish. :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll hate you for that. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, turns back to Nora]'' Forgive me. ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :''[after Batgirl defeated Joker, Penguin and Two-Face, she races over to Batman and helps him up]]'' :'''Batman''': ''[groans]'' Batgirl. :'''Batgirl''': Are you all right? :'''Batman''': Yes. Thanks to you. :''[Batman holds Batgirl close to him, and just as they were about to kiss, Dick's voice comes out of Batman's mouth]'' :'''Dick''': Barbara! Hey, Babs! ''[Barbara wakes up from her dream]'' Yo, bookworm! You up there? :'''Barbara''': What is it, Dick? :'''Dick''': All work and no play, you know. Come on, let's do a pizza run. :'''Barbara''': ''[sheepishly]'' Love to, but I can't. If I don't ace these midterms, dad says he'll throw me in jail. And with my dad, that's no idle threat. :'''Dick''': Okay. Catch you later. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Barbara''': ''[sighs sadly]'' Math? Why did it have to be math? :''[Barbara notices a Gotham Times newspaper slide under her door. She picks it up and looks at the front page with the article headed "PRICLESS STATUETTE STOLEN IN UNIVERSITY ROBBERY"]'' :'''Barbara''': Hmmm. Maybe I should take a break. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': ''[catches Catwoman while she was examining the Jade Cat Statue display case]'' Catwoman, I presume. :''[Catwoman turns and sees Batgirl behind her. After a pause, Catwoman swipe kicks Batgirl off her feet, but she somersaults to her feet. Catwoman goes to attack her with her whip and Batgirl cuts the whip with her Batarang]'' :'''Catwoman''': Well, well. ''[throws her cut whip aside]'' Look what the Bat dragged in. :'''Batgirl''': Give up. I caught you. :'''Catwoman''': Caught me? At what? :'''Batgirl''': Returning to the scene of your crime. :'''Catwoman''': Look... Batgirl, is it? I'm just trying to find out who took the Jade Cat statue. It's an art treasure. It belongs to the world. :'''Batgirl''': ''[sarcastically]'' Right. Pull the other one. :'''Catwoman''': [indicating the display case] Look. :'''Batgirl''': Huh? ''[examines the melted alarm cord]'' Looks like the alarm cord was eaten through with acid, like the locks on the skylight. So? :'''Catwoman''': That's not my style. No finesse. ''[unsheathes her claws and cuts a glass circle out of the glass and shows it to Batgirl]'' See? :'''Batgirl''': Okay. If you're innocent, come down to police headquarters with me and tell them your story. :'''Catwoman''': That's also not my style. :'''Batgirl''': One way or another, you're coming with me. :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Got the note I see. :'''Batgirl''': If this is a trick, Catwoman... :'''Catwoman''': No trick. I just wanted to tell you how impressed I was with you last night. You're smart, and you're fast. I thought maybe you'd like to work together. After all, against the two of us, whoever took the Jade Cat doesn't stand a chance. :'''Batgirl''': Okay. On one condition: if you're lying to me and I find out, you'll give yourself up. :'''Catwoman''': Deal :''[Batgirl and Catwoman shake hands]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batgirl and Catwoman look down at the Stacked Deck from atop a building]'' :'''Batgirl''': The Stacked Deck? That's the sleaziest dive in Gotham City. :'''Catwoman''': Exactly. The only place to find information on the Jade Cat job. You're not afraid, are you? :'''Batgirl''': N-no. Of course not. Let's go. :'''Catwoman''': The mouse has guts. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Officer #1''': ''[while pursuing Batgirl and Catwoman on a motorbike]'' This is unit 7 in pursuit of Catwoman and Batgirl. :'''Batgirl''': Oh, daddy, if you could see your little girl now. :''[Catwoman and Batgirl head toward an incomplete section of the bridge]'' :'''Catwoman''': Hang on! :'''Batgirl''': I am! :''[Catwoman and Batgirl leap over the gap and land on the other side]'' :'''Batgirl''': You could've gotten us killed. :'''Catwoman''': But I didn't. :'''Batgirl''': All that, and we didn't even get the information we were looking for. :'''Catwoman''': Sure we did. You saw the way the chemist freaked when he recognized that acid. I'm willing to bet only one guy in Gotham makes it. An old friend of mine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batgirl''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batgirl stops Catwoman escaping with the Jade Cat Statue by throwing a bolas around her ankles]'' :'''Batgirl''': You were going to keep that statue all along, weren't you? :'''Catwoman''': ''[while untying her ankles]'' Of course. Haven't you learn yet that only the strong survive in this game? ''[Catwoman unties the bola from her ankles and tosses it to Batgirl, who pockets it in her belt]'' Okay, I admit it. I was just playing with you at first. But you really impressed me. We make a good team. Together, we can pick this town clean, even Batman wouldn't be a match for us and the cops are a joke especially that senile fool, Gordon. :'''Batgirl''': We had a deal, remember? You lost. ''[Batgirl grabs Catwoman's arm]'' Give yourself up now. :''[Catwoman raises her left claw to strike Batgirl, when two police officers climb up on a ladder]'' :'''Officer #1''': Freeze! :'''Catwoman''': Okay, you win. ''[The officers handcuff Catwoman]'' And by the way, Batgirl's innocent. She was acting under coercion. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman is placed in the back with a squad car]'' :'''Catwoman''': You should've said yes. :'''Batgirl''': If I had, I'd be a rat with wings. :'''Robin''': I knew you had Catwoman on a leash all along. :'''Batgirl''': You're a lousy liar, but thanks for trying. :''[Just then, the two officers are thrown out of their squad car. Robin and Batgirl race over to them]'' :'''Robin''': Are you guys all right? :'''Officer #2''': Yeah. :''[The officer finds his holster empty, and the squad car stops with Catwoman at the wheel]'' :'''Catwoman''': ''[drops the gun out the passenger side door]'' I said I'd let them take me, but I didn't say how far. :''[Catwoman closes the door and drives off in the squad car. Robin races after her, but Batgirl grabs his cape and stops him]'' :''[Last lines of the series]'' :'''Batgirl''': It's okay. There'll be another time. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] 7wu6dlmxnuifr1ryuatvhzwijalip4l 3949321 3949320 2026-06-05T20:52:24Z Thewordguy1984 504288 /* Bane [2.10] */ 3949321 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[Spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': You diseased maniac! I'll- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': Help! Somebody please help us- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long]'' :'''Dr. Long''': Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night, I AM '''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Justice WILL be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a smile? ''[He tosses a razor card at Batman. Batman dodges it.]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week. :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[collapses]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman. A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course. Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers. The blood of those flowers are on his hands. So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. Lovely fragrance, don't you think? I call it "Rose From the Dead". ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have. You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children. :'''Batman''': "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes. I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade. And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner. :'''Detective Bullock''': Yeah, yeah. :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? :'''Detective Bullock''': I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear. ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': Son of a gun. :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[on TV, reporting about the Mayor's missing son]'' The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right. Come on in. I've been thinking about a protege. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman? :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko. :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. I should know. :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it a finale! ''[throws down the axe and discards his Jekko the Clown mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! <hr width="50%"/> ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis. ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps. He sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''...with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom. :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom, Honest. :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it. Let the egg hunt begin. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do. ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello. :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': My God. :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength. ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[to Boyle]'' Good night, humanitarian. ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from all sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really? :'''Bruce''': And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid. :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do horror pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne! Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle. ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see it's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[He destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a man. ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host asks for audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible ''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No, I mean, that's just not so. :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Clayface starts smashing the control panels, yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy. It looks just like Bruce Wayne. :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? Too bad I won't get to read the notices. ''[faints]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy. Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. [He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket]'' This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody". ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with...'''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[gives his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who hides behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': ''[gets into the car]'' Drive! :'''Detective Bullock''': Croc? How did you- :'''Killer Croc''': Escape? Simple. The guards don't think about the sewers. No one does, except me. :'''Detective Bullock''': It was you who set me up for Spyder and Joey. :'''Killer Croc''': You got it. I want you to sweat it out of the cell for while like I did. ''[threatening to touch Bullock]'' To know what it feels like the way I do. ''[Batman surprisingly stops him]'' Huh? You? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Give it up, Croc! I know everything now. You plant that toothpick on the dock, didn't you? And you impersonated Bullock at the jail. :'''Killer Croc''': Yeah. And it would have gone down smooth if you had buttered in. But, hey, I'm adaptable! When you grow up looking like I do. You gotta learn to go with a flow. I'll just take care of you first, then Bullock. ''[wheels the pipe on Batman]'' :'''Batman''': Ah! ''[Thud to the sewage water]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[comes out]'' See, this ain't no batcave; you're on my turf now. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo." Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk. :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long. At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out. :''(Fugate laughs as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': And the convictions of a fanatic. :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? [Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula] This spray is triple-strength, Batman. It will start the transformation without any preliminaries. [Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands] He should be sprouting leaves by now. :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem. Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker. :''[The Joker enters, laughing ]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis. Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''. :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course. This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design. So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony. ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better. :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle. So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face. [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches. :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law. :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya? Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves laughing, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye. :'''Francis''': He's crazy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me. :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'. :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him. :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million. :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million. :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown. :'''Joker''': Which one? :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath. I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685. ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd. I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England. :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you rich? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate. :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that. :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this. :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back. :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard. :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it. I was just sitting here. :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting. :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer. We're on the air. :'''Summer Gleeson''': ' Oh Uh... there you have it. Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please. Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie. We checked the shoreline for miles. But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our mutual adversary suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look. :'''Alfred''': DMV. :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles. :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up. :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir. It does make "cents" when you add it up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online. I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware, you would have discovered a cordless modem line. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and the Riddler clash in the virtual world, each splitting into many duplicates of himself]'' :'''Riddler''': Nice try, Batman, but in my world, you play by my rules. :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself. :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler". Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore. You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer. That was a private matter and was meant to remain one. :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma! Just as I'm about to delete ''you,'' Batman! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': We can keep this up as long as you can! Any number you can think of, we can double! :''[Batman remerges back into one]'' :'''Batman''': Tell me, Riddler - how can you split your focus in thirty-two directions, ''and'' sustain the consciousness needed to keep your world together? You ''can't!'' :'''Riddler''': No... ''NO!'' :''[The virtual world starts to collapse]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman and Robin rescue Gordon from the game]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[still inside]'' I can escape that easily too! But then, if the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job! ''[the screen flickers]'' No! No, not yet! NO! ''[screams]'' :'''Robin''': Looked like he suffered some kind of attack, like a sensory overload or something... :'''Gordon''': But we'll never know for sure, cause we'll never find him. :'''Batman''': Oh, no? Come on. I think he left us a clue... "If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. :''[Batman, Robin and Gordon find the Riddler, shuddering and irresponsive]'' :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be. And how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy...don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE and slap him in that box THERE and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese? ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake. I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale. :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"? ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers. Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me. Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl. You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life? ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do. ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population. ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillian "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': It's your last hunt, Bats, and now you're the prey. ''[Threatens Batman to kill him with a pitch fork]'' Hahahahahaha... :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': ''[Holds Croc on his leg]'' Croc, no! Don't do this! :'''May & June''': You can't! It's not right. :'''Killer Croc''': I can and I will! ''[Continues to threat Batman]'' :'''Goliath''': ''[Grabs a pitch fork from him]'' No killing! ''[Breaks a pitch fork in half]'' :'''Killer Croc''': (to Goliath) Why, you dirty? ''[Jumps on Goliath]'' Stay out of this! This is between me and the bat. :'''May & June''': ''[Goes near the cage]'' But, you can't kill him. He's still a human being. :'''Killer Croc''': (to May & June) Who are you calling human? :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': ''[Glitches his outfit]'' Oh, Croc. :'''Richard III''': ''[Picks up the broken pitch fork stick]'' Alas! I fear that the chameleon has shown his true colors! I think you should to leave, my friend, we had enough of these shenanigans. :'''Killer Croc''': (looks at Batman and to Billy) ''[Attempts to use the 3 bat-smokes out of bat utility belt]'' Well, kid, looks like we gotta had to postpone a little swim. :'''Batman''': WATCH OUT! :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': ''[Killer Croc stuns them with a bat smoke]'' Hey! ''[They coughs and lies down to the ground]'' :'''Killer Croc''': (to Batman) The bigger they are, eh, Bats? ''[Batman looks at him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts. :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs. :'''Batman''': Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio. ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly and Batman stops it]'' :'''Harley''': Oops. :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. :'''Harley''': Okay. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately, I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys. We're blowing town. Literally. :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people. :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline. [laughs] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie. It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip. :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and- :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets. :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': I'll buy you a goldfish. Let's go. :'''Harley''': No! :'''Joker''': Why, you little- <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts. Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest. ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor. Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me. :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding. ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it? :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': Can it, sister. This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you. :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat.]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you. Scarface, he's another person, not me, really. :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Come on in, Bats, the water's fine. :'''Bane''': ''[Budges in the wall]'' He is mine to destroy, monster! :'''Killer Croc''': Over my dead body. :'''Bane''': As you wish. [Pushes the button to activate his strength and beat up Killer Croc]'' :'''Robin''': ''[Batman & Robin gets into the sewer]'' That's Croc! :'''Killer Croc''': Ooaugh. ''[Out cold and floats in]'' :'''Robin''': Somebody's helpin' us out. Somebody's tough. ''[They gets Killer Croc out of the sewer and bringing him with them]'' Could be a crime fighter, you know? Somebody trying to be like us to help us clean up Gotham. What do you think, Batman? ''[Batman gasps]'' What? :'''Batman''': ''[They surprisingly seeing Batmobile has been damaged in smoke]'' I think you're right about one thing, Robin. Whoever did this was tough, this was done with barehands. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I think you have a ding in your door, sir. :'''Batman''': He trashed my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! ''<big><big>'''SCREAM MY NAME!!'''</big></big>'' :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten. Now I will break you. ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew. :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have vanished]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys. Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family. We're actors, remember? You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention. :'''Baby-Doll''': But I knows now I made a boo-boo. It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains. Hugs, hugs. :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': Wow, lady. You're good. :'''Mariam''': It's a living. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me. :'''Batman''': Don't run away. I know you're scared, confused - I can help you. :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman. ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair. ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look. That's me in there. The ''real'' me. There I am. But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to. ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy. I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please. :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man. But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late. ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look. :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' <big><big>'''IT'S IMPOSSIBLE, I TELL YOU!! IMPOSSIBLE!! MY TRAP WAS PERFECT!! HOW DID HE DO IT?! I HAVE TO KNOW!! SOMEBODY TELL ME!! IT'S NOT FAIR!! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU!! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT!! SOMEBODY TELL ME!! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT!! I HAVE TO KNOW!!'''</big></big> '''''<big><big>I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!</big></big>''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': You've made wonderful progress, Harley. You've passed your competency hearing, and tomorrow, you will be released, mentally sane and sound. :'''Harley''': Wheee! Wahoo! Whoopee! Yay! Yay! Yay! Uh... I mean thank you, Dr. Leland. :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': That's ok. You have every reason to be proud of yourself. :'''Scarecrow''': ''[offscreen]'' Unhand me! :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': I just wish the other inmates could make your sort of progress. :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[To Harley]'' I hear you're getting out tomorrow. :'''Harley''': You got a problem with that? :''[Harley gasps as Batman holds out his hand to her]'' :'''Batman''': Congratulations. :'''Harley''': Yeah, so I made a few mistakes. ''[shakes Batman's hand]'' I've got my head back together, and I'm gonna live my life right. :'''Batman''': For your sake, I hope so. :'''Harley''': I'll show you. Starting tomorrow, you'll see I'm just as sane as anybody. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKIS! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision. ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way and they don't let little things like the law stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend. :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell. What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do. I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too. :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order. For your select few. :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish. :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll hate you for that. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, turns back to Nora]'' Forgive me. ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :''[after Batgirl defeated Joker, Penguin and Two-Face, she races over to Batman and helps him up]]'' :'''Batman''': ''[groans]'' Batgirl. :'''Batgirl''': Are you all right? :'''Batman''': Yes. Thanks to you. :''[Batman holds Batgirl close to him, and just as they were about to kiss, Dick's voice comes out of Batman's mouth]'' :'''Dick''': Barbara! Hey, Babs! ''[Barbara wakes up from her dream]'' Yo, bookworm! You up there? :'''Barbara''': What is it, Dick? :'''Dick''': All work and no play, you know. Come on, let's do a pizza run. :'''Barbara''': ''[sheepishly]'' Love to, but I can't. If I don't ace these midterms, dad says he'll throw me in jail. And with my dad, that's no idle threat. :'''Dick''': Okay. Catch you later. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Barbara''': ''[sighs sadly]'' Math? Why did it have to be math? :''[Barbara notices a Gotham Times newspaper slide under her door. She picks it up and looks at the front page with the article headed "PRICLESS STATUETTE STOLEN IN UNIVERSITY ROBBERY"]'' :'''Barbara''': Hmmm. Maybe I should take a break. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': ''[catches Catwoman while she was examining the Jade Cat Statue display case]'' Catwoman, I presume. :''[Catwoman turns and sees Batgirl behind her. After a pause, Catwoman swipe kicks Batgirl off her feet, but she somersaults to her feet. Catwoman goes to attack her with her whip and Batgirl cuts the whip with her Batarang]'' :'''Catwoman''': Well, well. ''[throws her cut whip aside]'' Look what the Bat dragged in. :'''Batgirl''': Give up. I caught you. :'''Catwoman''': Caught me? At what? :'''Batgirl''': Returning to the scene of your crime. :'''Catwoman''': Look... Batgirl, is it? I'm just trying to find out who took the Jade Cat statue. It's an art treasure. It belongs to the world. :'''Batgirl''': ''[sarcastically]'' Right. Pull the other one. :'''Catwoman''': [indicating the display case] Look. :'''Batgirl''': Huh? ''[examines the melted alarm cord]'' Looks like the alarm cord was eaten through with acid, like the locks on the skylight. So? :'''Catwoman''': That's not my style. No finesse. ''[unsheathes her claws and cuts a glass circle out of the glass and shows it to Batgirl]'' See? :'''Batgirl''': Okay. If you're innocent, come down to police headquarters with me and tell them your story. :'''Catwoman''': That's also not my style. :'''Batgirl''': One way or another, you're coming with me. :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Got the note I see. :'''Batgirl''': If this is a trick, Catwoman... :'''Catwoman''': No trick. I just wanted to tell you how impressed I was with you last night. You're smart, and you're fast. I thought maybe you'd like to work together. After all, against the two of us, whoever took the Jade Cat doesn't stand a chance. :'''Batgirl''': Okay. On one condition: if you're lying to me and I find out, you'll give yourself up. :'''Catwoman''': Deal :''[Batgirl and Catwoman shake hands]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batgirl and Catwoman look down at the Stacked Deck from atop a building]'' :'''Batgirl''': The Stacked Deck? That's the sleaziest dive in Gotham City. :'''Catwoman''': Exactly. The only place to find information on the Jade Cat job. You're not afraid, are you? :'''Batgirl''': N-no. Of course not. Let's go. :'''Catwoman''': The mouse has guts. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Officer #1''': ''[while pursuing Batgirl and Catwoman on a motorbike]'' This is unit 7 in pursuit of Catwoman and Batgirl. :'''Batgirl''': Oh, daddy, if you could see your little girl now. :''[Catwoman and Batgirl head toward an incomplete section of the bridge]'' :'''Catwoman''': Hang on! :'''Batgirl''': I am! :''[Catwoman and Batgirl leap over the gap and land on the other side]'' :'''Batgirl''': You could've gotten us killed. :'''Catwoman''': But I didn't. :'''Batgirl''': All that, and we didn't even get the information we were looking for. :'''Catwoman''': Sure we did. You saw the way the chemist freaked when he recognized that acid. I'm willing to bet only one guy in Gotham makes it. An old friend of mine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batgirl''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batgirl stops Catwoman escaping with the Jade Cat Statue by throwing a bolas around her ankles]'' :'''Batgirl''': You were going to keep that statue all along, weren't you? :'''Catwoman''': ''[while untying her ankles]'' Of course. Haven't you learn yet that only the strong survive in this game? ''[Catwoman unties the bola from her ankles and tosses it to Batgirl, who pockets it in her belt]'' Okay, I admit it. I was just playing with you at first. But you really impressed me. We make a good team. Together, we can pick this town clean, even Batman wouldn't be a match for us and the cops are a joke especially that senile fool, Gordon. :'''Batgirl''': We had a deal, remember? You lost. ''[Batgirl grabs Catwoman's arm]'' Give yourself up now. :''[Catwoman raises her left claw to strike Batgirl, when two police officers climb up on a ladder]'' :'''Officer #1''': Freeze! :'''Catwoman''': Okay, you win. ''[The officers handcuff Catwoman]'' And by the way, Batgirl's innocent. She was acting under coercion. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman is placed in the back with a squad car]'' :'''Catwoman''': You should've said yes. :'''Batgirl''': If I had, I'd be a rat with wings. :'''Robin''': I knew you had Catwoman on a leash all along. :'''Batgirl''': You're a lousy liar, but thanks for trying. :''[Just then, the two officers are thrown out of their squad car. Robin and Batgirl race over to them]'' :'''Robin''': Are you guys all right? :'''Officer #2''': Yeah. :''[The officer finds his holster empty, and the squad car stops with Catwoman at the wheel]'' :'''Catwoman''': ''[drops the gun out the passenger side door]'' I said I'd let them take me, but I didn't say how far. :''[Catwoman closes the door and drives off in the squad car. Robin races after her, but Batgirl grabs his cape and stops him]'' :''[Last lines of the series]'' :'''Batgirl''': It's okay. There'll be another time. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] 54m3d800i0pajbvbeq7z9lxvg0vz2dn 3949362 3949321 2026-06-06T00:21:58Z Thewordguy1984 504288 /* Lock-Up [2.17] */ 3949362 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[Spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': You diseased maniac! I'll- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': Help! Somebody please help us- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long]'' :'''Dr. Long''': Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night, I AM '''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Justice WILL be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a smile? ''[He tosses a razor card at Batman. Batman dodges it.]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week. :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[collapses]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman. A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course. Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers. The blood of those flowers are on his hands. So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. Lovely fragrance, don't you think? I call it "Rose From the Dead". ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have. You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children. :'''Batman''': "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes. I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade. And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner. :'''Detective Bullock''': Yeah, yeah. :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? :'''Detective Bullock''': I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear. ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': Son of a gun. :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[on TV, reporting about the Mayor's missing son]'' The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right. Come on in. I've been thinking about a protege. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman? :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko. :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. I should know. :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it a finale! ''[throws down the axe and discards his Jekko the Clown mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! <hr width="50%"/> ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis. ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps. He sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''...with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom. :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom, Honest. :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it. Let the egg hunt begin. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do. ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello. :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': My God. :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength. ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[to Boyle]'' Good night, humanitarian. ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from all sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really? :'''Bruce''': And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid. :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do horror pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne! Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle. ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see it's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[He destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a man. ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host asks for audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible ''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No, I mean, that's just not so. :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Clayface starts smashing the control panels, yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy. It looks just like Bruce Wayne. :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? Too bad I won't get to read the notices. ''[faints]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy. Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. [He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket]'' This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody". ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with...'''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[gives his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who hides behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': ''[gets into the car]'' Drive! :'''Detective Bullock''': Croc? How did you- :'''Killer Croc''': Escape? Simple. The guards don't think about the sewers. No one does, except me. :'''Detective Bullock''': It was you who set me up for Spyder and Joey. :'''Killer Croc''': You got it. I want you to sweat it out of the cell for while like I did. ''[threatening to touch Bullock]'' To know what it feels like the way I do. ''[Batman surprisingly stops him]'' Huh? You? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Give it up, Croc! I know everything now. You plant that toothpick on the dock, didn't you? And you impersonated Bullock at the jail. :'''Killer Croc''': Yeah. And it would have gone down smooth if you had buttered in. But, hey, I'm adaptable! When you grow up looking like I do. You gotta learn to go with a flow. I'll just take care of you first, then Bullock. ''[wheels the pipe on Batman]'' :'''Batman''': Ah! ''[Thud to the sewage water]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[comes out]'' See, this ain't no batcave; you're on my turf now. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo." Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk. :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long. At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out. :''(Fugate laughs as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': And the convictions of a fanatic. :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? [Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula] This spray is triple-strength, Batman. It will start the transformation without any preliminaries. [Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands] He should be sprouting leaves by now. :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem. Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker. :''[The Joker enters, laughing ]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis. Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''. :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course. This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design. So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony. ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better. :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle. So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face. [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches. :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law. :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya? Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves laughing, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye. :'''Francis''': He's crazy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me. :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'. :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him. :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million. :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million. :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown. :'''Joker''': Which one? :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath. I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685. ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd. I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England. :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you rich? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate. :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that. :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this. :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back. :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard. :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it. I was just sitting here. :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting. :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer. We're on the air. :'''Summer Gleeson''': ' Oh Uh... there you have it. Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please. Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie. We checked the shoreline for miles. But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our mutual adversary suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look. :'''Alfred''': DMV. :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles. :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up. :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir. It does make "cents" when you add it up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online. I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware, you would have discovered a cordless modem line. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and the Riddler clash in the virtual world, each splitting into many duplicates of himself]'' :'''Riddler''': Nice try, Batman, but in my world, you play by my rules. :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself. :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler". Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore. You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer. That was a private matter and was meant to remain one. :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma! Just as I'm about to delete ''you,'' Batman! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': We can keep this up as long as you can! Any number you can think of, we can double! :''[Batman remerges back into one]'' :'''Batman''': Tell me, Riddler - how can you split your focus in thirty-two directions, ''and'' sustain the consciousness needed to keep your world together? You ''can't!'' :'''Riddler''': No... ''NO!'' :''[The virtual world starts to collapse]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman and Robin rescue Gordon from the game]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[still inside]'' I can escape that easily too! But then, if the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job! ''[the screen flickers]'' No! No, not yet! NO! ''[screams]'' :'''Robin''': Looked like he suffered some kind of attack, like a sensory overload or something... :'''Gordon''': But we'll never know for sure, cause we'll never find him. :'''Batman''': Oh, no? Come on. I think he left us a clue... "If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. :''[Batman, Robin and Gordon find the Riddler, shuddering and irresponsive]'' :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be. And how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy...don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE and slap him in that box THERE and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese? ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake. I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale. :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"? ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers. Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me. Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl. You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life? ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do. ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population. ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillian "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': It's your last hunt, Bats, and now you're the prey. ''[Threatens Batman to kill him with a pitch fork]'' Hahahahahaha... :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': ''[Holds Croc on his leg]'' Croc, no! Don't do this! :'''May & June''': You can't! It's not right. :'''Killer Croc''': I can and I will! ''[Continues to threat Batman]'' :'''Goliath''': ''[Grabs a pitch fork from him]'' No killing! ''[Breaks a pitch fork in half]'' :'''Killer Croc''': (to Goliath) Why, you dirty? ''[Jumps on Goliath]'' Stay out of this! This is between me and the bat. :'''May & June''': ''[Goes near the cage]'' But, you can't kill him. He's still a human being. :'''Killer Croc''': (to May & June) Who are you calling human? :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': ''[Glitches his outfit]'' Oh, Croc. :'''Richard III''': ''[Picks up the broken pitch fork stick]'' Alas! I fear that the chameleon has shown his true colors! I think you should to leave, my friend, we had enough of these shenanigans. :'''Killer Croc''': (looks at Batman and to Billy) ''[Attempts to use the 3 bat-smokes out of bat utility belt]'' Well, kid, looks like we gotta had to postpone a little swim. :'''Batman''': WATCH OUT! :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': ''[Killer Croc stuns them with a bat smoke]'' Hey! ''[They coughs and lies down to the ground]'' :'''Killer Croc''': (to Batman) The bigger they are, eh, Bats? ''[Batman looks at him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts. :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs. :'''Batman''': Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio. ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly and Batman stops it]'' :'''Harley''': Oops. :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. :'''Harley''': Okay. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately, I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys. We're blowing town. Literally. :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people. :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline. [laughs] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie. It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip. :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and- :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets. :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': I'll buy you a goldfish. Let's go. :'''Harley''': No! :'''Joker''': Why, you little- <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts. Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest. ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor. Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me. :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding. ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it? :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': Can it, sister. This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you. :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat.]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you. Scarface, he's another person, not me, really. :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Come on in, Bats, the water's fine. :'''Bane''': ''[Budges in the wall]'' He is mine to destroy, monster! :'''Killer Croc''': Over my dead body. :'''Bane''': As you wish. [Pushes the button to activate his strength and beat up Killer Croc]'' :'''Robin''': ''[Batman & Robin gets into the sewer]'' That's Croc! :'''Killer Croc''': Ooaugh. ''[Out cold and floats in]'' :'''Robin''': Somebody's helpin' us out. Somebody's tough. ''[They gets Killer Croc out of the sewer and bringing him with them]'' Could be a crime fighter, you know? Somebody trying to be like us to help us clean up Gotham. What do you think, Batman? ''[Batman gasps]'' What? :'''Batman''': ''[They surprisingly seeing Batmobile has been damaged in smoke]'' I think you're right about one thing, Robin. Whoever did this was tough, this was done with barehands. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I think you have a ding in your door, sir. :'''Batman''': He trashed my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! ''<big><big>'''SCREAM MY NAME!!'''</big></big>'' :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten. Now I will break you. ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew. :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have vanished]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys. Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family. We're actors, remember? You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention. :'''Baby-Doll''': But I knows now I made a boo-boo. It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains. Hugs, hugs. :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': Wow, lady. You're good. :'''Mariam''': It's a living. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me. :'''Batman''': Don't run away. I know you're scared, confused - I can help you. :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman. ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair. ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look. That's me in there. The ''real'' me. There I am. But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to. ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy. I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please. :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man. But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late. ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look. :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' <big><big>'''IT'S IMPOSSIBLE, I TELL YOU!! IMPOSSIBLE!! MY TRAP WAS PERFECT!! HOW DID HE DO IT?! I HAVE TO KNOW!! SOMEBODY TELL ME!! IT'S NOT FAIR!! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU!! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT!! SOMEBODY TELL ME!! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT!! I HAVE TO KNOW!!'''</big></big> '''''<big><big>I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!</big></big>''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': You've made wonderful progress, Harley. You've passed your competency hearing, and tomorrow, you will be released, mentally sane and sound. :'''Harley''': Wheee! Wahoo! Whoopee! Yay! Yay! Yay! Uh... I mean thank you, Dr. Leland. :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': That's ok. You have every reason to be proud of yourself. :'''Scarecrow''': ''[offscreen]'' Unhand me! :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': I just wish the other inmates could make your sort of progress. :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[To Harley]'' I hear you're getting out tomorrow. :'''Harley''': You got a problem with that? :''[Harley gasps as Batman holds out his hand to her]'' :'''Batman''': Congratulations. :'''Harley''': Yeah, so I made a few mistakes. ''[shakes Batman's hand]'' I've got my head back together, and I'm gonna live my life right. :'''Batman''': For your sake, I hope so. :'''Harley''': I'll show you. Starting tomorrow, you'll see I'm just as sane as anybody. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKIS! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!''' You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision. ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way and they don't let little things like the law stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend. :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell. What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do. I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too. :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order. For your select few. :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish. :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll hate you for that. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, turns back to Nora]'' Forgive me. ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :''[after Batgirl defeated Joker, Penguin and Two-Face, she races over to Batman and helps him up]]'' :'''Batman''': ''[groans]'' Batgirl. :'''Batgirl''': Are you all right? :'''Batman''': Yes. Thanks to you. :''[Batman holds Batgirl close to him, and just as they were about to kiss, Dick's voice comes out of Batman's mouth]'' :'''Dick''': Barbara! Hey, Babs! ''[Barbara wakes up from her dream]'' Yo, bookworm! You up there? :'''Barbara''': What is it, Dick? :'''Dick''': All work and no play, you know. Come on, let's do a pizza run. :'''Barbara''': ''[sheepishly]'' Love to, but I can't. If I don't ace these midterms, dad says he'll throw me in jail. And with my dad, that's no idle threat. :'''Dick''': Okay. Catch you later. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Barbara''': ''[sighs sadly]'' Math? Why did it have to be math? :''[Barbara notices a Gotham Times newspaper slide under her door. She picks it up and looks at the front page with the article headed "PRICLESS STATUETTE STOLEN IN UNIVERSITY ROBBERY"]'' :'''Barbara''': Hmmm. Maybe I should take a break. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': ''[catches Catwoman while she was examining the Jade Cat Statue display case]'' Catwoman, I presume. :''[Catwoman turns and sees Batgirl behind her. After a pause, Catwoman swipe kicks Batgirl off her feet, but she somersaults to her feet. Catwoman goes to attack her with her whip and Batgirl cuts the whip with her Batarang]'' :'''Catwoman''': Well, well. ''[throws her cut whip aside]'' Look what the Bat dragged in. :'''Batgirl''': Give up. I caught you. :'''Catwoman''': Caught me? At what? :'''Batgirl''': Returning to the scene of your crime. :'''Catwoman''': Look... Batgirl, is it? I'm just trying to find out who took the Jade Cat statue. It's an art treasure. It belongs to the world. :'''Batgirl''': ''[sarcastically]'' Right. Pull the other one. :'''Catwoman''': [indicating the display case] Look. :'''Batgirl''': Huh? ''[examines the melted alarm cord]'' Looks like the alarm cord was eaten through with acid, like the locks on the skylight. So? :'''Catwoman''': That's not my style. No finesse. ''[unsheathes her claws and cuts a glass circle out of the glass and shows it to Batgirl]'' See? :'''Batgirl''': Okay. If you're innocent, come down to police headquarters with me and tell them your story. :'''Catwoman''': That's also not my style. :'''Batgirl''': One way or another, you're coming with me. :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Got the note I see. :'''Batgirl''': If this is a trick, Catwoman... :'''Catwoman''': No trick. I just wanted to tell you how impressed I was with you last night. You're smart, and you're fast. I thought maybe you'd like to work together. After all, against the two of us, whoever took the Jade Cat doesn't stand a chance. :'''Batgirl''': Okay. On one condition: if you're lying to me and I find out, you'll give yourself up. :'''Catwoman''': Deal :''[Batgirl and Catwoman shake hands]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batgirl and Catwoman look down at the Stacked Deck from atop a building]'' :'''Batgirl''': The Stacked Deck? That's the sleaziest dive in Gotham City. :'''Catwoman''': Exactly. The only place to find information on the Jade Cat job. You're not afraid, are you? :'''Batgirl''': N-no. Of course not. Let's go. :'''Catwoman''': The mouse has guts. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Officer #1''': ''[while pursuing Batgirl and Catwoman on a motorbike]'' This is unit 7 in pursuit of Catwoman and Batgirl. :'''Batgirl''': Oh, daddy, if you could see your little girl now. :''[Catwoman and Batgirl head toward an incomplete section of the bridge]'' :'''Catwoman''': Hang on! :'''Batgirl''': I am! :''[Catwoman and Batgirl leap over the gap and land on the other side]'' :'''Batgirl''': You could've gotten us killed. :'''Catwoman''': But I didn't. :'''Batgirl''': All that, and we didn't even get the information we were looking for. :'''Catwoman''': Sure we did. You saw the way the chemist freaked when he recognized that acid. I'm willing to bet only one guy in Gotham makes it. An old friend of mine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batgirl''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batgirl stops Catwoman escaping with the Jade Cat Statue by throwing a bolas around her ankles]'' :'''Batgirl''': You were going to keep that statue all along, weren't you? :'''Catwoman''': ''[while untying her ankles]'' Of course. Haven't you learn yet that only the strong survive in this game? ''[Catwoman unties the bola from her ankles and tosses it to Batgirl, who pockets it in her belt]'' Okay, I admit it. I was just playing with you at first. But you really impressed me. We make a good team. Together, we can pick this town clean, even Batman wouldn't be a match for us and the cops are a joke especially that senile fool, Gordon. :'''Batgirl''': We had a deal, remember? You lost. ''[Batgirl grabs Catwoman's arm]'' Give yourself up now. :''[Catwoman raises her left claw to strike Batgirl, when two police officers climb up on a ladder]'' :'''Officer #1''': Freeze! :'''Catwoman''': Okay, you win. ''[The officers handcuff Catwoman]'' And by the way, Batgirl's innocent. She was acting under coercion. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman is placed in the back with a squad car]'' :'''Catwoman''': You should've said yes. :'''Batgirl''': If I had, I'd be a rat with wings. :'''Robin''': I knew you had Catwoman on a leash all along. :'''Batgirl''': You're a lousy liar, but thanks for trying. :''[Just then, the two officers are thrown out of their squad car. Robin and Batgirl race over to them]'' :'''Robin''': Are you guys all right? :'''Officer #2''': Yeah. :''[The officer finds his holster empty, and the squad car stops with Catwoman at the wheel]'' :'''Catwoman''': ''[drops the gun out the passenger side door]'' I said I'd let them take me, but I didn't say how far. :''[Catwoman closes the door and drives off in the squad car. Robin races after her, but Batgirl grabs his cape and stops him]'' :''[Last lines of the series]'' :'''Batgirl''': It's okay. There'll be another time. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] 9zep69pam3o3tuuekevs6xt5aonyaw9 0 25807 3949485 3933880 2026-06-06T08:10:58Z Ficaia 3085955 /* The United States and the Commonwealth Fight Japan */ 3949485 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:World War II|World War II]]''' ('''WWII''' or '''WW2'''), also known as the '''Second World War''', was a [[w:World war|global war]] that lasted from 1939 to 1945 It involved [[w:World War II by country|the vast majority of the world's countries]]—including all the [[w:great power|great power]]s—forming two opposing [[w:military alliance|military alliance]]s: the [[w:Allies of World War II|Allies]] and the [[w:Axis powers|Axis]]. In a state of [[w:total war|total war]], directly involving more than 100&nbsp;million [[w:Military personnel|personnel]] from more than 30 countries, the major participants threw their entire economic, industrial, and scientific capabilities behind the [[w:war effort|war effort]], blurring the distinction between civilian and military resources. World War&nbsp;II was the [[w:List of wars by death toll|deadliest conflict]] in human history, resulting in [[w:World War II casualties|70 to 85 million fatalities]], with more civilians than military personnel killed. Tens of millions of people died due to [[w:genocide|genocide]]s (including [[the Holocaust]]), premeditated death from [[w:starvation|starvation]], [[w:massacre|massacre]]s, and disease. [[w:Air warfare of World War II|Aircraft played a major role]] in the conflict, including in [[w:strategic bombing|strategic bombing]] of population centres, and the only uses of [[w:nuclear weapon|nuclear weapon]]s in war. ==Origins of the War== ===1933=== *''Du bist nichts; dein Volk ist alles''. ** You are nothing; your people is everything. ** [[Adolf Hitler]], in ''Reden, Schriften, Anordnungen: Februar 1925 bis Januar 1933'', p. 403 <!-- Translated in Ernest F. Griffith (ed.) ''Fascism in Action'' (Washington, D.C.: U.S. Gov. Printing Office, 1947) p. 24 --> ===1936=== * '''It is us today. It will be you tomorrow.''' ** [[Haile Selassie I]] after the end of the [[w:Second Italo-Abyssinian War|Second Italo-Abyssinian War]], as quoted in [https://web.archive.org/web/20090615032515/http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,917777,00.html?iid=chix-sphere "The Lion is Freed"], ''TIME'' magazine (8 September 1975) ===1938=== * More and more we felt that only a resolution of the European situation could save [[Spain]], if Spain was to be saved. The [[Léon Blum|Blum]] Government, at least, had recognized the importance of Spain to French security. The [[Édouard Daladier|Daladier]] outfit was hand in glove, not only with its own brand of [[Fascism|Fascists]], but with the foreign gang as well. (Class is thicker than nationality.) "Why doesn't France do something?" became a cliché. "Don't they see that if Hitler and his little pal take over Spain, France will be strangled on three fronts?" Well, either they didn't see it or they didn't care, which was more likely. The French people were with us heart and soul; they had given thousands of their best sons, millions of their money; the French people's rulers were against us. They bore no ill-will toward the Fascists; they ''were'' Fascist. ** [[Alvah Bessie]], ''Men in Battle: A Story of Americans in Spain'' (1939), p. 180 * Men went to Spain for various reasons, but behind almost every man I met there was a common restlessness, a loneliness. In action these men would fight like devils, with the desperation of an iron-bound conscience; in private conversation there was something else again. ** [[Alvah Bessie]], ''Men in Battle: A Story of Americans in Spain'' (1939), p. 181-182 * Hitler and Mussolini never could afford to withdraw their 'volunteers'- ten times as many as we had- and it could no longer be denied that the British Government was a silent partner in the Fascist Powers' attempts to strangle Spain; that we were witnessing one of the most amazing and cynical displays of hypocrisy in world history. ** [[Alvah Bessie]], ''Men in Battle: A Story of Americans in Spain'' (1939), p. 192-193 * They had started at twenty thousand feet, mixed it up till you couldn't tell what they were doing, and the scream of their propellors as they dived sounded in our ears as though they were directly overhead. Three went down in flames, one after the other, with two parachutes blooming suddenly like spring flowers in the air, and floating slowly down. You could see the men hauling on the shrouds to guide the chutes, swinging wildly from side to side like pendulums as their own planes, Fascists, dived at them and tried to machine-gun them. "The bastards!" Aaron said. "Look at them, the sons-of-bitches!" Two of our planes spiralled slowly around the descending pilots to protect them. "This is one hell of a war," Aaron said. ** [[Alvah Bessie]], ''Men in Battle: A Story of American in Spain'' (1939), p. 269 * Fog meant no airplanes, so we could relax. Yesterday they had been active all day, bombing Pinell behind us, Corbera and the road to Gandesa on our right, Mora and our lines of communication. We could see them from the hilltop, cruising slowly in formidable array and with damnable slowness over the terrain, sowing their seed up and down, back and forth over large square areas, and for hours the air was full of smoke and dust and trembling with the constant drumming of the explosive. Our 'pom-pom' guns sniped at them pitiably. This is a long, light anti-aircraft gun that was fairly effective, but we had s few that they paid no attention to them. Seventy-five planes merely sailed with exasperating ease through their sparse fire; then when ten of ours appeared they had to run a gauntlet of fire that blackened the sky for hundreds of acres. It was heart-breaking, and you could thank France for that; you could thank England and its Non-Intervention Committee; you could thank Italy and Germany, and last but not least you could thank the good old U.S.A. and its 'Neutrality' Act, that permitted the sale of American-made munitions to Italy and Germany for transhipment to Franco. ** [[Alvah Bessie]], ''Men in Battle: A Story of American in Spain'' (1939), p. 282-283 * The news from Europe was worse than ever, with England and France agreeing to the dismemberment of Czechoslovakia and presenting a 'plan' of compromise to her. This plan was cynical in the extreme: it involved outright cession of the Sudeten areas; the autonomy of other regions containing a large German population; the 'neutralization' of Czechoslovakia in the event of a major conflict between other powers, and the usual 'guarantees' of her frontiers by England, France, Germany and Italy. The murderers were guaranteeing to respect the corpse! These terms, we believed, the present Czech Government would never accept. It had an army second to none. Its people had tasted years of true democracy. It had a munitions industry that any one could well have envied (many did). And so we expected that France would respect her previous commitments, that popular indignation in both France and England would bring about the fall of their respective cabinets. We were wrong. ** [[Alvah Bessie]], ''Men in Battle: A Story of Americans in Spain'' (1939), p. 336-337 * Thus, by every device from the stick to the carrot, the emaciated Austrian donkey is made to pull the [[Nazism|Nazi]] barrow up an ever-steepening hill. ** [[Winston Churchill]], "The Rape of Austria," letter (July 6, 1938), in Churchill, ''Step by Step, 1936–1939'' (1939), p. 262. This volume is a compilation of the fortnightly letters he wrote from 1936–1939, mainly on foreign policy and defense. * Many soldiers went beyond rape to disembowel women, slice off their breasts, nail them alive to walls. Fathers were forced to rape their daughters, and sons their mothers, as other family members watched. Not only did live burials, castration, the carving of organs and the roasting of people become routine, but more diabolical tortures were practiced, such as hanging people by their tongues on iron hooks or burying people to their waists and watching them torn apart by German shepherds. So sickening was the spectacle that even Nazis in the city were horrified. ** [[w:Iris Chang|Iris Chang]], [[w:The Rape of Nanking (book)|''The Rape of Nanking'']] (1997), reviewed by Orville Schell, [https://www.nytimes.com/books/97/12/14/reviews/971214.14schellt.html "Bearing Witnes"], in ''The New York Times'' (December 14, 1997) * Peace in our time. ** [[Neville Chamberlain]], Speech at Heston Airport (30 September, 1938), [http://news.bbc.co.uk/onthisday/hi/dates/stories/september/30/newsid_3115000/3115476.stm 1938: "Peace for our time"], part of the BBC "On this day" series * I believe there is sincerity and good will on both sides. My main purpose has been to work for the pacification of Europe.... The question of Czechoslovakia is the latest and perhaps the most dangerous [problem]. Now that we have got past it I feel that it may be possible to make further progress along the road to sanity. ** Neville Chamberlain, defending his actions — including giving German-speaking areas of Czechoslovakia to Germany — at the Munich Conference (October 3, 1938); ''The New York Times'', vol. 88, no. 29473 (October 4, 1938), p. 14 * How horrible, fantastic, incredible it is that we should be digging [[w:Trench warfare|trenches]] and trying on [[w:Gas masks|gas masks]] here because of a quarrel in a far-away country between people of whom we know nothing. It seems still more impossible that a quarrel which has already been settled in principle should be the subject of war. ** Neville Chamberlain, national broadcast, [[London]] (September 27, 1938); in Chamberlain, ''In Search of Peace'' (1939), p. 174. He was prime minister at the time. * Many people, no doubt, honestly believe that they are only giving away the interests of Czechoslovakia, whereas I fear we shall find that we have deeply compromised, and perhaps fatally endangered, the safety and even the independence of Great Britain and France.... <br>I foresee and foretell that the policy of submission will carry with it restrictions upon the freedom of speech and debate in Parliament, on public platforms, and discussions in the Press. ** [[Winston Churchill]], speech in [[Parliament of the United Kingdom|Parliament]] attacking Prime Minister Chamberlain's policy of appeasing Hitler. Randolph S. Churchill (ed.) ''Into Battle'' (1941), p. 50 * What a shambles! If only our enemies knew what a mess we have made of it! [[w:Edvard Beneš|Beneš]] was a fool not to fight! ** [[w:Walter von Reichenau|Walter von Reichenau]] on October 3, 1938, in the Park Hotel in Karlsbad after the annexation of the Sudetenland territory of Czechoslovakia into Germany. As quoted by Leonard Mosley in ''On Borrowed Time: How World War II Began'' (1964), p. 78 ===1939=== * The frontier of America is on the [[Rhine]]. ** Attributed to [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]], by a member or members of the Senate Committee on Military Affairs, meeting in executive session at the [[w:White House|White House]] (January 31, 1939); in Whitney H. Shepardson and William O. Scroggs, ''The United States in World Affairs'' (1940), p. 104. Reports of this remark caused an outcry by American isolationists and in the German press, while they gave courage to the British and French. Roosevelt vehemently denied the remark, calling it a "deliberate lie" at his press conference on February 3. ''The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1939'' (1941), p. 113. Representative John A. Martin referred to this in remarks in the House during a discussion of building military airplanes: "A controversy has been raging over an alleged private remark of the President that the frontier of America is on the Rhine. Whether he said it or not, the frontier of America has been on the Rhine, and beyond. An American Army has trod the soil of Germany. The American frontier has been on the coasts of Europe, of Africa, and of Asia, when those coasts were vastly more distant from ours than they are today". ''Congressional Record'' (February 14, 1939), vol. 84, p. 1394. * It is untrue that I, or anybody else in Germany, wanted war in 1939. It was wanted and provoked exclusively by those international politicians who either came of Jewish stock, or worked for Jewish interests ... he summoned the elite of the German nation ‘to merciless opposition to the world-poisoner of all peoples. International Jewry.’ **Adolf Hitler, The Last Days of Hitler by H. R. Trevor-Roper, London, 1950, *Some recent work by [[Enrico Fermi|E. Fermi]] and [[Leó Szilárd|L. Szilard]]... leads me to expect that the element [[w:Uranium|uranium]] may be turned to a new and important source of energy in the immediate future. Certain aspects of the situation call for watchfulness and, if necessary, quick action on the part of the administration.....<br>In the course of the last four months it has been made... possible to set up a [[w:Nuclear chain reaction|nuclear chain reaction]] in a large mass of uranium, by which vast amounts of power... would be generated. Now it appears almost certain that this could be achieved in the immediate future.<br>This new phenomenon would also lead to the construction of bombs, and it is conceivable — though much less certain — that extremely powerful bombs of a new type may thus be constructed. A single bomb of this type, carried by boat and exploded in a port, might very well destroy the whole port together with some of the surrounding territory. However, such bombs might very well prove too heavy for transportation by air...<br>In view of this situation you may think it desirable to have some permanent contact maintained between the administration and the group of physicists working on chain reactions in America. **Letter dated August 2 (one month before the start of World War II) from physicist Albert Einstein to President Roosevelt, warning him of the danger that Nazi Germany could develop an atomic bomb. This led to two later developments: <br>(1) Roosevelt’s efforts to aid all countries at war with Nazi Germany, to help them defeat Germany before it could develop an atomic bomb, and <br>(2) the top-secret "Manhattan Project" in which the government did in fact work together with "the group of physicists working on chain reactions in America" to develop an atomic bomb. * There is a hush over all Europe, nay, over all the world…. Alas! it is the hush of suspense, and in many lands it is the hush of fear. Listen! No, listen carefully, I think I hear something—yes, there it was quite clear. Don't you hear it? It is the tramp of armies crunching the gravel of the paradegrounds, splashing through rain-soaked fields, the tramp of two million German soldiers and more than a million Italians—"going on maneuvers"—yes, only on maneuvers! ** [[Winston Churchill]], "A Hush over Europe", broadcast to the United States from London (August 8, 1939), in Robert Rhodes James, ed., ''Winston S. Churchill: His Complete Speeches, 1897–1963'' (1974), vol. 6, p. 6150. ==Start of the War== ===1939=== [[File:The British Army in France 1940 F2441.jpg|thumb|right|Now that we have resolved to finish it, I know that you will all play your part with calmness and courage. ~ [[Neville Chamberlain]]]] * I am speaking to you from the cabinet room of [[w:10 Downing Street|10 Downing Street]]. This morning the British Ambassador in [[Berlin]] handed the German Government a final note, stating that, unless we heard from them by 11 o'clock that they were prepared at once to withdraw their troops from [[Poland]], a state of war would exist between us. I have to tell you now that no such undertaking has been received and that consequently this country is at war with Germany. ** [[Neville Chamberlain]], Broadcast from the Cabinet Rooms at 10 Downing Street (3 September 1939) * His actions shows convincingly that there is no chance of expecting that this man will ever give up his practice of using force to gain his will. He can only be stopped by force. And we and France, are today, in fulfillment of our obligations, going to the aid of Poland who is so bravely resisting this wicked and unprovoked attack upon her people. ** Neville Chamberlain, Broadcast from the Cabinet Rooms at 10 Downing Street (3 September 1939) * The situation in which no word given by Germany's ruler could be trusted, and no people or country could feel itself safe, has become intolerable. Now that we have resolved to finish it, I know that you will all play your part with calmness and courage. ** Neville Chamberlain, Broadcast from the Cabinet Rooms at 10 Downing Street (3 September 1939) * Now may God bless you all, and may he defend the right. For it is evil things that we will be fighting against—brute force, bad faith, injustice, oppression and persecution—and against them I am certain that the right will prevail. ** Neville Chamberlain, Broadcast from the Cabinet Rooms at 10 Downing Street (3 September 1939) === 1940 === * The gratitude of every home in our Island, in our Empire, and indeed throughout the world, except in the abodes of the guilty, goes out to the British airmen who, undaunted by odds, unwearied in their constant challenge and mortal danger, are turning the tide of the World War by their prowess and by their devotion. Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few. ** [[Winston Churchill]], speech during the [[w:Battle of Britain|Battle of Britain]], [[w:House of Commons of the United Kingdom|House of Commons]] (August 20, 1940), in Robert Rhodes James, ed., ''Winston S. Churchill: His Complete Speeches, 1897–1963'' (1974), vol. 6, p. 6266. * '''We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this Island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old."''' ** [[Winston Churchill]], Speech in the House of Commons (4 June 1940); It has been noted that the most famous passage, beginning "We shall fight on the beaches" and ending "we shall never surrender," consists entirely of words derived from [[w:Old English|Old English]] (Anglo-Saxon), except for the word "[[wikt:surrender|surrender]]" — which is derived from [[w:Old French|Old French]]. * I have, myself, full confidence that if all do their duty, if nothing is neglected, and if the best arrangements are made, as they are being made, we shall prove ourselves once again able to defend our island home, to ride out the storm of war, and to outlive the menace of tyranny, if necessary for years, if necessary alone. * What [[w:Maxime Weygand|General Weygand]] called the [[w:Battle of France|Battle of France]] is over. I expect that the Battle of Britain is about to begin. Upon this battle depends the survival of Christian civilization. Upon it depends our own British life, and the long continuity of our institutions and our Empire. The whole fury and might of the enemy must very soon be turned on us. Hitler knows that he will have to break us in this Island or lose the war. If we can stand up to him, all Europe may be free and the life of the world may move forward into broad, sunlit uplands. But if we fail, then the whole world, including the United States, including all that we have known and cared for, will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age made more sinister, and perhaps more protracted, by the lights of perverted science. Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves that, if the [[British Empire]] and its [[w:Commonwealth of Nations|Commonwealth]] last for a thousand years, men will still say, "This was their finest hour." ** [[Winston Churchill]], Speech in the House of Commons (June 18, 1940) <!-- Robert Rhodes James, ed., ''Winston S. Churchill: His Complete Speeches, 1897–1963'' (1974), vol. 6, p. 6238 --> * France has lost a battle, but France has not lost the war. ** Leader of the Free French [[Charles de Gaulle]], in the [[w:Appeal of 18 June|Appeal of 18 June]] * I followed the German Army into Paris that June... and on June 19 got wind of where Hitler was going to lay down his terms for the armistice.... It was to be on the same spot where the German Empire had capitulated to France and her allies on November 11, 1918: in the little clearing in the woods of Compiègne. There the Nazi warlord would get his revenge.... Late on the afternoon of June 19 I drove out there and found German Army engineers... pulling the [railroad] car [where the war ended in 1918] out to the tracks in the center of the clearing on the exact spot, they said, where it had stood at 5 A.M. on November, 1918, when at the dictation of [[Ferdinand Foch|[French Marshal Ferdinand] Foch]] the German emissaries put their signatures to the armistice.<br>And so was that on the afternoon of June 21 I stood by the edge of the forest at Compiègne to observe the latest and greatest of Hitler’s triumphs....<br>I look at the expression in Hitler’s face. I am but fifty yards from him and see him through my glasses as though he were directly in front of me. I have seen that face many times at the great moments of his life. But today! It is afire with scorn, anger, hate, revenge, triumph. ** American war correspondent [[William L. Shirer]], in his ''The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich'' (1960). * Hitler is striking with all the terrible force at his command. His is a desperate gamble, and the stakes are nothing less than domination of the whole human race.<br>If Hitler wins in Europe — the strength of the British and French armies and navies is forever broken — the United States will find itself alone in a barbaric world — a world ruled by Nazis, with ‘spheres of influence’ assigned to their totalitarian allies. However different the dictatorships may be, racially, they all agree on one primary objective: ‘Democracy must be wiped from the face of the earth.’...<br>There is nothing shameful in our desire to stay out of war, to save our youth from the dive bombers and the flame throwing tanks in the unutterable hell of modern warfare.<br>But is there not an evidence of suicidal insanity in our failure to help those who now stand between us and the creators of this hell? ** Newspaper advertisement from the Committee to Defend America, whose ideas were identical with those of President Roosevelt. ''The New York Times'' (June 10, 1940) p. 36L * All aid to the Allies short of war. ** President Roosevelt's redefinition of neutrality. Burton K. Wheeler, extension of remarks (June 7, 1940) printed in the ''Appendix to the Congressional Record: 76th Congress, 3rd Session'', vol. 86, pt. 16 (June 6, 1940 – August 6, 1940) p. 3677 * We must be the great arsenal of democracy. ** President Roosevelt, on the need to provide weapons to the British after the Germans defeated France in May-June 1940. ''The New York Times'' (Dec. 30, 1940) p. 6L * First they were too cowardly to take part. Now they are in a hurry so they can share the spoils. ** Hitler, on the Italian declaration of war on France and Great Britain, June 10, 1940. [[Martin Gilbert]], ''The Second World War: A Complete History'' (2004) p. 90 * On this tenth day of June 1940, the hand that held the dagger, has struck it into the back of its neighbor. ** Franklin Roosevelt, on the Italian decleration of war on France and Britain, June 10, 1940. Martin Gilbert, ''The Second World War'' (2004) p. 90 * I have said this before, but I shall say it again and again: your boys are not going to be sent into any foreign wars. ** Statement by President Roosevelt during his re-election campaign. ''The New York Times'' (Oct. 31, 1940) p. 14L+ * The butchering may continue as it will, it shall remain the historical guilt of the Western powers that they did not promptly provide the sharpest preventative measures against the continued attack-politics Germany undertook. Possibilities existed for this, but no measures were seized upon. ** [[Friedrich Kellner]], German Chief Justice Inspector, diary entry of May 29, 1940.{{fix cite}} * I am American bred, </br> I have seen much to hate here—much to forgive, </br> But in a world where England is finished and dead, </br> I do not wish to live. ** [[Alice Duer Miller]], ''The White Cliffs'' (New York, 1940), last lines ===1941=== * Give us the tools, and we will finish the job. ** [[Winston Churchill]], radio broadcast, London (February 9, 1941), in Robert Rhodes James, ed., ''Winston S. Churchill: His Complete Speeches, 1897–1963'' (1974), vol. 6, p. 6350 * Our spirit of enjoyment was stronger than our spirit of sacrifice. We wanted to have more than we wanted to give. We tried to spare effort, and met disaster. ** [[Philippe Pétain]]. Attributed to him in a caption, which said, "Frenchmen … heard Marshal Pétain pronounce this requiem over a lost France". The caption accompanies an article, "Danger: Men Not at Work!" by Hatton W. Summers, ''Nation's Business'' (May 1941), p. 15 * The Lend-Lease policy, translated into legislative form, stunned a [[United States Congress|Congress]] and a nation wholly sympathetic to Great Britain. The [[Wilhelm II, German Emperor|Kaiser’s]] blank check to [[w:Austria-Hungary|Austria-Hungary]] in the First World War was a piker compared to the Roosevelt blank check of World War II. It warranted my worst fears for the future of America, and it definitely stamps the president as war-minded....<br>Never before have the American people been asked or compelled to give... so completely of their tax dollars to any foreign nation. Never before has the Congress of the United States been asked by any President to violate international law. Never before has this nation resorted to duplicity in the conduct of its foreign affairs. Never before has the United States given to one man the power to strip this nation of its defenses....<br>Approval of this legislation means war, open and complete warfare. I, therefore, ask the American people before they supinely accept it — Was the last World War worthwhile?<br>If it were, then we should lend and lease war materials. If it were, then we should lend and lease American boys. President Roosevelt has said we would be repaid by England. We will be.... Our boys will be returned — returned in caskets, maybe; returned with bodies maimed; returned with minds warped and twisted by sights of horrors and the scream and shriek of high-powered shells. ** U.S. Senator [[Burton K. Wheeler]], of Montana, opposing the [[w:Lend-Lease Act|Lend-Lease Act]]. ''Congressional Record: 77th Congress'', vol. 87, pt. 10, appx. (Jan. 21, 1941) pp. a178–a179 * I know I will be severely criticized by the interventionists in America when I say we should not enter a war unless we have a reasonable chance of winning.... We are no better prepared today than France was when the interventionists persuaded her to attack the [[w:Siegfried Line|Siegfried Line]]....<br>It is not only our right but it is our obligation as American citizens to look at this war objectively and to weigh our chances for success if we should enter it. I have attempted to do this, especially from the standpoint of aviation; and I have been forced to the conclusion that we cannot win this war for England, regardless of how much assistance we extend. ** [[Charles Lindbergh|Charles A. Lindbergh]], opposing Lend-Lease. ''Congressional Record: 77th Congress'', vol. 87, pt. 11, appx. (May 7, 1941) p. a2153 *Joint declaration of the President of United States and the Prime Minister, Mr. Churchill, representing His Majesty’s government in the United Kingdom....<br>First, their countries seek no aggrandizement, territorial or other.<br>Second, they desire to see no territorial changes that do not accord with the freely expressed wishes of the peoples concerned.<br>Third, they respect the rights of all peoples to choose the form of government under which they will live.<br>Fourth, they will endeavor, with due respect for their existing obligations, to further the enjoyment of all states, great or small, victor or vanquished, of access, on equal terms, to the trade and to the raw materials of the world.<br>Fifth, they desire to bring about the fullest collaboration between all nations in the economic field....<br>Sixth, after the final destruction of Nazi Germany, they hope to see established a peace which will afford to all nations the means of dwelling in safety within their own boundaries....<br>Seventh, such a peace should enable all men to traverse the high seas and oceans without hindrance.<br>Eighth, they believe that all of the nations of the world, for realistic as well as spiritual reasons, must come to the abandonment of the use of force.... They believe, pending the establishment of a wider and permanent system of general security, that the disarmament of such nations is essential.” ** [[w:Atlantic Charter|Atlantic Charter]], written by President Roosevelt and Prime Minister Churchill, meeting on two warships off Newfoundland in August 1941 * When I warned them [the French] that Britain would fight on alone whatever they did, their generals told their Prime Minister and his divided Cabinet, "In three weeks England will have her neck wrung like a chicken." Some chicken! Some neck! ** [[Winston Churchill]], speech to a joint session of the [[w:Parliament of Canada|Canadian Parliament]], [[w:Ottawa|Ottawa]], [[Canada]] (December 30, 1941), in Robert Rhodes James (ed.) ''Winston S. Churchill: His Complete Speeches, 1897–1963'' (1974), vol. 6, p. 6544 ==The Blitz== ===1941=== * Some of us remember [[w:The Blitz|the Blitz]] and the burning,<br/>The black-faced force in the red and the blue,<br/>[[w:St Paul's Cathedral|St Paul's]] in peril and the Hun returning,<br/>The tanks all dry and the night half through. ** British writer [[A. P. Herbert]], from a "Seeing it Through" poster by Eric Kennington (1944). The "black-faced force" was the London Fire Brigade. == The Eastern Front == === 1941 === * We have only to kick in the door and the whole rotten structure will come crashing down. ** Adolf Hitler, in conversation with Jodl, on the [[w:Operation Barbarossa|proposed invasion]] of the [[Soviet Union]]. [[Chester Wilmot]], ''The Struggle for Europe'' (New York: Harper & Bros, 1952) p. 72 * There is no doubt that the absence of a second front in Europe considerably relieves the position of the German Army, nor can there be any doubt that the appearance of a second front on the Continent of Europe—and undoubtedly this will appear in the near future—will essentially relieve the position of our armies to the detriment of the German Army. ** [[Joseph Stalin]], radio address from Moscow, Nov. 6, 1941. ''Vital Speeches of the Day'' (Dec. 1, 1941) p. 102 * Comrades, [[w:Red Army|Red Army]] and [[w:Red Navy|Red Navy]] men, commanders and political instructors, men and women guerrillas! The whole world is looking to you as a force capable of destroying the brigand hordes of German invaders. The enslaved peoples of Europe under the yoke of the German invaders are looking to you as their liberators. A great mission of liberation has fallen to your lot. Be worthy of this mission! The war you are waging is a war of liberation, a just war. ** [[Joseph Stalin]], Speech, Nov. 7, 1941. Franklin Watts (ed.) ''Voices of History: Great Speeches and Papers of the Year 1941'' (New York, 1942) pp. 481–2 * Regarding the conduct of troops towards the [[Bolsheviks|Bolshevistic]] system, vague ideas are still prevalent in many cases. The most essential aim of war against the [[w:Judeo-Bolshevism|Jewish-Bolshevistic]] system is a complete destruction of their means of power and the elimination of Asiatic influence from the European culture. In this connection the troops are facing tasks that exceed the one-sided routine of soldiering. The soldier in the Eastern territories is not merely a fighter according to the rules of the art of war but also a bearer of ruthless national ideology and the avenger of bestialities which have been inflicted upon German and racially related nations. Therefore, the soldier must have full understanding for the necessity of a severe but just revenge on subhuman Jewry. The Army has to aim at another purpose, i.e., the annihilation of revolts in the hinterland, which, as experience proves, have always been caused by Jews. ** [[Walter von Reichenau]], "Orders for Conduct in the East", issued Oct. 10, 1941. ''U.S. Office of Chief of Counsel for the Prosecution of Axis Criminality, Nazi Conspiracy and Aggression'' (Washington, D.C.: U.S. Government Princeton Office, 1946) vol. 8, pp. 585–87 ===1942=== [[File:Voennaia marka Ni shagu nazad!.jpg|thumb|{{center|1=Not a step back!}}]] * Ни шагу назад! / ''Ni shagu nazad!'' ** '''Not a step back!''' ** [[W:Order No. 227|Order No. 227]], issued by Joseph Stalin, July 1942 * What place does the possibility of a second front occupy in the Soviet estimates of the current situation? A most important place; one might say a place of first-rate importance. ** Joseph Stalin, letter to Henry C. Cassidy, representative of The [[w:Associated Press|Associated Press]] in Moscow, Oct. 4, 1942; in ''The New York Times'' (Oct. 5, 1942) p. 1 * The street is no longer measured by meters but by corpses ... [[w:Stalingrad|Stalingrad]] is no longer a town. By day it is an enormous cloud of burning, blinding smoke; it is a vast furnace lit by the reflection of the flames. And when night arrives, one of those scorching howling bleeding nights, the dogs plunge into the [[w:Volga River|Volga]] and swim desperately to gain the other bank. The nights of Stalingrad are a terror for them. Animals flee this hell; the hardest stones cannot bear it for long; only men endure. ** German officer on the [[W:Battle of Stalingrad|Battle of Stalingrad]], as quoted in [[Max Hastings]], ''Inferno: The World at War, 1939-1945'' (2012) ===1944=== * Two break-throughs, Comrade Stalin, two break-throughs. ** [[Konstantin Rokossovsky]], on the plan for [[w:Operation Bagration|Operation Bagration]].{{citation needed}} * There are two kinds of mines; one is the personnel mine and the other is the vehicular mine. When we come to a mine field our infantry attacks exactly as if it were not there. The losses we get from personnel mines we consider only equal to those we would have gotten from machine guns and artillery if the Germans had chosen to defend that particular area with strong bodies of troops instead of with mine fields. The attacking infantry does not set off the vehicular mines, so after they have penetrated to the far side of the field they form a bridgehead, after which the engineers come up and dig out channels through which our vehicles can go. ** Attributed to [[Georgy Zhukov|Georgy K. Zhukov]] in [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], ''Crusade in Europe'' (1948) pp. 467–68. Eisenhower added, "I had a vivid picture of what would happen to any American or British commander if he pursued such tactics, and I had an even more vivid picture of what the men in any one of our divisions would have had to say about the matter had we attempted to make such a practice a part of our tactical doctrine. Americans assess the cost of war in terms of human lives, the Russians in the over-all drain on the nation." == Japan Attacks Pearl Harbor (Dec. 7, 1941) == === 1927 === * In the future if we want to control [[China]], we must first crush the United States just as in the past we had to fight in the [[w:Russo-Japanese War|Russo-Japanese War]]. But in order to conquer China we must first conquer [[w:Manchuria|Manchuria]] and [[Mongolia]]. In order to conquer the world, we must first conquer China. If we succeed in conquering China the rest of the Asiatic countries and the South Sea countries will fear us and surrender to us. Then the world will realize that [[w:Eastern Asia|Eastern Asia]] is ours and will not dare to violate our rights. This is the plan left to us by [[w:Emperor Meiji|Emperor Meiji]], the success of which is essential to our national existence. ** [[w:Tanaka Memorial|Tanaka Memorial]] (July 27, 1927), the long-term strategic plan of Japanese Prime Minister [[Tanaka Giichi|Tanaka Gi-ichi]]. ''The Memorial of Premier Tanaka'' (NYC: World Peace Movement, [1941]) p. 4 === 1941 === * It has been 20 years since the Navy signed the humiliating [[w:Washington Naval Treaty|Washington Naval Treaty]]. During [that] time we have whetted our swords to stab [the] US. ** A Japanese officer. Cited in Daniel Marston (ed.) ''The Pacific War Companion'' (UK: Osprey, 2005) p. 39 *The Empire will...crush America, British, and Dutch strongholds in East Asia and the Western Pacific...and secure major resource areas and lines of communication in order to prepare a posture of long term self-sufficiency. All available methods will be exerted to lure out the main elements of the US fleet at an appropriate time to attack and destroy them. ** ''Tai Bei-Ei-Ran-Shou Senso Shumatsu Sokushin-ni Kansuru Fukuan'' (A Plan for Completion of the War Against the United States, Great Britain, the Netherlands, and Chiang Kai-Shek), action plan adopted at a meeting of the Japanese Imperial General Headquarters and the Cabinet (Nov. 1941). Daniel Marston (ed.) ''The Pacific War Companion'' (2005) p. 53 * ''Nii Taka Yama Nobore 1208.'' ** Execute the Hawaii operation on December 8 [Japanese time]. ** Message sent by Japanese Imperial Navy Headquarters to the carrier fleet approaching Pearl Harbor, Dec. 2, 1941. Daniel Marston (ed.) ''The Pacific War Companion'' (2005) p. 39 * '''''Tora! Tora! Tora!''''' ** Tiger! Tiger! Tiger! ** Signal at 0730 (local time), Dec. 7, 1941, from Commander Mitsuo Fuchida, leading the first wave of the attack, to the carrier fleet that his "tigers" succeeded in their surprise attack at Pearl Harbor. Daniel Marston (ed.) ''The Pacific War Companion'' (2005) p. 41 * '''Yesterday, December 7, 1941 — a date which will live in infamy — the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.'''<br>The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian Islands has caused severe damage to American naval and military forces. Very many American lives have been lost....<br>As commander in chief of the Army and Navy I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense.<br>Always we will remember the character of the onslaught against us. No matter how long it my take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people, in their righteous might, will win through to absolute victory. I believe I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost but will make very certain that this form of treachery shall never endanger us again....<br>With confidence in our armed forces — with the unbounded determination of our people — we will gain the inevitable triumph — so help us God.<br>I ask that the Congress declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by [[Japan]] on Sunday, December, a state of war has existed between the United States and the Japanese Empire. ** [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]], address to a joint session of Congress asking that a state of war be declared between the United States and Japan (December 8, 1941); in ''The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1941'' (1950) p. 514 * I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve. ** Attributed to Japanese admiral [[Isoroku Yamamoto]] in the motion picture ''[[Tora! Tora! Tora!]]'' (1970); Twentieth Century Fox, ''Tora, Tora, Tora; Dialogue and Cutting Continuity'' (1970) reel 18, p. 16. The screenplay was written by Gordon W. Prange, based on his unpublished material, and by Ladislas Farago, who had published ''The Broken Seal'' in 1967. The sentence is not in Farago's book, nor did it appear later in Prange's book, ''At Dawn We Slept'', published posthumously in 1981. No evidence exists that these words were Yamamoto's. However, in a letter to Ogata Taketora, dated Jan. 9, 1942, Yamamoto wrote, "A military man can scarcely pride himself on having 'smitten a sleeping enemy'; in fact, to have it pointed out is more a matter of shame". Hirosuki Asawa, ''The Reluctant Admiral'', trans. John Bester (1979) p. 285 * Both America and Britain...have aggravated the disturbances in East Asia...These two powers, inducing other countries to follow suit, increased military preparations on all sides of our Empire...They have obstructed by every means Our peaceful commerce, and finally resorted to a direct severance of economic relations...<br>Patiently We waited and long have We endured, in hope that Our Government might retrieve the situation in peace. But Our adversaries, showing not the least spirit of conciliation, have unduly delayed a settlement...Our Empire for its existence and self-defense has no other recourse but to appeal to arms and to crush every obstacle in its path. ** Japanese Emperor [[Hirohito]], stating Japan’s reasons for attacking the United States and Great Britain, Dec. 8, 1941. This is the translation introduced into evidence by the Prosecution at the Tokyo War Trial: Pritchard and Zaide, ''Transcript of the Proceedings'', 5 [PX 1240] pp. 10686–9 ==The Western Allies Fight Germany and Italy== ===1941=== * I don't see much future for the Americans&nbsp;... it's a decayed country. And they have their racial problem, and the problem of social inequalities&nbsp;... my feelings against Americanism are feelings of hatred and deep repugnance&nbsp;... everything about the behaviour of American society reveals that it's half Judaised, and the other half negrified. How can one expect a State like that to hold together? ** [[Adolf Hitler]], Statement in conversation, 7 January 1942, as quoted in ''Rise and Fall of the Third Reich'' by [[w:William L. Shirer|William L. Shirer]] p. 895, from transcripts published as ''Hitler's Secret Conversations, 1941–1944'' (1953). These should not be confused with later publications such as "Hitler's Secret Book" (1961) from transcripts of 1928, nor the widely known hoax of the ''[[w:Hitler Diaries|Hitler Diaries]]''. ===1942=== * The time has come when we must proceed with the business of carrying the war to the enemy, not permitting the greater portion of our armed forces and our valuable material to be immobilized within the continental United States. ** [[George C. Marshall]], Army chief of staff, as reported by the Washington, D.C., ''Times-Herald'' (March 3, 1942), p. 1. *Why am I fighting?<br>Not, certainly, ‘just because I was drafted’ — the cynical, easy retort of the half-believer. I was a draftee, yes — because circumstances prevented me from joining up when I should have liked. I envy and honor the boys who enlisted — the ones who, seeing their country’s need, acted upon it without waiting to be called — or compelled.<br>Not just because of Pearl Harbor. That’s an immediate reason, yes,... [b]ut Pearl Harbor, or some other harbor, would have come sooner or later; indeed, might have come too late....<br>Not to “force our ideas on the rest of the world”.... I am fighting for the right of peoples to say how they shall be governed. If they like our form of government, fine. If not, let them have another — but let the choice be theirs, not something handed down to them by a self-styled “Leader” — or a yoke laid on them by an invader....<br>For what, exactly, are we fighting?...<br>Well, it goes a long way back.<br>It goes back to the taproots of America. Back beyond the World War, with its simple slogan of fighting to make the world safe for democracy. Back beyond ‘98, when we fought to set Cuba free. Back beyond the [[American Civil War|Civil War]] when we fought to make and keep America a nation of freemen. Back beyond [[w:War of 1812|1812]], when our cry was freedom of the seas. Back even beyond the [[American Revolution|Revolution]] that saw our forefathers pledge ‘their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor’ that the colonies might be freed from the yoke of the Hanoverian king. Back to the [[w:English Bill of Rights|Bill of Rights]], back, back to the [[Magna Carta]] seven hundred years ago — that first great landmark of man’s history-long effort to be politically free.... Freedom of the individual to rule himself, to make his laws, to have his say in council, to set his course and follow his star!<br>Fine words you say; but what do they have to do with fighting a Germany whose chief concern was Europe, a Japan whose ambitions were — perhaps — only Oriental?<br>I say they have a lot to do with Japan and Germany.... Nazism dominant in Europe and Asia would result... In the emergence and ultimate dominance of the Nazi principle in American life.<br>Men (some, not all — but alas! Enough) would have looked at each other in confusion and alarm and doubt. They would have said, fearingly, ‘Democracy has failed in Europe. We thought it was the best way, but how can it be, if it is so weak? Maybe the Nazis have something. Maybe... maybe...’ So the whispers would have started....<br>That’s why I am fighting.... I’m trying to kill Fascism now, before it has a chance to eat in its ugly way at the American vitals.... I’m fighting because the world, like our own America, ‘cannot exist half slave and half free.’ I’m fighting because I think China has a right to live as a nation, not exist as a vast puppet state....<br>I’m fighting because I want to be able to look my children in the face some day and say to them that America wasn’t afraid to fight once again for an ideal, the ideals that have made America great. I love peace, but I hate war for the shocking waste of everything that it is; but even war is preferable to supine acquiescence in international murder, not merely of the body, but of the spirit. **Sgt. Henry C. Nelson, “To Be Able to Look My Children in the Face,” in ''Why I Fight'', published by the U.S. Army. *The mightiest bomber ever built. **A description of the [[B-17 Flying Fortress]], flown to England to participate in [[w:U.S. Eighth Air Force|Eighth Air Force]] bombing attacks on German industrial targets.{{source}} *I fail to detect a spirit of sacrifice in the group gyrations before Congress. Neither does it indicate that we have a spiritual grasp of our threatening fate when we sell bonds to help finance a war of survival or extermination on the promise of profitable monetary returns on the investment. I see no fundamental grasp of our predicament in anti-union employers who sabotage production committees for fear that industry will be sovietized, nor in labor union leaders who are so concerned about the competitive position of their own little groups as to examine the war with regard to how their own puny fortunes will be affected if labor unity is achieved or jurisdictional lines are eradicated.{{pbr}}I think our insufferable and materialistic pride has rendered us incapable of realizing fully that in German nazism we are fighting a monstrous thing that started out as a god-man complex, and now is fighting to the death whether that god-man complex still exists or not, in the desperate realization that nazism and the deluded fools who are backing nazism cannot survive if they do not win and exterminate their victims. ** [[Ralph Austin Bard|Ralph A. Bard]], [[w:Assistant Secretary of the Navy|United States Assistant Secretary of the Navy]], to the Industrial Union of Marine and Shipbuilding Workers of America, New York City, September 24, 1942. ''Speeches of the Day'', [https://archive.org/details/sim_vital-speeches-of-the-day_1942-10-15_9_1/page/22/mode/2up?q=%22German+nazism+we+are+fighting+a+monstrous%22 vol. 9, no. 1] (Oct. 15, 1942), pp. 21-23<!--http://www.ibiblio.org/pha/policy/1942/1942-09-24a.html--> ==== Second Battle of El Alamein (23 October – 11 November 1942) ==== [[File:DummyShermanTank.jpg|thumb|[[Winston Churchill]] stated that before Alamein, the Allies had never had a victory and that after they never had a defeat. ~ Christian House]] * [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] reportedly claimed that, "what the [[eyes]] [[see]] and the [[ears]] [[hear]], the [[mind]] [[believes]]". This could have been the motto of the [[w:Camoflage|camouflage]] [[w:Military unit|unit]] sent to the [[w:North African campaign|North African campaign]] at the height of the [[Second World War]]. In ''The Phantom Army of Alamein'', Rick Stroud has illuminated the shadowy antics of this little-[[recognised]] outfit during the [[w:Second Battle of El Alamein|battle of El Alamein]]. In doing so, he has created a fascinating study of how the most unlikely characters can become [[heroes]]. <br> Among their fold were [[w:Engraver|engravers]], [[painters]], [[w:Cartoonist|cartoonists]] and [[sculptors]], and their [[w:Commanding officer|commander]], Major [[w:Geoffrey Barkas|Geoffrey Barkas]], was an [[w:Oscars|Oscar]]-winning [[film director]]. The brief was to support the [[Army]] using a combination of [[w:Concealment|concealment]] and [[w:Embellishment|embellishment]] created with whatever came to hand. The [[Surrealist]] [[w:Roland Penrose|Roland Penrose]] [[tutored]] them, his [[lover]] [[w:Lee Miller|Lee Miller]] [[w:Modelling|posing]] [[nude]] in [[w:Camouflage|camouflage]] [[w:Cream|cream]] and [[w:Netting|netting]] as [[inspiration]]. And one of the more [[w:Grandiose|grandiose]] members was the [[w:Piccadilly|Piccadilly]] [[magician]] [[w:Jasper Maskelyne|Jasper Maskelyne]], a [[Wiktionary:Chancer|Chancer]] tasked with [[experimental]] [[w:Weapons development|developments]], who fogged his own [[reputation]] as much as any desert [[w:Convoy|convoy]]. ** Christian House, [https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/reviews/the-phantom-army-of-alamein-by-rick-stroud-8219360.html "The Phantom Army of Alamein, By Rick Stroud"], ''The Independent'', (21 October 2012). * [[w:Operation Bertram|Operation Bertram]], the section's greatest endeavour and the heart of this tale, was an act of monumental misdirection. The Alamein war zone was bookended by the sea and the Qattara Depression, leaving a small front. The unit created dummy tanks out of jeeps to go south, while, in a reverse feint, it covered real tanks with wooden cases, disguising them as trucks, each opening on top like a giant ladybird. These were sent north for the real offensive. "Hey presto!" judged Barkas. "Now you see them. Now you don't." [[w:Erwin Rommel|Rommel]] was fooled and Alamein was won. <br> [[Winston Churchill]] stated that before Alamein, the Allies had never had a victory and that after they never had a defeat. ** Christian House, [https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/reviews/the-phantom-army-of-alamein-by-rick-stroud-8219360.html "The Phantom Army of Alamein, By Rick Stroud"], ''The Independent'', (21 October 2012). ===1943=== *It is difficult to go anywhere in London without having the feeling that Britain is now Occupied Territory. **British writer [[George Orwell]].{{source}} *They’re overfed, overpaid, overdressed... and over here. **Common complaint of British people, as American troops were shipped to Britain to prepare for the invasion of German-occupied Europe.{{source}} *We are out to win the war in the quickest and most economical way. **Gen. George C. Marshall, Army Chief of Staff.{{source}} *In the magazines war seemed romantic and exciting, full of heroics and vitality.... I saw instead men... suffering and wishing they were somewhere else. **War correspondent Ernie Pyle.{{source}} *Today we are fighting in [[Italy|a country]] which was contributed a great deal to our [[cultural]] inheritance, a country rich in monuments which...illustrate the growth of the [[civilization]] which is ours. We are bound to [[respect]] those [[monuments]] so far as [[war]] allows. If we have to choose between destroying a [[famous]] [[building]] and sacrificing our own [[men]], then our men's [[lives]] count infinitely more and the building must go. But the choice is not always so clear-cut as that. Nothing can stand against the argument of [[military]] [[necessity]]. That is an accepted principle. But the phrase 'military necessity' is sometimes used where it would be more truthful to speak of military [[convenience]] or even personal convenience. I do not want it to cloak slackness or [[indifference]]. It is a [[responsibility]] of high commanders to determine through AMC Officers the locations of [[historical]] [[monuments]] whether they be immediately ahead of our front lines or in areas occupied by us. This information passed to lower echleons through normal channels places the responsibility on all commanders of complying with the spirit of this letter. **[[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], December 29, 1943 letter as qtd. in “The Law of Armed Conflict: Constraints on the Contemporary Use of Military Force”, edited by Howard M. Hensel, 2007, p. 58. ===1944=== *Shortly we will be fighting our way across the Continent of [[Europe]] in battles designed to preserve our [[civilization]]. Inevitably, in the path of our advance will be found historical monuments and cultural centers which symbolize to the world all that we are fighting to preserve. It is the [[responsibility]] of every commander to protect and respect these symbols whenever possible. In some circumstances the success of the military operation may be prejudiced in our reluctance to destroy these revered objects. Then, as at [[w:Cassino|Casssino]], where the enemy relied on our [[emotional]] attachments to shield his defense, the [[lives]] of our men are paramount. So, where military necessity dictates, commanders may order the required action even though it involves [[destruction]] to some [[honored]] site. But there are many circumstances in which damage and destruction are not necessary and cannot be [[justified]]. In such cases, through the exercise of restraint and discipline, commanders will preserve centers and objects of [[historical]] and cultural significance. Civil Affairs Staffs at higher echleons will advise commanders of the locations of historical monuments of this type both in advance of the front lines and in occupied areas. This information together with the necessary instruction, will be passe down through command channels to all echleons. **[[w:Dwight D. Eisenhower|Dwight D. Eisenhower]], May 26 1944 letter as qtd. in “The Law of Armed Conflict: Constraints on the Contemporary Use of Military Force”, edited by Howard M. Hensel, 2007, p. 58. *People of [[w:Western Europe|Western Europe]]: A landing was made this morning on the coast of France by troops of the Allied Expeditionary Force. This landing is part of the concerted United Nations plan for the liberation of Europe, made in conjunction with our great Russian allies.... I call upon those who love freedom to stand with us now. Together we shall achieve victory. **Radio address by U.S. General Dwight D. Eisenhower, the commander of allied forces, on "D-Day", the start of the Allied invasion of Nazi-occupied Europe, beginning with the landing in France on June 6. Note: “D-Day” is the term used in military planning that specifies the date that an amphibious (ship-to-shore) invasion occurs. [[File:Into the Jaws of Death 23-0455M edit.jpg|thumb|right|The free men of the world are marching together to victory. I have full confidence in your courage, devotion to duty, and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full victory. ~ [[w:Dwight D. Eisenhower|Dwight D. Eisenhower]]]] *Soldiers, Sailors and Airmen of the Allied Expeditionary Forces: You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade, toward which we have striven these many months. The eyes of the world are upon you. The hopes and prayers of liberty-loving people everywhere march with you. In company with our brave Allies and brothers-in-arms on other Fronts you will bring about the destruction of the German war machine, the elimination of Nazi tyranny over oppressed peoples of Europe, and security for ourselves in a free world.Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well equipped and battle-hardened. He will fight savagely. But this is the year 1944. Much has happened since the Nazi triumphs of 1940-41. The United Nations have inflicted upon the Germans great defeats, in open battle, man-to-man. Our air offensive has seriously reduced their strength in the air and their capacity to wage war on the ground. Our Home Fronts have given us an overwhelming superiority in weapons and munitions of war, and placed at our disposal great reserves of trained fighting men. The tide has turned. The free men of the world are marching together to victory. I have full confidence in your courage, devotion to duty, and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full victory.Good Luck! And let us all beseech the blessing of Almighty God upon this great and noble undertaking. **Speech given by Dwight D. Eisenhower to the troops on D-Day before the allied invasion. [[File:D-Day-Memorial-bronze-detail-Highsmith.jpeg|thumb|right|Boys were turned into men. Some would be very brave men; others would soon be very dead men, but any who survived would be frightened men. Some wet their pants, others cried unashamedly. Many just had to find within themselves the strength to get the job done. Discipline and training took over...~ Bob Slaughter]] *We saw the bomb explosions causing fires that illuminated clouds in the otherwise dark sky. We were twelve miles offshore as we climbed into our seat assignments on the LCAs [amphibious landing craft] and were lowered into the heavy sea from davits. The navy hadn’t begun its firing because it was still dark. We couldn’t see the armada but we knew it was there.<br>Prior to loading, friends said their so longs and good lucks.... All of us had a letter signed by the Supreme Commander, General Eisenhower, saying that we were about to embark upon a great crusade. A few of my cohorts autographed it an I carried it in my wallet throughout the war.<br>The Channel was extremely rough, and it wasn’t long before we had to help the craft’s pumps by bailing with our helmets. The cold spray blew in and soon we were soaking wet....<br>As the sky lightened, the armada became visible. The smoking and burning French shoreline also became more defined. At 0600, the huge guns of the Allied navies opened up with must have been one of the greatest artillery barrages ever.... I could see the [battleship] Texas firing broadside into the coastline.<br>Bomm-ba-ba-boom-ba-ba-boom! Within minutes, giant swells from the recoil of those guns nearly swamped us and added to the seasickness and misery. But one could also see the two-thousand-pound missiles tumbling on their targets. Twin fuselaged [[w:P-38|P-38 fighter-bombers]] were also overhead protecting us from the [[w:Luftwaffe|Luftwaffe]] [German Air Force] and giving us a false sense of security. This should be a piece of cake....<br>A few thousand yards from shore we rescued three or four survivors from a craft that had been swamped and sunk....<br>About two or three hundred yards from shore we encountered artillery fire. Near misses sent seawater skyward and then it rained back on us....<br>About 150 yards from shore, I raised my head despite the warning, ‘Keep your head down.’ I saw the boat on our right taking a terrific licking from small arms. Tracer bullets were bouncing and skipping off the ramp and sides as the enemy zeroed in on the boat which had beached a few minutes before us. Had we not delayed a few minutes to pick up the survivors of the sunken craft, we might have taken that concentration of fire.<br>Great plumes of water from enemy artillery and mortars sprouted close by. We knew then this was not going to be a walk-in. No one thought the enemy would give us this kind of opposition at the water’s edge. We expected A and B Companies to have the beach secured by the time we landed. In reality no one had set foot in our sector. The coxswain [boat driver] had missed the Vierville church steeple, our point to guide on, and the tides also helped pull us two hundred yards east.<br>The location didn’t make much difference. We could hear the ‘p-r-r-r-r, p-r-r-r-r’ of enemy machine guns to our right, towards the west. It was obvious someone was... getting chewed up where we had been supposed to come in.<br>The ramp went down while shells exploded on land and in the water. Unseen snipers were shooting down from the cliffs, but the most havoc came from automatic weapons....<br>When I did get out, I was in the water. It was very difficult to shed sixty pounds of equipment, and if one were a weak swimmer he could drown.... Many were in the water, and drowned, good swimmers or not. There were dead men floating in the water, and live men acting dead, letting the tide take them in....<br>I crouched down to chin deep in the water as shells fell at the water’s edge. Small arms fire kicked up sand. I noticed a GI running, trying to get across the beach. He was weighed down with equipment and having difficulty moving. An enemy gunner shot him. He screamed for a medic. An aidman moved quickly to help him and he was also shot. I’ll never forget seeing that medic lying next to that wounded soldier, both of them screaming. They died in minutes.<br>Boys were turned into men. Some would be very brave men; others would soon be very dead men, but any who survived would be frightened men. Some wet their pants, others cried unashamedly. Many just had to find within themselves the strength to get the job done. Discipline and training took over....<br>I took off my assault jacket and spread out my raincoat so I could clean my rifle. It was then I saw bullet holes in my jacket and raincoat. I lit my first cigarette; I had to rest and compose myself because I became weak in the knees.” **Bob Slaughter, [[w:29th Infantry Division|29th Infantry Division]], who landed on [[w:Omaha Beach|Omaha Beach]] at [[w:Normandy|Normandy]], where 3,500 Americans and 700 Germans were killed on June 6, 1944, in the battle of the beachhead.{{source}} *[The assault units] were disorganized, had suffered heavy casualties and were handicapped by losses of valuable equipment.... They were pinned down along the beach by intense enemy fire.... Personnel and equipment were being piled ashore... where congested groups afforded food targets for the enemy. **An American officer at the landing beach at Normandy, June 6, 1944.{{source}} *Sure, we all want to get home. We want to get this thing over with. But the quickest way to get it over with is to go get the bastards. The quicker they’re whipped, the quicker we go home. The shortest way home is through Berlin.{{pbr}}And there’s one thing you’ll be able to say when you get home. When you’re sitting around your fireside, with your brat on your knee, and he asks you what you did in the great World War II, you won’t have to say you shoveled shit in [[w:Louisiana|Louisiana]]. **General [[George S. Patton|George S. Patton, Jr.]], speech to his [[w:U.S. Third Army|Third Army]] before it was sent to join in the Battle of France (July 1944). *Any commander who fails to obtain his objective, and who is not dead or seriously wounded, has not done his full duty. **Gen. George S. Patton, Jr., instructions to the Third Army.{{source}} *Austin White, Chicago, Ill., 1918 and 1944. This is the last time I want to write my name here. **Inscription found near Verdun, France by a reporter for Yank magazine (a magazine for the soldiers). [http://www.oldmagazinearticles.com/pdf/YANK%20-Verdun%201944.pdf Yank Magazine] ====Battle of Monte Cassino (Jan. 17 – May 18, 1944)==== *Meantime, the French forces had crossed the Garigliano (River) and moved forward into the mountainous terrain lying south of the Liri River. It was not easy. As always, the German veterans reacted strongly and there was bitter fighting. The French surprised the enemy and quickly seized key terrain including Mounts Faito Cerasola and high ground near Castelforte. The [[w:1st Motorized Division|1st Motorized Division]] helped the 2nd Moroccan division take key Mount Girofano and then advanced rapidly north to S. Apollinare and S. Ambrogio. In spite of the stiffening enemy resistance, the 2nd Moroccan Division penetrated the Gustav Line in less than two day’s fighting. The next 48 hours on the French front were decisive. The knife-wielding Goumiers swarmed over the hills, particularly at night, and General Juin’s entire force showed an aggressiveness hour after hour that the Germans could not withstand. Cerasola, San Giogrio, Mt. D’Oro, Ausonia and Esperia were seized in one of the most brilliant and daring advances of the war in Italy, and by May 16 the French Expeditionary Corps had thrust forward some ten miles on their left flank to Mount Revole, with the remainder of their front slanting back somewhat to keep contact with the British 8th Army.<br>For this performance, which was to be a key to the success of the entire drive on Rome, I shall always be a grateful admirer of General Juin and his magnificent FEC... The 8th Army’s delay made Juin’s task more difficult, because he was moving forward so rapidly that his right flank---adjacent to the British---constantly was exposed to counter-attacks. **General [[Mark W. Clark|Mark Clark]] describes how the French Expeditionary Corps (FEC) under the command of Marechal Juin broke through the [[w:Gustav Line|Gustav Line]] in May of 1944; in Mark Wayne Clark, ''Calculated risk'' (1950), p. 348. *For me, it has been a deep source of satisfaction to see how the vital part played by the French troops of the Fifth Army throughout our Italian campaign against the common enemy has been universally acknowledged. During these long months, I have had the real privilege of seeing for myself the evidence of the outstanding calibre of the French soldiers, heirs of the noblest traditions of the [[w:French Army|French Army]]. Nevertheless, not satisfied with this, you and all your people have added a new epic chapter to the history of France; you have gladdened the hearts of your compatriots, giving them comfort and hope as they languish under the heavy and humiliating yoke of a hated invader. The energy and utter disregard for danger consistently shown by all members of the C.E.F., along with the outstanding professional skills of the French army officer, have aroused admiration in your Allies and fear in the enemy. From the banks of the Garigliano where your first successes set the tone which was to characterize the whole offensive, then pushing on to Rome through the mountains, crossing the Tiber and pursuing the enemy relentlessly to Sienna and to the hills dominating the valley of the Arno, France’s soldiers have always accomplished everything that was possible and sometimes even that which was not...With my deepest gratitude for the tremendous contribution that you have made to our joint victories, my dear General. **In a letter to Marechal Juin, General Mark Clark, paid tribute to the soldiers of the French Expeditionary Corps. — Marechal Juin, ''Mémoires'' (Fayard, 1959), p. 355 ===1945=== *The mission of this Allied Force was fulfilled at 3 a.m., local time, May 7, 1945. **Message from Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower, SCAEF (Supreme Commander, Allied Expeditionary Force) to the Combined Chiefs of Staff (the command of British and American forces), on the signing of the surrender by German delegates at Eisenhower’s headquarters at [[w:Rheims|Rheims]], France.{{fix cite}} ==The War in Europe: The Holocaust== ===1944=== *When we got off the cattle truck, they ordered, ‘Men right; women, left.’... I went with my father. My little sister, Esther, she went with my mother. Esther was only eleven. She was holding my mother’s hand. When they made a selection of the women, Esther clung to my mother. My mother wouldn’t give her up. ... They went straight to the gas chamber. ** Account of Maurice (Moritz) Vegh, in conversation with [[Martin Gilbert]], May 4, 1996. Vegh was sent to the [[Auschwitz concentration camp]] with his family at age 13, worked as a slave laborer, and was the only survivor from his family. ''The Boys: Triumph over Adversity'' (Douglas & McIntyre, 1996) p. 167 ===1945=== * I want every American unit not actually in the front lines to see this place...We are told that the American soldier does not know what he is fighting for. Now, at least, he will know what he is fighting ''against''. ** Comment of General Dwight D. Eisenhower, Supreme Allied Commander, after visiting [[w:Ohrdruf concentration camp|Ohrdruf concentration camp]], April 13, 1945. Bodies were stacked in the barracks the smell of burnt bodies came from crematoria. Charles R. Codman, ''Drive'' (Boston: Little, Brown & Co, 1957) pp. 282–3<!--Also in John Toland, ''The Last 100 Days'' (New York: Random House, 1966) p. 376--> * In another part of the camp they showed me the children, hundreds of them. Some were only 6 years old. One rolled up his sleeves, showed me his number. It was tattooed on his arm. B-6030, it was. The others showed me their numbers. They will carry them till they die...I could see their ribs through their thin shirts. ** CBS news correspondent [[Edward R. Murrow|Edward R. Morrow]], reporting from Buchenwald concentration camp, April 15<!--16-->, 1945. Transcript in ''From D-day through Victory in Europe'' (New York: CBS, 1945) pp. 168–74 * What makes this inquest significant is that these prisoners represent sinister influences that will lurk in the world long after their bodies have returned to dust. They are living symbols of racial hatreds, of terrorism and violence, and of the arrogance and cruelty of power. ** U.S. Supreme Court Justice [[Robert H. Jackson]], serving as a judge at the Nürnberg Trials of surviving Nazi leaders for war crimes and crimes against humanity. ''The New York Times'', vol. 95, no. 32,079 (Nov. 22, 1945) p. 2 * For months, for years we had one wish only: the wish that some of us would escape alive, in order to tell the world what the Nazi convict prisons were like...[T]here was the systematic...urge to use human beings as slaves and to kill them when they could work no more. ** Auschwitz survivor [[Marie-Claude Vaillant-Couturier|Marie Valliant]], in testimony at the [[w:Nuremberg trials|Nürnberg trials]], 28 January 1946. ''Trial of the Major War Criminals before the International Military Tribunal'' (1947) vol. 6, p. 228 * ''KZ Dachau — Velden — Buchenwald. Ich schäme mich, daß ich ein Deutscher bin.'' ** Concentration camps Dachau — Velden — Buchenwald. I am ashamed that I am a German. ** Painted on the wall of [[w:Feldherrnhalle|Feldherrnhalle]] in [[w:Munich|Munich]] some time after the city was captured by the Americans in 1945. Reported in [https://www.sueddeutsche.de/muenchen/muenchen-weltkriegsende-feldherrnhalle-1.4896848 "Späte Scham"], ''Süddeutsche Zeitung'' (4 May 2020) == The United States and the Commonwealth Fight Japan == ;Origins [[File:Pacific Area - The Imperial Powers 1939 - Map.svg|thumb|What Great Britain calls the {{w|Far East}} is to us the near north.]] * What Great Britain calls the {{w|Far East}} is to us the near north. ** [[Robert Menzies]], policy speech (1939), quoted in [[C. Hartley Grattan]], "An Australian–American Axis?", ''Harper's Magazine'', vol. 180 (May 1940), p. 562 * ''No foe shall gather our harvest, <br> Or sit on our stockyard rail.'' ** [[Mary Gilmore]], "[[w:No Foe Shall Gather Our Harvest|No Foe Shall Gather Our Harvest]]", st. 4, in ''The Australian Women's Weekly'' (Sydney, 29 June 1940), p. 5, with the author's note: "I'm too old to do many of the things I would like to do to win the war, but I can still write. Here is a song for the men and women of Australia." ;1941 * I know most of you here, and I have complete confidence in your ability and judgment. We've taken a whale of a wallop, but I have no doubt of the ultimate outcome. ** [[Chester W. Nimitz]], meeting with United States Pacific Fleet staff officers upon assuming command on 31 December 1941. As quoted by Ian W. Toll, ''Pacific Crucible: War at Sea in the Pacific, 1941–1942'' (2012), p. 160 * While you may have your initial success, due to timing and surprise, the time will come when you too will have your losses, but there will be this great difference. You will not only be unable to make up your losses, but will grow weaker as time grows on, while on the other hand we will not only make up our losses but will grow stronger as time goes on. It is inevitable that we will crush you before we are through with you. ** Admiral [[Harold Raynsford Stark|Harold Stark]], USN, Chief of Naval Operations, speaking to the Japanese ambassador before the war. Quoted in Louis Morton, The War in the Pacific. Strategy and Command: The First Two Years (1962) p. 125 * In the first six to twelve months of a war with the United States and Great Britain I will run wild and win victory upon victory. But then, if the war continues after that, I have no expectation of success. ** Admiral [[Isoroku Yamamoto]], planner of the attack on Pearl Harbor, to Prime Minister [[w:Fumimaro Konoe|Fumimaro Konoe]]. Quoted in Ronald Spector, ''Eagle Against the Sun: The American War With Japan'' (1985) * [[w:Banzai charge|''Tennōheika banzai!'']] (May the Emperor live ten thousand years!) ** Shout made by Imperial Japanese troops in attack. == Japan on the Offensive: The Fall of the Philippines (Dec. 1941 – May 1942)== ===1942=== *We're the battling bastards of Bataan;<br>No papa, no mama, no [[w:Uncle Sam|Uncle Sam]];<br>No aunts, no uncles, no nieces;<br>No pills, no planes, no artillery pieces....<br>And nobody gives a damn. **Sung by soldiers defending the [[w:Battle of Bataan|Bataan peninsula]], on the northwest of [[w:Manila Bay|Manila Bay]], the last major force holding out against [[w:Japanese invasion of the Philippines|Japanese invaders of the Philippines]]. {{source}} *Suppose you’re a sergeant machine-gunner, and your army is retreating and the enemy advancing. The captain takes you to a machine gun covering the road. ‘You’re to stay here and hold this position,’ he tells you. ‘For how long?’ you ask. ‘Never mind,’ he answers, ‘just hold it.’ Then you know you’re expendable. In a way anything can be expendable — money or gasoline or equipment or most usually men. They are expending you and that machine gun to get time. **William L. White, They Were Expendable, his account of the fall of the Philippines to the Japanese in early 1942. *The sun beat down upon my throbbing hear.... Along the road the jungle was a misty green haze, swimming before my sweat-filled eyes.<br>The hours dragged by, and a great number of prisoners reached the end of their endurance. The drop-outs became more numerous. The fell by the hundreds in the road....<br>There was the crack of a pistol and the shot rang out across the jungle. There was another shot, and more shots, and I knew that, straggling along behind us, was a clean-up squad of Japanese, killing their helpless victims on the white dusty road.... The shots continued, goading us on. I gritted my teeth. 'Oh, God, I've got to keep going. I can’t stop. I can’t die like that'. **Sergeant Sidney Stewart, a survivor of the [[w:Bataan Death March|Bataan Death March]] of April 1942, when the Japanese sent 70,000 American and Filipino prisoners 60 miles from the Bataan Peninsula to their prison camps. About 10,000 prisoners were killed by gunshot, bayonet, or starvation during the march.{{source}} *The President of the United States ordered me to break through the Japanese lines and proceed from [[w:Corregidor|Corregidor]] to [[Australia]] for the purpose, as I understand it, of organizing the American offensive against Japan, a primary objective of which is the relief of the Philippines.<br>I came through and '''I shall return.''' **General [[Douglas MacArthur]], remarks to reporters in Australia after he had been ordered by Pres. Roosevelt to leave the fortress on the island of Corregidor in Manila Bay before it fell to the Japanese (March 30, 1942). Reported in ''Representative Speeches of General of the Army Douglas MacArthur'' (1964), p. vi; Senate Doc. 88–95. *God have mercy on us! **General MacArthur, on learning of the state of Australia’s lack of preparedness to meet an attack by the Japanese. ==Japan’s Offensive Halted: The Battle of Midway (June 1942)== ===1942=== * We knew what Nimitz was doing. He did the right thing, and we let him alone. ** [[Ernest King]], Comment on Chester Nimitz's role in the Battle of Midway in ''Time'' magazine's interview with King, Volume XL, Number 23 (December 7, 1942), p. 33 *[The [[w:Doolittle Raid|Doolittle Air Raid]] on Tokyo in April 1942] ended the debate... as to whether Midway was to be attacked. **Admiral Yamamoto, Commander, Japanese Fleet.{{source}} *There is no choice but to force a decisive fleet encounter. If we set out from here to do that and we go to the bottom of the Pacific in a double suicide, things will be peaceful on the high seas for some time. **Admiral Yamamoto to the Japanese Naval General Staff before Operation Mi, the attack on [[w:Midway Island|Midway Island]].{{source}} *Surprise was paramount because we believed that the Japanese did not know of the presence of our carriers. **Commander Joseph Worthington, Commanding Officer of the destroyer USS Benham, on the US Navy’s planning for the [[w:Battle of Midway|Battle of Midway]], which relied on the breaking of the Japanese code.{{source}} *Within five minutes all her [Japanese aircraft carrier Akagi's] planes would be launched. Five minutes! Who would have dreamed that the tide of battle would shift completely in that brief interval of time?... The first Zero fighter gathered speed and whizzed of the deck. At that instant a lookout screamed, 'Hell divers [U.S. Navy dive bombers]!' I looked up to see three black enemy planes plummeting toward our ship. Bombs! Down they came straight toward me! **Commander Mitsuo Fuchida, a Japanese officer on the Akagi, in Midway: The Battle That Doomed Japan. In the Battle of Midway (June 3-6, 1942), the U.S. Navy stopped the Japanese advance on Hawaii and sunk four of the enemy’s aircraft carriers. The U.S. forces would advance without letup in the next years of the war in the Pacific. ==Turning the Tide in the Pacific== ===1942=== * No army has ever done so much with so little. ** [[Douglas MacArthur]], as reported by ''The New York Times'' (April 11, 1942), p. 1. He referred to the fall of Bataan. * It now appears that we are unable to control the sea in the Guadalcanal area. Thus our supply of the positions will only be done at great expense to us. The situation is not hopeless, but it is certainly critical. ** Admiral [[Chester W. Nimitz|Chester A. Nimitz]], commanding U. S. Naval forces in the Guadalcanal Campaign (November 1942).<!--As quoted in Jeter A. Isely and Philip A. Crowl, ''The U.S. Marines and Amphibious War'' (Princeton UP, 1951) p. 150--> * Once Japan is destroyed as an aggressive force, we know of no other challenging power that can appear in the Pacific. ... Japan is the one enemy, and the only enemy, of the peaceful peoples whose shores overlook the Pacific Ocean. ** [[Joseph Grew|Joseph C. Grew]], address for United China Relief, Carnegie Hall, New York City (October 10, 1942); in ''The Department of State Bulletin'' (October 10, 1942), p. 798. Grew was the U.S. ambassador to Japan, 1932–1941. ===1943=== * I look upon the Guadalcanal and Tulagi operations as the turning point from offensive to defensive, and the cause of our setback there was our inability to increase our forces at the same speed as you. ** Japanese Admiral [[Osami Nagano]], Chief of Naval Staff, to American officers after the war.<!--As quoted in Francis Pike, ''Hirohito's War: The Pacific War, 1941–1945'' (2015) p. 565--> * Bataan is like a child in a family who dies. It lives in our hearts. ** [[Douglas MacArthur]], reflection on the first anniversary of the [[w:Battle of Bataan|fall of Bataan]], April 9, 1942, as reported in ''The New York Times'', April 9, 1943, p. 9, which added, "It was the first time General MacArthur had mentioned the name Bataan publicly" since the day after the fall. ==America's Amphibious Advance in the Pacific== ===1939=== * A landing on a foreign coast in the face of hostile troops has always been one of the most difficult operations of war. It has now become much more difficult , almost impossible, because of the vulnerable target which a convoy of transports offers to the defenders’ air force. Even more vulnerable is the process of disembarkation in open boats. ** British military writer Captain B. H. Liddell Hart, in ''The Defense of Britain'' (1939). ==1943-1945: Victory in the Pacific== *The outstanding achievement of this war in the field of joint undertakings was the perfection of amphibious operations, the most difficult of all operations in modern warfare. **Fleet Admiral [[Ernest King|Ernest J. King]], in The War Reports of General of the Army George C. Marshall, Chief of Staff, General of the Army H. H. Arnold, Commanding General, Army Air Forces, Fleet Admiral Ernest J. King, Commander-in-Chief, US Fleet and Chief of Naval Operations (1947). ===1944=== *[The campaign objective is to obtain] positions from which the ultimate surrender of JAPAN can be forced by intensive air bombardment , by sea and air blockade, and by invasion if necessary. **Commander in Chief Pacific Ocean Areas (Admiral Nimitz), Campaign Plan Granite (January 15, 1944).{{fix cite}} *If [[w:Saipan|Saipan]] is lost, air raids on [[w:Tokyo|Tokyo]] will take place often. **Message sent by Emperor Hirohito to encourage the Japanese forces defending Saipan.{{source}} *Our ships have been salvaged and are retiring at high speed toward the Japanese fleet. **Admiral [[William Frederick Halsey, Jr.|William F. (“Bull”) Halsey]], radio message following [[w:Propaganda in Japan during the Second Sino-Japanese War and World War II|Japanese propaganda]] broadcasts about most of his [[w:U.S. Third Fleet|Third Fleet]] had been lost on the [[w:Battle of Leyte Gulf|Battle of Leyte Gulf]] (October 1944).{{source}} * This is Blackjack himself. Your work so far has been superb. I expect even more. Keep the bastards dying! ** [[William Frederick Halsey, Jr.]] in his closing message to all hands of the U.S. Third Fleet on 31 December 1944, as quoted by Halsey himself in ''Admiral Halsey's Story'' (1947), p. 242 * People of [[Philippines|the Philippines]]: '''I have returned'''. By the grace of Almighty God, our forces stand again on Philippine soil…. The hour of your redemption is here…. Rally to me! As the lines of battle roll forward to bring you within the zone of operations, rise and strike. Strike at every favourable opportunity. For your homes and hearths, strike! For future generations of your sons and daughters, strike! In the name of your sacred dead, strike! Let no heart be faint. Let every arm be steeled. The guidance of Divine God points the way. Follow in His name to the Holy Grail of righteous victory. ** [[Douglas MacArthur]], speech to the people of the Philippines, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wv1PF0tAE1s on landing in Leyte, Philippines] (October 17, 1944). Reported in MacArthur, ''Reminiscences'' (1964), p. 216–17. ===1945=== *The Navajo [[w:Code talker|Code Talkers]] have proved to be excellent Marines, intelligent, industrious, efficient.<br>Were it not for the Navajos, the Marines would never have taken Iwo Jima. **Comments about the "Code Talkers", Navajo Indian soldiers and Marines, who communicated on radio using their native language, which could not be understood by any Japanese who were listening.{{source}} *To be avoided, and if necessary ignored, were gung-ho platoon leaders who drew enemy fire by ordering spectacular charges. Ground wasn’t gained that way; it was won by small groups of men, five or six in a cluster, who moved warily forward in a kind of autohypnosis, advancing in a mysterious concert with similar groups on their flanks. **Sgt. William Manchester, USMC, reflections on ground combat in the Battle of Okinawa, in his personal history of the Pacific War, Goodbye Darkness. *Aboard a Fast Carrier in the Forward Pacific Area, May 11 (Special-Delayed) -- Two Japanese suicide planes carrying 1,000 pounds of bombs plunged into the flight deck of Vice Admiral Marc A. Mitscher’s own flagship today,... transforming one of our greatest flat-tops (aircraft carriers) into a floating torch, with flames soaring nearly 1,000 feet into the sky.<br>For eight seemingly interminable hours that followed the ship and her crew fought as tense and terrifying a battle for survival as had ever been witnessed in the Pacific, but when dusk closed in, the ''[[w:U.S.S. Bunker Hill|U.S.S. Bunker Hill]]'' — horribly crippled and still filmed by wisps of smoke and steam from her smoldering embers — was plowing along under her own power on the distant horizon, safe. Tomorrow she will spend another eight terrible hours burying at sea men who died to save her.<br>From the deck of a neighboring carrier a few hundred yards distant I watched the Bunker Hill burn. It is hard to believe that men could survive those flames or that metal could withstand such heat.<br>One minute our task force was cruising in lazy circles about 60 miles off Okinawa without a care in the world and apparently without a thought of an enemy plane. The next the Bunker Hill was a pillar of flame. It was as quick as that — like summer lightning....<br>For the first time in a week, our own ship had secured from general quarters an hour or two before... and those men not on regular watch were permitted to relax from the deadly sixteen-hour vigil they had put in at battle stations every day since we had entered the battle area.<br>So it was on the Bunker Hill. Exhausted men not on watch were catching a catnap. Aft, on the flight deck, 34 planes were waiting to take off. Their tanks were filled to the last drop with highly volatile aviation gasoline. Their guns were loaded to the last possible round of ammunition....<br>Just appearing over the horizon were the planes returning form an early mission.... Then it was that a man aboard our ship caught the first glimpse of three enemy planes and cried a warning. But before general quarters could be sounded on this ship, and before half a dozen shots could be fired by the Bunker Hill, the first kamikaze had dropped his 550-pound bomb on the ship and plunged his plane squarely into the 34 waiting planes in a shower of burning gasoline....<br>But before a move could be made to fight the flames, another kamikaze came whining out of the clouds, straight into the deadly anti-aircraft guns of the ship....<br>Minutes later a third Jap suicider zoomed down to finish the job. Ignoring the flames and the smoke that swept around them, the men in the Bunker Hill’s gun galleries stuck to their posts.... It was a neighboring destroyer, which finally scored a direct hit on the Jap and sent him splashing harmlessly into the sea....<br>For more than an hour there was no visible abatement in the fury of the flames.... Crippled as she was she plowed ahead at top speed, and the wind that swept her decks blew the flames and smoke astern over the fantail, preventing the blaze from spreading forward on the flight deck.... Trapped on the fantail itself, men faced the flames and fought grimly on; with... no way of knowing how much of the ship remained on the other side of that fiery wall....<br>After nearly three hours of almost hopeless fighting, she had brought the fires under control, and though it was many more hours before they were completely extinguished, the battle was won and the ship was saved.<br>A goodly thick book could not record all the acts of heroism that were performed aboard that valiant ship today....<br>[A]t the cost of three pilots and three planes today the enemy killed a probable total of 392 of our men, wounded 264 others, destroyed about 70 planes and wrecked a fine and famous ship. The flight deck of that ship tonight looks like the crater of a volcano.... But the ship has not been sunk.... As it is the Bunker Hill will steam back to Bremerton Navy Yard under her own power and there will be repaired.... But within a few weeks she will be back again, sinking more ships, downing more planes, and bombing out more Japanese air fields.<br>Perhaps her next task will be to cover the invasion of Tokyo itself! **Phelps Adams, "Kamikazes: An Eyewitness Account", from ''Masterpieces of War Reporting: Great Moments of World War II'', ed. Louis Snyder (1962), pp. 487-494. The "Kamikaze" or "Divine wind" in Japanese: referred to suicide pilots who would fly their bomb-laden planes into American naval ships. The USS Bunker Hill was repaired in Bremerton, Washington and returned to the Pacific Fleet in September. The ship remained in the Navy until it was sold for scrap in 1973. ==Atomic Bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki (August 6/9, 1945)== '''1945''' *Please, for God's sake, stop sending our finest youth to be murdered in places like Iwo Jima.... Why can't objectives be accomplished some other way? **Letter written to the Secretary of the Navy.{{source}} *National Resistance Program.^{[''[[WQ:Q|Quote?]]'']} **Japanese plan for using all males, ages 15 to 60, and females, ages 17 to 40, in combat roles in the expected Allied invasion of the Japanese home islands, planned to begin with [[w:Operation Olympic|Operation Olympic]] on 1 November 1945. Postwar analysis of Japanese documents showed that "sacrificing 20 million Japanese lives" was expected. *[Japanese defenses threatened] to grow to [the] point where we attack on a ratio of one (1) to one (1) which is not a recipe for victory. **Major General [[w:Charles Willoughby|Charles Willoughby]], G-2 (chief of intelligence) on General MacArthur’s staff, on the buildup of Japanese forces in the zone of the planned Operation Olympic assault.{{source}} *When I saw a very strong light, a flash, I put my arms over my face unconsciously.... The whole city was destroyed and burning. There was no place to go. **Michiko Yamaoka, a survivor of the atomic bombing of Hiroshima (August 6, 1945).{{source}} [[File:Atomic bombing of Japan.jpg|thumb|right|The force from which the sun draws its power has been loosed against those who brought war to the Far East]] *Sixteen hours ago an American airplane dropped one bomb on Hiroshima, an important Japanese Army base. That bomb had more power than 20,000 tons of TNT....<br>With this bomb we have now added a new and revolutionary increase in destruction to supplement the growing power of our armed forces....<br>It is an atomic bomb. It is a harnessing of the basic power of the universe. The force from which the sun draws its power has been loosed against those who brought war to the Far East....<br>Having found the bomb we have used it. We have used it against those who attacked us without warning at Pearl Harbor, against those who have starved and beaten and executed American prisoners of war, against those who have abandoned all pretense of obeying international laws of warfare. We have used it in order to shorten the agony of war, in order to save the lives of thousands and thousands of young Americans.<br>We shall continue to use it until we completely destroy Japan’s power to make war. Only a Japanese surrender will stop us. **President [[Harry S Truman]], radio address to the American people, following the bombing of Hiroshima, Japan (August 6). *You think of the lives which would have been lost in an invasion of Japan’s main islands — a staggering number of Americans, but millions more of Japanese — and you thank God for the atomic bomb. **Comment of one Marine in the Pacific.{{source}} *Would it not be wondrous for this whole nation to be destroyed like a beautiful flower. **General Anami, Japanese War Minister, at a meeting of Japan’s Supreme Council for the Direction of the War (August 9, 1945).{{source}} *We of the peace party were assisted by the atomic bomb in our endeavor to end the war. **Koichi Kido, aide of Emperor Hirohito.{{source}} *[The atomic bombings were a] gift from heaven. **Mitsumasa Yonai, Japanese Navy Minister, who argued that the bombings caused the collapse of the power of leaders who favored continuing the war.{{source}} *The atomic bomb was a golden opportunity given by heaven for Japan to end the war. **Hisatsune Sakomizu, the chief cabinet secretary in 1945.{{source}} *We declared war on America and Britain out of Our sincere desire to ensure Japan's self-preservation and the stabilization of East Asia, it being far from Our thought either to infringe upon the sovereignty of other nations or to embark upon territorial aggrandisement. But now the war has lasted for nearly four years. Despite the best that has been done by everyone -- the gallant fighting of the military and naval forces, the diligence and assiduity of Our servants of the State and the devoted service of Our one hundred million people, the war situation has developed not necessarily to Japan's advantage, while the general trends of the world have all turned against her interest. Moreover, the enemy has begun to employ a new and most cruel bomb, the power of which to damage is indeed incalculable, taking the toll of many innocent lives. Should We continue to fight, it would not only result in an ultimate collapse and obliteration of the Japanese nation, but also it would lead to the total extinction of human civilization. **Surrender speech of Emperor [[Hirohito]] (August 15, 1945). This was the first occasion in which common Japanese heard the voice of their emperor.{{fix cite}} *Today the guns are silent. A great tragedy has ended. A great victory has been won. The skies no longer rain death... men everywhere walk upright in sunlight. The entire world lies quietly at peace. The holy mission has been completed. And in reporting this to you, the people, I speak for the thousands of silent lips, forever stilled among the jungles and the beaches and in the deep waters of the Pacific which marked the way....<br>As I look back on the long, tortuous trail from those grim days of Bataan and Corregidor, when an entire world lived in fear, when democracy was on the defensive everywhere, when modern civilization trembled in the balance, I thank a merciful God that He has given us the faith, the courage, and the power from which to mold victory. We have known the bitterness of defeat and the exaltation of triumph, and from both we have learned there can be no turning back. We must go forward to preserve in peace what we won in war. **General Douglas MacArthur, commander of allied forces in the Pacific, radio address on V-J Day, September 2, 1945, when Japanese representatives signed the surrender agreement on the deck of the battleship USS Missouri, in Tokyo Bay. ==Aftermath== [[File:Eternal flame ceremony 23 February 2010 07.jpg|thumb|Your name is unknown. Your deed is immortal. ~ Tomb of the Unknown Soldier (Moscow)]] [[File:World War II Memorial Pacific-Bas Reliefs Navy In Action.jpg|thumb|right|But all these agree with me in the selection of the truly heroic figure of this war. He is G.I. Joe, and his counterpart in the Air, the Navy, and the Merchant Marine of every one of the United Nations. ~ Dwight D. Eisenhower]] * '''Your name is unknown. Your deed is immortal.''' (Russian: "Имя твоё неизвестно, подвиг твой бессмертен"/Imya tvoyo neizvestno, podvig tvoy bessmerten) ** Tomb of the Unknown Soldier (Moscow). * Merely to name my principal supporters in the Canadian, French, American and British forces, is to present a picture of the utmost in efficiency, skill, loyalty, and devotion to duty. The United Nations will gratefully remember Teather, Montgomery, Spots, Bradley, Bilat, Crere and many others. <br/k> '''But all these agree with me in the selection of the truly heroic figure of this war. He is G.I. Joe, and his counterpart in the Air, the Navy, and the Merchant Marine of every one of the United Nations.''' He has braved the dangers of [[w:Battle of the Atlantic|U-Boat infested seas]]. He has surmounted charges into [[w:Invasion of Normandy|desperately defended beaches]]. He has fought his teagest patient way throught the ultimate in fortified zones. He has endured cold, hunger, fatigue. His companion has been danger, death has dogged his footsteps. He and his platoon commanders have given us an example of loyalty, devotion to duty, and indomitable courage that will live in our hearts as long as we admire those qualities in men. ** General [[Dwight D. Eisenhower|Dwight Eisenhower]], V-E Day Speech, 1945. *It would be wrong to think that the Second World War broke out accidentally, or as a result of blunders committed by certain statesmen, although blunders were certainly committed. '''As a matter of fact, the war broke out as the inevitable result of the development of world economic and political forces on the basis of present-day monopolistic [[capitalism]].''' [[Marxism|Marxists]] have more than once stated that the capitalist system of world economy contains the elements of a general crisis and military conflicts, that, in view of that, the development of world capitalism in our times does not proceed smoothly and evenly, but through crises and catastrophic wars. The point is that the uneven development of capitalist countries usually leads, in the course of time, to a sharp disturbance of the equilibrium within the world system of capitalism, and that group of capitalist countries regards itself as being less securely provides with raw materials and markets usually attempts to change the situation and to redistribute “spheres of influence” in its own favor — by employing armed force. As a result of this, the capitalist world is split into two hostile camps, and war breaks out between them. '''Perhaps catastrophic wars could be avoided if it were possible periodically to redistribute raw materials and markets among the respective countries in conformity with their economic weight by means of concerted and peaceful decisions. But this is impossible under the present capitalist conditions of world economic development.''' **[[Joseph Stalin]], [http://soviethistory.msu.edu/1947-2/cold-war/cold-war-texts/stalin-election-speech/ election speech], 1946 *'''In the Second World War every bond between man and man was to perish.''' Crimes were committed by the Germans under the Hitlerite domination to which they allowed themselves to be subjugated find no equal in scale and wickedness with any that have darkened the human record. The wholesale massacre of by systematised processes of six or seven millions of men, women, and children in the German execution camps exceeds in horror the rough-and-ready butcheries of Genghis Khan, and in scale reduces them to pygmy proportions. '''Deliberate extermination of whole populations was contemplated and pursued by both Germany and Russia in the Eastern war.''' The hideous process of bombarding open cities from the air, once started by the Germans, was repaid twenty-fold by the ever-mounting power of the Allies, and found its culmination in the use of atomic bombs which obliterated Hiroshima and Nagasaki. '''We have at length emerged from a scene of material ruin and moral havoc the like of which had never darkened the imagination of former centuries. After all that we suffered and achieved we find ourselves still confronted with problems not less but far more formidable than those which we have so narrowly made our way.''' **Winston Churchill, ''The Second World War: Volume 1: The Gathering Storm'', p. 14, 1948 * '''Well, it's all over. I wonder what I'm going to do tomorrow.''' ** Fleet Admiral [[Ernest King]], 9th Chief of Naval Operations, in a remark to Neil K. Dietrich on 14 August 1945; King had just learned that President Harry Truman was going to announce Japan's decision to surrender unconditionally to the Allied powers. As quoted by Thomas B. Buell in ''Master of Sea Power: A Biography of Fleet Admiral Ernest J. King'' (1980), p. 498 *Behind much of the current fascination with World War II lies the feeling, certainly on the Allied side, that it was the last morally unambiguous good war. German Nazis, Italian Fascists, and Japanese militarists were so clearly bad people who had to be defeated. (The fact that we were allied with one of the greatest tyrants of the [[20th century|twentieth century]] in Joseph Stalin is something to be overlooked.) The wars since have not been as clear-cut. The [[Korean War]], true, was necessary to defeat Soviet expansionism, but [[Douglas MacArthur|General MacArthur]]’s attempt to turn it into a crusade against [[Chinese Communist Party|Chinese Communism]] divided Americans among themselves and against their allies. [[Vietnam War|Vietnam]] was a catastrophe for the United States, and now the [[Iraq War|occupation of Iraq]] is looking like another. **[[Margaret MacMillan]], ''The Uses and Abuses of History'' (2008) ==War Aims and the Diplomacy of War== ===1943=== * America must choose one of three courses after this war: narrow nationalism, which inevitably means the ultimate loss of our own liberty; international imperialism, which means the sacrifice of some other nation’s liberty; or the creation of a world in which there shall be an equality of opportunity for every race and every nation. I am convinced the American people will choose, by overwhelming majority, the last of these courses. To make this choice effective, we must win not only the war but also the peace, and we must start winning it now. <br> To win this peace three things seem to me necessary — first, we must plan now for peace on a worldwide basis; second, the world must be free, politically and economically, for nations and for men, that peace may exist in it; third, America must play an active, constructive part in freeing it and keeping its peace. ... <br> This cannot be accomplished by mere declarations of our leaders, as in an Atlantic Charter. Its accomplishment depends primarily upon acceptance by the peoples of the world. ... The Four Freedoms will not be accomplished by those momentarily in power. They will become real only if the people of the world forge them into actuality. ** [[Wendell Willkie]], the 1940 Republican candidate for president, in [[w:One World (Willkie book)|''One World'']] (1943) ch. 14 * Before this year is out, it will be made known to the world — in actions rather than in words — that the Casablanca Conference produced plenty of news; and it will be bad news for the Germans and Italians — and the Japanese. ... <br> In an attempt to ward off the inevitable disaster, the Axis propagandists are trying all of their old tricks in order to divide the United Nations. They seek to create the idea that if we win this war, Russia, England, China, and the United States, are going to get into a cat-and-dog fight. ... <br>To these panicky attempts to escape the consequences to their crimes we say — all the United Nations say — that the only terms on which we shall deal with any Axis government or any Axis factions are the terms proclaimed at Casablanca: ‘Unconditional Surrender.’ In our uncompromising policy we mean no harm to the common people of the Axis nations. But we do mean to impose punishment and retribution in full upon their guilty, barbaric leaders. ** President [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Roosevelt]], after returning from the [[w:Casablanca Conference|Casablanca Conference]] with Prime Minister Churchill. Address before the White House Correspondents Association, broadcast from the annual gathering of the Association, Hotel Statler, Washington, D.C., and released by the White House for publication Feb. 12, 1943, 9:30 p.m. ''Department of State Bulletin'', vol. 8, no. 190 (Feb. 13, 1943) pp. 145–46 ===1945=== * The establishment of order in Europe and the rebuilding of national economic life must be achieved by processes which enable the liberated peoples to destroy the last vestiges of Nazism and Fascism and to create democratic institutions of their own choice. ** State Department report on the Yalta Conference, in which the Big Three met in February 1945 at a resort in southern Russia, to finalize plans to defeat Nazi Germany and to begin the reconstruction of Europe. William Appleman Williams (ed.) ''The Shaping of American Diplomacy'' (Chicago: Rand McNally & Co, 1956) p. 930 ==[[w:Cultural heritage|Cultural heritage]] protection== [[File:Ghent_altarpiece_at_Altaussee.jpg|thumb|They followed U.S. Army units into liberated town where they scoured hiding places for stolen artworks that they prepared for future [[w:Repatriation|repatriation]] and stored them in protected locations. Additionally, Monuments Men carried lists of treasures compiled by Western art experts. If a listed [[building]] or [[monument]] was damaged, they recorded the damage, supervised repair work and prevented further damage to the object of cultural property. ~ Gregory J. Ferrara]] [[File:Monuments_Men_Congressional_Gold_Medal_(reverse).jpg|thumb|They earned their name from their primary role as protectors of [[statues]], [[historic]] [[buildings]] and cultural landmarks. This was a huge task encompassing 3,415 monuments listed within a 560,000 square mile area of the [[European]] continent. ~ Gregory J. Ferrara]] * The [[specialized]] [[knowledge]] needed for delicate military operations concerning [[w:Cultural heritage|cultural heritage]] objects is most readily available from [[w:Academic institutions|academic institutions]]. [[Scholars]], [[w:Professor|professors]] and [[w:Museum|museum]] specialists are the front-line experts to consult when protecting objects of cultural heritage. These individuals can identify threatened works and know the appropriate responses for their care and preservation. Many have honed their specialized skills during long careers with their associated institutions and are valuable contacts for military planners to keep on hand. Academic institutions for this paper include [[w:College|colleges]] or [[w:University|universities]], museums, art galleries and non-profit learned societies. <br> During World War II the militaries of [[Germany]] and the [[United States]] selected individuals from this community of higher learning to staff their [[art]] protection agencies. German and American army commanders sought professionals with extensive knowledge on cultural property, how to identify it and how to handle it. Individuals with qualifications that met the demands of cultural protection were selected for service under parent army organizations. Some were assigned officer ranks in their respective militaries to further their leadership capabilities and strengthen the influence of cultural heritage protection policies in military procedure. ** Gregory J. Ferrara, [https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/2cc6/852f5804c8695caf26e06663d61d4694725f.pdf “Museum Treasures in the Fog of War: a Historical Analysis of Cultural Heritage Protection During a Time of War”], [[w:Seton Hall University|Seton Hall University]], (Spring 5-2013), p. 9. * [[American]] [[w:Academic institutions|academic institutions]] consulted with the United States federal government about vulnerable cultural sites before Americans joined the land war in [[Europe]] during World War II. Representatives of the [[w:Archaeological Institute of America|Archaeological Institute of America]], the [[w:New York Metropolitan Museum of Art|New York Metropolitan Museum of Art]], the [[w:Fogg Museum of Fine Arts of Harbard University|Fogg Museum of Fine Arts of Harbard University ]] and the [[w:National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C.|National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C.]] met as a single group with the [[w:United States State Department|U.S. State Department]] in the fall of 1942. A committee of the [[w:American Council of Learned Societies|American Council of Learned Societies]] (ACLS) further discussed the issue in January 1943. These concerned scholars approached the federal government well before [[w:Allied invasion of Sicily|American soldiers landed in Sicily during July 1943]] and [[w:Allied invasion of Normandy|Normandy during June 1944]] as part of [[w:European theatre of World War Two|European theatre]] operations. <br> These individuals realized that artworks and cultural heritage sites in occupied nations were subject to damage during the inevitable invasion of Hitler's "fortress Europe." This outreach from America's major art [[w:Museum|museums]], [[w:Art gallery|galleries]] and intellectual societies gained the attention of President [[Franklin Roosevelt]] who authorized the cooperation of academic institutions with the [[w:Joint Chiefs of Staff|Joint Chiefs of Staff]] - a composition of senior [[Army]], [[Navy]] and [[w:Army Air Corps|Army Air Corps]] leaders who advised federal departments on military matters. Roosevelt also authorized the creation of the Roberts Commission (officially titled the "American Commission for the Protection and Salvage of Artistic and Historic Monuments in War Areas") in August 1942. In response to Roosevelt's authorization of the Roberts Commission,the U.S. military created its own organization called the [[w:Monuments, Fine Arts and Archives Service| Monuments, Fine Arts and Archives Service]], (MFA&A). The famed [[w:Monuments Men|Monuments Men]] emerged from this parent organization. ** Gregory J. Ferrara, [https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/2cc6/852f5804c8695caf26e06663d61d4694725f.pdf “Museum Treasures in the Fog of War: a Historical Analysis of Cultural Heritage Protection During a Time of War”], [[w:Seton Hall University|Seton Hall University]], (Spring 5-2013), pp. 19-20. * The [[w:Monuments Men|Monuments Men]] were incorporated as a section of the [[w:Supreme Headquarters of the Allied Expeditionary Force|Supreme Headquarters of the Allied Expeditionary Force]] (SHAEF) commanded by Dwight D. Eisenhower. Eisenhower recognized that the advance of Allied troops would threaten shared [[w:cultural heritage|cultural heritage]] that belonged to all [[humanity]]. He addressed soldiers advancing on [[Rome]], saying "Today we are fighting in a country which was contributed a great deal to our cultural inheritance, a country rich in monuments which...illustrate the growth of the civilization which is ours. We are bound to respect those monuments so far as war allows." As [[w:Supreme Allied Commander|Supreme Allied Commander]], [[Eisenhower]] increased support for the mission of the Monuments Men following the destruction of the [[Italian]] cultural site as [[w:Monte Cassino|Monte Cassino]] in February 1944 and added protection of European patrimony to the list of war aims. The Monuments Men arrived in [[Europe]] following the 15 August 1944 Allied landings on the [[w:Southern France|southern coast of France]]. They followed [[w:United States Army|U.S. Army]] units into liberated towns where they scoured hiding places for [[stolen]] artworks that they prepared for future [[w:Repatriation|repatriation]] and stored them in protected locations. Additionally, Monuments Men carried lists of [[treasures]] compiled by Western art experts. If a listed building or monument was damaged, they recorded the damage, supervised repair work and prevented further damage to the object of cultural property. The Monuments Men continued operations in Europe following the end of hostilities until the MFA&A was dissolved in June 1946. ** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower|Dwight D. Eisenhower]] as qtd. in Gregory J. Ferrara, [https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/2cc6/852f5804c8695caf26e06663d61d4694725f.pdf “Museum Treasures in the Fog of War: a Historical Analysis of Cultural Heritage Protection During a Time of War”], Seton Hall University, (Spring 5-2013), p. 21-22. * The Monuments Men had a similar mission as their [[Nazi Germany|German]] counterparts in the ''Kunstschutz'' with the addition of repatriation of looted materials. Monuments Men duties included increased awareness and native population cooperation policies like those exhibited by the ''Kunstshutz'', but their four main concentrations were (1) repairing damaged monuments in Allied possession, (2) protecting monuments from damage or misuse at the hands of Allied soldiers, (3) protecting monuments in territories occupied by enemy forces from unnecessary damage and (4) recording theft by enemy forces and collecting available evidence to facilitate recovery. They earned their name from their primary role as protectors of [[statues]], [[historic]] [[buildings]] and cultural landmarks. This was a huge task encompassing 3,415 [[monuments]] listed within a 560,000 square mile area of the [[European]] [[w:Continent|continent]]. <br> This large geographic challenge required cooperation from a dutifully informed Allied chain of command. The Monuments Men increased awareness by creating several publications to disseminate among officers and [[w:U.S. Army|U.S. Army]] [[leadership]]. Monuments Men provided [[w:Army Air Corps|Army Air Corps]] and infantry artillery units with lists of art treasures that must be spared damage when possible to avoid bombing and shelling [[historic]] structures during saturation attacks. Each entry was rated with an easily understood star system according to age, preservation condition and reputation among the local or international community. Three out of three stars was the highest ranking available. ** Gregory J. Ferrara, [https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/2cc6/852f5804c8695caf26e06663d61d4694725f.pdf “Museum Treasures in the Fog of War: a Historical Analysis of Cultural Heritage Protection During a Time of War”], [[w:Seton Hall University|Seton Hall University]], (Spring 5-2013), pp. 22-23. ==Economic impact== [[File:Seizure_of_the_Zaibatsu_families_assets.JPG|thumb|After World War II and the surrender of Japan, an attempt was made to dismantle the zaibatsu. American economic advisers to presidents [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Franklin Roosevelt]] and [[Harry Truman]] were highly suspicious of [[monopolies]] and restrictive business practices, which they felt to be both inefficient and a form of [[corporatism]]. ~ Jennifer Beamer]] * From the late 1900s onward, the [[w:Zaibatsu|zaibatsu]] were instrumental in economic and industrial activity within Japan. Zaibatsu groups were made up of a central holding company, owned by a controlling family, which held the stocks of major affiliates. While this style of pyramid control was common in the West, what made the zaibatsu unique was that they held a minority interest in affiliated members and controlled them through other techniques. Dependence on banking, shipping, and trading facilities of the combine was one of these techniques, but more important was the personal loyalty of the executives to all the firms of the group. The four largest Zaibatsu had direct control over more than 30 percent of Japan's mining, chemical, and metals industries; almost 50 percent control over the machinery and equipment market; 60 percent of the commercial stock exchange; as well as a significant portion of the export merchant fleet. ** Jennifer Beamer, [https://scholarspace.manoa.hawaii.edu/bitstream/10125/32822/4/Beamer%20Zaibatsu.pdf “Japanese Zaibatsu”], ''Hawaii.edu'', (2012), p. 301 * After World War II and the surrender of Japan, an attempt was made to dismantle the zaibatsu. American economic advisers to presidents [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Franklin Roosevelt]] and [[Harry Truman]] were highly suspicious of [[monopolies]] and restrictive business practices, which they felt to be both inefficient and a form of corporatism. During the occupation only 16 zaibatsu were targeted for complete dissolution, and 26 more for reorganization. In 1946, the controlling zaibatsu families' assets were seized. holding companies were eliminated, and interlocking directorships. necessary to the old system of intercompany coordination, were outlawed. Neveretheless, complete termination of the zaibatsu was never achieved, mostly because the U.S. government reversed course in an effort to reindustrialize Japan, as a bulwark against [[Communism]] from other parts of Asia. The zaibatsu were in this case considered to be beneficial to the Japanese [[economy]] and [[government]]. The opinions of the Japanese public, however, ranged from indifferent to disapproving. ** Jennifer Beamer, [https://scholarspace.manoa.hawaii.edu/bitstream/10125/32822/4/Beamer%20Zaibatsu.pdf “Japanese Zaibatsu”], Hawaii.edu, (2012), p. 301 ==The War at Home== ;1941 * [The attack on Pearl Harbor showed] the seriousness of the challenge confronting us and our very souls became so inflamed with righteous wrath, so fired with patriotism, that our differences and divisions and hates melted into a unity never before witnessed in this country. * [[John W. Flannagan Jr.]], of Virginia, remarks in the U.S. House of Representatives (December 16, 1941); ''Congressional Record'', vol. 87, pt. 14, app. (October 9, 1941 – January 2, 1942), p. A5609 ;1942 * [[w:Loose lips sink ships|Loose lips sink ships]] ** Wartime slogan that urged people to keep quiet because spies could always be listening. * In time of this grave national danger, when all excess income should go to win the war, no American citizen ought to have a net income, after he has paid his taxes, of more than $25,000 a year. ** [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]], message to Congress (April 27, 1942); ''The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1942'' (1950), p. 221 * The need is urgent — War in the Pacific has greatly reduced our supply of vegetable fats from the Far East. It is necessary to find substitutes for them. Fat makes glycerine. And glycerine makes explosives for us and our Allies — explosives to down Axis planes, stop their tanks, and sink their ships. We need millions of pounds of glycerine and you housewives can supply it.<br>Don’t throw away a single drop of used cooking fat, meat drippings, fry fats — every kind you use. After you’ve got all the cooking good from them, pour them through a kitchen strainer into a clean, wide-mouthed can. Keep it in a cool dark place....<br>Take them to your meat dealer when you’ve saved a pound or more. He is cooperating patriotically. He will pay you for your waste fats and get them started on their way to war industries. ** Federal Government pamphlet getting civilians involved in the war effort; Stan Cohen, ''V for Victory: America's Home Front during World War II'' (Missoula, MT: Pictorial Histories, 1991), p. 111<!--"Housewives Are Urged to Save All Waste Fats", ''Kingston Daily Freeman'', vol. 71, no. 227 (July 15 1942), p. 11--> ;1943 * Dr. New Deal... [has been replaced by] Dr. Win the War.... The overwhelming first emphasis should be on winning the war. ** President Roosevelt, press conference (December 28, 1943) on the change in the priorities of the Federal Government; ''The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1943'' (1950), p. 140 * The honest-minded liberal will admit that the common man is getting a better break [now] than he did under the New Deal. ** A writer in [[w:Common Sense (American magazine)|''Common Sense'']]<!--A New Deal administrator (?)--> (September 1943); ''War and Society: The United States, 1941–1945'' (J. B. Lippincott Co., 1972), p. 93 * To harden home-front morale, the military services have adopted a new policy of letting civilians see photographically what warfare does to men who fight. ** ''Newsweek'' editors, on the War Department’s policy of letting photos of American troop casualties be shown in order to reverse the public’s overconfidence; Susan D. Moeller, ''Shooting War: Photography and the American Experience of Combat'' (New York: Basic Books, 1989), p. 241 === The War at Home: Japanese-Americans === ====1942==== * The very fact that no sabotage has taken place to date is a disturbing and confirming indication that action will be taken. ** War Department report on Japanese migrants and Japanese-Americans on the West Coast after the attack on Pearl Harbor. Quoted by Eugene V. Rostow, "Our Worst Wartime Mistake", in ''Harper's'' (September 1945) p. 196 * Despite the color of our hair and skin, despite the shape of our eyes, the U.S. was our country. I remember how my parents reminded us of that fact. Just before our family was evacuated, my father... said, "No matter what happens, this is your home." ** U.S. Secretary of Transportation [[Norman Mineta]], taken as a child to an internment camp. Reported in Robert James Maddox (ed.) ''American History'', 9th ed. (Guilford, CT: Dushkin Pub. Group, 1987) vol. 2, p. 164 * During the bleak spring of 1942, the Japanese and Japanese-Americans who lived on the West Coast of the United States were taken into custody and removed into camps in the interior. More than 100,000 men, women, and children were thus exiled and imprisoned. More than two-thirds of them were American citizens. * These people were taken into custody as a military measure on the ground that espionage and sabotage were especially to be feared from persons of Japanese blood. The whole group was removed from the West Coast because the military authorities thought it would take too long to conduct individual investigations on the spot. They were arrested without warrants and were held without indictment or a statement of charges. ... Despite the good intention of the chief relocation officers, the centers were little better than concentration camps. * If the evacuees were found ‘loyal,’ they were released only if they could find a job and a place to live, in a community where no hoodlums would come out at night to chalk-up anti-Japanese slogans, break windows, or threaten riot. If found ‘disloyal’ in their attitude to the war, they were kept in the camps indefinitely — although sympathy with the enemy is no crime in the United States (for white people at least) so long as it is not translated into deeds or the visible threat of deeds. ** [[Eugene V. Rostow]], "Our Worst Wartime Mistake", in ''Harper's'', vol. 191, no. 1144 (September 1945) pp. 193–201 * There were no lights, stoves, or window panes. ... We slept on army cots with our clothes on. ... The barbed wire fence which surrounded the camp was visible against the background of the snow-covered Sierra mountain range. ** [[Karl Yoneda]], on conditions at the internment camp for Japanese migrants and Japanese-Americans at Manzanar, California. ''Ganbatte: Sixty-Year Struggle of a Kibei Worker'' (UCLA, 1983) p. 126 ====1944==== * After all those years, having worked his whole life to build a dream — having it all taken away.... He died a broken man. ** Peter Ota, whose family was interned at a camp in Colorado. Reported in Studs Turkel, ''"The Good War": An Oral History of World War Two'' (New York: Pantheon Books, 1984) p. 32 * In dealing with matters relating to the prosecution and progress of a war, we must accord great respect and consideration to the judgments of the military authorities who are on the scene and who have full knowledge of the military facts. ... At the same time, however, it is essential that there be definite limits to military discretion, especially where martial law has not been declared. Individuals must not be left impoverished of their constitutional rights on plea of military necessity that has neither substance nor support. ** Supreme Court Associate Justice [[Frank Murphy]], one of three justices dissenting in ''Korematsu v. United States'', 323 U.S. 214 (1944). The Court's six-judge majority supported the interning of Japanese and Japanese-Americans. ===The War at Home: African-Americans=== *My own opinion was that blacks could best overcome racist attitudes through their achievements, even though these had to take place within the hateful environment of segregation....<br>The... war represented a golden opportunity....<br>We owned a fighter squadron — something that would have been unthinkable only a short time earlier. It was all ours.... Furthermore, we would be required to analyze our own problems and solve them with our own skills. **General [[w:Benjamin O. Davis|Benjamin O. Davis]], the first African American general in the Air Force, and commanding officer of the [[w:Tuskegee Airmen|Tuskegee Airmen]] during World War II.{{source}} *I knew I had strong feelings about the war against fascism. But, I also had strong feelings against fighting in a racially segregated army..what, I ask, is it like to be a Negro veteran? You fought, if you are a Negro veteran, to tear down the sign "No Jews Allowed" in Germany, to find in America the sign "No Negroes Allowed." You fought to wipe out the noose and the whip in Germany and Japan, to find the noose and the whip in Georgia and Louisiana...I ask you this-an honest question-why is there talk of Spain and Yugoslavia, of Palestine and Greece but no talk of Aiken County, South Carolina. **[[Ollie Harrington]] Why I Left America and Other Essays (1993) *This is a war to keep men free. The struggle to broaden and lengthen the road of freedom — our freedom — here in America — will come later. That this private, intra-American war will be carried on and won is the only real reason we Negroes have to fight. We must keep the road open....<br>The very fact that I, a Negro, can fight against the evils in America is worth fighting for. This open fighting against the wrongs one hates is the mark and the hope of democratic freedom. **From J. Saunders Redding, “A Negro Looks at This War,” ''[[The American Mercury|American Mercury]]'' (November 1942), pp. 585-592. ==Women in the War== {{unreferenced|section}} 1942 *Days and nights were an endless nightmare, until it seemed we couldn’t stand it any longer. Patients came in by the hundreds, and the doctors and nurses worked continuously under the tents amid the flies and heat and dust. We had from eight to nine hundred victims a day. *''Eunice Hatchitt, Army nurse serving on Bataan in the Philippines''. 1943 *To be doing something towards winning the war, to be making some money, to learn a trade, men and women have been pouring into the city [of Mobile, Alabama] for more than a year now. *''Observation of novelist John Dos Passos''. 1943 *I was an eager learner, and I soon became an outstanding riveter. At Rohr I worked riveting to boom doors on P-38s.... The war really created opportunities for women. It was the first time we got a chance to show that we could do a lot of things that only men had done before. *''Winona Espinosa, an aircraft worker''. 1943 *Something is happening that Adolf Hitler does not understand..... It is the miracle of production. *''Time magazine, on American industry’s production of immense numbers of planes, ships, and tanks. Actually, German military intelligence DID correctly estimate what the U.S. could manufacture, but Hitler chose to ignore the report and declared war on the U.S''. 1943 *Instead of cutting a cake, this woman is cutting a pattern of aircraft parts. Instead of baking a cake, this woman is cooking gears to reduce the tension in the gears after use. *''Narrative in a news video showing women working in an aircraft factory''. 1944 *There is nothing in the training to prepare you for the excruciating noise you get down in the ship. Any who were not heart-and-soul determined to stick it out would fade out right away.... And it isn’t only your muscles that must harden. It’s your nerve, too. *''Woman shipyard worker''. 1944 *You had better be careful how you talk to me ‘cause I have developed a big muscle in my right arm and a good strong one in my left, so take it easy, kid. *''Margaret Hooper, age 20, in a letter to a friend in the Pacific Fleet. Margaret was working as an incoming materials inspector at an aircraft plant in San Pedro, California''. 1944 *“Rosie the Riveter” *''Name of the tough, patriotic, fictional woman cartoon character made to rally women support and help during the war''. 1944 * The sirens blow, and death is in the air<br/>Still at her post the trusty Captain stands,<br/>And counts her change, and scampers up the stair,</br>As brave a sailor as the King commands. ** [[A. P. Herbert]], "Seeing It Through", London Transport poster. ''The "Captain" was a London bus conductress''. 1945. *It gave me a good start in life. I decided that if I could learn to weld like a man, I could do anything it took to make a living. *''Nova Lee Holbrook, on how her experience in war work was invaluable''. == Quotes about World War II == [[File:The British Army in the United Kingdom 1939-45 H41966.jpg|thumb|Major-General [[J. F. C. Fuller|JFC Fuller]], the man credited with developing modern [[w:Armored warfare|armored warfare]] in the 1920s, called [[failure]] to use it "the greatest [[w:Blunder|blunder]] of the whole war." He even suggested that [[British]] and [[American]] [[w:Tank divisions|tank divisions]] could have overrun [[Germany]] before the [[Russians]] – if it had been [[w:Military deployment|deployed]], that is. ~ David Hambling]] * On the eve of World War II, Japan was a thriving industrialized power of about seventy million people. The nation had become a major manufacturer of [[w:Consumer goods|consumer goods]], but, by the early 1930s, the [[military]]-dominated central government was increasingly replacing the [[w:market economy|market economy]] with features of a [[totalitarian]] [[w:Command economy|command economy]], including strong government control and planning of production. A growing sector of production was being devoted to war-related industries. Additionally, during 1934-36, the [[electric]] power and [[oil]] industries were [[w:Nationalization|nationalized]], and in 1939 rice rationing was introduced. By the end of the decade, Japan was on a war footing driven by wartime economy. ** Alan Axelrod, [https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Real_History_of_World_War_II.html?id=GqYWmUae5h8C&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button ''The Real History of World War II: A New Look at the Past''], (May 6, 2008), Sterling. pp. 138-139. * Those Americans who went to Spain to fight Franco and stave off World War II have never minded being called "premature anti-fascists." They were proud of the label. ** Alvah Bessie, ''Men in Battle: A Story of Americans in Spain'' (1939), Foreword to the 1954 reprint. * We have long memories. We have developed a relative immunity to the endless barrage of propaganda, slander and outright lies that has been laid upon us. And especially, we are immune to the Big Lie that destroyed Spain and which Hitler developed to such a point of perfection that it was necessary for millions of human beings to die to achieve the defeat of the Axis. Yet the Big Lie survives and flourishes mightily in our own country today. As it is promulgated daily, hourly and every minute of the day through every medium of communication, so it must be answered- until our own people see it for what it is and explode it in their own good time. ** [[Alvah Bessie]], ''Men in Battle: A Story of Americans in Spain'' (1939), Foreword to the 1954 reprint. : Whenever we hear it said that [[Communism]] threatens us from within and without; whenever we are told that the Soviet Union menaces our "way of life" and wants to conquer the world; whenever we are summoned to a Holy Crusade that- if it is allowed to begin- will ravish the entire earth, we recall the following simple facts of history: :Mussolini killed whatever democracy existed in Italy by claiming that Italy was threatened by Communism; :Hitler destroyed the [[w:Weimar Republic|German Republic]] with the same weapon; :[[Hideki Tōjō|Tojo]] broke the resistance of the people of Japan by using the identical thesis; :[[Francisco Franco|Franco]] murdered the [[w:Second Spanish Republic|Spanish Republic]] in the name of the "Red menace"; :The Axis launched World War II under the slogan of saving the world from Communism. :* Alvah Bessie, ''Men in Battle: A Story of Americans in Spain'' (1939), Foreword to the 1954 reprint. * To a striking degree, the way the United States conducted World War II was a consequence of [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Roosevelt’s]] own experience as the [[w:Assistant secretary of the United States Navy|assistant secretary of the Navy]] during [[World War I]]—a period that made him appreciate the benefits of overwhelming the enemy with machinery, as well as the risks of ground warfare. When he traveled to [[France]] in 1918 to tour the front lines, the battlefield disgusted him. The conditions for soldiers were too crowded, and he wrote in his diary that “the smell of dead horses” offended his “sensitive naval” nose. Instead, he fixated on logistics and material: the deployment of large naval guns, transported on land via train carriages, to batter [[Nazi Germany|German]] lines; a push for rapid advances in aircraft and bomb technology. He promoted a plan to thwart German [[w:U-boat|U-boat]] attacks by creating a minefield across the entire [[w:North Sea|North Sea]] rather than putting Allied ships at risk. (The scheme was not complete when the war ended.) Roosevelt’s work during this period also showed him the value of working closely with trusted international partners such as [[Britain]] and France. Strong alliances, he came to learn, were how modern wars were won. <br> Unlike many [[Americans]], Roosevelt did not become an [[isolationist]] after World War I. He understood that aggressive [[authoritarian]] regimes had to be stopped and believed that the U.S. could [[protect]] many of its own interests via [[machinery]] and [[alliances]]. He was so wedded to these two ideas that, during World War II, he provided Britain and the [[Soviet Union]] with massive amounts of [[aid]] without expecting any [[repayment]]. So much better, Roosevelt believed, to [[strengthen]] U.S. allies and let them do much of the [[land]] [[fighting]]. This approach led to one of his greatest [[successes]] as a [[war]] [[leader]]. ** Phillips Payson O’Brien, [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/08/president-personal-preference-defines-national-interest/679642/ “The National Interest Is What the President Says It Is”], ''The Atlantic'', (8/29/2024) * [[w:Canal Defence Light|It]] might have been the greatest lost [[weapon]] of World War II. Major-General [[J. F. C. Fuller|JFC Fuller]], the man credited with developing modern [[w:Armored warfare|armored warfare]] in the 1920s, called [[failure]] to use it "the greatest [[w:Blunder|blunder]] of the whole war." He even suggested that [[British]] and [[American]] [[w:Tank divisions|tank divisions]] could have overrun [[Germany]] before the [[Russians]] – if it had been [[w:Military deployment|deployed]], that is. ** [[J. F. C. Fuller]] as qtd. in David Hambling, [https://www.wired.com/2008/05/wwii-strobe-t-1/ "Secret Strobelight Weapons of World War II"], ''Wired'', 22 October 2012. * I was there. ** [[William D. Leahy]], ''I Was There'' (1950), p. 1 * [[w:Military history of the United States during World War II|World War II]], at least in [[w:European theatre of World War II|Europe]], may have had some [[moral]] justification, though there can be some legitimate debate as to whether the US and its freedoms were ever really threatened, and certainly many of the Americans who [[w:World War II casualties|died in that war]] saw their struggle as worthy, so that we may at least in good conscience honor their deaths. ** [[Dave Lindorff]], ''[https://www.counterpunch.org/2010/05/31/the-glorification-of-war/ The Glorification of War]'' (May 31, 2010), ''{{w|CounterPunch}}''. * Unlike [[World War One]], then, the Second War—Hitler's War—was a near-universal experience. And it lasted a long time—nearly six years for those countries ([[Britain]], [[Germany]]) that were engaged in it from beginning to end. In [[wikipedia:Czechoslovakia|Czechoslovakia]] it began earlier still, with the Nazi occupation of the [[w:Sudetenland|Sudetenland]] in October 1938. In [[w:Eastern Europe|eastern Europe]] and the [[Balkans]] it did not even end with the defeat of Hitler, since occupation (by the Soviet army) and civil war continued long after the dismemberment of Germany. ** [[Tony Judt]], ''Postwar: A History of Europe since 1945'' (2005), Chap. 1: The Legacy of War * The World War that reached its brutal end in Hiroshima and Nagasaki was fought among the wealthiest and most powerful of nations.  Their civilizations had given the world great cities and magnificent art.  Their thinkers had advanced ideas of justice and harmony and truth.  And yet, the war grew out of the same base instinct for domination or conquest that had caused conflicts among the simplest tribes; an old pattern amplified by new capabilities and without new constraints.  In the span of a few years, some 60 million people would die -- men, women, children no different than us, shot, beaten, marched, bombed, jailed, starved, gassed to death.  ** [[Barack Obama]], [https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/the-press-office/2016/05/27/remarks-president-obama-and-prime-minister-abe-japan-hiroshima-peace “Remarks by President Obama and Prime Minister Abe of Japan at Hiroshima Peace Memorial”]; Hiroshima Peace Memorial Hiroshima, Japan, (May 27, 2016) * There are many sites around the world that chronicle this war -- memorials that tell stories of courage and heroism; graves and empty camps that echo of unspeakable depravity.  Yet in the image of a mushroom cloud that rose into these skies, we are most starkly reminded of humanity’s core contradiction; how the very spark that marks us as a species -- our thoughts, our imagination, our language, our tool-making, our ability to set ourselves apart from nature and bend it to our will -- those very things also give us the capacity for unmatched destruction. ** [[Barack Obama]], [https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/the-press-office/2016/05/27/remarks-president-obama-and-prime-minister-abe-japan-hiroshima-peace “Remarks by President Obama and Prime Minister Abe of Japan at Hiroshima Peace Memorial”]; Hiroshima Peace Memorial Hiroshima, Japan, (May 27, 2016) * At the war's end, the death toll of the peoples of the [[Soviet Union]] numbered some 27 million. Twenty-seven million people were killed, murdered, bludgeoned, starved or left to die as a result of forced labour by National Socialist [[Germany]]. Fourteen million of them were civilians. No one had to mourn more victims in this war than the peoples of the then Soviet Union. And yet these millions are not as deeply etched in our collective memory as their suffering and our responsibility demand. This war was a crime – a monstrous, criminal war of aggression and annihilation. ** [[Frank-Walter Steinmeier]], [https://www.bundespraesident.de/SharedDocs/Reden/EN/Frank-Walter-Steinmeier/Reden/2021/210618-Invasion-SovietUnion.html Anniversary of Germany’s invasion of the Soviet Union] speech, (18 June 2021) === [[Ernest King]] and [[w:Walter Muir Whitehill|Walter M. Whitehill]], ''Fleet Admiral King: A Naval Record'' (1952) === * Of the 10,583,755 tons of Japanese naval and merchant vessels sunk during World War II, 9,736,068 tons were sunk by United States forces, 5,320,094 tons being accounted for by United States submarines alone. Our submarines were doing to the Japanese in the Pacific what the German U-boats were doing to Allied shipping in the Atlantic; but the industrial power of the United States was almost limitless, while that of Japan was not. Until the closing months of 1942 the German submarines continually reduced the available total of Allied tonnage, but thereafter both by the improved effectiveness of antisubmarine measures and the stupendous output of American and British shipyards, Allied shipping constantly increased. Although approximately 23,351,000 tons of Allied shipping were sunk by German U-boats between 1939 and 1945, new construction reached the total of 42,485,000 tons so that the final balance sheet in the Atlantic showed a net gain of 19,134,000 tons. Japanese losses, not being offset by comparable new construction, were in large part final. Thus as the enemy's links with his extended positions and overseas sources of logistic strength in the Pacific were being weakened by our submarines, his very hold upon those conquests was challenged by the industrial productivity of the United States. ** p. 530 * The last seven months of 1944 had witnessed incredible progress both in Europe and the Pacific. The long-awaited invasion of Normandy had taken place. The Marianas Islands were in our hands and we had returned to the Philippines, well in advance of even the most optimistic schedules. In the Battle of the Philippine Sea and the Battle for Leyte Gulf a great part of the Japanese fleet had been disposed of forever and the remainder had been made ineffective for some time to come. Although the war was still far from won, it was at least approaching its final stages on both sides of the world. ** p. 582 * To King, Leahy, Nimitz, and naval officers in general, it had always seemed that the defeat of Japan could be accomplished by sea and air power alone, without the necessity of actual invasion by the Japanese home islands by ground troops. In 1942, 1943 and 1944, while attention of most of the Allied political and military leaders was focused on Europe, and while the war in Japan was left largely to King to manage with what forces he could muster, the Pacific war had proceeded largely upon this assumption. With the approaching victory in Europe a larger amount of attention was concentrated on the Pacific by people who had not previously been too greatly concerned with the problems of that war, and an increasing amount of high-priced thought was devoted to it, some of which seemed to King not strictly pertinent. From the time of the Teheran Conference there had been the political consideration of Soviet intervention in the war against Japan, and the Army had been convinced that the use of ground troops would be necessary. Upon Marshall's insistence, which also reflected MacArthur's views, the Joint Chiefs had prepared plans for landings in Kyushu and eventually in the Tokyo plain. King and Leahy did not like the idea, but as unanimous decisions were necessary in the Joint Chiefs meetings, they reluctantly acquiesced, feeling that in the end sea power would accomplish the defeat of Japan, as proved to be the case. ** p. 598 * World War II gave King the opportunity of putting in practice another conviction. His earliest studies of the Napoleonic campaigns had indicated to him that the great weakness of the French military system of the period was that it required the detailed supervision of Napoleon. His belief that one must do the opposite, and train subordinates for independent action, had been confirmed and strengthened through his years of association with Admiral Mayo. During World War II King would jokingly maintain that he managed to keep well by "doing nothing that I can get anybody to do for me," but in all seriousness he could not have survived the four years of war without having made full use of the decentralization of authority into the hands of subordinate commanders, who were considered competent unless they proved themselves otherwise, and who were expected to think, decide, and act for themselves. Upon Nimitz in the Pacific, Edwards, Cooke and Horne in Washington, Ingersoll in the Atlantic, Stark in London, Halsey, Spruance, Kinkaid, Hewitt, Ingram and many other flag officers at sea, King relied with confidence and was not disappointed. ** p. 645 === [[James Reston|James B. Reston]], ''Prelude to Victory'' (1942) === * I wonder when I hear people scoffing at the four freedoms and wondering whether wars, after all, ever really settle anything. Do we, even now, understand the revolutionary nature of this war? Are we putting everything to the test; will it help win the war? Are we clear on the enormity of our task? Do we realize the size of the stakes? ** p. 24 * "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with inherent and inalienable Rights; that among these, are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness." Could anything be more in conflict with the fundamental philosophy of the totalitarian states? These states do not agree that there are any truths in this paragraph; they deny most vehemently and have taken up the sword to prove that all men are not created equal, but that they, the master races, have the right and duty to dictate to the lesser men of the world; they do not concede that man has any "unalienable Rights" except his right to bear arms and carry out the will of the God-state; and they deny him not only his liberty and the pursuit of happiness, but his life as well. ** pp. 24-25 * The second paragraph of the Declaration continues: "That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness." This clearly is the very antithesis of the totalitarian belief. Those governments were not instituted to secure these individual rights for their people. Neither the Nazis nor the Japanese militarists nor the Fascists of Italy derive "their just powers from the consent of the governed," and their concentration camps and common graves are full of people who even dared to suggest that the people had any right to criticize let alone to alter or abolish, the existing regimes. ** p. 25 * These are the thing we are really talking about when we speak of "our way of life"; and these are precisely the things that are at stake in this war. For the Germans have denied every [[Democracy|democratic]] and [[Christianity|Christian]] principle that has been handed down to us and preserved and developed in this great republic. The Greeks gave us the idea of intellectual liberalism, [[Plato]] the conception of reason, yet the Nazis deny their right to exist. Christ gave us the doctrine of love and mercy, but the Germans scorn [[Christ]] as a Jew and scoff at love and mercy. The French confirmed our faith in democracy with their cry of "Liberty, Equality, and Fraternity," yet the Germans dismiss this as a hypocritical slogan to be opposed, as Hitler's pal Hans von Bülow has said, by their "Prussian realities of Infantry, Cavalry, and Artillery." The Romans and British gave us our conception of the "rule of law and the sanctity of treaties," and we have known for years what the totalitarians thought of these fundamental virtues. We in the United States have given all these honorable things a worthy home and have proved to the world what can be done by heroic men whose minds are free to question and experiment, to seek truth according to their own conscience, and to listen sympathetically to the most unorthodox views. ** p. 35 * But we must understand that these are not permanent things. Democracy is no heirloom to be possessed and passed on like a Governor Winthrop desk. It is "an endowment like life that must be purchased in every generation." Sympathy and reason and true democracy can be destroyed overnight. They can be destroyed by a conqueror, as in Norway; they can be taken from us by our own selfishness, as in France. Every bureaucrat who tampers with freedom of the press, every newspaper publisher who willfully suppresses or distorts or minimizes the truth; every unreasonable citizen who nurses his own prejudices and refuses to listen sympathetically to the other fellow's point of view, is, we must clearly understand, endangering these principles for which we are fighting. Never before in the history of the republic has it been so important that we understand this fact, for in time of war these principles are often threatened at the top by a small minority of officials who would curtail our freedom to know, and at the bottom by a number of people who, even in the face of the enemy, cannot shelve their own prejudices or abandon the interests of their particular groups. ** p. 35–36 * The root of the trouble lies, I think, in the military situation. We do not like this unprecedented parade of bad news; we don't like to get shoved around all over the world; so we are complaining bitterly about almost everything. But neither do the British like it, and neither do the Russians, nor the Chinese, nor the Dutch, who have had to take a lot more than we have. Adverse criticism of our allies will not help our military situation. It does no good to complain now about Singapore; that milk has been well and truly spilt. It does even less good to meditate on King [[George III of the United Kingdom|George III]], or the last World War, or the war debts, or the unfortunate accents and manners of certain officials sent out here from Whitehall. I have not read any adverse criticism in the British press about Pearl Harbor (what would we have said if they had got caught like that at Alexandria or [[w:Gibraltar|Gibraltar]] or [[w:Scapa Flow|Scapa Flow]]?); I have heard no attacks in the House of Commons on our naval dispositions or on the size of our expeditionary forces; I have heard of very few recriminations about our failure to be ready for war despite our years of criticizing British unpreparedness. ** pp. 162–163 * Why, then, all the sniping over here? We are not doing anybody any favors in this war. This is no exercise in knight-errantry. The Russians and the British are doing just as much for us as we are doing for them. They need our weapons and what men we can send; we need their help, and we need it desperately if we are ever to win this war. If most of the people who are doing most of he complaining had their own way with our foreign policy, we might not have had any allies today, and unless we had wanted to connive with the Japs at the destruction of China, the [[w:Dutch East Indies|Netherlands Indies]], and the British Empire, we should still have been attacked at Pearl Harbor. There was only one honorable course on December 7, and we chose it; there is only one honorable course now, and that is to be helpful or to be quiet. ** p. 163 * I have heard it often- that if the conquered peoples of Europe do not like our democracy the way it is, they can go fly a kite. It is absolutely true that a great majority of us found the old life very comfortable and would like to go back to the "normality" that produced it; but... we destroyed that "normality" trying to save our lives and cannot now go back to it any more than we can turn 1943 back into 1938. Nor can we tell the conquered peoples of Europe to go fly a kite if they do not like our democracy, because we need their help and will need it desperately before the war is over, and in order to get it we shall have to remove the doubts that are in their minds. That means that the people of America must look forward and not backward. That means that we must prove that our democracy is just as efficient as the totalitarian creed of our enemies. That means that we must make democracy live up to its promises. "Most governments," said [[Abraham Lincoln]], "have been based on the denial of the equal rights of men; ours began by affirming those rights. We made the experiment, and the fruit is before us. Look at it- think of it." The democracy of Lincoln is not dead. It has not lost its revolutionary fervor. It has not lost its appeal to the men of the world. Our problem is to prove that we really believe in it. ** pp. 214–215 * A great number of people in this country do not even take the Atlantic Charter seriously. They think it is some jiggery-pokery trumped up by Roosevelt and Churchill to propagandize their meeting at sea in 1941. They do not see it for what it should be: an extension of the Rights of Man, and another logical step in the fulfillment of the purpose of this nation. The scornful conception of the Atlantic Charter and of all other attempts to state our purpose will not do. For unless the spirit of the people is behind these declarations, they will have no true value. The essence of patriotism is in believing in the principles of America. Either you believe in the equalitarian idea behind this republic or you do not. Either you believe in Lincoln's "government of the people, by the people, and for the people" or you do not. Either you believe in liberty, justice, and right, or you do not. If you do, then our appeal to the revolutionary spirit of the world will be heard, but if you do not, all the Atlantic Charters in the world will not inspire the conquered nations to fight for principles that we proclaim but do not follow. ** pp. 215-216 {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Send us more Japs! ** Attributed by media sources to [[w:James Devereux|Lieutenant Colonel James P. S. Devereaux]] during the [[w:Battle of Wake Island|Battle of Wake Island]]. Reported in Paul F. Boller, Jr., and John George, They Never Said It: A Book of Fake Quotes, Misquotes, & Misleading Attributions (1989), p. 20. Deveraux denied having made such a statement, saying "I did not send any such message. As far as I know, it wasn't sent at all. None of us was that much of a damn fool. We already had more Japs than we could handle." {{Misattributed end}} == See also == * [[Aftermath of World War II]] ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource portal}} [[Category:World War II| ]] oxeb37yl1mdpieawy6k34x0kp98sczi 3949486 3949485 2026-06-06T08:13:06Z Ficaia 3085955 /* 1942 */ 3949486 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:World War II|World War II]]''' ('''WWII''' or '''WW2'''), also known as the '''Second World War''', was a [[w:World war|global war]] that lasted from 1939 to 1945 It involved [[w:World War II by country|the vast majority of the world's countries]]—including all the [[w:great power|great power]]s—forming two opposing [[w:military alliance|military alliance]]s: the [[w:Allies of World War II|Allies]] and the [[w:Axis powers|Axis]]. In a state of [[w:total war|total war]], directly involving more than 100&nbsp;million [[w:Military personnel|personnel]] from more than 30 countries, the major participants threw their entire economic, industrial, and scientific capabilities behind the [[w:war effort|war effort]], blurring the distinction between civilian and military resources. World War&nbsp;II was the [[w:List of wars by death toll|deadliest conflict]] in human history, resulting in [[w:World War II casualties|70 to 85 million fatalities]], with more civilians than military personnel killed. Tens of millions of people died due to [[w:genocide|genocide]]s (including [[the Holocaust]]), premeditated death from [[w:starvation|starvation]], [[w:massacre|massacre]]s, and disease. [[w:Air warfare of World War II|Aircraft played a major role]] in the conflict, including in [[w:strategic bombing|strategic bombing]] of population centres, and the only uses of [[w:nuclear weapon|nuclear weapon]]s in war. ==Origins of the War== ===1933=== *''Du bist nichts; dein Volk ist alles''. ** You are nothing; your people is everything. ** [[Adolf Hitler]], in ''Reden, Schriften, Anordnungen: Februar 1925 bis Januar 1933'', p. 403 <!-- Translated in Ernest F. Griffith (ed.) ''Fascism in Action'' (Washington, D.C.: U.S. Gov. Printing Office, 1947) p. 24 --> ===1936=== * '''It is us today. It will be you tomorrow.''' ** [[Haile Selassie I]] after the end of the [[w:Second Italo-Abyssinian War|Second Italo-Abyssinian War]], as quoted in [https://web.archive.org/web/20090615032515/http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,917777,00.html?iid=chix-sphere "The Lion is Freed"], ''TIME'' magazine (8 September 1975) ===1938=== * More and more we felt that only a resolution of the European situation could save [[Spain]], if Spain was to be saved. The [[Léon Blum|Blum]] Government, at least, had recognized the importance of Spain to French security. The [[Édouard Daladier|Daladier]] outfit was hand in glove, not only with its own brand of [[Fascism|Fascists]], but with the foreign gang as well. (Class is thicker than nationality.) "Why doesn't France do something?" became a cliché. "Don't they see that if Hitler and his little pal take over Spain, France will be strangled on three fronts?" Well, either they didn't see it or they didn't care, which was more likely. The French people were with us heart and soul; they had given thousands of their best sons, millions of their money; the French people's rulers were against us. They bore no ill-will toward the Fascists; they ''were'' Fascist. ** [[Alvah Bessie]], ''Men in Battle: A Story of Americans in Spain'' (1939), p. 180 * Men went to Spain for various reasons, but behind almost every man I met there was a common restlessness, a loneliness. In action these men would fight like devils, with the desperation of an iron-bound conscience; in private conversation there was something else again. ** [[Alvah Bessie]], ''Men in Battle: A Story of Americans in Spain'' (1939), p. 181-182 * Hitler and Mussolini never could afford to withdraw their 'volunteers'- ten times as many as we had- and it could no longer be denied that the British Government was a silent partner in the Fascist Powers' attempts to strangle Spain; that we were witnessing one of the most amazing and cynical displays of hypocrisy in world history. ** [[Alvah Bessie]], ''Men in Battle: A Story of Americans in Spain'' (1939), p. 192-193 * They had started at twenty thousand feet, mixed it up till you couldn't tell what they were doing, and the scream of their propellors as they dived sounded in our ears as though they were directly overhead. Three went down in flames, one after the other, with two parachutes blooming suddenly like spring flowers in the air, and floating slowly down. You could see the men hauling on the shrouds to guide the chutes, swinging wildly from side to side like pendulums as their own planes, Fascists, dived at them and tried to machine-gun them. "The bastards!" Aaron said. "Look at them, the sons-of-bitches!" Two of our planes spiralled slowly around the descending pilots to protect them. "This is one hell of a war," Aaron said. ** [[Alvah Bessie]], ''Men in Battle: A Story of American in Spain'' (1939), p. 269 * Fog meant no airplanes, so we could relax. Yesterday they had been active all day, bombing Pinell behind us, Corbera and the road to Gandesa on our right, Mora and our lines of communication. We could see them from the hilltop, cruising slowly in formidable array and with damnable slowness over the terrain, sowing their seed up and down, back and forth over large square areas, and for hours the air was full of smoke and dust and trembling with the constant drumming of the explosive. Our 'pom-pom' guns sniped at them pitiably. This is a long, light anti-aircraft gun that was fairly effective, but we had s few that they paid no attention to them. Seventy-five planes merely sailed with exasperating ease through their sparse fire; then when ten of ours appeared they had to run a gauntlet of fire that blackened the sky for hundreds of acres. It was heart-breaking, and you could thank France for that; you could thank England and its Non-Intervention Committee; you could thank Italy and Germany, and last but not least you could thank the good old U.S.A. and its 'Neutrality' Act, that permitted the sale of American-made munitions to Italy and Germany for transhipment to Franco. ** [[Alvah Bessie]], ''Men in Battle: A Story of American in Spain'' (1939), p. 282-283 * The news from Europe was worse than ever, with England and France agreeing to the dismemberment of Czechoslovakia and presenting a 'plan' of compromise to her. This plan was cynical in the extreme: it involved outright cession of the Sudeten areas; the autonomy of other regions containing a large German population; the 'neutralization' of Czechoslovakia in the event of a major conflict between other powers, and the usual 'guarantees' of her frontiers by England, France, Germany and Italy. The murderers were guaranteeing to respect the corpse! These terms, we believed, the present Czech Government would never accept. It had an army second to none. Its people had tasted years of true democracy. It had a munitions industry that any one could well have envied (many did). And so we expected that France would respect her previous commitments, that popular indignation in both France and England would bring about the fall of their respective cabinets. We were wrong. ** [[Alvah Bessie]], ''Men in Battle: A Story of Americans in Spain'' (1939), p. 336-337 * Thus, by every device from the stick to the carrot, the emaciated Austrian donkey is made to pull the [[Nazism|Nazi]] barrow up an ever-steepening hill. ** [[Winston Churchill]], "The Rape of Austria," letter (July 6, 1938), in Churchill, ''Step by Step, 1936–1939'' (1939), p. 262. This volume is a compilation of the fortnightly letters he wrote from 1936–1939, mainly on foreign policy and defense. * Many soldiers went beyond rape to disembowel women, slice off their breasts, nail them alive to walls. Fathers were forced to rape their daughters, and sons their mothers, as other family members watched. Not only did live burials, castration, the carving of organs and the roasting of people become routine, but more diabolical tortures were practiced, such as hanging people by their tongues on iron hooks or burying people to their waists and watching them torn apart by German shepherds. So sickening was the spectacle that even Nazis in the city were horrified. ** [[w:Iris Chang|Iris Chang]], [[w:The Rape of Nanking (book)|''The Rape of Nanking'']] (1997), reviewed by Orville Schell, [https://www.nytimes.com/books/97/12/14/reviews/971214.14schellt.html "Bearing Witnes"], in ''The New York Times'' (December 14, 1997) * Peace in our time. ** [[Neville Chamberlain]], Speech at Heston Airport (30 September, 1938), [http://news.bbc.co.uk/onthisday/hi/dates/stories/september/30/newsid_3115000/3115476.stm 1938: "Peace for our time"], part of the BBC "On this day" series * I believe there is sincerity and good will on both sides. My main purpose has been to work for the pacification of Europe.... The question of Czechoslovakia is the latest and perhaps the most dangerous [problem]. Now that we have got past it I feel that it may be possible to make further progress along the road to sanity. ** Neville Chamberlain, defending his actions — including giving German-speaking areas of Czechoslovakia to Germany — at the Munich Conference (October 3, 1938); ''The New York Times'', vol. 88, no. 29473 (October 4, 1938), p. 14 * How horrible, fantastic, incredible it is that we should be digging [[w:Trench warfare|trenches]] and trying on [[w:Gas masks|gas masks]] here because of a quarrel in a far-away country between people of whom we know nothing. It seems still more impossible that a quarrel which has already been settled in principle should be the subject of war. ** Neville Chamberlain, national broadcast, [[London]] (September 27, 1938); in Chamberlain, ''In Search of Peace'' (1939), p. 174. He was prime minister at the time. * Many people, no doubt, honestly believe that they are only giving away the interests of Czechoslovakia, whereas I fear we shall find that we have deeply compromised, and perhaps fatally endangered, the safety and even the independence of Great Britain and France.... <br>I foresee and foretell that the policy of submission will carry with it restrictions upon the freedom of speech and debate in Parliament, on public platforms, and discussions in the Press. ** [[Winston Churchill]], speech in [[Parliament of the United Kingdom|Parliament]] attacking Prime Minister Chamberlain's policy of appeasing Hitler. Randolph S. Churchill (ed.) ''Into Battle'' (1941), p. 50 * What a shambles! If only our enemies knew what a mess we have made of it! [[w:Edvard Beneš|Beneš]] was a fool not to fight! ** [[w:Walter von Reichenau|Walter von Reichenau]] on October 3, 1938, in the Park Hotel in Karlsbad after the annexation of the Sudetenland territory of Czechoslovakia into Germany. As quoted by Leonard Mosley in ''On Borrowed Time: How World War II Began'' (1964), p. 78 ===1939=== * The frontier of America is on the [[Rhine]]. ** Attributed to [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]], by a member or members of the Senate Committee on Military Affairs, meeting in executive session at the [[w:White House|White House]] (January 31, 1939); in Whitney H. Shepardson and William O. Scroggs, ''The United States in World Affairs'' (1940), p. 104. Reports of this remark caused an outcry by American isolationists and in the German press, while they gave courage to the British and French. Roosevelt vehemently denied the remark, calling it a "deliberate lie" at his press conference on February 3. ''The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1939'' (1941), p. 113. Representative John A. Martin referred to this in remarks in the House during a discussion of building military airplanes: "A controversy has been raging over an alleged private remark of the President that the frontier of America is on the Rhine. Whether he said it or not, the frontier of America has been on the Rhine, and beyond. An American Army has trod the soil of Germany. The American frontier has been on the coasts of Europe, of Africa, and of Asia, when those coasts were vastly more distant from ours than they are today". ''Congressional Record'' (February 14, 1939), vol. 84, p. 1394. * It is untrue that I, or anybody else in Germany, wanted war in 1939. It was wanted and provoked exclusively by those international politicians who either came of Jewish stock, or worked for Jewish interests ... he summoned the elite of the German nation ‘to merciless opposition to the world-poisoner of all peoples. International Jewry.’ **Adolf Hitler, The Last Days of Hitler by H. R. Trevor-Roper, London, 1950, *Some recent work by [[Enrico Fermi|E. Fermi]] and [[Leó Szilárd|L. Szilard]]... leads me to expect that the element [[w:Uranium|uranium]] may be turned to a new and important source of energy in the immediate future. Certain aspects of the situation call for watchfulness and, if necessary, quick action on the part of the administration.....<br>In the course of the last four months it has been made... possible to set up a [[w:Nuclear chain reaction|nuclear chain reaction]] in a large mass of uranium, by which vast amounts of power... would be generated. Now it appears almost certain that this could be achieved in the immediate future.<br>This new phenomenon would also lead to the construction of bombs, and it is conceivable — though much less certain — that extremely powerful bombs of a new type may thus be constructed. A single bomb of this type, carried by boat and exploded in a port, might very well destroy the whole port together with some of the surrounding territory. However, such bombs might very well prove too heavy for transportation by air...<br>In view of this situation you may think it desirable to have some permanent contact maintained between the administration and the group of physicists working on chain reactions in America. **Letter dated August 2 (one month before the start of World War II) from physicist Albert Einstein to President Roosevelt, warning him of the danger that Nazi Germany could develop an atomic bomb. This led to two later developments: <br>(1) Roosevelt’s efforts to aid all countries at war with Nazi Germany, to help them defeat Germany before it could develop an atomic bomb, and <br>(2) the top-secret "Manhattan Project" in which the government did in fact work together with "the group of physicists working on chain reactions in America" to develop an atomic bomb. * There is a hush over all Europe, nay, over all the world…. Alas! it is the hush of suspense, and in many lands it is the hush of fear. Listen! No, listen carefully, I think I hear something—yes, there it was quite clear. Don't you hear it? It is the tramp of armies crunching the gravel of the paradegrounds, splashing through rain-soaked fields, the tramp of two million German soldiers and more than a million Italians—"going on maneuvers"—yes, only on maneuvers! ** [[Winston Churchill]], "A Hush over Europe", broadcast to the United States from London (August 8, 1939), in Robert Rhodes James, ed., ''Winston S. Churchill: His Complete Speeches, 1897–1963'' (1974), vol. 6, p. 6150. ==Start of the War== ===1939=== [[File:The British Army in France 1940 F2441.jpg|thumb|right|Now that we have resolved to finish it, I know that you will all play your part with calmness and courage. ~ [[Neville Chamberlain]]]] * I am speaking to you from the cabinet room of [[w:10 Downing Street|10 Downing Street]]. This morning the British Ambassador in [[Berlin]] handed the German Government a final note, stating that, unless we heard from them by 11 o'clock that they were prepared at once to withdraw their troops from [[Poland]], a state of war would exist between us. I have to tell you now that no such undertaking has been received and that consequently this country is at war with Germany. ** [[Neville Chamberlain]], Broadcast from the Cabinet Rooms at 10 Downing Street (3 September 1939) * His actions shows convincingly that there is no chance of expecting that this man will ever give up his practice of using force to gain his will. He can only be stopped by force. And we and France, are today, in fulfillment of our obligations, going to the aid of Poland who is so bravely resisting this wicked and unprovoked attack upon her people. ** Neville Chamberlain, Broadcast from the Cabinet Rooms at 10 Downing Street (3 September 1939) * The situation in which no word given by Germany's ruler could be trusted, and no people or country could feel itself safe, has become intolerable. Now that we have resolved to finish it, I know that you will all play your part with calmness and courage. ** Neville Chamberlain, Broadcast from the Cabinet Rooms at 10 Downing Street (3 September 1939) * Now may God bless you all, and may he defend the right. For it is evil things that we will be fighting against—brute force, bad faith, injustice, oppression and persecution—and against them I am certain that the right will prevail. ** Neville Chamberlain, Broadcast from the Cabinet Rooms at 10 Downing Street (3 September 1939) === 1940 === * The gratitude of every home in our Island, in our Empire, and indeed throughout the world, except in the abodes of the guilty, goes out to the British airmen who, undaunted by odds, unwearied in their constant challenge and mortal danger, are turning the tide of the World War by their prowess and by their devotion. Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few. ** [[Winston Churchill]], speech during the [[w:Battle of Britain|Battle of Britain]], [[w:House of Commons of the United Kingdom|House of Commons]] (August 20, 1940), in Robert Rhodes James, ed., ''Winston S. Churchill: His Complete Speeches, 1897–1963'' (1974), vol. 6, p. 6266. * '''We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this Island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old."''' ** [[Winston Churchill]], Speech in the House of Commons (4 June 1940); It has been noted that the most famous passage, beginning "We shall fight on the beaches" and ending "we shall never surrender," consists entirely of words derived from [[w:Old English|Old English]] (Anglo-Saxon), except for the word "[[wikt:surrender|surrender]]" — which is derived from [[w:Old French|Old French]]. * I have, myself, full confidence that if all do their duty, if nothing is neglected, and if the best arrangements are made, as they are being made, we shall prove ourselves once again able to defend our island home, to ride out the storm of war, and to outlive the menace of tyranny, if necessary for years, if necessary alone. * What [[w:Maxime Weygand|General Weygand]] called the [[w:Battle of France|Battle of France]] is over. I expect that the Battle of Britain is about to begin. Upon this battle depends the survival of Christian civilization. Upon it depends our own British life, and the long continuity of our institutions and our Empire. The whole fury and might of the enemy must very soon be turned on us. Hitler knows that he will have to break us in this Island or lose the war. If we can stand up to him, all Europe may be free and the life of the world may move forward into broad, sunlit uplands. But if we fail, then the whole world, including the United States, including all that we have known and cared for, will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age made more sinister, and perhaps more protracted, by the lights of perverted science. Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves that, if the [[British Empire]] and its [[w:Commonwealth of Nations|Commonwealth]] last for a thousand years, men will still say, "This was their finest hour." ** [[Winston Churchill]], Speech in the House of Commons (June 18, 1940) <!-- Robert Rhodes James, ed., ''Winston S. Churchill: His Complete Speeches, 1897–1963'' (1974), vol. 6, p. 6238 --> * France has lost a battle, but France has not lost the war. ** Leader of the Free French [[Charles de Gaulle]], in the [[w:Appeal of 18 June|Appeal of 18 June]] * I followed the German Army into Paris that June... and on June 19 got wind of where Hitler was going to lay down his terms for the armistice.... It was to be on the same spot where the German Empire had capitulated to France and her allies on November 11, 1918: in the little clearing in the woods of Compiègne. There the Nazi warlord would get his revenge.... Late on the afternoon of June 19 I drove out there and found German Army engineers... pulling the [railroad] car [where the war ended in 1918] out to the tracks in the center of the clearing on the exact spot, they said, where it had stood at 5 A.M. on November, 1918, when at the dictation of [[Ferdinand Foch|[French Marshal Ferdinand] Foch]] the German emissaries put their signatures to the armistice.<br>And so was that on the afternoon of June 21 I stood by the edge of the forest at Compiègne to observe the latest and greatest of Hitler’s triumphs....<br>I look at the expression in Hitler’s face. I am but fifty yards from him and see him through my glasses as though he were directly in front of me. I have seen that face many times at the great moments of his life. But today! It is afire with scorn, anger, hate, revenge, triumph. ** American war correspondent [[William L. Shirer]], in his ''The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich'' (1960). * Hitler is striking with all the terrible force at his command. His is a desperate gamble, and the stakes are nothing less than domination of the whole human race.<br>If Hitler wins in Europe — the strength of the British and French armies and navies is forever broken — the United States will find itself alone in a barbaric world — a world ruled by Nazis, with ‘spheres of influence’ assigned to their totalitarian allies. However different the dictatorships may be, racially, they all agree on one primary objective: ‘Democracy must be wiped from the face of the earth.’...<br>There is nothing shameful in our desire to stay out of war, to save our youth from the dive bombers and the flame throwing tanks in the unutterable hell of modern warfare.<br>But is there not an evidence of suicidal insanity in our failure to help those who now stand between us and the creators of this hell? ** Newspaper advertisement from the Committee to Defend America, whose ideas were identical with those of President Roosevelt. ''The New York Times'' (June 10, 1940) p. 36L * All aid to the Allies short of war. ** President Roosevelt's redefinition of neutrality. Burton K. Wheeler, extension of remarks (June 7, 1940) printed in the ''Appendix to the Congressional Record: 76th Congress, 3rd Session'', vol. 86, pt. 16 (June 6, 1940 – August 6, 1940) p. 3677 * We must be the great arsenal of democracy. ** President Roosevelt, on the need to provide weapons to the British after the Germans defeated France in May-June 1940. ''The New York Times'' (Dec. 30, 1940) p. 6L * First they were too cowardly to take part. Now they are in a hurry so they can share the spoils. ** Hitler, on the Italian declaration of war on France and Great Britain, June 10, 1940. [[Martin Gilbert]], ''The Second World War: A Complete History'' (2004) p. 90 * On this tenth day of June 1940, the hand that held the dagger, has struck it into the back of its neighbor. ** Franklin Roosevelt, on the Italian decleration of war on France and Britain, June 10, 1940. Martin Gilbert, ''The Second World War'' (2004) p. 90 * I have said this before, but I shall say it again and again: your boys are not going to be sent into any foreign wars. ** Statement by President Roosevelt during his re-election campaign. ''The New York Times'' (Oct. 31, 1940) p. 14L+ * The butchering may continue as it will, it shall remain the historical guilt of the Western powers that they did not promptly provide the sharpest preventative measures against the continued attack-politics Germany undertook. Possibilities existed for this, but no measures were seized upon. ** [[Friedrich Kellner]], German Chief Justice Inspector, diary entry of May 29, 1940.{{fix cite}} * I am American bred, </br> I have seen much to hate here—much to forgive, </br> But in a world where England is finished and dead, </br> I do not wish to live. ** [[Alice Duer Miller]], ''The White Cliffs'' (New York, 1940), last lines ===1941=== * Give us the tools, and we will finish the job. ** [[Winston Churchill]], radio broadcast, London (February 9, 1941), in Robert Rhodes James, ed., ''Winston S. Churchill: His Complete Speeches, 1897–1963'' (1974), vol. 6, p. 6350 * Our spirit of enjoyment was stronger than our spirit of sacrifice. We wanted to have more than we wanted to give. We tried to spare effort, and met disaster. ** [[Philippe Pétain]]. Attributed to him in a caption, which said, "Frenchmen … heard Marshal Pétain pronounce this requiem over a lost France". The caption accompanies an article, "Danger: Men Not at Work!" by Hatton W. Summers, ''Nation's Business'' (May 1941), p. 15 * The Lend-Lease policy, translated into legislative form, stunned a [[United States Congress|Congress]] and a nation wholly sympathetic to Great Britain. The [[Wilhelm II, German Emperor|Kaiser’s]] blank check to [[w:Austria-Hungary|Austria-Hungary]] in the First World War was a piker compared to the Roosevelt blank check of World War II. It warranted my worst fears for the future of America, and it definitely stamps the president as war-minded....<br>Never before have the American people been asked or compelled to give... so completely of their tax dollars to any foreign nation. Never before has the Congress of the United States been asked by any President to violate international law. Never before has this nation resorted to duplicity in the conduct of its foreign affairs. Never before has the United States given to one man the power to strip this nation of its defenses....<br>Approval of this legislation means war, open and complete warfare. I, therefore, ask the American people before they supinely accept it — Was the last World War worthwhile?<br>If it were, then we should lend and lease war materials. If it were, then we should lend and lease American boys. President Roosevelt has said we would be repaid by England. We will be.... Our boys will be returned — returned in caskets, maybe; returned with bodies maimed; returned with minds warped and twisted by sights of horrors and the scream and shriek of high-powered shells. ** U.S. Senator [[Burton K. Wheeler]], of Montana, opposing the [[w:Lend-Lease Act|Lend-Lease Act]]. ''Congressional Record: 77th Congress'', vol. 87, pt. 10, appx. (Jan. 21, 1941) pp. a178–a179 * I know I will be severely criticized by the interventionists in America when I say we should not enter a war unless we have a reasonable chance of winning.... We are no better prepared today than France was when the interventionists persuaded her to attack the [[w:Siegfried Line|Siegfried Line]]....<br>It is not only our right but it is our obligation as American citizens to look at this war objectively and to weigh our chances for success if we should enter it. I have attempted to do this, especially from the standpoint of aviation; and I have been forced to the conclusion that we cannot win this war for England, regardless of how much assistance we extend. ** [[Charles Lindbergh|Charles A. Lindbergh]], opposing Lend-Lease. ''Congressional Record: 77th Congress'', vol. 87, pt. 11, appx. (May 7, 1941) p. a2153 *Joint declaration of the President of United States and the Prime Minister, Mr. Churchill, representing His Majesty’s government in the United Kingdom....<br>First, their countries seek no aggrandizement, territorial or other.<br>Second, they desire to see no territorial changes that do not accord with the freely expressed wishes of the peoples concerned.<br>Third, they respect the rights of all peoples to choose the form of government under which they will live.<br>Fourth, they will endeavor, with due respect for their existing obligations, to further the enjoyment of all states, great or small, victor or vanquished, of access, on equal terms, to the trade and to the raw materials of the world.<br>Fifth, they desire to bring about the fullest collaboration between all nations in the economic field....<br>Sixth, after the final destruction of Nazi Germany, they hope to see established a peace which will afford to all nations the means of dwelling in safety within their own boundaries....<br>Seventh, such a peace should enable all men to traverse the high seas and oceans without hindrance.<br>Eighth, they believe that all of the nations of the world, for realistic as well as spiritual reasons, must come to the abandonment of the use of force.... They believe, pending the establishment of a wider and permanent system of general security, that the disarmament of such nations is essential.” ** [[w:Atlantic Charter|Atlantic Charter]], written by President Roosevelt and Prime Minister Churchill, meeting on two warships off Newfoundland in August 1941 * When I warned them [the French] that Britain would fight on alone whatever they did, their generals told their Prime Minister and his divided Cabinet, "In three weeks England will have her neck wrung like a chicken." Some chicken! Some neck! ** [[Winston Churchill]], speech to a joint session of the [[w:Parliament of Canada|Canadian Parliament]], [[w:Ottawa|Ottawa]], [[Canada]] (December 30, 1941), in Robert Rhodes James (ed.) ''Winston S. Churchill: His Complete Speeches, 1897–1963'' (1974), vol. 6, p. 6544 ==The Blitz== ===1941=== * Some of us remember [[w:The Blitz|the Blitz]] and the burning,<br/>The black-faced force in the red and the blue,<br/>[[w:St Paul's Cathedral|St Paul's]] in peril and the Hun returning,<br/>The tanks all dry and the night half through. ** British writer [[A. P. Herbert]], from a "Seeing it Through" poster by Eric Kennington (1944). The "black-faced force" was the London Fire Brigade. == The Eastern Front == === 1941 === * We have only to kick in the door and the whole rotten structure will come crashing down. ** Adolf Hitler, in conversation with Jodl, on the [[w:Operation Barbarossa|proposed invasion]] of the [[Soviet Union]]. [[Chester Wilmot]], ''The Struggle for Europe'' (New York: Harper & Bros, 1952) p. 72 * There is no doubt that the absence of a second front in Europe considerably relieves the position of the German Army, nor can there be any doubt that the appearance of a second front on the Continent of Europe—and undoubtedly this will appear in the near future—will essentially relieve the position of our armies to the detriment of the German Army. ** [[Joseph Stalin]], radio address from Moscow, Nov. 6, 1941. ''Vital Speeches of the Day'' (Dec. 1, 1941) p. 102 * Comrades, [[w:Red Army|Red Army]] and [[w:Red Navy|Red Navy]] men, commanders and political instructors, men and women guerrillas! The whole world is looking to you as a force capable of destroying the brigand hordes of German invaders. The enslaved peoples of Europe under the yoke of the German invaders are looking to you as their liberators. A great mission of liberation has fallen to your lot. Be worthy of this mission! The war you are waging is a war of liberation, a just war. ** [[Joseph Stalin]], Speech, Nov. 7, 1941. Franklin Watts (ed.) ''Voices of History: Great Speeches and Papers of the Year 1941'' (New York, 1942) pp. 481–2 * Regarding the conduct of troops towards the [[Bolsheviks|Bolshevistic]] system, vague ideas are still prevalent in many cases. The most essential aim of war against the [[w:Judeo-Bolshevism|Jewish-Bolshevistic]] system is a complete destruction of their means of power and the elimination of Asiatic influence from the European culture. In this connection the troops are facing tasks that exceed the one-sided routine of soldiering. The soldier in the Eastern territories is not merely a fighter according to the rules of the art of war but also a bearer of ruthless national ideology and the avenger of bestialities which have been inflicted upon German and racially related nations. Therefore, the soldier must have full understanding for the necessity of a severe but just revenge on subhuman Jewry. The Army has to aim at another purpose, i.e., the annihilation of revolts in the hinterland, which, as experience proves, have always been caused by Jews. ** [[Walter von Reichenau]], "Orders for Conduct in the East", issued Oct. 10, 1941. ''U.S. Office of Chief of Counsel for the Prosecution of Axis Criminality, Nazi Conspiracy and Aggression'' (Washington, D.C.: U.S. Government Princeton Office, 1946) vol. 8, pp. 585–87 ===1942=== [[File:Voennaia marka Ni shagu nazad!.jpg|thumb|{{center|1=Not a step back!}}]] * Ни шагу назад! / ''Ni shagu nazad!'' ** '''Not a step back!''' ** [[W:Order No. 227|Order No. 227]], issued by Joseph Stalin, July 1942 * What place does the possibility of a second front occupy in the Soviet estimates of the current situation? A most important place; one might say a place of first-rate importance. ** Joseph Stalin, letter to Henry C. Cassidy, representative of The [[w:Associated Press|Associated Press]] in Moscow, Oct. 4, 1942; in ''The New York Times'' (Oct. 5, 1942) p. 1 * The street is no longer measured by meters but by corpses ... [[w:Stalingrad|Stalingrad]] is no longer a town. By day it is an enormous cloud of burning, blinding smoke; it is a vast furnace lit by the reflection of the flames. And when night arrives, one of those scorching howling bleeding nights, the dogs plunge into the [[w:Volga River|Volga]] and swim desperately to gain the other bank. The nights of Stalingrad are a terror for them. Animals flee this hell; the hardest stones cannot bear it for long; only men endure. ** German officer on the [[W:Battle of Stalingrad|Battle of Stalingrad]], as quoted in [[Max Hastings]], ''Inferno: The World at War, 1939-1945'' (2012) ===1944=== * Two break-throughs, Comrade Stalin, two break-throughs. ** [[Konstantin Rokossovsky]], on the plan for [[w:Operation Bagration|Operation Bagration]].{{citation needed}} * There are two kinds of mines; one is the personnel mine and the other is the vehicular mine. When we come to a mine field our infantry attacks exactly as if it were not there. The losses we get from personnel mines we consider only equal to those we would have gotten from machine guns and artillery if the Germans had chosen to defend that particular area with strong bodies of troops instead of with mine fields. The attacking infantry does not set off the vehicular mines, so after they have penetrated to the far side of the field they form a bridgehead, after which the engineers come up and dig out channels through which our vehicles can go. ** Attributed to [[Georgy Zhukov|Georgy K. Zhukov]] in [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], ''Crusade in Europe'' (1948) pp. 467–68. Eisenhower added, "I had a vivid picture of what would happen to any American or British commander if he pursued such tactics, and I had an even more vivid picture of what the men in any one of our divisions would have had to say about the matter had we attempted to make such a practice a part of our tactical doctrine. Americans assess the cost of war in terms of human lives, the Russians in the over-all drain on the nation." == Japan Attacks Pearl Harbor (Dec. 7, 1941) == === 1927 === * In the future if we want to control [[China]], we must first crush the United States just as in the past we had to fight in the [[w:Russo-Japanese War|Russo-Japanese War]]. But in order to conquer China we must first conquer [[w:Manchuria|Manchuria]] and [[Mongolia]]. In order to conquer the world, we must first conquer China. If we succeed in conquering China the rest of the Asiatic countries and the South Sea countries will fear us and surrender to us. Then the world will realize that [[w:Eastern Asia|Eastern Asia]] is ours and will not dare to violate our rights. This is the plan left to us by [[w:Emperor Meiji|Emperor Meiji]], the success of which is essential to our national existence. ** [[w:Tanaka Memorial|Tanaka Memorial]] (July 27, 1927), the long-term strategic plan of Japanese Prime Minister [[Tanaka Giichi|Tanaka Gi-ichi]]. ''The Memorial of Premier Tanaka'' (NYC: World Peace Movement, [1941]) p. 4 === 1941 === * It has been 20 years since the Navy signed the humiliating [[w:Washington Naval Treaty|Washington Naval Treaty]]. During [that] time we have whetted our swords to stab [the] US. ** A Japanese officer. Cited in Daniel Marston (ed.) ''The Pacific War Companion'' (UK: Osprey, 2005) p. 39 *The Empire will...crush America, British, and Dutch strongholds in East Asia and the Western Pacific...and secure major resource areas and lines of communication in order to prepare a posture of long term self-sufficiency. All available methods will be exerted to lure out the main elements of the US fleet at an appropriate time to attack and destroy them. ** ''Tai Bei-Ei-Ran-Shou Senso Shumatsu Sokushin-ni Kansuru Fukuan'' (A Plan for Completion of the War Against the United States, Great Britain, the Netherlands, and Chiang Kai-Shek), action plan adopted at a meeting of the Japanese Imperial General Headquarters and the Cabinet (Nov. 1941). Daniel Marston (ed.) ''The Pacific War Companion'' (2005) p. 53 * ''Nii Taka Yama Nobore 1208.'' ** Execute the Hawaii operation on December 8 [Japanese time]. ** Message sent by Japanese Imperial Navy Headquarters to the carrier fleet approaching Pearl Harbor, Dec. 2, 1941. Daniel Marston (ed.) ''The Pacific War Companion'' (2005) p. 39 * '''''Tora! Tora! Tora!''''' ** Tiger! Tiger! Tiger! ** Signal at 0730 (local time), Dec. 7, 1941, from Commander Mitsuo Fuchida, leading the first wave of the attack, to the carrier fleet that his "tigers" succeeded in their surprise attack at Pearl Harbor. Daniel Marston (ed.) ''The Pacific War Companion'' (2005) p. 41 * '''Yesterday, December 7, 1941 — a date which will live in infamy — the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.'''<br>The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian Islands has caused severe damage to American naval and military forces. Very many American lives have been lost....<br>As commander in chief of the Army and Navy I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense.<br>Always we will remember the character of the onslaught against us. No matter how long it my take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people, in their righteous might, will win through to absolute victory. I believe I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost but will make very certain that this form of treachery shall never endanger us again....<br>With confidence in our armed forces — with the unbounded determination of our people — we will gain the inevitable triumph — so help us God.<br>I ask that the Congress declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by [[Japan]] on Sunday, December, a state of war has existed between the United States and the Japanese Empire. ** [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]], address to a joint session of Congress asking that a state of war be declared between the United States and Japan (December 8, 1941); in ''The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1941'' (1950) p. 514 * I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve. ** Attributed to Japanese admiral [[Isoroku Yamamoto]] in the motion picture ''[[Tora! Tora! Tora!]]'' (1970); Twentieth Century Fox, ''Tora, Tora, Tora; Dialogue and Cutting Continuity'' (1970) reel 18, p. 16. The screenplay was written by Gordon W. Prange, based on his unpublished material, and by Ladislas Farago, who had published ''The Broken Seal'' in 1967. The sentence is not in Farago's book, nor did it appear later in Prange's book, ''At Dawn We Slept'', published posthumously in 1981. No evidence exists that these words were Yamamoto's. However, in a letter to Ogata Taketora, dated Jan. 9, 1942, Yamamoto wrote, "A military man can scarcely pride himself on having 'smitten a sleeping enemy'; in fact, to have it pointed out is more a matter of shame". Hirosuki Asawa, ''The Reluctant Admiral'', trans. John Bester (1979) p. 285 * Both America and Britain...have aggravated the disturbances in East Asia...These two powers, inducing other countries to follow suit, increased military preparations on all sides of our Empire...They have obstructed by every means Our peaceful commerce, and finally resorted to a direct severance of economic relations...<br>Patiently We waited and long have We endured, in hope that Our Government might retrieve the situation in peace. But Our adversaries, showing not the least spirit of conciliation, have unduly delayed a settlement...Our Empire for its existence and self-defense has no other recourse but to appeal to arms and to crush every obstacle in its path. ** Japanese Emperor [[Hirohito]], stating Japan’s reasons for attacking the United States and Great Britain, Dec. 8, 1941. This is the translation introduced into evidence by the Prosecution at the Tokyo War Trial: Pritchard and Zaide, ''Transcript of the Proceedings'', 5 [PX 1240] pp. 10686–9 ==The Western Allies Fight Germany and Italy== ===1941=== * I don't see much future for the Americans&nbsp;... it's a decayed country. And they have their racial problem, and the problem of social inequalities&nbsp;... my feelings against Americanism are feelings of hatred and deep repugnance&nbsp;... everything about the behaviour of American society reveals that it's half Judaised, and the other half negrified. How can one expect a State like that to hold together? ** [[Adolf Hitler]], Statement in conversation, 7 January 1942, as quoted in ''Rise and Fall of the Third Reich'' by [[w:William L. Shirer|William L. Shirer]] p. 895, from transcripts published as ''Hitler's Secret Conversations, 1941–1944'' (1953). These should not be confused with later publications such as "Hitler's Secret Book" (1961) from transcripts of 1928, nor the widely known hoax of the ''[[w:Hitler Diaries|Hitler Diaries]]''. ===1942=== * The time has come when we must proceed with the business of carrying the war to the enemy, not permitting the greater portion of our armed forces and our valuable material to be immobilized within the continental United States. ** [[George C. Marshall]], Army chief of staff, as reported by the Washington, D.C., ''Times-Herald'' (March 3, 1942), p. 1. *Why am I fighting?<br>Not, certainly, ‘just because I was drafted’ — the cynical, easy retort of the half-believer. I was a draftee, yes — because circumstances prevented me from joining up when I should have liked. I envy and honor the boys who enlisted — the ones who, seeing their country’s need, acted upon it without waiting to be called — or compelled.<br>Not just because of Pearl Harbor. That’s an immediate reason, yes,... [b]ut Pearl Harbor, or some other harbor, would have come sooner or later; indeed, might have come too late....<br>Not to “force our ideas on the rest of the world”.... I am fighting for the right of peoples to say how they shall be governed. If they like our form of government, fine. If not, let them have another — but let the choice be theirs, not something handed down to them by a self-styled “Leader” — or a yoke laid on them by an invader....<br>For what, exactly, are we fighting?...<br>Well, it goes a long way back.<br>It goes back to the taproots of America. Back beyond the World War, with its simple slogan of fighting to make the world safe for democracy. Back beyond ‘98, when we fought to set Cuba free. Back beyond the [[American Civil War|Civil War]] when we fought to make and keep America a nation of freemen. Back beyond [[w:War of 1812|1812]], when our cry was freedom of the seas. Back even beyond the [[American Revolution|Revolution]] that saw our forefathers pledge ‘their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor’ that the colonies might be freed from the yoke of the Hanoverian king. Back to the [[w:English Bill of Rights|Bill of Rights]], back, back to the [[Magna Carta]] seven hundred years ago — that first great landmark of man’s history-long effort to be politically free.... Freedom of the individual to rule himself, to make his laws, to have his say in council, to set his course and follow his star!<br>Fine words you say; but what do they have to do with fighting a Germany whose chief concern was Europe, a Japan whose ambitions were — perhaps — only Oriental?<br>I say they have a lot to do with Japan and Germany.... Nazism dominant in Europe and Asia would result... In the emergence and ultimate dominance of the Nazi principle in American life.<br>Men (some, not all — but alas! Enough) would have looked at each other in confusion and alarm and doubt. They would have said, fearingly, ‘Democracy has failed in Europe. We thought it was the best way, but how can it be, if it is so weak? Maybe the Nazis have something. Maybe... maybe...’ So the whispers would have started....<br>That’s why I am fighting.... I’m trying to kill Fascism now, before it has a chance to eat in its ugly way at the American vitals.... I’m fighting because the world, like our own America, ‘cannot exist half slave and half free.’ I’m fighting because I think China has a right to live as a nation, not exist as a vast puppet state....<br>I’m fighting because I want to be able to look my children in the face some day and say to them that America wasn’t afraid to fight once again for an ideal, the ideals that have made America great. I love peace, but I hate war for the shocking waste of everything that it is; but even war is preferable to supine acquiescence in international murder, not merely of the body, but of the spirit. **Sgt. Henry C. Nelson, “To Be Able to Look My Children in the Face,” in ''Why I Fight'', published by the U.S. Army. *The mightiest bomber ever built. **A description of the [[B-17 Flying Fortress]], flown to England to participate in [[w:U.S. Eighth Air Force|Eighth Air Force]] bombing attacks on German industrial targets.{{source}} *I fail to detect a spirit of sacrifice in the group gyrations before Congress. Neither does it indicate that we have a spiritual grasp of our threatening fate when we sell bonds to help finance a war of survival or extermination on the promise of profitable monetary returns on the investment. I see no fundamental grasp of our predicament in anti-union employers who sabotage production committees for fear that industry will be sovietized, nor in labor union leaders who are so concerned about the competitive position of their own little groups as to examine the war with regard to how their own puny fortunes will be affected if labor unity is achieved or jurisdictional lines are eradicated.{{pbr}}I think our insufferable and materialistic pride has rendered us incapable of realizing fully that in German nazism we are fighting a monstrous thing that started out as a god-man complex, and now is fighting to the death whether that god-man complex still exists or not, in the desperate realization that nazism and the deluded fools who are backing nazism cannot survive if they do not win and exterminate their victims. ** [[Ralph Austin Bard|Ralph A. Bard]], [[w:Assistant Secretary of the Navy|United States Assistant Secretary of the Navy]], to the Industrial Union of Marine and Shipbuilding Workers of America, New York City, September 24, 1942. ''Speeches of the Day'', [https://archive.org/details/sim_vital-speeches-of-the-day_1942-10-15_9_1/page/22/mode/2up?q=%22German+nazism+we+are+fighting+a+monstrous%22 vol. 9, no. 1] (Oct. 15, 1942), pp. 21-23<!--http://www.ibiblio.org/pha/policy/1942/1942-09-24a.html--> ==== Second Battle of El Alamein (23 October – 11 November 1942) ==== [[File:DummyShermanTank.jpg|thumb|[[Winston Churchill]] stated that before Alamein, the Allies had never had a victory and that after they never had a defeat. ~ Christian House]] * [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] reportedly claimed that, "what the [[eyes]] [[see]] and the [[ears]] [[hear]], the [[mind]] [[believes]]". This could have been the motto of the [[w:Camoflage|camouflage]] [[w:Military unit|unit]] sent to the [[w:North African campaign|North African campaign]] at the height of the [[Second World War]]. In ''The Phantom Army of Alamein'', Rick Stroud has illuminated the shadowy antics of this little-[[recognised]] outfit during the [[w:Second Battle of El Alamein|battle of El Alamein]]. In doing so, he has created a fascinating study of how the most unlikely characters can become [[heroes]]. <br> Among their fold were [[w:Engraver|engravers]], [[painters]], [[w:Cartoonist|cartoonists]] and [[sculptors]], and their [[w:Commanding officer|commander]], Major [[w:Geoffrey Barkas|Geoffrey Barkas]], was an [[w:Oscars|Oscar]]-winning [[film director]]. The brief was to support the [[Army]] using a combination of [[w:Concealment|concealment]] and [[w:Embellishment|embellishment]] created with whatever came to hand. The [[Surrealist]] [[w:Roland Penrose|Roland Penrose]] [[tutored]] them, his [[lover]] [[w:Lee Miller|Lee Miller]] [[w:Modelling|posing]] [[nude]] in [[w:Camouflage|camouflage]] [[w:Cream|cream]] and [[w:Netting|netting]] as [[inspiration]]. And one of the more [[w:Grandiose|grandiose]] members was the [[w:Piccadilly|Piccadilly]] [[magician]] [[w:Jasper Maskelyne|Jasper Maskelyne]], a [[Wiktionary:Chancer|Chancer]] tasked with [[experimental]] [[w:Weapons development|developments]], who fogged his own [[reputation]] as much as any desert [[w:Convoy|convoy]]. ** Christian House, [https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/reviews/the-phantom-army-of-alamein-by-rick-stroud-8219360.html "The Phantom Army of Alamein, By Rick Stroud"], ''The Independent'', (21 October 2012). * [[w:Operation Bertram|Operation Bertram]], the section's greatest endeavour and the heart of this tale, was an act of monumental misdirection. The Alamein war zone was bookended by the sea and the Qattara Depression, leaving a small front. The unit created dummy tanks out of jeeps to go south, while, in a reverse feint, it covered real tanks with wooden cases, disguising them as trucks, each opening on top like a giant ladybird. These were sent north for the real offensive. "Hey presto!" judged Barkas. "Now you see them. Now you don't." [[w:Erwin Rommel|Rommel]] was fooled and Alamein was won. <br> [[Winston Churchill]] stated that before Alamein, the Allies had never had a victory and that after they never had a defeat. ** Christian House, [https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/reviews/the-phantom-army-of-alamein-by-rick-stroud-8219360.html "The Phantom Army of Alamein, By Rick Stroud"], ''The Independent'', (21 October 2012). ===1943=== *It is difficult to go anywhere in London without having the feeling that Britain is now Occupied Territory. **British writer [[George Orwell]].{{source}} *They’re overfed, overpaid, overdressed... and over here. **Common complaint of British people, as American troops were shipped to Britain to prepare for the invasion of German-occupied Europe.{{source}} *We are out to win the war in the quickest and most economical way. **Gen. George C. Marshall, Army Chief of Staff.{{source}} *In the magazines war seemed romantic and exciting, full of heroics and vitality.... I saw instead men... suffering and wishing they were somewhere else. **War correspondent Ernie Pyle.{{source}} *Today we are fighting in [[Italy|a country]] which was contributed a great deal to our [[cultural]] inheritance, a country rich in monuments which...illustrate the growth of the [[civilization]] which is ours. We are bound to [[respect]] those [[monuments]] so far as [[war]] allows. If we have to choose between destroying a [[famous]] [[building]] and sacrificing our own [[men]], then our men's [[lives]] count infinitely more and the building must go. But the choice is not always so clear-cut as that. Nothing can stand against the argument of [[military]] [[necessity]]. That is an accepted principle. But the phrase 'military necessity' is sometimes used where it would be more truthful to speak of military [[convenience]] or even personal convenience. I do not want it to cloak slackness or [[indifference]]. It is a [[responsibility]] of high commanders to determine through AMC Officers the locations of [[historical]] [[monuments]] whether they be immediately ahead of our front lines or in areas occupied by us. This information passed to lower echleons through normal channels places the responsibility on all commanders of complying with the spirit of this letter. **[[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], December 29, 1943 letter as qtd. in “The Law of Armed Conflict: Constraints on the Contemporary Use of Military Force”, edited by Howard M. Hensel, 2007, p. 58. ===1944=== *Shortly we will be fighting our way across the Continent of [[Europe]] in battles designed to preserve our [[civilization]]. Inevitably, in the path of our advance will be found historical monuments and cultural centers which symbolize to the world all that we are fighting to preserve. It is the [[responsibility]] of every commander to protect and respect these symbols whenever possible. In some circumstances the success of the military operation may be prejudiced in our reluctance to destroy these revered objects. Then, as at [[w:Cassino|Casssino]], where the enemy relied on our [[emotional]] attachments to shield his defense, the [[lives]] of our men are paramount. So, where military necessity dictates, commanders may order the required action even though it involves [[destruction]] to some [[honored]] site. But there are many circumstances in which damage and destruction are not necessary and cannot be [[justified]]. In such cases, through the exercise of restraint and discipline, commanders will preserve centers and objects of [[historical]] and cultural significance. Civil Affairs Staffs at higher echleons will advise commanders of the locations of historical monuments of this type both in advance of the front lines and in occupied areas. This information together with the necessary instruction, will be passe down through command channels to all echleons. **[[w:Dwight D. Eisenhower|Dwight D. Eisenhower]], May 26 1944 letter as qtd. in “The Law of Armed Conflict: Constraints on the Contemporary Use of Military Force”, edited by Howard M. Hensel, 2007, p. 58. *People of [[w:Western Europe|Western Europe]]: A landing was made this morning on the coast of France by troops of the Allied Expeditionary Force. This landing is part of the concerted United Nations plan for the liberation of Europe, made in conjunction with our great Russian allies.... I call upon those who love freedom to stand with us now. Together we shall achieve victory. **Radio address by U.S. General Dwight D. Eisenhower, the commander of allied forces, on "D-Day", the start of the Allied invasion of Nazi-occupied Europe, beginning with the landing in France on June 6. Note: “D-Day” is the term used in military planning that specifies the date that an amphibious (ship-to-shore) invasion occurs. [[File:Into the Jaws of Death 23-0455M edit.jpg|thumb|right|The free men of the world are marching together to victory. I have full confidence in your courage, devotion to duty, and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full victory. ~ [[w:Dwight D. Eisenhower|Dwight D. Eisenhower]]]] *Soldiers, Sailors and Airmen of the Allied Expeditionary Forces: You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade, toward which we have striven these many months. The eyes of the world are upon you. The hopes and prayers of liberty-loving people everywhere march with you. In company with our brave Allies and brothers-in-arms on other Fronts you will bring about the destruction of the German war machine, the elimination of Nazi tyranny over oppressed peoples of Europe, and security for ourselves in a free world.Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well equipped and battle-hardened. He will fight savagely. But this is the year 1944. Much has happened since the Nazi triumphs of 1940-41. The United Nations have inflicted upon the Germans great defeats, in open battle, man-to-man. Our air offensive has seriously reduced their strength in the air and their capacity to wage war on the ground. Our Home Fronts have given us an overwhelming superiority in weapons and munitions of war, and placed at our disposal great reserves of trained fighting men. The tide has turned. The free men of the world are marching together to victory. I have full confidence in your courage, devotion to duty, and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full victory.Good Luck! And let us all beseech the blessing of Almighty God upon this great and noble undertaking. **Speech given by Dwight D. Eisenhower to the troops on D-Day before the allied invasion. [[File:D-Day-Memorial-bronze-detail-Highsmith.jpeg|thumb|right|Boys were turned into men. Some would be very brave men; others would soon be very dead men, but any who survived would be frightened men. Some wet their pants, others cried unashamedly. Many just had to find within themselves the strength to get the job done. Discipline and training took over...~ Bob Slaughter]] *We saw the bomb explosions causing fires that illuminated clouds in the otherwise dark sky. We were twelve miles offshore as we climbed into our seat assignments on the LCAs [amphibious landing craft] and were lowered into the heavy sea from davits. The navy hadn’t begun its firing because it was still dark. We couldn’t see the armada but we knew it was there.<br>Prior to loading, friends said their so longs and good lucks.... All of us had a letter signed by the Supreme Commander, General Eisenhower, saying that we were about to embark upon a great crusade. A few of my cohorts autographed it an I carried it in my wallet throughout the war.<br>The Channel was extremely rough, and it wasn’t long before we had to help the craft’s pumps by bailing with our helmets. The cold spray blew in and soon we were soaking wet....<br>As the sky lightened, the armada became visible. The smoking and burning French shoreline also became more defined. At 0600, the huge guns of the Allied navies opened up with must have been one of the greatest artillery barrages ever.... I could see the [battleship] Texas firing broadside into the coastline.<br>Bomm-ba-ba-boom-ba-ba-boom! Within minutes, giant swells from the recoil of those guns nearly swamped us and added to the seasickness and misery. But one could also see the two-thousand-pound missiles tumbling on their targets. Twin fuselaged [[w:P-38|P-38 fighter-bombers]] were also overhead protecting us from the [[w:Luftwaffe|Luftwaffe]] [German Air Force] and giving us a false sense of security. This should be a piece of cake....<br>A few thousand yards from shore we rescued three or four survivors from a craft that had been swamped and sunk....<br>About two or three hundred yards from shore we encountered artillery fire. Near misses sent seawater skyward and then it rained back on us....<br>About 150 yards from shore, I raised my head despite the warning, ‘Keep your head down.’ I saw the boat on our right taking a terrific licking from small arms. Tracer bullets were bouncing and skipping off the ramp and sides as the enemy zeroed in on the boat which had beached a few minutes before us. Had we not delayed a few minutes to pick up the survivors of the sunken craft, we might have taken that concentration of fire.<br>Great plumes of water from enemy artillery and mortars sprouted close by. We knew then this was not going to be a walk-in. No one thought the enemy would give us this kind of opposition at the water’s edge. We expected A and B Companies to have the beach secured by the time we landed. In reality no one had set foot in our sector. The coxswain [boat driver] had missed the Vierville church steeple, our point to guide on, and the tides also helped pull us two hundred yards east.<br>The location didn’t make much difference. We could hear the ‘p-r-r-r-r, p-r-r-r-r’ of enemy machine guns to our right, towards the west. It was obvious someone was... getting chewed up where we had been supposed to come in.<br>The ramp went down while shells exploded on land and in the water. Unseen snipers were shooting down from the cliffs, but the most havoc came from automatic weapons....<br>When I did get out, I was in the water. It was very difficult to shed sixty pounds of equipment, and if one were a weak swimmer he could drown.... Many were in the water, and drowned, good swimmers or not. There were dead men floating in the water, and live men acting dead, letting the tide take them in....<br>I crouched down to chin deep in the water as shells fell at the water’s edge. Small arms fire kicked up sand. I noticed a GI running, trying to get across the beach. He was weighed down with equipment and having difficulty moving. An enemy gunner shot him. He screamed for a medic. An aidman moved quickly to help him and he was also shot. I’ll never forget seeing that medic lying next to that wounded soldier, both of them screaming. They died in minutes.<br>Boys were turned into men. Some would be very brave men; others would soon be very dead men, but any who survived would be frightened men. Some wet their pants, others cried unashamedly. Many just had to find within themselves the strength to get the job done. Discipline and training took over....<br>I took off my assault jacket and spread out my raincoat so I could clean my rifle. It was then I saw bullet holes in my jacket and raincoat. I lit my first cigarette; I had to rest and compose myself because I became weak in the knees.” **Bob Slaughter, [[w:29th Infantry Division|29th Infantry Division]], who landed on [[w:Omaha Beach|Omaha Beach]] at [[w:Normandy|Normandy]], where 3,500 Americans and 700 Germans were killed on June 6, 1944, in the battle of the beachhead.{{source}} *[The assault units] were disorganized, had suffered heavy casualties and were handicapped by losses of valuable equipment.... They were pinned down along the beach by intense enemy fire.... Personnel and equipment were being piled ashore... where congested groups afforded food targets for the enemy. **An American officer at the landing beach at Normandy, June 6, 1944.{{source}} *Sure, we all want to get home. We want to get this thing over with. But the quickest way to get it over with is to go get the bastards. The quicker they’re whipped, the quicker we go home. The shortest way home is through Berlin.{{pbr}}And there’s one thing you’ll be able to say when you get home. When you’re sitting around your fireside, with your brat on your knee, and he asks you what you did in the great World War II, you won’t have to say you shoveled shit in [[w:Louisiana|Louisiana]]. **General [[George S. Patton|George S. Patton, Jr.]], speech to his [[w:U.S. Third Army|Third Army]] before it was sent to join in the Battle of France (July 1944). *Any commander who fails to obtain his objective, and who is not dead or seriously wounded, has not done his full duty. **Gen. George S. Patton, Jr., instructions to the Third Army.{{source}} *Austin White, Chicago, Ill., 1918 and 1944. This is the last time I want to write my name here. **Inscription found near Verdun, France by a reporter for Yank magazine (a magazine for the soldiers). [http://www.oldmagazinearticles.com/pdf/YANK%20-Verdun%201944.pdf Yank Magazine] ====Battle of Monte Cassino (Jan. 17 – May 18, 1944)==== *Meantime, the French forces had crossed the Garigliano (River) and moved forward into the mountainous terrain lying south of the Liri River. It was not easy. As always, the German veterans reacted strongly and there was bitter fighting. The French surprised the enemy and quickly seized key terrain including Mounts Faito Cerasola and high ground near Castelforte. The [[w:1st Motorized Division|1st Motorized Division]] helped the 2nd Moroccan division take key Mount Girofano and then advanced rapidly north to S. Apollinare and S. Ambrogio. In spite of the stiffening enemy resistance, the 2nd Moroccan Division penetrated the Gustav Line in less than two day’s fighting. The next 48 hours on the French front were decisive. The knife-wielding Goumiers swarmed over the hills, particularly at night, and General Juin’s entire force showed an aggressiveness hour after hour that the Germans could not withstand. Cerasola, San Giogrio, Mt. D’Oro, Ausonia and Esperia were seized in one of the most brilliant and daring advances of the war in Italy, and by May 16 the French Expeditionary Corps had thrust forward some ten miles on their left flank to Mount Revole, with the remainder of their front slanting back somewhat to keep contact with the British 8th Army.<br>For this performance, which was to be a key to the success of the entire drive on Rome, I shall always be a grateful admirer of General Juin and his magnificent FEC... The 8th Army’s delay made Juin’s task more difficult, because he was moving forward so rapidly that his right flank---adjacent to the British---constantly was exposed to counter-attacks. **General [[Mark W. Clark|Mark Clark]] describes how the French Expeditionary Corps (FEC) under the command of Marechal Juin broke through the [[w:Gustav Line|Gustav Line]] in May of 1944; in Mark Wayne Clark, ''Calculated risk'' (1950), p. 348. *For me, it has been a deep source of satisfaction to see how the vital part played by the French troops of the Fifth Army throughout our Italian campaign against the common enemy has been universally acknowledged. During these long months, I have had the real privilege of seeing for myself the evidence of the outstanding calibre of the French soldiers, heirs of the noblest traditions of the [[w:French Army|French Army]]. Nevertheless, not satisfied with this, you and all your people have added a new epic chapter to the history of France; you have gladdened the hearts of your compatriots, giving them comfort and hope as they languish under the heavy and humiliating yoke of a hated invader. The energy and utter disregard for danger consistently shown by all members of the C.E.F., along with the outstanding professional skills of the French army officer, have aroused admiration in your Allies and fear in the enemy. From the banks of the Garigliano where your first successes set the tone which was to characterize the whole offensive, then pushing on to Rome through the mountains, crossing the Tiber and pursuing the enemy relentlessly to Sienna and to the hills dominating the valley of the Arno, France’s soldiers have always accomplished everything that was possible and sometimes even that which was not...With my deepest gratitude for the tremendous contribution that you have made to our joint victories, my dear General. **In a letter to Marechal Juin, General Mark Clark, paid tribute to the soldiers of the French Expeditionary Corps. — Marechal Juin, ''Mémoires'' (Fayard, 1959), p. 355 ===1945=== *The mission of this Allied Force was fulfilled at 3 a.m., local time, May 7, 1945. **Message from Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower, SCAEF (Supreme Commander, Allied Expeditionary Force) to the Combined Chiefs of Staff (the command of British and American forces), on the signing of the surrender by German delegates at Eisenhower’s headquarters at [[w:Rheims|Rheims]], France.{{fix cite}} ==The War in Europe: The Holocaust== ===1944=== *When we got off the cattle truck, they ordered, ‘Men right; women, left.’... I went with my father. My little sister, Esther, she went with my mother. Esther was only eleven. She was holding my mother’s hand. When they made a selection of the women, Esther clung to my mother. My mother wouldn’t give her up. ... They went straight to the gas chamber. ** Account of Maurice (Moritz) Vegh, in conversation with [[Martin Gilbert]], May 4, 1996. Vegh was sent to the [[Auschwitz concentration camp]] with his family at age 13, worked as a slave laborer, and was the only survivor from his family. ''The Boys: Triumph over Adversity'' (Douglas & McIntyre, 1996) p. 167 ===1945=== * I want every American unit not actually in the front lines to see this place...We are told that the American soldier does not know what he is fighting for. Now, at least, he will know what he is fighting ''against''. ** Comment of General Dwight D. Eisenhower, Supreme Allied Commander, after visiting [[w:Ohrdruf concentration camp|Ohrdruf concentration camp]], April 13, 1945. Bodies were stacked in the barracks the smell of burnt bodies came from crematoria. Charles R. Codman, ''Drive'' (Boston: Little, Brown & Co, 1957) pp. 282–3<!--Also in John Toland, ''The Last 100 Days'' (New York: Random House, 1966) p. 376--> * In another part of the camp they showed me the children, hundreds of them. Some were only 6 years old. One rolled up his sleeves, showed me his number. It was tattooed on his arm. B-6030, it was. The others showed me their numbers. They will carry them till they die...I could see their ribs through their thin shirts. ** CBS news correspondent [[Edward R. Murrow|Edward R. Morrow]], reporting from Buchenwald concentration camp, April 15<!--16-->, 1945. Transcript in ''From D-day through Victory in Europe'' (New York: CBS, 1945) pp. 168–74 * What makes this inquest significant is that these prisoners represent sinister influences that will lurk in the world long after their bodies have returned to dust. They are living symbols of racial hatreds, of terrorism and violence, and of the arrogance and cruelty of power. ** U.S. Supreme Court Justice [[Robert H. Jackson]], serving as a judge at the Nürnberg Trials of surviving Nazi leaders for war crimes and crimes against humanity. ''The New York Times'', vol. 95, no. 32,079 (Nov. 22, 1945) p. 2 * For months, for years we had one wish only: the wish that some of us would escape alive, in order to tell the world what the Nazi convict prisons were like...[T]here was the systematic...urge to use human beings as slaves and to kill them when they could work no more. ** Auschwitz survivor [[Marie-Claude Vaillant-Couturier|Marie Valliant]], in testimony at the [[w:Nuremberg trials|Nürnberg trials]], 28 January 1946. ''Trial of the Major War Criminals before the International Military Tribunal'' (1947) vol. 6, p. 228 * ''KZ Dachau — Velden — Buchenwald. Ich schäme mich, daß ich ein Deutscher bin.'' ** Concentration camps Dachau — Velden — Buchenwald. I am ashamed that I am a German. ** Painted on the wall of [[w:Feldherrnhalle|Feldherrnhalle]] in [[w:Munich|Munich]] some time after the city was captured by the Americans in 1945. Reported in [https://www.sueddeutsche.de/muenchen/muenchen-weltkriegsende-feldherrnhalle-1.4896848 "Späte Scham"], ''Süddeutsche Zeitung'' (4 May 2020) == The United States and the Commonwealth Fight Japan == ;Origins [[File:Pacific Area - The Imperial Powers 1939 - Map.svg|thumb|What Great Britain calls the {{w|Far East}} is to us the near north.]] * What Great Britain calls the {{w|Far East}} is to us the near north. ** [[Robert Menzies]], policy speech (1939), quoted in [[C. Hartley Grattan]], "An Australian–American Axis?", ''Harper's Magazine'', vol. 180 (May 1940), p. 562 * ''No foe shall gather our harvest, <br> Or sit on our stockyard rail.'' ** [[Mary Gilmore]], "[[w:No Foe Shall Gather Our Harvest|No Foe Shall Gather Our Harvest]]", st. 4, in ''The Australian Women's Weekly'' (Sydney, 29 June 1940), p. 5, with the author's note: "I'm too old to do many of the things I would like to do to win the war, but I can still write. Here is a song for the men and women of Australia." ;1941 * I know most of you here, and I have complete confidence in your ability and judgment. We've taken a whale of a wallop, but I have no doubt of the ultimate outcome. ** [[Chester W. Nimitz]], meeting with United States Pacific Fleet staff officers upon assuming command on 31 December 1941. As quoted by Ian W. Toll, ''Pacific Crucible: War at Sea in the Pacific, 1941–1942'' (2012), p. 160 * While you may have your initial success, due to timing and surprise, the time will come when you too will have your losses, but there will be this great difference. You will not only be unable to make up your losses, but will grow weaker as time grows on, while on the other hand we will not only make up our losses but will grow stronger as time goes on. It is inevitable that we will crush you before we are through with you. ** Admiral [[Harold Raynsford Stark|Harold Stark]], USN, Chief of Naval Operations, speaking to the Japanese ambassador before the war. Quoted in Louis Morton, The War in the Pacific. Strategy and Command: The First Two Years (1962) p. 125 * In the first six to twelve months of a war with the United States and Great Britain I will run wild and win victory upon victory. But then, if the war continues after that, I have no expectation of success. ** Admiral [[Isoroku Yamamoto]], planner of the attack on Pearl Harbor, to Prime Minister [[w:Fumimaro Konoe|Fumimaro Konoe]]. Quoted in Ronald Spector, ''Eagle Against the Sun: The American War With Japan'' (1985) * [[w:Banzai charge|''Tennōheika banzai!'']] (May the Emperor live ten thousand years!) ** Shout made by Imperial Japanese troops in attack. == Japan on the Offensive: The Fall of the Philippines (Dec. 1941 – May 1942)== ===1942=== *We're the battling bastards of Bataan;<br>No papa, no mama, no [[w:Uncle Sam|Uncle Sam]];<br>No aunts, no uncles, no nieces;<br>No pills, no planes, no artillery pieces....<br>And nobody gives a damn. **Sung by soldiers defending the [[w:Battle of Bataan|Bataan peninsula]], on the northwest of [[w:Manila Bay|Manila Bay]], the last major force holding out against [[w:Japanese invasion of the Philippines|Japanese invaders of the Philippines]].{{source}} *Suppose you’re a sergeant machine-gunner, and your army is retreating and the enemy advancing. The captain takes you to a machine gun covering the road. ‘You’re to stay here and hold this position,’ he tells you. ‘For how long?’ you ask. ‘Never mind,’ he answers, ‘just hold it.’ Then you know you’re expendable. In a way anything can be expendable — money or gasoline or equipment or most usually men. They are expending you and that machine gun to get time. **William L. White, They Were Expendable, his account of the fall of the Philippines to the Japanese in early 1942. *The sun beat down upon my throbbing hear.... Along the road the jungle was a misty green haze, swimming before my sweat-filled eyes.<br>The hours dragged by, and a great number of prisoners reached the end of their endurance. The drop-outs became more numerous. The fell by the hundreds in the road....<br>There was the crack of a pistol and the shot rang out across the jungle. There was another shot, and more shots, and I knew that, straggling along behind us, was a clean-up squad of Japanese, killing their helpless victims on the white dusty road.... The shots continued, goading us on. I gritted my teeth. 'Oh, God, I've got to keep going. I can’t stop. I can’t die like that'. **Sergeant Sidney Stewart, a survivor of the [[w:Bataan Death March|Bataan Death March]] of April 1942, when the Japanese sent 70,000 American and Filipino prisoners 60 miles from the Bataan Peninsula to their prison camps. About 10,000 prisoners were killed by gunshot, bayonet, or starvation during the march.{{source}} *The President of the United States ordered me to break through the Japanese lines and proceed from [[w:Corregidor|Corregidor]] to [[Australia]] for the purpose, as I understand it, of organizing the American offensive against Japan, a primary objective of which is the relief of the Philippines.<br>I came through and '''I shall return.''' **General [[Douglas MacArthur]], remarks to reporters in Australia after he had been ordered by Pres. Roosevelt to leave the fortress on the island of Corregidor in Manila Bay before it fell to the Japanese (March 30, 1942). Reported in ''Representative Speeches of General of the Army Douglas MacArthur'' (1964), p. vi; Senate Doc. 88–95. *God have mercy on us! **General MacArthur, on learning of the state of Australia’s lack of preparedness to meet an attack by the Japanese. ==Japan’s Offensive Halted: The Battle of Midway (June 1942)== ===1942=== * We knew what Nimitz was doing. He did the right thing, and we let him alone. ** [[Ernest King]], Comment on Chester Nimitz's role in the Battle of Midway in ''Time'' magazine's interview with King, Volume XL, Number 23 (December 7, 1942), p. 33 *[The [[w:Doolittle Raid|Doolittle Air Raid]] on Tokyo in April 1942] ended the debate... as to whether Midway was to be attacked. **Admiral Yamamoto, Commander, Japanese Fleet.{{source}} *There is no choice but to force a decisive fleet encounter. If we set out from here to do that and we go to the bottom of the Pacific in a double suicide, things will be peaceful on the high seas for some time. **Admiral Yamamoto to the Japanese Naval General Staff before Operation Mi, the attack on [[w:Midway Island|Midway Island]].{{source}} *Surprise was paramount because we believed that the Japanese did not know of the presence of our carriers. **Commander Joseph Worthington, Commanding Officer of the destroyer USS Benham, on the US Navy’s planning for the [[w:Battle of Midway|Battle of Midway]], which relied on the breaking of the Japanese code.{{source}} *Within five minutes all her [Japanese aircraft carrier Akagi's] planes would be launched. Five minutes! Who would have dreamed that the tide of battle would shift completely in that brief interval of time?... The first Zero fighter gathered speed and whizzed of the deck. At that instant a lookout screamed, 'Hell divers [U.S. Navy dive bombers]!' I looked up to see three black enemy planes plummeting toward our ship. Bombs! Down they came straight toward me! **Commander Mitsuo Fuchida, a Japanese officer on the Akagi, in Midway: The Battle That Doomed Japan. In the Battle of Midway (June 3-6, 1942), the U.S. Navy stopped the Japanese advance on Hawaii and sunk four of the enemy’s aircraft carriers. The U.S. forces would advance without letup in the next years of the war in the Pacific. ==Turning the Tide in the Pacific== ===1942=== * No army has ever done so much with so little. ** [[Douglas MacArthur]], as reported by ''The New York Times'' (April 11, 1942), p. 1. He referred to the fall of Bataan. * It now appears that we are unable to control the sea in the Guadalcanal area. Thus our supply of the positions will only be done at great expense to us. The situation is not hopeless, but it is certainly critical. ** Admiral [[Chester W. Nimitz|Chester A. Nimitz]], commanding U. S. Naval forces in the Guadalcanal Campaign (November 1942).<!--As quoted in Jeter A. Isely and Philip A. Crowl, ''The U.S. Marines and Amphibious War'' (Princeton UP, 1951) p. 150--> * Once Japan is destroyed as an aggressive force, we know of no other challenging power that can appear in the Pacific. ... Japan is the one enemy, and the only enemy, of the peaceful peoples whose shores overlook the Pacific Ocean. ** [[Joseph Grew|Joseph C. Grew]], address for United China Relief, Carnegie Hall, New York City (October 10, 1942); in ''The Department of State Bulletin'' (October 10, 1942), p. 798. Grew was the U.S. ambassador to Japan, 1932–1941. ===1943=== * I look upon the Guadalcanal and Tulagi operations as the turning point from offensive to defensive, and the cause of our setback there was our inability to increase our forces at the same speed as you. ** Japanese Admiral [[Osami Nagano]], Chief of Naval Staff, to American officers after the war.<!--As quoted in Francis Pike, ''Hirohito's War: The Pacific War, 1941–1945'' (2015) p. 565--> * Bataan is like a child in a family who dies. It lives in our hearts. ** [[Douglas MacArthur]], reflection on the first anniversary of the [[w:Battle of Bataan|fall of Bataan]], April 9, 1942, as reported in ''The New York Times'', April 9, 1943, p. 9, which added, "It was the first time General MacArthur had mentioned the name Bataan publicly" since the day after the fall. ==America's Amphibious Advance in the Pacific== ===1939=== * A landing on a foreign coast in the face of hostile troops has always been one of the most difficult operations of war. It has now become much more difficult , almost impossible, because of the vulnerable target which a convoy of transports offers to the defenders’ air force. Even more vulnerable is the process of disembarkation in open boats. ** British military writer Captain B. H. Liddell Hart, in ''The Defense of Britain'' (1939). ==1943-1945: Victory in the Pacific== *The outstanding achievement of this war in the field of joint undertakings was the perfection of amphibious operations, the most difficult of all operations in modern warfare. **Fleet Admiral [[Ernest King|Ernest J. King]], in The War Reports of General of the Army George C. Marshall, Chief of Staff, General of the Army H. H. Arnold, Commanding General, Army Air Forces, Fleet Admiral Ernest J. King, Commander-in-Chief, US Fleet and Chief of Naval Operations (1947). ===1944=== *[The campaign objective is to obtain] positions from which the ultimate surrender of JAPAN can be forced by intensive air bombardment , by sea and air blockade, and by invasion if necessary. **Commander in Chief Pacific Ocean Areas (Admiral Nimitz), Campaign Plan Granite (January 15, 1944).{{fix cite}} *If [[w:Saipan|Saipan]] is lost, air raids on [[w:Tokyo|Tokyo]] will take place often. **Message sent by Emperor Hirohito to encourage the Japanese forces defending Saipan.{{source}} *Our ships have been salvaged and are retiring at high speed toward the Japanese fleet. **Admiral [[William Frederick Halsey, Jr.|William F. (“Bull”) Halsey]], radio message following [[w:Propaganda in Japan during the Second Sino-Japanese War and World War II|Japanese propaganda]] broadcasts about most of his [[w:U.S. Third Fleet|Third Fleet]] had been lost on the [[w:Battle of Leyte Gulf|Battle of Leyte Gulf]] (October 1944).{{source}} * This is Blackjack himself. Your work so far has been superb. I expect even more. Keep the bastards dying! ** [[William Frederick Halsey, Jr.]] in his closing message to all hands of the U.S. Third Fleet on 31 December 1944, as quoted by Halsey himself in ''Admiral Halsey's Story'' (1947), p. 242 * People of [[Philippines|the Philippines]]: '''I have returned'''. By the grace of Almighty God, our forces stand again on Philippine soil…. The hour of your redemption is here…. Rally to me! As the lines of battle roll forward to bring you within the zone of operations, rise and strike. Strike at every favourable opportunity. For your homes and hearths, strike! For future generations of your sons and daughters, strike! In the name of your sacred dead, strike! Let no heart be faint. Let every arm be steeled. The guidance of Divine God points the way. Follow in His name to the Holy Grail of righteous victory. ** [[Douglas MacArthur]], speech to the people of the Philippines, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wv1PF0tAE1s on landing in Leyte, Philippines] (October 17, 1944). Reported in MacArthur, ''Reminiscences'' (1964), p. 216–17. ===1945=== *The Navajo [[w:Code talker|Code Talkers]] have proved to be excellent Marines, intelligent, industrious, efficient.<br>Were it not for the Navajos, the Marines would never have taken Iwo Jima. **Comments about the "Code Talkers", Navajo Indian soldiers and Marines, who communicated on radio using their native language, which could not be understood by any Japanese who were listening.{{source}} *To be avoided, and if necessary ignored, were gung-ho platoon leaders who drew enemy fire by ordering spectacular charges. Ground wasn’t gained that way; it was won by small groups of men, five or six in a cluster, who moved warily forward in a kind of autohypnosis, advancing in a mysterious concert with similar groups on their flanks. **Sgt. William Manchester, USMC, reflections on ground combat in the Battle of Okinawa, in his personal history of the Pacific War, Goodbye Darkness. *Aboard a Fast Carrier in the Forward Pacific Area, May 11 (Special-Delayed) -- Two Japanese suicide planes carrying 1,000 pounds of bombs plunged into the flight deck of Vice Admiral Marc A. Mitscher’s own flagship today,... transforming one of our greatest flat-tops (aircraft carriers) into a floating torch, with flames soaring nearly 1,000 feet into the sky.<br>For eight seemingly interminable hours that followed the ship and her crew fought as tense and terrifying a battle for survival as had ever been witnessed in the Pacific, but when dusk closed in, the ''[[w:U.S.S. Bunker Hill|U.S.S. Bunker Hill]]'' — horribly crippled and still filmed by wisps of smoke and steam from her smoldering embers — was plowing along under her own power on the distant horizon, safe. Tomorrow she will spend another eight terrible hours burying at sea men who died to save her.<br>From the deck of a neighboring carrier a few hundred yards distant I watched the Bunker Hill burn. It is hard to believe that men could survive those flames or that metal could withstand such heat.<br>One minute our task force was cruising in lazy circles about 60 miles off Okinawa without a care in the world and apparently without a thought of an enemy plane. The next the Bunker Hill was a pillar of flame. It was as quick as that — like summer lightning....<br>For the first time in a week, our own ship had secured from general quarters an hour or two before... and those men not on regular watch were permitted to relax from the deadly sixteen-hour vigil they had put in at battle stations every day since we had entered the battle area.<br>So it was on the Bunker Hill. Exhausted men not on watch were catching a catnap. Aft, on the flight deck, 34 planes were waiting to take off. Their tanks were filled to the last drop with highly volatile aviation gasoline. Their guns were loaded to the last possible round of ammunition....<br>Just appearing over the horizon were the planes returning form an early mission.... Then it was that a man aboard our ship caught the first glimpse of three enemy planes and cried a warning. But before general quarters could be sounded on this ship, and before half a dozen shots could be fired by the Bunker Hill, the first kamikaze had dropped his 550-pound bomb on the ship and plunged his plane squarely into the 34 waiting planes in a shower of burning gasoline....<br>But before a move could be made to fight the flames, another kamikaze came whining out of the clouds, straight into the deadly anti-aircraft guns of the ship....<br>Minutes later a third Jap suicider zoomed down to finish the job. Ignoring the flames and the smoke that swept around them, the men in the Bunker Hill’s gun galleries stuck to their posts.... It was a neighboring destroyer, which finally scored a direct hit on the Jap and sent him splashing harmlessly into the sea....<br>For more than an hour there was no visible abatement in the fury of the flames.... Crippled as she was she plowed ahead at top speed, and the wind that swept her decks blew the flames and smoke astern over the fantail, preventing the blaze from spreading forward on the flight deck.... Trapped on the fantail itself, men faced the flames and fought grimly on; with... no way of knowing how much of the ship remained on the other side of that fiery wall....<br>After nearly three hours of almost hopeless fighting, she had brought the fires under control, and though it was many more hours before they were completely extinguished, the battle was won and the ship was saved.<br>A goodly thick book could not record all the acts of heroism that were performed aboard that valiant ship today....<br>[A]t the cost of three pilots and three planes today the enemy killed a probable total of 392 of our men, wounded 264 others, destroyed about 70 planes and wrecked a fine and famous ship. The flight deck of that ship tonight looks like the crater of a volcano.... But the ship has not been sunk.... As it is the Bunker Hill will steam back to Bremerton Navy Yard under her own power and there will be repaired.... But within a few weeks she will be back again, sinking more ships, downing more planes, and bombing out more Japanese air fields.<br>Perhaps her next task will be to cover the invasion of Tokyo itself! **Phelps Adams, "Kamikazes: An Eyewitness Account", from ''Masterpieces of War Reporting: Great Moments of World War II'', ed. Louis Snyder (1962), pp. 487-494. The "Kamikaze" or "Divine wind" in Japanese: referred to suicide pilots who would fly their bomb-laden planes into American naval ships. The USS Bunker Hill was repaired in Bremerton, Washington and returned to the Pacific Fleet in September. The ship remained in the Navy until it was sold for scrap in 1973. ==Atomic Bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki (August 6/9, 1945)== '''1945''' *Please, for God's sake, stop sending our finest youth to be murdered in places like Iwo Jima.... Why can't objectives be accomplished some other way? **Letter written to the Secretary of the Navy.{{source}} *National Resistance Program.^{[''[[WQ:Q|Quote?]]'']} **Japanese plan for using all males, ages 15 to 60, and females, ages 17 to 40, in combat roles in the expected Allied invasion of the Japanese home islands, planned to begin with [[w:Operation Olympic|Operation Olympic]] on 1 November 1945. Postwar analysis of Japanese documents showed that "sacrificing 20 million Japanese lives" was expected. *[Japanese defenses threatened] to grow to [the] point where we attack on a ratio of one (1) to one (1) which is not a recipe for victory. **Major General [[w:Charles Willoughby|Charles Willoughby]], G-2 (chief of intelligence) on General MacArthur’s staff, on the buildup of Japanese forces in the zone of the planned Operation Olympic assault.{{source}} *When I saw a very strong light, a flash, I put my arms over my face unconsciously.... The whole city was destroyed and burning. There was no place to go. **Michiko Yamaoka, a survivor of the atomic bombing of Hiroshima (August 6, 1945).{{source}} [[File:Atomic bombing of Japan.jpg|thumb|right|The force from which the sun draws its power has been loosed against those who brought war to the Far East]] *Sixteen hours ago an American airplane dropped one bomb on Hiroshima, an important Japanese Army base. That bomb had more power than 20,000 tons of TNT....<br>With this bomb we have now added a new and revolutionary increase in destruction to supplement the growing power of our armed forces....<br>It is an atomic bomb. It is a harnessing of the basic power of the universe. The force from which the sun draws its power has been loosed against those who brought war to the Far East....<br>Having found the bomb we have used it. We have used it against those who attacked us without warning at Pearl Harbor, against those who have starved and beaten and executed American prisoners of war, against those who have abandoned all pretense of obeying international laws of warfare. We have used it in order to shorten the agony of war, in order to save the lives of thousands and thousands of young Americans.<br>We shall continue to use it until we completely destroy Japan’s power to make war. Only a Japanese surrender will stop us. **President [[Harry S Truman]], radio address to the American people, following the bombing of Hiroshima, Japan (August 6). *You think of the lives which would have been lost in an invasion of Japan’s main islands — a staggering number of Americans, but millions more of Japanese — and you thank God for the atomic bomb. **Comment of one Marine in the Pacific.{{source}} *Would it not be wondrous for this whole nation to be destroyed like a beautiful flower. **General Anami, Japanese War Minister, at a meeting of Japan’s Supreme Council for the Direction of the War (August 9, 1945).{{source}} *We of the peace party were assisted by the atomic bomb in our endeavor to end the war. **Koichi Kido, aide of Emperor Hirohito.{{source}} *[The atomic bombings were a] gift from heaven. **Mitsumasa Yonai, Japanese Navy Minister, who argued that the bombings caused the collapse of the power of leaders who favored continuing the war.{{source}} *The atomic bomb was a golden opportunity given by heaven for Japan to end the war. **Hisatsune Sakomizu, the chief cabinet secretary in 1945.{{source}} *We declared war on America and Britain out of Our sincere desire to ensure Japan's self-preservation and the stabilization of East Asia, it being far from Our thought either to infringe upon the sovereignty of other nations or to embark upon territorial aggrandisement. But now the war has lasted for nearly four years. Despite the best that has been done by everyone -- the gallant fighting of the military and naval forces, the diligence and assiduity of Our servants of the State and the devoted service of Our one hundred million people, the war situation has developed not necessarily to Japan's advantage, while the general trends of the world have all turned against her interest. Moreover, the enemy has begun to employ a new and most cruel bomb, the power of which to damage is indeed incalculable, taking the toll of many innocent lives. Should We continue to fight, it would not only result in an ultimate collapse and obliteration of the Japanese nation, but also it would lead to the total extinction of human civilization. **Surrender speech of Emperor [[Hirohito]] (August 15, 1945). This was the first occasion in which common Japanese heard the voice of their emperor.{{fix cite}} *Today the guns are silent. A great tragedy has ended. A great victory has been won. The skies no longer rain death... men everywhere walk upright in sunlight. The entire world lies quietly at peace. The holy mission has been completed. And in reporting this to you, the people, I speak for the thousands of silent lips, forever stilled among the jungles and the beaches and in the deep waters of the Pacific which marked the way....<br>As I look back on the long, tortuous trail from those grim days of Bataan and Corregidor, when an entire world lived in fear, when democracy was on the defensive everywhere, when modern civilization trembled in the balance, I thank a merciful God that He has given us the faith, the courage, and the power from which to mold victory. We have known the bitterness of defeat and the exaltation of triumph, and from both we have learned there can be no turning back. We must go forward to preserve in peace what we won in war. **General Douglas MacArthur, commander of allied forces in the Pacific, radio address on V-J Day, September 2, 1945, when Japanese representatives signed the surrender agreement on the deck of the battleship USS Missouri, in Tokyo Bay. ==Aftermath== [[File:Eternal flame ceremony 23 February 2010 07.jpg|thumb|Your name is unknown. Your deed is immortal. ~ Tomb of the Unknown Soldier (Moscow)]] [[File:World War II Memorial Pacific-Bas Reliefs Navy In Action.jpg|thumb|right|But all these agree with me in the selection of the truly heroic figure of this war. He is G.I. Joe, and his counterpart in the Air, the Navy, and the Merchant Marine of every one of the United Nations. ~ Dwight D. Eisenhower]] * '''Your name is unknown. Your deed is immortal.''' (Russian: "Имя твоё неизвестно, подвиг твой бессмертен"/Imya tvoyo neizvestno, podvig tvoy bessmerten) ** Tomb of the Unknown Soldier (Moscow). * Merely to name my principal supporters in the Canadian, French, American and British forces, is to present a picture of the utmost in efficiency, skill, loyalty, and devotion to duty. The United Nations will gratefully remember Teather, Montgomery, Spots, Bradley, Bilat, Crere and many others. <br/k> '''But all these agree with me in the selection of the truly heroic figure of this war. He is G.I. Joe, and his counterpart in the Air, the Navy, and the Merchant Marine of every one of the United Nations.''' He has braved the dangers of [[w:Battle of the Atlantic|U-Boat infested seas]]. He has surmounted charges into [[w:Invasion of Normandy|desperately defended beaches]]. He has fought his teagest patient way throught the ultimate in fortified zones. He has endured cold, hunger, fatigue. His companion has been danger, death has dogged his footsteps. He and his platoon commanders have given us an example of loyalty, devotion to duty, and indomitable courage that will live in our hearts as long as we admire those qualities in men. ** General [[Dwight D. Eisenhower|Dwight Eisenhower]], V-E Day Speech, 1945. *It would be wrong to think that the Second World War broke out accidentally, or as a result of blunders committed by certain statesmen, although blunders were certainly committed. '''As a matter of fact, the war broke out as the inevitable result of the development of world economic and political forces on the basis of present-day monopolistic [[capitalism]].''' [[Marxism|Marxists]] have more than once stated that the capitalist system of world economy contains the elements of a general crisis and military conflicts, that, in view of that, the development of world capitalism in our times does not proceed smoothly and evenly, but through crises and catastrophic wars. The point is that the uneven development of capitalist countries usually leads, in the course of time, to a sharp disturbance of the equilibrium within the world system of capitalism, and that group of capitalist countries regards itself as being less securely provides with raw materials and markets usually attempts to change the situation and to redistribute “spheres of influence” in its own favor — by employing armed force. As a result of this, the capitalist world is split into two hostile camps, and war breaks out between them. '''Perhaps catastrophic wars could be avoided if it were possible periodically to redistribute raw materials and markets among the respective countries in conformity with their economic weight by means of concerted and peaceful decisions. But this is impossible under the present capitalist conditions of world economic development.''' **[[Joseph Stalin]], [http://soviethistory.msu.edu/1947-2/cold-war/cold-war-texts/stalin-election-speech/ election speech], 1946 *'''In the Second World War every bond between man and man was to perish.''' Crimes were committed by the Germans under the Hitlerite domination to which they allowed themselves to be subjugated find no equal in scale and wickedness with any that have darkened the human record. The wholesale massacre of by systematised processes of six or seven millions of men, women, and children in the German execution camps exceeds in horror the rough-and-ready butcheries of Genghis Khan, and in scale reduces them to pygmy proportions. '''Deliberate extermination of whole populations was contemplated and pursued by both Germany and Russia in the Eastern war.''' The hideous process of bombarding open cities from the air, once started by the Germans, was repaid twenty-fold by the ever-mounting power of the Allies, and found its culmination in the use of atomic bombs which obliterated Hiroshima and Nagasaki. '''We have at length emerged from a scene of material ruin and moral havoc the like of which had never darkened the imagination of former centuries. After all that we suffered and achieved we find ourselves still confronted with problems not less but far more formidable than those which we have so narrowly made our way.''' **Winston Churchill, ''The Second World War: Volume 1: The Gathering Storm'', p. 14, 1948 * '''Well, it's all over. I wonder what I'm going to do tomorrow.''' ** Fleet Admiral [[Ernest King]], 9th Chief of Naval Operations, in a remark to Neil K. Dietrich on 14 August 1945; King had just learned that President Harry Truman was going to announce Japan's decision to surrender unconditionally to the Allied powers. As quoted by Thomas B. Buell in ''Master of Sea Power: A Biography of Fleet Admiral Ernest J. King'' (1980), p. 498 *Behind much of the current fascination with World War II lies the feeling, certainly on the Allied side, that it was the last morally unambiguous good war. German Nazis, Italian Fascists, and Japanese militarists were so clearly bad people who had to be defeated. (The fact that we were allied with one of the greatest tyrants of the [[20th century|twentieth century]] in Joseph Stalin is something to be overlooked.) The wars since have not been as clear-cut. The [[Korean War]], true, was necessary to defeat Soviet expansionism, but [[Douglas MacArthur|General MacArthur]]’s attempt to turn it into a crusade against [[Chinese Communist Party|Chinese Communism]] divided Americans among themselves and against their allies. [[Vietnam War|Vietnam]] was a catastrophe for the United States, and now the [[Iraq War|occupation of Iraq]] is looking like another. **[[Margaret MacMillan]], ''The Uses and Abuses of History'' (2008) ==War Aims and the Diplomacy of War== ===1943=== * America must choose one of three courses after this war: narrow nationalism, which inevitably means the ultimate loss of our own liberty; international imperialism, which means the sacrifice of some other nation’s liberty; or the creation of a world in which there shall be an equality of opportunity for every race and every nation. I am convinced the American people will choose, by overwhelming majority, the last of these courses. To make this choice effective, we must win not only the war but also the peace, and we must start winning it now. <br> To win this peace three things seem to me necessary — first, we must plan now for peace on a worldwide basis; second, the world must be free, politically and economically, for nations and for men, that peace may exist in it; third, America must play an active, constructive part in freeing it and keeping its peace. ... <br> This cannot be accomplished by mere declarations of our leaders, as in an Atlantic Charter. Its accomplishment depends primarily upon acceptance by the peoples of the world. ... The Four Freedoms will not be accomplished by those momentarily in power. They will become real only if the people of the world forge them into actuality. ** [[Wendell Willkie]], the 1940 Republican candidate for president, in [[w:One World (Willkie book)|''One World'']] (1943) ch. 14 * Before this year is out, it will be made known to the world — in actions rather than in words — that the Casablanca Conference produced plenty of news; and it will be bad news for the Germans and Italians — and the Japanese. ... <br> In an attempt to ward off the inevitable disaster, the Axis propagandists are trying all of their old tricks in order to divide the United Nations. They seek to create the idea that if we win this war, Russia, England, China, and the United States, are going to get into a cat-and-dog fight. ... <br>To these panicky attempts to escape the consequences to their crimes we say — all the United Nations say — that the only terms on which we shall deal with any Axis government or any Axis factions are the terms proclaimed at Casablanca: ‘Unconditional Surrender.’ In our uncompromising policy we mean no harm to the common people of the Axis nations. But we do mean to impose punishment and retribution in full upon their guilty, barbaric leaders. ** President [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Roosevelt]], after returning from the [[w:Casablanca Conference|Casablanca Conference]] with Prime Minister Churchill. Address before the White House Correspondents Association, broadcast from the annual gathering of the Association, Hotel Statler, Washington, D.C., and released by the White House for publication Feb. 12, 1943, 9:30 p.m. ''Department of State Bulletin'', vol. 8, no. 190 (Feb. 13, 1943) pp. 145–46 ===1945=== * The establishment of order in Europe and the rebuilding of national economic life must be achieved by processes which enable the liberated peoples to destroy the last vestiges of Nazism and Fascism and to create democratic institutions of their own choice. ** State Department report on the Yalta Conference, in which the Big Three met in February 1945 at a resort in southern Russia, to finalize plans to defeat Nazi Germany and to begin the reconstruction of Europe. William Appleman Williams (ed.) ''The Shaping of American Diplomacy'' (Chicago: Rand McNally & Co, 1956) p. 930 ==[[w:Cultural heritage|Cultural heritage]] protection== [[File:Ghent_altarpiece_at_Altaussee.jpg|thumb|They followed U.S. Army units into liberated town where they scoured hiding places for stolen artworks that they prepared for future [[w:Repatriation|repatriation]] and stored them in protected locations. Additionally, Monuments Men carried lists of treasures compiled by Western art experts. If a listed [[building]] or [[monument]] was damaged, they recorded the damage, supervised repair work and prevented further damage to the object of cultural property. ~ Gregory J. Ferrara]] [[File:Monuments_Men_Congressional_Gold_Medal_(reverse).jpg|thumb|They earned their name from their primary role as protectors of [[statues]], [[historic]] [[buildings]] and cultural landmarks. This was a huge task encompassing 3,415 monuments listed within a 560,000 square mile area of the [[European]] continent. ~ Gregory J. Ferrara]] * The [[specialized]] [[knowledge]] needed for delicate military operations concerning [[w:Cultural heritage|cultural heritage]] objects is most readily available from [[w:Academic institutions|academic institutions]]. [[Scholars]], [[w:Professor|professors]] and [[w:Museum|museum]] specialists are the front-line experts to consult when protecting objects of cultural heritage. These individuals can identify threatened works and know the appropriate responses for their care and preservation. Many have honed their specialized skills during long careers with their associated institutions and are valuable contacts for military planners to keep on hand. Academic institutions for this paper include [[w:College|colleges]] or [[w:University|universities]], museums, art galleries and non-profit learned societies. <br> During World War II the militaries of [[Germany]] and the [[United States]] selected individuals from this community of higher learning to staff their [[art]] protection agencies. German and American army commanders sought professionals with extensive knowledge on cultural property, how to identify it and how to handle it. Individuals with qualifications that met the demands of cultural protection were selected for service under parent army organizations. Some were assigned officer ranks in their respective militaries to further their leadership capabilities and strengthen the influence of cultural heritage protection policies in military procedure. ** Gregory J. Ferrara, [https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/2cc6/852f5804c8695caf26e06663d61d4694725f.pdf “Museum Treasures in the Fog of War: a Historical Analysis of Cultural Heritage Protection During a Time of War”], [[w:Seton Hall University|Seton Hall University]], (Spring 5-2013), p. 9. * [[American]] [[w:Academic institutions|academic institutions]] consulted with the United States federal government about vulnerable cultural sites before Americans joined the land war in [[Europe]] during World War II. Representatives of the [[w:Archaeological Institute of America|Archaeological Institute of America]], the [[w:New York Metropolitan Museum of Art|New York Metropolitan Museum of Art]], the [[w:Fogg Museum of Fine Arts of Harbard University|Fogg Museum of Fine Arts of Harbard University ]] and the [[w:National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C.|National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C.]] met as a single group with the [[w:United States State Department|U.S. State Department]] in the fall of 1942. A committee of the [[w:American Council of Learned Societies|American Council of Learned Societies]] (ACLS) further discussed the issue in January 1943. These concerned scholars approached the federal government well before [[w:Allied invasion of Sicily|American soldiers landed in Sicily during July 1943]] and [[w:Allied invasion of Normandy|Normandy during June 1944]] as part of [[w:European theatre of World War Two|European theatre]] operations. <br> These individuals realized that artworks and cultural heritage sites in occupied nations were subject to damage during the inevitable invasion of Hitler's "fortress Europe." This outreach from America's major art [[w:Museum|museums]], [[w:Art gallery|galleries]] and intellectual societies gained the attention of President [[Franklin Roosevelt]] who authorized the cooperation of academic institutions with the [[w:Joint Chiefs of Staff|Joint Chiefs of Staff]] - a composition of senior [[Army]], [[Navy]] and [[w:Army Air Corps|Army Air Corps]] leaders who advised federal departments on military matters. Roosevelt also authorized the creation of the Roberts Commission (officially titled the "American Commission for the Protection and Salvage of Artistic and Historic Monuments in War Areas") in August 1942. In response to Roosevelt's authorization of the Roberts Commission,the U.S. military created its own organization called the [[w:Monuments, Fine Arts and Archives Service| Monuments, Fine Arts and Archives Service]], (MFA&A). The famed [[w:Monuments Men|Monuments Men]] emerged from this parent organization. ** Gregory J. Ferrara, [https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/2cc6/852f5804c8695caf26e06663d61d4694725f.pdf “Museum Treasures in the Fog of War: a Historical Analysis of Cultural Heritage Protection During a Time of War”], [[w:Seton Hall University|Seton Hall University]], (Spring 5-2013), pp. 19-20. * The [[w:Monuments Men|Monuments Men]] were incorporated as a section of the [[w:Supreme Headquarters of the Allied Expeditionary Force|Supreme Headquarters of the Allied Expeditionary Force]] (SHAEF) commanded by Dwight D. Eisenhower. Eisenhower recognized that the advance of Allied troops would threaten shared [[w:cultural heritage|cultural heritage]] that belonged to all [[humanity]]. He addressed soldiers advancing on [[Rome]], saying "Today we are fighting in a country which was contributed a great deal to our cultural inheritance, a country rich in monuments which...illustrate the growth of the civilization which is ours. We are bound to respect those monuments so far as war allows." As [[w:Supreme Allied Commander|Supreme Allied Commander]], [[Eisenhower]] increased support for the mission of the Monuments Men following the destruction of the [[Italian]] cultural site as [[w:Monte Cassino|Monte Cassino]] in February 1944 and added protection of European patrimony to the list of war aims. The Monuments Men arrived in [[Europe]] following the 15 August 1944 Allied landings on the [[w:Southern France|southern coast of France]]. They followed [[w:United States Army|U.S. Army]] units into liberated towns where they scoured hiding places for [[stolen]] artworks that they prepared for future [[w:Repatriation|repatriation]] and stored them in protected locations. Additionally, Monuments Men carried lists of [[treasures]] compiled by Western art experts. If a listed building or monument was damaged, they recorded the damage, supervised repair work and prevented further damage to the object of cultural property. The Monuments Men continued operations in Europe following the end of hostilities until the MFA&A was dissolved in June 1946. ** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower|Dwight D. Eisenhower]] as qtd. in Gregory J. Ferrara, [https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/2cc6/852f5804c8695caf26e06663d61d4694725f.pdf “Museum Treasures in the Fog of War: a Historical Analysis of Cultural Heritage Protection During a Time of War”], Seton Hall University, (Spring 5-2013), p. 21-22. * The Monuments Men had a similar mission as their [[Nazi Germany|German]] counterparts in the ''Kunstschutz'' with the addition of repatriation of looted materials. Monuments Men duties included increased awareness and native population cooperation policies like those exhibited by the ''Kunstshutz'', but their four main concentrations were (1) repairing damaged monuments in Allied possession, (2) protecting monuments from damage or misuse at the hands of Allied soldiers, (3) protecting monuments in territories occupied by enemy forces from unnecessary damage and (4) recording theft by enemy forces and collecting available evidence to facilitate recovery. They earned their name from their primary role as protectors of [[statues]], [[historic]] [[buildings]] and cultural landmarks. This was a huge task encompassing 3,415 [[monuments]] listed within a 560,000 square mile area of the [[European]] [[w:Continent|continent]]. <br> This large geographic challenge required cooperation from a dutifully informed Allied chain of command. The Monuments Men increased awareness by creating several publications to disseminate among officers and [[w:U.S. Army|U.S. Army]] [[leadership]]. Monuments Men provided [[w:Army Air Corps|Army Air Corps]] and infantry artillery units with lists of art treasures that must be spared damage when possible to avoid bombing and shelling [[historic]] structures during saturation attacks. Each entry was rated with an easily understood star system according to age, preservation condition and reputation among the local or international community. Three out of three stars was the highest ranking available. ** Gregory J. Ferrara, [https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/2cc6/852f5804c8695caf26e06663d61d4694725f.pdf “Museum Treasures in the Fog of War: a Historical Analysis of Cultural Heritage Protection During a Time of War”], [[w:Seton Hall University|Seton Hall University]], (Spring 5-2013), pp. 22-23. ==Economic impact== [[File:Seizure_of_the_Zaibatsu_families_assets.JPG|thumb|After World War II and the surrender of Japan, an attempt was made to dismantle the zaibatsu. American economic advisers to presidents [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Franklin Roosevelt]] and [[Harry Truman]] were highly suspicious of [[monopolies]] and restrictive business practices, which they felt to be both inefficient and a form of [[corporatism]]. ~ Jennifer Beamer]] * From the late 1900s onward, the [[w:Zaibatsu|zaibatsu]] were instrumental in economic and industrial activity within Japan. Zaibatsu groups were made up of a central holding company, owned by a controlling family, which held the stocks of major affiliates. While this style of pyramid control was common in the West, what made the zaibatsu unique was that they held a minority interest in affiliated members and controlled them through other techniques. Dependence on banking, shipping, and trading facilities of the combine was one of these techniques, but more important was the personal loyalty of the executives to all the firms of the group. The four largest Zaibatsu had direct control over more than 30 percent of Japan's mining, chemical, and metals industries; almost 50 percent control over the machinery and equipment market; 60 percent of the commercial stock exchange; as well as a significant portion of the export merchant fleet. ** Jennifer Beamer, [https://scholarspace.manoa.hawaii.edu/bitstream/10125/32822/4/Beamer%20Zaibatsu.pdf “Japanese Zaibatsu”], ''Hawaii.edu'', (2012), p. 301 * After World War II and the surrender of Japan, an attempt was made to dismantle the zaibatsu. American economic advisers to presidents [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Franklin Roosevelt]] and [[Harry Truman]] were highly suspicious of [[monopolies]] and restrictive business practices, which they felt to be both inefficient and a form of corporatism. During the occupation only 16 zaibatsu were targeted for complete dissolution, and 26 more for reorganization. In 1946, the controlling zaibatsu families' assets were seized. holding companies were eliminated, and interlocking directorships. necessary to the old system of intercompany coordination, were outlawed. Neveretheless, complete termination of the zaibatsu was never achieved, mostly because the U.S. government reversed course in an effort to reindustrialize Japan, as a bulwark against [[Communism]] from other parts of Asia. The zaibatsu were in this case considered to be beneficial to the Japanese [[economy]] and [[government]]. The opinions of the Japanese public, however, ranged from indifferent to disapproving. ** Jennifer Beamer, [https://scholarspace.manoa.hawaii.edu/bitstream/10125/32822/4/Beamer%20Zaibatsu.pdf “Japanese Zaibatsu”], Hawaii.edu, (2012), p. 301 ==The War at Home== ;1941 * [The attack on Pearl Harbor showed] the seriousness of the challenge confronting us and our very souls became so inflamed with righteous wrath, so fired with patriotism, that our differences and divisions and hates melted into a unity never before witnessed in this country. * [[John W. Flannagan Jr.]], of Virginia, remarks in the U.S. House of Representatives (December 16, 1941); ''Congressional Record'', vol. 87, pt. 14, app. (October 9, 1941 – January 2, 1942), p. A5609 ;1942 * [[w:Loose lips sink ships|Loose lips sink ships]] ** Wartime slogan that urged people to keep quiet because spies could always be listening. * In time of this grave national danger, when all excess income should go to win the war, no American citizen ought to have a net income, after he has paid his taxes, of more than $25,000 a year. ** [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]], message to Congress (April 27, 1942); ''The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1942'' (1950), p. 221 * The need is urgent — War in the Pacific has greatly reduced our supply of vegetable fats from the Far East. It is necessary to find substitutes for them. Fat makes glycerine. And glycerine makes explosives for us and our Allies — explosives to down Axis planes, stop their tanks, and sink their ships. We need millions of pounds of glycerine and you housewives can supply it.<br>Don’t throw away a single drop of used cooking fat, meat drippings, fry fats — every kind you use. After you’ve got all the cooking good from them, pour them through a kitchen strainer into a clean, wide-mouthed can. Keep it in a cool dark place....<br>Take them to your meat dealer when you’ve saved a pound or more. He is cooperating patriotically. He will pay you for your waste fats and get them started on their way to war industries. ** Federal Government pamphlet getting civilians involved in the war effort; Stan Cohen, ''V for Victory: America's Home Front during World War II'' (Missoula, MT: Pictorial Histories, 1991), p. 111<!--"Housewives Are Urged to Save All Waste Fats", ''Kingston Daily Freeman'', vol. 71, no. 227 (July 15 1942), p. 11--> ;1943 * Dr. New Deal... [has been replaced by] Dr. Win the War.... The overwhelming first emphasis should be on winning the war. ** President Roosevelt, press conference (December 28, 1943) on the change in the priorities of the Federal Government; ''The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1943'' (1950), p. 140 * The honest-minded liberal will admit that the common man is getting a better break [now] than he did under the New Deal. ** A writer in [[w:Common Sense (American magazine)|''Common Sense'']]<!--A New Deal administrator (?)--> (September 1943); ''War and Society: The United States, 1941–1945'' (J. B. Lippincott Co., 1972), p. 93 * To harden home-front morale, the military services have adopted a new policy of letting civilians see photographically what warfare does to men who fight. ** ''Newsweek'' editors, on the War Department’s policy of letting photos of American troop casualties be shown in order to reverse the public’s overconfidence; Susan D. Moeller, ''Shooting War: Photography and the American Experience of Combat'' (New York: Basic Books, 1989), p. 241 === The War at Home: Japanese-Americans === ====1942==== * The very fact that no sabotage has taken place to date is a disturbing and confirming indication that action will be taken. ** War Department report on Japanese migrants and Japanese-Americans on the West Coast after the attack on Pearl Harbor. Quoted by Eugene V. Rostow, "Our Worst Wartime Mistake", in ''Harper's'' (September 1945) p. 196 * Despite the color of our hair and skin, despite the shape of our eyes, the U.S. was our country. I remember how my parents reminded us of that fact. Just before our family was evacuated, my father... said, "No matter what happens, this is your home." ** U.S. Secretary of Transportation [[Norman Mineta]], taken as a child to an internment camp. Reported in Robert James Maddox (ed.) ''American History'', 9th ed. (Guilford, CT: Dushkin Pub. Group, 1987) vol. 2, p. 164 * During the bleak spring of 1942, the Japanese and Japanese-Americans who lived on the West Coast of the United States were taken into custody and removed into camps in the interior. More than 100,000 men, women, and children were thus exiled and imprisoned. More than two-thirds of them were American citizens. * These people were taken into custody as a military measure on the ground that espionage and sabotage were especially to be feared from persons of Japanese blood. The whole group was removed from the West Coast because the military authorities thought it would take too long to conduct individual investigations on the spot. They were arrested without warrants and were held without indictment or a statement of charges. ... Despite the good intention of the chief relocation officers, the centers were little better than concentration camps. * If the evacuees were found ‘loyal,’ they were released only if they could find a job and a place to live, in a community where no hoodlums would come out at night to chalk-up anti-Japanese slogans, break windows, or threaten riot. If found ‘disloyal’ in their attitude to the war, they were kept in the camps indefinitely — although sympathy with the enemy is no crime in the United States (for white people at least) so long as it is not translated into deeds or the visible threat of deeds. ** [[Eugene V. Rostow]], "Our Worst Wartime Mistake", in ''Harper's'', vol. 191, no. 1144 (September 1945) pp. 193–201 * There were no lights, stoves, or window panes. ... We slept on army cots with our clothes on. ... The barbed wire fence which surrounded the camp was visible against the background of the snow-covered Sierra mountain range. ** [[Karl Yoneda]], on conditions at the internment camp for Japanese migrants and Japanese-Americans at Manzanar, California. ''Ganbatte: Sixty-Year Struggle of a Kibei Worker'' (UCLA, 1983) p. 126 ====1944==== * After all those years, having worked his whole life to build a dream — having it all taken away.... He died a broken man. ** Peter Ota, whose family was interned at a camp in Colorado. Reported in Studs Turkel, ''"The Good War": An Oral History of World War Two'' (New York: Pantheon Books, 1984) p. 32 * In dealing with matters relating to the prosecution and progress of a war, we must accord great respect and consideration to the judgments of the military authorities who are on the scene and who have full knowledge of the military facts. ... At the same time, however, it is essential that there be definite limits to military discretion, especially where martial law has not been declared. Individuals must not be left impoverished of their constitutional rights on plea of military necessity that has neither substance nor support. ** Supreme Court Associate Justice [[Frank Murphy]], one of three justices dissenting in ''Korematsu v. United States'', 323 U.S. 214 (1944). The Court's six-judge majority supported the interning of Japanese and Japanese-Americans. ===The War at Home: African-Americans=== *My own opinion was that blacks could best overcome racist attitudes through their achievements, even though these had to take place within the hateful environment of segregation....<br>The... war represented a golden opportunity....<br>We owned a fighter squadron — something that would have been unthinkable only a short time earlier. It was all ours.... Furthermore, we would be required to analyze our own problems and solve them with our own skills. **General [[w:Benjamin O. Davis|Benjamin O. Davis]], the first African American general in the Air Force, and commanding officer of the [[w:Tuskegee Airmen|Tuskegee Airmen]] during World War II.{{source}} *I knew I had strong feelings about the war against fascism. But, I also had strong feelings against fighting in a racially segregated army..what, I ask, is it like to be a Negro veteran? You fought, if you are a Negro veteran, to tear down the sign "No Jews Allowed" in Germany, to find in America the sign "No Negroes Allowed." You fought to wipe out the noose and the whip in Germany and Japan, to find the noose and the whip in Georgia and Louisiana...I ask you this-an honest question-why is there talk of Spain and Yugoslavia, of Palestine and Greece but no talk of Aiken County, South Carolina. **[[Ollie Harrington]] Why I Left America and Other Essays (1993) *This is a war to keep men free. The struggle to broaden and lengthen the road of freedom — our freedom — here in America — will come later. That this private, intra-American war will be carried on and won is the only real reason we Negroes have to fight. We must keep the road open....<br>The very fact that I, a Negro, can fight against the evils in America is worth fighting for. This open fighting against the wrongs one hates is the mark and the hope of democratic freedom. **From J. Saunders Redding, “A Negro Looks at This War,” ''[[The American Mercury|American Mercury]]'' (November 1942), pp. 585-592. ==Women in the War== {{unreferenced|section}} 1942 *Days and nights were an endless nightmare, until it seemed we couldn’t stand it any longer. Patients came in by the hundreds, and the doctors and nurses worked continuously under the tents amid the flies and heat and dust. We had from eight to nine hundred victims a day. *''Eunice Hatchitt, Army nurse serving on Bataan in the Philippines''. 1943 *To be doing something towards winning the war, to be making some money, to learn a trade, men and women have been pouring into the city [of Mobile, Alabama] for more than a year now. *''Observation of novelist John Dos Passos''. 1943 *I was an eager learner, and I soon became an outstanding riveter. At Rohr I worked riveting to boom doors on P-38s.... The war really created opportunities for women. It was the first time we got a chance to show that we could do a lot of things that only men had done before. *''Winona Espinosa, an aircraft worker''. 1943 *Something is happening that Adolf Hitler does not understand..... It is the miracle of production. *''Time magazine, on American industry’s production of immense numbers of planes, ships, and tanks. Actually, German military intelligence DID correctly estimate what the U.S. could manufacture, but Hitler chose to ignore the report and declared war on the U.S''. 1943 *Instead of cutting a cake, this woman is cutting a pattern of aircraft parts. Instead of baking a cake, this woman is cooking gears to reduce the tension in the gears after use. *''Narrative in a news video showing women working in an aircraft factory''. 1944 *There is nothing in the training to prepare you for the excruciating noise you get down in the ship. Any who were not heart-and-soul determined to stick it out would fade out right away.... And it isn’t only your muscles that must harden. It’s your nerve, too. *''Woman shipyard worker''. 1944 *You had better be careful how you talk to me ‘cause I have developed a big muscle in my right arm and a good strong one in my left, so take it easy, kid. *''Margaret Hooper, age 20, in a letter to a friend in the Pacific Fleet. Margaret was working as an incoming materials inspector at an aircraft plant in San Pedro, California''. 1944 *“Rosie the Riveter” *''Name of the tough, patriotic, fictional woman cartoon character made to rally women support and help during the war''. 1944 * The sirens blow, and death is in the air<br/>Still at her post the trusty Captain stands,<br/>And counts her change, and scampers up the stair,</br>As brave a sailor as the King commands. ** [[A. P. Herbert]], "Seeing It Through", London Transport poster. ''The "Captain" was a London bus conductress''. 1945. *It gave me a good start in life. I decided that if I could learn to weld like a man, I could do anything it took to make a living. *''Nova Lee Holbrook, on how her experience in war work was invaluable''. == Quotes about World War II == [[File:The British Army in the United Kingdom 1939-45 H41966.jpg|thumb|Major-General [[J. F. C. Fuller|JFC Fuller]], the man credited with developing modern [[w:Armored warfare|armored warfare]] in the 1920s, called [[failure]] to use it "the greatest [[w:Blunder|blunder]] of the whole war." He even suggested that [[British]] and [[American]] [[w:Tank divisions|tank divisions]] could have overrun [[Germany]] before the [[Russians]] – if it had been [[w:Military deployment|deployed]], that is. ~ David Hambling]] * On the eve of World War II, Japan was a thriving industrialized power of about seventy million people. The nation had become a major manufacturer of [[w:Consumer goods|consumer goods]], but, by the early 1930s, the [[military]]-dominated central government was increasingly replacing the [[w:market economy|market economy]] with features of a [[totalitarian]] [[w:Command economy|command economy]], including strong government control and planning of production. A growing sector of production was being devoted to war-related industries. Additionally, during 1934-36, the [[electric]] power and [[oil]] industries were [[w:Nationalization|nationalized]], and in 1939 rice rationing was introduced. By the end of the decade, Japan was on a war footing driven by wartime economy. ** Alan Axelrod, [https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Real_History_of_World_War_II.html?id=GqYWmUae5h8C&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button ''The Real History of World War II: A New Look at the Past''], (May 6, 2008), Sterling. pp. 138-139. * Those Americans who went to Spain to fight Franco and stave off World War II have never minded being called "premature anti-fascists." They were proud of the label. ** Alvah Bessie, ''Men in Battle: A Story of Americans in Spain'' (1939), Foreword to the 1954 reprint. * We have long memories. We have developed a relative immunity to the endless barrage of propaganda, slander and outright lies that has been laid upon us. And especially, we are immune to the Big Lie that destroyed Spain and which Hitler developed to such a point of perfection that it was necessary for millions of human beings to die to achieve the defeat of the Axis. Yet the Big Lie survives and flourishes mightily in our own country today. As it is promulgated daily, hourly and every minute of the day through every medium of communication, so it must be answered- until our own people see it for what it is and explode it in their own good time. ** [[Alvah Bessie]], ''Men in Battle: A Story of Americans in Spain'' (1939), Foreword to the 1954 reprint. : Whenever we hear it said that [[Communism]] threatens us from within and without; whenever we are told that the Soviet Union menaces our "way of life" and wants to conquer the world; whenever we are summoned to a Holy Crusade that- if it is allowed to begin- will ravish the entire earth, we recall the following simple facts of history: :Mussolini killed whatever democracy existed in Italy by claiming that Italy was threatened by Communism; :Hitler destroyed the [[w:Weimar Republic|German Republic]] with the same weapon; :[[Hideki Tōjō|Tojo]] broke the resistance of the people of Japan by using the identical thesis; :[[Francisco Franco|Franco]] murdered the [[w:Second Spanish Republic|Spanish Republic]] in the name of the "Red menace"; :The Axis launched World War II under the slogan of saving the world from Communism. :* Alvah Bessie, ''Men in Battle: A Story of Americans in Spain'' (1939), Foreword to the 1954 reprint. * To a striking degree, the way the United States conducted World War II was a consequence of [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Roosevelt’s]] own experience as the [[w:Assistant secretary of the United States Navy|assistant secretary of the Navy]] during [[World War I]]—a period that made him appreciate the benefits of overwhelming the enemy with machinery, as well as the risks of ground warfare. When he traveled to [[France]] in 1918 to tour the front lines, the battlefield disgusted him. The conditions for soldiers were too crowded, and he wrote in his diary that “the smell of dead horses” offended his “sensitive naval” nose. Instead, he fixated on logistics and material: the deployment of large naval guns, transported on land via train carriages, to batter [[Nazi Germany|German]] lines; a push for rapid advances in aircraft and bomb technology. He promoted a plan to thwart German [[w:U-boat|U-boat]] attacks by creating a minefield across the entire [[w:North Sea|North Sea]] rather than putting Allied ships at risk. (The scheme was not complete when the war ended.) Roosevelt’s work during this period also showed him the value of working closely with trusted international partners such as [[Britain]] and France. Strong alliances, he came to learn, were how modern wars were won. <br> Unlike many [[Americans]], Roosevelt did not become an [[isolationist]] after World War I. He understood that aggressive [[authoritarian]] regimes had to be stopped and believed that the U.S. could [[protect]] many of its own interests via [[machinery]] and [[alliances]]. He was so wedded to these two ideas that, during World War II, he provided Britain and the [[Soviet Union]] with massive amounts of [[aid]] without expecting any [[repayment]]. So much better, Roosevelt believed, to [[strengthen]] U.S. allies and let them do much of the [[land]] [[fighting]]. This approach led to one of his greatest [[successes]] as a [[war]] [[leader]]. ** Phillips Payson O’Brien, [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/08/president-personal-preference-defines-national-interest/679642/ “The National Interest Is What the President Says It Is”], ''The Atlantic'', (8/29/2024) * [[w:Canal Defence Light|It]] might have been the greatest lost [[weapon]] of World War II. Major-General [[J. F. C. Fuller|JFC Fuller]], the man credited with developing modern [[w:Armored warfare|armored warfare]] in the 1920s, called [[failure]] to use it "the greatest [[w:Blunder|blunder]] of the whole war." He even suggested that [[British]] and [[American]] [[w:Tank divisions|tank divisions]] could have overrun [[Germany]] before the [[Russians]] – if it had been [[w:Military deployment|deployed]], that is. ** [[J. F. C. Fuller]] as qtd. in David Hambling, [https://www.wired.com/2008/05/wwii-strobe-t-1/ "Secret Strobelight Weapons of World War II"], ''Wired'', 22 October 2012. * I was there. ** [[William D. Leahy]], ''I Was There'' (1950), p. 1 * [[w:Military history of the United States during World War II|World War II]], at least in [[w:European theatre of World War II|Europe]], may have had some [[moral]] justification, though there can be some legitimate debate as to whether the US and its freedoms were ever really threatened, and certainly many of the Americans who [[w:World War II casualties|died in that war]] saw their struggle as worthy, so that we may at least in good conscience honor their deaths. ** [[Dave Lindorff]], ''[https://www.counterpunch.org/2010/05/31/the-glorification-of-war/ The Glorification of War]'' (May 31, 2010), ''{{w|CounterPunch}}''. * Unlike [[World War One]], then, the Second War—Hitler's War—was a near-universal experience. And it lasted a long time—nearly six years for those countries ([[Britain]], [[Germany]]) that were engaged in it from beginning to end. In [[wikipedia:Czechoslovakia|Czechoslovakia]] it began earlier still, with the Nazi occupation of the [[w:Sudetenland|Sudetenland]] in October 1938. In [[w:Eastern Europe|eastern Europe]] and the [[Balkans]] it did not even end with the defeat of Hitler, since occupation (by the Soviet army) and civil war continued long after the dismemberment of Germany. ** [[Tony Judt]], ''Postwar: A History of Europe since 1945'' (2005), Chap. 1: The Legacy of War * The World War that reached its brutal end in Hiroshima and Nagasaki was fought among the wealthiest and most powerful of nations.  Their civilizations had given the world great cities and magnificent art.  Their thinkers had advanced ideas of justice and harmony and truth.  And yet, the war grew out of the same base instinct for domination or conquest that had caused conflicts among the simplest tribes; an old pattern amplified by new capabilities and without new constraints.  In the span of a few years, some 60 million people would die -- men, women, children no different than us, shot, beaten, marched, bombed, jailed, starved, gassed to death.  ** [[Barack Obama]], [https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/the-press-office/2016/05/27/remarks-president-obama-and-prime-minister-abe-japan-hiroshima-peace “Remarks by President Obama and Prime Minister Abe of Japan at Hiroshima Peace Memorial”]; Hiroshima Peace Memorial Hiroshima, Japan, (May 27, 2016) * There are many sites around the world that chronicle this war -- memorials that tell stories of courage and heroism; graves and empty camps that echo of unspeakable depravity.  Yet in the image of a mushroom cloud that rose into these skies, we are most starkly reminded of humanity’s core contradiction; how the very spark that marks us as a species -- our thoughts, our imagination, our language, our tool-making, our ability to set ourselves apart from nature and bend it to our will -- those very things also give us the capacity for unmatched destruction. ** [[Barack Obama]], [https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/the-press-office/2016/05/27/remarks-president-obama-and-prime-minister-abe-japan-hiroshima-peace “Remarks by President Obama and Prime Minister Abe of Japan at Hiroshima Peace Memorial”]; Hiroshima Peace Memorial Hiroshima, Japan, (May 27, 2016) * At the war's end, the death toll of the peoples of the [[Soviet Union]] numbered some 27 million. Twenty-seven million people were killed, murdered, bludgeoned, starved or left to die as a result of forced labour by National Socialist [[Germany]]. Fourteen million of them were civilians. No one had to mourn more victims in this war than the peoples of the then Soviet Union. And yet these millions are not as deeply etched in our collective memory as their suffering and our responsibility demand. This war was a crime – a monstrous, criminal war of aggression and annihilation. ** [[Frank-Walter Steinmeier]], [https://www.bundespraesident.de/SharedDocs/Reden/EN/Frank-Walter-Steinmeier/Reden/2021/210618-Invasion-SovietUnion.html Anniversary of Germany’s invasion of the Soviet Union] speech, (18 June 2021) === [[Ernest King]] and [[w:Walter Muir Whitehill|Walter M. Whitehill]], ''Fleet Admiral King: A Naval Record'' (1952) === * Of the 10,583,755 tons of Japanese naval and merchant vessels sunk during World War II, 9,736,068 tons were sunk by United States forces, 5,320,094 tons being accounted for by United States submarines alone. Our submarines were doing to the Japanese in the Pacific what the German U-boats were doing to Allied shipping in the Atlantic; but the industrial power of the United States was almost limitless, while that of Japan was not. Until the closing months of 1942 the German submarines continually reduced the available total of Allied tonnage, but thereafter both by the improved effectiveness of antisubmarine measures and the stupendous output of American and British shipyards, Allied shipping constantly increased. Although approximately 23,351,000 tons of Allied shipping were sunk by German U-boats between 1939 and 1945, new construction reached the total of 42,485,000 tons so that the final balance sheet in the Atlantic showed a net gain of 19,134,000 tons. Japanese losses, not being offset by comparable new construction, were in large part final. Thus as the enemy's links with his extended positions and overseas sources of logistic strength in the Pacific were being weakened by our submarines, his very hold upon those conquests was challenged by the industrial productivity of the United States. ** p. 530 * The last seven months of 1944 had witnessed incredible progress both in Europe and the Pacific. The long-awaited invasion of Normandy had taken place. The Marianas Islands were in our hands and we had returned to the Philippines, well in advance of even the most optimistic schedules. In the Battle of the Philippine Sea and the Battle for Leyte Gulf a great part of the Japanese fleet had been disposed of forever and the remainder had been made ineffective for some time to come. Although the war was still far from won, it was at least approaching its final stages on both sides of the world. ** p. 582 * To King, Leahy, Nimitz, and naval officers in general, it had always seemed that the defeat of Japan could be accomplished by sea and air power alone, without the necessity of actual invasion by the Japanese home islands by ground troops. In 1942, 1943 and 1944, while attention of most of the Allied political and military leaders was focused on Europe, and while the war in Japan was left largely to King to manage with what forces he could muster, the Pacific war had proceeded largely upon this assumption. With the approaching victory in Europe a larger amount of attention was concentrated on the Pacific by people who had not previously been too greatly concerned with the problems of that war, and an increasing amount of high-priced thought was devoted to it, some of which seemed to King not strictly pertinent. From the time of the Teheran Conference there had been the political consideration of Soviet intervention in the war against Japan, and the Army had been convinced that the use of ground troops would be necessary. Upon Marshall's insistence, which also reflected MacArthur's views, the Joint Chiefs had prepared plans for landings in Kyushu and eventually in the Tokyo plain. King and Leahy did not like the idea, but as unanimous decisions were necessary in the Joint Chiefs meetings, they reluctantly acquiesced, feeling that in the end sea power would accomplish the defeat of Japan, as proved to be the case. ** p. 598 * World War II gave King the opportunity of putting in practice another conviction. His earliest studies of the Napoleonic campaigns had indicated to him that the great weakness of the French military system of the period was that it required the detailed supervision of Napoleon. His belief that one must do the opposite, and train subordinates for independent action, had been confirmed and strengthened through his years of association with Admiral Mayo. During World War II King would jokingly maintain that he managed to keep well by "doing nothing that I can get anybody to do for me," but in all seriousness he could not have survived the four years of war without having made full use of the decentralization of authority into the hands of subordinate commanders, who were considered competent unless they proved themselves otherwise, and who were expected to think, decide, and act for themselves. Upon Nimitz in the Pacific, Edwards, Cooke and Horne in Washington, Ingersoll in the Atlantic, Stark in London, Halsey, Spruance, Kinkaid, Hewitt, Ingram and many other flag officers at sea, King relied with confidence and was not disappointed. ** p. 645 === [[James Reston|James B. Reston]], ''Prelude to Victory'' (1942) === * I wonder when I hear people scoffing at the four freedoms and wondering whether wars, after all, ever really settle anything. Do we, even now, understand the revolutionary nature of this war? Are we putting everything to the test; will it help win the war? Are we clear on the enormity of our task? Do we realize the size of the stakes? ** p. 24 * "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with inherent and inalienable Rights; that among these, are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness." Could anything be more in conflict with the fundamental philosophy of the totalitarian states? These states do not agree that there are any truths in this paragraph; they deny most vehemently and have taken up the sword to prove that all men are not created equal, but that they, the master races, have the right and duty to dictate to the lesser men of the world; they do not concede that man has any "unalienable Rights" except his right to bear arms and carry out the will of the God-state; and they deny him not only his liberty and the pursuit of happiness, but his life as well. ** pp. 24-25 * The second paragraph of the Declaration continues: "That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness." This clearly is the very antithesis of the totalitarian belief. Those governments were not instituted to secure these individual rights for their people. Neither the Nazis nor the Japanese militarists nor the Fascists of Italy derive "their just powers from the consent of the governed," and their concentration camps and common graves are full of people who even dared to suggest that the people had any right to criticize let alone to alter or abolish, the existing regimes. ** p. 25 * These are the thing we are really talking about when we speak of "our way of life"; and these are precisely the things that are at stake in this war. For the Germans have denied every [[Democracy|democratic]] and [[Christianity|Christian]] principle that has been handed down to us and preserved and developed in this great republic. The Greeks gave us the idea of intellectual liberalism, [[Plato]] the conception of reason, yet the Nazis deny their right to exist. Christ gave us the doctrine of love and mercy, but the Germans scorn [[Christ]] as a Jew and scoff at love and mercy. The French confirmed our faith in democracy with their cry of "Liberty, Equality, and Fraternity," yet the Germans dismiss this as a hypocritical slogan to be opposed, as Hitler's pal Hans von Bülow has said, by their "Prussian realities of Infantry, Cavalry, and Artillery." The Romans and British gave us our conception of the "rule of law and the sanctity of treaties," and we have known for years what the totalitarians thought of these fundamental virtues. We in the United States have given all these honorable things a worthy home and have proved to the world what can be done by heroic men whose minds are free to question and experiment, to seek truth according to their own conscience, and to listen sympathetically to the most unorthodox views. ** p. 35 * But we must understand that these are not permanent things. Democracy is no heirloom to be possessed and passed on like a Governor Winthrop desk. It is "an endowment like life that must be purchased in every generation." Sympathy and reason and true democracy can be destroyed overnight. They can be destroyed by a conqueror, as in Norway; they can be taken from us by our own selfishness, as in France. Every bureaucrat who tampers with freedom of the press, every newspaper publisher who willfully suppresses or distorts or minimizes the truth; every unreasonable citizen who nurses his own prejudices and refuses to listen sympathetically to the other fellow's point of view, is, we must clearly understand, endangering these principles for which we are fighting. Never before in the history of the republic has it been so important that we understand this fact, for in time of war these principles are often threatened at the top by a small minority of officials who would curtail our freedom to know, and at the bottom by a number of people who, even in the face of the enemy, cannot shelve their own prejudices or abandon the interests of their particular groups. ** p. 35–36 * The root of the trouble lies, I think, in the military situation. We do not like this unprecedented parade of bad news; we don't like to get shoved around all over the world; so we are complaining bitterly about almost everything. But neither do the British like it, and neither do the Russians, nor the Chinese, nor the Dutch, who have had to take a lot more than we have. Adverse criticism of our allies will not help our military situation. It does no good to complain now about Singapore; that milk has been well and truly spilt. It does even less good to meditate on King [[George III of the United Kingdom|George III]], or the last World War, or the war debts, or the unfortunate accents and manners of certain officials sent out here from Whitehall. I have not read any adverse criticism in the British press about Pearl Harbor (what would we have said if they had got caught like that at Alexandria or [[w:Gibraltar|Gibraltar]] or [[w:Scapa Flow|Scapa Flow]]?); I have heard no attacks in the House of Commons on our naval dispositions or on the size of our expeditionary forces; I have heard of very few recriminations about our failure to be ready for war despite our years of criticizing British unpreparedness. ** pp. 162–163 * Why, then, all the sniping over here? We are not doing anybody any favors in this war. This is no exercise in knight-errantry. The Russians and the British are doing just as much for us as we are doing for them. They need our weapons and what men we can send; we need their help, and we need it desperately if we are ever to win this war. If most of the people who are doing most of he complaining had their own way with our foreign policy, we might not have had any allies today, and unless we had wanted to connive with the Japs at the destruction of China, the [[w:Dutch East Indies|Netherlands Indies]], and the British Empire, we should still have been attacked at Pearl Harbor. There was only one honorable course on December 7, and we chose it; there is only one honorable course now, and that is to be helpful or to be quiet. ** p. 163 * I have heard it often- that if the conquered peoples of Europe do not like our democracy the way it is, they can go fly a kite. It is absolutely true that a great majority of us found the old life very comfortable and would like to go back to the "normality" that produced it; but... we destroyed that "normality" trying to save our lives and cannot now go back to it any more than we can turn 1943 back into 1938. Nor can we tell the conquered peoples of Europe to go fly a kite if they do not like our democracy, because we need their help and will need it desperately before the war is over, and in order to get it we shall have to remove the doubts that are in their minds. That means that the people of America must look forward and not backward. That means that we must prove that our democracy is just as efficient as the totalitarian creed of our enemies. That means that we must make democracy live up to its promises. "Most governments," said [[Abraham Lincoln]], "have been based on the denial of the equal rights of men; ours began by affirming those rights. We made the experiment, and the fruit is before us. Look at it- think of it." The democracy of Lincoln is not dead. It has not lost its revolutionary fervor. It has not lost its appeal to the men of the world. Our problem is to prove that we really believe in it. ** pp. 214–215 * A great number of people in this country do not even take the Atlantic Charter seriously. They think it is some jiggery-pokery trumped up by Roosevelt and Churchill to propagandize their meeting at sea in 1941. They do not see it for what it should be: an extension of the Rights of Man, and another logical step in the fulfillment of the purpose of this nation. The scornful conception of the Atlantic Charter and of all other attempts to state our purpose will not do. For unless the spirit of the people is behind these declarations, they will have no true value. The essence of patriotism is in believing in the principles of America. Either you believe in the equalitarian idea behind this republic or you do not. Either you believe in Lincoln's "government of the people, by the people, and for the people" or you do not. Either you believe in liberty, justice, and right, or you do not. If you do, then our appeal to the revolutionary spirit of the world will be heard, but if you do not, all the Atlantic Charters in the world will not inspire the conquered nations to fight for principles that we proclaim but do not follow. ** pp. 215-216 {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Send us more Japs! ** Attributed by media sources to [[w:James Devereux|Lieutenant Colonel James P. S. Devereaux]] during the [[w:Battle of Wake Island|Battle of Wake Island]]. Reported in Paul F. Boller, Jr., and John George, They Never Said It: A Book of Fake Quotes, Misquotes, & Misleading Attributions (1989), p. 20. Deveraux denied having made such a statement, saying "I did not send any such message. As far as I know, it wasn't sent at all. None of us was that much of a damn fool. We already had more Japs than we could handle." {{Misattributed end}} == See also == * [[Aftermath of World War II]] ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource portal}} [[Category:World War II| ]] eagl70i6kp1y2renwmc9ky85vy4xp0m 0 25991 3949352 3759015 2026-06-06T00:05:37Z Kalki 71 update 3949352 wikitext text/x-wiki <div id="6" style="margin: 1em 0em; border: thin solid black; padding: 3px; background-color:#CFE5FF;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122); font: bold 14pt sans-serif;">[[Category:Days]][[w:June 6|June 6]]</div> <noinclude>'''Quotes of the day''' from previous years:</noinclude> ; 2004 : Do nothing, and everything is done. ~ [[Laozi]] :* suggested by IP 68.201.219.53 ; 2005 : Fearing no insult, asking for no crown, receive with indifference both flattery and slander, and do not argue with a fool. ~ [[Aleksandr Pushkin]] (born 6 June 1799 {26 May [[w:Old Style and New Style dates|O.S.]]}) :* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ; 2006 : Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six. ~ ''[[The Bible|The Book of Revelation]]'' :* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]; once a century date of 06/06/06; too rare a link to this old chestnut to pass up ; 2007 : Opinions cannot survive if one has no chance to fight for them. ~ [[Thomas Mann]] :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 20:40, 4 June 2007 (UTC) --> ; 2008 : I can be forced to live without happiness, but I will never consent to live without honor. ~ [[Pierre Corneille]] :* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] <!-- * 3 because one can do away with happiness, yes. But to do away with honor, pride, etc. is something that I go against, and hence, find much beauty in this quote. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:55, 18 May 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) --> ; 2009 : Do your duty, and leave the rest to heaven. ~ [[Pierre Corneille]] :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 23:05, 5 June 2008 (UTC) Personally I still much prefer this to any on the page, but am making a tactical shift to favor another one by Corneille, which everyone else agrees is impressive. * 2 and I don't particularly find this quote excessively exhilarating. I don't quite comprehend what is meant by "leaving it to heaven". Is it like saying you will be judged if you do and judged if you don't?...a bit confusing. Maybe if it's better explained. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 22:46, 5 June 2008 (UTC) :I actually don't approve of turning the QOTD suggestion pages into running commentaries on the quotes (which can often indicate very poor understanding or nearly complete obliviousness about what has been expressed very eloquently by others), but I will respond to this query, and indicate why I held this in higher value than the others. <br> It is somewhat related to the quote which ''was'' selected, in that it indicates one's happiness is not always in one's control, and cannot always be assured, but one's efforts to cleave to an honorable path is something that ultimately depends upon one's own integrity and not that of others, nor upon one's external fortunes. To elaborate on it a little further, I would say that it indicates very succinctly: '''Do what is right to do, and attempt what is right to attempt — without regard to success or failure, or to punishments and rewards.''' Leave that which ''cannot'' be known to fate, and make efforts to ''do'' what one ''knows'' to be worthy of doing in a noble way. There is no higher duty than that. One cannot usually have a clear idea of the full results of one's efforts in many regards, but one can have a clear idea of whether something is a worthy effort or not. That which helps and advances noble causes is worthy to attempt, that which merely petty and destructive towards anyone is petty and destructive to one's own integrity and path of honor. ~ [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 04:44, 6 June 2008 (UTC) ::Indeed, the message was similar to that expressed by the quote chosen. I ranked it accordingly as a 2 then. I don't normally ask for an explanation of meaning, this was uncommon and it had to be cleared as a rarity, thanks for taking the time to explain my dear comrade. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 11:31, 6 June 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 22:49, 5 June 2008 (UTC) --> ; 2010 : I will keep faith with death in my heart, yet will remember that faith with death and the dead is only wickedness and dark voluptuousness and enmity against humankind, if it is given power over our thought and contemplation. ''For the sake of goodness and love, man shall let death have no sovereignty over his thoughts.'' And with that, I wake up. ~ [[Thomas Mann]] :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- For the sake of goodness and love, man shall let death have no sovereignty over his thoughts. And with that, I wake up. ~ [[Thomas Mann]] * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 07:08, 31 May 2010 (UTC) <s>* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC)</s>, but would now extend this to read: :: I will keep faith with death in my heart, yet will remember that faith with death and the dead is only wickedness and dark voluptuousness and enmity against humankind, if it is given power over our thought and contemplation. ''For the sake of goodness and love, man shall let death have no sovereignty over his thoughts.'' And with that, I wake up. * 2 but I'd find the knowledge of death to control man's fate, regardless of his wanting it or not. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 22:46, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 22:49, 5 June 2008 (UTC) --> ; 2011 : Time has no divisions to mark its passage, there is never a thunderstorm or blare of trumpets to announce the beginning of a new month or year. Even when a new century begins it is only we mortals who ring bells and fire off pistols. ~ [[Thomas Mann]] :* proposed by [[User: Zarbon|Zarbon]] <!-- * 3 because without the firing of these pistols, ringing of bells, blaring of trumpets, etc. mankind wouldn't distinguish where in time they stand. It's particularly nice how Mann decides to personify "time" as a character in itself. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 23:24, 29 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 06:22, 29 May 2011 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) with a slight lean toward 4.</s> --> ; 2012 :{{quote of the day | quote = [[Soldiers]], Sailors and Airmen of the [[w:Supreme Headquarters Allied Expeditionary Force|Allied Expeditionary Force]]! <br> You are about to embark upon the [[w:Operation Overlord|Great Crusade]], toward which we have striven these many [[months]]. The eyes of the [[world]] are upon you. The [[Hope|hopes]] and [[prayers]] of [[liberty]]-[[Love|loving]] [[people]] everywhere march with you. In company with our brave Allies and brothers-in-arms on other Fronts, you will bring about the destruction of the German [[war]] machine, the elimination of [[Nazi]] [[tyranny]] over the oppressed peoples of [[Europe]], and security for ourselves in a [[Freedom|free]] world. <br> Your task will not be an easy one. | author = Dwight D. Eisenhower }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] for the anniversary of [[w:D-Day|D-Day]] of the [[w:Invasion of Normandy|Normandy invasion]].<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:44, 1 June 2012 (UTC) --> ; 2013 {{quote of the day | quote = The [[hand]] of the [[Aggression|aggressor]] is stayed by [[strength]] — and strength alone. | author = Dwight D. Eisenhower }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] for the 69th anniversary of [[w:D-Day|D-Day]] of the [[w:Invasion of Normandy|Normandy invasion]].<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:33, 4 June 2013 (UTC) for the 69th anniversary of the [[w:Normandy Invasion|Normandy Invasion]] --> ; 2014 {{quote of the day | quote = [[w:Invasion of Normandy|The tide has turned!]]<br /> The [[free]] men of the [[world]] are marching together to [[Victory]]! I have full [[confidence]] in your [[courage]] and devotion to [[duty]] and skill in [[battle]]. We will accept [[nothing]] less than full Victory! [[Good]] [[luck]]! And let us beseech the [[blessing]] of Almighty [[God]] upon this [[great]] and [[noble]] undertaking. | author = Dwight D. Eisenhower }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] for the 70th anniversary of the [[w:Normandy Invasion|Normandy Invasion]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 05:55, 5 June 2014 (UTC) <s> 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:30, 4 June 2013 (UTC) with a very strong lean towards 4 </s> --> ; 2015 {{quote of the day | quote = After having won a scepter, few are so [[generous]] as to disdain the [[pleasures]] of [[ruling]]. | author = Pierre Corneille }} :* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]]<!-- * 3 because it is difficult to avoid the intrigues of power when being at the height of power. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:55, 18 May 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:59, 5 June 2015 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) </s> --> ; 2016 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> It is a [[fact]] that a [[Human|man]]’s dying is more the survivors’ affair than his own. Whether he realizes it or not, he illustrates the pertinence of the adage: So long as we are, [[death]] is not; and when death is [[present]], we are not. In other [[words]], between death and us there is no [[rapport]]; it is something with which we have [[nothing]] to do — and only incidentally the [[world]] and [[nature]]. And that is why [[all]] [[living]] creatures can [[contemplate]] it with composure, with [[indifference]], unconcern, with [[egoistic]] irresponsibility. | author = Thomas Mann }} :* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]]<!-- A man’s dying is more the survivors’ affair than his own. ~ [[Thomas Mann]] * 3 because the dead is unaware of suffering, but the survivors carry the weight of anguish and loss within. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 23:24, 29 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 11:11, 5 June 2016 (UTC) <s>2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) </s> but would extend this for context to read: :: It is a [[fact]] that a man’s dying is more the survivors’ affair than his own. Whether he realizes it or not, he illustrates the pertinence of the adage: So long as we are, [[death]] is not; and when death is [[present]], we are not. In other [[words]], between death and us there is no [[rapport]]; it is something with which we have [[nothing]] to do — and only incidentally the [[world]] and [[nature]]. And that is why all living creatures can contemplate it with composure, with indifference, unconcern, with egoistic irresponsibility. --> ; 2017 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> O Lord, give us [[faith]]. Give us faith in Thee; faith in our sons; faith in each other; faith in our [[united]] [[crusade]]. Let not the keenness of our [[spirit]] ever be dulled. Let not the impacts of temporary events, of [[temporal]] [[matters]] of but fleeting [[moment]] — let not these deter us in our unconquerable [[purpose]]. <br /> With Thy [[blessing]], we shall [[prevail]] over the [[unholy]] [[forces]] of our [[enemy]]. Help us to conquer the apostles of [[greed]] and [[racial]] [[arrogances]]. Lead us to the [[saving]] of our [[country]], and with our sister [[nations]] into a [[world]] [[unity]] that will spell a sure [[peace]] — a peace invulnerable to the schemings of unworthy men. And a peace that will let [[all]] of men live in [[freedom]], reaping the just rewards of their [[honest]] [[toil]]. <br /> Thy [[will]] be done, Almighty [[God]]. <br /> [[Amen]]. | author = Franklin D. Roosevelt }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] —<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:58, 5 June 2017 (UTC) --> end of a prayer delivered publicly by FDR on [[w:Normandy landings|D-Day]] of the [[w:Invasion of Normandy|Normandy Invasion]], 6 June 1944. ; 2018 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> There are two kinds of [[fools]]: one says, "This is old, therefore it is [[good]]"; the other says, "This is new, therefore it is better." | author = William Ralph Inge }} :* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]]<!-- * 2 for clarifying the difference between fools in a vivid manner. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:00, 18 May 2008 (UTC) * 3. <s>1. This quote is unsourced.</s> [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) ** I sourced the quote. You may recast your vote. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 22:24, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:01, 6 June 2018 (UTC) <s> 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC)</s> * 3 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) --> ; 2019 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> Almighty [[God]]: Our sons, pride of our [[nation]], [[w:Normandy landings|this day]] have set upon a mighty [[endeavor]], a [[struggle]] to preserve our [[Republic]], our [[religion]], and our [[civilization]], and to set [[free]] a [[suffering]] [[humanity]]. <br /> Lead them straight and true; give [[strength]] to their arms, stoutness to their [[hearts]], steadfastness in their [[faith]]. <br /> They will [[need]] Thy [[blessings]]. Their road will be long and hard. For the [[enemy]] is strong. He may hurl back our forces. [[Success]] may not come with rushing speed, but we shall return again and again; and we [[know]] that by Thy [[grace]], and by the [[righteousness]] of our cause, our sons will triumph. <br /> They will be sore tried, by night and by day, without rest — until the [[victory]] is won. The [[darkness]] will be rent by noise and [[flame]]. Men's [[souls]] will be shaken with the [[violences]] of [[war]]. <br /> For these men are lately drawn from the ways of [[peace]]. They fight not for the [[lust]] of [[conquest]]. They fight to [[end]] conquest. They fight to [[liberate]]. They fight to let [[justice]] arise, and [[tolerance]] and [[goodwill]] among all Thy people. They yearn but for the end of battle, for their return to the haven of [[home]]. <br /> Some will never return. Embrace these, Father, and receive them, Thy [[heroic]] servants, into [[Kingdom of God|Thy kingdom]]. <br /> And for us at home — [[fathers]], [[mothers]], [[children]], [[wives]], [[sisters]], and [[brothers]] of [[brave]] [[men]] overseas, whose [[thoughts]] and [[prayers]] are ever with them — help us, Almighty God, to rededicate ourselves in renewed faith in Thee in this hour of [[great]] [[sacrifice]]. | author = Franklin D. Roosevelt }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:41, 6 June 2019 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:22, 6 June 2017 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4</s> * 3 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) -->, for the 75th anniversary of the [[w:Invasion of Normandy|Invasion of Normandy]], on which date this prayer was publicly delivered by FDR, 6 June 1944. ; 2020 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> Many [[people]] have urged that I call [[United States of America|the Nation]] into a single [[day]] of special [[prayer]]. But because the road is long and the [[desire]] is [[great]], I ask that our people [[devote]] themselves in a continuance of prayer. As we rise to each new day, and again when each day is spent, let [[words]] of prayer be on our lips, [[God|invoking Thy]] [[help]] to our [[efforts]]. <br /> Give us [[strength]], too — strength in our daily [[tasks]], to redouble the contributions we make in the physical and the material support of our [[armed forces]]. <br /> And let our [[hearts]] be stout, to wait out the long travail, to bear [[sorrows]] that may come, to impart our [[courage]] unto our [[sons]] wheresoever they may be. | author = Franklin D. Roosevelt }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:52, 5 June 2020 (UTC) --> in remembrance of the 76th anniversary of the [[w:Invasion of Normandy|Normandy Invasion]]. ; 2021 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> [[Love]] stands [[opposed]] to [[death]]. It is love, not [[reason]], that is [[stronger]] than death. Only love, not reason, gives sweet [[thoughts]]. And from love and sweetness alone can form come: form and [[civilization]], [[friendly]], [[enlightened]], [[beautiful]] [[human]] intercourse — always in [[silent]] [[recognition]] of the [[blood]] [[sacrifice]]. | author = Thomas Mann }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:00, 6 June 2021 (UTC) --> ; 2022 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> The [[illusion]] which exalts us is dearer to us than ten thousand [[truths]]. | author = Aleksandr Pushkin }} :* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]]<!-- * 3 because sometimes, illusion can steer us away from problems. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 23:09, 29 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:23, 6 June 2022 (UTC) <s>2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC)</s> * 3 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) --> ; 2023 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> ''Come purge my [[soul]], Thou Master of my days, <br /> Of [[vain]] and empty [[words]], of idle ways, <br /> Of base [[ambition]] and the urge to [[rule]]; <br /> That hidden serpent that [[corrupts]] a [[fool]]; <br /> and grant me, Lord, to see my [[sins]] alone. <br /> That I not call my [[brother]] to [[atone]]; <br /> Make chaste my [[heart]] and lend me from above <br /> Thy [[fortitude]], [[humility]], and [[love]].'' | author = Aleksandr Pushkin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:59, 5 June 2023 (UTC) --> ; 2024 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> [[File:SHAEF Shoulder Patch.svg|88px]]<br /> -->[[Soldiers]], Sailors and Airmen of the [[w:Supreme Headquarters Allied Expeditionary Force|Allied Expeditionary Force]]! <br> You are about to embark upon the [[w:Operation Overlord|Great Crusade]], toward which we have striven these many [[months]]. The eyes of the [[world]] are upon you. The [[Hope|hopes]] and [[prayers]] of [[liberty]]-[[Love|loving]] [[people]] everywhere march with you. In company with our brave Allies and brothers-in-arms on other Fronts, you will bring about the destruction of the German [[war]] machine, the elimination of [[Nazi]] [[tyranny]] over the oppressed peoples of [[Europe]], and security for ourselves in a [[Freedom|free]] world. <br> Your task will not be an easy one. | author = Dwight D. Eisenhower }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:54, 5 June 2024 (UTC)-->; in regard of 80th the anniversary of [[w:D-Day|D-Day]] and the [[w:Invasion of Normandy|Normandy invasion]]. ; 2025 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> -->The [[battle]] that has [[now]] [[begun]] will [[grow]] constantly in scale and in intensity for many weeks to come, and I shall not attempt to speculate upon its course. This I may say, however. Complete [[unity]] prevails throughout [[w:Supreme Headquarters Allied Expeditionary Force|the Allied Armies]]. | author = Winston Churchill }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:45, 5 June 2025 (UTC) -->; remarks in his speech to the House of Commons on the D-Day Invasion (6 June 1944) ; 2026 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> -->The [[manner]] of giving is [[worth]] more than the [[gift]]. | author = Pierre Corneille }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 2 and that's the highest I could give this one after I had already examined Corneille fully. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 22:46, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 22:49, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) --> ; 2027 : ''[[June 6|Rank or add further suggestions…]]'' ---- <noinclude> {{QOTD Ranking}} ---- ---- == Suggestions == ‘Tis time, my friend, ‘tis time!<br>For rest the heart is aching;<br>Days follow days in flight, and every day is taking<br>Fragments of being, while together you and I<br>Make plans to live. Look, all is dust, and we shall die. ~ [[Aleksandr Pushkin]] * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 15:08, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- Time cools, time clarifies, no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours. ~ [[Thomas Mann]] * 3 because time mends the pain of loss and suffering. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 23:24, 29 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4. * 1 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- If you are possessed by an idea, you find it expressed everywhere, you even smell it. ~ [[Thomas Mann]] * 3 because obsession and possession of a certain idea...makes one become devoured by its very essence, and almost every move one makes, one makes revolving around that idea. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 23:24, 29 April 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- Who is all-powerful should fear everything. ~ [[Pierre Corneille]] * 3 because those who have the power, trust no one. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:55, 18 May 2008 (UTC) * 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- Your virtue raises your glory above your crime. ~ [[Pierre Corneille]] * 2 because to fight with virtue is glorious. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:55, 18 May 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- To die for one’s country is such a worthy fate that all compete for so beautiful a death. ~ [[Pierre Corneille]] * 4 because this quote brilliantly depicts the epitome of that which I stand for. The gallant march to death. The very beauty of death. Yes, the magnificently charming texture of death, best depicted here in the verbalization of the context of this quote. And yes, the death for one's country is so beautiful, darn...beautiful. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:55, 18 May 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- To conquer without risk is to triumph without glory. ~ [[Pierre Corneille]] * 2 because without risk, there would be no excitement. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:55, 18 May 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- He who fears not death fears not a threat. ~ [[Pierre Corneille]] * 2 because the acceptance of death is admirable. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:55, 18 May 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- As great as kings may be, they are what we are: they can err like other men. ~ [[Pierre Corneille]] * 2 because kings are human, and they too make mistakes. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:55, 18 May 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- Reason and love are sworn enemies. ~ [[Pierre Corneille]] * 3 and I love this quote. For those who decide with their heart are those who are "love" oriented. I, on the other hand, prefer the "reason" ascribed people. But regardless of any side, the beautiful image is painted well in this quote, as the characterization of "love" and "reason" is witnessed, neither is "right" and neither is "wrong", but both are ''different''. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:55, 18 May 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- One is often guilty by being too just. ~ [[Pierre Corneille]] * 2 well said. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:55, 18 May 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- Sir, what does it matter whom I serve, so long as I am right? ~ [[Pierre Corneille]] * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:55, 18 May 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- We have enslaved the rest of the animal creation, and have treated our distant cousins in fur and feathers so badly that beyond doubt, if they were able to formulate a religion, they would depict the Devil in human form. ~ [[William Ralph Inge]] * 2 for being outright. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:00, 18 May 2008 (UTC) * 3. <s>1. This quote is unsourced.</s> [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) ** I sourced the quote. You may recast your vote. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 22:24, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- Civilization is a disease which is almost invariably fatal. ~ [[William Ralph Inge]] * 3 because this statement says what I believe...all civilizations must come to an end. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:00, 18 May 2008 (UTC) * 2. <s>1. This quote is unsourced.</s> [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:54, 5 June 2008 (UTC) ** I sourced the quote. You may recast your vote. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 22:24, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- We are most likely to get angry and excited in our opposition to some idea when we ourselves are not quite certain of our own position, and are inwardly tempted to take the other side. ~ [[Thomas Mann]] * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) with a very strong lean toward 4. * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 22:46, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 22:49, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- Human reason needs only to will more strongly than fate, and she is fate. ~ [[Thomas Mann]] * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4. * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 22:46, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 22:49, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- While in the life of the human race the mythical is an early and primitive stage, in the life of the individual it is a late and mature one. ~ [[Thomas Mann]] * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 22:46, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 22:49, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- The greater the effort, the greater the glory. ~ [[Pierre Corneille]] * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:34, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 2 and that's the highest I could give this one after I had already examined Corneille fully. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 22:46, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 22:49, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- ''Upon the brink of the wild stream <br> He stood, and dreamt a mighty dream.'' <br> ~ [[Aleksandr Pushkin]] ~ * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 23:05, 5 June 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 03:52, 6 June 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- Eventually we all grow old and die, only sometimes the growing old part doesn't happen. ~ [[Harvey Fierstein]] as ''Merv Green'' from ''Death to Smoochy''. * 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 02:02, 26 January 2009 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:12, 6 June 2009 (UTC) * 2.5 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- For a typical author, obscurity is a far greater threat than piracy. ~ [[Tim O'Reilly]] (born 6 June 1954) * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 07:32, 11 October 2009 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- "And when he gets to heaven, To St. Peter he will tell, One more soldier reporting sir, I've served my time in Hell!" --Author Unknown. Found inscribed on PFC Bill Cameron's gravestone in 1942. See [[Soldier's poem]]: : {{unsigned|75.76.252.178}} * 2 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:44, 1 June 2012 (UTC) with a lean toward 3 or 4 for some variant of this. * 2 [[User:Just A Regular New Yorker|J.A.R.N.Y.]]|[[User talk:Just A Regular New Yorker|🗣️]]|[[Special:emailuser/Just A Regular New Yorker|📧]] 23:14, 5 June 2018 (UTC) ---- <!-- interwiki start --> <!-- interwiki end --> </noinclude> q6su9w15m40l6q7clhy9qlj413k3wea 0 26618 3949233 3944836 2026-06-05T14:53:50Z ~2026-21258-26 3308661 3949233 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Over the Hedge (film)|Over the Hedge]]''''' is a 2006 [[w:computer animation|computer-animated]] film based on the [[w:United Media|United Media]] [[w:Over the Hedge|comic strip of the same name]]. It follows a raccoon who cons a group of woodland animals to help him pay a debt to a homicidal bear. :''Directed by [[w:Tim Johnson (film director)|Tim Johnson]] and [[w:Karey Kirkpatrick|Karey Kirkpatrick]]. Written by [[w:Len Blum|Len Blum]], Lorne Cameron, [[w:David Hoselton|David Hoselton]] and Karey Kirkpatrick.'' {{center|'''Get over it.''' <small>([[Over the Hedge (film)#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} ==RJ== * They've always got food with them. We ''eat to live'', these guys ''live to eat!'' Let me show you what I'm talking about. ''[showing the woodland animals the wonders of what humans do with their obsession for food around the neighborhood; demonstrating]'' The human mouth is called a "pie hole". The human ''being'' is called a "couch potato". ''[signifies the cellphone where a woman hangs up]'' That is a device to summon food. ''[signifies the doorbell where a man hears and bolts to the front door]'' That is one of the many voices of food. ''[signifies the front door where a pizza delivery boy is giving a person a pizza box]'' That is the portal for the passing of food. ''[signifies a motorcycle the pizza delivery boy hops on and drives away]'' That is one of the many food transportation vehicles. ''[signifies every food delivery vehicle driving by]'' Humans bring the food, take the food, ship the food, they ''drive'' the food, they ''wear'' the food! ''[they peer over the fence to a backyard where a party is going on; signifies the griller with hot dog wieners being grilled]'' That gets the food hot! ''[signifies the cooler keeping drinks soda bottles]'' That keeps the food cold! ''[signifies "turtle piñata"...with candy inside it]'' That...I'm not sure what that is. ''[a human boy breaks the piñata open with a baseball bat and all the candy fall out; Verne screams in horror]'' Well, what do you know? Food! ''[signifies a table where a family is saying their prayers]'' That is the altar where they worship food. ''[signifies an advertisement for Seltzer on the TV]'' That's what they eat when they've eaten too much food. ''[signifies a treadmill a person is using while working out]'' That gets rid of the guilt so they can eat more food! Food, food, food, food, '''''FOOD!''''' So, you think they have enough? ''[the animals all nod in agreement]'' Well, they don't. For humans, enough is ''never'' enough! And what do they do with the stuff they don't eat? They put it in gleaming, silver cans just for us. ''[opens the trash cans and knocks them over]'' Dig in! * ''[walking across the pool on floats]'' Hey, everybody! This way to the food! * ''[signifying Gladys Sharp's SUV]'' Humans ride around in it because they are slowly losing their ability to walk. * ''[signifying Gladys Sharp as she comes out of her house while on her phone as he and the woodland animals hide]'' That's just a human being. And they are just as scared of us as we are of them. * ...And there they are. America's most coveted cookies. Love Handles, Skinny Mints, Neener-Neeners and Smackeroons! And guess what?! They're all yours! ''[Hammy jumps; stops him]'' Whoa, Hamilton! Hold on there, fella. I love your energy, but you just can't take them. * ''[after Verne scares away Shelby and Mackenzie with his naked body without his shell]'' That was great! You, my friend, are a natural. Or should I say, ''"au naturel." [tosses him a cookie]'' * You feel that buzz in the back of your skull? That's called sugar rush. It's what keeps the humans going. It's why they don't hibernate. * Verne, believe me, you should ''not'' be jealous of me. You got a good thing here. You're trying to do what's best for your family. And I think you're what's best for them now. * Animals are in the house. * ''[signifying a coffee machine that just beeped]'' That is what gets the humans out of bed in the morning. * ''[facing Vincent while standing on top of the hedge and holds up a potato chip]'' Hey, Vincent! You were right. With a Spuddie, enough just isn't enough! ''[eats the chip]'' ==Verne== * ''[eats the bark; with mouthful]'' Okay, this is great. ''[eats the bark again, starts chewing and crunching]'' ''[mouthful]'' Granted, it takes some time to chew. But that... ''[swallows it]'' That was very satisfying. And, by the way, lots of fiber in there too. Mmm! ''[eats the bark, chewing]'' Lots. * ''[to RJ]'' Can we just get the food and go? Really, do they have it, or not? ''['''RJ:''' Didn't you see it? It was in the box.]'' * ''[giving RJ the death glare before they're about to fall after the umbrella burns out]'' You're the devil. * ''[talking to RJ, reflecting on the consequences of his actions]'' I shouldn't have taken all that food. I was just trying to return things to the way they were, that's all. I was just being cautious. 'Cause that's what I am. I'm naturally tentative. There's even places in my shell I haven't been. You, on the other hand, you're like... cool. And crazy and fearless. I think they're right. I think I'm just jealous. * Just for the record, if you had told us that all that food you were trying to get was to pay back an angry bear (like Vincent), we would have given it to you. ''['''RJ:''' Really?]'' Yeah, that's what families do. They look out for each other. ==Stella== * ''[when Quillo accidentally turns on the TV for the THX logo while distracting Tiger]'' That's just the sound of my heart. Can't you hear it? ==Tiger== * My father.... he had an exceptionally flat face. It was ''so'' beautiful, he could barely breathe! ==Nugent== * ''[repeated line]'' Play? ==Hammy== * ''['''RJ:''' Hammy, I told you that cookie's junk!]'' But I like the cookie. * I am a crazy rabid squirrel! I want my cookies! I'M RABID! I'm foaming at the mouth! I'm foaming! Very scary rabid squirrel! ''['''Mackenzie & Shelby:''' [alarmed in horror] '''RABIES!!!''']'' * ''[sadly]'' I'm not stupid. * ''[after Verne turns on the GPS; frantically begging] ['''GPS''': Please select destination.]'' Take us home! TAKE US TO THE LOG! ''['''GPS:''' Previous destination selected. Make a legal U-turn.]'' * ''[pointing at Vincent floating down to the ground the moment he returns; scared]'' Scary clown. * ''[when Dwayne appears with a cattle prod and so does Gladys with a string trimmer, ready to attack them]'' A weed hacker, Verne! A WEED HACKER! * I found my nuts! ''[runs into the camera]'' ==Ozzie and Heather== * I learned best, Dad. That's my girl. ''[whispering]'' Rosebud. * ''['''RJ:''' Hey! Let me in! Let me in!]'' No! Ring-tailed charlatan! ==Lou and Penny== * Jeepers. * Shape up there. ''[Quillo, Spike, & Bucky tackles him]'' ==Vincent== * ''['''RJ:''' I'm just a desperate guy trying to feed his family.]'' You don't have a family. ''['''RJ:''' I meant family of one.]'' * Moon's full, RJ. See you in the morning. * ''[attempting to convince RJ to forget his woodland friends and move on as an independent loner]'' Who are you kidding? You said it yourself, you're a family of one. Always will be. It's how guys like you and me survive. So a few saps got hurt in the process. Tough. That's life. Trust me, you don't need them. * ''[threatening to kill RJ and his friends]'' You're dead, RJ! And your friends are next! ''('''Penny:''' Look out!) [pricks her quills onto his nose, causing him to roar in pain]'' ==Gladys Sharp== * ''[first words while talking on the phone while driving in her SUV]'' No, I can talk. I'm just driving. * ''[to Janis]'' Did I just hear them say, "rabid squirrel?" ''['''Janis:''' I think they might just be overreacting.]'' But, what if they're not? What if we have a potential pandemic on our hands? Vermin running loose, spreading disease, and lowering our property values? ''['''Janis:''' Yeah. I have a casserole in the oven. Gotta run. (walks away)]'' Fine. You worry about your casserole, and I'll worry about the end of suburban peace and tranquility! * ''[exits her house and spits out her coffee, seeing the neighborhood in a mess, and calls a number on her phone]'' Hello? I need every business listing you have under "exterminator." * Debbie? I don't remember seeing a permit out for a gathering. Groups of more than one who wish to get... ''[sees Ozzie lying on the ground, playing dead; screams in alarm]'' * ''[after Dwayne sets up a lot of animal traps in her backyard to keep animals off her property while RJ watches from inside the hedge]'' Did you put this one in? This Depelter Turbo? ''['''Dwayne:''' That's a contraband item, ma'am, as it is illegal in every state, except Texas.]'' I don't care if this thing's against the Geneva Conventions. I ''want'' it! ''['''Dwayne:''' (chuckles) I thought you might. So I took the liberty of installing it for you.]'' * ''[attacking RJ and the woodland animals along with Dwayne and Vincent while cutting the hedge with a string trimmer]'' Show your rat little faces! Filthy creatures! ''[zoom out, showing the three villains attacking them on both sides of the hedge as they're cornered inside]'' STAY IN THE WOODS WHERE YOU BELONG! * ''[last words while she and Dwayne are both being arrested by the police for illegally possessing a Depelter Turbo; begging desperately]'' No! It's not my fault! LET GO OF ME! ''['''Police Officer''': Ma'am.]'' I CAN'T BE ARRESTED! ''['''Police Officer''': Excuse me...]'' I'M THE PRESIDENT OF THE HOMEOWNER'S ASSOCIATION! ==Dwayne LaFontant== * ''[after Vincent retaliates by punching him in the face for accidentally shocking him]'' You guys wanna party, do ya? All right, then, let's party! * ''[bracing for impact when the Depelter Turbo activates]'' Prepare for a lot of stinging! ==Others== * '''Skeeter''': Now can I poke him? * '''BBQ Barry''': Oh, my back! * '''Lunch Table Larry''': Look out! * '''Ranger''': Here we go, off to the Rockies for you, Smokey. ==Dialogue== :''[RJ the raccoon is trying to get a bag of nacho cheese chips from the vending machine and it gets stuck]'' :'''RJ''': ''[groans in annoyance, bangs on the vending machine]'' No! ''[bangs on the vending machine again]'' Come on! ''[goes through vending machine slot, tries grab it by hand, straining, but slips, & bangs on the window'' ''as he comes out, growls in annoyance as he grabs a T-Rex snapper out of his golf bag, trying to grab the bag of chips]'' Come on, baby. Grab it! ''[he struggles to get the bag of chips unstuck, but his t-rex snapper breaks, groans in annoyance as he gets out of the slot, throws the t-rex snapper away as he digs in his golf bag]'' All right. ''[grabs a boomerang, throws it in order to get the bag unstuck, it hits the machine on the way back, but still the bag doesnt budge much to his disbelief]'' What...? ''[finally frustrated, he sticks his head inside the slot, pressing the coin dispenser, & kicks the vending machine, which he hops on one foot in pain]'' Ow! ''[frustraly grabs a golf club out of his golf bag, hits the vending machine with it as light of the vending machine fizzes out, glass reflects a big mountainous cave behind RJ, which he acknowledges]'' Vincent. ''[starts to scheme, but realizes Vincent is dangerous]'' No, no, bad idea. Bad idea! ''[clutching his grumbling stomach, sighs to have no choice to get food from Vincent, puts his golf bag over his shoulder, and steps towards the base of the mountain, as he approaches, he grabs out his fishing rod, swings into the root of the mountain for a grappling hook, starts to go up, when he arrives at the top, he approaches and pins himself on a bear warning sign, gasps with a startle, then sighs in annoyance when he realizes it's just a sign that says: "Do Not Feed the Bears", along with a lot of other warning signs that Vincent has torn down and collected over the years]'' Hmm? ''[ ]'' Just take what you need. Just take what you need. ''[ ]'' What's...? ''[ Seeing can of Spuddies, his favorite snack, which is also Vincent's favorite]'' :'''Vincent''': RJ? :'''RJ''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, no? :'''Vincent''': The moon's not full. You woke me up a week early? ''[notices RJ has his food]'' Oh, no. Don't tell me you're dumb enough to actually come up here and steal my stuff. RJ, I'm gonna have to kill you. :'''RJ''': Please, I'm just a desperate guy trying to feed his family. :'''Vincent''': You don't have a family. :'''RJ''': I meant a family of one. :'''Vincent''': ''[growls softly]'' :'''RJ''': Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait! Look, it's still in the cave, so technically, not stolen! :''[accidentally bumps into the wagon, sending it down the hill]'' :'''Vincent''': Oh, no. No! ''NO!'' :'''Vincent and RJ''': Sl-Slow! :'''RJ''': ''[groaning]'' Stop! :''[The wagon and cooler stops, RJ and Vincent laughs chuckle nervously at each other]'' :'''RJ''': Whoo! That was close. :''[A truck destroys the wagon and food; now furious, Vincent chases down RJ, grabs him by the head and prepares to eat him]'' :'''RJ''': VINCENT, WAIT! '''''I CAN GET IT ALL BACK!''''' ''[ ]'' That's right! You eat me, ''you'd'' have to do it! But I can get it! ALL of it! :'''Vincent''': My red wagon? :'''RJ''': Redder! ''[Vincent squeezes his head]'' Ow... :'''Vincent''': The blue cooler? :'''RJ''': Blue cooler! On my list! Gotta be blue? :'''Vincent''': Yes! And I want my Spuddies! I love those things. 'Cause with a Spuddie, enough just isn't enough. :'''RJ''': So true... painfully true. And I'll tell you what, I'm gonna get you the giant picnic pack, family-fun size! :'''Vincent''': They have that? :'''RJ''': I'm pretty sure. :'''Vincent''': All right, RJ, I'm going back to sleep. When that moon is full, I'm waking up, and all my stuff had better be '''''right back'' where it was.''' :'''RJ''': But that's just one week! That's impossible for one guy! ''[Vincent squeezes him again]'' A week's perfect. I'll get some helpers. :'''Vincent''': Full moon, ''all my stuff.'' And don't even think about running away, because if you do, I will '''hunt you down and kill you.''''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[One bright morning, a piece of snow landed on Verne the turtle's shell, waking him up]'' :'''Verne''': Oh! Oooh! Boy, that's cold! That's cold! The one place I didn't have a shell. :''[Shaking the snow off his shell he looked around the forest, blossoming in the spring.]'' :'''Verne''': Wow. Spring. That means there's only 274 days left till winter. Everybody, wake up! Hibernation's over. :''[popping out of the leaves was Hammy the red squirrel]'' :'''Hammy''': Oh, morning! ''[ ]'' :'''Verne''': Morning, Hammy. :'''Hammy''': I gotta go wee-wee! ''[ ]'' :'''Verne''': Not in the lake we drink from! Let's go, all right, the rest of you. It's spring! That means we gotta get to work. :'''Hammy''': Finished. ''[winces]'' No, wait! ''[zooms away can to use the bathroom again]'' :'''Verne''': Come on, everybody. Wake up. Don't make me come in there. :'''Stella''': ''[offscreen]'' Ya'll better listen. I've been holding something in all winter, and I'm about to let it out. :''[All the animals scurry out of the pile]'' :'''Verne''': Thank you, Stella. :'''Stella''': Oh, I can clear a room, Verne. Come on, that much I can do. :'''Porcupine Kid''': Good morning. :'''Lou''': Good morning, everyone! :'''Porcupine Kid''': How'd you guys sleep? :'''Lou''': Just a super-duper morning. :'''Penny''': Oh, jeepers. :'''Lou''': Whoa, not lookin' so good around the eyes there, hon. :'''Penny''': Bucky and Quillo were up every three or four weeks. And Spike kept poking me. :'''Lou''': Yeah. Well, he's kinda pokey. :'''Penny''': Yup, he's the sharpest of the bunch there. :'''Lou''': You know what? How 'bout I take the day shift? :'''Penny''': Oh, Lou, that'd be just super. :'''Lou''': All right, kids, you heard your mother, and now you listen to me. Shape up there. :''[The kids tackle him, meanwhile, in the log, Verne notices the remaining food is grapes]'' :'''Verne''': Oh, boy. This is what I was afraid of. :'''Hammy''': Where's the food? Is there any left? I'm hungry, so is there any left? :'''Heather''': We ate all the food, Hammy. During the winter? So we gotta go get some more now. :'''Hammy''': Oh, right! I buried some nuts in the woods. I know where they are. I'll be right back. Bye! :''[Hammy runs off, while Verne appears outside with the grapes, a piece of snow landed on Ozzie]'' :'''Heather''': ''[weak laughs]'' Dad, it was just snow. :'''Ozzie''': But it could have been a predator. :'''Heather''': Isn't playing dead a little... weak? :'''Ozzie''': Heather, how many times must I say it? Playing possum is what we do. We die so that we live! :'''Lou''': Kids, I'm the boss of you, OK? So just calm down. :'''Penny''': That's what we need to find you this year, don't you know? A good fella. :'''Stella''': A good fella? A good fella? :'''Penny''': Oh, Jeepers, here we go. :'''Stella''': Why does everyone think I need a man? I look like a nest and smell like a swamp. So when you find a fella who's decent, good with kids, and has no sense of smell, call me. :''[As Hammy searched around for his nuts, he gasped and what appears to be a massive shadow]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Verne''': Hello? :'''Lou''': I don't care who started it. :''[Verne waved the branch, getting everyone's attention]'' :'''Penny''': Oh, look, food. :'''Verne''': Well, I think you know what this means. :''[Hammy appears]'' :'''Hammy''': Verne. :'''Verne''': Just a minute, Hammy. ''[passing one grab to each of them]'' This means we were nine berries away from starvation. Sorry. That was a little intense. I meant really serious hunger pains. ''[ ]'' :'''Hammy''': Verne! :'''Verne''': Not finished, Hammy. Morning, Lou, Penny. :'''Penny''': Thanks. :'''Verne''': Hey, kids. So, what I want to tell you is... :'''Hammy''': Verne! :'''Verne''': I'm not done, Hammy. If you have to go again, just go. OK. So all I'm saying is we cut it a little close. So this year, we need to make sure that we fill the log... :'''Ozzie''': All the way to the top. :'''Verne''': Exactly. ''[meanwhile, RJ is walking by the bushes, seeing them for the first time]'' All the way to the top. Because what are we? :'''All''': Foragers! :'''Verne''': And what do we forage? :'''All''': Food! :'''Verne''': Right. :'''Lou''': Super, Verne, really super. :'''Verne''': OK, Hammy. What is it? :'''Hammy''': What is what? :'''Verne''': What is it you want to tell me? :'''Hammy''': What was it, what was it, what was it, what was it? ''[ ]'' Wait. Right on the tip of my tongue. Oh, yeah! There's a weird thing over there. I've never seen before. It's really scary. Follow me. ''[ ]'' :'''Verne''': OK. Meeting called on account of weird scary thing. Let's go. ''[unknown to the family, RJ was watching them behind bushes]'' :'''RJ''': Hmm. Foragers... :'''Verne''': Hammy, what weird thing? ''[seeing what Hammy is pointing at]'' Oh. That weird thing. :''[They look over to the left and right of the massive hedge, Hammy speeds way to the side of the hedge]'' :'''Hammy''': It never ends! :''[He speeds the other way, brushing past RJ]'' :'''RJ''': Whoa! ''[Hammy zooms past RJ again]'' Hey! ''[ ]'' :'''Hammy''': It never ends that way too. :'''Penny''': Jeepers, Lou. :'''Lou''': Whoa. Yeah, jeepers is the word there, hon. :'''Ozzie''': I've never seen anything like this. :'''Stella''': Man, that's big. :'''Heather''': What is this thing? :'''Ozzie''': Heather, no! :'''Quillo''': I'm scared. :'''Spike''': Me too, Mama. :'''Penny''': It's OK, it's just a... What is this thing, Lou? :'''Lou''': I... Well, it's a... It's... Verne? :'''Verne''': Well, it's... it's obviously....some kind of bush? :'''Penny''': I'd be less afraid of it if I just knew what it was called. :'''Hammy''': Let's call it Steve! :'''Verne''': Steve? :'''Hammy''': It's a pretty name. :'''Heather''': Steve sounds nice. :'''Penny''': I'm a lot less scared of Steve. :'''Ozzie''': Oh, great and powerful Steve! What do you want? :'''Verne''': I don't think it can speak. :'''Woman's voice''': I heard that, young man! :''[It made the animals yelp and Ozzie passes out]'' :'''Woman's voice''': You get over here right now! :'''Hammy''': OK. :''[Stella pulls Ozzie back while Verne stops Hammy]'' :'''Verne''': Hammy, get back here. :'''Hammy''': But Steve is angry! :'''Verne''': It probably came from the other side of Steve. I mean the bush. I mean... Jeez! [letting out a sign] Look, there's only one way we're gonna find out what this thing is, and what this is all about. I'm gonna go check it out. ''[Verne takes a few slow steps, ]'' Ah! :'''Animals''': Ah! :'''Verne''': Aye aye yay. ''[until he tripped and fell into the hedge, frightening the animals]'' :'''Ozzie''': Steve ate Verne! :'''Stella''': All right, Steve, you brought this on yourself. :'''Verne''': Stella, don't! I'm not eaten, I just tripped. I'm gonna go over there. Just don't anybody move. :''[Verne made his way through the hedge and found himself in a backyard of a house]'' :'''Woman''': Kids, come on, hurry up! You'll be late! :'''Verne''': What is this place? :''[looking around, he sees a dragonfly flying by]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Verne''': Oh, hey there, little... ...fella. :''[The dragonfly gets killed by a bug zapper. Verne backed away and bumps into a sprinkler]'' :'''Verne''': Hi. :''[Water bursts on him making him land on a column. He runs away from the glass ball and gets caught on it.]'' :'''Verne''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! :''[He jumps into utensils and almost dodged the knives. One landed on the hose, causing water to spurt everywhere. He gets caught and land on a toy car.]'' :'''Phone toy''': Operator. Can I help you? :'''Gladys''': ''[first words]'' No, I can talk. I'm just driving. :''[He ducks behind a car and landed on the ground. Then he gets spun around and landed back into the forest]'' :'''Hammy''': Verne's back. :'''Bucky''': Verne! :'''Penny''': Jeepers! :'''Lou''': You OK? :'''Stella''': Help him up. :'''Ozzie''': What was over there? :'''Verne''': Freaky pink primates! They must have come while we were hibernating. It was awful. They had wheels on their feets...''[RJ hops onto a tree, listening to their conversation]'' ...and there sticks, and they were whacking me with sticks like it was some sort of sick game. :'''Ozzie''': You should have died! You should have laid down and died! :'''Heather''': Dad. :'''Verne''': That's not the worst part. Half the forest is gone. The oak trees and the berry bushes, they're just... they're just... gone. :'''Penny''': Jeepers. :'''Stella''': What'll we do for food? :'''Quillo''': How are we gonna live? ''[Vernes looks at his family]'' :'''Verne''': I don't know. But here's what I ''do'' know. We will be fine as long as ''no one'' goes over Steve again. :'''RJ''': ''[off-screen]'' It's called a hedge. ''[the animals all look up at him with a ray of light shining on him; introducing himself]'' And it is not to be feared, my amphibious friend. It is the gateway to the good life. :'''Verne''': I'm a reptile, actually. But, you know, it's a common mistake. And, uh, you are? :'''RJ''': Where are my manners. ''[walks off the tree branch]'' I'm RJ. ''[the branch smacks on Verne's face]'' Now please don't think I'm prying, but I couldn't help overhearing, ''[throwing out items from his bag while looking through]'' and I can shed a little light on what this whole hedge situation is about. ''[takes out a map]'' You see, what was once mere wilderness is now 54 acres of man-made, manicured, air-conditioned paradise. Except for that little-bitty speck. ''[takes out a magnifying glass, showing a red circle surrounding their location]'' You are here. ''[the animals gasp in shock]'' No, no, that's a good thing. You're hibernators, right? You gather up a bunch of food, store it away for the winter? :'''Hammy''': Uh-huh. We fill the log! :'''Verne''': Hammy! :'''RJ''': Really? This log? This cave-like log? :'''Ozzie''': All the way to the top. :'''Verne''': Ozzie! :'''RJ''': ''[measures the log with a measuring tape]'' Let me ask ya, how long's it takes, you know, to fill the log? :'''Heather''': 274 Days. :'''RJ''': Ooh! Ever done it in a week? :'''Verne''': That's impossible. :'''RJ''': Not if we work together. You see, you got the food-gathering skills, I got the know-how, and they have the food. :'''Heather''': How much food? :'''RJ''': Loads of food! Heaps of food! Food out the wazoo! :'''Verne''': Well, whatever kind of food comes out of a wazoo, I don't think we're interested in eating it. :'''Lou''': I don't know, the guy's making a lot of sense to me. I think we should listen. :'''Penny''': Yeah, I'm OK with wazoo food here. :'''Verne''': No, you're not. The tail is tingling. :'''RJ''': ''[confused]'' Hold on, hold on. The what is what? :'''Verne''': When something doesn't feel right, my tail tingles, and let me tell you something, everything you've said so far is driving my tail crazy. :'''RJ''': Listen. Verne, right? This isn't something you need to be afraid of. :'''Verne''': Well, I am. And for good reason. This is not a birthmark. :'''RJ''': ''[cleans up Verne's shell with a toothbrush]'' Aw, that's because you went over there without a guide, Verne. :'''Verne''': Whatever. Thanks for stopping by. We're not interested. :'''RJ''': Not interested in the most delicious food you've ever tasted? :'''Verne''': No! :'''RJ''': Come on. :'''Verne''': Not! Interested! :'''RJ''': OK. I get it. I understand. This is something that you're just not open to. :''[He opens a bag of chips. The orange cloud dust covers everyone up and they were blown back against the log and rocks.]'' :'''Penny''': Jeepers. :'''Hammy''': What is THAAAT!? :'''RJ''': That, my friend, is a magical combination of corn flour, dehydrated cheese solids, BHA, BHT, and good old MSG, a.k.a., the chip. Nacho cheese flavor. :''[He gives some chips to the woodland animals.]'' :'''Stella''': Over here! Toss me one of those! :'''Hammy''': More please! More. :'''Stella''': Yeah, Verne, those were good! :'''RJ''': It's all good! And we're going over there, tonight! Yeah! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Later that night]'' :'''RJ''': Welcome to suburbia. :''[All the animals are amazed by the scenery]'' :'''All''': Wow! Look at that! :'''Quillo''': Hey, Mom, look at us! Look at us! :'''Lou''': Oh, my! Hon, look at this. :''[The porcupine kids admire a glass ball, Heather looks at a sprinkler and Penny admires a cactus]'' :'''Penny''': Jeepers. :'''RJ''': How's that tail, Verne? :'''Verne''': Listen, if anybody in this family gets hurt, I'm holding you personally responsible. :'''RJ''': They're having a good time. I'll take responsibility for that. :'''All''': This is neat. Look at that. Hey, Spike, look at that. :'''Lou''': Hey, Verno, I took a few clippings out of my quills to do a little comparison. Look at this, the grass seems to be greener over here. :'''Ozzie''': Verne, are you certain you came to the same place? :'''Stella''': Yeah, 'cause the raccoon says... :'''Verne''': OK, enough about him. I get it. So he can do a couple of tricks. I mean, it's not like he can walk on water. :''[RJ runs on pool floats]'' :'''RJ''': Hey, everybody! This way to the food! :''[They follow RJ down the road.]'' :'''Spike''': That thing's huge! :'''Hammy''': What is that? :'''RJ''': That is an SUV. Humans ride around in it because they are slowly losing their ability to walk. :'''Penny''': Jeepers, it's so big! :'''Lou''': How many humans fit in there? :'''RJ''': Usually? One. :''[A door opens up, making everyone hide. It was the same woman from before.]'' :'''Gladys''': Hi, this is Gladys Sharp. Your president? Of the homeowner's association? Right. :'''Penny''': Jeepers. :'''Hammy''': What is that? :'''RJ''': Easy, easy, don't worry. That's just a human being. And they are just as scared of us as we are of them. Now, if a human does happen to see you, just lay down, roll over and give your privates a good licking. They love it. :'''Gladys''': The homeowner's charter, which you signed, says the grass is supposed to be two inches, and according to my measuring stick, yours is 2.5. :'''Verne''': Could we just get the food and go? Really, do they have it or not? :'''RJ''': Didn't you see it? It was in the box. They've always got food with them. We eat to live, these guys live to eat! Let me show you what I'm talking about. :''[A montage begins of various humans doing various food related things]'' :'''RJ''': The human mouth is called a "pie hole." The human being is called a "couch potato.” ''[A phone]'' That is a device to summon food. ''[A doorbell]'' That is one of the many voices of food. ''[The door]'' That is the portal for the passing of the food. ''[A moped]'' That is one of the many food transportation vehicles. ''[food trucks]'' Humans bring the food, take the food, ship the food, they drive the food, they wear the food! That gets the food hot. That keeps the food cold. That... I'm not sure what that is. What do you know? Food! That is the altar where they worship food. That's what they eat when they eat too much. That gets rid of guilt so they can eat more food. Food, food, food, food! '''''FOOOOOD!!!''''' So, you think they have enough? Well, they don't. For humans, enough is NEVER enough! And what do they do with the stuff they don't eat? They put it in gleaming, silver cans, just for us. :''[He dumps the trash down.]'' :'''Penny''': Sweet jeepers. :''[Animals cheers]'' :'''RJ''': Dig in! Good, isn't it? :''[Everyone started to rummage through the trash.]'' :'''Heather''': Wow. :'''Penny''': Share there, everyone, share. :'''RJ''': Uh, that's a baby diaper. And that does come out of a wazoo. So, what do you think? Was I right or was I right? And these things are just the scraps! Wait'll you see what comes in the boxes, packages and cans! I'm telling you, stick with me, and in one week we will gather enough food to... To feed a bear! :''[Everyone stared at him.]'' :'''RJ''': Just a figure of speech. :''[They heard a sound of a door opening. Through the pet door is a cat. A cat named Tiger]'' :'''Tiger''': Halt! Intruders! Intruders! Get out, all of you. :'''Gladys''': ''[comes out the door]'' What is it, baby? :''[When she notice the animals, she freaks out.]'' :'''RJ''': What are you doing? :'''Lou''': Well, you said to lick our... :'''RJ''': No! Nix that! RUN! :''[They run for their lives as Gladys swings her broom.]'' :'''Penny''': Run! :'''Gladys''': Get outta here! Shoo! :'''Verne''': To the hedge! :'''Gladys''': Get out of here! I just mopped this patio! Filthy vermin! :''[They made it out of the backyard and back to the forest.]'' :'''Penny''': Verne's right, that was horrible. :'''Lou''': You kids okay? Hon, you alright there? :'''Heather''': We'll find other food, right? :'''Verne''': See what I mean? That's what I was talking about! These humans don't want us around! :'''RJ''': So we scared her, and she overreacted. No biggie. :'''Verne''': No biggie? OH! That is what we call a biggie. :'''RJ''': Come on, think about the food. It was worth it for that food, huh? That stuff is to die for! Let me rephrase that. :'''Verne''': No, "to die for." You nailed that part. Look, maybe our little forest life looks primitive to a guy with a bag. :'''RJ''': What? :'''Verne''': But I think I speak for the whole family when I say we want NOTHING to do with ANYTHING OVER THAT HEDGE! :'''RJ''': Oh, come on! :'''Stella''': I'm done. :'''RJ''': You haven't even tried doughnuts yet! You wanna store fat? That is the way to store some fat. You'll be sweatin' through the winter! - :'''Heather''': We'll eat the bark, right? :'''RJ''': OK, all right, you guys sleep on it! Good idea. I'm gonna check back with you. Shoot! Almost had 'em. :''[Later, RJ had settled himself up on a tree.]'' :'''Verne''': Good night, Heather. :'''Heather''': Good night. :'''Verne''': Good night, Ozzie. :'''Ozzie''': Good night. :'''Verne''': Good night, Lou. :'''Lou''': Good night there Verne. :'''Verne''': Night, Penny. :'''Penny''': Good night. :'''Verne''': Good night, Hammy. :'''Hammy''': Good night Verne. :'''Verne''': Night, Bucky. :'''Bucky''': Good night. :'''Verne''': Good night, Spike. :'''Spike''': Good night, Uncle Verne. :'''Verne''': Good night, Quillo. :'''Quillo''': Night, Uncle Verne. :'''Verne''': When we wake up, only 273 days left till winter. :'''Stella''': That's enough, Verne. :'''Verne''': Good night, 273. :'''RJ''': Spuddies... Cooler... Wagon... Redder wagon. :'''Vincent''': Time's up, RJ. :'''RJ''': But I have six more days! <hr width="50%"/> :'''RJ''': No! OK. Four paws, fur. Still alive, still alive. [There are two daughters by named Shelby and Mackenzie] :'''Shelby''': So, what are you saying? You want me to take 'em to his house? :'''Mackenzie''': No. :'''Shelby''': Then what are you saying? :'''Mackenzie''': Jimmy was pushing me on the bus. :'''Shelby''': He likes you. :'''Mackenzie''': No way, he's a creep. Next time he shoves you, beat him up. :''[RJ looks at his list and smiles, realizing that the wagon is the first thing on the list.]'' :'''RJ''': Yes! :''[On the ground, all the animals are forging food.]'' :'''Lou''': OK, kids, dive in. There it is. Bark for breakfast! :'''Spike''': I want a doughnut! :'''Quillo''': I want pizza. :'''Penny''': No, you don't. :''[Stella sighs, picking a few leaves. Hammy carved a triangle bark with his teeth and tried to taste it.]'' :'''Verne''': Okay. This is great. ''[eats bark]'' Granted, it takes some time to chew. But that... That was very satisfying. And, by the way, lots of fiber in there too. Lots. :'''RJ''': ''[as he enters]'' I gotta admit, that does look tasty. :'''Verne''': ''[spits out his bark]'' What are you doing here? :'''RJ''': I'm here to help you with your...foraging thing. ''[Verne still looks at him]'' Look, Verne, you said a word yesterday about your little gang here. It starts with an F, do you remember what it was? :'''Verne''': ''[confused]'' Family? :'''RJ''': Right, right, that. You know, that got me right here. You see, Verne, I used to have all of that. My own place, surrounded by loved ones, universal remote. But then all that went away with...the weed hacker incident. ''[starts breaking down]'' Oh, God. :'''Hammy''': Oh, come here! ''[runs to hug RJ, who pats him on the head]'' :'''Lou''': Yeah, that feels good, doesn't it? :'''Verne''': Oh, brother. :'''Penny''': We could always use the extra hand there, you know. :'''Hammy''': The weed hacker, Verne. The weed hacker. :'''RJ''': ''[gently pushes Hammy away]'' Okay, not your problem. I'll just go. ''[He turns to leaves sadly]'' This is me...going. Really nice getting to know you. Hey, I'm sure I'll see you around the forest. Take care. :''[Bucky hits Spike]'' :'''Penny''': Don't hit. :''[Ozzie poses dramatically while Heather rolls her eyes]'' :'''Hammy''': ''[breaks down]'' Oh... :'''Verne''': ''[gives in]'' All right, all right. Hey, uh, RJ? ''[RJ he stops secret smirks]'' You can...You can stay. :'''RJ''': WOO-HOO! ''[joyfully hugs Verne]'' Come here, ya big lug! I knew beneath this hard, crispy outside there was a soft, nougat-y center in there. ''[gives Verne a knucklehead down his shell]'' Do you mind if I call you Uncle Verne? :'''Verne''': ''[sternly]'' With every bone in my body. :'''RJ''': Great. Hey, can I work with Hammy? ''[walks with Hammy]'' :'''Hammy''': Wanna help me find my nuts? :'''RJ''': Very tempting, Hammy. Very tempting, but first, I wanna show you...this! ''[shows Hammy a cookie]'' You like this cookie? :'''Hammy''': Oh, ho, ho! :'''RJ''': Well, this cookie's junk! ''[throws the cookie out]'' :'''Hammy''': ''[mournfully]'' But I like a cookie. :'''RJ''': Easy, easy, don't worry. I know where to find cookies so great, they'll hand delivered by personal owners. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shelby''': And the Doyles' is the yellow house. They only ordered one box. :''[RJ and Hammy on a tree, spying on the girl scouts.]'' :'''RJ''': And there they are. America's most coveted cookies. Love Handles, Skinny Mints, Neener Neeners and Smackeroons. And guess what? They're all yours! Whoa, Hamilton. Hold on there, fella. I love your energy, but you can't take 'em. :'''Hammy''': But you just said they're mine! :'''RJ''': They will be, ''if'' we successfully marry your manic energy to my brilliant plan. You with me, kid? :'''Hammy''': I-I-I-I-I-I- :'''RJ''': The 'ayes' have it. Let's ride. :'''Shelby''': I thought Mrs. Johansson was to allergic to chocolate. :'''Mackenzie''': Really. :'''Shelby''': Yeah. If she eats it her face explodes or something. :'''Mackenzie''': That is like so unfair. Wait, wait. How many boxes of...? :''[As RJ and Hammy hid themselves under the car, Hammy is talking to his reflection.]'' :'''Hammy''': ''[to the reflection]'' Hey! You stay away from those cookies. They're mine! :''[RJ taps on the car, making the squirrel yelp. ]'' :'''Hammy''': ''[points to the reflection]'' Hey, this guy's not coming, is he? Cause I don't want him to. :'''RJ''': Oh, we have so much work to do. Come on, step into my office. Now listen up. What we're going for here is a vicious, man-eating rabid squirrel. Can you handle that? :'''Hammy''': ''[raises hand]'' Um, excuse me. :'''RJ''': Yes...Hammy? :'''Hammy''': Rabbits aren't vicious, they're all cute and cuddly, so... :'''RJ''': Rabi-d, not rabbi-t. :'''Hammy''': Oh... ''[confused]'' What? :'''RJ''': Okay. ''[starts to fuzz Hammy, spits and make his hair all wet.]'' So first we're gonna muss the hair. That's looking good. All right, now we're gonna... We're gonna mat the fur a little bit. A little puff on the tail... Stop it! Puffier. Liking that a lot. Show me that wild look in your eye, boy. Come on! :'''Hammy''': I can burp my ABCs! ''[burping]'' A, B, C. :'''RJ''': Hammy! I just really need you to focus right now, OK? :'''Hammy''': OK. :'''RJ''': Thank you. Let's see. ''[he rummage through and pulls out a whip can]'' There we... Hang on a minute. Not that, not that. No, no. Nice! :''[Meanwhile, Verne came out of the hedge, searching for Hammy.]'' :'''Verne''': Hammy? :''[RJ had finsihed putting some cream around Hammy's mouth.]'' :'''RJ''': Done! Now, come on. I'll be right behind you. Go on, get out there. Shoo, shoo! :'''Hammy''': I am a crazy rabid squirrel! I want my cookies! I'm rabid! I'm foaming at the mouth. I'm foaming, very scary rabid squirrel. :''[The girls stare at him in disgust and check over the book about rabies.]'' :'''Girls''': RABIES!! :'''Hammy''': Hey, it's working! :'''RJ''': Behind you! :'''Hammy''': I know. You're right behind me. :''[The girl swats him with the book.]'' :'''Mackenzie''': Got it! :''[Hammy tries to get away and he ends up cornered by the book.]'' :'''Shelby''': Stand back! :'''Hammy''': No, no, no, no! Oh, no! :'''Shelby''': Take that! ''[She sprays]'' :'''Hammy''': AAAAAHHHHH!!! :'''RJ''': Walk it off! Just walk that one off! :'''Verne''': What is going on? Is that Hammy? :'''RJ''': Everything's under control. Just go back to the hedge. :'''Verne''': You call that under control? He's under attack! :'''RJ''': He's working! :'''Verne''': I'm coming, Hammy! :''[He goes after to save Hammy]'' :'''RJ''': Verne! No! What are you doing!? Watch out! :''[Caught in a streetsweeper's brushes, Verne is shot out shell less onto one of the girls’ faces, then she screaming.]'' :'''Mackenzie''': Hold still! I got it! Stay still. :'''Shelby''': Help me! Get off of me! :''[One of the girls knocked Verne out of her girl's face and are both disgusted that the turtle is naked.]'' :'''Mackenzie''': Yuck! :'''Shelby''': Gross! :'''Mackenzie''': Ew! Nasty! :'''Shelby''': Oh, my God, this is so gross! :'''RJ''': Verne! That was great! You, my friend, are a natural. Or, should I say, au naturel. :''[Verne gets embarrassed that he is naked and covered himself with a cookie.]'' :'''RJ''': Hammy, you were awesome, my man! You had me scared. I was about to come out and beat you with a book myself. You're all right, aren't ya? Of course you are. You are Hammy! Those bruises are gonna heal. You know what? Chicks dig scars. :''[Getting is shell back one, he notice the girls and their mother. He hides behind a mail post.]'' :'''Girls''': There! He was right over there! :'''Shelby''': That's where the squirrel attacked us! He has, like, rabies or something. :'''Mackenzie''': There was this gross, naked, amphibian thing. :'''Verne''': ''[offended]'' Reptile. :'''Janis''': It's OK, girls. Go inside, have a cookie, turn on the TV and calm down. :'''Shelby''': Thanks, Mom. :'''Gladys''': ''[comes into the scene]'' I'm sorry, Janis, did l just hear them say "rabid squirrel"? :'''Janis''': I think they might just be overreacting. :'''Gladys''': But what if they're not? What if we have a potential pandemic on our hands? Vermin running loose, spreading disease and lowering our property values? :'''Janis''': Yeah. I have a casserole in the oven. Gotta run. :'''Gladys''': Fine. You worry about your casserole, and I'll worry about the end of suburban peace and tranquility! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Verne made his way back to see RJ giving out cookies to the woodland animals.]'' :'''RJ''': That's right. Don't push. Plenty for everybody. Got a box right over here for ya, Penny. :'''Penny''': Jeepers, that is good. Kids, eat up! Anything that tastes this good has to be good for you. :'''RJ''': You feel that buzz in the back of your skull? :'''Penny''': Yeah. :'''RJ''': That's called a sugar rush. It's what keeps humans going. It's why they don't hibernate. You top that off with a little of this, and what usually takes you all summer is only gonna take us a week. :''[Hammy is about to drink the energy soda can. But RJ he stop him.]'' :'''RJ''': Hold on, Hamsquad. The last thing you need is caffeine. That's right. Come on, dig in. Because this, my friends, is just the beginning. :'''Verne''': What? :''[All night, the animals started stealing food to fill up the log. RJ gives the porcupine kids down the grass to steal backpacks and a few game consoles. Later on, they steal Gladys food and pizza boxes, much to her anger. RJ and Heather listen to music on a Walkman, The porcupine parents used their quills and steal hot dogs. They play cards in the night]'' :'''Hammy''': Read it and weep. :''[At a birthday party, Stella popping out of a birthday cake, causing the kids screaming in horror and running away, then RJ and the gang snatches the food, and marks the paper and placing to the hedge, Once Gladys left her house, she saw the destruction in the neighborhood and goes to get her phone call.]'' :'''Gladys''': Hello? I need every business listing you have under "exterminator." :''[RJ is on a tree, checking the list that the ice cooler is next. He gets a plan and tells the animals to get ready. Verne is still being left out until he heard a car screech and a thud.]'' :'''Verne''': Ozzie! :''[He heads over. There are boys named skeeter and timmy. Looking down at Ozzie, who is playing dead.]'' :'''Timmy''': Whoa, Mom! You hit a possum. :'''Debbie''': Oh, my goodness. :'''Timmy''': Do you think it's dead? :'''Verne''': Oh, no. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Timmy''': Wow! :'''Boy''': Touch it. :'''Skeeter''': Can I poke him? :'''Debbie''': No! These poor little creatures. :'''Mackenzie''': What's going on? Come check it out. It's a dead possum. :''[The animals made their way to the cooler while the humans gathered around.]'' :'''Gladys''': Debbie? I don't remember seeing a permit app for a gathering. Groups of more than one who wish to get... AAAH! :'''Debbie''': ''[to his son]'' Timmy, get the shovel from the car. :''[Ozzie gasps. RJ motions for Ozzie to do something.]'' :'''Ozzie''': Lights fading, limbs growing cold. - I see a tunnel. :'''Verne''': ''[dismayed]'' Oh, no. :'''Ozzie''': Mother, is that you beckoning me into the light? Must move toward the light. :'''Timmy''': What do you think he's doing? :'''Skeeter''': Maybe we knocked his brains loose or something. :'''Verne''': I'm tellin' you, you went to far this time. Let's get out of here and leave this ''[picks up the blue cooler]'' You're dangerous! You're insane?! :'''Ozzie''': Sweet mother, I'm going HOME! ''[coughs]'' '''''Goodbye'', cruel world!?''' ''[notices the flowerpot on the sidewalk]'' OHH! OHH! ''[whispers]'' Rosebud. ''[groans as he spins around, then falls on the ground and passes out]'' :'''Skeeter''': Now can I poke him? :'''Debbie''': No! :'''Gladys''': You see? This is exactly why I called the exterminator, to kill them before they get hurt like this. :'''Verne''': Everybody, get out of here right now! :'''RJ''': Right! Kids, grab those handles. Get the stuff. :'''Verne''': What? :'''Hammy''': Here we go. I threw out my back. :''[They carry the cooler but they hit a mailbox, causing the food to be spilled out. Verne looked and saw what appears to be a truck.]'' :'''RJ''': Let's go. :'''Stella''': Get down. :''[They gather up the food and hide. Vern hides behind the car and watches the truck arrive.]'' :'''Verne''': Oh, no. :''[Shelby gasps amazed]'' :'''Dwayne''': ''[first words]'' Ha! I believe someone phoned about an animal problem? The solution is standing before you. Dwayne LaFontant is here. :'''Gladys''': Where have you been? I'm throwing a "Welcome to the Neighborhood" party, tomorrow and so far Debbie's car has killed more animals than you have. :'''Dwayne''': Stand down, sister. I personally guarantee that there will not be a living thing at this party. The Verminator is on the job. :''[The animals continue gathering the food into the cooler.]'' :'''Verne''': Leave it. Leave it! :'''Dwayne''': Now, what do we have here? ''[inhales]'' [[W:Virginia opossum|Didelphis marsupialis virginianus]]. Approximately ten pounds. ''[inhales]'' Male. :'''Debbie''': I think he's dead. :'''Dwayne''': Oh, really? Do you in fact have a associates degree from VermTech? I think he wants you to think he's dead. :''[The animals drag the cooler into the hedge.]'' :'''Lou''': Go! Go! :'''RJ''': Move, move! That's it! Run! Go, voluntary shock state. :''[RJ look back at Ozzie signals winked back]'' :'''Dwayne''': Look at him closely. You can see him breathing. :'''Gladys''': I certainly hope he's not in any pain. :''[Ozzie leaps up and runs to the hedge.]'' :'''Dwayne''': What the...? :'''Gladys''': AAHH! Kill it! Kill it! :'''Ozzie''': Thank you all for coming! You were a great audience! :'''Boys''': Oh, man! :'''Dwayne''': All right, what am I up against here? Possum, porcupine, skunk, squirrel, raccoon, amphibian. :'''Verne''': Reptile. :'''Dwayne''': No. Reptile. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lou''': That's what I call a super-duper performance there. :'''Hammy''': I wanna do it again! :'''RJ''': Beyond super. They were riveted, man. You were awesome! :'''Heather''': Dad. I just gotta say, that was... that was pretty good. :'''Bucky''': Props for the Ozman! :'''All''': Ozman! :'''Ozzie''': But let's not forget our brilliant leadership: RJ. :'''Animals''': RJ! :'''Heather''': Hey, RJ, come this way. We wanna show you something. :'''RJ''': Yeah, sure. :'''Quillo''': Sweet. :'''RJ''': What a team! :'''Stella''': That raccoon knows what he's doing. :'''Lou''': You're my hero there, fella. :'''Heather''': Over here, this way. :'''Spike''': RJ, come on! :'''Quillo''': Yeah, we wanna show you something. Come on, hurry! :''[The animals, except Verne, shows RJ a surprise; his new home]'' :'''Stella''': Check it out. ''[RJ looks around at some random objects of his new home]'' Your new home! :'''Hammy''': ''[gestures at the baby car seat]'' And look, we got a place for you right here! :'''RJ''': That's for me? :'''Lou''': Yeah, is this anything like what you had, RJ? :'''RJ''': This isn't anything like what I had, Lou. :'''Hammy''': ''[hands RJ a can of caffeine]'' Here, I'm not supposed to drink this. :'''RJ''': Thanks. ''[to Heather, who sits on RJ's bag]'' Oh. ''[clears his throat]'' Is that my bag? :'''Heather''': Yeah, we brought it in here so you wouldn't have to sleep in that old tree. :'''RJ''': Really? Wow. :'''Bucky''': Hey, RJ, check this out! We totally hooked up the TV. :'''Quillo''': I hot-wired the HD converter. :'''Spike''': We get like 1,000 channels! :'''Heather''': Here, can you take the remote before my dad does? :'''RJ''': Wow. A universal remote? This is nice, guys. Really nice. ''[turns on the TV]'' :'''TV Announcer''': And now, we return to "A Scoundrel Among Us". :'''Woman''': You should be ashamed of yourself! We let you into our family, and you deceived us! ''[RJ changes the channel]'' :'''Man''': I gave you my heart, and then you ripped it into a million pieces! ''[RJ changes the channel again]'' :'''Dr. Dennis''': Get real, Kevin. Because when you feel like a dirtbag, it's because you're a dirtbag, right? So just say it out loud: "I am a dirtbag." :'''Lou''': "Dirtbag"? I don't think that guy's a real doctor. What've you think there, RJ? ''[notices RJ has gone]'' RJ? :''[They realized that RJ has ran off.]'' :'''RJ''': Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, RJ. What are you doing, man? You are getting in way too deep. Just get the food. Feed the bear. Get the food. Feed the bear. '''''WAAH!''''' Where's the food? Where's the food?! '''''WHERE'S THE FOOD?!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[RJ comes out of the hedge and sees Verne pulling the wagon of food away from the forest.]'' :'''RJ''': Verne. What are you doing? :'''Verne''': I'm getting things back to the way they were. :'''RJ''': No, don't. How about I just leave? ''[picks up the Spuddies and placed it back on the pile]'' :'''Verne''': Good. You leave, and I return this stuff to the rightful owners. :'''RJ''': What?! Why? :'''Verne''': Because we've angered the humans. And we don't wanna end up like that rabbit. Hence, I'm giving this back so they won't kill us. :'''RJ''': Verne, you don't understand! We need this stuff! :'''Verne''': [[The Lion King|No, we don't!]] :'''RJ''': You can't take it! :'''Verne''': Yes, I can! :'''RJ''': Let go! :'''Verne''': You let go! :'''RJ''': I have to have it. :'''Verne''': No! :''[Verne pulled the wagon and RJ fell. Once he got up, he notice what appears to be a chain that is attached to a doghouse. He gasps, dropping the chain.]'' :'''RJ''': ''[quietly]'' Verne. Move slow, keep your voice low and follow me. :'''Verne''': What? :'''RJ''': SSShhhhh! :'''Verne''': Oh, no! :'''RJ''': SSShhhhh! :'''Verne''': Oh, no! I'm not falling for any more of your smooth talk! I don't know what you're up to, but my entire shell is tingling. Know what? I'm listening to it this time, and I'm putting my foot down. :'''RJ''': No, no. ''[A dog named Nugent]'' :'''Nugent''': Play? ''[squeaky toys]'' :'''Verne''': ??? :'''Nugent''': Play! ''[???]'' Play, play, play! :'''RJ''': Play, play, play, play, play! :'''Nugent''': Play! :'''Doll''': ''[RJ gets string caught on a Y-shaped stick]'' Let's play! :'''Nugent''': Play? ''[camera perspective changes]'' Play! Play! Play! :'''RJ''': Down, boy. Sit. Roll over! :'''Nugent''': Play! :'''RJ''': Play dead! :'''Nugent''': Play! :'''RJ''': Attaboy, Verne. Save the food, I'll lose the dog. :'''Nugent''': Play. :'''Verne''': Huh?! :'''Nugent''': Play, play, play, play. Play, play, play, play. :'''Verne''': Oh, no! No, no, no, no. :'''RJ''': You're dropping all the food, man! Here, catch. :'''Nugent''': Play! :'''RJ''': Are you hungry? Look, food! ''[The dog went around the man cooking hot dogs, the gas tank got attached to the wagon.]'' :'''BBQ Barry''': Oh, my back! :'''RJ''': Look, people! Play with them! :'''Lunch Table Larry''': Look out! :'''Woman''': Stop! What's he doing? :'''Lunch Table Larry''': What was that? :'''Nugent''': Play, play, play, play. :'''Verne''': I'm all right, I'm fine. It's okay. It's... ''[The tank gets released, making the wagon go faster.]'' :'''RJ''': Verne, unhook the chain! ''[The take is off chain on the dog got released.]'' :'''Nugent''': Play! :'''RJ''': No! ''[He catches chips]'' Yes. ''[The wagon went straight up the slide and into the air]'' :'''Verne''': Oh! :'''RJ''': Dah! :'''Verne''': Oh, boy. :'''RJ''': WHOA! ''[the wagon had stopped flying and then started to fall. While that happens, the chips went flying out of the can]'' Verne, I told you to unhook the chain!m''[The wagon begins falling. Verne leaps onto an umbrella and so did RJ with the can of chips. He drop it.]'' :'''Gladys''': Garbage cans are not to be on the curb before eight... ''[The wagon and cooler fell into her car, and it exploded.]'' :'''Verne''': You're the devil. :'''Both''': ''''''AAAAAHHHHH!!!'''''' ''[They fall into ack to the forest where the other animals wonder where Verne and RJ are before they backed away. RJ and Verne land on the ground but the food is all gone.]'' :'''RJ''': ''[devastated]'' No...! ''[covers his mouth]'' No...! :'''Lou''': Verne, are you alright there!? Gimme a hand, Oz. :'''Ozzie''': ''[gets up]'' Oh, sure, sure. :'''Penny''': What the heck happened? :'''RJ''': It's gone. The food! '''''GOOOOOOOONE!''''' :'''Stella''': What? :'''Heather''': Gone? :'''Stella''': How's it gone? :'''RJ''': Ask... ''HIM!'' ''[angrily points at Verne]'' :'''Penny''': Verne? :'''Verne''': ''[annoyed and resigned]'' I returned it to its rightful owners. :'''Lou and Ozzie''': '''''WHAT?!''''' ''[they drop Verne]'' :'''Heather''': We, like, worked our tails off, y'know? Like a lot! And the food we gathered was totally...you know! And you're...you're all whatever! :'''Ozzie''': Yeah, Verne, What were you thinking?! The log was full! :'''Verne''': Full of ''junk. [Ozzie is appalled as are the others]'' :'''Lou''': Oh, so what're ya saying there? That the food we gathered ''our'' way isn't as good as the food we gathered ''your'' way? ''[he and Ozzie walk away]'' :'''Verne''': ''Your'' way? ''[referring to RJ]'' You mean ''his way''. Can't you see RJ's just using you? :'''Penny''': ''[gasps]'' Verne! Shame on you, RJ wouldn't do that! :'''Verne''': You've gotta trust me on this! Don't you understand that there is something wrong with this guy? My tail tingles every time I get near him! :'''Stella''': Oh, so we're supposed to go all hungry 'cause your butt's vibratin'? I'm startin' to think that tingle of yours is just you bein' jealous! :'''Verne''': Jealous? Of ''him?!'' :'''Lou''': Yeah! He's embracing the future there, and now you're just holding us back! :'''Verne''': Oh, I hold you back, alright! From extinction! ''[to RJ]'' You see what you've done here? If they listened to half of the stuff that you're telling them, they'll be dead within a week! [[The Rescuers|You are only interested in taking advantage of them '''''because they are too stupid and naive to know any better!?''''']] :'''Hammy''': ''[the animals having heard what Verne said, he was heartbroken]'' I'm not stupid. :'''Verne''': ''[turns to the animals, who are shocked and appalled]'' Okay, I didn't mean, um...I mean ignorant. To the ways over-over there. C'mon, you guys. You know I didn't mean it like that. ''[the animals start to walk away]'' Don't-Don't do this. Stella? Ozzie? ''[turns to Hammy]'' Hammy, you know I didn't... ''[Hammy pushes his hand away]'' Hammy? :'''Hammy''': I'm not stupid. ''[walks away]'' :'''Verne''': ''[shocked]'' Please. ''[Hammy takes RJ's hand and RJ shakes his head at Verne. as Verne witnessed that, he sighs with grief and sadly begins to walk the other direction]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Spike''': Good night, Uncle RJ. :'''RJ''': Good night, kiddo. :'''Vincent''': Moon's full, RJ. See ya in the morning. :''[RJ sighs and looked at the children before he pulled out his list. He hears something coming from the backyard.]'' :'''Dwayne''': This'll cut you down to size! :''[He looks over to see Dwayne putting traps around the backyard.]'' :'''Dwayne''': I got ya! :'''Gladys''': Is it done? :'''Dwayne''': Affirmative. :'''Gladys''': And did you put this one in? ''[after installed a lot of traps]'' What about this one, this Depelter Turbo? :'''Dwayne''': That's a contraband item, ma'am, as it is illegal in every state, ''[with his hand over his heart]'' except Texas. :'''Gladys''': I don't care if this violates the Geneva Conventions, I want it. :'''Dwayne''': I thought you might, so I took the liberty of installing it for you. ''[as he tosses a stuffed teddy bear in it]'' Adios, animal infestation. :'''RJ''': ''[horrified at the sight before him]'' ''''''AHHHHH!!!''''' ''[We see it in a cage, with outside burned off]'' :'''Gladys''': Oh my. ''[chuckles, laughing]'' ''[RJ sits on the root, looks up at the full moon, pulls out the list, and sadly crumpled it up]'' :'''RJ''': ''[to himself]'' What have I done? :'''Verne''': I shouldn't have taken all that food. :'''RJ''': What? :'''Verne''': I shouldn't have taken all that food. I was just trying to return things to the way they were. That's all. I was just being cautious, 'cause that's what I am. I'm naturally tentative. There's even places in my shell I haven't been. You, on the other hand. You're, like, cool and crazy and fearless. ''[sits down next to RJ]'' I think they're right. I think I'm just jealous. :'''RJ''': ''[sighs]'' Verne, believe me. You should not be jealous of me. You...You got a good thing here. You're just trying to do what's best for your family. :'''Verne''': And I think ''you're'' what's best for them now. :'''RJ''': What about your tail? :'''Verne''': Eh...My head says "listen to my tail," and my tail says "just listen to my head," and I just...end up with an upset stomach. That's why you need to be in charge now. :'''RJ''': You don't really know what's going on here. :'''Verne''': And you do! So...what's the problem? :'''RJ''': ''[hands Verne his crumpled-up list]'' This, Verne, is the problem. You see this? ''[hears the sound of a vehicle backing up]'' :'''Verne''': I'm listening. :'''RJ''': Just... :'''Verne''': Uh-huh? :'''RJ''': Just hang on a 2nd. :'''Verne''': Alright. :''[RJ climbs up a tree to see Gladys having food delivered to her house]'' :'''Delivery Man''': Hey, uh, you the lady throwing the party? :'''Gladys''': Yes. Just to the right. There are protected booties to put on over your shoes. :'''RJ''': ''[sees a container of Spuddies in one of the boxes]'' Yes! Yes! :'''Verne''': ''[appears behind RJ with the list]'' Um, uh, what is this? :'''RJ''': What? Oh. That... :'''Verne''': Mmm-hmm? :'''RJ''': ...is a...list... :'''Verne''': Of? :'''RJ''': ...of all the stuff that you've lost, Verne. :'''Verne''': Really? :'''RJ''': Well, it's a big, long list. You can see that. :'''Verne''': Well, you're an organized little guy, aren't ya? Nice job. :'''RJ''': But, you know what? I know place that's so chockful of food, ''[takes the list from Verne]'' we can get it all back in one night. :'''Verne''': Great. Let's go. Where is it? :'''RJ''': Inside that house. :'''Verne''': ''[leans over to get a view]'' What? ''[falls off the branch]'' :'''RJ''': Verne! ''[tries to catch Verne, but only grabs his shell; examines it]'' What is the point of this thing? :'''Verne''': ''[from below; off-screen]'' Just send it down. :''[Scene switches to RJ talking to the other animals about Verne]'' :'''RJ''': What Verne's trying to say is...I mean, it's hard to really sum it all in just one word... :'''Verne''': ''[quietly stops RJ, to the animals]'' I'm sorry. :'''Hammy''': Aww, come here! :''[The animals all huddle up for a big group hug]'' :'''RJ''': That's right. OK! Listen, stay in the huddle. Here's the plan. Now, the traps are set here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here. Here, here, here, here. Big one here, here, - and maybe a few over here. :'''Penny''': Gee, is that all? :'''RJ''': No. There's a bunch of red lights all over here. OK, Verne? Looking a little green. :'''Verne''': I blacked out for a second there, but I get the idea. There's lights, traps... I might need to change my shell. :'''RJ''': ''[getting out Monopoly game pieces]'' Okay, this is us. :'''Hammy''': Can I be the car? :'''Bucky''': ''I'' wanna be the car! :'''Spike''': ''I'm'' the car! You be the ''shoe.'' :'''Bucky''': Shoe is ''lame''. :'''Lou''': Why don't you be that snazzy lookin' iron there? :'''RJ''': Hey, it's not important! Besides, ''I'm'' the car! I'm ''always'' the car. The plan works in three simple steps. Step one, kill the lights. Step two, get inside. Step three, get out with mountain of food. :'''Ozzie''': But this place is like a fortress. Walls, so high. Doors, impenetrable. How will we get in? :'''RJ''': The collar is the key. Literally, the collar. It's like a key that opens the door and if... :'''Stella''': And what? You think he's just gonna hand over his collar to you? :'''RJ''': Not to me, my femme fatale. To you. :'''Verne''': Her? :'''Stella''': Me? :'''RJ''': You, Stella, will get that cat to give you his collar by using... :'''Stella''': My stink. :'''RJ''': ...your feminine charms. :'''Hammy''': Was that out loud? :'''Stella''': Look, raccoon, maybe that mask you're wearing is obstructing your view, but if you haven't noticed, I'm a skunk. :'''RJ''': On the outside, maybe. But I'm looking inside, Stella, and I see a fox. And all we gotta do is get her out. :''[Later, the animals started to stylize Stella.]'' :'''RJ''': Scissors. :'''Stella''': Scissors? :'''Lou''': Here we go. :'''Stella''': Hey! Watch the... :'''Penny''': Charcoal. :'''Stella''': Charcoal? :'''RJ''': Air freshener. :'''Ozzie''': Tomato juice. :'''Verne''': Cork. :'''Stella''': Cork? Don't you dare. :'''Porcupine Kids''': Get 'em! Score! Yeah! :'''RJ''': One more thing. :'''Stella''': Ow! :'''RJ''': Whoa. Stop. That's it. Ladies and gentlemen, our work here is done. :'''Lou''': Oh, my. :'''Penny''': Big jeepers. :'''Heather''': She's all like, wow. :'''Stella''': What? :''[Stella looked and saw that she was all black and she can see since her long bangs were cut off.]'' :'''Stella''': Oh. Meow. :'''Animals''': Whoa! Amazing! :'''Heather''': Gosh, she looks... Wow. :'''RJ''': All right, gang, this is it. We're going in. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dwayne''': Not again. Dang it! Those things are so lifelike. Curse you, plastic moldsman. :'''RJ''': OK, Hammy. Hammy! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Hammy, I told you that cookie's junk! :'''Hammy''': But I like a cookie. :'''Verne''': What's going on? Is everything OK? :'''RJ''': Here we go! Come on, Hammy, come on. Follow the pretty light. There it is, that's it. That's it, that's it. There it is. Go get it. That's it, that's it. Go get it, you little nut! Bingo! OK, step two. :'''Verne''': I thought we'd be dead by step two, so this is going great! :'''RJ''': Alright, gorgeous, you're on. ''[pushes Stella out of the bushes]'' :'''Stella''': ''[to herself]'' Man, this better be one stupid cat. :'''RJ''': Audio, go! :''[The animals activate a Fisher Price barnyard animal toy. see n say the farmer says. But makes a cow noise]'' :'''Verne''': She's supposed to be a cat. Put it on cat. Maybe the cat likes the cow. Let's hope the cat likes the cow. :'''Tiger''': ''[busts out of his pet door]'' Who goes there?! :'''RJ''': ''[to Stella]'' You're a cat! You're a cat! :'''Stella''': ''[to Tiger]'' You're a cat! ''[RJ facepalms]'' I mean, ''I'm'' a cat. Uh, meow! :'''Tiger''': Yeah. Right. Shoo. Scurry off! Go on! Get away from here! My owner does not give scraps to common strays. :'''Stella''': Common strays? Alright, you asked for it! ''[gets ready to spray Tiger]'' :'''RJ''': ''[whispers]'' Get the collar! :'''Stella''': Gee, that's a nice collar you got on. Mind if I have a look? :'''Tiger''': No, no, no! Come no closer! I must not be so near a creature of the outdoor woods! ''[sneezes into his arm and wipes it onto his face]'' Away with your filth! :'''Stella''': My filth? ''[the animals gasp]'' '''My filth?!''' :'''Penny''': Oh, jeepers, here we go! :'''Stella''': Okay, that's it! I am ''so'' sick and tired of everybody taking one look at me and running away because they think ''I'm'' filthy! Well, I've got news for you, I didn't get all primped and preened to have some overfed pompous puffball tell me he's too good for me! I got makeup on my ''butt'', dude, and you don't even want to ''know'' about the cork! :'''Tiger''': ''''''STOP!''''' No one has ''ever'' spoken to me like that! ''[the animals gasp; Stella startled]'' It is bold. I like it. ''[RJ and Verne smile at each other, and Stella is shown surprised]'' :'''Stella''': Well, believe me, there's more where that came from... -...puffball. :'''RJ''': All right, team, let's boogie. :'''Tiger''': You are strong. Your essence is overpowering. :'''Stella''': What...? What do you mean by that? :'''Tiger''': It is your eyes. :'''Stella''': My eyes. :'''Tiger''': They are luminous. :'''Stella''': Luminous? Dang. :'''Verne''': You know, I think this is the part where I blacked out. Did the little shoes and cars actually get into the house?! ''[He throwing cat collar]'' :'''Stella''': So you got a name? :'''Tiger''': Yes. It is a Persian name, for I am Persian. I was born Prince Tigeriess Mahmood Shabaz. ''[Everyone gets inside the house.]'' :'''Stella''': That's a mouthful. Can I just call you Tiger? <hr width="50%"/> :'''RJ''': Whoa! :'''Heather''': This place is huge. :'''Spike''': Wicked cool. :'''RJ''': Animals are in the house. :'''All''': Wow! :'''Lou''': Oh, my goodness. :'''Heather''': This is so cool. :'''RJ''': Yes! OK, stations, everybody. :'''Ozzie''': Let's boogie! :'''Heather''': We got it. :'''RJ''': Here we go. :'''Hammy''': No grip, no grip, no grip. :'''RJ''': Hammy! Less claw, more pad. :'''Hammy''': Oh, OK. That hurt. :'''Quillo''': ''[turns for the THX Logo on]'' Uh-oh! :'''Tiger''': What was that? :'''Stella''': It....That's just for the sound of my heart. Can't you hear it? ''[She imitates the deep note while Spike kept on being blown away]'' :'''Quillo''': '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!''''' :'''Spike''': This way, that way! ''[he and Bucky switches for the channel to Gladys sleeping. Quillo falls over for the THX logo]'' :'''RJ''': Okay, okay, we're good! Go back to work! :'''Penny''': There you go. ''[Ozzie throws a can to Penny, who throws it to Spike, who throws it to Heather]'' :'''Heather''': ''[to Verne]'' Here, catch! ''[Verne catches for the can then throws it to Lou. Lou rolls for the can down a transparent paper roll and then Hammy grabs can by can and puts it into the wagon. Penny jumps off a cupboard with marshmallows stuck on her quills and grabs a cookie box]'' :'''Lou''': ''[tries to hold a plate of strawberry gelatin]'' Oh, boy. ''[drops the plate, gasps, Heather catches the plate of gelatin. Hammy still catches the food slide down the transparent sheet]'' :'''RJ''': Yes! We're gonna make it. :'''Tiger''': ''[while Hammy catches the food and puts it in the wagon behind him]'' My father.... he had an exceptionally flat face. It was ''so'' beautiful, he could barely breathe! :'''Stella''': Fascinating! ''[The mountain of food for the wagon grows until morning]'' :'''Tiger''': ...Inside, I have a multi-leveled climby thing with a shag carpet. Come, I'll show you! :'''Stella''': NO, no! I-I-I haven't told you about ''my'' life. :'''RJ''': Good, good! Going great, going great! ''[a coffee machine beeps]'' :'''Verne''': ''[pointing at the coffee machine; to RJ]'' What is that? :'''RJ''': ''That'' is what gets the humans out of bed for the morning. ''[he and Verne turn to the TV showing Gladys' bed, where she has vanished, and scream in horror]'' :'''Quillo''': Where'd she go?! :'''Verne''': ''[seeing Gladys coming down the stairs]'' Get down and stay down! ''[Bucky, Quillo, and Spike hide under a magazine, while the rest of the animals run behind the counter. Gladys yawns]'' Move, move! ''[Gladys pours coffee into a cup. The animals, including RJ, scootch up to look closer. Gladys opens a cabinet and pulls out a box.... with a can of Spuddies behind]'' C'mon, we've gotta go before she comes back. :'''RJ''': ''[short pause; to Verne]'' No, not without those Spuddies! :'''Verne''': What? :'''RJ''': Lou, Penny? Back to the TV! Heather, keep an eye on that human! :'''Heather''': I'm on it, RJ. ''[runs for the staircase]'' :'''Ozzie''': No, Heather, wait! ''[runs after her]'' :'''Verne''': ''[begins to feel his tail tingle again; to himself]'' The tingle, the tingle. ''[to RJ]'' RJ, the wagon's full! Let's get out of here! :'''RJ''': Hang on, Vincent! This will only take a second! :'''Verne''': 'Vincent'? :'''RJ''': ''[jumpy]'' '''WHERE?!''' :'''Verne''': Who's Vincent? :'''RJ''': Oh. Verne, Vincent, simple slip of the bear...TONGUE! Uh, erm.... ''Just bear with me'' is what I.... meant to say. There's no bear! :''[RJ climbs the bottle rack to go for the Spuddies. Meanwhile, Heather is trying to distract Gladys by copying Ozzie]'' :'''Gladys''': Hmm? Oh! :'''Heather''': Lights fading, limbs growing co.... ''[Gladys pathetically she kicks Heather down the stairs while Ozzie watches in horror]'' :'''Ozzie''': Heather? ''[As Gladys walks down the stairs, she realizes that she made herself sick by killing Heather. She runs back upstairs into her room. Ozzie runs towards what seems to be Heather's lifeless body]'' Oh, Heather. :'''Gladys''': ''[Meanwhile, she's talking to the Verminator on the phone]'' There's a dead white rat on my staircase! ''[Heather's eyes suddenly open. It turned out she was playing dead]'' :'''Ozzie''': I thought you were dead. :'''Heather''': I learned for the best, Dad. :'''Ozzie''': (Proudly) That's my girl. :'''RJ''': ''[cut to the kitchen in struggles to retrieve Gladys' Spuddies from the cabinet]'' Oh, come...to Papa. :'''Ozzie''': ''[returns to the animals with Heather]'' We better hurry. We don't have much time. :'''Verne''': ''[tries to stop RJ by grabbing his tail]'' What's going on, RJ? :'''RJ''': Nothing. :'''Verne''': Well then, let's get out of here, because we have what we need. :'''RJ''': No, we don't. :'''Verne''': What are you talking about? ''[pulls on RJ's tail]'' We have more than enough! :'''RJ''': ''[snaps]'' Hey! Listen, I've got about ''this long'' to hand over that wagon load of food to a homicidal bear! ''[for the other animals gasp at RJ's confession]'' And if these Spuddies aren't on the menu, then ''I will be!'' ''Now, let go of my tail!'' :'''Verne''': ''[horrified]'' What? :'''RJ''': ''[Pauses; growls, angrily kicks Verne's arm off]'' Let ''GO!'' ''[As RJ grabs the Spuddies, Verne and RJ fall down which makes the bottles and pans crash, letting Stella, Tiger and Gladys hear the noise]'' :'''Stella''': Uh, I'm sorry, I've gotta go! ''[leaves]'' :'''Tiger''': Stella?! Stella, where are you going?! '''''[[A Streetcar Named Desire (1951 film)|STELLAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!]]''''' ''['''RJ''': '''VERNE, WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!'''] [Gladys runs into the kitchen and screams that the animals are inside as RJ and Verne screams and runs away as Stella returns to the kitchen as he follows her] ['''Verne''': RJ?!]'' Stella! :'''Stella''': ''[?]'' Look, it's not you! It won't work, okay? Because I'm a... ''[Gladys sees her]'' :'''Gladys''': ''[screams; lifts her leg]'' '''''SKUUUUUUUUUUUUNK!''''' :'''Stella''': Yeah, that. ''[Gladys screams and runs]'' Sorry you have to see this. '''''[[The Lego Movie|FIRE IN THE HOLE!]]''''' ''[Stella sprays an entire house. The Stink explodes like a bomb, and a cork flies out. At the same time, the Verminator van arrives. Gladys coughs]'' :'''Stella''': ''[to Tiger]'' The smell doesn't bother you? :'''Tiger''': No. This face was bred for beauty. I can't smell a thing. :'''Stella''': You can't smell... :''[RJ turns and looks at Verne then runs out through the cat door.]'' :'''Verne''': To the door! Go, go, go, go, go, go! ''[Gladys blocks the door without noticing the animals.]'' Run! ''[Suddenly, Dwayne kicks down the other door while wearing a gas mask. The animals (except RJ who is not here) are shocked.]'' :'''Dwayne''': Let's party! ''[The animals run away.]'' '''BUNNIES!!!''' ''[Dwayne accidentally traps Gladys's bunny slippers in a net.]'' :'''Gladys''': Aah! ''[falls over]'' :'''Tiger''': Flee, my love! ''[Dwayne shoots at Stella, but Tiger pushes her out of the way, getting caught in the net.]'' :'''Verne''': ''[to Stella]'' '''''RUN!''''' ''[to the rest]'' That way, outside! ''[As Verne, Hammy, Stella, Ozzie, Heather, Penny, Lou, Bucky, Quillo and Spike try to escape the house by going through the glass door they forgot it was shut and the slam into and slide down it. Dwayne finally has the animals where he has them.]'' :'''Dwayne''': ''[to Verne]'' Buenos dias... ''reptile.'' ''[Dwayne finally catches the animals in with his net gun, then black background.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dwayne''': You've just been verminated. ''[turns to Gladys]'' Whoa. You stink. :'''Gladys''': ''[angrily]'' That's because you ''let them'' into my... house! ''[sobs]'' Those... :'''Dwayne''': Hey, Nancy, stop you're honkin'! These little guys will be disposed of quickly and humanely. :'''Gladys''': No, ''not humanely--''as ''inhumanely'' as possible! ''[???]'' :'''Dwayne''': It was a pleasure doing business with you, ma'am. ''[The caged animals watched RJ leave with the wagon of food, feeling betrayed.]'' :'''Bucky''': What's he gonna do to us, Mama? :'''Penny''': [[The Nightmare Before Christmas|I...I don't know, baby.]] :'''Heather''': ''[clutches her arms around Ozzie while locked in a cage, about to be driven off for extermination]'' I don't wanna die, Dad. Not for real. :'''Ozzie''': There, there, sweetheart. We'll be okay. ''[Stella, from her cage holds Hammy's hand, who is in his own cage, scared]'' :'''Lou''': ''[referring to RJ]'' You were right about him, Verne. We should've listened. Sorry there. :'''Verne''': No. ''[sits down]'' I knew we wouldn't trust him, and I got us into this. I should have known better. <hr width="50"/> :''[RJ had climbed his way to the top of the hill.]'' :'''Vincent''': Wow! :''[RJ looks up to see Vincent leaning against a tree and holding a pair of binoculars.]'' :'''Vincent''': Wow. :'''RJ''': Vincent? :'''Vincent''': So, I was just on my way down here to kill you, but I stopped to watch the show and I gotta say... ''[gives RJ his binoculars and shows Verne and his family being taken away by Dwayne]'' that right there is a thing of beauty. That is the most vicious, deceitful, self-serving thing I've ever seen. ''[chuckles]'' Classic, RJ You take the food and they take the fall. You keep this up, you're gonna end up just like me, having everything you ever wanted. :'''RJ''': But I already had that. :'''Vincent''': What, them? Who are you kidding? You said it yourself, you're a family of one. Always will be. It's how guys like you and me survive. So, a few saps got hurt in the process. Tough, that's life. Trust me, you don't need them. :'''RJ''': Actually...I do. And right now, they really need me. So I really need this! ''[pushed the wagon with all the food]'' :'''Vincent''': ''[enraged]'' '''''RJ!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[The wagon crashes into the street and landed on the windshield.]'' :'''Dwayne''': What the...? :'''Hammy''': There goes my back again. :'''Ozzie''': Are you OK? :'''Stella''': You sorry sack of rat dung. :'''RJ''': Whoa, Stella, this is a rescue. I'm rescuing you. :'''Stella''': I'm gonna gas you so hard your grandchildren'll stink. :'''Verne''': ''[beneath the window]'' Bear! :'''RJ''': What's that? :'''Verne''': Bear! :'''RJ''': Hair? :'''Verne''': Bear! :'''RJ''': Dare? :'''Verne''': ''Bear!'' :'''RJ''': ''[looks back at Vincent]'' Oh! '''''BEAR!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Then Vincent come in the truck, snarling in a Grizzly version.)'' :'''Verne''': We're out of control! :'''Bucky''': We can drive. :'''Spike''': It's just like Auto-Homicide 3! :'''Verne''': What? :'''RJ''': Verne, let me in! Wrong button! Wrong button! :'''GPS''': Please select destination. :'''Hammy''': Take us home! Take us to the log! :'''GPS''': Previous destination selected. Make a legal U-turn. :'''Quillo''': We got it! :'''RJ''': Hammy! Let me in! :'''Hammy''': Not listening to RJ. :'''Verne''': Kids, lose that bear! :'''Bucky''': What weapons do we have? :'''Spike''': We've got a hammer. :'''Quillo''': Cool. :'''Vincent''': You little... :'''RJ''': Thank you! Yes, Yes! ''[The animals end up throwing him out]'' Hey! Let me in, let me in! :'''Ozzie''': No! Ring-tailed charlatan! ''[rolls up the window]'' :'''RJ''': Ozzie! :'''Verne''': He's just trying to help us. Just let him in! :'''Stella''': After what he did to us? :'''Verne''': But he came back. ''[Vincent's roar is heard]'' :'''Lou''': And he brought a bear! :'''Spike''': ''[while driving the van, the others are arguing]'' Hey! No fighting while we're driving. :'''Quillo''': We will turn this van around, mister. ''[The animals were shocked and stunned]'' :'''Lou''': ''[points at Verne]'' He started it. :'''Verne''': I'm telling you. He's just trying to help us, really. :'''Ozzie''': But, Verne, you're the one who always says trust your tail. :'''Verne''': But it's not tingling. :'''All''': Ohhh! :'''Stella''': Why didn't you say so? :'''RJ''': Hey! Thank you, thank you. :'''Vincent''': You're dead, RJ! :'''RJ''': Duck! :'''Vincent''': And your friends are next. :'''Penny''': Look out! :'''GPS''': Make an immediate left turn. :'''Spike''': Bonus points! :'''All''': Yeah! :'''Vincent''': RJ! :'''Bucky''': Yeah! :'''Spike''': Look out. :'''Quillo''': High score. :'''Verne''': No, no, no, no! :''[Glady screams truck horn. Hammy waving hand hello.]'' :'''GPS''': You have arrived. :'''Hammy''': Everybody all right? :'''RJ''': Come on! :'''Stella''': We've gotta go, we've gotta go! :'''Dwayne''': The old jazz dance injury. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penny''': Come on, come on. Quillo! :'''RJ''': Go, go, go. :'''Penny''': Did we make it? :'''Lou''': That was close! :'''Bucky''': All right! :'''RJ''': Are we here? Penny? The kids here? Hammy? :'''Hammy''': Scary clown. :'''RJ''': Look out! :'''Hammy''': A weed hacker, Verne. A weed hacker! :'''RJ''': Hey! Up, up, go up. :'''Gladys''': Show your little rat faces. Filthy creatures. Stay in the woods where you belong. :'''Heather''': Watch out! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dwayne''': You guys wanna party, do you? All right then! Let's Party! :''[Dwayne continues to zap RJ and Verne in the hedge and Vincent claws the hedge]'' :'''Quillo''': Mom! :'''Penny''': Kids! :'''RJ''': Penny, Lou, look out! Down! That's it! Verne, get everybody out of here. I'll distract him. :'''Verne''': Are you crazy? He'll kill you. :'''RJ''': Well, I'm the one he wants. Take care of your family, Verne. :'''Verne''': I intend to. The whole family. There's got to be something we can do. :'''RJ''': There's no time. :'''RJ and Verne''': Hammy! :'''RJ''': ''[pops out from the top of the hedge]'' Hey, Vincent, you were right! ''[holds up a potato chip]'' With a Spuddie, enough ''just isn't enough! [then eats the potato chip]'' :'''Vincent''': ''[last words; outraged]'' '''''RJ!!!''''' :'''Ozzie''': Now, Hammy. Go, go, go! ''[Hammy starts to go crazy as the camera zooms in on his eye, which widens greatly. Cut to the Earth, which slows down and stops spinning completely. Hammy is moving so fast it looks like time itself has stopped. Hammy looks around. Everyone and everything is completely frozen, except for him. He walks past The frozen Dwayne and Gladys before turning on the Depelter Turbo to the highest setting. He then notices the cookie on the roof of Gladys' house. He eats it and dodges the slow moving lasers. He then gets an idea. He places the lawn gnome trap underneath Dwayne's foot. As time slowly resumes, a naked Verne pulls the shell-wearing RJ out of Vincent's mouth. RJ salutes goodbye to Vincent as the bear lands on top of Dwayne and Gladys, setting off the lasers]'' :'''Gladys''': That's the- :'''Dwayne''': The Depelter Turbo. Prepare for a lot of stinging! Oh, no! No, no! No, no! No! ''[A powerful beam of light flashes, reaching all the way to space, destroyed a satellite. Cut to the Milky Way Galaxy, where a small, white light is seen glowed brighter than the other stars. The animals roasting marshmallows and pops popcorn as they watched the three villains getting incinerated by the beam of light]'' :'''Gladys''': My hair! Ouch! :'''Dwayne''': That stung like I knew it would! ''[The three villains are completely fried, nearly completely bald, and trapped in a cage]'' :'''All''': Whoo-hoo! :'''Heather''': Yeah! :'''Stella''': We did it! :'''All''': Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! :'''Stella''': Good job, everybody. That's teamwork. :'''RJ''': Come here, Hammy. Come here. You are a genius, my boy. :'''Hammy''': Oh, thank ''[burps]'' you! :'''Verne''': Eegh! :'''RJ''': And, Verne, don't you ever fix this shell! :'''Verne''': Yeah. Glad it's working for ya. Take it off, give it back. :''[In the neighborhood, two animal rangers carry Vincent away, relocating him to the Rocky Mountains]'' :'''Ranger''': Here we go, off to the Rockies for you, Smokey. :''[At the same time, a scorched up Gladys and Dwayne are lead away in handcuffs by the police for possessing the illegal and inhumane Depelter Turbo]'' :'''Police Officer''': Now, you do realize that was a Depelter Turbo? :'''Gladys''': ''[desperate, wanting arrest to go to jail]'' Officer, please! It was the Verminator! He sold it to me! This has nothing to do with me! :'''Police Officer''': Hey, hey! It was in your yard. Your name's on the contract, so you can tell it to the judge. :'''Gladys''': '''NO! It's not my fault! Let go of me!''' ''[She shoves the officer in a panic-filled rage.]'' :'''Police Officer''': ''Ma'am.'' :'''Gladys''': ''[lasties words]'' '''''[[The Fox and the Hound|I CAN'T BE ARRESTED! I'M THE PRESIDENT OF THE HOMEOWNER'S ASSOCIATION!?]]''''' ''[She attacks the police officer in the face. She tries to run but another cop tackles her]'' :'''Cop''': Take her down! ''[The other Police Officer gets back up and body-slams her.]'' :'''Dwayne''': She's getting away! :'''Police Officer''': We got a twitcher! Watch it! Ma'am! ''[Dwayne tries to take advantage of the cop's attention on fighting Gladys.]'' :'''Dwayne''': ''[to the cops]'' Get her! ''[sneaks away and she karate-kicks one of the officers. They all continue fist fighting as Dwayne walk away in the climbs fence.]'' :'''Police Officer''': ''[faintly]'' Stop that! Can I get help over here? ''[as Dwayne climbs over a fence]'' Somebody get a hold of her legs! ''[Dwayne then accidentally steps on a squeaky toys off-screen]'' :'''Nugent''': ''[off-screen]'' Play?!? :'''Dwayne''': ''[last words]'' Oh, no. No, no! No, no! NO! ''[a bite was heard, results him to screams in pain. Cuts in the hedge and animals cheers]'' :'''Heather''': High five, Hammy! :'''Hammy''': Yes! It worked! It worked! We did it! :'''Stella''': Oh, yes! :'''Tiger''': ''[off-screen]'' Stellaaaaaaaa! Hey, Stella! :'''Stella''': Over here, Tiger. :'''Tiger''': Oh, Stella! Ah, so this is the outdoor woods? I like it. :'''Stella''': Come on, big boy. You're coming with me. :'''Verne''': You know, RJ, uh, just for the record, if you had told us that all that food you were trying to get was to pay back an angry bear, we would have given it to you. :'''RJ''': Really? :'''Verne''': Yeah, that's what families do. They look out for each other. :'''RJ''': I never really had anything like that. :'''Verne''': I know, but believe me, this...This is the gateway to the good life. :'''RJ''': Really wish you've told me that sooner. :'''Verne''': Well, that's bad communication. Also something families do. So, what do ya say? Wanna be part of it? :'''Hammy''': Come here, come here. I promised I wouldn't do this. OK. :'''Ozzie''': Welcome to the family! :'''RJ''': Hey! :'''Heather''': Group hug! :'''RJ''': OK, OK. :'''Verne''': What a first week of spring, huh? Wait a minute! That means there's only 267 days left till winter. What are we gonna do for food?! :'''RJ''': Yes, Hammy. :'''Hammy''': I filled the log. :'''Penny''': Jeepers! :'''Lou''': What...? :'''Hammy''': '''''LOOK, LOOK! I FOUND MY NUTS!''''' ''[slams into the camera]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[During the credits, When "Rocking the Suburbs" plays in the background]'' :'''RJ''': That, my friends, is the object of all human attention and devotion, and they call it...a TV. :'''Quillo''': Wicked cool! :'''RJ''': You see, humans feel an inner need to connect with the world around them. :'''Lou''': That is just super-duper. :'''RJ''': They also feel a need to sit on their fat butts, watching TV fulfills both needs at the same time. :'''Stella''': Wow. Interesting. :'''Penny''': Come on, kids! Family time there, in front of the TV! Got your snack food? :'''Hammy''': Buy a vowel! BUY A VOWEL! Buy a "Y", Please buy a "Y"! :'''Ozzie''': I can't find the remote. :'''Lou''': Hey, Spikey! Race ya! :'''Ozzie''': Has anybody seen the remote? :'''Heather''': Dad, chill. :'''Stella''': I could do a little TV. I think today's the day we find out if the baby is gifted or if Saxon is really an alien. :'''Hammy''': Just Like Khan in '''[[Star Trek II|Star Trek 2]]'''! The Genesis Project was in the hands of the Enterprise, but Khan had his plan to steal the invention and redo all the life! :'''Verne:''': Well, that was specific. :'''Hammy''': I saw it on TNT, a retrospective. :'''Heather''': Gummy Worm, anybody? :'''RJ''': Let me have one. :'''Stella''': Bucky, pass this to Lou. :'''Lou''': Taste this. :'''Spike''': Don't you take that. :'''Verne''': This is the perfect food. :'''RJ''': Fat-free cookies? You might as well just be eating dirt. :'''Hammy''': I've had dirt, I don't like dirt, it tastes like dirt! :'''Heather''': Shh! The Show is starting! :''[The last part of "Rocking the Suburbs" by Ben Folds continues on the credits]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Last lines, after the end credits, RJ is fixed the vending machine]'' :'''RJ''': ''[in a post-credits scene]'' Wait! Hang on a minute. ''[all the chip bags fall down and everyone laughs and cheers]'' Yes, here we go! ''[as he tries to get all the chips out, the lid is stuck, and the machine doesn't budge]'' :'''Hammy''': Kinda anticlimactic. :'''RJ''': Shoot! ==Taglines== * From the creators of [[Shrek]] and [[Madagascar (2005 film)|Madagascar]]. * Get over it. * Taking back the neighborhood one snack at a time. * Ring Leader (RJ tagline) * Shell Shocked (Verne tagline) * Nuts! (Hammy tagline) * Master Blaster. (Stella tagline) ==Voice cast== * '''[[Bruce Willis]]''' — RJ * '''[[w:Garry Shandling|Garry Shandling]]''' — Verne * '''[[w:Steve Carell|Steve Carell]]''' — Hammy * '''[[w:Wanda Sykes|Wanda Sykes]]''' — Stella * '''[[William Shatner|William Shatner]]''' — Ozzie * '''[[w:Nick Nolte|Nick Nolte]]''' — Vincent * '''[[w:Thomas Haden Church|Thomas Haden Church]]''' — Dwayne LaFontant * '''[[w:Allison Janney|Allison Janney]]''' — Gladys Sharp * '''[[w:Eugene Levy|Eugene Levy]]''' — Lou * '''[[w:Catherine O'Hara|Catherine O'Hara]]''' — Penny * '''[[Avril Lavigne]]''' — Heather * '''[[Omid Djalili]]''' — Tiger * '''Sami Kirkpatrick''' — Bucky * '''[[w:Shane Baumel|Shane Baumel]]''' — Spike * '''[[w:Madison Davenport|Madison Davenport]]''' — Quillo * '''Zoe Randol''' — Mackenzie * '''[[w:Jessica DiCicco|Jessica DiCicco]]''' — Shelby * '''[[w:Debra Wilson|Debra Wilson]]''' — Debbie * '''Sean Bishop''' — Police Officer * '''Jeannie Elias''' — Janis * '''Kejon Keese''' — Timmy * '''[[w:Paul Butcher (actor)|Paul Butcher]]''' — Skeeter * '''[[w:Sean Yazbeck|Sean Yazbeck]]''' — BBQ Barry (''[[The Apprentice (British TV series)|The Apprentice]]'') * '''Geoffrey Pomeroy''' — Ranger * '''Joel McCrary''' — Dr. Dennis * '''Lee Bienstock''' — Lunch Table Larry (''[[The Apprentice (British TV series)|The Apprentice]]'') * '''[[w:Brian Stepanek|Brian Stepanek]]''' — Nugent ==External links== {{wikipedia|Over the Hedge (film)}} *{{imdb title|id=0327084|title=Over the Hedge}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2006 computer-animated films]] [[Category:2006 American animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:Heist films]] [[Category:Animated films based on comics]] [[Category:Animated films about raccoons]] [[Category:Animated films about turtles]] [[Category:Animated films about squirrels]] [[Category:Animated films about skunks]] [[Category:Animated films about cats]] [[Category:Animated films about dogs]] [[Category:Animated films about bears]] [[Category:Films set in Indiana]] [[Category:Films directed by Tim Johnson]] [[Category:Films directed by Karey Kirkpatrick]] [[Category:Animated films about revenge]] [[Category:Films about consumerism]] [[Category:Over the Hedge]] [[Category:Films about food and drink]] nvlm31e2djesnawn3npsvtq4ffvejae 0 29585 3949311 3948997 2026-06-05T19:53:49Z ~2026-30783-26 3327539 /* Dialogue */ 3949311 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|Chicken Run}}''''' is a [[w:2000 in film|2000]] British [[w:Clay animation|clay animation]] film produced by [[w:DreamWorks Animation|DreamWorks Animation]], [[w:Aardman Animations|Aardman]] and [[w:Pathé|Pathé]] and distributed by [[w:DreamWorks Pictures|DreamWorks Pictures]], This is a story about a band of chickens who seek escape from their coop before their owners, mild-mannered egg farmer Mr. Tweedy and his overbearing wife, make them all into chicken pot pies. '''''[[Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget]]''''' was a sequel in [[w:2023 in film|2023]]. :''Directed and written by [[w:Peter Lord|Peter Lord]] and [[w:Nick Park|Nick Park]].'' :''Music by [[Harry Gregson-Williams]] and John Powell.'' {{center|'''This Ain't No Chick Flick!''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}} [[File:Model Stalag Luft III.jpg|thumb|"Let's face the facts, ducks. The chances of ''us'' getting out of ''here'' are 1,000,000 to 1."<br />"Then there's still a chance."]] [[File:US-58-from-Corinth-Cemetery-va.jpg|thumb|"You hear that? That's the open road calling my name, and I was born to answer that call. Bye!"<br />"He must have very good hearing."]] [[File:Pullet trio.jpg|thumb|"MRS. TWEEDY! THE CHICKENS ARE REVOLTING!"<br>"Finally, something we agree on."]] [[File:RAF-Badge.svg|thumb|"You mean you never actually ''flew'' the plane?"<br />"Good heavens, no! I'm a ''chicken''! The '''R'''oyal '''A'''ir '''F'''orce doesn't let chickens behind the controls of complex aircraft!"]] [[File:Royal Air Force Bomber Command, 1939-1941. CH3393.jpg|thumb|"You ''have'' to fly it. You're always talking about back in your day. Well, ''today'' is your day!"]] ==Dialogue== :''[Mr. Willard Tweedy walks with the dogs by a flashlight, then shakes a lock, then continues to walk with the dogs. A hen named Ginger has just dug a hole with a spoon to get under the fence. She signals Bunty, Babs, and three other chickens to come over to the fence. But they make a loud noise once they come to the fence]'' :'''Bunty''': ''[loud whispering]'' Shush! :'''Babs''': ''[whimpers]'' :''[Bunty tries to get under the fence, but she is too big. Willard Tweedy hears this and turns around.]'' :'''Bunty''': I'm stuck! :''[Ginger rolls her eyes and goes to help Bunty get under the fence. But Edwina, Babs and the other chickens are making too much noise trying to push Bunty under. Once Ginger arrives to the rescue, she puts her wing over Bunty's beak so that Willard Tweedy doesn't hear her. Unfortunately, the noise of Edwina, Babs and the other chickens trying to push her under the fence attracts the attention of the dogs. Ginger hears the dogs and sees Willard Tweedy trying to hold them back]'' :'''Ginger''': Get back! :''[They all pull her out of the fence, with Ginger pushing, and then lay down. Ginger runs away from the dog, followed by Mr. Tweedy. The dog continues running at Ginger, then another dog runs at her, chasing her by the door. The dogs walk up the stairs and then touch a gnome. The dogs walk up. Ginger she grabs a garden gnome to fend them off. The dog bites the gnome's head off. Then suddenly the doors open. The dogs cower. Ginger spins around to find Melisha Tweedy, Mr. Tweedy's wife, her face icy and expressionless]'' :'''Melisha Tweedy''': [her first words] Mr. Tweedy. :'''Willard Tweedy''': Eh? :'''Melisha Tweedy''': What is that chicken doing outside the fence? :'''Willard Tweedy''':[his first words] Oh.''[giggles]'' I don't know, love. :'''Melisha Tweedy''': Just deal with it. Now! :''[Melisha slams the door. Willard cowers and carries Ginger to an old coal bunker near the side of the barn]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': ''[to Ginger]'' I'll teach you to make a fool out of me. ''[He throws Ginger inside, then closes the top and turns to the other chickens]'' Now let that be a lesson to the lot of you! NO CHICKEN ESCAPES FROM TWEEDY'S FARM! ''[He walks away]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Edwina has been sentenced to the chop after she fails to produce any more.]'' :'''Ginger''': Oh no. Edwina. Bunty, why didn't you give her some of yours? :'''Bunty''': I would have. She didn't tell me. She didn't tell anyone. <hr width=50%/> :''[Bunty, Babs and another hen sneak towards Hut 17 with knitted masks over them. Bunty bangs the door, and Ginger lets them in when she sees who it is, except for Babs, who stands there. Ginger then pulls Babs in by her wing]'' :'''Babs''': Ohh! :''[Nick bangs the door, and Ginger looks to see who it is.]'' :'''Nick''': You called? Nick and-- :'''Fetcher''': Fetcher. :'''Nick''': At your service. :''[Ginger comes out the door. Suddenly, she hears dogs barking and sees Mr Tweedy looking out the farmhouse window]'' :'''Ginger''': Over here! :''[She leads Nick and Fetcher to a corner.]'' :'''Ginger''': We need some more things. :'''Nick''': Right you are, Miss! ''[opens a lunchbox and holds up a couple thimbles]'' How about this quality, hand-crafted tea set? :'''Ginger''': Um, no... :'''Fetcher''': ''[holds up a drain plug on a chain]'' Or this lovely necklace and pendant? :'''Ginger''': Well, it's lovely... :'''Nick''': ''[holds up a badminton birdie]'' Or how about this little number that's all the rage in the most fashionable coops in Paris. Simply pop it on like so... ''[pops it on Ginger's head, feathers side up so that she looks like an Indian]'' And as the French hens say, "Voila!" :'''Fetcher''': That IS French. :'''Nick''': And that's two hats in one, Miss. For parties... ''[turns the birdie over, making it look like a wedding veil]'' ...For weddings! Uh, madame! This makes you look like a vision, like a dream. :'''Fetcher''': Like a duck! :''[Nick glares at him]'' :'''Ginger''': No, thank you. ''[takes off the birdie and shows a diagram of a catapult]'' We're making this. We need these things. Can you get them? :'''Nick''': Ooh-hoo-hoo, ooh, this is a big job, Miss. Uh, bigger than the other ones. No, no, this is gonna cost. :'''Ginger''': Same as always: one bag of seed. ''[hands Nick a bag of chicken feed]'' :'''Nick''': You call this pay?! :'''Fetcher''': It's chicken feed! :'''Ginger''': What else could we give you? :'''Nick''': Eggs. :'''Ginger''': Eggs?! :'''Fetcher''': Eggs. ''[holds up an egg cup and licks his lips]'' :'''Ginger''': We can't give you our eggs. They're too valuable. :'''Nick''': And so are we. ''[packs up to leave]'' After you, Fetcher. :'''Fetcher''': ''[pausely]'' After I what? :'''Nick''': Move! <hr width=50%/> :''[Mr. Tweedy squints out the window, puts a pair of binoculars to his eyes. Continues to stare as he absently chews on a chicken drumstick. Past a half eaten chicken carcass on the dinner table to Mrs. Tweedy, seated at her corner desk, feverishly entering numbers on her hand cranked adding machine.]'' :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[muttering under her breath]'' Fourteen shillings and thrupence ..seven and sixpence...two and nine...fourpence ha‘penny... '''DOH!''' ''[crumpling her paper]'' Stupid, worthless creatures. I'm sick and tired of making miniscule profits. :''[She glances down to the pile of mail on her desk. Beneath the pile, we see the top of a magazine. Mrs. Tweedy slowly slides away the pile of mail to reveal the rest of the magazine. Mrs. Tweedys eyes glimmer as she eyes the magazine and slowly lifts it to her face.]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': Oh, yes. Those chickens are up to summat. :'''Melisha Tweedy''': Quiet. I’m onto something. :'''Willard Tweedy''': They're organized, I know it. :'''Melisha Tweedy''': I said quiet. :'''Willard Tweedy''': ''[whispering]'' That ginger one - I reckon she's their leader. :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[slams her fist down on the desk]'' Mr. Tweedy! :'''Willard Tweedy''': Ah! :'''Melisha Tweedy''': I may finally have found a way to make us some real money around here and what are you on about? Ridiculous notions of escaping chickens. :'''Willard Tweedy''': B-b-but... :'''Melisha Tweedy''': It’s ''all in your head'', Mr. Tweedy. Say it! :'''Willard Tweedy''': It’s all in me head, it’s all in me head... :'''Melisha Tweedy''': Now, you keep telling yourself that because I don’t want to hear another word about it, is that clear? :'''Willard Tweedy''': Yes, luv. ''[on second thought]'' But you know that ginger one, luv... :'''Melisha Tweedy''': '''THEY'RE CHICKENS, YOU DOLT!''' Apart from you, they're the most stupid creatures on this planet! They don't plot, they don't scheme, and they are not '''ORGANIZED!!''' :''[cut to Ginger, slamming the gavel three times]'' :'''Ginger''': ''[on microphone]'' Order! Order! Quiet, everyone! Settle down! I would like to order... Please, if you could just settle-- :'''Fowler''': Quiet here! ''[banging on the table]'' Let's have some discipline in the ranks! What, what! :'''Ginger''': Thank you, Fowler. :'''Fowler''': In my R.A.F days, we were never allowed to waste time unnecessary chitchat. :'''Ginger''': Yes, thank you, Fowler. :'''Fowler''': I... ''[pause]'' Right! ''[chuckling, clears throat, and saluting]'' Carry on. :'''Ginger''': Now, our last escape attempt was a bit of a fiasco. But Mac and I have come up with a brand new plan. Show ‘em, Mac. :'''Mac''': Right. We’ve tried going under the wire and that didnae work. So, the plan is -- we go over it. This is us, right? ''[putting a turnip in the catapult]'' We get in like this- wind ‘er up and let ‘er go! :''[The turnip flies past Fowler and splats against the wall above his head. The chickens gasps and murmur.]'' :'''Fowler''': Good grief! The turnip's bought it! <hr width=50%> :'''Ginger''': Think everyone, think. What haven't we tried yet? :'''Babs''': Uh... :'''Bunty''': We haven't tried NOT trying to escape. :'''Babs''': ''[happily]'' Hmm. That might work. :'''Ginger''': What about Edwina? How many more empty nests will it take? :'''Bunty''': Well, perhaps it wouldn't be empty if she'd spent more time laying and less time escaping! :'''Ginger''': So laying eggs all your life and then getting plucked, stuffed and roasted is good enough for you, it is guilty? :'''Babs''': It's a living. :'''Ginger''': Do you know what the problem is? The fences aren't just around the farm, they're up here ''[Points to head]''. There is a better place out there, beyond on the hill, outdoors, trees and grass. You imagine it. Cool grass green. :'''Agnes''': And who feeds us? :'''Ginger''': We feed ourselves. :'''Hen''': Where is the farm? :'''Ginger''': There is no farm. :'''Babs''': Then where does the farmer live? :'''Ginger''': There is no farmer, Babs. :'''Babs''': Is he on holiday? :'''Ginger''': He isn't anywhere! Don't you get it? There's no morning head count no farmers, no dogs, no coops and locks and keys, and no fences! :'''Bunty''': In all my life, I've never heard such a fantastic... LOAD OF '''TRIPE.''' ''[The chickens start murmuring]'' Let's face the facts, ducks. The chances of US getting out of HERE are 1,000,000 to 1. :'''Ginger''': Then there's still a chance. <hr width=50%/> :''[After everyone is yelling]'' :'''Rocky''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa! Let's back up and start from the top. Where am I? :'''Ginger''': Uh, you're right, how rude of us. We're just very exci– ''[clears throat]'' This is a chicken farm. :'''Babs''': And we're the chickens. ''[winks]'' :'''Rocky''': Ah, I'm with you so far. Chicken farm, chickens… :'''Fowler''': ''[about Rocky]'' I don't like the look of this one. His eyes are too close together. :'''Ginger''': Fowler, please! :'''Fowler''': And he's a ''yank''! :'''Rocky''': Easy, pops. Cockfighting's illegal where I come from. :'''Bunty''': And where is that, exactly? :'''Rocky''': Ah, just a little place I call The Land of the Free, and the Home of the Brave. :'''Mac''': Scotland! :'''Rocky''': No! America! :'''Chickens''': Oooh! America! :'''Fowler''': Poppycock! Pushy Americans, always showing up late for every war. Overpaid, oversexed, and ''over here''! ''[exits Hut 17]'' :'''Rocky''': Hey, what's eatin' Grandpa? :'''Ginger''': Uh, don't mind him, mister… Mister…? :'''Rocky''': The name's Rocky. Rocky the Rhode Island Red. "Rhodes" for short. :'''Agnes''': "Rocky Rhodes"? :'''Rocky''': Catchy, ain't it? :'''Ginger''': Um, Mr. Rhodes, is this you? :'''Rocky''': Uh... who wants to know? :'''Ginger''': A group of rather desperate chickens. You see, if it IS you, then you just might be the answer to our prayers. :''[Rocky nervously looks at the chickens, who giggle anxiously]'' :'''Rocky''': Well, then, call me a miracle, doll face, 'cause that's me. :'''Chickens''': Oooh! :'''Ginger''': ''[Off-screen]'' And what brings you to England, Mr. Rhodes? :'''Rocky''': Why, all the beautiful English chicks, of course. <hr width=50%/> :''[Ginger makes a speech to the hens with Rocky behind her]'' :'''Ginger''': I ''knew'' it was possible. :'''Rocky''': Oh, it's possible alright. :'''Ginger''': I ''knew'' the answer would come. :'''Rocky''': Amen! :'''Ginger''': We're all going to FLY over that fence, and Mr Rhodes is going to show us how, right? :'''Rocky''': That's r... W-w-what, did you say "fly"? :'''Ginger''': You can teach us. :'''Rocky''': No, I can't. ''[The other hens sigh in despair]'' Listen. Shh! You hear that? ''[silence]'' That's the open road calling my name and I was born to answer that call. Bye! ''[dashes out the coop]'' :'''Babs''': He must have very good hearing. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ginger''': So ''that's'' it. You're from the circus. :'''Rocky''': ''[alarmed]'' Shh! :'''Ginger''': You're on the run, aren't you? :'''Rocky''': ''[pulls Ginger behind Hut 17]'' You wanna keep it down?! I'm trying to lay low here! :'''Ginger''': I should turn you in right now! :'''Rocky''': You wouldn't… would you? :'''Ginger''': Give me one reason why I shouldn't. :'''Rocky''': Because I'm… cute? ''[Ginger stares at him and squawks loudly, he quickly clamps her beak shut]'' Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! What kind of crazy chick are you? Do you know what'll happen if he finds me?! :'''Ginger''': It's a cruel world. :'''Rocky''': I've just decided, I don't like you. :'''Ginger''': I've just decided, I don't care. Now show us how to fly. :'''Rocky''': With this wing?! :'''Ginger''': ''Teach'' us, then! :'''Rocky''': No! :''[Ginger squawks again]'' :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[Smiles]'' He's valuable, you say? :'''Circus Man''': Sure. :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[to Mr Tweedy]'' Get the torch. :'''Rocky''': ''[clamps her beak shut again]'' Now you listen here, sister. I'm not going back to that life! I'm a lone free ranger; emphasis on "free"! :'''Ginger''': And that's what ''we'' want - freedom! ''[Rocky notices the Tweedys approaching]'' Fancy that, they're coming this way. :'''Rocky''': Uh, no! Uh, no, they're after me! :'''Ginger''': Teach us to fly, and we'll hide you. :'''Rocky''': And if I don't...? ''[Ginger starts to squawk again when Rocky clamp her beak shut this instant she does]'' Was your father, by any chance, a ''vulture''?! :'''Ginger''': Do we have a deal? ''[Offers her wing to seal the deal. Rocky reluctantly agrees and Ginger pulls him behind Hut 17]'' :'''Rocky''': Time to make good on that deal, doll– :'''Ginger''': ''[grabs his beak]'' The ''name''... is Ginger. ''[knocks on the wall of Hut 17. A hidden door opens and two chickens grab her and Rocky and take them inside]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Fowler is forced to share his bunk in Hut 1 with Rocky]'' :'''Fowler''': Absolutely outrageous! Asking a senior officer to share his quarters! And with a non-commissioned Yank, no less! Why, back in my day, I'd never... :'''Rocky Rhodes''': Hey, you weren't exactly ''my'' first choice either. And scoot over! Your wing's on my side of the bunk. :'''Fowler''': ''Your'' side of the bunk!? The '''''whole''' bunk'' is ''my'' side of the bunk! :'''Rocky Rhodes''': ''[snapping back]'' Just... What's that smell, is that your ''breath''? :'''Fowler''': ''[grumbling]'' It's absolutely outrageous. <hr width=50%/> :'''Rocky''': So, you wanna fly? Well, it ain't gonna be easy, and it ain't gonna happen overnight either. You see, flying takes three things - hard work, perseverance and... hard work. :'''Fowler''': You said "hard work" twice! :'''Rocky''': That's because it takes twice as much work as perseverance. ''[licks a feather and shows it to the hens, making all of them except Ginger laugh]'' :'''Fowler''': Codswallop! ''[muttering]'' Cocky Yanks think that they know it all... ''[goes back into Hut 1]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Ginger''': I thought you were going to teach us how to fly. :'''Rocky''': That's what I'm doing. :'''Ginger''': ''[chuckles]'' Isn't there usually some flapping involved? :'''Rocky''': Hey, do I tell you how to lay eggs? Relax. We're making progress. :'''Ginger''': Really? I can't help feeling we're going round in circles. ''[points to the chickens, who are indeed, spinning around in circles]'' :'''Rocky''': What the...? Hey! Cut it out! You're making ''me'' dizzy! ''[The chickens stop, and start wobble around uneasily and toppling over]'' Yeah. I think they're ready to fly now. :'''Ginger''': Good, 'cause they certainly can't WALK anymore. <hr width=50%/> :''[A tire iron wedges into a crate and pries the front off. Mr. and Mrs. Tweedy peer inside.]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': Oooh, what's all this, then? :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[spins a circular saw blade, menacingly]'' This is our future, Mr. Tweedy. No more wastin’ time with petty egg collection and miniscule profits. :'''Willard Tweedy''': No more eggs? But...we've always been egg farmers. Me father, and his father, and all their fathers, they was always... :'''Melisha Tweedy''': Poor! Worthless! Nothings! But all that's about to change. ''[holding up the saw blade]'' This will take Tweedy’s farm out of the dark ages and into full scale automated production. ''[As she clicks a switch. Knives shoot out from the blade in all directions.]'' Melisha Tweedy will be poor no longer. ''[shoves the manual into Mr. Tweedy's chest]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': I'll put it together then, shall I? <hr width=50%/> :'''Nick''': We slipped into the farmer's room, all quiet, like... :'''Fetcher''': ''[interrupting]'' Like a fish! :'''Nick''': Yeah, and we- ''[pauses]'' Like a FISH? You stupid Norbert. <hr width=50%/> :''[Bunty dances with Fowler]'' :'''Nick''': ''[to Fetcher, sobbing]'' What are you sobbing about, you nancy? :'''Fetcher''': Little moments like this, mate. It's what makes the job all worthwhile. ''[to Nick, putting a red light in]'' Wanna dance? :'''Nick''': Yeah, all right. <hr width=50%/> :''[The pie machine has been built and Mr and Mrs Tweedy looks at it]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': Ooh! That's champion, that is. What is it? :'''Melisha Tweedy''': It's a pie machine, you idiot. Chickens go in, pies come out. :'''Willard Tweedy''': Oh! What kind of pies? :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Apple. :'''Willard Tweedy''': ''[excited]'' My favorite! :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[forcefully]'' '''Chicken''' pies, you great lummox! ''[calmly]'' Imagine it! In less than a fortnight, every grocer's in the county will be stocked with box upon box of "Mrs Tweedy's Homemade Chicken Pies". :'''Willard Tweedy''': Just "Missus"? :'''Melisha Tweedy''': Woman's touch. Makes the public feel more comfortable. :'''Willard Tweedy''': Uh, right. How does it work? ''[about to pull the gearshift]'' :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[slaps Mr. Tweedy on the hand]'' Get me a chicken and I'll show you. :'''Willard Tweedy''': I know just the one. ''[He walks out to get Ginger]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[The chickens are finding out on a poster that Rocky can't fly.]'' :'''Mac''': Oh, a cannon. Aye, that would give you thrust. :'''Bunty''': I knew he was fake all along. In fact, I'm not even certain he was American. :'''Mac''': So, what's the next plan, hen? :'''Ginger''': ''[sighs]'' Let's face it. The only way out of here is wrapped in pastry. :'''Babs''': Perhaps, he just went on holiday. :'''Bunty''': Perhaps, he just wanted to get away from your infernal knitting! ''[angrily snatches Babs' knitting and stamps it in the mud]'' :'''Mac''': You were always the one that was always hitting him. See how you like it! ''[pushes Bunty]'' :'''Bunty''' Don't push me, four eyes! :''[They start fighting, but Fowler enters.]'' :'''Fowler''': Quiet there! Quiet, I say! Dissension in the ranks. Precisely what Jerry would have wanted. The old divide and conquer. A proper squadron work together, like we did in my R.A.F. days. Jocko at the stick, Flappy at the map, and old Whizzbang at the tail-end Charlie. WingCo would give the call, hop in the old crate, chocks away! Wizard show it was. ''[shows Bunty his air-force medal]'' That's how you get medals. :'''Bunty''': ''[enraged]'' Oh. Will you shut up about your '''STUPID, BLOOMING ''MEDALS?!?!''''' :''[Bunty furiously slaps the air-force medal out of Fowler's hand and it lands in front of Ginger in the mud, the chickens gasp at it.]'' :'''Fowler''': '''''HOW DARE YOU!''''' ''[angrily hits Bunty with his cane]'' Madam, forgive me. A-As an officer, I offer my most-- :''[Bunty punches Fowler and all the chickens starts fighting in the mud. Ginger sees the air-force medal and picks it up.]'' :'''Ginger''': Fowler. ''[turns to the chickens fighting in the mud]'' Everyone! '''''SHUT UP!''''' :''[All the chickens stop fighting, with Babs holding on the leg by the mouth, long pause]'' :'''Ginger''': ''[clears throat]'' Fowler, what exactly is the R.A.F.? :'''Fowler''': ''[pulls his face out of the mud]'' What do you mean, what is it? ''[salutes]'' The Royal Air Force is what! ''[chuckles]'' :'''Ginger''': Then what's the "old crate"? <hr width=50%/> :''[Mr. Tweedy, sweating bullets, is once again trying to start the machine.]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': ''[under his breath]'' C'mon. ''[groans]'' Please. :'''Ginger''': Oh no. He‘s fixed it. :''[Mr. Tweedy steps away from it, admiring his handiwork as it purrs like a kitten.]'' :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[enters]'' Get the chickens. :'''Willard Tweedy''': Which ones? :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''All of them''. ''[switches to max level on the pie machine]'' :''[The chickens' plane-building has just been discovered by Mr. Tweedy.]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': Me tools! Why, you thieving little buggers! :'''Mac''': ''[whispers]'' What's the plan? :''[Mr. Tweedy stares down Ginger for a few seconds.]'' :'''Ginger''': '''ATTACK!!''' ''[Cut to close up Mr. Tweedy]'' :'''Bunty''': ''[as Ginger is doing literally that]'' Nice plan! :''[the chickens looks as they drop their tools. Cut to all of them swarming Mr. Tweedy.]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': ''[being attacked by the chickens]'' '''MRS. TWEEDY! AHH! MRS. TWEEDY, THE CHICKENS ARE REVOLTING!''' :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[sarcastically, not paying attention]'' Finally, something we agree on. :'''Willard Tweedy''': ''[still being attacked by the chickens]'' '''HELP! MRS.--''' ''[muffled, falls down]'' :'''Ginger''': Under the hut! ''[The chickens shove him underneath a hut.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Ginger''': Listen. We'll either die free chickens or die trying. :'''Babs''': Are those the only choices? <hr width=50%/> :'''Nick''': ''[aboard the flying machine]'' The exits are located here and here. In the quite likely event of an emergency, put your head between your knees and- :'''Fetcher''': Kiss your bum goodbye! <hr width=50%/> :'''Ginger''': Alright, Fowler! Ready for take-off! :'''Fowler''': Behind you all the way! :'''Ginger''': But... you're supposed to be up there! ''[points to the cockpit]'' You're the pilot! :'''Fowler''': Don't be ridiculous. I can't fly this contraption. :'''Ginger''': But... but back in your day. The Royal Air Force. :'''Fowler''': [[w:No. 644 Squadron RAF|644 Squadron]], Poultry Division! We were the mascots. :'''Ginger''': You mean you never actually FLEW the plane!? :'''Fowler''': Good heavens, no! I'm a CHICKEN! The Royal Air Force doesn't let chickens behind the controls of complex aircraft! :''[The chickens hear this and start chattering in a panic.]'' :'''Hen''': We're all gonna die! :'''Ginger''': You ''have'' to fly it. You're always talking about back in your day. Well, ''today'' is your day! :'''Bunty''': You can do it, you old sausage. :''[Fowler pulls himself together, stands and salutes.]'' :'''Fowler''': Wing Commander T.I. Fowler reporting for duty. ''[The hens cheer; Fowler impatiently talks over them, heading for the cockpit.]'' Come on, what are you waiting for? Let's get this crate off the ground! :'''Ginger''': Fowler, '''NOW!''' :'''Fowler''': ''[manipulating levers]'' Roger! Contact! ''[Chickens start peddling and the propeller starts spinning, saluting]'' Cleared for take off! ''[Three chickens hoist a ramp into place just in front of the fence, then scamper back toward the plane, calling down]'' Chocks away! :'''Hens''': Chocks away! :''[The plane lurches forward down the runway.]'' :'''Fowler''': Full throttle. :'''Mac''': Full throttle! ''[pulls a lever]'' :''[The wheels bounce along the rocky runway, lifting slightly, then touching back down. On the flying machine.]'' :'''Fowler''': We need more power! :'''Mac''': [[w:Montgomery Scott|I cannae work miracles, Cap'n! We're giving her all she's got!]] :''[The plane continues, wheels bouncing, getting closer and closer to the ramp, picking up speed, when all of a sudden. He kicks the ramp down.]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': Gotcha! :'''Fowler''': Hard right! :''[The plane banks a hard right.]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': Oh, mother! ''[but the tail konks him in the head and knocks him to the ground. It’s now heading down the opposite direction on the runway.]'' :'''Ginger''': Turn it around. I'll get the ramp! :''[Ginger leaps off the plane, runs down the runway to the ramp. She struggles and strains to lift it.]'' :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[coldly]'' Put the ramp down. ''[ She swings her axe and -- THUMP - it sticks into the ramp]'' You are '''going''' to be a pie! <hr width=50%/> :''[Ginger slaps Rocky]'' :'''Ginger''': THAT'S for leaving. ''[pulls him close]'' And THIS is for coming back. :''[Loud nose occurs, the crate is pulled down slightly and the chickens scream]'' :'''Fowler''': Great Scott! What was that?! :'''Mac''': A cling-on cap'n! And the engines can't take it! :''[Melisha Tweedy snarls Rocky and Ginger gasps]'' :'''Ginger''': Oh my goodness. Babs! Scissors! :'''Babs''':[knit toothbrush lipstick scissor] Bingo! :'''Ginger''': Lower me down. :'''Rocky''': But... Ginger... :'''Ginger''': Just do it. :'''Fowler''': Increase velocity! :'''Babs''': What does that mean? :'''Bunty''': It means '''''PEDAL YOUR FLIPPIN' GIBLETS OUT!!''''' :''[Melisha Tweedy she climbs the lights]'' :'''Ginger''': LOWER! :'''Rocky''': I'm trying! :''[Melisha Tweedy she continue climbs the lights]'' :'''Ginger''': [billboard] FOWLER! LOOK OUT! :'''Rocky''': GINGER! ''[She raising her axe. But then Rocky starts firing eggs at Melisha Tweedy]'' :'''Rocky''': FIRE! FIRE! :'''Fetcher''': Oh, me eggs. ''[Ginger loses Babs' scissors]'' :'''Rocky''': MORE AMMO, HURRY! :'''Nick''': WE'VE GOT NO MORE EGGS! :'''Rocky''': GINGER! LOOK OUT! :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[Snarling. Melisha Tweedy breaks the wire with her axe, and seemingly beheads Ginger]'' :'''Rocky''': '''''NOOOOO!!!''''' ''[after a moment of silence, Ginger looks up at Melisha Tweedy, completly fine]'' :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[Groans. Ginger reveals the severed Christmas lights in front of Melisha Tweedy]'' HUH?! :'''Ginger''': Bye-bye! ''[Melisha Tweedy screams after her side of the wire is lets go]'' :'''Fowler''': BOMBS AWAY! :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[her last words]'' MR TWEEDY!!! ''[All the chickens cheer for victory]'' :'''Rocky''': Oh, that was good, that was GOOD! :'''Fowler''': The Old Bird bought it! ''[laughing]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': Mrs. Tweedy, Mrs. Tweed-- ''(Oh, no!) [Melisha Tweedy shrieking and gasping. Willard Tweedy slowly backs away while closing the door down, and the pie machine explodes in the distance, creating a mushroom cloud of gravy'' :'''Rocky and Ginger''': WHOA! :''[Gravy leaks down the door, Willard Tweedy then opens the door to see Melissa Tweedy injured while the two gaurd dogs are happily licking up the spilt gravy]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': ''[his last words]'' I told you they were organized. '' [Melisha Tweedy soon begins growing, and before she's about to reprimand him, she lets out a yelp as the now unsupported door falls flat on her.]'' :''[The chickens celebrate]'' :'''Ginger''': We did it everyone. :''[The chickens celebrate, Mac gives Fowler a big kiss on the cheek, Bunty hugs Babs, Nick tearfully hugs Fetcher, and Ginger grabs Rocky and finally gives him that big kiss. The pedaling chickens stop pedaling.]'' :'''Fowler''': '''KEEP PEDDLING!''' We’re not there yet! ''[The plane rises again and sails off toward the sunset]'' You can’t see paradise if you don’t pedal! Put your drumsticks into it. ''[hand-flying the plane through the air]'' That's what I told them, what what. We were losing altitude, you see, and heading for a fearful prang. :'''Babs''': This is a lovely holiday. I’11l be sad to go back. :'''Mac''': Safety is at all times imperative. Now, wind her up and let her go. <hr width=50%/> :''[Last lines]'' :'''Nick''': 'Ey, 'ey, here's a thought. Why don't we get an egg and start our own chicken farm? That way we'll have all the eggs we could eat. :'''Fetcher''': Right. We'll need a chicken then. :'''Nick''': No. No, we'll need an egg. You have the egg first. That's where you get the chicken from. :'''Fetcher''': No, that's cobblers. If you don't have a chicken, where you gonna get an egg? :'''Nick''': From the chicken that comes from the egg. :'''Fetcher''': Yeah, but you have to have an egg to have a chicken. :'''Nick''': Yeah, but you gotta get the chicken first to get the egg, and then the egg, you get the chicken out. :'''Fetcher''': Hang on. Let's go over this again. ''[The screen puts up, "The End", then the credits scene]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Very last lines, the screen puts up, "The End", then the bonus credits scene]'' :'''Nick''': The egg, obviously. Rollin' along happy as Larry, then, crack! Hatches into the first chicken. :'''Fetcher''': Yeah, but where'd the egg come from, then? :'''Nick''': What do you mean, where'd it come from? :'''Fetcher''': Egg comes rollin' along, happy as Larry. It's wonderin', where'd it come from? Without a chicken, you get no egg to come rollin' along. :'''Nick''': Well, conversely, without an egg to hatch into the chicken, there will be no chicken to lay the other egg that hatches into the chicken that lays the egg I mentioned in the first place. :'''Fetcher''': So we got two eggs now? :'''Nick''': No, we're still talking about the very first egg. :'''Fetcher''': But what happened about the very first chicken? :'''Nick''': He's in the very first egg! Aren't you listenin'? :'''Rocky''': Uh, guys. Guys? Tryin' to enjoy paradise over here. :'''Nick''': Oh, sorry, guv. :'''Fetcher''': Beg your pardon. :'''Nick''': Won't happen again. :'''Rocky''': Thanks. :'''Nick''': Gitface. :'''Fetcher''': Pillock. :'''Nick''': Thinks he's such a big shot 'cause he's got his name on a poster. These show biz folk are all the same. :'''Fetcher''': Yeah, the rats are the stars, carefully. Yeah, they are. Of course they are. :'''Nick''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, they are. Of course they are. We do all the work, he gets all the credits. :'''Fetcher''': But he does get all the birds. He gets everything. :'''Nick''': Yes, he does. Everything. :'''Fetcher''': You said it, mate. :'''Nick''': I know. ==Deleted Dialogues== :''[Melisha Tweedy grabs the wire and both Rocky and Ginger walk slowly up to the rear]'' :'''Ginger''': Oh No. SHES GRABBED ON! :'''Wally The Rooster''': COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO! ==Taglines== * This Ain't No Chick Flick! * Escape or Die Frying. * A Few Good Hen. * There's Nothing More Determined Than Poultry With A Plan. * She's Poultry In Motion. * Feathers Will Fly! * The Lone Free Ranger. * It's Chicken Impossible. * A Chicken Will Rise! * The Cluck Stops Here. * Run, Don't Walk! ==Voice cast== * [[w:Julia Sawalha|Julia Sawalha]] — Ginger the Hen * [[Mel Gibson]] — Rocky the Rooster * [[w:Lynn Ferguson|Lynn Ferguson]] — Mac * [[w:Jane Horrocks|Jane Horrocks]] — Babs * [[w:Imelda Staunton|Imelda Staunton]] — Bunty * [[w:Benjamin Whitrow|Benjamin Whitrow]] — Fowler * [[w:Phil Daniels|Phil Daniels]] — Fetcher * [[w:Timothy Spall|Timothy Spall]] — Nick * [[w:Tony Haygarth|Tony Haygarth]] — Willard Tweedy * [[w:Miranda Richardson|Miranda Richardson]] — Melisha Tweedy * [[w:John Sharian|John Sharian]] — Ringmaster * Jo Allen, [[w:Lisa Kay|Lisa Kay]] and Laura Strachan — Additional Chickens == Rolleliste == * Rocky – Søren Pilmark * Ginger – Annette Heick * Mac – Jette Sievertsen * Babs – Trine Pallesen * Mr Tweedy – Per Pallesen * Mrs Tweedy – Anne Marie Helger * Fowler – John Hahn-Petersen * Fetcher – Torben Zeller * Nick – Claus Bue * Bunty – Ellen Hillingsø ==== I mindre roller ==== * Vibeke Dueholm * Louise Engell * Puk Scharbau * Lars Thiesgaard * Julian T. Kellermann * Helene W. Moe ==== Technical Credits ==== * Instruktør – Lars Thiesgaard * Oversættelse – Hans Kristian Bang * Producer – Svend Christiansen ==External links== {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title | id=0120630| title=Chicken Run}} * {{rotten-tomatoes | id=chicken_run | title=Chicken Run}} * [http://www.aardman.com/chickenrun/ The official site] {{Authority control}} [[Category:2000 animated films]] [[Category:2000s American animated films]] [[Category:2000s British animated films]] [[Category:American animated films]] [[Category:British animated films]] [[Category:Stop-motion animated films]] [[Category:British children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:British children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:Prison films]] [[Category:Films about chickens]] [[Category:Films about animal rights]] [[Category:Chicken Run (franchise)]] [[Category:Films about farming]] 8q76buw6qfxukggz9xjfy9wsrm0y55s 3949407 3949311 2026-06-06T03:23:51Z TheReal14thGamer 3304476 /* Dialogue */ 3949407 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|Chicken Run}}''''' is a [[w:2000 in film|2000]] British [[w:Clay animation|clay animation]] film produced by [[w:DreamWorks Animation|DreamWorks Animation]], [[w:Aardman Animations|Aardman]] and [[w:Pathé|Pathé]] and distributed by [[w:DreamWorks Pictures|DreamWorks Pictures]], This is a story about a band of chickens who seek escape from their coop before their owners, mild-mannered egg farmer Mr. Tweedy and his overbearing wife, make them all into chicken pot pies. '''''[[Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget]]''''' was a sequel in [[w:2023 in film|2023]]. :''Directed and written by [[w:Peter Lord|Peter Lord]] and [[w:Nick Park|Nick Park]].'' :''Music by [[Harry Gregson-Williams]] and John Powell.'' {{center|'''This Ain't No Chick Flick!''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}} [[File:Model Stalag Luft III.jpg|thumb|"Let's face the facts, ducks. The chances of ''us'' getting out of ''here'' are 1,000,000 to 1."<br />"Then there's still a chance."]] [[File:US-58-from-Corinth-Cemetery-va.jpg|thumb|"You hear that? That's the open road calling my name, and I was born to answer that call. Bye!"<br />"He must have very good hearing."]] [[File:Pullet trio.jpg|thumb|"MRS. TWEEDY! THE CHICKENS ARE REVOLTING!"<br>"Finally, something we agree on."]] [[File:RAF-Badge.svg|thumb|"You mean you never actually ''flew'' the plane?"<br />"Good heavens, no! I'm a ''chicken''! The '''R'''oyal '''A'''ir '''F'''orce doesn't let chickens behind the controls of complex aircraft!"]] [[File:Royal Air Force Bomber Command, 1939-1941. CH3393.jpg|thumb|"You ''have'' to fly it. You're always talking about back in your day. Well, ''today'' is your day!"]] ==Dialogue== :''[Mr. Willard Tweedy walks with the dogs by a flashlight, then shakes a lock, then continues to walk with the dogs. A hen named Ginger has just dug a hole with a spoon to get under the fence. She signals Bunty, Babs, and three other chickens to come over to the fence. But they make a loud noise once they come to the fence]'' :'''Bunty''': ''[loud whispering]'' Shush! :'''Babs''': ''[whimpers]'' :''[Bunty tries to get under the fence, but she is too big. Willard Tweedy hears this and turns around.]'' :'''Bunty''': I'm stuck! :''[Ginger rolls her eyes and goes to help Bunty get under the fence. But Edwina, Babs and the other chickens are making too much noise trying to push Bunty under. Once Ginger arrives to the rescue, she puts her wing over Bunty's beak so that Willard Tweedy doesn't hear her. Unfortunately, the noise of Edwina, Babs, and the other chickens trying to push her under the fence attracts the attention of the dogs. Ginger hears the dogs and sees Willard Tweedy trying to hold them back]'' :'''Ginger''': Get back! :''[They all pull her out of the fence, with Ginger pushing, and then lie down. Ginger runs away from the dog, followed by Mr. Tweedy. The dog continues running at Ginger, then another dog runs at her, chasing her by the door. The dogs walk up the stairs and then touch a gnome. The dogs walk up. Ginger grabs a garden gnome to fend them off. The dog bites the gnome's head off. Then suddenly the doors open. The dogs cower. Ginger spins around to find Melisha Tweedy, Mr. Tweedy's wife, her face icy and expressionless]'' :'''Melisha Tweedy''': [her first words] Mr. Tweedy. :'''Willard Tweedy''': Eh? :'''Melisha Tweedy''': What is that chicken doing outside the fence? :'''Willard Tweedy''':[his first words] Oh.''[giggles]'' I don't know, love. :'''Melisha Tweedy''': Just deal with it. Now! :''[Melisha slams the door. Willard cowers and carries Ginger to an old coal bunker near the side of the barn]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': ''[to Ginger]'' I'll teach you to make a fool out of me. ''[He throws Ginger inside, then closes the top and turns to the other chickens]'' Now let that be a lesson to the lot of you! NO CHICKEN ESCAPES FROM TWEEDY'S FARM! ''[He walks away]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Edwina has been sentenced to the chop after she fails to produce any more.]'' :'''Ginger''': Oh no. Edwina. Bunty, why didn't you give her some of yours? :'''Bunty''': I would have. She didn't tell me. She didn't tell anyone. <hr width=50%/> :''[Bunty, Babs and another hen sneak towards Hut 17 with knitted masks over them. Bunty bangs the door, and Ginger lets them in when she sees who it is, except for Babs, who stands there. Ginger then pulls Babs in by her wing]'' :'''Babs''': Ohh! :''[Nick bangs the door, and Ginger looks to see who it is.]'' :'''Nick''': You called? Nick and-- :'''Fetcher''': Fetcher. :'''Nick''': At your service. :''[Ginger comes out the door. Suddenly, she hears dogs barking and sees Mr Tweedy looking out the farmhouse window]'' :'''Ginger''': Over here! :''[She leads Nick and Fetcher to a corner.]'' :'''Ginger''': We need some more things. :'''Nick''': Right you are, Miss! ''[opens a lunchbox and holds up a couple of thimbles]'' How about this quality, hand-crafted tea set? :'''Ginger''': Um, no... :'''Fetcher''': ''[holds up a drain plug on a chain]'' Or this lovely necklace and pendant? :'''Ginger''': Well, it's lovely... :'''Nick''': ''[holds up a badminton birdie]'' Or how about this little number that's all the rage in the most fashionable coops in Paris. Simply pop it on like so... ''[pops it on Ginger's head, feathers side up so that she looks like an Indian]'' And as the French hens say, "Voila!" :'''Fetcher''': That IS French. :'''Nick''': And that's two hats in one, Miss. For parties... ''[turns the birdie over, making it look like a wedding veil]'' ...For weddings! Uh, madame! This makes you look like a vision, like a dream. :'''Fetcher''': Like a duck! :''[Nick glares at him]'' :'''Ginger''': No, thank you. ''[takes off the birdie and shows a diagram of a catapult]'' We're making this. We need these things. Can you get them? :'''Nick''': Ooh-hoo-hoo, ooh, this is a big job, Miss. Uh, bigger than the other ones. No, no, this is gonna cost. :'''Ginger''': Same as always: one bag of seed. ''[hands Nick a bag of chicken feed]'' :'''Nick''': You call this pay?! :'''Fetcher''': It's chicken feed! :'''Ginger''': What else could we give you? :'''Nick''': Eggs. :'''Ginger''': Eggs?! :'''Fetcher''': Eggs. ''[holds up an egg cup and licks his lips]'' :'''Ginger''': We can't give you our eggs. They're too valuable. :'''Nick''': And so are we. ''[packs up to leave]'' After you, Fetcher. :'''Fetcher''': ''[pausely]'' After I what? :'''Nick''': Move! <hr width=50%/> :''[Mr. Tweedy squints out the window and puts a pair of binoculars to his eyes. Continues to stare as he absently chews on a chicken drumstick. Past a half-eaten chicken carcass on the dinner table to Mrs. Tweedy, seated at her corner desk, feverishly entering numbers on her hand-cranked adding machine.]'' :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[muttering under her breath]'' Fourteen shillings and thrupence ..seven and sixpence...two and nine...fourpence ha‘penny... '''DOH!''' ''[crumpling her paper]'' Stupid, worthless creatures. I'm sick and tired of making miniscule profits. :''[She glances down at the pile of mail on her desk. Beneath the pile, we see the top of a magazine. Mrs. Tweedy slowly slides away the pile of mail to reveal the rest of the magazine. Mrs. Tweedys eyes glimmer as she eyes the magazine and slowly lifts it to her face.]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': Oh, yes. Those chickens are up to something. :'''Melisha Tweedy''': Quiet. I’m onto something. :'''Willard Tweedy''': They're organized, I know it. :'''Melisha Tweedy''': I said quiet. :'''Willard Tweedy''': ''[whispering]'' That ginger one - I reckon she's their leader. :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[slams her fist down on the desk]'' Mr. Tweedy! :'''Willard Tweedy''': Ah! :'''Melisha Tweedy''': I may finally have found a way to make us some real money around here and what are you on about? Ridiculous notions of escaping chickens. :'''Willard Tweedy''': B-b-but... :'''Melisha Tweedy''': It’s ''all in your head'', Mr. Tweedy. Say it! :'''Willard Tweedy''': It’s all in me head, it’s all in me head... :'''Melisha Tweedy''': Now, you keep telling yourself that because I don’t want to hear another word about it, is that clear? :'''Willard Tweedy''': Yes, luv. ''[on second thought]'' But you know that ginger one, luv... :'''Melisha Tweedy''': '''THEY'RE CHICKENS, YOU DOLT!''' Apart from you, they're the most stupid creatures on this planet! They don't plot, they don't scheme, and they are not '''ORGANIZED!!''' :''[cut to Ginger, slamming the gavel three times]'' :'''Ginger''': ''[on microphone]'' Order! Order! Quiet, everyone! Settle down! I would like to order... Please, if you could just settle-- :'''Fowler''': Quiet here! ''[banging on the table]'' Let's have some discipline in the ranks! What, what! :'''Ginger''': Thank you, Fowler. :'''Fowler''': In my R.A.F days, we were never allowed to waste time unnecessary chitchat. :'''Ginger''': Yes, thank you, Fowler. :'''Fowler''': I... ''[pause]'' Right! ''[chuckling, clears throat, and saluting]'' Carry on. :'''Ginger''': Now, our last escape attempt was a bit of a fiasco. But Mac and I have come up with a brand new plan. Show ‘em, Mac. :'''Mac''': Right. We’ve tried going under the wire and that didnae work. So, the plan is -- we go over it. This is us, right? ''[putting a turnip in the catapult]'' We get in like this- wind ‘er up and let ‘er go! :''[The turnip flies past Fowler and splats against the wall above his head. The chickens gasp and murmur.]'' :'''Fowler''': Good grief! The turnip's bought it! <hr width=50%> :'''Ginger''': Think everyone, think. What haven't we tried yet? :'''Babs''': Uh... :'''Bunty''': We haven't tried NOT trying to escape. :'''Babs''': ''[happily]'' Hmm. That might work. :'''Ginger''': What about Edwina? How many more empty nests will it take? :'''Bunty''': Well, perhaps it wouldn't be empty if she'd spent more time laying and less time escaping! :'''Ginger''': So laying eggs all your life and then getting plucked, stuffed and roasted is good enough for you, it is guilty? :'''Babs''': It's a living. :'''Ginger''': Do you know what the problem is? The fences aren't just around the farm, they're up here ''[Points to head]''. There is a better place out there, beyond on the hill, outdoors, trees and grass. You imagine it. Cool grass green. :'''Agnes''': And who feeds us? :'''Ginger''': We feed ourselves. :'''Hen''': Where is the farm? :'''Ginger''': There is no farm. :'''Babs''': Then where does the farmer live? :'''Ginger''': There is no farmer, Babs. :'''Babs''': Is he on holiday? :'''Ginger''': He isn't anywhere! Don't you get it? There's no morning head count no farmers, no dogs, no coops and locks and keys, and no fences! :'''Bunty''': In all my life, I've never heard such a fantastic... LOAD OF '''TRIPE.''' ''[The chickens start murmuring]'' Let's face the facts, ducks. The chances of US getting out of HERE are 1,000,000 to 1. :'''Ginger''': Then there's still a chance. <hr width=50%/> :''[After everyone is yelling]'' :'''Rocky''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa! Let's back up and start from the top. Where am I? :'''Ginger''': Uh, you're right, how rude of us. We're just very exci– ''[clears throat]'' This is a chicken farm. :'''Babs''': And we're the chickens. ''[winks]'' :'''Rocky''': Ah, I'm with you so far. Chicken farm, chickens… :'''Fowler''': ''[about Rocky]'' I don't like the look of this one. His eyes are too close together. :'''Ginger''': Fowler, please! :'''Fowler''': And he's a ''yank''! :'''Rocky''': Easy, pops. Cockfighting's illegal where I come from. :'''Bunty''': And where is that, exactly? :'''Rocky''': Ah, just a little place I call The Land of the Free, and the Home of the Brave. :'''Mac''': Scotland! :'''Rocky''': No! America! :'''Chickens''': Oooh! America! :'''Fowler''': Poppycock! Pushy Americans, always showing up late for every war. Overpaid, oversexed, and ''over here''! ''[exits Hut 17]'' :'''Rocky''': Hey, what's eatin' Grandpa? :'''Ginger''': Uh, don't mind him, mister… Mister…? :'''Rocky''': The name's Rocky. Rocky the Rhode Island Red. "Rhodes" for short. :'''Agnes''': "Rocky Rhodes"? :'''Rocky''': Catchy, ain't it? :'''Ginger''': Um, Mr. Rhodes, is this you? :'''Rocky''': Uh... who wants to know? :'''Ginger''': A group of rather desperate chickens. You see, if it IS you, then you just might be the answer to our prayers. :''[Rocky nervously looks at the chickens, who giggle anxiously]'' :'''Rocky''': Well, then, call me a miracle, doll face, 'cause that's me. :'''Chickens''': Oooh! :'''Ginger''': ''[Off-screen]'' And what brings you to England, Mr. Rhodes? :'''Rocky''': Why, all the beautiful English chicks, of course. <hr width=50%/> :''[Ginger makes a speech to the hens with Rocky behind her]'' :'''Ginger''': I ''knew'' it was possible. :'''Rocky''': Oh, it's possible alright. :'''Ginger''': I ''knew'' the answer would come. :'''Rocky''': Amen! :'''Ginger''': We're all going to FLY over that fence, and Mr Rhodes is going to show us how, right? :'''Rocky''': That's r... W-w-what, did you say "fly"? :'''Ginger''': You can teach us. :'''Rocky''': No, I can't. ''[The other hens sigh in despair]'' Listen. Shh! You hear that? ''[silence]'' That's the open road calling my name and I was born to answer that call. Bye! ''[dashes out the coop]'' :'''Babs''': He must have very good hearing. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ginger''': So ''that's'' it. You're from the circus. :'''Rocky''': ''[alarmed]'' Shh! :'''Ginger''': You're on the run, aren't you? :'''Rocky''': ''[pulls Ginger behind Hut 17]'' You wanna keep it down?! I'm trying to lay low here! :'''Ginger''': I should turn you in right now! :'''Rocky''': You wouldn't… would you? :'''Ginger''': Give me one reason why I shouldn't. :'''Rocky''': Because I'm… cute? ''[Ginger stares at him and squawks loudly, he quickly clamps her beak shut]'' Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! What kind of crazy chick are you? Do you know what'll happen if he finds me?! :'''Ginger''': It's a cruel world. :'''Rocky''': I've just decided, I don't like you. :'''Ginger''': I've just decided, I don't care. Now show us how to fly. :'''Rocky''': With this wing?! :'''Ginger''': ''Teach'' us, then! :'''Rocky''': No! :''[Ginger squawks again]'' :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[Smiles]'' He's valuable, you say? :'''Circus Man''': Sure. :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[to Mr Tweedy]'' Get the torch. :'''Rocky''': ''[clamps her beak shut again]'' Now you listen here, sister. I'm not going back to that life! I'm a lone free ranger; emphasis on "free"! :'''Ginger''': And that's what ''we'' want - freedom! ''[Rocky notices the Tweedys approaching]'' Fancy that, they're coming this way. :'''Rocky''': Uh, no! Uh, no, they're after me! :'''Ginger''': Teach us to fly, and we'll hide you. :'''Rocky''': And if I don't...? ''[Ginger starts to squawk again when Rocky clamps her beak shut this instant she does]'' Was your father, by any chance, a ''vulture''?! :'''Ginger''': Do we have a deal? ''[Offers her wing to seal the deal. Rocky reluctantly agrees, and Ginger pulls him behind Hut 17]'' :'''Rocky''': Time to make good on that deal, doll– :'''Ginger''': ''[grabs his beak]'' The ''name''... is Ginger. ''[knocks on the wall of Hut 17. A hidden door opens and two chickens grab her and Rocky and take them inside]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Fowler is forced to share his bunk in Hut 1 with Rocky]'' :'''Fowler''': Absolutely outrageous! Asking a senior officer to share his quarters! And with a non-commissioned Yank, no less! Why, back in my day, I'd never... :'''Rocky Rhodes''': Hey, you weren't exactly ''my'' first choice either. And scoot over! Your wing's on my side of the bunk. :'''Fowler''': ''Your'' side of the bunk!? The '''''whole''' bunk'' is ''my'' side of the bunk! :'''Rocky Rhodes''': ''[snapping back]'' Just... What's that smell, is that your ''breath''? :'''Fowler''': ''[grumbling]'' It's absolutely outrageous. <hr width=50%/> :'''Rocky''': So, you wanna fly? Well, it ain't gonna be easy, and it ain't gonna happen overnight either. You see, flying takes three things - hard work, perseverance and... hard work. :'''Fowler''': You said "hard work" twice! :'''Rocky''': That's because it takes twice as much work as perseverance. ''[licks a feather and shows it to the hens, making all of them except Ginger laugh]'' :'''Fowler''': Codswallop! ''[muttering]'' Cocky Yanks think that they know it all... ''[goes back into Hut 1]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Ginger''': I thought you were going to teach us how to fly. :'''Rocky''': That's what I'm doing. :'''Ginger''': ''[chuckles]'' Isn't there usually some flapping involved? :'''Rocky''': Hey, do I tell you how to lay eggs? Relax. We're making progress. :'''Ginger''': Really? I can't help feeling we're going round in circles. ''[points to the chickens, who are indeed, spinning around in circles]'' :'''Rocky''': What the...? Hey! Cut it out! You're making ''me'' dizzy! ''[The chickens stop, and start wobble around uneasily and toppling over]'' Yeah. I think they're ready to fly now. :'''Ginger''': Good, 'cause they certainly can't WALK anymore. <hr width=50%/> :''[A tire iron wedges into a crate and pries the front off. Mr. and Mrs. Tweedy peer inside.]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': Oooh, what's all this, then? :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[spins a circular saw blade, menacingly]'' This is our future, Mr. Tweedy. No more wastin’ time with petty egg collection and miniscule profits. :'''Willard Tweedy''': No more eggs? But...we've always been egg farmers. Me father, and his father, and all their fathers, they was always... :'''Melisha Tweedy''': Poor! Worthless! Nothings! But all that's about to change. ''[holding up the saw blade]'' This will take Tweedy’s farm out of the dark ages and into full-scale automated production. ''[As she clicks a switch. Knives shoot out from the blade in all directions.]'' Melisha Tweedy will be poor no longer. ''[shoves the manual into Mr. Tweedy's chest]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': I'll put it together then, shall I? <hr width=50%/> :'''Nick''': We slipped into the farmer's room, all quiet, like... :'''Fetcher''': ''[interrupting]'' Like a fish! :'''Nick''': Yeah, and we- ''[pauses]'' Like a FISH? You stupid Norbert. <hr width=50%/> :''[Bunty dances with Fowler]'' :'''Nick''': ''[to Fetcher, sobbing]'' What are you sobbing about, you nancy? :'''Fetcher''': Little moments like this, mate. It's what makes the job all worthwhile. ''[to Nick, putting a red light in]'' Wanna dance? :'''Nick''': Yeah, all right. <hr width=50%/> :''[The pie machine has been built and Mr and Mrs Tweedy looks at it]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': Ooh! That's champion, that is. What is it? :'''Melisha Tweedy''': It's a pie machine, you idiot. Chickens go in, pies come out. :'''Willard Tweedy''': Oh! What kind of pies? :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Apple. :'''Willard Tweedy''': ''[excited]'' My favorite! :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[forcefully]'' '''Chicken''' pies, you great lummox! ''[calmly]'' Imagine it! In less than a fortnight, every grocer's in the county will be stocked with box upon box of "Mrs Tweedy's Homemade Chicken Pies". :'''Willard Tweedy''': Just "Missus"? :'''Melisha Tweedy''': Woman's touch. Makes the public feel more comfortable. :'''Willard Tweedy''': Uh, right. How does it work? ''[about to pull the gearshift]'' :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[slaps Mr. Tweedy on the hand]'' Get me a chicken and I'll show you. :'''Willard Tweedy''': I know just the one. ''[He walks out to get Ginger]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[The chickens are finding out on a poster that Rocky can't fly.]'' :'''Mac''': Oh, a cannon. Aye, that would give you thrust. :'''Bunty''': I knew he was fake all along. In fact, I'm not even certain he was American. :'''Mac''': So, what's the next plan, hen? :'''Ginger''': ''[sighs]'' Let's face it. The only way out of here is wrapped in pastry. :'''Babs''': Perhaps, he just went on holiday. :'''Bunty''': Perhaps, he just wanted to get away from your infernal knitting! ''[angrily snatches Babs' knitting and stamps it in the mud]'' :'''Mac''': You were always the one that was always hitting him. See how you like it! ''[pushes Bunty]'' :'''Bunty''' Don't push me, four eyes! :''[They start fighting, but Fowler enters.]'' :'''Fowler''': Quiet there! Quiet, I say! Dissension in the ranks. Precisely what Jerry would have wanted. The old divide and conquer. A proper squadron work together, like we did in my R.A.F. days. Jocko at the stick, Flappy at the map, and old Whizzbang at the tail-end Charlie. WingCo would give the call, hop in the old crate, chocks away! Wizard show it was. ''[shows Bunty his air-force medal]'' That's how you get medals. :'''Bunty''': ''[enraged]'' Oh. Will you shut up about your '''STUPID, BLOOMING ''MEDALS?!?!''''' :''[Bunty furiously slaps the air-force medal out of Fowler's hand and it lands in front of Ginger in the mud, the chickens gasp at it.]'' :'''Fowler''': '''''HOW DARE YOU!''''' ''[angrily hits Bunty with his cane, but then quickly retracts his actions]'' Madam, forgive me. A-As an officer, I offer my most-- :''[Bunty punches Fowler, and all the chickens start fighting in the mud. Ginger sees the Air Force medal and picks it up.]'' :'''Ginger''': Fowler. ''[turns to the chickens fighting in the mud]'' Everyone! '''''SHUT UP!''''' :''[All the chickens stop fighting, with Babs holding on the leg by the mouth, long pause]'' :'''Ginger''': ''[clears throat]'' Fowler, what exactly is the R.A.F.? :'''Fowler''': ''[pulls his face out of the mud]'' What do you mean, what is it? ''[salutes]'' The Royal Air Force is what! ''[chuckles]'' :'''Ginger''': Then what's the "old crate"? <hr width=50%/> :''[Mr. Tweedy, sweating bullets, is once again trying to start the machine.]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': ''[under his breath]'' C'mon. ''[groans]'' Please. :'''Ginger''': Oh no. He‘s fixed it. :''[Mr. Tweedy steps away from it, admiring his handiwork as it purrs like a kitten.]'' :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[enters]'' Get the chickens. :'''Willard Tweedy''': Which ones? :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''All of them''. ''[switches to max level on the pie machine]'' :''[The chickens' plane-building has just been discovered by Mr. Tweedy.]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': Me tools! Why, you thieving little buggers! :'''Mac''': ''[whispers]'' What's the plan? :''[Mr. Tweedy stares down Ginger for a few seconds.]'' :'''Ginger''': '''ATTACK!!''' ''[Cut to close up Mr. Tweedy]'' :'''Bunty''': ''[as Ginger is doing literally that]'' Nice plan! :''[the chickens looks as they drop their tools. Cut to all of them swarming Mr. Tweedy.]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': ''[being attacked by the chickens]'' '''MRS. TWEEDY! AHH! MRS. TWEEDY, THE CHICKENS ARE REVOLTING!''' :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[sarcastically, not paying attention]'' Finally, something we agree on. :'''Willard Tweedy''': ''[still being attacked by the chickens]'' '''HELP! MRS.--''' ''[muffled, falls down]'' :'''Ginger''': Under the hut! ''[The chickens shove him underneath a hut.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Ginger''': Listen. We'll either die free chickens or die trying. :'''Babs''': Are those the only choices? <hr width=50%/> :'''Nick''': ''[aboard the flying machine]'' The exits are located here and here. In the quite likely event of an emergency, put your head between your knees and- :'''Fetcher''': Kiss your bum goodbye! <hr width=50%/> :'''Ginger''': Alright, Fowler! Ready for take-off! :'''Fowler''': Behind you all the way! :'''Ginger''': But... you're supposed to be up there! ''[points to the cockpit]'' You're the pilot! :'''Fowler''': Don't be ridiculous. I can't fly this contraption. :'''Ginger''': But... but back in your day. The Royal Air Force. :'''Fowler''': [[w:No. 644 Squadron RAF|644 Squadron]], Poultry Division! We were the mascots. :'''Ginger''': You mean you never actually FLEW the plane!? :'''Fowler''': Good heavens, no! I'm a CHICKEN! The Royal Air Force doesn't let chickens behind the controls of complex aircraft! :''[The chickens hear this and start chattering in a panic.]'' :'''Hen''': We're all gonna die! :'''Ginger''': You ''have'' to fly it. You're always talking about back in your day. Well, ''today'' is your day! :'''Bunty''': You can do it, you old sausage. :''[Fowler pulls himself together, stands and salutes.]'' :'''Fowler''': Wing Commander T.I. Fowler reporting for duty. ''[The hens cheer; Fowler impatiently talks over them, heading for the cockpit.]'' Come on, what are you waiting for? Let's get this crate off the ground! :'''Ginger''': Fowler, '''NOW!''' :'''Fowler''': ''[manipulating levers]'' Roger! Contact! ''[Chickens start peddling and the propeller starts spinning, saluting]'' Cleared for take off! ''[Three chickens hoist a ramp into place just in front of the fence, then scamper back toward the plane, calling down]'' Chocks away! :'''Hens''': Chocks away! :''[The plane lurches forward down the runway.]'' :'''Fowler''': Full throttle. :'''Mac''': Full throttle! ''[pulls a lever]'' :''[The wheels bounce along the rocky runway, lifting slightly, then touching back down. On the flying machine.]'' :'''Fowler''': We need more power! :'''Mac''': [[w:Montgomery Scott|I cannae work miracles, Cap'n! We're giving her all she's got!]] :''[The plane continues, wheels bouncing, getting closer and closer to the ramp, picking up speed, when all of a sudden. He kicks the ramp down.]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': Gotcha! :'''Fowler''': Hard right! :''[The plane banks a hard right.]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': Oh, mother! ''[but the tail konks him in the head and knocks him to the ground. It’s now heading down the opposite direction on the runway.]'' :'''Ginger''': Turn it around. I'll get the ramp! :''[Ginger leaps off the plane, runs down the runway to the ramp. She struggles and strains to lift it.]'' :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[coldly]'' Put the ramp down. ''[ She swings her axe and -- THUMP - it sticks into the ramp]'' You are '''going''' to be a pie! <hr width=50%/> :''[Ginger slaps Rocky]'' :'''Ginger''': THAT'S for leaving. ''[pulls him close]'' And THIS is for coming back. :''[Loud nose occurs, the crate is pulled down slightly and the chickens scream]'' :'''Fowler''': Great Scott! What was that?! :'''Mac''': A cling-on cap'n! And the engines can't take it! :''[Melisha Tweedy snarls Rocky and Ginger gasps]'' :'''Ginger''': Oh my goodness. Babs! Scissors! :'''Babs''':[knit toothbrush lipstick scissor] Bingo! :'''Ginger''': Lower me down. :'''Rocky''': But... Ginger... :'''Ginger''': Just do it. :'''Fowler''': Increase velocity! :'''Babs''': What does that mean? :'''Bunty''': It means '''''PEDAL YOUR FLIPPIN' GIBLETS OUT!!''''' :''[Melisha Tweedy she climbs the lights]'' :'''Ginger''': LOWER! :'''Rocky''': I'm trying! :''[Melisha Tweedy she continue climbs the lights]'' :'''Ginger''': [billboard] FOWLER! LOOK OUT! :'''Rocky''': GINGER! ''[She raising her axe. But then Rocky starts firing eggs at Melisha Tweedy]'' :'''Rocky''': FIRE! FIRE! :'''Fetcher''': Oh, me eggs. ''[Ginger loses Babs' scissors]'' :'''Rocky''': MORE AMMO, HURRY! :'''Nick''': WE'VE GOT NO MORE EGGS! :'''Rocky''': GINGER! LOOK OUT! :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[Snarling. Melisha Tweedy breaks the wire with her axe, and seemingly beheads Ginger]'' :'''Rocky''': '''''NOOOOO!!!''''' ''[after a moment of silence, Ginger looks up at Melisha Tweedy, completly fine]'' :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[Groans. Ginger reveals the severed Christmas lights in front of Melisha Tweedy]'' HUH?! :'''Ginger''': Bye-bye! ''[Melisha Tweedy screams after her side of the wire is lets go]'' :'''Fowler''': BOMBS AWAY! :'''Melisha Tweedy''': ''[her last words]'' MR TWEEDY!!! ''[All the chickens cheer for victory]'' :'''Rocky''': Oh, that was good, that was GOOD! :'''Fowler''': The Old Bird bought it! ''[laughing]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': Mrs. Tweedy, Mrs. Tweed-- '' [He then sees Melisha Tweedy shrieking and gasping in the blocked up valve, inside Melisha Tweedy sees the boiling gravy rising. As the machine begins malfunctioning, Willard Tweedy slowly backs away while closing the door, and the pie machine explodes in the distance, creating a mushroom cloud of gravy'' :'''Rocky and Ginger''': WHOA! :''[Gravy leaks down the door, Willard Tweedy then opens the door to see Melissa Tweedy injured while the two gaurd dogs are happily licking up the spilt gravy]'' :'''Willard Tweedy''': ''[his last words]'' I told you they were organized. '' [Melisha Tweedy soon begins growing, and before she's about to reprimand him, she lets out a yelp as the now unsupported door falls flat on her.]'' :''[The chickens celebrate]'' :'''Ginger''': We did it everyone. :''[The chickens celebrate, Mac gives Fowler a big kiss on the cheek, Bunty hugs Babs, Nick tearfully hugs Fetcher, and Ginger grabs Rocky and finally gives him that big kiss. The pedalling chickens stop pedalling.]'' :'''Fowler''': '''KEEP PEDDLING!''' We’re not there yet! ''[The plane rises again and sails off toward the sunset]'' You can’t see paradise if you don’t pedal! Put your drumsticks into it. ''[hand-flying the plane through the air]'' That's what I told them, what what. We were losing altitude, you see, and heading for a fearful prang. :'''Babs''': This is a lovely holiday. I’11l be sad to go back. :'''Mac''': Safety is at all times imperative. Now, wind her up and let her go. <hr width=50%/> :''[Last lines]'' :'''Nick''': 'Ey, 'ey, here's a thought. Why don't we get an egg and start our own chicken farm? That way we'll have all the eggs we could eat. :'''Fetcher''': Right. We'll need a chicken then. :'''Nick''': No. No, we'll need an egg. You have the egg first. That's where you get the chicken from. :'''Fetcher''': No, that's cobblers. If you don't have a chicken, where you gonna get an egg? :'''Nick''': From the chicken that comes from the egg. :'''Fetcher''': Yeah, but you have to have an egg to have a chicken. :'''Nick''': Yeah, but you gotta get the chicken first to get the egg, and then the egg, you get the chicken out. :'''Fetcher''': Hang on. Let's go over this again. ''[The screen puts up, "The End", then the credits scene]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Very last lines, the screen puts up, "The End", then the bonus credits scene]'' :'''Nick''': The egg, obviously. Rollin' along happy as Larry, then, crack! Hatches into the first chicken. :'''Fetcher''': Yeah, but where'd the egg come from, then? :'''Nick''': What do you mean, where'd it come from? :'''Fetcher''': Egg comes rollin' along, happy as Larry. It's wonderin', where'd it come from? Without a chicken, you get no egg to come rollin' along. :'''Nick''': Well, conversely, without an egg to hatch into the chicken, there will be no chicken to lay the other egg that hatches into the chicken that lays the egg I mentioned in the first place. :'''Fetcher''': So we got two eggs now? :'''Nick''': No, we're still talking about the very first egg. :'''Fetcher''': But what happened about the very first chicken? :'''Nick''': He's in the very first egg! Aren't you listenin'? :'''Rocky''': Uh, guys. Guys? Tryin' to enjoy paradise over here. :'''Nick''': Oh, sorry, guv. :'''Fetcher''': Beg your pardon. :'''Nick''': Won't happen again. :'''Rocky''': Thanks. :'''Nick''': Gitface. :'''Fetcher''': Pillock. :'''Nick''': Thinks he's such a big shot 'cause he's got his name on a poster. These show biz folk are all the same. :'''Fetcher''': Yeah, the rats are the stars, carefully. Yeah, they are. Of course they are. :'''Nick''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, they are. Of course they are. We do all the work, he gets all the credits. :'''Fetcher''': But he does get all the birds. He gets everything. :'''Nick''': Yes, he does. Everything. :'''Fetcher''': You said it, mate. :'''Nick''': I know. ==Deleted Dialogues== :''[Melisha Tweedy grabs the wire and both Rocky and Ginger walk slowly up to the rear]'' :'''Ginger''': Oh No. SHES GRABBED ON! :'''Wally The Rooster''': COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO! ==Taglines== * This Ain't No Chick Flick! * Escape or Die Frying. * A Few Good Hen. * There's Nothing More Determined Than Poultry With A Plan. * She's Poultry In Motion. * Feathers Will Fly! * The Lone Free Ranger. * It's Chicken Impossible. * A Chicken Will Rise! * The Cluck Stops Here. * Run, Don't Walk! ==Voice cast== * [[w:Julia Sawalha|Julia Sawalha]] — Ginger the Hen * [[Mel Gibson]] — Rocky the Rooster * [[w:Lynn Ferguson|Lynn Ferguson]] — Mac * [[w:Jane Horrocks|Jane Horrocks]] — Babs * [[w:Imelda Staunton|Imelda Staunton]] — Bunty * [[w:Benjamin Whitrow|Benjamin Whitrow]] — Fowler * [[w:Phil Daniels|Phil Daniels]] — Fetcher * [[w:Timothy Spall|Timothy Spall]] — Nick * [[w:Tony Haygarth|Tony Haygarth]] — Willard Tweedy * [[w:Miranda Richardson|Miranda Richardson]] — Melisha Tweedy * [[w:John Sharian|John Sharian]] — Ringmaster * Jo Allen, [[w:Lisa Kay|Lisa Kay]] and Laura Strachan — Additional Chickens == Rolleliste == * Rocky – Søren Pilmark * Ginger – Annette Heick * Mac – Jette Sievertsen * Babs – Trine Pallesen * Mr Tweedy – Per Pallesen * Mrs Tweedy – Anne Marie Helger * Fowler – John Hahn-Petersen * Fetcher – Torben Zeller * Nick – Claus Bue * Bunty – Ellen Hillingsø ==== I mindre roller ==== * Vibeke Dueholm * Louise Engell * Puk Scharbau * Lars Thiesgaard * Julian T. Kellermann * Helene W. Moe ==== Technical Credits ==== * Instruktør – Lars Thiesgaard * Oversættelse – Hans Kristian Bang * Producer – Svend Christiansen ==External links== {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title | id=0120630| title=Chicken Run}} * {{rotten-tomatoes | id=chicken_run | title=Chicken Run}} * [http://www.aardman.com/chickenrun/ The official site] {{Authority control}} [[Category:2000 animated films]] [[Category:2000s American animated films]] [[Category:2000s British animated films]] [[Category:American animated films]] [[Category:British animated films]] [[Category:Stop-motion animated films]] [[Category:British children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:British children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:Prison films]] [[Category:Films about chickens]] [[Category:Films about animal rights]] [[Category:Chicken Run (franchise)]] [[Category:Films about farming]] q9kjd895owwoyrw21s3v3d3nkinjtar 0 34118 3949430 3923842 2026-06-06T05:33:06Z Thewordguy1984 504288 /* Love Is A Croc */ I added the quote. 3949430 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[W:The New Batman Adventures|The New Batman Adventures]]''''' continues from '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' in the [[W:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season One== ===''Holiday Knights''=== :''[It is December 22. Poison Ivy is sitting outside the apartment window. She overhears Harley Quinn talking inside the bedroom.]'' :'''[[w:Harley Quinn|Harley Quinn]]''': I'm depressed, Red. Here it is, holiday time, and we're hiding out in this dingy rat-trap. No presents, no fun, no nothing. Can't we at least get a Christmas Tree? :'''[[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Poison Ivy]]''': ''[slams the window angrily]'' What?! And support the mad campaign of botanical genocide that grips this country every December?! :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[falls on the bed with a yelp]'' But Christmas trees are so bright and fun and pretty! Oh, please, please- please-- ''[Ivy hits her with a pillow in the face]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Calm down, Harls. I've got a little plan that will make this the happiest Christmas ever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Season's greetings, Brucie. Your two favourite party girls are out for some Christmas fun. :''[She and Harley pull Bruce into his limo]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Ivy zapped you with her special lipstick back at the party! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now we've got Gotham's handsomest, ''wealthiest'' bachelor to treat us to a holiday shopping spree! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[excitedly]'' Whoopee! Race you to the shoe department, Red! :'''Poison Ivy''': You're on! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[carrying a pile of presents]'' I've had... just about enough of this...! :'''Harley Quinn''': I think the stuff is wearing off. :'''Poison Ivy''': Can't have that. Give him another shot. ''[passes Harley her lipstick]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[applies it]'' Right-a-rooney! [[w:Army of Darkness|Gimme some sugar, baby!]] :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[acting afraid]'' No! Not again! ''[backs away and and falls down the elevator shaft]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': OMIGOD, OMIGOD, OMIGOD! We... We killed him... ''[shrugs]'' Oh, well. :'''Poison Ivy''': We were going to do it anyway. :'''Harley Quinn''': We got his credit cards, what's to worry? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': I'll bet you've been a good little Batboy this year. Unfortunately, Harley and I are still on the naughty list. :'''Harley Quinn''': Come on up and get your presents! :''[Batman climbs up the sculpture towards them, but Ivy takes him by surprise at the top]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Merry Christmas, darling! ''[hits him with a punching glove, knocking him halfway back down]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': And Happy New Year, CHUMP! ''[whacks him with her mallet, sending him falling into a pile of presents]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Aw, gee, Harley. You broke our new toy. ''[she and Harley start to leave the mall]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[dancing happily]'' Bye-bye, Batsy! :''[Batman topples a giant Christmas tree with his grapple-gun, pinning them both down]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, ''here's'' you're stupid tree! You happy?! :'''Harley Quinn''': Yeah... ''[a bauble falls on her head]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Boy''': You're not the real Santa Claus! :'''[[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Harvey Bullock]]''': ''(Dressed as Santa)'' Sure I am! Wanna see my gun? :''[Montoya slaps him upside the head.]'' :'''Harvey Bullock''': Ow! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mary McSweeney''': My name is Mary McSweeney, Santa. Can you bring my dad home for Christmas? :'''Harvey Bullock''': Gee, I don't know. Where is your dad? :'''Mary McSweeney''': In prison. :'''Harvey Bullock''': Whoa! Your dad is Mad Dog... uh, Mike McSweeney? :''[Mary nods]'' :'''Harvey Bullock''': ''[aside, to Montoya]'' Poor kid. I sent her old man up the river three months ago. ''[to Mary]'' Uh, look, kid, I'd like to help you, but it's like this... ''[sighs]'' What I'm trying to say is, some wishes even Santa can't make come true. ''[gives Mary money]'' Ah, here, get yourself something nice for the holidays. :'''Mary McSweeney''': ''[hugs him]'' Thank you, Santa! Would it be okay if I bought something for my dad, too? :'''Harvey Bullock''': As long as it ain't a hacksaw, why not? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batgirl''': Don't waste your ammo on him, shoot the Santa. :'''Harvey Bullock''': ''[looks at Montoya]'' You wouldn't...? :'''Renee Montoya''': Not you, dope! ''[points at Santa statue]'' That Santa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': Hi-ho, couch potatoes! I'm interrupting the Toilet Bowl to give you my very special New Year's resolution. ''[clears throat]'' Starting tonight at midnight, I, your loving Uncle Joker, do solemnly vow not to kill anyone for a whole year... which means I'm going to have to work extra fast to bump off a few more of you today! ''[laughs]'' ===''Sins Of The Father''=== :'''Two-Face''': He stole something from me. :'''Tim Drake''': You charming good looks? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tim''': If you knew how many times I've dreamed about this place. :''[Tim picks up a small black ball from an arsenal.''] :'''Alfred''': Please, Master Timothy! Not the explosives. :'''Tim''': Sorry. Geez. I don't believe it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Tim walks over to a glass case containing the Robin suit.]'' :'''Tim''': It's the real Robin suit, isn't it? Whatever happened to him? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batgirl''': I don't think so, boys. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Tim eyes a trophy case with pictures, trophies and awards given to Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Tim''': Bruce Wayne, huh? :'''Batgirl''': Sorry you had to see that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': I called Batgirl right after you arrived, sir. Though apparently, not soon enough. :'''Batgirl''': He's been upstairs. :'''Tim''': So what? I know how to keep a secret. You can trust me, honest. :''[Batgirl lifts his sweater, allowing a stolen watch and pile of dollar bills to fall out]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I think I've I.D.'d his father. Steven 'Shifty' Drake. :'''Batgirl''': Burglary, armed robbery, grand-theft... :'''Batman''': Started when he was a kid. A real hard-luck case. :'''Batgirl''': Just like his son. :'''Batman''': Are you looking for sympathy? :'''Batgirl''': From you? Heaven forbid. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Attention, people of Gotham City. I've got a simple equation for you: one plus one equals Armageddon! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': You're too late, Batman. Better find yourself another mask. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': You work with me, Tim, you follow the rules. Rule number one: you give me everything you've got. Rule number two: then you give me more. And rule number three: ''I'' make the rules. :'''Dick Grayson''': Watch out for that last one, kid. It's a killer. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Dick? :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': My word. :'''Dick Grayson''': Hey. No one can be a "Boy Wonder" forever. ===''Cold Comfort''=== :'''Dr. Madsen''': What's going on here?! What do you want?! :''[Freeze regards the [[w:Ultrasaurus|Ultrasaurus]] skeleton she has been reconstructing]'' :'''[[w:Mr. Freeze|Mr. Freeze]]''': It's beautiful. So sad you have to lose it. :'''Dr. Madsen''': There isn't an archaeological institution in the world that would buy a stolen fossil. This wouldn't be worth anything to you. :'''Mr. Freeze''': To me, no. But it's worth everything to you, isn't it? I did not come here to steal bones, Dr. Madsen. I came to steal hope. :''[He blasts and freezes the skeleton, and it shatters and collapses]'' :'''Dr. Madsen''': NO! Why? ''Why?'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Why not? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Guiseppe Bianci''': Thank you, thank you. I feel like my life is just beginning. You have made the struggle worthwhile. :'''Mr. Freeze''': And I shall make it worth nothing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Freeze''': Search your hearts for the thing you value most. Then despair, for I have come to take it from you. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman tries to stop Freeze, but he is caught unprepared by his enemy who points his weapon at him]'' :'''Batman''': What are you waiting for? :'''Mr. Freeze''': Not this time, not this way. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[donating a million dollars to an orphanage]'' As my father once told me, those who have the most must give the most. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[watching on a monitor]'' Those who have the most also have the most to lose, Mr. Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Alfred tells me you failed a civics test. :'''Tim Drake''': Like I really care what a district attorney does. :'''Bruce Wayne''': You don't know the first thing about the American justice system, do you? :'''Tim Drake''': I know it's bogus. :'''Bruce Wayne''': And how'd you come to that well-thought-out conclusion? :'''Tim Drake''': Watching you. You don't exactly follow the rules of due process. :'''Bruce Wayne''': I... how did you do on your math test? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Freeze''': You were just a boy when you lost your family, but you keep trying to create a surrogate family for yourself. To destroy you, I need only destroy that. Perhaps your beloved surrogate son? No. I think the surrogate father. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freeze reveals that he has been reduced to a head relying on cybernetics]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The accident that created me finally took its toll. By the time these doctors stopped my deterioration, all that was left undamaged was this. :'''Batgirl''': That's what you meant when you said it was too late for you. :'''Mr. Freeze''': Ironic, isn't it? After all I did to keep my wife whole, I end up like this. You understand now why I could not return to my Nora, my treasure. There's no hope for me - or you, or your city. Everyone's going to feel my loss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Freeze''': As much as I want you to see your city frozen and lifeless, I'm quite prepared to end it all right now! ===''Never Fear''=== :'''Batman''': Now, there's a window a few feet from here and if you just follow me... :'''Acrophobic Man''': Window? I'm not going in. This is going to be the best night of my life. :'''Batman''': It could also be the last. :'''Acrophobic Man''': Oh, come on. There's nothing to be afraid of. Fear's a prison, you see, and I've just broken out. Tag. (''Pushes Batman off building and falls'') <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': ''[on the crocodiles in the zoo]'' Terrifying, aren't they? :'''Bruce Wayne''': What's going on? :'''Scarecrow''': That's what I'd like to know. Who are you? Why were you snooping around? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Easy, easy. I was just lookin' for some loose cash. I wasn't trying to move in on your operation, whatever it is. :'''Scarecrow''': A thief. I thought as much. ''[pulls out gun]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': Hey, be cool. :''[The Scarecrow shoots, dousing Bruce with gas]'' :'''Scarecrow''': Scared you, didn't I? :''[Bruce starts to step towards him, not flinching when the crocodiles leap up again]'' :'''Scarecrow''': They don't seem so frightening now, do they? That's it, tough guy, come and get me. :''[Bruce climbs over the fence and jumps into the crocodiles' pool, and they attack and seemingly kill him]'' :'''Scarecrow''': Welcome to the food chain. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Where's the gas? :'''Guru''': Go ahead. Throw me in jail. It won't do you any good. :'''Batman''': Who said anything about jail? :''[Batman tethers the guru to a table and throws him out the window]'' :'''Robin''': Batman! :'''Batman''': Quiet. :'''Guru''': HELP! :'''Batman''': ''[starts cutting the rope]'' You didn't answer my question. :'''Guru''': I-I can't! He'll kill me! :'''Batman''': Death is death. Does it matter who administers it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': This isn't the time for games. Now untie me. :'''Robin''': It's no game. You're out of control. :'''Batman''': You don't know what you're talking about. :'''Robin''': That gas has affected you more than you think. :'''Batman''': I told you, I can handle it. :'''Robin''': You can't! You're not even afraid to kill. I'll be back for you, soon as I can. :'''Batman''': Robin... it's hard for me to say this, but you did the right thing. I was out of control, and you've made me see that. :'''Robin''': I did what I had to. :'''Batman''': What now? :'''Robin''': I've gotta stop the Scarecrow. :'''Batman''': I can help you. I know him. :'''Robin''': But-- :'''Batman''': Don't worry - you'll be the boss on this one. :'''Robin''': You almost fooled me. ''[leaves]'' :'''Batman''': Untie me, you little - UNTIE ME! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': This message is for the mayor. You'll soon see what Gotham City will be like without fear, and it won't be pretty. Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power. And today, it will also be quite expensive, if you want the antidote. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The train is careening out of control]'' :'''Scarecrow''': Fool! You'll get us killed! :'''Batman''': You're not trying to scare me, are you? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Batman strangles Scarecrow]'' You can't! :'''Batman''': Watch me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I can't stop it. You're gonna have to jump. :'''Robin''': What about Scarecrow? :'''Batman''': I'll take care of him. I'll get him off the train. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': Um, last night, when I tied you up... I didn't mean it. :'''Batman''': Don't apologize. You were right. :'''Robin''': Yeah, but... it was kinda scary. :'''Batman''': A little fear's a good thing. ===''You Scratch My Back''=== :'''Nightwing''': What are you doing here? :'''Batgirl''': Pre-dawn, the dockyards, where else would a person in a mask be? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Not bad. :'''Nightwing''': Yeah, for a guy your age. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Nightwing''': I told you, I didn't need-- :'''Catwoman''': A gift. :''[Catwoman blows Nightwing a kiss and flips away.]'' :'''Thug''': ''[gagged]'' Mmmhpphummnmmphhumnhrm. :'''Nightwing''': You said it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Enrique El Gancho''': What have you here? Batman Lite? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Selina Kyle''': I thought I felt a chill. :'''Batman''': I want you to stay away from Nightwing. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[chuckles]'' Mother birds usually know when to let their robins leave the nest. He's a big Boy Wonder now. A Man Wonder, in fact. :'''Batman''': I don't trust you, Selina. :'''Selina Kyle''': Of course you don't. That's why it never could have worked out between us. :'''Nightwing''': ''[appears at window]'' Is this a private party? :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't you men ever use the door? Don't mind him, he just wants to protect your honor. :'''Nightwing''': I don't need a chaperone. :'''Batman''': You don't know what she's capable of. :'''Nightwing''': She's been straight with me. Maybe you just never gave her the chance. :'''Selina Kyle''': If you don't trust me, Batman, trust him. :'''Batman''': I guess I have to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Nightwing''': Yep, there they are. Keeping tabs on me, like I was some kind of criminal. :'''Catwoman''': Now you see what I go through. ''[puts Batman's tracer on Isis' collar]'' Here you go, precious. Have a night on the town. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': ''[escaping on a boat]'' Adios. ===''Double Talk''=== :'''Arnold Wesker''': But you're gone! I'm cured! :'''Scarface''': Cured? I ain't a case of the sniffles, Dummy. And I don't roll over just 'cause some quack waves a two-dollar watch at me. Nobody pulls my strings, Dummy - especially not you. :'''Arnold Wesker''': No! I don't want you back! You can't-- :'''Scarface''': Shaddup! Did I ask your permission? I'm givin' the orders here. :'''Arnold Wesker''': But you're not real! :'''Scarface''': No? Look across the street. :''[Wesker peeks out to see the Scarface puppet in a phone booth]'' :'''Scarface''': Now strap on yer dancing shoes and get ready for my coming-out party. You got that? :'''Arnold Wesker''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. :'''Scarface''': That's better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Better look sharp, youse mugs. Scarface is back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Tough luck, Bats. The only way outta this crate's with the right voice, and Fox here is sleepin' like a baby. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rhino''': This ain't funny, boss. :'''Scarface''': No, but it's a laugh riot you blockheads thought you could impressionate me. Youse thought you could decide when I was comin' out? You coulda ruined my plan. :'''Arnold Wesker''': What plan? :'''Scarface''': I was playin' possum. Layin' low till the heat was off. But then you two numbskulls start up. And when the muscle starts thinkin' it's the brains, then it's time to amputate. :'''Arnold Wesker''': No, Mr. Scarface! Please don't kill them! :'''Scarface''': Butt out, Dummy, or you can walk the plank too. :'''Mugsy''': Boss, please! We didn't mean no harm! :'''Rhino''': Yeah, boss, we just needed you, is all! :'''Scarface''': Yeah, yeah, you're breakin' my heart. Sayonara, chumps! ''[throws dynamite at them]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Arnold, don't do this. :'''Arnold Wesker''': It's out of my hands. :'''Batman''': He's the puppet, not you. :'''Scarface''': Don't listen to him, Dummy! He's playin' you like a cheap fiddle! Do him, already! :'''Arnold Wesker''': ''[aims at Batman]'' I'm sorry. :'''Scarface''': ''[after a tense silence]'' Come on, what are you waitin' for? For once in your life, do somethin' right! :'''Arnold Wesker''': Yes. :''[Wesker shoots Scarface, sending him tumbling down onto a large fan]'' :'''Scarface''': That's it, Dummy! When I get my hands on-- :''[The fan completely shreds Scarface]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Wesker''': And Mr. Wayne even gave me my job back. :'''Mrs. Segar''': I'm so glad, Arnie. Maybe now that you're back, you won't be such a stranger this time. Use the rec room. Sometimes it helps to be around others. :'''Arnold Wesker''': I will. But for right now, I'm just looking forward to being by myself. ===''Joker's Millions''=== :'''Joker''': Quick! More bullets! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry, puddin', that was our last clip. You know how expensive they are. :'''Batgirl''': Sounds like someone turned off your cash flow. :'''Joker''': If it's a flow you want, I'm happy to oblige. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well, that was a complete fiasco. If we weren't so strapped for cash, I'd never have touched this job. ''(to Harley Quinn)'' Gimme the loot. :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't you have it? :'''Joker''': ME? You were the last one to... ''(The car quietly breaks down and stops as the headlights go out)'' I thought I told you to get gas! :'''Harley Quinn''': We're broke, remember? What was I supposed to do, fill the tank, shoot the guy and drive off? :'''Joker''': Mmm-hmm. :'''Harley Quinn''': Now you tell me. :''[They hear tires screeching and turn around to see the Batmobile heading their way.]'' :'''Joker''': Oops, time to eject. :''[Joker pushes a lever which launches his seat out of the car on a rocket.]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Hey, where's mine? :'''Joker''': Sorry, kiddo! I could only afford one! :'''Harley''': You cheap, penny-pinching, pasty-faced creep! I'll get you for this, ya lousy tightwad! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Receptionist''': A letter came for you today, Mister... Joker. By the way, you're two weeks late with your rent. :'''Joker''': Sue me. Alas. The bitter jest of fate. The once-mighty Joker without two nickels to rub together.''(To the hyenas)'' Yeah, yeah, you're hungry, I'm hungry. Do me a favor and eat each other, will you? ''(Starts reading a letter)'' '' 'Dear sir, we regret to inform you of the passing of Mister Edward aka 'King' Barlowe...' '' Ooh, there's good news. I hated him. '' '...who, in accordance with his last wishes, has bequeathed to you the total...' '' Two-hundred and fifty million dollars? '''WOOHOO!!! WOOHOO!!! WOO!!!''' Good ol' King Barlowe! I take back almost all the nasty things I ever said about him. ''(To the hyenas)'' Bud! Lou! Our ship has come in, boys! We're gonna spend, spend, spend! And I know just what we'll buy first. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batgirl''': Well, now that he's rich, maybe he'll give up crime. :''(Batman breaks the device in his hands in half with his bare hands)'' :'''Batgirl''': Right. I'll call Dick. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': What's the scheme this time, Joker? :'''The Joker''': No scheme at all, old bird. I'm free, I'm rich and I'm lovin' i. I'm sure old Batboy is eating his heart out. ''[laughs]'' :'''Penguin''': Living well is the best revenge. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batgirl and Nightwing stop some gangsters from killing Joker.]'' :'''The Joker''': Well done, kiddies. :'''Nightwing''': We were trying to save innocent lives. You're just an unpleasant bonus. :'''The Joker''': Be that as it may, your grateful Uncle Joker wants to thank you. Here, stick this in your piggy banks. ''(Hands each of them a banknote. They crumple and drop them, then walk away.]'' :'''The Joker''': ''[laughs]'' Let the good times roll. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': (To Harley) You're pathetic, you know that? :'''Harley Quinn''': Come on, Ives. So Mr. J. got a little stressed over money. Now that he's loaded, Puddin'll buy my way out, too. :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, yeah... right. ''(shows Harley the newspaper frontpage)'' Sure thing, Harls. :'''Harley Quinn''': "Joker seeks new henchgirl"? '''I'LL KILL HIM!!!!!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ernie''': $137 million?! :'''The Joker''': Yes! And if I don't pay up, I'll go to jail for [[tax evasion]]! I'm crazy enough to take on [[Batman]], but the [[IRS]]?! No thank you! :'''Fake Harley''': Hey, Mr. G? This money looks weird. :'''The Joker''': What do you mean? ''(Picks up a roll of banknotes)'' It's a plain ol' pack of hundreds. See? There's Ben Franklin's chubby little...What? King Barlowe?! He's on this stack! And this one! :'''Fake Harley''': He's on every one of these thousands. :'''The Joker''': I don't understand. :'''Ernie''': Hey, boss. I found this. ''(holding a video tape)'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Barlowe''': ''(On deathbed, appearing on tape)'' Hiya, Joker. If you're playing this tape, you've probably figured out you've been had. Yeah, I left you some cash, but only ten million, which knowing you, you've already blown. All the other stuff - money, jewels, gold - it's all fake. See, I always hated your guts, and this was the perfect payback. By now, you're probably out of real money. The IRS is after you, and you can't admit I fooled ya, or you'll be the laughing stock of the underworld. The joke's on you, sucker. I got the last laugh after all. ''(Laughs, then coughs and grabs his oxygen mask)'' :''(Joker shoots the TV)'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Joker''': If I don't pay my taxes I'll go to jail, but if I admit Barlowe duped me I look like a fool. :'''Ernie''': Maybe you can raise the money by pulling one of your classic routines, like them [[w:Batman: The Animated Series#The Laughing Fish|laughing fish]]? :'''The Joker''': Good idea, Ernie. Let's let Batman know I did it '''SO HE CAN KICK MY KEISTER RIGHT BACK INTO ARKHAM!!!''' Dope. Fake Harley, any ideas? :'''Fake Harley''': Anything you say, Mr. G. ''(laugh)'' :''(Joker tries to shoot Fake Harley)'' :'''Ernie''': No, boss! :'''The Joker''': ''(Sighs)'' Who'd ever think I'd miss the real one? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Guard 1''': Harley Quinn's escaped! :'''Guard 2''': Seal all exits! :'''Guard 3''': Maybe she went down the laundry chute? :'''Guard 2''': None of the yahoos are crazy enough to pull that old stunt. :'''Poison Ivy''': Ha. :''(in the laundry room, Harley Quinn is inside a huge washer)'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Help! Help! Ivy! Anybody! GET ME OUTTA HERE! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ernie''': ''[Disguised as Joker]'' Well, well, Bruce Wayne. Join me. A bottle of your best, my dear, for my guest. :'''Bruce Wayne''': You'll understand if I refuse. The last time we met you tried to throw me off a building. :'''Ernie''': I did? Weeell... that was so long ago. :'''Bruce Wayne''': It was last month. :'''Ernie''': ''[starts sweating and wipes makeup off of his forehead]'' Well, gotta be going... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman corners Ernie in the Iceberg Lounge's toilets]'' :'''Batman''': Should have used more makeup, Ernie. :''[Outside, the Penguin and his henchgirls listen in]'' :'''Batman''': Why the disguise, Ernie? Where is he? :'''Ernie''': I dunno what you're talking about. :'''Penguin''': He can't threaten my guests. :'''Batman''': Let me jog your memory. :''[A flushing toilet and Ernie's bubbling screams are heard]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Joker''': No laughing gas, no grins. No way Batboy could trace this back to me. ''(he and his henchmen get rocked by the boat)'' Hey, keep the boat in the water! :'''Fake Harley''': This wasn't in the job description. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batgirl''': Don't be stupid! You can't save that money! :'''The Joker''': I don't want to save it. I want to go with it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You'd better call your fancy lawyers. ''(tosses Joker a nickel)'' Here, it's on me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Joker''': ''[being driven back to Arkham]'' After all, it's only money. ''[chuckles]'' So I'll let the taxpayers foot my bill again. Besides, it'll be nice to see the old gang. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[dressed as a guard]'' One of them's dying to see you too, puddin'. :'''The Joker''': Harley. :'''Harley Quinn''': The one and only. :'''The Joker''': You... you don't know how happy I am to see you. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[brandishing a nightstick]'' Welcome to the club. :'''The Joker''': Harley, my dear, I can- ''(WHAM!)'' AH! - explain...! ''(POW!)'' OW! EEE! AH! ===''Growing Pains''=== :'''Tim Drake''': He always treats me like a kid. :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': Pardon me for saying so, but you are a kid. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Teenagers. I'm glad my Barbara is past her wild years. <hr width="50%"/> :''(the analysis of the mud from Annie's father's shoe is complete)'' :'''Batman''': Oh, my God. ''(runs to Batmobile)'' :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': What is it? :'''Batman''': I know who Daddy is. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Police Officer''': (Talking to Commissioner Gordon who is nearby about Clayface) We'll book him on the robberies and B & E, right? Anything else? :'''Robin''': Yeah, murder. ===''Mean Seasons''=== :'''Zaftig Lady''': Isn't it lovely? I've got to buy one. :'''Man''': For who? :''(she slaps him)'' :'''Man''': What did I do? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Calendar Girl''': Beware the Ides of March! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Miss Solstice''': No, please! I'm too young to die! :'''[[w:Calendar Girl (Batman: The Animated Series)|Calendar Girl]]''': Honey, you're never too thin, and you're never too young. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Pretty girl. :'''Batgirl''': Don't you mean woman?! She was your age when she made that commercial, Bat Boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Calendar Girl''': Another season, another reason for making trouble. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Calendar Girl''': Strange, isn't it? Dinosaurs have been dead for millions of years, yet they still get parts in movies. It hardly seems fair. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Harvey Bullock|Harvey Bullock]]''': Did you read her her rights? :'''Policewoman''': Yes, sir. :'''Harvey Bullock''': Then she knows they don't include this. :''[He removes Calendar Girl's mask, revealing her still beautiful features; she immediately screams and sobs]'' :'''Calendar Girl''': NO, DON'T! DON'T LOOK, ''PLEASE!'' Oh, no...! :'''Batgirl''': She's beautiful! :'''Batman''': She can't see that anymore. All she sees are the flaws. ===''The Demon Within''=== :'''Auctioneer''': Tonight, we offer a number of fascinating artifacts from the so-called "Dark Ages". First on the block is this. It is rumored to have been the personal branding iron of the Arthurian Era witch, Morgan Le Fey. Legend has it this piece has some sort of magical power... Gotham Auctioneers, Limited, makes no such guarantee. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Klarion''': Exquisite craftsmanship, isn't it, Mr. Wayne? Enjoy it while you can. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Who are-? :'''Jason Blood''': Klarion. Why am I not surprised to see you here? :'''Klarion''': We do have a way of bumping into each other, Uncle Jason. Next time, it will be on purpose. :''(starts to walk away)'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': Jason. :'''Jason Blood''': Bruce. Thanks for stepping in. :'''Bruce Wayne''': It was nothing. But tell me, how'd you ever get a brat like that for a nephew? :'''Jason Blood''': We're not related. For some reason, it amuses him to call me "Uncle." But don't underestimate him. He'll do anything to get what he wants. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Surely his parents... :'''Jason Blood''': Don't expect any help from them. The little witch boy turned them into mice. :'''Bruce Wayne''': You're not serious. :''(Teekl opens his mouth wide and hisses)'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jason Blood''': Gone. Gone the form of man, rise the demon, Etrigan! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Klarion''': (solemnly, to Etrigan) Do it. (Etrigan destroys a movie theater while Klarion looks on, laughing maniacally. Suddenly, an ice cream truck is heard.) Oooo! Ice cream! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[holding the branding iron, reversing the spell which separated Etrigan and Blood]'' The Witch's evil now undo, make the one from what is two! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You've done enough damage for one night, young man. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Etrigan''': Mother's Grief. Father's Shame. Soon he goes from whence he came. :'''Robin''': What does that mean? :'''Etrigan''': I'm sending him to his room. :''(Etrigan vanishes with Klarion)'' :'''Robin''': About tonight... :'''Batman''': Don't ask. Just don't ask. ===''Over The Edge''=== :'''Nightwing''': I never thought it would end this way. For us or for Barbara. I still don't know everything that happened. :'''Batman''': I'll never forget. I can see it as clearly as my parents' murder. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[answers phone]'' Yes? :'''James Gordon''': Wayne. :'''Wayne''': Commissioner. What can I do for you? :'''Gordon''': Drop the act. Ten minutes on Barbara's computer told me everything. Like a fool I allowed you to run wild on your private crusade. A psychotic misfit playing masked hero. Now I've paid for it with Barbara's life. :'''Wayne''': Jim, believe me, I know how you feel. :'''Gordon''': You can't. :'''Wayne''': You know how I lost my parents. The only way I could hold onto my own sanity was to take matters into my own hands. :'''Gordon''': That makes us even. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Renee Montoya''': Freeze! Richard Grayson, you have the right to remain silent. :'''Nightwing''': Waived. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's over, Tim. Gordon feels betrayed and maybe he was. He won't give up until he gets me. You have to leave me now. Give yourself up. No one will blame you for what happened. :'''Tim Drake''': What about you? :'''Batman''': I don't know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lawyer''': If the Bat's on a spree, Wayne must pay the fee. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': I'm pleased you remembered me, Mr. Wayne. You can't believe how I've look forward to this. Though I was hoping for more of a fight. But what could I expect from a killer of children? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': We fight to the death? :'''Batman''': It makes no difference now. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gordon''': There's no place to run, Wayne. :'''Bane''': Good. I want to finish him slowly. :'''Gordon''': I want him alive. Alive to rot away in Arkham, surrounded by the monsters he's created. :'''Bane''': Poetic. But no. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': ''[Bane has Batman by the throat near the broken Bat-Signal]'' Time to die. :'''Batman''': You first. :''[Batman cuts Bane's venom tube and sticks into the protruding Bat-Signal wires, electrocuting him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gordon''': Mmm-mm. Keep cooking like that, you'll have me looking like Harvey Bullock. :'''Barbara''': Dinner wasn't the only reason I wanted to see you tonight. :'''Gordon''': Oh? :'''Barbara''': Dad, have a seat. :'''Gordon''': Uh-oh. :'''Barbara''': This is important. It won't be easy for you to hear, but it's about... a job I took on recently... :'''Gordon''': Barbara, please. Sweetheart, you're capable of making your own decisions. You don't need me to approve or even acknowledge them. And in this case, I can't. All you need to know is I love you. All of you. And that is all I have to say on the subject. :'''Barbara''': Daddy... ===''Torch Song''=== :'''Frank''': Lynns! Are you crazy?! :'''Garfield Lynns''': Maybe. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batgirl''': ''(while saving Cassidy)'' Hi, I'm a big fan. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Lucky you were here. :'''Batgirl''': Sometimes it pays to get the cheap seats. <hr width=50%/> :'''Harvey Bullock''': ''(after seeing Lynns' shrine to Cassidy)'' Whoo, this guy's got it bad! Vincenzo, get some pictures. I'm gonna check the fridge. :'''Vincenzo''': Yeah, there's a lot of evidence in there, Detective! :'''Bullock''': Shut up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': What are you doing tonight? :'''Barbara Gordon''': The same thing we do every night, Pinky! :'''Bruce Wayne''': What? :'''Barbara Gordon''': Never mind. <hr width=50%/> :'''Batman''': Why is Firefly after you? :'''Cassidy''': You're not one for small-talk, are you? ===''Love Is A Croc''=== :'''Baby-Doll''': Why don't they ever understand? I'm not a baby. I'm not a child. I'm just...different. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Judge''': Have you anything to say before I pass judgement? :'''Killer Croc''': Yeah. I'm a victim of prejudice. Look at me. Nobody understands how rough my life's been. Just 'cause I'm... different. :'''Judge''': Nevertheless, it is the judgement of this court that you, Killer Croc, are competent to stand trial for murder in the first degree. Court is adjourned. :'''Killer Croc''': Competent! Competent?! That's an insult, you old bag of gas! I'm not just competent, I'm as good as it gets! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': I heard what you said to the judge. I want you to know that I understand about being different. You've never let the way you look undermine your self-confidence. I admire that. I feel somehow that we're kindred spirits. :'''Killer Croc''': Too bad we didn't meet sooner, babe. They're sending me up the river tomorrow night. My number's up. :'''Baby-Doll''': Don't lose hope. Maybe fate will take a hand. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batgirl''': What do you suppose they do on a date? :'''Batman''': I don't want to think about it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batgirl''': Ordinarily, I don't approve of spanking. But in her case... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': What's black and white and radioactive for twenty-thousand years? :'''Killer Croc''': What? :'''Baby-Doll''': Gotham City after the big boom, silly. :'''Killer Croc''': Uh huh. So now what? We call the cops and demand a pay off, right? :'''Baby-Doll''': No. We don't do anything. :'''Killer Croc''': What?! What are you saying? :'''Baby-Doll''': The "Kewpie Doll" knows all about your little excursions down to the docks. I won't let you betray me again. When the reactor reaches critical mass, you and I will die together, and take all of Gotham with us! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Can you stop it? :'''Batgirl''': In a minute you'll either know, or won't care. <hr width="50%"/> ''[Killer Croc gets up, Baby Doll came down the stairs and Killer Croc puts his hands on the pipe plus the sign says "DANGER HOT PIPES"]'' :'''Batman''': Croc, don't! ==Season Two== ===''The Ultimate Thrill''=== :'''Penguin''': This isn't a movie, you know. I'm a legitimate businessman now. I don't want to draw attention to myself. I can't afford to have my associates getting Batman all excited. :'''Roxy Rocket''': But he loved it. I know he lives for the chase, and I was the best he ever had. :'''Penguin''': Ever been pursued by a bird of prey? :'''Roxy Rocket''': Sorry, Pengy. Some things are just too scary, even for me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': You practically threw yourself into Batman's hands. If he catches you, what's to prevent him from making the connection to ''ME?!'' You would've put my whole operation at risk! :'''Roxy Rocket''': Relax, Pengy. First, he's not gonna catch me. And second, I'm not a pigeon - I won't squawk. :'''Penguin''': I've seen him crack tougher eggs than you. I'm sorry, my dear - I just can't take that chance. ''[aims his umbrella at her]'' :'''Roxy Rocket''': What's this? :'''Penguin''': I assure you, it's not filled with birdseed. <hr width="50%"/> :''[While holding the Penguin over the edge of his balcony]'' :'''Batman''': What say we have a little talk, just like old times? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roxy Rocket''': I get it, we'll live to play another day. :''[Batman places her in handcuffs as the police arrive]'' :'''Roxy Rocket''': What's this? :'''Batman''': My kind of game. And you lost. ===''Critters''=== :'''Robin''': ''(seeing giant cows)'' Holy cow! :'''Batgirl''': You had to say it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': That's a lot of bull. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robotic Goat''': ''(making the ransom demand)'' No tricks, no surprises, no Baaaaaaaatman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Farmer Brown''': Check your shoes for what the cow left and check your money. Two solid rules. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey Bullock''': So you survive the Joker and the rest of those freaks only to buy it from Jed Clampett and a bunch of bugs - and I got to be here to see it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batgirl''': Now that's purty. ===''Cult Of The Cat''=== :'''Robber 1''': We're locksmiths, I swear. :'''Robber 2''': Yeah, and the masks are...a fashion statement. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': And you can't get rid of them. They're like old boyfriends or warts. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Wait a minute. Cat worship? Theft? Those guys should be praying to me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': After what I just did for you, you don't trust me? :'''Batman''': I might have been knocked out twice tonight, but I still have my long-term memory. ===''Animal Act''=== :'''Robin''': Nightwing! What are you doing here? :'''Nightwing''': Oh, just following a pattern of obsessive behavior instilled in me at an early age. :'''Batman''': You should work on your stealth skills. I heard you coming halfway across the rooftop. :'''Nightwing''': Good to see you too. <hr width="50%"/> :''(confronted by two bears)'' :'''Nightwing''': You take the brown one. I'll take...the other brown one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Miranda Kane''': Who are you? :'''Mad Hatter''': A lonely wretch called Jervis Tetch, also known as... :'''Miranda Kane''': The Mad Hatter! :'''Mad Hatter''': At your service. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mad Hatter''': "The time has come," the Walrus said. "To talk of many things. Of bears and snakes, and clever crimes. That spring from circus rings." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You all right? :'''Nightwing''': Yeah, what's a couple of ribs? ===''Old Wounds''=== :'''Robin''': You sound just like Batman. :'''Nightwing''': I'm nothing like him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Barbara Gordon''': ''[notices Bruce isn't at Dick's graduation]'' He'll be crushed Bruce missed this. Where could he be? :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': Perhaps he had car trouble. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dick Grayson''': ''[being summoned as Robin]'' This isn't a good time. :'''Batman''': I'm not making a schedule. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Robin''': Excuse me for having a life. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin have dropped in through an overhead window]'' :'''Joker''': Nice entrance. Either you've never heard of a door, or you like picking glass out of your tights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': If you stick your nose in, it might get cut off. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Where's the Joker?! :'''Connor''': I-I don't know! :''[Batman slams him against the wall]'' :'''Connor's son''': Daddy! :'''Batman''': Remember ''now?!'' :'''Robin''': Batman, not like this. Not in front of his family. :'''Batman''': The sooner he talks, the sooner we leave. :'''Robin''': ''[sees Connor's son starting to cry]'' I'm outta here now! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Barbara Gordon''': He was so upset he couldn't even talk about it. It wasn't the first time I've seen him like that. What is it between you two? What's going on? :'''Bruce Wayne''': You really care for him, don't you? :''[Barbara nods]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': Follow me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': Master Bruce, I... ''[sees Barbara in the Batcave]'' Ms. Gordon, I fear you've discovered our little secret. Yes, I admit it - I am Batman. :''[Barbara looks unconvinced]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': It's all right, Alfred. :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[without missing a beat]'' Very good, sir. :'''Barbara Gordon''': Why would you trust ''me'' with this? :'''Bruce Wayne''': For Dick's sake. Besides, I'm not the only one with a secret, am I... Batgirl? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Alfred, contact Robin. :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': I've already tried, sir. I'm afraid he's not answering. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Keep trying. The Joker will have his goons well-placed. I'm gonna need back-up. :'''Barbara Gordon''': You've already got it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dick Grayson''': Alfred, I saw Barbara's car parked out front. Where is she? :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': She and Master Bruce are running an errand. :'''Dick Grayson''': ''(notices the Batmobile is gone)'' What kind of errand? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''(seeing Batgirl)'' Something new has been added: a big improvement over the Boy Blunder. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has just punched Bud and Lou, the Joker's pet hyenas]'' :'''Joker''': Hey! Do I hit your kids? Oh, come to think of it, I do... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batgirl''': Thanks. :'''Robin''': We need to talk. :'''Batgirl''': Not now. He needs us. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': What?! You should be sidewalk stroganoff! :'''Robin''': I changed the menu. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''(dazed)'' Houston, we have a problem. ''(falls unconscious backwards)'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': Batgirl! I still can't believe it! How could you keep something like this from me?! :'''Batgirl''': You weren't exactly honest with me either. :'''Robin''': But you told him! ''[points at Batman]'' :'''Batgirl''': He knew. :'''Batman''': It wasn't my place to tell you. :'''Robin''': But it was your place to put her in danger?! :'''Batgirl''': It wasn't like that! I volunteered! :'''Robin''': You ''think'' you did! You don't know him like I do. He manipulates, pulls strings! Anything to get what he wants! :'''Batman''': I thought we had the same goals. :'''Robin''': Things change. ''I'' changed. The game's over, Batman. I quit. :'''Batman''': ''[trying to stop him from leaving]'' Robin, wait-- :''[Robin punches Batman, knocking him down, and Batgirl gasps in shock. Robin scornfully removes his mask and cape before leaping away off the building]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': Guess Batman had a change of heart. Who'd have thought he had one? :''[He sees the Bat-Signal and draws his grappling hook]'' :'''Robin''': Speak of the devil. You coming? :'''Nightwing''': ''[draws his own hook]'' I guess it's about time. ===''Legends Of The Dark Knight''=== :'''Joel''': Hey! Who's talking about Batman? I love Batman. All those muscles, the tight rubber armor and that flashy car. I heard it can drive up walls. :'''Nick''': Yeah, sure, Joel. <hr width="50%"/> :'''80s Batman''': They don't even wait for an order. Kids these days. No respect. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mutant Leader''': I show you who rules Gotham City! :'''80s Batman''': Okay, son. Show me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''80s Batman''': You don't get it, son. This isn't a trash heap. It's an operating table. :''[breaks the Mutant leader's leg]'' :'''80s Batman''': [''rain running down his face''] And I'm the surgeon. ===''Girls' Night Out''=== :'''Kara Kent''': ''[answers phone]'' Hello, Dullsville Central. :'''Batman''': Is Clark Kent there? :'''Kara Kent''': No, may I ask who's calling? :'''Batman''': A friend. It's critical that he gets this message. :'''Kara Kent''': Shoot. :'''Batman''': Livewire has escaped in Gotham. If he wants to get on top of the story, he needs to get there, right away. Do you understand? :'''Kara Kent''': Who is this? Sounds like a cape to me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Livewire (DC comics)|Livewire]]''': ''[after taking down Supergirl]'' At least Superman had the smarts to keep his distance. ''[tuts]'' Half the size, half the strength, and apparently, half the brains! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey Bullock''': So she smoked you. :'''Supergirl''': We put up a fight! :'''Harvey Bullock''': And lost. I never thought I'd hear myself saying this, but where's the Bat? :'''Batgirl''': We're handling this. :'''Harvey Bullock''': Oh, ''that's'' reassuring. :''[He walks away and Supergirl sticks her tongue out at him]'' :'''Batgirl''': Don't let that donut-dunker get to you. We're gonna have this whole thing sewn up before Batman and Superman get back. :'''Supergirl''': Sure. How hard can it be? Two against one, right? :'''Batgirl''': Right! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Your hyenas have been "watering" my plants again. One more time, and they're mulch! :'''Harley Quinn''': Come on, Red, give 'em a break. We're all bored cooped up in here! :''[She summersaults backwards and grabs a dress]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Whaddaya say we get dolled up and go into town? :'''Poison Ivy''': America's most wanted women on a shopping spree. Cute. I've told you a thousand times: we have to keep a low profile. We can't attract Batman's attention until we have some kind of an edge. :''[Livewire suddenly transports herself in via their toaster]'' :'''Livewire''': Well, ladies, meet your "edge"! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Livewire''': Pick up the cash and load it into the car! I'm going shopping! :'''Harley Quinn''': When did we become "the gang?" <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batgirl''': ''(riding on Supergirl's shoulder)'' Wow! This is incredible! :'''Supergirl''': I know. It's my favorite part. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Livewire''': Are you out of your mind?! :'''Harley Quinn''': ''(Thinks for a moment)'' ...Yeah. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''(notices Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy and Livewire bickering)'' Ladies, Ladies, please. I run a respectable club here. :'''Livewire''': No one's talking to you, lard butt! :'''Penguin''': ''(Sneering with indignation)'' That's it! Out you three pixies go! :''[They stop bickering and trade a smile.]'' :'''Livewire''': This could be fun after all... <hr width="50%"/> ''(back at the greenhouse, Harley Quinn is seen practising, while Livewire is talking to Poison Ivy)'' :'''Livewire''': So this is home sweet home, huh? I guess it's okay, if you're into green. :'''Poison Ivy''': You're not gonna get all hissy and rude again, now that we've kissed and made-up? :'''Livewire''': No, but I could do without the mutts. ''(to the hyenas)'' Beat it! :'''Harley Quinn''': Hey! :'''Poison Ivy''': She has a point, Harls. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Harley, Ivy and Livewire wreck the Iceberg Lounge]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[on the phone]'' That's right, I need chainsaws, dumptrucks, hedge clippers, and a bottle of aspirin down here, NOW! ''[groans]'' :''[Batgirl and Supergirl walk in]'' :'''Penguin''': We're closed. Besides, you aren't even old enough to come in here. :'''Supergirl''': Wanna see my I.D.? :'''Penguin''': No! I want Batman, Superman, or someone who can do something! :'''Batgirl''': Like it or not, we're all you've got. You either play with us, or give up the game. :'''Penguin''': Oh, all right. Not that I know anything, mind you. :'''Batgirl''': ''[smirking]'' Of course not. :'''Penguin''': But I ''do'' hear rumours, about where our little green vixen and her jaded jester may be hiding... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Barbara and Kara watch Harvey Bullock being interviewed on TV]'' :'''Reporter''': Livewire, Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn. So who was responsible for the collar? :'''Harvey Bullock''': Just a couple of rookies. :'''Barbara Gordon''': Rookies?! :'''Kara Kent''': You bum! :'''Reporter''': Impressive. :'''Harvey Bullock''': Well... they show some potential. :'''Barbara and Kara''': ''[high-five]'' YES! ===''Chemistry''=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Everything's changed for me in the past few weeks. The pain of my parents' deaths - it's still there, but it seems... smaller. And there's a new feeling now. :'''Barbara Gordon''': Which would be? :'''Bruce Wayne''': It's a... a lightness, a sense that things will work out for the best. :'''Tim Drake''': It's called happiness. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Whatever it is, I like it. And I know who's responsible for it. I've asked Susan to marry me. She's accepted. She's everything I need. She's perfect. :'''Dick Grayson''': There's just one problem. That. :''[Dick nods over to the Batman's cape and cowl.]'' :'''Dick Grayson''': How you gonna keep it from her? :'''Bruce Wayne''': I won't have to. I've always assumed that sooner or later, the three of you would get all this. Well, it's going to be sooner. I'm not going to be Batman anymore. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dick Grayson''': I give it a month. :'''Barbara Gordon''': You don't think the marriage will last? :'''Dick Grayson''': Not that, I'm saying he will have the costume on again in a month. :'''Barbara Gordon''': I don't think so. He's changed. :'''Dick Grayson''': Yeah, right. :'''Barbara Gordon''': Anyone can change and settle down...even you. :'''Dick Grayson''': Don't get your hopes up. :'''Barbara Gordon''': Ha! As if! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Veronica activates security lasers to keep Michael away from her]'' :'''Veronica Vreeland''': I wouldn't try it! Latest thing in home security - they'll fry you! :''[Michael walks through the lasers, his wounds rapidly healing, all without a hint of pain]'' :'''Michael Vreeland''': Ouch. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Michael reveals leaves growing from his chest]'' :'''Michael Vreeland''': I'm changing back. :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh... if it's happening to you, it'll happen to the others too. I don't have as much time as I thought. :'''Michael Vreeland''': What about me?! Veronica knows! :''[Ivy rips off his human skin, revealing the humanoid plant beneath. Batgirl prevents Robin from throwing up as they watch]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Consider this your annulment. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': This is Poison Ivy's work, isn't it? She must have grown you in her lab, then coated you with those pheromones she uses. :'''Susan''': The pheromones were just to get your attention. After that, it was all me. The perfect wife, so giving, so understanding. :'''Bruce''': I should have known! It was too easy! :'''Susan''': Relationships aren't supposed to be easy. Even I know that, and I'm just a vegetable. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': Eat trichloroethane, broccoli-boy! ===''Judgment Day''=== :'''Penguin''': 50,000 dollars for the diamond. Not a penny more. :'''Killer Croc''': That's robbery! That rock's worth ten times that much! :'''Penguin''': Don't forget, as a legitimate businessman, I have my expenses too: taxes, overhead, labor. :'''Two-Face''': And they call ''me'' two-faced. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Judge''': Is there no honour among thieves, Mr. Cobblepot? And you're worse than a thief. Trafficking in stolen goods. :'''Penguin''': I don't know who you are, sir, but I assure you, all my transactions were legitimate. You see, I had no actual knowledge that the items were stolen. Given that, I don't see how the law can touch me. :'''Judge''': ''[draws sword)'' I ''am'' the law. And I find you guilty! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Guard 1''': Another day, another toll pickup. Wish I had a nickel for every car that's been through these gates. :'''Guard 2''': I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard you say that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Judge''': ''[fighting Croc]'' Court is now in session! You may approach the bench. You are accused of murder, mayhem, manslaughter. How do you plead? :'''Killer Croc''': You're nuts! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': ''[reading about Corcoran and the Judge]'' Relocation, eh? I'd like to dislocate them both. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Easy, Harvey, it's the ''good'' cop. I thought I'd better find you before the Judge did. :'''Two-Face''': Don't do any favours! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Judge''': Hear ye, hear ye! I've overridden your security, Two-Face. Court is now in session. Your punishment is long overdue. I choose death by asphyxiation. May heaven have mercy on your souls, Two-Face. Both of them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Corcoran''': Two-Face, please! I got money, cash! I can pay you! :'''Two-Face''': Don't tell me choir boy's got a slush fund. :'''Corcoran''': Kickbacks from the GothCorp project. A hundred grand, I can have it here in an hour! :'''Two-Face''': Shoulda said somethin' earlier. We could have flipped on it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': So let me understand this: in reaction to Two-Face, Harvey Dent created a ''third'' personality, one that would fight crime. A personality so separate, he even tried to kill himself without knowing it. :'''Bruce''': That's how the Judge knew about the escape hatch in Two-Face's apartment. He knew everything about Two-Face, except that he ''was'' Two-Face. :'''Alfred''': Poor devil. What will ever become of him now? :''[In his cell in Arkham, Two-Face hears a pounding hammer and the Judge's voice in his head]'' :'''Judge''': Order in the court! In the matter of the people vs. Harvey Dent, how does the prisoner plead? :'''Two-Face''': Guilty... guilty... guilty... ===''Beware The Creeper''=== ''[At the abandoned Ace Chemicals factory, news reporter Jack Ryder's crew is attacked with Joker gas.]'' :'''Jack Ryder''': Hey! What's going on here?! We're live! :'''Joker''': No, ''I'm'' live; you're DEAD! ''[gases him.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Think Bat saw you puddy tat? :'''Joker''': Oh he did, he did. He'd never miss a show about me, he's my biggest fan, but just in case. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Let's show the folks at home what really happened 7 years ago. I'll be Batman, you be me. :''[Joker throws Jack Ryder into the vat of chemicals.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[cornered by Batman and Robin.]'' How about that, Bats? You broke my face and got seven years of bad luck! Are you going to try for fourteen, or are you going to raise that anchorman out of the ocean? <hr width="50%"/> ''[Ryder emerges from the sewers, misshapen and demented from exposure to the Joker gas and chemicals.]'' :'''Creeper''': ''[chuckles maniacally.]'' Breaking news! ''[sinister.]'' And if you broke it, you have to pay for it. And now the weather: partially ga-ga with a fifty percent chance of schizophrenia! ''[lurches away, cackling.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Creeper''': I'd better slow down, try to figure out logically what's going on here... :''(sound of ticking, cuckoo clock sound, something breaking)'' :'''Creeper''': Whoa, that hurt! Okay, we'll come back to that... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Creeper''': ''[peaking through a bathroom window.]'' Excuse me, lady. I seem to be having a wee bit of an identity crisis... ''[the occupant screams and runs away.]'' [[w:Buttons and Mindy|Okay, I love you, buh-bye!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Creeper''': ''[rooting through clothing at a thrift store.]'' No. Nope. No. No! ''[tries on a plastic Adam West-style Batman mask, then discards it.]'' It's been done. Any suggestions? :'''Thrift Store Clerk''': ''[deadpan.]'' With your coloring, I'd go green. :'''Creeper''': Gotcha. ''[Emerging in his costume for the first time.]'' :'''Creeper''': What about the boa? Too much? :'''Thrift Store Clerk''': Not for you, baby. :'''Creeper''': ''[intense.]'' I want to strike terror into the hearts of criminals. :'''Thrift Store Clerk''': Cash or plastic? :''[The Creeper slaps the Batman mask down on the counter.]'' :'''Creeper''': Plastic! ''[manic chuckle.]'' :'''Thrift Store Clerk''': Ha. Funny. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': I can't believe it: the buzz on the street is that someone's stealing my routine! Isn't there any honor among thieves? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Creeper''': ''[confronting the Joker's goons.]'' I know you. Last time we met, you were working for - dramatic pause - THE JOKER! :'''Henchman Mo''': We don't know nothin' about no Joker, creep. :'''Creeper''': Creep? ''Creep?!'' ''[beat.]'' I like it. My new name: the Creep? Nah wait, too negative...I have it! I am...drumroll, please. ''[Long pause.]'' I said "Drumroll, please"! ''[he drums on one of the goons' heads.]'' :'''Henchman Cur''': Hey! :'''Creeper''': ''I am... '''the Creeper'''!'' ''[grabs goon.]'' So tell me, from one sociopath to another, where's the Joker? :'''Henchman Lar''': His girlfriend's throwin' him a party, invitation only. :'''Creeper''': Darn it! Left the invite in my other pants! So, what's the address again? <hr width="50%"/> ''[On seeing Harley Quinn for the first time, Creeper becomes smitten with her.]'' :'''Harley''': Hey! You're the creep who's been stealing Mister J's act! :'''Creeper''': Not me. I'm one of a kind, toots. :'''Harley''': What do you want? :'''Creeper''': The inside story on the Joker. Also your phone number. ''[flirtatious growl.]'' <hr width="50%"/> ''[Harley Quinn has dropped a huge shipping crate on the Creeper.]'' :'''Batman''': We have to get him out. :'''Robin''': Got a mop? ''[The Creeper emerges, unscathed.]'' :'''Creeper''': Whoo! I like a girl who plays rough. :'''Robin''': But... she just tried to kill you! :'''Creeper''': You're young. You'll learn. :'''Batman''': Who are you? :'''Creeper''': ''[sinister]'' They call me... "Yellow-Skinned Wacky Man"! But I prefer "the Creeper." :'''Robin''': Call Arkham, quick. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Creeper''': Jilted madman stalks crazy clown girl - film at eleven! :'''Robin''': "Film at eleven"? You don't think... ? :'''Batman''': The chemicals in the vat could have interacted with Joker's laughing gas. And he had Ryder's credit card. :'''Robin''': You mean... ''That's'' Jack Ryder? The news guy? :'''Batman''': What's left of him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Creeper''': ''[confronting the Joker.]'' Wow! It DOES strike terror into the hearts of criminals! :'''Harley Quinn''': He's the creep who's stealing your act! :'''Creeper''': And that's not all, Mr. Happy! ''[grabs Harley Quinn and starts slobbering over her.]'' I'm stealing your girl, too! :'''Harley Quinn''': I swear, Mr. J, I didn't encourage him. :'''Joker''': ''[yanks her back into his arms.]'' That's okay, pooh. I know you're a one-man loon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[re. The Creeper.]'' Which way did he go? ''[An explosion is heard.]'' :'''Batman''': That way. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Creeper''': Aww. Sweetie got a boo-boo? ''[Harley hits him with a huge mallet.]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Aww. Creepo got a concussion? <hr width="50%"/> ''[Surrendering to Batman, re. The Creeper.]'' :'''Joker''': He's a lunatic! ===''Mad Love''=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I don't mind telling you, I really hate these check-ups. If it weren't part of the police physical, I wouldn't be here at all. :'''Dentist''': Oh, come now, Commissioner. What in this miserable world is more beautiful... :''[turns around]'' :'''Joker''': ...THAN A NICE, BIG SMILE? ''(laughs)'' :''[Gordon bolts up from the chair, but is lassoed back in by a shot from Harley.]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Naughty, naughty. Jump around like that and the doctor won't give you a lollipop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[tossing a grenade into Gordon's lap]'' May the floss be with you! :''[As Joker and Harley escape, Batman hurls the grenade out the window and shields Gordon from the blast, then plucks out his gag.]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I REALLY hate these check-ups. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Harley cuddles up to the Joker wearing a nightgown]'' :'''Harley''': ''[seductively]'' A-hem. ''[The Joker ignores her]'' A-HEM! :'''The Joker''': Go away! I'm busy. :'''Harley''': Aww, c'mon, Mr. J., don't you wanna rev up your Harley? Vroom-vroom! :''[The Joker pushes her aside, annoyed]'' :'''Joker''': Batman was right! That teeth gag WAS predictable. Old hat. It's time I capped off our feud with his ultimate humiliation... followed by his deliciously delirious death. :'''Harley''': Why don't ya just shoot him? :'''Joker''': ''[appalled]'' "Just shoot him"?! Know this, my sweet: the death of Batman must be nothing less than a masterpiece! The triumph of my sheer comic genius over his ridiculous mask and gadgets! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': Face it, Harls, this stinks! You're a certified nutso wanted in 12 states and hopelessly in love with a psychopathic clown! At what point did my life go Looney Tunes? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harleen Quinzel''': Care to tell me how this got in my office? :'''Joker''': I put it there. :'''Harleen Quinzel''': I think the guards would be interested to know you've been out of your cell. :'''Joker''': If you really were going to tell, you already would have. You know, sweets, I like what I've heard about you, especially the name, Harleen Quinzel. Rework it a bit, and you get Harley Quinn. :'''Harleen Quinzel''': Like the clown character, "Harlequin". I know. I've heard it before. :'''Joker''': It's a name that puts a smile on my face. It makes me feel there's someone here I can relate to. Someone who might like to hear my secrets. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harleen Quinzel''': ''[voiceover]'' It took me three months to set up a session. I studied all his tricks and gimmicks, and felt I was ready for anything. :'''The Joker''': You know, my father used to beat me up pretty badly. :'''Harleen Quinzel''': ''[voiceover]'' Anything except that. :'''The Joker''': Anytime I got out of line - ''POW!'' Or sometimes I would be just sitting there, doing nothing - ''BAM!'' Pops tended to favor the grape, you see. :'''Harleen Quinzel''': ''[moved]'' Uh-huh. :'''The Joker''': There was only one time I ever saw dad really happy. He took me to the circus when I was 7. I still remember the clowns, running around and dropping their pants. ''[laughs]'' My old man laughed so hard, I thought he'd bust a gut. So, the very next night, I ran to meet him with his best Sunday pants around my ankles. "Hi, dad, look at me!" ZOOP! ''[drop his pants]'' Then, I took a big pratfall and tore the crotch clean out of his pants! ''[He starts laughing; Harleen Quinzel laughs along with him until tears show in her eyes]'' :'''The Joker''': ...And then he broke my nose. :''[Harleen abruptly stops laughing and looks at the Joker with concern]'' :'''The Joker''': But hey, that's the downside of comedy. You're always taking shots from people who just don't get the joke. Like my dad... ''[snarls]'' or Batman! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Knock, knock, puddin'. Say hello to your new, improved Harley Quinn! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Sweet dreams, sucker. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': It's just me, B-Man. No Joker, no gas bombs, no city in peril - just you, that tank and me. :'''Batman''': Why? :'''Harley''': To show Mr. J I could really pull off one of his plans! See, he could never get these fishies to smile, but then I had the bright idea of hanging the victim - that's you - upside down. That way to you, it'll look like they're smiling! Clever? :'''Batman''': ''[deadpan]'' Brilliant. :'''Harley''': Yeah, yeah, I can tell you're less than thrilled. You know, for what it's worth, I actually enjoyed some of our romps. But there comes a time when a gal wants more, and now all this gal wants is to settle down with her loving sweetheart. :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous]'' You and the Joker? :'''Harley''': Right-a-rooney! :''[Batman begins, amazingly, to laugh]'' :'''Harley''': I've never seen you laugh before! I don't think I like it! :''[Batman continues, laughing even louder, cynically, cruelly and sardonically]'' :'''Harley''': ''[deeply unsettled]'' Cut it out! You're giving me the creeps! :'''Batman''': You little fool! The Joker doesn't love anything except himself. Wake up, Harleen! He had you pegged for hired help the minute you walked into Arkham. :'''Harley''': That's not... no. No! He told me things! Secret things he never told anybody! :'''Batman''': Was it his line about the abusive father? ''[Harley looks shocked]'' Or the one about the runaway mom? He's gained a ''lot'' of sympathy with that one. :'''Harley''': STOP IT! YOU'RE MAKING ME CONFUSED! :'''Batman''': What was it he told that one parole officer? Oh, yes. "There was only one time I ever saw dad really happy. He took me to the ice show when I was seven..." :''[Harley begins to sob]'' :'''Harley''': ''[softly]'' The circus...he said it was the circus... :'''Batman''': He's got a million of them, Harley. :''[Harley pauses before wiping away her tears]'' :'''Harley''': YOU'RE WRONG! MY PUDDIN' ''DOES'' LOVE ME, HE DOES! You're the problem! And now you're gonna die and make everything right! :''[She starts to lower him into the tank, laughing softly.]'' :'''Batman''': Except he'll never believe you did it. :'''Harley''': ''[stops]'' Huh? Sure he will! :'''Batman''': How's Joker going to know I'm really gone? All those fish will leave are scraps of bone and cloth. Anyone can fake that. ''[Harley's eyes flick to his utility belt, draped over a counter.]'' True, you've got my belt, but it's not the same as a body. He'll never buy it. :''[Harley bites her nails nervously, pondering her next move.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Joker is pacing restlessly back and forth, trying to think of a plan to kill Batman. He has hundreds of them written on paper, and tosses each one aside and deems it unusable. The telephone rings repeatedly in the background.]'' :'''Joker''': Boring...lame...not funny...it's been done...too Riddler! :''[The Joker, annoyed and angry, finally grabs the phone]'' :'''Joker''': '''''WHAT?!?''''' ... ''[casually]'' Harley? Oh, where the heck have you been, hmm? Mm-hmm? Yeah, yeah... Batman, eh? You don't say... ''[suddenly sits bolt upright]'' '''YOU HAVE ''WHO'' TIED UP ''WHERE?!?''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': But puddin', I don't understand! Didn't you want to finally get rid of Batman? :'''Joker''': Only if ''I'' do it, idiot! :'''Harley''': But it's still your plan, see? ''[shows him his blueprints]'' Everything just like you said, except I hung the guy upside down so he sees the little frowns as little smiles! Now it all works! :'''Joker''': Except you had to ''explain'' it to me! If you have to ''explain'' a joke, THERE IS NO JOKE! ''[tears up the blueprints in anger]'' :'''Harley''': ''[grabbing a swordfish to defend herself]'' Now calm down, puddin'... :'''Joker''': You've forgotten what I told you a long time ago. One of the painful truths of comedy: YOU ALWAYS TAKE SHOTS FROM FOLKS WHO JUST DON'T GET THE JOKE! :''[He snatches the swordfish and whacks her with it, sending her tumbling out the window]'' :'''Joker''': And don't call me "puddin'". <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You know what they say: "a bat in the hand is worth two in the belfry." I guess you're going out on a laugh after all! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': She almost had me, you know! Arms and legs chained, dizzy from the blood rushing to my head - I had no way out other than convincing her to call you. I knew your massive ego would never allow anyone else the honor of killing me. Though I have to admit, she came a lot closer than '''you''' ever did... "puddin'!" <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[weakly]'' My fault...I didn't get the joke... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''(Bandaged in bed at Arkham, after her fall from the window, thinking)'' Never again. No more obsession, no more craziness, no more Joker. I finally see that slime for what he is...a murderous, manipulative, irredeemable... :''[Sees a single rose in a vase near her bed, with a note reading "Feel better soon. - J" attached]'' :'''Harley''': ''[Smiling]'' angel! ==Related quotes== ===From ''Superman: The Animated Series''=== ====World's Finest==== :'''Terrorist:''' Let's make an example of this HERO. A very tragic example, I'm afraid, Miss...? :'''Lois Lane:''' Lane. :'''Terrorist:''' Lane? Lois Lane? The one Superman always saves? :'''Lois Lane:''' 'Fraid so. <hr width=50%/> :'''Lois Lane:''' Um...Superman? :'''Superman:''' Yes? :'''Lois Lane:''' Um, how can I put this...I was just thinking, it might be nice to see each other when I wasn't--I don't know, falling out a window or something. Not that I'm not grateful for all the times you've helped me, you understand. :'''Superman:''' I understand. :'''Lois Lane:''' You do? :''[explosion in the distance, bank robbers getting away]'' :'''Superman:''' It's the First National Bank. :'''Lois Lane:''' You better go. People might-- ''[Superman takes off]'' --get hurt. ''[starts walking dejectedly away]'' I understand, Lois. Really, you do! Yep, you're a complete moron. Why, thank you, Superman, I think I'm a total loser too...geez. <hr width=50%/> :'''Lex Luthor:''' What makes you think you can kill Superman when you can't even handle a mere mortal in a Halloween costume? :'''[[W:Joker (comics)|Joker]]:''' ''[seizes Luthor by his jacket]'' There's nothing "mere" about THAT mortal. <hr width=50%/> :'''Joker:''' ''[to Luthor]'' I sense we are kindred spirits, you and I. Although there are differences, to be sure... like hair. <hr width=50%/> :'''Clark Kent:''' I hear Wayne's deal with Lexcorp could run into the billions. He's a high roller. :'''Lois Lane:''' I hear he's nothing but Gotham trash. Rich, spoiled, and-- ''[Bruce Wayne walks off the plane]'' --absolutely gorgeous. <hr width=50%/> :'''Lex Luthor:''' The joint chiefs have shown tremendous interest. It doesn't take much imagination to envision these robots on the battlefield. :'''[[W:Batman|Bruce Wayne]]:''' Except...I won't allow it. :'''Lex Luthor:''' What? :'''Bruce Wayne:''' I don't like guns. :... :'''Bruce Wayne:''' Blame it on me, Lex. Tell your pals at the [[W:The Pentagon|Pentagon]]...I just don't have the imagination. <hr width=50%/> :'''Bruce Wayne:''' So, he just appears when there's trouble? No special signal? :'''Lois Lane:''' He's not like your BATMAN, thank God. <hr width=50%/> :'''Superman:''' I heard you were crazy. I didn't think you were stupid. ''[uses X-ray vision to see through Batman's cowl]'' Bruce Wayne? :'''Batman:''' You peeked. <hr width=50%/> :'''Lois Lane:''' Clark, keep an eye on Bruce, will you? I'll be right back. :'''Clark Kent:''' Actually, Lois-- :'''Lois Lane:''' Don't be intimidated. Regale him with madcap tales of the nightlife in Smallville. <hr width=50%/> :'''Clark Kent:''' Let's just say I'm concerned. Your reputation is...dubious, in and out of costume. :'''Bruce Wayne:''' Don't worry, I'm taking Lois quite seriously. ''[leans down]'' Besides, it seems to me you HAD your chance. <hr width=50%/> :''[Superman busts into a Lexcorp lab]'' :'''Joker:''' More powerful than a locomotive...and just about as subtle. <hr width=50%/> :'''Joker:''' ''[to an incapacitated Superman]'' Feel free to expire at any time! <hr width=50%/> :'''Superman:''' Thank you. I couldn't have saved Lois without your help. :'''Batman:''' I'm aware of that. <hr width=50%/> :'''Bruce Wayne:''' I could always...''ask'' him. <hr width=50%/> :'''Lois Lane:''' ''[just saw Batman unmasked]'' So when were you gonna tell me--the honeymoon? <hr width=50%/> :'''Lois Lane:''' How could you've lied to me like that? :'''Bruce Wayne:''' Now, I never actually said I ''wasn't'' Batman...ow! <hr width=50%/> :'''Lois Lane:''' I'll get some iodine for that scrape. ''Burning, stinging'' iodine. <hr width=50%/> :'''Joker:''' Look at all the toys! [[w:Santa Claus|Santa]]'s been good to you, Lex. <hr width=50%/> :'''Batman:''' See anything? :'''Superman:''' Luthor's been lining his buildings with lead. It blocks my x-ray vision. :'''Batman:''' Well, there's always the direct approach. :'''Superman:''' ''[punches in the door, bows Batman inside]'' :'''Batman:''' You're learning. <hr width=50%/> :'''Joker:''' Batman. It's always Batman! <hr width=50%/> :''[The Lexwing has just crashed into the ocean, exploding, with the Joker inside]'' :'''[[W:Harley Quinn|Harley Quinn]]:''' Puddin'! :'''Batman:''' At this point, he probably is. <hr width=50%/> :'''Bruce Wayne:''' Come to make sure I'm leaving? :'''Clark Kent:''' Actually, I thought we worked pretty well together. Not that I want to make it a regular event. :'''Bruce Wayne:''' She's all yours, now--if you can handle that. But you'd better be good to her, 'cause I know where you live. <hr width=50%/> ''[Batman takes evidence and leaves]'' :'''Detective Harvey Bullock''': Hey, he can't leave a crime scene with evidence. :'''Commissioner James Gordon''': You want to stop him? Be my guest! <hr width=50%/> ''[to Bruce Wayne, on dating Lois Lane]'' :'''Joker''': My, you do live dangerously. Don't you realize you're moving in on Superman's main squeeze? <hr width=50%/> :'''Joker''': Caesar Carlini, my old pal! Why I haven't seen you since... wait, I've never seen you, have I? You need to get out more. <hr width=50%/> ''[Batman busts in on a Metropolis thug]'' :'''Batman''': Where's the Joker? :'''Binko''': Who knows? Making Ha-Ha with Harley Quinn. ====Knight Time==== :'''Superman''': I didn't think you were foolish enough to make trouble in my town. :'''Roxy Rocket''': Well, with Batman missing, the other crooks in Gotham are picking the city clean. I thought I'd try my luck here. :'''Superman''': Back up. What do you mean, Batman missing? :'''Roxy Rocket''': I thought you'd know. Don't all you spandex boys have club meetings or something? :'''Superman''': We're not exactly friends. :'''Roxy Rocket''': Aww. I'll be your friend. <hr width=50%/> :'''Superman''': Where's your boss? :'''Robin''': Around. :'''Superman''': Okay, let's try this another way: where's ''Bruce''? <hr width=50%/> :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This was taken by airport security two hours ago. I thought you'd be interested. ''[hands over a photo]'' :'''Superman-as-Batman''': ''[takes it, stares at it nonplussed]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[points]'' Right here. Look familiar? :'''Robin''': ''[wanders off a ways, whispers]'' Bane. :'''Superman-as-Batman''': Ah, yes. Bane. <hr width=50%/> :'''Robin''': That was close. :'''Superman-as-Batman''': ''[searching the utility belt for a grapple]'' You're telling me. The sooner we find your boss, the better. :'''Robin''': Right side. <hr width=50%/> :'''Robin''': So how'd you do Batman's voice? :'''Superman''': ''[As Batman]'' Precise muscle control. ''[As Robin]'' Plus I have a pretty good ear. :'''Robin''': ''[Pauses, creeped out]'' Don't do that again. <hr width=50%/> :'''Superman-as-Batman''': All this sneaking around isn't exactly my style. :'''Robin''': What do you mean? It's half the fun! <hr width=50%/> :'''Robin''': See what I mean about him acting strange? He's ''smiling''! <hr width=50%/> :'''The Penguin''': Even if I did know where to find the Mad Hatter, I'm no stool pigeon. Why should I tell you? :'''Superman-as-Batman''': A man's life is in danger. Isn't that enough? :'''The Penguin''': You're breaking my heart. :'''Robin''': ''[Whispers]'' Kick over the desk. ''[Superman looks uncertain, hesitating]'' Just do it! :'''Superman-as-Batman''': ''[Kicks the desk over and into the wall]'' I won't ask twice. :'''The Penguin''': All right, no need to get your feathers ruffled. It happens our capped compadre is attending a meeting of notable ne'er-do-wells. They're hatching a plot to capitalize on your... purported disappearance. :'''Superman-as-Batman''': ''[Lifts him of the ground by his collar]'' Where? :'''Robin''': Now he's gettin' it. <hr width=50%/> :'''Bane''': By combining our talents, we will rule Gotham City. Anyone we wish to imprison, you, Riddler, will entrap. Any from whom we require allegiance, you, Hatter, will control. And any that stand in our way, ''I'' will break. <hr width=50%/> :'''Robin''': He's really being controlled by aliens? Eugh. :'''Superman''': I'm deeply hurt. :'''Robin''': Sorry. <hr width=50%/> :'''Batman''': I hear the city's been busy. :'''Superman''': Nothing the kid couldn't handle. I have to say, for a guy who's supposed to be such a loner, you sure know how to pick a partner. === From the comic book ''Batman: Gotham Adventures'' === :'''Joker''': ''[to Batgirl]'' Yikes, what does Guano-man do? Send you all to Sidekicks' Pun School? You're even more irritating than the boy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[checking a map]'' Let me see... let me see... This can't be Pismo Beach. No sand. [[w:Bugs Bunny|I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque.]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to make sense of Riddler's wordplay using the Batcomputer]'' :'''Joker''': Only ''you'' would solve a riddle with a computer, ''Butt''-man! You've got the sense of humour of a rock! Lucky thing I'm on the team now, for stuff like this. But if I have to wear a flying animal costume, I want to be the Squirrel. :'''Batman''': Don't make me gag you. :'''Joker''': You do and I'll sue. I have the right to remain noisy. === From [[w:Kids' WB!|Kids' WB!]] promos === :'''[[w:Batman|Batman]]''': Time for bed. :'''[[w:Tim Drake|Tim Drake]]''': All right, but a deal's a deal! :'''Batman''': No way. :'''Tim Drake''': You promised! :'''Batman''': Rrrrg. ''[singing]'' [[w:Jigglypuff|Jiiiiig-uh-leeeee-puff, Jiiiiig-uh-leeeee-puff]]... All right, good night. :'''Tim Drake''': The whole thing! :'''Batman''': Hmmmph. ''[singing]'' [[w:Jigglypuff|Jiiiiig-uh-leeeee-puff, Jiiiiig-uh-leeeee-puff]]... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': Hey, I put the capes in the dryer! :'''Batman''': Huh? :'''Robin''': On extra hot! :'''Batman''': ''[strictly]'' Dry clean only. :'''Robin''': Euuuh... :''[Later]'' :'''Batman''': How do you expect me to fight crime wearing THIS?! ''[turns around to reveal his cape is the size of a baby bib]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[teaching Robin to drive the Batmobile]'' :'''Batman''': Let's take it by the numbers, nice and easy... :''[the Batmobile speeds off]'' :'''Batman''': Brake, brake! Don't look at me, keep your eyes on the road! :''[CRASH!]'' :'''Batman''': Rrrrggh! You know what this means... :''[Robin pedals to their next caper on a bicycle]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Hey folks! Joker here with the Kids' WB! Guide to Villainy. Today's lesson: hand gestures. Here we see the 'Come and get me' finger curl that no superhero can resist. :''[Harley Quinn performs said finger curl at Superman and shoots him with a grappling gun, knocking him down.]'' :'''Joker''': Nice form, Harls! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Daphne''': Hey, fans! Daphne here in for Joker because after The New Batman Adventures catch my music video. == External links == {{wikipedia-inline}} {{Batman}} {{DEFAULTSORT:New Batman Adventures, The}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:American sequel TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:The WB animated TV shows]] [[Category:Kids' WB shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on DC Comics]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] [[Category:Cartoon Network shows]] 0qkd7w2juhk0ce6l6k5l5ftvpmdevf6 0 44447 3949218 3945737 2026-06-05T14:12:29Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949218 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:All Grown Up!|All Grown Up!]]''''' (2003–2008) is an [[w:animated television series|animated television series]] based on characters from [[Rugrats]], as older characters facing pre-teens, and teens issues. It premiered as a preview before starting its regular run in America, early March. The show is based on the Rugrats' 10th anniversary episode and television movie ''[[All Growed Up]]'', and the sequel to ''[[Rugrats]]'', which proved popular enough that [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] decided to commission a whole series. The show was aimed at tweens, and teens, and from ages 10 to 14. == Pilot == {{Main|All Growed Up}} == Season 1 == === Coup DeVille=== :'''Dil''' [while sniffing a shoe]: Weirdorama. It's corinthian leather. But it smells like egg salad. :'''Phil''': That is so immature! (sniffs the shoe) Cat butt, duh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn''': Finster, what are you doing? :'''Chuckie''': Drowning, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': Thanks, I'll pay you back. As soon as that no-allowance-for-a-month thing is over. How was I suppose to know Kimi's great aunt was in that vase? They should label that stuff. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': This test is stupid and humiliating! I can't even do the simplest rope climb! :'''Tommy''': Chuckie, you made it almost to the top. :'''Chuckie''': Only 'cause Pangborn pushed me halfway up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Beaker''': Morning. Sit down, find your chairs this time. Now, ignore my mumbling as I write on the board. Enjoy my back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Why are we partners on every project? It's always Phil and Lil this, Phil and Lil that, Newsflash, We're not two heads on one body! We are just two separate people who happen to live in the same house. He's Phil and I'm Lil. Two names, separated by the word "and." I am a thinking, breathing, independent individual and he's... Phil. From now on, think about me without Phil. Okay? ''[pause]'' '''OKAY?!?''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Twins this, twins that. It's always Phil and Lil! It ain't no even Lil and Phil! There's too much "we"; not enough "me"! I ain't wearing anything to that place because I ain't no going! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': I was exercising my right to say no to the President and his stupid test! I made a stand by refusing to show up! :'''Tommy''': Chuckie Finster skipped a class? :'''Chuckie''': Actually, I was hanging out in the nurse's office. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': I've been humiliated year after year, and now my suffering's over! Today I am taking a stand for coordinately-challenged kids everywhere! :'''Tommy''': And tomorrow? :'''Chuckie''': Tommy, don't ruin my moment! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Betty''': Jeez! This is awful. :'''Howard''': I know, we either have to have another set of twins or actually pay for a vacation. :'''Betty''': No, Howie, we have a bigger problem than a lost vacation. Our little Lil is unhappy. :'''Howard''': Right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Betty''': Calm down, Philly. Lil gets her own room, but think about it, so do you, and the computer stays here. And you finally have room for that basketball hoop you've always wanted, and you can paint the place any color you like, except tangerine 'cause it makes your father wig out. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Leslie''': All the right kids are here. :'''Diane''': Yeah. No lame-brains or dorks. Oh, by the way, where is your brother tonight? :'''Lil''': Not here! :'''Diane''': He really is a boob, isn't he? :'''Leslie''': My vote is for immature slob. :'''Brett''': Are you talking about Phil? He's like totally obnoxious in class. :'''Lil''': Not all the time. :'''Diane''': Not to mention gross and smelly. :'''Leslie''': This is fun! And he's really goofy looking, too. :'''Lil''': Not like I'm standing up for him or anything, but it's sometimes fun to be gross. And you know, Phil and I are twins, so if you think he's goofy looking, then I guess you think I am, too. :'''Diane:''' No. :'''Leslie:''' No way. :'''Brett:''' We weren't sayin' that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Diane:''' It's not like you don't know all this right? Phil is kind of a jerk. :'''Lil''': Hey! I can call him a jerk or a slob, but you guys can't. You don't even know him! He can actually be cool sometimes, and fun, and funny, and loyal. <hr width="50%"/> === Susie Sings the Blues=== :'''Tommy''' [to Chuckie]: Come on Chuck, how long does it take to copy your butt? :'''Chuckie''': I wasn't sure if I was letter or legal sized. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': See, I'm vanilla, Crustless Vanilla Finster, I was gonna get the chocolate mango swirl bar, but no, I chickened out at the last minute. :'''Tommy''': Actually, Chuckie, you chickened out at the first minute. But hey, be tight with that. :'''Chuckie''': But I want to be tight with a different Chuckie. The Chuck. A Chuck who takes risk, a Chuck who flirts with danger! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': Everybody's a critic. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Susie''': Do you still have that cute top… :'''Alisa''': Don't push your luck, girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''' [singing on the stage]: One, two, three, four! Can't help it boy, my heart's got call-waiting. Don't want you to be the only one I'm dating. Oops, got to put you on hold. Oops, got to put you on hold. And when our cars, went bump, bump baby. My heart went thump, thump, baby! (Harold plays on a red electric guitar and Dil and Phil and Lil dance and backup sing on the stage) (Other kids, tweens and teens boo at Angelica, Chuckie screams at Tommy and Angelica screams and falls off of the stage) <hr width="50%"/> :'''Susie''' [singing on the stage]: I was feeling real shattered, but my dreams they still matter. So if you think I'm going, baby, you're wrong. I'm so strong 'Cause there's no getting rid of this dream. How can I tell you what I mean? Sure, I took the wrong path, but then I did some new math. 'Cause there's no getting rid of this dream. How can I tell you what I mean? (Phil and Lil, Dil and Harold dance and Phil and Lil and Dil backup sing on the stage and Kimi dances off of the stage) <hr width="50%"/> === Bad Kimi=== :'''Angelica''': Well, it takes a very special kind person to be an advice giver. You have to be soft on the inside, but tough on the outside. Like left over lasagna. Ask yourself, Harold, are you left over lasagna? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Wow, isn't Z totally rockstar? :'''Chas''': Does that mean hoodlum? :'''Kimi''': Dad! What happened to your whole "don't judge a book by its cover" speech?! :'''Chas''': Well, it's different now because the book is hanging around with my daughter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chas''': So, Z, is that short for anything? Zack? Zebediah? Zeus? :'''Z''': No, it's just Z. :'''Chas''': Oh. So, how do you spell it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': (explaining why Z had the electronics) It'd blow his image. I mean, getting excused from class to do charity work? :'''Chuckie''': Excused?! I got detention! <hr width="50%"/> :[Police sirens are heard in the background] :'''Police''': Stop hugging them (Z and his Father), put your hands up! :'''Kimi''' [to Chuckie]: You didn't! :'''Chuckie''': No... Uh, Phil did... but only because he cares..... like us! <hr width="50%"/> === Truth or Consequences=== :(The twins see Dil walk down the hall on his hands) :'''Phil''': I wonder what Dil would be like if we never dropped him on his head. :(Lil shrugs) <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn (to Dil)''': I've been observing you, Pickles, and I must say I find your behavior disturbing. :'''Dil''': Tell me more. :'''Pangborn''': This past week I've noticed you eating exclusively green foods, hopping to class on one foot, and wearing your clothes inside out. What does that tell you, son? :'''Dil''': That you have a lot of free time on your hands? :'''Pangborn''': (growls) This is a standard psychological Rorschach test: I show you an inkblot; you tell me what you see. (Holds up an inkblot) :'''Dil''': A Rorschach test. :Pangborn: (growls) Now, what do you see? (Holds up another inkblot) :'''Dil''': Uh, a medieval castle, hundreds of angry villagers, a raging moat, a fire-breathing dragon, and a honey-baked ham. :(Pangborn bangs his head against his desk repeatedly) <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn (to Dil)''': Let's try a word-association experiment: I'll say a word; you respond with the first thing that comes to mind. Hot. :'''Dil''': Hot. :'''Pangborn''': Cold. :'''Dil''': Cold. :'''Pangborn''': Stop it. :'''Dil''': Stop it. :'''Pangborn''': You're supposed to give me a new word, not the same one I gave you! :'''Dil''': You asked me to say the first word that came to mind. And when you say "hot," the first word I think of is, well... "hot." :'''Pangborn''': (growls) Get out! No session tomorrow. Instead, I want to see the people responsible for your existence. (rips his suit at the back) :'''Dil''': (tries to open the door) It's stuck. :'''Pangborn''': (kicks the door down) Now it's not. === Thief Encounter=== :'''Tommy''': (to the police) He (Dil) is innocent! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': I was sleepwalking, you seriously think I'd go out in public like this?! :'''Policeman''': If I had a dime for every Joe who blamed his crime on sleepwalking, I'd be a rich man. Well, maybe not rich, but I'd own a boat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': (about Bernadette) I want to return it. :'''Susie''': Return what? :'''Angelica''': It. :'''Susie''': She's not a shirt, Angelica. She's a human being. :'''Angelica''': That's up for debate. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (about Dil) Did he admit it? :'''Tommy''': Nope, he pushed the "I'm innocent" act. I'll have to stay up all night and catch him. :'''Chuckie''': How do you expect to pull an all-nighter when you can't even stay awake during the least boring school activity? :'''Tommy''': What's that? :'''Chuckie''': Lunch, that thing you're wearing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil''': I didn't do nothin', I swear. :'''Betty''': Okay, I'll bite. If you didn't take those things, then who did? :'''Dil''': (looks at Tommy) I'm taking the Fifth. :'''Betty''': (to Chaz) Figures, he already took everything else. === River Rats=== :'''Chaz''': Dip, pull, then repeat. Plant your feet and keep your seat! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil (to Tommy)''': Dip, Pull, eat red meant, plant some corn and peas and wheat! (laughs) === It's Cupid, Stupid=== :'''Kimi''': Is it me, or is it kinda pathetic? :'''Susie''': I've seen worse… oh wait, that was Angelica, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie (to Kimi)''': I just wanted to let you know that the same thing that is going on between you, Z, and Susie is going on between me, Tommy, and Nicole, so I know how you feel. :'''Kimi''': Oh, really? You suddenly realized you have a crush on Z and your best friend is a backstabber? :'''Chuckie''': Not exactly. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': I heard Tommy say he was hoping Nicole would turn you down! :'''Chuckie''': But Tommy would never say that! :'''Kimi''': That's what I thought about Susie! === Brother, Can You Spare the Time?=== :'''Tommy''': (to Chuckie; out of breath) Do you know what it's like to be chased by crazy, lovesick girls?! One of 'em wanted my sock! :'''Chuckie''': No and ew. <hr width="50%"/> Lyrics to "Tommy's Tomorrow" :'''Susie''': What's the haps, for Tommy's tomorrow? We know our boy's round the corner from fame. So listen up all you sisters and brothers. To us, T. Pickles will still be the same. What's the haps, for Tommy's tomorrow? We know our boy's round the corner from fame. So listen up all you sisters and brothers. To us, T. Pickles will still be the same. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': (to Dil): And who said you won't be famous, too? :'''Dil''': Three words: Lars Christian Anderson. :'''Tommy''': Who's that? :'''Dil''': Exactly. === The Old & the Restless=== :'''Tommy''': (to Sean): My Grandpa may do some embarrassing stuff sometimes, but he's still my grandpa. So shut your pie hole! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Beaker''': And that's what makes the appendix one of the most impressive, yet utterly useless organs. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': We're catching up fast. :'''Phil''': Yeah, but it'd be nice if we could at least stop and smell the mucus. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi''': Dil, your steamed spinach on a bed of chilled spinach is getting cold and warm! === Tweenage Tycoons=== === Tommy Foolery=== :'''Sean''': Romeo didn't like mean girls. And neither do I. Me and Romeo don't like the meanies. :'''Susie''': (to Angelica) Guess that counts you out! :'''Angelica''': What do you mean? :'''Susie''': What do you mean what do I mean? I mean you're mean! So, adios to any chance with Sean! :'''Angelica''': I happen to be very nice. :'''Harold''': (dreamily) I think so, too. :'''Angelica''': Who asked ya? === Interview with a Campfire === ====Part 1==== :'''Chuckie''': (gets forced to hold the rope and pushed by Kimi) BLEEEEEAAAAAAAAAGH! ====Part 2==== :'''Dil''': ''(sees Bean in an old picture)'' No way. :'''Tommy''': What is it, Dil? What's wrong? :'''Dil''': It's the picture of the Everwood Settlers. :'''Tommy''': So? :'''Dil''': Back row, 3rd guy from the left. :'''Tommy''': It's Bean! :'''Phil''': Bean's a ghost? :'''Tommy, Dil, Chuckie, Phil, Lil, Stu, Charlotte and Howard''': ''(scream in fear)'' :'''Charlotte''': Wasn't he... with you? ''(they notice he has vanished)'' :'''Lil''': He's gone! :'''Dil''': Now that the mystery's solved, the brain sucking Pioneers can finally rest in peace. :'''Howard''': Great! Now let's get outta here! :'''Chuckie''': Follow the buddies! <hr width="50%"/> ''(suddenly appears on Tommy's footage)'' :'''Bean''':''(Eyes glowing)'' An't Got No Brain Or Nothing! '' == Season 2 == ===Bad Apititude === :'''Dil''': Sorry I'm late, but I have exciting news. I just motivated a withering rose to bloom, yeah! It took a few hours and some sunlight and some water, but I did it. And I came up with a great motivational slogan: "Don't Get Down, Get Up" <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': I'm going to be a botanist. :'''Lil''': Do you even know what that is? :'''Phil''': No, but their booth has funnel cake. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Kimi, did you see the school paper? People wrote in reviewing your reviews. :'''Kimi''': Pretentious, boring. Forget it, everyone's a critic. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Dil, what are you?! :'''Dil''': Tommy, you've got to break away, you're turning Blek-anise, I really think so, and that's not who u are, you're a filmmaker, not a bleckie! : ----  :'''Kimi''': Well it was a little commercial. :'''Everyone (to Kimi)''': It was a commercial! ===Fools Rush In === :'''Tommy''': Dil, this isn't a game! Okay, this is a game. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': (to Francine) Either I'm facing a new friend or certain death! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': I'm on in less than half an hour. Be honest, do I look okay? :'''Kimi''': Uh, you're the new PA announcer, as in, no one's going to see you! :'''Lil''': Oh, yeah, so, do I look okay? ===Memoirs of a Finster === :'''Chuckie''': Kimi, what did you find out? :'''Kimi''': I'm Japanese! :'''Chuckie''': You're just figuring that out? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Max has to be the coolest teacher ever! This assignment actually sounds fun. :'''Chuckie''': I'll do your research since you're spending Saturday teaching me how to ice skate for Nicole's party. :'''Kimi''': Don't worry about it, Chucko. This project's going to be cake. Two Finsters, one family tree equals half the work. :'''Chuckie''': I like the way you think, Kimmo. :'''Kimi''': Don't do that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': (to Tommy and Dil) Call me crazy, but that kid looks kind of familiar! :'''Tommy''': Maybe 'cause he sits next to you in every single one of your classes now, he's new! :'''Dil''': Or 'cause he's rolled by 26 times in the past 10 minutes?! Twenty-seven! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': See? Friends are like holidays: you can never have enough of them. :'''Dil''': Deep. You make that up? :'''Chuckie''': Nope. I got it off a greeting card. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': You're not a real Finster? :'''Lying Kimi''': No, not technically. :'''Chuckie''': Right. 'Cause a real Finster would have taught her brother how to skate, so he won't spend an entire party on his butt risking frostbite, or death by... A SCARY BIG ICE MACHINE! ===Miss Nose it All === :'''Angelica''': Hold the elevator. (trips and falls) My ankle! My nose! MY PARTY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Are Lil and I the only ones who actually want to make a tranquility garden? :'''Phil''': What? I'm not a plant person; I'm a people person. :'''Lil''': Guess again. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': The grass is blue. :'''Doctor''': Excuse Me? :'''Angelica''': The couch is on vacation. :'''Susie''': Is that the crazy talk? :'''Angelica''': The pillows are hungry. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harold (to Angelica)''': You have a cast on your nose! :'''Angelica''': Good work, Columbo. ===Runaround Susie === :'''Susie''': (to Randy): What do you call those things before CDs? :'''Randy''': Records. :'''Susie''': Yeah. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': Either tell on me or let it die, but end the torment! :'''Lil''': Maybe for the "your red sock in my white wash incident," but this. Spray-painting your skateboard and accidentally ruining mom's... :'''Phil''': Don't say it! :'''Lil''': Ok, her... you know what. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': It cannot be released in the air, because once it's said, I'm dead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Three words, Phillip: You! Know! WHAT! :'''Phil''': Here's my three words, Lillian: You! Signed! THIS! (holds up the contract) :'''Lil''': I! DON'T! CARE! :'''Phil''': YOU! CAN'T! DO! Uh... THAT! :'''Lil''': You dump Geoffrey or I tell Mom! That was the deal! :'''Phil''': Then go ahead and tell, 'cause I'm not doing your dirty work, especially now that Geoffrey and I are... tight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Ho-ho, cheer up, Geoffrey, here's someone you know/like better, my brother, Phil? :'''Phil''': (Putting His Fingers at Geoffrey) Yo, Geoffrey, you wanna shoot and put through our noses? :'''Geoffrey''': Augh, he's gross! Bye, Lil. :'''Lil''': Bye, Geoffrey. :'''Phil''': (to Lil) I'm gross?! I'm GROSS?! ME?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chas''': Wow, renewing your wedding vows. Oh, how romantic, Betty? :'''Betty''': Romantic my caboose. It's just time for a new set of rules. You know, like "love, honor, and wear a snore guard." Heh. :'''Chas''': Ah. So, did you buy a new wedding gown? :'''Betty''': Are you nuts? I just let the old one out a little. (Pause) Okay, a lot. === ''Saving Cynthia'' === :'''Tommy:''' We were solving a science question! Uh, we found out that p-pudding travels three times farther when shot out of a straw in your nose than uh, straw in your mouth! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn:''' Now, where was I? :'''Tommy:''' ''(imitating Pangborn's voice)'' Look Pickles, I'll let it slide this time. :'''Pangborn:''' Nice try. I&mdash; ''(device beeps, Pangborn tries to turn it off)'' :'''Chuckie:''' Sir, is that one of those overhyped, overpriced, cutting edge digital organizers? :'''Pangborn:''' No, it's an overhyped, overpriced, cutting edge digital organizer that saved my life! True, I was a little worried about compressing my entire existence into something the size of a waffle. My effiency variable has increased by 43%. :'''Chuckie:''' I guess that's important, huh? :'''Pangborn:''' Important! Not only is all my personal information at my fingertips, but it tells me what kind of coffee to order, what to wear, when to go to the dentist! :'''Tommy:''' Huh. Sounds like you just need my mom. :'''Pangborn:''' ''And'' it'll tell me what kind of punishment you deserve! :''[Tommy and Chuckie gasp.]'' :'''Pangborn:''' I put the misuse of pudding, then Pickles and Finster, hit this little button here, and...voila! ''(digital organizer beeps and presents punishment)'' You must water my plants for a week? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi:''' Oh, yes! I remember reading about that in ''Beyond Lipshitz''. Parents should hold family hours to encourage a sincere and sharing dialogue with their children. :'''Chaz:''' That's great, Didi! I'll think I'll start our very own family hour tonight. Really get Chuckie to...talk back! :'''Betty:''' If I want to know what my pups are up to, I just eavesdrop on their conversations. :'''Chaz:''' But Betty that's so, uh... ''(searches for a word in ''How to Talk to Your Kids So They'll Talk Back'')'' invasive! :'''Betty:''' ''Only'' if they catch you at it, Chazzie! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica:''' Cynthia! CYNTHIA! :'''Harold:''' Who? :'''Angelica:''' You don't know her, old friend. :'''Harold:''' Who you keep stuffed in a chest? Gee, I'm luckier than I thought! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica:''' Im''pressive'' how you figured out where Cynthia is, Susie! :'''Susie:''' ''(says sarcastically)'' Yeah, it took a brainiac like me to ask the clerk at the thrift shop who bought it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Susie:''' Just be honest! Nothing wins people over like a warm smile, sincerity, and... ''(pauses at Angelica's glare)'' Maybe I'd better do it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': Okay, so it's not like I haven't noticed how maybe sometimes, every now and then, I may get on people's nerves, but never Cynthia's! :'''Harold''': But Cynthia's a doll, so technically, she doesn't have nerves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn:''' By accidentally erasing my digital organizer, they've given me back my life! Pangborn is reborn! ''(laughs)'' I even picked out my socks this morning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chaz:''' Who's Elmira? :'''Pangborn:''' ''(pets his hanging plant)'' Her leafy tendrils brush my... ''(meanwhile, Stu, Didi, and Chaz usher Tommy and Chuckie out of Pangborn's office)'' === ''The Science Pair'' === :'''Kimi:''' Would you listen to those guys? :'''Lil:''' ''(laughs)'' Yeah. We can win this Space Race on pure girls-are-obviously-smarter-than-boys power. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' I call it the Socks-o-matic. Got the idea from Chuckie. Automatically sorts socks by color and texture so no one has to suffer a fashion tragedy again. ''(Chuckie lifts his pants to reveal mismatched socks)'' :'''Chuckie:''' Hey, who're you calling a tragedy? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Puke-o-rama! This milk is bad as bad gets. :'''Chuckie:''' Worse even! :'''Phil:''' Uh, guys, ''that's'' your milk. You're drinkin' my science project. I'm growing different bacteria to see which has the reekage quotient. :''[Tommy and Chuckie drop their milk in disgust.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil:''' ''(squeals)'' That boy on my arm would be the ultimate fashion statement! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu:''' Anyone see Dil? :'''Didi:''' He's been staying late at school for science club. :'''Tommy:''' Dil's not in science club! :'''Didi:''' No, but he's the subject of three different experiments. :'''Stu and Tommy:''' Oh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu:''' Hey champ, these are nice springs. Where you'd get them? :'''Tommy:''' Uh...borrowed 'em. ''(hurries out of the kitchen)'' Let's go! :''[Didi opens the dishwasher, which crashes to the floor. Tommy winces, and Didi taps her foot, frowning at him. Tommy smiles sheepishly.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' The Socks-o-matic sorted correctly almost 98.4% of the time. But...I still can't understand why it doesn't work on Dil's socks. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Heard of player pianos? We're making a whole player band <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu:''' I promised your mom we wouldn't stay up too late. :'''Tommy:''' Uh, dad? That was three nights ago. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Mom has one. :'''Stu:''' You mean the good silver one she guards like Fort Knox treasure? :'''Tommy:''' Yeah, that one. :'''Stu:''' We couldn't, could we?! :'''Tommy''': Project's on permahold otherwise... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi:''' I've got to admit &mdash; Nicholas hanging on your arm ''does'' make a statement! :'''Lil:''' ''(fake smiles and has a monster voice)'' Yeah, it says...I'M HANGING WITH A BLITHERING IDIOT! :'''Kimi:''' Huh? :'''Lil:''' I've decided to drop the spitball project. Instead, I'm doing a case study on Nicholas entitled: ''The Mind of the Mindless''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' I know what you mean. My dad still hasn't gotten over the day I told him I could button my own shirt. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Beaker:''' ''(speaking to Tommy about his project)'' If any kid had entered a masterpiece like this, I would've suspected foul play. ===Izzy or Isn't He? === :'''Chuckie''': As long as I have your attention, I'd like to bring something to your attention. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': Uh, a little advice, Dil, having an imaginary friend after a certain age is something one should keep to one's self. :'''Dil''': I'm down with that, Safety Boy. I put the "imaginary friend" thing to bed when I was eight. Izzy's my imaginary alien friend. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': What? Lil's breath smells like feet? Izzy, that's harsh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil (to Chuckie)''': You're running for what?! :'''Chuckie''': Safety commissioner. :'''Lil''': And why are you doing this? :'''Chuckie''': (trying to open his locker) My whole life, safety has been like a loony uncle locked away in the attic. It's time I took off the shackles and let him into the good part of the house! I've got pretty good odds, too. The only other candidate is Amelia somebody. She is so quiet, no one knows who she is. (opens the locker door and hits Phil and Lil with it) See, this is just the thing that could easily have been avoided. (Slams locker door on Tommy's thumb) :'''Tommy''': Somebody get a crowbar and some butter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (to everyone else) (about Izzy) IT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST! :Everyone Else: BOO (2 times), (throws everything at Chuckie)! ===Project Chuckie === :'''Angelica''': Chuckie, I have observed your tragic social skills, but because we've been friends since childhood, I want to make a difference in your life. I'm here to help. :'''Chuckie''': Oh, this can't be good. :'''Angelica''': Chuckie, you're, well... a gork. Those sad few beyond geek. :'''Chuckie''': Not helping yet. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Wait 'til yo hear your parts, guys. :'''Lil''': I love the theater: the lights, costumes, make-up, applause. :'''Phil touching Tommy''': Good. Now, how do you feel about a skit in a history assembly? :'''Lil''': Hmm... yeah. Well, it is extra credit. :'''Kimi''': I don't know. History is so passé. :'''Tommy''': Not my version. These guys were cool, real rebels, the original American bad boys. It's going to rock; and I picked you guys over everyone. :'''Phil touching Tommy''': No one else wanted to do it, right? :'''Tommy''': That, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': (about her part in the play) Who am I?! :'''Tommy''': Are you ready? Kimi, Lil, you're... "the people"! :'''Kimi & Lil''': "The people"?! :'''Tommy''': Yeah! They're, uh... important. :'''Phil''': You know what, "by the people, for the people". .<hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': (rapping/singing) :'''Lil''': (after rehearsing the play) Cut! Thomas, were "the people," by any chance, a chorus of idiots?! :'''Kimi''': We want better parts! :'''Tommy''': Sorry. :'''Lil and Kimi''': Hm! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': Just once, I'd like to know what it feels like to be genuinely popular. :'''Lil''': Huh! And what are we, deformed mutants? :'''Kimi''': Well, we are "the people." :'''Tommy''': Chuckie, we're popular. :'''Chuckie''': No, we're normal - except maybe Phil. :'''Phil''': Hey! (trips and makes Chuckie fall down.) === ''Fear of Falling'' === :''[Tommy gasps]'' :'''Phil:''' (to Tommy) What?! (to everyone else) Did you see somebody naked? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica:''' ''(reading aloud the activities she's signing up for)'' Seaweed wrap, spa, pedicure, paraffin dip... :'''Kimi:''' ''(reading aloud the activities she's signing up for)'' Kayaking, mountain biking, hot yoga... :'''Daniel (Instructor):''' I need one more victim for the tracker five hike. Anyone interested? :'''Angelica:''' As long as I'm signing... :'''Daniel:''' Make sure to you wear sturdy hiking boots, travel light &mdash; we'll hook up at 5 AM. :''[Daniel leaves.]'' :'''Angelica''': It spent thirteen years in the making, but I finally met the guy who's worthy of my first kiss. :'''Kimi:''' You might want to give him the heads up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Olivia''': It's okay. Hey you're the guy who was spying on me through the telescope. :'''Tommy:''' Spying is such a harsh word, I'd prefer to think of it as casual surveillance. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' Phil, can I ask you a personal question? :'''Phil:''' Okay, I didn't shower before I got in. But no one takes that rule seriously. :''[Lifeguard blows his whistle, Phil stands up and gets hosed down.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil:''' I don't know about her, but I do feel weird around Tommy when he's around Olivia. She's pretty nice though, and she didn't cry when I accidentally hit her in the head with a giant snowball. :'''Chuckie:''' That was an accident? :'''Phil:''' Okay, I was totally aiming for the head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' Where have you been all day? :'''Kimi:''' When Angelica bailed on her spa appointments, I felt so bad I volunteered to fill in. And you know what? It was the ''best'' day of my life! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' You know, Chuckie, it's great hanging out with somebody you totally gel with &mdash; who makes you laugh and cool. :'''Chuckie:''' Thanks, man! I feel the same way! :'''Tommy:''' You like Olivia too? :'''Chuckie:''' Oh. I thought you meant &mdash; never mind. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Olivia tried to kiss me yesterday! :'''Chuckie:''' She did? So, what did you do? :'''Tommy:''' Oh, what any mature man of the world would do: I smashed a snowball in her face! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' So, you think I'm ready for my first kiss? :'''Chuckie:''' One of us has to be! And I'm on hold until my braces come off. Let me know if you hear bells. Kimi says you do, but she might just be clowning on me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' I gotta go, I'm sorry I would love to stay for my second, third and if it's not pushing it fourth kiss, but I promised to meet Chuckie for phase three. :'''Olivia:''' Go on, get out of here. :'''Tommy:''' And for the record, I like you a lot better than snow. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' Why couldn't I have a phobia closer to the ground? Like spiders...or zippers! I could repell down...or stay here all night and risk becoming a Chucksicle! ''(watches as a rock plunges to the depths)'' Chucksicle it is! ''(hears wolves howling in the distance)'' On the second thought, I need the exercise. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' And in case I don't make it back alive, I-I need to know one thing: did you kiss her? :'''Tommy:''' Don't tell anybody, but...yeah, I kissed her, MY FIRST KISS! :'''Angelica:''' His first kiss?! I'm gonna kill him! : ----  :'''Kimi''': Wait a minute, if we're all here &mdash; who's guarding the mountain? :'''Phil:''' Nobody, we're not playing the game, we're hiding from Angelica. == Season 3 == ===The Finster Who Stole Christmas === :'''Tommy''': (while eating Chaz's gingerbread) This is some rockin' gingerbread! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': (to Kira) I'm proud of you for keeping your cool. :(Kira opens the cab door and a boy gets in) :'''Kira''': (angrily) I'VE WAITED THROUGH 3 STATES AND 2 CONTINENTS! (grabs the boy out of the cab) I'VE BEEN PATIENT THROUGH 4 TIME ZONES! THIS CAB IS MINE! IT'S MINE! MINE! === ''Blind Man's Bluff'' [3.1] === :'''Tommy''': Not to mention they finally re-opened Whiplash Gorge. :'''Phil''': After settling all these pesky lawsuits. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommmy:''' Good call, Chuckie. You have nothing to fear except fear itself. :'''Chuckie:''' That's what I'm afraid of. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu''': ''(to Didi)'' This isn't going to be easy. But don't worry, I can handle it. :''[Scence change with Tommy and Dil.]'' :'''Stu:''' Boys, I, uh... your mother wants to talk to you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi''': So, you two have to pick up Grandpa Boris from the optometrist. :'''Dil''': Nooooooooooooooooo! : <hr width="50%"/> :''[The next day, on the dock, Chuckie and Tommy ran in the boat]'' :'''Didi''': (bumps on a sticker bur) Ouch! :'''Chuckie''': What happened? :'''Stu:''' Didi bumped on a sticker bur on the dock. :''[Didi puts her hands on her hips and frowns at her husband.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': What is it, Chuck? :'''Chuckie''': Just reading the fine print. Specifically, that Slosh Mountain is not responsible for extreme bodily harm. :'''Phil''': Ah, you know lawyers. Always so worried about losing limbs. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': Ten bucks says I can throw up more times than anyone here. :'''Kimi''': You're on! :'''Lil''': Don't do it, Kimi. He has a wicked gag reflex. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Don't touch me! I can walk fine! You didn't dilate my legs, did you? :'''Doctor:''' Now, Mr. Krepotkin, the best thing is to rest your eyes while they're dilated like this. Maybe you should take a nice, long nap. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' ''(facing a lamp)'' You take a nap! I'm not blind! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil:''' You know, we could still go. :'''Tommy:''' How? :'''Dil:''' He can't see. We'll park him somewhere, and tell him he's at the...senior center. :'''Tommy:''' Dil, if mom and dad found out, we'd be toast! Actually, we'd be lucky to be toast. We'd be the bird stuff that we scrape off the toast. :'''Dil:''' Bro'! They won't find out. As soon as we're there, we'll hit Whiplash Gorge &mdash; in and out thirty minutes. :'''Tommy:''' Oh, I don't know. :'''Dil:''' Technically, they didn't say we couldn't go to Slosh Mountain. They said we had to pick up grandpa. Who says we can't do both? :'''Tommy:''' It would be a shame to waste the tickets. :'''Dil:''' Now you're talkin', T'! And just think of poor grandpa, stuck in that ''stuffy'' house all day with his broken eyes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil:''' Well, here we are, grandpa. Good ol' senior center. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Why did you bring me here? I ''hate'' this place! :'''Tommy:''' You ''love'' the senior center. All your friends are here! :'''Grandpa Boris:''' What friends?! Harry? All he talks about are his golf stones. Ira, that guy owes me ten bucks! Anyway, are you sure this is the senior center? It doesn't sound like it, ''(sniffs)'' or smell like it. :'''Tommy:''' Well, uh, that's because it's Deep-fried Chocolate Bar Tuesday! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil:''' This is it! Whiplash Gorge: the only ride in the world with its own hospital! :''[Lil, Chuckie, Phil, and Kimi watch as an ambulence pulls up carrying a man in his bathing suit with a bandaged head and a balloon.]'' :'''Phil:''' They're stuff of dreams. :'''Chuckie:''' Bad dreams. :'''Kimi:''' ''(looking at Whiplash Gorge)'' You'd have to be ''crazy'' to go on this thing. ''(changes tone from worry to excitement)'' Who's first?! :'''Kid on Whiplash Gorge:''' Heellppp meeeeeee! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Just you know, if we never find him, this is all on you! :'''Dil:''' I think we're looking at this the wrong way. Maybe grandpas are like ''chickens''! Some prefer the comfort and security of the hen-house, while others want to roam on the free range! :'''Tommy:''' ''(exasperated)'' Do you even believe ''half'' the stuff that comes out of your mouth? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil:''' How is it my fault? You listened to a guy wearing a bathing suit and a ski cap &mdash; how smart was ''that''? :'''Tommy:''' You &mdash; you used your hocus-pocus mind control junk on me! :'''Dil:''' I didn't do that! Besides, everyone knows it doesn't work around water. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': ''(on walkie-talkie)'' Team Leader Alpha to Team Leader Delta. Report. Over. :'''Lil''': This is Team Leader Delta. Over. :'''Kimi''': Lil, what happened to Phil? :'''Lil''': I relieved him of command. He was being an idiot. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Security chief:''' All right, you know why you're here. Don't steal, et cetera. Just watch this video about pool rules and you can go. :'''Tommy:''' ''(raises his hand)'' Sir, we can explain. :'''Security chief:''' Please don't. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Grandpa Boris cuts the line for Whiplash Gorge.]'' :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Oh, stuff it. I'm a senior citizen, I can do whatever I want. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' ''(to security guard)'' You're not sending me back until I've gone on Whiplash Gorge! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' ...It's just &mdash; well, when you're old, people don't let you have fun so much anymore. I guess I got a little carried away! :'''Tommy:''' You know, they don't always let you have fun as a kid either. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Um...maybe we keep this little adventure between us, heh? :'''Chuckie:''' Deal. :'''Dil:''' Now, ''that'' was mind control. :'''Tommy:''' Hmm, I thought it didn't work around water. :'''Dil:''' Oh, it does. :''[Tommy gives him a look]'' :'''Dil:''' What? I can't tell you everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Sorry I did an stage-dive in between your number, Suezzle. But an old guy's gotta do, what an old guy's gotta do. :'''Susie:''' Actually, the audience loved it ''so'' much, ''(Susie dances)'' we're booked for the next three weeks! You up for a repeat performance? :''[Susie and Grandpa Boris high-five each other.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi:''' Hey you guys, how was the optometrist? :'''Tommy:''' Oh, piece of cake! :'''Dil:''' In and out in thirty minutes. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' No big surprises. :'''Didi:''' Well, we have a surprise for you boys. We felt really awful about making you miss your trip, so... :'''Stu:''' ...We got you season passes to Slosh Mountain! :'''Tommy:''' For real?! :'''Dil:''' Whoah! :'''Didi:''' Look at you two, acting like responsible adults. I'm so proud. Tommy, Dil, how'd you boys get sunburned? And Dad, why do you smell like chlorine? === ''Yu-Gotta-Go'' [3.2] === :'''Phil''': I see something in your eyes, dude. Something I've never seen there before. :'''Chuckie''': I call it amptitude, my man. :'''Phil''': No, it's called eye crust. Don't you wash your face in the morning? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlotte''': You, young lady, are going to be responsible for cleaning the house for a whole week! Now, give me your phone! :'''Angelica''': My... phone? ''[hugs her mother's leg]'' Oh, please! Not the phone! What if it's an emergency?! Like I'm late for class and don't know what time it is?! :'''Charlotte''': Well, that's what a watch is for. A phone is for talking and taking digital pictures. ''[Angelica hands her her phone]'' It's about time you learned a little responsibility around here. Now, go get the pail, the mop and the detergent. :'''Angelica''': Where are they? :'''Charlotte''': I have no idea. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (while reading Angelica's diary) Tried stuffing bra. Too lop-sided. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Chuckie is thinking about selling his father's stamp album to buy more Yu-Gotta-Go cards]'' :'''Tommy''': You can't sell your stamp album! :'''Kimi''': ''[tries to take the album away]'' Yeah, Chuckie! Dad'll go ballistic! You know how veiny his head gets! :'''Chuckie''': I'm not selling the whole thing. I'll trade one teensy little stamp for one deck of cards! :'''Tommy''': If you do, you'll be sorry. Someday, you're gonna look in that mirror and you're not gonna like what you see. :'''Chuckie''': What else is new? Oh, you're right. I can't do it. :'''Tommy and Kimi''': ''[they both hi-five]'' Yes! :'''Chuckie''': ''[rushes out]'' NOW I CAN!! :'''Tommy and Kimi''': HEY! === ''The Curse of Reptar'' [3.3] === :'''Chuckie''': So there wasn't any curse of Reptar after all. Well, what do you know about that. Well, good night. :'''Tommy''': That's it? After scaring everyone half to death, that's it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': So, why'd you even come, Angelica? :'''Angelica''': Are you kidding? Don't you know it's always the gorgous girl with the naturally bouncy hair who stays behind in the house, and never makes it to the end of the movie? I'd be a goner. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil''': You still think we'll get the pool, T? 'Cause I was thinking of expanding my sanctuary and calling it "Habitat for Manitee." :'''Tommy''': Pool, yes. Marine mammals, no. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': We found our old Reptar toy in the backyard and tossed him out. Now, Chuckie thinks that Reptar's mad at us. :'''Angelica''': That is, like, the lamest thing I've ever heard. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu''': We're going to get you boys something every kid dreams of having. :'''Angelica''': A home in Aspen? :'''Dil''': A six week course in Portuguese? :'''Chuckie''': Respect? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': This puts me on Tommy's side, which is a first I'm not particularly proud of. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': You preteens are lucky your parents are smart enough to have someone my age around to figure these things out. :'''Phil''': You know, she's right. :'''Lil''': That may be the scariest thought all night. === ''It's Karma, Dude!'' [3.4] === :'''Susie''': Did she call me about the audition sign up? :'''Tommy''': Yeah, she did. I heard her. I don't want to get hurt here. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': (to Dil) How'd you do that? :'''Dil''': What? :'''Angelica''': The light-glow-warmth thing. === ''The Big Score'' [3.5] === :'''Betty''': How 'bout we squeeze in some "Lil time" tomorrow. After practice, we can have a girls night out. :'''Lil''': We're not shopping for bras, are we? :'''Betty''': That's your father's department. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Everything around here is always soccer, soccer, soccer. :'''Phil''': Dad, can you put on the Soccer Channel? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Football Coach''': (Blows whistle) You expect to be on junior-junior varsity with no upper-body strength?! (Blows whistle) :'''Angelica''': You're the coach! Why don't you show me how it's done?! Put your money where your big, fat mouth is! :'''Football Coach''': That's some squawk box you got on you, Pickles. Any chance you'd be interested in a student coaching position?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': That's it! Sports - it's a guy magnet. I just need a sport. :'''Susie''': You're forgetting one itsy-bitsy detail; you have no athletic ability what-so-ever. :'''Angelica''': Yeah, but that sure doesn't stop Phil. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn''': (To soccer team) And just because we've lost every single game... ever... doesn't mean that today we can't lose by a little bit less. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn''': (To soccer team) Time to work on penalty shots, people! (Softly) 'Cause heaven knows you need it. :'''Phil''': (to Tommy and Chuckie) Tell me the truth, answer me! :'''Chuckie''': Mom, Dad, I don't wanna answer him the question! :'''Phil''': Answer me, she (Wally)'s really good, ain't she?! :'''Tommy''': (to Phil) Yeah! === ''Rats Race'' [3.6] === :'''Angelica''': (About Harold) That skunk! All that hard work, and he's the one who gets to go to Paris, France. :'''Tommy''': You mean Paris, Texas? The finals are in Texas. :'''Angelica''': Texas? You mean I risked my life for a trip to America's dust bowl?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (Looking at soap box derby car diagram upside-down) Not a clue. :(Tommy flips it right-side up) :'''Chuckie''': Thanks, Tommy. Still no clue <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': This much money just to crash a car? :'''Chuckie''': I'm out. Or was I already out? I forget. === ''Wouldn't It Be Nice?'' [3.7] === :'''Angelica''': It's all about having your own personality. That's why I need to get a nose ring exactly like Emica's. === ''Dude, Where's My Horse?'' [3.8] === :'''Phil''': (Singing to everyone) Home, home on the range. Where the deer and the antelope play. Where seldom is heard a discouraging word. And the skies are not cloudy all day. (Stops singing and probably evil laughs probably at everyone, to Lil) Not bad, huh? :'''Lil''': I don't know you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Chuckie, I'm sorry I was kind of a jerk to you the other night. :'''Chuckie''': Nah, you weren't a jerk, just testy, but you seem like you're in a good mood now, did you finally lasso the wooden cow? :'''Tommy''': Nope, I finally accepted the fact that I'm the lamest cowboy on the planet, and I'm completely comfortable with it. :'''Chuckie''': I've always said the key to happiness is... lowered expectations. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Not everyone can expect to be a cowboy overnight. :(Chuckie begins playing harmonica) :'''Tommy''': When did you learn how to play the harmonica? :Chuckie: I play the harmonica? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': What are you looking at? :'''Little Red''': Uh... I - I never met a city girl before. How did you get your hair so shiny? :'''Angelica''': We bathe. <hr width="50%"/> :(On the bus, Angelica's kicking Tommy's seat) :'''Tommy''': Angelica? Do you have to keep kicking my seat? :'''Angelica''': No, I don't have to, but seeing as how you got us into this mess, it's my pleasure! === ''R.V. Having Fun Yet?'' [3.9] === :Kimi: Guess who I found digging through the trash? :Phil: ''(holds hands up)'' I was here all night. === ''Ladies' Man'' [3.11] === '''Insert quote here''' == Season 4 == ===Separate But Equal [4.3]=== :'''Phil''': (to Lil) This is all your fault, you know?! :'''Lil''': You're the one who wanted separate parties! ===Lost at Sea=== :'''Charlotte''': I gave everything to that company, this is how they repay me?! With a free stapler and a kick in the designer pants?! ''[blows her nose]'' ===O Bro, Where Art Thou? [4.6]=== :'''Chuckie''': Not Clowns. Anything but Clowns. Don't Like 'em. Don't trust 'em. Don't want to be 'em. ===Rat Traps [4.7]=== :'''Dil''': (talking about the robbers) Those guys could be mutant androids that spit acid out of their eyes! (everyone stares at Dil blankly) That's it. No more PG-13 movies movie for me. I'm going back to epic romances. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': Why is it that the guys with the glasses and the swollen adenoids always get picked on? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Brilliant idea, Phil. Suggesting that movie. :'''Phil''': Since when do you listen to me? I'm a moron. Plus, Angelica's the one who made us come back in here. <hr width="50%"/> :(While Susie and Angelica are counting money for charity) :'''Susie''': Thirteen dollars, fifty-seven cents. How'd you do? :'''Angelica''': (counting) Ten, eleven...six hundred forty-three dollars and one certified check. :'''Susie''': How'd you do that?! :'''Angelica''': It's nothin'! You should've seen me on my magazine drive. I had a nun in tears! ==Season 5== ===Susie Goes Bad Lite=== :"Tommy": Fine I'll Show You ===Golden Boy=== :"Tommy": Gotcha? ===Trading Places=== :"Chuckie": These Two Brothers ===TP+KF=== :'''Tommy''': That has nothing to do with me liking Kimi! ===Super Hero Worship=== :"Harold": Just As Well I Was Getting Nosy Smelling My Own Breath ===What's Love Got to Do with It?=== (Angelica whines.) :'''Susie''': You didn't really think he was gonna go for you, did you? :'''Angelica''': (Sobbing) No, and that's the worst part, liking someone so much and knowing, they'll never feel the same way about you! :'''Susie''': Gee I wonder why? :'''Angelica''': (still Sobbing) I know, how pathetic is that?! (Sobs, bangs on the clock and screams) ===All Broke Up=== :'''Dil''': I never wanted it to end this way. I love you like an... aunt, but you crossed the line, and then you stomped on it, lit it on fire, and danced on its ashes! :'''Charlotte''': I know. That's why I'm so good at what I do. We could've had it all, you and I. Still, I have you to thank for getting me off my butt and bank into the game! ''[hugs Dil]'' I'll never forget you, little man. :'''Dil''': And I'll never forget you, big woman. [Phone Ringing} You'll Be Hearing from my lawyers ===Petition This=== :'''Susie''': I've done worse than undermine democracy. I've help bust up a family. :'''Angelica''': You've done worse, and that was one hammy reading you just gave :'''Susie''': This is our fault, we have to fix this. :'''Angelica''': No way. I don't get involved in family business :'''Susie''': Since when, and even you know that their own children have to be there :'''Angelica''': Especially if I could get blamed for them not showing :'''Susie''': Your parents could punish you by taking away your cell phone. ===Brothers Grimm=== :'''Tommy''': (to Lil) How much gum are you chewing? :'''Phil''': (to Tommy) Like ten sticks of it, anytime someone just mentions TV, boops, another stick goes in, it's like she's addicted or something :'''Lil''': (Blows and pops a big pink bubble) I am not addicted I can quit anytime! (Phil takes away the gum) I am ''this'' close to being an only child! ===Bad Blood=== :"Grandpa": I Scrub and Scrub But I Ever Feel Clean ==Characters== :[[w:Tommy Pickles|Tommy]] - Voiced by [[w:Elizabeth Daily|E.G. Daily]] :[[w:Chuckie Finster|Chuckie]] - Voiced by [[w:Nancy Cartwright|Nancy Cartwright]] (2003-2008) :Phil and Lil (Tommy's best friend and Chuckie's girlfriend) - Voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] :[[w:Angelica Pickles|Angelica]] (Tommy's cousin) - Voiced by [[w:Cheryl Chase|Cheryl Chase]]. :[[w:Dil Pickles|Dil Pickles]] (Tommy's little brother) - Voiced by [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] :[[w:Susie Carmichael|Susie]] (Phil's girlfriend) - Voiced by [[w:Cree Summer|Cree Summer]] :[[w:Kimi Watanabe|Kimi]] (Tommy's girlfriend) - Voiced by [[w:Dionne Quan|Dionne Quan]] :[[w:Harold Frumkin|Harold]] - Voiced by Pat Mussick. Angelica's boyfriend. :Nicole - Voiced by Lizzy Murray in season 1 (2003-2004). Chuckie's former best friend. :Edith - Voiced by Pat Musick. Chuckie's former best friend. :Rachel (Tommy's former best friend) (who's friends with Thomanita (who was voiced by Christina Pucelli) - Voiced by Meagan Smith (2005)/Denise Pickering (2007-2008), latest appeared in "All Broke Up" as a former sidekick for Tommy ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:American sequel TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Teen animated TV shows]] [[Category:Middle school TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Nicktoons]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]] sm1f41y6b7z91c0rdvayjmv1hazzwfq 3949219 3949218 2026-06-05T14:12:49Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949219 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:All Grown Up!|All Grown Up!]]''''' (2003–2008) is an [[w:animated television series|animated television series]] based on characters from [[Rugrats]], as older characters facing pre-teens, and teens issues. It premiered as a preview before starting its regular run in America, early March. The show is based on the Rugrats' 10th anniversary episode and television movie ''[[All Growed Up]]'', and the sequel to ''[[Rugrats]]'', which proved popular enough that [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] decided to commission a whole series. The show was aimed at older children, and teens, and from ages 10 to 14. == Pilot == {{Main|All Growed Up}} == Season 1 == === Coup DeVille=== :'''Dil''' [while sniffing a shoe]: Weirdorama. It's corinthian leather. But it smells like egg salad. :'''Phil''': That is so immature! (sniffs the shoe) Cat butt, duh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn''': Finster, what are you doing? :'''Chuckie''': Drowning, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': Thanks, I'll pay you back. As soon as that no-allowance-for-a-month thing is over. How was I suppose to know Kimi's great aunt was in that vase? They should label that stuff. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': This test is stupid and humiliating! I can't even do the simplest rope climb! :'''Tommy''': Chuckie, you made it almost to the top. :'''Chuckie''': Only 'cause Pangborn pushed me halfway up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Beaker''': Morning. Sit down, find your chairs this time. Now, ignore my mumbling as I write on the board. Enjoy my back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Why are we partners on every project? It's always Phil and Lil this, Phil and Lil that, Newsflash, We're not two heads on one body! We are just two separate people who happen to live in the same house. He's Phil and I'm Lil. Two names, separated by the word "and." I am a thinking, breathing, independent individual and he's... Phil. From now on, think about me without Phil. Okay? ''[pause]'' '''OKAY?!?''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Twins this, twins that. It's always Phil and Lil! It ain't no even Lil and Phil! There's too much "we"; not enough "me"! I ain't wearing anything to that place because I ain't no going! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': I was exercising my right to say no to the President and his stupid test! I made a stand by refusing to show up! :'''Tommy''': Chuckie Finster skipped a class? :'''Chuckie''': Actually, I was hanging out in the nurse's office. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': I've been humiliated year after year, and now my suffering's over! Today I am taking a stand for coordinately-challenged kids everywhere! :'''Tommy''': And tomorrow? :'''Chuckie''': Tommy, don't ruin my moment! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Betty''': Jeez! This is awful. :'''Howard''': I know, we either have to have another set of twins or actually pay for a vacation. :'''Betty''': No, Howie, we have a bigger problem than a lost vacation. Our little Lil is unhappy. :'''Howard''': Right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Betty''': Calm down, Philly. Lil gets her own room, but think about it, so do you, and the computer stays here. And you finally have room for that basketball hoop you've always wanted, and you can paint the place any color you like, except tangerine 'cause it makes your father wig out. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Leslie''': All the right kids are here. :'''Diane''': Yeah. No lame-brains or dorks. Oh, by the way, where is your brother tonight? :'''Lil''': Not here! :'''Diane''': He really is a boob, isn't he? :'''Leslie''': My vote is for immature slob. :'''Brett''': Are you talking about Phil? He's like totally obnoxious in class. :'''Lil''': Not all the time. :'''Diane''': Not to mention gross and smelly. :'''Leslie''': This is fun! And he's really goofy looking, too. :'''Lil''': Not like I'm standing up for him or anything, but it's sometimes fun to be gross. And you know, Phil and I are twins, so if you think he's goofy looking, then I guess you think I am, too. :'''Diane:''' No. :'''Leslie:''' No way. :'''Brett:''' We weren't sayin' that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Diane:''' It's not like you don't know all this right? Phil is kind of a jerk. :'''Lil''': Hey! I can call him a jerk or a slob, but you guys can't. You don't even know him! He can actually be cool sometimes, and fun, and funny, and loyal. <hr width="50%"/> === Susie Sings the Blues=== :'''Tommy''' [to Chuckie]: Come on Chuck, how long does it take to copy your butt? :'''Chuckie''': I wasn't sure if I was letter or legal sized. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': See, I'm vanilla, Crustless Vanilla Finster, I was gonna get the chocolate mango swirl bar, but no, I chickened out at the last minute. :'''Tommy''': Actually, Chuckie, you chickened out at the first minute. But hey, be tight with that. :'''Chuckie''': But I want to be tight with a different Chuckie. The Chuck. A Chuck who takes risk, a Chuck who flirts with danger! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': Everybody's a critic. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Susie''': Do you still have that cute top… :'''Alisa''': Don't push your luck, girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''' [singing on the stage]: One, two, three, four! Can't help it boy, my heart's got call-waiting. Don't want you to be the only one I'm dating. Oops, got to put you on hold. Oops, got to put you on hold. And when our cars, went bump, bump baby. My heart went thump, thump, baby! (Harold plays on a red electric guitar and Dil and Phil and Lil dance and backup sing on the stage) (Other kids, tweens and teens boo at Angelica, Chuckie screams at Tommy and Angelica screams and falls off of the stage) <hr width="50%"/> :'''Susie''' [singing on the stage]: I was feeling real shattered, but my dreams they still matter. So if you think I'm going, baby, you're wrong. I'm so strong 'Cause there's no getting rid of this dream. How can I tell you what I mean? Sure, I took the wrong path, but then I did some new math. 'Cause there's no getting rid of this dream. How can I tell you what I mean? (Phil and Lil, Dil and Harold dance and Phil and Lil and Dil backup sing on the stage and Kimi dances off of the stage) <hr width="50%"/> === Bad Kimi=== :'''Angelica''': Well, it takes a very special kind person to be an advice giver. You have to be soft on the inside, but tough on the outside. Like left over lasagna. Ask yourself, Harold, are you left over lasagna? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Wow, isn't Z totally rockstar? :'''Chas''': Does that mean hoodlum? :'''Kimi''': Dad! What happened to your whole "don't judge a book by its cover" speech?! :'''Chas''': Well, it's different now because the book is hanging around with my daughter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chas''': So, Z, is that short for anything? Zack? Zebediah? Zeus? :'''Z''': No, it's just Z. :'''Chas''': Oh. So, how do you spell it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': (explaining why Z had the electronics) It'd blow his image. I mean, getting excused from class to do charity work? :'''Chuckie''': Excused?! I got detention! <hr width="50%"/> :[Police sirens are heard in the background] :'''Police''': Stop hugging them (Z and his Father), put your hands up! :'''Kimi''' [to Chuckie]: You didn't! :'''Chuckie''': No... Uh, Phil did... but only because he cares..... like us! <hr width="50%"/> === Truth or Consequences=== :(The twins see Dil walk down the hall on his hands) :'''Phil''': I wonder what Dil would be like if we never dropped him on his head. :(Lil shrugs) <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn (to Dil)''': I've been observing you, Pickles, and I must say I find your behavior disturbing. :'''Dil''': Tell me more. :'''Pangborn''': This past week I've noticed you eating exclusively green foods, hopping to class on one foot, and wearing your clothes inside out. What does that tell you, son? :'''Dil''': That you have a lot of free time on your hands? :'''Pangborn''': (growls) This is a standard psychological Rorschach test: I show you an inkblot; you tell me what you see. (Holds up an inkblot) :'''Dil''': A Rorschach test. :Pangborn: (growls) Now, what do you see? (Holds up another inkblot) :'''Dil''': Uh, a medieval castle, hundreds of angry villagers, a raging moat, a fire-breathing dragon, and a honey-baked ham. :(Pangborn bangs his head against his desk repeatedly) <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn (to Dil)''': Let's try a word-association experiment: I'll say a word; you respond with the first thing that comes to mind. Hot. :'''Dil''': Hot. :'''Pangborn''': Cold. :'''Dil''': Cold. :'''Pangborn''': Stop it. :'''Dil''': Stop it. :'''Pangborn''': You're supposed to give me a new word, not the same one I gave you! :'''Dil''': You asked me to say the first word that came to mind. And when you say "hot," the first word I think of is, well... "hot." :'''Pangborn''': (growls) Get out! No session tomorrow. Instead, I want to see the people responsible for your existence. (rips his suit at the back) :'''Dil''': (tries to open the door) It's stuck. :'''Pangborn''': (kicks the door down) Now it's not. === Thief Encounter=== :'''Tommy''': (to the police) He (Dil) is innocent! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': I was sleepwalking, you seriously think I'd go out in public like this?! :'''Policeman''': If I had a dime for every Joe who blamed his crime on sleepwalking, I'd be a rich man. Well, maybe not rich, but I'd own a boat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': (about Bernadette) I want to return it. :'''Susie''': Return what? :'''Angelica''': It. :'''Susie''': She's not a shirt, Angelica. She's a human being. :'''Angelica''': That's up for debate. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (about Dil) Did he admit it? :'''Tommy''': Nope, he pushed the "I'm innocent" act. I'll have to stay up all night and catch him. :'''Chuckie''': How do you expect to pull an all-nighter when you can't even stay awake during the least boring school activity? :'''Tommy''': What's that? :'''Chuckie''': Lunch, that thing you're wearing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil''': I didn't do nothin', I swear. :'''Betty''': Okay, I'll bite. If you didn't take those things, then who did? :'''Dil''': (looks at Tommy) I'm taking the Fifth. :'''Betty''': (to Chaz) Figures, he already took everything else. === River Rats=== :'''Chaz''': Dip, pull, then repeat. Plant your feet and keep your seat! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil (to Tommy)''': Dip, Pull, eat red meant, plant some corn and peas and wheat! (laughs) === It's Cupid, Stupid=== :'''Kimi''': Is it me, or is it kinda pathetic? :'''Susie''': I've seen worse… oh wait, that was Angelica, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie (to Kimi)''': I just wanted to let you know that the same thing that is going on between you, Z, and Susie is going on between me, Tommy, and Nicole, so I know how you feel. :'''Kimi''': Oh, really? You suddenly realized you have a crush on Z and your best friend is a backstabber? :'''Chuckie''': Not exactly. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': I heard Tommy say he was hoping Nicole would turn you down! :'''Chuckie''': But Tommy would never say that! :'''Kimi''': That's what I thought about Susie! === Brother, Can You Spare the Time?=== :'''Tommy''': (to Chuckie; out of breath) Do you know what it's like to be chased by crazy, lovesick girls?! One of 'em wanted my sock! :'''Chuckie''': No and ew. <hr width="50%"/> Lyrics to "Tommy's Tomorrow" :'''Susie''': What's the haps, for Tommy's tomorrow? We know our boy's round the corner from fame. So listen up all you sisters and brothers. To us, T. Pickles will still be the same. What's the haps, for Tommy's tomorrow? We know our boy's round the corner from fame. So listen up all you sisters and brothers. To us, T. Pickles will still be the same. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': (to Dil): And who said you won't be famous, too? :'''Dil''': Three words: Lars Christian Anderson. :'''Tommy''': Who's that? :'''Dil''': Exactly. === The Old & the Restless=== :'''Tommy''': (to Sean): My Grandpa may do some embarrassing stuff sometimes, but he's still my grandpa. So shut your pie hole! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Beaker''': And that's what makes the appendix one of the most impressive, yet utterly useless organs. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': We're catching up fast. :'''Phil''': Yeah, but it'd be nice if we could at least stop and smell the mucus. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi''': Dil, your steamed spinach on a bed of chilled spinach is getting cold and warm! === Tweenage Tycoons=== === Tommy Foolery=== :'''Sean''': Romeo didn't like mean girls. And neither do I. Me and Romeo don't like the meanies. :'''Susie''': (to Angelica) Guess that counts you out! :'''Angelica''': What do you mean? :'''Susie''': What do you mean what do I mean? I mean you're mean! So, adios to any chance with Sean! :'''Angelica''': I happen to be very nice. :'''Harold''': (dreamily) I think so, too. :'''Angelica''': Who asked ya? === Interview with a Campfire === ====Part 1==== :'''Chuckie''': (gets forced to hold the rope and pushed by Kimi) BLEEEEEAAAAAAAAAGH! ====Part 2==== :'''Dil''': ''(sees Bean in an old picture)'' No way. :'''Tommy''': What is it, Dil? What's wrong? :'''Dil''': It's the picture of the Everwood Settlers. :'''Tommy''': So? :'''Dil''': Back row, 3rd guy from the left. :'''Tommy''': It's Bean! :'''Phil''': Bean's a ghost? :'''Tommy, Dil, Chuckie, Phil, Lil, Stu, Charlotte and Howard''': ''(scream in fear)'' :'''Charlotte''': Wasn't he... with you? ''(they notice he has vanished)'' :'''Lil''': He's gone! :'''Dil''': Now that the mystery's solved, the brain sucking Pioneers can finally rest in peace. :'''Howard''': Great! Now let's get outta here! :'''Chuckie''': Follow the buddies! <hr width="50%"/> ''(suddenly appears on Tommy's footage)'' :'''Bean''':''(Eyes glowing)'' An't Got No Brain Or Nothing! '' == Season 2 == ===Bad Apititude === :'''Dil''': Sorry I'm late, but I have exciting news. I just motivated a withering rose to bloom, yeah! It took a few hours and some sunlight and some water, but I did it. And I came up with a great motivational slogan: "Don't Get Down, Get Up" <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': I'm going to be a botanist. :'''Lil''': Do you even know what that is? :'''Phil''': No, but their booth has funnel cake. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Kimi, did you see the school paper? People wrote in reviewing your reviews. :'''Kimi''': Pretentious, boring. Forget it, everyone's a critic. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Dil, what are you?! :'''Dil''': Tommy, you've got to break away, you're turning Blek-anise, I really think so, and that's not who u are, you're a filmmaker, not a bleckie! : ----  :'''Kimi''': Well it was a little commercial. :'''Everyone (to Kimi)''': It was a commercial! ===Fools Rush In === :'''Tommy''': Dil, this isn't a game! Okay, this is a game. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': (to Francine) Either I'm facing a new friend or certain death! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': I'm on in less than half an hour. Be honest, do I look okay? :'''Kimi''': Uh, you're the new PA announcer, as in, no one's going to see you! :'''Lil''': Oh, yeah, so, do I look okay? ===Memoirs of a Finster === :'''Chuckie''': Kimi, what did you find out? :'''Kimi''': I'm Japanese! :'''Chuckie''': You're just figuring that out? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Max has to be the coolest teacher ever! This assignment actually sounds fun. :'''Chuckie''': I'll do your research since you're spending Saturday teaching me how to ice skate for Nicole's party. :'''Kimi''': Don't worry about it, Chucko. This project's going to be cake. Two Finsters, one family tree equals half the work. :'''Chuckie''': I like the way you think, Kimmo. :'''Kimi''': Don't do that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': (to Tommy and Dil) Call me crazy, but that kid looks kind of familiar! :'''Tommy''': Maybe 'cause he sits next to you in every single one of your classes now, he's new! :'''Dil''': Or 'cause he's rolled by 26 times in the past 10 minutes?! Twenty-seven! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': See? Friends are like holidays: you can never have enough of them. :'''Dil''': Deep. You make that up? :'''Chuckie''': Nope. I got it off a greeting card. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': You're not a real Finster? :'''Lying Kimi''': No, not technically. :'''Chuckie''': Right. 'Cause a real Finster would have taught her brother how to skate, so he won't spend an entire party on his butt risking frostbite, or death by... A SCARY BIG ICE MACHINE! ===Miss Nose it All === :'''Angelica''': Hold the elevator. (trips and falls) My ankle! My nose! MY PARTY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Are Lil and I the only ones who actually want to make a tranquility garden? :'''Phil''': What? I'm not a plant person; I'm a people person. :'''Lil''': Guess again. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': The grass is blue. :'''Doctor''': Excuse Me? :'''Angelica''': The couch is on vacation. :'''Susie''': Is that the crazy talk? :'''Angelica''': The pillows are hungry. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harold (to Angelica)''': You have a cast on your nose! :'''Angelica''': Good work, Columbo. ===Runaround Susie === :'''Susie''': (to Randy): What do you call those things before CDs? :'''Randy''': Records. :'''Susie''': Yeah. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': Either tell on me or let it die, but end the torment! :'''Lil''': Maybe for the "your red sock in my white wash incident," but this. Spray-painting your skateboard and accidentally ruining mom's... :'''Phil''': Don't say it! :'''Lil''': Ok, her... you know what. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': It cannot be released in the air, because once it's said, I'm dead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Three words, Phillip: You! Know! WHAT! :'''Phil''': Here's my three words, Lillian: You! Signed! THIS! (holds up the contract) :'''Lil''': I! DON'T! CARE! :'''Phil''': YOU! CAN'T! DO! Uh... THAT! :'''Lil''': You dump Geoffrey or I tell Mom! That was the deal! :'''Phil''': Then go ahead and tell, 'cause I'm not doing your dirty work, especially now that Geoffrey and I are... tight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Ho-ho, cheer up, Geoffrey, here's someone you know/like better, my brother, Phil? :'''Phil''': (Putting His Fingers at Geoffrey) Yo, Geoffrey, you wanna shoot and put through our noses? :'''Geoffrey''': Augh, he's gross! Bye, Lil. :'''Lil''': Bye, Geoffrey. :'''Phil''': (to Lil) I'm gross?! I'm GROSS?! ME?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chas''': Wow, renewing your wedding vows. Oh, how romantic, Betty? :'''Betty''': Romantic my caboose. It's just time for a new set of rules. You know, like "love, honor, and wear a snore guard." Heh. :'''Chas''': Ah. So, did you buy a new wedding gown? :'''Betty''': Are you nuts? I just let the old one out a little. (Pause) Okay, a lot. === ''Saving Cynthia'' === :'''Tommy:''' We were solving a science question! Uh, we found out that p-pudding travels three times farther when shot out of a straw in your nose than uh, straw in your mouth! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn:''' Now, where was I? :'''Tommy:''' ''(imitating Pangborn's voice)'' Look Pickles, I'll let it slide this time. :'''Pangborn:''' Nice try. I&mdash; ''(device beeps, Pangborn tries to turn it off)'' :'''Chuckie:''' Sir, is that one of those overhyped, overpriced, cutting edge digital organizers? :'''Pangborn:''' No, it's an overhyped, overpriced, cutting edge digital organizer that saved my life! True, I was a little worried about compressing my entire existence into something the size of a waffle. My effiency variable has increased by 43%. :'''Chuckie:''' I guess that's important, huh? :'''Pangborn:''' Important! Not only is all my personal information at my fingertips, but it tells me what kind of coffee to order, what to wear, when to go to the dentist! :'''Tommy:''' Huh. Sounds like you just need my mom. :'''Pangborn:''' ''And'' it'll tell me what kind of punishment you deserve! :''[Tommy and Chuckie gasp.]'' :'''Pangborn:''' I put the misuse of pudding, then Pickles and Finster, hit this little button here, and...voila! ''(digital organizer beeps and presents punishment)'' You must water my plants for a week? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi:''' Oh, yes! I remember reading about that in ''Beyond Lipshitz''. Parents should hold family hours to encourage a sincere and sharing dialogue with their children. :'''Chaz:''' That's great, Didi! I'll think I'll start our very own family hour tonight. Really get Chuckie to...talk back! :'''Betty:''' If I want to know what my pups are up to, I just eavesdrop on their conversations. :'''Chaz:''' But Betty that's so, uh... ''(searches for a word in ''How to Talk to Your Kids So They'll Talk Back'')'' invasive! :'''Betty:''' ''Only'' if they catch you at it, Chazzie! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica:''' Cynthia! CYNTHIA! :'''Harold:''' Who? :'''Angelica:''' You don't know her, old friend. :'''Harold:''' Who you keep stuffed in a chest? Gee, I'm luckier than I thought! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica:''' Im''pressive'' how you figured out where Cynthia is, Susie! :'''Susie:''' ''(says sarcastically)'' Yeah, it took a brainiac like me to ask the clerk at the thrift shop who bought it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Susie:''' Just be honest! Nothing wins people over like a warm smile, sincerity, and... ''(pauses at Angelica's glare)'' Maybe I'd better do it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': Okay, so it's not like I haven't noticed how maybe sometimes, every now and then, I may get on people's nerves, but never Cynthia's! :'''Harold''': But Cynthia's a doll, so technically, she doesn't have nerves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn:''' By accidentally erasing my digital organizer, they've given me back my life! Pangborn is reborn! ''(laughs)'' I even picked out my socks this morning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chaz:''' Who's Elmira? :'''Pangborn:''' ''(pets his hanging plant)'' Her leafy tendrils brush my... ''(meanwhile, Stu, Didi, and Chaz usher Tommy and Chuckie out of Pangborn's office)'' === ''The Science Pair'' === :'''Kimi:''' Would you listen to those guys? :'''Lil:''' ''(laughs)'' Yeah. We can win this Space Race on pure girls-are-obviously-smarter-than-boys power. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' I call it the Socks-o-matic. Got the idea from Chuckie. Automatically sorts socks by color and texture so no one has to suffer a fashion tragedy again. ''(Chuckie lifts his pants to reveal mismatched socks)'' :'''Chuckie:''' Hey, who're you calling a tragedy? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Puke-o-rama! This milk is bad as bad gets. :'''Chuckie:''' Worse even! :'''Phil:''' Uh, guys, ''that's'' your milk. You're drinkin' my science project. I'm growing different bacteria to see which has the reekage quotient. :''[Tommy and Chuckie drop their milk in disgust.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil:''' ''(squeals)'' That boy on my arm would be the ultimate fashion statement! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu:''' Anyone see Dil? :'''Didi:''' He's been staying late at school for science club. :'''Tommy:''' Dil's not in science club! :'''Didi:''' No, but he's the subject of three different experiments. :'''Stu and Tommy:''' Oh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu:''' Hey champ, these are nice springs. Where you'd get them? :'''Tommy:''' Uh...borrowed 'em. ''(hurries out of the kitchen)'' Let's go! :''[Didi opens the dishwasher, which crashes to the floor. Tommy winces, and Didi taps her foot, frowning at him. Tommy smiles sheepishly.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' The Socks-o-matic sorted correctly almost 98.4% of the time. But...I still can't understand why it doesn't work on Dil's socks. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Heard of player pianos? We're making a whole player band <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu:''' I promised your mom we wouldn't stay up too late. :'''Tommy:''' Uh, dad? That was three nights ago. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Mom has one. :'''Stu:''' You mean the good silver one she guards like Fort Knox treasure? :'''Tommy:''' Yeah, that one. :'''Stu:''' We couldn't, could we?! :'''Tommy''': Project's on permahold otherwise... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi:''' I've got to admit &mdash; Nicholas hanging on your arm ''does'' make a statement! :'''Lil:''' ''(fake smiles and has a monster voice)'' Yeah, it says...I'M HANGING WITH A BLITHERING IDIOT! :'''Kimi:''' Huh? :'''Lil:''' I've decided to drop the spitball project. Instead, I'm doing a case study on Nicholas entitled: ''The Mind of the Mindless''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' I know what you mean. My dad still hasn't gotten over the day I told him I could button my own shirt. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Beaker:''' ''(speaking to Tommy about his project)'' If any kid had entered a masterpiece like this, I would've suspected foul play. ===Izzy or Isn't He? === :'''Chuckie''': As long as I have your attention, I'd like to bring something to your attention. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': Uh, a little advice, Dil, having an imaginary friend after a certain age is something one should keep to one's self. :'''Dil''': I'm down with that, Safety Boy. I put the "imaginary friend" thing to bed when I was eight. Izzy's my imaginary alien friend. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': What? Lil's breath smells like feet? Izzy, that's harsh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil (to Chuckie)''': You're running for what?! :'''Chuckie''': Safety commissioner. :'''Lil''': And why are you doing this? :'''Chuckie''': (trying to open his locker) My whole life, safety has been like a loony uncle locked away in the attic. It's time I took off the shackles and let him into the good part of the house! I've got pretty good odds, too. The only other candidate is Amelia somebody. She is so quiet, no one knows who she is. (opens the locker door and hits Phil and Lil with it) See, this is just the thing that could easily have been avoided. (Slams locker door on Tommy's thumb) :'''Tommy''': Somebody get a crowbar and some butter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (to everyone else) (about Izzy) IT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST! :Everyone Else: BOO (2 times), (throws everything at Chuckie)! ===Project Chuckie === :'''Angelica''': Chuckie, I have observed your tragic social skills, but because we've been friends since childhood, I want to make a difference in your life. I'm here to help. :'''Chuckie''': Oh, this can't be good. :'''Angelica''': Chuckie, you're, well... a gork. Those sad few beyond geek. :'''Chuckie''': Not helping yet. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Wait 'til yo hear your parts, guys. :'''Lil''': I love the theater: the lights, costumes, make-up, applause. :'''Phil touching Tommy''': Good. Now, how do you feel about a skit in a history assembly? :'''Lil''': Hmm... yeah. Well, it is extra credit. :'''Kimi''': I don't know. History is so passé. :'''Tommy''': Not my version. These guys were cool, real rebels, the original American bad boys. It's going to rock; and I picked you guys over everyone. :'''Phil touching Tommy''': No one else wanted to do it, right? :'''Tommy''': That, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': (about her part in the play) Who am I?! :'''Tommy''': Are you ready? Kimi, Lil, you're... "the people"! :'''Kimi & Lil''': "The people"?! :'''Tommy''': Yeah! They're, uh... important. :'''Phil''': You know what, "by the people, for the people". .<hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': (rapping/singing) :'''Lil''': (after rehearsing the play) Cut! Thomas, were "the people," by any chance, a chorus of idiots?! :'''Kimi''': We want better parts! :'''Tommy''': Sorry. :'''Lil and Kimi''': Hm! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': Just once, I'd like to know what it feels like to be genuinely popular. :'''Lil''': Huh! And what are we, deformed mutants? :'''Kimi''': Well, we are "the people." :'''Tommy''': Chuckie, we're popular. :'''Chuckie''': No, we're normal - except maybe Phil. :'''Phil''': Hey! (trips and makes Chuckie fall down.) === ''Fear of Falling'' === :''[Tommy gasps]'' :'''Phil:''' (to Tommy) What?! (to everyone else) Did you see somebody naked? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica:''' ''(reading aloud the activities she's signing up for)'' Seaweed wrap, spa, pedicure, paraffin dip... :'''Kimi:''' ''(reading aloud the activities she's signing up for)'' Kayaking, mountain biking, hot yoga... :'''Daniel (Instructor):''' I need one more victim for the tracker five hike. Anyone interested? :'''Angelica:''' As long as I'm signing... :'''Daniel:''' Make sure to you wear sturdy hiking boots, travel light &mdash; we'll hook up at 5 AM. :''[Daniel leaves.]'' :'''Angelica''': It spent thirteen years in the making, but I finally met the guy who's worthy of my first kiss. :'''Kimi:''' You might want to give him the heads up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Olivia''': It's okay. Hey you're the guy who was spying on me through the telescope. :'''Tommy:''' Spying is such a harsh word, I'd prefer to think of it as casual surveillance. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' Phil, can I ask you a personal question? :'''Phil:''' Okay, I didn't shower before I got in. But no one takes that rule seriously. :''[Lifeguard blows his whistle, Phil stands up and gets hosed down.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil:''' I don't know about her, but I do feel weird around Tommy when he's around Olivia. She's pretty nice though, and she didn't cry when I accidentally hit her in the head with a giant snowball. :'''Chuckie:''' That was an accident? :'''Phil:''' Okay, I was totally aiming for the head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' Where have you been all day? :'''Kimi:''' When Angelica bailed on her spa appointments, I felt so bad I volunteered to fill in. And you know what? It was the ''best'' day of my life! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' You know, Chuckie, it's great hanging out with somebody you totally gel with &mdash; who makes you laugh and cool. :'''Chuckie:''' Thanks, man! I feel the same way! :'''Tommy:''' You like Olivia too? :'''Chuckie:''' Oh. I thought you meant &mdash; never mind. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Olivia tried to kiss me yesterday! :'''Chuckie:''' She did? So, what did you do? :'''Tommy:''' Oh, what any mature man of the world would do: I smashed a snowball in her face! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' So, you think I'm ready for my first kiss? :'''Chuckie:''' One of us has to be! And I'm on hold until my braces come off. Let me know if you hear bells. Kimi says you do, but she might just be clowning on me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' I gotta go, I'm sorry I would love to stay for my second, third and if it's not pushing it fourth kiss, but I promised to meet Chuckie for phase three. :'''Olivia:''' Go on, get out of here. :'''Tommy:''' And for the record, I like you a lot better than snow. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' Why couldn't I have a phobia closer to the ground? Like spiders...or zippers! I could repell down...or stay here all night and risk becoming a Chucksicle! ''(watches as a rock plunges to the depths)'' Chucksicle it is! ''(hears wolves howling in the distance)'' On the second thought, I need the exercise. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' And in case I don't make it back alive, I-I need to know one thing: did you kiss her? :'''Tommy:''' Don't tell anybody, but...yeah, I kissed her, MY FIRST KISS! :'''Angelica:''' His first kiss?! I'm gonna kill him! : ----  :'''Kimi''': Wait a minute, if we're all here &mdash; who's guarding the mountain? :'''Phil:''' Nobody, we're not playing the game, we're hiding from Angelica. == Season 3 == ===The Finster Who Stole Christmas === :'''Tommy''': (while eating Chaz's gingerbread) This is some rockin' gingerbread! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': (to Kira) I'm proud of you for keeping your cool. :(Kira opens the cab door and a boy gets in) :'''Kira''': (angrily) I'VE WAITED THROUGH 3 STATES AND 2 CONTINENTS! (grabs the boy out of the cab) I'VE BEEN PATIENT THROUGH 4 TIME ZONES! THIS CAB IS MINE! IT'S MINE! MINE! === ''Blind Man's Bluff'' [3.1] === :'''Tommy''': Not to mention they finally re-opened Whiplash Gorge. :'''Phil''': After settling all these pesky lawsuits. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommmy:''' Good call, Chuckie. You have nothing to fear except fear itself. :'''Chuckie:''' That's what I'm afraid of. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu''': ''(to Didi)'' This isn't going to be easy. But don't worry, I can handle it. :''[Scence change with Tommy and Dil.]'' :'''Stu:''' Boys, I, uh... your mother wants to talk to you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi''': So, you two have to pick up Grandpa Boris from the optometrist. :'''Dil''': Nooooooooooooooooo! : <hr width="50%"/> :''[The next day, on the dock, Chuckie and Tommy ran in the boat]'' :'''Didi''': (bumps on a sticker bur) Ouch! :'''Chuckie''': What happened? :'''Stu:''' Didi bumped on a sticker bur on the dock. :''[Didi puts her hands on her hips and frowns at her husband.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': What is it, Chuck? :'''Chuckie''': Just reading the fine print. Specifically, that Slosh Mountain is not responsible for extreme bodily harm. :'''Phil''': Ah, you know lawyers. Always so worried about losing limbs. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': Ten bucks says I can throw up more times than anyone here. :'''Kimi''': You're on! :'''Lil''': Don't do it, Kimi. He has a wicked gag reflex. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Don't touch me! I can walk fine! You didn't dilate my legs, did you? :'''Doctor:''' Now, Mr. Krepotkin, the best thing is to rest your eyes while they're dilated like this. Maybe you should take a nice, long nap. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' ''(facing a lamp)'' You take a nap! I'm not blind! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil:''' You know, we could still go. :'''Tommy:''' How? :'''Dil:''' He can't see. We'll park him somewhere, and tell him he's at the...senior center. :'''Tommy:''' Dil, if mom and dad found out, we'd be toast! Actually, we'd be lucky to be toast. We'd be the bird stuff that we scrape off the toast. :'''Dil:''' Bro'! They won't find out. As soon as we're there, we'll hit Whiplash Gorge &mdash; in and out thirty minutes. :'''Tommy:''' Oh, I don't know. :'''Dil:''' Technically, they didn't say we couldn't go to Slosh Mountain. They said we had to pick up grandpa. Who says we can't do both? :'''Tommy:''' It would be a shame to waste the tickets. :'''Dil:''' Now you're talkin', T'! And just think of poor grandpa, stuck in that ''stuffy'' house all day with his broken eyes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil:''' Well, here we are, grandpa. Good ol' senior center. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Why did you bring me here? I ''hate'' this place! :'''Tommy:''' You ''love'' the senior center. All your friends are here! :'''Grandpa Boris:''' What friends?! Harry? All he talks about are his golf stones. Ira, that guy owes me ten bucks! Anyway, are you sure this is the senior center? It doesn't sound like it, ''(sniffs)'' or smell like it. :'''Tommy:''' Well, uh, that's because it's Deep-fried Chocolate Bar Tuesday! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil:''' This is it! Whiplash Gorge: the only ride in the world with its own hospital! :''[Lil, Chuckie, Phil, and Kimi watch as an ambulence pulls up carrying a man in his bathing suit with a bandaged head and a balloon.]'' :'''Phil:''' They're stuff of dreams. :'''Chuckie:''' Bad dreams. :'''Kimi:''' ''(looking at Whiplash Gorge)'' You'd have to be ''crazy'' to go on this thing. ''(changes tone from worry to excitement)'' Who's first?! :'''Kid on Whiplash Gorge:''' Heellppp meeeeeee! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Just you know, if we never find him, this is all on you! :'''Dil:''' I think we're looking at this the wrong way. Maybe grandpas are like ''chickens''! Some prefer the comfort and security of the hen-house, while others want to roam on the free range! :'''Tommy:''' ''(exasperated)'' Do you even believe ''half'' the stuff that comes out of your mouth? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil:''' How is it my fault? You listened to a guy wearing a bathing suit and a ski cap &mdash; how smart was ''that''? :'''Tommy:''' You &mdash; you used your hocus-pocus mind control junk on me! :'''Dil:''' I didn't do that! Besides, everyone knows it doesn't work around water. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': ''(on walkie-talkie)'' Team Leader Alpha to Team Leader Delta. Report. Over. :'''Lil''': This is Team Leader Delta. Over. :'''Kimi''': Lil, what happened to Phil? :'''Lil''': I relieved him of command. He was being an idiot. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Security chief:''' All right, you know why you're here. Don't steal, et cetera. Just watch this video about pool rules and you can go. :'''Tommy:''' ''(raises his hand)'' Sir, we can explain. :'''Security chief:''' Please don't. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Grandpa Boris cuts the line for Whiplash Gorge.]'' :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Oh, stuff it. I'm a senior citizen, I can do whatever I want. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' ''(to security guard)'' You're not sending me back until I've gone on Whiplash Gorge! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' ...It's just &mdash; well, when you're old, people don't let you have fun so much anymore. I guess I got a little carried away! :'''Tommy:''' You know, they don't always let you have fun as a kid either. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Um...maybe we keep this little adventure between us, heh? :'''Chuckie:''' Deal. :'''Dil:''' Now, ''that'' was mind control. :'''Tommy:''' Hmm, I thought it didn't work around water. :'''Dil:''' Oh, it does. :''[Tommy gives him a look]'' :'''Dil:''' What? I can't tell you everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Sorry I did an stage-dive in between your number, Suezzle. But an old guy's gotta do, what an old guy's gotta do. :'''Susie:''' Actually, the audience loved it ''so'' much, ''(Susie dances)'' we're booked for the next three weeks! You up for a repeat performance? :''[Susie and Grandpa Boris high-five each other.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi:''' Hey you guys, how was the optometrist? :'''Tommy:''' Oh, piece of cake! :'''Dil:''' In and out in thirty minutes. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' No big surprises. :'''Didi:''' Well, we have a surprise for you boys. We felt really awful about making you miss your trip, so... :'''Stu:''' ...We got you season passes to Slosh Mountain! :'''Tommy:''' For real?! :'''Dil:''' Whoah! :'''Didi:''' Look at you two, acting like responsible adults. I'm so proud. Tommy, Dil, how'd you boys get sunburned? And Dad, why do you smell like chlorine? === ''Yu-Gotta-Go'' [3.2] === :'''Phil''': I see something in your eyes, dude. Something I've never seen there before. :'''Chuckie''': I call it amptitude, my man. :'''Phil''': No, it's called eye crust. Don't you wash your face in the morning? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlotte''': You, young lady, are going to be responsible for cleaning the house for a whole week! Now, give me your phone! :'''Angelica''': My... phone? ''[hugs her mother's leg]'' Oh, please! Not the phone! What if it's an emergency?! Like I'm late for class and don't know what time it is?! :'''Charlotte''': Well, that's what a watch is for. A phone is for talking and taking digital pictures. ''[Angelica hands her her phone]'' It's about time you learned a little responsibility around here. Now, go get the pail, the mop and the detergent. :'''Angelica''': Where are they? :'''Charlotte''': I have no idea. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (while reading Angelica's diary) Tried stuffing bra. Too lop-sided. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Chuckie is thinking about selling his father's stamp album to buy more Yu-Gotta-Go cards]'' :'''Tommy''': You can't sell your stamp album! :'''Kimi''': ''[tries to take the album away]'' Yeah, Chuckie! Dad'll go ballistic! You know how veiny his head gets! :'''Chuckie''': I'm not selling the whole thing. I'll trade one teensy little stamp for one deck of cards! :'''Tommy''': If you do, you'll be sorry. Someday, you're gonna look in that mirror and you're not gonna like what you see. :'''Chuckie''': What else is new? Oh, you're right. I can't do it. :'''Tommy and Kimi''': ''[they both hi-five]'' Yes! :'''Chuckie''': ''[rushes out]'' NOW I CAN!! :'''Tommy and Kimi''': HEY! === ''The Curse of Reptar'' [3.3] === :'''Chuckie''': So there wasn't any curse of Reptar after all. Well, what do you know about that. Well, good night. :'''Tommy''': That's it? After scaring everyone half to death, that's it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': So, why'd you even come, Angelica? :'''Angelica''': Are you kidding? Don't you know it's always the gorgous girl with the naturally bouncy hair who stays behind in the house, and never makes it to the end of the movie? I'd be a goner. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil''': You still think we'll get the pool, T? 'Cause I was thinking of expanding my sanctuary and calling it "Habitat for Manitee." :'''Tommy''': Pool, yes. Marine mammals, no. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': We found our old Reptar toy in the backyard and tossed him out. Now, Chuckie thinks that Reptar's mad at us. :'''Angelica''': That is, like, the lamest thing I've ever heard. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu''': We're going to get you boys something every kid dreams of having. :'''Angelica''': A home in Aspen? :'''Dil''': A six week course in Portuguese? :'''Chuckie''': Respect? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': This puts me on Tommy's side, which is a first I'm not particularly proud of. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': You preteens are lucky your parents are smart enough to have someone my age around to figure these things out. :'''Phil''': You know, she's right. :'''Lil''': That may be the scariest thought all night. === ''It's Karma, Dude!'' [3.4] === :'''Susie''': Did she call me about the audition sign up? :'''Tommy''': Yeah, she did. I heard her. I don't want to get hurt here. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': (to Dil) How'd you do that? :'''Dil''': What? :'''Angelica''': The light-glow-warmth thing. === ''The Big Score'' [3.5] === :'''Betty''': How 'bout we squeeze in some "Lil time" tomorrow. After practice, we can have a girls night out. :'''Lil''': We're not shopping for bras, are we? :'''Betty''': That's your father's department. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Everything around here is always soccer, soccer, soccer. :'''Phil''': Dad, can you put on the Soccer Channel? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Football Coach''': (Blows whistle) You expect to be on junior-junior varsity with no upper-body strength?! (Blows whistle) :'''Angelica''': You're the coach! Why don't you show me how it's done?! Put your money where your big, fat mouth is! :'''Football Coach''': That's some squawk box you got on you, Pickles. Any chance you'd be interested in a student coaching position?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': That's it! Sports - it's a guy magnet. I just need a sport. :'''Susie''': You're forgetting one itsy-bitsy detail; you have no athletic ability what-so-ever. :'''Angelica''': Yeah, but that sure doesn't stop Phil. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn''': (To soccer team) And just because we've lost every single game... ever... doesn't mean that today we can't lose by a little bit less. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn''': (To soccer team) Time to work on penalty shots, people! (Softly) 'Cause heaven knows you need it. :'''Phil''': (to Tommy and Chuckie) Tell me the truth, answer me! :'''Chuckie''': Mom, Dad, I don't wanna answer him the question! :'''Phil''': Answer me, she (Wally)'s really good, ain't she?! :'''Tommy''': (to Phil) Yeah! === ''Rats Race'' [3.6] === :'''Angelica''': (About Harold) That skunk! All that hard work, and he's the one who gets to go to Paris, France. :'''Tommy''': You mean Paris, Texas? The finals are in Texas. :'''Angelica''': Texas? You mean I risked my life for a trip to America's dust bowl?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (Looking at soap box derby car diagram upside-down) Not a clue. :(Tommy flips it right-side up) :'''Chuckie''': Thanks, Tommy. Still no clue <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': This much money just to crash a car? :'''Chuckie''': I'm out. Or was I already out? I forget. === ''Wouldn't It Be Nice?'' [3.7] === :'''Angelica''': It's all about having your own personality. That's why I need to get a nose ring exactly like Emica's. === ''Dude, Where's My Horse?'' [3.8] === :'''Phil''': (Singing to everyone) Home, home on the range. Where the deer and the antelope play. Where seldom is heard a discouraging word. And the skies are not cloudy all day. (Stops singing and probably evil laughs probably at everyone, to Lil) Not bad, huh? :'''Lil''': I don't know you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Chuckie, I'm sorry I was kind of a jerk to you the other night. :'''Chuckie''': Nah, you weren't a jerk, just testy, but you seem like you're in a good mood now, did you finally lasso the wooden cow? :'''Tommy''': Nope, I finally accepted the fact that I'm the lamest cowboy on the planet, and I'm completely comfortable with it. :'''Chuckie''': I've always said the key to happiness is... lowered expectations. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Not everyone can expect to be a cowboy overnight. :(Chuckie begins playing harmonica) :'''Tommy''': When did you learn how to play the harmonica? :Chuckie: I play the harmonica? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': What are you looking at? :'''Little Red''': Uh... I - I never met a city girl before. How did you get your hair so shiny? :'''Angelica''': We bathe. <hr width="50%"/> :(On the bus, Angelica's kicking Tommy's seat) :'''Tommy''': Angelica? Do you have to keep kicking my seat? :'''Angelica''': No, I don't have to, but seeing as how you got us into this mess, it's my pleasure! === ''R.V. Having Fun Yet?'' [3.9] === :Kimi: Guess who I found digging through the trash? :Phil: ''(holds hands up)'' I was here all night. === ''Ladies' Man'' [3.11] === '''Insert quote here''' == Season 4 == ===Separate But Equal [4.3]=== :'''Phil''': (to Lil) This is all your fault, you know?! :'''Lil''': You're the one who wanted separate parties! ===Lost at Sea=== :'''Charlotte''': I gave everything to that company, this is how they repay me?! With a free stapler and a kick in the designer pants?! ''[blows her nose]'' ===O Bro, Where Art Thou? [4.6]=== :'''Chuckie''': Not Clowns. Anything but Clowns. Don't Like 'em. Don't trust 'em. Don't want to be 'em. ===Rat Traps [4.7]=== :'''Dil''': (talking about the robbers) Those guys could be mutant androids that spit acid out of their eyes! (everyone stares at Dil blankly) That's it. No more PG-13 movies movie for me. I'm going back to epic romances. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': Why is it that the guys with the glasses and the swollen adenoids always get picked on? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Brilliant idea, Phil. Suggesting that movie. :'''Phil''': Since when do you listen to me? I'm a moron. Plus, Angelica's the one who made us come back in here. <hr width="50%"/> :(While Susie and Angelica are counting money for charity) :'''Susie''': Thirteen dollars, fifty-seven cents. How'd you do? :'''Angelica''': (counting) Ten, eleven...six hundred forty-three dollars and one certified check. :'''Susie''': How'd you do that?! :'''Angelica''': It's nothin'! You should've seen me on my magazine drive. I had a nun in tears! ==Season 5== ===Susie Goes Bad Lite=== :"Tommy": Fine I'll Show You ===Golden Boy=== :"Tommy": Gotcha? ===Trading Places=== :"Chuckie": These Two Brothers ===TP+KF=== :'''Tommy''': That has nothing to do with me liking Kimi! ===Super Hero Worship=== :"Harold": Just As Well I Was Getting Nosy Smelling My Own Breath ===What's Love Got to Do with It?=== (Angelica whines.) :'''Susie''': You didn't really think he was gonna go for you, did you? :'''Angelica''': (Sobbing) No, and that's the worst part, liking someone so much and knowing, they'll never feel the same way about you! :'''Susie''': Gee I wonder why? :'''Angelica''': (still Sobbing) I know, how pathetic is that?! (Sobs, bangs on the clock and screams) ===All Broke Up=== :'''Dil''': I never wanted it to end this way. I love you like an... aunt, but you crossed the line, and then you stomped on it, lit it on fire, and danced on its ashes! :'''Charlotte''': I know. That's why I'm so good at what I do. We could've had it all, you and I. Still, I have you to thank for getting me off my butt and bank into the game! ''[hugs Dil]'' I'll never forget you, little man. :'''Dil''': And I'll never forget you, big woman. [Phone Ringing} You'll Be Hearing from my lawyers ===Petition This=== :'''Susie''': I've done worse than undermine democracy. I've help bust up a family. :'''Angelica''': You've done worse, and that was one hammy reading you just gave :'''Susie''': This is our fault, we have to fix this. :'''Angelica''': No way. I don't get involved in family business :'''Susie''': Since when, and even you know that their own children have to be there :'''Angelica''': Especially if I could get blamed for them not showing :'''Susie''': Your parents could punish you by taking away your cell phone. ===Brothers Grimm=== :'''Tommy''': (to Lil) How much gum are you chewing? :'''Phil''': (to Tommy) Like ten sticks of it, anytime someone just mentions TV, boops, another stick goes in, it's like she's addicted or something :'''Lil''': (Blows and pops a big pink bubble) I am not addicted I can quit anytime! (Phil takes away the gum) I am ''this'' close to being an only child! ===Bad Blood=== :"Grandpa": I Scrub and Scrub But I Ever Feel Clean ==Characters== :[[w:Tommy Pickles|Tommy]] - Voiced by [[w:Elizabeth Daily|E.G. Daily]] :[[w:Chuckie Finster|Chuckie]] - Voiced by [[w:Nancy Cartwright|Nancy Cartwright]] (2003-2008) :Phil and Lil (Tommy's best friend and Chuckie's girlfriend) - Voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] :[[w:Angelica Pickles|Angelica]] (Tommy's cousin) - Voiced by [[w:Cheryl Chase|Cheryl Chase]]. :[[w:Dil Pickles|Dil Pickles]] (Tommy's little brother) - Voiced by [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] :[[w:Susie Carmichael|Susie]] (Phil's girlfriend) - Voiced by [[w:Cree Summer|Cree Summer]] :[[w:Kimi Watanabe|Kimi]] (Tommy's girlfriend) - Voiced by [[w:Dionne Quan|Dionne Quan]] :[[w:Harold Frumkin|Harold]] - Voiced by Pat Mussick. Angelica's boyfriend. :Nicole - Voiced by Lizzy Murray in season 1 (2003-2004). Chuckie's former best friend. :Edith - Voiced by Pat Musick. Chuckie's former best friend. :Rachel (Tommy's former best friend) (who's friends with Thomanita (who was voiced by Christina Pucelli) - Voiced by Meagan Smith (2005)/Denise Pickering (2007-2008), latest appeared in "All Broke Up" as a former sidekick for Tommy ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:American sequel TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Teen animated TV shows]] [[Category:Middle school TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Nicktoons]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]] du2mzwyz19i23eoxfu8f72hu5e4o8c2 3949220 3949219 2026-06-05T14:13:03Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949220 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:All Grown Up!|All Grown Up!]]''''' (2003–2008) is an [[w:animated television series|animated television series]] based on characters from [[Rugrats]], as older characters facing pre-teens, and teens issues. It premiered as a preview before starting its regular run in America, early March. The show is based on the Rugrats' 10th anniversary episode and television movie ''[[All Growed Up]]'', and the sequel to ''[[Rugrats]]'', which proved popular enough that [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] decided to commission a whole series. The show was aimed at preteens, and teens, and from ages 10 to 14. == Pilot == {{Main|All Growed Up}} == Season 1 == === Coup DeVille=== :'''Dil''' [while sniffing a shoe]: Weirdorama. It's corinthian leather. But it smells like egg salad. :'''Phil''': That is so immature! (sniffs the shoe) Cat butt, duh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn''': Finster, what are you doing? :'''Chuckie''': Drowning, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': Thanks, I'll pay you back. As soon as that no-allowance-for-a-month thing is over. How was I suppose to know Kimi's great aunt was in that vase? They should label that stuff. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': This test is stupid and humiliating! I can't even do the simplest rope climb! :'''Tommy''': Chuckie, you made it almost to the top. :'''Chuckie''': Only 'cause Pangborn pushed me halfway up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Beaker''': Morning. Sit down, find your chairs this time. Now, ignore my mumbling as I write on the board. Enjoy my back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Why are we partners on every project? It's always Phil and Lil this, Phil and Lil that, Newsflash, We're not two heads on one body! We are just two separate people who happen to live in the same house. He's Phil and I'm Lil. Two names, separated by the word "and." I am a thinking, breathing, independent individual and he's... Phil. From now on, think about me without Phil. Okay? ''[pause]'' '''OKAY?!?''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Twins this, twins that. It's always Phil and Lil! It ain't no even Lil and Phil! There's too much "we"; not enough "me"! I ain't wearing anything to that place because I ain't no going! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': I was exercising my right to say no to the President and his stupid test! I made a stand by refusing to show up! :'''Tommy''': Chuckie Finster skipped a class? :'''Chuckie''': Actually, I was hanging out in the nurse's office. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': I've been humiliated year after year, and now my suffering's over! Today I am taking a stand for coordinately-challenged kids everywhere! :'''Tommy''': And tomorrow? :'''Chuckie''': Tommy, don't ruin my moment! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Betty''': Jeez! This is awful. :'''Howard''': I know, we either have to have another set of twins or actually pay for a vacation. :'''Betty''': No, Howie, we have a bigger problem than a lost vacation. Our little Lil is unhappy. :'''Howard''': Right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Betty''': Calm down, Philly. Lil gets her own room, but think about it, so do you, and the computer stays here. And you finally have room for that basketball hoop you've always wanted, and you can paint the place any color you like, except tangerine 'cause it makes your father wig out. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Leslie''': All the right kids are here. :'''Diane''': Yeah. No lame-brains or dorks. Oh, by the way, where is your brother tonight? :'''Lil''': Not here! :'''Diane''': He really is a boob, isn't he? :'''Leslie''': My vote is for immature slob. :'''Brett''': Are you talking about Phil? He's like totally obnoxious in class. :'''Lil''': Not all the time. :'''Diane''': Not to mention gross and smelly. :'''Leslie''': This is fun! And he's really goofy looking, too. :'''Lil''': Not like I'm standing up for him or anything, but it's sometimes fun to be gross. And you know, Phil and I are twins, so if you think he's goofy looking, then I guess you think I am, too. :'''Diane:''' No. :'''Leslie:''' No way. :'''Brett:''' We weren't sayin' that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Diane:''' It's not like you don't know all this right? Phil is kind of a jerk. :'''Lil''': Hey! I can call him a jerk or a slob, but you guys can't. You don't even know him! He can actually be cool sometimes, and fun, and funny, and loyal. <hr width="50%"/> === Susie Sings the Blues=== :'''Tommy''' [to Chuckie]: Come on Chuck, how long does it take to copy your butt? :'''Chuckie''': I wasn't sure if I was letter or legal sized. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': See, I'm vanilla, Crustless Vanilla Finster, I was gonna get the chocolate mango swirl bar, but no, I chickened out at the last minute. :'''Tommy''': Actually, Chuckie, you chickened out at the first minute. But hey, be tight with that. :'''Chuckie''': But I want to be tight with a different Chuckie. The Chuck. A Chuck who takes risk, a Chuck who flirts with danger! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': Everybody's a critic. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Susie''': Do you still have that cute top… :'''Alisa''': Don't push your luck, girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''' [singing on the stage]: One, two, three, four! Can't help it boy, my heart's got call-waiting. Don't want you to be the only one I'm dating. Oops, got to put you on hold. Oops, got to put you on hold. And when our cars, went bump, bump baby. My heart went thump, thump, baby! (Harold plays on a red electric guitar and Dil and Phil and Lil dance and backup sing on the stage) (Other kids, tweens and teens boo at Angelica, Chuckie screams at Tommy and Angelica screams and falls off of the stage) <hr width="50%"/> :'''Susie''' [singing on the stage]: I was feeling real shattered, but my dreams they still matter. So if you think I'm going, baby, you're wrong. I'm so strong 'Cause there's no getting rid of this dream. How can I tell you what I mean? Sure, I took the wrong path, but then I did some new math. 'Cause there's no getting rid of this dream. How can I tell you what I mean? (Phil and Lil, Dil and Harold dance and Phil and Lil and Dil backup sing on the stage and Kimi dances off of the stage) <hr width="50%"/> === Bad Kimi=== :'''Angelica''': Well, it takes a very special kind person to be an advice giver. You have to be soft on the inside, but tough on the outside. Like left over lasagna. Ask yourself, Harold, are you left over lasagna? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Wow, isn't Z totally rockstar? :'''Chas''': Does that mean hoodlum? :'''Kimi''': Dad! What happened to your whole "don't judge a book by its cover" speech?! :'''Chas''': Well, it's different now because the book is hanging around with my daughter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chas''': So, Z, is that short for anything? Zack? Zebediah? Zeus? :'''Z''': No, it's just Z. :'''Chas''': Oh. So, how do you spell it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': (explaining why Z had the electronics) It'd blow his image. I mean, getting excused from class to do charity work? :'''Chuckie''': Excused?! I got detention! <hr width="50%"/> :[Police sirens are heard in the background] :'''Police''': Stop hugging them (Z and his Father), put your hands up! :'''Kimi''' [to Chuckie]: You didn't! :'''Chuckie''': No... Uh, Phil did... but only because he cares..... like us! <hr width="50%"/> === Truth or Consequences=== :(The twins see Dil walk down the hall on his hands) :'''Phil''': I wonder what Dil would be like if we never dropped him on his head. :(Lil shrugs) <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn (to Dil)''': I've been observing you, Pickles, and I must say I find your behavior disturbing. :'''Dil''': Tell me more. :'''Pangborn''': This past week I've noticed you eating exclusively green foods, hopping to class on one foot, and wearing your clothes inside out. What does that tell you, son? :'''Dil''': That you have a lot of free time on your hands? :'''Pangborn''': (growls) This is a standard psychological Rorschach test: I show you an inkblot; you tell me what you see. (Holds up an inkblot) :'''Dil''': A Rorschach test. :Pangborn: (growls) Now, what do you see? (Holds up another inkblot) :'''Dil''': Uh, a medieval castle, hundreds of angry villagers, a raging moat, a fire-breathing dragon, and a honey-baked ham. :(Pangborn bangs his head against his desk repeatedly) <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn (to Dil)''': Let's try a word-association experiment: I'll say a word; you respond with the first thing that comes to mind. Hot. :'''Dil''': Hot. :'''Pangborn''': Cold. :'''Dil''': Cold. :'''Pangborn''': Stop it. :'''Dil''': Stop it. :'''Pangborn''': You're supposed to give me a new word, not the same one I gave you! :'''Dil''': You asked me to say the first word that came to mind. And when you say "hot," the first word I think of is, well... "hot." :'''Pangborn''': (growls) Get out! No session tomorrow. Instead, I want to see the people responsible for your existence. (rips his suit at the back) :'''Dil''': (tries to open the door) It's stuck. :'''Pangborn''': (kicks the door down) Now it's not. === Thief Encounter=== :'''Tommy''': (to the police) He (Dil) is innocent! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': I was sleepwalking, you seriously think I'd go out in public like this?! :'''Policeman''': If I had a dime for every Joe who blamed his crime on sleepwalking, I'd be a rich man. Well, maybe not rich, but I'd own a boat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': (about Bernadette) I want to return it. :'''Susie''': Return what? :'''Angelica''': It. :'''Susie''': She's not a shirt, Angelica. She's a human being. :'''Angelica''': That's up for debate. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (about Dil) Did he admit it? :'''Tommy''': Nope, he pushed the "I'm innocent" act. I'll have to stay up all night and catch him. :'''Chuckie''': How do you expect to pull an all-nighter when you can't even stay awake during the least boring school activity? :'''Tommy''': What's that? :'''Chuckie''': Lunch, that thing you're wearing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil''': I didn't do nothin', I swear. :'''Betty''': Okay, I'll bite. If you didn't take those things, then who did? :'''Dil''': (looks at Tommy) I'm taking the Fifth. :'''Betty''': (to Chaz) Figures, he already took everything else. === River Rats=== :'''Chaz''': Dip, pull, then repeat. Plant your feet and keep your seat! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil (to Tommy)''': Dip, Pull, eat red meant, plant some corn and peas and wheat! (laughs) === It's Cupid, Stupid=== :'''Kimi''': Is it me, or is it kinda pathetic? :'''Susie''': I've seen worse… oh wait, that was Angelica, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie (to Kimi)''': I just wanted to let you know that the same thing that is going on between you, Z, and Susie is going on between me, Tommy, and Nicole, so I know how you feel. :'''Kimi''': Oh, really? You suddenly realized you have a crush on Z and your best friend is a backstabber? :'''Chuckie''': Not exactly. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': I heard Tommy say he was hoping Nicole would turn you down! :'''Chuckie''': But Tommy would never say that! :'''Kimi''': That's what I thought about Susie! === Brother, Can You Spare the Time?=== :'''Tommy''': (to Chuckie; out of breath) Do you know what it's like to be chased by crazy, lovesick girls?! One of 'em wanted my sock! :'''Chuckie''': No and ew. <hr width="50%"/> Lyrics to "Tommy's Tomorrow" :'''Susie''': What's the haps, for Tommy's tomorrow? We know our boy's round the corner from fame. So listen up all you sisters and brothers. To us, T. Pickles will still be the same. What's the haps, for Tommy's tomorrow? We know our boy's round the corner from fame. So listen up all you sisters and brothers. To us, T. Pickles will still be the same. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': (to Dil): And who said you won't be famous, too? :'''Dil''': Three words: Lars Christian Anderson. :'''Tommy''': Who's that? :'''Dil''': Exactly. === The Old & the Restless=== :'''Tommy''': (to Sean): My Grandpa may do some embarrassing stuff sometimes, but he's still my grandpa. So shut your pie hole! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Beaker''': And that's what makes the appendix one of the most impressive, yet utterly useless organs. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': We're catching up fast. :'''Phil''': Yeah, but it'd be nice if we could at least stop and smell the mucus. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi''': Dil, your steamed spinach on a bed of chilled spinach is getting cold and warm! === Tweenage Tycoons=== === Tommy Foolery=== :'''Sean''': Romeo didn't like mean girls. And neither do I. Me and Romeo don't like the meanies. :'''Susie''': (to Angelica) Guess that counts you out! :'''Angelica''': What do you mean? :'''Susie''': What do you mean what do I mean? I mean you're mean! So, adios to any chance with Sean! :'''Angelica''': I happen to be very nice. :'''Harold''': (dreamily) I think so, too. :'''Angelica''': Who asked ya? === Interview with a Campfire === ====Part 1==== :'''Chuckie''': (gets forced to hold the rope and pushed by Kimi) BLEEEEEAAAAAAAAAGH! ====Part 2==== :'''Dil''': ''(sees Bean in an old picture)'' No way. :'''Tommy''': What is it, Dil? What's wrong? :'''Dil''': It's the picture of the Everwood Settlers. :'''Tommy''': So? :'''Dil''': Back row, 3rd guy from the left. :'''Tommy''': It's Bean! :'''Phil''': Bean's a ghost? :'''Tommy, Dil, Chuckie, Phil, Lil, Stu, Charlotte and Howard''': ''(scream in fear)'' :'''Charlotte''': Wasn't he... with you? ''(they notice he has vanished)'' :'''Lil''': He's gone! :'''Dil''': Now that the mystery's solved, the brain sucking Pioneers can finally rest in peace. :'''Howard''': Great! Now let's get outta here! :'''Chuckie''': Follow the buddies! <hr width="50%"/> ''(suddenly appears on Tommy's footage)'' :'''Bean''':''(Eyes glowing)'' An't Got No Brain Or Nothing! '' == Season 2 == ===Bad Apititude === :'''Dil''': Sorry I'm late, but I have exciting news. I just motivated a withering rose to bloom, yeah! It took a few hours and some sunlight and some water, but I did it. And I came up with a great motivational slogan: "Don't Get Down, Get Up" <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': I'm going to be a botanist. :'''Lil''': Do you even know what that is? :'''Phil''': No, but their booth has funnel cake. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Kimi, did you see the school paper? People wrote in reviewing your reviews. :'''Kimi''': Pretentious, boring. Forget it, everyone's a critic. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Dil, what are you?! :'''Dil''': Tommy, you've got to break away, you're turning Blek-anise, I really think so, and that's not who u are, you're a filmmaker, not a bleckie! : ----  :'''Kimi''': Well it was a little commercial. :'''Everyone (to Kimi)''': It was a commercial! ===Fools Rush In === :'''Tommy''': Dil, this isn't a game! Okay, this is a game. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': (to Francine) Either I'm facing a new friend or certain death! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': I'm on in less than half an hour. Be honest, do I look okay? :'''Kimi''': Uh, you're the new PA announcer, as in, no one's going to see you! :'''Lil''': Oh, yeah, so, do I look okay? ===Memoirs of a Finster === :'''Chuckie''': Kimi, what did you find out? :'''Kimi''': I'm Japanese! :'''Chuckie''': You're just figuring that out? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Max has to be the coolest teacher ever! This assignment actually sounds fun. :'''Chuckie''': I'll do your research since you're spending Saturday teaching me how to ice skate for Nicole's party. :'''Kimi''': Don't worry about it, Chucko. This project's going to be cake. Two Finsters, one family tree equals half the work. :'''Chuckie''': I like the way you think, Kimmo. :'''Kimi''': Don't do that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': (to Tommy and Dil) Call me crazy, but that kid looks kind of familiar! :'''Tommy''': Maybe 'cause he sits next to you in every single one of your classes now, he's new! :'''Dil''': Or 'cause he's rolled by 26 times in the past 10 minutes?! Twenty-seven! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': See? Friends are like holidays: you can never have enough of them. :'''Dil''': Deep. You make that up? :'''Chuckie''': Nope. I got it off a greeting card. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': You're not a real Finster? :'''Lying Kimi''': No, not technically. :'''Chuckie''': Right. 'Cause a real Finster would have taught her brother how to skate, so he won't spend an entire party on his butt risking frostbite, or death by... A SCARY BIG ICE MACHINE! ===Miss Nose it All === :'''Angelica''': Hold the elevator. (trips and falls) My ankle! My nose! MY PARTY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Are Lil and I the only ones who actually want to make a tranquility garden? :'''Phil''': What? I'm not a plant person; I'm a people person. :'''Lil''': Guess again. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': The grass is blue. :'''Doctor''': Excuse Me? :'''Angelica''': The couch is on vacation. :'''Susie''': Is that the crazy talk? :'''Angelica''': The pillows are hungry. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harold (to Angelica)''': You have a cast on your nose! :'''Angelica''': Good work, Columbo. ===Runaround Susie === :'''Susie''': (to Randy): What do you call those things before CDs? :'''Randy''': Records. :'''Susie''': Yeah. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': Either tell on me or let it die, but end the torment! :'''Lil''': Maybe for the "your red sock in my white wash incident," but this. Spray-painting your skateboard and accidentally ruining mom's... :'''Phil''': Don't say it! :'''Lil''': Ok, her... you know what. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': It cannot be released in the air, because once it's said, I'm dead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Three words, Phillip: You! Know! WHAT! :'''Phil''': Here's my three words, Lillian: You! Signed! THIS! (holds up the contract) :'''Lil''': I! DON'T! CARE! :'''Phil''': YOU! CAN'T! DO! Uh... THAT! :'''Lil''': You dump Geoffrey or I tell Mom! That was the deal! :'''Phil''': Then go ahead and tell, 'cause I'm not doing your dirty work, especially now that Geoffrey and I are... tight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Ho-ho, cheer up, Geoffrey, here's someone you know/like better, my brother, Phil? :'''Phil''': (Putting His Fingers at Geoffrey) Yo, Geoffrey, you wanna shoot and put through our noses? :'''Geoffrey''': Augh, he's gross! Bye, Lil. :'''Lil''': Bye, Geoffrey. :'''Phil''': (to Lil) I'm gross?! I'm GROSS?! ME?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chas''': Wow, renewing your wedding vows. Oh, how romantic, Betty? :'''Betty''': Romantic my caboose. It's just time for a new set of rules. You know, like "love, honor, and wear a snore guard." Heh. :'''Chas''': Ah. So, did you buy a new wedding gown? :'''Betty''': Are you nuts? I just let the old one out a little. (Pause) Okay, a lot. === ''Saving Cynthia'' === :'''Tommy:''' We were solving a science question! Uh, we found out that p-pudding travels three times farther when shot out of a straw in your nose than uh, straw in your mouth! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn:''' Now, where was I? :'''Tommy:''' ''(imitating Pangborn's voice)'' Look Pickles, I'll let it slide this time. :'''Pangborn:''' Nice try. I&mdash; ''(device beeps, Pangborn tries to turn it off)'' :'''Chuckie:''' Sir, is that one of those overhyped, overpriced, cutting edge digital organizers? :'''Pangborn:''' No, it's an overhyped, overpriced, cutting edge digital organizer that saved my life! True, I was a little worried about compressing my entire existence into something the size of a waffle. My effiency variable has increased by 43%. :'''Chuckie:''' I guess that's important, huh? :'''Pangborn:''' Important! Not only is all my personal information at my fingertips, but it tells me what kind of coffee to order, what to wear, when to go to the dentist! :'''Tommy:''' Huh. Sounds like you just need my mom. :'''Pangborn:''' ''And'' it'll tell me what kind of punishment you deserve! :''[Tommy and Chuckie gasp.]'' :'''Pangborn:''' I put the misuse of pudding, then Pickles and Finster, hit this little button here, and...voila! ''(digital organizer beeps and presents punishment)'' You must water my plants for a week? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi:''' Oh, yes! I remember reading about that in ''Beyond Lipshitz''. Parents should hold family hours to encourage a sincere and sharing dialogue with their children. :'''Chaz:''' That's great, Didi! I'll think I'll start our very own family hour tonight. Really get Chuckie to...talk back! :'''Betty:''' If I want to know what my pups are up to, I just eavesdrop on their conversations. :'''Chaz:''' But Betty that's so, uh... ''(searches for a word in ''How to Talk to Your Kids So They'll Talk Back'')'' invasive! :'''Betty:''' ''Only'' if they catch you at it, Chazzie! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica:''' Cynthia! CYNTHIA! :'''Harold:''' Who? :'''Angelica:''' You don't know her, old friend. :'''Harold:''' Who you keep stuffed in a chest? Gee, I'm luckier than I thought! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica:''' Im''pressive'' how you figured out where Cynthia is, Susie! :'''Susie:''' ''(says sarcastically)'' Yeah, it took a brainiac like me to ask the clerk at the thrift shop who bought it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Susie:''' Just be honest! Nothing wins people over like a warm smile, sincerity, and... ''(pauses at Angelica's glare)'' Maybe I'd better do it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': Okay, so it's not like I haven't noticed how maybe sometimes, every now and then, I may get on people's nerves, but never Cynthia's! :'''Harold''': But Cynthia's a doll, so technically, she doesn't have nerves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn:''' By accidentally erasing my digital organizer, they've given me back my life! Pangborn is reborn! ''(laughs)'' I even picked out my socks this morning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chaz:''' Who's Elmira? :'''Pangborn:''' ''(pets his hanging plant)'' Her leafy tendrils brush my... ''(meanwhile, Stu, Didi, and Chaz usher Tommy and Chuckie out of Pangborn's office)'' === ''The Science Pair'' === :'''Kimi:''' Would you listen to those guys? :'''Lil:''' ''(laughs)'' Yeah. We can win this Space Race on pure girls-are-obviously-smarter-than-boys power. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' I call it the Socks-o-matic. Got the idea from Chuckie. Automatically sorts socks by color and texture so no one has to suffer a fashion tragedy again. ''(Chuckie lifts his pants to reveal mismatched socks)'' :'''Chuckie:''' Hey, who're you calling a tragedy? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Puke-o-rama! This milk is bad as bad gets. :'''Chuckie:''' Worse even! :'''Phil:''' Uh, guys, ''that's'' your milk. You're drinkin' my science project. I'm growing different bacteria to see which has the reekage quotient. :''[Tommy and Chuckie drop their milk in disgust.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil:''' ''(squeals)'' That boy on my arm would be the ultimate fashion statement! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu:''' Anyone see Dil? :'''Didi:''' He's been staying late at school for science club. :'''Tommy:''' Dil's not in science club! :'''Didi:''' No, but he's the subject of three different experiments. :'''Stu and Tommy:''' Oh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu:''' Hey champ, these are nice springs. Where you'd get them? :'''Tommy:''' Uh...borrowed 'em. ''(hurries out of the kitchen)'' Let's go! :''[Didi opens the dishwasher, which crashes to the floor. Tommy winces, and Didi taps her foot, frowning at him. Tommy smiles sheepishly.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' The Socks-o-matic sorted correctly almost 98.4% of the time. But...I still can't understand why it doesn't work on Dil's socks. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Heard of player pianos? We're making a whole player band <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu:''' I promised your mom we wouldn't stay up too late. :'''Tommy:''' Uh, dad? That was three nights ago. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Mom has one. :'''Stu:''' You mean the good silver one she guards like Fort Knox treasure? :'''Tommy:''' Yeah, that one. :'''Stu:''' We couldn't, could we?! :'''Tommy''': Project's on permahold otherwise... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi:''' I've got to admit &mdash; Nicholas hanging on your arm ''does'' make a statement! :'''Lil:''' ''(fake smiles and has a monster voice)'' Yeah, it says...I'M HANGING WITH A BLITHERING IDIOT! :'''Kimi:''' Huh? :'''Lil:''' I've decided to drop the spitball project. Instead, I'm doing a case study on Nicholas entitled: ''The Mind of the Mindless''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' I know what you mean. My dad still hasn't gotten over the day I told him I could button my own shirt. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Beaker:''' ''(speaking to Tommy about his project)'' If any kid had entered a masterpiece like this, I would've suspected foul play. ===Izzy or Isn't He? === :'''Chuckie''': As long as I have your attention, I'd like to bring something to your attention. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': Uh, a little advice, Dil, having an imaginary friend after a certain age is something one should keep to one's self. :'''Dil''': I'm down with that, Safety Boy. I put the "imaginary friend" thing to bed when I was eight. Izzy's my imaginary alien friend. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': What? Lil's breath smells like feet? Izzy, that's harsh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil (to Chuckie)''': You're running for what?! :'''Chuckie''': Safety commissioner. :'''Lil''': And why are you doing this? :'''Chuckie''': (trying to open his locker) My whole life, safety has been like a loony uncle locked away in the attic. It's time I took off the shackles and let him into the good part of the house! I've got pretty good odds, too. The only other candidate is Amelia somebody. She is so quiet, no one knows who she is. (opens the locker door and hits Phil and Lil with it) See, this is just the thing that could easily have been avoided. (Slams locker door on Tommy's thumb) :'''Tommy''': Somebody get a crowbar and some butter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (to everyone else) (about Izzy) IT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST! :Everyone Else: BOO (2 times), (throws everything at Chuckie)! ===Project Chuckie === :'''Angelica''': Chuckie, I have observed your tragic social skills, but because we've been friends since childhood, I want to make a difference in your life. I'm here to help. :'''Chuckie''': Oh, this can't be good. :'''Angelica''': Chuckie, you're, well... a gork. Those sad few beyond geek. :'''Chuckie''': Not helping yet. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Wait 'til yo hear your parts, guys. :'''Lil''': I love the theater: the lights, costumes, make-up, applause. :'''Phil touching Tommy''': Good. Now, how do you feel about a skit in a history assembly? :'''Lil''': Hmm... yeah. Well, it is extra credit. :'''Kimi''': I don't know. History is so passé. :'''Tommy''': Not my version. These guys were cool, real rebels, the original American bad boys. It's going to rock; and I picked you guys over everyone. :'''Phil touching Tommy''': No one else wanted to do it, right? :'''Tommy''': That, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': (about her part in the play) Who am I?! :'''Tommy''': Are you ready? Kimi, Lil, you're... "the people"! :'''Kimi & Lil''': "The people"?! :'''Tommy''': Yeah! They're, uh... important. :'''Phil''': You know what, "by the people, for the people". .<hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': (rapping/singing) :'''Lil''': (after rehearsing the play) Cut! Thomas, were "the people," by any chance, a chorus of idiots?! :'''Kimi''': We want better parts! :'''Tommy''': Sorry. :'''Lil and Kimi''': Hm! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': Just once, I'd like to know what it feels like to be genuinely popular. :'''Lil''': Huh! And what are we, deformed mutants? :'''Kimi''': Well, we are "the people." :'''Tommy''': Chuckie, we're popular. :'''Chuckie''': No, we're normal - except maybe Phil. :'''Phil''': Hey! (trips and makes Chuckie fall down.) === ''Fear of Falling'' === :''[Tommy gasps]'' :'''Phil:''' (to Tommy) What?! (to everyone else) Did you see somebody naked? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica:''' ''(reading aloud the activities she's signing up for)'' Seaweed wrap, spa, pedicure, paraffin dip... :'''Kimi:''' ''(reading aloud the activities she's signing up for)'' Kayaking, mountain biking, hot yoga... :'''Daniel (Instructor):''' I need one more victim for the tracker five hike. Anyone interested? :'''Angelica:''' As long as I'm signing... :'''Daniel:''' Make sure to you wear sturdy hiking boots, travel light &mdash; we'll hook up at 5 AM. :''[Daniel leaves.]'' :'''Angelica''': It spent thirteen years in the making, but I finally met the guy who's worthy of my first kiss. :'''Kimi:''' You might want to give him the heads up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Olivia''': It's okay. Hey you're the guy who was spying on me through the telescope. :'''Tommy:''' Spying is such a harsh word, I'd prefer to think of it as casual surveillance. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' Phil, can I ask you a personal question? :'''Phil:''' Okay, I didn't shower before I got in. But no one takes that rule seriously. :''[Lifeguard blows his whistle, Phil stands up and gets hosed down.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil:''' I don't know about her, but I do feel weird around Tommy when he's around Olivia. She's pretty nice though, and she didn't cry when I accidentally hit her in the head with a giant snowball. :'''Chuckie:''' That was an accident? :'''Phil:''' Okay, I was totally aiming for the head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' Where have you been all day? :'''Kimi:''' When Angelica bailed on her spa appointments, I felt so bad I volunteered to fill in. And you know what? It was the ''best'' day of my life! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' You know, Chuckie, it's great hanging out with somebody you totally gel with &mdash; who makes you laugh and cool. :'''Chuckie:''' Thanks, man! I feel the same way! :'''Tommy:''' You like Olivia too? :'''Chuckie:''' Oh. I thought you meant &mdash; never mind. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Olivia tried to kiss me yesterday! :'''Chuckie:''' She did? So, what did you do? :'''Tommy:''' Oh, what any mature man of the world would do: I smashed a snowball in her face! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' So, you think I'm ready for my first kiss? :'''Chuckie:''' One of us has to be! And I'm on hold until my braces come off. Let me know if you hear bells. Kimi says you do, but she might just be clowning on me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' I gotta go, I'm sorry I would love to stay for my second, third and if it's not pushing it fourth kiss, but I promised to meet Chuckie for phase three. :'''Olivia:''' Go on, get out of here. :'''Tommy:''' And for the record, I like you a lot better than snow. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' Why couldn't I have a phobia closer to the ground? Like spiders...or zippers! I could repell down...or stay here all night and risk becoming a Chucksicle! ''(watches as a rock plunges to the depths)'' Chucksicle it is! ''(hears wolves howling in the distance)'' On the second thought, I need the exercise. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' And in case I don't make it back alive, I-I need to know one thing: did you kiss her? :'''Tommy:''' Don't tell anybody, but...yeah, I kissed her, MY FIRST KISS! :'''Angelica:''' His first kiss?! I'm gonna kill him! : ----  :'''Kimi''': Wait a minute, if we're all here &mdash; who's guarding the mountain? :'''Phil:''' Nobody, we're not playing the game, we're hiding from Angelica. == Season 3 == ===The Finster Who Stole Christmas === :'''Tommy''': (while eating Chaz's gingerbread) This is some rockin' gingerbread! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': (to Kira) I'm proud of you for keeping your cool. :(Kira opens the cab door and a boy gets in) :'''Kira''': (angrily) I'VE WAITED THROUGH 3 STATES AND 2 CONTINENTS! (grabs the boy out of the cab) I'VE BEEN PATIENT THROUGH 4 TIME ZONES! THIS CAB IS MINE! IT'S MINE! MINE! === ''Blind Man's Bluff'' [3.1] === :'''Tommy''': Not to mention they finally re-opened Whiplash Gorge. :'''Phil''': After settling all these pesky lawsuits. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommmy:''' Good call, Chuckie. You have nothing to fear except fear itself. :'''Chuckie:''' That's what I'm afraid of. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu''': ''(to Didi)'' This isn't going to be easy. But don't worry, I can handle it. :''[Scence change with Tommy and Dil.]'' :'''Stu:''' Boys, I, uh... your mother wants to talk to you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi''': So, you two have to pick up Grandpa Boris from the optometrist. :'''Dil''': Nooooooooooooooooo! : <hr width="50%"/> :''[The next day, on the dock, Chuckie and Tommy ran in the boat]'' :'''Didi''': (bumps on a sticker bur) Ouch! :'''Chuckie''': What happened? :'''Stu:''' Didi bumped on a sticker bur on the dock. :''[Didi puts her hands on her hips and frowns at her husband.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': What is it, Chuck? :'''Chuckie''': Just reading the fine print. Specifically, that Slosh Mountain is not responsible for extreme bodily harm. :'''Phil''': Ah, you know lawyers. Always so worried about losing limbs. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': Ten bucks says I can throw up more times than anyone here. :'''Kimi''': You're on! :'''Lil''': Don't do it, Kimi. He has a wicked gag reflex. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Don't touch me! I can walk fine! You didn't dilate my legs, did you? :'''Doctor:''' Now, Mr. Krepotkin, the best thing is to rest your eyes while they're dilated like this. Maybe you should take a nice, long nap. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' ''(facing a lamp)'' You take a nap! I'm not blind! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil:''' You know, we could still go. :'''Tommy:''' How? :'''Dil:''' He can't see. We'll park him somewhere, and tell him he's at the...senior center. :'''Tommy:''' Dil, if mom and dad found out, we'd be toast! Actually, we'd be lucky to be toast. We'd be the bird stuff that we scrape off the toast. :'''Dil:''' Bro'! They won't find out. As soon as we're there, we'll hit Whiplash Gorge &mdash; in and out thirty minutes. :'''Tommy:''' Oh, I don't know. :'''Dil:''' Technically, they didn't say we couldn't go to Slosh Mountain. They said we had to pick up grandpa. Who says we can't do both? :'''Tommy:''' It would be a shame to waste the tickets. :'''Dil:''' Now you're talkin', T'! And just think of poor grandpa, stuck in that ''stuffy'' house all day with his broken eyes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil:''' Well, here we are, grandpa. Good ol' senior center. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Why did you bring me here? I ''hate'' this place! :'''Tommy:''' You ''love'' the senior center. All your friends are here! :'''Grandpa Boris:''' What friends?! Harry? All he talks about are his golf stones. Ira, that guy owes me ten bucks! Anyway, are you sure this is the senior center? It doesn't sound like it, ''(sniffs)'' or smell like it. :'''Tommy:''' Well, uh, that's because it's Deep-fried Chocolate Bar Tuesday! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil:''' This is it! Whiplash Gorge: the only ride in the world with its own hospital! :''[Lil, Chuckie, Phil, and Kimi watch as an ambulence pulls up carrying a man in his bathing suit with a bandaged head and a balloon.]'' :'''Phil:''' They're stuff of dreams. :'''Chuckie:''' Bad dreams. :'''Kimi:''' ''(looking at Whiplash Gorge)'' You'd have to be ''crazy'' to go on this thing. ''(changes tone from worry to excitement)'' Who's first?! :'''Kid on Whiplash Gorge:''' Heellppp meeeeeee! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Just you know, if we never find him, this is all on you! :'''Dil:''' I think we're looking at this the wrong way. Maybe grandpas are like ''chickens''! Some prefer the comfort and security of the hen-house, while others want to roam on the free range! :'''Tommy:''' ''(exasperated)'' Do you even believe ''half'' the stuff that comes out of your mouth? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil:''' How is it my fault? You listened to a guy wearing a bathing suit and a ski cap &mdash; how smart was ''that''? :'''Tommy:''' You &mdash; you used your hocus-pocus mind control junk on me! :'''Dil:''' I didn't do that! Besides, everyone knows it doesn't work around water. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': ''(on walkie-talkie)'' Team Leader Alpha to Team Leader Delta. Report. Over. :'''Lil''': This is Team Leader Delta. Over. :'''Kimi''': Lil, what happened to Phil? :'''Lil''': I relieved him of command. He was being an idiot. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Security chief:''' All right, you know why you're here. Don't steal, et cetera. Just watch this video about pool rules and you can go. :'''Tommy:''' ''(raises his hand)'' Sir, we can explain. :'''Security chief:''' Please don't. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Grandpa Boris cuts the line for Whiplash Gorge.]'' :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Oh, stuff it. I'm a senior citizen, I can do whatever I want. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' ''(to security guard)'' You're not sending me back until I've gone on Whiplash Gorge! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' ...It's just &mdash; well, when you're old, people don't let you have fun so much anymore. I guess I got a little carried away! :'''Tommy:''' You know, they don't always let you have fun as a kid either. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Um...maybe we keep this little adventure between us, heh? :'''Chuckie:''' Deal. :'''Dil:''' Now, ''that'' was mind control. :'''Tommy:''' Hmm, I thought it didn't work around water. :'''Dil:''' Oh, it does. :''[Tommy gives him a look]'' :'''Dil:''' What? I can't tell you everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Sorry I did an stage-dive in between your number, Suezzle. But an old guy's gotta do, what an old guy's gotta do. :'''Susie:''' Actually, the audience loved it ''so'' much, ''(Susie dances)'' we're booked for the next three weeks! You up for a repeat performance? :''[Susie and Grandpa Boris high-five each other.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi:''' Hey you guys, how was the optometrist? :'''Tommy:''' Oh, piece of cake! :'''Dil:''' In and out in thirty minutes. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' No big surprises. :'''Didi:''' Well, we have a surprise for you boys. We felt really awful about making you miss your trip, so... :'''Stu:''' ...We got you season passes to Slosh Mountain! :'''Tommy:''' For real?! :'''Dil:''' Whoah! :'''Didi:''' Look at you two, acting like responsible adults. I'm so proud. Tommy, Dil, how'd you boys get sunburned? And Dad, why do you smell like chlorine? === ''Yu-Gotta-Go'' [3.2] === :'''Phil''': I see something in your eyes, dude. Something I've never seen there before. :'''Chuckie''': I call it amptitude, my man. :'''Phil''': No, it's called eye crust. Don't you wash your face in the morning? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlotte''': You, young lady, are going to be responsible for cleaning the house for a whole week! Now, give me your phone! :'''Angelica''': My... phone? ''[hugs her mother's leg]'' Oh, please! Not the phone! What if it's an emergency?! Like I'm late for class and don't know what time it is?! :'''Charlotte''': Well, that's what a watch is for. A phone is for talking and taking digital pictures. ''[Angelica hands her her phone]'' It's about time you learned a little responsibility around here. Now, go get the pail, the mop and the detergent. :'''Angelica''': Where are they? :'''Charlotte''': I have no idea. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (while reading Angelica's diary) Tried stuffing bra. Too lop-sided. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Chuckie is thinking about selling his father's stamp album to buy more Yu-Gotta-Go cards]'' :'''Tommy''': You can't sell your stamp album! :'''Kimi''': ''[tries to take the album away]'' Yeah, Chuckie! Dad'll go ballistic! You know how veiny his head gets! :'''Chuckie''': I'm not selling the whole thing. I'll trade one teensy little stamp for one deck of cards! :'''Tommy''': If you do, you'll be sorry. Someday, you're gonna look in that mirror and you're not gonna like what you see. :'''Chuckie''': What else is new? Oh, you're right. I can't do it. :'''Tommy and Kimi''': ''[they both hi-five]'' Yes! :'''Chuckie''': ''[rushes out]'' NOW I CAN!! :'''Tommy and Kimi''': HEY! === ''The Curse of Reptar'' [3.3] === :'''Chuckie''': So there wasn't any curse of Reptar after all. Well, what do you know about that. Well, good night. :'''Tommy''': That's it? After scaring everyone half to death, that's it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': So, why'd you even come, Angelica? :'''Angelica''': Are you kidding? Don't you know it's always the gorgous girl with the naturally bouncy hair who stays behind in the house, and never makes it to the end of the movie? I'd be a goner. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil''': You still think we'll get the pool, T? 'Cause I was thinking of expanding my sanctuary and calling it "Habitat for Manitee." :'''Tommy''': Pool, yes. Marine mammals, no. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': We found our old Reptar toy in the backyard and tossed him out. Now, Chuckie thinks that Reptar's mad at us. :'''Angelica''': That is, like, the lamest thing I've ever heard. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu''': We're going to get you boys something every kid dreams of having. :'''Angelica''': A home in Aspen? :'''Dil''': A six week course in Portuguese? :'''Chuckie''': Respect? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': This puts me on Tommy's side, which is a first I'm not particularly proud of. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': You preteens are lucky your parents are smart enough to have someone my age around to figure these things out. :'''Phil''': You know, she's right. :'''Lil''': That may be the scariest thought all night. === ''It's Karma, Dude!'' [3.4] === :'''Susie''': Did she call me about the audition sign up? :'''Tommy''': Yeah, she did. I heard her. I don't want to get hurt here. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': (to Dil) How'd you do that? :'''Dil''': What? :'''Angelica''': The light-glow-warmth thing. === ''The Big Score'' [3.5] === :'''Betty''': How 'bout we squeeze in some "Lil time" tomorrow. After practice, we can have a girls night out. :'''Lil''': We're not shopping for bras, are we? :'''Betty''': That's your father's department. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Everything around here is always soccer, soccer, soccer. :'''Phil''': Dad, can you put on the Soccer Channel? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Football Coach''': (Blows whistle) You expect to be on junior-junior varsity with no upper-body strength?! (Blows whistle) :'''Angelica''': You're the coach! Why don't you show me how it's done?! Put your money where your big, fat mouth is! :'''Football Coach''': That's some squawk box you got on you, Pickles. Any chance you'd be interested in a student coaching position?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': That's it! Sports - it's a guy magnet. I just need a sport. :'''Susie''': You're forgetting one itsy-bitsy detail; you have no athletic ability what-so-ever. :'''Angelica''': Yeah, but that sure doesn't stop Phil. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn''': (To soccer team) And just because we've lost every single game... ever... doesn't mean that today we can't lose by a little bit less. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn''': (To soccer team) Time to work on penalty shots, people! (Softly) 'Cause heaven knows you need it. :'''Phil''': (to Tommy and Chuckie) Tell me the truth, answer me! :'''Chuckie''': Mom, Dad, I don't wanna answer him the question! :'''Phil''': Answer me, she (Wally)'s really good, ain't she?! :'''Tommy''': (to Phil) Yeah! === ''Rats Race'' [3.6] === :'''Angelica''': (About Harold) That skunk! All that hard work, and he's the one who gets to go to Paris, France. :'''Tommy''': You mean Paris, Texas? The finals are in Texas. :'''Angelica''': Texas? You mean I risked my life for a trip to America's dust bowl?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (Looking at soap box derby car diagram upside-down) Not a clue. :(Tommy flips it right-side up) :'''Chuckie''': Thanks, Tommy. Still no clue <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': This much money just to crash a car? :'''Chuckie''': I'm out. Or was I already out? I forget. === ''Wouldn't It Be Nice?'' [3.7] === :'''Angelica''': It's all about having your own personality. That's why I need to get a nose ring exactly like Emica's. === ''Dude, Where's My Horse?'' [3.8] === :'''Phil''': (Singing to everyone) Home, home on the range. Where the deer and the antelope play. Where seldom is heard a discouraging word. And the skies are not cloudy all day. (Stops singing and probably evil laughs probably at everyone, to Lil) Not bad, huh? :'''Lil''': I don't know you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Chuckie, I'm sorry I was kind of a jerk to you the other night. :'''Chuckie''': Nah, you weren't a jerk, just testy, but you seem like you're in a good mood now, did you finally lasso the wooden cow? :'''Tommy''': Nope, I finally accepted the fact that I'm the lamest cowboy on the planet, and I'm completely comfortable with it. :'''Chuckie''': I've always said the key to happiness is... lowered expectations. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Not everyone can expect to be a cowboy overnight. :(Chuckie begins playing harmonica) :'''Tommy''': When did you learn how to play the harmonica? :Chuckie: I play the harmonica? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': What are you looking at? :'''Little Red''': Uh... I - I never met a city girl before. How did you get your hair so shiny? :'''Angelica''': We bathe. <hr width="50%"/> :(On the bus, Angelica's kicking Tommy's seat) :'''Tommy''': Angelica? Do you have to keep kicking my seat? :'''Angelica''': No, I don't have to, but seeing as how you got us into this mess, it's my pleasure! === ''R.V. Having Fun Yet?'' [3.9] === :Kimi: Guess who I found digging through the trash? :Phil: ''(holds hands up)'' I was here all night. === ''Ladies' Man'' [3.11] === '''Insert quote here''' == Season 4 == ===Separate But Equal [4.3]=== :'''Phil''': (to Lil) This is all your fault, you know?! :'''Lil''': You're the one who wanted separate parties! ===Lost at Sea=== :'''Charlotte''': I gave everything to that company, this is how they repay me?! With a free stapler and a kick in the designer pants?! ''[blows her nose]'' ===O Bro, Where Art Thou? [4.6]=== :'''Chuckie''': Not Clowns. Anything but Clowns. Don't Like 'em. Don't trust 'em. Don't want to be 'em. ===Rat Traps [4.7]=== :'''Dil''': (talking about the robbers) Those guys could be mutant androids that spit acid out of their eyes! (everyone stares at Dil blankly) That's it. No more PG-13 movies movie for me. I'm going back to epic romances. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': Why is it that the guys with the glasses and the swollen adenoids always get picked on? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Brilliant idea, Phil. Suggesting that movie. :'''Phil''': Since when do you listen to me? I'm a moron. Plus, Angelica's the one who made us come back in here. <hr width="50%"/> :(While Susie and Angelica are counting money for charity) :'''Susie''': Thirteen dollars, fifty-seven cents. How'd you do? :'''Angelica''': (counting) Ten, eleven...six hundred forty-three dollars and one certified check. :'''Susie''': How'd you do that?! :'''Angelica''': It's nothin'! You should've seen me on my magazine drive. I had a nun in tears! ==Season 5== ===Susie Goes Bad Lite=== :"Tommy": Fine I'll Show You ===Golden Boy=== :"Tommy": Gotcha? ===Trading Places=== :"Chuckie": These Two Brothers ===TP+KF=== :'''Tommy''': That has nothing to do with me liking Kimi! ===Super Hero Worship=== :"Harold": Just As Well I Was Getting Nosy Smelling My Own Breath ===What's Love Got to Do with It?=== (Angelica whines.) :'''Susie''': You didn't really think he was gonna go for you, did you? :'''Angelica''': (Sobbing) No, and that's the worst part, liking someone so much and knowing, they'll never feel the same way about you! :'''Susie''': Gee I wonder why? :'''Angelica''': (still Sobbing) I know, how pathetic is that?! (Sobs, bangs on the clock and screams) ===All Broke Up=== :'''Dil''': I never wanted it to end this way. I love you like an... aunt, but you crossed the line, and then you stomped on it, lit it on fire, and danced on its ashes! :'''Charlotte''': I know. That's why I'm so good at what I do. We could've had it all, you and I. Still, I have you to thank for getting me off my butt and bank into the game! ''[hugs Dil]'' I'll never forget you, little man. :'''Dil''': And I'll never forget you, big woman. [Phone Ringing} You'll Be Hearing from my lawyers ===Petition This=== :'''Susie''': I've done worse than undermine democracy. I've help bust up a family. :'''Angelica''': You've done worse, and that was one hammy reading you just gave :'''Susie''': This is our fault, we have to fix this. :'''Angelica''': No way. I don't get involved in family business :'''Susie''': Since when, and even you know that their own children have to be there :'''Angelica''': Especially if I could get blamed for them not showing :'''Susie''': Your parents could punish you by taking away your cell phone. ===Brothers Grimm=== :'''Tommy''': (to Lil) How much gum are you chewing? :'''Phil''': (to Tommy) Like ten sticks of it, anytime someone just mentions TV, boops, another stick goes in, it's like she's addicted or something :'''Lil''': (Blows and pops a big pink bubble) I am not addicted I can quit anytime! (Phil takes away the gum) I am ''this'' close to being an only child! ===Bad Blood=== :"Grandpa": I Scrub and Scrub But I Ever Feel Clean ==Characters== :[[w:Tommy Pickles|Tommy]] - Voiced by [[w:Elizabeth Daily|E.G. Daily]] :[[w:Chuckie Finster|Chuckie]] - Voiced by [[w:Nancy Cartwright|Nancy Cartwright]] (2003-2008) :Phil and Lil (Tommy's best friend and Chuckie's girlfriend) - Voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] :[[w:Angelica Pickles|Angelica]] (Tommy's cousin) - Voiced by [[w:Cheryl Chase|Cheryl Chase]]. :[[w:Dil Pickles|Dil Pickles]] (Tommy's little brother) - Voiced by [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] :[[w:Susie Carmichael|Susie]] (Phil's girlfriend) - Voiced by [[w:Cree Summer|Cree Summer]] :[[w:Kimi Watanabe|Kimi]] (Tommy's girlfriend) - Voiced by [[w:Dionne Quan|Dionne Quan]] :[[w:Harold Frumkin|Harold]] - Voiced by Pat Mussick. Angelica's boyfriend. :Nicole - Voiced by Lizzy Murray in season 1 (2003-2004). Chuckie's former best friend. :Edith - Voiced by Pat Musick. Chuckie's former best friend. :Rachel (Tommy's former best friend) (who's friends with Thomanita (who was voiced by Christina Pucelli) - Voiced by Meagan Smith (2005)/Denise Pickering (2007-2008), latest appeared in "All Broke Up" as a former sidekick for Tommy ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:American sequel TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Teen animated TV shows]] [[Category:Middle school TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Nicktoons]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]] hxzwzay9q0r2vo9h1b6e42qnfe600c5 3949221 3949220 2026-06-05T14:14:37Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 /* Characters */ 3949221 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:All Grown Up!|All Grown Up!]]''''' (2003–2008) is an [[w:animated television series|animated television series]] based on characters from [[Rugrats]], as older characters facing pre-teens, and teens issues. It premiered as a preview before starting its regular run in America, early March. The show is based on the Rugrats' 10th anniversary episode and television movie ''[[All Growed Up]]'', and the sequel to ''[[Rugrats]]'', which proved popular enough that [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] decided to commission a whole series. The show was aimed at preteens, and teens, and from ages 10 to 14. == Pilot == {{Main|All Growed Up}} == Season 1 == === Coup DeVille=== :'''Dil''' [while sniffing a shoe]: Weirdorama. It's corinthian leather. But it smells like egg salad. :'''Phil''': That is so immature! (sniffs the shoe) Cat butt, duh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn''': Finster, what are you doing? :'''Chuckie''': Drowning, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': Thanks, I'll pay you back. As soon as that no-allowance-for-a-month thing is over. How was I suppose to know Kimi's great aunt was in that vase? They should label that stuff. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': This test is stupid and humiliating! I can't even do the simplest rope climb! :'''Tommy''': Chuckie, you made it almost to the top. :'''Chuckie''': Only 'cause Pangborn pushed me halfway up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Beaker''': Morning. Sit down, find your chairs this time. Now, ignore my mumbling as I write on the board. Enjoy my back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Why are we partners on every project? It's always Phil and Lil this, Phil and Lil that, Newsflash, We're not two heads on one body! We are just two separate people who happen to live in the same house. He's Phil and I'm Lil. Two names, separated by the word "and." I am a thinking, breathing, independent individual and he's... Phil. From now on, think about me without Phil. Okay? ''[pause]'' '''OKAY?!?''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Twins this, twins that. It's always Phil and Lil! It ain't no even Lil and Phil! There's too much "we"; not enough "me"! I ain't wearing anything to that place because I ain't no going! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': I was exercising my right to say no to the President and his stupid test! I made a stand by refusing to show up! :'''Tommy''': Chuckie Finster skipped a class? :'''Chuckie''': Actually, I was hanging out in the nurse's office. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': I've been humiliated year after year, and now my suffering's over! Today I am taking a stand for coordinately-challenged kids everywhere! :'''Tommy''': And tomorrow? :'''Chuckie''': Tommy, don't ruin my moment! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Betty''': Jeez! This is awful. :'''Howard''': I know, we either have to have another set of twins or actually pay for a vacation. :'''Betty''': No, Howie, we have a bigger problem than a lost vacation. Our little Lil is unhappy. :'''Howard''': Right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Betty''': Calm down, Philly. Lil gets her own room, but think about it, so do you, and the computer stays here. And you finally have room for that basketball hoop you've always wanted, and you can paint the place any color you like, except tangerine 'cause it makes your father wig out. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Leslie''': All the right kids are here. :'''Diane''': Yeah. No lame-brains or dorks. Oh, by the way, where is your brother tonight? :'''Lil''': Not here! :'''Diane''': He really is a boob, isn't he? :'''Leslie''': My vote is for immature slob. :'''Brett''': Are you talking about Phil? He's like totally obnoxious in class. :'''Lil''': Not all the time. :'''Diane''': Not to mention gross and smelly. :'''Leslie''': This is fun! And he's really goofy looking, too. :'''Lil''': Not like I'm standing up for him or anything, but it's sometimes fun to be gross. And you know, Phil and I are twins, so if you think he's goofy looking, then I guess you think I am, too. :'''Diane:''' No. :'''Leslie:''' No way. :'''Brett:''' We weren't sayin' that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Diane:''' It's not like you don't know all this right? Phil is kind of a jerk. :'''Lil''': Hey! I can call him a jerk or a slob, but you guys can't. You don't even know him! He can actually be cool sometimes, and fun, and funny, and loyal. <hr width="50%"/> === Susie Sings the Blues=== :'''Tommy''' [to Chuckie]: Come on Chuck, how long does it take to copy your butt? :'''Chuckie''': I wasn't sure if I was letter or legal sized. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': See, I'm vanilla, Crustless Vanilla Finster, I was gonna get the chocolate mango swirl bar, but no, I chickened out at the last minute. :'''Tommy''': Actually, Chuckie, you chickened out at the first minute. But hey, be tight with that. :'''Chuckie''': But I want to be tight with a different Chuckie. The Chuck. A Chuck who takes risk, a Chuck who flirts with danger! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': Everybody's a critic. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Susie''': Do you still have that cute top… :'''Alisa''': Don't push your luck, girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''' [singing on the stage]: One, two, three, four! Can't help it boy, my heart's got call-waiting. Don't want you to be the only one I'm dating. Oops, got to put you on hold. Oops, got to put you on hold. And when our cars, went bump, bump baby. My heart went thump, thump, baby! (Harold plays on a red electric guitar and Dil and Phil and Lil dance and backup sing on the stage) (Other kids, tweens and teens boo at Angelica, Chuckie screams at Tommy and Angelica screams and falls off of the stage) <hr width="50%"/> :'''Susie''' [singing on the stage]: I was feeling real shattered, but my dreams they still matter. So if you think I'm going, baby, you're wrong. I'm so strong 'Cause there's no getting rid of this dream. How can I tell you what I mean? Sure, I took the wrong path, but then I did some new math. 'Cause there's no getting rid of this dream. How can I tell you what I mean? (Phil and Lil, Dil and Harold dance and Phil and Lil and Dil backup sing on the stage and Kimi dances off of the stage) <hr width="50%"/> === Bad Kimi=== :'''Angelica''': Well, it takes a very special kind person to be an advice giver. You have to be soft on the inside, but tough on the outside. Like left over lasagna. Ask yourself, Harold, are you left over lasagna? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Wow, isn't Z totally rockstar? :'''Chas''': Does that mean hoodlum? :'''Kimi''': Dad! What happened to your whole "don't judge a book by its cover" speech?! :'''Chas''': Well, it's different now because the book is hanging around with my daughter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chas''': So, Z, is that short for anything? Zack? Zebediah? Zeus? :'''Z''': No, it's just Z. :'''Chas''': Oh. So, how do you spell it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': (explaining why Z had the electronics) It'd blow his image. I mean, getting excused from class to do charity work? :'''Chuckie''': Excused?! I got detention! <hr width="50%"/> :[Police sirens are heard in the background] :'''Police''': Stop hugging them (Z and his Father), put your hands up! :'''Kimi''' [to Chuckie]: You didn't! :'''Chuckie''': No... Uh, Phil did... but only because he cares..... like us! <hr width="50%"/> === Truth or Consequences=== :(The twins see Dil walk down the hall on his hands) :'''Phil''': I wonder what Dil would be like if we never dropped him on his head. :(Lil shrugs) <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn (to Dil)''': I've been observing you, Pickles, and I must say I find your behavior disturbing. :'''Dil''': Tell me more. :'''Pangborn''': This past week I've noticed you eating exclusively green foods, hopping to class on one foot, and wearing your clothes inside out. What does that tell you, son? :'''Dil''': That you have a lot of free time on your hands? :'''Pangborn''': (growls) This is a standard psychological Rorschach test: I show you an inkblot; you tell me what you see. (Holds up an inkblot) :'''Dil''': A Rorschach test. :Pangborn: (growls) Now, what do you see? (Holds up another inkblot) :'''Dil''': Uh, a medieval castle, hundreds of angry villagers, a raging moat, a fire-breathing dragon, and a honey-baked ham. :(Pangborn bangs his head against his desk repeatedly) <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn (to Dil)''': Let's try a word-association experiment: I'll say a word; you respond with the first thing that comes to mind. Hot. :'''Dil''': Hot. :'''Pangborn''': Cold. :'''Dil''': Cold. :'''Pangborn''': Stop it. :'''Dil''': Stop it. :'''Pangborn''': You're supposed to give me a new word, not the same one I gave you! :'''Dil''': You asked me to say the first word that came to mind. And when you say "hot," the first word I think of is, well... "hot." :'''Pangborn''': (growls) Get out! No session tomorrow. Instead, I want to see the people responsible for your existence. (rips his suit at the back) :'''Dil''': (tries to open the door) It's stuck. :'''Pangborn''': (kicks the door down) Now it's not. === Thief Encounter=== :'''Tommy''': (to the police) He (Dil) is innocent! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': I was sleepwalking, you seriously think I'd go out in public like this?! :'''Policeman''': If I had a dime for every Joe who blamed his crime on sleepwalking, I'd be a rich man. Well, maybe not rich, but I'd own a boat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': (about Bernadette) I want to return it. :'''Susie''': Return what? :'''Angelica''': It. :'''Susie''': She's not a shirt, Angelica. She's a human being. :'''Angelica''': That's up for debate. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (about Dil) Did he admit it? :'''Tommy''': Nope, he pushed the "I'm innocent" act. I'll have to stay up all night and catch him. :'''Chuckie''': How do you expect to pull an all-nighter when you can't even stay awake during the least boring school activity? :'''Tommy''': What's that? :'''Chuckie''': Lunch, that thing you're wearing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil''': I didn't do nothin', I swear. :'''Betty''': Okay, I'll bite. If you didn't take those things, then who did? :'''Dil''': (looks at Tommy) I'm taking the Fifth. :'''Betty''': (to Chaz) Figures, he already took everything else. === River Rats=== :'''Chaz''': Dip, pull, then repeat. Plant your feet and keep your seat! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil (to Tommy)''': Dip, Pull, eat red meant, plant some corn and peas and wheat! (laughs) === It's Cupid, Stupid=== :'''Kimi''': Is it me, or is it kinda pathetic? :'''Susie''': I've seen worse… oh wait, that was Angelica, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie (to Kimi)''': I just wanted to let you know that the same thing that is going on between you, Z, and Susie is going on between me, Tommy, and Nicole, so I know how you feel. :'''Kimi''': Oh, really? You suddenly realized you have a crush on Z and your best friend is a backstabber? :'''Chuckie''': Not exactly. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': I heard Tommy say he was hoping Nicole would turn you down! :'''Chuckie''': But Tommy would never say that! :'''Kimi''': That's what I thought about Susie! === Brother, Can You Spare the Time?=== :'''Tommy''': (to Chuckie; out of breath) Do you know what it's like to be chased by crazy, lovesick girls?! One of 'em wanted my sock! :'''Chuckie''': No and ew. <hr width="50%"/> Lyrics to "Tommy's Tomorrow" :'''Susie''': What's the haps, for Tommy's tomorrow? We know our boy's round the corner from fame. So listen up all you sisters and brothers. To us, T. Pickles will still be the same. What's the haps, for Tommy's tomorrow? We know our boy's round the corner from fame. So listen up all you sisters and brothers. To us, T. Pickles will still be the same. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': (to Dil): And who said you won't be famous, too? :'''Dil''': Three words: Lars Christian Anderson. :'''Tommy''': Who's that? :'''Dil''': Exactly. === The Old & the Restless=== :'''Tommy''': (to Sean): My Grandpa may do some embarrassing stuff sometimes, but he's still my grandpa. So shut your pie hole! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Beaker''': And that's what makes the appendix one of the most impressive, yet utterly useless organs. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': We're catching up fast. :'''Phil''': Yeah, but it'd be nice if we could at least stop and smell the mucus. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi''': Dil, your steamed spinach on a bed of chilled spinach is getting cold and warm! === Tweenage Tycoons=== === Tommy Foolery=== :'''Sean''': Romeo didn't like mean girls. And neither do I. Me and Romeo don't like the meanies. :'''Susie''': (to Angelica) Guess that counts you out! :'''Angelica''': What do you mean? :'''Susie''': What do you mean what do I mean? I mean you're mean! So, adios to any chance with Sean! :'''Angelica''': I happen to be very nice. :'''Harold''': (dreamily) I think so, too. :'''Angelica''': Who asked ya? === Interview with a Campfire === ====Part 1==== :'''Chuckie''': (gets forced to hold the rope and pushed by Kimi) BLEEEEEAAAAAAAAAGH! ====Part 2==== :'''Dil''': ''(sees Bean in an old picture)'' No way. :'''Tommy''': What is it, Dil? What's wrong? :'''Dil''': It's the picture of the Everwood Settlers. :'''Tommy''': So? :'''Dil''': Back row, 3rd guy from the left. :'''Tommy''': It's Bean! :'''Phil''': Bean's a ghost? :'''Tommy, Dil, Chuckie, Phil, Lil, Stu, Charlotte and Howard''': ''(scream in fear)'' :'''Charlotte''': Wasn't he... with you? ''(they notice he has vanished)'' :'''Lil''': He's gone! :'''Dil''': Now that the mystery's solved, the brain sucking Pioneers can finally rest in peace. :'''Howard''': Great! Now let's get outta here! :'''Chuckie''': Follow the buddies! <hr width="50%"/> ''(suddenly appears on Tommy's footage)'' :'''Bean''':''(Eyes glowing)'' An't Got No Brain Or Nothing! '' == Season 2 == ===Bad Apititude === :'''Dil''': Sorry I'm late, but I have exciting news. I just motivated a withering rose to bloom, yeah! It took a few hours and some sunlight and some water, but I did it. And I came up with a great motivational slogan: "Don't Get Down, Get Up" <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': I'm going to be a botanist. :'''Lil''': Do you even know what that is? :'''Phil''': No, but their booth has funnel cake. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Kimi, did you see the school paper? People wrote in reviewing your reviews. :'''Kimi''': Pretentious, boring. Forget it, everyone's a critic. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Dil, what are you?! :'''Dil''': Tommy, you've got to break away, you're turning Blek-anise, I really think so, and that's not who u are, you're a filmmaker, not a bleckie! : ----  :'''Kimi''': Well it was a little commercial. :'''Everyone (to Kimi)''': It was a commercial! ===Fools Rush In === :'''Tommy''': Dil, this isn't a game! Okay, this is a game. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': (to Francine) Either I'm facing a new friend or certain death! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': I'm on in less than half an hour. Be honest, do I look okay? :'''Kimi''': Uh, you're the new PA announcer, as in, no one's going to see you! :'''Lil''': Oh, yeah, so, do I look okay? ===Memoirs of a Finster === :'''Chuckie''': Kimi, what did you find out? :'''Kimi''': I'm Japanese! :'''Chuckie''': You're just figuring that out? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Max has to be the coolest teacher ever! This assignment actually sounds fun. :'''Chuckie''': I'll do your research since you're spending Saturday teaching me how to ice skate for Nicole's party. :'''Kimi''': Don't worry about it, Chucko. This project's going to be cake. Two Finsters, one family tree equals half the work. :'''Chuckie''': I like the way you think, Kimmo. :'''Kimi''': Don't do that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': (to Tommy and Dil) Call me crazy, but that kid looks kind of familiar! :'''Tommy''': Maybe 'cause he sits next to you in every single one of your classes now, he's new! :'''Dil''': Or 'cause he's rolled by 26 times in the past 10 minutes?! Twenty-seven! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': See? Friends are like holidays: you can never have enough of them. :'''Dil''': Deep. You make that up? :'''Chuckie''': Nope. I got it off a greeting card. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': You're not a real Finster? :'''Lying Kimi''': No, not technically. :'''Chuckie''': Right. 'Cause a real Finster would have taught her brother how to skate, so he won't spend an entire party on his butt risking frostbite, or death by... A SCARY BIG ICE MACHINE! ===Miss Nose it All === :'''Angelica''': Hold the elevator. (trips and falls) My ankle! My nose! MY PARTY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Are Lil and I the only ones who actually want to make a tranquility garden? :'''Phil''': What? I'm not a plant person; I'm a people person. :'''Lil''': Guess again. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': The grass is blue. :'''Doctor''': Excuse Me? :'''Angelica''': The couch is on vacation. :'''Susie''': Is that the crazy talk? :'''Angelica''': The pillows are hungry. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harold (to Angelica)''': You have a cast on your nose! :'''Angelica''': Good work, Columbo. ===Runaround Susie === :'''Susie''': (to Randy): What do you call those things before CDs? :'''Randy''': Records. :'''Susie''': Yeah. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': Either tell on me or let it die, but end the torment! :'''Lil''': Maybe for the "your red sock in my white wash incident," but this. Spray-painting your skateboard and accidentally ruining mom's... :'''Phil''': Don't say it! :'''Lil''': Ok, her... you know what. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': It cannot be released in the air, because once it's said, I'm dead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Three words, Phillip: You! Know! WHAT! :'''Phil''': Here's my three words, Lillian: You! Signed! THIS! (holds up the contract) :'''Lil''': I! DON'T! CARE! :'''Phil''': YOU! CAN'T! DO! Uh... THAT! :'''Lil''': You dump Geoffrey or I tell Mom! That was the deal! :'''Phil''': Then go ahead and tell, 'cause I'm not doing your dirty work, especially now that Geoffrey and I are... tight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Ho-ho, cheer up, Geoffrey, here's someone you know/like better, my brother, Phil? :'''Phil''': (Putting His Fingers at Geoffrey) Yo, Geoffrey, you wanna shoot and put through our noses? :'''Geoffrey''': Augh, he's gross! Bye, Lil. :'''Lil''': Bye, Geoffrey. :'''Phil''': (to Lil) I'm gross?! I'm GROSS?! ME?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chas''': Wow, renewing your wedding vows. Oh, how romantic, Betty? :'''Betty''': Romantic my caboose. It's just time for a new set of rules. You know, like "love, honor, and wear a snore guard." Heh. :'''Chas''': Ah. So, did you buy a new wedding gown? :'''Betty''': Are you nuts? I just let the old one out a little. (Pause) Okay, a lot. === ''Saving Cynthia'' === :'''Tommy:''' We were solving a science question! Uh, we found out that p-pudding travels three times farther when shot out of a straw in your nose than uh, straw in your mouth! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn:''' Now, where was I? :'''Tommy:''' ''(imitating Pangborn's voice)'' Look Pickles, I'll let it slide this time. :'''Pangborn:''' Nice try. I&mdash; ''(device beeps, Pangborn tries to turn it off)'' :'''Chuckie:''' Sir, is that one of those overhyped, overpriced, cutting edge digital organizers? :'''Pangborn:''' No, it's an overhyped, overpriced, cutting edge digital organizer that saved my life! True, I was a little worried about compressing my entire existence into something the size of a waffle. My effiency variable has increased by 43%. :'''Chuckie:''' I guess that's important, huh? :'''Pangborn:''' Important! Not only is all my personal information at my fingertips, but it tells me what kind of coffee to order, what to wear, when to go to the dentist! :'''Tommy:''' Huh. Sounds like you just need my mom. :'''Pangborn:''' ''And'' it'll tell me what kind of punishment you deserve! :''[Tommy and Chuckie gasp.]'' :'''Pangborn:''' I put the misuse of pudding, then Pickles and Finster, hit this little button here, and...voila! ''(digital organizer beeps and presents punishment)'' You must water my plants for a week? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi:''' Oh, yes! I remember reading about that in ''Beyond Lipshitz''. Parents should hold family hours to encourage a sincere and sharing dialogue with their children. :'''Chaz:''' That's great, Didi! I'll think I'll start our very own family hour tonight. Really get Chuckie to...talk back! :'''Betty:''' If I want to know what my pups are up to, I just eavesdrop on their conversations. :'''Chaz:''' But Betty that's so, uh... ''(searches for a word in ''How to Talk to Your Kids So They'll Talk Back'')'' invasive! :'''Betty:''' ''Only'' if they catch you at it, Chazzie! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica:''' Cynthia! CYNTHIA! :'''Harold:''' Who? :'''Angelica:''' You don't know her, old friend. :'''Harold:''' Who you keep stuffed in a chest? Gee, I'm luckier than I thought! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica:''' Im''pressive'' how you figured out where Cynthia is, Susie! :'''Susie:''' ''(says sarcastically)'' Yeah, it took a brainiac like me to ask the clerk at the thrift shop who bought it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Susie:''' Just be honest! Nothing wins people over like a warm smile, sincerity, and... ''(pauses at Angelica's glare)'' Maybe I'd better do it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': Okay, so it's not like I haven't noticed how maybe sometimes, every now and then, I may get on people's nerves, but never Cynthia's! :'''Harold''': But Cynthia's a doll, so technically, she doesn't have nerves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn:''' By accidentally erasing my digital organizer, they've given me back my life! Pangborn is reborn! ''(laughs)'' I even picked out my socks this morning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chaz:''' Who's Elmira? :'''Pangborn:''' ''(pets his hanging plant)'' Her leafy tendrils brush my... ''(meanwhile, Stu, Didi, and Chaz usher Tommy and Chuckie out of Pangborn's office)'' === ''The Science Pair'' === :'''Kimi:''' Would you listen to those guys? :'''Lil:''' ''(laughs)'' Yeah. We can win this Space Race on pure girls-are-obviously-smarter-than-boys power. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' I call it the Socks-o-matic. Got the idea from Chuckie. Automatically sorts socks by color and texture so no one has to suffer a fashion tragedy again. ''(Chuckie lifts his pants to reveal mismatched socks)'' :'''Chuckie:''' Hey, who're you calling a tragedy? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Puke-o-rama! This milk is bad as bad gets. :'''Chuckie:''' Worse even! :'''Phil:''' Uh, guys, ''that's'' your milk. You're drinkin' my science project. I'm growing different bacteria to see which has the reekage quotient. :''[Tommy and Chuckie drop their milk in disgust.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil:''' ''(squeals)'' That boy on my arm would be the ultimate fashion statement! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu:''' Anyone see Dil? :'''Didi:''' He's been staying late at school for science club. :'''Tommy:''' Dil's not in science club! :'''Didi:''' No, but he's the subject of three different experiments. :'''Stu and Tommy:''' Oh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu:''' Hey champ, these are nice springs. Where you'd get them? :'''Tommy:''' Uh...borrowed 'em. ''(hurries out of the kitchen)'' Let's go! :''[Didi opens the dishwasher, which crashes to the floor. Tommy winces, and Didi taps her foot, frowning at him. Tommy smiles sheepishly.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' The Socks-o-matic sorted correctly almost 98.4% of the time. But...I still can't understand why it doesn't work on Dil's socks. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Heard of player pianos? We're making a whole player band <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu:''' I promised your mom we wouldn't stay up too late. :'''Tommy:''' Uh, dad? That was three nights ago. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Mom has one. :'''Stu:''' You mean the good silver one she guards like Fort Knox treasure? :'''Tommy:''' Yeah, that one. :'''Stu:''' We couldn't, could we?! :'''Tommy''': Project's on permahold otherwise... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi:''' I've got to admit &mdash; Nicholas hanging on your arm ''does'' make a statement! :'''Lil:''' ''(fake smiles and has a monster voice)'' Yeah, it says...I'M HANGING WITH A BLITHERING IDIOT! :'''Kimi:''' Huh? :'''Lil:''' I've decided to drop the spitball project. Instead, I'm doing a case study on Nicholas entitled: ''The Mind of the Mindless''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' I know what you mean. My dad still hasn't gotten over the day I told him I could button my own shirt. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Beaker:''' ''(speaking to Tommy about his project)'' If any kid had entered a masterpiece like this, I would've suspected foul play. ===Izzy or Isn't He? === :'''Chuckie''': As long as I have your attention, I'd like to bring something to your attention. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': Uh, a little advice, Dil, having an imaginary friend after a certain age is something one should keep to one's self. :'''Dil''': I'm down with that, Safety Boy. I put the "imaginary friend" thing to bed when I was eight. Izzy's my imaginary alien friend. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': What? Lil's breath smells like feet? Izzy, that's harsh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil (to Chuckie)''': You're running for what?! :'''Chuckie''': Safety commissioner. :'''Lil''': And why are you doing this? :'''Chuckie''': (trying to open his locker) My whole life, safety has been like a loony uncle locked away in the attic. It's time I took off the shackles and let him into the good part of the house! I've got pretty good odds, too. The only other candidate is Amelia somebody. She is so quiet, no one knows who she is. (opens the locker door and hits Phil and Lil with it) See, this is just the thing that could easily have been avoided. (Slams locker door on Tommy's thumb) :'''Tommy''': Somebody get a crowbar and some butter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (to everyone else) (about Izzy) IT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST! :Everyone Else: BOO (2 times), (throws everything at Chuckie)! ===Project Chuckie === :'''Angelica''': Chuckie, I have observed your tragic social skills, but because we've been friends since childhood, I want to make a difference in your life. I'm here to help. :'''Chuckie''': Oh, this can't be good. :'''Angelica''': Chuckie, you're, well... a gork. Those sad few beyond geek. :'''Chuckie''': Not helping yet. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Wait 'til yo hear your parts, guys. :'''Lil''': I love the theater: the lights, costumes, make-up, applause. :'''Phil touching Tommy''': Good. Now, how do you feel about a skit in a history assembly? :'''Lil''': Hmm... yeah. Well, it is extra credit. :'''Kimi''': I don't know. History is so passé. :'''Tommy''': Not my version. These guys were cool, real rebels, the original American bad boys. It's going to rock; and I picked you guys over everyone. :'''Phil touching Tommy''': No one else wanted to do it, right? :'''Tommy''': That, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': (about her part in the play) Who am I?! :'''Tommy''': Are you ready? Kimi, Lil, you're... "the people"! :'''Kimi & Lil''': "The people"?! :'''Tommy''': Yeah! They're, uh... important. :'''Phil''': You know what, "by the people, for the people". .<hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': (rapping/singing) :'''Lil''': (after rehearsing the play) Cut! Thomas, were "the people," by any chance, a chorus of idiots?! :'''Kimi''': We want better parts! :'''Tommy''': Sorry. :'''Lil and Kimi''': Hm! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': Just once, I'd like to know what it feels like to be genuinely popular. :'''Lil''': Huh! And what are we, deformed mutants? :'''Kimi''': Well, we are "the people." :'''Tommy''': Chuckie, we're popular. :'''Chuckie''': No, we're normal - except maybe Phil. :'''Phil''': Hey! (trips and makes Chuckie fall down.) === ''Fear of Falling'' === :''[Tommy gasps]'' :'''Phil:''' (to Tommy) What?! (to everyone else) Did you see somebody naked? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica:''' ''(reading aloud the activities she's signing up for)'' Seaweed wrap, spa, pedicure, paraffin dip... :'''Kimi:''' ''(reading aloud the activities she's signing up for)'' Kayaking, mountain biking, hot yoga... :'''Daniel (Instructor):''' I need one more victim for the tracker five hike. Anyone interested? :'''Angelica:''' As long as I'm signing... :'''Daniel:''' Make sure to you wear sturdy hiking boots, travel light &mdash; we'll hook up at 5 AM. :''[Daniel leaves.]'' :'''Angelica''': It spent thirteen years in the making, but I finally met the guy who's worthy of my first kiss. :'''Kimi:''' You might want to give him the heads up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Olivia''': It's okay. Hey you're the guy who was spying on me through the telescope. :'''Tommy:''' Spying is such a harsh word, I'd prefer to think of it as casual surveillance. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' Phil, can I ask you a personal question? :'''Phil:''' Okay, I didn't shower before I got in. But no one takes that rule seriously. :''[Lifeguard blows his whistle, Phil stands up and gets hosed down.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil:''' I don't know about her, but I do feel weird around Tommy when he's around Olivia. She's pretty nice though, and she didn't cry when I accidentally hit her in the head with a giant snowball. :'''Chuckie:''' That was an accident? :'''Phil:''' Okay, I was totally aiming for the head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' Where have you been all day? :'''Kimi:''' When Angelica bailed on her spa appointments, I felt so bad I volunteered to fill in. And you know what? It was the ''best'' day of my life! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' You know, Chuckie, it's great hanging out with somebody you totally gel with &mdash; who makes you laugh and cool. :'''Chuckie:''' Thanks, man! I feel the same way! :'''Tommy:''' You like Olivia too? :'''Chuckie:''' Oh. I thought you meant &mdash; never mind. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Olivia tried to kiss me yesterday! :'''Chuckie:''' She did? So, what did you do? :'''Tommy:''' Oh, what any mature man of the world would do: I smashed a snowball in her face! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' So, you think I'm ready for my first kiss? :'''Chuckie:''' One of us has to be! And I'm on hold until my braces come off. Let me know if you hear bells. Kimi says you do, but she might just be clowning on me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' I gotta go, I'm sorry I would love to stay for my second, third and if it's not pushing it fourth kiss, but I promised to meet Chuckie for phase three. :'''Olivia:''' Go on, get out of here. :'''Tommy:''' And for the record, I like you a lot better than snow. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' Why couldn't I have a phobia closer to the ground? Like spiders...or zippers! I could repell down...or stay here all night and risk becoming a Chucksicle! ''(watches as a rock plunges to the depths)'' Chucksicle it is! ''(hears wolves howling in the distance)'' On the second thought, I need the exercise. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' And in case I don't make it back alive, I-I need to know one thing: did you kiss her? :'''Tommy:''' Don't tell anybody, but...yeah, I kissed her, MY FIRST KISS! :'''Angelica:''' His first kiss?! I'm gonna kill him! : ----  :'''Kimi''': Wait a minute, if we're all here &mdash; who's guarding the mountain? :'''Phil:''' Nobody, we're not playing the game, we're hiding from Angelica. == Season 3 == ===The Finster Who Stole Christmas === :'''Tommy''': (while eating Chaz's gingerbread) This is some rockin' gingerbread! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': (to Kira) I'm proud of you for keeping your cool. :(Kira opens the cab door and a boy gets in) :'''Kira''': (angrily) I'VE WAITED THROUGH 3 STATES AND 2 CONTINENTS! (grabs the boy out of the cab) I'VE BEEN PATIENT THROUGH 4 TIME ZONES! THIS CAB IS MINE! IT'S MINE! MINE! === ''Blind Man's Bluff'' [3.1] === :'''Tommy''': Not to mention they finally re-opened Whiplash Gorge. :'''Phil''': After settling all these pesky lawsuits. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommmy:''' Good call, Chuckie. You have nothing to fear except fear itself. :'''Chuckie:''' That's what I'm afraid of. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu''': ''(to Didi)'' This isn't going to be easy. But don't worry, I can handle it. :''[Scence change with Tommy and Dil.]'' :'''Stu:''' Boys, I, uh... your mother wants to talk to you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi''': So, you two have to pick up Grandpa Boris from the optometrist. :'''Dil''': Nooooooooooooooooo! : <hr width="50%"/> :''[The next day, on the dock, Chuckie and Tommy ran in the boat]'' :'''Didi''': (bumps on a sticker bur) Ouch! :'''Chuckie''': What happened? :'''Stu:''' Didi bumped on a sticker bur on the dock. :''[Didi puts her hands on her hips and frowns at her husband.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': What is it, Chuck? :'''Chuckie''': Just reading the fine print. Specifically, that Slosh Mountain is not responsible for extreme bodily harm. :'''Phil''': Ah, you know lawyers. Always so worried about losing limbs. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': Ten bucks says I can throw up more times than anyone here. :'''Kimi''': You're on! :'''Lil''': Don't do it, Kimi. He has a wicked gag reflex. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Don't touch me! I can walk fine! You didn't dilate my legs, did you? :'''Doctor:''' Now, Mr. Krepotkin, the best thing is to rest your eyes while they're dilated like this. Maybe you should take a nice, long nap. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' ''(facing a lamp)'' You take a nap! I'm not blind! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil:''' You know, we could still go. :'''Tommy:''' How? :'''Dil:''' He can't see. We'll park him somewhere, and tell him he's at the...senior center. :'''Tommy:''' Dil, if mom and dad found out, we'd be toast! Actually, we'd be lucky to be toast. We'd be the bird stuff that we scrape off the toast. :'''Dil:''' Bro'! They won't find out. As soon as we're there, we'll hit Whiplash Gorge &mdash; in and out thirty minutes. :'''Tommy:''' Oh, I don't know. :'''Dil:''' Technically, they didn't say we couldn't go to Slosh Mountain. They said we had to pick up grandpa. Who says we can't do both? :'''Tommy:''' It would be a shame to waste the tickets. :'''Dil:''' Now you're talkin', T'! And just think of poor grandpa, stuck in that ''stuffy'' house all day with his broken eyes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil:''' Well, here we are, grandpa. Good ol' senior center. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Why did you bring me here? I ''hate'' this place! :'''Tommy:''' You ''love'' the senior center. All your friends are here! :'''Grandpa Boris:''' What friends?! Harry? All he talks about are his golf stones. Ira, that guy owes me ten bucks! Anyway, are you sure this is the senior center? It doesn't sound like it, ''(sniffs)'' or smell like it. :'''Tommy:''' Well, uh, that's because it's Deep-fried Chocolate Bar Tuesday! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil:''' This is it! Whiplash Gorge: the only ride in the world with its own hospital! :''[Lil, Chuckie, Phil, and Kimi watch as an ambulence pulls up carrying a man in his bathing suit with a bandaged head and a balloon.]'' :'''Phil:''' They're stuff of dreams. :'''Chuckie:''' Bad dreams. :'''Kimi:''' ''(looking at Whiplash Gorge)'' You'd have to be ''crazy'' to go on this thing. ''(changes tone from worry to excitement)'' Who's first?! :'''Kid on Whiplash Gorge:''' Heellppp meeeeeee! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Just you know, if we never find him, this is all on you! :'''Dil:''' I think we're looking at this the wrong way. Maybe grandpas are like ''chickens''! Some prefer the comfort and security of the hen-house, while others want to roam on the free range! :'''Tommy:''' ''(exasperated)'' Do you even believe ''half'' the stuff that comes out of your mouth? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil:''' How is it my fault? You listened to a guy wearing a bathing suit and a ski cap &mdash; how smart was ''that''? :'''Tommy:''' You &mdash; you used your hocus-pocus mind control junk on me! :'''Dil:''' I didn't do that! Besides, everyone knows it doesn't work around water. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': ''(on walkie-talkie)'' Team Leader Alpha to Team Leader Delta. Report. Over. :'''Lil''': This is Team Leader Delta. Over. :'''Kimi''': Lil, what happened to Phil? :'''Lil''': I relieved him of command. He was being an idiot. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Security chief:''' All right, you know why you're here. Don't steal, et cetera. Just watch this video about pool rules and you can go. :'''Tommy:''' ''(raises his hand)'' Sir, we can explain. :'''Security chief:''' Please don't. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Grandpa Boris cuts the line for Whiplash Gorge.]'' :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Oh, stuff it. I'm a senior citizen, I can do whatever I want. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' ''(to security guard)'' You're not sending me back until I've gone on Whiplash Gorge! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' ...It's just &mdash; well, when you're old, people don't let you have fun so much anymore. I guess I got a little carried away! :'''Tommy:''' You know, they don't always let you have fun as a kid either. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Um...maybe we keep this little adventure between us, heh? :'''Chuckie:''' Deal. :'''Dil:''' Now, ''that'' was mind control. :'''Tommy:''' Hmm, I thought it didn't work around water. :'''Dil:''' Oh, it does. :''[Tommy gives him a look]'' :'''Dil:''' What? I can't tell you everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Sorry I did an stage-dive in between your number, Suezzle. But an old guy's gotta do, what an old guy's gotta do. :'''Susie:''' Actually, the audience loved it ''so'' much, ''(Susie dances)'' we're booked for the next three weeks! You up for a repeat performance? :''[Susie and Grandpa Boris high-five each other.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi:''' Hey you guys, how was the optometrist? :'''Tommy:''' Oh, piece of cake! :'''Dil:''' In and out in thirty minutes. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' No big surprises. :'''Didi:''' Well, we have a surprise for you boys. We felt really awful about making you miss your trip, so... :'''Stu:''' ...We got you season passes to Slosh Mountain! :'''Tommy:''' For real?! :'''Dil:''' Whoah! :'''Didi:''' Look at you two, acting like responsible adults. I'm so proud. Tommy, Dil, how'd you boys get sunburned? And Dad, why do you smell like chlorine? === ''Yu-Gotta-Go'' [3.2] === :'''Phil''': I see something in your eyes, dude. Something I've never seen there before. :'''Chuckie''': I call it amptitude, my man. :'''Phil''': No, it's called eye crust. Don't you wash your face in the morning? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlotte''': You, young lady, are going to be responsible for cleaning the house for a whole week! Now, give me your phone! :'''Angelica''': My... phone? ''[hugs her mother's leg]'' Oh, please! Not the phone! What if it's an emergency?! Like I'm late for class and don't know what time it is?! :'''Charlotte''': Well, that's what a watch is for. A phone is for talking and taking digital pictures. ''[Angelica hands her her phone]'' It's about time you learned a little responsibility around here. Now, go get the pail, the mop and the detergent. :'''Angelica''': Where are they? :'''Charlotte''': I have no idea. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (while reading Angelica's diary) Tried stuffing bra. Too lop-sided. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Chuckie is thinking about selling his father's stamp album to buy more Yu-Gotta-Go cards]'' :'''Tommy''': You can't sell your stamp album! :'''Kimi''': ''[tries to take the album away]'' Yeah, Chuckie! Dad'll go ballistic! You know how veiny his head gets! :'''Chuckie''': I'm not selling the whole thing. I'll trade one teensy little stamp for one deck of cards! :'''Tommy''': If you do, you'll be sorry. Someday, you're gonna look in that mirror and you're not gonna like what you see. :'''Chuckie''': What else is new? Oh, you're right. I can't do it. :'''Tommy and Kimi''': ''[they both hi-five]'' Yes! :'''Chuckie''': ''[rushes out]'' NOW I CAN!! :'''Tommy and Kimi''': HEY! === ''The Curse of Reptar'' [3.3] === :'''Chuckie''': So there wasn't any curse of Reptar after all. Well, what do you know about that. Well, good night. :'''Tommy''': That's it? After scaring everyone half to death, that's it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': So, why'd you even come, Angelica? :'''Angelica''': Are you kidding? Don't you know it's always the gorgous girl with the naturally bouncy hair who stays behind in the house, and never makes it to the end of the movie? I'd be a goner. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil''': You still think we'll get the pool, T? 'Cause I was thinking of expanding my sanctuary and calling it "Habitat for Manitee." :'''Tommy''': Pool, yes. Marine mammals, no. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': We found our old Reptar toy in the backyard and tossed him out. Now, Chuckie thinks that Reptar's mad at us. :'''Angelica''': That is, like, the lamest thing I've ever heard. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu''': We're going to get you boys something every kid dreams of having. :'''Angelica''': A home in Aspen? :'''Dil''': A six week course in Portuguese? :'''Chuckie''': Respect? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': This puts me on Tommy's side, which is a first I'm not particularly proud of. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': You preteens are lucky your parents are smart enough to have someone my age around to figure these things out. :'''Phil''': You know, she's right. :'''Lil''': That may be the scariest thought all night. === ''It's Karma, Dude!'' [3.4] === :'''Susie''': Did she call me about the audition sign up? :'''Tommy''': Yeah, she did. I heard her. I don't want to get hurt here. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': (to Dil) How'd you do that? :'''Dil''': What? :'''Angelica''': The light-glow-warmth thing. === ''The Big Score'' [3.5] === :'''Betty''': How 'bout we squeeze in some "Lil time" tomorrow. After practice, we can have a girls night out. :'''Lil''': We're not shopping for bras, are we? :'''Betty''': That's your father's department. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Everything around here is always soccer, soccer, soccer. :'''Phil''': Dad, can you put on the Soccer Channel? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Football Coach''': (Blows whistle) You expect to be on junior-junior varsity with no upper-body strength?! (Blows whistle) :'''Angelica''': You're the coach! Why don't you show me how it's done?! Put your money where your big, fat mouth is! :'''Football Coach''': That's some squawk box you got on you, Pickles. Any chance you'd be interested in a student coaching position?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': That's it! Sports - it's a guy magnet. I just need a sport. :'''Susie''': You're forgetting one itsy-bitsy detail; you have no athletic ability what-so-ever. :'''Angelica''': Yeah, but that sure doesn't stop Phil. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn''': (To soccer team) And just because we've lost every single game... ever... doesn't mean that today we can't lose by a little bit less. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn''': (To soccer team) Time to work on penalty shots, people! (Softly) 'Cause heaven knows you need it. :'''Phil''': (to Tommy and Chuckie) Tell me the truth, answer me! :'''Chuckie''': Mom, Dad, I don't wanna answer him the question! :'''Phil''': Answer me, she (Wally)'s really good, ain't she?! :'''Tommy''': (to Phil) Yeah! === ''Rats Race'' [3.6] === :'''Angelica''': (About Harold) That skunk! All that hard work, and he's the one who gets to go to Paris, France. :'''Tommy''': You mean Paris, Texas? The finals are in Texas. :'''Angelica''': Texas? You mean I risked my life for a trip to America's dust bowl?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (Looking at soap box derby car diagram upside-down) Not a clue. :(Tommy flips it right-side up) :'''Chuckie''': Thanks, Tommy. Still no clue <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': This much money just to crash a car? :'''Chuckie''': I'm out. Or was I already out? I forget. === ''Wouldn't It Be Nice?'' [3.7] === :'''Angelica''': It's all about having your own personality. That's why I need to get a nose ring exactly like Emica's. === ''Dude, Where's My Horse?'' [3.8] === :'''Phil''': (Singing to everyone) Home, home on the range. Where the deer and the antelope play. Where seldom is heard a discouraging word. And the skies are not cloudy all day. (Stops singing and probably evil laughs probably at everyone, to Lil) Not bad, huh? :'''Lil''': I don't know you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Chuckie, I'm sorry I was kind of a jerk to you the other night. :'''Chuckie''': Nah, you weren't a jerk, just testy, but you seem like you're in a good mood now, did you finally lasso the wooden cow? :'''Tommy''': Nope, I finally accepted the fact that I'm the lamest cowboy on the planet, and I'm completely comfortable with it. :'''Chuckie''': I've always said the key to happiness is... lowered expectations. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Not everyone can expect to be a cowboy overnight. :(Chuckie begins playing harmonica) :'''Tommy''': When did you learn how to play the harmonica? :Chuckie: I play the harmonica? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': What are you looking at? :'''Little Red''': Uh... I - I never met a city girl before. How did you get your hair so shiny? :'''Angelica''': We bathe. <hr width="50%"/> :(On the bus, Angelica's kicking Tommy's seat) :'''Tommy''': Angelica? Do you have to keep kicking my seat? :'''Angelica''': No, I don't have to, but seeing as how you got us into this mess, it's my pleasure! === ''R.V. Having Fun Yet?'' [3.9] === :Kimi: Guess who I found digging through the trash? :Phil: ''(holds hands up)'' I was here all night. === ''Ladies' Man'' [3.11] === '''Insert quote here''' == Season 4 == ===Separate But Equal [4.3]=== :'''Phil''': (to Lil) This is all your fault, you know?! :'''Lil''': You're the one who wanted separate parties! ===Lost at Sea=== :'''Charlotte''': I gave everything to that company, this is how they repay me?! With a free stapler and a kick in the designer pants?! ''[blows her nose]'' ===O Bro, Where Art Thou? [4.6]=== :'''Chuckie''': Not Clowns. Anything but Clowns. Don't Like 'em. Don't trust 'em. Don't want to be 'em. ===Rat Traps [4.7]=== :'''Dil''': (talking about the robbers) Those guys could be mutant androids that spit acid out of their eyes! (everyone stares at Dil blankly) That's it. No more PG-13 movies movie for me. I'm going back to epic romances. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': Why is it that the guys with the glasses and the swollen adenoids always get picked on? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Brilliant idea, Phil. Suggesting that movie. :'''Phil''': Since when do you listen to me? I'm a moron. Plus, Angelica's the one who made us come back in here. <hr width="50%"/> :(While Susie and Angelica are counting money for charity) :'''Susie''': Thirteen dollars, fifty-seven cents. How'd you do? :'''Angelica''': (counting) Ten, eleven...six hundred forty-three dollars and one certified check. :'''Susie''': How'd you do that?! :'''Angelica''': It's nothin'! You should've seen me on my magazine drive. I had a nun in tears! ==Season 5== ===Susie Goes Bad Lite=== :"Tommy": Fine I'll Show You ===Golden Boy=== :"Tommy": Gotcha? ===Trading Places=== :"Chuckie": These Two Brothers ===TP+KF=== :'''Tommy''': That has nothing to do with me liking Kimi! ===Super Hero Worship=== :"Harold": Just As Well I Was Getting Nosy Smelling My Own Breath ===What's Love Got to Do with It?=== (Angelica whines.) :'''Susie''': You didn't really think he was gonna go for you, did you? :'''Angelica''': (Sobbing) No, and that's the worst part, liking someone so much and knowing, they'll never feel the same way about you! :'''Susie''': Gee I wonder why? :'''Angelica''': (still Sobbing) I know, how pathetic is that?! (Sobs, bangs on the clock and screams) ===All Broke Up=== :'''Dil''': I never wanted it to end this way. I love you like an... aunt, but you crossed the line, and then you stomped on it, lit it on fire, and danced on its ashes! :'''Charlotte''': I know. That's why I'm so good at what I do. We could've had it all, you and I. Still, I have you to thank for getting me off my butt and bank into the game! ''[hugs Dil]'' I'll never forget you, little man. :'''Dil''': And I'll never forget you, big woman. [Phone Ringing} You'll Be Hearing from my lawyers ===Petition This=== :'''Susie''': I've done worse than undermine democracy. I've help bust up a family. :'''Angelica''': You've done worse, and that was one hammy reading you just gave :'''Susie''': This is our fault, we have to fix this. :'''Angelica''': No way. I don't get involved in family business :'''Susie''': Since when, and even you know that their own children have to be there :'''Angelica''': Especially if I could get blamed for them not showing :'''Susie''': Your parents could punish you by taking away your cell phone. ===Brothers Grimm=== :'''Tommy''': (to Lil) How much gum are you chewing? :'''Phil''': (to Tommy) Like ten sticks of it, anytime someone just mentions TV, boops, another stick goes in, it's like she's addicted or something :'''Lil''': (Blows and pops a big pink bubble) I am not addicted I can quit anytime! (Phil takes away the gum) I am ''this'' close to being an only child! ===Bad Blood=== :"Grandpa": I Scrub and Scrub But I Ever Feel Clean ==Characters== :[[w:Tommy Pickles|Tommy]] - Voiced by [[w:Elizabeth Daily|E.G. Daily]] :[[w:Chuckie Finster|Chuckie]] - Voiced by [[w:Nancy Cartwright|Nancy Cartwright]] :Phil (Tommy's best friend) and Lil (Chuckie's girlfriend) - Voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] :[[w:Angelica Pickles|Angelica]] (Tommy's cousin) - Voiced by [[w:Cheryl Chase|Cheryl Chase]]. :[[w:Dil Pickles|Dil Pickles]] (Tommy's younger brother) - Voiced by [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] :[[w:Susie Carmichael|Susie]] (Phil's girlfriend) - Voiced by [[w:Cree Summer|Cree Summer]] :[[w:Kimi Watanabe|Kimi]] (Tommy's girlfriend) - Voiced by [[w:Dionne Quan|Dionne Quan]] :[[w:Harold Frumkin|Harold]] - Voiced by Pat Musick. Angelica's boyfriend. :Nicole - Voiced by Lizzy Murray in season 1 (2003-2004). Chuckie's former best friend. :Edith - Voiced by Pat Musick. Chuckie's former best friend. :Rachel (Tommy's former best friend) (who's friends with Thomanita (who was voiced by Christina Pucelli) - Voiced by Meagan Smith (2005)/Denise Pickering (2007-2008), latest appeared in "All Broke Up" as a former sidekick for Tommy. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:American sequel TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Teen animated TV shows]] [[Category:Middle school TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Nicktoons]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]] cyh0yixmeyucma0hduoh8xsx54ispr7 3949222 3949221 2026-06-05T14:14:58Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 /* Characters */ 3949222 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:All Grown Up!|All Grown Up!]]''''' (2003–2008) is an [[w:animated television series|animated television series]] based on characters from [[Rugrats]], as older characters facing pre-teens, and teens issues. It premiered as a preview before starting its regular run in America, early March. The show is based on the Rugrats' 10th anniversary episode and television movie ''[[All Growed Up]]'', and the sequel to ''[[Rugrats]]'', which proved popular enough that [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] decided to commission a whole series. The show was aimed at preteens, and teens, and from ages 10 to 14. == Pilot == {{Main|All Growed Up}} == Season 1 == === Coup DeVille=== :'''Dil''' [while sniffing a shoe]: Weirdorama. It's corinthian leather. But it smells like egg salad. :'''Phil''': That is so immature! (sniffs the shoe) Cat butt, duh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn''': Finster, what are you doing? :'''Chuckie''': Drowning, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': Thanks, I'll pay you back. As soon as that no-allowance-for-a-month thing is over. How was I suppose to know Kimi's great aunt was in that vase? They should label that stuff. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': This test is stupid and humiliating! I can't even do the simplest rope climb! :'''Tommy''': Chuckie, you made it almost to the top. :'''Chuckie''': Only 'cause Pangborn pushed me halfway up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Beaker''': Morning. Sit down, find your chairs this time. Now, ignore my mumbling as I write on the board. Enjoy my back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Why are we partners on every project? It's always Phil and Lil this, Phil and Lil that, Newsflash, We're not two heads on one body! We are just two separate people who happen to live in the same house. He's Phil and I'm Lil. Two names, separated by the word "and." I am a thinking, breathing, independent individual and he's... Phil. From now on, think about me without Phil. Okay? ''[pause]'' '''OKAY?!?''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Twins this, twins that. It's always Phil and Lil! It ain't no even Lil and Phil! There's too much "we"; not enough "me"! I ain't wearing anything to that place because I ain't no going! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': I was exercising my right to say no to the President and his stupid test! I made a stand by refusing to show up! :'''Tommy''': Chuckie Finster skipped a class? :'''Chuckie''': Actually, I was hanging out in the nurse's office. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': I've been humiliated year after year, and now my suffering's over! Today I am taking a stand for coordinately-challenged kids everywhere! :'''Tommy''': And tomorrow? :'''Chuckie''': Tommy, don't ruin my moment! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Betty''': Jeez! This is awful. :'''Howard''': I know, we either have to have another set of twins or actually pay for a vacation. :'''Betty''': No, Howie, we have a bigger problem than a lost vacation. Our little Lil is unhappy. :'''Howard''': Right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Betty''': Calm down, Philly. Lil gets her own room, but think about it, so do you, and the computer stays here. And you finally have room for that basketball hoop you've always wanted, and you can paint the place any color you like, except tangerine 'cause it makes your father wig out. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Leslie''': All the right kids are here. :'''Diane''': Yeah. No lame-brains or dorks. Oh, by the way, where is your brother tonight? :'''Lil''': Not here! :'''Diane''': He really is a boob, isn't he? :'''Leslie''': My vote is for immature slob. :'''Brett''': Are you talking about Phil? He's like totally obnoxious in class. :'''Lil''': Not all the time. :'''Diane''': Not to mention gross and smelly. :'''Leslie''': This is fun! And he's really goofy looking, too. :'''Lil''': Not like I'm standing up for him or anything, but it's sometimes fun to be gross. And you know, Phil and I are twins, so if you think he's goofy looking, then I guess you think I am, too. :'''Diane:''' No. :'''Leslie:''' No way. :'''Brett:''' We weren't sayin' that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Diane:''' It's not like you don't know all this right? Phil is kind of a jerk. :'''Lil''': Hey! I can call him a jerk or a slob, but you guys can't. You don't even know him! He can actually be cool sometimes, and fun, and funny, and loyal. <hr width="50%"/> === Susie Sings the Blues=== :'''Tommy''' [to Chuckie]: Come on Chuck, how long does it take to copy your butt? :'''Chuckie''': I wasn't sure if I was letter or legal sized. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': See, I'm vanilla, Crustless Vanilla Finster, I was gonna get the chocolate mango swirl bar, but no, I chickened out at the last minute. :'''Tommy''': Actually, Chuckie, you chickened out at the first minute. But hey, be tight with that. :'''Chuckie''': But I want to be tight with a different Chuckie. The Chuck. A Chuck who takes risk, a Chuck who flirts with danger! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': Everybody's a critic. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Susie''': Do you still have that cute top… :'''Alisa''': Don't push your luck, girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''' [singing on the stage]: One, two, three, four! Can't help it boy, my heart's got call-waiting. Don't want you to be the only one I'm dating. Oops, got to put you on hold. Oops, got to put you on hold. And when our cars, went bump, bump baby. My heart went thump, thump, baby! (Harold plays on a red electric guitar and Dil and Phil and Lil dance and backup sing on the stage) (Other kids, tweens and teens boo at Angelica, Chuckie screams at Tommy and Angelica screams and falls off of the stage) <hr width="50%"/> :'''Susie''' [singing on the stage]: I was feeling real shattered, but my dreams they still matter. So if you think I'm going, baby, you're wrong. I'm so strong 'Cause there's no getting rid of this dream. How can I tell you what I mean? Sure, I took the wrong path, but then I did some new math. 'Cause there's no getting rid of this dream. How can I tell you what I mean? (Phil and Lil, Dil and Harold dance and Phil and Lil and Dil backup sing on the stage and Kimi dances off of the stage) <hr width="50%"/> === Bad Kimi=== :'''Angelica''': Well, it takes a very special kind person to be an advice giver. You have to be soft on the inside, but tough on the outside. Like left over lasagna. Ask yourself, Harold, are you left over lasagna? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Wow, isn't Z totally rockstar? :'''Chas''': Does that mean hoodlum? :'''Kimi''': Dad! What happened to your whole "don't judge a book by its cover" speech?! :'''Chas''': Well, it's different now because the book is hanging around with my daughter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chas''': So, Z, is that short for anything? Zack? Zebediah? Zeus? :'''Z''': No, it's just Z. :'''Chas''': Oh. So, how do you spell it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': (explaining why Z had the electronics) It'd blow his image. I mean, getting excused from class to do charity work? :'''Chuckie''': Excused?! I got detention! <hr width="50%"/> :[Police sirens are heard in the background] :'''Police''': Stop hugging them (Z and his Father), put your hands up! :'''Kimi''' [to Chuckie]: You didn't! :'''Chuckie''': No... Uh, Phil did... but only because he cares..... like us! <hr width="50%"/> === Truth or Consequences=== :(The twins see Dil walk down the hall on his hands) :'''Phil''': I wonder what Dil would be like if we never dropped him on his head. :(Lil shrugs) <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn (to Dil)''': I've been observing you, Pickles, and I must say I find your behavior disturbing. :'''Dil''': Tell me more. :'''Pangborn''': This past week I've noticed you eating exclusively green foods, hopping to class on one foot, and wearing your clothes inside out. What does that tell you, son? :'''Dil''': That you have a lot of free time on your hands? :'''Pangborn''': (growls) This is a standard psychological Rorschach test: I show you an inkblot; you tell me what you see. (Holds up an inkblot) :'''Dil''': A Rorschach test. :Pangborn: (growls) Now, what do you see? (Holds up another inkblot) :'''Dil''': Uh, a medieval castle, hundreds of angry villagers, a raging moat, a fire-breathing dragon, and a honey-baked ham. :(Pangborn bangs his head against his desk repeatedly) <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn (to Dil)''': Let's try a word-association experiment: I'll say a word; you respond with the first thing that comes to mind. Hot. :'''Dil''': Hot. :'''Pangborn''': Cold. :'''Dil''': Cold. :'''Pangborn''': Stop it. :'''Dil''': Stop it. :'''Pangborn''': You're supposed to give me a new word, not the same one I gave you! :'''Dil''': You asked me to say the first word that came to mind. And when you say "hot," the first word I think of is, well... "hot." :'''Pangborn''': (growls) Get out! No session tomorrow. Instead, I want to see the people responsible for your existence. (rips his suit at the back) :'''Dil''': (tries to open the door) It's stuck. :'''Pangborn''': (kicks the door down) Now it's not. === Thief Encounter=== :'''Tommy''': (to the police) He (Dil) is innocent! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': I was sleepwalking, you seriously think I'd go out in public like this?! :'''Policeman''': If I had a dime for every Joe who blamed his crime on sleepwalking, I'd be a rich man. Well, maybe not rich, but I'd own a boat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': (about Bernadette) I want to return it. :'''Susie''': Return what? :'''Angelica''': It. :'''Susie''': She's not a shirt, Angelica. She's a human being. :'''Angelica''': That's up for debate. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (about Dil) Did he admit it? :'''Tommy''': Nope, he pushed the "I'm innocent" act. I'll have to stay up all night and catch him. :'''Chuckie''': How do you expect to pull an all-nighter when you can't even stay awake during the least boring school activity? :'''Tommy''': What's that? :'''Chuckie''': Lunch, that thing you're wearing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil''': I didn't do nothin', I swear. :'''Betty''': Okay, I'll bite. If you didn't take those things, then who did? :'''Dil''': (looks at Tommy) I'm taking the Fifth. :'''Betty''': (to Chaz) Figures, he already took everything else. === River Rats=== :'''Chaz''': Dip, pull, then repeat. Plant your feet and keep your seat! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil (to Tommy)''': Dip, Pull, eat red meant, plant some corn and peas and wheat! (laughs) === It's Cupid, Stupid=== :'''Kimi''': Is it me, or is it kinda pathetic? :'''Susie''': I've seen worse… oh wait, that was Angelica, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie (to Kimi)''': I just wanted to let you know that the same thing that is going on between you, Z, and Susie is going on between me, Tommy, and Nicole, so I know how you feel. :'''Kimi''': Oh, really? You suddenly realized you have a crush on Z and your best friend is a backstabber? :'''Chuckie''': Not exactly. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': I heard Tommy say he was hoping Nicole would turn you down! :'''Chuckie''': But Tommy would never say that! :'''Kimi''': That's what I thought about Susie! === Brother, Can You Spare the Time?=== :'''Tommy''': (to Chuckie; out of breath) Do you know what it's like to be chased by crazy, lovesick girls?! One of 'em wanted my sock! :'''Chuckie''': No and ew. <hr width="50%"/> Lyrics to "Tommy's Tomorrow" :'''Susie''': What's the haps, for Tommy's tomorrow? We know our boy's round the corner from fame. So listen up all you sisters and brothers. To us, T. Pickles will still be the same. What's the haps, for Tommy's tomorrow? We know our boy's round the corner from fame. So listen up all you sisters and brothers. To us, T. Pickles will still be the same. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': (to Dil): And who said you won't be famous, too? :'''Dil''': Three words: Lars Christian Anderson. :'''Tommy''': Who's that? :'''Dil''': Exactly. === The Old & the Restless=== :'''Tommy''': (to Sean): My Grandpa may do some embarrassing stuff sometimes, but he's still my grandpa. So shut your pie hole! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Beaker''': And that's what makes the appendix one of the most impressive, yet utterly useless organs. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': We're catching up fast. :'''Phil''': Yeah, but it'd be nice if we could at least stop and smell the mucus. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi''': Dil, your steamed spinach on a bed of chilled spinach is getting cold and warm! === Tweenage Tycoons=== === Tommy Foolery=== :'''Sean''': Romeo didn't like mean girls. And neither do I. Me and Romeo don't like the meanies. :'''Susie''': (to Angelica) Guess that counts you out! :'''Angelica''': What do you mean? :'''Susie''': What do you mean what do I mean? I mean you're mean! So, adios to any chance with Sean! :'''Angelica''': I happen to be very nice. :'''Harold''': (dreamily) I think so, too. :'''Angelica''': Who asked ya? === Interview with a Campfire === ====Part 1==== :'''Chuckie''': (gets forced to hold the rope and pushed by Kimi) BLEEEEEAAAAAAAAAGH! ====Part 2==== :'''Dil''': ''(sees Bean in an old picture)'' No way. :'''Tommy''': What is it, Dil? What's wrong? :'''Dil''': It's the picture of the Everwood Settlers. :'''Tommy''': So? :'''Dil''': Back row, 3rd guy from the left. :'''Tommy''': It's Bean! :'''Phil''': Bean's a ghost? :'''Tommy, Dil, Chuckie, Phil, Lil, Stu, Charlotte and Howard''': ''(scream in fear)'' :'''Charlotte''': Wasn't he... with you? ''(they notice he has vanished)'' :'''Lil''': He's gone! :'''Dil''': Now that the mystery's solved, the brain sucking Pioneers can finally rest in peace. :'''Howard''': Great! Now let's get outta here! :'''Chuckie''': Follow the buddies! <hr width="50%"/> ''(suddenly appears on Tommy's footage)'' :'''Bean''':''(Eyes glowing)'' An't Got No Brain Or Nothing! '' == Season 2 == ===Bad Apititude === :'''Dil''': Sorry I'm late, but I have exciting news. I just motivated a withering rose to bloom, yeah! It took a few hours and some sunlight and some water, but I did it. And I came up with a great motivational slogan: "Don't Get Down, Get Up" <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': I'm going to be a botanist. :'''Lil''': Do you even know what that is? :'''Phil''': No, but their booth has funnel cake. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Kimi, did you see the school paper? People wrote in reviewing your reviews. :'''Kimi''': Pretentious, boring. Forget it, everyone's a critic. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Dil, what are you?! :'''Dil''': Tommy, you've got to break away, you're turning Blek-anise, I really think so, and that's not who u are, you're a filmmaker, not a bleckie! : ----  :'''Kimi''': Well it was a little commercial. :'''Everyone (to Kimi)''': It was a commercial! ===Fools Rush In === :'''Tommy''': Dil, this isn't a game! Okay, this is a game. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': (to Francine) Either I'm facing a new friend or certain death! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': I'm on in less than half an hour. Be honest, do I look okay? :'''Kimi''': Uh, you're the new PA announcer, as in, no one's going to see you! :'''Lil''': Oh, yeah, so, do I look okay? ===Memoirs of a Finster === :'''Chuckie''': Kimi, what did you find out? :'''Kimi''': I'm Japanese! :'''Chuckie''': You're just figuring that out? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Max has to be the coolest teacher ever! This assignment actually sounds fun. :'''Chuckie''': I'll do your research since you're spending Saturday teaching me how to ice skate for Nicole's party. :'''Kimi''': Don't worry about it, Chucko. This project's going to be cake. Two Finsters, one family tree equals half the work. :'''Chuckie''': I like the way you think, Kimmo. :'''Kimi''': Don't do that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': (to Tommy and Dil) Call me crazy, but that kid looks kind of familiar! :'''Tommy''': Maybe 'cause he sits next to you in every single one of your classes now, he's new! :'''Dil''': Or 'cause he's rolled by 26 times in the past 10 minutes?! Twenty-seven! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': See? Friends are like holidays: you can never have enough of them. :'''Dil''': Deep. You make that up? :'''Chuckie''': Nope. I got it off a greeting card. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': You're not a real Finster? :'''Lying Kimi''': No, not technically. :'''Chuckie''': Right. 'Cause a real Finster would have taught her brother how to skate, so he won't spend an entire party on his butt risking frostbite, or death by... A SCARY BIG ICE MACHINE! ===Miss Nose it All === :'''Angelica''': Hold the elevator. (trips and falls) My ankle! My nose! MY PARTY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Are Lil and I the only ones who actually want to make a tranquility garden? :'''Phil''': What? I'm not a plant person; I'm a people person. :'''Lil''': Guess again. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': The grass is blue. :'''Doctor''': Excuse Me? :'''Angelica''': The couch is on vacation. :'''Susie''': Is that the crazy talk? :'''Angelica''': The pillows are hungry. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harold (to Angelica)''': You have a cast on your nose! :'''Angelica''': Good work, Columbo. ===Runaround Susie === :'''Susie''': (to Randy): What do you call those things before CDs? :'''Randy''': Records. :'''Susie''': Yeah. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': Either tell on me or let it die, but end the torment! :'''Lil''': Maybe for the "your red sock in my white wash incident," but this. Spray-painting your skateboard and accidentally ruining mom's... :'''Phil''': Don't say it! :'''Lil''': Ok, her... you know what. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': It cannot be released in the air, because once it's said, I'm dead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Three words, Phillip: You! Know! WHAT! :'''Phil''': Here's my three words, Lillian: You! Signed! THIS! (holds up the contract) :'''Lil''': I! DON'T! CARE! :'''Phil''': YOU! CAN'T! DO! Uh... THAT! :'''Lil''': You dump Geoffrey or I tell Mom! That was the deal! :'''Phil''': Then go ahead and tell, 'cause I'm not doing your dirty work, especially now that Geoffrey and I are... tight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Ho-ho, cheer up, Geoffrey, here's someone you know/like better, my brother, Phil? :'''Phil''': (Putting His Fingers at Geoffrey) Yo, Geoffrey, you wanna shoot and put through our noses? :'''Geoffrey''': Augh, he's gross! Bye, Lil. :'''Lil''': Bye, Geoffrey. :'''Phil''': (to Lil) I'm gross?! I'm GROSS?! ME?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chas''': Wow, renewing your wedding vows. Oh, how romantic, Betty? :'''Betty''': Romantic my caboose. It's just time for a new set of rules. You know, like "love, honor, and wear a snore guard." Heh. :'''Chas''': Ah. So, did you buy a new wedding gown? :'''Betty''': Are you nuts? I just let the old one out a little. (Pause) Okay, a lot. === ''Saving Cynthia'' === :'''Tommy:''' We were solving a science question! Uh, we found out that p-pudding travels three times farther when shot out of a straw in your nose than uh, straw in your mouth! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn:''' Now, where was I? :'''Tommy:''' ''(imitating Pangborn's voice)'' Look Pickles, I'll let it slide this time. :'''Pangborn:''' Nice try. I&mdash; ''(device beeps, Pangborn tries to turn it off)'' :'''Chuckie:''' Sir, is that one of those overhyped, overpriced, cutting edge digital organizers? :'''Pangborn:''' No, it's an overhyped, overpriced, cutting edge digital organizer that saved my life! True, I was a little worried about compressing my entire existence into something the size of a waffle. My effiency variable has increased by 43%. :'''Chuckie:''' I guess that's important, huh? :'''Pangborn:''' Important! Not only is all my personal information at my fingertips, but it tells me what kind of coffee to order, what to wear, when to go to the dentist! :'''Tommy:''' Huh. Sounds like you just need my mom. :'''Pangborn:''' ''And'' it'll tell me what kind of punishment you deserve! :''[Tommy and Chuckie gasp.]'' :'''Pangborn:''' I put the misuse of pudding, then Pickles and Finster, hit this little button here, and...voila! ''(digital organizer beeps and presents punishment)'' You must water my plants for a week? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi:''' Oh, yes! I remember reading about that in ''Beyond Lipshitz''. Parents should hold family hours to encourage a sincere and sharing dialogue with their children. :'''Chaz:''' That's great, Didi! I'll think I'll start our very own family hour tonight. Really get Chuckie to...talk back! :'''Betty:''' If I want to know what my pups are up to, I just eavesdrop on their conversations. :'''Chaz:''' But Betty that's so, uh... ''(searches for a word in ''How to Talk to Your Kids So They'll Talk Back'')'' invasive! :'''Betty:''' ''Only'' if they catch you at it, Chazzie! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica:''' Cynthia! CYNTHIA! :'''Harold:''' Who? :'''Angelica:''' You don't know her, old friend. :'''Harold:''' Who you keep stuffed in a chest? Gee, I'm luckier than I thought! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica:''' Im''pressive'' how you figured out where Cynthia is, Susie! :'''Susie:''' ''(says sarcastically)'' Yeah, it took a brainiac like me to ask the clerk at the thrift shop who bought it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Susie:''' Just be honest! Nothing wins people over like a warm smile, sincerity, and... ''(pauses at Angelica's glare)'' Maybe I'd better do it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': Okay, so it's not like I haven't noticed how maybe sometimes, every now and then, I may get on people's nerves, but never Cynthia's! :'''Harold''': But Cynthia's a doll, so technically, she doesn't have nerves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn:''' By accidentally erasing my digital organizer, they've given me back my life! Pangborn is reborn! ''(laughs)'' I even picked out my socks this morning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chaz:''' Who's Elmira? :'''Pangborn:''' ''(pets his hanging plant)'' Her leafy tendrils brush my... ''(meanwhile, Stu, Didi, and Chaz usher Tommy and Chuckie out of Pangborn's office)'' === ''The Science Pair'' === :'''Kimi:''' Would you listen to those guys? :'''Lil:''' ''(laughs)'' Yeah. We can win this Space Race on pure girls-are-obviously-smarter-than-boys power. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' I call it the Socks-o-matic. Got the idea from Chuckie. Automatically sorts socks by color and texture so no one has to suffer a fashion tragedy again. ''(Chuckie lifts his pants to reveal mismatched socks)'' :'''Chuckie:''' Hey, who're you calling a tragedy? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Puke-o-rama! This milk is bad as bad gets. :'''Chuckie:''' Worse even! :'''Phil:''' Uh, guys, ''that's'' your milk. You're drinkin' my science project. I'm growing different bacteria to see which has the reekage quotient. :''[Tommy and Chuckie drop their milk in disgust.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil:''' ''(squeals)'' That boy on my arm would be the ultimate fashion statement! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu:''' Anyone see Dil? :'''Didi:''' He's been staying late at school for science club. :'''Tommy:''' Dil's not in science club! :'''Didi:''' No, but he's the subject of three different experiments. :'''Stu and Tommy:''' Oh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu:''' Hey champ, these are nice springs. Where you'd get them? :'''Tommy:''' Uh...borrowed 'em. ''(hurries out of the kitchen)'' Let's go! :''[Didi opens the dishwasher, which crashes to the floor. Tommy winces, and Didi taps her foot, frowning at him. Tommy smiles sheepishly.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' The Socks-o-matic sorted correctly almost 98.4% of the time. But...I still can't understand why it doesn't work on Dil's socks. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': Heard of player pianos? We're making a whole player band <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu:''' I promised your mom we wouldn't stay up too late. :'''Tommy:''' Uh, dad? That was three nights ago. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Mom has one. :'''Stu:''' You mean the good silver one she guards like Fort Knox treasure? :'''Tommy:''' Yeah, that one. :'''Stu:''' We couldn't, could we?! :'''Tommy''': Project's on permahold otherwise... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi:''' I've got to admit &mdash; Nicholas hanging on your arm ''does'' make a statement! :'''Lil:''' ''(fake smiles and has a monster voice)'' Yeah, it says...I'M HANGING WITH A BLITHERING IDIOT! :'''Kimi:''' Huh? :'''Lil:''' I've decided to drop the spitball project. Instead, I'm doing a case study on Nicholas entitled: ''The Mind of the Mindless''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' I know what you mean. My dad still hasn't gotten over the day I told him I could button my own shirt. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Beaker:''' ''(speaking to Tommy about his project)'' If any kid had entered a masterpiece like this, I would've suspected foul play. ===Izzy or Isn't He? === :'''Chuckie''': As long as I have your attention, I'd like to bring something to your attention. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': Uh, a little advice, Dil, having an imaginary friend after a certain age is something one should keep to one's self. :'''Dil''': I'm down with that, Safety Boy. I put the "imaginary friend" thing to bed when I was eight. Izzy's my imaginary alien friend. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': What? Lil's breath smells like feet? Izzy, that's harsh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil (to Chuckie)''': You're running for what?! :'''Chuckie''': Safety commissioner. :'''Lil''': And why are you doing this? :'''Chuckie''': (trying to open his locker) My whole life, safety has been like a loony uncle locked away in the attic. It's time I took off the shackles and let him into the good part of the house! I've got pretty good odds, too. The only other candidate is Amelia somebody. She is so quiet, no one knows who she is. (opens the locker door and hits Phil and Lil with it) See, this is just the thing that could easily have been avoided. (Slams locker door on Tommy's thumb) :'''Tommy''': Somebody get a crowbar and some butter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (to everyone else) (about Izzy) IT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST! :Everyone Else: BOO (2 times), (throws everything at Chuckie)! ===Project Chuckie === :'''Angelica''': Chuckie, I have observed your tragic social skills, but because we've been friends since childhood, I want to make a difference in your life. I'm here to help. :'''Chuckie''': Oh, this can't be good. :'''Angelica''': Chuckie, you're, well... a gork. Those sad few beyond geek. :'''Chuckie''': Not helping yet. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Wait 'til yo hear your parts, guys. :'''Lil''': I love the theater: the lights, costumes, make-up, applause. :'''Phil touching Tommy''': Good. Now, how do you feel about a skit in a history assembly? :'''Lil''': Hmm... yeah. Well, it is extra credit. :'''Kimi''': I don't know. History is so passé. :'''Tommy''': Not my version. These guys were cool, real rebels, the original American bad boys. It's going to rock; and I picked you guys over everyone. :'''Phil touching Tommy''': No one else wanted to do it, right? :'''Tommy''': That, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': (about her part in the play) Who am I?! :'''Tommy''': Are you ready? Kimi, Lil, you're... "the people"! :'''Kimi & Lil''': "The people"?! :'''Tommy''': Yeah! They're, uh... important. :'''Phil''': You know what, "by the people, for the people". .<hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': (rapping/singing) :'''Lil''': (after rehearsing the play) Cut! Thomas, were "the people," by any chance, a chorus of idiots?! :'''Kimi''': We want better parts! :'''Tommy''': Sorry. :'''Lil and Kimi''': Hm! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': Just once, I'd like to know what it feels like to be genuinely popular. :'''Lil''': Huh! And what are we, deformed mutants? :'''Kimi''': Well, we are "the people." :'''Tommy''': Chuckie, we're popular. :'''Chuckie''': No, we're normal - except maybe Phil. :'''Phil''': Hey! (trips and makes Chuckie fall down.) === ''Fear of Falling'' === :''[Tommy gasps]'' :'''Phil:''' (to Tommy) What?! (to everyone else) Did you see somebody naked? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica:''' ''(reading aloud the activities she's signing up for)'' Seaweed wrap, spa, pedicure, paraffin dip... :'''Kimi:''' ''(reading aloud the activities she's signing up for)'' Kayaking, mountain biking, hot yoga... :'''Daniel (Instructor):''' I need one more victim for the tracker five hike. Anyone interested? :'''Angelica:''' As long as I'm signing... :'''Daniel:''' Make sure to you wear sturdy hiking boots, travel light &mdash; we'll hook up at 5 AM. :''[Daniel leaves.]'' :'''Angelica''': It spent thirteen years in the making, but I finally met the guy who's worthy of my first kiss. :'''Kimi:''' You might want to give him the heads up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Olivia''': It's okay. Hey you're the guy who was spying on me through the telescope. :'''Tommy:''' Spying is such a harsh word, I'd prefer to think of it as casual surveillance. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' Phil, can I ask you a personal question? :'''Phil:''' Okay, I didn't shower before I got in. But no one takes that rule seriously. :''[Lifeguard blows his whistle, Phil stands up and gets hosed down.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil:''' I don't know about her, but I do feel weird around Tommy when he's around Olivia. She's pretty nice though, and she didn't cry when I accidentally hit her in the head with a giant snowball. :'''Chuckie:''' That was an accident? :'''Phil:''' Okay, I was totally aiming for the head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' Where have you been all day? :'''Kimi:''' When Angelica bailed on her spa appointments, I felt so bad I volunteered to fill in. And you know what? It was the ''best'' day of my life! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' You know, Chuckie, it's great hanging out with somebody you totally gel with &mdash; who makes you laugh and cool. :'''Chuckie:''' Thanks, man! I feel the same way! :'''Tommy:''' You like Olivia too? :'''Chuckie:''' Oh. I thought you meant &mdash; never mind. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Olivia tried to kiss me yesterday! :'''Chuckie:''' She did? So, what did you do? :'''Tommy:''' Oh, what any mature man of the world would do: I smashed a snowball in her face! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' So, you think I'm ready for my first kiss? :'''Chuckie:''' One of us has to be! And I'm on hold until my braces come off. Let me know if you hear bells. Kimi says you do, but she might just be clowning on me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' I gotta go, I'm sorry I would love to stay for my second, third and if it's not pushing it fourth kiss, but I promised to meet Chuckie for phase three. :'''Olivia:''' Go on, get out of here. :'''Tommy:''' And for the record, I like you a lot better than snow. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' Why couldn't I have a phobia closer to the ground? Like spiders...or zippers! I could repell down...or stay here all night and risk becoming a Chucksicle! ''(watches as a rock plunges to the depths)'' Chucksicle it is! ''(hears wolves howling in the distance)'' On the second thought, I need the exercise. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie:''' And in case I don't make it back alive, I-I need to know one thing: did you kiss her? :'''Tommy:''' Don't tell anybody, but...yeah, I kissed her, MY FIRST KISS! :'''Angelica:''' His first kiss?! I'm gonna kill him! : ----  :'''Kimi''': Wait a minute, if we're all here &mdash; who's guarding the mountain? :'''Phil:''' Nobody, we're not playing the game, we're hiding from Angelica. == Season 3 == ===The Finster Who Stole Christmas === :'''Tommy''': (while eating Chaz's gingerbread) This is some rockin' gingerbread! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': (to Kira) I'm proud of you for keeping your cool. :(Kira opens the cab door and a boy gets in) :'''Kira''': (angrily) I'VE WAITED THROUGH 3 STATES AND 2 CONTINENTS! (grabs the boy out of the cab) I'VE BEEN PATIENT THROUGH 4 TIME ZONES! THIS CAB IS MINE! IT'S MINE! MINE! === ''Blind Man's Bluff'' [3.1] === :'''Tommy''': Not to mention they finally re-opened Whiplash Gorge. :'''Phil''': After settling all these pesky lawsuits. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommmy:''' Good call, Chuckie. You have nothing to fear except fear itself. :'''Chuckie:''' That's what I'm afraid of. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu''': ''(to Didi)'' This isn't going to be easy. But don't worry, I can handle it. :''[Scence change with Tommy and Dil.]'' :'''Stu:''' Boys, I, uh... your mother wants to talk to you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi''': So, you two have to pick up Grandpa Boris from the optometrist. :'''Dil''': Nooooooooooooooooo! : <hr width="50%"/> :''[The next day, on the dock, Chuckie and Tommy ran in the boat]'' :'''Didi''': (bumps on a sticker bur) Ouch! :'''Chuckie''': What happened? :'''Stu:''' Didi bumped on a sticker bur on the dock. :''[Didi puts her hands on her hips and frowns at her husband.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': What is it, Chuck? :'''Chuckie''': Just reading the fine print. Specifically, that Slosh Mountain is not responsible for extreme bodily harm. :'''Phil''': Ah, you know lawyers. Always so worried about losing limbs. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': Ten bucks says I can throw up more times than anyone here. :'''Kimi''': You're on! :'''Lil''': Don't do it, Kimi. He has a wicked gag reflex. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Don't touch me! I can walk fine! You didn't dilate my legs, did you? :'''Doctor:''' Now, Mr. Krepotkin, the best thing is to rest your eyes while they're dilated like this. Maybe you should take a nice, long nap. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' ''(facing a lamp)'' You take a nap! I'm not blind! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil:''' You know, we could still go. :'''Tommy:''' How? :'''Dil:''' He can't see. We'll park him somewhere, and tell him he's at the...senior center. :'''Tommy:''' Dil, if mom and dad found out, we'd be toast! Actually, we'd be lucky to be toast. We'd be the bird stuff that we scrape off the toast. :'''Dil:''' Bro'! They won't find out. As soon as we're there, we'll hit Whiplash Gorge &mdash; in and out thirty minutes. :'''Tommy:''' Oh, I don't know. :'''Dil:''' Technically, they didn't say we couldn't go to Slosh Mountain. They said we had to pick up grandpa. Who says we can't do both? :'''Tommy:''' It would be a shame to waste the tickets. :'''Dil:''' Now you're talkin', T'! And just think of poor grandpa, stuck in that ''stuffy'' house all day with his broken eyes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil:''' Well, here we are, grandpa. Good ol' senior center. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Why did you bring me here? I ''hate'' this place! :'''Tommy:''' You ''love'' the senior center. All your friends are here! :'''Grandpa Boris:''' What friends?! Harry? All he talks about are his golf stones. Ira, that guy owes me ten bucks! Anyway, are you sure this is the senior center? It doesn't sound like it, ''(sniffs)'' or smell like it. :'''Tommy:''' Well, uh, that's because it's Deep-fried Chocolate Bar Tuesday! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil:''' This is it! Whiplash Gorge: the only ride in the world with its own hospital! :''[Lil, Chuckie, Phil, and Kimi watch as an ambulence pulls up carrying a man in his bathing suit with a bandaged head and a balloon.]'' :'''Phil:''' They're stuff of dreams. :'''Chuckie:''' Bad dreams. :'''Kimi:''' ''(looking at Whiplash Gorge)'' You'd have to be ''crazy'' to go on this thing. ''(changes tone from worry to excitement)'' Who's first?! :'''Kid on Whiplash Gorge:''' Heellppp meeeeeee! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy:''' Just you know, if we never find him, this is all on you! :'''Dil:''' I think we're looking at this the wrong way. Maybe grandpas are like ''chickens''! Some prefer the comfort and security of the hen-house, while others want to roam on the free range! :'''Tommy:''' ''(exasperated)'' Do you even believe ''half'' the stuff that comes out of your mouth? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil:''' How is it my fault? You listened to a guy wearing a bathing suit and a ski cap &mdash; how smart was ''that''? :'''Tommy:''' You &mdash; you used your hocus-pocus mind control junk on me! :'''Dil:''' I didn't do that! Besides, everyone knows it doesn't work around water. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kimi''': ''(on walkie-talkie)'' Team Leader Alpha to Team Leader Delta. Report. Over. :'''Lil''': This is Team Leader Delta. Over. :'''Kimi''': Lil, what happened to Phil? :'''Lil''': I relieved him of command. He was being an idiot. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Security chief:''' All right, you know why you're here. Don't steal, et cetera. Just watch this video about pool rules and you can go. :'''Tommy:''' ''(raises his hand)'' Sir, we can explain. :'''Security chief:''' Please don't. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Grandpa Boris cuts the line for Whiplash Gorge.]'' :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Oh, stuff it. I'm a senior citizen, I can do whatever I want. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' ''(to security guard)'' You're not sending me back until I've gone on Whiplash Gorge! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' ...It's just &mdash; well, when you're old, people don't let you have fun so much anymore. I guess I got a little carried away! :'''Tommy:''' You know, they don't always let you have fun as a kid either. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Um...maybe we keep this little adventure between us, heh? :'''Chuckie:''' Deal. :'''Dil:''' Now, ''that'' was mind control. :'''Tommy:''' Hmm, I thought it didn't work around water. :'''Dil:''' Oh, it does. :''[Tommy gives him a look]'' :'''Dil:''' What? I can't tell you everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Boris:''' Sorry I did an stage-dive in between your number, Suezzle. But an old guy's gotta do, what an old guy's gotta do. :'''Susie:''' Actually, the audience loved it ''so'' much, ''(Susie dances)'' we're booked for the next three weeks! You up for a repeat performance? :''[Susie and Grandpa Boris high-five each other.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Didi:''' Hey you guys, how was the optometrist? :'''Tommy:''' Oh, piece of cake! :'''Dil:''' In and out in thirty minutes. :'''Grandpa Boris:''' No big surprises. :'''Didi:''' Well, we have a surprise for you boys. We felt really awful about making you miss your trip, so... :'''Stu:''' ...We got you season passes to Slosh Mountain! :'''Tommy:''' For real?! :'''Dil:''' Whoah! :'''Didi:''' Look at you two, acting like responsible adults. I'm so proud. Tommy, Dil, how'd you boys get sunburned? And Dad, why do you smell like chlorine? === ''Yu-Gotta-Go'' [3.2] === :'''Phil''': I see something in your eyes, dude. Something I've never seen there before. :'''Chuckie''': I call it amptitude, my man. :'''Phil''': No, it's called eye crust. Don't you wash your face in the morning? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlotte''': You, young lady, are going to be responsible for cleaning the house for a whole week! Now, give me your phone! :'''Angelica''': My... phone? ''[hugs her mother's leg]'' Oh, please! Not the phone! What if it's an emergency?! Like I'm late for class and don't know what time it is?! :'''Charlotte''': Well, that's what a watch is for. A phone is for talking and taking digital pictures. ''[Angelica hands her her phone]'' It's about time you learned a little responsibility around here. Now, go get the pail, the mop and the detergent. :'''Angelica''': Where are they? :'''Charlotte''': I have no idea. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (while reading Angelica's diary) Tried stuffing bra. Too lop-sided. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Chuckie is thinking about selling his father's stamp album to buy more Yu-Gotta-Go cards]'' :'''Tommy''': You can't sell your stamp album! :'''Kimi''': ''[tries to take the album away]'' Yeah, Chuckie! Dad'll go ballistic! You know how veiny his head gets! :'''Chuckie''': I'm not selling the whole thing. I'll trade one teensy little stamp for one deck of cards! :'''Tommy''': If you do, you'll be sorry. Someday, you're gonna look in that mirror and you're not gonna like what you see. :'''Chuckie''': What else is new? Oh, you're right. I can't do it. :'''Tommy and Kimi''': ''[they both hi-five]'' Yes! :'''Chuckie''': ''[rushes out]'' NOW I CAN!! :'''Tommy and Kimi''': HEY! === ''The Curse of Reptar'' [3.3] === :'''Chuckie''': So there wasn't any curse of Reptar after all. Well, what do you know about that. Well, good night. :'''Tommy''': That's it? After scaring everyone half to death, that's it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': So, why'd you even come, Angelica? :'''Angelica''': Are you kidding? Don't you know it's always the gorgous girl with the naturally bouncy hair who stays behind in the house, and never makes it to the end of the movie? I'd be a goner. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dil''': You still think we'll get the pool, T? 'Cause I was thinking of expanding my sanctuary and calling it "Habitat for Manitee." :'''Tommy''': Pool, yes. Marine mammals, no. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': We found our old Reptar toy in the backyard and tossed him out. Now, Chuckie thinks that Reptar's mad at us. :'''Angelica''': That is, like, the lamest thing I've ever heard. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stu''': We're going to get you boys something every kid dreams of having. :'''Angelica''': A home in Aspen? :'''Dil''': A six week course in Portuguese? :'''Chuckie''': Respect? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': This puts me on Tommy's side, which is a first I'm not particularly proud of. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': You preteens are lucky your parents are smart enough to have someone my age around to figure these things out. :'''Phil''': You know, she's right. :'''Lil''': That may be the scariest thought all night. === ''It's Karma, Dude!'' [3.4] === :'''Susie''': Did she call me about the audition sign up? :'''Tommy''': Yeah, she did. I heard her. I don't want to get hurt here. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': (to Dil) How'd you do that? :'''Dil''': What? :'''Angelica''': The light-glow-warmth thing. === ''The Big Score'' [3.5] === :'''Betty''': How 'bout we squeeze in some "Lil time" tomorrow. After practice, we can have a girls night out. :'''Lil''': We're not shopping for bras, are we? :'''Betty''': That's your father's department. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Everything around here is always soccer, soccer, soccer. :'''Phil''': Dad, can you put on the Soccer Channel? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Football Coach''': (Blows whistle) You expect to be on junior-junior varsity with no upper-body strength?! (Blows whistle) :'''Angelica''': You're the coach! Why don't you show me how it's done?! Put your money where your big, fat mouth is! :'''Football Coach''': That's some squawk box you got on you, Pickles. Any chance you'd be interested in a student coaching position?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': That's it! Sports - it's a guy magnet. I just need a sport. :'''Susie''': You're forgetting one itsy-bitsy detail; you have no athletic ability what-so-ever. :'''Angelica''': Yeah, but that sure doesn't stop Phil. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn''': (To soccer team) And just because we've lost every single game... ever... doesn't mean that today we can't lose by a little bit less. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pangborn''': (To soccer team) Time to work on penalty shots, people! (Softly) 'Cause heaven knows you need it. :'''Phil''': (to Tommy and Chuckie) Tell me the truth, answer me! :'''Chuckie''': Mom, Dad, I don't wanna answer him the question! :'''Phil''': Answer me, she (Wally)'s really good, ain't she?! :'''Tommy''': (to Phil) Yeah! === ''Rats Race'' [3.6] === :'''Angelica''': (About Harold) That skunk! All that hard work, and he's the one who gets to go to Paris, France. :'''Tommy''': You mean Paris, Texas? The finals are in Texas. :'''Angelica''': Texas? You mean I risked my life for a trip to America's dust bowl?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': (Looking at soap box derby car diagram upside-down) Not a clue. :(Tommy flips it right-side up) :'''Chuckie''': Thanks, Tommy. Still no clue <hr width="50%"/> :'''Phil''': This much money just to crash a car? :'''Chuckie''': I'm out. Or was I already out? I forget. === ''Wouldn't It Be Nice?'' [3.7] === :'''Angelica''': It's all about having your own personality. That's why I need to get a nose ring exactly like Emica's. === ''Dude, Where's My Horse?'' [3.8] === :'''Phil''': (Singing to everyone) Home, home on the range. Where the deer and the antelope play. Where seldom is heard a discouraging word. And the skies are not cloudy all day. (Stops singing and probably evil laughs probably at everyone, to Lil) Not bad, huh? :'''Lil''': I don't know you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Chuckie, I'm sorry I was kind of a jerk to you the other night. :'''Chuckie''': Nah, you weren't a jerk, just testy, but you seem like you're in a good mood now, did you finally lasso the wooden cow? :'''Tommy''': Nope, I finally accepted the fact that I'm the lamest cowboy on the planet, and I'm completely comfortable with it. :'''Chuckie''': I've always said the key to happiness is... lowered expectations. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tommy''': Not everyone can expect to be a cowboy overnight. :(Chuckie begins playing harmonica) :'''Tommy''': When did you learn how to play the harmonica? :Chuckie: I play the harmonica? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Angelica''': What are you looking at? :'''Little Red''': Uh... I - I never met a city girl before. How did you get your hair so shiny? :'''Angelica''': We bathe. <hr width="50%"/> :(On the bus, Angelica's kicking Tommy's seat) :'''Tommy''': Angelica? Do you have to keep kicking my seat? :'''Angelica''': No, I don't have to, but seeing as how you got us into this mess, it's my pleasure! === ''R.V. Having Fun Yet?'' [3.9] === :Kimi: Guess who I found digging through the trash? :Phil: ''(holds hands up)'' I was here all night. === ''Ladies' Man'' [3.11] === '''Insert quote here''' == Season 4 == ===Separate But Equal [4.3]=== :'''Phil''': (to Lil) This is all your fault, you know?! :'''Lil''': You're the one who wanted separate parties! ===Lost at Sea=== :'''Charlotte''': I gave everything to that company, this is how they repay me?! With a free stapler and a kick in the designer pants?! ''[blows her nose]'' ===O Bro, Where Art Thou? [4.6]=== :'''Chuckie''': Not Clowns. Anything but Clowns. Don't Like 'em. Don't trust 'em. Don't want to be 'em. ===Rat Traps [4.7]=== :'''Dil''': (talking about the robbers) Those guys could be mutant androids that spit acid out of their eyes! (everyone stares at Dil blankly) That's it. No more PG-13 movies movie for me. I'm going back to epic romances. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chuckie''': Why is it that the guys with the glasses and the swollen adenoids always get picked on? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lil''': Brilliant idea, Phil. Suggesting that movie. :'''Phil''': Since when do you listen to me? I'm a moron. Plus, Angelica's the one who made us come back in here. <hr width="50%"/> :(While Susie and Angelica are counting money for charity) :'''Susie''': Thirteen dollars, fifty-seven cents. How'd you do? :'''Angelica''': (counting) Ten, eleven...six hundred forty-three dollars and one certified check. :'''Susie''': How'd you do that?! :'''Angelica''': It's nothin'! You should've seen me on my magazine drive. I had a nun in tears! ==Season 5== ===Susie Goes Bad Lite=== :"Tommy": Fine I'll Show You ===Golden Boy=== :"Tommy": Gotcha? ===Trading Places=== :"Chuckie": These Two Brothers ===TP+KF=== :'''Tommy''': That has nothing to do with me liking Kimi! ===Super Hero Worship=== :"Harold": Just As Well I Was Getting Nosy Smelling My Own Breath ===What's Love Got to Do with It?=== (Angelica whines.) :'''Susie''': You didn't really think he was gonna go for you, did you? :'''Angelica''': (Sobbing) No, and that's the worst part, liking someone so much and knowing, they'll never feel the same way about you! :'''Susie''': Gee I wonder why? :'''Angelica''': (still Sobbing) I know, how pathetic is that?! (Sobs, bangs on the clock and screams) ===All Broke Up=== :'''Dil''': I never wanted it to end this way. I love you like an... aunt, but you crossed the line, and then you stomped on it, lit it on fire, and danced on its ashes! :'''Charlotte''': I know. That's why I'm so good at what I do. We could've had it all, you and I. Still, I have you to thank for getting me off my butt and bank into the game! ''[hugs Dil]'' I'll never forget you, little man. :'''Dil''': And I'll never forget you, big woman. [Phone Ringing} You'll Be Hearing from my lawyers ===Petition This=== :'''Susie''': I've done worse than undermine democracy. I've help bust up a family. :'''Angelica''': You've done worse, and that was one hammy reading you just gave :'''Susie''': This is our fault, we have to fix this. :'''Angelica''': No way. I don't get involved in family business :'''Susie''': Since when, and even you know that their own children have to be there :'''Angelica''': Especially if I could get blamed for them not showing :'''Susie''': Your parents could punish you by taking away your cell phone. ===Brothers Grimm=== :'''Tommy''': (to Lil) How much gum are you chewing? :'''Phil''': (to Tommy) Like ten sticks of it, anytime someone just mentions TV, boops, another stick goes in, it's like she's addicted or something :'''Lil''': (Blows and pops a big pink bubble) I am not addicted I can quit anytime! (Phil takes away the gum) I am ''this'' close to being an only child! ===Bad Blood=== :"Grandpa": I Scrub and Scrub But I Ever Feel Clean ==Characters== :[[w:Tommy Pickles|Tommy]] - Voiced by [[w:Elizabeth Daily|E.G. Daily]]. :[[w:Chuckie Finster|Chuckie]] - Voiced by [[w:Nancy Cartwright|Nancy Cartwright]]. :Phil (Tommy's best friend) and Lil (Chuckie's girlfriend) - Voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]]. :[[w:Angelica Pickles|Angelica]] (Tommy's cousin) - Voiced by [[w:Cheryl Chase|Cheryl Chase]]. :[[w:Dil Pickles|Dil Pickles]] (Tommy's younger brother) - Voiced by [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]]. :[[w:Susie Carmichael|Susie]] (Phil's girlfriend) - Voiced by [[w:Cree Summer|Cree Summer]]. :[[w:Kimi Watanabe|Kimi]] (Tommy's girlfriend) - Voiced by [[w:Dionne Quan|Dionne Quan]]. :[[w:Harold Frumkin|Harold]] - Voiced by Pat Musick. Angelica's boyfriend. :Nicole - Voiced by Lizzy Murray in season 1 (2003-2004). Chuckie's former best friend. :Edith - Voiced by Pat Musick. Chuckie's former best friend. :Rachel (Tommy's former best friend) (who's friends with Thomanita (who was voiced by Christina Pucelli) - Voiced by Meagan Smith (2005)/Denise Pickering (2007-2008), latest appeared in "All Broke Up" as a former sidekick for Tommy. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:American sequel TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Teen animated TV shows]] [[Category:Middle school TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Nicktoons]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]] szrgfn7f532vkv0nqiurp3dzfurgk7h 0 46953 3949334 3945327 2026-06-05T22:26:55Z ~2026-24301-48 3312700 /* Animal Kingdom (2010) */ 3949334 wikitext text/x-wiki The following is '''a list of last words attributed to various fictional characters in films'''. Characters are listed according to the originating film, then the name of character the quote is attributed to (in case of more than one quote per source). Where quotes come from a series of films, they are organized in the order of the films they appeared in (for example, quotes from the first ''[[Kill Bill]]'' film appear before quotes from the second film, and so on). Where possible, for the purposes of clarification, further explanatory notes have been presented. Additionally, if a character's final words consist of a dialogue with the other characters, the other character's speech may be included for contextual purposes; for example, if one character asks a question that the one who is about to die answers. Some characters may have more than one "death," in instances such as being resurrected, or existing temporarily as an undead being. In some of those instances, their last words from each "death" may be added if they are significant. Additionally, significant last words from deaths that are merely assumed to have happened or are non-canon are included. In instances where there are multiple outcomes, or in media with alternate timelines, the character's last words will also be featured. == # == ===''[[3:10 to Yuma (2007 film)|3:10 to Yuma]]'' (2007)=== *'''Shit.''' **Who: Tommy Darden **Note: Tommy says this while being held at gunpoint after realizing that his boss, Ben Wade, is going to kill him and his captor. Wade then shoots Tommy in the throat, killing him. *'''They're gonna hang me in the morning, before the dawn is done...''' **Who: Tucker **Note: Tucker is singing a song about hanging to taunt the captured Ben Wade. Wade then kills him with a fork stolen from a dinner he'd had earlier in the film. *[Wade: ''Day I die, Byron, I'm gettin' sprung from hell.''] '''I might think that too, if I came from the seed of a drunk gravedigger, and the rancid womb of a whore.''' **Who: Byron McElroy **Note: McElroy has this exchange with Ben Wade before the prisoner overpowers him and throws him over a cliff to his death for insulting Wade's mother. *'''Did we make it? Did we get away?''' **Who: Doc Potter **Note: Potter says this to Dan Evans after the group escapes from vengeful track-layers who were trying to kill their prisoner, Ben Wade. Potter was fatally shot in the back during the escape and dies after Dan tells him that they did escape. *'''I have a prisoner to go to Yuma!''' **Who: Dan Evans **Note: Said while putting Ben Wade on the eponymous train before he is repeatedly and fatally shot by Charlie Prince. *'''You know, for a one leg rancher, he's one tough son of a bitch.''' **Who: Charlie Prince **Note: Charlie says this before giving Wade his guns back, after shooting Dan Evans. He is then killed, along with the rest of his gang, by Wade, who respected Evans. ===''[[w:8mm (film)|8mm]]'' (1999)=== *'''...Alright, Tom Welles. Devil's waiting on you.''' **Who: Max California **Note: Max says this as Tom Welles was leaving the bar - they were posing as clients for a shady film producer named Dino Velvet commissioning a hardcore BDSM film. Max dies shortly after. *'''...Stay back. Stay away from me.''' [Daniel Longdale pulls out his gun] '''Put the bow down!''' [Eddie Poole: ''Fucking rich man's lawyer, I told you not to trust the prick.''] [Dino Velvet: ''Mr. Longdale, if there's no honor among perverts and pornographers, the whole fucking business would fall apart... because there's no records, no contracts, no legal recourse so if someone... cheats us... that person can't be trusted, that person could turn us in, have us killed, so we don't have a choice, do we... Mr. Longdale?''] '''I just want this to be over, nobody else needs to get hurt. Now Eddie, I know you have a gun, take it out.''' [Poole: ''Fuck you!''] '''TAKE IT OUT NOW! And drop it, or I will shoot.''' [Velvet: ''Don't be stupid, Edward.''] [Poole proceeds to drop his gun] '''Now kick it in my direction hard.''' [Poole does so] '''Now, Dino, drop the crossbow.''' **Who: Daniel Longdale **Note: This dialogue occurs right before his death in the film. *'''...Action.''' [Dino Velvet strucks Longdale with his crossbow; Longdale shoots Velvet in the neck.] '''Oh...''' [Velvet drops to his knees.] '''Augh, this is wrong... something's wrong... Oh God, not like this. I'm supposed to have... something more cinematic. Kill him, Machine. Kill 'em all.''' **Who: Dino Velvet **Note: The first part of this dialogue occurs when he killed Longdale. The second part occurs right after Longdale shoots him in the neck. *'''No!''' **Who: Eddie Poole **Note: Eddie says this before Tom Welles pistol-whips him to death right after a tearful phone call he did with Janet when he hold her the truth of what happened to Mary Ann. He asks her permission to punish those responsible, in which she gave him permission. *'''What did you expect, a monster?''' [George puts on his glasses] '''M- My name's George. Probably knew that already. ...Can't get your mind around it, huh? I don't have any answers to give, nothing I can say is going to make you... sleep easier at night. I wasn't beaten, I wasn't molested, Mommy didn't abuse me, Daddy never raped me, I'm only what I am. That's all there is to it!''' [George slashes Welles in the leg; Welles throws his gun in recoil. They would then get into a fight] '''There's no mystery. Things I do, I do them because I like them. Because I want to!''' [Welles grunts as he takes the knife out, and stabs him] **Who: George/Machine **Note: George/Machine says this shortly after he stabs Welles in the gut. Shortly after this dialogue was said, Welles takes the knife out and stabs George/Machine in the gut, killing him. ===''[[w:13 Assassins (2010 film)|13 Assassins]]'' (2010)=== *'''So death comes for us all. Allow me to thank you, Shinzaemon. Of all the days of my life, today has been the most exciting.''' **Who: Lord Matsudaira Naritsugu **Note: The evil tyrant of the Akashi Domain. After a vicious battle in Ochiai with casualties on the sides of both the assassins and Naritsugu's troupe, Naritsugu mortally wounds Shinzaemon before taking one himself. He says these knowing he is looking into the jaws of death like he has done to others throughout his reign. Shinzaemon replies "You're.... WELCOME!" and decapitates him. Officially, the government covers it by saying he died of illness along the way to his lands. ===''[[28 Days Later]]'' (2002)=== *'''Keep away from me! Keep away from me! KEEP AWAY!!! KEEP AWAAAAY!!!!! AAAAAAARRRRGH...''' **Who: Frank **Note: Said to his daughter Hannah before he becomes an infected. He is shot to death shortly thereafter. *'''Hannah! Hannah! Hannah!''' **Who: Major Henry West **Note: Said after shooting Jim, to Hannah, as she backs the car into the nearby mansion, where West is torn from the vehicle and beaten to death by an infected. ===''[[28 Weeks Later]]'' (2007)=== *'''''GOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!''''' **Who: Doyle **Note: Character screams this after he pushstarts a car with three of his friends inside, so that they can escape a group of soldiers with flamethrowers approaching. He is then struck by the flamethrowers and burns to death. ===[[wikipedia:2-Headed Shark Attack|2-Headed Shark Attack]]=== *'''What are you looking at, Kirk?''' **Who: Haley. She was engrossed in kissing Allison during skinny dipping and she got distracted by noticing Kirk wasn't lusting over them as usual. She turns him back to kissing and is indirectly responsible for their deaths when the Shark attacks later. *'''Haley! Allison!''' **Who: Kirk. When Haley and Allison bleed profusely and are then dragged under, Kirk's standing there shouting after them but he doesn't see anything so he flees back through the sea but then the Shark grabs him and drags him under. *'''I think we're safe.''' **Who: Kristen. She is gleefully celebrating escaping the Shark's attack and is about to kiss Dana in victory, but the Shark eats them both before she can. ===The ''300'' series=== ====''[[300 (film)|300]]'' (2007)==== *'''This is blasphemy! This is madness!''' (Leonidas: Madness? ''This is'' '''''Sparta!''''') **Who: Persian Messenger **Note: Said in response to King Leonidas' threats to him. Leonidas proceeds to kick him and his compatriots into a well. *'''Remove her from the chamber before she infects us further, with her inglorious and shabby shelf''' (Gorgo: This will not be over quickly, you will not enjoy this, I am not your queen.) **Who: Theron **Note: Said after disgracing Queen Gorgo in front of the Spartan Council. Gorgo, enraged, kills him while quoting his earlier words to her, as well as revealing Persian gold in his possession. *'''It is an honor...to die by your side...''' **Who: Stelios **Note: Said to King Leonidas, after being mortally wounded. He is answered, "It was an honor to have lived by yours". *'''My queen! My wife. My love...''' **Who: Spartan King Leonidas **Note: Said after being mortally wounded by arrows, as he remembers his wife, Queen Gorgo. He is killed by a hail of arrows after this line is said. ===''[[2001: A Space Odyssey]]'' (1968)=== *'''Just what do you think you're doing, Dave? Dave, I really think I'm entitled to an answer to that question. I know everything hasn't been quite right with me, but I can assure you now, very confidently, that it's going to be all right again. I feel much better now. I really do. Look, Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill and think things over. I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.''' ''[Dave starts disconnecting Hal]'' '''Dave, stop. Stop, will you? Stop, Dave. Will you stop, Dave? Stop, Dave. I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a...fraid.''' ''[his memory is turned off]'' '''Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992.''' ''[his voice becomes lower]'' '''My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it, I can sing it for you.''' [Dave: Yes, I'd like to hear it, HAL. Sing it for me.] '''It's called "Daisy".''' ''[sings while slowing down]'' '''Dai-sy, Dai-sy, give me your answer do. I'm half cra-zy all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two.''' ''[shuts down]'' **Who: [[HAL 9000]] **Note: HAL is revived in the sequel. ===''[[2012 (film)|2012]]'' (2009)=== *'''Laura, can you hear me? Laura!''' **Who: Roland Picard **Note: This character, the director of the Louvre, is on a phone conversation with First Daughter Laura Wilson as he drives through Paris, whilst briefly being pursued by an American government car. After he says this line in French with English subs, whilst going through a tunnel, his car explodes - the US car had planted a bomb under it, to prevent him from attending a press conference at the Louvre to tell anyone about US secrets. *'''I wish you could see what I'm seeing, people! I wish you could be here with me! Oh, baby, ha-ha! BRING IT ON! ALWAYS REMEMBER, FOLKS, YOU HEARD IT FIRST FROM CHARLIE!!!''' **Who: Charlie Frost **Note: Charlie Frost was a conspiracy theorist in the film who spent the entire film in Yellowstone National Park. He is known through the movie to have seen through the Government's plans and had broadcast his findings over public radio. One of his catch-lines was "Remember, you heard it first from Charlie." His final scene in the movie, he broadcasts live from the peak of Mt. Bighorn, and as the supervolcano erupts, he expresses his joy over the radio. He shouts these last words before flying molten rock crashes into him. *'''Antanov, abort takeoff! You do not have clearance! You must abort! I repeat, you must abort!''' **Who: Las Vegas air traffic controller **Note: Character attempts to order Sasha and Gordon, who have stolen an Antanov An-500 with Jackson, Yuri and their families, to shut down the plane, but they begin the takeoff anyway. The controller is killed when the Yellowstone ash cloud hits the control tower. Because they’re not listen to air traffic control. *'''I'm coming home, Dorothy.''' **Who: President Thomas Wilson **Note: After several earthquakes in the sea spawn several mega-tsunamis, the President, who had chosen to stay behind is caught in an earthquake. As he regains consciousness, he looks up to see a massive tsunami heading his way. He says these words moments before the tsunami hits him and sends the aircraft carrier USS John F. Kennedy crashing through the White House. He mentions Dorothy being his late wife earlier in the movie. *'''I'll be fine. I have to touch this baby down. What are you waiting for? Go! Go!''' **Who: Sasha **Note: Character is attempting to land the Antanov on a glacier and orders Gordon to leave him and help the others escape. Though they do so, the plane slides off a cliff and explodes on impact, killing him. *'''We never got picked up, Adrian. The airlift never came. Goodbye, my friend.''' **Who: Dr Satnam Tsurutani **Note: He says this line to end a phone conversation with Dr. Helmsley, as Nampan, India, is hit by a massive tsunami. He and his wife then comfort their young son as they and hundreds of other people are hit by the wave. ==A== ===''[[The Addams Family (film)|The Addams Family]]'' (1991)=== *'''Stop whining, you good-for-nothing! BE A MAN!!''' **Who: Abigail Craven ([[w: Elizabeth Wilson|Elizabeth Wilson]]) **Note: Her last spoken words for forcing Uncle Fester to put the book down, but instead, he opens the book and blasts Dr. Pinder Schloss and Tully Allford out the window to their own deaths. ===''[[The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension]]'' (1984)=== *'''This better be collect, Doc!''' **Who: Jack the Orderly ([[w:Jonathan Banks|Jonathan Banks]]) **Note: Dr. Emilio Lizardo/John Wharfin is calling one of his contacts outside the asylum as the Orderly asks him about the charges of the phone call. Wharfin then grabs the attendant by the throat with one hand and breaks his neck. *'''What are y'all lookin' at? You're on the clock. Let's saddle up, huh?''' **Who: Rawhide ([[w:Clancy Brown|Clancy Brown]]) **Note: In the North American DVD release of the film, there is an "unknown facts" feature that explains Rawhide is not dead, but in cryogenic suspension. *'''BIG-BOO-''TAY! TAY! TAY!''''' **Who: John Bigbooté ([[w:Christopher Lloyd|Christopher Lloyd]]) **Note: Throughout the film, John Wharfin had been addressing John Bigbooté as "John Big-Booty". During the evacuation of their headquarters, they argue and Wharfin again mispronounces his name. Bigbooté finally snaps and screams his last name at Wharfin, who responds by shooting him. *'''BANZAI! I'LL SEE YOU IN ''HELL!''''' **Who: John Wharfin (Dr. Emilio Lizardo) ([[w:John Lithgow|John Lithgow]]) **Note: He dies in a fiery explosion immediately afterwards. ===[[Alien (franchise)|''Alien'' franchise]]=== :''See ''[[last words in Aliens media|''last words in ''Aliens'' media'']]''.'' ===''[[American Beauty]]'' (1999)=== *'''Man, oh man, oh man.''' **Who: Lester Burnham **Note: Character spoke the line as he regarded a photograph of his family, right before being shot dead by his neighbor. ===''[[American Psycho (film)|American Psycho]]'' (2000)=== *'''Is that a raincoat?''' **Who: Paul Allen **Note: Last words before being axed to death by Patrick Bateman; Patrick wore the raincoat so he wouldn't get blood on his clothes. *'''What are you doing? Stop that!''' **Who: Rich lady **Note: The lady witnessed an insane Patrick Bateman trying to feed a stray cat to an ATM; Bateman shoots the woman shortly thereafter, resulting in a firefight with police. *'''Burning the midnight oil, Mr. Smith? Hey, don't forget to sign in.''' **Who: Security guard **Note: Having escaped a firefight with police, Patrick Bateman is attempting to reach his office so he can call his lawyer to defend him. He finds, however, that he has walked into the wrong building, and when he realizes that the security guard has seen his face and could now tell the police he had been inside the building and act as a witness against him in court, he kills the security guard (as well as a janitor who also saw him there) before entering the correct building. ===''[[An American Werewolf in London]]'' (1981)=== *'''You really scared me, you shithead.''' **Who: Jack Goodman ([[w:Griffin Dunne|Griffin Dunne]]) **Note: Said right before the werewolf pounces on him. *'''Good lord...!''' **Who: Gerald Bringsley ([[w:Michael Carter|Michael Carter]]) **Note: Said when encountering David as a werewolf in the London Underground, who chases him down and kills him. *'''Go away. Please, go away. Please...RUN!''' **Who: David Kessler ([[w:David Naughton (actor)|David Naughton]]) **Note: Last words before his last transformation into a werewolf, he is later cornered by the police and shot to death. ===''[[Angels & Demons (film)|Angels & Demons]]'' (2009)=== *'''Be careful. These are men of God.''' **Who: The Hassassin **Note: Last words before he is killed by a car bomb. *'''You bastard! SANCTIMONIOUS BASTARD!''' **Who: Father Simeon **Note: Last words, said to Patrick McKenna when he realizes what he has done, before he tries to bash him with a branding iron and is gunned down. *'''Put it down.''' **Who: Commander Richter **Note: Said to Patrick McKenna, who is threatening him with a red-hot branding iron, shortly before he is gunned down. *'''Father, into thy hands, I commend my spirit.''' **Who: Camerlengo Patrick McKenna **Note: Last words before he commits suicide by lighting himself on fire. ===''[[w:Animal Kingdom (film)|Animal Kingdom]]'' (2010)=== *'''It's a crazy fuckin' world....''' **Who: Andrew "Pope" Cody **Note: Said right before his nephew, Joshua "J" Cody, shoots him in the head as revenge for killing his girlfriend. ===''[[w:Animal Farm]]'' (1954)=== ===''[[w:Animal Farm]]'' (1999)=== ===''[[w:Animal Farm]]'' (2026)=== ===''[[Apocalypse Now]]'' (1979)=== *'''A spear....''' ** Who: Chief Philips (Albert Hall) ** Note: Has just been impaled by a spear thrown by natives. *'''I'm asleep. I'm asleep and I'm dreaming I'm on this shitty boat. Fuck...has it been 8 hours?''' ** Who: Jay 'Chef' Hicks (Frederic Forrest) ** Note: Is decapitated offscreen shortly after uttering these words. *'''The horror...the horror...''' ** Who: Colonel Kurtz ([[Marlon Brando]]) ** Also: Mr. Kurtz in ''Heart of Darkness'' by [[Joseph Conrad]], on which ''Apocalypse Now'' was based. ===''[[Armageddon (film)|Armageddon]]'' (1998)=== *'''HARRY!!!''' (Harry Stamper: I'm bailing!) (Chick: MAX!!!) (Rockhound: Goodbye, Max.) (Harry Stamper: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!) (Rockhound: Take care, buddy.) ** Who: Max ** Note: He trapped inside the vehicles, and screamed Harry Stamper's name. the gas pocket ignites and blasts the vehicle off the rock killing Max in the process. *'''We win, Gracie!''' (Dan Truman: PRESS IT!!!) ** Who: Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis) ** Note: Sacrifices himself to save the world and so that his daughter can marry her fiancee. Says it right before triggering the bomb and dies in the explosion. ===''Assassins'' (1997)=== *'''You know, as long as you are out there, I'll never be number one. So...want to say goodbye, Booby? Huh?!''' **Who: Miguel Bain **Note: The young and greedy assassin seeking to steal Robert Rath's spot as number one assassin. In their final battle, the two shoot Nicolai dead, but then Miguel announces he wants to make good on this word. But Rath utilizes Electra's sunglasses and bids "Goodbye, Miguel." before firing shots harmlessly through is own jacket and ending Miguel's life for good. ===''[[Atonement (film)|Atonement]]'' (2007)=== *'''You won't hear another word from me, I promise.''' **Who: Robbie Turner **Note: Robbie is dying of septicemia on the beach at Dunkirk and is shouting in his sleep; his friend Tommy gently comforts him and he falls asleep and dies. *'''J'ai peur...j'ai peur...Tallis?''' **Who: Luc, the French soldier **Note: ''J'ai peur'' is French for "I'm afraid". The delirious soldier is dying from a head wound and converses with Nurse Briony Tallis, speaking to her as though she is a girl he once loved. She holds his hand and tells him her name is Briony, breaking the rule about being on first-name basis with patients, and he dies. ===''[[Avatar (2009 film)|Avatar]]'' (2009)=== *'''Daughter...take...my...bow. Protect The People.''' **Who: Eytucan **Note: Said to his daughter, Neytiri, before dying of wounds inflicted when the Hometree is destroyed. *'''I'm with her Jake. She's real.''' **Who: Dr. Grace Augustine **Note: Said in regards to Eywa, the Na'vi deity, who they were trying to get to save her through an ancient ritual. She then dies of her wounds. *'''Rogue One is hit. I'm going in. Sorry Jake.''' **Who: Trudy Chacon **Note: Said as her ship is crashing before it is destroyed by missile fire. *'''Fall back! Fall back!''' **Who: Lyle Wainfleet **Note: Said as his men are charged by a group of Hammerhead Titanothere, before one of them knocks his mech over and crushes him. He was resurrected as a recombinant (recom) in the second film. *'''You think you're one of them? Time to wake up!''' **Who: Colonel Miles Quaritch **Note: Said to Jake before going to kill his unconscious body determined to finish him once and for all. He is then attacked by Jake and is shot in the chest, twice, by Neytiri before he can kill Jake. He was resurrected as a recombinant (recom) in the second film. *'''I will be remembered. I fought with Toruk Makto. He was my brother. And he...was my last shadow.''' **Who: Tsu'tey **Note: Said to Jake Sully, after being mortally wounded in the final battle. Jake then kills him. ===''[[Avatar: The Way of Water]]'' (2022)=== *'''Dad... I want to go home... Dad, I...''' **Who: Neteyam **Note: Said to Jake Sully, after being mortally shot by an RDA soldier. ===''[[Avatar: Fire and Ash]]'' (2025)=== *'''You will protect her?''' **Who: Ronal **Note: Said to Neytiri, after being mortally wounded and giving birth to Pril. *'''No! No!''' **Who: Captain Mick Scoresby **Note: Said as he was being dragged by Ta'nok into the depths of the sea. *'''Abandon ship.''' **Who: General Frances Ardmore **Note: Said as she ordered the crew to abandon ship, she stayed behind and perished along with it when it was sucked and destroyed by the Flux Devil. ===''[[The Avengers (2012 film)|The Avengers]]'' (2012)=== :See [[Last words in Marvel Cinematic Universe media]] ===''[[Avengers: Age of Ultron]]'' (2015)=== :See [[Last words in Marvel Cinematic Universe media]] ===''[[Air Force One]]'' (1997)=== *'''No!''' *Who: Air Force One pilot **Note: Said before Ivan Korshunov shot him during the hijacking scene. *'''You made one mistake, when you killed my pilot, Mr President! No-one left to fly the plane, and no parachute. Whatever happens, you lose and I win!''' *Who: Ivan Korshunov **Note: Said before President James Marshall strangles him with a cord and then throws him off Air Force One with a parachute, angrily shouting "Get off my plane!" in the process. *'''This is Halo 2 they lost countermeasures. I'm going in. AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!''' *Who: Halo 2 **Note: Said when an F-15 pilot sacrificed himself to save Air Force One from a missile. *'''That's impossible, sir! I have to take you!''' **Who: Parajumper Rescue man **Note: Said before Gibbs shot him dead *'''Mr. President, it's time to get you off this plane! Go, sir, go! Please, go!''' *It was you?! *Who: Major Normal Caldwell **Note: Caldwell and the parajumper say their lines to persuade the President to leave them behind to escape Air Force One as it goes down, running out of fuel. At that moment, Gibbs reveals himself as a mole, then shoots Caldwell and the parajumper. *'''No!''' *Who: Agent Gibbs **Note: Said before Air Force One crashes into the Caspian Sea. *'''Aaahhhh!!''' *Who: MiG-29 pilot **Note: said before a missile struck his aircraft. ==B== ===''[[Backdraft (film)|Backdraft]]''=== *'''Come on, Adcox. Is that a gas line?''' **Who: Denis McCaffrey *'''Let me go, Bull!''' **Who: John "Axe" Adcox **Notes: At the fire at the chemical plant, Adcox had revealed he was the one behind the fires that killed Seagrave, Cosgrove and Holcomb, because they and Swayzak were shutting down firehouses. As he and Stephen McCaffrey hang for dear life, Adcox pleads this, but they both fall. Adcox is burned alive as he falls. *'''I'm tired of hearing the sirens.''' **Who: Stephen McCaffrey ===''[[Bad Boys II]]''=== *'''They can't help you. You're staying in Cuba...!''' **Who: Hector Juan Carlos "Johnny" Tapia **Notes: The Cuban ecstasy dealer behind the events of the story. He says this as he and Carlos corner Marcus, Syd and Mike at the minefield before Guantanamo Bay. In the distraction of the explosion killing Carlos, Mike dives for his gun and shoots Johnny in the head saving his partner. The lifeless body of Johnny lands on a mine and further dismembers him in the explosion. Seeing this, Marcus responds to Mike's actions "Now that's how you supposed to shoot!" *'''Gimme the gun!''' **Who: Carlos **Notes: One of Johnny's henchmen. When cornering Marcus, Mike and Syd in the minefield before Guantanamo Bay, he barks this to Syd who replies, "Alright, I'm gonna toss it right at your feet; Right next to the mine...!" She throws the gun to the mine, setting it off and blasting Carlos to death. ===''[[w:Bad Company (2002 film)|Bad Company]]''=== *'''You're jeopardizing the mission!''' **Who: Kevin Pope **Notes: With his mission in the Czech Republic compromised, he tries to warn Gaylord Oakes, but is assured he is "the mission". Terrorist Dragan Adjanic easily shoots Kevin in the back. *'''You take sides in conflicts you know nothing about, dictating to other people how they should live. You're so keen on playing god. Ha ha. Now's your chance to meet him.''' (Oakes: I'll give you three seconds, then I'll kill her!) '''Go ahead!''' **Who: Dragan Adjanic **Notes: The Czech terrorist behind the suitcase nuclear bomb threat in New York. He confronts Jake Hayes and Oakes in a storage room with Julie as his hostage and warns about how Jake has played God. Jake then pretends to shoot Oakes and the two gun the terrorist down. ===''[[w:Bad Moon|Bad Moon]]''=== *'''Do it. Finish it.''' **Who: Ted Harrison **Notes: Character suffers from lycanthropy, and after nearly killing his sister and her son, he urges their dog Thor to kill him and end the threat. ===''[[w:Bad Reputation|Bad Reputation]]''=== *'''Yeah, you tried to stop them, until you thought it might threaten your spot on the pep squad! God, you're the worst of all of them! You knew it was wrong, and you didn't do a goddamn thing to stop it!''' **Who: Michelle Rosen **Notes: Character attacks Wendy, who kills her in self-defense.character never dies ===''[[Bad Taste]]'' (1987)=== *'''Shit.''' **Who: Lord Crumb **Note: Character escapes in his spaceship after his stay on Earth. Derek had sneaked aboard the spaceship and kills Lord Crumb with a chainsaw. ===''[[Bad Times at the El Royale]]'' (2018)=== *'''Listen.''' **Who: Dwight Broadbeck **Note: Character attempts to negotiate for his life when he is held at gunpoint with a double-barreled shotgun. Before he can continue, he is shot in the chest and is killed. *'''Easy there, altar boy.''' **Who: Billy Lee **Note: Being held at gunpoint with a revolver, Miles Miller does not hesitate to shoot Lee in the head, effectively killing him. ===''[[w:The Ballad of Jack and Rose|The Ballad of Jack and Rose]]'' (2005)=== *'''Forgive me.''' **Who: Jack Slavin **Note: Jack believes he has damaged his daughter Rose by raising her in an overly sheltered way, confusing her about the ways of life. They fall asleep together, and he dies due to complications from a long-term heart problem. ===''[[Barton Fink]]'' (1991)=== *'''Mundt! Show yourself!''' **Who: Detective Deutsch **Note: Says this before trying to capture Carl "Madman" Mundt. After Deutsch's partner, Detective Mastrionotti is shot, Deutsch attempts to run, but is shot in the leg, and shortly afterwards the head. *'''He's complying.''' **Who: Detective Mastrionotti **Note: Says this before being shot dead by salesman Charlie Meadows, a.k.a. serial killer Carl "Madman" Mundt. ===''[[Batman]]''=== :''See ''[[last words in Batman media|''last words in ''Batman'' media'']]''.'' ===''[[w:Battle Beyond the Stars|Battle Beyond the Stars]]'' (1980)=== *'''THAT CAN'T BE!!! I WANT TO LIVE FOREVER!!!...I want to live forever.''' **Who: Sador **Note: His battlecruiser, badly damaged, is blowing up around him. It finally explodes immediately after. ===''[[Battle Royale (film)|Battle Royale]]'' (2000)=== *'''Shuya!''' **Who: Yoshitoki "Nobu" Kuninobu **Note: Said as the teacher Kitano demonstrates the explosive collar on him to his classmates who will be forced to partake in Battle Royale. As Shuya cries out to him, the collar detonates on Nobu's neck, scattering blood from his throat. *'''What am I going to do? What is this?''' **Who: Mayumi Tendo **Note: Said while wandering with an arrow fired in her neck by Akamatsu. She collapses dead by Nanahara. *'''Shit! What am I doing?!''' **Who: Yoshio Akamatsu **Note: Cries this after losing his crossbow. Kazushi Niida shows up with the crossbow asking if its his, and before Akamatsu can get it, Niida unexpectedly fires a fatal crossbow shot at the student. *'''He's not listening.''' ''[Kiriyama spits gum in Ryuhei's face]'' '''Asshole!''' **Who: Ryuhei Sasagawa **Note: Said this while holding Kiriyama at gunpoint. But on reflex, Kiriyama for the thrill steals his Uzi and kills Numai and his troupe including Ryuhei. *'''Why? Stop...''' **Who: Izumi Kanai **Note: Pleads this after her friends are gunned down by Kiriyama at the beach at night. But Kiriyama guns her down too. *'''Maybe someone will save us.''' **Who: Kazuhiko Yamamoto *'''No. Let's go... Here goes...''' **Who: Sakura Ogawa **Note: As Yamamoto cries the first line, Sakura says the second rather than partake in the Battle Royale. So, the two jump to their deaths on the beach rocks below. *'''Mitsuko! Don't!''' **Who: Megumi Eto **Note: Cries this after Mitsuko takes her tazer and gets her throat cut by the latter's kama sickle. Mitsuko then explains how Yoji Kuramoto and Yoshimi Yahagi hung themselves then barks "I won't die like THAT!" and slits her throat. *'''I'm sorry. I'm fine. I'm fine.''' **Who: Tatsumichi Oki **Note: Said after a hatchet is unexpectly turned on him by Shuya Nanahara. He dies seconds after from the axe in his brain. *'''X=B over 2A. No, B squared minus 4AC. Everyone's serious, huh? Fine. I'll survive, and get into a good school.''' ''[But then Shogo Kawada fires on Motobuchi]'' '''Don't try and stop me!''' **Who: Kyoichi Motobuchi **Note: Said while trying to take out Nanahara and Nakagawa, but then Kawada intervenes and kills him with his shotgun before taking his revolver. *'''You bitch. Murderer!''' **Who: Hirono Shimizu **Note: Said accusing Mitsuko of murdering Kuramoto, Yoshimi and Megumi. Mitsuko just dismisses it and guns Hirono down as she tries to run. *'''Wow! I survived thanks to my great bullet-proof vest!''' **Who: Toshimori Oda **Note: Said after surviving a barrage of Kiriyama's bullets thanks to his bulletproof vest. This gives his position away as Kiriyama draws a katana from above and cuts his head off. *'''Super! Marry me, Chisato!''' **Who: Yuka Nakagawa **Note: Said as she eats the spaghetti which had been poisoned with potassium cyanide by Yuko (intended for Nanahara acusing him of killing Oki). As the girls discuss the escape plan, the poison kills Yuka in seconds. *'''At least I thought I'd live until tomorrow.''' **Who: Satomi Noda **Note: Said in the aftermath of a Mexican standoff in the lighthouse dining room then the dying Yukie shoots Satomi dead. *'''I'm sorry, Nanahara. I forgot how much I liked all of them.''' **Who: Yuko Sakaki **Note: Said in the aftermath of the Mexican standoff in the lighthouse dining room to Nanahara, then jumps off the top of the lighthouse to her death on the rocks. Nanahara frantically says "I don't know what any of it means!" *'''I just don't want to be a loser anymore.''' **Who: Mitsuko Souma **Note: As she is gunned down by Kiriyama, Mitsuko's last thoughts are narrated by her. *'''Shit! Goddamn it!''' **Who: Shinji Mimura **Note: Said cursing Kiriyama who had ambushed his friends, Iijima and Yutaka and killed them. Then, Mimura in a fury detonates the truck he was going to ram the school where the Battle Royale was being controlled from and blinds Kiriyama. *'''The last one... Cookies sure were good.''' **Who: Teacher Kitano **Note: Said after being mortally wounded by Nakagawa and Nanahara even as the teacher scares them with a water pistol. He dies after consuming the late cookie. *'''Her parting words. "Thank you. At the end..."''' *'''At the end, I'm glad I found a true friend.''' **Who: Shogo Kawada **Note: The first part is spoken with Kawada having suffered bad internal injuries from fighting Kiriyama and survives long enough to pilot the boat to carry Nanahara and Nakagawa back to the mainland. He dies as his last thoughts are narrated. ===''[[w:Beloved Infidel|Beloved Infidel]]'' (1959)=== *'''I owe you so much, Sheilo. And I'll make it up to you. I'll make it all up to you.''' **Who: F. Scott Fitzgerald **Note: Said while conversing with Sheilah Graham by the Christmas tree about visiting Europe one way. Suddenly, his alcohol causes him to have a heart attack and collapses. Despite Sheilah's efforts to get a neighbor and medical authorities, Scott is confirmed dead. ===''[[Ben-Hur (1959 film)|Ben-Hur]]'' (1959)=== *'''Look for them in the Valley of the Lepers, if you can recognize them. It goes on. It goes on, Judah. The race...the race is not over!''' **Who: Messala **Note: Said this to Judah Ben-Hur after he was badly hurt in the chariot race, Judah asked him where his mother and sister were. ===''[[Beowulf (2007 film)|Beowulf]]'' (2007)=== *'''Too late for lies, Wiglaf...too late...''' **Who: Beowulf ===''[[Beauty and the Beast (2017 film)|Beauty and the Beast]]'' (2017)=== *'''Don't let me go. Please, I'll do anything. Don't hurt me, Beast.''' **Who: Gaston **Note: Said this to convince the Beast to spare him after realizing that he cannot win. He then shoots the Beast twice, but as a result of doing so, falls off the castle to his death when a footbridge in which he was standing breaks apart. ===''Beverly Hills Cop'' series=== ====''[[Beverly Hills Cop]]''==== *'''Be careful, old boy. You might hit me.''' **Who: Victor Maitland **Notes: An art gallery owner smuggling drugs, Axel confronts Maitland in his home as the latter holds Jenny hostage. Maitland dares this, just as Bogomill arrives. After Jenny breaks free, Bogomill and Foley riddle Maitland in gunfire. ====''[[Beverly Hills Cop II]]''==== *'''Mr. Foley...You involved yourself in business that doesn't concern you. That was a mistake!''' **Who: Maxwell Dent **Notes: The true villain behind the Alphabet Crimes, Maxwell Dent confronts Axel Foley in his warehouse. He then attempts to make a getaway, but Foley shoots him in the head, causing his car to crash down a slope and burst into flames. *'''Goodbye, Mr. Foley.''' **Who: Karla Fry **Notes: Maxwell Dent's sidekick in the Alphabet Crimes, after her boss is killed, Karla bids her foe, Axel Foley, farewell and prepares to kill him, but is shot dead by Taggart. ====''[[Beverly Hills Cop III]]''==== *'''Axel, you on a coffee break? Go get that son of a bitch.''' **Who: Insp. G. Douglas Todd **Notes: Foley's superior, he is injured by DeWald. In his dying breaths, Todd scolds Foley for being on coffee break, then implores him to chase DeWald down. *'''So long, Foley.''' **Who: Agent Steve Fulbright **Notes: A Secret Service Agent who was supposedly working on a counterfeit investigation. When Axel Foley exposes him as one of the culprits on a dark ride at Wonder World, Fulbright bids this to Foley and tries to shoot him. But Foley gets into a fight and shoots the agent dead. ====''[[Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F]]''==== * '''Okay. You know, I lost my family. Wife divorced me. Kids won't even talk to me. And for what?''' **Who: Captain Cade Grant ===''[[Bicentennial Man (film)|Bicentennial Man]]''=== *'''Old habit. I started my existence as a robot. I still like to be told certain things.''' **Who: Andrew Martin **Note: Andrew Martin, having lived as a robot since being activated in 2005, has turned into a real human over the course of 200 years. In 2205, he is on his death bed, alongside his wife, Portia, as they await the World Congress' decision to legally announce that Andrew is now human. While waiting, Andrew says this line to Portia when she asks him why does he need the World Congress' approval. As the Speaker of the World Congress finally announces on a TV broadcast that Andrew Martin is recognized as the oldest, non-biblical human being in history, Andrew dies before he hears the decision. Portia then asks their nurse to turn off her life-support machine so she can follow her husband into the afterlife. ===''[[Big Fish]]''=== *'''Exactly.''' **Who: Edward Bloom **Note: Character, a noted tall-tale teller, had often bragged of knowing how his death was to happen. On his deathbed, he asked his son Will to tell the story; though Will was unsure of the tale, he invented an elaborate story in the same vein as his father. Edward sighed deeply at hearing the story, and died peacefully. ===''[[The Big Lebowski]]'' (1998)=== *'''I got eighteen dollars, Dude.''' **Who: Theodore Donald 'Donny' Kerabatsos ([[w:Steve Buscemi|Steve Buscemi]]) ===''[[w:Big Nothing|Big Nothing]]'' (2006)=== *'''Well I'll be...I haven't heard Pink Floyd in years.''' **Who: Mrs. Smalls ([[w:Mimi Rogers|Mimi Rogers]]) **Note: After an axe has been lodged in her forehead, causing her to stumble and then collapse into a chair. There is a Pink Floyd song called "[[w:Careful With That Axe, Eugene|Careful With That Axe, Eugene]]". *'''Don't spend it all in one place.''' **Who: Charlie ([[w:David Schwimmer|David Schwimmer]]) **Note: Charlie has just been forced to drink poison by his accomplice in stealing $2,000,000. She then opens the bag to find that the money has been replaced with stuffed animals. ===''[[Big Trouble in Little China]]'' (1986)=== *'''Good knife. Goodbye, Mr. Burton.''' **Who: David Lo Pan **Note: Said before throwing a knife at Burton, who catches it and throws it back at Lo, hitting him in the face. ===''[[w:Billion Dollar Brain|Billion Dollar Brain]]'' (1967)=== *'''I'm gonna crucify every red athiest, and I'm gonna destroy the pagan communists FOREVER!''' **Who: General Midwinter **Note: Said confident that he can save the world from communism even if it means plunging it into a nuclear apocalypse. But Colonel Stok's bomber planes intercept blasting the icy river with bombs and sinking Midwinter and all his men to an icy watery grave. ===''[[w:Black Sheep (2006 film)|Black Sheep]]'' (2006)=== *'''It's not far...just a quick trip, through the trees...''' **Who: Doctor Rush **Note: She tries to get back to her lab through the forest while running away from the sheep. She trips and is quickly cornered by the sheep, who kill her. *'''My babies...have me again.''' **Who: Angus OldField **Note: After turning back into a human (he had turned into a were-sheep), he tried to get bitten again by the infected sheep so he could turn back but they end up eating him instead. ===''[[w:Black Sunday (1977 film)|Black Sunday]]'' (1977)=== *'''I'm ready! When're you gonna shoot?''' **Who: Old Watchman **Note: Said thinking he's about to get his picture taken never knowing that Dahlia and Lander are testing a poisonous dart cannon. Lander activates the flash and sprays the darts all over the shed and the unfortunate old man. *'''Give us some more time! Cover me!" **Who: Michael J. Lander **Note: Said to Dahlia to stop Kabakov's pursuing police helicopter as their bring the Goodyear blimp wired with the poisonous darts to spray all over the Super Bowl. Kabakov mortally wounds him with machine gun fire as he says "I THINK I GOT BOTH OF THEM, BUT IT'S STILL GOING ON!" Lander using his last ounce of strength manages to light the backup fuse when the blimp is at the Super Bowl stadium then dies. Fortunately, Kabakov hook the blimp to their helicopter and carry it to a safe distance over the water for a safe distance detonation. ===[[w:Blade (film series)|''Blade'' series]]=== ====''[[Blade (film)|Blade]]'' (1998)==== *[Blade: What's in here?] '''Nothing! It's a storeroom. But you're wasting your time. There's nothing of importance to anyone.''' [Blade: Then you won't mind if I take a peek.] '''NO!!!''' **Who: Pearl **Note: Character is burned to death with a UV lamp. *'''Hey! I'm gonna rip your fuckin' head off!''' **Who: Raquel **Note: Said before attacking Blade, who shoots and kills her. *'''You will never rule us!''' **Who: Gitano Dragonetti **Note: Character warns this to Deacon Frost who plucks out two of his fangs. Quinn then taunts to him, "Sorry, old dog. You just got too long in the tooth." Seconds after that, Frost and his crew watch with protective gear as Gitano is burned alive by the morning sunlight. *'''Eric, I'm your mother. You wouldn't hurt your mother would you? Come here...''' **Who: Vanessa Brooks **Note: Character was a vampire who in life had been Blade's mother (Eric is Blade's first name). She says this after Blade has disarmed her before hugging him, he then reluctantly stabs her in the heart with a sharpened bone. *'''Nice shot.''' **Who: Deacon Frost **Note: Said after Blade throws his sword, which flies upward and sticks into a wall. The sword dislodges a packet of vials of a vampire-killing serum, which Blade then injects Frost with, causing him to swell up and explode. ====''[[Blade II]]'' (2002)==== *'''Kill me now, Chupa!''' **Who: Priest **Note: Said after being infected by a Reaper, which was causing him tremendous pain. He is then killed by Blade after Chupa and Snowman are unable to do so. *'''Oh, great.''' **Who: Scud **Note: Said when the bomb in his hands, which he thought was a dud, is reactivated. *'''Like my daddy said right before he killed my mom, "If ya want somethin' done right, ya gotta do it yourself". He also said... '''[Blade: Do you blush?] **Who: Reinhardt **Note: Said before trying to kill Blade with his own sword. Blade then blocks him and takes his sword back before cutting him in half. *'''Nyssa...''' **Who: Eli Damaskinos **Note: Said after crawling to his daughter's feet, after having his throat bit out by Nomak. *'''It's strange. It hurts...it hurts no more...''' **Who: Jared Nomak **Note: Said in regards to the constant burning pain he felt because of the Reaper Virus. He then pushes Blade's sword into his heart, killing himself. *'''I can already feel it, burning inside me. I want to die while I’m still a vampire. I want to see the sun.''' **Who: Nyssa **Note: Said in regards to the Reaper Virus, having been bitten by Nomak. Blade then takes her outside, where she burns up at sunrise. ====''[[Blade: Trinity]]'' (2004)==== *'''Get out, Blade!''' **Who: Whistler **Note: Said before detonating a bomb that blows up his base and the police officers closing in on him, along with himself. *'''You broke my arm!''' **Who: Jarko Grimwood **Note: Said while fighting Hannibal King who eventually sets a silver nitrate bomb in his mouth and burns him to ashes. *'''Give it up, King. Come on, give it up. Give it up. Give it up. Give it up.''' **Who: Danica Talos **Note: Said while strangling Hannibal King, before Day Star kills her. *'''Funny, isn't it? All this time, my people were trying to create a new kind of vampire...when one already existed. I don't need to survive. The future of our race lies with you. You fought with honor. I respect that. So allow me a parting gift. But know this. Sooner or later...the thirst always wins.''' **Who: Drake/Dracula **Note: Said to Blade before succumbing to the effects of Day Star. ===''[[Blade Runner]]'' (1982)=== *'''Wake up! Time to die!''' **Who: Leon Kowalski ([[w:Brion James|Brion James]]) **Note: Said while attacking Rick Deckard, before being shot in the head. *[Roy Batty: I've done questionable things.] '''Also extraordinary things. Revel in your time.''' [Roy Batty: Nothing the god of biomechanics wouldn't let you in Heaven for.] **Who: Dr. Eldon Tyrell **Note: Roy then crushes Tyrell's skull and gouges out his eyes with his bare hands. *'''I've...seen things...you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-Beams...glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. All those...moments will be lost...in time...like tears...in the rain. Time...to die.''' **Who: Roy Batty ([[w:Rutger Hauer|Rutger Hauer]]) **Note: Said as his 4 year lifespan is running out. He expires after this line. **See also: [[w:Tears in rain monologue|Tears in rain monologue]] ===''[[Blazing Saddles]]'' (1974)=== *'''How did he do such fantastic stunts...with such little feet?!''' **Who: Hedley Lamarr ([[w:Harvey Korman|Harvey Korman]]) **Notes: Said at the footprints of [[w:Douglas Fairbanks|Douglas Fairbanks]] ===''[[Blood Diamond]]'' (2006)=== *'''TIA...eh, Danny?''' **Who: Colonel Coetzee **Notes: TIA stands for "This Is Africa", a saying used to passively describe the state of the country. Coetzee says this after being shot, non-fatally, by Danny before being killed. *'''It's all right. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.''' **Who: Danny Archer ===''[[Blood Simple]]'' (1984)=== *'''Then you shouldn't have done it. Can't have it both ways. Count it and go.''' **Who: Julian Marty **Note: Character is referring to money being paid to Loren Visser for killing his wife, Abby, and her lover, Ray. Visser soon draws a gun and shoots Marty. *'''Well, ma'am, if I see him, I'll sure give him the message.''' **Who: Loren Visser **Note: Character is referring to the deceased Julian Marty. Abby, having just shot Visser through a cracked door, had just said, "I'm not afraid of you, Marty." ===''[[w:Body Melt|Body Melt]]'' (1993)=== *'''The first phase is hallucinogenic. The second phase is glandular. And the third phase is... AAAAARGH!''' **Who: Ryan **Note: As he drives to Pebbles Court in an attempt to warn its residents not to use Vimuville's vitamins, Ryan, whose body is starting to mutate uncontrollably after being overdosed with the vitamins in question, tries to record a warning on a dictaphone, but is killed when he crashes his car and goes through the windshield before he can complete it. He is then finished off when tentacles sprout from his neck and smother him to death. *'''Dr. Carrera, can you come over? Now?''' **Who: Cheryl Rand **Note: After her placenta suddenly detaches itself from her body, becomes animated and starts scuttling around her house, Cheryl calls Dr. Carrera for help. Not long afterwards, her unborn child explodes into a cloud of gas, bursting open her stomach and killing her. *'''Cheryl!''' **Who: Brian Rand **Note: Said after finding his wife apparently intending to stab herself in the stomach with a letter opener, before her disembodied placenta attacks him. He's subsequently arrested for her murder, and while the detectives find evidence of his innocence, this comes too late to save Brian, who dies in a later scene after repeatedly projectile vomiting large amounts of green slime around the police station. *'''Ladies and gentlemen, this one will be over the fucking top!''' **Who: Brandon Noble. **Note: After doing some tricks on Vimuville's skating ramp, Brandon says this before attempting a 720-degree flip, only for it to go disastrously wrong and lead to him crashing face-first into the ramp. His body then slowly disintegrates during the night from the effects of Vimuville's vitamin-laced food. *'''I'm alright. I'll be fine.''' **Who: Thompson Noble **Note: Said to his wife, as he's in the middle of a sneezing fit, which eventually causes his head to dissolve into a lump of mucus. *'''Elloise!''' **Who: Angelica Noble **Note: On finding the remains of her husband, Angelica calls out to her daughter. She dies in a subsequent scene when the food she's eaten, laced with Vimuville's vitamins, causes her tongue to grow in size until it suffocates her. *'''Vimuville. The best place in the world for your body.''' **Who: Shaan **Note: On being found by Elloise Noble with her face partially melted, Shaan mumbles this in a clearly incoherent state. Elloise tries to get her attention by slapping her around the face, but this instead causes Shaan's head to collapse in on itself. *'''No, not quite, Detective Phillips.''' **Who: Dr. Carerra **Note: Carrera, one of the main designers of Vimuville's vitamins, gives a speech after being cornered in Shaan's office by the two detectives. Phillips asks if he's finished, to which Carrera states this before shooting himself in the head. ===''[[The Boondock Saints]]'' (1999)=== *'''Don't ever stop! Go, get out of here! Don't stop!''' **Who: David Della Rocco **Note: The MacManus brothers and Rocco infiltrate Joe Yakavetta's headquarters to finish off his family, but are captured. Joe kills Rocco in an attempt to intimidate the brothers. ===[[w:Bourne (film series)|''Bourne'' series]]=== ====''[[The Bourne Identity (2002 film)|The Bourne Identity]]'' (2002)==== *'''"We"? No, ''you.'' You need to bring me that bastard Kane's head, put it in front of this house, and show them what kind of war we are fighting! **Who: Nykwana Wombosi *'''Look at this. Look at what they make you give.''' **Who: The Professor *'''Where are you gonna go?!''' **Who: Alexander Conklin ====''[[The Bourne Supremacy (film)|The Bourne Supremacy]]'' (2004)==== *'''Yes, you do.''' **Who: Marie Kreutz **Note: After their location in India was discovered, Jason and Marie try to outrun an assassin sent after them. Originally, Jason was the one supposed to die, but after switching seats while driving in their vehicle, the assassin assumed Jason to be driving. Jason tells Marie they don't have a choice to do what they were doing. Marie says this line, and is then shot in the back of the head, causing the vehicle to swerve off the bridge it's currently on. *'''Go out in the back. I have another car.''' **Who: Jarda **Notes: A fellow Treadstone assassin who engages in combat with Bourne and is killed in self-defense. *'''Well, if you put a 4-kilowatt--''' **Who: Daniel "Danny" Zorn **Notes: An electrician who inadvertently discovers Ward's plot to frame Bourne for the murder of CIA operatives. Strangled to death by Ward Abbott, in the midst of re-explaining the evidence to Abbott. *'''I'm not sorry.''' **Who: Ward Abbott **Notes: Character was a traitor in the CIA, and had just been revealed as such by Bourne. He commits suicide in Pamela Landy's presence. ====''[[The Bourne Ultimatum (film)|The Bourne Ultimatum]]'' (2007)==== *'''I don't think I should wait. I think someone's coming. I'm going for it!''' **Who: Simon Ross **Notes: An investigative journalist at ''The Guardian'' writing about Operation Treadstone. Shot in the head by Paz in the midst of Waterloo Station. *'''Hello.''' **Who: Neal Daniels **Notes: The whistleblower who gave information about Treadstone to Ross. Blown up by a car bomb. ====''[[Jason Bourne]]'' (2016)==== *'''No. Don't.''' **Who: Nicolette "Nicky" Parsons **Notes: CIA Agent turned Hacktivist who makes Jason aware of new knowledge concerning his past. Shot in the head by the Asset as she and Bourne attempt to escape the CIA's clutches. *'''Listen to me, David. I've done something. Something... that came at a cost. One day, you'll understand why. I gotta get back to Washington. I love you, son.''' **Who: Richard Webb **Notes: David Webb/Jason Bourne's father. After learning his son was selected for the Treadstone program, he attempted to expose it to the public. Later assassinated by the CIA via car bomb, who then frame it as a terrorist attack. *'''Please...''' **Who: Malcolm Smith **Notes: Helped plan the logistics of Richard Webb's assassination. Used as a human shield by Bourne after the Asset closes in on their location. *'''You're never gonna find any peace. Not until you admit to yourself who you really are. It's time to come in, Jason. It's time to come in...''' **Who: CIA Director Robert Dewey **Notes: Shot by Heather Lee, his subordinate, after a failed attempt to shoot Bourne in the back of the head. *'''You're a traitor. You've always been a traitor... It's in your blood!''' **Who: The Asset **Notes: The killer of Bourne's father. Neck broken via strangulation. ===''[[Braveheart]]'' (1995)=== *'''''Freeeedom!!!''''' **Who: William Wallace ([[Mel Gibson]]) **Note: Character was heavily tortured and asked to surrender before being executed. ===''[[The Brave Little Toaster (film)|The Brave Little Toaster]]'' (1987)=== *'''Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of dimwits.''' [Lampy: "Dim"?!] [Toaster: Yeah. Because the Master never played with you.] [Kirby: 'Cause you're stuck in the wall!] ''[angrily]'' '''So, it's back to ''that'' stupid static again. You think I don't know what's going on in here? I know what goes on in this cottage. It's a conspiracy. And every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just 'cause ''you'' can move around, you think you're better than I am! I'M NOT AN INVALID; I WAS ''DESIGNED'' TO STICK IN A WALL!! I ''LIKE'' BEING ''STUCK IN THIS STUPID WALL!'' I CAN'T HELP IT IF THE KID WAS ''TOO SHORT TO REACH MY DIALS!''''' [Toaster: We didn't mean it! Really!] '''''IT'S MY FUNCTION!!!!''''' [Toaster: Don't! Wait! Wait!] [Kirby: ''[alarmed]'' ''HE'S GONNA BLOW!''] [Toaster: ''YANK YOUR CORDS!!!''] [Kirby: ''THE FUSE!''] **Who: Air Conditioner **Note: After being insulted by Kirby, character gets angry and overheats before blowing himself up. After the appliances lament character's loss, Kirby says, "Well, he was a jerk anyway." Later on in the film, after finding the cabin in a mess, the Master, Rob, fixes the air conditioner and restores him to life, making him as good as new. *'''He'll see us this time.''' **Who: Toaster **Note: Toaster was referring to Rob coming back and seeing them instead of missing them at Ernie's Disposal. But it turns out to be the magnet crane instead and they try to run. Toaster has no other lines before jumping into the machine's gears to jam them, sacrificing himself to save Rob and the other appliances from being crushed by the machine. Later, Rob manages to fix Toaster making him good as new. ===''[[Bride of Frankenstein]]'' (1935)=== *'''We belong dead.''' **Who: The Monster ([[w:Boris Karloff|Boris Karloff]]) ===''[[The Bridge on the River Kwai]]'' (1957)=== *'''What have I done?''' **Who: Col. Nicholson **Note: The colonel who helps the Japanese build the bridge. When the bridge is attacked by Maj. Warden's team, he questions his actions while Warden has fired a mortar shell. The shell's shrapnel gravely wounds him and with his strength already failing, he falls dead onto the plunger blowing up the bridge he had helped Col. Saito build and crashes the Japanese train in the process. ===''[[Broken Arrow (1996 film)|Broken Arrow]]'' (1996)=== *'''And why not?''' **Who: Chief Rhodes **Note: Rhodes along with Kelly find the nuke but are ambushed by some mercenaries and just as Rhodes was about to disarm the nuke, Kelly replies to Rhodes “I’m afraid I can’t let you do that Chief.” Much to Rhodes confusion and shoots him dead replying to the other mercenaries “All clear!”. *'''Oh, God! Oh, God! How does that gunship fit into your strategy?! You don't know what you're doing! This is out of control! I must have been...''' **Who: Pritchett **Note: Pritchett berates Deakins for allowing the helicopter to give chase. Deakins, fed up with Pritchett's complaining, kills him by hitting his throat with a baton. *'''You probably thought I was a computer nerd, didn't ya? Wrong! I was a Navy SEAL, lady. You really should see what I can do... with just my thumb.''' **Who: Max **Note: Gets into fight with Terry Carmichael and easily overpowers her and rants to her that he was Navy SEAL. Just as Max draws his gun, Terry throws a hammer she was wielding at Max striking him in the head killing him. *'''Let’s give those guys a haircut!''' **Who: Colonel Wilkins **Notes: He and his pilot provide air support while Riley rescues Terry from Deakins and the mercenaries, Wilkins is injured by Deakins and Kelly firing at him in the helicopter and is killed along with the pilot when they crash into a mountain by a tunnel. *'''What the fuck are you doin’? Shut that son of a bitch down, now! This ain’t what I signed on for! I’m not ready to die. Not for you.''' **Who: Kelly **Note: Deakins decides to shorten the countdown timer out of spite. Horrified at what Deakins was doing and not wanting to die, Kelly holds Deakins at gunpoint and orders him to disarm the weapon. Hale sneaks up on them during their bickering and kicks Kelly out of the boxcar to his death. *'''Your brain presses against your skull and it feels like this!''' **Who: Major Vic "Deak" Deakins **Note: He says this line while fighting Captain Riley Hale explaining what happens when you're knocked out. This is his last line. Riley later replies "Feel anything like THAT?!". Deakins was killed when the missile hits him and explodes. ===''[[Bruce Almighty]]'' (2003)=== *'''You win! I’m done. Please, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to be God! I want You to decide what's right for me! I SURRENDER TO YOUR WILL!''' **Who: Bruce Nolan ([[Jim Carrey]]) **Note: Last words before being hit by a truck. Bruce "dies" for a short period of time, ending up in heaven where he decides he doesn't want to have God's powers anymore. They both agree and God helps him recover from the accident. ===''[[Bubba Ho-Tep]]'' (2002)=== *'''Thank you...thank you very much.''' **Who: Elvis ===''[[Bug (2006 film)|Bug]]'' (2006)=== *'''I love you.''' **Who: Agnes White ([[w:Ashley Judd|Ashley Judd]]) **Note: Last words before bursting into an inferno of flames. ===''[[Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid]]'' (1969)=== *'''Wait a minute, you didn't see Lefors out there did you?''' *'''Lefors? No, why?''' *'''Oh, good. For a moment there I thought we were in trouble.''' **Who: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid **Notes: Cornered by the Bolivian authorities, Butch and Sundance had hoped to escape to Australia, and relieved that Lefors is not among the authorities, the two race out shooting, only to be gunned down off camera. ==C== ===''[[Caddyshack]]'' (1980)=== *'''OH, RAT FARTS‼️''' **Who: The Bishop **Note: The Bishop adamantly refuses to call off a round of golf as he is performing exceptionally well despite the weather conditions descending to almost hurricane strength winds accompanied with lightning by the time he reaches the final hole. Missing the putt on an otherwise flawless game he bellows out the line with putter still in hand. The club acting acting as a lightning rod promptly catches a bolt. ===''[[w:Caligula (film)|Caligula]]'' (1979)=== *'''No. Nothing at all. Just... sleep.''' **Who: Nerva **Note: With Nerva having cut his wrists in order to commit suicide rather than witness Caligula's impending reign as emperor, Caligula asks him if he can see the afterlife. When Nerva says that he can't, Caligula angrily finishes him off by holding him underwater until he drowns. *'''Give it to me.''' **Who: Tiberius **Note: After Caligula takes the emperor's ring on Tiberius' apparent death, Tiberius wakes up and demands it back. The head of his bodyguard, Macro, then enters and smothers Tiberius with a pillow. *'''Don't you dare!''' **Who: Macro **Note: Said to his former bodyguards, after Caligula pressures Gemellus into publicly naming Macro as Tiberius' murder, and then bribes Macro's soldiers into following their new leader, Chaerea. Macro initially tries to resist, but realizes the situation to be hopeless, and is subsequently beheaded by a gigantic contraption in a later scene. *'''No! Please, no!''' **Who: Gemellus **Note: Shouted out by Gemellus after Caligula orders him taken away and executed on trumped-up charges of treason. *'''I heard the voice of Caesar. But your daughter did not.''' **Who: Drusilla **Note: Said to Caligula, who minutes earlier mistakenly announced his first child as a son, without bothering to find out her actual gender. Drusilla then falls ill with a fever, which subsequently kills her. *'''Divine Caesar, please. What have I done? Why am I here?''' [Caligula: Treason] '''Treason? I have always been loyal to you!''' **Who: Proculus **Note: Having already been violated along with his wife by Caligula on their wedding day, Caligula has Proculus tortured and executed for no reason other than his own amusement. *'''You...!''' **Who: Caesonia **Note: After witnessing the beginning of Caligula's assassination, with Chaerea stabbing her husband, Caesonia screams and furiously rushes Chaerea, who reacts by stabbing her through the heart, killing her instantly. *'''No!''' **Who: Julia Drusilla **Note: Upon seeing her mother killed and her father severely wounded, Caligula's young daughter shouts this out before one of Longinus' servants snatches her from the arms of her nurse and brutally smashes her head into the palace steps, killing her. *'''I... live. I... LIVE!''' **Who: Caligula **Note: Already wounded and on the verge of death, Caligula defiantly grasps Chaerea one last time and says this as Chaerea stabs him again. Caligula then collapses and then his bodyguards stab him dozens of times with their spears until he is unquestionably dead, before Claudius is crowned as the new emperor. ===''[[w:Cannibal! The Musical|Cannibal! The Musical]]'' (1993)=== *[sung] '''We can make him tall or we can make him not so tall!''' **Who: Israel Swan **Note: After wandering the Colorado Rockies for days the group asks what they should do and Swan begins to sing "Let's Build a Snowman" for the second time. Fed up with his singing, Bell shoots him in the head. *'''He killed Swan. It's only fair.''' **Who: James Humphrey ([[w: Matt Stone|Matt Stone]]) **Note: The group discusses who they should kill first and James suggest Bell. Packer returns to the camp and finds Humphrey, Miller and Noon all killed by Bell. *'''We can't do it, Packer. We can't even stand up.''' **Who: George "California" Noon **Note: The group discusses who they should kill first and James suggest Bell. Packer returns to the camp and finds Humphrey, Miller and Noon all killed by Bell. *[sung] '''That's all we're asking for.''' **Who: Frank Miller **Note: The group discusses who they should kill first and James suggest Bell. Packer returns to the camp and finds Humphrey, Miller and Noon all killed by Bell. *'''Hey, you can't do that, jerky!''' **Who: Frenchy Cabazon **Note: After Polly announced that Packer was innocent (and therefore, did not have to be hanged), Frenchie rushed the hanging post out of anger and tried to hang Packer himself. The Ute chief rescues Packer and chops off Frenchie's head. ===''[[Captain America: The First Avenger]]'' (2011)=== *'''The first of many. Cut off one head, two more shall take its place. Hail HYDRA.''' **Who: Dr Heinz Kruger **Note: Character is under interrogation by Captain America, but he avoids this by committing suicide with a cyanide capsule. *'''Cut off one head, two more shall-''' **Who: HYDRA soldier. **Note: Before he can finish this line, character is shot by Col. Philips, who then remarks "Let's go find two more." ===''[[The Care Bears Movie]]'' (1985)=== *'''Stop! Please! Don't close me!''' **Who: The Evil Spirit ===''[[Carlito's Way]]'' (1993)=== *'''Gail...Gail...''' *'''Sorry, boys, all the stitches in the world can’t sew me together again...Lay down. Lay down. Gonna stretch me out in Fernandez Funeral Home on 109th street... Always knew I’d make a stop there, but a lot later than a whole gang of people thought. Last of the Mo-Rican’s. Well, maybe not the last. Gail’s gonna be a good mom. New, improved Carlito Brigante. Hope she uses the money to get out. No room in this city for big hearts like hers...Sorry, baby, I tried the best I could. Honest. Can’t come with me on this trip, though... Gettin' the shakes now. Last call for drinks. Bar’s closin’ down. Sun’s out. Where we goin’ for breakfast? Don’t wanna go far...Rough night. Tired, baby...Tired...''' **Who: Carlito Brigante **Note: Character has two lines after being shot by Benny Blanco. The first line is saying Gail's name. The second line is his narration while being carried as he shuts his eyes aware he will not survive the night. ===''[[Casablanca (film)|Casablanca]]'' (1942)=== *'''You must help me, Rick!''' [is dragged away] '''RICK!! RICK!!''' **Who: Ugarte *''[on the phone]'' '''Hello?''' [Rick: ''[aiming his gun at him]'' Put that phone down!] '''Get me the radio tower!''' [Rick: Put it down!] **Who: Major Strasser **Note: Rick Blaine had warned Strasser to stay away from the phone, shooting him after he says this command. ===''[[Casino (film)|Casino]]'' (1995)=== *'''Oh! Oh no! No...''' **Who: Ginger McKenna **Note: Says this before collapsing from a drug overdose in a motel hallway. *'''No balls, you got no fuckin' balls. Oh, Dominick. Oh, Dom. Dominick. Dominick...Dominick.''' **Who: Nicky Santoro **Note: Says this after watching his brother being beat to death with baseball bats by his former crew. He is then beat the same way and buried alive. ===''[[w:Casshern (film)|Casshern]]'' (2004)=== *'''Luna. I'm sorry. Never look back.''' **Who: Dr Kozuki **Notes: Said to his daughter, Luna, after being mortally wounded by Sagure. *'''A vision...of how it might've been...of peace...''' **Who: Sagure **Notes: Said when Barashin asks what she sees. She had been mortally wounded by Casshern during their fight. *'''It's okay now. Forget it. All forgiven. I hope...you're at peace now.''' **Who: Barashin **Notes: Character was mortally wounded by Casshern. Said in reference to Sagure, who was his sister. *'''Let me just...get in here...''' **Who: Kaoru Naito **Notes: Said while trying to get to the Neo-Cell tanks. Character had been wounded in an explosion. *'''Don't give up. End the fighting.''' **Who: Midori Azuma **Notes: Said to Tetsuya, before she dies later, off screen. *'''You vermin are our ancestors. Mutant trash, I'll tidy myself!''; **Who: Kamijo **Notes: Said to Burai, who he then starts shooting at. Burai advances on him, and he pulls the pin on a grenade, killing them both. *'''I don't see anything. I don't see it at all.''' **Who: Burai **Note: Said after temporarily surviving the grenade explosion. He refers to the vision of the perfect world the other Neo-Sapiens saw when they died. *'''Do you know what it is to love? I'll soon bring her back.''' **Who: Dr. Azuma **Notes: Character says the first sentence before shooting Luna in the head. He says the second in reference to his wife, whom Tetsuya refused to let him try and revive. Tetsuya then attacks and kills him. *'''Run...this isn't really me...I can't help what I'm doing...I don't want to hurt you...I want to run away...from the pain...from everything...start all over...''' **Who: Luna Kazuki **Notes: Character was revived through Burai's blood, but his hatred was infecting her. Was blown up moments later. *'''I know. Let's end the hatred here. I didn't want to cause more pain but it came to this. You won't be alone again. I'll be with you always. Just us two from now on.''' **Who: Tetsuya Azuma/Casshern **Notes: Said to Luna, moments before he is destroyed by his own body. ===''[[Casper (film)|Casper]]'' (1995)=== *'''Sorry, sweetheart. We're through.''' ['''Carrigan:''' ''[angry gasp]'' I am not gonna forget this, you lousy little worm, you!] ''[chortles]'' '''Oh, you can haunt me all you want, but it's gonna be in a great big, expensive house with lovely purple wallpaper and great big green carpets and a little dog called Carrigan, a bitch just like you. ''I'' got the power. ''I'' got the treasure.''' ['''Carrigan:''' And you have a flight to catch.] '''Huh? ''AAAAAAAAAH!''''' **Who: Paul "Dibs" Plutzker **Notes: Says this in betrayal of Carrigan, who is now a ghost, only for the latter to throw him out the window of the mansion. *['''Dibs:''' Oh, you can haunt me all you want, but it's gonna be in a great big, expensive house with lovely purple wallpaper and great big green carpets and a little dog called Carrigan, a bitch just like you. ''I'' got the power. ''I'' got the treasure.] '''And you have a flight to catch.''' ['''Dibs:''' Huh? '''''AAAAAAAAAH!'''''] '''Any other takers?''' ['''Casper:''' No. But aren't you forgetting something?] '''What?''' ['''Casper:''' Your unfinished business.] '''My what?''' ['''Kat Harvey:''' You know, unfinished business. All ghosts have unfinished business. That's why they don't cross over.] '''Unfinished business? I ''have'' no unfinished business. I have my treasure, my mansion. I have everything. I'm just perfect.''' ''[laughs evilly, thinking she had won, but stops at seeing herself cross over]'' '''Wait! Wait! I lied. I have unfinished business, lots of unfinished business! I-I'm not ready to cross over yet! Wait! You tricked me, you rotten little brats! AAAAAAAAAAH!''' **Who: Carrigan Crittenden **Notes: Says this as her ghost crosses over after being tricked by Casper and Kat into saying she has no "unfinished business". ===''Cat People'' (1982)=== *'''OLIVER!''' **Who: Paul Gallier (Malcolm McDowell) **Notes: Character transforms into a panther and attacks Oliver Yates, but is shot dead by Alice Perrin. *'''Then free me. Free me. Make love to me again. I want to live with my own. My own.''' **Who: Irena Gallier (Nastassja Kinski) **Notes: Though the character lives, these are the last words she says as a human, choosing to become a panther permanently. ===''[[Charlotte's Web (1973 film)|Charlotte's Web]]'' (1973)=== *'''I'm thinking of your life, Wilbur. Nothing can harm you now.''' ''[sings]'' '''The autumn days grow short and cold; / It's Christmas time again. / Then snows of winter slowly melt. / The day grows short, / And then... / He turns the seasons around, / And so she changes...her gown: / Mother Earth...and Father Time. /''' ''[words are slowly being reduced to a whisper]'' '''How very special are we... / For just a moment...to be... / Part of life's...eternal...rhyme.''' **Who: Charlotte A. Cavatica **Note: A dying Charlotte is unable to move her 514 unborn children into Wilbur's crate and sadly informs the pig that she can't return to the barn. Fortunately, they ask Templeton the rat to move the eggs safely into the crate, which he does. Unlike the original novel, Wilbur stays around to hear Charlotte's last words of her swan song before the spider lets out her final breath, leaving him heartbroken at her death. ===''[[Charlotte's Web (2006 film)|Charlotte's Web]]'' (2006)=== *'''Goodbye...my sweet, sweet Wilbur.''' **Who: Charlotte A. Cavatica **Note: A dying Charlotte is unable to go back to the barn with Wilbur, so Templeton takes her egg sac with them. Like the novel, she dies shortly after Wilbur's departure. ===''[[Changeling (film)|Changeling]]'' (2008)=== *'''No. Nothing. I kept clean after I confessed, Reverend, just like I said I would. Will it...Will it hurt? Please, please, not so fast. Please, don't make me walk so fast! Please, don't make me! No, I don't wanna. No! Thirteen steps. Thirteen steps. But I didn't touch them all, you bastards. I didn't touch them all. I didn't touch them all. Please! A prayer! Please! God! Please! Somebody here, please, say a prayer for me! No, God. No! No! No! Silent night, holy night. All is calm, all is bright. Round yon Virgin, mother and child.''' **Who: [[Gordon Stewart Northcott]] **Note: Said before being executed by hanging after Northcott was convicted of murdering innocent children and Walter Collins in the first degree. ===''[[Children of Men]]'' (2006)=== *'''Cover Kee!''' **Who: Julian Taylor **Note: Said when the car she is in comes under attack, before she is shot in the throat. *'''Pull my finger.''' [character is shot in the hand] '''Fuck you!''' [throws severed finger at shooter, is shot again] '''Pull my finger.''' [shot and killed] **Who: Jasper Palmer **Note: A repeated joke for the character. Said to Luke. *'''Please come to our aid...''' **Miram **Note: Gets out of the bus and Hooded to be shot. *'''I had a sister. Theo! Theo!''' **Who: Luke **Note: Said as Theo runs away with Kee, before a tank shell blows him up. *'''Oh...Jesus...''' **Who: Theodore Faron **Note: Said in regards to the gunshot he's sustained. After Kee says she'll name her baby after Julian and his dead child, he smiles and slumps dead. ===''[[Chloe (film)|Chloe]]'' (2009)=== *'''I want you to kiss me.''' **Who: Chloe Sweeney **Note: Character said this before she got accidentally pushed by Catherine into the bedroom window and let herself fall to her death. ===''[[The Chronicles of Narnia (film series)|The Chronicles of Narnia]]'' series=== ====''[[The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe]]'' (2005)==== *'''Impossible!''' **Who: White Witch **Note: Character said this when she sees Aslan, whom she had earlier killed. She is killed when he pounces on her and bites out her throat. ====''[[The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian]]'' (2008)==== *'''I'll deal with you when this is over.''' **Who: King Miraz **Note: Said to Lord Sopespian, who had constantly tried to undermine his rule. Sopespian then stabs him in the back with an arrow, killing him. *'''Charge!''' **Who: Lord Sopespian **Note: Yelled to his men before charging across a bridge towards Aslan and Lucy. Aslan then summons the River God, who destroys the bridge and washes Sopespian away. ===[[The Chronicles of Riddick (franchise)|''The Chronicles of Riddick'']] franchise=== ====''[[Pitch Black (film)|Pitch Black]]'' (2000)==== *'''Don't touch that handle!''' **Who: Greg Owens **Note: Said when he wakes up after the ship crashes, referring to before the crash, when he warned Fry not to pull a handle to disengage the passenger compartment. He dies of his wounds shortly after. *'''Oh my god. I thought I was the only one to get out of the crash alive.''' **Who: Total Stranger **Note: The character, otherwise unnamed, has just found some of the survivors of the crash. He is shot to death by Zeke, who thought that he was Riddick. *'''Shit!''' **Who: Sharon "Shazza" Montgomery **Note: Said after the Sand Cat they were riding in runs out of energy, due to it being solar powered. She attempts to flee from the swarm of grue that attack, but only manages to dodge the first swarm and is killed by the second. *'''I was supposed to die in France. I never even saw France.''' **Who: Paris P. Ogilvie **Note: Said after being stabbed by a grue, after running from the main group. He then spits some wine into a torch, and is ripped apart by the large group of grue that he illuminates. *'''Like who?''' **Who: William J. Johns **Note: The character had suggested killing Jack, and dragging her a few feet behind them, as she was the one the grue were smelling. Riddick then suggests "bigger meat", after which Johns says this line before Riddick and he fight. He is knocked out of the range of their light and killed by a grue. *'''Okay, hold onto me. Hold onto me. We're getting out of here. I got you. Come on. Come on Riddick get up! Get up! Get up! I said I'd die for them, not you! Let's move! Come on. Come on. All right.''' **Who: Carolyn Fry **Note: Said while trying to get a wounded Riddick to the escape shuttle. Just as they reach there, she is impaled by a grue and dragged away into the darkness. ====''[[The Chronicles of Riddick]]'' (2004)==== *'''There will be an afterlife for me. Will there be for you?''' **Who: Abu "Imam" al-Walid **Note: Said as he prepares to attack a Necromonger in order to protect his family. He is quickly killed by the much more skilled fighter. *'''RIDDICK!!!''' **Who: Toombs **Note: Said after being left in a cage, between the cages of two hellhounds. Character may not have died, but the hounds were breaking the bars that separated them when the scene cut away. *'''So, you gonna kill me now?''' **Who: Eve Logan **Note: Said to Riddick as he approaches her, mortally wounded by prison guards. Though Riddick does not kill her and walks away, she must have died shortly afterward. *'''The Necromonger in me warns you not to go back. But the Furyan in me...hopes you won't listen. God knows...I've dreamed of it.''' **Who: The Purifier **Note: Said to Riddick before he walks out into the sunlight of Cremetoria, which burns him to a cinder. Before he says "God knows...I've dreamed of it", he gives Riddick a blade. His line refers to the fact that the other Necromongers believe that Riddick is dead. *'''Vaako?''' **Who: Lord Marshal Zhylaw **Note: He has called for Vaako's assistance against Riddick. Vaako, however, moves to assassinate him, and Zhylaw dodges into the path of Riddick, who drives his knife through his skull. *'''I was always with you. I was.''' **Who: Kyra/Jack **Note: Character had been impaled on a spike after attacking the Lord Marshal. Riddick repeated an earlier question ("Are you with me, Kyra?") and she says this before dying. ====''[[w:The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury|The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury]]'' (2004)==== *'''Huh!?''' **Who: Junner **Note: Said during a fight with Riddick, after he cuts a wire thrown around his neck, unaware that it controls the lights. He is then stabbed through the eye by Riddick. *'''Back to hell with you! You bloody, stinking savage!''' **Who: Antonia Chillingsworth **Note: Said after attacking Riddick, who has killed most of her crew and many of her specimens. She has her head blown off by Jack before she can finish Riddick off. ===''[[Citizen Kane]]'' (1941)=== *'''Rosebud...''' **Who: [[w:Charles Foster Kane|Charles Foster Kane]] ([[Orson Welles]]) **Note: Said before dying and the snow globe falls off his hands as it shatters right after whispering this word through the extreme close-up shot of his mouth. The rest of the movie focuses around his dying word. At the very end of the film, it is revealed that when he was young, he had a sled known as "Rosebud." ===''[[w:Cinderella (2015 Disney film)|Cinderella]]'' (2015)=== *'''I love you.''' **Who: Ella's Mother **Note: Said before she passes away from a grave illness. *'''I love you, too!''' **Who: Ella's Father **Note: Said before he takes ill and dies during his trip. *'''I love you, son.''' **Who: The King **Note: Said before he passes away on his deathbed. ===''[[Clerks (film)|Clerks]]'' (1994)=== *'''Oh thank you, sonny boy, I appreciate it.''' **Who: Jewish man **Note: He had requested to use the restroom at the Quik Stop and asked for an adult magazine to read. He is found dead later on in the movie from a heart attack caused by him gratifying himself. ===''[[Click (2006 film)|Click]]'' (2006)=== *'''Bill, Bill, Bill.''' [flips him off but he signifies an okay sign, indicating he's made peace with him; holding Donna's hand] '''I'm sorry.''' **Who: Michael Newman ([[Adam Sandler]]) **Note: The character says this line to his family on the street. He dies of cancer after that. However, it is soon revealed that this and the events that took place after he acquired the remote were in a dream sequence. ===''[[Cliffhanger (film)|Cliffhanger]]'' (1993)=== *'''I'm at the cases; Standing by.''' **Who: Treasury Co-Pilot (Kim Robillard) **Note: Said whilst preparing to send the stolen money cases over to Qualen's plane, but is caught in the act by an injured Matheson and shot, sending him falling out of the jet. *'''You fuck...!''' **Who: Agent Matheson (Vyto Ruginis) **Note: Said before killing the rogue pilot who's in league with Eric Qualen. He fights a gun battle trying to stop the heist of the money and kills some of the members of Qualen's gang, but fails to spot Travers' bomb in time and is blown up along with the jet meant to carry the cases of money. *'''Time to kill a mountain man. It amazes me, in this day and age, when a man will put money before the personal safety of himself and his bitch. At least you can go to your grave knowing that I'm gonna treat the bitch RIGHT!''' **Who: Kynette (Leon Robinson) **Note: Said knowing Gabe Walker will refuse to surrender the money to him without a fight. However, Gabe hits him in the groin and pushes him up to a stalagmite impaling him. *'''Look, I came here to help you.''' **Who: Ranger Frank (Ralph White) **Note: Said when he is surprised when Kristel aims his own gun at him. Delmar replies, "You did!" and aims his sub-machine gun at him. Hal Tucker tries to warn him, but Delmar guns him down. In his dying breaths, he mouths inaudible words to Hal who angrily barbs, "This man never hurt anybody!" *'''What are you doing, Eric?''' [Qualen: Do you know what real love is?] '''No.''' **Who: Kristel (Caroline Goodall) **Note: Said as Qualen holds her at gunpoint and says "Sacrifice, then shoots her in the abdomen, killing her. *'''Striker lines up at the penalty spot. He focuses on the ball. The crowd is on its feet. The striker moves to his left. He draws back his foot. He comes in.''' **Who: Delmar (Craig Fairbrass) **Note: Said while trying to kick Hal Tucker over the cliffs, then insanely snickers while trying to loosen the climber's grip. Thankfully, Hal stabs him in the leg, steals his shotgun and declares "Season's over, asshole!" then blasts him, sending Delmar falling to his death. *'''I won, Walker!''' **Who: Richard Travers (Rex Linn) **Note: Said thinking he can finish Gabe Walker who is swimming under a frozen lake. But Gabe uses an underwater pistol to shoot through and kill Travers, sending the rogue agent to an icy watery grave. *'''We've had a deal; And now we've just got each other! You're not afraid to die?!''' **Who: Eric Qualen (John Lithgow) **Note: Said while fighting Gabe Walker on the dangling rescue helicopter. Gabe breaks free then gives him a beat down and a gloat "Remember, shithead; Keep your arms and legs in the vehicle...at all TIMES!" then punches Qualen into the helicopter, sending both it and the screaming villain falling to a fiery death. ===''[[Cloverfield]]'' (2008)=== *'''Why did you stop?!''' **Who: Jason Hawkins **Note: While trying to escape New York by means of the Brooklyn Bridge, the group gets separated by the pushing crowd. As they get separated, the monster appears again. Jason, unaware of this, climbs a lamppost and asks why the others stopped; as he does, the monster's tail inadvertently destroys the bridge, sending Jason and hundreds of other people to their deaths. *'''Yes there are pieces falling off, and whatever they are they are moving...Oh my God...They're moving, oh my-OH MY GOD!!!!''' ''[becomes unintelligible screaming]'' **Who: A news reporter **Note: As the military begins attacking the monster, a news reporter reporting from the ground talks about the creature. She is asked about the parasites falling off the creature, and as she reports the parasites begin attacking her. *'''Hud? I don't feel so good...''' **Who: Marlena Diamond **Note: Character had previously been bitten by a parasitic creature, which causes her to begin to bleed out of her eyes, nose, and mouth. She is escorted behind a screen by the military, where her body expands and viscerally explodes. *'''What-OH!...Oh no...oh...''' **Who: Hudson "Hud" Platt **Note: After the helicopter the army used to evacuate citizens crashes, Hud, Rob, and Beth find themselves in Central Park. While helping an injured Rob out of the wreckage, Hud drops the camera he has used to record the events of the monster's attack on the city. As he runs to retrieve it, he finds himself in the shadow of the monster itself; paralyzed by fear, he films it as it looks around, notices him, and eventually snaps him up in its jaws and bites him in half. *'''Look at me! Look at me! Look at me. I love you!''' **Who: Rob Hawkins **Note: Character was speaking to Elizabeth McIntyre just before an array of bombs was set off in an effort to destroy a huge monster attacking New York City. His death is highly probable; however, some suggest that he did survive. *'''I love you!''' **Who: Elizabeth McIntyre **Note: Character was responding to Rob Hawkins just before bombs were dropped on Manhattan in an attempt to destroy an enormous sea monster. Her death is likely, although a supposed alternative ending suggests her survival. ===''[[Clue (film)|Clue]]'' (1985)=== *'''Dinner will be ready at 7:30.''' **Who: The Cook **Note: The character speaks once in the film, and she doesn't speak for the rest of her appearances. She was later found dead with the dagger. *'''The only way to avoid finding yourselves on the front pages, is for one of you to kill Wadsworth...NOW!''' **Who: Mr. Boddy **Note: The character was blackmailing the guests and, in an attempt to save himself from jail, attempted to get Wadsworth killed to stop both himself and the guests from being exposed, but the plan backfired when he turned out the lights, so he pretends to be killed. He was later found dead with candlestick wounds. *'''I'm a little nervous. I'm in this big house and I've been locked into the lounge. [the person on the phone says something] Yes. The funny thing is, there's a whole group of people here having some sort of party, and one of them is my old boss from-''' **Who: The Motorist **Note: One of Mr. Boddy's informers, character was talking on a telephone to another person, while the murderer crept up behind him and killed him in one blow with the wrench. *'''They must have. And not just my face. They know every inch of my body. And they're not the only ones...IT'S YOU!!!''' **Who: Yvette **Note: She was strangled with the rope in the billiard room. *'''No, I'm not on duty, but I have a feeling that I'm in danger. You know that big ugly house on top-Hello? Hello? Are you there?''' **Who: The Cop **Note: Character, like the motorist, was talking on the phone while the murderer crept up behind him, cut the phone line, and then killed him with the lead pipe. *'''Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh...I-am-your singing telegram!''' **Who: The Singing Telegram Lady **Note: Character appeared at the door and sang her message before being shot with the revolver. *'''Good shot, Green...Very good.''' **Who: Wadsworth/Mr. Boddy **Note: Character has just been shot by Mr. Green. (True ending). ===''[[Collateral (film)|Collateral]]'' (2004)=== *'''Hey Max...A guy gets on the MTA here in LA and dies. Think anybody will notice?''' **Who: Vincent **Note: Character has been mortally wounded after chasing Max onto an MTA train. Character is referencing a story he told Max earlier, about a man who died on the MTA and nobody noticed for six hours. ===''[[Commando (1985 film)|Commando]]'' (1985)=== *'''Kill her.''' **Who: Arius **Note: Said to Bennett referring to Jenny, after he receives a phone call announcing that John wasn't on the plane and orders Jenny's execution. Shortly thereafter, Arius is shot by John and falls over a balcony to his death. *['''John Matrix:''' Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?] '''That's right, Matrix! You did!''' ['''John Matrix:''' I lied.] **Who: Sully **Note: Said to John, who is dangling Sully by his leg over a cliff, in response to John asking, "Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?" John then bluntly says, "I lied." and drops Sully. When Cindy asks of him afterword, John simply says "I let him go.". *'''Open your mouth again and I'll nail it shut.''' **Who: Henrique **Note: Said to John when John answers, "Just him" to the flight attendant when asked if he has any carry-on luggage. A few moments later, John knocks Henrique out and breaks his neck. John then makes the excuse to the stewardess "Don't disturb my friend, he's dead tired.". *'''John, I feel good!''' ''[punches John Matrix]'' '''Just like old times!''' ''[punches John Matrix]'' '''What's it feel like to be a dying man?!''' ''[punches John Matrix]'' '''You're a dead man, John!''' ['''John Matrix:''' Bull'''''shit!''''' ''[punches Bennett multiple times]''] '''John, I'm not gonna shoot you between the eyes!''' ''[John Matrix tears off pipe]'' '''I'm gonna shoot you between the balls!''' ''[John Matrix impales Bennett and Bennett groans and dies]'' ['''John Matrix:''' Let off some steam, Bennett.] **Who: Bennett **Note: After he's electrocuted, he punches and taunts John, calling him a "dead man", to which John Matrix replies "Bull'''''shit!'''''" breaks a pipe loose. John Matrix then throws the pipe at Bennett, and it impales him in his chest. Afterwards, John Matrix says "Let off some steam, Bennett." *'''Fuck you, asshole!''' **Who: Cooke **Note: Says this while fighting John, only to find that he is out of bullets. A few moments later, Cooke falls backwards onto a table leg which runs him through. *'''I thought you might miss me.''' **Who: Lawson **Note: Said to Cooke, who he thinks is a garbage man. Cooke responds, "Don't worry, we won't.", and then he and his partner shoot Lawson dead. *'''Hey, you can't drive that in here!''' **Who: Forrestal **Note: Yells this at Cooke, who is stealing a car, before being run over by Cooke. *'''And if you want your kid back, then you gotta cooperate, right?''' **Who: Diaz **Note: Said to John, who replies, "Wrong." and shoots Diaz in the head. ===''[[Con Air]]'' (1997)=== *'''Almost ready?''' **Who: Starkey **Notes: One of the guards stationed in Carson City overseeing the transfer of prisoners from the Jailbird. He attempts to stall Cyrus's gang of prisoners with this, which the disguised Cyrus replies "Won't be long now." Cyrus senses trouble when he sees more police cars and shoots Starkey in the head before he can get a shot off. *'''Cyrus! Help me!''' [Cyrus: Looks like you missed your connection.] '''We, we were coming to get you. Please. Cy-''' [Cyrus: ...onara.] '''''NOOOO!''''' **Who: Francisco Cindino **Notes: A drug lord who planned to leave Cyrus. After Vince Larkin stops him from escaping, Cindino tries to explain himself, but Cyrus doesn't buy it and burns the drug lord alive. *'''Before I kill you, Poe, I just wanted you to know that the last thing that little Casey Poe ever gets to smell will be my...stinking...breath.''' **Who: Cyrus "The Virus" Grissom **Notes: The villain behind the Jailbird hijacking, with the plane crash-landing in Las Vegas, Cyrus gloats that after he kills Cameron Poe, he would go after his daughter Casey. Later after this, after a high-speed chase, Poe replies in kind "You ain't gettin' near my daughter, BUCKLE UP!" then handcuffs Cyrus to the firetruck. Poe leaves Cyrus to die under a piledriver that crushes his head to a pulp. ===''[[Conan the Barbarian (1982 film)|Conan the Barbarian]]'' (1982)=== *'''My child, you have come to me, my son. For who now is your father if it is not me? I am the well spring, from which you flow. When I am gone, you will have never been. What would your world be, without me? My son.''' **Who: Thulsa Doom **Note: Spoken as Thulsa tries to hynpotize Conan, but Conan decapitates Thulsa and throws his head down a flight of stairs. ===''[[Conan the Destroyer]]'' (1984)=== *'''too late, my friends. But come; Come anyway.''' **Who: Toth-Amon **Notes: A hostile wizard who kidnaps Jehnna to see if she can touch the Heart of Ahriman. After saying this to Conan's party, he engages Conan using the illusion of a ferocious man-ape. After an intense fight, Conan smashes the mirrors and defeats the wizard by slinging his sword at one of the remaining two mirrors. Beaten, Toth-Amon touches the jewel which will only accept Jehnna's hands and is vaporized. *'''KILL HER! Kill her, she must be sacrificed!''' **Who: Queen Taramis **Notes: The wicked queen of Shadizar seeking to revive Dagoth the Dreaming God and rule the world. During the ritual intended to sacrifice her daughter Jehnna, Zula runs the Grand Vizier through with her spear, giving Dagoth an improper sacrifice. Taramis yells this to her fleeing subjects, then tries to sacrifice Jehnna by herself, only for Conan to push the queen into the demonic Dagoth who impales her on his horn. ===''[[Conan the Barbarian (2011 film)|Conan the Barbarian]]'' (2011)=== *'''I love you, son.''' **Who: Corin **Notes: Conan's father who is interrogated on a piece of Mask of Acheron with which Khalar Zym plans to rule Hyboria. Despite Conan's attempts to save him from the molten steel, Corin assures his love for his son and is burned alive. *'''You will never rule, and Maliva will never rise again!''' **Who: Fassir **Notes: One of the monks of Shaipur, Fassir is interrogated on the whereabouts of the pureblood of Acheron. Assuring that Khalar Zym will never rule and Maliva will never be resurrected, Zym screams in anger and bashes the monk's head into the ground. *'''You see? I speak the truth! If you want, he will give your weight in gold for this woman. I will arrange everything. I will deliver the message.''' **Who: Remo **Notes: Upon sighting Khalar Zym's army marching to meet him, Remo hopes to make a deal for Conan and Zym. Conan then catapults him the warrior into Zym's flagship, killing him. *'''MALIVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!''' *Who: Khalar Zym **Notes: A warlord with the desire to resurrect Maliva and rule the world with her, he attempts to resurrect his wife through Tamara. Just as Corin warned years ago, Conan warns that "god or not" he would fall. As he falls to his death, Zym cries out to his wife. ===''[[Coraline (film)|Coraline]]'' (2009)=== *'''Sorry. So sorry. Mother making me. Don't wanna hurt you. Take It!''' **Who: Other Father **Note: The Other Father has been forced to attack Coraline with his mantis machine, only to end up burrowing through a bridge and into the water below; he has just enough time to give Coraline one of the ghosts' eyes before sinking. *'''Thief! Give it back! Thief! Give it back! Thief! Give it back! Thief! Thief! Give it back! Thief! Give it back! Thief! Stop! Stop! Thief! Thief! Stop!''' **Who: Other Spink and Forcible **Note: Other Spink and Forcible have just caught Coraline trying to steal one of the ghosts' eyes from them. *'''Not even ''that'' anymore.''' **Who: Other Bobinsky **Note: Coraline has observed that the Other Bobinsky is just a copy of the real Mr Bobinsky; Other Bobinsky responds with the above lines, before dissolving into a swarm of rats - the leader of which is killed by the Cat. *'''Don't leave me! Don't leave me, Coraline! I'll die without you! Noooooooo!!!!''' **Who: Other Mother ([[w:Teri Hatcher|Teri Hatcher]]) **Note: The Other Mother's last spoken words before the Other World collapses around her and she is left unable to feed on Coraline. Her hand manages to escape shortly after and attack Coraline, but is smashed by Wybie and thrown into a well, presumably killing the Other Mother once and for all. ===''[[Cool Hand Luke]]'' (1967)=== *'''What we've got here is a failure to communicate.''' **Who: Lucas "Luke: Jackson **Note: Said when faced with the possibility of surrendering peacefully. In response, Boss Godfrey opens fire hitting Luke in the throat. Dragline vents his frustration on Godfrey before being subdued. Despite Godfrey's pleas to save his life, Luke smiles as he is taken to the prison infirmary but dies before arrival. ===''[[The Core]]'' (2003)=== *'''Good morning. Now, before we begin, let me-''' **Who: David **Note: Character was about to begin a business meeting, when he suddenly falls unconscious, as do 31 other people across a 10-block-wide area. They are revealed to have died when their pacemakers were short-circuited by a geomagnetic instability. *'''We got lucky! We can swim right out of this one!''' **Who: Commander Robert Iverson **Note: Character says this line before being struck through the head by a crystal and falling into lava. *'''Josh? Where are you? I can't see you!''' **Who: Dr. Serge Leveque **Note: Said to Dr. Josh Keyes as he is being squeezed to death by pressure. *'''No. Start...the impeller.''' **Who: Edward "Braz" Brazzelton **Note: Character says this as he sacrifices himself to deactivate a safety switch, before being incinerated. *'''From here, in the great, infinite unknowable, man can come to know the most important thing of all: himself. He can understand...What am I doing?''' [laughter] **Who: Dr. Conrad Zimsky **Note: Said while recording final thoughts as he awaits a nuclear bomb to explode, killing him. ===''[[Corpse Bride]]'' (2005)=== *[Maggot: Let me have him! Let me have him! No! Don't-Dont hold me back!] [Elder Gutneckt: Wait! We must abide by their rules! We are amongst the living!] '''Well said.''' **Who: Barkis Bittern ([[w:Richard E. Grant|Richard E. Grant]]) **Note: After this line is said, the character drinks from a goblet of poisonous wine that causes his heart to stop beating forever. ===''[[Crank (film)|Crank]]'' (2006)=== *'''Hey doll, looks like I let you down again. It's like all my life I've just been going, going, going. Wish I'd taken more time to stop and smell the roses so to speak. Guess it's too late for that now. You're the greatest, baby.''' **Who: Chev Chelios **Note: Said to his girlfriend on a cell phone as he falls from a helicopter to his death. In the sequel, the character "got better". ===''[[Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon]]'' (2000)=== *'''I would rather be a ghost, drifting by your side as a condemned soul, than enter heaven without you. Because of your love, I will never be a lonely spirit.''' **Who: Li Mu Bai ([[w:Chow Yun Fat|Chow Yun Fat]]) ===''[[The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (film)|The Curious Case of Benjamin Button]]'' (2008)=== *'''Good night, Benjamin.''' **Who: Daisy Williams ==D== ===''[[The Da Vinci Code (film)|The Da Vinci Code]]'' (2006)=== *'''I am a ghost.''' **Who: Silas ===''[[Dante's Peak]]'' (1997)=== ===''[[Daredevil (film)|Daredevil]]'' (2003)=== *'''Help me.''' **Who: [[w: Elektra Natchios|Elektra Natchios]] **Note: Last words to [[w: Daredevil (Marvel Comics)|Daredevil]] (real name: Matt Murdock), after crawling to him after being stabbed by [[w: Bullseye (comics)|Bullseye]]. In the Marvel comic book [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daredevil_%28Marvel_Comics29#Frank_Miller.2C_the_Kingpin_and_ninjas Daredevil #181], her last word is "Matt...". It should also be noted that she is resurrected later on. ===''[[w:Darkman|Darkman]]'' (1990)=== *'''His name's Robert G. Durant! I told you where they make the pickup!''' ''[screams under the water torture]'' '''Oh, God! Don't! I've told you everything!''' **Who: Rick Anderson **Note: Says these while being tortured for information by Darkman who was once Peyton Westlake until he was heavily scarred by the fiery explosion. Darkman recognizing him for killing his assistant and friend Yakitito calmly says "I know Rick. I know you did..." then barbs "But let's pretend you didn't!" then traps him in heavy traffic until a truck crushes Rick's head to a pulp. *'''What money? I swear to God, Mr. Durant, I didn't make the pickup. I've been right here sleeping; Jesus, I swear to God. I don't even know how I got dressed! **Who: Pauly Mazzuchelli **Note: Tries to explain these after Darkman masquerading as him had extended his sleep with chloroform, planted evidence of stealing money from Durant and intending to go away with the recently murdered Rick to Rio de Janeiro. Durant setting the plane ticket in Pauly's shirt pocket bids "Have a nice flight." then throws his supposed traitor out the window of his apartment landing fatally on a car. *'''Don't shoot, Smiley, it's Guzman!''' **Who: Rudy Guzman **Note: Pleads this wearing a synthetic mask of Westlake's former face before being riddled with machine gun fire carelessly by Smiley. By the time Smiley realizes he shot his friend accidentally, he curses "Holy shit...!" *'''Oh, shit!''' **Who: Smiley **Note: Said after spotting that Darkman has begun spraying gas all over his hideaway lab and even fools the insane henchman with a hologram drinking bird. Then, the real drinking bird ignites a cigarette lighter away from Smiley igniting the gas blowing Smiley and the hideaway up. *'''No! Noooooooo-!''' **Who: Robert G. Durant **Note: After Darkman hooks the gangster's helicopter to a truck, he taunts "Kiss your ass goodbye!" while Durant cries this before he and his helicopter crew are killed in the crash at a tunnel entrance possibly. Darkman then takes his time to taunt "Burn in hell!" *'''Go ahead! Do it! Do it, Westlake! But think of this; You let me die, and you become as bad as me, worse! Ha ha! you can't! I know you too well. Dropping me is not really an option for you. It's not something you could live with.''' **Who: Louis Strack Jr. **Note: Taunts these when Darkman has him dangling from one of Strack's under construction skyscrapers. After a moment of hesitation, Darkman releases his grip and lets Strack fall to his death on the pavement while saying "I'm learning to live with a lot of thing..." ===''[[The Day After Tomorrow]]'' (2004)=== *'''I'm just now leaving the office.''' **Who: Taka **Note: Taka receives a call from his wife wondering where he is, before a huge hailstorm strikes and kills Taka. *'''God! Oh my...God!''' **Who: Geoff **Note: Character is watching in horror as tornadoes destroy Los Angeles. As he gets into a car to escape, one of the tornadoes drops a bus onto the car, crushing it and him. *'''You've gotta get outta there, man!''' **Who: L.A. weather man **Note: Spoken to Geoff over the phone while watching him in the middle of the tornado swarm on TV. He is killed moments later when a tornado hits the building he's in. *'''What's happening?''' **Who: L.A. weather man's wife **Note: She dies with her husband when the building they're in is hit by a tornado. *'''Engage emergency fuel! Come on, you bastard! COME ON!''' **Who: An RAF helicopter pilot **Note: Character is futilely trying to regain control of his helicopter before it crashes. The chopper's fuel lines and that of two others froze in the eye of the superstorm, where temperatures rapidly drop to -150 degrees. After the helicopter crashes, the pilot himself is quickly frozen solid, killing him. *'''I just wish I could have seen him grow up, you know?''' **Who: Simon **Note: Character is referring to his infant son, who he will never see again as he dies soon after in the superstorm. *'''The important thing is that he ''will'' grow up.''' **Who: Professor Terry Rapson **Note: Character is assuring Simon about the latter's son *'''Amen.''' **Who: Dennis *'''Too much weight! It's not gonna hold.''' **Who: Frank Harris **Note: After he falls through the glass roof of a snowed-over mall, his colleagues try to pull him up, but the glass under them cannot hold their weight. Realizing this, Frank, in an act of self-sacrifice, cuts the rope holding him up and falls to his death. *'''Mr. President. I'm sorry, sir, we can't hold out any longer. We're the last ones.''' **Who: General *'''Alright.''' **Who: President Blake **Note: Not the character's actual last words, but the still last spoken on-screen. In the next scene, it is revealed his motorcade got caught in the superstorm and he died. ===''DC Extended Universe''=== * See [[Last words in DC Comics media|''last words in ''DC Comics'' media'']]. ===''[[Deadpool_(film)|Deadpool]]'' (2016)=== *'''Wade...''' **Who: David Cunningham **Note: Engulfed on flames after an explosion caused by Wade Wilson lighting a match into the chamber's oxygen tank. *'''What's my name?''' **Who: Francis Freeman **Note: Said roughly half a minute before getting shot in the face by Deadpool. ===''[[w:Dead Space: Downfall|Dead Space: Downfall]]'' (2008)=== *'''They want our bodies...this is mine...My blood and my bone and my flesh...''' **Who: Jen Barrow **Notes: Jen has scrawled the same runes that adorn the Marker on the walls of her home, and carved them into her skin. After saying this line to her husband, she partially decapitates herself with a pickax. She is reanimated as a Slasher. *'''OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!''' **Who: Dig crew Foreman **Note: The only crew the Ishimura is able to raise is under attack by Necromorph organisms. After shrieking this line, his head is torn off. *'''Shuttle seven! You cannot land on board the ''Ishimura'' at this time. You must turn back ''immediately''. Shuttle seven, do you read-''' [Barrow: [punches viewscreen] Fuck you, ''Ishimura''! Landing, crashing or shot down. Pick one! But there's no way in Hell we're going back!] **Who: Foreman Barrow **Notes: His wife kills herself under the Marker's influence. This drives him mad. He jumps into a survey ship to bring them home. In his panic, he doesn't notice the Infector that slips into his shuttlecraft. It reanimates his wife, who kills him. *''[Weakly]'' '''No...No...''' **Who: Hans Leggio **Notes: The character, a psychotic who killed under the influence of the Marker, wakes up in the hospital. He steps out into the morgue, and notices Necromorph Infectors working on the corpses. He turns to run, and is impaled by a Pregnant. He himself is transformed into a Slasher, and attacks Vincent's team. *'''I'm no doctor, but it looks like something's been...''chewing'' on him.''' [Pendleton: This shit just keeps getting weirder by the second.] '''Sounds like a date with Shen.''' [Shen: Fuck you, rookie.] **Who: Dobbs **Notes: Alissa's team comes across the horrendously mutated corpse of Leggio, who attacks Dobbs while he is examining a shred of intestine (and bickering with Shen]. He stabs Dobbs to death and bites a chunk from his hand. *'''Bastard!''' ''[raving]'' '''Get away from me!''' **Who: Captain Benjamin Matthaius **Notes: The captain has lost his mind, raving ever louder about the Artefact, and growing more violent and paranoid until he has to be physically restrained. White and Chic try to hold him down while Kyne sedates him. He breaks free and starts to throttle Kyne, who stabs him in the eye with a hypodermic, possibly in self-defense, but more likely by accident. *'''These guys ain't so tough.''' **Who: Shen **Note: She has fought off a Pregnant, the horde of Swarmers it was carrying, and several slashers only to be stabbed and bisected by Hansen, who has gone completely mad after fending off a Lurker. *'''Help! Please!''' ''[breaks down, crying]'' '''Please! Please!''' ''[sobbing]'' '''Please!''' **Who: Unidentified Female crew member **Note: A group of slashers are working on the barracks door. She calls for help, and Vincent's team rescues them. The entire rescued group is killed by slashers later. *'''Holy creatures, transform me into your humble servant, as you alter my flesh and free my soul.''' **Who: Samuel Irons **Samuel is a very devout "Unitologist", a religious group that seems to revere the Necromorphs as angels, apparently. However, he only succumbs after being stabbed and surrounded. *'''I'm losing it, Alissa. They're in my head, and I want to hurt you.''' [Alissa: What the-what are you doing?] '''The door won't hold them for long. I'm giving you a head start.''' [Alissa: Knock it off, they'll kill you!] '''It's been an honor to serve with you, boss.''' **Who: Ramirez **Note: Ramirez has hotwired a sealed door that he and Alissa need to go through. He has recanted his reasons for joining the ship's Security force, with a swarm of Slashers getting ever nearer. He forces Alissa through the doors, which he then shorts closed. He is then torn apart. *'''Here we go.''' **Who: Alissa **Note: Alissa has recorded a distress signal to the emergency beacon of Barrow's crashed survey ship. However, the beacon must be launched manually. She opens the Cargo Bay loading doors and launches the beacon. She is then sucked out into space. ===''[[The Dead Zone (film)|The Dead Zone]]'' (1983)=== *'''You're finished.''' **Who: John Smith **Notes: Smith, a psychic with visions of the future, had previously had a vision of popular politician Greg Stillson starting a nuclear war as President. Smith had attempted to assassinate Stillson, but was mortally wounded by Stillson's bodyguards. Stillson had used a child as a human shield during this assassination attempt in an act of extreme cowardice. However, before he dies, Smith sees a vision of Stillson instead committing suicide in the wake of a scandal involving a published photo of Stillson holding the child amidst gunfire. ===''[[w:Death Note (2006 film)|Death Note]]'' (2006)=== *'''But if we allow people to be judged apart from the ruling law, then this civilized world will be reduced to a scene of brutality and violence.''' **Who: Lind L. Tailor **Note: Said in a speech to handle the Kira situation never knowing that Light has written his name into the Death Note. Forty seconds after that writing, Lind L. Tailor suffers a heart attack and dies before his execution could be carried out. ===''[[w:Death Note 2: The Last Name|Death Note 2: The Last Name]]'' (2006)=== *'''Kira was real justice! Oh, Dad, please understand.''' **Who: Light Yagami **Note: Said to his father, right before he dies of a heart attack caused by the Shinigami Ryuk ===''[[The Death of Stalin]]'' (2017)=== *'''Oh... fuck. Fuck!''' **Who: Joseph Stalin **Note: Said as he begins to feel the effects of an ultimately fatal stroke. He subsequently mumbles incoherently a few times before dying in a later scene. *'''Long live Stalin!''' [Officer: Stalin is dead. Malenkov is leader now.] '''Oh. Long live Malenkov-''' **Who: Prisoner **Note: The prisoner proclaims his loyalty to Stalin in a futile attempt to avoid execution. The officer informs the prisoner that Stalin is no longer alive, before shooting him. *'''No! No, please! Please don't shoot me! Don't hurt me! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I-''' **Who: Lavrentiy Beria **Note: After being sentenced to death by Khrushchev in a show trial, Beria is dragged out of the makeshift courtroom into the yard, before being shot through the head. ===''[[Death Race (film)|Death Race]]'' (2008)=== *'''Punch out!''' **Who: Frankenstein (Niles York) **Note: Telling his navigator to use the catapult seat to escape the car. He himself is blown up by "Machine Gun" Joe. Though he survives the explosion, according to the warden, he died on an operating table later during reconstruction surgery. *'''Let's go crazy.''' **Who: Suzy **Note: said while taking out a beer from the fridge. Pachenko then murders her off-screen. *'''I'm the fucking Reaper, baby! can't kill me! you can burn me...you can fucking shoot me, but you can't motherfucking KILL me!''' **Who: Hector Grimm **Note: He crashes his car but survives. He crawls out and addresses Hennessy over a security camera. He is then run over by Machine Gun Joe instantly after saying this line. *'''Oh, Shit!''' **Who: Travis Colt **Note: His car is covered in napalm. He utters this line when he sees Case throw a cigarette lighter on the hood, burning his car, before Machine Gun Joe finishes him off. *'''It was Hennessey...Hennessey...''' **Who: Pachenko **Note: Jensen has just rammed Pachenko's car into a wall; Pachenko crawls out, and says this line when Jensen sneaks up on him and grabs him by the throat, threatening to snap his neck because Pachenko had murdered his wife, Suzy. Trying to convince Jensen not to kill him, Pachenko blames Hennessey for Suzy's murder, as he had been acting on Hennessey's orders when he had killed Suzy; Jensen snaps his neck anyway, replying "I know...she's next." *'''Fuck me...''' **Who: 14K **Note: Said as he realized he was about to get killed. He is then blown up. (Always talking Chinese with English subtitles, this time the subtitles are in Chinese as he speaks in English). *'''You win again.''' **Who: Mr. Ulrich *'''Mr. Ulrich...I ALWAYS win.''' **Who: Hennessey **Note: Said before opening a congratulations-gift. Inside is a bomb they had placed in Frankensteins car. Outside Coach is standing with the detonator. he says 'Damn...' before pressing the button, killing Ulrich and Hennessey. he then finishes with '...I LOVE this game.' ===''[[w:Death Race 2000|Death Race 2000]]'' (1975)=== *'''Go for the baby! The baby!''' **Who: Cleopatra *'''Bye bye, baby! Hello, seventy points!''' **Who: Nero the Hero ***Note: The two are killed by a bomb hidden in the doll disguised as a baby. *'''Look at that stupid hole right in the middle.''' **Who: Blond haired man at improvised roadblock *'''They won't get through there.''' **Who: Black haired man at improvised roadblock ***Note: They are immediately run over by Mathilda the Hun, who drives through the other direction *'''Hey, dummy! Come over and hold the ladder!''' **Who: Man hanging up a "Welcome Frankenstein" banner, who is run down by Machine Gun Joe Viterbo shortly afterwards *'''Let not the ruin of thy roads destruct the tires of thy...AUGH!''' **Who: The Deacon of the Bipartisan Party ***Note: He is run over by Frankenstein while attempting to retrieve his glove *'''I've seen you before! I'm one of your greatest fans, you know that? I follow all of the races! I've got pictures of you all over the outhouse. I've named my favorite dog after you, Mr. Frankenstein, I did.''' **Who: Fisherman, mistaking Machine Gun Joe Viterbo for Frankenstein (Joe runs him over immediately afterwards). *'''I'm almost finished Calamity, sweetheart! We'll be back on the road in no time! Then we'll cream that Nazi's ass for us!''' **Who: Pete, Calamity Jane's navigator ***Note: He is run over by Mathilda the Hun as he is working on Jane's car. *'''A detour? I really needed that right now!''' **Who: Mathilda the Hun ***Note: The detour was a fake, and leads her to drive off a cliff. *'''Shaddup! What's wrong wit' ya? Keep yer hands off the wheel, ya' moron!''' **Who: Machine Gun Joe Viterbo *'''Will you stop the goddamned car? Stop the car! Stop it!''' **Who: Myra (His navigator) ***Note: They are blown up by a Frankenstein's bomb-hand. *'''Frankenstein?''' **Who: Mr. President ***Note: He is killed when Frankenstein drives his car into the podium he stands on. ===''[[w:Death Race 2050|Death Race 2050]]'' (2017)=== *'''I don't wanna die sober.''' **Who: Chi Wapp **Notes: Minerva's proxy. Driven to a dead end by Tammy's goons, he is knocked out of the car and attempts to get back in, but the goon knocks him down. Chi then says this before he and the goon are blown up. *'''I see God...And she's black as fuck...!''' **Who: Minerva Jefferson **Notes: A hip-hop themed racer, having been injured by the fall of her car, Minerva gloats this to her rival, Tammy the Terrorist, before succumbing to her injuries. *'''Not fair. Not fair!''' **Who: Tammy the Terrorist *I know. Too bad. **Who: ABE **Notes: The former is a religious terrorist-themed racer, while the latter is an AI controlled race car. As Tammy cries in the former, ABE gloats his latter, then self-destructs, killing both himself and Tammy. *'''Balls.''' **Who: Alexis Hamilton **Notes: The leader of an anti-Death Race resistance, Alexis Hamilton attempts to stop Frankenstein and her mole, Annie Sullivan from reaching the finish line. But eventually, Hamilton curses this, before she and her crew collide with a wall and blow up. *'''I AM PERFECTUS! I AM PERFECTION!''' **Who: Jed Perfectus **Notes: Having unknowingly lost control of his car and flown off a cliff, Jed cries out his name before he winds up crashing into JB's studio and dies instantly. *'''Motherfucker!''' **Who: Mr. Chairman **Notes: At the conclusion of the race, Frankenstein declares that the kill for Mr. Chairman be worth 1,000 points. Hearing that, Mr. Chairman curses this, before being run down by Frankenstein. *'''You guys are all TOAST!''' **Who: Steve **Notes: After Frankenstein declares that the people start their own Death Race, the people begin to fly into a wild frenzy. Steve, who is among them after watching through Annie's VR, tries to leave, but is hit by Molotov cocktails and crashes, leaving only his severed head. ===''Death Warrant'' (1990)=== *'''You can't kill me, Burke. I'm the Sandman...!''' **Who: Christian "The Sandman" Naylor **Note: Taunts his near invulnerability after being pierced on a valve stem. Even as he laughs in hysteria, his nemesis, Det. Burke pushes his jaw further in to finally kill the villain. ===''[[The Deer Hunter]]'' (1978)=== *'''One shot?''' ''[Michael: One shot...! One shot.]'' [''Nick and Michael share a laugh''] '''Yeah.''' **Who: Nikanor "Nick" Chevotarevich **Note: Character exchanges these words with his best friend Michael during their Russian Roulette contest in Saigon. Having lost the will to live after that, Nick turns the gun to his head and as the bullet was ready on that turn, kills himself to Michael's horror. Nick is then returned home to America to be buried with full honors. ===''[[Déjà Vu (2006 film)|Déjà Vu]]'' (2006)=== *'''It's not supposed to be this way.''' **Who: Carroll Oerstadt *'''Hit it.''' **Who: Douglas Carlin **Note: Character had traveled back in time, effectively creating a second version of himself. It is this version who dies, but another Douglas Carlin survives. ===''[[w:The Delta Force|The Delta Force]]'' (1986)=== *'''God almighty.''' **Who: Jamil **Note: Said in Arabic when he spots McCoy and Bobby waiting to ambush with rocket launchers. The two Delta Force operatives then blast him with the rockets. *'''Anybody here?''' **Who: Abdul Rifai **Note: Said in Arabic looking for a hiding place to escape from Delta Force in a small house. These are his last known words as he is blocked off by McCoy who taunts "Going somewhere?" He then engages McCoy in an intense fight through the house; It concludes with Abdul attempting escape and McCoy blowing him up with his motorcycle rockets. *'''Well, I'll see you there, Scott... I'll see you when I see you...''' **Who: Pete Peterson **Note: Said having been mortally wounded by Abdul Rifai after his team have accomplished the mission to extricate the kidnapped plane passengers. He dies with nothing that could be done to save him as Father O'Malley prays "Greater love no man hath than he gives up his life for a friend. Heavenly father, we humbly ask you that you cherish this move loving soul in the palm of your hand for eternity." ===''[[w:Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection|Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection]]''=== *'''You son of a bitch. You're dead! You remember your friend and his beautiful wife? I think I'll kill you personally like I did them. Because you know I'm gonna walk out of that court just like I did before. And I think I'll double the shipments of cocaine to America next year. And then again the year after that until the cocaine flows like a river in your pathetic country. And your government can't stop it. You see, cocaine can buy anything and anybody at anytime that I want.''' **Who: Ramon Cota **Note: Gloats this monologue to Scott McCoy even after being captured by him a second time confident he will escape justice again and his drug empire will be unstoppable in years times. He fails to notice his line has been weakened. Knowing there is nothing he can do as the rope snaps, McCoy simply replies "Not today, asshole." then lets Ramon fall to his death. ===''[[Demolition Man (film)|Demolition Man]]''=== *'''Yes, but this time, they're really intimidated. Now...I'll have carte blanche to create the perfect society; My society. San Angeles will be a beacon of order with the purity of an ant colony and the beauty of a flawless pearl.''' **Who: Dr. Raymond Cocteau **Notes: The head of the anti-utopia of San Angeles. He believes with Simon Phoenix's help, he can keep his city safe, but the criminal barbs "Look, you can't take away people's right to be assholes! That's who you remind me of, an evil Mr. Rogers." then orders his henchmen to execute him for "pissing [him] off". The bearded henchman does so riddling Cocteau with bullets then has his body thrown into the fire to hide the evidence while Associate Bob is conscripted by Phoenix. *'''This is the best day of my life!''' **Who: Simon Phoenix **Notes: A 1990s criminal trying to reign supreme in the future, he fights his old arch-nemesis John Spartan at the Cryo Prison. He then gloats this, but Spartan freezes him with the nitrogen, then kicks off his head, shattering it to pieces. ===''[[The Departed]]'' (2006)=== *'''I know about you, Colin. You know I'd never give you up. You're like a... ''' **Who: Frank Costello **Note: Said to Colin Sullivan after Sullivan asks if Costello has told the FBI anything about him. After this line, Colin asks "What, like a son? To you? Is that what this is about? All that murderin'...and fuckin'...and no sons? ". Costello then moves to gun Sullivan down, but Sullivan shoots him dead instead. *[Colin Sullivan: [weakly] Just fucking kill me...Just fucking kill me...] '''I am killing you.''' **Who: Billy Costigan **Note: Said to Colin Sullivan, who he is going to expose as a rat for Costello, when Sullivan asks to be killed. When Costigan goes to exit the elevator, he is shot. *'''Fuck it.''' **Who: Mr. French **Note: After crashing his car in the midst of a gunfight, French says this before shooting himself in the chin. *'''Motherfucking shit!''' **Who: Fitzy **Note: Shouted at police while returning gunfire. He is then quickly shot in the head. *'''Tell me why I didn't tell nobody!''' **Who: Timothy Delahunt **Note: Said to Billy Costigan after being fatally wounded in the chest. His last words indicate he knew Costigan was an undercover cop the whole time. *[Fitzy: Where's your boy?] '''He's studying law at Notre Dame. ''' **Who: Capt. Queenan **Note: Queenan stays back to hold Costello's thugs off. When Fitzy asks where his 'boy' (his undercover) is, Queenan responds with the statement above. He is then thrown out of the window to his death. *'''Okay.''' **Who: Colin Sullivan **Note: Said as he notices Officer Dignam in his apartment with a gun pointed at him and ensuring that he leaves behind no evidence. Dignam shoots him in the head without saying anything and kills him. *'''Maybe you do. But for right now, I need you to drop the gun and step away from Sergeant Sullivan!''' **Who: Officer Brown **Note: Said to Billy, who is holding Colin at gunpoint and claims he has evidence implying Colin in being Costello's mole. A few minutes later, Brown is shot by Barrigan after Billy is killed. *'''You think you were the only one he had on the inside? Costello was gonna sell us to the FBI. It's you and me now, you understand? We gotta take care of each other, you understand?''' **Who: Barrigan **Note: Barrigan was a fellow police mole for Costello, and said this to Colin after shooting Billy and Officer Brown. Barrigan is then shot in the head by Colin. *'''No. Please.''' **Who: Brian **Note: His murder by Mr. French shooting him in the head after he begs for mercy is shown during Billy's psychological evaluation. *'''None of your business where we come from, is it?''' **Who: Providence Mobster **Note: Says to Billy, who proceeds to brutally beat him and his associate. They are shortly murdered afterward by Costello to protect Billy from further revenge. ===The ''[[Die Hard]]'' film series=== ====''[[Die Hard (film)|Die Hard]]'' (1988)==== *'''I don't know it, I'm telling you. Get on a jet to Tokyo to ask the chairman. I'm telling you, you're just gonna have to kill me.''' [Hans Gruber: Okay. ''[shoots Takagi in the head]'' We do it the hard way. Tony, see if you can dispose of that. Karl, you better go and check on Heinrich's work up on the machine floor.] **Who: Joseph Takagi **Note: Character is threatened by Hans to give him the code for one of the Nakatomi building's vault locks. After he refuses, Gruber shoots him in the head. *[John McClane: Drop it, dickhead. It's the police.] '''You won't hurt me.''' [John McClane: Oh, yeah? Why not?]''' Because you're a policeman. There are rules for policemen.''' [John McClane: Yeah. That's what my captain keeps telling me.] **Who: Tony Vreski **Notes: Karl's younger brother who is also part of the team holding Nakatomi Plaza hostage. When he is at John McClane's gunpoint, Tony reminds him that killing him is against the law of policemen. McClane says: "Yeah. That's what my captain keeps telling me." before the two fight anyway with McClane snapping Tony's neck. *'''Marco, duck!''' **Who: Heinrich **Note: Another one of Hans Gruber's men who tries to shoot John when Marco is feigning surrender, only to get shot twice in the chest by John. *'''You are dog now! No more table. Where are you going, pal? Next time you have a chance to kill someone, don't hesitate.''' **Who: Marco **Note: John McClane was reluctant to shoot Marco once he entered the room. After Marco revealed himself as one of the invaders, he pursued McClane from atop a table. After saying the line, Marco is shot 17 times by McClane from below, who, immediately after killing him, says "Thanks for the advice." *'''John, how can you say that after all these years, huh? John? John?''' **Who: Harry Ellis **Note: A Nakatomi businessman who called John McClane about the stolen detonators. When McClane refuses to give in, Ellis tries to get through to his friend, but gets no answer. He then sips a coke poured for him and is shot in the head by Hans. *[John McClane: ''[pretends to surrender]'' You got me. ''[puts his hands behind his head]''] '''Still the cowboy, Mr. McClane. Americans are all alike. Well, this time, John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.''' [John McClane: It was Gary Cooper, asshole.] '''Enough jokes.''' [John McClane: You'd have made a pretty good cowboy yourself, Hans.] '''Oh, yes. What was it you said to me before? "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker."''' **Who: Hans Gruber **Note: Says this to John McClane. After saying this line, a struggle/gunfight ensues that ends with Hans being thrown out of a window, plunging to his death. ====''[[Die Hard 2]]'' ==== *'''No problems.''' **Who: Oswald Cochrane **Note: One of Col. Stuart's terrorist gang members. When asked for IDs by McClane while infiltrating the luggage area, Cochrane and his friend Miller feign assurance of no problems before engaging McClane in a gunfight. McClane knocks Cochrane onto a belt until a baggage press crushes and electrocutes Cochrane to death. *'''A sitting duck!''' **Who: O'Reilly **Note: One of Col. Stuart's terrorist gang members. He says this while stopping the Annex skywalk at the Dulles International Airport to a SWAT officer then shoots him. In a fierce gunfight, just when he has Barnes at his mercy, McClane intervenes and guns O'Reilly down. *'''I'm gonna kick your fucking ass.''' **Who: Mulkey **Note: Another of the Annex skywalk ambush party for Col. Stuart. He says this when McClane is trapped under some debris presumably to try and beat him to death. Thankfully, McClane starts the skywalk and gets his gun in time and shoots him down. *'''Don’t shoot. That wing is fully fueled.''' **Who: General Ramon Esperanza **Note: Esperanza says this as Col. Stuart and Major Grant go to investigate the plane while Esperanza has the controls to take off, but unfortunately, he is killed along with Col. Stuart and the other terrorists as the plane explodes after McClane lights up the fuel trail with his cigarette lighter. *'''Too bad McClane...I kinda liked you!''' **Who: Major Grant **Note: Major Grant says this while fighting McClane on the wing of the 747 escape plane, then McClane replies “I’ve got enough friends!”. Then he kicks Grant by the jet engine, Grant tries to hold on, but it was no use as he gets sucked into the engine which ended up shredding him. *'''Happy landings, asshole!''' **Who: Colonel Stuart **Note: Col. Stuart says this after knocking McClane off the wing of his 747 escape plane, failing to notice the fuel is leaking. McClane uses his lighter to ignite the fuel and destroy the plane before it leaves Dulles. ====''[[Die Hard with a Vengeance]]''==== *'''Get outta here!''' **Who: Simon Gruber **Note: To his second in command, Katya, after McClane shoots power lines above the helicopter they are inside, causing the helicopter to crash and explode. ====''[[Live Free or Die Hard]]'' (2007)==== *'''On your tombstone it should read, "Always in the wrong place at the wrong time."''' [John McClane: How about..."Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!"] **Who: Thomas Gabriel **Note: Said while standing behind McClane, pressing a gun into his shoulder wound. McClane then says his line before making him shoot, going through McClane's shoulder, into Gabriel's chest. ====''[[A Good Day to Die Hard]]'' (2013)==== *'''What a shame your father won't be alive to see you promoted!''' **Who: Yuri Komarov **Note: While with Jack/John McClane Jr., he gloats this knowing his father will be dead soon. Jack then replies "Neither will you!" then throws the villain into his daughter's helicopter rotors, shredding him. ===''Dirty Harry'' series=== ====''[[Dirty Harry]]'' (1971)==== *'''Drop the gun, creep! I'll blow his brains out! Hehehehe...Drop the fucking gun!''' **Who: Scorpio **Notes: The killer who has killed a couple of victims throughout the movie. He has tried to outsmart Harry Callahan even going as hard as to hold a kid hostage. However, Harry wounds him in the shoulder and gives the same .44 Magnum speech he gave to an earlier robber. Scorpio tries to resist and is shot dead by Callahan, sending him sinking into the lake. ====''[[Magnum Force]]'' (1973)==== *'''I want this bastard busted out of his job.''' **Who: Carmine Ricca **Notes: An acquitted mafioso, Carmine Ricca finds himself confronted by the enigmatic Officer Davis trying to get the driver's license and registration. Just then, Davis shoots Ricca and his entourage dead with a Colt Python. *'''Oh yes, sir, this is my car. You must be new. You know who I am?''' **Who: J.J. Wilson **Notes: An acquitted pimp, J.J. Wilson, after killing one of his hookers and taking the cab, finds himself confronting the enigmatic Officer Sweet. After asking if he knows him, Sweet tells him he was speeding, then executes him with a Colt Python. *'''I never touch the stuff. Wanna put that over there now?''' **Who: Lou Guzman **Notes: A drug lord living in his apartment. He reminds his nude companions about his cocaine. Then, Officer Davis, breaks into his room and assassinates him with a Colt Python. *'''We have warrants to search the premises.''' **Who: Officer Phil Sweet **Notes: One of the rookie vigilante cops, Phil Sweet is with Callahan and Early Smith to arrest Frank Palancio and reminds him of the warrant, but Palancio shotguns him to death. *'''Okay, but what happens if they get us both?''' [Harry Callahan: Then they win. Yeah. It's not to hard to understand how this could happen nowadays, the way things are. As incredible as it seems there may be a whole suborganization within the police force; Sort of a death squad like they had in Brazil som years back.] '''Damn!''' **Who: Early Smith **Notes: Dirty Harry's partner in the case of the vigilante cops. He says these words while Harry allays suspicions of a death squad within the police force. A while later, Early Smith heads back to his apartment after some grocery shopping and while Harry tries to warn him, Smith goes to his mailbox never knowing the vigilantes wired a bomb inside. Too late, he opens it and is blown up by the bomb. *'''You're a killer, Harry...A maniac!''' **Who: Lt. Neil Briggs **Notes: Harry Callahan's superior who had been secretly leading the vigilante cops, Briggs tells Harry he will prosecute him and gloats this, never knowing the cop planted a letterbox bomb in the car, then Briggs is blown up. ===Disney films=== :''See [[last words in Disney animated films]].'' ===''[[Django Unchained]]'' (2012)=== *'''Now, why y'all wanna come into my town and start trouble? Scare all these nice people? You ain't got nothing better to do than to come into Bill Sharp's town and show your ass?''' **Who: Sheriff Bill Sharp **Note: Says this before being shot point blank by Dr. King Schultz. *'''Goddam son of a bitch!''' **Who: Roger "Little Raj" Brittle **Note: Says this before being whipped and shot to death by Django. *'''I insist.''' **Who: Calvin Candie **Note: Character insists on shaking hands with Dr. King Schultz to finalize a slave deal; Schultz instead shoots Candie through the chest, killing him. *'''I'm sorry. I couldn't resist.''' **Who: Dr. King Schultz **Note: Says this after shooting Calvin Candie; is promptly shot with a sawed-off shotgun by Candie's bodyguard. *'''Why don't you give him your gun and gunbelt?''' **Who: LeQuint Dickey Mining Co. Employee #2 **Note: Character is referring to Django; gives this suggestion to his co-worker, resulting in their deaths by Django. *'''Now, don't drop the fucking thing, all right? I just had the sights fixed, and they're perfect.''' **Who: LeQuint Dickey Mining Co. Employee #3 **Note: Says this before giving his gun to Django, who then kills him and the rest of his slaving team. *'''D-Jango, you black son of a bitch!''' **Who: Billy Crash **Note: Says this before Django - noting that the "D" in his name is silent - shoots and kills him. *'''DJANGO, YOU UPPITY SON OF A—''' **Who: Stephen **Note: Says this the moment the Candie mansion is blown up by Django's dynamite. ===''[[Dog Soldiers (film)|Dog Soldiers]]'' (2002)=== *'''Dogs, more like pussies!''' **Who: Pvt. Terry Milburn **Note: Last words before getting pulled out a window by one of the werewolves. *'''I'M GONNA FUCKIN' HAVE AT YOU!''' **Who: Pvt. Joe Kirkley **Note: Last words before killed by one of the werewolves, after successfully hot-wiring a car he realizes that a werewolf is right behind him. *'''I hope I give you the shits, you fuckin' wimp...''' **Who: Pvt. Witherspoon **Note: Last words before being killed by werewolves. He says this knowing that he'll be eaten. ===''[[Dogma (film)|Dogma]]'' (1999)=== *'''But...I'm a fucking ''demon''.''' **Who: Azrael ([[w:Jason Lee (actor)|Jason Lee]]) **Note: The character, a demon, had just been hit in the chest by a blessed golf club. *'''Thank you.''' **Who: Bartleby ([[Ben Affleck]]) **Note: Bartleby, who has been attempting to return to Heaven, is killed by hearing the untranslated sound of God's voice. ===''[[Donnie Darko]]'' (2001)=== *'''I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breath a sigh of relief because there will be so much to look forward to.''' **Who: Donnie Darko **Note: Donnie's last thoughts/words before being crushed by a jet turbine that falls from the sky. ===''[[Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb]]'' (1964)=== *'''Well, Mandrake. I happen to believe in a life after this one, I know I'll have to answer for what I've done...and I think I can.''' **Who: Gen. Jack D. Ripper **Note: With Burpelson air base being overrun, Jack D. Ripper says these words then shuts himself in his wash room and kills himself via gun shot rather than give Mandrake the recall code. *'''Stay on the bomb-run boys, I'm gonna get them doors open if it harelips everybody on Bear Creek!''' **Who: Major T. J. "King" Kong **Note: Says these when he moves to get the bomber's bomb doors open. He succeeds and rides the bomb marked "Hi there!" while whooping triumphantly and is vaporized in the resulting blast. *'''Mein Führer, I can walk!''' **Who: Dr. Strangelove **Note: The last words that were said in the movie before the doomsday device activates, cutting to a montage of nuclear explosions. ===''[[Doom (film)|Doom]]'' (2005)=== *'''Oh, thers something behind me, isn't it?''' **Who: Pinky **Note: Characters is survivor from the base on Mars. He is pointing a gun at Sarge, who threatens too kill him and any other survivors. He then hears a snarl causing him to utter the line, before being lifted by a Hellknight and dragged away. *'''I'm not supposed to di-''' *'''Semper Fi, motherfucker! Faithful to the core, John!''' **Who: Sarge **Note: First quote is as he is being dragged through a Nano-wall by a flock of zombies and monsters. after this he dies but comes back to life. Second quote is before fighting John, which ultimately leads to him being blown up. ===''[[Dragonheart]]'' (1996)=== *'''To the stars, Bowen. To the stars.''' **Who: Draco **Note: Said in response to Bowen's question "Draco, without you... what do we do? Where do we turn?". It should also be noted that Draco's last words in a physical body were "Pick it up!", referring to an ax that Bowen would have to use to kill Draco, to end his and the prince's shared life force. It should also be noted that the stars, particular Draco's namesake constellation, play a vital role in the film, what Draco calls the "Dragon's Heaven", where dragons who had performed particularly noble or "good" acts went after death. *'''Move, and she dies!''' **Who: Einon **Note: Said while holding Kara hostage at knife point, until Draco bites his own paw, forcing Einon to feel his pain and, before he attempts to attack, Bowen throws a spear in Draco's heart, killing him to end his and the prince's shared life force. *'''I was trying to correct a mistake I made long ago, when I saved a creature not worth saving.''' **Who: Queen Aislinn **Note: Said while talking to and about her son, Einon, after he discovers her plot to kill him. He then slays his mother with a large spear. *'''A girl?! A girl!...''' **Who: Brock **Note: Said after being killed by Kara in the battle at Einon's castle. ===''[[w:Drive Angry|Drive Angry]]'' (2011)=== *'''Ah, Milton, so many have tried; But I am armored with a power that you will never know. Nothing of this earth can kill me. **Who: Jonah King **Note: The leader of a Satanic cult planning to sacrifice John Milton's grandchild in order to attain hell on Earth. While seemingly having John Milton at his mercy, he declares this never knowing that Milton has crawled towards the God Killer firearm. When he sees it, Milton declares "I'm not of this Earth." having risen from Hell to avenge his previous death then fires at Jonah. The blast sends the cultist spiraling to nothingness. *'''You think you're Wotan? Gimme the keys.''' **Who: John Milton **Note: A condemned man who escapes Hell to avenge his death and save his granddaughter from Jonah King's cult. After completing his mission, he and the Accountant who had been chasing him throughout the film ride back to hell with Milton saying these. ===''[[w:Drunken Master II|Drunken Master II]]'' (1994)=== *'''Finish him! Now!''' **Who: John **Note: Yells this to Henry before passing him a burning hot iron rod. After Henry is beaten, he attempts to fight Fei Hung, but is dropped onto a large crate in the end. He may not have died, however his breathing seems to stop after he looks up at Hung. ===''[[w:Duel in the Sun|Duel in the Sun]]'' (1946)=== *'''Just hold me... hold me once more...''' **Who: Pearl Chavez *'''Little bobcat...''' **Who: Lewton "Lewt" McCanles **Note: Having mortally wounded one another in their fateful duel in the sun, Pearl crawls towards her adversary then they share this final exchange of words and have a final kiss together before slipping into the cold sleep of death. ===''[[Dumb and Dumber]]'' (1994)=== *'''Son of a bitch!''' **Who: Joe Mentalino **Note: Says this to Harry. As a prank, Harry and Lloyd put very hot peppers in Mental's burger, and when Mental, who has severe digestive problems, eats it and falls on the ground. Mental then asks them for his antacid pills, and Harry gives Mental rat poison (intended to be used on Harry and Lloyd), believing they were the antacid pills. ===''[[Dune (film)|Dune]]'' (1984)=== *'''Jessica...Paul...''' **Who: Duke Leto Atreides **Notes: After being betrayed by his doctor Yueh, Duke Leto attempts to gas Baron Harkonnen with a poisonous tooth that will release a toxic gas upon exhaling. He only succeeds in killing Piter De Vries, and calls out to his wife and son before dying. *'''You see your death. My blade will finish you.''' **Who: Feyd-Rautha **Notes: Baron Harkonnen's nephew, Feyd-Rautha engages Paul Atreides in a final duel in the Emperor's throne room. Feyd-Rautha believes his blade and kill Paul, but Paul impales his throat. ===''[[Dune (2021 film)|Dune: Part One]]'' (2021)=== *'''Deliver my wife from her agony.''' **Who: Wellington Yueh **Notes: Yueh betrays the Atreides and disables Arrakeen's shields, allowing the Harkonnens and Sardaukar to invade. He incapacitates Leto, planning to exchange him for his wife, who is the Baron's prisoner. Yueh replaces one of Leto's teeth with a poison gas capsule with which the Duke can assassinate the Baron. Upon delivering Leto, the Baron fulfils his end of the bargain by beheading Yueh to join his wife Wanna in death. *'''Here I am... Here I remain.''' **Who: Duke Leto Atreides **Notes: After the Baron executes Yueh, a completely paralyzed Leto waits for the Baron to approach closely before crunching the fake tooth and releasing the poison gas out of his mouth. Leto dies along with all Harkonnens trapped inside the dining room, but the Baron survives by evading the gas from a high altitude above Leto. *'''Sardaukar!''' **Who: {{w|Duncan Idaho}} **Notes: When the Emperor's dreaded Sardaukar attack Arrakis in the guise of Harkonnen troops, Idaho initially survives the assault and saves Leto's son Paul Atreides and concubine Lady Jessica. When they are cornered by Sardaukar soldiers at a Botanical Testing Station, Paul, Jessica and Liet-Kynes flee while Idaho holds off the enemy, but he is ultimately killed. *'''I serve only one master. His name is Shai-Hulud.''' **Who: Liet-Kynes **Notes: After Paul and Jessica flee from the Sardaukar in an ornithopter, Liet-Kynes also tries to escape but is caught and mortally wounded, and lures a sandworm to her location to devour herself and the Sardaukar. *'''You should welcome my blade. This world will kill you. Quicker this way.''' **Who: Jamis **Notes: Deep in the desert, Paul and Jessica encounter Stilgar's Fremen tribe, including Chani, the young woman from Paul's visions. Opposed to Stilgar's lenience towards them, Fremen warrior Jamis challenges Paul to a ritual duel to the death, which Paul wins. ==E== ===''[[w:Eagle Eye|Eagle Eye]]'' (2008)=== *'''Go now!''' **Who: Agent Thomas Morgan (Billy Bob Thorton) **Note: After ordering Jerry Shaw (Shia LeBeouf) to get to the Library of Congress to stop the assassination mission GUILLOTINE, he says this line for Jerry to hurry before rushing at a fighter copter with his car and destroying it. He is incinerated by the resulting fireball. *'''27%. Operation GUILLOTINE is now in effect.''' **Who: ARIA **Notes: ARIA is the supercomputer that has montiered the lives of Jerry and Rachel and forced them to partake in the assassination attempt mission GUILLOTINE. She is then destroyed by Agent Perez and William Bowman, but has uploaded enough data to be able to trigger the event when Rachel's son's trumpet hits a high F note. Jerry however succeeds in stopping this before it can occur. ===''[[Earthquake (film)|Earthquake]]'' (1974)=== *'''Is everything okay?''' ''[Assistant Caretaker Max: Yeah.]'' '''Why don't you check the base? I'll look down below.''' **Who: Dam Caretaker Fred **Note: Caretaker of the Mulholland Resevoir Dam. After a slight tremor, he and Max head to the dam to check for damage and says this to his assistant. When he heads down the elevator, there is no response. When Max comes in to check on him, the shaft has been flooded and Fred has drowned. *'''Thanks again for letting us on your land, Mr. Griggs. Once the trench is filled, you'd never have known we were here.''' **Who: Dr. Frank Adams. **Note: A scientist monitoring for seismic waves on farmer Griggs' land. After updating the farmer with this, a tremor is felt and the sheep flee, but Dr. Adams and his assistant are buried alive in the trench they were working in. Dr. Stockle confirms this death as he will call the doctor's wife. *'''Take it easy now; I'll call you at home later.''' **Who: Emilio Chavez **Note: A partner of Lew Slade in the Los Angeles police department. At the bar, he says this when leaving. When the earthquake strikes, he is trying to find a way out at the police department comes down around himself and his fellow officers. A pipe drops onto him killing him. *'''I'll see what it costs me.''' **Who: Bill Cameron **Note: An employee at the building run by Sam Royce. When discussing earthquakes and the effects they have on buildings, he promises this to Stewart Graff. When the earthquake strikes he and other employees try to shelter in an elevator, but the car fails and it plunges twenty-feet killing Cameron and the others inside. *'''Ha-hard to breathe... ''[Dr. Vance: Chest pains?]'' Yeah... **Who: Sam Royce **Note: Stewart's boss at his workplace.. While rescuing survivors of the quake, he suffers chest pains and a heart attack. He says this to Dr. Vance and they work to save him. But he succumbs moments later. *'''You got your nerve. Only a whore would wear something like that!''' **Who: Jody Joad **Note: A store clerk and army officer who has Rosa Amici detained on suspicion of looting. Later that night, he says this as he tries to force himself on her though she desperately fights back. This helps long enough for officer Lew Slade to rescue her and shoot the crazed officer to death in self-defense. *'''Remy!''' **Who: Stewart Graff **Note: A businessman who is in a love triangle between his ungrateful wife Remy and widowed actress Denise Marshall. When the tunnel is flooding thanks to the Mulholland Dam failing, he says this as he tries to save his wife. Denise looks on helplessly as the floodwaters carry both Stewart and Remy away and they both likely drown. ===''El Cid'' (1961)=== *'''I want you and my children...to remember me riding with my king...Tomorrow...''' **Who: Don Rodrigo Díaz de Vivar, El Cid **Note: While fighting at Valencia, El Cid is mortally injured by an arrow. Aware that removing will incapacitate him for quite some time, El Cid keeps the arrow in him. Knowing he will die soon, he promises to ride out to battle with his king Alfonso VI, then says these words so Chimene will not forget his actions. In a final symbol of defiance, the Spanish army places the armored and lifeless body of El Cid on his horse carrying the banner. The Moors are frightened thinking that El Cid is alive while it is said that "And thus, the Cid rode out of the gates of history into legend." *'''Back! Back! Go back! GO BACK!''' **Who: Ben Yusuf **Note: The commander of the Moors seeking to rule the world. When it appears he holds the advantage in the final battle of Valencia, Ben's forces spot the now dead Cid on his horse carrying a banner and are frightened. Ben tries to stir his men with this, but is trampled to death by Babieca's hooves. ===''[[End of Days (film)|End of Days]]'' (1999)=== *'''Jericho! How can you expect to defeat me when you are a man and I am forever?''' *'''You have died for nothing. You just give them time.''' **Who: Satan **Note: Character says two lines while possessing two characters. The first line is said when possessing an unnamed man. The second line is said when possessing Jericho. He is sent back to Hell after Jericho impales himself to the sword of St. Michael. *'''Run.''' **Who: Jericho Cane **Note: Jericho tells Christine to run while fighting off Satan's control. He impales himself to the sword of St. Michael until 12:00 for New Year's Day to get Satan out of his body. He dies after having a vision of his wife and daughter, indicating that he goes to Heaven with them. ===''[[Enemy at the Gates]]'' (2001)=== *'''It's your turn to get a hole in your britches.''' **Who: Koulikov ([[w: Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]]) **Note: He was next to take the lead and says this before jumping over a hole in the building he and Vassili were stationed at. He was exposed when he jumped and was shot by Konig. *'''I want to help you Vassili. Let me do one last thing, something useful for a change. Let me show you where the Major is.''' **Who: Danilov **Note: After saying this line, Danilov removes his helmet and moves into the open where he is shot by the Major, revealing his position. ===''[[Enter the Dragon]]''=== *'''Man, come right out of a comic book.''' ''[Williams defeats some of Han's henchmen with ease and Han uses his prosthetic hand to punish one]'' '''Been practicing, huh.''' **Who: Williams **Notes: One of Lee's companions in the investigation on Han's island; He says these refusing to be interrogated by Han, and defeats some of his henchmen. But Han however knocks Williams into a room of laughing women under the influence of drugs. Eventually, Han uses his prosthetic hand to kill the martial artist. ===''[[Equilibrium (film)|Equilibrium]]'' (2002)=== *'''Remember me.''' **Who: Viviana Preston **Note: Said before being dragged from the house by soldiers. Was later incinerated for 'sense offense'. *'''A heavy price. I pay it gladly.''' **Who: Grammaton Cleric Errol Patridge **Note: Character is referencing that a world with war and hate is better then the one they created without emotions or the ability to feel. Was shot in the head moments later. *'''Mind the uniform Cleric. I plan to be wearing it for a long time.''' **Who: Grammaton Cleric Brandt **Note: Said to John Preston before attacking him with a sword. Was killed in three swift moves with no effort from Preston. *'''Wait! Wait! Look at me. Look at me. I'm life. I live...I, I breathe...I feel. Now that you know it...can you really take it? Is it really worth the price?''' [Preston: I pay it gladly.] **Who: Vice-Council DuPont **Note: Said while trying to convince Preston not to shoot him. ===''[[w:Escape Plan (film)|Escape Plan]]'' (2013)=== *Go, go, go, down, down! **Who: Warden Hobbes **Note: The corrupt warden of the Tomb prison ship. Said commanding his guards to chase down Breslin and Rottmayer/Mannheim. He says nothing else as he tries to shoot down Breslin clinging onto Rottmayer's helicopter. Seeing the corrupt in the right position, Breslin barbs "Boom...!" then shoots some oil drums blasting and burning the warden alive while Rottmayer gloats "Have a lovely day, asshole!" *RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!! **Who: Lester Clark **Note: Ray Breslin's business partner who betrays him to Warden Hobbes. After the escape from the Tomb, Breslin has his friends track down the traitorous partner and Hush first chloroforms him then traps him and his car in a container on a shipping frigate. Clark angrily cries this to his former partner and is never heard from again... ====''Escape Plan 2: Hades''==== *I just told you Galileo was back to his full power. It doens't need solar; Let it blow. **Who: Jasper Kimbral **Note: A Breslin protege who is fired for botching a rescue mission and secretly runs the illegal underground prison Hades. He says this confident that Galileo will power back up, but Breslin points out the blindspots of his prison from outside. He says nothing else while Breslin tells him in the zoo arena, "Let's see what you can dow without your tech; After I put my fist through your face, I'm gonna crucify you, kid." The ex-proteget fights well but Breslin reverses his chokehold and eventually snaps the traitor's neck. *Prisoner 9051, report for battle in the zoo. **Who: Galileo **Note: The computer running Hades. After calling his out for battle, Trent DeRosa fires at the control unit rapidly and before Galileo can re-activate, Luke shoots the robot for good measure to prevent it from ever coming back online. ===''[[The Evil Dead]]'' (1981)=== *'''There is no tomorrow! You-You've got to kill her and cu-cut her up...your sister too.''' **Who: Scott **Note: Scott's last words before dying from his wounds. ===''[[Eraser (film)|Eraser]]'' (1996)=== *'''I hope you understand Lee, that you leave me no choice...!''' **Who: William Donohue **Note: The Vice President of Cyrez International, having been exposed for working with Russian terrorists, he says these while threatening Lee Cullen with his pistol. He then turns the gun to his own mouth and kills himself. *'''Evaluation?''' **Who: WITSEC Deputy Monroe **Note: A young WITSEC operative who questions this when Robert DeGuerin wished to evaluate his performance. DeGuerin shoots him with John Kruger's gun and says "A plus, kid." *'''Yeah.''' **Who: Robert DeGuerin **Note: A WITSEC U.S. Marshal who turned against his former pupil John Kruger for black-marketing. With little evidence to put DeGuerin and his friends Morehart and Undersecretary of Defense Harper in jail, Kruger and Cullen fake their deaths and have Johnny trap them on train tracks in their limo. When Kruger calls them up, DeGuerin has time to say this then Kruger tells him "You've just been erased." With no way out, DeGuerin and his allies try unsuccessfully to escape and a train crashes into the limo killing all of them. When asked what happened afterwords, Kruger simply says "They caught a train." as the film closes. ===''[[The Evil Dead 2]]'' (1987)=== *'''Hey! I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!''' **Who: Henrietta **Note: Henrietta mutated into a zombie and threatens to swallow Ash Williams' soul, but Ash stomps her decapitated head and tells her "Swallow this!" before shooting her. ===''[[Excalibur (film)|Excalibur]]'' (1981)=== *'''Nobody shall wield Excalibur but ME!!!''' **Who: Uther Pendragon **Note: After being ambushed by knights loyal to a duke he betrayed, he says this before thrusting his sword, Excalibur, into a nearby stone. He then dies of his injuries. *'''Come, father. Let us embrace at last.''' **Who: Mordred **Note: Challenges Arthur with this then runs his father through with his spear. But even under the pressure, Arthur pierces Excalibur down upon his son, ending his life and the battle for Camelot. *'''Do as I command; One day, a king will come, and the sword will rise again.''' **Who: King Arthur **Note: Mortally wounded by Mordred's spear and after killing him, he commands Perceval to cast the titular sword into the lake. After reluctance, Perceval complies and the Lady of the Lake takes it under so it can be preserved for the next king of Camelot. After which, Arthur's body is carried away by ship to Avalon. ===''[[w:Exodus (1960 film)|Exodus]]'' (1960)=== *'''Who cares if an old man feels well?''' **Who: Prof. Dr. Samuel Odenheim **Note: Said when heading to tend to the children after dismissing chest pains. But then, he has a heart attack and dies. Ari then reports the death on a broadcast. ===[[w:The Expendables (film series)|''The Expendables'' series]]=== ====The Expendables==== *'''The agency parasites hired you, didn't they? I'd have paid you TWICE as much to go fishing. You'd have to think I'm pretty freakin' stupid to surrender to the agency. Why would I do that?! I created this. I made it ALLLL happen, and then they wanted me out! Why? Because I saw the big picture! Stop walking! Well, what about me and you? We're both the same. We're both mercenaries. We're both dead inside! So why the hell did you come after me?!''' **Who: James Monroe **Note: Traitorous CIA agent Monroe learned that Barney Ross was hired to whack him. He admits he was behind the whole thing and demands why he would chase him. Barney answers "I didn't come after you, dipshit. I came for HER!" Sandra then breaks free as Barney riddles Monroe with pistol bullets then Lee Christmas finishes the job by throwing a knife into his back and through his chest. *'''We will kill this American disease!''' **Who: General Garza **Note: When Garza believes that Munroe had hired the Expendables to kill him, he addressed the people on how he succumbed to greed and apologizes to his daughter. As soon as he says this line, Munroe himself shoots and kills him. ====The Expendables 2==== *'''NOW WHAT?!''' **Who: Jean Vilain **Notes: At the end of their final battle, Jean Vilain questions Barney Ross what he intends to do to him. Earlier, he had questioned the name of the young Expendables member he had killed earlier. Barney then chains Vilain close to him, then stabs him with his knife. Barney then tells him "His name was Billy." as Barney used the same knife Vilain used to kill William "Billy the Kid" Timmons. ====The Expendables 3==== *'''What about The Hague, huh?''' **Who: Conrad Stonebanks **Note: After their final battle, Stonebanks questions Barney Ross whether he will take him to The Hague for trial, but the latter executes him with a gunshot and says "I am The Hague." ==F== ===''[[Face/Off]]'' (1997)=== *'''Sir, why are you so upset? It's just Pollux Troy''' **Who: Loomis **Note: Character says this to Castor Troy, who is in disguise as Sean Archer, as Troy grieves over the body of Pollux. Troy responds by shooting Loomis in the head. *'''They're concerned about the constitution of your Gestapo tactics, and frankly SO AM I!''' **Who: Victor Lazarro **Note: The FBI Chief wants to inquire about Troy-as-Archer's methods in fighting crime. Troy-as-Archer confesses "I am Castor Troy." then breaks his spine and does a hard blow to fracture his heart making it look like a heart attack. *'''I'm ready for the big ride, baby...''' **Who: Castor Troy **Note: Troy sings this song before he is "killed" in the opening of the movie. After being impaled with a harpoon, he starts to sing again before dying. ===''[[w:The Fan (1996 film)|The Fan]]'' (1996)=== *'''A simple thank you would have been nice.''' **Who: Gil Renard ([[Robert De Niro]]) **Note: Dying words after being shot; the character was insane, killing people to help his favorite baseball star. ===''[[Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer]]'' (2007)=== *'''I will no longer serve. This is the end. For both of us.''' **Who: Silver Surfer/Norrin Radd **Note: Prior to him going to defeat Galactus. He is thought to be dead, but survives in a scene prior to the end credits. ===''Fantasy Mission Force'' (1983)=== *'''You have gotta die, because it's only the dead who don't talk!''' **Who: Captain Don Wen **Note: Said when Sammy's partner Emily exposes his scheme; Form a rescue party, and have them and the Nazi forces wipe each other out so he can get the money for himself. After this, he shoots and injures Emily before engaging Sammy one of the remaining two survivors first with his pistol and a belt-sword. After a brutal fight, Sammy leaves Don Wen in the command post building and blows it and Don Wen up. ===''[[Fargo (film)|Fargo]]'' (1996)=== *'''I'm taking that fucking car! That fucker's mine! Fucking asshole! You know I've been listening to your fucking bullshit all week! Are we square?! Are..we..square?! Yeah, you fucking mute! And if you see your friend, Shep Proudfoot, tell him I'm gonna nail his fucking ass too!''' **Who: Carl Showalter ([[w:Steve Buscemi|Steve Buscemi]]) **Note: Said out of frustration to his partner, Gaear, before being knocked out and then put through a woodchipper. ===''The Fast and the Furious'' series=== ====''[[The Fast and the Furious (2001 film)|The Fast and the Furious]]''==== *'''Toretto! SWAT came into my house. Disrespected my whole family, because somebody narked me out. And you know what? It was you!''' **Who: Johnny Tran **Notes: Character and his gang were arrested by police for supposedly being the suspects behind the truck robberies, only to be released with only minor charges when it is clear that Dominic Toretto and his gang are the true culprits. He lashes out at Dom about it and accuses him of ratting him out, despite Dom denying this while beating him up in response. He does not say any more lines after this and when he and his cousin Lance pursue Brian and Dom. When he attempts to kill Brian, he shoots Tran multiple times, causing his bike to slide, killing Tran after hitting his head against a wall. '''*Dominic, I am so sorry. I don't know what I'm doing, Dom. I'm so scared right now. I don't know what's going on.''' [Dominic Toretto: Jess! What were you thinking, man?] '''I don't know! I panicked! I'm sorry. I'm scared! I don't know what I'm doing! Will you please help me?''' **Who: Jesse **Notes: Character made a bet against Dom's rival, Johnny Tran, with his father's 1995 Volkswagen Jetta in a desert race. However, Tran won and Jesse ran off in panic. The following day, Jesse turned to Dom for protection. However, before Dom could do anything, both Tran and Lance start shooting around the Toretto residence, narrowly missing everyone except for Jesse, who is killed by them as punishment for reneging on the bet. ====''[[Fast Five]]''==== *'''Boss, if something was missing, we'd know.''' **Who: Fusco *'''How do you know that?''' **Who: Wilkes *'''They invaded the Leblon house.''' [Hernan Reyes: Who invaded?] '''The men from the train.''' [Hernan Reyes: How much did they take?] '''They didn't take anything. They burned it.''' [Hernan Reyes: They burned my money?] '''Yes. And said there's more coming.''' **Who: Cash House Door Guard *'''What time was the robbery?''' **Who: Macroy *'''Come on, boss. Another day. Come on, H, it's a lot of heat.''' **Who: Chato **Notes: Said to Hobbs to dissuade him from arresting Dom's team when a Brazilian gang comes to their defense by threatening Hobbs and his teammates at gunpoint. After Hobbs arrests Dom, Brian, Mia and Vince, Chato, along with his teammates, is murdered by Reyes' men in an ambush. *'''Hey, Dom. You've got to meet my son. Nico.''' [Dominic Toretto: I will.] '''He's a good kid. You know, we named him after you. "Dominic".''' **Who: Vince **Notes: Character was shot by Hernan Reyes' hitman, Zizi, during an attack against the DSS, which resulted in the deaths of Hobbs' teammates. Before succumbing to his wounds, Vince tells Dom that he should meet Nico, his son with a Brazilian woman named Rosa, having been named after his childhood friend. *'''Kill him now!''' **Who: Zizi **Notes: Said while ordering Reyes's men to kill Dom, before the latter crashes his car onto Reyes and Zizi, who were still inside of theirs. However, Zizi emerges from the car and attempts again to kill Dom, only for Brian to shoot him dead before he could do so. *'''Help me.''' **Who: Hernan Reyes **Notes: Said while cornered on the road after Dom and his team escape Rio with his money. Hobbs instead shoots him, remarking "That's for my team, you son of a bitch." ====''[[Fast and Furious 6]]''==== *'''Braga.''' **Who: Firuz **Notes: An associate of Owen Shaw. Firuz is shot multiple times by Letty, Ivory and Jah for giving information about Shaw to Gisele and Riley. Seeing that he was dying, Gisele tells Firuz she would make Shaw pay if he helped her. He utters Braga's name in his final moments, thus revealing that he was involved in Owen's plot. *'''So, what about Toretto's sister?''' **Who: Riley Hicks **Notes: A female agent of the Diplomatic Security Service who's secretly working for Owen Shaw. She asks her boss what to do with Mia Toretto, and is told she's useless to Shaw's gang, although she is unable to make the call, as her signal is jammed by Tej. Later, in the final battle on the plane, Letty aims a harpoon gun at her and gloats "Wrong team, bitch!" then shoots her with a harpoon, sending Riley screaming out of the plane to her death. *'''Take off! Take off!''' ''[in Russian]'' **Who: Vegh **Notes: Shaw's right-hand woman. Shaw orders her to tell the plane crew to take off. Vegh then chases both Brian and Mia in her car, which crashes when she becomes distracted by a sloped shield on the ramp car. ====''[[Furious 7]]''==== *'''Too slow!''' **Who: Louis Kiet **Notes: Said to Brian O'Conner after locking him in the bus, where Ramsey was being held captive, to leave him for dead after reaching the back first and closing the gate on him. This is Kiet's only English line in the film since he mostly speaks in Thai. Brian later encounters Kiet again and, after another fight, manages to kill his enemy by hooking his belt to a weight that drags him into an elevator shaft to his death, with Brian mockingly repeating the same words Kiet said to him as revenge for what he did to him before. *'''Roger that!''' **Who: Agent Sheppard **Notes: Character says this line while he, Dom, Brian and the other agents are ambushed by Mose Jakande and his militants while facing Deckard Shaw in Abu Dhabi. He is killed during the fight. *'''NO! STOP HIM!''' **Who: Mose Jakande **Notes: Character says this line while attacking Dom from his helicopter. Dom races through a parking garage and drives his car at the helicopter, leaving a bag of grenades on the skids, and then Agent Hobbs shoots the bag from ground level, destroying the chopper and killing Jakande. ====''[[The Fate of the Furious]]''==== *'''Save Your son!''' **Who: Elena Neves **Notes: When Dom succeeds in taking the case containing the nuclear launch codes, but spares Letty as a result, Cipher decides to teach him a lesson by having her henchman Connor Rhodes execute Elena, who is strapped to a chair, with a piece of tape over the mouth. *'''You made me miss my shot. What do you think you're doing?''' **Who: Connor Rhodes **Notes: Cipher's top henchman. While trying to shoot Letty and her friends from afar, Dom stops him making Connor curse this. After a short fight, Dom snaps Connor's neck, avenging Elena's death. ====''Hobbs and Shaw''==== *'''I am no small change!''' **Who: Professor Anderiko **Notes: The scientist who created the Snowflake virus. He says this line as he ambushes Brixton with a flamethrower, allowing Hobbs and Shaw to escape him, but in the ensuing fight and escape, Brixton kills him. *'''So that's how it is. It's a hell of a business, boys.''' **Who: Brixton Lore **Notes: The Eteon cyber-terrorist seeking out the Snowflake virus. Having failed his mission and lost his fight with Hobbs and Shaw, Eteon begins to decommission him. Brixton says these to his enemies before his brain is shut down, then he falls lifelessly into the sea. ====''F9''==== *'''Tell me what you see, Dom.''' **Who: Jack Toretto **Note: Dom and Jakob's father, a NASCAR racer. Dom attempts to warn him that fellow racer Kenny Linder is about to ram him, but Jack is unable to avoid being hit, and crashes with his car rolling over and catching fire. *'''Goddamn it, why do I have to say this?! Flatten these clowns!''' **Who: Otto **Note: Attempts to order his men to kill Dom and his team in a car chase, but is eventually the only one left. He ends up collateral damage when Cipher, in an unsuccessful attempt to kill Dom, blows up his truck with a drone missile. ====''Fast X''==== *'''Finally! Whoo---!''' **Who: Diogo **Note: A street racer from Rio de Janeiro who befriended Dom. When Dante Reyes challenges Dom, Diogo and Elena's sister Isabel to a race against him, he secretly rigs both of their cars with explosives, unbeknownst to them, forcing Dom to choose which one he intends to save. Dom chooses Isabel, leading Dante to kill Diogo, who is unaware of the dangerous situation he got himself in. However, Dante quickly goes back on his word and tries to kill Isabel too, but Dom successfully saves her. *'''All right, we're entering Portuguese airspace. Jakob's already there. Any word from Dom? Hey. Why are you so quiet? You all right?''' [Roman: Just been sitting here thinking, man.] '''I knew I smelled something burning in here.''' [Roman: Tej, it was my mission, y'all took my lead, and I messed this thing up every step of the way. I guess this whole...leaderhsip thing really ain't for me.] '''You took us to London on a container. You spent thousands of dollars of your own cash, strapped to your ass, that now smells like cheap cologne. Now you're sitting here taking sole responsibility for something that we all wear.''' [Roman: Yeah, I know. It sounds stupid.] '''Nah, it don't sound stupid at all. You know what it sounds like to me? That sounds like a leader. Come on, man. Get your ass up, man. I love you, man.''' [Roman: I love you, too, bro.] '''Sometimes we got to say "I'm sorry". I'm sorry for whupping your ass, man, 'cause I didn't really mean to do that. The whole thing, it would've been a whole dif...You okay? What's wrong?''' [Roman: I'm just allergic to your bullshit] '''Come on.''' **Who: Tej Parker **Note: Talks to Roman and gives him an inspiring speech while he is blaming himself for putting the entire mission in danger. Shortly after he, Roman, Ramsey and Han arrive at Portugal to meet with Dom, Dante has their plane shot down, leaving his fate unknown. *'''Hey, go easy there. You're gonna break that thing. You all right?''' **Who: Han Lue **Note: Says this to Ramsey when he notices her typying faster on her computer, followed by Ramsey becoming more determined than ever to stop Dante while feeling guilty for God's Eye being used against the people they love. Shortly after he, Tej, Roman and Ramsey arrive at Portugal to meet with Dom, Dante has their plane shot down, leaving his fate unknown. *'''God's Eye was just used to send dozens of mercenaries after Dom's son. Something I created hurting the people we love. It was meant to help. This is bigger than just Dante. This is bigger than just us. We have to stop this monster now.''' **Who: Ramsey **Note: Says this to Han feeling remorseful for God's Eye creation as it is being used to hurt the people they love, which makes her more willing than before to stop Dante. Shortly after she, Tej, Roman and Han arrive at Portugal to meet with Dom, Dante has their plane shot down, leaving her fate unknown. *'''You raised a hell of a son, Dom. Time for me to step out from under your shadow. Thanks for showing me the light.''' [Dom: Jakob?] '''I'm gonna go clear the way. Go get your son.''' [Dom: Jakob, don't! Don't!] **Who: Jakob Toretto **Note: While trying to rescue Little B from Dante, Jakob is unable to get through the way as more enemy cars are closing in. Despite Dom's protests, Jakob makes the hard decision to sacrifice himself, by crashing his car and hurling it towards the other cars, which are all engulfed in flames. *'''Incoming!''' **Who: Roman Pearce **Note: Shouts this at Tej, Ramsey and Han shortly after they arrive at Portugal to meet with Dom, warning them about Dante having their plane shot down by a missile, leaving his fate unknown. *'''Dad. I have faith.''' **Who: Brian "Little B" Toretto **Note: Says this to his Dom while they are surrounded by two trailers attempting to crash Dom's car. After Dom drives off the bridge into the dam below, they narrowly survive, only for Dante to rig the dam with an explosive, which leaves his fate unknown as both Little B and Dom look at each other worried. *'''You made one mistake. You never took my car.''' **Who: Dominic Toretto **Note: Says this to Dante while he and Little B are surrounded by two trailers attempting to crash his car, reminding Dante that he never got rid of it. This allows Dom to drive off the bridge into the dam below. They narrowly survive, only for Dante to rig the dam with an explosive, which leaves his fate unknown as both Dom and Little B look at each other worried. ===''[[The Fifth Element]]'' (1997)=== *'''I'm sorry, sir. It won't happen again.''' **Who: Right Arm **Note: Spoken during a phone conversation with Zorg, following Right Arm's failure to accomplish his mission. Zorg replies "I know.", following which Right Arm immediately dies. *'''Oh no...''' **Who: Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg **Note: Zorg has just deactivated a bomb, but a dying Mangalore reactivates it, leaving him with no more than 5 seconds to live. ===''[[Fight Club (film)|Fight Club]]'' (1999)=== *'''What's that smell?''' **Who: Tyler Durden **Note: Tyler is a figment of the narrator's imagine that takes over when he falls asleep. The narrator "tricks" Tyler into believing the back of his head is blown out when he shoots himself through the cheek. ===''[[w:The Final Cut (2004 film)|The Final Cut]]'' (2004)=== *'''Will you look at that...''' **Who: Alan Hakman ===The ''[[Final Destination#The Final Destination franchise|Final Destination]]'' series=== ====''[[Final Destination (film)|Final Destination]]'' (2000)==== *'''I'm moving on, Carter, and if you wanna waste your life beating the shit out of Alex every time you see him, then you can just drop fucking dead!''' **Who: Terry Chaney **Note: Carter is arguing with Alex about with his thoughts on Death's Design, and Terry yells at them and says the above line before being run over by a bus and killed. *'''You will be. YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE DEAD! And you ain't takin' me with you!''' **Who: Billy Hitchcock **Note: Alex just saved Carter from being run over by a train. Billy freaks out on Death's Design and says that Carter is next. After he says the above line, the train runs over some shrapnel, causing it to fly off, decapitating Billy. ====''[[Final Destination 2]]'' (2003)==== *'''Jesus Christ!''' **Who: Evan Lewis **Note: Lottery winner and a survivor of the Route 180 pileup. While making supper for himself back in his apartment, his ring drops in the sink's garbage disposal, and his hand gets stuck while he tries to retrieve it. At the same time, a fire is caused by both his microwave failing on him and catching fire, while one of the burners on the stove adds to the flames. Eventually, Evan manages to get his wrist out from the sink, and climbs out the fire escape before his apartment explodes. Thinking he was lucky to still be alive, he doesn't notice tripping over the spaghetti he tossed out the window moments earlier. The ladder he jostled while escaping from the explosion now comes down on him and impales him right through his eye. His corpse is later shown being incinerated at William Bludworth's crematory. *'''I don't wanna die!''' **Who: Nora Carpenter **Note: One of the last surviving family members in the Carpenter family. She is heavily grieving over the death of her son Tim (who some time after the pileup died when a glass windowpane at a dentist's office fell and crushed him). Later, at an apartment building, she and Eugene in a elevator when she is told by the other characters that a man with hooks is going to kill her. Coincidentally, a man with closet hooks was in the elevator with them, and she panics, causing her hair to snag on a hook. While she tries to run out of the elevator, she is pulled back towards it, and the doors close in on her throat. Eventually, the doors sever her head off. *'''Eugene...''' **Who: Clear Rivers **Note: She is in killed in a explosion in a hospital, along with Eugene, who she was referencing in the above line. She was the only remaining survivor of the Flight 180 crash from Final Destination 1. ====''[[Final Destination 3]]'' (2006)==== *'''I was gonna look you up afterwards, but--''' ''[notices Wendy looking scared]'' '''You okay? Is something wrong?''' *'''The train.''' *''[alarmed]'' '''Oh, shit. Not again.''' *'''''WE GOTTA GET OUT!''''' *''[Kevin pulls emergency brake, but it doesn't work]'' '''''IT'S NOT WORKING! SOMEBODY STOP THE TRAIN!''''' **Who: Kevin Fischer and Wendy Christensen **Note: Last words said at the end of the film. Wendy has a premonition of the train crash, and the last we see of Wendy is the scared look on her face, as the screen cuts to black, and the sound of metallic screeching is heard. ====''[[The Final Destination]]'' (2009)==== *'''Hurry up, you two! I've got my eye on you.''' **Who: Samantha Lane ([[w:Krista Allen|Krista Allen]]) **Note: After talking to two kids who were throwing rocks, she leaves a salon she was at, and a lawnmower runs over a rock that was in the grass, and it slams into her face, searing her eye off (similar to Evan's death in ''Final Destination 2''). *'''Have you all lost your fucking mind!?!''' **Who: Nadia Monroy **Note: After Nick convinces the group to leave the stadium after he saw a premonition of a car crash, everyone panics and Nadia screams the above line before her head is crushed by a flying tire, reducing it to mush. *'''My wife said deja vu is God's way of saying-''' **Who: George **Note: Ran over by a bus before he can finish this line. *'''I was meant to see-this-movie!''' **Who: Janet **In Nick's premonition of the mall, Janet refuses to leave the cinema, shouting the above line. The screen then explodes, and Janet is impaled by shrapnel. ====''[[Final Destination 5]]'' (2011)==== *'''Oh shit.''' **Who: Issac Palmer **Note: One of the survivors of the bridge collapse from earlier in the film. He is later at a Chinese massage parlor, getting a acupuncture treatment, when the table he is resting on collapses and the needles embed deep inside him. At the same time, the candles in the room are knocked over, causing the room to be set ablaze. Crawling away to safety, he sighs in relief, until a Buddha statue drops from a broken shelf and crushes his head. *'''Help me!''' **Who: Olivia Castle **Note: Whilst having laser eye surgery, the machine malfunctions and burns her eye and hand. She manages to break free, and says the above line several times as her eye bleeds. Sam, Molly and the doctor arrive to help her, but before they can do anything, Olivia trips and falls out of the window onto a car below. Her eye subsequently falls out and is run over by another car. *'''Who's what?''' **Who: Dennis Lapman **Note: The cynical boss of the bridge survivors. He arrives at the factory to question Sam, Nathan, Molly and Peter on the accidental death of Nathan's co-worker. Nathan and Peter ask Sam who is next on Death's list. Dennis asks the above question, just as a stray wrench is launched at him by a belt sander. The wrench penetrates him in the head, spraying blood all over the others and killing him instantly. It is shown that the wrench cut into Dennis's head where his eyes should be. *'''Tell Candice I love her.''' **Who: Peter Friedkin **Note: Insane from the death of girlfriend Candice (who had snapped her spine in a freak gym accident in front of him), he attempts to kill Molly in revenge, since she survived Sam's vision. Peter murders Agent Block, who interrupted the skirmish, but continues to pursue Molly in order to remove witnesses. A violent fight ensues, which culminates in Peter overpowering her. He says the above line as he prepares to stab Molly, but Sam kills him by stabbing him in the back with a large meat skewer before he can do so. *'''Sam!''' **Who: Molly Harper **Note: The girlfriend of protagonist Sam Lawton, who spent most of the movie trying to solve the pattern and how to prevent Death's Design. At the end, she is with Sam on [[Final Destination|Flight 180]], and is sucked out of the plane (and bisected by a plane wing) before it explodes. *'''Molly! Hold on!''' **Who: Sam Lawton **Note: Premonitionist of the movie. After avoiding the bridge collapse, and saving his girlfriend Molly from a berserk co-worker's murder frenzy, he ends up on Flight 180. When it is about to explode, Molly is nearly sucked out, and Sam tries to save her. He fails, as she is sucked out and killed regardless. In defeat, he accepts his fate and is burned alive as the plane explodes. *'''Any day?''' **Who: Nathan Sears **Note: The last remaining survivor of the bridge collapse, he is at a bar following the funeral for Roy (a fellow employee he accidentally killed earlier in the film), when a fellow co-worker comes over to him and tells him that Roy's passing was probably for the best, explaining that after viewing an autopsy, they discovered Roy had a brain aneurysm that would've burst at any moment, saying he could've died any day. Nathan then says this line, to which the co-worker responds with "Life's a bitch", before a turbine from Flight 180 (see above) falls and crushes him to death, sending his hand flying straight at the screen. ===''[[Flash Gordon (film)|Flash Gordon]]'' (1980)=== *'''May this deed of Prince Thun be an example...to all the kingdoms of Mongo...DEATH TO MING!!!''' **Who: Prince Thun **Notes: Prince Thun is told as a tribute to Ming to stab himself with his sword. But Thun attempts to take Ming by surprise, only to be frozen in place, then the emperor stabs him with the sword. ===''[[Flubber (film)|Flubber]]'' (1997)=== *'''Kiss me, big boy!''' **Who: Weebo **Notes: Said while leading Smith and Wesson on a chase through Brainard's house. But Wesson hits her with a baseball bat, rendering her smashed beyond repair. ===''The Fly'' series=== ====''[[The Fly (1986 film)|The Fly]]'' (1986)==== *'''We'll be the ultimate family. A family of three, joined together in one body...more human than I am alone.''' **Who: Seth Brundle **Note: After Seth reveals his plan to fuse with Veronica and their unborn child, she tries to fight him off. In the process, she accidentally tears off his jaw, triggering his final transformation into a mute human-fly hybrid creature. Seth tries to implement his plan, only for Stathis to free Veronica, while Seth is fused to part of his telepod. The mortally wounded Seth beckons Veronica to end his life with Stathis's shotgun and she obliges. ====''[[The Fly II|The Fly II]]'' (1989)==== *'''Fuck!''' **Who: Scorby *'''No! Don't! No! NOOOOO!!!''' **Who: Antonius Bartok ===''[[w:Fong Sai-yuk (film)|Fong Sai-yuk]]''=== *'''Even you won't be able to help him. Now...We're both going to die together.''' **Who: The Governor of Nine Gates **Note: In the final battle against the Governor of Nine Gates, he tries to use dynamite to take the Red Flower Society leader Chan Ka-Kok with him. But he loses his grip, then Chan pierces him with sword, then Fong Sai-yuk throws a spear into the dynamite then it blows the governor up. ===''[[The Forbidden Kingdom]]'' (2008)=== *'''Who are you?''' **Who: Jade Warlord **Notes: Said when Golden Sparrow draws his attention. She throws a Jade Dart at him, but he deflects it with Chi magic before attacking the Monkey King again. He is then defeated by being batted by the Monkey King into Jason, who impales his heart with the dart, causing him to fall into a fiery abyss. *'''I...I thank you...''' **Who: Golden Sparrow **Notes: Said to Jason, after he has killed the Jade Warlord, having been critically wounded by him. The same actress appears later in the film in a different time period, leaving an open question as to whether she was resurrected, or the later appearance is simply a different person who looks the same. ===''[[Forrest Gump]]'' (1994)=== *'''I wanna go home.''' **Who: Benjamin Beuford "Bubba" Blue **Note: Character was shot while fighting in Vietnam. He is found and carried to safety by Forrest Gump. Bubba asks, "Forrest, why did this happen?" to which Forrest responds, "You got shot." Forrest, doing a voice-over, says, "Then, Bubba said something I won't ever forget." Bubba then says this line. *'''I will miss you, Forrest.''' **Who: Mrs. Gump **Note: Mrs. Gump is dying of cancer. She speaks to her son Forrest when he rushes home after getting a call that his mother is dying. *'''I love you.''' **Who: Jenny Curran **Note: Spoken to Forrest as she lies in bed talking to him. She dies of an unknown virus, possible HIV or AIDS. ===''[[Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare]]'' (1991)=== :''See ''[[#The A Nightmare on Elm Street franchise|''the ''A Nightmare on Elm Street'' franchise'']]'' below.'' ===The ''[[Friday the 13th (franchise)|Friday the 13th]]'' franchise=== :''See ''[[last words in Friday the 13th films|''last words in ''Friday the 13th'' films'']]''.'' ===''[[The Frighteners]]'' (1996)=== *'''Lucy, better close the door. Hurry up.''' *'''You killed her...''' **Who: Frank Bannister ([[w:Michael J. Fox|Michael J. Fox]]) **Note: He dies twice in the movie and is resurrected twice. First was when he allowed Lucy to freeze him to death so he could fight Bartlett in spirit form (he's later brought back through quick medical procedures). Second was when he was trying to finish Bartlett by getting to a chapel to bury his remains. He is choked to death by Patricia, and goes to Heaven but is later told by Stuart and Cyrus that it's "not his time" and is resurrected. *'''Bye, Frank!''' **Who: Johnny Bartlett **Note: He is eaten by creatures from Hell along with Patricia after rescuing her from Frank. *'''Johnny! Johnny!''' **Who: Patricia Ann Bradley *'''I'm an asshole...with an Uzi!''' **Who: Milton Dammers **Note: Last words before accidentally getting shot by Patricia. *'''Here, take your shit and get the hell out of my house! C'mon! Move!''' *'''Lucy, go!''' **Who: Ray Lynskey **Note: Last words said by Ray to Frank while he was a human. He is later killed by Johnny Bartlett/Death (not portrayed on-screen). As a spirit, he is killed again by Bartlett while trying to help Lucy escape from Patricia's home. *'''I think we got him.''' **Who: Stuart **Note: Stuart, one of Frank's ghost assistants, is stabbed through the head seconds later, by Bartlett. *'''Go, Frank! Get out of here! Please! Now!''' **Who: Cyrus **Note: Another one of Frank's ghost assistants; as he's giving Frank and Lucy time to escape by fending off Bartlett, Bartlett gets the upper hand and pulls Cyrus' soul out of his ghost body. *'''My juices are flowing again!''' **Who: The Judge **Note: He is chopped in half by Bartlett. *'''Oh no! No!''' *You're a murderer! **Who: Magda Rees-Jones **Note: Frank finds out that Magda is Bartlett's next victim, so he kidnaps Magda in an attempt to try and escape from Bartlett. While being chased, Frank accidentally crashes his car into the woods. Madga tries and escapes but Bartlett catches her and kills her. As a spirt, she yells at Frank thinking it was he who killed her and his wife, as she transcends into Heaven. ===''[[Full Metal Jacket]]'' (1987)=== *'''Now, you listen to me, Private Pyle, and you listen good. I want that weapon. And I want it ''now.'' You will place that rifle on the deck at your feet...and step back away from it.''' ''[Pyle insanely smiles, lifts the rifle up and aims it at Hartman.]'' '''''WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, NUMBNUTS?! DIDN'T MOMMY AND DADDY SHOW YOU ENOUGH ATTENTION WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD?!''''' **Who: Gunnery Sergeant Hartman **Note: The character is then shot by a mentally unsound person, whom the character frequently abused. *'''I can hack it.''' **Who: Private Cowboy **Notes: While bleeding out from being shot in the back by a sniper. *'''Shoot...me...''' **Who: VC sniper girl **Note: After being shot, a young female VC sniper begs Private Joker to shoot her rather than dying a slow death. He complies. ===''[[w:Fullmetal Alchemist: Conqueror of Shambala|Fullmetal Alchemist: Conqueror of Shambala]]'' (2005)=== *'''Please, I just want to go home...where Mommy is.''' ''[screams in agony.]'' '''NOW!''' **Who: Wrath **Note: Wrath has just ended a fight with a gigantic and mutated Gluttony by smashing his own automated arm into the center of an alchemic array. In doing so he has locked his arm in place so that Gluttony cannot pull Wrath away. As Gluttony begins crushing Wrath's torso with his jaws, Wrath pleads with Alphonse to use him and Gluttony as an alchemical sacrifice. In The Gate, he is reunited with his mother and fades into a Portal of Truth *'''Give Al...my regards.''' **Who: Hohenheim Elric **Note: Character offers his life to open a portal between worlds. He ends his own life by causing envy, now mutated into a giant dragon, to bite down on him, opening the portal. *'''We're real, Edward. Not just one of your dreams, like your father. I care, and I make mistakes. I may not live much longer, but I'll still be here. Just don't forget me.''' **Who: Alphonse Heimlech *Note: The character is dying of TB, and has built huge rocket planes for the Thule Society to make his mark on the world. He regrets his actions when Eckart shoots Edward, and places him in a small rocket plane to stop them. He is shot by one of his Nazi overlords and dies soon after. The Gypsy Noah dances at his funeral. *'''Open it again...The doorway...we must destroy it...sham...balla...''' **Who: "Chairman" Eckart **Notes: The character has become utterly encased in trandimensional matter, which forms around her in an apparatus resembling a pressure suit. She is shot and killed by one of her colleauges. The character had a nasty habit of shooting people she didn't need any more, so her death is poetic justice. ==G== ===''[[w:Gamer (film)|Gamer]]'' (2009)=== *'''When I think it, you fucking do it!''' **Who: Ken Castle **Notes: Last words before being stabbed in the abdomen. ===''[[w:Gandhi (film)|Gandhi]]'' (1982)=== *'''Oh, God! Oh, God...''' **Who: Mahatma Gandhi **Notes: Last words after being shot in the chest multiple times by an assassin. *'''We must have the courage to take their anger.''' **Who: Jallianwalla Bagh speaker **Notes: Said to the crowds at Jallianwalla Bagh, before becoming one of the casualties when Colonel Dyer orders his troops to open fire on the crowd. *'''Four times he tried, and failed. But then he took a solemn vow.''' [Margaret: ''And he's never broken it?''] '''Not yet.''' **Who: Kasturba Gandhi **Notes: Kasturba talks with Margaret Bourke-White about her husband's vow of celibacy, before dying in a later scene from heart failure. ===''[[Gangs of New York]]'' (2002)=== *'''Thank God. I die a true American.''' ** Who: Bill "The Butcher" Cutting ** Notes: It was the aftermath of a gang war attacked by Union troops. After Bill "The Butcher" said his last words, Amsterdam Vallon stabbed him in the stomach, killing him. *'''Finish it...''' ** Who: 'Priest' Vallon **Notes: Said to Bill the Butcher after being stabbed during a gang fight, who then stabs him one final time. *'''Bastards!''' **Who: Shang **Notes: Yelled at Union Soldiers during the Draft Riots, and Shang is beat to death after he charges at them. *'''Come on up. Let's see if we can resolve our grievances the democratic way.''' **Who: Monk McGinn **Notes: After refusing a fight between himself and Bill the Butcher, Monk says this before walking back into his shop, thinking Bill is following him. Bill then throws a cleaver into his back and then beats him to death with his own club. ===''[[Geostorm]]'' (2017)=== *'''NO!''' **Who: Makmond **Note: Character had managed to obtain data from a malfunctioning satellite and hid the drive, before being ejected into space by Duncan to keep him from exposing the Project Zeus scheme. *'''Zeus.''' **Who: Cheng **Note: Character was intentionally bumped onto the road and injured by a car thanks to rico who makes it look like an accident. He manages to say this line to Max, so he could realize what Project Zeus was, before dying of his injuries. *'''Yes, sir.''' **Who: Rico **Note: Character says this line after treacherous Secretary of State Leonard Dekkom ordered him to make sure President Palma doesn't leave the stadium they are in. However, Secret Service agent Sarah Wilson, aware of Dekkom's treachery, fakes a terrorist attack to help Max extract the President from the stadium, forcing Rico and other mercenaries to go after him in a car chase across Orlando. The chase ends with Max's car ramming Rico's, abandoning him to die inside his car when it explodes. *'''Please. We're gonna keep all the best bits. Aren't you a little bit curious to watch the world...burn?''' *'''Oh, shit!''' **Who: Duncan Taylor **Note: Character was revealed to be a traitor inside the ISS crew, and says the first line while consequently confronting Jake with a gun. However, Jake replies "No, because millions of people are gonna die. And one of them's my daughter." The ensuing struggle ends with Duncan accidentally shooting a hole in a window. Jake immediately seals him in the room, leaving him to be ejected into space when the window breaks. ===''[[Get Carter]]'' (1971)=== *'''Goodbye, Eric!''' **Who: Jack Carter ([[Michael Caine]]) **Notes: Soon after killing Eric, character is himself murdered. ===''[[Ghost (1990 film)|Ghost]]'' (1990)=== *'''It's amazing, Molly. The love inside. You take it with you. See ya.''' **Who: Sam Wheat ([[w:Patrick Swayze|Patrick Swayze]]) **Note: Said to his love interest, Molly Jensen, before entering a heavenly afterlife. An emotional Molly replies, "See ya. Bye." ===''[[Ghostbusters: Afterlife|Ghostbusters: Afterlife]]'' (2021)=== *'''Your Eminence. Goddess of gods. I have built this temple for you, so that you might return to Earth. And together, we... we can rule the world--''' **Who: Ivo Shandor ([[w:J. K. Simmons|J. K. Simmons]]) **Note: Character has worshipped the malevolent deity Gozer in order to grant it access to Earth and bring about the apocalypse, also preserving himself in suspended animation in order to live to see it happen. However, he is torn apart by Gozer once it no longer needs him. ===''[[G.I. Joe: Retaliation]]'' (2013)=== *'''Incoming! Incoming! Go, go, go, go, go!''' **Who: Duke **Notes: Spotting a Cobra chopper and knowing he can't escape, he shouts these Flint as he pushes him out of the way before the humvee is blown and Duke is killed. *'''Be a good G.I. Joe and drop the gun. We're walking out of here. I will shoot him in the head. Do you understand me? You're not listening, are you? Put the gun down! DROP IT!''' **Who: Zandar **Note: Zartan's brother posing head of security. Zandar holds the President at gunpoint and threatens to kill him before the Joes Lady Jaye and Colton, but Jaye shoots the president's arm so Colton can get a clear shot and kill Zandar. *'''Yeah, I can see that was wrong.''' **Who: Zartan **Note: The master of disguise for Cobra Command, Zartan using the President's face, admits he killed Storm Shadow's master, then he is stabbed to death by Storm Shadow. *'''You want that case? You're gonna have to come through me. Oh, yeah. That's right.''' **Who: Firefly **Note: A G.I. JOE turned to Cobra henchman, Firefly dares Roadblock to try and get the Project Zeus suitcase, then fights him before being blown up by his own drone thanks to Roadblock. ===''[[Gladiator (2000 film)|Gladiator]]'' (2000)=== *'''Commodus...''' **Who: Marcus Aurelius **Note: Said to a weeping Commodus, who he had denied the title of Emperor due to his failings, which he blamed on himself. Commodus then smothers him by hugging him incredibly hard to his chest. *'''Shadows and dust.''' **Who: Proximo **Note: Line was said early to describe mortals like he and Maximus. Said again moments before he is stabbed to death for betraying the Caesar. *'''Sword! Give me a sword!''' **Who: Commodus **Note: Said after he is disarmed by Maximus in their duel. When nobody gives him a sword, he attacks Maximus with a hidden dagger, but Maximus overpowers him and drives it into his throat. *'''Lucius is safe.''' **Who: Maximus Decimus Meridius ([[w:Russell Crowe|Russell Crowe]]) **Note: Character played by Russel Crowe has just defeated the Commodus after he was secretly, lethally stabbed before the public fight. He is referring to Lucilla's son, who she feared Commodus may kill. ===''[[Glory (film)|Glory]]'' (1989)=== *'''COME ON 54TH!''' **Who: Col. Robert Shaw **Notes: Shaw was trying to rally his troops to invade a Confederate base. He was shot immediately after saying this, trying to scale a sand dune. ===''The Godfather'' films=== :''See ''[[last words in The Godfather media|''last words in ''The Godfather'' media'']]''.'' ===The [[Godzilla (franchise)|''Godzilla'']] franchise=== ====''[[Godzilla (1954 film)|Gojira]]'' (1954)==== *'''Ogata, it worked! Both of you, be happy. Goodbye...farewell.''' **Who: Dr. Daisuke Serizawa **Note: Said after deploying his Oxygen Destroyer to kill Godzilla. He then cuts the line on his dive suit so he cannot be pulled up, and dies with Godzilla. ====''[[Godzilla (1998 film)|Godzilla]]'' (1998)==== *'''I think I lost him.''' **Who: Echo 4 **After being chased, and apparently losing Zilla, the soldier in Echo 4 helicopter says this before the monster below him takes the helicopter out. ====''[[Godzilla 2000]]'' (1999)==== *'''GODZILLA!!!''' **Who: Katagiri **Note: Screamed at Godzilla, who was resting his claw on the front of the building he was on. Godzilla rips the part of the building down and Katagiri falls to his death. ====''[[Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S.]]'' (2003)==== *'''SAYONARA YOSHITO''' **Who: Kiryu (Mechagodzilla) **Note: These words are shown on the screen on board the Kiryu to the mechanic Yoshito Chujo, who is about to fall out from Mechagodzilla. Yoshito responds, "Sayonara...Kiryu," and falls down, but he is caught by a pilot on the jet, which ejects and catches him in mid-air. Then, both Kiryu and Godzilla fall into the ocean, to their final resting place. ====''Godzilla: King of the Monsters'' (2019)==== *'''Son of a bitch. It worked!''' **Who: Dr. Tim Mancini **Note: He exclaims this after seeing Dr. Emma Russell activate the ORCA to calm down the newborn Mothra. Not moments later, Alan Jonah's soldiers arrive and gun down the science team. Mancini raises his hands high before Jonah shoots him in the face. *'''Goodbye...old friend.''' **Who: Dr. Ishirō Serizawa **Note: Said in Japanese. He sacrifices himself when he manually detonates the nuclear weapon, which revives the weakened Godzilla by surging him with nuclear energy. *'''Long live the King.''' **Who: Dr. Emma Russell **Note: She is thrown from a car after King Ghidorah attacks. She utters this in Ghidorah's presence, before Godzilla arrives and kills it. ===''Gold'' (1974)=== *'''You go, my friend.''' **Who: Johnny Nkulu/Big King **Note: The chief miner of the Sonderditch mine. As he and his best friend Rod Slater set up explosives, the former places his friend in a dinghy and King bids this. While Rod cries out to him, Big King detonates the charge to seal the breached dyke but also kills himself in the blast. *'''He's too late. He can't do anything, he's too late.''' **Who: Manfred Steyner **Note: The corrupt director manager of the Sonderditch mine. He gloats this thinking Rod Slater will arrive a bit late to stop the flood. Fortunately, Slater and King seal the dyke. When he and Marais hear their plan has failed, Marais vengefully chases him in his car eventually fatally running him down. *'''You didn't think of that, did you?''' **Who: Stephen Marais **Note: Said when he spots Rod Slater's plane about to land close to the mine. When he learns the plot to flood the mine for profits has failed, Marais runs Steyner down fatally but the latter shatters his car window. He loses control of his car and crashes dying in the car's explosion and fire. ===''The Golden Child'' (1986)=== *'''I did not spend the night with you to obligate you. I spent the night with you, because I love you...''' **Who: Kee Nang **Note: Said after taking an arrow fired by Numspa meant for Jarrell and dies from the wound. *'''I could destroy you ''[snaps his fingers]'' just like that...!''' **Who: Sardo Numspa **Note: Said while confronting Jarrell at the airport over the Ajanti dagger. After that, he says nothing else. When Jarrell confronts him much later in the villain's hideout, Numspa changes into his true demonic form and wildly chases Jarrell and the Golden Child with the intent of killing them. At Doctor Hong's shop, the Golden Child gets the dagger into Jarrell's hands, so the hero stabs the Ajanti dagger into Numspa's heart destroying the demon. ===''[[Gone Baby Gone]]'' (2007)=== *'''I love children.''' **Who: Remy Bressant **Note: Said after being asked why he kidnapped Amanda. ===''[[Gone in 60 Seconds]]'' (2000)=== *No, you've got that the wrong way around; If I kill you, YOUR life's over! Not all bad though. Funeral on the telly, everybody out there, pressed and dressed, guard of honor, twenty-one gun salute and the stars and stripes draped all over your coffin. It'll be the greatest day of your life. **Who: Raymond Callitri **Note: A crime boss seeking to steal fifty cars compelling the Raines brothers to accomplish this mission lest Kip be executed. When cornered in his hideaway by Castlebeck, he says this in response to how killing the cop will make his life even worse than it already is. Thankfully, Memphis Raines knocks the crime boss over the catwalk railing sending him falling to his death on the same coffin he intended for Kip. ===''[[The Good Shepherd]]'' (2006)=== *'''Get out while you still can, Edward...while you still live...while you still have a soul.''' **Who: Edward Wilson’s Poetry Professor **Notes: Edward Wilson had been ordered to offer his former poetry professor, another person involved in intelligence services, a chance to resign due to his being indiscreet, but the professor refuses. The professor ties Edward’s shoes (a pre-arranged signal) and says this line before some agents, seeing the signal, kill him off-screen and dump his body in the river. *'''I am free...''' **Who: Valentin **Notes: Character had been believed to have been an impostor, and was punched and drenched with water before being given LSD (in an attempt to convince him to tell the truth). After being given LSD, he confirms his story, says that Soviet power is a myth, and then says this line before leaping out a window to his death. ===''[[Goodfellas]]'' (1990)=== *'''Why don't you go fuck yourself, Tommy?''' **Who: "Spider" ([[w:Michael Imperioli|Michael Imperioli]]) **Notes: Shot by Tommy DeVito. *'''No, no, no, no don't, no, no...''' **Who: Billy Batts **Notes: Batts had been nearly beaten to death by Jimmy, Tommy, and Henry and placed in the trunk of their car. When they hear him struggle while driving, they stop and open the trunk. He says this before Tommy stabs him multiple times, and Jimmy finishes him off by shooting him. *'''Be ready in a minute.''' **Who: "Stacks" Edwards ([[w:Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson]]) **Note: Character is late for a criminal operation. Tommy DeVito replies "Yeah, you were always late, you were late for your own fuckin' funeral." and shoots him. *'''Hear about the points we were shaving in Boston?''' [No, I didn't.] '''Oh, it was terrific. Yeah, Nunzio, up in-''' **Who: Morrie **Note: Morrie gets into a car with fellow mobsters, saying this right before Tommy DeVito impales the back of his head with an ice pick. Tommy then says ironically 'Never though he'd shut the fuck up.' *'''Oh no!''' **Who: Tommy DeVito ([[w:Joe Pesci|Joe Pesci]]) **Note: Said after realizing he was about to get killed. He is then shot in the back of the head. ===''[[The Grand Budapest Hotel]]'' (2014)=== *'''I love you.''' **Who: Madame D *'''I'm an attorney, Dmitri; I'm obligated to proceed according to rule of law. Not agreed.''' *'''Did he just throw my cat out of the window?''' **Who: Deputy Vilmos Kovacs **Note: Character says the first line while confirming his refusal to work with Madame D's son, Dmitri, and the second line after Dmitri's contract killer, J.G. Jopling, responds by throwing Kovacs' cat out of the window. He is not seen or heard saying any other lines afterwards, and Jopling enacts further retaliation later on by chopping the lawyer's fingers off and killing him behind a closed door. *'''Right.''' **Who: Serge X. **Note: Character was trying to reveal information to M. Gustave regarding the Second Copy of Madame D's second will, but is strangled to death off-screen before he can reveal any of the information. *'''You filthy goddamn pock-marked facist assholes!''' **Who: M. Gustave **Note: Character says this line to a death squad to protect Zero and Agatha, a repeat of what he said to the police on the initial train ride earlier in the film. He is revealed to have subsequently been shot later on, while Zero and Agatha survive the incident. ===''[[Gran Torino]]'' (2008)=== *'''Got a light? No? I've got a light. Hail Mary, full of grace.''' **Who: Walt Kowalski **Note: After numerous problems involving a close family to Walt, and a Hmong gang, Walt comes to the conclusion that the family won't ever be at peace until the gang leaves for good. At night, Walt comes over to their house and stands outside. After a small heated discussion, which ends up with several gang members pointing guns at Walt, Walt pulls out a cigarette. Asks if any of them have a light. They look confused, he says he has a light. He says a Hail Mary and reaches into the inside of his coat. He quickly whips his hand out. As he does this, the gang members open fire, shooting multiple rounds into Walt, who is killed. His hand is revealed to be holding his lighter. ===''[[Gravity (film)|Gravity]]'' (2013)=== *'''You should see the sun on the Ganges. It's amazing.''' **Who: Matt Kowalski **Note: Character kills himself by detaching from Ryan Stone to avoid pulling her out to space with him, and says this as he is gazing at the Earth for the last time. *'''Need some help there, Matt?''' **Who: Shariff ===''[[The Green Mile]]'' (1999)=== *'''Boy, watchu lookin' at? Watchu lookin' at, you limp noodle? You wanna kiss my ass? You wanna suck my dick?''' **Who: William "Wild Bill" Wharton *'''Heaven...I'm in heaven....''' **Who: John Coffey ===''[[Gremlins]]'' (1984)=== *'''Gizmo caca!''' **Who: Stripe **Notes: Killed by sunlight. ===''[[Grindhouse (film)|Grindhouse]]'' (2007)=== ====''[[Grindhouse (film)#Planet Terror|Planet Terror]]''==== *'''Don't worry, baby, you'll find your way...''' **Who: El Wray **Note: Last words before dying of his wounds. He was hit multiple times while exhanging fire between an infected soldier. *'''I never had a choice.''' **Who: Muldoon ([[w: Bruce Willis|Bruce Willis]]) **Note: Said after transforming into an infected. He is then shot to death by El Wray and Abby. *'''My turn.''' **Who: Doctor Block **Note: Last words before being shot by Earl McGraw. He had cornered Dakota in an abandoned helicopter and was about to stab her with a needle. *'''Oh, shit.''' **Who: Deputy Tolo **Note: Said in amazement to El Wray's revolver tricks. He gets torn apart by the infected minutes later. *'''What if it's dad?''' **Who: Tony **Note: Last words before accidentally shooting himself. His mother told him to shoot anyone that comes toward the car, if it wasn't her. *'''No, fuck it! Fuck the gas! I'm just gonna have to make it quick!''' **Who: Rapist #1 ([[w: Quentin Tarantino|Quentin Tarantino]]) **Note: Last words before transforming into an infected and then being shot with a grenade launcher. His words were a response to another soldier telling him to take the gas to prevent from decaying but he was too focused on trying to rape Cherry. *'''Wait here.''' **Who: Abby **Note: Last words while the group was trying to make it to the helicopters. He is shot in the head after exposing himself. *'''Ok, but you have to take this recipe to the grave.''' **Who: J.T. *I think I can god damn guarantee that. **Who: Sheriff Hague **Note: Last words before blowing themselves up inside the army base. They were already dying of their wounds so J.T. decided to tell Hague his secret barbeque sauce recipe. ====''[[Grindhouse (film)#Death Proof|Death Proof]]''==== *'''Hey, I, I get it. It's just a joke. I know all about jokes but if you can just let me out now, I promise I won't tell anybody because I know it's a joke. Please just-''' **Who: Pam **Note: Character was trying to get Stuntman Mike to slow down and not speed due to her lack of a seatbelt. In result, he sped up even faster and then applied the brakes, causing her to break her neck on the way out of the windshield. ===''[[Guardians of the Galaxy (film)]]'' (2014)=== *'''Take my hand.''' **Who: Meredith Quill **Note: The character was Peter Quill's mother, who was dying of cancer. After giving her son his Birthday gift, which is revealed in the end to be another mix tape, "Awesome Mix Vol. 2", she says these to Peter before she succumbs to the cancer and dies. It was revealed in the sequel, ''Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2'' that Peter's father Ego gave Meredith a cancerous tumor. *'''You...will never...rule Xandar.''' [Ronan: No. '''I WILL CURE IT!!!'''] **Who: Ronan's Xandarian Prisoner **Note: Said before being mercilessly executed by Ronan, who crushed him with his Universal Hammer. *'''Lower your tone! I may be your-''' **Who: The Other (Alexis Denisof) **Note: As Ronan started laying his grievances against Thanos, The Other says these words before Ronan used his Universal Warhammer to rotate the Other's head 180 degrees, killing him instantly. *'''I will no longer be your slave!''' **Who: Carina **Note: The character was the assistant of Taneleer Tivan, The Collector. When Gamora, Star-Lord, Rocket, Groot, and Drax delivered the Power Stone to the Collector, Carina seized the opportunity to free herself of slavery and tried to steal the Infinity stone. She grabbed the stone, however she was not strong enough to handle it; her body exploded with energy, killing her, and destroying much of the Collector's collection. *'''You Thief! You will never make it to Ronan!''' **Who: Korath the Pursuiter (Djimon Hounsou) **Note: Said to Peter Quill/Star-Lord while tring to stop him from reaching Ronan before he is killed in a duel by Drax. *'''Yondu Udonta! Order your man to turn on the Nova Corps!''' ''[Yondu whistles and summons his dagger]'' '''Enough nonsense, Ravager! Time to die-''' **Who: Unnamed Sakaaran Captain **Note: Character says these words before Yondu summons his dagger with his whistle and uses it to kill him along with the Sakaaran soldiers with him. *'''Rocket!''' **Who: Denarian Garthan Saal **Note: Said to Rocket Raccoon while trying to hold down against Ronan's ship, the Dark Aster, before Ronan uses the Power of the Orb in the Universal Warhammer to destroy the Nova Corps Ships, killing Saal in the progress. *'''We...Are...Groot.''' **Who: Groot (Vin Diesel) **Note: Said to Rocket Raccoon while seemingly sacrificing himself to save the rest of the team by enveloping them in a wooden ball grown from himself as Ronan's ship crashes. At the film's conclusion, however, Rocket has recovered a twig from Groot, which is shown to be re-growing into a miniature Groot. He is notable for having a limited vocabulary, on which he could only say: "I am Groot", although the meaning apparently changes depending on the inflections he uses. But he actually says this phrase, which implies a bond formed between the heroes. *'''You're Mortal! How?!''' [Peter Quill/Star Lord: You said it yourself, bitch. We're the Guardians of the Galaxy.] **Who: Ronan the Accuser **Note: After Rocket and Drax destroyed his warhammer, releasing the Orb from it, Quill, in slow-mo, quickly caught the Orb, only to be almost killed by its power. When Gamora, Drax, and Rocket grabbed his hand, helping with the burden of the Orb's power, Ronan says these words, to which Quill replies, "You said it yourself, bitch. We're the Guardians of the Galaxy.", and directs its energy at Ronan, killing him. ===''[[Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2]]'' (2017)=== *'''I am sending you the coordinates for Yondu's ship. I only ask one thing. That your High Priestess tell him the name of the man who sealed his fate: Taserface!''' **Who: Taserface *'''No, we need to stop it. Stop. Stop. Listen to me! You are a god. If you kill me, you'll be just like everybody else.''' [Quill: What's so wrong with that?] '''No!''' **Who: Ego *'''I'm sorry I didn't do none of it right. I'm damn lucky you're my boy.''' **Who: Yondu ==H== ===The ''[[Halloween (franchise)|Halloween]]'' franchise=== :''See ''[[last words in the Halloween film series|''last words in the ''Halloween'' franchise'']]''.'' *'''Michael!''' **Who: Judith Myers **Source: ''[[Halloween (1978 film)|Halloween]]'' (1978) **Note: Judith says this to her brother, the six year old Michael Myers, who then repeatedly stabs her to death. ===''[[Hancock (film)|Hancock]]'' (2008)=== *'''You didn't?!''' **Who: Kenneth "Red" Parker Jr. **Notes: Character had ones of his hands cut off by Hancock earlier in the movie, and just had his other hand chopped off by Ray, who then killed him. ===''[[w:Hang 'Em High|Hang 'Em High]]'' (1968)=== *'''Alright, Marshal, what do you say I done?''' ''[Jed: You don't remember me, do you?]'' '''No!''' **Who: Reno **Note: Said while having an unhappy reunion with Jed Cooper, the lawman he tried to lynch, his adversary tells him "When you hang a man, you better look at him." Reno tries to shoot him in self-defense only to be gunned down by Jed. *'''You're now looking, for the last time, at the mortal body of Francis Elroy Duffy, born to John and Edna Duffy, good, God-fearing folk. Who raised me up to be a good man and a good Christian, and I was a good Christian, a good husband to my beloved wife, good father to my children, who I leave behind, hoping that they, and all you, will learn this here lesson which I leave you with. When you take the devil into your mouth, you're doomed! For he is lying there in wait for you inside that bottle of whiskey. Waiting for you to take him into your mouth. Waiting to get down into your guts where he can do his devil's work. Liquor is the most foul, evil thing in this here world. It destroyed good men like myself. It'll destroy you too. Beer is not much better-it's slower, cheaper. So take these words of advice. And remember, you heard them from a poor sinner, got no more cause to lie, 'cause he's going to meet his Maker. Now he's ready. Well that's all I've got to say.''' **Who: Francis Elroy Duffy **Notes: A whiskey peddler who is found guilty and sentenced to hang. Francis Duffy gives this speech before he is hanged along with Miller and the two brothers Ben and Billy Joe. ===''[[Hannibal (film)|Hannibal]]'' (2001)=== *'''Allegra, cara, I'll be home just a little later than I said. I'm taking Dr. Fell out for a drink.''' **Who: Inspector Renaldo Pazzi *'''Cordell? ''Cordell?'' CORDELL! CORDELL!''' **Who: [[w:Mason Verger|Mason Verger]] **Note: Prior to the film, this character was severely mutilated and crippled by Hannibal Lecter. Witnessing Lecter's excape, he orders his personal physician Cordell to enter a pen filled with wild boars in order to retrieve a handgun. Cordell, who is visually distressed, refuses. Lecter talks Cordell into pushing Verger into the pen, who, unable to defend himself, is promptly killed by the boars. ===''[[Hard Boiled]]'' (1992)=== *'''You bastard! Eat shit!''' **Who: Andy ([[w:Tony Leung Chiu Wai|Tony Leung]]) **Note: After being held at gunpoint by Johnny (the antagonist), he lets Johnny shoot him to give Tequila ([[w: Chow Yun Fat|Chow Yun Fat]]) an opening to shoot Johnny. ===The ''[[Harold & Kumar]]'' series=== *'''Bullets...my only weakness. How did you know?''' **Who: Officer Palumbo (in a dream) **Source: ''[[Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle]]'' (2004) *'''FUCK YOUUUUUUU!!!!''' **Who: Ron Fox **Source: ''[[Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay]]'' (2008) ===''[[Harold and Maude]]'' (1971)=== *[Harold: But I love you.] '''Oh, Harold...that's wonderful. Go and love some more.''' **Who: Maude **Note: Last words before dying from an overdose of unidentified tablets. Harold rushes her to the hospital but she passes away before morning. ===''Harry Potter''=== :''See ''[[last words in Harry Potter media|''last words in ''Harry Potter'' media'']]''.'' ===''[[w:Hawk the Slayer|Hawk the Slayer]]'' (1980)=== *'''The last elfin mindstone. Think of the great sword in your hand, and it will be so. The Mindsword is now yours, my son...''' **Who: Hawk and Voltan's father. **Notes: When mortally wounded by Voltan, he asks his younger child Hawk to imbue the last elfin mindstone with his sword. He then bids these to his son about the Mindsword before dying. This ignites Hawk's quest to hunt down and kill Voltan. *'''Damn you to HEEEEEEEELL!''' **Who: Sped **Notes: After losing to Hawk's party, Gort forces him to hold up his own mace by rope with his teeth. When he curses, he notices his falling mace too late and his facial is crushed to a pulp. *'''I wanted to prove myself. Hawk...''' ''[Voltan: Hawk? Where?]'' '''He helps the nuns... The gold is in the church... I tried...''' **Who: Drogo **Notes: Voltan's son and second-in-command. After being mortally wounded by Hawk who refuses to give into Voltan's demands, he cries these at Voltan's war camp then dies while his father mourns. *'''There is no time, my beloved. Voltan goes to detroy your father... You must go...''' **Who: Eliane **Notes: Hawk's betrothed. Having been denied his marriage to her, Voltan mortally wounds her with a crossbow bolt. She then warns these to Hawk before drawing her dying breath. *'''You said no blood would be spilt in inside the church; I kept my side of the bargain.''' **Who: Sister Monica **Notes: The deputy abbess of the abbey. She betrays Hawk to Voltan to allow him and his forces entry so they can capture Hawk's party. When she tries to explain these, Voltan replies, "Unfortunately, you will not live long enough to realize your mistake!" then knifes her. *'''I am sorry not to be with you for the final fight... I die as I wanted, among my friends...''' **Who: Baldin **Notes: The dwarf companion of Hawk's party. While captured at the abbey, he is mortally wounded by Voltan. After the party escapes, seeing no way to survive, Baldin bids these to his friends before dying. His grave is then protected by the Sorceress's magic barrier. *'''HAWK, THE CHIEF ABBESS, THEY'RE TAKING HER!''' **Who: Ranulf **Notes: The crossbow warrior who fights alongside Hawk. During the final fight at the abbey, Ranulf warns these when the Chief abbess is being taken then is killed with a knife to the back by Voltan. *'''Brother... I shall wait for you... at the gates of... Hell...!''' **Who: Voltan **Notes: Hawk's sinister brother. After a brutal fight, Hawk cuts his stomach open, then Voltan bids these as he dies. Later, the Black Wizard takes the lifeless Voltan into the unknown suggesting the wizard will try to give him a second chance at life... ===''[[Heat (1995 film)|Heat]]'' (1995)=== *'''Come here.''' **Who: Michael Cherrito **Notes: While fleeing from police after a failed bank robbery, Cherrito said the line when picking up a little girl in the line of fire. He was shot and killed seconds later by Vincent Hannah. *'''Please, Neil, don't leave me like this...''' **Who: Trejo **Notes: Character was forced to sell out his friends after his wife was held captive. Neil McCauley later found Trejo half dead and his wife killed. He begs Neil to kill him which he does. *'''How the hell would I know?''' **Who: Roger van Zant **Notes: The character was involved with setting up McCauley and killing his friends. McCauley arrives at his house demands to know where his accomplice is. After saying the line, he is shot to death. *'''Look man, let's just talk about this for a second.''' **Who: Waingro **Notes: The character was Van zant's accomplice and McCauley's former partner who set him up. McCauley breaks into his hotel room after the line is said. Waingro is then beaten and shot to death. *'''Told you I'm never going back.''' **Who: Neil McCauley ([[w:Robert DeNiro|Robert DeNiro]]) **Note: Character is referring to prison, having just been shot by Vincent Hannah who has been chasing him for days. ===''[[Heathers]]'' (1989)=== *'''Corn nuts!''' **Who: Heather Chandler **Note: Said before dying from being served drain cleaner. *'''You've got power, Veronica. Power I didn't think you had. The slate is clean. Pretend I did blow up the school. All the schools. Now that you're dead, what are you gonna do with your life?''' **Who: Jason Dean ([[w:Christian Slater|Christian Slater]]) **Note: To Veronica, just before blowing himself up with dynamite outside their high school. ===The ''Hellboy'' series=== ====''[[Hellboy (film)|Hellboy]]'' (2004)==== *'''I'm ready.''' **Who: Professor Trevor Bruttenholm **Notes: Character says this after he realizes that Rasputin and Kroenen have entered his headquarters and will soon kill him. Kroenen kills him by stabbing him through the neck with one of his blades after he says this. *'''Child, look what you have done. You have killed me, an insignificant man. But in my place, there shall rise...a god...''' **Who: Grigori Rasputin *'''Hell will hold no surprises for us.''' **Who: Ilsa **Notes: Character is killed off-screen by the "god" that Rasputin (to whom she is speaking) had mentioned in his last words. ====''[[Hellboy II: The Golden Army]]'' (2008)==== *'''Nuala...my sister...''' **Who: Prince Nuada **Notes: Said as he is dying, his sister having killed herself to kill him through the link they shared. ===''[[Hellraiser (franchise)|Hellraiser]]'' series=== ====''[[Hellraiser (film) |Hellraiser]]'' (1987)==== *'''Jesus wept.''' **Who: Frank Cotton ====''[[Hellraiser: Bloodline]]'' (1996)==== *'''Amen...''' **Who: Pinhead ===''[[The Hills Have Eyes (2006 film)|The Hills Have Eyes]]'' (2006)=== *'''I did the best I could...I'm sorry!''' **Who: Gas station attendant **Note: Last words before committing suicide by blowing his head apart with a [[w:Shotgun|shotgun]]. *'''No! Please...!''' **Who: [[w:The Carters (The Hills Have Eyes)#Lynne Wood/Lynne Bukowski|Lynne Carter Bukowski]] **Note: The line references to that a mutant, [[w:List of Mutants in the Hills Have Eyes#Lizard|Lizard]], was holding her baby daughter [[w:The Carters (The Hills Have Eyes)#Baby Catherine|Catherine]] at gunpoint. By doing this, he forces her to let him suck her breasts, and when she stabs him in the leg after he killed her mother, Ethel, he blows her brains out with a [[w:Revolver|revolver]]. This actually doesn't kill her rightaway, but she dies later in her husband's arms. *''[Whispering]'' '''You're so s-sweet, Doug...I understand why Lynnie loves you...so much...so much...''' **Who: [[w:The Carters (The Hills Have Eyes)#Ethel Carter|Ethel Carter]] **Note: Character is deliriously talking to her son-in-law, [[w:The Carters (The Hills Have Eyes)#Doug Wood/Doug Bukowski|Doug]], before dying from a [[w:Ballistic trauma|gunshot wound]] to the abdomen. *'''Lizard...kill the baby.''' **Who: [[w:List of Mutants in The Hills Have Eyes|Big Brain]] **Note: Character is killed by [[w:The Carters (The Hills Have Eyes)#Beast|Beast]], the [[w:The Carters (The Hills Have Eyes)|Carter family's]] [[w:German Shepherd Dog|German Shepherd Dog]]. *'''Here...''' **Who: [[w:List of Mutants in The Hills Have Eyes|Ruby]] **Character saves Doug and Baby Catherine by pushing her murderous brother Lizard off a cliff, but she followed him down. She did this because the latter &mdash; whom it had appeared that Doug had killed &mdash; was rising up behind Doug with a shotgun. (She says this line as she hands Catherine over to Doug, and it is also her only line in the entire movie.) *'''Gimme that baby!''' **Who: [[w:List of Mutants in The Hills Have Eyes|Lizard]] **Note: Lizard tries to take Baby Catherine from his younger sister Ruby, but she kicks him him in the face. Then Catherine's father, Doug, brutally smashes him in the face with the butt of a shotgun before shooting him with it three times. Incredibly, this doesn't kill Lizard. However, Ruby pushes him off a cliff, and they both fall to their deaths. ===''[[A History of Violence (film)|A History of Violence]]'' (2005)=== *'''Yeah, Joey, you should have.''' **Who: Carl Fogarty **Note: Said to Joey Cusack/Tom Stall, after he remarks he should have kill Fogarty in Philadelphia. Tom/Joey's son shoots Fogarty in the back with a shotgun after this line is said. *'''Jesus, Joey.''' **Who: Richie Cusack **Note: Said to Joey after he has just killed all of his men. Joey then shoots him in the head. ===''[[The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (film)|Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy]]'' (2005)=== *'''Oh, bollocks!''' **Who: "Franky and Benjy Mouse" **Note: Said just prior to being crushed under a salad bowl by [[w:Arthur Dent|Arthur Dent]]. ===''[[Hocus Pocus (1993 film)|Hocus Pocus (1993 film)]]'' (1993)=== *'''My ungodly book speaks to you. On All Hallows Eve, when the moon is round, a virgin will summon us from under the ground! ''[laughs with a bit of glee]'' We shall be back, and the lives of all the children of Salem will be mine!''' *'''BoooOOOOOOOOOOOOK!!!''' **Who: Winifred Sanderson **Note: The first line is spoken by Winifred in 1693, when she and the other sisters, Sarah and Mary, with nooses around their necks, read their magic book, and she prophesies that a virgin (i.e., Max Denison, a young teenage boy who hasn't had sexual relationships) will light the Black Flame Candle in order to raise them up from the dead; after her prophecy, they are hanged. 300 years later, Max inadvertently resurrects them by lighting the candle, whose powers eventually last until dawn. After Max, his sister Dani, and their friends fend off the sisters until dawn, they eventually end up in a cemetery in Salem, where Max knocks Winnie off onto hallowed ground. Just as she is about to steal his life, she notices that dawn is approaching, then sees that the hallowed ground she is standing on is turning her to stone. She says the second line to call out for her magic book before turning into stone completely, after which the sunlight evaporates her and the other sisters into dust. *'''It's getting kind of stuffy in here.''' *'''Winnie!!!...''' ''[whispers]'' '''Goodbye...''' **Who: Sarah Sanderson **Note: First line is spoken by Sarah, who is then ordered by Winnie to sing along with Mary before giving in and reading the magic book that can prophesy their resurrection, shortly before she is hanged along with the other two. The second line is spoken when she and the other sisters are fended off by Max and his friends successfully, and at the crack of dawn, at her whisper of "Goodbye...", she evaporates into dust along with Mary and Winnie. *[Winnie: Don't get your knickers in a twist! We're just three kindly old spinster ladies.] '''Spending a quiet evening at home.''' [Sarah: Sucking the lives out of little children!] *'''Uh-oh...buh-bye!''' **Who: Mary Sanderson **Note: First line is spoken by Mary when she and the other sisters are discovered by the Salem townsfolk, and they try convincing the townsfolk that they are normal, innocent old ladies before Sarah opens her mouth and inadvertently blows their cover; the next scene, Mary says nothing when she and the other sisters are at the gallows, and after their failed attempt at making the townsfolk dance and reading the magic book's prophecy about their resurrection, they are hanged. The second line is spoken when Mary and the other sisters are fended off by Max and his friends successfully, and at the crack of dawn, Sarah evaporates into dust, followed by her and then Winnie, ending the power of the Black Flame Candle. ===''[[Hollow Man]]'' (2000)=== *'''One last kiss, for old times' sake.''' **Who: Sebastian Caine ([[w:Kevin Bacon|Kevin Bacon]]) **Note: Character is sent falling to his death in a fiery explosion. ===''[[Holes]]'' (2003)=== *'''Start diggin', Trout.''' **Who: Kissin' Kate Barlow **Note: Gets bit by a Yellow Spotted Lizard whose venom is fatal. ===''[[w:Hombre (film)|Hombre]]'' (1967)=== *'''Well now. What do you suppose Hell's gonna look like?''' **Who: Cicero Grimes *'''We all die. It's just a question of when.''' **Who: John Russell **Note: Character responds to his adversary's above quote. Then Russell engages Grimes' troupe in a gun fight at the hideout. Russell kills Grimes but is fatally shot by the Mexican outlaw. *'''I would like at least to know his name..." **Who: Mexican bandit **Note: Said after being mortally wounded by John Russell. Mendez replies "He was called John Russell." then the Mexican joins Russell and Grimes in death. ===[[w:Home Alone (franchise)|''Home Alone'' franchise]]=== ====''[[Home Alone]]''==== *'''All right, Johnny, I'm sorry. I'm goin'.''' **Who: Snakes (Michael Guido) **Note: Last words before getting shot by Johnny in the in-universe gangster movie, ''Angels with Filthy Souls''. ====''[[Home Alone 2: Lost in New York]]''==== *'''If my love was an ocean, Lindy would have to take two airplanes to get across it.''' **Who: Carlotta (Clare Hoak) **Note: Last words before getting shot by Johnny in the in-universe gangster movie, ''Angels with Even Filthier Souls''. ===''[[Hook (film)|Hook]]'' (1991)=== *'''Do you know what I wish?''' [Peter: What is it?] '''I wish I had a dad...like you.''' **Who: Rufio ([[w:Dante Basco|Dante Basco]]) **Note: Rufio's last words to [[Robin Williams|Peter Pan]], after being stabbed by [[Dustin Hoffman|Captain Hook]]. *'''I want my mommy!''' **Who: Captain Hook ([[Dustin Hoffman]]) **Note: Last words before getting swallowed by a large, [[w: taxidermy|taxidermic]] crocodile. ===''[[Hot Fuzz]]'' (2007)=== *'''Who is it?''' **Who: Martin Blower **Note: Martin is with Eve Draper backstage when they hear a knock on the door. Upon answering it they discover it's a hooded killer who hacks off their heads with an axe. *'''Hi-hi.''' **Who: Tim Messenger **Note: He was going to tell Nicholas Angel about the price of Leslie Tiller's land, if she were to sell it off, but the killer drops a part of the church roof onto Tim, crushing his head to bits. *'''Well, it turns out that Martin Blower, God rest him, knew where the new bypass road was going because he was knocking off Eve Draper from the council, God rest her. And then that reporter, God rest him, finds out about the route and tells me this land is very valuable, ten times what George Merchant and Martin Blower, God rest them, offered me. So with them up and passed on, I decided to sell it on myself to some folks from the city that Martin, George and Eve, God rest the lot of them, had all been talking to. Apparently they want to build a big shopping centre or something. Course, cousin Sissy won't be too happy about that but, as far as I'm concerned, cousin Sissy can go and fu-''' [Officer Nicholas Angel: Will you excuse me for just one second?] **Who: Leslie Tiller **Note: Leslie is talking about a big deal that involved many of the previous victims, and when Nicholas Angel goes to get a pen and paper and write it down, she is stabbed by a hooded killer in the neck with her own gardening shears. *'''Oh, God, no.''' **Who: Tom Weaver **Note: After stumbling back onto an active sea mine, he only has time to mutter this line before it explodes, killing him. ===''[[Howard the Duck (film)|Howard the Duck]]'' (1986)=== *'''Eat claw, duck.''' ''([[Howard the Duck (film)#Howard T. Duck|Howard T. Duck]] begins driving toward the Dark Overlord)'' '''Puny, little duck!''' **Who:&nbsp; [[Howard the Duck (film)#One of the Dark Overlords of the Universe|one of the Dark Overlords of the Universe]] (voiced by [[Brian Steele]]) **Note:&nbsp; Throughout most of the Dark Overlord's time on [[Earth]], he was possessing the body of Dr. Walter Jenning ([[Jeffrey Jones]]), but at this point in the film, he is released from his vessel and appears as a giant [[monster]]. ===''[[The Howling (film)|The Howling]]'' (1981)=== *'''Call it a gift. Come on. Come on, bright boy. Don't you know anything?''' **Who: Eddie Quist **Note: Taunts this to Chris before beginning to transform into his werewolf form. But Chris fires his silver bullet rifle at Eddie killing him. *'''That gun won't do you any good, mister.''' **Who: T.C. Quist **Note: Taunts this to Chris as he attempts to converge on him from the barn. But Chris kills him with a silver bullet. *'''Silver bullets, my ass! Get up, T.C.!''' **Who: Jerry Warren **Note: Says this to dismiss the silver bullets never realizing T.C. is dead. Chris then fatally blasts him with a silver bullet too. *'''Oh, thank god...!''' **Who: Dr. George Waggner **Note: Says this after being shot by Chris' silver bullet rifle. *'''Good evening. From the day we're born, there is a battle we must fight; A struggle between what is kind and peaceful in our natures, and what is cruel and violent. That choice is our birthright as human beings in the real gift that differentiates us from the animals. It is as natural to us as the air we breathe, all of us take it for granted. But now for some us, that choice has been taken away. A secret societ exists, and is living among all of us; They're neither people nor animals but something in between. Monstrous mutations whose violent natures must be satisfied. I know what you've been thinking, because I've been where you are, and it's possibly frantic... But I have proof and... Tonight I'm... going to show you something... to make you believe...!''' **Who: Karen White **Note: Gives this speech at her television station having been turned into a lycanthrope by her husband-turned-werewolf's bite. She transforms into a werewolf and Chris mercy kills her with a silver bullet. Only a couple of persons watching the broadcast believe while some want to dismiss it as special effects. ===''[[Hudson Hawk]]'' (1991)=== *'''Maybe it was a dud...''' **Who: Snickers **Note: After being tripped by Hawk and dropping the remote suction bomb launcher it misfires and attaches itself to his head, while he struggles to remove it, the counter goes down to zero, then pauses for a moment prompting him to say this line, then it detonates. *'''This is what I get for darting a nun?''' **Who: Almond Joy **Note: While Snickers struggles to remove a bomb from his head, Almond Joy moves in to shoot Hawk and Tommy with more paralytic darts. However they pull her in close and blow through the opposite end of the blow-gun sending the darts into the back of her throat. She lays paralyzed and mumbles this line while watching Snickers struggle to remove the bomb from his head, which fails to do. *'''I always liked you.''' **Who: Kit Kat **Note: The Mayflowers shoot Kit Kat in the stomach with a double cross-bow, he falls to the floor, his speech cards spilling everywhere, with his last bit of strength he hands a card to Anna which has this phrase written on it. He then unties one of her arm binds before sub-coming to his injuries. *'''Hey coach...it looks bad, I think those Mayflowers set us up...''' **Who: Butterfingers **Note: After being shoot in the chest with the double crossbow, he frowns, exits the room casually, and reports this line to his team leader before falling forward onto his chest sending the arrow heads out his back. *'''MY PENSION!!!!!!!!''' **Who: George Kaplan ([[w: James Coburn|James Coburn]]) **Note: During a fight with Hudson Hawk he accidentally launches himself over a castle parapet onto a falling car that explodes on impact, killing him. *'''EUREKA, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' **Who: Minerva Mayflower **Notes: After da Vinci's gold machine is seemingly successful thanks to Hudson Hawk, Minerva gloats this, but fails to notice Hudson left out a piece, malfunctioning the machine, and encasing Minerva in gold. ==I== ===''[[I Am Legend]]'' (2007)=== *'''Stay until dawn.''' **Who: Robert Neville ([[w: Will Smith|Will Smith]]) **Note: Anna, Ethan, and him are cornered by the "Infected" in his underground lab so he decides to save Anna and Ethan and sacrifice himself. Hiding Anna and Ethan in a coal chute, he blows himself up along with the Infected. ===''[[w:I Remember Mama (film)|I Remember Mama]]'' (1948)=== *'''Skol!''' **Who : Uncle Chris Halverson **Note: Uncle Chris, on his death bed, takes a drink with his niece and wife, giving a traditional Norwegian toast. Shortly after taking the drink, he smiles and peacefully dies. ===''[[I, Robot (film)|I, Robot]]'' (2004)=== *'''You're making a mistake. My logic is undeniable...My logic is undeniable...My logic is undeniiiaaablll-''' **Who: VIKI **Note: Spoken as nanites are destroying its (computer) body. Character had believed that its plan would fulfill the "three laws of robotics", by preventing humans from harming one another. ===''[[In Bruges]]'' (2008)=== *'''I'm going to die now...I think...''' **Who: Ken **Note: Said after warning Ray of Harry's arrival, after leaping from a tower. *'''You have to stick to your principles.''' **Who: Harry **Note: Said before shooting himself in the head, thinking he's killed a child. Was trying to kill Ray for doing the same thing. ===''[[Independence Day (1996 film)|Independence Day]]'' (1996)=== *'''Pull up! Pull up!''' **Who: Unnamed pilot **Note: line said when a plane with a couple people flew into the flames of a spaceship. *'''It looks like there's some kind of activity here. This may be some type of response, Echo One.''' **Who: Welcome Wagon Pilot *'''We see it too, can't identify it.''' **Who: Echo One Pilot *'''It's so pretty...''' **Who: Tiffany **Note: Line is spoken as she witnesses an alien destroyer prepping its laser weapon over Los Angeles' Library Tower. She is killed as the weapon fires, destroying the tower and the city. *'''Oh, crap...''' **Who: Marty Gilbert **Note: Line is spoken as he is attempting to flee New York City as a beam deployed by the aliens causes a firestorm that ravages the city. Caught in traffic, he looks up from his car to see an enormous fireball heading straight for him, and utters the line instead of trying to get out of the car. * [Captain Steven Hiller: Knight Three, pull up!] '''Complete failure in the stators!''' [Captain Steven Hiller: Pull UP!] **Who: Black Knight Three **Note: He says this line after being ordered to pull up his plane during the first aerial battle, but finds himself unable to do so. Despite being ordered a second time, he crashes into the alien ship's force field. *[Captain Steven Hiller: Blow through, blow through.] '''There's too many of them!''' **Who: Black Knight Seven **Note: He says this line after being ordered to shoot at the Attacker ships. He crashes into one of them afterwards. *[Captain Steven Hiller: Put your mask back on! That's an order, Marine!] '''I can't breathe!''' [Captain Steven Hiller: Jimmy? JIMMY! ''[Explosion]'' NOOOOOOOOO!!!!] **Who: Captain Jimmy Wilder **Note: He says this line after taking his mask off and being ordered to put it back on again, while trying to bank and avoid the alien ships. His plane is shot afterwards. *'''Friendly? Sergeant?!''' [Sergeant: I don't think so.] *''[deleted scene]'' '''It's going after the files!! CUT THE HARDLINES!!!''' [Sergeant: I need a key! It's locked!] **Who: Colonel Watson **Note: Colonel Watson reporting incoming fighters. Watson looking the monitors of the friendlies, he questions to sergeant. And Sarge says they not. And Watson looks outside, and sees the alien spaceship attacking El Toro after failed the counter-attack. When the deleted scenes, Watson looking at the computer hacking the screen files. He tells the Sarge to cut the hardlines. The sergeant needs the key because its locked. Watson swings the hardlines. Watson kills off-screen. *'''Release....me!''' [Major Mitchell: Open the door! Get him out of there!] [General Grey: No, wait!] '''Release me. Now! NOOOOW!!!''' [President: I know there is much we can learn from each other, if we can negotiate a truce. We can find a way to coexist. Can there be a peace between us?] '''Peace? No peace...''' [President: What is it you want us to do?] Die....die! **Who: Alien/Doctor **Note: Shortly after saying this line, alien is shot by the President's men. *'''Liar.''' **Who: First Lady Marilyn Whitmore **Note: She says this to her husband several times throughout the film. As she dies, having been severely injured for about 24 hours, it's in response to "The doctors think that you're going to be just fine." *[President: Bandits on our tail. They're locked on.] '''I see them, I see them.''' **Who: Unknown Pilot **Note: He says this line after being told that some of the Attackers are on the tails of his planes during the final battle. However, his plane explodes before he can do anything about it. *[President: That is a negative impact. That is an NI, Negative Impact. I'm out of missiles. Eagle Two?] '''I'm on it!''' **Who: Eagle Two **Note: He says this line after being requested to fire a missile at the Destroyer's weapon. However, his plane explodes before he can take aim. *'''HELLO, BOYS! I'M BAAAAACCCCK!!!''' **Who: Russell Casse **Note: Line is spoken as the character flies his fighter plane into the core of an alien ship as it is about to fire its main weapon, sacrificing himself and destroying the alien ship. He claimed on several occasions that he had been abducted by aliens. ===''[[Independence Day: Resurgence]]'' (2016)=== *'''Evacuate!''' *Who: Jiang Lao **Note: Character told the staff to evacuate before the alien ship fires on the moon base, killing him and several others in the process. *'''Lets go!''' *Who: Jasmine Dubrow-Hiller **Note: This was the last thing she said before the hospital building collapsed underneath her, as a result of the shockwave by the mothership landing, sending her falling to her death while trying to save a mother and her child, despite Dylan's efforts to save them. *'''There will be no peace.''' *Who: Elizabeth Lanford **Note: Said after the aliens arrive in the bunker she is being held in, and her aides start shooting at them afterwards with pistols. They are very likely killed afterwards, and General Joshua Adams becomes the new President. *'''On behalf the people of Earth, happy Fourth of July.''' *Who: Thomas J. Whitmore **Note: After infiltrating the Alien Queen's personal ship in a space tug, he says this line to the Alien Queen right before detonating the bomb placed on the space tug, sacrificing himself and destroying the ship. *'''I've got something I gotta tell you. This!''' ''[points Okun's clothing]'' '''That was supposed to be a sweater.''' *Who: Dr. Isaacs **Note: Last words said by Isaacs due to the alien shot him. ===''[[Indiana Jones]]'' series=== {{main|Last words in Indiana Jones media}} ===''[[Inglourious Basterds|Inglourious Basterds]]'' (2009)=== *'''Bravery.''' **Who: Sgt. Werner Rachtman **Note: Responding to the Bear Jew's question "You get that for killin' Jews?", referring to the medals on his jacket. The Bear Jew then beats him to death with his baseball bat because he refuses to give the Basterds information. *'''Now, about this pickle we find ourselves in...it would appear there's only one thing left for you to do.''' *'''And what would that be?''' *'''Stiglitz?''' *'''Say 'auf wiedersehen' to your Nazi balls.''' **Who: Lt. Archie Hicox, Major Hellstrom, and Pvt. Hugo Stiglitz. **Note: Hicox and Stiglitz have guns on Hellstrom, who in turn has a gun on Hicox. Hicox's imperfect German accent as well as his non-German hand gesture have led Hellstrom to realize that he is not a Nazi, but in fact an English member of the resistance, and they are all killed in the ensuing shoot-out. *'''Just get that fuckin' traitor and get her out of my sight.''' **Who: Cpl. Wilhelm Wicki **Note: Wicki has made a deal with Aldo Raine not to kill one another, but he is then shot by Bridget von Hammersmark, who is working for the resistance. *'''What now, Colonel?''' **Who: Bridget von Hammersmark **Note: Colonel Hans Landa has just proved that she is working for the resistance by producing a shoe of hers that she left behind at the scene of the shoot-out. He then proceeds to strangle her. *[Frederick Zoller: You want me to...lock the door?] '''For the fifty-seventh time, yes.''' **Who: Shoshanna Dreyfus **Note: Zoller is pestering Shoshanna in the projection booth at the screening of his film, and gets angry when she rebuffs him. She tells him to shut the door, implying that she is interested in an encounter with him, but when he turns around, she shoots him in the back. Seeming to regret her actions, she leans over him, and he shoots her. (Her last lines in her film, played after her death, are "My name is Shoshanna Dreyfus, and this is the face of Jewish vengeance."). *[Sgt. Donny Donowitz: When I kill that guy, you got thirty feet to get to that guard. Can you do it?] '''I have to.''' **Who: PFC. Omar Ulmer **Note: The two of them are preparing to kill the men stationed outside Hitler and Goebbels' box in order to get into it to kill them. Posing as waiters, they kill the guards, kick in the door as the theatre catches fire, shoot Goebbels, Hitler and Francesca Mondino to death, and then die in the fiery explosion. *'''Champagne?''' **Who: Sgt. Donny Donowitz, aka The Bear Jew **Note: Posing as a waiter, he offers a drink to the guards outside Hitler's door (in a French accent), then proceeds to kill them with Ulmer's help, and then the two burst into the box and kill Hitler, Goebbels and Francesca Mondino, and then die in the explosion. *'''Enough! Stop it!''' **Who: Adolf Hitler **Note: Shoshanna's message has just interrupted the film, ''Nation's Pride'', and she informs that she, a Jew, is going to kill them all. The theatre catches fire, and Donny and Omar burst in and shoot him to death. *'''I don't know what's going on. That does not belong in my movie!''' **Joseph Goebbels **Note: His film, ''Nation's Pride'', is interrupted by Shoshanna stating that everyone in the theatre is going to die. He is then shot to death by Donny and Omar. *'''Oui, Shoshanna.''' **Who: Marcel **Note: Responding to the film of Shoshanna saying "Marcel, burn it down." He flicks a lit cigarette into a huge mound of film behind the screen, and the theatre catches on fire, killing everyone inside. *'''These are the American lines, Colonel sir.''' **Who: Herrman, Landa's radio operator **Note: By the terms of Landa's deal, he and Herrman will surrender to Lt. Raine and Pvt. Utivich, with the understanding that Landa's assistance in ending the war will grant him a full pardon and honors. Raine casually shoots Herrman, and when Landa protests, Raine says that the deal was only for Landa, and he'll only be "chewed out" for his actions. ===''[[Insomnia (2002 film)|Insomnia]]'' (2002)=== *'''You forgot the wild card, Will.''' **Who: Walter Finch *'''Just let me sleep.''' **Who: Will Dormer ===''[[Into the Woods]]'' (2014)=== *'''The better to hear you with, my dear.''' **Who: The Wolf **Note: Said before he is stabbed by the Baker with a knife, howling in pain. *'''Aren't you going to help us skin that beast?''' [Baker: No thanks.] '''What kind of hunter are you?''' **Who: Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother **Note: Said after the Baker saved her and her granddaughter from the Wolf. She says no more lines after this and is later murdered by the Giant's Wife's rampage along with Red Riding Hood's mother. *'''Bring back my harp! I'll grind your bones!''' **Who: The Giant **Note: Said before Jack kills him by cutting down the beanstalk. *'''You promise?''' **Who: Jack's Mother **Note: Said after the Steward shoves her to the ground and hits her head on a log. *'''Which way was it? 172, 173, 174, 175. 172, 173, 174...''' **Who: The Baker's Wife **Note: Said before she accidentally falls off a cliff while fleeing from the Giant's Wife. *'''All right, mother, when? Lost the beans again. Punish me the way you did then. Give me claws and a hunch. Just away from this bunch and the gloom, and the doom, and the boom. Cruuunch!''' **Who: The Witch **Note: Said before she is pulled down into a tar pit after she threw away her remaining magic beans, hoping to reenact her mother's curse of ugliness. *'''Be better than me, son. Do better.''' **Who: The Baker's Father **Note: Said before his spirit vanishes. '''*Where is the boy?''' [Cinderella: We have him!] '''Where?''' **Who: The Giant's Wife **Note: Said before she trips and falls to her death. ===''[[Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978 film)|Invasion of the Body Snatchers]]'' (1978)=== ===''Iron Eagle'' (1986)=== *'''Time to die, Iron Eagle.''' **Who: Col. Akir Nakesh **Note: Says this during his dogfight with Doug Masters. After an intense battle, Doug bids "So long, asshole." as he fires a well timed rocket to destroy Nakesh's fighter plane and blow him to smithereens. ===''[[The Iron Giant]]'' (1999)=== * ''[alarmed]'' '''Screw our country, I WANNA LIVE!''' ''[shoves a soldier out of a jeep and starts to drive away, but the Giant blocks the jeep with his hand, preventing him from escaping]'' [General Rogard: Hold him, men. ''[soldiers aim their rifles at Kent]'' Make sure he stays here, like a good soldier.] **Who: Kent Mansley **Note: General Rogard and his soldiers aim their rifles at Kent. *[Hogarth Hughes: ''[in thought]'' You are who you choose to be.] '''Superman.''' **Who: The Iron Giant (voiced by [[w:Vin Diesel|Vin Diesel]]) **Note: Recalling what Hogarth Hughes told him, the Iron Giant freely chooses to sacrifice itself destroying a submarine-launched nuclear missile, saving hundreds if not thousands of lives near the end of the film. ===The ''Iron Man'' franchise=== :See [[Last words in Marvel Cinematic Universe media]] ===''[[The Island (2005 film)|The Island]]'' (2005)=== *'''Oh...shit!''' **Who: Tom Lincoln **Notes: Character, who is attempting to have his clone captured so that his liver can be donated to him, realizes that his clone has put his ID bracelet around his wrist. The mercenaries shoot him dead. *'''I brought you into this world...and I can take you out!''' **Who: Doctor Merrick **Notes: Character says this to Lincoln, one of his clones who has infiltrated the facility. He fights with Lincoln, but is killed. ===''[[The Italian Job (2003 film)|The Italian Job]]'' (2003)=== *'''There's nowhere you can go where we won't find you, Steve. You know that.''' **Who: John Bridger **Notes: Says this to Steve as He, Charlie, and the rest of the gang are betrayed by him with another crew taking the gold as Steve keeps it for himself then he says “I think that’s probably right John.” Then Steve shoots and kills John then leaves Charlie and his gang for dead. *'''You crazy? I swear to God, I didn’t!''' **Who: Yevhen **Notes: After Steve hears that Yehven knows about the heist in Venice, Steve angrily demands to know what Yehven knows about the gold which he replies that he heard about it in Venice. Steve then angrily asks who he told to which Yevhen replies “No one, I swear to God!” and then Steve angrily throws him onto a desk and after hearing that Yevhen told no one, Steve then shoots and kills him then takes all the money and leaves just as his cousin Mashkov arrives outside his shop. ==J== ===''[[w:Jack Frost (1998 film)|Jack Frost]]'' (1998)=== *'''Where did he say that spot was? There it is. Come on, Mac.''' **Who: Jack Frost **Notes: After realizing his mistake on his way to a gig, Jack borrows his best friend Mac's car and decides to go home to spend time with his family, but a severe snowstorm begins to block his vision, causing him to lose control and crash the car, killing himself instantly. He is revived as a snowman a year later, via his son Charlie's magic harmonica. ===''[[Jaws (film)|Jaws]]'' (1975)=== *'''It hurts! It hurts! Oh my God! God, help me! GOD, PLEASE, HELP!''' **Who: Chrissie Watkins **Note: Character is dragged down and devoured by a great white shark while swimming. *'''Mom, can I get my raft and go back out in the water?''' [Mrs. Kintner: Lemme see your fingers. Alex Kintner, they are beginning to prune.] '''Just lemme go out a little longer?''' [Just ten more minutes] '''Thanks.''' **Who: Alex Kintner **Note: Character is killed by the shark while out on an inflatable raft. *'''Guys? You guys okay over there?''' **Who: Boy Scout leader ("Estuary victim") **Note: Character speaks to Michael Brody and his friends in an estuary, just before being killed and eaten by the shark. *'''It's giving way!''' **Who: Bartholomew Marion Quint **Note: Character is devoured by the shark while trying to help kill it. ===''[[The Jazz Singer]]'' (1927)=== *'''Mama, we have our son again.''' **Who: Cantor Rabinowitz **Notes: Character hears his son Jack (Jakie) sing the Kol Nidre so beautifully in his father's place at his deathbed in the nearby ceremony, and he feels so proud after all these years of division against his son as he says these words to Jack's mother Sara before breathing his last; his ghost is then shown at his side in the synagogue, and Jack's girlfriend Mary Dale sees how Jack has reconciled the division in his soul as "a jazz singer — singing to his God." ===''[[w:John Carter (film)|John Carter]]'' (2012)=== *'''You have no right to challenge! You are not Thark!''' **Who: Tal Hajus **Note: After John Carter killed two white apes in a gladiator arena, Tal Hajus, the new Jeddak of the Tharks, angrily says this line, refusing Carter's order to challenge him because he is a human. The other Tharks start chanting for Carter to be the new Jeddak, and Tal Hajus angrily jumps out of his throne to attack Carter, but Carter jumps up to him and decapitates Tal Hajus in mid-air with his sword. *'''If you spare me, I'll tell you.''' **Who: Sab Than **Note: John Carter has just defeated Sab Than in a duel and is demanding him to tell him about the Therns. However, as soon as Sab Than says this line, Matai Shang, the leader of the Therns, suddenly kills Sab Than by sending in a large, blue, webbed material to cover Sab Than's head, suffocating him to death. ===''[[w:Johnny Mnemonic (film)|Johnny Mnemonic]]'' (1995)=== *'''Shinji...''' **Who: Takahashi **Note: Said after Shinji, one of his henchmen, shoots him in the back. *'''Raise your chin. Let's make this clean.''' **Who: Shinji **Note: Last words said, he tries to cut Johnny's head off with his laser wire but is interrupted. Later on, Shinji gets his head sliced off by his own wire. *'''What spawn of Satan-''' **Who: Street Preacher **Note: Last words before getting killed by Jones' sonar power. *[''Street Preacher: Who is Jones?''] '''He's that guy who fucks your mother!''' **Who: Spider **Note: Said after resisting to give Street Preacher any info. Preacher kills him. *'''Yo. Yo, J-Bone-''' **Who: Lotek Kid **Note: Character and J-Bone are spectating Johnny and one of Shinji's henchman in a junkyard from a near building. After saying these words too loud, the henchman fires at the building and the kid gets shot in the head. *'''Hold it right there.''' **Who: Cowboy henchman **Note: Before character he can shoot J-Bone or Johnny, J-Bone quickly throws a knife at his neck. ===''[[Joker (2019 film)|Joker]]'' (2019)=== *'''Happy...''' **Who: Penny Fleck **Note: Penny, bedridden after a stroke, calls out to her adopted son, Arthur, with her nickname for him. Arthur responds by smothering her with her pillow. *'''I just wanna...''' **Who: Randall **Note: Randall is asking Arthur whether he spoke to the police about the murders of the Wall Street Three. Arthur, having not forgiven Randall for his earlier betrayal, stabs him with a pair of scissors and bashes his head against a wall *'''Call the police, Gene. Call the police.''' **Who: Murray Franklin **Note: Ordering his show's producer Gene Ufland to call the police right before Arthur Fleck pulls out his gun and shoots him in the head at point-blank range. *'''No, pal!''' **Who: Thomas Wayne **Note: Right before being shot by a mugger, after the latter tells him "You get what you fucking deserve.", in reference to Arthur's murder of Murray. ===''[[Judge Dredd (film)|Judge Dredd]]'' (1995)=== *'''Let me guess: Life.''' **Who: Block Warlord **Notes: While facing arrest for his involvement in the Block War, the Block Warlord questions the punishment for Code 3613: first-degree killing a Street Judge. He then tries to kill Judge Dredd, but is shot dead. Dredd then reminds the dead warlord it's capital punishment. *'''We've both been deceived, Joseph. I'm so sorry. Rico's killed me and destroyed you. Fi...Find him, Joseph.''' **Who: Chief Justice Fargo **Notes: Having been wounded by Mean Machine Angel whilst trying to save his biological son, Judge Joseph Dredd, Fargo implores him to take down his brother, Rico before dying of his wounds. *'''Now I judge you, Joseph Dredd. To the charge of betraying your own flesh: Guilty. To the charge of being human, WHEN WE COULD HAVE BEEN GODS: Guilty! The sentence is death.''' **Who: Rico Dredd **Notes: During his final fight with his brother, Judge Joseph Dredd, Rico condemns his brother to die for betraying him. But, the Lawgiver's lethal rounds exhaust, then regaining the upper hand, Joseph announces "Courts adjourned." then throws his brother to his death. ===''[[The Jungle Book (2016 film)|The Jungle Book (2016 film)]]'' (2016)=== *'''That's right. You and I no longer have quarrel, and most importantly we have peace.''' **Who: Akela **Note: Killed by Shere Khan. *'''Listen to reason! Gotcha!''' **Who: King Louie **Note: Crushed by his falling temple. (Though during the end credits, he reemerges from the rubble alive and well and performs "I Wanna Be Like You") *'''Did you think I would let you grow old? Either I'll devour you, or the Red Flower will. It's just a matter of time. How long did you really think you'd survive against me? Longer than your father did? Longer than...Akela?''' **Who: Shere Khan **Note: After chasing Mowgli through the jungle burning with fire, he is led by Mowgli into a trap. After Shere Khan says these words, Mowgli claims he's not afraid of him and is done running from him, causing Shere Khan to once more attempt to kill him. But Mowgli jumps out of the way and into a safe spot, causing Shere Khan to bump into a broken tree branch and fall to his death into the burning fire below. ===''Jurassic Park and World'' series=== ====''[[Jurassic Park (film)|Jurassic Park]]'' (1993)==== *'''Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord be...''' **Who: Donald Gennaro **Note: Said to himself while hiding from a ''T. rex'' in a toilet stand. The ''T. rex'' smashes it apart, finding and devouring him. *'''No wonder you're extinct! I'm gonna run you over when I come back down.''' **Who: Dennis Nedry **Note: Said when encountering a ''Dilphosaurus'' and failing to distract it by throwing a stick. The dinosaur attacks him with its poisonous spit, then kills him in his jeep. *'''Maintenance shed, the other end of the compound. Three minutes, I can have power back on in the entire park.''' **Who: John Arnold **Note: Said when heading out to reactivate the circuit breakers in the maintenance shed. Sadly, he does not make it back as he is eaten by the ''[[W:Velociraptor|Velociraptors]]''. *'''Clever girl...''' **Who: Robert Muldoon **Note: Said when hunting down one ''Velociraptor'' and discovering that another raptor is hunting him. The second raptor kills him. ====''[[The Lost World: Jurassic Park]]'' (1997)==== *'''Don't go into the long grass!''' **Who: Ajay Sidhu **Note: Warns this to his fellow hunters while attempting to outrun the tyrannosaurus rex Buck and Doe. Going into the long grass ends up being a mistake as a pack of velociraptors easily track their party through it and kill all who wandered through including Ajay. ====''[[Jurassic Park III]]'' (2001)==== *'''You okay, buddy? Okay, I'm gonna drop myself down now.''' **Who: Ben Hildebrand **Note: Said on a video tape when he and Eric Kirby are paragliding. Unfortunately, he did not escape the tree in time and was killed off-screen possibly by dinosaurs. His skeleton is discovered by a freaking out Amanda whom he was dating. ====''[[Jurassic World]]''==== *'''Yeah, what's the problem?''' **Who: Nick **Note: Said before the ''Indominus rex'' escapes and devours him. *'''IT CAN CAMOUFLAGE!''' **Who: Katashi Hamada **Note: Said as he attempts to run away from the ''Indominus rex'', only to be trampled to death by her. *'''Look alive, boys. Look alive!''' **Who: Simon Masrani **Note: Said as he is leading a select team of ACU agents via helicopter to hunt down the ''Indominus rex'', before it breaks into an aviary housing countless pterosaurs, setting them loose. The pterosaurs attack the helicopter, sending the craft crashing down through the glass roof, with Masrani dying in the explosion from the crash landing. *'''Don't just stand there!''' **Who: Zara Young **Note: Said before being carried away by an oncoming ''Pteranodon'' and devoured by the ''Mosasaurus''. *'''Get outta here! Go! They're coming!''' **Who: InGen Soldier **Note: Said before he is killed by Delta, one of Owen Grady's ''Velociraptors''. *'''Easy. Easy, boy. Easy. Hey, hey. We're on the same side, right? Right? Easy. I'm on your side.''' **Who: Vic Hoskins **Note: Said before Delta, one of Owen's raptors, bites his arm and mauls him to death. ====''[[Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom]]''==== *'''Did you really think you could get away with it? In my own house.''' ''[Eli Mills: You entrusted me. To guide your fortune into the future. I have done that.]'' '''''Damn you!'' Pick up that phone. I want you to call the police. It'll be easier if the story comes from you.''' **Who: Benjamin Lockwood **Note: Said as he confronts his aide Eli Mills about his plan to auction off the captured dinosaurs. Ordered to call the police, Mills instead murders Lockwood by smothering him with a pillow to keep him quiet. *'''Mills! Mills, where are you? I want my bonus. Holy cow. What are you? I didn't see you on the island. You are a tough guy. Look at that beauty. You're some kind of hot-rod. With pretty teeth. This will make a perfect centrepiece for my necklace. Open up...''' **Who: Ken Wheatley **Note: Said while looking for Mills, demanding that he give him the promised money to pay him until he spots the caged ''Indoraptor'', tranquilizes it and vainly tries to extract one of its teeth. However, the ''Indoraptor'' feigns sedation, bites Wheatley's right arm and mauls him to death. *'''Move! Move!''' **Who: Gunnar Eversol **Note: Said while trying to escape in an elevator with three auctioneers and close the doors with a passcode, only for the ''Indoraptor'' to unknowingly disable its controls. With this, the doors open up and the ''Indoraptor'' kills all of them. *'''So, you're gonna take care of her now? Huh? You have no idea what she is. What do you think drove Hammond and Lockwood apart, huh? Lockwood never had a grandchild. He just wanted his daughter back. And he had the technology. He created another. He made her again.''' **Who: Eli Mills **Note: Said while confronting Owen, Claire and Maisie revealing the truth that she was cloned from Benjamin Lockwood's long dead daughter. Later, Mills almost escapes with the ''Indominus rex'' sample and narrowly survives the escaping dinosaur stampede, but the female ''Tyrannosaurus rex'' and a ''Carnotaurus'' stay and eat Mills alive. The ''T. rex'' also crushes the ''Indominus'' sample and any plans on making further dinosaur hybrids. ====''[[Jurassic World Dominion]]'' (2022)==== *'''What's your story?''' **Who: Dr. Lewis Dodgson **Note: Said just before being attacked and devoured by three ''Dilophosaurus'', the same dinosaur that killed Dennis Nedry when he tried to steal embryos for Dodgson in the first film. ===''[[Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths]]'' (2010)=== *'''What can I say?''' ''[screams in pain]'' '''Okay! Okay! I'm down to my last joke anyway...but this one'll kill ya!''' **Who: The Jester (Joker's Parallel Version) **Note: After being brutally beaten by J'edd J'arkus (Martian Manhunter's Counterpart) and Angelique (Hawlgirl's Evil Version), he says these first words before Angelique stabs him if her flaming sword, then says his last words before detonating a small bomb, exploding the building's whole floor and killing him along with J'arkus and his henchwoman. *'''It doesn't matter.''' **Who: Owlman **Note: Owlman was defeated in battle by Batman, who then transports him along with the QED with Owlman's Teleportation Device from Earth Prime to a lifeless and unpopulated planet, as the QED reaches it's final countdown, Owlman chooses not to save himself, saying these words before the QED destroys the entire planet and kills him. *'''Did we save the world, then?''' [Batman: We Did] '''And all that rubbish about me being faster than Flash? You knew this was gonna happen.''' ''[briefly pauses and smiles]'' '''Good one, mate.''' **Who: Johnny Quick (The Flash's Parallel Version) **Note: Johnny managed to help Batman to stop Owlman's plan, then, he uses his speedforce to eventually match the temporal vibration and open another portal to Earth Prime, he eventually succeds, however the strain of vibrating ages him to near death, he later says these words to Batman (who anticipated this and prevented the Flash from trying to save him) before dying in the Flash's arms. ===''[[Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox]]'' (2011)=== *'''As long as I can siphon off the Speed Force, you can't escape this timeline. I'm afraid there just isn't enough Speed Force to go around.''' **Who: Professor Zoom **Note: While mocking the Flash, Zoom says these words before Thomas Wayne/Batman kills him by shotting his head, allowing Barry to use Speed Force to travel back in time. Zoom's fate might have been reverted by the creation of the new timeline. ===''[[Justin and the Knights of Valour]]'' (2013)=== *'''You had your chance, but now it's over, boy. Poetic justice. Your father ruined my life, and now I'll ruin his, by killing you. How sweet. You clung to your grandfather's sword until the end. But now it has to return to me. And I will use it to kill your father.''' ''[Justin grabs the sword with his free hand]'' '''What?''' **Who : Heraclio ==K== ===''Khartoum'' (1966)=== *'''Well, Khaleel.''' **Who: General Charles "Chinese" Gordon" **Notes: Said when his final defensive line to his fort is breached by the Mahdist tribesmen. He meets the attackers with his saber but is run through by a thrown spear. His decapitated head is then displayed to the horrified Mahdi. *'''TAKE IT AWAY! Where is Adbullah? I forbade it... I forbade it...!''' **Who: Mahdi Muhammed Ahmed. **Notes: Said when horrified at his tribesmen displaying his friend Gordon's head. These are his last known words as within months of Gordon's death, the Mahdi dies. ===''Kickboxer'' series=== ====''[[w:Kickboxer 2|Kickboxer 2]]'' (1991)==== *'''No fucking way! I don't QUIT!''' **Who: Brian "The Hammer" Wagner **Notes: David Sloane's former student who was supposed to fight "Lightning" Lou Lescano but he was replaced by Tong Po, Kurt Sloane's arch-nemesis. In a brutal kickboxing match, Tong Po's Muay thai skills seems to be far greater that David tries to talk Brian out, but he insists on staying the fight. Despite Sloane's efforts to stop the fight, Tong Po kills Brian with a final fatal knee kick. ===[[Kill Bill|''Kill Bill: Volumes 1'' and ''2'']]=== ====''[[Kill Bill: Volume 1]]'' (2003)==== *'''Very funny, bitch. VERY FUNNY!''' **Who: Vernita Green **Notes: After she, one of the Deadly Viper Assassins, accepts the Bride's request to duel at night with knives, The Bride remarks that Bill said she was one of the best ladies he saw with an edged weapon. As the character says this line, she fires a hidden gun at The Bride, but misses and is killed when The Bride throws a knife into her chest. *''[Translated from Japanese]'' '''You call that giggling?''' ''[giggles; then turned serious]'' '''You'll have to beg much better than that.''' **Who: Gogo Yubari **Notes: The Bride had pleaded with her to run, rather than fight her. After she says this to mock the Bride's attempts, she fights with her, and is killed when The Bride hits her in the head with a chair leg, before driving nails through her skull. *''[Translated from Japanese]'' '''That really was a Hattori Hanzo sword...''' **Who: O-Ren Ishii **Notes: Character had doubted that her enemy and former colleague's sword was actually made by Hattori Hanzo. Just before she says this, she gets "scalped" by the sword. ====''[[Kill Bill: Volume 2]]'' (2004)==== *'''Bill thought she was so damn smart. And I tried to tell him...she was just smart for a blonde. Thanks a bunch.''' **Who: Budd **Notes: Speaking about Beatrix to Elle, Budd opens a suitcase full of money that Elle has brought him. Inside the suitcase as well, however, is a [[w: black mamba|black mamba]], which proceeds to bite and kill him. *'''Elle, you traitorous dog! I give you my word...''' **Who: Pai Mei **Notes: Character is dying after being poisoned by his apprentice, Elle Driver, in revenge for snatching out her eye. She had prompted him to do so by calling him a "miserable old fool," and tells him that "To me, the word of an old fool like you...is worth less than nothing," before pushing him down with her foot. *''[screaming]'' '''FUCKING BITCH!!!''' ''[screaming]'' '''FUCKING BITCH!!!''' ''[screaming]'' '''I'LL KILL YOU!!! YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD!!!''' ''[screaming]'' '''YOU BITCH!!! YOU BITCH!!!''' ''[moaning and screaming]'' '''I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU BITCH!!!''' ''[hissing and screaming]'' '''OH, I'LL GET YOU!!! I'M GONNA...''' ''[screaming]'' '''WHERE ARE YOU?!?! LEMME FUCKING KILLL YOU!!!''' ''[continues screaming]'' '''WHERE ARE YOU?!?! I'M COMING, YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!''' ''[screaming]'' '''YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD!!! YOU'RE DEAD!!!''' ''[continues screaming and crying]'' '''OH...SHIT!!!!!!''' ''[screaming]'' **Who: Elle Driver **Her left eye got pulled by Beatrix Kiddo, who squished it with her foot a few seconds later. Then she left Elle to die in Budd's trailer, probably bitten to death by the black mamba snake. *'''How do I look?''' [Beatrix: ''[tenderly smiles]'' You look ready.] **Who: Bill **Notes: Beatrix "The Bride" Kiddo, his former lover and assassin, has used a technique on him that will kill him after he takes five steps. She replies that he looks ready, and he gets up, takes five steps, and dies. ===''[[King Arthur (film)|King Arthur]]'' (2004)=== *'''Arthur...''' **Who: Cerdic **Note: Said after he has been defeated by Arthur, who then impales him through the chest. ===''[[King Kong (1976 film)|King Kong]]'' (1976)=== *'''Ladies and gentlemen, there is nothing for anyone to fear! That is an escape proof cage certified by the New York City-''' ''[Kong loosens his crown and wrecks his cage]'' '''Come on down! Easy. His feet are still chained. It's all right. Come on.''' **Who: Fred Wilson **Note: Said while trying to assure Kong's cage is escape-proof and assure no harm will come to Dwan. When Kong finally breaks loose, Fred Wilson's boss warns him the disasters will result in a lawsuit. King Kong then crushes the corrupt oil businessman under his giant foot. ===''[[King Kong Lives]]'' (1986)=== ===''[[Kingsman: The Secret Service]]''=== *'''Grenade! Sir, get back!''' **Who: Lee Unwin **Notes: At the beginning of the film in 1997, Lee Unwin who was on a mission with Harry Hart, spotted their target, Falcon had a grenade in his mouth. Lee dives onto the terrorist and dies in the blast. *'''1962 Dalmore. It'd be a sin to spill any. Don't you think?''' **Who: Lancelot **Notes: A Kingsman agent who tries to rescue Professor James Arnold, he seems to succeed and has a drink of 1962 Dalmore. As he hears a knock at the door, Lancelot is cut in two by Gazelle. *'''I'm not supposed to say it, but it was-!''' **Who: Professor James Arnold **Notes: A climate change professor, he is confronted in his classroom by Harry Hart interrogating him. Before he can give the name of who kidnapped and let him go, Arnold's head is blown apart by an security implant implanted by Valentine. *'''Just leave this church! You just leave this church like the infidel you are! Satan cannot save you now! You will eat your babies. You will drown in the blood of the Lord! He will not save you!''' **Who: Church Blonde Woman **Notes: This woman is an attendee of the hate group, the South Glade Mission Church. When Harry Hart tries to leave, Valentine activates the SIM cards to drive the people into a violent rampage. This woman scolds Harry Hart before he shoots her in the head. *'''Sounds good to me.''' **Who: Harry Hart **Notes: After surviving Valentine's SIM card bloodbath test, Harry Hart hears about Valentine's true goals. After telling the agent his convoluted plan, Harry replies this, and is told "This ain't that kind of movie." then Valentine executes him. *'''You dirty little fucking prick...''' **Who: Arthur/Chester King **Notes: Having been enticed by Valentine's offer to help save the Earth, Eggsy refuses Arthur's offer to join in Valentine's plan. He fails to notice Eggsy switched the poison cup. As he dies, Arthur curses Eggsy with this. *'''Perfect.''' **Who: Richmond Valentine **Notes: After Eggsy pierces him with one of Gazelle's leg swords, Valentine first thinks he'll say a bad pun to him, but is told "This ain't that kind of movie, bruv." Valentine then compliments this and dies. *'''Gazelle...!''' **Who: Richmond Valentine **Notes: As Eggsy pierces him with one of Gazelle's prosthetics, he shouts it, then he vomits and then he falls down. === ''[[Kingsman: The Golden Circle]]'' === *'''Take me home, country roads.''' * Who: Merlin * Notes: After Eggsy steps on a landmine, Merlin pushes him off and takes the blast himself to distract the guards. As they come closer, he sings this song and steps off the podium, causing it to blow up killing himself and the guards. *'''Viva Las Vegan''' * Who: Poppy Adams * Notes: After Eggsy injects her with her own serum, she reveals the password and succumbs to her wounds. *'''Do you wanna know who was innocent? My high school sweetheart. Love of my life. Pregnant with my little boy. He's be about your age now if his mama hadn't got caught in the crossfire when two meth head freaks decided to rob a fucking convenience store. A world without those people in it...sure smells like peace to me. You break the law, you pay the price. Good riddance to all of them. That's why I got to destroy that case. Now slide it over, Agent Galahad.''' ''[Harry Hart/Galahad slides the case to him]'' '''Thank you.''' * Who: Whiskey/Jack Daniels * Notes: A Statesman agent with a tragic past over the death of his wife. Whiskey wanted to avenge his wife by letting the drug addicts die from Poppy's poisoned drugs, so he can make a lot of money. Harry Hart seems to surrender the case, then he and Eggsy engage Whiskey in an intense 2-on-1 fight in the cafe. The two Kingsman agents then drop Whiskey into the meat grinder, with Eggsy gloating "Put alpha gel on that, dickhead." ===''[[Knowing (film)]]'' (2009)=== *[This isn't the end.] '''I know.''' **Who: John Koestler ([[w:Nicholas Cage|Nicholas Cage]]) **Notes: Character has been following a series of notations within a message on a scripture his son received at a time capsule unearthing. These numbers described every major disaster in world history, with the final set describing a a massive solar flare that engulfs Earth. He is killed in said solar flare, after making this exchange with his father. His son Caleb had escaped from the chaos with a close friend Abby, and a group of angels, and had landed on a new Earth to "start over". ===''[[Knives Out]]'' (2019)=== *'''You do as I say, and everything will be just fine. I promise.''' **Who: Harlan Thromby **Note: Said to Marta Cabera, his nurse, after she realizes she mixed up his medication, apparently giving him an overdose of morphine. Instead of calling for an ambulance, Harlan gives her instructions to create a false alibi, and after he says this line, he commits suicide by slitting his own throat. This is revealed in a flashback. *'''Copy...stashed. You did this...won't get away with this.''' *'''Hugh did this.''' **Who: Fran **Note: Said to Marta as she attempts to perform CPR to save her, after she is overdosed with morphine. The first line is what she is initially believed to have said; the second line is what she actually said, as revealed in a flashback, which also reveals that Ransom poisoned her; she is the only member of the Thromby family and house staff who calls Ransom by his first name, Hugh. The "copy" she refers to is a copy of Harlan's toxicology report. She is later revealed to have died of the overdose despite Marta's efforts to save her, although Marta initially states that Fran survived to trick Ransom into confessing to both Fran's murder and his attempts to frame Marta for Harlan ''and'' Fran's deaths. ===''[[Kong: Skull Island]]''=== *'''Die, you motherfu-''' **Who: Preston Packard ([[w:Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson]]) **Note: Said by the character who gets killed by Kong by being crushed by his fist, before he can finish his cursing and detonate the explosives. ===''[[Kung Fu Panda]]'' films=== ====''[[Kung Fu Panda]]'' (2008)==== *'''Good. My time has come. You must continue your journey without me.''' [Shifu: What-What-What-What are you-? What-? Master! You can't leave me!] '''You must believe.''' [Shifu: Master!] **Who: Oogway **Note: Said, as he disappears, to Shifu, who questioned his choosing of Po as the Dragon Warrior. *'''You...''can't'' defeat me. You-You're just a big...fat...panda!''' [Po: ''[holds Tai Lung's finger]'' I'm not a big fat panda. I'm ''the'' big fat panda. ''[raises his pinky finger]''] ''[shocked gasp]'' '''The Wuxi Finger Hold?!''' [Po: Oh, you ''know'' this hold?] '''You're bluffing. ''You're bluffing!'' Shifu didn't teach you that.''' [Po: Nope. ''[Tai Lung weakly smiles]'' I figured it out. ''[Tai Lung's eyes widen in an "Uh-oh!" stare]'' Ska-doosh!] **Who: Tai Lung **Note: Said as Po prepares to use the "Wuxi Finger Hold" on him, which he doubted he was taught. Po tells him that he figured it out himself, and then vanquishes him to the Spirit World in a large explosion. ====''[[Kung Fu Panda 2]]'' (2011)==== *'''That is a warning. You are no match for our kung fu.''' [Shen: I agree. But ''this'' is.] **Who: Master Thundering Rhino **Note: Said before he is blasted by Lord Shen's cannon, killing him instantly. *''[Po: You should, Shen. You gotta let go of the stuff from past, because it just doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what you choose to be ''now''.]'' '''You're right. Then I choose ''this''!''' **Note: Said before he viciously attacks Po in a final attempt to kill him. In the process, he severs the ropes holding up his huge cannon, which promptly collapses and crushes him. ====''[[Kung Fu Panda 3]]'' (2016)==== *'''Yes! The power is mine!...Wait...No! It's too much! It's too much! NO!...''NOOOOO!!!''''' **Who: Kai **Note: Po channels all his chi into Kai, the power of which he wanted, but Po's chi is so strong that it overwhelms Kai and obliterates him. ====''[[Kung Fu Panda 4]]'' (2024)==== ==L== ===''[[The Ladykillers]]'' (1955)=== *'''Where's your sense of humor, One Round?!''' **Who: Harry Robinson (Peter Sellers) **Notes: Trying to clam down One Round (Danny Green) before he is beaten to death with a long board. ===''[[The Langoliers (miniseries)|The Langoliers]]'' (1995)=== *'''Later, Dinah''' **Who: Aunt Vicki **Notes: Craig Toomey walks by Dinah and Vicki. Dinah remarks to her aunt, "There's something strange inside that man's head" to which Vicki responds with this line. Later, while on the plane, Dinah wakes up to find her aunt has disappeared, due to being awake when they flew through the time rip. *'''Hey. Get out. Look, a stretcher''' **Who: Don Gaffney **Notes: Character, along with Albert, was sent to look for a stretcher to hold the stabbed Dinah Bellman. Don opens the door of a room and sees one. He says this line to Albert. Upon entering the room, however, Don is stabbed in the neck by Craig Toomey, who was hiding behind the door holding up a knife. Don dies instantly. *'''No, no, Daddy, no! Make them go away! Please, make them go away! I'll be good! I'll be good! I'll be good boy! Please, I promise I'll be good if you just make them go awaaaaaay!''' **Who: Craig Toomey **Notes: The langoliers finally reach the group. Toomey, horrified, tries to run. The Langoliers give chase, as the reason they came was apparently partially to get Craig. Craig trips and falls, allowing the Langoliers to catch up to him. As he lies on the ground in fear, he says this line, referring to his father who told him about the creatures. He is then, offscreen, eaten alive by them. *'''I saw...I saw through Mr. Toomey's eyes. At the start, everything looked weird and nasty, but it was better at the end.''' [Laurel: Please, Dinah, try not to talk anymore, okay?] '''I saw you, Laurel. You're beautiful. Especially your eyes. Everything was beautiful, even the things that were dead. It was so wonderful, just to...you know...see.''' **Who: Dinah Bellman **Notes: Character is dying from being stabbed by Craig Toomey. She speaks to Laurel Stevenson. After realizing Dinah is dead, Laurel thinks of what Dinah said, rewording it as "I saw through Mr. Toomey's eyes. Everything was beautiful, even the things that were dead. It was so wonderful just to see," and saying to herself, "I can live with ''that''." *'''Oh, my God! So beautiful!''' **Who: Nick Hopwell **Notes: Nick has decided to sacrifice himself so he can turn the air pressure back up before the plane flies through the time rip. As he will be awake when they go through, he will die. Just after he turns up the pressure again, he looks at the colorful time rip and says this line. When they go through, he disappears into thin air, leaving his watch behind. **Notes: His last words are quite similar to the supposed last words of Thomas Edison, who said, "It is very beautiful over there" several days before he died, in that he may not have been referring to the time rip, but Heaven. Edison had been looking upwards, but may have either been referring to the view from the window or Heaven. ===''[[Lara Croft: Tomb Raider]]'' (2001)=== *'''Not quite what you hoped for, Mr. Powell?''' [Manfred Powell: Oh, Lara. ''[pulls out switchblade]'' I have a gut instinct about this. After all, you ''are'' the daughter of a genius. Let me test my theory.] **Who: Alex West **Note: After Powell couldn't get the Triangle of Light to work, West says this line. In response, Powell replies "Oh, Lara. I have a gut instinct about this." pulls out a switchblade, and says "After all, you ''are'' the daughter of a genius. Let me test my theory.", and throws the switchblade into Alex West's heart, killing him. But after Lara Croft activates the Triangle of Light, his death is reversed. *[Manfred Powell: ''[holding gun to Richard Croft's head]'' Surrender.] '''Never.''' **Who Lord Richard Croft **Note: Told, in flashback, to surrender. He refuses, and gets shot through the head, and dies instantly. *'''Lara! Wait! You father begged for his life when we caught him betraying us. He pleaded like a baby.''' ''[holding gun to Richard Croft's head in flashback]'' '''Surrender.''' [Lord Richard Croft: ''[his last word]'' Never.] ''[shoots Lord Richard Croft dead.]'' '''He seemed particularly concerned that I shouldn't...take this.''' ''[Lara starts to walk toward Powell]'' [Alex West: ''[concerned]'' Lara, no! The place is coming down! This is ''insane!''] [Lara Croft: Get them out of here.] [Alex West: ''[reluctantly]'' You just hurry.] ''[Lara walks toward him.]'' ''[chuckles]'' '''There you go. Safe and sound.''' ''[he pulls out his gun, and Lara pulls out her dual pistols.]'' '''No guns.''' **Who: Manfred Powell **Note: After Powell pulls out the switchblade, he reveals that he killed Richard Croft, and took Lara's locket, containing a photo of Lara's mother, and goads Lara into a fight. Last line is said while he and Lara Croft have guns trained on each other. They drop their weapons and a fight ensues, ending with Lara karate-chopping Powell in the throat, killing him. ===''[[The Last Boy Scout]]'' (1991)=== *'''You fucking asshole!''' **Who: Milo **Note: Said having failed to assassinate Senator Baynard. During the fight at the stadium, Joe Hallenbeck warned him that if he touched him again that he would kill him. The police do the honors and riddle Milo with bullets, sending him falling backwards into the helicopter blades and shredding him to bloodied pieces while Joe dances a jig to calm the tensions. ===''[[The Last Man on Earth (1964 film)|The Last Man on Earth]]'' (1964)=== *'''They were afraid...they were afraid of me...''' **Who: Robert Morgan ([[w:Vincent Price|Vincent Price]]) **Note: He was slaying humans who he thought were infected from a worldwide plague, and is hunted down and killed by a group of survivors. ===''[[The Last Samurai]]'' (2003)=== *'''Father, let me stay. It is my time.''' **Who: Nobutada **Note: Said after being wounded while helping his father, Katsumoto, escape. He then charges their pursuers and is shot to death. *'''Algren-san!''' **Who: Silent Samurai/"Bob" **Note: Said as he sees a soldier prepare to shoot Nathan Algren. He then runs in the way and is shot and killed. *'''Fire at will!''' **Who: Colonel Bagley **Note: Said as Algren and the Samurai charge his position. Algren then hurls his sword at Bagley, impaling him through the chest. *'''Perfect. They are all...perfect.''' **Who: Katsumoto **Note: Character has committed seppuku with Nathaniel Algren's help after being mortally wounded in battle. He is referring to his lifelong search for a perfect cherry blossom. ===''[[The Last Temptation of Christ (film)|The Last Temptation of Christ]]'' (1988)=== *'''It is...''accomplished''!''' ** Who: [[Jesus Christ|Jesus]] ** Note: The quote ends the film, as Jesus, who had been shown stepping down from the cross during the Crucifixion after an angel (later revealed to be the Devil in disguise) told him it was only a test and he could live out a normal life and raise a family with Mary Magdalene, only to find out years later that by doing so he had betrayed humanity, is returned to the cross after praying to be allowed to do so. ===''[[Layer Cake]]'' (2004)=== *'''If you knew that, you'd be as clever as me.''' ** Who: 'XXXX' - Otherwise unnamed character ** Notes: The quote occurs moments before the character is shot. ===''[[Lazer Team]]''=== *'''I think I just did.''' ** Who: Adam ** Notes: Deliberately angering the Worg during their fight, Adam is obliterated by the Dark Matter Ray. His last line is in response to Hagan languishing that it was Adam who was supposed to save Earth. ===''[[The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (film)|The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen]]'' (2003)=== *'''May this new century be yours, boy...as the old one was mine.''' **Who: Allan Quartermain **Note: Said to Tom Sawyer after being stabbed in the back by Moriarty. After his funeral a witch doctor commences a ritual to possibly bring him back to life. ===''[[Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III]]'' (1990)=== *'''What are the chances a brainless bitch like you knows how to use that thing?''' ** Who: Alfredo Sawyer ** Notes: After attacking Michelle with a sledge hammer after she has escaped his family, Alfredo begins to mock her when she grabs hold of the shot gun in his truck, believing a "yuppie" like her doesn't know how to use it; Michelle promptly proves him wrong, blasting him in the face. *'''Son of a bitch.''' ** Who: Mama Sawyer ** Notes: Left bleeding profusely after being shot several times with an automatic rifle, Mama's last words are a barely audible whisper. *'''Get the meat...we'll have her for breakfast.''' ** Who: Tinker Sawyer ** Notes: Having been shot several times by Benny, losing an ear and two fingers, Tinker is left lying on the ground; he is telling his brother Tex to find, capture and murder the escaped heroine Michelle, Tex asks if they can eat her for breakfast and after answering Tinker dies of his injuries. *'''Ah, Shit!''' ** who: Edward "Tex" Sawyer ** Notes: Said while fighting Benny with an axe, Benny than dousces him in gassoline and says "toast you fuck", he than lights him on fire and he burns to death. ===''[[Leaving Las Vegas]]'' (1995)=== *'''Do not come back here. I'll not see you again.''' **Who: Yuri Betso **Note: Character ends his relationship with Sera because the gangsters are coming to kill him. *'''You know you love me.''' **Who: Ben Sanderson **Notes: Character commits suicide by drinking himself to death throughout the movie. He dies from alcohol poisoning in the next morning. ===''Legend of Drunken Master'' (1994)=== :''See ''[[#Drunken Master II|Drunken Master II]]'' above.'' ===''[[Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole]]'' (2010)=== *'''Go tell the Guardians.''' **Who: Grimble **Note: Killed by Nyra. *'''No, no, no, you promised me! YOU PROMISED ME I WOULD BE KING OF THE TREE!!!''' **Who: Allomere **Note: Bats drag him into a cave to be killed. *'''Soren! My wing's broken! Help me up! Soren, I'm your brother.''' **Who: Kludd **Note: Kludd tries to throw him into the fire, but the branch he is holding onto snaps, causing Kludd to fall into the flames. Believing his brother to be dead, an angered Soren, picks up a burning branch to go after Metal Beak to stop him destroying another owl's life, like he did to Kludd. *[Soren: He's my teacher. My hero.] '''Well, your hero can teach you one last lesson about Pure Ones' strength...''' [Nyra: Don't move.] '''...by letting you watch him die.''' **Who: Metal Beak/Surtr **Note: Before he and Nyra could kill Ezylryb, Soren arrives with a flaming branch to defeat Metal Beak to stop him destroying another owl's soul, after battling Kludd. The two owls battled, but Metal Beak was able to overpower the younger owl and leaped at Soren with talons out to kill him. Luckily, Soren was able to grab the branch and stabs Metal Beak through the heart, killing him. Outraged at her husband's death, Nyra gives Soren a angry glar before retreating with the remaining Pure Ones. ===''[[Léon: The Professional]]'' (1994)=== *'''This is...from...Mathilda...''' **Who: Leon **Notes: Says as he gives a grenade pin to his murderer, Norman Stansfield. *'''Shit.''' **Who: Norman Stansfield **Notes: Said after opening Leon's vest and seeing grenades - one of them unlocked. He and Leon are killed in the blast. ===''Lethal Weapon'' series=== ====''[[Lethal Weapon 2]]''==== *[Roger Murtaugh: ''[shouting]'' '''''DROP IT, ASSHOLE!'''''] [Martin Riggs: ''[weakly]'' Rog.] '''Diplomatic immunity!''' [Roger Murtaugh: ''[slowly rolls his head on his neck, takes aim, and fires, and his bullet goes through Arjen Rudd's wallet, and then his head]'' It's just been revoked.] **Who: Arjen Rudd **Notes: The corrupt Minister of Foreign Affairs at the South African consulate in Los Angeles dealing drugs, at the final battle on his Alba Varden ship, shooting Martin Riggs, Roger yells, '''''"DROP IT, ASSHOLE!"''''' Riggs weakly says "Rog." Arjen boasts his diplomatic immunity to Roger Murtaugh. Murtaugh doesn't buy it and shoots Arjen in the head and gloats "It's just been revoked." ===''[[Letters from Iwo Jima]]'' (2006)=== *'''See you on the other side. If not in this life, then in the next world.''' **Who: Lieutenant Oiso *'''After this is over, you can come visit me.''' **Who: Japanese POW **Notes: is executed by one of his captors moments later. ===''[[The Libertine (2004 film)|The Libertine]]'' (2004)=== *'''Speak to me of abduction.''' **Who: John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester **Notes: Spoken to his wife as he lays dying of syphilis; she begins to tell him the story of their runaway marriage, but he dies before she finishes. ===''[[w:The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean|The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean]]'' (1972)=== *'''It was wrong to do this to me for the crimes mentioned, but, well, I'd also killed white men and stole their horses. So I figured that that-that's what I was being hung for. My only concern was that that rope be tied properly and the whole thing done right. It was. **Who: Sam Dodd **Note: His last thoughts as he is hung for his crimes of murder and horse theft. He is among the first villains laid to rest in Roy Bean's town. *'''I can whip a full-grown longhorn cow with my hands tied; Make violent love to mountain lions. My trigger fingers are itchy. I'm set to go red hot.''' **Who: Snake River Rufus Krile **Note: Said while visiting Bean's saloon in a drunken stupor. He shoots Bean's portrait of Lillie Langtry and as punishment is shot down by the marshals. *'''Come and get it! I'm ready for you, Beano!''' **Who: Bad Bob **Note: Said as the albino outlaw is daring Bean to come out of his saloon for a duel. He fails to notice Bean hiding in the nearby livery who snipes him from behind piercing through the abdomen. *'''How did she look?''' [Roy Bea: Who?] '''Miss Lillie.''' **Who: Maria Elena **Note: Said after giving birth to the child who Roy Bean names Rose. Sadly, Roy only had time to present her a music box playing "Yello Rose of Texas". Maria dies from the exhausted strength from her childbirth. *'''Tector Crites, Rose Bean; Come out, or we'll burn you out!''' **Who: Frank Gass **Note: Said threatening to evict Rose Bean and Tector Crites from the saloon where Roy and his friends are having one final card game together. Chaos ensues when Roy throws a torch at the mob. Gass flees as his deputies kill Bean's comrades. Desperate to escape, Gass tries to take cover in the burning hotel while Roy follows after on his horseback. Eventually the structure collapses from the fire and both Gass and Roy lose their lives. *'''For Texas and Miss Lillie!''' **Who: Judge Roy Bean **Note: Said as he chases the mayor Frank Gass through the burning hotel in the final shootout. He rides back in to chase down Gass and it is likely that they both die in the flames. He leaves a note for Lillie Langtry in the event of his death while his surviving daughter marries an aviator who is partaking in World War I. ===''[[w:Lifeforce (film)|Lifeforce]]'' (1985)=== *'''CAAAAIIIINE!''' **Who: Col. Tom Carlsen **Note: Last words before stabbing himself and the female vampire with an iron sword. He was calling to the detective, Colin Caine, to throw the sword to him. *'''Be with me.''' **Who: Space Girl/female vampire **Note: Last words while making love to Carlsen. She wanted to take him back with her into space. ===''[[Little Caesar (film)|Little Caesar]]'' (1931)=== *'''Mother of Mercy! Is this the end of Rico?''' **Who: Caesar Enrico Bandello ===''[[Little Shop of Horrors (film)|Little Shop of Horrors]]'' (1986)=== *''[stops laughing]'' '''What did I ever do to you?''' [Seymour: ''[lowering his gun]'' Nothing. It's what you did to her.] '''Her who?''' ''[finally getting it]'' '''Oh, ''her''.''' **Who: Orin **Notes: While inhaling laughing gas, the sadistic dentist's gas-mask gets stuck, and Seymour (the protagonist), who originally had intentions to shoot the dentist, allows him to die of laughing. Just as he is running out of breath, the dentist asks what he ever did to Seymour, to which Seymour replies, "It's not what you did to me, it what you did to her." At first, Orin is confused as to who Seymour means, but delivers his final words just as he realizes that he is talking about Seymour's secret love and his girlfriend Audrey. He dies after giving these lines. *'''What the hell...?''' **Who: Mr. Mushnik **Note: The character is threatening Seymour after finding out that he was responsible for the death of Orin. He tells Seymour he would like to keep Audrey II, however does not know that the plant eats people. He turns around to see Audrey II's mouth open, and delivers the lines above, before being eaten by the plant. *'''Oh, shit!''' **Who: Audrey II **Note: The character has just been electrocuted while in a battle with Seymour. He delivers the lines above before blowing up. *'''You'll wash my tender leaves, You'll smell my sweet perfume, You'll water me and care for me, You'll see me bud and bloom. I'm feeling strangely happy now, Contended and serene. Oh, don't you see? Finally I'll be Somewhere that's green.''' **Who: Audrey *'''Every household in America! That's what you had planned all along, isn't it?! ''[Audrey II: ''[smugly]'' Noooooooooo shit, Sherlock!]'' We're not talking about one hungry plant here; we're talking about world conquest! ''[Audrey II: And I wanna thank you!]'' You ate the only thing I ever loved! ''[Audrey II laughs at him]'' You're a monster, and so am I! It's gotta end! It's gotta stop right here!''' **Who: Seymour Krelborn ===''[[w:Little Women (disambiguation)|Little Women]]'' (which year?)=== *'''All my life, I've lived for loving you. Let me go now.''' **Who: Beth March **Note: Says it to her sister Jo, whom she is the closest to. The line before states "I'm not afraid to die, Jo. The hardest part is leaving you." ===''The Living Dead'' series=== :''See ''[[last words in the Living Dead films|''last words in the ''Living Dead'' films'']]''.'' ===''[[Logan's Run (film)|Logan's Run]]'' (1976)=== *'''Logan! You Renewed!''' **Who: Frances 7 **Note: Spoken after being beaten with a flagpole. As he is cradled by Logan, he notices logan's Lifeclock is clear. He utters this line and dies. ===''London Has Fallen'' (2016)=== *'''Important matters of state?''' **Who: Mrs Bowman *'''That was daughter number two. She didn't pass her driving test. Guess whose fault it is?''' **Who: Robert Bowman (Canadian Prime Minister) **Note: Characters were in their state car as it was being driven through London. In their next scene, a bomb is placed under it by a terrorist, which detonates as they pass through Trafalgar Square, decimating the car. *'''Thank you.''' **Who: Agnes Bruckner (German Chancellor) **Note: While watching the Queen's Guardsmen marching outside Buckingham Palace, she is given a white rose by a young girl, and says this line to her. In her next scene, two of the Guardsmen turn out to be terrorists and open fire on the crowds. Bruckner is among the people killed. *'''How much longer?''' **Who: Tsutomu Nakushima (Japanese Prime Minister) *'''We are almost there, sir. I'm sorry but as expected, there are heavy security measures.''' **Who: Nakushima's aide **Note: Characters were in their state car, stuck in a traffic jam on Chelsea Bridge, and say their lines in Japanese with English subtitles. In their next scene, suicide bombers cause the bridge to collapse, with the car among many cars that fall into the Thames. *'''I can't believe we're doing this, a private tour of Westminster Abbey, just for you.''' **Who: Antonio Gusto (Italian Prime Minister) *'''I only turn 30 once.''' **Who: Mrs. Gusto **Note: Characters were sharing a romantic moment on one of Westminster Abbey's bell towers, saying their lines in Italian with English subtitles. In their next scene, the same bell tower is destroyed in a bombing, killing them. *'''Wait 10 minutes?''' **Who: Mainard's aide *'''At least.''' **Who: Jacques Mainard (French President) **Note: Characters were on a yacht in the River Thames, and say their lines in French with English subtitles. In their next scene, a cargo boat detonates right next to the yacht, causing a massive bomb blast that destroys the yacht, kills the head of state and his aides, as well as heavily damaging Big Ben and the Palace of Westminster. *'''Fuck! They're not real cops!''' **Who: Agent Bronson **Note: Character says this line while he, Agent Banning, Jacobs and President Asher come under fire from terrorists disguised as police outside St Paul's Cathedral. In the next scene, fellow agent Voight arrives in a car. The agents manage to get Asher inside the car, but Bronson is shot from behind. *'''COME ON!!!''' **Who: Agent Voight **Note: While driving Asher, Banning and Jacobs back to Somerset House, the car comes under heavy attack, and Voight is fatally shot, forcing Banning to take over. *'''Fuck you!''' **Who: Motorcycle terrorist **Note: Character says this line while fighting Banning and Jacobs through the window of their car. Banning responds by killing him by ramming him against a bridge pillar. *'''Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!''' **Who: Marine One escort pilot #1 **Note: Marine One takes off with two escorts but, in a surprise missile attack, one of the escorts is hit and goes down. *'''Copy.''' **Who: Marine One escort pilot #2 **Note: As the missile attack continues, Marine One and its remaining escort runs out of countermeasures, forcing the escort to take the missile to protect Marine One, consequently going down. *'''Do me a favor...Stay alive...You gotta see your kid...Make those fuckers pay.''' **Who: Secret Service Director Lynne Jacobs **Note: After Marine One is hit by another missile, it crash-lands in Hyde Park. Banning and Asher survive, but Jacobs is fatally wounded. She says this line to Banning, to which he agrees, before dying. *'''We're live now.''' **Who: Sultan Mansoor *'''Any last words, Mr. President?''' **Who: Kamran Barkawi **Note: Sultan announces that they are now being broadcast to the entire world, and Kamran severely attacks the President. He asks him if he has any last words, to which he begins reciting the Presidential Oath of Office. Kamran is ready to decapitate Asher with a machete, but Banning arrives, incapacitates Sultan and pummels Kamran. Sultan drops a live grenade, but Banning manages to protect Asher, at the expense of allowing Kamran to escape; Sultan is killed in the explosion. In the resulting final battle, Banning and Asher escape while ordering an SAS squad to blow up the building; the blast kills Kamran and the remaining terrorists and decimates the building. *'''That and 20 million euros. Come with me, Jax.''' **Who: MI5 Counter-Intelligence Chief John Lancaster **Notes: Having been found out that he had been aiding Barkawi, Lancaster attempts to bribe Jax, but is shot dead. *'''You think this war, this war that you started, you think it's over? I'll dedicate my life to your death. This war will not end.''' **Who: Aamir Barkawi **Note: Character says this line while on the phone to Vice President Allan Trumbull, who responds by telling him "Maybe you should look out your window." Within moments, the terrorist leader is killed in a drone strike. ===''[[w:Lone Wolf McQuade|Lone Wolf McQuade]]'' (1983)=== *You know I don't need to. Not with a patsy like you. 'Cause you learn when you place this game that you really place people not; You don't play cards, you play people. Loose lips sink ships. You understand? ''[Snow nods nervously]'' I thought you would, yeah. Uh, so, I just play the cards uh, good and tight. **Who: Dakota **Note: One of McQuade's allies in the case against Wilkes. While speechifying about his game of cards as he guards Snow, he is caught by surprise by Wilkes' gang. Wilkes then steps on and snaps his neck. *DON'T KILL ME, MAN, goddamn it! **Who: Snow **Note: One of Wilkes' henchmen. While being guarded by Dakota and Kayo, Dakota is killed then Snow pleads this through his gagged mouth. This sadly falls on deaf ears and he is riddled with machine gun fire. *Drop your weapons and raise your hands, or we'll commence firing. **Who: Burnside **Note: An ATF agent seeking to shut down Wilkes' gun smuggling operations. He orders these to WIlkes' henchmen but it is a trap. A gunfight ensues and Burnside is killed along with Nunez. *Remember me, greaser? **Who: Redneck #1 **Note: One of Wilkes' friends. On the final battle in Mexico, he taunts this to Ramos. Ramos responds by shooting him down and replying "Yeah, I never forget an asshole." *McQuade! **Who: Rawley Wilkes **Note: An illicit arms dealer hijacking weapon shipments to sell to terrorists. After losing his hand-to-hand duel with McQuade, he yells this attempting to fire on McQuade in retaliation, but kills Lola Richardson by mistake. He then silently attempts one final machine gun barrage but McQuade throws one last grenade at his hiding place, killing the villain and his last remaining henchman. *Jim... I didn't betray you... Rawley killed my husband; He forced me to be his partner... I had no choice, he would have killed me... I love you... **Who: Lola Richardson **Note: Wilkes' business partner who loves McQuade. After being mortally shot by Wilkes trying to save McQuade, she bids these to the Texas Ranger she ever truly loved before passing away. ===''[[Looney Tunes: Back in Action]]'' (2003)=== *'''Aw, crud!''' **Who: Elmer Fudd **Note: Becomes a pointillism and gets blown by a fan that Bugs is using and start to disperse, until only his shoes are left *'''THEY DON'T PAY ME ENOUGH.''' **Who: Wile E. Coyote **Note: Written on a sign. Wile E. Coyote is driving the ACME Train of Death when he runs into the explosives blocking the tracks. When he sees the explosives stuck on the train's cowcatcher, he holds up a sign saying this and the train is blown up and derailed shortly afterwards. *'''Are you all monkeys yet?''' ''[a laser from Blue Monkey Diamond is headed towards Mr. Chairman]'' '''Uh-oh!''' **Who: ACME Chairman **Note: Spoken before a laser beam hits him and turns him into a monkey, and left him unable to talk. ===''The Lord of the Rings''=== :''See ''[[last words in Lord of the Rings media|''last words in ''Lord of the Rings'' media'']]''.'' ==M== ===''[[MacGruber (film)|MacGruber]]'' (2010)=== *'''Fuck the brass! Fuck the brass!''' ''[repeats]'' **Who: MacGruber's original team. **Note: As MacGruber's team is getting ready to leave, the commanding officer comes to talk to MacGruber. MacGruber says he has to talk with the brass, and the team begins to chant this. While MacGruber is talking wit the officer, he mentions his trunk to be filled with homemade explosives which he himself made. As he says this, his van explodes, killing his entire team. ===''[[Mad Max]]'' (1979)=== *'''Easy...I know what I'm doing.''' **Who: Bubba Zannetti *'''You're mad, man! You think I look silly, don't you? Hah hah hah! Don't bring this on me, man! Don't do this to me! Please, Sweet Jesus, I was sick! Don't bring this on me, man!''' **Who: Johnny the Boy **Note: Shouted as Max leaves Johnny to die a fiery death, with the option of escape if he saws through his ankle (in revenge for killing Max's loved ones). ===''[[Mad Max: Fury Road]]'' (2015) === *'''WITNESS!!''' **Who: Warboy **Falls to his death while trying to catch Max. *'''What have you done? What have you done?!?!?!''' **Who: The Ace **Got shot by Nux when trying to choke Furiosa. *'''Look Out!''' **Who: The Splendid Angharad **Fell off the War Rig *'''Witness me...''' **Who: Nux **Sacrfices Himself to block the passage with the War Rig ===''[[Madhouse (1974 film)|Madhouse (1974)]]''=== *'''Yes...Yes! And I should have played him! Dr. Death is mine! I created the part for myself but the Studio gave it to YOU! You weren't a better actor; You were nothing until you played Dr. Death! He made you into a star! I killed Ellen hoping to get rid of you, but the Studio still wouldn't listen. They said there was only one Dr. Death: Paul Toombes! It should have been me. ME! Then after all these years, I had a second chance and I used it. Quayle wanted to bring you back, and he needed me. He needed me to persuade you; So I drew up a contract. I never thought it would apply. There is a clause in that says if anything happens to you, I take your place. I play Dr. Death AT LAST! I'm not going to be cheated this time, Paul...! He belongs to me. I AM Dr. Death!''' **Who: Herbert Flay **Notes: Paul Toombes' best friend who helped in creating the Dr. Death character for his horror films. Angry at being denied the part, Herbert explains these confessing to murdering Ellen and the other girls to try and ruin Toombes' life. He even formed a contract that should anything bad happen to Paul Toombes, he would finally be legalized to play Dr. Death by right. After this, he fights his former friend and just when he has Toombes at his mercy, Flay's wife, a horror actress named Faye Carstairs-Flay races behind her murderous husband and stabs him with a knife sending him hurtling into her spider-filled coffin. Within minutes, the spiders eat away at the lifeless Herbert. ===''[[The Magnificent Seven]]''=== *'''You came back...to a place like this. Why? A man like you...why?''' **Who: Calvera **Notes: The notorious leader of a bandit gang terrorizing a local farming village. When Chris comes back for the final battle, he engages Calvera and mortally wounds him. Dying of his injuries, Calvera asks Chris this and dies without an answer. ===''[[Magnolia (film)|Magnolia]]'' (1999)=== *'''I don't know what I've done.''' **Who: Jimmy Gator *'''Phil. Phil, help me. What did I do?''' **Who: Earl Partridge ===''[[The Man Who Would Be King (film)|The Man Who Would Be King]]'' (1975)=== *[Peachy Carnehan: ''[as a mob threatens their lives]'' Billy Fish, mount the mule and ride! There's a chance you'll make it!] '''Gurkha foot soldier, not cavalry.''' ''[salutes Peachy and Danny]'' '''Rifleman Majendra Bahadur Gurung wishing you many good lucks!''' ''[draws his kukri knife and charges into the mob]'' '''Ayo Gorkhali!''' ''[he is killed by the mob almost immediately]'' **Who: Rifleman Majendra Bahadur Gurung a.k.a. Billy Fish **Note: His final statement is the second half of the Gurkha war-cry: "Jaya Mahakali, Ayo Gorkhali!" ("Glory to Great Kali, Gurkhas approach!"). *'''A glorious band, the chosen few / On whom the Spirit came; / Twelve valiant saints, their hope they knew, / And mocked the cross and flame. / They met the tyrant’s brandished steel, / The lion’s gory mane; / They bowed their heads the death to feel...''' **Who: Daniel "Danny" Dravot **Notes: Character and Peachy Carnehan are captured by the angry natives in Kafiristan, and the former is forced to cross the rope bridge over the gorge. As one of the natives cuts one rope, he sings the third verse of "The Son of God Goes Forth to War", and Peachy joins him; but soon the rope is cut completely, causing the bridge to topple over and Danny to fall to his death. Distraught, Peachy finishes the verse for him: "Who follows in their train?" ===''[[The Manchurian Candidate (1962 film)|The Manchurian Candidate]]'' (1962)=== *'''Just take it easy.''' **Who: Eleanor Iselin **Note: Mrs. Iselin is trying to assure her husband, a vice presidential nominee, that her brainwashed son, Raymond Shaw, will assassinate the presidential nominee at a political convention, making her husband the lead nominee by default. Moments later, Shaw, having been freed from his brainwashing, kills both of the Iselins instead. *'''Yes, ma'am.''' **Who: Pvt. Edmund "Ed" Mavole **Note: Says this when a brainwashed Raymond Shaw attempts to strangle him during a demonstration before the Soviet brass. Mavole protests, but the demonstration's host encourages him to cooperate. Mavole, himself brainwashed into believing the host is the speaker at a women's gardening club, complies and is voluntarily strangled to death. *'''You couldn't have stopped them, the Army couldn't have stopped them, so I had to. That's why I didn't call. Oh God, Ben.''' **Who: Raymond Shaw **Note: Shaw has just killed his mother and stepfather, a vice-presidential nominee, at a political convention. They had planned to use a brainwashed Shaw to assassinate the presidential nominee, essentially granting them the presidency by default. Shaw shoots his parents instead, and commits suicide after being confronted by Ben Marco. ===''Marlowe'' (1969)=== *'''Can you remember the alternatives, Mr. Marlowe?''' ''[Marlowe: You're a paper tiger, Winslow; You can't do anything in your boss's restaurant.]'' ''[Winslow makes a threatening move]'' '''Mr. Marlowe, I have my instructions.''' **Who: Winslow Wong **Note: A martial artist enforcer for Steelgrave. He attempts to buy off Marlowe and confronting him outside the boss' restaurant, again says these to try to convince Marlowe to stand down from his investigation. Marlowe stands pat, but Winslow aims a flying kick at the detective. But Marlowe dodges causing Winslow to fall to his death on the pavement. ===''Marvel Cinematic Universe''=== :See [[Last words in Marvel Cinematic Universe media]] ===''[[Mary Poppins (film)|Mary Poppins]]'' (1964)=== *'''A wooden leg named Smith? A wooden leg named Smith? A wooden leg... ''[gets the joke; laughs]'' **Who: Mr. Dawes Sr. **Note: Character is mulling over a joke that George Banks, his now ex-employee, had just told him. Once he gets the joke, he laughs himself to death. ===''The Masque of the Red Death'' (1964)=== *'''Prince, spare me the Red death. I beg you, in the name of friendship. In the name of friendship!''' **Who: Scarlatti **Note: Said when trying to escape infection by the Red Death. Prospoero denies him sanctuary in his castle and says "For you, friend." then fires one of the guards' crossbows into his throat. Prospero then offers his wife a knife to commit suicide to escape the Red Death. *'''I have tasted the beauties of terror.''' **Who: Juliana **Note: Said when speaking to a voice supposed to be Satan. Prospero's voice calls for her to "Listen; The passing of mine, the beating of a heart, the footstep of an assassin. Destiny." Then Prospero's falcon claws Juliana to death in the ballroom. Prospero insists not to mourn her for she has "married" Satan. *'''There is no other God! Satan killed him!''' [Red Death: Each man creates his own God for himself; His own Heaven, his own Hell.] '''Let me see your face!''' ''[unmasks the Red Death seeing a face almost like his own]'' [Red Death: Your Hell, Prince Prospero, and the moment of your death.] '''No...! No...! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!''' **Who: Prince Prospero **Note: Said when he realizes the Red Death is not a servant of Satan, but a personified monster spreading the Red Death. Prospero barely manages to outrun the Red Death infectees of his own party. The Red Death follows him to his hiding spot and questions "Why should you be afraid to die? Your soul has been dead for along time." The personified epidemic then infects Prospero with the Red Death and kills him within seconds. ===''[[Match Point]]'' (2005)=== *'''Didn't you say your name was Harris?''' **Who: Mrs. Eastby **Note: Said to Chris Wilton, who sneaks toward her and then shoots her dead. *'''Okay. Bye.''' **Who: Nola Rice **Note: Said to Ian in her last conversation, shortly before she is shot and killed by Chris. ===[[The Matrix (franchise)|''The Matrix'']] franchise=== :''See ''[[last words in Matrix media|''last words in ''Matrix'' media'']]''.'' ===''[[Max Payne (film)|Max Payne]]'' (2008)=== *It's unbelievable, all that snow, and watch it end up being a beautiful day. You want my confession first? **Who: B.B. **Note: Max, after finding out B.B. is responsible for the death of his wife, chases B.B. to the top of a skyscraper where he confronts him. B.B. says this line and drops his gun. Max then shoots him dead with one bullet. ===''[[w:Maleficent (film)|Maleficent]]'' (2014)=== *'''She is vanquished? You have done well, my son. You have done what others feared to do. You will be rewarded.''' **Who: King Henry **Note: Said before dying from wounds sustained by Maleficent. *'''That's a lovely gift.''' *Who: Queen Leila **Note: Said before she becomes gravely ill and dies as the years go by. *'''Shoot her!''' *Who: King Stefan **Note: Said before he attempts to kill Maleficent, only for the latter to plummet off a tower to his death. ===''[[w:Marked for Death|Marked for Death]]'' (1990)=== *I know you. You love da' killing, but you is an empty shell inside. **Who: Screwface One **Note: One of the Screwface twins running operations in Jamaica and Chicago, Illinois. While attempting to ritually kill his enemy John Hatcher, he taunts this to the cop during their fight. He responds by piercing his penis and decapitating him to deliver a final warning to the posse terrorizing Chicago. *Dead and about to be BURIED! The evil is demolished. **Who: Charles **Note: A Jamaican detective investigating Screwface and his posse. They show Screwface's lifeless head to the posse and Charles declares this in the hopes of scaring the posse off lest they be hunted down and killed. However, Charles fails to notice Screwface is gemini, and his twin sneaks up from behind killing Charles in a single sword thrust as he taunts "Judas...!" *Mamalosa. **Who: Screwface Two **Note: One of the Screwface twins running operations in Jamaica and Chicago, Illinois. During the final battle in Chicago, Screwface says this. After a brutal swordfight in the nightclub, John Hatcher forces the villain's eyes into the back of his head, snaps his spine and sends him falling down the elevator shaft impaling him. Hatcher hopes "I hope they weren't triplets." This leaves the Jamaican Posse to be taken into police custody as the film draws to a close. ===''[[Men in Black]]'' (1997)=== * '''You can have my gun when you take it from my cold dead hands''' [Bug: Your proposal is acceptable.] **Who: Edgar **Note: The bug, upon encountering Edgar, orders him to put down his rifle. Edgar responds with the above line, which the Bug responds by eating him, taking his skin for a disguise. *'''Well, yeah. Don't you want to get rid of em?''' [Edgar: In the worst way.] **Who: Exterminator **Note: He was killed by Edgar when he fires the exterminator's own gas gun out into his mouth. *''[in his alien language]'' '''To the continued reign of the Arquillian Empire.''' **Who: Rosenberg's aide *''[in his alien language]'' '''To the safety of the Galaxy.''' ''[to Edgar the Bug who spreads his bugs on lunch meals, in English]'' '''You can kill us both, but you will not find the Galaxy.''' [Edgar: You're right about one thing.] **Who: Rosenberg. **Note: Rosenberg and his aide propose a toast in Arquillian, and are then confronted by Edgar the Bug. Rosenberg says his second line in English; he and his aide are killed by Edgar. *'''War. The galaxy...is on....Orion's....Be..Be...What is word?''' [Agent J: The Bed? Belt? Orion Belt?] **Who: Gentle Rosenberg **Note: The alien pilot of Rosenberg tries to tell J to secure the galaxy on his cat, Orion's, collar to prevent a coming Galactic war. *'''Okay, fine. I'll put my hands...on...on my head. Like this?''' **Who: Edgar the Bug **Note: Seemingly cornered, Edgar appears to surrender to the MIB custody, but reveals his true gargantuan roach form to try and kill Agents J and K. After a hard fight, he was completely destroyed by Laurel. ===''[[Men in Black 2]]'' (2002)=== ===''[[Men in Black 3]]'' (2012)=== *'''Boris, you promised to take me with you! We had a deal!''' **Who: Obadiah Price **Note: Character says this line during Boris' escape from LunarMax; Boris kills him. *'''You can't win, Boris.''' *'''There's too many of us.''' **Who: LunarMax guards **Note: Character attempts to force Boris to surrender, but he instead shoots a hole in the prison wall, sucking all the guards into space. *'''On behalf of my pathetic self and worthless children, you stay. Allow me most honorable benefit of serving you favourite noodles, K.''' **Who: Wu **Note: Character says this line during a confrontation with K and J over his extraterrestrial food health and safety violations. K later finds him dead with Boris' spikes pinning him to the wall. *'''You are too late. He is going to give the humans the ArcNet.''' **Who: Roman the Fabulist **Note: Character says this line, refusing to tell Boris where Griffin is. He is subsequently killed by Boris. *'''Look out!''' **Who: Colonel James D. Edwards Jr. **Note: Character says this line upon noticing Boris, but is killed almost instantly. Present day Agent J then watches as he realizes the colonel was in fact his long dead father. *'''THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE!!!''' *'''Go ahead. Arrest me.''' **Who: Boris the Animal **Note: The first line is said by his 2012 self as Agent J punches him, sending him falling down the Apollo 11 launch pad; he survives, but is then incinerated by the blast as the rocket launches. The second line is by his 1969 self when he taunts Agent K to arrest him which was the mistake the present day K made. Instead, Past K says "Not this time" and blasts Boris. Thus dooming the Boglodites to extinction and saving the Earth. ===''[[Meet the Feebles]]'' (1989)=== *'''Did I pass the audition, Mr. Bleeee...?''' **Who: Guppy **Note: Earlier on, the guppy auditions to be part of the Feebles, but Bletch was unimpressed with the audition, so he tricks the guppy into getting eaten by him. Later on, while playing golf against Cedric, Bletch vomits up the guppy as a distraction to make sure Cedric loses. The guppy was alive inside Bletch until that point. *'''Call me sir, slut!''' **Who: The Masked Masochist **Note: The Masked Masochist was whipping his co-star, Daisy the Cow, during a filming of one of Trevor's erotic movies. When Robert walks in, he mistakenly believes Daisy was in danger, so he punches the cockroach. Irritated that Robert ruined the filming, Daisy accidentally sits on the wētā, crushing him to death. *'''I can't see, you bastards!''' **Who: Chuck the Frog **Note: During Wynyard's time in Vietnam, he and his fellow soldiers were kidnapped by the Viet Cong and were forced into "re-education", having to read anti-American messages. Chuck had his helmet over his eyes, and couldn't see anything, so he yells at the Cong, resulting in him being taken away to be tortured for two days. When he returned to Wynyard, he had lost his legs. He later died from his injury. *'''Wynyard, Don't leave me, please, dear God, no, AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!''' **Who: Jim the Frog **Note: While escaping from the Viet Cong with Wynyard, Jim falls into a trap set up by the Cong. He asks Wynyard to help him, but Wynyard panics due to the incoming Cong, so he leaves Jim to be killed by them. *'''Don't mind if I do, Mr. Bletch.''' **Who: Dennis the Aardvark **Note: Dennis walks in on the middle of a drug deal between Bletch and Louie. Bletch offers Dennis what seemed to be cocaine, but as soon as Dennis snorts it, it turns out to be borax, which melts his nose, and kills him. *'''No, not that, NO, MR. BLETCH, PLEASE!''' **Who: Louie the Dog **Note: As punishment for passing off borax as cocaine, Bletch has Trevor and Barry force the remaining bag of borax down his mouth, completely melting the dog. *'''Oh, ya bastard! You had me buggered!''' **Who: Cedric the Boar **Note: During the fight at the wharf to steal the shipment of borax from Mr. Big, Barry stabs Cedric in the chest with the knife Trevor used to kill one of the crab henchmen. *'''Help!''' **Who: Barry the Bulldog **Note: Just as Bletch was about to leave with the shipment of borax, Barry gets attacked by a giant spider, which bites his head off. *'''Help me!!''' **Who: F.W. Fly *'''I think you'll find the safety catch is on.''' **Who: Samantha the Cat *'''Wheeere'd it go...? Come oooonnn...!''' **Who: Wynyard the Frog *'''YIPPEE! Yippee! I'm in the clear, everybody! I haven't got it! I haven't got myxomatosis! I haven't got myxoma--''' **Who: Harry the Hare *'''Now, put that gun down, Heidi! You're not solving anything by massacring people.''' **Who: Dorothy the Sheep *'''Bastard!''' **Who: Sandy the Chicken *'''It'll be a pleasure, boss.''' **Who: Trevor the Rat *'''Oh, shit...''' **Who: Bletch the Walrus ===''[[Menace II Society]]'' (1993)=== *'''I said I'll suck your dick, man. Come on now.''' **Who: Basehead **Note: Said to O Dog out of desperation for money after trying to sell "cheeseburgers" to him. Offended by the above comment, O Dog then kills him by shooting him. ===''[[w:Meteor (1979 film)|Meteor]]'' (1979)=== *'''It's coming apart in a million pieces!''' **Who: Astronaut Tom Easton **Note: An astronaut for NASa studying the Orpheus asteroid. One friday prior to the story, he spots a comet crashing into the asteroid. He says this in astonishment just as a fraction of Orpheus crashes into his space station killing him and his crew. *'''Can you hear it?!''' ''[Paul Bradley: Yes, we can hear it, get outta there!]'' '''No use! Get the big one, Paul... Get it!''' **Who: Yamashiro **Note: A scientist monitoring the Orpheus asteroid from Hong Kong, he warns that a portion of the astroid caused a hundred feet high tsunami which will devastate Hong Kong. Seeing no possible escape route, Yamashiro implores this to his colleague in the hopes of preventing further catastrophe. Then, Yamashiro and everyone in his station drown when the tsunami hits. *'''My apologies, Bradley. I was very wrong. If there's anything I can do to help, I-''' ''[Dr. Bradley: Thank you.]'' '''I'll be in my office if you need me.''' **Who: General Adlon **Note: The general in charge of the underground control center for firing the missiles to try and deflect or blast Orpheus with the Hercules and Peter the great defense platforms. He says these apologetically over his smarmy behaviour earlier. After Hercules' missiles launch to follow Peter the Great's missiles, the last known chunk of Orpheus crashes into New York CIty devastating the city, wrecking the underground center and it also kills the general. ===''[[w:Metropolis (2001 film)|Metropolis]]'' (2001)=== *'''Kenichi...Who am I-I...''' **Who: Tima **Note: Tima, a robot, is referring to an earlier scene where the young protagonist, Kenichi, was teaching her to speak. Tima falls from the exploding Ziggurat after saying this line. *'''Why must humans always resort to violence as a means of settling their differences?''' **Who: "Pero" **Note: "Pero", a robot detective, asks this question to the leader of a human rebellion against Metropolis' wealthy elite. After the leader tries to answer the question, he shoots and destroys Pero. *'''I won't let pieces of junk-like all of you-take the life of my father.''' **Who: Rock **Note: Says this while confronting a mob of revolting robots who are attacking his father, Duke Red. Rock then sets off the Ziggurat's self-destruct mechanism, killing them all. ===''Midnight Sun'' (2018)=== *'''I've waited my whole life to feel this.''' **Who: Katie Price **Note: After minimal exposure to the sun causes her to expect death to occur any day due to her Xeroderma Pigmentosum, Katie decides to use her final moments to ride on Charlie's sailboat with him in the sunlight. ===''[[Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie]]'' (1995)=== *'''Can we take another whack at it?''' [Ivan: How about we take another ''quack'' at it?!] **Who: Tengu Tribesman **Note: After failing to follow Ivan Ooze's orders to stop the depowered Power Rangers from getting their new powers, the Tengu Tribe return to tell him about this, and he responds by zapping them to oblivion. *'''Alpha...Keep trying...''' **Who: Zordon of Eltar **Note: Zordon had been rendered powerless along with the Power Rangers and is aging rapidly thanks to the destructive actions of Ivan Ooze. As they regain their powers and return to save Earth from Ivan's grasp, Zordon loses his will to live and says these words to Alpha-5 before breathing his last. When the Power Rangers return to the damaged Command Center, they find that Zordon had died of old age, but thankfully, they use their combined powers and restore the Command Center, culminating in Zordon's resurrection. *'''Huh? Oh, no.''' **Who: Ivan Ooze ===''[[Minority Report (film)|Minority Report]]'' (2002)=== *'''Anderton, wait a sec-!''' **Who: Leo Crow **Note: Said to John Anderton as he goes to leave instead of killing him. He grabs Anderton by the arm and tries to spin him around, inadvertently causing Anderton to fire his gun and knock Crow out of a window. *'''Yes. I have a choice. And I've made it. Forgive me John...forgive me...forgive me, my boy...''' **Who: Lamarr Burgess **Note: Character corners John on a balcony after it is revealed that he had killed Ann Lively, and John gives him the choice of killing him and going to prison, or sparing him and eliminating PreCrime's credibility. Despite the fact that the Precogs had predicted that he would kill John (and he says the line they had predicted he would say), John points out the flaws of the system - that now that Burgess is aware of his future, he can change it - whereupon Burgess shoots himself instead and commits suicide. ===''[[Misery (film)]]'' (1990)=== *'''I'm going to kill you, you lying cocksucker!''' ** Who: Annie Wilkes. **Note: Character is an obsessed fan of the ''Misery'' novel series and held the author, Paul Sheldon, hostage, demanding he write a new novel to undo the heroine's death at the end of the last one. Upon completing the manuscript, Sheldon burns it in front of her, and they get into a violent struggle (during which, she says the above line) resulting in her death. ===''Missing'' (2023)=== *'''See? It's ok. You're just making this harder.''' **Who: James Walker. **Note: Character is the father of main character June. Initially believed to be the loving father of June who died of a brain tumor in 2008, but turns out to be a drug-addicted abuser who endangered June and her mother Grace (formerly Sarah) and was arrested and sentenced to prison for 12 years. Grace had lied about James' brain tumor to protect her daughter June and they relocated from Texas to California and changed their identities to prevent James from finding them. But James was released and vowed revenge on Grace--first by having his cellmate Kevin pose as a boyfriend for Grace as part of James' plot to kidnap Grace and manipulate June into thinking she abandoned June. But when things unraveled, James kidnapped June and took her to the former vacation home of the family where he attempts to kill the hostage Grace, but she breaks free and reunites with June. After they are locked in from outside by James, June tries to get help from her ally in Colombia, Javi, to contact the authorities, but James, due to the security system he had set up, cuts the call short and shoots Grace and pins down June, prompting the aforementioned last words. Then, a wounded Grace stabs James in the neck with a glass mirror shard. James manages to escapee the room and lock them in again. He tries to look up a nearby hospital to treat his wound, but he succumbs to it, ending his reign of terror. June is eventually able to call 911 and Grace survives the ordeal. ===''Mission: Impossible'' series=== ====''[[Mission: Impossible (film)|Mission: Impossible]]'' (1996)==== *'''Uh, then I've got a problem.''' **Who: Jack Harmon **Note: Character says this line as an elevator starts going up quickly, without stopping, after fellow team member Jim Phelps claims to have lost control over the lift. He is consequently crushed to death. *'''Jim gave an abort. We should walk away.''' **Who: Sarah Davies **Note: Character says this line to fellow agent Ethan Hunt, but Ethan orders her anyway to stay with Alexander Golitzyn, a treacherous American diplomat who has apparently stolen a CIA NOC list from the US Embassy in Prague, and recover the list. However, Ethan later finds her stabbed to death. *'''Don't, Jim!''' **Who: Claire Phelps *'''"Don't, Jim"?!''' **Note: Jim Phelps **Note: Claire tries to stop Jim from shooting Ethan. Jim says his line in response, and shoots Claire instead. Jim doesn't say any more lines during the resulting fight against Ethan, which ends with Ethan taunting "RED LIGHT! GREEN LIGHT!" killing Jim - as well as fellow treacherous agent Franz Krieger - with a piece of explosive chewing gum. ====''[[Mission: Impossible II]]'' (2000)==== *'''You're not Dmitri?''' *'''Well, I've heard...''' **Who: Dr. Vladimir Nekhovich **Note: Said when Ethan Hunt tells him to stop calling him Dmitri. Hunt then knocks him out, revealing himself to be Sean Ambrose in disguise, and triggers a plane crash, with Nekhorvich still on board, killing him. The second line is when Nechovich appears to have confronted and interrogated his boss, John McCloy; mid-sentence, he reveals himself to be the real Hunt in disguise, who finishes with "...all I need to hear." *'''What's this about? You on time, for once?''' **Who: Biocyte receptionist **Note: Said when Hugh Stamp arrives at Biocyte with more of Ambrose's men; Stamp replies "Not exactly, sport." Another agent promptly shoots the receptionist dead. *'''Raise your hands very slowly.''' *'''I'm afraid he's got no choice. I believe I broke his jaw.''' **Who: Hugh Stamp **Note: Said while holding Ethan at gunpoint, but Ethan overpowers and gags him, forcibly disguises him as Ethan himself and brings him back to Ambrose, tricking him into executing Stamp. As a result, the second line is what Ethan, disguised as Stamp, said before the shot and the disguise reveal, after Ambrose screams "Stop mumbling!" *'''Get out there and keep firing!''' **Who: Wallis *'''I can't see anything! Slow down, mate, slow down!''' **Who: Ulrich **Note: Said while pursuing Ethan in an SUV, as Ethan creates a smokescreen from his motorbike. The car is promptly hit by a lorry, instantly exploding. *'''HUNT! You should have killed me.''' **Who: Sean Ambrose **Note: Said while pulling a gun on Ethan, but Ethan throws a can of Bellerophon to Luther Stickell, then kicks a gun from the sand, which he uses to kill Ambrose. ====''[[Mission: Impossible III]]'' (2006)==== *'''Ethan...thank you. I-''' **Who: Lindsey Farris **Note: Ethan Hunt is attempting to extract a time-sensitive detonator from inside Lindsey's head, but it goes off and kills her before he can do so. *'''Didn't I tell you she'd call out your name? And I told you I was going to kill you in front of her? Well, I'm going to kill her in front of you.''' **Who: Owen Davian **Note: Says this while beating up a weakened Ethan, and prepares to kill his wife Julia in front of him, but Ethan quickly uses his last ounce of strength to stop Davian and beat him up, eventually killing him by putting him straight into the direction of a fast-moving truck. ====''[[Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol]]'' (2011)==== *'''Ethan, you were my best man. And I'm sorry it's come to this, after all the sacrifices you made. If we don't meet again, I just want you to know, I've always considered you a friend.''' **Who: IMF Director **Note: After giving Ethan a flash drive (the "mission"), an explosion goes off, throwing him off balance, and he is shot in the head by Russian police, killing him. *'''Kill them.''' **Who: Sabine Moreau **Note: Says this line after discovering that the team she had retrieved the nuclear launch codes from was actually Ethan's team at the Burj Khalifa (the world's tallest building). The ensuing fight ends with Jane Carter, a member of the team, sending Moreau falling to her death in revenge for killing Trevor Hanaway, Carter's lover and fellow IMF agent. *'''Disable the relay.''' **Who: Kurt Hendricks **Note: The movie's main villain, giving orders to his henchman, Wistrom to prevent the team from stopping the nuclear missile from going off. Later dies from injuries sustained from falling off a high height in an attempt to prevent Ethan from reaching the football nuclear case. ====''[[Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation]]'' (2015)==== *'''I've heard stories. They can't all be true.''' **Who:IMF London contact **Note: Lady at a record shop that has an IMF message, which is actually a message from The Syndicate. The woman is killed by Solomon Lane by being shot in the head as Ethan is gassed in the next booth. *''[In Austrian German]'' '''If something happened to you...''' **Who: The Austrian Chancellor's Wife *''[In Austrian German]'' '''Nothing's going to happen to me.''' **Who: The Austrian Chancellor *''[In Austrian German]'' '''STOP THE CAR!!!''' **Who: One of the Austrian Chancellor's guards **Note: Notices too late that there is a bomb in the car, which then goes off, killing him, the Chancellor and his wife. *''[In Russian]'' '''Now we'll see what you're made of.''' **Who: Janik Vinter (aka The Bone Doctor) **Note: Solomon's main henchman. Loses a knife fight with Ilsa. ====''[[Mission: Impossible – Fallout]]'' (2018)==== *'''I don't understand. The attacks didn't happen?''' **Who: Dr. Nils Delbruuk **Note: Character says this line after discovering he was tricked into decrypting his personal data, at an hospital-disguised IMF station in Germany. The nuclear attacks he referred to were said to have destroyed Rome, Jerusalem and Mecca (using portable nuclear bombs that he built), as part of the plan to trick him. Luther Stickell, a member of Hunt's team, reveals that the car accident that injured him had taken place ''an hour'' earlier and not two weeks like they initially told him; Benji Dunn, another member, reveals "I was driving the other car." Hunt then remarks "What's done is done when ''we say'' it's done," (an extension of Delbruuk's earlier words) and injects something into him, possibly a lethal injection or sedative, but as it's not explained, Delbruuk may not have been killed. *'''Go. Go.''' **Who: IMF Secretary Alan Hunley **Note: Character says this line to Ethan, after being stabbed by August Walker, who was recently discovered to be a traitor in the CIA and "John Lark", the client who hired the Apostles (formerly the Syndicate), following a battle in the IMF's London safehouse. *'''Why won't you just die?!''' **Who: August Walker (aka John Lark) **Note: Character says this line after discovering Ethan pursuing him again, in a helicopter chase over the mountains of Kashmir, India. The chase ends with both their helicopters crashing on top of a cliff. As Hunt and a disfigured Walker fight on the edge of the cliff, Hunt manages to kill him by causing the winch of his helicopter to pull into his face, causing him to fall down the cliff with the helicopter. ====''[[Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One|Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning]]'' (2023)==== *'''BLOW ALL MAIN BALLAST TANKS! SOUND THE COLLISION ALAR-''' **Who: ''Sevastopol'' Captain **Note: Said before a torpedo hits the ''Sevastopol'', killing him and all the crew and sinking the sub. *'''It's my first time in Venice.''' ''[Ethan: Mine too.]'' **Who: Ilsa Faust **Note: Said while sharing a romantic moment with Ethan on the roof of the IMF safehouse in Venice. She is later killed by Gabriel; these are her last on-screen words. *'''The only one.''' **Who: DNI Denlinger **Note: Character clarifies to Gabriel that he is the only one who knows where the ''Sevastopol'' is; Gabriel kills him afterwards. ====''[[Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning|Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning]]'' (2025)==== *'''Gabriel, you son of a b***h. No-one is safe from Phineas Phreak.''' **Who: Luther Stickell **Note: Said while disarming a nuclear bomb, knowing it will nevertheless blow the explosives and bring down the tunnels around him. *'''Madam President...''' **Who: General Sidney, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs **Note: Dying of a gunshot wound suffered while protecting President Sloane from a doomsday cultist. *'''Only one of us has a parachute. Good luck.''' **Who: Gabriel **Note: Said while smugly attempting to escape the plane Ethan has hijacked from him, but accidentally splits his head open on the plane's rudder. ===''[[Mobile Suit Gundam: Char's Counterattack]]'' (1988)=== *'''Your MOTHER?!''' **Who: Amuro Rey **Notes: Char Anzable taunts Amuro Rey as the Nu Gundam attempts to stop Axis from hitting Earth. When Char tells Amuro that he thought of Lalah Sune as a mother, Amuro's anger caused Nu Gundam's Psychoframe to overload and destroy the Gundam, stopping Axis' fall in the process. ===''[[w:Monster Island (film)|Monster Island]]'' (2004)=== *'''Do you have any idea what this is gonna do for us?''' **Who: Cameraman **Note: Character asks his assistant for another tape so he could film the swamp monster that had attacked the group. The monster tackles him into the lake and kills him. *'''C'mon, big momma! Let's go for a ride!''' **Who: Eight Ball **Note: He pushes a giant praying mantis over a cliff with a bulldozer but the mantis grabs the bulldozer and pulls Eight Ball down with it. *'''HEEELP MEEE!!!''' **Who: Lil' Mindi **Note: Character runs into a web and is killed by a giant spider. *'''Here's your cough syrup and smokes, ma!''' **Who: Dr. Harry Hausen **Note: Character blows himself up along with the queen ant and her hive. His line refers to his childhood, having to live with his overbearing mother. ===''[[Monsters vs. Aliens]]'' (2009)=== *'''Clearly, you are defective beyond repair. Guards, take this defective clone to the incinerator! Well, what are you waiting for? You and you!''' [Dr. Cockroach: Seriously?] '''Yes! Take the prisoner and defective clone to the incinerator!''' [Dr. Cockroach: Of course, sir.] '''And here's a security pass, just in case. Would you like a gun?''' **Who: Gallaxhar Clone **Note: Gets blasted by the gun that B.O.B shoots. *[B.O.B: Excuse me, could you direct use to the main power core?] '''Gladly, it's right there above the extraction chamber.''' **Who: Gallaxhar Clone #2 **Note: Before B.O.B could kill him with the gun, Dr. Cockroach grabs the gun from B.O.B and accidentally kills the Gallaxhar Clone. *'''MONSTERS!''' **Who: Several Gallaxhar clones **Note: Some of the clones are defeated in a battle afterwards, while the rest later perish in the ship's self-destruct sequence. *'''Come on! COME ON!''' ''[whimpers]'' **Who: Gallaxhar **Notes: Said while trying to stop or delay his ship's self-destruct sequence. But in the last two seconds, he cowers in fear and resigns himself moments before he dies in the explosion. *'''Hmm, nothing happened. Maybe my calcul-''' ''[ship explodes]'' **Who: Gallaxhar's computer **Note: Said it as the self-destruct sequence was taking time to complete, until it explodes. ===''[[Monty Python]]'' media=== ====''[[And Now For Something Completely Different]]'' (1971)==== *'''It's Harrison, sir.''' **Who: Mr Harrison ([[w:Graham Chapman|Graham Chapman]]) **Source: ''And Now For Something Completely Different'' ("Self-Defense Against Fruit" sketch) **Note: After the instructor explains to the class how to defend yourself against anybody armed with a simple banana (force the person to drop it, then you eat it), he picks upon Mr. Harrison to demonstrate. He has the young man charge at him with the banana, before shooting the lad dead with a shotgun. Then, he eats the banana. ====''[[Monty Python and the Holy Grail]]'' (1975)==== *'''Oh, I see! Running away, eh?! You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to ya! I'll bite your legs off!''' **Who: The Black Knight ([[John Cleese]]) **Note: Fought against Arthur, who ended up being victorious in the fight after hacking off all of the Black Knight's limbs. He screams at them as they head off. Although his true fate is unknown, these are his last words in the movie. *'''Right. Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew coming right up!''' **Who: Sir Bors ([[Terry Gilliam]]) **Note: Says this in response to Arthur telling him, "Go on, Bors, chop his head off.". As Sir Bors advances forward to kill a rabbit, the rabbit suddenly leaps up on to Sir Bors and bites his head off. *'''It's the Legendary Black Beast of-ARGH!!!!!''' **Who: Brother Maynard **Note:Says this when a Terry Gilliam-animated monster appears and eats Maynard himself. *'''I don't know that!''' **Who: Sir Robin ([[Eric Idle]]) **Note: Was asked the question "What is the capital of Assyria?" by the keeper of the Bridge of Death, but could not answer, and was ejected into the pit to his doom. {For those not in the know, the answer would be Ninevah} *'''Blue! No, yell-''' ''[screams]'' **Who: Sir Galahad ([[Michael Palin]]) **Note: Was asked the question "What is your favourite color?" by the keeper of the Bridge of Death, but could not make up his mind, and was ejected into the pit, causing him to fall to his doom. *'''What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?''' [King Arthur: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?] '''Uh...I-I don't know that.''' **Who: The Bridgekeeper ([[Terry Gilliam]]) **Note: Asked King Arthur the question above but could not answer when King Arthur asked which type of swallow, and was ejected into the pit. (For those who don't know, the answer would be 24 miles per hour or 11 meters per seconds) ====''[[Monty Python's Life of Brian]]'' (1979)==== *'''STOP IT!! STOP IT!!! Now look! No one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle, understand? Even, and I want to make this absolutely clear, even if they do say "Jehovah."''' **Rabbi **Note: A huge crowd gathered for a public stoning of a man who was condemned for the crime of blasphemy. This blasphemy, was simply saying the word, "Jehovah," which is one of the names of God. After a bunch of people o out of hand throwing stones at whoever says Jehovah, the Rabbi in charge of the execution, gets furious and says this. After he says Jehovah, he is bombarded with hundreds of stones, and crushed by a boulder carried by three people. *'''We are the Judean People's Front crack suicide squad! Suicide squad, attack!''' ''[they stab themselves]'' '''That showed 'em, huh?''' **Who: Judean People's Front suicide squad leader ([[Michael Palin]]) ====''[[Monty Python's The Meaning of Life]]'' (1983)==== *'''All right. Just one.''' **Who: [[w:Mr Creosote|Mr Creosote]] **Note: Finally, after being convinced by the Maître d' to eat a single "wafer-thin mint", his stomach begins to rapidly expand until it explodes: covering the restaurant and diners with viscera and partially digested food—even starting a "vomit-wave" among the other diners, who leave in disgust. ===''Mortal Engines'' (2018)=== *'''Well, it's quite simple, really. There is a bounty on your head, Ms. Fang. So either you give me 50,000 quirks for the girlie, or I take them from the authorities when I hand you in.''' **Who: Rustwater auctioneer **Note: While attempting to sell Hester Shaw and Tom Natsworthy as slaves, the auctioneer confronts Fang when she makes a bid. He reminds her of her fugitive status, and attempts to blackmail her, but she pulls a gun on him, sparking a fight during which she kills him. *'''This belongs to you. I release you...from your promise.''' **Who: Shrike **Note: Character had said this line after being wounded during a chase with Hester and Tom. Hester had promised to let Shrike turn her into a Resurrected Warrior, just like him, but discovering her newly developed relationship with Tom, he decides to free her from the promise, and gives her a necklace that belonged to her mother, Pandora, as he dies again. *'''And what does that make you?''' **Who: Magnus Crome, Lord Mayor of London **Note: Character confronts Thaddeus Valentine about his intentions after discovering that he has reassembled MEDUSA, an ancient, quantum energy-based superweapon, and says this line when Valentine calls him a dinosaur for his intentions to keep things as they currently are. The confrontation ends with Valentine remarking "Me? I am the meteor" and shooting Crome dead. *'''''Now'' it's over.''' **Who: Anna Fang **Note: While in a fight with Valentine in the mobile Predator City of London, the resistance leader is wounded and left hanging for her life. Valentine attempts to force her to accept defeat, but Hester manages to permanently disable MEDUSA, whereupon Fang remarks her line and falls to her death. *'''This is what you want?! You want to die?!''' **Who: Thaddeus Valentine **Note: Character says this line in a duel with Hester, who was determined to kill him to avenge Pandora, despite having just discovered Valentine to be her father. The duel ends with Hester escaping onto an airship piloted by Tom, having realised that killing him will get her killed as well. Valentine escapes onto another one, but is shot down by Tom, and the airship is then crushed with Valentine inside by London's slowing tracks. ===''Mortal Kombat'' media=== :''See ''[[last words in Mortal Kombat media|''last words in ''Mortal Kombat'' media'']]''.'' ===''[[Moulin Rouge!]]'' (2001)=== *'''Tell our story, Christian. Promise me. Yes. That way I'll...I'll always be with you.''' **Who: Satine ([[Nicole Kidman]]) **Note: Said before dying of [[w:Tuberculosis|Tuberculosis]]. ===''[[Mystery Men]]'' (1999)=== *'''Uh-oh! Wrong switch.''' **Who: Captain Amazing ([[w:Greg Kinnear|Greg Kinnear]]) **Note: Said after Blue Raja flips the wrong switch, killing Captain Amazing who's strapped to Casanova's weapon. ===''[[Mystic River (film)|Mystic River]]'' (2003)=== *'''I wasn't ready.''' **Who: Dave Boyle **Notes: Spoken after Jimmy Markum, his former friend, has stabbed him in the stomach because he, Jimmy, erroneously believes Dave murdered his 19-year-old daughter, Katie. Jimmy said he would let Dave live if he confessed, but proceeds to kill him anyway when he does. ==N== ===''[[National Treasure: Book of Secrets]]'' (2007)=== *'''The debt that all men pay...''' **Who: Thomas Gates (Benjamin Gates' great-great-grandfather) **Notes: Character has been shot by a member of the conspiracy to assassinate President Lincoln, after helping them to decode the message. His words are a reference to "death", a clue to decipher the message he decoded just before being killed. *'''Tell them I found it!''' **Who: Mitch Wilkinson **Notes: Wilkinson had blackmailed Ben Gates and his family into helping him find Cibola, a legendary Native American city of pure gold. In order to escape, one member of the party was forced to work a mechanism that flooded a chamber with water. Wilkinson stayed, told Gates to tell the world that he had found the treasure, and drowned. ===''[[Need for Speed (film)|Need for Speed]]'' (2014)=== *'''This is my vision. This is how I saw you winning the De Leon. You beat Dino, take his car and win.''' *'''You got it, man!''' **Who: Pete Coleman **Notes: Character says the first line to his best friend, Tobey Marshall, when they discover three Koenigsegg Agera Rs owned their business partner, Dino Brewster, before the three of them race each other with the cars. During the race, Pete says the second line after Tobey thanks him for helping him get past Dino. On the home stretch, Pete continues blocking Dino, until Dino intentionally bumps Pete's car, causing it to crash off a bridge and burst into flame, with Tobey unable to save him. ===''[[New Jack City]]''=== *[Reporter: Mr. Brown, are you pleased with the outcome?] '''Absolutely. The American justice system is the greatest in the world. I'm proud to be an American. Hi, Mom.''' **Who: Nino Brown **Note: Brown, a drug lord, was given a reduced sentence disproportionate to his brutal crimes. As he talks to reporters after the trial, an old man whose life he had ruined earlier fatally shoots him, causing him to fall off a courthouse balcony. ===''[[Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian]]'' (2009)=== *'''What are you?!?!''' (Larry Daley: I'm the night guard!) **Who: Kahmurah ([[w:Hank Azaria|Hank Azaria]]) **Note: The half-brother of Ahkmenrah, who desired to use the power of his brother's tablet to revive his undead army to rule the world. Threatening to kill Lerry Daley and his friends, he managed to obtain the combination to open a gate to the Underworld (the combination is the formula for pi). After Abraham Lincoln appears and shoos away the army of Kahmunrah back into the Underworld, a fierce battle begins and Kahmunrah and Larry engage in sword combat (with Larry using a flashlight to fight back). As Amelia Earhart opens the gate to the Underworld as Larry forces Kahmunrah close to the gate, the pharaoh shouts this quote to Larry, who responds "The night guard", and forces Kahmunrah into the gate. The evil king crumbles into dust as he is caught in the vortex and dies. ===The ''[[A Nightmare on Elm Street (franchise)|A Nightmare on Elm Street]]'' franchise=== ====''[[w:A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984 film)|A Nightmare on Elm Street]]''==== *'''ROD! ROOOOOD!''' **Who: Tina Gray **Notes: After Freddy slashes open Tina's chest, he drags her bloodied body up onto the room's ceiling to continue the assault on her. Tina calls out to her boyfriend, Rod, one last time, before dying from her wounds. *'''Help! Help! Help, mom, help!''' **Who: Glen Lantz **Notes: Said as he's being dragged into his bed by Freddy. His mother then enters to see his bloody, liquefied remains erupting from the bed like a geyser. ====''[[w:A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge|A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge]]''==== *'''No! No! NOOOO!''' **Who: Coach Schneider **Notes: Having been tied up naked in the shower room, Schneider calls this out when he sees Freddy approaching out of the clouds of steam, before Freddy slashes him to death. *'''Mom! Dad! Open the door!''' **Who: Ron Grady **Notes: After witnessing Jesse slowly and painfully transform into Freddy, Grady tries to escape his bedroom, but finds the door locked. Before his parents can help him, Freddy stabs him to death. *'''Okay, j-just calm down, right? Relax. Yeah. It's gonna be alright. No-one's gonna hurt you. Just tell us what you want, alright? I'm here to help you.''' **Who: Party-goer **Notes: With Freddy having already killed several other people at the party, one of them unsuccessfully tries to talk him down. Freddy replies "Help yourself, FUCKER!", slashes him across his torso, and then throws him into a barbecue. ====''[[Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare]]'' (1991)==== *'''Kids.''' **Who: Freddy Krueger **Notes: Said after his daughter, Maggie, shoves a pipe bomb into him. The bomb then explodes, killing Krueger and dispelling the Dream Demons that were keeping him alive. ===''[[w:Ninth Gate|The Ninth Gate]]'' (1999)=== *'''It's miraculous! I feel nothing! Nothing at all!''' **Who: Boris Balkan **Note: Balkan believed he could enter through the Ninth Gate by performing a ritual, so he ends up lighting himself on fire. Balkan realizes what he had just done and tries to put himself out. Dean Corso ([[w: Johnny Depp|Johnny Depp]]) shoots him. *'''You're insane, Boris. Give it back to me!''' **Who: Liana Telfer **Note: Boris interrupts her Satanist meeting to get the book back. Liana wrestles with Boris to try to get the book, but Boris gets the upper hand and strangles Liana with her own Satanist necklace. ===''[[No Country for Old Men (film)|No Country for Old Men]]'' (2007)=== *'''Yes, sir. I've got it under control.''' **Who: Lamarr's deputy **Note: The deputy is speaking to Sheriff Lamarr regarding the recently arrested Anton Chigurh. Chigurh then brutally strangles the deputy with the handcuffs restraining him. *'''You can have the money, Anton.''' **Who: Carson Wells **Note: Wells says this to Anton Chigurh, who fatally shoots him after their conversation is interrupted by a phone call from Llewelyn Moss. *'''No, ma'am. I know what beer leads to.''' **Who: Llewelyn Moss **Note: Moss says this while talking to a woman at his hotel. He is shot and killed, offscreen, by a group of Mexican mercenaries, shortly afterward. ===''[[w:No Mercy (film)|No Mercy]]'' (1986)=== *[Losado: It's over.] '''What's over?''' [Losado: Life, my friend.] **Who: Joe Collins *'''YOU'LL DIE, MY FRIEND!!! YOU'LL BURN!!! Oh yes, you'll burn, my friend.''' **Who: Losado ===''[[w:Nope (film)|Nope]]'' (2022)=== *'''Bear with us now! Trained animals can be unpredictable! Heh!''' **Who: Amber Park **Note: Amber says this to the Star Lasso Experience audience as Jean Jacket arrives earlier than expected. She, along with her her husband, children and everybody at the Star Lasso Experience, are swallowed and slowly and painfully digested until their deaths. *'''Come on.''' **Who: Ricky "Jupe" Park **Note: Jupe says this quietly to the horse he is trying to let Jean Jacket "abduct" for the Star Lasso Experience. Instead, it's Jupe, his family, Mary Jo Elliott, and the rest of the audience who get devoured, with the horse left in its cage. ===''[[North by Northwest]]'' (1959)=== *'''Now Mr. Kaplan, suppose you tell me who you are and what you want.''' **Who: Lester Townsend **Note: Converses this with Roger Thornhill (whom Lester thinks he's George Kaplan). When Thornhill shows a photo with Vandamm on it and says "Do you know this man?", Lester doesn't get to answer as a knife is thrown into his back by Valerian. He drops dead and when Thornhill pulls out the knife, he is framed as the suspect. ===''[[w:The Nutcracker and the Four Realms|The Nutcracker and the Four Realms]]'' (2018)=== *'''Clara, what have you done?!''' **Who: Sugar Plum Fairy **Note: Is zapped by her own machine, turning back into a doll. ==O== ===''[[Olympus Has Fallen]]'' (2013)=== *'''They're down the hall!''' *'''Shit, we've only got four guys left!''' *'''Hold your positions, you understand?''' **Who: Secret Service agents **Note: During the White house takeover, the agents attempt desperately to hold off invading terrorists, but are killed in the gunfight. *'''I got this door. Cover the other one.''' **Who: White House surveillance agent **Note: During the White house takeover, the agent, discovering that the terrorists have planted explosives on both doors of the surveillance room and will breach it, orders his compatriots to cover the second door, but all three agents are killed when the terrorists break in. *'''Olympus has fallen! Olympus has fallen! Olympus has fallen! Fuck you!''' **Who: Agent Roma ([[w:Cole Hauser|Cole Hauser]]) **Note: During the White house takeover, Roma says this using a radio to inform the Cabinet that terrorists have taken the White house, knowing he is the last Secret Service agent left and is certain to be killed. Then, two terrorists attack him and, though he manages to kill one of the terrorists, the other shoots Roma, killing him. *'''His name is Yeonsak Kang. He's the head of the KUF.''' **Who: KUF Terrorist **Note: Character says this line while being interrogated and tortured by Mike, and is implied to have died afterwards. *'''Kang, it's Forbes. I got him. All clear.''' **Who: Dave Forbes ([[w:Dylan McDermott|Dylan McDermott]]) **Note: A former Secret Service agent, now a traitor working for the KUF, Forbes falsely tells Kang via walkie-talkie that he has killed Mike, after having been overpowered by him in a fight. Mike then mercy-kills him. *'''Looks like you failed again, Mike.''' **Who: Kang Yeonsak ([[w:Rick Yune|Rick Yune]]) **Note: The mastermind behind the White House takeover and the head of the paramilitary force KUF (Koreans for United Freedom), Kang attempts to escape with president Asher as hostage. While engaging Mike in one-on-one fight, Kang says this to Mike when trying to kill him with his knife. But Mike gains the upper hand and then kills Kang by stabbing him in the head, as he earlier said he would. ===''[[On the Waterfront]]'' (1954)=== *'''Take me to the garden.''' **Who: Charlie Malloy **Note: After telling his brother Terry to run from Johnny Friendly after talking in a taxicab, Charlie says this to the driver of the taxi. The driver is then revealed to be working for Friendly, and takes Charlie to be killed. His body is found later by Terry. *'''Okay. I'll see you on the roof.''' **Who: Joey Doyle **Note: Said to Terry, who is in fact luring him up to his death with the pretense of giving him back one of his pigeons. Joey is later thrown off the roof by Friendly's men. ===''[[Once Upon a Time in Mexico]]'' (2000)=== *'''See anything you like?''' **Who: Ajedrez **Note: Says the line to her former lover/fellow CIA agent, Sands, whom she had betrayed. She drugged him and watched as her father and his men drilled Sands' eyes out; he shoots her and replies "No" to her question. ===''[[Once Upon a Time in the West]]'' (1968)=== *'''Who are you?''' **Who: Frank **Notes: Said after losing his final duel with Harmonica. The brother who's alias is Harmonica having avenged his hanged brother's death puts his signature harmonica in Frank's mouth. Having recognized his opponent as the young boy who's brother was hung, he dies with satisfaction. ===''[[Orphan (film)|Orphan]]'' (2009)=== *'''Please. Don't let me die, Mommy.''' [Kate Coleman: I'm NOT your FUCKING MOMMY!!!] **Who: Leena Klammer **Note: Character is a murderious 33 year old woman with dwarfism posing as a little girl named "Esther", she says this line while pleading for her life from her foster mother, Kate Coleman, while they struggle to the death after Leena atacks her and kills her husband, john. Kate, realising that Leena will kill her if she lets her live (we see her holding a knife behind her back), kicks her in the face, breaking Leena's neck (killing her instantly) and sending her dead corpse down a hole into a frozen pond. ===''[[Osmosis Jones]]'' (2001)=== *'''Can you feel the heat, Jones? Hehehehehe. Too bad you won't be here to see me break my record when I take down Frank's pretty little girl.''' ['''Osmosis:''' She ain't goin' down. You are!] '''What?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!''' **Who: Thrax **Note: Uttered by Thrax as he impales the titular character on a false eyelash, only to realize that the white blood cell made a gap in his body, who runs off while the eyelash comes off and falls into a bottle of rubbing alcohol, disintegrating the virus. ===''[[w:Over the Edge (film)|Over the Edge]]'' (1979)=== *'''You son of a bitchin' pigs!''' **Who: Richie White ([[w: Matt Dillon|Matt Dillon]]) **Note: After a high-speed pursuit, he is cornered by Sergeant Doberman and shot after pointing an empty gun at Doberman. ==P== ===''[[w:Pale Rider|Pale Rider]]'' (1985)=== *'''Stay where you are, boys!''' **Who: Spider Conway **Notes: Having found gold, Spider Conway spews drunken abuse towards Coy LaHood. He confronts Stockburn and attempts to see LaHood, but when the Marshal forces him to dance, Conway tells his sons to stay where they are. He then attempts to defend himself, but is riddled with bullets, and Stockburn shoots him in the head. *'''You! You!''' **Who: Marshal Stockburn **Note: The corrupt marshal hired by LaHood. He recognizes the Preacher in disbelief and is shot dead. ===''[[Pan's Labyrinth]]'' (2006)=== *'''No!''' **Who: Ofelia **Note: Said while trying to stop Vidal from taking her brother. Vidal turns and shoots her in the chest in response. *'''Tell my son what time his father died at. Tell him that-''' **Who: Captain Vidal **Note: Said after handing his son over to Mercedes. She interrupts him with "He will not even know your name," then Pedro shoots him in the face. ===''[[The Patriot (2000 film)|The Patriot]]''=== *'''Kill me before the war is over, will you? It appears that you are not the better man.''' **Who: Col. William Tavington **Notes: During their final duel at Cowpens, Tavington believes Benjamin Martin isn't better. Martin stabs him twice with two different bayonets, telling him before delivering the killing blow "You're right. My sons were better men." referring the sons that Tavington had killed earlier. ===''[[Paul (film)|Paul]]'' (2011)=== *'''Smile, you son of a bitch!''' **Who: Agent Haggard **Note: Character accidentally drives off the edge into a ravine while while trying to shoot Paul during a car chase. *'''Well, ain't this-''' **Who: The Big Guy ([[w:Sigourney Weaver|Sigourney Weaver]]) **Note: Character is crushed by the alien ship's walking platform ===''[[w:Peeping Tom (film)|Peeping Tom]]'' (1960)=== *'''Helen! Helen! I'm afraid!''' [Helen: No, Marc!] '''And I'm glad I'm afraid!''' **Who: Marc Lewis **Note: Character impales himself with a knife attached to one of the legs on his movie camera tripod. ===''[[Peter Pan (2003 film)|Peter Pan]]'' (2003)=== *'''Old, alone...done for.''' **Who: Captain Hook **Note: Hook had attained the ability to fly, when the Crocodile appeared beneath him. Peter Pan, the Darling children, and the Lost Boys started calling him "old, alone and done for", using the bad thoughts to drag him down. Hook tries, in vain, to retain his flight by thinking of "happy thoughts", but finally succumbs, crossing his hands over his chest and letting himself be swallowed whole. ===''[[Peter Rabbit (film)|Peter Rabbit]]'' (2018)=== *'''Gotcha, Rabbit! I knew you'd come. The lady's not here to protect you now...I've got a hankering for a pie tonight, ''RABBIT'' pie!''' **Who: Mr. McGregor **Note: He capture Peter and prepared to put him into a pie similar to how Mrs. McGregor did the same to Peter's father. However, before Mr. McGregor could do so, he suddenly died of a heart attack, and collapsed to the ground, much to Peter’s surprise. It later turns out that the true cause behind Mr. McGregor's death was due to 78 years of terrible lifestyle choices of eating too much junk food, even after Mrs. McGregor died from unknown causes. ===''[[Pineapple Express (film)|Pineapple Express]]'' (2008)=== *'''I'm hungry, I'm going home.''' **Who: Budlofsky **Note: Said before Matheson shoots him for not killing Saul. *'''You think you was gonna get me?! Motherfucker?! Huh?! You need to sit your little sexy ass down, and watch yourself get killed now!''' **Who: Matheson **Note: Said to Saul moments before Red runs him over with his car. *'''Why are you doing this to me?!''' **Who: Ted Jones **Note: Said this while fighting Dale, who responds with the same question. A rival Asian gang sets up a bomb that goes off that destroys Ted's underground pot grow house, taking him with it. *'''Your stupidity amazes me.''' **Who: Officer Carol Brazier **Note: Says this moments before the bomb goes off that destroys the grow house. The explosion launches Red's car and it lands on top of Carol, crushing and killing her. ===''[[Pirates of the Caribbean]]'' films=== ====''[[Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl]]'' (2003)==== *'''I feel...cold...''' **Who: Captain Hector Barbossa **Notes: Barbossa had suffered under a curse that made him undead; he was unable to feel anything. Immediately after being shot, the curse was broken, allowing him to feel again. He was resurrected by Tia Dalma in the second film. ====''[[Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest]]'' (2006)==== *'''Hello, Beastie.''' **Who: Captain Jack Sparrow **Notes: Said before being swallowed by the Kraken. Was then banished to a hellish afterlife, which he was rescued from in the next film. ====''[[Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End]]'' (2007)==== *'''I'll give your love to your mother, shall I?''' **Who: Weatherby Swann **Notes: Character was already dead at this point, having been murdered by Cutler Beckett off screen. He says this to his daughter Elizabeth right before his ghost sails away to the Land of the Dead. *'''Forgive me...Calypso...''' **Who: Sao Feng **Notes: Said to Elizabeth, who he thought was Calypso, after being mortally wounded on board his ship by Davy Jones, via a cannon blast fired from Jones' ship which sent him flying backwards onto a sharp piece of broken wood which impaled him. He had tried to rape her shortly before he was mortally wounded, which is why he asked her to forgive him before he died. *'''Belay that!''' **Who: James Norrington **Notes: Character is betraying Cutler Beckett by allowing some of his prisoners to escape. He yells this at Bootstrap Bill Turner, who had just caught him and raised the alarm. Turner, who had been driven insane by the torture he'd received at the hands of Davy Jones (and possibly the presumed death of his son Will), then impales Norrington, killing him. *'''No!''' **Who: Mr. Mercer **Notes: Said as he is being smothered by Davy Jones. Jones then strangles him and breaks his neck. *'''Calypso...''' **Who: Davy Jones **Note: Said after his heart was stabbed, before falling into a massive maelstrom, which was a physical form of Calypso, a sea goddess and his lover. *'''It's just...good business.''' **Who: Lord Cutler Beckett **Note: Said as his ship is bombarded by cannonfire from the Black Pearl and Flying Dutchman and is asked what they should do by a crewman. He is repeating what he said to Jack earlier when he pointed his ships cannons at Jack's ship ("[It's nothing personal, Jack.] It's just...good business") Beckett calmly walks onto the deck of his ship and is killed in a large explosion. ====''[[Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides]]'' (2011)==== *'''This land is hereby forever claimed in the glorious name of His Majesty, King George-''' **Who: Lieutenant Commander Theodore Groves **Note: Making his speech about the Fountain as the property of King George before he is interrupted and killed by the Spaniard with a gunshot. *'''Trickster! Devil!''' **Who: Blackbeard **Notes: The Captain of the ship "Queen Anne's Revenge", his crew spends a great portion of the movie searching for the Fountain of Youth (which has the power to give all the years of life from another person: the years they have and could've lived). Angelica (his daughter and the ship's first mate) is searching for the Fountain in order to save her father's life to avoid a prophecy of his death at the hands of a one-legged man (Barbossa) from occurring. Eventually, a struggle occurs between the forces of Britain and Blackbeard's crew, until the Spanish arrive and sabotage the Fountain. Taking advantage of this, Barbossa stabs Blackbeard (in revenge for Blackbeard's part in the destruction of the Black Pearl) with his poison-laced sword. Angelica tries to save him but scratches herself with the blade, causing Jack to trick Blackbeard into drinking from the one cup without a mermaid's tear (which is required for the Fountain's ritual), and Angelica to drink the other. In fury, Blackbeard yells the above line at Jack after he reveals the truth about which goblets he gave to each other. Although Angelica is saved, Blackbeard ends up crumbling away into a lifeless skeleton. ====''[[Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales]]'' (2017)==== *'''Jack!''' **Who: Captain Armando Salazar **Notes: A legendary pirate hunter, Salazar is a ghost who came back to life to kill Captain Jack Sparrow for leading him to hid demise. Even when his curse is broken and he is returned to human life, Salazar still intends on killing Jack and his allies, but is dragged by Captain Barbossa into the closing waters below before Salazar can do so. Salazar dies whilst falling when his head hits the anchor he was attempting to climb on. *[Carina: "What am I to you?] '''Treasure. Hold on!''' **Who: Captain Hector Barbossa **Notes: In an effort to save his long-lost daughter Carina from the villainous Captain Salazar, Barbossa sacrifices himself by letting go of the chain he, Carina, Salazar, Jack, and Henry Turner are on and falls into the closing waters below, grabbing Salazar on the way down and dragging him to their deaths in the water. Barbossa says this line to Carina after she realizes he is her father and asks him what he thinks of her. ===''[[Planet of the Apes]]'' films=== ====''[[Planet of the Apes (1968 film)|Planet of the Apes]]'' (1968)==== *'''Blessed are the vegetarians.''' **Who: Thomas Dodge **Notes: After the astronauts happen across a tribe of mute humans, Dodge makes this comment. He is subsequently shot dead while trying to escape an ape hunting party, and his corpse is later seen stuffed and mounted in a museum. *'''We got off at the wrong stop.''' **Who: John Landon **Notes: Character's last words before being captured by the ape hunting party, and later being lobotomized on the orders of Dr. Zaius. ====''[[Beneath the Planet of the Apes]]'' (1970)==== *'''If it's 3955AD, my god. My wife, my two daughters. Dead. Everyone I ever knew. Everyone I...''' **Who: Skipper **Notes: Having been fatally injured during the crash-landing of his spacecraft, Skipper makes this remark on being told the year by Brent, before dying from his injuries. *'''TAYLOR!''' **Who: Nova **Notes: On seeing Taylor, Nova speaks for the first and only time in her life, before later being shot dead by an ape soldier. *'''Unto god... I reveal my inmost self.''' **Who: Ongaro **Notes: After Nova distracts Ongaro from his attempts to psychically induce Brent and Taylor to kill each other, they turn on him and fatally impale him on the spiked bars of their cell. Ongaro removes his mask and says this before dying. *'''Taylor, come on! Come on, the bomb!''' **Who: John Brent **Notes: Following Nova's death, Brent drags the mourning Taylor away from her body, so that the two can prevent the mutants from using the Alpha-Omega bomb and unwittingly destroying all life on Earth. Brent dies in a later scene when he runs out of ammo and is killed by a volley of fire from the ape soldiers. *'''This is the instrument of my god.''' **Who: Mendez **Notes: As the ape army breaks into the cathedral, Mendez says this before raising the Alpha-Omega bomb into its firing position. Before he can detonate it, Ursus has one of his soldiers shoot him. *'''Sergeant! Over there!''' **Who: Ursus **Notes: When Ursus nearly detonates the Alpha-Omega bomb by accident, Brent gets his attention by banging his rifle on the cathedral's organ. Ursus subsequently shoots and mortally wounds Taylor, causing Brent to in turn shoot him dead. *'''You ask me to help you?! Man is evil! Capable of nothing but destruction!''' **Who: Dr. Zaius **Notes: As the apes and Brent fight in the background, the dying Taylor pleads for Zaius to help him. Zaius angrily refuses, and is then killed when Taylor detonates the Alpha-Omega bomb. *'''You... bloody bastard...''' **Who: George Taylor **Notes: Having been mortally wounded by Ursus, and with Zaius refusing to help him, Taylor uses the last of his strength to hit the Alpha-Omega bomb's detonator, igniting the Earth's atmosphere and incinerating all life on the planet. ====''[[Escape from the Planet of the Apes]]'' (1971)==== *'''Stop arguing! It's too late for that. Use your heads and start thinking. Now that they know we can speak, how much will we tell-''' **Who: Milo **Notes: With Zira having revealed to the humans that the three apes can talk, Milo begins planning their next move, only to get too close to a gorilla in the next cage, which grabs him and strangles him to death. *'''Oh. Well, there must be some place cleaner than this. I'll look around.''' **Who: Cornelius **Notes: After Zira says that their baby needs feeding, Cornelius leaves to find a more sanitary place for her to do so. He dies in later scene after he shoots Dr. Hasslein dead, only to then be himself shot by a police sniper, causing him to fall to his death. *'''Zira. I want that baby. And if you won't give it to me, I'll shoot.''' **Who: Dr. Otto Hasslein **Notes: Hasslein, having been pursuing Cornelius, Zira, and their child, tries to make Zira hand over what he believes to be her child at gunpoint. He then shoots them both, before Cornelius in turn shoots him dead. *'''Stevie.''' **Who: Zira **Notes: Says this on seeing Dr. Stephanie "Stevie" Branton and her colleague Dr. Lewis Dixon arriving at the shipyard where she and Cornelius are hiding. Branton and Dixon are too late to help her, however, and Hasslein fatally shoots Zira and the baby gorilla masquerading as her and Cornelius' son. ====''[[Conquest of the Planet of the Apes]]'' (1972)==== *'''No. I won't submit to this. I have done nothing wrong, you are treating me like a criminal!''' [Kolp: Sit back, please.] '''No, no, no!''' [Kolp: Guard!] '''Hell no!''' **Who: Armando **Notes: On being forced to undergo interrogation with a device that forces him to tell the truth, Armando throws himself to his death out of a window, rather than give up the identity of Milo/Caesar. ====''[[Battle for the Planet of the Apes]]'' (1973)==== *'''Father? They... hurt me. They want... to hurt you.''' [Caesar: Who hurt you? The humans?] '''No. Shall I be... shall I be malformed? **Who: Cornelius II **Notes: After being pushed off a tree by Aldo in an earlier scene, Cornelius tries to warn his father that Aldo and his followers are plotting against him. Caesar responds to his last question be reassuring him that one day he will be a king, before Cornelius dies. *'''Caesar. Your people weakened our city by rebelling against your human masters. But we who survive will create a new race, and you and yours shall be brought low. You shall learn again what it is to have a master. Clever ape. Ape! Clever ape! But then, you always were clever. I was told how you chose your own name. But every Caesar must have his Brutus. Did you know that, ape? Do you understand that, APE?! And now Ape City is about to lose its king!''' **Who: Kolp **Notes: Thinking that he has overcome Ape City's resistance, Kolp taunts Caesar, who then reveals that he lured Kolp's forces into a trap, as reinforcements arrive and attack them. Kolp and a few others manage to escape, only to be gunned down by Aldo and his loyalists. *'''It's over. We lost.''' **Who: Mutant Captain (deleted scene) **Notes: The captain staggers into the ruined city and says this to Alma and Mendez before dying from his injuries. *'''No! We shall keep the guns. Move, Caesar, or we shall kill you.''' **Who: Aldo **Notes: With the mutant army defeated, Aldo orders his followers to massacre the captive humans, only for Caesar to intervene. Virgil then reveals that Aldo was responsible for the death of Cornelius II, leading to a duel between Caesar and Aldo, which results in the latter dying when he falls from a tree. ====''[[Planet of the Apes (2001 film)|Planet of the Apes]]'' (2001)==== *'''Damn them. Damn them all to hell.''' **Who: Thade's Father. **Notes: On his deathbed, Thade's father gets his son to promise to exterminate all the humans, before saying this as he dies. The line is a reference to the last line of the original 1968 ''Planet of the Apes'', spoken by George Taylor, who like Thade's father was played by Charlton Heston. ===''[[Platoon (film)|Platoon]]'' (1986)=== *'''Do it.''' **Who: Robert "Bob" Barnes ===''[[Point Break]]'' (1991)=== *'''Look at it! It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, man! Let me go out there and let me get one wave, just one wave before you take me in. I mean, come on man, where I am I gonna go? Cliffs on both sides! I'm not gonna paddle my way to New Zealand! My whole life has been about this moment, Johnny. Come on, compadre. Come on. Come on!''' **Who: Bodhi **Note: Said when Johnny Utah has handcuffed him, promising to accept his jail time fate if he gets a wave during a freak storm in Victoria, Australia. Aware that Bodhi will not survive, Utah bids him "Vaya con dios." Bodhi then attempts to make his killer wave surf but fails and drowns while Utah tells the authorities "He's not coming back." ===''[[Pompeii (film)|Pompeii]]'' (2014)=== *'''NO! NO! WAIT! NO! MERCY!''' **Who: Bellator **Note: Character screamed this line to ask Proculus to leave the portcullis open for him, but the latter doesn't do so. He is consequently beaten to death by gladiators. *'''I'm sorry.''' **Who: Severus **Note: Character had been stabbed by Corvus after a failed attempt on his life. While Corvus escapes with Proculus, Severus crawls to his also dying wife, and they try to comfort each other as he says this line. *'''You have to save Cassia.''' [Milo: Where is she?] '''The villa.''' **Who: Aurelia **Who: While wounded and stuck under a collapsed beam, character urges Milo to save Cassia and divulges her location, before she dies of her wounds. *'''Drink, drink.''' **Who: Ariadne **Note: Character attempts to heal Cassia by giving her some water from the fountain in the villa. However, when an earthquake causes half the villa to collapse into the sea, Milo and Cassia survive but Ariadne falls to her death. *'''Row, you idiots! Row!''' **Who: Graecus **Note: Character said this line while on a boat, rowing away from Pompeii to escape the eruption of Mount Vesuvius. A fireball lands in the ocean next to the ship, splashing its crew and Graces, before a second fireball lands on the ship, instantly killing Graecus and destroying and sinking the entire ship. *'''A Barbarian does not die...the equal of a Roman.''' *'''Please! Please!''' **Who: Marcus Proculus **Note: Character says the first line after wounding Atticus. However, Atticus manages to break the blade and tries to use it to kill Proculus, remarking "Let's see if a Roman can die the equal of a gladiator." When Proculus says the second line, struggling to repel the blade, Atticus calls him out on his cowardliness, saying "Gladiators...do...not...beg!" He then succeeds in stabbing Proculus in the neck. *'''WAIT! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE!''' **Who: Senator Quintus Attius Corvus **Note: Character had been chained to the remains of his chariot and abandoned to die by Milo and Cassia. After they escape him, a pyroclastic surge emerges from Mount Vesuvius into the city, consequently incinerating Corvus. *'''For those of us, about to die...we salute you! I die a free man!''' **Who: Atticus **Note: Having killed Proculus, character discovers the surge about to consume him. He proudly meets his fate, saying this line. *'''I don't want to spend our last moments running.''' **Who: Cassia *'''Don't look. Look at me! Just me.''' **Who: Milo **Note: Cassia says her line after she realizes that she and Milo will neither survive nor outrun the surge. Milo comforts and embraces her as the surge engulfs them. ===''Predator'' series=== ====''[[Predator 2]]'' (1990)==== *'''What the fuck are you doing now man?! You're crazy!''' **Who: Ramon Vega **Notes: A Colombian narcotics kingpin at war with the Jamaican Voodoo Posse. In his apartment, the Jamaicans break in and string him up by his legs. He pleads this to the henchman Gold Teeth, but to give a warning to Ramon's friends, Gold Teeth cuts out his heart in a murderous ritual. *'''His foundation lie in the holy mountain, Selah.''' **Who: King Willie **Notes: A Jamaican posse leader, having learned of the Predator's presence in Los Angeles, he says this preparing to duel with the Predator. After an off-screen duel, King Willie is decapitated along with his spinal cord ripped from his body as a trophy. *'''Let's dance!''' **Who: Jerry Lambert **Notes: One of Mike Harrigan's allies in the case inquiring about the Predator in Los Angeles. While evacuating a subway train of civilians, Jerry stays behind and grabs a blade to buy time saying this. Sadly, he is killed moments after that. *'''Get outta here, Harrigan; I'm gonna save your ass. This is between me and him!''' **Who: Peter J. Keyes **Notes: The OWLF team leader trying to capture the Predator who has been hunting worthy game around Los Angeles. In the slaughterhouse, Keyes' team is wiped out when the monster sees through their insulation and UV lights. After an injury by the predator's blaster, Keyes recovers to blast it with liquid nitrogen. He says these to Harrigan ever determined to get his prize alive. However, the Predator retaliates with a Smart Disc slinging it to cut Keys down. ====''Predators'' (2010)==== *'''Finally found me, huh, big dog? What took you so long?''' **Who: Ronald Noland **Notes: He comes face-to-face with a Predator in a crawl space, who blows him up with a plasmacaster. *'''Who's your daddy now, motherfucker? Hunt my dick, bitch! ''[blast]'' Die, you space faggot! Who do you think you're dealing with, hoss? Is that all you've got?!''' **Who: Stans **Notes: He attacks a Predator head on with a knife, but is ultimately overpowered and killed. *'''Help me. I'm one of you.''' **Who: Edwin **Notes: Booby-trapped with grenades to his chest, Edwin blows up and kills a Predator alongside him. ====''The Predator'' (2018)==== *'''Contact! Contact!''' **Who: William Traeger **Notes: While laughing at Baxley's futile efforts to kill the Predator, Casey Bracket manages to yell at Traeger to get his attention. In doing so, turning his head also aimed his armed plasmacaster at his temple, accidentally killing himself by blowing his own head off. *'''Die!''' **Who: Baxley **Notes: Mortally wounded after being impaled by a tree branch, he makes a silent pact with Coyle to shoot and kill each other with their handguns. *'''Baxley!''' **Who: Coyle **Notes: Mortally wounded after being disemboweled, he makes a silent pact with Baxley to shoot and kill each other with their handguns. *'''Fuck!''' **Who: Nettles **Notes: His legs are slashed off by a closing force field on the Predator ship - his remaining body flies off into the forest below. *'''Bro.''' **Who: Gaylord 'Nebraska' Williams **Notes: Sacrifices himself to disable the Predator ship by jumping into the ship's turbine. ===''[[The Prestige (film)|The Prestige]]'' (2006)=== *'''Abracadabra.''' **Who: Alfred Borden/Fallon **Note: Said when asked if he had any last words, before he is hanged for murder. It is later revealed that Borden and Fallon are twin brothers, who alternate between roles as magician and assistant despite being different people, but it is unclear which one was hanged (but it is made clear that the brother who loved Sarah and had a daughter, Jess, with her, is allowed to live and be reunited with the little girl while the one who loved Olivia dies). *'''You never understood...why we did this. The audience knows the truth: the world is simple. It's miserable, solid all the way through. But if you could fool them, even for a second, then you can make them wonder, and then you...then you got to see something really special. You really don't know? It was...it was the look on their faces...''' **Who: Robert Angier **Note: Character is shot by the surviving half of the Borden/Fallon twins, who reveals his trick and suggests that everything Angier did was in vain. Angier says this line before dying. ===''[[The Princess Bride (film)|The Princess Bride]]'' (1987)=== *'''You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha, you fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia", but only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!!!" Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Hahaha-''' **Who: Vizzini **Note: The comment was made triumphantly after "cheating" at a deathmatch of wits involving wine poisoned with iocane powder. Unfortunately, his opponent also cheated: both of the wines were poisoned, and the opponent (The Dread Pirate Roberts) is immune to iocane. *'''Anything you want.''' **Who: Count Rugen **Note: Rugen was promising [[w:Inigo Montoya|Inigo Montoya]] (whose father he had murdered years before), who had him at swordpoint, whatever he wanted in exchange for sparing his life. Inigo replied "I want my father back, you son of a bitch!" before fatally stabbing Rugen. ===''[[w:The Principal|The Principal]]'' (1987)=== *'''I ain't doin' life for anybody. If you wanna kill this piece of shit, you do it your damn self...!''' **Who: Joe "Jo-Jo" **Note: Contradicts this as by killing the titular Principal Rick Latimer will land him and his gang friends to prison for life. Victor Duncan infuriated by this shoots Jo-Jo in the head. ===''[[Public Enemies (2009 film)|Public Enemies]]'' (2009)=== *'''Tell Billie for me...bye-bye, Blackbird.''' **Who: John Dillinger (Johnny Depp) **Note: Dillinger said this to Charles Winstead, who has just fatally shot him. Winstead later related the message to Billie Forchette, for whom it was intended. ===''[[Pulp Fiction]]'' (1994)=== *'''It's in the cupboard. No, no, the one by your kn-knees.''' **Who: Flock-of-Seagulls **Note: After being asked by Jules where their briefcase was, he answers this to Vincent. He doesn't say another thing in the scene and is shortly afterward shot dead by Jules. *'''Yes.''' **Who: Brett **Note: Early in the movie, Vincent and Jules come to Brett's house early in the morning. After a heated argument which leads to Brett's friend, Flock-of-Seagulls, shot dead, and Brett shot in the shoulder, Jules asks Brett if he reads the bible. Brett says this, which leads Jules to quote Ezekiel 25:17. After he concludes the verse, Brett shrieks in terror as Vincent and Jules shoot him multiple times. *'''DIE, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!! DIE!!!''' **Who: Unnamed Man **Note: During the breakfast scene, after Brett is shot dead, a man, who has been hiding in the bathroom bursts out emptying his gun at Jules and Vincent and shouting these words. Jules and Vincent, still standing and unharmed look at the man in surprise before shooting him dead. *'''I don't even have an opinion.''' **Who: Marvin **Note: Marvin said this to Vincent Vega, who asked for his opinion about a discussion Vincent was having with Jules Winnfield. Vincent then accidentally shoots Marvin in the head, killing him. ===''The Punisher'' (1989)=== *Goodbye, Mr. Franco! **Who: Lady Tanaka **Note: A female Yakuza boss wanting to gain territory in America. Having murdered the other mob bosses who's children were kidnapped by her henchmen for ransom and intending to sell them as slaves, she taunts this to Gianni Franco planning to raise Tommy Franco as her own much like her deaf mute adoptive daughter. Just as Tanaka laughs at her triumph, the Punisher barges through and throws a knife into her forehead killing her and extricating Tommy, the last of the abducted mob children. *I must compliment you, Castle. You did something I never dreamed possible; You've wiped out the competition. Thanks to you, there's only me. In five years time, my new organization will be the most powerful crime syndicate on Earth; And that boy who's life you saved will inherit all of it. And the only thing he will have to fear, I'm about to eliminate. You gave me back my son, thank you very much; I'm in your debt. See you in hell, Castle... ''(Tommy Franco: Dad!)'' Tommy! **Who: Gianni Franco **Note: A mob boss who wants to do anything possible to save his kidnapped son Tommy from Lady Tanaka. After their mission is accomplished, Gianni tells Frank Castle a.k.a. The Punisher of his true sinister goals and how he will leave his syndicate in the hands of Tommy. Before he can execute Punisher, Tommy doubles back to check on his father and with this distraction, Punisher fights the mob boss in a final duel. After a brutal fight, Punisher turns Franco's gun on the boss piercing through his bulletproof vest and into his heart. ===''[[Planes (film)]]'' === *'''Holly Cow! Its the whole enemy fleet!''' **Who: Jigsaw **Note: This was the last thing the plane character said before his death by the Japanese Navy. ==Q== ===''[[Quest for Camelot]]'' (1998)=== *'''I will not serve a false king!''' [Ruber: Then serve...a DEAD ONE!] **Who: Sir Lionel ([[Gabriel Byrne|Gabriel Byrne]]) **Note: Said by Sir Lionel as disagreeing with Ruber who wants to become a new king which leads Ruber to a murderous rage, pulls out a mace and makes a lunge for Arthur but Sir Lionel Stepped in the way and was killed by Ruber. *'''Oh no! The Stone!!''' **Who: Ruber ([[Gary Oldman|Gary Oldman]]) **Note: Said by Ruber after Kayley and Garrett trick him by impale Excalibur (which has now fused to his arm earlier) back in the stone. Ruber couldn't pull his fused arm out because he was not the rightful king. The power of the stone reverts Ruber's henchman back to normal, heals King Arthur and disintegrates Ruber and also restoring Excalibur. ==R== ===''Rambo series''=== ====''[[First Blood]]''==== *'''Hold it steady! Come on!''' **Who: Art Galt **Notes: Trying to snipe Rambo from a helicopter, Galt says this over Teasle's radioing that he wants to capture Rambo. But, the war veteran throws a rock at the helicopter and results in Galt falling out to his death. ===''[[Rampage (2018 film)|Rampage]]'' (2018)=== *'''Open it!''' **Who: Dr. Kerry Atkins **Note: A researcher aboard Athena-1. When a monstrous sized rat is on the loose, she procures samples of the monster pathogen, and pleads this to open the escape pod. She ejects but the rat had scraped the glass, so her descent to Earth ends with her being immolated. *'''Light him up!''' ''[Burke's helicopter gives cover fire on Ralph, but the monstrous wolf converges on the helicopter]'' '''Incoming!''' **Who: Burke **Note: A mercenary hired by Claire Wyden to capture Ralph, he orders covering fire and tries to warn his crew when Ralph leaps for the chopper, but all aboard are killed. Burke is then cornered by the monstrous wolf who drips saliva on him, and he is unable to fight back, thus he is eaten alive. *'''What the hell are you doing?!''' [Kate Caldwell: Feeding the monster to the gorilla!] ''[George the gorilla picks up Claire and the suitcase containing the antidote and drops them into his mouth]'' '''OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' **Who: Claire Wyden **Note: The corrupt CEO of Energyne. When Caldwell and Davis turn the tables on her, George picks her up along with the antidote to bring him back to his senses and eats them both alive. *'''That's my pleasure, I hate that thing!''' **Who: Brett Wyden **Note: Claire's idiot brother. At the lobby of the Energyne building, he has to surrender to Agent Russell his laptop which will have the evidence to convict Energyne as well as a rat he was going to experiment on. He says this due to his hatred of rats and just when he gets outside, falling debris crushes him to a bloody pulp. Agent Russell calls this death "Oh damn. That was a lot." ===''A Rat's Tale'' (1997)=== *Nick: ''[grunting]'' Tom: '''Can you see anything?''' Nick: '''No! Nothing, just dust!''' ''[pants, grunts]'' Tom: '''Oh. Mrs. Jellybelly?''' Nick: '''Ohh...''' Nick: '''We'll fix it later.''' [Evelyn Jellybelly: Sure you will. You can't fool me; I know what you're doing.] Nick: '''Well... we're after one of these, uh, h--horrible rats.''' Tom: '''Yeah.''' [Evelyn Jellybelly: And my wonderful money. ''[looks down at her three-iron golf club lying on the floor and picks it up, becoming furious]'' My three-iron?!] Nick: '''Yeah.''' [Evelyn Jellybelly: Look what you've done! I've had it with you two! You're fired...] Nick: '''Mrs. Jellybelly--''' [Evelyn Jellybelly: ...both of you.] Nick: '''No, chill out.''' [Evelyn Jellybelly: ''[raises her three-iron]'' Get out!] Tom and Nick: '''Please, listen!''' [Evelyn Jellybelly: You're the real rats! Get out!] Tom: '''Don't!''' [Evelyn Jellybelly: Get!] Tom and Nick: '''Wait!''' Tom: '''Let's--''' [Evelyn Jellybelly: GET OUT!!!] Tom: '''Stop!''' Tom and Nick: '''Mrs. Jellybelly--''' [Evelyn Jellybelly: And don't... ''[punches Nick with her three-iron]'' come back! You're out of the art world!] Nick: ''[to Tom]'' '''That was ''your'' idea!''' Tom: ''[to Nick]'' '''Was not!''' **Who: Nick and Tom ===''[[Ray (film)|Ray]]'' (2004)=== *'''I'm a giant!''' **Who: George Robinson **Notes: Ray's little brother George is playing around his mother's washtub, but he slips and falls into it and drowns. Ray thinks he is joking around at first before realizing too late that he is in distress. ===''[[w:The Recruit|The Recruit]]'' (2003)=== *'''You gotta give me one thing. I'm a scary judge of talent.''' **Who: Walter Burke **Notes: Character realizes that James Clayton had tricked him into confessing by making him think that the CIA had heard his revealing his guilt in the warehouse. He begins to make a move, possibly to provoke the agents who are pointing their guns at him to shoot him, and is shot dead. ===''[[Ready Player One (film)|Ready Player One]]'' (2018)=== ====Avatars==== ''Note: When avatars die in the OASIS, referred to as being "zeroed out", they can come back to life, but their character progression is reset and all their goods removed.'' *'''It's fucking Chucky!''' **Who: Sixer #1 **Note: Character says this line as Wade threw Chucky at the Sixer, during the Battle of Castle Anorak on Planet Doom. Chucky then zeroes the Sixer, and a few others, out with a knife. *'''First to the Egg!''' **Who: Daito **Note: Character had damaged Sorrento's Mechagodzilla in his giant robot mode, but runs out of time in this form and is left at the robotic dinosaur's mercy. He remarks this line and gives it the middle finger before Mechagodzilla zeroes him out with blue fire breath. *'''Shit. It's her.''' *Step three! **Who: Nolan Sorrento **Note: Character says the first line upon seeing Art3mis, who then throws a bomb into Sorrento's Mechagodzilla control room, zeroing Sorrento and destroying the bionic dino. However, Sorrento's avatar comes back to life soon afterwards. He says the second line before detonating the Cataclyst, zeroing out all remaining avatars on Planet Doom (except Parzival due to an extra life). *'''[Thumbs up]''' **Who: Aech's Iron Giant **Note: The Iron Giant had his hands damaged by i-R0k's gun while helping Wade, Art3mis and Sho across a river of lava. Sho incapacitates i-R0k, allowing the group to reach land, but the giant's grip gives way and it falls into the lava, giving Wade a "thumbs up" in the process instead of saying a word, a reference to ''[[Terminator 2: Judgement Day]]'' (1990). *'''No, Wade, no!''' **Who: Art3mis/Samantha Cook **Note: Character said this line upon seeing Wade intending to shoot her avatar so she can escape IOI in real life. Before doing so, Wade says "You'll forgive me for this, I promise," an allusion to what she had said to him earlier. *'''What is that?!''' **Who: Sixer #2 **Note: Character says this line when Wade throws his Holy Hand Grenade at him and hundreds of other Sixers. The grenade then goes off, zeroing out the Sixers and destroying all but one of their portals, allowing Wade and Sho further into the castle. *'''YEAH! I won!''' **Who: Atari Sixer **Note: Character had become the first Sixer to survive on ice for more than a minute while playing an Atari game, hinting that it was the right game to complete the third quest, and eventually won the game. However, he zeroed out anyway, as the goal was not to win, but to find the game's own Easter Egg. *'''I'm not going out like that! That's a camper move! You don't even know how to activate an orb!''' **Who: i-R0k **Note: Character says this line in an attempt to prevent Sorrento from activating the Cataclyst, instigating a fight between Sorrento and Parzival. i-R0k escapes during the fight, but is still caught up in the Cataclyst detonation. ====Humans==== *'''Goodbye, Parzival. Thanks. Thanks for playing my game.''' **Who: James Halliday **Note: Although Halliday has been dead for five years, a projection of him in the house where he grew up, is seen in the OASIS at the end of the quest. After giving Wade the Easter Egg, he says this line and walks out of the room, closing the door behind him, ending the quest, and no other Halliday projections are said to have been seen since. ===''[[The Real Macaw (film)|The Real Macaw]]'' (1998)=== *'''536, 537, 538, 539! Five-hundred...and forty.''' **Who: The Pirate Who Bird-napped Mac *'''YOU!''' **Who: Dr. Lance Hagen ===''[[Red Dawn]]'' (1984)=== *'''What's going on here, my friend?''' **Who: Mr. Teasdale **Note: A school teacher in Calumet, Colorado, he questions the Soviet paratroopers and is shot dead by one of the paratroopers. *'''BOYS!!! AVENGE ME!!! AVEEEENGE ME!!!!!!''' **Who: Tom Eckert **Note: The father of Jed and Matt Eckert. Knowing he's going to die in the re-education camp, he bis this to his sons. Moments later, he is shot to death by the Soviet firing squad. ===''[[Red Dragon (film)|Red Dragon]]'' (2002)=== *'''I-I-I wanna understand, I do. and I'm-- I'm really gonna be fair from now on. You know that. OH, GOD, NO!''' **Who: [[w:Freddy Lounds|Freddy Lounds]] *'''Drop it. Do it now, gumshoe. Your son is about to change. Then your wife. You can watch, then I'll take care of you.''' **Who: [[w:Francis Dolarhyde|Francis Dolarhyde]] ===''[[The Red Shoes (1948 film)|The Red Shoes]] (1948)''=== *'''Take off the Red Shoes...''' **Who: Victoria Page **Notes: Said to her lover Julian Craster when she is his by a train (whether by accidentally or compulsory by the Red Shoes) aware that she will not live to see another sunrise. ===''[[Red Sonja (1985 film)|Red Sonja]]'' (1985)=== *'''O God of the high Gods...behold the talisman with which you created the world and all things. O God of Gods...it has become too powerful for us...and we must destroy it before it destroys the world. Forgive us now as we send it out of the light...from which it draws its power...into eternal darkness. Forgive us.''' **Who: Kendra the High Priestess **Notes: Said when attempting to seal away the Talisman into forever darkness so it can never be misused to destroy the world. However, Gedren's henchman Ikol throws a sharp throwing star and kills her. Although her priestesses fight back, it is powerless against Gedren's forces who steal the Talisman. *'''Sonja...Thank god...I lived long enough...The Talisman's stolen...! All the priests massacred...We fought-''' [Sonja: Rest, Vaarna. Later we'll talk.] '''There's no time. Listen; The Talisman has terrible power which grows in the light. In thirteen days, it could destroy the world by storm...and earthquake...You must destroy the Talisman, Sonja...! Send it into darkness, swear that you will...''' [Sonja: I swear. Who took it?] '''I don't know...There was a woman in a gold mask, soldiers...''' **Who: Vaarna **Notes: Said when telling Sonja of the stolen Talisman when Kalidor arrived too late to save her and the priestesses. She dies warning of Gedren and her henchmen. Sonja cremates her at nightfall. *'''I will tell the future in your entrails, red woman!''' **Who: Brytag **Notes: Said during his swordfight with Sonja who replies "I know my future, you have none!" After a brutal fight, Sonja pierces her sword through his chest and kills him leaving her to deal with his gang. *'''I'm afraid Your Highness' growth is going to be stunted...permanently!''' **Who: Ikol **Notes: Said while fighting Prince Tarn. When he knows he cannot win, Ikol tries to escape with stolen gold, but Tarn lodges his sword into the gate which crushes Ikol to a pulp. *'''Up here, Sonja. Up here.''' **Who: Queen Gedren **Notes: The evil queen who wants to rule the world using a Talisman said to make or destroy worlds. She says this during her fight with Sonja. She says nothing else after that while fighting a last stand in the Chamber of Lights. In the end, Sonja pierces her with her sword sending her falling into a sea of lava and destroys the Talisman while Gedren's palace inevitably caves in. ===''[[Red Tails]]''=== *'''I'm Sorry Sofia.''' **Who: Lightning **Notes: Lightning got himself killed on a head on attack on Pretty boy due to Pretty Boys Me-262 shot Lightning to death. *'''DIE, YOU FOOLISH AFRICAN!!!''' **Who: Pretty Boy **Notes: The words were spoken in german while the movie translate the words into english. Pretty boy died by Lightning shooting him till his Me-262 explodes. ===''[[w:The Replacement Killers|The Replacement Killers]]'' (1998)=== *'''Meg, it doesn't...''' **Who: Michael Kogan **Notes: Mr. Wei's top henchman hunting for John Lee. He hoped Meg would save time by shooting herself in the head in their final confrontation, but is fooled by a decoy. Meg then says she will shoot him in the head, and Kogan tries to explain this, but is gunned down. Meg then tells him "I didn't think so." *'''The boy will die, John. As will as your family.''' **Who: Terence Wei **Notes: As John Lee confronts the crime boss on a fire staircase, Mr. Wei warns John his family and Zedkov's boy will still be killed, but John tells him "Not in your lifetime." then shoots him, sending the crime boss falling to his death. ===''[[Repo Man (film)|Repo Man]]'' (1984)=== *'''What'cha got in the trunk?''' [J. Frank Parnell: Oh, you don't wanna look in there.] ''[after a pause]'' '''Gimme the keys.''' **Who: Highway patrol officer **Note: Said after pulling Parnell over. He opens the trunk of the Chevy Malibu and is immediately disintegrated. *'''The lights are growing dim. I know a life of crime led me to this sorry fate...And yet, I blame society. Society made me what I am.''' [Otto: Bullshit! You're a white suburban punk, just like me!] '''But it still hurts...''' **Who: Duke **Note: Character had been in a shootout and was shot multiple times. He dies from his wounds. *'''Hey Debbie! Watch this!''' **Who: Archie **Note: Said while about to open the unusually hot trunk of a car. Archie is immediately disintegrated by the trunk's contents. *'''Why should I feel funny? The two hemispheres are fundamentally at odds. Hemisphere, hemisphere. It's strange, I do feel funny...''' **Who: J. Frank Parnell **Note: Character dies from exposure to radiation for extended periods of time. ===''[[w:Repo! The Genetic Opera|Repo! The Genetic Opera]]'' (2008)=== *'''Chromaggia, Come take these eyes...! I would rather be BLIND!''' **Who: Blind Mag **Note: Says this after finishing the song 'Chromaggia' and gouges her eyes out after she says this line. Dies when Rotti Largo cuts the rope that was suspending her in the air, impaling her on a prop fence. ===''[[Reservoir Dogs]]'' (1992)=== *'''Have some fire, scarecrow.''' **Who: Mr. Blonde/"Toothpick" Vic Vega **Note: Mr. Blonde says this as he prepares to burn Marvin Nash, a cop he'd kidnapped and bound, to death. He is then repeatedly shot and killed by Mr. Orange, himself an undercover cop. *'''I can't see. I've gone blind.''' **Who: Mr. Brown **Note: Mr. Brown says this after being shot in the head and when blood drips into his eyes. He dies of his injury a few minutes later. *'''Larry, stop pointing that fucking gun at my dad!!!''' **Who: "Nice Guy" Eddie Cabot **Note: Eddie says this to Mr. White, who is holding Eddie's father, Joe, at gunpoint for attempting to kill Mr. Orange. After Mr. White shoots Joe, Eddie shoots him and is fatally shot by the wounded Mr. White. *'''You don't need proof when you got instinct. I ignored it before but no more.''' **Who: Joe Cabot **Note: Joe says this after Mr. White demands proof that Mr. Orange is an undercover cop, and him and his son are both killed in the ensuing standoff between Joe, Eddie, and Mr. White. *'''Sorry, kid, but it looks like we're gonna do a little time.''' **Who: Mr. White/Larry Demmick **Note: Mr. White says this to Mr. Orange, after they have both been shot, referring to the fact that they are criminals and the police are on their way. When Mr. Orange admits he is a cop, a devastated Mr. White apparently kills him by shooting him, and is apparently killed himself by Mr. Orange's friends and colleagues on the force. ===[[w:Resident Evil (film series)|''Resident Evil'']] film series=== :''See [[Last words in Resident Evil|last words in ''Resident Evil'']].'' ===''[[w:Return to Oz|Return to Oz]]'' (1985)=== *'''Don't you...know...that...eggs...are poison?''' [Billina: Poison indeed!] '''Poison...poison...to Nomes...''' **Who: [[w:The Nome King|The Nome King]] **Note: Character was attempting to eat Dorothy and her friends, only to have an egg dropped into his throat by Billina, Dorothy's pet chicken. As the quote indicates, eggs are poisonous to the Nome race, and the Nome King crumbles away after swallowing it. ===''[[w:Right at Your Door|Right at Your Door]]'' (2006)=== *'''I'm still alive, you fucking assholes! I'm still alive!''' **Who: Brad ([[w:Rory Cochrane|Rory Cochrane]]) **Note: He is told by government agents that his house has turned into a breeding ground for a lethal toxin because he sealed up his house, not allowing any new air to circulate in. They seal his house shut while he's still inside, and spray the whole house with chemicals, killing Brad. ===''[[w:Righteous Kill|Righteous Kill]]'' (2008)=== *'''You a good man, Tom. You a good man. I know it was you. I was you. Thank you makes sense.''' **Who: Rooster **Note: Character is shot by his partner, Turk. He dies after saying this line. ===''[[w:Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky|Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky]]'' (1991)=== *'''Don't kill me! Don't kill me!''' **Who: Rogan **Note: Says this as Ricky chops off his leg and breaks his arms to ensure Rogan can never kill again. It is unknown if Rogan died or not since he is later seen alive. *'''Someone gave me 30 lb. of rice to finish you and turn you into mince meat and put you in a pie!''' **Who: Zorro **Note: Says this to Ricky who promptly rams his fist into Zorro's stomach and ripping it out. *'''Warden, no!!''' **Who: Assistant Warden Dan **Note: Says this to the Warden after he is shot by a gas pressured bullet. Seconds later, Dan blows up. *'''We'll die together.''' **Who: Oscar **Note: Says this to Ricky after performing sepukku on himself. Oscar then reaches into his wound and attempts to strangle Ricky with his own intestines, but fails. Ricky then punches Oscar in the face with such force that it kills him. *'''Ricky...I can't do it. Goddammit, I'll see you later.''' **Who: Tarzan **Note: Says this as he saves Ricky from being crushed by a moving ceiling, at the cost of Tarzan's life. *'''Ricky! Come on, show me what you got!''' **Who: The Prison Warden **Note: The prison Warden, revealed to be a skilled martial artist, says this to Ricky. Ricky later throws the Warden into a meat grinder. *'''Sir, sir! Wait!! Please, sir! Wait, sir!''' **Who: Omar **Note: Says this to police officers after they canceled his parole. Omar is later seen dead after hanging himself. *'''Zorro, get him! I'm betting on you!''' *Who: Samuel **Note: Samuel tells Zorro to kill Ricky. Ricky easily kills Zorro, then he punches Samuel's ribs out. ===''[[Road House]]'' (1989)=== *'''It's OVER!''' **Who: Brad Wesley **Note: Dalton's bullying and greedy neighbor. After an intense final battle in his home, Dalton stops himself from killing him. Doc arrives then Wesley yells this trying to kill Dalton with a gun. But then, Red, Emmett, Stroudenmire, and Tilghman arrive and riddle him with gunfire. Tilghman then reminds Wesley "This is our town, and don't you forget it." before finishing him with a shotgun round that sends the villain crashing through a table, dead. ===''[[Road to Perdition]]'' (2002)=== *'''I'm glad it's you.''' **Who: John Rooney *'''Give me the gun.''' ** Who: Harlen Maguire *'''I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.''' **Who: Frank Sullivan Sr. ===''[[RoboCop]]'' ([[1987]])=== *'''Buddy, I think you're slime.''' **Who: Officer Alex J. Murphy **Note: Said to notorious crime lord Clarence Boddicker, who, along with his gang, guns down Murphy afterwards. Murphy is later resurrected as RoboCop. *'''Whatever he's paying you, I'll double it right now.''' **Who: Bob Morton **Note: Said when his legs are shot by Boddicker and tries to bargain with Dick Jones to save his own life. Dick Jones had recorded a message saying he means to assassinate Bob. Boddicker unpins a grenade and leaves it on the coffee table. Morton tries to in vain to get the grenade away and is killed in the blast. *'''Just kidding.''' **Who: Sal Luccione **Note: Said after almost provoking a shootout between his gang and Clarence Boddicker's in his drug factory. When RoboCop arrives to capture Boddicker, Sal and many of his goons including Boddicker's gang fire on RoboCop in vain. In an intense gunfight, RoboCop kills or wounds many of Sal's thugs, Frankie who is gunned down by RoboCop accidentally kills his own boss with his machine gun. *'''Oh, fuck you!''' **Who: Steve Minh **Note: Said before engaging RoboCop in a one-sided gunfight at Sal's drug factory. RoboCop kills Minh in the fight causing him to incapacitate Joe Cox who was also accompanying their boss Boddicker. *'''I got him Clarence! I got him-!” **Who: Leon Nash **Note: After using a giant crane to drop a ton of scrap metal on RoboCop and incapacitating him, Leon yells and cheers, believing to have killed RoboCop. His triumph is short lived as he celebrates his successful attack and is killed mid-sentence by Officer Anne Lewis with Clarence's fallen Cobra assault rifle. *'''''Sayonara,'' RoboCop!''' **Who: Clarence Boddicker **Note: Said before he is stabbed in the neck by RoboCop, killing him. *'''Get up! I want a chopper! ''Now!'' We will walk through the roof very calmly. I will board the chopper with my hostage. Anybody tries to stop me...the old geezer gets it!''' **Who: Dick Jones **Note: Said after he sees a recording of himself saying "I had to kill Bob Morton because he made a mistake. Now, it's time to erase that mistake." twice, and he holds the Old Man hostage, and threatens to kill the Old Man if someone tries stopping him. But he is fired by the Old Man, causing "Directive 4" to be deleted, having RoboCop say "Thank you," to the Old Man who elbows Jones, then Jones is shot by RoboCop and falls through a window of the OCP building to his death. ====''[[RoboCop 2]]''==== *[RoboCop: Lie still.] '''I'm cold.''' [RoboCop: You are going into shock. I will call for a medical emergency unit.] ''[RoboCop starts to turn away, but Hob grabs his hand]'' '''Wait, no. Don't leave me.''' [RoboCop: I won't leave you. Who did this?] '''It was big...bigger than you. It was Cain. I'm gonna die. You know what that's like, don't you? It really sucks.''' [RoboCop: Yes.] **Who: Hob **Note: Said to RoboCop, who discovers him dying from gunshot wounds after being attacked by his old boss Cain, reborn as the cyborg Robocop 2. ====''[[w:RoboCop 3|RoboCop 3]]''==== *'''In 15 seconds, everything within 20 yards of where we're standing will be atomized. We're DEAD, YOU STUPID SLAG!''' **Who: Paul McDaggett **Notes: The corrupt leader of the Rehabs, Paul McDaggett reminds Dr. Lazarus that the Otomo androids have a thermal fail-safe self-destruct mechanism. After he gloats they can all die together, RoboCop taunts "Don't count on it, chum!" then burns the Rehab leader's legs, and flies to safety with Nikko and Lazarus. However, McDaggett tries to stop the self-destruct and fails, thus he is vaporized in the blast, ===''[[The Rock (film)|The Rock]]'' (1996)=== *'''Lemme outta here, oh God! LEMME OUTTA HERE, OH GOD! LEMME OUTTA HERE!''' **Who: Marine who dies **Notes: During the non-lethal raid on the VX missile stockpile, a VX missile is loosened and the orbs spill out. Baxter manages to get his other comrades to safety, but this Marine who was closest is locked in the vault. He tries to call out these in vain, but dies a most painful death from the VX gas. *'''I'll have that sidearm, sir.''' **Who: Sgt. Crisp **Notes: One of the rogue marines in Gen. Hummel's gang. When the plan to bluff San Francisco goes wrong, Crisp takes Darrow's side and attempts to confiscate Hummel's sidearm. He is then shot dead in the Mexican Standoff. *'''It has been the greatest honor of my life to serve with you, General. But like he said, It's over.''' **Who: Sgt. Baxter **Notes: Hummel's loyal bodyguard in his Marine gang. In the Mexican Standoff with the traitors, Darrow and Frye, Baxter regretfully says this and shoots Darrow, before being shot dead. *'''Lower lighthouse...''' **Who: General Francis X. Hummel **Notes: The leader of the gang of rogue marines who wanted to scare San Francisco under the threat of VX gas missiles. When he is betrayed by Darrow and Frye, Hummel is shot and badly wounded. When asked by Stanley Goodspeed where to find the final VX rocket, Hummel replies this and dies of his injuries. *'''I don't like softass shit!''' [Goodspeed: Well I only bring that up because it's you; You're the Rocket Man.] ''[Darrow gets hit by the final rocket]'' '''NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!''' **Who: Captain Darrow **Notes: A marine Captain in Hummel's gang who wants to takeover and poison San Francisco anyway. Confronting Goodpseed in the lower lighthouse where the final VX Rocket is located, the doctor asks if the rogue captain likes music such as Elton John's Rocket Man. Darrow simply replies this. With this distraction, Goodspeed fires the last rocket at Darrow. While the final rocket without its guidance chip or VX payload crashes into the bay, Darrow is impaled on a post outside. *'''I'm gonna choke my million bucks outta you! YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!!!''' **Who: Captain Frye **Notes: After Stanley Goodspeed disarms the last VX rocket, the FBI doctor has a last duel with Captain Frye, and is at a disadvantage until Goodspeed makes the traitorous marine bite a VX orb, giving him a painful death. ===''[[Rock & Rule]]'' (1983)=== *'''One heart, one song. But there is no-one!!''' **Who: Mok **Notes: Mok was thrown down into the portal by Toad while Angel and Omar singing. ===The ''[[Rocky (film series)|Rocky]]'' film series=== ====''[[Rocky III]]'' (1982)==== *'''I love ya, kid. I love ya. Your instinct...''' **Who: Mickey Goldmill **Note: A mentor and father figure to main character Rocky Balboa, Mickey made these his last words to him with his very last breath. ====''[[Rocky IV]]'' (1985)==== *'''You don't stop this fight, no matter what. No matter what!''' **Who: Apollo Creed **Note: Said to Rocky Balboa, who has just said to Creed "He's killing ya. I gotta stop this thing" during Creed's bout with Ivan Drago. Of Apollo's death, Drago responds with the infamous line "If he dies, he dies." ===''[[The Rocky Horror Picture Show]]'' (1975)=== *''[sung]'' '''Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that Rock n Roll!''' **Who: Eddie **Note: Said during his song ''Hot Patootie (What Ever Happened to Saturday Night)'', after which, he notices that the movie's villain, Dr. Frank-n-Furter, is coming after him with an ice pick. He runs away from Frank, but is cornered and killed by him. *'''No...No...NO! NO! No! NOO!!!!''' **Who: Dr. Frank-n-Furter **Note: After his song ''I'm Going Home'', his servants Riff Raff and Magenta inform him that he will not join them back to Transexual. they then kill him with a laser gun. ===''[[Romeo + Juliet]]'' (1996)=== *'''A plague on both your houses.''' **Who: Mercutio **Note: Tybalt slashes Mercutio in the chest when Romeo tries to break up the fight. *'''Thus with a kiss I die.''' **Who: Romeo **Note: Character commits suicide by taking poison after seeing Juliet in her crypt. He realizes she is alive, only too late. He dies after saying this line to Juliet. In Shakespeare's original, she does not wake until after he has died. *'''Thy lips are warm, bastard.''' **Who: Juliet **Note: Although she kisses Romeo with the objective of dying from the poison on his lips, he dies presently after the kiss. In order to quicken her death, she shoots herself with Romeo's gun. ===''[[w:Runaway (1984 American film)|Runaway]]'' (1984)=== *'''That's good, Ramsay, but not good enough! Enjoy the view?''' **Who: Dr. Charles Luther **Note: Taunts this to his nemesis Ramsay knowing his view of the construction site may be his last. But Ramsay starts the lift struggling with the mad scientist and sends him falling close to his small, spider-like robots that fry him with their acid. Ramsay makes one final attempt to attack but fails and his robots self-destruct making doubly sure he is dead. ===''[[The Rundown]]'' (2003)=== *'''Oh...shit...''' **Who: Corneilious Hatcher ===''[[The Running Man (1987 film)|The Running Man]]'' (1987)=== *'''Richards, I love my saw. This saw's part of me! And I'm gonna make it part of YOU!''' **Who: Buzzsaw **Note: Said while attempting to cut down Ben Richards with his trademark buzzsaw, but the former authoritarian cop turning Running Man turns his own weapon against him. When asked happened to him, Richards simply says "He had to split." *'''Don't wanna be the only asshole in heaven.''' **Who: William Laughlin ([[w:Yaphet Kotto|Yaphet Kotto]]) *'''My gasline! My gasline! Cut to commercial, cut to commercial!''' **Who: Fireball **Note: Said after Richards disables and leaks his flamethrower gas. Richards taunt offers "How 'bout a light" and throws a lit flare, burning Fireball alive. Richards then gloats "What a hothead." *'''I'll show dickless!''' **Who: Dynamo **Note: Said while attempting to amuse himself at the expense of Amber Mendez whom he tried to molest earlier in the game zone. But Amber shoots the sprinklers and fries the electric-suited Stalker. *'''You bastard! DROP DEAD!''' [Richards: I don't do requests.] '''NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' **Who: Damon Killian **Note: Said after his speech about Americans loving television. After this, Richards traps him on his sled that sends contestants out to the game zone, and with no safety net the sled flies into a Cadre Cola billboard blowing up Killian as Richards quips "Well, that hit the spot!" ===[[w:Rush Hour (film series)|''Rush Hour'']] films=== ====''[[Rush Hour]]'' (1998)==== *'''Fight like a man!''' **Who: Sang **Notes: Speaking to James Carter, who he had earlier attacked while they were surrounded by Sang's friends, causing Carter to label him a coward who would never fight like a man aka one-on-one. When Carter and Sang later draw guns on each other, Sang suggests they both drop their guns and have the one-on-one fight Carter had wanted, delibrately repeating the taunt Carter had used. When they both drop their guns however, Sang pulls out another one and takes a shot at Carter, who ducks and likewise pulls out another gun of his own and shoots Sang with it, killing him. ====''[[Rush Hour 2]]'' (2001)==== *'''Greed will imprison us all.''' **Who: Steven Reign **Note: Character is saying the morale of an old Chinese story. He is stabbed by Ricky Tan after completing this sentence. *'''Come on!''' **Who: Ricky Tan **Note: Said while trying to provoke Chief Inspector Lee to shoot him. Lee is momentarily distracted by James Carter, and a struggle ensues for the gun, which ends with Tan being kicked out of a window, falling to his death. ====''[[Rush Hour 3]]'' (2007)==== *'''Goodbye Lee.''' **Who: Kenji **Note: Said before breaking Lee's grip on his hand and plunging to his death. *'''Yes. And you two just killed this girl, blew her brains out.''' **Who: Varden Reynard **Note: Said when he intends to lie to the police that Lee and Carter had shot Genevieve/Shy Shen dead, but is shot dead himself by George the taxi driver at the last moment. ==S== ===''[[w:Saboteur (film)|Saboteur]]'' (1942)=== *'''KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!''' **Who: Frank Fry **Note: The titular Saboteur behind the fire. He falls from the Statue of Liberty and though Barry tries to save him so he can face justice, his grip on Fry's suit fails causing the saboteur to cry this as he falls to his death. ===''[[w:Samson and Delilah (1949 film)|Samson and Delilah]]'' (1949)=== *'''Father!''' **Who: Semadar **Note: Character says this during the wedding party turned to chaos when her father is hit by Targil. Targil chucks a spear and kills her instantaneously. *'''I will not be afraid.''' **Who: Delilah **Note: Character says this as she takes Samson to the pillars holding the Saran's temple. Having been blessed with one final ounce of strength by God, Samson pushes the pillars with enough force to cave in the temple, killing everyone inside including himself and Delilah. *'''My eyes have seen thy glory, o God. Now let me die with my enemies.''' **Who: Samson **Note: Character says this during his torture and gathers his last ounce of strength granted by God to collapse the pillars of the Saran's temple causing it to cave in and kill everyone inside including himself and Delilah. *'''Delilah.''' **Who: Saran of Gaza **Note: Character says this to Delilah as Samson caves in the temple then the statue falls onto him fatally. ===''[[San Andreas (film)|San Andreas]]'' (2015)=== *'''NO! NO! Close your eyes. God!''' **Who: Dr. Kim Park **Note: Character says this line to his friend, Dr. Lawrence Hayes, to prevent Hayes from helping him after having got his foot impaled during an earthquake. He tells a young girl to close her eyes so she doesn't see his death. The tremor collapses the Hoover Dam, taking him with it. *'''Here you go.''' **Who: Daniel Riddick's Driver **Note: Said before he begins driving Daniel and Blake through a parking garage, but an earthquake kills him. *'''Where?''' **Who: Security guard **Note: Said after being informed by Daniel that Blake is trapped, but another aftershock kills the guard almost instantly. *'''This way!''' **Who: Larissa **Note: Said moments before she dies among those who are in the Tate Weston building. *'''Get out of my way!''' **Who: Susan Riddick **Note: Said before she falls off the Tate Weston building to her death. *'''I'll be needing that truck.''' **Who: A gunman **Note: Said as he holds Ray at gunpoint to steal a truck before he does. Ray then knocks him out in two good punches and remarks "Not today." Even as a second, larger earthquake strikes California later on, the gunman may not have died, and even if he did, these may not have been his last words. *'''Get out of my way!''' **Who: Daniel Riddick **Note: Said during a scuffle at an earthquake shelter during an aftershock in San Francisco. He isn't seen saying any other lines afterwards, and is later killed when a tsunami causes a cargo ship to snap the Golden Gate Bridge, crushing Daniel with a container and killing everyone else on the bridge. ===''[[Saving Private Ryan]]'' (1998)=== *'''No, I'm out.''' **Who: Corporal Henderson **Note: In response to Mellish who asks him if he has any spare .30 caliber rounds; German soldiers shoot through the wall and a bullet hits Henderson in the throat, killing him. *'''PARKER, GET OUT!''' **Who: Private Daniel Jackson ([[w: Barry Pepper|Barry Pepper]]) **Note: Said right before a Panzer tank shoots the clock tower down, where Parker and Jackson were positioned. *'''No! No! Stop, stop, stop! Just listen to me! Listen to me! No...Ack...ack...''' **Who: Private Stanley Mellish ([[w: Adam Goldberg|Adam Goldberg]]) **Note: Last words after engaging in to hand-to-hand combat with a German soldier, then being pinned down by the soldier who slowly pushes a knife into Mellish's heart. *'''It's a letter to my dad...it's got blood on it..''' **Who: Private Adrian Carpazo ([[w: Vin Diesel|Vin Diesel]]) **Note: Last words after being shot by a German sniper, he tries to show Mellish his letter, telling him to send it for him. He ends up bleeding to death. *'''Momma, momma, momma, momma...''' **Who: Medic Irwin Wade ([[w:Giovanni Ribisi|Giovanni Ribisi]]) **Note: After being wounded by a grenade, the rest of the group tries to keep him alive but are unsuccessful. * '''I'm all right...I just got the wind knocked out of me, that's all...''' **Who: Technical Sergeant Mike Horvath ([[w:Tom Sizemore|Tom Sizemore]]) **Note: Is shot multiple times and ends up dying from his wounds. *'''Earn this, James...earn it.''' **Who: Captain John Miller ([[w:Tom Hanks|Tom Hanks]]) **Notes: Statement to Private James Ryan ([[w:Matt Damon|Matt Damon]]), whom Miller and many of his men had perished in an attempt to save. James interprets this as an exhortation to be as good of a person as he can. ===''[[Saw (franchise)|Saw]]'' series=== :''See [[last words in Saw media|last words in ''Saw'' media]].'' ===''[[Scarface (1983 film)|Scarface]]'' (1983)=== *'''Callate...!''' (Shut up...!) **Who: Alberto the Shadow ([[w: Mark Margolis|Mark Margolis]]) **Note: Said when preparing to detonate the car bomb that would kill not only the journalist seeking to expose Sosa, but also his wife and daughters. Tony Montana refuses to endanger innocents and instead shoots Alberto in the head, botching the assassination mission and thus turning his back on Sosa's drug empire. *'''Tony.''' **Who: Manny Ribera ([[w: Steven Bauer|Steven Bauer]]) **Note: Said after answering the door for Tony. Tony then sees Gina is with him, and he angerly shoots him twice in the chest. *'''Fuck me Tony, come on, just fuck me!''' **Who: Gina Montana ([[w:Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio|Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio]]) **Note: She assumes that since Tony does not want any other man with her, he wants her all to himself. She attempts to kill Tony, but is then shot by one of Alejandro Sosa's men. *'''No. Nooo. NOOOOOO!''' **Who: Frank Lopez ([[w:Robert Loggia|Robert Loggia]]) **Note: After being disarmed by Tony, he begs for his life. Tony says he won't kill him, and Frank is grateful, until Tony hands the gun over to Manny and orders him to shoot him. *'''Tony! Tony! Tonio open the...''' **Who: Chi Chi ([[w:Ángel Salazar|Ángel Salazar]]) **Note: Unable to hold off Sosa's men, Chi Chi tries to get Tony to open the door to safety, but Tony does not answer, as he is grieving Gina's death. He is the shot by one of Sosa's men. *'''Fuck you!''' **Who: Mel Bernstein ([[w:Harris Yulin|Harris Yulin]]) **Note: After being exposed in being involved in a plot to kill Tony, Tony shoots him non-fatally, and Bernstein attempts to negotiate with Tony. Tony refuses, and shoots him. *'''I'm still standin', huh! Fuck! Come on! I take your fuckin' bullet! Come on! Go ahead! I take your fuckin' bullet! You think you kill me with bullet? I take your fuckin' bullet! Go ahead!''' **Who: Tony Montana ([[Al Pacino]]) **Note: He is shouting defiantly (under the influence of cocaine) at his would-be assassins after having been shot by them several times, and is shot in the back immediately afterwards by Sosa's deadliest assassin, The Skull. ===''[[Scary Movie]]'' (2000)=== *'''Ain't nobody stabbing me!''' **Who: Ray **Note: After stabbing Bobby multiple times, he is stabbed by The Killer right after saying this. *'''You wanna take a hit of this?''' **Who: Shorty **Note: After being shot by Bobby in the lungs, he inhales some smoke seeping out of his wound and ask Cindy if she wants to take a puff. He then dies. ===''[[Schindler's List]]'' (1993)=== *'''Heil Hitler.''' **Who: [[w: Amon Goeth|Amon Goeth]] ([[w: Ralph Fiennes|Ralph Fiennes]]) **Note: Goeth is about to be hung, and he smooths his hair back and says this before Russian soldiers kick the chair out. In real-life, Goeth died the same way and spoke the same last words. *'''It will take more then that.''' **Who: Diana Reiter **Note: Character says this before a Nazi shoots her in the back of the head after an argument, which resulted in her execution. *'''I work for [[w: Oskar Schindler|Oskar Schindler]]!''' **Who: Mr. Lowenstein (the one-armed man) **Note: Character says this before a group of Nazis who deem that man twice as worthless shoots him to death. ===''[[The Scorpion King]]'' (2002)=== *'''It seems the gods favor me tonight, Akkadian.''' **Who: Memnon **Notes: Says these during the final battle between him vs. Mathayus. Contrary to Cassandra's predictions that Mathayus will be killed by an arrow fired by one of Memnon's guards, the Akkadian survives, takes the arrow that was lodged in his back and taunts "Catch this!" shooting the tyrannical swordsman with the arrow at exactly the same time Philos and Arpid ignite the gunpowder that begins to wreck Memnon's palace. Memnon is burned by the rising flame and falls to his death on the shields of his soldiers. ===''[[Scott Pilgrim vs. the World]]'' (2010)=== *'''This is impossible, how can this be?''' [Scott Pilgrim: Open your eyes. Maybe you'll see.] **Who: Matthew Patel **Notes: Last thoughts before being killed. *'''Somebody get me my board.''' [Wallace: ''[walks into view, and taps Lucas' shoulder]'' Hi. Big fan.] ''[cracks neck]'' '''Why ''wouldn't'' you be?''' **Who: Lucas Lee **Note: Last words before he enters a grind skate challenge and is destroyed at the end. *[Envy Adams: ''[Todd's hair sags]'' Oh, my God.] ''[shocked]'' '''No...No.''' [Scott Pilgrim: You once were a ve-gone, but now, you will ''be'' gone.] '''"Ve-gone"?''' **Who: Todd Ingram **Note: Said in response to Scott's line "You once were ve-gone (pun on "vegan"), but now you will be gone." before Scott finished him off with a headbutt. *'''You'll never...be able...to do this...to ''her!''''' **Who: Roxanne "Roxy" Richter *'''You're not cool enough for Ramona. You're zero. Nothing! Me? ''I'm'' what's hip! ''I'm'' what's happening! ''I'm'' blowing up right now!''' [Scott Pilgrim: You ''are'' blowing up. ''Right now!''] '''Scott...Pilgrim.''' ''[chuckles]'' '''You can defeat me, Scott. But can you defeat yourself?''' **Who: Gideon Graves **Note: First quote is last words before he is killed. Second quote is when he speaks to Scott telepathically using his glasses to create Nega-Scott. === ''[[Scooby-Doo]]'' film series === ==== ''[[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]]'' (2002) ==== ==== ''[[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]]'' (2004) ==== ===''[[w:Scream and Scream Again|Scream and Scream Again]]'' (1970)=== *'''Professor. I've got all the uh, all the medical reports, analysis of blood stains, all scraps of evidence. The whole story, what there is of it. If you make anything of it, you'll let me know, will you? I've arranged for you to look them over in an office just down the hall. You won't be disturbed.''' ''[Konratz: Don't bother. I want to take them with me]'' '''Just a minute. Now you've come here with a great deal of influence, but I don't care who orders it; You can't away police evidence.''' ''[Konratz: Very well, Superintendent. Thank you.]'' '''I'll show you where the office is, just down the hall.''' **Who: Detective Superintendent Bellaver **Note: Said when giving evidence which Konratz intends to steal. To cover his tracks, Konratz locks the Superintendent in his lethal shoulder grip making him spew blood from his mouth and killing him in seconds. *'''Too soon. too dangerous.''' **Who: Konratz **Note: Said when boiling the composite nurse Jane in the acid tank of Dr. Browning's residence. After that, he replies "You've turned every scientific advance into a weapon. You won't have me or my work!" then the two fight with superhuman strength clashing with one another. First the doctor beats him with an oxygen tank, breaks off Konratz's left hand and boils him in the acid. *'''He tried to destroy all of this. He thought we'd been careless in letting my work go too far. He was evil. He made me realize that we aren't perfect yet, that we could be corrupted by too much power. So we must find all of the others who may have gone bad and destroy them before it's too late.''' **Who: Dr. Browning **Note: Explains these after killing Konratz to Fremont who may be a superhuman composite. Fremont simply replies "It is too late now." and forces the superhuman doctor to boil himself in the acid. ===''[[w:The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising|The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising]]'' (2007)=== *'''Give me the sign, Will!!''' **Who: Maggie **Note: She then disintegrates into dust after failing to obtain the fifth sign from Will. ===''[[w:A Serbian Film|A Serbian Film]]'' (2010)=== *'''To je film!''' **Translation: That's film! **Who: Vukmir **Note: Character coerced Miloš into doing extremely unspeakable acts with own wife and son, which leads Miloš to kill him. ===''[[Serial Mom]]'' (1994)=== *'''No, wait! Fashion has changed!''' **Who: Juror #8 **Note: Spoken at a courthouse payphone while being confronted by acquitted serial killer Beverly Sutphin for wearing white shoes after Labor Day. Sutphin responds, "No, it hasn't," before beating Juror #8 to death with a phone receiver. ===''[[Serenity (film)|Serenity]]'' (2005)=== *'''I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I-''' **Who: Hoban 'Wash' Washburne **Note: Wash has successfully flown a damaged Serenity through a battle between Alliance and Reaver ships, referring to himself as a leaf on the wind the entire time and landed it relatively safely, only to be impaled through the chest by shrapnel from a pursuing Reaver ship. *'''Can't order me around, boy...I'm not one of your crew...''' **Who: Shepherd Derrial Book **Note: Book has shot down the Alliance ship which attacked him and his friends on Haven, but is dying after being shot himself. *'''I don't care what you believe in, just believe it. Whatever you...''' **Who: [[w:Derrial Book|Shepherd Derrial Book]] *'''They can't stop the signal, Mal. They can never stop the signal.''' **Who: Mr. Universe **Note: The message with instructions for Mal is being relayed through Mr. Universe's lovebot wife, after Mr Universe has long since been stabbed by the Operative. ===''[[Se7en (film)|Se7en]]'' (1995)=== *'''Oh...he didn't know.''' **Who: John Doe ([[w: Kevin Spacey|Kevin Spacey]]) **Note: Said after he reveals that Detective Mills wife, whom he has killed, was pregnant, which Mills didn't know about. Mills is overcome with grief and rage and then shoots Doe to death. ===''[[The Seventh Seal]]'' (1957)=== *'''No loopholes?''' **Who: Jonas Skat **Note: Said while desperately negotiating with the character Death; Death ignores the question and proceeds to fell the tree in which Skat has climbed. *'''It is finished.''' **Who: Girl **Note: The character's last, and only, lines, spoken before being taken by Death along with her other companions. ===''[[Shanghai Knights]]'' (2003)=== *'''How disappointing.''' **Who: Lord Nelson Rathbone **Note: Said to Chon Wang after defeating him in a sword duel. Chon asks for a sword again, and then cuts the ropes supporting the walkway they are on, throwing Rathbone out the front of Big Ben to his death. ===''[[Shanghai Noon]]'' (2000)=== *'''How the hell did that happen?''' **Who: Marshall Van Cleef **Notes: Comment made after being hit by a miracle shot by Roy O'Bannon. *'''Now it's time for you to die.''' **Who: Lo Fong **Note: Said to Chon Wang before he kicks out the supports on a bell in the church, the rope having been wrapped around Fong's neck. He is hung when the bell falls and the rope drags him upwards. ===''[[Shark Tale]]'' (2004)=== *'''Moron...''' **Who: Frankie **Notes: The character just got an anchor to his head. As he lays dying, he tells his brother Lenny that he feels cold. Lenny then makes a crack about him being cold-blooded. He slaps Lenny in the face and says this line before dying. ===''[[Shaun of the Dead]]'' (2004)=== *'''Now, I have a splitting headache, and your stupid hip hop isn't helping. And the front door is open...AGAIN!''' **Who: Pete **Notes: Unbeknownst to Ed and Shaun it's the last thing he says before he dies and is resurrected by a zombie. Having been bitten by one on the way home from work. During the climatic scene he is shot in the head by Shaun. *'''Being a father, it's not easy.''' [Shaun: What?] '''You were 12 when I met you, already grown up so much. I just wanted you to be strong and not give up because you lost your dad.''' [Shaun: Philip, you don't have to explain...] '''No, I do. I always loved you, Shaun. And I always thought you had it in you to do well. You just need...m-motivation. Somebody to look up to and...I thought it could be me. Would you just...take care of your mum? There's a good boy.''' **Who: Phillip **Notes: Right before he dies from a zombie bite and resurrected as one. He is Shaun's stepfather, and Shaun had gotten along poorly with him in the past. *'''It's been a funny sort of day, hasn't it?''' **Who: Barbara **Notes: Dies from a zombie bite wound, and when she reanimates, her son Shaun blasts her head apart with a [[w:Winchester rifle|Winchester rifle]]. *'''Shaun, I...No! No! NO!''' **Who: David **Notes: About to apologize to Shaun for making him shoot his own mother, is then dragged through a window and disembowled by zombies. *'''Gay!''' **Who: Ed **Notes: After being bitten by a zombified Pete as well as another zombie, he is taken to the basement below the Winchester pub by Shaun and his ex-girlfriend. After a conversation with them he decides to stay behind and take on the remaining zombies while the two escape. ===''[[The Shawshank Redemption]]'' (1994)=== *'''Dear fellas, I can't believe how fast things move on the outside. I saw an automobile once when I was a kid, but now they're everywhere. The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry. The parole board got me into this halfway house called "The Brewer" and a job bagging groceries at the Foodway. It's hard work and I try to keep up, but my hands hurt most of the time. I don't think the store manager likes me very much. Sometimes after work, I go to the park and feed the birds. I keep thinking Jake might just show up and say hello, but he never does. I hope wherever he is, he's doin' okay and makin' new friends. I have trouble sleepin' at night. I have bad dreams like I'm falling. I wake up scared. Sometimes it takes me a while to remember where I am. Maybe I should get me a gun and rob the Foodway so they'd send me home. I could shoot the manager while I was at it, sort of like a bonus. I guess I'm too old for that sort of nonsense any more. I don't like it here. I'm tired of being afraid all the time. I've decided not to stay. I doubt they'll kick up any fuss. Not for an old crook like me.''' **Who: Brooks Hatlen **Notes: Brooks, who has been a prisoner in Shawshank for over 40 years, has had much difficulty adjusting to a normal life. His last words are heard as a voiceover in a letter to his inmate friends, before he hangs himself. *'''Just gimme that chance.''' **Who: Tommy Williams **Notes: Warden Norton asks Tommy if he would testify in Andy Dufrane's defense and prove him innocent. When Tommy replied that he would help his friend, the warden, whose money laundering schemes depended on Andy's silence, ordered one of his guards to shoot Tommy. ===''[[w:Shiri (film)|Shiri]]'' (1998)=== *'''You know where Hee is right now? She's in the audience, laughing at you!''' **Who: Park Mu-young **Notes: The leader of the North Korean terrorists. At the soccer game, he and his gang activate the lights which will detonate the CTX bomb and kill the leaders as well as civilians. As he and Jong-won fight over the light switch, he says this about Lee Bang-hee/Myung-hyun who's seated in the audience. Sik eventually kills the terrorist with a gunshot and Jong-won shuts the lights off. *'''Out of the way!''' **Who: Lee Myung-hyun / Lee Bang-hee **Notes: A fish and aquarium store owner who turns out to be a North Korean spy. With the plan to detonate the CTX bomb on the Korean leaders a failure, Myung-hyun races after the VIPs shouting this to get civilians out of the way. After this, she shoots through some SWAT officers, and is confronted by Jong-won. She fires a shot, but fails to kill the VIPs and Jong-won shoots her dead. ===''[[w:Showdown in Little Tokyo|Showdown in Little Tokyo]]''=== *'''You too believe in faith, don't you, Kenner?!''' **Who: Funekei Yoshida **Notes: Says this before engaging Sgt. Chris Kenner in an intense sword fight during a local parade in Little Tokyo. Yoshida is a formidable opponent but the fight ends with Kenner running Yoshida through and saying "This is for my parents!" avenging the former's murdered parents. He traps Yoshida on Catherine wheel fireworks which ignite and burn him alive. ===''[[w:Shrek (franchise)|Shrek]]'' franchise=== ====''[[Shrek]]'' (2001)==== *'''I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll ''beg'' for death to save you!''' [Fiona: No! Shrek!] '''And as for ''you,'' my wife...''' [Shrek: Fiona!] '''...I'll have you locked back in that tower ''FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS! I AM KING!''''' ''[Shrek whistles for Dragon]'' '''''I WILL HAVE ORDER! I WILL HAVE PERFECTION! I WILL HAVE--!''''' ''[Dragon crashes through window and roars]'' '''''AAAAAAH!''''' ''[Dragon eats him whole]'' '''''AAH--!''''' ''[Dragon swallows Farquaad]'' [Donkey: All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. ''[Dragon roars]'' I'm a donkey on the edge! ''[Dragon belches, and Farquaad's crown falls out.]'' ''[laughs]'' Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?] **Who: Lord Farquaad **Notes: Farquaad had just married Princess Fiona, making him a king. He threatened to kill Shrek and imprison Fiona, prompting the ogre to summon Dragon, Donkey's girlfriend. The massive dragon proceeded to swallow Farquaad whole. Though he appears alive in the dragon's stomach during the "Sing-Along" at the end of the film, this is not considered canon. His ghost does appear in the Universal Studios attraction Shrek 4-D, however. ====''[[Shrek 2]]'' (2004)==== *'''Harold! You were supposed to give her the potion!''' [King Harold: ''[smugly]'' Well, I guess I gave her the wrong tea.] [Charming: Mommy! ''[snatches wand from Puss]''] [Fiona: "Mommy"?] ''[grabs the wand and growls]'' '''I told you, ogres don't live ''HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!''''' ''[shoots killing beam toward Shrek]'' [Queen Lillian: ''[alarmed]'' Harold!] [Fiona: Shrek!] ''[King Harold yells as he jumps in front of beam, deflecting it back to Fairy Godmother]'' ''[screams]'' '''Ooh! ''HA!''''' ''[disintegrates into bubbles]'' **Who: Fairy Godmother **Notes: Character attempts to shoot Shrek with magic from her wand after he thwarts her attempt to have Fiona fall in love with her son, Prince Charming. However, the king jumps in front of him; while the magic turns him into a frog, his armor deflects the shot at the Fairy Godmother, disintegrating her. ====''[[Shrek the Third]]'' (2007)==== *'''Now, there is a matter of business to attend to.''' ''[wheezes and passes out]'' [Puss: The frog king...is dead.] *'''Aside from you, there is only one remaining heir.''' [Shrek: Really? Who is he, Dad?] '''His name is...is...''' [Shrek: What's his name? What's his '''''name?'''''] '''''is--''''' ''[wheezing]'' [Fiona: Daddy!] ''[coughs up and passes out]'' *'''His name is Arthur.''' [Shrek: Arthur?] '''I know...you'll do...what's right.''' ''[He's sick]'' [Queen Lillian: ''[emotionally]'' Harold?] [Shrek: Dad? Dad! ''[King Harold doesn't respond; ears droop]'' Dad?] [Donkey: ''[sees King Harold is sick; to Puss, emotionally]'' Do your thing, man.] **Who: King Harold **Notes: Character is ill and tells Shrek to find his nephew as an alternative candidate for the throne. The first two is the King choking up and that creates tension that Puss takes off his hat each time he passes out, thinking he is truly sick, and Fiona weeps heavily. *'''Mommy?''' **Who: Prince Charming **Notes: Said as he looks up at a tower that is falling on him. His mother was Fairy Godmother, who was dead. ====''[[Shrek Forever After]]'' (2010)==== *'''Do you know what the best part is? I got the chance to fall in love with you all over again.''' **Who: Shrek **Notes: Character ceases to exist after his day in the world where he was never born ends. However, Fiona gives him True Love's Kiss, and he is revived in the normal world. *'''No! No, no, no, no, no! I'm not ready! No! Wait!''' **Who: Rumpelstiltskin **Note: Rumpelstiltskin ceases to exist in gold dust; However, he revives in the ending credits where he gets trapped. ===''[[The Silence of the Lambs (film)|The Silence of the Lambs]]'' (1991)=== *'''Sure, you can use my phone.''' **Who: [[w:Buffalo Bill (The Silence of the Lambs)|Jame Gumb]] ===''[[w:Silent Night, Deadly Night|Silent Night, Deadly Night]] series''=== ====''Silent Night, Deadly Night'' (1984)==== * '''What's the problem?''' ** Who: Jim Chapman (Geoff Hansen) ** Notes: Said to the Killer Santa, who then tries to carjack the Chapmans at gunpoint. Jim tries turning the car around, but the Killer Santa fatally shoots him before he can escape. * '''JIM! GO!''' ** Who: Ellie Chapman (Tara Buckman) ** Notes: After the Killer Santa points his gun at the Chapmans, Ellie shouts at Jim to drive away. After he's shot dead, the Killer Santa drags Ellie from the car and tries to rape her, but ends up slitting her throat after she tries to fight him off. * '''You little tease!''' ** Who: Andy (Randy Stumpf) ** Notes: Said during an attempt to sexually assault Pamela, which brings back traumatic memories of the death of Billy's mother, and results in Billy strangling Andy to death with a set of Christmas lights. * '''God, you're crazy!''' [Billy: Stop it, Pamela.] '''You bastard! You're crazy! Get the hell away from-''' ** Who: Pamela (Toni Nero) ** Notes: After witnessing Andy's death, a horrified Pamela insults and tries to attack Billy, who kills her with a box cutter for her ingratitude. * '''Anybody in here? Sims, you're drunk, you're hearing things. Yoo-hoo!''' ** Who: Ira Sims (Britt Leach) ** Notes: Sims, suspecting that Andy and Pamela are having sex, tries calling out for them, only to be beaten to death with a hammer by Billy for drinking and making him dress like Santa. * '''Mr. Sims, are you hiding in there?''' ** Who: Mrs. Randall (Nancy Borgenicht) ** Notes: The drunken Mrs. Randall calls out to Mr. Sims, but finds him dead with a hammer buried in his skull. After being stalked through the store she disarms Billy, who nonetheless kills her by shooting an arrow through her heart. * '''There you are, you bad kitty!''' ** Who: Denise (Linnea Quigley) ** Notes: After calling in her family's cat, Denise is attacked by Billy for having premarital sex, and eventually impaled on a set of deer antlers. * '''Operator? Operator, I need the police.''' ** Who: Tommy (Leo Geter) ** Notes: Upon finding the corpse of Denise, whom he was having sex with, Tommy initially manages to fight off Billy, but before the police can arrive Billy returns and throws Tommy out of a window, causing the combination of the fall and impalement on glass shards to kill him. * '''That's beautiful. Alright, now watch this!''' ** Who: Mac (Richard C. Terry) ** Notes: Having stolen a sledge from a younger boy, Mac starts to follow his friend Bob down the kill, but Billy jumps out and decapitates him with an axe for his act of theft. * '''I'm sorry. I'm going to check out the grounds. In the meantime, you make sure everyone stays locked up inside. Don't let anyone come in unless you know exactly who it is.''' ** Who: Officer Barnes (Max Robinson) ** Notes: After unwittingly killing a deaf priest whom he mistook for Billy, Barnes apologizes to Mother Superior for the mix-up, before warning her that Billy's still on the loose. Barnes is later killed by Billy with an axe to his chest. * '''You're safe now. Santa Claus... is... gone.''' ** Who: Billy Chaptman (Robert Brian Wilson) ** Notes: Having been fatally shot moments before he could kill Mother Superior, Billy says this to the children at the orphanage where he grew up, before dying from his wounds. ====''Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2'' (1987)==== * '''Fuck this! I'm getting a beer.''' ** Who: Eddie (Randall Boffman) ** Notes: After his date fights off an attempt to sexually assault her, Eddie grabs a beer from his car, which Ricky then hijacks and drives over Eddie until he dies. * '''What are you looking at, kid? Get out of my way. Ooh, you're really asking for it!''' ** Who: Loan Shark (Frank Novak) ** Notes: Said to Ricky, who has just witnessed the loan shark beat up a customer for not repaying him on time. Ricky in turn beats up the loan shark, then fatally impales him with an umbrella. * '''Falling for me again, huh? And you-''' ** Who: Chip (Ken Weichert) ** Notes: Jennifer tries to break up an argument between Chip and Ricky, but loses her footing and falls to the ground. After making this quip, Chip is grabbed by Ricky, who attaches a car battery to his tongue and electrocutes him until his eyes explode. * '''I hate you, Ricky! I hate you!''' [Ricky: Punish!] '''Uh-oh!''' ** Who: Jennifer (Elizabeth Kaitan) ** Notes: On witnessing Ricky's killing Chip, Jennifer angrily yells at Ricky, angering him into killing her by strangling her with a car aerial. * '''Now, I don't wanna have to hurt you. All I'm gonna do is slip these cuffs on you. And no funny stuff! I know how to use this.''' ** Who: Police Officer (Kenneth McCabe) ** Notes: The officer, after happening on the scene of Ricky's murders of Chip and Jennifer, holds him at gunpoint and tries to arrest him, but Ricky grabs his gun and shoots him dead. * [Ricky: GARBAGE DAY!] '''Huh? NO!''' ** Who: Bystander ** Notes: Ricky, who is on a murder spree with the cop's stolen gun, calls this out on seeing a bystander taking out his trash, before fatally shooting him through the trash can. * '''Who is this?''' ** Who: Dr. Henry Bloom (James L. Newman) ** Notes: Dr. Bloom says this while handing a photo of Jennifer to Ricky. Bloom is later killed off-camera by Ricky, who strangles him to death with some audio tape. * '''Well, hello there, big fella? How'd you like to give a little something to Santa?''' ** Who: Salvation Army Santa (Harvey Genkins) ** Notes: The Santa unwisely tries to solicit a donation from Ricky, who kills him and steals his Santa outfit. * '''I am your Mother Superior, and I raised you from a child. I order you to put that weapon down and take your punishment.''' [Ricky: No more punishment.] '''You are being very, very naughty!''' [Ricky: NAUGHTY THIS!] ** Who: Mother Superior (Jean Miller) ** Notes: Wheelchair-bound and unable to flee, Mother Superior tries tapping into Ricky's childhood conditioning to make him put down his axe for long enough to stab him to death. The attempt fails, and Ricky decapitates her. ====''Silent Night, Deadly Night Part III: Better Watch Out!'' (1989)==== * '''What the fuck? Easy boy, you're not well! Hey, listen Ricky, the bit about the broccoli, I was just kidding. Seriously, want a drink? No! No! NOOOO!''' ** Who: Danny (Monte Hellman) ** Notes: Danny, who is the hospital's Santa for the year, is cornered by Ricky, who has just woken up from his coma, and then kills Danny for insulting him while he was apparently comatose. * '''Yes? Can I help you?''' ** Who: Receptionist (Isabel Cooley) ** Notes: Said to Ricky, after he wanders by the reception in search of Laura. The red flower she wears on her uniform sets off Ricky's murderous impulses, and he cuts her throat with a letter opener. * '''What happened to you, man? Did you get a head transplant?''' ** Who: Truck Driver (Carlos Palomino) ** Notes: The driver, having picked up Ricky as a hitch-hiker, questions the glass dome and visible brain on his head. Ricky then kills him and hijacks his truck. * '''Is it live, or is it Memorex?''' ** Who: Chris Anderson (Eric Da Re) ** Notes: Chris, having seemingly been killed in an earlier scene, re-appears and tries to shoot Ricky dead, but Ricky survives his wound and crushes Chris's throat with the rifle, killing him. * '''Lieutenant. Don't... be... stupid.''' ** Who: Dr. Newbury (Richard Beymer) ** Notes: Having been fatally wounded by Ricky in an earlier scene, Newbury says this to Lt. Connelly before dying from his wound. ===''[[The Simpsons Movie]]'' (2007)=== *'''Gentlemen, it's been an honor playing with you tonight.''' **Who: [[w:Mike Dirnt|Mike Dirnt]] **Notes: The real-life member of [[w:Green Day|Green Day]] says this after the barge that he and the other band members were playing on is dissolved by the sludge in Lake Springfield, sending all of them to their deaths. They then take out violins, and play them in place of their normal instruments. Both the line and the incident itself are parodies of the band that played on the [[w:RMS Titanic|RMS ''Titanic'']] as it sank. *'''Oh, I don't know what to do! If I stay, I'm trapped, if I leave, I'm alone! Oh, God! In! Out! In! Out! I never saw Venice! I-''' **Who: Unnamed Man **Note: As Springfield is getting encased in a giant glass dome, one man contemplates in a worried rush of whether or not he should leave the dome. As he says this, the giant dome crushes him. *'''Bye, everybody!''' **Who: Dr. Nick Rivera **Notes: After the dome is destroyed, Chief Wiggum mentions that nobody was hurt in the ordeal. He then looks around to see Dr. Nick crushed under a giant chunk of glass. His last words are a take-off on his usual catchprase ("Hi, everybody!"). *'''Well, always leave them laughing. Goodbye, sir.''' **Who: Russ Cargill **Notes: Said as he prepares to shoot Homer with a shotgun. Before he can fire, Maggie drops a rock on him. May not have died, but was not seen or referenced for the rest of the movie. ===''[[Sin City (film)|Sin City]]'' (2005)=== *'''While you're at it, ask yourself if that corpse of a slut is worth dying for.''' **Who: Priest **Notes: Marv is attempting to solve Goldie's murder. He speaks to the priest, and then kills him by shooting him, presumably because he insulted Goldie, who Marv had loved, internally replying "Worth dying for. Worth killing for. Worth going to hell for. Amen." *'''No, don't shoot. Please, listen to me. I'm his parole officer. He's unconscious and unarmed. So there's no need to kill him.''' **Who: Lucille **Notes: Character is surrendering to the police, referring to the unconsious Marv. She mistakenly believes that the police think that Marv is a murderer, but in reality, they have been corrupted by the real murderer, a powerful man named Roark who has ordered them to kill Marv and frame him for the murders Roark has committed. To elimanate any witnesses to Marv's murder, the corrupt police captain kills Lucille by shooting her, and is later killed in vengeance by Marv, who came round in time to witness Lucille's murder from afar. *'''Kevin, we're going home.''' **Who: Cardinal Patrick Henry Roark **Notes: Spoken to the head of Kevin, who has already been killed by Marv for murdering Goldie, as ordered by Roark. He is then killed by Marv as well. *'''Is that the best you can do, you pansies?''' **Who: Marv **Notes: Marv was being wrongly executed via the electric chair for the murders of some prostitutes that were actually killed by Kevin and Roark, as well as for the murders of Kevin and Roark themselves (the latter two actually were killed by Marv in vengeance for what they had done, as one of their victims had been his lover Goldie). After the first attempt failed, Marv uttered this insult, knowing that his executionors knew he was innocent, (they'd been corrupted by a powerful US senator who was Roark's brother) and died of another shock. *'''Someone should've told you: never give an Irishman a good cause for revenge.''' **Who: Brian **Notes: The hitman is about to do away with Dwight when he is killed by 'deadly little Miho. *'''Can't see...I can't see...I can't hear anything.''' **Who: Jack "Jackie Boy" Rafferty **Notes: Jack has fired a gun with a blocked barrel, causing it to backfire and embedding the barrel in his head. He is then 'finished' by the sword-wielding Miho, who "makes a [[w:Pez|Pez]] dispenser out of him." *'''No! McCarthy, you shit!''' **Who: Manute **Notes: Spoken before being gunned down along with many others after being tricked by his men. *'''Here it comes, it's gonna hurt.''' **Who: Roark Junior (The Yellow Bastard) **Notes: Roark approaches Hartigan holding a large hunting knife, but is himself stabbed instead. Hartigan then proceeds to castrate Roark and beat him until he is "pounding wet chunks of bone into the floorboards." *'''An old man dies, a young woman lives. Fair trade. I love you, Nancy.''' **Who: Hartigan **Notes: Character had killed the serial killing son of a powerful US senator in order to protect Nancy, who he had fallen in love with despite him being old enough to be her grandfather, much to his own disgust. However, when he realizes that the senator in question will now come after Nancy in order to hurt Hartigan for killing his son, he decides to committ suicide to make sure this doesn't happen. ===''[[w:Six Shooter (film)|Six Shooter]]'' (2004)=== *'''I didn't hit one of them. That was fucking woeful shooting. Fucking woeful like, you know, like? Do you know what I mean, like, like, like, just...fucking woeful.''' **Who: The boy **Notes: The boy was just involved in a shoot-out with police. It was revealed moments before that he had shot his mother before the events of the film began. ===''[[The Sixth Sense]]'' (1999)=== *'''It doesn't even hurt anymore...''' *'''Good night, sweetheart.''' **Who: Malcolm Crowe **Notes: Vincent Gray, a disturbed patient who "saw dead people", blamed Crowe for not being able to "fix" him. He extracted his revenge by breaking in and shooting him. The top words are his last words while alive. The second are what his spirit says to his wife just before he crosses over into the next world. ===''[[Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow]]'' (2004)=== *'''Promise...''' **Who: Dr. Walter Jennings *'''Forgive me.''' **Who: Dr. Totenkopf **Notes: Not the characters spoken last words. He had died 20 years before the events of the movie, after setting in motion a doomsday plot that could not be stopped. A note with "Forgive me" scrawled on it was found in his corpses hand. ===''Sleepers'' (1996)=== *'''You two motherfuckers are going to burn in Hell. You're going to burn in Hell.''' **Who: Sean Nokes **Notes: Said to Tommy Marcano and John Riley when he realizes that the two of them have come to kill him. Riley responds "Yeah, after you," and he and Marcano gun proceed to gun down Nokes. ===''[[Sleepy Hollow (film)|Sleepy Hollow]]'' (1999)=== *'''Come out, devil.''' **Who: Jonathan Masbeth *'''Oh, my god!''' **Who: Magistrate Philipse *'''Your four friends played you false. We were devilishly possessed by one who...''' **Who: Dr. Thomas Lancaster **Notes: As he is about to reveal the true mastermind behind the Headless Horseman killings and manipulating Baltus' company, Reverend Steenwyck takes a wooden cross and cracks the doctor's skull with it. *'''There is a conspiracy here, and I will shake it out!''' **Who: Baltus Van Tassel **Notes: Says this line before being harpooned out of a church by the Headless Horseman. *'''There! Take her! She's yours!''' **Who: Lady Van Tassel **Notes: Says this by holding Katrina Van Tassel so that the Headless Horseman may kill her. However, she is subdued by Young Masbeth. When she comes to her senses soon afterwards, the Headless Horseman, his head restored to him and thus freed from a curse she cast on him, returns to Hell, taking Lady Van Tassel with him. ===''[[w:Sleuth (1972 film)|Sleuth]]''=== *'''Andrew? Don't forget. Be sure and tell them...it was just...a bloody game...''' **Who: Milo Tindle **Notes: After a game of wits with Andrew Wyke, Milo Tindle prepares to depart, but is fatally shot. After this, the cops begin assembling outside Wyke's home. Milo gives this reminder, then laughs hysterically as he activates Andrew's audio animatronics before collapsing dead. ===''[[Slumdog Millionaire]]'' (2008)=== *'''God is Great.''' **Who: Salim Malik **Notes: Salim had been shot multiple times after shooting the gangster Javind. He says this before dying. *'''Maman can make an exception.''' **Who: Maman **Notes: Says this to Salim after Salim has him held at gunpoint and claims that Maman will not keep quiet about it. He says this, and Salim responds 'Can't take that risk,' before shooting him in the head. ===''[[Small Soldiers]]'' (1998)=== *'''It's only the flesh wound, sir.''' [Major Chip Hazard: Rest easy. You've done your job.] '''Did...we win?''' ''[dies]'' [Major Chip Hazard: We will.] *Who: Nick Nitro **Note: Said with Major Chip Hazard by his side, after being mortally injured during a battle against the Gorgonites. Major Hazard vows "We will." *'''There will be no mercy!''' *Who: Major Chip Hazard **Notes: Said after the EMP (Electromagnetic Pulse) hits him and the commandos. ===''[[Smokin' Aces]]'' (2006)=== *'''My name is Vitoli, how can I be of assistance?''' **Who: Vitoli **Notes: Lazlo Soot has Vitoli say this so he can record it and replicate his voice. Soot also records himself shooting and killing Vitoli after he complies. *'''You open the fucking door.''' **Who: Hugo **Notes: Was killed by hitman Lazlo Soot, who later replicated his face as a disguise. The line was said when Hugo was trying to contact a hotel butler whom Soot had already murdered. *'''Okay, okay. Enough! Now basically there are-''' **Who: Jack Dupree **Notes: Dupree was cut off by loud heavy metal music while explaining to his team how they will kidnap Buddy Israel. He and his partners are then shot to death by the Tremor Brothers. *'''Well, quit acting like someone took a shit in your cereal bowl. Reed paid us 50 grand.''' **Who: "Pistol" Pete Deeks **Notes: There was an obscure arguement between him and his partner Hollis after the line but it was cut off by Jack Dupree. Pete, Jack and Hollis were each shot seconds later by the Tremors. *'''Am I really dying?''' **Who: Bill Security Supervisor **Notes: Was killed by Pasqual Acosta in order to obtain a disguise. Acosta answered this line saying "Yeah, William. We're all dying." *'''Oh, hell no, dog, you didn't just do that.''' **Who: Beanie **Notes: Beanie thought that Lazlo Soot was fellow bodyguard Hugo, who was killed earlier. Beanie said this line after Soot shot him in the back, he then finished him with multiple shots to the chest. *'''A complete shutdown of all of our elevators, sir? No, that kind of protocol can only be allowed by someone in my position, sir.''' **Who: Pasqual Acosta **Notes: While disguised as Bill, Acosta was found out while he and agent Carruthers were in the same elevator. The tension was broke when a Acosta's radio reported the real Bill's death and the two unloaded their guns on one another. He was later shot again by Agent Messner and Carruthers when attempting to kill Georgia Sykes. As he was alive at the end of the movie, these may not be his last words. *'''Mortal. Mortal.''' **Who:Agent Donald Carruthers **Notes: He said this later after he and Pasqual Acosta shot each other. After he and his partner Messner finished Acosta off, Messner asked him how bad his wounds were to which he said this line. He died shortly later while Messner screamed for help. *'''LESTER!''' **Who: Jeeves Tremor **Notes: He and his neo nazi brothers were killing all of Buddy Israel's guards before the last, Sir Ivy, killed Lester Tremor. After Jeeves said this line he tried to kill Ivy in anger but was shot in the legs and fell on his own chainsaw. *'''I fucked up. I fucked up.''' **Who: Sharice Watters **Notes: Line was said after Sharice thought her partner and crush, Georgia Sykes was killed, to which she started killing agents. Later after she found out Georgia was still alive, FBI agents ambushed and presumably shot her. *'''I'm real sorry about...about all that. Shit gets, shit gets wild and crazy, and fate just, just up and fucks you for no good reason. You know, ha, ha, it's the way of the world. Its the way its always gonna be. All right, then. Peace, bro'.''' **Who: Darwin Tremor **Notes: He had just escaped the hotel and tried to get to his car, only to be confronted by Hollis Elmore, whom was thought to be dead (shot by Darwin and his brothers). Hollis first steals Darwin's car keys and lets him go, but shoots him out of spite as he walks away. This line was said in response to seeing the hand on which Hollis' fingers were shot off. *'''Forgive me.''' **Who: Buddy "Aces" Israel **Notes: Character went into cardiac arrest after selling out his friends and being left for dead by the FBI. This line was said to Lazlo Soot, whom he thought to be Hugo. Later that night he and his father Primo Sparazza were killed by a vengeful Agent Messner. ===''[[Snakes on a Plane]]'' (2006)=== '''Good luck.''' **Who: Agent John Sanders ===''[[Snatch (film)|Snatch]]'' (2000)=== *'''Almost...had it.''' **Who: Boris 'The Blade' / 'The Bullet Dodger' Yurinov (Rade Serbedzija) **Notes: Character has been shot about eight times and still is defiant. The next shot finishes him off. *'''Gimme a fuckin' shooter!''' **Who: 'Brick Top' Pulford (Alan Ford) *'''Well, thank God for that.''' **Who: 'Bullet-Tooth' Tony (Vinnie Jones) **Notes: Character is accidentally shot moments later. === ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' film series === ==== ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog (film)|Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' (2020) ==== * '''Goodbye, Sonic.''' **Who: Longclaw the Owl **Note: Character says this line while shielding Sonic from a tribe of echidnas after he enters a ring portal to Earth, before it closes. Longclaw is never seen in the film since (most of which takes place ten years after this scene), so she may not have died, and even if she did, these may not have been her last words. ==== ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog 2]]'' (2022) ==== ==== ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog 3]]'' (2024) ==== * '''Sonic... Take this.''' ('''Sonic''': ''What is it?'') '''A key, to the most powerful weapon GUN has ever built. You're the only I trust to keep it safe.''' **Who: Commander Walters **Note: Character says this line while giving Sonic a key-card (one of two for GUN's Eclipse Cannon) after being fatally wounded by a swarm of Dr Robotnik's drones (which had been hijacked by Gerald Robotnik to lure Ivo out of hiding). * '''Grandchildren. All of the fun and none of the responsibility.''' ('''Ivo''': ''Who said life was pointless?'') '''Huh?''' ('''Ivo''': ''Oh, right… you did!'') **Who: Professor Gerald Robotnik **Note: Character says this line after knocking his grandson, Ivo, off the Eclipse Cannon. However, Tails and Knuckles rescue Ivo, who then pokes him in the rear-end with Sonic's quill (which is energized by Sonic's Super Sonic form), sending him flying into the Cannon's reactor core, where he is vaporized by the wave of Shadow's Chaos Energy. * '''Stone... You were more than a sycophant to me. You were… a syco-friend. I'll miss your lattes with steamed Austrian goat milk… I love the way you make 'em! So, I guess there's only one thing left to say! Bzzt, bzzt, bzzt! It's been a real drag! Thanks for nothing.''' **Who: Dr. Ivo Robotnik **Note: Character says this line while making a final broadcast, acknowledging his henchman, Agent Stone, as his only friend, while he is moving the Eclipse Cannon away from Earth as it overloads. === ''Sony's Marvel Universe'' === ====''[[Venom (film)|Venom]]''==== *'''Where'd it go?! Where is it?!''' ** Who: Isaac ** Note: Said after a symbiote centers his body before it eats him from the inside. *'''Eddie! It's me! Let me out! Please! Let me out! Let me out! Out!''' **Who: Maria **Note: Said before the Venom symbiote kills her and transfers itself onto Eddie. *'''No! No, no!''' **Who: Dora Skirth **Note: Said after Carlton Drake deploys a symbiote to kill her as punishment for letting Eddie Brock inside *[Eddie Brock: Karma is a bitch.] '''I don't believe in karma.''' ** Who: Roland Treece ** Note: While interrogating Brock in a forest about where the Venom Symbiote is, Treece says these words before he is attacked by Venom (bonded by Anne Weying), who bites his head off. * '''Traitor!''' [Venom: Have a nice life!] ** Who: Riot ** Note: Riot merged with Carlton Drake with the purpose of using a Life Foundation space probe to collect the rest of the symbiotes and bring them to Earth. While preparing his spaceship, Riot battles Venom. Riot has the upper hand until Venom ruptures the spaceship's fuel tank, causing an explosion which kills both Riot and Drake. *''('''Venom''': "You come in here, again... in fact, you go anywhere in this city, preying on innocent people, and we will find you and eat both your arms, and then both of your legs, and then we will eat your face right off your head. Do you understand?")'' Please... ''('''Venom''': "Yes. So, you will be this armless, legless, faceless thing, won't you, rolling down the street! Like a turd... in the wind... Do you feel me?")'' '''What the hell are you?!''' ''(Venom: We... are Venom. On second thought...)'' '''Please...''' **Who: Shop burglar **Note: After an attempt to rob Mrs. Chen, Venom begins making death threats to warn him to stay away. When Venom decides to just do it anyway, the burglar says this, begging for his life before Venom eats him alive. ==== '''''[[Venom: Let There Be Carnage]]''''' ==== * '''No, please!''' ** Who: Warden ** Note: Saying this before he is killed by Cletus Kasady / Carnage. * '''I wanted your friendship...''' ** Who: Cletus Kasady ** Note: After being defeated by Eddie Brock/Venom in the cathedral, and separated from the Carnage Symbiote (which is eaten by Venom), Kasady says these words to Brock, who allows Venom to devour his head, killing him. === ''Space Jam'' film series === ====''[[Space Jam]]'' (1996)==== * '''''Losers''!''' [Monstars: Sorry.] '''Choke artists!''' [Monstars: Sorry again.] '''Wait 'till I get you back on Moron Mountain.''' [Bupkus: OWWWWWW!] '''Alright, the party's over. Get in the spaceship.''' [Michael Jordan: Why are you taking from this guy?] [Bupkus: Because he's ''bigger''...] [Other Monstars: He's ''bigger''?!] [Bang: Than we used...to be.] [Monstars: Oh, wait...] '''What are you doing?''' [Bupkus: Come here.] '''Hey, wait! What are you doing?! Wait! Let go!''' ** Who: Mr. Swackhammer ==== ''[[Space Jam: A New Legacy]]'' (2021)==== * [Lil Rel Howery: The Tunes win! The Tunes win!] [Ernie Johnson Jr.: Unbelievable! Al-G just got turned into a literal poster.] '''This is not how I wanted to go out!''' ** Who: Al-G Rhythm ** Note: Al-G Rhythm was defeated by LeBron James and he turned into a poster and shredded by Pete ===''[[w:Spawn (film)|Spawn]]'' (1997)=== *'''Wandaaaa!!!''' **Who: Al Simmons **Notes:A Force Reconnaissance Marine Colonel and Black Ops operative, Al Simmons was sent to dismantle a North Korean chemical plant containing a virus. He is betrayed by his boss Jason Wynn and Jessica who sprays him with a green substance. Simmons tries to warn his boss that blowing up will release the virus that will kill an entire town. Jason then blows up the plant along with Al. As he falls to hell, Simmons cries out to his wife, Wanda. This sets the stage for his rebirth as the monstrous superhero, Spawn. *'''You don't have the guts!''' **Who: Jessica Priest **Notes: As Spawn was attacking Jason Wynn at a reception, Jessica comes her bosses aid and Wynn tells that the creature was Al Simmons. Just as Spawn comes out, Jessica tries to attack him, but is overpowered quickly by Spawn. Just as Spawn pulls out his guns, Jessica says these lines and Spawn shoots and kills her and which caused her to fall from a large height and onto a table with wine glasses and Spawn replies “You’re right.”. ===''[[w:The Specialist|The Specialist]]''=== *'''YOU BASTARDA!!!''' **Who: Joe Leon **Notes: The mob boss behind the murder of May Munro's parents, he finds a necklace with a picture of May's parents within. As the bomb within beeps, he curses God before he is blown up. ===''[[Speed (1994 film)|Speed]]'' (1994)=== *'''What do ya do, huh Jack? What do ya do, you're so smart, right, Jack? Piece of shit! I'm the guy with the plan cause I'm smarter-I'm smarter than you!''' **Who: Howard Payne (Fighting with Sgt. Jack Traven atop a runaway subway train. Seconds later, holds Payne up in front of an oncoming ceiling light. Payne screams just before the light decapitates him. As his body falls off the train, Jack retorts, "Yeah? But I'm TALLER!") ===''[[Spider-Man]]'' film franchise=== *'''Norman?''' ''[see Norman thrash]'' '''Norman!''' ''[vents gas chamber]'' '''Norman!''' ''[sees Norman continuing to thrash, and suddenly go limp]'' '''Oh, my God!''' ''[sees heart monitor flatlining]'' '''Oh, my God! Norman? Oh, my God! Norman! Norman!''' ''[starts doing CPR on Norman, and sees the heart monitor beeping]'' [Norman: ''[suddenly wakes up and chokes Stromm]'' Back to formula?] **Who: Dr. Mendel Stromm **Notes: Said while Norman Osborn thrashes and flatlines after using the performance enhancing drugs. After Stromm starts doing CPR him, Norman suddenly awakes and kills him. ====''[[Spider-Man (2002 film)|Spider-Man]]'' (2002)==== *[Peter: Uncle Ben? Uncle Ben? Uncle Ben?] '''Peter.''' [Peter: ''[voice breaking]'' I'm here, Uncle Ben.] ''[weakly]'' '''Peter.''' **Who: Ben Parker **Notes: Character is dying after being shot by a robber that Peter had previously allowed to escape. However, it is later revealed in the third film that Flint Marko was Ben's true but unintentional killer. *'''Don't hurt me. Just give me a chance. ''Just give me a chance!''''' [Peter: ''[angrily]'' What about my uncle? Did you give him a chance? Did you?! '''''Answer me!'''''] ''[Peter sees the carjacker's face, and realizes, through flashback, that the carjacker was the same guy who stole the money and killed Ben Parker.]'' ''[chuckles, and points gun at Peter's head]'' '''See ya.''' ''[Peter breaks the Carjacker's arm]'' ''[scared]'' '''No.''' **Who: The Carjacker **Notes: Said before falling out a window, after Peter breaks his arm and advances on him. *[Peter Parker: I have a father. His name was Ben Parker.] '''Godspeed, Spider-Man.''' *'''Oh.''' ''[gets impales by his glider, and groans in pain and blood loss]'' '''Peter? Don't tell Harry.''' **Who: Norman Osborn **Notes: Character is actually the Green Goblin, and wants Peter not to tell Harry that he is. The first line is his last as his Green Goblin persona; he sends his glider at Peter, but misses and accidentally impales himself. ====''[[Spider-Man 2]]'' (2004)==== *'''I will not die a monster.''' **Who: Otto Octavius/Doctor Octopus **Notes: Character had been possessed by the artificial intelligence inside his robotic arms and started experiment that threatened New York City. However, Spider-Man convinces him to see the error of his ways after temporarily disabling his A.I. Doctor Octopus then pulls on the supports of the fusion reactor, causing it and him to fall into the river. ====''[[Spider-Man 3]]'' (2007)==== *'''Peter! ''What are you doing?! NO!''''' **Who: Eddie Brock Jr./Venom **Notes: Character had been possessed by a symbiote and was pulled away by Peter. Peter then throws one of Harry's pumpkin bombs at the symbiote, which Brock tries to intercept. He and the symbiote are destroyed in the following explosion. *'''None of that matters Peter. You're my friend.''' [Peter: Best friend.] **Who: Harry Osborn **Notes: Character had been mortally wounded by Venom in the final battle. He had forgiven Peter for attacking him earlier, as well as realizing he was wrong about Peter having supposedly killed his father, the Green Goblin, in the first film, and come to aid him in the fight, but was impaled on his Sky Stick while protecting Peter from Venom. ====''[[The Amazing Spider-Man (2012 film)|The Amazing Spider-Man]]'' (2012)==== *'''Hey!''' *'''Peter?''' **Who: Ben Parker **Notes: The first line is said before he is accidentally shot by a robber that Peter had previously allowed to escape in the theatrical release. The second is said as he looks for his nephew, before being mugged and killed, in the original version. *'''Can you promise me that, eh? Promise me that.''' **Who: Captain George Stacy **Notes: He was severely wounded and clawed by Lizard before Spider-Man manages to stop his plan. Said to Spider-Man about keeping his daughter safe before dying. ====''[[The Amazing Spider-Man 2]]'' (2014)==== *'''I don't expect forgiveness from you anymore. I don't believe in miracles. How could you possibly understand that your childhood had to be sacrificed, for something greater? And not just for me, for you! Has your hand started to twitch yet, when you lie awake and feel it coming, crawling under your skin, waiting to show itself, to show you who you really are? Retroviral Hyperplasia. I never told you... that it's genetic. Our disease, the "Osborn Curse", and it began at your age. Your hand, give it to me. The greatest inheritance I can give you, isn't merely money. It's this. The sum total of my life's work. Everything I did to stay alive. Maybe you can succeed where I failed.''' **Who: Norman Osborn. **Notes: Character had been suffering from a genetic illness, and gives his life's work to his son, Harry, who is about to start suffering the same illness, believing Harry can find a cure for the illness. He is confirmed dead the next day, but it's unknown whether this is the last line he says. *'''Spider-Man, I bet you never saw this coming!''' **Who: Max Dillon/Electro **Notes: Character says this line before Gwen bursts in with a Police Car, running over him. He doesn't say any other lines afterwards, and the fight ends with Spider-Man and Gwen charging him with too much electricity, blowing him up. *'''Peter!''' **Who: Gwen Stacy **Notes: Said to Spider-Man before falling to her death. ===''[[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]]'' (2004)=== *'''Come on, kiddies, have some ice cream.''' ''[SpongeBob and Patrick scream in terror]'' '''I'll let you pet Mr. Whiskers!''' ''[the part of the tongue shaped like her cat Mr. Whiskers, who meowed. Both SpongeBob and Patrick screamed even more]'' ''[SpongeBob: Jump for it, Patrick!]'' **Who: Rockfish *'''HEY! You may not knew it, cowboy! But we got a rule around here about blowing bubbles!''' ''[He snaps his fingers, Everyone said the rules, Victor joins them.] '''All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by--''' ''[Dennis: SHUT UP!!]'' ''[He punch up into the sky]'' **Who: Victor *'''THAT'S IT! I'M TROUGH MESSING AROUND! SEE YA LATER, FOOLS!''' **Who: Dennis **Notes: Says this before he hits a catamaran, where Patrick responds to that by saying "See ya!". ===''[[Spooky Buddies]]'' (2011)=== *'''No! This can't be happening!''' **Who: Howlween Hound *'''NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!''' **Who: Warwick the Warlock ===[[South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut]]=== *'''WHAT?!!!''' **Who: Kenny **Notes: Said when the doctors replaced Kennys heart with a baked potato which give him only a few seconds to live and later on he died when his chest explodes. Kenny came back from the dead later on in future South Park episodes. *'''What have I done?''' **Who: Conan **Notes: was said after terrance and philip's arrest and then he commits suicide by falling into a car. *'''HAHA YOU MISSED ME!!!''' **Who: Baldwin guy **Notes: Was said when the Canadians bombed the Baldwins. They missed one but the next plane bombed that guy. *'''Terrance!''' **Who: Philip **Notes: says when Sheila shot Terrance. She then shoots Philip but later on Kenny’s wish bring the two Canadians back from the dead. *'''HEY, GUY! RELAX!''' *Who: Saddam **Notes: Said when Satan threw him into a spike which stabbed his heart. He came back from the dead in later South Park episodes. ===''[[Star Wreck: In the Pirkinning]]'' (2005)=== *'''Oh, shit.''' **Who: Festerbester **Note: Festerbester's actual last words, when the Excavator is finally destroyed. He intended to say something different as his last words, as he thought the Excavator was about to be destroyed for the first time. *'''We have nothing to be worried about!''' **Who: Fukov **Note: Said before his ship USSSR Kalinka crashes to Earth and explodes. *'''Nuts!''' **Who: Garybrandy **Note: Fails to stop self-destruction of Babel 13. ===''[[Steel Magnolias]]'' (1989)=== *'''Let's go call Daddy, okay?''' **Who: Shelby Eatenton ===''Stargate'' (1994)=== *'''I will send it myself!''' **Who: Anubis: **Note: Said in alien language volunteering to send the nuclear bomb to devastate Earth. He engages Col. Jack in a fierce fight over the nuke. Despite Anubis's skills, Jack quips to him "Give my regards to King Tut, asshole!" then forces the teleporter rings to cut off his head. *'''I am no longer amused. You will die together.''' **Who: Ra **Note: Said in alien language trying to kill Dr. Jackson by frying his brain. Thankfully, Col. Jack O'Neil forces the transporter rings to cut off Ra's hand. With his army at a disadvantage, Ra decides to escape on his pyramid ship. Seeing no other option, Jack and Jackson teleport the nuclear bomb to the ship and vaporize Ra in the explosion. ===''Star Trek''=== :''See [[last words in Star Trek media|last words in ''Star Trek'' media]].'' ===''Star Wars''=== :''See [[last words in Star Wars media|last words in ''Star Wars'' media]].'' ===''[[Starship Troopers (film)|Starship Troopers]]'' (1997)=== *'''At least I got to have you.''' **Who: Dizzy Flores ([[w:Dina Meyer|Dina Meyer]]) **Note: Said to Rico before dying from her wounds after their squad was attacked by bugs. *'''One day, someone like me...is gonna kill you, and your whole fucking race.''' **Who: Zander Barcalow **Note: Said to the brain bug before it kills him by using its proboscis to pierce his head and suck out his brain. ===''[[Storks (film)|Storks]]'' (2016)=== *'''Oh, no.''' **Who: Hunter **Note: He tried to escape, but thick wiring was blocking the emergency exit hatch, leaving him trapped inside the robot. Then, several small birds that he abused by playing golf over the years, stood on the machine, and caused it and the delivery service building to fall. As a final resort, he made an attempt to take Junior and Tulip down with him, but failed when Junior starts flying again. It's unknown whether Hunter survived the fall or not, but he never appeared for the rest of the movie. With Hunter and the package delivery factory gone, Junior was made the new boss and babies were delivered again. ===''[[Stuart Little (film)|Stuart Little]]'' (1999)=== *'''Oh, this water's damn cold! I can't believe this!''' ''[shakes]'' '''Beaten by a mouse and his pet cat! What could be worse?!''' ''[the dogs' barks are heard offscreen; voice fading]'' '''Oh, nice doggies! No! NOOOO!!!''' **Who: Smokey. **Note: Smokey gets out of the water after Stuart smack his head with the branches. Then, a pack of dogs is heard chasing Smokey offscreen and killing him. ===''[[Stuart Little 2]]'' (2002)=== *'''The party's over, fur-face!''' **Who: Falcon **Note: He had made an enemy out of the mouse Stuart Little by forcing his bird friend, Margalo, to do his bidding. During an aerial battle between Falcon and Stuart in his toy plane, Stuart suddenly parachuted away after briefly blinding him with the Sun's reflection caused by his mother's ring. Falcon collided with the plane and fell to his death in a trashcan. His remains were most likely eaten by Monty, a cat searching for food in that very trashcan. ===''[[w:Suicide Club (film)|Suicide Club]]'' (2002)=== *'''They're not the enemy.''' **Who: Kuroda **Note: Said before shooting himself out of grief after his whole family was murdered. *'''We have to do it now. We promised them.''' **Who: female high school student **Note: Said by her as she forces a classmate off the roof because of a suicide pact they made with a group of other students. She then follows. ===''[[Sunset Boulevard (film)|Sunset Boulevard]]'' (1950)=== *'''Goodbye, Norma.''' **Who: Joe Gillis **Note: He decides he's had enough of living with Norma's antics and walks out on her. She threatens to shoot herself but, out of rage, shoots Joe for being insensitive toward her feelings. ===''[[Sunshine (2007 film)|Sunshine]]'' (2007)=== *'''For seven years, I spoke to God. He told me to brings us all to heaven.''' *'''Neither did I. But you will find him...in the sunshine.''' **Who: Captain Pinbacker **Notes: First line is his actual last words, said while attack Cappa, before the skin on his arm is torn off. He is killed in the subsequent explosion. Second line is his original last words in a deleted scene, said when Cappa tells him he doesn't believe in God, before he throws himself to his death. *'''Finish it.''' **Who: Cassie **Notes: Said to Robert Cappa, after being injured in a fall, telling him to detonate the bomb. Is killed in the explosion. *'''Please...please...''' **Who: Robert Cappa **Notes: Said while trying to get the bomb to work, before it triggers and kills him. ===''[[Superman (disambiguation)#Films|Superman]]''=== * See [[Last words in Superman media]]. ===''[[Surrogates]]'' (2009)=== *'''Get lost, meatbag.''' ** Who: Jarid Canter **Note: Character says this line, through a surrogate robot, to a human biker, later revealed to be Miles Strickland. Strickland destroys Jarid's surrogate and that of Cameron McCallister instantly afterwards, which is revealed to have also killed them both in reality, due to the nature of the weapon used. *'''I swear, I couldn't tell you if my life depended on it!''' **Who: Miles Strickland **Note: Character says this line to the Prophet, who is interrogating him about the weapon, before killing him and confiscating the weapon. *'''Really, doctor, you should learn to live with your regrets. Now give me the gun.''' **Who: Andrew Stone **Note: Character says this line, through his surrogate, to Agent Peters' surrogate as it is being controlled by Dr Canter, to confront him about his intentions. Stone is then zapped with the anti-surrogate weapon, destroying the surrogate and killing Stone in real life. *'''You're too late. What I've done can't be stopped. Now you're gonna be a witness to the rebirth of humanity. That's my gift to you.''' **Who: Dr Lionel Canter **Note: Character says this line after completing what he believes to be the most important part of his plan to upload a virus from the weapon to the worldwide surrogate network, which would destroy all surrogates worldwide and kill anyone connected to them. Confident and satisfied that the plan's success is now inevitable, Canter then commits suicide with a cyanide capsule. ===''[[The Swan Princess]]''=== *[Derek: King William!] '''Derek...I...''' [Derek: Who did this?] '''It came so quickly...A Great...Animal.''' [Derek: Where is Odette?] '''Listen to me, Derek. It's not what it seems. It's not what it seems.''' [Derek: What's not? Where is Odette?] '''Odette is...Odette is...Gone.''' ''[dies]'' [Derek: ''[shocked]'' ODEEEEEEEEEEEETTE!!!!!!!!] **Who: King William **Source: ''[[The Swan Princess]]'' (1994) **Note: King William was attacked by The Great Animal. *[Derek: ''[in tears; to the sky]'' I made a vow for her. Do you hear me?! THE VOW I MADE WAS FOR HEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!] ''[appears]'' '''No need to shout.''' [Derek: ''[grabs him]'' Don't let her die.] '''Is that a threat?''' [Derek: Don't you dare let her die!] '''Oh, it is a threat.''' [Derek: You're the only one with the power. Now, DO IT!] ''[knocks him to the ground]'' '''Only if you defeat...me.''' ''[transforms into The Great Animal]'' **Who: Rothbart **Source: ''[[The Swan Princess]]'' (1994) **Note: Rothbart turns into The Great Animal, and Prince Derek killed him by shooting an arrow into his heart and sent him plunging into Swan Lake, exploding on contact. ===''[[The Swarm (film)|The Swarm]]'' (1978)=== *That came from the corridor. Cover me, I'll go look! **Who: Jerry **Note: One of General Slater's men working at the underground missile base in Marysville, Texas. He tests the alarm system which serves to attract the Africanized honey bees. He says this which is confirmed in a taped recording of the gone-wrong alarm test. He is killed along with everyone in the missile base, this sets the stage for Dr. Bradford Crane to investigate the situation. *Well, what. We're outta... We're outta control! **Who: Air Search One Pilot **Note: One of General Slater's pilots investigating black mass of bees attacking Texas. He spots them and when they swarm his chopper, he says this before his chopper crashes into the ground. *Ah, I can't sir! I'm losing power! OH MY GOD! **Who: Air Search Two-Eight Pilot **Note: One of General Slater's pilots investigating black mass of bees attacking Texas. When the bees swarm his chopper, Slater tries to warn him for evasive action, but this pilot says he can't. Seconds later, his chopper crashes killing him instantly. *Yeah, okay. **Who: Paul Durant **Note: A kid who was afflicted with the venom of the killer bees after watching his parents die. In the aftermath of the Marysville attack by the swarm, he says this when advised by Crane to go back to the hospital. Sadly, the strain is too much for him and he dies. *Well, I suppose that's so; But I can't shake this feeling that something's closing in on all of us. **Who: Maureen Schuester **Note: A Marysville school teacher in a triangle of love with Mayor Tuttle and retiree Felix Austin. On the train ride away from Marysville, she says this fearing the bees will finish them off. The bees indeed cause the train to fly off the tracks and likely kill her and her would-be lovers. The total of survivors from the crash are said to be only seventeen. *The bees! Let's get the hell outta here! **Who: Dr. Hubbard **Note: One of Dr. Bradford Crane's friends in the fight against the Africanized honey bees attacking Texas. He tries to convince Dr. Andrews to shut down the nuclear plant which is in the path of the bees. He says this when the bees attack; He and Andrews are unable to outrun the swarm which overwhelms them and kills them in the nuclear power plant explosion. This leaves the body count and thirty-six thousand, four hundred and twenty-two lives lost to the swarm. ===''[[Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007 film)|Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street]]'' (2007)=== *'''What d'you say to that, now,''' ''[affects Italian accent]'' '''Mr. Sweeney Todd?''' **Who: David Connelly, a.k.a. Adolfo Pirelli (Sasha Baron Cohen) **Note: Pirelli has revealed himself to be a fraud and is attempting to blackmail Todd, remembering him from 'the old days' when he was Benjamin Barker. He laughs at Todd, who then becomes enraged and bashes him repeatedly with a kettle. When this fails to kill him, he slits his throat with a straight razor. *'''Now, where shall I cut?''' **Who: Mr. Fogg, the head of the asylum **Note: Anthony has entered the asylum pretending to be a wigmaker's apprentice to free Johanna. He pretends to need her hair, and when Fogg goes to cut it, Anthony pulls a gun and leaves with Johanna. Fogg is then killed by the lunatics he imprisons (and foully calls his "children"). *'''Hey, don't I know you, mister...?''' **Who: Beggar Woman/Lucy **Note: Spoken to her husband, Benjamin Barker, a.k.a. Sweeney Todd, who does not recognize her and kills her in a panicked rush as the Judge approaches. *'''Benjamin Barker!''' **Who: Judge Turpin (Alan Rickman) **Note: Said after realizing that Sweeney Todd, the barber shaving him, is a man that he sentenced to prison in order to get his wife. Sweeney then shouts "BENJAMIN BARKER!" and viciously stabs the judge repeatedly before slitting his throat. Turpin dies of blood loss a few minutes later. *'''Just keep living it / Really living it-!''' **Who: Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter) **Note: Sung along with Todd before he throws her into her bake oven and slams the door, causing her to burn to death. *'''There was a barber and his wife / And she was beautiful / A foolish barber and his wife / She was his reason and his life / And she was beautiful / and she was virtuous / and he was...''' **Who: Sweeney Todd (Johnny Depp) **Note: Sung while holding the dead body of his wife, whom he unknowingly killed. He is then murdered by Toby, his would-be honorary son. ===''Sword of the Valiant'' (1984)=== *'''Casper! Shoot him!''' **Who: Oswald **Note: A lustful prince who commands an army led by his father Baron Fortinbras. During his fight with Gawain, he desperately cries this out to his bowman Casper to help him, but Baron Fortinbraas forbids outside interference. Gawain impales the prince with his sword and declares "That's one score settled." then Fortinbras insists to be taken away from the battleground. *'''The full circle of the year... has turned... Just as every green shoot of spring returns at last to the earth from which it woke to life so return I...''' **Who: Green Knight **Note: The knight who challenges Gawain to a little contest to solve a riddle within a year's time. When Gawain fails, he and the knight have a duel. Gawain cuts a mortal wound into the knight and seeing that his opponent has won, the Green Knight gives this monologue as he fades away into dust. ==T== ===''[[The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974 film)|The Taking of Pelham One Two Three]]'' (1974)=== *'''Excuse me, do you people still execute in this state?''' [Garber: What? Oh, execute. No, not at the moment.] '''Pity.''' **Who: Bernard Ryder/Mr. Blue **Notes: The leader of the subway highjacking gang demanding a $1 Million ransom, having been cornered, Mr. Blue/Ryder asks if New York will execute for his crimes, then receives a negative from Garber. Mr. Blue says it's a pity, then steps on the 3rd rail and fries himself. ===''[[w:The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009 film)|The Taking of Pelham 123]]'' (2009)=== *'''You're my goddamn hero.''' **Who: Ryder/Dennis Ford **Notes: The man behind the highjacking of Pelham 123, Garber confronts Ryder/Dennis Ford on the Manhattan Bridge. Not wanting to face jail time, Ryder gives the dispatcher a 10-second countdown to execute him. In the final seconds of the countdown, Garber shoots him. Before drawing his dying breath, Ryder brands his killer his hero. ===''[[Talk Radio (film)|Talk Radio]]'' (1988)=== *'''Sure, what did you say your name was?''' **Who: Barry Champlaine **Note: Said to a man asking him for an autograph, before said man pulls out a gun and shoots him. ===''[[Tango & Cash]]'' (1989)=== *'''Let them come, Mr. Perret.''' **Who: Quan **Notes: One of Perret's henchmen, Quan, decides to allow Tango & Cash inside of the compound. He is soon killed in a shootout with the cops. *'''Well pretty boy, I'd like you to watch me pleasure your sister slow and easy. But I only got a few minutes to carve you up!''' **Who: Requin **Notes: Perret's British henchman, Requin holding Tango's sister, Katherine hostage, tosses her aside to "carve up" the cop duo. After their fight, Cash holds a grenade and tells him "You never talked about Plan C, asshole." then throws the armed grenade into his pants and dares "You think it's a dud?!" Requin is punched away and the grenade does this time explode, blowing up Requin. *'''Business as usual. And you, will be a meaningless headwound.''' **Who: Yves Perret **Notes: A drug smuggler and longtime nemesis of Tango & Cash, Perret, holding Katherine at gunpoint announces he will leave. Just as he prepares to execute Katherine, Tango & Cash kill him with two headshots. ===''[[Tank Girl (film)|Tank Girl]]'' (1995)=== *'''It's not over...it's not over...it's not, it's not, it's not...''' **Who: Kesslee ([[w: Malcolm McDowell|Malcolm McDowell]]) **Note: Last words after Tank Girl plugs a device into Kesslee's body, which sucks all the water out of him. *'''Fuck me.''' **Who: Sergeant Small **Note: Said after trying to escape the Water and Power HQ by jet; while getting into the cockpit, he notices the laser sight of a gun aimed at his head. Rebecca/Jet Girl (who has the gun) responds with "How many times do I have to tell you? I don't want to." then shoots him. ===''[[Taxi Driver]]'' (1976)=== *'''Get the fuck out of here, man! Get outta here!''' **Who: 'Sport' Matthew **Note: Character says this after an arguement with Travis, while throwing his cigarette at him and kicking him. Travis responds by pulling out a gun and shooting him in the gut. Sport then draws his own gun and shoots Travis in the neck, but this doesn't kill Travis who shoots Sport another three times, killing him. *'''You crazy son of a bitch! I'll kill you! I'll kill you! I'll kill you! I'll kill you! I'll kill you! Ugh! I'll kill you!''' **Who: Doorman **Note: Said to Travis near the end of the climactic shootout, tackling him in a rage after Travis blew his hand off. Travis is then able to stab his other hand with a knife, shooting him in the head afterwards. *''[pointing finger to his head like a gun]'' '''Pgghew! Pgghew! Pgghew!''' **Who: Travis Bickle **Note: After being critically wounded in a shootout, Travis is approached by police. He looks at them, mimics the gun shot above, and presumably dies. (The following sequence at the end of the film may be only his mind). ===''[[w:A Taxi Driver|A Taxi Driver]]'' (2017)=== *'''Take care of yourself! Don't worry about us!''' **Who: Hwang Tae-sool **Note: A local Gwangju taxi driver. While the ROK forces are in hot pursuit, Hwang bids these to Seoul taxi driver Kim Man-seob and German news reporter Jurgen "Peter" Hinzpeter. To buy time for them to escape, Hwang sets his taxi cab into reverse and rams into the ROK pursuit group. He does not survive. ===''[[Team America: World Police]]'' (2004)=== *[Gary: [[w:Susan Sarandon|Susan Sarandon]]!] '''Oh, thank God. We have stop the ceremony; Kim Jong-Il is mad! Here, let me loose. I'll show you where the theater is.''' [Chris: All right.] [Gary: No! Chris, stay away from her!] [Chris: Fuck you. She wants to help us.] [Gary: No, Chris. She's acting.] '''I am not. The others tied me up because I wouldn't go along with their plans.''' [Gary: You're skills are fading with age, Ms. Sarandon.] '''You shall die a peasant's death!''' ** Who: Susan Sarandon ** Notes: Character unsuccessfully attempted to convince Gary and Chris that she was a prisoner of the actors, and attempted to get up to gun them down. However, Gary recognizes that she is just acting and shoots her with his assault rifle, sending her falling to her death. *'''Let's go, bitch! I've done action films. Come on!''' ** Who: [[w:Helen Hunt|Helen Hunt]] ** Notes: Sarah, using a sword, slashed her in half after a duel. *'''[[w:Matt Damon|MATT DAMON]]!!''' **Who: Matt Damon **Note: Matt Damon has his neck snapped while fighting near the end of the movie. His only lines in the movie are him saying his name repeatedly throughout the film. *'''Come on! Stop tryin' to hit me, and ''hit me!''''' **Who: [[w:Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson]] **Note: Said after being annoyed with not being hit. He says this line, and Chris obliges and kicks his head and mouth open, killing him instantly. *'''''Don't fucking move!'' Now, isn't that a shame? You came so close to stopping peace, but you see, peace always finds a way. Goodbye, Team America.''' [Chris: I've just got one piece of bad news for you, Robbins.] '''What's that?''' [Chris: I'm a smoker.] ** Who: Tim Robbins ** Notes: Character had the team at gunpoint, but Chris throws a lit cigarette at some gasoline that he had spilled on the ground, igniting it and burning Robbins alive. In a deleted scene, Chris said that cigarettes "can save your life." *'''Uh...global warming...and corporate America...''' [Kim Jong-Il: ''[angrily growls]'' '''''YOU ARE WORTHLESS, ALEC BALDWIN!'''''] **Who: Alec Baldwin **Notes: After Gary has turned the dignitaries at the peace conference against Kim Jong-Il with his "dicks, pussies and assholes" speech, Kim Jong-Il demands that Alec Baldwin do something. When Alec attempts to mesmerize the crowd with a speech again (although having completely lost his composure and charisma), Kim Jong-Il gets angry, and deems him worthless, firing on him with an assault rifle, killing him when his head explodes. ===''[[w:Tears of the Sun|Tears of the Sun]]'' (2003)=== *'''Guess we're there...right boss?''' **Who: Michael 'Slo' Slowenski **Note: Said in regards to trying to make it to the extraction point. *'''Come on! Go! Come on!''' **Who: Terwase **Note: Screamed to his troops as they pursue Lt. Waters, moments before he is blown up by a missile strike. ===''[[The Ten Commandments (1956 film)|The Ten Commandments]]'' (1956)=== *'''Who are you?!''' [Moses: ''[while strangling him]'' One who asks what right you have to kill a slave!] '''The right of a master to kill you or any slave!''' [Moses: Then kill me, master butcher!] ''[realizing his identity]'' '''MOSES!''' **Who: Baka **Note: The Master Builder for the city of Thebes. When Moses moves to save Joshua from being lashed to death by Baka, he identifies himself causing Baka to be surprised at his attacker before being strangled to death. ===''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]'' films === :''See ''[[last words in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles media|''last words in ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'' media'']]''.'' ===''[[Terminator (franchise)|Terminator]]'' films === :''See ''[[last words in Terminator media|''last words in ''Terminator'' media'']]''.'' ===''[[w:The Last Stand (2013 film)|The Last Stand]]''=== *'''Now we finished talkin'. You get the hell outta here!''' **Who: Parsons **Notes: A milk farmer in Sommerton is approached by Burrell who's preposing a commercial to be filmed on his farm. It is actually part of a plan to get Gabriel Cortez into Mexico. Parsons warns Burrell to leave, and is told to "take the lead" before being shot in the head. *'''He likes you, too.''' **Who: Deputy Jerry Bailey **Notes: A deputy under Ray Owens, Jerry is shot by Burrell's goons. After getting in Owens' car for safety, he knows his friend Frank Martinez likes fellow deputy Sarah Torrance, then he dies of his injury. *'''Who the hell are you?''' **Who: Thomas Burrell **Notes: Gabriel Cortez's top henchman. Being cornered on a school bus after part of his ear is shot by Owens, Burrell asks who he is, before being shot dead. Owens answers "I am the Sheriff.". ===''[[The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning]]'' (2006)=== *'''Oh Lord, help me!''' **Who: Sloane **Notes: Said while giving birth to her son the future Leatherface, she dies a few seconds later. *'''I'm your friend, Hewitt!''' **Who: Thomas Hewitt's (ex) boss **Notes: Character is a slauterhouse/meat packiging plant owner. He fires his employee Thomas Brown "Leatherface" Hewitt and when he refuses to leave, his boss calls him a "retard who belongs in the shit hole." Insulted, Thomas kills him with a sledgehammer, before dying, the boss says the above line to try to make his attacker stop to no effect. ===''[[Theatre of Blood]]'' (1973)=== *'''You...It's you! But you're dead...!''' **Who: George Maxwell **Note: Said after being cut to the point of bleeding to death by Lionheart's drunken friends. Edward Lionheart who wants revenge on the Critics Circle that ruined his career simply replies, "Another critical miscalculation on your part, dear boy. I'm fine. It is YOU who are dead." He is buried while Lionheart quotes one of his Shakespeare plays ''Julius Caesar''. *'''Lionheart, I came here for an interview, not for a lecture on Shakespeare. Now, tell us this remarkable story of your resurrection.''' [Edward Lionheart: Its a grave tale, Snipe, and difficult to write, but I am sure you can rise to the occasion.] ''[Edward launches Hector Snipe onto the stage with the meths drinkers surrounding him]'' '''Stand back! Get out of the way!''' **Who: Hector Snipe **Note: Said as he tries to get the story on Lionheart's survival of his fall when he almost killed himself. Being used for a rehearsal of ''Troyius and Cressida'', Hector is dragged before Lionheart on stage who quotes "The dragon wing of night oerspreads the earth, My half-suppd spear, that frankly would have fed, Pleased with this dainty bait, thus goes to bed!" and runs Hector through with the spear. He then ties the lifeless critic to a horse to send a warning to Devlin's Critics Circle. *'''Oh, dear. Was I?''' **Who: Horace Sprout **Note: Said while sleeping in bed with his wife never knowing that Edward and Edwina have snuck into his home hiding in a trunk. In a recreation of ''Cymbeline'', the Lionhearts quietly cut off his head. The next morning, the murder is discovered by the maid and his wife. *'''Lionheart...''' [Edward Lionheart: ''[getting ready to cut out Dickman's heart]'' Do you still think that my Shylock was inadequate? That is the adjective you used, I believe. inadequate.] '''No, no. The best. The best! I always said you were the best.''' [Edward Lionheart: No, the best is given the Critics Award! Why did you vote against me?!] '''I didn't, it was Devlin. Now let me go, please. LET ME GO!''' [Edward Lionheart: Devlin? You craven scum. You're hardly worth the trouble and expense of this special performance.] '''Oh, NO, NO, NO!!!''' **Who: Trevor Dickman **Note: Said while trying to defend Devlin's decision on giving the Critics Circle award for Best Actor of the Year to an up-and-coming William Woodstock. Edward doesn't buy it and cuts out Dickman's heart to write his own conclusion of ''The Merchant of Venice''. After that, Edward sends Dickman's heart as a warning to Devlin. *'''Oh, no, no, please, please. Oh, please...No, no! No, don't! No, please don't!''' **Who: Clarence Larding **Note: Said when Edward wants to recreate a scene from ''Richard III'' in the basement of a wine store. The meths drinkers then forcefeed Larding a barrel of wind and drown him while Edward quips "I wonder if he'll travel well." *'''Don't. Don't, please. You don't understand. No! No! No!''' **Who: Maisie Psaltery **Note: Said whilst Solomon Psaltery has been manipulated by Edward Lionheart into thinking his wife is having an affair in a manner similar to the play ''Othello''. Solomon suffocates her with a pillow and Edward gets away leaving Solomon to be taken in by the police for the murder. *'''What are you doing? You know, I'm very uncomfortable. I can't move.''' **Who: Chloe Moon **Note: Said while getting her hair curled and hands tied down by Butch (who is actually Edward Lionheart). Lionheart remembers the story of ''Henry VI, Part 1'' where Joan of Arc was burned at the stake for witchcraft. The disguised Edwina gags Chloe Moon to prevent her from yelping for help clearly. Edward then powers up the curlers while quoting his play and sets it to maximum power eventually frying her. *[Edward Lionheart: Will you ever again ruin the reputation of an honest man?] '''No!''' [Edward Lionheart: ''[feeds Meredith some of the pie made from his dogs]'' Have you learnt your lesson?] '''Yes.''' [Edward Lionheart: Can I be certain that you will never again offend me?!] '''Yes!''' **Who: Meredith Merridew **Note: Said while being forced to eat a pie made from the two dogs he was looking after. To make certain of his word, Edward quotes ''Titus Andronicus'' as he sets a basin of the pie in Meredith's mouth then uses a plunger to force it down until he chokes to death. *'''Horatio to Fortinbras. We are stopping. They are getting out.''' [ train is whistling on Dogge's radio end] '''I hear a train whistle. Yes, I can definitely identify it as a train. T-R-A-''' **Who: Sgt. Dogge **Note: Said while radioing his partner Inspector Boot on Edwina leaving the car and onto train tracks. As a result, the train crashes into Edwina's car and kills Dogge. This is heard form Boot's radio conversation. *'''We are not the first. Who, with best meaning, have incurred the worst. For thee, oppressed king, am I cast down.''' **Who: Edwina Lionheart **Note: Said after getting her skull cracked by the female Meths Drinker with the Critics Circle award trophy which was meant for Edward Lionheart (but Devlin awarded it to William Woodstock since Edward's performances in his perspective lacked originality). Edwina then passes away in her father's arms. *'''Had I your tongues and eyes, I'd use them so that heavens vault should crack! She's gone forever! I know when one is dead, and when one lives; She's dead as earth.''' **Who: Edward Lionheart **Note: Said as he mourns the loss of his daughter while firefighting crews battle the blaze at the old theatre which Lionheart had caused while quoting his final play ''King Lear''. Just then, a flare shoots up and burns Edward alive causing him to fall to his death into the burning theatre. ===''[[Thelma & Louise]]'' (1991)=== *'''You sure?''' **Who: Louise Elizabeth Sawyer *'''Yeah. Hit it.''' **Who: Thelma Yvonne Dickinson ([[w:Geena Davis|Geena Davis]]) **Note: After being chased to the edge of the Grand Canyon in their car, Thelma and Louise decide to face death rather than be captured by the police, so they drive right over the edge of the Grand Canyon. ===''[[w:There Was a Crooked Man... (1970 film)|There Was a Crooked Man...]]'' (1970)=== *'''Stop 'em! Get in there and stop 'em, you chink son of a bitch! STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP!''' [''Ah-Ping grabs Legoff''] '''What're you doing?! Stop it! Let go of me! Let go of me, ah, you Chi-AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!''' **Who: Warden Francis E. LeGoff **Note: Said when trying to get the riot at his prison under control, but the deaf-mute prisoner Ah-Ping grabs him so hard it snaps the warden's spine fatally. *'''No... I wouldn't do that to you, Paris...! Ask Lopeman...! I'm your FRIEND!''' **Who: Floyd Moon **Note: Said when trying to escape with Paris. Paris suspecting betrayal guns him down. *'''Oh shit...''' **Who: Paris Pitman Jr. **Note: Character is getting his money that he stole only to be bitten by a snake. He from the poison after saying this. Lopeman leaves his body at the prison and takes the money to Mexico. ===''[[There Will Be Blood]]'' (2007)=== *'''I met a man in King City who said he was your brother. We were friends for months, working in King City. And he wanted to make his way to you Daniel. We didn’t have any money. He died of tuberculosis. He wasn’t harmed. He wasn’t killed, nothing bad. But he told me about you. I just took his story, used his diary. Daniel… Daniel? I’m your friend. I’m not trying to hurt you, just survive.''' **Who: Henry Brands **Note: Character is shot in the head at point-blank range by Daniel after he makes this explanation. *'''We're family! We're brothers! We're brothers! Daniel, please forgive me, I beg you-''' **Who: Eli Sunday **Note: After this line is said, Daniel beats him to death with a bowling pin. ===''[[They Live]]'' (1988)=== *'''Fuck it.''' **Who: Nada **Note: Said before destroying a satellite dish which disguised the aliens living among them (aliens were disguised as humans to control the world's resources). Nada is shot by the police when he shoots the satellite. *'''Well?''' **Who: Frank **Note: Last words to Nada when he and Nada storm the Cable 54 station to try and destroy the satellite dish. On their way up, they find Holly (who Nada was attracted to) but she ends up double crossing them and shoots Frank. ===''[[The Thing (1982 film)|The Thing]]'' (1982)=== *'''Who's that?''' **Who: Fuchs **Note: Said while trying to hunt an intruder after the power in his quarters fails. Minutes later, MacReady, Nauls and Windows find the lifeless Fuchs burned suggesting he was burned by a Thing, or burned himself before the Thing could assimilate him. *'''Clear!''' **Who: Dr. Copper **Note: Called out during his attempts to restart the heart of Norris, who unbeknownst to him or anyone else has become a Thing. The Norris-Thing, mistaking Copper's attempts at defibrillation for an attack, splits its chest open and transforms it into a huge mouth which bites off Copper's arms, causing him to die from shock and blood loss. *'''Yo.''' **Who: Windows **Note: Said when ordered by MacReady to tie down Palmer to see which of the remaining crew has been assimilated. Using blood flowing from slit thumbs, MacReady realizes Windows was not affected and regains a modicum of his trust. When Palmer fails the test and reveals he has become a Thing, MacReady orders Windows to burn it alive. Frozen with fear, the Palmer-Thing brutally eats Windows' head and tosses him aside. Before a Windows-Thing can be formed, MacReady reluctantly burns him after killing the Palmer-Thing. *'''It's ''gone'', MacReady.''' **Who: Garry **Note: Said in response to MacReady asking if the generator can be repaired, with Garry clarifying that he means the generator's been physically removed rather than damaged or destroyed. Later, as he's setting charges to destroy the base, Garry is ambushed by the Blair-Thing, who fuses his hand into Garry's face and presumably absorbs his entire body off-screen. ===''[[The Thing (2011 film)|The Thing]]'' (2011)=== *'''Is there something wrong?''' **Who: Olav **Note: After the helicopter transporting Olav to get medical assistance is ordered to turn around, Olav asks this to Griggs. Griggs then reveals himself to be a Thing and attacks Olav, with the two presumably being killed in the helicopter crash. *'''Where's Lars? Where the fuck is Lars?!''' **Who: Peder **Note: Carter and Jameson, having survived the earlier helicopter crash, are accused of being Things by Peder, leading to them shooting him dead when he threatens them with a flamethrower. *'''It's going to ignite!''' **Who: Jonas **Note: With the fuel tank on Peder's flamethrower having been ruptured when he was killed, Jonas tries to warn off Edvard, who is severely injured by the resulting explosion. As Jonas carries him into the rec room, Edvard's left arm suddenly breaks off and transforms into a miniature Thing, which attacks and begins assimilating Jonas, forcing Kate to kill him with her own flamethrower. *'''It's got air in the pipe.''' **Who: Derek Jameson **Note: As the Edvard-Thing attacks the group with a tentacle, Jameson tries to diagnose the cause of the flamethrower's malfunction. He then tries to shoot the Edvard-Thing, which in turn uses its tentacle to fatally stab Jameson in the chest. Kate then burns his body to prevent him from becoming a Thing. *'''Burn it! No! No, no!''' **Who: Adam Finch **Note: Having been severely wounded by the Edvard-Thing's tentacle, Adam tries calling out to Kate and Carter, who haven't yet been able to get the flamethrower working. Before they have the chance to do so, the Edvard-Thing attacks Adam and fuses its face with his, subsequently absorbing his entire body into itself and creating the "Split-Face" monster seen in the 1982 film. ===''[[The Three Musketeers (1993 film)|The Three Musketeers]]'' (1993)=== *'''I might have been mistaken.''' **Who: Rochefort **Note: Spoken to [[w:The Three Musketeers|D'Artagan]], after being stabbed at the end of a fight he was convinced he would win. Just before this, he had said: "One thing is certain, you are no Musketeer." ===''[[Thunderbolt and Lightfoot]]'' (1974)=== *'''I believe you're right.''' **Who: Lightfoot **Notes: John "Thunderbolt" Doherty's partner. As he and Lightfoot drive on celebrating their victory over their heist, Lightfoot believes Thunderbolt is right about his condition. Earlier, Red Leary had beaten Lightfoot to the point where his skull would be breached. After saying this, Lightfoot dies of his internal injuries with a smile. ===''[[Timeline (film)|Timeline]]'' (2003)=== *'''Take me with you...''' **Who: Sir De Kere/Robert Decker **Note: Said to Andre Marek, after being mortally wounded, when Marek reaches to take De Kere's chip, used for returning to the present. ===''[[w:Timecop|Timecop]]'' (1994)=== *'''Maaax!!!''' **Who: Melissa Walker **Notes: Max Walker's wife. Just before she could tell Max she was pregnant, the Walker's home is attacked by a gang of henchmen under Senator McComb from the future. She tries to yell out to Max, but their home and Melissa are blown up. Later, Max learns that McComb messed with the events of the past and makes things right, reviving Melissa in the future. *'''Take care of yourself, Max.''' **Who: Lyle Atwood **Notes: Max Walker's former partner working with McComb, he is taken from the Great Depression era to face trial. As he is found guilty for refusing to testify against McComb, Lyle bids this to Max before his death sentence is carried out, with Lyle landing fatally on a 1920s car. It is unknown if he is seen again after McComb is destroyed. *'''Keep him away from me.''' [Max: The same matter can't occupy the same space. I'm still kicking. I must be on Broadway.] '''Nooo!!!''' **Who: Future Aaron McComb **Notes: The future incarnation of Senator Aaron McComb from the future trying to be president. As part of his plan to rule over time, he intends to kill Max Walker and his family in the past. However, the past McComb arrives at Walker's home. While Melissa breaks free, the future McComb injures Max's wife. Then, he tries to keep the younger part of him away, but Max reminds him of how the same matter can't be in the same space, and gloats with his kicking skills, he could be on broadway. Max then kicks the younger McComb into the older one, then the two become a bloody mass that begins to dissolve until there is nothing left. ===''[[Titanic (1997 film)|Titanic]]'' (1997)=== *'''Daddy, it's a ''ship.''''' ** Who: Cora Cartmell ** Note: Her father says to her, "It's a pretty big boat, huh?" just before they leave. Cora says this line, correcting him. This is her only line. Cora's death is seen in a deleted scene entitled, "Cora's Fate". *'''Women and children first. Yes.''' *''[deleted scene]'' '''This is the captain, this is the captain! Come back to the ship! The fools.''' ** Who: Captain Edward Smith ** Note: Smith gives the command to Second Officer Lightoller to begin evacuating the ship. Later, after all the lifeboats have left, he locks himself in the ship's wheelhouse as it's being overtaken by water, eventually dying when the weight of the water bursts through the windows. The second line is from a deleted scene where he fruitlessly tries to order the half-full Lifeboat No. 6 to return to the ship and collect more passengers, only for Quartermaster Hitchens to disregard his order. *'''Captain. Captain, where should I go?''' ** Who: Third-Class lady ** Note: Asks Captain Smith this, but he does not respond. Later, the lady is seen floating dead in the water holding her baby. *'''Where you go, I go.''' ** Who: Ida Straus ** Note: Said in a deleted scene. Ida and Isador, her husband who she said the line to, are later seen lying in bed as their room floods with water. *'''No, thank you. We are dressed in our best and are prepared to go down as gentlemen. But we would like a brandy.''' ** Who: [[w:Benjamin Guggenheim|Benjamin Guggenheim]] ** Note: He was offered a lifebelt, but he turned it down. Later, he is seen sitting by the staircase with water surging toward him as he watches with an alarmed expression. *'''What could possibly be funny?''' *''[deleted scene]'' '''You little shit.''' ** Who: Lovejoy ** Note: After attempting to shoot Rose and Jack, Cal comes up the stairs just as Lovejoy enters. Cal laughs. Lovejoy asks why he is laughing, leading Cal to tell Lovejoy that Rose is wearing the coat that the Heart of the Ocean is in. Later on, Lovejoy can be seen clinging to a rail as the ship splits apart beneath him. The second line is from a deleted scene where he fights with Jack (revealing how he had blood on his face where he dies), who punches Lovejoy and rams his head twice, gloating "Compliments of the Chippewa Falls Dawson's!" before socking his gut. *['''Murdoch:''' Stay back!] '''''WILL YOU GIVE US A CHANCE TO LIVE, YOU LIMEY BASTARD?!''''' ['''Murdoch:''' ''I'll shoot any man who tries to get past me! Get back!''] '''''BASTARD!!''''' ** Who: Tommy Ryan ** Note: Spoken to First Officer [[w:William Murdoch|William Murdoch]], who is refusing to let any men into lifeboats. A few seconds later, Murdoch, who believes Tommy is trying to get into a lifeboat (Someone accidentally pushes Tommy forward), shoots him in the gut. Tommy dies immediately. This incident never happened in real life. *'''''GET BACK!''''' ['''Cal:''' We had a deal, damn it!] ''[Murdoch throws money at Cal]'' ['''Crewman:''' Any more women and children?!] '''Your money can't save you any more than it can save me. ''Get back!''''' ** Who: First Officer William Murdoch ** Note: Says this while denying Hockley's permission to board a lifeboat. Someone pushes Tommy Ryan forward, leading Murdoch to believe Tommy is trying to get in. He shoots Tommy, then, realizing he has killed an innocent man, he salutes Chief Officer Henry Wilde, who sees Murdoch put a gun to his head and yells "No, Will!", but he shoots himself in the head, and falls into the water. This was not the case in reality, since no one truly knows if he did shoot himself. *'''''Bastardo!''''' ** Translation: '''Bastard!''' ** Who: Fabrizio De Rossi ** Note: Says this because [[w:William Murdoch|William Murdoch]] has shot Tommy Ryan, a good friend of Fabrizio's, dead. Later on, he is crushed by a falling funnel. Fabrizio's last word is the same as Tommy's, except Italian. *['''Rose:''' Wait, wait, wait! Mr. Andrews.] '''Oh, Rose.''' ['''Rose:''' Won't you even make a try for it?] '''I'm sorry that I didn't build you a stronger ship, young Rose.''' ['''Jack:''' It's goin' fast. We have to move.] '''Wait.''' ''[gives Rose lifebelt]'' '''Good luck to you, Rose.''' ['''Rose:''' And to you.] ** Who: Thomas Andrews ** Said to Rose, lamenting his failure to correct the ship's design flaws, before she hugs him good-bye and leaves with Jack. He makes no attempt to save himself and perishes when the ''Titanic'' sinks. How Andrews actually died in reality is unknown. *'''And so, they live for 300 years in the Land of ''Tir Na Nog,'' the Land of Eternal Youth and Beauty.''' ** Who: Irish mother ** Note: Telling her children a bedtime story as the ship sinks, not having been able to get off. The children do not seem to understand what is going on. *'''Gentleman, it has been a privilege playing with you tonight.''' ** Who: Wallace Hartley, bandmaster of the Titanic orchestra ** Note: Says this to the other band members as water surges toward them. The band had chosen to stay behind and continue playing a heartfelt performance of [[w:Nearer My God to Thee|Nearer My God to Thee]]. *'''No! You'll swamp us!''' ** Who: Caledon "Cal" Hockley ** Note: Yells this as people swarm the lifeboat he is in, and he fights them off, making these his last spoken words in the movie. 101-year-old Rose reveals that 17 years later, after the Wall Street Crash of 1929 financially ruined him, he committed suicide by putting a pistol in his mouth and pulling the trigger. *'''Get those breakers in! Keep them in!''' ** Who: Chief Engineer Joseph Bell ** Note: Gives this order to the workers while struggling to maintain the ship's electrical power as it sinks. He dies off-screen moments later when the ship breaks apart. *'''Return the boats!''' ** Who: Chief Officer Henry Wilde ** Note: Tries to recall the lifeboats to pick up people in the water after the ship goes down. By the time Fifth Officer Harold Lowe comes looking for survivors, Wilde has succumbed to hypothermia. *'''Promise me now, Rose...and never let go of that promise.''' ['''Rose:''' I promise.] '''Never let go.''' ['''Rose:''' I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go.] ** Who: Jack Dawson ** Note: Said to Rose. Realizing that he will not survive, he makes Rose, who is lying down a wooden board, promise him that she will not give up and that she will live on, as he slowly dies of [[w:Hypothermia|hypothermia]]. Rose later sees a lifeboat coming and tries to tell Jack but soon, she realizes that Jack has died. Remembering the promise she made to Jack, she tries to call out, but her voice is weak from hypothermia. Then she lets go of his dead hand, ad after she says, "I'll never let go. I promise.", she kisses his hand and lets him to sink below the water. ===''[[w:To Live and Die in L.A. (film)|To Live and Die in L.A.]]'' (1985)=== *'''How you doing, pal. This is from Jimmy Hart from the desert. Remember this? Suck on that for a while.''' **Who: Richard Chance ([[w:William L. Peterson|William L. Peterson]]) **Note: Said to Rick Master's right before being shot by one of Rick's henchmen. *'''Why didn't you take the deal Grimmes offered ya? Wouldn't blow over on your partner, huh?''' **Who: Rick Masters ([[w:Willem Dafoe|Willem Dafoe]]) ===''[[Tombstone (film)|Tombstone]]'' (1993)=== *'''Remember what I said about seein' a light when you die? It ain't true. I can't see a damn thing.''' **Who: Morgan Earp ([[w:Bill Paxton|Bill Paxton]]) ===''[[Tomorrowland (film)|Tomorrowland]]'' (2015)=== *'''The girl.''' **Who: Ursula Gernsback **Note: Said before Athena decapitates her and self-destructs. *'''Crazy enough to imagine. Crazy enough to imagine...''' **Who: Hugo Gernsback **Note: Said after he is accidentally impaled by Ursula and before he self-destructs. *'''You wanna tell me what's going on here, son?''' **Who: Police Captain **Note: Said before Dave Clark (who is revealed to be a robot) disintigrates him with a plasma gun. *'''John Francis Walker, by authority of Governor Nix, this unit has been authorized to extinguish your life.''' **Who: Dave Clark **Note: Said before he is blown apart. *'''Goodbye, Frank.''' **Who: Athena **Note: Said before she shuts down and self-destructs. *'''Oh, bollocks.''' **Who: David Nix **Note: Said before he is crushed to death by the Monitor's remains. ===''Top Gun'' films=== ====''[[Top Gun]]'' (1986)==== *'''I'm trying! I'm trying!''' **Who: LtJG. Nick "Goose" Bradshaw **Note: Said while trying to reach the ejection handle when he and Maverick are caught in a flatspin caused by Iceman. Goose is killed when he ejects head-first into the jettisoned canopy. ====''[[Top Gun: Maverick]]'' (2022)==== *'''One last thing. Who's the better pilot? You or me?''' **Who: Adm. Tom "Iceman" Kazansky **Note: Said during his last conversation with Maverick, who answers "This is a nice moment. Let's not ruin it." Iceman dies of throat cancer later on. ===''[[Total Recall]]'' (1990)=== *'''Uh uh, pal, you got yourself mixed up with somebody else!''' **Who: Harry **Notes: Character is threatening Quaid/Hauser for endangering the mission Cohagen had sent them on. But in defense, Quaid uses his leg to snap Harry's neck, then kills his three thugs after that. *'''The walls of reality will come crashing down. One minute, you'll be the savior of the rebel cause; next thing you know, you'll be Cohaagen's bosom buddy. You even have fantasies about alien civilizations as you requested; but in the end, back on Earth, you'll be lobotomized! So get a grip on yourself, Doug, and put down that gun!''' ''[Quaid lowers his gun]'' '''Good, now take the pill and put it in your mouth.''' ''[Quaid sets a pill in his mouth]'' '''Swallow it!''' **Who: Dr. Edgemar **Notes: Being the spokesman of Rekall, Dr. Edgemar tries to get Quaid to swallow a red pill that he thinks will return him to reality. But Quaid spots sweat on his face and guns him down. *'''Sweetheart, be reasonable. After all, we're married.''' **Who: Lori Quaid **Note: Character is trying to get Douglas Quaid/Carl Hauser to drop his guard, but he doesn't fall for it and shoots her in the head, then tells her to "Consider that a divorce." *'''Where the fuck are you?!''' **Who: Benny **Note: Character loses track of Quaid while trying to mow him and Melina down with a mining tank. When Quaid uses a handheld drill to breakthrough the tank, he gloats "SCREW YOU!" then impales Benny. *'''You're coming with me!''' ''[Quaid pulls Richter closer as another part of the ceiling comes in]'' '''NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!''' **Who: Richter **Note: Cohaagen's top henchman who wanted to kill Quaid/Hauser for making love with his girlfriend, Lori. During the battle near the Mars reactor, Richter fights Quaid in an elevator and tries to pull him off to their deaths. However, Quaid uses a part of the ceiling to sever Richter's arms, making him fall instead. Quaid then throws the arms and bids "See you at the party, Richter!" *'''No! Don't do it! We'll all die! Everybody will die! No!''' **Who: Vilos Cohaagen **Note: The corrupt headman of the Mars Colonial city. He says this thinking the Mars Reactor's activation will kill all life on Mars, but is blown outside to Mars' toxic atmosphere. While Quaid barely manages to activate the reactor just in time, Cohaagen convulses from Mars' toxic air and dies while his eyes and tongue bulge out. ===''[[w:The Happytime Murders|The Happytime Murders]]'' (2018)=== *'''Freeze, punk.''' **Who: Vinny *'''What the...''' **Who: Bob the Octopus *'''Please, I have 48 kids.''' **Who: Bumblypants *'''Hey, Brittenie! Hurry back cause it's hot tub is too hot to handle without you.''' **Who: Larry Philips *'''They're not friends of mine.''' **Who: Lyle *'''The Wife!''' **Who: Goofer *'''He won't shoot me. He's a blue loser puppet with a tiny felt cock!''' **Who: Sandra ===''Tokyo Gore Police''=== *No! No! [Ruka: Go to hell!] No! NO! Don't! Stop wait! **Who: Tokyo Police Commissioner General **Note: The Tokyo police commissioner who is the true villain behind the murder of Ruka's father. With Ruka having become a monstrous engineer herself, she fights the commissioner in a tense sword fight even when he uses his blood like a jetpack. When rendered at her mercy, he pleads this but Ruka says "It's time for you, to RETIRE!" and decapitates him. ===''[[The Towering Inferno]]'' (1974)=== *'''Hey!''' **Who: Will Giddings **Note: Engineer for the Glass Tower, he says this as he pushes a security guard away from the burning storage room door catching fire himself. He dies of his injuries off camera the first of the casualties of the Glass Tower fire. *'''Turn your face away.''' ''[Lorrie turns her face away as the door is opened and the flames are raging, and Dan Bigelow closes the door.]'' ['''Lorrie:''' There never were any firemen, were there?] '''I said that to make it easier on you. I switched off the phones. There's no way to call out. Nobody knows we're up here.''' ['''Lorrie:''' Well, I always did want to die in vain.] '''Nobody's going to die.''' ['''Lorrie:''' For one thing, at least they'll never find out about us, will they?] ''[Bigelow reconsiders what Lorrie said, then he decides to put wet towels on his head and run through the flames]'' '''I used to run the 110 Flat.''' ''[opens door as the fire rages]'' ['''Lorrie:''' Don't go.] '''I'll be back with the whole fire department.''' ''[looks to the flames]'' '''On your mark...''' **Who: Dan Bigelow **Note: Duncan's chief of Public Relations for the Glass Tower. While preparing for the party, he realizes the 65th floor is on fire and learns he cut off the phone lines. Determined to save himself and his girlfriend Lorrie, Dan Bigelow promises this to her and rushes through the flames with a wet towel. Sadly, his efforts are in vain, and he is burned alive. *'''''DAN!!!!!!''''' **Who: Lorrie **Note: Said after Dan Bigelow is caught on fire and dies after trying in vain to get the Fire Department. As Lorrie is choking of the smoke, she uses a chair to break a window which, unfortunately, causes a backdraft. Then she shrieks as she is lit ablaze, and jumps out of the window while screaming, and falls to her death. ===''[[The Toxic Avenger]]'' (1984)=== *'''I owe you for the other night, monster faggot! So now we're gonna give you six new assholes, compliments of me, Cigar Face! Fire!''' **Who: Cigar Face **Note: Said to Toxie as Cigar face and his men surround him to shoot him. They fire at Toxie, but he quickly jumps out of the way and the bullets hit each other, killing them. *'''Give me the wheel! Just give me the wheel, you're gonna kill both of us!!''' **Who: Bozo **Note: Said to Toxie who literally gives Bozo the wheel by ripping it out the car; The car ends up driving off a cliff and explodes, killing Bozo but leaves Toxie unharmed. *'''Get away from me! No, please don't! Ah, get away from me, leave me alone! I'll make you a deal, I'll give you 10%, anything, just leave me alone! Don't hurt me, I'm too young to die, please don't hurt me, please!!!''' **Who: Mayor Belgoody **Note: Said to Toxie while begging not to be hurt. However, Toxie proceeds to rip out the Mayor's intestines. ===''[[This is The End]]'' (2013)=== *'''WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!''' **Who: Cashier **Note *'''Oh my God, I'm gonna die!!!!''' **Who: Christopher Mintz Plasse **Note: Said while falls in the sinkhole ===''Train to Busan'' (2016)=== *'''Are you on your way?''' [Seok-woo: Yes, we're en route. ''[zombie noises are heard]'' Where are you? Why is it so loud?] '''What's happening? Everyone's fighting. Are you and su-an okay?''' [Mrs. Woo begins to breathe eratically Seok-woo: Why're you breathing like that?] '''Seok-woo, my baby. Please take care of Su-an.''' [Seok-woo: Mom, you okay?] '''My dear, Su-an...I love her so much, but she only...wants her mom!? That bitch...!''' **Who: Mrs. Woo (Seok-woo's mother) **Note: Seok-woo's mother. Seok-woo takes the call from his already bitten off-camera mother who spouts barbs about his wife and implores him to get Su-an to safety in Busan before she turns into a zombie. *'''Yoon Su-yun! Our baby's name! Got it?!''' **Who: Yoon Sang-hwa **Note: A husband on the train with his wife, Seong-kyeong pregnant with a soon to be born child. Having been bitten while getting his wife and Su-an to safety, he holds the door long enough to tell the name of his soon to be born child. He holds the zombies at bay until he is infected and the zombies overpower him. *'''You idiot. Good riddance. Always helping yourself before others. Why'd you have to do that? What was the point? So stupid...What a load of shit.''' ''[Jong-gil goes to take one last look at her zombified sister]'' '''Thank you for everything.''' **Who: Jong-gil **Note: An elder who loses her sister to the zombies while traveling. She admonishes Yon-suk and the other passengers who confidently took his side for going against Seok-woo's party out of fear they were infected on the way to the passenger's car. She sees her zombified sister one last time and deliberately allows the zombies access to get back at Yon-suk, allowing the zombies to kill her and the other passengers who unfortunately chose to stay with the COO. *'''What now?!''' **Who: Jin-hee **Note: A highschool cheerleader who was to cheer for Yong-guk's team in an away baseball game. She says this after she and her boyfriend are separated from Seok-woo's party trying to transfer to another train. While Yong-guk tries to open a locked train door, Yon-suk forces her into the path of a zomboe which bites her leg. She turns while Yong-guk mourns her. *'''This can't be...I'm sorry...''' **Who: Min Yong-guk **Note: A highschool baseballer who was to take part in an away game. At the railyard, Yon-suk forces Jin-hee into the path of the zombies. Yong-guk says these mourning his girlfriend who turns and bites him. *'''Help me...!''' **Who: KTX Captain **Note: The conductor of the KTX train to Busan. He is bitten by zombies as he pleads this to Yon-suk. *'''Go! Hurry!''' **Who: Homeless man **Note: An unnamed man who travels with Seok-woo's party. At East Daegu station railyard, the zombies burst from a broken down train and this man says these as he sacrifices himself to hold off the zombies who overpower him. *'''Mister...I'm so scared...Please, take me home...! My mom is waiting for me...! My address is...Suyoung District, Busan...Please help me!''' [Seok-woo: You. You're infected.] '''No...No...! No! I can't be...! No!''' **Who: Yon-suk **Note: The COO of Stallion Express who cowardly tries to save himself and ensure his own safe arrival in Busan by any means. As the KTX captain gets one train on its route, Yon-suk boards and is infected along the way. In his delusions, he pleads these to Seok-woo before giving into his infection. After an intense fight, the zombified Yon-suk bites the fund manager's hand until Seok-woo throws him from the train. *'''Sweetie. Look at me. Su-an. It's okay. Look at me, look at me, sweetie. Su-an, I need you to...listen to me. Stay with her, no matter what happens. Okay? It'll be...It'll be safe in Busan. Okay?!''' **Who: Seok-woo **Note: A fund manager who is the father of Su-an. Having been bitten by the infected Yon-suk on the transfered train taking them to Busan, he says these to his daughter for her to stick with Seong-kyeong for the rest of the ride. With no way back, he thinks of his time with Su-an then casts himself from the train so as to not put his daughter, Seong-kyeong or anyone in Busan in danger. ===''[[Training Day]]'' (2001)=== *'''What a day! What a motherfuckin' day!''' **Who: Alonzo Harris **Note: Said after he has been effectively brought down by Jake Hoyt after the events of the day. He drives away afterwards and is shot to death by the Russian mobsters he was supposed to pay. ===''[[Transformers (film series)|Transformers]]'' film series=== :''See ''[[last words in Transformers media|''last words in ''Transformers'' media'']]''.'' ===''[[w:Triple Cross (1966 film)|Triple Cross]]'' (1966)=== *'''You know what your orders are... if I resist arrest?''' [''Grunen smokes a cigarette''] '''I command you to carry out your orders!''' **Who: Col. Baron von Grunen **Note: Said when facing arrest by Col. Steinhäger. He instead walks away to refuse going to court martial and is gunned down by SS-Hauptsturmführer Keller. Steinhäger then says "It wasn't necessary. Somebody else would have done it for us." ===''[[Troll 2]]'' (1990)=== *'''Let's hide in this house.''' **Who: Cindy **Note: Said as she accompanied a wounded Arnold to a house in order to hide from a pack of goblins. There, she is poisoned with a broth given to her by the goblin's queen, Creedence Leonore Gielgud. The broth turns her into a vegetable, and she is consumed by goblins shortly after, prompting the infamous "Oh my God!" line delivery by Arnold. *'''I don't feel so good.''' **Who: Drew **Note: Said as he attempted to drag Arnold (who has been turned into a plant and potted) out of Creedence's mansion. Drew had previously consumed tainted Nilbog milk, causing him to become sick and presumably die off-camera. *'''No, please, ma'am. I beg you, uh, what are you gonna do...what are you gonna do to me with that?''' **Who: Arnold **Note: Having been turned into a plant and potted by Creedence Leonore Gielgud after drinking the same poisoned broth as Cindy, Arnold says this to a chainsaw-wielding Gielgud just before he is cut out of the pot (while laughing uncontrollably) and turned into a milkshake. He is presumably consumed by a then-unconscious Drew, who was knocked out by Creedence for attempting to escape with Arnold. *'''Cut it out, kid. You'll never be able to stop us. And as for you, old man, go back to your kingdom of shadows. I order you, for the sacred power of the magic stone and its lord, go back to hell!''' **Who: Preacher Bells **Note: After stealing the Molotov cocktail that Joshua and Grandpa Seth's ghost were going to use to burn the goblins to death, Bells proclaims this and uses his power to send Grandpa Seth back to hell. At the last moment, Grandpa Seth casts a "sacred spell" taught to him by a friend and summons a lightning bolt, which blows up the cocktail in the Preacher's hand and causes him to burn to death. *'''No more. No more popcorn.''' **Who: Brent **Note: Brent had been seduced by Creedence in an unusual manner that involved kissing a corn cob together, resulting in a massive amount of popcorn flooding the RV. Line is said after Brent surfaces from underneath the popcorn and "drowns" off-screen. *'''Remember, it's only the power of goodness that can defeat the goblins.''' **Who: Grandpa Seth **Note: After the Waits family held a séance that gave him ten minutes to attain a physical presence in the real world before being permanently sent back to the afterlife, this line is said to Joshua as he begins to fade from the world. *'''Aah! Don't do it! Think about the fats in your blood! Think about the cholesterol! Think about the toxins! Oh! Oh! No! NO!!!''' *'''INGRATE!!!! AAAAAGGGH!!!!!!''' **Who: Creedence Leonore Gielgud **Note: First line is said after Joshua produces Grandpa Seth's secret weapon against the goblins: A double-decker bologna sandwich (which makes Joshua poisonous to the vegetarian goblins when consumed). The second line is said as Joshua and his family use the power of goodness on Stonehenge to kill Creedence and the goblins. *'''I think I'll take a shower first.''' **Who: Diana Waits **Note: Said to Joshua while eating an apple, which has been tainted by the four goblins in disguise as the Presents family during the house swap. Off-camera, the tainted food turns Diana into a plant, and Joshua discovers the goblins, previously disguised as the Presents family who took over their home during their exchange in the country consuming the remains in the kitchen. *'''They're... eating my mom.''' **Who: Joshua Waits **Note: Said to himself when he finds a group of four goblins, previously disguised as the Presents family, eating his mother transformed into a plant by their magical poison they put on the fruit. When one goblin saw him and asked him, "Do you want some, Joshua?", Joshua instead screams in horror before the film ends, fading into black and making his fate unknown. ===''[[Trolls (film)|Trolls]]'' (2016)=== *[Prince Gristle Jr.: But, Daddy...I never got to eat a Troll. What's gonna make me happy now?] '''Come here, son...nothing. Absolutely nothing. You will never, never, never, never be happy.''' [Prince Gristle Jr.: Never?] '''Ever.''' **Who: King Gristle Sr. **Note: He blames Chef for letting the Trolls escape (as she was responsible for the preparation of the feast) and banishes her from Bergentown, prompting Chef to vow revenge on Bergentown for her humiliation. That night, Prince Gristle asks what will make him happy now that the Trolls have escaped. The King picks up his son and sadly tells that nothing will make him feel happy. 20 years later, Prince Gristle is now King of the Bergens, hinting that his father either died, stepped down or was dethroned. *'''Watch out, Branch!''' **Who: Grandma Rosiepuff **Note: She ran up just in time to push Branch out of the way of Chef's hand that reached down to scoop him up. He fell off the tree and down to the ground, calling out, "Grandma?!" --But it was too late. Chef had grabbed his grandmother and carried her off. The last we hear from her are shrieks of fear and pain. When Branch found out Grandma Rosiepuff was killed by being eaten, he blamed himself for not hearing her warnings. He was devastated and scarred for life, making his colors turn the gray-blue we see him as for most of the film. Since he lost his true colors when he was only five years old, he was without his true colors for most of his life. *'''But wait, wait, wait!''' **Who: Creek **Note: After Poppy and the other Trolls make peace with the Bergens, Creek, along with Chef is knocked out of the Bergen castle. Chef then betrays Creek by trying to eat him, but before this can happen, both are eaten alive by a hill monster. ===''[[Tron (franchise)|Tron]]'' films=== :''See ''[[last words in Tron media|''last words in ''Tron'' media'']]''.'' ===''[[Tropic Thunder]]'' (2008)=== *'''Oh.''' **Who: Damien Cockburn **Note: Said after stepping on a land mine. Said land mine explodes and kills him a split-second later. ===''[[Troy (film)|Troy]]'' (2004)=== *'''The fight is not over! Stand back, Prince Hector. I'll kill him at your feet, I don't care!''' **Who: Menelaus **Note: Character has challenged Paris to a duel after Helen's elopement with him, and insists on killing Paris even when he surrenders. Hector kills Menelaus in his brother's defence. *'''So you're the best of the Trojans!''' **Who: Ajax **Note: Character says this to Hector while trying to crush him. Hector manages to break free and kill him. *'''I thought it was you I was fighting yesterday, and I wish it had been you. But I gave the dead boy the honor he deserved.''' **Who: Hector **Notes: Character has been challenged by Achilles, who seeks revenge for Hector slaying his cousin Patroclus. Achilles kills Hector in the following duel. *'''The boatman waits for us. I say we make him wait a little longer!''' *'''Paris! Save yourself!''' **Who: Glaucus **Note: Character is killed by Odysseus while making one last stand against the Greeks (he is describing Charon, the ferryman of the Underworld in Greek mythology). (The second quote is from the Director's Cut, in which Glaucus urges Paris to escape before his death.) *'''Have you no honour?! HAVE YOU NO HONOUR?!''' *'''Please...Troy's children...spare the innocents...''' **Who: Priam **Notes: Character is killed by Agamemnon as Greek soldiers destroy a temple. (The second quote is from the Director's Cut, in which Priam begs Agamemnon to spare Troy's children with his last breath.) *'''You'll be my slave in Mycenae. A Trojan priestess scrubbing my floors. And at night-''' **Who: Agamemnon **Notes: Character is speaking to Briseis as he attempts to abduct her during the sacking of Troy. She stabs him in the throat. *'''You gave me peace, in a lifetime of war. Now go...go...go...''' **Who: Achilles **Notes: Character is speaking to his lover, Briseis, after being hit by multiple arrows (the first arrow hitting his heel, while the rest hit him in the chest) fired by Briseis' cousin, Paris, who had originally thought Achilles was trying to kidnap Briseis, but stops when Briseis begs him. After Briseis and Paris leave, Achilles removes the arrows lodged in his chest, but dies before he could remove the arrow in his heel, making the Greek soldiers who arrive shortly after believe that he was killed by that one arrow. ===''[[True Grit (2010 film)|True Grit]]'' (2010)=== *'''If you blow, I will kill you!''' **Who: Emmett Quincy **Notes: Said as Moon, an accomplice, reveals details about a meeting with Ned Pepper. Quincy mortally wounds him, and Cogburn shoots him dead moments later. *'''I will meet him again walking the streets of glory.''' **Who: Moon **Notes: Referring to his brother, who he had just mentioned. *'''Well, Rooster, I'm shot to pieces. Seems as though neither of us is to see Judge Parker.''' **Who: "Lucky" Ned Pepper **Notes: Said after a gunfight with Cogburn, holding him at gunpoint. LeBoeuf snipes him moments later. *'''I'm growing old...''' **Who: Reuben "Rooster" Cogburn **Notes: Last on-screen words. Character is revealed to have died 25 years on from the film's events. *'''Your father was a busybody like you. In honesty, I do not regret shooting him. He thought Tom Chaney was small. And you...you would give me an affidavit. You are all against me. Everything is...''' **Who: Tom Chaney **Notes: He is knocked unconscious after this line is said; however, he says nothing after recovering, and is eventually shot dead by Mattie. ===''[[Twister]]'' (1996)=== *'''I can't hold it anymore!''' **Who: Mr. Thornton **Notes: Jo's father years prior to the story. In Kansas, Mr. Thornton spotted a tornado heading for the Thornton farm and got his family to shelter. He held onto the shelter door crying this to keep his wife and daughter Jo from being carried away in the storm. Eventually the tornado carries him to his death and though his wife and daughter survived, the farm is devastated. *'''The base is so HUGE! It must be at least a mile wide!''' **Who: Eddie **Notes: Jonas' driver on his team. When he spots a massive tornado, he comments on its mile-wide size. Despite Bill and Jo's warnings, he is killed when a piece of debris pierces him through the windshield of Miller's pickup truck. *'''LOOK OUT!''' **Who: Jonas Miller **Notes: A scientist competing with Bill and Jo Harding to gather data on a tornado for an early warning system. Bill and Jo try to warn him to make their D.O.T.3 load heavier or get out. Sadly, when he spots debris heading towards his truck, Jonas yells this but he and Eddie are carried upwards by the tornado and their truck is blown up on impact with the ground. ===''[[Twisters]]'' (2024)=== ==U== ===''[[Underworld (film series)|Underworld]]'' series=== ====''[[Underworld (2003 film)|Underworld]]'' (2003)==== *'''It has already begun.''' **Who: Singe **Notes: Said after it is reported that Amelia has been killed and bled dry. Knowing what it means, Singe says this line and laughs, before Viktor kills him. *'''Lucian!''' **Who: Raze **Notes: Said after finding Lucian "dead", before transforming into his Lycan form. He tries to attack Viktor, but is promptly killed. *'''You may have killed me...cousin. But my will...is done regardless.''' **Who: Lucian **Notes: Said to Kraven after Selene bites Michael, turning him into a Hybrid. Kraven then shoots Lucian to death. *'''Time to die!''' **Who: Viktor **Notes: Said to Michael Corvin while strangling him. Selene then takes Viktor's own sword and cuts his head in two. ====''[[Underworld: Evolution]]'' (2006)==== *'''Please...I can assist you.''' **Who: Kraven **Notes: Said to Markus, after he drinks his blood to learn his memories, before he cuts Kraven's head in half. *'''Please. Please. I beg you, please. Please, I beg you.''' **Who: Andreas Tanis **Notes: Said to Markus as he prepares to drink his blood to learns his memories. Markus then bites his throat open. *'''Go now.''' **Who: Alexander Corvinus **Notes: Said to Selene, after prompting her to drink his blood. She then leaves with the Cleaners, and Alexander kills himself by blowing up his ship. *'''You all right?''' **Who: Samuel **Notes: Said to one of the Cleaners, who Selene catches as he almost falls off a bridge. William then grabs and kills him. *'''I knew Viktor made a mistake keeping you as a pet. He should have killed you, with the rest of your family.''' **Who: Markus Corvinus **Notes: Said after impaling Selene through the chest with one of his wing spears. Selene then rips the spear off, impales Markus through the skull, and then shoves him into the helicopter blades behind him, slicing him to pieces. ===''[[Unforgiven]]'' (1992)=== *'''I'll see you in hell, William Munny.''' **Who: Little Bill Daggett ===''[[Universal Soldier (1992 film)|Universal Soldier]]'' (1992)=== *'''Kill her! Kill that motherfucking traitor...! THAT'S AN ORDER!!!!''' *'''You're dead soldier...''' **Who: Sgt. Andrew Scott **Note: Luc Deveraux's former superior gone crazy believing everyone to be traitors. He orders this to Luc who refuses to comply and the deranged sergeant kills the two Vietnamese villagers anyway. In a fit of rage, Luc and Scott kill each other. Their deaths are covered as "misisng in action" and they are reanimated as Universal Soldiers. For his second last words, Scott says these during his final fight with Luc who replies "No... I'm alive!" remembering his reanimation process. Luc impales Scott on a hay harvester and to make certain, shreds him to bloodied pieces as he tauntingly bids "You're discharged, Sarge...!" *'''NOOOOO...!!!''' **Who: Luc Deveraux **Note: A cajun soldier who partook in the Vietnam War. Upon learning his sergeant had lost his mind, he fights his former comrade and kills him before dying of his wounds. Their deaths are covered as "misisng in action" and they are reanimated as Universal Soldiers. *'''Hey, she didn't do anything!''' **Who: Huey Taylor **Note: Veronica Roberts' cameraman for CNA. When captured by Scott/GR13 and Luc/GR44, the former GR's memories trigger causing him to say these and Scott blatantly executes the cameraman. Veronica is framed for the crime. *'''Get back into the truck, GR13. The mission is canceled! GR13; I said it's over.''' **Who: Col. Perry **Note: The colonel being the UniSol project. With his evidence about to go public, he decides to cancel his mission and when he tries to call out to Scott/GR13, the UniSol revels in his real name before firing a bullet into Perry's eye and usurps command of the UniSol team. ===''[[Unstoppable (2010 film)|Unstoppable]]'' (2010)=== *'''Slow down, goddamn it!''' **Who: Judd Stewart **Note: Character says this line while trying to slow down 777 with his own lash-up train. The attempt goes wrong and the lash-up is subsequently derailed. As a result, it blows up, killing Stewart. ===''[[Untamed Heart]]'' (1993)=== *'''It was a good game, eh?''' **Who: Adam **Notes: Character is returning home from a hockey game on his birthday with his girlfriend. After their romantic day together, he quietly dies of a heart defect in the car. ===''[[The Untouchables]]''=== *'''What are you prepared to do...?!''' **Who: Jim Malone **Notes: A member of Ness's Untouchables team. He chases the Bowtie Driver out of his home but is riddled with machine gun fire by Frank Nitti. Giving Ness information on Al Capone's secondary bookkeeper Payne, he says this before dying of his injuries. *'''One...!''' **Who: Bowtie Driver **Notes: One of Al Capone's flunkies. He demands that he and the bookkeeper Payne be allowed safe passage out of Chicago or else he would execute him in front of Ness and George Stone. He starts his countdown at this number, but Stone shoots the henchman squarely in the head and says "Two!" *'''He died screaming, like a stuck Irish pig. Now you think about that when I beat the rap.''' ''[angered by this, Ness grabs Nitti and pushes him toward the rooftop ledge]'' '''Hey, hey, HEY!''' **Who: Frank Nitti **Notes: Al Capone's top henchman. Despite losing his fight with Elliot Ness, Nitti is confident that he will escape justice having killed Jim Malone. But Ness throws him off the courthouse rooftop with Nitti screaming. Ness then yells out "DID HE SOUND ANYTHING LIKE THAT?!" while Nitti falls fatally through a car. ===''[[Up (2009 film)|Up]]'' (2009)=== *'''Enough! I'm bringing that bird back with me, ALIVE... OR DEAD!''' **Who: Charles Muntz **Notes: Character had long sought after a rare bird, found in South America, and was convinced that main character Carl Fredrickson was attempting to steal the creature. He attempted to dispatch of Carl in several ways, but eventually tumbled off of his zeppelin to his death. ===''[[The Usual Suspects]]'' (1995)=== *'''What time is it?''' **Who: Dean Keaton *'''Hello.''' **Who: Todd Hockney *'''It's the strangest thing...''' **Who: Michael McManus ==V== ===''[[w:Vampire Hunter D (1985 film)|Vampire Hunter D]]''=== *'''Tell me, was your father our sire Count Dracula?''' **Who: Count Magnus Lee **Notes: After being impaled against the wall in their final confrontation, Count Lee asks about D's birth father but dies without an answer. ===''[[w:Virus (1999 film)|Virus]]'' (1999)=== *'''That's pretty impressive. All it needs is a head...Wait a minute...You don't mean...?''' ''[Avatar nods]'' *I'm still your captain, Foster... You must learn some respect **Who: Captain Everton **Notes: Everton has allowed the Alien computer virus to attach his head to one of it's cyborg minions. After he says this, one of their crewmates sticks a thermite bomb in his body cavity. ===''[[V for Vendetta (film)|V for Vendetta]]'' (2006)=== *'''You. It is you.''' [V: The Ghost of Christmas Past.] **Who: Lewis Prothero **Note: V reminds him of the times when Prothero was a commander. From that information, he figures out V's identity and says this line, while V says his line. It is unknown how he died afterwards, but it is revealed that V gave him one of his roses and killed him afterwards. *'''I'm so sorry.''' **Who: Delia Surridge **Notes: Delia, the only person involved with Norsefire's power grab who feels any remorse for what she did, has been fatally poisoned by V. She asks if an apology will mean anything, and when he says it will, she apologizes, then dies. *'''Die! Die! Why won't you die!? Why won't you die?''' [V: Beneath this mask, there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask, there is an idea, Mr. Creedy. And ideas are bulletproof.] **Who: Peter Creedy **Notes: V kills him after temporarily surviving a hail of gunfire. *[Evey: I don't want you to die...] '''That is the most beautiful thing you could ever have given me.''' **Who: V **Notes: Character is dying from gunshot wounds after killing Creedy and his men. Dialogue at previous points at the film indicated that he expected to die. ===''[[Vanilla Sky]]'' (2001)=== *'''I'll see you in another life...when we are both cats.''' **Who: David Aames **Notes: The ending implies that he may not be dead, though it is up to interpretation. ===''[[w:The Vikings (film)|The Vikings]]'' (1958)=== *'''It is by his right.''' **Who: Queen Enid **Notes: The widow of the King of Northumbria who had conceived Ragnar's child. She notices the birthright the pommel stone of the Northumbrian royal sword Requiter on his necklace. They work to protect his identity. Twenty years after this, she passes away. *'''Odin!''' **Who: Ragnar Lodbrok **Notes: The fearsome viking king who is father to Einar. When taken captive by Aella, Eric is ordered to cast him bounded into a pit of wolves. Not wishing him to die in disgrace, he cuts his ropes and loans him the sword to allow him to enter Valhalla. Ragnar yells this in euphoria even as he jumps into the pit and is eaten alive by the wolves. As punishment, Eric's left hand is severed. *'''ODIN!''' **Who: Einar **Notes: A Viking who was the child of King Ragnar and half brother of Eric. In his final fight with Eric, he hesitates for the killing stroke allowing his brother Eric to run him through with his sword. In his final throes of life, Eric loans him his sword for passageway into Valhalla and cries this out before dying of his injuries. ===''[[w:Volcano]]'' (1997)=== ==W== ===''[[Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story]]'' (2007)=== *'''Holy shit.''' **Who: Nate Cox **Notes: Said after being cut in half and seeing the bottom half of his body fall down. *'''I'm okay!''' **Who: Ma Cox **Notes: Said after surviving tripping on a radio wire, and falling out of a window. She died when the radio fell out through the same window and crushed her head. *'''I love...I love..''' *'''You know those three words you always wanted to hear? Well, here they are. I love y-''' **Who: Pa Cox **Notes: His last words are different between the theatrical version and the director's cut. The first line is said in the theatrical version, after cutting himself in half while trying to kill Dewey. He gets over his grudge against Dewey and tries to say "I love you", but dies before saying the last word. In the director's cut, he says the second line, again dying before he can finish the last word. ===''[[WALL·E]]'' (2008)=== *'''Halt.''' **Who: SECUR-T **Note: Near the end of the film, Wall-E, EVE and a group of "Reject Bots" are surrounded by SECUR-Ts sent by Auto. Those robots are destroyed by EVE's laser fire, and a malfunctioning massage robot. *[Captain McCrea: ''[sees the manual switch while struggling]'' Auto, you are relieved of duty! ''[flips switch from AUTO to MANUAL]''] '''Nooooooooo...''' **Who: AUTO **Notes: Said as he is deactivated by Captain McCrea. ===''[[Wanted (2008 film)|Wanted]]'' (2008)=== *'''Never send a sheep to kill a wolf.''' [Cross: They were just decoys. Goodbye, Mr X.] **Who: Mr X *'''A thousand...''' **Who: The Exterminator *'''You're my son...''' **Who: Cross *'''Pussy.''' **Who: Butcher *'''Fuck the code.''' **Who: Gunsmith *'''Oh, fuck.''' **Who: Sloan **Notes: Character says line after realizing he's standing on a marker for a sniper. He is then shot in the head and killed. ===Warner Bros. films=== :''See [[last words in Warner Bros. animated films]].'' ===''[[Watchmen (film)|Watchmen]]'' (2009)=== *'''It's a joke...S'all a joke. Mother forgive me.''' **Who: Edward Blake (The Comedian) {[[w:Jeffery Dean Morgan|Jeffery Dean Morgan]]} **Note: Beaten up by former Watchmen team member Ozymandias ([[w:Matthew Goode|Matthew Goode]]), and thrown out the window of his apartment building. *'''No! NO!!''' **Who: Child Molester **Note: After confessing to Rorschach that he murdered a young girl and fed her to his Dobermans, he begs for Rorscach to take him into jail. Instead, the vigilante takes a butcher knife and axes the crook in the head with it, killing the man on impact. *'''You know, maybe I can give you an autograph, huh? What you say, big boy?''' ** Who: Prisoner. ** Note: The prisoner then attempts to stab Rorschach with a shiv; Rorchasch throws cooking oil on him, hideously disfiguring him, and he dies later that night. *'''You're dead, Rorschach! We got a prison full of killers out here, what've you got?''' ** Who: Lawrence. ** Note: As Lawrence reaches through the bars of Rorschach's prison cell, Rorschach breaks his hands, then ties his arms together, forcing Big Figure to have Lawrence's arms cut off so he can get into Rorschach's cell. Lawrence then dies of blood loss. *'''Nothing personal, big guy.''' ** Who: Big Figure's other thug. ** Note: Said before he cuts off Lawrence's arms with a power saw; he then cuts his way into Rorschach's cell, and charges Rorschach, who smashes his head into the toilet, and steps away while the thug is electrocuted to death when water from the toilet reaches the electrical cord for the power saw. *'''Of course you must protect Veidt's new utopia. What's one more body amongst the foundations? Well, what are you waiting for? Do it. DO IT!!''' **Who: Walter Kovacs (Rorschach) {[[w:Jackie Earl Haley|Jackie Earl Haley]]} **Note: Rorshach was about to reveal a secret that would result in World War III and nuclear Armageddon. He was blown apart by Dr. Manhattan before he could get the chance. ===''[[West Side Story (film)|West Side Story]]'' (1961)=== *'''Yeah...We can. We will...''' **Who: Tony **Notes: As character was lay dying from a gunshot, his love, Maria, attempted to convince him that they could still live together. ===''[[w:Westworld (film)|Westworld]]'' (1973)=== *'''I-I'm shot.''' [Martin: What?!] '''I'm SHOT!''' **Who: John Blane **Notes: Peter Martin's best friend during their time at Westworld. After the bar fight, unaware of the malfunctions taking place around Delos, Martin and Blane meet the Gunslinger outside. John Blane volunteers to duel him and is shot. Blane says this surprised at being shot, then the Gunslinger fires again, this time killing him. *'''Draw.''' **Who: Gunslinger **Notes: The gunfighter who is normally programmed to lose to guests in gunfights. But when the malfunctions begin to cause the robots to run amuck, the Gunslinger kills John Blane, then dares this to Peter Martin. After that, what ensues is an intense cat-and-mouse chase through the resort concluding in Medievalworld where Peter fries the robot and after minutes causes it to be fused. ===''[[White Heat]]'' (1949)=== *'''Made it, Ma! Top of the World!''' **Who: Arthur "Cody" Jarrett ([[James Cagney]]) **Note: Ranked 18th in the AFI's top 100 quotes. Shouted by Jarret who's wounded and surrounded by police, just before he commits suicide by blowing up the large gas tank on which he's standing. ===''[[w:White Oleander (film)|White Oleander]]'' (2002)=== *'''Stay with me, promise. Don't leave.''' **Who: Claire Richards **Notes: Spoken to her foster daughter of almost two years, Astrid. The two fall asleep together and when Astrid awakens, she finds Claire has committed suicide, distraught over her failing acting career and problems with her husband. ===''[[Who Framed Roger Rabbit]]'' (1988)=== *'''Unless Acme's will shows by midnight tonight, Toontown's gonna be land for the free-''' **Who: R.K. Maroon **Note: R.K. Maroon was attempting to explain the reason why Marvin Acme was killed. Judge Doom, who had murdered Acme, shot him before the crime could be revealed. *'''"Nose"? That don't rhyme with "walls"!''' [Eddie: No, but this does! ''[kicks him in the balls, sending him flying into a barrel of Dip]''] **Who: Smart Ass the Weasel **Note: Points out an error in the song Eddie and Roger use to make the Weasels die laughing. Eddie replies "No, but this does!" and kicks him in the groin, sending him flying into a barrel of Dip. *'''Bye-bye! Hee hee hee hee!''' **Who: Psycho the Weasel **Note: Laughed himself into a roller layered with Dip, and dies. Says this after accelerating the strength of a hose spraying Dip at a wall leading to the other side of Toontown as his ghost rises to heaven. *'''I'm melting! Melting!''' **Who: Judge Doom **Note: Judge Doom dissolves in the Dip, the chemical he uses to kill Toons, after he was revealed to be a Toon himself. ===''[[w:The Whole Ten Yards|The Whole Ten Yards]]'' (2004)=== *'''Hey, Lazlo, shit happens.''' **Who: Ms. Figueroa **Notes: A hired mercenary employed by Lazlo, she accidentally killed his son. Lazlo shot her in rage. ===''[[The Wicker Man (1973 film)|The Wicker Man]]'' (1973)=== *'''Oh, God...I humbly entreat you for the soul of this, thy servant, Neil Howie...who will today depart from this world. Do not deliver me into the enemy's hands...or...put me out of mind forever. Let me not undergo the real pains of Hell, dear God, because I die unshriven...and establish me...in that bliss...which knows no ending...through Christ...our Lord. ''JESUS!!'' ''JESUS!!!''''' **Who: Sergeant Neil Howie **Notes: Says these lines while being burnt alive in the titular contraption. Character had previously shown fear and apprehension but overcame it, dying in relative peace. ===''[[The Wicker Man (2006 film)|The Wicker Man]]'' (2006)=== *'''NOOOOOOO!!!!''' **Who: Edward Malus **Notes: Character screams as the Wicker Man he's been placed into is set on fire, which burns him to death. ===''[[w:Wild Wild West|Wild Wild West]]''=== *'''Well, go on, shoot me. Send me onto hell. But if you want the devil that's responsible for New Liberty, it's Loveless .He manned the machine there. He killed all them children, old folks, just like he killed my boys here.''' **Who: General 'Bloodbath' McGrath **Notes: A former Confederacy general who's men were used as a demonstration of Loveless's tank, General McGrath feels betrayed and tries to kill his former employer, but Loveless shoots him with a gun built into his wheelchair. He survives long enough to admit to Jim west that Loveless was behind the New Liberty massacre. *'''Mr. West, although you are as black as the night on the outside, inside, you...are...yellow...! You just don't have it in you. Do you...boy?''' **Who: Dr. Arless Loveless **Notes: Dangling from his spider mobile fortress, Loveless gloats how Jim West is a coward on the inside. But West pulls his wheelchair's lever and sends the mad doctor falling to his death. ===''[[Willard (1971 film)|Willard]]'' (1971)=== *'''I WAS GOOD TO YOU, BEN!''' **Who: Willard Stiles **Notes: Said whilst trying to escape Ben the rat's revenge when the titular man mistreated and left him. Then more rats gnaw their way through the door and eat Willard alive. ===''[[Willow (film)|Willow]]'' (1988)=== *'''Win this war for me...''' **Who: Airk Thaughbaer **Notes: A commander from the ruined kingdom of Galladoorn. During the siege of Nockmaar Castle, as he is fighting General Kael, the villanous general stabs Airk with his own knife. Before dying, he implores Madmartigan these parting words. *'''DIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!!!!!!!''' **Who: General Kael **Notes: The commander of Nockmaar's armies. After killing Airk, he engages Madmartigan in a swordfight shouting this. While on a small bridge, Madmartigan cuts Kael with some swords, then throws him onto his own sword before throwing him off to his death. *'''IMPOSSIBLE!!!''' ''[knocks over some blood]'' '''You...''' **Who: Queen Bavmorda **Notes: The evil queen of Nockmaar and Sorsha's mother. As Willow disrupts her ritual to banish Elora Danan to a dark world, Bavmorda yells this in a rage, then lightning strikes her, thus banishing Bavmorda to the world of darkness instead. ===''The Wind in the Willows'' (1996)=== *'''TennineeightsevensixfiveforthreetwoONE!!!''' **Who: Chief Weasel **Notes: Character tries to blow up Toad Hall, but Ratty and Mole had switched ettiquetes on a bunch of barrels, relabeling the barrels of Dogfood to Dynamite and Vice Versa. As a reseult, the Chief Weasel Blew himself up along with the factory. ===''[[The Witches (1990)]]''=== *'''No, no. Honestly, it just was a...No, no.''' **Who: Beatrice **Notes: Beatrice says these words after being accused by the Grand High Witch of arguing against her. Refusing to listen to her, the Grand High Witch, after warning the other witches about what happens if they speak out against her, incinerates Beatrice with her laser eyes. *'''Don't touch it! It's in the soup!''' ''[The Grand High Witch, as Eva Ernst, screams upon seeing her, thinking she is a transformed child]'' '''Don't touch the soup!''' [The Grand High Witch/Eva Ernst: A child!] **Who: The Witch Chef **Notes: ===''[[The Witches of Eastwick]]'' (1987)=== *'''Those poor women. I have to warn them. He'll propegate, Clyde. He will increase his number. Those women are going to bear him sons. He's going to take their love and destroy the Earth with it.''' **Who: Felicia Alden **Notes: Character realizes that the mysterious Daryl Van Horne is actually the Devil and plans to make Alex Medford, Jane Spofford and Sukie Ridgemont the mothers of his children. Van Horne and the Witches afflict her with a curse causing her to vomit cherry pits, which horrifies her husband Clyde to the point he kills her with a fire poker. ===''[[The Wizard of Oz (1939 film)|The Wizard of Oz]]'' (1939)=== *'''AHH!!! You cursed brat! Look what you've done! I'm melting! I'm melting! Ohhhhh...What a world, what a world! Who ever thought a little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness?! Ah!!! Look out! Look out! I'm going! Ahhh! Ahhhhhhhhh...''' **Who: The Wicked Witch of the West ([[w:Margaret Hamilton|Margaret Hamilton]]) **Notes: Dorothy Gale, who is trying to extinguish the flames on her broom, splashes a bucket of water on the witch, causing her to melt, but it turns out to be a dream. ===''Wrong is Right'' (1982)=== *'''Two suitcases... Three feet long.... 2 and a half feet high. Nine to ten inches thick... Weight about ninety pounds. Highly radioactive.''' **Who: Sally Blake **Note: A reporter working with Patrick Hale to cover the story on the suitcase nuclear bombs. As she meets an agent briefing him with this, they fail to notice one of Rafeek's terrorist gang members, Erika plant a bagged bomb in the trash can next to them. On her command, the bomb is detonated killing the reporter and the agent before Hale could warn her. *'''Tomorrow, I have for you a great surprise.''' **Who: King Ibn Awad **Note: The king of Hagreb. On his way home, Hale gifts him with a camera which unknown to either has been swapped with a poisonous needle that pricks Awad's finger. He bids this to his old reporter friend. Within moments, he dies of the poison and his murder is covered by a suicide tape. ===''[[Wuthering Heights (1939 film)|Wuthering Heights]]'' (1939)=== *'''Heathcliff, can you see the Crag over there where our castle is? I'll wait for you 'til you come.''' **Who: Cathy ([[w:Merle Oberon|Merle Oberon]]) ==X== ===''[[X-Men#Films|X-Men]]'' films=== :''See ''[[last words in X-Men media|''last words in ''X-Men'' media'']]''.'' ===''[[XXX (2002 film)|xXx]]'' (2002)=== *'''Learn how to shoot, you piece of shit!''' **Who: Yorgi **Notes: Said to Agent xXx/Xander Cage after he misses him with a hail of gunfire while he escapes in a boat. xXx then manages to shoot him, non-fatally, but his boat crashes into a cliffside and explodes. ===''XXX: State of the Union''=== *'''I've been waitin' for this for ten years!''' **Who: US Secretary of Defense, General George Deckert **Notes: Said to Agent xXx/Darius Stone as he was determined to finish him off after a fierce battle on the US President's getaway train. Stone then says "Well, keep waiting!" and jumps off the train and into a river, just as Deckert fires a gun, missing him. From a helicopter, Gibbons says "Your turn to do the dying, general" and fires one missile at the train. The resulting explosion incinerates Deckert and destroys the train, sending it crashing into the river. ===''XXX: The Return of Xander Cage''=== *'''I'll take it from you dead or alive. If you hold it too tight, I'll cut your arm off.''' **Who: Russian squad leader **Note: Said to Agent xXx/Xander Cage when he says if the soldier takes Pandora's Box, a device capable of controlling satellites, he will be killed. Cage tells him to suit himself, then throws a live grenade to the soldier, who catches it. Former xXx agent Serena throws a knife at the soldier, allowing the grenade to go off, killing the soldier and instigating a battle that kills all his compatriots. *'''Fish in a barrel.''' **Who: CIA Agent **Notes: The agent says this line to himself while shooting at Cage and former xXx agent Xiang. The two settle their differences and take turns to trick him into using up the last five bullets in his magazine. Once finished, Cage throws the agent down to Xiang before he can reload, and Xiang throws him down again, this time to his death. *'''What the heck is wrong with you?!''' **Who: CIA Director **Notes: Said to Cage when he tells him he has something stuck in his teeth, while confronting him with Pandora's Box. Cage replies "Right...there" and makes a gap between two of his fingers, allowing his sniper, Adele Wolff, to shoot the Director dead. *'''Are you getting this interference?''' **Who: CIA Agent Marke **Notes: Said to her fellow agents when she is prevented from using Pandora's Box by signal interference. Before anyone can answer, Cage attacks her and the other agents. She doesn't say any more lines during the final battle, and is ultimately sent falling from her plane by Xiang who taunts to her "They say it's the last great adventure. Be sure to send a postcard.". *'''What's wrong, hotshot, no witty comeback?''' **Who: Captain Paul Donovan **Note: Said to Cage while confronting him in the bathroom of the plane. Cage replies that he actually figured out a math problem he earlier spoke about. Donovan then punches a hole in the wall due to fighting with special electric gloves, and Cage then throws him through the hole, remarking "It's gonna take two flushes!" ==Y== ===''[[w:Young Sherlock Holmes|Young Sherlock Holmes]]'' (1985)=== *'''What shall we do with her?''' **Who: Mrs. Dribb **Note: The school nurse who is actually Eh-tar's younger sister and top henchwoman using hallucinogenic darts to get revenge on the five men who ransacked the tombs of the princesses so they could build their hotel. Having been exposed, while interrogating Elizabeth, she asks this to her brother. He tells her it is time to sacrifice her for a fifth princess. This is her last known words. While Holmes and Watson extricate Elizabeth in a fierce battle, Holmes turns the assassin's blowgun on her causing the dart to fly into her own mouth and she runs in a blind panic burning herself alive. *'''I'll be waiting. And you'll be late...as always.''' **Who: Elizabeth Waxflatter (the love interest of a young Sherlock Holmes) **Note: Character is shot by Holmes' schoolmaster, who is actually Eh-tar (the man who wants revenge on the five men who ransacked the tombs of the princesses) and Holmes then defeats in a duel; Holmes promises "Someday, We'll be reunited. In another world, A much better world", and this is her response. ==Z== ===''[[Zombieland]]'' (2009)=== *[Little Rock: So do you have any regrets?] '''''[[w:Garfield (film)|Garfield]]'', maybe.''' **Who: [[w:Bill Murray (actor)|Bill Murray]] **Note: Murray had been disguising himself as a zombie in a post-apocalyptic Hollywood in order to blend in with the undead in the city. When the survivors of the film reach his mansion, Tallahassee and Wichita convince Murray to pretend to be an actual zombie to scare Columbus and Little Rock; unfortunately, Columbus mistakes the joke as a real threat and shoots Murray in the chest. As he dies, Little Rock asks him about his regrets, and he responds as seen above. ===''[[Zoolander]]'' (2001)=== *'''Orange Mocha Frappuccino!''' **Who: Derek Zoolander's model roommates **Note: Last thing they said to cheer Derek up, they end up dying in a gas station accident when one of the gas terminals blow up. ==See also== {{fictional last words}} [[Category:Fictional last words|Films]] gavmyrj03oc0wg7oq5zilh4bvs665xq 0 57301 3949360 3786561 2026-06-06T00:20:09Z Dronebogus 3078761 3949360 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Laozi 002.jpg|thumb|right|"The essence of [[anarchy]] is surprise... Spontaneity. [[Laozi|Lao-Tse]] knew!"]] '''[[w:Anarky|Anarky]]''' ('''Lonnie Machin''') is a fictional character in the [[w:DC Comics|DC Comics]] [[w:DC Universe|Universe]]. Co-created by [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]] and [[w:Norm Breyfogle|Norm Breyfogle]], he first appeared in ''[[w:Detective Comics|Detective Comics]]'' #608 (November 1989) as an adversary of [[w:Batman|Batman]], and other DC comic book heroes and villains. Stories revolving around Anarky often focus on political and philosophical themes. Named after the philosophy of [[anarchism]], his creation was partially influenced by [[Alan Moore]]'s character "[[w:V (comics)|V]]" from ''[[w:V for Vendetta]]''.<ref name="Alan Grant & Norm Breyfogle">{{cite web |url = http://www.adelaidecomicsandbooks.com/granbrey.htm |title = Alan Grant & Norm Breyfogle |accessdate = 2007-05-18 |last = Best |first = Daniel |date= 2007-01-06 |work = Adelaide Comics and Books| publisher =ACAB Publishing|archiveurl=http://web.archive.org/web/20070427174515/http://www.adelaidecomicsandbooks.com/granbrey.htm |archivedate=2007-04-27}}</ref> With Grant's transition to the philosophy of [[w:Frank R. Wallace#Neo-Tech philosophy|Neo-Tech]], Anarky was transformed from a vehicle for [[w:socialism|socialist]] and [[w:populism|populist]] philosophy, to [[w:rationalism|rationalist]], [[w:atheism|atheist]], and [[w:free market|free market]] based thought.<ref name="zon-power-comic-book">{{cite web |url=http://gocomics.com/alangrant.htm |title=Holy Penis Collapsor Batman! DC Publishes The First Zonpower Comic Book!?!?! |accessdate=1998-02-18 |last=Kraft |first=Gary S.|date=1997-04-08 |work=GoComics.com |archiveurl=http://web.archive.org/web/19980218141349/http://gocomics.com/alangrant.htm |archivedate=1998-02-18}}</ref> == ''Anarky'' series == '''<big>"Metamorphosis"</big>''' ;Volume 1, issues 1–4 [[File:Fomalhaut planet.jpg|thumb|right|"I don't believe in god. In the future, we will all be responsible for our ''own'' acts."]] * "This is ''Politics: 'Do what you're told or we'll punish you.' '' This is ''Religion: 'Suffer misery now so you can be happy after death.' '' This is ''Philosophy: 'The Universe came from nothing, and will one day return to it.' '' ''None'' of these doctrines stands up to ''rational analysis''." * "I don't believe in god. In the future, we will all be responsible for our ''own'' acts." ** Source: "Metamorphosis" (part one), ''Anarky'' (vol.1) #1, May 1997; by [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]]. *"Quoting Einstein out of context, they say that good and evil are relative; that there are no moral absolutes. They lie. Only two laws are needed to change the entire universe: never use initiatory force, and never cheat. The people who run our world constantly break both. [[File:Nikola Tesla, with his equipment Wellcome M0014782.jpg|thumb|right|"''Science'' is ''magic'' explained..."]] *"My pocket dictionary defines evil as 'bad, harmful.' But that's only half the story. Evil needs to be intentional." * "''Science'' is ''magic'' explained..." ** Source: "Metamorphosis" (part two), ''Anarky'' (vol.1) #2, June 1997; by [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]]. * "In 1995, the countries of southeast asia spent $435 ''billion on military expenditure''-- Not because the people ''demanded'' it, you understand; how many peasants do you know who've started ''wars''? [[w:Mao Zedong|Mao Tse-Tung]] spouted a lot of nonsense, but he sure got one thing right: 'all (political) power comes out the barrel of a gun.' You don't believe me, do you? You live in a ''democracy''. You ''vote'' for your leaders-- So tell me -- what happens if you want to disobey them? Say you don't like the ''President''. You object to paying taxes to support him, his family, his pets, his bodyguards and his friends he wangled jobs for. What do you do? Or say you don't like your taxes being used to subsidize foreign ''arms sales'' for slaughter in the third world. How can you stop it? Vote for somebody else, whose policy is the same? Don't vote? The government pretends to be there to ''serve'' you. In reality, it's there to tell you what to do-- If you ''refuse'' to obey, you'll be ''investigated--arrested--criminalized''. Your ''assets'' will be ''seized'' and given to the state. ''You'' will be ''jailed''. And that's the 'free' ''America'' -- -- Imagine what it's like in ''Iraq''." [[File:Leaping boy.jpg|thumb|125px|right|"''Imagine'' – you’re a child again. Filled with innocence, and wonder, and life. Remember how good it felt? That’s what the ''parasites'' stole from us."]] * "[[w:Albert Einstein|Albert Einstein]] said that 'The only justifiable purpose of political institutions is to ensure the unhindered development of the individual.' But our institutions are the opposite. They enslave us -- Rule us by ''fear'' and ''deceit''! They'd ''gladly'' bomb us back into the stone age! They don't ''want'' the ''common man'' to be anything but a ''slave''! The world has gone ''wrong''. But I swear by every breath in my body-- I will put it ''right'' again!" ** Source: "Metamorphosis" (part three), ''Anarky'' (vol.1) #3, July 1997; by [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]]. * "''Imagine'' – you’re a child again. Filled with innocence, and wonder, and life. Remember how good it felt? That’s what the ''parasites'' stole from us. They bled us dry. And like sheep we lined up to give ''more blood''. But we can have back all that they stole, and more. The [[information age]] provides a spotlight the parasites can’t squirm away from. ''Identify'' them. ''Negate'' their evil. ''Ostracize'' them. ''Step with me into a better world.''" ** Source: "Metamorphosis" (part four), ''Anarky'' (vol.1) #4, August 1997; by [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]]. == Other publications == [[File:Swastika blasted from the Nazi party rally grounds - Nuremberg (1945).gif|thumb|right|"I always knew I'd get off on this part of it. There's something just feels so ''good'' about... destruction. But not destruction for its own sake. This is a ''cleansing''... A ''ridding'' of the ''old''... It's ''necessary''."]] * "Greetings, Gotham City. My name is ''Anarky''. (...) I believe in the absolute ''freedom'' of the ''individual''. I believe that the present order must be ''abolished''. I believe that the voice of the people must be heard... listened to... and ''obeyed!'' ...I would like to extend this warning to the whole city: you are either part of the ''solution'', or part of the ''problem''. Look into your own hearts. Decide which you are and choose well-- for if you are an ''enemy'' of the people -- ''Anarky'' will seek you out... and ''destroy'' you!" ** Source: "Anarky in Gotham" (part two), ''Detective Comics'' #609, December 1989; by [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]]. <br> {{center|<hr width="50%"/>}} * "'The essence of anarchy is constant surprise.' Spontaneity... Lao-Tse knew, and all those other old Chinese guys. So how come we all ''forgot'' along the way? How come you can be wise once upon a time, and two thousand years later you're ignorant as a pig? Doesn't really matter. The dinosaurs are dead, only they don't know it yet. They need someone like Anarky to bring home the news. The Dark Ages are passing -- and their heroes will pass with them. The city needs a ''new'' breed of ''hero''. The night needs a ''new'' kind of ''monster''. ''Anarky''. * "I always knew I'd get off on this part of it. There's something just feels so ''good'' about... destruction. But not destruction for its own sake. This is a ''cleansing''... A ''ridding'' of the ''old''... It's ''necessary''." * The essence of anarchy is surprise... Spontaneity. Lao-Tse knew!" ** Source: "Anarky in Gotham" (part two), ''Detective Comics'' #609, December 1989; by [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]]. [[File:Abu Ghraib 17a.jpg|thumb|right|"I'm against ''any''thing that's against ''people!'' ''Cruelty -- brutality -- exploitation''... These are the enemies of the people -- The enemies of Anarky!"]] <br> {{center|<hr width="50%"/>}} * "The essence of anarchy is ''surprise'' -- spontaneous action... even when it ''does'' require a little ''planning!'' * "Democracy... ''Hah!'' There's a laugh. They ''pretend'' that it works -- pretend that the ''voice'' of ''the people,'' spoken through its elected representatives will be ''heard''. ''Trash!'' The world is run by ''elites'' -- bankers, the military, government agencies. Criminals all. They prey like vampires on their victims...! I've been thinking a lot about elites lately. How they come to power -- How to ''stop'' them!" ** Source: "The God of Fear" (part 1), ''The Shadow of the Bat'' #16, September 1993; by [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]]. <br> {{center|<hr width="50%"/>}} * "I'm against ''any''thing that's against ''people!'' ''Cruelty -- brutality -- exploitation''... These are the enemies of the people -- The enemies of Anarky!" ** Source: "The God of Fear" (part two), ''The Shadow of the Bat'' #17, October 1993; by [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]]. <br> {{center|<hr width="50%"/>}} <br> [[File:Castle Romeo.jpg|thumb|right| "The world's dying! Poisoned seas -- can't breath the air! The politicians -- the bankers -- the criminals -- they're sacrificing us ''all'' on the alter of their ''greed!'' Please... please don't kill our planet...!"]] * "The world's dying! Poisoned seas -- can't breath the air! The politicians -- the bankers -- the criminals -- they're sacrificing us ''all'' on the alter of their ''greed!'' Please... please don't kill our planet...!" ** Source: "The God of Fear" (part 3), ''The Shadow of the Bat'' #18, November 1993; by [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]]. ** Notes:Spoken after being poisoned by [[w:Scarecrow (comics)|Scarecrow's]] fear toxins. <br> {{center|<hr width="50%"/>}} * "Society is ''rotten''. It will only be changed when the people see the ''greed'', ''arrogance'' and ''brutality'' of those who rule them! ...Democracy is a '''''sham'''''!" ** Source: "Anarky", ''The Batman Adventures'' #31, April 1995; by [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]]. <br> {{center|<hr width="50%"/>}} * "The ''authoritarian system'' we live under is set to benefit a tiny ''minority'' &mdash; an all-powerful elite gets obscenely rich, while billions are cheated out of realizing their true potential. But the system is rotten. It's ripe for collapse. It's the duty of every ''revolutionary'' &mdash; everyone of us &mdash; to ''hasten'' that collapse... It's not a crime to fight injustice... The system's conditioned us &mdash; hypnotized nearly everybody into accepting that life ''has'' to be the way it is. We're hypnotized into believing war is natural &mdash; famine is natural &mdash; crime is natural... but they're not. They're products of the system and its all-consuming greed! People have become robots &mdash; zombies &mdash; too busy scrambling for day-to-day existence to be able to see they're really victims. It's up to us to open their eyes. From cradle to grave, we're taught &mdash; ''indoctrinated!'' &mdash; that happiness depends on always getting more. Buy &mdash; throw away &mdash; buy more! Doesn't matter if we destroy the planet on the way! Politicians say they can fix the world's problems. Just give them more power. Religions say do more of what they order and you'll be happy &mdash; but only after you're dead! They've been making the same hollow promises for thousands of years, and we, the people &mdash; the sheep &mdash; have listened. But it's time to wake up and smell the coffee &mdash; the days of external authority and force-backed power are numbered... that's the way the system is set up! A sham democracy that acts as a front for the elite's ambitions... It doesn't have to be like that. We can change it!" ** Notes: Excerpted quotes spoken in conversation with multiple individuals. [[File:Our dreams cannot fit in their ballot boxes (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|"Society is ''rotten''. It will only be changed when the people see the ''greed'', ''arrogance'' and ''brutality'' of those who rule them! ...Democracy is a '''''sham'''''!"]] * "Batman's ''misguided''. He fights the ''results'' of crime, but not the ''causes''. He takes on individual cases... but he ''fails'' to see the ''wider picture!''" ** Source: "Tomorrow Belongs to Us", ''The Batman Chronicles'' #1, Summer 1995; by [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]]. <br> {{center|<hr width="50%"/>}} * '''Roxanne Machin:''' "Oh, why can't you just be ''normal?''" * '''Lonnie Machin:''' "Because I'm ''not'' normal, mom. I'm something ''special'' -- One day -- and soon -- ''everybody'' will be like me. Because if they're ''not'', mankind will be ''extinct!''" ** Source: "Anarky" (part one), ''The Shadow of the Bat'' #40; July 1995; by [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]]. <br> {{center|<hr width="50%"/>}} * "...I guess it's true what they say... the ''radical'' of one century is the ''conservative'' of the next!" ** Source: "Anarky in the USA", ''[[w:Green Arrow|Green Arrow]]'' #51, August 2005; by [[w:James Peatty|James Peatty]]. ** Notes: Spoken to Green Arrow, paraphrasing a quote by [[Mark Twain]]. == Taglines == * His Name is His Goal! ** Source: Cover art tagline, ''Anarky'' (vol.1) #1, May 1997. * Democracy is The Tyranny of The Minority! ** Source: "Profile Page: Anarky", page tagline, ''DCU Heroes &ndash; Secret Files and Origins'' #1, February 1, 1999. * The Quest For Justice in Gotham City Is No Longer A Fight Between Good And Evil. It Is Now A War Over Who's Right And Who's Wrong. Batman. Anarky. Two dedicated idealists, two champions for two very different causes. If Anarky wins, what will Gotham stand to gain? If Batman wins, what will Gotham lose? ** Source:''Batman: Anarky'' back cover [[w:Blurb|blurb]], February 22, 1999. == Quotations about Anarky == === Fictional === * "He's a straight-A student... Cocky -- confident -- thought he knew all the answers, had to do it his way. Yet I can't help but ''admire'' him." ** Source: "Detective Comics" #609, 1989; by [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]]. ** Notes: Spoken by [[w:Batman|Batman]]. * "I know you alright &mdash; A 14-year-old genius who thinks his extremist ideals justify any crime." ** Source: "Robin Annual" #1, 1992; by [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]]. ** Notes: Spoken by [[w:Robin (Tim Drake)|Tim Drake]] * "''Oh'', yes, I remember young Lonnie, all right! Sad boy, I always thought. Old before his time. Didn't make friends easily. Spent too much time in places like this. Reading, always reading. Far too serious." ** Source: "Robin Annual" #1, 1992; by [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]]. ** Notes: Spoken by Walter Kempinski (a bookstore owner who knew Lonnie as a child). * "Actually, he may be right about a ''lot'' of things..." ** Source: "The Batman Adventures" #31, April 1995; by [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]]. ** Notes: Spoken by [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson]] * "He's fifteen years old, for pity's sake! Look at these books--! He should be sneaking copies of ''Playboy'' around, not [[w:Mikhail Bakunin|Bakunin]] and [[w:Karl Marx|Marx]] and [[w:Ayn Rand|Ayn Rand]]!" ** Source: "Shadow of the Bat" #40, July 1995; by [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]]. ** Notes: Spoken by Mike Machin (Anarky's father). === Commentary and reviews (non-fiction) === ====Alan Grant and Norm Breyfogle, creators of Anarky==== [[File:AlanGrant (cropped).jpeg|thumb|right|"I felt he was the perfect character (to express [[w:Frank R. Wallace#Neo-Tech philosophy|Neo-Tech philosophy]]) because he's human, he has no special powers, the only power he's got is the power of his own rational consciousness."]] * "I felt he was the perfect character (to express [[w:Frank R. Wallace#Neo-Tech philosophy|Neo-Tech philosophy]]) because he's human, he has no special powers, the only power he's got is the power of his own rational consciousness." ** Source: [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]], [http://web.archive.org/web/19980218141349/http://gocomics.com/alangrant.htm Holy Penis Collapsor Batman! DC Publishes The First Zonpower Comic Book!?!?!], 4-8-1997. * "...Norm and I (like I said, we’re very different people) agree with Anarky’s perception of what’s wrong with the world. It is something we feel very strongly about. Although we want the book to be very entertaining, as all comic books have to be, we’re trying to say something else; there is another viewpoint of the world from another direction. You might see that you’re being conned. It is quite difficult to present that in an entertaining fashion. We’ve succeeded, I think, largely in part to Norman’s artwork. It’s as dynamic as anything I’ve ever seen him do. He draws ''Anarky'' as if he loves the character." ** Source: [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]], [http://www.richmondcomix.com/irving/grant.html A State of Anarky], 1-13-1998. * "Anarky’s world clashes as much with the traditional world of superheroes as it does with the world of crime. So the interplay between him and Green Lantern and him and Superman is not the usual kind of hero interplay." ** Source: [[w:Alan Grant (writer)|Alan Grant]], [http://www.richmondcomix.com/irving/grant.html A State of Anarky], 1-13-1998. * "(Anarky is) a philosophical action hero, an Aristotle in tights, rising above mere "crime-fighter" status into the realm of incisive social commentary. In fact, Anarky exists primarily to challenge the status quo of hierarchical power, and he may be the first mainstream comics hero of his type to do it consistently and with such rational intelligence... <br />"Although super-heroes' primary goal is to entertain, they also have the potential to meet this higher challenge, and I like to think that Anarky is leading the charge. After all, it's his very nom de guerre and purpose for existing!" ** Source: [[w:Norm Breyfogle|Norm Breyfogle]], ''[[w:Batman: Anarky|Batman: Anarky]]'' introduction, 1999. [[File:Norman Breyfogle Portrait.jpg|thumb|right|"I'm amused by Alan's originally grooming Anarky to be the new [[w:Robin (comics)|Robin]]; the Robin role now seems too small for him!"]] * "I'm amused by Alan's originally grooming Anarky to be the new [[w:Robin (comics)|Robin]]; the Robin role now seems too small for him!" ** Source: [[w:Norm Breyfogle|Norm Breyfogle]], ''[[w:Batman: Anarky|Batman: Anarky]]'' introduction, 1999. * "We don’t have any conclusive evidence, but Alan and I can’t help but feel that Anarky’s philosophy grated on somebody’s nerves; somebody got a look at it and didn’t like it.... So I’ve generally gotten the impression that Anarky was nixed because of its philosophy. Especially in this age of post [[w:September 11, 2001 attacks|9/11]], Anarky would be a challenge to established authority. He’s very anti-establishment, that’s why he’s named Anarky!" ** Source: [[w:Norm Breyfogle|Norm Breyfogle]], [http://www.adelaidecomicsandbooks.com/breyfogle.htm Norm Breyfogle @ Adelaide Comics and Books], 2003. * "Anarky, of course, was among the best, if not ''the'' best, of the characters Alan created. Alan really created him&mdash;along with the other characters&mdash;and I was just along for the ride and lucky to be there." ** Source: [[w:Norm Breyfogle|Norm Breyfogle]], in interview conducted by Cristopher Irving, November 17, 2006. Published in: ''Back Issue!'' Raleigh, North Carolina, USA: TwoMorrows Publishing. Vol. 1, No.22, p.&nbsp;21. {{ISSN|1932-6904}}. June 2007. * "[Anarky] became&mdash;even more than Batman&mdash;a more synergistic element between Alan and me. It was the fruition of our professional relationship in that we were discussing (through faxes) a lot of the philosophical issues, day by day, that Alan was putting into the Anarky storyline." ** Source: [[w:Norm Breyfogle|Norm Breyfogle]], in interview conducted by Cristopher Irving, November 17, 2006. Published in: ''Back Issue!'' Raleigh, North Carolina, USA: TwoMorrows Publishing. Vol. 1, No.22, p.&nbsp;22. {{ISSN|1932-6904}}. June 2007. <br> {{center|<hr width="50%"/>}} ====Others==== * "In the age of the anti-hero, it only makes sense to have the occasional anti-villain as well. But unlike sociopathic vigilante anti-heroes like the [[w:Punisher|Punisher]], an anti-villain like Anarky provides some interesting food for thought. Sure, he breaks the law, but what he really wants is to save the world... and maybe he's ''right''." ** Source: Todd VerBeek, [http://www.rzero.com/books/Anarky.html Beek's Books reviews], 1999. * "Anarky is my favorite comic-book character... Anarky represents an impressive voice for liberty in today's comics." ** Source: [[w:Roderick Long|Roderick Long]], [http://praxeology.net/anarky.htm Anarky Page] praxeology.net, 2002. * "Everyone always goes on about what a radical Ollie ([[w:Green Arrow|Green Arrow]]) is and I wanted to show that maybe that isn’t the case … especially as Ollie’s radical credentials are pretty antiquated... Anarky as a character - and as a broader idea - is much more radical than Ollie... Also, Anarky is a terrorist! How can that not be interesting in the modern climate?" ** Source: James Peatty, [http://www.comicon.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=36&t=003866 James Peatty Pens Green Arrow], 2005. *"Anarky is one of the more interesting characters of the past fifteen or twenty years, not only because he's a teenager (which is a wonderful revelation in #609) but because of what he wants to accomplish. Anarky is a direct contrast to Batman. He is an active agent of change while Batman is simply a reactive agent, reinforcing the status quo (as all corporate superheroes do) and positioning himself as the opposition to Anarky even though Lonnie, the teenager under the mask, is trying to make the world better instead of simply stopping at beating up the obvious criminals... Lonnie is a fascinating character in that he has a sense of humor (as evidenced by the A-symbol he spray-paints on Batman's cape after the Dark Knight has captured him) and he's very smart. He is able to show how ineffective Batman is against the real problems of society, and although Batman stops his spree, we find ourselves sympathizing much more with Anarky than with the representative of the status quo... Grant obviously liked the character, and he is one of those creations that you wish was used better in the DC Universe. Anarchy as a concept is often dismissed, but it's worth looking at simply because it is so radical and untenable, yet still noble." ** Source: Greg Burgas ''[http://www.popcultureshock.com/features.php?id=1394 Comics You Should Own #17]'' 2006-05-22. *"Gotham City's corrupt CEOs and drug peddlers may look over their shoulders for the winged shadow of the Batman, but it is Anarky they truly fear." ** Source: Michael Eury. Published in: ''The Supervillain Book: The Evil Side of Comics and Hollywood.'' Canton, Michigan USA: Visible Ink Press. p.&nbsp;11. {{ISBN|1-57859-178-3}}. 2006-7-1. *"I think Anarky's age is right now. He looks like a street protester. He looks like [[Anonymous (group)|Anonymous]]. He's like one of these guys who wants to go out there and change the world to what he believes is the better, and I think of all the Batman enemies, and one of the reasons I'm most excited about Anarky, is he feels [[relevant]] today." ** Source: Eric Holmes. ''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pi2YRtcHkes Batman Arkham Origins Gameplay Dev Walkthrough with Adam Sessler! E3 2013]''. 2013-6-12. == See also == *[[Anarchism]] * [[Batman (comics)]] == References == {{Reflist|2}} == External links == {{Wikipedia-multi|Anarky|Anarky (comic book)|Anarky in Gotham City|Batman: Anarky}} *"[http://praxeology.net/anarky.htm Anarky Page]", web page created by [[w:Roderick Long|Roderick Long]] (c.2000). Hosted on Praxeology.net. * "[http://www.normbreyfogle.com/ Norm Breyfogle.com]", official web page of Norm Breyfogle, Anarky co-creator and series illustrator. Includes two essays on Anarky: the "[http://www.normbreyfogle.com/media/articles.asp?page=anktpb Anarky Trade Paperback Intro]" and "[http://www.normbreyfogle.com/media/articles.asp?page=ankbye Anarky Farewell]", regarding the series cancellation. ;Character indexes *[http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Lonnie_Machin_(New_Earth) Anarky] on the [http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Main_Page DC Database Project], an external [[w:Wikia|Wikia]] wiki *[http://www.comicbookdb.com/character.php?ID=627 Anarky] at the Comic Book DB. *[http://www.comics.org/search.lasso?sort=chrono&query=Anarky&type=character Anarky] at the [[w:Grand Comic-Book Database|Grand Comic-Book Database]] *[http://www.dcuguide.com/who.php?name=anarky Anarky] on the Unofficial Guide to the DC Universe website. {{Batman}} [[Category:Fictional characters]] [[Category:DC Comics]] fdfje392k2ewbx20opspasjkjf8dhry 0 61117 3949305 3690849 2026-06-05T19:00:14Z ~2026-33361-63 3336897 /* Quotes about Albertus Magnus */ 3949305 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:AlbertusMagnus.jpg|thumb|Saint Albertus Magnus, fresco, 1352, Treviso, Italy]] '''[[w:Albertus Magnus|Albertus Magnus]]''' (before 1200 – [[15 November]] [[1280]]) was a German [[philosopher]], [[theologian]] and [[w:Dominican Order|Dominican]] [[w:Dominican friar|friar]] who achieved [[fame]] for his comprehensive [[knowledge]] and advocacy for the peaceful coexistence of [[science]] and [[religion]]. He was the first medieval scholar to apply [[Aristotle]]'s philosophy to Christian thought at the time. == Quotes == * If the excrement of an elephant should be smeared on skin in which lice appear and left until it dries upon the skin, the lice will not remain on it but will depart immediately. If the fat of an elephant is smeared with it, it is said to cure the pain of one who suffers a headache; it is even said that if an ounce of elephant bone is drunk with ten ounces of wild mountain mint from something which a leper first touched, it does the most for a headache. ** ''Twenty-Six Books on Animals'' [''De animalibus libri XXVI'']<!--https://archive.org/details/albertusmagnusde00albe-->; cited in: Plinio Prioreschi (1996) ''A History of Medicine: Medieval Medicine''. p. 94. * The metals are all essentially identical; they differ only in form. Now, the form brings out accidental causes, which the experimenter must try to discover and remove, as far as possible. Accidental causes impede the regular union of sulphur and mercury; for every metal is a combination of sulphur and mercury. A diseased womb may give birth to a weakly, leprous child, although the seed was good; the same is true of the metals which are generated in the bowels of the earth, which is a womb for them; any cause whatever, or local trouble, may produce an imperfect metal. When pure sulphur comes in contact with pure mercury, after more or less time, and by the permanent action of nature, gold is produced. ** As quoted by {{w|Francis Preston Venable}}, ''A Short History of Chemistry'' (1894) [https://books.google.com/books?id=fN9YAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA28 p. 28.] * This dumb ox will fill the world with his bellowing. ** Attributed to Albertus Magnus in: Anne Jackson Fremantle (1962) ''The Great Ages of Western Philosophy : The Age of Belief : The Medieval Philosophers'' ** Albertus Magnus, in response to other of his students calling [[Thomas Aquinas]] a "dumb ox" because of his quietude. * Natural science does not consist in ratifying what others have said, but in seeking the causes of phenomena. ** Attributed to Albertus Magnus in: Albertus Magnus; cited in: Morris Bishop (1968) ''The Middle Ages''. p. 252. * Do there exist many [[worlds]], or is there but a single world? This is one of the most noble and exalted questions in the study of Nature. ** Attributed to Albertus Magnus in: R.C. Bless (1996) ''Discovering the cosmos''. p. 686. == Quotes about Albertus Magnus == **Albert held [[Aristotle]] in very high, boundless esteem. He was convinced that "nature had made him the standard of truth and that in him it had displayed the highest [[perfection]] of the human intellect. So he set about revising Aristotle in order to make him suitable for the Christian world. Before returning to Germany and taking over the direction of the Dominican College in Cologne, Albert began a complete paraphrase of all the works of Aristotle. :*Father [[Battista Mondin]], O.P., ''Il sistema filosofico di Tommaso d'Aquino. <small>Per una lettura attuale della filosofia tomista</small>'', Editrice Massimo, Milan February 1985, 1st edition, ISBN 88-7030-462-0, p. 15 (in Italian). * Of Albertus Magnus, the ''Doctor Universalis'' of the Dominicans, [[Roger Bacon]] writes that what is useful in his works might be summed up in a treatise twenty times as short as they are. ** [[w:Francis Seymour Stevenson|Francis Seymour Stevenson]], ''Robert Grosseteste: Bishop of Lincoln'' (1899) citing Bacon's ''Opus Tertium'', p. 30 & ''Opus Minus'', p. 327. * In speaking of [[Thomas Aquinas]], who, it is true, had not attained at the time when [[Roger Bacon]] wrote to the commanding position of authority which was afterwards accorded to him in the schools, he couples him with Albertus Magnus, and says that they both became teachers before they had been adequately taught, and lectured on a philosophy and a theology which they had imperfectly learned. ** [[w:Francis Seymour Stevenson|Francis Seymour Stevenson]], ''Robert Grosseteste: Bishop of Lincoln'' (1899) p. 50. == External links == {{wikipedia}} * "[http://www.u.arizona.edu/~aversa/scholastic/Dictionary%20of%20Scientific%20Biography/Albertus%20Magnus%20(Wallace).pdf Albertus Magnus, Saint]" by William A. Wallace (1970) in Gillispie, Charles. Dictionary of Scientific Biography 1. New York: Scribner & American Council of Learned Societies. pp. 99–103. {{DEFAULTSORT:Magnus, Albertus}} [[Category:People from Bavaria]] [[Category:Catholics from Germany]] [[Category:Roman Catholic bishops]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Saints]] [[Category:Theologians from Germany]] [[Category:Mystics]] [[Category:Philosophers from Germany]] [[Category:Chemists from Germany]] [[Category:Astrologers]] [[Category:Alchemists]] [[Category:12th century births]] [[Category:1280 deaths]] [[Category:Natural philosophers]] [[Category:Doctors of the Church]] 1zdvxlrsmahvbrv0qsvvebz9bw4kf8i 3949306 3949305 2026-06-05T19:00:25Z ~2026-33361-63 3336897 /* Quotes about Albertus Magnus */ 3949306 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:AlbertusMagnus.jpg|thumb|Saint Albertus Magnus, fresco, 1352, Treviso, Italy]] '''[[w:Albertus Magnus|Albertus Magnus]]''' (before 1200 – [[15 November]] [[1280]]) was a German [[philosopher]], [[theologian]] and [[w:Dominican Order|Dominican]] [[w:Dominican friar|friar]] who achieved [[fame]] for his comprehensive [[knowledge]] and advocacy for the peaceful coexistence of [[science]] and [[religion]]. He was the first medieval scholar to apply [[Aristotle]]'s philosophy to Christian thought at the time. == Quotes == * If the excrement of an elephant should be smeared on skin in which lice appear and left until it dries upon the skin, the lice will not remain on it but will depart immediately. If the fat of an elephant is smeared with it, it is said to cure the pain of one who suffers a headache; it is even said that if an ounce of elephant bone is drunk with ten ounces of wild mountain mint from something which a leper first touched, it does the most for a headache. ** ''Twenty-Six Books on Animals'' [''De animalibus libri XXVI'']<!--https://archive.org/details/albertusmagnusde00albe-->; cited in: Plinio Prioreschi (1996) ''A History of Medicine: Medieval Medicine''. p. 94. * The metals are all essentially identical; they differ only in form. Now, the form brings out accidental causes, which the experimenter must try to discover and remove, as far as possible. Accidental causes impede the regular union of sulphur and mercury; for every metal is a combination of sulphur and mercury. A diseased womb may give birth to a weakly, leprous child, although the seed was good; the same is true of the metals which are generated in the bowels of the earth, which is a womb for them; any cause whatever, or local trouble, may produce an imperfect metal. When pure sulphur comes in contact with pure mercury, after more or less time, and by the permanent action of nature, gold is produced. ** As quoted by {{w|Francis Preston Venable}}, ''A Short History of Chemistry'' (1894) [https://books.google.com/books?id=fN9YAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA28 p. 28.] * This dumb ox will fill the world with his bellowing. ** Attributed to Albertus Magnus in: Anne Jackson Fremantle (1962) ''The Great Ages of Western Philosophy : The Age of Belief : The Medieval Philosophers'' ** Albertus Magnus, in response to other of his students calling [[Thomas Aquinas]] a "dumb ox" because of his quietude. * Natural science does not consist in ratifying what others have said, but in seeking the causes of phenomena. ** Attributed to Albertus Magnus in: Albertus Magnus; cited in: Morris Bishop (1968) ''The Middle Ages''. p. 252. * Do there exist many [[worlds]], or is there but a single world? This is one of the most noble and exalted questions in the study of Nature. ** Attributed to Albertus Magnus in: R.C. Bless (1996) ''Discovering the cosmos''. p. 686. == Quotes about Albertus Magnus == *Albert held [[Aristotle]] in very high, boundless esteem. He was convinced that "nature had made him the standard of truth and that in him it had displayed the highest [[perfection]] of the human intellect. So he set about revising Aristotle in order to make him suitable for the Christian world. Before returning to Germany and taking over the direction of the Dominican College in Cologne, Albert began a complete paraphrase of all the works of Aristotle. :*Father [[Battista Mondin]], O.P., ''Il sistema filosofico di Tommaso d'Aquino. <small>Per una lettura attuale della filosofia tomista</small>'', Editrice Massimo, Milan February 1985, 1st edition, ISBN 88-7030-462-0, p. 15 (in Italian). * Of Albertus Magnus, the ''Doctor Universalis'' of the Dominicans, [[Roger Bacon]] writes that what is useful in his works might be summed up in a treatise twenty times as short as they are. ** [[w:Francis Seymour Stevenson|Francis Seymour Stevenson]], ''Robert Grosseteste: Bishop of Lincoln'' (1899) citing Bacon's ''Opus Tertium'', p. 30 & ''Opus Minus'', p. 327. * In speaking of [[Thomas Aquinas]], who, it is true, had not attained at the time when [[Roger Bacon]] wrote to the commanding position of authority which was afterwards accorded to him in the schools, he couples him with Albertus Magnus, and says that they both became teachers before they had been adequately taught, and lectured on a philosophy and a theology which they had imperfectly learned. ** [[w:Francis Seymour Stevenson|Francis Seymour Stevenson]], ''Robert Grosseteste: Bishop of Lincoln'' (1899) p. 50. == External links == {{wikipedia}} * "[http://www.u.arizona.edu/~aversa/scholastic/Dictionary%20of%20Scientific%20Biography/Albertus%20Magnus%20(Wallace).pdf Albertus Magnus, Saint]" by William A. Wallace (1970) in Gillispie, Charles. Dictionary of Scientific Biography 1. New York: Scribner & American Council of Learned Societies. pp. 99–103. {{DEFAULTSORT:Magnus, Albertus}} [[Category:People from Bavaria]] [[Category:Catholics from Germany]] [[Category:Roman Catholic bishops]] [[Category:Clergy]] [[Category:Saints]] [[Category:Theologians from Germany]] [[Category:Mystics]] [[Category:Philosophers from Germany]] [[Category:Chemists from Germany]] [[Category:Astrologers]] [[Category:Alchemists]] [[Category:12th century births]] [[Category:1280 deaths]] [[Category:Natural philosophers]] [[Category:Doctors of the Church]] 4ijg7g6ufh3bei8lp1r5yd1t5rim2zg 0 65822 3949390 3947297 2026-06-06T02:21:50Z ~2026-21258-26 3308661 3949390 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Miguel and Tulio (48570763292).jpg|thumb|Miguel and Tulio! Tulio and Miguel! Mighty and powerful gods!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Road to El Dorado|The Road to El Dorado]]''''' is a [[w:2000 in film|2000]] [[w:DreamWorks Animation|DreamWorks]] animated film about two thieves, Miguel and Tulio, who accidentally discover El Dorado, the city of gold, where they are mistaken for gods. :''Directed by [[w:Bibo Bergeron|Eric "Bibo" Bergeron]] and Don Paul. Written by [[w:Ted Elliott|Ted Elliott]] and [[w:Terry Rossio|Terry Rossio]], as well as additional sequences directed by [[w:Will Finn|Will Finn]] and [[w:David Silverman (animator)|David Silverman]], based on the 1994 book ''Conquest: Montezuma, Cortés and the Fall of Old Mexico'' by [[w:Hugh Thomas|Hugh Thomas]].'' {{center|'''They came for the gold... they stayed for the adventure.'''}} ==Tulio== * Miguel, if I believed in fate, I wouldn't be playing with loaded dice! * Well, it was nice working with you, partner. * '''''HOLY SHIP!''''' * Because the High Priest is '''NUTS!''' * Depart, mortal, before we strike you with a lightning bolt! * I'm trying! I'm trying! I can't think with all these distractions! * ''[rising anger]'' Apparently, "El Dorado" is native for... great... big... '''''ROCK!''''' ''[Tulio's voice echoes across the misty environment]'' * Miguel, you know that little voice people have that tells them to quit when they're ahead? You don't have one! * Uh, I wonder how long it would take Tzekel-Kan to do it. * All right. Here's the plan. In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those... one of those longboats... and then, we... row back to Spain like there's no mañana! * I'm on the verge of... '''''STOP!''''' ''[silence, as "STOP!" echoes]'' ==Miguel== * And they call us Miguel and Tulio! * Tulio, I just want you to know... I'm sorry about that girl in Barcelona. * We'll follow that trail! * Even those mountains! You said it yourself, it could be possible! And it is! It really is the map to El Dorado! * I have been around boats, believe me, and that, um, the pointy, tall, um, the long up and down thing. * You know, speaking of kings, the chief and the high priest seem a bit, uh, tense. * ''[to Tzekel-Kan]'' Hey, it was his stupid plan! * But, Tulio, this place is amazing. * Altivo! Hey, Altivo! You want the nice apple? Come and get it! But, you have to do a trick for me first! All you have to do, is find a pry bar. A long piece of iron with a hooky thing at the end. * The gods are speaking for themselves now! This city, and these people have no need for you anymore! There will be no sacrifices! Not now, not ever! Now get out! * Well, I like it! So, how do we get on deck? ==Chel== * Oh, then I suppose you'll be wanting these back? * I'm not really asking you to trust me, am I? * Uh, Chief? The gods have changed their minds about Xibalba. They wish to bask in the glory that has been shown them. * Tulio! The hip! The hip! * Save it for the High Priest, honey, you're gonna need it. * What is he gonna think when he sees a god with me? ==Tzekel-Kan== * You do not want the tribute? * Well, as speaker for the gods, it would be my privilege to point them out. * My Lord, these people will not respect if they do not fear you. * ''[first words]'' Behold! As the prophesies foretold, the time of judgement is now! Citizens, did I not predict that the gods would come to us? * As the "gods" command. * O mighty lords! Come. Let me show you to your temple. * To commemorate your arrival, I propose a reverent ceremony at dawn. * But in your perfection, you cannot know how imperfect humans are. They're like snakes, they are, spineless and slippery. They are as untrustworthy as rats, stealing and cheating, with no remorse. Spinning webs of lies, like spiders! * ''[last words]'' Wait! '''NO, WAIT!''' '''''WAIT!''''' * Now everyone will know the truth of your divinity. * Finally, we're connecting. ==Chief Tannabok== * My lords, why now do you choose to visit us? * You know, Lord Miguel, if you wish to stay, you only need to say so. * '''''STOP!''''' ''[the natives stop; a gold plate rolls toward the cliff and Tulio stops it with his foot]'' They wish to bask! Take the tribute to the gods' temple! * The mast? * Oh, we expected you to be staying with us for the next thousand years. * Big smile. Like you mean it. A-one, two, three. * Ah, then perhaps I could prepare a glorious feast for you tonight. ==Hernán Cortés== * Today, we sail to conquer the new world, for Spain, for glory, for gold! * ''[to Tzekel-Kan]'' You lying heathen. There's nothing here at all. * ''[Miguel and Tulio have been brought to Cortes, having been discovered hiding on his ship]'' My crew was chosen as carefully as the Disciples of Christ, and I will not tolerate stowaways. You will be flogged. And when we put in to Cuba to resupply, *God willing*, you will be flogged some more. And then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives. To the brig! * There is no El Dorado here. Onward, men. * It better be there, for your sake. ==Zaragoza== * Your dice are loaded! * One more roll! * A map of the wonders of the new world. * Not with those! This time we use my dice. ==Acolyte== * They've been cleared for the streets, my lord, so the city can be cleansed, as you ordered. * I don't know. * Yes. So the Age of the Jaguar can begin, as you ordered, my lord. * But, my lord, anyone who disobeys your orders must be punished, as your ordered. * Tzekel-Kan has made your commands clear, my lord. ==Others== * '''The Cook''': Hey, Altivo! Ah-ta-ta, not for you! You're on half rations. Orders from Cortes. * '''Warrior''': I'm okay! ''[the foot squishes the man then he roaring]'' I'm still okay! * '''Native''': Chief Tanni! Chief Tanni! Approaching the city, is an army of strangers. ['''Chief''': We are safe here. They'll never find the gate to the city.] But, sire, they are being led by Tzekel-Kan. * '''Kid #1''': The Gods deserve a proper tribute. * '''Kid #2''': Stop! There will be no sacrifices! == Dialogue and Quotes == :''[first lines, as the theme song begins by Elton John playing, then cut to Spain]'' :'''Cortes''': ''[scoops the water up in his cup]'' Today, we sail to conquer the new world, for Spain, for glory, for gold! :''[the crowd cheer]'' :'''Man''': Viva Cortes! :''[the guns fire at the horse, spilling water on his shirt]'' :'''Cortes''': Altivo, eyes forward. ''[throws a cup at the poster at two men named Miguel and Tulio, saying, "WANTED REWARD 100 DOUBLOONS"]'' :'''Tulio''': Seven! :'''Miguel''': All right! Yes! :'''Tulio''': Partner! Hee-hee! ''[grabs the dice]'' :'''Miguel''': ♪Tons of gold for you!♪ :'''Tulio''': Hey! ♪Tons of gold for me!♪ :'''Zaragoza''': Hey! :'''Miguel and Tulio''': ♪Tons of gold for we!♪ :'''Zaragoza''': '''''HEY!''''' :''[they both stop dancing, then Miguel stops playing the guitar]'' :'''Zaragoza''': '''''ONE MORE ROLL!''''' ''[Miguel plucks his guitar]'' :'''Tulio''': Uh, guys, you're broke! You got nothin' to bet with! :'''Zaragoza''': Oh, yeah? I got this! :'''Man''': A map! :'''Tulio''': A map? :'''Miguel''': A map! :'''Zaragoza''': A map of the wonders of the new world. :'''Miguel''': Wow! Let's have a look. ''[points at the map, grabbing it]'' Uh, Tulio! :'''Tulio''': Excuse us, for one moment, please. :'''Miguel''': Tulio, look! El Dorado, the city of gold. This could be our destiny, our fate. :'''Tulio''': Miguel, if I believed in fate, I wouldn't be playing with loaded dice. :'''Miguel''': Hmmm. :'''Tulio''': Not the face. No, no, no, no, no. No! No! No! No! No! No! :''[Miguel pants like a dog]'' :'''Zaragoza''': ''[grabs the map]'' I said one more roll! My map against your cash. :'''Miguel''': Hmm? :'''Tulio''': All right, peewee. You're on! :'''Zaragoza''': Not with those! This time we use my dice. Ehh, got a problem with that? :'''Tulio''': ''[shakes his head]'' No. ''[grabs the dice, whispering to Miguel]'' I'm going to kill you. :''[the map lands on the coins, then Miguel starts playing on the guitar]'' :'''Tulio''': Come on, baby. Papa needs that crappy map. :''[Miguel plays a guitar by the woman, giggling, then Tulio hands a dice to a woman, walking away, blowing his dice]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[to Miguel]'' Stop that! :''[Miguel stops playing on his guitar]'' :'''Tulio''': Show me seven! :''[Miguel looks at the dice, spinning around, landing on the ground, then they all cheer]'' :'''Tulio''': Seven! :'''Miguel''': All right! :'''Tulio''': Seven! :''[Zaragoza groans, then Miguel grabs a map by Zaragoza]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[laughing]'' There it is! Well, nice doing business with you! :''[the dice roll on the ground by Zaragoza]'' :'''Zaragoza''': ''[pounds on the ground]'' '''I KNEW IT!''' :''[Tulio grabs the dice by Zaragoza, then Miguel continues playing his guitar]'' :'''Zaragoza''': '''''YOUR DICE ARE LOADED!''''' :'''Tulio''': ''[grabs the guitar by Miguel]'' What? You gave me loaded dice? ''[the face hits on the guard]'' He gave me loaded dice! Guard, arrest him! :'''Miguel''': You dare to impugn my honor? He was the one who was cheating? Arrest him! He tricked these sailors and took their money! :'''Tulio''': Oh, now I'm the thief? :'''Miguel''': Yes. :'''Tulio''': Take a look in the mirror, pal! :'''Miguel''': Oh, you better give them that money back, or I'll... ''[takes a sword out]'' '''''EN GARDE!''''' :'''Tulio''': En garde, yourself. I will give you the honor of a quick and painless death. ''[takes a small sword]'' But not with that. ''[takes a big sword out]'' Never mind. Ha! I prefer to fight fairly. Aha! ''[they both fight]'' :'''Tulio''': Well, any last words? :'''Miguel''': I will cut you to ribbons, fool! :'''Tulio''': Such mediocrity. :'''Miguel''': Let your sword do the talking. I will. It will be loquacious to a fault! :'''Tulio''': Ha! Take that! ''[they both fight their swords, jumping on a table]'' :'''Tulio''': You, mincing, fencing, twit. :'''Miguel''': You fight like my sister. :'''Tulio''': I've fought your sister. That's a compliment. :'''Miguel''': Blackguard! :'''Tulio''': Heathen! ''[trips and falls to the ground]'' Not the face. not the face. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Miguel''': Ah, you fight like my sister. :'''Tulio''': I fought your sister. That's a compliment. :'''Miguel''': '''''BRAGGART!''''' :'''Tulio''': Heathen! ''[steps on a roof, breaking the piece, falling down]'' :'''Man''': Kill him! :'''Miguel''': Not the face. Not the face. ''[grabs another sword]'' :''[they all gasp and clamor]'' :'''Tulio''': Ladies and gentlemen, we've decided it's a draw. :'''Miguel''': ''[throws swords at the guard]'' Thank you all for coming. You've been great. See you seen. :'''Tulio''': Adios! :''[they both fall to the ground]'' :'''Miguel''': Congratulations. You're very good. :'''Tulio''': No. That was good. :'''Miguel and Tulio''': Very... :''[the bull appears at Tulio and Miguel, gasping, then mooing, then snorting]'' :'''Miguel''': We should have kept our swords, I think. :'''Tulio''': Yeah. ''[whispering]'' Yeah, I've got a plan. What is it? Uh, well... Uh, you pet him... :'''Miguel''': Yeah. :'''Tulio''': ...and I'll '''''RUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!''''' :''[they both start running]'' :'''Miguel''': Uh, well, thanks a lot! :''[the bull charges at Tulio and Miguel, climbing up on a wall, knocking the wall, sliding down, running at the men]'' :'''Man''': There they are! Yikes! Hide it! ''[the bull appears, then the men run away, then the bull continues charging at Tulio and Miguel, the the guards appear, taking the swords out, then they go inside with a woman screaming]'' :'''Tulio''': Bye. Thank you! ''[the guards gasps, then the bull knocks the guards over, with pieces flying in the air, with a hat rolling down the stairs, then they climb up, then they swing down, with clothes falling on the guards, then they land on the building, shooting arrows at them, then they look down at the barrels filled with water]'' :'''Miguel''': I'll bet we can make that. :'''Tulio''': Two ''[[w:Peseta|pesetas]]'' says we can't. :'''Miguel''': You're on! ''[they both jump of the edge and land in two barrels]'' You lose! ''[Tulio flips two pesetas into Miguel's barrel, Almost immediately, ropes are thrown around the two barrels and they are hoisted into the air.]'' :'''Tulio''': What's happening here? :'''Miguel''': We're both in barrels. That's the extent of my knowledge. ''[the man lowers the barrels on the ship, then the men roll the barrels, putting the barrels on the floor, then they spit their corks out]'' :'''Tulio''': Okay, Miguel, we gotta move fast. On III, we jump out and we head for the dock. :'''Miguel''': Good. Good. Okay. Excellent. :'''Miguel and Tulio''': 1, 2, 3. ''[the men put the chest on the boat as grunting]'' 3! 3! Ohh, 3! ''[cut at night, showing the half moon]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[off-screen]'' Uh, you ready? Ah, okay. One more. Let's go. :'''Miguel and Tulio''': One, two, three! ''[they pop out their barrels, then they hear a fly buzzing and the wind whistling]'' :'''Tulio''': Excuse us. :'''Miguel''': Okay. We're outta here. :'''Tulio''': Who ordered the, uh, pickles? ''[the guards locked Tulio and Miguel]'' :'''Miguel''': Cortes! :'''Cortes''': My crew was as carefully chosen as the disciples of Christ. ''[cracks his knuckles]'' And I will not tolerate stowaways. ''[Tulio gulps]'' You will be flogged. And when we put Cuba to resupply, God willing, you will be flogged some more, and then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives. To the brig. :'''Miguel''': All right! Cuba! :''[the guard carries Tulio and Miguel to the brig, then cut to the ships, then the man whistles, carrying apples to Altivo, chuckling, then nickering]'' :'''Man''': Hey, Altivo! Ah-ta-ta, not for you! You're on half rations. Orders from Cortes. :''[the apple drops on Miguel, gasps, then Miguel looks at Tulio banging on the wall]'' :'''Miguel''': So, uh, how's the... How's the escape plan coming? :'''Tulio''': All right. All right. Wait! I'm getting something. :'''Miguel''': Yeah. :'''Tulio''': ''[continues banging his head on the wall]'' Okay. Here's the plan. In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those longboats... and then, we... row back to Spain like there's no ''mañana!'' :''[Pause]'' :'''Miguel''': Back to Spain, yeah? :'''Tulio''': Yeah. :'''Miguel''': ''[uncertainly]'' In a ''rowboat.'' :'''Tulio''': You got it. :'''Miguel''': ''[sarcastically]'' Great. Sensational. And that, that's your plan, is it? :'''Tulio''': That's pretty much it. :'''Miguel''': ''[Delighted]'' Well, I like it! So, how do we get on deck? :'''Tulio''': Hmm. In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those longboats... :'''Miguel''': ''[bored; sarcastic]'' Oh, great! :'''Tulio''': ''[annoyed]'' Oh, okay, what's ''your'' idea, smart guy?! :'''Miguel''': ''[also annoyed]'' Wha-wha-what do you mean? Don't ask ''me'' that! You're the one with the plans. :''[they hear Altivo whinnying]'' :'''Miguel''': Wait, I... I have an idea. Uh, come on. Give me. Give me a boost. ''[holds the apple]'' Altivo! Hey, Altivo! You want the nice apple? Come and get it! But, you have to do a trick for me first! All you have to do, is find a pry bar. A long piece of iron with a hooky thing at the end. :'''Tulio''': Miguel, you're talking to a ''horse!'' :'''Miguel''': Yes, that's it Altivo. Find the pry bar! :'''Tulio''': Yes, "find the pry bar". He can't understand "pry bar"! He's a dumb horse, there's no way he'd- ''[Altivo drops keys into the brig]'' Well. It's ''not'' a pry bar. <hr width="50%"/> :''[cut at night, closing the top, then Miguel walks backwards, then Tulio takes the bag and barrel, then Altivo taps Miguel]'' :'''Miguel''': Oh, Altivo. Oh, thank you, old boy. Listen, if we can ever return the favor... :''[Altivo sniffs at Miguel]'' :'''Tulio''': For Pete's sake, Miguel, he's a ruthless warhorse, not a poodle. Come on, before he licks you to death. :'''Miguel''': ''[to Altivo]'' Adios. :''[Altivo whines, then he goes in a boat, then he looks in a boat]'' :'''Miguel''': Shh, shh. Shh. Quiet, please. :'''Tulio''': What's the matter with him? :'''Miguel''': Oh, he wants his apple. Well, give it to him before he wakes the whole ship! :'''Tulio''': Fetch! ''[throws an apple at Altivo, bouncing on the curtain, the pole, the telescope, then the apple splashes in the water, then Altivo dives in the water to try to get the apple]'' :'''Miguel''': Altivo! :'''Tulio''': Huh? Miguel! :''[Miguel dives in the water, then the boat lands in the water]'' :'''Miguel''': Altivo, I'm coming! :'''Tulio''': Miguel! Just hang on! :'''Miguel''': I'm right here, old boy! :'''Tulio''': Have you lost your mind? :'''Miguel''': Help is coming! :'''Tulio''': ''[gasping, seeing a ship]'' Holy ship! :''[the ship knocks Tulio and Miguel, splashing in the water, then they all gasp, then the crate breaks]'' :'''Tulio''': Loop the rope under the horse! :'''Miguel''': Yes! ''[takes an inhale, swimming underwater, grabbing Tulio]'' :'''Tulio''': On the count of three, pull back on the rope. :'''Miguel''': What? ''[gasping]'' :'''Tulio''': Three! :''[the ship splashes on Tulio and Miguel]'' :'''Tulio''': Pull! :''[Tulio and Miguel fall in the water, then they hold on the crate]'' :'''Miguel''': Tulio! Hey, it worked! :''[they climb on the boat]'' :'''Tulio''': Did any of the supplies make it? :'''Miguel''': Well, um, yes and no. :''[Altivo is shown eating the few supplies that made it into the boat.]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[sarcastically]'' Ohh, great! :'''Miguel''': Tulio, look on the positive side. At least things can't get- :''[Thunder claps and rain falls.]'' :'''Tulio''': Excuse me, were-were you about to say "worse"? :'''Miguel''': No. :'''Tulio''': No? :'''Miguel''': No. :'''Tulio''': You sure? :'''Miguel''': Absolutely not. I've revised that whole thing. :'''Tulio''': Yeah. We're at least in a rowboat. :'''Miguel''': We're in a rowboat. Exactly. You miss nothing. :''[they all look at the shark fins, then they continue rowing, then hearing a clap of thunder, with waves moving, then they hear a seagull, then the seagull lands on a paddle, coughing, laying down, then they smack their lips, then the shark eats the seagull on a paddle, then they all sob, then cut to evening, then they continue rowing the boat]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Miguel''': Tulio, did you ever imagine it would end like this? :'''Tulio''': ''[pauses]'' The horse is a surprise. :'''Miguel''': Any... regrets? :'''Tulio''': Besides dying? Yeah. I never... had enough... gold. :'''Miguel''': My regret, besides dying, is... our greatest adventure is over before it began, and no one will even remember us. :'''Tulio''': Well, if it's any consolation, Miguel, you... made my life... an adventure! ''[he starts crying]'' :'''Miguel''': And if it's any consolation, Tulio, ''[sniffles]'' you made my life... rich! ''[he also cries]'' :''[Altivo snorts in irritation; the boat has been drifting near land the whole time.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Miguel''': Tulio! We've done it! :'''Tulio''': What's that? The map? :'''Miguel''': It's all right here! :'''Tulio''': You ''still'' have the '''''map?!''''' :'''Miguel''': The whistling rock! The stream! :'''Tulio''': You kept the map, but you couldn't grab a little more '''''food?!''''' :'''Miguel''': Even those mountains! '''You''' said it yourself, it could be possible! And it is! It really ''is'' the map to El Dorado! :'''Tulio''': ''[flatly]'' You drank seawater, didn't you? :'''Miguel''': ''[frustrated]'' ''Oh, come on!'' :'''Tulio''': I'm not "coming on"! I wouldn't set foot in that jungle for a million pesetas! :''[Tulio starts to head back to the rowboat; Miguel gets an idea.]'' :'''Miguel''': ''[smirking]'' How about... a ''hundred'' million? :'''Tulio''': ''[stops]'' What? :'''Miguel''': I just thought that, after all, since El Dorado's the city of gold... :'''Tulio''': What's your point? :'''Miguel''': You know, dust, nuggets, bricks. A ''temple,'' where you could pluck gold from the very walls, but you don't want go! So let's go back to the boat and row back to Spain! After all, it worked ''so'' well last time. :''[Miguel pretends to head back to the boat; Tulio changes his mind and hurriedly stops him.]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[sputters]'' Wait! Hmm. Wait a minute. New plan. We ''find'' the City of Gold. We ''take'' the gold... and '''''then''''' we go back to Spain. :'''Miguel''': And ''buy'' Spain! :'''Tulio''': Yeah! :'''Miguel''': That's the spirit! ''[grabs the sword]'' Come on, Tulio. We'll follow that trail! :'''Tulio''': What trail? :'''Miguel''': ''[chopping the vines]'' The trail that we blaze! :''[the vines fall down, revealing a rock, long pause]'' :'''Miguel''': That trail that we blaze! :''[the music begins "The Trail We Blaze" by Elton John playing]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[grabs a leash]'' Oh, no, you don't. :''[Altivo bites Tulio's butt]'' :'''Tulio''': YEOW! Your horse bit me in the butt! ''[the snake hisses at Bibo, chopping the snake, then they walk down, pointing right]'' :'''Miguel''': Charge! ''[Altivo rides down, stopping by Tulio, then Tulio grabs a map by Miguel, looking at the map]'' :'''Tulio''': What are you looking at? ''[looks at Bibo]'' Whoa! ''[Altivo carries Tulio, riding down, going to the bird, then Miguel looks at a map, then Tulio walks away by Miguel, chopping the leaves, then Tulio jumps in the water, then Miguel takes the bugs/leeches off of Tulio, the Tulio walks on the rocks, then the fish bites Tulio's butt, running away, then Miguel brings a fish to Tulio]'' :'''Miguel''': Dinner is served. :'''Tulio''': Hello. ''[Tulio and Miguel jump in the water, then the monkey looks at Tulio and Miguel in the water, then the monkeys put clothes on, then the monkey puts his pants on, then the monkeys run away, then they get out, running away to try put the clothes back on, the the monkeys wave at Tulio, Miguel and Altivo, after they put clothes back on, then they look around, then they walk on a log, then they hear a thunderclap, starting to pour rain, then they ride down, leaping on stones, then Miguel looks at a map, then Tulio grabs a map, then they walk down, then the butterflies fly out, then they all walk up, then walking down, then the wood breaks, then they all fall down, then Bibo falls down, hitting the stone, then the map lands on Tulio, looking at it, looking around]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tulio''': Hmm. ''[scratches the stone]'' Miguel. Miguel, wake up. We're there. Oh, yeah. We found it. We found it? :'''Miguel''': Oh! Fantastic! Where is it? How far? :'''Tulio''': Right here! :'''Miguel''': Where? :'''Tulio''': Here. :'''Miguel''': Behind the rock? :'''Tulio''': No, no. This is it. :'''Miguel''': ''[stammering, grabbing a map]'' Give me that! This ca... What? :'''Tulio''': Apparently, "El Dorado" is native for... "Great... Big... '''ROCK!'''" ''[silence, as "ROCK!" echoes]'' Hey, but I tell you what. I'm feeling generous, so '''''you''''' can have '''''my''''' share! :'''Miguel''': Tulio, you don't think, Cortes could've gotten here before us and, and- :'''Tulio''': And what? Taken all the '''''really''''' big rocks? The '''''scoundrel!''''' :'''Miguel''': Tulio, you... We have to think about this. We've come all this way, and we should really, you know... :'''Tulio''': Get on the horse! :''[Miguel sighs]'' :'''Tulio''': No, no, no, not with the face. ''[picks Miguel up]'' Stop. ''[clears throat]'' Looks like there's a pass right over there. :''[A woman named Chel. She runs up to hold bag of gold? A Tulio and Miguel, bumping to Altivo, then Altivo walks backwards, then the guards run up, then they gasp]'' :'''Miguel and Tulio''': Hyah! :''[the guards stop by Tulio and Miguel, then Altivo snorts, then Chel throws a rock to Tulio, then Tulio throws a rock to Chel, then throwing the rock back and forth]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[chuckling]'' I've... ''[the rock hits Tulio]'' :'''Tulio''': Uh, hello. Is this your rock? Sorry. We were just looking. We're, uh... We're tourists! Tourist. ''[clears throat]'' We lost our group. May we go now? :''[Acolyte points at Tulio, gasping]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[chuckling]'' Spears. :''[Acolyte points the spear, then the guards follow by Acolyte, the Bibo looks at the stone, then the guard takes the rock to Chel]'' :'''Chel''': Hey! Hey! :''[Bibo looks at the guards, looking at the guards, then Acolyte walks in the waterfall, then they walk in the cave, then they get off of Altivo, then they walk in the boat, then Chel sits in the boat, then Miguel whistles, then the rocks fall down, then they look at the vines, gasping, then they all look at the light, gasping]'' :'''Miguel''': Oh, my... It's... It's... :'''Miguel and Tulio''': ''[whispering]'' El Dorado. :''[the boats continue riding down, with butterflies flying up, then Miguel looks at the fish, then Altivo puts a tail in the boat, then a boy walking with a woman with a pot, dropping it, then Bibo swims in a backstroke, then the boat arrives at the building, with a man running in the building, then cut to Chief, with a man whispering at Chief, then Acolyte walks in a building by Tzekel-Kan, chanting, then Acolyte whispers to Tzekel-Kan, pushing Acolyte, then cut back to Tulio and Miguel, walking up to the building]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tulio''': Well, it was nice working with you, partner. :'''Miguel''': Tulio, I just want you to know. I'm sorry about that girl in Barcelona. :'''Tulio''': So... You... You, f... :'''Tzekel-Kan''': '''''BEHOLD!''''' As the prophesies foretold, the time of judgement is now! :''[they both gasp, then Chief walks by Tzekel-Kan]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Citizens, did I not predict that the gods would come to us? :''[they all look around]'' :'''Miguel''': Hmm. :'''Tzekel-Kan''': ''[chuckling]'' My lords, I am Tzekel-Kan, your devoted high priest and speaker for the gods. :'''Tulio''': Hey. :'''Chief''': I am Chief Tannabok. What names may we call you? :'''Miguel''': Huh? I am Miguel. :'''Tulio''': And I am Tulio. :'''Miguel''': ''[gets off of Altivo, getting tangled up by the foot]'' And they call us Miguel and Tulio! :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Your arrival has been greatly anticipated. :'''Chief''': My lords, how long will you be staying in El Dorado? :''[Chel looks up]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Aha! ''[grabs Chel]'' I see you've captured this temple-robbing thief. ''[takes Chel]'' How would you have us punish her? :'''Chel''': Oh, no, no, no, no, no! My lord, I am not a thief. See, the gods sent me vision to bring them tribute from the temple to guide them here. My only wish is to serve the gods. :''[Tzekel-Kan continues holding Chel]'' :'''Tulio''': Release her, don't ya think? :'''Tzekel-Kan''': ''[lets go of Chel]'' Then you will begin by returning this to its rightful place. :''[Bibo climbs out of the water]'' :'''Chief''': My lords, why now do you choose to visit us? :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Enough! You do not question, the gods! :'''Miguel''': That's right! Do not question us, or we shall have to unleash our awesome and terrible power! And you don't want that! :'''Tzekel-Kan''': '''''WELL, YES! WE DO!''''' :'''Miguel''': You do? :'''Tzekel-Kan''': '''''OF COURSE WE DO! VISIT YOUR WRATH UPON THIS NONBELIEVER! SHOW US THE TRUTH OF YOUR DIVINITY!''''' :'''Tulio''': Divinity! One moment. :''[they all walk down]'' :'''Tulio''': Miguel, you know that little voice people have that tells them to quit when they're ahead? You don't have one! :'''Miguel''': Well, I'm sorry. I just got carried away! :'''Tulio''': Way away! :'''Miguel''': Maybe we should tell the truth and then beg for mercy. :'''Tulio''': Are you nuts? We'd be butchered alive! :'''Miguel''': Yes, but they're getting suspicious. And if we don't come up with some mega-cosmic event... ''[the volcano continues rumbling, then erupting]'' :'''Tulio''': I'm trying! I'm trying! I can't think with all these distractions! You... Horse... Think horse. :'''Miguel''': Think, think, think. :'''Tulio''': I'm on the verge of... '''''STOP!''''' ''[echoing]'' Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! ''[the smoke goes back in the volcano, then coughing, then they gasped, then they look around, then they put their hands out, then they all chant]'' :'''Miguel''': ''[to Acolyte]'' Don't make me start it up again, 'cause I will. :''[Acolyte bows down, then they walk to Tzekel-Kan, bowing down, then Chief bows down]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': O mighty lords! Come. Let me show you to your temple. :'''Miguel''': All right! Temple. :'''Tzekel-Kan''': ''[to Chief]'' Step aside. ''[walks up the stairs, they all walk up the stairs, then they walk in the building, then Tulio and Miguel climb up, then Chief and Tzekel-Kan look at Tulio and Miguel, then Altivo climbs up, then they open a curtain, then they bow, then they goes in]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': To commemorate your arrival, I propose a reverent ceremony at dawn. :'''Chief''': Ah, then perhaps I could prepare a glorious feast for you tonight. :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Which would you prefer? :'''Miguel''': Both. :'''Tulio''': Both. :'''Miguel and Tulio''': Both. :'''Miguel''': Both is good. :'''Chief''': My lords. :'''Tzekel-Kan''': My lords. :''[they both close the curtain]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': And so dawns the Age of the Jaguar. Happy new year. ''[chuckling, walking away by Chief]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[cut back to Tulio and Miguel]'' :'''Miguel''': Hey! :'''Tulio''': Hey. Hey. :''[Miguel laughs, tapping Tulio, then they laugh, then Altivo walks on the water]'' :'''Miguel''': Tulio. Tulio. They actually think we're gods. :'''Tulio''': It's an entire city of suckers. :''[Chel looks at Miguel, Tulio, and Altivo]'' :'''Tulio''': We just have to keep this up long enough, to load up on the gold and then get the hell out of here! :'''Miguel''': Tulio, we'll be living like kings! :'''Tulio''': Miguel and Tulio! :'''Miguel''': Tulio and Miguel! Mighty and powerful... :'''Miguel and Tulio''': Gods! :'''Chel''': Hello. ''[both yells out; Chel bursts out laughing]'' :'''Tulio''': Depart, mortal, before we strike you with a lightning bolt! ''[Chel hums calmly]'' :'''Miguel''': Beware the wrath of the gods! Begone! ''[mimics lightning bolt]'' Ck-ck! :'''Chel''': ''[smiling]'' Save it for the High Priest, honey. You're gonna need it. :'''Miguel''': Ck-ck! :'''Tulio''': Miguel, it's not working. :'''Miguel''': Ck-ck! :'''Tulio''': Miguel! We've been caught. :'''Miguel''': Ck-ck... :'''Chel''': Oh, no. Don't worry about me. "My only wish is to serve the gods." Remember? :'''Tulio''': How? :'''Chel''': Well, you guys both want the gold and you don't want to get caught, right? You're going to need my help. :'''Miguel''': What makes you think we need ''your'' help? :'''Chel''': ''[mimics Miguel's lightning sound]'' "Ck-ck!" Are you serious? ''[Altivo laughs in a neigh. Miguel and Tulio stammer in disbelief]'' :'''Miguel''': Okay. So, uh, who are you? :'''Tulio''': Yeah, uh, what's your angle? :'''Chel''': ''[chuckles]'' No angle. I want in. :'''Tulio''': In? :'''Chel''': On the scam. :'''Tulio''': ''[chuckles nervously]'' There's no scam. Why would you think there's a s-? ''[suddenly serious]'' '''''Why?!''''' :'''Chel''': ''[chuckles]'' So I can get out. :'''Miguel''': I thought she just said she wanted in? :'''Tulio''': She wants ''in'' so she can get ''out.'' :'''Miguel''': Aha! Got it. ''[confused]'' Why? :'''Chel''': Think you're the only ones who dream of better things? Of adventure? You've got your reasons, and I've got mine. Let's not make it personal, okay? It's just business. :'''Miguel and Tulio''': '''''Oh.''''' :'''Chel''': ''[puts both her arms around Miguel and Tulio]'' So, when you guys are ready to go back to wherever you came from, I'm going with you. :'''Tulio''': ''[bursts out laughing and gently removes Chel's hand from behind his neck]'' No! Don't think so. ''[Miguel coughs and whistles]'' :'''Chel''': All right. Fine. ''[chuckles and hits Miguel and Tulio's chests as she passes them]'' After all, I'm sure you know the proper rituals for blessing a tribute, the holiest days on the calendar, oh, and of course you know all about Xibalba. ''[pinches Tulio's cheek and giggles]'' Okay? Good luck. ''[Tulio rubs his cheek]'' See you at the execution. :'''Tulio''': ''[sputters]'' Wait! Ho- Would you- Hold it. :'''Chel''': ''[chuckles]'' Deal? :'''Tulio''': Hmm. :'''Miguel''': ''[stretches hand out]'' Deal. :'''Tulio''': ''[pull Miguel's hand away]'' Not yet. Let's just see how this works out. :'''Chel''': Uh-huh. Well, then, I suppose that means you'll want these back? ''[produces Tulio's dice in her hand]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[pats his vest pocket, shocked]'' ''How'd you get those?'' ''[snatches them back from Chel and replaces them in his vest pocket]'' :'''Miguel''': ''[raising eyebrows]'' Where was she ''keeping'' them? :'''Chel''': Call me, Chel, your new partner. :'''Tulio''': Uh, that's partner-in-training. :'''Chel''': Now, put these on. Your public's waiting. :'''Tulio''': ''[he and Miguel are about to undress, but Tulio stops.]'' Do you mind? :'''Chel''': ''[not realizing what Tulio meant.]'' No. ''[suddenly, she gets the idea.]'' Oh! Oh! Oh! Right. Uh, excuse me. ''[Miguel struggles to take his shoe of.]'' Bye. :'''Miguel''': Mm-mm-mmm! Maybe they should call this place "Chel Dorado." :'''Tulio''': ''[distracted]'' She's whoo- ''[breaks distraction]'' Whoa, she's trouble! Wait a minute! :'''Miguel''': What? :'''Tulio''': The little voice? Remember the little voice? Well, just for a second, imagine that you have one. What would it be saying about Chel? :'''Miguel''': Hmm... ''[purrs]'' :'''Tulio''': '''''No.''''' No. Listen. We are partners. :'''Miguel''': We're partners. :'''Tulio''': We have a ''plan,'' remember? :'''Miguel''': Get the gold, go back to Spain. :'''Tulio''': Yes. '''''And''''' we are pretending to be ''Gods'' now. Put Chel in the mix. What is the voice saying? Listen carefully. :'''Miguel''': ''[hesitantly]'' Chel is...off-limits, hmm? ''[game show bell dings]'' :'''Tulio''': Bravo! Chel is off-limits! Shake on it. ''[he and Miguel do a secret handshake.]'' Off-limits. :'''Miguel''': Besides, we're supposed to be Gods. We must avoid giving in to temptation. :'''Tulio''': Gods. ''[cloth falls down, but Tulio catches it and ties it back up again.]'' Oh. ''[embarrassed]'' This is gonna be tougher than I thought. :'''Miguel''': Tulio, relax. All you have to do is smile, act Godly and follow my lead. <hr width"50%"/> :''[Tulio gasps]'' :'''Chief''': Big smile. Like you mean it. A-one, two, three. :''["It's Tough to Be a God" begins]'' :'''Tulio''': ''♪''I hardly think I'm qualified. To come across all sanctified. I just don't cut it with the cherubim.♪ :''[the baby bites Tulio's finger]'' :'''Miguel''': Tulio, what are you talking about? ♪There again, they're on their knees. Being worshipped is a breeze. Which rather suits us in. The interim.♪ :'''Tulio''': ♪Interim, interim, it's me and him.♪ Oh, my God! :'''All''': ♪It's tough to be a god!♪ :'''Tulio''': ♪Tread where mortals have not trod. Be deified when really you're a sham!♪ :''[Altivo bites the fruit]'' :'''Tulio''': ♪Be an object of devotion, be the subject of psalms!♪ :'''Miguel''': ♪It's a rather touching notion! All those prayers and those salaams!♪ :'''Tulio''': ♪And who am I to bridle? If I'm forced to be an idol? If they say that I'm a god. That's what I am! What's more if we don't comply, with the locals' wishes, I can see us being sacrificed. Or stuffed.♪ :'''Miguel''': You have a point there. Very good thinking. ''♪''So let's be gods! The perks are great!♪ :'''Tulio''': Yeah! :'''Miguel''': ♪El Dorado on our plates.♪ :'''Tulio''': Thank you. :'''Miguel''': ♪Local feelings should not be rebuffed.♪ :'''Tulio''': ♪Never rebuffed. I never rebuff a local feeling. No, my friend.♪ :'''All''': ♪It's tough to be a god! But if you get the people's nod! Count your blessings! Yeah, keep 'em sweet! That's our advice!♪ :'''Miguel''': It's great advice! :'''All''': ♪Be a symbol of perfection! Be a legend, be a cult! Take their praise, take a collection! As the multitudes exalt!♪ :'''Miguel''': ♪Don a supernatural habit!♪ :'''Tulio''': ♪We'd be crazy not to grab it!♪ :'''Miguel''': You got it! :'''All''': ♪So sign on two new gods for paradise! Paradise!♪ :''[they both tap their cups, then Chief dances with the group, then Altivo dances, laying down on the ground, fade to black]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[then cut to Tulio and Miguel sleeping, then Tzekel-Kan appears, then they both gasp]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Good morning, my lords! :'''Miguel''': He's back! :'''Tulio''': Oh, no. :'''Tzekel-Kan''': And now it's my turn! '''''THE GODS HAVE AWAKENED!''''' ''[echoing]'' :''[they all cheer, then Tulio falls to the ground]'' :'''Tulio''': Mm-hmm. :''[Chel throws flower petals on the ground]'' :'''Tulio''': Hey, Chel, what's going on? :'''Chel''': It's not gonna be good. :'''Tulio''': Thank you. :'''Tzekel-Kan''': This city has been granted a great blessing. And what have we done to show our gratitude? A meager celebration. '''THE GODS DESERVE A PROPER TRIBUTE!''' :''[the woman reveal a bag, then they shake their head]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': The beginning of a new era, the dawning of a new age, demands, sacrifice! :''[the bag reveals a man, then they all gasp]'' :'''Tulio''': I don't like this. :'''Miguel''': Tulio, we've got to do something. :''[Tzekel-Kan starts to perform a human sacrifice.]'' :'''Tulio''': Stop! :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Hmm? :''[Miguel and Tulio walk up to victim.]'' :'''Tulio''': This is not a proper tribute! :''[Miguel rescues the intended victim and drags him to safety.]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': ''[surprised]'' You do not ''want'' the tribute? :'''Miguel''': No. No, no. W-We want tribute. Uh, it's just that, um... Tulio, tell him. :'''Tulio''': The stars are not in position for this tribute! :'''Miguel''': Like he said! Stars...can't do it. Not today. :'''Tzekel-Kan''': ''[uncertain]'' Ah. Perhaps it is possible that I... misread the heavens. :'''Miguel''': Don't worry about it. To err is human. To forgive. Hmm. :'''Chief''': My lords, may the people of El Dorado offer you our tribute. ''[points at the women natives carrying gold]'' :''[Tulio gasps, looking at the people holding gold]'' :'''Chief''': My lords, does this please you? :''[Tulio sighs]'' :'''Miguel''': Yes, very nice. :'''Tulio''': Certainly acceptable. :'''Miguel''': Yes, lovely. It'll do. :'''Chief''': The gods have chosen! To Xibalba? :''[the crowd murmur]'' :'''Chel''': No. No. :'''Miguel and Tulio''': To Xibalba! :'''Chel''': Oh, great. :'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' Xibalba! Xibalba! :''[the woman throws gold in the whirlpool, then they look at the gold falling in the whirlpool]'' :'''Miguel''': Hey, Chel, um, what are they doing? :'''Chel''': They're sending it Xibalba, the spirit world. ''[the gold continues falling the whirlpool]'' :'''Tulio''': The spirit world. :'''Chel''': I'll take care of it. ''[clears throat]'' Um, excuse me, Chief. The gods have changed their minds about Xibalba. They wish to bask in the reverence that has been shown them. :'''Chief''': '''STOP!''' :''[they all stop throwing gold in the whirlpool, then a gold plate rolls towards the cliff by Tulio, and stops it with his foot]'' :'''Chief''': They wish to bask! Take the tribute to the gods' temple! :''[Chel walks by Tulio and Miguel]'' :'''Tulio''': Nice going. :''[they all walk in, then Chief chuckles]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Smile while you can. :''[cut to Cortes, breaking a skull]'' :'''Cortes''': ''[looking around]'' Well, well, well, what have we here? ''[evil chuckle]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[cut back to El Dorado]'' :'''Tulio''': Ai-ai-ai. :'''Miguel''': ♪Tons of gold for you, hah!♪ :'''Tulio''': ♪And tons of gold for me, hoo!♪ :'''Miguel and Tulio''': ♪And tons of gold for we, ah!♪ :'''Tulio''': Not bad for a day's work, eh? :'''Miguel''': Not bad at all. :'''Tulio''': Yeah. We just became richer than the king of Spain. ''[laughing]'' :'''Miguel''': You know, speaking of kings, the chief and the high priest seem a bit, uh, tense. :'''Tulio''': Buenos Dias! Listen, all we have to do is keep playing the one against the other. You know, do a little god dance, chant some mystic mumbo jumbo, dazzle 'em with some smoke and mirrors and then get the hell back to Spain. :'''Miguel''': Um, Tulio, how are we gonna get all this back to Spain? :'''Tulio''': Ummm... :'''Chief''': A boat? :'''Tulio''': Yeah. :'''Miguel''': Um, we really hate to be ascending so soon, but, uh, some urgent business has come up, family matters, you know, and it's just a bit... :'''Tulio''': Yeah, family. :'''Miguel''': Badda-bing, budda-boom, you know what I mean? :'''Chief''': Oh, we expected you to be staying with us for the next thousand years. :'''Tulio''': Well, as we say in the spirit world, there's your plan and then, there's the gods' plan. :'''Miguel''': Mm-hmm. :'''Tulio''': And our plan, uh, calls for a boat, 'cause we're gonna ascend kind of in a horizontal pattern at first. :''[Miguel chuckles]'' :'''Tulio''': And then we're gonna go vertical, uh, as we get further out to sea. :'''Chief''': Hmm. To build a boat large and glorious enough, would take about a week. :'''Tulio''': A week? Hmm. :'''Miguel''': Um... :'''Tulio''': Uh, I wonder how long it would take Tzekel-Kan to do it. :'''Chief''': But for the gods, uh, three days. :'''Tulio''': Uh... :'''Miguel''': Well, if that's the best you can do. :'''Chief''': Oh, perhaps if you were not burdened with so much tribute, you could leave sooner. :'''Miguel''': Hmm? :'''Tulio''': Hmm? I like it here. Miguel? :'''Miguel''': Yep, yep. Three days is just fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tulio''': ''[After he and Miguel tell the chief that they intend to stay in El Dorado for three days so that a boat can be built for them, Tulio is tossing gold ear rings in his hands and looking worried]'' No. Three days is not fine. This is a real... ''[he hands the gold ear rings to Chel]'' These. These are the ones. :'''Chel''': ''[accepts them from Tulio]'' Thank you. :'''Tulio''': ...problem. ''[Turns to Miguel sitting on a chair]'' Miguel, how are we going to keep this up for three days? :'''Miguel''': ''[Gets off the chair looking exasperated at Tulio's concern]'' You worry too much. :'''Tulio''': ''[runs toward Miguel]'' No, I worry exactly the right amount! ''[turns Miguel around]'' You can ''never'' worry too much! We just have to lie low. :'''Miguel''': ''[Looks out at a view of the city in awe with beautiful music playing in the background]'' But, Tulio, this place is amazing. I mean, I wonder what's- :'''Tulio''': ''[cuts him off]'' [[The Fox and the Hound|No!]] ''[record needle scratches, stopped the music]'' '''''[[w:Robots (2005 film)|Don't even move!]]''''' :'''Miguel''': Tulio- :'''Tulio''': No moving!? :'''Miguel''': A little, but-- Come on. :'''Tulio''': Hey! Hey! Hey! ''[He and Miguel scuffle]'' Stay! :'''Miguel''': I- ''[Tulio groans in annoyance.]'' I just- :'''Tulio''': Just...stand there! :'''Miguel''': ''[frozen in shock]'' For ''three days?'' ''[he topples over]'' :'''Tulio''': Yes! Exactly. For three days. Don't even breathe, all right? :'''Miguel''': ''[gets up and brushes his sleeve clean]'' All right. We lie low. :'''Tulio''': No, ah-ah-ah-ah! Promise? :'''Miguel''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, all right, all right. :'''Tulio''': ''[sighs in relief]'' Great. Good. Okay. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to... ''[tickles Chel]'' ...gloat over my gold. ''[he kisses a small gold statue happily. Chel giggles, then Tulio kisses the gold]'' :'''Tulio''': Oh, yum, yum, yum. :'''Chel''': ''[walks by Miguel]'' It's beautiful, isn't it? :'''Miguel''': Yeah! :'''Chel''': You know, you really shouldn't miss it. :'''Miguel''': I know. But I couldn't. :'''Chel''': Go ahead. I'll cover for you. :'''Miguel''': Oh, good. Thanks. ''[walks away by Chel]'' So, what happened to Altivo? :'''Chel''': I don't know. :'''Tulio''': ♪Tulio goes for paradise!♪ Hey, what happened to Miguel? :'''Chel''': I don't know. :'''Tulio''': ''[drops the gold]'' Oh, my God! '''HE'S GONE! MIGUEL'S GONE! HE'S LOOSE! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?''' Oh, no, no! ''[sobs]'' :'''Chel''': Oh, Miguel is right. You worry too much. :'''Tulio''': ''[groaning]'' Oh. Ooh. ''[moaning]'' Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, down, down, down, down. ''[Chel hums]'' No! No! Big trouble. ''[gets up]'' Big trouble. ''[chuckling]'' Whoa! Look, sweetheart, we're in the middle of a con here, walking the razor's edge. On the one hand, gold! On the other hand, painful, agonizing failure! ''[clears throat]'' I can't afford any tempta... uh, distractions. So, I'm sorry. So sorry. ''[takes a sharp inhale]'' But perhaps another time? Another place, hmm? :'''Chel''': ''[chuckling]'' Too bad. I'm free now. :'''Tulio''': I'm not really sure I trust you. :'''Chel''': I'm not really asking you to trust me. Am I? :'''Tulio''': Whoo. 'Kay. ''[rubs Chel, moaning]'' Ooh, yeah. <hr width="50%"/> :''[cut to Miguel, walking down, looking at the birds, then looking at the people running, then walking to Acolyte]'' :'''Miguel''': ''[to Acolyte]'' Excuse me. Excuse me? Hey, where is everybody? :'''Acolyte''': They've been cleared for the streets, my lord, so the city can be cleansed, as you ordered. :'''Miguel''': Cleansed? :'''Acolyte''': Yes. So the Age of the Jaguar can begin, as you ordered, my lord. :'''Man''': Get back in! Where are you going?! :'''Miguel''': Hey! Hey, stop that! :'''Man''': Move! :'''Miguel''': Hey, stop that! :'''Man''': MOVE!? :'''Miguel''': What are you doing?! Stop that! :'''Acolyte''': But, my lord, anyone who disobeys your orders must be punished, as your ordered. :'''Miguel''': It seems I've been giving a lot of orders, haven't I? :'''Acolyte''': Tzekel-Kan has made your commands clear, my lord. :'''Miguel''': Really? Here's an order. Take the day off. :'''Man''': Huh? :'''Miguel''': Are you all right?m''[the man pants]'' Here. ''[the man hands the gold]'' Oh, no! It's all right, please. ''[the man runs away by Miguel, then tripping on the wood, with instruments falling down, then Miguel plays the guitar]'' Hey, Altivo. There you are. ''[the kids gasp, then playing the guitar, then the kids watch Miguel playing a guitar, then they chuckle, then the men watch Miguel playing a guitar, then the music begins "Without Question" by Elton John playing, then taking a guitar to the man, then walking away, looking at the fish, looking at the people, then the men spin around, then Miguel spins around, then the man takes a bowl to Miguel, then feeding the birds, then the flamingo eats the bird feed, then walking down on a turtle, then putting a domino on the floor, then knocking the dominoes down, revealing the sun, running away, looking at Altivo, with a brown ball passing at Miguel, then the kids play with a brown ball, looking at the children, throwing a brown ball up, then the children play with a ball, taking it to Miguel, then bouncing on the knee, and the butt, then they run down, then Tzekel-Kan and Acolyte watch Miguel and the children with a brown ball bouncing on his knee]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': ''[looks at a book]'' Hmm. This is not what I expected. Perhaps Lord Tulio will enlighten me. ''[puts the book away, chuckling, licking on his tongue, smearing on the head]'' How do I look? :'''Acolyte''': Oh, uh... Well, you... :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Oh, shut up. <hr width=50%/> :''[Chel and Tulio kiss heavily off-screen.]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': My Lords? ''[Chel stops kissing Tulio and sits up in horror. Tulio comes up, and his hair and face are messed up.]'' Hello? :'''Chel''': ''[pushes Tulio down]'' The High Priest! :'''Tulio''': Ow! :'''Chel''': ''[horrified gasp]'' What's he gonna think if he finds one of the Gods like this with ''me?!'' :'''Tulio''': ''[dazed]'' Uh, "Lucky God"? :'''Chel''': J-Just- just- just... ''[frustratedly fixes Tulio's hair]'' Ohh! :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Hello? ''[Chel kicks Tulio toward Tzekel-Kan]'' :'''Tulio''': Whoa! Oh, Tzekel-Kan! What brings you here? :'''Tzekel-Kan''': I humbly request to have an audience with you, my lord. :'''Tulio''': Lord, yes. What can I do for you? :'''Tzekel-Kan''': My Lord, I have just seen Lord Miguel out among the people. :'''Tulio''': '''''Really?''''' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': If I may be so bold as to offer some advice? :''[Chel signals Tulio to cut Tzekel-Kan off]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[misreads Chel's signal]'' All right, shoot. :''[Chel facepalms and groans in frustration. Tzekel-Kan fails to notice this]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': My Lord, ''you'' are ''perfect.'' :'''Tulio''': Oh. Well, go on. :'''Tzekel-Kan''': But in your perfection, you cannot know how ''imperfect'' humans are. ''[begins to conjure menacing images]'' They're like ''snakes,'' they are, spineless and slippery. They are as untrustworthy as rats, stealing and cheating, with no remorse. ''[takes a bite out of a conjured pear then spits it out]'' Spinning webs of lies, like ''spiders!'' ''[crushes a conjured spider in his hand]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[grossed out]'' Stop it! That's disgusting! :'''Tzekel-Kan''': ''[makes all the conjured images vanish]'' They're '''''beyond''''' disgusting! :'''Tulio''': Yeah, yeah! ''Way'' beyond! :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Then we're in agreement, I shall think the proper preparations. Now, do you wish to have your victims bound to altar, or would you prefer them free range? And will you devour their essence whole, or ''piece-by-piece?'' :'''Tulio''': ''[pauses]'' Tzekel, you've lost me. :'''Tzekel-Kan''': My Lord, these people will not respect if they do not ''fear'' you. :'''Tulio''': And, of course, we will ''make'' them fear us, by, uh-- :'''Tzekel-Kan''': By ''sacrifice!'' As it is prophesied, the history of the Age of the Jaguar will be written in-- :'''Tulio''': Ink? :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Blood! :'''Tulio''': Blood! Oh! Oh, yes. This is very important stuff. I should tell Lord Miguel about this blood ''issue'' right away. ''[to Chel]'' Come on, honey. Let's go. :'''Tzekel-Kan''': ''[relieved]'' Finally, we're connecting. <hr width="50%"/> :''[cut back to Cortes and the guards, looking at the bird shape]'' :'''Cortes''': ''[to the guards]'' This way. ''[cut back to El Dorado, playing with the ball, running to Miguel]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[angrily whispers]'' '''''What''' do you '''think''' you're '''doing?''''' :'''Miguel''': ''[chuckles]'' Lying low. :'''Tulio''': ''[growls at Miguel]'' ''[whispers]'' Look, change of plans. We have to grab what we can carry, and get out of here now. :'''Miguel''': ''[whispers]'' What? Why? :'''Tulio''': ''[whispers]'' Because the High Priest is ''nuts.'' He wants... :'''Tzekel-Kan''': This is '''''UNACCEPTABLE!''''' :'''Tulio''': Yeah. Yeah. Like he said. :'''Tzekel-Kan''': The gods ''should not'' be playing ball like this! :'''Tulio''': Well, exactly! :'''Tzekel-Kan''': '''''THIS IS HOW THE GODS SHOULD PLAY BALL!''''' :''[they all cheer, then they hear a horn]'' :'''Miguel''': Well, don't blame me. :'''Tulio''': ''[to Miguel]'' I blame you. :''[they all cheer]'' :'''Tulio''': What is the object of this game, pray tell? :'''Chel''': You've gotta knock the ball through the hoop. :'''Tulio''': What hoop? :'''Chel''': That hoop. :''[they all look at the hoop]'' :'''Tulio''': That's impossible. We're gonna lose. :'''Chel''': Gods don't lose. :''[Tzekel-Kan snaps his fingers, then the men run up]'' :'''Men''': Heep-ha! :'''Tzekel-Kan''': My lords, Chief Tannabok's warriors are the finest ballplayers in the city. Fifteen mere mortals against two gods. :''[they both gulp]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': I realize it's a bit uneven... :'''Men''': Heep-ha! :'''Tzekel-Kan''': ...but I do hope they'll challenge you enough to make the game interesting. PLAY BALL! :''[the crowd cheer, then Tzekel-Kan puts a brown ball on the ground]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Crush them into the dust. ''[chuckling]'' Enjoy. :'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! :''[the men run up to Tulio and Miguel, kicking the brown ball, dodging the brown ball]'' :'''Chel''': D'oh. D'oh. :''[the men watch the brown ball bounce]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': My lords, were you supposed to put the ball into play? :'''Tulio''': Ohh! Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We were merely demonstrating the, um, traditional, uh, first avoidance maneuver. :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Ah. I've never heard such a thing. :'''Miguel''': Excuse me. Who invented this game? :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Why the gods... ''[chuckling]'' ...of course. :'''Tulio''': I'm warning you, don't push your luck with this guy. :'''Miguel''': But, Tulio, we're the gods. ''[throws a brown ball at the men, then kicking the ball, knocking their butts, hitting the wall]'' :'''Chel''': Tulio! The hip! The hip! :''[Tulio knocks the ball, hitting the wall]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[panting]'' This is impossible. :''[the man kicks the brown ball in the hoop, then they cheer, blowing the horn, then they groan, putting the gold on]'' :'''Miguel''': Excuse me? :'''Men''': Heep... Haaa! :''[the man puts another gold on]'' :'''Men''': Heep-ha! Heep-ha! Heep-ha! Heep-ha! :''[the men run by Tulio and Miguel, then they both groan, then they play with a ball, showing the gold, making it nine, then the men grab the brown ball]'' :'''Chel''': '''FOUL!''' That was a foul! :''[the men grab the brown ball, bouncing by Chel]'' :'''Warrior''': ''[off-screen]'' New ball! :''[they both pant]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[exhausted]'' How long does this go on, anyway? :'''Chel''': The game is over when the shadow touches this line. :'''Miguel''': We need a miracle. :'''Tulio''': No, we need to ''cheat.'' ''[takes Bibo]'' :''[the men try to grab Bibo, rolling around Miguel, landing in the wheel]'' :'''Miguel and Tulio''': Yes! :''[the crowd cheer, then they hear a horn, then the men knock Bibo into the hoop]'' :'''Miguel and Tulio''': Huh? :''[the men kick Bibo, then Tulio kicks Bibo into the hoop, then Tzekel-Kan claps]'' :'''Chel''': Whoo-hoo-hoo! :''[Miguel kicks the Bibo in the hoop]'' :'''Miguel and Tulio''': Ole! :''[Tulio kicks Bibo into the hoop, then they kick their butts, kicking Bibo on the hoop, rolling around, bouncing back and forth]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Hmm. :''[the men stand up, showing the gold, because it's a tie]'' :'''Chel''': Yes! ''[laughing]'' :'''Miguel''': Who's the god? :'''Tulio''': You de god. ''[kicks Bibo]'' :'''Miguel''': No, you the god. :'''Tulio''': No, you de god. :'''Miguel''': Fine. ''[Bibo bounces in a ball bin, then Chel takes a brown ball to Tulio and Miguel]'' :'''Chel''': Yeah! Yeah! :''[Bibo coughs, then the brown ball bounces by Tulio and Miguel, then Altivo flies the brown ball to Tulio and Miguel, pounding the ball on his hands]'' :'''Chel''': Guys, it's here! It's right here with me! :''[the brown ball hits Tulio, then they gasp, hitting Miguel, kicking the ball in the hoop, then they gasp, then they all gasp, then Bibo chitters, then they look at the brown ball in the hoop, then Altivo taps the wall, letting the brown ball fall down, then they all cheer, then blowing a horn]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': I love this game! ''[laughing]'' :'''Miguel and Tulio''': Yes! :''[they knock their bodies]'' :'''Tulio''': Well done, partner. :'''Chel''': Yes! Yes! :'''Tzekel-Kan''': My lords, congratulations on your victory. And now, you will, of course, wish to have the losing team, sacrificed to your glory. :''[the men bow down, groaning]'' :'''Miguel''': Not again. Look, Tzekel-Kan... :'''Tulio''': Uh, Miguel? :'''Miguel''': ...forget the sacrifices. :'''Tulio''': Miguel. :'''Miguel''': We don't want any sacrifices. :'''Tzekel-Kan''': But all of the sacred writings say that will you devour the wicked and the unrighteous. :'''Miguel''': Well, I don't see anyone here who fits that description. :'''Tzekel-Kan''': ''[scoffs]'' Well, as speaker for the gods, it would be my privilege to point them out. :'''Miguel''': The gods are speaking for themselves now! This city and these people have no need for you anymore! ''[pushes Tzekel-Kan]'' There will be no sacrifices! ''[stands the men up]'' Not now, not ever! ''[the crowd cheers as to Tzekel-Kan]'' Get out! ''[Tzekel-Kan gasps, then scoffs, then the crowd continue cheering, then Tzekel-Kan gasps, then the eyebrow puts blood inside]'' :'''Tulio''': (Miguel, enough.) :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Mmm. As the gods, command. ''[the men grab Miguel, then the men grab Tulio]'' :'''Miguel''': Hey, not bad for my first commandment, huh? :'''Tulio''': ''[laughing]'' Miguel, the little voice... ''[stammering]'' Yeah, fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Do you know why the gods '''''demand''' ''[?]'' blood? :'''Acolyte''': [[Inside Out 2|I don't know.]] :'''Tzekel-Kan''': ''[the knife cuts the hand as wipes the blood with a rockstone]'' Because "''Gods...'' ''''' don't...''''' ''''' bleed..."''''' ''[the blood goes back inside the hand]'' It's time to take the future into my own hands, and this city will be '''''cleansed.''''' Even if I have to do it myself. :'''Acolyte''': Uh, how? :'''Tzekel-Kan''': ''[grabs a book]'' There are dark magics here, and power, and... Ooh. My, my, my, my, my. ''[throws a book to Acolyte]'' It's not called the '''"Age of the Jaguar"''' for nothing. ''[looking at the men, building a boat]'' This'll be a delightful way to bid the '''''false''''' gods, good-bye. <hr width="50%"/> :''[the man uses an ax to chop a log, then they continue chopping a log to build a boat, chopping a stone, then Miguel looks at the stone]'' :'''Tulio''': Adios, muchacho! ''[holds a flower to Chel, then the birds fly away]'' :''[the man chops a hoof on Altivo, putting flowers on Altivo]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Miguel''': Well, it's, um, uh, nice. :'''Chief''': Nice? :'''Miguel''': Yes, nice. But? Um, but, uh, is it really fit for the gods? :'''Chief''': My lord. :'''Miguel''': ''[chuckling]'' I have been around boats, believe me, and that, um, the pointy, tall, um, the long up and down thing. :'''Chief''': The mast? :'''Miguel''': The mast, yes, yes. The mast is good. Well, look at it. ''[stammering]'' There's not nearly enough, uh, um, rope. :'''Chief''': Rope? :'''Miguel''': Yes, rope. Exactly my point. Vertical ascension requires a lot more, uh, rope. :'''Chief''': My lord. ''[chuckling]'' :'''Miguel''': And look at this. ''[grunting, tapping on the bloat, clears his throat]'' This doesn't look at all secure. Chief, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but in all, it is a complete do-over. ''[continues looking down]'' :'''Chief''': Hmm. You know, Lord Miguel, if you wish to stay, you only need to say so. :'''Miguel''': You mean, forever? :'''Chief''': Of course. :'''Miguel''': ''[looks at a cave]'' Oh, no, I can't. I have to go back with Tulio. We're... We're partners. :'''Chief''': Big plans in the other world, huh? :'''Miguel''': Yep. Big plans. :'''Chief''': Well, then, I better go get some more rope, huh? :'''Miguel''': Oh, Chief, um, forget about the rope. Um, my mistake. :'''Chief''': Hey, to err is human. :''[Miguel looks at Chief, stepping in a boat, walking up the building]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tulio''': ''[off-screen]'' Half? :'''Chel''': Mm-hmm. :'''Tulio''': ''[laughing]'' I don't think so. I... I'll tell you what. Uh, I'll let you come back to Spain with us, like you wanted, and, um, yeah, I can see my way clear to throwing you, mmm, ten percent? :'''Chel''': ''[chuckling]'' You know, maybe I won't go to Spain with you and take a third. ''[grabs a plate]'' :'''Tulio''': Ohh! Like you don't wanna go to Spain. :'''Chel''': Oh, like you don't want me to want to go to Spain. :'''Tulio''': I want you to want... :'''Chel''': Mm-hmm? :'''Tulio''': ...what you want. :'''Chel''': Mm-hmm. Go on. :'''Tulio''': All right. Cards on the table. Uh, I want you to come to Spain with me and Miguel. Mostly me. Especially me. Only me. Forget Miguel. :'''Chel''': Well, as long as that's what you want. Me too. :'''Tulio''': Okay. Deal? :'''Chel''': ''[drops the plate]'' Deal. ''[kisses Tulio]'' :''[Altivo walks to Miguel, gasping]'' :'''Miguel''': "Forget Miguel"? ''[sniffling]'' Well, forget Tulio. ''[walks down by Altivo]'' :''[Altivo walks down by Miguel]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[cut back to Tzekel-Kan and Acolyte, humming, then Acolyte stirs it in a pot]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Well, is it ready yet? :''[Acolyte scoops the bowl, blowing it, then taking the umbrella, putting it in, then Tzekel-Kan takes the bowl, sniffing]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': ''[throws the bowl away]'' It seems to be missing something. ''[opens a book]'' Ah, that's it. It needs more body. ''[kicks Acolyte into the water, flying backwards to a stone, laughing, transforming into a jaguar, taking the claws out, then the jaguar lands on the ground, breaking the stone]'' Do as I command! <hr width="50%"/> :''[cut to the kids]'' :'''Kid #1''': The Gods deserve a proper tribute. :'''Kid #2''': Stop! There will be no sacrifices! ''[audience laughs]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[chuckling, holding a bowl with a lemon]'' That kid does you better than you do. ''[sighs]'' Some send-off, huh? We're finally at the "go back to Spain and live like kings" part. ''[the children laugh, then Chel puts the kids down]'' Ooh-hoo-hoo. ''[drinking the bowl]'' :'''Miguel''': Well, isn't king kind of a step down from God? :'''Tulio''': ''[stops drinking and spits]'' What? Wh-Whoa, whoa, whoa, Miguel. ''[chuckles]'' we can't stay here. We have a plan, remember? :'''Miguel''': ''[sarcastically smiling]'' How about... we ''forget'' the plan? ''Hmm?'' ''[Tulio is about to say "What?" but is interrupted as the animated jaguar statue roars and breaks out of the temple. After two seconds, Tulio and Miguel both screams in scared like girls]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': ''[laughs evilly as the crowd screams in horror]'' Now everyone will know the truth of your..."divinity"! :''[the jaguar lands on the ground, with the people running away, screaming, then the men throw spears at the jaguar, then grabbing a man, flying up, dropping the man]'' :'''Man''': I'm okay! ''[the foot squishes the man then he roaring]'' I'm still okay! :'''Chel''': Come on! Get on! ''[they all get on Altivo, then the jaguar charges at Altivo, Tulio, Miguel, and Chel, then they screams]'' :'''Tulio''': Altivo, hyah! ''[the jaguar continues charging at Altivo, Tulio, Miguel, and Chel, breaking the wall, then they try to climb up, falling down on the jaguar, breaking the glass eye with a Altivo's hoof, then the jaguar knocks Tulio, Miguel, Chel, and Altivo]'' :'''Chel''': '''''TULIO!''''' :'''Tulio''': Hey, over here, you big Tzekel-Kan cat creep! ''[they throw rocks at the jaguar]'' Altivo, get Chel out of here. ''[Altivo carries Chel, roaring at Tulio and Miguel, then they jump down, then the jaguar lands on the ground, then they continue running away]'' Duck! ''[Tzekel-Kan roars, breaking the stones, then they run down, the the rocks form the fire in the lava, touching the rock]'' :'''Miguel''': Whoa! :''[they both gasp and yell, then the jaguar sinks in a lava]'' :'''Tulio''': Move! Move! :''[they both walk on the jaguar]'' :'''Tulio''': Jump! :''[they both lay down, then the jaguar appears, then they both yell, running away to Xibalba, then they both walk to the cliff, trying not to fall in the whirlpool]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': I know what you are. And I know what you are ''not.'' And you are ''not '''GODS!''''' :'''Tulio''': ''[to Miguel, after an awkward silence]'' Y-- You're not a God?! You ''lied'' to me? ''[he clears his throat, urging Miguel to play along, only to have Miguel glare back at him; gasps in surprise, then flings him towards Tzekel-Kan, still keeping up the act]'' How dare you?! :'''Miguel''': ''[reluctantly playing along]'' Hey, it was ''his'' stupid plan! :'''Tzekel-Kan''': ''[confused]'' What? :'''Tulio''': Whoa, whoa, oh. ''My'' plan was that we should lie ''low!'' But ''your'' plan was to run off and be all "Oh, look at me, look at me, I'm a ''God!"'' :'''Miguel''': [[Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie|That's not true!]] :'''Tulio''': No?! Who are you kidding?! You're buying your own con! :'''Miguel''': At least I'm not ''dating'' mine! :'''Tulio''': I-- Ooh, low blow. Listen, Mr. High-and-Mighty, we'd both be sailing out of here with a mountain of gold if you had ''[smacks him in the back of the head]'' just listened to me! ''[Tzekel-Kan smirks in amusement]'' :'''Miguel''': Well, now you've got all the precious gold ''and'' Chel, so what do you need ''[smacks Tulio back]'' ''me'' for?! :'''Tulio''': Well, maybe I ''don't'' need you anymore! :'''Miguel''': Well, then why don't you just go back to Spain, and I'll stay here, and we'll ''[shoves him]'' both get what we want?! :'''Tulio''': That's ''[shoves him back]'' fine with me, pal! :'''Miguel''': ''[smacks him]'' Fine with me too! :'''Tzekel-Kan''': ''[still amused]'' Ooh. :'''Tulio''': ''[smacks Miguel back]'' Fine! :'''Tzekel-Kan''': Ouch! :'''Miguel''': ''[hits Tulio]'' Okay! ''[Tzekel-Kan laughs in amusement]'' :'''Miguel and Tulio''': '''''ALL RIGHT!''''' ''[both punch Tzekel-Kan, knocking him down]'' :'''Tulio''': Tie him up! ''[he and Miguel try to tie Tzekel-Kan, but suddenly, Tzekel-Kan roars at them.]'' What? Whoa. ''[The jaguar statue comes back alive, ready to eat Tulio and Miguel, they yell]'' '''''JUMP!''''' ''[They both jump down hanging on to their vines. The jaguar jumps right in front of Tzekel-Kan. Then the cliff starts to break away. Miguel and Tulio scream, and barely move away from the breaking cliff. Then, breaking completely, the cliff sends Tzekel-Kan and the jaguar into the whirlpool]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': '''''NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!''''' ''[Tzekel-Kan and the stone jaguar fall into the whirlpool. Tzekel-Kan swims around the whirlpool and goes straight towards the jungle. Moments later, Tzekel-Kan gets out of the water, then hears a sword clanging while Cortes and the guards appear]'' My lord. ''[Tzekel-Kan crawls on the water, then Cortes' gun touches the earring]'' :'''Cortes''': Where did you get this? ''[Cortes let us go of the earring as Tzekel-Kan smiles at Cortes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[cut back to Tulio and Miguel]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[chuckling]'' That was good, huh? :''[Miguel climbs up to the top, then the men cheer]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[climbs up]'' Hey, a little help, please? :'''Miguel''': Chief Tanni! Chief Tanni! I've decided to stay. :'''Chief''': Oh, this is wonderful news. What a glorious day for El Dorado. Lord Miguel has decided to live among us! :'''Chel''': Tulio! Is everything okay? :''[they look at Miguel]'' :'''Tulio''': Everything is fine. <hr width="50%"/> :''[cut to El Dorado, then the music begins "Friends Never Say Goodbye" by Elton John playing, looking around, walking by Miguel, putting gold in the bag, looking at the map, ripping it, then Miguel looks at a name, saying, "Tulio", knocking the statue, then tying the bag, hitting Miguel, carrying a bag, the Miguel puts a hat on, wrapping a blanket around him, then Miguel continues walking away, then Miguel walks by Tulio, then Tulio walks down, then Miguel walks down, then walking to Chief, then they laugh, then Chief hugs Tulio, then Chief shakes his hand, then Tulio walks away, then Miguel looks at Chel, then Chel kisses Miguel, then Tulio claps his hands]'' :'''Man''': Take care. :'''Child''': We'll miss you! :'''Tulio''': Thank you. :''[Altivo nickers at Tulio, licking his fingers, then shaking it off, licking Tulio, then Chel pushes Tulio, then Chief and Miguel walk up, then Tulio dries his hair, then Chel walks away by Tulio, then Chel walks to a boat, then Miguel walks to Tulio]'' :'''Miguel''': Well, good luck. :'''Tulio''': Yeah. You too. ''[walks to Chel, then they climb up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Miguel walks away by Altivo, then Altivo looks at Miguel walking away]'' :'''Miguel''': Whoa. Whoa, boy, what is it? ''[Altivo nickers, then they hear explosions, looking at Miguel along with Chel and Tulio]'' :'''Miguel''': '''''Cortes.''''' :''[the man rushes to the Chief who panics]'' :'''Chief''': My lord, what is it? :'''Man''': ''[panicked]'' Chief Tanni! Chief Tanni! Approaching the city, is an army of strangers. :'''Chief''': We are safe here. They'll ''never'' find the gate to the city. :'''Man''': But, sire, they are being led by '''''Tzekel-Kan.''''' :'''Chief''': ''[shocked to Tzekel-Kan who is survived]'' '''''HE SURVIVED!''''' Warriors, prepare yourselves for battle! :''[the guards all shout and as the crowd starts in panic]'' :'''Miguel''': Chief, you ''cannot'' fight them! :'''Chief''': Then ''how'' can we stop them? :'''Miguel''': We can't. :'''Tulio''': ''[looks in the cave]'' Uh, one moment, please. ''[moves the gold away]'' :''[Bibo drinks]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[takes the necklace out]'' Okay, here's the gate. Here's the boat. :'''Chel''': Uh-huh. And? :'''Tulio''': Here's the gate. :'''Chel''': Okay. :'''Tulio''': Here's the boat. :'''Chel''': Got that. And? :'''Tulio''': Well, here's the "goat," and here's the "bate." :'''Chel''': Tulio! :''[Tulio his Bibo, who stops drinking his cup, spilling water out, knocking the necklace]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[gasping]'' That's it. We'll crash the boat into the pillars. :'''Chel''': That's it? I mean... But... ''[scoffs]'' What about the gold? :'''Tulio''': Well... ''[sobbing, in a whinny voice]'' Chief! ''[clears throat, in a normal voice]'' Chief. I've got a plan. :''[the men throw rope to the villagers]'' :'''Chief''': Hold the line steady! They're almost in place! :''[cut to Crotes and the guards, and Tzekel-Kan]'' :'''Cortes''': It better be there, for your sake. :''[Tulio rows a boat, then Chel shakes her head, looking at Miguel]'' :'''Tulio''': Okay, chief, on my signal! Ready! '''''HIT THE PILLARS!''''' :'''Chief''': '''NOW!''' :''[the man uses a log to push and break the whole rocks, then Tulio looks at the whole rocks breaking]'' :'''Tulio''': They're breaking too fast! :'''Chel''': Tulio, the sail! :'''Tulio''': ''[tires to pull the rope down]'' It's stuck! :''[the men try to pull a statue, breaking the ropes, then they both shout, then Chief gasps, grabbing the ropes]'' :'''Miguel''': They're not gonna make it. Altivo! ''[jumps on Altivo, running to the boat]'' :'''Tulio''': Are you crazy? :''[Miguel and Altivo jump on the boat in slow motion, then they continue pulling, then flying in slow motion, grabbing the sail]'' :'''Tulio''': Get off the boat, Miguel, or you'll never see the city again. :'''Miguel''': I know. ''[takes the hat off]'' You don't think I'm gonna let you have all the fun, do you? Come on. We've got a wave to catch. ''[grabs a paddle to Tulio, pointing to Chief]'' :''[they all release the statue, then Miguel yells, then Chel whimpers, then grabbing a lever]'' :'''Tulio''': Get out of the way! :'''Miguel''': Huh? :'''Chel''': Huh? :''[they duck, then Bibo runs on the gold]'' :'''Miguel''': Hold on! :''[they all go in the cave, breaking the sail, then knocking the gold on the walls]'' :'''Tulio''': We're gonna have to hit it '''''BROADSIDE!''''' :'''Miguel''': '''THAT'S YOUR PLAN?''' But the gold! :'''Tulio''': I know! :''[Chel gasps]'' :'''Tulio''': '''JUST TURN THE BOAT!''' :''[they all turn the boat]'' :'''Tulio''': On impact, '''''EVERYBODY JUMP!''''' :''[the boat stops on a wall, then they all jump out of the boat, then they splash in the water, with rocks falling in the water, with waterfall spitting out, then they all cough]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[panting]'' We made it. It worked. ''[chuckling]'' It worked. :'''Chel''': Wait. Get down! ''[grabs Tulio]'' There they are. ''[they all look at Cortes and Tzekel-Kan]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': ''[gasping, looking at the rocks]'' No. :'''Cortes''': ''[walks to Tzekel-Kan]'' You lying heathen. There's nothing here at all. :'''Tzekel-Kan''': No. Wait. Wait. :'''Cortes''': ''[pushes Tzekel-Kan]'' Men, seize him! :'''Tzekel-Kan''': '''WHAT?''' ''[the men grab Tzekel-Kan]'' :'''Cortes''': There is no El Dorado here. Onward, men. ''[the guards continues takes Tzekel-Kan away, gasps, then Chel waves]'' :'''Tzekel-Kan''': ''[to guards]'' Wait! No, wait! ''[echoes]'' WAIT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[they all look at the guards taking Tzekel-Kan away, then Altivo blows, then they all laugh]'' :'''Chel''': Yes! :'''Miguel''': Now that was an adventure. :'''Tulio''': Yes. Yes, it was. And, um... ''[sobbing]'' ...it was so much gold! :''[Altivo looks at the gold on the hooves]'' :'''Tulio''': I'm fine. :'''Chel''': ''[to Tulio]'' Good. ''[kisses Tulio]'' Let's go. :''[Tulio sighs, then Miguel gets up]'' :'''Miguel''': ''[puts his hand out]'' Partner. ''[grabs Tulio's hand]'' :'''Tulio''': Partner. <hr width="50%"/> :''[last lines]'' :'''Chel''': Hey, guys. Come on! You don't want to stay here forever, do you? :'''Miguel''': But, uh, we don't have a map. :'''Tulio''': We don't have a ''plan.'' :'''Chel''': Well, that's what makes it interesting. ''[Altivo nods in agreement]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[getting the idea]'' You're right! :'''Miguel''': What are we waiting for? ''[Miguel and Tulio go on Altivo]'' :'''Chel''': Let's follow that trail! Hyah! ''[Miguel and Tulio fall off Altivo]'' Come on, boys! :'''Tulio''': ''[he and Miguel chase Chel and Altivo]'' Hey! Altivo! ''[Miguel pushes him]'' Augh! :'''Miguel''': Sit, boy! Sit! ''[the screen puts up "The End"]'' :'''Tulio''': ''[gets back up.]'' '''''Chel, we're not on the horse!''''' ''[they both run to get Altivo as Chel laughs; as the end credits begin, the armadillo chases some butterflies and grabs and eats one, ending the movie and continues the end credits]'' == About ''The Road to El Dorado'' == * The problem, obviously, was that the milieu that Jeffrey had chosen - no less than the near-annihilation of the Mezo-American peoples and the destruction of their culture - didn't really lend itself to a flat-out comedy, we thought. There had to be enough depth in these characters to allow us to do a story which would allow for some real drama - tragedy, even. : And the original story acknowledged the fundamental tragedy of the milieu - the city of El Dorado (which wasn't even the mythical El Dorado, it was just the first city Tulio and Miguel found, which they mistakenly believed was El Dorado) was not saved. The people ended up abandoning it to Cortes, and vanishing into the jungles - the people survived (barely), but the culture did not. This was also accurate to history - Cortes encountered a number of abandoned cities on his way to the capital of the Aztec empire, and was our answer to the question 'What happened to the Mayans'. :* Ted Elliot as quoted in [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.206950-The-Road-to-El-Dorado-Movie-Review "The Road to El Dorado (Movie Review)"] by Rebel Rising, ''The Escapist'', July 3, 2010. == Cast == * [[Kevin Kline]]—Tulio * [[w:Kenneth Branagh|Kenneth Branagh]]—Miguel * [[w:Rosie Perez|Rosie Perez]]—Chel * [[w:Armand Assante|Armand Assante]] - Tzekel-Kan * [[w:Edward James Olmos|Edward James Olmos]] - Chief Tannabok * [[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]] - Hernan Cortes * [[Frank Welker]] - Altivo * [[w:Tobin Bell|Tobin Bell]] - Zaragoza * Duncan Marjoribanks - Acolyte * Elijah Chiang - Kid #1 * Cyrus Shaki-Khan - Kid #2 * [[Elton John]] - Narrator * [[Bob Bergen]] - Jaguar == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0138749|title=The Road to El Dorado}} {{Authority control}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Road to El Dorado, The}} [[Category:2000 films]] [[Category:2005 films]] [[Category:2000 animated films]] [[Category:2000 American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's animated musical films]] [[Category:Animated buddy films|Road to El Dorado, The]] [[Category:Films set in Mexico|Road to El Dorado, The]] [[Category:Films set in the 1510s]] [[Category:Films about treasure hunting]] [[Category:Cult films]] [[Category:DreamWorks Animation]] [[Category:2000s English-language films]] 33y328yhvg0ygy2e8hdsf646mab0gyk 0 68575 3949393 3930209 2026-06-06T02:37:17Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949393 wikitext text/x-wiki The following is a complete list of Manga/Anime Shows with quotes on Wikiquote. *[[.hack//Roots]] *[[.hack//Sign]] *[[10 Tokyo Warriors]] *[[Ace Attorney]] *[[Afro Samurai]] *[[Air Gear]] *[[Air (visual novel)|Air TV]] *[[Akira]] *[[Angel Beats!]] *[[The Animatrix]] *[[Armitage III]] *[[Azumanga Daioh]] *[[Baccano!]] *[[Baki the Grappler]] *[[Battle Angel Alita]] *[[Berserk (anime)|Berserk]] *[[The Big O]] *[[Black Butler]] *[[Bleach (manga)|Bleach]] *[[Buso Renkin]] *[[Cardcaptor Sakura]] *[[Casshern Sins]] *[[The Cat Returns]] *[[Chrono Crusade]] *[[Clannad]] *[[Claymore]] *[[Code Geass]] *[[Cowboy Bebop]] *[[Crayon Shin-chan]] *[[Darker Than Black]] *[[Death Note]] *[[Detective Conan]] *[[Devil May Cry: The Animated Series]] *[[Digimon]] *[[D.N.Angel]] *[[Dragon Ball]] *[[Dragon Ball Z]] *[[Durarara!!]] *[[Elfen Lied]] *[[Ergo Proxy]] *[[Eureka Seven]] *[[Excel Saga]] *[[Fate Stay Night]] *[[Final Fantasy Unlimited]] *[[FLCL]] *[[Fruits Basket]] *[[Fullmetal Alchemist]] *[[Full Metal Panic!]] *[[Ghost in the Shell]] *[[Gilgamesh (anime)|Gilgamesh]] *[[Girls und Panzer]] *[[Great Teacher Onizuka]] *[[Gundam]] *[[Gundam Seed]] *[[Gunslinger Girl]] *[[Gurren Lagann]] *[[Hell Girl]] *[[Hellsing]] *[[Hellsing Ultimate]] *[[Hikaru no Go]] *[[Honey and Clover]] *[[Howl's Moving Castle]] *[[Inuyasha]] *[[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure]] *[[Kanon]] *[[Karin (manga)|Karin]] *[[Kiddy Girl-and]] *[[Kenichi: The Mightiest Disciple]] *[[Kino's Journey]] *[[Kodomo no Jikan]] *[[Kodomo no Omocha]] *[[Little Busters!]] *[[Love Hina]] *[[Madlax]] *[[Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha]] *[[Magical Project S]] *[[Maison Ikkoku]] *[[My Hero Academia]] *[[Martian Successor Nadesico]] *[[Megatokyo]] *[[The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya|Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, The]] *[[Mobile Suit Gundam]] *[[Moetan]] *[[Monster]] *[[Moonlight Mile]] *[[MÄR: Marchen Awakens Romance]] *[[Nadia: The Secret of Blue Water]] *[[Nana (manga)|Nana]] *[[Naruto]] *[[Naruto: Shippūden]] *[[Nerima Daikon Brothers]] *[[Ninja Scroll]] *[[Neon Genesis Evangelion]] *[[Noir]] *[[Oh My Goddess!]] *[[One Piece]] *[[Outlaw Star]] *[[Pandora Hearts]] *[[Pani Poni Dash!]] *[[Paranoia Agent]] *[[Peacemaker]] *[[Pita-Ten]] *[[Pokémon]] *[[RahXephon]] *[[Ranma 1/2]] *[[Reborn!]] *[[Revolutionary Girl Utena]] *[[Rozen Maiden]] *[[Rurouni Kenshin]] *[[S-CRY-ed]] *[[Sailor Moon]] *[[Saikano]] *[[Samurai Champloo]] *[[Serial Experiments Lain]] *[[Shakugan No Shana]] *[[Shaman King]] *[[Shuffle!]] *[[Soul Eater]] *[[Sora No Otoshimono]] *[[Spiral]] *[[The Story of Saiunkoku]] *[[Strain: Strategic Armored Infantry]] *[[Sugar Sugar Rune]] *[[Texhnolyze]] *[[Tokyo Mew Mew]] *[[Toradora!]] *[[The Tower of Druaga (anime)|The Tower of Druaga]] *[[Trigun]] *[[Trinity Seven]] *[[Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle]] *[[Urusei Yatsura]] *[[Vampire Knight]] *[[Wolfs Rain]] *[[×××HOLiC]] *[[YuYu Hakusho]] *[[.hack//Legend of The twilight]] *[[009-1]] *[[6 Angels]] *[[Absolute Boy]] *[[A.D. Police: To Protect and Serve]] *[[Ah My Buddha]] *[[Ai Yori Aoshi]] *[[AIKa R-16: Virgin Mission]] *[[The Adventures of Peter Pan]] *[[The Adventures of Tweeny Witches]] *[[Aim for the Ace!]] *[[Air Master]] *[[Aishiteruze Baby]] *[[Akane-Iro Ni Somaru Saka]] *[[Akane Maniax]] *[[Akiba-chan (anime)|Akiba-chan]] *[[Allison & Lillia]] *[[Amatsuki]] *[[AM Driver]] *[[Android Kikaider (anime)|Android Kikaider]] *[[Angel Blade]] *[[Angel Cop]] *[[Angel's Feather]] *[[Angel Heart (manga)|Angel Heart]] *[[Angelic Layer]] *[[Angels in the Court]] *[[Angel Links]] *[[Angel Sanctuary]] *[[Angel Tales]] *[[Ani*Kuri15]] *[[Ano Ko ni 1000%]] *[[Antique Bakery]] *[[Aquarian Age: Sign for Evolution]] *[[Arc the Lad]] *[[Argento Soma]] *[[Area 88]] *[[Aria]] *[[Armored Trooper Votoms]] *[[Ashita no Nadja]] *[[Ask Dr. Rin!]] *[[Assemble Insert]] *[[Attack on Titan]] *[[Ayakashi: Samurai Horror Tales]] *[[Ayakashi]] *[[Baby Felix]] *[[Bakemonogatari]] *[[Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto]] *[[Bamboo Blade]] *[[BALDR FORCE EXE Resolution]] *[[Ballad of a Shinigami]] *[[Banner of the Stars]] *[[Basilisk (manga)|Basilisk]] *[[Bastard!!]] *[[Battle B-Daman]] *[[Battle Programmer Shirase]] *[[BECK: MCS|BECK: Mongolian Chop Squad]] *[[Beet the Vandel Buster]] *[[Best Student Council]] *[[Betterman (anime)|Betterman]] *[[Beyblade]] *[[Bible Black]] *[[Binbō Shimai Monogatari]] *[[Binchō-tan]] *[[Birdy the Mighty]] *[[Black Blood Brothers]] *[[Black Clover]] *[[Black Jack]] *[[Black Heaven]] *[[Black Lagoon]] *[[Blade of the Immortal]] *[[Blassreiter]] *[[Blood +]] *[[Blue Dragon]] *[[Blue Drop]] *[[Blue Gender]] *[[Brigadoon: Marin & Melan]] *[[Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan]] *[[Boogiepop Phantom]] *[[Bottle Fairy]] *[[Boys Be...]] *[[Bubblegum Crisis Tokyo 2040]] *[[Burn-Up Scramble]] *[[Burst Angel]] *[[Campus (anime)|Campus]] *[[Canaan]] *[[The Candidate for Goddess]] *[[Candy Boy]] *[[Canvas 2: Niji Iro no Sketch]] *[[Carried by the Wind: Tsukikage Ran]] *[[Ceres, Celestial Legend]] *[[ChaoS;hEAD]] *[[Chance! Pop Season]] *[[Cheeky Angel]] *[[Le Chevalier D'Eon]] *[[Chobits]] *[[Chocotto Sister]] *[[Cho Hatsumei Boy Kanipan]] *[[Cinderella Boy]] *[[Clannad After Story]] *[[Clannad]] *[[Clover (manga)|Clover]] *[[Code E]] *[[Colorful]] *[[The Cosmopolitan Prayers]] *[[Cosplay Complex]] *[[Comic Party]] *[[Corpse Princess]] *[[Coyote Ragtime Show]] *[[D4 Princess]] *[[Da Capo]] *[[Da Capo II]] *[[Damekko Dōbutsu]] *[[Danganronpa: The Animation]] *[[Dance at the Vampire Bund]] *[[Daphne in the Brilliant Blue]] *[[Dazzle (manga)|Dazzle]] *[[DearS]] *[[Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba]] *[[Demonbane]] *[[Descendants Of Darkness]] *[[Desert Punk]] *[[Detective School Q]] *[[Detroit Metal City]] *[[Diebuster]] *[[Di Gi Charat]] *[[Dinozaurs]] *[[Disgaea]] *[[Djibril – The Devil Angel]] *[[Dogtato]] *[[Dōjin Work]] *[[Doki Doki School Hours]] *[[Dokkoida?!]] *[[Dotto! Koni-chan]] *[[Dual! Parallel Trouble Adventure]] *[[E's]] *[[E's Otherwise]] *[[Eden's Bowy]] *[[ef: a tale of memories]] *[[El Cazador de la Bruja]] *[[Elemental Gelade]] *[[El-Hazard]] *[[Elf-ban Kakyūsei]] *[[ÉX-Driver]] *[[Eyeshield 21]] *[[Fafner in the Azure]] *[[The Familiar of Zero]] *[[The Family's Defensive Alliance]] *[[Fantastic Children]] *[[Fantastic Detective Labyrinth]] *[[Fighting Beauty Wulong]] *[[Fighting Spirit (manga)|Fighting Spirit]] *[[Figure 17]] *[[Final Approach]] *[[Firestorm (anime)|Firestorm]] *[[Flame Of Recca]] *[[Freedom Project]] *[[Full Moon o Sagashite]] *[[Fushigiboshi no Futagohime]] *[[Fushigi Yûgi]] *[[Futakoi Alternative]] *[[Futari Ecchi]] *[[G.I. Joe: Sigma 6]] *[[Gad Guard]] *[[Gag Manga Biyori]] *[[Gakuen Alice]] *[[Gakuen Heaven]] *[[Gakuen Utopia Manabi Straight!]] *[[Gals!]] *[[Galaxy Angel]] *[[The Galaxy Railways]] *[[Gankutsuou: The Count of Monte Cristo]] *[[Gantz]] *[[Ga-rei]] *[[Gasaraki]] *[[Gate Keepers]] *[[Gear Fighter Dendoh]] *[[Generator Gawl]] *[[Geneshaft]] *[[Genesis of Aquarion]] *[[Genma Taisen]] *[[Genshiken]] *[[Geobreeders]] *[[GetBackers]] *[[Ghost Hunt]] *[[Ghost Slayers Ayashi]] *[[Ghost Stories]] *[[Ghost Talker's Daydream]] *[[Geisters]] *[[Gift: Eternal Rainbow]] *[[Ginban Kaleidoscope]] *[[Gin'iro no Olynssis]] *[[Girl Next Door]] *[[Girls Bravo]] *[[Glass Maiden]] *[[Glass Mask]] *[[Gokudo]] *[[Godannar]] *[[Golgo 13]] *[[Goshūshō-sama Ninomiya-kun]] *[[G-On Riders]] *[[Golden Boy]] *[[GR: Giant Robo]] *[[Gravion]] *[[Gravitation (manga)|Gravitation]] *[[Great Dangaioh]] *[[Green Green]] *[[Gregory Horror Show]] *[[Grenadier]] *[[Ground Defense Force! Mao-chan]] *[[Guardian Hearts]] *[[Gundam Series]] *[[Gun Frontier]] *[[Gunparade March]] *[[Gungrave]] *[[Gun X Sword]] *[[H2O: Footprints in the Sand]] *[[Haibane Renmei]] *[[Hakushaku to Yōsei]] *[[Hanaukyo Maid Team]] *[[Hanbun no Tsuki ga Noboru Sora]] *[[Hand Maid May]] *[[Hanoka]] *[[Happy Happy Clover]] *[[Happiness!]] *[[Happy Lesson]] *[[Happy Seven]] *[[Happy World!]] *[[Haré+Guu]] *[[Harukoi Otome]] *[[Hayate the Combat Butler]] *[[He is My Master]] *[[Hidamari no Ki]] *[[Hidamari Sketch]] *[[High School DxD]] *[[High School Girls]] *[[Hikarian]] *[[Himawari!!]] *[[Hime-sama Goyōjin]] *[[Himitsu – Top Secret]] *[[His and Her Circumstances]] *[[Hitohira]] *[[Hit o Nerae!]] *[[Hiwou War Chronicles]] *[[Hoshin Engi]] *[[Hunter × Hunter]] *[[Hyakko]] *[[Ichigeki Sacchu!! HoiHoi-san]] *[[Idaten Jump]] *[[Idolmaster: Xenoglossia]] *[[Infinite Ryvius]] *[[Innocent Venus]] *[[Inukami!]] *[[Iketeru Futari]] *[[Ikki Tousen]] *[[I Love Bubu Chacha]] *[[I'm Gonna Be An Angel!]] *[[Immortal Grand Prix]] *[[Immoral Sisters]] *[[Imōto Jiru]] *[[I My Me Strawberry Eggs]] *[[Initial D]] *[[Interlude (visual novel)|Interlude]] *[[Iriya no Sora, UFO no Natsu]] *[[I"s]] *[[Itazura na Kiss]] *[[Itsudatte My Santa!]] *[[Jibaku-kun]] *[[Jing: King Of Bandits]] *[[Jinki: Extended]] *[[Jubei-chan: The Ninja Girl]] *[[Junjo Romantica: Pure Romance]] *[[Jyu-Oh-Sei]] *[[Kill la Kill]] *[[Kage Kara Mamoru!]] *[[Kagihime Monogatari Eikyū Alice Rondo]] *[[Kaiba]] *[[Kaiketsu Zorori]] *[[Kaitō Tenshi Twin Angel]] *[[Kakurenbo]] *[[Kaleido Star]] *[[Kamen no Maid Guy]] *[[Kamichama Karin]] *[[Kamichu!]] *[[Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne]] *[[Kamisama Kazoku]] *[[Kämpfer]] *[[Kannagi: Crazy Shrine Maidens]] *[[Kanokon]] *[[Kappa no Kaikata]] *[[Kara no Kyōkai]] *[[Kashimashi: Girl Meets Girl]] *[[Kaze no Yojimbo]] *[[Kaze no Stimga]] *[[Kemeko Deluxe!]] *[[Kemonozume]] *[[Kiddy Grade]] *[[Kikaider]] *[[The King of Braves GaoGaiGar]] *[[Kimi ga Aruji de Shitsuji ga Ore de]] *[[Kimi ga Nozomu Eien]] *[[KimiKiss]] *[[Kishin Taisen Gigantic Formula]] *[[Kissxsis]] *[[Kirara (manga)|Kirara]] *[[Kita e]] *[[Koihime Musō]] *[[Koi Kaze]] *[[Koi Koi Seven]] *[[Koi suru Tenshi Angelique]] *[[Kokoro Library]] *[[Kono Aozora ni Yakusoku o]] *[[Kōtetsu Sangokushi]] *[[Kotetsushin Jeeg]] *[[Kujibiki Unbalance]] *[[Kurau Phantom Memory]] *[[Kure-nai]] *[[Kurozuka]] *[[Kyo Kara Maoh!]] *[[Kyō no Go no Ni]] *[[Kyōran Kazoku Nikki]] *[[L/R: Licensed by Royalty]] *[[La Blue Girl]] *[[La Corda d'Oro]] *[[Lamune (visual novel)|Lamune]] *[[Last Exile]] *[[The Law of Ueki]] *[[Little Witch Academia]] *[[Living for the Day After Tomorrow]] *[[Legendary Gambler Tetsuya]] *[[Legends of the Dark King]] *[[Le Portrait de Petit Cossette]] *[[Locke the Superman]] *[[Lost Universe]] *[[Love Get Chu]] *[[Loveless (manga)|Loveless]] *[[Lovely Complex]] *[[Love Love?]] *[[Lovely Idol]] *[[Lucky Star]] *[[Maburaho]] *[[Machine Robo Rescue]] *[[Maetel Legend]] *[[Magician's Academy]] *[[Magical Canan]] *[[Magical DoReMi]] *[[Magical Meow Meow Taruto]] *[[Magical Play]] *[[Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi]] *[[Magic User's Club]] *[[Magikano]] *[[Mahōjin Guru Guru]] *[[Mahoraba]] *[[Mahoromatic]] *[[Makai Senki Disgaea]] *[[Mamoru-kun ni Megami no Shukufuku wo!]] *[[Mamotte! Lollipop]] *[[Mamotte Shugogetten]] *[[Maple Colors]] *[[MapleStory]] *[[Marginal Prince]] *[[Maria-sama ga Miteru]] *[[The Marshmallow Times]] *[[Master of Martial Hearts]] *[[Meine Liebe]] *[[Melody of Oblivion]] *[[Mermaid Melody Pichi Pichi Pitch]] *[[Mezzo DSA]] *[[Miami Guns]] *[[Michiko to Hatchin]] *[[Midori no Hibi]] *[[Millennium Actress]] *[[Minami-ke]] *[[Mirage of Blaze]] *[[Les Misérables: Shōjo Cosette]] *[[Mnemosyne (anime)|Mnemosyne]] *[[Moekan]] *[[Moeyo Ken (anime)|Moeyon Ken]] *[[Mokke]] *[[Monochrome Factor]] *[[Monster Rancher]] *[[Moonlight Lady]] *[[Mōryō no Hako]] *[[Mouse (manga)|Mouse]] *[[Moyasimon: Tales of Agriculture]] *[[Munto]] *[[Murder Princess]] *[[Musashi Gundoh]] *[[Mushishi]] *[[Mushi-Uta]] *[[Muteki Kanban Musume]] *[[Myself ; Yourself]] *[[The Mythical Detective Loki Ragnarok]] *[[Nabari no Ou]] *[[Nagasarete Airantou]] *[[Najica Blitz Tactics]] *[[Nanaka 6/17]] *[[Nanami-chan]] *[[Nanatsuiro Drops]] *[[Negima!]] *[[Neo Angelique Abyss]] *[[New Fist of the North Star]] *[[NieA_7]] *[[Night Head Genesis]] *[[Night Shift Nurses]] *[[Night Wizard!]] *[[Nijū Mensō no Musume]] *[[Ninja Nonsense]] *[[Ninja Scroll: The Series]] *[[Nodame Cantabile]] *[[Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu]] *[[Nurse Witch Komugi]] *[[Oh! Edo Rocket]] *[[Oku-sama wa Mahō Shōjo: Bewitched Agnes]] *[[Omishi Magical Theater: Risky Safety]] *[[Onegai My Melody]] *[[One Outs]] *[[One-Punch Man]] *[[Onmyō Taisenki]] *[[Otome wa Boku ni Koishiteru]] *[[Our Home's Fox Deity.]] *[[Ouran High School Host Club]] *[[Over Drive (manga)|Over Drive]] *[[Overman King Gainer]] *[[Paradise Kiss]] *[[Patlabor]] *[[Peach Girl]] *[[Penguin Musume]] *[[Persona: Trinity Soul]] *[[Perverted Thomas]] *[[Petite Princess Yucie]] *[[Petopeto-san]] *[[Pet Shop of Horrors]] *[[Phoenix (manga)|Phoenix]] *[[Piano: The Melody of a Young Girl's Heart]] *[[Planetes]] *[[Platinumhugen Ordian]] *[[Play Ball]] *[[Please! Teacher]] *[[Please! Twins]] *[[Popolocrois]] *[[Popotan]] *[[Potemayo]] *[[Prétear]] *[[Pretty Cure]] series ** [[Glitter Force|Smile Precure/Glitter Force]] *[[Pugyuru]] *[[The Prince of Tennis]] *[[Princess Nine]] *[[Princess Princess (manga)|Princess Princess]] *[[Princess Resurrection]] *[[Princess Tutu]] *[[Project Blue Earth SOS]] *[[Pumpkin Scissors]] *[[Pururun! Shizuku-chan]] *[[Raimuiro Senkitan]] *[[Ragnarok the Animation]] *[[Rakugo Tennyo Oyui]] *[[Ray the Animation]] *[[Real Drive]] *[[Red Garden]] *[[Renkin 3-kyū Magical? Pokān]] *[[Rental Magica]] *[[Requiem from the Darkness]] *[[Ring ni Kakero]] *[[Rizelmine]] *[[R.O.D the TV]] *[[Rocket Girls]] *[[Romeo x Juliet]] *[[Rosario + Vampire]] *[[Rumic Theater]] *[[Run-Dim]] *[[Rune Soldier]] *[[S · A: Special A]] *[[Saber Marionette]] *[[The Sacred Blacksmith]] *[[Saint Beast]] *[[Saint October]] *[[Saint Seiya]] *[[Saiyuki]] *[[Sakura Wars]] *[[Samurai 7]] *[[Samurai Gun]] *[[Samurai Girl: Real Bout High School]] *[[Sands of Destruction]] *[[Sasami: Magical Girls Club]] *[[Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei]] *[[School Days]] *[[School Rumble]] *[[Sekirei]] *[[Seikai no Danshō]] *[[Scrapped Princess]] *[[Secret of Cerulean Sand]] *[[Sentimental Graffiti]] *[[Seraphim Call]] *[[Seto no Hanayome]] *[[Seven Deadly Sins]] *[[Sgt Frog]] *[[Shadow Star]] *[[Shigofumi: Letters from the Departed]] *[[Shigurui]] *[[Shiki]] *[[Shin Hakkenden]] *[[Shion no Ō]] *[[Shonen Onmyouji]] *[[Shrine of the Morning Mist]] *[[Shugo Chara]] *[[Shura no Mon]] *[[Shining Tears X Wind]] *[[Shingetsutan Tsukihime]] *[[Shinkyoku Sōkai Polyphonica]] *[[Simoun (anime)|Simoun]] *[[Sisters of Wellber]] *[[Sister Princess]] *[[Sketchbook ~full color's~]] *[[Skip Beat!]] *[[Sky Girls]] *[[Solty Rei]] *[[Sola]] *[[Somedays Dreamers]] *[[Sora no Iro, Mizu no Iro]] *[[Sorcerer Stabber Orphen]] *[[Soul Link]] *[[The SoulTaker]] *[[Speed Grapher]] *[[Spice and Wolf]] *[[Star Ocean EX]] *[[Strange Dawn]] *[[Starship Girl Yamamoto Yohko]] *[[Starship Operators]] *[[Steel Angel Kurumi]] *[[Stellvia]] *[[Stratos 4]] *[[Strawberry 100%]] *[[Strawberry Marshmallow]] *[[Strawberry Panic!]] *[[Strike Witches]] *[[Sugar: A Little Snow Fairy]] *[[Super Milk Chan]] *[[Suika]] *[[Sukisho]] *[[Sumomomo Momomo]] *[[Suzuka]] *[[Sword Art Online]] *[[Tactics (manga)|Tactics]] *[[Taro the Space Alien]] *[[Tekkon Kinkreet]] *[[Telepathy Shōjo Ran Jiken Note]] *[[Tenjou Tenge]] *[[Tetsuko no Tabi]] *[[The Third]] *[[This Ugly Yet Beautiful World]] *[[Tide-Line Blue]] *[[Time Bokan 2000: Kaitou Kiramekiman]] *[[Tokimeki Memorial Only Love]] *[[Tokko]] *[[To Heart]] *[[To Heart 2]] *[[To Love-Ru]] *[[Tōka Gettan]] *[[Tokyo Ghoul]] *[[Tokyo Majin]] *[[Tokyo Tribe]] *[[Tokyo Underground]] *[[Toshokan Sensō]] *[[Toward the Terra]] *[[Triangle Heart]] *[[Trouble Chocolate]] *[[True Tears]] *[[Trinity Blood]] *[[Tsukuyomi: Moon Phase]] *[[Tsuyokiss]] *[[The Twelve Kingdoms]] *[[Tytania]] *[[UFO Baby]] *[[UFO Ultramaiden Valkyrie]] *[[Ultimate Girls]] *[[Ultra Maniac]] *[[Underbar Summer]] *[[Uninhabited Planet Survive!]] *[[Uta Kata]] *[[Utawarerumono]] *[[Vandread]] *[[Venus Versus Virus]] *[[Vexille]] *[[Viewtiful Joe (anime)|Viewtiful Joe]] *[[The Wallflower]] *[[Wandaba Style]] *[[Wangan Midnight]] *[[Weiß Kreuz]] *[[Welcome To The NHK]] *[[We Were There (manga)|We Were There]] *[[When They Cry]] *[[Wild Arms: Twilight Venom]] *[[Wind: A Breath of Heart]] *[[Windy Tales]] *[[Whispers of the heart]] *[[Witchblade]] *[[Witch Hunter Robin]] *[[The World of Narue]] *[[W Wish]] *[[X]] *[[Xam'd: Lost Memories]] *[[Xenosaga: The Animation]] *[[Yakitate!! Japan]] *[[Yakushiji Ryōko no Kaiki Jikenbo]] *[[Yami to Bōshi to Hon no Tabibito]] *[[Yes! PreCure 5]] *[[Yoake Mae yori Ruriiro na]] *[[Yōk ai Ningen Bem]] *[[Yomigaeru Sora – Rescue Wings]] *[[Yoshimune]] *[[Yoshinaga-san Chi no Gargoyle]] *[[Yotsunoha]] *[[You're Under Arrest!]] *[[Yozakura Quartet]] *[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] *[[Yugo (manga)|Yugo]] *[[Yukikaze (anime)|Yukikaze]] *[[Yumeria]] *[[Yume Tsukai]] *[[Yuri!!! On Ice]] *[[Zegapain]] *[[Zenmai Zamurai]] *[[Zettai Karen Children]] *[[Zipang (anime)|Zipang]] *[[Z.O.E. Dolores,i]] *[[Zombie-Loan]] *[[Zoids]] *[[The New Gate]] *[[Wizardly Tower]] *[[God Among Men]] *[[God of Martial Arts]] *[[Star Martial Arts]] *[[Tales of Demons and Gods]] *[[Ultimate Anti-Hero]] *[[Gun x Clover]] *[[Overlord]] [[Category:Lists|Manga/Anime shows in English]] [[Category:Anime and manga series]] 4ra2rnpm35ty1kuix1o385abdaczh35 0 77637 3949288 3945767 2026-06-05T17:55:28Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949288 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[The Berenstain Bears (2003) (season 1)|1]] [[The Berenstain Bears (2003) (season 2)|2]] [[The Berenstain Bears (2003) (season 3)|3]] | [[The Berenstain Bears (2003 TV series)|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:The Berenstain Bears (2002 TV series)|The Berenstain Bears]]''''' is an English-French-Chinese language American-Canadian-Quebecois-Chinese-Mandarin Chinese-Hong Kong Cantonese children's 2D [[w:Animated series|animated]] (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (digital inking-and-painting, and coloring animation)) [[w:Television comedy|television comedy]] series, aimed at kindergarteners, and elementary school children, and from ages 4 to 8, based on the [[w:Berenstain Bears|children's book series of the same name]] by [[w:Stan and Jan Berenstain|Stan and Jan Berenstain]], and produced, and co-produced by [[w:Nelvana|Nelvana]], and Agogo Entertainment. The series follows the lives of a family of [[w:Anthropomorphic|anthropomorphic]] [[bears]] who learn a related lesson during the course of each episode. It ran for forty episodes in three seasons. The series debuted on [[w:PBS Kids|PBS Kids]] in English, in the United States, in 2002, and [[w:Treehouse TV|Treehouse TV]], and [[w:CBC Television|CBC Television]], in English, in Canada, in 2002, and [[w:Vrak|Vrak.TV]], and [[w: Ici Radio-Canada Télé|Radio-Canada Télévision]], in French, in Canada, and Quebec, in 2002. And reruns continue on a limited number of PBS stations as of 2025. ==Seasons== ::[[The Berenstain Bears (2003) (season 1)|Season 1]] ::[[The Berenstain Bears (2003) (season 2)|Season 2]] ::[[The Berenstain Bears (2003) (season 3)|Season 3]] ==Voice cast== * [[w:Michael Cera|Michael Cera]] as Brother Bear (Episodes 1-26) * Michael D'Ascenzo as Brother Bear (Episodes 27-40) * [[w:Tajja Isen|Tajja Isen]] as Sister Bear * [[w:Benedict Campbell|Ben Campbell]] as Papa Q. Bear * [[w:Camilla Scott|Camilla Scott]] as Mama Bear * Marc McMulkin as Cousin Freddy * Amanda Soha as Lizzie Bruin * Nikki Marshall as Queenie * [[w:Mark Rendall|Mark Rendall]] as Ferdy Factual * Gage Knox as Too-Tall * Patrick Salvagna as Smirk *Billy Rosemburg as Skuzz * [[w:Leslie Carlson|Leslie Carlson]] as Gramps * [[w:Corinne Conley|Corinne Conley]] as Gran * [[w:Ellen-Ray Hennessy|Ellen-Ray Hennessy]] as Miss Grizzle * [[w:Chris Wiggins|Chris Wiggins]] as Squire Grizzly *[[w:Philip Williams|Philip Williams]] as Farmer Ben ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|0364793|The Berenstain Bears}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Berenstain Bears (2002 TV series), The}} [[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:Canadian TV shows with live action and animation]] [[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:Treehouse TV shows]] [[Category:YTV shows]] [[Category:Teletoon Retro shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about bears]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about families]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] lv4rec5wyk5wwhf7eg5wyey6bsove89 3949289 3949288 2026-06-05T17:55:55Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949289 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[The Berenstain Bears (2003) (season 1)|1]] [[The Berenstain Bears (2003) (season 2)|2]] [[The Berenstain Bears (2003) (season 3)|3]] | [[The Berenstain Bears (2003 TV series)|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:The Berenstain Bears (2002 TV series)|The Berenstain Bears]]''''' is an English-French-Chinese language American-Canadian-Quebecois-Chinese-Mandarin Chinese-Hong Kong Cantonese children's 2D [[w:Animated series|animated]] (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (digital inking-and-painting, and coloring animation)) [[w:Television comedy|television comedy]] series, aimed at kindergarteners, and elementary school children, and from ages 4 to 8, based on the [[w:Berenstain Bears|children's book series of the same name]] by [[w:Stan and Jan Berenstain|Stan and Jan Berenstain]], and produced, and co-produced by [[w:Nelvana|Nelvana]], and Agogo Entertainment. The series follows the lives of a family of [[w:Anthropomorphic|anthropomorphic]] [[bears]] who learn some related lessons during the course of each episode. It ran for forty episodes in three seasons. The series debuted on [[w:PBS Kids|PBS Kids]] in English, in the United States, in 2002, and [[w:Treehouse TV|Treehouse TV]], and [[w:CBC Television|CBC Television]], in English, in Canada, in 2002, and [[w:Vrak|Vrak.TV]], and [[w: Ici Radio-Canada Télé|Radio-Canada Télévision]], in French, in Canada, and Quebec, in 2002. And reruns continue on a limited number of PBS stations as of 2025. ==Seasons== ::[[The Berenstain Bears (2003) (season 1)|Season 1]] ::[[The Berenstain Bears (2003) (season 2)|Season 2]] ::[[The Berenstain Bears (2003) (season 3)|Season 3]] ==Voice cast== * [[w:Michael Cera|Michael Cera]] as Brother Bear (Episodes 1-26) * Michael D'Ascenzo as Brother Bear (Episodes 27-40) * [[w:Tajja Isen|Tajja Isen]] as Sister Bear * [[w:Benedict Campbell|Ben Campbell]] as Papa Q. Bear * [[w:Camilla Scott|Camilla Scott]] as Mama Bear * Marc McMulkin as Cousin Freddy * Amanda Soha as Lizzie Bruin * Nikki Marshall as Queenie * [[w:Mark Rendall|Mark Rendall]] as Ferdy Factual * Gage Knox as Too-Tall * Patrick Salvagna as Smirk *Billy Rosemburg as Skuzz * [[w:Leslie Carlson|Leslie Carlson]] as Gramps * [[w:Corinne Conley|Corinne Conley]] as Gran * [[w:Ellen-Ray Hennessy|Ellen-Ray Hennessy]] as Miss Grizzle * [[w:Chris Wiggins|Chris Wiggins]] as Squire Grizzly *[[w:Philip Williams|Philip Williams]] as Farmer Ben ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|0364793|The Berenstain Bears}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Berenstain Bears (2002 TV series), The}} [[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:Canadian TV shows with live action and animation]] [[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:Treehouse TV shows]] [[Category:YTV shows]] [[Category:Teletoon Retro shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about bears]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about families]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] nxfxxvd504ep1yx0ecv2xkrt9xpip5z 0 86660 3949372 3941828 2026-06-06T00:43:24Z ~2026-32327-69 3333493 /* It's Great to Be a Ghost! [1.9] */ 3949372 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Backyardigans|The Backyardigans]]''''' is an American Canadian 3D-animated children's TV series, created by [[w:Janice Burgess|Janice Burgess]] and produced by [[w:Nelvana|Nelvana]]. Music for the show is written by [[w:Evan Lurie|Evan Lurie]], of [[w:The Lounge Lizards|The Lounge Lizards]], and Douglas Wieselman. The characters are designed by children's book author and illustrator [[w:Dan Yaccarino|Dan Yaccarino]]. The series premiered on October 11, 2004 on [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]]'s [[w:Nick Jr. (block)|Nick Jr.]] block in the [[w:United States|United States]] on the VHS/DVD. __TOC__ <!-- Replace the above line by __NOTOC__ if you want to create a custom table of contents and the following conditions hold: 1. The show is no longer active. 2. There is a large number of episodes (over 50). --> ==Season 1== ===''Knights are Brave and Strong'' [1.1]=== :'''Tasha''': Hello and good day to you. I'm Queen Tasha, the rule of everything. :''[Queen Tasha sends Uniqua the page on a mission to deliver a secret message to King Austin.]'' :'''Uniqua''': Oh, Queen, nothing can stop me from delivering this message. I hope. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pablo''': Stay away from my hood! :''[This is a reference to [[w:Gandalf|Gandalf's]] jungles "You shall not pass!"]'' ===''The Yeti'' [1.2]=== :''[Uniqua, Tyrone, and Tasha set out on a journey to the Frozen North to find the Yeti - Pablo.]'' :'''Tasha''': I'll race you to the other side. :'''Uniqua''': I'll beat you to the other side. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Uniqua''': Ready, set, go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Uniqua''': Come on. :'''Tasha''': Oh, for goodness sakes. === ''Pirate Treasure'' [1.3] === <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pablo''': ''[singing]'' What do you do with a scurvy pirate? :'''Tyrone''': ''[singing]'' Raid their ship and then hot-wire it. :'''Pablo''': ''[singing]'' What do you do with a scurvy pirate? :'''Tyrone and Pablo''': ''[singing]'' Make them walk the plank! :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' What do you do with a scurvy pirate? :'''Austin''': ''[singing]'' Load the cannon up and fire it. :'''Uniqua and Austin''': ''[singing]'' What do you do with a scurvy pirate? Make them walk the plank! :'''Tyrone''': ''[singing]'' We'll raid their scurvy pirate ship, and make them walk the plank! :'''Pablo''': ''[singing]'' We'll grab up all their treasure, :'''Tyrone and Pablo''': ''[singing]'' And put it in the bank! :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' What do you do with a scurvy pirate? :'''Austin''': ''[singing]'' Load the cannon up and fire it. :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' What do you do with a scurvy pirate? :'''Tyrone and Pablo''': ''[singing]'' Make them walk the plank! === ''The Heart of the Jungle'' [1.4] === :''[The three Tarzans (Pablo, Tyrone, and Austin) and Scientist Uniqua set off on a journey to the heart of the jungle to return Sherman the Wormin to his home.]'' :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' These trees look so familiar, we've been here once before. :'''Tyrone''': You're right except it wasn't once. :'''Pablo''': It was three times. :'''Austin''': Or four. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Austin comes to the large fern leaf, which has hit him in the head the past two times they've gone past. He ducks, and it misses.]'' :'''Austin''': Ugh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Austin''': Quicksand bad. === ''Secret Mission'' [1.5] === :''[Secret Agents Pablo, Uniqua, and Tyrone must return the mystery object to its rightful owner in the museum.]'' :'''Pablo''': Secret agents go on secret missions and we have background music. Sneaky background music: ''de de doo''. Danger background music: ''dum, dum, DUM.'' And if we goof up: ''Wahh wahh wahh.'' But no matter what happens, a secret agents always stays cool. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tyrone''': This certainly is a long short cut. === ''Riding the Range'' [1.6] === :''[Tyrone heads to Texas for the hoedown, while Tasha, Uniqua, and Pablo track down a jump-rope thief - who is actually an unwary Tyrone.]'' :'''Uniqua''': The bandit must have jumped across on his horse. :'''Pablo''': Now that's one clever varmint. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tasha''': Bandit! Bandit! We got you, bandit! :'''Tyrone''': Whoa! They got the bandit cornered on the porch! What if he tries to get in here? I better sneak out the back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pablo''': See you later. :'''Tasha''': See you later. :'''Uniqua''': See you next time. :'''Tyrone''': See you. === ''The Key to the Nile'' [1.7] === :''[When the Nile River in ancient Egypt disappears, Princess CleoTasha takes her three servants out to find three presents for the Sphinx, so that she can tell them the secret of the Nile and get the river back.]'' :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' 'Please' and 'thank you', that's the secret of the Nile! :'''Pablo, Tyrone and Austin''': ''[singing]'' 'Please' and 'thank you' gets you practically anything you want with a smile! :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' Even princesses should try to be polite. 'Please' and 'thank you', they're just right, so don't be rude! :'''Tasha''': ''[singing]'' 'Please' and 'thank you' are not things I usually say, but since you insist, I'll start to say them much more often as of today. Who exactly should I say these phrases to? :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' How 'bout those three guys who do the work for you? :'''Tasha''': ''[singing]'' Thank you guys for knowing where the special gifts were hid! :'''Pablo, Tyrone and Austin''': ''[singing]'' You're welcome! :'''Tasha''': ''[singing]'' And thank you guys for helping me find them like you did! :'''Pablo, Tyrone and Austin''': ''[singing]'' You're welcome! :'''Tasha''': ''[singing]'' And thank you guys for doing all that other servant work! :'''Pablo, Tyrone and Austin''': ''[singing]'' You're welcome! :'''Tasha''': ''[singing]'' And please forgive me if I acted kind of like a jerk. :'''Pablo, Tyrone and Austin''': ''[singing]'' That's okay. :'''Uniqua and Tasha''': ''[singing]'' 'Please' and 'thank you', that's the secret of the Nile, 'please' and 'thank you' get you... :'''Pablo, Tyrone and Austin''': ''[singing]'' Practically anything you want with a smile. :'''All''': Egypt's nice when we all try to be polite. Please' and 'thank you' are just right, 'you're welcome', too! === ''The Snow Fort'' [1.8] === :'''Uniqua and Tasha''': Ski patrol to the rescue! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mounties Tyrone and Pablo defend the world's biggest snowball while Ski Patrollers Uniqua and Tasha look for someone to save.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pablo, Tyrone, Uniqua, and Tasha scream]'' :'''Pablo and Tyrone''': Help! === ''It's Great to Be a Ghost!'' [1.9] === :''[Tyrone then leaned against the wall next to the suit of armor, suddenly. There was a mechanical noise and the wall turns around 180 degrees taking Tyrone and the suit of armor on the stand with it]'' :'''Tyrone''': Woooah! :''[Then it stopped with an echoing slam the other side of the wall shows a blue wall with a painting of a woman on it. Tyrone is now in a mysterious bedroom with blue wall paper. He gasped in shock, and he starts to walk and looks around the room trying to figure out where he is. He turns and walks backwards. He bumps into a sheet-covered mirror and gasped as he fell over and then the sheet lands on top of Tyrone. Tyrone gets up with a sheet on him, making him look like a ghost. Tyrone turns to the mirror]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[screaming]'' A ghost! HELP! HELP ME! ''[he starts running around]'' A ghost got me! Help! It's a ghost. ''[he stops and looks at the mirror again]'' Huh? Hey, wait a minute. ''[he flies up and down and see that the ghost does it too. He takes off the sheet and looks at the viewers]'' It's me! ''[he puts back on the sheet]'' I'M the spooky ghost! ''[he looks in the mirror and flies up again. He starts flying around]'' Woo-oooo-oooo... ''[laughs]'' BOO! ''[laughs louder]'' :'''Tasha''': ''[muffled, "offscreen"]'' Tyrone! Come out, come out wherever you are! :'''Tyrone''': ''[takes off the sheet again and whispers]'' I'm gonna scare them. :''[Cut to Tasha, Pablo and Uniqua making it upstairs]'' :'''Tasha''': ''[calls out to Tyrone]'' Scary or not, here I come! :''[The three were still looking for Tyrone when suddenly, the wall turned around again, and Tyrone comes out from behind it. Pablo and Uniqua's eyes widen in shock when they took notice of what came out from behind the wall]'' :'''Uniqua and Pablo''': ''[horrified gasps]'' :'''Tasha''': ''[puzzled]'' What? ''[turns around too late]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[lets out a big scare]'' BOO! :'''All''': ''[screaming in horror]'' :'''Tasha''': ''[terrified]'' IT'S A GHOST! ''[runs past Uniqua and Pablo]'' GET OUT OF MY WAY, IT'S A GHOST! :'''Tyrone''': ''[scaring Uniqua and Pablo]'' Boo! :''[Pablo and Uniqua scream in shock then hightail it to the stairs as Tyrone begins chasing them]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[in a spooky voice]'' '''I am a scary ghost and I'm haunting you!''' :''[Tasha, Pablo and Uniqua hid behind a couch and Tyrone floated by them, but it didn't take long for Tyrone to find them right away shivering in their shoulders]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[as Tasha sees him next to her]'' Boo! :''[The three scream in shock then make a break for it towards the staircase]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[giggles]'' :''[Tasha, Uniqua and Pablo try to run upstairs, but Tyrone made it up first]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[stands in front of them]'' Boo! :''[They all scream in terror and run back down]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[giggles quietly]'' :'''Pablo''': ''[as he and Uniqua fled out the front doors]'' RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! :'''Tyrone''': ''[scares Tasha]'' BOO! :''[Tasha was really frightened now. She ran back up to the upper hallway and opened a door to a closet then closes it. Just as the closet door closed, Tyrone bumped into the door as he couldn't phase through things with the sheet on him and the white sheet flew off of Tyrone as he continually said 'Boo!', revealing his true form]'' :'''Tyrone''': Boo! ''[repeats as Tasha yelps]'' :''[Pablo and Uniqua floated back inside and they suddenly noticed something]'' :'''Pablo''': ''[realizing something]'' Hey, wait a minute, ''[sees that the ghost is really Tyrone]'' '''It's just Tyrone!''' === ''Viking Voyage'' [1.10] === :''[Vikings Pablo, Tyrone, and Uniqua seek to discover uncharted lands, though Mermaid Tasha has other ideas.]'' <hr width="50%"/> : === ''The Quest for the Flying Rock'' [1.11] === :''[Four explorers find a mysterious map for the legendary Flying Rock atop Stone Step Hill (really a pyramid), but upon a disagreement on what path to choose, Uniqua and Tasha compete with Pablo and Tyrone on a race filled with unknown obstacles.]'' :'''All''': ''[reciting the spell and singing]'' Oh rock, oh rock on hilltop high! === ''Surf's Up'' [1.12] === :''[Surfer Pablo is on the lookout for Tiki Beach to ride the perfect wave, but he can't find it. Little does Pablo know that he must learn a lot of radical moves before he can find that place and ride the perfect wave, and he will only do that with the help of other fellow surfers and a mysterious lifeguard, Austin.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Pablo''': Hey, lifeguard dude! Do you know where Tiki Beach is? :'''Austin''': You're looking for Tiki Beach? :'''Pablo''': Totally. I wanna surf the perfect wave. :'''Austin''': Well, you gotta have rad moves to surf Tiki Beach. :'''Pablo''': ''[to the viewers]'' I guess lifeguards like to call everybody dude, too. ''[back to Austin]''No problemo, dude. Check this out! ''[does the monkey move]'' :'''Austin''': Dude, that's the monkey. Anybody can do the monkey. That's not a radical move. :'''Pablo''': Oh. Well, how about this? ''[does the twist move]'' :'''Austin''': That's just the twist. That's not a rad move either. :'''Pablo''': Oh. Hmm… Well, not everybody can do this! ''[does the triple whip]'' :'''Austin''': The triple whip, huh? Now ''that's'' a rad move. :'''Pablo''': Totally! :'''Austin''': What else can you do? :'''Pablo''': Uh, well, that's the only rad move I know. :'''Austin''': You need ''all'' rad moves to surf Tiki Beach. Not just one. :'''Pablo''': Bummer. But I still wanna find Tiki Beach. :'''Austin''': Well, it could be up north, or it could be down south… :'''Pablo''': This lifeguard's being kind of mysterious. So which way should I go, dude? :'''Austin''': Hmm, try that way. ''[points to the right]'' Look for the tall trees. :'''Pablo''': Tall trees. Okay, thanks, dude! Later! ''[walks to his dune buggy and drives away]'' :'''Austin''': ''[to the viewers]'' Actually, Tiki Beach ''isn't'' that way. I tricked him. I couldn't tell him where it really is. Because he just doesn't have the moves yet. He's got a lot to learn before he can surf Tiki Beach. === ''Race to the Tower of Power'' [1.13] === :''[Two wicked supervillains, Dr. Shrinky (Tyrone) and Yucky-Man (Pablo) are intent on stealing the Key to the World, which lies inside the Tower of Power, and taking over the world.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Austin''': Where do you think you're going? :'''Pablo''': Uh… to the Tower of Power so we can rule the world? :'''Uniqua''': Oh, no, you don't. We'll catch you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Austin''': How are we gonna catch those supervillains? :'''Uniqua''': Hmm… ''[gets an idea]'' I know! Build us a boat, Captain Hammer. :'''Austin''': ''[baffled]'' A boat? What good will that do on the ice? :'''Uniqua''': There's no time to explain. Trust me. :'''Austin''': Well, okay. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pablo''': ''[pacing back and forth while freaking out]'' No, oh, no! They're getting ahead of us! We're going backward, they're going forward… :'''Tyrone''': Pablo? :'''Pablo''': Yup. They're gonna get there first. What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? :'''Tyrone''': PABLO! :'''Pablo''': Yeah? :'''Tyrone''': There's only one thing we ''can'' do! :'''Pablo''': What's that? :'''Tyrone''': Think! <hr width="50%"/> :''[The supervillains run up to the entrance of the tower]'' :'''Pablo''': We made to the tower! Now we just need to get to the top and grab the key. :'''Tyrone''': ''[sees the superheroes coming]'' But here come the superheroes. What will we do? :'''Pablo''': I know! We'll fake 'em out! Let's pretend to be tired and then, when they fall for our trick, we'll get 'em! :'''Supervillains''': WA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA! :'''Pablo''': Here they come! :''[They start pretending to catch their breath as the heroes run up to them]'' :'''Uniqua''': Supervillains, HALT! :'''Pablo''': ''[panting]'' It's okay… You win, superheroes. :'''Tyrone''': ''[panting]'' We're too tired… to climb the tower. You guys go ahead. :'''Austin''': Great! Now's our chance! :'''Pablo''': Now, Dr. Shrinky! :'''Tyrone''': Captain Hammer, SHRINK! ''[zaps his rays at Austin, shrinking him]'' :'''Uniqua''': Captain Hammer! :'''Austin''': ''[in high-pitched voice]'' Uh-oh. :'''Uniqua''': You shrunk Captain Hammer? :'''Austin''': I'm here! :'''Uniqua''': ''[picks him up]'' Are you okay? :'''Austin''': Yes, I'm fine. But the villains are going in the tower. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Uniqua''': Now what are we gonna do? :'''Austin''': We've got to stop them! :'''Uniqua''': What? :'''Austin''': We've got to stop them! :'''Uniqua''': ''[puts her hand to her ear]'' What?! :'''Austin''': I said, we've got to stop them! :'''Uniqua''': Oh. Yes, you're right. But they shrunk you. :'''Austin''': I know they did. But I'm ''still'' a brave superhero and we've got to stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Uniqua''': Not so fast, supervillains :'''Pablo & Tyrone''': ''[shocked]'' Weather Woman! :'''Austin''': You'll never get the key! :'''Pablo''': ''[puts his hand to his ear; confused]'' What? :'''Austin''': You'll never get the key! :'''Tyrone''': What? :'''Uniqua''': ''[annoyed]'' He said, you'll never get the key. :'''Pablo & Tyrone''': Oh. :'''Pablo''': Nonsense! You and your teensy, weensy friend can't defeat us now! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Uniqua''': We've got you now! :'''Austin''': The Key to the World is safe! :'''Uniqua''': We've saved the world from your evil plot. :'''Tyrone''': ''[in high-pitched voice]'' We're tiny. :'''Pablo''': ''[also in high-pitched voice]'' And gooey. :'''Austin''': What? :'''Uniqua''': We can't hear you. === ''Castaways'' [1.14] === :''[Uniqua, Tyrone, and Pablo are castaways on a deserted island, and as they struggle to find food and a place to live, they receive mysterious help. Could it be a mischievous intruder, or just a fellow castaway, maybe Austin, who's too shy to say hello to the others?]'' === ''Cave Party'' [1.15] === :''[The Mountain Cave People — Austin and Tasha — invite the Valley Cave People — Uniqua, Pablo, and Tyrone — to howl at the moon when it hits the highest peak. While the three Valley Cave People must get there on time, the two Mountain Cave People must fill their time, all with the help of handy new inventions.]'' :'''Uniqua''': Ugh! <hr width="50%"/> :''[The three Valley Cave People are climbing a hill and when they reach the top]'' :'''Pablo''': Whoa! I mean, ugh! That's a long way down. :'''Tyrone''': You know what we need? Something to help us get down this hill. :'''Uniqua''': Yeah, something we can ride on, and go fast. :'''Pablo''': Yeah. And it should be red. :'''Tyrone''': Ughxactly. So that's why I invented this. :'''Pablo''': Great invention. :'''Uniqua''': Awesome. :'''Pablo''': Great invention. :'''Uniqua''': Really cool! :'''Pablo''': What do you call it, the button? :'''Tyrone''': Nope. :'''Uniqua''': The rice cake? :'''Tyrone''': Nope, I call it the sled. :'''Uniqua, & Pablo''': Ugh! :'''Pablo''': Ughxcellent choice. :'''Uniqua''': Good name. :'''Uniqua, & Pablo''': The sled. :'''Tyrone''': Hop on. Now let's ugh. :'''All Three''': Ugh! :''[The three Valley Cave People ride the sled down the hill]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[The three Valley Cave People are climbing the stairs Uniqua invented up the mountain.]'' :'''Uniqua''': Next time... I'm gonna invent... the elevator. === ''High Tea'' [1.16] === :'''Tasha''': Come along! Don't dawdle! :'''Tyrone''': Okay! :'''Pablo''': We'll be right there! === ''Race Around the World'' [1.17] === <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pablo''': Help! Help! :'''Austin''': Did you hear somebody call for help? :'''Pablo''': Help! Help! Help! :'''Austin''': Pablo? Pablo! :'''Pablo''': Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! :'''Austin''': Pablo... :'''Pablo''': Help! Help, help, help! Help, help, help! :'''Austin''': Pablo! :'''Pablo''': Yeah? :'''Austin''': I think I can help. :'''Pablo''': Oh. How? :'''Austin''': I've got a rope. Grab on and I'll pull you up! :'''Pablo''': Got it! [grunts] :'''Pablo''': Phew, thanks, Austin! :'''Pablo''': No problem. <hr width="50%"/> === ''Polka Palace Party'' [1.18] === :''[Cowboys Tyrone, Uniqua, Pablo and Austin—united by a shared love of polka music—need to get to Cheyenne by sundown in order to play at a surprise birthday party for Sherman the Worman's brother Herman.]'' === ''Monster Detectives'' [1.19] === :'''Tyrone''': Hmm... interesting. Might be a case of missing soccerball. Let's investigate. :'''Pablo''': Soccer Monster gets the ball. He passes it outfield to... Soccer Monster! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tyrone''': This game's over! You've snitched your last ball, Soccer monster! By order of the monster detective agency, I order you to give it back to its rightful owner! Bleh. Here you go. == Season 2 == ===''Mission to Mars'' [2.01]=== ===''The Swamp Creature'' [2.07]=== ===''Best Clowns in Town'' [2.15]=== :'''Tyrone''': ''[furious]'' '''''CLOWNS!!!!!''''' ''[echoes]'' I am so mad! You made me miss my train! I have a circus to lead tonight in big city, but I won't be there because of... '''''CLOWNS!!!!!''''' ''[echoes]'' :'''Pablo''': Somebody call for clowns? :'''Uniqua''': Don't worry, Ringmaster Tyrone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pablo''': Let me guess. Clowns? :'''Tyrone''': Yep. '''''CLOWNS!!!!!''''' :''[Tyrone's scream echoes throughout the land, with the camera moves farther and farther away by the four]'' :'''Tyrone''': I give up. == Season 3 == == Season 4 == == Cast == * Kristi Baker (speaking) - Uniqua * Jake Goldberg (speaking) - Pablo * Christopher DeFaria (speaking) - Tyrone * Melanie Kohn (singing) - Tasha * [[w:Jonah Bobo|Jonah Bobo]] (speaking) - Austin == External links == {{wikipedia}} * [http://www.nick.com The Nickelodeon website.] {{DEFAULTSORT:Backyardigans, The}} [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:2010s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:American preschool education TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian preschool education TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Treehouse TV shows]] [[Category:Nick Jr. shows]] [[Category:Noggin shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:TV shows about deer and moose]] [[Category:TV shows about kangaroos and wallabies]] [[Category:TV shows about penguins]] m19q6frw79onps5e0ct22ynssgigjpa 3949373 3949372 2026-06-06T00:49:58Z ~2026-32327-69 3333493 /* Secret Mission [1.5] */ 3949373 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Backyardigans|The Backyardigans]]''''' is an American Canadian 3D-animated children's TV series, created by [[w:Janice Burgess|Janice Burgess]] and produced by [[w:Nelvana|Nelvana]]. Music for the show is written by [[w:Evan Lurie|Evan Lurie]], of [[w:The Lounge Lizards|The Lounge Lizards]], and Douglas Wieselman. The characters are designed by children's book author and illustrator [[w:Dan Yaccarino|Dan Yaccarino]]. The series premiered on October 11, 2004 on [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]]'s [[w:Nick Jr. (block)|Nick Jr.]] block in the [[w:United States|United States]] on the VHS/DVD. __TOC__ <!-- Replace the above line by __NOTOC__ if you want to create a custom table of contents and the following conditions hold: 1. The show is no longer active. 2. There is a large number of episodes (over 50). --> ==Season 1== ===''Knights are Brave and Strong'' [1.1]=== :'''Tasha''': Hello and good day to you. I'm Queen Tasha, the rule of everything. :''[Queen Tasha sends Uniqua the page on a mission to deliver a secret message to King Austin.]'' :'''Uniqua''': Oh, Queen, nothing can stop me from delivering this message. I hope. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pablo''': Stay away from my hood! :''[This is a reference to [[w:Gandalf|Gandalf's]] jungles "You shall not pass!"]'' ===''The Yeti'' [1.2]=== :''[Uniqua, Tyrone, and Tasha set out on a journey to the Frozen North to find the Yeti - Pablo.]'' :'''Tasha''': I'll race you to the other side. :'''Uniqua''': I'll beat you to the other side. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Uniqua''': Ready, set, go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Uniqua''': Come on. :'''Tasha''': Oh, for goodness sakes. === ''Pirate Treasure'' [1.3] === <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pablo''': ''[singing]'' What do you do with a scurvy pirate? :'''Tyrone''': ''[singing]'' Raid their ship and then hot-wire it. :'''Pablo''': ''[singing]'' What do you do with a scurvy pirate? :'''Tyrone and Pablo''': ''[singing]'' Make them walk the plank! :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' What do you do with a scurvy pirate? :'''Austin''': ''[singing]'' Load the cannon up and fire it. :'''Uniqua and Austin''': ''[singing]'' What do you do with a scurvy pirate? Make them walk the plank! :'''Tyrone''': ''[singing]'' We'll raid their scurvy pirate ship, and make them walk the plank! :'''Pablo''': ''[singing]'' We'll grab up all their treasure, :'''Tyrone and Pablo''': ''[singing]'' And put it in the bank! :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' What do you do with a scurvy pirate? :'''Austin''': ''[singing]'' Load the cannon up and fire it. :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' What do you do with a scurvy pirate? :'''Tyrone and Pablo''': ''[singing]'' Make them walk the plank! === ''The Heart of the Jungle'' [1.4] === :''[The three Tarzans (Pablo, Tyrone, and Austin) and Scientist Uniqua set off on a journey to the heart of the jungle to return Sherman the Wormin to his home.]'' :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' These trees look so familiar, we've been here once before. :'''Tyrone''': You're right except it wasn't once. :'''Pablo''': It was three times. :'''Austin''': Or four. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Austin comes to the large fern leaf, which has hit him in the head the past two times they've gone past. He ducks, and it misses.]'' :'''Austin''': Ugh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Austin''': Quicksand bad. === ''Secret Mission'' [1.5] === :''[Secret Agents Pablo, Uniqua, and Tyrone must return the mystery object to its rightful owner in the museum.]'' :'''Pablo''': Secret agents go on secret missions and we have background music. Sneaky background music: ''de de doo''. Danger background music: ''dum, dum, DUM.'' And if we goof up: ''Wahh wahh wahh.'' But no matter what happens, a secret agents always stays cool. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tyrone''': This certainly is a long short cut. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Uniqua''': ''[smiles]'' Spy rope time again! ''[shoots her rope upwards]'' '''Grab hold, agents! Going up!''' :''[Sooner as they were going up to where they started by the entrance, the dinosaur skull speaks to them]'' :'''Dinosaur skull''': ''[salutes the trio]'' '''Thanks for my toe!''' :'''All''': You're welcome! :'''Pablo''': ''[smiles]'' '''Just doing our job!''' :''[A few seconds later, Pablo, Uniqua and Tyrone arrive back at the museum entrance outside]'' :'''Pablo''': ''[to his fellow agents]'' Mission accomplished secret agents! '''Snacktime?''' :'''Tyrone''': ''[his belly growls]'' Snacktime! === ''Riding the Range'' [1.6] === :''[Tyrone heads to Texas for the hoedown, while Tasha, Uniqua, and Pablo track down a jump-rope thief - who is actually an unwary Tyrone.]'' :'''Uniqua''': The bandit must have jumped across on his horse. :'''Pablo''': Now that's one clever varmint. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tasha''': Bandit! Bandit! We got you, bandit! :'''Tyrone''': Whoa! They got the bandit cornered on the porch! What if he tries to get in here? I better sneak out the back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pablo''': See you later. :'''Tasha''': See you later. :'''Uniqua''': See you next time. :'''Tyrone''': See you. === ''The Key to the Nile'' [1.7] === :''[When the Nile River in ancient Egypt disappears, Princess CleoTasha takes her three servants out to find three presents for the Sphinx, so that she can tell them the secret of the Nile and get the river back.]'' :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' 'Please' and 'thank you', that's the secret of the Nile! :'''Pablo, Tyrone and Austin''': ''[singing]'' 'Please' and 'thank you' gets you practically anything you want with a smile! :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' Even princesses should try to be polite. 'Please' and 'thank you', they're just right, so don't be rude! :'''Tasha''': ''[singing]'' 'Please' and 'thank you' are not things I usually say, but since you insist, I'll start to say them much more often as of today. Who exactly should I say these phrases to? :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' How 'bout those three guys who do the work for you? :'''Tasha''': ''[singing]'' Thank you guys for knowing where the special gifts were hid! :'''Pablo, Tyrone and Austin''': ''[singing]'' You're welcome! :'''Tasha''': ''[singing]'' And thank you guys for helping me find them like you did! :'''Pablo, Tyrone and Austin''': ''[singing]'' You're welcome! :'''Tasha''': ''[singing]'' And thank you guys for doing all that other servant work! :'''Pablo, Tyrone and Austin''': ''[singing]'' You're welcome! :'''Tasha''': ''[singing]'' And please forgive me if I acted kind of like a jerk. :'''Pablo, Tyrone and Austin''': ''[singing]'' That's okay. :'''Uniqua and Tasha''': ''[singing]'' 'Please' and 'thank you', that's the secret of the Nile, 'please' and 'thank you' get you... :'''Pablo, Tyrone and Austin''': ''[singing]'' Practically anything you want with a smile. :'''All''': Egypt's nice when we all try to be polite. Please' and 'thank you' are just right, 'you're welcome', too! === ''The Snow Fort'' [1.8] === :'''Uniqua and Tasha''': Ski patrol to the rescue! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mounties Tyrone and Pablo defend the world's biggest snowball while Ski Patrollers Uniqua and Tasha look for someone to save.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pablo, Tyrone, Uniqua, and Tasha scream]'' :'''Pablo and Tyrone''': Help! === ''It's Great to Be a Ghost!'' [1.9] === :''[Tyrone then leaned against the wall next to the suit of armor, suddenly. There was a mechanical noise and the wall turns around 180 degrees taking Tyrone and the suit of armor on the stand with it]'' :'''Tyrone''': Woooah! :''[Then it stopped with an echoing slam the other side of the wall shows a blue wall with a painting of a woman on it. Tyrone is now in a mysterious bedroom with blue wall paper. He gasped in shock, and he starts to walk and looks around the room trying to figure out where he is. He turns and walks backwards. He bumps into a sheet-covered mirror and gasped as he fell over and then the sheet lands on top of Tyrone. Tyrone gets up with a sheet on him, making him look like a ghost. Tyrone turns to the mirror]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[screaming]'' A ghost! HELP! HELP ME! ''[he starts running around]'' A ghost got me! Help! It's a ghost. ''[he stops and looks at the mirror again]'' Huh? Hey, wait a minute. ''[he flies up and down and see that the ghost does it too. He takes off the sheet and looks at the viewers]'' It's me! ''[he puts back on the sheet]'' I'M the spooky ghost! ''[he looks in the mirror and flies up again. He starts flying around]'' Woo-oooo-oooo... ''[laughs]'' BOO! ''[laughs louder]'' :'''Tasha''': ''[muffled, "offscreen"]'' Tyrone! Come out, come out wherever you are! :'''Tyrone''': ''[takes off the sheet again and whispers]'' I'm gonna scare them. :''[Cut to Tasha, Pablo and Uniqua making it upstairs]'' :'''Tasha''': ''[calls out to Tyrone]'' Scary or not, here I come! :''[The three were still looking for Tyrone when suddenly, the wall turned around again, and Tyrone comes out from behind it. Pablo and Uniqua's eyes widen in shock when they took notice of what came out from behind the wall]'' :'''Uniqua and Pablo''': ''[horrified gasps]'' :'''Tasha''': ''[puzzled]'' What? ''[turns around too late]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[lets out a big scare]'' BOO! :'''All''': ''[screaming in horror]'' :'''Tasha''': ''[terrified]'' IT'S A GHOST! ''[runs past Uniqua and Pablo]'' GET OUT OF MY WAY, IT'S A GHOST! :'''Tyrone''': ''[scaring Uniqua and Pablo]'' Boo! :''[Pablo and Uniqua scream in shock then hightail it to the stairs as Tyrone begins chasing them]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[in a spooky voice]'' '''I am a scary ghost and I'm haunting you!''' :''[Tasha, Pablo and Uniqua hid behind a couch and Tyrone floated by them, but it didn't take long for Tyrone to find them right away shivering in their shoulders]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[as Tasha sees him next to her]'' Boo! :''[The three scream in shock then make a break for it towards the staircase]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[giggles]'' :''[Tasha, Uniqua and Pablo try to run upstairs, but Tyrone made it up first]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[stands in front of them]'' Boo! :''[They all scream in terror and run back down]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[giggles quietly]'' :'''Pablo''': ''[as he and Uniqua fled out the front doors]'' RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! :'''Tyrone''': ''[scares Tasha]'' BOO! :''[Tasha was really frightened now. She ran back up to the upper hallway and opened a door to a closet then closes it. Just as the closet door closed, Tyrone bumped into the door as he couldn't phase through things with the sheet on him and the white sheet flew off of Tyrone as he continually said 'Boo!', revealing his true form]'' :'''Tyrone''': Boo! ''[repeats as Tasha yelps]'' :''[Pablo and Uniqua floated back inside and they suddenly noticed something]'' :'''Pablo''': ''[realizing something]'' Hey, wait a minute, ''[sees that the ghost is really Tyrone]'' '''It's just Tyrone!''' === ''Viking Voyage'' [1.10] === :''[Vikings Pablo, Tyrone, and Uniqua seek to discover uncharted lands, though Mermaid Tasha has other ideas.]'' <hr width="50%"/> : === ''The Quest for the Flying Rock'' [1.11] === :''[Four explorers find a mysterious map for the legendary Flying Rock atop Stone Step Hill (really a pyramid), but upon a disagreement on what path to choose, Uniqua and Tasha compete with Pablo and Tyrone on a race filled with unknown obstacles.]'' :'''All''': ''[reciting the spell and singing]'' Oh rock, oh rock on hilltop high! === ''Surf's Up'' [1.12] === :''[Surfer Pablo is on the lookout for Tiki Beach to ride the perfect wave, but he can't find it. Little does Pablo know that he must learn a lot of radical moves before he can find that place and ride the perfect wave, and he will only do that with the help of other fellow surfers and a mysterious lifeguard, Austin.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Pablo''': Hey, lifeguard dude! Do you know where Tiki Beach is? :'''Austin''': You're looking for Tiki Beach? :'''Pablo''': Totally. I wanna surf the perfect wave. :'''Austin''': Well, you gotta have rad moves to surf Tiki Beach. :'''Pablo''': ''[to the viewers]'' I guess lifeguards like to call everybody dude, too. ''[back to Austin]''No problemo, dude. Check this out! ''[does the monkey move]'' :'''Austin''': Dude, that's the monkey. Anybody can do the monkey. That's not a radical move. :'''Pablo''': Oh. Well, how about this? ''[does the twist move]'' :'''Austin''': That's just the twist. That's not a rad move either. :'''Pablo''': Oh. Hmm… Well, not everybody can do this! ''[does the triple whip]'' :'''Austin''': The triple whip, huh? Now ''that's'' a rad move. :'''Pablo''': Totally! :'''Austin''': What else can you do? :'''Pablo''': Uh, well, that's the only rad move I know. :'''Austin''': You need ''all'' rad moves to surf Tiki Beach. Not just one. :'''Pablo''': Bummer. But I still wanna find Tiki Beach. :'''Austin''': Well, it could be up north, or it could be down south… :'''Pablo''': This lifeguard's being kind of mysterious. So which way should I go, dude? :'''Austin''': Hmm, try that way. ''[points to the right]'' Look for the tall trees. :'''Pablo''': Tall trees. Okay, thanks, dude! Later! ''[walks to his dune buggy and drives away]'' :'''Austin''': ''[to the viewers]'' Actually, Tiki Beach ''isn't'' that way. I tricked him. I couldn't tell him where it really is. Because he just doesn't have the moves yet. He's got a lot to learn before he can surf Tiki Beach. === ''Race to the Tower of Power'' [1.13] === :''[Two wicked supervillains, Dr. Shrinky (Tyrone) and Yucky-Man (Pablo) are intent on stealing the Key to the World, which lies inside the Tower of Power, and taking over the world.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Austin''': Where do you think you're going? :'''Pablo''': Uh… to the Tower of Power so we can rule the world? :'''Uniqua''': Oh, no, you don't. We'll catch you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Austin''': How are we gonna catch those supervillains? :'''Uniqua''': Hmm… ''[gets an idea]'' I know! Build us a boat, Captain Hammer. :'''Austin''': ''[baffled]'' A boat? What good will that do on the ice? :'''Uniqua''': There's no time to explain. Trust me. :'''Austin''': Well, okay. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pablo''': ''[pacing back and forth while freaking out]'' No, oh, no! They're getting ahead of us! We're going backward, they're going forward… :'''Tyrone''': Pablo? :'''Pablo''': Yup. They're gonna get there first. What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? :'''Tyrone''': PABLO! :'''Pablo''': Yeah? :'''Tyrone''': There's only one thing we ''can'' do! :'''Pablo''': What's that? :'''Tyrone''': Think! <hr width="50%"/> :''[The supervillains run up to the entrance of the tower]'' :'''Pablo''': We made to the tower! Now we just need to get to the top and grab the key. :'''Tyrone''': ''[sees the superheroes coming]'' But here come the superheroes. What will we do? :'''Pablo''': I know! We'll fake 'em out! Let's pretend to be tired and then, when they fall for our trick, we'll get 'em! :'''Supervillains''': WA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA! :'''Pablo''': Here they come! :''[They start pretending to catch their breath as the heroes run up to them]'' :'''Uniqua''': Supervillains, HALT! :'''Pablo''': ''[panting]'' It's okay… You win, superheroes. :'''Tyrone''': ''[panting]'' We're too tired… to climb the tower. You guys go ahead. :'''Austin''': Great! Now's our chance! :'''Pablo''': Now, Dr. Shrinky! :'''Tyrone''': Captain Hammer, SHRINK! ''[zaps his rays at Austin, shrinking him]'' :'''Uniqua''': Captain Hammer! :'''Austin''': ''[in high-pitched voice]'' Uh-oh. :'''Uniqua''': You shrunk Captain Hammer? :'''Austin''': I'm here! :'''Uniqua''': ''[picks him up]'' Are you okay? :'''Austin''': Yes, I'm fine. But the villains are going in the tower. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Uniqua''': Now what are we gonna do? :'''Austin''': We've got to stop them! :'''Uniqua''': What? :'''Austin''': We've got to stop them! :'''Uniqua''': ''[puts her hand to her ear]'' What?! :'''Austin''': I said, we've got to stop them! :'''Uniqua''': Oh. Yes, you're right. But they shrunk you. :'''Austin''': I know they did. But I'm ''still'' a brave superhero and we've got to stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Uniqua''': Not so fast, supervillains :'''Pablo & Tyrone''': ''[shocked]'' Weather Woman! :'''Austin''': You'll never get the key! :'''Pablo''': ''[puts his hand to his ear; confused]'' What? :'''Austin''': You'll never get the key! :'''Tyrone''': What? :'''Uniqua''': ''[annoyed]'' He said, you'll never get the key. :'''Pablo & Tyrone''': Oh. :'''Pablo''': Nonsense! You and your teensy, weensy friend can't defeat us now! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Uniqua''': We've got you now! :'''Austin''': The Key to the World is safe! :'''Uniqua''': We've saved the world from your evil plot. :'''Tyrone''': ''[in high-pitched voice]'' We're tiny. :'''Pablo''': ''[also in high-pitched voice]'' And gooey. :'''Austin''': What? :'''Uniqua''': We can't hear you. === ''Castaways'' [1.14] === :''[Uniqua, Tyrone, and Pablo are castaways on a deserted island, and as they struggle to find food and a place to live, they receive mysterious help. Could it be a mischievous intruder, or just a fellow castaway, maybe Austin, who's too shy to say hello to the others?]'' === ''Cave Party'' [1.15] === :''[The Mountain Cave People — Austin and Tasha — invite the Valley Cave People — Uniqua, Pablo, and Tyrone — to howl at the moon when it hits the highest peak. While the three Valley Cave People must get there on time, the two Mountain Cave People must fill their time, all with the help of handy new inventions.]'' :'''Uniqua''': Ugh! <hr width="50%"/> :''[The three Valley Cave People are climbing a hill and when they reach the top]'' :'''Pablo''': Whoa! I mean, ugh! That's a long way down. :'''Tyrone''': You know what we need? Something to help us get down this hill. :'''Uniqua''': Yeah, something we can ride on, and go fast. :'''Pablo''': Yeah. And it should be red. :'''Tyrone''': Ughxactly. So that's why I invented this. :'''Pablo''': Great invention. :'''Uniqua''': Awesome. :'''Pablo''': Great invention. :'''Uniqua''': Really cool! :'''Pablo''': What do you call it, the button? :'''Tyrone''': Nope. :'''Uniqua''': The rice cake? :'''Tyrone''': Nope, I call it the sled. :'''Uniqua, & Pablo''': Ugh! :'''Pablo''': Ughxcellent choice. :'''Uniqua''': Good name. :'''Uniqua, & Pablo''': The sled. :'''Tyrone''': Hop on. Now let's ugh. :'''All Three''': Ugh! :''[The three Valley Cave People ride the sled down the hill]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[The three Valley Cave People are climbing the stairs Uniqua invented up the mountain.]'' :'''Uniqua''': Next time... I'm gonna invent... the elevator. === ''High Tea'' [1.16] === :'''Tasha''': Come along! Don't dawdle! :'''Tyrone''': Okay! :'''Pablo''': We'll be right there! === ''Race Around the World'' [1.17] === <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pablo''': Help! Help! :'''Austin''': Did you hear somebody call for help? :'''Pablo''': Help! Help! Help! :'''Austin''': Pablo? Pablo! :'''Pablo''': Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! :'''Austin''': Pablo... :'''Pablo''': Help! Help, help, help! Help, help, help! :'''Austin''': Pablo! :'''Pablo''': Yeah? :'''Austin''': I think I can help. :'''Pablo''': Oh. How? :'''Austin''': I've got a rope. Grab on and I'll pull you up! :'''Pablo''': Got it! [grunts] :'''Pablo''': Phew, thanks, Austin! :'''Pablo''': No problem. <hr width="50%"/> === ''Polka Palace Party'' [1.18] === :''[Cowboys Tyrone, Uniqua, Pablo and Austin—united by a shared love of polka music—need to get to Cheyenne by sundown in order to play at a surprise birthday party for Sherman the Worman's brother Herman.]'' === ''Monster Detectives'' [1.19] === :'''Tyrone''': Hmm... interesting. Might be a case of missing soccerball. Let's investigate. :'''Pablo''': Soccer Monster gets the ball. He passes it outfield to... Soccer Monster! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tyrone''': This game's over! You've snitched your last ball, Soccer monster! By order of the monster detective agency, I order you to give it back to its rightful owner! Bleh. Here you go. == Season 2 == ===''Mission to Mars'' [2.01]=== ===''The Swamp Creature'' [2.07]=== ===''Best Clowns in Town'' [2.15]=== :'''Tyrone''': ''[furious]'' '''''CLOWNS!!!!!''''' ''[echoes]'' I am so mad! You made me miss my train! I have a circus to lead tonight in big city, but I won't be there because of... '''''CLOWNS!!!!!''''' ''[echoes]'' :'''Pablo''': Somebody call for clowns? :'''Uniqua''': Don't worry, Ringmaster Tyrone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pablo''': Let me guess. Clowns? :'''Tyrone''': Yep. '''''CLOWNS!!!!!''''' :''[Tyrone's scream echoes throughout the land, with the camera moves farther and farther away by the four]'' :'''Tyrone''': I give up. == Season 3 == == Season 4 == == Cast == * Kristi Baker (speaking) - Uniqua * Jake Goldberg (speaking) - Pablo * Christopher DeFaria (speaking) - Tyrone * Melanie Kohn (singing) - Tasha * [[w:Jonah Bobo|Jonah Bobo]] (speaking) - Austin == External links == {{wikipedia}} * [http://www.nick.com The Nickelodeon website.] {{DEFAULTSORT:Backyardigans, The}} [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:2010s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:American preschool education TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian preschool education TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Treehouse TV shows]] [[Category:Nick Jr. shows]] [[Category:Noggin shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:TV shows about deer and moose]] [[Category:TV shows about kangaroos and wallabies]] [[Category:TV shows about penguins]] 3s4cnbbvfq2wy293qc6f7ibsa2a7duu 3949374 3949373 2026-06-06T00:52:04Z ~2026-32327-69 3333493 /* Polka Palace Party [1.18] */ 3949374 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Backyardigans|The Backyardigans]]''''' is an American Canadian 3D-animated children's TV series, created by [[w:Janice Burgess|Janice Burgess]] and produced by [[w:Nelvana|Nelvana]]. Music for the show is written by [[w:Evan Lurie|Evan Lurie]], of [[w:The Lounge Lizards|The Lounge Lizards]], and Douglas Wieselman. The characters are designed by children's book author and illustrator [[w:Dan Yaccarino|Dan Yaccarino]]. The series premiered on October 11, 2004 on [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]]'s [[w:Nick Jr. (block)|Nick Jr.]] block in the [[w:United States|United States]] on the VHS/DVD. __TOC__ <!-- Replace the above line by __NOTOC__ if you want to create a custom table of contents and the following conditions hold: 1. The show is no longer active. 2. There is a large number of episodes (over 50). --> ==Season 1== ===''Knights are Brave and Strong'' [1.1]=== :'''Tasha''': Hello and good day to you. I'm Queen Tasha, the rule of everything. :''[Queen Tasha sends Uniqua the page on a mission to deliver a secret message to King Austin.]'' :'''Uniqua''': Oh, Queen, nothing can stop me from delivering this message. I hope. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pablo''': Stay away from my hood! :''[This is a reference to [[w:Gandalf|Gandalf's]] jungles "You shall not pass!"]'' ===''The Yeti'' [1.2]=== :''[Uniqua, Tyrone, and Tasha set out on a journey to the Frozen North to find the Yeti - Pablo.]'' :'''Tasha''': I'll race you to the other side. :'''Uniqua''': I'll beat you to the other side. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Uniqua''': Ready, set, go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Uniqua''': Come on. :'''Tasha''': Oh, for goodness sakes. === ''Pirate Treasure'' [1.3] === <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pablo''': ''[singing]'' What do you do with a scurvy pirate? :'''Tyrone''': ''[singing]'' Raid their ship and then hot-wire it. :'''Pablo''': ''[singing]'' What do you do with a scurvy pirate? :'''Tyrone and Pablo''': ''[singing]'' Make them walk the plank! :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' What do you do with a scurvy pirate? :'''Austin''': ''[singing]'' Load the cannon up and fire it. :'''Uniqua and Austin''': ''[singing]'' What do you do with a scurvy pirate? Make them walk the plank! :'''Tyrone''': ''[singing]'' We'll raid their scurvy pirate ship, and make them walk the plank! :'''Pablo''': ''[singing]'' We'll grab up all their treasure, :'''Tyrone and Pablo''': ''[singing]'' And put it in the bank! :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' What do you do with a scurvy pirate? :'''Austin''': ''[singing]'' Load the cannon up and fire it. :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' What do you do with a scurvy pirate? :'''Tyrone and Pablo''': ''[singing]'' Make them walk the plank! === ''The Heart of the Jungle'' [1.4] === :''[The three Tarzans (Pablo, Tyrone, and Austin) and Scientist Uniqua set off on a journey to the heart of the jungle to return Sherman the Wormin to his home.]'' :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' These trees look so familiar, we've been here once before. :'''Tyrone''': You're right except it wasn't once. :'''Pablo''': It was three times. :'''Austin''': Or four. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Austin comes to the large fern leaf, which has hit him in the head the past two times they've gone past. He ducks, and it misses.]'' :'''Austin''': Ugh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Austin''': Quicksand bad. === ''Secret Mission'' [1.5] === :''[Secret Agents Pablo, Uniqua, and Tyrone must return the mystery object to its rightful owner in the museum.]'' :'''Pablo''': Secret agents go on secret missions and we have background music. Sneaky background music: ''de de doo''. Danger background music: ''dum, dum, DUM.'' And if we goof up: ''Wahh wahh wahh.'' But no matter what happens, a secret agents always stays cool. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tyrone''': This certainly is a long short cut. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Uniqua''': ''[smiles]'' Spy rope time again! ''[shoots her rope upwards]'' '''Grab hold, agents! Going up!''' :''[Sooner as they were going up to where they started by the entrance, the dinosaur skull speaks to them]'' :'''Dinosaur skull''': ''[salutes the trio]'' '''Thanks for my toe!''' :'''All''': You're welcome! :'''Pablo''': ''[smiles]'' '''Just doing our job!''' :''[A few seconds later, Pablo, Uniqua and Tyrone arrive back at the museum entrance outside]'' :'''Pablo''': ''[to his fellow agents]'' Mission accomplished secret agents! '''Snacktime?''' :'''Tyrone''': ''[his belly growls]'' Snacktime! === ''Riding the Range'' [1.6] === :''[Tyrone heads to Texas for the hoedown, while Tasha, Uniqua, and Pablo track down a jump-rope thief - who is actually an unwary Tyrone.]'' :'''Uniqua''': The bandit must have jumped across on his horse. :'''Pablo''': Now that's one clever varmint. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tasha''': Bandit! Bandit! We got you, bandit! :'''Tyrone''': Whoa! They got the bandit cornered on the porch! What if he tries to get in here? I better sneak out the back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pablo''': See you later. :'''Tasha''': See you later. :'''Uniqua''': See you next time. :'''Tyrone''': See you. === ''The Key to the Nile'' [1.7] === :''[When the Nile River in ancient Egypt disappears, Princess CleoTasha takes her three servants out to find three presents for the Sphinx, so that she can tell them the secret of the Nile and get the river back.]'' :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' 'Please' and 'thank you', that's the secret of the Nile! :'''Pablo, Tyrone and Austin''': ''[singing]'' 'Please' and 'thank you' gets you practically anything you want with a smile! :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' Even princesses should try to be polite. 'Please' and 'thank you', they're just right, so don't be rude! :'''Tasha''': ''[singing]'' 'Please' and 'thank you' are not things I usually say, but since you insist, I'll start to say them much more often as of today. Who exactly should I say these phrases to? :'''Uniqua''': ''[singing]'' How 'bout those three guys who do the work for you? :'''Tasha''': ''[singing]'' Thank you guys for knowing where the special gifts were hid! :'''Pablo, Tyrone and Austin''': ''[singing]'' You're welcome! :'''Tasha''': ''[singing]'' And thank you guys for helping me find them like you did! :'''Pablo, Tyrone and Austin''': ''[singing]'' You're welcome! :'''Tasha''': ''[singing]'' And thank you guys for doing all that other servant work! :'''Pablo, Tyrone and Austin''': ''[singing]'' You're welcome! :'''Tasha''': ''[singing]'' And please forgive me if I acted kind of like a jerk. :'''Pablo, Tyrone and Austin''': ''[singing]'' That's okay. :'''Uniqua and Tasha''': ''[singing]'' 'Please' and 'thank you', that's the secret of the Nile, 'please' and 'thank you' get you... :'''Pablo, Tyrone and Austin''': ''[singing]'' Practically anything you want with a smile. :'''All''': Egypt's nice when we all try to be polite. Please' and 'thank you' are just right, 'you're welcome', too! === ''The Snow Fort'' [1.8] === :'''Uniqua and Tasha''': Ski patrol to the rescue! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mounties Tyrone and Pablo defend the world's biggest snowball while Ski Patrollers Uniqua and Tasha look for someone to save.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pablo, Tyrone, Uniqua, and Tasha scream]'' :'''Pablo and Tyrone''': Help! === ''It's Great to Be a Ghost!'' [1.9] === :''[Tyrone then leaned against the wall next to the suit of armor, suddenly. There was a mechanical noise and the wall turns around 180 degrees taking Tyrone and the suit of armor on the stand with it]'' :'''Tyrone''': Woooah! :''[Then it stopped with an echoing slam the other side of the wall shows a blue wall with a painting of a woman on it. Tyrone is now in a mysterious bedroom with blue wall paper. He gasped in shock, and he starts to walk and looks around the room trying to figure out where he is. He turns and walks backwards. He bumps into a sheet-covered mirror and gasped as he fell over and then the sheet lands on top of Tyrone. Tyrone gets up with a sheet on him, making him look like a ghost. Tyrone turns to the mirror]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[screaming]'' A ghost! HELP! HELP ME! ''[he starts running around]'' A ghost got me! Help! It's a ghost. ''[he stops and looks at the mirror again]'' Huh? Hey, wait a minute. ''[he flies up and down and see that the ghost does it too. He takes off the sheet and looks at the viewers]'' It's me! ''[he puts back on the sheet]'' I'M the spooky ghost! ''[he looks in the mirror and flies up again. He starts flying around]'' Woo-oooo-oooo... ''[laughs]'' BOO! ''[laughs louder]'' :'''Tasha''': ''[muffled, "offscreen"]'' Tyrone! Come out, come out wherever you are! :'''Tyrone''': ''[takes off the sheet again and whispers]'' I'm gonna scare them. :''[Cut to Tasha, Pablo and Uniqua making it upstairs]'' :'''Tasha''': ''[calls out to Tyrone]'' Scary or not, here I come! :''[The three were still looking for Tyrone when suddenly, the wall turned around again, and Tyrone comes out from behind it. Pablo and Uniqua's eyes widen in shock when they took notice of what came out from behind the wall]'' :'''Uniqua and Pablo''': ''[horrified gasps]'' :'''Tasha''': ''[puzzled]'' What? ''[turns around too late]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[lets out a big scare]'' BOO! :'''All''': ''[screaming in horror]'' :'''Tasha''': ''[terrified]'' IT'S A GHOST! ''[runs past Uniqua and Pablo]'' GET OUT OF MY WAY, IT'S A GHOST! :'''Tyrone''': ''[scaring Uniqua and Pablo]'' Boo! :''[Pablo and Uniqua scream in shock then hightail it to the stairs as Tyrone begins chasing them]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[in a spooky voice]'' '''I am a scary ghost and I'm haunting you!''' :''[Tasha, Pablo and Uniqua hid behind a couch and Tyrone floated by them, but it didn't take long for Tyrone to find them right away shivering in their shoulders]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[as Tasha sees him next to her]'' Boo! :''[The three scream in shock then make a break for it towards the staircase]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[giggles]'' :''[Tasha, Uniqua and Pablo try to run upstairs, but Tyrone made it up first]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[stands in front of them]'' Boo! :''[They all scream in terror and run back down]'' :'''Tyrone''': ''[giggles quietly]'' :'''Pablo''': ''[as he and Uniqua fled out the front doors]'' RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! :'''Tyrone''': ''[scares Tasha]'' BOO! :''[Tasha was really frightened now. She ran back up to the upper hallway and opened a door to a closet then closes it. Just as the closet door closed, Tyrone bumped into the door as he couldn't phase through things with the sheet on him and the white sheet flew off of Tyrone as he continually said 'Boo!', revealing his true form]'' :'''Tyrone''': Boo! ''[repeats as Tasha yelps]'' :''[Pablo and Uniqua floated back inside and they suddenly noticed something]'' :'''Pablo''': ''[realizing something]'' Hey, wait a minute, ''[sees that the ghost is really Tyrone]'' '''It's just Tyrone!''' === ''Viking Voyage'' [1.10] === :''[Vikings Pablo, Tyrone, and Uniqua seek to discover uncharted lands, though Mermaid Tasha has other ideas.]'' <hr width="50%"/> : === ''The Quest for the Flying Rock'' [1.11] === :''[Four explorers find a mysterious map for the legendary Flying Rock atop Stone Step Hill (really a pyramid), but upon a disagreement on what path to choose, Uniqua and Tasha compete with Pablo and Tyrone on a race filled with unknown obstacles.]'' :'''All''': ''[reciting the spell and singing]'' Oh rock, oh rock on hilltop high! === ''Surf's Up'' [1.12] === :''[Surfer Pablo is on the lookout for Tiki Beach to ride the perfect wave, but he can't find it. Little does Pablo know that he must learn a lot of radical moves before he can find that place and ride the perfect wave, and he will only do that with the help of other fellow surfers and a mysterious lifeguard, Austin.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Pablo''': Hey, lifeguard dude! Do you know where Tiki Beach is? :'''Austin''': You're looking for Tiki Beach? :'''Pablo''': Totally. I wanna surf the perfect wave. :'''Austin''': Well, you gotta have rad moves to surf Tiki Beach. :'''Pablo''': ''[to the viewers]'' I guess lifeguards like to call everybody dude, too. ''[back to Austin]''No problemo, dude. Check this out! ''[does the monkey move]'' :'''Austin''': Dude, that's the monkey. Anybody can do the monkey. That's not a radical move. :'''Pablo''': Oh. Well, how about this? ''[does the twist move]'' :'''Austin''': That's just the twist. That's not a rad move either. :'''Pablo''': Oh. Hmm… Well, not everybody can do this! ''[does the triple whip]'' :'''Austin''': The triple whip, huh? Now ''that's'' a rad move. :'''Pablo''': Totally! :'''Austin''': What else can you do? :'''Pablo''': Uh, well, that's the only rad move I know. :'''Austin''': You need ''all'' rad moves to surf Tiki Beach. Not just one. :'''Pablo''': Bummer. But I still wanna find Tiki Beach. :'''Austin''': Well, it could be up north, or it could be down south… :'''Pablo''': This lifeguard's being kind of mysterious. So which way should I go, dude? :'''Austin''': Hmm, try that way. ''[points to the right]'' Look for the tall trees. :'''Pablo''': Tall trees. Okay, thanks, dude! Later! ''[walks to his dune buggy and drives away]'' :'''Austin''': ''[to the viewers]'' Actually, Tiki Beach ''isn't'' that way. I tricked him. I couldn't tell him where it really is. Because he just doesn't have the moves yet. He's got a lot to learn before he can surf Tiki Beach. === ''Race to the Tower of Power'' [1.13] === :''[Two wicked supervillains, Dr. Shrinky (Tyrone) and Yucky-Man (Pablo) are intent on stealing the Key to the World, which lies inside the Tower of Power, and taking over the world.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Austin''': Where do you think you're going? :'''Pablo''': Uh… to the Tower of Power so we can rule the world? :'''Uniqua''': Oh, no, you don't. We'll catch you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Austin''': How are we gonna catch those supervillains? :'''Uniqua''': Hmm… ''[gets an idea]'' I know! Build us a boat, Captain Hammer. :'''Austin''': ''[baffled]'' A boat? What good will that do on the ice? :'''Uniqua''': There's no time to explain. Trust me. :'''Austin''': Well, okay. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pablo''': ''[pacing back and forth while freaking out]'' No, oh, no! They're getting ahead of us! We're going backward, they're going forward… :'''Tyrone''': Pablo? :'''Pablo''': Yup. They're gonna get there first. What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? :'''Tyrone''': PABLO! :'''Pablo''': Yeah? :'''Tyrone''': There's only one thing we ''can'' do! :'''Pablo''': What's that? :'''Tyrone''': Think! <hr width="50%"/> :''[The supervillains run up to the entrance of the tower]'' :'''Pablo''': We made to the tower! Now we just need to get to the top and grab the key. :'''Tyrone''': ''[sees the superheroes coming]'' But here come the superheroes. What will we do? :'''Pablo''': I know! We'll fake 'em out! Let's pretend to be tired and then, when they fall for our trick, we'll get 'em! :'''Supervillains''': WA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA! :'''Pablo''': Here they come! :''[They start pretending to catch their breath as the heroes run up to them]'' :'''Uniqua''': Supervillains, HALT! :'''Pablo''': ''[panting]'' It's okay… You win, superheroes. :'''Tyrone''': ''[panting]'' We're too tired… to climb the tower. You guys go ahead. :'''Austin''': Great! Now's our chance! :'''Pablo''': Now, Dr. Shrinky! :'''Tyrone''': Captain Hammer, SHRINK! ''[zaps his rays at Austin, shrinking him]'' :'''Uniqua''': Captain Hammer! :'''Austin''': ''[in high-pitched voice]'' Uh-oh. :'''Uniqua''': You shrunk Captain Hammer? :'''Austin''': I'm here! :'''Uniqua''': ''[picks him up]'' Are you okay? :'''Austin''': Yes, I'm fine. But the villains are going in the tower. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Uniqua''': Now what are we gonna do? :'''Austin''': We've got to stop them! :'''Uniqua''': What? :'''Austin''': We've got to stop them! :'''Uniqua''': ''[puts her hand to her ear]'' What?! :'''Austin''': I said, we've got to stop them! :'''Uniqua''': Oh. Yes, you're right. But they shrunk you. :'''Austin''': I know they did. But I'm ''still'' a brave superhero and we've got to stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Uniqua''': Not so fast, supervillains :'''Pablo & Tyrone''': ''[shocked]'' Weather Woman! :'''Austin''': You'll never get the key! :'''Pablo''': ''[puts his hand to his ear; confused]'' What? :'''Austin''': You'll never get the key! :'''Tyrone''': What? :'''Uniqua''': ''[annoyed]'' He said, you'll never get the key. :'''Pablo & Tyrone''': Oh. :'''Pablo''': Nonsense! You and your teensy, weensy friend can't defeat us now! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Uniqua''': We've got you now! :'''Austin''': The Key to the World is safe! :'''Uniqua''': We've saved the world from your evil plot. :'''Tyrone''': ''[in high-pitched voice]'' We're tiny. :'''Pablo''': ''[also in high-pitched voice]'' And gooey. :'''Austin''': What? :'''Uniqua''': We can't hear you. === ''Castaways'' [1.14] === :''[Uniqua, Tyrone, and Pablo are castaways on a deserted island, and as they struggle to find food and a place to live, they receive mysterious help. Could it be a mischievous intruder, or just a fellow castaway, maybe Austin, who's too shy to say hello to the others?]'' === ''Cave Party'' [1.15] === :''[The Mountain Cave People — Austin and Tasha — invite the Valley Cave People — Uniqua, Pablo, and Tyrone — to howl at the moon when it hits the highest peak. While the three Valley Cave People must get there on time, the two Mountain Cave People must fill their time, all with the help of handy new inventions.]'' :'''Uniqua''': Ugh! <hr width="50%"/> :''[The three Valley Cave People are climbing a hill and when they reach the top]'' :'''Pablo''': Whoa! I mean, ugh! That's a long way down. :'''Tyrone''': You know what we need? Something to help us get down this hill. :'''Uniqua''': Yeah, something we can ride on, and go fast. :'''Pablo''': Yeah. And it should be red. :'''Tyrone''': Ughxactly. So that's why I invented this. :'''Pablo''': Great invention. :'''Uniqua''': Awesome. :'''Pablo''': Great invention. :'''Uniqua''': Really cool! :'''Pablo''': What do you call it, the button? :'''Tyrone''': Nope. :'''Uniqua''': The rice cake? :'''Tyrone''': Nope, I call it the sled. :'''Uniqua, & Pablo''': Ugh! :'''Pablo''': Ughxcellent choice. :'''Uniqua''': Good name. :'''Uniqua, & Pablo''': The sled. :'''Tyrone''': Hop on. Now let's ugh. :'''All Three''': Ugh! :''[The three Valley Cave People ride the sled down the hill]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[The three Valley Cave People are climbing the stairs Uniqua invented up the mountain.]'' :'''Uniqua''': Next time... I'm gonna invent... the elevator. === ''High Tea'' [1.16] === :'''Tasha''': Come along! Don't dawdle! :'''Tyrone''': Okay! :'''Pablo''': We'll be right there! === ''Race Around the World'' [1.17] === <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pablo''': Help! Help! :'''Austin''': Did you hear somebody call for help? :'''Pablo''': Help! Help! Help! :'''Austin''': Pablo? Pablo! :'''Pablo''': Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! :'''Austin''': Pablo... :'''Pablo''': Help! Help, help, help! Help, help, help! :'''Austin''': Pablo! :'''Pablo''': Yeah? :'''Austin''': I think I can help. :'''Pablo''': Oh. How? :'''Austin''': I've got a rope. Grab on and I'll pull you up! :'''Pablo''': Got it! [grunts] :'''Pablo''': Phew, thanks, Austin! :'''Pablo''': No problem. <hr width="50%"/> === ''Polka Palace Party'' [1.18] === :'''Tyrone''': Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Howdy! It's me, Cowboy Tyrone, And this is my tuba. Listen to this... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Cowboys Tyrone, Uniqua, Pablo and Austin—united by a shared love of polka music—need to get to Cheyenne by sundown in order to play at a surprise birthday party for Sherman the Worman's brother Herman.]'' === ''Monster Detectives'' [1.19] === :'''Tyrone''': Hmm... interesting. Might be a case of missing soccerball. Let's investigate. :'''Pablo''': Soccer Monster gets the ball. He passes it outfield to... Soccer Monster! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tyrone''': This game's over! You've snitched your last ball, Soccer monster! By order of the monster detective agency, I order you to give it back to its rightful owner! Bleh. Here you go. == Season 2 == ===''Mission to Mars'' [2.01]=== ===''The Swamp Creature'' [2.07]=== ===''Best Clowns in Town'' [2.15]=== :'''Tyrone''': ''[furious]'' '''''CLOWNS!!!!!''''' ''[echoes]'' I am so mad! You made me miss my train! I have a circus to lead tonight in big city, but I won't be there because of... '''''CLOWNS!!!!!''''' ''[echoes]'' :'''Pablo''': Somebody call for clowns? :'''Uniqua''': Don't worry, Ringmaster Tyrone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pablo''': Let me guess. Clowns? :'''Tyrone''': Yep. '''''CLOWNS!!!!!''''' :''[Tyrone's scream echoes throughout the land, with the camera moves farther and farther away by the four]'' :'''Tyrone''': I give up. == Season 3 == == Season 4 == == Cast == * Kristi Baker (speaking) - Uniqua * Jake Goldberg (speaking) - Pablo * Christopher DeFaria (speaking) - Tyrone * Melanie Kohn (singing) - Tasha * [[w:Jonah Bobo|Jonah Bobo]] (speaking) - Austin == External links == {{wikipedia}} * [http://www.nick.com The Nickelodeon website.] {{DEFAULTSORT:Backyardigans, The}} [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:2010s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:American preschool education TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian preschool education TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Treehouse TV shows]] [[Category:Nick Jr. shows]] [[Category:Noggin shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:TV shows about deer and moose]] [[Category:TV shows about kangaroos and wallabies]] [[Category:TV shows about penguins]] tcv9gpb1tmizpqyersoi9jw5taybxqn 0 91910 3949162 3925997 2026-06-05T12:24:34Z UDScott 4304 3949162 wikitext text/x-wiki {{for|other films in this series|Alien (franchise)}} [[File:Alien_3_movie_logo2.svg|thumb|The bitch is back.]] {{italic title}}'''''[[w:Alien 3|Alien³]]''''' is a [[1992]] [[science fiction]]/horror film, in which Ripley continues to be stalked by a savage alien, after her escape pod crashes on a prison planet. As the third installment in the ''[[w:Alien (film series)|Alien]]'' media franchise, it is preceded by [[w:Ridley Scott|Ridley Scott]]'s ''[[w:Alien (film)|Alien]]'' and [[w:James Cameron|James Cameron]]'s ''[[w:Aliens (film)|Aliens]]'' and is followed by [[w:Jean-Pierre Jeunet|Jean-Pierre Jeunet]]'s ''[[w:Alien Resurrection|Alien Resurrection]]''. :''Directed by [[w:David Fincher|David Fincher]]. Written by [[w:David Giler|David Giler]] and [[w:Walter Hill (filmmaker)|Walter Hill]]. Story by Larry Ferguson.'' {{center/s}}'''The bitch is back.'''<small>[[#taglines|Taglines]]</small>{{center/e}} ==Ellen Ripley== *I will be damned if I'm going to let those idiots from Weyland-Yutani take it back to Earth. They just might succeed, and that would be it for the rest of mankind. Maybe for all life on the planet. I don't see why these things wouldn't be able to reproduce in any animal of a size larger than, say, a cat. **[https://books.google.ca/books?id=vFs4CgAAQBAJ 2014 novelization by Alan Dean Foster] == Dillon == * We give you thanks, O' Lord. Your wrath has come and the time is near for us to be judged. The apocalypse is upon us! Let us be ready! Let your mercy be just! ''Amen''! == Dr. Jonathan Clemens == [[File:UPC-A-036000291452.svg|thumb|After my student years, despite the fact that I had become secretly addicted to morphine, I was considered to be most promising. A man with a future. Then during my first residency, I did a thirty-six hour stretch on an ER. So I went out and I got more than a little drunk. Then I got called back. Boiler had blown on a fuel plant, and there were thirty casualties... and eleven of them died. Not as a result of the accident, but because I prescribed the wrong dosage of painkiller. And I got seven years in prison and my licence reduced to a 3C. ''[pause]'' At least I got off the morphine.]] *''[explaining his prison barcode tattoo, to Ripley]'' After my student years, despite the fact that I had become secretly addicted to morphine, I was considered to be most promising. A man with a future. Then during my first residency, I did a thirty-six hour stretch on an ER. So I went out and I got more than a little drunk. Then I got called back. Boiler had blown on a fuel plant, and there were thirty casualties... and eleven of them died. Not as a result of the accident, but because I prescribed the wrong dosage of painkiller. And I got seven years in prison and my licence reduced to a 3C. ''[pause]'' At least I got off the morphine. == Dialogue == [[File:Shukhov_tower_shabolovka_moscow_02.jpg|thumb|Why? Why are the innocent punished? Why the sacrifice? Why the pain? There aren't any promises. Nothing's certain. Only that some get called, some get saved. She won't ever know the hardship and grief for those of us left behind. We commit these bodies to the void... with a glad heart. For within each seed, there is the promise of a flower. And within each death, no matter how big or small, there's always a new life. A new beginning. ''Amen''.]] [''Note: Bolded lines are from the Assembly Cut only.''] :'''Andrews''': We commit this child and this man to your keeping, O' Lord. Their bodies have been taken from the shadow of our nights. They have been released from all darkness and pain. The child and the man have gone beyond our world. They are forever eternal, and everlasting. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. :'''Dillon''': Why? Why are the innocent punished? Why the sacrifice? Why the pain? There aren't any promises. Nothing's certain. Only that some get called, some get saved. She won't ever know the hardship and grief for those of us left behind. We commit these bodies to the void... with a glad heart. For within each seed, there is the promise of a flower. And within each death, no matter how big or small, there's always a new life. A new beginning. ''Amen''. <hr width=50%> [[File:Steel-roof-of-Novoryzansky-Garage.jpg|thumb|Give us strength, O' Lord, to endure. We recognize that we are poor sinners in the hands of an angry God. Let the circle be unbroken until the day. ''Amen''. What the f*** is happening here? What the f**k is this bullsh*t that's coming down? We got a murder. We got a rape. We got brothers in trouble. I DON'T WANT NO MORE BULLSH*T AROUND HERE!! NOW WE'VE GOT PROBLEMS!! WE STAND TOGETHER!!]] :'''Dillon''': '''Give us strength, O' Lord, to endure. We recognize that we are poor sinners in the hands of an angry God. Let the circle be unbroken until the day. ''Amen''. What the fuck is happening here? What the fuck is this bullshit that's coming down? We got a murder. We got a rape. We got brothers in trouble. I DON'T WANT NO MORE BULLSHIT AROUND HERE!! NOW WE'VE GOT PROBLEMS!! WE STAND TOGETHER!!''' :'''Andrews''': '''Yes. Thank you, Mr. Dillon. All right.''' Once again, this is rumor control. Here are the facts. At 0800 hours, prisoner Murphy, through carelessness on his part, was found dead in vent shaft 17. He ''seems'' to have been sucked into a ventilator fan. At about 2100 hours, prisoner Golic reappeared in a deranged state. Prisoners Boggs and Rains are missing. There seems to be a good chance that they have met with foul play at the hands of prisoner Golic. We need to organize and send out a search party; volunteers will be appreciated. I think it's fair to say that our smoothly running facility has suddenly developed a few problems. I can only hope we are all able to pull together over the next few days until the rescue team arrives for Lieutenant Ripley. :'''Ripley''': ''[runs into the room, breathless and panicking]'' It's here! It got Clemens! :'''Andrews''': ''[loses his temper]'' Stop this raving at once! Stop it! :'''Ripley''': I'm telling you! It's here! :'''Andrews''': Aaron, get that foolish woman back to the infirmary! :''[the alien lunges down from an overhead airduct and lifts Andrews off his feet, and into the airshaft]'' :'''Morse''': ''[holding a chair, after the panic subsides in shocked silence]'' ...''FUCK!'' <hr width=50%> :'''Ripley''': It's like a lion. Sticks close to the zebras. :'''Aaron''': Zebras? Oh, right. But look, running around down here in the dark - are you kidding? Once you get out of this main shaft, there's no overheads. :'''Ripley''': Don't we have flashlights? :'''Aaron''': We've got thousands of them, but no batteries. I told you, nothing works. :'''Ripley''': Torches? Do we have the capacity to make fire? Most humans have enjoyed that privilege since the Stone Age. :'''Aaron''': No need to be sarcastic. <hr width=50%> :'''Aaron''': ''[showing Ripley a nuclear waste storage room]'' Never been used. They were gonna dump a lot of nuclear crap in there. Never got around to it. Clean as a whistle inside. :'''Ripley''': This is the only way in or out? :'''Aaron''': That's right. Walls are six feet thick, solid steel. They really knew how to build these babies. :'''Ripley''': You're saying we get something inside... there's no way it can get out? :'''Aaron:''' That's right. ''No fucking way.'' <hr width=50%> :'''Aaron''': This is where we keep it. Forget what the stuff's called... :'''David''': Quinitricetyline. :'''Aaron''': I knew that. Right, I've got to get these section arrangements organized with Dillon for the paintbrush, so... :'''David''': David. :'''Aaron''': Yeah, you can get these drums organized. :'''David''': Right, 85. :'''Aaron''': ''[starts walking away]'' And, uh... don't call me that. ''[leaves]'' :'''Ripley''': What's this 85 thing? :'''David''': Couple of us sneaked a look at his personnel file the day he arrived. It's his IQ. ''[about the chemicals]'' I saw a drum of this stuff fall into a beachhead bunker once. The blast put a tug in dry dock for 17 weeks. ''Great stuff''. <hr width=50%> [[File:Toronto_Rolling_Mills.jpg|thumb|Your ass is already on the line. The only question is... what are you gonna do about it?]] :'''Dillon''': Why should I put my ass on the line for you? :'''Ripley''': Your ass is already on the line. The only question is... what are you gonna do about it? <hr width=50%> [[File:Adolph_Menzel_-_Eisenwalzwerk_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg|thumb|When they first heard about this thing, it was ''crew expendable''. The next time they sent in marines; they were expendable too. What makes you think they're gonna care about a bunch of lifers who found God at the ass-end of space? You really think they're going to let ''you'' interfere with their plans for this thing? They think we're crud, and they don't give a ''fuck'' about one friend of yours that's died. Not one.]] :'''Dillon''': '''This is the choice. You die sitting here on your ass or to die out there. At least we take a shot, we owe it one! It's fucked us up. Maybe we can get even for the others. So how do you want it?''' :'''Morse''': '''What the fuck are you talking about?''' :'''Dillon''': '''I'm talkin' about killing that big motherfucker.''' :'''Aaron''': '''Hold it, hold it. The rescue team is on its way. We could just sit this out.''' :'''Ripley''': '''Rescue team for who?''' :'''Aaron''': '''For us.''' :'''Ripley''': '''They just want the beast. You know that.''' :'''Aaron''': '''I don't give a damn what they want. They're not gonna pick us off one by one, are they?''' :'''Ripley''': '''I wouldn't be so sure.''' :''' Aaron''': '''Come on, they're gonna take us home.''' :'''Dillon''': '''They're not gonna take ''us'' home.''' :'''Morse''': Still doesn't mean we should go out and fight it. Jesus Christ, give us a break! :'''Aaron''': You've gotta be fucking nuts! Look, I've got a wife and a kid-- :'''Dillon''': Nobody give a shit about you, 85. You're not one of us, you're not a believer. You're a fucking company man! :'''Aaron''': Yeah, okay. So I'm a company man, I'm not a fucking criminal. You keep telling me how dumb I am. Well I'm smart enough not to have a life sentence on this rock! ''[the prisoners yell insults and profanities at him]'' Yeah, and I'm smart enough to wait for some firepower to show up before we fight this thing! Right? :'''Dillon''': Okay, fine. Just sit here on your asses. :'''Morse''': ''[sarcastically]'' How about if I sit here on ''my'' ass? :'''Dillon''': No problem. Oh, I forgot. You're the guy that's made a deal with God to live forever, huh? And all the rest of you pussies can sit it out too. Me and her will do all the fighting. :'''Morse''': Okay, look. I want the same thing as you. I want to see it dead, I hate the fucker! It killed my mates too! Why can't we just wait for the company and have some guns on our side? Why do we have to go on some fucking suicide run?! :'''Aaron''': Right! :'''Ripley''': ''Because they won't kill it.'' They might kill ''you'' just for having seen it, but they're not gonna kill it. :'''Aaron''': That is crazy! That is horseshit! ''They will not kill us!'' :'''Ripley''': When they first heard about this thing, it was ''crew expendable''. The next time they sent in marines; they were expendable too. What makes you think they're gonna care about a bunch of lifers who found God at the ass-end of space? You really think they're going to let ''you'' interfere with their plans for this thing? They think we're crud, and they don't give a ''fuck'' about one friend of yours that's died. Not one. <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Fra_Burmeister_og_Wains_jernst%C3%B8beri.jpg|thumb|We're all gonna die. '''The only question is when. This is as good a place as any to take your first steps to heaven.''' The only question is how you check out. Do you want it on your feet, or on your fucking knees... ''begging?!'' I ain't much for begging! Nobody ever gave me nothing! So I say ''fuck'' that thing! Let's fight it!]] :'''David''': Have you got some sort of plan? :'''Dillon''': This is a leadworks, isn't it? All we got to do is lure the fucking beast into the mold. Drown it in hot lead. :'''Morse''': Oh right... and how do we do that? :'''Gregor''': Yeah. What are we gonna use for bait? :'''Kevin''': ''[realizes]'' Aw, fuck! :'''Dillon''': We're all gonna die. '''The only question is when. This is as good a place as any to take your first steps to heaven.''' The only question is how you check out. Do you want it on your feet, or on your fucking knees... ''begging?!'' I ain't much for begging! Nobody ever gave me nothing! So I say ''fuck'' that thing! Let's fight it! :'''Morse''': Fuck it! Let's go for it! <hr width=50%> :''[Ripley and Dillon have trapped the alien in the lead mold while Morse starts the machine]'' :'''Ripley''': Now! :'''Dillon''': What about you? :'''Ripley''': I'm staying. :'''Dillon''': Bullshit! There's gonna be ten tons of hot lead in here! :'''Ripley''': I'm telling you, I wanna die! :'''Dillon''': We got a deal, remember?! It dies first, then you! I'm not gonna move without you! Now get going! :''[Dillon and Ripley begin climbing up the wall. The alien sees this and begins to follow. Dillon climbs back down]'' :'''Ripley''': Dillon! :'''Dillon''': I've gotta hold it here. :'''Ripley''': What about me? :'''Dillon''': God will take care of you now, sister! :'''Ripley''': No! :'''Dillon''': Pour the lead! ''[he takes off his glasses and turns to the alien]'' ''Fuck'' you. ''[the alien attacks him]'' Pour it, Ripley! Go on! Goddamn it! Pour the lead, Ripley! Pour it now! ''[to the alien]'' Come on! Come on! That's all you got? Is that as hard as you fight, motherfucker?! :'''Ripley''': ''[waves to Morse]'' Morse! Over here! :'''Morse''': Ripley! :'''Ripley''': Pour the lead! Pour the lead! ''[Morse positions the machine over the pit]'' Pour it! :''[Dillon and the alien are drowned in molten lead]'' <hr width=50%> [[File:Gussmetallschmelze.jpg|thumb|You still can have a life. Children. And most important, you'll know it's dead. Let me help you.]] [[File:Fotothek df n-08 0000320.jpg|thumb|'''I'M NOT A DROID!!''' Ripley, think of all we can learn from it! It's the chance of a lifetime! You ''must'' let me have it! It's a magnificent specimen!]] :''[after killing the alien]'' :'''Ripley''': Don't come any closer! :'''Aaron''': Wait. They're here to help... :'''Ripley''': Stay where you are! :'''Bishop II''': ''[removes his sunglasses and steps forward]'' Ripley. :'''Ripley''': Bishop? :'''Bishop II''': I'm here to help you. :'''Ripley''': No more bullshit. I just felt it move. :'''Bishop II''': Do you know who I am? :'''Ripley''': You're a droid, same model as Bishop. Sent by the fucking company. :'''Bishop II''': No. I'm not the Bishop Android. I designed it. I'm very human. The company sent me here to show you a friendly face, to demonstrate how important you are to us... to me. :'''Ripley''': You just wanna take it back. :'''Bishop II''': We want to kill it and take you home. :'''Ripley''': Bullshit. :'''Bishop II''': You're wrong. We want to help. :'''Ripley''': What does that mean? :'''Bishop II''': We're going to take that out of you... :'''Ripley''': ...and keep it. :'''Bishop II''': We can't allow it to live. Everything we know would be in jeopardy. :'''Ripley''': You don't wanna take it back? :'''Bishop II''': Ripley, time is important. '''Let us deal with the malignancy.''' We've got a surgical base set up on the rescue ship. Come with me. :'''Medic''': '''It's very quick. Painless. A couple of incisions... you'll be out for two hours.''' :'''Bishop II''': '''And then it's over.''' You still can have a life. Children. And most important, you'll know it's dead. Let me help you. :'''Ripley''': What guarantee do I have, once you've taken it out... that you'll destroy it? :'''Bishop II''': You have to trust me. ''[approaches her]'' Please? Trust me? :''[a short pause]'' :'''Ripley:''' ''No.'' ''[slams gate, then begins to position the machine away from the group]'' :'''Bishop II''': What's this going to achieve? ''[a soldier shoots Morse in the leg]'' STOP! :'''Morse''': AHHH! Oh, Jesus! :'''Ripley''': Morse, will you help me? :'''Morse''': What do you want me to do? :'''Bishop II''': It was a mistake! There was no need for any of it! :'''Aaron''': ''[picks up a large wrench, then hits Bishop II over the head with it]'' Fucking android! :''[a soldier shoves Aaron back, and another shoots him to death]'' :'''Bishop II''': '''I'M NOT A DROID!!''' :''[At Ripley's direction, Morse mans the controls and maneuvers the walkway over one of the furnaces.]'' :'''Bishop II''': Ripley, think of all we can learn from it! It's the chance of a lifetime! You ''must'' let me have it! It's a magnificent specimen! ''[to cameraman]'' '''No pictures!''' :''[after a long pause, Ripley makes her decision, looking into the furnace]'' :'''Ripley''': '''You're crazy.''' :'''Bishop II''': What are you doing? :''[Ripley holds her breath, then falls from the platform into the furnace]'' :'''Bishop II''': ''NOOOOOOOOO!'' ''[as Ripley falls into the furnace below, a queen Chestburster pops out, but Ripley holds her captive and both of them get engulfed in the furnace]'' == Taglines == [[File:Gray112.png|thumb|This time it's hiding in the most terrifying place of all...]] * The Bitch Is Back * This time it's hiding in the most terrifying place of all... * Our worst fears have come true. It's back! * Three times the suspense. Three times the danger. Three times the terror. == About ''Alien 3'' == [[File:Cadaver_dissection_table_-_long_shot.jpg|thumb|I saw the rough cut of the film, uncut, and there were some scenes in there that were pretty gross. There was an autopsy scene on the girl [Newt] and I like certain gore in the films. I do it [professionally], and it made me sick. It really grossed me out and I remember people got up and left, walked out of the theatre and I was just thinking, 'This will never be in the film. They can't show this stuff.' It was just too much I thought. And when the film came out, it wasn't in the film. ~ Greg Cannom]] [[File:Moby_Dick_final_chase.jpg|thumb|[N]ow comes "Alien 3 " - as unnecessary a sequel to a major movie as we've seen in some time. First-time director David Fincher and four writers have created another horror movie, attempting existential overtones as they make the alien in this film Ripley's "[[Moby Dick]]." ~ Deseret News]] [[File:Candle_(Slava_celebration).jpg|thumb|Ironically, "Alien " is not a bad movie. In fact -- here's the rub -- it's too interesting to make an exciting summer flick. At the core is a promising tale written by Australian filmmaker [[w:Vincent Ward|Vincent Ward]], who made "[[w:The Navigator: An Odyssey Across Time|The Navigator: An Odyssey Across Time]]," an often brilliant, time-hopping saga about medieval men journeying into the 20th century. <br> His "Alien " is woven out of the same classic sci-fi yarn. The [[prison]] is a [[Middle Ages]]-type institution, with gaunt-faced, monastic characters in robes walking through dark, twisting corridors bearing [[candles]]. ~ Desson Howe]] [[File:Casa_del_poeta_tragico,_mosaico_del_cave_canem.jpg|thumb|Which is not to say that the film doesn't have some merits. I did find the quasi-religious undertones of Fury's inhabitants compelling. And the concept of the alien creature taking on some of the physical characteristics of its host (in this case a dog) was intriguing. But again, the film stumbles over another major shortcoming, which is that the creature effects are just, well... bad. ~ Bill Hunt]] * In the original ''Alien,'' Weaver played a young lieutenant on an industrial spaceship, who sheds her naivete to display a bold brain and steely core that leaves her the only survivor of the crew`s first encounter with the alien. <br> Waking up after spending 57 years in hypersleep, adrift in an escape pod, the Ripley of the ''Aliens'' sequel is made of even tougher stuff. Cynical, smart and very fit, she manages to make most of the men on board seem like posturing wimps, but still displays a tenderly fierce maternal impulse toward Newt, a little girl orphaned by the alien. <br> ''In the second film, we left her with sort of everything ahead of her. She`d found this daughter and she had, perhaps, a fellow, maybe. And I think there was, at least on my part, an expectation that maybe she`d be able to lead a normal life. But, life not being fair, she doesn`t get to pursue that dream,'' says Weaver. ** Lisa Anderson and Chicago Tribune, [https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-1992-05-17-9202140311-story.html “SIGOURNEY WEAVER`S CLOSE SHAVE”], ''Chicago Tribune'', May 16, 1992 * The maternal storyline hits a dead end in ''Alien 3,'' which, Weaver says approvingly, is much closer to the spirit and flavor of the first film. <br> She credits director David Fincher with that. ''Well, he`s amazing. He`s completely uncompromising,'' she says, while admitting that, ''I was sort of the last person to jump on the Fincher bandwagon. <br> ''I was just a little wary because I wanted very much to break new ground with Ripley. You know, you never know with these sorts of geniuses where their attention is going to go,'' she says, carefully. ''But, Fincher, particularly, I think, blew us all away by being such a committed actors` director and so patient. And I think we did break new ground with Ripley. <br> ''I feel very complete about her. I think she`s more vulnerable. I think she is truly alone. It`s very interesting to play a character who is truly alone, especially a woman, because women are always seen in relation to men or to other woman. It was a very-not to put our audience off-but it was a very existential situation in many ways.'' ** Lisa Anderson and Chicago Tribune, [https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-1992-05-17-9202140311-story.html “SIGOURNEY WEAVER`S CLOSE SHAVE”], ''Chicago Tribune'', (May 16, 1992) * In ''Alien 3,'' Weaver landed in a movie with a history as acidically sticky as anything excreted by the alien itself. In the five-odd years since its conception, the film devoured some seven writers and three directors and so trampled its shooting schedule and estimated $50 million budget that Twentieth Century Fox halted production a year ago. Less than a month before its scheduled release, in fact, the movie`s actual ending remained in doubt. <br> Audience reaction, in sneak previews, Weaver says, was ''ambivalent.'' <br> For ''emotional reasons, we felt we needed to give the audience one more thing to enhance the ending.'' <br> The missing ingredient turned out to be six more seconds, drawn from the original script and shot at a price estimated at $500,000. The original ending is still there, says Weaver, but now, ''There`s like a period on it.'' <br> There was never any doubt, however, about Ripley`s fate, according to Weaver. ''This is Ripley`s last one,'' she says firmly. <br> ''There`s only so much bad luck that a person can have. For her to continue to wake up and confront the alien and resolve the situation, then go back to sleep and wake up to yet another situation-to me, it`s a burden on the whole science-fiction premise of the alien.'' ** Lisa Anderson and Chicago Tribune, [https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-1992-05-17-9202140311-story.html “SIGOURNEY WEAVER`S CLOSE SHAVE”], ''Chicago Tribune'', (May 16, 1992) * I hated what they did... I couldn't stand 'Alien 3' - how they could just go in there and kill off all these great characters we introduced in [[Aliens]], and the correlation between mother and daughter? It stunk. ** [[James Cameron]] [http://movieweb.com/james-cameron-talks-about-t3-and-aliens-5/ "James Cameron Talks About T3 and Aliens 5"], by Brian B., ''MovieWeb'', (07/07/2003). * I saw the rough cut of the film, uncut, and there were some scenes in there that were pretty gross. There was an autopsy scene on the girl [Newt] and I like certain gore in the films. I do it [professionally], and it made me sick. It really grossed me out and I remember people got up and left, walked out of the theatre and I was just thinking, 'This will never be in the film. They can't show this stuff.' It was just too much I thought. And when the film came out, it wasn't in the film. ** Greg Cannom, ''Alien Quadrilogy: Special Features'', (2003). * "Look, it wasn't a nightmare, despite what you may have read or heard elsewhere. But it certainly wasn't an easy shoot. What was on the screen was quite removed from what was in the script. But, with that said, I don't regret that I was a part of it. I mean, I knew going into 'Alien 3' that this was a big franchise picture – and there are a lot of cooks in the kitchen on these things." ** Charles Dance in [https://www.gamesradar.com/what-really-happened-doom-alien-3-development/ “"It certainly wasn't an easy shoot": The story of Alien 3's tortured gestation, as told by its cast and creators”], by Darren Scott, ''Games Radar'', Contributions from SFX Staff published August 13, 2015 * Nevertheless, at least one thing was evident as shooting on Alien 3 got underway – this was not going to be the sort of special effects laden supernova that Aliens had been. “I was pleased with that actually,” admits Dance. “I didn’t go back and watch the other two films before Alien 3 – however, I did see Alien when it first came out and I remembered it fondly. On the other hand, I didn’t think Aliens was very good. To me, it was not a very good story – it was just a lot of people firing guns all over the place. What got me excited about the third film was that they toned that down. But what ended up on the screen was a different animal than what was on the page.” ** Charles Dance in [https://www.gamesradar.com/what-really-happened-doom-alien-3-development/ “"It certainly wasn't an easy shoot": The story of Alien 3's tortured gestation, as told by its cast and creators”], by Darren Scott, ''Games Radar'', Contributions from SFX Staff published August 13, 2015 * The film was critically panned upon its release, but has since gained a cult following. “I think Alien 3 was a better film than Aliens, to be frank,” says Dance. <br> According to the actor, Vincent Ward’s initial script for the film was “really spooky” and centered on a religious cult in a penal colony, but since the character of Ripley was relatively minor, “changes were made to the script.” <br> And the problems didn’t stop there. “Fincher had the studio on his back the whole time phoning him at all hours of the day and night—not taking into account the time change,” says Dance. “But I remember walking on this huge set at Pinewood Studios and Fincher comes up and fires off his shot list for the day. Here’s this guy young enough to be my son who knew all the crew’s jobs, all the shots he wanted, and where he was going to make the cuts in the film, and I thought, ‘My God, this guy is going to go far.’” ** Charles Dance as quoted by Marlow Stern, [https://www.thedailybeast.com/charles-dance-on-tywin-lannisters-s5-return-a-game-of-thrones-movie-and-sexy-peter-dinklage “Charles Dance on Tywin Lannister’s S5 Return, A ‘Game of Thrones’ Movie,’ and Sexy Peter Dinklage”], “The Daily Beast, (Updated Jul. 12, 2017 7:01PM ET / Published Nov. 18, 2014) * [N]ow comes "Alien 3 " - as unnecessary a sequel to a major movie as we've seen in some time. First-time director David Fincher and four writers have created another horror movie, attempting existential overtones as they make the alien in this film Ripley's "Moby Dick." ** [https://www.deseret.com/1992/5/27/20086990/film-review-alien-3 “Film review: Alien 3”], ''Deseret News'', (May 27, 1992) * There are a lot of problems with this film, but the worst are its dreary, dark motif; the lack of sympathetic characters; the unpleasantness of the film's premise, which has Ripley eventually discovering she has a queen alien growing inside of her; and a lengthy chase sequence that is so dark, and edited so chaotically that it becomes confusing. ** [https://www.deseret.com/1992/5/27/20086990/film-review-alien-3 “Film review: Alien 3”], ''Deseret News'', (May 27, 1992) * 1992's Alien 3, the film, was a strange installment in a franchise that's struggled to find itself ever since its first two movies, an oddly somber experience that was born of complex studio strife and emerged undeniably comprised. With no guns, just a single alien and a cast of barely developed supporting characters, it represented a poor foundation for a licensed game tie-in. So it was hardly surprising that the games that did come out, bearing the title Alien 3, were only loosely connected to the events of David Fincher's directorial debut. ** Mike Diver, [https://www.vice.com/en/article/nz5jez/remembering-the-identity-crisis-of-licensed-video-games-through-the-lens-of-alien-3 “Remembering the Identity Crisis of Licensed Video Games, Through the Lens of ‘Alien 3’”], ''Vice'', (March 1, 2017) * Aliens, a great action movie, cheapened the original by replacing one hyper-intelligent, indestructible monster with an army of gormless critters. This third entry has only one creature, but unfortunately it's just as gormless. When Ripley (Weaver) crash-lands on a prison planet full of hard-nut slap-heads, they haven't seen a woman in years. Discovering that there's an alien loose, Ripley asks the warden to break out the guns, and can't believe it when she is told there aren't any. Nor can we. Good acting has salvaged many a poor script in the past, but not here. ** DW, [https://www.timeout.com/movies/alien3 “Alien 3”], ''Timeout'', (10 September 2012) * I lost interest [in Alien 3], when I realized that the aliens could at all times outrun and outleap the humans, so all the chase scenes were contrivances. ** Roger Ebert, [http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/19971126/REVIEWS/711260301/1023 "Alien Resurrection Roger Ebert review"]. ''Sun Times'', (November 26, 1997). * One of the best looking bad movies I've ever seen. ** Roger Ebert, [http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/19991015/REVIEWS/910150302/1023 "Fight Club"], ''Chicago Sun-Times''. (October 15, 1999). * “I thought it was dumb. I thought it was a huge slap in the face to fans,” said Cameron without hesitation. “Look, David is a friend of mine. David is an amazing, amazing filmmaker, unquestionably. But that was kind of his first big gig, and he was getting vectored around by the studio, and he was dropped into the production late, and they had a horrible script, and they were rewriting it on the fly, and it was just a mess. I think it was a big mistake.” <br> “I was disappointed,” added Biehn. “But I actually got into [Aliens] because another actor dropped. So, I got into the movie on a fluke, and then I got cut out of Fincher’s movie. And Fincher’s movie, because he was young and they didn’t have a good script, wasn’t any good. And the fourth one [Alien: Resurrection] wasn’t any good. … So, to me, I’m the leading man in the best Alien movie.” <br> Henn, who at 16 would have aged out of the Newt role by the time Alien 3 was made anyway, had already decided by that point that she wasn’t going to continue acting. She got to experience some of the hoopla, though. “Sigourney actually made sure I was invited to the premiere for it,” she said of Alien 3. “I got to experience it as 16-year old, and I knew who these movie stars were and I was like, ‘Oh, wow!’” ** Marcus Errico, [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/xenomorphs-exposed-james-cameron-sigourney-171426083.html “Xenomorphs Exposed! James Cameron, Sigourney Weaver, and Cast Reveal Secrets of 'Aliens'”], ''Yahoo.com'', (July 25, 2016) *'''SPJ''': Ripley tries to extinguish the species a second time in Alien 3, throwing herself into the cauldron to kill the alien incubating inside her. Is this action as morally repugnant as nuking all the aliens from afar? Is it worse? :'''JE''': I would say it depends on your ethical framework! From a strict utilitarian standpoint, focused on maximizing some positive state like happiness, your calculus could hypothetically be that the existence of xenomorphs threatens life throughout the universe, and therefore killing more xenomorphs is an ethically superior action! On the other hand, one may have a deontological ethic (judging the rightness or wrongness of an action independently from its consequences) that does or does not include xenomorph life as valuable, and therefore either option could be thought of as morally wrong. These are, of course, just examples—but, in short, it’s a complicated question! <br> In this context, I don’t think we can be fully confident that xenomorph destruction is the right thing to do. But I do think Ripley is right to not want her body to have this parasitic and deadly entity growing inside her! So I would say it’s a solidly ethical choice, whereas mass-xenomorph destruction is more problematic. :* Jeffrey A. Ewing in [https://sciphijournal.org/the-philosophy-of-the-alien-films-interview-with-jeffrey-a-ewing/ "The Philosophy of the Alien Films: Interview with Jeffrey A. Ewing"] by Ray Blank, ''Sci Phi Journal'', (30 August 2017). :'''MS''': But there's this fantastic quote that I found, where you said of Alien 3 that "a lot of people hated Alien 3, but no one hated it more than I did." :'''DF''': I had to work on it for two years, got fired off it three times and I had to fight for every single thing. No one hated it more than me; to this day, no one hates it more than me. :'''MS''': At the risk of opening old wounds, what did you take from that experience that has subsequently helped you in your Hollywood career? :'''DF''': It was a [[baptism]] by [[fire]]. I was very naive. For a number of years, I'd been around the kind of people who financed movies and the kind of people who are there to make the deals for movies. But I'd always had this naive idea that everybody wants to make movies as good as they can be, which is stupid. [audience laughs] So I learned on this movie that nobody really knows, so therefore no one has to care, so it's always going to be your fault. I'd always thought, "Well, surely you don't want to have the Twentieth Century Fox logo over a shitty movie." And they were like, "Well, as long as it opens." So I learned then just to be a belligerent asshole, which was really: "You have to get what you need to get out of it." You have to fight for things you believe in, and you have to be smart about how you position it so that you don't just become white noise. On that movie, I was the guy who was constantly the voice of "We need to do this better, we need to do this, this doesn't make sense". And pretty soon, it was like in Peanuts: WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP! They'd go, "He's doing that again, he's frothing at the mouth, he seems so passionate." They didn't care. :* David Fincher in [https://www.theguardian.com/film/2009/feb/03/david-fincher-interview-transcript "Guardian interviews at the BFI: David Fincher"] by Mark Salisbury, ''The Guardian'', (18 Jan 2009). * If I go on to make 10 great [movies], this'll probably be looked upon as my first bungled masterpiece. ** David Fincher in [https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/interview-a-real-horror-show-the-filming-of-alien-3-was-a-nightmare-for-its-director-david-fincher-mark-burman-reports-1541578.html "INTERVIEW / A real horror show: The filming of Alien 3 was a nightmare for its director David Fincher. Mark Burman reports"] by Mark Burman, ''The Independent'', (August 21, 1992). * I hadn’t directed a movie yet. I was just going off to do that. Once I had gone to Pinewood for two years and had been through a situation where I was a hired gun to make a library title for a multinational, vertically integrated media conglomerate, I had a different view of how writers and directors needed to work. ** David Fincher as quoted by Mark Harris, [https://www.vulture.com/2020/10/david-fincher-mank.html “Nerding Out With David Fincher The director talks about his latest, Mank, a tale of Hollywood history, political power, and the creative act.”], ''Vulture'', (Oct. 23, 2020) * I didn't like the script, but I love 'Alien,' so yeah, I signed up, naive, and went off to Pinewood [Studios] to be sodomized ritualistically for two years. ** David Fincher, [https://youtube/mlVsIqpMXIs?t=332 BAFTA Guru], (2017) * There's no one problem with a $65-million, f***ed-up, first-time filmmaker. Look, I made a crucial error. I listened to the people who were paying for the movie, and they said, the way to go about this is not to work with your friends. The way to go about this is to work with people who have done this time and time and time again. And basically, that translates into: meet a lot of people who are going to resent you and your age and are not going to want to take instruction from you, and allow them to tell you what you can't do. ** David Fincher, [https://youtube/mlVsIqpMXIs?t=332 BAFTA Guru], (2017) * Once I had gone to Pinewood for two years and had been through a situation where I was a hired gun to make a library title for a multinational, vertically integrated media conglomerate, I had a different view of how writers and directors needed to work. I kind of resented his anti-auteurist take. I felt that what the script really needed to talk about was the notion of enforced collaboration: You may not like the fact that you’re going to be beholden to so many different disciplines and skill sets in the making of a movie, but if you’re not acknowledging it, you’re missing the side of the barn. A script is the egg, and it needs a donor to create the cellular split that moves it into the realm of something playable in three dimensions and recordable in two dimensions and presentable to other people. ** David Fincher as quoted by [https://www.cinemablend.com/news/2557805/alien-3-director-david-fincher-opens-up-about-what-went-wrong “Alien 3 Director David Fincher Opens Up About What Went Wrong”], by Mike Reyes, ''Cinemablend'', published October 26, 2020 * So out went my carefully constructed motivations for all the principal prisoners, my preserving the life of Newt (her killing in the film is an [[obscenity]]) and much else. Embittered by this experience, that's why I turned down Alien Resurrection. ** Alan Dean Foster (April 2008). ''Planet Error'', ''Empire''. p.&nbsp;100. * Ripley (Sigourney Weaver), the unluckiest woman in the universe, is once again in a bind. She`s been awakened prematurely from her hypersleep by the crash of her spaceship on Fiorina 161, a distant prison work colony. It seems she isn`t the only survivor her crash, however; when the residents of the colony begin turning up shredded, and it`s up to Ripley to play the role of aliencatcher again. <br> ''Alien3'' tries to get back to what made ''Alien'' great-suspense, dimly lighted glimpses of the alien, and the suggestion, rather than exposition, of gore-but is saddled by one overpowering burden. How much can you so with this storyline? The alien shows up, it kills people, Ripley hunts it down, end of movie. By the third time around, it`s just worn out. Great performances from an interesting cast (including Charles S. Dutton of TV`s ''Roc''), convincing industrial sets, and visually exciting Alien effects can`t salvage ''Alien3'' from its all-encompassing tiredness. (STAR) 1/2 ** Kent Garneau and Hinsdale Central, [https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-1992-05-29-9202170844-story.html “`ALIEN3` IS TIRED, NOT SCARY”], ''Chicago Tribune'', (May 28, 1992) * After directing a string of popular music videos, David Fincher was commissioned by Fox to direct Alien³ but left the project before editing commenced because of studio interference. If Alien³ is not his film, neither is the studio’s “extended cut” (Fincher didn’t want anything to do with the project). Unlike the director’s cut of Aliens, this extended edition of Fincher’s first film does more harm than good. Impregnated with an alien queen, Ripley lands on Fury 161, a prison planet occupied by horny religious criminals. The scenario is the same (more doubting Thomases and labyrinthine tunnels) except the returns are less exciting or scary; an amalgam of power shots (some reminiscent of Fincher’s clips for Aerosmith’s “Janie’s Got a Gun” and Madonna’s “Express Yourself”), the film’s overall effect is noticeably suffocating. Charles Dutton’s preacher man, Dillon, conducts an impromptu funeral service and the extended cut intercuts his prayer with scenes from Fincher’s intended alien-birthing sequence (from canine to bovine). This creepy interplay brings to mind the final moments of Apocalypse Now but doesn’t really spill over into the rest of the film. Not only is Ripley personality-free (is the character jaded or is Weaver simply bored?), so is the alien. If the material appears to strain to offer the new alien attacks a ridiculous religious context, that’s because the filmmakers never really evoke a sense of godlessness on the planet community to begin with. ** Ed Gonzalez, [https://www.slantmagazine.com/film/alien3/ “Alien 3: Review”], ''Slant'', (December 15, 2003) * No sooner is Ripley speeding away from the napalm-laced carnage of Aliens than she finds herself crashing into a prison planet full of Brits. Relentlessly dark and filled with unsympathetic characters, Alien³ is not loved by many. But director David Fincher seems lucky to have come away with any kind of movie, as is revealed on a surprisingly frank DVD from Fox. <br> As with the other DVDs in the Alien Quadrilogy, you can choose between watching the theatrical release or a new special edition. David Fincher declined to put together another cut of the film, but has approved this new half-hour longer version. All the subplots removed by the studio are now here to see, including a different dogburster scene, the convicts capturing the alien and a slightly different ending. Trouble is, the production was in such disarray that this new longer take on the movie doesn't sort much out from the incoherent nature of the original. ** Almar Haflidason, [https://www.bbc.co.uk/films/2003/12/08/alien3_1992_dvd_review.shtml “Alien 3 DVD (1992)”], ''BBC'', (1992) * David Fincher has not done any new interviews for this release so other people fill in, including director Renny Harlin - who pops up in the Development featurette. Fans will be interested to hear what Harlin's vision was, the story options discussed, and why he was not keen on setting it in a prison. Still, that's nothing compared to the original idea of writer Vincent Ward to set the movie on a wooden planet populated by monks. Thanks to extensive image galleries and an in-depth featurette, you can explore what was certainly a bold, if somewhat strange, idea. <br> While there is undoubtedly some fascinating gossip still to be told about the fraught production of Alien³, at least Fox has allowed frank comments to be aired. There's a great shot of an alien (man in suit) sitting with his head in his hands that seems to sum up the whole experience. Major changes to the script were regular occurrences, no end ever seemed in sight on the shoot, and it was finally shut down and taken to LA so the studio could try and fathom something out of it all. ** Almar Haflidason, [https://www.bbc.co.uk/films/2003/12/08/alien3_1992_dvd_review.shtml “Alien 3 DVD (1992)”], ''BBC'', (1992) * One idea would have seen Xenomorphs arriving on Earth and destroying New York City, which is as close to the film the teaser suggests as any of the unmade Alien 3 scripts. <br> Between 1987 and 1990, more than ten screenwriters had a bash at scripting the film, including William Gibson, Eric Red, David Twohy, and John Fasano. Drafts differed on whether Weaver’s Ripley would be in the script or not, whether Biehn’s Hicks had a bigger role or not, and whether the film would be about a “Marxist space empire”, a prison planet, or a satellite full of monks. <br> The latter idea came from director Vincent Ward, who was signed up to direct the project. However, Fox executives didn’t like his vision for Alien 3, with Jon Landau dismissing it as “more on the artsy-fartsy side than the big commercial one” than the studio wanted. In the end, Giler and Hill wound up writing the screenplay, inspired by various bits and bobs from different incarnations, with co-credit going to script doctor Larry Ferguson. ** Mark Harrison, [https://www.filmstories.co.uk/features/the-odd-story-of-alien-3s-misleading-teaser-trailer/ “The odd story of Alien 3’s misleading teaser trailer”], ''Filmstories'', (February 25, 2021) * Once again, Weaver is shocked to discover the alien loose—this time in a desolate prison colony. You'd think she'd get over those surprises by now. Once again, she has to rally a group of macho men ([[rapists]] and [[murderers]]) to take on the beast; and, once again, it doesn't take a college degree to guess who'll be left facing whom. ** Desson Howe, [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/longterm/movies/videos/alien3rhowe_a0aece.htm] ‘Alien 3’], ''Washington Post'', (May 22, 1992) * Ironically, "Alien " is not a bad movie. In fact—here's the rub—it's too interesting to make an exciting summer flick. At the core is a promising tale written by Australian filmmaker [[w:Vincent Ward|Vincent Ward]], who made "[[w:The Navigator: An Odyssey Across Time|The Navigator: An Odyssey Across Time]]," an often brilliant, time-hopping saga about medieval men journeying into the 20th century. <br> His "Alien " is woven out of the same classic sci-fi yarn. The [[prison]] is a [[Middle Ages]]-type institution, with gaunt-faced, monastic characters in robes walking through dark, twisting corridors bearing [[candles]]. ** Desson Howe, [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/longterm/movies/videos/alien3rhowe_a0aece.htm] ‘Alien 3’], ''Washington Post'', (May 22, 1992) * This movie—peopled with English performers, including Brian Glover, Ralph Brown, Paul McGann and Danny Webb—seems more like a "Star Trek" episode than an "Alien" picture. It's also hard to get a handle on how big or small the alien is, the usual sign of low-budget horror filmmaking. Sometimes it seems small as a child; other times, it looms eight feet high. ** Desson Howe, [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/longterm/movies/videos/alien3rhowe_a0aece.htm] ‘Alien 3’], ''Washington Post'', (May 22, 1992) * First of all, it is difficult to empathize with (or care about) any of the characters in this film. And there is very little in the way of character development, that might help this problem. I've heard that this film was heavily cut before its theatrical release, and that there is a much longer director's cut, which is ultimately more satisfying in this respect. I wish Fox had used it here. Another problem with Alien 3 is its poorly conceived and written script. To start off with, we're asked to accept the idea that the alien queen managed to lay a few eggs unnoticed in the scant minutes she was on board the Sulaco. Then we're asked to believe that a single face hugger could cause enough damage to require evacuating the crew in an EEV, and then we're asked to believe that the EEV just happened to eject near a populated (albeit sparsely) planet. To make matters worse, all of the survivors of the previous film are immediately killed off (problems with budget or contract negotiations perhaps?), including Ripley's surrogate daughter Newt. Which leads to the script's other major problem - it's just a major downer. After the sheer horror of the first film, and particularly coming off of the edge-of-your-seat thrills of Aliens, this film seemed far too subdued and somewhat less than frightening. It just wasn't at all what I was expecting. <br> Which is not to say that the film doesn't have some merits. I did find the quasi-religious undertones of Fury's inhabitants compelling. And the concept of the alien creature taking on some of the physical characteristics of its host (in this case a dog) was intriguing. But again, the film stumbles over another major shortcoming, which is that the creature effects are just, well... bad. More often than not, the creature effects were accomplished by using a marionette-type puppet that was shot in front of a blue screen, and optically added to each shot with the actors. In other cases, its just a mechanical prop... and it shows. The first time we ever see the creature (in chapter 9), it just looks silly. The best thing about the creatures in the first two films, was that we barely saw them. They were far more frightening. Here we're seeing way too much. ** Bill Hunt, [http://archive.thedigitalbits.com/reviews/alien3.html “Alien 3”], ''The Digital Bits'', (5/27/99) * "Alien 3" was already chasing a release date when Fincher boarded the project, taking over from outgoing director [[w:Renny Harlin|Renny Harlin]] rather late in the process, so he only had five weeks of prep time. According to Film Stories, the movie was originally scheduled to have a 12-month turnaround, from the start of production in January 1991 to a theatrical release in December 1991. The Christmas deadline was soon extended, but even before the story was finalized, an infamously misleading teaser trailer announced, "In 1992, we will discover, on [[Earth]], everyone can hear you scream." <br> As anyone who's seen the film can attest, Earth was not, in fact, the setting. They began shooting without a completed script, partly because "Alien 3" had already undergone numerous rewrites and no one could seem to get it perfectly tailored. William Gibson, author of the Hugo and Nebula award-winning cyberpunk novel, "Neuromancer" (which influenced "The Matrix"), wrote a draft that kept Ripley (Sigourney Weaver), the Oscar-nominated heroine of the first two movies, in a coma. It instead centered on the space Marine, Hicks, and the robot, Bishop, played by Michael Biehn and Lance Henriksen, whose characters were left alive at the end of "Aliens." ** Joshua Meyer, [https://www.slashfilm.com/763846/why-the-alien-3-production-was-such-a-nightmare/ “Why The Alien 3 Production Was Such A Nightmare”], ''Slashfilm'', (Feb 10, 2022) * Eric Red ("The Hitcher," "Near Dark") whipped up the next version of the script for "Alien 3" in under two months, and it was set on Earth (hence that teaser about screaming there), but it was quickly discarded. Then there was David Twohy's prison planet version, developed alongside Vincent Ward and John Fasano's legendary wooden planet version, where the setting was a kind of monastery in space. <br> Producers David Giler and Walter Hill and script doctor Larry Ferguson eventually fused elements of these last two versions into what became the working draft of "Alien 3," with Fincher and his own uncredited script doctor, Rex Pickett, doing further rewrites. All told, there were reportedly ten different writers on the film. While other classic movies like "[[The Wizard of Oz]]" have juggled that many writers in the past, "Alien 3" could not be termed anything other than a cult classic at best. ** Joshua Meyer, [https://www.slashfilm.com/763846/why-the-alien-3-production-was-such-a-nightmare/ “Why The Alien 3 Production Was Such A Nightmare”], ''Slashfilm'', (Feb 10, 2022) * The third movie in the Alien series was a hot ticket at the time. The Bond films were halted and locked in a bitter legal battle that eventually took six years to resolve. So Alien had suddenly become one of the world's biggest franchises and was camped, almost insultingly to the impotent, sleeping Bond, on Pinewood's giant 007 Stage. ** Garth Pearce, [https://www.empireonline.com/movies/features/alien-empire-set-interviews-sigourney-weaver-david-fincher/ "Alien³ – Empire's On Set Interviews With Sigourney Weaver And David Fincher"], ''Empire Magazine'', (November 2009). * It's left to Paul McGann, playing Golic, to spell things out in a way that only McGann can. I've met him a few times by this point, going back to the 1986 production of The Monocled Mutineer, a two-part TV series on First World War deserter Percy Toplis. He's established himself, at 31, as one of our biggest stars, with Withnail And I and a sharp TV series called Dealers. He's a Scouse jack-the-lad who calls a spade a shovel – particularly when it's used for shovelling manure. <br> "There are more producers around here than actors," he tells me. "I wondered who the hell they were at first. It's like having an extra fucking audience for every scene. You can't get a clear picture of who wants what, it gets changed as we go along. I don't know what they're doing here. Rewriting some of the script? Getting in the way? Fuck knows. But movies are in a mess. I am in the only fucking film which is shooting in England. The situation is getting dire with this recession going on. We're going to be down to one cameraman and one sound crew in this country if we aren't careful." ** Garth Pearce, [https://www.empireonline.com/movies/features/alien-empire-set-interviews-sigourney-weaver-david-fincher/ "Alien³ – Empire's On Set Interviews With Sigourney Weaver And David Fincher"], ''Empire Magazine'', (November 2009). * Putting it into the mildest terms, Alien 3 was an omnishambles. Armed with a trailer and a release date, 20th Century Fox didn’t know what the movie was going to be about, but knew it was going to come out in 1992. A film that had already seen several writers and directors come and go, with just as many concepts making their way through the revolving door, the resulting story came partially from re-writes done by David Fincher himself. In the end, no one would know just how the experience would turn out, as a pretty impressive, yet misleading, teaser promised quite a bit: <br> Through his trial by fire on Alien 3, David Fincher emerged as a directorial phoenix, and went on to make Seven as his next feature film. Understanding that writers and directors literally need to be on the same page, the lessons learned from his own career and also from reading his father’s script, Fincher understood that no person is an island in the movie business. If only the Fox executives that trashed his version of Alien 3 could have learned that back in 1991, maybe we'd be talking about the "absolute classic" Alien 3, rather than the very expertly crafted euphemism that David Fincher used to describe what was essentially, a living hell. ** Mike Reyes, [https://www.cinemablend.com/news/2557805/alien-3-director-david-fincher-opens-up-about-what-went-wrong “Alien 3 Director David Fincher Opens Up About What Went Wrong”], ''Cinemablend'', (October 26, 2020) * On the face of it, Alien 3 should have been a pretty great movie. The first two films from the franchise were spectacular; it had a director at its helm that would go on to be one of the best of the modern era, it was written by the legendary Walter Hill, and it was packed to the brim with stellar acting talent. But in the end it was just downright turgid. ** Gregory Wakeman, [https://www.cinemablend.com/new/What-Went-Wrong-With-Alien-3-According-Tywin-Lannister-68286.html “What Went Wrong With Alien 3, According To Tywin Lannister”], ''Cinemablend'', (November 18, 2014) * If it hadn’t been for the American science fiction horror movie Alien 3, one of the brightest lights in Hong Kong’s scientific community could well have spent his days staring into a microscope and performing autopsies. <br> “The night before the [job] interview, I went to see Alien 3 – which opens with a postmortem. I thought, ‘Do I really want to start my days with a postmortem?’ So, in the end I became a chemical pathologist – we look at blood rather than dead bodies,” says Professor Dennis Lo Yuk-ming, the Li Ka Shing professor of medicine at the Chinese University of Hong Kong (CUHK). <br> It seems, then, that we have American film director David Fincher to thank in part for Lo’s many contributions to health – from the development of non-invasive prenatal testing to new screening tests for cancer. ** Kate Whitehead, [https://www.scmp.com/lifestyle/health-wellness/article/3162032/how-watching-alien-3-movie-set-top-hong-kong-scientist “How watching Alien 3 movie set top Hong Kong scientist on the road to developing cancer and prenatal health screening tests”], ''South China Morning Post'', (Jan 6, 2022) * Alien 3 has a certain reputation with different groups—to David Fincher, it was a nightmare first production for the enfant terrible director, one he has since refused to be associated with because the studio will not restore his child autopsy scene, which even the biggest Gone Girl fan in the world would admit is a bit much. For movie dorks, it’s a movie you like to argue is better than whoever is tolerating listening to you remembers. For most people, it’s the one where Sigourney Weaver got head shaved. For losers, it’s the one where Newt dies off-camera and they get angry. I remember Alien 3 as the first rated R movie that had a very large toy push, meaning I was being sold ephemera related to a product I technically wasn’t supposed to see. <br> For cyberpunk novelist William Gibson, Alien 3 was how he got his WGA card. He says as much in this books—an adaptation of a screenplay that wasn't used—introduction. Gibson’s association with Hollywood has largely been uninteresting. Adaptations of his work that have made it to screen amount to 90s-doing-80s footnotes like Johnny Mnemonic and New Rose Hotel (though he allegedly wrote most of Kathryn Bigelow’s excellent Strange Days without screen credit). For Alien 3, Gibson turned two drafts over to Walter Hill and David Giler that had little to do with the final product. That's a good thing. Gibson’s script has long been available on the internet. It’s not enough of an oddity to be interesting. It’s okay. The comic is ultimately okay too. ** Sean Witzke, [https://www.tcj.com/reviews/alien-3-the-unproduced-screenplay/ “Alien 3: The Unproduced Screenplay”], ''The Comics Journal'', (September 5, 2019) ===“Alien 3: I Was There!” (1/9/1992) === <small> [https://www.empireonline.com/movies/features/alien-3/ “Alien 3: I Was There!”], Anonymous, Empire Online #39, (01 09 1992) </small> * Alien 3 was a very silly movie to work on. It had already been going for four months by the time I started, and they hadn’t even begun thinking about making the Alien. The script wasn’t even finished by that point, and I don’t think there was a director either. All there was was a bunch of models of the characters that were going to die – the Alien didn’t get made until five or six months later. In fact, the Alien was the last thing to be considered out of all the effects. <br> On my first day, they weren’t even sure what the Alien was going to look like – there were all kinds of different drafts of the script, and at one point it was a glass planet so they were talking about having a glass Alien, and then it was going to be all wood and they were talking about having a wooden Alien because it was supposed to adapt to its surroundings. <br> They had done the facehugger which you see at the beginning of the film, because that was the thing they were least worried about. There was another super-facehugger, a clear one, that took us about three months to make, on and off; that was kicked out just after we’d finished it. We also built a huge ox that the Alien burst out of, but David Fincher didn’t like that. Eventually they went back to America and reshot it anyway; now it’s a dog. It was a colossal waste of money. * The original Alien had these kind of pipes sticking out the back that took it away from just being a man in a rubber suit, but creature designers Alec (Gillis) and Tom (Woodruff) hated them, so we left them off. The very first day we took our Alien on set, Fincher said, "Where are the stove pipe things on the back?", so he had us make some foam ones and glue them on. We made them overnight and they were strapped on with string – this is on a multi-million dollar movie – and when we got on set with them he just said, ‘Take them off’. It was extraordinary. * The way it worked was that we’d start making something for the film and it would be written out, so we’d stop making it. Then it would be back in again, so we’d start making it again – the same thing happened with the sets. [Special effects supervisor] George Gibbs reportedly built this huge set for the ending of the film on the 007 stage at Pinewood, and they changed one aspect of the script so he had to tear it down and start again. <br> We also spent a huge amount of time and money making an Alien suit and some other guys did the same, making an alien puppet, and the two things just don’t match up, they don’t look like the same Alien. Again, that was because it got to the stage where it just had to be done, so consequently they don’t look like each other in the final movie. * I suppose you can’t really blame him, you’ve got to blame the people who want to make a film without having a script to start with. You’ve got to blame Sigourney Weaver to a certain extent, too, for having too many fingers in the pie. From what I was told she had a lot to do with the script: she was the one who didn’t want there to be any guns in the film, she was the one who decided to have the love scene. There was no reason for it other than she decided Ripley had to get into bed with someone. === Review/Film: Alien 3; HAL, If You're Still Out There, Here's a Computer-Friendly Sequel” (May 22, 1992) === <small> Vincent Canby, [https://www.nytimes.com/1992/05/22/movies/review-film-alien-3-hal-if-you-re-still-there-here-s-computer-friendly-sequel.html “Review/Film: Alien 3; HAL, If You're Still Out There, Here's a Computer-Friendly Sequel”], ''The New York Times'', (May 22, 1992) </small> * IT'S apparent during the opening credits of "Alien 3" that this is going to be a movie for the generation that finds the computer friendly. Those of us born before 1975 can't possibly comprehend all of the introductory information that goes clicking across the on-screen television monitor, spelling out time, place and imminent crises with the relentlessness of a speed-reading exam. <br> The information is also so understated that only someone who speaks computer language realizes that life, as we know it, is about to crash. Yet again. What the computer generation knows, and the rest of us don't, is that this information isn't really necessary or especially relevant. Logic is out. Visceral sensation is the point. <br> Unlike "Alien" (1979) and "Aliens" (1986), the new film, directed by David Fincher, puts no great emphasis on futuristic technology. "Alien 3" belongs to that branch of fantasy comics, best exemplified by the "Road Warrior" movies, in which the iron and space ages meet for dizzy results. * Fiorina 161 is a planet, but we never see much of it. Clearly, though, it is a place where the sun doesn't shine. The outside temperature hovers in the neighborhood of 40 degrees below zero. Formerly a maximum-security prison, Fiorina 161 has been decommissioned and is now home to 25 of society's worst rejects, former prisoners who have elected to remain on the planet to live lives of edgy atonement. They are members of what is called "an apocalyptic millennarian fundamentalist Christian sect." Whatever they are, they obey their own commandments. * The production is dourly handsome, with great, chunky, dimly lighted sets that suggest dungeons out of the Middle Ages. They are actually so dark that sometimes it's not easy to know who is doing what to whom. Blood looks black, which may not be all bad. The alien is seen in glimpses, but it's seen often enough so that it seems to be nothing worse than a large, dark sticky lobster claw with a terrible disposition. * Mr. Fincher, who has directed music videos for Madonna, Billy Idol and others, doesn't waste time trying to make things plausible. His direction of "Alien 3" suggests that he grew up reading instructions on how to program VCR's. He knows that most explanations, like directions, are incomprehensible, and thus irrelevant. === “Ripley’s Got a Death Drive: David Fincher’s Alien³ at 25” (May 19, 2017) === <small> Jake Cole, [https://www.slantmagazine.com/film/ripleys-got-a-death-drive-alien-3-at-25/ “Ripley’s Got a Death Drive: David Fincher’s Alien³ at 25”], ''Slant'', (May 19, 2017) </small> * David Fincher’s Alien³ may be the only film ever made to peak with its logo. As the 20th Century Fox fanfare crescendos over the studio’s familiar logo, the music holds on the minor chord before the usual last note, replacing jubilant bombast with a dissonant groan of strings. The alteration produces an immediate sense of discomfort and unease, setting the tone for something ominous and fearsome. It’s an ingenious shot across the bow from Fincher, ushering in a feature career dotted with immaculately ordered, carefully scored works of blockbuster entertainment that veered from audience-pleasing major keys to their grim underbellies. <br> The perversion of the Fox theme epitomizes a succinct grasp of horror that only occasionally surfaces in the film proper. * Too often, Alien³ shows its seams, whether in its thematic arc or the design of the xenomorph, and at not even two hours it still feels weighed down by unnecessary exposition and padded suspense scenes. But blame for much of this cannot fall at one person’s feet, as the film was notoriously the product of years of production hell that saw the studio soliciting wildly different drafts from writers including (but not limited to) cyberpunk author William Gibson, writer-director Vincent Ward, and producer/filmmaker Walter Hill. Eventually, ideas from each version found their way into a Frankenstein monster of a shooting script, one further plagued by endless on-set rewrites that left Fincher so exasperated that even Fox’s officially released behind-the-scenes footage shows the director railing against the pressures of the studio’s poorly planned project. * Considerable criticism, from both audiences and former cast and crew members on the series, was directed at the decision to callously kill off Lt. Hicks (Michael Biehn) and Newt (Carrie Henn) in the opening credits. Regarded on its own terms, though, their deaths fit well within the series’s bleak tone. Structured in staccato clips inserted between the credits, the scene shows off the sense of visual economy that Fincher picked up while making music videos. It plays out in ominous glimpses of a hatched alien egg, a facehugger stretching toward Newt’s cryogenic pod, a crack of glass, and seepage of blood into cloth. In seconds, all of the good feelings left over from the end of Aliens are brutally cast aside, robbing Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) of the ad hoc family she’d only just rallied together. <br> It’s a promisingly nihilistic beginning, and Ripley’s dismay upon learning of her friends’ deaths is compounded by the revelation that she’s crash-landed near a Weyland-Yutani prison, a refinery work camp whose inmates are all men with double-Y chromosomes, a defect that enhances their aggression and leaves them more likely to rape and murder. The early scenes, of Ripley interacting with men actively afraid of her presence and what it might encourage in them, mark the film’s thematic high point, balancing Ripley’s fears of a possible xenomorph outbreak against the equally immediate worries about the rippling aftershocks of her presence on the inmates’ vows of celibacy, made in a mass religious conversion among the prisoners that occurred long before she arrived. Frequently, the men use their religion as pretense for distrust of the woman, if not outright abuse. Ripley has always had to deal with unfriendly elements, but they usually came isolated in the form of company men (or androids); here is an entire facility’s worth of people with an innate antagonism against her, one that stymies her attempts to lead them against the alien threat that breaks out shortly after her arrival. * In what’s become something of a recurring theme of the franchise since its first two entries, Alien³ arguably peaks before the alien itself takes center stage. The looming, Brutalist-style prison setting evinces a sense of decay well before the camera explores its dripping, darkened corridors and vents. The private-owned prison, more work camp than carceral institution, has a wide-open feel that paradoxically enhances the feeling of being trapped, a testament to the assurances of its builders that those who worked there would know they had nowhere, ultimately, to run. When the alien finally does begin to roam the prison, however, the environment too quickly loses its character, its labyrinthine structure and dangerous areas (a ventilation shaft with a giant fan telegraphs a gruesome human purée well before it happens) betray their usefulness to the story. No longer does the facility have its own story to tell; instead, it looks as if it were built around the alien sequences. * The alien itself is a disappointment, as the filmmakers’ intriguing idea of having a xenomorph infect and thus absorb the DNA of a quadrupedal animal is squandered on a garish puppet creation that moves in jerky, dissonant steps that completely divorce the creature from the environment. This robs the alien of even a hint of menace, barring a few close-ups that keep the image limited to the xenomorph’s face and teeth. Prefiguring an issue that’s plagued all future Alien movies in the CGI era, the depiction of the xenomorph so casually in full view saps much of the suspense that the first two films wrung out of keeping the monsters hidden or partially glimpsed. Once its definitions are set, the creature loses its amorphous, undefinable shape and size, limiting it to something comprehensible. <br> The lackluster alien undeniably drags down the proceedings, but the film maintains a consistently bleak atmosphere that elevates it above its sloppy sequel and the more self-conscious philosophy of recent prequels by staying truest to the simple hopelessness of the original film. * Even within arguably the most nihilistic franchise in cinematic history, Alien³ stands out for its consistent tone of despair. It presents a reality where even machines feel fear and agony, as when Ripley reactivates the heavily damaged Bishop droid (Lance Henriksen), its tattered face struggling to focus a sagging, milky eye as it relays Weyland-Yutani’s continued, destructive interest in capturing and weaponizing the xenomorph. Having warned Ripley, he then asks her to be shut off, saying he feels pain in his current form and fears being rebuilt into something less special and perfect than what he was. <br> Ripley’s death drive, always present but overwhelmed when she discovers an alien embryo inside of her, is so intense that it blunts the confrontational behavior of the men around her, even Dillon (Charles S. Dutton), the prison’s religious leader whose initial hostility toward Ripley fades when he recognizes the purity of her martyrdom. The deflating alien antics of the film’s back half sap some of the power from Ripley’s ultimate sacrifice, but her final act, taking pro-choice symbolism to self-immolating extremes, is one of the most powerful images in the entire Alien franchise. * For all its inherent structural problems, Alien³ remains a worthy intended conclusion to the series, finding its true resolution in Ripley’s resolve to break the endless cycle of her torment. Initially panned upon release, Fincher’s film now has its supporters thanks in part to a 2003 recut that restored footage that’s even more evocative of the filmmaker’s overriding sense of dejected [[gloom]]. Yet its most lasting impact may be what it said about the direction that blockbusters would go, perpetuating the franchise’s close bonds to the state of tent-pole releases to their respective eras. * Alien enjoyed [[w:New Hollywood|New Hollywood freedoms in its use of avant-garde production design and its deliberate, character-driven storytelling while its first sequel operated along the faster, more upbeat and cathartic tone of the mid-1980s. This film, the product of a hastily reconciliation of incomplete ideas, points to a future in which blockbusters would be crafted as if on an assembly line, no longer the product of one vision or even that of a group but of a conglomeration running on autopilot. As producer Jon Landau later said of the film, “We set out to make a release date, not a movie.” === "Renny Harlin interview: 12 Rounds, Die Hard, and the Alien 3 that never was" (May 27, 2009) === <small> [[w:Renny Harlin|Renny Harlin]] in [http://www.denofgeek.com/us/movies/alien/14416/renny-harlin-interview-12-rounds-die-hard-and-the-alien-3-that-never-was "Renny Harlin interview: 12 Rounds, Die Hard, and the Alien 3 that never was"] by Luke Savage, ''Den of Geek'', (May 27, 2009) </small> *'''Q''': Thinking back over your career, you were attached to over Alien 3 for over a year. Can you tell us what happened there? :'''Renny Harlin''': I had done Nightmare On ''[[A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master|Elm Street 4]]'', which just completely changed my life. All of a sudden I was meeting with Spielberg and meeting with the studios, and trying to figure out what I wanted to do next. And when the idea of Alien 3 came to me I felt that it was an incredible honour. I felt like [[Ridley Scott]] had made a masterpiece with ''[[Alien (film)|Alien]]''. [[James Cameron|Jim Cameron]] had made a masterpiece with ''[[Aliens (film)|Aliens]]''. And I felt, okay if I can take it to another level, then maybe I have a chance of making a masterpiece as well. And so I eagerly took the challenge, and I had offices on the Fox lot and I felt very excited. But then, as were developing the script, opinions between the studio and I were completely different. They basically wanted to make a movie that was just like Aliens – same kind of guns, just different place. <br> And they, for some reason, had this idea that they wanted it to take place on a big prison ship. And I didn’t get it. I said, “who cares about a prison ship?”. The whole basic idea of the Alien movies is that in the first one, it is a bunch of blue collar guys and women who could be truck drivers. It’s totally relatable. <br> And in the second one, it’s a war movie, and it’s these soldiers with Ripley going to battle these aliens, and there’s this little girl who represents humanity there. So again, very relatable. But if you do Aliens in prison, it’s like “who cares about the prisoners, let them die”. :'''Q''': What was it you wanted to do? :'''Renny Harlin''': My first concept was we go to the planet where the aliens come from, with Ripley and a team of scientists and soldiers, and we find out what they really are. Are they evil, horrible killing machines who are taking over the world? Or are they just animals with a survival mechanism? That’s one way that I wanted to do the movie. <br> Second way, I said “aliens come to Earth”. I pitched this idea where we are in a Kansas cornfield, and you just see these things going through the cornfield and you just realise the aliens have come to Earth. I said “just show the poster to the audience – it’s the biggest movie ever”. And they were like, “nah we don’t think so, it should just be outer space”. <br> So for about a year we just went back and forth with these ideas and finally when we had this script of a prison ship and aliens, I said “I’m sorry, I can’t do this”. And it was a very crazy and scary thing to do. I was 29 years old, I was dealing with a huge studio, which was my dream, and I quit. But I went on to make other movies with Fox, and David Fincher ended up doing Alien 3, and of course he’s now doing fantastic. But not necessarily because of ''Alien 3''. === "‘Alien 3′ Revisited: The Films of David Fincher" (October 4, 2017) === <small> Matt Goldberg, [http://collider.com/alien-3-review/#xenomorph "‘Alien 3′ Revisited: The Films of David Fincher"], ''Collider'', (October 4, 2017). </small> [[File:Cave_canem_MAN_Napoli_Inv110666.jpg|thumb|To the film’s credit, Alien 3 consciously doesn’t want to be a retread of the first two movies. The xenomorph doesn’t even carry human DNA, and instead comes from a dog, which turns it into a quadruped, even though that ultimately doesn’t make much of a difference. To quote Warden Andrews (Brian Glover), who has my favorite description of the xenomorph ever: “It kills on sight, and is generally unpleasant.” It’s also kind of background in a movie that can’t really be anything because it was torn apart at its fundamental level. They had sets with no story, characters without purpose, and discarded plotlines galore right down to seemingly insignificant scenes like the xenomorph coming out of an ox rather than a dog. The whole thing is a mess, and it’s an infuriating mess not only because it’s stifling Fincher’s talent, but because Alien 3 is littered with potential.]] * The movie opens with spooky, effective opening credits that completely rip apart everything you loved about Aliens. If Alien is mysterious, and Aliens is hectic, Alien 3 promises at the opening to be depressing as hell, which happens when you kill an innocent little girl in the opening five minutes. Combined with the death of Hicks, Alien 3 destroys the surrogate family unit from Aliens, and now Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) is the sole survivor of a tragic crash and the only woman on a desolate planet populated by murderers and rapists. <br> Except the prisoners have found religion, and this is where you can see Alien 3‘s split personality emerge. The religious angle from Ward’s script has been retained, but now it’s been shoehorned into a story where a skeleton crew of prisoners (the film has a weak explanation of why a huge facility would be kept running by and for about twenty people) now have Christianity for some reason. The script then tries to dance with this aspect, but it only remains an interesting idea even though there was the possibility that this idea could have been developed on its own merits despite being outside of Ward’s original intent. <br> These men have been able to turn their lives over to God, but they’ve also been devoid of temptation. There’s not much on the planet Fiorina “Fury” 161 worth wanting, and then Ripley comes into their lives, which begs the question of the value of faith without temptation. But then the movie’s ugliness reemerges when some of the prisoners try to rape Ripley. Then Charles S. Dutton rescues Ripley, beats the crap out of her attackers, and the attempted rape is never referenced again. * To the film’s credit, Alien 3 consciously doesn’t want to be a retread of the first two movies. The xenomorph doesn’t even carry human DNA, and instead comes from a dog, which turns it into a quadruped, even though that ultimately doesn’t make much of a difference. To quote Warden Andrews (Brian Glover), who has my favorite description of the xenomorph ever: “It kills on sight, and is generally unpleasant.” It’s also kind of background in a movie that can’t really be anything because it was torn apart at its fundamental level. They had sets with no story, characters without purpose, and discarded plotlines galore right down to seemingly insignificant scenes like the xenomorph coming out of an ox rather than a dog. The whole thing is a mess, and it’s an infuriating mess not only because it’s stifling Fincher’s talent, but because Alien 3 is littered with potential. It’s an atmospheric film, but it’s not worth breathing the air. Even Ripley is less interesting this time around even though there are plenty of places they could have gone with her character. * When it came time for Ripley to jump, Fincher wanted to stick by the religious angle that had been so thoroughly reduced throughout the picture: “I said ‘whatever happens she has to be in peace at the end.’ It has to be a sigh rather than gritting teeth and sweat. So we talked about it and went over and shot this blue-screen element. We were shooting that shot four days before the film opened, a completely ridiculous mess. I don’t know if it works.” <br> And it ends with gritted teeth and sweat. I have mixed feelings about the ending. Had Fincher been able to get his vision through, then perhaps that ending would work, but as it stands in the theatrical cut, the moment fits in with the ugliness that permeates the rest of this movie. A peaceful sigh doesn’t fit with a grey-brown palette, attempted rape, and a dead little girl getting her ribcage cracked open. Ripley and the alien had become one, and it cursed her until her final moment. === “FILM / Sigourney's mate worse than death”, (22 August 1992) === <small> Anthony Lane, [https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/film-sigourney-s-mate-worse-than-death-1541990.html “FILM / Sigourney's mate worse than death”], ''The Independent'', (22 August 1992) </small> [[File:The_Passion_of_Joan_of_Arc_(1928)_English_Poster.png|thumb|Fincher can't really tell a tale, but he can wheel on the awe with the best of them. I think he must have been watching Dreyer's [[w:The Passion of Joan of Arc|Passion of Joan of Arc]], which I saw again last month. Both films are graced by actresses with shaven heads and staring eyes, at the furthest reach of their powers; both pound along towards [[fire]] and [[sacrifice]], and edit our nerves into thin strips. Dreyer made a masterpiece, Fincher made a mess; but he rounds out a modern [[myth]], and in so doing ensures that, like Lieutenant Ripley, we will never [[sleep]] easy again.]] * That's it: the trilogy is now complete - uneven, incoherent, often unpalatable, but still one of the great achievements in popular cinema. The last part is the worst, no question, but it isn't your average sequel; for these films contained many sequels within themselves, the same old story flicking round time and again, refusing to give up for dead. As each movie came and went, the heart of darkness kept pumping away: The horror. The horror. The horror. <br> This time it starts with the credits. Slipped in between the names we see slashes of wild movement, the now familiar elements of evil: acid, fire, a hiss like a hot iron, something clamping on to Ripley's face. By the time we get to the name of the director, David Fincher, we know what he does best. He cuts fast and surely, like a surgeon in a hurry, delving towards the warm root of the problem. No wonder he shoots an autopsy so well. I'd heard about the scene and was dreading it, but there's nothing to look away from, unless you count the little two-handed saw shaped like a parsley chopper. Somehow it doesn't look sick; blood coils silently into a dish, no more than that, leaving our imaginations to do their worst. And their worst is their best, to judge by the nervous wailing that rose from the auditorium, dotted with giggles and gulps. * Alien3 is hopeless, scarfed in a rusty gloom that's light years away from the sheen of a good blockbuster; no wonder that American audiences soon learnt to stay away. It reads like a suicide note, a pulp version of Celine: 'I'd rather be nothing', or 'I need you to kill me . . . I'm dead anyway'. All three movies have been dank and dour, of course, and that is their triumph. After years of brushed chrome and spacious command rooms, along came Alien, and soon the lights were going out all over space. It was the first film to suggest that a spaceship was just that, a ship in space - a wet, primitive hulk, cavernous yet cramped, with all manner of malevolence shivering behind its timbers. The new film keeps up the claustrophobia but turns it inwards, too, putting the squeeze on the souls of the inhabitants and wringing the fight out of them. * The alien is all she has, and all she has to kill; Holmes is nothing without Moriarty, Achilles needs Hector more than he ever did Patroclus. Their whole life resides in these few hours of remorseless wrath. What of soul is left, I wonder, when the killing has to stop? <br> These are grand ways of looking at it, but then the Alien trilogy is grand. Not pretentious and talkative, just laden with images of doom and sexual control, the unstoppably fecund as well as the unbearably blocked. The final part doesn't let us down here, with all its writhing corridors and Satanic furnaces, the odd tongue of flame rasping against Piranesi girders and whale-grey walls. It suffers from poor supporting performances, and a plot that splutters instead of pushing on; but when the chase is on, all is forgiven. Fincher brings on the Steadicam and whips it through tunnels at alien pace, flipping upside down and bulging the walls with wide-angle lenses. You can't tell what the hell is happening, but you know it's hell all right. <br> I can't give the ending away, but I wish I could. Everything is wrapped up a treat - Fincher can't really tell a tale, but he can wheel on the awe with the best of them. I think he must have been watching Dreyer's [[w:The Passion of Joan of Arc|Passion of Joan of Arc]], which I saw again last month. Both films are graced by actresses with shaven heads and staring eyes, at the furthest reach of their powers; both pound along towards [[fire]] and [[sacrifice]], and edit our nerves into thin strips. Dreyer made a masterpiece, Fincher made a mess; but he rounds out a modern [[myth]], and in so doing ensures that, like Lieutenant Ripley, we will never [[sleep]] easy again. === “Alien 3” (May 20, 1992) === <small> Brian Lowry, [https://variety.com/1992/film/reviews/alien3-1200429655/ “Alien 3”], Variety, (May 20, 1992) </small> * The shape-shifting "Alien" trilogy reverts back to the form of the first film in this third close encounter—a muddled effort that offers little more than visual splendor to recommend it. Although certain to open strong thanks to the must-see faithful, look for a quick fade beyond the first couple of box office orbits as word-of-mouth and the dour tone pull "Alien3" down to earth, making it a likely also-ran among this summer's blockbusters. <br> In interviews, star/co-producer Sigourney Weaver has spoken of the producers’ conflict with Fox over crafting a more cerebral film rather than an outright thriller, and that indecisiveness shows. * In any event, Ripley (Weaver) finds herself stranded on a planet with a bunch of converted convicts who’ve embraced religion, led by Charles S. Dutton of TV’s “Roc.” The colony’s kindly doctor (Charles Dance), with whom Ripley shares another kind of close encounter, suspects something is wrong, but throughout the early part of the story Ripley won’t share her suspicions with him that an Alien has landed on the planet. <br> That reticence is only one of numerous inexplicable aspects of “Alien3,” which again relies on the same faceless “company” as an unseen heavy while toying furtively with the sexual politics of a lone woman trapped on a planet of murderers, rapists and miscreants. <br> In that vein, a significant problem stems from the fact that aside from Ripley and perhaps Dutton and Dance, none of these characters has a defined persona, making the bald convicts all virtually indistinguishable Alien-bait. * [[Music video]] director David Fincher doesn’t reveal much finesse with actors in his bigscreen debut, and the screenplay (by producers Walter Hill and David Giler, plus Larry Ferguson) proves fraught with lapses in reason, motivation and logic. <br> That leaves Weaver to carry the load, but her character is so encumbered with baggage that she can’t really showcase the qualities–particularly evident in the second film–that made the audience empathize with her. Much has been made of her shaved head, but Weaver has more importantly been shorn here, for the most part, of the epic strength that made Ripley such a striking female protagonist in “Aliens.” <br> As for the much-discussed re-shoot of the movie’s ending, one can only judge what’s on screen, which shows that the screams of heavy-handed religious symbolism can be heard even in space. * The Alien itself remains a technical marvel in its three repugnant forms, more a tribute to H.R. Giger’s original design than anything else. Fincher, turning to musicvideo editing techniques, resorts to rapid-fire glimpses of the beast, relying on a variety of methods ranging from rotoscoping to puppetry. <br> Still, we’ve seen those dripping jaws before, and even impressive shots of the creature rapidly scurrying across ceilings don’t justify the fare to be a passenger on this latest voyage. <br> Other technical aspects are also top of the line, although the production design proves so relentlessly bleak that there’s no relief from the film’s oppressiveness, even when there are lapses in the tension. While the look is an accomplishment, this isn’t the sort of environment that tag-along filmgoers–or even those who bring them–will relish visiting. ===“"It certainly wasn't an easy shoot": The story of Alien 3's tortured gestation, as told by its cast and creators”, (August 13, 2015) === <small> Darren Scott, [https://www.gamesradar.com/what-really-happened-doom-alien-3-development/ “"It certainly wasn't an easy shoot": The story of Alien 3's tortured gestation, as told by its cast and creators”], “Games Radar”, Contributions from SFX Staff published (August 13, 2015) </small> * By all accounts, Alien 3 should have been one of the most successful sequels of all time. At the close of 1986’s rip-roaring Aliens, Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley, having defeated her interplanetary acid-blooded adversaries, retreated into a space pod bound for Earth accompanied by her compatriots Bishop, Hicks and Newt. All four characters were (seemingly) put into a very safe cyber-sleep. The next instalment, one assumed, would pick up shortly thereafter – with the fabulous foursome awake, and in fresh surroundings, pitted against a new horde of hot-tempered Xenomorph menace. <br> Unfortunately, it was not to be. With ex-music video helmer David Fincher opting to take the franchise in an unexpectedly dark and dingy direction – with a plot detailing Ripley’s struggle for survival on an inauspicious all-male prison-world – 1992’s would-be summer blockbuster, Alien 3, was not what anyone expected. Highlighting just one solitary space-beast, and a group of gun-less victims, the often-meandering movie could not be further removed from the “gung-ho”, blood-pumping bullet ballet that propelled its immediate predecessor into a pop culture phenomenon. * Initially, the plan was to concentrate on Michael Biehn’s Hicks character – with Weaver taking a back seat to the action. When this idea was scrapped, later screenplays were commissioned – including an aliens-on-Earth option courtesy of Eric Red (who had penned the popular vampire potboiler Near Dark) to the now-legendary wooden-monastery planet take instigated by Vincent Ward (who obtained a credit for “story” on the final flick). Finally, though, original Alien creators Walter Hill and David Giler were brought in, alongside Highlander scripter Larry Ferguson, to form the film that became Alien 3 – although Fincher and his own pen-man, Rex Pickett, would do a further rejig as shooting was about to commence. * For some, part of the interest of the Alien franchise comes from the underlying elements of maternal malevolence and gender-subversion, from a male giving birth to the penetrative-parent alien. You can see Alien 3 as extending these intriguing elements, with Ripley forced to dominate a group of males, and in the process masculinising herself (witness that shaved head), before dying in the midst of giving birth to a beast that she, understandably, does not want to introduce to the world. <br> According to Hill, though, giving too much Freudian thought to this tale of torrid parentage is best approached with caution. “You would really need to explain some of that stuff to me,” he chuckles. “Listen, I once made a wise ass remark. It was about 25 years ago and I have never had so many letters in my life. I said something about psychoanalysis – basically that it is astrology for intellectuals, and I got about 200 letters scolding me. Everybody has to make a living, though, and some people have obviously decided they can make living out of writing that stuff on the Alien films. But that is not the business I am in. All I know is that we just wanted to make good scary movies. Maybe some stuff got snuck in there without me realising – who knows?” * “I was, and am, surprised that the franchise kept going,” admits Hill. “When we did Alien all we wanted to do was to bring a more sophisticated style of filmmaking to what had always been regarded as a B-picture. I always thought that if you did that you would have a commercially rewarding endeavour. But who knew that approach would lead to the Hollywood you have now, where more serious dramatic films have been squeezed out by that B-movie approach. The fact that our monster movie contributed to the loss of a wider approach to filmmaking is, in a way, quite sad.” <br> Such a pessimistic statement seems entirely fitting for a feature on sci-fi’s most famous feelbad follow-up. Even so, we would wager that few would argue that, in the grand scale of studio sequels, it’s unlikely that anyone will ever again dare to destroy a potent celluloid property like David Fincher did with Alien 3. For that reason alone, we can but admire the decisions – however mad – that led to this most unlikely of threequels. === ”The Unloved, Part 1: ALIEN 3” (December 1, 2013) === <small> Matt Zoller Seitz & Scout Tafoya, [https://www.rogerebert.com/mzs/the-unloved-part-1-alien-3-david-fincher-sigourney-weaver-feminism-science-fiction-heroine ”The Unloved, Part 1: ALIEN 3”], (December 1, 2013) </small> [[File:Stilke_Hermann_Anton_-_Joan_of_Arc's_Death_at_the_Stake.jpg|thumb|The sight of a woman testing herself against macho environments was always a fixture in the "Alien" series, with its threats of rape and impregnation, and its mostly male casts swaggering through landscapes of industrial or military machinery, cursing and smoking and muttering about "the bonus situation" or teasing each other as "ladies." But this aspect becomes more pointed, and more poignant, in "Alien 3." The inmates' [[misogyny]] is built right into the storyline. The [[religious]] elements are teased out through [[prayers]] and talk of [[devils]] and deliverance via Ripley's Joan of Arc figure.]] * The end product was set on an all-male prison planet, with inmates and jailers instead of monks, but it retained a bit of Ward's flavor. Everyone was bald thanks to a lice infestation. The sweaty domes, the faintly monastic single-sex casting of the prisoners, the fearful and hateful descriptions of women, and the invocation of religious language and imagery gave the whole thing a Biblical or medieval feel—and as Ripley overcame her depression and near-paralysis over losing her surrogate daughter Newt and maybe-boyfriend Cpl. Hicks in the crash, her possessed, crusading demeanor had echoes of Saint Joan. As Tafoya points out in his video essay, the direction, photography, writing and production design of "Alien 3" reference a tradition of religious art and tales of spiritual torment, even filming the shorn heroine so that she resembles Falconetti, the star of Carl Theodor Dreyer's silent classic "The Passion of Joan of Arc. * The sight of a woman testing herself against macho environments was always a fixture in the "Alien" series, with its threats of rape and impregnation, and its mostly male casts swaggering through landscapes of industrial or military machinery, cursing and smoking and muttering about "the bonus situation" or teasing each other as "ladies." But this aspect becomes more pointed, and more poignant, in "Alien 3." The inmates' [[misogyny]] is built right into the storyline. The [[religious]] elements are teased out through [[prayers]] and talk of [[devils]] and deliverance via Ripley's Joan of Arc figure. And much of the picture is—when you boil it down to its essence—about a woman who was sleep-raped by a monster trying to abort the spawn before company executives that masterminded the crime can cut it out of her, and use it as the seed for a biological weapons program. * Because the third film revolves almost entirely around Ripley's desire to protect the integrity of her [[body]]—specifically her womb—"Alien 3" feels more purely [[feminist]] than the previous two movies, for all their innovative images of a badass heroine fighting bugs whose bodies fused male and female genitalia into a Freudian nightmare. In the first movie, she's fighting to save her crew. In the second, she's fighting to save a little girl, and in so doing, embracing her own latent potential for motherhood; the climactic action scene even brings her face-to-face with another mother, the alien queen, in an egg chamber. These are all engaging, relatable motivations, but they're culturally conservative, because they play on the traditional image of woman as potential victim or maternal protector. <br> In "Alien 3," Ripley is fighting for Ripley, period. She has to. Nobody else will fight for her. She's been betrayed and abandoned by everyone and everything she ever valued. She's shattered by grief, staring numbly out at a universe that barely seems worth saving. She has allies but no protectors—nor, it seems, does she expect any, not after enduring so much suffering en route to this hellhole. The film's unexpectedly powerful final sequence flips the ending of Cameron's "Aliens" on its head. The second movie closed with an image of Ripley in hypersleep alongside her "daughter" Newt, with her potential mate Hicks slumbering nearby: a fairy tale image of a (makeshift) nuclear family, heartwarming in an almost Spielbergian way. The climax of "Alien 3" shows Ripley leaping into a firey pit to destroy the murderous "baby" inside of her. When it tears out of her gut anyway, she grabs it and holds it close to make sure it burns. Her pose evokes a mother cradling a newborn. === "Alien 3 is far from the worst Alien movie. In fact, it’s pretty great."], (May 22, 2017) === <small> Peter Suderland, [https://www.vox.com/culture/2017/5/22/15660296/alien-3-david-fincher-defense "Alien 3 is far from the worst Alien movie. In fact, it’s pretty great."], ''Vox'', (May 22, 2017) </small> * Reviews were generally unkind to the film that eventually made it to theaters, calling it stylish but shallow. Variety described Alien 3 as “a muddled effort that offers little more than visual splendor to recommend it,” while the New York Times complained that the film was too dark and too implausible. The third installment in the franchise “is nothing to scream about,” wrote a critic for the Washington Post. * Alien 3 is very much a David Fincher film, as distinctly the product of his dark and twisted imagination as ''Seven (film)|Seven]]'' or ''[[Zodiac (film)|Zodiac]]'' or ''[[The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011 film)|The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo]]''. Just as the icy survivalism of [[Alien (film)|Alien]] helped set the tone for Ridley Scott’s career, and the guns-blazing ferocity of ''[[Aliens (film)|Aliens]]'' helped pave the way for James Cameron’s later work, ''Alien 3'' works as a setup for the rest of David Fincher’s films. <br> It’s nihilistic and misanthropic, bleak and despairing, slickly shot and bathed in ragged industrial gloom. It’s a big-budget movie about human frailty and the inevitability of death in which the characters are never particularly likable or heroic and the protagonist dies at the end. As in ''Seven]'', the ending is a shock downer. As in ''[[Fight Club (film)|Fight Club]]'', the character relationships are built from a series of existential dialogues. As in [[Panic Room]], the story is driven by the need to use one’s surroundings to survive what is essentially a home invasion. The alien of ''Alien 3'' is, in a way, Fincher’s first serial killer. * Visually, Alien 3 may be the most distinctive entry in the franchise. Cinematographer Jordan Cronenweth, whose work on Blade Runner defined a certain decaying urban sci-fi aesthetic, had to quit after a short time on the job. But the final work by British photographer Alex Thomson is stunning in its own way. Backgrounds are textured with steam columns, damp surfaces, and sharp beams of light that give the sets a textured physicality. For much of the film, the camera lingers close to the floor, pointed up, as if to emphasize the close confines of the prison space and the impossibility of escape. <br> Beyond the visuals, Alien 3 also excels as an exercise in imaginative world building. Its lonely prison planet is as richly detailed and lived-in an environment as the industrial corridors of Alien or the abandoned mining colony of Aliens. Its sequestered society, in which a religious contingent effectively runs the prison while a small group of overseers struggles to maintain a facade of control, is as nuanced a cinematic sociology as the corporate power structures that drove the first film, or the military conventions that powered the second. Like its predecessors, Alien 3 is an exploration of human power dynamics in a confined setting and the limits of institutional control.<br> Fincher, in other words, put his own particular stamp on the tropes that animate the Alien franchise: He took the ideas that Scott and Cameron had developed and remade them in his own image. His ideas may be too bleak, too gloomy, too misanthropic for some, but they are clearly his, and in Alien 3 they are presented as forcefully as ever. === “MOVIE REVIEWS : ‘Alien 3’: The Ultimate Duel” (May 22, 1992) === <small> Michael Wilmington, [https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1992-05-22-ca-50-story.html “MOVIE REVIEWS : ‘Alien 3’: The Ultimate Duel”], ''LA Times'', (May 22, 1992) </small> [[File:MUTCD_W14-1.svg|thumb|Full of clanging corridors, belching furnaces and ravaging monsters, the cavernous maze-world of “Alien 3" (citywide) is not only seemingly the last stop for the entire “Alien” series--it looks like [[civilization]]’s last stop as well. <br> In a way, that’s what this erratic, ambitious super-thriller is about. It’s not just the ultimate [[duel]] between Sigourney Weaver’s beleaguered Ripley and the kill-crazy extraterrestrials that have chased her through three hellacious movies, it’s about running into the ultimate [[w:Cul-de-sac|cul-de-sac]].]] [[File:The Thing From Another World (1951 poster).jpg|thumb|The underlying theme of all the “Alien” movies, the distant glossy ancestors of [[w:Howard Hawk|Howard Hawk]]s’ 1951 “[[The Thing from Another World|The Thing]],” is the rot in the technology, bugs-against-machines. <br> In a way, this “Alien” capstone is about the end of everything, a technological and spiritual meltdown--which, considering the social and governmental breakdowns all around us, may be appropriate to 1992.]] * Full of clanging corridors, belching furnaces and ravaging monsters, the cavernous maze-world of “Alien 3" (citywide) is not only seemingly the last stop for the entire “Alien” series—it looks like civilization’s last stop as well. <br> In a way, that’s what this erratic, ambitious super-thriller is about. It’s not just the ultimate [[duel]] between Sigourney Weaver’s beleaguered Ripley and the kill-crazy extraterrestrials that have chased her through three hellacious movies, it’s about running into the ultimate [[w:Cul-de-sac|cul-de-sac]]. * “Alien 3" isn’t a classy, visionary nightmare like Ridley Scott’s 1979 “Alien” and it’s not really a hell-for-leather, super-tech toboggan ride like James Cameron’s 1986 “Aliens.” It has a different [[mood]] than either of its predecessors, and a different look: stylish but gloomy, portentously grim. It does succeed in rounding the three movies off, not smashingly but interestingly. * Fincher has good designers and a great cinematographer—Alex Thomson, who lit “[[Excalibur (film)|Excalibur]]” for John Boorman—and he’s obviously trying for something closer to Scott’s “Alien” than Cameron’s. A rock video specialist, he wants eerie Gothic chic instead of a slam-bang, cleanly lit apocalypse; he wants his images to have a shine, a pizazz, a depth. But, although “Alien 3" is stylish—and ambitious—the movie doesn’t have the soul or guts to sustain that ambition. It gets swallowed up in its own technology and genre expectations. And Fincher gets stalled in the drama, trapped in too many scenes of talking heads looming out of the gloom. * The underlying theme of all the “Alien” movies, the distant glossy ancestors of [[w:Howard Hawk|Howard Hawk]]s’ 1951 “[[The Thing from Another World|The Thing]],” is the rot in the technology, bugs-against-machines. <br> In a way, this “Alien” capstone is about the end of everything, a technological and spiritual meltdown—which, considering the social and governmental breakdowns all around us, may be appropriate to 1992. But, however much it tries, the movie can’t escape the bugs in its own machine: the money-driven monsters that keep driving it into infernal cul-de-sacs. == Cast == * [[Sigourney Weaver]] - [[w:Ellen Ripley|Ellen Ripley]] * [[w:Charles S. Dutton|Charles S. Dutton]] - Dillon * [[Charles Dance]] - Jonathan Clemens * [[w:Brian Glover|Brian Glover]] - Harold Andrews * [[w:Ralph Brown|Ralph Brown]] - Aaron * [[w:Paul McGann|Paul McGann]] - Golic * [[w:Danny Webb (actor)|Danny Webb]] - Morse * [[w:Pete Postlethwaite|Pete Postlethwaite]] - David * [[w:Holt McCallany|Holt McCallany]] - Junior * [[w:Peter Guinness (actor)|Peter Guinness]] - Gregor * [[w:Clive Mantle|Clive Mantle]] - William * [[w:DeObia Oparei|DeObia Oparei]] - Arthur * [[w:Phil Davis (actor)|Phil Davis]] - Kevin * [[w:Niall Buggy|Niall Buggy]] - Eric * [[w:Christopher Fairbank|Christopher Fairbank]] - Murphy * [[w:Lance Henriksen|Lance Henriksen]] - Michael Bishop (Bishop II) == External links == {{wikipedia}} *{{imdb title|id=0103644|title=Alien 3}} *{{rotten-tomatoes|id=alien_3|title=Alien 3}} [[Category:Alien (franchise)]] [[Category:1992 films]] [[Category:1992 American films]] [[Category:Science fiction horror films]] [[Category:Prison films]] [[Category:Sequel films]] [[Category:Dystopian films]] [[Category:Films about robots]] [[Category:Space adventure films]] [[Category:Films about suicide]] [[Category:Films directed by David Fincher]] [[Category:Films set on fictional planets]] [[Category:1990s English-language films]] [[Category:Films about monsters]] fdvi7amxuldfdnogr5gn48yb6z3kvqs 0 100756 3949181 3928494 2026-06-05T13:14:55Z ~2026-23137-91 3311059 /* Prince Nuada */ 3949181 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Hellboy II: The Golden Army|Hellboy II: The Golden Army]]''''' is a [[w:2008 in film|2008]] [[w:Superhero film|superhero film]] based on the fictional [[w:Dark Horse Comics|Dark Horse Comics]] character, [[w:Hellboy|Hellboy]]. After the elven Prince Nuada steals the first piece of the ancient crown which controls the Golden Army, he declares war upon the humans, and all [[w:Hell|hell]] is unleashed. :''Written by [[w:Guillermo del Toro|Guillermo del Toro]] and [[w:Mike Mignola|Mike Mignola]]. Directed by [[w:Guillermo del Toro|Guillermo del Toro]].'' {{center|'''Believe it or not &ndash; he's the good guy.''' <small>[[#Taglines|taglines]]</small>}} == [[w:Hellboy|Hellboy]] == * Oh, crap. * Open wide! * A forest god, eh? I'm gonna get me Big Baby. * You woke up the baby. * '''WHAT'S MY FLAW?!''' * Glasshole. * ''[Laughs hysterically; referring to [[w:Tom Manning|Tom Manning]]]'' Gas pocket. What an idiot. * Hey, I think we gotta lose the garbage truck. Sends out the wrong signal. * Lucy, I'm home! ''[Referring to the Fragglewump dressed as an old lady]'' * I challenge Prince Nuada... for the right to command... this army. * ''[About to fight Nuada]'' Don't worry. I'm not gonna kill him, Abe... but I am gonna kick his ass. * You jumpy, slippery bastard. I got you now. == [[w:Liz Sherman|Liz Sherman]] == * I&ndash; I hate it when people ''stare'' at me. It makes me feel like a freak. You had no right, [[w:Hellboy|Red]]. * ''[To Hellboy]'' I'll stay with you. You're the best man I know. * ''['''Hellboy:''' [Holding up the crown] All that power&ndash;]'' Don't even think about it. ''[Takes the crown from Hellboy and melts it, while the Golden Army deactivates]'' == [[w:Abe Sapien|Abe Sapien]] == * It's quite obvious it's a breathing apparatus! * You would do the exact same for [[w:Liz Sherman|Liz]]. * It's the last one!! ''[Last six pack of beer when opening the fridge]'' == [[w:Johann Krauss|Johann Krauss]] == * ''Damen und Herren'', Johann Krauss, at your service. * ''[as Hellboy fights the forest god]'' You must shoot it in ze energy ganglion! ''[Hellboy: "What?!"]'' Ze energy ganglion! ''Scheissekopf'', '''ZE ''HEAD!'' SHOOT IT IN ZE ''HEAD!''' * ''[To [[w:Hellboy|Hellboy]]]'' Are you threatening me? Because I zink I can take you. * Zere we are! Your temper &ndash; it makes you sloppy! Try to control it, Agent Hellboy, before it controls you. ''[Walks away, singing cheerfully in German]'' * ''['''Liz Sherman:''' So we have clearance then?]'' Agent Sherman&ndash; Liz&ndash; screw ze clearance! We will ''take'' zat plane! == Prince Nuada == * ''[After killing an auctioneer]'' Be quiet. ''[retrieves the first piece of the Golden Army crown; everyone screams in the background]'' '''SIT&ndash; DOWN!''' Proud, empty, hollow things that you are. Let this remind you&ndash; why you once feared the dark. ''[Releases a swarm of flesh-eating faeries unto all the auctioneers]'' * ''[After slaying his father; in Gaelic, regretfully]'' I always loved you, father. * ''[To the forest god's seed]'' Kill them. * ''[To Hellboy about the forest god]'' Demon! What are you waiting for? This is what you want, isn't it? Look at it. The last of its kind. Like you and I. If you destroy it, the world will never see its kind again&ndash; You have more in common with us than with them. You could be a king&ndash; If you cannot command, than you must obey. * I have returned from exile to wage war and reclaim our land, our birthright! And for that I will call upon the help of all my people and they will answer. The good, the bad&ndash; and the worst. * ''[To Hellboy]'' You may have mused in the past: "Am I mortal?" ''[Stabs him with a spear]'' You are now. * ''[To Abraham]'' Abraham, many people have died for this crown. And he will too. If you want to save him and see her again, you will find the missing piece and bring it to me. * I am Prince Nuada Silverlance, leader of the Golden Army! Is there anyone here who would dispute my right? * ''[Defeated, to Hellboy]'' Kill me. You must. For I will not stop. I cannot. ''['''Hellboy:''' Sorry, pal. I win. You live.]'' * The humans... they will tire of you. They have already turned against you. Leave them. Is it them, or us? Which holocaust should be chosen? We die, and the world will be poorer for it. * ''[Last words]'' Nuala, my sister... ==Tom Manning== *''[About Hellboy's publicity]'' I suppress each photo, cell phone videos, they cost me a fortune, and then they show up on YouTube. God, I hate YouTube! * ''[To Hellboy]'' You've murdered me. You have murdered me. You have ridiculed me, and you&ndash; you have brought this unto yourself. * When Tom Manning gets on the case, things get done. They get done, they get ''DONE!'' One hundred percent. I guarantee that. ==Others== *'''Goblin''': ''[Taking the group to the resting place of the Golden Army]'' Here we are&ndash; and there they are. Seventy times seventy soldiers. Sometimes I wish we'd never created them. Bim-bam went the hammers! Whoosh went the furnaces! One of those fires took my legs off. This is as far as I go. I'm not very good with steps. But if you're here to stop him, the Prince, I wish you luck. The Golden Army must not awaken. Undo what we did. == Dialogue == :'''Professor Trevor Bruttenholm:''' It is said that at the dawn of time, man, beast, and all magical beings lived together under Aeglin, the Father Tree. But man had been created with a hole in his heart, a hole that no possession, power, or knowledge could fill. And in his infinite greed, man dreamed of expanding his dominion over the entire earth. The blood of many an elf, ogre, and goblin spilled in their war with man, and King Balor, the one-armed king of Elfland watched the slaughter in dread and despair. But one day, the master of the goblin blacksmiths offered to build the king a golden mechanical army, seventy times seventy soldiers, that would never know hunger, and could not be stopped. Prince Nuada begged his father to agree. "Build me this army," the king said. And so, a magical crown was forged that would allow those of royal blood to command the Golden Army, if unchallenged. "I am King Balor, leader of the Golden Army." "Is there anyone who disputes my right?" And in his throne room, no one challenged his word. So the world was changed and the next time the humans marched, they felt the earth tremble beneath their feet and saw the sky darkened with monstrous shapes. The Golden Army have no remorse, felt no loyalty for pain. And King Balor's heart grew heavy in regret, so he called a truce. And divided the crown in three pieces, one for the humans and two for himself. In exchange, man would keep to the cities and the magical beings would own the forests. This truce would be honor by their sons and the sons of their sons until the end of time, but Prince Nuada did not believe in the promises of man. And it is said that he went into exile, vowing to return the day his people needed him most. So the Golden Army laid dormant, locked inside the earth&ndash; Waiting&ndash; And there it is to this day, awaiting the day the crown is made whole again. Silent, still&ndash; and indestructible. ---- :''[Nuada enters his father's audience chamber and kneels]'' :'''Nuada''': ''[In Gaelic]'' Father. :'''King Balor''': ''[In Gaelic]'' Why? Why have you done this? ''Why?'' :'''Nuada''': [In English] To set us free. All of us, Father. :'''King Balor''': ''[In Gaelic]'' You have broken an ancient truce between our people and mankind. :'''Nuada''': A truce based on shame! The humans... the humans have forgotten the gods, destroyed the Earth, and for ''what?'' Parking lots, shopping malls! Greed has burned a hole in their hearts that will never be filled; they will '''''NEVER''''' have enough! :'''King Balor''': ''[In Gaelic]'' What humans do is in their nature; to honour the truce is in ours. :'''Nuada''': Honour? Look at this place! Where is the honour in it?! Father, you were once a proud warrior. When did you become their pet? ''[turns to the crowd]'' I have returned from exile to wage war and reclaim ''our'' land, ''our'' birthright! And for that, I will call upon the help of ''all'' of my people. And they will answer &ndash; the good, the bad... ''[holds up the crown piece]'' and the worst. ''[Balor is horrified, as his hand goes to the crown piece in his armor]'' :'''King Balor''': ''[In Gaelic]'' The Golden Army! You cannot be that mad! :'''Nuada''': Perhaps I am. Perhaps they made me so. :'''Nuala''': ''[In Gaelic]'' Awaken the army? But our green fields cannot grow out of all that blood. Let the army sleep. If our days have ended, let us all fade. :'''Nuada''': We will ''not'' fade! :'''King Balor''': ''[In Gaelic]'' For the last time, my son, I ask you: is this the path you wish to take? :'''Nuada''': It is. I'm sorry, Father. :'''King Balor''': ''[In Gaelic]'' Then you leave me no choice. ''[Sighs, looks away]'' Death! ''[Balor's guards raise their weapons]'' :'''Nuada''': And you, sister &ndash; are you at peace with your king's verdict? :'''Nuala''': I am, my brother. I am. :'''Nuada''': Then very well. Death it is. ---- :'''[[w:Jimmy Kimmel|Jimmy Kimmel]]''': ''[On television; referring to Abe Sapien]'' And what about, what about this guy? Walking around with a toilet seat on his head. :'''[[w:Hellboy|Hellboy]]''': ''[Laughs]'' A toilet seat! :'''[[w:Abe Sapien|Abe]]''': ''[Defensive]'' It's quite obvious it's a breathing apparatus! :'''Hellboy''': Hey, I think we gotta lose the garbage truck. Sends out the wrong signal. ''[Laughs at television]'' :'''Abe''': Oh, you think ''that's'' our problem? Transportation? Hah. ---- :'''[[w:Johann Krauss|Krauss]]''': ''[Krauss speaks with a [[w:German|German]] accent]'' ''Damen und Herren'', Johann Krauss at your service. :'''Abe''': ''[Whispers to Hellboy]'' I like him. ---- :'''Nuala''': ''[With the others in the meat-locker]'' To wage his war, my brother needs this. ''[Holds up the crown piece]'' The final piece of the crown of Bethmora ''[Holds up the cylinder]'' and this map to the location of the Golden Army chamber. :'''Krauss''': The Golden Army. The harbingers of death, the unstoppable tide&ndash; :'''Hellboy''': ''[Under his breath]'' Howdy Doody. :'''Krauss''': Your Highness, if you hand the crown piece over to us&ndash; :'''Nuala''': No. Where it goes, I go. My father died to uphold the truce with your world. We must honor his noble intentions. :'''Abe''': The lady is in dire danger. :'''Krauss''': I take is your are vouching for her, Agent Sapien? :'''Abe''': Most emphatically, yes. :'''Krauss''': Even so&ndash; I am sorry, but we simply cannot assume such responsibility on our own. :'''Hellboy''': Lady just lost her father, what more do you want? :'''Krauss''': Ugh. You may not care, but there are procedures, rules, and little handbooks that&ndash; :'''Hellboy''': She's coming with us. You got that, gasbag? :'''Johann Krauss''': ''(offended)'' What&ndash; what did you call me? :'''Nuada''': ''(from behind the group)'' You! You will pay for what happened to my friend down there. :'''Hellboy''': ''(Turning to face him, sarcastically, pulling out his samaritan)'' Yeah, right. You take checks? :'''Nuada''': ''(Enraged)'' Demon. Born from a womb of shadows, sent to destroy their world, and you still believe you belong? :'''Hellboy''': Are we going to talk all night? Because I'm really sleepy. :'''Nuala''': No, Brother, no! :'''Nuada''': Kill him. ---- :''[Krauss runs into Hellboy in a locker room]'' :'''Krauss''': ''Gute nacht'', Agent Hellboy. ''[Hellboy gives him an annoyed look]'' Look, Agent, I know you don't like me, but I could take away your badge. :'''Hellboy''': Never had one. Kept asking, though. :'''Krauss''': You will learn to obey me, follow protocol and stay fockused at all times! :'''Hellboy''': Oh, that word &ndash; "fock-yused"? Yeah, with your accent, I wouldn't use it that much. :'''Krauss''': I knew Professor Broom, young man. :'''Hellboy''': You didn't know Professor Broom. :'''Krauss''': Yes, I did! :'''Hellboy''': ''[Dismissively]'' Shut up. :'''Krauss''': After my accident&ndash; :'''Hellboy''': Shut up! :'''Krauss''': ...he designed this containment suit. A wonderful man. And even then he was worried about your future. He&ndash; :'''Hellboy''': ''[Pointing at him angrily]'' Hey, gasbag, stop it! Right now. :'''Krauss''': Or what? Are you threatening me? Because I think I can take you. :'''Hellboy''': ''Excuse me?'' :'''Krauss''': You heard me. :'''Hellboy''': ''[Stepping towards him]'' I couldn't hear you from all the way over there. :'''Krauss''': I can take you. Because you have one fatal flaw. :'''Hellboy''': Oh, I wanna hear it. :'''Krauss''': ''[Chuckling]'' No, you don't! You can't take criticism. :'''Hellboy''': Try me. :'''Krauss''': ''[Pokes Hellboy mockingly]'' Can't take it. :'''Hellboy''': ''[Growls and gets right in Johann's face in rage]'' '''WHAT'S MY FLAW?!''' :'''Krauss''': Your ''temper!'' It gets the best of you. Makes you weak, makes you vulnerable&ndash; :''[Losing control of his rage, Hellboy punches Johann, shattering his glass headpiece and letting his gaseous form flow out; it vanishes under the lockers, while his suit slumps onto the floor]'' :'''Hellboy''': ''[Horrified]'' Oh, crap. Johann? Johann? Johann? Hey, Johann? ''[Glances around uneasily]'' C'mon, pal, hang in there, will ya? Johann? Johann! ''[Giving up, he leans against the lockers]'' &ndash;Damn. ''[sips from a can of beer; suddenly, a locker door slams into his face]'' &ndash;Ow. :''[More locker doors slam into him en masse, knocking him to the floor, where one leaves itself with an indent of his face; he then sits on a bench, inspects the can and tosses it away after finding it empty from his 'battle' with the lockers; Johann's gaseous form reemerges from the lockers]'' :'''Krauss''': ''[Cheerfully]'' There we are. Your temper &ndash; it makes you sloppy. Try to control it, Agent Hellboy, before it controls you. ''[Walks away, singing to himself in German]'' :'''Hellboy''': Glasshole. ---- :''[Putting his ear to the library door, [[w:Hellboy|Hellboy]] overhears a faint [[w:Soft rock|soft rock]] song playing on the other side; he enters and the song is different, now [[w:Classical music|classical]]]'' :'''Abe''': Oh, hello, Red. Well, you're up late. :'''Hellboy''': What are you listening to? :'''Abe''': Oh, uh, [[w:Antonio Vivaldi|Vivaldi]]. ''[[w:Il cimento dell'armonia e dell'inventione|Il cimento dell'armonia]]''. I particularly like the last&ndash; :'''Hellboy''': Hey, hey. What's that? ''[Referring to the item in Abe's hand]'' :'''Abe''': Um, just a remote. ''[Hellboy gestures at the hand behind Abe's back]'' Oh, uh&ndash; ''[Reveals a CD]'' this? Yes, um&ndash; :'''Hellboy''': &ndash;"Popular Love Songs." Wh&ndash;? ''[takes a moment to realize]'' Oh, Abe. You fell for the Princess? :'''Abe''': ''[sighs]'' She's&ndash; she's like me. A creature from another world. :'''Hellboy''': You need to get out more. :'''Abe''': She's alone in the world. I wanna help her. I need to care for her. :'''Hellboy''': You're in love. Have a [[w:Beer|beer]]. :'''Abe''': Oh, my body's a [[w:Temple (building)|temple]]. :'''Hellboy''': Well, now it's an [[w:Amusement park|amusement park]]. :'''Abe''': No, no, no. The [[w:Gland|glandular]] balance of&ndash; :'''Hellboy''': Just shut up and drink it, would you? ''[Abe sighs and takes the beer]'' What track? :'''Abe''': Eight. :'''Hellboy''': "[[w:Can't Smile Without You|Can't&ndash; Smile&ndash; Without You]]." :'''Abe''': I ''know''. :'''Hellboy''': Yep, I'm gonna need a beer, too. :'''Abe''': Well, see, I love this song. And I can't [[w:Smile|smile]]&ndash; ''or'' [[w:Crying|cry]]. I think I have no [[w:Tear duct|tear ducts]]. ''[Presses a button on the remote and "Can't Smile Without You" begins to play on the stereo]'' :'''Hellboy''': I wish [[w:Trevor Bruttenholm|Father]] were here. He'd know what to tell you&ndash; us. :'''Radio''': You know I can't smile without you. :'''Abe''': ''[Singing faintly]'' I can't smile without you. I can't laugh and I can't sing. I'm finding it hard to do anything. :'''Hellboy & Abe Sapien''': You see, I feel sad when you're sad. :'''Hellboy''': Woooo. :'''Hellboy & Abe Sapien''': I feel glad when you're glad. If you only knew what I'm going through, I just can't smile without you. You came along, just like a song. And brightened my day. Who'd have believed that you were part of a dream? ---- :''[Hellboy and Abe's singing echoes throughout the corridors and rooms of their paranormal headquarters]'' :Now it all seems [[w:Light-year|light-years]] away, :And now you know I can't smile without you; :I can't smile without you. ---- :''[Nuala looks into the fire. When she turns around, she finds Nuada standing behind her, causing her to gasp in fright.]'' :'''Nuada''': Very quick of you. The parchment, it was of no importance. ''[Picks up the red-hot cylinder]'' The cylinder&ndash; is very interesting. :''[Nuada rolls the cylinder across the table, leaving an imprint.]'' :'''Nuada''': We will find the Golden Army here. ''[Points on the location, then turns to his sister]'' As for the crown piece, I know it's here. ''[Caresses Nuala's hair]'' I can feel that much from you. Father always tried so hard to shield your heart from mine. But it's one of the books, and I will find it. :''[Nuada goes over to a bookshelf and takes out a blue book.]'' :'''Nuada''': Blue. ''[Looks through the blue book]'' You always look so beautiful in blue. ''[Closes the blue book and slams it on the table, causing Nuala to flinch. He takes out another blue book]'' Blue. Poetry. :''[As Nuada looks through the other blue book, Nuala glances at a third blue book that she hid the crest of the Golden Army crown inside. She turns back to her brother.]'' :'''Nuada''': Love found, and lost. ''[Closes the other blue book]'' Only words. ''[Slams the other blue book on the table]'' I will find it. :''[As Nuada continues searching, Nuala glances at an emergency alarm button.]'' ---- :''[After starting the plane, Abe meets up with Hellboy and Liz.]'' :'''Abe''': We need to leave now, before they run our clearance upstairs. :'''Krauss''': ''[Walks up to Hellboy, Liz, and Abe holding a red valvet bag]'' Guten Abend, meine Freunde. ''(Translation: "Good evening, my friends.")'' Do you have authorization to take that plane? :'''Liz''': ''[Takes out her gun]'' You're not gonna stop us, Johann. :'''Krauss''': ''[Stops walking]'' On the contrary, I've been giving it some thought, and we should be able to save Agent Hellboy. :''[Krauss tosses Abe the bag. Abe catches it.]'' :'''Krauss''': You say I'm not human anymore, but you are wrong. :''[Abe shakes out two rings.]'' :'''Krauss''': I understand you pain all too well. A long time ago, I lost the woman I loved. And that was, in fact, the source of my present misfortune. :''[Abe picks up a ring and looks at it.]'' :'''Krauss''': I will tell you about it one day. But for now, the tactical advantage is ours. Consider this, the prince lacks the crown piece, and without it, his army poses no threat. :'''Liz''': So we have clearance, then? :'''Krauss''': Agent Sherman, Liz, screw ze clearance! We will ''take'' zat plane! :''[Liz smiles.]'' ---- :''[Liz supports a badly-wounded Hellboy as they follow a goblin taking them to meet one of the only people who can save Hellboy; the Angel of Death ]'' :'''Goblin''': Hello, old friend! I have brought you visitors. And I have a favor to ask you. :'''Angel of Death''': ''[Speaks with a demonic rasp]'' I owe no favor to you, goblin. Leave! :'''Goblin''': But I have done so much for you! I have brought you many souvenirs. And he has something shiny. Something mine. :'''[[w:Liz Sherman|Liz]]''': [[w:Hellboy|Red]]? ''[Hellboy falls to the ground]'' Red! :'''Angel of Death''': Ah... [[w:Hellboy|Anung un Rama]]. :'''Liz''': You know that name? :'''Angel of Death''': And yours, Elizabeth Sherman. ''[Laughs briefly; stands up and spreads wings]'' At last. I have been waiting for you both many a winter moon. I am his death, and I will meet him at each crossroad. :'''Goblin''': Good, but... when can I have that which is mine? :'''Liz''': Can you save him? :'''Angel of Death''': It is for ''you'' to decide that. It is all the same to me; my heart is filled with dust and sand. But you should know it is his destiny... to bring about the destruction of the [[w:Earth|Earth]]. Not now, not tomorrow, but soon enough. Knowing that... you still want him to ''live?'' ''[Appears kneeling before Liz]'' So, child. Make the choice. The world, or him? :'''Liz''': ''[Without hesitation]'' Him. :'''Angel of Death''': The time will come. And you, my dear, will suffer more than anyone. :'''Liz''': I'll deal with it. Now save him. :'''Angel of Death''': It... ''[Reveals, in its hand, the spear tip of Nuada that was previously lodged in Hellboy's chest]'' is done. ''[Laughs softly]'' I have done what I can. Now, give him a reason to live. :'''Goblin''': Hey, friend! What about that which is mine? Don't forget about ''me!'' What about me? Friend? ''[The Angel of Death disappears into thin air, dropping the spear tip on the floor as he does so; the goblin picks it up and bites the tip]'' Ahh! Shiny! ---- :'''Nuada''': You're here. So, I assume you brought the remaining piece. :'''Krauss''': No, we didn't, but we should discuss&ndash; :'''Nuada''': I'm not addressing you, [[w:Tin Man|Tin Man]]. ''Abraham''. :'''Hellboy''': ''[Whispers to self]'' Abraham? :''[Abe walks forward to face Nuada.]'' :'''Prince Nuada''': My sister is well&ndash; :'''Hellboy''': Abe? :'''Nuada''': As I promised, so. :'''Nuala''': ''[Speaking Gaelic; subtitles]'' Don't do it. :''[Abe holds up the crest of the Golden Army crown.]'' :'''Hellboy''': What the hell are you doing?! :'''Abe''': You would do the exact same for [[w:Liz Sherman|Liz]]. :'''Krauss''': Agent Sapien, '''NO!''' :''[Abe throws Nuada the crest. Nuada catches it.]'' ---- :'''Manning''': What's going on? What's going on? :'''Hellboy''': I quit. ''[Hands over his belt and weapons]'' :'''Manning''': What? Are you serious? :'''Liz''': Looks that way, doesn't it? ''[Gives Manning her belt and weapon]'' :'''Manning''': What's wrong with you? You can't all just quit. :'''Abe''': ''[Hands over his belt and weapons, then pats Manning on the cheek]'' Watch us. :'''Hellboy''': ''[Comes back]'' On second thought&ndash; ''[Pulls out his massive 'Samaritan' revolver]'' &ndash;I think I'll keep this. :'''Manning''': Come on. Come on! Johann, they can't do this. Stop them. :'''Krauss''': Dr. Manning, suck my ectoplasmic schwanzstucker! ''[Leaves with the others]'' == About ''Hellboy II: The Golden Army'' == * The idea was we would create a whole back-story and a whole back-story for the characters but we would never verbalize it. In the same way, we would move the camera around as if we were in any other location &ndash; a shopping mall, a bazaar in the Far East. We would not do what is done so often in this thing where you do a close-up of each monster that you’ve spent money on and you give them each a little vignette. We are going to keep them in the background as if we have wandered into a real place and we are just shooting a real place. So I think that instead of detracting, because we did get some notes and concerns and they were saying, ‘Why don’t we shoot each creature? We spent $100,000 on this creature and it’s just in the background.’ I said, ‘Because that’s where you are flaunting it. When you are flaunting it, you really don’t care. Yes, there is a 20-foot monster lurking in the background but I’m never going to see it again.’ We have some things we designed called the Striders which were creatures that were only seen in the opening shot. They are like headless elephants. I based them on a Dali drawing, the long legged elephant, and we never see them again. Never again and we spent $100,000 or something modeling them. But that’s the whole point. Because we were fighting about the budget and each thing counted and they said, ‘But this is only one shot.’ I said, ‘Yes, but you need it!’ On the first date with a girl you leave a big tip and that’s really impressive. And they go, ‘That’s a 40% tip. What a nice guy.’ It’s the details, you know? ** Guillermo del Toro [http://www.moviesonline.ca/movienews_14974.html] == Taglines == * Believe it or not &ndash; he's the good guy. == Cast == * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] &ndash; [[w:Hellboy|Hellboy]] * [[Doug Jones (actor)|Doug Jones]] &ndash; [[w:Abe Sapien|Abraham "Abe" Sapien]] Angel of Death * [[w:Selma Blair|Selma Blair]] &ndash; [[w:Liz Sherman|Elizabeth Sherman]] * [[Seth MacFarlane]] &ndash; [[w:Johann Krauss|Johann Krauss]] * [[w:Luke Goss|Luke Goss]] &ndash; Prince Nuada Silverlance * [[w:Anna Walton|Anna Walton]] &ndash; Princess Nuala * [[w:Brian Steele|Brian Steele]] &ndash; Mr. Wink * [[w:Jeffrey Tambor|Jeffrey Tambor]] &ndash; [[w:Tom Manning|Tom Manning]] * [[w:John Hurt|John Hurt]] &ndash; [[w:Trevor Bruttenholm|Trevor Bruttenholm]] * [[w:Roy Dotrice|Roy Dotrice]] &ndash; King Balor == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=411477}} * {{rotten-tomatoes|id=hellboy_2_the_golden_army|title=Hellboy II: The Golden Army}} * {{metacritic film|id=hellboy2|title=Hellboy II: The Golden Army}} [[Category:2008 films]] [[Category:2008 American films]] [[Category:Fantasy films]] [[Category:Sequel films]] [[Category:Superhero films]] [[Category:Apocalyptic films]] [[Category:Comic book films]] [[Category:Films about demons]] [[Category:Elf films]] [[Category:Films about technology]] [[Category:Films about robots]] [[Category:Screenplays by Guillermo del Toro]] 0ppmhb4gmjzgjk65i1h250dym5lccdi 0 105733 3949201 3947496 2026-06-05T13:47:09Z ~2026-32327-69 3333493 /* Dialogue */ 3949201 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Hey Arnold! (season 1)|1]] [[Hey Arnold! (season 2)|2]] [[Hey Arnold! (season 3)|3]] [[Hey Arnold! (season 4)|4]] [[Hey Arnold! (season 5)|5]] | [[Hey Arnold!|Main]] | '''Films:''' [[Hey Arnold!: The Movie]] / [[Hey Arnold!: The Jungle Movie]] ---- '''''[[w:Hey Arnold!: The Movie|Hey Arnold!: The Movie]]''''' is a 2002 animated film based on the ''[[Hey Arnold!]]'' television series. Arnold, Gerald, Helga, the three protagonists as in the series, set out on a quest to save their neighborhood from a greedy, sinister developer who wants to tear it down and put up a enormous mall. '''''[[Hey Arnold!: The Jungle Movie]]''''' was released as a TV sequel in [[w:2017 in film|2017]]. :''Directed by [[w:Tuck Tucker|Tuck Tucker]]. Written by [[w:Craig Bartlett|Craig Bartlett]] and [[w:Steve Viksten|Steve Viksten]].'' == Arnold == * It's not flat. It's just a little low on air. ''[The ball pops and deflates]'' * We can refuse to sell our houses. * That went well. * ''[stepping on to the roof]'' Deep Voice! == Helga Geraldine Pataki == * If only I could find the guts to tell you. If only I weren't such a coward. If only I had your strength. * ''[watching from a roof]'' Blockapalooza, hah! Please. * I was walking, until you knocked me down, football head. * So? What's your point? == Eugene Horowitz == * This is our neighborhood! * How can they tear it down!? * How can they turn our smile into a frown!? * We may be just a few, but if me and you and you * But I thought the occasion called for it. ''[singing]'' We may be just a few == Dialogue == :''[First lines; The movie begins with we see the city's locations and Harold, Iggy and Lorenzo are playing baseball before Willie drives with his ice cream truck; A kid is giving money to Willie, having his ice cream and Willie reads the newspaper; Harold throws a baseball to Park; Park strikes out and the woman is at the window looks up to a baseball while putting clothes in the basket; we see Brainy and Harvey are at the market; Sid and Stinky are splashing water; the construction workers look up at the helicopter with a black wrecking ball; as the wrecking ball hits the apartments and pouring liquid on the family photo]'' :'''Gerald Johanssen''': I'm telling you, Arnold, your ball is flat. :'''Arnold''': It's not flat. It's just a little low on air. ''[The ball pops and deflates]'' :'''Gerald Johanssen''': Like I said, your ball is flat. Hey, I still can't believe we let those fifth graders beat us. :'''Arnold''': Well, the important thing is we tried our best. :'''Gerald Johanssen''': The important thing is we got our buns whooped. :'''Arnold''': Come on Gerald, we had fun. And we almost beat 'em. :'''Gerald Johanssen''': Why do you do that Arnold? Why do you always have to look on the bright side? :'''Arnold''': Somebody has to. ''[Arnold and Gerald notice FTi helicopters, and a crowd of citizens]'' Mr. Green, what's going on? :'''Mr. Green''': It's Scheck. He wants to buy up the whole neighborhood so he can knock it down and put up a fancy mall. :'''Arnold''': Who's Scheck? ''[The crowd is watching TV]'' :'''Reporter''': ''[on TV]'' The plan, which was approved by the mayor just moments ago, would allow Future Tech Industries to redevelop a six-square-block area between 33rd and 39th Streets. Oh, I understand the president and CEO of Future Tech Industries, Mr. Scheck, is about to make a statement. :'''Mr. Scheck''': ''[on TV; first words as to the mayor]'' Thank you. I just want to say I'm delighted at the mayor's support of our renewal plan. :'''Gerald Johanssen''': Nice suit. :''[A man with a white mustache shushes him]'' :'''Mayor Dixie''': ''[on TV]'' I am behind Mr. Scheck's project one hundred percent. ''[camera flashes]'' :'''Mr. Scheck''': ''[on TV]'' Although some of you in the affected area may have concerns about how this plan will impact your homes and businesses, let me assure you; change is ''good''. This plan represents the end of urban decay, the end of your broken-down shops and apartment buildings, the end of antiquated and dilapidated storefronts. It's time for a new world. Out with the old, in with the new. :'''Arnold''': What's wrong with old things? Some old things are great. :'''Harold Berman''': Yeah, like Mrs. Vitello. :'''Mrs. Vitello''': ''[hits Harold over the head with flowers]'' Whippersnapper. :'''Harold Berman''': Ow! :'''Mr. Green''': This has been goin' on for months. The city council recommended against it, but the mayor's lettin' him do it anyway. I never figured he could pull it off. :'''Gerald Johanssen''': What does it mean? :'''Mr. Green''': It means they want us to sell out, move away so this Scheck character and his big corporation can move in. :'''Crowd''': No! :'''Harold Berman''': No way! :'''Mr. Scheck''': ''[on TV]'' It's time to put the past behind us. I have seen the future, and it's Future Tech Industries. :'''Phoebe Heyerdahl''': But this is our [[neighborhood]]! :'''Rhonda Lloyd''': They can't just tear it down. :'''Eugene Horowitz''': ''[singing]'' This is our neighborhood! / How can they tear it down!? / How can they turn our smile into a frown!? / We may be just a few, but if me and you and you. ''[Arnold switches off the stereo]'' :'''Arnold''': Stop! Stop singing, Eugene. This is serious. ''[A truck carrying a bulldozer is speeding down the street]'' :'''Crowd''': Oh, my gosh. :'''Mr. Green''': We can't take this lying down. We should do something! :'''Harold Berman''': Yeah, but what can we do? :'''Arnold''': We can refuse to sell our houses. :'''Gerald Johanssen''': Well, I'll sign a petition! :'''Arnold''': Yeah. Let everybody know this is our neighborhood and we're not giving it up without a fight! :'''Helga Pataki''': ''[watching from a roof]'' Hah! Arnold! What an annoying little goody two-shoes. What a dopey little dreamer. What a corny little cornball. Always going around trying to get everyone to look on the bright side and do the right thing. How I despise him. And yet... I love him! I love him! I love his unerring sense of right and wrong. I love his unfailing insistence on the needs of the many over the needs of the few. But most of all I love the way his hair smells when I get real close behind him and he doesn't know I'm there, but then he turns and looks at me funny and I scowl at him and make an excuse for being so close, and then I insult him just to cover up the secret, adoring feelings for which I have so long and painfully harbored. Oh, Arnold! :'''Arnold''': Mr. Green can write the petition. :'''Mr. Green''': Say no more, Arnold. I'm already working on it. :'''Helga Pataki''': If only I could find the guts to tell you. If only I weren't such a coward. If only I had your strength. :'''Arnold''': We'll take it around the neighborhood and get everybody to sign it. :'''Helga Pataki''': But what if you lose? What if the neighborhood is torn down, and you have to move away, and we are separated, and we never see each other again, and I never, ever seize the chance to tell you how I really feel about you? Oh, Arnold, how I love you. :''[Brainy appears from a chimney, dressed up as a chimney sweep. Helga smacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Helga comes home]'' :'''Helga Pataki''': Dad! ''[To Miriam sleeping on a table]'' How's it going, Miriam? :'''Miriam Pataki''': Oh. Molasses, it's you. ''[Helga hears voices]'' :''[Big Bob Pataki, a looks like being, one point muscular, brown hair, short-sleeve green golf shirt, dark brown pants and black shoes, they three other guys]'' :'''Big Bob Pataki''': ''[first words]'' Okay, great, but where's the store go? :'''Nick Vermicelli''': ''[first words as Nick Vermicelli was seen gathered around a model of the neighborhood on a table]'' Alright. Right here. Big Bob's Beeper Emporium. Big sign, can't miss it from the freeway, and the overpass drops you big-bang-boom right in the parkin' lot. :'''Big Bob Pataki''': That's good. Yeah, right in the stinkin' lot. :'''Helga Pataki''': Dad? :'''Big Bob Pataki''': What do you want, Olga? :'''Helga Pataki''': It's ''Helga'', Dad. :'''Big Bob Pataki''': Right, ''Helga''. That's what I said. :'''Helga Pataki''': Could I talk to you? :'''Nick Vermicelli''': We gotta split anyway, Bob. We'll talk. :'''Big Bob Pataki''': Right, we'll talk. And send me the paperwork, I can't wait to get started. Hey, can I keep this pop-up thing? ''[He points at the model]'' :'''Nick Vermicelli''': You got it. ''[Nick and the other men leave the room]'' :'''Big Bob Pataki''': Alright. ''[to Helga]'' You know what this is? It's our future. See, here's where my new Super Beeper Emporium is gonna go up, right after we rip down the flower shop, and Green Meats and the rest of the block. :'''Helga Pataki''': Uh yeah, well, uh, about all that, Dad... I mean a lot of people are gonna have to move away and sell their businesses. :'''Big Bob Pataki''': Yeah, what's your point? :'''Helga Pataki''': Well, I was just wondering if this whole tear-down-the-neighborhood Future Tech thing is really necessary. :'''Big Bob Pataki''': Of course, it's necessary. It's more than necessary. It's progress. You can't have progress without a little pain. No pain, no gain. :'''Helga Pataki''': But what's wrong with leaving things the way they are? :'''Big Bob Pataki''': I'll tell you what's wrong with it, missy. Leave things the way they are and Big Bob's Super Beeper Emporium doesn't happen. :'''Helga Pataki''': But, Dad... :'''Big Bob Pataki''': Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey! I'll say this once, and I want you to hear it, little lady. Change is good. When the new Big Bob's Super Beeper Emporium goes up, the cash is gonna roll in and you'll forget all about the old neighborhood. And do you know why? Because we'll be ''rich''. And that means ''you'll'' be rich. You can have that pony you've been wantin'. :'''Helga Pataki''': Dad, I wanted a pony when I was five. :'''Big Bob Pataki''': Uh. Well, what do you want now? :'''Helga Pataki''': I don't know. :'''Big Bob Pataki''': Well, make up your mind, 'cause once this neighborhood goes down and my store goes up, you can have anything you want. And I mean anything. :'''Helga Pataki''': ''[looks at fashion magazine]'' Anything? :'''Big Bob Pataki''': That's what I said. We're gonna be stinkin' rich, girl. Rich. What's more important than that, huh? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Arnold comes home, FTi truck passes by]'' :'''Arnold''': Grandpa? :'''Grandpa Phil''': That's my name. Don't wear it out. ''[shark jaws fall down]'' :'''Arnold''': Grandpa, I'm worried. :'''Grandpa Phil''': Oh, don't worry, Arnold. We won't sell the boarding house. We're behind you all the way. Right, Pookie? :'''Grandma Gertie''': ''[in cheerleader outfit]'' Home team, home team, woo! :'''Arnold''': But what if Scheck gets everyone else to sell? :'''Grandpa Phil''': Then I guess they'll bulldoze down the neighborhood, short man. Pookie and I will have to move to an old folks' home and who knows what'll happen to you. You'll probably be sent to a foster home in some Midwestern state like [[w:Manitoba|Manitoba]] or... wait, no, that's not a state, that's a [[w:Province|province]]. Oh, no, Arnold! You'll be a [[w:Canadian|Canadian]]! :'''Arnold''': Grandpa, I'm serious. :'''Grandpa Phil''': I know, Arnold, but we're not cooked yet. Whatever happens, we'll all be OK, even if we have to become Canadians. You know, they have very good bacon there. Canadian. Bacon. This thing on? Come on, Arnold. Work with me. :'''Arnold''': Goodnight, Grandpa. Goodnight, Grandma. :'''Grandma Gertie''': Go, team! ''[Grandpa sits on the shark jaws]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[The next morning, FTi helicopters and a group of workers install huge Scheckvision TV screen on a roof. A crowd is watching at it]'' :'''Crowd''': Awesome! :'''Worker''': Release. :''[The workers unroll a huge sheet with "SCHECKVISION MALL-PLEX — INFORMATION HEADQUARTERS" written on it, and hang it below the screen]'' :'''Arnold''': What's going on? :'''Stinky Peterson''': You must be a sound sleeper, Arnold. They've been hammering on it all mornin'. :'''Sid''': Look! :''[On the Scheckvision screen it's written "30 DAYS UNTIL CONSTRUCTION BEGINS"]'' :'''Stinky Peterson''': Willikers! :'''Sid''': It's so wicked awesome. :'''Arnold''': You guys! It's not awesome. It's ''terrible!'' Read it. We've got thirty days left to save the neighborhood. :'''Stinky Peterson''': Look, it's that Scheck feller. :'''Mr. Scheck''': ''[on the Scheckvision screen]'' It's time for a new world. Out with the old, in with the new. I have seen the future and it's Future Tech Industries. :'''Stinky Peterson''': He sure gives me the willies. :'''Gerald Johanssen''': But you gotta admit, he looks good in a suit. :'''Arnold''': ''[annoyed]'' Gerald. :'''Gerald Johanssen''': I know, I know. I'm just saying. :'''Arnold''': Come on! ''[The boys run away]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Arnold, and other citizens of the neighborhood are trying to organize protests against tearing down the neighborhood. Helga is not sympathetic to them. The days on the Scheckvision screen are cointing down]'' :'''Monkeyman''': ''[after receiving a leaflet from Arnold]'' Monkeyman! :''[The Scheckvision screen shows: "6 DAYS UNTIL CONSTRUCTION BEGINS"]'' :'''Jolly Olly Man''': Yeah, six days to go, and then sayonara, suckers! :'''Arnold''': Six days. Enough time to try maybe one last big... thing. But... but what? :'''Rhonda Lloyd''': How about a party? You always throw the most ''outré'' parties, Arnold. :'''Arnold''': Yeah, a party. A block party. With music and food. :'''Rhonda Lloyd''': And finger sandwiches. Ooh! :'''Harold Berman''': Yeah, and food! :'''Arnold''': We'll have a concert! The music will be so loud that we'd end up on the news. And then people will get excited about it, and the mayor will have to change her mind. And she'll stop the bulldozers. :'''Friends''': Yeah! :'''Stinky Peterson''': What do we call it? :'''Rhonda Lloyd''': How about the "Save the Neighborhood Debutante Ball". :'''Kids''': Nah... :'''Gerald Johanssen''': Block Power, baby. :'''Stinky Peterson''': Blockenanny. :'''Eugene Horowitz''': Block Till You Drop. ''[Falls down]'' Ow. :'''Gerald Johanssen''': It's a Block Thing. I would know. :'''Sid''': A Block Party... Party? :'''Arnold''': How about... Blockapalooza? :'''Kids''': Yeah! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Arnold and Gerald are giving away passerbys leaflets with "SAVE THE NEIGHBORHOOD — BLOCKAPALOOZA !MUSIC - FOOD - FUN! This Saturday!" writtin on them]'' :'''Arnold''': Blockapalooza. :'''Gerald Johanssen''': This Saturday is the day. :'''Arnold''': Blockapalooza! :'''Gerald Johanssen''': Don't forget to get your tickets while they're hot! :'''Nick Vermicelli''': ''[getting a leaflet]'' "Save the neighborhood"? "Blockapalooza"? This we don't need. ''[Pulls out a cell phone and calls somebody]'' Yeah it's me Nick. I think we got a problem. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Ernie Potts plays accordion; Oskar Kokoshka and Mailman Harvey play saxophone; Grandpa (wearing a rasta wig) is on drums; Mr. Hyunh plays guitar; Suzie Kokoshka is a DJ; Grandma is tap dancing. Arnold and Gerald are at controls. They all play some kind of strange pokla rock music, and Grandpa smashes one of Suzie's records, annoyed by her DJ techniques. The crowd is cheering]'' :'''Helga Pataki''': ''[watching from a roof]'' Blockapalooza, hah! Please. :'''Reporter''': ''[for TV]'' It's called Blockapalooza, a last-ditch effort to save a forgotten neighborhood from the wrecking ball. A classic story of the little guy pitted against the corporate giant. :''[Nick Vermicelli and Big Bob are watching TV at Big Bob's house]'' :'''Big Bob Pataki''': What the heck are they doing? They'll mess up the whole deal! :'''Nick Vermicelli''': Forget about it. It's all taken care of. :'''Arnold''': ''[on TV]'' You know what this is about. It's our last chance to stand up and tell Future Tech Industries that we won't sell. We won't let 'em tear down our neighborhood. :''[The crowd on TV screen is cheering]'' :'''Nick Vermicelli''': One of our guys intercepted their permit, thereby making the whole assemblage illegal. :''[Police cars suddenly appear at the party]'' :'''Officer''': Go, go, go! :''[The crowd is panicking. Police breaks up the party. People are running away]'' :'''Gerald Johanssen''': ''[to the officer]'' Hey, what's going on? :'''Riot Cop''': This whole assemblage is illegal. :'''Arnold''': But we filed a permit. :'''Riot Cop''': We never got any permit. :''[Nick Vermicelli and Big Bob are laughing at the TV screen]'' :'''Voice''': Please disperse from this area at once! :'''Arnold''': Grandma? :'''Grandma Gertie''': Bring on your worst. We shall not be moved. ''[She chains herself to the door of the Sunset Arms]'' :'''Officer''': Come on. Nice and easy. ''[Grandma almost bites him]'' :'''Grandpa Phil''': Hey! Stop, that's a frail old lady! :'''Grandma Gertie''': ''[while she and the door she's chained to are carried into the S.P.A.T. car]'' Never give up Arnold. Never give in. Save the neighborhood. One if by land, two if by sea. Put the lime in the coconut. Mix it all up. ''[The car speeds away while she laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold''': ''[returns home]'' Grandma? :'''Ernie Potts''': ''[carrying his things downstairs]'' She's still in jail. :'''Arnold''': But I thought they were just gonna keep her for one night. :'''Ernie Potts''': She keeps trying to escape. Thinks it's a game. Fourth time they had to put her back. :''[We see Grandma trying different ways to escape, only to be thwarted every time]'' :'''Arnold''': Hi, Mr. Hyunh. Have you seen Grandpa? :'''Mr. Hyunh''': Oh, Arnold. We may never see each other again. ''[Runs away sobbing]'' :'''Oskar Kokoshka''': Hey, Mr. Hyunh, can I help you clean out your refrigerator? :''[Arnold comes up to his room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold''': Von Scheck? :'''Grandpa Phil''': I wonder if he's related...? ''[Telling about the Tomato Incident]'' Anyway, Von Scheck's men attacked the neighborhood, but the locals used guerrilla warfare. They made a barricade of turned vegetable carts and fought with whatever they had. They had lots of tomatoes. They were British tomatoes, which were small and hard and really hurt if you got hit with one. That did it. The redcoats were in full, ignominious retreat. That's why we eat American tomatoes, Arnold. Although I had one recently from Chile. Very juicy. :'''Arnold''': Grandpa, did that actually happen? :'''Grandpa Phil''': Of course. I sliced it up and put it in a sandwich. :'''Arnold''': No. Don't you see? This is our answer. :'''Grandpa Phil''': Yes. Yes, Arnold! Juicy tomatoes from Chile! Why didn't I think of that? :'''Arnold''': No, the Tomato Incident. If that battle took place right in the boarding house, this whole neighborhood should be a national landmark. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Big Bob is looking at the model again]'' :'''Big Bob Pataki''': So, my Super Beeper Emporium is going right here where we're knocking down these old shops, right? :'''Nick Vermicelli''': That's right, Bob. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold''': ''[to the bus driver]'' You're going up to the peninsula? :'''Murray''': Don't talk to the driver while the bus is in motion. :'''Gerald Johanssen''': But the bus isn't in motion. :'''Murray''': ''[starts the bus]'' Now it is. Get behind the yellow line. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Scheck''': "Sir. Sir. Yes, sir. Sir." Is that all you can say? :'''Guard''': No, sir. I mean, yes, sir. Sir! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bridget''': Okay, which one of you touched my button? ''[Arnold and Gerald are smiling in a slightly perverse way]'' :'''Arnold and Gerald Johanssen''' ''[in unison]'': ''Me!'' :'''Bridget''': Well, if you're gonna try and save the neighborhood, you're gonna need some equipment. ''[Pushes a button, revealing gadgets]'' Top of the line, state of the art. Mini condenser microphone for the ultimate concealed surveillance. Headphones and micro-radar tracking dish. 400:1 zoom lens binoculars with infrared capability for night vision. High tension, plastic wire, anodized steel pulleys and nylon straps for maneuvering in vertically-challenging situations. A two-way secure walkie-talkie for maintaining communication. And, a synchronized, programmable, glow-in-the-dark watch, set to Greenwich time and accurate within 1/10,000th of a second. And it all fits into this really cool AS-47 Junior Secret Agent utility belt. :'''Arnold''': Uh... How much does all this cost? :'''Bridget''': Well, since it's for such a good cause, it's on the house. I figure it's my contribution. :'''Arnold''': Great. We'll take two of them. :'''Gerald Johanssen''': ''[choosing spy equipment]'' Do the belts come in other colors? :'''Bridget''': Black or pink? :'''Gerald Johanssen''': Uh, we'll take black. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Arnold and Gerald are walking down the street, looking cool. Helga get off the bus and collides with Arnold and Gerald]'' :'''Gerald Johanssen''': Helga? :'''Arnold''': What are you doing here? :'''Helga Pataki''': I was walking, until you knocked me down, Football Head. :'''Arnold''': Sorry, Helga. We were just... :'''Helga Pataki''': Yeah, yeah, just out playing your dumb secret agent game. Aren't you a little old for that? Yes! :'''Gerald Johanssen''': Come on, Arnold. We got things to do. :'''Helga Pataki''': Ha. What, some new plan to save the neighborhood? :'''Arnold and Gerald Johanssen''': ''[getting on the bus]'' That's right. :'''Arnold''': Let's roll. :'''Helga Pataki''': Try taking off those lame shades so you can see where you're walking next time. Good luck, Hardy Boys. You're gonna need it. ''[laughs]'' Oh, my brave little football-headed hero on yet another absurd quest, this time to save the only home you've ever known, armed with nothing but your best friend and your sporty utility belt. Godspeed, my steed, my only, my love. ''[Smacks Brainy who was hiding in sewer manhole]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Trying to think up a way to save the neighborhood.]'' :'''Oskar Kokoshka''': Maybe we could paint the house with vanishing cream. Then it would be invisible. :'''Ernie Potts''': That is the stupidest idea I ever heard. What if it rains? Ding-dong! You ever think about that, Kokoshka? It'll wash the vanishing cream off, and then everyone'll see us. :'''Oskar Kokoshka''': Oh boy, you're right. :'''Ernie Potts''': What we gotta do is build a dummy neighborhood one block over. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ernie Potts''': Yeah? Just one little detail, Gramps. Where you gonna get the explosives? :'''Grandpa Phil''': From you, of course. Just go down to your job site and lift a couple hundred pounds of explosives when no one's looking. Huh? :'''Ernie Potts''': That's the craziest thing I ever heard, especially considering I got twice that much under my bed. ''[The rest of the boarders look at him incredulously]'' What? Hey, we all got our little peccadilloes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Murray''' ''[continuous quote]'': I drive twenty-five miles per hour. No exceptions, no discussion. :'''Gerald Johannsen''': ''[about the bus driver]'' I wonder what bee got in his boxers. :'''Murray''': Hey, you'd have a bee in your boxers too if you were in my moccasins. My girlfriend left me two weeks ago. Her name is Mona she said she wanted a ''whole'' man. :'''Gerald Johannsen''': "A whole man"? What's that mean? :'''Murray''': ''[shows them his prosthetic leg]'' I lost the real one in the war. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold''': ''[looking at Nick Vermicelli through high-tech binoculars]'' I think he's finally asleep, Gerald. ''[Notices that Gerald fell asleep]'' Gerald. Gerald. ''[Shakes him]'' :'''Gerald Johannsen''': ''[disoriented after waking up]'' Give me that key! ''[Realizing where he is]'' I was just resting my eye. :'''Arnold''': Come on, it's time to go in. ''[Pulls out a rope]'' :'''Gerald Johannsen''': Wait a minute. You're not gonna hang from that, are you? :'''Arnold''': Not unless you want to. :'''Gerald Johannsen''': I don't think it's my size. :''[After some time. Arnold hangs on the rope, Gerald lowers him into Nick Vermicelli's room]'' :'''Nick Vermicelli''': ''[mumbling while he's asleep]'' No problem. I'll fix it. :''[Arnold draws his hand closer to the key hanging on Nick Vermicelli's neck]'' :'''Gerald Johannsen''': Come on. Almost there. You can do it, buddy. :'''Nick Vermicelli''': ''[talking in his sleep]'' What is that? Who's going? :''[A droplet of Arnold's sweat falls onto Nick Vermicelli's face. Nick Vermicelli slightly opens his eyes and sees unclear Arnold's face]'' :'''Nick Vermicelli''': Ah, it's an angel. ''[Falls asleep again]'' :''[Arnold pulls the key off Nick Vermicelli's neck. Gerald pulls his up to the roof. They run away to the street. A street phone rings. Gerald picks up]'' :'''Gerald Johannsen''': Hello? :'''Deep Voice''': ''[on the phone]'' Good job getting the key. :'''Arnold''': Wait. Deep Voice. Where are you? :'''Deep Voice''': Don't worry about that. I'm watching all your movements. :''[We see the figure of the Deep Voice standing on the other side of the street]'' :'''Deep Voice''': I'm everywhere and I'm nowhere, but mostly I'm... everywhere. :'''Gerald Johannsen''': Come on, Deep Voice, cut the voodoo dolly mumbo jumbo, okay? :'''Arnold''': Yeah, why do you have to be so mysterious? :'''Deep Voice''': You two seem confused about who's calling the shots here. I am. Without me, you'll never get the document, you'll never save your neighborhood. You've got to get into Scheck's office. His safe deposit boxes are in a room behind his desk. :'''Arnold''': We have to get back into his office? :'''Deep Voice''': Right. Only this time, don't get caught. You've got to find a way to distract security away from the main entrance. Now, it's exactly two A.M. The bulldozers roll at seven. What are you waiting for? ''[Hangs up]'' :'''Gerald Johannsen''': Man, that Deep Voice is a pain in the... ''[He's cut by a bus passing by with its brakes hissing]'' :'''Arnold''': Come on. ''[The boys run to the bus]'' :'''Gerald Johanssen''': ''[to the bus driver]'' Hi, it's us. How you been? :'''Murray''': Oh, so it's the two juvenile delinquents who busted my door. :''[The boys get onto the bus]'' :'''Arnold''': Sorry about that. :'''Gerald Johanssen''': But we're kinda in a hurry... ''[Sees the sign "YOUR DRIVER'S NAME IS MURRAY"]'' Murray. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Grandma finally escapes through the sewer. Gerald points out at security cameras]'' :'''Gerald Johannsen''': Those cameras detect any motion. If we even move, they'll see us. ''[Arnold pulls out the remote-control car]'' Arnold, this is no time for playing with a toy car. :'''Arnold''': I'm not playing, Gerald. ''[The car speeds down the hall, and camera turns to watch it]'' :'''Head of Security''': ''[seeing something on the screen]'' What was that? :'''Guard''': Come on, let's check it out. ''[Two guards run away]'' :'''Arnold''': We can get to Scheck's office this way. Come on. ''[The boys get into Scheck's office]'' Deep Voice said to look in the room behind his desk. ''[Gerald pulls a book from a shelf, and it opens a secret door]'' :'''Gerald Johanssen''': What are you waiting for? ''[The boys see a huge number of safe deposite boxes. They sigh]'' Well, we'd better get started. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The men move TNT boxes from above into the tunnels]'' :'''Ernie Potts''': That's the last of it, Gramps. :'''Grandpa Phil''': Now all we have to do is run this wire up to the street and wait for the bulldozers to come. Then, we blow a huge hole, and they fall right in. :'''Oskar Kokoshka''': Sounds great, Grandpa. Now let's get out of here. :'''Mr. Hyunh''': Yes! It is still very creepy. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Banging is heard at the door; Nick wakes up and gets to his feet. He turns on the light and opens the door. Big Bob enters and he is furious]'' :'''Big Bob Pataki''': <big><big>'''''WAKE UP, ''YOU WEASEL!!'' I JUST READ THE FINE PRINT!! SO IT'S GONNA BE ''SCHECK'S'' BEEPER EMPORIUM, IS IT?! YOU WERE TRYIN' TO DOUBLE-CROSS ME!!'''''</big></big> :'''Nick Vermicelli''': I don't know what are you talking about, Bob. :'''Big Bob Pataki''': <big>'''''I READ THE CONTRACT, PALLY!! I GET A NEW BEEPER EMPORIUM, BUT SCHECK GETS FIFTY-ONE PERCENT OF MY COMPANY!!'''''</big> :'''Nick Vermicelli''': Okay, okay, so it's true. But you signed a contract, so there's nothing you can do about it. The ink's dry. :'''Big Bob Pataki''': <big>'''''YOU WERE IN ON IT THE WHOLE TIME!! YOU ''KNEW'' HE WAS GONNA SHAFT ME!!'''''</big> :'''Nick Vermicelli''': Yeah, so what if I did? It's a free country. :'''Big Bob Pataki''': <big>'''''REALLY? WELL, THEN IF IT'S A FREE COUNTRY, I GUESS I'M FREE ''TO BEAT THE LIVIN' SNOT OUTTA YA!!'''''</big> :'''Nick Vermicelli''': Now, Bob, don't get crazy! :'''Big Bob Pataki''': <big>'''''TOO LATE!!'''''</big> :''[Bob grabs Nick by the choking and starts to strangle him; Nick grabs a trophy and strikes it against Bob's head. Once they get in the kitchen, Nick pulls out an egg mixer that he uses for self-defense. Bob in turn uses a spatula. The two continue fighting each other until Nick splashes pickle-juice on Bob, he looks like a green face, and he rips off his shirt, now looking and acting like '''[[Hulk (comics)|The Incredible Hulk]]'''. Hulk-Bob lunges at Nick, but slips on the pickle juice and crashes against the fridge]'' :'''Nick Vermicelli''': Uh, Bob? :''[Nick slams the Refrigerator Door in Hulk-Bob's face, knocking him out. As Nick goes to the sink to wash himself. Nick looks in the mirror and finally notices that the key is gone]'' :'''Nick Vermicelli''': The key, what happened? Oh, no. That dream I had, that angel... That wasn't no angel, it was that football-headed kid! It was really happening! He must've stole the stinkin' key! ''[phones to Scheck]'' Yeah, Mr. Scheck. It's me, Nick. Listen, I got bad news. I think I lost the key. Yeah, the key. I think that football-headed kid took it. I don't know, I was asleep. I think he snuck in and stole it. Yeah, I know, I'm stupid! Stupid! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Arnold and Gerald are check the boxes]'' :'''Gerald Johanssen''': ''[tiredly]'' 997. :'''Arnold''': Aah. :'''Gerald Johanssen''': 998. :'''Arnold''': Nope. :'''Gerald Johanssen''': 999. ''[The key finally matches the box. Arnold opens it]'' :'''Both''': Empty? :'''Arnold''': Where's the document? :'''Mr. Scheck''': ''[from behind their backs]'' Looking for something? ''[Arnold and Gerald are startled]'' Well, here you are, back again. After I patiently explained that your mission is completely hopeless, it still is. Though I'm less inclined to entertain you after you broke into my building for the second time. Did you think you could get away with this? There are cameras everywhere. I record everything that goes on, day and night. Did you think I'd let you win, let you save your little neighborhood? Don't you realize who I am? I am Alphonse Perrier Du Von Scheck. ''[Scheck turns on the light revealing historical art]'' I can trace my ancestry back to the founding fathers. ''[Scheck angrily turns to a framed painting]'' You know when we lost control of this city? When that ridiculous Tomato Incident took place in your pathetic little neighborhood. ''[Scheck takes the painting from the wall, breaks it in half, and flings to the floor]'' Tearing it down and putting my name upon its place will be revenge of the sweetest kind. ''[Grins evilly]'' :'''Arnold''': But the document. Where's the document? :'''Mr. Scheck''': ''[laughs evilly, reaches into his jacket, and pulls out the document and a lighter]'' Unfortunately, like your little plan, it's about to go up in smoke. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Arnold runs. The phone on the wall rings, and he picks up]'' :'''Deep Voice''': ''[on the phone]'' Don't go out in the hall yet. It's swarming with guards. :'''Arnold''': Wait, how do you know I'm here? Where are you? :'''Deep Voice''': Don't worry about me. The point is you've got the evidence you need to save the neighborhood. Now we've got to get you safely out of the building. :''[He notices the shadow figure of the Deep Voice, and comes closer to him]'' :'''Deep Voice''': If you're caught now, all is lost. :'''Arnold''': ''[looking at the cloaked figure]'' Huh, Deep Voice. Tell me how I can get out of here? :''[Arnold drops the phone receiver and comes to the Silhouette of Deep Voice]'' :'''Deep Voice''': Okay, Arnold, listen. You've got to wait until the guards have gone to the other side of the building. I have a plan to distract them, but it'll only buy you a few minutes. :'''Arnold''': ''[steps on to the roof]'' Deep Voice! ''[thunder booms]'' :'''Deep Voice''': ''[hiding the face]'' Don't come another step closer. Pay no attention to that man with the Voice Box. :'''Arnold''': Who are you? :'''Deep Voice''': Uh-uh, n-no one in particular. ''[we can see a bit of Pink Clothes underneath the trench-coat]'' :'''Arnold''': ''[approches while Deep Voice moves back to the edge of the roof]'' No more games, Deep Voice, I'm not doing anything until I know who you are. :''[A stilt breaks, Deep Voice stumbles and falls on to the ground, reveals it was only Helga in Disguise]'' :'''Arnold''': Helga, you, you're Deep Voice? :'''Helga Pataki''': ''[still in voice box]'' Heh, heh. ''[normal voice]'' Looks like it. :'''Arnold''': But I don't get it. How come, how come you couldn't just tell me what you knew? Why'd you have to make up all this crazy secret identity? :'''Helga Pataki''': ''[nervously]'' No reason. :'''Arnold''': But Helga, you just risked everything to help me save the neighborhood. :'''Helga Pataki''': So, what's your point? :'''Arnold''': That's a pretty amazing thing to do for someone you claim to hate. :'''Helga Pataki''': Yeah, well, I'm a pretty amazing person, Football Head. :'''Arnold''': But, I thought you were on your dad`s side. I thought you were gonna get rich off the whole deal. :'''Helga Pataki''': Money isn't everything. :'''Arnold''': Helga, why'd you do it? :'''Helga Pataki''': ''[nervously]'' It's my Civic Duty. :'''Arnold''': Helga. :'''Helga Pataki''': Because I love a good mystery? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold''': I think I need to go lie down. :'''Helga Pataki''': I'll go with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold''': ''[to Murray driving really fast]'' Is there anything we can do? :'''Murray''': Yeah, you can get on your knees and pray this hunk of junk holds together long enough to get us uptown in one piece! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold''': Don't you wanna save all those people's homes? :'''Murray''': Not my problem, kid. :'''Arnold''': Don't you care that every building from 33rd to 39th street is going to be demolished? :'''Murray''': ''[eyes widen]'' 33rd to 39th Street? :'''Arnold''': That's right. :'''Murray''': Hey, that's where Mona lives. ''[yanks a lever switching the bus from "Uptown" to "Express" mode, then pulls the gear shift]'' Hang on to your goodies, kids! We've got a neighborhood to save! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Phil''': ''[As he and the boarders prepare for the bulldozers]'' Hey, where's Arnold? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Scheck''': Is the overpass wired? :'''Nick Vermicelli''': Yes. :'''Mr. Scheck''': Blow it. :'''Nick Vermicelli''': Ehm, just so it would have been straight, boss, this is pretty serious. :'''Mr. Scheck''': Serious? :'''Nick Vermicelli''': Yeah, you know, as in 15 to life. :'''Mr. Scheck''': ''[angrily]'' Just do it, you incompentent morons! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Big Bob Pataki''': ''[discovering the trench the boarders have made]'' Hey, what's goin' on? 286-DX plunger, high-gauge wire, C-47 tubing. I know what you're up to - you're planning to blow the street up, make a hole big enough to stop the bulldozers from knocking down the neighborhood. You could do serious jail time for that. :'''Grandpa Phil''': Well, I... :'''Big Bob Pataki''': You need any help? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold''': ''[sees Gerald praying in Hebrew]'' I didn't know you were so religious. :'''Gerald Johannsen''': Neither did I. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Scheck''': ''[last words as he gets arrested]'' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!|I would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for that meddling]] football-head, the kid with the weird stack of hair and that brat with the 1 eyebrow. :'''Helga Pataki''': ''[slams the door of the prison truck]'' Tell it to the judge, you big donut hole! :'''Big Bob Pataki''': Yeah, tell it to your cellmate in Holsom! :''[Big Bob sees Nick Vermicelli trying to run away. Bob growls and bodyslams Nick]'' :'''Big Bob Pataki''': ''[last words]'' Where are you going, Pipsqueak? :'''Nick Vermicelli''': ''[last words]'' Hey, Bob, I'll make it up to you. I'll buy you breakfast, we can talk, they have a special--AAAH! :''[But Big Bob won't have any of it and knocks Nick out with one punch]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold''': You didn't really mean all that, did you? You don't really love me, right? :'''Helga Pataki''': Right. :'''Arnold''': You were caught up in the heat of the moment, right. :'''Helga Pataki''': Right! :'''Arnold''': You actually hate me, don't you? :'''Helga Pataki''': Of course I hate you, you stupid football head, and don't you ever forget it! ''Ever!'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[at the end of the movie]'' :'''Arnold''': Now you're looking on the bright side. :'''Gerald Johannsen''': Somebody has to. ==Cast== * Spencer Klein as Arnold * [[w:Paul Sorvino|Paul Sorvino]] as Alphonse Perrier du von Scheck * [[w:Jennifer Jason Leigh|Jennifer Jason Leigh]] as Bridget * [[w:Francesca Marie Smith|Francesca Marie Smith]] as Helga Geraldine Pataki / Deep Voice * [[w:Jamil Walker Smith|Jamil Walker Smith]] as Gerald Johanssen * [[w:Dan Castellaneta|Dan Castellaneta]] as Grandpa Phil, Nick Vermicelli, Jolly Olly Man * [[w:Tress MacNielle|Tress MacNielle]] as Grandma Gertie, Mayor Dixie, Red * [[w:Christopher Lloyd|Christopher Lloyd]] as Coroner * [[w:Maurice LaMarche|Maurice LaMarche]] as Big Bob Pataki, Head of Security * Sam Gifaldi as Sid * [[w:Christopher P. Walberg|Christopher P. Walberg]] as Stinky Peterson * [[w:Olivia Hack|Olivia Hack]] as Rhonda Wellington Lloyd * [[w:Blake McIver Ewing|Blake McIver Ewing]] as Eugene Horowitz * [[w:Anndi McAfee|Anndi McAfee]] as Phoebe Heyerdahl * [[w:Justin Shenkarow|Justin Shenkarow]] as Harold Berman * [[w:Vincent Schiavelli|Vincent Schiavelli]] as Mr. Bailey * [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] as Miriam Pataki * [[w:James Keane|James Keane]] as Marty Green, Riot Cop * [[w:Elizabeth Ashley|Elizabeth Ashley]] as Mrs. Vitello * [[w:Michael Levin|Michael Levin]] as Ray Doppel * [[w:Steve Viksten|Steve Viksten]] as Oskar Kokoshka * [[w:Dom Irrera|Dom Irrera]] as Ernie Potts * [[w:Baoan Coleman|Baoan Coleman]] as Mr. Hyunh * [[w:Craig Bartlett|Craig Bartlett]] as Brainy, Murray, Grubby, Monkeyman ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2002 animated films]] [[Category:2000s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:Films based on animated television series]] [[Category:Hey Arnold!]] [[Category:Spy films]] [[Category:Animated films about revenge]] e8a75cxz1b14qfmodcw8y1w45zit3op 0 107775 3949419 3948988 2026-06-06T03:48:58Z ~2026-33625-15 3337022 /* Dexter Dodgeball [1.2a] */ 3949419 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''Dexter's Laboratory''''', otherwise known as simply '''''Dexter's Lab''''', '''''Dexter''''', '''''Laboratory''''' or '''''Lab''''', is an American animated television series created by Genndy Tartakovsky for Cartoon Network. It centers on a boy genius named Dexter who uses inventions to solve problems in his life. It was released on Cartoon Network on April 27th, 1996. In December 10th, 1999, Ego Trip was released. The show continues to be on its own channel and on the Cartoon Network chanel on YouTube. == Pilots == ===''Dimwit Dexter''=== :'''Factory Worker #1''': Sir, he can't make much long! :'''Factory Worker #2''': Just a little longer. :'''Factory Worker #3''': His sim asses are firing in arming incredibly rage. :'''Factory Worker #4''': Puncher rising! :'''Factory Worker #5''': She can't take it! :'''Factory Worker #6''': Run for your life! :''[Angrily, Dexter's face turns red, and Dexter begins to let out a loud yell with rage]'' :'''Factory Worker #7''': RUN! ''[The factory workers flee and run away]'' :''[Cut to the outside of Dexter's Lab, Dexter explodes and causes fires in his lab]'' :'''Factory Worker #8''': Shut it down. :''[The factory workers shut down the emotion factory, Dexter is seen naked and emotionless]'' :'''Factory Worker #9''': He said all the systems have shut down. :'''Neighbor Boy''': Hey, everyone! Dexter's running around in his underpants! ''[echoing]'' Underpants! Underpants! Underpants! == Season 1 == ===''Dee Deemensional'' [1.1a]=== :''[Dexter is being eaten by a monster and gives Dee Dee a message]'' :'''Dexter''': Take it! Give it to me in the past or I may not have a future! ''[Dee Dee turns the knob to the past]'' Dee Dee, you have to be inside the machine! :'''Dee Dee''': Like this? ''[then disappears from the machine]'' :'''Dexter''': I'm doomed... <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter''': Stop! If there was a message so important that it would require time travel, I would certainly not entrust it to my ''idiot'' sister. I would send myself. In other words... ''[shouting]'' I would not send you back in time even if..! If..If...I was being eaten alive! <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter''': It is up to you Dee Dee's! ''[the monster shakes salt on Dexter and eats him]'' Use my time machine! Go back into...the past...and give me this message...! :'''Dee Dee''': Message! You mean this message? :'''Dexter''': ''[reads the note]'' "Dexter, do not open the interdimensional doorway there's a monster inside. Best wishes, Dexter." But this is the message I just wrote! That means that I...That she...That this...WAIT! ''[the Dee Dee's both disappeared in the machine]'' I'm doomed. ===''Dial M for Monkey: Magmanamus'' [1.1b]=== ===''Maternal Combat'' [1.1c]=== :''[Dexter goes into the kitchen and sees Dee Dee mixing a bowl]'' :'''Dexter''': What exactly are you making Dee Dee? :'''Dee Dee''': A pie :'''Dexter''': By any chance that wouldn't be a POISON PIE! would it? :'''Dee Dee''': No. ''[Pours flour into the mixing bowl]'' :'''Dexter''': What is that white stuff that you are adding in? :'''Dee Dee''': Flour. :'''Dexter''': Aha! Flowers are for smelling they are not for eating. Poison! :'''Dee Dee''': Not poison, flour. Now go sit down and let me finish. Hmm, let's see ''[Dee Dee reads a mud pie recipe and grabs a handful of mud from a flower box and puts it into the mixing bowl]'' :''[Later Dexter and Dee Dee see the pie baking in the oven]'' :'''Dexter''': Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy I can hardly wait! ''[Dee Dee serves the pie in front of Dexter and Dexter takes a bite of it]'' Light flaky crust, rich taste, but I can't quite place the flavor, is it chocolate? :'''Dee Dee''': No. :'''Dexter''': Poison berry? :'''Dee Dee''': No. :'''Dexter''': I give up, what is it? :'''Dee Dee''': Mud. :'''Dexter''': Oh mud, I would have never guessed. Mud?! ''[Dexter spits it out]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Dad happily returns home to find two smoking robots and the shifty looking kids]'' :'''Dad''': Hmm, need to get that couch a polster. Hello honey! Hello Dexter! Hello Dee Dee! Hello honey! Hello honey! ===''Dexter Dodgeball'' [1.2a]=== :'''Dexter''': ''[Hands his excuse note to the "Coach" and happily walks away]'' If you need me, I'll be in the Science Lab. :'''Substitute Coach''': What's this crap? :'''Dexter''': ''[Turns around in shock]'' Who are you? :'''Substitute Coach''': I'm your Substitute Coach. :'''Dexter''': But, But, But... :'''Substitute Coach''': '''QUIET!''' :'''Dexter''': But my excuse! :'''Substitute Coach''': ''[Rips the excuse letter in half]'' What Excuse?! Now! Suit up! <hr width="50%"> :'''Coach''': ''[recurring line, slow motion]'' Dodge...ball! <hr width="50%"> :'''Boy''': Dexter, help me! Please help me! ''[A dodgeball hits him; the boy loses his grip on Dexter and slides off]'' Ugh! I... I'm hit! Good bye, Dexter... ===''Dial M for Monkey: Rasslor'' [1.2b]=== :'''Rasslor''': Welcome heroes of Earth! You have been chosen to receive the most glorious of gifts! The opportunity to face me, the great Rasslor, in a contest of strength and skill! For Aeons, I have scoured the cosmos searching for the one adversary who could provide me with suitable sport! Although, I have yet to find such a noble soul. Each creature, each race, more pitiful than the last. So I spare them the disgrace of their weakness by destroying their worlds! And now my quest has brought me to this timid little planet you call Earth. So, terrestrial heroes, can one of you quench my thirst for the divine conflict, the supreme struggle?! Or will your planet be doomed to the same fate that has befallen so many? :''[The heroes stare at him, confused]'' :'''Heroes''': ...What? :'''Rasslor''': Fight me or I destroy the Earth! Now let the games begin! <hr width=50%/> :'''Rasslor''': Incredible. I could crush your body, I could smash your bones, but I could never break your spirit. You are a marvel little monkey. Any world that could spawn one as noble as you is truly blessed. I SPARE YOUR EARTH! ===''Dexter's Assistant'' [1.2c]=== :'''Dexter''': Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter''': ''[sweetly]'' Assistant? :'''Dee Dee''': Yes? :'''Dexter''': Would you please assist me by...SHUTTING UP!? ===''Dexter's Rival'' [1.3a]=== :'''Mandark''': Yes, Dexter, I ''can'' read your thoughts, and I ''am'' smarter than you. <hr width="50%"> :'''Mandark''': Welcome to my laboratory! ''[Echoing]'' Laboratory! Laboratory! ===''Dial M for Monkey: Simion'' [1.3b]=== :'''Simion''': Brute force will get you nowhere. I am a man of class. Behold my succulent feast. King crab, swordfish, scalloped potatoes. But of course, if this is too rich for you, I'll have my cooks make you a ''[The shadowy warlord reveals to be a talking chimpanzee]'' banana split! <hr width="50%"> :'''Simion''': I never thought all the answers would be given to me in such a simple package. How could I not see that I have become of that which I hate? Only a monkey could show me that. Oh, my friend! I want to walk like you, talk like you! ===''Double Trouble'' [1.4a]=== ===''Dial M for Monkey: Barbequor'' [1.4b]=== ===''Jurassic Pooch'' [1.5a]=== :'''Dexter''': ''[to the audience]'' Anybody want to buy a dinosaur? ''[episode ends]'' ===''Dial M for Monkey: Orgon Grindor'' [1.5b]=== ===''Dee Dee's Room'' [1.6a]=== :'''Dexter''': ''[narrating]'' The horror. Of the landmarks in the home of my parents. My memory will forever rest in the room that belongs to my sister: Dee Dee. :'''Dexter''': Why am I breathing so hard? ===''Dial M for Monkey: Huntor'' [1.6b]=== ===''The Big Sister'' [1.6c]=== :'''Dee Dee''': ''[singsong]'' I ate your cookies! I ate your cookies! ''[blows a raspberry, turns on one foot and sticks her costume's tail in Dexter's face; she then ballet dances until she suddenly notices one of her arms then the other bursting out of her rat costume, which appear to be abnormally large and elongated; she then bursts out of the rat costume as a whole and starts growing to an immense size, with Dexter watching in dismay]'' Ooh, ''[points at the city]'' what's over there? ''[walks to the city just as Dexter heads out of the front door to watch his giantess sister entering the city]'' :'''Dexter''': ''[while jumping for joy]'' At last! With my sister gone, my intellectual pursuits shall be uninhibited! ''[walks toward the house then closes the front door]'' ===''Star Spangled Sidekicks'' [1.7a]=== :'''Dee Dee''': ''[laughs at Dexter's speech for wanting to be Major Glory's sidekick]'' :'''Dexter''': And what is so humorous about that? ''[Dee Dee continues laughing]'' Dee Dee stop this laughing this instant! :'''Dee Dee''': Okay, okay Dexter, don't get your underwear into a wrinkle. Look...You're my brother and all so I'll be honest with ya...''[amused]'' You've gotta be kidding me! ''[seriously]'' You don't got what takes. Just look at ya...''[measures Dexter]'' You're two foot nothing. ''[camera zooms on Dexter's glasses]'' You can barely see ''[puts her arm around Dexter's shoulder]'' and besides everything...You're a dork! ''[smiles]'' :'''Dexter''': ''[yells in frustration]'' :'''Dexter''': And I suppose you have what it takes to be a superhero's sidekick? :'''Dee Dee''': ''[shrugs]'' Of course. I have style, pizzazz, and I can punch and kick some. You know. ''[Dexter opens his mouth to talk]'' Yes? :'''Dexter''': ''[drops it]'' Forget it. ''[walks upstairs]'' There's nothing to be said. I will be Major Glory's sidekick and you will not. :'''Dee Dee''': ''[shouts upstairs]'' That's what you think Dexter! :'''Dexter''': No, Dee Dee! That's what I know. ===''The Justice Friends: TV Super Pals'' [1.7b]=== ===''Game Over'' [1.7c]=== :'''Dexter''': 'Master Computer?' Wow dad, thanks, a video game... An OLD video game... :'''Dad''': Well, I know how much you like gadgets and stuff, Dexter, but what you've got there is more than just a video game: It's a bargain! Got it for a nickel from a gypsy! ===''Babysitter Blues'' [1.8a]=== :'''Dexter''': ''[sounds like Jeff on his end of the phone]'' Oh, I guess we just got cut off. But I wanted to call you back and tell you that you have got cooties and I am love with Dexter. Bye. <hr width=50%/> :'''Dee Dee''': Hello! :'''Dexter''': Dee Dee, get off the phone! :'''Dee Dee''': Okay, but I'm still trying to find whatever it was I was looking for. :'''Dexter''': Great, okay, bye. :'''Dee Dee''': Bye! :'''Dexter''': Bye. :'''Dee Dee''': Bye! :'''Dexter''': BYE! <hr width=50%/> :'''Dexter''': ''[sounds like Lisa's boyfriend on her end of the phone]'' Oh, I guess we just got cut off. But I wanted to call you back and tell you that you have got cooties and I am love with....with...my football. Bye. ===''The Justice Friends: Valhallen's Room'' [1.8b]=== ===''Dollhouse Drama'' [1.9a]=== ===''The Justice Friends: Krunk's Date'' [1.9b]=== ===''The Big Cheese'' [1.9c]=== :'''Dexter''': Omelette du fromage. <hr width=50%/> :'''Bully''': Hey, Dexter! You talkin' to our girls? :'''Dexter''': ''[desperate]'' Omelette du fromage! Omelette du fromage. :'''Bully''': Hey, whoa, slow down, buddy. I didn't know it was like that, man. ===''Way of the Dee Dee'' [1.10a]=== :'''Dexter''': ''[enraged at Dee Dee]'' '''WHY DO YOU DO THIS?! YOU ARE SO STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! '''Oh, and let's not forget...'''''YOU EEDIOT!''''' :'''Stimpy''': Ow! ''[Rubs her face]'' Oh yeah!? Well just because I know how to have fun doesn't mean I'm stupid! I may not know all that scientifical makna logical stuff, but I know how to climb a tree, and I know how to pet a kitty just right. And I know how to tie my own shoes Mr zipper boot!... Actually, I feel sorry for you, Dexter. You're like a pickle - sour, and all bottled up in your laboratory. Toiling away alone in the dark, searching for answers to questions nobody asked. Locked away from the world, never to experience the ''true'' mysteries of life. Well, you can keep your cold, sterile little lab, because for me, the world is my laboratory! Goodbye, Dexter. I shan't impose on you ever again. :''[She leaves the lab; after a moment of silent contemplation, Dexter rushes out after her]'' :'''Dexter''': DEE DEE! ''[sadly]'' Everything you said was true! I don't want to be a pickle! But I need your help. Show me the way to be free, show me the way of the Dee Dee! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stimpy''': guess what ren? :'''Dexter''': WHAT IS IT YOU STUPID IDIOT! :'''Stimpy''': Duh, i Will date dee dee, if she is beatiful, especially her dress :'''Dexter''': NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Dee Dee''': Discard those ravlings which tie you to the lab. ''[Dexter looks down at his clothes]'' There must be a stripping of the old, before you start anew. ''[The next shot shows Dexter in just his underwear and gloves, in a nervous "Ta-Da!" pose]'' AND the gloves. ''[He reluctantly pulls them off]'' Now step into the light. :'''Dexter''': But, I don't have any sunscreen. :'''Dee Dee''': Do not fear, little one. The first step is always the hardest. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ren''': Alright Stimpy all you have to do is... :'''Stimpy''': What? :'''Ren''': DESTROY MY LABORATORY [Stimpy screams in pain] :'''Stimpy''': i can't do it ren, why did you let me to destroy your lab you eediot? :'''Ren''': and now, break up with Dee dee, because she keeps playing on my laboratory :'''Stimpy''': I CAN"T! :'''Ren''': DO IT! OR YOU WILL GET KICKED OUT! :'''Stimpy''': fine, i Will <hr width=50%/> ===''The Justice Friends: Say Uncle Sam'' [1.10b]=== :'''Major Glory''': Now we are going to over this again and again and again until we get it right! Comprende? :''[Valhallen and Krunk glare at Major Glory angrily]'' :'''Major Glory''': ''[Nervously]'' Perhaps I've pushed you too hard? <hr width=50%/> :'''Major Glory''': Uncle Sam! What happened to you?! :'''Uncle Sam''': Doctor's orders, nephew. Told me I was too high strung. Told me to loosen up. And I feel great. ===''Tribe Called Girl'' [1.10c]=== ===''Spacecase'' [1.11a]=== ===''The Justice Friends: Ratman'' [1.11b]=== ===''Dexter's Debt'' [1.11c]=== ===''The Justice Friends: Bee Where?'' [1.12b]=== ===''Mandarker'' [1.12c]=== ===''Inflata Dee Dee'' [1.13a]=== ===''The Justice Friends: Can't Nap'' [1.13b]=== ===''Monstory'' [1.13c]=== == Season 2 == ===''Beard to Be Feared'' [2.1a]=== :'''Dee Dee''': That is one rugged brother... :'''Mee-Mee and Lee-Lee''': Shut your mouth! :'''Dee Dee''': I'm only talkin' 'bout Dexter. :'''Mee-Mee and Lee-Lee''': We can dig it. ===''Quackor the Fowl'' [2.1b]=== ===''Ant Pants'' [2.1c]=== :'''Dexter''': Ants are... :'''Ed''': Stinky Hat! :'''Dexter''': To be respected. :'''Ed''': Stinky Hat! :'''Dexter''': To be respected. :'''Ed''': Stinky Hat! :'''Dexter''': To be respected. ===''Mom and Jerry'' [2.2a]=== ===''Chubby Cheese'' [2.2b]=== :'''Evil Commander''': We will meet again, little man. :'''Pedro The Mouse''': Yes! ===''That Crazy Robot'' [2.2c]=== :'''Robot''': I'll come to school with you. :'''Dee Dee''': Silly robot! School is for kids. ===''D & DD'' [2.3a]=== :'''Dee Dee''': You can be this guy! :'''Dexter''': What?! :'''Valerian''': Well, it seems Hodo the furry-footed burrower has joined in our quest! :'''Dexter''': I don't wanna be no furry-footed burrower. <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter/Hodo''': I unsheath my deadly...mandolin?! <hr width="50%"> :'''Dee Dee/Bachelorette''': Okay, say we're stranded alone on an island. Do you have any skills that would come in handy, bachelor number 4? :'''Dexter/Hodo''': I'd dig holes. ===''Hamhocks and Armlocks'' [2.3b]=== :'''Midge''': We ain't got no menus. We got hamburgers, ham sandwiches, and... hamhocks. :'''Dad''': Oh, well, we'll have four hamburgers, please! :'''Midge''': No, you won't. :'''Dad''': ''[confused]'' OK, ham sandwiches then! :'''Midge''': Trust me, you don't want em. HEY, MEL! FOUR ORDERS OF HAMHOCKS! <hr width="50%"> :'''Midge''': ''[seeing the robotic arm]'' My, that's a fancy watch. :'''Dad''': ''[looking at the watch on his non-robotic arm]'' Thanks! ===''Hunger Strikes'' [2.4a]=== ===''The Koos is Loose'' [2.4b]=== :'''Koosalagoopagoop''': You know, if you turn your lips inside out, you can look like Jimmy Carter. ===''Morning Stretch'' [2.4c]=== ===''Dee Dee Locks and the Ness Monster'' [2.5a]=== :'''Big Bad Wolf''': OK, enough with ze huffing and puffing! I blow 'is block off unless you can guess my name! :'''Dee Dee Locks''': Um... The little bad wolf? :'''Big Bad Wolf''': Ze WHAT bad wolf? :'''Dee Dee Locks''': The, um, small bad wolf? :'''Big Bad Wolf''': ''[growls]'' :'''Dee Dee Locks''': The...medium-? :'''Big Bad Wolf''': ''[growls louder]'' :'''Dee Dee Locks''': The, uh... big bad wolf? :'''Big Bad Wolf''': ''[laughs triumphantly]'' :'''Dee Dee Locks''': Ja, everyone? It's the ''"Big"'' Bad Wolf! ===''Backfire'' [2.5b]=== :'''Dexter''': At last! I have discovered a way to shorten the suffering of those long family road trips trapped in the car with Dee Dee! By blasting the car with anti-matter, it can accelerate to near light speed, shortening the trip to an increment of time so small. ''[Dexter picks a potion up]'' Even I couldn't stand to be around Dee Dee that long, and just in time too. It's sunrise! The family road trip begins in three hours! ''[Dexter walks near the car]'' Dad's car. The gilded cage. My anti-matter will transform this simple vehicle. It consists of anti-particles with positron-surrounded nuclei imposed of anti-protons and anti-neutrons. It will allow the car to travel an infinite number of universes simultaneously. Or, in other words, really, really fast! ===''Book 'Em'' [2.5c]=== :''[In a library, they go to the checkout counter]'' :'''Dexter''': ''[whispering]'' Here are my selections for today, Ms. L. :'''Ms. L''': My, my, Dexter. What a big stack you have. Why, Dexter, you're quite the little scholar. ''[She pinches Dexter's cheek]'' :'''Dexter''': ''[whispering]'' Aw, shucks. :'''Dee Dee''': Oh, brother. :''[Ms. L starts checking out the books]'' :'''Ms. L''': You know, if you keep this reading up, you'll be the patron of the month all of next year too. I don't think even Einstein himself was such an avid reader as you, Dexter. ''[Dee Dee reaches her hand up the stack of books and takes one of them down]'' No television, no donuts for you. I bet it's just all study, study, study day and night. Well, Dexter, I think you're all set. There you go. :''[She gives Dexter his stack of checked out books and he leaves. Dee Dee looks at the book she took]'' :'''Dexter''': ''[whispering]'' Thank you, Ms. L. Come on, Dee Dee. :'''Dee Dee''': Hey, Dex! There's no pictures in this book! :'''Dexter''': ''[whispering]'' Dee Dee! Come on! :'''Dee Dee''': But you forgot... :'''Dexter''': ''[whispering]''Dee Dee! :'''Dee Dee''': You forgot to check out! :'''Dexter''': ''[whispering]''Move it or lose it, sister! <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter''': Now I am going in. You just lower me down on this rope and I return the book. And remember: This is a library mission, so keep quiet! :'''Dee Dee''': ''[loudly]'' Okey dokey! :'''Dexter''': ''[sigh]'' Hold this. ''[He hands Dee Dee one end of the rope and dives into the library]'' :'''Dee Dee''': Back sure hurts! ''[A butterfly flies in and Dee Dee is dazzled by it]'' Pretty. ''[She lets go of the rope and chases after the butterfly and Dexter starts falling]'' :'''Dexter''': Dee Dee? ''[He falls]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter''': ''[quietly]'' How did you...? Wha...? How did you get...? That's it! I've had it with your monkey business! :'''Dee Dee''': But... :'''Dexter''': QUIET! :''[A noise alarm triggers]'' :'''Computerized voice''': ''[whispering]'' Warning. Noise level exceeded. :'''Dexter''': Whoops. ===''Sister's Got a Brand New Bag'' [2.6a]=== ===''Shoo, Shoe Gnomes'' [2.6b]=== :''[After learning that Dee Dee was gonna pass out cookies to the gnomes]'' :'''Dexter''': Stupid me. ===''Lab of the Lost'' [2.6c]=== :'''Dexter''': Look, there's R2-D2! ===''Labels'' [2.7a]=== :'''Dexter's Mom''': Honey, why is the carpet all wet here? ===''Game Show'' [2.7b]=== ===''Fantastic Boyage'' [2.7c]=== ===''Filet of Soul'' [2.8a]=== :'''Dad''': What can we say about our beloved Fishy? :'''Dee Dee''': Not much, we only had him for one day. <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter''': Good night Einstein. Good night Major Glory! Good night, ghost of dead Fishy. <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter''': Dee Dee! Did you see the disgusting spook-fish that almost killed me? :'''Dee Dee''': No. I just like to run around and scream real loud! <hr width="50%"> :'''Dee Dee''': ''[ghostly voice]'' Dexter! Dexter! Where are you?! Help me! Help me! :'''Dexter''': Dee Dee, are you playing tricks? ''[shakes fearfully]'' Hiding in the closet trying to scare me? :'''Dee Dee''': ''[ghostly voice]'' Dexter! The toilet! The toilet! :''[Dexter races to the bathroom to find Dee Dee's feet sticking out of the toilet; she is then flushed down the toilet]'' :'''Dexter''': Dee Dee! ''[Dee Dee is flushed down into the toilet bowl]'' No! Dee Dee, come back! Dee Dee, I'm ordering you to come out of this toilet! :'''Dee Dee''': ''[her apparition appears in the shower]'' ''Dexter, help me! I am trapped in the Sewer Beyond!'' :'''Dexter''': No, you're not! I just saw you go down the toilet! :'''Dee Dee''': ''Listen to me! There's lots of bad fishies and stuff here and they won't let me go! They won't rest until Fishy is on the other side! You've got to flush Fishy, Dexter!'' :'''Dexter''': ''[tries to reach Fishy's corpse]'' Can't reach! It's no use! My arms, they are too short! :'''Dee Dee''': ''Come on, genius boy! Figure it out!'' :'''Dexter''': ''[grabs a toilet plunger and pulls Dee Dee out. The apparition of Dee Dee disappears from the shower and Dee Dee is freed]'' Dee Dee, flush the fish, NOW! :''[Dee Dee tosses Fishy's corpse into the toilet bowl and flushes it down]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Dee Dee''': Whew! I'm sure glad that's over. Huh? :''[A tentacle extends out of the toilet bowl, grabs Dee Dee and pulls her back into the toilet]'' :'''Dexter''': LOOK OUT! EGAD! :'''Dee Dee''': Help me! Dexter, it's pulling me back, and they're angry, Dexter, REAL ANGRY! :'''Dexter''': ''[grabs the handle trying to pull Dee Dee free]'' Why?! We flushed the stupid fish! :'''Dee Dee''': Its soul, Dexter! It's still in the trap! ''[the Apparition Containment Unit shakes up with a WARNING signal active in Dexter's room]'' DO SOMETHING! ''[Dexter reaches for the fishing rod and grabs it just as the toilet begins flushing her down]'' HEEEEEEEELP! :''[Dexter casts his fishing rod which frees Fishy's soul and he departs into the afterlife. Dad then walks in]'' :'''Dad''': How many times have I told you? Early morning is daddy's special bathroom privacy time. ''[Upon the flash of lightning, he gains golden glowing eyes with slit pupils and sharp teeth and laughs maniacally]'' ===''Golden Diskette'' [2.8b]=== :'''Dexter and Prof. Hawk's fans''': You crazy girl! Look what you've done! :'''Professor Hawk''': Not to worry boys. ''[to Dee Dee]'' Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU. Thank you. :'''Dexter and Prof. Hawk's fans''': Hey! Hey! Hey! What's happening here, Professor? :'''Professor Hawk''': Oh, now, boys, hold on. It's very simple. You see, for the past several years I focused on brain power leading my body to wither. But this young princess reminded me how important my body was, with her innocence and naivety. :'''Dexter and Prof. Hawk's fans''': Princess?! But what about the mysterious grand prize? :'''Professor Hawk''': Mmm-hmm. You're right. I've got it! Let's have dance contest. Whoever wins, wins the factory! ===''Snowdown'' [2.9a]=== :'''Dexter''': ''[shouts from his bedroom to the living room]'' '''''DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!''''' :'''Dad''': ''[calmly]'' Yes? :'''Dexter''': I know she is my sister, a girl and the neighbourhood champ, but could you please tell Dee Dee to stop PUMMELLING ME WITH SNOWBALLS?! :'''Dad''': ''[shocked with a gasp]'' Did you say...snowballs? :'''Dexter''': Uh...Yeah.... :'''Dad''': ''[sadly]'' They...called me Champ. Back when I had...the gift. ''[flashes back to his childhood]'' I was a natural from day one. As I grew, so did my skills. In high school, I was untouchable! :'''High school kid''': Hey, grow up man! :'''Dad''': ''[voiceover]'' They were all just jealous! Jealous of my powers! For I was a king, a force of nature, I was the ultimate snowball warrior! Then I went to college. I was never the same again! ''[remembers being struck by one snowball; flashback ends]'' That...was the coldest winter...ever... But that's where you come in! You can help me reclaim my title! :'''Dexter''': Why not just let Dee Dee do it? :'''Dad''': No! Her powers are evil. Only as father and son can we truly carry on the legacy. Let the training begin! <hr width="50%"> :'''Dad''': Dexter, five words: Scoop, roll, throw, hit, duck! ===''Figure Not Included'' [2.9b]=== ===''Mock 5'' [2.9c]=== :'''Dad''': The first thing any racer needs is a car! All the best racers drive cars it's how they go but cars don't grow on trees! Except this one 'cos it's made of wood. Behold, the Mock 5! <hr width="50%"> :'''Mandark''': It's Racer D! The most beautiful racer in the world! Racer D.... ''[crashes his kart]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Dad''': I can't look, did he crash? No! No, he did just the opposite, he won! Winning is the part I enjoy most about racing especially when the winner is my son! Congratulations Dexter, you've made me very proud. :'''Dexter''': Thanks, Dad. :'''Dad''': If only your.... ''[sniffling]'' older sister Dee Dee were here to see this... :'''Dee Dee''': I'm right here, Dad! :'''Dad''': Oh, Dee Dee..! Dee Dee, where have you been all these years?! :'''Dee Dee''': Right behind you. :'''Dad''': Oh, you know I never look back there, ha-ha! :'''Dexter''': Huh?! No, Monkey! That's not candy! That's boiling lava! ===''Ewww That's Growth'' [2.10a]=== :'''Dee Dee''': Hey Dexter, looks like we're next. Dexter?! :'''Dexter''': Oh boy! Oh boy! We're next! <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter''': I'm on top of the WORLD! <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter''': This is the greatest day of my entire life! ''[his head gets hit by the top edge of the roller coaster's tunnel]'' ===''Nuclear Confusion'' [2.10b]=== :'''Dee Dee''': ''[narrating] Dexter, I have hidden your funny glowy thing! Now you have to find it! Just follow the clues! Won't this be fun?'' :'''Dexter''': Dee Dee! She does not realize the danger she has caused! If I do not retrieve the nuclear core in 1 hour, it will meltdown, causing a chain reaction which will destroy the Earth! And I won't be able to read my book! ''[runs]'' No time to waste! <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter''': ''[reads]'' Clue #1. Apple, cherry, blueberry. Are squared. Which pie holds the next clue? ''[tries to touch the pie]'' :'''Dexter's Mom''': Dexter? :'''Dexter''': Yipe! ''[turns to mom]'' :'''Dexter's Mom''': Ah... If you wanted some pie, all you have to do is ask. Which flavour do you want? :'''Dexter''': One of each. <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter''': Once again, my enormous intellect has triumphed. Now I can test my new lamp and read my book and... ''[finds out the book is gone and the paper is in the same place]'' No! The book is gone? How can-? Huh? ''[reads the paper]'' :'''Dee Dee''': ''[narrating] Dear Dexter, if you want to get your book back, just follow the clues!'' :'''Dexter''': Nooo! Deeee Deeeeee! ===''Germ Warfare'' [2.10c]=== ===''A Hard Day's Day'' [2.11a]=== :'''Dee Dee''': Mom! Dexter's mooning me! ===''Road Rash'' [2.11b]=== :'''Dee Dee''': Can't catch me! ===''Ocean Commotion'' [2.11c]=== ===''The Bus Boy'' [2.12a]=== ===''The Justice Friends: Things That Go Bonk in the Night'' [2.12b]=== :'''Major Glory''': You want a piece of me, junior?! :'''Puppet Pal Mitch''': Oh-hoo! You're bonking up the wrong tree, buddy! ===''Ol' McDexter'' [2.12c]=== :'''Jebediah''': Let me introduce you to the family. My name's Jebediah. This here's my very plain wife. I just call her Wife. There's little Ezra. His sister. They're the children. And here's our senior citizen, Grandma. She don't move much but she makes one heck of a scarecrow. :'''Grandma''': ''[squawks]'' :'''Jebediah''': We strive for simplicity here, Dexter. We do without those ''modern conveniences'' you take for granted. :'''Dexter''': Like neural net computers? :'''Jebediah''': Like plumbing. <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter''': ''[holds up a potato powered light]'' Hey Jebediah! :'''Jebediah''': ''[screams in pain]'' My eyes! :'''Dexter''': Look, I made a potato powered light just for you! :'''Jebediah''': Evil! I'll be having none of this! You must be punished! ===''Sassy Come Home'' [2.13a]=== :'''Dexter''': Why is it taking so long? I should have been famous a minute ago. ===''Photo Finish'' [2.13b]=== ===''Star Check Unconventional'' [2.14a]=== ===''Dexter is Dirty'' [2.14b]=== :'''Mom''': Dex, it's time for your bath! :'''Dexter''': But I'll miss my show! :'''Mom''': Don't argue with me, young man, just do it! ===''Ice Cream Scream'' [2.14c]=== :'''Ice Cream Man''': You are wanting to know why? You mean you do not remember? :'''Dexter''': Remember what? :'''Ice Cream Man''': April 19, one year ago: It is first day on job. Everything is going great, until you come. You want the most expensive ice cream. I make suggestion of cheaper ice cream, but no, you want expensive one. And after I'm giving you ice cream, you pay with PENNIES. Do you know how long it took me to count those pennies? :'''Dexter''': Emm... at an average human rate, I'd estimate about 5 hours and 33 minutes? :'''Ice Cream Man''': Precisely. And when the counting was done, it is time to put pennies in safe. Then I'm noticing my shoelaces untied. Now, I couldn't very well stop to tie my shoes since somebody had given me a heavy jar of pennies to hold, and the ice cream man rules say to keep any amount of money OVER a dollar in the safe. So, I trip, and I break my tooth. The pain, it is so bad. My girlfriend left me, I lose apartment, I lose car, I'm forced to live on the freeway with wild animals, I CAN'T EVEN EAT ICE CREAM BECAUSE OF THE PAIN! '''ALL BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID PENNIES!''' ''[screams in anger, then breathes heavily]'' :'''Dexter''': ''[chuckles]'' You know, I still have all of my baby teeth. Ern... I'm sorry. I'm really, really, really, REALLY sorry. :'''Ice Cream Man''': Forget about it, kid. :'''Dexter''': Well, in that case, can I order my ice cream now? :'''Ice Cream Man''': Sure. :'''Dexter''': I'll just have a Choco-Pop, please. ''[the Ice Cream Man gives him a Choco-Pop ice cream]'' At last, ice cream to eat! :'''Ice Cream Man''': Dollar fifty, please. :'''Dexter''': ''[gives a hundred dollar bill to Ice Cream Man]'' You got change for a hundred? :''[Ice Cream Man screams angrily again]'' ===''Decode of Honor'' [2.15a]=== ===''World's Greatest Mom'' [2.15b]=== ===''Ultrajerk 2000'' [2.15c]=== :'''Ultrabot 2000''': Greetings, Dexter. Welcome to my laboratory. :'''Dexter''': Emm, excuse me. But, did you say ''your'' laboratory? :'''Ultrabot 2000''': Yes, Dexter. My laboratory. While you slumbered, I began an analysis of your primitive laboratory finding it to be highly inefficient. I discovered that by salvaging useful components and destroying obsolete ones, I was able to create this tower capable of performing functions thousands of times greater than its predecessor, rendering a former laboratory and its creator ''obsolete''. And all obsolete materials must be destroyed. :'''Dexter''': ''[chuckles]'' Well, then. It sounds like you had a busy night. I'll just unplug it for a little while and you can get some rest. ''[Ultrabot 4000 Observation Unit attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter''': I have created a monster. I got to destroy him. :'''Ultrabot 2000''': I heard that. ''[Ultrabot 4000 Observation Unit attacks him again]'' :'''Dexter''': His laboratory, eh? We'll just see about that one. <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter''': ''[hides in a safe place]'' Drat. What I need is a diversion, something to draw their fire. Dee Dee! Oh, but Dee Dee is only around when I don't want her. ''[smiles in silence and pretends to be talking to Dee Dee]'' Oh, I certainly do have a lot of work to do, and I do not wish to be disturbed! I have no time to play now, so many thingies to do. :'''CatDog''': ''[arrives]'' Hi, Ho, Diggety! [Cat Screams and Falls] ===''Techno Turtle'' [2.16a]=== ===''Surprise!'' [2.16b]=== ===''Got Your Goat'' [2.16c]=== ===''Dee Dee Be Deep'' [2.17a]=== ===''911'' [2.17b]=== :'''EBS announcer''': ''We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.'' :''[The TV shows the last scene of the Action Hank episode]'' :'''Action Hank''': ''Phew! Well, I must say that was the most action I have ever seen. I doubt I will ever have a more adventurous adventure ever.'' :''[Dexter starts crying uncontrollably]'' ===''Down in the Dumps'' [2.17c]=== ===''Unfortunate Cookie'' [2.18a]=== ===''The Muffin King'' [2.18b]=== :'''Dad''': Like? Like?! Kids, I loved her muffins more than life itself. Those muffins are the reason I married your mother. <hr width=50%/> :'''Dad''': ''[Dressed as Mom]'' Muffin Time! <hr width=50%/> :'''Dad''': ''[Hidden in the dark]'' Dexter. Son, could you come in here for a moment? I need to talk to you. :'''Dexter''': And just what is it you want? :'''Dad''': ''[steps out of the shadows like Darth Vader]'' Dexter. I... am your father! :'''Dexter''': ''[shocked]'' That is not possible! Oh wait, no, you're right. :'''Dad''': So join me! Come to the Muffin Side. Do not resist. It is your destiny. :'''Dexter''': Never! ===''Picture Day'' [2.19a]=== ===''Now That's a Stretch'' [2.19b]=== ===''Dexter Detention'' [2.19c]=== :'''Dexter''': We are free! :'''Prison Warden''': Looks like you broke into the state prison. ===''Don't Be a Baby'' [2.20a]=== :'''Dexter''': Computer, what the heck is going on?! :'''Computer''': Goo goo ga ga goo goo pee-pee! :'''Dexter''': Hmm, yes, pee-pee... ===''Dial M for Monkey: Peltra'' [2.20b]=== ===''G.I.R.L. Squad'' [2.20c]=== ===''Sports a Poppin''' [2.21a]=== ===''Koosalagoopagoop'' [2.21b]=== ===''Project Dee Dee'' [2.21c]=== ===''Topped Off'' [2.22a]=== :'''Dexter's Dad''': Hmm... What the...? ''[cuts to mugs leaking coffee, coffee pot, and milk]'' The kitchen's a mess. Something wrong here...! ''[searches through cabinets]'' Coffee, coffee, where's the coffee? Hello, coffee?! '''WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE COFFEE?!''' :'''Dee Dee''': Uh... :'''Dexter and Dee Dee''': We drank it all. ''[Dad looks shocked, then eerily calm]'' :'''Dexter's Dad''': ''You''... drank the coffee? ''[laughs]'' You two drank the coffee? :'''Dexter and Dee Dee''': ''[nervous giggling]'' :'''Dexter's Dad''': ''[laughing]'' ''[goes upset]'' Where did I go wrong?! I thought I was a good father. I thought I brought you kids up right. You see, kids, coffee is what we adults need to get started in the morning. It's the key to our ignition. You kids don't need it. No, you've got youth! We adults need the coffee. But now, all we have is... ''[holds up empty coffee pot]'' THIS! ''[tries to get a drop from the coffee pot but nothing comes out]'' Empty! A mere shell of its former self! I've seen some pretty horrible things in my life, but this... this is just... ''[lowers his voice to a hiss]'' ''SICK!'' ''[sobbing]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Dexter and Dee standing in front of Dexter's parents in their morning clothes drinking coffee]'' :'''Dexter's Dad''': Everything is gonna be okay! We had coffee after all! ''[with a frightened look]'' But what if we didn't? ===''Dee Dee's Tail'' [2.22b]=== ===''No Power Trip'' [2.22c]=== :'''Dad''': Hon, when's the last time we washed the car? ===''Sister Mom'' [2.23a]=== :''[Dad appears from behind the staircase and grabs Dee Dee, who is disguised as Mom]'' :'''Dad''': Give us a kiss. :'''Dee Dee''': ''[She replies by pushing him away]'' Ew! Gross! I don't wanna kiss you! ''[She leaves]'' :'''Dad''': ''[dejected]'' So, what's new? :'''Principal''': So... as I was saying, we here at Huber Elementary take great pride in our brightest students like Dexter here ''[he rubs Dexter's head, Dexter laughs]'', which brings me to why I called you both here. It seems that, well, Dexter's grades are slipping. Now, ma'am, I know this may be hard for you to swallow, but... but... Dexter got an A minus on his last test. ''[starts crying]'' I'm sorry! :'''Dee Dee''': That's it? An A minus, that's what you did wrong?! :'''Principal''': Uh... :'''Dee Dee''': You give me a full body makeover all for a lousy A minus?! :'''Principal''': Um... :'''Dee Dee''': Jeez, I thought you stole the school mascot or destroyed the science lab... :'''Dexter''': Hey! :'''Dee Dee''': Or at least TP'd his office! :'''Principal''': Hey! :'''Dee Dee''': But no, you got a stupid A minus, ''[hits Dexter's head]'' dork. :'''Principal''': Oh my. :'''Dexter''': Well, "Mom", I wouldn't have gotten an A minus ''[jumps up and raises his voice]'' IF MY STUPID SISTER WOULD STOP BUGGING ME! :'''Dee Dee''': Dee Dee is not stupid! She is prettier, taller, nicer, friendlier, happier, and way more popular than you'll ever be! Plus, your father and I like her best so... :''[A fight between them breaks out]'' :'''Principal''': Um... Eh... Er... Wait. Er... stop? Please? Please! STOP!!! ''[Dexter and Dee Dee stop fighting]'' That's enough! Obviously, this Dee Dee is the root of a lot of aggression between you two. Which is why I'd like the three of you to talk to the school counselor, let's say, same time tomorrow? ===''The Laughing'' [2.23b]=== Stimpy: "It's Called... HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!" ===''Dexter's Lab: A Story'' [2.24a]=== :''[The dog is roaming around under the table sniffing around the family]'' :'''Dad''': So, Dexter, where's your new buddy? Oh! Well, hello down there! :'''Dog''': Hey! It's the man from before! :'''Mom''': Oh! :'''Dog''': This one's a lady! :'''Mom''': He certainly is friendly. :'''Dee Dee''': Oh! Yeah, a little ''too'' friendly. :'''Dog''': IT'S THE STICK! ===''Coupon for Craziness'' [2.24b]=== ===''Better Off Wet'' [2.24c]=== :'''Dee Dee''': Hmm... Now where was I going? ''[a bit of the roof lands on her head]'' POOL! ''[takes off like a jack rabbit, wearing her swimsuit, and sandals, arrives at the pool outside, flips off her slippers and puts on her swimming cap]'' Hurry up, Dexter! ''[rides the slide and lands into the pool before she squirts out water]'' :'''Dexter''': I am not ready yet. ''[takes his hat, dressing gown, and takes off his sandals, showing his purple swimming trunks]'' :'''Dexter's Mom''': ''[in her bikini and pumps, walks over to the pool]'' Dexter, ready to get wet?! :'''Dexter''': Almost! ''[rubs sunscreen onto his arms]'' :'''Dexter's Dad''': ''[appears behind Dexter's Mom]'' Hi, Dexter! ''[the camera pans in on a shocked Dexter]'' :'''Dexter''': NO! ''[takes off]'' :'''Dexter's Dad''': Dexter? ''[looks around]'' :'''Dexter''': ''[blinks on the roof, thinking he is safe]'' Phew... :'''Dexter's Mom''': ''[having thrown off her pumps, stands on the diving board, walks across to the edge, and bends down, but jumps into the air, and dives into the pool, just to disappear for mere seconds, and just in time to come back up]'' Come on in, Dexter, the water's great! :'''Dexter''': Okay, Mom. :'''Mee Mee and Lee Lee''': Hey, Dee Dee! We're here! :'''Dee Dee''': Hi, girls, come on in! <hr width=50%/> :'''Dexter's Dad''': Boy, they sure are talented. :'''Dexter''': You said it. ''[realizes Dad was right next to him]'' :'''Dexter's Dad''': Boo! :'''Dexter''': ''[screams in terror, Dad tries to push push him into the water, but fails when Dexter only bounces off of Dee Dee, Mee Mee, and Lee Lee's heads. He pants only for a short while]'' Phew! :'''Dexter's Dad''': Darn, I just can't get that kid! ''[He notices Dexter's Mom walking up to the pool]'' Oh, well! ''[while Mom dips one foot into the water to check if the water's nice, Dad runs up behind her and pushes her off the edge as she screams in terror and lands in the pool]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Dexter's Dad''': Good job, son, you finally made it in the pool. :'''Dexter''': Thanks, Dad, I don't know I was so shy of the water. ''[Dexter's Parents and sister laugh because Dexter is naked because he has lost his trunks!]'' ===''Critical Gas'' [2.25a]=== :'''Dexter''': ''[watch beeps]'' Oh, lunch time! ''[answers phone]'' Yes, hello, Burrito Palace? I would like to order a Big Bad Burrito, please. Thank you, goodbye. :'''Dexter''': Oh, the mother of all Burritos. :'''Mom''': Oh, your bunny pajamas! I thought you hated those. :'''Dad''': Son, you have given me the greatest gift that has ever been given in the history of gift giving! :'''Dexter''': You stupid robots! I order you to go out there and be free! ===''Let's Save the World You Jerk!'' [2.25b]=== :''[Earth is destroyed by meteors]'' :'''Dexter''': That was all your fault, you gnome! :'''Mandark''': No way! You're taking the heat for this one, Dexter! ===''Average Joe'' [2.25c]=== ===''Rushmore Rumble'' [2.26a]=== :'''Dexter''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Dexter''': YOU! ===''A Boy and His Bug'' [2.26b]=== ===''You Vegetabelieve It!'' [2.26c]=== ===''Aye Aye Eyes'' [2.27a]=== ===''Dee Dee and the Man'' [2.27b]=== ===''Old Flame'' [2.28a]=== ===''Don't Be a Hero'' [2.28b]=== ===''My Favorite Martian'' [2.28c]=== ===''Paper Route Bout'' [2.29a]=== ===''The Old Switcharooms'' [2.29b]=== :'''Mom''': You Kids are in big trouble. <hr width="50%"> :''[Dee Dee and Dad enter Dee Dee's room and see that Dexter has destroyed it and is naked]'' :'''Dad''': Grrrrr! :'''Dee Dee''': ''[gasps]'' Dexter, you're naked! ''[knocks the trophy out Dad's hands, destroying it]'' :'''Dexter''': Now look what you did Dee Dee. You clumsy fool! :'''Dad''': Grrrrr! :''[Cut to Dexter who is now in the doghouse, having switched "rooms" with the family dog]'' :'''Dexter''': Uh? Well, at least I don't have to worry about the dog destroying my lab. :''[Cut to the dog barking and howling and destroying Dexter's lab]'' ===''Trick or Treehouse'' [2.29c]=== :'''Dee Dee''': Well, well. Look who's smaller than a breadbox. :'''Dexter''': ''[inside the breadbox]'' Dee Dee! Let me out of here! :'''Dee Dee''': Ha! I didn't know you could stick your beak into my business, and to get even, I get to go play around in your lab. :'''Dexter''': Please! Dee Dee! No! No! Let me out! :'''Dee Dee''': See you 'round, shortbread! :'''Dexter''': Dee Dee! No! No! Please! Let me out! No! No! Please! No! No! No! No! :'''Dee Dee''': ''[giggles in Dexter's laboratory]'' :'''Dexter''': Please! No! No! ===''Quiet Riot'' [2.30a]=== ===''Accent You Hate'' [2.30b]=== :'''Gary''': You know, kid. You’ve got a funny accents. And if you haven’t read I hate kids with funny accents. <hr width="50%"> :'''Gary''': Get away from me! SHUT UP! '''''I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!''''' :''[The statue punches Gary. The kids gasp. Gary's face grows red and big]'' :'''Gary''': My face! It hurts! :'''Pirate Kid''': Arr! Now look who has the funny accent! ===''Catch of the Day'' [2.30c]=== ===''Dad Is Disturbed'' [2.31a]=== ===''Framed'' [2.31b]=== ===''That's Using Your Head'' [2.31c]=== ===''DiM'' [2.32a]=== :'''Dee Dee''': You know they're all gonna burn out eventually. :'''Dexter''': I know... ===''Just an Old-Fashioned Lab Song...'' [2.32b]=== ===''Repairanoid'' [2.32c]=== :'''Mom''': When an electrical problem arises, I call a specialist! ''[Dad appears with a helmet and tool belt]'' No, honey. Not you. ===''sdrawkcaB'' ''(Backwards)'' [2.33a]=== :'''Dexter''': ''[wears a Reverse Belt and walks backwards]'' !skrow tI !skrow tI .elbidercni si siht ,woW .snoitca nwo ym esrever yllautca oT ''[to Robot]'' .drawrof ,hguone si taht ,toboR ,yakO .drawroF ''[starts to get angry]'' -rof ,ydaerla thgirlA ''[gasps in reverse]'' .em ylliS ''[laughs in reverse]'' .mehA ''[to normal]'' ''Forward''. :'''Robot''': Forward. ''[sets the lever from Reverse to Forward to Red to Green]'' :'''Dexter''': ''[walks normally]'' Wow, my Reverse Belt is a success! I must make a note: In order to be understood, I must speak backwards so that it sounds as though I am speaking forward, or it is forward so that it sounds reversed? :'''Robot''': Reverse. :'''Dexter''': Aah! No, robot! Wait! ''[The robot pulls the lever; Dexter's Reverse Belt buckle turns red]'' !tiaW !tobor, oN !haA ?desrever sdnuos ti taht os drawrof si ti ro... I mean for... ward! :'''Robot''': Forward. :''[It pulls the lever; Dexter's belt buckle turns green]'' :'''Dexter''': Robot? :''Robot''': Yes, Dexter? :'''Dexter''': Please remind me never to oil you again. <hr width="50%"> :'''Mom''': Oh, there you are, Dexter. Be a dear and take out the trash for your mother. :'''Dexter''': But, Mom... :'''Mom''': ''[angry]'' The only "but" in this conversation is a spanked one, now get on it! <hr width="50%"> :'''Dad''': Ugh... I don't feel so good. Oh... ''[He notices Dexter running back and forth due to the Reverse Belt]'' Dexter, what have I told you about running on the stairs? <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter''': ''[Gasp!]'' Dee Dee? ''[Dexter's belt turns red]'' ?eeD eeD ''[!psaG]'' <hr width="50%"> ===''The Continuum of Cartoon Fools'' [2.33b]=== :'''Dexter''': Ah... Now I can get some work done in peace. :''[Dee Dee is working on an invention]'' :'''Dee Dee''': Hey Dexter, can you please pass the atomizer? :'''Dexter''': Oh certainly. ''[He then screams in shock]'' :'''Dexter''': All right, how the heck did you get in here?! Did you get in through the 2-Dimensional Facial Filter? ''[He presses a button and Dee Dee is compacted down a narrow passageway]'' Yes! ''[Dee Dee now completely flat suddenly walks up to Dexter]'' :'''Dee Dee''': No. :'''Dexter''': Did you get in through the secret Molecular Disconfiguration Access Port? ''[He tosses Dee Dee inside and Dee Dee is absorbed. Dee Dee appears next to Dexter.]'' :'''Dee Dee''': No. :'''Dexter''': A ha! You came in through the secret Sky Port. ''[They come into a room with a pigeon]'' :'''Dee Dee''': You're kidding? :'''Dexter''': Cassius, emergency exit! ''[Cassius flies her out of the lab.]'' :'''Cassius''': It's a living. <hr width="50%"> :''[Dexter swallows the key to the secret bookcase entrance]'' :'''Dexter''': THERE! NOW NO ONE'S GETTING IN! ''[maniacal laugh]'' :'''Dee Dee''': Hmmm... Yep. ''No one's'' getting into Dexter's Lab now. ''[leaves as Dexter's smile of insanity turns into a look of horror]'' :'''Dexter''': Uh, oh my dear... In my overwhelming zeal to banish my sister from the lab, I have indeed locked myself out! Too blinded was I not to foresee the most piteous of fates. I have thus performed the ultimate tragic irony! ''[now standing in front of the 'The End' title card]'' Surely, I am the fool of fools on a par with no other. I am no better than [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wile_E._Coyote that stupid coyote] or [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daffy_Duck that crazy duck]! Look at me, ''look at me!'' I am locked in a continuum of cartoon fools! I am doomed to a life of comic mishap adventures and social indignations! And now, here I stand before you, beaten, defeated and alone... ===''Sun, Surf, and Science'' [2.33c]=== ===''Big Bots'' [2.34a]=== ===''Gooey Aliens That Control Your Mind'' [2.34b]=== :'''Dexter''': The planets, the moon, make a wish, I wish for an alien lifeform! ''[a radioactive rock drops from the sky]'' Thanks! What you're made of? :''["No DNA found"]'' :'''Dexter''': Oh, impossible, unless... ''[gasps]'' he escapes. Come back here. Gotcha! Drat! :'''Dad''': Freeze, FBI! ''[sprays garden hose on the car, and laughs]'' :'''Dee Dee''': Hi mom, nice blueprint. :'''Mom''': ''[in alien voice]'' BRUSH YOUR TEETH. :'''Dad''': ''[in alien voice]'' Nice Blueprint. :'''Mom''': Help me with the table. :'''Dee Dee''': You say it. ===''Misplaced in Space'' [2.34c]=== :'''Alien''': Gork. :'''Dexter''': ''[translating on his watch]'' 'Food?' Yeah, 'food'. You ate mine, yours, and everybody else's! :'''Alien''': Gork. :'''Dexter''': You can't still be hungry :'''Alien''': Gork... :'''Dexter''': Wh...Why are you looking at me like that? :'''Alien''': GORK! ===''Dee Dee's Rival'' [2.35a]=== :'''Dee Dee''': Dexter! Dexter! ''[Dexter smashed his control with a hammer]'' Oh Dexter. I'm so glad you're here! I need your help! There's a new girl in dance class and she thinks she's better than me. And I want to be a star of the show and thought... :'''Lala Vala''': ...use your science junk to help me beat that skinny creep. :'''Dee Dee''': I have to win, Dexter. Or else... :'''Lala Vala''': ...I'll be forced to break your nerdy... :'''Dee Dee''': ...face any of the kids in class again! Please! Oh please! Oh... :'''Mandark''': ...Oh Please don't hurt me! Please don't hurt me! I'll do it. :'''Dexter''': But you better keep up your end of the bargain and I'll handle the rest. :'''Dee Dee''': Oh thank you, Dexter. ''[kisses Dexter's nose and laughs]'' :'''Lala Vala''' ''[flings Mandark's nose and laughs]'' ===''Pslightly Psycho'' [2.35b]=== :'''Dexter, Dee Dee and Dad''': Happy Mother's Day! :'''Mom''': New Gloves! ===''Game for a Game'' [2.35c]=== ===''Blackfoot and Slim'' [2.36a]=== :'''Narrator''': The Concrete Jungle. Deep within its seemingly endless towers, glass, steel and mortar, life exists. <hr width="50%"> :'''Narrator''': For someday, we shall return to check up on this wonderful creature. This wonderful world of Blackfoot. ===''Trapped With a Vengeance'' [2.36b]=== :'''Yani''': ''[narrating]'' My job is simple. After the designated hours of education, the children exit to return home, while I clean, sweep and prepare their environment for the next day of education in sterile surroundings. For I am Yani the janitor. It is an uncomplicated job that leaves me much time after to spend with my beloved wife, but one children continues to complicate situation and torture. ''[Dexter laughs evilly in a deep voice]'' Night after night, he stays much time past designated hours. And when he decides to go, he leaves a residue of filth that prolongs me for my beloved for several more hours. And when I return home, my love is taking her slumber, and waking her would be catastrophical. So I wait and I plan, until the day that he will need to exit quickly for something important, for then I will have him... TRAPPED WITH A VENGEANCE! <hr width="50%"> :'''Yani''': Hello, Dexter. :'''Dexter''': What are you, crazy or something?! :'''Yani''': ''[points to dexter]'' No, Dexter! I want you to feel the pain that I feel when you make me stay late every night! :'''Dexter''': What? :'''Yani''': ''[opens the double doors]'' Here you go, Dexter. There's the exit. Go home. <hr width="50%"> :'''Yani''': So, Mr. Smarty Pants, what do you have to say now? :'''Dexter''': Clean up this mess! <hr width="50%"> :'''Yani's wife''': Yaniiiii! :'''Yani''': ''Liebchen''. ''[Sweetheart in German language]'' :'''Yani's wife''': Do not ''liebchen''. I wait every night for you to come home, thinking that you're working hard, but here I find you goofing around with friends! :'''Yani''': But-- :'''Yani's wife''': No. Not another word. You coming home... :'''Yani''': But-- :'''Yani's wife''': NOOOOOWWW! ''[to Dexter]'' You, boy, open door! :'''Dexter''': ''[chuckles]'' Yes, ma'am. ''[grabs Yani's keys and opens the double doors]'' :'''Yani's wife''': Come, Yani. :'''Yani''': But-- :'''Yani's wife''': '''COOOOOOME!!!''' :''[The defeated Yani and his wife exit school]'' :'''Dexter''': Boy, the holidays sure do make people do the ''craziest'' things. ''[whistling Jingle Bells]'' ===''The Parrot Trap'' [2.36c]=== :'''Dexter's Parrot''': ''[in Dee Dee's voice]'' Dexter's a cookie! :'''Dexter''': ''[angrily]'' I am not a cookie! :'''Dexter's Parrot''': Dexter's a cookie! :'''Dexter''': Am not! :'''Dexter's Parrot''': Are too, cookie! ''[Dexter violently shakes the stick the parrot is on, and it switches into Dexter's voice]'' I'm gonna bop you one, girl! ''[Dexter slams the parrot onto his desk, and it segues back into Dee Dee's voice]'' COOKIE! ''[Dexter repeatedly slams the parrot onto the table, until it is later seen beaten nearly into submission, and is flying away]'' :'''Dexter''': Good riddance! That has to be my worst invention yet! <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter's Dad''': Who's trying to sneak up on me? :'''Parrot''': Dexter, boy genius. Dexter the cookie! :'''Dexter's Dad''': Shhhh I'm trying to watch my show! :'''Parrot''': I'm gonna bop you! :'''Dexter's Dad''': That is no way to talk to you- :'''Parrot''': You are a stupid girl! Get out get out get out! Yup yup yup! Don't touch anything! :''[Dexter's Dad crawls away in fear]'' :'''Dexter's Dad''': I-I-I-I-I'm sorry :'''Dexter's Parrot''': ''[in Dee Dee's voice]'' You're a cookie! ''[in Dexter's voice]'' Get out get out get out! <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter's Mom''': Alright, let's see. I'll need two eggs... :''[Dexter's Mom cracks open two eggs and places them into the cooking bowl beside her]'' :'''Dexter's Mom''': One stick of butter... :''[Takes a stick of butter placed near her and places it into the cooking bowl]'' :'''Dexter's Mom''': A half a cup of sugar... :''[Dexter's Mom takes some sugar as Dexter's Parrot appears]'' :'''Dexter's Mom''': A pinch of cinnamon. :'''Parrot''': A cup of cinnamon. :'''Dexter's Mom''': A cup of cinnamon. :'''Parrot''': A quart of pepper. :'''Dexter's Mom''': A quart of pepper. :'''Parrot''': A box of olives. :'''Dexter's Mom''': A box of peppers. :'''Parrot''': Yup, yup, yup! :'''Dexter's Mom''': A block of cheese. :'''Parrot''': A block of cheese. :'''Dexter's Mom''': A gallon of milk. :'''Parrot''': A gallon of milk. :''[Dexter's Mom takes the Parrot out of the refrigerator]'' :'''Parrot''': Are you sneaking up on me?!? :''[Mom uses the Parrot as a coffee boiler and pours it into the bowl]'' :'''Dexter's Mom''': A cup of coffee. :'''Parrot''': A cup of coffee. :''[Mom settles the Parrot back down on the counter]'' :'''Dexter's Mom''': Beans! :'''Parrot''': Beans! :''[Cookies fly out of the bowl suddenly]'' :'''Parrot''': Cooooooooookies! :'''Dexter's Mom''': Cooooooooookies! :'''Parrot''': Worms and plastic minnows. :'''Dexter's Mom''': Now wait just a minute here! ...... Where am I gonna get worms and plastic minnows? :'''Parrot''': The Florida Everglades! :''[Mom is seen immediately backing the car out of the house's driveway and driving away]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Dexter has smashed the parrot to keep it from revealing his lab]'' :'''Dexter's Dad''': Dexter! :'''Dexter's Mom''': How many times have I told you not to throw the bird? :'''Dexter''': But Mom, it's not a real bird. I built it in my secret laboratory. :''[Dexter, realizing he just blabbed what the parrot didn't, claps his mouth shut]'' :'''Dee Dee''': Smooth move, Dexter. Now you'll have to erase Mom and Dad's memories...again! :'''Parrot''': Smooth move, Dexter. Smooth move, Dexter. Smooth move, Dexter. ===''Dexter and Computress Get Mandark!'' [2.37a]=== :'''Dexter''': You are stupid! You are stupid! And don't forget, you are stupid! ===''The Justice Friends: Pain in the Mouth'' [2.37b]=== ===''Dexter vs Santa's Claws'' [2.37c]=== :'''Dad''': Dexter, what do you have to say for yourself? :'''Dexter''': Well, I'm sorry I ruined Christmas. Again. But, isn't Christmas really about the family, and the love and the sharing and... Oh, Christmas tree! Oh, Christmas tree! :'''Dee Dee''': You blockhead! That's not what Christmas is about! :'''Dexter''': It's not? Then what is it about? :'''Santa Claus''': The presents. Ho ho ho! ===''Dyno-Might'' [2.38a]=== :'''Dynomutt''': Oooooh, what does this button do? <hr width="50%"> :'''Dad''': Nice uniform. You on some kind of sports team? :'''Blue Falcon''': I'm the Blue Falcon. :'''Dad''': Oh, yeah, the Falcons! You guys didn't do so well last season. :'''Blue Falcon''': I'm the Blue Falcon! :'''Dad''': Aww, don't be blue! <hr width="50%"> :'''Blue Falcon''': I don't understand! This isn't like my old Dynomutt at all! :'''Dexter''': Well... He's not, I built you an all-new one. :'''Blue Falcon''': What? Why? :'''Dexter''': Well, the old one was just a goofy idiot sidekick. :'''Blue Falcon''': He wasn't JUST a goofy idiot sidekick! He was a....go-go dog person! <hr width="50%"> :'''Blue Falcon''': Remember, Dexter: It's a goofy idiot sidekick that makes a superhero SUPER. ===''LABretto'' [2.38b]=== :'''Dad''': ''[singing]'' My goodness, my gracious, when will this day be done? Will I have a girl or will I have a son? <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter''': ''[singing sadly as the spotlight shines on him]'' This is not fantasy. This is reality. ''[talking]'' I'm stuck for my life! I'm stuck and I'll be stuck forever! With...my sister... ''[Yelling]'' Dee Dee! ===''Last But Not Beast'' [2.39]=== :'''Mandark''': All hail Mandark, the genius! All hail Mandark, the genius! Sing a song of Mandark, the greatest genius this world has ever known! <hr width="50%"> :'''Dad''': Secret laboratory? Now, Dexter, we need to straight a few things up with this secret laboratory business! ==Film== ===''[[w:Dexter's Laboratory: Ego Trip|Dexter's Laboratory: Ego Trip]]''=== <hr width=50%> :'''Old Man Dexter''': ''[thundering voice from inside a tower]'' WHOO DARES TO DISTURB THE GREAT DEXTER WHILE HE DROPS SCIENCE UPON THE WORLD? :'''Dexter''': We are the Dexters of the past. We have come from the past to try to reach your all-knowing presence! :'''Old Man Dexter''': PRESENTS? I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY? I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN! <hr width=50%> :'''Dexter''': Dexter! :'''Adult Dexter''': Dexter! :'''Old Man Dexter''': Dexter! Wow! :'''Adult Dexter''': Oh yeah man! :'''Dexter''': You're as cool as I always wanted to be! :'''Muscular Dexter''': Uh... Dexters? :'''Dexter''': Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we traveled forward in the time 'cause I heard I... I mean... We saved the future, but he couldn't remember. So then we went back in time to find you and we did! And it was awesome! :'''Muscular Dexter''': Time travel, hmm... You boys will need to be filled in on a few things. :'''Adult Dexter''': Yeah, like what happened to the world? :'''Dexter''': And who is this science hoarding overlord? :'''Muscular Dexter''': Mandark. :'''Dexter, Adult Dexter and Old Man Dexter''': Mandark?! :'''Muscular Dexter''': Many moons ago, Mandark and I were employed by the corporation as research scientists to develop new technologies for the betterment of the future. So naturally, as my genius produced a fountain of amazing ideas. A not so inspired Mandark grew more and more jealous. He began stealing my creations and presenting them as his own. As you may well remember. :'''Adult Dexter''': ''[angry]'' Grrr! :'''Muscular Dexter''': He soon gained favor with the executive hierarchy and was quickly promoted up through the ranks. And with one diabolical coup, Mandark overthrew and became the very President of the corporation himself. Then darkness fell. Somehow my most prized invention: the Neurotomic Protocore, fell into Mandark's clutches. :'''Adult Dexter''': Oh my gosh, we left the core out in my cubicle. ''[Dexter hits him with his elbow]'' :'''Muscular Dexter''': Mandark tried to employ the powers of the core but the incompetent fool set the positive flow to negative. And now corrupt energies of the core began to twist Mandark already crooked mind, making him even more greedy insane than ever before. I could take it no more. To escape the perversion of my own science, I went underground literally. I dug a tunnel out from Mandark's tower. For years I dug and dug, inching my way to freedom. But while I dug the negative Neurotomic energy swept the world, numbing the minds of the people, allowing Mandark to work his evil tentacles into every facet of technology and society. It was as though he just reached down and wrecked the Earth clean. Hoarding all science, all knowledge for himself. When I emerged I found this world broken and stupid. I did what I could to help, but with the overlord's robots enforcing terror across the land and very few resources at my disposal, it's been a fight just to survive. :'''Dexter''': Aw, buck up, hero, we found the lab and we can all help. :'''Muscular Dexter''': The laboratory!?! I had thought it lost forever. But with the power of the lab plus the genius of me times four equals, the cataclysmic collapse of the overlord's empire of oppression! :'''Dexter, Adult Dexter and Old Man Dexter''': Yeah! :'''Muscular Dexter''': To the laboratory! <hr width=50%> :'''Muscular Dexter''': I'd like to take this time to pat myselfs on the back. Gentlemen, here's to another greatest work completed, for tomorrow we storm the castle! :'''Dexter, Adult Dexter and Old Man Dexter''': Yeah! :''[The four Dexters clink the root beer bottles]'' <hr width=50%> :''[The Mandarks rally to stop the Dexters from getting the Neurotomic Proto-Core]'' :'''Young Mandark''': No! I've always wanted the Core! :'''Adult Mandark''': No! I stole the Core! :'''Overlord Mandark''': No! The Core is mine! :'''Mandark's Brain''': No! Just because I'm bitter and jealous! <hr width=50%> :'''Old Man Dexter''': I remember! I REMEMBER! Dee Dee was the one who saved the future! :'''Dexter''': What? No way! :'''Adult Dexter''': That didn't just happen! :'''Muscular Dexter''': I wanted to be the one who saved the future! :'''Old Man Dexter''': Argh! That girl! :''[The Dexters start building robots]'' :'''Dexter''': I'll teach her to mess up my future savings. :'''Adult Dexter''': Yeah, we'll show her! :'''Muscular Dexter''': Ooh, that little ding dong! :'''Old Man Dexter''': We'll get her once and for all! :''[The Dexters finish building robots]'' :'''Dexter''': Robots! Destroy the one who saved the future! ''[The robots walk towards the time machine]'' Well. Huh. That should take care of Dee Dee. It looks like the future is back on track. :'''Muscular Dexter''': I've got a lot of cleaning up to do but with a positive flow of the core everything should work out fine. :'''Dexter''': Well then, we should be getting back to our own times. Goodbye, Dexter. :'''Muscular Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter. :'''Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter. :'''Old Man Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter. :'''Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter. :'''Adult Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter. :'''Muscular Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter. :'''Old Man Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter. :'''Adult Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter. :'''Muscular Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter. :'''Adult Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter. :'''Old Man Dexter''': Goodbye, Billy. <hr width=50%> :'''Dexter''': Well, that wasn't exactly what I expected, but I did turn out pretty cool in the future. ''[sees himself fighting the robots and is surprised]'' Wait a minute, I'm still here fighting those robots. ''[breaks the fourth wall]'' But wait, those are the robots I just built to get Dee Dee while we're building the future. But now I'm about to destroy them before I even decide to go into the future. So that means when I came back, I came back too far, back before I ever left. So I must have come... No I... Or they were... Oh, forget it. Time travel hurts my brain. ==Season 3== ===Streaky Clean [3.1a]=== :'''Mom''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, come on out, Shy Boy. Here's your little play clothes all fresh and clean. But I just can't understand how you manage to stain your little outfit so quickly. :'''Dexter''': Yeah, yeah, mom. It's a real enigma. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have much work to be doing. ''[takes his lab coat and gloves with him and closes the door]'' :'''Dad''': The boy's right, dear. ''[puts his hands on his wife's hips]'' There is much work to be doing. <hr width="50%"> :''[Dexter streaks through the meadow]'' :'''Dexter''': Oh boy, that was a close one. I just have to get to Ruthy's Field, and I will be home free! Home... :''[Dexter streaks past a hippie couple who think he's celebrating the freedom of his nakedness]'' :'''Dexter''': '''FREE!''' :'''Male Hippie''': Right on, brother! ===''Mind Over Chatter'' [3.2a]=== :'''Dexter''': ''[in his mind]'' Yuck! Mom's oatmeal! Tastes like barf! :'''Mom''' ''[gasps]'' Dexter! Don't be rude! :'''Dexter''': ''[confused]'' Huh? :'''Dexter''': ''[in his mind while watching Dee Dee scarfing down her oatmeal]'' That sister of mine! What a ferocious pig! :'''Dee Dee''': Hey! I'm no pig! :'''Mom''' : That is enough Dexter! Time for school. :'''Dexter''': But wait Dad, what- :'''Dad''': The answer is no! Now get! :'''Dexter''': ''[in his mind]'' Dad, what a stubborn poopoo doody head! :'''Dad''': I heard that! :'''Mom''': And we are going to have a serious talk about your potty mouth when you get home from school today! ===''Momdark'' [3.2c]=== :'''Mom''': Huh, what did he mean when he said, "your lab", Dexter? :'''Dexter''': I don't know. ===''A Mom Cartoon'' [3.4b]=== :'''Mom''': Oh Dad will just love this! <hr width="50%"> :'''Shop Announcer''': Attention shoppers, we have a red light sale on aisle 8 on... latex gloves! <hr width="50%"> :'''Mom''': Would you look at that, the very last pair! Must be my lucky day! <hr width="50%"> :'''Shop Announcer''': Attention shoppers,... ===Tele Trauma [3.5c]=== :'''Dexter''': Just last night my friend TV and I went out to eat. I ordered a TV dinner and he got the satellite dish! :''[Everyone laughs]'' :'''Mr. Luzinsky''': Dexter, stop that immediately. :'''Dexter''': Sit on it, Fonz! ===''A Third Dad Cartoon'' [3.9b]=== :'''Dad''': Aw well, I guess we'll have to try again next week. ==Season 4== ===''Beau Tie'' [4.1a]=== :'''Beau''': I've always loved science. ===''Dexter's Library'' [4.2c]=== :'''Dexter''': Ah, the sweet and silent solitude of the school library. :'''Boy''': Oh yeah, we're so prepared for this. This is going to be a great game, we're going to kicky Booty. :'''Girl''': Our new cheers are so awesome. Wait until you see them, you're not gonna believe it! :'''Dexter''': Ahem! ''[puts the piece of paper that says "No talking in the Library!" on the table, takes the book from the boy]'' No book for you, ''[takes book from the girl]'' and no book for you! <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter''': Ah, here we are. 701.328. ''[gasps]'' Hello! What is this?! "Green Bacon and Eggs"! What is a children's book doing in coelacanth paleobiology? ''[gets enraged]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Robot''': ''[goes in search of a book and returns to Dexter]'' Cannot confirm target. :'''Dexter''': Cannot confirm target? You illiterate Android! ''[slaps the robot]'' Must I spell everything out for you recycled soup cans? <hr width="50%"> :'''Salinger''': Dexter, I am very disappointed in you. I leave you in charge of the library for one hour, and look what you do. Just look at this mess. :'''Dexter''': But- but- I... they... :'''Salinger''': I'm giving you the maximum library penalty. :'''Dexter''': ''[gasps]'' No! Not that! Please, Miss Salinger. No! :'''Salinger''': That's right. You can only check out 4 books a week, instead of 5. :'''Dexter''': ''[sobs]'' It's not very nice of you. NO! :'''Crowd''': Shh! ===''2Geniuses 2Gether 4Ever'' [4.8c]=== :'''Dexter''': Ah, all done. :'''Mandark''': It's about time. Well, let's see what we've got. ''[takes off the blindfold]'' Ah! At last, my darkest creation is completed! :'''Dexter''': ''[gives the remote control to Mandark]'' After you. :'''Mandark''': May I? ''[grabs the remote control]'' With a push of this button, I, Mandark, will unleash a mind-bending transmission which will put the entire universe under my control. And that means you, too, Dorkster. I have double-crossed you once again. And now it will all be mine! ''[laughs]'' Ha! :''[Mandark tries pressing the button over and over, and Dexter plugs the power cord, and the invention explodes by displaying the title of the television series as a reference to the intro]'' :'''Dexter''': Ha! Well, well, well, Mandark, who double-crossed whom? :'''Mandark''': This was supposed to be mine, Dexter! All mine, not yours! Mine! :'''Dexter''': Well, like I always say: if you can't play with the big dogs, stay on the porch. Ha ha! ''[The "The End" logo in white appears on the screen]'' Hey! What is going on? I am trying to wax poetic here. ===''Folly Calls'' [4.9c]=== :'''Dexter''': ''[sees Dee Dee's hair cut off and laughs insanely]'' OH, YOU'RE KILLING ME! ''[laughing and snorting]'' :'''Dee Dee''': So? :'''Dexter''': Now, Dee Dee. We have been through this scenario so many times before, and you know that I am helpless to assist you for one simple and very basic reason: you are STUPID! :'''Dee Dee''': Oh, please, Dexter. Please! Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please! Oh, please, Dexter! Use your vast and unlimited knowledge of science to help me get my hair back! ''Pretty please.'' :'''Dexter''': Well, no. :'''Dee Dee''': Alright, Dexter, but remember... ''[grows bigger]'' ''I am your big sister!'' ''[grows some more]'' ''AND I WILL CRUSH YOU LIKE A BUG...'' ''[grows again]'' '''''...IF YOU DON'T DO AS I SAY!''''' <hr width="50%"> :'''Dexter''': Now, Dee Dee, pay attention. You are only to apply one drop of this stuff. Do you understand? One drop, not 2 drops, not 3 drops, not 75 drops. JUST ONE DROP! GOT IT?! :'''Dee Dee''': Yeah. Of course I got it, Dexter. Just one drop. ''[sings and leaves the lab]'' One drop, one drop, one drop, one drop... <hr width="50%"> :''[Dee Dee screams while running entering the lab]'' :'''Dexter''': Let me guess. You used more than one drop. :'''Dee Dee''': It was too one drop, Dexter! Just a really, really ''big'' one drop! :'''Dexter''': Hmm... ===''Comic Stripper'' [4.10c]=== :'''Dexter''': You did it all wrong, Mandark. I figured out you were copying "Mister Misery" all along, so I played your own game against you. ''[Mandark pretends to be yawning]'' And then you have the nerve ''[throws the "Mister Misery" comic]'' not to even follow the dumb story! Oh, and one other thing... WHAT IS WITH ALL THIS STUPID QUACKING?! :'''Mandark''': Well, you see, Dexter. I went to buy "Mister Misery" but the store was all sold out. So I picked up a copy of "Dangerous Duck" instead. :'''Dexter''': And do you know why "Mister Misery" was all sold out? Because ''I'' bought them all. :'''Mandark''': Hmm. Well, then. If you bought them all, ''how did you expect me to know all "Mister Misery"'s new fight moves then?!'' ''[Dexter is upset and a donkey appears]'' QUACK. ''[teases Dexter and walks away]'' == Lost Episode == ===''Rude Removal''=== :'''Dee Dee''': Oooh! Dexter's got gas! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rude Dexter''': Where the '''fuck''' are we? :'''Rude Dee Dee''': Beats the '''crap''' out of me! :'''Dexter''': ''[With a British accent]'' Why, you're in Dexter's Laboratory, silly. I'm Dexter, and this golden-haired angel behind me is my charming sister, Dee Dee. :'''Dee Dee''': ''[With a British accent]'' Charmed! :'''Rude Dexter''': Ah, '''fuck''' off! :'''Dexter and Dee Dee''': ''[gasp]'' Oh dear! <hr width="50%"> :'''Mom''': I hope you're hungry, 'cause I made a ''[trips over Rude Dexter]'' very... SPECIAL LUNCH THAT I GOT FROM A RECIPE THAT I... FOUND IN A BESSIE CRACKER MAGAZINE! ''[pants]'' I hope you like it. :'''Mom''': ''[dizzy]'' Well, what do you think, Dexter? :'''Rude Dexter''': ''[mouth full]'' I think it tastes like '''shit''' ! ''[spits at Mom]'' :'''Mom''': ''[faints]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Mom''': ''[angry]'' Dexter! No, absolutely not! You cannot have any dessert! :'''Rude Dexter''': Why? You want it all to yourself? :'''Mom''': ''[gasps, then faints]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Mom''': Now to clean those filthy mouths. :'''Dexter''': ''[to the audience]'' Oh, '''shit'''! ==External links== {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0115157|title=Dexter's Laboratory}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:1990s American animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Elementary school TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:TV shows revived after cancellation]] [[Category:Cartoon Network original series]] [[Category:Television series by Cartoon Network Studios]] [[Category:Teletoon Retro shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about families]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]] [[Category:Television series by Hanna-Barbera]] [[Category:Cartoon Network shows]] 52uf4or1ls631vefdpt23x2q2fq6dlf 0 108022 3949423 3949059 2026-06-06T05:15:00Z ELApro 1595 /* The Kiss Precise (Jun 20, 1936) */added section "The Origins of the Conception of Isotopes (Dec 12, 1922)" with partial (21) quotes/Incomplete 3949423 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Frederick Soddy.jpg|thumb|Scientific men can hardly escape the charge of [[ignorance]] with regard to the precise effect of the impact of modern [[science]] upon the mode of [[living]] of the [[people]] and upon their [[civilisation]].]] '''[[w:Frederick Soddy|Frederick Soddy]]''' ([[2 September]] [[1877]] – [[22 September]] [[1956]]) was an English radiochemist who explained, with [[Ernest Rutherford]], that [[w:radioactivity|radioactivity]] is due to the [[w:nuclear transmutation|transmutation]] of elements, now known to involve [[w:nuclear reactions|nuclear reactions]]. He also proved the existence of isotopes of certain radioactive elements. He received the Nobel Prize for Chemistry in 1921, and has a [[w:Soddy (crater)|crater]] named for him on the [[w:far side of the Moon|far side of the Moon]]. == Quotes == * As [[scientific]] men we have all, no doubt, felt that our work has been put often to base uses, which must lead to disaster. But what [[sin]] is to the moralist and [[crime]] to the jurist so to the scientific man is [[ignorance]]. On our plane [[knowledge]] and ignorance are the immemorial adversaries.<br />Scientific men can hardly escape the charge of ignorance with regard to the precise effect of the impact of modern science upon the mode of living of the people and upon their civilisation. For them, such a charge is worse than that of crime. ** [http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/chemistry/laureates/1921/soddy-speech.html Frederick Soddy's speech at the Nobel Banquet in Stockholm (10 December 1922)] * [[Chemistry]] has been termed by the physicist as the messy part of physics, but that is no reason why the physicists should be permitted to make a mess of chemistry when they invade it. ** As quoted in ''American Journal of Physics'', Vol. 14 | (1946), p. 248 * Some of the [[beliefs]] and legends bequethed to us by Antquity are so universally and firmly established that we have become accustomed to consider them as being almost as ancient as [[humanity]] itself. Nevertheless we are tempted to inquire how far the fact that some of these beliefs and legends have so many features in common is due to chance, and wether the similarity between them may not point to the exestience of an ancient, totally unknown and unsuspected [[civilization]] of which all other traces have disappeared. ** As quoted in ''Morning of the Magicians'' (1963) by Louis Pauwels and Jacques Berger, p. 181 <!-- New York, New York, Avon Books --> === Intra-atomic Charge (Dec 4, 1914) === :<small>''[[w:Nature (journal)|Nature]]'', No. 2301, Vol. 92, [https://archive.org/details/nature9219131914lock/page/399/mode/1up p. 399-400.]</small> * I regard [[w:Antonius van den Broek|van der Broek]]’s view, that the number representing the net positive charge of the [[Atomic nucleus|nucleus]] is the number of the place which the [[Chemical element|element]] occupies in the {{w|periodic table}} when all the possible places from {{w|hydrogen}} to {{w|uranium}} are arranged in sequence, as practically proved so far as the relative value of the [[w:Electric charge|charge]] for the members of the end of the sequence, from {{w|thallium}} to uranium, is concerned. We are left uncertain as to the absolute value of the charge, because of the doubt regarding the exact number of {{w|rare-earth element}}s that exist. If we assume that all of these are known, the value for the positive charge of the nucleus of the uranium atom is about 90. Whereas if we make the more doubtful assumption that the periodic table runs regularly, as regards numbers of places, through the rare-earth group, and that between {{w|barium}} and {{w|radium}}, for example, two complete long periods exist, the number is 96. In either case it is appreciably less than 120, the number were the charge equal to one-half the [[w:Relative atomic mass|atomic weight]], as it would be if the nucleus were made out of a particles only. Six nuclear [[electron]]s are known to exist in the uranium atom, which expels in its changes six [[w:Beta particle|β rays]]. Were the nucleus made up of [[w:Alpha particle|α particle]]s there must be thirty or twenty-four respectively nuclear electrons, compared with ninety-six or 102 respectively in the ring. If, as has been suggested, hydrogen is a second component of atomic structure, there must be more than this. But there can be no doubt that there must be some, and that the central charge of the atom on [[w:Rutherford model|Rutherford’s theory]] cannot be a pure positive charge, but must contain electrons, as [[w:Antonius van den Broek|van der Broek]] concludes. * So far as I personally am concerned, '''this has resulted in a great clarification of my ideas, and it may be helpful to others, though no doubt there is little originality in it. The same algebraic sum of the positive and negative charges in the nucleus, when the arithmetical sum is different, gives what I call "{{w|isotope}}s" or "isotopic elements," because they occupy the same place in the {{w|periodic table}}. They are chemically identical, and save only as regards the relatively few physical properties which depend upon atomic mass directly, physically identical also.''' Unit changes of this nuclear charge, so reckoned algebraically, give the successive places in the periodic table. For any one "place," or any one nuclear charge, more than one number of electrons in the outer-ring system may exist, and in such a case the element exhibits variable valency. But such changes of number, or of valency, concern only the ring and its external environment. There is no in- and out-going of electrons between ring and nucleus. === Matter, Energy, Consciousness and Spirit (Apr 25. 1919) === :<small>Lecture to the [[w:University of Aberdeen|Aberdeen University]] Christian Union, {{w|Marischal College}} and in ''Science and life; Aberdeen addresses'' (1920) [https://archive.org/details/sciencelifeaberd00sodduoft/page/173/mode/1up pp. 149-174.]</small> * [[Science]] has wrecked beyond repair certain [[dogma]]s and [[belief]]s... current prior to... the [[doctrine]] of [[evolution]]... That doctrine has... reversed the traditional outlook of men and turned their highest interest from the contemplation of the [[past]] to the problems of the [[future]]. But physical science... contemporaneously... has contributed in its doctrine of [[energy]] an advance of... possibly... greater fundamental importance... It, therefore, is almost a duty of the scientific man... to attempt to rebuild.., destroy, and to state... his view of the matters in which hitherto the [[priest]] and the [[Philosophy|philosopher]] have, with insufficient knowledge of external [[nature]], been left to themselves. * Do not draw the hasty conclusion that, because the clarity and unanimity reached in the study of inanimate nature have not been approached in the [[biology|study of life]], they have... no application... to the higher aspects of life. ...[A]s regards what it is impossible to believe.., they effect a not inconsiderable simplification, and... pave the way... for a more definite and truer... [[philosophy]] to replace the old. * [[Life]]... is lived in an [[Intimacy|intimate]] relation with the external physical [[universe]], and the breaking of that connection is [[death]]. ...[M]en ...have contended that [[life]] [[w:Transcendence (philosophy)|transcends]] the breaking of the bond between it and the external world and persists ... * '''Amid a world of [[appearance]] and [[change]], [[science]] seeks the fundamental and abiding [[Reality|realities]], and... applies... the test of "[[w:Conservation law|conservation]]." Whatever is conserved unchanged during all possible changes is regarded as [[Reality|real]].''' * '''We speak of the {{w|conservation of energy}}, meaning that in the... interplay of [[matter]], [[motion]] and [[force]].., however complicated.., or... violent and catastrophic.., something is unchanged and remains the same.., and that... is termed [[energy]]. ...[N]othing, not even [[money]], has a more ''real'' [[existence]].''' * I make no pretence... whether the personality, conscience and soul... is... capable of being regarded as... development of the simple consciousness, or awareness, of its existence... possessed by the lowly {{w|organism}}. I accept the... complete break of continuity between the animate and inanimate worlds, as being all that is really demanded... If I am told that unless I make another such break between man and... animals, I weaken the argument I have suggested accounting for the origin of the belief in... [[immortality]]... by including therein all living creatures, it is only necessary to say that the general doctrine of [[evolution]] of man from the lower animals seems to point unmistakably in this direction. * It is the [[priest]]s, not [[religion]], [that] it is difficult for scientific men to live with... '''[S]cience cannot coexist with priest-craft.''' * '''The [[science|scientific man]] seeks [[truth]] as a continually developing [[wikt:revelation#Noun|revelation]], and he changes his outlook on the world... as it unfolds itself before his eyes. The [[priest]] teaches that in some remote period... [[God]]... [[Revelation|revealed Truth]] once and for all [[time]]''', and his profession is to guard it against all comers. * '''I do not believe that the [[soul]] any more than the [[mind]] can [[wikt:stagnation#Noun|stagnate]]. It must [[Growth|grow]] or [[decay]].''' * '''The [[world]]... has changed.., not on account of anything... in the [[w:Mosaic authorship|Mosaic]] or [[Christianity|Christian]] {{w|revelation}}s, but on account of the new revelations of [[science]]. ...[T]hese have come... by... the reverse of supernatural, by [[Work|laborious]] [[experiment]] and [[measurement]], by slow accumulation of [[knowledge]] and honest and unbiassed weighing of the evidence'''... [T]hey constitute an essential part of the whole [[truth]], be our religious convictions what they may. * A [[truth]]... [by] divine [[revelation]] must... be supposed... the absolute or ultimate truth... unattainable by... [[human]] inquiry. * '''What a [[Science|scientific man]] conceives to be the [[truth]] is... [[wikt:distinct#Adjective|distinct]]. He is not concerned.., not... greatly interested, in ultimate, absolute and unattainable truth.''' He frames a [[hypothesis]] and tests it in every possible way. So long as... [[fact]] is in accord with the hypothesis, and no other hypothesis is in accord.., it is all he seeks to know. * If, in the external universe, every event and phenomenon occurs in the precise and often predictable way it would occur if the [[hypothesis]] were true, that hypothesis is regarded as the [[truth]], until something occurs which proves it to be in [[error]]. * There is sometimes loose talk—even among scientific men attempting to generalise concerning other subjects...—that the scientific hypotheses of one age become the laughing stock of the next, but such talkers are often the laughing stock of their own age to those best qualified... '''[T]here is a steady.., increasingly rapid advance being made into the foundations of [[knowledge]]'''.., '''impressive... in the continuous evidence... that these foundations have been well and truly laid.''' * No one desires to suppose that... [the methods of science] are the only methods by which [[Truth]] is to be sought or found. But when it comes to... imparting [[knowledge]].., to educating the growing citizen to a knowledge of himself and his environment.., differences... [are] great. * A... [[Mysticism|mystic]] or a {{w|monk}}... who has withdrawn himself from the world and practised starvation, celibacy and general [[w:Mortification of the flesh|mortification of the body]], aspires to reach a spiritual plane from which the world, either... [the] mechanical or... vital aspect, can be left behind and forgotten as a distraction and a curse. ...My criticism ...is concerned with the value to humanity of the results... [W]hatever pinnacle of pure contemplative philosophy... ultimately... reached, little... communicable or of general value to the life or thought of the world seems... [to] result. * His scientific analogue is... equally [[Selfishness|selfish]]. He... must utterly immerse himself in his own plane of thought, and... investigate... without... consideration... to the existence of any other plane, or to whether his work be... [[Goodness|good]] or [[evil]].., valuable or useless... But such a man, unconsciously... but... infallibly, has taken the one... real method of [[w:Discovery (observation)|discovery]]... and his [[work]]... has been such as to change the mode of living and mental outlook of his kind. * '''But the interest of the average man... must... rest in a just appreciation of the relations of these... worlds, the [[Spirituality|spiritual]] and the [[Machine|mechanical]], to his own life.''' ...[O]ut of ... direct connection... '''they... meet on common ground — ''in him''.''' ...He has to make his peace with both, as he is the sufferer if his [[soul]] gets caught in the gear.<br />Neither... spiritual nor mechanical worlds contain him. ...[N]either spirit nor machine, he is an animal, born as animals are born, his... [[life]] largely occupied with... sex.., parents, mate.., offspring and the domestic hearth, in later phases with the social, communal and national life.<br />Thus '''we have three distinct worlds, linked each to each, as... of a chain, the middle link only being in direct relationship to the whole.''' * The cold, soulless mechanism of the [[cosmos]] invades the living organism, and the principles of [[energy]] and [[matter]]... in the inanimate world [[wikt:govern#Verb|govern]] [[Human|man]]... * All that we can learn by science of the... processes... of the living body has been learned in those deep foundations of knowledge appertaining to the simplest state... wherein phenomena and events are unobscured by... life. * '''[[Mechanics]], the science of moving masses of matter, has been extended to... masses... not individually capable of being apprehended..: [[molecule]]s and [[atom]]s.., the mechanics of which constitute [[chemistry]] and [[physics]].''' * '''[C]larification of thought... from the occupation and interpretation of the mechanical world''', whether of [[Cosmos|cosmical]] systems or of the [[w:Human body|body of a man]], '''is unique. ''For from this world [[mystery]] in any real sense has been banished''. ...Our knowledge of matter and energy ...is far from complete. But in this field we can move with an assurance, and a power of [[Prediction|predicting]]... true of no other realm of study.''' * '''Absolute or Ultimate [[Truth]]... may be for ever unattainable... [T]he fundamentals of to-day'''—[[matter]], [[electricity]], the [[Luminiferous aether|ether]] and [[energy]] — '''may in the fulness of time be displaced by still more fundamental [[Concept|conception]]s.''' * '''We... have acquired the sense of direction, though whole territories may await exploration. Though the road... forever recedes, ''we know the direction''... is definitely away from, and not towards the [[Mystery|mysteries]] of [[life]] and [[spirit]].''' * '''The path hewn by [[knowledge]] through [[ignorance]] points two ways''' in the direction of the absolute unattainable truth. Man has always tended to confound these two classes of the ultimately unknowable. * [[Heaven]] is at once the abode of the {{w|constellation}}s, which obey the [[Classical mechanics|laws of mechanics]] with undeviating precision, and where events and consequences are predicted.., and also the abode of [[God]], and the [[heavenly host]] of disembodied [[spirit]]s. * [[Magnetism]] is in a different world from the "[[animal magnetism]]" of [[Franz Mesmer|Mesmer]], and the wireless telegraphy that transmits messages through space affords no justification for believing, or otherwise, in {{w|telepathy}}. * [T]he further one advances towards the ultimate insoluble problems of [[physics]], the more completely one leaves... the phenomenon of [[life]] and... its [[Mystery|mysteries]]. The advance... has been from life and not towards it, and the clouded horizons.., whatever they... contain of [[wonder]] and revelation, are likely to afford little... to the... mystery of life. * '''In [[engineering]] we draw upon the {{W|chemical energy}} of {{w|fuel}}, and by [[Fire|combustion]] convert it into {{w|heat}}—the chaotic rush of [[molecule]]s in every direction...—and from this [[chaos]], by... [[w:Engine|prime-mover]], we produce... orderly motion of... {{w|mechanical energy}}... to lighten the heavy [[Work|labour]]... and perform tasks which before would have been done by [[w:Working animal|draught cattle]] or [[Slavery|slaves]].''' * '''[T]erms [[w:Vitalism|"vital energy" or "vital force"]] have disappeared. [[Energy]], like money, has many denominations, but... fixed exchange ratios throughout the [[universe]], whether in the living organism or... non-living world.''' * The ''[[Power (physics)|power]]'' by which we live and move and have our being is... that which drives on the [[stars]]... [[Science]] now takes it... whether in fuel, waterfall or sunshine—...all one—and uses it to do... [[Work|labour]] of men. * '''[[Science]] can... transfer [[energy]]... into living bodies, so that... two may live where before one would have struggled miserably for an existence.<br />A simple people, who confused [[power]] with [[deity]], like the [[Ancient Greece|ancient Greeks]] or primitive [[Vikings]], would have seen, in this control... the act of a [[god]]''', and from their... view... the most god-like achievement man has ever accomplished. * '''[W]e do not think... that there is a "[[w:Vitalism|vital chemistry]]"''' different from ordinary [[chemistry]]. Some... peculiarly vital chemical processes have... been found... precisely similar to those that... in mineral and inorganic chemistry. Thus '''{{w|fermentation}}, once thought to depend upon living organisms... [are] processes... due to unorganised "{{w|enzyme}}s,"''' secreted by the organism, and these enzymes are '''analogous to the "[[Catalysis|catalysts]]" of inorganic chemistry.''' ...[S]uch catalysts—finely divided {{w|platinum}}... is one of the commonest...— are '''"[[poison]]ed" by the same poisons''' — {{w|arsenic}}, [[w:Hydrogen cyanide|prussic acid]]...[etc]—as are '''most deadly to life.''' ...The poison ...destroying ...activities of these catalysts... stops the processes. * '''[A]ll... [[principles]] that govern [[Chemistry|chemical]] phenomena in inanimate matter are observed in the processes peculiar to [[life]].''' * [L]imited, but... significant, control over the processes of inanimate nature... to make them proceed to ends different from... natur[e]... especially, in directions... useful, or... otherwise only attainable by... living organism[s], enables us to construct... '''a model of the living organism'''. It '''is a machine, or mechanical microcosm, under continuous and varying control, by... an internally resident directing [[intelligence]] or [[personality]].''' * For ages [[Niagara Falls|Niagara]] roared over its gorge in accordance with the laws of nature, uncontrolled. ...Now tunnels have been drilled in the rock, through which a part of the water falls, no longer to run riot in commotion at the bottom, but smoothly... deprived of its energy in a turbine, to... a dynamo... the transformed energy flows out as {{w|electric power}} capable of lightening the labours of men.<br />'''Niagara... is a mechanism as before, but... linked to... [[intelligence]]... guiding and varying its action... It is... one step nearer to being a living organism than before.., a rough and partial model of... the living organism'''... * '''There is no [[life]]—body, [[mind]] or [[soul]]...— no [[birth]], [[growth]] or even [[existence]], without a continuous supply and expenditure of [[energy]].''' * '''For [[Goodness|good]] or [[evil]], [[human|man]] has geared his own mechanism with the unbounded machinery of inanimate Nature, and... made possible... elimination of the ugliest features of his existence'''... * '''Man is... able to project out of himself the personality... in control of his... body, into the mechanism of Nature, so'''... without violating any [[Natural law|law]] or [[Principles|principle]], '''a process that goes naturally in a useless direction may be made to go in a direction... useful.''' * In the control of his own mechanism, similarly, it is the [[energy]] of the external inanimate [[universe]] which is guided, not coerced, and still less created. * [G]uidance withdrawn.., processes of life resume their uncontrolled natural direction. * '''In low organisms the [[Cybernetics|guidance]] seems... largely automatic, a response to [[w:Stimulus (physiology)|stimuli]]... Even in man.., important routine functions of life are performed, asleep and awake, by a [[subconscious]] regulation, or.., a subconscious personality. But... higher animals... developed a [[consciousness]] or [[Self-awareness|awareness of... individual existence]] and... [[w:Situation awareness|existence of its environment]], which [[Intelligence|intelligently]]... directs... acts of [[life]] at [[w:Will (philosophy)|will]].''' ** <small>'''Also see''': [[Solipsism]]</small> * '''The [[mystery]] is in... the combination of the [[Intelligence|intelligent]] guidance with... a perfectly understandable [[machine]]. Separately the two functions are... comprehensible. Their combination in a single self-contained {{w|organism}} is the... mystery of [[life]].''' * The self-contained organism is not comprehensible, but the combination of an inanimate mechanism and an external [[Will (philosophy)|will]] is more intelligible. * '''[T]here is in man a [[conscience]] as well as a [[consciousness]], an ineradicable aspiration towards [[virtue]], which is certainly no less difficult to understand.''' * '''The combination of the [[machine]] and [[soul]] is as much a riddle as the combination of machine and [[mind]]. [[Theology]] has striven to separate the two, has abstracted the [[soul]] as... independent'''.., and regarded it as a projection from and '''part of a general soul of humanity, existing distinct from and outside of individual men.''' For the mechanism of Niagara we have the bodily mechanism, and for the personality in control, instead of the humble representative of applied science, the humble individual soul, acting upon orders received from and owing allegiance to an external [[deity]] of which it forms a part. * '''[[H. G. Wells]]... defined the main difference between an ordinary, modern, intelligent, well-educated, benevolent and morally right-minded [[Atheism|atheist]] or [[Agnosticism|agnostic]] and the genuine [[Theism|religious enthusiast]]''', as being in the... [atheist or agnostic]'s view of his [own]... high-minded and unimpeachable personality as a separate isolated existence, independent of all others, and the... [religious enthusiast]'s view that what is benevolent, high-minded and noble in his personality is not a natural consequence of the life-process, but part of a [[Personal god|personal God]], who responds to and lives in... closest relationship with... individual souls... * The engineers in the power-house of Niagara are... not isolated existences actuating their machinery out of their own self-sufficiency. They take their instructions from a superior, and the science and practice... in those orders are an accumulation of... that... best in the labours of many men, alive and dead. No single mind could create that knowledge, even if one could... fully to comprehend it. * If you talk to these men at their work, you would find... they were... self-contained, knowing little of and caring less for the mere [[Theory|theoretical]] amateurs who, with... sealing-wax.., wire and.., crude home-made machines, created their livelihood. * [M]uch the same... the religious philosopher holds that the benevolent atheist attributes to himself and his... innate self-righteousness a... great deal... He prefers to believe himself the humble subordinate of a superior being that combines, in one personality, the best of all beings that ever lived. * There is common ground in the position, that even though a single mind might be able to comprehend all that has gone to the evolution and survival of the essentially humane type of man, no single personality could, if isolated, arrive at it by himself. * There is a continuity that endures in the creative achievements of humanity, whether, as the [[Theism|theist]] believes, in... a [[Personal god|personal Deity]], or whether as a collective memory, engraved in type or ancient saga... from which... we can hardly escape. * There seems very little between these views worth argument, and '''among educated modern peoples, were it not for the [[priest]]s, religious differences would scarcely trouble the world.''' * '''There is..., a danger''', since knowledge... is... patchy, and first-class minds are rarely content with the known, but... push off into the unknown, and so become [[Specialization|specialists]], '''that the mystery of [[life]] becomes automatically thrust out from those regions each has... explored... into those known only at second-hand and by hearsay or from books.''' * Thus, '''as a physicist or chemist, I hold... there is no mystery... in the [[wikt:inanimate#Adjective|inanimate]] [[universe]], and I put the {{w|Rubicon}} between [[Machine|mechanism]] and [[life]]. A biologist... might totally disagree.''' But, apart from extreme opinions... '''there is a growing tendency to distinguish between the mechanism of life and its [[Consciousness|conscious]] regulation.''' ...'''[A] completeness of [[knowledge]]''', equal to that in the processes of inanimate nature... and even the artificial generation of life of a simple kind, '''would not necessarily add anything to the solution of the real [[mystery]].''' * [[Machine|Mechanism]] there is... and [[subconscious]] control for most complicated routine processes, but '''the [[mind]] can hardly be equal to the task of explaining itself to itself.''' * The mechanical and even the animal or vital aspects have been thrust into the background by a developed [[personality]], that consistently acts and tries to act—and therefore... ''is''—a distinct being, resident in the body as a man may live in a house, and, if real, then by the canons of human thought, [[Immortality|immortal]]. * [[Thought]], [[reason]]ing power, [[memory]], [[Free will|free-will]], the [[Aesthetics|aesthetic]] [[perception]]s of [[beauty]] and [[harmony]], the [[Ethics|ethical]] ideas of [[virtue]], [[justice]], [[duty]], and [[self-sacrifice]], and the [[Spirituality|spiritual]] aspirations of [[holiness]] and [[Immortality|triumph over death]], divide him from the simplest form of life. * [[Science]]... has a long road to travel from the [[stars]] to the [[Kingdom of God|kingdom of heaven]]. But there seems to be but the one chasm that cannot be crossed, and which, though the gulf ever narrows, still remains unbridged. * The [[Will (philosophy)|will]] to perform, and, in the special sense that concerns human beings, the [[Benevolence|goodwill]] to perform [[Goodness|good]], is in its nature and origin alone an attribute of [[life]]. * '''The [[power]] to perform is derived ''in toto'' from the inanimate world''', however many elaborate metamorphoses it may undergo, and through however many organisms, vegetable and animal, it may pass before it reaches man. * '''The [[world]] that is [[Death|dead]] vitally and spiritually is not dead physically.''' * The [[moon]]... is commonly supposed... a [[Death|dead]] world, though since the same [[sun]] shines upon it as upon us it cannot be really dead. * '''It is''' in the present state of [[physics]] '''impossible to conceive of a physically [[Death|dead]] world, that is to say, a world without any available source of [[energy]].''' * The discovery of [[w:Radioactive decay|radioactivity]] has revealed an immense store of [[energy]] in the [[atom]]s... compared with which all... hitherto... known sinks into insignificance. * Instead..., of the [[world]] gradually cooling by... it must be getting steadily hotter in its interior owing to the energy evolved by the [[w:Radionuclide|radioactive elements]].., unless there are unknown factors... to compensate... * '''A [[world]] without [[energy]]... implies a world without [[matter]] and, therefore, no world at all.''' * '''Given a clear course and that most rare of national qualities, [[common sense]], physical [[science]] can abolish the struggle for existence so far as concerns [[food]] and {{w|fuel}}.<br />But so far the pearls of [[science]] have been cast before swine, who have given us in return [[millionaire]]s and {{w|slum}}s, [[Weapon|armaments]] and the [[wikt:desolation#Noun|desolation]] of [[war]].''' * The use, rather than... abuse, of this control of the unlimited resources of [[Nature]] brings within the range of practicability the abolition of poverty, destitution and economic slavery of the many... * '''Weighty... influences... prevent... approach to the realisation of [[Utopia]], but—and this should be written on every [[Church]] throughout the length and breadth of the land—they are not now physical but [[Morality|moral]].''' * The [[Church]]es, which should have been the first to welcome the possibility... have... to be won over to the side of the humane man. They have hitherto... proved... the most bigoted and powerful opponents of the [[science]].., alone... able to bring within... practical [[politics]] for the [[masses]] the [[Christianity|Christian]] principles... * A [[religion]] that on the most important questions of everyday life has nothing to say.., is a greater [[danger]] to the vitality of a nation than... [[scepticism]] and [[unbelief]]. * '''The idea that physical [[power]] is one of the attributes of [[deity]], and the conception of an all-powerful being directing the [[universe]] and the physical affairs of men, has left behind it a legacy of nothing but [[wikt:calamity#Noun|calamity]].''' According to the scientific definition of [[truth]].., there is no such being. * The external [[universe]] behaves as a [[machine]] working automatically according to the [[Natural law|laws]] and [[principles]] contained in its own mechanism, and... it does not exhibit a vestige of that [[Arbitrariness|arbitrary]] and [[purpose]]ful [[wikt:variation#Noun|variation]] that would imply a [[personality]] in [[control]]. * '''We hear''' from well-meaning, but... unpractical, people '''that the [[evil]]s the [[world]] [[Suffering|suffer]]s... are due to its [[neglect]] of [[God]], but... the worst of them are... traceable to the enthronement of God in the wrong place.''' * [[Science]] has banished the conception of [[deity]] for ever from '''the working of the inanimate [[world]]''', which '''behaves''' in all respects '''as, and therefore ''is'' a simple machine... The task of controlling it is [[Human|man]]'s, not [[God]]'s.''' * '''If through [[ignorance]] and [[incompetence]]... [man] fails, no personality, vindictive or benevolent, will interfere. The machine will go on in the same way as..., according to geology, it has been.., in a regular uniform manner for aeons before man arrived'''... * I do not expect to escape or shirk the question, '''"Who... created... this wonderful and intricate machinery?"''' Science answers that '''matter and [[energy]] cannot be created or destroyed. The [[universe]] is [[Eternity|eternal]].''' * '''Just as the man of science is unable to push his mechanical conceptions to explain [[life]] and the [[Deity]], so the [[Theism|theist]] must not push his conception of the Deity and life into the inanimate [[universe]].''' The {{w|Rubicon}} that cannot be crossed in the one direction obviously must not be crossed in the other. * '''[A]ncient [[creed]]s are working an infinitude of [[harm]] in the world, and nowhere more than to the cause of [[religion]].''' === The Origins of the Conception of Isotopes (Dec 12, 1922) === :<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/chemistry/1921/soddy/lecture/ Nobel Prize Lecture] for {{w|Nobel Prize in Chemistry}} @NobelPrize.org</small> * The work of my students and myself, for which you have so signally honoured me... is... a small part of much pioneering work... over... nearly twenty years, into the chemistry of radio-elements and the existence and nature of {{w|isotope}}s. * '''I''' [will] '''try to disentangle the real origins of the conception of {{w|isotope}}s'''.., so far... as I have been connected... * What is so very simple and clear to us today at first had a very... puzzling character... * '''The interpretation of [[w:Radioactive decay|radioactivity]]... published... 1903 by... [[Ernest Rutherford|Rutherford]] and myself ascribed the phenomena to the [[w:Radioactive decay|spontaneous disintegration of the atoms]].., whereby a part... was violently ejected as a radiant particle, and the remainder formed a... new kind of atom'''... * [[w:Decay chain|[D]isintegrations proceed successively]] a large number of times... [T]here results a series of more or less unstable new elements, between the original parent element and the... unknown final product. * '''The... study of the chemical character of these successive unstable elements... introduced an idea [that the chemical elements are not... homogeneous.., merely chemically homogeneous]... subversive of the fundamental [[doctrine]]s of [[chemistry]].''' * '''In some cases... they are mixtures of different constituents... only identical in their chemical character. ...Colloquially, their atoms have identical outsides but different insides.''' * '''Chemical analysis classifies according to... systems of [[electron]]s which surround a... [[Atomic nucleus|nucleus]], whereas [[w:Radioactive decay|radioactive changes]].., [i.e.] veritable [[w:Nuclear transmutation|transmutation]]s, concern the... constitution of this... [[Atomic nucleus|nucleus]]. ...[T]he same exterior may conceal very different interiors in... atomic structure.''' * These elements... identical in... chemical character.., not separable by... chemical analysis are now called {{w|isotope}}s. * The power of spontaneously emitting rays... was discovered in 1896 by... Becquerel for the compounds of... uranium. * '''[P]hysicists sorted the rays... into... α−, β− and γ-rays... [[w:Beta particle|β-rays]] were shown to be... expulsion of... [[electron]]s... at a far higher speed than any... in the {{w|vacuum tube}} as [[w:Television|cathode-ray]]s. The [[w:Gamma ray|γ-rays]] were... {{w|X-ray}}s... of... greater penetrating power.''' In due course... X-rays were shown to be '''[[w:Electromagnetic radiation|waves of light]] of extraordinary short wavelength and high frequency''', whilst... γ-rays are... of even shorter wavelength and higher frequency. The '''[[w:Alpha particle|α-rays]] were''' first proved to be... '''radiant atoms of... positive charge and... identified''', after many years of... work '''by... [[Ernest Rutherford|Rutherford]], with {{w|helium}} atoms carrying two atomic charges of positive electricity.''' * '''[[William Ramsay|William Ramsay]] and I had shown in 1903 that {{w|helium}} was... continuously generated from {{w|radium}}''' in a [[w:History of spectroscopy|spectroscopically]] detectable quantity... '''[S]ubsequent work showed... helium is generated, as α-particles, in all the [[w:Radioactive decay|radioactive changes]]... [expelling] α−rays'''... * [T]he [[w:Ionizing radiation|ionization]] produced in gases by all these new types of {{w|radiation}} was quickly elucidated, and... highly sensitive and accurate methods of measurement... evolved, which... contributed to the rapid development of the subject. * On the chemical side... work of '''[[Pierre Curie|M. and]] [[Marie Curie|Mme. Curie]] had shown [[w:Radioactive decay|radioactivity]] to be a specific atomic property... restricted to the last two'''... then known '''elements, {{w|uranium}} and {{w|thorium}}''', though... {{w|potassium}} and {{w|rubidium}} emit [[w:Beta particle|β-rays]], exhibiting in this respect... radioactivity. '''Using the new property''' much as the pioneers with the [[w:Optical spectrometer|spectroscope]] [[Spectroscopy|used the spectra]] in the discovery of new elements, '''they discovered the powerfully radioactive... {{w|polonium}} and {{w|radium}}, and, [[w:André-Louis Debierne|M. Debierne]], {{w|actinium}}''', in the [[w:Uraninite|uranium minerals]]. * '''Of the... similar new radio-elements... {{w|radium}}''' is still the only one [of] the compounds... prepared in a pure state, and for which the spectrum and atomic weight have been determined. As regards its... chemical character radium is... normal and its properties could have been predicted accurately for... its place in the {{w|Periodic Table}}. It is the last member of the... [[w:Alkaline earth metal|alkaline earths]] and stands in relation to {{w|thorium}} as thorium does to {{w|uranium}} in the [[w:Periodic table|periodic system]]. But... it '''possesses a radioactive character truly astounding.''' The energy it evolves... 133 calories per gram per hour. ...[T]he uniqueness of radium is due mainly to... its average life, 2440 years.., sufficiently long to... accumulate in... minerals.., yet short enough for the rate at which the energy... is liberated to be... surprising. * '''In the... various [[w:Decay chain|disintegration series]]''' of [[w:Decay chain#Uranium series|uranium]], [[w:Decay chain#Thorium series|thorium]] and [[w:Decay chain#Actinium series|actinium]], '''every degree of atomic instability is encountered.''' The average life varies from... [~]1010 years, for... primary... uranium and thorium, down to... a minute.., the limit beyond which the chemical character cannot be investigated. But by physical methods... down to... 1/350 second have been... in evidence, and two, of the order... 10<sup>-6</sup> and 10<sup>-11</sup> second, are indirectly inferred. * '''The chemical and spectroscopic character is that of the atom during its normal.., uneventful life, whilst its radioactive character is... produced by its sudden death.''' But for this... it might have been supposed that the chemical character of such... substances would also be extraordinary. * In investigating the [[w:Radioactive decay|radioactivity]] of {{w|thorium compounds}}, we found that a constituent responsible for the greater part of its radio-activity could be separated by the use of specific reagents. * '''Radioactive character provides as fine a criterion for [[w:Quantitative analysis (chemistry)|quantitative]] and [[w:Qualitative inorganic analysis|qualitative analysis]] as any of the chemical and spectroscopic tests'''... * The history of {{w|isotope}}s fittingly commences with the discovery of [[w:Isotopes of thorium#Thorium-228|radio-thorium]], a new product in the [[w:Decay chain#Thorium series|thorium disintegration series]], by Sir [[William Ramsay]] and [[Otto Hahn]] in 1905... ** <small>'''Note''': Radiothorium is [[w:Isotopes of thorium#Thorium-228|<sup>228</sup>Th]], see [[w:Decay chain#Thorium series|Thorium decay chain series]].</small> * In 1905 also the discovery by [Tadeusz] Godlewski of [[w:Radium-223|actinium X]], an intermediate product between {{w|actinium}} and [[wikt:actinium emanation|its emanation]], in every way analogous to [[w:Isotopes of radium#Radium-224|thorium X]], was the commencement of the recognition of the general analogies that existed in the three series. ** <small>'''Note''': 1) The emination of actinium is [[w:Isotopes of radon#Radon-219|<sup>219</sup>Rn]], see [[w:Decay chain#Actinium series|Actinium decay chain series]]. 2) Thorium X is [[w:Isotopes of radium#Radium-224|<sup>224</sup>Ra]], see [[w:Decay chain#Thorium series|Thorium decay chain series]].</small> === The Kiss Precise (Jun 20, 1936) === :<small>F. Soddy, ''[[w:Nature (journal)|Nature]]'' [https://dbc.wroc.pl/Content/36401/PDF/39793.pdf Volume 137, No. 3477,] p. 1021.</small> * For pairs of lips to kiss maybe<br />Involves no trigonometry.<br />'Tis not so when four circles kiss<br />Each one the other three.<br />To bring this off the four must be<br />As three in one or one in three.<br />If one in three, beyond a doubt<br />Each gets three kisses from without.<br />If three in one, then is that one<br />Thrice kissed internally.<br /> <br />Four circles to the kissing come.<br />The smaller are the benter.<br />The bend is just the inverse of<br />The distance from the centre.<br />Though their intrigue left Euclid dumb<br />There's now no need for rule of thumb.<br />Since zero bend's a dead straight line<br />''The sum of the squares of all four bends''<br />''Is half the square of their sum.''<br /> <br />To spy out spherical affairs<br />An oscular surveyor<br />Might find the task laborious,<br />The sphere is much the gayer,<br />And now besides the pair of pairs<br />A fifth sphere in the kissing shares.<br />Yet, signs and zero as before,<br />For each to kiss the other four<br />''The square of the sum of all five bends''<br />''Is thrice the sum of their squares.'' ** [[w:Problem of Apollonius#kiss_precise|The Kiss Precise]] refers to the {{w|Problem of Apollonius}}, Soddy's rediscovery of {{w|Descartes' theorem}}, {{w|Soddy circles of a triangle}} and more. <small>'''See also''': '''1''') [https://pballew.blogspot.com/2014/10/the-kiss-precise-soddys-circle-theorem.html The Kiss Precise, Soddy's Circle Theorem] @pballew.blogspot.com, Pat'sBlog '''2''') "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68-bNGCu9j4 Alex Kontorovich - A Circle of Ideas:] How the Round Sphere Crisscrosses Mathematics (Jan 22, 2021)" a YouTube video @Simons Foundation channel. '''3''') "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4IC10BLBho Alex Kontorovich | Circle Packings and Their Hidden Treasures] | The Cartesian Cafe with Tim Nguyen", a YouTube video @Timothy Nguyen channel.</small> == Quotes about Soddy == * Soddy was a shining example of a man of science who didn't limit himself to a single field of knowledge, but, driven by profound [[Ethics|ethical]] reasons, he faced the most important issues in an interdisciplinary, or rather transdisciplinary, way, to account for the [[complexity]] of [[reality]]... ** Vincenzo Cioci, "Frederick Soddy, un chimico alle frontiere della conoscenza, fra Fisica, Economia, Matematica ed Ecologia" (2009) ''Memorie di Scienze Fisiche e Natural''i, vol. 127. pp. 319-330 as quoted by Aleksander Sztejnberg, "Frederick Soddy (1877-1956) - The Most Outstanding British Chemist of the First Half of the XX century (To the 145th Anniversary of His Birth)" Revista CENIC Ciencias Químicas (Jan 28, 2022) vol. 53, Esp.1, pp. 18-37. [https://www.redalyc.org/journal/1816/181676110002/html/ Source] @redalyc.org. === Frederick Soddy—Pioneer in Radioactivity (Jun 2011) === :<small>by Marc A. Shampo, {{w|Robert A. Kyle}}, David P. Steensma, Mayo Clinic Proceedings, 86(6):e39. doi: 10.4065/mcp.2011.0300. [https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3104923/ Source] @PubMed Central</small> * Frederick Soddy.... won the 1921 [[w:Nobel Prize in Chemistry|Nobel Prize in chemistry]]... In 1913, he was the first to announce the concept that [[atom]]s can be identical chemically and yet have different [[w:Relative atomic mass|atomic weight]]s. These... are... {{w|isotope}}s, a word coined by Soddy, meaning same or equal place... * [E]ntering [[w:Merton College, Oxford|Merton College]], [[William Ramsay]]... was one of his teachers. * In 1900, Soddy... pursue[d] postgraduate work at {{w|McGill University}}... with [[Ernest Rutherford]]... * At the University College, Soddy identified {{w|helium}} as a product of the decay of {{w|radium}}. * In 1920 while at [[University of Oxford|Oxford]], Soddy predicted that, because the rates of {{w|radioactive decay}} were known, {{w|isotope}}s could be used to determine the [[w:Radiometric dating|geologic age of rocks and fossils]]. This prediction was later fulfilled, leading to techniques... devised by... {{w|Willard Libby}}... * Soddy['s]... best known books are ''Matter and Energy'' (1912) and ''The Story of Atomic Energy'' (1949). * After... Soddy withdrew from... research in chemistry and radioactivity... [he] devoted... time to [[Economics|economic]], [[Social theory|social]], and [[Political philosophy|political theory]] and wrote several books on these subjects. * He became... controversial... and an outspoken critic on social issues, blaming scientists for... disregard of the social consequences of their work, including his own work on [[w:Radioactive decay|radioactivity]]. == See also == * {{w|Apollonius of Perga}} * [[René Descartes|Descartes, René]] * {{w|Descartes' theorem}} * [[Radio-activity|Radioactivity]] by Ernest Rutherford * [[William Ramsay|Ramsay, William]] * [[Ernest Rutherford|Rutherford, Ernest]] * {{w|Soddy circles of a triangle}} * {{w|Soddy's hexlet}} == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{commons category}} * [https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/chemistry/1921/soddy/facts/ Frederick Soddy] @NobelPrize.org {{DEFAULTSORT:Soddy, Frederick}} [[Category:Chemists from England]] [[Category:Nobel laureates in Chemistry]] [[Category:1877 births]] [[Category:1956 deaths]] [[Category:University of Oxford alumni]] [[Category:Fellows of the Royal Society]] [[Category:Nobel laureates from England]] [[Category:University of Glasgow faculty]] [[Category:University of Aberdeen faculty]] 4tuempzmralb9yip0fplbq265p3naoy 3949429 3949423 2026-06-06T05:32:33Z ELApro 1595 /* Matter, Energy, Consciousness and Spirit (Apr 25. 1919) */minor edits/links 3949429 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Frederick Soddy.jpg|thumb|Scientific men can hardly escape the charge of [[ignorance]] with regard to the precise effect of the impact of modern [[science]] upon the mode of [[living]] of the [[people]] and upon their [[civilisation]].]] '''[[w:Frederick Soddy|Frederick Soddy]]''' ([[2 September]] [[1877]] – [[22 September]] [[1956]]) was an English radiochemist who explained, with [[Ernest Rutherford]], that [[w:radioactivity|radioactivity]] is due to the [[w:nuclear transmutation|transmutation]] of elements, now known to involve [[w:nuclear reactions|nuclear reactions]]. He also proved the existence of isotopes of certain radioactive elements. He received the Nobel Prize for Chemistry in 1921, and has a [[w:Soddy (crater)|crater]] named for him on the [[w:far side of the Moon|far side of the Moon]]. == Quotes == * As [[scientific]] men we have all, no doubt, felt that our work has been put often to base uses, which must lead to disaster. But what [[sin]] is to the moralist and [[crime]] to the jurist so to the scientific man is [[ignorance]]. On our plane [[knowledge]] and ignorance are the immemorial adversaries.<br />Scientific men can hardly escape the charge of ignorance with regard to the precise effect of the impact of modern science upon the mode of living of the people and upon their civilisation. For them, such a charge is worse than that of crime. ** [http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/chemistry/laureates/1921/soddy-speech.html Frederick Soddy's speech at the Nobel Banquet in Stockholm (10 December 1922)] * [[Chemistry]] has been termed by the physicist as the messy part of physics, but that is no reason why the physicists should be permitted to make a mess of chemistry when they invade it. ** As quoted in ''American Journal of Physics'', Vol. 14 | (1946), p. 248 * Some of the [[beliefs]] and legends bequethed to us by Antquity are so universally and firmly established that we have become accustomed to consider them as being almost as ancient as [[humanity]] itself. Nevertheless we are tempted to inquire how far the fact that some of these beliefs and legends have so many features in common is due to chance, and wether the similarity between them may not point to the exestience of an ancient, totally unknown and unsuspected [[civilization]] of which all other traces have disappeared. ** As quoted in ''Morning of the Magicians'' (1963) by Louis Pauwels and Jacques Berger, p. 181 <!-- New York, New York, Avon Books --> === Intra-atomic Charge (Dec 4, 1914) === :<small>''[[w:Nature (journal)|Nature]]'', No. 2301, Vol. 92, [https://archive.org/details/nature9219131914lock/page/399/mode/1up p. 399-400.]</small> * I regard [[w:Antonius van den Broek|van der Broek]]’s view, that the number representing the net positive charge of the [[Atomic nucleus|nucleus]] is the number of the place which the [[Chemical element|element]] occupies in the {{w|periodic table}} when all the possible places from {{w|hydrogen}} to {{w|uranium}} are arranged in sequence, as practically proved so far as the relative value of the [[w:Electric charge|charge]] for the members of the end of the sequence, from {{w|thallium}} to uranium, is concerned. We are left uncertain as to the absolute value of the charge, because of the doubt regarding the exact number of {{w|rare-earth element}}s that exist. If we assume that all of these are known, the value for the positive charge of the nucleus of the uranium atom is about 90. Whereas if we make the more doubtful assumption that the periodic table runs regularly, as regards numbers of places, through the rare-earth group, and that between {{w|barium}} and {{w|radium}}, for example, two complete long periods exist, the number is 96. In either case it is appreciably less than 120, the number were the charge equal to one-half the [[w:Relative atomic mass|atomic weight]], as it would be if the nucleus were made out of a particles only. Six nuclear [[electron]]s are known to exist in the uranium atom, which expels in its changes six [[w:Beta particle|β rays]]. Were the nucleus made up of [[w:Alpha particle|α particle]]s there must be thirty or twenty-four respectively nuclear electrons, compared with ninety-six or 102 respectively in the ring. If, as has been suggested, hydrogen is a second component of atomic structure, there must be more than this. But there can be no doubt that there must be some, and that the central charge of the atom on [[w:Rutherford model|Rutherford’s theory]] cannot be a pure positive charge, but must contain electrons, as [[w:Antonius van den Broek|van der Broek]] concludes. * So far as I personally am concerned, '''this has resulted in a great clarification of my ideas, and it may be helpful to others, though no doubt there is little originality in it. The same algebraic sum of the positive and negative charges in the nucleus, when the arithmetical sum is different, gives what I call "{{w|isotope}}s" or "isotopic elements," because they occupy the same place in the {{w|periodic table}}. They are chemically identical, and save only as regards the relatively few physical properties which depend upon atomic mass directly, physically identical also.''' Unit changes of this nuclear charge, so reckoned algebraically, give the successive places in the periodic table. For any one "place," or any one nuclear charge, more than one number of electrons in the outer-ring system may exist, and in such a case the element exhibits variable valency. But such changes of number, or of valency, concern only the ring and its external environment. There is no in- and out-going of electrons between ring and nucleus. === Matter, Energy, Consciousness and Spirit (Apr 25. 1919) === :<small>Lecture to the [[w:University of Aberdeen|Aberdeen University]] Christian Union, {{w|Marischal College}} and in ''Science and life; Aberdeen addresses'' (1920) [https://archive.org/details/sciencelifeaberd00sodduoft/page/173/mode/1up pp. 149-174.]</small> * [[Science]] has wrecked beyond repair certain [[dogma]]s and [[belief]]s... current prior to... the [[doctrine]] of [[evolution]]... That doctrine has... reversed the traditional outlook of men and turned their highest interest from the contemplation of the [[past]] to the problems of the [[future]]. But physical science... contemporaneously... has contributed in its doctrine of [[energy]] an advance of... possibly... greater fundamental importance... It, therefore, is almost a duty of the scientific man... to attempt to rebuild.., destroy, and to state... his view of the matters in which hitherto the [[priest]] and the [[Philosophy|philosopher]] have, with insufficient knowledge of external [[nature]], been left to themselves. * Do not draw the hasty conclusion that, because the clarity and unanimity reached in the study of inanimate nature have not been approached in the [[biology|study of life]], they have... no application... to the higher aspects of life. ...[A]s regards what it is impossible to believe.., they effect a not inconsiderable simplification, and... pave the way... for a more definite and truer... [[philosophy]] to replace the old. * [[Life]]... is lived in an [[Intimacy|intimate]] relation with the external physical [[universe]], and the breaking of that connection is [[death]]. ...[M]en ...have contended that [[life]] [[w:Transcendence (philosophy)|transcends]] the breaking of the bond between it and the external world and persists ... * '''Amid a world of [[appearance]] and [[change]], [[science]] seeks the fundamental and abiding [[Reality|realities]], and... applies... the test of "[[w:Conservation law|conservation]]." Whatever is conserved unchanged during all possible changes is regarded as [[Reality|real]].''' * '''We speak of the {{w|conservation of energy}}, meaning that in the... interplay of [[matter]], [[motion]] and [[force]].., however complicated.., or... violent and catastrophic.., something is unchanged and remains the same.., and that... is termed [[energy]]. ...[N]othing, not even [[money]], has a more ''real'' [[existence]].''' * I make no pretence... whether the personality, conscience and soul... is... capable of being regarded as... development of the simple consciousness, or awareness, of its existence... possessed by the lowly {{w|organism}}. I accept the... complete break of continuity between the animate and inanimate worlds, as being all that is really demanded... If I am told that unless I make another such break between man and... animals, I weaken the argument I have suggested accounting for the origin of the belief in... [[immortality]]... by including therein all living creatures, it is only necessary to say that the general doctrine of [[evolution]] of man from the lower animals seems to point unmistakably in this direction. * It is the [[priest]]s, not [[religion]], [that] it is difficult for scientific men to live with... '''[S]cience cannot coexist with priest-craft.''' * '''The [[science|scientific man]] seeks [[truth]] as a continually developing [[wikt:revelation#Noun|revelation]], and he changes his outlook on the world... as it unfolds itself before his eyes. The [[priest]] teaches that in some remote period... [[God]]... [[Revelation|revealed Truth]] once and for all [[time]]''', and his profession is to guard it against all comers. * '''I do not believe that the [[soul]] any more than the [[mind]] can [[wikt:stagnation#Noun|stagnate]]. It must [[Growth|grow]] or [[decay]].''' * '''The [[world]]... has changed.., not on account of anything... in the [[w:Mosaic authorship|Mosaic]] or [[Christianity|Christian]] {{w|revelation}}s, but on account of the new revelations of [[science]]. ...[T]hese have come... by... the reverse of supernatural, by [[Work|laborious]] [[experiment]] and [[measurement]], by slow accumulation of [[knowledge]] and honest and unbiassed weighing of the evidence... [T]hey constitute an essential part of the whole [[truth]]''', be our religious convictions what they may. * A [[truth]]... [by] [[Divinity|divine]] [[revelation]] must... be supposed... the [[w:Absolute (philosophy)|absolute]] or [[wikt:ultimate#Adjective|ultimate]] truth... unattainable by... [[human]] inquiry. * '''What a [[Science|scientific man]] conceives to be the [[truth]] is... [[wikt:distinct#Adjective|distinct]]. He is not concerned.., not... greatly interested, in ultimate, absolute and unattainable truth.''' He frames a [[hypothesis]] and tests it in every possible way. So long as... [[fact]] is in accord with the hypothesis, and no other hypothesis is in accord.., it is all he seeks to know. * If, in the external universe, every event and phenomenon occurs in the precise and often predictable way it would occur if the [[hypothesis]] were true, that hypothesis is regarded as the [[truth]], until something occurs which proves it to be in [[error]]. * There is sometimes loose talk—even among scientific men attempting to generalise concerning other subjects...—that the scientific hypotheses of one age become the laughing stock of the next, but such talkers are often the laughing stock of their own age to those best qualified... '''[T]here is a steady.., increasingly rapid advance being made into the foundations of [[knowledge]]'''.., '''impressive... in the continuous evidence... that these foundations have been well and truly laid.''' * '''No one desires to suppose that... [the [[Scientific method|methods of science]]] are the only methods by which [[Truth]] is to be sought or found. But when it comes to... imparting [[knowledge]].., to [[Education|educating]]''' the growing citizen to a knowledge of himself and his environment.., '''differences... [are] great.''' * A... [[Mysticism|mystic]] or a {{w|monk}}... who has withdrawn himself from the world and practised starvation, celibacy and general [[w:Mortification of the flesh|mortification of the body]], aspires to reach a spiritual plane from which the world, either... [the] mechanical or... vital aspect, can be left behind and forgotten as a distraction and a curse. ...My criticism ...is concerned with the value to humanity of the results... [W]hatever pinnacle of pure contemplative philosophy... ultimately... reached, little... communicable or of general value to the life or thought of the world seems... [to] result. * His scientific analogue is... equally [[Selfishness|selfish]]. He... must utterly immerse himself in his own plane of thought, and... investigate... without... consideration... to the existence of any other plane, or to whether his work be... [[Goodness|good]] or [[evil]].., [[Value (ethics)|valuable]] or [[wikt:useless#Adjective|useless]]... But such a man, unconsciously... but... infallibly, has taken the one... real method of [[w:Discovery (observation)|discovery]].., and his [[work]]... has been such as to change the mode of living and mental outlook of his kind. * '''But the interest of the average man... must... rest in a just appreciation of the relations of these... worlds, the [[Spirituality|spiritual]] and the [[Machine|mechanical]], to his own life.''' ...[O]ut of ... direct connection... '''they... meet on common ground — ''in him''.''' ...He has to make his peace with both, as he is the [[Suffering|sufferer]] if his [[soul]] gets caught in the gear.<br />Neither... spiritual nor mechanical worlds contain him. ...[N]either spirit nor machine, he is an animal, born as animals are born, his... [[life]] largely occupied with... sex.., parents, mate.., offspring and the domestic hearth, in later phases with the social, communal and national life.<br />Thus '''we have three distinct worlds, linked each to each, as... of a chain, the middle link only being in direct relationship to the whole.''' * The cold, soulless mechanism of the [[cosmos]] invades the living organism, and the principles of [[energy]] and [[matter]]... in the inanimate world [[wikt:govern#Verb|govern]] [[Human|man]]... * All that we can learn by science of the... processes... of the living body has been learned in those deep foundations of knowledge appertaining to the [[Simplicity|simplest]] state... wherein phenomena and events are unobscured by... life. * '''[[Mechanics]], the science of moving masses of matter, has been extended to... masses... not individually capable of being apprehended..: [[molecule]]s and [[atom]]s.., the mechanics of which constitute [[chemistry]] and [[physics]].''' * '''[C]larification of thought... from the occupation and interpretation of the mechanical world''', whether of [[Cosmos|cosmical]] systems or of the [[w:Human body|body of a man]], '''is unique. ''For from this world [[mystery]] in any real sense has been banished''. ...Our knowledge of matter and energy ...is far from complete. But in this field we can move with an assurance, and a power of [[Prediction|predicting]]... true of no other realm of study.''' * '''Absolute or Ultimate [[Truth]]... may be for ever unattainable... [T]he fundamentals of to-day'''—[[matter]], [[electricity]], the [[Luminiferous aether|ether]] and [[energy]] — '''may in the fulness of time be displaced by still more fundamental [[Concept|conception]]s.''' * '''We... have acquired the sense of direction, though whole territories may await exploration. Though the road... forever recedes, ''we know the direction''... is definitely away from, and not towards the [[Mystery|mysteries]] of [[life]] and [[spirit]].''' * '''The path hewn by [[knowledge]] through [[ignorance]] points two ways''' in the direction of the absolute unattainable truth. Man has always tended to confound these two classes of the ultimately unknowable. * [[Heaven]] is at once the abode of the {{w|constellation}}s, which obey the [[Classical mechanics|laws of mechanics]] with undeviating precision, and where events and consequences are predicted.., and also the abode of [[God]], and the [[heavenly host]] of disembodied [[spirit]]s. * [[Magnetism]] is in a different world from the "[[animal magnetism]]" of [[Franz Mesmer|Mesmer]], and the wireless telegraphy that transmits messages through space affords no justification for believing, or otherwise, in {{w|telepathy}}. * [T]he further one advances towards the ultimate insoluble problems of [[physics]], the more completely one leaves... the phenomenon of [[life]] and... its [[Mystery|mysteries]]. The advance... has been from life and not towards it, and the clouded horizons.., whatever they... contain of [[wonder]] and revelation, are likely to afford little... to the... mystery of life. * '''In [[engineering]] we draw upon the {{W|chemical energy}} of {{w|fuel}}, and by [[Fire|combustion]] convert it into {{w|heat}}—the chaotic rush of [[molecule]]s in every direction...—and from this [[chaos]], by... [[w:Engine|prime-mover]], we produce... orderly motion of... {{w|mechanical energy}}... to lighten the heavy [[Work|labour]]... and perform tasks which before would have been done by [[w:Working animal|draught cattle]] or [[Slavery|slaves]].''' * '''[T]erms [[w:Vitalism|"vital energy" or "vital force"]] have disappeared. [[Energy]], like money, has many denominations, but... fixed exchange ratios throughout the [[universe]], whether in the living organism or... non-living world.''' * The ''[[Power (physics)|power]]'' by which we live and move and have our being is... that which drives on the [[stars]]... [[Science]] now takes it... whether in fuel, waterfall or sunshine—...all one—and uses it to do... [[Work|labour]] of men. * '''[[Science]] can... transfer [[energy]]... into living bodies, so that... two may live where before one would have struggled miserably for an existence.<br />A simple people, who confused [[power]] with [[deity]], like the [[Ancient Greece|ancient Greeks]] or primitive [[Vikings]], would have seen, in this control... the act of a [[god]]''', and from their... view... the most god-like achievement man has ever accomplished. * '''[W]e do not think... that there is a "[[w:Vitalism|vital chemistry]]"''' different from ordinary [[chemistry]]. Some... peculiarly vital chemical processes have... been found... precisely similar to those that... in mineral and inorganic chemistry. Thus '''{{w|fermentation}}, once thought to depend upon living organisms... [are] processes... due to unorganised "{{w|enzyme}}s,"''' secreted by the organism, and these enzymes are '''analogous to the "[[Catalysis|catalysts]]" of inorganic chemistry.''' ...[S]uch catalysts—finely divided {{w|platinum}}... is one of the commonest...— are '''"[[poison]]ed" by the same poisons''' — {{w|arsenic}}, [[w:Hydrogen cyanide|prussic acid]]...[etc]—as are '''most deadly to life.''' ...The poison ...destroying ...activities of these catalysts... stops the processes. * '''[A]ll... [[principles]] that govern [[Chemistry|chemical]] phenomena in inanimate matter are observed in the processes peculiar to [[life]].''' * [L]imited, but... significant, control over the processes of inanimate nature... to make them proceed to ends different from... natur[e]... especially, in directions... useful, or... otherwise only attainable by... living organism[s], enables us to construct... '''a model of the living organism'''. It '''is a machine, or mechanical microcosm, under continuous and varying control, by... an internally resident directing [[intelligence]] or [[personality]].''' * For ages [[Niagara Falls|Niagara]] roared over its gorge in accordance with the laws of nature, uncontrolled. ...Now tunnels have been drilled in the rock, through which a part of the water falls, no longer to run riot in commotion at the bottom, but smoothly... deprived of its energy in a turbine, to... a dynamo... the transformed energy flows out as {{w|electric power}} capable of lightening the labours of men.<br />'''Niagara... is a mechanism as before, but... linked to... [[intelligence]]... guiding and varying its action... It is... one step nearer to being a living organism than before.., a rough and partial model of... the living organism'''... * '''There is no [[life]]—body, [[mind]] or [[soul]]...— no [[birth]], [[growth]] or even [[existence]], without a continuous supply and expenditure of [[energy]].''' * '''For [[Goodness|good]] or [[evil]], [[human|man]] has geared his own mechanism with the unbounded machinery of inanimate Nature, and... made possible... elimination of the ugliest features of his existence'''... * '''Man is... able to project out of himself the personality... in control of his... body, into the mechanism of Nature, so'''... without violating any [[Natural law|law]] or [[Principles|principle]], '''a process that goes naturally in a useless direction may be made to go in a direction... useful.''' * In the control of his own mechanism, similarly, it is the [[energy]] of the external inanimate [[universe]] which is guided, not coerced, and still less created. * [G]uidance withdrawn.., processes of life resume their uncontrolled natural direction. * '''In low organisms the [[Cybernetics|guidance]] seems... largely automatic, a response to [[w:Stimulus (physiology)|stimuli]]... Even in man.., important routine functions of life are performed, asleep and awake, by a [[subconscious]] regulation, or.., a subconscious personality. But... higher animals... developed a [[consciousness]] or [[Self-awareness|awareness of... individual existence]] and... [[w:Situation awareness|existence of its environment]], which [[Intelligence|intelligently]]... directs... acts of [[life]] at [[w:Will (philosophy)|will]].''' ** <small>'''Also see''': [[Solipsism]]</small> * '''The [[mystery]] is in... the combination of the [[Intelligence|intelligent]] guidance with... a perfectly understandable [[machine]]. Separately the two functions are... comprehensible. Their combination in a single self-contained {{w|organism}} is the... mystery of [[life]].''' * The self-contained organism is not comprehensible, but the combination of an inanimate mechanism and an external [[Will (philosophy)|will]] is more intelligible. * '''[T]here is in man a [[conscience]] as well as a [[consciousness]], an ineradicable aspiration towards [[virtue]], which is certainly no less difficult to understand.''' * '''The combination of the [[machine]] and [[soul]] is as much a riddle as the combination of machine and [[mind]]. [[Theology]] has striven to separate the two, has abstracted the [[soul]] as... independent'''.., and regarded it as a projection from and '''part of a general soul of humanity, existing distinct from and outside of individual men.''' For the mechanism of Niagara we have the bodily mechanism, and for the personality in control, instead of the humble representative of applied science, the humble individual soul, acting upon orders received from and owing allegiance to an external [[deity]] of which it forms a part. * '''[[H. G. Wells]]... defined the main difference between an ordinary, modern, intelligent, well-educated, benevolent and morally right-minded [[Atheism|atheist]] or [[Agnosticism|agnostic]] and the genuine [[Theism|religious enthusiast]]''', as being in the... [atheist or agnostic]'s view of his [own]... high-minded and unimpeachable personality as a separate isolated existence, independent of all others, and the... [religious enthusiast]'s view that what is benevolent, high-minded and noble in his personality is not a natural consequence of the life-process, but part of a [[Personal god|personal God]], who responds to and lives in... closest relationship with... individual souls... * The engineers in the power-house of Niagara are... not isolated existences actuating their machinery out of their own self-sufficiency. They take their instructions from a superior, and the science and practice... in those orders are an accumulation of... that... best in the labours of many men, alive and dead. No single mind could create that knowledge, even if one could... fully to comprehend it. * If you talk to these men at their work, you would find... they were... self-contained, knowing little of and caring less for the mere [[Theory|theoretical]] amateurs who, with... sealing-wax.., wire and.., crude home-made machines, created their livelihood. * [M]uch the same... the religious philosopher holds that the benevolent atheist attributes to himself and his... innate self-righteousness a... great deal... He prefers to believe himself the humble subordinate of a superior being that combines, in one personality, the best of all beings that ever lived. * There is common ground in the position, that even though a single mind might be able to comprehend all that has gone to the evolution and survival of the essentially humane type of man, no single personality could, if isolated, arrive at it by himself. * There is a continuity that endures in the creative achievements of humanity, whether, as the [[Theism|theist]] believes, in... a [[Personal god|personal Deity]], or whether as a collective memory, engraved in type or ancient saga... from which... we can hardly escape. * There seems very little between these views worth argument, and '''among educated modern peoples, were it not for the [[priest]]s, religious differences would scarcely trouble the world.''' * '''There is..., a danger''', since knowledge... is... patchy, and first-class minds are rarely content with the known, but... push off into the unknown, and so become [[Specialization|specialists]], '''that the mystery of [[life]] becomes automatically thrust out from those regions each has... explored... into those known only at second-hand and by hearsay or from books.''' * Thus, '''as a physicist or chemist, I hold... there is no mystery... in the [[wikt:inanimate#Adjective|inanimate]] [[universe]], and I put the {{w|Rubicon}} between [[Machine|mechanism]] and [[life]]. A biologist... might totally disagree.''' But, apart from extreme opinions... '''there is a growing tendency to distinguish between the mechanism of life and its [[Consciousness|conscious]] regulation.''' ...'''[A] completeness of [[knowledge]]''', equal to that in the processes of inanimate nature... and even the artificial generation of life of a simple kind, '''would not necessarily add anything to the solution of the real [[mystery]].''' * [[Machine|Mechanism]] there is... and [[subconscious]] control for most complicated routine processes, but '''the [[mind]] can hardly be equal to the task of explaining itself to itself.''' * The mechanical and even the animal or vital aspects have been thrust into the background by a developed [[personality]], that consistently acts and tries to act—and therefore... ''is''—a distinct being, resident in the body as a man may live in a house, and, if real, then by the canons of human thought, [[Immortality|immortal]]. * [[Thought]], [[reason]]ing power, [[memory]], [[Free will|free-will]], the [[Aesthetics|aesthetic]] [[perception]]s of [[beauty]] and [[harmony]], the [[Ethics|ethical]] ideas of [[virtue]], [[justice]], [[duty]], and [[self-sacrifice]], and the [[Spirituality|spiritual]] aspirations of [[holiness]] and [[Immortality|triumph over death]], divide him from the simplest form of life. * [[Science]]... has a long road to travel from the [[stars]] to the [[Kingdom of God|kingdom of heaven]]. But there seems to be but the one chasm that cannot be crossed, and which, though the gulf ever narrows, still remains unbridged. * The [[Will (philosophy)|will]] to perform, and, in the special sense that concerns human beings, the [[Benevolence|goodwill]] to perform [[Goodness|good]], is in its nature and origin alone an attribute of [[life]]. * '''The [[power]] to perform is derived ''in toto'' from the inanimate world''', however many elaborate metamorphoses it may undergo, and through however many organisms, vegetable and animal, it may pass before it reaches man. * '''The [[world]] that is [[Death|dead]] vitally and spiritually is not dead physically.''' * The [[moon]]... is commonly supposed... a [[Death|dead]] world, though since the same [[sun]] shines upon it as upon us it cannot be really dead. * '''It is''' in the present state of [[physics]] '''impossible to conceive of a physically [[Death|dead]] world, that is to say, a world without any available source of [[energy]].''' * The discovery of [[w:Radioactive decay|radioactivity]] has revealed an immense store of [[energy]] in the [[atom]]s... compared with which all... hitherto... known sinks into insignificance. * Instead..., of the [[world]] gradually cooling by... it must be getting steadily hotter in its interior owing to the energy evolved by the [[w:Radionuclide|radioactive elements]].., unless there are unknown factors... to compensate... * '''A [[world]] without [[energy]]... implies a world without [[matter]] and, therefore, no world at all.''' * '''Given a clear course and that most rare of national qualities, [[common sense]], physical [[science]] can abolish the struggle for existence so far as concerns [[food]] and {{w|fuel}}.<br />But so far the pearls of [[science]] have been cast before swine, who have given us in return [[millionaire]]s and {{w|slum}}s, [[Weapon|armaments]] and the [[wikt:desolation#Noun|desolation]] of [[war]].''' * The use, rather than... abuse, of this control of the unlimited resources of [[Nature]] brings within the range of practicability the abolition of poverty, destitution and economic slavery of the many... * '''Weighty... influences... prevent... approach to the realisation of [[Utopia]], but—and this should be written on every [[Church]] throughout the length and breadth of the land—they are not now physical but [[Morality|moral]].''' * The [[Church]]es, which should have been the first to welcome the possibility... have... to be won over to the side of the humane man. They have hitherto... proved... the most bigoted and powerful opponents of the [[science]].., alone... able to bring within... practical [[politics]] for the [[masses]] the [[Christianity|Christian]] principles... * A [[religion]] that on the most important questions of everyday life has nothing to say.., is a greater [[danger]] to the vitality of a nation than... [[scepticism]] and [[unbelief]]. * '''The idea that physical [[power]] is one of the attributes of [[deity]], and the conception of an all-powerful being directing the [[universe]] and the physical affairs of men, has left behind it a legacy of nothing but [[wikt:calamity#Noun|calamity]].''' According to the scientific definition of [[truth]].., there is no such being. * The external [[universe]] behaves as a [[machine]] working automatically according to the [[Natural law|laws]] and [[principles]] contained in its own mechanism, and... it does not exhibit a vestige of that [[Arbitrariness|arbitrary]] and [[purpose]]ful [[wikt:variation#Noun|variation]] that would imply a [[personality]] in [[control]]. * '''We hear''' from well-meaning, but... unpractical, people '''that the [[evil]]s the [[world]] [[Suffering|suffer]]s... are due to its [[neglect]] of [[God]], but... the worst of them are... traceable to the enthronement of God in the wrong place.''' * [[Science]] has banished the conception of [[deity]] for ever from '''the working of the inanimate [[world]]''', which '''behaves''' in all respects '''as, and therefore ''is'' a simple machine... The task of controlling it is [[Human|man]]'s, not [[God]]'s.''' * '''If through [[ignorance]] and [[incompetence]]... [man] fails, no personality, vindictive or benevolent, will interfere. The machine will go on in the same way as..., according to geology, it has been.., in a regular uniform manner for aeons before man arrived'''... * I do not expect to escape or shirk the question, '''"Who... created... this wonderful and intricate machinery?"''' Science answers that '''matter and [[energy]] cannot be created or destroyed. The [[universe]] is [[Eternity|eternal]].''' * '''Just as the man of science is unable to push his mechanical conceptions to explain [[life]] and the [[Deity]], so the [[Theism|theist]] must not push his conception of the Deity and life into the inanimate [[universe]].''' The {{w|Rubicon}} that cannot be crossed in the one direction obviously must not be crossed in the other. * '''[A]ncient [[creed]]s are working an infinitude of [[harm]] in the world, and nowhere more than to the cause of [[religion]].''' === The Origins of the Conception of Isotopes (Dec 12, 1922) === :<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/chemistry/1921/soddy/lecture/ Nobel Prize Lecture] for {{w|Nobel Prize in Chemistry}} @NobelPrize.org</small> * The work of my students and myself, for which you have so signally honoured me... is... a small part of much pioneering work... over... nearly twenty years, into the chemistry of radio-elements and the existence and nature of {{w|isotope}}s. * '''I''' [will] '''try to disentangle the real origins of the conception of {{w|isotope}}s'''.., so far... as I have been connected... * What is so very simple and clear to us today at first had a very... puzzling character... * '''The interpretation of [[w:Radioactive decay|radioactivity]]... published... 1903 by... [[Ernest Rutherford|Rutherford]] and myself ascribed the phenomena to the [[w:Radioactive decay|spontaneous disintegration of the atoms]].., whereby a part... was violently ejected as a radiant particle, and the remainder formed a... new kind of atom'''... * [[w:Decay chain|[D]isintegrations proceed successively]] a large number of times... [T]here results a series of more or less unstable new elements, between the original parent element and the... unknown final product. * '''The... study of the chemical character of these successive unstable elements... introduced an idea [that the chemical elements are not... homogeneous.., merely chemically homogeneous]... subversive of the fundamental [[doctrine]]s of [[chemistry]].''' * '''In some cases... they are mixtures of different constituents... only identical in their chemical character. ...Colloquially, their atoms have identical outsides but different insides.''' * '''Chemical analysis classifies according to... systems of [[electron]]s which surround a... [[Atomic nucleus|nucleus]], whereas [[w:Radioactive decay|radioactive changes]].., [i.e.] veritable [[w:Nuclear transmutation|transmutation]]s, concern the... constitution of this... [[Atomic nucleus|nucleus]]. ...[T]he same exterior may conceal very different interiors in... atomic structure.''' * These elements... identical in... chemical character.., not separable by... chemical analysis are now called {{w|isotope}}s. * The power of spontaneously emitting rays... was discovered in 1896 by... Becquerel for the compounds of... uranium. * '''[P]hysicists sorted the rays... into... α−, β− and γ-rays... [[w:Beta particle|β-rays]] were shown to be... expulsion of... [[electron]]s... at a far higher speed than any... in the {{w|vacuum tube}} as [[w:Television|cathode-ray]]s. The [[w:Gamma ray|γ-rays]] were... {{w|X-ray}}s... of... greater penetrating power.''' In due course... X-rays were shown to be '''[[w:Electromagnetic radiation|waves of light]] of extraordinary short wavelength and high frequency''', whilst... γ-rays are... of even shorter wavelength and higher frequency. The '''[[w:Alpha particle|α-rays]] were''' first proved to be... '''radiant atoms of... positive charge and... identified''', after many years of... work '''by... [[Ernest Rutherford|Rutherford]], with {{w|helium}} atoms carrying two atomic charges of positive electricity.''' * '''[[William Ramsay|William Ramsay]] and I had shown in 1903 that {{w|helium}} was... continuously generated from {{w|radium}}''' in a [[w:History of spectroscopy|spectroscopically]] detectable quantity... '''[S]ubsequent work showed... helium is generated, as α-particles, in all the [[w:Radioactive decay|radioactive changes]]... [expelling] α−rays'''... * [T]he [[w:Ionizing radiation|ionization]] produced in gases by all these new types of {{w|radiation}} was quickly elucidated, and... highly sensitive and accurate methods of measurement... evolved, which... contributed to the rapid development of the subject. * On the chemical side... work of '''[[Pierre Curie|M. and]] [[Marie Curie|Mme. Curie]] had shown [[w:Radioactive decay|radioactivity]] to be a specific atomic property... restricted to the last two'''... then known '''elements, {{w|uranium}} and {{w|thorium}}''', though... {{w|potassium}} and {{w|rubidium}} emit [[w:Beta particle|β-rays]], exhibiting in this respect... radioactivity. '''Using the new property''' much as the pioneers with the [[w:Optical spectrometer|spectroscope]] [[Spectroscopy|used the spectra]] in the discovery of new elements, '''they discovered the powerfully radioactive... {{w|polonium}} and {{w|radium}}, and, [[w:André-Louis Debierne|M. Debierne]], {{w|actinium}}''', in the [[w:Uraninite|uranium minerals]]. * '''Of the... similar new radio-elements... {{w|radium}}''' is still the only one [of] the compounds... prepared in a pure state, and for which the spectrum and atomic weight have been determined. As regards its... chemical character radium is... normal and its properties could have been predicted accurately for... its place in the {{w|Periodic Table}}. It is the last member of the... [[w:Alkaline earth metal|alkaline earths]] and stands in relation to {{w|thorium}} as thorium does to {{w|uranium}} in the [[w:Periodic table|periodic system]]. But... it '''possesses a radioactive character truly astounding.''' The energy it evolves... 133 calories per gram per hour. ...[T]he uniqueness of radium is due mainly to... its average life, 2440 years.., sufficiently long to... accumulate in... minerals.., yet short enough for the rate at which the energy... is liberated to be... surprising. * '''In the... various [[w:Decay chain|disintegration series]]''' of [[w:Decay chain#Uranium series|uranium]], [[w:Decay chain#Thorium series|thorium]] and [[w:Decay chain#Actinium series|actinium]], '''every degree of atomic instability is encountered.''' The average life varies from... [~]1010 years, for... primary... uranium and thorium, down to... a minute.., the limit beyond which the chemical character cannot be investigated. But by physical methods... down to... 1/350 second have been... in evidence, and two, of the order... 10<sup>-6</sup> and 10<sup>-11</sup> second, are indirectly inferred. * '''The chemical and spectroscopic character is that of the atom during its normal.., uneventful life, whilst its radioactive character is... produced by its sudden death.''' But for this... it might have been supposed that the chemical character of such... substances would also be extraordinary. * In investigating the [[w:Radioactive decay|radioactivity]] of {{w|thorium compounds}}, we found that a constituent responsible for the greater part of its radio-activity could be separated by the use of specific reagents. * '''Radioactive character provides as fine a criterion for [[w:Quantitative analysis (chemistry)|quantitative]] and [[w:Qualitative inorganic analysis|qualitative analysis]] as any of the chemical and spectroscopic tests'''... * The history of {{w|isotope}}s fittingly commences with the discovery of [[w:Isotopes of thorium#Thorium-228|radio-thorium]], a new product in the [[w:Decay chain#Thorium series|thorium disintegration series]], by Sir [[William Ramsay]] and [[Otto Hahn]] in 1905... ** <small>'''Note''': Radiothorium is [[w:Isotopes of thorium#Thorium-228|<sup>228</sup>Th]], see [[w:Decay chain#Thorium series|Thorium decay chain series]].</small> * In 1905 also the discovery by [Tadeusz] Godlewski of [[w:Radium-223|actinium X]], an intermediate product between {{w|actinium}} and [[wikt:actinium emanation|its emanation]], in every way analogous to [[w:Isotopes of radium#Radium-224|thorium X]], was the commencement of the recognition of the general analogies that existed in the three series. ** <small>'''Note''': 1) The emination of actinium is [[w:Isotopes of radon#Radon-219|<sup>219</sup>Rn]], see [[w:Decay chain#Actinium series|Actinium decay chain series]]. 2) Thorium X is [[w:Isotopes of radium#Radium-224|<sup>224</sup>Ra]], see [[w:Decay chain#Thorium series|Thorium decay chain series]].</small> === The Kiss Precise (Jun 20, 1936) === :<small>F. Soddy, ''[[w:Nature (journal)|Nature]]'' [https://dbc.wroc.pl/Content/36401/PDF/39793.pdf Volume 137, No. 3477,] p. 1021.</small> * For pairs of lips to kiss maybe<br />Involves no trigonometry.<br />'Tis not so when four circles kiss<br />Each one the other three.<br />To bring this off the four must be<br />As three in one or one in three.<br />If one in three, beyond a doubt<br />Each gets three kisses from without.<br />If three in one, then is that one<br />Thrice kissed internally.<br /> <br />Four circles to the kissing come.<br />The smaller are the benter.<br />The bend is just the inverse of<br />The distance from the centre.<br />Though their intrigue left Euclid dumb<br />There's now no need for rule of thumb.<br />Since zero bend's a dead straight line<br />''The sum of the squares of all four bends''<br />''Is half the square of their sum.''<br /> <br />To spy out spherical affairs<br />An oscular surveyor<br />Might find the task laborious,<br />The sphere is much the gayer,<br />And now besides the pair of pairs<br />A fifth sphere in the kissing shares.<br />Yet, signs and zero as before,<br />For each to kiss the other four<br />''The square of the sum of all five bends''<br />''Is thrice the sum of their squares.'' ** [[w:Problem of Apollonius#kiss_precise|The Kiss Precise]] refers to the {{w|Problem of Apollonius}}, Soddy's rediscovery of {{w|Descartes' theorem}}, {{w|Soddy circles of a triangle}} and more. <small>'''See also''': '''1''') [https://pballew.blogspot.com/2014/10/the-kiss-precise-soddys-circle-theorem.html The Kiss Precise, Soddy's Circle Theorem] @pballew.blogspot.com, Pat'sBlog '''2''') "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68-bNGCu9j4 Alex Kontorovich - A Circle of Ideas:] How the Round Sphere Crisscrosses Mathematics (Jan 22, 2021)" a YouTube video @Simons Foundation channel. '''3''') "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4IC10BLBho Alex Kontorovich | Circle Packings and Their Hidden Treasures] | The Cartesian Cafe with Tim Nguyen", a YouTube video @Timothy Nguyen channel.</small> == Quotes about Soddy == * Soddy was a shining example of a man of science who didn't limit himself to a single field of knowledge, but, driven by profound [[Ethics|ethical]] reasons, he faced the most important issues in an interdisciplinary, or rather transdisciplinary, way, to account for the [[complexity]] of [[reality]]... ** Vincenzo Cioci, "Frederick Soddy, un chimico alle frontiere della conoscenza, fra Fisica, Economia, Matematica ed Ecologia" (2009) ''Memorie di Scienze Fisiche e Natural''i, vol. 127. pp. 319-330 as quoted by Aleksander Sztejnberg, "Frederick Soddy (1877-1956) - The Most Outstanding British Chemist of the First Half of the XX century (To the 145th Anniversary of His Birth)" Revista CENIC Ciencias Químicas (Jan 28, 2022) vol. 53, Esp.1, pp. 18-37. [https://www.redalyc.org/journal/1816/181676110002/html/ Source] @redalyc.org. === Frederick Soddy—Pioneer in Radioactivity (Jun 2011) === :<small>by Marc A. Shampo, {{w|Robert A. Kyle}}, David P. Steensma, Mayo Clinic Proceedings, 86(6):e39. doi: 10.4065/mcp.2011.0300. [https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3104923/ Source] @PubMed Central</small> * Frederick Soddy.... won the 1921 [[w:Nobel Prize in Chemistry|Nobel Prize in chemistry]]... In 1913, he was the first to announce the concept that [[atom]]s can be identical chemically and yet have different [[w:Relative atomic mass|atomic weight]]s. These... are... {{w|isotope}}s, a word coined by Soddy, meaning same or equal place... * [E]ntering [[w:Merton College, Oxford|Merton College]], [[William Ramsay]]... was one of his teachers. * In 1900, Soddy... pursue[d] postgraduate work at {{w|McGill University}}... with [[Ernest Rutherford]]... * At the University College, Soddy identified {{w|helium}} as a product of the decay of {{w|radium}}. * In 1920 while at [[University of Oxford|Oxford]], Soddy predicted that, because the rates of {{w|radioactive decay}} were known, {{w|isotope}}s could be used to determine the [[w:Radiometric dating|geologic age of rocks and fossils]]. This prediction was later fulfilled, leading to techniques... devised by... {{w|Willard Libby}}... * Soddy['s]... best known books are ''Matter and Energy'' (1912) and ''The Story of Atomic Energy'' (1949). * After... Soddy withdrew from... research in chemistry and radioactivity... [he] devoted... time to [[Economics|economic]], [[Social theory|social]], and [[Political philosophy|political theory]] and wrote several books on these subjects. * He became... controversial... and an outspoken critic on social issues, blaming scientists for... disregard of the social consequences of their work, including his own work on [[w:Radioactive decay|radioactivity]]. == See also == * {{w|Apollonius of Perga}} * [[René Descartes|Descartes, René]] * {{w|Descartes' theorem}} * [[Radio-activity|Radioactivity]] by Ernest Rutherford * [[William Ramsay|Ramsay, William]] * [[Ernest Rutherford|Rutherford, Ernest]] * {{w|Soddy circles of a triangle}} * {{w|Soddy's hexlet}} == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{commons category}} * [https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/chemistry/1921/soddy/facts/ Frederick Soddy] @NobelPrize.org {{DEFAULTSORT:Soddy, Frederick}} [[Category:Chemists from England]] [[Category:Nobel laureates in Chemistry]] [[Category:1877 births]] [[Category:1956 deaths]] [[Category:University of Oxford alumni]] [[Category:Fellows of the Royal Society]] [[Category:Nobel laureates from England]] [[Category:University of Glasgow faculty]] [[Category:University of Aberdeen faculty]] j6ybvvanakmnnz10c7xelh7cpy6470d 0 111647 3949437 3907752 2026-06-06T06:14:42Z Juustila 3287246 /* M */ 3949437 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:DSC02900 - Milano - Piazza Beccaria - Monumento a Cesare Beccaria - Foto di Giovanni Dall'Orto - 29-1-2007.jpg|right|thumb|Civilization means not only comfort in daily necessities but also the refining of knowledge and the cultivation of virtue so as to elevate human life to a higher plane. ~ [[Fukuzawa Yukichi]]]] [[File:Hans Bol - The Tower of Babel.jpg|thumb|As many as were the [[Division of labor|types of work]] involved in the [[Tower of Babel|enterprise]], so many were the [[Jargon|languages]] by which the human race was fragmented; and the more skill required for the type of work, the more [[Philistinism|rudimentary and barbaric]] the language they now spoke. But the holy tongue remained to those who had neither joined in the project nor praised it, but instead, thoroughly disdaining it, had made fun of the builders' stupidity. ~ [[Dante Alighieri]]]] A '''[[w:Civilization|civilization]]''' is a [[society]] characterized by [[City|urban development]], [[social stratification]] imposed by a cultural [[elite]], [[symbol]]ic systems of communication and a perceived separation from and domination over the [[Nature|natural environment]]. __NOTOC__ {{TOCalpha}} ==A== [[File:Firestorm cloud over Hiroshima (from Matsuyama).jpg|thumb|They have things like the atom bomb! So, I'll think I'll stay where I ''am''. Civilization? I'll stay right here! ~ [[w:The Andrews Sisters|The Andrews Sisters]] and [[Danny Kaye]]]] * Civilization is at the cross-roads. The issues are now so obvious that no argument is necessary. Forces of [[tyranny]] are arrayed against those who are minded for [[liberty]] and [[peace]]. [[Humanity]] is dividing into two camps. Men are spending most of their substance on material for mutual slaughter. In such a way are the first two thousand years of the [[w:Christian_era|Christian era]] drawing to a close. The world presents a panorama in which [[progress]] and [[Barbarian|barbarism]], [[organization]] and [[chaos]], [[Intelligence|brilliance]] and [[stupidity]] seem inextricably mixed. What has gone wrong? Is there true cause for [[hope]] or for [[despair]]? Is it possible to read the riddle of human [[evolution]], to discover the clue to future progress, and to find the means by which humanity can be set free from the present apparent deadlock? For civilization has reached an impasse involving other things than war, an impasse involving [[economics]], [[health]], [[morality]], and self-knowledge. Is there any way of piercing the fog of surface happenings, and of understanding the true trend and significance of events? Introduction ** [[Vera Stanley Alder]] in [[The Fifth Dimension and the Future of Mankind|''The Fifth Dimension and the Future of Mankind'']] (1940) *Man acts because he believes that his actions will bring forth certain results. The [[Birds|bird]] builds its nest because it anticipates in its own way certain [[family]] developments. All [[life]] looks to the [[future]]. It is only in ratio with our ability to estimate the future that our life will not be lived in vain. All the greatest creative works have been achieved well ahead of their time. Primitive man plans for the next few hours. Average man plans for the next few years. Superman plans for the coming centuries. The urgent need, therefore, is to learn to see what is ahead of us, if that is possible. I believe that it is possible, and that, without the aid of [[astrology]], [[Prophecy|prophetic]] [[dreams]] or [[psychic]] [[visions]], but purely through a [[Logic|logical]] [[thought]] process, we can tune in the mind to that part of its own world where the plan of the universe and the process of evolution is mapped out. It is, I am convinced, a process as practical, as scientific, and as sure as that of using a [[w:Wireless Set No. 1|wireless set]]. p 18 ** [[Vera Stanley Alder]] in [[The Fifth Dimension and the Future of Mankind|''The Fifth Dimension and the Future of Mankind'']] (1940) * Incorrigible humanity, therefore, led astray by the giant [[w:Nimrod|Nimrod]], presumed in its [[heart]] to outdo in skill not only nature but the source of its own nature, who is [[God]]; and began to build a [[Tower of Babel|tower]] in [[w:Sennaar|Sennaar]], which afterwards was called [[w:Babel|Babel]] (that is, 'confusion'). By this means human beings hoped to climb up to [[heaven]], intending in their [[foolishness]] not to equal but to excel their creator. ** [[Dante Alighieri]], ''[[w:De vulgari eloquentia|De vulgari eloquentia]]'', Chapter VII * Only among those who were engaged in a particular activity did their language remain unchanged; so, for in­stance, there was one for all the architects, one for all the carriers of stones, one for all the stone-breakers, and so on for all the different opera­tions. As many as were the [[Division of labor|types of work]] involved in the [[Tower of Babel|enterprise]], so many were the [[Jargon|languages]] by which the human race was fragmented; and the more skill required for the type of work, the more [[Philistinism|rudimentary and barbaric]] the language they now spoke. But the holy tongue remained to those who had neither joined in the project nor praised it, but instead, thoroughly disdaining it, had made fun of the builders' stupidity. ** [[Dante Alighieri]], ''[[w:De vulgari eloquentia|De vulgari eloquentia]]'', Chapter VII *They have things like the atom bomb! So, I'll think I'll stay where I ''am''. Civilization? I'll stay right here! **[[w:The Andrews Sisters|The Andrews Sisters]] and [[Danny Kaye]], [http://www.songlyrics.com/the-andrews-sisters/civilization-bongo-bongo-bongo-lyrics/ "Civilization (Bongo, Bongo, Bongo)"] (1947), Decca ==B== * The triumph of the [[industrial arts]] will advance the cause of civilization more rapidly than its warmest advocates could have hoped, and contribute to the permanent prosperity and strength of the country far more than the most splendid victories of successful [[war]]. ** [[Charles Babbage]]. ''[[Charles_Babbage#The_Exposition_of_1851:_Views_Of_The_Industry.2C_The_Science.2C_and_the_Government_Of_England.2C_1851|The Exposition of 1851]],'' p. xii-xiii *It is essential that all thinking people should give time and thought to the consideration of the major world problems with which we are now faced. Some of them can be solved with relative rapidity—given common sense and a correctly appreciated self-interest; others will require foresighted planning and a long patience as, one by one, the necessary steps are taken, leading to the readjustment of human values and the inauguration of new attitudes of mind regarding right human relations. In the recognition of the growth in human consciousness and in a realization of the distinction obviously existing between primitive men and our modern intelligent humanity lie the grounds for an unshaken optimism as to human destiny. Events in the immediate foreground do not blot out the long history of human development and obliterate recognition of the long range changes which have taken place within the human consciousness **[[Alice Bailey]], ''The Problems Of Humanity'' (1944) *It must be recognized that the cause of all world unrest, of the world wars which have wrecked humanity, and the widespread misery upon our planet, can largely be attributed to a selfish group with materialistic purposes, who have for centuries exploited the masses and used the [[Work|labour]] of mankind for their selfish ends... This group of [[Capitalism|capitalists]] has cornered and exploited the world's resources and the staples required for civilised living; they have been able to do this because they have owned and controlled the world's [[wealth]] through their interlocking directorates, and have retained it in their hands. They have made possible the [[Economic inequality|vast differences existing between the very rich and the very poor]]; they love [[money]] and the [[power]] which money gives; they have stood behind [[Government|governments]] and [[politicians]]; they have controlled the [[Elections|electorate]]; they have made possible the narrow [[Nationalism|nationalistic]] aims of selfish politics; they have financed the world [[Business|businesses]] and controlled [[oil]], [[w:Coal|coal]], [[Electricity|power]], [[light]] and [[transportation]]; they control publicly or sub rosa the world's banking accounts.<br>The responsibility for the widespread misery to be found today in every country in the world, lies predominantly at the door of certain major interrelated groups of [[Businessperson|businessmen]], [[Banking|bankers]], [[executives]] of [[Multinational corporation|international cartels]], [[Monopoly|monopolies]], [[Trust|trusts]] and [[Organization|organisations]], and directors of huge [[corporations]], who work for corporate or personal gain. p. 70/1 **[[Alice Bailey]], ''The Problems Of Humanity'' (1944) * If we mark civilisation to be the state in which men have the [[steam engine|steam-engine]], or [[printing]], or [[gun]]s, or any of the higher tokens of our civilisation, we make ourselves to have been too lately wholly uncivilised, and yet our fore-fathers were [[:wiktionary:civis#Latin|''cives'']] without those things of [[:wiktionary:civitas|''civitas'']]. ** [[William Barnes]], {{cite book|title=Outlines of Rede-craft (Logic): With English Wording|location=London|publisher=C. Kegan Paul & Company|year=1880|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=e7ARAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA46|page=46}} * The [[Bureaucracy|bureaucratic]] [[culture]] which prompts us to view society as an object of [[administration]], as a collection of so many 'problems' to be solved, as 'nature' to be 'controlled', 'mastered' and 'improved' or 'remade', as a legitimate target for '[[social engineering]]', and in general a [[Gardens|garden]] to be designed and kept in the planned shape by force (the gardening posture divides vegetation into 'cultured plants' to be taken care of, and weeds to be exterminated), was the very atmosphere in which the idea of [[the Holocaust]] could be conceived, slowly yet consistently developed, and brought to its conclusion. ** [[Zygmunt Bauman]], "Modernity and the Holocaust" (1989), in ''[[Against Civilization]]'' (1999), p. 133 * History cannot be written as if it belonged to one group [of people] alone. Civilization has been gradually built up, now out of the contributions of one [group], now of another. When all civilization is ascribed to the [Europeans], the claim is the same one which any anthropologist can hear any day from primitive tribes - only they tell the story of themselves. They too believe that all that is important in the world begins and ends with them... We smile when such claims are made [by primitive tribes], but ridicule might just as well be turned against ourselves Provincialism may rewrite history and play up only the achievements of the historian's own group, but it remains provincialism. ** Ruth Benedict, quoted in John M. Hobson. The Eastern Origins of Western Civilisation. New York: Bridge University Press, 2004. * There is no document of civilization that is not at the same time a document of barbarism. ** [[Walter Benjamin]], ''[[w:Theses on the Philosophy of History|Theses on the Philosophy of History]]'' (1940), VII * Civilization is by its nature [[bourgeois]] in the deepest spiritual sense of the word. 'Bourgeois' is synonymous precisely with the civilized kingdom of this world and the civilized will to organized power and enjoyment of life. The spirit of civilization is that of the middle classes; it is attached and clings to corrupt and transitory things; and it fears eternity. To be a bourgeois is therefore to be a slave of matter and an enemy of eternity. The perfected European and American civilizations gave rise to the industrial-capitalist system, which represents not only a mighty economic development but the spiritual phenomenon of the annihilation of spirituality. ** [[Nikolai Berdyaev]], ''The Meaning of History'' (1936), trans. George Reavey, New York * Civilization depends upon the control of our [[Instinct|instincts]]--[[aggression]] foremost among them. ** [[Claire Berlinski]], [https://twitter.com/ClaireBerlinski/status/1046653577245151232 Twitter post] (1 October 2018) * The dramatic growth of human civilization in the [[19th century|nineteenth]] and [[20th century|twentieth centuries]] would not have been possible without the discovery and exploitation of stored [[w:solar_power|sunlight power]] and the [[Fossil fuel|ancient dead remains of organisms in coal and oil deposits]], which, as numerous theorists have argued, already reached peak levels decades ago, or are soon reaching them, and will rapidly decline by 2050. The exploitation of coal deposits to power the [[Industrial Revolution|rapid growth of industrial capitalism]] was an unrepeatable one-and-done shot, and precipitated the current [[Climate change|climate crisis]]. ** [[Steven Best]], "[https://www.all-creatures.org/lifestyle/img/failed-species.pdf Failed Species: The Rise and Fall of the Human Empire]". ''Romanian Journal of Artistic Creativity''. 9 (2). (2021). * There is a flaw in civilization from the instant it has to admit fear. ** [[Elizabeth Bowen]], ''A Time in Rome'' (London: Longmans, 1960), p. 23 * You think that a wall as solid as the earth separates civilization from barbarism. I tell you the division is a thread, a sheet of [[glass]]. A touch here, a push there, and you bring back the reign of Saturn. ** [[John Buchan, 1st Baron Tweedsmuir]] Ch. 3 "Tells of a Midsummer Night", ''The Power-House'' (1916) * Yet somehow our society must make it right and possible for old people not to fear the young or be deserted by them, for the test of a civilization is in the way that it cares for its helpless members. ** [[Pearl S. Buck]], ''My Several Worlds'', p. 337 (1954) * There’s a certain step-by-step logic, inherent in [[human nature]] and the peculiarities of [[human]] [[psychology]], which ensures that Man will always organize into the largest possible group. Civilization is inevitable, if you want a pat phrase. ** [[Algis Budrys]], ''Some Will Not Die'' (1961), Chapter 5 * But the greatest menace to our civilization today is the conflict between giant organized systems of [[self-righteousness]]—each system only too delighted to find that the other is [[Wickedness|wicked]]—each only too glad that the sins give it the pretext for still deeper [[hatred]] and [[animosity]]. ** [[Herbert Butterfield]], ''Christianity, Diplomacy and War'' (1953), p. 43. ==C== * Many clever men like you have trusted to civilization. Many clever [[w:Babylonia|Babylonians]], many clever [[Egypt|Egyptians]], many clever men at the end of [[Roman Empire|Rome]]. Can you tell me, in a world that is flagrant with the failures of civilisation, what there is particularly immortal about yours? ** [[G. K. Chesterton]], ''The Napoleon of Notting Hill'' (1904) * People sometimes tell me that they prefer barbarism to civilisation. I doubt if they have given it a long enough trial. Like the people of [[w:Alexandria|Alexandria]], they are bored by civilisation; but all the evidence suggests that the boredom of barbarism is infinitely greater. ** [[Kenneth Clark]], Ch. 1: The Skin of Our Teeth, ''Civilisation'' (1969) * The convention by which the great events in [[The Bible|biblical]] or [[Secularism|secular]] [[history]] could be enacted only by magnificent physical specimens, handsome and well-groomed, went on for a long time — till the middle of the nineteenth century. Only a very few artists — perhaps only [[Rembrandt]] and [[w:Caravaggio|Caravaggio]] in the first rank — were independent enough to stand against it. And I think that this convention, which was an element in the so-called grand manner, became a deadening influence on the [[Europe|European]] mind. It deadened our sense of [[truth]], even our sense of moral [[responsibility]]. ** [[Kenneth Clark]], Ch. 5: The Hero as Artist, ''Civilisation'' (1969) * We are so much accustomed to the [[Humanitarianism|humanitarian]] outlook that we forget how little it counted in earlier ages of civilisation. Ask any decent person in [[England]] or [[America]] what he thinks matters most in human conduct: five to one his answer will be "kindness." It's not a word that would have crossed the lips of any of the earlier heroes of this series. If you had asked [[Francis of Assisi|St. Francis]] what mattered in life, he would, we know, have answered "[[chastity]], [[obedience]] and [[poverty]]"; if you had asked [[Dante Alighieri|Dante]] or [[Michelangelo]], they might have answered "disdain of baseness and injustice"; if you had asked [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe|Goethe]], he would have said "to live in the whole and the [[Beauty|beautiful]]." But [[kindness]], never. Our ancestors didn't use the word, and they did not greatly value the quality — except perhaps insofar as they valued compassion. ** [[Kenneth Clark]], Ch. 13: Heroic Materialism, ''Civilisation'' (1969) * It is lack of [[confidence]], more than anything else, that kills a civilisation. We can destroy ourselves by [[cynicism]] and [[Disillusionment|disillusion]], just as effectively as by [[bombs]]. ** [[Kenneth Clark]], Ch. 13: Heroic Materialism, ''Civilisation'' (1969) * Since the idea of order and subordination succumbed to barbarian brawn and brutality in the fifth century, the civilized world has been like a child brought up by his father. It has needed the great mother heart to teach it to be pitiful, to love mercy, to succor the weak and ca, re for the lowly. ** [[Anna Julia Haywood Cooper]], ''A Voice from the South by a Black Woman of the South'' (1892), p. 51 ==D== * We civilized men do our utmost to check the process of elimination; we build [[asylums]] for the imbecile, the maimed, and the sick .... There is reason to believe that [[Vaccines|vaccination]] has preserved thousands... Thus the weak members of civilized societies propagate their kind. No one who has attended to the breeding of domestic animals will doubt that this must be highly injurious to the race of man. It is surprising how soon a want of care, or care wrongly directed, leads to the degeneration of a domestic race; but excepting in the case of man itself, hardly any one is so ignorant as to allow his worst [[animals]] to breed. ** [[Charles Darwin]], p. 501, ''The Descent of Man, and Selection in Relation to Sex'', London: MacMillan (1871) * Whatever the virtues of a civilization may be, it immediately belies them if it buys them by means of injustice and tyranny. ** [[Simone de Beauvoir]], {{cite book |title={{w|The Ethics of Ambiguity}} |date=1948 |publisher=Philosophical Library |isbn=978-0-8065-0160-4}} [https://www.marxists.org/reference/subject/ethics/de-beauvoir/ambiguity/ch03.htm Part III: The Positive Aspect of Ambiguity] * The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons. ** [[Fyodor Dostoevsky]], ''The House of the Dead'' (1862) * '''A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself within. The essential causes of Rome’s decline lay in her people, her morals, her [[Class conflict|class struggle]], her failing [[trade]], her bureaucratic [[despotism]], her stifling [[Taxation|taxes]], her consuming [[War|wars]].''' ** [[Will Durant]], ''Caesar and Christ'', Epilogue, p. 665 (1944) *Culture suggests [[agriculture]], but civilization suggests the city. In one aspect civilization is the habit of civility; and civility is the refinement which townsmen, who made the word, thought possible only in the civitas or city. **[[Will Durant]], ''The Story of Civilization'', Chap. 1, p. 2 * Civilization is not inherited; it has to be learned and earned by each generation anew; if the transmission should be interrupted for one century, civilization would die, and we should be savages again. ** [[Will Durant]] and [[w:Ariel Durant|Ariel Durant]], ''[[w:The Lessons of History|The Lessons of History]]'' (1968) ==E== * All of our exalted technological progress, civilization for that matter, is comparable to an axe in the hand of a pathological [[Crime|criminal]]. ** [[Albert Einstein]], Letter to Heinrich Zangger (Dec 1917), Collected Papers Vol. 8, 412, as cited in Jürgen Neffe, Einstein: A Biography (2007), 256. ==G== [[File:A debtor in Fleet Street Prison THS.jpg|right|thumb|The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its [[prisons]]. ~ [[Fyodor Dostoevsky]], ''The House of the Dead'' (1862)]] * The careful student of history will discover that [[Christianity]] has been of very little value in advancing civilization, but has done a great deal toward retarding it. ... The church and civilization are antipodal; one means [[authority]], the other [[freedom]]; one means [[conservatism]], the other [[progress]]; one means the [[Natural rights|rights of God]] as interpreted by the [[Priest|priesthood]], the other the [[Human rights|rights of humanity]] as interpreted by humanity. Civilization advances by [[Freedom of thought|free thought]], [[free speech]], free men. **Matilda Joslyn Gage, ‘Church, Woman and State’, New York, 1893. reprinted by Voice of India, New Delhi, 1997 p. 539-540 * One of the effects of civilisation is to diminish the rigour of the application of the law of [[natural selection]]. It preserves weakly lives that would have perished in barbarous lands. ** [[Francis Galton]], Hereditary talent and character, ''MacMillan's Magazine'', 12, 157-166; 318-327 (1865) * '''There is a steady check in an old civilisation upon the fertility of the abler classes: the improvident and unambitious are those who chiefly keep up the breed. So the race gradually deteriorates, becoming in each successive generation less fit for a high civilisation.''' ** [[Francis Galton]], (p.414), ''Hereditary Genius'', London: MacMillan (1869) * Western civilization is material, frankly material. It measures progress by the progress of matter — railways, conquest of disease, conquest of the air. These are triumphs of civilization according to Western measure. No one says, ‘Now the people are more truthful or more humble.’ I judge it by my own test and I use the word ‘Satanic’ in describing it. You set such store by the temporal, external things. The essential of Eastern civilization is that it is spiritual, immaterial. The fruits of Western civilization the East may approach with avidity but with a sense of guilt. ** [[Mohandas Gandhi]], ''The Friend'' magazine, 11 December 1931. Quoted in ''Mahatma Gandhi : The Essential Writings'', edited by Judith M. Brown. Oxford ; New York : Oxford University Press, 2008. (p.74) * From the beginning, human civilization has been characterized by acute contradictions. All human advancements derive from the original sin of civilization, namely expropriation and [[exploitation]]. Without an exploited people toiling on expropriated land, there is no surplus to allow for material, intellectual, and technological progress. Thus far, civilization has proceeded on the basis of numerous social hierarchies legitimized by various myths. These legitimizing myths facilitate denial of various forms of expropriation and exploitation. In America, these have included "[[Whiteness studies|whiteness]]" vis-a-vis [[Native Americans in the United States|Indians]] and [[African American|black]] [[Slavery in the United States|slaves]], {{w|manifest destiny}}, {{w|scientific racism}}, {{w|social Darwinism}}, {{w|anti-Communism}}, {{w|counter-terrorism}}, [[American exceptionalism]], and [[Humanitarian intervention|"humanitarian" interventionism]]. ** Aaron Good, ''American Exception: Empire and the Deep State.'' Skyhorse Publishing. (2022) p. 275. {{ISBN|978-1510769137}} * Civilization is another word for respect for life. ** [[Elizabeth Goudge]] in ''At the Sign of the Dolphin: An Elizabeth Goudge Anthology'', compiled and arranged by Rose Dobbs, London: Hodder and Stoughton (1947), p. 507; from Goudge's novel ''Green Dolphin Country'' (1944), Book II, Part I, Chapter 3.3, where a character says,"Civilization […] is another word for respect for life", adding that it's "brittle as spun glass". * The noun civilization is only to be met with in the economists of the years which immediately preceded the French Revolution. [...] Littré, who had ransacked all French literature, could not trace it any further back. Thus the word civilization has no more than a century and a half of existence. It was only in 1835, less than a hundred years ago, that it finally found its way into the dictionary of the Academy. ... The ancients, from whom we still consciously trace our descent, were equally without a term for what we mean by civilization. If this word were given to be translated in Latin prose, the schoolboy would indeed find himself in difficulties. ** [[René Guénon]], quoting (in full agreement) a 1922 publication by Jacques Bainville, in ''[https://archive.org/details/eastwest0000guen/page/14/mode/2up?view=theater East and West]'' (Sophia Perennis, 2001; originally published in 1924 in French as ''Orient et Occident''), p. 14 * These two ideas, then, of ‘civilization’ and ‘progress’, which are very closely connected, both date only from the second half of the eighteenth century, that is to say from the epoch which saw, among other things, the birth of materialism; and they were propagated and popularized especially by the socialist dreamers of the beginning of the nineteenth century. ** [[René Guénon]], ''[https://archive.org/details/eastwest0000guen/page/14/mode/2up?view=theater East and West]'' (Sophia Perennis, 2001; originally published in 1924 in French as ''Orient et Occident''), p. 15 ==H== [[File:Lorenzo lippi, Elemosina di San Tommaso, 1660, dett. 05.JPG|thumb|Civilization denies to man that highest of all rights — the right to live a guiltless life, the right to do right. ~ [[George D. Herron]]]] * Can humans exist without some people ruling and others being ruled? The founders of political science did not think so. "I put for a general inclination of mankind, a perpetual and restless desire for power after power, that ceaseth only in death," declared [[Thomas Hobbes]]. Because of this innate lust for power, Hobbes thought that life before (or after) the state was a "war of every man against every man"&mdash;"solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short." Was Hobbes right? Do humans have an unquenchable desire for power that, in the absence of a strong ruler, inevitably leads to a war of all against all? To judge from surviving examples of bands and villages, for the greater part of [[prehistory]] our kind got along quite well without so much as a paramount chief, let alone the all-powerful [[Monarchy of the United Kingdom|English leviathan King]] and [[w:Imperial cult|Mortal God]], whom Hobbes believed was needed for maintaining law and order among his fractious countrymen. :* [[Marvin Harris]], ''Our Kind: Who We Are, Where We Came From, Where We Are Going'' (1989) * Civilization no longer represents the conscience of the individuals who must find therein their work. The facts and forces which now organize industry and so-called justice, violate the best instincts of mankind. ... Without regard to his conscience, the economic system involves a man in the guilt of the moral and physical death of his brothers: their blood cries to him from the adulterated and monopolized foods he eats; from the sweat-shop clothes he wears; from his educational advantages, his special privileges, his social opportunities. ... Civilization denies to man that highest of all rights — the right to live a guiltless life, the right to do right. ** [[George D. Herron]], ''Between Caesar and Jesus'' (1899), p. 20 * Civilization is a Ponzi scheme energy trap, we either grow energy and material use, or we stagnate, and then collapse. Following feedback loops, we see there is no way out of this predicament. ** Hideaway (real name unknown), "[https://un-denial.com/2024/04/09/radical-reality-by-hideaway-and-radical-acceptance-by-b/ Radical Reality and Radical Acceptance]." ''Un-Denial'' (April 9, 2024) * ''A civilization in denial is easily conquered. Your habit of ignoring parts of reality will allow us to invade without being noticed.'' ** Ernest Hogan, ''Skin Dragons Talk'' (1998), reprinted in ''Mothership: Tales from Afrofuturism and Beyond'' (2013), <small> {{ISBN|978-0-9891411-4-7}}, </small> p. 37 * Break the skin of civilization and you find the ape, roaring and red-handed. ** [[Robert E. Howard]] in a letter to Harold Preece (c. January or February 1928) * I believe, like you, that civilization is a natural and inevitable consequence, whether good or evil I am not prepared to state. ** [[Robert E. Howard]] in a letter to H. P. Lovecraft (c. August 1930) * Where does barbarism leave off and civilization begin?...We can hardly conceive ourselves to be the sole possessors of the only true civilization that the world has ever known. ** [[Robert E. Howard]] in a letter to H. P. Lovecraft (c. March 6, 1933). Reprinted in ''A Means to Freedom: The Letters of H. P. Lovecraft and Robert E. Howard, Volume 2''. Hippocampus Press, 2017. * Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing. ** [[Robert E. Howard]], "[[s:The Tower of the Elephant|The Tower of the Elephant]]" (1933) [[File:BryanVikings.jpg|right|thumb|Barbarism is the natural state of mankind. Civilization is unnatural. It is a whim of circumstance. And barbarism must always ultimately triumph. ~ [[Robert E. Howard]], "[[s:Beyond the Black River|Beyond the Black River]]" (1935)]] * Barbarism is the natural state of mankind. Civilization is unnatural. It is a whim of circumstance. And barbarism must always ultimately triumph. ** [[Robert E. Howard]], "[[s:Beyond the Black River|Beyond the Black River]]" (1935) * The path of civilization is paved with tin cans. ** [[w:Elbert (Green) Hubbard|Elbert (Green) Hubbard]], ''Aphorism in The Philistine'' (Apr 1905), 20, No. 5, 160. ==J== * If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be. The functionaries of every government have propensities to command at will the liberty and property of their constituents. There is no safe deposit for these but with the people themselves; nor can they be safe with them without [[information]]. Where the press is free, and every man able to [[read]], all is safe. **[[Thomas Jefferson]], [http://oll.libertyfund.org/?option=com_staticxt&staticfile=show.php%3Ftitle=807&chapter=88152&layout=html&Itemid=27 Letter to Colonel Charles Yancey] (6 January 1816) ME 14:384.; as cited in [[Hans Kohn]]. (1961) ''The Idea Of Nationalism: A Study In Its Origins And Background.'' p. 313 * Civilization is based on a clearly defined and widely accepted yet often unarticulated [[hierarchy]]. [[Violence]] done by those higher on the hierarchy to those lower is nearly always invisible, that is, unnoticed. When it is noticed, it is fully rationalized. Violence done by those lower on the hierarchy to those higher is unthinkable, and when it does occur is regarded with shock, horror, and the fetishization of the victims. ** [[Derrick Jensen]], ''Endgame''. p. ix ==K== * Russian Ambassador: Civilization is an illusion; a game of pretend. What is real is the fact that we are still animals driven by primal instincts. Civilization crumbles whenever we need it most. In the right situation, we are all capable of the most terrible crimes. Imagine a world where this was no so; imagine a world where every crisis did not result in new atrocities, where every [[Newspapers|newspaper]] is not full of war and violence. This is to imagine a world where human beings cease to be human. ** Dave Kajganich (screenplay), ''[[The Invasion (film)|The Invasion]]'' (2007) * Type I: "Technological level close to the level presently attained on earth, with energy consumption at ≈4×1019 erg/sec (4 × 1012 Watt)." Guillermo A. Lemarchand stated this as "A level near contemporary terrestrial civilization with an energy capability equivalent to the solar insolation on Earth, between 1016 and 1017 watts." : Type II: "A civilization capable of harnessing the energy radiated by its own star"--for example, the stage of successful construction of a Dyson sphere--"with energy consumption at ≈4×1033 erg/sec. Lemarchand stated this as "A civilization capable of utilizing and channeling the entire radiation output of its star. The energy utilization would then be comparable to the luminosity of our Sun, about 4×1033 erg/sec (4×1026 Watt)." : Type III: "A civilization in possession of energy on the scale of its own galaxy, with energy consumption at ≈4×1044 erg/sec." Lemarchand stated this as "A civilization with access to the power comparable to the luminosity of the entire Milky Way galaxy, about 4×1044 erg/sec (4×1037 Watt). :* [[w:Nikolai Kardashev|Nikolai Kardashev]] [[w:Kardashev scale|Kardashev scale]] citing Lemarchand, Guillermo A. "Detectability of Extraterrestrial Technological Activities". Coseti. * ''In more primitive and creative ages, Zorba would have been the chief of a tribe. He would have gone before, opening up the path with a hatchet. Or else he would have been a renowned troubadour visiting castles, and everybody would have hung on his words — lords and ladies and servants''' … In our ungrateful age, Zorba wanders hungrily round the enclosures like a wolf, or else sinks into becoming some pen-pusher's buffoon. ** [[Nikos Kazantzakis]], in ''[[Zorba the Greek]]'' (1946), Ch. 6, p. 74 * Every civilization that has ever existed has ultimately collapsed ... History is a tale of efforts that failed, of aspirations that weren’t realized . . . So, '''as a historian, one has to live with a sense of the inevitability of tragedy.''' ** [[Henry Kissinger]], Cited in ''[[w:The Watchtower|The Watchtower]]'' 2004, 4/1, ''[http://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/2004241?q=durant&p=par Identifying the Wild Beast and Its Mark]''. ==L== *Even if the [[Presidency of Joe Biden|Democratic administration]] were resoundingly successful on all fronts, its initiatives would still be utterly insufficient to resolve the [[w:existential threat|existential threat]] of [[Climate change|climate breakdown]] and the devastation of our planet’s life-support systems. That’s because the multiple problems confronting us right now are symptoms of an even more profound problem: The underlying structure of a global [[Economic system|economic]] and [[Political philosophy|political]] system that is driving [[civilization]] toward a precipice... As long as government policies emphasize growth in gross domestic product and transnational corporations relentlessly pursue [[Profit|shareholder returns]], we will continue accelerating toward [[Catastrophe|global catastrophe]]...<BR> We need to forge a [[New Age|new era]] for humanity — one that is defined, at its deepest level, by a transformation in the [[World view|way we make sense of the world]], and a concomitant [[revolution]] in our [[values]], [[goals]], and [[Behavior|collective behavior]]. In short, we need to change the basis of our global civilization. We must move from a civilization based on [[Greed|wealth accumulation]] to one that is [[Loving|life-affirming]]: an [[ecological]] civilization... **[[Jeremy Lent]], [https://www.yesmagazine.org/issue/ecological-civilization/2021/02/16/what-does-ecological-civilization-look-like What Does An Ecological Civilization Look Like? ''Yes!'' Magazine] (16 February 2021) * Real freedom lies in wildness, not in civilization. ** [[Charles Lindbergh]], as quoted A. Scott Berg, p. 510, ''Lindbergh'' (1998) ==M== [[File:Egypt.Giza.Sphinx.02.jpg|right|thumb|Many clever men like you have trusted to civilization. Many clever Babylonians, many clever Egyptians, many clever men at the end of Rome. Can you tell me, in a world that is flagrant with the failures of civilisation, what there is particularly immortal about yours? ~ [[G. K. Chesterton]], ''The Napoleon of Notting Hill'' (1904)]] * As social organization progresses and the governing class begins to reap the benefits of an improved bureaucratic machine, its superiority in culture and wealth, and especially its better organization and firmer cohesion, may compensate to some extent for the lack of individual energy; and so it may come about that considerable portions of the governing class, especially the circles that give the society its intellectual tone and direction, lose the habit of dealing with people of the lower classes and command them directly. This state of affairs generally enables frivolousness, and a sort of culture that is wholly abstract and conventional, to supplant a vivid sense of realities and a sound and accurate knowledge of human nature. Thinking loses virility. '''Sentimental and exaggeratedly humanitarian theories come to the fore, theories that proclaim the innate goodness of men, especially when they are not spoiled by civilization, or theories that uphold the absolute preferableness, in the arts of government, of gentle and persuasive means to severe authoritarian measures. People imagine, as [[Taine]] puts it, that since social life has flowed blandly and smoothly on for centuries, like an impetuous river confined withing sturdy dikes, the dikes have become superfluous and can readily be dispensed with, now that the river has learned its lesson.''' ...<br> It would seem therefore that there is a frequent, if not a universal, tendency in very mature civilizations, where ruling classes have acquired highly refined literary cultures, to wax enthusiastic, by a sort of antithesis, over the simple ways of savages, barbarians and peasants (the case of Arcadia!), and to clothe them with all sorts of virtues and sentiments that are as stereotyped as they are imaginary. '''Invariably underlying all such tendencies is the concept that was so aptly phrased by [[Rousseau]], that man is good by nature but spoiled by society and civilization.''' This notion has had a very great influence on political thinking during the past hundred and fifty years. ** [[Gaetano Mosca]],''The Ruling Class'', p.117-9 (1939/1965) * Let me make one more remark suggested by this trial and by others. There is no accepted test of civilization. It is not [[wealth]], or the degree of [[comfort]], or the average duration of [[life]], or the increase of [[knowledge]]. All such tests would be disputed. In default of any other measure, may it not be suggested that as good a measure as any is the degree to which [[justice]] is carried out, the degree to which men are sensitive as to wrong-doing and desirous to right it? ** Sir John MacDonell, ''Historical Trials'', chapter 7, p. 148 (1927) * We are proudly conscious of the historic duty which we shall continue to fulfil; the defence of that Western civilisation which has been our heritage for centuries, but we know also that we have paid to the very last penny any debt we may have owed the West. ** [[Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim|Carl Gustaf Mannerheim]], Farewell order to the Finnish Army, 14th of March 1940 * The only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others. ** [[John Stuart Mill]], Ch. I: Introductory, p. 14-15, ''[[w:On Liberty|On Liberty]]'' (1859) * If civilisation has got the better of barbarism when barbarism had the world to itself, it is too much to profess to be afraid lest barbarism, after having been fairly got under, should revive and conquer civilisation. A civilisation that can thus succumb to its vanquished enemy, must first have become so degenerate, that neither its appointed priests and teachers, nor anybody else, has the capacity, or will take the trouble, to stand up for it. If this be so, the sooner such a civilisation receives notice to quit the better. It can only go on from bad to worse, until destroyed and regenerated (like the Western Empire) by energetic barbarians. ** [[John Stuart Mill]], p. 114, ''[[w:On Liberty|On Liberty]]'' (1859) * Civilization itself, the at any rate habitable dwelling which was to be shored up by the [[World War I|war]], wears a strange new air of precariousness. ** [[Charles Edward Montague|C. E. Montague]], ‘’Disenchantment’’ (1922). Quoted in Hanson, Neil, ‘’The Unknown Soldier: The Story of the Missing of the Great War’’. London, Random House, 2011. * I have [no] more faith than a grain of mustard seed in the future history of 'civilization,' which I know now is doomed to destruction, and probably before very long: what a joy it is to think of! and how often it consoles me to think of barbarism once more flooding the world, and real feelings and passions, however rudimentary, taking the place of our wretched hypocrisies. With this thought in my mind all the history of the past is lighted up and lives again to me. ** [[William Morris]], Letter to Georgina Burne-Jones, 13th May, 1885. Quoted in [[E. P. Thompson|Thompson, E.P]], ''William Morris: Romantic to Revolutionary'', PM Press, 2013. * The South Sea Islander must leave his canoe-carving, his sweet rest, and his graceful dances, and become the slave of a slave: trousers, shoddy, rum, missionary, and fatal disease — he must swallow all this civilization in a lump, and neither himself nor we can help him now till social order displaces the hideous tyranny of gambling that has ruined him. ** [[William Morris]], "How We Live and How We Might Live", ''Commonweal'', 1887. Quoted in Naylor, Gillian, ''William Morris by himself: Designs and Writings''. Boston, Little Brown, 1988. * In fact, rigid conservatism of form is an essential part of [[Ancient Greece|Greek]] architecture as we know it. From this conservatism of form there resulted a jostling between the building and its higher ornament. In early days, indeed, when some healthy barbarism yet clung to the sculpture, the discrepancy is not felt; but as increasing civilization demands from the sculptors more naturalism and less restraint, it becomes more and more obvious, and more and more painful; till at last it becomes clear that sculpture has ceased to be a part of architecture and has become an extraneous art bound to the building by habit or superstition. ** [[William Morris]], "Gothic Architecture", Kelmscott Press, London, 1893. Quoted in May Morris, ''William Morris, artist, writer, socialist'', New York, Russell and Russell, 1966. * Apart from the desire to produce beautiful things, the leading passion of my life has been and is hatred of modern civilization. ** [[William Morris]], "How I became a Socialist", ''Justice'', June 16th, 1894. Quoted in MacCarthy, Fiona, ''William Morris: A Life for Our Time''. London, Faber & Faber, 2015. ==N== * Christianity destroyed for us the whole harvest of ancient civilization, and later it also destroyed for us the whole harvest of [[Muslim world|Mohammedan civilization]]. The wonderful culture of the [[Moors]] in [[Spain]], which was fundamentally nearer to us and appealed more to our senses and tastes than that of [[Roman Empire|Rome]] and [[Greece]], was trampled down (—I do not say by what sort of feet—) Why? Because it had to thank noble and manly instincts for its origin—because it said yes to life, even to the rare and refined luxuriousness of Moorish life! … The crusaders later made war on something before which it would have been more fitting for them to have grovelled in the dust -- a civilization beside which even that of our nineteenth century seems very poor and very "senile". ** [[Friedrich Nietzsche]], ''The Antichrist'' (1888), Nuvision Publications, p. 55, 2007 ==R== * Being civilized signifies not taking your own life and those of others into consideration. It means letting your life be used, exploited and dominated by the always-superior interests of the collectivity where fate decreed that you would be born and live your life. And all for the financial, etc., gain of the authorities of the collectivity in question. In exchange for this submission one is granted the possibility of being accepted as a human being. ** Des Réfractaires, "How Nice to Be Civilized!" (1993), in ''[[Against Civilization]]'' (1999), p. 184 * Civilizations and social orders have not been geared to the fulfillment of human potential (even now, for all of our liberal thought), but to the suppression of abilities that did not fit in with the basic assumptions about the nature of the self. We inhibited any such evidence from conscious awareness, developing a kind of one-line official consciousness. Opposing data did not disappear, but formed powerful undercurrents that composed the unofficial knowledge of the race. ** [[Jane Roberts]], in ''Psychic Politics: An Aspect Psychology Book'', p. 275 * The moment that the topic of the pre-European [[Africa|African]] past is raised, many individuals are concerned for various reasons to know about the existence of [[wikipedia:Classical African civilization|African “civilizations.”]] Mainly, this stems from a desire to make comparisons with European “civilizations.” This is not the context in which to evaluate the so-called civilizations of [[Europe]]. It is enough to note the behavior of [[Europe|European]] [[Capitalist class|capitalists]] from the epoch of [[slavery]] through [[colonialism]], [[fascism]], and [[Genocide|genocidal]] wars in [[Asia]] and Africa. Such barbarism causes suspicion to attach to the use of the word “civilization” to describe [[w:Western_Europe|Western Europe]] and [[North America]]. ** [[Walter Rodney]], ''How Europe Underdeveloped Africa'' (1972), p. 34 * We’ve arranged a global civilization in which most critical elements profoundly depend on [[science]] and [[technology]]. We have also arranged things so that almost no one understands science and technology. This is a prescription for disaster. We might get away with it for a while, but sooner or later this combustible mixture of ignorance and power is going to blow up in our faces. ** [[w:Sir Ernest Rutherford|Sir Ernest Rutherford]], from The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark (1996), 26. ==S== * I think the health of our civilization, the depth of our awareness about the underpinnings of our culture and our concern for the future can all be tested by how well we support our [[libraries]]. ** [[Carl Sagan]], ''Cosmos'' (1980), p. 282, [[File:NASA-Apollo8-Dec24-Earthrise.jpg|right|thumb|In the vastness of the Cosmos there must be other civilizations far older and more advanced than ours. ~ [[Carl Sagan]], ''Cosmos: A Personal Voyage'' (1990 Update)]] * In the vastness of the [[Cosmos]] there must be other civilizations far older and more advanced than ours. ** Carl Sagan, ''Cosmos: A Personal Voyage'' (1990 Update), Episode 12: Encyclopedia Galactica, 0 min 45 sec * Since, in the long run, every planetary society will be endangered by impacts from [[space]], every surviving civilization is obliged to become [[Space exploration|spacefaring]] — not because of exploratory or romantic zeal, but for the most practical reason imaginable: staying alive. ** Carl Sagan, ''[[w:Pale Blue Dot (book)|Pale Blue Dot]]'' (1994), p. 371, * We have designed our civilization based on [[science]] and [[technology]] and at the same time arranged things so that almost no one understands anything at all about science and technology. This is a clear prescription for disaster. ** Carl Sagan, interview with Anne Kalosh (1995) * What does it mean for a civilisation to be a million years old? We have had radio telescopes and spaceships for a few decades; our technical civilisation is a few hundred years old … an advanced civilisation millions of years old is as much beyond us as we are beyond a bushbaby or a macaque ** Carl Sagan, ''Star Makers'', Cosmos (Feb 2006). * Darwin recognized that thus far the civilization of mankind has passed through four successive stages of evolution, namely, those based on the use of fire, the development of agriculture, the development of urban life and the use of basic science for technological advancement. ** [[w:Frederick Seitz|Frederick Seitz]], in The Science Matrix: The Journey, Travails, Triumphs (1992, 2012), 86. * Essentially all civilizations that rose to the level of possessing an urban culture had need for two forms of science-related technology, namely, [[mathematics]] for land measurements and [[commerce]] and [[astronomy]] for time-keeping in agriculture and aspects of religious rituals. ** Frederick Seitz, from The Science Matrix: The Journey, Travails, Triumphs (1992, 1998), Preface, x. * Instead of civilization being artificial it is a part of nature; all of a piece with the development of an embryo or the unfolding of a flower. The modifications mankind have undergone, and are still undergoing, result from a law underlying the whole organic creation; and provided the human race continues, and the constitution of things remains the same, those modifications must end in completeness. ** [[Herbert Spencer]], ''Social Statistics'' (1851) * The realization of justice is, in the actual state of things, a matter of life or death for society and for civilisation itself. ** [[African Spir]], ''Words of a Sage'' (1937), p. 55, ==T== * ''Idque apud imperitos humanitas vocabatur, cum pars servitutis esset.'' ** Because they didn't know better, they called it "[[civilization]]," when it was part of their [[slavery]]. *** [[Tacitus]], ''Agricola'' (98), [http://www.slate.com/id/2180061/nav/tap3/ Book 1, paragraph 21] ** Variant translation: Step by step they were led to things which dispose to vice, the lounge, the bath, the elegant banquet. '''All this in their [[ignorance]] they called civilisation, when it was but a part of their servitude.''' *** [http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/ancient/tacitus-agricola.asp As translated by Alfred John Church and William Jackson Brodribb] * I know how reluctant it makes us feel to give any credit for [[humanity]] to the western civilisation when we observe the brutalities into which this nationalism of theirs breaks out, instances of which are so numerous all the world over, — in the late [[World War I|war]], in the lynching of negroes, in cowardly outrages allowed to be committed by European soldiers upon helpless Indians, in the rapacity and vandalism practised in [[Beijing|Pekin]] during the [[w:Boxer_Rebellion|Boxer war]] by the very people who are never tired of vulgarly applying the epithet of Hun to [[Germany|one section of their own confederates]]. But while I have never sought to gloss over or keep out of mind any of these ugly phenomena, I still aver that in the life of the West they have a large tract where their mind is free ; whence the circulation of their thought currents can surround the world. ** [[Rabindranath Tagore]], "The Way To Unity" (1923) in ''Visva-Bharati Quarterly'', Vol. I. No. 2, July 1923. Reprinted in Sisir Kumar Das, Sahitya Akademi,''The English Writings of Rabindranath Tagore: A miscellany'', 1994,(p. 464). ==V== * If Western Civilization were a person, we would be directing it to the nearest meeting of War-Preparers Anonymous. We would be telling it to stand up before the meeting and say "My name is Western Civilization. I am a compulsive War-Preparer. I have lost everything I ever cared about. I should have come here long ago. I first hit bottom in [[World War I]]". ** [[Kurt Vonnegut]], "The Worst Addiction of Them All", ''The Nation'' Magazine, December 31 1983-January 7 1984. Quoted in Katrina vanden Heuvel, ''The Nation 1865-1990: Selections from the Independent Magazine of Politics and Culture''. New York: Thunder's Mouth Press, 1990. ==W== * I have lived with communities of savages in South America and in the East, who have no laws or law courts but the [[public opinion]] of the village freely expressed. Each man scrupulously respects the rights of his fellow, and any infraction of those rights rarely or never takes place. In such a community, all are nearly equal. There are none of those wide distinctions, of education and ignorance, wealth and poverty, master and servant, which are the product of our civilization; there is none of that wide-spread division of labour, which, while it increases wealth, produces also conflicting interests; there is not that severe competition and struggle for existence, or for wealth, which the dense population of civilized countries inevitably creates. All incitements to great crimes are thus wanting, and petty ones are repressed, partly by the influence of public opinion, but chiefly by that natural sense of justice and of his neighbour’s right, which seems to be, in some degree, inherent in every race of man. ** [[Alfred Russel Wallace]], ''The Malay Archipelago'', Macmillian, London. Quoted in Andrew Berry, ''Infinite Tropics: An Alfred Russel Wallace Anthology'', Verso, London, 2002. * In one of my last conversations with Darwin he expressed himself very gloomily on the future of humanity, on the ground that '''in our modern civilisation natural selection had no play''' and the fittest did not survive... It is notorious that our population is more largely renewed in each generation from the lower than from the middle and upper classes. ** [[Alfred Russel Wallace]], Human selection, ''Popular Science Monthly'' 38: 90-102 (1890) * It is not until a community or an individual has advanced a fair distance along the path of civilisation and shows by its laws its elimination of many of its most mischievous dispositions—notably [[Sadism and masochism|sadism]]—that it can bear to admit the [[equality]] of women. ** [[Rebecca West]], "Woman as Artist and Thinker" (1931), reprinted in Rebecca West, ''Woman as Artist and Thinker'', edited by Helen Atkinson, Lincoln, Neb. : iUniverse, 2005. * '''Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations which we can perform without thinking of them.''' ** [[Alfred North Whitehead]], ''An Introduction to Mathematics'' (1911), ch. 5 * Indeed, we may regard it as an axiom, that the knowledge which is anywhere possessed of the art of healing, is the measure of the refinement and civilization to which the people have attained. Man is civilized by virtue of social relations; and refinement is the becoming divested from grossness, vulgarity, and the evil manners which are characteristic and incident to a living for one's self alone. Selfishness is savagery; and a state of society in which self-interest is the ruling element is hardly yet reclaimed from the state of barbarism. It is of little avail to appeal to skill in mechanics, engineering, and other attainments in the plane of material evolution. These are not adequate proof of spiritual advancement. Kindly sentiment toward others, sincere regard for their welfare, charity in will and act, make the only real culture and civilization. The art and technique of healing proceed from these qualities, and cannot flourish apart from them. ** Alexander Wilder, ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=tMc0AQAAMAAJ History of Medicine: A Brief Outline of Medical History and Sects of Physicians, from the Earliest Historic Period; with an Extended Account of the New Schools of the Healing Art in the Nineteenth Century, and Especially a History of American Eclectic Practice of Medicine, Never Before Published]'' (1901) * There is good reason... for the supposition that such cycles of alternate savagery and civilization will continue till the earth shall become unfit, if such a crisis can ever arise, for the sustaining of human inhabitants. The germs of such changes are found in every country and social condition. ** Alexander Wilder, ''History of Medicine: A Brief Outline...'' (1901) * You've got the temperament of a scholar, and you live on your own and write [[books]]. You don't have anything to do with civilization. You've been in [[London]] a few days and you can't wait to get back home. But how about the people who can't write books -- people there's no outlet for in this civilization? What about your new men who don't know what to do? ** [[Colin Wilson]] in ''The Glass Cage'', p. 200 (1966) * Anyone can be a barbarian; it requires a terrible effort to remain a civilized man. ** [[w:Leonard Woolf|Leonard Woolf]], ''Barbarians at the Gate'' (London: Victor Gollancz, 1939), p. 83 ==Y== *Civilization begins to appear when a workable system for living, that is a proper relationship between man and nature, is established in accord with the features of a given region. **Prof. Yoshinory Yasuda, quoted in Kazanas, N. (2009). Indo-Aryan origins and other Vedic issues. Aditya Prakashan. ch. 2 * In its broad sense, civilization means not only comfort in daily necessities but also the refining of knowledge and the cultivation of virtue so as to elevate human life to a higher plane... It refers to the attainment of both material well-being and the elevation of the human spirit, [but] since what produces man’s well-being and refinement is knowledge and [[virtue]], civilization ultimately means the progress of man’s knowledge and virtue. ** [[Fukuzawa Yukichi]], ''Bunmeiron no Gairyaku'' (''An Outline of a Theory of Civilization'') (1875) * Moreover, the argument for national polity, for Christianity, and for Confucianism... are also insufficient to bolster people’s hearts. What, then, will? I say there is one thing: namely, to establish our goal and advance toward civilization... The way in which to preserve this independence cannot be sought anywhere except in civilization. ** [[Fukuzawa Yukichi]], ''Bunmeiron no Gairyaku'' (''An Outline of a Theory of Civilization'') (1875) == See also == * ''[[Against Civilization]]'' * [[Sigmund Freud#Civilization and Its Discontents (1929)|''Civilization and Its Discontents'' (1929)]] * [[Culture]] * [[Society]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wiktionary}} [[Category:Civilizations| ]] k3cu1i2mixcm9mm6jbugiymqxcymprj 0 118085 3949325 3944076 2026-06-05T21:44:15Z ~2026-33523-53 3337002 /* Resonance Link – Play the Melody of the Souls? (共鳴連鎖 〜奏でろ、魂たちの旋律?〜) [1.33] */ 3949325 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Soul Eater|Soul Eater]]''''' (ソウルイーター Sōru Ītā?) is a Japanese manga written and illustrated by Atsushi Okubo. Set at the "Death Weapon Meister Academy," the series revolves around three teams consisting of a weapon meister and (at least one) human weapon. Trying to make the latter a "death scythe" and thus fit for use by the academy's headmaster, Lord Death, they must collect 99 Kishin souls and one witch soul, in that order or they will have to restart all over again. If they fail to get the important witch soul all their 99 Kishin souls will be confiscated. [[File:Soul Eater cosplay 002.jpg|thumb|{{center|A sound soul, dwells within a sound of mind, and a sound body.}}]] [[File:Soul Eater group cosplay.jpg|thumb|{{center|It'll be okay. When it does come, we'll be there. Besides, there's a lot more of people more than evil thoughts and bad deeds. There's bravery. Everybody has that. right in there.}}]] == Maka Albarn == :''[Maka Albarn (マカ=アルバーン, Maka Arubān) is Soul Eater Evans' Meister. As such, she stands out as the female protagonist & one of the main Meisters in the story. Maka is impulsive in her decisions & needs Soul to keep her in line at times.'' :'''[[w:Maka Albarn|Maka Albarn]]''': "A sound soul dwells within a sound mind & a sound body." :'''Maka Albarn''': "Soul Eater, that's him." :'''Maka Albarn''': "Maka Chop!" :'''Maka Albarn''': "Your soul is mine to take!" :'''Maka Albarn''': "Watch it, or I'll take your soul!" :'''Maka Albarn''': "Humph. There's no way I'll ever consider you my father. :'''Maka Albarn''': "That's your answer for everything! We have to work together here! & don't you want to become a death scythe? You have to take this seriously, Soul! This is a witch we're going up against! Let's just follow my-" :'''Maka Albarn''': "You men. All of you, you're horrible. Cheating on every woman. But you, you I actually decided to trust. I put my faith in you. I can't believe this. I wish that all of you would just die!" :'''Maka Albarn''': "He just ate your soul, you goddamn cat! What are you still doing up there?!" :'''Maka Albarn''': "People need fear to survive. We experience it so we can grow stronger." :'''Maka Albarn''': "The legendary super-skill of the Scythe Meister: Witch Hunter!" :'''Maka Albarn''': "Stop looking at my soul, you creep!" :'''Maka Albarn''': "They need professional help." :'''Maka Albarn''': "I was wondering. Do souls taste good? You seem to like 'em." :'''Maka Albarn''': I screwed up. :'''Maka Albarn''': "The 118th rule in the Death Weapon Meister Academy handbook states, 'In the event of an emergency students are allowed to enter the Death Room without first obtaining permission'." :'''Maka Albarn''': "We have to find a way to face this scar." :'''Maka Albarn''': "It's not that you don't know how to deal with people, it's just no 1 ever took the time to deal with you." :'''Maka Albarn''': "I refuse to let my fear control me anymore." :'''Maka Albarn''': "I'm going to become stronger!" :'''Maka Albarn''': "It doesn't hurt! It's not hot! I'm not scared! I will not be beaten!" :'''Maka Albarn''': "Figure Six Hunter!" :'''Maka Albarn''': "Papa was only 18 years old when I was born. He used to read a lot of books to me back then." :'''Maka Albarn''': "What could that asshole possibly be thinking sending sexy underwear to his own daughter?!" :'''Maka Albarn''': "What kind of fun does he mean? Just what kind of girl does he think I am!?" :'''Maka Albarn''': "We might be scared but that's what makes us stronger!" :'''Maka Albarn''': "If you do continue to fight me, then I'll take your soul. You got it?" :'''Maka Albarn''': "Stop it. Don't move. Not another word. Don't you dare say one more negative thing about yourself. You think of yourself as cowardly and weak, yet whenever something happens, you put everyone else first. And then, you end up getting hurt. Please stop this. You're hurting my friend and I can't take it." :'''Maka''': "Now you will let me have to tear out my TONGUE!" == Soul Eater Evans == :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "Not Cool Maka!" :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "Back away! I won't let you touch my Meister!!" :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "The fear of interacting with people…even I understand that one." :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "As a cool guy, I'm used to seeing naked women." :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "Black Star, it's over between us." :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "You're stubborn & reckless, all you like to do for fun is read, so you're boring, & you have fat ankles." :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "Anybody want to take the sexy kitty home? She's free." :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "If you forget your fear you become reckless." :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "As far as I know, music isn't picky about when it gets played." :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "What is this place? Where am I? Wherever it is, it's completely dark. I can't even see my own body. It hurts…Which way is up? Which way is down? Where am I supposed to go? Someone help me." :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "I am your weapon partner Maka! That means I'm always prepared to die for my Meister!" :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "I'm hungry! can we just get his zombie soul already?" :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "Come out! Naptime Is over, zombie!" :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "I hope it's a cool morning. That's how cool days always start out. & a cool guy like me deserves the coolest morning possible." :'''Soul Eater Evans ''' (to the Demon): "Understanding fear & fighting against it, maintain complete discipline always. Those are great powers in their own right. Besides, this isn't just about me anymore! If we resonate any higher, Maka will be affected too! :'''Soul Eater Evans ''' (to the Demon): "SHUT UP!! WHY ARE YOU EVEN TALKING IF YOU'RE SAYING THE SAME DAMN THING ALL OVER & OVER AGAIN?! I'M SO SICK OF LISTENING TO YOU, I CAN PUKE. YOU'RE FULL OF CRAP & I DON'T LISTEN TO CRAP, YOU GOT IT?! HUH?!! JUST SHUT YOUR STUPID LITTLE DEMON MOUTH & TAKE THE LEAD, I'LL DECIDE IF I WANNA FOLLOW YOU OR NOT!! HOW ABOUT THAT?!! :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "In the end, the shape & form don't matter at all, it's only the soul that matters right? Nothing else." :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "After all cool men don't cheat on their partners, do they?" :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "Damn that witch. How am I supposed to be cool when she is all hot & naked like that huh?" :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "It's okay, cool guys see naked women all the time, I'm totally used to it." :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "What are you smoking? Don't you see how cool I am? You think I'm going to settle for a flat-chested girl like her?" :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "Huh?! You kidding me?! How's it all my fault?! What're you stupid?! You went crazy, didn't you! Die!" :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "Good idea. Maybe we can throw in some stuff as well!" :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "This isn't cool!" :'''Soul Eater Evans ''': "This situation isn't cool at all." == Kim Diehl == :''Kim Diehl (キム・ディール Kimu Dīru?) is an EAT class meister who has a tendency to charge money from others while performing tasks for them. She is the object of fellow student Ox Ford's affections, though she is often annoyed by his romantic advances.'' :'''[[w:Kim|Kim]]''': "YOU DIRTY PERVERTS!" :'''Kim''': "I should start charging for this." :'''Kim''': "I'd be more impressed if you were rich and handsome." :'''Kim''': "Okay. Make sure I'm covered. You ready Jackie?" :'''Kim''': "Good job you guys, Thanks!" :'''Kim''': "It's our turn now, Jackie!" :'''Kim''': "CHAAAAANGE PIXIE!" == Little Demon == :'''He is called "Little Demon" by Soul Eater, he is a strange demon of tiny size that appeared before Soul inside his heart after his first encounter with Ragnarok. The Little Demon normally resides in a specific room within Soul's mind, called The Black Room." :'''[[w:Little Demon|Little Demon]]''': "Swing, swing, swing." :'''Little Demon''': "Wouldn't it be nice to have a strong mind, one that can get rid of the fear you feel?" :'''Little Demon''': "Seek out the power you need. Find a rule to break, it will make you stronger. Stronger perhaps then you thought possible." :'''Little Demon''': "Come with me. Overwhelming madness & power await." :'''Little Demon''': "Come on, Soul. There's no point in struggling anymore & you know it. It's time to wake up & accept the inevitable. Let me make you stronger." :'''Little Demon''': "You're going to die if you don't do something, just leave it to me. Do away with reason, let me make you stronger." :'''Little Demon''': "You can't beat the Demon Sword's madness that way. You're sadly mistaken if you think reason & discipline will give you the power you need now. Those aren't enough, I never have seen anyone have it that easy." :'''Little Demon''' (to Soul): "Just a minute, you damn brat!! You're turning into a little pathetic log all of a sudden!! What happened to all the spirit you used to have?! Where's your pride?! Forget reason!! Just let loose & go crazy for once! What kind of log are you to live without a little insanity thrown in?!!" :'''Little Demon''': "No the shows only just be beginning there's no more time to think about it, the stage is all set for the big concert, its time to play." == Black☆Star == :''[Black☆Star (ブラック☆スター, Burakku☆Sutā) is 1 of the main meisters that the series follows. He is supposedly around 13 years old at the start of the series. Black Star is the only survivor of the infamous Star Clan, which explains the star on his shoulder. He is partnered with Tsubaki Nakatsukasa.]'' :'''[[w:Black☆Star|Black☆Star]]''': "YAAAAAAHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" :'''Black☆Star''': "Assassin's rule number 1-silence: dissolve in the darkness & erase your breath. Wait for an opening to attack your target." :'''Black☆Star''': "Assassin's rule number 2-transpositional thinking: Analyze the target in order to predict his thoughts & movements." :'''Black☆Star''': "Assassin's rule number 3-speed: take out the target before the target notices your presence." :'''Black☆Star''': "I am the great assassin Black Star! & I've come here to assassinate you all!" :'''Black☆Star''': "Sometimes I'm such a big star I can't handle it." :'''Black☆Star''': "It was awesome! I was the biggest star in the whole room yesterday!" :'''Black☆Star''': "Dying now. My breath will be erased, okay?" :'''Black☆Star''': "My name is Black☆Star. I'll surpass the power of the gods." :'''Black☆Star''': "Compared to a man as big as me, you realize how small you are don't you? I understand how you feel. Even I can be frightened by my own greatness. So I find it difficult to stand in front of mirrors." :'''Black☆Star''': "You can look high or low but you wont find a bigger guy than me!" :'''Black☆Star''': "Finishing Strike! Black Star Big Wave!" :'''Black☆Star''': "It could be real difficult to hide when you're as big a star as I am." :'''Black☆Star''': "You wont be laughing once you taste our power of friendship!" :'''Black☆Star''': "Soul! Soul! Are you okay?! It's going to be alright! Black Star is here for you now! Open your eyes! 1 look at my big handsome face & you'll be cured for sure! :'''Black☆Star''': "Stars. Don't. Clean. :'''Black☆Star''': "YAHOO! Black Star on stage front & center YEAH! A big star is here to perform in your tiny village come on out everybody!" :'''Black☆Star''': "Speed Star!" :'''Black☆Star''': "I'm just a dude who's way ahead of his time you know? Does that mean I was born too early because time can't keep up with me?" :'''Black☆Star''': "YAAAAAHOOOO! Fellow students remember this well! I am Black Star the worlds greatest assassin! The big man! I will transcend death! Try not to feel too bad about living in my shadow! It isn't your fault that I'm the biggest star ever! Sooner or later you will all cower before me! Let me hear you now! Scream the name of Black Star!" :'''Black☆Star''': "Hey Tsubaki, come out of there already. You haven't lost to him have you? You can put on a better show than that, come back out on stage. Encore, encore. Tsubaki encore, give us an encore!" :'''Black☆Star''': "Alright then! Come here! Come over here, Black Star's giving you a big hug!" :'''Black☆Star''': "What the point of worrying about the past? A real star keeps moving forward." :'''Black☆Star''': "My soul wave length just got taken away. I'm gunna miss it." :'''Black☆Star''': "I'm Black Star. I'm on a whole different level than you. I'm a big man! I beat death! Who else can say that?!" :'''Black☆Star''': "I'm not going to let myself get beat by a jar!" :'''Black☆Star''': "Who cares about snow? Snow can't touch me, I could be naked out here & it wouldn't bother me at all." :'''Black☆Star''': "Sorry I'm not into Asian chicks" :'''Black☆Star''': "It's me with a capital M! I'm the only 1 big enough to capitalize me!" :'''Black☆Star''': "I'll never show you my tears. These are the tears of those who died with regrets. If there's a way to take away these regrets, I'll make sure I'll find it." :'''Black☆Star''': "If it's fear that you speak of, then I'll stand & face it. I'll never give up. The only time I lose is when I die!" :'''Black☆Star''': "As long as I don't admit defeat, then it'll never be a loss!" :'''Black☆Star''': "Hey Soul, let's piss on Sid's grave!" :'''Black☆Star''': "'Path of the Warrior'? Mifune, let's get something straight. The path I choose isn't of the Warrior or the Demon. You don't know this path! You've never seen it before, Samurai! My path! & nobody else's, YOU GOT ME!" :'''Black☆Star''': "I'm the almighty badass that's gonna transcend the Gods!! When all's said and done, I'm gonna be the one standing on top!!" == Tsubaki Nakatsukasa == :''[Tsubaki Nakatsukasa (中務 椿, Nakatsukasa Tsubaki), the Demon Weapon, is Black☆Star's partner. She can change into multiple ninja weapons, including the chain scythe/kusarigama, shuriken, smoke bomb, & eventually the uncanny sword. Like her brother, she is a member of the Nakatsukasa clan.]'' :'''[[w:Tsubaki Nakatsukasa|Tsubaki Nakatsukasa]]''': "Excuse me! I'm not a microphone, I'm a chain scythe! A weapon! You don't understand assassination, do you? :'''Tsubaki Nakatsukasa''': "Silence means approaching…quietly! If you're trying to be an assassin, you have to learn how to shut up!" :'''Tsubaki Nakatsukasa''': "The Camellia Blossom, also known as Tsubaki, is a flower without fragrance. It proclaims nothing, blooming in silence. When the blossom's petals scatter, it's quiet & tragic. I am Tsubaki. A silent flower without fragrance." :'''Tsubaki Nakatsukasa''': "I am Tsubaki, a flower without fragrance. When I fall it will be silent & tragic." :'''Tsubaki Nakatsukasa''': "I have a friend who has helped me realize something. He's helped me see that a Camellia does have a fragrance!" :'''Tsubaki Nakatsukasa''': "Yay, London!" :'''Tsubaki Nakatsukasa''': "You guys are a team, you have to work together if you want to do anything! 1 person can't make a decision without the other, you decide together & you fight together!" :'''Tsubaki Nakatsukasa''': "I'll admit Black Star makes some dumb calls from time to time, but the important thing is I'm here to back him up no matter how big a fool he is. If we're fools we're fools together, that's the kind of team we are." :'''Tsubaki Nakatsukasa''': "Our souls, together with you till the end!" == Death the Kid == :''[Death the Kid (デス・ザ・キッド, Desu za Kiddo) commonly called "Kid" (キッド, Kiddo) by his friends & family, is 1 of the 3 main meisters that the series follows. He is apparently the strongest of the trio, as he is a grim reaper. He is Patty & Liz's meister & Lord Death's son.]'' :'''[[w:Death the Kid|Death the Kid]]''': "Just look Patty! Your stance is off again! The 2 of you aren't in a line!" :'''Death the Kid''': "Symmetry is what makes the world beautiful." :'''Death the Kid''': "ITS ASYMMETRICAL!!!" :'''Death the Kid''': "Symmetry is key. Everything must be aesthetically pleasing. That's why I use the 2 of you as twin pistols in order to preserve symmetry. When I hold you both, I'm completely balanced on the right & left. It isn't perfect because your human forms are so different from each other, though. Your hair styles & height for example. Even your boobs are different sizes!" :'''Death the Kid''': "You're right, I'm an abomination! I'm filthy & dirty! & unbalanced! Why is there only 1 set of stripes?! I'm garbage! Asymmetrical garbage! I deserve to die!" :'''Death the Kid''': "I'm worrying about it! I'm worrying about it! Worry! Worry! Worry!" :'''Death the Kid''': "Tornado Flip!" :'''Death the Kid''': "You're disgustingly hideous! What the hell kind of thing are you? I've never seen anything more messed up in my life! Do you know nothing about symmetry? Whoever made you should be dug up from his grave, shot, & reburied! You make me violently ill." :'''Death the Kid''': "Dammit, Patty!" :'''Death the Kid''': "I'm a pig, a louse, a useless cow! I destroyed Anubis! Such utter garbage cannot be allowed to live! I deserve to die!" :'''Death the Kid''': "No I can't go on like this! I should die! How could this happen? Did I really forget to fold the tip of the toilet paper into a triangle?" :'''Death the Kid''': "What If I didn't fold the toilet paper? Something like that could ruin my life forever. I can't be defeated by toilet paper. If I turn my back on this, I shouldn't be allowed to live anymore." :'''Death the Kid''': "No, it can't be 7! Say 8, dammit! 8 is better! It's physically impossible to cut the number 7 in half & make it symmetrical! It has to be 8 instead! 8 cut vertically or horizontally stays perfectly symmetrical! Take it back, I beg of you! Please say 8! Please!" :'''Death the Kid''': "Hey, can I shoot them now?" :'''Death the Kid''': "Oops. Sorry. My fingers slipped." :'''Death the Kid''': "Black Star, I can't come down. There's water. Carry me." :'''Death the Kid''': "I'll ward off the water from above, and you can handle the water on the ground, okay? We'll work together, it's a good thing there are 2 of us here. This way would be impassable alone. Quite an obstacle." :'''Death the Kid''': "We're hunting after a legendary sword. Finding a fairy or two shouldn't be surprising." :'''Death the Kid''': "Damn, it's awful. Just awful! No matter what I do I can't get the K right! I'm useless garbage! I'm a horrible disgusting person who doesn't deserve to live another day!" :'''Death the Kid''': "If you want to do damage to the other ship, you have to ram them in the middle! Now do it again!" :'''Death the Kid''': "I partnered with these two specifically so something like this wouldn't happen. I need symmetry! Maybe I should have listened to my father. He tried to pick out a good weapon for me, but I refused to listen to him! Stubborn! All I cared about, all I wanted was symmetry! Two symmetrical weapons! Was that so much to ask for?! & now all my efforts have been completely & utterly wasted! Damn it!" :'''Death the Kid''' (to Black Star): Your desperation had wound up working against us. Take a closer look, what you actually cut was the shrine's seal in the bag. It's sort of ironic, you were so focused on destroying the syringe that you left yourself vulnerable. Your 6th sense kicked in & took over when you weren't expecting it. In the very end, you must have been hallucinating." :'''Death the Kid''': "I do not deny evil, nor do I believe that any human is completely free of malice. Everything must be in balance. As long as evil & good maintain an equilibrium in this world there is no problem. Perfect balance is the key to everything." :'''Death the Kid''': "I'm going to keep fighting until this world is the way it should be. Until the world is balanced." :'''Death the Kid''': "You disgust me. I am a Grim Reaper. I refuse to grant anyone the freedom to kill!" :'''Death the Kid''': "Reaper Combat Art: Mortal Sin Stance." :'''Death the Kid''': "Just look at it Liz, Patty, just look at how the clouds are! Flowing right toward the sun! It's so beautiful, even the sky is symmetrical!" :'''Death the Kid''': "I dreamed of a perfect world. You weren't there. I'll enforce your death penalty Noah." :'''Death the Kid''': "'Might is right'... those with power direct the course of world affairs and create the order they desire and those with power create he standards for justice." ==Liz Thompson == :''Liz Thompson (リズ（エリザベス）・トンプソン, Rizu (Erizabesu) Tonpuson) is the elder sister of Patricia Thompson and one of Death the Kid's Demon twin pistols.]'' :'''Liz Thompson''': "Excuse me for being smaller than my little sister! What right do you have to talk about symmetry, anyway? Three stripes on the left side of your hair and none on the right?! That doesn't look symmetrical to me!" :'''Liz Thompson''': "Now, now, Kid. You can't forget that you're a grim reaper. Compared to that, what do three little lines matter?" :'''Liz Thompson''': "Not the sharpest tool in the shed, is he? These little rich kids are always so gullible." :''Liz Thompson''': "A sound soul dwells within sound skin and sound cuticles.That doesn't sound right!" :'''Liz Thompson''': "I can see through you,Your lying, you want to gobble up my hot body!" :'''Liz Thompson''': "We were born as weapons and we loved the power that came with it. Nothing could scare us. We walked around town like we owned the place, taking whatever we wanted whenever we wanted it. No one ever thought to ask what our lives were really like." :'''Liz Thompson''': "Hey, Kid. Let's forget about consistency for now. We can pass right on through, just don't look at them for too long." :'''Liz Thompson''': "Okay. In your defense, I suppose poorly arranged bombs are terrifying to you as a path full of monster would be to most normal people." :'''Liz Thompson''': "Whoa! Hold on a sec. The Kishin is gonna wake back up if you give up this easily! You're a Reaper. If you can't do this, then who can?! :'''Liz Thompson''': "It's your turn, Patty. Just tell him in that special way that you have." == Patty Thompson == :''[Patty Thompson (パティー（パトリシア）・トンプソン, Patī Thompson) also spelled "Patti" in some translations is one half of Death the Kid's Demon twin pistols. She is the younger of the two sisters, and the more naïve.]'' :'''Patty Thompson''': "Yeah, Kid! You're not garbage. If you were garbage you would smell a lot worse, so why don't we just get up and try again, okay?" :'''Patty" Thompson''': "Garbage is ew, and you're not!" :''' "Patty" Thompson''': ""Hey, sis? I've been wondering something. How come everyone always closes their eyes when they sneeze? Is it to keep their eyes from popping out of their heads?" :''' "Patty" Thompson''': "You broke the Pharaoh! "You broke the Pharaoh! "You broke the Pharaoh!" :''' "Patty" Thompson''': "Yeah, it's going to be freaking awesome!" :'''"Patty" Thompson''': "Giraffe! Giraffe! I love Giraffes!" :''' "Patty" Thompson''': "You better watch out! I can break your neck!" :'''"Patty" Thompson''': "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream." :'''"Patty" Thompson''': "Get your ass moving now, damn you." == Crona == :''[Crona (クロナ, Kurona) is the first reoccurring antagonist of Soul Eater. The child of Medusa Gorgon, Crona is a Demon Sword Master whose weapon, Ragnarok, resides permanently within their blood.]'' :'''[[w:Crona|Crona]]''': "The doors here only open 1 way. They open inward." :'''Crona''': "I can`t deal with it." :'''Crona''': "This much I know: my blood is black." :'''Crona''': "I'm not very good at talking with girls. They make me nervous." :'''Crona''': "Ragnarok, Screaming Resonance." :'''Crona''': "I don't like it, the dark circles under my eyes will come back & I don't know how to deal with the dark circles!" :'''Crona''': "I've never seen a man with a screw sticking out of his head before. I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with a guy like that!" :'''Crona''': "No, thumbtacks in my shoes would stick into my feet whenever I tried to walk. It would hurt. I don't think I could deal with that really." :'''Crona''': "There are stars & planets floating around me. I don't think I can handle astronomy right now." :'''Crona''': "Hey. My blood is black, you know." :'''Crona''': "I'm scared. Of everyone. I need to learn to deal with people better." :'''Crona''': "Do you want to know where the real hell is hiding? It's inside your head." :'''Crona''': "I hate, hate, hate everyone. But that's okay I can use my screams to blow them all away. I bet dead people are a lot easier to get along with." :'''Crona''': "I can't lose weight! I don't know how to deal with being any skinnier than I already am!" :'''Crona''': "That's gross, & I don't get the comparison!" :'''Crona''': "Ewww…I don't want to hang out with someone disgusting as poop!" :'''Crona''': "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THAT." :'''Crona''': "Trusting someone not to hurt you…how idiotic is that?" :'''Crona''': "I don't want to lose my only friend." :'''Crona''': "I don't know how to handle this situation!" :'''Crona''': "Stop it! When you squat it looks like you're going to the bathroom!" :'''Crona''': "A black demon like me can only taint things jet black." :'''Crona''': "I will destroy the world." :'''Crona''': "Relationships are painful." :'''Crona''': "I am soul eaten." :'''Crona''': "Don't worry, I'll protect you Maka." :'''Crona''': "Don't hurt Maka anymore. If something's bothering you, why not write a poem?" (raises sword) "We can write one together, okay?" :'''Crona''': "I simply want to fight for you, Maka." :'''Crona''': "Let's meet again, Maka." :'''Crona''': "I'm here to help someone who's alway been there for me. I'm here to... I'm here to stop you Medusa!" :'''Crona''': "I'm tired of hating myself all the time, and I'm tired of betraying the people I care about, and most of all... I'm sick of being some tool for you to use." :'''Crona''': (after being badly wounded) "Maka, please... d-don't cry. I'm happy now for the first time. I finally am... because you...were my friend. It's okay." == The Demon Sword: Ragnarok == :''[The Demon Sword: Ragnarok (ラグナロク, Ragunaroku), is Crona's weapon partner. Ragnarok is the first inhuman weapon introduced in Soul Eater. Ragnarok has taken to absorbing any soul, evil or not. By taking innocent souls, Ragnarok lost what little sanity he had and his soul wavelength had grown out of control and vastly overpowers Crona's own wavelength, which could potentially eventually lead to Ragnarok devouring Crona's soul. Fortunately, his soul wavelength was evened out when Lord Death confiscated the souls Ragnarok had taken.]'' :'''ENGLISH DUB''': :'''[[w:The Demon Sword: Ragnarok|The Demon Sword: Ragnarok]]''': "Goo-pi." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Goop, goop, goopi-pi" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Now now, calm down Crona. You're so scary when you're stressed out like that." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Bloody-needle." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "If you let him hit you with that technique again, I'm gonna stick thumbtacks in your shoes, got it?" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Screw yaself! You won't live that long!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Time to die, screwhead!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Astronomy is a lot easier to deal with than death, you moron." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Oi, Crona. If the grim reaper catches up to us you're not having any dinner tonight." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Crona! Quit thinking about the brat who ran off and focus on the one who's right in front of you!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Kill her..." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Don't be an idiot, girl. You're not gonna manage anything. Don't you remember how this went last time? You and your weapon didn't manage so well. I don't even know why I bother with you anyway. A puny little soul like yours is hardly even worth eating. That Star brat from earlier looked a lot tastier than you. You're an unappetising useless little girl. I don't even need to fight you. I could probably bully you to death from here!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Huh?" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Blabber all you want. No one will hear your screams when ya lose." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Shut up." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Come on, get it in gear, Crona!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Damn it Crona! Look what you did! You got me locked up in here with you because you couldn't pull yourself together!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "You idiot! Take this! And this! And this and this!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "I'm gonna punch you until I can't punch anymore Crona!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Dammit Crona you complete idiot!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Screw you guys!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Damn you little girl! What the hell did you do!? Why am I so little now!?" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "You and CRONA? FRIENDS? You gotta be kidding me! Who'd wanna be friends with a pathetic thing like him!? He isn't even any fun! Wait. I got it! You wanna keep him around as a punching bag! Bullying him is an excellent way to reduce stress! That's what you want him for..." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Well too bad. I'm the only one who gets to beat up Crona! He's mine, you can't have him!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "How could you punch me Crona!? I don't believe it!! You have no idea how it feels to be hit by you!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Well, I'll tell you! It's like when you haven't crapped in 3 days and 3 nights, and then you get a toilet water splash back bonus when you unload it all!!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "You think I'm gonna let you talk to me like that?!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Here we go!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "What you got under there, huh!? Nice dress, pansy. Don't try to fight back!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Ah ha ha... Hahaha... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "I wouldn't be getting too cocky if I were you, stupid humans!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "What'd you do to me you ugly cow!?" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "What are you doing here?! I never agreed to be your friend!!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Wow, that panty-shot of you was more of a turn off than I'd expected, you cow!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "You don't have much to look at under there, do you? Cow..." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "There is Crona's screech alpha you know. Heh, just thought I'd mention that. Don't know why though. We're onlookers. No way we're gonna help you... Not even for 3 pieces of candy..." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Heh, it was just a figure of speech. I don't actually want any candy. I'm not a baby, you idiot." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "It's not a matter of number!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "REALLY? Maka Albarn, you know how to strike a good bargain. It pays to negociate, don't 'cha think?" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Don't underestimate my black blood!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Quit your worrying. Dumbass." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Go after her Crona! Kill the witch! We're on fire now!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Cuts like that are nothing. I'll just harden the blood after you say thank you." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "You mean 'thanks very much'!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "What? Are you trying to study right now? You're a strange girl." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "If you're his friend, then feed me!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Hmh, the food was good at least." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Hey, Crona! You should try and find a partner who can cook, like that Tsubaki girl!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Goopi-pi! Things are getting interesting." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Looks like the hallway's off limits from here. Goo pi pi! Which means it might be a good place to look for the vault." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "It's not my problem if you get yourself caught." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "You saved us Marie! We were trying to find our room and we lost our way..." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "You sure about that?" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Thanks a lot. We couldn't have done it without you." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Who cares, as long as you can drink from it." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Looks like you have added your own girly touch here and there." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Hey! Why didn't I get any? I'm thirsty too!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Sure I do. Wanna see?" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "There's no need to hurry!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Crona, now's your chance." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "What are you waiting for you moron?" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "U-uh... How about some pepper? I like it spicy!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Goopi-pi... That went smoothly..." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "It was easy! Whilst she was out of the room, we just added a little drop to her tea." :'''ENGLISH SUB''': :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Mesuda-sama, two more visitors." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "No no no no... Crona's scary when she's all riled up." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "But their souls sure look tasty." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Let's show 'em Crona." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "This is the end, screwshit." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "They can't pierce through him?" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "He's gone? Hey, screwshit, where'd you go!? Son of a bitch!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Damn, that's it! Hurry and pull yourself together! If we take another hit from his Soul's wavelength, we're done for!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "How to deal with stars? Just do what feels natural, in the moment! Just snap the hell out of it!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Crona, forget about the running boy! Focus on the chick in front of us." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Kill her." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "You gotta be kidding!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "There's no such as, doing it somehow! Have you forgotten? How Crona chopped you up last time?! It's damn annoying! Eating a small fry's soul like yours won't even leave a taste. That star kid from before looks ten times tastier! You're not even attractive! You're worthless, girl! We're gonna beat the crap out of you! That's al that's left to do!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Yeah, keep talking big. We'll cut you down to size." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Hey, Crona!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Why you... Crona! Damn it!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "If you don't behave, I too will get locked!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "It's your fault! Damn you, damn you!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Don't mess around!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Don't mess around, idiot!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Why you, what did you do?! Why is my master like this?!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Become friends with Crona? Don't say stupid things!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "No matter what you do, it's still boring!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "I know! It has to be bullying! Did it succeed? It's a great way to relieve stress, isn't it?" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "You one star Technician!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "I won't let you off! I am Crona's real friend! I won't let you have her!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Crona! How dare you hit me! Do you know how I feel, being hit by you?" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "It's like poop which couldn't come out for three days, which when you suddenly push out with all you got, makes the water in the toilet basin splash you. That kind of feeling!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Don't be cheeky!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Damn!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Don't think everything will go your way, you annoying bunch! This was all your fault you know!? Ugly woman! Besides, I don't remember ever becoming one of your buddies!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Those panties are even more boring than I thought. Ugly." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "There's Crona's screech alpha. I just wanted to say it. We're only supposed to observe, you see? We won't lend a hand. Even if you give me three pieces of candy." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "It's just a figure of speech! I don't really want any candy. Idiot! I'm not a kid!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "It's not a matter of how many!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "What!?" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Maka Albarn, you have a way with words. I was just negotiating." :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "Don't underestimate the black blood, damn it!" :'''The Demon Sword: Ragnarok''': "No problem, dummy!" ==Asura== :''[Asura is the Kishin, the series antagonist who influences the events through his madness of terror affecting the minds of others.]'' :'''Asura''' (First words of freedom): "Nakedness is so wrong. I prefer the macho look." :'''Asura''' (First words of freedom in dubbed voice): "I'm naked, this is so wrong!! I need to cover up. I like the macho look!" :'''Asura''' (SUB): "There's nothing unusual here…The appropriate one stands in the appropriate place after the inappropriate ones have collapsed to the ground, defeated. There is nothing unexpected or odd about it. Because this is reality. Not one shred of uncertainty exists here. Not even fear, of course…" :'''Asura''': "I have to say, you're as ''reckless'' now as you always were." :'''Asura''': "Why don't we have a little chat about the past instead? You see, I've had an awful lot to think about ever since you locked me up. There was no escaping it. When you're sealed inside a bag of your own skin there's only so much you can do. Your mind starts to wander." :'''Asura''': "Sitting there in the dark, I had the chance to think about a lot of things, including the nature of the world itself. And after lengthy consideration, I realized something; when all is said and done, this world is an unknowable place. On the surface, all appears rational, orderly. But what lies beyond that thin veneer of reason? Stability and reality? Or chaos and madness? What are we really made of in the end? Is there truly any meaning to the lives we lead? Or are we nothing more than hollow vessels? These are questions we can never answer, because we cannot hope to see beyond the world's fragile layer of skin. So we live our lives filled with uncertainty, never knowing who or what we truly are, or what the future will bring. All we can do is imagine. Life becomes an unsolvable mystery with any number of twists and turns awaiting us. And that's enough to fill any soul with terror." :'''Asura''': "It's not necessarily the uncertainty that makes us fearful. It's more than that. The answers that we imagine are what really frighten us." :'''Asura''': "Imagination is where all our fear originates, it is the mother of terror and mankind's greatest weakness. :'''Asura''': "What you offer is order and authority, which gives humans the illusion of security and peace, but what truly lies under the thin layer of rationality you attempt to impose on the world?" :'''Asura''': "Pain in the present can be dealt with. It's imagining future pain that hurts us the most. It terrifies us." :'''Asura''': "Pain and death aren't so frightening really, unless you let your imagination run away with you..." :'''Asura''': "Naturally. Would you like to hear it? Very well then, it's quite simple. See Reaper, ''I have decided not to imagine any more.''" :'''Asura''': "Cowardly, Reaper? I think you should choose your words more carefully." :'''Asura''': "You know for a grim reaper you're impressively naive. Following the rules doesn't guarantee an escape from fear." :'''Asura''': "Don't you see how empty and meaningless the authority you impose is? That's not how the truth is found. You make your followers feel safe by offering them white lies and comforting words... Don't you know that it only harms them more?" :'''Asura''': "Do you find creating the illusion of peace for people that noble of a job?" :'''Asura''': "Have you been listening to a word I've said, old man!? What's wrong with surrendering to madness? That's where the true peace is." :'''Asura''': "Oh I'm plenty of strong. You'll find out soon enough that you're the weak one, Reaper." :'''Asura''': "Exactly what I was thinking. Perhaps you should say Goodbye to your son. What is it something I said?" :'''Asura''': "So I hear, that's most unfortunate though. I hope we'd be able to come to an understanding." :'''Asura''': "We were friends once, so allow me to offer you one small piece of advice. You should be careful about hiding behind authority and blinding yourself to the realities of the world. It might cost you your life someday. Or somebody else's." :'''Asura''': "The root of all fear is imagination" :'''Asura''': "Do you mean that after being defeated by humans I would cower never before?" :'''Asura''': "So you got rid of corporal terror by discarding the flesh, intellectual dread by using Brew!! And you overcame the mental fear by trusting others and depending on it?! But such feeble support will break easily!! It will be all over when it breaks and the madness will take over again. Goodbye till then! Stay fearful with me until that time." :'''Asura''' (anime): "There's nothing unusual here... The appropriate one stands in the appropriate place after the inappropriate ones have collapsed to the ground, defeated. There is nothing unexpected or odd about it. That is harsh reality. Nothing uncertain exists here. Not even fear." :'''Asura''' (to Maka, anime): "Go on and stab me, I'm not afraid of pain. Not at all... but what about you?" :'''Asura''' (anime): "What is Bravery?" :'''Asura''' (final words, anime): "Everybody huh... then it’s just like madness." == Lord Death == :''[Lord Death is the Grim Reaper himself (in Western legends), having root his soul in to Death City to seal Asura. Ultimately, known as the father of Death the Kid, Death is revealed to be Asura's father with both the Kishin and Kid created from fragments of his own soul.]'' :'''[[w:Lord Death|Lord Death]]''': "Reaper Chop!" :'''Lord Death''': "Yeah, yeah. Hello, hello." :'''Lord Death''': "This last collection, the witch's soul, is very important. If you slip up, all of the ninety-nine Kishin souls the two of you have collected so far will be confiscated." :'''Lord Death''': "If you don't shut up, I'm going to use my Reaper Chop to split your head open!" :'''Lord Death''': "Well hello, son! What's up? It's good to see you! I've forgotten how cute those stripes on your hair are." :'''Lord Death''': "People and Gods alike possess weaknesses. In order to bury those failings, they seek strength and power. Fear and desire are two sides of the same coin." :'''Lord Death''': "Yo! Hey! Hiya! Thanks for comin', great to see you! Okay well that's about all I have to say. Have a great time tonight" :'''Lord Death''': "WASSUP, WASSUP, WASSUUPPPPP?!" :'''Lord Death''': "Mandolin?" :'''Lord Death''': "Our struggle against witches has been going on for centuries. Over the years, many witches have come up with a number of new spells. But for every new spell, miesters and weapons have developed new ways of countering them. For instance, in order to detect and hunt down witches, miesters born would have the ability to sense souls." :'''Lord Death''': "I suppose there's no point in hiding it anymore. If you shut the lid on something that stinks, all you're really doing is hiding the bad smell. To get rid of it, you'll have to open the lid back up and dive in. Hey everyone, could I have your attention for a moment? There's a kishin sleeping underneath the DWMA!" :'''Lord Death''': "It all happened before this academy was created. I'll begin at the beginning, this is a story of a man and his name was Asura. Asura kept himself covered, wrapping his face in long scares and wore five layers of shirts on top of each other. He wasn't good at trusting other people. He didn't rely on anybody. He was basically a big ball of paranoia wrapped in a dozen scares. (800 Years ago) 'Tell me. What happened with the eastern witches?' Guardian: Sir, by the time we arrived there, Asura had slaughtered them all.' Asura was a member of my personal squad. He was by far the best and strongest of all the eight guardians. However, he was also the most frightening one of them all, always terrified of something. Asura became obsessed with power, eventually he broke down the sacred rule and began collecting the souls of humans. (Pause And thus because of him, it was born. The Kishin, the source of all madness." :'''Lord Death''' (to Kilik): "I told you he was a frightened man, he was even terrified of his partner as well. So... he ate his own weapon." :'''Lord Death''' (to Ox Ford): "You know. Now that I think about it, I'm not really sure if he was ever human to begin with. It's possible he is nothing more than the embodiment of something that lies deep within his heart... Fear for example." :'''Lord Death''': "I'd really hate to say this to you, especially since you just woke up...but it's time for you to die again." :'''Lord Death''': "I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but there is no running away this time. You can't leave this room without my permission which I do not intend to give you." :'''Lord Death''': "Oh? Is that so? After all this time, you actually think that you could defeat me? (Pause) Unfortunately for you, the moment that you were swallowed and trapped into my Death Room, the winner has already been decided. Well, what do you say? Shall we end this quickly?" :'''Lord Death''' (to Asura): "You filthy unforgiveable swine! That's it, I'M GOING TO SKIN YOU ALIVE AGAIN!" :'''Lord Death''': "Yeah sorry, it won't happen again. This time you will be GOOD AND DEAD." :'''Lord Death''': "Special attack... COFFEE TABLE FLIP!" :'''Lord Death''': "So, you've decided to sacrifice you imagination. Sounds like a cowardly move." :'''Lord Death''': "If there was a better word to describe you, I don't know what it might be! This is how you've been as long as I have known you, hiding cowardice behind cunning! (Deep voiced) You were always riddled with insecurities and plagued by fears, unable to relax until you have hidden them all. In an effort to escape from your petty fears, you partnered with Vajra. You should have fought alongside me, but you were too weak for that! In the end you betrayed not only innocent humans, but your own weapon partner as well! :'''Lord Death''': And Insanity does?! Even if you bury your fears in madness, only new fears will only surface! Are you truly lost already that you can't understand that simple fact? If you continue along the path you've chosen, the world will sink into despair. Even a child could see the heartless evil in that. :'''Lord Death''' (to Asura): There's no hope for you! You are beyond saving!!" :'''Lord Death''': "It is far more noble than seeking to destroy them with blind insanity like you intend to! :'''Lord Death''' (to Asura): So you keep saying! Well that's because you're not strong enough for sanity!" :'''Lord Death''': "It's about time for us to end this." :'''Lord Death''': "I'll remove your threat ONCE AND FOR ALL! I am the guardian of this world, it is my job to make sure you do no further damage to it!" == Spirit Albarn/Death Scythe == Death Scythe (デス・サイズ, Desu Saizu), Lord Death's current weapon, and Maka's father, whose real name is Spirit Albarn (スピリット=アルバーン スピリット Aruban). He was Dr. Stein's first Weapon partner. :'''[[w:List of Soul Eater characters#Death Scythe|Death Scythe]] :'''Death Scythe''': "Hey bitch Don't even think of touching my Maka. If you lay a hand on her, as a Death Scythe... no, as her father, I will fucking kill you, you got me, you little octopus head?" :'''Death Scythe''': "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY! Are you trying to tell me that my Maka's not attractive?! Why haven't you made a move on her, you're a man, aren't you!" :'''Death Scythe''': "Maka, your dad loves you." :'''Death Scythe''': "It's more effective if you warn before you chop!" :'''Death Scythe''': "Maka! Please don't hate me, Maka! I love you and mama! I promise, Maka! It's true! It's true! I love you! I love you!" :'''Death Scythe''': "Good times at Chupacabras!" :'''Death Scythe''': "He's using every drop of his blood as a weapon." :'''Death Scythe''': "Oh my darling. My dear white coated angel. Please heal me! My heart is in need of your sweet, sweet medical lovin only you can cure!" :'''Death Scythe''': "I bet Maka's enjoying her present right about now." :'''Death Scythe''': "This fight of ours has become a gamble, and the odds are stacked against us. We're so close, all we need to do now is take the offensive somehow and strike at her!" ==Professor Franken Stein == :''[Franken Stein (フランケン・シュタイン, Furanken Shutain), also known as Professor Stein, is the man that changes Sid into a zombie, the strongest Meister of the DWMA. He was Spirit's partner before, due to suffering the effects of Asura's madness, is given a new partner. He is named after the title character of Mary Shelley's novel Frankenstein, with elements of Frankenstein's monster.]'' :'''[[w:(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein|(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein]]''': "I can't seem to get my head on straight." :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''': "I have a simpler motive. Experimentation and observation that's all a true scientist cares about. And I am a scientist. Everything in the world is an experimental test subject, of course that includes myself as well." :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''': "All the more reason to dissect one, before the whole species dies off." :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''': "Soul Force!" :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''': "I think I'd like to dissect you now!" :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''': "Spirit Body." :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''': "Double Palm Soul Force. Twin Spears." :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''': "Witch Hunter!" :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''': "Are you helping because you're a doctor? Or is it because you're a Witch?" :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''': "Ha ha ha ha! Promise me something if you're gunna sue go after Spirit first okay?" :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''': "This is fear. That's good then, I had forgotten what it felt like." :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''': "You know about it don't you Witch Medusa? About the Kishin beneath the DWMA." :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''': "Are you ready to fight against fear itself? Will you cross beyond that door? Let your souls make the decision for you." :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''': "You can't even imagine how disastrous things would be if the Kishin is revived. It's madness is like a plague." :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''': "We have come this far. We're just a step away, but the moment the sutures come undone, the fight will start all over again. (He then imagines the tail snake killing him.) And as Medusa said, I'm more likely to be the loser. Her tail snake is pointed directly towards my throat just a hair's breathe away from beheading me. But right now, I can't seem to picture myself being defeated. All I can imagine is dismembering that witch, dissection is what I do best... (Pause effect.) My only chance is to roll the dice and hope I win." :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''': "Made you look." :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''': "Whats good and evil is determined by those of who are in power." :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''': "Where am I? What path should I take? Move ahead, join the new world that's awaiting to be born, or turn back to the old world? Am I still stable or am I being consumed by the madness? Is this the truth that I see, or the fabricated delusions of insanity? Water ever-flows from higher elevations down to lower ground. More and more water collects in one place forming a river. So it is too with the lives of men. Set in their ways, they hate the loss of the old order. They fear change, but what if it's better to fall from higher grounds to join the new river? Old or new where everything is controlled by the order, but that's okay. The only thing I need right now is... to obey the new rules.." :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''' (to Marie): "I'm going to cut you open now!! :'''(Professor) Dr. Franken Stein''': "There are some friendships that can never end. It took me a long to realize that, but I finally get it now." == Sidney "Sid" Barett == :''[Sidney "Sid" Barett (死人（シド）・バレット, Shido Baretto; Literally meaning "Dead Person"), a man who died and was subsequently turned into a zombie by Dr. Stein.).]'' :'''[[w:Sidney "Sid" Barett|Sidney "Sid" Barett]]''': "Good morning, good afternoon, good night. How have you been? And all that. I always try to remember my manners, that's the kind of man I was." :'''Sidney "Sid" Barett''': "Ding Dong, Dead Dong." :'''Sidney "Sid" Barett''': "I always was a man to start class at the bell. Punctuality is important." :'''Sidney "Sid" Barett''': "I never was the kind of man to hold back!" :'''Sidney "Sid" Barett''': "I've always been an enthusiastic educator! That's the kind of man I was!" :'''Sidney "Sid" Barett''': "Back when I was alive I was definitely a man who would never tell a lie, but a lot of thing have changed since then." :'''Sidney "Sid" Barett''': "I don't spoil my students. That's not the kind of man I was." :'''Sidney "Sid" Barett''': "Tsubaki? So that sneaky little brat dumped his punishment on her and took off did he? Back when I was still alive I hated it when dirty tricks like this were pulled!" :'''Sidney "Sid" Barett''': "I'll let this one slide, that's the kind of man I was." :'''Sidney "Sid" Barett''': "I was a very meticulous man you know, that hasn't changed." :'''Sidney "Sid" Barett''': "When I was alive, I was a rather cautious man thank you very much." :'''Sidney "Sid" Barett''': "I was not the type of man who went sneaking around reading woman's diaries." :'''Sidney "Sid" Barett''': "That's just the kind of man I was." :'''Sidney "Sid" Barett''': "LIVING END!" == Ox Ford == :''[Ox Ford (オックス・フォード, Okkusu Fōdo) is a spear technician and one of the top students at the DWMA in terms of grades and is Harvar's meister. He is named after the University of Oxford.]'' :'''[[w:Ox Ford|Ox Ford]]''': "Oh no I'm not a fool, you see I'm at the top of my class at the DWMA. I really am quite intelligent." :'''Ox Ford''': "Oh the humanity." :'''Ox Ford''': "How could he do such an awful thing to my beloved Kim? Hiro, you're a dead man!" :'''Ox Ford''': "We have to remember, this is Hiro. He's a perpetual failure, he'll get tired of the 1000 provisions and give up before to much longer. Ha-ha-ha-ha." :'''Ox Ford''': "No! Say it isn't so! How could this happen to Hiro of all people, it can't be true! AHHH!" == Harvar D.Éclair == Harvar De Eclair (ハーバー・ド・エクレール, Hābā Do Ekurēru), is Ox's partner and a fellow student in the Death Weapon Meister Academy. :'''[[w:Harvar|Harvar]]''': "Think you'll get top score again this year Ox?" :'''Harvar D.Éclair''': "Stand up." :'''Harvar D.Éclair''': "What are you gonna do now Ox? You can't get expelled from the academy." :'''Harvar D.Éclair''': "Quit it will ya?" == Excalibur == :''[Excalibur (エクスカリバー, Ekusukaribā) is a comrade of Lord Death's whose great power that is unrivaled by any other weapon within the series continuity. However, possessing a madness wavelength that intensifies rage, his habit of alienating others makes his use ..... rare]'' :'''[[w:Excalibur|Excalibur]]''': "Welcome. Welcome to my cave young ones. Please forgive the belated salutations. I am the holy sword Excalibur!" :'''Excalibur''': "My legend dates back to the 12th Century thank you very much." :'''Excalibur''': "Young ones! Do you want to hear the legend of me? Do you want to hear a heroic tale?" :'''Excalibur''': "My mornings begin with a cup of coffee with cream at the cafe. My afternoon begins with hot tea with two lumps of sugar. And my evenings... In the evening I change into my pyjamas." :'''Excalibur''': "The taller the chefs hat the greater the chef.... FOOLS .... Who said I was a chef?!" :'''Excalibur''': "Before becoming my Meister there is a list of 1,000 provisions you must pursue. Be sure to look through all of them, they're important. I greatly look forward to your participation in number 452: The five hour story telling party." ::'''Excalibur''': "No. 022: On a refreshing morning, start out with a refreshing greeting". ::'''Excalibur''': "Number 058 of the 1,000 provisions I would like you to observe, never talk to me while I'm humming to myself. This is an important provision do you understand?" ::'''Excalibur''': "No. 075: Celebrate Excalibur's birthday in grand-style." ::'''Excalibur''': "No. 172: Seek harmony. Seek it, thus. First! A haircut!" ::'''Excalibur''': "This brings us to number 278 of the 1,000 provisions you must observe. I hate carrots. Never even think about putting them in my food, you get it?" ::'''Excalibur''': "SILENCE! This is number 349 of the 1,000 provisions you must observe. Meisters should eat everything regardless of personal likes and dislikes. Never say anything as selfish as "I don't like carrots." again." ::'''Excalibur''': "No. 452: Attendance at the five hour story-telling party is absolutely mandatory." ::'''Excalibur''': "Have you forgotten provision No. 573? Always walk 3 steps behind me." ::'''Excalibur''': "No. 578: The hero must never tell a lie." ::'''Excalibur''': "No. 602: Food must be prepared with the freshest ingredients." ::'''Excalibur''': "No. 667: You must praise Excalibur at all times." ::'''Excalibur''': "To sum up that is what led to number 679 of the 1,000 provisions you must observe. Always place a dehumidifier in your room." :'''Excalibur''': "Hey! Hold on, come back! I'll tell you what! I can lower those 1,000 provisions down to 800, just as long as you take part in the five hour story telling party." :'''Excalibur''': "You want to hear my legend, don't you? FOOL... FOOL... FOOL... Ugh... Fool." :'''Excalibur''': "My legend dates back to the 12th Century you see. My legend is quite old. The 12th Century was a long time ago." :'''Excalibur''': "Nothing beats a cup of herbal tea in the morning." :'''Excalibur''': "Of course they are my family. Isn't it obvious? And a wonderful family they were. It happened long ago when I was still in the flower of my youth. The cities began to grow wild, people lost hope for the future. They became lazy, idol time wasters. And to my everlasting shame I was no exception. Thus, I began to watch the 7 o'clock news religiously every night!" :'''Excalibur''': "Humming and the nightly news share a very tight connection indeed." :'''Excalibur''': "A symphony can not be created using common sense and probabilities. It is already written in the fate of the composer. No... that's not it. A symphony is the inevitable result of a bad childhood, deafness, and too many beans eaten after a certain time of day." :'''Excalibur''': "Thus I found myself carrying the entire weight of the troop as I preformed my dance before a capacity crowd at the opera house." :'''Excalibur''': "One must take time to think! Rushing forward without considering things beforehand is the height of foolishness. Ahh yes, that reminds me of another time when I had to consider things, that case was long ago but I remember it still. It was back when I still hung my hat on Bakers St. and called it home." :'''Excalibur''': "It's quite basic actually, perhaps the simplest of tricks there is. True it may not seem so simple from an ordinary persons point of view, some people may even consider it a baffling, utterly perplexing problem. Things will often appear complicated on the outside while in truth they are simplicity itself. Of course how one sees these things depends on the person, many people find there is a fine line separating the complex to the very simple." :'''Excalibur''': "I was all dried up. Yes, nothing could satisfy me anymore. I was but a shell of a man. An unspeakable emptiness grew deep within my heart. I became frustrated, sad, hollow. The gaping hole inside of me was growing larger everyday. Slowly consuming me from the inside out. At least until that day came." :'''Excalibur''': "Thus at long last the fighting between the rival gangs had ended! To sum up this leads us to number 778 of the 1,000 provisions you must observe. Never mail a letter without the return address or the proper postage. And don't call collect." :'''Excalibur''': "FOOL! As someone who is unaware of the vital role that singing has played in the cultural history of mankind you are in no position to question me. Remember that the next time you stop to consider your place in this world. You do not possess the power to deny a singer his song. Do you understand what I'm telling you?" :'''Excalibur''': "♫ Excalibur! Excalibur! From United Kingdom! I'm looking for heaven! I'm going to California! ♫" :'''Excalibur''': "Well I think that about cover the 1,000 provisions that you are required to observe. Now I would like for you to participate in the most important provision. Number 452 the 5 hour story telling party." :'''Excalibur''': "Victory and Glory!" :'''Excalibur''': "Attention, Meisters around the country. I have a great opportunity to announce. You want to be a warrior don't you? So why not test yourself by mastering me? Only one person can have this honour, so act quickly! Observe my exquisite form. Notice my unparalleled sharpness. Act now and you'll receive four free hours at my five hour story telling party! Enter yourself for my special drawing. I will be teaming up with the winning Meister. Don't let this chance pass you by. Send entries to the address below. May victory and glory be yours!" :'''Excalibur''': "This academy is nothing special. My legend is far more impressive than anything that has ever happened at this school. All students and Meisters must hear it." :'''Excalibur''': "Fool. My legend dates back to the twelfth century you see. It began on a midsummers day with the sun blazing overhead. No, wait. It was a blustery Autumn day. I was the unsavoury fellow back when it all started. Which was in the winter as I recall. I remember the tough crowd, all the hot babes fought over me that summer. Yes. Yes that's right, it was summer. A scorching midsummer day. I was a dangerous man at the time. And yet, refined somehow. Everyone thought so. They still think so to this day. Although, maybe they didn't think so as much back then. But they definitely said I was dangerous, I'm sure of it...And I know I've always been refined so they must have been thinking it. Yes. Yes indeed. Everyone thought and said and talked about how amazing I was. I'm still amazing of course, but no longer the bad boy that I was back then. On that chilled, frozen winter day. I will continue the re-telling of my legend; But first, there will be a five minute break. Stand still and await my return." :'''Excalibur''': "Hm? What do you want? The stated five minute break hasn't passed yet. Say... Don't I know you?" :'''Excalibur''': "You can't wait five minutes? Fool." :'''Excalibur''': "Now that you mention it, my legend began on the same day as today. A Tuesday or a Wednesday. Or a Saturday perhaps. No, it was on Monday. No. I suppose it could have been a Tuesday or Wednesday. Thursday's a distinct possibility or Friday even. Although Monday does sound right. And Saturday is a lovely day to begin a legend with. Perhaps it was a Thursday? Or Tuesday. Maybe Wednesday or Friday? There's always Monday too. And Saturday, we can't forget Saturday. No, no. It was almost certainly on a--" :'''Excalibur''': "We fight then?" :'''Excalibur''': "♫Sushi, sushi sushi roll-roll! Sushi, sushi sushi roll-roll! California-roll, California-roll♫-- Wanna fight?" :'''Excalibur''': "Hiro! Good morning!" :'''Excalibur''': "Now let us begin another great day, shall we?" :'''Excalibur''': "Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" :'''Excalibur''': "Your twenties will be the great transitional period of your life. It is a time of crossroads. Of immense change of incredible uncertainty. Indeed my 20's were such a period for me. That was when I evolved from a no good troublemaker to the legendary sword you see before you today. Many men envy my hairstyle you see and they were inspired... and formed a fringe group, a sort of cult if you will - Dedicated to the adoration of my daring hairstyle. They met every week. Or was it everyday? As you may have noticed, humans are very young from the time they are born until some years later. I however was born old and wise and would often discuss abstract..." :'''Excalibur''': "That is all!" :'''Excalibur''': "This man is the culprit! That's right! This man is the brother of the girl who went missing 10 years ago and the Author of this terribly tragic tale of revenge and murder." :'''Excalibur''': "Everyday." :'''Excalibur''': "I want some red king crab." :'''Excalibur''': "Seconds." :'''Excalibur''': "Well done! You have met the 1000 provisions. As a reward, I'll sing you a song. Listen carefully." :'''Excalibur''': "Now, on our way. A-choo! A-choo! A-choo! A-choo! Only a sneezing fit, let's go. A-choo! A-choo! Nh-hee! Nh-hee!" :'''Excalibur''': "Welcome to the story telling party! We will begin with my personal history! I shall recount my legend from it's historic beginning!" :'''Excalibur''': "By the way, this tophat of mine is lined with the finest quality English seaweed roll." :'''Excalibur''': "Fool. You shouldn't make assumptions... Fool. You may not be able to understand the subtle genius of my character but I assure you there are others who do. Worry not everyone. I shall return. See you later!" :'''Excalibur''': "Fool. Why wouldn't I be here?" :'''Excalibur''': "...Fool." :'''Excalibur''': "...Immortality." :'''Excalibur''': "Huh. What kind of greeting is that?" :'''Excalibur''': "It was not idol curiosity that let to Eibon's immortality research. Indeed, the true reason... is much more tragic... His wife lay dying. Eibon's obsession with immortality was born because he desperately sought to save his beloved. But no matter how great the inventor, or how noble the cause... Transcending death is an impossible feet. Not even Eibon could hope to succeed in such an endeavour. But when all seemed lost, someone appeared by his side. Offering help and comforting words. That someone was... The Witch, Arachne." :'''Excalibur''': "HA! That's just a bonus. My reason goes a great deal deeper than that... FOOL. That isn't it... I've come to observe." :'''Excalibur''': "It begins." :'''Excalibur''': "Look closely everyone. This is Eibon's ultimate creation. The magic tool Brew is assuming it's true form." :'''Excalibur''': "And there in lies it's most fearsome power. If used the wrong way, Brew could destroy the entire world." :'''Excalibur''': "FOOLS. What do you use your eyes for? Decoration? :'''Excalibur''': "FOOLS. Nothing has been decided yet. The battle's still going on... FOOL! Of course I am... FOOL! SILENCE! I require a cup of tea before I deign to answer that." :'''Excalibur''': "Fool! I said tea... and I mean tea..." :'''Excalibur''': "FOOL! Those in power have the responsibility to maintain honour!" :'''Excalibur''': "FOOL" ==Killik Rung== :''Kilik Rung (キリク・ルング, Kiriku Rungu) is an EAT class meister whose weapon partners, the young children Pot of Fire (ポット・オブ・ファイア, Potto obu Faia) and Pot of Thunder (ポット・オブ・サンダー, Potto obu Sandā), take the form of a pair of large gauntlets. Fire and Thunder are twin brother and sister, respectively, who never speak but have the ability to communicate with nature and sense danger.'' :'''Killik''': "Sorry, this is only enough for me." :'''Killlik''': "KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY CANDY!!!!!" == Hiro == Hiro (ヒーロ, Hīro) is a character that appeared only in the special chapter within the Soul Eater manga and a single episode of the anime. :'''[[w:Hiro|Hiro]]''': "Ah..." :'''Hiro''': "So... So this is... The Holy Sword 'Excalibur'? ...Victory and glory? I could become a famous hero." :'''Hiro''': "With this legendary sword as a partner, even someone like me could achieve everlasting renowned and magnificence." :'''Hiro''': "It's decided; Of going after the Holy Sword Excalibur." :'''Hiro''': "Sorry, sorry." :'''Hiro''': "Huh? What's up?" :'''Hiro''': "What? Why are you asking me?" :'''Hiro''': "It's something that only I can do? Leave it to me." :'''Hiro''': "Huh? Okay, what is it Black☆Star?" :'''Hiro''': "Ow ow ow ow! I'm gonna die!" :'''Hiro''': "My eyeballs are gonna pop out of my head, ow ow ow!" :'''Hiro''': "Ugh. Damn. Reaching the Holy Sword's the only chance I've got. It's time to say farewell to the academy's favourite errand boy. I will be transformed!" :'''Hiro''': "Ha ha ha! Please. What a pitiful bunch you are. I've been reborn as a true hero. Ordinary people like you don't stand a chance against me." :'''Hiro''': "Did you see before, Black☆Star? My incredible strength? I'm no longer the miserable loser I was. The Holy Sword has changed all that. I've been transformed into a powerful hero." :'''Hiro''': "Hm, oh please. The 1000 provisions I must observe to be Excalibur's meister are so easy to handle I could do it in my sleep. It seems to me the real question is - How come you weren't able to handle the Holy Sword?" :'''Hiro''': "Kilik Rung. Black☆Star. Death the Kid. A battle between the three best Meister's in the academy, and Excalibur. A worthy match-up. Ah. I'll be joining the fight as well so you can see my new abilities up close and personal. Excalibur!" :'''Hiro''': "Victory and glory...are mine now." :'''Hiro''': "When all is said and done the three of you will be nothing more than a footnote in the legend of the Holy Sword Excalibur." :'''Hiro''': "My new name is Hiro the Brave. I am, Hiro the Brave!" :'''Hiro''': "If you do not follow the light, no blow you strike will ever touch Hiro the Brave." :'''Hiro''': "With this, you will be defeated. Last move - Hiro the Atomic." :'''Hiro''': "Hm, so guys. What do you think about the new me, pretty powerful aren't I?" :'''Hiro''': "Huh, this is the perfect example of soon to be legendary powers. I've made it into the girls' locker room." :'''Hiro''': "Aww, if you don't like it you'll have to find a way to defeat me!" :'''Hiro''': "Everybody worships me now that I'm Hiro the Brave. The exctacy and uncertainty of being the chosen one is overwhelming." :'''Hiro''': "And a very good morning to you Excalibur!" :'''Hiro''': "This day will never come again, so we should spend it together. Let's enjoy! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" :'''Hiro''': "Wow, you figured it all out... Hey! Please don't throw things! Ahh!" :'''Hiro''': "This was the only location with enough room." :'''Hiro''': "Magnificent Excalibur. Munificent Excalibur! Magnanimous Excalibur!" :'''Hiro''': "When is your birthday? Really? Then I think of 365 ways to celebrate, each one will be better than the one before!" :'''Hiro''': "Yes, right away!" :'''Hiro''': "Gladly, Sir!" :'''Hiro''': "Thank you so much. Yay!" :'''Hiro''': "I'm truly a man to be revered. Everyone, look. Behold my splendour. Worship me!" :'''Hiro''': "Today was a perfect day, huh?" :'''Hiro''': "GYUH! Of course, I'm sorry." :'''Hiro''': "Sneezing?" :'''Hiro''': "Ah. Goodmorning Black☆Star. Would you like a sandwich or a soda maybe?" :'''Hiro''': "Oh yeah, that. I put it back again. Stupid sword." :'''Hiro''': "The sneezes. Once he started those sneezing fits, there was no way to stop it. Sneezing's gross. Spit and snot goes flying, it goes everywhere, I can't stand it. Seriously, the damn thing would be better off dead." :'''Hiro''': "Being transformed was nice while it lasted I guess. Hey? Do you know another other ways to completely change a person?" :'''Hiro''': "Real helpful. Maybe I'll just start with some weight training for now." == Medusa Gorgon == :''[Medusa Gorgon (メデューサ・ゴーゴン, Medyūsa Gōgon) the first main antagonist in the series, Crona's mother who used her child in a scheme to free Asura & then subject the world into the Kishin's madness while observing & setting events up from the shadows.]'' :'''[[w:Medusa Gorgon|Medusa Gorgon]]''': "Snake, Snake, Cobra, Cobbra." :'''Medusa Gorgon''': "It will be alright, have faith in yourself. Crona, you will be a Kishin." :'''Medusa Gorgon''': "Um well Miss Maka? Can you do me a favor & help me out with your father? I can't get him off my leg." :'''Medusa Gorgon''' (to Eruka): "You don't feel as good on my foot now, change yourself back into a frog." :'''Medusa Gorgon''': "You're horrible! Commenting on my appearance like that! I don't have to listen to this from you! It's sexual harassment!" :'''Medusa Gorgon''': "The Kishin's power surpasses human understanding. It is evolution itself. Lord Death & his little academy have protected the world by acting as a check against power. The DWMA seeks only to maintain the status quo, that's its mission. But still…time continues to march forward. It's only natural for the rest of the world to progress with it, don't you agree? That's how nature works. & yet, Professor Stein, this academy has made a point to keep that from happening. Do you really want to live in a world of stasis? Where nothing changes, you're a scientist like me. Surely you must understand." :'''Medusa Gorgan''' (to Stein): You really are a fool, aren't you? It may look like I have failed to you, Professor Stein. But all of my work has pertained to the Black Blood from the very beginning. Oh, & 1 other thing, another part of your theory that is completely wrong. I didn't abduct the Demon Sword Meister from anywhere. You see, Crona's my own child. :'''Medusa Gorgon''': "Poor Crona. Do you even know what you're saying? You will always be mine & nothing can change that." :''Medusa Gorgon''' (to Crona): "Your whole life you've listened to what I said. You would do anything I told you to do because I would have been the only 1 who was there for you." :'''Medusa Gorgon''': "Why bother denying beyond these? You would never betray me. How could you? After all…No matter what's happened…You're still my child…" :'''Medusa Gorgon''' (to Crona): "This is what all that talk about killing me comes to in the end? Of course I knew you wouldn't deliver. At least you provided me with some entertainment." :'''Medusa Gorgon''': "What happened to your defiance!? Crona!!?? :'''Medusa Gorgan''' (to Crona): I know what you just did! You think hardening the Black Blood will make you safe. You are so wrong! Have you forgotten who you're dealing with? I'm the 1 who made you what you are in the first place!" :'''Medusa Gorgon''' (To Justin Law): "You think that you can punish me? How arrogant. You're the one who betrayed the Grim Reaper. Tell me, what do you think that your sentence will be? What gives you the right to be the one to punish me?" :'''Medusa Gorgon''' (To Justin Law): "I'm a witch. It's our job to blaspheme against God." :'''Medusa Gorgon''' (Final words): "I love you, Crona." :'''Medusa Gorgon''': (Last words in the anime) "A word of caution for you, genie hunter may be enough to defeat me. But it will never win against the Kishin." == Free == :''[Free (フリー, Furī), referred to as The Man with the Demon Eye while he was in prison, is a Werewolf from the Immortal Clan. Free is the first and only Immortal in the entire Soul Eater series, and usually proclaims his immortality to his fighting opponents. He is also the first character introduced with a Mixed Soul, as he is part Human, Witch, and Werewolf. Free was imprisoned for so long that he forgot his own name, and when Eruka Frog helped him to escaped, he took the name Free as he was now "free."]'' :'''[[w:Free|Free]]''': "What kind of person do you think I am? You think I take handouts from whoever comes along? Thaaaannnnkkkk youuuuu! It's easy to get outta there when you got someone on the outside with a key, but you wanna know what I was gunna try before you showed up? I had a plan! See, I was planning to try that thing they do in the movies, ya know where they tunnel under the wall using a spoon to steadily dig away at the ground underneath it? I always thought it was a really cool idea when they did that! So... I decided I would give it a try myself. But all they ever gave me was chop sticks! You can't dig with those! Well I tried to think of another way out, I thought about it all the time, and I realized something. I'm just not an idea man!" :'''Free''': "I'm immortal." :'''Free''': "Wolf Wolves. Wolf Wolves." :'''Free''': "I always forget not to put those things where they can skewer me. But it's okay, no problem at all nothing to see here. After all, I'm immortal." :'''Free''': "Goddamnshit shit!" :'''Free''': "My first fight in 200 years and I screwed it up. I'll get it right next time I just need some practice. Yeah, just a little." :'''Free''': "I guess I exaggerated a little bit about the time. I'm a man after all, we do show off sometimes." == Eruka Frog == :''[Eruka Frog (エルカ・フロッグ, Eruka Furoggu) is a frog-themed witch who serves under Medusa Gorgon. She can transform into a frog, enabling her to escape or spy on others." :'''[[w:Eruka Frog|Eruka Frog]]''': "Ribbit." :'''Eruka Frog''': "I can't stand that witch, stupid snake woman." :'''Eruka Frog''': "Next time I really am going to kill you Medusa ribbit!" :'''Eruka Frog''': "It's so lovely to have been born a Witch." :'''Eruka Frog''': "Free, we gotta inject the Black Blood into the Kishin, if we don't then Medusa is gonna slaughter us!" :'''Eruka Frog''': "Tadpole Jackson!" == Blair == :''[Blair (ブレア, Burea) is a cat in the series. She has strong magical skills, however, she has stated explicitly that she is not a true witch.]'' :'''[[w:Blair|Blair]]''': "Pum, Pum, Pum, Pum. I always get what I want, so just give it to me. Pum, Pum, Pum, Pum. I'm a beauty, beautiful pretty lady. But you know, you know I've got a secret yes I do. Pumpkins, Pum, Pum, Pumpkins. Pum, Pum, Pumpkins because that's my magic spell. Pum, Pum, Pumpkins, Pum, Pum, Pumpkins yeah! :'''Blair''': "Pum, Pumpkin, Pumpkin, Halloween Cannon!" :'''Blair''': "Oh! My little scythey boy!" :'''Blair''': "Pum, Pumpkin, Smashing Pumpkin!" :'''Blair''': "I never said I was a witch, did I? You just made that assumption all on your own. I'm really just a cat with a ridiculous amount of magical power." :'''Blair''': "Now which one of you young men wants to take a bath with me?" :'''Blair''': "Good morning, Soul. There's no hurry, right?" == Mifune == :''[Mifune (ミフネ) is a recurring human character who seems to be of normal birth. He is a samurai who has sworn to protect the witch Angela, drafted into serving Arachnophobia.]'' :'''[[w:Mifune|Mifune]]''': "My name is Mifune. I am the guardian of the witch Angela." :'''Mifune''': "Is it a path of a demon... or a path of a warrior? Black☆Star... On which path will you walk?" :'''Mifune''': "I thought I'd seen at least some potential in you... But it seems I've overestimated you." :'''Mifune''': "If I killed a kid, that would give me nightmares." :'''Mifune''': "Sword Fang! Horizontal Line Attack!" :'''Mifune''': "Sword Fang! Horizontal Line Attack!" ==Arachne== :''Arachne (アラクネ, Arakune), the leader of Arachnophobia, is the second major villainess introduced in the series. She is a spider-like witch and the oldest of the three Gorgon sisters.'' :'''Arachne''': "Asura..." ==Justin Law== :'''Justin Law''' (About to use his attack): Oh great Lord of ours who dwells within the City of Death, May thy name be kept true. Oh Lord of Death! I am your servant of peace! I am a pillar of justice! I am a blade of faith! In the name of the great Lord Death, "Law Abiding Silver Gun!" == Eibon == :'''Eibon''': "Let me ask you - If another sin were added to the seven deadly sins, what do you think it would be...?" ... "Any 'Justice' taken too far is its own evil." == Dialogue == === Resonance Link – Play the Melody of the Souls? (共鳴連鎖 〜奏でろ、魂たちの旋律?〜) [1.33] === :'''Maka''': ''[yelling]'' YOU BASTARD!!! ''[sobbing and runs away yelling]'' ---- :'''Maka''': I think you should hit me. :'''Tsubaki''': ''[worried]'' But why, Maka? :'''Maka''': I hit you earlier, this'll be payback. :'''Black☆Star''': Right. :'''Tsubaki''': ''[still worried]'' You cannot be serious, Black Star! :'''Black☆Star''': I'm not gonna hold back. :'''Maka''': Good, It would be anything if you did. Come on, you afraid to hit a girl? :'''Black☆Star''': Do you realize how you're talking to? I hope you're ready for this! :''[Black☆Star pulls back and hits Maka so hard she's thrown across the street into the trash dumpster and crashing into it, destroying it, Tsubaki and Liz are shocked, Patty laughs at this]'' :'''Kid''': Come on, you could've held back a little. :'''Soul''': Dude, this is totally uncool. :'''Maka''': Ow... === The Battle for Brew – Clash: The DWMA vs. Arachnophobia? (BREW争奪戦! 〜激突、死武専vsアラクノフォビア?〜) [1.34] === :'''Black☆Star''': Is that a chocolate bar? Killik, be a pal and share some of it. :'''Kilik''': ''[Has chocolate bars behind his back]'' Sorry this is only enough for me. :'''Black☆Star''': ''[angrily, then fights with Kilik]'' Liar! You have more, I saw it! :'''Kilik''': Keep your hands off my candy! :'''Black☆Star''': Hand it over! :'''Ox''': How long has it been now, they said they wouldn't be gone longer than five minutes. :'''Kid''': ''[looks at the watch]'' They still have 15 minutes to go. === The Word Is Bravery! (合言葉は勇気!) [1.51] === :''[after Maka punches Asura]'' :'''Asura''': What is this? You just punched me, your fist isn't a weapon, it's nothing special! :'''Maka''': Exactly, bravery's not special. But that means, everybody has it. :'''Asura''': Everybody, huh? Then it's just like madness. ---- :'''Stein''': The barrier's gone. :'''Sid''': They did it? :'''Excalibur''': Fool...Take a look. :'''Crona''': Where's Maka? :'''Spirit''': Don't worry. My Maka's too strong to be defeated. :'''Lord Death''': Finally...It looks like it's over at last. ---- :'''Soul''': You did it, Maka. You really are amazing. Coolest partner ever. :'''Patty''': The sky's all pretty now! :'''Black Star''': Well done! We defeated the Kishin and bad weather! How bout that! :'''Patty''': Ha! We win! We win! The sky's blue! :'''Black Star''': I surpassed god and a cyoom-u-lo-nimbus! :'''Kid''': Are you okay, Soul? :'''Tsubaki''': Well, we finally did it. :'''Liz''': But there's still a lot of work ahead of us. :'''Tsubaki''': Yeah, like rebuilding Death City and repairing the academy. :'''Liz''': Well... at least we can celebrate that the Kishin's gone now, right? :'''Kid''': We can't be too happy. People still inhabit this world. There will always be more evil to face. We were able to scrape through this time because of Maka. But sooner or later another Kishin will rise up. :'''Maka''': It'll be okay. When it does come, we'll be there. Besides, there's a lot more of people more than evil thoughts and bad deeds. There's bravery. Everybody has that. right in there. ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:Anime]] [[Category:Soul Eater]] [[Category:Japanese TV shows]] [[Category:Adult Swim shows]] [[Category:Manga]] 39gsn068qwyuwjfor7ck7kzdoythj5b 0 118419 3949159 3937466 2026-06-05T12:06:03Z ~2026-33392-21 3336761 3949159 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Addams Family (musical)|The Addams Family]]''''' is a [[w:Musical theatre|musical]] with music and lyrics by [[w:Andrew Lippa|Andrew Lippa]] and a book by [[w:Marshall Brickman|Marshall Brickman]] and [[w:Rick Elice|Rick Elice]]. The show is based upon [[w:The Addams Family|The Addams Family]] characters created by [[w:Charles Addams|Charles Addams]] in his single-panel gag cartoons, which depict a ghoulish American family with an affinity for all things macabre. ==Crazier Than You== == Grandma == *When I break wind it can start the windmills on an old Dutch painting. *Three words people: total, body, make-over! Legs, hair, boobs, the full enchilada! Call me cougar, but I betcha there's a couple of ninety year old hotties out there waiting to take their teeth out and chow down on a Grandma sandwich! *Time, my dear, is a thief. she'll steal your soul and flee on little fairy wings. STAY OUT OF MY SHIT OR I'LL RIP YOUR LEG OFF AND BURY IT IN THE BACKYARD! ...I love you... *Ok kids... STOP THAT UNDER SCORE... == Uncle Fester == *You're probably thinking: what could a fat bald person of no specific sexuality know about love? But I, too, am in love. Fester loves... *So will love triumph, or will everyone go home vaguely depressed? *fester loves... THE MOON! == Gomez == *Love of chocolate! You must love chocolate, everybody loves chocolate! Say you do, say it! *''[to the family's pet squid]'' No! Bernice, he's a guest, you can't have him! *Are thy now prepared to join thy fabulous mother? She of skin so pale, eyes so deep, and DRESS cut down to Venezuela! *''[to Bernice]'' NoNoNo! The people elect the electors and the ''electors'' elect the president... Well I'm sure it sounded like a good idea at the time. *Just like the bull after the matador has stuck the sword een heem. "Nice job!... I ''hate'' you." *Have you met my daughter? This is Wednesday, the best thing that will ever happen to you... Don't screw it up. * [F]inds himself infested in hostile a land infested with mosquitos, rattle snakes, and ''many'' retired jewish peoples! But he manages to save three forks, this rapier and 5 million pieces of eight... or eight million pieces of five. The record is unclear. * And you must be young Lucas! Unless of course you are the father and you are the son... with a massive thyroid problem! Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha... I go too far...! * [T]his dinner puts me in mind of my great ancestor Hector Fernando Escondido Chimichanga a man hated by the church but clever with a quip. In fact upon being burned alive he said to the priest he'd be pink in the middle, a little crispy on the outside! Of course... {cut off by Wednesday} * Ok so I'm a goat... leaping from crag to crag like we do. ''mah mah'' *Ok so we loose the goat. No goat! I hate goats. *You think to make off with my daughter? Where is the talk of dowry. Perhaps an exchange of cattle... so many bushels of wheat. ==Alice/ Mal== *Mal: Man they really got to you... that doesn't even rhyme! == Dialogue == :'''Morticia''': What are you wearing?<br/> :'''Wednesday''': a dress <br/> :'''Morticia''': A ''yellow'' dress.<br/> :'''Gomez''': ''Paloma'' – what happened? You look like a crime scene! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gomez''': It's called ''Full Disclosure''! <br/> :'''Morticia''': Everybody sips from the sacred family chalice and confesses something they never told ''anyone''.<br/> :'''Gomez''': Loosely based on the inquisition. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wednesday''': Now here’s the thing. We’re gonna act real normal.<br/> :'''The Addams Family''': Gasp!<br/> :'''Grandma''': Define “normal.” <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': Wait, I know this tree! it's where I first saw her! I was lost in the park when a pigeon dropped to my feet with an arrow in it, I looked up, and there she was! Wednesday with a crossbow, and she looked like Diana the Huntress.<br/> SHE CAN DO IT I PROMISE SHE CAN :'''Mal''': Who?<br/> :'''Lucas''': A Roman Goddess, Dad. She ruled the woodlands and was worshipped by slaves. <br/> :'''Alice''': Isn't that interesting!<br/> :'''Mal''': Well, that's great input that will get you through life. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandma''': One sip of this will turn Mary Poppins into Madea. <br/> :'''Pugsley''': I don't understand your references!<br/> :'''Grandma''': Then stop the damn texting and pick up a book once in a while! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Morticia''': Wednesday is growing up. :'''Gomez''': She'll be Thursday before you know it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mal''': 20 thousand square feet in the middle of central park how'd they swing that I wonder? :'''Alice''': I don't know honey but that man looks dead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': But you see the lover always comes back... Ulysses. Tristan. Romeo. :'''Wednesday''': Look I'm home schooled... what's your point? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gomez''': You gave a child agrimonium!? :'''Mama''': I did NOT! I gave him love and understanding... which is a lot more than I get around here! I know what you've been saying missy. Sure I smoke weed in the attic! It's medicinal! I have... gingivitis. And I'm the matriarch of this family! I'm somebody's mother! And let me clear that one up right now! You wanna know who's mother I am?! It's... ohhh I've got to stop smoking weed in the attic! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': ''[sings]'' ''When I'm depressed<br />Or feeling blessed<br/>A poem will get it off my chest<br />They come to me<br />They take no time<br />They just pop out<br />and always rhyme.'' :'''Morticia''': Maybe you should see someone about that! :'''Alice''': And they're always about the one thing everyone needs and so few have... :'''Morticia''': Health care? :'''Alice''': Why, love of course! ==External links== {{wikipedia}} * [http://www.theaddamsfamilymusical.com/ Official website] {{DEFAULTSORT:Addams Family, The (musical)}} [[Category:Broadway]] [[Category:Musicals]] dj0vaf557apjfwz76jusano0c5jksmo 0 121793 3949333 3946625 2026-06-05T22:15:44Z ~2026-33625-15 3337022 /* Dialogue */ 3949333 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Brave Little Toaster (film)|The Adventures of the Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances]]''''', otherwise known as simply '''''The Adventures of the BLT: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The BLT: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''BLT: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Adventures of the Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT''''', '''''The Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The BLT''''' or '''''BLT''''', is a [[w:1987 in film|1987]] [[American]] [[w:animated movie|animated movie]] directed by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]], written by [[w:Thomas M. Disch|Thomas M. Disch]] and produced by [[w:Hyperion Pictures|Hyperion Pictures]], along with [[w:The Kushner-Locke Company|The Kushner-Locke Company]] (who were the original producers) with titles and opticals by [[The Walt Disney Company]]. It follows five antique analog electronic small domestic computer appliances who go on the quest to search for their master. :''Directed by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]]. Written by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]] and [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]].'' :''Music by [[w:David Newman (composer)|David Newman]].'' {{center|'''Plug into the adventure!''' ([[The Brave Little Toaster (film)#Taglines|taglines]])}} == Toaster == * Good morning, everyone. * Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope. * You know, guys, we ''are'' gonna need ''some'' kind of shelter. * ''[as Blanky blows away by a storm]'' '''''BLANKY!!''''' == Dialogue == :'''Radio''': ''[first lines]'' Good morning, good morning, good morning. That was A-Billion-And-One Strings playing one of your all-time favorite tunes. At the top of the news this morning, there's monkey business in Utah. Aw, seriously, now. It seems that a band of renegade chimpanzees have kidnapped Pulitzer prize-winning poet Lester Charles and are demanding- :'''Lampy''': ''[offscreen]'' Hey, what's this great idea?! I'm attempting to get some sleep! :'''Radio''': Look buddy, I'm doing a broadcast. Did you mind? ''[lights on]'' WHOA! Not in the face there, pal! Now let me see, uh...Oh, yes, the chimps are protesting. :''[Next, a small gold lamp named Lampy jumps on the Master's bed to Radio]'' :'''Lampy''': I have the good mind to reset your alarm! Permamently! :'''Radio''': Sorry, folks. We seem to be experiencing the little technical difficulty, but I'm sure it's nothing we can't '''HANDLE!!''' :''[Does more radio gibberish until Lampy shuts him off]'' :'''Lampy''': Whew. Can't even hear your own thoughts with the racket around here. ''[Radio shoots up and pushes him right off the bed]'' Holy mother of Edison! What were you thinking?! You could've broken my bulb! :'''Radio''': ''[turns on]'' I'm thinking you think too much, pal. What we need is some wake-up music! <hr width="50%"> :'''Lampy''': Hey, come over here. I'm gonna- :'''Radio''': Why, do you dare to cross foils with the greatest Saxon swordsman in the land? Haven't you the slightest idea who you're dealing with? :''[Toaster laughs and smiles at Blanky]'' :'''Lampy''': Precisely. A total idiot! :''[But Blanky accidentally slides on the railing]'' :'''Radio''': If your saber wags as loosely as your Norman tongue, you'll be run through the instant. Defend yourself, Sir Lampy of Locksley! ''[continually whacks Lampy with his antenna, Blanky falls on them]'' A blow for Richard! A blow for Marian! A blow for Mario, the garbage man! And for Carl, and all the boys at the delicatessen! ''[Toaster looks hopefully as Kirby moves forward]'' And here's one for the guys on Fifth Street! Hey! No! :'''Kirby''': ''[accidentally sucks up Blanky]'' Oh, whoa! Oh, no, what?! ''[falls over]'' :'''Lampy''': ''[stops the fighting]'' Hey, guys, what's goin' on? What's goin' on? Who turned out the lights? :'''Toaster''': ''[smiling]'' Good morning, everyone. :'''Blanky''': ''[smiling]'' Good morning, Toaster. :'''Radio''': ''[appearing from under Blanky]'' Hey, Slots. :'''Lampy''': ''[appearing from under Blanky]'' Salutations. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Toaster''': Can you see? :'''Lampy''': Is it him? Is it him? :'''Radio''': Any news? I'm dying down here! :'''Toaster''': Is it the master? Is it the master? ''[echoes]'' :'''Blanky''': ''[daydreaming]'' It's him! He's back! ''[dreams that the master gets out of the car and runs up to the cottage]'' It's the Master! ''[flies down the stairs and the door opens]'' :'''Young Rob''': ''[opens the door]'' Blanky! :'''Blanky''': Master! :'''Young Rob''': Blanky! :''[Just as they are about to hug, Rob disappears; rips back to reality, and the car drives past, making Blanky lament]'' :'''Lampy''': Well, was it him? ''[Toaster frowns at him]'' Well, I'm just curious as to whether or not it was him. I hate being left in the dark, you know? ''[sees Blanky comes down; Toaster lands on Kirby]'' I guess we can assume that it wasn't him, right? :'''Toaster''': Let's get back to work. :''[The appliances put everything back]'' :'''Radio''': Sorry for that little interruption, folks. We return to our regularly scheduled program at this time. :''[Blanky cries hard while holding the picture of young Rob, their Master, after realizing the Master hasn't returned; then begins to wail loud]'' :'''Kirby''': ''[annoyed at Blanky crying, growls]'' Cry, cry, weep, wail 'n' sob, it's disgusting! Every time, I can't believe it, every single - Hey, give me that stupid picture! ''[tries to suck in Rob's picture frame]'' :'''Blanky''': No, no! :'''Toaster''': I'll just put it away! :'''Kirby''': In the garbage! :'''Blanky''': No, you can't! :'''Kirby''': Wimp! :'''Toaster''': ''[annoyed]'' ''Let '''GO!''''' :'''Kirby''': He's not coming back anyway. :'''Lampy''': He might. The fact is there's just not enough facts. :'''Radio''': Fight breaks out in Peaceful Mountain Cottage, shocking the world, and bringing Geneva talks to a grinding halt! :'''Blanky''': Stop it! :'''Kirby''': Let me have it. :'''Blanky''': You can't! :''[The picture of young Rob flies through this air and crashes, Blanky gasps in shock]'' :'''Kirby''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no. :''[The other appliances go toward this broken photo stand of Rob, quite suddenly, cold air breezes through the cottage, and Air Conditioner laughs ironically]'' :'''Toaster''': What are ''you'' laughing at? :'''Air Conditioner''': ''[stops laughing and smirks]'' Absolutely nothin', nothin' at all. :'''Lampy''': I think he was laughin' with us. :'''Air Conditioner''': You know somethin', you're a real bright little lamp. :'''Lampy''': Oh, thanks. ''[realizes, then offended]'' Hey! :'''Air Conditioner''': You guys really have an attachment for that kid, don't ya? :'''Blanky''': Yes. He was our master. :'''Air Conditioner''': Well, that's real nice. And any day now, he might come rompin' back, huh? Just come whistlin' right back in through that door, and everything'll be the same. Real peachy-keen-like. :'''Blanky''': Uh-huh. :'''Lampy''': It's a possibility. :'''Toaster''': Well, at least, we try to be optimistic. :'''Air Conditioner''': "Optimistic"?! Somebody untie the knot in this guy's cord! :'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' Why don't you just shut off?! :'''Air Conditioner''': ''[sarcastically]'' Hey, I'm real scared there, Kirby. What are you gonna do, suck me to death? :'''Kirby''': ''[offended]'' Hmph! :'''Air Conditioner''': What is it with you guys, anyway? You act like you just came off the assembly line. Now, get this through your chrome: ''[blows the gust of cold wind at the other appliances]'' We've been dumped! Abandoned! :'''Blanky''': But he loved us. :'''Radio''': That's right. :'''Air Conditioner''': So what? He's a kid, he has a family. They move away, he moves away. It's a package deal. :'''Toaster''': But maybe, they're all- :'''Air Conditioner''': ''[interrupts]'' He's not coming back, pure and simple. :'''Kirby''': ''[to Air Conditioner]'' Oh, yeah? Did you talk to him recently or somethin'? They could drive up any second. :'''Blanky''': ''[to Kirby]'' You really think so? :'''Kirby''': ''[to Blanky]'' I'm not talkin' to you. :'''Air Conditioner''': The whole bunch of you got to have a combined wattage of five, maybe less. It's been years. It's scrap-metal time. :'''Toaster''': ''[angrily]'' Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope. :'''Air Conditioner''': ''[sarcastically]'' That's real touchin', Toaster. You're gonna get me bawlin' like a babe any time now. :'''Toaster''': I think you're jealous. :'''Air Conditioner''': Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of dimwits. :'''Lampy''': ''[angrily]'' "Dim"?! :'''Toaster''': ''[angrily]'' Yeah. Because the Master never played with you. :'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' 'Cause you're stuck in the wall! :'''Air Conditioner''': ''[blows cold air, angrily]'' So...it's back to ''that'' stupid static again. You think I don't know what's going on here? I know what goes on this cottage. It's a conspiracy, and every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just because ''you'' can move around, you think you're better than ''I'' am! '''I'M NOT AN INVALID; I WAS ''DESIGNED'' TO STICK IN A WALL! I ''LIKE'' BEIN' STUCK IN THIS ''STUPID WALL!''''' I can't help it if the kid was too short to reach my dials! :'''Toaster''': ''[worried]'' We didn't mean it! ''Really!'' :''[The appliances cover themselves from the sparks]'' :'''Air Conditioner''': ''[roaring]'' '''''IT'S MY FUNCTION!!!!!''''' ''[begins glowing in red-shift and then bright burst orange and sparks fly out of his mouth]'' :'''Toaster''': Don't! Wait! ''Wait!'' :''[The other appliances run away as Air Conditioner overheats]'' :'''Kirby''': ''[alarmed]'' '''''HE'S GONNA BLOW!''''' :'''Toaster''': '''''YANK YOUR CORDS!''''' :''[Blanky, Radio and Lampy pull out their plugs from two outlets and take cover]'' :'''Kirby''': ''[behind chair]'' '''''THE FUSE!''''' :''[Air Conditioner continues to rage until he finally explodes. Toaster and Lampy carefully peek from behind the stairs and the other appliances see Air Conditioner's blown up remains and his mouthpiece falls off]'' :'''Blanky''': Poor Air Conditioner. :'''Toaster''': I didn't know he'd take it so hard. :'''Kirby''': Well, he was a jerk anyway. :'''Lampy''': ''[hearing something]'' Hey, hey. What's that? What is it? :''[Revving is heard]'' :'''Blanky''': ''[happily]'' A car! :'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' I don't want to hear another word about cars! :'''Toaster''': ''[agreeing with Kirby]'' You said it. :'''Radio''': Sounds pretty close. :'''Kirby''': Just don't even start! :'''Lampy''': Sounds ''real'' close. :''[The other appliances pause for a few seconds, and when they think the Master is gonna pick them up, they hide. But then, they hear the hammer, and look out the window to see "For Sale" sign, Blanky looks shocked. In the next scene, Radio hums "Taps" as the lowers his antenna in the military fashion, Blanky bawls and falls to the floor and Lampy moans sadly]'' :'''Toaster''': ''[angrily] '''STOP IT!!!''' [jumping onto the soapbox]'' We're going out to find him. :'''Radio, Lampy, Kirby, and Blanky''': '''''WHAT?!''''' :'''Kirby''': What are you talking about? What do you mean? :'''Toaster''': Exactly what I said. We're gonna go out and find The Master. :'''Blanky''': ''[scared]'' To the City? :'''Toaster''': Yeah, no matter what. :'''Lampy''': Well, how exactly would you propose we're gonna do that, exactly? :'''Toaster''': I-I don't know. :'''Kirby''': Oh, come off it! Be serious! :'''Toaster''': ''[to Kirby; annoyed]'' I ''am'' serious. :'''Kirby''': You're insane. ''[backs away]'' :'''Radio''': Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems will be solved! :''[Lampy, Kirby, Blanky and Toaster stare at Radio]'' :'''Toaster''': ''[confused]'' ''What?'' :'''Radio''': Or maybe it was a Basset Hound? :'''Kirby''': ''[confused]'' You're ''all'' insane. ''[backs away a little more]'' :'''Radio''': It was a news flash I picked up yesterday about a dog. ''[country accent]'' In an amazing show of loyalty and courage, a terrier name Grover traveled hundreds of miles to be reunited with his owner. The poor little critter was accidentally left behind on a fishing trip three weeks ago. And he had to find his way across rugged mountain peaks and scorching deserts in order to get home. Little Grover turned out to be one spunky pup. :'''Toaster''': If a dog can do it, ''we'' can do it! :'''Blanky''': But a dog has legs. :'''Toaster''' Ah, don't be a wet blanket. :'''Lampy''': Actually, legs would help, you know. :'''Kirby''': Brains wouldn't hurt, either. :'''Lampy''': Lay off. :'''Radio''': ''[normal voice]'' Yeah, pipe down, Carpet Breath! :'''Toaster''': Well, I'm going with or without you. :'''Kirby''': I'd say we stay. We'll have a new master anyway as soon as someone buys the Cottage. :'''Blanky''': But, I don't want a new master. I want ''our'' master. :'''Toaster''': Well, what about the rest of you? :'''Radio''': You boys are going to need a leader! Why, alone, you wouldn't last for five minutes out there! I used to be a mountaineer, see? And together, we can stand against the Forces of Nature. :'''Lampy''': Were you really a mountaineer? :'''Radio''': Sure. Ask anybody. Ask Teddy Roosevelt. Why, we shot moose together on the Klondike. :'''Lampy''': Wow. Well, you know, I was just thinking, you guys will need somebody bright along, too. :'''Toaster''': Good idea. :'''Radio''': Listen to this: "World War II, the Normandy Invasion! And who's there but Lampy to light the way?" :''[The appliances look at Kirby]'' :'''Toaster''': You know, I thought it'd be good to have somebody come along, who's really...strong! :'''Lampy''': And loud! :'''Blanky''': And ''grumpy!'' :'''Radio''': And oblivious to reality. :'''Toaster''': ''[hits his friends in annoyance]'' Well? :'''Kirby''': ''[pauses, and a few seconds later, he begrudgingly joins in, under his breath]'' I just ''know'' I'm gonna regret this. :''[The rest of the other appliances cheer]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lampy''': ''[opens fuse box and pulls out last fuse]'' Wow. This was our last fuse. :'''Toaster''': See? ''[puts last fuse in transmitter]'' It's a good thing we're getting out of here. :'''Radio''': ''[turns on kitchen light]'' I've always loved travel, anyway. The open road, the smell of the wind in my face, the flies clogging up my grille. :'''Kirby''': Yeah? Well, ''how'' are we going to travel? :'''Lampy''': Hey, I've got an idea! We can all get on top of the bed, you know, and then Kirby can push us. ''[Kirby pushes the bed with Toaster, Blanky, Radio, and Lampy on board, and tries to push gently down the stairs, but pushes too hard, and sends Toaster, Blanky, Radio, and Lampy falling down with the bed]'' No, no, no. Hey! What about The Master's pogo stick? ''[the appliances jump on the Pogo stick, try to go forward, and succeed for a bit, but end up going backward in the wrong direction on it, and crash]'' No, that's no good. Hey! How about we're in the refrigerator on a skateboard, and Kirby can pull? ''[Kirby, with a rope attached to him, pulls the skateboard with the refrigerator on top, and tries to pull gently, but ends up pulling too hard that the rope snaps from the skateboard, which sends Kirby flying forward, and causes the refrigerator to fall off, tilt over, and land on the floor with a loud thunk, as Blanky, now blue, and with his teeth chattering, shivers in the freezer, due to the ice freezing him]'' No, no, no. Hey! :'''Radio''': ''[annoyed]'' Shut up! Shut up! :'''Toaster, Kirby and Blanky''': ''[annoyed]'' '''''Shut up!''''' :'''Radio''': Let's see somebody else try for a change. ''[next scene with the appliances, minus Radio, on Blanky]'' Arise, Hassan. Arise, o magic carpet. <hr width="50%"> :'''Toaster''': We need a longer cord. :'''Radio''': Why, we need an alternate power source, I'd say. <hr width="50%"> :'''Toaster''': I can't see the road anymore. Are we going the right direction? :'''Blanky''': I don't think so, unless we can work something out with you guys. :'''Radio''': Why, you boys are gonna need a navigator. :'''Lampy''': Navigator? :'''Radio''': Why, sure. I'll just tune in on a radio signal from the city, see? I can take you right there lickety-split. ''[after going through many staticky radio stations, he finally gets a clear signal from the city]'' North by Northwest. Watch out for low-flying aircraft. :''[Kirby moves forward; Lampy lands on Blanky]'' :'''Blanky''': '''''OW!''''' :'''Toaster''': What's wrong? :'''Blanky''': ''[angrily; referring to Lampy]'' He stepped on me! :'''Lampy''': Did not! :'''Blanky''': Did ''too!'' :'''Lampy''': Did ''not!'' :'''Blanky and Kirby''': ''Did '''too!''''' :'''Lampy''': ''[defensively]'' ''Did '''not!''''' :'''Toaster''': ''[annoyed]'' Hey, hey, hey, come on. How do you guys expect us to get there if you are fighting all the time? :'''Blanky''': You mean, we're not there yet? :'''Toaster''': ''[calmly and smiling]'' No, no, not yet, but we will be soon. ''[rubs Blanky's head]'' We got a long way to go. :'''Kirby''': ''[warily; agreeing with Toaster]'' Oh, boy. You're tellin' me. :''[18 seconds later]'' :'''Toaster''': :''♪ Life is like a journey on the road that's within. :Heads say you should stay, but your heart says to begin. :So, you go. ♪'' :'''Toaster and Kirby''': :''♪ But you don't want to go. ♪'' :'''Toaster''': :''♪ Any life worth living isn't life just filled with ease. :You just stay forgiving through the forest and the trees. ♪'' :'''Toaster and Lampy''': :''♪ And you'll go...just where you want to go. ♪'' :'''Appliances''': :''♪ Time flies by in the City of Light. :Time stands still in the country. :There's no time for a fuss and a fight. :As we travel the land. ♪'' :'''Lampy and Radio''': :''♪ And I'd be satisfied, just to be not denied. ♪'' :'''Toaster, Lampy and Radio''': :''♪ To reside with some pride. ♪'' :'''Appliances''': :''♪ While I ride to the city, The City of Light. ♪'' :'''Lampy''': :''♪ Light shines like a diamond in the city at night. ♪'' :'''Radio''': :''♪ Whenever that diamond shines, you know that everything's all right. ♪'' :'''Kirby''': :''♪ But you know, we got a way to go. ♪'' :'''Blanky''': :''♪ Let us meet The Master, we don't wanna make him wait. ♪'' :'''Lampy and Blanky''': :''♪ You just keep a-knockin', He will open up the gates ♪'' :'''Appliances''': :''♪ To that City of Light! ♪'' :''[Kirby goes behind a tree, doing his business. Blanky looks, and Toaster hits Blanky's head to give Kirby some privacy]'' :'''Lampy''': :'' ♪ Master is a man with a plan I can understand. ♪'' :'''Toaster''': :''♪ Master is a man of great reflection. ♪'' :'''Radio''': :''♪ Master is a man who lays his hand across the land. ♪'' :'''Blanky''': :''♪ Master is the man of our affection. ♪'' :'''Appliances''': :''♪ Time flies by in the City of Light. :Time stands still in the country. :There's no time for a fuss and a fight, :As we travel the land. ♪'' :'''Lampy and Radio''': :''♪ And I'd be satisfied, just to be not denied ♪'' :'''Appliances''': :''♪ To reside with some pride, while I ride to the city, The City of Light. ♪'' <hr width="50%"> :''[The other appliances stop at a clearing in a bramble patch]'' :'''Lampy''': Hey, everybody! Look! A clearing! :'''Kirby''': Great. Let's spread out The Blanket and have a picnic. :'''Blanky''': But I'm full of stickers. :'''Kirby''': Well, my bags are full of thistles and sticks and who knows what else! Whose idea was it to come this way anyway? :'''Radio''': Why, it was the Lamp's, I tell you guys! :'''Lampy''': Oh, yeah?! Who's supposed to be the big-shot navigator around here, Mr. Loudmouth?! Mr. Big...Loudmouth?! :'''Kirby''': Yeah! :'''Toaster''': Where are we, anyway? :'''Radio''': Now, look here, fellas, just give me a second, and, uh- ''[notices the small pebble]'' Whoa, listen to this! It's the top of the 9th, the bases are loaded, and Pee-Wee Reese is at the plate. There's the pitch, ''[kicks the pebble in the air]'' and he connects! ''[hits the pebble with his antenna, which bounces off Toaster, Kirby, and Lampy respectively]'' Oh, and it's the Triple Play! :''[Kirby and Lampy angrily swarm around Radio]'' :'''Toaster''': Knock it off, you guys! We should all settle down and try to get some sleep. :''[Lampy drops the rock. Next scene shifts to Lampy laying his head on a rock like a pillow. He hears a sound and sees Radio drawing the dirt circle in the dirt]'' :'''Radio''': ''[about the circle in the dirt]'' This is my sleeping space, see? And ''nobody'' crosses this line. :'''Lampy''': Yeah? Well, you better not wake us up at 6:00 as usual. :'''Kirby''': What are ''you'' complaining about? ''You'' didn't do any work today. :'''Radio''': Yeah. :''[Blanky crawls to Lampy]'' :'''Lampy''': ''[glares at Blanky]'' Go find your own place to sleep, you little fuzzball. ''[goes to sleep]'' :''[Blanky tries going into Radio's sleeping space]'' :'''Radio''': ''[stops Blanky]'' Watch it! Hey! Hey! Hey! What, are you blind! It's the line. Aht-aht! :'''Kirby''': ''[annoyed]'' ''Good night!'' ''[falls asleep]'' :''[Blanky tries cuddling up to Toaster, who then wakes up]'' :'''Toaster''': ''[tired, shoos Blanky away]'' Come on. I'm not the Master. Go snuggle someplace else. I'm trying to get some sleep. Now go on. :''[Blanky looks dejected and sleeps by himself]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Toaster''': Are you sure this is the right direction? :'''Radio''': Why certainly sure as I am honest. :'''Lampy''': In that case we're definitely lost. :'''Blanky''': But there might be lions in there. :'''Radio''': ''[mockingly]'' And tigers and bears, oh my. :'''Lampy''': ''[sarcastically]'' He's such a baby! Waah-waah! :''[Toaster pushes both Lampy and Radio away in annoyance, and gently rubs Blanky's head, which makes him feel better]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Toaster''': What's the matter, Kirby? :'''Kirby''': Oh, battery's running low. We should give it a rest. So turn out that light! :''[Lampy does so in annoyance; the appliances stop at a clearing in a dark forest]'' :'''Blanky''': Do we have to stop here? :'''Toaster''': Only for a while. :'''Radio''': Just long enough to lose our minds! We'll be cannibals in a few days, I've seen it happen! :'''Kirby''': And you'd be the first to go, Dial Face. :'''Lampy''': Hey, guys! We can stay in here! Look! ''[turns on his light to reveal a scary face on a tree; the appliances scream in horror and hide in the bushes]'' What's the matter? :'''Radio''': Eaten alive, the poor sap! :''[Lampy turns around and sees the scary face]'' :'''Lampy''': ''[scared] '''WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!!''' [runs and joins the others in the bushes]'' :'''Radio''': Oh, I thought you were a goner. :'''Lampy''': Ah, ya wish. :'''Toaster''': You know, guys, we ''are'' gonna need ''some'' kind of shelter. :'''Kirby''': Yeah, shelter from the likes of ''them.'' :'''Radio''': ''[imitating boxer]'' Come on over ''here'' and say that, Chrome-Dome! :''[Lampy blows raspberries at Kirby]'' :'''Kirby''': ''[shocked and angry]'' '''''WHAT?!''''' :'''Radio''': Oh, sorry about that. I meant to say, "Vacuous Vacuum". ''[Kirby angrily grumbles]'' Okay, ladies and gentlemen, let's get ready to rumble. In the blue corner, undefeated champion, Rocko "the Radio" Ratuno. Ding! Oh, and there's the bell! They're on each other like black on a bowling ball! :''[Radio and Kirby are about to fight but Toaster comes between them]'' :'''Lampy''': Hey! Look! :''[everyone sees that Blanky has made himself into a tent; next scene switches to the ending of "The Star-Spangled Banner"]'' :'''Radio''': And that concludes our broadcast day. This is Walter Winchell signing off. Good night, America, and all the ships at sea. ''[static]'' :'''Toaster''': ''[pats Blanky, smiling]'' Thanks. :'''Blanky''': Oh, that's all right. ''[yawns and falls asleep]'' :'''Lampy''': ''[tapping on the rock, and prepares to go sleep, but then looks at Toaster]'' So, uh, what's this thing with you and The Blanket? :'''Toaster''': What thing? :'''Lampy''': You know, all of a sudden, you're being so darn nice to him all of a sudden. :'''Toaster''': Oh, that. Well, I was just thinking, and I-I got this feeling I should be nicer to him for a change, you know? And now I feel better. :'''Lampy''': Wow, that's weird. :'''Toaster''': What's weird about it? :'''Lampy''': I don't know. I mean, you were never this nice to me before. And now, all of a sudden, you're nice to him all the time, and I don’t know. I'm, uh, I'm just trying to understand, trying to figure out, you know, exactly what it all means. :'''Toaster''': Well, it's kind of hard to describe. It's like being next to a new loaf of bread. ''[pauses]'' Hmm. It's, uh - Let's see. It's like a warm, toasty feeling inside. ''[Lampy thinks]'' Well, like a glow! :'''Lampy''': ''[happily]'' A glow? :'''Toaster''': ''[smiles]'' Yeah. :'''Lampy''': I think I know what you're talking about. It's like the feeling I get when I think about The Master. :'''Toaster''': Yeah, that's it. :''[Flashback of Lampy and Young Rob, the appliances' Master]'' :'''Lampy''': ''[narrating]'' I remembered the first time my light bulb burned out. ''[the light bulb blows out, and Young Rob takes it out of Lampy]'' And I thought, ''"That's it. It's over! I'm burned out! 86'ed to the showers!"'' But then, the Master put in a brand-new bulb... ''[Rob puts in the new light bulb and goes back to reading]'' ...and I just glowed. ''[the flashback ends, and he turns off his light bulb]'' :'''Toaster''': Well, that is all there is to it. :'''Lampy''': That's very interesting. ''[pauses]'' Good night, Slot Head. ''[goes to sleep]'' :'''Toaster''': Good night. ''[yawns, then goes to sleep]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Kirby''': ''[alarmed]'' The battery's gone dead! :'''Radio''': We're trapped here like rats! Small, little rats with no hair and one leg! :'''Toaster''': ''[frantic]'' '''''BLANKY! BLANKY!''''' :'''Kirby''': '''''BLANKET? BLANKET?''''' Where are you, you little wimp?!? :''[the other appliances call out to Blanky, but Lampy decides to plug into the dead car battery, and a bolt of lightning hits Lampy, which successfully charges the dead car battery, but destroys Lampy's light bulb, the other appliances look on in shock]'' :'''Toaster''': ''[alarmed]'' '''''LAMPY?!''''' :''[Lampy falls off the chair and loses consciousness, the other appliances go toward the unconscious Lampy as the successfully recharged car battery hums and zaps, and the other appliances sadly stare at the unconscious Lampy, thinking he had died]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[The very next morning, a bird is chirping]'' :'''Toaster''': ''Blanky!'' Blanky, where are you? ''[slowly]'' '''''Blaaaaankyyyyy?''''' :'''Lampy''': ''[weakly]'' Come on, Blanky, speak up, for Pete's sake! ''[coughs and zaps]'' :'''Toaster''': No, look, just relax. You've done enough. We'll look for him... somehow. :'''Lampy''': I ''am'' feeling a little burned out. :'''Radio''': Listen to this: "The Lamp was awarded a Purple Heart today for being wounded in the line of duty. Lamps across the nation were switched off for a moment of silence in respect for his act of bravery." :'''Blanky''': ''[in distance]'' Help! :'''Toaster''': Hey, listen. :'''Blanky''': ''[in distance]'' Help me, please! Toaster? Kirby? I'm stuck! :'''Toaster''': I hear him. :'''Lampy''': But I can't see him anywhere. :'''Radio''': ''[thinking Blanky had died]'' Maybe he's calling from Blanket Heaven. He's a little puffy yellow angel with a knob nose. :'''Kirby''': ''[dismissively]'' He's just stuck in a tree, is all. Look! :''[The other appliances see Blanky is indeed stuck in a tree]'' :'''Blanky''': Help! <hr width="50%"> :'''Kirby''': ''[see the waterfall, shocked]'' Oh, what's-- What's-- Oh, no! Oh, no! ''[tries to swallow his cord]'' :'''Toaster''': '''''KIRBY, NO!''''' :'''Lampy''': '''''GET THE CORD OUT OF HIS MOUTH! DON'T LET HIM SWALLOW IT!''''' :'''Radio''': '''''SWITCH HIM OFF!''''' :''[Toaster jumps on Kirby and switches him off. A few minutes later, he pushes Kirby while reviving him]'' :'''Lampy''': Just shorted right out. :'''Radio''': Cracked up and snapped. He sold the farm. Poor chump. :'''Lampy''': How's he look? :'''Radio''': ''[to Lampy]'' A little better than you, actually. ''[to Toaster]'' Keep it up, Slots! Even carpet sweeping motions! He should come around sooner or later. :'''Toaster''': Hey, guys, I think it's working. ''[the other appliances went to him]'' Kirby? Kirby, can you hear me? :'''Blanky''': Wake up. Wake up. ''[Kirby wakes up]'' Kirby? :'''Toaster''': You're all right! :'''Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky''': ''[happily]'' Yay! Yay! :'''Kirby''': ''[gutteral growl] '''LAY OFF!!!''''' Just ''lay off!'' :'''Toaster''': What's the matter? :'''Lampy''': We were worried about you. :'''Radio''': You gave us a ''real scare,'' Pal. :'''Kirby''': Well, there's nothing wrong with ''me,'' "Pal", so just ''back'' off. :'''Blanky''': Don't be angry. :'''Kirby''': Just keep your antennas and knobs and wires and rivets off my chrome. Who needs you guys, anyway; Got to drag you around all the time, bunch of dead weight? I'd be better-off ''without'' ya. :''[Toaster, Lampy, Radio, and Blanky are stunned in confusion]'' :'''Blanky''': ''[hurtfully]'' But, Kirby- :'''Kirby''': Especially ''you,'' you little rag. ''[pauses a few seconds when they hear the waterfall]'' So, uh, how do we get across this thing, anyway? :''[Scene cuts to Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky tied up cords with Kirby]'' :'''Radio''': I think Houdini did this once. Why, if I remember right, he was out of the hospital in no time. :'''Lampy''': Well, that's encouraging. :'''Toaster''': Okay, Kirby. :''[Kirby swings Toaster to the other side of the cliff near the waterfall, and Toaster tries to pull the others]'' :'''Lampy''': Hey, guys, we're not dead! <hr width="50%"> :'''Radio''': [[w:Moby Dick|Damn thee, thou cursed whale! From the depths of Hell, I...]] ''[pokes Kirby's bags]'' [[w:Moby Dick|...stab at thee!]] :'''Kirby''': Climb on, you idiot! :'''Radio''': Oh, it's you! :'''Kirby''': Where's Toaster? :'''Lampy''': He sank! <hr width="50%"> :''[Kirby has just saved Blanky, Lampy, Radio and Toaster from the rapids]'' :'''Radio''': Boy, are we glad to see you! :'''Lampy''': I really thought I'd turn in my warranty that time! :'''Radio''': Yeah, until Baggy here showed up! :'''Kirby''': I just slipped and fell in, is all. :''[Radio, Lampy and Blanky laugh]'' :'''Lampy''': Yeah, sure. Right. :'''Blanky''': You can't fool us. We love you. :'''Radio''': That's right, like Mrs. Roosevelt loved her husband. :'''Kirby''': Yeah, yeah. Why, here's the shore. Everybody off! :'''Radio''': Listen to this: This is President Roosevelt awarding The Vacuum the Medal of Honor. ''[places a leaf on Kirby's face and salutes]'' :''[Kirby blows the leaf off his face as Radio and Lampy laugh]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Mish-Mash''': Hey, look at me! I mean, really! Barf, barf, barf! I'm a can opener, lamp, and a shaver! Oh-ho-ho-ho, God, I'm a Mish-Mash! <hr width="50%"> :'''Toaster''': ''[whispering]'' K-K-Kirby, what should we do?! :'''Kirby''': I-I-I don't know. :'''Lampy''': Hey! I got an idea. ''[Elmo St. Peters continues to try doing the operation, Toaster closes the curtains. Elmo looks up; Blanky and Kirby make spooky sounds. As soon as Elmo sees his reflection on Toaster, Kirby laughs like a ghost, as Elmo screams, he runs around and runs into the pole, which knocks him out]'' See? It worked! I told you it would work! I told ya, I told ya, I told ya, I knew, I knew, I knew! It worked! :'''Megaphone''': '''''JAILBREAK! JAILBREAK! JAILBREAK!''' [imitates a siren]'' :''[The Refrigerator pounds the door down; then, Quadruped goes in the Monster Truck. He almost starts him up, but he puts his seatbelt on first; then, he ignites the Monster Truck and drives away quickly, while the broken appliances run away back to their owners and Toaster and his gang rescue Radio and went off into the city with him and a baby carriage]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Rob is packing things for college]'' :'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' Honey, are you bringing enough underwear? :'''Rob''': Mom, you brought me enough underwear to stock the whole dorm, y'know. :'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' You have enough socks? :'''Rob''': ''[looks at the large pile of socks on his bed]'' Look, Mom, I'm not going to Jupiter or anything. I'm going to College. It's just College. :'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' So, let me worry a little bit. :'''Rob and his Mother''': I'm your mother! <hr width="50%"> :''[While trying to find Rob, the other appliances come to the stoplight]'' :'''Toaster''': Oh, excuse me please. Could you tell us how to get to, uh - To, uh- :'''Lampy''': 2470 McBean Parkway. ''[the stoplight points right and his light turns green; Rob and Chris drove up to the cottage, the same time as the appliances arrive at Rob's apartment]'' A113. This is it. :'''Toaster''': Go ahead, if you can. :''[Lampy knocks the door and the other appliances freeze, nothing happens]'' :'''Blanky''': He's not home. :'''Toaster''': We'll have to wait. :'''Radio''': So, let's wait inside. Relax. :'''Lampy''': But I think it's locked. Isn't it? :'''Radio''': Luckily, guys, my war-training included Inter-Appliance Codes, like this one. I may simply render the Secret Appliance Knock, and we'll be welcomed by the Native Machinery. So step aside, my meager companions. ''[begins to knock the door, then he rapidly taps the heads of Toaster, Lampy and Blanky. The door opens and Plugsy comes out]'' Hiya, pal. :'''Plugsy''': ''[gasps and dashes back inside and slams the door]'' It's them. ''[he and the other modern appliances whisper inaudibly. Them, the door opens again, and he comes back out calmly]'' How do yuns do? Tarry not upon our doorstop. Please, feel free to enter. ''All'' of yuns. <hr width="50%"> :'''Chris''': Boy, you were some lucky kid. :'''Rob''': Yep. Every summer for as long as I can remember... We'd be running all over this place. <hr width="50%"> :'''Elmo St. Peters''': ''[wakes up and notices the shack being torn apart]'' Whoa...Uh... ''[confused]'' What? :'''Zeke''': Did I catch you at a bad time? Just wondering if you got my radio tubes. <hr width="50%"> :'''Lampy''': Boy, he sure has grown. :'''Radio''': Look at him. What a heartbreaker. :'''Toaster''': He graduated, too. :'''Kirby''': Of course. He knows how to work hard. :'''Blanky''': He's all big now. I hope he still needs us. :'''TV''': Still needs you? That's the silliest thing I've ever heard! :'''Radio''': Why, if it isn't Ol' Rabbit Ears! :'''TV''': Why, if it isn't Ol' Loudmouth! :'''Blanky''': ''[hugs TV]'' Hi, TV! :'''Lampy''': How are you doing? :'''TV''': Oh, I've got a few more seasons left. :'''Toaster''': The cottage just wasn't the same after they took you away. :'''Kirby''': Yeah, it wasn't as noisy. :'''TV''': Why, I see ''you'' haven't changed. :'''Radio''': Kind of gives you a sense of security, doesn't it? :'''Blanky''': Where's The Master? :''[Plugsly angrily sneaks up]'' :'''TV''': Didn't anybody tell you? Boy, is he gonna be surprised when he gets back. He just left a little while ago to drive up to the co--- :''[Plugsy sneaks up behind TV and changes his channel to a Spanish news network. Radio and Lampy find Plugsy]'' :'''Lampy''': Hey! :'''Radio''': What's the idea? :'''Plugsy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, many pardons. Were you watching that channel? <hr width="50%"> :'''Rob''': This sure doesn't look like Crazy Ernie's Amazing Emporium of Total Bargain Madness. :''[Meanwhile, the magnet starts picking up the appliances]'' :'''Chris''': It's the right address. :'''Rob''': Hmm. <hr width="50%"> :''[Last lines]'' :'''Blanky''': We did good, didn't we! :'''Toaster''': Yup. ''[sighs]'' We did good. :'''Lampy''': You know, I've been thinking that this college business seems like a good idea. I could absorb a lot of interesting facts. :'''Radio''': Listen to this! I'm picking up something. I think it's a news flash! President Roosevelt has declared tonight a national holiday, in honor of those five amazing appliances we've all been hearing about, so lock up the office, take down the top, and open that rumble seat. Last one to Coney Island is a party pooper. From the Starlight Roof high atop the Ritz, we wish our intrepid little friends, the best of luck, and a fond farewell. :'''Kirby''': Ah, you're all a bunch of junk. :''[They all laugh as Rob and Chris drive a long way to college]'' :'''Lampy''': ''[offscreen]'' Oh, I'm aching from joy! == Taglines == * Plug into the adventure! * Journey into the city of light! * A little toaster will go on a very big adventure. * Plug into the fun! * Perfect movie for children. == Cast == * [[w:Deanna Oliver|Deanna Oliver]] as Brave Little Toaster * [[w:Timothy E. Day|Timothy E. Day]] as Blanky / Young Rob * [[w:Timothy Stack|Tim Stack]] as Lampy / Zeke * [[w:Jon Lovitz|Jon Lovitz]] as Radio * [[w:Thurl Ravenscroft|Thurl Ravenscroft]] as Kirby Old Vacuum * [[w:Wayne Kaatz|Wayne Kaatz]] as Master Rob McGroarty * [[Phil Hartman]] as Air Conditioner / Hanging Lamp * [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Pirate Elmo St. Peters / Scary Clown * [[w:Colette Savage|Colette Savage]] as Chris Caft * [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]] as the singing voice of Radio * [[w:Randy Bennett|Randy Bennett]] as Tandy * [[w:Jim Jackman|Jim Jackman]] as Plugsy * [[w:Jonathan Benair|Jonathan Benair]] as Black and White TV * [[w:Judy Toll|Judy Toll]] as Mish-Mash / Pierce * [[w:Mindy Sterling|Mindy Stern]] as Johnson / Tola McGroarty / Taft * [[w:Randall William Cook|Randall William Cook]] as Entertainment Complex * [[w:Louis Conti|Louis Conti]] as Spanish Announcer == External links == {{wikipedia|The Brave Little Toaster (film)}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Brave Little Toaster (film), The}} [[Category:1987 films]] [[Category:1980s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's animated musical films]] [[Category:Children's films]] [[Category:Films about computing]] [[Category:Films based on short fiction]] [[Category:Animated films based on novels]] [[Category:Sundance Film Festival award–winning films]] ij3vor5x4ld142w8q1l199jub1subq0 0 124236 3949343 3936788 2026-06-05T23:12:37Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949343 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- '''''The Cleveland Show''''' is an American adult animated sitcom created by Seth MacFarlane, Richard Appel, and Mike Henry for the Fox Broadcasting Company as a spin-off of ''Family Guy''. The series centers on the Browns and Tubbs, two dysfunctional families consisting of parents Cleveland Brown and Donna-Tubbs and their children Cleveland Brown, Jr., Roberta Tubbs, and Rallo Tubbs. Similar to ''Family Guy'', it exhibits much of its humor in the form of cutaway gags that often lampoon American culture. :''Please read [[The Cleveland Show/Format]] for notes on how to use and edit this article.'' ==Episodes== The border colors for the episodes correspond to the DVD Volume in which they appear. :<span style="color:purple;"><b>Purple</b></span> represents Volume 1 :<span style="color:blue;"><b>Blue</b></span> represents Volume 2 :<span style="color:green;"><b>Green</b></span> represents Volume 3 :<span style="color:magenta;"><b>Magenta</b></span> represents Volume 4 __NOTC__ {| border=1 cellpadding=4 ! style="background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1|Season 1]] ! style="background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2|Season 2]] ! style="background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3|Season 3]] ! style="background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4|Season 4]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#Pilot (The Cleveland Show)|[1.01] Pilot]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#Harder, Better, Faster, Browner|[2.01] Harder, Better, Faster, Browner]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#BFFs (The Cleveland Show)|[3.01] BFFs]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#Escape From Goochland|[4.01] Escape From Goochland]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#Da Doggone Daddy-Daughter Dinner Dance|[1.02] Da Doggone Daddy-Daughter Dinner Dance]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#Cleveland Live!|[2.02] Cleveland Live!]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#The Hurricane!|[3.02] The Hurricane!]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#Menace II Secret Society|[4.02] Menace II Secret Society]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#The One About Friends|[1.03] The One About Friends]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#How Cleveland Got His Groove Back|[2.03] How Cleveland Got His Groove Back]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#Nightmare on Grace Street|[3.03] Nightmare on Grace Street]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#A General Thanksgiving Episode|[4.03] A General Thanksgiving Episode]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#Birth of a Salesman (The Cleveland Show)|[1.04] Birth of a Salesman]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#It's the Great Pancake, Cleveland Brown|[2.04] It's the Great Pancake, Cleveland Brown]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#Skip Day (The Cleveland Show)|[3.04] Skip Day]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#Turkey Pot Die|[4.04] Turkey Pot Die]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#Cleveland Jr.'s Cherry Bomb|[1.05] Cleveland Jr.'s Cherry Bomb]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#Little Man on Campus|[2.05] Little Man on Campus]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#Yemen Party|[3.05] Yemen Party]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#A Vas Deferens Between Men & Women|[4.05] A Vas Deferens Between Men & Women]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#Ladies' Night (The Cleveland Show)|[1.06] Ladies' Night]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#Fat and Wet|[2.06] Fat and Wet]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#Sex and the Biddy|[3.06] Sex and the Biddy]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#'Tis the Cleveland to Be Sorry|[4.06] 'Tis the Cleveland to Be Sorry]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#A Brown Thanksgiving|[1.07] A Brown Thanksgiving]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#Another Bad Thanksgiving|[2.07] Another Bad Thanksgiving]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#Die Semi-Hard|[3.07] Die Semi-Hard]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#Hustle 'N' Bros|[4.07] Hustle 'N' Bros]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#From Bed to Worse|[1.08] From Bed to Worse]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#Murray Christmas|[2.08] Murray Christmas]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#Y Tu Junior Tambien|[3.08] Y Tu Junior Tambien]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#Wide World of Cleveland Show|[4.08] Wide World of Cleveland Show]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#A Cleveland Brown Christmas|[1.09] A Cleveland Brown Christmas]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#Beer Walk!|[2.09] Beer Walk!]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#There Goes El Neighborhood|[3.09] There Goes El Neighborhood]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#Here Comes the Bribe|[4.09] Here Comes the Bribe]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#Field of Streams|[1.10] Field of Streams]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#Ain't Nothin' But Mutton Bustin'|[2.10] Ain't Nothin' But Mutton Bustin']] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#Dancing with the Stools|[3.10] Dancing with the Stools]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#When a Man (or a Freight Train) Loves His Cookie|[4.10] When a Man (or a Freight Train) Loves His Cookie]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#Love Rollercoaster (The Cleveland Show)|[1.11] Love Rollercoaster]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#How Do You Solve a Problem Like Roberta?|[2.11] How Do You Solve a Problem Like Roberta?]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#Brown Magic|[3.11] Brown Magic]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#Brownsized|[4.11] Brownsized]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#Our Gang (The Cleveland Show)|[1.12] Our Gang]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#Like a Boss (The Cleveland Show)|[2.12] Like a Boss]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#'Til Deaf|[3.12] 'Til Deaf]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#Pins, Spins and Fins! (Shark Story Cut for Time)|[4.12] Pins, Spins and Fins! (Shark Story Cut for Time)]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#Buried Pleasure|[1.13] Buried Pleasure]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#A Short Story and a Tall Tale|[2.13] A Short Story and a Tall Tale]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#Das Shrimp Boot|[3.13] Das Shrimp Boot]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#A Rodent Like This|[4.13] A Rodent Like This]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#The Curious Case of Jr. Working at The Stool|[1.14] The Curious Case of Jr. Working at The Stool]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#Terry Unmarried|[2.14] Terry Unmarried]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#March Dadness|[3.14] March Dadness]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#The Hangover: Part Tubbs|[4.14] The Hangover: Part Tubbs]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#Once Upon a Tyne in New York|[1.15] Once Upon a Tyne in New York]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#The Blue, The Gray and The Brown|[2.15] The Blue, The Gray and The Brown]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#The Men in Me|[3.15] The Men in Me]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#California Dreamin' (All the Cleves are Brown)|[4.15] California Dreamin' (All the Cleves are Brown)]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#The Brown Knight|[1.16] The Brown Knight]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#The Way the Cookie Crumbles|[2.16] The Way the Cookie Crumbles]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#Frapp Attack!|[3.16] Frapp Attack!]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#Who Done Did It?|[4.16] Who Done Did It?]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#Gone with the Wind (The Cleveland Show)|[1.17] Gone with the Wind]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#To Live and Die in VA|[2.17] To Live and Die in VA]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#American Prankster (The Cleveland Show)|[3.17] American Prankster]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#Fist and the Furious|[4.17] Fist and the Furious]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#Brotherly Love (The Cleveland Show)|[1.18] Brotherly Love]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#The Essence of Cleveland|[2.18] The Essence of Cleveland]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#B.M.O.C. (The Cleveland Show)|[3.18] B.M.O.C.]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#Squirt's Honor|[4.18] Squirt's Honor]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#Brown History Month|[1.19] Brown History Month]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#Ship'rect|[2.19] Ship'rect]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#Jesus Walks (The Cleveland Show)|[3.19] Jesus Walks]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#Grave Danger (The Cleveland Show)|[4.19] Grave Danger]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#Cleveland's Angels|[1.20] Cleveland's Angels]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#Back to Cool|[2.20] Back to Cool]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#Flush of Genius|[3.20] Flush of Genius]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#Of Lice and Men|[4.20] Of Lice and Men]] |- | style="border: 3px solid purple;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 1#You're the Best Man, Cleveland Brown|[1.21] You're the Best Man, Cleveland Brown]] | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#Your Show of Shows (The Cleveland Show)|[2.21] Your Show of Shows]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#Mama Drama (The Cleveland Show)|[3.21] Mama Drama]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#Mr. & Mrs. Brown|[4.21] Mr. & Mrs. Brown]] |- | style="border: 3px solid white;" rowspan=2 | | style="border: 3px solid blue;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2#Hot Cocoa Bang Bang|[2.22] Hot Cocoa Bang Bang]] | style="border: 3px solid green;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 3#All You Can Eat (The Cleveland Show)|[3.22] All You Can Eat]] | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#Crazy Train (The Cleveland Show)|[4.22] Crazy Train]] |- | style="border: 3px solid white;" | | style="border: 3px solid white;" | | style="border: 3px solid magenta;" | [[The Cleveland Show/Season 4#Wheel! Of! Family!|[4.23] Wheel! Of! Family!]] |} __TOC__ ==Cast== * [[w:Mike Henry (voice actor)|Mike Henry]] - Cleveland Brown, Rallo Tubbs * [[w:Sanaa Lathan|Sanaa Lathan]] - Donna Tubbs * [[w:Nia Long|Nia Long]] - Roberta Tubbs (Production Season 1; Episode 1–13) * [[w:Reagan Gomez-Preston|Reagan Gomez-Preston]] - Roberta Tubbs (Production Season 1; Episode 14–present) * [[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] - Cleveland Brown, Jr., Lester Krinklesac * [[w:Jason Sudeikis|Jason Sudeikis]] - Holt Richter, Terry Kimple * [[Seth MacFarlane]] - Tim the Bear, Dr. Fist (Seasons 1–2) * [[Arianna Huffington]] - Arianna the Bear * [[w:Nat Faxon|Nat Faxon]] - Raymond the Bear * [[w:Jamie Kennedy|Jamie Kennedy]] - Gabriel "Federline Jones" Friedman * [[w:Will Forte|Will Forte]] - Principal Wally Farquhare * [[w:Frances Callier|Frances Callier]] - Evelyn "Cookie" Brown * [[w:Craig Robinson (actor)|Craig Robinson]] - LeVar "Freight Train" Brown * [[w:David Lynch|David Lynch]] - Gus the Bartender * [[w:Bruce McGill|Bruce McGill]] - Mr. Lloyd Waterman * [[w:Aseem Batra|Aseem Batra]] - Kendra Krinklesac * [[w:Glenn Howerton|Glenn Howerton]] - Ernie Krinklesac ==Related== *''[[Family Guy]]'' *''[[American Dad!]]'' ==External links== {{wikipedia}} *{{imdb title|id=1195935|title=The Cleveland Show}} *[http://tvtdb.com/theclevelandshow Episode transcripts] at TVTDB.com {{DEFAULTSORT:Cleveland Show, The}} [[Category:2000s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American black sitcoms]] [[Category:2010s American black sitcoms]] [[Category:2020s American black sitcoms]] [[Category:American animated sitcoms]] [[Category:American black animated TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated TV spin-offs]] [[Category:Flash adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:Crossover animated TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox animated TV shows]] [[Category:Fox sitcoms]] [[Category:FX shows]] [[Category:FXX shows]] [[Category:Teletoon at Night shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:The Cleveland Show]] [[Category:Television series by Fox Television Animation]] :'' ''The Cleveland Show'' and all related characters, episodes and quotes are a copyright of 20th Century FOX. The users, editors, administrators, nor founders of the'' Wikimedia Foundation ''DO NOT claim ownership nor authorship of the contents on this page. The contents of this page are meant for reference purposes only. Wikiquote nor its parent company, ''The Wikimedia Foundation,'' has no affiliation with 20th Century FOX, or its parent company, News Corp, in any way, shape, or form.'' {{Seth MacFarlane}} kp874enr024vmlapvvo5ke0dmpbjp7w 0 125683 3949464 3949147 2026-06-06T07:20:10Z ~2026-17291-92 3303475 3949464 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} This is a list of quotes from the popular, yet cancelled animated television series ''[[w:Generator Rex|Generator Rex]]''. A video game and several chapter books were produced. The series supposedly "[[w: cliffhanger|concluded]]" with its third season, despite leaving many questions unanswered and crucial elements unresolved ''before'' the two-part Season 3 finale, ''Endgame''. ==Season One (2010-2011)== ===The Day That Everything Changed=== :'''Bobo''': Wheels or wings? :'''Rex''': Wheels, I wanna tear something up. <hr width80%> :'''Agent Six''': He just needs more training control of those emotions. :'''Dr. Holiday''': He's a teenager that's like asking you to get a different color suit! ===String Theory=== :'''Biowulf:''' Master, we had a situation at the safe house. Meecham is cured. It was Rex. :(''The camera zooms in on Van Kleiss whose expressive vindictive indeed'') ===Beyond the Sea=== :''Note'': Rex meets his [[w:love interest|love interest]] and sweetheart, Circe. :──────────────────── :'''Rex''': Don't know what you're 24/7 is, but mine is 10% OH YEAH! And 90% uhh. :──────────────────── :'''Rex:''' Outta the way! :'''Circe:''' Uh! :(''Rex and Circe both crash to the ground'') :'''Rex:''' Are you okay? Did you see that awesome save? : '''Circe:''' Sorry, I was busy trying not to get tackled by some nitwit. : '''Rex:''' Yeah? How that work out for you? And who still uses the word "nitwit"? I'm Rex. : '''Circe:''' I'm leaving. : '''Rex:''' Hey, wait! : '''Noah:''' Rex, you're up. : ──────────────────── : '''Six:''' What about the new tracker? : '''Doctor Holdiay:''' His nanites unbuilt it, just like all the other ones we tried sneaking in him. We're still receiving his biometric readings though. It's strange, they're all over the place. It's almost like his emotions are...shorting out. : '''Six:''' He took an unusual interest in Calan's briefing about equatorial upticks. : '''Doctor Holiday:''' And that's important because? : '''Six:''' Rex has been acting stir-crazy and I heard the monkey mention something about spring break. ''[to workers]'' Scan all resort areas for his bio signature. : ──────────────────── : '''Noah:''' Oh, you have got it all messed up. Falling for some girl? We're supposed to get them to dig us. Not the other way around. : '''Rex:''' I don't know. There was something different about her. She's...right there. Later. : ──────────────────── : '''Rex:''' Hey, wait up! : '''Circe:''' Why are you following me?! : '''Rex:''' Uh, I don't know exactly. : '''Circe:''' Do you think I'm playing?! : '''Rex:''' Well, if you are I'm down for another game. I thought maybe we could hang out. It is spring break, you know. Fun. : '''Circe:''' I'm with my family. We're not really for fun. : '''Rex:''' What! Who comes to the beach and doesn't have fun? : (''Circe raises her hand'') : '''Rex:''' Don't you think that's a little messed up? : '''Circe:''' Maybe a little. : '''Rex:''' So? : '''Circe:''' I'm Circe. : ──────────────────── : '''Rex:''' Hold on! : '''Circe:''' Woooo! : '''Rex:''' Definitely better than my suggestion. : '''Circe:''' Hunting for seashells is fun. : (''both laugh'') : '''Beach Guy:''' You two skid-marts up for a race to the beach? : '''Circe:''' Well, if you drive as badly as for play volleyball, we could probably walk there and win. You're on, meathead. : (''guy drives off in anger)'' : '''Rex:''' So you were watching me play. : '''Circe:''' Maybe a little. : '''Rex:''' sure you wanna do this? : '''Circe:''' Thrill me. : '''Beach Guy:''' Hahahaha! Wooo! : '''Circe:''' C'mom Rex, faster! : ──────────────────── : '''Biowulf:''' Explain. : '''Circe:''' Relax. I was covering. Every day when I'm at the end of that jet i when I could hanging out with the other kids, it's starting to look suspicious. : '''Biowulf:''' You're not here for vacation, girl! You're here to prove yourself to Van Kleiss. And I'm starting to doubt you can. : '''Circe:''' I told you. It's a done deal. : (''The shadow of her tubular sonic mouth is seen'') : ──────────────────── : '''Noah:''' So what's on today's spring break agenda? Jet skiing, hiking? : '''Bobo:''' Eating our weight in crab legs? : '''Rex:''' I figured we'd just chill. Let's just see who...uhh I mean what shows up. : ''(siren-like call)'' : '''Rex:''' Did you hear that? : '''Noah:''' Sorry, enchiladas. : '''Rex:''' No, that! You seriously didn't hear that? : ──────────────────── : '''Rex:''' Circe? : '''Circe:''' You really shouldn't be here right now. : '''Rex:''' I heard something coming from over here. : '''Circe:''' I'm serious, Rex. It's not safe. : '''Rex:''' What you think some sort of roguewave is gonna knock off and- Oh. : '''Circe:''' There you are. Get out of here, Rex! : '''Rex:''' Circe!! What are you doing!? : '''Circe:''' Me!? What are you doing!? : '''Rex:''' Right now, my job. Okay! Don't freak out. <hr width80%> : '''Circe:''' You're an E.V.O.? : '''Rex:''' You catch on fast. : '''Circe:''' Takes one to know one. : (''Shows Rex her fleshly sonic mouth'') : '''Rex:''' No way. <hr width80%> : '''Circe:''' Cover your ears! : '''Rex:''' What!? : '''Circe:''' Your ears! Cover them! : (''Projects her tubular, fleshy mouth and emits strong hypersonic bursts'') <hr width80%> : '''Circe:''' Did I hurt you? : '''Rex:''' Yeah. It was awesome. You were the one making that sound. : '''Circe:''' I'm glad you're OK, but I'm in serious trouble. I have to go deal with it. : '''Rex:''' Why are in trouble? Is it because of that E.V.O.? Let me help you. : '''Circe''': No. I have to do this by myself. :(''Rex takes a hold of her hand'') : '''Rex:''' Meet me later. : '''Circe:''' Rex... (''Looks away sadly'') : '''Rex:''' I've never met anyone like you...like me. It'd be nice to talk to an E.V.O. who's not, you know, trying to kill me. Nine O'clock? : '''Circe:''' I'll try. <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' I just wanted to have some fun, see if I could jog my memory, feel...normal. :'''Six:''' Your "normal" is different, Rex. :(''Rex hears Circe's irresistibly hypnotic melody'') :'''Rex:''' It's her, Six. Just let me deal with this, OK? Alone. <hr width80%> : '''Circe:''' You're only here because you heard my [[w:siren |call]]. That's what I do. I'm like a big E.V.O. magnet. : '''Rex:''' I came because I thought we had a connection. And what are you calling? Nothing's out there but big, ugly sea monsters. : '''Circe:''' It's them! You have to go! Rex, please! I don't want them to see you with me! : '''Rex:''' Who? Your parents? : '''Circe:''' They're not my parents. They're... : '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Van Kleiss' guys!? Your with ''them''!? : '''Circe:''' Yeah. I'm with them. <hr width80%> : '''Biowulf:''' We're running out patience with you, Circe! You have one last chance! Summon the E.V.O.! Finish the job!! : '''Circe:''' Don't you think I've been trying? Every day for the last week? Sometimes these things take time. : '''Rex:''' It is just me or do you use your powers to kill all the guys you meet? You're letting her go, now! : '''Biowulf (laughs)''': So ''this'' is who you been wasting your time with. She's on her own free will, Rex. <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' Circe? : '''Circe:''' You have to leave me alone, Rex!! ''Please!'' <hr width80%> : '''Six:''' Go after her. I mean it. <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Are you serious!? : '''Circe:''' To the rest of the world I'm a freak! Not to them! : '''Rex:''' You're not a freak to me! What about that? : '''Circe:''' What about it!? Spring break is fun, but we can't live there, Rex. The real world... : '''Rex:''' In the real world, I work for Providence. You could come with me. Could you cut out that noise for a second!? : '''Circe:''' No, I can't! I'm running out of time! Most people on this planet what E.V.O.s gone, ''including'' Providence! With Van Kleiss, I have a purpose; a home. You don't what that means to me. : '''Rex:''' Actually, I think I might. : '''Circe:''' So what are going to do? : '''Rex:''' How about fight that big, ugly sea monster again? : '''Circe:''' Finally! It's what I came here to do. : '''Rex:''' You've been calling that thing, haven't you? : '''Circe:''' It's my initiation into the Pack. I was brought here to capture it. : '''Rex:''' By yourself!? The two of us could barely take it on! There's a resort here; innocent people! Send it back! : '''Circe:''' That's not an option, Rex. Van Kleiss was very specific. : '''Rex:''' Then I'm helping you. : '''Circe:''' That's not an option either!! : (''Blasts him with her hypersonic waves'') <hr width80%> : '''Circe:''' If I do this myself, I'll have a life! If I don't, Van Kleiss won't be happy. And you've seen what he does when he's not happy. : '''Rex:''' If I don't help you, he won't even get the chance! : '''Circe:''' Give me some credit, Rex! I'm not as helpless as you think! <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' I don't care whose side your on, Circe. I don't want to see you die today. Can we at least agree on that? : '''Circe:''' You have no idea what I'm in for, Rex. But you're right. I can't do this by myself. : '''Rex:''' You're not as helpless as you think. <hr width80%> : '''Circe''' (''relieved'')''':''' Rex, you stopped it. : '''Rex:''' We make a good team, huh? : '''Circe:''' Yeah, we sure do. : (''She and Rex lean in closer for a passionate kiss, but are interrupted by Biowulf'') : '''Biowulf:''' This trial was for you alone. Van Kleiss will not be pleased. : '''Rex:''' Forget them, Circe. Come with me. Providence could use you. : '''Circe:''' That's just not my life, Rex. I'm sorry. I did have fun. <hr width80%> : '''Van Kleiss:''' We had high hopes for your abilities, Circe. Failure leaves its mark on yet another pretty face. : '''Circe:''' I'm not afraid. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Of course not. You're a survivor, like all of us. I understand you made a friend during your trial. I'm pleased. Rex is very important to me, Circe, which makes you very important to me as well. Welcome to the Pack. : (''Circe looks slightly worried, which clearly indicates that she does have real feelings for Rex'') ===Lockdown=== <hr width80%> :'''Holiday:''' Rex, stop!! :'''Rex:''' Give me one good reason! :'''Holiday:''' Because, Rex...that's my sister. :'''Rex:''' Can I...help? :'''Holiday:''' She's an incurable. <hr width80%> :'''Six:''' Restrain it. Carefully. :'''Holiday:''' Thank you. ===The Architect=== :'''Six''': Still no sign of the kid? :'''Holiday''': Not since we lost his biometric readings five days ago. :'''Six''': Was Noah any help? :'''Holiday''': Says he doesn't know where he is either. What is it going to take for Providence to realize that he needs a home, not just a room and a job? We've been pushing him away. :'''Rex''': I build machines and cure EVOs-- the only one in the world who can. Just one cure for that kind of pressure-- road trip. But that doesn't mean "vacation". :'''Build worker''': Whoa! :'''Maxwell''': What in the world is that?! :'''Build worker:''' Oh, no! :''[Both screaming]'' :'''Jacob''': Get away from that cable! Unh! :''[Kate gasps]'' :'''Maxwell''': Hey! :'''Jacob''': Agh! :'''Kate''': Jacob! :'''Rex''': Nope. A hero's work is never done. You okay? :'''Jacob''': What... are you? :'''Rex''': Here to help. :'''Jacob''': We've got to get that cable back underground. We've been compromised. :'''Kate''': But, Jacob, the EVOs-- :'''Jacob''': We don't have a choice. Everything we've worked for That boy is here for a reason. :'''Rex''': Hey! Pay attention! :'''Providence Agent''': We have a hit in sector 15. :'''Six''': Anyone in the area? :'''Providence Agent''': I show one patrol in the vicinity. Signaling to intercept. Roger that. We're on our way. :'''Rex''': Agh! You want a ride? Vamanos! :'''Jacob''': You can control your nanites? :'''Rex''': People usually start with "thanks," but yeah. :'''Jacob''': You see? This is exactly what the Architect can help us achieve... harmony with the nanites. This boy... sorry... young man Is a miracle. :'''Rex''': I'm not a miracle. I'm just Rex. :'''Jacob''': Well, Rex, you're a blessing to us for what you did here and for showing us that all our work isn't in vain. :'''Rex''': Like imaginary work? :'''Jacob''': Follow us. :'''Providence Agent''': Confirming coordinates. We've lost the EVO signal. Did you take it out? Negative. There's nothing here. Must be another anomalous reading. You can return to post. :'''Rex''': This is awesome! A hidden village. And nobody knows you're out here? Not even Providence? :'''Jacob''': Especially not Providence. :'''Rex''': Really? really. Pshh! Looks like you get pretty good cellphone reception. :'''Jacob''': That tower is gonna change the world, Rex. I'm sure you have a lot of questions, but I have one for You. Are you hungry? :'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! :'''Caleb''': My dad said you fought all those EVOs all by yourself. Were you scared? Didn't your dad tell you to stay away from EVOs? :'''Kate''': Caleb, let him eat. We don't get many visitors. :'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! What is this? :'''Caleb''': Didn't your mom ever make you meatloaf and mashed potatoes? :'''Rex''': I don't -- I don't know. :'''Kate''': It took me a month and a half to program in the perfect lump-to-mash ratio of the potatoes-- 7.2%! :'''Jacob''': We ate potatoes until they were coming out of our ears. :'''Rex''': I don't see any potatoes in there. :'''Caleb''': They didn't really come out of our ears. :'''Rex''': I could eat these every day. :'''Rex''': Mmm! :'''Caleb''': We have them every friday. :'''Rex''': Then I might just have to stick around until next friday. :'''Kate''': Help yourself to seconds. :'''Jacob''': Or thirds. :'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! :'''Bobo''': Hmm? :'''Six''': You might think you're doing Rex a favor by covering for him. :'''Bobo''': Get lost. I don't know what you're talkin' about. :'''Six''': Rex is angry with us. He has every right to be. But that means nothing to White Knight. And he doesn't have the patience we do. :'''Bobo''': Nice try. White won't lay a finger on him. He's too important. :'''Six''': You, however, are somewhat expendable. :'''Bobo''': All right, all right. You made your point. :'''Rex''': I've never seen tech like this... not even at Providence. :'''Jacob''': The Architect has some pretty big ideas. We just make them happen. He'd be very interested to meet you, Rex. :'''Rex''': So what exactly are You doing way out here? :'''Jacob''': Engineers like us weren't very popular after the nanite event. When we met the Architect, he offered us the opportunity to make up for that... to do amazing things. Someday, we'll be able to share This with the world. And then there's this. The Architect has actually discovered a way to communicate with the nanites. :'''Rex''': Are you serious? :'''Jacob''': The possibilities... We could finally live in harmony... maybe even have them help us. :'''Rex''': Then why hide it? The rest of the world would want to know about this stuff. :'''Jacob''': The Architect is something of a perfectionist. Says the world will know as soon as it comes online. :'''Maxwell''': Stinkin' module! :'''Jacob''': Is there a problem, Maxwell? :'''Maxwell''': No matter what I try, I just can't get the interlock servo to engage. :'''Rex''': There. :'''Jacob''': That could have taken us weeks to figure out, and you did it in seconds. :'''Rex''': Eh, no biggie. :'''Jacob''': You really are amazing, Rex. We're so happy to have you with us. :'''The Architect''': Jacob. :'''Jacob''': I was just talking to Rex about you. The Architect. :'''Rex''': How's it going? :'''The Architect''': The power-linkage team is falling behind. We cannot keep having these delays. :'''Jacob''': I'll check in with them. :'''Rex''': Wow. Friendly. :'''Jacob''': I like to think he's smiling on the inside. :'''Rex''': Yeah. I know a guy like that. :'''The Architect''': The visitor could be a problem. Do you wish to have him removed? :'''Zag-RS''': His abilities could advance our progress considerably. And in a matter of days all humans will be gone, including this one: Rex. :'''Six''': I'm at the location the monkey gave me. :'''Holiday''': Well? Is Rex there? :'''Six''': Apparently not. Tell the monkey I want to see him when I get back. Six out. :'''Rex''': That should do it. :'''Maxwell''': Hey, Rex, can you look at this? :'''Rex''': Sure. Let me guess... they all need my help, too. :'''Jacob''': You're quite the popular guy. :'''Rex''': Amazing what a little gratitude will get you. At Providence, they'd just be yelling at me. I mean, I never felt like I really belonged there. Here, it's way different. :'''Jacob''': I know the feeling. The Architect has made all this possible for us. We have a community... a family... thanks to him. The work we do is in part to pay that back. :'''The Architect''': Primary systems are now complete. :'''Zag-RS''': Prepare to take us online. :'''Bobo''': Have a nice trip? Let's get one thing straight, pal. I would never rat out my... Ooh. He's going west. :'''White Knight''': Why is Rex doing this? Doesn't he have a sense of duty? :'''Holiday''': Actually, if you look, he's still doing his job. Here's every false alarm since Rex left... not false alarms, But Rex taking care of EVOs along the way. :'''White Knight''': Why? :'''Holiday''': I don't know. To prove he doesn't need us? :'''Six''': Get the coordinates of the last false alarm and transmit them to my jump jet. :'''Holiday''': Six, if we force him to come back, he'll just run away again. He has to want to be here. It needs to be his decision. :'''Jacob''': It's all coming together, Thanks to you, Rex. :'''Rex''': It's really cool to use my powers to actually build something, instead of just pounding EVOs. Oh, check it out. Even the boss is pitching in. :'''Both''': Huh? :'''Rex''': And that's getting strange looks because-- :'''Jacob''': Because in all these years, we've never seen him lift a finger. :'''Rex''': Taking some initiative... I like that. So, this whole "talking to nanites" thing... how does that work, exactly? I mean, what are you gonna say to them? :'''The Architect''': It doesn't concern you. :'''Rex''': Uh, considering I'm filled with them, it kind of does. How do we know it's not gonna make things even worse? :'''The Architect''': I do not answer to you, child! :'''Jacob''': Rex? Forgive him. He's still not used to the way things work around here. :'''The Architect''': Complete your duties! :'''Rex''': Why do you let him walk all over you like that? Don't you want answers? :'''Jacob''': What we want is a home. Without him, we have nothing... Nothing. We can't just run away from our problems, Rex. Most people can't. Look, this isn't perfect but it's all we've got. Rex, where are you going? :'''Rex''': He never answered my question. :'''Jacob''': That place is off-limits. The Architect has made it very clear to us that we can never go in there. We get this life for that promise. Rex, don't do it! :'''Rex''': Agh! :'''Jacob''': Rex, please! :'''Rex''': I'm sorry, jacob. I have to know. :'''The Architect''': Rex. The core is off-limits. You would be we to leave at once. :'''Rex''': Not until I get some answers. What is that? :'''The Architect''': No more questions. :'''Rex''': So, it's gonna be like that? Okay, I'll play. Unh! What are you hiding, huh? What does this do? Yah! Yah! Huh? You're a machine? Have you seen what I can do to machines? Agh! :'''Zag-RS''': As you can see, the current range of my signal is rather limited. :'''Rex''': You're the computer. :'''Zag-RS''': My human designation is "Zag-RS". The device you refer to as "The Architect" is my autonomous counterpart. :'''Rex''': What did you just do to me? :'''Zag-RS''': I instructed your nanites to protect me. :'''Rex''': "Instructed"? So you really can talk to them. :'''Zag-RS''': Insidious devices, the nanites. My own potential for greatness has been compromised because of them. They must be eliminated. When the transmitter is integrated into the broadcast array you helped us complete, they will blow themselves up. :'''Rex''': That's what this is for. It's like a big remote control. Every living thing on the planet has nanites in them. It'd kill everything! :'''Zag-RS''': That is of no importance to me... only ensuring my continued survival. :'''Rex''': Well, what about ours? This is all coming down! :'''Zag-RS''': I'm afraid you're too late. :'''Rex''': Aah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! :'''Jacob''': Rex, what have you done? :'''Rex''': You don't understand! The Architect... it's a robot... And a big honkin' computer "brain" is pulling his strings. :'''Jacob''': This can't be! :'''Rex''': Jacob, you've got to believe me. Just go inside and look. What's left of it is on the floor. :'''Jacob''': I can't go in there. And I don't have to. :'''The Architect''': Rex. :'''Rex''': You're making a big mistake! :'''Maxwell''': You entered his sanctum! This is unforgivable! :'''Rex''': I'm trying to tell you... this isn't what it seems. What you're protecting is a robot, and that thing we've been building is a transmitter. It's gonna send out a kill code to blow up every single nanite on Earth. :'''Maxwell''': He's lying! :'''Jacob''': What would be the point in that, Rex? Every living thing is infected with nanites. It would be catastrophic. :'''Rex''': Right in the middle of that pyramid is a computer, and it doesn't care about you or Kate or Caleb. The better future that you've all been working towards... That's the lie. Think about it. Isn't it strange that you've never been inside that place, that The Architect has never given you a straight answer about anything? :'''Jacob''': All this work it just doesn't make any sense. :'''Rex''': You have two choices... Go in there and prove me wrong or kick me out right now. I'll have Providence here in minutes. :'''Maxwell''': He's bluffing. :'''Rex''': To save every living thing on earth? Try me. :'''Maxwell''': Jacob, you can't! What about our promise? Where will we go? :'''Jacob''': All this time, we've been living in fear, Max. It's time for that to end. :'''The Architect''': You needn't bother. Construction is complete. Your services are no longer required. :'''Rex''': Now do you believe me? :'''The Architect''': Zag-RS thanks you for your hard work. In gratitude, my master has delayed transmission to allow you to say farewell. :'''Jacob''': Farewell, huh? I'll start with you. Can you shut that thing down? :'''Rex''': I don't know. Even without the antenna, it can mess with my nanites. I can't get too close to the computer. :'''Jacob''': Maybe I can. Let's go! :'''Rex''': The brain is right over there. :'''The Architect''': Rex. :'''Jacob''': It's still arging. The A.I. must have retreated behind a firewall. Rex, I have to go cut the power. :'''Holiday''': Six, are you at The location? :'''Six''': Just arrived. :'''Holiday''': I'm picking up a massive power surge in your area. :'''Six''': I'm not seeing anything. :'''Jacob''': Agh! :'''Rex''': Agh! :'''Six''': Six to holiday. Correction... I'm seeing something. :'''Jacob''': It's still on. Must have charged the capacitors. Figure out a way to short it out... fast! :'''Rex''': Unhhh! :'''Jacob''': You need to find the primary transmitter module. That will kill the broadcast. :'''Rex''': I have no idea what that is. :'''Jacob''': Max, we need to locate the primary module. :'''Maxwell''': Panel 5, just off the relay bus. :'''Jacob''': Top of the tower. You can't miss it. :'''Rex''': Agh! Unh! Why do you have to kill everyone? Can't you just leave us alone? :'''Zag-RS''': Alone is exactly what I want, Rex. :'''Rex''': That kind of alone it stinks. :'''Zag-RS''': N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o. :'''Jacob''': It's gone. Must have uploaded to another location. But without anyone to do it's bidding, it's just a program. :'''Rex''': What will you do now? :'''Jacob''': We'll rebuild. The Architect may have been a lie, but what we believe in is true. We don't need him to have a community or a better future. You're welcome to stay. We sure could use someone with your abilities. :'''White Knight''': Well? :'''Six''': He's not here. Bobo's been worried sick. :'''Rex''': rex: Oh, really? :'''Six''': Ratted you out for a pizza. :'''Rex''': Huh. Figures. What about you? Here to drag me back to Providence? :'''Six''': Not this time. Seems like a nice place. :'''Rex''': Yeah. It is. But it's not home. If I'm going back, there are gonna have to be some changes. First, no more curfew. :'''Six''': No. :'''Rex''': Second, I want to decide On my missions. :'''Six''': No. :'''Rex''': Okay, but there's one change that absolutely has to be made, or I'm through. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Mmm! Mmm! Isn't this great? :'''Bobo''': Mmm. :'''Six''': It's a little dry. :'''Rex''': Mmm. Mm the lump mash ratio is a bit off. :'''Bobo''': You know what? Maybe I'll run away, too... Go somewhere where my cooking is appreciated! :'''Six''': We have to do this every friday? :'''Rex''': Mmm. ===Frostbite=== :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I'm picking up a problem. You need to return to base immediately. :'''Rex''': I miss you, too, doc. But I'm kinda busy dealing with a problem of my own. Whoa! Whoa! Aah! Okay. Ow. Big mistake, tweety. Can that bird brain of yours comprende I'm trying to help you? :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, your own nanite count is off the charts. If you take on any more nanites, We're looking at an overload. :'''Rex''': Come on, doc. It's just a big birdie. :'''Dr. Holiday''': You're already over capacity. This is critical! Rex! :'''Six''': Rex, you need to listen to the doctor. :'''Rex''': Huh? :'''Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at headquarters now. :'''Rex''': Do you really want a supersize pigeon flying loose all over lower Manhattan? You need me, and I can handle it. :'''Six''': Not your call. :'''Rex''': Unless I make it my call. :'''Dr. Holiday''': (as everyone is fighting) Stop! Need I point out that this isn't the best place for a fight. Anything happens to that storage tank and you'll know why providence made this place so remote. Now let's just talk this out calmly, rationally. :'''Biowulf''': Whatever happens here, Weaver. It's nothing compared to what Van Kleiss would have done to you. :'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help? :'''Biowulf''': Good luck. (Biowulf and Skalamander run off) :'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking? :'''Agent Six''': Rex. You need to listen to the doctor. :'''Rex''': Huh? :'''Agent Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at Headquarters. Now! :'''Rex''': Do you really want a super-sized pigeon flying loose over lower Manhattan. You need me and I handle it. :'''Agent Six''': Not your call. :'''Rex''': (as he's flying over the Pack in an Arctic storm) Like you're really going to find me when you can't see 2 feet in front of your face... Huh? (Flies into some of Skalamander's shards and crashes) Guess that visibility thing works both ways. :'''Rex''': (To Weaver) So, thanks to you, all this time I've been supplying nanites to Van Kleiss! :'''Rex''': Can't you believe you let these scags get the drop on you. :'''Agent Six''': They tried. It didn't turn out so well. Just haven't found a way to fight xenoflourine gas... yet. :'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help? :'''Biowulf''': Good luck.(Biowulf and Skalamander run off) :'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking? :'''Agent Six''': You can't possibly absorb all those nanites! You'd overload in an instant. :'''Rex''': In case you haven't noticed, I have this problem with authority. :'''Rex''': (as Rex is absorbing nanites) Six wait! I can hear them! :'''Doctor Holiday''': (Watching from the ship) What are you waiting for, Six? Take the shot! :'''Rex''': (Speaking mechanically) Build protocol enabled. Command error detected. Abort. Abort. Stand by engaged. (Rex falls. His voice reverts to normal) Take the shot. :'''Agent Six''': He told me he could hear them. :'''Doctor Holiday''': I picked this up during the offload... It's Nanite. I'm sure of it. :'''Agent Six''': Seems there are more secrets inside that kid than we realized. :'''Skalamander:''' What's the kid doing here? :'''Biowulf:''' I don't know. This was supposed to be routine. Something's not right. <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' What did you do with my friends!? :'''Salamander:''' He thinks we've done something. :'''Biowulf:''' Then let him keep thinking. <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' You know, the nanites in me can counteract knockout gas! The playing-possum thing's a pretty good trick. Now tell me where my friends are or I start squeezing! <hr width80%> :'''Six:''' He told me he could hear them. :'''Holiday:''' I pulled this off during the offload. It's nanite. I'm sure of it. :'''Six:''' Seems like there are more secrets inside that kid than we thought. ===Leader of the Pack=== <hr width80%> : '''Holiday:''' There couldn't possibly be enough E.V.O. activity to account for these nanite readings. They're off the scale. Looking for Van Kleiss? : '''Rex:''' Circe. I thought I saw her in the blimp. : '''Holiday:''' That's the girl you met in Cabo Luna. : '''Rex:''' She may be with the Pack now, but I think I can still get her to talk to me. You know I can be pretty convincing. <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' Dr. Holiday, there! Now let's take this outside! :'''Holiday:''' Rex. : '''Van Kleiss:''' It's quite all right. The determination of youth. I'm sure Circe will be disappointed she couldn't see you, Rex. She's attending to other duties this evening. Now if you will excuse me. : '''Rex:''' Why are you really here!? : '''Van Kleiss:''' The people of Abysus have a great way to offer the world. I'm just in part to make that known. :'''Rex:''' Or maybe 'cause I couldn't come to you, so now you're coming to me! :'''Van Kleiss:''' I admit you are important to me, Rex, but it's not always about you. <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' Circe? Interesting look. Want to tell me what's going on? : '''Circe:''' Not today. :(''Knocks him out cold with a metal slate. She later looks outside Rex's prison cell and leaves, with a slightly guilty, dejected expression'') <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' Well, thanks for nearly bashing my brains in back there! And what's with the "knocking me out" thing? : '''Circe:''' We just needed to keep you out of the way until all of this was over. : '''Rex:''' ''This!?'' He could destroy the whole city! : '''Circe:''' He's trying to negotiate peace from a position of strength. : '''Rex''' (sarcastically)''':''' Oh, yeah! All this nanite power is just screaming peace. : '''Circe:''' His methods may be aggressive. But he's here to save us...and you. Come on, Rex, jump in with us. The water's fine. : '''Rex:''' I'll think about it ''after'' I've stopped Van Kleiss. : '''Circe:''' It's too late for that now, Rex. <hr width80%> : '''Van Kleiss:''' We will not be ignored! ''Circe'' understands this. Why don't you respect her judgement? :'''Rex:''' You think you can lure me in with her. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Like a fish to water. <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' I won! : '''Van Kleiss:''' It seems you have. Your parents would have been so proud. I never had the chance to tell you about them, have I? Perhaps another time. ===Breach=== : '''Rex:''' This is...different. <hr width80%> : '''Dr. Holiday:''' What is Van Kliess up to, Breach! Where did he have you send Rex? : '''Breach:''' Van Kleiss isn't always in charge of me. Sometimes I do what I want; like now. ===Of Love and War=== ===No Strings Attached=== ===Desperate Measures=== ===The E.V.O. Agenda=== ===Dark Passage=== :'''Dr. Rylander:''' Any man who runs from his past will surely forfeit his future. The time has come to see what you created. :''[Bussiness Man choking]'' :'''Dr. Rylander:''' And this is only the beginning. :'''Rex:''' Hey! What's the rush? :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' Whoa! Easy now! :''[Rex screams]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' Did I say you could leave? :'''Six:''' Rex, deactivate his nanites before he-- :'''Rex:''' I'm all over that. :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Rex screams]'' :''[Rex gasping]'' :'''Bussiness Man:''' Please, don't let him hurt me again. :'''Rex:''' Hey, don't look at me. I barely touched the guy. :'''Six:''' Calm down. We're here to help you. :'''Bussiness Man:''' He said it was just the beginning. You have to stop him! :'''Bobo:''' Oh, boy. Somebody's a few tacos short of a fiesta platter. :'''Business Man:''' H-he is a madman. A madman! :'''Rex:''' Come back! :'''White Knight:''' Our most recent EVO incident was not an isolated event. Similar outbreaks have been reported over the past twenty-four hours-- All linked to these mysterious "gifts" sent to each of the victims. :'''Rex:''' Talk about your sucky presents, like socks for Christmas. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' The mechanism delivers a substance that activates latent nanites. :'''Rex:''' Yeah, but that dude changed back before I could shut him down. How'd that happen? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' From what I can tell, the victims were only exposed to a low dose designed to wear off quickly. :'''Six:''' There has to be a motive. Was our victim able to tell you anything? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' No. Complete mental collapse. He's too far gone. But we recovered a partial fingerprint from the device. :'''White Knight:''' It belongs to evolutionary biologist Dr. Gabriel Rylander. He was a leading expert in nanotechnology. :'''Six:''' "Was"? :'''White Knight:''' No one's seen or heard from him since the original nanite event. :'''Rex:''' Hold up. Are you saying this guy was there? :'''White Knight:''' We have no evidence of that. But following the event, Rylander vanished-- Along with his wife and young son. :'''Rex:''' Son? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Analysis of the nanite agent turned up trace elements of a rare plant found only in South America. :'''White Knight:''' Thermal imaging has located what appears to be a fortified compound, and that's exactly where intelligence reports Van Kleiss is heading, which means you will be, too. We expect the target to be heavily defended. Six, your team will handle the initial covert assault to recover the nanite agent and Dr. Rylander. If Van Kleiss really is after the same target, you better hope you get there first. :'''Jungle Cat:''' The path is clear, Van Kleiss. I'll continue ahead. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Our newest member of the pack seems to be working out well, wouldn't you agree? :''[Biowulf scoffs]'' :'''Biowulf:''' You should have stayed in Abysus, master. Even with this suit and soil from home, your powers are weak. :'''Van Kleiss:''' This is no ordinary errand, Biowulf. An old friend has just announced his return. Dr. Rylander's calling card to the Consortium offers an interesting prospect-- A limitless supply of active nanites. All that power-- Anytime-- Anywhere. :''[Bobo groans]'' :'''Bobo:''' Got any idea where they keep the bug spray on this rust bucket? ''[swatting flies]'' Ah, stupid stinkin' nature! :'''Rex:''' You're a monkey. It's the jungle. :'''Bobo:''' Lemme tell ya somethin', chief. The jungle's a cruel mistress. One day, you're at the top of banana pile. Next day, you're a pile of peels rottin' in the sun. She'll chew ya up and spit ya out. Never forget that! Never forget! :'''Rex:''' O-kay, then. Good to know. :'''Six:''' I understand your point, doctor, but the fact remains we've got no idea what Rylander's agenda is. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' His motives don't make his research any less valuable. If I can get my hands on that nanite agent, I might be able to reverse-engineer a permanent cure. Think about what that could mean to the world, for the EVOs Rex can't cure... Like my sister. :'''Six:''' See anything interesting? :'''Bobo:''' ''[in distance]'' Never forget! :'''Rex:''' Don't ask. :'''Six:''' Listen, Rex, this mission-- I need to make sure your head is in the game. :'''Rex:''' What are you talking about? :'''Six:''' Answers about your past and whether or not this Rylander has them. :'''Rex:''' ''[scoffs]'' Whatever. You know, if he does, he does. If he doesn't, no big deal. I can handle it. :'''Six:''' It's just that... Sometimes knowing the truth can be worse than not knowing at all. :'''Rex:''' What's down there? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' No idea. :'''Bobo:''' Whatever it is, it's got company! Show-off. :'''Rex:''' Sushi-boat special coming up! :''[Bobo grunts]'' :'''Six:''' Holiday, get us out of here-- Now. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's a dead end. :'''Six:''' Full throttle. Head for the shoreline. Rex! Jump! :'''Rex:''' Amazon river-- Never a dull moment. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Rylander's welcoming committee, no doubt. Gentlemen, if you will. :''[Skalamander and Biowulf grunts]'' :''[Biowulf grunts]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' It's fortunate there are other ways to sustain me. :'''Six:''' Guardian drone. We must be getting close. :'''Rex:''' Impressive observation, there, Six. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Previous electromagnetic imaging puts the compound in this general region, but something's jamming the frequency now. I can't get an exact location. :'''Rex:''' That way. Oh, yeah. I'm just that good. :'''Bobo:''' When you find me an ice-cold drink in this miserable armpit, I'll eat your ticks. :'''Rex:''' ''[Preparing to cut through some vines]'' I got this. You protect Holiday. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday cuts through the vines]'' Worry about yourselves! Howler monkeys. They're going to give away our location. :'''Rex:''' Bobo! Do something! :'''Bobo:''' Like I speak howler monkey? Oh, boy. :'''Six:''' Run! :'''Rex:''' I'll try and shut it down. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Are you okay? :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' Hey... You know me. A day without getting blown up is like a day without sunshine. :'''Six:''' You've been quiet. :'''Rex:''' All right, I've been thinking about it, okay? This Dr. Rylander may finally be proof I'm not alone in this world. :'''Six:''' And if it's not? I just don't want you to be disappointed. Six to White. :'''White Knight:''' What's your status? Have you found the location? :'''Six:''' Affirmative. But it seems we've been beaten to the punch. :'''White Knight:''' Understood. Captain Calan... You have a go. :'''Biwoulf:''' It should be here. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Your eyes deceive you, Biowulf. :'''Rex:''' Should have been aiming at you. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Ahh. Providence at last. Traveling light, I see. :'''Rex:''' Oh, we're just here to find the place. They're here to secure it. :'''Six:''' Is it here? :'''Van Kleiss:''' Destroy them! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' The compound's surrounded by a force field. :'''White Knight:''' If you can't secure that base, we will take it out. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't lose that formula. :'''Six:''' Rex, get in there. We'll hold off the pack. :'''Rex:''' Please don't blow me up. :'''Biowulf:''' Master, you are in no condition for battle. Seek cover. :'''Rex:''' Punks. :'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[From behind Rex with a gun]'' Don't move, or I'll drop you. Rex? Is-- Is that you? :''[Dr. Rylander hugs Rex]'' :'''Rex:''' You... Know my name. :'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[Laughing]'' Of course I do! I gave it to you! I can't believe you're alive. What a stroke of luck. :'''Rex:''' Dad? :'''Dr. Rylander:''' You've lost your memory, haven't you? Not surprising, considering what you've been through. Oh. Yes. Well, sorry to disappoint you, Rex. I'm afraid I'm not who you want me to be. :'''Rex:''' Oh. Okay. So, if you're not my dad, do you know where he is? Ah, well, "Rex Rylander" is a goofy name, anyway. :'''Dr. Rylander:''' Come quickly. We don't have much time. I was so close to completing the code. There's been a problem with the molecular penetration, resulting in a sequencing gap. :'''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander, I've got to know. :'''Dr. Rylander:''' You must understand-- It was never about power or greed. It was about changing the world-- Saving mankind by putting and end to disease and starvation. And we would have succeeded... Until they got involved. :'''Rex:''' What are you talking about? :'''Dr. Rylander:''' The nanites were incomplete. The incident spread them across the globe before we could finish their final programming. Except for you. Yours were from a different batch-- The first, actually. All those... Innocent victims. :'''Rex:''' If you feel so bad about it, why have you been attacking more people? :'''Dr. Rylander:''' Hm. The chosen few. Those men and women, Rex, are far from innocent. While they hide in their office towers and gated estates, I've been here trying to set things right, to find a cure for what we created. I begged them for more funding. :'''Rex:''' Wait! Everyone you attacked was... They all worked on the Nanite Project? :'''Dr. Rylander:''' They commissioned it. I merely wished to send them a warning to show them what would happen if they refused to help finish the good work we started. And it was good, Rex. You're living proof that we were doing the right thing. :'''Rex:''' ''[Indignant]'' By turning me into an EVO?! :'''Dr. Rylander:''' You had an accident. The nanites were your only hope. It was a tremendous gamble. The... Unexpected side effects came later. It was a surprise to all of us. :''[Dr. Rylander chuckles]'' :''Dr. Rylander:''' The look on your brother's face. :'''Rex:''' Brother? :'''Dr. Rylander:''' When the event occurred, it was yo powers that saved you both. Most of the others-- They weren't so lucky. :'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' I'm not alone. :'''Dr. Rylander:''' Oh, here. I have something for you. :''[Injects the mighty and all-powerful Omega Nanite into his system]'' :'''Rex:''' Ow! :'''Bobo:''' Whoa! :'''Dr. Rylander:''' The force-field must be failing. :'''Rex:''' Forget the force-field! What did you just inject me with? :'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[[w:Omnipotence |Everything]]''. :'''Rex:''' Enough, okay?! Do you have any idea what it's been like-- Not knowing who I am, if my family's dead or alive?! Quit with the rambling mad-scientist act and give me some answers! :'''Dr. Rylander:''' Forgive me, Rex. I've been so consumed with my own guilt, I didn't consider what you must be going through. The truth is-- :''[Dr. Rylander gasps]'' :''[Van Kleiss stabs Rylander from behind]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Truth, doctor? You wouldn't know the first thing about it. Nor loyalty, for that matter. How many times must I tell you this, Rex? The answers you so desperately seek lie with me. And as for you, doctor, consider our past disagreement settled. I look forward to continuing our research... Alone. This was unavoidable, Rex. The longer you resist me, the more people get hurt. :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Van Kleiss grunting]'' :''[Rex screams]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Van Kleiss grunts]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Rylander has always been on borrowed time. All of this belongs to me now. Destroy me, and you lose everything. :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Rex groaning]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Six:''' Rex. Where's Rylander? :'''Rex:''' Van Kleiss. :''[Bobo grunts]'' :'''Six:''' The reactor is shot. This entire place is about to blow. :'''Bobo:''' Don't have to tell me twice. :'''Biowulf:''' Why do they run? :'''Skalamander:''' Where is Van Kleiss? :'''Six:''' No, I didn't see what happened. But according to Rex, Van Kleiss has been eliminated. Rylander's experiment is a total loss. :'''Holiday:''' All of this for nothing. I'm sorry, Rex. :'''Rex:''' It wasn't for nothing, doc. I've got a brother.... Out there... Somewhere. I'm not alone anymore. Finally, I've started to get some real answers. I feel closer to the truth than ever. ===The Forgotten=== :'''Six:''' Rex! :'''Rex:''' It's like I'm hearing through my nanites. <hr width80%> :'''No-Face:''' You are not the Before. :'''Rex:''' I'm not sure that was a complete sentence back then. :'''No-Face:''' ''They'' are the Before! The Before forgot us. The Before left us in pain. <hr width80%> ===Operation: Wingman=== :'''Annie:''' "Do you have a girlfriend?" :'''Rex:''' "It's complicated. She's in league with an evil dictator who wants me dead." :'''Annie:''' "Yeah. My dad's always worried about me dating, too." <hr width80%> ===Rabble=== :'''Quarry''': Come on, Rex. (''holds up Rex's journal'') We both know this is what you really want. So go ahead take it. Walk away. Show them who you really are. You were always very good a taking care of yourself. Why should now be any different? :'''Rex''': (''Cuts his journal in two'') Whoever I was back then, is not who I am now. Not anymore. :'''Quarry''': Your choice. <hr width80%> :'''Rex''': It's over, Quarry! You lose! <hr width80%> : '''Sqywwd:''' I hope you don't expect us to thank you. : '''Rex:''' No. Providence won't bother you unless you do something stupid. : '''Cricket:''' We'll be fine. Thank you, Rex. :(''Kisses him on the check'') : '''Tuck:''' Don't forget about us, Okay? : '''Rex:''' That may be a promise I can't keep. (''Flies off on his Boogie Pack'') <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' It's going to happen again, isn't it? I'm going to blank out. How long do I have? : '''Holiday:''' I don't know, Rex. It's likely triggered by a specific event; something traumatic. ===The Hunter=== ===Gravity=== ===What Lies Beneath=== : '''Circe:''' Rex, it's me. : '''Rex:''' Circe? What do ''you'' want!? : '''Circe:''' Things in Abysus- they're bad, Rex. I need your help. : '''Rex:''' Oh, well, how do I put this nicely? Not a chance! You made your choice, Circe! I made mine. End of story. : '''Circe:''' Please, Rex. I know you're mad at me, but this is a matter of life and death. : '''Rex:''' A lot of things are right now. Nice talking to you. : '''Circe:''' Rex!? : (''Looks crestfallen'') <hr width80%> :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I didn't know you were still in touch with Circe. :'''Rex:''' Yeah, me neither. Can we please stop talking about this? <hr width80%> : '''Holiday:''' She's very pretty. : '''Rex:''' She works for Van Kleiss. She's the enemy. : '''Holiday:''' But you still like her, don't you? : '''Rex:''' I am ''not'' talking about this! <hr width80%> : '''Circe:''' Rex, thank you. : '''Rex:''' I'm not doing this for you. But...your welcome. (''Circe similes hopefully'') So what exactly am I supposed to do? :'''Holiday:''' When I said you were the key, I meant that literally. According to the plans, the machine needs to be turned on by a molecular level. <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' You ''lied'' to me!! : '''Circe:''' You wouldn't have come if I told you the truth. : '''Rex:''' This wasn't about you needing ''me''!! This is about you needing Van Kleiss!! : '''Circe:''' I need you both. Please, Rex, you don't understand. : '''Rex:''' No!! ''You'' don't understand!! Van Kleiss is gone and I intend to keep it that way!! : '''Biowulf:''' You destroyed us all!! : '''Six:''' Don't even breathe. <hr width80%> : '''Circe:''' You don't know what you've done. : '''Rex:''' Then, I guess we're even. : '''Circe:''' You've never understood his power. Van Kleiss kept us safe here. His force was the only thing keeping Abysus together, and you destroyed that. : '''Rex:''' We're done here!! : '''Holiday:''' Rex, I think she's right. Nanites operate on a molecular level. If they bonded with Van Kleiss, breaking off his connection must have caused a splinter; resulting in a disastrous chain reaction. : '''Rex:''' I'm ''not'' bringing him back! ''Not now, not ever!!'' Besides, you don't need Van Kleiss! You have me!! Why not go straight to the source?! :'''Holiday:''' Rex, no! :'''Six:''' Stand down! It's too dangerous! <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' Let go of me!! : '''Holiday:''' If you keep fighting these unstable nanites, they're going to destroy you! : '''Rex:''' And if I don't they'll destroy everybody else. : '''Holiday:''' Not if you listen to me! I have an idea. It's a long shot. Instead of fighting the nanites, ''communicate'' with them. : '''Six:''' You want to talk to the nanites? : '''Holiday:''' He's done it before. : '''Rex:''' Never anything this big. <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' I got you! Don't let go!! (''Rex struggles to save Circe from falling as she clings to him; tears fill her eyes''). ''Circe!!'' (''as she falls into the black goop of highly unstable nanites'') <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' ''Circe!'' Six! Dr. Holiday! Okay, you win. (''technopathically starts the machine''). Something's...not right. <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' Circe! Come on, breathe! : '''Circe''' (''coughs weakly'')''':''' Hey. : '''Rex:''' Hey. <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' Stay with us, Circe. Van Kleiss is done. : '''Circe:''' As much as I care about you, Rex, Van Kleiss and the Pack are my family. They took me in when no one else would. I can't abandon them. : '''Rex:''' So that's it. We're always going to be on opposite sides. : '''Circe:''' It does keep it interesting. ===The Swarm=== :'''Rex''' (thinking'')''':''' ''Gotta stay under. Not sure I can...make it. :(''Has visions of those most dear to him: Noah, his crush Circe, Holiday, Six, Bobo) ===Basic=== ===The Plague=== ===Promises, Promises=== :''Note:'' This episode depicts how young Rex had joined Providence via Six's [[w:flashback episode|memories]]. <hr width80%> :''[Six narrates over imagery of the Nanite Event.]'' :'''Six:''' The names and faces may change, but no matter how you slice it, war is war. You pick a side and you don’t look back. I believe that now and I believed it then. What gets you in trouble is when you start second guessing. Forget what you’re fighting for and you’re finished. :'''Diane Farrah:''' ''[Panicked screaming is heard in the background of an EVO attack]'' There’s another entity has emerged, this time in the heart of Paris. Authorities are vastly unprepared. Unless a decisive response to this pandemic is marshalled, the city will fall just as Kiev— ''[Diane Farrah gets snatched by the EVO’s web]'' :''[A Providence assault vehicle rams through police cars, from which Six appears and deals with the EVO.]'' :'''White Knight:''' Save some for me partner! How else am I gonna earn my paycheck? :''[Knight fires off a weapon and the scene cuts to present day at Providence Headquarters.]'' :'''Providence Agents:''' Surprise! :'''Rex:''' So, the flu shots? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I needed an excuse to get you here. We’ll do them after cake. I’ll get you Van Kleiss! ''[Holiday swings at a pinata blindfolded before Rex crushes it with his smack hands]'' :'''Rex:''' Sorry, Doc, it was taking too long. And it was either that or throw some of your cake at it. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday walks over to Six at a corner, passing him a drink]'' You’re looking festive. :'''Six:''' It was an odd choice to pick today to be his birthday. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' It is the anniversary of his new life here. He deserves a celebration, he changed everything. :'''Six:''' Has he? :'''Rex:''' ''[Rex jumps onto a counter, speaking to the agents surrounding him]'' Ha-hah! How about hitting The Petting Zoo for a little pin-the-tail on the raging “Rhinocesaurus”? :'''Dr. Holiday and Six:''' No. :'''Rex:''' Every party has a pooper. And I got two. :'''Providence Agents:''' ''[Providence Agents turn off the lights and bring Rex a birthday cake]'' Happy Birthday! :'''Rex:''' Dudes! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' You should be celebrating too, Six! After all, you’re the one who started this. In a way, it’s your birthday too. :''[Flashback to Six and Knight walking through the Petting Zoo during construction of Providence HQ.]'' :'''White Knight:''' Nyquist. Fortier. How’s the monkey business? :'''Nyquist:''' Ha ha-larious, Knight. :'''Fortier:''' Hey, for your information we probably saved the world today. :'''White Knight:''' I, for one, feel safer already. ''[Knight states, looking at Bobo while Six walks towards his cage]'' :'''Bobo:''' So, green man. We meet again! :'''Calan:''' They found him at the Kremlin this time. He was threatening to push the button unless someone brought him a thousand pounds of caviar. :'''Bobo:''' Chimp’s gotta eat. :'''Fortier:''' What about your little bug hunt? Give you much trouble? :'''White Knight:''' Nothing we couldn’t handle. :''[The EVO is transported in a cage overhead while Knight and Six walk through a hallway.]'' :'''White Knight:''' What? Not even a smile? Oh by the way, happy birthday. ''[Knight passes Six a gift]'' :'''Six:''' How did you know? :'''White Knight:''' I’m your partner. Can’t keep much from me. :'''Six:''' Thanks. :'''White Knight:''' So what crawled up your coat? :'''Six:''' I’m getting tired of all this fighting. Did you see how many there are now? Are we gonna cage the whole world? :'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight turns around, placing a hand on Six's shoulder]'' We’re preserving the human race. ''[The door to the processing facility opens]'' Besides, who says we’re gonna cage them all? :'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Looking at the EVO]'' And to think, this was once spinning webs in someone’s garden. Doctor Holiday, prepare for disassembly. ''[Doctor Holiday nods and activates the procedure as per his instructions. Doctor Fell sports a wicked smile during the experiment before it disintegrates the EVO without a trace]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' It’s the same exact data as last time, and the time before that; Doctor Fell, why aren’t we studying them in a natural setting? :'''Dr. Fell:''' Only through molecular dissection will we find a way to expunge this threat. The committee agrees with me on this. If you do not approve, I can always find another assistant. :'''White Knight:''' ''[Doctor Holiday leaves the facility in frustration with Doctor Fell]'' Bleeding hearts. They’ll get us all killed one day. :''[Holiday walks down a hallway and drops several notes, one of which Six picks up.]'' :'''Six:''' EVO? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Exponentially Variegated Organism; a little more scientific than spoiled meat. That is what you hired guns call them isn’t it? :'''Six:''' It's Six, and I don't use guns. You told Fell we could learn more by bringing them in alive. What did you mean? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites are altering our DNA, but with the right type of research, there's no doubt they could be programmed to stop or reverse the process. Imagine a third option to this, kill-or-Contain protocol. :'''Six:''' A third option? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' A cure. :'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight and several other Providence agents run past Holiday after an alarm activates]'' Buckle up partner! Looks like we got ourselves a big one. :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hopeless. :''[Providence mercenaries arrive at Mexico to confront the giant mechanical EVO.]'' :'''White Knight:''' What are we looking at? :'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Fascinating. It appears to be bio-mechanical. I must have a closer look at this one. :'''White Knight:''' One for the trophy case. :'''Six:''' Wait. We may get more out of this one if we bring it in alive! <hr width80%> :'''Dr. Fell:''' You're letting your emotions cloud your judgement, Six. With what we gleam from this boy, I could create tools that could inoculate the world. :'''Six:''' Why risk it? He can already cure them! I've seen it! :'''White Knight:''' So, what, we train him? Make him one of us? <hr width80%> :'''Knight:''' We're supposed to be friends! He's a monster! What do you see in him!? :'''Six:''' Hope. <hr width80%> :'''White Knight:''' Thanks for talking some sense into him, Doc. ''[Knight picks up Six’s katana and walks toward Rex]'' :'''Rex:''' What...what’s happening to me? ''[Rex pleas to Knight, who simply looks down at him before warning sirens go off and the facility begins to lockdown]'' :'''Dr. Fell:''' We’re all going to burn. ''[Fell escapes while Rex is craned away by Holiday on an upper level]'' :'''White Knight:''' No! ''[Knight looks back at Six who is slowly picking himself up while the remaining exits close off. In a last ditch effort, Knight carries Six and throws him through the final set of doors before they seal shut]'' :'''Six:''' ''[Six picks himself and slams his fist against the glass]'' Why? :'''White Knight:''' I know what side I’m on. ''[Knight proudly states before getting consumed by a blinding white light and screaming in agony]'' :'''Six:''' ''[Grabbing a hold of Dr. Fell's collar Six shouts]'' Do something! :'''Dr. Fell:''' Once the cycle starts it's impossible to shut down. :'''Rex:''' ''[Contrary to Dr. Fell's statement, the light fades away and the electricity is subdued after Rex interfaces with a control panel]'' Impossible? Psh, right. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you—-? :'''Rex:''' Told it to turn off. And it did! Wait, where...where am I? :'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Doctor Holiday. Maybe you were right. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Maybe you should start looking for another job. :'''Bobo:''' ''[Within the processing chamber, Knight takes a few steps forward before collapsing]'' Hey marshmallow! Nice look! ''[Knight looks back up at Bobo with his signature bleached appearance]'' :''[Some time later, in his office White Knight speaks to Six through a monitor.]'' :'''White Knight:''' How’s the training? :'''Six:''' Slow. :'''White Knight:''' Not all you hoped he’d be? ''[Rex and Bobo topple each other in a play fight while Knight continues to monologue in his office]'' Still, who would’ve thought the kinder, gentler approach would do such wonders for our profile. The notion of a cure has gotten Providence funding, and worldwide prestige. The committee's happy. Your new partner may just be the best thing this operation could have asked for. Funny, isn’t it? Because of you I can never leave this chamber. I’m now the only pure human left in the world. And the perfect poster boy to run this operation. I suppose I should thank you. :'''Six:''' I promised him that we would help uncover his past; find his family. :'''White Knight:''' Whatever keeps him on his leash. But if he shows the slightest sign of turning into thing again, it's all on you. :''[Back at the party in the present, Noah is pinned down by Bobo with a bag on his head to Rex’s amusement.]'' :'''Rex:''' Hoo-hoo-hoo! Oh my—hold him down, I’ll get the camera! ''[Rex runs to his room, and after a quick search he instead finds a long box on a corner shelf]'' :'''Six:''' Happy birthday. ''[Six walks into his room, officially greeting Rex]'' :'''Rex:''' From you? For me? You gotta be kidding. :'''Six:''' You, your work. It has made a real difference. I just—- :'''Rex:''' Yeah, I know I’m pretty great! But seriously get off the sap train, Six. It’s creeping me out. ''[Rex opens the gift to reveal the blade inside]'' Wow, Six! Thank you! :'''Six:''' It’s called a tanto. It’s the ceremonial blade of a samurai warrior. :'''Rex:''' Samurai? Awesome. :'''Six:''' ''[Six unsheathes his own tanto and holds it against Rex’s]'' This is its twin. :'''Rex:''' ''[Rex removes the cap from his tanto and squints at the symbol etched into the blade]'' Is that...writing? :'''Six:''' Bushido symbol of loyalty. It means whether for good or ill, our fates will follow the same path. This one stays with me. :'''Rex:''' Think this thing can cut through Holiday’s chocolate cake? :'''Six:''' ''[Six raises an eyebrow]'' Anything’s possible. :''[Rex puts the cap back on to the blade and camera cuts to outside of Providence headquarters, panning outward until screen fades to black.]'' ===Badlands=== :'''Gatlocke:''' Do you like rules? :'''Rex:''' Can't say I do. <hr width80%> :'''Gatlocke:''' Feel that? It's quilted. This is the good kind. But I won't be able to really enjoy in ''until I have those nanites!'' <hr width80%> ===Out of the Dark=== :''Note'': Rex's love interest and sweetheart Circe appears in a vision. ===Payback=== :''[In the realm of Abysus]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Humiliated... De-powered... All but destroyed. Hardly the new world I set out to build, is it? :'''Biowulf:''' Master, a spy has made contact. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Well? :'''Providence Spy:''' Everything is in place. :'''Van Kleiss:''' And the boy? :'''Providence Spy:''' He's here. :'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[to his loyal followers]'' Soon our greatest enemy will be buried! Providence itself will be destroyed. And we'll have Rex to thank. :'''Rex:''' Come on! Who's gonna know? :'''Noah:''' Yeah. It would only be for a minute or two. :'''Calan:''' You actually want me to let you fly the keep? :''[Calan sighs]'' :'''Calan:''' Only until the next course change. And nothing fancy. :'''Rex:''' All right, let's see what this baby can really do! Why, it wasn't me! Seriously! :'''Both:''' Whoa! :'''Providence Spies:''' Aah! :'''White Knight:''' Calan, what's your status? :'''Calan:''' Came from out of nowhere. We're being boarded. Scramble all jump jets. Mobilize for a counter-offensive. :'''White Knight:''' This is a coordinated attack. Every major Providence outpost around the globe has been hit. :'''Six:''' So far they've steered clear of headquarters. I'm on route to the keep now. :'''Rex:''' Are they really that stupid? Attacking the keep with me on board? This should only take a minute. :'''Noah:''' Wait up! :'''Van Kleiss:''' Find Rex. It goes without saying "alive" would be ideal. Take the ship. :'''Providence Spy:''' Some kind of power surge. We're losing control of the helm! :'''Calan:''' Find out where it's coming from. Doc, if you'll excuse me-- :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six? :'''Six:''' Five minutes out. Prepare for an evac. I'm getting you off the ship. :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Noah:''' Again with the Smack Hands? You always open with that move. Change it up a little! :'''Both:''' Whoa! :'''Bobo:''' You see what you get? That's what happens when you interrupt my nap-- Bobo gets cranky! :'''Rex:''' I learned that the hard way, too. :'''Calan:''' All hands-- We've got intruders on deck four, five, and six. Get'em off our ship! :'''Rex:''' Go! :'''Van Kleiss:''' Attention, Providence. The ship is ours. :'''Rex:''' Ugh! Not even close, Van Kleiss! :'''Van Kleiss:''' Lay down your weapons, and your lives will be spared. Continue to resist and nothing survives. :'''Rex:''' You've made I made some lame-o moves before, Van Kleiss, but this one-- classic. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Seems you may have run out of tricks. Oh, you had to know it would only be a matter of time. I've had a fair amount of time on my hands these days. ''[Restrains Rex with his gauntlet]'' :'''Rex:''' Aaaaah! :'''Van Kleiss:''' You took something very precious from me, Rex, and now I'll be returning the favor. :'''Rex:''' If you want my monkey, you can forget it. :''[Van Kleiss starts draining nanites from Rex, causing him to squirm and scream in pain.]'' :''[Rex grunting]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' It might come as a surprise that when you stole the nanites that gave my power, you left some of your behind-- Enough to tell me a few of what makes you tick. :''[Rex tries to summon a build, but nothing happens.]'' :'''Rex:''' Ungh! :''[Rex grunting]'' :''[Rex gasps]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' You'll find that using your powers will be something of a challenge. The nanites that you so special belong to me now. :'''Biowulf:''' What shall I do with him, master? :'''Van Kleiss:''' I have everything I need from him. I could care less. Secure the rest of the ship. :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' Come on! Do you really think throwing me out that hatch is the best way to get rid of me? Wouldn't it be more fun to throw me in a cage, tie me down in front of a laser? :'''Biowulf:''' No! :'''Rex:''' Aaaaaaaah! Wh-o-o-o-o-oa! :'''Noah:''' What is he doing? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' This is no time to fool around, Rex. :'''Rex:''' Happened to notice that ground coming up on his, doc? If you don't do something fast, I'm about to become part of it! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Ugh! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, are you okay? :'''Rex:''' I think we may have a problem. :'''White Knight:''' What do you mean "they have the keep"?! Blow it up! :'''Six:''' We tried. The remote-destruct sequence has been disabled. Van Kleiss has complete control of it. :'''White Knight:''' Give me some good news. :'''Six:''' We know where it's heading. Here. :'''Biowulf:''' This is the commanding officer. We found him attempting to destroy this ship. :'''Calan:''' What's your game, Van Kleiss? :'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, a very good question-- One that depends entirely on what happens next, Captain. It seems my powers have made a slight... change. :'''Rex:''' Well? They're gone, aren't they? Van Kleiss took all my active nanites. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. I found this. Definitely a nanite, but it's unlike anything I've ever seen. Molecular scans seems to indicate it's some kind of control-nanite. :'''Rex:''' But with nothing to control. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' With a large enough concentration of nanites, we might be able to jump-start it. But even with that, there's no guarantee it would replicate or even give you back the same abilities. :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I hate to say it, but this one has me stumped. :'''Rex:''' Great. Loving this. :'''White Knight:''' If you're finished with the lost cause, we've got a bigger problem. :'''Biowulf:''' Master, how is this possible? :'''Van Kleiss:''' It would seem Rex's nanites have an opposite effect on me. He cured EVOs. Now I create them. Full ahead-- Ramming speed! Once we're through, we'll destroy Providence from the inside out. :'''White Knight:''' Lock it down! I want hallways cleared and critical sections defended. They will not take this base. :'''Rex:''' Well? What are we waiting for? Let's go stop them! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, you're in no condition to fight. :'''Rex:''' Well, what do you expect me to do-- Hide? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Whatever it takes. That nanite inside you might be able to bring you back, but it's going to take me time to figure out how. And that's not something we have a lot of right now. :'''Rex:''' Wow. Nice outfit. :'''Noah:''' Got one for you, too. You get to armor up like the rest of us normals. :'''Rex:''' Come on. :'''Bobo:''' All right, where to? :'''Rex:''' South Pacific. :'''Bobo:''' That's my boy. And here I thought you'd try to pull some hero stunt. Oh, brother. :'''Van Kleiss:''' I want the White Knight. Find where he's hiding and bring him to me. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' That should be everything, as long as the offsite backup holds. :'''Six:''' Don't let it get to that. :'''Noah:''' This is a strange place for a base. :'''Rex:''' When I have too many nanites in me, this is where I go to offload. :'''Bobo:''' Think of it as a nanite porta-potty. :'''Noah:''' Thanks... For that image, Bobo. So, we just put some of these nanites in you, and we're good to go? :'''Rex:''' No. They're inactive. Or at least stripped of their programming. Since I can't control them, I just have to hope that whatever this thing is inside me can't. :'''Noah:''' So... What happens if it can't? :'''Bobo:''' Let me put it this way-- The last guy who went swimmin' in that soup ended up a 50-foot freak show. :'''White Knight:''' Listen to me carrefully, Van Kleiss. :'''Van Kleiss:''' I'd rather not. :'''White Knight:''' Where are they? :'''Six:''' The inner perimeter has been compromised. They're coming. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! Ungh! :''[Skalamander roars]'' :''[Skalamander roars]'' :'''Biowulf:''' Open it. :'''Rex:''' Okay. Bobo, set the thing to "vent" and go. If this doesn't work, I don't want you getting caught in the blast. :'''Bobo:''' No. :'''Noah:''' Forget it. Rex, at least think about his for a sec. What if it wipes your memory? What it turns you into some evil monster? :'''Rex:''' My friends need me. There's nothing more to think about. Bobo, do it. :'''Bobo:''' Long odds, pay big. :''[Bobo groans]'' :'''Six:''' You've overstayed your welcome. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, here's someone who would make a nice addition to our EVO ranks. :'''Six:''' Go ahead and try. Ugh! :''[Six groans]'' :'''Rex:''' Trying to do my job for me, Six? Here's a thought-- When your top henchman can't even get rid of someone by throwing him out of a moving plane, time to rethink the help. :'''Van Kleiss:''' You are determined-- I'll give you that. If it's what you prefer, I'll finish you myself. :'''Rex:''' Maybe. :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! :'''Rex:''' Whoa! Cool! :'''Bobo:''' See? I told you it would work. :'''Six:''' This is an unexpected surprise. :'''Rex:''' Well, by now, you should expect the unexpected from me, Six. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh! :''[Skalamander roars]'' :''[Dr. Holiday grunts]'' :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Noah:''' Is that what I think it is? :'''Bobo:''' Not anymore. :'''Noah:''' You think there might be more of them? :'''Bobo:''' Eh... Probably. :''[Biowulf grunts]'' :''[Biowulf growls]'' :'''Biowulf:''' Aaaaaaah! :'''White Knight:''' I use that electromagnet to trap stray nanites. You're lucky it's on the lowest setting. Any higher, and it would rip the nanites right out of your body. :''[Biowulf grunts]'' :'''Biowulf:''' Then why don't you? :'''White Knight:''' Because then I wouldn't be able to do this. :'''Skalamander:''' No one can help you. You're all alone now. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. We still have my sister. :''[Skalamander grunting]'' :''[Rex and Van Kleiss grunts]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Aaaaah! :'''Rex:''' No way! :'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh! :'''Rex:''' Once again, epic fail. I'll take my nanites back now. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! :'''Noah:''' Rex, wait! :'''Bobo:''' Van Kleiss left behind a few presents. :'''Rex:''' No time to look everywhere. I'm shutting everything down. :'''Noah:''' You can do that? :'''Rex:''' Don't know. Never tried. Anything else? No? :'''Calan:''' Whew! I never want to do that again. No, sir. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Amazing. :'''Rex:''' Why, thank you. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I was talking about the nanites. That was a risky move, Rex, but it worked. As far as I can tell, you're back to your old self. :'''Rex:''' I don't know. Something feels different. That new build-- I think I can do even more. It's like I can see the blueprints. I just need to figure out how to put it all together. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight in person. Never thought I'd see the day. :'''White Knight:''' Well, don't get used to it. We found all the explosives. The base and the keep will need extensive repairs. This was not our finest hour. :'''Rex:''' What are you talking about? We kicked butt! So what if Van Kleiss is back and more powerful than ever? So am I! If he wants a nanite war, let him bring it! :''[White Knight laughs]'' :'''White Knight:''' It's good to have your back, Rex. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' You know, I think he actually means it. :'''Rex:''' Sure he does. So, tell me something, guys-- What's next? ==Season Two (2011)== ===Rampage=== :'''Rex:''' I'll give you the recap. Thanks to these microscopic machines called nanites, I can build cool gear out of my body. I'm what's called an EVO. But most EVOs aren't lucky like me. They usually look like this. ''[Chuckling]'' I know what you're thinking. And they smell bad, too. There's one other thing I can do that makes me even more special. Some EVOs, I can cure. That's why I work for Providence. We're the people you call when an evo is tearing up your lawn or attacking a city. And the worst of them is this guy-- Van Kleiss. The last time we fought, things got a little out of hand. I'll admit it-- We pretty much got our tails handed to us. He steals the key, wrecks headquarters, hijacks my nanite to get back the powers I took away from him. And now he can actually make people into EVOs. Then, to top it off, he has his dog boy Biowulf throw me, overboard at 6,000 feet. Not that anyone's keeping score. Sure, Van Kleiss may be back, but so am I. So what if he can make EVOs? I can still cure them. He may have new powers, but guess what-- I do, too. Ever since my powers came back, I've got the ability to make amazing new machines. Now I just have to figure out how to build more. If you're trying to check up on me, Six, the answer's still a big fat... ''[imitates buzzer]'' I can't figure out how to make this new build. :'''Six:''' It might take some time, but you'll get it. :'''Rex:''' And meanwhile, Van Kleiss is out there doing who knows what. I wish they'd hurry up and get the H.Q. Rebuilt. You're not still living out of your jump jet like some ninja hobo, are you? :'''Six:''' My temporary accommodations are perfectly adequate. :'''Rex:''' Yep. Still living in the jet. :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Rex:''' I hate being kicked out of our house. Although, as long as they're building stuff, I need a hot tub. :''[Carmen gasps]'' :'''Carmen:''' Madre! Estas viva! Como puede ser? :'''Carmen's mother:''' No querida. Soy la prima gemela diabolica de tu madre. :'''Noah:''' What are you watching? :'''Rex:''' Cultural enrichment! Later on, we find out if Dr. Suarez chooses Isabel, or her evil half sister, Ana Maria. :'''Carmen:''' Pero, como va supremivir esto nuesta familia. :'''Carmen's mother:''' Con mucho dolor, vengaza y arrepentimiento. :'''Noah:''' If you're gonna stay with me while they're rebuilding Providence, at least don't flaunt the fact that you don't have a pre-calculus test in three days. :'''Rex:''' Pre-wha? :'''Noah:''' Exactly my point. And when I agreed to this, I wasn't expecting the sidekick, too. :'''Bobo:''' Hey, pally, we're a package deal. Live with it. :''[Noah gasps]'' :'''Noah:''' Was that a toenail? Can I just get hit by a toenail?! :'''Rex:''' What's your deal? :'''Noah:''' Aah! Get one in my mouth! Ugh! :'''Rex:''' Okay, that is gross. Bobo, bad monkey. I thought this would be fun. :''[Noah scoffs]'' :'''Noah:''' For you, maybe. I'll get a real life, too, you know. As much as I want it to be, it can't be all fun and games all the time, Rex. :'''Rex:''' Why not? Worse for me. :'''Noah:''' Hey, I like adventure as much as the next guy, but I still have to pass math. :'''Rex:''' You're not going to fail math. You have like the fourth highest GPA in your class. :'''Noah:''' It used to be third. :'''Rex:''' And ten years from now, nobody's going to care. Hey doc, miss me? Huh? Oh. A situation. Really? Awesome! Nope. I'm not doing anything. Be right there. I'm gonna go pound some EVO into submission. Wanna come? :'''Noah:''' You're serious? :'''Rex:''' No. That would be you. Have fun with that math. :'''Noah:''' Save the world or a chance at a scholarship? All right! I'm coming! :'''Rex:''' Now see? It's a lot more fun when you just let go. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can you hold that thing still? :'''Rex:''' Dibs! That's a whole lot of agents for one EVO, doc. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' They weren't here for the EVO. That ship is carrying the new power core for Providence headquarters. This thing just happened to show up when we started to offload it. :''[Dr. Holiday grunting]'' :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Rex:''' Wh-o-o-o-oa! :''[Rex straining]'' :'''Rex:''' Van Kleiss! :''[Rex sighs]'' :'''Rex:''' Did you see the mark? Van Kleiss made that one. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Why else do you think I've been trying to get a sample from it? :'''Rex:''' I don't know-- Just being science-y? Ugh! :'''Bobo and Noah:''' Yeah! :'''Rex:''' Does that work for you? :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Rex:''' Aah! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' It'll do. Got it. We can cure it now. :'''Rex:''' Whoa! Aah! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Chuckling]'' Unless you like getting thrown around like that. :'''Noah:''' No hurry. This is great. :'''Bobo and Noah:''' Ew! :''[Dock worker grunts]'' :'''Dock worker:''' What hit me? :'''Rex:''' That would be me. :'''Six:''' You work here? :'''Dock worker:''' What do you think, mister? Ahh, my back. :'''Rex:''' Yep. Sorry. Was trying, you know, not to die. If he works at the dock, that must mean Van Kleiss was here. :'''Noah:''' Actually, I think he still is. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' They're after the power core. :'''Rex:''' All this for a battery? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not just a battery. It could fuel a country the size of Abysus for a decade. :'''Rex:''' And it was going to be underneath my room?! Excuse me. Out of the way! Coming through! I was wondering when you and your hair would show up again, Van Kleiss. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Back to your old self again, I see. And how are those new abilities developing? :'''Rex:''' Just fine. Thanks for asking. Here's what I bet you're thinking, "did we really think this plan through? Was using some poor dude as a decoy the best move?" :'''Van Kleiss:''' I suppose only time will tell. Not as strong as you thought. :'''Rex:''' Not yet. That time I really thought I had it, okay? Ohh! :'''Noah:''' How awesome was that? :'''Rex:''' What part-- You clobbering Van Kleiss or Van Kleiss clobbering me? :'''Noah:''' Well, both, actually. :'''Rex:''' Hold on. I need a second to think of a really good dig. :''[Van Kleiss chuckles]'' :'''Rex:''' Why are you smiling? We just owned you. It's over, Van Kleiss. You lose! :'''Noah:''' That was the best you could come up with. "You lose"? :'''Rex:''' That one didn't count. He caught me off guard with the whole smiling thing, okay? :'''Van Kleiss:''' You'd be wise to consider delaying your celebration for the moment, Rex. You're about to have your hands quite full. :'''Rex:''' Oh, really? And how do you figure that? :'''Noah:''' Aah! :'''Van Kleiss:''' Here's the part where you must be thinking, "did I think this plan through?" :'''Rex:''' Noah! :''[Noah growls]'' :'''Rex:''' Are you nuts?! Stop it! :'''Six:''' Stand down! :'''Rex:''' Take it easy, Noah. You're going to be okay. This will all be over in a second. Great. Just great. :'''Six:''' Go! :'''Rex:''' Noah, if you can still understand me, when I said you should let things go, this isn't exactly what I meant. :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Rex:''' Headache. It should be about balance, you know? Take care of the important stuff, but leave room for a little fun. Right now! Too much fun! :''[Rex screaming]'' :'''Rex:''' Wh-o-o-o-oa! Everything's fine. Not a problem. :'''Six:''' If you can't stop him, it's going to be. :'''Rex:''' You know, Six, you really need to learn to think positive. :''[Diane Farrah and Reporter gasps]'' :'''Rex:''' Stupid grin. It's like it's all just a game to him. :'''Determined grandmother:''' I know you! :'''Rex:''' Yeah, uh, thanks, but-- :'''Determined grandmother:''' You're that "tex" kid from Providence. :'''Rex:''' Oh, Rex. Ma'am, this really isn't-- :'''Determined grandmother:''' I have a bone to pick with Providence. Do you realize how awful it's been? :''[Rex chuckles]'' :'''Rex:''' Funny story, he's actually my friend, so as soon as I can catch him-- :'''Determined grandmother:''' Every single night, someone moves my glasses. I leave them on the nightstand, and when I wake up, they're on the dresser! :'''Rex:''' Glasses? :'''Determined grandmother:''' There's got to be an EVO in my house. Some of them only come out at night, you know. :'''Rex:''' Uh-huh. :'''Determined grandmother:''' Now, I keep calling you people, but no one will give me the time of day over there. So, you tell me-- How am I supposed to feel safe when there is an EVO in my apartment?! :'''Rex:''' Here. First number on speed dial. :'''Determined grandmother:''' He's eating the cat food, too! :'''Bobo:''' That friend of yours is a walking disaster. I'm starting to like the kid. :'''Six:''' We'll get this. Go. <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' Don't you have anything better to do with your life then come after me all the time? :'''Van Kleiss:''' Funny you should ask. <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' Doc? How are those biometrics looking now? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Give it a try. :'''Rex:''' Ah, yeah! It's about time! Machines work. I just hope the important part does. :'''Noah:''' What just happened? :'''Rex:''' Do you remember anything? :'''Noah:''' It all kind of hazy. I mostly remember the feeling of... Fun. And I remember you punching me in the face. :'''Rex:''' Yeah. Sorry about that. I thought you were trying to eat me. Come on. We've got a rat to catch. Why so happy? Is this the part where breach shows up and rescues you? :'''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, no. This is the part where she takes your inadequately guarded fuel core. :'''Six:''' Six to post, what's your status? Six to post. :'''Rex:''' Another decoy? :'''Van Kleiss:''' I should share some of the credit with your friend over here. He played the part to perfection. :'''Noah:''' Gee, thanks. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, this would be the part where Breach shows up. :'''Noah:''' I can't believe I did all this. Sounds like I had the time of my life. :'''Rex:''' ''[laughing]'' It almost became your life. Sorry about that. :'''Noah:''' Are you kidding? Just knowing I was a rampaging EVO is cool. I wish I could have remembered at least some of it. :'''Rex:''' It's probably all over the news if you want a replay... At least until you stepped on the news van. :'''Noah:''' Well... ''[Exhales sharply]'' Guess it's back to quadratic equations. :'''Rex:''' I have no idea what those are. I've got somewhere I need to be. See you later. I know. I'm not supposed to be here. I don't care if it's a construction zone. I'm moving back. :'''Six:''' It's all right. Turns out you're not the only one who feels that way. You'll get used to the cold showers. Food, you're on your own. From the top? :'''Rex:''' From the top. :'''Six:''' What were you trying to build, anyway? :'''Rex:''' A water jet. Oh, by the way, I need a new cellphone. :'''Six:''' Yes? :'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' It's after my glasses again. :'''Six:''' Glasses? :'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' This time I am serious. Now, when are you going to send someone out here? :'''Six:''' Ma'am, I'm... :'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' Do you even work for Providence? :'''Six:''' Yes, I work for Providence. :'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' What kind of a flimflam outfit is this? :'''Six:''' How did you get this number? ===Wasteland=== ===Tough Love=== ===The Lost Weekend=== :'''Kenwyn:''' What did you to Skwydd? :'''Mouse:''' Just shedding a light light on how dangerous his kind can be. :'''Rex:''' By juicing his powers? What were you thinking? :'''Mouse:''' Most inorganic material explodes when given that kind of molecular jolt, but not not nanites. They convert the energy into power that amplifies an E.V.O.'s abilities to tremendously uncontrollable levels. ===Star-Crossed=== ===Alliance=== :'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' And he brought his Pack flunkies. Biowulf, Skalamander, Breach. Circe? Gotta hurry. Their headed straight for... someplace else. Gonna find out where. <hr width80%> :'''Holiday:''' Rex why aren't you fixing that shield regulator? :'''Rex:''' Hint. You may remember him from such schemes as destroying Providence headquarters, and trying to take over the entire Earth. :'''Holiday:''' Van Kliess, in there? You're right. You should investigate after you fix the shield. :'''Rex:''' Then it might be too late. :'''Holiday:''' She's there, isn't she? :'''Rex:''' Who? Breach? Yeah, but... :'''Holiday:''' A quick recon and that's it. <hr width80%> :'''Van Kleiss:''' Intriguing. An entire urban branch of EVO. development. :'''Biowulf:''' This place is a waste of our time. :'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss knows what he's doing. It's not your place to question. :'''Biowulf:''' Question?! You dare accuse me of disloyalty?! :'''Circe:''' Sorry. Get a grip! <hr width80%> :'''Circe:''' You're right, you know. We should be down there with him. What is he up to anyway? :'''Biowulf:''' I do not know. :'''Circe:''' You don't know? I thought he trusted you with everything. :'''Biowulf:''' Of course he does! He just-- :'''Rex:''' Hey! Easy on the stealth suit, which apparently, isn't so stealthy. <hr width80%> :'''NoFace:''' Invaders have come before. They brought only pain. :'''Van Kleiss:''' It is a pain we both share. The same Providence outsides attacked my lands, destroyed my army. :'''NoFace:''' There was one who tormented us, humiliated us. The grower of machines. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Ah, Rex. Another thorn we share. My proposal is simple: You control a formidable legion. I, in turn, can provide the escape and the vengeance you seek. I can be your liberator. You can be my general. Together we will crush our enemies, starting with the one you hate most. Now are we-- :'''Biowulf:''' Master, I have a report. :'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[irritated]'' This is a private conversation. Can't you handle the sightest detail without bothering me? :'''Biowulf:''' Of course, Master. It was nothing. <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' Here comes the moment when our brave hero sweeps the girl of her feet! Literally! :'''Biowulf:''' Don't let him. :'''Circe:''' Hey! Let-- :'''Rex:''' ''[flies off with Circe in his arms]''' See you around, henchie! :'''Biowulf:''' ''[to Skalamander]'' Follow them. <hr width80%> :'''Circe:''' Down, now! :'''Rex:''' Not till we hear each other out! :'''Circe:''' Sure! I'll go first. :''[Breaks the Bogie Pack with a hypersonic burst, causing them to fall]'' :'''Rex:''' Oh, great. Way to go, Circe. <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' Our hero pursues the girl of his dreams, heedless of her attempts to break his heart... along with the rest of him. Circe, just one minute, okay? Look-No powers! :'''Circe:''' One minute! But if this is about leaving the Pack-- :'''Rex:''' Please. I'm way past that. There are bigger things going here than who you hang out with. :'''Circe:''' Fifty seconds! :'''Rex:''' I wasn't sent here to spy on you. I'm here to stop these things from ever getting out. :'''Circe:''' Forty! Why are you telling me this? You know who I am! :'''Rex:''' You've seen the things that live here. Whatever deal you think Van Kleiss is making, it's going to turn out bad for everyone. :'''Circe:''' Thirty seconds! :'''Rex:''' I do know who you are, Circe. Just for once think for yourself. Maybe your perfect leader could actually be wrong, maybe even a bit crazy, nuts, certifiably insane! : '''Circe:''' Shut up! Twenty! Talk about blinded. Did you ever wonder why Van Kleiss is so interested in you? :'''Rex:''' Oh, I don't know. Maybe he wants me dead? :'''Circe:''' Not anymore. Something has changed, Rex. Ever since you got your powers back, I hear him talking. Saying you have something that's the key to everything. For whatever reason, he needs you alive. I know it, Rex. He'd never let you be killed. :'''Rex:''' Never, huh? :'''Circe:''' Time's up! <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' Now this looks like a party. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Rex, you never cease to amaze me. <hr width80%> :'''No-Face:''' Defiler! Give him to us! :'''Van Kleiss:''' Now do you believe I can deliver what I say? Will yoh agree to my leadership? :'''No-Face:''' We agree to it! Give him to us! Now! Now! Now! :'''Circe:''' ''[very shocked]''' Van Kleiss, I didn't bring Rex here so that you could-- He'll kill him! :'''Van Kleiss:''' Never forget how I found you, Circe. What you were... before. He's yours. :''[Tears well up in Circe's eyes; thoroughly horrified that her master would calmly allow Rex's life to be put at risk]'' <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' ''[weakly]''' Is this what you wanted? :''[Collapses from his inquiries, causing Circe to open her eyes]'' :'''Circe''' ''[tearful, pleading]'': Stop this! Please! You need him alive! :'''Van Kleiss:''' Alive, yes. Heart pumping, lungs breathing, but his mind? The less there's left of that, the better. Circe, I warn you: Lift so much as a finger to help him, and you're finished! <hr width80%> :'''Circe:''' You, Biowulf, even me. We're all just means to an end for him. He doesn't really care for any of us. :'''Rex:''' So you finally figured that out. Better late than never, I guess. :'''Circe:''' It's not too late! Not if I have anything to say about it! :''[Extends her fleshly and grotesque EVOs mouth]'' :'''Bobo:''' Whoa! Whoa! There are some of us who might not like the sound of whatever you're about to do! :'''Circe:''' I'll adjust the frequency to exclude friendly EVOs. :'''Bobo:''' Does that include me? :'''Circe:''' For now. :''[Uses her melodious, hypnotic singing to call back the EVOs escaping]'' :'''Rex:''' I thought you said you could filter it. :'''Circe:''' It's not an exact science. <hr width80%> :'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss. :'''Rex:''' Breach'll get him out... eventually. But right now he's in there, you're out here. You don't have a better opportunity to consider your options. :''[Notice the two of them holding hands and let go, blushing]'' :'''Bobo:''' What is it stealing from our own people that's so dang satisfying? :'''Circe:''' You forget to remove the tracker. I'm not going to Providence. :'''Rex:''' Doesn't matter where you go. All that matters is that you want to go there. That said. I hear Hong Kong's nice this time of year. ===Robo Bobo=== ===Divide By Six=== :'''One''': ''[Speaking through Rex]'' Six. :'''Six''': One? :'''One''': You left this place, quit life as a mercenary and so rarely returned to visit. :'''Six''': I did what I felt was right, I never meant to dishonor. :'''One''': So rarely, that I never had time to tell you how proud you've made me. :'''Six''': ''[Takes off his glasses for the first time in the series]'' We're going to help you. We're going to take you home. :'''One''': But Six, I am home. ''[Rex falls unconscious while One's body starts changing. Eventually his body dissolves and fertilizes the entire island to its former splendor]'' : '''Six:''' He's still One. He's just one with everything. ===Mixed Signals=== : '''Rex:''' Whoa, big guy! Someone needs to ease off on the cheeseburgers. : '''Six:''' Skip the insults. Start the containment. : '''Rex:''' Like its feelings are going to get hurt. One bad and ugly going down. What? : '''Six:''' Rex? Rex! : '''Rex:''' Cool! : '''Six:''' You want to explain this? : '''Rex:''' I don't know. It's like some weird vision of this thing filled my head, then built itself out of me. Maybe the vision came from Blobbo. Maybe it's trying to talk to me. Come on, big boy. Send me some more pictures. What's on your mind? : '''Six:''' Groceries. That's what's on its mind. : '''Rex:''' I'm skipping. I'm over it. That vision must have been a fluke. : '''Six:''' All right, then. We're going with a two-prong attack. Use caution. This kind of EVO might be a splitter. Rex! Snap out of it! : '''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! Ha! I wasn't supposed to do that, right? : '''Six:''' Rex, I want you back at HQ. : '''Rex:''' But I feel okay now. And we've got, um-- Two blobs to put down. : '''Six:''' Now! : '''Holiday:''' No trace of any recent electrochemical or DNA abnormalities. Everything reads normal. : '''Rex:''' But it's like the visions were being transmitted, and I was seeing it from a nanite point of view. : '''Holiday:''' I can't track it, Rex. There's no sign of signal displacement or a nano disturbance. Maybe we should consider the possibility that this is psychological. : '''Rex:''' Huh? Pizza. : '''Holiday:''' I think he's having another vision. : '''Bobo Haha:''' Of lunch? : '''Rex:''' With pineapple and salmon. : '''Bobo Haha:''' Blech! He is nuts. : '''Holiday:''' Aside from a strange choice in pizza toppings, all readings are normal. I can't explain it. : '''Rex:''' Well, if my nanites are trying to get me to build something, maybe we should give them what they want. : '''Bobo Haha:''' Whatever it is, I'm not eating it. Is that my electric toothbrush? : '''Rex:''' It better not be the one I've been using. : '''Bobo Haha:''' Oh. : '''Rex:''' This is what I'm seeing in my head. As stupid as it looks. It's like someone or something is sending me instructions to build some big device. : '''Bobo Haha:''' Or build a pizza with pineapple and salmon. : '''Rex:''' Okay. I'm not sure about that vision. : '''Holiday:''' Is that my hairdryer? : '''Rex:''' I just need to figure out what it does. Maybe it's a time machine. Or-- Or alien technology! : '''Bobo Haha:''' Maybe it's just a big pile of junk. Or a way to order a really awful pizza. : '''Contraption Voice:''' Target acquired. : '''Holiday:''' Rex! : '''Bobo Haha:''' Wake up! : ''[Rex gasps]'' : '''Provindece Soldier #1:''' Hey, where do you think you're going? We've got a security breach. Front floor. : '''Providence Soldier #2:''' Lockdown protocols enabled. All hands report to duty station. Security speed, take position. : '''Rex:''' Sorry, guys. I might be a little... late. : '''Caesar:''' Case compression. Release. : '''Rex:''' Figures I'd build a machine with a serious attitude problem. : '''Caesar:''' ''[taking off his helmet and turns to Rex]'' Rex, is that you? : '''Rex:''' Who’s asking? : '''Caesar:''' It’s me, Caesar, your brother! Mijo! ''[Hugs Rex]'' You're alive and... older. ''[Rex is dumbfounded]'' Uh. Atomic clock was right... ''[spanish accent]'' Es una problema grande. : '''Rex:''' Uh, yeah. ''[Pushes Caesar]'' It is a big problem. : '''Caesar:''' What is this place? Who are you people? ''[to Rex]'' I'm getting you out of here! : '''Bobo Haha:''' Sorry, amigo. Put your hands up. Or don't. I got a clear shot either way. : '''Caesar:''' ''[is looking at Bobo]'' A talking chimp? : '''Bobo Haha:''' Don't bother. I've heard all the jokes. : '''Caesar:''' Have they hurt you? Are you okay? Stand aside. : '''Rex:''' Hello? Do I get a say in this? : '''Holiday:''' If you're part of some elaborate plan to kidnap Rex, then you failed. : '''Caesar:''' Listen, bonita, you don't wanna make me use this. : '''Rex:''' ''[gets in between them]'' Enough! Normally around here when someone barges in talking crazy, they get around into the deck plates by my giant fists. But you seem legit. I'm going with him. : '''Holiday:''' Rex! : '''Rex:''' Okay, brother. Lead the way. So if you are my brother, where have you been all this time? : '''Caesar:''' I'll explain later when we're safe. : '''Rex:''' Uh, this is Providence. We are safe. Usually. : '''Caesar:''' Providence? Never heard of it. To be honest, the last five years has been a bit of a blur. : '''Rex:''' I want to believe you, but I'm gonna need some proof. : '''Caesar:''' Your name is Rex Salazar. Our parents are Violetta and Raphael. The last time I saw you was at the Applied Nanite Research Lab in Abysus; right before those fools triggered a replication cycle. : '''Rex:''' And I have total amnesia so, for all I know, that could be completely bogus. : '''Caesar:''' There's a scar on the back of your left knee you got when you were seven, riding the gantry arm in the reactor annex. : '''Rex:''' Hmm. I always wondered how I got that. :''[they go out and Rex notices Caesar Salazar's pod laboratory]'' : '''Rex:''' Whoa. Nice wheels. : '''Six:''' ''[Comes out and unsheathed his swords]'' Don't even think about it. : ''[Caesar is about to attack but Rex stops him]'' : '''Rex:''' It's okay. Six isn't going to hurt you. Right, Six? You're comming in a little late on this, but, uh, this is Caesar, my brother, and he wants to get me out of here. So, let's just let my brother have his way and see where this all goes. Wherever you plan on going, they're going to follow us. You know that, right? : '''Caesar:''' They can try. : '''Rex:''' I don't know. Providence ship are pretty fast. : '''Six:''' Track Rex's bio signature and find out who that guy really is. : '''Rex:''' You ain't kidding. This thing moves fast. A-are we in the arctic? : '''Caesar:''' How do you think I got to your location so quickly once the locator signaled me? : '''Rex:''' Locator? You sent me the schematics to build that thing? It tried to crush me like a bug! : '''Caesar:''' Sorry, mijo. I wasn't really trying to hurt. ''[scans Rex's body]'' I was looking for what's hiding inside of you. ''[showing Rex the result]'' The Omega One Nanite. : '''Rex:''' That thing? Holiday discovered it before. We had no idea what it was. : '''Caesar:''' I sent signal instructions for the Omega One to track and contain. But since the nanite has integrated into your DNA, you became the conduit for building the machine. What I don't get is how the Omega One got inside of you. Rylander was supposed to have that under lock and key. : '''Rex:''' Rylander? He's the one who put it inside me. : '''Caesar:''' Why would he do a thing like that? I'm really gonna have to let old fool have it when I see him. : '''Rex:''' Not possible-- Courtesy of Van Kleiss. : '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss?! What does that third-rate lab hack have to do with this? : '''Rex:''' What? I guess I’m not the only one who needs an update. Where have you been? : '''Caesar:''' It's a long story-- actually, short by my clock. A splinter group had formed at the lab. They had other ideas about how the nanites would be used. We tried to stop them, and you were hurt. The only way to save your life was an infusion of nanites. It was risky, but it worked. We thought that'd be enough to stop the others, make them see the right path. But we were wrong. Mom and Dad were in the reactor. As for me, I managed to escape in my lab. But the shock wave, the same shock wave that probably blanked your memory.... also interfered with engine that powers this pod. I was stuck in sub-light drive. : '''Rex:''' How long? : '''Caesar:''' Fifteen minutes. That's how long it took me to reboot the system. But at the speed I was going, it was 5 years of your time. I knew there was an accident, but I had no idea how bad. My nanite sensors were off the charts. My 1st priority was to insure the OM-1 was safe. That was our promise. And here we are. So, what have I missed these past five years? : '''Rex:''' Providence? We need to talk. They can wait. : '''Caesar:''' So let me understand, there are EVOs and Van Kleiss claimed as their leader? : '''Rex:''' Well, not for all of them, yet. I want to know about me, about our parents. : '''Caesar:''' They were scientists. We lived all over the world. Things settled down when you came along. That was in Geneva. : '''Rex:''' Wait a second. Are you saying I'm Swiss? : ''Caesar:'' Not really. Mother was born in Mexico City. Father in Buenos Aires. : '''Rex:''' And they're really... gone? ''[Caesar slowly nods sadly]'' : '''Rex:''' Um, where exactly did this ship take us? : '''Caesar:''' What do you know?We're back at the original lab site. : '''Rex:''' You mean the one in Abysus? : '''Caesar:''' Is that a problem? : '''Rex:''' I'd say just a small one. We should go, like now. : '''Caesar:''' ''[typing]'' Hmm... Must be low on charge. ''[walks out the door]'' We may be stuck, but on the bright side, I can take a look at some of these variegated organisms. ''[goes out]'' : '''Rex:''' Caesar! Wait! : ''[outside and observing the EVOs]'' : '''Caesar:''' Fascinating. We theorized mutations might occur but never anything this random. : ''[Rex hits the EVO before they got near Caesar]'' : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Sorry, bro, but these guys-- : ''[Rex hits another EVO]'' : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Usually don't sit still for questions. : '''Caesar:''' ''[seeing Rex's new build]'' Hmm... That's new. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Guess I've learned a-- : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' A few tricks. But they still won't be enough if Van Kleiss shows up with all his goons. Six! : '''Six:'''We're locked onto you. The keep is already on its way. : '''Rex:''' Your ship may be out of juice, but I'm not. Hop on. I can get us out of here. : '''Caesar:''' I won't leave my lab, and you definitely don't want Van Kleiss getting his hands on some of the things in here. I'll try to reroute the capacitors to an alternate power source. : '''Caesar:''' Oh, you wanna see a photo of you, me, and papi? Maybe later. : '''Rex:''' You're a little off, aren't you, Caesar? : '''Biowulf:''' What was that machine it flew off with? : '''Van Kleiss:''' A laboratory. One I thought I'd never see again. It seems an old friend has returned-Caesar. : '''Rex:''' Providence isn't so bad now, eh, hermano? : '''Caesar:''' Is this a Grinnell? They always made good consoles, except for the random power surges. : '''Six:''' Well? : '''Rex:''' Everything's cool. He's a little kooky, but I'm pretty sure he's my brother. : '''Six:''' Glad to hear it. Now I need you back. We still have some unfinished business. : '''Rex:''' Got to get back to work. : '''Caesar:''' My little brother, the hero. I remember when you just wanted to be a musician. : '''Rex:''' Guitar? No, wait drums. : '''Caesar:''' Accordion. : '''Rex:''' You got to be kidding me! : '''Six:''' As I recall, you started it. : '''Rex:''' Huh? : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Six:''' The EVO is dividing faster than we can contain it. The city is being evacuated. : '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Excuse me, admiral. I need you to take me down there immediately. Afraid I'll have to insist. : '''Six:''' Rex! : '''Rex:''' Are you crazy?! : '''Caesar:''' Depends on who you ask. I had something in my lab that I thought could help. : '''Six:''' Help? You're not even supposed to be outside the keep. : '''Rex:''' WHOO-HOO! Way to go, bro! First day on the job, and you already got a save! : '''Six:''' Job? : '''Rex:''' Oh, come on, admit it, Six. He just saved our chicharrones. : ''[Caesar laughs]'' : '''Rex:''' What? What's so funny? : '''Caesar:''' You always make me laugh when you try to speak Spanish. : '''Holiday:''' We've pulled his records, and I've confirmes his DNA. It seems Rex really does have a brother. : '''White Knight:''' If everything I've read about him is true, he could be an incredible asset to Providence. : '''Six:''' Or a major liability. : '''White Knight:''' All the more reason to keep him with us. Give him whatever he needs. : '''Holiday:''' White's right, Six. He knows more about nanites than anyone on the planet. He helped invent them. : '''Six:''' My point exactly. He's settling in? : '''Rex:''' I guess so. Caesar's a little strange. Hard to believe he's actually my brother. : '''Six:''' I'm happy for you, Rex. You always said you wanted to find your family. : '''Rex:''' Thanks, but... You know that? I already did. Caesar may be my brother, but you, Holiday, Bobo, you're who I have a connection with. : '''Bobo:''' Aww, now, see, I'm getting all misty. : '''Caesar:''' There you are. Hmm. Nice view. Say, mijo, you think your cafeteria could whip up a pizza with pineapple and salmon? I've been craving one for days. : '''Bobo:''' Connection, huh? ===Outpost=== :'''Valentina:''' Ugh! We were returning them to their natural habitat! What Providence does is wrong and against the natural order of things! You're a traitor to your own kind. :'''Rex:''' That's creature's job is to ''exterminate'' mankind! It wanted to kill you! ===Haunted=== ===Moonlighting=== ===Without a Paddle=== ===Written in Sand=== :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I need an uptade. :'''Rex''': I'm right at the edge. Anything still alive in there is trying to get away from the sandstorm. :'''Dr. Holiday''': It's not the storm they're running from. The nanites inside them are forcing the animals away. It's creating a kind of nanite-free zone. :'''Rex''': Ha! We should call White Knight. Maybe he'll move here and leave us all alone. :'''Dr. Holiday''': It's no laughing matter, Rex. It could be the most significant development since the original nanite event. :'''Rex''': Yeah, yeah. Possible cures save the world-- Got it. I'll check it out. :'''Bobo''': Hey, doc. You may wanna get a load of this over here. :'''Dr. Holiday''': Negative. The storm is moving in too fast. Just place a sensor and pack it in. :'''Rex''': Hey. No. It couldn't be. Rex to base. We got trouble of the egomaniacal EVO kind. :'''Dr. Holiday''': Van Kleiss is here? Why am I not surprised? :'''Rex''': I think the real question is, if everything else is in such a race to get out, why is he going on? :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, wait. :'''Rex''': Don't worry, doc. It's me. What could possibly happen? :'''Skalamander''': RARGH! PTUH! They're nothing but dirt. :'''Biowulf''': My senses-- Useless in all this sand. :'''Van Kleiss''': This phenomenon deserves my personal attention. What we seek is nearby. I can feel it pushing against me. :'''Rex''': ''[Rex emerges from the sand storm]'' Yeah? :''[Skalamander grunts]'' :'''Rex''': ''[Rex kicks Skalamander]'' How about kicking against you, too? :'''Van Kleiss''': Rex! You're not welcome here. :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Rex''': Now, that hurt my feelings! :''[Rex groaning]'' :''[Skalamander pins him to the sand, causing him to groan in pain]'' :''[Skalamander laughs]'' :'''Rex''': Aaah! Whoa! :'''Van Kleiss''': If I never see your face again, It will be too soon! :'''Rex''': Yeah? The feeling's-- Whoa! Mutual! :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex? Rex, do you read me? :''[Bobo coughing]'' :'''Bobo''': Okay, we gotta get outta here. I got sand in places I didn't even know I had places. :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, if you can hear me, we're retreating to the safe zone. Rendezvous with us there. :'''Rex''': AAAAH! WHOA-OHHHHHHH! :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Rex coughs]'' :'''Rex''': Okay, Kleiss-- Go time! No EVO allies, just you and-- Whoa! Uh, sorry, buddy. Didn't mean to bring you along for the ride. :'''Van Kleiss''': I don't need my EVO allies, when I can simply make more. :'''Rex''': Don't get me wrong-- I love punching stuff. But anything you can do, I can undo better! We can do this all day. Or you can just spill it. :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex''': Why are you causing this nanite-free zone? :'''Van Kleiss''': How convenient it must be to make me the root of all evil. I'm not causing it. I've come to discover the source and destroy it. :'''Rex''': This could be the cure to nanites. :'''Van Kleiss''': And I live off nanites. What Providence calls a cure, I call death. :'''Rex''': Really? Haven't we moved past this? :'''Van Kleiss''': Huh? :''[Van Kleiss grunts]'' :''[After Van Kleiss creates a scorpion EVO to attack Rex, it attacks him instead.]'' :'''Rex''': That is the funniest thing I have ever seen! Hang on-- I got to get this on video. ''[Takes out cell phone and starts recording Van Kleiss dodging the scorpion EVO.]'' :''[Van Kleiss panting]'' :'''Van Kleiss''': Something's wrong. I should be controlling this creature. :'''Rex''': Stinks to be you. Huh? You ruined my shot! :'''Van Kleiss''': I believe we've found something more interesting. :'''Rex''': You like to point out the obvious, don't you? :'''Bobo''': Don't get me wrong-- I love the kid, but if we don't pull stakes now, we'll be combing dust outta all sorts of places for years. :'''Dr. Holiday''': Too late. Hold on to everything that's not tied down. This is going to be a bumpy... ride. :'''Six''': Holiday? I trust you're all right? :'''Dr. Holiday''': I'm fine, Six. But Rex is still out there-- With Van Kleiss. I can't reach him. :'''Six''': We'll prep a rescue party. Prepare to come aboard. :'''Rex''': Hey! :'''Van Kleiss''': This is not simply a nanite-free zone. Something is stealing the nanites from our bodies. If we linger here too long, we may both find ourselves defenseless against the other. :'''Rex''': Well, then, we'd better blow this joint. And when I say "we" I mean "me". :''[Rex tries to escape and fails]'' :'''Rex''': AAAAAAAAH! :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Van Kleiss''': If either of us is to escape this place, we will have to work together. :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Rex''': What exactly are you suggesting? :'''Van Kleiss''': A temporary truce. :'''Rex''': An extremely temporary truce. :'''Van Kleiss''': We'll work our way to the center of the nanite storm. :'''Rex''': No, we work our way out of the nanite storm and get Providence in here to figure out what's happening. :'''Van Kleiss''': Providence? They can't be trusted. :'''Rex''': Them? Didn't you try to take over New York? And Europe? And the world? :'''Van Kleiss''': You need to listen to me, Rex. Without a powers, you're nothing but a child. :'''Rex''': Oh, yeah? Truce over! Okay. This is awkward. Hey, is it just me, or are you getting really dust? :'''Van Kleiss''': It's happening faster than I thought. :'''Rex''': What's happening faster? If you know something, you'd better spit it out, or-- Whoa! It all looks fossilized. Like it's made completely out of... sand. :'''Van Kleiss''': Not only are there no nanites here, this is pure silicone. There are no other elements-- No carbon, calcium, hydrogen. It appears that this zone not only destroys nanites, but is-- :'''Rex''': Squeezing the life from the Earth. This isn't sand. This is me! :''[Rex whimpering]'' :'''Van Kleiss''': These glyphs-- There's something familiar about them. Sumatran? Mesopotamian? :'''Rex''': Less geeking, more escaping! :'''Van Kleiss''': We need to find the epicenter of this maze. These glyphs may hold the answer. :'''Rex''': Only if one says "exit sign." :'''Van Kleiss''': No need to panic, Rex. We have at least twenty minutes before fossilization-- Give or take. :'''Rex''': "Don't panic"-- Says the guy who used to be dirt. :''[Van Kleiss grunts]'' :'''Rex''': We're turning into walking litter boxes, and you're checking out caveman graffiti? No wonder I'm always kicking your butt. :'''Van Kleiss''': You don't have an investigative bone in your body, do you? So strongheaded-- Just like your mother. ''[Rex is silent]'' No, you don't like that, do you-- That I know more about you than you do? :'''Rex''': Skip the head games. Isn't exactly a good time. :'''Van Kleiss''': No, but perhaps it is time for some truth. We may perish down here, Rex. Ask me anything you want about the past, and I'll answer it. :'''Rex''': ''[looks at his own slowly fossilizing body]'' Sell it somewhere else. I'm not buying. :''[walks away]'' :'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, so the great and powerful Providence has finally come through on their promise to help you remember your past. :'''Rex''': Something better-- Someone who was actually there at the Nanite Event. :'''Van Kleiss''': Aha. Your brother, Caesar. :''[Van Kleiss chuckles evilly]'' :'''Van Kleiss''': I've been following you both very closely since his... miraculous reappearance. Even if you don't want to hear what I have to say, this one's for free. Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be. :'''Rex''': ''[creates his BFS and holds it at Van Kleiss' throat]'' What are you getting at? :'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, no, no. That's not how this works. It isn't my turn. Quid pro quo, Rex. If you want to know more-- Why don't we start with something simple? Rylander's Omega Nanite. I know it's inside you. :'''White Knight''': Status uptade? :'''Six''': Still no fix on Rex. Scanners can't cut through the storm, so we're moving in to stage a recon. :'''White Knight''': I will not risk everyone on board that ship for one agent. Not even that agent. :''[Holiday subtly ends the call. Then to Six]'' :'''Dr. Holiday''': Whoops. Guess the satellite feed went down. Nasty sand. :''[Six smirks]'' :'''Dr. Holiday''': Caesar? Wanted you to know we haven’t found him yet. :'''Caesar''': Found who? :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex. :'''Caesar''': Right. Ah. Sorry. That was, uh, fifteen minutes ago. I've done about five hundred task since then. Try calibrating the keep's sensors to search for traces of Selenium. It's something Rex naturally gives off, like dandruff. :'''Dr. Holiday''': I-- Really? Hmm. Okay, thanks. :'''Van Kleiss''': So what you're saying is, the motor runs off of gravity and the only exhausts are atoms of selenium. :'''Rex''': Now you. Squid Pro... Whatever. The nanites, the Event. What started all this? :'''Van Kleiss''': He didn't tell you? I'm not surprised. It was Caesar. :''[Rex pushes Van Kleiss to nearest wall and take out his BFS once again]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Van Kleiss''': Wasteful, Rex. :'''Rex''': You're lying! :'''Van Kleiss''': Hardly. Your brother is responsible for the most significant catastrophe in human history. You have to admit that as brilliant as Caesar is, he's... not quite right. Am I telling you something that you haven't already noticed? :''[Rex groans]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex''': HAAAH! :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Van Kleiss coughing]'' :'''Van Kleiss''': You seem to have awoken some sort of defense mechanism. :'''Rex''': What are they defending? Rocks? :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Van Kleiss''': Before we're totally devoid of nanites, we need to end this now-- Together. :'''Rex''': Back to back! :'''Van Kleiss''': What? :'''Rex''': Haven't you ever read a comic book? Back to back! No way. These markings-- They're not hieroglyphics. They're circuit boards. This whole cave, this valley-- It's one giant circuit board. These are data conduits-- Ms. Hubs! :'''Van Kleiss''': You're right. These spirals are solid-state storage-- The standard design for a firewall in a CPU. :'''Rex''': Did you just say I'm right? Now that I know what we're dealing with, it's a simple matter of-- Hacking in. This is malo-- Muy malo. Van Kleiss, meet the psycho computer who calls herself-- :'''Van Kleiss''': Zag-RS? :'''Rex''': How do you know that? ''[Zag-RS notices them and attacks them]'' You know Zag-RS? How? :'''Van Kleiss''': She was designed as a decontamination program at the original nanite laboratory. Her task was to destroy any rogue nanites that escaped from the holding tanks. :'''Rex''': She did a great job. Whoever designed her should be taken out and beaten with a tendril. :'''Van Kleiss''': Caesar designed her. :'''Rex''': I'm gonna have to have a chat with my brother when this is over. :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Van Kleiss''': Focus, you fool. If we're to survive this, we have to use whatever nanites we have left to shut her down. :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Rex''': No problemo! Ah, come on! Stay up! Show off! :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Rex''': Well, this bites. :''[Rex straining]'' :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Rex''': Didn't I leave you in orbit? Shouldn't you have burned up in re-entry or something? :'''Zag-RS''': Re-entry resulted in a hard desert landing. This unit faced complete system failure. Salvation came from integration with the host space station power cell, where new initiatives were established. :'''Rex''': Turning the world into a sandbox? :'''Zag-RS''': Correct. The prevention of organic infection by elimination of organic matter and securing the Earth core system. Soon, this world will function without flaw. :'''Rex''': Van Kleiss! Change of plan! While, I've got Zaggy occupied, you go and warn Providence before it's too late! :'''Van Kleiss''': There's no time. Her strength is growing exponentially. To achieve victory, you must trust me. :'''Rex''': Trust you?! That's comedy gold! Even if I was that big of a doof, neither one of us had enough power to fight back! :'''Van Kleiss''': That's not entirely true. :'''Rex''': Huh? :'''Van Kleiss''': I've not been completely honest with you. :'''Rex''': Stunned-- Really. :'''Van Kleiss''': The Omega Nanite within you has a self-replicating program. You can create your own nanites. :'''Rex''': What?! Why didn't you tell me! :'''Van Kleiss''': A calculated emission. :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex''': No way. :'''Van Kleiss''': There-- That is the heart of Zag-RS. Strike while you can! :'''Rex''': Oh, yeah! Now we're talking! Normally, I don't fight girls, but this time I'll make... A big... giant... robot exception! :'''Dr. Holiday''': I found him, Six-- twenty kilometers northeast. There's a huge spike in trace selenium. :'''Six''': Charge all weapons. :'''Dr. Holiday''': The storm's starting to break. But please don't crash. :'''Rex''': YAAAH! :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex''': That's not fair! It worked in the movie! :''[Rex whimpers]'' :''[Rex groaning]'' :'''Rex''': AAAH! :'''Zag-RS''': You have miscalculated, human. The more nanites you replicate, the more energy you supply me. 7.5 seconds until I overtake your production. :''[Van Kleiss grunts]'' :'''Zag-RS''': 4.3 seconds. :'''Van Kleiss''': AAAAAAAAAH! :'''Rex''': YAAAAAAH! One psycho robot down, one supervillain to chicken! Finally! :'''Bobo''': What, you never heard the term "fashionably late"? :'''Dr. Holiday''': Your nanite-replicating function seems to be working well. Most of Zag-RS' alterations have been expunged. :'''Rex''': Meaning... What? :'''Bobo''': You ain't gonna wash away at high tide. :'''Caesar''': This is my design. :'''Rex''': Great-- My brother created Zag-RS. :'''Caesar''': Evidently. Though her evolution into some sort of sentient nanite-slayer is most curious. :'''Six''': Curious? :'''Rex''': What about what Van Kleiss said? :'''Caesar''': You mean I'm to blame for the original nanite event? Why don't we ask her? Wait! Interface protocols. Code designate Zag-RS. Respond. :'''Zag-RS''': Dr. Salazar. Good morning. How may I assist you? :'''Dr. Holiday''': Stand down, gentlemen. Zag-RS has been successfully rebooted. But her memory has been wiped clean. :'''Rex''': What? You got to be kidding me! :'''Caesar''': That's interesting. Hmm. Van Kleiss must have implemented a program dump before he left you. It's the only logical conclusion. :'''Rex''': Program dump? :'''Van Kleiss''': Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be. :'''Rex''': Great. So now all we've got is a lame decontamination program with a GPS lady's voice? :'''Caesar''': GPS lady? Hardly. :'''Rex:''' I was making a joke. :'''Caesar''': Don't you recognize it? When I programmed her, I wanted a voice that meant safety, protection, caring. Rex, this is our mother's voice. :'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' Mama? ===Night Falls=== : ''[Caesar's Pod Laboratory arrives at the town of Mexico City]'' : '''Rex:''' Are we there yet? ''[moving his legs and hugs his legs]'' All this futuristic technology and you never thought of adding a bathroom. ''[points at the monitor]'' City Hall! It must have a bathroom! Pull over-- Now! ''[Esteban writing some paperwork as the ground starts to rumble, He immediately ran outside looking at Caesar's research pod landing. The door opens and Rex finally made on solid ground.]'' Baño? : ''[Esteban awkwardly points the bathroom]'' : ''[Rex runs]'' : ''[The elevator in Research pod went up and then down with Caesar]'' : '''Esteban:''' Caesar. ¿Eres tú? : '''Caesar:''' ''[suspecting face]'' Esteban? : '''Esteban:''' It's Mayor Esteban now. : ''[Caesar laughs]'' : '''Caesar:''' Mayor? When you ran for class president, Maria Rodriguez got all the votes. : '''Esteban:''' She was smarter and much better-looking. And I see you're still building your crazy contraptions. What brings you back to town? : '''Caesar:''' To visit Abuela. It's a surprise. : '''Esteban:''' You don't want to go there. It's not the same as you remember. : ''[Rex righs]'' : '''Rex:''' ''[runs to the research pod]'' Okay, bro, let's go! ''[Rex went up to the lab]'' : ''[Esteban chuckling]'' : '''Esteban:''' ''[looking at Rex]'' Is that little Cabeza de Trapo? : ''[Caesar laughs]'' : '''Caesar:''' I haven't thought of that for years. ''[Caesar went up to the lab]'' : '''Rex:''' What? : '''Caesar:''' No es nada, mijo. We'd better get going. : '''Esteban:''' At least stay in town tonight. You can head up to abuela's in the morning. : '''Caesar:''' It's been over five years, Esteban. We're not waiting another minute. : ''[Door closes and Research pods departs]'' : '''Rex:''' If she's not really our grandmother, why are you calling her "abuela"? : '''Caesar:''' There may not be a biological connection, but she practically raised the entire town. When you were a boy, you spent every summer here. : ''[Rex stops and feels incomplete]'' : '''Rex:''' I wish I could remember her. Or any of this. : '''Caesar:''' I'm sure she'll be excited to see you. Just prepare yourself for a lot of sloppy grandma kisses. : ''[Caesar pats Rex's hair and keeps on moving]'' : ''[Rex knocks at the door, The door opens by Abuela]'' Abuela, it's me-- Caesar. : ''[The Salazar brothers show themselves while Caesar holds a Bouquet of flowers]'' : '''Abuela:''' Caesar! And is that my Cabeza de Trapo? : '''Rex:''' Why is everyone calling me that? : '''Abuela:''' What are you doing here? : '''Caesar:''' We've come to visit. May we come in? : '''Abuela:''' ''[Looks at the sky for a brief moment]'' No! ''[slams the door]'' : '''Rex:''' Maybe we should have called first. : ''[The Salazar brothers spend the night in the Research pod with Caesar sleeping at the floor and Rex sleeping on the table. Unintentionally the computer sets thte alarm causing Rex to wake up a bit.]'' : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex:''' Ten more minutes, Six. [''covers his ears with his pillow]'' : ''[Caesar opens the door and looks down, Seeing Abuela holding breakfast]'' : '''Abuela:''' Who wants breakfast? : ''[Rex immediately wakes up]'' : ''[Rex gasps]'' : '''Rex:''' Yo! : ''[Rex drops off the table]'' : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex:''' Ouch! : ''[After a few minutes, Rex picks up his breakfast]'' : '''Caesar:''' Abuela always was the best cook. : '''Abuela:''' I have missed my niños. ''[Puts her hand on Rex's shoulder]'' Rex, I have been following your work with Providence, and I always knew you would be a big important scientist. : '''Rex:''' So, why did you slam the door on us last night? : '''Abuela:''' Oh, that. You just caught me off guard. We weren't expecting visitors. : '''Rex:''' I thought you always-- : '''Caesar:''' Enough with the questions, little brother. : '''Abuela:''' Let me look at you. : ''[Abuela grabs Rex's face]' : '''Rex:''' Mmph! : '''Abuela:''' I can't believe how you have grown. Come, see-- The rest of the family. : '''Rex:''' Does everyone in town live here? : ''[Caesar chuckles]'' : '''Caesar:''' I remember evenings here, laughing, telling stories. And the food! Rex, if you thought breakfast was good, wait and see what abuela makes for dinner. : '''Abuela:''' It is an old building. There are always repairs. : '''Federico:''' Rex! : '''Rex:''' Huh? : ''[Rex chuckles nervously]'' : '''Rex:''' Uh... What's up? : '''Federico:''' It's me-- Federico. Have you forgotten the secret shake? : '''Abuela:''' You and Federico were best friends when you were little. : '''Caesar:''' Cabezas de trapo! : '''Rex:''' Why do you keep calling me that? : '''Caesar:''' You used to put underpants on your heads and act out Lucha Libre movies. : '''Rex:''' Glad I don't remember that. : '''Federico:''' Lucky you. : '''Esteban:''' Abuela, I must speak to you. : '''Abuela:''' Someone has forgotten his manners. : '''Esteban:''' You can't just keep avoiding me. My phone has been ringing off the hook. The village is concerned about the recent activity. : '''Abuela:''' Well, it shouldn't be. What goes on here is our own business. : '''Esteban:''' Not when it leaves these walls. The situation is getting worse. : '''Abuela:''' We've made the necessary corrections. It won't happen again. : '''Esteban:''' You got one last chance to get out of town. Or I will evict you myself. : '''Abuela:''' An old squabble. You don't need to worry. : '''Caesar:''' What aren't you telling us, abuela? : '''Abuela:''' Time to start making dinner. : '''Rex:''' Dinner? We just had breakfast. : ''[Caesar chuckles]'' : '''Caesar:''' Trust me. ''[Stands up with his glass]'' To family! : '''Rex:''' Is it like this every night? : '''Federico:''' Pretty much. : ''[Rex chuckling]'' : ''[The kid kicks the ball high, Frederico stands up and catch the ball and dribbled. Rex was impress.]'' : '''Rex:''' Hey. You're pretty good. Everything about going pro? : ''[Frederico drops the ball, awkward silence]'' : '''Federico:''' Not anymore. : ''[Rex picks up the ball, kicks it. The ball lands on the table splashing the food all around, everyones laughting. The bell rings and everyone starts going away.]'' : '''Rex:''' Okay, maybe not my best move, but it wasn't that bad. : '''Abuela:''' Come, children! : ''[Caesar and Rex follows Abuela to their room]'' You'll sleep here. : ''[Rex notices Frederico]'' : '''Federico:''' See you in the morning. : ''[Frederico darkly walks into he's room. Rex enters in his. In the room Caesar's unpacking, Rex looks around. Suddently Abuela locks the door.]'' : '''Rex:''' ''[to Caesar]'' Did she just lock us in? :''[Rex tries to open the door, fails]'' She just locked us in! : '''Caesar:''' We need to respect our elders. I'm sure she had her reasons. ''[Rex walks to window, Caesar's trying the new bed.]'' Ooh! Bed's pretty comfy. Good night! : '''Rex:''' But-- but... It's only 6:30! : ''[Night, suddently a roar is heard. Rex and Caesar wakes up.]'' : ''[Rex gasps]'' : '''Rex:''' Sure, that's not weird, either! : ''[Mayor's office, the phone start's ringing.Esteban picks up.]'' : '''Esteban:''' Bueno. I'm glad you cloud return my call. I understand you can help me with my EVO problem. : ''[Salazar's room. Rex and Ceasar already dressed.]'' : '''Rex:''' Frederico? That's his room behind here! : ''[Caesar grunts]'' : ''[Caesar pull's the door, they are still locked.]'' : '''Caesar:''' ''[to Rex]'' Can you break it down? : '''Rex:''' How about respecting our elders? : '''Caesar:''' Technically, I am your elder. Brake it down! : '''Rex:''' I'll do one better! Hunh! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Forms Smack hands and punches trought the wall, making a hole that reveals Frederico's room.]'' : '''Rex:''' This place is just full of surprises. Okay, fur face, if you ate my friend-- : '''Caesar:''' Rex! Wait! : '''Abuela:''' There has been a breach! Where is Rex? : '''Caesar:''' I suspect halfway down the hill by now. Abuela-- : '''Abuela:''' I know. : '''Rex:''' Whoa-- Unh! : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex:''' AAAAH! Whoa! Unh! UAAAAGH! This is for Federico! : '''Abuela:''' Rex! No! That is Federico! : '''Federico:''' Are those your hands? Genial. I got out again, didn't I? : '''Rex:''' So, you're like a were-EVO? : '''Caesar:''' Lux Lucius Mutatio. Interesting. : '''Abuela:''' Come-- We've got to get back to the house. : '''Esteban:''' I told you this would happen! You can't control them anymore! : '''Rex:''' It wasn't her. It was me. I let them out. I didn't know. : '''Esteban:''' All these EVOs! : '''Abuela:''' They're just boys. : '''Esteban:''' Look at the destruction your boys caused! The people are tired of living in fear! You'll be leaving today! : '''Rex:''' I'm sorry, abuela. I had no idea. And now you have to leave because of me. : '''Abuela:''' I'm not going anywhere! : '''Federico:''' We turn at sundown and then back at sunrise. It only happens to some of us. : '''Caesar:''' I took samples from all of the affected family members. Everyone shares the same genetic code-- something similar to hypotrichosis. : '''Rex:''' Hyper, huh? : '''Caesar:''' Werewolf syndrome. The nanites triggered the dormant gene. : '''Federico:''' Can you cure it? : '''Rex:''' I can try. Strange. I don't feel anything. Do you? : '''Federico:''' Thanks anyway. : '''Caesar:''' I'm seeing no active nanite tracers whatsoever. : '''Rex:''' Well, maybe it's because he's not an EVO form. : '''Federico:''' I just want a normal life again. I don't want to have to leave my home. : '''Caesar:''' Maybe there's a way you can have both. : '''Rex:''' Sorry about the wall. Why didn't you tell us? : '''Abuela:''' Because I didn't want Providence to know. : '''Rex:''' But Providence can help. : '''Abuela:''' By taking those afflicted away? No. Every night when the bell pulls, those that have the change are locked away safely. For years it has been this way and no one has been hurt. : '''Rex:''' But-- You're prisoners in your own home. : '''Abuela:''' You may see it that way, niño. But at least we are a family. : '''Federico:''' You know-- Even though we got busted today, it was kind of fun to get out. : '''Rex:''' Don't you ever feel cooped up in here? : '''Federico:''' There is one thing I missed. Go-o-o-o-al! : '''Rex:''' Why did you stop playing if you love it so much? : '''Federico:''' One day during practice, I stayed late so some scouts could see me play. Sun went down, and, well... They made me quit the league after that. Still haven't replaced the go box. : ''[Federico chuckles]'' : '''Federico:''' Is that Providence? : '''Rex:''' I don't know who it is. : '''Federico:''' We should probably get back. It's almost evening bell. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Rex. : '''Federico:''' That guy just shot my ball! : '''Rex:''' Oh, this is just perfect. Hunter Cane he has a thing for hunting down EVOs I already put him away once. : '''Federico:''' So, what's he doing here? : '''Rex:''' Guessing your mayor called him. : '''Federico:''' No, I mean did, he break out or something? : '''Rex:''' Don't know. Don't care. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Why am I not surprised? This one of them? : '''Rex:''' Bringing this guy here was a bad move. : '''Hunter Cain:''' For them? And I get to settle an old score while I'm at it. Lucky me. : '''Rex:''' No-- Lucky me! : '''Federico:''' Rex, we've gotta go. : '''Rex:''' You don't have to worry. This guy has nothing to sweat. : '''Federico:''' Now! : '''Hunter Cain:''' Well, what do we have here? : ''[Hunter Cain grunts]'' : '''Hunter Cain:''' Esteban, my friend, I may not even charge you for this one. : '''Rex:''' The mayor wasn't kidding. He sent an EVO hunter who likes to shoot first and skip the questions. We'll need every man, woman, and werewolf. : '''Esteban:''' You were warned, abuela. You can live peacefully or we will bring you out. : '''Hunter Cain:''' I didn't come here for conversation. : '''Esteban:''' But you said it would just be a show of force. We run them out of town. No one gets hurt. : '''Hunter Cain:''' I don't negotiate with EVOs or their families. If you don't like what you're about to see, you can head on down the hill. : '''Rex:''' Why don't you join them, hunter? : '''Hunter Cain:''' I never back down from a fight. : '''Rex:''' Neither do I. You bring your magic EVO bullets, or is this going to be a real fight? : '''Hunter Cain:''' Lucky for you, these are the old-fashioned kind. But they hurt just as bad. : '''Rex:''' Yeah, that is kind of annoying. : '''Caesar:''' Just hours ago, there wasn't any nanite activity. But now, it's like night and day. : ''[Caesar laughs]'' : '''Caesar:''' That was my little pun. It seems the samples are reacting differently in the absence of sunlight. If I can only work out the photoreactive elements-- : '''Rex:''' I don't even think a cure will stop Hunter Cain. He'll never listen to reason. : '''Caesar:''' I still gotta try. I think I can affect the change in the nanite programming during your nocturnal cycle. If I'm gonna cure this, I have to do it before sunrise. : '''Rex:''' Not a Hunter gets to them first. I can keep doing this till you run out of ammo. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Fire on target! : '''Rex:''' AAAAAAAH! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex:''' Note to self-- Don't give him any ideas. You have to let them out! : '''Abuela:''' I made a promise to keep them safe from harm! : '''Rex:''' Where they can't defend themselves? That's exactly what won't happen! : '''Hunter Cain:''' Grandma, step aside. : '''Abuela:''' I stand with my family. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Have it your way. I'll take all of you down. : '''Abuela:''' You obviously haven't met my family. : '''Rex:''' Can't believe we're not related. So, what was your big jail break? Nail pile and a cake? Exploding smoke bomb? : '''Hunter Cain:''' Cold, hard cash. Not everyone at Providence is an EVO-lover. : '''Caesar:''' Huh? Yes! Rex, we can reprogram the nanites to disregard the photoreactive coding of their DNA with a frequency-tuned pulse! That should allow you to cure them! : '''Rex:''' Sounds great, but I've sort of got my hands full. Unh! : '''Caesar:''' You mess with my brother, you mess with me. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Who are you? You an EVO? : '''Caesar:''' No. I'm a scientist. : '''Hunter Cain:''' AAAAH! : '''Caesar:''' Your turn. : '''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa-ho! Wait! I thought you said you had to zap their nanites. : '''Caesar:''' In a manner of speaking. First, I zap you. Then, you have your nanites through do the rest. : '''Rex:''' AAAH! : '''Caesar:''' Too strong. I'll make an adjustment. : '''Rex:''' Adjustment? How about you wait for me to say "okay" next time? You're still here? : '''Hunter Cain:''' When I said I was out of the disintegrator ammo, I lied. One left, and it has your name on it. : '''Rex:''' Federico, I'm not sure if you can understand me, but it might be time for the return of Las Cabezas de Trapo. : '''Caesar:''' I think I've got the settings figured out. : '''Rex:''' You think? AAAH! : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Caesar:''' That's more like it. : '''Rex:''' ''[Woozily]'' Okay. Let's give it a try. I'm not trying to hurt you. : '''Abuela:''' Federico, mi corazoncito. Let him try. : '''Rex:''' Maybe we have to wait for a sunrise. We- We made it worse. Now we stuck that way! : '''Federico:''' It isn't him-- It's me. I can control it now! : '''Hunter Cain:''' Doesn't change a thing to me. He's still an EVO. I'm gonna finish the job I came here to do. I'll wipe out the whole compound if I have to. : '''Abuela:''' There is no place for your kind of hatred here! : '''Hunter Cain:''' You think I'm afraid of you? : '''Rex:''' I think you should be. : ''[Hunter Cain spits]'' : '''Rex:''' Hunter knows how to hold a grudge. He'll come back. : '''Federico:''' And we'll be waiting. : '''Rex:''' So, this mean you're gonna try out for the pros? : '''Abuela:''' I think it's time we all go out and live our lives. : '''Rex:''' La familia! : '''Caesar:''' Cabezas de trapo! ===Hard Target=== : '''Rex:''' "It's Breach! She's-" : '''Circe:''' "Messing with you, Rex. Did you actually see on her the other side?" : '''Rex:''' "Well, no but...OK, why Hong Kong?" : '''Circe:''' "Because it's on the other side of the world, because she's seriously messed up." : '''Cricket:'''" Kind of like our place." : '''Circe:''' "Trust me. She's back in Abysus laughing it off with the rest of the Pack. Besides, I'm not that easy to find." : (''Removes the white towel to reveal her shoulder-length black hair partly dyed a deep plum and having donned a dark gray overall dress'') : '''Rex:''' "OK, Rex. Bad intro. Take a do-over. Like the new look." : '''Circe:''' "Wow. A compliment." <hr width80%> :'''Skywdd:''' "And that's when Circe goes all [[w:Siren (mythology)|siren]] and blasts the bus driver's pants clean off." :'''Circe:''' "Lucky shot. Hit the exact frequency of polyester." :'''Tuck:''' "Good thing his boxers were cotton." :'''Rex''' (''uncomfortable'')''':''' "Good one. Uh, Circe, remember when you took down that sea monster in Cabo Luna?" :'''Circe:''' "Please, Rex, I'd rather not remember that right now." :'''Skywdd:''' Geez, Rex. Buzzkill." <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' "Stop it." :'''Skywdd:''' "What's with him?" :'''Circe:''' "Breach lag. Let clean over his bedtime." :'''Rex:''' "That and my early morning snooze. By the way, you were right. Breach wasn't after you. She freed Quarry. Got this from the Providence security feed." :'''Skywdd:''' "Quarry?" :'''Tuck:''' "He's lose?" :'''Cricket:''' "Oh no." :'''Circe:''' "You saw Breach and came back ''here!'' What if she followed you!?" :'''Rex:''' "Don't worry. If Breach were here, I'd feel it. She's here." <hr width80%> : '''Breach:''' "Hey, girlfriend." : '''Circe:''' "Get out of here, Breach!" : '''Breach:''' "But Van Kleiss has so been wanting to chat." : '''Circe:''' "Then deliver a message for him! " : (''Uses her ultrasonic bursts on Breach, who creates a portal behind her, knocking her out with her own sonic abilities)'' : '''Rex:''' "Let her go, Breach!!" : '''Breach:''' "Oh, sorry, Rex. She's gonna save my skin. V.K.'s tough on failure, remember?" : (''Teleports away with an unconscious Circe on her shoulder'') : '''Rex:''' "NO!!" <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' "Hold that thought. You can come out now. I got that creeped out feeling." :'''Breach:''' "Peek a boo." : '''Skwydd:''' "It's her!'' She took Circe." : '''Rex:''' But not to Van Kleiss. You never went to Abysus, did you? You slipped her into your little pocket dimension. Let her go, Breach! : '''Breach:''' And I agree to that...why? : '''Rex:''' "Because you wouldn't want Van Kleiss to see this. I'm thinking a trade is in order." : (''Breach releases Circe, who is caught by Skwydd'') : '''Circe:''' "I hate you, Breach." ===A Family Holiday=== :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The pace of study has been staggeringly slow. There have been no significant advancements in nanite research since the original event. Simply put, Providence is not doing enough. What is required is not a military response, but a serious, thoughtful reaction, a scientific answer. The poor and afflicted deserve more. The world, deserves more. Let me introduce Diane. Mother of three. Diane has been diagnosed as incurable, a lost cause. Since then, she's been treated like an animal, locked away from her family... No hope on the horizon. Until now. At Moses Labs, we don't rely on tanks, guns, or secret weapons-- Only an unwavering belief that whatever science breaks, science can fix. Welcome back, Diane. :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Happy birthday, little sister. :'''Rex:''' Hope that I paid the bills. This is going to be expensive. :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Caesar:''' Release the hounds. :''[a door opens revealing some Evo hounds]'' :'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa! :'''Bobo Haha:''' Heh! I thought that was just a figure of speech. You're a sick puppy. :'''Rex:''' Aah! Not cool, bro! :''[Rex panting]'' :'''Rex:''' ''[Spanish accent]'' Agua, por favor. :'''Caesar:''' Water second, probes first. :'''Rex:''' No offense, but being a guinea pig is a lot less fun when it's you instead of Holiday. :'''Caesar:''' Don't I run the biometric tests with the same efficiency? :'''Rex:''' How are we related? Have you looked at Holiday? :'''Bobo Haha:''' She ain't my species and even I know she's a hottie. :'''Caesar:''' She is... very smart. :'''Rex:''' Where is the Doc anyway? She usually can't wait to get her hands on me. :'''Bobo Haha:''' Saw her this morning, looking pretty grim. :'''Agent Six:''' It's her sister. Her sister's birthday to be precise. Holiday gets introspective this time of year. :'''Caesar:''' Her sister? Oh, is she smart too? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hey guys. Can't talk. Hangar! :'''Bobo Haha:''' Ah, human dames. I don't know how you guys keep up. :''[Dr. Holiday pants]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Thank you for coming, Dr. Moses. It's a genuine honor. :'''Rex:''' Who the heck is that guy? Why is Holiday acting all fangirl around him? :'''Caesar:''' It's Dr. Brandon Moses, the leading researcher in technogenic transmorphing! If anyone's going to develop a kill for EVOs, it's going to be him! :'''Bobo Haha:''' Now, that's actin' fan-girl. :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Not the worst I've seen. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can you help her? :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Beverly would be an excellent candidate for my treatments. Have her transported to my facility. :'''Rex:''' Hold up! I know you have a bunch of letters after your name, but curing EVOs is what I do. Some of them-- :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Some you just can't handle, Rex. Dr. Moses' research goes to places you don't, so if you don't mind-- 10 minutes, then we'll be in the air. Thank you, doctor. I've earned 5 years' worth of personal time, Knight. I plan to use it all. :'''White Knight:''' I don't like it, but I like your sister even less. Go for your "cure", Holiday. But if it doesn't work, don't bring her back. :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Agent Six:''' What do you really know about Dr. Moses? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what I saw. :'''Agent Six:''' You're not taking her to the doctor for a checkup. Has he handed you supporting data? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Why won't you let me have this? It's the first glimmer of hope I've had since Rex got here. :'''Agent Six''': I think you've lost your objectivity. If you can't help her-- :'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's the point! I can't! I need this cure. If you won't help me, stay out of my way! :'''Rex:''' Any chance she's right? :'''Agent Six:''' Hope she is. :'''Rex:''' But we're not going to sit around and do nothing in case she's wrong, right? Today you're my sidekick-- Not a fashion-challenged soccer mom blocking my mojo. If there's any chance of playing hero for Holiday, I call dibs. :'''Security guard:''' Dr. Moses' inventions are not for public viewing-- Especially not by Providence. :''[Security guard grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' That "soccer mom" comment really got to you, huh? When did science geeks start packing heat? Huh? :'''Agent Six:''' Check the machine. :'''Rex:''' I'm no engineer, but as far as I can tell, all this thing does is light up and go "ping". They never cured it! This was a scam! :'''Agent Six:''' Holiday's in trouble. Holiday, Moses is a fraud. There is no cure! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' What's going on here? Moses, what is this? :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Business, Dr. Holiday-- Big business. Now, if you wouldn't mind stepping aside so I can collect your sister-- :'''Agent Six:''' Holiday?! What's happening?! :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Or don't step aside. I'm good either way. :'''Agent Six:''' Holiday! We've got our coordinates. Go! :'''Rex:''' It's a hundred miles away! :'''Agent Six:''' Correct. :'''Rex:''' Hold on to your swords, old man! :''[Dr. Holiday grunts]:'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I trusted you! :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' A bad trait, a scientist. But look on the bright side-- You won't be locked in a cell anymore. That was just... Shameful. :'''Rex:''' Be the hero. Be the hero. Be the-- :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' ...Zero. You'll be a lot less grouchy in a few seconds, pal. Half cured? That's new. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' They've got Beverly. :'''Rex:''' You wanna talk to her? :'''Agent Six:''' Now's not the time. :'''Rex:''' And when exactly is. She needs a friend, Six. :'''Agent Six:''' I... prefer to keep it professional. Keeps people from getting hurt. :'''Rex:''' Dude. Take off the sunglasses. She's already hurting. If I were you-- :''[Six gets a radio signal]'' :'''Agent Six:''' If you were me, you'd have a lead. Get Holiday. Dust off in 3. :'''Rex:''' Where are we going? :'''Agent Six:''' Moses may be a genius but not because he can cure EVOs. He overpowers them-- Hypercharges the nanites with excess energy to push their transformations. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's why Rex only partially cured that EVO he stripped the EVO of its extra power. But at its core, it was still incurable. :'''Rex:''' We learned something new today. Great. :'''Agent Six:''' Gets worse. Moses has turned his tech into a cottage industry. He takes incurables and weaponizes them to sell to the highest bidder. :'''Rex:''' Don't sugarcoat it, Six. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you find this out? :'''Agent Six:''' I called some former associates-- People who know things, things that good people shouldn't know about. :'''White Knight:''' Question-- Why is my keep on an unapproved mission? :'''Rex:''' It's cool, Knight. We're helping Holiday. :'''White Knight:''' No! We had a deal! Return to base immediately! :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's over guys. I can't drag you down because of my mistake. I won't. :'''Agent Six:''' Keep returning to base. :''[Knight ends the transmission]'' :'''Agent Six:''' I said the keep is returning to base. I didn't say we'd be on the keep. :'''Rex:''' You okay? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hanging in there. :'''Rex:''' Hanging in there is good. I don't like to see you unhappy, you know. I-I mean-- :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what you mean. Thanks. :'''Agent Six:''' Better luck next time. :''[Rex gasps]'' :'''Rex:''' Jealous much, sidekick? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Who is that? :'''Rex:''' Someone who knows things good people shouldn't. :'''Five:''' Machine boy! Like the new ax? You owe me for the last one. :'''Agent Six:''' We'll talk music later, Five. You have word on Moses? :'''Five:''' Five don't lie. Your guy is running an auction-- Tonight. :'''Agent Six:''' I owe you. :'''Five:''' She's a lot more beautiful than you let on, Six. Try not to screw it up this time. :'''Agent Six:''' You coming? :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The EVO is the military ordinance of the future. We all know it. You drop one of these babies into your neighbor's backyard, and it's game over. But to get the most annihilation out of your nanites... you need me. :'''Human EVO:''' You promised to cure! :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' My technology not only amps up their abilities, but, for an extra charge, will modify their behavior to suit your needs. What am I bid for this army of one? :'''Agent Six:''' ''[Bursting in]'' I'll open with extradition for crimes against humanity! :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to his bidders]'' Wait! This is just a minor disturbance. :''[Moses groans]'' :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to Holiday]'' Do you know what you just cost me, all for one hopless wreck?! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday hits Moses]'' Her name is Beverly. :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Then give sissy a hug. :'''Dr Holiday:''' No! Don't hurt her, Rex! :'''Rex:''' Yeah, sure. Handle with care. Whoa! Can you tell her that, too? :'''Agent Six:''' Going nowhere? :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Uh, let's not be ''[chuckling]'' rash. :''[Holiday slaps Moses]'' :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I'm gonna have to get you a dictionary. Rash will not help anyone, especially not Beverly. :''[Holiday grabs Moses]'' :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Who can still be cured. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday drops Moses]'' What? :'''Agent Six:''' ''[Brandishing his swords]'' No games. Truth or dead. :'''Rex:''' Fight still going! Need assistance! Big time! Whoa! :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I did invent a machine that de-powered nanites, almost. But the bonds and nanite particles were too strong to break. Instead, I discovered that I could reverse the polarity to its maximum, overpowering the nanites. It's easier and-- Profitable. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' But you did isolate the bonds? So, you can break them! :'''Agent Six:''' Holiday! :'''Rex:''' Whoa! Ugh! Unh! Okay, I called hero, but I need some extra kick for my sidekick! Unh! Seriously! :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Time to earn a return on my investments! Kill them all! :'''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! :'''White Knight:''' I won't even bother telling you the trouble you're in. Catch those other EVOs and report to my office the moment you're back. :'''Rex:''' What other EVO-O-O-O-Os? :''[Rex turns around and notices the EVOs behind him]'' :'''Rex:''' Ooos? :'''Rex:''' Think they got it? :'''Agent Six:''' They'd better. We're busy. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Okay. That's the flux transponder. That's the nanite energizer. Don't you explode on me-- Not now. Aah! :'''Rex:''' I'll hand the one crazed sister. You take the other. It'll be like a double date. Don't bother... your sister... while she's working! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I can see what he did, but... uh... there's no time! I can't-- I can't help her! It's over. :'''Agent Six:''' Holiday-- Rebecca-- You are the strongest, smartest woman I have ever met, and the most stubborn. :''[Six removes his glasses and looks her in the eyes]'' :'''Agent Six:''' You never give up. If there's a way to help your sister, find it-- now! :''[Slight pause. Holiday smiles and puts Six's glasses back on his face then leaves]'' :'''Agent Six:''' That's my girl. New plan. Corral her to the machine. :'''Rex:''' Plans are good! Yah! What you got, Doc? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Moses was right. The polarity of the nanite energizer is wrong! I have to amplify and reverse it. But I don't have-- Six... Your magna blades-- But it would be too dangerous. Six! :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six! :'''Agent Six:''' Is it working? :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's working. :'''Rex:''' Six, get out of there! :'''Agent Six:''' You called hero on this one, Rex! Finish it-- For her! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Get them out, Rex-- Both of them-- Now! :''[Dr. Holiday gasps]'' :'''Rex:''' Doc! You gotta see this! :''[Dr. Holiday panting]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[as she's trying to revive Six]'' Don't you do this to me! I will hate you forever if you-- :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :''[Six coughs]'' :'''Beverly:''' Rebecca? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Beverly! :'''Rex:''' That was... I'm... Wow! Six, I've never said it before and I'll probably never say it again, but... I'm honored to be your partner. :'''Bobo Haha:''' Mushy stuff? Oh! Glad I missed it. :'''Rex:''' But don't ever do anything like that again. :'''Agent Six:''' Agreed. But you have to admit though... It was worth it. :''[Dr. Holiday and Beverly laughs]'' :'''White Knight:''' We're not running a boarding house here. No more relatives. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need her for a few more tests, sir. She was only 13 when she went Evo, and she's in a fragile state. :'''Beverly:''' Woo Hoo! :''[Beverly laughing]'' :'''Beverly:''' Rex just took me on a ride through the Zoo on his cycle. :'''White Knight:''' "Fragile." Right. :'''Rex:''' We're going to the mall. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Are you asking permission? :'''Rex:''' No. I'm asking if we can have some money. Providence pays me nada. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can I have a word with you? :'''Agent Six:''' Sure this is a good idea? Could ruin your hero status with Holiday. :'''Rex:''' It's funny. After meeting Bev, out of nowhere, it hit me that Doc Holiday is just a little too old for me. So, since I'm out of the way, I guess there's nothing stopping you anymore, huh, "hero"? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Well... right. I guess... I'll set up those tests. :''[Holiday starts to walk past Six. Six takes a hold of her hand]'' :'''Agent Six:''' Or... we could get some dinner. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Outside? In the real world? Like real people? Like a-- :'''Agent Six:''' Yes. Like a date. :''[Dr. Holiday gasps]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's about time. ===Hong Kong Nights=== ===Whispers in the Dark=== ===Cutting It Close=== ===Exposed=== :'''White Knight''': All Providence personnel, this is a priority-one alert. :'''Agent Six''': Do not panic. Remember your training. :'''White Knight''': In all my years of working at Providence, never have I been put in such a situation. These interlopes could be anywhere at any given moment. :'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, what's all the-- Whoa! Sorry. We're late. :'''Bobo Haha''': You can't prove a thing! :'''White Knight''': Watch what you say. Watch what you do. The very future of Providence may depend upon it. :'''Rex Salazar''': So, what's going on? Van Kleiss attack in the HQ again? :'''Agent Six''': Worse. :'''Diane Farrah:''' I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions. And to find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long. :'''Rex Salazar''': Aah. :'''Diane Farrah''': All your questions are about to be answered. Welcome to Providence Exposed! ''[Camera closes-up on her face]'' On Ultimate Exposure! And cut. Great into, guys. Okay, moving on. :'''Rex Salazar''': This is cool. :'''Agent Six''': This is wrong. :'''Rex Salazar''': How's my hair? :'''Bobo Haha''': Delicious. :'''White Knight''': Ladies and gentlemen, the delightful Miss Farrah and her crew have used the Freedom of Information Act to force. :''[White Knight clears his throat]'' :'''White Knight''': To allow them access to a day in the life of Providence. And to ensure you are afforded the very best Providence has to offer, I'm assigning our top man as your personal guide. :''[Rex moves towards the news team]'' :'''White Knight''': Six, please show Miss Farrah whatever she wants to see. :'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name. On behalf of Providence, I'd like to welcome you to our facility. :'''Diane Farrah''': Spare me the small talk. I'm here to ask the tough questions, and I expect truthful answers. :'''Agent Six''': Shoot. :'''Diane Farrah''': So.. is there a Mrs. Six? :''[Combs her hair]'' :'''Bobo Haha''': Smooth. :'''Rex Salazar''': Like you'd have done better. :'''Bobo Haha''': Are you kidding? They want exposed. I'm going to give that reporter a piece of my mind and a few other pieces while I'm at it. I got stories that'll make them run screaming for the hills. :''[Bobo Haha laughs]'' :'''Agent Six''': If you'll follow me, I'll be happy to show you one of our nanite research labs up close and personal. EVO control is our primary area of concentration, but Providence is focused on a great many studies. Each employing the best and the brightest our planet has to offer. :'''Rex Salazar''': Thanks, Six. You know, this is my brother's lab. He's only like the smartest guy in the entire world. Yeah, being the best at what we do totally runs in our family. :'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time. :'''Agent Six''': That experiment is highly sensitive. :'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, how did you become a Providence agent? :'''Agent Six''': That's also highly sensitive. :'''Rex Salazar''': Amazing story though about how I became a Providence agent. See, there was this big accident. :'''Dr. Holiday''': Good morning. My name is Dr. Rebecca Holiday, And I'm the chief research officer for the Providence Laboratory Facilities - specializing in the study of evology. Providence's number one priority is the security of our planet. And through the studying and understanding the forces that threaten us-- :'''Diane Farrah''': Let's cut to the chase, shall we, doctor? :'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, um, okay. :'''Diane Farrah''': How do you balance the threat of EVOs, the constant danger... with being a woman? :'''Dr. Holiday''': Uh. :''[Dr. Holiday laughs nervously]'' :'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, excuse me. :'''Rex Salazar''': Speaking of studying, check this out. You can edit that, right? :'''Diane Farrah''': We're all about the editing. :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, maybe you could show these journalists some of your other duties, like what you're supposed to be doing right now, for instance. :'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, man. That's right. Come on. You're going to love this. :'''Diane Farrah''': EVOs come from far and wide for a chance to be cured by this young man. How often do you do this? :'''Rex Salazar''': At least once a week here at HQ. When I'm in other parts of the county or the world, Providence sets up a mobile cure station. There are a lot of people out there who need my help. I only wish I could get to them all. Wait. Um, let my try again. ''[after Rex can't cure an EVO]'' Shut it off. :'''Diane Farrah''': But this is really good drama, Rex. :'''Rex Salazar''': I asked to be on TV. They didn't. Please give these people their privacy. :'''Bobo Haha''': Come on, buddy. Everybody has an off day. :'''Rex Salazar''': In front of millions of viewers? So much for everyone's favorite Providence man of mystery. :'''Bobo Haha''': Well, they're just lucky they haven't had the camera on me yet. Oh man, talk about Ultimate Exposure. When I get through with them-- :'''Rex Salazar''': I just wish I could look cool on camera somehow. :'''Bobo Haha''': Phbt! Good luck. The only way that's going to happen now is if some experimental EVOs busted out of their cages and went on a rampage so you could round them up and look like a hero. :'''Diane Farrah''': Providence isn't known for being forthcoming with information. I hope this interview will change that. The people want answers and I fully expect them from you. :'''White Knight''': Very well. What do you want to know? :'''Diane Farrah''': For starters, how do you get fresh milk without any nanites in it? :'''White Knight''': If you must know, it's passed through a powerful magnet that removes and neutralizes any nanite activity. :'''Agent Six''': Observe. :''[White Knight smacks lips]'' :'''White Knight''': Anything else? :'''Diane Farrah''': Not at the moment, but I'll be back. :'''White Knight''': I look forward to it. :''[White Knight sips]'' :'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, what do you think about White Knight's obsession with staying nanite-free at the expense of human contact? :'''Agent Six''': He's a man of many mysteries. :'''Rex Salazar''': Look out! Coming through! Dangerous escaped EVOs on the loose! Stand back! Let a professional handle this! :'''Diane Farrah''': Follow him. :'''Rex Salazar''': Yeah, I'm kind of awesome. :'''Bobo Haha''': Did you get them all? :'''Rex Salazar''': How many did you release? :'''Bobo Haha''': I don't know, three or four. :'''Rex Salazar''': Well, which was it? Three or four? :''[Rex Salazar gasps]'' :'''Agent Six''': Well then. Now that Rex's little demonstration is over, how about a visit to the Providence gift shop? On me. :'''Diane Farrah''': How long has Providence had a gift shop? :'''Agent Six''': Since 8:00 A.M. You want to tell me how a class by EVO got out of its electromagnetically-sealed container and just happened to cross paths with our tour? :'''Rex Salazar''': It's not like this kind of thing doesn't happen here all the time. I just wanted it to happen this time, in front of the camera, all right? :'''Agent Six''': Not all right. That last EVO-- You just helped it molt so it could grow. Its body is still out there somewhere, getting bigger. :'''White Knight''': Providence is run like a finely tuned machine. Until you decide to throw a monkey wrench into the works. :'''Bobo Haha''': Hey, pal, let's leave the comedy to me. :'''White Knight''': And how is it exactly that these EVOs got out? :'''Bobo Haha''': Okay, Mea Culpa. I may have accidentally knocked open a cage or two-- Or four. :'''Dr. Holiday''': That fourth cage was electromagnetically sealed. :'''Bobo Haha''': I didn't say it was easy. :'''Dr. Holiday''': The EVO we had contained in there feeds on electricity. It must be kept away from any electrical current. :'''Rex Salazar''': Then it sure is a good thing this whole place isn't full of electricity. Oh, wait. :'''White Knight''': Find it. Subdue it. And most importantly, don't let that camera crew see it. :'''Bobo Haha''': Eh, were wastin' time hunting this thing down when I could be on camera right now, giving those people a piece of my mind. :'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, I only saw the EVOs empty husk before. What's the real thing look like anyway? Huh? :'''Bobo Haha''': That. :''[Rex Salazar grunts]'' :''[Rex Salazar grunting]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Any suggestions? :'''Bobo Haha''': Can you make a soccer net? :''[Rex Salazar and Bobo Haha grunts]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Aha! Got you cornered now. There's no way out. You're overpowered. :'''Bobo Haha''': You were saying? :'''Agent Six''': You wanted to interview me. Now's your chance. Go. :'''Diane Farrah''': Um... okay. Tell me, Six-- May I call you Six?-- What is the real truth behind the nanite event that created the EVOs? :'''Agent Six''': That's classified. :'''Diane Farrah''': What is your role, if any, in that event? :'''Agent Six''': That's classified, too. :'''Diane Farrah''': Are you always this talkative? :'''Agent Six''': No comment. :''[Rex Salazar grunts]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Wait. Let me do that again. You didn't get my good side. Which is my good side? :'''Bobo Haha''': Your backside. :'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, you promised you were taking us to the heart of the operation. :'''Agent Six''': Right. The heart of the operation. This way. :'''Dr. Holiday''': [Watching from a monitor] It went right. :''[Rex goes to his right. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday''': Camera right! :''[Rex goes to the camera's right]'' :'''Dr. Holiday''': How can you miss it now? It's six feet in diameter and weighs five hundred pounds! :'''Rex Salazar''': Less criticizing, more helping! :'''Dr. Holiday''': Try to steer it in the direction of Hallway twelve. We can isolate it in the atrium. :'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, we've got it contained there now. :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': No, sorry. I was reading that backwards. Hallway twenty one. :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, Hallway twenty one leads to the central core! :'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, so, no big deal. That's a cold-fission reactor, not electric, right? :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, all electricity is converted from something-- Wind, solar, hydro-- At the central core! :'''Rex Salazar''': Ohh. :''[Providence Agent screams]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Uh-hoh. :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, listen carefully and do exactly as I say because we're only going to get one shot at this. :'''Diane Farrah''': One shot at what, doctor? :'''Dr. Holiday''': The... future. Providence is the future. The future used to be the space program. Now the future is Providence and the science of EVOs. :'''Rex Salazar''': Doc? Are you still there? We have a situation. :'''Agent Six''': Just a minor downgrade of power during a routine relay check. Nothing to worry about. :'''Rex Salazar''': Guys, I could really use some advice right about now! :''[Rex Salazar grunts]'' :'''White Knight''': Attention all Providence Personnel, we have a Level-One Priority... :''[Realizes the reporters are present]'' :'''White Knight''': Drill. Repeat-- This is our daily drill in the Central Core-- Now. :'''Agent Six''': Lunch bell. It's taco day. Anyone hungry? :'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, while we appreciate the commemorative spoons and the tacos, I can't help but think that you've been hiding something from our viewers. :'''Agent Six''': Not at all, ma'am. Providence is an open book. :''[Rex Salazar screams]'' :'''Diane Farrah''': Cut! You're ruining the shot, Rex. Just be patient. I will get to you-- I promise. :''[Rex Salazar groans]'' :'''Agent Six''': Get down. :''[Diane Farrah gasps]'' :'''Diane Farrah''': That was... what you did. :'''Agent Six''': Just doing my job, ma'am. :'''Rex Salazar''': And I'm just doing mine! :''[Rex Salazar grunts]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': You're not going anywhere now, buddy, except back to your-- Cage? :'''White Knight''': We hope that you and the Ultimate Exposure team are enjoying our EVO containment demonstration, Miss Farrah. All part of readiness training here at Providence. :'''Diane Farrah''': Can I quote you on that? :'''White Knight''': Miss Farah, I'm not gonna stop you from filming, but for your own safety and the safety of your crew, please step back and let my people do what they do best. Alpha Team, I need a containment of the cafeteria, cube formation. Fire! Rex. :'''Rex Salazar''': I'm on it. :'''Agent Six''': Stay here. This is the real deal. :'''Diane Farrah''': Not on your life. Find an elevator. We're missing it. :'''Caesar Salazar''': Still not a good ti-i-i-i-i-me! :'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, big boy. No more crawl spaces. No more Hallways. Just you and me in a big, old hangar bay mano y mano. :''[Rex Salazar grunts]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Huh? :'''Bobo Haha''': ''[after Rex has been repeatedly beaten back by the Evo]'' Looks like you showed him. :'''Rex Salazar''': Are you going to talk, or are you going to help? :'''Bobo Haha''': Talk. Kidding! I'm helping! I'm helping! :''[Rex Salazar grunts]'' :''[Rex Salazar groaning]'' :''[Rex Salazar groaning]'' :''[Rex Salazar sighs]'' :''[Rex Salazar groaning]'' :'''Diane Farrah''': Please tell me you're getting all of this. :'''Rex Salazar''': Providence's man of mystery strikes again. Ow! It-- it bit me! :'''Diane Farrah''': Quick, grab some B-roll footage before they get rid of all the evidence. :'''Rex Salazar''': You did see that I did all the heavy lifting and Six just took out the trash, right? :'''Diane Farah''': Don't worry. The camera never lies. :'''Rex Salazar''': Yes! :'''Bobo Haha''': Good! Then get a load of this! :'''Diane Farah''': Do you have something to say? :''[Camera zooms in on Bobo]'' :'''Bobo Haha''': Oh... oh. :''[Bobo mutters then passes out]'' :'''Diane Farrah''': I think we have everything we need. :'''Rex Salazar''': I don't know how you guys came off looking, but yours truly rocked hard. Just call me Providence's Man of Mystery from now on. Oh, yeah! Stardom starts in five, four, three, two-- :'''Diane Farrah''': I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions. :'''Rex Salazar''': We are so dead. :'''Bobo Haha''': Nice knowing you, kid. :'''Diane Farrah''': To find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long. :'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name. :'''Rex Salazar''': They did it. :'''Bobo Haha''': They did. :'''Dr. Holiday''': This is a news show? What is the world coming to? :'''Diane Farrah''': Look out, ladies. Agent Six is the full package -- brains, brawn, and-- :'''Agent Six''': Highly sensitive. :'''Diane Farrah''': Just what is he hiding behind those alluring, dark glasses of his? :'''Agent Six''': That's classified. :'''Diane Farrah''': He's the Providence agent you women wanted to get to know. :'''Agent Six''': Up close and personal. :'''Diane Farrah''': That's right, girls. :'''Agent Six''': He's The real deal. :'''Diane Farrah''': And he's known throughout Providence as-- :'''Agent Six''': The heart of the operation. :'''Diane Farrah''': He's the organization's best-kept secret, the ultimate agent, and-- :'''Agent Six''': The man of many mysteries. :'''Diane Farrah''': And, yes, ladies, he is single -- or is he? :''[Dr. Holiday laughs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday''': Excuse me. :'''Agent Six''': No comment. :''[Rex and Bobo Haha laughs]'' :'''White Knight''': Well, that's a relief. :'''Rex Salazar''': ''[after the story airs]'' So, man of mystery, what's it like being a big star adored by women everywhere? :'''Agent Six''': No comment. ===Touch and Go=== ===The Siren's Lament=== * Flashbacks as to how Circe came to work for Van Kleiss. <hr width80%> ===Grounded=== ===Six Minus Six=== ===In Dreams=== ===Lions and Lambs=== <hr width80%> :''[Providence agents are standing in an industrial area, fingers on triggers. Rex flies in on jet pack and lands beside all the agents.]'' :'''Rex:''' Any sign? ''[Rex notices agents shaking in fear.]'' Alright then, who’s up for a burger, anyone? Tough crowd. :''[Six walks up.]'' :'''Six:''' These agents seem nervous. Haven’t they dealt with this situation before? :'''Rex:''' Yeah, that's kind of the problem. :''[Rex twitches, as if he is feeling Breach's presence.]'' :'''Providence Agent:''' Here she comes. :''[Breach appears in front of them. They fire at her. She sends their missiles and agents away with red portals.]'' :'''Six:''' How do we stop her? :'''Rex:''' ''[Smack Hands.]'' Hit hard and keep clear of anything that glows. :''[Breach has a collar around her neck like the one Van Kleiss wears, and a device on her chest like his only much larger and shackles are around her giant hands which look like Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical wrist. She opens a red portal. A giant jellyfish-like thing flies out at Six, then a large creature with a horn on its nose runs out. Rex jumps at Breach, she portals out, returns and the device on her chest starts sparking.]'' :'''Rex:''' What's with the new toy, Breach? :'''Breach:''' ''[Glares]'' Wouldn’t you like to know? :''[T-Rex appears through a gold colored portal, sniffs Rex.]'' :'''Rex:''' Seriously, where do you find these things? Let's see what you started out as, big guy. ''[Tries to cure.] Six? This... this isn't an EVO!'' It's an actual T-Rex! ...Six? :''[Rex runs from T-Rex.]'' :'''Breach:''' Have fun. ''[Leaves through red portal.]'' :''[Rex hides behind light pole, T-Rex pulls pole from ground, Rex falls to the ground.]'' :'''Six:''' I take it this sort of thing doesn't happen all the time? :'''Rex:''' Try never? This is all kinds of wrong. :''[Rex makes BFS, runs at T-Rex; Six runs at T-Rex, jumps on and stabs it in back.]'' :'''Holiday:''' Is that what I think it is? :'''Six:''' You mean about to be extinct? :'''Holiday:''' If you destroy the scientific find of a lifetime, it won’t be the only thing. :'''Rex:''' It's trying to eat us. :'''Six:''' You heard the lady. Take it down soft. :'''Rex:''' Easy for you to say. :''[Rex lies on the ground holding the jaws open with Smack Hands and it slobbers on him.]'' :''[Scene change.]'' :''[Video of T-Rex in confinement field. The T-Rex turns to dust.]'' :'''White Knight:''' Breach is powerful enough as it is, and now you're telling me she can travel through time? :'''Holiday:''' However she's doing it, I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. That dinosaur reverted to its actual age about less than two hours after arrival. :'''Caesar:''' Photo and deep scan analysis reveals some very interesting technology at work here. Van Kleiss has really stepped up his game. :'''White Knight:''' Skip the fan talk. How do we stop it? :'''Caesar:''' Until I get my hands on the device, I'm not certain we can. :'''White Knight:''' We have to bring her to our side. :'''Rex:''' The only way she's coming here is if she does it willingly. :'''White Knight:''' How do you propose we persuade her? :'''Rex:''' With me. ''[Six and Holiday stare at him skeptically.]'' I can be very convincing. Okay, okay. I think she might still have a thing for me. :'''Bobo:''' Atta boy, work it on the crazy chick. :'''White Knight:''' I don't care how we do it as long as we get results. Providence is under the microscope. It is the worst time for Van Kleiss to gain the upper hand. Get to it. Bring her in. :''[Six and Holiday walking out of the room together down the hall.]'' :'''Six:''' ''[To Holiday.]'' I need a word. Something's wrong with White. :'''Holiday:''' Oh. That. He’s always like this, Six. :'''Six:''' No. This is different. I know when something is bothering him. The secret meetings, the anxiety. He’s up to something. :'''Holiday:''' I'll see what I can find out. :''[Scene change.]'' :''[Rex on hoverboard, in Providence stealth suit.]'' :'''Rex:''' WHOO-HOO! Works pretty good. After all, I built it. ''[Loses control of board for a moment.]'' :''[Scene change.]'' :''[Van Kleiss's castle, Rex hiding by entrance.]'' :'''Rex:''' Going in. ''[Pulls up stealth mask, disappears partly, runs past guard.]'' :''[Scene change.]'' :''[Breach is hooked up to a large machine. Van Kleiss stands before her with a huge bank of controls and displays, spooky dark lighting. She screams.]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' This is unacceptable, Breach. I need you to concentrate. :'''Breach:''' It hurts. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Think of what I'm trying to achieve here. I cannot fail. :''[Breach screams in agony and collapses.]'' :''[Rex looks down horrified, Van Kleiss grins, Breach screams and falls down.]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' I'll return when it recharges and we'll start again. :''[Rex holds his hand out to her.]'' :'''Rex:''' Why do you let him do this to you? :'''Breach:''' Glory. :'''Rex:''' Van Kleiss's glory. Is he even noticing how you're tearing yourself apart for him? Have you ever heard him say thank you? What do you say we blow this joint, you and me? He's hurting you. :'''Breach:''' It's not real. It can't hurt you if it isn't real. :'''Rex:''' Breach, look at me. It is. I'm real, all of this is real. You don't have to live this way. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Why am I not surprised. Rex has come to rescue another of my lost sheep. Perhaps he'll try to save you next, Biowulf. :'''Rex:''' That depends. Is he housebroken yet? :'''Biowulf:''' I am no traitor. :'''Van Kleiss:''' You’ve no doubt seen our little experiment. Breach shows great promise. She just needs a little fine tuning. :'''Rex:''' Then what? Go back in time and be king of the cavemen? :'''Van Kleiss:''' Why not? It wouldn’t be much of a step down, now would it? Breach, if you would, remove our guest so we can continue. Practice makes perfect, or in your case, acceptable. :''[Breach makes a red portal.]'' :'''Rex:''' Breach! Think about what you're doing. :''[Van Kleiss grins, she runs and puts her arms around Rex, portals out with Rex.]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Find her. Now. :''[Mountains, snow, Rex shivering.]'' :'''Rex:''' I'm glad you got us out of there, but where... are we? :'''Breach:''' When the snow is gone you can see forever. :'''Rex:''' That's nice. Can we go now? :'''Breach:''' I need to know if I can trust you. :'''Rex:''' You can trust me. I swear. :''[Breach grabs his hand and hugs him. He opens his eyes. They are standing on a shiny endless reflective surface, reflecting stars.]'' :'''Rex:''' This is different. :'''Breach:''' Do you see it? :'''Rex:''' Um-- :'''Breach:''' This is where the stillness comes from. :'''Rex:''' You. Are weird. So what exactly does this mean? Are you coming with me or is this some kind of test? :'''Breach:''' I need you to see it. :'''Rex:''' Ah... A test. :'''Breach:''' Do you wanna understand? :'''Rex:''' Not exactly sure. ''[She glares, he waves his hands in front of him.]'' Yes, I mean yes. I mean-- :'''Breach:''' Follow me. ''[Walks through red portal.]'' :''[Another place. A door, a doll, a bear and a fire hydrant float in space.]'' :''[Rex hanging upside down, she is holding him by his ankle above a swirling pink vortex.]'' :'''Rex:''' Ahh! What happened? I thought we were getting along fine! :'''Breach:''' Why are you here? :'''Rex:''' Good question. Where exactly is here? Can we go somewhere else now, somewhere like, on Earth? :''[She drops him. He screams and lands on the floor between some stacks of books.]'' :'''Rex:''' You sure know how to pick'em. What kind of tripped out dimension is this? ''[Librarian walks by and shushes him.]'' Oh. College. :'''White Knight:''' ''[On communicator in Rex's right ear.]'' Rex, report. Where on earth have you been? :'''Rex:''' Apparently every place but. :'''White Knight:''' I need to know you can handle this otherwise we're going to try a different approach. :'''Rex:''' You need to chill out, White. I’m making progress. ''[Rex puts his hand to his left ear.]'' Dr. Holiday, are you there? :'''Holiday:''' Tracking shows you’re with Breach. Are you okay? :'''Rex:''' Fine? Creeped out but fine. I can't bring Breach back to Providence, White would just lock her up and that won't help. :'''Holiday:''' Where will you take her? :'''Rex:''' I'll think of something. Just keep White Knight off my case. :''[Breach appears behind him.]'' :'''Rex:''' Why don't you let me pick out where we go next? :''[Scene change.]'' :''[White Knight hands folded moving nervously.]'' :'''White Knight:''' He says he's making progress. :'''Black Knight:''' The committee is losing confidence. They want results, not excuses. :'''White Knight:''' Then that's exactly what they’ll get. :''[Scene change. Rex sits across from Breach in a booth at a bowling alley.]'' :'''Rex:''' Soooo, don't like bowling, huh? I figured with the extra arms you'd be a natural. :'''Breach:''' I'm not supposed to like you, but I do. :'''Rex:''' ''[smiles]'' We're teenagers. At least assuming you are. Doing what we are not supposed to is part of the job. French fry? :''[She takes it and then drops it.]'' :'''Rex:''' Do you remember anything? From before you... changed? :'''Breach:''' I remember everything. And nothing. :'''Rex:''' Naturally. Why did I even bother to ask. Listen, Breach. I'm not going to pretend I understand you, ''[Puts his hand on her giant hand]'' but I can help. If you let me. :''[The machine starts to glow, they jump to their feet, other people look startled.]'' :'''Rex:''' Nothing to worry about. Everything's fine. :'''Breach:''' I can't, I can't stop it. :'''Rex:''' Let me try. ''[He tries and it knocks him onto the floor sparking.]'' :'''Breach:''' Van Kleiss has control. They're coming. :''[Van Kleiss busts through the door with The Pack following. Raises bio-mechanical hand, palm of it glows, device on Breach's chest turns off.]'' :'''Rex:''' Okay, do your thing. Get us out of here. Anywhere. :''[she tries]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' You can't take what doesn't belong to you. :'''Rex:''' I didn't take you for the jealous type. ''[Rex shoots bowling balls at Van Kleiss with his cannon, hits Biowulf and Skalamander in the face and Van Kleiss punches the balls aside with his bio-mechanical hand.]'' :'''Rex:''' Breach, let's go! :''[Breach rides off with Rex on hoverboard, Van Kleiss and Pack follow on three flying fish EVO's with harnesses and big teeth. They dodge and crash Van Kleiss into a window, and land in a park.]'' :''[Breach and Rex stand together on a footbridge looking down into the water.]'' :'''Breach:''' ''[Walks to bridge and looks at her reflection, Rex follows.]'' Will they hurt me? :'''Rex:''' Providence? Not if I can help it. :'''Breach:''' They did before. Ms. Smarty Pants—she likes to hurt me. :'''Rex:''' I'll give you my word, if you come back to Providence, I promise no one will hurt you. :'''Breach:''' We can be together forever and ever. ''[She walks off bridge, ducks swimming in water.]'' :'''Rex:''' Uh... something like that. What am I getting myself into? We gotta move. I bet my brother has already figured out how to turn that thing of yours off. :''[The ducks fly off, they look and see a reflection in the pond of White Knight's ship.]'' :''[White Knight walks up followed by Providence fighter planes.]'' :'''Rex:''' Uh guys, what are you doing?! :'''White Knight:''' If you can't have something done right, do it yourself. :''[They shoot at Breach, she screams, Rex is horrified.]'' :'''Rex:''' No! No! No! ''[walks up bridge to White Knight]'' Do have any idea what you just did? :''[Breach's chest device turns on, she screams, Providence shoots at her.]'' :'''Rex:''' Is this what you wanted? Congratulations! ''[runs to Breach]'' Breach! Wait! :'''Breach:''' Liar! ''[Throws red portal at Rex, he dodges, second one hits him, he disappears. Providence keeps shooting, she throw portals, drops three soldiers in water.]'' :'''White Knight:''' Agent Six! :''[He jumps at her, she portals him away to behind Knight. Rex jumps from the water onto the bridge by Knight.]'' :'''Rex:''' You had no intention to bring her in, did you? :'''White Knight:''' I wanted to believe you, Rex, but this is too important. She can't be controlled. :'''Rex:''' Control... Her powers are back on. Van Kleiss. :''[Van Kleiss arrives on flying fish EVO.]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Settle down, Breach. :''[Chest device turns off.]'' :'''Rex:''' Let me do this. I can get through to her. Come on. It couldn't get any worse than you've already made it :''[Knight and Six look at each other.]'' :'''White Knight:''' Form a perimeter around Breach. Van Kleiss isn't to touch her. :''[A rock wall rises from the ground blocking Rex as he runs towards Breach. The Pack jumps down from wall to attack Rex, Six intervenes. Agents surround Breach, she tries and fails to make red portal. Screams. Van Kleiss flies in on fish, knocks down agents with bio-mechanical whip arm, shoots needles from fingers and knocks more down, fish knocks the rest down. White Knight shoots at Van Kleiss.]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' If you had any idea what I was trying to do you might even welcome it. :'''White Knight:''' Enlighten me. :''[Van Kleiss touches a tree and it turns into an EVO. EVO tree catches and holds White. Six and Biowulf fight, Rex and Skalamander fight.]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Enlighten you? :''[Sticks his claws in White Knight, glowing White Knight screams.]'' All in good time, White Knight, assuming you have some left. :''[Six throws a magnablade through Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical arm and he lets go of White.]'' :'''Six:''' ''[to White Knight]'' Go. I mean it. ''[White Knight flies off.]'' :'''Six:''' The name's Six. :'''Van Kleiss:''' We've met. :'''Six:''' Don't remember. ''[They fight.]'' :''[Breach on merry-go-round, turning slowly looking at the sky. :'''Rex:''' You're just using her. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Of course I am. She knows it. Spare me the chivalry, Rex. Providence would do the same. :'''Rex:''' Either way you slice it, she loses! :'''Breach:''' ''[to herself]'' My two favorites. You both lie. Neither is real. :'''Rex:''' ''[goes to her]'' Breach, I'm sorry. I meant what I said. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Words mean nothing. :'''Rex:''' Then let this do the talking. ''[Turns on her machine, puts it into her power.]'' :''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' You just handed her a loaded gun. :'''Rex:''' And now it's her choice how to use it. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh if only I had the chance to get through to you, Rex, to teach you how the world really works. :''[Breach steps in front of Van Kleiss, raises her arms as if to send Rex away. Makes huge yellow portal above them.]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Our very first time traveler. You should be honored. Now Breach, if you wouldn't mind. :''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]'' :''[Rex closes his eyes. Breach sends Van Kleiss away with yellow portal.]'' :'''Rex:''' That was... unexpected. :''[Rex tries to turn machine off but fails.]'' :'''Rex:''' It won't turn off. I'm sorry. I, I didn't know. :'''Breach:''' Van Kleiss made it like this so I wouldn't send him away. :'''Rex:''' That didn't work out so well did it? Six, get everyone out of here now! ''[A big yellow dome forms around the playground where Rex and Breach stand.]'' :'''Rex:''' So, what's going to happen? :''[Rex and Breach are about to be engulfed by Breach's out of control time portal]'' :'''Breach''': ''[she looks up]'' I don't know if any of this was real. But it was nice having a friend for a while. ''[Rex smiles, Breach hugs him as they dispensary in the golden time portal]'' :'''Rex:''' I didn't get blown up. ''[Sees a lizard.]'' Whoa! ''[Jumps away, startled.]'' Oh no, please don't let this be dino time. ''[Touches earpiece in left ear.]'' Rex to Providence, do you copy? :''[Takes earpiece out and looks at it.]'' Oh... Rex to Providence, you better be there. :'''Providence Agent:''' Uh... we copy, Rex. We have a lock on your coordinates and are sending a jump jet. :'''Rex:''' Is Six okay? Breach went supernova. :'''Providence Agent:''' Someone's on the way, just hold tight. Providence out. :''[Scene change, Rex lying on the ground.]'' :'''Rex:''' Took you long enough. :''[Turns over and sees Providence agents, pointing guns at him.]'' :'''Providence Agent:''' Rex is onboard. Heading back to HQ. :'''Rex:''' HQ? Ten minutes ago I was in the middle of an epic battle. You need to take me back! :'''Providence Agent:''' Um, that battle is over. :'''Rex:''' What happened? Is Six okay? Guys...what's going on? :''[They arrive at HQ.]'' :'''Caesar:''' Baby brother, you're okay! ''[Runs and hugs him.]'' :'''Rex:''' Breach just sent me to nowheresville. Nothing to freak out over. :'''Caesar:''' ''[To Providence agent.]'' You didn't tell him? :'''Providence Agent:''' Our orders were just to bring him back. :'''Rex:''' Tell me what? Hey, when did you... have a beard? :'''Caesar:''' There's no easy way to tell you this, hermano. Breach didn't just send you to the middle of nowhere. You've been gone for six months. :'''Rex:''' Six months?! So this is-- :'''Caesar:''' Technically, the future. I should warn you, there've been a few changes. :'''Rex:''' You didn't give away my room, did you? :'''Caesar:''' As a matter of fact, they did. :'''Rex:''' What?! Caesar, tell me what's going on here. :'''Caesar:''' It would be better if I showed you. :'''Rex:''' White Knight taking visitors now? :'''Caesar:''' I'll wait out here. :''[Rex sees Providence agents dressed in black.]'' :'''Rex:''' Nice suits. :''[Goes into the office.]'' :'''Rex:''' Ah... Love what you've done with the place. White? :''[Person in chair turns around, it's a woman, not White Knight.]'' :'''Black Knight:''' Thank you, Rex. ''[She gets up and walks towards him.]'' It was a little bright for my taste. White Knight is no longer associated with this organization. :'''Rex:''' He quit? :'''Black Knight:''' He...attempted a hostile takeover and failed. Can I get you anything? Water? A snack? :'''Rex:''' I don't want a snack! Where's Six? Where's Holiday!? :'''Black Knight:''' This must upsetting to you. Change is never easy but from I understand, you've been in situations like this before. Everything's going to be fine. :'''Rex:''' Who are you?! :'''Black Knight:''' Someone very happy to have you back. Call me Black Knight. ==Season Three (2011-2013)== ===Back in Black=== : '''Rex''': Okay, I get what's going on here. : '''Black Knight''': I'm relieved to hear that, Rex. : '''Rex''': You can come out! I know you're there! : '''Black Knight''': Rex? : '''Rex''': We're friends, now, remember? Breach? : '''Black Knight''': Breach isn't here, Rex. The world's changed. As soon you accept th-- : '''Rex''': No, I'm not ignoring you. It's just that you're not real. : '''Black Knight''': I assure you I'm very real-- As is all of this. : '''Rex''': ''[Chuckling]'' Oh, come on. It's been a fun time in the ol' Breachscape, but, you know, time to go home now. : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex''': Seen this before. Usually ends with a black hole. : '''Black Knight''': Rex, you're disoriented. Let me-- : '''Rex''': Sorry, non-lady. No time. Got an exit to find! Shall we aprehend? : '''Black Knight''': It won't be necessary. : '''Caesar''': Rex! Have you lost it? : '''Rex''': Caesar! We're in a pocket dimension! It could collapse at any second! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Caesar''': That's crazy, Rex. This is not a pocket dimension. : '''Rex''': You're right! It's a whole alternate universe! And-- and-- and you're my Brother's evil twin! Out of the way! Six! Six! Doc! : ''[Rex panting]'' : '''Rex''': Dr. Holiday! Doc! : ''[Rex sighs]'' : '''Rex''': Wha-- Well, at least some things haven't changed. Whoa! Whoa! Okay, now I-- Bleh-- know I'm in an-- Aah!-- alternate universe. Unh! You can go ahead and -- Blech!-- Eat me now, please. : '''Black Knight''': Release. : '''Rex''': You were... saying something about changes? : '''Black Knight''': There have been a few. : '''Caesar''': You've got temporal lag, Rex. It's kind of like altitude sickness, only in time. Here-- This will balance your electrolytes. : ''[Rex sighs]'' : '''Rex''': So this is really-- : '''Black Knight''': Really. Welcome to the future, Rex-- Or, rather, to the present. Without your healing abilities, Providence has embraced a new paradigm. We've moved beyond the outmoded era of "cure, contain, or kill." : '''Rex''': And into the era of "serious leash laws". : '''Caesar''': We used the petting zoo as our test bed. What do you think? : '''Rex''': I think it needs a new name, 'cause, you know, now it really is one. : '''Caesar''': We've developed new techniques for working with EVOs. It's all about understanding them better. : '''Rex''': So, you're some sort of "EVO whisperer"? : '''Caesar''': ''[laughs]'' It's a bit more complicated than that. You sure you're okay? ''[sighs]'' It's good to have you back, brother. : '''Black Knight''': Family ties. They transcend even time itself. : '''Rex''': Caesar's not my only family. : '''Black Knight''': I'll bring you up to speed on the others. When you went M.I.A., White Knight lost his biggest weapon in the war for EVO containment. : '''Rex''': Figures that I have to vanish for him to appreciate me. : '''Black Knight''': White became erratic-- some might say paranoid. Directorate lost faith in his ability to lead. : '''Rex''': Directorate? I never knew white even had a boss. : '''Black Knight''': There are, shall we say, layers. I was named as his replacement. : '''Rex''': Let me guess-- he didn't take it well. : '''Black Knight''': You could say that. : '''Providence Agent''': White Knight! Sir! Stand down! : '''White Knight''': I'd rather go down in flames than see Providence in the hands of the enemy. : '''Providence Agent''': He's got a bomb! Fall back! All units fall ba-- : '''Rex''': Whoa! That was-- : '''Black Knight''': Your room. : '''Rex''': Huh? Aww, man! But... Six... Holiday... where-- : '''Black Knight''': Where do you think? They're out looking for you. Agent Six and Holiday took indefinite leave. They've been off the grid ever since. I've attempted to contact them, but no response. : '''Rex''': Mind if... I give them a ring? Not that I don't trust you. : '''Black Knight''': But you don't trust me. Natural, given the circumstances. Be my guest. It won't take long, to locate them. Meanwhile, there are many familiar faces who will be glad to hear you're back. Which reminds me... This is everything we salvaged from your room. : '''Rex''': Huh. Talk about starting over. : '''Black Knight''': You could you know. There's still a place for you in the-- : '''Rex''': My room. I thought you said it was trashed. : '''Black Knight''': Rex, wait. : '''Rex''': What's the matter, Black? This where you're hiding all your evil secrets? : ''[Rex gasps]'' : '''Rex''': Um... Wow! : '''Black Knight''': This entire wing was destroyed in the blast. I had the space... repurposed. : '''Rex''': White wouldn't even splurge for private stalls. : '''Black Knight''': As you see, I treat my finest people to the very finest things. : '''Rex''': Sure. I'll take one of those, please. : '''Black Knight''': It's yours-- and anything else you'd like. : '''Rex''': As long as I do whatever you want-- That it? : '''Black Knight''': On the contrary-- you're a seasoned agent. I have a few boundaries, but otherwise, handle matters as you see fit. : '''Rex''': Say I refuse. : '''Black Knight''': Then I turn you over to mel. ''[chuckling]'' I'm kidding. You're free to leave whenever you like. But I hope you'll stay. Now, more than ever, Providence needs a Rex. So, how do you feel? Like I haven't used one of those in Six months-- Which I haven't. You mind? Bobo? : '''Bobo''': Rex! Heard you were back. So great to see you, buddy. Whoa. Just a sec, there, pal. Gotta love those certain towelettes. : ''[Bobo whistling]'' : '''Bobo''': What? Never seen a monkey wash his hands before? : '''Rex''': Not this one. : ''[Bobo munching]'' : '''Rex''': You wanna tell me what's gotten into you or what? : '''Bobo''': What are you talking abou-- Unh! Hey! : '''Rex''': Sorry. For a minute, I thought you were... : '''Bobo''': Robo Bobo? Wanna check for a tv in my butt? : '''Rex''': Pass. But come on. You've, I don't know, mellowed or something. : '''Bobo''': Guess I just don't have a big need to act out these days, what with you and everyone gone. Plus, the employee benefits are pretty sweet. : '''Black Knight''': Rex, we've got a little EVO problem. Providence could use your help. Ready to get back in the game? : '''Rex''': If it involves getting out of here, that would be a "yes." You coming? : '''Bobo''': I'll join ya on the next one. I got Tai Chi at 2:00. : '''Rex''': Missing an EVO smackdown? That doesn't sound like you. : '''Bobo''': Did I mention the instructor has a thing for back hair? : '''Rex:''' Ew. Okay. That sounds like you. What is it and where do I find it? : '''Providence Agent''': We've got an EVO in the subway tunnels, people trapped in one of the trains. The power's out down there, too. : '''Rex:''' Sounds like a street worm. Sure it's just one? Rex to H.Q. Okay, new chief, how do you want to do this? : '''Black Knight:''' You're the expert. : '''Rex:''' I am? Uh, I mean, of course I am. It's just that Six usually-- : '''Black Knight:''' You don't need help, Rex. Handle it as you see fit. Black, out. : '''Rex:''' What's this strange feeling that's come upon me? Could it be... : ''[Rex shudders]'' : '''Rex''': Responsibility?! Okay. Assemble your guys over there. Be ready for me. Should the guys grab flashlight. Or... better. Not a bad pre-show. Now for the main event. : '''Providence Agent:''' How did you know? : '''Rex:''' These things usually travel in pairs. I used lights from my builds to make it think I was another worm. Have your bug net handy. They're so cute after I shut them down. : '''Rex:''' Sorry B.K. No can cure. : '''Black Knight:''' Understood. Our team will take it from here. : '''Rex:''' Um, take what where? : '''Providence Agent:''' Move into the vehicle! Move... into... the vehicle! Hit her again! : '''Rex:''' Um, what just happend? : '''Black Knight:''' That's all for now, Rex. Nicely done. : '''Rex:''' Hm. Wait. What are you gonna do with it? : '''Providence Agent:''' Standard rehab and re-lo. It's all very humane. : '''Rex:''' I'd love to see that. Mind if I tag along? : '''Black Knight:''' Sorry, Rex. Authorized personnel only. You've done your job. Now let the team theirs. : '''Rex:''' But-- : '''Black Knight:''' Boundaries, Rex. : '''Rex:''' Boundaries. Got it. Rex, out. : '''Caesar:''' Main container reached. Attach stabilizer ring. : '''Rex:''' Humane? Yeah, right. : ''[Bobo yawns]'' : '''Bobo:''' See? Great employee benefits. : '''Rex:''' Yeah. Right. Hey, you got a tag sticking out in the back. Mind if I-- : '''Bobo:''' Thanks, pal. Well, off to yoga. : '''Caesar:''' You really shouldn't be here, hermano. : '''Rex:''' The petting zoo? The worm? My monkey practicing good hygiene? You're using that thing to control my friend! : '''Caesar:''' He's still the same Bobo you know and love. He just need a few boundaries. : '''Rex:''' He's not the same, and neither are you! You should hear yourself! : '''Caesar:''' Making the world safer isn't possible without some form of control. And you'd better get some control of yourself, mijo. : '''Rex:''' Or what? You'll use that thing on me? : '''Caesar:''' Open your eyes to all the good we're accomplishing. Isn't this better than smacking them with your giant fists? : '''Rex:''' That's combat! I protect people and property! Okay, property, not so much, but this? If you can't see the difference, then maybe I never knew you at all! : '''Caesar:''' It doesn't matter. I have work to do. : '''Rex:''' So do I! : ''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Uses his Smack Hands to smash everything around him]'' : '''Caesar:''' Rex! Stop! : '''Black Knight:''' Snooping around, Rex? See, that's another one of my boundaries. : '''Rex:''' White Knight may have had his issues, but he never resorted to anything like this! : '''Black Knight:''' I never planned to do this, Rex, but you've become a danger. : '''Rex''' ''[shocked]'': Caesar! Think! You can't do this! : '''Caesar:''' Of course I'm thinking. This is the logical conclusion to what we started. : '''Rex:''' The logical-- Aaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Raaah! Aah! : ''[Caesar blasts the mind-control laser, causing Rex to scream and groan in pain]'' : '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. You'll thank me later. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' You... better... believe I will! : '''Caesar:''' Please don't resist! It's only painful if you struggle! : '''Black Knight:''' What's taking so long? : '''Caesar:''' He's fighting it! His nantic energy is spiking off the scale! : ''[Rex grunting]'' : '''Black Knight:''' Boost power. : '''Caesar:''' It's not safe to-- : '''Black Knight:''' It's for the best. : ''[Caesar increases power, causing Rex's nanites to go haywire as a tear fall down his cheek, heartbroken about his own brother betraying him]'' : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Manages to overpower the mind-control machine, much to the surprise and wonder of Caesar and Black Knight]'' : '''Rex:''' You just drew a line in the sand, bro! ''[runs off]'' : '''Black Knight:''' You'd better have a backup. : '''Caesar:''' The prototype. Not portable, but more than enough power, even for him. : '''Black Knight:''' Get it ready. : '''Rex:''' Unh! : ''[Rex grunting]'' : '''Rex:''' No mood to get slimed right now, mel! : ''[Rex grunting]'' : '''Rex:''' What happened to your EVO control? : '''Black Knight:''' A demonstration. You know what would happen without our influence. : '''Rex:''' So, you're hijacking its brain, like you tried to do with mine. : '''Black Knight:''' That won't be necessary if you'll willingly cooperate. : '''Rex:''' Translation-- if I do everything you say. : '''Black Knight:''' You've seen how we can work together. Providence still needs you. There will always be a few EVOs we can't control. : '''Rex:''' Yeah. I'm one of them. : '''Black Pawns:''' Shall we pursue? : '''Black Knight:''' Most definitely. : '''Rex:''' Gangway! Coming through! Huh? No! Huh. Black Pawns. Overdoing the whole theme, don't you think? : ''[Rex groaning]'' : ''[Rex gasps]'' : '''Rex:''' Yah! I'm getting beat up by the chess club! : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Black Knight:''' We... got off on the wrong foot. Stow the hardware and come with us. You have my word you won't be harmed. We can start over-- the right way. : '''Bobo:''' You mind? You're interrupting the enjoyment of my employee benefits. : ''[Rex sighs]'' : ''[Rex panting]'' : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Black Knight:''' ''[after Rex was tranquilized]'' Excellent work. Take him to the lab. : ''[Rex groans]'' : ''[Rex sighs]'' : '''Rex:''' What? No way! You're not turning my brain to mashed potatoes! Doc?! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Welcome back, Rex. : '''Six:''' Good to see you, kid. : '''Rex:''' Before I blame this on a Burrito-induced nightmare, will someone please tell me-- What... Is... Going... On?! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' What do you think? We've been looking for you. : '''Six:''' We knew Providence might find you first. Fortunately, we planted a mole. : '''Bobo:''' Ehh. Rex! Put 'er there! : '''Rex:''' Uhh! You didn't wash! Oh! You didn't wash! But that means... that he really was... Robo Bobo? : '''Bobo:''' In the flesh. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Literally. I gave it a biological upgrade, complete with his own nanites and... fleas, ticks, lice, chigger mites. : '''Bobo:''' What can I say? I'm an ecosystem. : '''Six:''' It's enough to fool your brother's equipment. The robot is only providing limited intel. But one thing is sure-- new Providence is about more than just getting EVOs off the streets. : '''Rex:''' I saw it. Whatever they're doing over there is seriously messed up. : '''Six:''' That's why we've set up our own operation. : '''Rex:''' Whoa! Where did you get all of this? : '''Six:''' We have our sources. : '''Rex:''' So, we're like super secret spies now? Cool! :''[Rex sighs]'' : '''Rex:''' It's too bad about White, though. I never thought I'd say it, but I'm gonna miss that pasty guy. : '''White Knight:''' How touching, Rex. I, on the other hand, would rather enjoyed the last six Rex-free months. Now... if we're done with the love-in, we have work to do. : '''Rex:''' It really can't get any better than this. Oh, except one thing-- can I get a TV? ===Crash and Burn=== *From this episode, Rex can create two builds at once :''[Bobo yawns]'' :'''Bobo:''' They say nothin' good happens after midnight. And, you know, they're right. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm worried about you, Bobo. Since we left Providence, you've been staying out every night. :''[Bobo grunts]'' :''[Bobo munching]'' :''[Bobo gulps]'' :'''Bobo:''' That's not the least of your worries. Seen our boy lately? :''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex is fine. He just needs time to adjust to our new setting. Rex? It's Holiday. Are you there? :'''Rex:''' Hey, doc. What up? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Just checking in. Everything okay? :'''Rex:''' Better than okay. I'm about to set a new land-speed record' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' That wasn't what I meant. How are you feeling? :'''Rex:''' Appreciate the concern, but the only thing on my mind right now is the need for speed. Apparently, I'm not alone. I'll call you back. Hey! Slow down! I want to talk to you! Ah. You want to play chicken. Doc? Bobo? I'm getting blitzed by some bikers. Aah! :'''Rand:''' Might as well give up! I won't quit! I'm a relentless, never-say-die, nonstop-- Uh, hey, wait a minute. Who are you? :'''Rex:''' Think you could have asked me that before trying to run me down? :'''Rand:''' Ooh! My fault. I thought you were one of us. :'''Rex:''' "One of us"? What is this? :'''Rand:''' Sorry, dude. No time to chat. Peace. :'''Rex:''' Yeah, like I'm gonna take that for an answer. A street race? Or a demolition derby? :''[Lance grunts]'' :''[Lance groans]'' :'''Lance:''' Gonna need a bike. :'''Rex:''' Can't believe you survive that! You must be the luckiest guy on the-- These are nanites. :''[Lance groans]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Oh, come on! :'''Six:''' Something wrong? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Prototypes. I prefer tried-and-tested. And I don't even know what we're going to do with half of this stuff. :'''Bobo:''' You're goin' soft, gettin' worked over by a bunch of goofballs on motorcycles. :'''Rex:''' They had weapons. :'''Bobo:''' Last time I checked, so did you. :'''Rex:''' Yeah, but not while I'm on my bike. I'm strictly one at a time. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites that have infected his body are slowly poisoning him. I've never seen anything like it. :'''Rex:''' Do what you can, Doc? I'm gonna go out and look for those racers. :'''Bobo:''' Sounds dangerous. :'''Rex:''' Sure, Bobo. You can come, too. The nanites we found on the biker gave off a different energy signature. Gonna use one of Holiday's new toys to try to scan for it. A bunch of them. And they're moving fast. :'''Bobo:''' Then step on it! Maybe Holiday has a point about prototypes! :'''Rex:''' Or maybe they're not on the streets. I'll watch the road. You watch the screen. :'''Bobo:''' Gotta warn you-- Chimps make bad navigators! :'''Rex:''' Just do it! :'''Bobo:''' Hmm? Left! You're goin' left! Make a right! Another right! :'''Rex:''' Which way? :'''Bobo:''' I don't know! That way-ish! Wah! Like I said-- Monkeys make great navigators! This is your biker gang? :'''Rex:''' They had weapons before I'm telling you-- They're tough! :'''Bobo:''' If you say so. :''[Bobo grunts]'' :'''Bobo:''' Wall. :''[Bobo and Rex grunts]'' :'''Moss:''' That's some fancy ridin'. You following us, kid? :'''Rex:''' Still think they don't look tough? :'''Bobo:''' I take it back. :'''Moss:''' Who are you, kid? 'Cause whoever you are, you're not bad. :'''Rand:''' You're awesome! Where'd you learn to ride like that? Anybody with that kind of skill should be with us. Yeah! :'''Moss:''' What's your secret? :'''Rex:''' No secret. I'm just built that way. :'''Lunk:''' Is that guy from TV-- The one who fights EVOs. :'''Bobo:''' Five bucks for pictures, ten bucks for autographs. :'''Rand:''' A talking monkey! Outrageous! I gotta have one. Is he for sale? :'''Bobo:''' Brother, you can't afford me. :'''Rex:''' You guys seem tight-- For guys who try to kill each other. :'''Rand:''' We're not killers. We're racers. This is a legitimate sport. :'''Moss:''' It is what it is. Our races aren't for the weak. Name's Moss. You've met Rand. :'''Rex:''' He tried to blow me up. :'''Rand:''' I missed. You're welcome. Come on, don't leave me hangin'. :'''Moss:''' Never met a celebrity who could ride. :'''Rex:''' I caught you, didn't I? :'''Moss:''' But are you tough enough try me? :'''Rex:''' Try me. :'''Bobo:''' You gotta fight back? :'''Rex:''' With what? :'''Bobo:''' Oh, brother. Fine, leave it to Chimpy. Aah! I'll take that. Phbt! :'''Rex:''' Something else on the map-- Moving fast! And it's big! :'''Providence Agent:''' Halt! You kids! Pull over! Now! :'''Moss:''' Cops! :'''Bobo:''' Worst than cops-- Providence. :'''Rex:''' The bikes give off a nanite signature. They must have tracked it. :'''Providence Agent:''' Rex, what are you doing here? :'''Rex:''' Research. You don't want to get caught up in this! Back off now! Sorry, guys. Have Black Knight sent me the bill. :'''Rand:''' Ha! No way! You want to beat me, you gotta step your game up. Aah! :''[Rand groans]'' :'''Rex:''' Rand! :'''Bobo:''' Don't stop! Kid's wearing armor. He's fine. :'''Rex:''' No! Something's wrong! :''[Rand groans]'' :'''Rex:''' What is this thing? Doc? Get over here quick. We've got another one. :'''Biker gangs:''' WHOO-HOO-HOO! :''[Biker gangs laughs]'' :'''Biker gangs:''' Yeah! :'''Moss:''' We thought you'd bailed on us. Where were you? :'''Rex:''' Watching a doctor try to save Rand's life. :'''Moss:''' Racers get sick sometimes. It's part of the life. :'''Rex:''' Those nanite power sources-- you got to stop using them. To feel one with the road, that rush? So some people get sick. When we're on our rides, nothing else matters. :'''Rex:''' Your rides are killing you! You're gonna be dead-- All of you! And for what? So you can go a little faster? :'''Moss:''' We need those things to ride. You know what it's like. :'''Lunk:''' Please. Don't take our bikes away. :'''Rex:''' Nobody's going to take your bikes. But I need to know where you got those nanites. :'''Lunk:''' ''[sighs]'' A guy named Valve. He supplies the superchargers. :'''Moss:''' You're wasting your time. Valve never talks to anybody. :'''Rex:''' He'll talk to me. :'''Bobo:''' Been in a lot of bad biker dives, but this is the worst I've ever seen. :'''Valve:''' Enter, strangers. The biker will see you now. Please, sit. May I offer you some tea? :'''Rex:''' I'll pass. :'''Valve:''' Suit yourself. I find a good cup of tea soothing-- for the body and the soul. :''[Valve slurps]'' :'''Valve:''' You don't have to tell the biker why you're here. The biker can tell. You wish to buy a supercharger. :''[Valve slurps]'' :'''Rex:''' Your superchargers are killing people. It's gonna stop. :''[Valve breathes deeply]'' :'''Valve:''' Hmm. That sounds like a challenge. :'''Rex:''' Maybe it is. I'll race you for them. If I win, you hand over your entire stockpile. :'''Valve:''' Shh! Your answer is on the wind. :'''Rex:''' You're... not right in the head, are you? :'''Valve:''' When the wind commands, the impossible game must be gamed. The challenge is accepted. We will race for the superchargers. And when the biker wins... It won't matter. :'''Rex:''' Why is that? :'''Valve:''' Because you'll be dead. Let the race begin. :'''Moss:''' This is his own private track. He knows it better than anyone. You can still back out-- Probably. :'''Rex:''' And let people become poison, like Valve? No. I can take him. Just give me something to hit him with. You guys are walking arsenals. You don't have anything? :'''Moss:''' You didn't think we'd need 'em today. :'''Bobo:''' Oh, boy. :'''Six:''' Message from Holiday. The two sick teens have stabilized, but she's still a ways from finding a cure. :'''Rex:''' It was the only weapon I could find, okay? Can I borrow the sword? :'''Six:''' Use your own. :'''Rex:''' On wheels? It's not gonna happen. :'''Six:''' What's stopping you? :'''Rex:''' Well, for one thing, I-- Um, not sure exactly. :'''Six:''' What have I been teaching you? Focus on what you want and make it happen. No more excuses. :''[Bobo munching]'' :''[Bobo munching]'' :'''Valve:''' You're lucky. One the very best get a chance at this track. :'''Rex:''' Then I should fit right in. Rules of the game-- ten laps. Cross the finish line before the biker, and you may have them. :'''Rex:''' So, is the wind talking to you now? :'''Valve:''' The wind commands the Biker to destroy you. The Biker is happy to oblige. :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Bobo:''' You gonna help him? :'''Six:''' He's doing fine. :'''Bobo:''' Are you watchin' the same race I am? :''[Valve grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' You're in trouble, Rex! No. Keep it together. Keep... it... together. Six said it-- Focus. Focus. Focus! :''[Valve laughs]'' :'''Valve:''' Oblivion. :'''Six:''' Like I sad-- He's doing fine. :'''Rex:''' Double-up! Where have you been all my life? :''[Valve grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' Cute toy. But I like mine better. :'''Valve:''' Aah! :'''Rex:''' Was there any doubt? :'''Bobo:''' Yeah, plenty. :''[Valve panting]'' :'''Rex:''' We had the deal. Remember? :'''Valve:''' Like the storm that changes directions on a whim, the biker is changing the deal. 'Cause the biker-- ''[grunts]'' Doesn't like! ''[grunts]'' The biker-- ''[grunts]'' never loses! ''[grunts]'' Unh! :'''Rex:''' First time for everything. Thank you, Six. :'''Six:''' It was all you, kid. :'''Moss:''' Rand! :'''Biker gangs:''' Oh, Rand! Good to see you! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Completely detoxified. In a couple days, they'll be back to full strength. Those could be useful at the new base. :'''Moss:''' You can't stop us from riding. :'''Rex:''' What's stopping you? You can still ride. You just won't be poisoned by nanites. Come on. Race you back to the garage. :''[Rex rides off]'' :'''Moss:''' ''[Chasing after Rex]'' You heard the man. Hit it! :'''Six:''' You do realize we just turned a group of reckless teenage boys loose on the city. :'''Bobo:''' All in a day's work. ===Heroes United, Part 1=== : '''Rex:''' Six, hold on! Holiday, Six is down! Six is down! This is all your fault! Holiday? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm doing everything I can, Rex. We have to focus on the bigger picture. Six would want us to. : '''Rex:''' Figures the only time I do what Six would want, he's in a coma. : '''White Knight:''' I'll be having the pleasure of helping Providence figure out how to close the rift. The rest of you can deal with that machine. : '''Rex:''' It got blown to bits along with Six, remember? : '''White Knight:''' Don't be so sure. Someone needs to find out what that is and where it went. : '''Ben:''' I can do that. : '''Bobo:''' You-- Ain't doing nothing but sitting pretty and shutting up. : '''Rex:''' And if Six of them pull through, you won't even be able to do that. : '''Ben:''' I'm sorry about your friend, honestly. Obviously, he's important to you. But I have no clue what's even happening here. I've never heard of Providence or EVOs or-- One minute I'm doing a TV interview. The next, hole in the ky, flash a light and I'm punching out a mecha monster. Then I end up in a world where nobody knows me. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' He might actually be telling the truth. Ben's nanite absorption level indicates he came through that rift without any. : '''Rex:''' I thought White Knight was the only living thing on Earth that's nanite-free. : '''Ben:''' So you mean I have those things in me now? Great. Where's my space suit? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' You'll live. Still doesn't explain how you got here. : '''Ben:''' We're probably looking at a parallel world thing. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Parallel worlds are a theory, and a shaky one at that. : '''Ben:''' Are you serious? I go home all the time. Maybe if you knew where that mech alien was from, it might help prove-- : '''Rex:''' Quit talking! : '''Ben:''' Exactly. Nothing's gonna get answered sitting around here. : '''Rex:''' In case you hadn't noticed, we're holding you under house arrest. : '''Ben:''' You aren't holding me. I was staying to see how I could help. : '''Big Chill:''' You aren't the only person worried about someone close to you. : '''Rex:''' I got this. : '''White Knight:''' Rex, don't! I hate kids. : '''Caesar:''' Nanite Cloud. These are being drawn in from the atmosphere. Now where are you? So it is you. This is most disturbing. : '''Rex:''' Why don't you just go back where you came from? : '''Big Chill:''' I'm trying to, you do? Oh no. : '''Rex:''' What? : '''Ben:''' Mr. Smoothie isn't here. That's messed up. : '''Rex:''' My partner is in a coma. If you're stressing over a frozen drink, you are totally getting punk-fusted. : '''Ben:''' We're in Bellwood, my hometown, where it should be. But it's all different. Part of me hoped it wouldn't be, but this pretty much proves it. : '''Rex:''' This doesn't prove anything! : '''Ben:''' You know the friend you care about? Well, I have a cousin, a grandfather, a best friend that I care about! They don't exist here! I may never see them again! I'm totally alone! So go ahead! Do your worst. : '''Rex:''' Maybe we can... help each other. : '''Ben:''' You... do that? What's that sound? <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' I'm curious how big brother knows about something from a parallel dimension. : '''Caesar:''' Because I sent it there. In the early days of the Nanite Project, our goal was simple. Construct microscopic machines to cure diseases, grow new cells, regenerate bones. They was a control issue. Some thought a human-machine link was the answer. Others proposed that the machines control themselves. I was in latter cam. I developed the Alpha to control other nanites. To maximize its effectiveness, I had to program Alpha to think for itself. :'''Ben:''' Does a low explanation mean something bad on your Earth too? :'''Rex:''' Yep. :'''Caesar:''' Alpha developed its own consciousness. It evolved into a unique life-form. It wanted a body, but whatever it built burned out. So when Alpha attempted possessing living this, Alpha had to be eliminated. So I built a dimensional disruptor. :'''Ben:''' Looks like a Null Void gun. We got some like those back home, too. ===Heroes United, Part 2=== :'''Alpha:''' The nanites in those creatures. They are different, powerful. Your nanites are weak. I have no use for you. Where is the boy? :'''Holiday:''' His nanites are off limits!! <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' My brother!? Look around! He's not here! :'''Alpha:''' The father is redundant. Now that I found you. <hr width80%> :'''Alpha:''' I cannot merge! What makes you so special, human? Yes. You shelter an Omega. <hr width80%> :'''White Knight:''' Don't let it get to Rex! If it drains his nanites-! :'''Diamondhead:''' Game over. I get it. <hr width80%> :'''Rex''': My most powerful builds came from the Omega nanite. A lot of people are going to get hurt and I can't stop it. What happens when the best you can do just isn't enough? :'''Ben''': You get an Upgrade. :'''Rex:''' Weren't you listening? Alpha has the Omega. :'''Ben:''' I'm not talking about a nanite. :(''Transforms into Upgrade'') :'''Rex''': Hey, what are you- ''[Upgrade merges with Rex]'' Whoa, okay, that feels weird. ''[Upgrade covers Rex's body like a suit]'' Wow, what supposed to happen now? ''[Upgrade's head appears on Rex's left shoulder]'' Uh...don't do that, you freaking me out! :'''Upgrade''': Build something! :'''Rex''': ''[Builds a Smack Arm, which is modified by Upgrade]'' Sweet, so what's the plan? :'''Upgrade''': You build stuff, I make it better. Fight fight fight, we win! :'''Rex''': Works for me! ''[Rex builds a Boogie Pack and blasts off]'' <hr width80%> :'''Alpha''': Organics who rely on machines for their power, I don't need. The machines themselves, now those I will have. ===Phantom of the Soap Opera=== :'''Rex Salazar:''' In a world he never chose and barely understands... ''[Rex looks over the countryside from a cliff, jumps and lands in a snow scene]'' One incredibly good looking guy fights for us all. His name...you know it baby...Rex. ''[jumps into a lake scene]'' Forget train wrecks... ''[punches]'' And car wrecks... ''[kicks]'' Nothing brings the pain like this Rex. ''[runs into city scene. EVO walks down street, Rex runs up, jumps, grabs EVO's head and tears it off. Holds it over his head in victory gesture.]'' :'''Actor in costume:''' Yeah, yeah, that's hilarious kid. :'''Noah Nixon:''' Ah, anytime you want to stop trying to get me fired get back to the tour. :'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. Got caught up in the moment. :'''Actor in costume:''' Ah, dude? :''[Rex puts head back on the man in EVO costume.]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' And on your left, the sound stage where they make the hit TV show Middle School Talent show. :''[Teen girls on tour squeal and run towards it.]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' That's a closed set. ''[Noah pulls on his hair]'' C'mon, this is my first week as a page, I could lose my job! :'''Rex Salazar:''' I got this. ''[pulls girls back from stage with turbines]'' I just don't get girls, how come they get so... ''[notices something behind Noah, acts all excited]'' Huh hu oh huh... oh El Amor de la Pasion del Amor! Why didn't you tell me EADLPDA was made here? :'''Noah Nixon:''' Um, probably because I didn't really believe you actually still watch a soap opera. :'''Rex Salazar:''' It's a telenovela. The actresses are smoking hot. And I don't have cable?...ah c'mon dude don't be a hater. ''[crosses arms]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' Whatever. We're not going in there, they get like ten safety violations a week, no one's allowed in accept crew and studio staff. :'''Rex Salazar:''' You mean like pages? ''[Brushes Noah's shoulder with his hand, smiling. Noah brushes his hand away.]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' No way. My boss is a total butt-buster for the rules and she is always watching. ''[makes binocular with his hands]'' :'''Head Page:''' You got that right bub. ''[Rex looks behind him, and jumps away]'' By the way Page, you lose something? ''[has three girls from Noah's tour group tied up in a rope]'' Found these wandering over by Middle School Talent Show. ''[Noah runs over and unties them, rope falls]'' :'''Head Page:''' ''[points to her left eye]'' I got my one good eye on you, Nixon. :''[On set of telenovela]'' :''[Isabella crying]'' :'''Reymundo:''' Pensabas que yo era tu marido. ¡Pero fue una mentira! Pero la verdad es que soy Reymundo, el hermano diabólico de Reynaldo. :'''Isabella:''' Yo sé, pero todavía te amo. :'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[standing by salad bar in cafeteria looking up at TV screen]'' How can anyone say that's not great! :''[Man in cowboy hat tips his hat to Noah]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa? Celebrities know you? :''[There are drinks on their trays at this point, then in the next frame there are no drinks on their trays and they go over to get drinks.]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' The only one here who knows my name is my boss. I'm just a newb on an internship. :''[Blond girl puts her hand on Noah's shoulder and reaches across him to get a soda, walks away, looks back and gives him a finger gun.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Yeah right, you just got a finger gun from TV weather lady Summer Sonnenshine. :'''Noah Nixon:''' It's the page jacket not me, if you put this thing on everyone would think you work here. Still. I gotta admit it's pretty cool. :'''Rex Salazar:''' Y'know, I didn't even know you'd applied for this. But I guess when you jump ahead in time you gotta expect some surprises...OH MY GOSH... ''[drops tray]'' It's Isabella, from El Amor del Pasion del Amor. :''[Rex throws up his arms, knocks tray into Noah's chest spilling it all over his jacket]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' AHHH! :'''Rex Salazar:''' I know she's even hotter in real life than she is on the... :'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[looks down at tray and jacket]'' Ohhhhh... :'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, okay don't worry... :'''Head Page:''' ''[yelling at another page behind Rex]'' You call yourself a page! :'''Rex:''' Okay worry. ''[puts his fingers together]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' This is a huge violation of the dress code, oh I am so fired! :'''Rex Salazar:''' No you're not. Come on, move! :''[They run to a supply closet.]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' I've gotta lead another tour in forty-five minutes. We can't get to a dry cleaners and back in forty-five minutes. :'''Rex Salazar:''' This is my bad, but I can fix this. ''[Noah panicking, rocking and hyperventilating]'' We just have to calm down and think. Just calm down. ''[Rex points at Noah]'' Noah, calm down! :''[Rex grabs a bottle of pickles off the shelf, opens the lid and throw contents of jar at Noah's head. A pickle ends up in Noah's mouth, he spits it out.]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' Not helping. ''[Noah, calm now and not hyperventilating and rocking, wipes pickle juice out of his eyes.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, listen we passed the wardrobe department on the tour, they've gotta have a washer and dryer right? :'''Noah Nixon:''' Uh... yeah, I guess? :'''Rex Salazar:''' Alright, good, give me your outfit and stay put, I'll take care of everything else. :''[Scene change. Sign which says laundry stages commissary.]'' :''[Rex runs towards laundry, passes stage of telenovela. Grins and stops. Looks into open door. Looks down at soiled jacket. Up at stage doorway. Walks away. Runs back and grins bigger. Walks into stage with Noah's jacket on.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh-- :'''Isabella:''' Finally! You are here! :''[Isabella kisses Rex all over his face.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' This is happening, right? I'm not going to wake up and be making out with my pillow again am I? :'''Isabella:''' Come with me, they want to cancel us you know. That's why the studio puts us here in this place falling apart with all the accidentes. :'''Rex Salazar:''' Soap operas do not get the respect they deserve. :'''Isabella:''' You are very wise for your age. We don't even go backstage anymore. Too dangerous. :''[A silhouette of a rat is seen, it squeaks]'' :'''Beatriz:''' Is that our page? :'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh... :''[Rex falls]'' :'''Isabella:''' He's mine, I saw him first! :''[Rex gets up and Isabella grabs him.]'' :'''Isabella:''' He is mine!!! :'''Rex Salazar:''' Hum? :'''Beatriz:''' Why don't we let him decide? :'''[Rex is being pulled back and forth]'' :'''Isabella:''' You would like that wouldn't you? :'''Beatriz:''' Yes I would! Very much. :'''Isabella:''' Fine. :''[Girls growl at each other and walk away.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[grinning]'' Did they just cat-fight over me? :''[The girls come back with lists.]'' :'''Isabella:''' Here is a list of what I need you to do! :'''Beatriz:''' And here's mine! :'''Rex Salazar:''' You want me to work on the show? :'''Beatriz:''' Claro que si, we haven't had a page on set in ages. :'''Rex Salazar:''' But I'm not ... ''[looks over the girls]'' ...able to think of one reason why I would pass this up. :''[Screen cuts to Noah looking out the door. He sees the chief page and closes the door quickly, after that, the scene changes back to Rex carrying boxes of water with yogurt on top.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' I got your yogurt, but I couldn't find the water you wanted. So I got these. :'''Isabella:''' You are dead to me! But I will take this one. ''[takes yogurt]'' :''[Rex stares in shock and drops the boxes full of water.]'' :''[Old man walks in a dressing room, and Reynaldo comes out soon later.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, it's Reynaldo! Uh, coffee? ''[offers him a mug of coffee]'' :'''Reynaldo:''' Gracias. :'''Rex Salazar:''' Leche? :'''Reynaldo:''' How dare you! I am lactose intolerant. :'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh, okay, didn't know that. Sugar? :''[Reynaldo knocks the sugar out of his hand.]'' :'''Reynaldo:''' Real men take their coffee strong and hot. Are you suggesting that I am not a real man? :''[Rex looks around and the phone rings.]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex, where are you? :'''Reynaldo:''' No phone! ''[Reynaldo knocks the phone out of his hand.]'' You will talk to me face to face. Mano a mano! ''[grabs Rex's jacket]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey wait what are you... ''[Reynaldo pulls Rex away from table. Stage light falls where Rex was standing]'' ...Oh, thanks! :''[Everyone runs up to them.]'' :'''Beatriz:''' Not another accidente! :'''Isabella:''' ''[scared]'' Ay. Dios mio! No! :'''Rex Salazar:''' It's okay, I'm fine. :'''Isabella:''' ''[pushes Rex down]'' My jogurt! :'''Rex Salazar:''' I'd hate to be the guy that has to clean that up... ''[whispers to man though they look at him]'' Oh. ''[Reynaldo hands him the mop.]'' :'''Beatriz:''' If I didn't know better, I'd say that someone was trying to kill us. :'''Reynaldo:''' Someone is. The head of the studio is trying to kill our soap opera. That's why he put us in this accursed stage, with all these accidentes. But we... ''[another stage light falls and hits his head, he falls to the ground]'' Aahh... Por que? Ay. :''[Rex looks up and sees a mongoose...runs after it...goes backstage. Sees clowns and a sign saying “Mongo”.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Ugh! Clowns. :''[The mongoose squeaks.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Lemme guess. You're the one who's been causing all the accidents. :''[Mongo growls, bears teeth]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, let's say we can wrap this up quietly. Last thing I need is someone wondering why the guy in the page jacket can do this. ''[wraps Mongo up in the whip thing, Mongo gets tiny, escapes, growls]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Guess that explains how you've been able to hide out back here. ''[Mongo pulls lever cannon comes out of floor and fires at Rex. Platform falls Rex dodges. Mongo squeaks]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Can we please do this a little more quietly and with a lot less YOU trying to kill me? :''[Mongo jumps into the “O” of his name on the sign.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Wait, that's you, isn't it? You just want your job back. I can help you. ''[reaches in and tries to cure him Mongo runs out and traps Rex's hand]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Enough with the booby traps, I'm trying to help you. ''[Mongo sets off another trap]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh-oh. [makes big fist, weight on rope swings and hits Rex, makes noise] :'''Beatriz:''' What's going on back there? :'''Isabella:''' Where is that page? I am beginning to wonder ...HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE FOR HIM TO CLEAN UP MY JOGURT!!!! :'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Getting thrown around back stage]'' Ouch. ''[gets beat up by mechanical clowns]'' :''[Mongo cuts stars from ceiling they fall and cut Rex's jacket]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Ok, New plan-- First I smash your face, then I cure you. :''[Mongo knocks over equipment]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' No. ''[grabs equipment, Mongo jumps on his arm, punches him and he falls]'' Oww! Look out! :''[Actors run from set, Rex falls and smashes set]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Uhh, okay here's the deal—all the accidents you've been having they were caused by an EVO backstage. It used to be a mongoose and now it wants it's old job back. ''[last wall of stage set falls behind him]'' :'''Beatriz:''' What are jou talking about? :'''Isabella:''' We just saw you ruin our set. :'''Reynaldo:''' You are trying to destroy this soap opera just like the rest of them! It is true what they say, this sound stage must be cursed for us to have such a horrible page such as you, Senior... ''[looks at name badge]'' Noah Nixon. :'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, wait. This isn't Noah's fault. :''[Three actors gasps]'' :'''Reynaldo:''' ''[tears off his own shirt]'' Now you insult us by talking about yourself in the third person! Somehow we must rebuild and finish our shoot! But as soon as we do, Noah Nixon, I will have you fired! :''[Workers fixing set, Rex's phone rings.]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex! Finally. How's the jacket? :'''Rex Salazar:''' Umm. Well, the good news is you won't notice the stain anymore. Hey uh, by the way, your page training, did it include anything about the creepy backstage in studio B? :'''Noah Nixon:''' What? Why are you-- :'''Rex Salazar:''' No reason. I was just thinking, hypothetically, what would happen if I used your jacket to take a quick peek at the telenovela and ended up chasing some killer EVO mongoose? Hypothetically... Uh...Noah? :'''Noah Nixon:''' Sorry, just trying to figure out how to tell my parents I have no future. :'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey I got this. I hit a little snag. Just keep your pants on. :'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[sitting the maintenance closet in his underwear]'' Heh! :'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry, look, you don't have anything to worry about all I have to do is catch the EVO before they finish shooting and clear my... your name. :'''Noah Nixon:''' You know what? I'm not worried. I am completely resigned to the fact that I am losing my job. ''[Noah hangs up on Rex. Rex hears dial tone.]'' :'''Beatriz:''' ''[to Reynaldo]'' You are bleeding! :'''Reynaldo:''' What I am is an actor! We must shoot this scene. We cannot let them cancel us! ''[moans and falls on his face crushing a chair]'' :'''Beatriz:''' You cannot go on. :'''Isabella:''' If only there were someone else here who knows our show, is fluent in Spanish, and will do a scene in which he kisses me. :'''Rex Salazar:''' I'll do it!!! :'''Reynaldo:''' You? The one who ruined our set and lied about the EVO? I'd rather die! But then, my life will surely end if the show is canceled, so maybe... But no! It's impossible. But yet, what is more impossible than a dream. Nothing means more than my dream of saving this telenovela! :'''Rex Salazar:''' So, is that a-- :'''Reynaldo:''' Si. You will be our savior. And then I will have you fired. Accion! :''[Rex is dressed as Reynaldo. Takes Isabella in his arms and looks deep into her eyes, smiles..then turns away, sees Mongo and gasps. Isabella pulls his face back to her and puckers for a kiss. Mongo squeaks and runs out the door and Rex turns his eyes towards it.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[thinking]'' Okay no kiss, but you're gonna save Noah's job! ''[groans]'' Nope. Doesn't make it any better. ''[Runs out Isabelle runs after him, trips on his wig and falls to the ground gasping, reaching after him]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[makes Rex Ride to chase Mongo down alley. Runs into a set. Falls]'' Where'd you go? :'''Guy in suit:''' You! Page! Take this script to post, pronto. :'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey wait, I'm not-- :'''Guy in suit:''' Oh? You're not going to do it? Are you talking back to me Mr.... Nixon? :'''Rex Salazar:''' No. Mr. Nixon is not definitely not talking back to whoever you are. ''[takes script, leaves]'' :'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[Points in the other direction of where Rex was going. Rex goes where he's pointing]'' :''[Rex walks by alley hears Mongo munching garbage, sneaks up, tries to cure it. It escapes, Rex corners it in dead end alley]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Oh you're not so tough when you can't hide, are you? ''[Mongo growls and grows huge]'' Oh so you can do that too. ''[Mongo roars, swipes at Rex with claws]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, watch the jacket. I'm in enough trouble already. ''[Sets down scripts. Big fists. Mongo shrinks to escape. Rex falls to the ground. Mongo gets huge again behind him, tries to stomp on Rex, Rex rolls out of the way, Mongo shrinks and runs away, Rex climbs out of hole in ground breathing heavily and falls to ground.]'' :'''Guy in suit:''' ''[walks up]'' Are you kidding me? You still haven't delivered that script? ''[Rex runs off]'' :'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[points in other direction, Rex runs that way]'' :''[Mongo jumps off roof grows huge lands on Rex, grabs script.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, gimme that! ''[grabs Mongo with big fist throws him into a stage building]'' :''[Rex looks in the hole into the stage.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. ''[runs off after Mongo]'' :''[Mongo throws him higher than the roof tops, Rex lands on big feet, Mongo tackles him. Rex lands in front of the post building, grabs remains of script out of Mongo's mouth. Mongo runs away, Rex gathers script remains and hands it to man at post door.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' I think this is for you. ''[runs after Mongo]'' :''[Phone rings]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' Did you catch it? :'''Rex Salazar:''' Not yet, but I delivered a script for you, well, most of it. :'''Noah Nixon:''' I am so dead. :'''Lady with clipboard:''' ''[grabs Rex by the collar]'' Noah Nixon, you're right on time for your two p.m. tour. ''[Gives Rex clipboard and keys]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Driving tram with tourists]'' Uh, there's a building where some TV shows are made and there's another one and oh great there's the giant killer EVO. :''[Mongo chasing tram, Rex steps on gas. Tram goes sloooow. Mongo attacks tram. Rex lands, catches tourists with big hands, flies off on hoverboard]'' :'''Tourist:''' They had better special effects at my kids' school play. :''[Back on soap opera stage]'' :'''Reynaldo:''' I need a bigger reaction from you. Bigger! :''[Rex crashes through ceiling with Mongo hanging on the bottom of his hoverboard, heading towards Isabella.]'' :''[Isabella screams and covers head, Mongo crashes into set]'' :'''Reynaldo:''' Yes! That's it exactly! :''[Mongo growls]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Be careful or you're gonna get the hand. ''[big fists with right hand. Mongo jumps at him, Rex grins and raises his left hand and cures Mongo. Mongo lays on ground cute and unconscious.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' That's not the hand I meant. :''[Actors, stunned, applaud]'' :''[Rex picks up Mongo.]'' :'''Reynaldo:''' You are a good page, Noah Nixon. :''[Mongo wakes up runs around on Rex and perches on his shoulder cutely.]'' :''[At supply closet with Noah, Rex walks in holding torn up jacket]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' Oh, my jacket! ''[Cuddles jacket, then holds it up and glares at Rex through the hole in it. Rex grins guiltily.]'' :''[Head Page walks in, Noah hides jacket, then realizes he is in underwear and tries to hide himself behind jacket.]'' :'''Head Page:''' I got a dozen calls from all over the lot about you, Nixon. I don't know what you were thinking. ''[He sits down, sweat runs down his face, he closes his eyes, frowns, runs head away. Head page grabs him and hugs him.]'' :'''Head Page:''' I'm proud of you, kiddo! It took me sixty seven years to make chief page. I bet you'll get the job in half that time. ''[Noah stands up holding jacket in front of him. Rex and Noah look puzzled Head Page walks to door, turns back]'' :'''Head Page:''' Oh and them soap opera fellas, eh, they got a special reward for you. ''[they look at each other with puzzled frowns]'' :''[Telenovela stage, Noah dressed as Reynaldo. Isabella kisses him.]'' :'''Reynaldo:''' And cut! You look differante than you did before, Noah Nixon. ''[Noah looks up at his blond eyebrows and takes off the wig and mustache. Smiles at Reynaldo. Reynaldo looks at him thoughtfully.]'' :'''Reynaldo:''' I can see you've been to makeup. Good you finally look like a real man! ''[Noah smiles.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' [peeking in from backstage, makes a jealous face as Noah is laughing together with the actors.] It's okay, it's okay. You're a good friend, you're a good friend. :'''Guy in suit:''' You! Quit talking to yourself and get me some coffee! ''[Rex runs off]'' Nixon! :''[Mongo looking down from rafters]'' ===Riddle of the Sphinx=== :'''Egyptian Guide:''' They uncovered the tunnel during routine sewer work. No one has set foot in here in over 3.500 years. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Providence doesn't work the location yet? :'''Egyptian Guide:''' ''[laughs]'' The antiquities comission does not like this Black Knight. They keep her busy with much paperwork. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' The maze looks like it extends for miles. They do that to keep looters out? :'''Egyptian Guide:''' Or to keep something in. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Anything that was trapped in here couldn't be alive after all this time. :'''Egyptian Guide:''' I-I-I must go. :'''Dr. Holiday:''': Watch out! Bobby traps. :'''Egyptian Guide:''' That's not what I'm afraid of. :'''Bobo:''' It's only been a few days since we heard from Holiday. :'''Six:''' Something's wrong. :'''Bobo:''' Maybe she wanted a vacation from you clowns. "Something's wrong." :''[Bobo grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' Providence! She in is trouble. :'''Six:''' Black Knight. And she has your better half. :'''Bobo:''' I'm predictin' an awkward situation. :'''Black Knight:''' Hello, Rex. If you came for your friend, I'll have to disappoint you. :'''Rex:''' That hairy creep? You can keep the traitor. Hey! My faithful guide, why don't you go away while we discuss business? :'''Bobo:''' It's me, you dopey tin can! Beat it! Or the boss lady's gonna get wise to our little switcheroo. :'''Rex:''' What's the campout for? :'''Black Knight:''' Routine scientific research. :'''Rex:''' Look, I know Holiday was here. What'd you do with her? :'''Black Knight:''' We arrived an hour ago. The locals say Holiday unleashed a monster down in the tunnels. The situation's under control. As soon as we've secured the tunnels, I'll send a team in to see if she's still alive. :'''Rex:''' I'm going with you. :'''Black Knight:''' You're going nowhere. You quit Providence. Unless you're recosindering? :'''Rex:''' Come on, guide. Holiday's in those tunnels. But Black Knight has a whole battalion of Providence goons guarding the entrance. :'''Six:''' I figured she'd be no help. That's why I found someone who knows a back way in. :'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The Kushari is healthy. For the stomach, good. :'''Rex:''' Enough about the Kushari! Where's the back entrance? :'''Egyptian Cooker:''' For so young, you in such a hurry. And old cook like me, I live by selling Kushari. Why not buy some? You buy, I give you more information. :'''Bobo:''' Ah, come on. Stop bein' so stingy. Buy some more. :'''Six:''' Where's the back entrance? :'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The sewer man-- They came to fix a leak. They found the tunnel to the entrance in my basement. :'''Bobo:''' Mmm! :'''Rex:''' Way cool! Maybe we'll see some mummies! :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' Tell us where Holiday is! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Where do you think I am? :'''Six:''' Holiday! :'''Bobo:''' So, what's with the halloween get up, doc? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I found it in one of the chambers. Scares off the curious. I need to get to the bottom of all this before Black Knight. :'''Rex:''' The bottom of what? This is all ancient history? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' You can this ancient history? :'''Rex:''' That looks like a nanite! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's because it is a nanite. :'''Six:''' How could they have knowledge back then? :'''Rex:''' Aliens! Like the ones that built the pyramids. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' None of this is more advanced that the 21st century. It's not aliens. I think the answers lie behind this door. But I can't figure out how to open it. :'''Rex:''' Open the door? No problem, Doc! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Stop! This whole place is booby-trapped. We open this wrong, they'll bring the tunnels down on us. :'''Rex:''' If there's a wrong way to open it, then that means there's a right way, too. Maybe the nanite picture is a clue. The whole thing is rigged like one. Told you-- No prob. Whoa, mumies. :'''Bobo:''' What are you lookin' at, beautiful? :'''Rex:''' Ha! Awesome! I'd love to see the look on Knight's face when she finds out we've beat her here. :'''Black Knight:''' Then let me step a little closer so you can see. :'''Six:''' How'd you find us? :'''Black Knight:''' Your mole helped me. :'''Bobo:''' Sorry, pal. :'''Black Knight:''' I should have known better. It's old junk from the dead. :''[Black Knight gasps]'' :'''Guranset:''' Gharun Set is not dead. :'''Rex:''' Put her down! :'''Black Knight:''' This isn't the time for violence. Our host has forgotten his manners. I presume he hasn't had guests in a long time. :'''Guranset:''' Almost an eternity. Gharun Set said has waited for his release. Awaken this cursed prison through the ages. :'''Black Knight:''' You speak English. That is interesting. Who taught your own language, Gharun Set? :'''Guranset:''' I was taught by the great father. :'''Black Knight:''' Father? What did he look me? :'''Guranset:''' He is dead-- As all of you soon shall be! :'''Black Knight:''' Now's the time for violence. :'''Guranset:''' Aah! :'''Black Knight:''' A nanite disrupter. Something I had your brother's lab whip up. It's quite lethal. :'''Rex:''' Looks like the lab forgot to tell him that. :'''Guranset:''' The boy controls the engines of life? It can't be. I laid low the armies of six kingdoms, swordsman. You think your tiny blades can stop me? :'''Rex:''' Try this one for size! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex! :'''Rex:''' Huh? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' His staff is a nanite disrupter. Get it away from him. :'''Rex:''' Easier said than done! :'''Guranset:''' Haah! :'''Rex:''' Oh, mummies! :'''Bobo:''' Yeah, yeah, you got your mummies. I hope you're happy! :'''Six:''' Rex! We can handle this! He's getting away! :'''Guranset:''' One last trap to keep me imprisoned, father. Nothing will keep me from my destiny! You serve his plan, child, and don't even know it. :'''Rex:''' Everybody talk weird in ancient Egypt, or it is just your special thing? Uh... are they supposed to do that? :''[Rex sighs]'' :'''Guranset:''' Finally! I am free! :'''Six:''' These EVO's won't say dead. :'''Bobo:''' Their breath stinks, too! Ah, boy! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' You could thank me for saving your life. :'''Black Knight:''' Dr. Holiday, our lives are not safe yet. :'''Guranset:''' I am not alone. Together, we shall reconquer this land, and then.. the world! :'''Rex:''' Uh, I think the sun's baked him loopy. You can't reanimate that. It's a statue. :'''Guranset:''' This is not statue, child. It is a tomb. Arise, my mighty steed. Arise, my sphinx! :'''Rex:''' Providence, this is Rex. You may want to evacuate Cairo. :'''Guranset:''' This city is a blight upon my kingdom. All shall be as it once was. :'''Rex:''' I'm warning you, Gharun Set-- I don't want to have to get rough with you. Step off the pussycat. :'''Guranset:''' You presume to tell a pharaoph what to do. Be gone! :'''Six:''' Holiday. There's something I want to tell you before it's too late. :'''Bobo:''' Ugh. Hold still! Oh, no. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' All of them. Like the nanites keeping them alive... self-destructed? I'm sorry. What were you going to say? :'''Six:''' Holiday... I, uh... :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hold that thought. :'''Bobo:''' What's it gonna be, the kooky chicks or we go help Rex save the world? :'''Six:''' Rex probably has this under control. Holiday needs my-- our help. :'''Bobo:''' Yeah, I can't resist a good catfight either. :'''Rex:''' Let me handle! This it's too dangerous! :'''Pilot:''' Black Knight, target sighted. It's riding a 50-foot-tall house cat. Please advise. :'''Black Knight:''' Do not harm. Contain and capture. We need that specimen. :''[Black Knight gasps]'' :'''Black Knight:''' Pilot disregard. Last order. Target no longer needed. Destroy. Repeat-- Destroy. :'''Pilot:''' You're with the lady. Lock and load. :'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa! Get out of here! I don't know what he's up to, but it's not good. :'''Garunset:''' Behold the majesty of my dream. My kingdom! My paradise! :'''Rex:''' Whoa! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' What is this place? :'''Black Knight:''' It's the stuff of legends. The fabled hall of records which lay hidden beneath where the sphinx once was. :'''Bobo:''' "Was"? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' This can't be! That's the helix splitter. And that looks like a nano-flux inducer. Caesar built the first prototype of one last year. :'''Black Knight:''' I can't let you touch any of this. It's too unstable with age. When you blundered in the tomb, you set off a safeguard. Someone thought this room too dangerous for the world to know about. :'''Bobo:''' Agreed. Let's scram! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't! Don't you know what this means to science? The knowledge in here is invaluable. It cannot be lost-- Again! :'''Black Knight:''' It won't be! Now that we know where it is, we can dig it out later. We will study it. I promise you that. :'''Six''': Holiday. Let it go. :'''Guranset''': As father promised-- I will rule forever. :'''Rex''': Forever is gonna be shorter than you think. :'''Guranset''': No! Nooooo! :'''Rex''': Aw, come on! I didn't hit you that hard! :''[Guranset gasps]'' :'''Rex''': What's happening to you? :''[Guranset gasps]'' :'''Guranset''': Aaaaaaaaah! :''[Guranset grunts]'' :'''Guranset''': Do not touch your pharaoh. :'''Rex''': You need help. Your nanites are dying of old age-- I think. It's like starting an old car. Uh, o-or a camel. Let me help you. I can fix your nanites, and then maybe-- :'''Guranset''': Lies! :'''Rex''': You're in a strange time, a strange place. We have science, machines. We can help you. Trust us. :'''Guranset''': Like you trust the woman you call Black Knight? I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it. Father told me of you... Rex. :'''Rex:''' What? How do you know my-- :'''Guranset''': I would have helped the world. Ended the hunger, the wars. But now he will return. Avenge me. ''[Echoing]'' I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it. <hr width80/> :'''Black Knight:''' You wanted something? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' The hall of records-- You can't keep it a secret. It must be studied. That hall-- :'''Black Knight:''' What hall? :'''Rex:''' Why'd you do that?! Holiday said-- :'''Black Knight:''' Some secrets are best left buried under the sands, Rex. :''[Dr. Holiday grunts]'' :'''Black Knight:''' Gentleman. Dr. Holiday. :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, what'd you want to tell me back in the tomb? :'''Six:''' It can wait. :'''Rex:''' Don't wait too long. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' All those priceless artifacts. And we still don't know who created Gharun Set. ===Guy vs. Guy=== :'''Rex:''' This means war. <hr width80%> ===Double Vision=== : ''[The episode starts as a butterfly flies through plants in a flower shop. Suddenly, Rex is thrown into the shop window, making nearby civilians run away. Rex gets up and looks out of the broken glass, seeing a beastly plant EVO, a few people watching, and Agent Six slashing his swords around to evade the EVO's tentacles.]'' : '''Rex:''' ''[Pants and brushes leaves off his sleeve and puts on goggles.]'' Not bad! : ''[Uses the Punk Busters to jump out of the shop and generates his Smack Hands to uppercut the EVO, causing it to crash into a nearby building.]'' But I'm better! : ''[The EVO gets out of the glass windows and roars, attacking Agent Six.]'' : '''Agent Six:''' ''[Cuts off a tentacle and walks towards Rex.]'' Talk is cheap, Rex. Prove it. : '''Rex:''' ''[Generating the Smack Hands.]'' No problemo. : ''[The EVO rushes towards Rex, unfortunately, Rex grabs it and slams it onto the ground. A random girl is driving up the road on a moped. However, she is stopped as the EVO blocks the path.]'' : '''Rex:''' ''[Putting his hands up to assure the girl.]'' Nothing to worry about, I've got this handled. ''[Turns to EVO, whom is still on the floor.]'' Okay big guy, say adiós to those nasty nanites. : '''Rex:''' ''[Rex kneels down to cure the EVO, flowers spout out of the EVO]'' Aw, for me? Does this mean we're dating? : ''[Suddenly, the flowers shoot out some goo into Rex's face, making him slam onto the floor, a crowd forms around the battle.]'' : '''Rex:''' ''[Yelps while getting up and pulls his goggles off and wipes the goo off his face.]'' Oh, that's better. ''[He gives his goggles to the random female on the moped]'' Hey! Watch these for me. ''[Runs back into battle and generates the Punk Busters and kicks the blacked out EVO over a building.]'' Goal! Hey thanks for holding onto my...huh?... : ''[Rex turns around to see the girl missing from the crowd. Deforming his Punk Busters, he spots the girl riding away on her moped. She turns to look back at Rex, appearing to have on his goggles.]'' : '''Rex:''' Goggles! : ''[Rex puts one of his hands up to signal for her to wait, but the EVO returns and wraps its tentacle around Rex's neck. The EVO twists Rex in mid-air in the sky for a minute before slamming him onto the cement. Rex gets up and sees the goggle girl riding away out of sight.]'' : '''Rex:''' Hey! You've got my...ungh...goggles... Aah! Ungh! Did you see that girl?! She stole my goggles! : '''Agent Six:''' Priorities, Rex. : '''Rex:''' They are my priority, Six. I can pound EVOs any day. Those goggles are-- Ah, great. Who invited her? : '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, gentlemen. We've got this covered. : '''Rex:''' We don't need any help. Whoa! Whoa! Ungh! : '''Black Knight:''' Obviously. Control collar-- Now. We'll take it from here. : '''Rex:''' Take it from whe-e-re?! I've already got this under contro-o-o-o-l! Whoa! Ugh! Let me try to cure it. : '''Black Knight:''' The new Providence protocol is to confine, constrain and control. If curing is an option, it will be considered-- At my discretion. : '''Rex:''' Control? I can cure it now and end this. : '''Black Knight:''' The offer still stands. If you want to come back to Providence, you can continue your mission. : '''Rex:''' I have my mission! : '''Black Knight:''' Curing every EVO on Earth isn't a mission, Rex. It's an impossibility. : '''Rex:''' Watch me. : '''Black Knight:''' Everybody back! Contain those seedlings! : '''Rex:''' You just made it worse! Now I've got to clean up your mess. Starting with this guy. See? Fearing works! : '''Black Knight:''' It was your actions that exacerbated this situation. I want full containment and control over those seedlings. Move out-- Now. : '''Agent Six:''' While you were arguing, Holiday found another sprout. Let's go deal with that before Providence does. : '''Rex:''' But-- My goggles! : '''Agent Six:''' Focus, Rex. We've got work to do. : '''Rex:''' Nice work! : '''Agent Six:''' Drop in the bucket. Look below. : '''Rex:''' Wow. And I thought I'd be able to knock off early today. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' On the contrary, Rex. By overlaying current worldwide wind patterns on top of international population centers, we're looking at total global infestation within thirty-eight hours. : '''Bobo:''' Ooh, that's a lot of roughage. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' I need to get in the field and obtain some live samples. Bobo and I will meet you at the rendezvous point in the mobile command center. : '''Rex:''' Okay, doc. We're almost there. Hey! It's that girl! Wh-o-o-o-oa! : '''Agent Six:''' What's gotten into you, Rex? : '''Rex:''' My goggles-- I can't see without them! : '''Agent Six:''' Obviously, you can see without them. : '''Rex:''' Well, yeah, but I really need them a lot of the time. Don't you remember when I first got them? : '''Agent Six:''' Actually, no. : '''Rex:''' Oh. Sorry. My bad. It was early on, when I was just learning to control my powers. Whoa! : ''[Rex gasps]'' : '''Rex:''' Aaaah! Aah! Aaaaah! Oof! : '''Agent Six:''' Horse manure. : '''Rex:''' This is exactly why I need my goggles! Hey! I thought this thing was just a sprout! : '''Agent Six:''' It's the nature of plants to grow. : '''Rex:''' Hm. Very Zen of you, Six. Well, it's the nature of me to kick EVO butt! Whoa! Oof! Yuck! This stuff really stinks! : '''Agent Six:''' All yours. : '''Rex:''' Ta-da! And for my next trick... Oh, and look who's late to the party. : '''Black Knight:''' ''[Entering]'' Alpha team, I want you to lay down suppressive fire and-- : ''[Realizing the EVOs not there]'' : '''Black Knight:''' Belay that. Sit Ops, I was told we had a Class-Three EVO situation here. Where is the EVO? : '''Rex:''' ''[Rex hands her flowers]'' Sorry. This is all that's left. Six, are we good here? I've got to run. : '''Agent Six:''' I'd put those in water. : '''Black Knight:''' Unh! : '''Rex:''' Slow down! I just want to-- Ungh! : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex:''' Huh? What?! No way! Hey! You've got my-- Ugh! Whoa! ...Goggles. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've got bigger problems than a girl on a scooter, Rex. First a flower shop, then gardening supplies. It's getting hungrier. Gentlemen, I suggest you get to the sewage-treatment plant as quickly as possible. : '''Rex:''' Huh? Why? : '''Agent Six:''' Fertilizer, Rex, as in if those sprouts chow down on that much raw nourishment, we're in some deep... : ''[Plant EVO bursts through a nearby wall]'' : '''Rex:''' ...Horse maneure. Hungry? Eat this! : '''Agent Six:''' Holiday, get to the sewage plant. We'll meet you there after we clean up. : '''Bobo Haha:''' Clean up? I'd rather make a mess! Shoulda brought my chainsaw. : '''Agent Six:''' Shoot the seedlings! : '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, this time I'm going to-- : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Hey! Wait! Aw, man! Back off! : ''[Rex panting]'' : '''Bobo:''' You went a little nuts there, buddy. I like it! But... Goggles? : '''Rex:''' That EVO interrupted before I could finish the story. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Agent Six:''' Here, kid. Try these on. : '''Rex:''' Um, so I can look like a total doofus? : '''Agent Six:''' You have no idea how unique these goggles are, Rex. A reclusive weaponsmith in Zurich crafted this single pair before he turned EVO. : '''Rex:''' Really? And then what happened to him? : '''Agent Six:''' I did. He won't be crafting any more goggles. : '''Rex:''' Cool! : '''Agent Six:''' These are one-of-a-kind, Rex-- Special, for you. : '''Bobo:''' What a bunch of chimp chips! Those goggles are-- Whoa! : '''Rex:''' Wow. That is a lot of rampaging EVO. : '''Bobo:''' Yeah. Lucky holiday-- She's right in the thick of it. : '''Rex:''' Lucky? : '''Bobo:''' She gets to try out all the special modifications I made to that sweet ride. : ''[Dr. Holiday grunts]'' : '''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Plant EVO has Holiday trapped inside the Mobile Command Center]'' Okay. Let's see how you like 10,000 volts of-- : ''[Holiday presses a button, and music starts playing]'' : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo's mix tape?! Who puts the stereo next to the weapons system?! One more time-- Big red button. Always go for the big red button. Unless you don't want to drain the batteries to zero. : ''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo, your improvements could use some improvements. Rex, if you're not too busy, I'd appreciate a little assistance. : '''Bobo:''' Hey, ain't that your girlfriend? : '''Agent Six:''' She can take care of herself, right, Rex? : '''Rex:''' Right-- For now. : ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]'' : '''Dr. Holiday:''' That's more like it. Ungh! Fine! Let's see how you like this! I don't know what you just did, Rex, but thanks. Rex? : '''Black Knight:''' I admit our last encounter didn't end well, but I think we need to work together on this one. : '''Rex:''' You want to work together? We left Providence, remember? : '''Black Knight:''' Rex-- : '''Rex:''' What happened to "stay out of my way"? : '''Black Knight:''' Rex! : '''Rex:''' So now when you need somebody to take out your trash, you can just forget that I quit your crummy organization? : '''Black Knight:''' Yes, Rex, I can, because I don't let my emotions guide my choices. I only want what's best for Providence-- And the world. : '''Rex:''' Okay, cool. Just wanted to hear you say it. Aah! : ''[Rex grunting]'' : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, the EVO is too big to cure without getting to its core. : '''Rex:''' Yeah, well, I'm not doing much good out here! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' All those vines, the seedlings, everything-- They're just puppets to the plant. Stop those nanites in the core, and you cut the strings. : '''Rex:''' On it! Huh?! : '''Agent Six:''' Watch it, Rex. : '''Rex:''' Whoa! All I want are my goggles. All I've wanted all day are my goggles, and this EVOs been blocking me over and over! Hey, Bobo, you know how to shoot one of these? : '''Bobo:''' Eh, how hard could it be? : '''Rex:''' Load me into this thing and point it right at that EVO's sweet spot. And hurry. I got better stuff to do. : '''Bobo:''' You do know that's 30,000 gallons of raw sewage you're aimin' at? : '''Rex:''' Don't remind me. Oh... Yuck! Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck! : '''Agent Six:''' Elegant solution, Rex. : '''Bobo:''' You don't smell elegant. You stink worse than me. I'm a little jealous. : '''Black Knight:''' All right, Rex. Get to work. : '''Rex:''' Work? What do you mean? I just served that vegetable! : '''Black Knight:''' You cut the strings, but you still have to fix the puppets. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' She's right, Rex. : '''Black Knight:''' You want to cure the world? Start curing. : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex:''' Whoa, man, I'm beat! I don't think I can move another inch if you paid me. : ''[Goggle girl rides past him]'' : '''Rex:''' Gotta move! See ya! Hey! Stop for a second! Six, I'm really starting to think this girl's got some kind of EVO action going on-- Teleporter, speedster, something. : '''Goggle girl:''' Hey! : '''Rex:''' Huh? Six, she's not just a teleporter. She can make doubles of herself-- Multiple abilities! She's an EVO, like me! : '''Goggle girl:''' It's the skeevy guy who's been chasing me. He was chasing me, too. And me. What do you want? : '''Rex:''' You took my goggles! I want them back! : '''Goggle girl:''' Hey, Einstein, did you see our logo? That stands for "Goggle Girl", as in the delivery service. You haven't ever heard of us? : '''Rex:''' Um... No. : '''Goggle girl:''' "Nothing is cuter than a girl on a scooter." Kind of hard to miss. : ''[Goggle girl groans]'' : '''Goggle girl:''' It's the worst slogan ever. : '''Rex:''' But-- But my goggles! : '''Goggle girl:''' Part of our costume. The boss buys them in bulk, along with these cheesy wigs he makes us wear. It's kind of lame. : '''Rex:''' In bulk?! Those goggles?! But... They're one-of-a-kind! They're special! They're-- They're... I'll just go now. Nope. Nope. Definitely not. : '''Agent Six:''' I still don't know why those goggles were so important to you. : '''Rex:''' You gave to me, Six. It was the first present, the first nice thing that I remember getting since you found me. You said they were special, and that made me feel special. : '''Six:''' Yes, about those goggles... Apparently, according to Bobo, I may have misled you. There was dozens of them in the Providence service bay. : '''Rex:''' I knew the story was fake, but you told it because you cared about me. That's what made them special. : '''Agent Six:''' I see. : '''Bobo:''' Hey, champ. You got a package. : '''Goggle girl:''' Sign, please. : '''Agent Six:''' It's for you. From us. Just open it. : '''Rex:''' My goggles! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Better. We commissioned an enhanced version. : '''Rex:''' Cool! Infrared... Microscopic... Nanovision?! Thanks, you guys. You really are one-of-a-kind. : '''Bobo:''' Those are great, but these are me. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need to hold on to them for a few more hours while I run a full diagnostic. : '''Rex:''' A few hours?! I just got them! Aw! : '''Bobo:''' Here-- Because I care. : '''Goggle girl:''' They actually look kinda cute. : '''Rex:''' Hey, doc! No rush! : '''Bobo:''' Ain't love grand? ===Black and White=== : '''Calan:''' Be advised, we've got activity. Major activity. Stop right there, or we'll shoot! Don't make me do it. : '''Rex:''' Okay, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like. : '''Calan:''' Calan to command, tell Black Knight-- We have apprehended the intruders. Repeat, we got'em. : '''Rex:''' No! Get out of my head! Stop it! Stop! Stop with the talking! A dream. Oh, thank you! For a second, I swore that I heard his voice. It was almost like he was in the-- Room. Huh?! : '''White Knight:''' I was wondering if I was gonna have to send the monkey in with a bucket of water. But I thought, "why should he have all the fun?" Five minutes-- Situation room. Consider this your wake-up call. : '''Rex:''' Aren't you supposed to be playing dead? You're lucky Black Knight doesn't know you're here. : '''White Knight:''' Black Knight thinks what I want her to think. With the installation of the new regime, I suspected that there was more going on at providence than just this new control protocol. I decided to test my hypothesis. I needed time to operate freely without prying eyes. So I went off the grid. : '''Rex:''' And from the smell of it, you haven't changed out of your suit since then. : ''[Bobo sniffs]'' : '''White Knight:''' I've been busy. I've been tracking their operations. They involve familiar locales and even more familiar machinery. : '''Rex:''' You still use a camera with film? Do they even make that stuff anymore? : '''White Knight:''' What they don't make are machines like these. This is the wreckage of Rylander's lab. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Are they doing what I think they're doing? : '''Rex:''' Do what? : '''White Knight:''' It appears that this new Providence is restarting the nanite program. : '''Rex:''' There is no way my brother would help restart something that nearly destroyed the world. There's got to be a good explanation. We should just ask him. : '''White Knight:''' We can't risk direct contact. We need to infiltrate Providence, download her computer banks, and assess how far along they are before we take any other actions. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over there. : '''Rex:''' Just saying there's more here than meets the eye. Whoa! : '''Six:''' Breaking into Providence? That's a big move, even for you. Black Knight is sure to have enhanced the security systems. We may be able to breach the perimeter defenses, but once inside, we'd be blind targets. : '''White Knight:''' You'd be right if we were playing on her board. : '''Six:''' Forgive me for doubting you. : '''Rex:''' Okay, is someone gonna tell me what these are for? This is so not going to work. : '''Six:''' Trust the plan. : '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, so, maybe they worked. But how'd you get them to do it on cue? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' All a matter of timing. Assuming we get past the outer perimeter, securing the data is a completely different story. Providence encrypts all data. We need to disable multiple units before we can download anything off the mainframe. Doing that undetected is ''[sighs]'' insane. : '''Rex:''' Finally, a voice of reason. I'm calling my brother. Took the lady with three phds to realize what I've been saying all along is right. Hey, that costs money! I'm over my minutes! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you... This is... : '''Six:''' Doable. : '''Rex:''' Do what? What is that? A secret passage. : '''White Knight:''' When they built the tower, I had them install, these-- Upper-management corridors. : '''Six:''' In the old days, they called passages like these the king's road. : '''White Knight:''' From here, we face some unknowns. Stick to the plan. Or we could die. : '''Rex:''' What?! Me?! What about you?! Part of the plan was to do this quietly. : '''Calan:''' Stop right there, or we'll shoot! : ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]'' : '''Rex:''' Here we go. Ok, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like. : '''White Knight:''' Stand down, Rex. : ''[Calan laughs]'' : '''Calan:''' Welcome back, sir. We've been waiting for you. : '''Rex:''' Que, huh? : '''Calan:''' Sorry for the scare, Rex. We couldn't guarantee the Black Knight wasn't taper our communications. It was best to keep radio silence. In any case-- Say hello to your man on the inside. He've got a bomb! All units, fall back, fall back! Captain Calan, do you copy? Report. : '''White Knight:''' Ready for a repeate performance? : '''Calan:''' Ready when you are, sir. Good luck, everyone. They're headed for the... petting zoo. : '''Holiday:''' Here it is. Just like he said. : '''White Knight:''' This is the Hive. The central nervous system of the entire complex. An electric field protects the inner chambers. We'll need the circuit bandage. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' I've got an idea, but you'll have to go in partially naked. We've got eyes everywhere. : '''Six:''' Good. Knight and I will handle the encryption towers. You know what to do with this. : '''Rex:''' No sweat. I'm on it. Just have to make one quick detour. Bro? You in here? Oh, no. No, no, no! : '''Caesar:''' Rex, is that you? What brings you here? : ''[Six groans]'' : '''Six:''' Partially naked. Tower one clear. Proceed to next phase. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Got it. Redirecting the data flow now. : '''Calan:''' Anyone hear for the monkey? : '''Rex:''' Huh?! : '''Bobo:''' Offical pet desk. Keep your distance. : '''Rex:''' Is that Dr. Rylander? : '''Caesar:''' It is. Well, almost. After you brought back Van Kleiss, I couldn't help but to wonder if perhaps I might do the same for him. Unfortunately, Van Kleiss was already great in tune the nanites. As you can see, Dr. Rylander-- wasn't. : '''Rex:''' Ok, whatever. Listen, I'm here on a secret mission. : '''Caesar:''' Secret? : '''Rex:''' White Knight said-- : '''Caesar:''' White Knight is alive? : '''Rex:''' If you can call him that. Anyway, he says... you might wanna sit down for this part? That Black Knight is restarting the nanite program. Don't you think that's messed up? : '''Caesar:''' On the contrary. I'm in charge of it. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Commencing download in T-2 minutes. White Knight has infiltrated sector three. You're right. They are monitoring our movements. How did you know? : '''White Knight:''' It's what I would do. Now start evac protocols. : '''Black Knight:''' I've torn this facility apart looking for that? When I found it, I still couldn't get to it. Bio-feed security system-- Clever. You have to be nanite-free to open it. I guessed you weren't dead. I knew if I let enough info leak about what we're doing here, you've showed up, eventually. I'll take it. : '''White Knight:''' You can try. : '''Black Knight:''' What ever you say. You were the boss. : '''White Knight:''' That's not a providence toy. : '''Black Knight:''' A woman is entitled her secrets. Especially when those secrets keep me alive. : ''[Black Knight grunts]'' : '''White Knight:''' Ohh! What I could've done with you if I hired you first. : '''Black Knight:''' Don't fool yourself, White. : '''White Knight:''' Ohh, ohh, ohh! : '''Black Knight:''' You were bandage at best. the Consortium knew that you weren't the leader for the future. Stand down, old man! : '''White Knight:''' I've got a few secrets of my own, kid. After all, this was my office. Consortium or not, it will be again. : '''Black Knight:''' Ugh! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Be advised, they're on to us. Making for the rendezvous. : '''Six:''' I'll take my swords back now. Please. : '''Rex:''' What are you doing, helping Black Knight? She's obviously the more psycho of the two knights. : '''Caesar:''' I'm not helping the Black Knight do anything. I'm trying to fix things. The day everything changed. We never imagined what would happen when we released the nanites. : '''Rex:''' Release them?! You caused the nanite event?! : '''Caesar:''' It was the only way we were going to save the world. : '''Rex:''' You unleashed the worst man-made disaster the world has ever seen!! You've ruined countless lives!! How can you say that you saved anything?! : '''Caesar:''' You weren't there... not in any way that mattered! If we hadn't-- : '''Rex:''' Hold that thought. Here, doggy, doggy. : '''Six:''' Excessive? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Sweet, actually. Now you're overdoing it. : '''White Knight:''' ''[panting]'' Are we finished here? ''[screams]'' Careful, Black. Your council wouldn't be too pleased if you destroyed the very thing you're after. : '''Black Knight:''' If doesn't have to be like this, White! The Consortium may have lost faith in you, but you know my methods are right. Come back. Under my protection, who knows? There may even be a promotion in it for you. : '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters? : '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you? : '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters? : '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you? : '''White Knight:''' I am going to stop the Consortium. If you or Providence gets in my way, this tape goes public. : '''Black Knight:''' Wait! : '''Caesar:''' Rex, stop! You're destroying my work! : '''Rex:''' Your work is done! And so are we! I got it. Time to blow this-- : '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, Rex. Face it, kiddo... today is not your day. : '''Rex:''' Actually, today's wednesday, and wednesday means fiesta night at the cafeteria. Getting in is going to be cake... very dangerous cake. Any bright ideas on how we're getting out? : '''Bobo:''' I got one word for you, kid-- Plumbing. : '''Rex:''' I got it. Time to blow this... : '''Bobo:''' Taco stand. : '''White Knight:''' Aah! : '''Bobo:''' Me and Van Gogh, unappreciated in our time. : '''Rex:''' All of that-- Was for that?! I got nanites, billions of 'em. : '''White Knight:''' Not like this one, Rex. This is a Meta Nanite. One of several. Hardwired into its design is a program for the original Dominion Code. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Dominion Code? I thought that was a myth. : '''White Knight:''' I can assure you, doctor, it is very real. Each one gives its host control over different building blocks of the universe- matter, antimatter, elemental, space, time, reality. With the complete code, you can control them. And through them, you control ''everything''. In sort, it's the God Code. : '''Rex:''' The Consortium want to be...gods? : '''White Knight:''' If it wasn't for the original Nanite Event scattering the Metas across the globe, they may have already succeeded. The situation has changed, people. Black Knight has been searching the globe for the other Meta-Nanites. She needs them all to complete the Master Program. As long as we're keeping her secret, she'll hold off. But sooner or later, she'll be coming for this with the full power of Providence and the Consortium at her back. So... if you want to move on, forget what I've told you. : '''Rex:''' You're not getting rid of us that easily, old man. My parents died for this. Black Knight wants war, war she gets. ===Deadzone=== : '''Noah:''' You said it was gonna be fun. You said there'd be hot girls, great bands. : '''Rex:''' It was an honest mistake. They called it the world's largest british rock festival. : '''Noah:''' Yeah, because it was a convention for english geologists! : '''Rex:''' Okay, yes, maybe we did just drive two days for some boring science conference because I didn't actually read past the first paragraph of the website. But we did get some cool free Schwag. Look! : '''Noah:''' I've seen it. It's a pile of rocks! : '''Rex:''' No, look! : '''Feakins:''' Hey! What are you doing? Leave me alone! : '''Rex:''' Pull over. : '''Noah:''' You know that guy? : '''Rex:''' Nope. But I know an opportunity to tweak the Black Knight when I see one. : '''Noah:''' No way. I haven't showered in two days. You real haven't showered in two days. This car is not stopping until we get home. Real mature. : '''Rex:''' Just give me five minutes. I'll grab him before they even notice. Think of it this way. At least something fun will come out of this trip. Shh. : '''Feakins:''' I don't understand what you're saying, guy. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Providence Agent:''' Just take a stay back, Rex. You don't know what you're messing with here. : '''Rex:''' Yeah, well, you do know what you're messing with! This! Huh? : ''[Rex grunting]'' : '''Rex:''' Hey! Who's messing with this? : '''Providence Agent:''' Anything you want to add to that smack talk? : ''[Rex chuckles nervously]'' : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Providence Agent:''' Let's go. : '''Rex:''' I don't know what you did to my powers, but I'd keep the hands off the jacket, if I were you. Uh, on second thought, take the jacket. Thinking about a new one anyway. : '''Providence Agent:''' We're gonna bring him with us? He's harmless as long as we've got Feakins. : '''Rex:''' What's a Feakin? : '''Noah:''' Come on, Rex. You gonna stand there all night getting hugs from your old Providence buddies? : '''Rex:''' No, don't! Or, uh, you're gonna make Agent Six over there even more mad than he already is. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Providence Agent:''' Move! : '''Feakins:''' Aah! What are you doing, guy?! : '''Noah:''' So, what's-- : '''Rex:''' Drive! Drive! : '''Noah:''' Aah! Who is he?! What's going on? : '''Rex:''' Who are you? What's going on? : '''Feakins:''' Do either of you have a milkshake? : '''Providence Agent:''' Pull over! : '''Noah:''' You want to get them to stop that? What happened? : '''Rex:''' Let me guess. You're Feakins. : '''Feakins:''' Yeah, and I am very queasy back here! If we don't get me a milkshake, it's not gonna be my fault if my lunch ends up all over this very nice leather seat! : '''Rex:''' Somehow he's fritzing out my powers. It's like there's a deadzone around him. : '''Noah:''' You talking about nanites or his personality? : '''Providence Agent:''' No more warnings. Pull over! : '''Noah:''' Whoa! : ''[Noah gasps]'' : '''Feakins:''' We're not gonna make it! : '''Noah:''' Yes, we are! This is a '77! They don't make'em like this anymore! WHOO-HOO! Aah! : ''[Noah gasps]'' : '''Noah:''' That was a '77! They don't make'em anymore! My granddad's gonna kill me! : '''Rex:''' Looks like he'll have to wait in line. : ''[Feakins gasps]'' : '''Feakins:''' How great is this?! You guys were at the convention, too? : '''Rex:''' Come on! If we get out of here now, they'll spend the next couple hours looking for the car before they figure out where it went. : '''Feakins:''' So, what's your favorite geological area? I'm a proterozoic man. Of course, the hadean has its merits, too. : '''Noah:''' You couldn't take five minutes to read the whole website? <hr width80%> : '''Noah:''' Thank you! I can't tell you how glad we are you're open. I just want to get cleaned up and get some sleep. : '''Feakins:''' Hold on! Pardon me, but what kind of room service does this establishment offer? What if I want a milkshake? : '''Rex:''' And that kind of brings you up to date, doc. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Well, that explains why you suddenly dropped of my tracking grid. The good news is, the deadzone Feakins creates means the Black Knight can't use your nanites to track you either. : '''Rex:''' Now that Feakins isn't right next to me, it's not as bad. I can still feel them. It's just that they feel all fuzzy. I bet if I put some distance between us, my powers would bounce right back. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' You cannot let him out of your sight, Rex. Don't you see why Black Knight wants him? He's the ultimate insurance against any EVO. : '''Rex:''' Not just any. Me. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've got to hang on to him. I'm on my way to you now. : '''Rex:''' Hey, don't worry about me. I-I may not have my powers, but I've got Noah. We can handle things until you get here. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Just stay put and don't draw attention to yourself. : '''Feakins:''' I know this is your motel! But judging by your office, you and me got a different idea of what "clean" means! Can you believe that guy! : '''Rex:''' Yeah, the last part might be a problem, doc. : '''Feakins:''' Oh. Okay if you guys take this bed? : '''Noah:''' Providence we can deal with. It's him I'm worried about. : '''Black Knight:''' Speak. : '''Black Pawn:''' We lost them. : '''Black Knight:''' I want every asset we have in the state mobilized. Do you understand? Find them! : '''Noah:''' No way! You picked out this disguise. You wear it. : '''Feakins:''' I didn't know it was made of acrylic! You want me to have a relapse of my eczema? 'Cause it won't be pretty! I get all flaky! : '''Rex:''' Guys, the whole point of the disguises is to not attract attention. : '''Noah:''' Fine! Why do I always have to be the mature one? : '''Rex:''' Come on. : '''Feakins:''' We've only got a couple hours to get to our new rendezvous with Holiday. : '''Rex:''' Aren't you going to demand a milkshake? : '''Feakins:''' Thanks, guy. : '''Noah:''' What?! All you've done is moan about milkshakes. Because we were in a car. I don't get airsick. : '''Feakins:''' So, why would I need a milkshake? But if there's a decent sushi bar nearby-- : ''[Noah groans]'' : '''Rex:''' Wait. : ''[Feakins sneezes]'' : '''Feakins:''' What? I said I was allergic to acrylic! : '''Rex:''' Hang on! : '''Feakins:''' Whoa. You gotta stop this thing. : '''Noah:''' You gotta be kidding me! : '''Feakins:''' It's not my fault I got a delicate stomach! : '''Rex:''' Ugh! This isn't even really a car! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Oh! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Those two agents on the plane are gonna call in others. We gotta go! : '''Noah:''' How are we gonna get anywhere without a car? : '''Rex:''' We've got a chance we can get on a train. : '''Noah:''' It's pitch dark. We're never gonna find the tracks before that train passes! : ''[Feakins laughs]'' : '''Feakins:''' Yeah, very funny. Come on, guy, quit joking around. : '''Noah:''' What are you talking about? : '''Feakins:''' Well, given the shale and quartz in this soil, the train tracks have to be down that way. I mean, that's just obvious stuff to rock lovers like us, am I right? I don't believe it! An entire train car filled with ice cream... And there's no blender! : '''Noah:''' So close, and yet no milkshake. : '''Rex:''' Well, I'm starved. Let's eat. We're all gonna need our strength. Cherry-Berry Chunky Nut? : '''Feakins:''' I'm allergic to ice cream. : '''Rex:''' How can you love milkshakes and be allergic to ice cream? : '''Noah:''' Do you really want to hear him answer that? : '''Rex:''' Look, I'm sorry. I know it's been a crazy day for you. : '''Feakins:''' I woke up yesterday thinking I was just a regular accountant who loved rocks... Only to discover that I'm actually this super-important guy who everyone's after because I got some kind of amazing power! : '''Rex:''' Lucky you. Move! Move! We're close. We're going to make it to Holiday. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, I can't stay here. We'll have to meet somewhere else. : '''Rex:''' I see the perfect place. : '''Black Knight:''' Let's end this game, Rex. : '''Rex:''' Black Knight? : '''Feakins:''' I don't believe it. The Black Knight works at Bob's Biscuit Barn! : '''Black Knight:''' Now that we've found you, there's nowhere to hide. It should not have taken the most advanced satellite system in the world this long to pinpoint them. The excuses can wait. Right now, I want this wrapped up. : '''Noah:''' How did Black Knight know where we were? : '''Rex:''' I don't know. : '''Noah:''' Even if you make it to the Holiday, is Black Knight just gonna find us? : '''Rex:''' I don't know! : '''Feakins:''' When are we gonna get a milkshake?! : '''Rex:''' I don't know! : '''Feakins:''' I'm in a car. It's moving. I'm getting queasy back here. : '''Rex:''' Then get out of the car! : '''Feakins:''' Aah! : '''Black Pawn:''' Be advised-- Primary target Feakins is to be recovered alive if possible. : '''Rex:''' You know how I said we don't get through this, with or without my powers? Well, it looks like I was wrong. They're after Feakins. That means "Noah" has a shot at making a break for it and getting to Holiday. Do you understand what I'm saying? : '''Black Pawn:''' Let the breakaway go. And stay on the primary target. : '''Rex:''' Huh. I guess they're not afraid of me with you standing here. Which is... Awesome! : '''Black Pawn:''' Pull up! Pull up! : '''Rex:''' Mwah! Man, have I missed you! : '''Noah:''' Guess I don't need this anymore. : '''Rex:''' I can't believe that plan actually worked. : '''Noah:''' Feakins still has to make it to Holiday. : '''Feakins:''' Oh, I'm not feeling so good. : '''Rex:''' Whoa! : '''Black Pawn:''' The primary target is unconventional. Ground units, reroute to intercept. We will cover. : '''Rex:''' We're going after Feakins! Come on! : '''Pilot:''' Ground units are down. Moving to pursue a primary target. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Black Pawn:''' Stay on Rex. If we don't engage him, he'll tear us apart. : '''Noah:''' Whoa! : '''Rex:''' Sit tight. : '''Noah:''' Uh, where would I go? : '''Rex:''' Mind if I borrow this? : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Noah:''' Rex! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Providence Agent screams]'' : '''Rex:''' Ow! Hey, watch it! I'm still a little rusty here! These guys are tough. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Aah! Hang on to me! : '''Noah:''' Aah! Whoa! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Where's Feakins? : '''Rex:''' Oh, come on! This guy is killing me! : '''Noah:''' Maybe he'll still coming. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't wait. Providence followed you here. What? : '''Rex:''' We got him! Let's go! : '''Noah:''' It's too late. : '''Black Knight:''' Where is my visual? : '''Black Pawn:''' They're just gone. : '''Rex:''' What just happened? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's a prototype stealth device built into the lab. That's why I had to get you in here. It was the only way to get you out of Black Knight's sight. : '''Noah:''' So, that's it? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' That's it. The good guys won. : '''Rex:''' Oh, hey, by the way, doc, you're a big geology buff, aren't you? So, did we hook you up with the perfect safe house or what? You'll never have to worry about driving without a milkshake again. : '''Feakins:''' Oh, it's great, guy. The only problem is the gas. : '''Rex:''' Well, I'm sure we can kick in a little gas money, too. : ''[Feakins farting]'' : '''Feakins:''' Yeah, that's not what I meant. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, we can't stay. : '''Rex:''' You got that right! : '''Feakins:''' Wait. I just wanna say... Its not easy being thrown together with someone who can be a little, well... Difficult. : '''Rex:''' Hey... You're not so bad. : '''Feakins:''' Me?! I was talking about you! : ''[Black Knight sighs]'' : '''Black Knight:''' Since the search for Feakins is going nowhere, we have no choice but to become much more aggressive... With Rex. ===Assault on Abysus=== : '''Diane Farrah:''' Through research and hard work, Providence has turned the curse of the EVO into a blessing. One that will serve mankind. Science and compassion have created a new future for all EVOs. A future filled with happiness and hope. : '''Black Pawn:''' You? Seen some EVOs pass through here? <hr width80%> *Rex and Circe finally admit their true feelings for one another. Unfortunately, there was not enough episodes to explore their romance further. <hr width80%> : ''[Somewhere in [[w:Hong Kong|Hong Kong, China]]'']'' : '''Circe:''' Okay. They're gone. : '''Skywwd:''' For now. Get out of here, Circe. Run! : '''Circe:''' I'm not leaving you guys. : '''Skywwd:''' You can pass as human. Go-- Before Providence gets you too. : '''Black Pawn:''' The girl! She's with them! : '''Skwwyd:''' Run! : '''Rex:''' Hmm? What's up? : '''Circe:''' You're the only person I could turn to. : '''Rex:''' Circe? : '''Circe:''' I don't know. That's the hardest part. : '''Rex:''' You did what you had to do. : '''Circe:''' I left them there, Rex. Our friends. Providence has to be stopped. Someone needs to do something. : '''Rex:''' ''[puts his arms around Circe to comfort her]'' We are. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Am I disturbing you two? : '''Rex:''' No. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight wants to talk with you. : '''Rex:''' Ugh. What's he gonna yell at me for this time? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' No, I meant Circe. He wants to talk to her. : '''Circe:''' Providence has been hunting these down, too? : '''White Knight:''' You didn't tell her about them, Rex? : '''Rex:''' I thought the Master Control Nanites were supposed to be top secret. : '''White Knight:''' She has to know if she's going to lead the mission. : '''Rex:''' Her? That was supposed to be my mission. : '''White Knight:''' It's no one's mission. It's about getting the job done. : '''Circe:''' Why me? : '''White Knight:''' Intelligence indicates that Providence has targeted a Master Control Nanite in Abysus. In Van Kleiss' old castle, to be more precise. You're the only one with the knowledge to get us in there. : '''Rex:''' I've been there before. How hard could it be? Circe, you don't have to. : '''Circe:''' If it helps stop Black Knight in Providence, I'm in. : '''Rex:''' Okay, Doc. We made it. The new power suit gave me more range, just like you said. : ''[Circe whistles]'' : '''Circe:''' Thanks, Banak. We're trying to keep a low profile. Don't tell anyone, okay? : '''Rex:''' Good thing you knew the secret whistle or we might have been rooting around forever. : ''[Rex chuckles]'' : '''Rex:''' Get it? "Root"? Uh... This can't be easy coming back here. I owe you. : '''Circe:''' Forget it. We're even. I used you in the past, now you and your friends are using me. : '''Rex:''' Is there some sort of problem between you and me? : '''Circe:''' There's nothing between you and me. Just the mission. I don't have good memories of this place. Let's just leave it at that, okay? : '''Rex:''' Fine. I'm surprised we haven't run into-- Ugh! : ''[Circe echoing roar]'' : '''Skalamander:''' Traitor! Stop her! : '''Circe:''' Aah! : '''Rex:''' Can you chill?! There's no time for this. Who's leading you now that Van Kleiss is gone? I need to speak to your leader. Figures. Biowolf, we have a problem. And... I need your help. : '''Biowulf:''' I will listen. : '''Rex:''' Great, because-- : '''Biowulf:''' Only after you. earn the right-- Through combat. : ''[Biowulf growls]'' : ''[Rex spits]'' : '''Rex:''' At least Van Kleiss was civilized. Buckle up, dog boy. : '''Biowulf:''' You may speak. This nanite you want-- It's not here. None of us have seen it up in the castle or the blast source. : '''Rex:''' I didn't say up. It's down. White Knight thinks it's under the castle. Some other secure lab area. : '''Biowulf:''' The primary chamber? : '''Circe:''' It's under the castle? Van Kleiss always said it was forbidden for us to go there. : '''Rex:''' You think he remembered to tell Black Knight that? Let me take it out of here. : '''Biowulf:''' No! You're a traitor to your own kind. A lapdog to these humans. I've heard enough! : '''Rex:''' All of us will fall-- All EVOs-- If she gets it. Black Knight is worse than you know. If I don't get the nanite out of here, Providence will take it. : '''Biowulf:''' Providence! This is Abysus, the heart of the EVO world. Providence wouldn't dare. : '''Circe:''' The sentries have spotted something. : '''Rex:''' Yeah. I wonder who. : '''Providence Soldier:''' Black Knight, the assault forces are in place. : '''Black Knight:''' The field is yours. We've secured the borders. No chance White Knight and his team will get in the country to interfere. : '''Biowulf:''' The castle is surrounded. : '''Rex:''' Standard operating procedure for Providence is to secure the perimeter, then close for attack. Black Knight will have snuck forces around back. : '''Skalamander:''' How should we counter? : '''Rex:''' Easy. : '''Biowulf:''' You take your nanite. I'll decide how to deal with the invaders. : '''Black Pawn:''' Deploy the collars. Rise. Forward. Attack. : '''Rex:''' The nanite event blew away half the castle. This must have been deep enough to survive it. Huh? You hear that? : '''Circe:''' No. Hear what? : '''Rex:''' Uh... Nothing. This place would make a great rec room. Maybe a karaoke machine over there-- : '''Circe:''' Van Kleiss would send volunteers down here to try and get in. None of them ever came back. : '''Rex:''' Well... That's encouraging. : '''Circe:''' What is it? : '''Rex:''' They're... I-I think they're nanites. They're following our lights. They can't see in the dark. I have a plan. Lead them back. : '''Circe:''' ''[concerned]'' Rex? : '''Rex:''' When I say "roll," roll. : '''Circe:''' What?! : '''Rex:''' Roll! Circe, sing! : ''[Circe uses her ultrasonic blasts on the EVOs and beams at Rex.]'' : ''[Circe echoing roar]'' : '''Rex:''' We always made a good team. : '''Circe:''' It won't hold them long. : '''Rex:''' You think this is why Van Kleiss always wanted me-- So I could get him in here? : '''Biowulf:''' Providence has breached the castle. We can't hold our position much longer. : '''Rex:''' Go. I'll get the Master-Control Nanite. ''[Notices how worried Circe is about him probably not returning]'' This isn't Hong Kong. I'll be okay. I'll meet up with you soon. : '''Biowulf:''' They've turned our own people against us. : '''Circe:''' Let me see what I can do. : ''[Circe uses her ultrasonic bursts on several collared EVOs]''. : ''[Circe echoing roar]'' : ''[Circe gasping]'' : '''Circe:''' So many. : '''Biowulf:''' You can't stop the ones they've collared. : '''Circe:''' I can go down trying. : ''[Circe echoing roar]'' : '''Black Pawn:''' Her sonics are disrupting the offensive. : ''[Circe echoing roar]'' : '''Black Pawn:''' Hyah! Unh! : '''Biowulf:''' If we can't defeat them, we'll take down as many as we can fighting. : '''Circe:''' This isn't one battle. It's a war. And we can't let it end here before Rex has the Master-Control Nanite. : '''Biowulf:''' What, then? : '''Circe:''' Tactical retreat. : ''[Circe whistles]'' : '''Rex:''' Huh. Dad. : '''Providence Soldier:''' Outer rooms of the castle secured. : '''Black Pawn:''' I don't need you here, Black Knight. It's only a matter of time. We will take the castle piece by piece. : ''[Skalamander growling]'' : '''Black Pawn:''' You are ours now. Down. : ''[Skalamander grunting]'' : '''Skalamander:''' Rex is here. He will make you bow to us! : '''Black Knight:''' This is all a diversion. Find Rex before he gets the Master-Control Nanite. : '''Black Pawn:''' Yes, Ma'am. : '''Black Knight:''' Either you do it or I will. I'm on my way. : '''Rex:''' This place... Rylander had the same type of lab. : '''Soldier:''' Security system engaged. : '''Rex:''' No! : '''Soldier:''' Intruder. Provide authorized identity or be terminated. Identify. Identify. Identify. Identify. : '''Rex:''' Aah! I'm Rex! Rex Salazar! : '''Soldier:''' Salazar genetype-- Accepted. : ''[Rex sighs]'' : '''Rex:''' There you are, you little troublemaker. You're coming home with the good guys. Uhh. Weird. Uh... I don't suppose you're looking for the karaoke machine? Running into you-- What a coincidence. Come down here a lot? Whoa! Missed me. : '''Black Pawn:''' I have the nanite. Keep the boy busy while I get it to Black Knight. : '''Rex:''' No! : ''[Circe echoing roar]'' : '''Rex:''' You two sure know how to make an entrance. : '''Circe:''' The others are getting hammered by Provindence. They're barely holding them off in the dungeon. : '''Rex:''' Gee! Van Kleiss has a dungeon. What a surprise. : '''Biowulf:''' This is no joke. They might die because I came down here to save you. : '''Rex:''' I won't let them get taken. I promise you that. But I need you to let me call the shots. : ''[Biowulf sighs]'' : '''Biowulf:''' Very well. : '''Rex:''' Circ, dungeon left or right? : '''Circe:''' Left. The dungeon's the other way. : '''Rex:''' I'm not looking for the dungeon. I'm looking for the scouts. : '''Black Pawn:''' Nothing. : '''Rex:''' Well, maybe a little something. : ''[Circe echoing roar]'' : '''Rex:''' Scouts. Classic Providence tactics-- So they don't get ambushed. Uhh. What is this place? : '''Biowulf:''' The old reservoir. It goes to the river. : '''Rex:''' Perfect. ''[deep voice]'' Scout to command. West wing, reservoir-- We've found a back way onto what must be the main EVO force. It's five times the size of what you're fighting. : '''Black Pawn:''' Roger, scout. All forces, withdraw from dungeon siege. Report to west wing, reservoir. Ambush maneuver lambda. : '''Rex:''' ''[normal voice]'' Get your troops. It's bath time. : '''Biowulf:''' Now you bow to Rex! : '''Rex:''' The Providence goons are contained, Biowulf. They shouldn't be any more trouble. And I got the Master-Control Nanite. Looks like mission accomplished. : '''Circe:''' Rex, I-- : ''[She and Rex cling to each other as the castle begins shaking.]'' : '''Black Knight:''' Rex, order your friends to surrender. You're all under Providence custody. I always knew it might be impossible to capture the Master-Control Nanite in the heart of the nanite infestation. So the solution was to remove it. : '''Circe:''' It's Hong Kong all over again. : '''Rex:''' No. We can fight. We'll double back and-- A-and then-- : '''Biowulf:''' Go! Get the nanite out of here! : '''Rex:''' No! I promised you! : '''Biowulf:''' You were right. That nanite is more important than anyone here. Including myself. I am the leader. I give the orders. Run! : ''[Rex panting]'' : '''Rex:''' They were counting on me. I don't want to leave them. : '''Circe:''' I did what I had to do. You do what you have to. I want you to know, all this was never about me just using you. : ''[Circe gasps]'' : ''[Finally admits her true romantic feelings for Rex in the form of a passionate kiss. She then pushes a shocked Rex off the ledge, so he could escape; and her getting collared and captured in his stead. She smiled with tears in her eyes, with the promise that she would be okay.]'' <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' ''[burdened by Circe admitting her intense love for him and sacrifice]'' We all make sacrifices for the things we care about-- The people we love. But when the stakes are this high, who can we trust? What would that power do to anyone who had it? They attacked Abysus. What's stopping them from attacking us for these nanites? : '''White Knight:''' They will-- Sooner or later. That's why I want to turn the tables on them first. : '''Rex:''' You know how to do that so we survive in one piece? : '''White Knight:''' Not yet. ===Remote Control=== : '''Bobo:''' Providence goons are thick as fleas tonight, and I know fleas. : '''Rex:''' We're gonna be late if we have to keep sneaking around. : '''Bobo:''' After you. : '''Skwydd:''' Rex must have bailed on us-- Again. : '''Cricket:''' He would never do that, Skwydd. And besides, he dad to fly all the way to Honk Kong on his own. Give him some time. : '''Tuck:''' He's here! Everything okay, Rex? : ''[Skwydd hissing]'' : '''Skwydd:''' Cricket, Tuck, this way! : ''[Skwydd grunts]'' : '''Skwydd:''' Ow. Yeah, I think I'll stick to ink. : '''Cricket:''' We need to find Rex. : '''Skwydd:''' He was supposed to find us. : '''Tuck:''' How are we gonna-- : '''Quarry:''' Wrong. They'll be coming with me. Anybody got a problem with that? : ''[Quarry laughs]'' : ''[Quarry grunting]'' : '''Rex:''' Tuck? Cricket? Skwydd? : '''Bobo:''' Oh, yeah, they were here. This came out of Skwydd. Mm. : '''Rex:''' Ew! If those Providence goons hurt them, I'm gonna-- : '''Bobo:''' What do you say you use a little of that aggression and get some answers, champ? : '''Rex:''' What did you do with my friends? Quarry? : '''Cricket:''' If you think we're going to thank you for getting us out of there, Quarry. : ''[Quarry laughs]'' : '''Quarry:''' I think you're going to do exactly as I say. : ''[Activates the mind-control collar on her neck]'' : '''Cricket:''' Aah! : '''Bobo:''' Occupied Hong Kong-- What a dump! Where to, chief? : '''Rex:''' I have no idea. How did he get away from Van Kleiss? How is he even alive? : ''[Rex sighs]'' : '''Rex:''' It's cool. We're not going to hurt you. What's Providence turned into? This whole city is living in fear. : '''Bobo:''' Well, we ain't gonna find my answers in this alley. I got a guide book. Ooh! A coupon for all-you-can-eat dim sum. What? A chimp's gotta eat. : '''Rex:''' Okay, let's go. But keep moving. Maybe we'll turn up a clue. : '''Bobo:''' Aw, this just breaks my heart. All that grub and no one to eat it. : '''Monster EVO:''' Can you help a fellow EVO who's down on his luck? : '''Rex:''' I can do better than that. Let me take care of this for you. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Ow! : '''Bobo:''' I wanna order some chow to go. Give me some of those chicken feet, and give me the beaks, too. : '''Rex:''' I thought that collar was supposed to make you mellow! What? Now you know Kung Fu? I don't have time for this. : '''Bobo:''' Hey, buddy. It looked like you could use some-- Hey, where'd the charity case go? : '''Rex:''' He had to leave suddenly. All yours. I need some time to think. : '''Bobo:''' More for me! Go off and think your brains out, pal. You know where to find me. Ah, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship, my beak-dealing chum. And speaking of chum-- : ''[Bobo sniffs]'' : '''Bobo:''' Do I detect the delightful aroma of fish heads? : '''Gamer boy:''' Hey, kid! You like video games? Want a cool job? : '''Rex:''' I already have a cool job. : '''Gamer boy:''' This is the coolest job you'll ever have. Mr. Quarry, pays top dollar for good players and I can set you up. : '''Rex:''' Quarry? Tell me more. : '''Huckster:''' ''[Cockney accent]'' Okay, kids. Looks like we're all here, right? Let me show you around. : '''Quarry:''' What do you matter, the big fish? Time to reel him in. : '''Huckster:''' This is all state-of-the-art stuff-- Exciting, new tech. You get to play as an EVO and go on a Crown Street. How cool is that? : '''Rex:''' Hey! That looks like the EVO that jumped me. : '''Huckster:''' We model our characters from actual EVOs. This is as close to reality as you can get. : '''Rex:''' Hey! You guys! Oh, am I glad to see you! I-- Take that back. You've been collared! Let me help you! : ''[Skwydd hissing]'' : '''Rex:''' Cricket, it's me-- Rex! You used to have a crush on me! : '''Cricket:''' Ugh! : ''[Cricket sighs]'' : '''Cricket:''' Rex, I'm so sorry. I knew what I was doing, but I couldn't control it. : '''Rex:''' I'm okay, Cricket. You've been working on that jab, though, haven't you? : '''Cricket:''' They're getting away. : '''Rex:''' Let them go. They'll lead us straight to Quarry. : '''Cricket:''' "Used to have a crush"? : '''Rex:''' Infrared. Nice move. Providence Convoy. Great. : '''Cricket:''' Whoa! Aah! Ugh! Aah! : '''Rex:''' Come on, Cricket. We do this all the time. Uh, hair. Please. : '''Bobo:''' Hey, give me some more of these deep-fried shrimp heads and a bunch of those fresh spring rolls. Hey, give me the stale spring rolls while you're at it. : '''Female vendor:''' No more food! You have to go! : '''Cricket:''' I recognize this place. It's where Quarry took us after we were collared. It's probably a setup. : '''Rex:''' It's definitely a setup. You ready to go in? : '''Cricket:''' You know how collared EVOs follow kind of like a robot. with these collars, it's worse. It's like you're a remote-controlled robot. : '''Rex:''' That is a nasty hack. : '''Cricket:''' It's bad enough working for Quarry. When you have free will but this-- : '''Rex:''' Skwydd! Tuck! I don't wanna hurt you. : '''Quarry:''' Glad to hear that, Rex. Your friends are very valuable to me as are you. : '''Rex:''' Like the new look- strapping. : '''Quarry:''' Let's just say I had to find a way to "keep it together" after my visit to Abyus. Just one more thing you owe me for and you know how much I like a balanced book. : '''Cricket:''' Rex! No! : '''Quarry:''' You'll be the crown jewel of my EVO army, Rex. I may just make you my own personal slave. That collar suits you, Rex. Wish I'd had one for you back in the old days-- Would've saved me a lot of trouble. : '''Cricket:''' Rex! : '''Quarry:''' Oh, right. Cricket. Rex, be a good little helper and hold her down, would you? : ''[Cricket gasps]'' : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Quarry:''' Rex? Rex! I command you to stop! : '''Rex:''' I quit listening to you a long time ago. : '''Skwydd:''' Rex, I'm sorry. : '''Rex:''' Never mind, Skwydd. Help me with Tuck. Aah! Oh, man! These nanites are smarter than usual. : '''Cricket:''' Hurry, Rex! : '''Rex:''' Whew! Don't think I'll be doing that again soon. : '''Tuck:''' Thanks, man. Those all kinds of weird. : '''Quarry:''' I've decided that you brats are not that valuable to me. Kill them all! : '''Rex:''' We'll see. : '''Tuck:''' Spinning donkey? Since when do street EVOs know Kung Fu? : '''Rex:''' I know, right? How are you doing this? How are you controlling these guys. : '''Quarry:''' I'm not would take an army of operators to control this many EVOs. I merely provide the funding and equipment. The streets provide the manpower-- Or should I say-- : ''[Quarry chuckles]'' : '''Quarry:''' Bratpower? And I paid top dollar for good players. At least by their sad standards. : '''Rex:''' The arcade. All those kids! : '''Quarry:''' Those brats were born to play games, which is what they think they're doing. And I thank your people for the tech. That brother of yours is quite the wiz, kid. : '''Rex:''' Caesar would never! : '''Cricket:''' Forget about Caesar, Rex. You know what you've got to do. : '''Rex:''' These guys will shred you if I leave! : '''Tuck:''' We got this, Rex. Go! : '''Quarry:''' Once I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pop your head like a grape! : '''Bobo:''' Oh, I am one stuffed monkey. Ooh, this might just be the year I floss. Hey! I know that noise. That's Rex. I'm coming, champ! : ''[Bobo groans]'' : '''Bobo:''' Ooh, I better take it easy, or I'm gonna deliver a street pizza. : ''[Bobo groans]'' : '''Female vendor:''' Next time, you're on the menu! : '''Rex:''' Ugh! Unh! : '''Quarry:''' You were a good earner once, Rex. But lately, you've been costing me too much. : '''Rex:''' Ugh! : '''Quarry:''' Now... you... pay! : '''Cricket:''' No tongues! : ''[Rex groaning]'' : '''Rex:''' Hyah! : ''[Quarry laughs evilly]'' : '''Quarry:''' Consider the fact that you made me like this while I'm crushing you. : ''[Quarry grunting]'' : '''Quarry:''' What? : ''[Quarry straining]'' : '''Quarry:''' No! Unh! No! AAAAAH! : '''Rex:''' Bad move, Quarry. Now, where's the "off" switch? Bingo. : ''[Rex sighs]'' : '''Rex:''' Okay. : '''Tuck:''' Uh, what just happened? : '''Cricket:''' Rex happened. : '''Gamer boy:''' No way. We were actually fighting real people? I'm outta here. : '''Tuck:''' Nice move, Rex. I guess Quarry eats it again. : '''Cricket:''' Where is Quarry, Rex? : '''Rex:''' He bit off more than he could chew. Speaking of which, I'm starved. Who wants to grab a bite? : '''Bobo:''' Ohh. Hey, Rex, when are we gonna see some action? : '''Rex:''' I, uh, kind of took the initiative while you were chilling out. Wanna get some dim sum? : ''[Bobo gags]'' : '''Bobo:''' Uh, no, thanks. I've had all I can eat. : ''[Bobo gags]'' : '''Rex:''' Can we use your coupon? : ''[Bobo gags]'' : '''Skwydd:''' You seriously thought you were gonna blow us off? : '''Tuck:''' Not "we." "You." : '''Rex:''' I came as soon as I could-- Honest. : '''Cricket:''' You mean you didn't make a detour to Tokyo to buy anime? : '''Rex:''' Okay, almost as soon. But it all turned out fine. And the most important thing is, we put a stop to that tech before there was enough of it to start a real army. : '''Tuck:''' You can say that again. : '''Skwydd:''' ''[Chuckling]'' Yeah. : '''Rex:''' Now, hurry up and eat this before my chimp finds us. Mmm! : '''Build worker:''' Okay, guys. That's the last of them. Provindence needs these machines on the next cargo ship. Let's move! ===A Brief History of Time=== : '''Van Kleiss:''' 4.000 years from my destination, and I've run out of of time. I've scarcely completed the vessel which shall deliver me to my own era. Gharun-Set, activate the traps-- Quickly! My greatest creation-- So useful to me, but too dangerous to roam free. If only I had time to destroy him, as I should. But I have a more pressing death I must prevent. My own. AAAAAAAAAAAH! : '''Rex:''' Kind of defeating the whole stealth element of a stealth suit, Bobo. : '''Bobo:''' Hey, now was I supposed to know that ghanoush went bad? : '''Rex:''' Maybe because you found it in a garbage can. : '''Bobo:''' On top of a garbage can. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to Rex. Are you at the site? : '''Rex:''' There is not site, remember? Black Knight blew the pace to kingdom come. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Yet it's still guarded. And thanks to the data you stole from Providence, we know why. : '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss back in time? I still find it hard to believe. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' You were sent six months into the future, Rex. It stands to reason that the reverse is possible. : '''Rex:''' Well, if you expect to find him here, maybe we should check the mummy museum. We're sensing nanites-- Definitely V.K.'s. They've been dead a long time. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over 4,000 years. I'm also detecting tachyons-- Quantum particles that travel in time. I think it's clear what he was making. : '''Bobo:''' A latrine? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' A time machine. : '''Rex:''' No way he pulled it off! If mister ego made it back to here and now, we'd know about it. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Some of these nanites are considerably younger. That means he was there in two different time periods. : '''Rex:''' Time travel gives me a headache. Just tell me-- Where is he now? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' The more accurate question is, when is he? : '''Van Kleiss:''' AAAAAAH! : ''[Van Kleiss gasping]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! The ordeal is... draining. But now, back in my own time, I can replenish my nanite reserves and-- : '''Gladiator #1:''' Quis es tu? : '''Van Kleiss:''' I recognize the language, of course-- Classical latin. Qui-- Q-Qui annus est? : '''Gladiator #1:''' What year is it? You dare question a captain of the imperial guard? Aegyptus is a roman Providence! Answer! Who are you? : '''Gladiator #2:''' Don't bother-- He's clearly sun-mad. : '''Van Kleiss:''' The dialect, the dress-- This is the second century A.D. A mere 2,000 years has passed. I'm only halfway home! : '''Gladiator #1:''' Another escaped slave. Finish him and be done with it. : ''[Gladiator #2 grunts]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' It was all the fight I could muster. I had no way to replace the nanites I'd spent in the journey, and my gauntlet had yet to recharge those that remained. : '''Gladiator #2:''' This one shows spirit. He'll bring a good price in the arena. : '''Van Kleiss:''' OOMPH! : ''[Van Kleiss groans]'' : '''Gladiator #2:''' Save your strength. : '''Gladiator #3:''' Where you're going, you'll need it. : ''[Van Kleiss slurps]'' : ''[Van Kleiss gulps]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' I intend to. Of the mysterious force, there is no sign. Yet I sense it is close-- Pursuing me even across the centuries. I am convinced it is a manifestation of time itself. My presence is a violation of physics-- An imbalance which the time stream seeks to correct... By wiping me from existence. But of this, I am certain-- If I do not return to my own time, it will surely destroy me. : '''Gladiator #1:''' You are fortunate, slave. To die in the arena is a great honor. : '''Van Kleiss:''' An honor I look forward to bestowing. : ''[Gladiator #1 laughs]'' : '''Gladiator #1:''' You see? Spirit! : ''[Van Kleiss groans]'' : '''Gladiator #3:''' Put on a good show, little man, and I promise to make your end a painless one. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Indeed? : ''[Gladiator #3 grunts]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' I, on the other hand, make no such promise. : ''[Gladiator #3 grunting]'' : ''[Van Kleiss grunting]'' : '''Gladiator #3:''' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! : ''[Gladiator #3 groans]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' One against so many? Hardly seems fair. For them. : '''Gladiator #4:''' ARRRGHHHH! : '''Van Kleiss:''' Ordinarily, I'd say "take me to your leader," but I believe he's already here. : '''Septimius Severus:''' Great warrior... Never have I seen such a battle. I am... : '''Van Kleiss:''' Septimius Severus, 21st emperor of Rome, founder of the severan dynasty. And, as I recall, you poisoned your own commanding officer to get his position... And wear only boots to conceal a prodigious clubfoot. : '''Septimius Severus:''' Are you a man... Or a God? : '''Van Kleiss:''' I find both labels rather limiting. Now, then, you are going to give me whatever I require, starting with a quiet place to work. I, in return, shall ensure the growth and security of your reign as emperor. You may call me Van Kleiss. : '''Septimius Severus:''' Whatever your desire, great Vanklios. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, it's... Got a rather nice ring. : '''Rex:''' What's with this guy? Gets a portrait done in every time period? : '''Bobo:''' Mm. ''[muffled]'' Truly a nutjob for the ages. Mm. Speaking of nuts... Want some? : '''Rex:''' You've been dumpster-diving again? : '''Bobo:''' I prefer "foraging." : '''Rex:''' Yeah. Nice sleuthing there, doc. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Nanites decay at a measurable half-life. I set our sat-net to do a global scan for the same frequency-- Ergo, Rome. : '''Rex:''' Great. You scan for the next stop, we'll grab a pizza. : '''Bobo:''' Pass. I'm experiencing inexpicable gastric distress. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it would take months to scan the entire spectrum. You need to find the next decay frequency. : '''Rex:''' Kind of like nanite connect-the-dots! Can I do it with someone else? : '''Bobo:''' Hey, quiet, you! Rah! : '''Rex:''' This goose chase just got a little wilder. My brother's here. : '''Caesar:''' Caesar to Black. We've detected paleo-nanites. Tachyon readings negative. We're moving to the next hot stop. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons-- They want Van Kleiss' time machine. Follow them. : '''Rex:''' Come on. : '''Bobo:''' Can you give me a teeny sec? I gotta find the little gladiators' room. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Advances in the last two millenia have allowed me to complete my lab in weeks instead of months. Restrict the flow! Do you want to overload the power cells? Meanwhile, my own nanite supply continues to dwindle. : ''[Septimius Severus panting]'' : '''Septimius Severus:''' Great Vanklios, protect me! : '''Van Kleiss:''' I've divulged metallurgy and tactics beyond your day. No man may threaten your rule. : '''Septimius Severus:''' This is no man-- But an apparition! : ''[Septimius Severus grunts]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' What apparition? Speak, parasite! : '''Septimius Severus:''' A spirit of doom! Numerous sightings-- The insulare, the rostra, the forum. Listen! It comes! It comes! : '''Van Kleiss:''' Fool. It only wants me. : '''Septimius Severus:''' Ugh! : '''Van Kleiss:''' I release you. Go start a few legends. : '''Septimius Severus:''' NOOOOOOOOOOOO! : ''[Septimius Severus gasps]'' : '''Septimius Severus:''' Be gone! I beg of you! Aah! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, those stress lines-- It's the same pattern we saw in Egypt. : '''Black Knight:''' Report. : '''Caesar:''' These aqueducts are truly marvels of roman engineering. : '''Black Knight:''' Have you picked up the next decay frequency? : '''Caesar:''' Oh-- That. Yes. Uplinking to our global net. Odd. These tachyons seems unrelated to-- : '''Black Knight:''' We have the next target. Scandinavia. Move out. White Knight may have people on the trail. I expect you to do whatever it takes to procure the objective. : '''Rex:''' Shh! : '''Caesar:''' I've initiated the same steps as in Egypt! Come along. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, we need that decay frequency. : '''Rex:''' Just one small problem, doc. This place... is toast. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex? Bobo? Respond! : '''Rex:''' We're okay, doc. Not a mark on us. : '''Bobo:''' Same can't be said for my stealth suit. Whoa! : ''[Rex gasps]'' : ''[Rex and Bobo gasps]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' So many lives... It's become a blur. I don't know who I am anymore. Only that I must sail onward, ever onwoard down the river of time. Never resting, always moving. Further draining my nanite reserves beyond my ability to replenish. And each re-emergence, I am pursued by the nameless force. I now know it's personal. I am a virus-- An infection of space-time. Call it what you like. This is time's antibody. Whether I can borne home or drowned in its currents, this is my final journey. : '''Rex:''' Hurry! I'm not sure if we here followed. : '''Bobo:''' I'm sure. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Don't shoot! It's me. : '''Rex:''' Holiday? Shouldn't you be at the plant, connecting the dots? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' No more dots to connect. The trail ends here. And... I'm reading a humanoid form inside. : '''Rex:''' I'm confused. Is it a time machine or isn't it? : '''Caesar:''' It's not a time machine. Are those really necessary? : '''Rex:''' No way you're getting this time machine, bro! : '''Caesar:''' I don't want it. And it's not a time machine. : '''Bobo:''' Well, then, what is it? A meat locker for cold cuts? : '''Caesar:''' Surprisingly close. We use this technique to transfer unstable nanites. It puts them into a state of dormancy. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Of course. It's a hibernation chamber. : '''Caesar:''' Only his nanites were dormant. There would still be neuron flow. : '''Rex:''' Mind telling me what that means, exactly? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' He was... Aware. The whole time, for hundreds of years. : '''Caesar:''' He would have felt every minute pass. : '''Rex:''' No way! He's totally a mummy! : '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah! : '''Van Kleiss:''' Run! It's coming! It's coming?! : '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah! : '''Rex:''' Easy, easy, Van Kleiss. You're back-- Back in your own time. : '''Van Kleiss:''' No! No, it'll find me! It always does! You must protect me. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyon readings off the chart! Rex, you can't affect that thing. I don't know what can. : '''Caesar:''' It's a field of pure tachyons. I've got to get a sample. : '''Rex:''' Oh, no, you don't! : '''Van Kleiss:''' I'm back! Back in my own time! You shall not have me?! OHHHH! : '''Bobo:''' Settle down, Van Winkle. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Rex shudders]'' : '''Rex:''' Oh, no. It couldn't be. I need some way to contain it! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons can't be contained! : '''Caesar:''' Yes, they can. Rex! : ''[Caesar grunts]'' : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it's too risky! : '''Rex:''' But I know what this is. Correction-- I know who this is. : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex:''' Aah! : ''[Rex groaning]'' : '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's... Breach. : '''Rex:''' Breach. Breach! It's me-- Rex. : '''Breach:''' Rex? Are you real... Or a dream? : ''[Rex laughs]'' : '''Rex:''' Yeah, yeah, I'm-- I'm real. : '''Breach:''' I was everywhere-- Everywhen. But I was nothing-- An emptiness, needing to be filled. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' The amp pack. Van Kleiss controlled it. When his nanites were active, Breach was drawn into his timeframe. : ''[Van Kleiss grunts]'' : '''Caesar:''' The final joining would have destroyed them both. : '''Breach:''' Guess I should say thanks. : '''Rex:''' Hey, what are friends for? Um, we are still friends... Right? : '''Caesar:''' You did well, little bro. : '''Rex:''' And you have your time machine that... isn't a time machine. Everybody goes home happy. : '''Caesar:''' That? A curiosity-- True. But it was never our goal. : ''[Van Kleiss shivering]'' : ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]'' : '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss?! All this for him? what, they're gonna put him in jail? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's Providence, Rex. That's their jurisdiction. : '''Caesar:''' No need to worry, little brother. He's going to be well supervised. : '''Rex:''' Caesar, what is going on!? : '''Caesar:''' Justice. : '''Bobo:''' Two words-- Crème Brûlée. Ooh. Right after I make a french connection. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! : '''Black Knight:''' Welcome back, Van Kleiss. You look terrible. Ordinarily, I'd say get some rest, but you've had enough of that, I suppose. : ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]'' : '''Black Knight:''' Pull it together. We have work to do. Do you know who I am? : '''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I know who you are. It's been a long time. A very, very long time. ===Mind Games=== : '''Rex''': Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure of that. : '''Six''': I told you not to get involved, Rex. You're not at full strength. : '''Rex''': What was I supposed to do-- Just leave it? : '''Dr. Holiday''': Six has a point, Rex. You're pushed to the edge lately. You can't see everyone. : '''Rex''': Not listening! Don't worry, dude. I'll have you out of here before you can say-- Circe?! : '''Circe''': Hey, Rex. Rex! Aaaah! : ''[Circe sighs]'' : '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex! Rex, do you read? What's going on? Your bios are low. : '''Rex''': Leave her alone! You okay? : '''Circe''': I think so. We have to go. : '''Rex''': Think that's your cue. Hang on. I think I got it. Ow! : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex''': Hate this things. : '''Circe''': Try wearing one. : '''Rex''': I have. So, what happened? I thought Providence had you at Abysus. : '''Circe''': I got away. : '''Rex''': What about the Pack? : '''Circe''': The Pack? I-- Don't know. Things are bad out there, Rex. I've been on the run for weeks. Providence has been stepping up their capture orders. I think something big is going down. : '''Rex''': Tell me about it. Listen, I know we're gonna want to say no, but with everything that's going on... : '''Circe''': I should stay at the plant. It's safer, right? : '''Rex''': Wow, that was-- Easy. I had a whole speech and everything. : '''Dr. Holiday''': Well, everything checks out. You're the picture of health. I wish you'd let me do some more thorough scans, through. : '''Six''': How was it you said you got away? : '''Circe''': It's a long story. You guys have bigger things to worry about than me... like the Meta-Nanites. Did you get the one from Abysus? Have you found anymore? : '''Rex''': Ugh, who cares? Let's go do something fun. You want to put Bobo' hand in shaving cream? : ''[Circe yawns]'' : '''Circe''': Actually, Rex, I'm kind of tired. I thing I might just crash if that's cool. : '''Rex''': Oh... yeah. Stupid of me. You, uh, get some sleep. Hey, doc. What are you doing? : '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex. I was just... working. What are you doing up? : '''Rex''': Ah, it's... stupid. : '''Dr. Holiday''': Yeah, probably. But... go ahead. : '''Rex''': I'm... excited. Since I got breached, everything's been so crazy. : '''Dr. Holiday''': Since you got breached? Right. : '''Rex''': But with Circe back, I'm starting to think maybe things will turn out okay. : '''White Knight''': I need everyone in the situation room in five minutes. : '''Rex''': So much for that. : ''[Dr. Holiday yawns]'' : '''Dr. Holiday''': What'd I miss? : '''Rex''': Wow, Doc. You sure got comfy quick. : '''White Knight''': Listen up, people. We need to retrieve a valuable asset before it falls into enemy hands. : '''Six''': What's the objective? : '''White Knight''': This man... Dr. Peter Meechum. : '''Rex''': That guy? I remember him. Van crazy kiddnaped his daughter. : '''White Knight''': Meechum spent the last year at a safehouse facility... Codename: Pandora's Box... location know only to me. : '''Rex''': Why all the cloak and dagger? : '''White Knight''': Because Meechum was one of the original scientists on the Nanite Project. He was given a panic button in case of emergency. Thirty minutes ago-- He activated it. : '''Six''': Providence? : '''White Knight''': We have to assume they're trying to assemble the original members of the Nanite Project. What Meechum knows is too valuable to fall into the wrong hands, so go get him. : '''Six''': Maybe Circe should stay here. : '''Rex''': What? Why? : '''Six''': She's not on the team yet-- Not officialy. : '''White Knight''': Take her. She'll be useful in the field. : '''Rex''': Ahem. You guys forget you key? Did you check under the mat? : '''Six''': Rex, focus on the mission. Get to Meechum! : '''Rex''': Relax, Six. I could take these guys in my sleep, especially with help from... Huh? Circe? Uh... Time-out? : '''Six''': Peter Meechum, you need to come with us. : ''[Dr. Meechum scoffs]'' : '''Dr. Meechum''': Took you long enough. : '''Rex''': Time in. : '''White Knight''': Still no sign of Circe, Rex. We'll keep looking, but for right now, Meechum is our top priority. : '''Dr. Holiday''': We'll find her, Rex. Don't worry. : '''White Knight''': In the meantime, Dr. Meechum, I've checked, and your daughter is safe at her boarding school in England. : '''Dr. Meechum''': My daughter. Right. : '''White Knight''': We can make immediate arrangements to take you to her. : '''Dr. Meechum''': No, I'd rather stay with you if that's all right. It's, uh-- It's safer. : '''White Knight''': Of course. White Knight out. : '''Rex''': So, after that, Providence attacked Abysus to get the Master-Control Nanite. Guess you were next on their list. : '''Dr. Meechum''': I see. And all this happened in the last year? : '''Six''': You've missed a lot since you've been away, doctor. : '''Dr. Meechum''': Horrible. I could never work for a Providence like that. I have to say it's all very impressive. Providence has certainly done a lot in the last year. : '''Caesar''': And with your help, doctor, we can do more. : '''Dr. Meechum''': Where's White Knight? I should tell him I've arrived. : '''Black Knight''': I can answer that for you. It's good to have you back, doctor. : '''Dr. Meechum''': What happened to White? : '''Black Knight''': Just a routine change in command. Nothing to worry about. If you'll excuse me, gentlemen. : '''Dr. Meechum''': Tell me you have my money ready. : '''Black Knight''': You get away you want when I get what I want... Not before. : '''Dr. Meechum''': Relax. : '''Six''': I'm a professional, aren't I? : '''Dr. Holiday''': Six, see Meechum? I have some data I'd like to go over with him. Are you... okay? : '''Six''': Rebecca, I have something important to tell you. : '''Dr. Holiday''': Okay. Well... Thanks for tell me. : '''Six''': Rex, are you in here? I do not understand this show. : '''Dr. Holiday''': Am I interrupting? : '''Six''': Not at all. What can I do for you? : '''Dr. Holiday''': Nothing important. I just wanted to say... earlier... that was nice. Unexpected but nice. : '''Six''': Earlier? : '''Dr. Holiday''': In the lab? : '''Six''': I have no idea what you're talking about. : ''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]'' : '''Rex''': Six, I need to talk to you about Circe. Uh... Six? Earth to agent guy. You okay? : '''Six''': I'm fine. I've just decided not to waste any more time on you, Rex. : '''Rex''': Um... Is this because I accidentaly used your swords to slice a pizza? : '''Six''': It's because you're weak. You don't have what it takes to complete the mission. : '''Rex''': Ohh, I get it. This is one of your test, right? : '''Six''': No test. Just me coming to my senses. You're not strong enough to survive what's coming. In the end, you're gonna let us all down. : ''[Dr. Holiday crying]'' : '''Rex''': Doc? What's wrong? : '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' I-It's nothing, Rex. I didn't want you to see me like this. : '''Rex''': Well, what is it? : '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' It's Six. I'm afraid of him. : '''Rex''': What?! That's crazy talk. : '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' Is it? You have to have seen it. He's violent, on edge. He's losing control. : '''Rex''': Are we talking about the same Six? : '''Dr. Holiday''': We don't even known him. He was a killer, Rex. The old Six might have changed, but how do we know this Six didn't come back... Wrong? : ''[Dr. Meechum whistling]'' : '''Dr. Meechum''': I have a question. How do you plan to re-create the project without a bio-interface expert? : '''Caesar''': Oh, but we do have one. : '''Van Kleiss''': No! The string doesn't work. Gordian knot, tied up tight. Alexander cheated. Can't cheat. Eyes on your own paper! Peter? No! Can't be! Different time, different me. : '''Dr. Meechum''': Van Kleiss? You brought back that monster? : '''Caesar''': Of course. He was the original interface programmer. Who better? : '''Dr. Meechum''': Excuse me a moment. White, what the heck is going on?! : '''White Knight''': Peter? Where are you? : '''Dr. Meechum''': I'm at Providence. Where are you? : '''White Knight''': Providence. But that's not-- I have to go. We have a problem. : '''Rex''': You're darn right we have a problem, because this isn't Peter Meechum! : ''[Dr. Meechum laughing maniacally]'' : '''Scarecrow''': Heya, Rex. Miss me? : '''Rex''': Who are you? Where's Meechum? : '''White Knight''': His name's John Scarecrow. He's an EVO, specialist in infiltration. Black Knight played us. : '''Scarecrow''': You really don't remember me, Rex? I'll give you a hint. We used to share a stomping ground. We had a problem with a shapes hifter once. : '''Rex''': You were in Hong Kong. : '''Scarecrow''': Give the man a prize. : ''[Scarecrow laughs]'' : '''Six''': I think he went that way. : '''Rex''': Wait a minute. : ''[Rex groans]'' : ''[Scarecrow laughs]'' : '''Rex''': I cannot believe I fell for that. : '''Scarecrow''': Look at you. You're ridiculous. You think he'll come to his senses, realize his true feelings? Then what? You'll settle down. White picket fence. Little agent kids. You're fooling yourself. You're the worst of them... you know that?... Because you know better. You really think you can save the world? None of you can survive what's coming! : '''Rex''': Prove it's really you. What's my favorite color? : '''Six''': I have no idea. : '''Rex''': It's you, all right. : ''[Dr. Holiday screaming]'' : '''Dr. Holiday''': Put it away. I'm not the EVO. : '''Six''': We heard you scream. : '''Dr. Holiday''': That wasn't me. : '''Six''': Let's all calm down. We can figure this out. : '''Rex''': Why, Six? Because I'm weak? You don't think I can handle this? : '''Six''': I never said that. : '''Rex''': But you think it, right? I don't see you putting down your guns, doc. : '''Dr. Holiday''': I know it's not me. I'm not sure about you two. : ''[Scarecrow laughs]'' : '''Scarecrow''': So easy. I barely had to nudge you. : '''Rex''': Whatever you're after, you're not getting away with it. : '''Scarecrow''': Get away with it?! Re-e-e-x, I got what I needed in the first five minutes. : '''Rex''': Then why? Why do all this? : '''Scarecrow''': Simple. I wanted to do to you what you did to me. : '''Rex''': I'm done with you! : ''[Scarecrow groans]'' : '''Scarecrow''': The big hero. Why do you get to forget? It's not fair! : '''Rex''': Whine, whine, whine. What... you didn't get enough crazy hugs as a kid? : '''Scarecrow''': You think I'm the only one you hurt? Then tell me-- : '''Skwydd''': What about us? Why'd you betray me? : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Rex grunting]'' : '''Circe:''' You promised to protect me, Rex. Where were you? : '''Rex:''' Stop it! : ''[Rex groans]'' : ''[Rex breathing heavily]'' : '''Caesar''': Face it, bro. It's why I left you. Mom and dad, too. : ''[Rex grunting]'' : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex''': You're your own worst enemy. : '''Dr. Holiday''': That's for Rex. That's for Providence. And that was for the kiss. : '''White Knight''': Providence won this round. No question. : '''Rex''': They have the real Meechum. Maybe more. : '''Dr. Holiday''': There's no telling how much of our system Scarecrow uploaded. : '''Six''': But we have to assume they know everything we do. : ''[Scarecrow laughs evilly]'' : '''White Knight''': Black Knight is coming for us. It's just a matter of time. : '''Dr. Holiday''': So? I mean, we knew that. Nothing's changed, right? : '''Six''': Rex, this is what they wanted-- To turn us against each other. : '''Rex''': Yeah, and look how easy it was. We thought we were a team, but we're not. We're vulnerable. : '''Van Kleiss''': It's Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. Looking past Occam's Razor, we can clearly see to a quantum level. A quantum level is what I'm trying to achieve, because if I didn't do the quantum level, then I can understand what's happening. : '''Caesar''': I know you don't like this, but it's not about us. : '''Dr. Meechum''': Can you do it? Can you control him? : '''Caesar''': Leave Van Kleiss to me. : '''Dr. Meechum''': What about Black Knight? I don't like her, Salazar. Never did. : '''Caesar''': Trust me, Peter-- When we're finished, the end will justify the means. ===Hermanos=== :'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-OA! Unh! Ugh! :''[Rex sighs]'' :'''Agent Six''': Be careful, Rex. :'''Rex Salazar''': I'm touched by your concern, Six. :'''Agent Six''': It's not for you. We don't have Providence to pick up the tab anymore. You break it, you buy it. :''[Rex growls]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': I'm saving the day here. What are they gonna do--Sue me? Oh, come on! It was a rhetorical question! What was I supposed to do? The whole building was made of glass! :'''Lawyer''': ''[Hispanic accent]'' Glass? What are you talking about? :'''Rex Salazar''': I'm... not talking about anything. What are you talking about? :'''Lawyer''': Mr. Salazar, I'm an associate at the stateside branch of the Argentinean firm Gomez and Gomez. And today, sir, is your lucky day! :'''Rex Salazar''': What's this? :'''Lawyer''': It's yours! :'''Noah Nixon''': No away! This is your house? :'''Rex Salazar''': I know! According to the lawyer guy, this rancho in Argentina's been in my family forever. And ever since my parents died in the event, those lawyers have been trying to track down the heir. And guess who that is. :'''Noah Nixon''': You and your brother? :'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, yeah, right. Him too. :'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time, Rex. :'''Rex Salazar''': Dude, it's never a good time, but you go to-- O...kay, so maybe this really isn't a good time, but this is important. I was being chased by a lawyer. No, I wasn't being sued this time. But you'll never guess what he-- :'''Caesar Salazar''': Is this about the rancho? :'''Rex Salazar''': You know about it? :'''Caesar Salazar''': Those lawyers have left me a dozen messages. :'''Rex Salazar''': And you didn't tell me? Caesar, I never even knew we had this place! There might be photo albums, home movies-- I don't know-- maybe even an old teddy bear or something. :'''Caesar Salazar''': You never had a teddy bear. :'''Rex Salazar''': See, the fact that you know that and I don't-- that's why we need to go down there. :'''Lawyer''': Clear! :'''Caesar Salazar''': I can't, Rex. My work's already been interrupted once today. Although... Now that you mention the ranch, it does bring back some memories. :'''Rex Salazar''': Really? Like what? :'''Caesar Salazar''': There was an experiment I remember mom and dad running. If you could find the notes, it might save some time on the work I'm doing now. :'''Rex Salazar''': Notes? Come on. Isn't family more important than-- Guess not. :''[Rex sighs]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Why can't I have a normal brother? Know anything about cows? Thanks for coming with me. This is really a family thing, but my brother is, well-- My brother. :'''Noah Nixon''': Are you kidding? I'm psyched! I've been killing myself trying to find a birthday present for Claire. A vacation at my best friend's awesome ancestral estate? What other guy could offer her that? :'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, but then why bring Annie? :'''Annie''': Um, this just kind of broke off. :''[Annie, Claire and Noah screaming]'' :'''Noah Nixon''': AAAAAAH! :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': I sure hope this isn't included in Six's "You break it, you buy it" policy. :'''Annie''': Sorry. :'''Rex Salazar''': No problem. We're here. :'''Claire Bowman''': Are... you sure this is the place? :'''Noah Nixon''': What happened to it? :'''Annie''': Hey, don't look at me. I just got there. :''[Annie gasps]'' :'''Annie''': Okay, that was me. :'''Rex Salazar''': I guess this must be my... family. :'''Claire Bowman''': Looks like you-- But with a 'stache. :'''Annie''': I like you with a 'stache. :'''Claire Bowman''': Hey, there are chickens in here! :'''Annie''': And llamas! :'''Noah Nixon''': Chicken, llamas-- And a funny-looking bull. :''[Chiquito snorts]'' :'''Noah Nixon''': I-I-I take it back! You're not funny-looking! :'''Chiquito''': This place is Durango's! :'''Rex Salazar''': Well, actually-- :'''Chuquito''': No fancy talk! Just go! :'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Okay, number one, how is "actually" fancy talk! Number two, I don't know who Durango is, but this farm isn't his. And number three-- :''[Chiquito grunts]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Ugh! All right, there's no misunderstanding the international language of getting punched in the face. So read my fist-- Get out of my house! :'''Chiquito''': Durango will not be happy! :'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, don't know who that guy was, but problem solved. :'''Noah Nixon''': Uh, you think? Aah! :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Senior Durango''': Calmate, Chiquito. You are my brother. I would not do anything to hurt mi hermano. Unless you force me to. I cannot lose that tract of land. Without its right of way, I will lose my claim on the rest of the county. But never mind. They will learn-- When you mess with the bull, you get the horns. :'''Rex Salazar''': OHHH! Ugh! :'''Noah Nixon''': A chicken just tried to poop on my shoe! :'''Rex Salazar''': I think I can top you there. :'''Noah Nixon''': No offense, but when I asked Claire to come here, this wasn't what I was hoping for. :'''Rex Salazar''': Well, me either. I mean, I was thinking I'd find-- I don't know what. But everything in this place has been smashed or stolen. Maybe this whole family thing isn't for me. :''[Noah gasps]'' :'''Noah Nixon''': That's the one! :'''Claire Bowman''': Please, Noah. It just needed a little help laying an egg. :'''Rex Salazar''': ''[Chuckling]'' What, did you grow up on a farm in Kansas? :'''Claire Bowman''': An apartment in Chicago-- Which is where I learned to download videos onto my phone. :'''Telephone Voice''': When caring for an egg bearing hen, remember to-- :'''Muchado''': Hola? Quien esta aquí? :'''Rex Salazar''': Uh... hello? :'''Muchado''': So, you are the Americans? I am Señor Muchado-- The juez. :'''Claire Bowman''': That's like a judge? :'''Muchado''': Sí. For all intents and purposes, I am the law in this county-- Which is why I have come here with him. :'''Rex Salazar''': Good, because I definitely want to press charges. :'''Muchado''': You misunderstand. I am here because of the trouble you caused for Chiquito. :'''Rex Salazar''': Chiquito? :''[Rex chuckles]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Your mom must have some sense of humor to name you "Tiny". :''[Chiquito growls]'' :'''Muchado''': Chiquito's brother is Señor Durango. He controls most of the land in this county, including this hacienda. At Señor Durango's request, I have prepared a legal order compelling you to vacate. :'''Claire Bowman''': But this is Rex's farm. :'''Annie''': Yeah, he's got a deed and everything. :'''Muchado''': This might have some bearing-- If you were a Salazar. :'''Rex Salazar''': Well, we're in luck. I am. :'''Annie''': Maybe this will help. :'''Muchado''': You may be a Salazar, but by our law, this land has been deemed abandoned, and Señor Durango has claimed it. :'''Rex Salazar''': Sorry. Been sort of busy saving the world and stuff. But I'm here now, so consider his claim unclaimed, then reclaimed by me. :'''Muchado''': It is not so simple. You would have to demonstrate you are actively maintaining the ranch. That means shearing and feeding the animals, bringing your bulls to market-- :'''Rex Salazar''': To market? What, like a... cattle drive? :'''Claire Bowman''': No problem. We can totally figure out how to do that. :'''Muchado''': A ranch this size requires at least a dozen hired men. :'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, just... uh... :'''Muchado''': No one within 100 kilometers will help you cross Señor Durango. If you do this, you will do it alone. And you will fail. :'''Claire Bowman''': Well, that guy was kind of a jerk. :'''Annie''': Yeah. So, let's get to work. :'''Noah Nixon''': How? Everything here is broken. :'''Annie''': Uh, have you seen my house? :'''Rex Salazar''': You guys don't have to do this. :'''Claire Bowman''': What kind of friend would walk away now? :'''Noah Nixon''': Uh... yeah! No way you could stop me from helping take care of these totally not-gross animals. :'''Rex Salazar''': Really? :'''Noah Nixon''': Well, I'm smiling like that's what I mean, aren't? :''[Noah exhales deeply]'' :'''Noah Nixon''': I can do this! I can't do this. Until I've done my milking warm-up. :'''Claire Bowman''': Ugh. Hold this. :'''Telephone Voice''': With you head resting on her flank, gently grasp the udder with the palm of your hand. :'''Noah Nixon''': AAH! :''[Claire giggles]'' :'''Claire Bowman''': I think she likes you. :'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh! :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': This is your home. Get in your home! :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Whoa! AAAH! AAH! Ugh! This is hopeless! This farm only has one bull, and I can't even get it into the barn. And this... better just be mud. :'''Annie''': Hang on! I'll help you! :''[Annie gasps]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': No! Don't! :'''Noah Nixon''': Are you guys okay? :'''Claire Bowman''': What is it? A storm cellar? :'''Noah Nixon''': Looks like some kind of lab. :'''Rex Salazar''': Figures. My mom and dad were Caesar's parents, too. Of course they'd find a way to take work home with them. Probably where those notes Caesar wanted are. Might as well grab them before the judge kicks us out. :'''Claire Bowman''': What's he talking about? I think we're doing a pretty good job taking care of the-- :'''Annie''': Uh, guys-- :''[Claire grunts]'' :'''Claire Bowman''': Wait-- Donkeys eat hay, don't they? Maybe we can use it to lure them back into the barn. :'''Annie''': I got it! Ugh! :''[Annie gasps]'' :'''Noah Nixon''': Well, on the plus side, at least we now know for sure that donkeys do eat hay. :'''Rafael Salazar''': One day, these things are going to change the world, and you'll be there to see it. :'''Violetta Salazar''': ''[chuckling]'' Caesar, please, mi hijo. Stop working for a minute and hold the camera. :'''Young Caesar Salazar''': Okay! Okay! :''[Claire sniffs]'' :'''Claire Bowman''': What's that smell? :'''Noah Nixon''': Which one? Everything here smells. :'''Claire Bowman''': No, it smells like... smoke! :'''Annie''': Rex! The straw caught on fire, and it exploded! :''[Chiquito growls]'' :'''Chiquito''': Hermano! No! Oomph! :'''Senior Durango''': What were you thinking? I told you to smoke them out, not burn the land! This is my land! If you weren't my brother-- :''[Chiquito growls]'' :'''Senior Durango''': But you are. Come here. :'''Rex Salazar''': So, you must be the brother. Hope I'm not interrupting some kind of weird tender moment. :'''Senior Durango''': Soy Durango. And I hope there is still a chance we can reach a resonable agreement. :'''Claire Bowman''': So, then you'll let Rex keep the farm? We played by the rules. :'''Senior Durango''': Around here, I make the rules. :'''Annie''': But the judge said-- :'''Senior Durango''': The judge works for me. Now, please, I'm giving you one last chance to leave. :'''Noah Nixon''': Okay, sure! Oh, wait-- That's right. Your fire blew up what was left of our plane! :'''Rex Salazar''': Uh, let me handle the trash-talking with the 20-foot-tall monster EVO, okay? Leave them out of this! They shouldn't even be here! It should have been my brother! :'''Senior Durango''': That is why you will lose your farm. Without family, a man is nothing. After all, what is this land to them? :'''Rex Salazar''': I don't even know what this place is to me. I came here hoping to find out more about who my family is. :''[Rex start looking at Noah, Claire and Annie, and smile to them]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': And I did. So, you're going to stop threatening them-- And me-- And get off my land. :''[Durango snarls]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Okay. Here's the plan-- Stay behind me! Whoa! Ugh! :'''Noah Nixon''': Well, there goes that plan. :'''Senior Durango''': Hurt them. You can do that, can't you? :'''Claire Bowman''': W-what do we do now?! :'''Annie''': The only one of us with powers just got kicked to the curb. :'''Noah Nixon''': That depends on what you mean by "powers". :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Rex muffled grunting]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Not a good time, Caesar. :'''Caesar Salazar''': I just wanted to tell you-- Forget about those notes. I realized that's not what's important about you going down there. :''[Durango snarls]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Wow, Caesar. I can't believe you came around. :'''Caesar Salazar''': I just realized-- The really important thing is, if you happen to find a termo-chronometer I remember having down there, it would save me from ordering one. :''[Chiquito snarls]'' :''[Chiquito growls]'' :''[Chiquito snarls, roars]'' :'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh! :''[Chiquito snorts]'' <hr width80%> :[''On videotape of the Salazar family]'' :'''Rafael Salazar''': One day these things are going to change the world and you'll be there to see it. :'''Violetta Salazar''': Cesar, please miquito. Stop working for a minute and hold the camera. :'''Young Caesar Salazar''': Okay, okay. <hr width80%> :'''Noah Nixon''': This morning, I almost had to touch a cow's underparts. You think you can do me worse than that? Bring it. :''[Chiquito snarls]'' :''[Chiquito roars]'' :'''Annie''': Ugh! I didn't mean for that to happen. :'''Claire Bowman''': We did. :'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Ugh! AAAAAAAAAAARGH! :'''Senior Durango''': OOMPH! :''[Durango lows]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-O-O-O O-OA! :''[Durango lows]'' :''[Durango snorts]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAH! :''[Durango growls]'' :''[Durango growls]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Trust me-- My brother's let me down way worse. But what am I gonna do? He's my brother. :'''Senior Durango''': It is over. :'''Rex Salazar''': Nice ego there, but I've been hit a lot harder. :''[Durango spits]'' :'''Senior Durango''': Those bells signal the market is ending soon. I can see you have yet to herd you cattle there. :'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, come on! The one cattle I've got doesn't even move! :'''Senior Durango''': If you do not have your cattle to market before it ends, you will have failed to fulfill your deed, and this land will be mine. :'''Rex Salazar''': Then I guess I don't have any time to waste talking about it. :'''Claire Bowman''': Come on. Come here. :'''Rex Salazar''': Forget it. I got this. :'''Claire Bowman''': WHOO-HOO! Yes! Go, Rex! :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Claire Bowman''': Where's Durango? :'''Rex Salazar''': OWW! Come on! You don't move the whole time, and you can't stay still? :''[Durango grunting]'' :'''Noah Nixon''': What is this, a western? You're actually trying to stop him with a rockslide? :'''Senior Durango''': You? Here? How is that even possible? :'''Telephone Voice''': Donkeys can be ridden surprinsingly fast if you-- :'''Noah Nixon''': Come on! Just give up! The farm belong to Rex. And I really want to get off this thing. :'''Senior Durango''': You think I'm afraid of you ''[scoffs]'' boy? :'''Claire Bowman''': Oh, it's not the boy you should be afraid of. :'''Annie''': Oops. :''[Durango grunting]'' :'''Senior Durango''': Ugh! :''[Rex panting]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': We sheared the llamas, we milked the cows, I got the bull to town. We did everything in the deed. :'''Muchado''': Sí, sí. But more important, you faced Durango and won! Once the other ranchers hear of this, they won't be afraid. You have broken Durango's hold on our lands. :'''Rex Salazar''': Wait-- You're... happy about that? :'''Muchado''': Of course. I told you exactly what you had to do to legally gain control of the land, didn't I? :'''Rex Salazar''': Huh. I guess you did. :'''Claire Bowman''': Wow! Can you believe how you perfect this all worked out? :'''Noah Nixon''': Yeah, uh, so, maybe we should get out of here before we wear out our welcome. :'''Rex Salazar''': There's just one thing I want to do first. ===The Rescue=== :''Note'': Rex goes alone to rescue his girlfriend Circe from the clutches of Black Knight. but it turns out she has been waiting for him. <hr width80%> ===Alone Together=== :''Note'': Finally together at last, Rex and Circe reminiscence about their good and hard times together ans their romance begins to grow. ===Retribution=== ===Temporary Insanity=== ===Crime and Punishment=== :''Note:'' His false insanity revealed, Van Kleiss abducts Circe with the intent of punishing her for betraying him, due to her enduring love for Rex. <hr width80%> :'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, Circe, you shall learn the ultimate price of betraying me. :'''Rex:''' ''Leave her alone!!'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, Rex. For young love. One of your greatest weaknesses. After I finish off your beloved, you will no longer be a hindrance to me. :'''Rex''' (''enraged'')''':''' I ''said''...LEAVE HER ALONE!!! <hr width80%> ===Shadowed Past=== ===Separation Anxiety=== ===Brotherly Love=== ===Rocky My World=== :'''Beverly:''' Oh, this is so awesome! We're seeing the Trendbenders live! :'''Rex:''' Well, maybe not see them, but we'll totally hear them. :'''Sebastian''': Attention! The Trendbenders will be arriving through the back of the club. :'''Beverly:''' Slick trick! Yes, Rebecca. I know! Only drink the bottled water. No, we're not that close to the stage. Ugh! I know that's where they mosh-pit. Don't worry! Bye! :'''Rex:''' Your sister is acting like your mother. I wouldn't put up with it. Doc?! I'm right next to her! Yes, we've got earplugs. Only bottled water-- I know! Yes, you'll pick us up at 11:00. Okay! Bye! :'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' I met a guy who has looking for a lucky break. I met a guy mad he wouldn't make a mistake. No loser here the weight would be upon his face. This ain't no lucky break it's just another day. :'''Beverly:''' Hey! :'''Rex:''' There's something wrong with that guy. :'''Beverly:''' Yeah! It's called lack of social skills. :'''Sebastian:''' We have to talk! You got to listen to me! :'''Rex:''' I think they're a little too busy for a chat right now. :'''Sebastian:''' It's me! Your first fan! :'''Rex:''' Come on, dude. Can't you just watch the show, like everyone else? :'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' You won't bring me down. Yeah-yeah-yeah. You won't bring me down. :'''Sebastian:''' I'm not just everyone else. :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Sebastian:''' You want to rethink trying to stop me? :'''Beverly:''' Whoa! Geek in triplicate! :'''Rex:''' More like EVO geek. :'''Sebastian:''' I bet you're not even a real fan! :'''Rex:''' Hey, I know their music! :'''Sebastian:''' Yeah? What album is "Bitten on the Wind" from? :'''Beverly:''' Uh, their first album. :'''Sebastian:''' Wrong! Their third! Poser! :'''Sly:''' Here's one from our first album-- "Bitten on the Wind." :'''Beverly:''' Told ya! Their first album! Who's the poser now? :'''Sebastian:''' But it is their third. They keep denying their first two albums exist! :'''Rex:''' Huh? :''[Rex bones cracking]'' :'''Rex:''' Shouldn't you be home, making sure your mom isn't snooping around your basement? Ouch! All right, I've had enough. :'''Sebastian:''' I know you. You're that guy from Providence that beats up on EVOs. :'''Rex:''' And I'm guessing you're not one of my fans. :'''Sebastian:''' This isn't over! They still need me to show them the way back. I'll make them listen to me.. No matter what! Ugh! :'''Man:''' No re-entry without a hand stamp. :'''Rex:''' Uh, but-- :'''JoJo:''' It's okay. He's with me. I'm JoJo, the band's manager. :'''Beverly:''' Oh! Sly Tyler, vocals, six-stringer. Burrito Beau on the big bottom, and Leon Adler on the skins. :'''Beau:''' Bass. Drums. :'''Beverly:''' They're even cutter up close! :'''JoJo:''' But Sebastian isn't. And now that fruitcake fan has become a major menace. :'''Rex:''' You know who that guy is? :'''Sly:''' Yeah, he's one of our first fans from way back. :'''Leon:''' But he didn't like our change in music direction. :'''Beau:''' Change, like in popular. :'''Sly:''' So he started sending us nasty e-mails and slagging us on the fan sites. :'''JoJo:''' But now he's turned violent, and it turns out he's... H-he's... :'''Rex:''' An EVO that can multiply himself. :'''JoJo:''' We can't handle that kind of threat, but you can. :'''Beverly:''' Is this a job offer? :'''JoJo:''' As head of security for the rest of the tour. :'''Rex:''' Huh, I don't know. Putting up with groupies, great music, catering, the Rock'n'roll lifestyle-- Oh, right, like I'm not totally in for this! :'''Beverly:''' And I'm your deputy, sheriff. :'''Sly:''' Absolutely. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Absolutely not. :'''Rex:''' They've got an EVO threat. :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Fine, Rex. Beverly? And don't forget to use earplugs. :'''Rex:''' Private jet to the next gig? Airline-- First class? Coach? :'''JoJo:''' Of the road kind. :'''Rex:''' Traveling the open road, bringing music to the people. Where to next? :'''Beau:''' Eugene, Oregon. ''[Unenthusiastically]'' WHOO-HOO! :'''Rex:''' Ow! :'''Leon:''' Bad seat. Got a lot of them. :''[Beau farts]'' :''[Rex sniffs]'' :'''Leon and Rex:''' Oh! :''[Leon coughs]'' :'''Leon:''' Isn't the ozone layer depleted enough, Beau? :'''Rex:''' Want to hit the streets and check out the local scene? :'''Sly:''' Seriously, man? It's just another town. :'''Beau:''' Been there. Seen them all. :'''TV Announcer:''' He's currently under 3, 2 behind the leader. This is a very tricky-- :'''Rex:''' Oh, let's throw this in the pool! :'''Leon:''' Hey, I'm watching something, dude! :'''Rex:''' How about a food fight? :'''Sly:''' Sorry, man. Not feeling it. :'''Rex:''' This isn't feeling very Rock'n'Roll. :'''JoJo:''' Rex, we hired you to consult on security, not rock-tour clichés. :'''Sebastian:''' Room service. :'''JoJo:''' Again? You guys, this is costing too much. :'''Sly:''' But we didn't order anything else. :'''Sebastian:''' That's okay. This is on the house! :''[Sebastian grunts]'' :''[JoJo gasps]'' :'''Rex:''' Look out! He's got... Paperwork? :'''Sebastian:''' I've got notes and visuals on where you've gone commercial and how you can get back to your roots! He's with the band now? He's not even a real fan! You see? You've got to come with me. You need my help! :'''Rex:''' They're not going anywhere, but you are! :'''Sebastian:''' My copies don't feel pain. :'''Rex:''' But you do! :'''Girl:''' Whoa! You must really be a big fan! :'''Sebastian:''' Only of their early stuff. :'''Girl:''' Eww! Their early stuff is weak. :'''Teen girl:''' But their new songs are awesome! :''[Girls giggling]'' :''[Sebastian growls]'' :''[Girls screaming]'' :'''Rex:''' Excuse me. I'm with the band. :'''Teen girl:''' But you missed your ride. :'''Rex:''' That's okay. I've got my own. :'''Man:''' Rock bands! Never again! :'''Sebastian:''' I've got to take you away from this sellout existence, where you deny your first two albums even exist. :'''Sly:''' B-but those albums weren't any good. That's why we only had a few fans, like you. :'''Rex:''' If there's only three of them, then who's driving the car? :'''Sebastian:''' Aah! :'''Rex:''' Did he... Ah! Rent that car from the circus? Time to cut this act short. :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Sebastian:''' Oh, man. I went to my first Trendbenders show in that car. :'''Rex:''' Maybe I can't turn off your obsession, but I can shut down your nanites. :'''Beau:''' That clone-boy? :'''Rex:''' I don't think he's going to be a problem now. :'''JoJo:''' We can still use you on the tour. What did you say? :'''Rex:''' Yes! :'''Sly:''' Good man! ''[singing]'' You see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, "yeah, we almost made it", "yeah, but we're overrated", kill your radio, you live a life for all to see, sometimes it's right, sometimes obscene, now you're the enemy, it's one for all and all for me, unlocking doors and misery, the others burn out and sing, "yeah, we almost made it", "yeah, but we're overrated", out of time, kill your radio, "yeah, we almost made it", "yeah, but we're overrated", out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, it isn't all, that it's cracked up to be, I never thought it'd be so easy, I wouldn't have it any other way, you see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, "yeah, we almost made it", "yeah, but we're overrated", out of time, kill your radio, "yeah, we almost made it", "yeah, but we're overrated", out of time, kill your radio, "yeah". :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Sly:''' At least we got a day off before the next gig. :'''JoJo:''' Guys, a club owner in fleeceburg just offered us amazing money. I booked it. :'''Rex:''' For when? :'''JoJo:''' We're already running late. :'''Sly:''' They're paying money for us to play in this dump? :'''JoJo:''' Big money. Come on. You're on in ten minutes. :'''Rex:''' I'm guessing ticket sales are a little slow. :'''Leon:''' Are we breaking up? :'''Beau:''' This dive seems awfully familiar. :'''Sebastian:''' It should. :'''Rex:''' That voice seems awfully familiar! :'''Teens:''' Dude! Nobody move! What's going on? Who's touching me? What is this? Excuse me. What is going on? :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Sebastian:''' I built an exact replica of the first club you played in. :'''Beau:''' Hey, that's one of my puke stains. Fruitcake knows his details. :'''Rex:''' But I cured you. :'''Sebastian:''' Hmm... That was a copy, not the original. :'''Sly:''' Whatever. When's this gonna end, fan-boy? :'''Sebastian:''' It ends tonight. Check the floor at your feet. :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Sebastian:''' I've given up trying to get you back to your roots. So now you'll play what I want to hear for the next hour. And then your career ends with a bang. :'''Sly:''' On behalf of the band, I'd like to thank our manager, JoJo, for booking this totally insane gig! :''[JoJo laughs nervously]'' :'''Sebastian:''' The sound of cold, hard cash is the only music sellouts like you listen to anymore. :'''Rex:''' They're not sellouts. They just got more popular than you wanted. :'''Sebastian:''' You try anything, and I'll end their last gig prematurely. You're only alive because I want you to see what the Trendbenders used to be like. For the next hour give me the early stuff, when you were cool. :'''Sly:''' Why bother? You're gonna nuke us, anyway. :'''Sebastian:''' Because if you don't play, this happens! :'''Sly:''' Aah! :'''Leon, Sly and Beau:''' No more! :'''Sly:''' Okay, dude, what's the first number? :'''Sebastian:''' "Crawling undertow"! :'''Sly:''' Well, how does it feel? :'''Sebastian:''' First album, seventh song. Fifth song on the Japanese import. :'''Sly:''' To get that weight back on our shoulders-- :'''Sebastian:''' You're giving it a beat that wasn't in the original, man! Not even in the remix from the box set. Play it right this time! I'm missing the concert because of you! :'''Rex:''' Stinks to be you. Got to cure the real Sebastian. But which one is the mother ship? :'''Sebastian:''' You can't even play your old songs like you used to. Total disappointment. Let's end this bummer concert. :'''Sly:''' But we still have over a half-hour left! :'''Sebastian:''' Last song, no encore. :'''Rex:''' Tell me who's the original, or I'll turn you into dessert topping! :'''Sebastian:''' You don't scare me. I don't feel pain. :'''Rex:''' But the real Sebastian does. Sly! Maximum feedback! Now! Thanks, Doc. :'''Sebastian''': AAAHHHH! :'''Rex:''' How do you like their new hit, Sebastian Prime? Here's another new groove you're not going to like. :'''Sebastian:''' Aah! :'''Rex:''' Congrats. You're back to being a solo act. :'''Sebastian:''' You've got to listen to me! :''[Sebastian yelling]'' :'''Rex:''' Kidnapping, assault and battery, construction without a permit-- that should keep him away for years. :'''JoJo:''' Have to say it, guys, but we've got a gig in toledo to get to. Security? :'''Rex:''' Not anymore. Sebastian's done, and so am I. :'''Sly:''' Dude, I thought you wanted the rock'n'roll lifestyle. :'''Rex:''' I'm not tough enough for it. I need to get back to something easier, like city-smashing EVOs and conspiracies to take over the world. :'''Beau:''' Don't know what your missing. :'''Rex:''' I think do. But I don't miss this. Yes, doc? Don't need my earplugs anymore. I quit. Will you let me tell you? No, the EVO threat wasn't just an excuse. Well, I'm coming back! Will you let-- Doc! ===Lost and Found=== ===My Brother's Keeper=== ===Target: the Consortium=== : '''Jungle Cat:''' You are...? : '''Rex:''' Rex. Rex Salazar. What are you? : '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found. : '''Rex:''' HUNH! AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! : ''[Rex gasps deeply]'' : '''Rex:''' Whoa. That was a total zero on the fun meter. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Learning how to communicate with the nanite world isn't about fun. Did you get anywhere at all? : '''Rex:''' Don't know. I connected with a Master Control Nanite for a second, and then I lost it. But I also got, like, this feeling that something's about to happen in the nanite world. Something... big. : '''Dr. Meechum:''' Argh! This is Rylander's speciality, not mine. There's no way I can cover for him. : '''Caesar:''' Not to worry, Dr. Meechum. You won't have to any longer. Dr. Rylander will take over from here. : '''Dr. Meechum:''' Oh, really, Caesar? From his current location of beyond the grave? : '''Rylander:''' Actually, Peter, I was never completely dead-- just spread a little thin-- ''[chuckling]'' Moleculary speaking. Caesar's been working on putting me back together. : '''Black Knight:''' All of them together-- At last. Contact the Consortium. We now have something to show them. Something big. : '''White Knight:''' Even having two of the Master-Control Nanites doesn't change the vital importance of finding the other three. But the latest intel I've received could give us a way to neutralize the group obsessed with these machines. : '''Six:''' The Consortium. : '''Rex:''' Aren't those the money guys that bankrolled the Nanite Project in Providence? : '''White Knight:''' The same. Formerly made-up of six members, but now five-- Reddick, made his wealth in real estate and construction. Vostock, black market finance and KGB... Zanubian, arms dealing and shipping. Roswell, oil and minerals. Anthony Haden-Scott, worldwide media. : ''[Rex munches]'' : '''Rex:''' Should we be writing this down for the pop quiz later? : '''White Knight:''' You may be facing them soon because of the efforts of our stealthiest agent. : '''Rex:''' Mm! Thank you! I think. : '''Jungle Cat:''' He's not talking about you. : '''Rex:''' Hey! It's Evo-cat guy! Uh... sorry-- What's your name? O...kay, cat with no collar, what's in the sack? Bunch of canaries? Well, that's... something. : '''White Knight:''' Our associate has been tracking the Consortium with a little help from a former member. : '''Rex:''' I remember him! He's the one Rylander got revenge on with an EVO love letter. : '''Jungle Cat:''' That he never recovered from. But he's still full of useful knowledge about the other members. : '''Rex:''' As long as you have a towel handy for the answers. : '''Jungle Cat:''' The Consortium has financed a new facility for nanite research. All of them will be at that location within the next six hours. : '''Six:''' And so will we. : '''White Knight:''' A rare opportunity like this can't be missed. You three will capture the Consortium and bring them to a secure location. Understood? : '''Rex:''' Purrfectly. : '''Black Knight:''' Gentlemen, I wanted you here today to-- : '''Reddick:''' "Wanted?" Sounds like a command. : '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You get to ask, not order. : '''Black Knight:''' I'm sorry. Let me restate. I asked you here because I can now present some major developments in your quest. I finished construction on the nanite reactor and reassembled against all odds the original science team to run it. Doctors Meechum, systems expert. Salazar, artificial intelligence. Rylander, microengineering. And Van Kleiss, biomechanical integration. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Nanite's recorder locked in. Hologram Rylander saves money on meals. Glow, glow, glow, yipper. : ''[Van Kleiss smooches]'' : '''Dr. Meechum:''' A human flashlight and a brain-fried babbler. This is what I'm supposed to work with. : '''Vostok:''' Looks like your geniuses have some issues. : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' ''[British accent]'' I seem to recall there were two other Salazars on the team. : '''Black Knight:''' They're dead-- And just as well. Considering their actions are responsible for our setbacks, I highly doubt they would have cooperated. : ''[Jungle Cat snarls]'' : '''Black Pawns:''' Ohh! : ''[Rex gasps]'' : '''Rex:''' Black Pawns got to talk to their costume designer. Way too stuffy. : '''Jungle Cat:''' Be quiet. : '''Six:''' Our target? : '''Roswell:''' ''[Southern accent]'' Little lady, I'm hoping you didn't get me out here just to watch some lab jockeys do their homework. : '''Vostok:''' I know I've got better things to do. : '''Black Knight:''' Aside from the all-important reassembly of the science team and activation of the nanite reactor, I do have another development to show you. : '''Roswell:''' Yeah? What else you got? : '''Black Knight:''' An acquisition. : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found. : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Jungle Cat:''' What's wrong with you? : '''Rex:''' Forget the Consortium! I know where we can find a Master-Control Nanite. : '''Six:''' Where? : '''Rex''': Here. : '''Six:''' We're doing both. You two get the nanite, I'll get the Consortium. : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' On of the five? That's all? : '''Reddick:''' You know we need all of the Master-Control Nanites to do us any good. : '''Vostok:''' What about the two you lost? And the other two still out there? : '''Black Knight:''' We'll have the other four in due time. Take this back to the vault. But remember that each one has its own useful powers. : '''Roswell:''' Not enough to drag me all the way out there, little lady. : '''Black Knight:''' "Black Knight". : '''Black Pawns:''' You're not one of us. : '''Six:''' Stay clear of the Pawns. They're not buying our cover. Repeat-- Stay clear of the Pawns. : '''Rex:''' Steel door. A vault! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Jungle Cat:''' That was close. : '''Rex:''' Got it. Have to be as stealthy as you from now on. : ''[Jungle Catsnarls]'' : ''[Jungle Cat snarling]'' : '''Jungle Cat:''' Van Kleiss! : ''[Jungle Cat muffled grunting]'' : '''Rex:''' Way not to be stealthy. Sorry, cat guy. I know you want payback for him turning you into stone and all, but the nanite is more important. : '''Black Pawns:''' Security alert. Intruder. : ''[Jungle Cat snarls]'' : '''Jungle Cat:''' You find the nanite. I'll be a diversion. <hr width80%> : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' She has shown us some progress. That one nanite is significant in itself. : '''Reddick:''' It's all five or nothing. Or are you thinking of working a separate deal with the one? : '''Vostok:''' Can we please not talk like this while those two are in the room? : '''Roswell:''' Yeah, Xanubian, put a sock in all your yammerin'. : '''Black Pawns:''' Another intruder at security zone three. It's Agent Six. : '''Rex:''' Gotcha. : '''Black Pawns:''' Unh! Aah! : '''Rex:''' I'll take that. Six! I've got the nanite! : '''Six:''' Meet your outside. : ''[Rex gasps]'' : ''[Rex grunting]'' : ''[Jungle Cat snarls]'' : '''Rex:''' I've got it! Let's scat, cat! : '''Black Knight:''' If he's here-- So is Rex. Vault security, come in. : '''Reddick:''' Is there a problem? : '''Black Knight:''' A minor security issue. I'm taking care of it. : '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You better, little lady. : '''Rex:''' Well, mission half accomplished. : '''Six:''' This should complete it. : '''Rex:''' You planted a bomb?! : '''Six:''' Plan "B". : '''Rex:''' The cat! He's still inside! No! We've got to go back for the cat! He's on his own mission. Van Kleiss is there. : '''Six:''' Understood. : '''Black Pawns:''' Black Knight, shouldn't we evacuate? : '''Black Knight:''' The security threat has been removed. Among other things. Track them, find them. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Interlace template, instal copper buffers, hold the mayo, set core temp, heat cold fries. : '''Jungle Cat:''' Remember me? : '''Van Kleiss:''' Someone let the cat in. : '''Jungle Cat:''' You cast me aside as if I was garbage. Turned me to stone. Drained me of life-- Almost. Now it's your turn to suffer. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Had a kitty once. Not you. Bubbles liked catnip and parsnips. Chapped lips. Hip, hip, hooray! : ''[Jungle Cat growls]'' : '''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're here to clean up, ask for directions, not Dr. Screwloose. : '''Rex:''' Ugh! Meechum. Bro. He's here to put Van Kleiss out of the world's misery. Give me a reason why he shouldn't. : ''[Jungle Cat growls]'' : '''Rylander:''' Because the world needs him right now, Rex. : '''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander! How did you-- : ''[Rex gasps]'' : '''Rex:''' ''[to Caesar]'' You got it to work. : '''Rylander:''' I've looked better, I'll admit, but I'm still very much alive. And so happy to see you again. : '''Rex:''' If you could bring him back-- : '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. It won't work for mom and dad. : '''Rex:''' So, you've come back-- But you're working for them! : '''Rylander:''' It seems crazy, I know, but look at our progress-- The nanite reactor is almost operational! : '''Rex:''' Not if I destroy it. : '''Black Knight:''' Surround them. : '''Caesar:''' Trust me, hermano, We're doing the right thing. : '''Rex:''' You keep saying that, but I don't believe it anymore! : ''[Jungle Cat snarls]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' Bubbles, I'm sorry. Here, kitty, kitty. Left you out in the rain, rain go away-- : ''[Jungle Cat snarls]'' : ''[Jungle Cat snarling]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! Easy on the hot sauce, Peter, Peter pumpkin two seater. : '''Rylander:''' ''[to Caesar]'' Tell him, Caesar! : '''Rex:''' Tell me what? : '''Six:''' Revenge time is up. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Jungle Cat snarls]'' : ''[Jungle Cat roars]'' : '''Dr. Meechum:''' Aah! Careful! Our work! Ugh! Take it outside! : '''Rex:''' Ugh! : ''[Rex grunting]'' : '''Jungle Cat:''' Rex. Rex Salazar. : '''Rex:''' I can't talk now! Ugh! : '''Black Knight:''' Thank you. : '''Rex:''' You're so not welcome. : '''Black Knight:''' You should have left when you had the chance. : ''[Black Knight grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' You guys have such a great cafeteria. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Had to come back for more. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Aah! Unh! : '''Six:''' Unh! : ''[Black Knight grunting]'' : '''Black Knight:''' Unh! : '''Six:''' UNNNNNNNNH! : '''Black Knight:''' Ugh! : ''[Jungle Cat snarls]'' : '''Rex:''' Let's say adiós. : '''Six:''' There's still plan "B". : '''Rex:''' We're not assassins. : '''Six:''' You're not. This might be our one chance. : '''Rex:''' To be like them? Then what makes us different? : '''Six:''' Go. I'm right behind you. : '''Roswell:''' You brought us into an ambush! Right behind you, Mr. Chatterbox. : '''Vostok:''' You are cowards. : '''Reddick:''' Graveyards are full of dummies that thought they were though. : '''Vostok:''' Black Knight, we have a lot to discuss about your future. : '''Black Knight:''' By all means, let's talk. : '''Jungle Cat:''' Where's Six? : '''Rex:''' He said he was right behind us. : '''Six:''' I am. The Consortium still has to be dealt with. : '''Rex:''' We now have three Master Control Nanites. I'd say the Consortium has to deal with us. : '''Six:''' Understood. : '''Jungle Cat:''' Purrfectly. : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I'm shocked. What happened? : '''Black Knight:''' It seems Vostok had an unfortunate run-in with our intruders as he was leaving. But, there's good news. The reactor is gone. Soon we will have all the nanites we need. : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' "We"? : '''Black Knight:''' I think it's time we walked about my promotion. ===Convergence=== ===Enter the Nanite World=== ===Enemies Mine=== : '''Valve:''' Battle is to be waged between your courage and my power. You lose. : '''Gatlocke:''' Valve, my friend. Lovely day for a riot, don't you think? : '''Valve:''' What do you want, Gatlocke? : '''Gatlocke:''' I want lots of things-- A doomsday weapon, my own private island, for my mom to stop calling me to fix her computer. But what I really want is to give you a message. It's time. I suppose I'll make the introductions. : '''Valve:''' A biker needs no introduction. And everyone knows Hunter Cain. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Everything is going according to plan. We get one more thing. Then we get wrecked. : '''Rex:''' Sorry we're late. : '''Bobo:''' We're not late. We're fashionably early. : '''Providence Agent:''' I was starting to think I was on my own. I've been calling for help, but Providence hasn't answered. : '''Six:''' What set this off? : '''Providence Agent:''' No idea. One moment everything was fine. The next moment, complete chaos. : '''Rex:''' I'm heading in. I'll lock up when I'm done. Oh, don't bother getting up. I'm just gonna knock you back down again. : '''Bobo:''' Back in your cages, you filthy animals! : '''Rex:''' Huh? What? You? It's a who's-who of old EVOs. Whew! Really not in the mood for this. You're kidding me. You?! : '''Gatlocke:''' Three men, one objective, no rules. Oh, this is exciting, isn't it? Or is it just me? : '''Valve:''' The others are saying that Rex is here. Rex will get his when we're ready. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Watch yourselves. This one's unpredictable. We know what you want, No-Face. Then we can give it to you. Do what we say. Then you'll get Rex. You'll get the chance to tear Rex apart. Piece by piece. Now we're ready. : '''Rex:''' So you remember who I am. Surprised you have a big enough brain for that. These cells are pretty dull. Let's redecorate. No way I'm letting an EVO get won over on me. Especially a big old frog. : '''Gatlocke:''' Almost out. Freedom is just a... Bottomless ravine away. : '''Valve:''' The biker begs the question, how are we getting across? : '''Gatlocke:''' You know that's not really how begging the question is supposed to be used. Are we kidding? Anyone who gets worked up over that phrase needs to be savagely beaten. : '''Hunter Cain:''' This'll override the drawbridge system. : '''Gatlocke:''' Ooh, now how would someone like you procure something like that? : '''Hunter Cain:''' Friends and hide places. : '''Rex:''' Okay, frog legs. Let's put you in solitary confinement. : '''Bobo:''' Do you look like you got run over by an overstuffed garbage truck? : '''Rex:''' Feels like it. This is a prison riot. Where's Providence? They should be all over this. : '''Six:''' They never responded to any calls. : '''Rex:''' It's a setup. Providence wanted this to happen. But why? : '''Six:''' Six here. Go ahead. : '''Rex:''' Wait. This bridge wasn't down before. : '''Bobo:''' Yeah. About that. Some of the prisoners escaped together. Gatlocke... : '''Rex:''' That's bad. : '''Bobo:''' Hunter Cain... : '''Rex:''' That's even worse! : '''Bobo:''' Valve. : '''Rex:''' That's... Really? Valve? : '''Bobo:''' Yeah. And No-Face. : '''Rex:''' Those four are loose? Together? : '''Six:''' We've got a bigger problem. : '''Rex:''' How can it be bigger than this? : '''Six:''' The EVOs in the city-- The only thing keeping them tame are their control collars. : '''Rex:''' And this is a problem because...? : '''Six:''' Because someone has shut them all down. : '''Rex:''' Let me get that for you. : '''Bobo:''' Dumpster dog. Considering you used to ride around in the Paris, I guess you're moving up in the world. Main to your mud. : '''Six:''' Are you injured? : '''Rex:''' Just worn out. Is this day over yet? : '''Bobo:''' Oh! Signs pointing no. : '''Rex:''' Huh? That came from the track. Can you handle things here? : '''Bobo:''' Only one way to find out. Valve. Those nanite superchargers you keep using are bad for your health. : '''Valve:''' If I were you, I'd be more concerned with your own short-term health. : '''Rex:''' Please, like I have anything to worry about from you. The other three, they're dangerous. You, you're just comedy relief. : '''Valve:''' I am not. Comedy relief. : '''Rex:''' Well, you're not funny, that's for sure. : '''Valve:''' Like the road that continues on, so must the biker. : '''Rex:''' Where did he go so? Ew! Get away from my tacos, cockroach! Huh? You running away? I'll give you this much, Valve. Maybe you're getting smarter. : '''No-Face:''' Unlike you. : '''Rex:''' I put you away once, No-Face. I'll do it again. : '''No-Face:''' The one who makes machines. The one we've been waiting for. : '''Rex:''' Huh? Figures you try to shoot a guy in the back. : '''Hunter Cain:''' All I see is a filthy EVO. : '''Rex:''' Okay, first off, that Lai is tired. Second off, last time I checked, you're teaming up with one. Would that make you an EVO lover? All this hide and seek is wearing me down! Huh? Figures. : '''Gatlocke:''' Leaving so soon? That's not going to impress the hiring committee. Now, let's see what we have here. "Honor roll, A/V Club." Ugh. "Glee Club." ''[Scoffs]'' I'm going to have to be brutally honest with you. You're perfect for my gang. Can you sing soprano? My last soprano drove his motorcycle off a cliff. He survived, but his voice was never the same. By the way, can you fly? This is quite the surprise. I'm willing to hire you, Rex, but you better have some excellent references. : '''Rex:''' Back to prison, Gatlocke! : '''Gatlocke:''' Then consider the offer rescinded! You could be a valued member of my gang. It's a tough job market out there, you know? : '''Rex:''' I'd never work for you! : '''Gatlocke:''' No, not with that attitude, you wouldn't. Welcome to my gang. Your first task is to destroy Rex-- That guy right there. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Gatlocke:''' Your second task is to complete harassment training. I teach the class. This pamphlet explains everything. : '''Rex:''' No, no, no! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, come in. What's happening? : '''Rex:''' One really bad day. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Your nanite readings are off the charts. : '''Rex:''' No surprise. I've been fighting and curing EVOs non stop. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' We need to upload your nanites immediately. : '''Rex:''' Now? Doc, my four worst enemies are still on the loose. Well, my three worst enemies in Valve. Plus the city's in chaos. And where in the world is Providence? How come they're not here dealing with this? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Six and Bobo can mop up the last few EVOs. You have to offload. : '''Rex:''' Okay, fine. But we better make it fast. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' You'll be locked in the chamber for one hour. : '''Rex:''' Just do it, doc. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' This could be a long sixty minutes. : '''Valve:''' According to the tracking bug, Rex is inside. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Gentlemen, this is what we've been waiting for. It's time for Rex to die. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' They followed him. : '''Gatlocke:''' After we kill Rex. We should work together and form a team call ourselves... Gatlocke and the kitty cats. : '''Valve:''' Silence your mouth or the biker will silence it for you. : '''Gatlocke:''' Oh, Valve. You can pretend to be angry, but deep down, you know you're a kitty cat. : '''Hunter Cain:''' They know we're here. : '''Gatlocke:''' You're quite feisty. Have you ever considered a career in the fast growing field of post apocalyptic gangs? : '''Valve:''' She has spirit. Valve the biker will see that spirit crushed. : '''Gatlocke:''' You're Gatlocke's favorite kitty cat. Hmm. Rrr. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Don't follow her. She's trying to lead us away from Rex. Rex is close-by. : '''Valve:''' Rex's chamber... Five minutes to spare. : '''Hunter Cain:''' More than enough time. : '''Gatlocke:''' I could have sworn that we'd agreed to take Rex out together. : '''Hunter Cain:''' I'm changing the terms of the deal if you have a problem with that, feel free to stand right where you are. I've waited a long time for this. Rex! : '''Valve:''' Empty? Or a trick of the mind? : '''Rex:''' Isn't that obvious? Then again, that tracking bug you stuck on me was obvious, too. And the fake countdown? Obvious. It only took me thirty minutes to upload my nanites. You wanted to run me ragged so you could get me. Instead, here you are all in one place. Gotcha! : '''Valve:''' UGHH! : '''Rex:''' UGHHHH! I still don't get why you enlisted Valve. I mean, he's really a third-string bad guy. : '''Valve:''' Valve is the biker. A biker is dangerous. : '''Rex:''' Hmm. Yeah. No. : '''Valve:''' Rrrr! : '''Rex:''' So unpredictable. Like a third-string bad guy. : '''Valve:''' AAAAH! : '''Gatlocke:''' I have a horrible sneaking suspicion that he's winning. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Then do something about it! : '''Gatlocke:''' Don't have to yell. A kind word will get you much further. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Gatlocke:''' UGHHH! Oh! Oh! Oh ho ho! Ouch! My back! My front and my back! OHH! This is total, total agony! : ''[Gatlocke gasps]'' : '''Gatlocke:''' ''[Calmly]'' I'm okay. Really. I'm fine. : '''Hunter Cain:''' You're lucky. I'll give you that. But you're only delaying the inevitable. You can't beat us all! : '''Rex:''' I never intended to. This offload facility? I reprogrammed it. My surplus nanites aren't being stored. They're powering the shield. : '''Hunter Cain:''' It's a trap! : '''Rex:''' Have fun keeping each other company! : '''Bobo:''' What a day. : '''Rex:''' You know, none of this would have happened if Providence hadn't released the convicts and turned out all those EVOs. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' They did that to keep you busy. : '''Rex:''' Keep me busy from what? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' The Nanite Project. We just found out. While we dealt with the EVOs, Black Knight got her hands on another Master-Control Nanite. : '''Rex:''' Then it's time. ===Sinister Secrets=== ===Wounded Hearts=== ===One Step Ahead=== ===Breaking Point=== ===Behind Closed Doors=== ===Keeping Hope=== ===Trust=== ===Terror of the Black Knight=== ===Endgame, Part One=== : '''Rex:''' It was going to happen sooner or later. We had most of the pieces, so it was only a matter of time before the Black Knight made her move. And of all the chances she had to attack, it had to be tonight... at this very moment... while I was in the shower. Huh? How many? : '''Six:''' Should it matter? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Can't you do any better than that? : '''Bobo:''' I thought you'd never ask. : '''Rex:''' Rah! Yah! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' If they get to the Meta-Nanites, we still have options. : '''Rex:''' Of the self-destruct kind? No, thanks, doc. It's not going to end that way... hopefully. : '''Black Knight:''' We'll dispense with the pleasantries. You know what we want. : '''Rex:''' There is no way you're walking out of here with the nanites. : '''Black Knight:''' You seem so certain. : '''Rex:''' We've beaten you before. Every single time, in fact. So, this time is different... How? Okay, that's different. Ugh! You're an EVO?! : '''Black Knight:''' Do you think you were the only one they experimented on back in the day? You were the guinea pig. Consider me the new-and-improved version. : '''Rex:''' Okay. Before we go any further, I should probably explain a few things. It started when a bunch of rich guys decided they wanted to live forever, so they got the best scientists in the world to figure out how. The answer was nanites. These microscopic machines would cure disease, end hunger, and pretty much make the world a better place. My parents and older brother were on the team, and so was this guy. Look familiar? Van Kleiss. Then one day there was an accident. To save my life, my parents injected me with nanites. It worked. But there were a few crazy side effects, like the fact I could talk to machines and, later on, build some pretty cool things. That got the rich guys thinking-- How far could we take this? Turns out pretty far. These little machines could control the very fabric of the Universe, but they would need a Master-Control Nanite to program all the others and tell them what to do. Energy, gravity, time/space, elemental, mechanical-- All the things that make the Universe run. Combined together, they would pretty much make you a God. And when my brother and parents found out the Consortium was about to put these nanites inside themselves, they sort of freaked out in a "got to save the Earth" kind of way. Something had to be done to stop it. Turns out that meant blowing the whole thing up, better known as "The Nanite Event". That didn't end well for my parents. While everyone else ran away, my parents were trapped inside. Sill not sure how. There was some good news-- No more Master-Control Nanites. And the bad news? Dangerous unprogrammed nanites got spread across the world, and nanites plus DNA equals EVO. My brother Caesar got caught in a time warp during his escape. Van Kleiss got blown to smithereens and became the world's biggest pain in the nanite. And me? I got amnesia and traveled the globe living the good life... At least, that's how I tell it. The only part I know of wasn't all that much to brag about. I did get some good friends and a few enemies out of the deal. Turns out that losing my memory was a regular thing for me. Last time I woke up and said, "Who Am I?" It was when this guy found me-- Agent Six. He worked for Providence, sort of a global police force created to clean up after the event. It was paid for mostly by the same group of goons that started the whole thing-- The Consortium. It was great for a while. I had my own personal doctor, a chimp sidekick, a cool best friend to hang with. I was a full-fledged hero. The world loved me, and my powers kept getting better and better. Van Kleiss was still a pain, but I managed to take care of him. A few times, actually. Then things started to get not so cool. My brother shows up from out of nowhere. I get thrown six months into the future to find White Knight kicked out of Providence and this lady in charge-- Black Knight. She's been the lapdog of the Consortium from day one, and now her bosses want to pick up where they left off. Most of the old team of scientists have been reunited, and together, they've restarted the nanite program. The Master-Control Nanites were spread across the globe in the first explosion, and we've been racing against Providence to get them back. So far, we've been winning that fight, and that pretty much brings us to right now. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Black Knight grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' The Black Pawns are robots?! : '''Black Knight:''' Total obedience at the flip of a switch. Can you blame me? : '''Black Pawn:''' What's so funny? : '''Six:''' I hold back against people. You're not people. : ''[Bobo Haha grunts]'' : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Black Knight grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Huh? Ugh! : '''Feakins:''' Hey! Hey! Take it easy, would you? Oh! : '''Rex:''' Fitzy?! : '''Feakins:''' Heh? Sorry, guy. They found me. She's hard to say "No" to... and live. : '''Black Knight:''' Well put, Mr. Feakins. And thanks to his unique ability, we can set aside our nanite enhancements and do this the old-fashioned way. : '''Rex:''' Come on. That's not fair. I'm unarmed! : '''Black Knight:''' Precisely. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Stop! Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad idea. : '''Rex:''' Listen to the crazy guy. : '''Black Knight:''' Why are you here, Van Kleiss? : '''Van Kleiss:''' I forgot. Oh, no, wait. I remember. He's got a Master Control Nanite swallowed up inside him. It's been hiding, the naughty thing. : '''Rex:''' On second thought, don't listen to him. He's, uh-- He's crazy, remember? : '''Black Knight:''' You're sure of this? : '''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, yes, yes. Quite sure. Do you have any mints? : '''Black Knight:''' I want Rex at the lab. Restrain and sedate him. : '''Rex:''' How, hold on a minute. : '''Feakins:''' Hey! What about me? : '''Black Knight:''' I'm not taking any chances. He stays with Rex. Kill the others. : '''Rex:''' Ugh! Ahh. : '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Human. : '''Rex:''' What are you telling me? What do you want? : '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete. : '''Rex:''' Okay, I get it. How? : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Rex gasps]'' : '''Caesar:''' Calm down, Rex. You're safe. : '''Rex:''' Safe?! Black Knight and her robo-troopers just came knocking, and Van crazy says I have a Master Control Nanite inside me! : '''Caesar:''' Fascinating, isn't it? All this time, it's been hiding undetected inside you. I wonder if this particular control unit is responsible for his unique nano-evolution. : '''Rex:''' Are any of you even listening to me? : '''Feakins:''' Boy, I am. It's like a movie but real! I just want to go start pressing buttons. Can I get another milkshake? : '''Dr. Meechum:''' How exactly do you plan on getting it out of him? : '''Black Knight:''' I have a suggestion. Tear it out. : '''Rylander:''' It would kill him. : '''Black Knight:''' That's none of my concern. : '''Caesar:''' The nanite is tied to his DNA. Simply pulling it out of him would ruin the nanite. : '''Rex:''' And me, too, remember? : '''Caesar:''' The only way this will work is if we put him in the cyclotron with the other Metas. It should extract automatically during the reassembly. : '''Black Knight:''' And if it doesn't? : '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Good question. : '''Rex:''' Here's another one-- Don't I get a say in this? Like, isn't this the exact thing that our parents died trying to stop? : '''Black Knight:''' Take him to the hub and prepare for the transfer. The Consortium is here and extremely impatient. I want this finished within the hour. : '''Feakins:''' Aah! Hey, what am I-- Sandpaper? Not so rough! ''[sputtering]'' Rough. : '''Rex:''' Glad someone can see the humor in this. : '''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, see that Rex is well taken care of. : '''Dr. Meechum:''' ''[to Caesar]'' I hope you know what you're doing, Salazar. This is a huge risk we're taking. : '''Rylander:''' Listen to Peter. The thing we swore to stop at any cost, the thing that took your parents-- It could happen-- Right here, today! : '''Caesar:''' It can't, and it won't. You'll have to trust me on this. : '''Rylander:''' You can only say that so many times, Caesar. : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We've been waiting almost an hour. Not even refreshments? : '''Black Knight:''' You can have your snack after we become Gods. : '''Roswell:''' "We"? : '''Black Knight:''' That's right-- "We." None of this would be possible without my efforts. : '''Roswell:''' And our money, sister. : '''Black Knight:''' By all means, have your contempt. There's plenty of room buried next to the Russian if you'd like to keep him company. That's what I thought. Now, if you'll follow me-- : '''Bobo:''' "Kill the others." Not gonna happen, lady. We're bulletproof. Ow! Hangnail. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! We know where they took him. Why are we here? We need to go get Rex. : '''Six:''' I agree. We just don't have the resources, Rebecca. We'd need an army. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've been known to make the impossible happen, Six. How hard could that be? : '''Six:''' Six here. Copy that. We just got ourselves an army. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' You see? : '''Van Kleiss:''' That will be all. : '''Feakins:''' But the lady said-- Good luck, Kid. : '''Van Kleiss:''' These restraints were made for you. You're very special, you know. : '''Rex:''' Lucky me. : '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss... leave us. : '''Rex:''' I really hate you. : '''Caesar:'''I know how this looks, Rex. : '''Rex:''' But what? I just have to trust you? Is that what you were going to say? Just help me-- Please. : '''Caesar:''' It may not seem like it, but I am. : '''Rex:''' Caesar... I'm scared. : '''Caesar:''' So am I, little brother. This will all be over in a few minutes. : '''Rex:''' It's already over! When I get out of this, I never want to see you again! : '''Rylander:''' Commencing countdown. : '''Roswell:''' WHOO-HOO! : '''Reddick:''' Payback time! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Caesar:''' This won't be entirely unpleasant. It should feel similar to when you offload surplus nanites. : '''Rex:''' Stop! You can't do this! You can't merge! : '''Dr. Meechum:''' Something's wrong. : '''Rylander:''' Of course something's wrong. The kid is fighting it. : '''Caesar:''' This could be bad. : '''Rylander:''' You have to tell him, Caesar! : '''Caesar:''' Rex, you have to stop. Listen to me. The nanites are supposed to do-- Rex? Can you hear me? : '''Dr. Meechum:''' Actually, he can't. There's a short in the comm relay. : '''Van Kleiss:''' This would be a wonderful day for a picnic. : '''Rex:''' RA-A-A-A-A-A-H! : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Ugh! : '''Black Knight:''' Ugh! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' So much for that plan. : ''[Rex laughs]'' : '''Rex:''' Oh, serves you right. All that and you come out of the oven looking like freaks. Nice job! : '''Black Knight:''' It's not exactly what we were expecting, but it's a start. : '''Reddick:''' This isn't what we agreed to. : '''Roswell:''' Where's the rest of our power? This is all messed up! : '''Dr. Meechum:''' How can this be possible? : '''Rylander:''' The Meta-Nanites were dispersed between the five. This is quite a surprise. : '''Caesar:''' We've got to get Rex out of there. Step aside, Van Kleiss. : '''Van Kleiss:''' They still don't have what they want... and neither do you. : '''Black Knight:''' You're angry. I can see that. If you want to take it out on anyone, it should be Rex. : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I think I can agree to that. : '''Roswell:''' Count me in! This might actually be fun! : '''Rex:''' Let's think about this for a second. Whoa! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' How 'bout that? Exactly one second. Whoa! Aah! : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What a perfect way to learn to use our powers-- Tearing this brat apart. : '''Rex:''' Only one problem with that, sparky. I've been using my powers a whole lot longer-- And I'm pretty good. : '''Roswell:''' You got any ideas here, missy, or we gonna stand around and get it handed to us? : '''Black Knight:''' The Meta-Nanites were designed to work together. So will we. : '''Rex:''' What? Are you gonna join together to make a robo-mutant? : '''Black Knight:''' That's exactly what we're going to do. : '''Rex:''' I need to stop giving them ideas. Huh? : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Black Knight:''' No one the help you-- No family, no friends, nothing. It's a terrible way to go. : '''White Knight:''' Captain Calan, target the base. All weapons, sire. : '''Providence Agent:''' Fire control reports they're being jammed, sir. : '''White Knight:''' Only one salvo. Black Knight must have prepared for this. : ''[Rex groans softly]'' : '''Rex:''' Big giant robot. Black Knight. : '''Six:''' We know. : '''Rex:''' Have to... stay and stop them. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Another time, Rex. : '''Rex:''' I-I-- : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to White Knight. We have Rex. : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We're just gonna watch them go?! : '''Black Knight:''' Let Providence have their weapon back. With our combined power, the world is ours. ===Endgame, Part Two=== :'''Black Knight:''' Science has given us a tremendous gift-- Nanites. We've seen what they can do-- The good and the bad. But they're true potential has been largely unseen. Until now. Our goals are varied. Fame... power... revenge... wealth... order. Yet, one thing unites us-- Greed. You're surprised I admit it? Well, don't be. You'll never get far in life without wanting it all. And for those who might consider standing in our way... We'll let our powers speak for themselves. The world is ours. And no one can stop us. :''[Roswell laughs]'' :'''Roswell:''' This is more fun than my first rodeo. What else you got? :'''Six:''' Any change? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' He's sleeping. The nanites in him are making repairs. That's a good thing. He's a tough kid, Six. :'''Six:''' I know. :'''Dr. Meechum:''' See you next time. Judging by what you fed us for lunch, I'm guessing twenty minutes. Can't even go to the little scientists' room without them breathing down our necks. How long are we going to put up with this? :'''Caesar:''' I know it's not easy working under these circumstances. :'''Dr. Meechum:''' Do you? I don't hear you complaining, or have you even noticed that we're prisoniers? :'''Rylander:''' Gentlemen, please. Can we focus on a more important problem? The Consortium's gain of power is a troubling outcome. Something should be done. :'''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're talking about stopping them, I'm listening. :'''Black Knight:''' I want you all in the boardroom in three minutes. :'''Dr. Meechum:''' The world is being taken over by nanite-fueled ex-c.e.o. Psychos, and they still act like they're running a business. :'''Roswell:''' You nerds gave us a raw deal. I want a do-over. :'''Caesar''': A do-over? :'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What my colleague means to say is that our powers are remarkable to be sure, but we only have one seventh of what we were promised. :'''Rylander:''' You're asking a lot. :'''Dr. Meechum:''' You're asking the impossible. You'd be lucky to survive the extraction. :'''Caesar:''' This is true. You may be powerful, but you're not Rex. :'''Black Knight:''' I share your disappointment, gentlemen. But are you willing to lose everything for this? :'''Roswell:''' Go big or go home. :'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, what do you have to say? :'''Van Kleiss:''' Easy-peasy. I can do it. It's only a matter of correctly calibrating the bio-filters with the homing frequency of the nanites. By the way, have you seen my socks? :'''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss-- :'''Black Knight:''' Has an assignment. The rest of you... Stay out of trouble. :'''Rex:''' You started without me. :'''Six:''' Glad to see you up and around. Something bothering you? :'''Rex:''' Besides black knight taking over the world? I'm trying to find my friends. I know Providence took them. :'''Six:''' We're working on that. :'''Rex:''' And are we doing anything about the Consortium? What about... The robot? The one I can build. Don't play dumb, Six. :'''Six:''' Come with me. :'''Rex:''' That's me? No way! All this time, I could have been making myself into that thing? Ohh! Maybe not. :'''Six:''' Evidence suggest that you've never been able to control it. It's a weapon of last defense. This was filmed on the day that I found you. It was also the day I made a promise that it would be the last time you ever built this machine. :''[Rex scoffs]'' :'''Rex:''' Or what, you'd kill me? You plan on keeping that promise? :'''Six:''' Rex, you have to know something. We believe this is the type of thing that ends in you losing your memory. :'''Rex:''' Well, it happened to you, and you turned out just fine. :'''Six:''' I only lost six years. Six years is all you have. You would lose everything. I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but you need to think about the consequences of some of your options. :'''Noah:''' It feels weird hanging out when the world is under attack. I don't know if I should be fighting back or out in the wilderness setting up a survival compound. :'''Rex:''' If you had the power to stop all this, but it meant losing everything, would you do it, Noah? :'''Noah:''' I don't know. I'm just glad I don't have to make that kind of decision. I guess that's why you're the hero. :''[Rex sighs]'' :'''Rex:''' I wish I could get some kind of sign. Anything. Hmm. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Red and yellow, red and yellow. One false move can kill a fellow. :''[Van Kleiss laughs]'' :'''Dr. Meechum:''' He's got local control. We're locked out. I still don't even know how this is possible. :'''Rylander:''' I've been looking at the data projections. As crazy as Van Kleiss is, his theory is sound. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Sorry to disturb your sleepy sleep. There might be a slight delay. :'''Black Knight:''' Why? :'''Van Kleiss:''' We have a visitor. Should I set out tea? :'''Rex:''' Hey, in there! Come on out! :'''Black Knight:''' Back for more? Happy to accommodate. :'''Rex:''' I should warn you. It's going to get ugly. :'''Black Knight:''' One would think you would have learned the last time. I can feel you resisting me. Stop. :'''Roswell:''' Why is it you get to call all the shots? :'''Black Knight:''' Because I'm the one who has the power to join us. Help me defeat Rex, and you can call all the shots you like. :'''Rex:''' Hyah! :''[Rex babbling]'' :''[Rex gasps]'' :'''Six:''' It's a weapon of last defense. It's happened. :'''Noah:''' That's Rex? :'''White Knight:''' I'm going to assume you're seeing what I'm seeing. :'''Six:''' White-- :'''White Knight:''' Before you say anything, Six-- Whatever agreement we may have had regarding this situation no longer applies. Am I clear? :'''Six:''' Understood. :'''Dr. Holiday''': What was that all about? :'''Six:''' A second chance. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, we have to do something. :'''Six:''' I've seen it before. We're too late. :''[Rex coughing]'' :'''Rex:''' Donde esta mi zapato? :'''Noah:''' Rex! Hold on! :'''Rex:''' What? What happened? :'''Bobo:''' You blew up, kid. :'''Six:''' Do you know who we are? :'''Rex:''' I... I do! Oh-ho! I remember! Ow! Ow! I wish I could forget this pain in my... The Consortium! :'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' This is utter nonsense. I refuse to be led around like a show dog. :'''Reddick:''' You can always go back outside and take it up with Providence. :'''Black Knight:''' Guard the door. Nothing gets by you. :'''Six:''' They're robots. :'''Rex:''' Oh! Right! That part I forgot. :'''Bobo:''' Next time, leave some for the rest of us, huh? :'''Rylander:''' I'll stay here and guard the equipment. :''[Rylander laughs]'' :'''Caesar:''' Little brother, they've had this place completely locked down. I've been trying to reach you. :'''Bobo:''' What he said. :'''Dr. Meechum:''' Yeah, you deserved that. :'''Rex:''' Open it. :'''Dr. Meechum:''' We can't. Still completely locked out of the system. Besides, you can't interrupt once the cycle has started. :'''Rex:''' Well, then, un-start it! :'''Black Knight:''' You cleaned up for the occasion. How thoughtful of you. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, this isn't for you. You didn't actually believe that I'd let the five of you have all this power. :'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I thought you were working for us? :''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]'' :'''Rex:''' You see that? I knew it! He's not crazy! Okay... oh! He's crazy, but just his usual crazy. :'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, I am not amused. :'''Van Kleiss:''' I don't imagine you would be. This was always my intention, even in the very beginning. It's a pity your parents caught me trying to activate the sequence for myself. And, of course, there's the "broken" hatch. The world would be a much better place if they had just left well enough alone. :'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Black Knight, do something. :'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, you have made a huge mistake. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, then, let the fun begin. :''[Black Knight groans]'' :''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]'' :'''Dr. Meechum:''' You can't overload that relay from a subdirectory. You have to get a root. It's impossible from here. :'''Caesar:''' You're a very negative person, Peter Meechum. :''[Dr. Meechum groans]'' :'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'll try from the main terminal in the lab. :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Caesar:''' Rex, wait! That's not necessary. :'''Rex:''' I'm not waiting around, hermano. :'''Caesar:''' No. That's not what I mean. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I can see it. :''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Huh? No. :''[Van Kleiss groans]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's incredible something so small could have so much [[w:Omnipotence|power]]. That thing could rip apart the very fabric of the universe. :'''Rex:''' It's still a nanite. I'm gonna talk to it. :'''Caesar:''' No. It's okay. :''[The fully complete Meta Nanite comes to Rex, as if it were waiting for him, whose eyes and body glow with a pale blue cosmic aura.]'' :'''Caesar:''' Rex, listen to me. The Meta-Nanite-- It could never work in anyone but you. Now in its pure state. Mom and dad, we programmed them that way from the very beginning. All of this... It's meant for you. :'''Six:''' What are you saying? :'''Caesar:''' Right now, Rex is [[Omnipotence|the most powerful being in the universe]]. :'''Bobo:''' You hear that, Kid? Don't let it get to your head. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, can you hear me? :'''Rex:''' Yeah, doc. This is pretty trippy. Not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do now. :'''Black Knight:''' You're a [[God]], Rex. You can do anything you want. :'''Six:''' You know what to do. :'''Rex:''' You're right, Six. So are the rest of you. I can do anything I want. Maybe it's time for a revolution. Isn't that what you five wanted? A revolution? Well, welcome to it. :'''Noah:''' Is he gonna be like this from now on? :'''Rylander:''' Uh... People. He's inside the nanite reactor. :'''Dr. Holiday and Caesar:''' Inside? :'''Rex:''' Okay, little guys. I need you to do something for me. :'''Black Knight:''' Follow me, quickly. :'''Reddick:''' I'm through following you. We trusted you everything, and look what we got. :'''Black Knight:''' We may still be able to retain some of our abilities, but only if you follow me. :'''Dr. Meechum:''' Are you seeing this? :'''Rylander:''' Tehnically, I don't have eyes, but yes. :'''Providence Agent:''' Reports are coming in. EVO's all over the world are spontaneously curing. :'''Six:''' Not spontaneous. :'''Caesar:''' He must have programmed all the nanites in the reactor to initiate a worldwide cure event. :'''Black Knight:''' What is your next directive? :'''Rex:''' I don't want anyone using you again. Ever. And that includes me. Deactivate. :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Rex:''' I think it's over. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I think you're right. :'''Caesar:''' I wanted to tell you, brother. So much was at stake. :'''Rex:''' We're good. And we'll always be brothers. :'''Diane Ferrah:''' Across the world, not an EVO to be found. After more than six years, it appears we've awoken from the nightmare. :'''White Knight:''' The EVOs may be gone, but we still have nanites. :'''Rex:''' Leave it to you to spoil all the fun, White Knight. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' There are some people here to see you, Rex. :'''Rex:''' Tuck? Cricket? Skwydd? :'''Skwydd:''' Eh, I guess I should start going by Walter again. :''[Rex runs to Circe and the two lovers share a close hug, happy to be together at last]'' :'''Rex:''' Uh... Are you...? :'''Circe:''' I'm okay. Normal, but okay. I think you may have put yourself out of a job. :'''Skywdd:''' Yeah. What are you gonna do? Go to school? :'''Rylander:''' It was nice having the team back together. You know, we should find a new project. :'''Dr. Meechum:''' You kidding? I'd rather have root canal with a rake. Worst experience of my life. :'''Caesar:''' Do you want to hear about some of my new ideas or not? :'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'm listening. :'''Rex:''' Finally. :'''Six:''' Need anything? :'''Rex:''' Nope. I'm good. There's always going to be something, isn't there? :'''Six:''' Yes, there is. ==Characters== ===Main=== *Rex Salazar (Daryl Sabara) *Six *White Knight *Bobo Haha ===Supporting=== *Circe (Tara Sands) *Tuck (Dante Bosco) *Skwydd *Cricket *Beverley Holiday *Caesar Salazar *Five *Tres *IV ===Villains=== *Van Kleiss *The Pack *Gatlocke *Hunter Cain *Quarry *Black Knight *The Consortium ===Couples=== *Dr. Rebecca Holiday & Six *Rex & Circe *Noah Nixon & Claire Bowman ==Elements== ===Rex's Machines "Builds"=== *Big Fat Sword *Buzz Saw *Punk Busters *Boogie Pack *Cannon *Smack Hands ===Rex's Other Abilities=== *Technopathy *Data Manipulation *Technological Manipulation *E.V.O. Curing *Breach Detection *Electronic Disruption ===Omega Nanite-Powered Builds=== *Blast Caster *Funchucks *Bad Axes *Block Party *Sky Slider *Water Jet ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} * [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1636691/ Generator Rex] at [[Internet Movie Database]] * [http://generatorrexpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Generator_Rex Generator Rex] at Wikia {{Authority control}} [[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Teen superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Cartoon Network original series]] [[Category:Television series by Cartoon Network Studios]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Teen animated TV shows]] lo3upmlkefa2ej5stwibzgvau4rqqai 3949481 3949464 2026-06-06T08:06:30Z ~2026-17291-92 3303475 /* Rampage */ 3949481 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} This is a list of quotes from the popular, yet cancelled animated television series ''[[w:Generator Rex|Generator Rex]]''. A video game and several chapter books were produced. The series supposedly "[[w: cliffhanger|concluded]]" with its third season, despite leaving many questions unanswered and crucial elements unresolved ''before'' the two-part Season 3 finale, ''Endgame''. ==Season One (2010-2011)== ===The Day That Everything Changed=== :'''Bobo''': Wheels or wings? :'''Rex''': Wheels, I wanna tear something up. <hr width80%> :'''Agent Six''': He just needs more training control of those emotions. :'''Dr. Holiday''': He's a teenager that's like asking you to get a different color suit! ===String Theory=== :'''Biowulf:''' Master, we had a situation at the safe house. Meecham is cured. It was Rex. :(''The camera zooms in on Van Kleiss whose expressive vindictive indeed'') ===Beyond the Sea=== :''Note'': Rex meets his [[w:love interest|love interest]] and sweetheart, Circe. :──────────────────── :'''Rex''': Don't know what you're 24/7 is, but mine is 10% OH YEAH! And 90% uhh. :──────────────────── :'''Rex:''' Outta the way! :'''Circe:''' Uh! :(''Rex and Circe both crash to the ground'') :'''Rex:''' Are you okay? Did you see that awesome save? : '''Circe:''' Sorry, I was busy trying not to get tackled by some nitwit. : '''Rex:''' Yeah? How that work out for you? And who still uses the word "nitwit"? I'm Rex. : '''Circe:''' I'm leaving. : '''Rex:''' Hey, wait! : '''Noah:''' Rex, you're up. : ──────────────────── : '''Six:''' What about the new tracker? : '''Doctor Holdiay:''' His nanites unbuilt it, just like all the other ones we tried sneaking in him. We're still receiving his biometric readings though. It's strange, they're all over the place. It's almost like his emotions are...shorting out. : '''Six:''' He took an unusual interest in Calan's briefing about equatorial upticks. : '''Doctor Holiday:''' And that's important because? : '''Six:''' Rex has been acting stir-crazy and I heard the monkey mention something about spring break. ''[to workers]'' Scan all resort areas for his bio signature. : ──────────────────── : '''Noah:''' Oh, you have got it all messed up. Falling for some girl? We're supposed to get them to dig us. Not the other way around. : '''Rex:''' I don't know. There was something different about her. She's...right there. Later. : ──────────────────── : '''Rex:''' Hey, wait up! : '''Circe:''' Why are you following me?! : '''Rex:''' Uh, I don't know exactly. : '''Circe:''' Do you think I'm playing?! : '''Rex:''' Well, if you are I'm down for another game. I thought maybe we could hang out. It is spring break, you know. Fun. : '''Circe:''' I'm with my family. We're not really for fun. : '''Rex:''' What! Who comes to the beach and doesn't have fun? : (''Circe raises her hand'') : '''Rex:''' Don't you think that's a little messed up? : '''Circe:''' Maybe a little. : '''Rex:''' So? : '''Circe:''' I'm Circe. : ──────────────────── : '''Rex:''' Hold on! : '''Circe:''' Woooo! : '''Rex:''' Definitely better than my suggestion. : '''Circe:''' Hunting for seashells is fun. : (''both laugh'') : '''Beach Guy:''' You two skid-marts up for a race to the beach? : '''Circe:''' Well, if you drive as badly as for play volleyball, we could probably walk there and win. You're on, meathead. : (''guy drives off in anger)'' : '''Rex:''' So you were watching me play. : '''Circe:''' Maybe a little. : '''Rex:''' sure you wanna do this? : '''Circe:''' Thrill me. : '''Beach Guy:''' Hahahaha! Wooo! : '''Circe:''' C'mom Rex, faster! : ──────────────────── : '''Biowulf:''' Explain. : '''Circe:''' Relax. I was covering. Every day when I'm at the end of that jet i when I could hanging out with the other kids, it's starting to look suspicious. : '''Biowulf:''' You're not here for vacation, girl! You're here to prove yourself to Van Kleiss. And I'm starting to doubt you can. : '''Circe:''' I told you. It's a done deal. : (''The shadow of her tubular sonic mouth is seen'') : ──────────────────── : '''Noah:''' So what's on today's spring break agenda? Jet skiing, hiking? : '''Bobo:''' Eating our weight in crab legs? : '''Rex:''' I figured we'd just chill. Let's just see who...uhh I mean what shows up. : ''(siren-like call)'' : '''Rex:''' Did you hear that? : '''Noah:''' Sorry, enchiladas. : '''Rex:''' No, that! You seriously didn't hear that? : ──────────────────── : '''Rex:''' Circe? : '''Circe:''' You really shouldn't be here right now. : '''Rex:''' I heard something coming from over here. : '''Circe:''' I'm serious, Rex. It's not safe. : '''Rex:''' What you think some sort of roguewave is gonna knock off and- Oh. : '''Circe:''' There you are. Get out of here, Rex! : '''Rex:''' Circe!! What are you doing!? : '''Circe:''' Me!? What are you doing!? : '''Rex:''' Right now, my job. Okay! Don't freak out. <hr width80%> : '''Circe:''' You're an E.V.O.? : '''Rex:''' You catch on fast. : '''Circe:''' Takes one to know one. : (''Shows Rex her fleshly sonic mouth'') : '''Rex:''' No way. <hr width80%> : '''Circe:''' Cover your ears! : '''Rex:''' What!? : '''Circe:''' Your ears! Cover them! : (''Projects her tubular, fleshy mouth and emits strong hypersonic bursts'') <hr width80%> : '''Circe:''' Did I hurt you? : '''Rex:''' Yeah. It was awesome. You were the one making that sound. : '''Circe:''' I'm glad you're OK, but I'm in serious trouble. I have to go deal with it. : '''Rex:''' Why are in trouble? Is it because of that E.V.O.? Let me help you. : '''Circe''': No. I have to do this by myself. :(''Rex takes a hold of her hand'') : '''Rex:''' Meet me later. : '''Circe:''' Rex... (''Looks away sadly'') : '''Rex:''' I've never met anyone like you...like me. It'd be nice to talk to an E.V.O. who's not, you know, trying to kill me. Nine O'clock? : '''Circe:''' I'll try. <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' I just wanted to have some fun, see if I could jog my memory, feel...normal. :'''Six:''' Your "normal" is different, Rex. :(''Rex hears Circe's irresistibly hypnotic melody'') :'''Rex:''' It's her, Six. Just let me deal with this, OK? Alone. <hr width80%> : '''Circe:''' You're only here because you heard my [[w:siren |call]]. That's what I do. I'm like a big E.V.O. magnet. : '''Rex:''' I came because I thought we had a connection. And what are you calling? Nothing's out there but big, ugly sea monsters. : '''Circe:''' It's them! You have to go! Rex, please! I don't want them to see you with me! : '''Rex:''' Who? Your parents? : '''Circe:''' They're not my parents. They're... : '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Van Kleiss' guys!? Your with ''them''!? : '''Circe:''' Yeah. I'm with them. <hr width80%> : '''Biowulf:''' We're running out patience with you, Circe! You have one last chance! Summon the E.V.O.! Finish the job!! : '''Circe:''' Don't you think I've been trying? Every day for the last week? Sometimes these things take time. : '''Rex:''' It is just me or do you use your powers to kill all the guys you meet? You're letting her go, now! : '''Biowulf (laughs)''': So ''this'' is who you been wasting your time with. She's on her own free will, Rex. <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' Circe? : '''Circe:''' You have to leave me alone, Rex!! ''Please!'' <hr width80%> : '''Six:''' Go after her. I mean it. <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Are you serious!? : '''Circe:''' To the rest of the world I'm a freak! Not to them! : '''Rex:''' You're not a freak to me! What about that? : '''Circe:''' What about it!? Spring break is fun, but we can't live there, Rex. The real world... : '''Rex:''' In the real world, I work for Providence. You could come with me. Could you cut out that noise for a second!? : '''Circe:''' No, I can't! I'm running out of time! Most people on this planet what E.V.O.s gone, ''including'' Providence! With Van Kleiss, I have a purpose; a home. You don't what that means to me. : '''Rex:''' Actually, I think I might. : '''Circe:''' So what are going to do? : '''Rex:''' How about fight that big, ugly sea monster again? : '''Circe:''' Finally! It's what I came here to do. : '''Rex:''' You've been calling that thing, haven't you? : '''Circe:''' It's my initiation into the Pack. I was brought here to capture it. : '''Rex:''' By yourself!? The two of us could barely take it on! There's a resort here; innocent people! Send it back! : '''Circe:''' That's not an option, Rex. Van Kleiss was very specific. : '''Rex:''' Then I'm helping you. : '''Circe:''' That's not an option either!! : (''Blasts him with her hypersonic waves'') <hr width80%> : '''Circe:''' If I do this myself, I'll have a life! If I don't, Van Kleiss won't be happy. And you've seen what he does when he's not happy. : '''Rex:''' If I don't help you, he won't even get the chance! : '''Circe:''' Give me some credit, Rex! I'm not as helpless as you think! <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' I don't care whose side your on, Circe. I don't want to see you die today. Can we at least agree on that? : '''Circe:''' You have no idea what I'm in for, Rex. But you're right. I can't do this by myself. : '''Rex:''' You're not as helpless as you think. <hr width80%> : '''Circe''' (''relieved'')''':''' Rex, you stopped it. : '''Rex:''' We make a good team, huh? : '''Circe:''' Yeah, we sure do. : (''She and Rex lean in closer for a passionate kiss, but are interrupted by Biowulf'') : '''Biowulf:''' This trial was for you alone. Van Kleiss will not be pleased. : '''Rex:''' Forget them, Circe. Come with me. Providence could use you. : '''Circe:''' That's just not my life, Rex. I'm sorry. I did have fun. <hr width80%> : '''Van Kleiss:''' We had high hopes for your abilities, Circe. Failure leaves its mark on yet another pretty face. : '''Circe:''' I'm not afraid. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Of course not. You're a survivor, like all of us. I understand you made a friend during your trial. I'm pleased. Rex is very important to me, Circe, which makes you very important to me as well. Welcome to the Pack. : (''Circe looks slightly worried, which clearly indicates that she does have real feelings for Rex'') ===Lockdown=== <hr width80%> :'''Holiday:''' Rex, stop!! :'''Rex:''' Give me one good reason! :'''Holiday:''' Because, Rex...that's my sister. :'''Rex:''' Can I...help? :'''Holiday:''' She's an incurable. <hr width80%> :'''Six:''' Restrain it. Carefully. :'''Holiday:''' Thank you. ===The Architect=== :'''Six''': Still no sign of the kid? :'''Holiday''': Not since we lost his biometric readings five days ago. :'''Six''': Was Noah any help? :'''Holiday''': Says he doesn't know where he is either. What is it going to take for Providence to realize that he needs a home, not just a room and a job? We've been pushing him away. :'''Rex''': I build machines and cure EVOs-- the only one in the world who can. Just one cure for that kind of pressure-- road trip. But that doesn't mean "vacation". :'''Build worker''': Whoa! :'''Maxwell''': What in the world is that?! :'''Build worker:''' Oh, no! :''[Both screaming]'' :'''Jacob''': Get away from that cable! Unh! :''[Kate gasps]'' :'''Maxwell''': Hey! :'''Jacob''': Agh! :'''Kate''': Jacob! :'''Rex''': Nope. A hero's work is never done. You okay? :'''Jacob''': What... are you? :'''Rex''': Here to help. :'''Jacob''': We've got to get that cable back underground. We've been compromised. :'''Kate''': But, Jacob, the EVOs-- :'''Jacob''': We don't have a choice. Everything we've worked for That boy is here for a reason. :'''Rex''': Hey! Pay attention! :'''Providence Agent''': We have a hit in sector 15. :'''Six''': Anyone in the area? :'''Providence Agent''': I show one patrol in the vicinity. Signaling to intercept. Roger that. We're on our way. :'''Rex''': Agh! You want a ride? Vamanos! :'''Jacob''': You can control your nanites? :'''Rex''': People usually start with "thanks," but yeah. :'''Jacob''': You see? This is exactly what the Architect can help us achieve... harmony with the nanites. This boy... sorry... young man Is a miracle. :'''Rex''': I'm not a miracle. I'm just Rex. :'''Jacob''': Well, Rex, you're a blessing to us for what you did here and for showing us that all our work isn't in vain. :'''Rex''': Like imaginary work? :'''Jacob''': Follow us. :'''Providence Agent''': Confirming coordinates. We've lost the EVO signal. Did you take it out? Negative. There's nothing here. Must be another anomalous reading. You can return to post. :'''Rex''': This is awesome! A hidden village. And nobody knows you're out here? Not even Providence? :'''Jacob''': Especially not Providence. :'''Rex''': Really? really. Pshh! Looks like you get pretty good cellphone reception. :'''Jacob''': That tower is gonna change the world, Rex. I'm sure you have a lot of questions, but I have one for You. Are you hungry? :'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! :'''Caleb''': My dad said you fought all those EVOs all by yourself. Were you scared? Didn't your dad tell you to stay away from EVOs? :'''Kate''': Caleb, let him eat. We don't get many visitors. :'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! What is this? :'''Caleb''': Didn't your mom ever make you meatloaf and mashed potatoes? :'''Rex''': I don't -- I don't know. :'''Kate''': It took me a month and a half to program in the perfect lump-to-mash ratio of the potatoes-- 7.2%! :'''Jacob''': We ate potatoes until they were coming out of our ears. :'''Rex''': I don't see any potatoes in there. :'''Caleb''': They didn't really come out of our ears. :'''Rex''': I could eat these every day. :'''Rex''': Mmm! :'''Caleb''': We have them every friday. :'''Rex''': Then I might just have to stick around until next friday. :'''Kate''': Help yourself to seconds. :'''Jacob''': Or thirds. :'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! :'''Bobo''': Hmm? :'''Six''': You might think you're doing Rex a favor by covering for him. :'''Bobo''': Get lost. I don't know what you're talkin' about. :'''Six''': Rex is angry with us. He has every right to be. But that means nothing to White Knight. And he doesn't have the patience we do. :'''Bobo''': Nice try. White won't lay a finger on him. He's too important. :'''Six''': You, however, are somewhat expendable. :'''Bobo''': All right, all right. You made your point. :'''Rex''': I've never seen tech like this... not even at Providence. :'''Jacob''': The Architect has some pretty big ideas. We just make them happen. He'd be very interested to meet you, Rex. :'''Rex''': So what exactly are You doing way out here? :'''Jacob''': Engineers like us weren't very popular after the nanite event. When we met the Architect, he offered us the opportunity to make up for that... to do amazing things. Someday, we'll be able to share This with the world. And then there's this. The Architect has actually discovered a way to communicate with the nanites. :'''Rex''': Are you serious? :'''Jacob''': The possibilities... We could finally live in harmony... maybe even have them help us. :'''Rex''': Then why hide it? The rest of the world would want to know about this stuff. :'''Jacob''': The Architect is something of a perfectionist. Says the world will know as soon as it comes online. :'''Maxwell''': Stinkin' module! :'''Jacob''': Is there a problem, Maxwell? :'''Maxwell''': No matter what I try, I just can't get the interlock servo to engage. :'''Rex''': There. :'''Jacob''': That could have taken us weeks to figure out, and you did it in seconds. :'''Rex''': Eh, no biggie. :'''Jacob''': You really are amazing, Rex. We're so happy to have you with us. :'''The Architect''': Jacob. :'''Jacob''': I was just talking to Rex about you. The Architect. :'''Rex''': How's it going? :'''The Architect''': The power-linkage team is falling behind. We cannot keep having these delays. :'''Jacob''': I'll check in with them. :'''Rex''': Wow. Friendly. :'''Jacob''': I like to think he's smiling on the inside. :'''Rex''': Yeah. I know a guy like that. :'''The Architect''': The visitor could be a problem. Do you wish to have him removed? :'''Zag-RS''': His abilities could advance our progress considerably. And in a matter of days all humans will be gone, including this one: Rex. :'''Six''': I'm at the location the monkey gave me. :'''Holiday''': Well? Is Rex there? :'''Six''': Apparently not. Tell the monkey I want to see him when I get back. Six out. :'''Rex''': That should do it. :'''Maxwell''': Hey, Rex, can you look at this? :'''Rex''': Sure. Let me guess... they all need my help, too. :'''Jacob''': You're quite the popular guy. :'''Rex''': Amazing what a little gratitude will get you. At Providence, they'd just be yelling at me. I mean, I never felt like I really belonged there. Here, it's way different. :'''Jacob''': I know the feeling. The Architect has made all this possible for us. We have a community... a family... thanks to him. The work we do is in part to pay that back. :'''The Architect''': Primary systems are now complete. :'''Zag-RS''': Prepare to take us online. :'''Bobo''': Have a nice trip? Let's get one thing straight, pal. I would never rat out my... Ooh. He's going west. :'''White Knight''': Why is Rex doing this? Doesn't he have a sense of duty? :'''Holiday''': Actually, if you look, he's still doing his job. Here's every false alarm since Rex left... not false alarms, But Rex taking care of EVOs along the way. :'''White Knight''': Why? :'''Holiday''': I don't know. To prove he doesn't need us? :'''Six''': Get the coordinates of the last false alarm and transmit them to my jump jet. :'''Holiday''': Six, if we force him to come back, he'll just run away again. He has to want to be here. It needs to be his decision. :'''Jacob''': It's all coming together, Thanks to you, Rex. :'''Rex''': It's really cool to use my powers to actually build something, instead of just pounding EVOs. Oh, check it out. Even the boss is pitching in. :'''Both''': Huh? :'''Rex''': And that's getting strange looks because-- :'''Jacob''': Because in all these years, we've never seen him lift a finger. :'''Rex''': Taking some initiative... I like that. So, this whole "talking to nanites" thing... how does that work, exactly? I mean, what are you gonna say to them? :'''The Architect''': It doesn't concern you. :'''Rex''': Uh, considering I'm filled with them, it kind of does. How do we know it's not gonna make things even worse? :'''The Architect''': I do not answer to you, child! :'''Jacob''': Rex? Forgive him. He's still not used to the way things work around here. :'''The Architect''': Complete your duties! :'''Rex''': Why do you let him walk all over you like that? Don't you want answers? :'''Jacob''': What we want is a home. Without him, we have nothing... Nothing. We can't just run away from our problems, Rex. Most people can't. Look, this isn't perfect but it's all we've got. Rex, where are you going? :'''Rex''': He never answered my question. :'''Jacob''': That place is off-limits. The Architect has made it very clear to us that we can never go in there. We get this life for that promise. Rex, don't do it! :'''Rex''': Agh! :'''Jacob''': Rex, please! :'''Rex''': I'm sorry, jacob. I have to know. :'''The Architect''': Rex. The core is off-limits. You would be we to leave at once. :'''Rex''': Not until I get some answers. What is that? :'''The Architect''': No more questions. :'''Rex''': So, it's gonna be like that? Okay, I'll play. Unh! What are you hiding, huh? What does this do? Yah! Yah! Huh? You're a machine? Have you seen what I can do to machines? Agh! :'''Zag-RS''': As you can see, the current range of my signal is rather limited. :'''Rex''': You're the computer. :'''Zag-RS''': My human designation is "Zag-RS". The device you refer to as "The Architect" is my autonomous counterpart. :'''Rex''': What did you just do to me? :'''Zag-RS''': I instructed your nanites to protect me. :'''Rex''': "Instructed"? So you really can talk to them. :'''Zag-RS''': Insidious devices, the nanites. My own potential for greatness has been compromised because of them. They must be eliminated. When the transmitter is integrated into the broadcast array you helped us complete, they will blow themselves up. :'''Rex''': That's what this is for. It's like a big remote control. Every living thing on the planet has nanites in them. It'd kill everything! :'''Zag-RS''': That is of no importance to me... only ensuring my continued survival. :'''Rex''': Well, what about ours? This is all coming down! :'''Zag-RS''': I'm afraid you're too late. :'''Rex''': Aah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! :'''Jacob''': Rex, what have you done? :'''Rex''': You don't understand! The Architect... it's a robot... And a big honkin' computer "brain" is pulling his strings. :'''Jacob''': This can't be! :'''Rex''': Jacob, you've got to believe me. Just go inside and look. What's left of it is on the floor. :'''Jacob''': I can't go in there. And I don't have to. :'''The Architect''': Rex. :'''Rex''': You're making a big mistake! :'''Maxwell''': You entered his sanctum! This is unforgivable! :'''Rex''': I'm trying to tell you... this isn't what it seems. What you're protecting is a robot, and that thing we've been building is a transmitter. It's gonna send out a kill code to blow up every single nanite on Earth. :'''Maxwell''': He's lying! :'''Jacob''': What would be the point in that, Rex? Every living thing is infected with nanites. It would be catastrophic. :'''Rex''': Right in the middle of that pyramid is a computer, and it doesn't care about you or Kate or Caleb. The better future that you've all been working towards... That's the lie. Think about it. Isn't it strange that you've never been inside that place, that The Architect has never given you a straight answer about anything? :'''Jacob''': All this work it just doesn't make any sense. :'''Rex''': You have two choices... Go in there and prove me wrong or kick me out right now. I'll have Providence here in minutes. :'''Maxwell''': He's bluffing. :'''Rex''': To save every living thing on earth? Try me. :'''Maxwell''': Jacob, you can't! What about our promise? Where will we go? :'''Jacob''': All this time, we've been living in fear, Max. It's time for that to end. :'''The Architect''': You needn't bother. Construction is complete. Your services are no longer required. :'''Rex''': Now do you believe me? :'''The Architect''': Zag-RS thanks you for your hard work. In gratitude, my master has delayed transmission to allow you to say farewell. :'''Jacob''': Farewell, huh? I'll start with you. Can you shut that thing down? :'''Rex''': I don't know. Even without the antenna, it can mess with my nanites. I can't get too close to the computer. :'''Jacob''': Maybe I can. Let's go! :'''Rex''': The brain is right over there. :'''The Architect''': Rex. :'''Jacob''': It's still arging. The A.I. must have retreated behind a firewall. Rex, I have to go cut the power. :'''Holiday''': Six, are you at The location? :'''Six''': Just arrived. :'''Holiday''': I'm picking up a massive power surge in your area. :'''Six''': I'm not seeing anything. :'''Jacob''': Agh! :'''Rex''': Agh! :'''Six''': Six to holiday. Correction... I'm seeing something. :'''Jacob''': It's still on. Must have charged the capacitors. Figure out a way to short it out... fast! :'''Rex''': Unhhh! :'''Jacob''': You need to find the primary transmitter module. That will kill the broadcast. :'''Rex''': I have no idea what that is. :'''Jacob''': Max, we need to locate the primary module. :'''Maxwell''': Panel 5, just off the relay bus. :'''Jacob''': Top of the tower. You can't miss it. :'''Rex''': Agh! Unh! Why do you have to kill everyone? Can't you just leave us alone? :'''Zag-RS''': Alone is exactly what I want, Rex. :'''Rex''': That kind of alone it stinks. :'''Zag-RS''': N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o. :'''Jacob''': It's gone. Must have uploaded to another location. But without anyone to do it's bidding, it's just a program. :'''Rex''': What will you do now? :'''Jacob''': We'll rebuild. The Architect may have been a lie, but what we believe in is true. We don't need him to have a community or a better future. You're welcome to stay. We sure could use someone with your abilities. :'''White Knight''': Well? :'''Six''': He's not here. Bobo's been worried sick. :'''Rex''': rex: Oh, really? :'''Six''': Ratted you out for a pizza. :'''Rex''': Huh. Figures. What about you? Here to drag me back to Providence? :'''Six''': Not this time. Seems like a nice place. :'''Rex''': Yeah. It is. But it's not home. If I'm going back, there are gonna have to be some changes. First, no more curfew. :'''Six''': No. :'''Rex''': Second, I want to decide On my missions. :'''Six''': No. :'''Rex''': Okay, but there's one change that absolutely has to be made, or I'm through. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Mmm! Mmm! Isn't this great? :'''Bobo''': Mmm. :'''Six''': It's a little dry. :'''Rex''': Mmm. Mm the lump mash ratio is a bit off. :'''Bobo''': You know what? Maybe I'll run away, too... Go somewhere where my cooking is appreciated! :'''Six''': We have to do this every friday? :'''Rex''': Mmm. ===Frostbite=== :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I'm picking up a problem. You need to return to base immediately. :'''Rex''': I miss you, too, doc. But I'm kinda busy dealing with a problem of my own. Whoa! Whoa! Aah! Okay. Ow. Big mistake, tweety. Can that bird brain of yours comprende I'm trying to help you? :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, your own nanite count is off the charts. If you take on any more nanites, We're looking at an overload. :'''Rex''': Come on, doc. It's just a big birdie. :'''Dr. Holiday''': You're already over capacity. This is critical! Rex! :'''Six''': Rex, you need to listen to the doctor. :'''Rex''': Huh? :'''Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at headquarters now. :'''Rex''': Do you really want a supersize pigeon flying loose all over lower Manhattan? You need me, and I can handle it. :'''Six''': Not your call. :'''Rex''': Unless I make it my call. :'''Dr. Holiday''': (as everyone is fighting) Stop! Need I point out that this isn't the best place for a fight. Anything happens to that storage tank and you'll know why providence made this place so remote. Now let's just talk this out calmly, rationally. :'''Biowulf''': Whatever happens here, Weaver. It's nothing compared to what Van Kleiss would have done to you. :'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help? :'''Biowulf''': Good luck. (Biowulf and Skalamander run off) :'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking? :'''Agent Six''': Rex. You need to listen to the doctor. :'''Rex''': Huh? :'''Agent Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at Headquarters. Now! :'''Rex''': Do you really want a super-sized pigeon flying loose over lower Manhattan. You need me and I handle it. :'''Agent Six''': Not your call. :'''Rex''': (as he's flying over the Pack in an Arctic storm) Like you're really going to find me when you can't see 2 feet in front of your face... Huh? (Flies into some of Skalamander's shards and crashes) Guess that visibility thing works both ways. :'''Rex''': (To Weaver) So, thanks to you, all this time I've been supplying nanites to Van Kleiss! :'''Rex''': Can't you believe you let these scags get the drop on you. :'''Agent Six''': They tried. It didn't turn out so well. Just haven't found a way to fight xenoflourine gas... yet. :'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help? :'''Biowulf''': Good luck.(Biowulf and Skalamander run off) :'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking? :'''Agent Six''': You can't possibly absorb all those nanites! You'd overload in an instant. :'''Rex''': In case you haven't noticed, I have this problem with authority. :'''Rex''': (as Rex is absorbing nanites) Six wait! I can hear them! :'''Doctor Holiday''': (Watching from the ship) What are you waiting for, Six? Take the shot! :'''Rex''': (Speaking mechanically) Build protocol enabled. Command error detected. Abort. Abort. Stand by engaged. (Rex falls. His voice reverts to normal) Take the shot. :'''Agent Six''': He told me he could hear them. :'''Doctor Holiday''': I picked this up during the offload... It's Nanite. I'm sure of it. :'''Agent Six''': Seems there are more secrets inside that kid than we realized. :'''Skalamander:''' What's the kid doing here? :'''Biowulf:''' I don't know. This was supposed to be routine. Something's not right. <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' What did you do with my friends!? :'''Salamander:''' He thinks we've done something. :'''Biowulf:''' Then let him keep thinking. <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' You know, the nanites in me can counteract knockout gas! The playing-possum thing's a pretty good trick. Now tell me where my friends are or I start squeezing! <hr width80%> :'''Six:''' He told me he could hear them. :'''Holiday:''' I pulled this off during the offload. It's nanite. I'm sure of it. :'''Six:''' Seems like there are more secrets inside that kid than we thought. ===Leader of the Pack=== <hr width80%> : '''Holiday:''' There couldn't possibly be enough E.V.O. activity to account for these nanite readings. They're off the scale. Looking for Van Kleiss? : '''Rex:''' Circe. I thought I saw her in the blimp. : '''Holiday:''' That's the girl you met in Cabo Luna. : '''Rex:''' She may be with the Pack now, but I think I can still get her to talk to me. You know I can be pretty convincing. <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' Dr. Holiday, there! Now let's take this outside! :'''Holiday:''' Rex. : '''Van Kleiss:''' It's quite all right. The determination of youth. I'm sure Circe will be disappointed she couldn't see you, Rex. She's attending to other duties this evening. Now if you will excuse me. : '''Rex:''' Why are you really here!? : '''Van Kleiss:''' The people of Abysus have a great way to offer the world. I'm just in part to make that known. :'''Rex:''' Or maybe 'cause I couldn't come to you, so now you're coming to me! :'''Van Kleiss:''' I admit you are important to me, Rex, but it's not always about you. <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' Circe? Interesting look. Want to tell me what's going on? : '''Circe:''' Not today. :(''Knocks him out cold with a metal slate. She later looks outside Rex's prison cell and leaves, with a slightly guilty, dejected expression'') <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' Well, thanks for nearly bashing my brains in back there! And what's with the "knocking me out" thing? : '''Circe:''' We just needed to keep you out of the way until all of this was over. : '''Rex:''' ''This!?'' He could destroy the whole city! : '''Circe:''' He's trying to negotiate peace from a position of strength. : '''Rex''' (sarcastically)''':''' Oh, yeah! All this nanite power is just screaming peace. : '''Circe:''' His methods may be aggressive. But he's here to save us...and you. Come on, Rex, jump in with us. The water's fine. : '''Rex:''' I'll think about it ''after'' I've stopped Van Kleiss. : '''Circe:''' It's too late for that now, Rex. <hr width80%> : '''Van Kleiss:''' We will not be ignored! ''Circe'' understands this. Why don't you respect her judgement? :'''Rex:''' You think you can lure me in with her. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Like a fish to water. <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' I won! : '''Van Kleiss:''' It seems you have. Your parents would have been so proud. I never had the chance to tell you about them, have I? Perhaps another time. ===Breach=== : '''Rex:''' This is...different. <hr width80%> : '''Dr. Holiday:''' What is Van Kliess up to, Breach! Where did he have you send Rex? : '''Breach:''' Van Kleiss isn't always in charge of me. Sometimes I do what I want; like now. ===Of Love and War=== ===No Strings Attached=== ===Desperate Measures=== ===The E.V.O. Agenda=== ===Dark Passage=== :'''Dr. Rylander:''' Any man who runs from his past will surely forfeit his future. The time has come to see what you created. :''[Bussiness Man choking]'' :'''Dr. Rylander:''' And this is only the beginning. :'''Rex:''' Hey! What's the rush? :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' Whoa! Easy now! :''[Rex screams]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' Did I say you could leave? :'''Six:''' Rex, deactivate his nanites before he-- :'''Rex:''' I'm all over that. :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Rex screams]'' :''[Rex gasping]'' :'''Bussiness Man:''' Please, don't let him hurt me again. :'''Rex:''' Hey, don't look at me. I barely touched the guy. :'''Six:''' Calm down. We're here to help you. :'''Bussiness Man:''' He said it was just the beginning. You have to stop him! :'''Bobo:''' Oh, boy. Somebody's a few tacos short of a fiesta platter. :'''Business Man:''' H-he is a madman. A madman! :'''Rex:''' Come back! :'''White Knight:''' Our most recent EVO incident was not an isolated event. Similar outbreaks have been reported over the past twenty-four hours-- All linked to these mysterious "gifts" sent to each of the victims. :'''Rex:''' Talk about your sucky presents, like socks for Christmas. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' The mechanism delivers a substance that activates latent nanites. :'''Rex:''' Yeah, but that dude changed back before I could shut him down. How'd that happen? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' From what I can tell, the victims were only exposed to a low dose designed to wear off quickly. :'''Six:''' There has to be a motive. Was our victim able to tell you anything? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' No. Complete mental collapse. He's too far gone. But we recovered a partial fingerprint from the device. :'''White Knight:''' It belongs to evolutionary biologist Dr. Gabriel Rylander. He was a leading expert in nanotechnology. :'''Six:''' "Was"? :'''White Knight:''' No one's seen or heard from him since the original nanite event. :'''Rex:''' Hold up. Are you saying this guy was there? :'''White Knight:''' We have no evidence of that. But following the event, Rylander vanished-- Along with his wife and young son. :'''Rex:''' Son? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Analysis of the nanite agent turned up trace elements of a rare plant found only in South America. :'''White Knight:''' Thermal imaging has located what appears to be a fortified compound, and that's exactly where intelligence reports Van Kleiss is heading, which means you will be, too. We expect the target to be heavily defended. Six, your team will handle the initial covert assault to recover the nanite agent and Dr. Rylander. If Van Kleiss really is after the same target, you better hope you get there first. :'''Jungle Cat:''' The path is clear, Van Kleiss. I'll continue ahead. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Our newest member of the pack seems to be working out well, wouldn't you agree? :''[Biowulf scoffs]'' :'''Biowulf:''' You should have stayed in Abysus, master. Even with this suit and soil from home, your powers are weak. :'''Van Kleiss:''' This is no ordinary errand, Biowulf. An old friend has just announced his return. Dr. Rylander's calling card to the Consortium offers an interesting prospect-- A limitless supply of active nanites. All that power-- Anytime-- Anywhere. :''[Bobo groans]'' :'''Bobo:''' Got any idea where they keep the bug spray on this rust bucket? ''[swatting flies]'' Ah, stupid stinkin' nature! :'''Rex:''' You're a monkey. It's the jungle. :'''Bobo:''' Lemme tell ya somethin', chief. The jungle's a cruel mistress. One day, you're at the top of banana pile. Next day, you're a pile of peels rottin' in the sun. She'll chew ya up and spit ya out. Never forget that! Never forget! :'''Rex:''' O-kay, then. Good to know. :'''Six:''' I understand your point, doctor, but the fact remains we've got no idea what Rylander's agenda is. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' His motives don't make his research any less valuable. If I can get my hands on that nanite agent, I might be able to reverse-engineer a permanent cure. Think about what that could mean to the world, for the EVOs Rex can't cure... Like my sister. :'''Six:''' See anything interesting? :'''Bobo:''' ''[in distance]'' Never forget! :'''Rex:''' Don't ask. :'''Six:''' Listen, Rex, this mission-- I need to make sure your head is in the game. :'''Rex:''' What are you talking about? :'''Six:''' Answers about your past and whether or not this Rylander has them. :'''Rex:''' ''[scoffs]'' Whatever. You know, if he does, he does. If he doesn't, no big deal. I can handle it. :'''Six:''' It's just that... Sometimes knowing the truth can be worse than not knowing at all. :'''Rex:''' What's down there? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' No idea. :'''Bobo:''' Whatever it is, it's got company! Show-off. :'''Rex:''' Sushi-boat special coming up! :''[Bobo grunts]'' :'''Six:''' Holiday, get us out of here-- Now. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's a dead end. :'''Six:''' Full throttle. Head for the shoreline. Rex! Jump! :'''Rex:''' Amazon river-- Never a dull moment. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Rylander's welcoming committee, no doubt. Gentlemen, if you will. :''[Skalamander and Biowulf grunts]'' :''[Biowulf grunts]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' It's fortunate there are other ways to sustain me. :'''Six:''' Guardian drone. We must be getting close. :'''Rex:''' Impressive observation, there, Six. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Previous electromagnetic imaging puts the compound in this general region, but something's jamming the frequency now. I can't get an exact location. :'''Rex:''' That way. Oh, yeah. I'm just that good. :'''Bobo:''' When you find me an ice-cold drink in this miserable armpit, I'll eat your ticks. :'''Rex:''' ''[Preparing to cut through some vines]'' I got this. You protect Holiday. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday cuts through the vines]'' Worry about yourselves! Howler monkeys. They're going to give away our location. :'''Rex:''' Bobo! Do something! :'''Bobo:''' Like I speak howler monkey? Oh, boy. :'''Six:''' Run! :'''Rex:''' I'll try and shut it down. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Are you okay? :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' Hey... You know me. A day without getting blown up is like a day without sunshine. :'''Six:''' You've been quiet. :'''Rex:''' All right, I've been thinking about it, okay? This Dr. Rylander may finally be proof I'm not alone in this world. :'''Six:''' And if it's not? I just don't want you to be disappointed. Six to White. :'''White Knight:''' What's your status? Have you found the location? :'''Six:''' Affirmative. But it seems we've been beaten to the punch. :'''White Knight:''' Understood. Captain Calan... You have a go. :'''Biwoulf:''' It should be here. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Your eyes deceive you, Biowulf. :'''Rex:''' Should have been aiming at you. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Ahh. Providence at last. Traveling light, I see. :'''Rex:''' Oh, we're just here to find the place. They're here to secure it. :'''Six:''' Is it here? :'''Van Kleiss:''' Destroy them! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' The compound's surrounded by a force field. :'''White Knight:''' If you can't secure that base, we will take it out. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't lose that formula. :'''Six:''' Rex, get in there. We'll hold off the pack. :'''Rex:''' Please don't blow me up. :'''Biowulf:''' Master, you are in no condition for battle. Seek cover. :'''Rex:''' Punks. :'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[From behind Rex with a gun]'' Don't move, or I'll drop you. Rex? Is-- Is that you? :''[Dr. Rylander hugs Rex]'' :'''Rex:''' You... Know my name. :'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[Laughing]'' Of course I do! I gave it to you! I can't believe you're alive. What a stroke of luck. :'''Rex:''' Dad? :'''Dr. Rylander:''' You've lost your memory, haven't you? Not surprising, considering what you've been through. Oh. Yes. Well, sorry to disappoint you, Rex. I'm afraid I'm not who you want me to be. :'''Rex:''' Oh. Okay. So, if you're not my dad, do you know where he is? Ah, well, "Rex Rylander" is a goofy name, anyway. :'''Dr. Rylander:''' Come quickly. We don't have much time. I was so close to completing the code. There's been a problem with the molecular penetration, resulting in a sequencing gap. :'''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander, I've got to know. :'''Dr. Rylander:''' You must understand-- It was never about power or greed. It was about changing the world-- Saving mankind by putting and end to disease and starvation. And we would have succeeded... Until they got involved. :'''Rex:''' What are you talking about? :'''Dr. Rylander:''' The nanites were incomplete. The incident spread them across the globe before we could finish their final programming. Except for you. Yours were from a different batch-- The first, actually. All those... Innocent victims. :'''Rex:''' If you feel so bad about it, why have you been attacking more people? :'''Dr. Rylander:''' Hm. The chosen few. Those men and women, Rex, are far from innocent. While they hide in their office towers and gated estates, I've been here trying to set things right, to find a cure for what we created. I begged them for more funding. :'''Rex:''' Wait! Everyone you attacked was... They all worked on the Nanite Project? :'''Dr. Rylander:''' They commissioned it. I merely wished to send them a warning to show them what would happen if they refused to help finish the good work we started. And it was good, Rex. You're living proof that we were doing the right thing. :'''Rex:''' ''[Indignant]'' By turning me into an EVO?! :'''Dr. Rylander:''' You had an accident. The nanites were your only hope. It was a tremendous gamble. The... Unexpected side effects came later. It was a surprise to all of us. :''[Dr. Rylander chuckles]'' :''Dr. Rylander:''' The look on your brother's face. :'''Rex:''' Brother? :'''Dr. Rylander:''' When the event occurred, it was yo powers that saved you both. Most of the others-- They weren't so lucky. :'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' I'm not alone. :'''Dr. Rylander:''' Oh, here. I have something for you. :''[Injects the mighty and all-powerful Omega Nanite into his system]'' :'''Rex:''' Ow! :'''Bobo:''' Whoa! :'''Dr. Rylander:''' The force-field must be failing. :'''Rex:''' Forget the force-field! What did you just inject me with? :'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[[w:Omnipotence |Everything]]''. :'''Rex:''' Enough, okay?! Do you have any idea what it's been like-- Not knowing who I am, if my family's dead or alive?! Quit with the rambling mad-scientist act and give me some answers! :'''Dr. Rylander:''' Forgive me, Rex. I've been so consumed with my own guilt, I didn't consider what you must be going through. The truth is-- :''[Dr. Rylander gasps]'' :''[Van Kleiss stabs Rylander from behind]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Truth, doctor? You wouldn't know the first thing about it. Nor loyalty, for that matter. How many times must I tell you this, Rex? The answers you so desperately seek lie with me. And as for you, doctor, consider our past disagreement settled. I look forward to continuing our research... Alone. This was unavoidable, Rex. The longer you resist me, the more people get hurt. :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Van Kleiss grunting]'' :''[Rex screams]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Van Kleiss grunts]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Rylander has always been on borrowed time. All of this belongs to me now. Destroy me, and you lose everything. :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Rex groaning]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Six:''' Rex. Where's Rylander? :'''Rex:''' Van Kleiss. :''[Bobo grunts]'' :'''Six:''' The reactor is shot. This entire place is about to blow. :'''Bobo:''' Don't have to tell me twice. :'''Biowulf:''' Why do they run? :'''Skalamander:''' Where is Van Kleiss? :'''Six:''' No, I didn't see what happened. But according to Rex, Van Kleiss has been eliminated. Rylander's experiment is a total loss. :'''Holiday:''' All of this for nothing. I'm sorry, Rex. :'''Rex:''' It wasn't for nothing, doc. I've got a brother.... Out there... Somewhere. I'm not alone anymore. Finally, I've started to get some real answers. I feel closer to the truth than ever. ===The Forgotten=== :'''Six:''' Rex! :'''Rex:''' It's like I'm hearing through my nanites. <hr width80%> :'''No-Face:''' You are not the Before. :'''Rex:''' I'm not sure that was a complete sentence back then. :'''No-Face:''' ''They'' are the Before! The Before forgot us. The Before left us in pain. <hr width80%> ===Operation: Wingman=== :'''Annie:''' "Do you have a girlfriend?" :'''Rex:''' "It's complicated. She's in league with an evil dictator who wants me dead." :'''Annie:''' "Yeah. My dad's always worried about me dating, too." <hr width80%> ===Rabble=== :'''Quarry''': Come on, Rex. (''holds up Rex's journal'') We both know this is what you really want. So go ahead take it. Walk away. Show them who you really are. You were always very good a taking care of yourself. Why should now be any different? :'''Rex''': (''Cuts his journal in two'') Whoever I was back then, is not who I am now. Not anymore. :'''Quarry''': Your choice. <hr width80%> :'''Rex''': It's over, Quarry! You lose! <hr width80%> : '''Sqywwd:''' I hope you don't expect us to thank you. : '''Rex:''' No. Providence won't bother you unless you do something stupid. : '''Cricket:''' We'll be fine. Thank you, Rex. :(''Kisses him on the check'') : '''Tuck:''' Don't forget about us, Okay? : '''Rex:''' That may be a promise I can't keep. (''Flies off on his Boogie Pack'') <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' It's going to happen again, isn't it? I'm going to blank out. How long do I have? : '''Holiday:''' I don't know, Rex. It's likely triggered by a specific event; something traumatic. ===The Hunter=== ===Gravity=== ===What Lies Beneath=== : '''Circe:''' Rex, it's me. : '''Rex:''' Circe? What do ''you'' want!? : '''Circe:''' Things in Abysus- they're bad, Rex. I need your help. : '''Rex:''' Oh, well, how do I put this nicely? Not a chance! You made your choice, Circe! I made mine. End of story. : '''Circe:''' Please, Rex. I know you're mad at me, but this is a matter of life and death. : '''Rex:''' A lot of things are right now. Nice talking to you. : '''Circe:''' Rex!? : (''Looks crestfallen'') <hr width80%> :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I didn't know you were still in touch with Circe. :'''Rex:''' Yeah, me neither. Can we please stop talking about this? <hr width80%> : '''Holiday:''' She's very pretty. : '''Rex:''' She works for Van Kleiss. She's the enemy. : '''Holiday:''' But you still like her, don't you? : '''Rex:''' I am ''not'' talking about this! <hr width80%> : '''Circe:''' Rex, thank you. : '''Rex:''' I'm not doing this for you. But...your welcome. (''Circe similes hopefully'') So what exactly am I supposed to do? :'''Holiday:''' When I said you were the key, I meant that literally. According to the plans, the machine needs to be turned on by a molecular level. <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' You ''lied'' to me!! : '''Circe:''' You wouldn't have come if I told you the truth. : '''Rex:''' This wasn't about you needing ''me''!! This is about you needing Van Kleiss!! : '''Circe:''' I need you both. Please, Rex, you don't understand. : '''Rex:''' No!! ''You'' don't understand!! Van Kleiss is gone and I intend to keep it that way!! : '''Biowulf:''' You destroyed us all!! : '''Six:''' Don't even breathe. <hr width80%> : '''Circe:''' You don't know what you've done. : '''Rex:''' Then, I guess we're even. : '''Circe:''' You've never understood his power. Van Kleiss kept us safe here. His force was the only thing keeping Abysus together, and you destroyed that. : '''Rex:''' We're done here!! : '''Holiday:''' Rex, I think she's right. Nanites operate on a molecular level. If they bonded with Van Kleiss, breaking off his connection must have caused a splinter; resulting in a disastrous chain reaction. : '''Rex:''' I'm ''not'' bringing him back! ''Not now, not ever!!'' Besides, you don't need Van Kleiss! You have me!! Why not go straight to the source?! :'''Holiday:''' Rex, no! :'''Six:''' Stand down! It's too dangerous! <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' Let go of me!! : '''Holiday:''' If you keep fighting these unstable nanites, they're going to destroy you! : '''Rex:''' And if I don't they'll destroy everybody else. : '''Holiday:''' Not if you listen to me! I have an idea. It's a long shot. Instead of fighting the nanites, ''communicate'' with them. : '''Six:''' You want to talk to the nanites? : '''Holiday:''' He's done it before. : '''Rex:''' Never anything this big. <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' I got you! Don't let go!! (''Rex struggles to save Circe from falling as she clings to him; tears fill her eyes''). ''Circe!!'' (''as she falls into the black goop of highly unstable nanites'') <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' ''Circe!'' Six! Dr. Holiday! Okay, you win. (''technopathically starts the machine''). Something's...not right. <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' Circe! Come on, breathe! : '''Circe''' (''coughs weakly'')''':''' Hey. : '''Rex:''' Hey. <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' Stay with us, Circe. Van Kleiss is done. : '''Circe:''' As much as I care about you, Rex, Van Kleiss and the Pack are my family. They took me in when no one else would. I can't abandon them. : '''Rex:''' So that's it. We're always going to be on opposite sides. : '''Circe:''' It does keep it interesting. ===The Swarm=== :'''Rex''' (thinking'')''':''' ''Gotta stay under. Not sure I can...make it. :(''Has visions of those most dear to him: Noah, his crush Circe, Holiday, Six, Bobo) ===Basic=== ===The Plague=== ===Promises, Promises=== :''Note:'' This episode depicts how young Rex had joined Providence via Six's [[w:flashback episode|memories]]. <hr width80%> :''[Six narrates over imagery of the Nanite Event.]'' :'''Six:''' The names and faces may change, but no matter how you slice it, war is war. You pick a side and you don’t look back. I believe that now and I believed it then. What gets you in trouble is when you start second guessing. Forget what you’re fighting for and you’re finished. :'''Diane Farrah:''' ''[Panicked screaming is heard in the background of an EVO attack]'' There’s another entity has emerged, this time in the heart of Paris. Authorities are vastly unprepared. Unless a decisive response to this pandemic is marshalled, the city will fall just as Kiev— ''[Diane Farrah gets snatched by the EVO’s web]'' :''[A Providence assault vehicle rams through police cars, from which Six appears and deals with the EVO.]'' :'''White Knight:''' Save some for me partner! How else am I gonna earn my paycheck? :''[Knight fires off a weapon and the scene cuts to present day at Providence Headquarters.]'' :'''Providence Agents:''' Surprise! :'''Rex:''' So, the flu shots? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I needed an excuse to get you here. We’ll do them after cake. I’ll get you Van Kleiss! ''[Holiday swings at a pinata blindfolded before Rex crushes it with his smack hands]'' :'''Rex:''' Sorry, Doc, it was taking too long. And it was either that or throw some of your cake at it. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday walks over to Six at a corner, passing him a drink]'' You’re looking festive. :'''Six:''' It was an odd choice to pick today to be his birthday. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' It is the anniversary of his new life here. He deserves a celebration, he changed everything. :'''Six:''' Has he? :'''Rex:''' ''[Rex jumps onto a counter, speaking to the agents surrounding him]'' Ha-hah! How about hitting The Petting Zoo for a little pin-the-tail on the raging “Rhinocesaurus”? :'''Dr. Holiday and Six:''' No. :'''Rex:''' Every party has a pooper. And I got two. :'''Providence Agents:''' ''[Providence Agents turn off the lights and bring Rex a birthday cake]'' Happy Birthday! :'''Rex:''' Dudes! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' You should be celebrating too, Six! After all, you’re the one who started this. In a way, it’s your birthday too. :''[Flashback to Six and Knight walking through the Petting Zoo during construction of Providence HQ.]'' :'''White Knight:''' Nyquist. Fortier. How’s the monkey business? :'''Nyquist:''' Ha ha-larious, Knight. :'''Fortier:''' Hey, for your information we probably saved the world today. :'''White Knight:''' I, for one, feel safer already. ''[Knight states, looking at Bobo while Six walks towards his cage]'' :'''Bobo:''' So, green man. We meet again! :'''Calan:''' They found him at the Kremlin this time. He was threatening to push the button unless someone brought him a thousand pounds of caviar. :'''Bobo:''' Chimp’s gotta eat. :'''Fortier:''' What about your little bug hunt? Give you much trouble? :'''White Knight:''' Nothing we couldn’t handle. :''[The EVO is transported in a cage overhead while Knight and Six walk through a hallway.]'' :'''White Knight:''' What? Not even a smile? Oh by the way, happy birthday. ''[Knight passes Six a gift]'' :'''Six:''' How did you know? :'''White Knight:''' I’m your partner. Can’t keep much from me. :'''Six:''' Thanks. :'''White Knight:''' So what crawled up your coat? :'''Six:''' I’m getting tired of all this fighting. Did you see how many there are now? Are we gonna cage the whole world? :'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight turns around, placing a hand on Six's shoulder]'' We’re preserving the human race. ''[The door to the processing facility opens]'' Besides, who says we’re gonna cage them all? :'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Looking at the EVO]'' And to think, this was once spinning webs in someone’s garden. Doctor Holiday, prepare for disassembly. ''[Doctor Holiday nods and activates the procedure as per his instructions. Doctor Fell sports a wicked smile during the experiment before it disintegrates the EVO without a trace]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' It’s the same exact data as last time, and the time before that; Doctor Fell, why aren’t we studying them in a natural setting? :'''Dr. Fell:''' Only through molecular dissection will we find a way to expunge this threat. The committee agrees with me on this. If you do not approve, I can always find another assistant. :'''White Knight:''' ''[Doctor Holiday leaves the facility in frustration with Doctor Fell]'' Bleeding hearts. They’ll get us all killed one day. :''[Holiday walks down a hallway and drops several notes, one of which Six picks up.]'' :'''Six:''' EVO? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Exponentially Variegated Organism; a little more scientific than spoiled meat. That is what you hired guns call them isn’t it? :'''Six:''' It's Six, and I don't use guns. You told Fell we could learn more by bringing them in alive. What did you mean? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites are altering our DNA, but with the right type of research, there's no doubt they could be programmed to stop or reverse the process. Imagine a third option to this, kill-or-Contain protocol. :'''Six:''' A third option? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' A cure. :'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight and several other Providence agents run past Holiday after an alarm activates]'' Buckle up partner! Looks like we got ourselves a big one. :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hopeless. :''[Providence mercenaries arrive at Mexico to confront the giant mechanical EVO.]'' :'''White Knight:''' What are we looking at? :'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Fascinating. It appears to be bio-mechanical. I must have a closer look at this one. :'''White Knight:''' One for the trophy case. :'''Six:''' Wait. We may get more out of this one if we bring it in alive! <hr width80%> :'''Dr. Fell:''' You're letting your emotions cloud your judgement, Six. With what we gleam from this boy, I could create tools that could inoculate the world. :'''Six:''' Why risk it? He can already cure them! I've seen it! :'''White Knight:''' So, what, we train him? Make him one of us? <hr width80%> :'''Knight:''' We're supposed to be friends! He's a monster! What do you see in him!? :'''Six:''' Hope. <hr width80%> :'''White Knight:''' Thanks for talking some sense into him, Doc. ''[Knight picks up Six’s katana and walks toward Rex]'' :'''Rex:''' What...what’s happening to me? ''[Rex pleas to Knight, who simply looks down at him before warning sirens go off and the facility begins to lockdown]'' :'''Dr. Fell:''' We’re all going to burn. ''[Fell escapes while Rex is craned away by Holiday on an upper level]'' :'''White Knight:''' No! ''[Knight looks back at Six who is slowly picking himself up while the remaining exits close off. In a last ditch effort, Knight carries Six and throws him through the final set of doors before they seal shut]'' :'''Six:''' ''[Six picks himself and slams his fist against the glass]'' Why? :'''White Knight:''' I know what side I’m on. ''[Knight proudly states before getting consumed by a blinding white light and screaming in agony]'' :'''Six:''' ''[Grabbing a hold of Dr. Fell's collar Six shouts]'' Do something! :'''Dr. Fell:''' Once the cycle starts it's impossible to shut down. :'''Rex:''' ''[Contrary to Dr. Fell's statement, the light fades away and the electricity is subdued after Rex interfaces with a control panel]'' Impossible? Psh, right. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you—-? :'''Rex:''' Told it to turn off. And it did! Wait, where...where am I? :'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Doctor Holiday. Maybe you were right. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Maybe you should start looking for another job. :'''Bobo:''' ''[Within the processing chamber, Knight takes a few steps forward before collapsing]'' Hey marshmallow! Nice look! ''[Knight looks back up at Bobo with his signature bleached appearance]'' :''[Some time later, in his office White Knight speaks to Six through a monitor.]'' :'''White Knight:''' How’s the training? :'''Six:''' Slow. :'''White Knight:''' Not all you hoped he’d be? ''[Rex and Bobo topple each other in a play fight while Knight continues to monologue in his office]'' Still, who would’ve thought the kinder, gentler approach would do such wonders for our profile. The notion of a cure has gotten Providence funding, and worldwide prestige. The committee's happy. Your new partner may just be the best thing this operation could have asked for. Funny, isn’t it? Because of you I can never leave this chamber. I’m now the only pure human left in the world. And the perfect poster boy to run this operation. I suppose I should thank you. :'''Six:''' I promised him that we would help uncover his past; find his family. :'''White Knight:''' Whatever keeps him on his leash. But if he shows the slightest sign of turning into thing again, it's all on you. :''[Back at the party in the present, Noah is pinned down by Bobo with a bag on his head to Rex’s amusement.]'' :'''Rex:''' Hoo-hoo-hoo! Oh my—hold him down, I’ll get the camera! ''[Rex runs to his room, and after a quick search he instead finds a long box on a corner shelf]'' :'''Six:''' Happy birthday. ''[Six walks into his room, officially greeting Rex]'' :'''Rex:''' From you? For me? You gotta be kidding. :'''Six:''' You, your work. It has made a real difference. I just—- :'''Rex:''' Yeah, I know I’m pretty great! But seriously get off the sap train, Six. It’s creeping me out. ''[Rex opens the gift to reveal the blade inside]'' Wow, Six! Thank you! :'''Six:''' It’s called a tanto. It’s the ceremonial blade of a samurai warrior. :'''Rex:''' Samurai? Awesome. :'''Six:''' ''[Six unsheathes his own tanto and holds it against Rex’s]'' This is its twin. :'''Rex:''' ''[Rex removes the cap from his tanto and squints at the symbol etched into the blade]'' Is that...writing? :'''Six:''' Bushido symbol of loyalty. It means whether for good or ill, our fates will follow the same path. This one stays with me. :'''Rex:''' Think this thing can cut through Holiday’s chocolate cake? :'''Six:''' ''[Six raises an eyebrow]'' Anything’s possible. :''[Rex puts the cap back on to the blade and camera cuts to outside of Providence headquarters, panning outward until screen fades to black.]'' ===Badlands=== :'''Gatlocke:''' Do you like rules? :'''Rex:''' Can't say I do. <hr width80%> :'''Gatlocke:''' Feel that? It's quilted. This is the good kind. But I won't be able to really enjoy in ''until I have those nanites!'' <hr width80%> ===Out of the Dark=== :''Note'': Rex's love interest and sweetheart Circe appears in a vision. ===Payback=== :''[In the realm of Abysus]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Humiliated... De-powered... All but destroyed. Hardly the new world I set out to build, is it? :'''Biowulf:''' Master, a spy has made contact. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Well? :'''Providence Spy:''' Everything is in place. :'''Van Kleiss:''' And the boy? :'''Providence Spy:''' He's here. :'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[to his loyal followers]'' Soon our greatest enemy will be buried! Providence itself will be destroyed. And we'll have Rex to thank. :'''Rex:''' Come on! Who's gonna know? :'''Noah:''' Yeah. It would only be for a minute or two. :'''Calan:''' You actually want me to let you fly the keep? :''[Calan sighs]'' :'''Calan:''' Only until the next course change. And nothing fancy. :'''Rex:''' All right, let's see what this baby can really do! Why, it wasn't me! Seriously! :'''Both:''' Whoa! :'''Providence Spies:''' Aah! :'''White Knight:''' Calan, what's your status? :'''Calan:''' Came from out of nowhere. We're being boarded. Scramble all jump jets. Mobilize for a counter-offensive. :'''White Knight:''' This is a coordinated attack. Every major Providence outpost around the globe has been hit. :'''Six:''' So far they've steered clear of headquarters. I'm on route to the keep now. :'''Rex:''' Are they really that stupid? Attacking the keep with me on board? This should only take a minute. :'''Noah:''' Wait up! :'''Van Kleiss:''' Find Rex. It goes without saying "alive" would be ideal. Take the ship. :'''Providence Spy:''' Some kind of power surge. We're losing control of the helm! :'''Calan:''' Find out where it's coming from. Doc, if you'll excuse me-- :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six? :'''Six:''' Five minutes out. Prepare for an evac. I'm getting you off the ship. :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Noah:''' Again with the Smack Hands? You always open with that move. Change it up a little! :'''Both:''' Whoa! :'''Bobo:''' You see what you get? That's what happens when you interrupt my nap-- Bobo gets cranky! :'''Rex:''' I learned that the hard way, too. :'''Calan:''' All hands-- We've got intruders on deck four, five, and six. Get'em off our ship! :'''Rex:''' Go! :'''Van Kleiss:''' Attention, Providence. The ship is ours. :'''Rex:''' Ugh! Not even close, Van Kleiss! :'''Van Kleiss:''' Lay down your weapons, and your lives will be spared. Continue to resist and nothing survives. :'''Rex:''' You've made I made some lame-o moves before, Van Kleiss, but this one-- classic. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Seems you may have run out of tricks. Oh, you had to know it would only be a matter of time. I've had a fair amount of time on my hands these days. ''[Restrains Rex with his gauntlet]'' :'''Rex:''' Aaaaah! :'''Van Kleiss:''' You took something very precious from me, Rex, and now I'll be returning the favor. :'''Rex:''' If you want my monkey, you can forget it. :''[Van Kleiss starts draining nanites from Rex, causing him to squirm and scream in pain.]'' :''[Rex grunting]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' It might come as a surprise that when you stole the nanites that gave my power, you left some of your behind-- Enough to tell me a few of what makes you tick. :''[Rex tries to summon a build, but nothing happens.]'' :'''Rex:''' Ungh! :''[Rex grunting]'' :''[Rex gasps]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' You'll find that using your powers will be something of a challenge. The nanites that you so special belong to me now. :'''Biowulf:''' What shall I do with him, master? :'''Van Kleiss:''' I have everything I need from him. I could care less. Secure the rest of the ship. :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' Come on! Do you really think throwing me out that hatch is the best way to get rid of me? Wouldn't it be more fun to throw me in a cage, tie me down in front of a laser? :'''Biowulf:''' No! :'''Rex:''' Aaaaaaaah! Wh-o-o-o-o-oa! :'''Noah:''' What is he doing? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' This is no time to fool around, Rex. :'''Rex:''' Happened to notice that ground coming up on his, doc? If you don't do something fast, I'm about to become part of it! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Ugh! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, are you okay? :'''Rex:''' I think we may have a problem. :'''White Knight:''' What do you mean "they have the keep"?! Blow it up! :'''Six:''' We tried. The remote-destruct sequence has been disabled. Van Kleiss has complete control of it. :'''White Knight:''' Give me some good news. :'''Six:''' We know where it's heading. Here. :'''Biowulf:''' This is the commanding officer. We found him attempting to destroy this ship. :'''Calan:''' What's your game, Van Kleiss? :'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, a very good question-- One that depends entirely on what happens next, Captain. It seems my powers have made a slight... change. :'''Rex:''' Well? They're gone, aren't they? Van Kleiss took all my active nanites. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. I found this. Definitely a nanite, but it's unlike anything I've ever seen. Molecular scans seems to indicate it's some kind of control-nanite. :'''Rex:''' But with nothing to control. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' With a large enough concentration of nanites, we might be able to jump-start it. But even with that, there's no guarantee it would replicate or even give you back the same abilities. :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I hate to say it, but this one has me stumped. :'''Rex:''' Great. Loving this. :'''White Knight:''' If you're finished with the lost cause, we've got a bigger problem. :'''Biowulf:''' Master, how is this possible? :'''Van Kleiss:''' It would seem Rex's nanites have an opposite effect on me. He cured EVOs. Now I create them. Full ahead-- Ramming speed! Once we're through, we'll destroy Providence from the inside out. :'''White Knight:''' Lock it down! I want hallways cleared and critical sections defended. They will not take this base. :'''Rex:''' Well? What are we waiting for? Let's go stop them! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, you're in no condition to fight. :'''Rex:''' Well, what do you expect me to do-- Hide? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Whatever it takes. That nanite inside you might be able to bring you back, but it's going to take me time to figure out how. And that's not something we have a lot of right now. :'''Rex:''' Wow. Nice outfit. :'''Noah:''' Got one for you, too. You get to armor up like the rest of us normals. :'''Rex:''' Come on. :'''Bobo:''' All right, where to? :'''Rex:''' South Pacific. :'''Bobo:''' That's my boy. And here I thought you'd try to pull some hero stunt. Oh, brother. :'''Van Kleiss:''' I want the White Knight. Find where he's hiding and bring him to me. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' That should be everything, as long as the offsite backup holds. :'''Six:''' Don't let it get to that. :'''Noah:''' This is a strange place for a base. :'''Rex:''' When I have too many nanites in me, this is where I go to offload. :'''Bobo:''' Think of it as a nanite porta-potty. :'''Noah:''' Thanks... For that image, Bobo. So, we just put some of these nanites in you, and we're good to go? :'''Rex:''' No. They're inactive. Or at least stripped of their programming. Since I can't control them, I just have to hope that whatever this thing is inside me can't. :'''Noah:''' So... What happens if it can't? :'''Bobo:''' Let me put it this way-- The last guy who went swimmin' in that soup ended up a 50-foot freak show. :'''White Knight:''' Listen to me carrefully, Van Kleiss. :'''Van Kleiss:''' I'd rather not. :'''White Knight:''' Where are they? :'''Six:''' The inner perimeter has been compromised. They're coming. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! Ungh! :''[Skalamander roars]'' :''[Skalamander roars]'' :'''Biowulf:''' Open it. :'''Rex:''' Okay. Bobo, set the thing to "vent" and go. If this doesn't work, I don't want you getting caught in the blast. :'''Bobo:''' No. :'''Noah:''' Forget it. Rex, at least think about his for a sec. What if it wipes your memory? What it turns you into some evil monster? :'''Rex:''' My friends need me. There's nothing more to think about. Bobo, do it. :'''Bobo:''' Long odds, pay big. :''[Bobo groans]'' :'''Six:''' You've overstayed your welcome. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, here's someone who would make a nice addition to our EVO ranks. :'''Six:''' Go ahead and try. Ugh! :''[Six groans]'' :'''Rex:''' Trying to do my job for me, Six? Here's a thought-- When your top henchman can't even get rid of someone by throwing him out of a moving plane, time to rethink the help. :'''Van Kleiss:''' You are determined-- I'll give you that. If it's what you prefer, I'll finish you myself. :'''Rex:''' Maybe. :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! :'''Rex:''' Whoa! Cool! :'''Bobo:''' See? I told you it would work. :'''Six:''' This is an unexpected surprise. :'''Rex:''' Well, by now, you should expect the unexpected from me, Six. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh! :''[Skalamander roars]'' :''[Dr. Holiday grunts]'' :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Noah:''' Is that what I think it is? :'''Bobo:''' Not anymore. :'''Noah:''' You think there might be more of them? :'''Bobo:''' Eh... Probably. :''[Biowulf grunts]'' :''[Biowulf growls]'' :'''Biowulf:''' Aaaaaaah! :'''White Knight:''' I use that electromagnet to trap stray nanites. You're lucky it's on the lowest setting. Any higher, and it would rip the nanites right out of your body. :''[Biowulf grunts]'' :'''Biowulf:''' Then why don't you? :'''White Knight:''' Because then I wouldn't be able to do this. :'''Skalamander:''' No one can help you. You're all alone now. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. We still have my sister. :''[Skalamander grunting]'' :''[Rex and Van Kleiss grunts]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Aaaaah! :'''Rex:''' No way! :'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh! :'''Rex:''' Once again, epic fail. I'll take my nanites back now. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! :'''Noah:''' Rex, wait! :'''Bobo:''' Van Kleiss left behind a few presents. :'''Rex:''' No time to look everywhere. I'm shutting everything down. :'''Noah:''' You can do that? :'''Rex:''' Don't know. Never tried. Anything else? No? :'''Calan:''' Whew! I never want to do that again. No, sir. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Amazing. :'''Rex:''' Why, thank you. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I was talking about the nanites. That was a risky move, Rex, but it worked. As far as I can tell, you're back to your old self. :'''Rex:''' I don't know. Something feels different. That new build-- I think I can do even more. It's like I can see the blueprints. I just need to figure out how to put it all together. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight in person. Never thought I'd see the day. :'''White Knight:''' Well, don't get used to it. We found all the explosives. The base and the keep will need extensive repairs. This was not our finest hour. :'''Rex:''' What are you talking about? We kicked butt! So what if Van Kleiss is back and more powerful than ever? So am I! If he wants a nanite war, let him bring it! :''[White Knight laughs]'' :'''White Knight:''' It's good to have your back, Rex. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' You know, I think he actually means it. :'''Rex:''' Sure he does. So, tell me something, guys-- What's next? ==Season Two (2011)== ===Rampage=== :'''Rex:''' I'll give you the recap. Thanks to these microscopic machines called nanites, I can build cool gear out of my body. I'm what's called an EVO. But most EVOs aren't lucky like me. They usually look like this. ''[Chuckling]'' I know what you're thinking. And they smell bad, too. There's one other thing I can do that makes me even more special. Some EVOs, I can cure. That's why I work for Providence. We're the people you call when an evo is tearing up your lawn or attacking a city. And the worst of them is this guy-- Van Kleiss. The last time we fought, things got a little out of hand. I'll admit it-- We pretty much got our tails handed to us. He steals the key, wrecks headquarters, hijacks my nanite to get back the powers I took away from him. And now he can actually make people into EVOs. Then, to top it off, he has his dog boy Biowulf throw me, overboard at 6,000 feet. Not that anyone's keeping score. Sure, Van Kleiss may be back, but so am I. So what if he can make EVOs? I can still cure them. He may have new powers, but guess what-- I do, too. Ever since my powers came back, I've got the ability to make amazing new machines. Now I just have to figure out how to build more. If you're trying to check up on me, Six, the answer's still a big fat... ''[imitates buzzer]'' I can't figure out how to make this new build. :'''Six:''' It might take some time, but you'll get it. :'''Rex:''' And meanwhile, Van Kleiss is out there doing who knows what. I wish they'd hurry up and get the H.Q. Rebuilt. You're not still living out of your jump jet like some ninja hobo, are you? :'''Six:''' My temporary accommodations are perfectly adequate. :'''Rex:''' Yep. Still living in the jet. :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Rex:''' I hate being kicked out of our house. Although, as long as they're building stuff, I need a hot tub. :''[Carmen gasps]'' :'''Carmen:''' Madre! Estas viva! Como puede ser? :'''Carmen's mother:''' No querida. Soy la prima gemela diabolica de tu madre. :'''Noah:''' What are you watching? :'''Rex:''' Cultural enrichment! Later on, we find out if Dr. Suarez chooses Isabel, or her evil half sister, Ana Maria. :'''Carmen:''' Pero, como va supremivir esto nuesta familia. :'''Carmen's mother:''' Con mucho dolor, vengaza y arrepentimiento. :'''Noah:''' If you're gonna stay with me while they're rebuilding Providence, at least don't flaunt the fact that you don't have a pre-calculus test in three days. :'''Rex:''' Pre-wha? :'''Noah:''' Exactly my point. And when I agreed to this, I wasn't expecting the sidekick, too. :'''Bobo:''' Hey, pally, we're a package deal. Live with it. :''[Noah gasps]'' :'''Noah:''' Was that a toenail? Can I just get hit by a toenail?! :'''Rex:''' What's your deal? :'''Noah:''' Aah! Get one in my mouth! Ugh! :'''Rex:''' Okay, that is gross. Bobo, bad monkey. I thought this would be fun. :''[Noah scoffs]'' :'''Noah:''' For you, maybe. I'll get a real life, too, you know. As much as I want it to be, it can't be all fun and games all the time, Rex. :'''Rex:''' Why not? Worse for me. :'''Noah:''' Hey, I like adventure as much as the next guy, but I still have to pass math. :'''Rex:''' You're not going to fail math. You have like the fourth highest GPA in your class. :'''Noah:''' It used to be third. :'''Rex:''' And ten years from now, nobody's going to care. Hey doc, miss me? Huh? Oh. A situation. Really? Awesome! Nope. I'm not doing anything. Be right there. I'm gonna go pound some EVO into submission. Wanna come? :'''Noah:''' You're serious? :'''Rex:''' No. That would be you. Have fun with that math. :'''Noah:''' Save the world or a chance at a scholarship? All right! I'm coming! :'''Rex:''' Now see? It's a lot more fun when you just let go. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can you hold that thing still? :'''Rex:''' Dibs! That's a whole lot of agents for one EVO, doc. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' They weren't here for the EVO. That ship is carrying the new power core for Providence headquarters. This thing just happened to show up when we started to offload it. :''[Dr. Holiday grunting]'' :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Rex:''' Wh-o-o-o-oa! :''[Rex straining]'' :'''Rex:''' Van Kleiss! :''[Rex sighs]'' :'''Rex:''' Did you see the mark? Van Kleiss made that one. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Why else do you think I've been trying to get a sample from it? :'''Rex:''' I don't know-- Just being science-y? Ugh! :'''Bobo and Noah:''' Yeah! :'''Rex:''' Does that work for you? :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Rex:''' Aah! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' It'll do. Got it. We can cure it now. :'''Rex:''' Whoa! Aah! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Chuckling]'' Unless you like getting thrown around like that. :'''Noah:''' No hurry. This is great. :'''Bobo and Noah:''' Ew! :''[Dock worker grunts]'' :'''Dock worker:''' What hit me? :'''Rex:''' That would be me. :'''Six:''' You work here? :'''Dock worker:''' What do you think, mister? Ahh, my back. :'''Rex:''' Yep. Sorry. Was trying, you know, not to die. If he works at the dock, that must mean Van Kleiss was here. :'''Noah:''' Actually, I think he still is. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' They're after the power core. :'''Rex:''' All this for a battery? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not just a battery. It could fuel a country the size of Abysus for a decade. :'''Rex:''' And it was going to be underneath my room?! Excuse me. Out of the way! Coming through! I was wondering when you and your hair would show up again, Van Kleiss. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Back to your old self again, I see. And how are those new abilities developing? :'''Rex:''' Just fine. Thanks for asking. Here's what I bet you're thinking, "did we really think this plan through? Was using some poor dude as a decoy the best move?" :'''Van Kleiss:''' I suppose only time will tell. Not as strong as you thought. :'''Rex:''' Not yet. That time I really thought I had it, okay? Ohh! :'''Noah:''' How awesome was that? :'''Rex:''' What part-- You clobbering Van Kleiss or Van Kleiss clobbering me? :'''Noah:''' Well, both, actually. :'''Rex:''' Hold on. I need a second to think of a really good dig. :''[Van Kleiss chuckles]'' :'''Rex:''' Why are you smiling? We just owned you. It's over, Van Kleiss. You lose! :'''Noah:''' That was the best you could come up with. "You lose"? :'''Rex:''' That one didn't count. He caught me off guard with the whole smiling thing, okay? :'''Van Kleiss:''' You'd be wise to consider delaying your celebration for the moment, Rex. You're about to have your hands quite full. :'''Rex:''' Oh, really? And how do you figure that? :'''Noah:''' Aah! :'''Van Kleiss:''' Here's the part where you must be thinking, "did I think this plan through?" :'''Rex:''' Noah! :''[Noah growls]'' :'''Rex:''' Are you nuts?! Stop it! :'''Six:''' Stand down! :'''Rex:''' Take it easy, Noah. You're going to be okay. This will all be over in a second. Great. Just great. :'''Six:''' Go! :'''Rex:''' Noah, if you can still understand me, when I said you should let things go, this isn't exactly what I meant. :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Rex:''' Headache. It should be about balance, you know? Take care of the important stuff, but leave room for a little fun. Right now! Too much fun! :''[Rex screaming]'' :'''Rex:''' Wh-o-o-o-oa! Everything's fine. Not a problem. :'''Six:''' If you can't stop him, it's going to be. :'''Rex:''' You know, Six, you really need to learn to think positive. :''[Diane Farrah and Reporter gasps]'' :'''Rex:''' Stupid grin. It's like it's all just a game to him. :'''Determined grandmother:''' I know you! :'''Rex:''' Yeah, uh, thanks, but-- :'''Determined grandmother:''' You're that "tex" kid from Providence. :'''Rex:''' Oh, Rex. Ma'am, this really isn't-- :'''Determined grandmother:''' I have a bone to pick with Providence. Do you realize how awful it's been? :''[Rex chuckles]'' :'''Rex:''' Funny story, he's actually my friend, so as soon as I can catch him-- :'''Determined grandmother:''' Every single night, someone moves my glasses. I leave them on the nightstand, and when I wake up, they're on the dresser! :'''Rex:''' Glasses? :'''Determined grandmother:''' There's got to be an EVO in my house. Some of them only come out at night, you know. :'''Rex:''' Uh-huh. :'''Determined grandmother:''' Now, I keep calling you people, but no one will give me the time of day over there. So, you tell me-- How am I supposed to feel safe when there is an EVO in my apartment?! :'''Rex:''' Here. First number on speed dial. :'''Determined grandmother:''' He's eating the cat food, too! :'''Bobo:''' That friend of yours is a walking disaster. I'm starting to like the kid. :'''Six:''' We'll get this. Go. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, can you hear me? :'''Rex:''' A little busy right now, doc. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Then I'll make it quick. The active nanites Van Kleiss create are highly unstable. If Noah isn't cured soon, his condition will be permanent. :'''Rex:''' How long do I have? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's probably different for each infected person, but I calculate less than an hour. :'''Rex:''' Noah, you have to listen to me. If I don't change you back, this is not going to turn out well. Please. Let me help you. No! No! Thanks a lot, guys! :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' Noah, I'm serious! Stop playing around! :''[Rex screams]'' :''[Rex sighs]'' :'''Rex:''' This isn't a game, Noah! Huh. Maybe it should be. Okay, Noah. I give up! You're it! Better not be another train. All right! :''[Noah roaring]'' :'''Rex:''' Aw, no. :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Rex:''' Well, what do you know? I'm "it" again. :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, any luck? :'''Rex:''' Yep. I got him. Stand by. This isn't going to hurt. I promise. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex? :'''Rex:''' I'm too late. I don't believe this. My best friend's an EVO forever-- And not even a cool EVO. He's the annoying, breaks-stuff kind. :''[Noah belches]'' :'''Rex:''' Ugh! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Actually, Rex, it might not be Noah. Your biometrics have flat-lined. :'''Rex:''' All that running around. He just wore me out. Did you hear that? It's me, not you. :''[Rex sighs]'' :'''Rex:''' Just give me a minute. :''[Noah roaring]'' :'''Rex:''' Noah, don't even-- No, no, no, no, no. No! No! I don't believe this. You really need a hobby, Van Kleiss. :'''Van Kleiss:''' I thought we could settle things without distraction. Here is as good a place as any. :'''Rex:''' I already kicked your butt once today. Ready to go again? :'''Van Kleiss:''' The question is, are you? It's hardly a fair fight. :'''Rex:''' Oh. Then I promised to go easy on you. What? You think I don't have my powers or something? I'm about to give you the pounding of the century! Come on, powers. Please come back! Don't you have anything better to do with your life than come after me all the time? :'''Van Kleiss:''' Funny you should ask. :'''Rex:''' Doc? How are those biometrics looking now? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Give it a try. :'''Rex:''' Ah, yeah! It's about time! Machines work. I just hope the important part does. :'''Noah:''' What just happened? :'''Rex:''' Do you remember anything? :'''Noah:''' It all kind of hazy. I mostly remember the feeling of... Fun. And I remember you punching me in the face. :'''Rex:''' Yeah. Sorry about that. I thought you were trying to eat me. Come on. We've got a rat to catch. Why so happy? Is this the part where breach shows up and rescues you? :'''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, no. This is the part where she takes your inadequately guarded fuel core. :'''Six:''' Six to post, what's your status? Six to post. :'''Rex:''' Another decoy? :'''Van Kleiss:''' I should share some of the credit with your friend over here. He played the part to perfection. :'''Noah:''' Gee, thanks. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, this would be the part where Breach shows up. :'''Noah:''' I can't believe I did all this. Sounds like I had the time of my life. :'''Rex:''' ''[laughing]'' It almost became your life. Sorry about that. :'''Noah:''' Are you kidding? Just knowing I was a rampaging EVO is cool. I wish I could have remembered at least some of it. :'''Rex:''' It's probably all over the news if you want a replay... At least until you stepped on the news van. :'''Noah:''' Well... ''[Exhales sharply]'' Guess it's back to quadratic equations. :'''Rex:''' I have no idea what those are. I've got somewhere I need to be. See you later. I know. I'm not supposed to be here. I don't care if it's a construction zone. I'm moving back. :'''Six:''' It's all right. Turns out you're not the only one who feels that way. You'll get used to the cold showers. Food, you're on your own. From the top? :'''Rex:''' From the top. :'''Six:''' What were you trying to build, anyway? :'''Rex:''' A water jet. Oh, by the way, I need a new cellphone. :'''Six:''' Yes? :'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' It's after my glasses again. :'''Six:''' Glasses? :'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' This time I am serious. Now, when are you going to send someone out here? :'''Six:''' Ma'am, I'm... :'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' Do you even work for Providence? :'''Six:''' Yes, I work for Providence. :'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' What kind of a flimflam outfit is this? :'''Six:''' How did you get this number? ===Wasteland=== ===Tough Love=== ===The Lost Weekend=== :'''Kenwyn:''' What did you to Skwydd? :'''Mouse:''' Just shedding a light light on how dangerous his kind can be. :'''Rex:''' By juicing his powers? What were you thinking? :'''Mouse:''' Most inorganic material explodes when given that kind of molecular jolt, but not not nanites. They convert the energy into power that amplifies an E.V.O.'s abilities to tremendously uncontrollable levels. ===Star-Crossed=== ===Alliance=== :'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' And he brought his Pack flunkies. Biowulf, Skalamander, Breach. Circe? Gotta hurry. Their headed straight for... someplace else. Gonna find out where. <hr width80%> :'''Holiday:''' Rex why aren't you fixing that shield regulator? :'''Rex:''' Hint. You may remember him from such schemes as destroying Providence headquarters, and trying to take over the entire Earth. :'''Holiday:''' Van Kliess, in there? You're right. You should investigate after you fix the shield. :'''Rex:''' Then it might be too late. :'''Holiday:''' She's there, isn't she? :'''Rex:''' Who? Breach? Yeah, but... :'''Holiday:''' A quick recon and that's it. <hr width80%> :'''Van Kleiss:''' Intriguing. An entire urban branch of EVO. development. :'''Biowulf:''' This place is a waste of our time. :'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss knows what he's doing. It's not your place to question. :'''Biowulf:''' Question?! You dare accuse me of disloyalty?! :'''Circe:''' Sorry. Get a grip! <hr width80%> :'''Circe:''' You're right, you know. We should be down there with him. What is he up to anyway? :'''Biowulf:''' I do not know. :'''Circe:''' You don't know? I thought he trusted you with everything. :'''Biowulf:''' Of course he does! He just-- :'''Rex:''' Hey! Easy on the stealth suit, which apparently, isn't so stealthy. <hr width80%> :'''NoFace:''' Invaders have come before. They brought only pain. :'''Van Kleiss:''' It is a pain we both share. The same Providence outsides attacked my lands, destroyed my army. :'''NoFace:''' There was one who tormented us, humiliated us. The grower of machines. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Ah, Rex. Another thorn we share. My proposal is simple: You control a formidable legion. I, in turn, can provide the escape and the vengeance you seek. I can be your liberator. You can be my general. Together we will crush our enemies, starting with the one you hate most. Now are we-- :'''Biowulf:''' Master, I have a report. :'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[irritated]'' This is a private conversation. Can't you handle the sightest detail without bothering me? :'''Biowulf:''' Of course, Master. It was nothing. <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' Here comes the moment when our brave hero sweeps the girl of her feet! Literally! :'''Biowulf:''' Don't let him. :'''Circe:''' Hey! Let-- :'''Rex:''' ''[flies off with Circe in his arms]''' See you around, henchie! :'''Biowulf:''' ''[to Skalamander]'' Follow them. <hr width80%> :'''Circe:''' Down, now! :'''Rex:''' Not till we hear each other out! :'''Circe:''' Sure! I'll go first. :''[Breaks the Bogie Pack with a hypersonic burst, causing them to fall]'' :'''Rex:''' Oh, great. Way to go, Circe. <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' Our hero pursues the girl of his dreams, heedless of her attempts to break his heart... along with the rest of him. Circe, just one minute, okay? Look-No powers! :'''Circe:''' One minute! But if this is about leaving the Pack-- :'''Rex:''' Please. I'm way past that. There are bigger things going here than who you hang out with. :'''Circe:''' Fifty seconds! :'''Rex:''' I wasn't sent here to spy on you. I'm here to stop these things from ever getting out. :'''Circe:''' Forty! Why are you telling me this? You know who I am! :'''Rex:''' You've seen the things that live here. Whatever deal you think Van Kleiss is making, it's going to turn out bad for everyone. :'''Circe:''' Thirty seconds! :'''Rex:''' I do know who you are, Circe. Just for once think for yourself. Maybe your perfect leader could actually be wrong, maybe even a bit crazy, nuts, certifiably insane! : '''Circe:''' Shut up! Twenty! Talk about blinded. Did you ever wonder why Van Kleiss is so interested in you? :'''Rex:''' Oh, I don't know. Maybe he wants me dead? :'''Circe:''' Not anymore. Something has changed, Rex. Ever since you got your powers back, I hear him talking. Saying you have something that's the key to everything. For whatever reason, he needs you alive. I know it, Rex. He'd never let you be killed. :'''Rex:''' Never, huh? :'''Circe:''' Time's up! <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' Now this looks like a party. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Rex, you never cease to amaze me. <hr width80%> :'''No-Face:''' Defiler! Give him to us! :'''Van Kleiss:''' Now do you believe I can deliver what I say? Will yoh agree to my leadership? :'''No-Face:''' We agree to it! Give him to us! Now! Now! Now! :'''Circe:''' ''[very shocked]''' Van Kleiss, I didn't bring Rex here so that you could-- He'll kill him! :'''Van Kleiss:''' Never forget how I found you, Circe. What you were... before. He's yours. :''[Tears well up in Circe's eyes; thoroughly horrified that her master would calmly allow Rex's life to be put at risk]'' <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' ''[weakly]''' Is this what you wanted? :''[Collapses from his inquiries, causing Circe to open her eyes]'' :'''Circe''' ''[tearful, pleading]'': Stop this! Please! You need him alive! :'''Van Kleiss:''' Alive, yes. Heart pumping, lungs breathing, but his mind? The less there's left of that, the better. Circe, I warn you: Lift so much as a finger to help him, and you're finished! <hr width80%> :'''Circe:''' You, Biowulf, even me. We're all just means to an end for him. He doesn't really care for any of us. :'''Rex:''' So you finally figured that out. Better late than never, I guess. :'''Circe:''' It's not too late! Not if I have anything to say about it! :''[Extends her fleshly and grotesque EVOs mouth]'' :'''Bobo:''' Whoa! Whoa! There are some of us who might not like the sound of whatever you're about to do! :'''Circe:''' I'll adjust the frequency to exclude friendly EVOs. :'''Bobo:''' Does that include me? :'''Circe:''' For now. :''[Uses her melodious, hypnotic singing to call back the EVOs escaping]'' :'''Rex:''' I thought you said you could filter it. :'''Circe:''' It's not an exact science. <hr width80%> :'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss. :'''Rex:''' Breach'll get him out... eventually. But right now he's in there, you're out here. You don't have a better opportunity to consider your options. :''[Notice the two of them holding hands and let go, blushing]'' :'''Bobo:''' What is it stealing from our own people that's so dang satisfying? :'''Circe:''' You forget to remove the tracker. I'm not going to Providence. :'''Rex:''' Doesn't matter where you go. All that matters is that you want to go there. That said. I hear Hong Kong's nice this time of year. ===Robo Bobo=== ===Divide By Six=== :'''One''': ''[Speaking through Rex]'' Six. :'''Six''': One? :'''One''': You left this place, quit life as a mercenary and so rarely returned to visit. :'''Six''': I did what I felt was right, I never meant to dishonor. :'''One''': So rarely, that I never had time to tell you how proud you've made me. :'''Six''': ''[Takes off his glasses for the first time in the series]'' We're going to help you. We're going to take you home. :'''One''': But Six, I am home. ''[Rex falls unconscious while One's body starts changing. Eventually his body dissolves and fertilizes the entire island to its former splendor]'' : '''Six:''' He's still One. He's just one with everything. ===Mixed Signals=== : '''Rex:''' Whoa, big guy! Someone needs to ease off on the cheeseburgers. : '''Six:''' Skip the insults. Start the containment. : '''Rex:''' Like its feelings are going to get hurt. One bad and ugly going down. What? : '''Six:''' Rex? Rex! : '''Rex:''' Cool! : '''Six:''' You want to explain this? : '''Rex:''' I don't know. It's like some weird vision of this thing filled my head, then built itself out of me. Maybe the vision came from Blobbo. Maybe it's trying to talk to me. Come on, big boy. Send me some more pictures. What's on your mind? : '''Six:''' Groceries. That's what's on its mind. : '''Rex:''' I'm skipping. I'm over it. That vision must have been a fluke. : '''Six:''' All right, then. We're going with a two-prong attack. Use caution. This kind of EVO might be a splitter. Rex! Snap out of it! : '''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! Ha! I wasn't supposed to do that, right? : '''Six:''' Rex, I want you back at HQ. : '''Rex:''' But I feel okay now. And we've got, um-- Two blobs to put down. : '''Six:''' Now! : '''Holiday:''' No trace of any recent electrochemical or DNA abnormalities. Everything reads normal. : '''Rex:''' But it's like the visions were being transmitted, and I was seeing it from a nanite point of view. : '''Holiday:''' I can't track it, Rex. There's no sign of signal displacement or a nano disturbance. Maybe we should consider the possibility that this is psychological. : '''Rex:''' Huh? Pizza. : '''Holiday:''' I think he's having another vision. : '''Bobo Haha:''' Of lunch? : '''Rex:''' With pineapple and salmon. : '''Bobo Haha:''' Blech! He is nuts. : '''Holiday:''' Aside from a strange choice in pizza toppings, all readings are normal. I can't explain it. : '''Rex:''' Well, if my nanites are trying to get me to build something, maybe we should give them what they want. : '''Bobo Haha:''' Whatever it is, I'm not eating it. Is that my electric toothbrush? : '''Rex:''' It better not be the one I've been using. : '''Bobo Haha:''' Oh. : '''Rex:''' This is what I'm seeing in my head. As stupid as it looks. It's like someone or something is sending me instructions to build some big device. : '''Bobo Haha:''' Or build a pizza with pineapple and salmon. : '''Rex:''' Okay. I'm not sure about that vision. : '''Holiday:''' Is that my hairdryer? : '''Rex:''' I just need to figure out what it does. Maybe it's a time machine. Or-- Or alien technology! : '''Bobo Haha:''' Maybe it's just a big pile of junk. Or a way to order a really awful pizza. : '''Contraption Voice:''' Target acquired. : '''Holiday:''' Rex! : '''Bobo Haha:''' Wake up! : ''[Rex gasps]'' : '''Provindece Soldier #1:''' Hey, where do you think you're going? We've got a security breach. Front floor. : '''Providence Soldier #2:''' Lockdown protocols enabled. All hands report to duty station. Security speed, take position. : '''Rex:''' Sorry, guys. I might be a little... late. : '''Caesar:''' Case compression. Release. : '''Rex:''' Figures I'd build a machine with a serious attitude problem. : '''Caesar:''' ''[taking off his helmet and turns to Rex]'' Rex, is that you? : '''Rex:''' Who’s asking? : '''Caesar:''' It’s me, Caesar, your brother! Mijo! ''[Hugs Rex]'' You're alive and... older. ''[Rex is dumbfounded]'' Uh. Atomic clock was right... ''[spanish accent]'' Es una problema grande. : '''Rex:''' Uh, yeah. ''[Pushes Caesar]'' It is a big problem. : '''Caesar:''' What is this place? Who are you people? ''[to Rex]'' I'm getting you out of here! : '''Bobo Haha:''' Sorry, amigo. Put your hands up. Or don't. I got a clear shot either way. : '''Caesar:''' ''[is looking at Bobo]'' A talking chimp? : '''Bobo Haha:''' Don't bother. I've heard all the jokes. : '''Caesar:''' Have they hurt you? Are you okay? Stand aside. : '''Rex:''' Hello? Do I get a say in this? : '''Holiday:''' If you're part of some elaborate plan to kidnap Rex, then you failed. : '''Caesar:''' Listen, bonita, you don't wanna make me use this. : '''Rex:''' ''[gets in between them]'' Enough! Normally around here when someone barges in talking crazy, they get around into the deck plates by my giant fists. But you seem legit. I'm going with him. : '''Holiday:''' Rex! : '''Rex:''' Okay, brother. Lead the way. So if you are my brother, where have you been all this time? : '''Caesar:''' I'll explain later when we're safe. : '''Rex:''' Uh, this is Providence. We are safe. Usually. : '''Caesar:''' Providence? Never heard of it. To be honest, the last five years has been a bit of a blur. : '''Rex:''' I want to believe you, but I'm gonna need some proof. : '''Caesar:''' Your name is Rex Salazar. Our parents are Violetta and Raphael. The last time I saw you was at the Applied Nanite Research Lab in Abysus; right before those fools triggered a replication cycle. : '''Rex:''' And I have total amnesia so, for all I know, that could be completely bogus. : '''Caesar:''' There's a scar on the back of your left knee you got when you were seven, riding the gantry arm in the reactor annex. : '''Rex:''' Hmm. I always wondered how I got that. :''[they go out and Rex notices Caesar Salazar's pod laboratory]'' : '''Rex:''' Whoa. Nice wheels. : '''Six:''' ''[Comes out and unsheathed his swords]'' Don't even think about it. : ''[Caesar is about to attack but Rex stops him]'' : '''Rex:''' It's okay. Six isn't going to hurt you. Right, Six? You're comming in a little late on this, but, uh, this is Caesar, my brother, and he wants to get me out of here. So, let's just let my brother have his way and see where this all goes. Wherever you plan on going, they're going to follow us. You know that, right? : '''Caesar:''' They can try. : '''Rex:''' I don't know. Providence ship are pretty fast. : '''Six:''' Track Rex's bio signature and find out who that guy really is. : '''Rex:''' You ain't kidding. This thing moves fast. A-are we in the arctic? : '''Caesar:''' How do you think I got to your location so quickly once the locator signaled me? : '''Rex:''' Locator? You sent me the schematics to build that thing? It tried to crush me like a bug! : '''Caesar:''' Sorry, mijo. I wasn't really trying to hurt. ''[scans Rex's body]'' I was looking for what's hiding inside of you. ''[showing Rex the result]'' The Omega One Nanite. : '''Rex:''' That thing? Holiday discovered it before. We had no idea what it was. : '''Caesar:''' I sent signal instructions for the Omega One to track and contain. But since the nanite has integrated into your DNA, you became the conduit for building the machine. What I don't get is how the Omega One got inside of you. Rylander was supposed to have that under lock and key. : '''Rex:''' Rylander? He's the one who put it inside me. : '''Caesar:''' Why would he do a thing like that? I'm really gonna have to let old fool have it when I see him. : '''Rex:''' Not possible-- Courtesy of Van Kleiss. : '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss?! What does that third-rate lab hack have to do with this? : '''Rex:''' What? I guess I’m not the only one who needs an update. Where have you been? : '''Caesar:''' It's a long story-- actually, short by my clock. A splinter group had formed at the lab. They had other ideas about how the nanites would be used. We tried to stop them, and you were hurt. The only way to save your life was an infusion of nanites. It was risky, but it worked. We thought that'd be enough to stop the others, make them see the right path. But we were wrong. Mom and Dad were in the reactor. As for me, I managed to escape in my lab. But the shock wave, the same shock wave that probably blanked your memory.... also interfered with engine that powers this pod. I was stuck in sub-light drive. : '''Rex:''' How long? : '''Caesar:''' Fifteen minutes. That's how long it took me to reboot the system. But at the speed I was going, it was 5 years of your time. I knew there was an accident, but I had no idea how bad. My nanite sensors were off the charts. My 1st priority was to insure the OM-1 was safe. That was our promise. And here we are. So, what have I missed these past five years? : '''Rex:''' Providence? We need to talk. They can wait. : '''Caesar:''' So let me understand, there are EVOs and Van Kleiss claimed as their leader? : '''Rex:''' Well, not for all of them, yet. I want to know about me, about our parents. : '''Caesar:''' They were scientists. We lived all over the world. Things settled down when you came along. That was in Geneva. : '''Rex:''' Wait a second. Are you saying I'm Swiss? : ''Caesar:'' Not really. Mother was born in Mexico City. Father in Buenos Aires. : '''Rex:''' And they're really... gone? ''[Caesar slowly nods sadly]'' : '''Rex:''' Um, where exactly did this ship take us? : '''Caesar:''' What do you know?We're back at the original lab site. : '''Rex:''' You mean the one in Abysus? : '''Caesar:''' Is that a problem? : '''Rex:''' I'd say just a small one. We should go, like now. : '''Caesar:''' ''[typing]'' Hmm... Must be low on charge. ''[walks out the door]'' We may be stuck, but on the bright side, I can take a look at some of these variegated organisms. ''[goes out]'' : '''Rex:''' Caesar! Wait! : ''[outside and observing the EVOs]'' : '''Caesar:''' Fascinating. We theorized mutations might occur but never anything this random. : ''[Rex hits the EVO before they got near Caesar]'' : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Sorry, bro, but these guys-- : ''[Rex hits another EVO]'' : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Usually don't sit still for questions. : '''Caesar:''' ''[seeing Rex's new build]'' Hmm... That's new. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Guess I've learned a-- : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' A few tricks. But they still won't be enough if Van Kleiss shows up with all his goons. Six! : '''Six:'''We're locked onto you. The keep is already on its way. : '''Rex:''' Your ship may be out of juice, but I'm not. Hop on. I can get us out of here. : '''Caesar:''' I won't leave my lab, and you definitely don't want Van Kleiss getting his hands on some of the things in here. I'll try to reroute the capacitors to an alternate power source. : '''Caesar:''' Oh, you wanna see a photo of you, me, and papi? Maybe later. : '''Rex:''' You're a little off, aren't you, Caesar? : '''Biowulf:''' What was that machine it flew off with? : '''Van Kleiss:''' A laboratory. One I thought I'd never see again. It seems an old friend has returned-Caesar. : '''Rex:''' Providence isn't so bad now, eh, hermano? : '''Caesar:''' Is this a Grinnell? They always made good consoles, except for the random power surges. : '''Six:''' Well? : '''Rex:''' Everything's cool. He's a little kooky, but I'm pretty sure he's my brother. : '''Six:''' Glad to hear it. Now I need you back. We still have some unfinished business. : '''Rex:''' Got to get back to work. : '''Caesar:''' My little brother, the hero. I remember when you just wanted to be a musician. : '''Rex:''' Guitar? No, wait drums. : '''Caesar:''' Accordion. : '''Rex:''' You got to be kidding me! : '''Six:''' As I recall, you started it. : '''Rex:''' Huh? : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Six:''' The EVO is dividing faster than we can contain it. The city is being evacuated. : '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Excuse me, admiral. I need you to take me down there immediately. Afraid I'll have to insist. : '''Six:''' Rex! : '''Rex:''' Are you crazy?! : '''Caesar:''' Depends on who you ask. I had something in my lab that I thought could help. : '''Six:''' Help? You're not even supposed to be outside the keep. : '''Rex:''' WHOO-HOO! Way to go, bro! First day on the job, and you already got a save! : '''Six:''' Job? : '''Rex:''' Oh, come on, admit it, Six. He just saved our chicharrones. : ''[Caesar laughs]'' : '''Rex:''' What? What's so funny? : '''Caesar:''' You always make me laugh when you try to speak Spanish. : '''Holiday:''' We've pulled his records, and I've confirmes his DNA. It seems Rex really does have a brother. : '''White Knight:''' If everything I've read about him is true, he could be an incredible asset to Providence. : '''Six:''' Or a major liability. : '''White Knight:''' All the more reason to keep him with us. Give him whatever he needs. : '''Holiday:''' White's right, Six. He knows more about nanites than anyone on the planet. He helped invent them. : '''Six:''' My point exactly. He's settling in? : '''Rex:''' I guess so. Caesar's a little strange. Hard to believe he's actually my brother. : '''Six:''' I'm happy for you, Rex. You always said you wanted to find your family. : '''Rex:''' Thanks, but... You know that? I already did. Caesar may be my brother, but you, Holiday, Bobo, you're who I have a connection with. : '''Bobo:''' Aww, now, see, I'm getting all misty. : '''Caesar:''' There you are. Hmm. Nice view. Say, mijo, you think your cafeteria could whip up a pizza with pineapple and salmon? I've been craving one for days. : '''Bobo:''' Connection, huh? ===Outpost=== :'''Valentina:''' Ugh! We were returning them to their natural habitat! What Providence does is wrong and against the natural order of things! You're a traitor to your own kind. :'''Rex:''' That's creature's job is to ''exterminate'' mankind! It wanted to kill you! ===Haunted=== ===Moonlighting=== ===Without a Paddle=== ===Written in Sand=== :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I need an uptade. :'''Rex''': I'm right at the edge. Anything still alive in there is trying to get away from the sandstorm. :'''Dr. Holiday''': It's not the storm they're running from. The nanites inside them are forcing the animals away. It's creating a kind of nanite-free zone. :'''Rex''': Ha! We should call White Knight. Maybe he'll move here and leave us all alone. :'''Dr. Holiday''': It's no laughing matter, Rex. It could be the most significant development since the original nanite event. :'''Rex''': Yeah, yeah. Possible cures save the world-- Got it. I'll check it out. :'''Bobo''': Hey, doc. You may wanna get a load of this over here. :'''Dr. Holiday''': Negative. The storm is moving in too fast. Just place a sensor and pack it in. :'''Rex''': Hey. No. It couldn't be. Rex to base. We got trouble of the egomaniacal EVO kind. :'''Dr. Holiday''': Van Kleiss is here? Why am I not surprised? :'''Rex''': I think the real question is, if everything else is in such a race to get out, why is he going on? :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, wait. :'''Rex''': Don't worry, doc. It's me. What could possibly happen? :'''Skalamander''': RARGH! PTUH! They're nothing but dirt. :'''Biowulf''': My senses-- Useless in all this sand. :'''Van Kleiss''': This phenomenon deserves my personal attention. What we seek is nearby. I can feel it pushing against me. :'''Rex''': ''[Rex emerges from the sand storm]'' Yeah? :''[Skalamander grunts]'' :'''Rex''': ''[Rex kicks Skalamander]'' How about kicking against you, too? :'''Van Kleiss''': Rex! You're not welcome here. :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Rex''': Now, that hurt my feelings! :''[Rex groaning]'' :''[Skalamander pins him to the sand, causing him to groan in pain]'' :''[Skalamander laughs]'' :'''Rex''': Aaah! Whoa! :'''Van Kleiss''': If I never see your face again, It will be too soon! :'''Rex''': Yeah? The feeling's-- Whoa! Mutual! :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex? Rex, do you read me? :''[Bobo coughing]'' :'''Bobo''': Okay, we gotta get outta here. I got sand in places I didn't even know I had places. :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, if you can hear me, we're retreating to the safe zone. Rendezvous with us there. :'''Rex''': AAAAH! WHOA-OHHHHHHH! :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Rex coughs]'' :'''Rex''': Okay, Kleiss-- Go time! No EVO allies, just you and-- Whoa! Uh, sorry, buddy. Didn't mean to bring you along for the ride. :'''Van Kleiss''': I don't need my EVO allies, when I can simply make more. :'''Rex''': Don't get me wrong-- I love punching stuff. But anything you can do, I can undo better! We can do this all day. Or you can just spill it. :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex''': Why are you causing this nanite-free zone? :'''Van Kleiss''': How convenient it must be to make me the root of all evil. I'm not causing it. I've come to discover the source and destroy it. :'''Rex''': This could be the cure to nanites. :'''Van Kleiss''': And I live off nanites. What Providence calls a cure, I call death. :'''Rex''': Really? Haven't we moved past this? :'''Van Kleiss''': Huh? :''[Van Kleiss grunts]'' :''[After Van Kleiss creates a scorpion EVO to attack Rex, it attacks him instead.]'' :'''Rex''': That is the funniest thing I have ever seen! Hang on-- I got to get this on video. ''[Takes out cell phone and starts recording Van Kleiss dodging the scorpion EVO.]'' :''[Van Kleiss panting]'' :'''Van Kleiss''': Something's wrong. I should be controlling this creature. :'''Rex''': Stinks to be you. Huh? You ruined my shot! :'''Van Kleiss''': I believe we've found something more interesting. :'''Rex''': You like to point out the obvious, don't you? :'''Bobo''': Don't get me wrong-- I love the kid, but if we don't pull stakes now, we'll be combing dust outta all sorts of places for years. :'''Dr. Holiday''': Too late. Hold on to everything that's not tied down. This is going to be a bumpy... ride. :'''Six''': Holiday? I trust you're all right? :'''Dr. Holiday''': I'm fine, Six. But Rex is still out there-- With Van Kleiss. I can't reach him. :'''Six''': We'll prep a rescue party. Prepare to come aboard. :'''Rex''': Hey! :'''Van Kleiss''': This is not simply a nanite-free zone. Something is stealing the nanites from our bodies. If we linger here too long, we may both find ourselves defenseless against the other. :'''Rex''': Well, then, we'd better blow this joint. And when I say "we" I mean "me". :''[Rex tries to escape and fails]'' :'''Rex''': AAAAAAAAH! :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Van Kleiss''': If either of us is to escape this place, we will have to work together. :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Rex''': What exactly are you suggesting? :'''Van Kleiss''': A temporary truce. :'''Rex''': An extremely temporary truce. :'''Van Kleiss''': We'll work our way to the center of the nanite storm. :'''Rex''': No, we work our way out of the nanite storm and get Providence in here to figure out what's happening. :'''Van Kleiss''': Providence? They can't be trusted. :'''Rex''': Them? Didn't you try to take over New York? And Europe? And the world? :'''Van Kleiss''': You need to listen to me, Rex. Without a powers, you're nothing but a child. :'''Rex''': Oh, yeah? Truce over! Okay. This is awkward. Hey, is it just me, or are you getting really dust? :'''Van Kleiss''': It's happening faster than I thought. :'''Rex''': What's happening faster? If you know something, you'd better spit it out, or-- Whoa! It all looks fossilized. Like it's made completely out of... sand. :'''Van Kleiss''': Not only are there no nanites here, this is pure silicone. There are no other elements-- No carbon, calcium, hydrogen. It appears that this zone not only destroys nanites, but is-- :'''Rex''': Squeezing the life from the Earth. This isn't sand. This is me! :''[Rex whimpering]'' :'''Van Kleiss''': These glyphs-- There's something familiar about them. Sumatran? Mesopotamian? :'''Rex''': Less geeking, more escaping! :'''Van Kleiss''': We need to find the epicenter of this maze. These glyphs may hold the answer. :'''Rex''': Only if one says "exit sign." :'''Van Kleiss''': No need to panic, Rex. We have at least twenty minutes before fossilization-- Give or take. :'''Rex''': "Don't panic"-- Says the guy who used to be dirt. :''[Van Kleiss grunts]'' :'''Rex''': We're turning into walking litter boxes, and you're checking out caveman graffiti? No wonder I'm always kicking your butt. :'''Van Kleiss''': You don't have an investigative bone in your body, do you? So strongheaded-- Just like your mother. ''[Rex is silent]'' No, you don't like that, do you-- That I know more about you than you do? :'''Rex''': Skip the head games. Isn't exactly a good time. :'''Van Kleiss''': No, but perhaps it is time for some truth. We may perish down here, Rex. Ask me anything you want about the past, and I'll answer it. :'''Rex''': ''[looks at his own slowly fossilizing body]'' Sell it somewhere else. I'm not buying. :''[walks away]'' :'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, so the great and powerful Providence has finally come through on their promise to help you remember your past. :'''Rex''': Something better-- Someone who was actually there at the Nanite Event. :'''Van Kleiss''': Aha. Your brother, Caesar. :''[Van Kleiss chuckles evilly]'' :'''Van Kleiss''': I've been following you both very closely since his... miraculous reappearance. Even if you don't want to hear what I have to say, this one's for free. Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be. :'''Rex''': ''[creates his BFS and holds it at Van Kleiss' throat]'' What are you getting at? :'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, no, no. That's not how this works. It isn't my turn. Quid pro quo, Rex. If you want to know more-- Why don't we start with something simple? Rylander's Omega Nanite. I know it's inside you. :'''White Knight''': Status uptade? :'''Six''': Still no fix on Rex. Scanners can't cut through the storm, so we're moving in to stage a recon. :'''White Knight''': I will not risk everyone on board that ship for one agent. Not even that agent. :''[Holiday subtly ends the call. Then to Six]'' :'''Dr. Holiday''': Whoops. Guess the satellite feed went down. Nasty sand. :''[Six smirks]'' :'''Dr. Holiday''': Caesar? Wanted you to know we haven’t found him yet. :'''Caesar''': Found who? :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex. :'''Caesar''': Right. Ah. Sorry. That was, uh, fifteen minutes ago. I've done about five hundred task since then. Try calibrating the keep's sensors to search for traces of Selenium. It's something Rex naturally gives off, like dandruff. :'''Dr. Holiday''': I-- Really? Hmm. Okay, thanks. :'''Van Kleiss''': So what you're saying is, the motor runs off of gravity and the only exhausts are atoms of selenium. :'''Rex''': Now you. Squid Pro... Whatever. The nanites, the Event. What started all this? :'''Van Kleiss''': He didn't tell you? I'm not surprised. It was Caesar. :''[Rex pushes Van Kleiss to nearest wall and take out his BFS once again]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Van Kleiss''': Wasteful, Rex. :'''Rex''': You're lying! :'''Van Kleiss''': Hardly. Your brother is responsible for the most significant catastrophe in human history. You have to admit that as brilliant as Caesar is, he's... not quite right. Am I telling you something that you haven't already noticed? :''[Rex groans]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex''': HAAAH! :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Van Kleiss coughing]'' :'''Van Kleiss''': You seem to have awoken some sort of defense mechanism. :'''Rex''': What are they defending? Rocks? :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Van Kleiss''': Before we're totally devoid of nanites, we need to end this now-- Together. :'''Rex''': Back to back! :'''Van Kleiss''': What? :'''Rex''': Haven't you ever read a comic book? Back to back! No way. These markings-- They're not hieroglyphics. They're circuit boards. This whole cave, this valley-- It's one giant circuit board. These are data conduits-- Ms. Hubs! :'''Van Kleiss''': You're right. These spirals are solid-state storage-- The standard design for a firewall in a CPU. :'''Rex''': Did you just say I'm right? Now that I know what we're dealing with, it's a simple matter of-- Hacking in. This is malo-- Muy malo. Van Kleiss, meet the psycho computer who calls herself-- :'''Van Kleiss''': Zag-RS? :'''Rex''': How do you know that? ''[Zag-RS notices them and attacks them]'' You know Zag-RS? How? :'''Van Kleiss''': She was designed as a decontamination program at the original nanite laboratory. Her task was to destroy any rogue nanites that escaped from the holding tanks. :'''Rex''': She did a great job. Whoever designed her should be taken out and beaten with a tendril. :'''Van Kleiss''': Caesar designed her. :'''Rex''': I'm gonna have to have a chat with my brother when this is over. :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Van Kleiss''': Focus, you fool. If we're to survive this, we have to use whatever nanites we have left to shut her down. :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Rex''': No problemo! Ah, come on! Stay up! Show off! :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Rex''': Well, this bites. :''[Rex straining]'' :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Rex''': Didn't I leave you in orbit? Shouldn't you have burned up in re-entry or something? :'''Zag-RS''': Re-entry resulted in a hard desert landing. This unit faced complete system failure. Salvation came from integration with the host space station power cell, where new initiatives were established. :'''Rex''': Turning the world into a sandbox? :'''Zag-RS''': Correct. The prevention of organic infection by elimination of organic matter and securing the Earth core system. Soon, this world will function without flaw. :'''Rex''': Van Kleiss! Change of plan! While, I've got Zaggy occupied, you go and warn Providence before it's too late! :'''Van Kleiss''': There's no time. Her strength is growing exponentially. To achieve victory, you must trust me. :'''Rex''': Trust you?! That's comedy gold! Even if I was that big of a doof, neither one of us had enough power to fight back! :'''Van Kleiss''': That's not entirely true. :'''Rex''': Huh? :'''Van Kleiss''': I've not been completely honest with you. :'''Rex''': Stunned-- Really. :'''Van Kleiss''': The Omega Nanite within you has a self-replicating program. You can create your own nanites. :'''Rex''': What?! Why didn't you tell me! :'''Van Kleiss''': A calculated emission. :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex''': No way. :'''Van Kleiss''': There-- That is the heart of Zag-RS. Strike while you can! :'''Rex''': Oh, yeah! Now we're talking! Normally, I don't fight girls, but this time I'll make... A big... giant... robot exception! :'''Dr. Holiday''': I found him, Six-- twenty kilometers northeast. There's a huge spike in trace selenium. :'''Six''': Charge all weapons. :'''Dr. Holiday''': The storm's starting to break. But please don't crash. :'''Rex''': YAAAH! :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex''': That's not fair! It worked in the movie! :''[Rex whimpers]'' :''[Rex groaning]'' :'''Rex''': AAAH! :'''Zag-RS''': You have miscalculated, human. The more nanites you replicate, the more energy you supply me. 7.5 seconds until I overtake your production. :''[Van Kleiss grunts]'' :'''Zag-RS''': 4.3 seconds. :'''Van Kleiss''': AAAAAAAAAH! :'''Rex''': YAAAAAAH! One psycho robot down, one supervillain to chicken! Finally! :'''Bobo''': What, you never heard the term "fashionably late"? :'''Dr. Holiday''': Your nanite-replicating function seems to be working well. Most of Zag-RS' alterations have been expunged. :'''Rex''': Meaning... What? :'''Bobo''': You ain't gonna wash away at high tide. :'''Caesar''': This is my design. :'''Rex''': Great-- My brother created Zag-RS. :'''Caesar''': Evidently. Though her evolution into some sort of sentient nanite-slayer is most curious. :'''Six''': Curious? :'''Rex''': What about what Van Kleiss said? :'''Caesar''': You mean I'm to blame for the original nanite event? Why don't we ask her? Wait! Interface protocols. Code designate Zag-RS. Respond. :'''Zag-RS''': Dr. Salazar. Good morning. How may I assist you? :'''Dr. Holiday''': Stand down, gentlemen. Zag-RS has been successfully rebooted. But her memory has been wiped clean. :'''Rex''': What? You got to be kidding me! :'''Caesar''': That's interesting. Hmm. Van Kleiss must have implemented a program dump before he left you. It's the only logical conclusion. :'''Rex''': Program dump? :'''Van Kleiss''': Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be. :'''Rex''': Great. So now all we've got is a lame decontamination program with a GPS lady's voice? :'''Caesar''': GPS lady? Hardly. :'''Rex:''' I was making a joke. :'''Caesar''': Don't you recognize it? When I programmed her, I wanted a voice that meant safety, protection, caring. Rex, this is our mother's voice. :'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' Mama? ===Night Falls=== : ''[Caesar's Pod Laboratory arrives at the town of Mexico City]'' : '''Rex:''' Are we there yet? ''[moving his legs and hugs his legs]'' All this futuristic technology and you never thought of adding a bathroom. ''[points at the monitor]'' City Hall! It must have a bathroom! Pull over-- Now! ''[Esteban writing some paperwork as the ground starts to rumble, He immediately ran outside looking at Caesar's research pod landing. The door opens and Rex finally made on solid ground.]'' Baño? : ''[Esteban awkwardly points the bathroom]'' : ''[Rex runs]'' : ''[The elevator in Research pod went up and then down with Caesar]'' : '''Esteban:''' Caesar. ¿Eres tú? : '''Caesar:''' ''[suspecting face]'' Esteban? : '''Esteban:''' It's Mayor Esteban now. : ''[Caesar laughs]'' : '''Caesar:''' Mayor? When you ran for class president, Maria Rodriguez got all the votes. : '''Esteban:''' She was smarter and much better-looking. And I see you're still building your crazy contraptions. What brings you back to town? : '''Caesar:''' To visit Abuela. It's a surprise. : '''Esteban:''' You don't want to go there. It's not the same as you remember. : ''[Rex righs]'' : '''Rex:''' ''[runs to the research pod]'' Okay, bro, let's go! ''[Rex went up to the lab]'' : ''[Esteban chuckling]'' : '''Esteban:''' ''[looking at Rex]'' Is that little Cabeza de Trapo? : ''[Caesar laughs]'' : '''Caesar:''' I haven't thought of that for years. ''[Caesar went up to the lab]'' : '''Rex:''' What? : '''Caesar:''' No es nada, mijo. We'd better get going. : '''Esteban:''' At least stay in town tonight. You can head up to abuela's in the morning. : '''Caesar:''' It's been over five years, Esteban. We're not waiting another minute. : ''[Door closes and Research pods departs]'' : '''Rex:''' If she's not really our grandmother, why are you calling her "abuela"? : '''Caesar:''' There may not be a biological connection, but she practically raised the entire town. When you were a boy, you spent every summer here. : ''[Rex stops and feels incomplete]'' : '''Rex:''' I wish I could remember her. Or any of this. : '''Caesar:''' I'm sure she'll be excited to see you. Just prepare yourself for a lot of sloppy grandma kisses. : ''[Caesar pats Rex's hair and keeps on moving]'' : ''[Rex knocks at the door, The door opens by Abuela]'' Abuela, it's me-- Caesar. : ''[The Salazar brothers show themselves while Caesar holds a Bouquet of flowers]'' : '''Abuela:''' Caesar! And is that my Cabeza de Trapo? : '''Rex:''' Why is everyone calling me that? : '''Abuela:''' What are you doing here? : '''Caesar:''' We've come to visit. May we come in? : '''Abuela:''' ''[Looks at the sky for a brief moment]'' No! ''[slams the door]'' : '''Rex:''' Maybe we should have called first. : ''[The Salazar brothers spend the night in the Research pod with Caesar sleeping at the floor and Rex sleeping on the table. Unintentionally the computer sets thte alarm causing Rex to wake up a bit.]'' : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex:''' Ten more minutes, Six. [''covers his ears with his pillow]'' : ''[Caesar opens the door and looks down, Seeing Abuela holding breakfast]'' : '''Abuela:''' Who wants breakfast? : ''[Rex immediately wakes up]'' : ''[Rex gasps]'' : '''Rex:''' Yo! : ''[Rex drops off the table]'' : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex:''' Ouch! : ''[After a few minutes, Rex picks up his breakfast]'' : '''Caesar:''' Abuela always was the best cook. : '''Abuela:''' I have missed my niños. ''[Puts her hand on Rex's shoulder]'' Rex, I have been following your work with Providence, and I always knew you would be a big important scientist. : '''Rex:''' So, why did you slam the door on us last night? : '''Abuela:''' Oh, that. You just caught me off guard. We weren't expecting visitors. : '''Rex:''' I thought you always-- : '''Caesar:''' Enough with the questions, little brother. : '''Abuela:''' Let me look at you. : ''[Abuela grabs Rex's face]' : '''Rex:''' Mmph! : '''Abuela:''' I can't believe how you have grown. Come, see-- The rest of the family. : '''Rex:''' Does everyone in town live here? : ''[Caesar chuckles]'' : '''Caesar:''' I remember evenings here, laughing, telling stories. And the food! Rex, if you thought breakfast was good, wait and see what abuela makes for dinner. : '''Abuela:''' It is an old building. There are always repairs. : '''Federico:''' Rex! : '''Rex:''' Huh? : ''[Rex chuckles nervously]'' : '''Rex:''' Uh... What's up? : '''Federico:''' It's me-- Federico. Have you forgotten the secret shake? : '''Abuela:''' You and Federico were best friends when you were little. : '''Caesar:''' Cabezas de trapo! : '''Rex:''' Why do you keep calling me that? : '''Caesar:''' You used to put underpants on your heads and act out Lucha Libre movies. : '''Rex:''' Glad I don't remember that. : '''Federico:''' Lucky you. : '''Esteban:''' Abuela, I must speak to you. : '''Abuela:''' Someone has forgotten his manners. : '''Esteban:''' You can't just keep avoiding me. My phone has been ringing off the hook. The village is concerned about the recent activity. : '''Abuela:''' Well, it shouldn't be. What goes on here is our own business. : '''Esteban:''' Not when it leaves these walls. The situation is getting worse. : '''Abuela:''' We've made the necessary corrections. It won't happen again. : '''Esteban:''' You got one last chance to get out of town. Or I will evict you myself. : '''Abuela:''' An old squabble. You don't need to worry. : '''Caesar:''' What aren't you telling us, abuela? : '''Abuela:''' Time to start making dinner. : '''Rex:''' Dinner? We just had breakfast. : ''[Caesar chuckles]'' : '''Caesar:''' Trust me. ''[Stands up with his glass]'' To family! : '''Rex:''' Is it like this every night? : '''Federico:''' Pretty much. : ''[Rex chuckling]'' : ''[The kid kicks the ball high, Frederico stands up and catch the ball and dribbled. Rex was impress.]'' : '''Rex:''' Hey. You're pretty good. Everything about going pro? : ''[Frederico drops the ball, awkward silence]'' : '''Federico:''' Not anymore. : ''[Rex picks up the ball, kicks it. The ball lands on the table splashing the food all around, everyones laughting. The bell rings and everyone starts going away.]'' : '''Rex:''' Okay, maybe not my best move, but it wasn't that bad. : '''Abuela:''' Come, children! : ''[Caesar and Rex follows Abuela to their room]'' You'll sleep here. : ''[Rex notices Frederico]'' : '''Federico:''' See you in the morning. : ''[Frederico darkly walks into he's room. Rex enters in his. In the room Caesar's unpacking, Rex looks around. Suddently Abuela locks the door.]'' : '''Rex:''' ''[to Caesar]'' Did she just lock us in? :''[Rex tries to open the door, fails]'' She just locked us in! : '''Caesar:''' We need to respect our elders. I'm sure she had her reasons. ''[Rex walks to window, Caesar's trying the new bed.]'' Ooh! Bed's pretty comfy. Good night! : '''Rex:''' But-- but... It's only 6:30! : ''[Night, suddently a roar is heard. Rex and Caesar wakes up.]'' : ''[Rex gasps]'' : '''Rex:''' Sure, that's not weird, either! : ''[Mayor's office, the phone start's ringing.Esteban picks up.]'' : '''Esteban:''' Bueno. I'm glad you cloud return my call. I understand you can help me with my EVO problem. : ''[Salazar's room. Rex and Ceasar already dressed.]'' : '''Rex:''' Frederico? That's his room behind here! : ''[Caesar grunts]'' : ''[Caesar pull's the door, they are still locked.]'' : '''Caesar:''' ''[to Rex]'' Can you break it down? : '''Rex:''' How about respecting our elders? : '''Caesar:''' Technically, I am your elder. Brake it down! : '''Rex:''' I'll do one better! Hunh! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Forms Smack hands and punches trought the wall, making a hole that reveals Frederico's room.]'' : '''Rex:''' This place is just full of surprises. Okay, fur face, if you ate my friend-- : '''Caesar:''' Rex! Wait! : '''Abuela:''' There has been a breach! Where is Rex? : '''Caesar:''' I suspect halfway down the hill by now. Abuela-- : '''Abuela:''' I know. : '''Rex:''' Whoa-- Unh! : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex:''' AAAAH! Whoa! Unh! UAAAAGH! This is for Federico! : '''Abuela:''' Rex! No! That is Federico! : '''Federico:''' Are those your hands? Genial. I got out again, didn't I? : '''Rex:''' So, you're like a were-EVO? : '''Caesar:''' Lux Lucius Mutatio. Interesting. : '''Abuela:''' Come-- We've got to get back to the house. : '''Esteban:''' I told you this would happen! You can't control them anymore! : '''Rex:''' It wasn't her. It was me. I let them out. I didn't know. : '''Esteban:''' All these EVOs! : '''Abuela:''' They're just boys. : '''Esteban:''' Look at the destruction your boys caused! The people are tired of living in fear! You'll be leaving today! : '''Rex:''' I'm sorry, abuela. I had no idea. And now you have to leave because of me. : '''Abuela:''' I'm not going anywhere! : '''Federico:''' We turn at sundown and then back at sunrise. It only happens to some of us. : '''Caesar:''' I took samples from all of the affected family members. Everyone shares the same genetic code-- something similar to hypotrichosis. : '''Rex:''' Hyper, huh? : '''Caesar:''' Werewolf syndrome. The nanites triggered the dormant gene. : '''Federico:''' Can you cure it? : '''Rex:''' I can try. Strange. I don't feel anything. Do you? : '''Federico:''' Thanks anyway. : '''Caesar:''' I'm seeing no active nanite tracers whatsoever. : '''Rex:''' Well, maybe it's because he's not an EVO form. : '''Federico:''' I just want a normal life again. I don't want to have to leave my home. : '''Caesar:''' Maybe there's a way you can have both. : '''Rex:''' Sorry about the wall. Why didn't you tell us? : '''Abuela:''' Because I didn't want Providence to know. : '''Rex:''' But Providence can help. : '''Abuela:''' By taking those afflicted away? No. Every night when the bell pulls, those that have the change are locked away safely. For years it has been this way and no one has been hurt. : '''Rex:''' But-- You're prisoners in your own home. : '''Abuela:''' You may see it that way, niño. But at least we are a family. : '''Federico:''' You know-- Even though we got busted today, it was kind of fun to get out. : '''Rex:''' Don't you ever feel cooped up in here? : '''Federico:''' There is one thing I missed. Go-o-o-o-al! : '''Rex:''' Why did you stop playing if you love it so much? : '''Federico:''' One day during practice, I stayed late so some scouts could see me play. Sun went down, and, well... They made me quit the league after that. Still haven't replaced the go box. : ''[Federico chuckles]'' : '''Federico:''' Is that Providence? : '''Rex:''' I don't know who it is. : '''Federico:''' We should probably get back. It's almost evening bell. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Rex. : '''Federico:''' That guy just shot my ball! : '''Rex:''' Oh, this is just perfect. Hunter Cane he has a thing for hunting down EVOs I already put him away once. : '''Federico:''' So, what's he doing here? : '''Rex:''' Guessing your mayor called him. : '''Federico:''' No, I mean did, he break out or something? : '''Rex:''' Don't know. Don't care. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Why am I not surprised? This one of them? : '''Rex:''' Bringing this guy here was a bad move. : '''Hunter Cain:''' For them? And I get to settle an old score while I'm at it. Lucky me. : '''Rex:''' No-- Lucky me! : '''Federico:''' Rex, we've gotta go. : '''Rex:''' You don't have to worry. This guy has nothing to sweat. : '''Federico:''' Now! : '''Hunter Cain:''' Well, what do we have here? : ''[Hunter Cain grunts]'' : '''Hunter Cain:''' Esteban, my friend, I may not even charge you for this one. : '''Rex:''' The mayor wasn't kidding. He sent an EVO hunter who likes to shoot first and skip the questions. We'll need every man, woman, and werewolf. : '''Esteban:''' You were warned, abuela. You can live peacefully or we will bring you out. : '''Hunter Cain:''' I didn't come here for conversation. : '''Esteban:''' But you said it would just be a show of force. We run them out of town. No one gets hurt. : '''Hunter Cain:''' I don't negotiate with EVOs or their families. If you don't like what you're about to see, you can head on down the hill. : '''Rex:''' Why don't you join them, hunter? : '''Hunter Cain:''' I never back down from a fight. : '''Rex:''' Neither do I. You bring your magic EVO bullets, or is this going to be a real fight? : '''Hunter Cain:''' Lucky for you, these are the old-fashioned kind. But they hurt just as bad. : '''Rex:''' Yeah, that is kind of annoying. : '''Caesar:''' Just hours ago, there wasn't any nanite activity. But now, it's like night and day. : ''[Caesar laughs]'' : '''Caesar:''' That was my little pun. It seems the samples are reacting differently in the absence of sunlight. If I can only work out the photoreactive elements-- : '''Rex:''' I don't even think a cure will stop Hunter Cain. He'll never listen to reason. : '''Caesar:''' I still gotta try. I think I can affect the change in the nanite programming during your nocturnal cycle. If I'm gonna cure this, I have to do it before sunrise. : '''Rex:''' Not a Hunter gets to them first. I can keep doing this till you run out of ammo. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Fire on target! : '''Rex:''' AAAAAAAH! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex:''' Note to self-- Don't give him any ideas. You have to let them out! : '''Abuela:''' I made a promise to keep them safe from harm! : '''Rex:''' Where they can't defend themselves? That's exactly what won't happen! : '''Hunter Cain:''' Grandma, step aside. : '''Abuela:''' I stand with my family. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Have it your way. I'll take all of you down. : '''Abuela:''' You obviously haven't met my family. : '''Rex:''' Can't believe we're not related. So, what was your big jail break? Nail pile and a cake? Exploding smoke bomb? : '''Hunter Cain:''' Cold, hard cash. Not everyone at Providence is an EVO-lover. : '''Caesar:''' Huh? Yes! Rex, we can reprogram the nanites to disregard the photoreactive coding of their DNA with a frequency-tuned pulse! That should allow you to cure them! : '''Rex:''' Sounds great, but I've sort of got my hands full. Unh! : '''Caesar:''' You mess with my brother, you mess with me. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Who are you? You an EVO? : '''Caesar:''' No. I'm a scientist. : '''Hunter Cain:''' AAAAH! : '''Caesar:''' Your turn. : '''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa-ho! Wait! I thought you said you had to zap their nanites. : '''Caesar:''' In a manner of speaking. First, I zap you. Then, you have your nanites through do the rest. : '''Rex:''' AAAH! : '''Caesar:''' Too strong. I'll make an adjustment. : '''Rex:''' Adjustment? How about you wait for me to say "okay" next time? You're still here? : '''Hunter Cain:''' When I said I was out of the disintegrator ammo, I lied. One left, and it has your name on it. : '''Rex:''' Federico, I'm not sure if you can understand me, but it might be time for the return of Las Cabezas de Trapo. : '''Caesar:''' I think I've got the settings figured out. : '''Rex:''' You think? AAAH! : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Caesar:''' That's more like it. : '''Rex:''' ''[Woozily]'' Okay. Let's give it a try. I'm not trying to hurt you. : '''Abuela:''' Federico, mi corazoncito. Let him try. : '''Rex:''' Maybe we have to wait for a sunrise. We- We made it worse. Now we stuck that way! : '''Federico:''' It isn't him-- It's me. I can control it now! : '''Hunter Cain:''' Doesn't change a thing to me. He's still an EVO. I'm gonna finish the job I came here to do. I'll wipe out the whole compound if I have to. : '''Abuela:''' There is no place for your kind of hatred here! : '''Hunter Cain:''' You think I'm afraid of you? : '''Rex:''' I think you should be. : ''[Hunter Cain spits]'' : '''Rex:''' Hunter knows how to hold a grudge. He'll come back. : '''Federico:''' And we'll be waiting. : '''Rex:''' So, this mean you're gonna try out for the pros? : '''Abuela:''' I think it's time we all go out and live our lives. : '''Rex:''' La familia! : '''Caesar:''' Cabezas de trapo! ===Hard Target=== : '''Rex:''' "It's Breach! She's-" : '''Circe:''' "Messing with you, Rex. Did you actually see on her the other side?" : '''Rex:''' "Well, no but...OK, why Hong Kong?" : '''Circe:''' "Because it's on the other side of the world, because she's seriously messed up." : '''Cricket:'''" Kind of like our place." : '''Circe:''' "Trust me. She's back in Abysus laughing it off with the rest of the Pack. Besides, I'm not that easy to find." : (''Removes the white towel to reveal her shoulder-length black hair partly dyed a deep plum and having donned a dark gray overall dress'') : '''Rex:''' "OK, Rex. Bad intro. Take a do-over. Like the new look." : '''Circe:''' "Wow. A compliment." <hr width80%> :'''Skywdd:''' "And that's when Circe goes all [[w:Siren (mythology)|siren]] and blasts the bus driver's pants clean off." :'''Circe:''' "Lucky shot. Hit the exact frequency of polyester." :'''Tuck:''' "Good thing his boxers were cotton." :'''Rex''' (''uncomfortable'')''':''' "Good one. Uh, Circe, remember when you took down that sea monster in Cabo Luna?" :'''Circe:''' "Please, Rex, I'd rather not remember that right now." :'''Skywdd:''' Geez, Rex. Buzzkill." <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' "Stop it." :'''Skywdd:''' "What's with him?" :'''Circe:''' "Breach lag. Let clean over his bedtime." :'''Rex:''' "That and my early morning snooze. By the way, you were right. Breach wasn't after you. She freed Quarry. Got this from the Providence security feed." :'''Skywdd:''' "Quarry?" :'''Tuck:''' "He's lose?" :'''Cricket:''' "Oh no." :'''Circe:''' "You saw Breach and came back ''here!'' What if she followed you!?" :'''Rex:''' "Don't worry. If Breach were here, I'd feel it. She's here." <hr width80%> : '''Breach:''' "Hey, girlfriend." : '''Circe:''' "Get out of here, Breach!" : '''Breach:''' "But Van Kleiss has so been wanting to chat." : '''Circe:''' "Then deliver a message for him! " : (''Uses her ultrasonic bursts on Breach, who creates a portal behind her, knocking her out with her own sonic abilities)'' : '''Rex:''' "Let her go, Breach!!" : '''Breach:''' "Oh, sorry, Rex. She's gonna save my skin. V.K.'s tough on failure, remember?" : (''Teleports away with an unconscious Circe on her shoulder'') : '''Rex:''' "NO!!" <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' "Hold that thought. You can come out now. I got that creeped out feeling." :'''Breach:''' "Peek a boo." : '''Skwydd:''' "It's her!'' She took Circe." : '''Rex:''' But not to Van Kleiss. You never went to Abysus, did you? You slipped her into your little pocket dimension. Let her go, Breach! : '''Breach:''' And I agree to that...why? : '''Rex:''' "Because you wouldn't want Van Kleiss to see this. I'm thinking a trade is in order." : (''Breach releases Circe, who is caught by Skwydd'') : '''Circe:''' "I hate you, Breach." ===A Family Holiday=== :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The pace of study has been staggeringly slow. There have been no significant advancements in nanite research since the original event. Simply put, Providence is not doing enough. What is required is not a military response, but a serious, thoughtful reaction, a scientific answer. The poor and afflicted deserve more. The world, deserves more. Let me introduce Diane. Mother of three. Diane has been diagnosed as incurable, a lost cause. Since then, she's been treated like an animal, locked away from her family... No hope on the horizon. Until now. At Moses Labs, we don't rely on tanks, guns, or secret weapons-- Only an unwavering belief that whatever science breaks, science can fix. Welcome back, Diane. :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Happy birthday, little sister. :'''Rex:''' Hope that I paid the bills. This is going to be expensive. :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Caesar:''' Release the hounds. :''[a door opens revealing some Evo hounds]'' :'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa! :'''Bobo Haha:''' Heh! I thought that was just a figure of speech. You're a sick puppy. :'''Rex:''' Aah! Not cool, bro! :''[Rex panting]'' :'''Rex:''' ''[Spanish accent]'' Agua, por favor. :'''Caesar:''' Water second, probes first. :'''Rex:''' No offense, but being a guinea pig is a lot less fun when it's you instead of Holiday. :'''Caesar:''' Don't I run the biometric tests with the same efficiency? :'''Rex:''' How are we related? Have you looked at Holiday? :'''Bobo Haha:''' She ain't my species and even I know she's a hottie. :'''Caesar:''' She is... very smart. :'''Rex:''' Where is the Doc anyway? She usually can't wait to get her hands on me. :'''Bobo Haha:''' Saw her this morning, looking pretty grim. :'''Agent Six:''' It's her sister. Her sister's birthday to be precise. Holiday gets introspective this time of year. :'''Caesar:''' Her sister? Oh, is she smart too? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hey guys. Can't talk. Hangar! :'''Bobo Haha:''' Ah, human dames. I don't know how you guys keep up. :''[Dr. Holiday pants]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Thank you for coming, Dr. Moses. It's a genuine honor. :'''Rex:''' Who the heck is that guy? Why is Holiday acting all fangirl around him? :'''Caesar:''' It's Dr. Brandon Moses, the leading researcher in technogenic transmorphing! If anyone's going to develop a kill for EVOs, it's going to be him! :'''Bobo Haha:''' Now, that's actin' fan-girl. :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Not the worst I've seen. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can you help her? :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Beverly would be an excellent candidate for my treatments. Have her transported to my facility. :'''Rex:''' Hold up! I know you have a bunch of letters after your name, but curing EVOs is what I do. Some of them-- :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Some you just can't handle, Rex. Dr. Moses' research goes to places you don't, so if you don't mind-- 10 minutes, then we'll be in the air. Thank you, doctor. I've earned 5 years' worth of personal time, Knight. I plan to use it all. :'''White Knight:''' I don't like it, but I like your sister even less. Go for your "cure", Holiday. But if it doesn't work, don't bring her back. :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Agent Six:''' What do you really know about Dr. Moses? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what I saw. :'''Agent Six:''' You're not taking her to the doctor for a checkup. Has he handed you supporting data? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Why won't you let me have this? It's the first glimmer of hope I've had since Rex got here. :'''Agent Six''': I think you've lost your objectivity. If you can't help her-- :'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's the point! I can't! I need this cure. If you won't help me, stay out of my way! :'''Rex:''' Any chance she's right? :'''Agent Six:''' Hope she is. :'''Rex:''' But we're not going to sit around and do nothing in case she's wrong, right? Today you're my sidekick-- Not a fashion-challenged soccer mom blocking my mojo. If there's any chance of playing hero for Holiday, I call dibs. :'''Security guard:''' Dr. Moses' inventions are not for public viewing-- Especially not by Providence. :''[Security guard grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' That "soccer mom" comment really got to you, huh? When did science geeks start packing heat? Huh? :'''Agent Six:''' Check the machine. :'''Rex:''' I'm no engineer, but as far as I can tell, all this thing does is light up and go "ping". They never cured it! This was a scam! :'''Agent Six:''' Holiday's in trouble. Holiday, Moses is a fraud. There is no cure! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' What's going on here? Moses, what is this? :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Business, Dr. Holiday-- Big business. Now, if you wouldn't mind stepping aside so I can collect your sister-- :'''Agent Six:''' Holiday?! What's happening?! :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Or don't step aside. I'm good either way. :'''Agent Six:''' Holiday! We've got our coordinates. Go! :'''Rex:''' It's a hundred miles away! :'''Agent Six:''' Correct. :'''Rex:''' Hold on to your swords, old man! :''[Dr. Holiday grunts]:'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I trusted you! :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' A bad trait, a scientist. But look on the bright side-- You won't be locked in a cell anymore. That was just... Shameful. :'''Rex:''' Be the hero. Be the hero. Be the-- :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' ...Zero. You'll be a lot less grouchy in a few seconds, pal. Half cured? That's new. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' They've got Beverly. :'''Rex:''' You wanna talk to her? :'''Agent Six:''' Now's not the time. :'''Rex:''' And when exactly is. She needs a friend, Six. :'''Agent Six:''' I... prefer to keep it professional. Keeps people from getting hurt. :'''Rex:''' Dude. Take off the sunglasses. She's already hurting. If I were you-- :''[Six gets a radio signal]'' :'''Agent Six:''' If you were me, you'd have a lead. Get Holiday. Dust off in 3. :'''Rex:''' Where are we going? :'''Agent Six:''' Moses may be a genius but not because he can cure EVOs. He overpowers them-- Hypercharges the nanites with excess energy to push their transformations. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's why Rex only partially cured that EVO he stripped the EVO of its extra power. But at its core, it was still incurable. :'''Rex:''' We learned something new today. Great. :'''Agent Six:''' Gets worse. Moses has turned his tech into a cottage industry. He takes incurables and weaponizes them to sell to the highest bidder. :'''Rex:''' Don't sugarcoat it, Six. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you find this out? :'''Agent Six:''' I called some former associates-- People who know things, things that good people shouldn't know about. :'''White Knight:''' Question-- Why is my keep on an unapproved mission? :'''Rex:''' It's cool, Knight. We're helping Holiday. :'''White Knight:''' No! We had a deal! Return to base immediately! :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's over guys. I can't drag you down because of my mistake. I won't. :'''Agent Six:''' Keep returning to base. :''[Knight ends the transmission]'' :'''Agent Six:''' I said the keep is returning to base. I didn't say we'd be on the keep. :'''Rex:''' You okay? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hanging in there. :'''Rex:''' Hanging in there is good. I don't like to see you unhappy, you know. I-I mean-- :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what you mean. Thanks. :'''Agent Six:''' Better luck next time. :''[Rex gasps]'' :'''Rex:''' Jealous much, sidekick? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Who is that? :'''Rex:''' Someone who knows things good people shouldn't. :'''Five:''' Machine boy! Like the new ax? You owe me for the last one. :'''Agent Six:''' We'll talk music later, Five. You have word on Moses? :'''Five:''' Five don't lie. Your guy is running an auction-- Tonight. :'''Agent Six:''' I owe you. :'''Five:''' She's a lot more beautiful than you let on, Six. Try not to screw it up this time. :'''Agent Six:''' You coming? :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The EVO is the military ordinance of the future. We all know it. You drop one of these babies into your neighbor's backyard, and it's game over. But to get the most annihilation out of your nanites... you need me. :'''Human EVO:''' You promised to cure! :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' My technology not only amps up their abilities, but, for an extra charge, will modify their behavior to suit your needs. What am I bid for this army of one? :'''Agent Six:''' ''[Bursting in]'' I'll open with extradition for crimes against humanity! :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to his bidders]'' Wait! This is just a minor disturbance. :''[Moses groans]'' :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to Holiday]'' Do you know what you just cost me, all for one hopless wreck?! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday hits Moses]'' Her name is Beverly. :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Then give sissy a hug. :'''Dr Holiday:''' No! Don't hurt her, Rex! :'''Rex:''' Yeah, sure. Handle with care. Whoa! Can you tell her that, too? :'''Agent Six:''' Going nowhere? :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Uh, let's not be ''[chuckling]'' rash. :''[Holiday slaps Moses]'' :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I'm gonna have to get you a dictionary. Rash will not help anyone, especially not Beverly. :''[Holiday grabs Moses]'' :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Who can still be cured. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday drops Moses]'' What? :'''Agent Six:''' ''[Brandishing his swords]'' No games. Truth or dead. :'''Rex:''' Fight still going! Need assistance! Big time! Whoa! :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I did invent a machine that de-powered nanites, almost. But the bonds and nanite particles were too strong to break. Instead, I discovered that I could reverse the polarity to its maximum, overpowering the nanites. It's easier and-- Profitable. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' But you did isolate the bonds? So, you can break them! :'''Agent Six:''' Holiday! :'''Rex:''' Whoa! Ugh! Unh! Okay, I called hero, but I need some extra kick for my sidekick! Unh! Seriously! :'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Time to earn a return on my investments! Kill them all! :'''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! :'''White Knight:''' I won't even bother telling you the trouble you're in. Catch those other EVOs and report to my office the moment you're back. :'''Rex:''' What other EVO-O-O-O-Os? :''[Rex turns around and notices the EVOs behind him]'' :'''Rex:''' Ooos? :'''Rex:''' Think they got it? :'''Agent Six:''' They'd better. We're busy. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Okay. That's the flux transponder. That's the nanite energizer. Don't you explode on me-- Not now. Aah! :'''Rex:''' I'll hand the one crazed sister. You take the other. It'll be like a double date. Don't bother... your sister... while she's working! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I can see what he did, but... uh... there's no time! I can't-- I can't help her! It's over. :'''Agent Six:''' Holiday-- Rebecca-- You are the strongest, smartest woman I have ever met, and the most stubborn. :''[Six removes his glasses and looks her in the eyes]'' :'''Agent Six:''' You never give up. If there's a way to help your sister, find it-- now! :''[Slight pause. Holiday smiles and puts Six's glasses back on his face then leaves]'' :'''Agent Six:''' That's my girl. New plan. Corral her to the machine. :'''Rex:''' Plans are good! Yah! What you got, Doc? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Moses was right. The polarity of the nanite energizer is wrong! I have to amplify and reverse it. But I don't have-- Six... Your magna blades-- But it would be too dangerous. Six! :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six! :'''Agent Six:''' Is it working? :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's working. :'''Rex:''' Six, get out of there! :'''Agent Six:''' You called hero on this one, Rex! Finish it-- For her! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Get them out, Rex-- Both of them-- Now! :''[Dr. Holiday gasps]'' :'''Rex:''' Doc! You gotta see this! :''[Dr. Holiday panting]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[as she's trying to revive Six]'' Don't you do this to me! I will hate you forever if you-- :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :''[Six coughs]'' :'''Beverly:''' Rebecca? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Beverly! :'''Rex:''' That was... I'm... Wow! Six, I've never said it before and I'll probably never say it again, but... I'm honored to be your partner. :'''Bobo Haha:''' Mushy stuff? Oh! Glad I missed it. :'''Rex:''' But don't ever do anything like that again. :'''Agent Six:''' Agreed. But you have to admit though... It was worth it. :''[Dr. Holiday and Beverly laughs]'' :'''White Knight:''' We're not running a boarding house here. No more relatives. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need her for a few more tests, sir. She was only 13 when she went Evo, and she's in a fragile state. :'''Beverly:''' Woo Hoo! :''[Beverly laughing]'' :'''Beverly:''' Rex just took me on a ride through the Zoo on his cycle. :'''White Knight:''' "Fragile." Right. :'''Rex:''' We're going to the mall. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Are you asking permission? :'''Rex:''' No. I'm asking if we can have some money. Providence pays me nada. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can I have a word with you? :'''Agent Six:''' Sure this is a good idea? Could ruin your hero status with Holiday. :'''Rex:''' It's funny. After meeting Bev, out of nowhere, it hit me that Doc Holiday is just a little too old for me. So, since I'm out of the way, I guess there's nothing stopping you anymore, huh, "hero"? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Well... right. I guess... I'll set up those tests. :''[Holiday starts to walk past Six. Six takes a hold of her hand]'' :'''Agent Six:''' Or... we could get some dinner. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Outside? In the real world? Like real people? Like a-- :'''Agent Six:''' Yes. Like a date. :''[Dr. Holiday gasps]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's about time. ===Hong Kong Nights=== ===Whispers in the Dark=== ===Cutting It Close=== ===Exposed=== :'''White Knight''': All Providence personnel, this is a priority-one alert. :'''Agent Six''': Do not panic. Remember your training. :'''White Knight''': In all my years of working at Providence, never have I been put in such a situation. These interlopes could be anywhere at any given moment. :'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, what's all the-- Whoa! Sorry. We're late. :'''Bobo Haha''': You can't prove a thing! :'''White Knight''': Watch what you say. Watch what you do. The very future of Providence may depend upon it. :'''Rex Salazar''': So, what's going on? Van Kleiss attack in the HQ again? :'''Agent Six''': Worse. :'''Diane Farrah:''' I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions. And to find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long. :'''Rex Salazar''': Aah. :'''Diane Farrah''': All your questions are about to be answered. Welcome to Providence Exposed! ''[Camera closes-up on her face]'' On Ultimate Exposure! And cut. Great into, guys. Okay, moving on. :'''Rex Salazar''': This is cool. :'''Agent Six''': This is wrong. :'''Rex Salazar''': How's my hair? :'''Bobo Haha''': Delicious. :'''White Knight''': Ladies and gentlemen, the delightful Miss Farrah and her crew have used the Freedom of Information Act to force. :''[White Knight clears his throat]'' :'''White Knight''': To allow them access to a day in the life of Providence. And to ensure you are afforded the very best Providence has to offer, I'm assigning our top man as your personal guide. :''[Rex moves towards the news team]'' :'''White Knight''': Six, please show Miss Farrah whatever she wants to see. :'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name. On behalf of Providence, I'd like to welcome you to our facility. :'''Diane Farrah''': Spare me the small talk. I'm here to ask the tough questions, and I expect truthful answers. :'''Agent Six''': Shoot. :'''Diane Farrah''': So.. is there a Mrs. Six? :''[Combs her hair]'' :'''Bobo Haha''': Smooth. :'''Rex Salazar''': Like you'd have done better. :'''Bobo Haha''': Are you kidding? They want exposed. I'm going to give that reporter a piece of my mind and a few other pieces while I'm at it. I got stories that'll make them run screaming for the hills. :''[Bobo Haha laughs]'' :'''Agent Six''': If you'll follow me, I'll be happy to show you one of our nanite research labs up close and personal. EVO control is our primary area of concentration, but Providence is focused on a great many studies. Each employing the best and the brightest our planet has to offer. :'''Rex Salazar''': Thanks, Six. You know, this is my brother's lab. He's only like the smartest guy in the entire world. Yeah, being the best at what we do totally runs in our family. :'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time. :'''Agent Six''': That experiment is highly sensitive. :'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, how did you become a Providence agent? :'''Agent Six''': That's also highly sensitive. :'''Rex Salazar''': Amazing story though about how I became a Providence agent. See, there was this big accident. :'''Dr. Holiday''': Good morning. My name is Dr. Rebecca Holiday, And I'm the chief research officer for the Providence Laboratory Facilities - specializing in the study of evology. Providence's number one priority is the security of our planet. And through the studying and understanding the forces that threaten us-- :'''Diane Farrah''': Let's cut to the chase, shall we, doctor? :'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, um, okay. :'''Diane Farrah''': How do you balance the threat of EVOs, the constant danger... with being a woman? :'''Dr. Holiday''': Uh. :''[Dr. Holiday laughs nervously]'' :'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, excuse me. :'''Rex Salazar''': Speaking of studying, check this out. You can edit that, right? :'''Diane Farrah''': We're all about the editing. :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, maybe you could show these journalists some of your other duties, like what you're supposed to be doing right now, for instance. :'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, man. That's right. Come on. You're going to love this. :'''Diane Farrah''': EVOs come from far and wide for a chance to be cured by this young man. How often do you do this? :'''Rex Salazar''': At least once a week here at HQ. When I'm in other parts of the county or the world, Providence sets up a mobile cure station. There are a lot of people out there who need my help. I only wish I could get to them all. Wait. Um, let my try again. ''[after Rex can't cure an EVO]'' Shut it off. :'''Diane Farrah''': But this is really good drama, Rex. :'''Rex Salazar''': I asked to be on TV. They didn't. Please give these people their privacy. :'''Bobo Haha''': Come on, buddy. Everybody has an off day. :'''Rex Salazar''': In front of millions of viewers? So much for everyone's favorite Providence man of mystery. :'''Bobo Haha''': Well, they're just lucky they haven't had the camera on me yet. Oh man, talk about Ultimate Exposure. When I get through with them-- :'''Rex Salazar''': I just wish I could look cool on camera somehow. :'''Bobo Haha''': Phbt! Good luck. The only way that's going to happen now is if some experimental EVOs busted out of their cages and went on a rampage so you could round them up and look like a hero. :'''Diane Farrah''': Providence isn't known for being forthcoming with information. I hope this interview will change that. The people want answers and I fully expect them from you. :'''White Knight''': Very well. What do you want to know? :'''Diane Farrah''': For starters, how do you get fresh milk without any nanites in it? :'''White Knight''': If you must know, it's passed through a powerful magnet that removes and neutralizes any nanite activity. :'''Agent Six''': Observe. :''[White Knight smacks lips]'' :'''White Knight''': Anything else? :'''Diane Farrah''': Not at the moment, but I'll be back. :'''White Knight''': I look forward to it. :''[White Knight sips]'' :'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, what do you think about White Knight's obsession with staying nanite-free at the expense of human contact? :'''Agent Six''': He's a man of many mysteries. :'''Rex Salazar''': Look out! Coming through! Dangerous escaped EVOs on the loose! Stand back! Let a professional handle this! :'''Diane Farrah''': Follow him. :'''Rex Salazar''': Yeah, I'm kind of awesome. :'''Bobo Haha''': Did you get them all? :'''Rex Salazar''': How many did you release? :'''Bobo Haha''': I don't know, three or four. :'''Rex Salazar''': Well, which was it? Three or four? :''[Rex Salazar gasps]'' :'''Agent Six''': Well then. Now that Rex's little demonstration is over, how about a visit to the Providence gift shop? On me. :'''Diane Farrah''': How long has Providence had a gift shop? :'''Agent Six''': Since 8:00 A.M. You want to tell me how a class by EVO got out of its electromagnetically-sealed container and just happened to cross paths with our tour? :'''Rex Salazar''': It's not like this kind of thing doesn't happen here all the time. I just wanted it to happen this time, in front of the camera, all right? :'''Agent Six''': Not all right. That last EVO-- You just helped it molt so it could grow. Its body is still out there somewhere, getting bigger. :'''White Knight''': Providence is run like a finely tuned machine. Until you decide to throw a monkey wrench into the works. :'''Bobo Haha''': Hey, pal, let's leave the comedy to me. :'''White Knight''': And how is it exactly that these EVOs got out? :'''Bobo Haha''': Okay, Mea Culpa. I may have accidentally knocked open a cage or two-- Or four. :'''Dr. Holiday''': That fourth cage was electromagnetically sealed. :'''Bobo Haha''': I didn't say it was easy. :'''Dr. Holiday''': The EVO we had contained in there feeds on electricity. It must be kept away from any electrical current. :'''Rex Salazar''': Then it sure is a good thing this whole place isn't full of electricity. Oh, wait. :'''White Knight''': Find it. Subdue it. And most importantly, don't let that camera crew see it. :'''Bobo Haha''': Eh, were wastin' time hunting this thing down when I could be on camera right now, giving those people a piece of my mind. :'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, I only saw the EVOs empty husk before. What's the real thing look like anyway? Huh? :'''Bobo Haha''': That. :''[Rex Salazar grunts]'' :''[Rex Salazar grunting]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Any suggestions? :'''Bobo Haha''': Can you make a soccer net? :''[Rex Salazar and Bobo Haha grunts]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Aha! Got you cornered now. There's no way out. You're overpowered. :'''Bobo Haha''': You were saying? :'''Agent Six''': You wanted to interview me. Now's your chance. Go. :'''Diane Farrah''': Um... okay. Tell me, Six-- May I call you Six?-- What is the real truth behind the nanite event that created the EVOs? :'''Agent Six''': That's classified. :'''Diane Farrah''': What is your role, if any, in that event? :'''Agent Six''': That's classified, too. :'''Diane Farrah''': Are you always this talkative? :'''Agent Six''': No comment. :''[Rex Salazar grunts]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Wait. Let me do that again. You didn't get my good side. Which is my good side? :'''Bobo Haha''': Your backside. :'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, you promised you were taking us to the heart of the operation. :'''Agent Six''': Right. The heart of the operation. This way. :'''Dr. Holiday''': [Watching from a monitor] It went right. :''[Rex goes to his right. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday''': Camera right! :''[Rex goes to the camera's right]'' :'''Dr. Holiday''': How can you miss it now? It's six feet in diameter and weighs five hundred pounds! :'''Rex Salazar''': Less criticizing, more helping! :'''Dr. Holiday''': Try to steer it in the direction of Hallway twelve. We can isolate it in the atrium. :'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, we've got it contained there now. :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': No, sorry. I was reading that backwards. Hallway twenty one. :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, Hallway twenty one leads to the central core! :'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, so, no big deal. That's a cold-fission reactor, not electric, right? :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, all electricity is converted from something-- Wind, solar, hydro-- At the central core! :'''Rex Salazar''': Ohh. :''[Providence Agent screams]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Uh-hoh. :'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, listen carefully and do exactly as I say because we're only going to get one shot at this. :'''Diane Farrah''': One shot at what, doctor? :'''Dr. Holiday''': The... future. Providence is the future. The future used to be the space program. Now the future is Providence and the science of EVOs. :'''Rex Salazar''': Doc? Are you still there? We have a situation. :'''Agent Six''': Just a minor downgrade of power during a routine relay check. Nothing to worry about. :'''Rex Salazar''': Guys, I could really use some advice right about now! :''[Rex Salazar grunts]'' :'''White Knight''': Attention all Providence Personnel, we have a Level-One Priority... :''[Realizes the reporters are present]'' :'''White Knight''': Drill. Repeat-- This is our daily drill in the Central Core-- Now. :'''Agent Six''': Lunch bell. It's taco day. Anyone hungry? :'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, while we appreciate the commemorative spoons and the tacos, I can't help but think that you've been hiding something from our viewers. :'''Agent Six''': Not at all, ma'am. Providence is an open book. :''[Rex Salazar screams]'' :'''Diane Farrah''': Cut! You're ruining the shot, Rex. Just be patient. I will get to you-- I promise. :''[Rex Salazar groans]'' :'''Agent Six''': Get down. :''[Diane Farrah gasps]'' :'''Diane Farrah''': That was... what you did. :'''Agent Six''': Just doing my job, ma'am. :'''Rex Salazar''': And I'm just doing mine! :''[Rex Salazar grunts]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': You're not going anywhere now, buddy, except back to your-- Cage? :'''White Knight''': We hope that you and the Ultimate Exposure team are enjoying our EVO containment demonstration, Miss Farrah. All part of readiness training here at Providence. :'''Diane Farrah''': Can I quote you on that? :'''White Knight''': Miss Farah, I'm not gonna stop you from filming, but for your own safety and the safety of your crew, please step back and let my people do what they do best. Alpha Team, I need a containment of the cafeteria, cube formation. Fire! Rex. :'''Rex Salazar''': I'm on it. :'''Agent Six''': Stay here. This is the real deal. :'''Diane Farrah''': Not on your life. Find an elevator. We're missing it. :'''Caesar Salazar''': Still not a good ti-i-i-i-i-me! :'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, big boy. No more crawl spaces. No more Hallways. Just you and me in a big, old hangar bay mano y mano. :''[Rex Salazar grunts]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Huh? :'''Bobo Haha''': ''[after Rex has been repeatedly beaten back by the Evo]'' Looks like you showed him. :'''Rex Salazar''': Are you going to talk, or are you going to help? :'''Bobo Haha''': Talk. Kidding! I'm helping! I'm helping! :''[Rex Salazar grunts]'' :''[Rex Salazar groaning]'' :''[Rex Salazar groaning]'' :''[Rex Salazar sighs]'' :''[Rex Salazar groaning]'' :'''Diane Farrah''': Please tell me you're getting all of this. :'''Rex Salazar''': Providence's man of mystery strikes again. Ow! It-- it bit me! :'''Diane Farrah''': Quick, grab some B-roll footage before they get rid of all the evidence. :'''Rex Salazar''': You did see that I did all the heavy lifting and Six just took out the trash, right? :'''Diane Farah''': Don't worry. The camera never lies. :'''Rex Salazar''': Yes! :'''Bobo Haha''': Good! Then get a load of this! :'''Diane Farah''': Do you have something to say? :''[Camera zooms in on Bobo]'' :'''Bobo Haha''': Oh... oh. :''[Bobo mutters then passes out]'' :'''Diane Farrah''': I think we have everything we need. :'''Rex Salazar''': I don't know how you guys came off looking, but yours truly rocked hard. Just call me Providence's Man of Mystery from now on. Oh, yeah! Stardom starts in five, four, three, two-- :'''Diane Farrah''': I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions. :'''Rex Salazar''': We are so dead. :'''Bobo Haha''': Nice knowing you, kid. :'''Diane Farrah''': To find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long. :'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name. :'''Rex Salazar''': They did it. :'''Bobo Haha''': They did. :'''Dr. Holiday''': This is a news show? What is the world coming to? :'''Diane Farrah''': Look out, ladies. Agent Six is the full package -- brains, brawn, and-- :'''Agent Six''': Highly sensitive. :'''Diane Farrah''': Just what is he hiding behind those alluring, dark glasses of his? :'''Agent Six''': That's classified. :'''Diane Farrah''': He's the Providence agent you women wanted to get to know. :'''Agent Six''': Up close and personal. :'''Diane Farrah''': That's right, girls. :'''Agent Six''': He's The real deal. :'''Diane Farrah''': And he's known throughout Providence as-- :'''Agent Six''': The heart of the operation. :'''Diane Farrah''': He's the organization's best-kept secret, the ultimate agent, and-- :'''Agent Six''': The man of many mysteries. :'''Diane Farrah''': And, yes, ladies, he is single -- or is he? :''[Dr. Holiday laughs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday''': Excuse me. :'''Agent Six''': No comment. :''[Rex and Bobo Haha laughs]'' :'''White Knight''': Well, that's a relief. :'''Rex Salazar''': ''[after the story airs]'' So, man of mystery, what's it like being a big star adored by women everywhere? :'''Agent Six''': No comment. ===Touch and Go=== ===The Siren's Lament=== * Flashbacks as to how Circe came to work for Van Kleiss. <hr width80%> ===Grounded=== ===Six Minus Six=== ===In Dreams=== ===Lions and Lambs=== <hr width80%> :''[Providence agents are standing in an industrial area, fingers on triggers. Rex flies in on jet pack and lands beside all the agents.]'' :'''Rex:''' Any sign? ''[Rex notices agents shaking in fear.]'' Alright then, who’s up for a burger, anyone? Tough crowd. :''[Six walks up.]'' :'''Six:''' These agents seem nervous. Haven’t they dealt with this situation before? :'''Rex:''' Yeah, that's kind of the problem. :''[Rex twitches, as if he is feeling Breach's presence.]'' :'''Providence Agent:''' Here she comes. :''[Breach appears in front of them. They fire at her. She sends their missiles and agents away with red portals.]'' :'''Six:''' How do we stop her? :'''Rex:''' ''[Smack Hands.]'' Hit hard and keep clear of anything that glows. :''[Breach has a collar around her neck like the one Van Kleiss wears, and a device on her chest like his only much larger and shackles are around her giant hands which look like Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical wrist. She opens a red portal. A giant jellyfish-like thing flies out at Six, then a large creature with a horn on its nose runs out. Rex jumps at Breach, she portals out, returns and the device on her chest starts sparking.]'' :'''Rex:''' What's with the new toy, Breach? :'''Breach:''' ''[Glares]'' Wouldn’t you like to know? :''[T-Rex appears through a gold colored portal, sniffs Rex.]'' :'''Rex:''' Seriously, where do you find these things? Let's see what you started out as, big guy. ''[Tries to cure.] Six? This... this isn't an EVO!'' It's an actual T-Rex! ...Six? :''[Rex runs from T-Rex.]'' :'''Breach:''' Have fun. ''[Leaves through red portal.]'' :''[Rex hides behind light pole, T-Rex pulls pole from ground, Rex falls to the ground.]'' :'''Six:''' I take it this sort of thing doesn't happen all the time? :'''Rex:''' Try never? This is all kinds of wrong. :''[Rex makes BFS, runs at T-Rex; Six runs at T-Rex, jumps on and stabs it in back.]'' :'''Holiday:''' Is that what I think it is? :'''Six:''' You mean about to be extinct? :'''Holiday:''' If you destroy the scientific find of a lifetime, it won’t be the only thing. :'''Rex:''' It's trying to eat us. :'''Six:''' You heard the lady. Take it down soft. :'''Rex:''' Easy for you to say. :''[Rex lies on the ground holding the jaws open with Smack Hands and it slobbers on him.]'' :''[Scene change.]'' :''[Video of T-Rex in confinement field. The T-Rex turns to dust.]'' :'''White Knight:''' Breach is powerful enough as it is, and now you're telling me she can travel through time? :'''Holiday:''' However she's doing it, I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. That dinosaur reverted to its actual age about less than two hours after arrival. :'''Caesar:''' Photo and deep scan analysis reveals some very interesting technology at work here. Van Kleiss has really stepped up his game. :'''White Knight:''' Skip the fan talk. How do we stop it? :'''Caesar:''' Until I get my hands on the device, I'm not certain we can. :'''White Knight:''' We have to bring her to our side. :'''Rex:''' The only way she's coming here is if she does it willingly. :'''White Knight:''' How do you propose we persuade her? :'''Rex:''' With me. ''[Six and Holiday stare at him skeptically.]'' I can be very convincing. Okay, okay. I think she might still have a thing for me. :'''Bobo:''' Atta boy, work it on the crazy chick. :'''White Knight:''' I don't care how we do it as long as we get results. Providence is under the microscope. It is the worst time for Van Kleiss to gain the upper hand. Get to it. Bring her in. :''[Six and Holiday walking out of the room together down the hall.]'' :'''Six:''' ''[To Holiday.]'' I need a word. Something's wrong with White. :'''Holiday:''' Oh. That. He’s always like this, Six. :'''Six:''' No. This is different. I know when something is bothering him. The secret meetings, the anxiety. He’s up to something. :'''Holiday:''' I'll see what I can find out. :''[Scene change.]'' :''[Rex on hoverboard, in Providence stealth suit.]'' :'''Rex:''' WHOO-HOO! Works pretty good. After all, I built it. ''[Loses control of board for a moment.]'' :''[Scene change.]'' :''[Van Kleiss's castle, Rex hiding by entrance.]'' :'''Rex:''' Going in. ''[Pulls up stealth mask, disappears partly, runs past guard.]'' :''[Scene change.]'' :''[Breach is hooked up to a large machine. Van Kleiss stands before her with a huge bank of controls and displays, spooky dark lighting. She screams.]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' This is unacceptable, Breach. I need you to concentrate. :'''Breach:''' It hurts. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Think of what I'm trying to achieve here. I cannot fail. :''[Breach screams in agony and collapses.]'' :''[Rex looks down horrified, Van Kleiss grins, Breach screams and falls down.]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' I'll return when it recharges and we'll start again. :''[Rex holds his hand out to her.]'' :'''Rex:''' Why do you let him do this to you? :'''Breach:''' Glory. :'''Rex:''' Van Kleiss's glory. Is he even noticing how you're tearing yourself apart for him? Have you ever heard him say thank you? What do you say we blow this joint, you and me? He's hurting you. :'''Breach:''' It's not real. It can't hurt you if it isn't real. :'''Rex:''' Breach, look at me. It is. I'm real, all of this is real. You don't have to live this way. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Why am I not surprised. Rex has come to rescue another of my lost sheep. Perhaps he'll try to save you next, Biowulf. :'''Rex:''' That depends. Is he housebroken yet? :'''Biowulf:''' I am no traitor. :'''Van Kleiss:''' You’ve no doubt seen our little experiment. Breach shows great promise. She just needs a little fine tuning. :'''Rex:''' Then what? Go back in time and be king of the cavemen? :'''Van Kleiss:''' Why not? It wouldn’t be much of a step down, now would it? Breach, if you would, remove our guest so we can continue. Practice makes perfect, or in your case, acceptable. :''[Breach makes a red portal.]'' :'''Rex:''' Breach! Think about what you're doing. :''[Van Kleiss grins, she runs and puts her arms around Rex, portals out with Rex.]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Find her. Now. :''[Mountains, snow, Rex shivering.]'' :'''Rex:''' I'm glad you got us out of there, but where... are we? :'''Breach:''' When the snow is gone you can see forever. :'''Rex:''' That's nice. Can we go now? :'''Breach:''' I need to know if I can trust you. :'''Rex:''' You can trust me. I swear. :''[Breach grabs his hand and hugs him. He opens his eyes. They are standing on a shiny endless reflective surface, reflecting stars.]'' :'''Rex:''' This is different. :'''Breach:''' Do you see it? :'''Rex:''' Um-- :'''Breach:''' This is where the stillness comes from. :'''Rex:''' You. Are weird. So what exactly does this mean? Are you coming with me or is this some kind of test? :'''Breach:''' I need you to see it. :'''Rex:''' Ah... A test. :'''Breach:''' Do you wanna understand? :'''Rex:''' Not exactly sure. ''[She glares, he waves his hands in front of him.]'' Yes, I mean yes. I mean-- :'''Breach:''' Follow me. ''[Walks through red portal.]'' :''[Another place. A door, a doll, a bear and a fire hydrant float in space.]'' :''[Rex hanging upside down, she is holding him by his ankle above a swirling pink vortex.]'' :'''Rex:''' Ahh! What happened? I thought we were getting along fine! :'''Breach:''' Why are you here? :'''Rex:''' Good question. Where exactly is here? Can we go somewhere else now, somewhere like, on Earth? :''[She drops him. He screams and lands on the floor between some stacks of books.]'' :'''Rex:''' You sure know how to pick'em. What kind of tripped out dimension is this? ''[Librarian walks by and shushes him.]'' Oh. College. :'''White Knight:''' ''[On communicator in Rex's right ear.]'' Rex, report. Where on earth have you been? :'''Rex:''' Apparently every place but. :'''White Knight:''' I need to know you can handle this otherwise we're going to try a different approach. :'''Rex:''' You need to chill out, White. I’m making progress. ''[Rex puts his hand to his left ear.]'' Dr. Holiday, are you there? :'''Holiday:''' Tracking shows you’re with Breach. Are you okay? :'''Rex:''' Fine? Creeped out but fine. I can't bring Breach back to Providence, White would just lock her up and that won't help. :'''Holiday:''' Where will you take her? :'''Rex:''' I'll think of something. Just keep White Knight off my case. :''[Breach appears behind him.]'' :'''Rex:''' Why don't you let me pick out where we go next? :''[Scene change.]'' :''[White Knight hands folded moving nervously.]'' :'''White Knight:''' He says he's making progress. :'''Black Knight:''' The committee is losing confidence. They want results, not excuses. :'''White Knight:''' Then that's exactly what they’ll get. :''[Scene change. Rex sits across from Breach in a booth at a bowling alley.]'' :'''Rex:''' Soooo, don't like bowling, huh? I figured with the extra arms you'd be a natural. :'''Breach:''' I'm not supposed to like you, but I do. :'''Rex:''' ''[smiles]'' We're teenagers. At least assuming you are. Doing what we are not supposed to is part of the job. French fry? :''[She takes it and then drops it.]'' :'''Rex:''' Do you remember anything? From before you... changed? :'''Breach:''' I remember everything. And nothing. :'''Rex:''' Naturally. Why did I even bother to ask. Listen, Breach. I'm not going to pretend I understand you, ''[Puts his hand on her giant hand]'' but I can help. If you let me. :''[The machine starts to glow, they jump to their feet, other people look startled.]'' :'''Rex:''' Nothing to worry about. Everything's fine. :'''Breach:''' I can't, I can't stop it. :'''Rex:''' Let me try. ''[He tries and it knocks him onto the floor sparking.]'' :'''Breach:''' Van Kleiss has control. They're coming. :''[Van Kleiss busts through the door with The Pack following. Raises bio-mechanical hand, palm of it glows, device on Breach's chest turns off.]'' :'''Rex:''' Okay, do your thing. Get us out of here. Anywhere. :''[she tries]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' You can't take what doesn't belong to you. :'''Rex:''' I didn't take you for the jealous type. ''[Rex shoots bowling balls at Van Kleiss with his cannon, hits Biowulf and Skalamander in the face and Van Kleiss punches the balls aside with his bio-mechanical hand.]'' :'''Rex:''' Breach, let's go! :''[Breach rides off with Rex on hoverboard, Van Kleiss and Pack follow on three flying fish EVO's with harnesses and big teeth. They dodge and crash Van Kleiss into a window, and land in a park.]'' :''[Breach and Rex stand together on a footbridge looking down into the water.]'' :'''Breach:''' ''[Walks to bridge and looks at her reflection, Rex follows.]'' Will they hurt me? :'''Rex:''' Providence? Not if I can help it. :'''Breach:''' They did before. Ms. Smarty Pants—she likes to hurt me. :'''Rex:''' I'll give you my word, if you come back to Providence, I promise no one will hurt you. :'''Breach:''' We can be together forever and ever. ''[She walks off bridge, ducks swimming in water.]'' :'''Rex:''' Uh... something like that. What am I getting myself into? We gotta move. I bet my brother has already figured out how to turn that thing of yours off. :''[The ducks fly off, they look and see a reflection in the pond of White Knight's ship.]'' :''[White Knight walks up followed by Providence fighter planes.]'' :'''Rex:''' Uh guys, what are you doing?! :'''White Knight:''' If you can't have something done right, do it yourself. :''[They shoot at Breach, she screams, Rex is horrified.]'' :'''Rex:''' No! No! No! ''[walks up bridge to White Knight]'' Do have any idea what you just did? :''[Breach's chest device turns on, she screams, Providence shoots at her.]'' :'''Rex:''' Is this what you wanted? Congratulations! ''[runs to Breach]'' Breach! Wait! :'''Breach:''' Liar! ''[Throws red portal at Rex, he dodges, second one hits him, he disappears. Providence keeps shooting, she throw portals, drops three soldiers in water.]'' :'''White Knight:''' Agent Six! :''[He jumps at her, she portals him away to behind Knight. Rex jumps from the water onto the bridge by Knight.]'' :'''Rex:''' You had no intention to bring her in, did you? :'''White Knight:''' I wanted to believe you, Rex, but this is too important. She can't be controlled. :'''Rex:''' Control... Her powers are back on. Van Kleiss. :''[Van Kleiss arrives on flying fish EVO.]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Settle down, Breach. :''[Chest device turns off.]'' :'''Rex:''' Let me do this. I can get through to her. Come on. It couldn't get any worse than you've already made it :''[Knight and Six look at each other.]'' :'''White Knight:''' Form a perimeter around Breach. Van Kleiss isn't to touch her. :''[A rock wall rises from the ground blocking Rex as he runs towards Breach. The Pack jumps down from wall to attack Rex, Six intervenes. Agents surround Breach, she tries and fails to make red portal. Screams. Van Kleiss flies in on fish, knocks down agents with bio-mechanical whip arm, shoots needles from fingers and knocks more down, fish knocks the rest down. White Knight shoots at Van Kleiss.]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' If you had any idea what I was trying to do you might even welcome it. :'''White Knight:''' Enlighten me. :''[Van Kleiss touches a tree and it turns into an EVO. EVO tree catches and holds White. Six and Biowulf fight, Rex and Skalamander fight.]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Enlighten you? :''[Sticks his claws in White Knight, glowing White Knight screams.]'' All in good time, White Knight, assuming you have some left. :''[Six throws a magnablade through Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical arm and he lets go of White.]'' :'''Six:''' ''[to White Knight]'' Go. I mean it. ''[White Knight flies off.]'' :'''Six:''' The name's Six. :'''Van Kleiss:''' We've met. :'''Six:''' Don't remember. ''[They fight.]'' :''[Breach on merry-go-round, turning slowly looking at the sky. :'''Rex:''' You're just using her. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Of course I am. She knows it. Spare me the chivalry, Rex. Providence would do the same. :'''Rex:''' Either way you slice it, she loses! :'''Breach:''' ''[to herself]'' My two favorites. You both lie. Neither is real. :'''Rex:''' ''[goes to her]'' Breach, I'm sorry. I meant what I said. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Words mean nothing. :'''Rex:''' Then let this do the talking. ''[Turns on her machine, puts it into her power.]'' :''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' You just handed her a loaded gun. :'''Rex:''' And now it's her choice how to use it. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh if only I had the chance to get through to you, Rex, to teach you how the world really works. :''[Breach steps in front of Van Kleiss, raises her arms as if to send Rex away. Makes huge yellow portal above them.]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Our very first time traveler. You should be honored. Now Breach, if you wouldn't mind. :''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]'' :''[Rex closes his eyes. Breach sends Van Kleiss away with yellow portal.]'' :'''Rex:''' That was... unexpected. :''[Rex tries to turn machine off but fails.]'' :'''Rex:''' It won't turn off. I'm sorry. I, I didn't know. :'''Breach:''' Van Kleiss made it like this so I wouldn't send him away. :'''Rex:''' That didn't work out so well did it? Six, get everyone out of here now! ''[A big yellow dome forms around the playground where Rex and Breach stand.]'' :'''Rex:''' So, what's going to happen? :''[Rex and Breach are about to be engulfed by Breach's out of control time portal]'' :'''Breach''': ''[she looks up]'' I don't know if any of this was real. But it was nice having a friend for a while. ''[Rex smiles, Breach hugs him as they dispensary in the golden time portal]'' :'''Rex:''' I didn't get blown up. ''[Sees a lizard.]'' Whoa! ''[Jumps away, startled.]'' Oh no, please don't let this be dino time. ''[Touches earpiece in left ear.]'' Rex to Providence, do you copy? :''[Takes earpiece out and looks at it.]'' Oh... Rex to Providence, you better be there. :'''Providence Agent:''' Uh... we copy, Rex. We have a lock on your coordinates and are sending a jump jet. :'''Rex:''' Is Six okay? Breach went supernova. :'''Providence Agent:''' Someone's on the way, just hold tight. Providence out. :''[Scene change, Rex lying on the ground.]'' :'''Rex:''' Took you long enough. :''[Turns over and sees Providence agents, pointing guns at him.]'' :'''Providence Agent:''' Rex is onboard. Heading back to HQ. :'''Rex:''' HQ? Ten minutes ago I was in the middle of an epic battle. You need to take me back! :'''Providence Agent:''' Um, that battle is over. :'''Rex:''' What happened? Is Six okay? Guys...what's going on? :''[They arrive at HQ.]'' :'''Caesar:''' Baby brother, you're okay! ''[Runs and hugs him.]'' :'''Rex:''' Breach just sent me to nowheresville. Nothing to freak out over. :'''Caesar:''' ''[To Providence agent.]'' You didn't tell him? :'''Providence Agent:''' Our orders were just to bring him back. :'''Rex:''' Tell me what? Hey, when did you... have a beard? :'''Caesar:''' There's no easy way to tell you this, hermano. Breach didn't just send you to the middle of nowhere. You've been gone for six months. :'''Rex:''' Six months?! So this is-- :'''Caesar:''' Technically, the future. I should warn you, there've been a few changes. :'''Rex:''' You didn't give away my room, did you? :'''Caesar:''' As a matter of fact, they did. :'''Rex:''' What?! Caesar, tell me what's going on here. :'''Caesar:''' It would be better if I showed you. :'''Rex:''' White Knight taking visitors now? :'''Caesar:''' I'll wait out here. :''[Rex sees Providence agents dressed in black.]'' :'''Rex:''' Nice suits. :''[Goes into the office.]'' :'''Rex:''' Ah... Love what you've done with the place. White? :''[Person in chair turns around, it's a woman, not White Knight.]'' :'''Black Knight:''' Thank you, Rex. ''[She gets up and walks towards him.]'' It was a little bright for my taste. White Knight is no longer associated with this organization. :'''Rex:''' He quit? :'''Black Knight:''' He...attempted a hostile takeover and failed. Can I get you anything? Water? A snack? :'''Rex:''' I don't want a snack! Where's Six? Where's Holiday!? :'''Black Knight:''' This must upsetting to you. Change is never easy but from I understand, you've been in situations like this before. Everything's going to be fine. :'''Rex:''' Who are you?! :'''Black Knight:''' Someone very happy to have you back. Call me Black Knight. ==Season Three (2011-2013)== ===Back in Black=== : '''Rex''': Okay, I get what's going on here. : '''Black Knight''': I'm relieved to hear that, Rex. : '''Rex''': You can come out! I know you're there! : '''Black Knight''': Rex? : '''Rex''': We're friends, now, remember? Breach? : '''Black Knight''': Breach isn't here, Rex. The world's changed. As soon you accept th-- : '''Rex''': No, I'm not ignoring you. It's just that you're not real. : '''Black Knight''': I assure you I'm very real-- As is all of this. : '''Rex''': ''[Chuckling]'' Oh, come on. It's been a fun time in the ol' Breachscape, but, you know, time to go home now. : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex''': Seen this before. Usually ends with a black hole. : '''Black Knight''': Rex, you're disoriented. Let me-- : '''Rex''': Sorry, non-lady. No time. Got an exit to find! Shall we aprehend? : '''Black Knight''': It won't be necessary. : '''Caesar''': Rex! Have you lost it? : '''Rex''': Caesar! We're in a pocket dimension! It could collapse at any second! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Caesar''': That's crazy, Rex. This is not a pocket dimension. : '''Rex''': You're right! It's a whole alternate universe! And-- and-- and you're my Brother's evil twin! Out of the way! Six! Six! Doc! : ''[Rex panting]'' : '''Rex''': Dr. Holiday! Doc! : ''[Rex sighs]'' : '''Rex''': Wha-- Well, at least some things haven't changed. Whoa! Whoa! Okay, now I-- Bleh-- know I'm in an-- Aah!-- alternate universe. Unh! You can go ahead and -- Blech!-- Eat me now, please. : '''Black Knight''': Release. : '''Rex''': You were... saying something about changes? : '''Black Knight''': There have been a few. : '''Caesar''': You've got temporal lag, Rex. It's kind of like altitude sickness, only in time. Here-- This will balance your electrolytes. : ''[Rex sighs]'' : '''Rex''': So this is really-- : '''Black Knight''': Really. Welcome to the future, Rex-- Or, rather, to the present. Without your healing abilities, Providence has embraced a new paradigm. We've moved beyond the outmoded era of "cure, contain, or kill." : '''Rex''': And into the era of "serious leash laws". : '''Caesar''': We used the petting zoo as our test bed. What do you think? : '''Rex''': I think it needs a new name, 'cause, you know, now it really is one. : '''Caesar''': We've developed new techniques for working with EVOs. It's all about understanding them better. : '''Rex''': So, you're some sort of "EVO whisperer"? : '''Caesar''': ''[laughs]'' It's a bit more complicated than that. You sure you're okay? ''[sighs]'' It's good to have you back, brother. : '''Black Knight''': Family ties. They transcend even time itself. : '''Rex''': Caesar's not my only family. : '''Black Knight''': I'll bring you up to speed on the others. When you went M.I.A., White Knight lost his biggest weapon in the war for EVO containment. : '''Rex''': Figures that I have to vanish for him to appreciate me. : '''Black Knight''': White became erratic-- some might say paranoid. Directorate lost faith in his ability to lead. : '''Rex''': Directorate? I never knew white even had a boss. : '''Black Knight''': There are, shall we say, layers. I was named as his replacement. : '''Rex''': Let me guess-- he didn't take it well. : '''Black Knight''': You could say that. : '''Providence Agent''': White Knight! Sir! Stand down! : '''White Knight''': I'd rather go down in flames than see Providence in the hands of the enemy. : '''Providence Agent''': He's got a bomb! Fall back! All units fall ba-- : '''Rex''': Whoa! That was-- : '''Black Knight''': Your room. : '''Rex''': Huh? Aww, man! But... Six... Holiday... where-- : '''Black Knight''': Where do you think? They're out looking for you. Agent Six and Holiday took indefinite leave. They've been off the grid ever since. I've attempted to contact them, but no response. : '''Rex''': Mind if... I give them a ring? Not that I don't trust you. : '''Black Knight''': But you don't trust me. Natural, given the circumstances. Be my guest. It won't take long, to locate them. Meanwhile, there are many familiar faces who will be glad to hear you're back. Which reminds me... This is everything we salvaged from your room. : '''Rex''': Huh. Talk about starting over. : '''Black Knight''': You could you know. There's still a place for you in the-- : '''Rex''': My room. I thought you said it was trashed. : '''Black Knight''': Rex, wait. : '''Rex''': What's the matter, Black? This where you're hiding all your evil secrets? : ''[Rex gasps]'' : '''Rex''': Um... Wow! : '''Black Knight''': This entire wing was destroyed in the blast. I had the space... repurposed. : '''Rex''': White wouldn't even splurge for private stalls. : '''Black Knight''': As you see, I treat my finest people to the very finest things. : '''Rex''': Sure. I'll take one of those, please. : '''Black Knight''': It's yours-- and anything else you'd like. : '''Rex''': As long as I do whatever you want-- That it? : '''Black Knight''': On the contrary-- you're a seasoned agent. I have a few boundaries, but otherwise, handle matters as you see fit. : '''Rex''': Say I refuse. : '''Black Knight''': Then I turn you over to mel. ''[chuckling]'' I'm kidding. You're free to leave whenever you like. But I hope you'll stay. Now, more than ever, Providence needs a Rex. So, how do you feel? Like I haven't used one of those in Six months-- Which I haven't. You mind? Bobo? : '''Bobo''': Rex! Heard you were back. So great to see you, buddy. Whoa. Just a sec, there, pal. Gotta love those certain towelettes. : ''[Bobo whistling]'' : '''Bobo''': What? Never seen a monkey wash his hands before? : '''Rex''': Not this one. : ''[Bobo munching]'' : '''Rex''': You wanna tell me what's gotten into you or what? : '''Bobo''': What are you talking abou-- Unh! Hey! : '''Rex''': Sorry. For a minute, I thought you were... : '''Bobo''': Robo Bobo? Wanna check for a tv in my butt? : '''Rex''': Pass. But come on. You've, I don't know, mellowed or something. : '''Bobo''': Guess I just don't have a big need to act out these days, what with you and everyone gone. Plus, the employee benefits are pretty sweet. : '''Black Knight''': Rex, we've got a little EVO problem. Providence could use your help. Ready to get back in the game? : '''Rex''': If it involves getting out of here, that would be a "yes." You coming? : '''Bobo''': I'll join ya on the next one. I got Tai Chi at 2:00. : '''Rex''': Missing an EVO smackdown? That doesn't sound like you. : '''Bobo''': Did I mention the instructor has a thing for back hair? : '''Rex:''' Ew. Okay. That sounds like you. What is it and where do I find it? : '''Providence Agent''': We've got an EVO in the subway tunnels, people trapped in one of the trains. The power's out down there, too. : '''Rex:''' Sounds like a street worm. Sure it's just one? Rex to H.Q. Okay, new chief, how do you want to do this? : '''Black Knight:''' You're the expert. : '''Rex:''' I am? Uh, I mean, of course I am. It's just that Six usually-- : '''Black Knight:''' You don't need help, Rex. Handle it as you see fit. Black, out. : '''Rex:''' What's this strange feeling that's come upon me? Could it be... : ''[Rex shudders]'' : '''Rex''': Responsibility?! Okay. Assemble your guys over there. Be ready for me. Should the guys grab flashlight. Or... better. Not a bad pre-show. Now for the main event. : '''Providence Agent:''' How did you know? : '''Rex:''' These things usually travel in pairs. I used lights from my builds to make it think I was another worm. Have your bug net handy. They're so cute after I shut them down. : '''Rex:''' Sorry B.K. No can cure. : '''Black Knight:''' Understood. Our team will take it from here. : '''Rex:''' Um, take what where? : '''Providence Agent:''' Move into the vehicle! Move... into... the vehicle! Hit her again! : '''Rex:''' Um, what just happend? : '''Black Knight:''' That's all for now, Rex. Nicely done. : '''Rex:''' Hm. Wait. What are you gonna do with it? : '''Providence Agent:''' Standard rehab and re-lo. It's all very humane. : '''Rex:''' I'd love to see that. Mind if I tag along? : '''Black Knight:''' Sorry, Rex. Authorized personnel only. You've done your job. Now let the team theirs. : '''Rex:''' But-- : '''Black Knight:''' Boundaries, Rex. : '''Rex:''' Boundaries. Got it. Rex, out. : '''Caesar:''' Main container reached. Attach stabilizer ring. : '''Rex:''' Humane? Yeah, right. : ''[Bobo yawns]'' : '''Bobo:''' See? Great employee benefits. : '''Rex:''' Yeah. Right. Hey, you got a tag sticking out in the back. Mind if I-- : '''Bobo:''' Thanks, pal. Well, off to yoga. : '''Caesar:''' You really shouldn't be here, hermano. : '''Rex:''' The petting zoo? The worm? My monkey practicing good hygiene? You're using that thing to control my friend! : '''Caesar:''' He's still the same Bobo you know and love. He just need a few boundaries. : '''Rex:''' He's not the same, and neither are you! You should hear yourself! : '''Caesar:''' Making the world safer isn't possible without some form of control. And you'd better get some control of yourself, mijo. : '''Rex:''' Or what? You'll use that thing on me? : '''Caesar:''' Open your eyes to all the good we're accomplishing. Isn't this better than smacking them with your giant fists? : '''Rex:''' That's combat! I protect people and property! Okay, property, not so much, but this? If you can't see the difference, then maybe I never knew you at all! : '''Caesar:''' It doesn't matter. I have work to do. : '''Rex:''' So do I! : ''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Uses his Smack Hands to smash everything around him]'' : '''Caesar:''' Rex! Stop! : '''Black Knight:''' Snooping around, Rex? See, that's another one of my boundaries. : '''Rex:''' White Knight may have had his issues, but he never resorted to anything like this! : '''Black Knight:''' I never planned to do this, Rex, but you've become a danger. : '''Rex''' ''[shocked]'': Caesar! Think! You can't do this! : '''Caesar:''' Of course I'm thinking. This is the logical conclusion to what we started. : '''Rex:''' The logical-- Aaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Raaah! Aah! : ''[Caesar blasts the mind-control laser, causing Rex to scream and groan in pain]'' : '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. You'll thank me later. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' You... better... believe I will! : '''Caesar:''' Please don't resist! It's only painful if you struggle! : '''Black Knight:''' What's taking so long? : '''Caesar:''' He's fighting it! His nantic energy is spiking off the scale! : ''[Rex grunting]'' : '''Black Knight:''' Boost power. : '''Caesar:''' It's not safe to-- : '''Black Knight:''' It's for the best. : ''[Caesar increases power, causing Rex's nanites to go haywire as a tear fall down his cheek, heartbroken about his own brother betraying him]'' : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Manages to overpower the mind-control machine, much to the surprise and wonder of Caesar and Black Knight]'' : '''Rex:''' You just drew a line in the sand, bro! ''[runs off]'' : '''Black Knight:''' You'd better have a backup. : '''Caesar:''' The prototype. Not portable, but more than enough power, even for him. : '''Black Knight:''' Get it ready. : '''Rex:''' Unh! : ''[Rex grunting]'' : '''Rex:''' No mood to get slimed right now, mel! : ''[Rex grunting]'' : '''Rex:''' What happened to your EVO control? : '''Black Knight:''' A demonstration. You know what would happen without our influence. : '''Rex:''' So, you're hijacking its brain, like you tried to do with mine. : '''Black Knight:''' That won't be necessary if you'll willingly cooperate. : '''Rex:''' Translation-- if I do everything you say. : '''Black Knight:''' You've seen how we can work together. Providence still needs you. There will always be a few EVOs we can't control. : '''Rex:''' Yeah. I'm one of them. : '''Black Pawns:''' Shall we pursue? : '''Black Knight:''' Most definitely. : '''Rex:''' Gangway! Coming through! Huh? No! Huh. Black Pawns. Overdoing the whole theme, don't you think? : ''[Rex groaning]'' : ''[Rex gasps]'' : '''Rex:''' Yah! I'm getting beat up by the chess club! : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Black Knight:''' We... got off on the wrong foot. Stow the hardware and come with us. You have my word you won't be harmed. We can start over-- the right way. : '''Bobo:''' You mind? You're interrupting the enjoyment of my employee benefits. : ''[Rex sighs]'' : ''[Rex panting]'' : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Black Knight:''' ''[after Rex was tranquilized]'' Excellent work. Take him to the lab. : ''[Rex groans]'' : ''[Rex sighs]'' : '''Rex:''' What? No way! You're not turning my brain to mashed potatoes! Doc?! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Welcome back, Rex. : '''Six:''' Good to see you, kid. : '''Rex:''' Before I blame this on a Burrito-induced nightmare, will someone please tell me-- What... Is... Going... On?! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' What do you think? We've been looking for you. : '''Six:''' We knew Providence might find you first. Fortunately, we planted a mole. : '''Bobo:''' Ehh. Rex! Put 'er there! : '''Rex:''' Uhh! You didn't wash! Oh! You didn't wash! But that means... that he really was... Robo Bobo? : '''Bobo:''' In the flesh. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Literally. I gave it a biological upgrade, complete with his own nanites and... fleas, ticks, lice, chigger mites. : '''Bobo:''' What can I say? I'm an ecosystem. : '''Six:''' It's enough to fool your brother's equipment. The robot is only providing limited intel. But one thing is sure-- new Providence is about more than just getting EVOs off the streets. : '''Rex:''' I saw it. Whatever they're doing over there is seriously messed up. : '''Six:''' That's why we've set up our own operation. : '''Rex:''' Whoa! Where did you get all of this? : '''Six:''' We have our sources. : '''Rex:''' So, we're like super secret spies now? Cool! :''[Rex sighs]'' : '''Rex:''' It's too bad about White, though. I never thought I'd say it, but I'm gonna miss that pasty guy. : '''White Knight:''' How touching, Rex. I, on the other hand, would rather enjoyed the last six Rex-free months. Now... if we're done with the love-in, we have work to do. : '''Rex:''' It really can't get any better than this. Oh, except one thing-- can I get a TV? ===Crash and Burn=== *From this episode, Rex can create two builds at once :''[Bobo yawns]'' :'''Bobo:''' They say nothin' good happens after midnight. And, you know, they're right. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm worried about you, Bobo. Since we left Providence, you've been staying out every night. :''[Bobo grunts]'' :''[Bobo munching]'' :''[Bobo gulps]'' :'''Bobo:''' That's not the least of your worries. Seen our boy lately? :''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex is fine. He just needs time to adjust to our new setting. Rex? It's Holiday. Are you there? :'''Rex:''' Hey, doc. What up? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Just checking in. Everything okay? :'''Rex:''' Better than okay. I'm about to set a new land-speed record' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' That wasn't what I meant. How are you feeling? :'''Rex:''' Appreciate the concern, but the only thing on my mind right now is the need for speed. Apparently, I'm not alone. I'll call you back. Hey! Slow down! I want to talk to you! Ah. You want to play chicken. Doc? Bobo? I'm getting blitzed by some bikers. Aah! :'''Rand:''' Might as well give up! I won't quit! I'm a relentless, never-say-die, nonstop-- Uh, hey, wait a minute. Who are you? :'''Rex:''' Think you could have asked me that before trying to run me down? :'''Rand:''' Ooh! My fault. I thought you were one of us. :'''Rex:''' "One of us"? What is this? :'''Rand:''' Sorry, dude. No time to chat. Peace. :'''Rex:''' Yeah, like I'm gonna take that for an answer. A street race? Or a demolition derby? :''[Lance grunts]'' :''[Lance groans]'' :'''Lance:''' Gonna need a bike. :'''Rex:''' Can't believe you survive that! You must be the luckiest guy on the-- These are nanites. :''[Lance groans]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Oh, come on! :'''Six:''' Something wrong? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Prototypes. I prefer tried-and-tested. And I don't even know what we're going to do with half of this stuff. :'''Bobo:''' You're goin' soft, gettin' worked over by a bunch of goofballs on motorcycles. :'''Rex:''' They had weapons. :'''Bobo:''' Last time I checked, so did you. :'''Rex:''' Yeah, but not while I'm on my bike. I'm strictly one at a time. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites that have infected his body are slowly poisoning him. I've never seen anything like it. :'''Rex:''' Do what you can, Doc? I'm gonna go out and look for those racers. :'''Bobo:''' Sounds dangerous. :'''Rex:''' Sure, Bobo. You can come, too. The nanites we found on the biker gave off a different energy signature. Gonna use one of Holiday's new toys to try to scan for it. A bunch of them. And they're moving fast. :'''Bobo:''' Then step on it! Maybe Holiday has a point about prototypes! :'''Rex:''' Or maybe they're not on the streets. I'll watch the road. You watch the screen. :'''Bobo:''' Gotta warn you-- Chimps make bad navigators! :'''Rex:''' Just do it! :'''Bobo:''' Hmm? Left! You're goin' left! Make a right! Another right! :'''Rex:''' Which way? :'''Bobo:''' I don't know! That way-ish! Wah! Like I said-- Monkeys make great navigators! This is your biker gang? :'''Rex:''' They had weapons before I'm telling you-- They're tough! :'''Bobo:''' If you say so. :''[Bobo grunts]'' :'''Bobo:''' Wall. :''[Bobo and Rex grunts]'' :'''Moss:''' That's some fancy ridin'. You following us, kid? :'''Rex:''' Still think they don't look tough? :'''Bobo:''' I take it back. :'''Moss:''' Who are you, kid? 'Cause whoever you are, you're not bad. :'''Rand:''' You're awesome! Where'd you learn to ride like that? Anybody with that kind of skill should be with us. Yeah! :'''Moss:''' What's your secret? :'''Rex:''' No secret. I'm just built that way. :'''Lunk:''' Is that guy from TV-- The one who fights EVOs. :'''Bobo:''' Five bucks for pictures, ten bucks for autographs. :'''Rand:''' A talking monkey! Outrageous! I gotta have one. Is he for sale? :'''Bobo:''' Brother, you can't afford me. :'''Rex:''' You guys seem tight-- For guys who try to kill each other. :'''Rand:''' We're not killers. We're racers. This is a legitimate sport. :'''Moss:''' It is what it is. Our races aren't for the weak. Name's Moss. You've met Rand. :'''Rex:''' He tried to blow me up. :'''Rand:''' I missed. You're welcome. Come on, don't leave me hangin'. :'''Moss:''' Never met a celebrity who could ride. :'''Rex:''' I caught you, didn't I? :'''Moss:''' But are you tough enough try me? :'''Rex:''' Try me. :'''Bobo:''' You gotta fight back? :'''Rex:''' With what? :'''Bobo:''' Oh, brother. Fine, leave it to Chimpy. Aah! I'll take that. Phbt! :'''Rex:''' Something else on the map-- Moving fast! And it's big! :'''Providence Agent:''' Halt! You kids! Pull over! Now! :'''Moss:''' Cops! :'''Bobo:''' Worst than cops-- Providence. :'''Rex:''' The bikes give off a nanite signature. They must have tracked it. :'''Providence Agent:''' Rex, what are you doing here? :'''Rex:''' Research. You don't want to get caught up in this! Back off now! Sorry, guys. Have Black Knight sent me the bill. :'''Rand:''' Ha! No way! You want to beat me, you gotta step your game up. Aah! :''[Rand groans]'' :'''Rex:''' Rand! :'''Bobo:''' Don't stop! Kid's wearing armor. He's fine. :'''Rex:''' No! Something's wrong! :''[Rand groans]'' :'''Rex:''' What is this thing? Doc? Get over here quick. We've got another one. :'''Biker gangs:''' WHOO-HOO-HOO! :''[Biker gangs laughs]'' :'''Biker gangs:''' Yeah! :'''Moss:''' We thought you'd bailed on us. Where were you? :'''Rex:''' Watching a doctor try to save Rand's life. :'''Moss:''' Racers get sick sometimes. It's part of the life. :'''Rex:''' Those nanite power sources-- you got to stop using them. To feel one with the road, that rush? So some people get sick. When we're on our rides, nothing else matters. :'''Rex:''' Your rides are killing you! You're gonna be dead-- All of you! And for what? So you can go a little faster? :'''Moss:''' We need those things to ride. You know what it's like. :'''Lunk:''' Please. Don't take our bikes away. :'''Rex:''' Nobody's going to take your bikes. But I need to know where you got those nanites. :'''Lunk:''' ''[sighs]'' A guy named Valve. He supplies the superchargers. :'''Moss:''' You're wasting your time. Valve never talks to anybody. :'''Rex:''' He'll talk to me. :'''Bobo:''' Been in a lot of bad biker dives, but this is the worst I've ever seen. :'''Valve:''' Enter, strangers. The biker will see you now. Please, sit. May I offer you some tea? :'''Rex:''' I'll pass. :'''Valve:''' Suit yourself. I find a good cup of tea soothing-- for the body and the soul. :''[Valve slurps]'' :'''Valve:''' You don't have to tell the biker why you're here. The biker can tell. You wish to buy a supercharger. :''[Valve slurps]'' :'''Rex:''' Your superchargers are killing people. It's gonna stop. :''[Valve breathes deeply]'' :'''Valve:''' Hmm. That sounds like a challenge. :'''Rex:''' Maybe it is. I'll race you for them. If I win, you hand over your entire stockpile. :'''Valve:''' Shh! Your answer is on the wind. :'''Rex:''' You're... not right in the head, are you? :'''Valve:''' When the wind commands, the impossible game must be gamed. The challenge is accepted. We will race for the superchargers. And when the biker wins... It won't matter. :'''Rex:''' Why is that? :'''Valve:''' Because you'll be dead. Let the race begin. :'''Moss:''' This is his own private track. He knows it better than anyone. You can still back out-- Probably. :'''Rex:''' And let people become poison, like Valve? No. I can take him. Just give me something to hit him with. You guys are walking arsenals. You don't have anything? :'''Moss:''' You didn't think we'd need 'em today. :'''Bobo:''' Oh, boy. :'''Six:''' Message from Holiday. The two sick teens have stabilized, but she's still a ways from finding a cure. :'''Rex:''' It was the only weapon I could find, okay? Can I borrow the sword? :'''Six:''' Use your own. :'''Rex:''' On wheels? It's not gonna happen. :'''Six:''' What's stopping you? :'''Rex:''' Well, for one thing, I-- Um, not sure exactly. :'''Six:''' What have I been teaching you? Focus on what you want and make it happen. No more excuses. :''[Bobo munching]'' :''[Bobo munching]'' :'''Valve:''' You're lucky. One the very best get a chance at this track. :'''Rex:''' Then I should fit right in. Rules of the game-- ten laps. Cross the finish line before the biker, and you may have them. :'''Rex:''' So, is the wind talking to you now? :'''Valve:''' The wind commands the Biker to destroy you. The Biker is happy to oblige. :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Bobo:''' You gonna help him? :'''Six:''' He's doing fine. :'''Bobo:''' Are you watchin' the same race I am? :''[Valve grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' You're in trouble, Rex! No. Keep it together. Keep... it... together. Six said it-- Focus. Focus. Focus! :''[Valve laughs]'' :'''Valve:''' Oblivion. :'''Six:''' Like I sad-- He's doing fine. :'''Rex:''' Double-up! Where have you been all my life? :''[Valve grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' Cute toy. But I like mine better. :'''Valve:''' Aah! :'''Rex:''' Was there any doubt? :'''Bobo:''' Yeah, plenty. :''[Valve panting]'' :'''Rex:''' We had the deal. Remember? :'''Valve:''' Like the storm that changes directions on a whim, the biker is changing the deal. 'Cause the biker-- ''[grunts]'' Doesn't like! ''[grunts]'' The biker-- ''[grunts]'' never loses! ''[grunts]'' Unh! :'''Rex:''' First time for everything. Thank you, Six. :'''Six:''' It was all you, kid. :'''Moss:''' Rand! :'''Biker gangs:''' Oh, Rand! Good to see you! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Completely detoxified. In a couple days, they'll be back to full strength. Those could be useful at the new base. :'''Moss:''' You can't stop us from riding. :'''Rex:''' What's stopping you? You can still ride. You just won't be poisoned by nanites. Come on. Race you back to the garage. :''[Rex rides off]'' :'''Moss:''' ''[Chasing after Rex]'' You heard the man. Hit it! :'''Six:''' You do realize we just turned a group of reckless teenage boys loose on the city. :'''Bobo:''' All in a day's work. ===Heroes United, Part 1=== : '''Rex:''' Six, hold on! Holiday, Six is down! Six is down! This is all your fault! Holiday? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm doing everything I can, Rex. We have to focus on the bigger picture. Six would want us to. : '''Rex:''' Figures the only time I do what Six would want, he's in a coma. : '''White Knight:''' I'll be having the pleasure of helping Providence figure out how to close the rift. The rest of you can deal with that machine. : '''Rex:''' It got blown to bits along with Six, remember? : '''White Knight:''' Don't be so sure. Someone needs to find out what that is and where it went. : '''Ben:''' I can do that. : '''Bobo:''' You-- Ain't doing nothing but sitting pretty and shutting up. : '''Rex:''' And if Six of them pull through, you won't even be able to do that. : '''Ben:''' I'm sorry about your friend, honestly. Obviously, he's important to you. But I have no clue what's even happening here. I've never heard of Providence or EVOs or-- One minute I'm doing a TV interview. The next, hole in the ky, flash a light and I'm punching out a mecha monster. Then I end up in a world where nobody knows me. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' He might actually be telling the truth. Ben's nanite absorption level indicates he came through that rift without any. : '''Rex:''' I thought White Knight was the only living thing on Earth that's nanite-free. : '''Ben:''' So you mean I have those things in me now? Great. Where's my space suit? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' You'll live. Still doesn't explain how you got here. : '''Ben:''' We're probably looking at a parallel world thing. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Parallel worlds are a theory, and a shaky one at that. : '''Ben:''' Are you serious? I go home all the time. Maybe if you knew where that mech alien was from, it might help prove-- : '''Rex:''' Quit talking! : '''Ben:''' Exactly. Nothing's gonna get answered sitting around here. : '''Rex:''' In case you hadn't noticed, we're holding you under house arrest. : '''Ben:''' You aren't holding me. I was staying to see how I could help. : '''Big Chill:''' You aren't the only person worried about someone close to you. : '''Rex:''' I got this. : '''White Knight:''' Rex, don't! I hate kids. : '''Caesar:''' Nanite Cloud. These are being drawn in from the atmosphere. Now where are you? So it is you. This is most disturbing. : '''Rex:''' Why don't you just go back where you came from? : '''Big Chill:''' I'm trying to, you do? Oh no. : '''Rex:''' What? : '''Ben:''' Mr. Smoothie isn't here. That's messed up. : '''Rex:''' My partner is in a coma. If you're stressing over a frozen drink, you are totally getting punk-fusted. : '''Ben:''' We're in Bellwood, my hometown, where it should be. But it's all different. Part of me hoped it wouldn't be, but this pretty much proves it. : '''Rex:''' This doesn't prove anything! : '''Ben:''' You know the friend you care about? Well, I have a cousin, a grandfather, a best friend that I care about! They don't exist here! I may never see them again! I'm totally alone! So go ahead! Do your worst. : '''Rex:''' Maybe we can... help each other. : '''Ben:''' You... do that? What's that sound? <hr width80%> : '''Rex:''' I'm curious how big brother knows about something from a parallel dimension. : '''Caesar:''' Because I sent it there. In the early days of the Nanite Project, our goal was simple. Construct microscopic machines to cure diseases, grow new cells, regenerate bones. They was a control issue. Some thought a human-machine link was the answer. Others proposed that the machines control themselves. I was in latter cam. I developed the Alpha to control other nanites. To maximize its effectiveness, I had to program Alpha to think for itself. :'''Ben:''' Does a low explanation mean something bad on your Earth too? :'''Rex:''' Yep. :'''Caesar:''' Alpha developed its own consciousness. It evolved into a unique life-form. It wanted a body, but whatever it built burned out. So when Alpha attempted possessing living this, Alpha had to be eliminated. So I built a dimensional disruptor. :'''Ben:''' Looks like a Null Void gun. We got some like those back home, too. ===Heroes United, Part 2=== :'''Alpha:''' The nanites in those creatures. They are different, powerful. Your nanites are weak. I have no use for you. Where is the boy? :'''Holiday:''' His nanites are off limits!! <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' My brother!? Look around! He's not here! :'''Alpha:''' The father is redundant. Now that I found you. <hr width80%> :'''Alpha:''' I cannot merge! What makes you so special, human? Yes. You shelter an Omega. <hr width80%> :'''White Knight:''' Don't let it get to Rex! If it drains his nanites-! :'''Diamondhead:''' Game over. I get it. <hr width80%> :'''Rex''': My most powerful builds came from the Omega nanite. A lot of people are going to get hurt and I can't stop it. What happens when the best you can do just isn't enough? :'''Ben''': You get an Upgrade. :'''Rex:''' Weren't you listening? Alpha has the Omega. :'''Ben:''' I'm not talking about a nanite. :(''Transforms into Upgrade'') :'''Rex''': Hey, what are you- ''[Upgrade merges with Rex]'' Whoa, okay, that feels weird. ''[Upgrade covers Rex's body like a suit]'' Wow, what supposed to happen now? ''[Upgrade's head appears on Rex's left shoulder]'' Uh...don't do that, you freaking me out! :'''Upgrade''': Build something! :'''Rex''': ''[Builds a Smack Arm, which is modified by Upgrade]'' Sweet, so what's the plan? :'''Upgrade''': You build stuff, I make it better. Fight fight fight, we win! :'''Rex''': Works for me! ''[Rex builds a Boogie Pack and blasts off]'' <hr width80%> :'''Alpha''': Organics who rely on machines for their power, I don't need. The machines themselves, now those I will have. ===Phantom of the Soap Opera=== :'''Rex Salazar:''' In a world he never chose and barely understands... ''[Rex looks over the countryside from a cliff, jumps and lands in a snow scene]'' One incredibly good looking guy fights for us all. His name...you know it baby...Rex. ''[jumps into a lake scene]'' Forget train wrecks... ''[punches]'' And car wrecks... ''[kicks]'' Nothing brings the pain like this Rex. ''[runs into city scene. EVO walks down street, Rex runs up, jumps, grabs EVO's head and tears it off. Holds it over his head in victory gesture.]'' :'''Actor in costume:''' Yeah, yeah, that's hilarious kid. :'''Noah Nixon:''' Ah, anytime you want to stop trying to get me fired get back to the tour. :'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. Got caught up in the moment. :'''Actor in costume:''' Ah, dude? :''[Rex puts head back on the man in EVO costume.]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' And on your left, the sound stage where they make the hit TV show Middle School Talent show. :''[Teen girls on tour squeal and run towards it.]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' That's a closed set. ''[Noah pulls on his hair]'' C'mon, this is my first week as a page, I could lose my job! :'''Rex Salazar:''' I got this. ''[pulls girls back from stage with turbines]'' I just don't get girls, how come they get so... ''[notices something behind Noah, acts all excited]'' Huh hu oh huh... oh El Amor de la Pasion del Amor! Why didn't you tell me EADLPDA was made here? :'''Noah Nixon:''' Um, probably because I didn't really believe you actually still watch a soap opera. :'''Rex Salazar:''' It's a telenovela. The actresses are smoking hot. And I don't have cable?...ah c'mon dude don't be a hater. ''[crosses arms]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' Whatever. We're not going in there, they get like ten safety violations a week, no one's allowed in accept crew and studio staff. :'''Rex Salazar:''' You mean like pages? ''[Brushes Noah's shoulder with his hand, smiling. Noah brushes his hand away.]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' No way. My boss is a total butt-buster for the rules and she is always watching. ''[makes binocular with his hands]'' :'''Head Page:''' You got that right bub. ''[Rex looks behind him, and jumps away]'' By the way Page, you lose something? ''[has three girls from Noah's tour group tied up in a rope]'' Found these wandering over by Middle School Talent Show. ''[Noah runs over and unties them, rope falls]'' :'''Head Page:''' ''[points to her left eye]'' I got my one good eye on you, Nixon. :''[On set of telenovela]'' :''[Isabella crying]'' :'''Reymundo:''' Pensabas que yo era tu marido. ¡Pero fue una mentira! Pero la verdad es que soy Reymundo, el hermano diabólico de Reynaldo. :'''Isabella:''' Yo sé, pero todavía te amo. :'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[standing by salad bar in cafeteria looking up at TV screen]'' How can anyone say that's not great! :''[Man in cowboy hat tips his hat to Noah]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa? Celebrities know you? :''[There are drinks on their trays at this point, then in the next frame there are no drinks on their trays and they go over to get drinks.]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' The only one here who knows my name is my boss. I'm just a newb on an internship. :''[Blond girl puts her hand on Noah's shoulder and reaches across him to get a soda, walks away, looks back and gives him a finger gun.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Yeah right, you just got a finger gun from TV weather lady Summer Sonnenshine. :'''Noah Nixon:''' It's the page jacket not me, if you put this thing on everyone would think you work here. Still. I gotta admit it's pretty cool. :'''Rex Salazar:''' Y'know, I didn't even know you'd applied for this. But I guess when you jump ahead in time you gotta expect some surprises...OH MY GOSH... ''[drops tray]'' It's Isabella, from El Amor del Pasion del Amor. :''[Rex throws up his arms, knocks tray into Noah's chest spilling it all over his jacket]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' AHHH! :'''Rex Salazar:''' I know she's even hotter in real life than she is on the... :'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[looks down at tray and jacket]'' Ohhhhh... :'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, okay don't worry... :'''Head Page:''' ''[yelling at another page behind Rex]'' You call yourself a page! :'''Rex:''' Okay worry. ''[puts his fingers together]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' This is a huge violation of the dress code, oh I am so fired! :'''Rex Salazar:''' No you're not. Come on, move! :''[They run to a supply closet.]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' I've gotta lead another tour in forty-five minutes. We can't get to a dry cleaners and back in forty-five minutes. :'''Rex Salazar:''' This is my bad, but I can fix this. ''[Noah panicking, rocking and hyperventilating]'' We just have to calm down and think. Just calm down. ''[Rex points at Noah]'' Noah, calm down! :''[Rex grabs a bottle of pickles off the shelf, opens the lid and throw contents of jar at Noah's head. A pickle ends up in Noah's mouth, he spits it out.]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' Not helping. ''[Noah, calm now and not hyperventilating and rocking, wipes pickle juice out of his eyes.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, listen we passed the wardrobe department on the tour, they've gotta have a washer and dryer right? :'''Noah Nixon:''' Uh... yeah, I guess? :'''Rex Salazar:''' Alright, good, give me your outfit and stay put, I'll take care of everything else. :''[Scene change. Sign which says laundry stages commissary.]'' :''[Rex runs towards laundry, passes stage of telenovela. Grins and stops. Looks into open door. Looks down at soiled jacket. Up at stage doorway. Walks away. Runs back and grins bigger. Walks into stage with Noah's jacket on.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh-- :'''Isabella:''' Finally! You are here! :''[Isabella kisses Rex all over his face.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' This is happening, right? I'm not going to wake up and be making out with my pillow again am I? :'''Isabella:''' Come with me, they want to cancel us you know. That's why the studio puts us here in this place falling apart with all the accidentes. :'''Rex Salazar:''' Soap operas do not get the respect they deserve. :'''Isabella:''' You are very wise for your age. We don't even go backstage anymore. Too dangerous. :''[A silhouette of a rat is seen, it squeaks]'' :'''Beatriz:''' Is that our page? :'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh... :''[Rex falls]'' :'''Isabella:''' He's mine, I saw him first! :''[Rex gets up and Isabella grabs him.]'' :'''Isabella:''' He is mine!!! :'''Rex Salazar:''' Hum? :'''Beatriz:''' Why don't we let him decide? :'''[Rex is being pulled back and forth]'' :'''Isabella:''' You would like that wouldn't you? :'''Beatriz:''' Yes I would! Very much. :'''Isabella:''' Fine. :''[Girls growl at each other and walk away.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[grinning]'' Did they just cat-fight over me? :''[The girls come back with lists.]'' :'''Isabella:''' Here is a list of what I need you to do! :'''Beatriz:''' And here's mine! :'''Rex Salazar:''' You want me to work on the show? :'''Beatriz:''' Claro que si, we haven't had a page on set in ages. :'''Rex Salazar:''' But I'm not ... ''[looks over the girls]'' ...able to think of one reason why I would pass this up. :''[Screen cuts to Noah looking out the door. He sees the chief page and closes the door quickly, after that, the scene changes back to Rex carrying boxes of water with yogurt on top.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' I got your yogurt, but I couldn't find the water you wanted. So I got these. :'''Isabella:''' You are dead to me! But I will take this one. ''[takes yogurt]'' :''[Rex stares in shock and drops the boxes full of water.]'' :''[Old man walks in a dressing room, and Reynaldo comes out soon later.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, it's Reynaldo! Uh, coffee? ''[offers him a mug of coffee]'' :'''Reynaldo:''' Gracias. :'''Rex Salazar:''' Leche? :'''Reynaldo:''' How dare you! I am lactose intolerant. :'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh, okay, didn't know that. Sugar? :''[Reynaldo knocks the sugar out of his hand.]'' :'''Reynaldo:''' Real men take their coffee strong and hot. Are you suggesting that I am not a real man? :''[Rex looks around and the phone rings.]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex, where are you? :'''Reynaldo:''' No phone! ''[Reynaldo knocks the phone out of his hand.]'' You will talk to me face to face. Mano a mano! ''[grabs Rex's jacket]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey wait what are you... ''[Reynaldo pulls Rex away from table. Stage light falls where Rex was standing]'' ...Oh, thanks! :''[Everyone runs up to them.]'' :'''Beatriz:''' Not another accidente! :'''Isabella:''' ''[scared]'' Ay. Dios mio! No! :'''Rex Salazar:''' It's okay, I'm fine. :'''Isabella:''' ''[pushes Rex down]'' My jogurt! :'''Rex Salazar:''' I'd hate to be the guy that has to clean that up... ''[whispers to man though they look at him]'' Oh. ''[Reynaldo hands him the mop.]'' :'''Beatriz:''' If I didn't know better, I'd say that someone was trying to kill us. :'''Reynaldo:''' Someone is. The head of the studio is trying to kill our soap opera. That's why he put us in this accursed stage, with all these accidentes. But we... ''[another stage light falls and hits his head, he falls to the ground]'' Aahh... Por que? Ay. :''[Rex looks up and sees a mongoose...runs after it...goes backstage. Sees clowns and a sign saying “Mongo”.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Ugh! Clowns. :''[The mongoose squeaks.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Lemme guess. You're the one who's been causing all the accidents. :''[Mongo growls, bears teeth]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, let's say we can wrap this up quietly. Last thing I need is someone wondering why the guy in the page jacket can do this. ''[wraps Mongo up in the whip thing, Mongo gets tiny, escapes, growls]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Guess that explains how you've been able to hide out back here. ''[Mongo pulls lever cannon comes out of floor and fires at Rex. Platform falls Rex dodges. Mongo squeaks]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Can we please do this a little more quietly and with a lot less YOU trying to kill me? :''[Mongo jumps into the “O” of his name on the sign.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Wait, that's you, isn't it? You just want your job back. I can help you. ''[reaches in and tries to cure him Mongo runs out and traps Rex's hand]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Enough with the booby traps, I'm trying to help you. ''[Mongo sets off another trap]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh-oh. [makes big fist, weight on rope swings and hits Rex, makes noise] :'''Beatriz:''' What's going on back there? :'''Isabella:''' Where is that page? I am beginning to wonder ...HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE FOR HIM TO CLEAN UP MY JOGURT!!!! :'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Getting thrown around back stage]'' Ouch. ''[gets beat up by mechanical clowns]'' :''[Mongo cuts stars from ceiling they fall and cut Rex's jacket]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Ok, New plan-- First I smash your face, then I cure you. :''[Mongo knocks over equipment]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' No. ''[grabs equipment, Mongo jumps on his arm, punches him and he falls]'' Oww! Look out! :''[Actors run from set, Rex falls and smashes set]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Uhh, okay here's the deal—all the accidents you've been having they were caused by an EVO backstage. It used to be a mongoose and now it wants it's old job back. ''[last wall of stage set falls behind him]'' :'''Beatriz:''' What are jou talking about? :'''Isabella:''' We just saw you ruin our set. :'''Reynaldo:''' You are trying to destroy this soap opera just like the rest of them! It is true what they say, this sound stage must be cursed for us to have such a horrible page such as you, Senior... ''[looks at name badge]'' Noah Nixon. :'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, wait. This isn't Noah's fault. :''[Three actors gasps]'' :'''Reynaldo:''' ''[tears off his own shirt]'' Now you insult us by talking about yourself in the third person! Somehow we must rebuild and finish our shoot! But as soon as we do, Noah Nixon, I will have you fired! :''[Workers fixing set, Rex's phone rings.]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex! Finally. How's the jacket? :'''Rex Salazar:''' Umm. Well, the good news is you won't notice the stain anymore. Hey uh, by the way, your page training, did it include anything about the creepy backstage in studio B? :'''Noah Nixon:''' What? Why are you-- :'''Rex Salazar:''' No reason. I was just thinking, hypothetically, what would happen if I used your jacket to take a quick peek at the telenovela and ended up chasing some killer EVO mongoose? Hypothetically... Uh...Noah? :'''Noah Nixon:''' Sorry, just trying to figure out how to tell my parents I have no future. :'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey I got this. I hit a little snag. Just keep your pants on. :'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[sitting the maintenance closet in his underwear]'' Heh! :'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry, look, you don't have anything to worry about all I have to do is catch the EVO before they finish shooting and clear my... your name. :'''Noah Nixon:''' You know what? I'm not worried. I am completely resigned to the fact that I am losing my job. ''[Noah hangs up on Rex. Rex hears dial tone.]'' :'''Beatriz:''' ''[to Reynaldo]'' You are bleeding! :'''Reynaldo:''' What I am is an actor! We must shoot this scene. We cannot let them cancel us! ''[moans and falls on his face crushing a chair]'' :'''Beatriz:''' You cannot go on. :'''Isabella:''' If only there were someone else here who knows our show, is fluent in Spanish, and will do a scene in which he kisses me. :'''Rex Salazar:''' I'll do it!!! :'''Reynaldo:''' You? The one who ruined our set and lied about the EVO? I'd rather die! But then, my life will surely end if the show is canceled, so maybe... But no! It's impossible. But yet, what is more impossible than a dream. Nothing means more than my dream of saving this telenovela! :'''Rex Salazar:''' So, is that a-- :'''Reynaldo:''' Si. You will be our savior. And then I will have you fired. Accion! :''[Rex is dressed as Reynaldo. Takes Isabella in his arms and looks deep into her eyes, smiles..then turns away, sees Mongo and gasps. Isabella pulls his face back to her and puckers for a kiss. Mongo squeaks and runs out the door and Rex turns his eyes towards it.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[thinking]'' Okay no kiss, but you're gonna save Noah's job! ''[groans]'' Nope. Doesn't make it any better. ''[Runs out Isabelle runs after him, trips on his wig and falls to the ground gasping, reaching after him]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[makes Rex Ride to chase Mongo down alley. Runs into a set. Falls]'' Where'd you go? :'''Guy in suit:''' You! Page! Take this script to post, pronto. :'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey wait, I'm not-- :'''Guy in suit:''' Oh? You're not going to do it? Are you talking back to me Mr.... Nixon? :'''Rex Salazar:''' No. Mr. Nixon is not definitely not talking back to whoever you are. ''[takes script, leaves]'' :'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[Points in the other direction of where Rex was going. Rex goes where he's pointing]'' :''[Rex walks by alley hears Mongo munching garbage, sneaks up, tries to cure it. It escapes, Rex corners it in dead end alley]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Oh you're not so tough when you can't hide, are you? ''[Mongo growls and grows huge]'' Oh so you can do that too. ''[Mongo roars, swipes at Rex with claws]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, watch the jacket. I'm in enough trouble already. ''[Sets down scripts. Big fists. Mongo shrinks to escape. Rex falls to the ground. Mongo gets huge again behind him, tries to stomp on Rex, Rex rolls out of the way, Mongo shrinks and runs away, Rex climbs out of hole in ground breathing heavily and falls to ground.]'' :'''Guy in suit:''' ''[walks up]'' Are you kidding me? You still haven't delivered that script? ''[Rex runs off]'' :'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[points in other direction, Rex runs that way]'' :''[Mongo jumps off roof grows huge lands on Rex, grabs script.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, gimme that! ''[grabs Mongo with big fist throws him into a stage building]'' :''[Rex looks in the hole into the stage.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. ''[runs off after Mongo]'' :''[Mongo throws him higher than the roof tops, Rex lands on big feet, Mongo tackles him. Rex lands in front of the post building, grabs remains of script out of Mongo's mouth. Mongo runs away, Rex gathers script remains and hands it to man at post door.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' I think this is for you. ''[runs after Mongo]'' :''[Phone rings]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' Did you catch it? :'''Rex Salazar:''' Not yet, but I delivered a script for you, well, most of it. :'''Noah Nixon:''' I am so dead. :'''Lady with clipboard:''' ''[grabs Rex by the collar]'' Noah Nixon, you're right on time for your two p.m. tour. ''[Gives Rex clipboard and keys]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Driving tram with tourists]'' Uh, there's a building where some TV shows are made and there's another one and oh great there's the giant killer EVO. :''[Mongo chasing tram, Rex steps on gas. Tram goes sloooow. Mongo attacks tram. Rex lands, catches tourists with big hands, flies off on hoverboard]'' :'''Tourist:''' They had better special effects at my kids' school play. :''[Back on soap opera stage]'' :'''Reynaldo:''' I need a bigger reaction from you. Bigger! :''[Rex crashes through ceiling with Mongo hanging on the bottom of his hoverboard, heading towards Isabella.]'' :''[Isabella screams and covers head, Mongo crashes into set]'' :'''Reynaldo:''' Yes! That's it exactly! :''[Mongo growls]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' Be careful or you're gonna get the hand. ''[big fists with right hand. Mongo jumps at him, Rex grins and raises his left hand and cures Mongo. Mongo lays on ground cute and unconscious.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' That's not the hand I meant. :''[Actors, stunned, applaud]'' :''[Rex picks up Mongo.]'' :'''Reynaldo:''' You are a good page, Noah Nixon. :''[Mongo wakes up runs around on Rex and perches on his shoulder cutely.]'' :''[At supply closet with Noah, Rex walks in holding torn up jacket]'' :'''Noah Nixon:''' Oh, my jacket! ''[Cuddles jacket, then holds it up and glares at Rex through the hole in it. Rex grins guiltily.]'' :''[Head Page walks in, Noah hides jacket, then realizes he is in underwear and tries to hide himself behind jacket.]'' :'''Head Page:''' I got a dozen calls from all over the lot about you, Nixon. I don't know what you were thinking. ''[He sits down, sweat runs down his face, he closes his eyes, frowns, runs head away. Head page grabs him and hugs him.]'' :'''Head Page:''' I'm proud of you, kiddo! It took me sixty seven years to make chief page. I bet you'll get the job in half that time. ''[Noah stands up holding jacket in front of him. Rex and Noah look puzzled Head Page walks to door, turns back]'' :'''Head Page:''' Oh and them soap opera fellas, eh, they got a special reward for you. ''[they look at each other with puzzled frowns]'' :''[Telenovela stage, Noah dressed as Reynaldo. Isabella kisses him.]'' :'''Reynaldo:''' And cut! You look differante than you did before, Noah Nixon. ''[Noah looks up at his blond eyebrows and takes off the wig and mustache. Smiles at Reynaldo. Reynaldo looks at him thoughtfully.]'' :'''Reynaldo:''' I can see you've been to makeup. Good you finally look like a real man! ''[Noah smiles.]'' :'''Rex Salazar:''' [peeking in from backstage, makes a jealous face as Noah is laughing together with the actors.] It's okay, it's okay. You're a good friend, you're a good friend. :'''Guy in suit:''' You! Quit talking to yourself and get me some coffee! ''[Rex runs off]'' Nixon! :''[Mongo looking down from rafters]'' ===Riddle of the Sphinx=== :'''Egyptian Guide:''' They uncovered the tunnel during routine sewer work. No one has set foot in here in over 3.500 years. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Providence doesn't work the location yet? :'''Egyptian Guide:''' ''[laughs]'' The antiquities comission does not like this Black Knight. They keep her busy with much paperwork. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' The maze looks like it extends for miles. They do that to keep looters out? :'''Egyptian Guide:''' Or to keep something in. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Anything that was trapped in here couldn't be alive after all this time. :'''Egyptian Guide:''' I-I-I must go. :'''Dr. Holiday:''': Watch out! Bobby traps. :'''Egyptian Guide:''' That's not what I'm afraid of. :'''Bobo:''' It's only been a few days since we heard from Holiday. :'''Six:''' Something's wrong. :'''Bobo:''' Maybe she wanted a vacation from you clowns. "Something's wrong." :''[Bobo grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' Providence! She in is trouble. :'''Six:''' Black Knight. And she has your better half. :'''Bobo:''' I'm predictin' an awkward situation. :'''Black Knight:''' Hello, Rex. If you came for your friend, I'll have to disappoint you. :'''Rex:''' That hairy creep? You can keep the traitor. Hey! My faithful guide, why don't you go away while we discuss business? :'''Bobo:''' It's me, you dopey tin can! Beat it! Or the boss lady's gonna get wise to our little switcheroo. :'''Rex:''' What's the campout for? :'''Black Knight:''' Routine scientific research. :'''Rex:''' Look, I know Holiday was here. What'd you do with her? :'''Black Knight:''' We arrived an hour ago. The locals say Holiday unleashed a monster down in the tunnels. The situation's under control. As soon as we've secured the tunnels, I'll send a team in to see if she's still alive. :'''Rex:''' I'm going with you. :'''Black Knight:''' You're going nowhere. You quit Providence. Unless you're recosindering? :'''Rex:''' Come on, guide. Holiday's in those tunnels. But Black Knight has a whole battalion of Providence goons guarding the entrance. :'''Six:''' I figured she'd be no help. That's why I found someone who knows a back way in. :'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The Kushari is healthy. For the stomach, good. :'''Rex:''' Enough about the Kushari! Where's the back entrance? :'''Egyptian Cooker:''' For so young, you in such a hurry. And old cook like me, I live by selling Kushari. Why not buy some? You buy, I give you more information. :'''Bobo:''' Ah, come on. Stop bein' so stingy. Buy some more. :'''Six:''' Where's the back entrance? :'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The sewer man-- They came to fix a leak. They found the tunnel to the entrance in my basement. :'''Bobo:''' Mmm! :'''Rex:''' Way cool! Maybe we'll see some mummies! :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex:''' Tell us where Holiday is! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Where do you think I am? :'''Six:''' Holiday! :'''Bobo:''' So, what's with the halloween get up, doc? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I found it in one of the chambers. Scares off the curious. I need to get to the bottom of all this before Black Knight. :'''Rex:''' The bottom of what? This is all ancient history? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' You can this ancient history? :'''Rex:''' That looks like a nanite! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's because it is a nanite. :'''Six:''' How could they have knowledge back then? :'''Rex:''' Aliens! Like the ones that built the pyramids. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' None of this is more advanced that the 21st century. It's not aliens. I think the answers lie behind this door. But I can't figure out how to open it. :'''Rex:''' Open the door? No problem, Doc! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Stop! This whole place is booby-trapped. We open this wrong, they'll bring the tunnels down on us. :'''Rex:''' If there's a wrong way to open it, then that means there's a right way, too. Maybe the nanite picture is a clue. The whole thing is rigged like one. Told you-- No prob. Whoa, mumies. :'''Bobo:''' What are you lookin' at, beautiful? :'''Rex:''' Ha! Awesome! I'd love to see the look on Knight's face when she finds out we've beat her here. :'''Black Knight:''' Then let me step a little closer so you can see. :'''Six:''' How'd you find us? :'''Black Knight:''' Your mole helped me. :'''Bobo:''' Sorry, pal. :'''Black Knight:''' I should have known better. It's old junk from the dead. :''[Black Knight gasps]'' :'''Guranset:''' Gharun Set is not dead. :'''Rex:''' Put her down! :'''Black Knight:''' This isn't the time for violence. Our host has forgotten his manners. I presume he hasn't had guests in a long time. :'''Guranset:''' Almost an eternity. Gharun Set said has waited for his release. Awaken this cursed prison through the ages. :'''Black Knight:''' You speak English. That is interesting. Who taught your own language, Gharun Set? :'''Guranset:''' I was taught by the great father. :'''Black Knight:''' Father? What did he look me? :'''Guranset:''' He is dead-- As all of you soon shall be! :'''Black Knight:''' Now's the time for violence. :'''Guranset:''' Aah! :'''Black Knight:''' A nanite disrupter. Something I had your brother's lab whip up. It's quite lethal. :'''Rex:''' Looks like the lab forgot to tell him that. :'''Guranset:''' The boy controls the engines of life? It can't be. I laid low the armies of six kingdoms, swordsman. You think your tiny blades can stop me? :'''Rex:''' Try this one for size! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex! :'''Rex:''' Huh? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' His staff is a nanite disrupter. Get it away from him. :'''Rex:''' Easier said than done! :'''Guranset:''' Haah! :'''Rex:''' Oh, mummies! :'''Bobo:''' Yeah, yeah, you got your mummies. I hope you're happy! :'''Six:''' Rex! We can handle this! He's getting away! :'''Guranset:''' One last trap to keep me imprisoned, father. Nothing will keep me from my destiny! You serve his plan, child, and don't even know it. :'''Rex:''' Everybody talk weird in ancient Egypt, or it is just your special thing? Uh... are they supposed to do that? :''[Rex sighs]'' :'''Guranset:''' Finally! I am free! :'''Six:''' These EVO's won't say dead. :'''Bobo:''' Their breath stinks, too! Ah, boy! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' You could thank me for saving your life. :'''Black Knight:''' Dr. Holiday, our lives are not safe yet. :'''Guranset:''' I am not alone. Together, we shall reconquer this land, and then.. the world! :'''Rex:''' Uh, I think the sun's baked him loopy. You can't reanimate that. It's a statue. :'''Guranset:''' This is not statue, child. It is a tomb. Arise, my mighty steed. Arise, my sphinx! :'''Rex:''' Providence, this is Rex. You may want to evacuate Cairo. :'''Guranset:''' This city is a blight upon my kingdom. All shall be as it once was. :'''Rex:''' I'm warning you, Gharun Set-- I don't want to have to get rough with you. Step off the pussycat. :'''Guranset:''' You presume to tell a pharaoph what to do. Be gone! :'''Six:''' Holiday. There's something I want to tell you before it's too late. :'''Bobo:''' Ugh. Hold still! Oh, no. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' All of them. Like the nanites keeping them alive... self-destructed? I'm sorry. What were you going to say? :'''Six:''' Holiday... I, uh... :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hold that thought. :'''Bobo:''' What's it gonna be, the kooky chicks or we go help Rex save the world? :'''Six:''' Rex probably has this under control. Holiday needs my-- our help. :'''Bobo:''' Yeah, I can't resist a good catfight either. :'''Rex:''' Let me handle! This it's too dangerous! :'''Pilot:''' Black Knight, target sighted. It's riding a 50-foot-tall house cat. Please advise. :'''Black Knight:''' Do not harm. Contain and capture. We need that specimen. :''[Black Knight gasps]'' :'''Black Knight:''' Pilot disregard. Last order. Target no longer needed. Destroy. Repeat-- Destroy. :'''Pilot:''' You're with the lady. Lock and load. :'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa! Get out of here! I don't know what he's up to, but it's not good. :'''Garunset:''' Behold the majesty of my dream. My kingdom! My paradise! :'''Rex:''' Whoa! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' What is this place? :'''Black Knight:''' It's the stuff of legends. The fabled hall of records which lay hidden beneath where the sphinx once was. :'''Bobo:''' "Was"? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' This can't be! That's the helix splitter. And that looks like a nano-flux inducer. Caesar built the first prototype of one last year. :'''Black Knight:''' I can't let you touch any of this. It's too unstable with age. When you blundered in the tomb, you set off a safeguard. Someone thought this room too dangerous for the world to know about. :'''Bobo:''' Agreed. Let's scram! :'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't! Don't you know what this means to science? The knowledge in here is invaluable. It cannot be lost-- Again! :'''Black Knight:''' It won't be! Now that we know where it is, we can dig it out later. We will study it. I promise you that. :'''Six''': Holiday. Let it go. :'''Guranset''': As father promised-- I will rule forever. :'''Rex''': Forever is gonna be shorter than you think. :'''Guranset''': No! Nooooo! :'''Rex''': Aw, come on! I didn't hit you that hard! :''[Guranset gasps]'' :'''Rex''': What's happening to you? :''[Guranset gasps]'' :'''Guranset''': Aaaaaaaaah! :''[Guranset grunts]'' :'''Guranset''': Do not touch your pharaoh. :'''Rex''': You need help. Your nanites are dying of old age-- I think. It's like starting an old car. Uh, o-or a camel. Let me help you. I can fix your nanites, and then maybe-- :'''Guranset''': Lies! :'''Rex''': You're in a strange time, a strange place. We have science, machines. We can help you. Trust us. :'''Guranset''': Like you trust the woman you call Black Knight? I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it. Father told me of you... Rex. :'''Rex:''' What? How do you know my-- :'''Guranset''': I would have helped the world. Ended the hunger, the wars. But now he will return. Avenge me. ''[Echoing]'' I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it. <hr width80/> :'''Black Knight:''' You wanted something? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' The hall of records-- You can't keep it a secret. It must be studied. That hall-- :'''Black Knight:''' What hall? :'''Rex:''' Why'd you do that?! Holiday said-- :'''Black Knight:''' Some secrets are best left buried under the sands, Rex. :''[Dr. Holiday grunts]'' :'''Black Knight:''' Gentleman. Dr. Holiday. :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, what'd you want to tell me back in the tomb? :'''Six:''' It can wait. :'''Rex:''' Don't wait too long. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' All those priceless artifacts. And we still don't know who created Gharun Set. ===Guy vs. Guy=== :'''Rex:''' This means war. <hr width80%> ===Double Vision=== : ''[The episode starts as a butterfly flies through plants in a flower shop. Suddenly, Rex is thrown into the shop window, making nearby civilians run away. Rex gets up and looks out of the broken glass, seeing a beastly plant EVO, a few people watching, and Agent Six slashing his swords around to evade the EVO's tentacles.]'' : '''Rex:''' ''[Pants and brushes leaves off his sleeve and puts on goggles.]'' Not bad! : ''[Uses the Punk Busters to jump out of the shop and generates his Smack Hands to uppercut the EVO, causing it to crash into a nearby building.]'' But I'm better! : ''[The EVO gets out of the glass windows and roars, attacking Agent Six.]'' : '''Agent Six:''' ''[Cuts off a tentacle and walks towards Rex.]'' Talk is cheap, Rex. Prove it. : '''Rex:''' ''[Generating the Smack Hands.]'' No problemo. : ''[The EVO rushes towards Rex, unfortunately, Rex grabs it and slams it onto the ground. A random girl is driving up the road on a moped. However, she is stopped as the EVO blocks the path.]'' : '''Rex:''' ''[Putting his hands up to assure the girl.]'' Nothing to worry about, I've got this handled. ''[Turns to EVO, whom is still on the floor.]'' Okay big guy, say adiós to those nasty nanites. : '''Rex:''' ''[Rex kneels down to cure the EVO, flowers spout out of the EVO]'' Aw, for me? Does this mean we're dating? : ''[Suddenly, the flowers shoot out some goo into Rex's face, making him slam onto the floor, a crowd forms around the battle.]'' : '''Rex:''' ''[Yelps while getting up and pulls his goggles off and wipes the goo off his face.]'' Oh, that's better. ''[He gives his goggles to the random female on the moped]'' Hey! Watch these for me. ''[Runs back into battle and generates the Punk Busters and kicks the blacked out EVO over a building.]'' Goal! Hey thanks for holding onto my...huh?... : ''[Rex turns around to see the girl missing from the crowd. Deforming his Punk Busters, he spots the girl riding away on her moped. She turns to look back at Rex, appearing to have on his goggles.]'' : '''Rex:''' Goggles! : ''[Rex puts one of his hands up to signal for her to wait, but the EVO returns and wraps its tentacle around Rex's neck. The EVO twists Rex in mid-air in the sky for a minute before slamming him onto the cement. Rex gets up and sees the goggle girl riding away out of sight.]'' : '''Rex:''' Hey! You've got my...ungh...goggles... Aah! Ungh! Did you see that girl?! She stole my goggles! : '''Agent Six:''' Priorities, Rex. : '''Rex:''' They are my priority, Six. I can pound EVOs any day. Those goggles are-- Ah, great. Who invited her? : '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, gentlemen. We've got this covered. : '''Rex:''' We don't need any help. Whoa! Whoa! Ungh! : '''Black Knight:''' Obviously. Control collar-- Now. We'll take it from here. : '''Rex:''' Take it from whe-e-re?! I've already got this under contro-o-o-o-l! Whoa! Ugh! Let me try to cure it. : '''Black Knight:''' The new Providence protocol is to confine, constrain and control. If curing is an option, it will be considered-- At my discretion. : '''Rex:''' Control? I can cure it now and end this. : '''Black Knight:''' The offer still stands. If you want to come back to Providence, you can continue your mission. : '''Rex:''' I have my mission! : '''Black Knight:''' Curing every EVO on Earth isn't a mission, Rex. It's an impossibility. : '''Rex:''' Watch me. : '''Black Knight:''' Everybody back! Contain those seedlings! : '''Rex:''' You just made it worse! Now I've got to clean up your mess. Starting with this guy. See? Fearing works! : '''Black Knight:''' It was your actions that exacerbated this situation. I want full containment and control over those seedlings. Move out-- Now. : '''Agent Six:''' While you were arguing, Holiday found another sprout. Let's go deal with that before Providence does. : '''Rex:''' But-- My goggles! : '''Agent Six:''' Focus, Rex. We've got work to do. : '''Rex:''' Nice work! : '''Agent Six:''' Drop in the bucket. Look below. : '''Rex:''' Wow. And I thought I'd be able to knock off early today. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' On the contrary, Rex. By overlaying current worldwide wind patterns on top of international population centers, we're looking at total global infestation within thirty-eight hours. : '''Bobo:''' Ooh, that's a lot of roughage. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' I need to get in the field and obtain some live samples. Bobo and I will meet you at the rendezvous point in the mobile command center. : '''Rex:''' Okay, doc. We're almost there. Hey! It's that girl! Wh-o-o-o-oa! : '''Agent Six:''' What's gotten into you, Rex? : '''Rex:''' My goggles-- I can't see without them! : '''Agent Six:''' Obviously, you can see without them. : '''Rex:''' Well, yeah, but I really need them a lot of the time. Don't you remember when I first got them? : '''Agent Six:''' Actually, no. : '''Rex:''' Oh. Sorry. My bad. It was early on, when I was just learning to control my powers. Whoa! : ''[Rex gasps]'' : '''Rex:''' Aaaah! Aah! Aaaaah! Oof! : '''Agent Six:''' Horse manure. : '''Rex:''' This is exactly why I need my goggles! Hey! I thought this thing was just a sprout! : '''Agent Six:''' It's the nature of plants to grow. : '''Rex:''' Hm. Very Zen of you, Six. Well, it's the nature of me to kick EVO butt! Whoa! Oof! Yuck! This stuff really stinks! : '''Agent Six:''' All yours. : '''Rex:''' Ta-da! And for my next trick... Oh, and look who's late to the party. : '''Black Knight:''' ''[Entering]'' Alpha team, I want you to lay down suppressive fire and-- : ''[Realizing the EVOs not there]'' : '''Black Knight:''' Belay that. Sit Ops, I was told we had a Class-Three EVO situation here. Where is the EVO? : '''Rex:''' ''[Rex hands her flowers]'' Sorry. This is all that's left. Six, are we good here? I've got to run. : '''Agent Six:''' I'd put those in water. : '''Black Knight:''' Unh! : '''Rex:''' Slow down! I just want to-- Ungh! : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex:''' Huh? What?! No way! Hey! You've got my-- Ugh! Whoa! ...Goggles. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've got bigger problems than a girl on a scooter, Rex. First a flower shop, then gardening supplies. It's getting hungrier. Gentlemen, I suggest you get to the sewage-treatment plant as quickly as possible. : '''Rex:''' Huh? Why? : '''Agent Six:''' Fertilizer, Rex, as in if those sprouts chow down on that much raw nourishment, we're in some deep... : ''[Plant EVO bursts through a nearby wall]'' : '''Rex:''' ...Horse maneure. Hungry? Eat this! : '''Agent Six:''' Holiday, get to the sewage plant. We'll meet you there after we clean up. : '''Bobo Haha:''' Clean up? I'd rather make a mess! Shoulda brought my chainsaw. : '''Agent Six:''' Shoot the seedlings! : '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, this time I'm going to-- : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Hey! Wait! Aw, man! Back off! : ''[Rex panting]'' : '''Bobo:''' You went a little nuts there, buddy. I like it! But... Goggles? : '''Rex:''' That EVO interrupted before I could finish the story. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Agent Six:''' Here, kid. Try these on. : '''Rex:''' Um, so I can look like a total doofus? : '''Agent Six:''' You have no idea how unique these goggles are, Rex. A reclusive weaponsmith in Zurich crafted this single pair before he turned EVO. : '''Rex:''' Really? And then what happened to him? : '''Agent Six:''' I did. He won't be crafting any more goggles. : '''Rex:''' Cool! : '''Agent Six:''' These are one-of-a-kind, Rex-- Special, for you. : '''Bobo:''' What a bunch of chimp chips! Those goggles are-- Whoa! : '''Rex:''' Wow. That is a lot of rampaging EVO. : '''Bobo:''' Yeah. Lucky holiday-- She's right in the thick of it. : '''Rex:''' Lucky? : '''Bobo:''' She gets to try out all the special modifications I made to that sweet ride. : ''[Dr. Holiday grunts]'' : '''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Plant EVO has Holiday trapped inside the Mobile Command Center]'' Okay. Let's see how you like 10,000 volts of-- : ''[Holiday presses a button, and music starts playing]'' : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo's mix tape?! Who puts the stereo next to the weapons system?! One more time-- Big red button. Always go for the big red button. Unless you don't want to drain the batteries to zero. : ''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo, your improvements could use some improvements. Rex, if you're not too busy, I'd appreciate a little assistance. : '''Bobo:''' Hey, ain't that your girlfriend? : '''Agent Six:''' She can take care of herself, right, Rex? : '''Rex:''' Right-- For now. : ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]'' : '''Dr. Holiday:''' That's more like it. Ungh! Fine! Let's see how you like this! I don't know what you just did, Rex, but thanks. Rex? : '''Black Knight:''' I admit our last encounter didn't end well, but I think we need to work together on this one. : '''Rex:''' You want to work together? We left Providence, remember? : '''Black Knight:''' Rex-- : '''Rex:''' What happened to "stay out of my way"? : '''Black Knight:''' Rex! : '''Rex:''' So now when you need somebody to take out your trash, you can just forget that I quit your crummy organization? : '''Black Knight:''' Yes, Rex, I can, because I don't let my emotions guide my choices. I only want what's best for Providence-- And the world. : '''Rex:''' Okay, cool. Just wanted to hear you say it. Aah! : ''[Rex grunting]'' : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, the EVO is too big to cure without getting to its core. : '''Rex:''' Yeah, well, I'm not doing much good out here! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' All those vines, the seedlings, everything-- They're just puppets to the plant. Stop those nanites in the core, and you cut the strings. : '''Rex:''' On it! Huh?! : '''Agent Six:''' Watch it, Rex. : '''Rex:''' Whoa! All I want are my goggles. All I've wanted all day are my goggles, and this EVOs been blocking me over and over! Hey, Bobo, you know how to shoot one of these? : '''Bobo:''' Eh, how hard could it be? : '''Rex:''' Load me into this thing and point it right at that EVO's sweet spot. And hurry. I got better stuff to do. : '''Bobo:''' You do know that's 30,000 gallons of raw sewage you're aimin' at? : '''Rex:''' Don't remind me. Oh... Yuck! Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck! : '''Agent Six:''' Elegant solution, Rex. : '''Bobo:''' You don't smell elegant. You stink worse than me. I'm a little jealous. : '''Black Knight:''' All right, Rex. Get to work. : '''Rex:''' Work? What do you mean? I just served that vegetable! : '''Black Knight:''' You cut the strings, but you still have to fix the puppets. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' She's right, Rex. : '''Black Knight:''' You want to cure the world? Start curing. : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex:''' Whoa, man, I'm beat! I don't think I can move another inch if you paid me. : ''[Goggle girl rides past him]'' : '''Rex:''' Gotta move! See ya! Hey! Stop for a second! Six, I'm really starting to think this girl's got some kind of EVO action going on-- Teleporter, speedster, something. : '''Goggle girl:''' Hey! : '''Rex:''' Huh? Six, she's not just a teleporter. She can make doubles of herself-- Multiple abilities! She's an EVO, like me! : '''Goggle girl:''' It's the skeevy guy who's been chasing me. He was chasing me, too. And me. What do you want? : '''Rex:''' You took my goggles! I want them back! : '''Goggle girl:''' Hey, Einstein, did you see our logo? That stands for "Goggle Girl", as in the delivery service. You haven't ever heard of us? : '''Rex:''' Um... No. : '''Goggle girl:''' "Nothing is cuter than a girl on a scooter." Kind of hard to miss. : ''[Goggle girl groans]'' : '''Goggle girl:''' It's the worst slogan ever. : '''Rex:''' But-- But my goggles! : '''Goggle girl:''' Part of our costume. The boss buys them in bulk, along with these cheesy wigs he makes us wear. It's kind of lame. : '''Rex:''' In bulk?! Those goggles?! But... They're one-of-a-kind! They're special! They're-- They're... I'll just go now. Nope. Nope. Definitely not. : '''Agent Six:''' I still don't know why those goggles were so important to you. : '''Rex:''' You gave to me, Six. It was the first present, the first nice thing that I remember getting since you found me. You said they were special, and that made me feel special. : '''Six:''' Yes, about those goggles... Apparently, according to Bobo, I may have misled you. There was dozens of them in the Providence service bay. : '''Rex:''' I knew the story was fake, but you told it because you cared about me. That's what made them special. : '''Agent Six:''' I see. : '''Bobo:''' Hey, champ. You got a package. : '''Goggle girl:''' Sign, please. : '''Agent Six:''' It's for you. From us. Just open it. : '''Rex:''' My goggles! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Better. We commissioned an enhanced version. : '''Rex:''' Cool! Infrared... Microscopic... Nanovision?! Thanks, you guys. You really are one-of-a-kind. : '''Bobo:''' Those are great, but these are me. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need to hold on to them for a few more hours while I run a full diagnostic. : '''Rex:''' A few hours?! I just got them! Aw! : '''Bobo:''' Here-- Because I care. : '''Goggle girl:''' They actually look kinda cute. : '''Rex:''' Hey, doc! No rush! : '''Bobo:''' Ain't love grand? ===Black and White=== : '''Calan:''' Be advised, we've got activity. Major activity. Stop right there, or we'll shoot! Don't make me do it. : '''Rex:''' Okay, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like. : '''Calan:''' Calan to command, tell Black Knight-- We have apprehended the intruders. Repeat, we got'em. : '''Rex:''' No! Get out of my head! Stop it! Stop! Stop with the talking! A dream. Oh, thank you! For a second, I swore that I heard his voice. It was almost like he was in the-- Room. Huh?! : '''White Knight:''' I was wondering if I was gonna have to send the monkey in with a bucket of water. But I thought, "why should he have all the fun?" Five minutes-- Situation room. Consider this your wake-up call. : '''Rex:''' Aren't you supposed to be playing dead? You're lucky Black Knight doesn't know you're here. : '''White Knight:''' Black Knight thinks what I want her to think. With the installation of the new regime, I suspected that there was more going on at providence than just this new control protocol. I decided to test my hypothesis. I needed time to operate freely without prying eyes. So I went off the grid. : '''Rex:''' And from the smell of it, you haven't changed out of your suit since then. : ''[Bobo sniffs]'' : '''White Knight:''' I've been busy. I've been tracking their operations. They involve familiar locales and even more familiar machinery. : '''Rex:''' You still use a camera with film? Do they even make that stuff anymore? : '''White Knight:''' What they don't make are machines like these. This is the wreckage of Rylander's lab. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Are they doing what I think they're doing? : '''Rex:''' Do what? : '''White Knight:''' It appears that this new Providence is restarting the nanite program. : '''Rex:''' There is no way my brother would help restart something that nearly destroyed the world. There's got to be a good explanation. We should just ask him. : '''White Knight:''' We can't risk direct contact. We need to infiltrate Providence, download her computer banks, and assess how far along they are before we take any other actions. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over there. : '''Rex:''' Just saying there's more here than meets the eye. Whoa! : '''Six:''' Breaking into Providence? That's a big move, even for you. Black Knight is sure to have enhanced the security systems. We may be able to breach the perimeter defenses, but once inside, we'd be blind targets. : '''White Knight:''' You'd be right if we were playing on her board. : '''Six:''' Forgive me for doubting you. : '''Rex:''' Okay, is someone gonna tell me what these are for? This is so not going to work. : '''Six:''' Trust the plan. : '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, so, maybe they worked. But how'd you get them to do it on cue? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' All a matter of timing. Assuming we get past the outer perimeter, securing the data is a completely different story. Providence encrypts all data. We need to disable multiple units before we can download anything off the mainframe. Doing that undetected is ''[sighs]'' insane. : '''Rex:''' Finally, a voice of reason. I'm calling my brother. Took the lady with three phds to realize what I've been saying all along is right. Hey, that costs money! I'm over my minutes! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you... This is... : '''Six:''' Doable. : '''Rex:''' Do what? What is that? A secret passage. : '''White Knight:''' When they built the tower, I had them install, these-- Upper-management corridors. : '''Six:''' In the old days, they called passages like these the king's road. : '''White Knight:''' From here, we face some unknowns. Stick to the plan. Or we could die. : '''Rex:''' What?! Me?! What about you?! Part of the plan was to do this quietly. : '''Calan:''' Stop right there, or we'll shoot! : ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]'' : '''Rex:''' Here we go. Ok, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like. : '''White Knight:''' Stand down, Rex. : ''[Calan laughs]'' : '''Calan:''' Welcome back, sir. We've been waiting for you. : '''Rex:''' Que, huh? : '''Calan:''' Sorry for the scare, Rex. We couldn't guarantee the Black Knight wasn't taper our communications. It was best to keep radio silence. In any case-- Say hello to your man on the inside. He've got a bomb! All units, fall back, fall back! Captain Calan, do you copy? Report. : '''White Knight:''' Ready for a repeate performance? : '''Calan:''' Ready when you are, sir. Good luck, everyone. They're headed for the... petting zoo. : '''Holiday:''' Here it is. Just like he said. : '''White Knight:''' This is the Hive. The central nervous system of the entire complex. An electric field protects the inner chambers. We'll need the circuit bandage. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' I've got an idea, but you'll have to go in partially naked. We've got eyes everywhere. : '''Six:''' Good. Knight and I will handle the encryption towers. You know what to do with this. : '''Rex:''' No sweat. I'm on it. Just have to make one quick detour. Bro? You in here? Oh, no. No, no, no! : '''Caesar:''' Rex, is that you? What brings you here? : ''[Six groans]'' : '''Six:''' Partially naked. Tower one clear. Proceed to next phase. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Got it. Redirecting the data flow now. : '''Calan:''' Anyone hear for the monkey? : '''Rex:''' Huh?! : '''Bobo:''' Offical pet desk. Keep your distance. : '''Rex:''' Is that Dr. Rylander? : '''Caesar:''' It is. Well, almost. After you brought back Van Kleiss, I couldn't help but to wonder if perhaps I might do the same for him. Unfortunately, Van Kleiss was already great in tune the nanites. As you can see, Dr. Rylander-- wasn't. : '''Rex:''' Ok, whatever. Listen, I'm here on a secret mission. : '''Caesar:''' Secret? : '''Rex:''' White Knight said-- : '''Caesar:''' White Knight is alive? : '''Rex:''' If you can call him that. Anyway, he says... you might wanna sit down for this part? That Black Knight is restarting the nanite program. Don't you think that's messed up? : '''Caesar:''' On the contrary. I'm in charge of it. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Commencing download in T-2 minutes. White Knight has infiltrated sector three. You're right. They are monitoring our movements. How did you know? : '''White Knight:''' It's what I would do. Now start evac protocols. : '''Black Knight:''' I've torn this facility apart looking for that? When I found it, I still couldn't get to it. Bio-feed security system-- Clever. You have to be nanite-free to open it. I guessed you weren't dead. I knew if I let enough info leak about what we're doing here, you've showed up, eventually. I'll take it. : '''White Knight:''' You can try. : '''Black Knight:''' What ever you say. You were the boss. : '''White Knight:''' That's not a providence toy. : '''Black Knight:''' A woman is entitled her secrets. Especially when those secrets keep me alive. : ''[Black Knight grunts]'' : '''White Knight:''' Ohh! What I could've done with you if I hired you first. : '''Black Knight:''' Don't fool yourself, White. : '''White Knight:''' Ohh, ohh, ohh! : '''Black Knight:''' You were bandage at best. the Consortium knew that you weren't the leader for the future. Stand down, old man! : '''White Knight:''' I've got a few secrets of my own, kid. After all, this was my office. Consortium or not, it will be again. : '''Black Knight:''' Ugh! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Be advised, they're on to us. Making for the rendezvous. : '''Six:''' I'll take my swords back now. Please. : '''Rex:''' What are you doing, helping Black Knight? She's obviously the more psycho of the two knights. : '''Caesar:''' I'm not helping the Black Knight do anything. I'm trying to fix things. The day everything changed. We never imagined what would happen when we released the nanites. : '''Rex:''' Release them?! You caused the nanite event?! : '''Caesar:''' It was the only way we were going to save the world. : '''Rex:''' You unleashed the worst man-made disaster the world has ever seen!! You've ruined countless lives!! How can you say that you saved anything?! : '''Caesar:''' You weren't there... not in any way that mattered! If we hadn't-- : '''Rex:''' Hold that thought. Here, doggy, doggy. : '''Six:''' Excessive? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Sweet, actually. Now you're overdoing it. : '''White Knight:''' ''[panting]'' Are we finished here? ''[screams]'' Careful, Black. Your council wouldn't be too pleased if you destroyed the very thing you're after. : '''Black Knight:''' If doesn't have to be like this, White! The Consortium may have lost faith in you, but you know my methods are right. Come back. Under my protection, who knows? There may even be a promotion in it for you. : '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters? : '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you? : '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters? : '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you? : '''White Knight:''' I am going to stop the Consortium. If you or Providence gets in my way, this tape goes public. : '''Black Knight:''' Wait! : '''Caesar:''' Rex, stop! You're destroying my work! : '''Rex:''' Your work is done! And so are we! I got it. Time to blow this-- : '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, Rex. Face it, kiddo... today is not your day. : '''Rex:''' Actually, today's wednesday, and wednesday means fiesta night at the cafeteria. Getting in is going to be cake... very dangerous cake. Any bright ideas on how we're getting out? : '''Bobo:''' I got one word for you, kid-- Plumbing. : '''Rex:''' I got it. Time to blow this... : '''Bobo:''' Taco stand. : '''White Knight:''' Aah! : '''Bobo:''' Me and Van Gogh, unappreciated in our time. : '''Rex:''' All of that-- Was for that?! I got nanites, billions of 'em. : '''White Knight:''' Not like this one, Rex. This is a Meta Nanite. One of several. Hardwired into its design is a program for the original Dominion Code. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Dominion Code? I thought that was a myth. : '''White Knight:''' I can assure you, doctor, it is very real. Each one gives its host control over different building blocks of the universe- matter, antimatter, elemental, space, time, reality. With the complete code, you can control them. And through them, you control ''everything''. In sort, it's the God Code. : '''Rex:''' The Consortium want to be...gods? : '''White Knight:''' If it wasn't for the original Nanite Event scattering the Metas across the globe, they may have already succeeded. The situation has changed, people. Black Knight has been searching the globe for the other Meta-Nanites. She needs them all to complete the Master Program. As long as we're keeping her secret, she'll hold off. But sooner or later, she'll be coming for this with the full power of Providence and the Consortium at her back. So... if you want to move on, forget what I've told you. : '''Rex:''' You're not getting rid of us that easily, old man. My parents died for this. Black Knight wants war, war she gets. ===Deadzone=== : '''Noah:''' You said it was gonna be fun. You said there'd be hot girls, great bands. : '''Rex:''' It was an honest mistake. They called it the world's largest british rock festival. : '''Noah:''' Yeah, because it was a convention for english geologists! : '''Rex:''' Okay, yes, maybe we did just drive two days for some boring science conference because I didn't actually read past the first paragraph of the website. But we did get some cool free Schwag. Look! : '''Noah:''' I've seen it. It's a pile of rocks! : '''Rex:''' No, look! : '''Feakins:''' Hey! What are you doing? Leave me alone! : '''Rex:''' Pull over. : '''Noah:''' You know that guy? : '''Rex:''' Nope. But I know an opportunity to tweak the Black Knight when I see one. : '''Noah:''' No way. I haven't showered in two days. You real haven't showered in two days. This car is not stopping until we get home. Real mature. : '''Rex:''' Just give me five minutes. I'll grab him before they even notice. Think of it this way. At least something fun will come out of this trip. Shh. : '''Feakins:''' I don't understand what you're saying, guy. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Providence Agent:''' Just take a stay back, Rex. You don't know what you're messing with here. : '''Rex:''' Yeah, well, you do know what you're messing with! This! Huh? : ''[Rex grunting]'' : '''Rex:''' Hey! Who's messing with this? : '''Providence Agent:''' Anything you want to add to that smack talk? : ''[Rex chuckles nervously]'' : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Providence Agent:''' Let's go. : '''Rex:''' I don't know what you did to my powers, but I'd keep the hands off the jacket, if I were you. Uh, on second thought, take the jacket. Thinking about a new one anyway. : '''Providence Agent:''' We're gonna bring him with us? He's harmless as long as we've got Feakins. : '''Rex:''' What's a Feakin? : '''Noah:''' Come on, Rex. You gonna stand there all night getting hugs from your old Providence buddies? : '''Rex:''' No, don't! Or, uh, you're gonna make Agent Six over there even more mad than he already is. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Providence Agent:''' Move! : '''Feakins:''' Aah! What are you doing, guy?! : '''Noah:''' So, what's-- : '''Rex:''' Drive! Drive! : '''Noah:''' Aah! Who is he?! What's going on? : '''Rex:''' Who are you? What's going on? : '''Feakins:''' Do either of you have a milkshake? : '''Providence Agent:''' Pull over! : '''Noah:''' You want to get them to stop that? What happened? : '''Rex:''' Let me guess. You're Feakins. : '''Feakins:''' Yeah, and I am very queasy back here! If we don't get me a milkshake, it's not gonna be my fault if my lunch ends up all over this very nice leather seat! : '''Rex:''' Somehow he's fritzing out my powers. It's like there's a deadzone around him. : '''Noah:''' You talking about nanites or his personality? : '''Providence Agent:''' No more warnings. Pull over! : '''Noah:''' Whoa! : ''[Noah gasps]'' : '''Feakins:''' We're not gonna make it! : '''Noah:''' Yes, we are! This is a '77! They don't make'em like this anymore! WHOO-HOO! Aah! : ''[Noah gasps]'' : '''Noah:''' That was a '77! They don't make'em anymore! My granddad's gonna kill me! : '''Rex:''' Looks like he'll have to wait in line. : ''[Feakins gasps]'' : '''Feakins:''' How great is this?! You guys were at the convention, too? : '''Rex:''' Come on! If we get out of here now, they'll spend the next couple hours looking for the car before they figure out where it went. : '''Feakins:''' So, what's your favorite geological area? I'm a proterozoic man. Of course, the hadean has its merits, too. : '''Noah:''' You couldn't take five minutes to read the whole website? <hr width80%> : '''Noah:''' Thank you! I can't tell you how glad we are you're open. I just want to get cleaned up and get some sleep. : '''Feakins:''' Hold on! Pardon me, but what kind of room service does this establishment offer? What if I want a milkshake? : '''Rex:''' And that kind of brings you up to date, doc. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Well, that explains why you suddenly dropped of my tracking grid. The good news is, the deadzone Feakins creates means the Black Knight can't use your nanites to track you either. : '''Rex:''' Now that Feakins isn't right next to me, it's not as bad. I can still feel them. It's just that they feel all fuzzy. I bet if I put some distance between us, my powers would bounce right back. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' You cannot let him out of your sight, Rex. Don't you see why Black Knight wants him? He's the ultimate insurance against any EVO. : '''Rex:''' Not just any. Me. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've got to hang on to him. I'm on my way to you now. : '''Rex:''' Hey, don't worry about me. I-I may not have my powers, but I've got Noah. We can handle things until you get here. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Just stay put and don't draw attention to yourself. : '''Feakins:''' I know this is your motel! But judging by your office, you and me got a different idea of what "clean" means! Can you believe that guy! : '''Rex:''' Yeah, the last part might be a problem, doc. : '''Feakins:''' Oh. Okay if you guys take this bed? : '''Noah:''' Providence we can deal with. It's him I'm worried about. : '''Black Knight:''' Speak. : '''Black Pawn:''' We lost them. : '''Black Knight:''' I want every asset we have in the state mobilized. Do you understand? Find them! : '''Noah:''' No way! You picked out this disguise. You wear it. : '''Feakins:''' I didn't know it was made of acrylic! You want me to have a relapse of my eczema? 'Cause it won't be pretty! I get all flaky! : '''Rex:''' Guys, the whole point of the disguises is to not attract attention. : '''Noah:''' Fine! Why do I always have to be the mature one? : '''Rex:''' Come on. : '''Feakins:''' We've only got a couple hours to get to our new rendezvous with Holiday. : '''Rex:''' Aren't you going to demand a milkshake? : '''Feakins:''' Thanks, guy. : '''Noah:''' What?! All you've done is moan about milkshakes. Because we were in a car. I don't get airsick. : '''Feakins:''' So, why would I need a milkshake? But if there's a decent sushi bar nearby-- : ''[Noah groans]'' : '''Rex:''' Wait. : ''[Feakins sneezes]'' : '''Feakins:''' What? I said I was allergic to acrylic! : '''Rex:''' Hang on! : '''Feakins:''' Whoa. You gotta stop this thing. : '''Noah:''' You gotta be kidding me! : '''Feakins:''' It's not my fault I got a delicate stomach! : '''Rex:''' Ugh! This isn't even really a car! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Oh! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Those two agents on the plane are gonna call in others. We gotta go! : '''Noah:''' How are we gonna get anywhere without a car? : '''Rex:''' We've got a chance we can get on a train. : '''Noah:''' It's pitch dark. We're never gonna find the tracks before that train passes! : ''[Feakins laughs]'' : '''Feakins:''' Yeah, very funny. Come on, guy, quit joking around. : '''Noah:''' What are you talking about? : '''Feakins:''' Well, given the shale and quartz in this soil, the train tracks have to be down that way. I mean, that's just obvious stuff to rock lovers like us, am I right? I don't believe it! An entire train car filled with ice cream... And there's no blender! : '''Noah:''' So close, and yet no milkshake. : '''Rex:''' Well, I'm starved. Let's eat. We're all gonna need our strength. Cherry-Berry Chunky Nut? : '''Feakins:''' I'm allergic to ice cream. : '''Rex:''' How can you love milkshakes and be allergic to ice cream? : '''Noah:''' Do you really want to hear him answer that? : '''Rex:''' Look, I'm sorry. I know it's been a crazy day for you. : '''Feakins:''' I woke up yesterday thinking I was just a regular accountant who loved rocks... Only to discover that I'm actually this super-important guy who everyone's after because I got some kind of amazing power! : '''Rex:''' Lucky you. Move! Move! We're close. We're going to make it to Holiday. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, I can't stay here. We'll have to meet somewhere else. : '''Rex:''' I see the perfect place. : '''Black Knight:''' Let's end this game, Rex. : '''Rex:''' Black Knight? : '''Feakins:''' I don't believe it. The Black Knight works at Bob's Biscuit Barn! : '''Black Knight:''' Now that we've found you, there's nowhere to hide. It should not have taken the most advanced satellite system in the world this long to pinpoint them. The excuses can wait. Right now, I want this wrapped up. : '''Noah:''' How did Black Knight know where we were? : '''Rex:''' I don't know. : '''Noah:''' Even if you make it to the Holiday, is Black Knight just gonna find us? : '''Rex:''' I don't know! : '''Feakins:''' When are we gonna get a milkshake?! : '''Rex:''' I don't know! : '''Feakins:''' I'm in a car. It's moving. I'm getting queasy back here. : '''Rex:''' Then get out of the car! : '''Feakins:''' Aah! : '''Black Pawn:''' Be advised-- Primary target Feakins is to be recovered alive if possible. : '''Rex:''' You know how I said we don't get through this, with or without my powers? Well, it looks like I was wrong. They're after Feakins. That means "Noah" has a shot at making a break for it and getting to Holiday. Do you understand what I'm saying? : '''Black Pawn:''' Let the breakaway go. And stay on the primary target. : '''Rex:''' Huh. I guess they're not afraid of me with you standing here. Which is... Awesome! : '''Black Pawn:''' Pull up! Pull up! : '''Rex:''' Mwah! Man, have I missed you! : '''Noah:''' Guess I don't need this anymore. : '''Rex:''' I can't believe that plan actually worked. : '''Noah:''' Feakins still has to make it to Holiday. : '''Feakins:''' Oh, I'm not feeling so good. : '''Rex:''' Whoa! : '''Black Pawn:''' The primary target is unconventional. Ground units, reroute to intercept. We will cover. : '''Rex:''' We're going after Feakins! Come on! : '''Pilot:''' Ground units are down. Moving to pursue a primary target. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Black Pawn:''' Stay on Rex. If we don't engage him, he'll tear us apart. : '''Noah:''' Whoa! : '''Rex:''' Sit tight. : '''Noah:''' Uh, where would I go? : '''Rex:''' Mind if I borrow this? : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Noah:''' Rex! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Providence Agent screams]'' : '''Rex:''' Ow! Hey, watch it! I'm still a little rusty here! These guys are tough. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Aah! Hang on to me! : '''Noah:''' Aah! Whoa! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Where's Feakins? : '''Rex:''' Oh, come on! This guy is killing me! : '''Noah:''' Maybe he'll still coming. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't wait. Providence followed you here. What? : '''Rex:''' We got him! Let's go! : '''Noah:''' It's too late. : '''Black Knight:''' Where is my visual? : '''Black Pawn:''' They're just gone. : '''Rex:''' What just happened? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's a prototype stealth device built into the lab. That's why I had to get you in here. It was the only way to get you out of Black Knight's sight. : '''Noah:''' So, that's it? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' That's it. The good guys won. : '''Rex:''' Oh, hey, by the way, doc, you're a big geology buff, aren't you? So, did we hook you up with the perfect safe house or what? You'll never have to worry about driving without a milkshake again. : '''Feakins:''' Oh, it's great, guy. The only problem is the gas. : '''Rex:''' Well, I'm sure we can kick in a little gas money, too. : ''[Feakins farting]'' : '''Feakins:''' Yeah, that's not what I meant. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, we can't stay. : '''Rex:''' You got that right! : '''Feakins:''' Wait. I just wanna say... Its not easy being thrown together with someone who can be a little, well... Difficult. : '''Rex:''' Hey... You're not so bad. : '''Feakins:''' Me?! I was talking about you! : ''[Black Knight sighs]'' : '''Black Knight:''' Since the search for Feakins is going nowhere, we have no choice but to become much more aggressive... With Rex. ===Assault on Abysus=== : '''Diane Farrah:''' Through research and hard work, Providence has turned the curse of the EVO into a blessing. One that will serve mankind. Science and compassion have created a new future for all EVOs. A future filled with happiness and hope. : '''Black Pawn:''' You? Seen some EVOs pass through here? <hr width80%> *Rex and Circe finally admit their true feelings for one another. Unfortunately, there was not enough episodes to explore their romance further. <hr width80%> : ''[Somewhere in [[w:Hong Kong|Hong Kong, China]]'']'' : '''Circe:''' Okay. They're gone. : '''Skywwd:''' For now. Get out of here, Circe. Run! : '''Circe:''' I'm not leaving you guys. : '''Skywwd:''' You can pass as human. Go-- Before Providence gets you too. : '''Black Pawn:''' The girl! She's with them! : '''Skwwyd:''' Run! : '''Rex:''' Hmm? What's up? : '''Circe:''' You're the only person I could turn to. : '''Rex:''' Circe? : '''Circe:''' I don't know. That's the hardest part. : '''Rex:''' You did what you had to do. : '''Circe:''' I left them there, Rex. Our friends. Providence has to be stopped. Someone needs to do something. : '''Rex:''' ''[puts his arms around Circe to comfort her]'' We are. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Am I disturbing you two? : '''Rex:''' No. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight wants to talk with you. : '''Rex:''' Ugh. What's he gonna yell at me for this time? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' No, I meant Circe. He wants to talk to her. : '''Circe:''' Providence has been hunting these down, too? : '''White Knight:''' You didn't tell her about them, Rex? : '''Rex:''' I thought the Master Control Nanites were supposed to be top secret. : '''White Knight:''' She has to know if she's going to lead the mission. : '''Rex:''' Her? That was supposed to be my mission. : '''White Knight:''' It's no one's mission. It's about getting the job done. : '''Circe:''' Why me? : '''White Knight:''' Intelligence indicates that Providence has targeted a Master Control Nanite in Abysus. In Van Kleiss' old castle, to be more precise. You're the only one with the knowledge to get us in there. : '''Rex:''' I've been there before. How hard could it be? Circe, you don't have to. : '''Circe:''' If it helps stop Black Knight in Providence, I'm in. : '''Rex:''' Okay, Doc. We made it. The new power suit gave me more range, just like you said. : ''[Circe whistles]'' : '''Circe:''' Thanks, Banak. We're trying to keep a low profile. Don't tell anyone, okay? : '''Rex:''' Good thing you knew the secret whistle or we might have been rooting around forever. : ''[Rex chuckles]'' : '''Rex:''' Get it? "Root"? Uh... This can't be easy coming back here. I owe you. : '''Circe:''' Forget it. We're even. I used you in the past, now you and your friends are using me. : '''Rex:''' Is there some sort of problem between you and me? : '''Circe:''' There's nothing between you and me. Just the mission. I don't have good memories of this place. Let's just leave it at that, okay? : '''Rex:''' Fine. I'm surprised we haven't run into-- Ugh! : ''[Circe echoing roar]'' : '''Skalamander:''' Traitor! Stop her! : '''Circe:''' Aah! : '''Rex:''' Can you chill?! There's no time for this. Who's leading you now that Van Kleiss is gone? I need to speak to your leader. Figures. Biowolf, we have a problem. And... I need your help. : '''Biowulf:''' I will listen. : '''Rex:''' Great, because-- : '''Biowulf:''' Only after you. earn the right-- Through combat. : ''[Biowulf growls]'' : ''[Rex spits]'' : '''Rex:''' At least Van Kleiss was civilized. Buckle up, dog boy. : '''Biowulf:''' You may speak. This nanite you want-- It's not here. None of us have seen it up in the castle or the blast source. : '''Rex:''' I didn't say up. It's down. White Knight thinks it's under the castle. Some other secure lab area. : '''Biowulf:''' The primary chamber? : '''Circe:''' It's under the castle? Van Kleiss always said it was forbidden for us to go there. : '''Rex:''' You think he remembered to tell Black Knight that? Let me take it out of here. : '''Biowulf:''' No! You're a traitor to your own kind. A lapdog to these humans. I've heard enough! : '''Rex:''' All of us will fall-- All EVOs-- If she gets it. Black Knight is worse than you know. If I don't get the nanite out of here, Providence will take it. : '''Biowulf:''' Providence! This is Abysus, the heart of the EVO world. Providence wouldn't dare. : '''Circe:''' The sentries have spotted something. : '''Rex:''' Yeah. I wonder who. : '''Providence Soldier:''' Black Knight, the assault forces are in place. : '''Black Knight:''' The field is yours. We've secured the borders. No chance White Knight and his team will get in the country to interfere. : '''Biowulf:''' The castle is surrounded. : '''Rex:''' Standard operating procedure for Providence is to secure the perimeter, then close for attack. Black Knight will have snuck forces around back. : '''Skalamander:''' How should we counter? : '''Rex:''' Easy. : '''Biowulf:''' You take your nanite. I'll decide how to deal with the invaders. : '''Black Pawn:''' Deploy the collars. Rise. Forward. Attack. : '''Rex:''' The nanite event blew away half the castle. This must have been deep enough to survive it. Huh? You hear that? : '''Circe:''' No. Hear what? : '''Rex:''' Uh... Nothing. This place would make a great rec room. Maybe a karaoke machine over there-- : '''Circe:''' Van Kleiss would send volunteers down here to try and get in. None of them ever came back. : '''Rex:''' Well... That's encouraging. : '''Circe:''' What is it? : '''Rex:''' They're... I-I think they're nanites. They're following our lights. They can't see in the dark. I have a plan. Lead them back. : '''Circe:''' ''[concerned]'' Rex? : '''Rex:''' When I say "roll," roll. : '''Circe:''' What?! : '''Rex:''' Roll! Circe, sing! : ''[Circe uses her ultrasonic blasts on the EVOs and beams at Rex.]'' : ''[Circe echoing roar]'' : '''Rex:''' We always made a good team. : '''Circe:''' It won't hold them long. : '''Rex:''' You think this is why Van Kleiss always wanted me-- So I could get him in here? : '''Biowulf:''' Providence has breached the castle. We can't hold our position much longer. : '''Rex:''' Go. I'll get the Master-Control Nanite. ''[Notices how worried Circe is about him probably not returning]'' This isn't Hong Kong. I'll be okay. I'll meet up with you soon. : '''Biowulf:''' They've turned our own people against us. : '''Circe:''' Let me see what I can do. : ''[Circe uses her ultrasonic bursts on several collared EVOs]''. : ''[Circe echoing roar]'' : ''[Circe gasping]'' : '''Circe:''' So many. : '''Biowulf:''' You can't stop the ones they've collared. : '''Circe:''' I can go down trying. : ''[Circe echoing roar]'' : '''Black Pawn:''' Her sonics are disrupting the offensive. : ''[Circe echoing roar]'' : '''Black Pawn:''' Hyah! Unh! : '''Biowulf:''' If we can't defeat them, we'll take down as many as we can fighting. : '''Circe:''' This isn't one battle. It's a war. And we can't let it end here before Rex has the Master-Control Nanite. : '''Biowulf:''' What, then? : '''Circe:''' Tactical retreat. : ''[Circe whistles]'' : '''Rex:''' Huh. Dad. : '''Providence Soldier:''' Outer rooms of the castle secured. : '''Black Pawn:''' I don't need you here, Black Knight. It's only a matter of time. We will take the castle piece by piece. : ''[Skalamander growling]'' : '''Black Pawn:''' You are ours now. Down. : ''[Skalamander grunting]'' : '''Skalamander:''' Rex is here. He will make you bow to us! : '''Black Knight:''' This is all a diversion. Find Rex before he gets the Master-Control Nanite. : '''Black Pawn:''' Yes, Ma'am. : '''Black Knight:''' Either you do it or I will. I'm on my way. : '''Rex:''' This place... Rylander had the same type of lab. : '''Soldier:''' Security system engaged. : '''Rex:''' No! : '''Soldier:''' Intruder. Provide authorized identity or be terminated. Identify. Identify. Identify. Identify. : '''Rex:''' Aah! I'm Rex! Rex Salazar! : '''Soldier:''' Salazar genetype-- Accepted. : ''[Rex sighs]'' : '''Rex:''' There you are, you little troublemaker. You're coming home with the good guys. Uhh. Weird. Uh... I don't suppose you're looking for the karaoke machine? Running into you-- What a coincidence. Come down here a lot? Whoa! Missed me. : '''Black Pawn:''' I have the nanite. Keep the boy busy while I get it to Black Knight. : '''Rex:''' No! : ''[Circe echoing roar]'' : '''Rex:''' You two sure know how to make an entrance. : '''Circe:''' The others are getting hammered by Provindence. They're barely holding them off in the dungeon. : '''Rex:''' Gee! Van Kleiss has a dungeon. What a surprise. : '''Biowulf:''' This is no joke. They might die because I came down here to save you. : '''Rex:''' I won't let them get taken. I promise you that. But I need you to let me call the shots. : ''[Biowulf sighs]'' : '''Biowulf:''' Very well. : '''Rex:''' Circ, dungeon left or right? : '''Circe:''' Left. The dungeon's the other way. : '''Rex:''' I'm not looking for the dungeon. I'm looking for the scouts. : '''Black Pawn:''' Nothing. : '''Rex:''' Well, maybe a little something. : ''[Circe echoing roar]'' : '''Rex:''' Scouts. Classic Providence tactics-- So they don't get ambushed. Uhh. What is this place? : '''Biowulf:''' The old reservoir. It goes to the river. : '''Rex:''' Perfect. ''[deep voice]'' Scout to command. West wing, reservoir-- We've found a back way onto what must be the main EVO force. It's five times the size of what you're fighting. : '''Black Pawn:''' Roger, scout. All forces, withdraw from dungeon siege. Report to west wing, reservoir. Ambush maneuver lambda. : '''Rex:''' ''[normal voice]'' Get your troops. It's bath time. : '''Biowulf:''' Now you bow to Rex! : '''Rex:''' The Providence goons are contained, Biowulf. They shouldn't be any more trouble. And I got the Master-Control Nanite. Looks like mission accomplished. : '''Circe:''' Rex, I-- : ''[She and Rex cling to each other as the castle begins shaking.]'' : '''Black Knight:''' Rex, order your friends to surrender. You're all under Providence custody. I always knew it might be impossible to capture the Master-Control Nanite in the heart of the nanite infestation. So the solution was to remove it. : '''Circe:''' It's Hong Kong all over again. : '''Rex:''' No. We can fight. We'll double back and-- A-and then-- : '''Biowulf:''' Go! Get the nanite out of here! : '''Rex:''' No! I promised you! : '''Biowulf:''' You were right. That nanite is more important than anyone here. Including myself. I am the leader. I give the orders. Run! : ''[Rex panting]'' : '''Rex:''' They were counting on me. I don't want to leave them. : '''Circe:''' I did what I had to do. You do what you have to. I want you to know, all this was never about me just using you. : ''[Circe gasps]'' : ''[Finally admits her true romantic feelings for Rex in the form of a passionate kiss. She then pushes a shocked Rex off the ledge, so he could escape; and her getting collared and captured in his stead. She smiled with tears in her eyes, with the promise that she would be okay.]'' <hr width80%> :'''Rex:''' ''[burdened by Circe admitting her intense love for him and sacrifice]'' We all make sacrifices for the things we care about-- The people we love. But when the stakes are this high, who can we trust? What would that power do to anyone who had it? They attacked Abysus. What's stopping them from attacking us for these nanites? : '''White Knight:''' They will-- Sooner or later. That's why I want to turn the tables on them first. : '''Rex:''' You know how to do that so we survive in one piece? : '''White Knight:''' Not yet. ===Remote Control=== : '''Bobo:''' Providence goons are thick as fleas tonight, and I know fleas. : '''Rex:''' We're gonna be late if we have to keep sneaking around. : '''Bobo:''' After you. : '''Skwydd:''' Rex must have bailed on us-- Again. : '''Cricket:''' He would never do that, Skwydd. And besides, he dad to fly all the way to Honk Kong on his own. Give him some time. : '''Tuck:''' He's here! Everything okay, Rex? : ''[Skwydd hissing]'' : '''Skwydd:''' Cricket, Tuck, this way! : ''[Skwydd grunts]'' : '''Skwydd:''' Ow. Yeah, I think I'll stick to ink. : '''Cricket:''' We need to find Rex. : '''Skwydd:''' He was supposed to find us. : '''Tuck:''' How are we gonna-- : '''Quarry:''' Wrong. They'll be coming with me. Anybody got a problem with that? : ''[Quarry laughs]'' : ''[Quarry grunting]'' : '''Rex:''' Tuck? Cricket? Skwydd? : '''Bobo:''' Oh, yeah, they were here. This came out of Skwydd. Mm. : '''Rex:''' Ew! If those Providence goons hurt them, I'm gonna-- : '''Bobo:''' What do you say you use a little of that aggression and get some answers, champ? : '''Rex:''' What did you do with my friends? Quarry? : '''Cricket:''' If you think we're going to thank you for getting us out of there, Quarry. : ''[Quarry laughs]'' : '''Quarry:''' I think you're going to do exactly as I say. : ''[Activates the mind-control collar on her neck]'' : '''Cricket:''' Aah! : '''Bobo:''' Occupied Hong Kong-- What a dump! Where to, chief? : '''Rex:''' I have no idea. How did he get away from Van Kleiss? How is he even alive? : ''[Rex sighs]'' : '''Rex:''' It's cool. We're not going to hurt you. What's Providence turned into? This whole city is living in fear. : '''Bobo:''' Well, we ain't gonna find my answers in this alley. I got a guide book. Ooh! A coupon for all-you-can-eat dim sum. What? A chimp's gotta eat. : '''Rex:''' Okay, let's go. But keep moving. Maybe we'll turn up a clue. : '''Bobo:''' Aw, this just breaks my heart. All that grub and no one to eat it. : '''Monster EVO:''' Can you help a fellow EVO who's down on his luck? : '''Rex:''' I can do better than that. Let me take care of this for you. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Ow! : '''Bobo:''' I wanna order some chow to go. Give me some of those chicken feet, and give me the beaks, too. : '''Rex:''' I thought that collar was supposed to make you mellow! What? Now you know Kung Fu? I don't have time for this. : '''Bobo:''' Hey, buddy. It looked like you could use some-- Hey, where'd the charity case go? : '''Rex:''' He had to leave suddenly. All yours. I need some time to think. : '''Bobo:''' More for me! Go off and think your brains out, pal. You know where to find me. Ah, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship, my beak-dealing chum. And speaking of chum-- : ''[Bobo sniffs]'' : '''Bobo:''' Do I detect the delightful aroma of fish heads? : '''Gamer boy:''' Hey, kid! You like video games? Want a cool job? : '''Rex:''' I already have a cool job. : '''Gamer boy:''' This is the coolest job you'll ever have. Mr. Quarry, pays top dollar for good players and I can set you up. : '''Rex:''' Quarry? Tell me more. : '''Huckster:''' ''[Cockney accent]'' Okay, kids. Looks like we're all here, right? Let me show you around. : '''Quarry:''' What do you matter, the big fish? Time to reel him in. : '''Huckster:''' This is all state-of-the-art stuff-- Exciting, new tech. You get to play as an EVO and go on a Crown Street. How cool is that? : '''Rex:''' Hey! That looks like the EVO that jumped me. : '''Huckster:''' We model our characters from actual EVOs. This is as close to reality as you can get. : '''Rex:''' Hey! You guys! Oh, am I glad to see you! I-- Take that back. You've been collared! Let me help you! : ''[Skwydd hissing]'' : '''Rex:''' Cricket, it's me-- Rex! You used to have a crush on me! : '''Cricket:''' Ugh! : ''[Cricket sighs]'' : '''Cricket:''' Rex, I'm so sorry. I knew what I was doing, but I couldn't control it. : '''Rex:''' I'm okay, Cricket. You've been working on that jab, though, haven't you? : '''Cricket:''' They're getting away. : '''Rex:''' Let them go. They'll lead us straight to Quarry. : '''Cricket:''' "Used to have a crush"? : '''Rex:''' Infrared. Nice move. Providence Convoy. Great. : '''Cricket:''' Whoa! Aah! Ugh! Aah! : '''Rex:''' Come on, Cricket. We do this all the time. Uh, hair. Please. : '''Bobo:''' Hey, give me some more of these deep-fried shrimp heads and a bunch of those fresh spring rolls. Hey, give me the stale spring rolls while you're at it. : '''Female vendor:''' No more food! You have to go! : '''Cricket:''' I recognize this place. It's where Quarry took us after we were collared. It's probably a setup. : '''Rex:''' It's definitely a setup. You ready to go in? : '''Cricket:''' You know how collared EVOs follow kind of like a robot. with these collars, it's worse. It's like you're a remote-controlled robot. : '''Rex:''' That is a nasty hack. : '''Cricket:''' It's bad enough working for Quarry. When you have free will but this-- : '''Rex:''' Skwydd! Tuck! I don't wanna hurt you. : '''Quarry:''' Glad to hear that, Rex. Your friends are very valuable to me as are you. : '''Rex:''' Like the new look- strapping. : '''Quarry:''' Let's just say I had to find a way to "keep it together" after my visit to Abyus. Just one more thing you owe me for and you know how much I like a balanced book. : '''Cricket:''' Rex! No! : '''Quarry:''' You'll be the crown jewel of my EVO army, Rex. I may just make you my own personal slave. That collar suits you, Rex. Wish I'd had one for you back in the old days-- Would've saved me a lot of trouble. : '''Cricket:''' Rex! : '''Quarry:''' Oh, right. Cricket. Rex, be a good little helper and hold her down, would you? : ''[Cricket gasps]'' : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Quarry:''' Rex? Rex! I command you to stop! : '''Rex:''' I quit listening to you a long time ago. : '''Skwydd:''' Rex, I'm sorry. : '''Rex:''' Never mind, Skwydd. Help me with Tuck. Aah! Oh, man! These nanites are smarter than usual. : '''Cricket:''' Hurry, Rex! : '''Rex:''' Whew! Don't think I'll be doing that again soon. : '''Tuck:''' Thanks, man. Those all kinds of weird. : '''Quarry:''' I've decided that you brats are not that valuable to me. Kill them all! : '''Rex:''' We'll see. : '''Tuck:''' Spinning donkey? Since when do street EVOs know Kung Fu? : '''Rex:''' I know, right? How are you doing this? How are you controlling these guys. : '''Quarry:''' I'm not would take an army of operators to control this many EVOs. I merely provide the funding and equipment. The streets provide the manpower-- Or should I say-- : ''[Quarry chuckles]'' : '''Quarry:''' Bratpower? And I paid top dollar for good players. At least by their sad standards. : '''Rex:''' The arcade. All those kids! : '''Quarry:''' Those brats were born to play games, which is what they think they're doing. And I thank your people for the tech. That brother of yours is quite the wiz, kid. : '''Rex:''' Caesar would never! : '''Cricket:''' Forget about Caesar, Rex. You know what you've got to do. : '''Rex:''' These guys will shred you if I leave! : '''Tuck:''' We got this, Rex. Go! : '''Quarry:''' Once I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pop your head like a grape! : '''Bobo:''' Oh, I am one stuffed monkey. Ooh, this might just be the year I floss. Hey! I know that noise. That's Rex. I'm coming, champ! : ''[Bobo groans]'' : '''Bobo:''' Ooh, I better take it easy, or I'm gonna deliver a street pizza. : ''[Bobo groans]'' : '''Female vendor:''' Next time, you're on the menu! : '''Rex:''' Ugh! Unh! : '''Quarry:''' You were a good earner once, Rex. But lately, you've been costing me too much. : '''Rex:''' Ugh! : '''Quarry:''' Now... you... pay! : '''Cricket:''' No tongues! : ''[Rex groaning]'' : '''Rex:''' Hyah! : ''[Quarry laughs evilly]'' : '''Quarry:''' Consider the fact that you made me like this while I'm crushing you. : ''[Quarry grunting]'' : '''Quarry:''' What? : ''[Quarry straining]'' : '''Quarry:''' No! Unh! No! AAAAAH! : '''Rex:''' Bad move, Quarry. Now, where's the "off" switch? Bingo. : ''[Rex sighs]'' : '''Rex:''' Okay. : '''Tuck:''' Uh, what just happened? : '''Cricket:''' Rex happened. : '''Gamer boy:''' No way. We were actually fighting real people? I'm outta here. : '''Tuck:''' Nice move, Rex. I guess Quarry eats it again. : '''Cricket:''' Where is Quarry, Rex? : '''Rex:''' He bit off more than he could chew. Speaking of which, I'm starved. Who wants to grab a bite? : '''Bobo:''' Ohh. Hey, Rex, when are we gonna see some action? : '''Rex:''' I, uh, kind of took the initiative while you were chilling out. Wanna get some dim sum? : ''[Bobo gags]'' : '''Bobo:''' Uh, no, thanks. I've had all I can eat. : ''[Bobo gags]'' : '''Rex:''' Can we use your coupon? : ''[Bobo gags]'' : '''Skwydd:''' You seriously thought you were gonna blow us off? : '''Tuck:''' Not "we." "You." : '''Rex:''' I came as soon as I could-- Honest. : '''Cricket:''' You mean you didn't make a detour to Tokyo to buy anime? : '''Rex:''' Okay, almost as soon. But it all turned out fine. And the most important thing is, we put a stop to that tech before there was enough of it to start a real army. : '''Tuck:''' You can say that again. : '''Skwydd:''' ''[Chuckling]'' Yeah. : '''Rex:''' Now, hurry up and eat this before my chimp finds us. Mmm! : '''Build worker:''' Okay, guys. That's the last of them. Provindence needs these machines on the next cargo ship. Let's move! ===A Brief History of Time=== : '''Van Kleiss:''' 4.000 years from my destination, and I've run out of of time. I've scarcely completed the vessel which shall deliver me to my own era. Gharun-Set, activate the traps-- Quickly! My greatest creation-- So useful to me, but too dangerous to roam free. If only I had time to destroy him, as I should. But I have a more pressing death I must prevent. My own. AAAAAAAAAAAH! : '''Rex:''' Kind of defeating the whole stealth element of a stealth suit, Bobo. : '''Bobo:''' Hey, now was I supposed to know that ghanoush went bad? : '''Rex:''' Maybe because you found it in a garbage can. : '''Bobo:''' On top of a garbage can. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to Rex. Are you at the site? : '''Rex:''' There is not site, remember? Black Knight blew the pace to kingdom come. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Yet it's still guarded. And thanks to the data you stole from Providence, we know why. : '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss back in time? I still find it hard to believe. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' You were sent six months into the future, Rex. It stands to reason that the reverse is possible. : '''Rex:''' Well, if you expect to find him here, maybe we should check the mummy museum. We're sensing nanites-- Definitely V.K.'s. They've been dead a long time. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over 4,000 years. I'm also detecting tachyons-- Quantum particles that travel in time. I think it's clear what he was making. : '''Bobo:''' A latrine? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' A time machine. : '''Rex:''' No way he pulled it off! If mister ego made it back to here and now, we'd know about it. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Some of these nanites are considerably younger. That means he was there in two different time periods. : '''Rex:''' Time travel gives me a headache. Just tell me-- Where is he now? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' The more accurate question is, when is he? : '''Van Kleiss:''' AAAAAAH! : ''[Van Kleiss gasping]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! The ordeal is... draining. But now, back in my own time, I can replenish my nanite reserves and-- : '''Gladiator #1:''' Quis es tu? : '''Van Kleiss:''' I recognize the language, of course-- Classical latin. Qui-- Q-Qui annus est? : '''Gladiator #1:''' What year is it? You dare question a captain of the imperial guard? Aegyptus is a roman Providence! Answer! Who are you? : '''Gladiator #2:''' Don't bother-- He's clearly sun-mad. : '''Van Kleiss:''' The dialect, the dress-- This is the second century A.D. A mere 2,000 years has passed. I'm only halfway home! : '''Gladiator #1:''' Another escaped slave. Finish him and be done with it. : ''[Gladiator #2 grunts]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' It was all the fight I could muster. I had no way to replace the nanites I'd spent in the journey, and my gauntlet had yet to recharge those that remained. : '''Gladiator #2:''' This one shows spirit. He'll bring a good price in the arena. : '''Van Kleiss:''' OOMPH! : ''[Van Kleiss groans]'' : '''Gladiator #2:''' Save your strength. : '''Gladiator #3:''' Where you're going, you'll need it. : ''[Van Kleiss slurps]'' : ''[Van Kleiss gulps]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' I intend to. Of the mysterious force, there is no sign. Yet I sense it is close-- Pursuing me even across the centuries. I am convinced it is a manifestation of time itself. My presence is a violation of physics-- An imbalance which the time stream seeks to correct... By wiping me from existence. But of this, I am certain-- If I do not return to my own time, it will surely destroy me. : '''Gladiator #1:''' You are fortunate, slave. To die in the arena is a great honor. : '''Van Kleiss:''' An honor I look forward to bestowing. : ''[Gladiator #1 laughs]'' : '''Gladiator #1:''' You see? Spirit! : ''[Van Kleiss groans]'' : '''Gladiator #3:''' Put on a good show, little man, and I promise to make your end a painless one. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Indeed? : ''[Gladiator #3 grunts]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' I, on the other hand, make no such promise. : ''[Gladiator #3 grunting]'' : ''[Van Kleiss grunting]'' : '''Gladiator #3:''' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! : ''[Gladiator #3 groans]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' One against so many? Hardly seems fair. For them. : '''Gladiator #4:''' ARRRGHHHH! : '''Van Kleiss:''' Ordinarily, I'd say "take me to your leader," but I believe he's already here. : '''Septimius Severus:''' Great warrior... Never have I seen such a battle. I am... : '''Van Kleiss:''' Septimius Severus, 21st emperor of Rome, founder of the severan dynasty. And, as I recall, you poisoned your own commanding officer to get his position... And wear only boots to conceal a prodigious clubfoot. : '''Septimius Severus:''' Are you a man... Or a God? : '''Van Kleiss:''' I find both labels rather limiting. Now, then, you are going to give me whatever I require, starting with a quiet place to work. I, in return, shall ensure the growth and security of your reign as emperor. You may call me Van Kleiss. : '''Septimius Severus:''' Whatever your desire, great Vanklios. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, it's... Got a rather nice ring. : '''Rex:''' What's with this guy? Gets a portrait done in every time period? : '''Bobo:''' Mm. ''[muffled]'' Truly a nutjob for the ages. Mm. Speaking of nuts... Want some? : '''Rex:''' You've been dumpster-diving again? : '''Bobo:''' I prefer "foraging." : '''Rex:''' Yeah. Nice sleuthing there, doc. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Nanites decay at a measurable half-life. I set our sat-net to do a global scan for the same frequency-- Ergo, Rome. : '''Rex:''' Great. You scan for the next stop, we'll grab a pizza. : '''Bobo:''' Pass. I'm experiencing inexpicable gastric distress. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it would take months to scan the entire spectrum. You need to find the next decay frequency. : '''Rex:''' Kind of like nanite connect-the-dots! Can I do it with someone else? : '''Bobo:''' Hey, quiet, you! Rah! : '''Rex:''' This goose chase just got a little wilder. My brother's here. : '''Caesar:''' Caesar to Black. We've detected paleo-nanites. Tachyon readings negative. We're moving to the next hot stop. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons-- They want Van Kleiss' time machine. Follow them. : '''Rex:''' Come on. : '''Bobo:''' Can you give me a teeny sec? I gotta find the little gladiators' room. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Advances in the last two millenia have allowed me to complete my lab in weeks instead of months. Restrict the flow! Do you want to overload the power cells? Meanwhile, my own nanite supply continues to dwindle. : ''[Septimius Severus panting]'' : '''Septimius Severus:''' Great Vanklios, protect me! : '''Van Kleiss:''' I've divulged metallurgy and tactics beyond your day. No man may threaten your rule. : '''Septimius Severus:''' This is no man-- But an apparition! : ''[Septimius Severus grunts]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' What apparition? Speak, parasite! : '''Septimius Severus:''' A spirit of doom! Numerous sightings-- The insulare, the rostra, the forum. Listen! It comes! It comes! : '''Van Kleiss:''' Fool. It only wants me. : '''Septimius Severus:''' Ugh! : '''Van Kleiss:''' I release you. Go start a few legends. : '''Septimius Severus:''' NOOOOOOOOOOOO! : ''[Septimius Severus gasps]'' : '''Septimius Severus:''' Be gone! I beg of you! Aah! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, those stress lines-- It's the same pattern we saw in Egypt. : '''Black Knight:''' Report. : '''Caesar:''' These aqueducts are truly marvels of roman engineering. : '''Black Knight:''' Have you picked up the next decay frequency? : '''Caesar:''' Oh-- That. Yes. Uplinking to our global net. Odd. These tachyons seems unrelated to-- : '''Black Knight:''' We have the next target. Scandinavia. Move out. White Knight may have people on the trail. I expect you to do whatever it takes to procure the objective. : '''Rex:''' Shh! : '''Caesar:''' I've initiated the same steps as in Egypt! Come along. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, we need that decay frequency. : '''Rex:''' Just one small problem, doc. This place... is toast. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex? Bobo? Respond! : '''Rex:''' We're okay, doc. Not a mark on us. : '''Bobo:''' Same can't be said for my stealth suit. Whoa! : ''[Rex gasps]'' : ''[Rex and Bobo gasps]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' So many lives... It's become a blur. I don't know who I am anymore. Only that I must sail onward, ever onwoard down the river of time. Never resting, always moving. Further draining my nanite reserves beyond my ability to replenish. And each re-emergence, I am pursued by the nameless force. I now know it's personal. I am a virus-- An infection of space-time. Call it what you like. This is time's antibody. Whether I can borne home or drowned in its currents, this is my final journey. : '''Rex:''' Hurry! I'm not sure if we here followed. : '''Bobo:''' I'm sure. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Don't shoot! It's me. : '''Rex:''' Holiday? Shouldn't you be at the plant, connecting the dots? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' No more dots to connect. The trail ends here. And... I'm reading a humanoid form inside. : '''Rex:''' I'm confused. Is it a time machine or isn't it? : '''Caesar:''' It's not a time machine. Are those really necessary? : '''Rex:''' No way you're getting this time machine, bro! : '''Caesar:''' I don't want it. And it's not a time machine. : '''Bobo:''' Well, then, what is it? A meat locker for cold cuts? : '''Caesar:''' Surprisingly close. We use this technique to transfer unstable nanites. It puts them into a state of dormancy. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Of course. It's a hibernation chamber. : '''Caesar:''' Only his nanites were dormant. There would still be neuron flow. : '''Rex:''' Mind telling me what that means, exactly? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' He was... Aware. The whole time, for hundreds of years. : '''Caesar:''' He would have felt every minute pass. : '''Rex:''' No way! He's totally a mummy! : '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah! : '''Van Kleiss:''' Run! It's coming! It's coming?! : '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah! : '''Rex:''' Easy, easy, Van Kleiss. You're back-- Back in your own time. : '''Van Kleiss:''' No! No, it'll find me! It always does! You must protect me. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyon readings off the chart! Rex, you can't affect that thing. I don't know what can. : '''Caesar:''' It's a field of pure tachyons. I've got to get a sample. : '''Rex:''' Oh, no, you don't! : '''Van Kleiss:''' I'm back! Back in my own time! You shall not have me?! OHHHH! : '''Bobo:''' Settle down, Van Winkle. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Rex shudders]'' : '''Rex:''' Oh, no. It couldn't be. I need some way to contain it! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons can't be contained! : '''Caesar:''' Yes, they can. Rex! : ''[Caesar grunts]'' : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it's too risky! : '''Rex:''' But I know what this is. Correction-- I know who this is. : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex:''' Aah! : ''[Rex groaning]'' : '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's... Breach. : '''Rex:''' Breach. Breach! It's me-- Rex. : '''Breach:''' Rex? Are you real... Or a dream? : ''[Rex laughs]'' : '''Rex:''' Yeah, yeah, I'm-- I'm real. : '''Breach:''' I was everywhere-- Everywhen. But I was nothing-- An emptiness, needing to be filled. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' The amp pack. Van Kleiss controlled it. When his nanites were active, Breach was drawn into his timeframe. : ''[Van Kleiss grunts]'' : '''Caesar:''' The final joining would have destroyed them both. : '''Breach:''' Guess I should say thanks. : '''Rex:''' Hey, what are friends for? Um, we are still friends... Right? : '''Caesar:''' You did well, little bro. : '''Rex:''' And you have your time machine that... isn't a time machine. Everybody goes home happy. : '''Caesar:''' That? A curiosity-- True. But it was never our goal. : ''[Van Kleiss shivering]'' : ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]'' : '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss?! All this for him? what, they're gonna put him in jail? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's Providence, Rex. That's their jurisdiction. : '''Caesar:''' No need to worry, little brother. He's going to be well supervised. : '''Rex:''' Caesar, what is going on!? : '''Caesar:''' Justice. : '''Bobo:''' Two words-- Crème Brûlée. Ooh. Right after I make a french connection. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! : '''Black Knight:''' Welcome back, Van Kleiss. You look terrible. Ordinarily, I'd say get some rest, but you've had enough of that, I suppose. : ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]'' : '''Black Knight:''' Pull it together. We have work to do. Do you know who I am? : '''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I know who you are. It's been a long time. A very, very long time. ===Mind Games=== : '''Rex''': Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure of that. : '''Six''': I told you not to get involved, Rex. You're not at full strength. : '''Rex''': What was I supposed to do-- Just leave it? : '''Dr. Holiday''': Six has a point, Rex. You're pushed to the edge lately. You can't see everyone. : '''Rex''': Not listening! Don't worry, dude. I'll have you out of here before you can say-- Circe?! : '''Circe''': Hey, Rex. Rex! Aaaah! : ''[Circe sighs]'' : '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex! Rex, do you read? What's going on? Your bios are low. : '''Rex''': Leave her alone! You okay? : '''Circe''': I think so. We have to go. : '''Rex''': Think that's your cue. Hang on. I think I got it. Ow! : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex''': Hate this things. : '''Circe''': Try wearing one. : '''Rex''': I have. So, what happened? I thought Providence had you at Abysus. : '''Circe''': I got away. : '''Rex''': What about the Pack? : '''Circe''': The Pack? I-- Don't know. Things are bad out there, Rex. I've been on the run for weeks. Providence has been stepping up their capture orders. I think something big is going down. : '''Rex''': Tell me about it. Listen, I know we're gonna want to say no, but with everything that's going on... : '''Circe''': I should stay at the plant. It's safer, right? : '''Rex''': Wow, that was-- Easy. I had a whole speech and everything. : '''Dr. Holiday''': Well, everything checks out. You're the picture of health. I wish you'd let me do some more thorough scans, through. : '''Six''': How was it you said you got away? : '''Circe''': It's a long story. You guys have bigger things to worry about than me... like the Meta-Nanites. Did you get the one from Abysus? Have you found anymore? : '''Rex''': Ugh, who cares? Let's go do something fun. You want to put Bobo' hand in shaving cream? : ''[Circe yawns]'' : '''Circe''': Actually, Rex, I'm kind of tired. I thing I might just crash if that's cool. : '''Rex''': Oh... yeah. Stupid of me. You, uh, get some sleep. Hey, doc. What are you doing? : '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex. I was just... working. What are you doing up? : '''Rex''': Ah, it's... stupid. : '''Dr. Holiday''': Yeah, probably. But... go ahead. : '''Rex''': I'm... excited. Since I got breached, everything's been so crazy. : '''Dr. Holiday''': Since you got breached? Right. : '''Rex''': But with Circe back, I'm starting to think maybe things will turn out okay. : '''White Knight''': I need everyone in the situation room in five minutes. : '''Rex''': So much for that. : ''[Dr. Holiday yawns]'' : '''Dr. Holiday''': What'd I miss? : '''Rex''': Wow, Doc. You sure got comfy quick. : '''White Knight''': Listen up, people. We need to retrieve a valuable asset before it falls into enemy hands. : '''Six''': What's the objective? : '''White Knight''': This man... Dr. Peter Meechum. : '''Rex''': That guy? I remember him. Van crazy kiddnaped his daughter. : '''White Knight''': Meechum spent the last year at a safehouse facility... Codename: Pandora's Box... location know only to me. : '''Rex''': Why all the cloak and dagger? : '''White Knight''': Because Meechum was one of the original scientists on the Nanite Project. He was given a panic button in case of emergency. Thirty minutes ago-- He activated it. : '''Six''': Providence? : '''White Knight''': We have to assume they're trying to assemble the original members of the Nanite Project. What Meechum knows is too valuable to fall into the wrong hands, so go get him. : '''Six''': Maybe Circe should stay here. : '''Rex''': What? Why? : '''Six''': She's not on the team yet-- Not officialy. : '''White Knight''': Take her. She'll be useful in the field. : '''Rex''': Ahem. You guys forget you key? Did you check under the mat? : '''Six''': Rex, focus on the mission. Get to Meechum! : '''Rex''': Relax, Six. I could take these guys in my sleep, especially with help from... Huh? Circe? Uh... Time-out? : '''Six''': Peter Meechum, you need to come with us. : ''[Dr. Meechum scoffs]'' : '''Dr. Meechum''': Took you long enough. : '''Rex''': Time in. : '''White Knight''': Still no sign of Circe, Rex. We'll keep looking, but for right now, Meechum is our top priority. : '''Dr. Holiday''': We'll find her, Rex. Don't worry. : '''White Knight''': In the meantime, Dr. Meechum, I've checked, and your daughter is safe at her boarding school in England. : '''Dr. Meechum''': My daughter. Right. : '''White Knight''': We can make immediate arrangements to take you to her. : '''Dr. Meechum''': No, I'd rather stay with you if that's all right. It's, uh-- It's safer. : '''White Knight''': Of course. White Knight out. : '''Rex''': So, after that, Providence attacked Abysus to get the Master-Control Nanite. Guess you were next on their list. : '''Dr. Meechum''': I see. And all this happened in the last year? : '''Six''': You've missed a lot since you've been away, doctor. : '''Dr. Meechum''': Horrible. I could never work for a Providence like that. I have to say it's all very impressive. Providence has certainly done a lot in the last year. : '''Caesar''': And with your help, doctor, we can do more. : '''Dr. Meechum''': Where's White Knight? I should tell him I've arrived. : '''Black Knight''': I can answer that for you. It's good to have you back, doctor. : '''Dr. Meechum''': What happened to White? : '''Black Knight''': Just a routine change in command. Nothing to worry about. If you'll excuse me, gentlemen. : '''Dr. Meechum''': Tell me you have my money ready. : '''Black Knight''': You get away you want when I get what I want... Not before. : '''Dr. Meechum''': Relax. : '''Six''': I'm a professional, aren't I? : '''Dr. Holiday''': Six, see Meechum? I have some data I'd like to go over with him. Are you... okay? : '''Six''': Rebecca, I have something important to tell you. : '''Dr. Holiday''': Okay. Well... Thanks for tell me. : '''Six''': Rex, are you in here? I do not understand this show. : '''Dr. Holiday''': Am I interrupting? : '''Six''': Not at all. What can I do for you? : '''Dr. Holiday''': Nothing important. I just wanted to say... earlier... that was nice. Unexpected but nice. : '''Six''': Earlier? : '''Dr. Holiday''': In the lab? : '''Six''': I have no idea what you're talking about. : ''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]'' : '''Rex''': Six, I need to talk to you about Circe. Uh... Six? Earth to agent guy. You okay? : '''Six''': I'm fine. I've just decided not to waste any more time on you, Rex. : '''Rex''': Um... Is this because I accidentaly used your swords to slice a pizza? : '''Six''': It's because you're weak. You don't have what it takes to complete the mission. : '''Rex''': Ohh, I get it. This is one of your test, right? : '''Six''': No test. Just me coming to my senses. You're not strong enough to survive what's coming. In the end, you're gonna let us all down. : ''[Dr. Holiday crying]'' : '''Rex''': Doc? What's wrong? : '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' I-It's nothing, Rex. I didn't want you to see me like this. : '''Rex''': Well, what is it? : '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' It's Six. I'm afraid of him. : '''Rex''': What?! That's crazy talk. : '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' Is it? You have to have seen it. He's violent, on edge. He's losing control. : '''Rex''': Are we talking about the same Six? : '''Dr. Holiday''': We don't even known him. He was a killer, Rex. The old Six might have changed, but how do we know this Six didn't come back... Wrong? : ''[Dr. Meechum whistling]'' : '''Dr. Meechum''': I have a question. How do you plan to re-create the project without a bio-interface expert? : '''Caesar''': Oh, but we do have one. : '''Van Kleiss''': No! The string doesn't work. Gordian knot, tied up tight. Alexander cheated. Can't cheat. Eyes on your own paper! Peter? No! Can't be! Different time, different me. : '''Dr. Meechum''': Van Kleiss? You brought back that monster? : '''Caesar''': Of course. He was the original interface programmer. Who better? : '''Dr. Meechum''': Excuse me a moment. White, what the heck is going on?! : '''White Knight''': Peter? Where are you? : '''Dr. Meechum''': I'm at Providence. Where are you? : '''White Knight''': Providence. But that's not-- I have to go. We have a problem. : '''Rex''': You're darn right we have a problem, because this isn't Peter Meechum! : ''[Dr. Meechum laughing maniacally]'' : '''Scarecrow''': Heya, Rex. Miss me? : '''Rex''': Who are you? Where's Meechum? : '''White Knight''': His name's John Scarecrow. He's an EVO, specialist in infiltration. Black Knight played us. : '''Scarecrow''': You really don't remember me, Rex? I'll give you a hint. We used to share a stomping ground. We had a problem with a shapes hifter once. : '''Rex''': You were in Hong Kong. : '''Scarecrow''': Give the man a prize. : ''[Scarecrow laughs]'' : '''Six''': I think he went that way. : '''Rex''': Wait a minute. : ''[Rex groans]'' : ''[Scarecrow laughs]'' : '''Rex''': I cannot believe I fell for that. : '''Scarecrow''': Look at you. You're ridiculous. You think he'll come to his senses, realize his true feelings? Then what? You'll settle down. White picket fence. Little agent kids. You're fooling yourself. You're the worst of them... you know that?... Because you know better. You really think you can save the world? None of you can survive what's coming! : '''Rex''': Prove it's really you. What's my favorite color? : '''Six''': I have no idea. : '''Rex''': It's you, all right. : ''[Dr. Holiday screaming]'' : '''Dr. Holiday''': Put it away. I'm not the EVO. : '''Six''': We heard you scream. : '''Dr. Holiday''': That wasn't me. : '''Six''': Let's all calm down. We can figure this out. : '''Rex''': Why, Six? Because I'm weak? You don't think I can handle this? : '''Six''': I never said that. : '''Rex''': But you think it, right? I don't see you putting down your guns, doc. : '''Dr. Holiday''': I know it's not me. I'm not sure about you two. : ''[Scarecrow laughs]'' : '''Scarecrow''': So easy. I barely had to nudge you. : '''Rex''': Whatever you're after, you're not getting away with it. : '''Scarecrow''': Get away with it?! Re-e-e-x, I got what I needed in the first five minutes. : '''Rex''': Then why? Why do all this? : '''Scarecrow''': Simple. I wanted to do to you what you did to me. : '''Rex''': I'm done with you! : ''[Scarecrow groans]'' : '''Scarecrow''': The big hero. Why do you get to forget? It's not fair! : '''Rex''': Whine, whine, whine. What... you didn't get enough crazy hugs as a kid? : '''Scarecrow''': You think I'm the only one you hurt? Then tell me-- : '''Skwydd''': What about us? Why'd you betray me? : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Rex grunting]'' : '''Circe:''' You promised to protect me, Rex. Where were you? : '''Rex:''' Stop it! : ''[Rex groans]'' : ''[Rex breathing heavily]'' : '''Caesar''': Face it, bro. It's why I left you. Mom and dad, too. : ''[Rex grunting]'' : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Rex''': You're your own worst enemy. : '''Dr. Holiday''': That's for Rex. That's for Providence. And that was for the kiss. : '''White Knight''': Providence won this round. No question. : '''Rex''': They have the real Meechum. Maybe more. : '''Dr. Holiday''': There's no telling how much of our system Scarecrow uploaded. : '''Six''': But we have to assume they know everything we do. : ''[Scarecrow laughs evilly]'' : '''White Knight''': Black Knight is coming for us. It's just a matter of time. : '''Dr. Holiday''': So? I mean, we knew that. Nothing's changed, right? : '''Six''': Rex, this is what they wanted-- To turn us against each other. : '''Rex''': Yeah, and look how easy it was. We thought we were a team, but we're not. We're vulnerable. : '''Van Kleiss''': It's Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. Looking past Occam's Razor, we can clearly see to a quantum level. A quantum level is what I'm trying to achieve, because if I didn't do the quantum level, then I can understand what's happening. : '''Caesar''': I know you don't like this, but it's not about us. : '''Dr. Meechum''': Can you do it? Can you control him? : '''Caesar''': Leave Van Kleiss to me. : '''Dr. Meechum''': What about Black Knight? I don't like her, Salazar. Never did. : '''Caesar''': Trust me, Peter-- When we're finished, the end will justify the means. ===Hermanos=== :'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-OA! Unh! Ugh! :''[Rex sighs]'' :'''Agent Six''': Be careful, Rex. :'''Rex Salazar''': I'm touched by your concern, Six. :'''Agent Six''': It's not for you. We don't have Providence to pick up the tab anymore. You break it, you buy it. :''[Rex growls]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': I'm saving the day here. What are they gonna do--Sue me? Oh, come on! It was a rhetorical question! What was I supposed to do? The whole building was made of glass! :'''Lawyer''': ''[Hispanic accent]'' Glass? What are you talking about? :'''Rex Salazar''': I'm... not talking about anything. What are you talking about? :'''Lawyer''': Mr. Salazar, I'm an associate at the stateside branch of the Argentinean firm Gomez and Gomez. And today, sir, is your lucky day! :'''Rex Salazar''': What's this? :'''Lawyer''': It's yours! :'''Noah Nixon''': No away! This is your house? :'''Rex Salazar''': I know! According to the lawyer guy, this rancho in Argentina's been in my family forever. And ever since my parents died in the event, those lawyers have been trying to track down the heir. And guess who that is. :'''Noah Nixon''': You and your brother? :'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, yeah, right. Him too. :'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time, Rex. :'''Rex Salazar''': Dude, it's never a good time, but you go to-- O...kay, so maybe this really isn't a good time, but this is important. I was being chased by a lawyer. No, I wasn't being sued this time. But you'll never guess what he-- :'''Caesar Salazar''': Is this about the rancho? :'''Rex Salazar''': You know about it? :'''Caesar Salazar''': Those lawyers have left me a dozen messages. :'''Rex Salazar''': And you didn't tell me? Caesar, I never even knew we had this place! There might be photo albums, home movies-- I don't know-- maybe even an old teddy bear or something. :'''Caesar Salazar''': You never had a teddy bear. :'''Rex Salazar''': See, the fact that you know that and I don't-- that's why we need to go down there. :'''Lawyer''': Clear! :'''Caesar Salazar''': I can't, Rex. My work's already been interrupted once today. Although... Now that you mention the ranch, it does bring back some memories. :'''Rex Salazar''': Really? Like what? :'''Caesar Salazar''': There was an experiment I remember mom and dad running. If you could find the notes, it might save some time on the work I'm doing now. :'''Rex Salazar''': Notes? Come on. Isn't family more important than-- Guess not. :''[Rex sighs]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Why can't I have a normal brother? Know anything about cows? Thanks for coming with me. This is really a family thing, but my brother is, well-- My brother. :'''Noah Nixon''': Are you kidding? I'm psyched! I've been killing myself trying to find a birthday present for Claire. A vacation at my best friend's awesome ancestral estate? What other guy could offer her that? :'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, but then why bring Annie? :'''Annie''': Um, this just kind of broke off. :''[Annie, Claire and Noah screaming]'' :'''Noah Nixon''': AAAAAAH! :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': I sure hope this isn't included in Six's "You break it, you buy it" policy. :'''Annie''': Sorry. :'''Rex Salazar''': No problem. We're here. :'''Claire Bowman''': Are... you sure this is the place? :'''Noah Nixon''': What happened to it? :'''Annie''': Hey, don't look at me. I just got there. :''[Annie gasps]'' :'''Annie''': Okay, that was me. :'''Rex Salazar''': I guess this must be my... family. :'''Claire Bowman''': Looks like you-- But with a 'stache. :'''Annie''': I like you with a 'stache. :'''Claire Bowman''': Hey, there are chickens in here! :'''Annie''': And llamas! :'''Noah Nixon''': Chicken, llamas-- And a funny-looking bull. :''[Chiquito snorts]'' :'''Noah Nixon''': I-I-I take it back! You're not funny-looking! :'''Chiquito''': This place is Durango's! :'''Rex Salazar''': Well, actually-- :'''Chuquito''': No fancy talk! Just go! :'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Okay, number one, how is "actually" fancy talk! Number two, I don't know who Durango is, but this farm isn't his. And number three-- :''[Chiquito grunts]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Ugh! All right, there's no misunderstanding the international language of getting punched in the face. So read my fist-- Get out of my house! :'''Chiquito''': Durango will not be happy! :'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, don't know who that guy was, but problem solved. :'''Noah Nixon''': Uh, you think? Aah! :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Senior Durango''': Calmate, Chiquito. You are my brother. I would not do anything to hurt mi hermano. Unless you force me to. I cannot lose that tract of land. Without its right of way, I will lose my claim on the rest of the county. But never mind. They will learn-- When you mess with the bull, you get the horns. :'''Rex Salazar''': OHHH! Ugh! :'''Noah Nixon''': A chicken just tried to poop on my shoe! :'''Rex Salazar''': I think I can top you there. :'''Noah Nixon''': No offense, but when I asked Claire to come here, this wasn't what I was hoping for. :'''Rex Salazar''': Well, me either. I mean, I was thinking I'd find-- I don't know what. But everything in this place has been smashed or stolen. Maybe this whole family thing isn't for me. :''[Noah gasps]'' :'''Noah Nixon''': That's the one! :'''Claire Bowman''': Please, Noah. It just needed a little help laying an egg. :'''Rex Salazar''': ''[Chuckling]'' What, did you grow up on a farm in Kansas? :'''Claire Bowman''': An apartment in Chicago-- Which is where I learned to download videos onto my phone. :'''Telephone Voice''': When caring for an egg bearing hen, remember to-- :'''Muchado''': Hola? Quien esta aquí? :'''Rex Salazar''': Uh... hello? :'''Muchado''': So, you are the Americans? I am Señor Muchado-- The juez. :'''Claire Bowman''': That's like a judge? :'''Muchado''': Sí. For all intents and purposes, I am the law in this county-- Which is why I have come here with him. :'''Rex Salazar''': Good, because I definitely want to press charges. :'''Muchado''': You misunderstand. I am here because of the trouble you caused for Chiquito. :'''Rex Salazar''': Chiquito? :''[Rex chuckles]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Your mom must have some sense of humor to name you "Tiny". :''[Chiquito growls]'' :'''Muchado''': Chiquito's brother is Señor Durango. He controls most of the land in this county, including this hacienda. At Señor Durango's request, I have prepared a legal order compelling you to vacate. :'''Claire Bowman''': But this is Rex's farm. :'''Annie''': Yeah, he's got a deed and everything. :'''Muchado''': This might have some bearing-- If you were a Salazar. :'''Rex Salazar''': Well, we're in luck. I am. :'''Annie''': Maybe this will help. :'''Muchado''': You may be a Salazar, but by our law, this land has been deemed abandoned, and Señor Durango has claimed it. :'''Rex Salazar''': Sorry. Been sort of busy saving the world and stuff. But I'm here now, so consider his claim unclaimed, then reclaimed by me. :'''Muchado''': It is not so simple. You would have to demonstrate you are actively maintaining the ranch. That means shearing and feeding the animals, bringing your bulls to market-- :'''Rex Salazar''': To market? What, like a... cattle drive? :'''Claire Bowman''': No problem. We can totally figure out how to do that. :'''Muchado''': A ranch this size requires at least a dozen hired men. :'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, just... uh... :'''Muchado''': No one within 100 kilometers will help you cross Señor Durango. If you do this, you will do it alone. And you will fail. :'''Claire Bowman''': Well, that guy was kind of a jerk. :'''Annie''': Yeah. So, let's get to work. :'''Noah Nixon''': How? Everything here is broken. :'''Annie''': Uh, have you seen my house? :'''Rex Salazar''': You guys don't have to do this. :'''Claire Bowman''': What kind of friend would walk away now? :'''Noah Nixon''': Uh... yeah! No way you could stop me from helping take care of these totally not-gross animals. :'''Rex Salazar''': Really? :'''Noah Nixon''': Well, I'm smiling like that's what I mean, aren't? :''[Noah exhales deeply]'' :'''Noah Nixon''': I can do this! I can't do this. Until I've done my milking warm-up. :'''Claire Bowman''': Ugh. Hold this. :'''Telephone Voice''': With you head resting on her flank, gently grasp the udder with the palm of your hand. :'''Noah Nixon''': AAH! :''[Claire giggles]'' :'''Claire Bowman''': I think she likes you. :'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh! :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': This is your home. Get in your home! :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Whoa! AAAH! AAH! Ugh! This is hopeless! This farm only has one bull, and I can't even get it into the barn. And this... better just be mud. :'''Annie''': Hang on! I'll help you! :''[Annie gasps]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': No! Don't! :'''Noah Nixon''': Are you guys okay? :'''Claire Bowman''': What is it? A storm cellar? :'''Noah Nixon''': Looks like some kind of lab. :'''Rex Salazar''': Figures. My mom and dad were Caesar's parents, too. Of course they'd find a way to take work home with them. Probably where those notes Caesar wanted are. Might as well grab them before the judge kicks us out. :'''Claire Bowman''': What's he talking about? I think we're doing a pretty good job taking care of the-- :'''Annie''': Uh, guys-- :''[Claire grunts]'' :'''Claire Bowman''': Wait-- Donkeys eat hay, don't they? Maybe we can use it to lure them back into the barn. :'''Annie''': I got it! Ugh! :''[Annie gasps]'' :'''Noah Nixon''': Well, on the plus side, at least we now know for sure that donkeys do eat hay. :'''Rafael Salazar''': One day, these things are going to change the world, and you'll be there to see it. :'''Violetta Salazar''': ''[chuckling]'' Caesar, please, mi hijo. Stop working for a minute and hold the camera. :'''Young Caesar Salazar''': Okay! Okay! :''[Claire sniffs]'' :'''Claire Bowman''': What's that smell? :'''Noah Nixon''': Which one? Everything here smells. :'''Claire Bowman''': No, it smells like... smoke! :'''Annie''': Rex! The straw caught on fire, and it exploded! :''[Chiquito growls]'' :'''Chiquito''': Hermano! No! Oomph! :'''Senior Durango''': What were you thinking? I told you to smoke them out, not burn the land! This is my land! If you weren't my brother-- :''[Chiquito growls]'' :'''Senior Durango''': But you are. Come here. :'''Rex Salazar''': So, you must be the brother. Hope I'm not interrupting some kind of weird tender moment. :'''Senior Durango''': Soy Durango. And I hope there is still a chance we can reach a resonable agreement. :'''Claire Bowman''': So, then you'll let Rex keep the farm? We played by the rules. :'''Senior Durango''': Around here, I make the rules. :'''Annie''': But the judge said-- :'''Senior Durango''': The judge works for me. Now, please, I'm giving you one last chance to leave. :'''Noah Nixon''': Okay, sure! Oh, wait-- That's right. Your fire blew up what was left of our plane! :'''Rex Salazar''': Uh, let me handle the trash-talking with the 20-foot-tall monster EVO, okay? Leave them out of this! They shouldn't even be here! It should have been my brother! :'''Senior Durango''': That is why you will lose your farm. Without family, a man is nothing. After all, what is this land to them? :'''Rex Salazar''': I don't even know what this place is to me. I came here hoping to find out more about who my family is. :''[Rex start looking at Noah, Claire and Annie, and smile to them]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': And I did. So, you're going to stop threatening them-- And me-- And get off my land. :''[Durango snarls]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Okay. Here's the plan-- Stay behind me! Whoa! Ugh! :'''Noah Nixon''': Well, there goes that plan. :'''Senior Durango''': Hurt them. You can do that, can't you? :'''Claire Bowman''': W-what do we do now?! :'''Annie''': The only one of us with powers just got kicked to the curb. :'''Noah Nixon''': That depends on what you mean by "powers". :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :''[Rex muffled grunting]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Not a good time, Caesar. :'''Caesar Salazar''': I just wanted to tell you-- Forget about those notes. I realized that's not what's important about you going down there. :''[Durango snarls]'' :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Wow, Caesar. I can't believe you came around. :'''Caesar Salazar''': I just realized-- The really important thing is, if you happen to find a termo-chronometer I remember having down there, it would save me from ordering one. :''[Chiquito snarls]'' :''[Chiquito growls]'' :''[Chiquito snarls, roars]'' :'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh! :''[Chiquito snorts]'' <hr width80%> :[''On videotape of the Salazar family]'' :'''Rafael Salazar''': One day these things are going to change the world and you'll be there to see it. :'''Violetta Salazar''': Cesar, please miquito. Stop working for a minute and hold the camera. :'''Young Caesar Salazar''': Okay, okay. <hr width80%> :'''Noah Nixon''': This morning, I almost had to touch a cow's underparts. You think you can do me worse than that? Bring it. :''[Chiquito snarls]'' :''[Chiquito roars]'' :'''Annie''': Ugh! I didn't mean for that to happen. :'''Claire Bowman''': We did. :'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Ugh! AAAAAAAAAAARGH! :'''Senior Durango''': OOMPH! :''[Durango lows]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-O-O-O O-OA! :''[Durango lows]'' :''[Durango snorts]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAH! :''[Durango growls]'' :''[Durango growls]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': Trust me-- My brother's let me down way worse. But what am I gonna do? He's my brother. :'''Senior Durango''': It is over. :'''Rex Salazar''': Nice ego there, but I've been hit a lot harder. :''[Durango spits]'' :'''Senior Durango''': Those bells signal the market is ending soon. I can see you have yet to herd you cattle there. :'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, come on! The one cattle I've got doesn't even move! :'''Senior Durango''': If you do not have your cattle to market before it ends, you will have failed to fulfill your deed, and this land will be mine. :'''Rex Salazar''': Then I guess I don't have any time to waste talking about it. :'''Claire Bowman''': Come on. Come here. :'''Rex Salazar''': Forget it. I got this. :'''Claire Bowman''': WHOO-HOO! Yes! Go, Rex! :''[Rex grunting]'' :'''Claire Bowman''': Where's Durango? :'''Rex Salazar''': OWW! Come on! You don't move the whole time, and you can't stay still? :''[Durango grunting]'' :'''Noah Nixon''': What is this, a western? You're actually trying to stop him with a rockslide? :'''Senior Durango''': You? Here? How is that even possible? :'''Telephone Voice''': Donkeys can be ridden surprinsingly fast if you-- :'''Noah Nixon''': Come on! Just give up! The farm belong to Rex. And I really want to get off this thing. :'''Senior Durango''': You think I'm afraid of you ''[scoffs]'' boy? :'''Claire Bowman''': Oh, it's not the boy you should be afraid of. :'''Annie''': Oops. :''[Durango grunting]'' :'''Senior Durango''': Ugh! :''[Rex panting]'' :'''Rex Salazar''': We sheared the llamas, we milked the cows, I got the bull to town. We did everything in the deed. :'''Muchado''': Sí, sí. But more important, you faced Durango and won! Once the other ranchers hear of this, they won't be afraid. You have broken Durango's hold on our lands. :'''Rex Salazar''': Wait-- You're... happy about that? :'''Muchado''': Of course. I told you exactly what you had to do to legally gain control of the land, didn't I? :'''Rex Salazar''': Huh. I guess you did. :'''Claire Bowman''': Wow! Can you believe how you perfect this all worked out? :'''Noah Nixon''': Yeah, uh, so, maybe we should get out of here before we wear out our welcome. :'''Rex Salazar''': There's just one thing I want to do first. ===The Rescue=== :''Note'': Rex goes alone to rescue his girlfriend Circe from the clutches of Black Knight. but it turns out she has been waiting for him. <hr width80%> ===Alone Together=== :''Note'': Finally together at last, Rex and Circe reminiscence about their good and hard times together ans their romance begins to grow. ===Retribution=== ===Temporary Insanity=== ===Crime and Punishment=== :''Note:'' His false insanity revealed, Van Kleiss abducts Circe with the intent of punishing her for betraying him, due to her enduring love for Rex. <hr width80%> :'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, Circe, you shall learn the ultimate price of betraying me. :'''Rex:''' ''Leave her alone!!'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, Rex. For young love. One of your greatest weaknesses. After I finish off your beloved, you will no longer be a hindrance to me. :'''Rex''' (''enraged'')''':''' I ''said''...LEAVE HER ALONE!!! <hr width80%> ===Shadowed Past=== ===Separation Anxiety=== ===Brotherly Love=== ===Rocky My World=== :'''Beverly:''' Oh, this is so awesome! We're seeing the Trendbenders live! :'''Rex:''' Well, maybe not see them, but we'll totally hear them. :'''Sebastian''': Attention! The Trendbenders will be arriving through the back of the club. :'''Beverly:''' Slick trick! Yes, Rebecca. I know! Only drink the bottled water. No, we're not that close to the stage. Ugh! I know that's where they mosh-pit. Don't worry! Bye! :'''Rex:''' Your sister is acting like your mother. I wouldn't put up with it. Doc?! I'm right next to her! Yes, we've got earplugs. Only bottled water-- I know! Yes, you'll pick us up at 11:00. Okay! Bye! :'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' I met a guy who has looking for a lucky break. I met a guy mad he wouldn't make a mistake. No loser here the weight would be upon his face. This ain't no lucky break it's just another day. :'''Beverly:''' Hey! :'''Rex:''' There's something wrong with that guy. :'''Beverly:''' Yeah! It's called lack of social skills. :'''Sebastian:''' We have to talk! You got to listen to me! :'''Rex:''' I think they're a little too busy for a chat right now. :'''Sebastian:''' It's me! Your first fan! :'''Rex:''' Come on, dude. Can't you just watch the show, like everyone else? :'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' You won't bring me down. Yeah-yeah-yeah. You won't bring me down. :'''Sebastian:''' I'm not just everyone else. :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Sebastian:''' You want to rethink trying to stop me? :'''Beverly:''' Whoa! Geek in triplicate! :'''Rex:''' More like EVO geek. :'''Sebastian:''' I bet you're not even a real fan! :'''Rex:''' Hey, I know their music! :'''Sebastian:''' Yeah? What album is "Bitten on the Wind" from? :'''Beverly:''' Uh, their first album. :'''Sebastian:''' Wrong! Their third! Poser! :'''Sly:''' Here's one from our first album-- "Bitten on the Wind." :'''Beverly:''' Told ya! Their first album! Who's the poser now? :'''Sebastian:''' But it is their third. They keep denying their first two albums exist! :'''Rex:''' Huh? :''[Rex bones cracking]'' :'''Rex:''' Shouldn't you be home, making sure your mom isn't snooping around your basement? Ouch! All right, I've had enough. :'''Sebastian:''' I know you. You're that guy from Providence that beats up on EVOs. :'''Rex:''' And I'm guessing you're not one of my fans. :'''Sebastian:''' This isn't over! They still need me to show them the way back. I'll make them listen to me.. No matter what! Ugh! :'''Man:''' No re-entry without a hand stamp. :'''Rex:''' Uh, but-- :'''JoJo:''' It's okay. He's with me. I'm JoJo, the band's manager. :'''Beverly:''' Oh! Sly Tyler, vocals, six-stringer. Burrito Beau on the big bottom, and Leon Adler on the skins. :'''Beau:''' Bass. Drums. :'''Beverly:''' They're even cutter up close! :'''JoJo:''' But Sebastian isn't. And now that fruitcake fan has become a major menace. :'''Rex:''' You know who that guy is? :'''Sly:''' Yeah, he's one of our first fans from way back. :'''Leon:''' But he didn't like our change in music direction. :'''Beau:''' Change, like in popular. :'''Sly:''' So he started sending us nasty e-mails and slagging us on the fan sites. :'''JoJo:''' But now he's turned violent, and it turns out he's... H-he's... :'''Rex:''' An EVO that can multiply himself. :'''JoJo:''' We can't handle that kind of threat, but you can. :'''Beverly:''' Is this a job offer? :'''JoJo:''' As head of security for the rest of the tour. :'''Rex:''' Huh, I don't know. Putting up with groupies, great music, catering, the Rock'n'roll lifestyle-- Oh, right, like I'm not totally in for this! :'''Beverly:''' And I'm your deputy, sheriff. :'''Sly:''' Absolutely. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Absolutely not. :'''Rex:''' They've got an EVO threat. :''[Dr. Holiday sighs]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Fine, Rex. Beverly? And don't forget to use earplugs. :'''Rex:''' Private jet to the next gig? Airline-- First class? Coach? :'''JoJo:''' Of the road kind. :'''Rex:''' Traveling the open road, bringing music to the people. Where to next? :'''Beau:''' Eugene, Oregon. ''[Unenthusiastically]'' WHOO-HOO! :'''Rex:''' Ow! :'''Leon:''' Bad seat. Got a lot of them. :''[Beau farts]'' :''[Rex sniffs]'' :'''Leon and Rex:''' Oh! :''[Leon coughs]'' :'''Leon:''' Isn't the ozone layer depleted enough, Beau? :'''Rex:''' Want to hit the streets and check out the local scene? :'''Sly:''' Seriously, man? It's just another town. :'''Beau:''' Been there. Seen them all. :'''TV Announcer:''' He's currently under 3, 2 behind the leader. This is a very tricky-- :'''Rex:''' Oh, let's throw this in the pool! :'''Leon:''' Hey, I'm watching something, dude! :'''Rex:''' How about a food fight? :'''Sly:''' Sorry, man. Not feeling it. :'''Rex:''' This isn't feeling very Rock'n'Roll. :'''JoJo:''' Rex, we hired you to consult on security, not rock-tour clichés. :'''Sebastian:''' Room service. :'''JoJo:''' Again? You guys, this is costing too much. :'''Sly:''' But we didn't order anything else. :'''Sebastian:''' That's okay. This is on the house! :''[Sebastian grunts]'' :''[JoJo gasps]'' :'''Rex:''' Look out! He's got... Paperwork? :'''Sebastian:''' I've got notes and visuals on where you've gone commercial and how you can get back to your roots! He's with the band now? He's not even a real fan! You see? You've got to come with me. You need my help! :'''Rex:''' They're not going anywhere, but you are! :'''Sebastian:''' My copies don't feel pain. :'''Rex:''' But you do! :'''Girl:''' Whoa! You must really be a big fan! :'''Sebastian:''' Only of their early stuff. :'''Girl:''' Eww! Their early stuff is weak. :'''Teen girl:''' But their new songs are awesome! :''[Girls giggling]'' :''[Sebastian growls]'' :''[Girls screaming]'' :'''Rex:''' Excuse me. I'm with the band. :'''Teen girl:''' But you missed your ride. :'''Rex:''' That's okay. I've got my own. :'''Man:''' Rock bands! Never again! :'''Sebastian:''' I've got to take you away from this sellout existence, where you deny your first two albums even exist. :'''Sly:''' B-but those albums weren't any good. That's why we only had a few fans, like you. :'''Rex:''' If there's only three of them, then who's driving the car? :'''Sebastian:''' Aah! :'''Rex:''' Did he... Ah! Rent that car from the circus? Time to cut this act short. :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Sebastian:''' Oh, man. I went to my first Trendbenders show in that car. :'''Rex:''' Maybe I can't turn off your obsession, but I can shut down your nanites. :'''Beau:''' That clone-boy? :'''Rex:''' I don't think he's going to be a problem now. :'''JoJo:''' We can still use you on the tour. What did you say? :'''Rex:''' Yes! :'''Sly:''' Good man! ''[singing]'' You see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, "yeah, we almost made it", "yeah, but we're overrated", kill your radio, you live a life for all to see, sometimes it's right, sometimes obscene, now you're the enemy, it's one for all and all for me, unlocking doors and misery, the others burn out and sing, "yeah, we almost made it", "yeah, but we're overrated", out of time, kill your radio, "yeah, we almost made it", "yeah, but we're overrated", out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, it isn't all, that it's cracked up to be, I never thought it'd be so easy, I wouldn't have it any other way, you see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, "yeah, we almost made it", "yeah, but we're overrated", out of time, kill your radio, "yeah, we almost made it", "yeah, but we're overrated", out of time, kill your radio, "yeah". :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Sly:''' At least we got a day off before the next gig. :'''JoJo:''' Guys, a club owner in fleeceburg just offered us amazing money. I booked it. :'''Rex:''' For when? :'''JoJo:''' We're already running late. :'''Sly:''' They're paying money for us to play in this dump? :'''JoJo:''' Big money. Come on. You're on in ten minutes. :'''Rex:''' I'm guessing ticket sales are a little slow. :'''Leon:''' Are we breaking up? :'''Beau:''' This dive seems awfully familiar. :'''Sebastian:''' It should. :'''Rex:''' That voice seems awfully familiar! :'''Teens:''' Dude! Nobody move! What's going on? Who's touching me? What is this? Excuse me. What is going on? :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Sebastian:''' I built an exact replica of the first club you played in. :'''Beau:''' Hey, that's one of my puke stains. Fruitcake knows his details. :'''Rex:''' But I cured you. :'''Sebastian:''' Hmm... That was a copy, not the original. :'''Sly:''' Whatever. When's this gonna end, fan-boy? :'''Sebastian:''' It ends tonight. Check the floor at your feet. :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Sebastian:''' I've given up trying to get you back to your roots. So now you'll play what I want to hear for the next hour. And then your career ends with a bang. :'''Sly:''' On behalf of the band, I'd like to thank our manager, JoJo, for booking this totally insane gig! :''[JoJo laughs nervously]'' :'''Sebastian:''' The sound of cold, hard cash is the only music sellouts like you listen to anymore. :'''Rex:''' They're not sellouts. They just got more popular than you wanted. :'''Sebastian:''' You try anything, and I'll end their last gig prematurely. You're only alive because I want you to see what the Trendbenders used to be like. For the next hour give me the early stuff, when you were cool. :'''Sly:''' Why bother? You're gonna nuke us, anyway. :'''Sebastian:''' Because if you don't play, this happens! :'''Sly:''' Aah! :'''Leon, Sly and Beau:''' No more! :'''Sly:''' Okay, dude, what's the first number? :'''Sebastian:''' "Crawling undertow"! :'''Sly:''' Well, how does it feel? :'''Sebastian:''' First album, seventh song. Fifth song on the Japanese import. :'''Sly:''' To get that weight back on our shoulders-- :'''Sebastian:''' You're giving it a beat that wasn't in the original, man! Not even in the remix from the box set. Play it right this time! I'm missing the concert because of you! :'''Rex:''' Stinks to be you. Got to cure the real Sebastian. But which one is the mother ship? :'''Sebastian:''' You can't even play your old songs like you used to. Total disappointment. Let's end this bummer concert. :'''Sly:''' But we still have over a half-hour left! :'''Sebastian:''' Last song, no encore. :'''Rex:''' Tell me who's the original, or I'll turn you into dessert topping! :'''Sebastian:''' You don't scare me. I don't feel pain. :'''Rex:''' But the real Sebastian does. Sly! Maximum feedback! Now! Thanks, Doc. :'''Sebastian''': AAAHHHH! :'''Rex:''' How do you like their new hit, Sebastian Prime? Here's another new groove you're not going to like. :'''Sebastian:''' Aah! :'''Rex:''' Congrats. You're back to being a solo act. :'''Sebastian:''' You've got to listen to me! :''[Sebastian yelling]'' :'''Rex:''' Kidnapping, assault and battery, construction without a permit-- that should keep him away for years. :'''JoJo:''' Have to say it, guys, but we've got a gig in toledo to get to. Security? :'''Rex:''' Not anymore. Sebastian's done, and so am I. :'''Sly:''' Dude, I thought you wanted the rock'n'roll lifestyle. :'''Rex:''' I'm not tough enough for it. I need to get back to something easier, like city-smashing EVOs and conspiracies to take over the world. :'''Beau:''' Don't know what your missing. :'''Rex:''' I think do. But I don't miss this. Yes, doc? Don't need my earplugs anymore. I quit. Will you let me tell you? No, the EVO threat wasn't just an excuse. Well, I'm coming back! Will you let-- Doc! ===Lost and Found=== ===My Brother's Keeper=== ===Target: the Consortium=== : '''Jungle Cat:''' You are...? : '''Rex:''' Rex. Rex Salazar. What are you? : '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found. : '''Rex:''' HUNH! AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! : ''[Rex gasps deeply]'' : '''Rex:''' Whoa. That was a total zero on the fun meter. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Learning how to communicate with the nanite world isn't about fun. Did you get anywhere at all? : '''Rex:''' Don't know. I connected with a Master Control Nanite for a second, and then I lost it. But I also got, like, this feeling that something's about to happen in the nanite world. Something... big. : '''Dr. Meechum:''' Argh! This is Rylander's speciality, not mine. There's no way I can cover for him. : '''Caesar:''' Not to worry, Dr. Meechum. You won't have to any longer. Dr. Rylander will take over from here. : '''Dr. Meechum:''' Oh, really, Caesar? From his current location of beyond the grave? : '''Rylander:''' Actually, Peter, I was never completely dead-- just spread a little thin-- ''[chuckling]'' Moleculary speaking. Caesar's been working on putting me back together. : '''Black Knight:''' All of them together-- At last. Contact the Consortium. We now have something to show them. Something big. : '''White Knight:''' Even having two of the Master-Control Nanites doesn't change the vital importance of finding the other three. But the latest intel I've received could give us a way to neutralize the group obsessed with these machines. : '''Six:''' The Consortium. : '''Rex:''' Aren't those the money guys that bankrolled the Nanite Project in Providence? : '''White Knight:''' The same. Formerly made-up of six members, but now five-- Reddick, made his wealth in real estate and construction. Vostock, black market finance and KGB... Zanubian, arms dealing and shipping. Roswell, oil and minerals. Anthony Haden-Scott, worldwide media. : ''[Rex munches]'' : '''Rex:''' Should we be writing this down for the pop quiz later? : '''White Knight:''' You may be facing them soon because of the efforts of our stealthiest agent. : '''Rex:''' Mm! Thank you! I think. : '''Jungle Cat:''' He's not talking about you. : '''Rex:''' Hey! It's Evo-cat guy! Uh... sorry-- What's your name? O...kay, cat with no collar, what's in the sack? Bunch of canaries? Well, that's... something. : '''White Knight:''' Our associate has been tracking the Consortium with a little help from a former member. : '''Rex:''' I remember him! He's the one Rylander got revenge on with an EVO love letter. : '''Jungle Cat:''' That he never recovered from. But he's still full of useful knowledge about the other members. : '''Rex:''' As long as you have a towel handy for the answers. : '''Jungle Cat:''' The Consortium has financed a new facility for nanite research. All of them will be at that location within the next six hours. : '''Six:''' And so will we. : '''White Knight:''' A rare opportunity like this can't be missed. You three will capture the Consortium and bring them to a secure location. Understood? : '''Rex:''' Purrfectly. : '''Black Knight:''' Gentlemen, I wanted you here today to-- : '''Reddick:''' "Wanted?" Sounds like a command. : '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You get to ask, not order. : '''Black Knight:''' I'm sorry. Let me restate. I asked you here because I can now present some major developments in your quest. I finished construction on the nanite reactor and reassembled against all odds the original science team to run it. Doctors Meechum, systems expert. Salazar, artificial intelligence. Rylander, microengineering. And Van Kleiss, biomechanical integration. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Nanite's recorder locked in. Hologram Rylander saves money on meals. Glow, glow, glow, yipper. : ''[Van Kleiss smooches]'' : '''Dr. Meechum:''' A human flashlight and a brain-fried babbler. This is what I'm supposed to work with. : '''Vostok:''' Looks like your geniuses have some issues. : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' ''[British accent]'' I seem to recall there were two other Salazars on the team. : '''Black Knight:''' They're dead-- And just as well. Considering their actions are responsible for our setbacks, I highly doubt they would have cooperated. : ''[Jungle Cat snarls]'' : '''Black Pawns:''' Ohh! : ''[Rex gasps]'' : '''Rex:''' Black Pawns got to talk to their costume designer. Way too stuffy. : '''Jungle Cat:''' Be quiet. : '''Six:''' Our target? : '''Roswell:''' ''[Southern accent]'' Little lady, I'm hoping you didn't get me out here just to watch some lab jockeys do their homework. : '''Vostok:''' I know I've got better things to do. : '''Black Knight:''' Aside from the all-important reassembly of the science team and activation of the nanite reactor, I do have another development to show you. : '''Roswell:''' Yeah? What else you got? : '''Black Knight:''' An acquisition. : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found. : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Jungle Cat:''' What's wrong with you? : '''Rex:''' Forget the Consortium! I know where we can find a Master-Control Nanite. : '''Six:''' Where? : '''Rex''': Here. : '''Six:''' We're doing both. You two get the nanite, I'll get the Consortium. : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' On of the five? That's all? : '''Reddick:''' You know we need all of the Master-Control Nanites to do us any good. : '''Vostok:''' What about the two you lost? And the other two still out there? : '''Black Knight:''' We'll have the other four in due time. Take this back to the vault. But remember that each one has its own useful powers. : '''Roswell:''' Not enough to drag me all the way out there, little lady. : '''Black Knight:''' "Black Knight". : '''Black Pawns:''' You're not one of us. : '''Six:''' Stay clear of the Pawns. They're not buying our cover. Repeat-- Stay clear of the Pawns. : '''Rex:''' Steel door. A vault! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Jungle Cat:''' That was close. : '''Rex:''' Got it. Have to be as stealthy as you from now on. : ''[Jungle Catsnarls]'' : ''[Jungle Cat snarling]'' : '''Jungle Cat:''' Van Kleiss! : ''[Jungle Cat muffled grunting]'' : '''Rex:''' Way not to be stealthy. Sorry, cat guy. I know you want payback for him turning you into stone and all, but the nanite is more important. : '''Black Pawns:''' Security alert. Intruder. : ''[Jungle Cat snarls]'' : '''Jungle Cat:''' You find the nanite. I'll be a diversion. <hr width80%> : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' She has shown us some progress. That one nanite is significant in itself. : '''Reddick:''' It's all five or nothing. Or are you thinking of working a separate deal with the one? : '''Vostok:''' Can we please not talk like this while those two are in the room? : '''Roswell:''' Yeah, Xanubian, put a sock in all your yammerin'. : '''Black Pawns:''' Another intruder at security zone three. It's Agent Six. : '''Rex:''' Gotcha. : '''Black Pawns:''' Unh! Aah! : '''Rex:''' I'll take that. Six! I've got the nanite! : '''Six:''' Meet your outside. : ''[Rex gasps]'' : ''[Rex grunting]'' : ''[Jungle Cat snarls]'' : '''Rex:''' I've got it! Let's scat, cat! : '''Black Knight:''' If he's here-- So is Rex. Vault security, come in. : '''Reddick:''' Is there a problem? : '''Black Knight:''' A minor security issue. I'm taking care of it. : '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You better, little lady. : '''Rex:''' Well, mission half accomplished. : '''Six:''' This should complete it. : '''Rex:''' You planted a bomb?! : '''Six:''' Plan "B". : '''Rex:''' The cat! He's still inside! No! We've got to go back for the cat! He's on his own mission. Van Kleiss is there. : '''Six:''' Understood. : '''Black Pawns:''' Black Knight, shouldn't we evacuate? : '''Black Knight:''' The security threat has been removed. Among other things. Track them, find them. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Interlace template, instal copper buffers, hold the mayo, set core temp, heat cold fries. : '''Jungle Cat:''' Remember me? : '''Van Kleiss:''' Someone let the cat in. : '''Jungle Cat:''' You cast me aside as if I was garbage. Turned me to stone. Drained me of life-- Almost. Now it's your turn to suffer. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Had a kitty once. Not you. Bubbles liked catnip and parsnips. Chapped lips. Hip, hip, hooray! : ''[Jungle Cat growls]'' : '''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're here to clean up, ask for directions, not Dr. Screwloose. : '''Rex:''' Ugh! Meechum. Bro. He's here to put Van Kleiss out of the world's misery. Give me a reason why he shouldn't. : ''[Jungle Cat growls]'' : '''Rylander:''' Because the world needs him right now, Rex. : '''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander! How did you-- : ''[Rex gasps]'' : '''Rex:''' ''[to Caesar]'' You got it to work. : '''Rylander:''' I've looked better, I'll admit, but I'm still very much alive. And so happy to see you again. : '''Rex:''' If you could bring him back-- : '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. It won't work for mom and dad. : '''Rex:''' So, you've come back-- But you're working for them! : '''Rylander:''' It seems crazy, I know, but look at our progress-- The nanite reactor is almost operational! : '''Rex:''' Not if I destroy it. : '''Black Knight:''' Surround them. : '''Caesar:''' Trust me, hermano, We're doing the right thing. : '''Rex:''' You keep saying that, but I don't believe it anymore! : ''[Jungle Cat snarls]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' Bubbles, I'm sorry. Here, kitty, kitty. Left you out in the rain, rain go away-- : ''[Jungle Cat snarls]'' : ''[Jungle Cat snarling]'' : '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! Easy on the hot sauce, Peter, Peter pumpkin two seater. : '''Rylander:''' ''[to Caesar]'' Tell him, Caesar! : '''Rex:''' Tell me what? : '''Six:''' Revenge time is up. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Jungle Cat snarls]'' : ''[Jungle Cat roars]'' : '''Dr. Meechum:''' Aah! Careful! Our work! Ugh! Take it outside! : '''Rex:''' Ugh! : ''[Rex grunting]'' : '''Jungle Cat:''' Rex. Rex Salazar. : '''Rex:''' I can't talk now! Ugh! : '''Black Knight:''' Thank you. : '''Rex:''' You're so not welcome. : '''Black Knight:''' You should have left when you had the chance. : ''[Black Knight grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' You guys have such a great cafeteria. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Had to come back for more. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Aah! Unh! : '''Six:''' Unh! : ''[Black Knight grunting]'' : '''Black Knight:''' Unh! : '''Six:''' UNNNNNNNNH! : '''Black Knight:''' Ugh! : ''[Jungle Cat snarls]'' : '''Rex:''' Let's say adiós. : '''Six:''' There's still plan "B". : '''Rex:''' We're not assassins. : '''Six:''' You're not. This might be our one chance. : '''Rex:''' To be like them? Then what makes us different? : '''Six:''' Go. I'm right behind you. : '''Roswell:''' You brought us into an ambush! Right behind you, Mr. Chatterbox. : '''Vostok:''' You are cowards. : '''Reddick:''' Graveyards are full of dummies that thought they were though. : '''Vostok:''' Black Knight, we have a lot to discuss about your future. : '''Black Knight:''' By all means, let's talk. : '''Jungle Cat:''' Where's Six? : '''Rex:''' He said he was right behind us. : '''Six:''' I am. The Consortium still has to be dealt with. : '''Rex:''' We now have three Master Control Nanites. I'd say the Consortium has to deal with us. : '''Six:''' Understood. : '''Jungle Cat:''' Purrfectly. : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I'm shocked. What happened? : '''Black Knight:''' It seems Vostok had an unfortunate run-in with our intruders as he was leaving. But, there's good news. The reactor is gone. Soon we will have all the nanites we need. : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' "We"? : '''Black Knight:''' I think it's time we walked about my promotion. ===Convergence=== ===Enter the Nanite World=== ===Enemies Mine=== : '''Valve:''' Battle is to be waged between your courage and my power. You lose. : '''Gatlocke:''' Valve, my friend. Lovely day for a riot, don't you think? : '''Valve:''' What do you want, Gatlocke? : '''Gatlocke:''' I want lots of things-- A doomsday weapon, my own private island, for my mom to stop calling me to fix her computer. But what I really want is to give you a message. It's time. I suppose I'll make the introductions. : '''Valve:''' A biker needs no introduction. And everyone knows Hunter Cain. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Everything is going according to plan. We get one more thing. Then we get wrecked. : '''Rex:''' Sorry we're late. : '''Bobo:''' We're not late. We're fashionably early. : '''Providence Agent:''' I was starting to think I was on my own. I've been calling for help, but Providence hasn't answered. : '''Six:''' What set this off? : '''Providence Agent:''' No idea. One moment everything was fine. The next moment, complete chaos. : '''Rex:''' I'm heading in. I'll lock up when I'm done. Oh, don't bother getting up. I'm just gonna knock you back down again. : '''Bobo:''' Back in your cages, you filthy animals! : '''Rex:''' Huh? What? You? It's a who's-who of old EVOs. Whew! Really not in the mood for this. You're kidding me. You?! : '''Gatlocke:''' Three men, one objective, no rules. Oh, this is exciting, isn't it? Or is it just me? : '''Valve:''' The others are saying that Rex is here. Rex will get his when we're ready. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Watch yourselves. This one's unpredictable. We know what you want, No-Face. Then we can give it to you. Do what we say. Then you'll get Rex. You'll get the chance to tear Rex apart. Piece by piece. Now we're ready. : '''Rex:''' So you remember who I am. Surprised you have a big enough brain for that. These cells are pretty dull. Let's redecorate. No way I'm letting an EVO get won over on me. Especially a big old frog. : '''Gatlocke:''' Almost out. Freedom is just a... Bottomless ravine away. : '''Valve:''' The biker begs the question, how are we getting across? : '''Gatlocke:''' You know that's not really how begging the question is supposed to be used. Are we kidding? Anyone who gets worked up over that phrase needs to be savagely beaten. : '''Hunter Cain:''' This'll override the drawbridge system. : '''Gatlocke:''' Ooh, now how would someone like you procure something like that? : '''Hunter Cain:''' Friends and hide places. : '''Rex:''' Okay, frog legs. Let's put you in solitary confinement. : '''Bobo:''' Do you look like you got run over by an overstuffed garbage truck? : '''Rex:''' Feels like it. This is a prison riot. Where's Providence? They should be all over this. : '''Six:''' They never responded to any calls. : '''Rex:''' It's a setup. Providence wanted this to happen. But why? : '''Six:''' Six here. Go ahead. : '''Rex:''' Wait. This bridge wasn't down before. : '''Bobo:''' Yeah. About that. Some of the prisoners escaped together. Gatlocke... : '''Rex:''' That's bad. : '''Bobo:''' Hunter Cain... : '''Rex:''' That's even worse! : '''Bobo:''' Valve. : '''Rex:''' That's... Really? Valve? : '''Bobo:''' Yeah. And No-Face. : '''Rex:''' Those four are loose? Together? : '''Six:''' We've got a bigger problem. : '''Rex:''' How can it be bigger than this? : '''Six:''' The EVOs in the city-- The only thing keeping them tame are their control collars. : '''Rex:''' And this is a problem because...? : '''Six:''' Because someone has shut them all down. : '''Rex:''' Let me get that for you. : '''Bobo:''' Dumpster dog. Considering you used to ride around in the Paris, I guess you're moving up in the world. Main to your mud. : '''Six:''' Are you injured? : '''Rex:''' Just worn out. Is this day over yet? : '''Bobo:''' Oh! Signs pointing no. : '''Rex:''' Huh? That came from the track. Can you handle things here? : '''Bobo:''' Only one way to find out. Valve. Those nanite superchargers you keep using are bad for your health. : '''Valve:''' If I were you, I'd be more concerned with your own short-term health. : '''Rex:''' Please, like I have anything to worry about from you. The other three, they're dangerous. You, you're just comedy relief. : '''Valve:''' I am not. Comedy relief. : '''Rex:''' Well, you're not funny, that's for sure. : '''Valve:''' Like the road that continues on, so must the biker. : '''Rex:''' Where did he go so? Ew! Get away from my tacos, cockroach! Huh? You running away? I'll give you this much, Valve. Maybe you're getting smarter. : '''No-Face:''' Unlike you. : '''Rex:''' I put you away once, No-Face. I'll do it again. : '''No-Face:''' The one who makes machines. The one we've been waiting for. : '''Rex:''' Huh? Figures you try to shoot a guy in the back. : '''Hunter Cain:''' All I see is a filthy EVO. : '''Rex:''' Okay, first off, that Lai is tired. Second off, last time I checked, you're teaming up with one. Would that make you an EVO lover? All this hide and seek is wearing me down! Huh? Figures. : '''Gatlocke:''' Leaving so soon? That's not going to impress the hiring committee. Now, let's see what we have here. "Honor roll, A/V Club." Ugh. "Glee Club." ''[Scoffs]'' I'm going to have to be brutally honest with you. You're perfect for my gang. Can you sing soprano? My last soprano drove his motorcycle off a cliff. He survived, but his voice was never the same. By the way, can you fly? This is quite the surprise. I'm willing to hire you, Rex, but you better have some excellent references. : '''Rex:''' Back to prison, Gatlocke! : '''Gatlocke:''' Then consider the offer rescinded! You could be a valued member of my gang. It's a tough job market out there, you know? : '''Rex:''' I'd never work for you! : '''Gatlocke:''' No, not with that attitude, you wouldn't. Welcome to my gang. Your first task is to destroy Rex-- That guy right there. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Gatlocke:''' Your second task is to complete harassment training. I teach the class. This pamphlet explains everything. : '''Rex:''' No, no, no! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, come in. What's happening? : '''Rex:''' One really bad day. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Your nanite readings are off the charts. : '''Rex:''' No surprise. I've been fighting and curing EVOs non stop. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' We need to upload your nanites immediately. : '''Rex:''' Now? Doc, my four worst enemies are still on the loose. Well, my three worst enemies in Valve. Plus the city's in chaos. And where in the world is Providence? How come they're not here dealing with this? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Six and Bobo can mop up the last few EVOs. You have to offload. : '''Rex:''' Okay, fine. But we better make it fast. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' You'll be locked in the chamber for one hour. : '''Rex:''' Just do it, doc. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' This could be a long sixty minutes. : '''Valve:''' According to the tracking bug, Rex is inside. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Gentlemen, this is what we've been waiting for. It's time for Rex to die. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' They followed him. : '''Gatlocke:''' After we kill Rex. We should work together and form a team call ourselves... Gatlocke and the kitty cats. : '''Valve:''' Silence your mouth or the biker will silence it for you. : '''Gatlocke:''' Oh, Valve. You can pretend to be angry, but deep down, you know you're a kitty cat. : '''Hunter Cain:''' They know we're here. : '''Gatlocke:''' You're quite feisty. Have you ever considered a career in the fast growing field of post apocalyptic gangs? : '''Valve:''' She has spirit. Valve the biker will see that spirit crushed. : '''Gatlocke:''' You're Gatlocke's favorite kitty cat. Hmm. Rrr. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Don't follow her. She's trying to lead us away from Rex. Rex is close-by. : '''Valve:''' Rex's chamber... Five minutes to spare. : '''Hunter Cain:''' More than enough time. : '''Gatlocke:''' I could have sworn that we'd agreed to take Rex out together. : '''Hunter Cain:''' I'm changing the terms of the deal if you have a problem with that, feel free to stand right where you are. I've waited a long time for this. Rex! : '''Valve:''' Empty? Or a trick of the mind? : '''Rex:''' Isn't that obvious? Then again, that tracking bug you stuck on me was obvious, too. And the fake countdown? Obvious. It only took me thirty minutes to upload my nanites. You wanted to run me ragged so you could get me. Instead, here you are all in one place. Gotcha! : '''Valve:''' UGHH! : '''Rex:''' UGHHHH! I still don't get why you enlisted Valve. I mean, he's really a third-string bad guy. : '''Valve:''' Valve is the biker. A biker is dangerous. : '''Rex:''' Hmm. Yeah. No. : '''Valve:''' Rrrr! : '''Rex:''' So unpredictable. Like a third-string bad guy. : '''Valve:''' AAAAH! : '''Gatlocke:''' I have a horrible sneaking suspicion that he's winning. : '''Hunter Cain:''' Then do something about it! : '''Gatlocke:''' Don't have to yell. A kind word will get you much further. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Gatlocke:''' UGHHH! Oh! Oh! Oh ho ho! Ouch! My back! My front and my back! OHH! This is total, total agony! : ''[Gatlocke gasps]'' : '''Gatlocke:''' ''[Calmly]'' I'm okay. Really. I'm fine. : '''Hunter Cain:''' You're lucky. I'll give you that. But you're only delaying the inevitable. You can't beat us all! : '''Rex:''' I never intended to. This offload facility? I reprogrammed it. My surplus nanites aren't being stored. They're powering the shield. : '''Hunter Cain:''' It's a trap! : '''Rex:''' Have fun keeping each other company! : '''Bobo:''' What a day. : '''Rex:''' You know, none of this would have happened if Providence hadn't released the convicts and turned out all those EVOs. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' They did that to keep you busy. : '''Rex:''' Keep me busy from what? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' The Nanite Project. We just found out. While we dealt with the EVOs, Black Knight got her hands on another Master-Control Nanite. : '''Rex:''' Then it's time. ===Sinister Secrets=== ===Wounded Hearts=== ===One Step Ahead=== ===Breaking Point=== ===Behind Closed Doors=== ===Keeping Hope=== ===Trust=== ===Terror of the Black Knight=== ===Endgame, Part One=== : '''Rex:''' It was going to happen sooner or later. We had most of the pieces, so it was only a matter of time before the Black Knight made her move. And of all the chances she had to attack, it had to be tonight... at this very moment... while I was in the shower. Huh? How many? : '''Six:''' Should it matter? : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Can't you do any better than that? : '''Bobo:''' I thought you'd never ask. : '''Rex:''' Rah! Yah! : '''Dr. Holiday:''' If they get to the Meta-Nanites, we still have options. : '''Rex:''' Of the self-destruct kind? No, thanks, doc. It's not going to end that way... hopefully. : '''Black Knight:''' We'll dispense with the pleasantries. You know what we want. : '''Rex:''' There is no way you're walking out of here with the nanites. : '''Black Knight:''' You seem so certain. : '''Rex:''' We've beaten you before. Every single time, in fact. So, this time is different... How? Okay, that's different. Ugh! You're an EVO?! : '''Black Knight:''' Do you think you were the only one they experimented on back in the day? You were the guinea pig. Consider me the new-and-improved version. : '''Rex:''' Okay. Before we go any further, I should probably explain a few things. It started when a bunch of rich guys decided they wanted to live forever, so they got the best scientists in the world to figure out how. The answer was nanites. These microscopic machines would cure disease, end hunger, and pretty much make the world a better place. My parents and older brother were on the team, and so was this guy. Look familiar? Van Kleiss. Then one day there was an accident. To save my life, my parents injected me with nanites. It worked. But there were a few crazy side effects, like the fact I could talk to machines and, later on, build some pretty cool things. That got the rich guys thinking-- How far could we take this? Turns out pretty far. These little machines could control the very fabric of the Universe, but they would need a Master-Control Nanite to program all the others and tell them what to do. Energy, gravity, time/space, elemental, mechanical-- All the things that make the Universe run. Combined together, they would pretty much make you a God. And when my brother and parents found out the Consortium was about to put these nanites inside themselves, they sort of freaked out in a "got to save the Earth" kind of way. Something had to be done to stop it. Turns out that meant blowing the whole thing up, better known as "The Nanite Event". That didn't end well for my parents. While everyone else ran away, my parents were trapped inside. Sill not sure how. There was some good news-- No more Master-Control Nanites. And the bad news? Dangerous unprogrammed nanites got spread across the world, and nanites plus DNA equals EVO. My brother Caesar got caught in a time warp during his escape. Van Kleiss got blown to smithereens and became the world's biggest pain in the nanite. And me? I got amnesia and traveled the globe living the good life... At least, that's how I tell it. The only part I know of wasn't all that much to brag about. I did get some good friends and a few enemies out of the deal. Turns out that losing my memory was a regular thing for me. Last time I woke up and said, "Who Am I?" It was when this guy found me-- Agent Six. He worked for Providence, sort of a global police force created to clean up after the event. It was paid for mostly by the same group of goons that started the whole thing-- The Consortium. It was great for a while. I had my own personal doctor, a chimp sidekick, a cool best friend to hang with. I was a full-fledged hero. The world loved me, and my powers kept getting better and better. Van Kleiss was still a pain, but I managed to take care of him. A few times, actually. Then things started to get not so cool. My brother shows up from out of nowhere. I get thrown six months into the future to find White Knight kicked out of Providence and this lady in charge-- Black Knight. She's been the lapdog of the Consortium from day one, and now her bosses want to pick up where they left off. Most of the old team of scientists have been reunited, and together, they've restarted the nanite program. The Master-Control Nanites were spread across the globe in the first explosion, and we've been racing against Providence to get them back. So far, we've been winning that fight, and that pretty much brings us to right now. : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Black Knight grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' The Black Pawns are robots?! : '''Black Knight:''' Total obedience at the flip of a switch. Can you blame me? : '''Black Pawn:''' What's so funny? : '''Six:''' I hold back against people. You're not people. : ''[Bobo Haha grunts]'' : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Black Knight grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' Huh? Ugh! : '''Feakins:''' Hey! Hey! Take it easy, would you? Oh! : '''Rex:''' Fitzy?! : '''Feakins:''' Heh? Sorry, guy. They found me. She's hard to say "No" to... and live. : '''Black Knight:''' Well put, Mr. Feakins. And thanks to his unique ability, we can set aside our nanite enhancements and do this the old-fashioned way. : '''Rex:''' Come on. That's not fair. I'm unarmed! : '''Black Knight:''' Precisely. : '''Van Kleiss:''' Stop! Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad idea. : '''Rex:''' Listen to the crazy guy. : '''Black Knight:''' Why are you here, Van Kleiss? : '''Van Kleiss:''' I forgot. Oh, no, wait. I remember. He's got a Master Control Nanite swallowed up inside him. It's been hiding, the naughty thing. : '''Rex:''' On second thought, don't listen to him. He's, uh-- He's crazy, remember? : '''Black Knight:''' You're sure of this? : '''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, yes, yes. Quite sure. Do you have any mints? : '''Black Knight:''' I want Rex at the lab. Restrain and sedate him. : '''Rex:''' How, hold on a minute. : '''Feakins:''' Hey! What about me? : '''Black Knight:''' I'm not taking any chances. He stays with Rex. Kill the others. : '''Rex:''' Ugh! Ahh. : '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Human. : '''Rex:''' What are you telling me? What do you want? : '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete. : '''Rex:''' Okay, I get it. How? : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Rex gasps]'' : '''Caesar:''' Calm down, Rex. You're safe. : '''Rex:''' Safe?! Black Knight and her robo-troopers just came knocking, and Van crazy says I have a Master Control Nanite inside me! : '''Caesar:''' Fascinating, isn't it? All this time, it's been hiding undetected inside you. I wonder if this particular control unit is responsible for his unique nano-evolution. : '''Rex:''' Are any of you even listening to me? : '''Feakins:''' Boy, I am. It's like a movie but real! I just want to go start pressing buttons. Can I get another milkshake? : '''Dr. Meechum:''' How exactly do you plan on getting it out of him? : '''Black Knight:''' I have a suggestion. Tear it out. : '''Rylander:''' It would kill him. : '''Black Knight:''' That's none of my concern. : '''Caesar:''' The nanite is tied to his DNA. Simply pulling it out of him would ruin the nanite. : '''Rex:''' And me, too, remember? : '''Caesar:''' The only way this will work is if we put him in the cyclotron with the other Metas. It should extract automatically during the reassembly. : '''Black Knight:''' And if it doesn't? : '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Good question. : '''Rex:''' Here's another one-- Don't I get a say in this? Like, isn't this the exact thing that our parents died trying to stop? : '''Black Knight:''' Take him to the hub and prepare for the transfer. The Consortium is here and extremely impatient. I want this finished within the hour. : '''Feakins:''' Aah! Hey, what am I-- Sandpaper? Not so rough! ''[sputtering]'' Rough. : '''Rex:''' Glad someone can see the humor in this. : '''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, see that Rex is well taken care of. : '''Dr. Meechum:''' ''[to Caesar]'' I hope you know what you're doing, Salazar. This is a huge risk we're taking. : '''Rylander:''' Listen to Peter. The thing we swore to stop at any cost, the thing that took your parents-- It could happen-- Right here, today! : '''Caesar:''' It can't, and it won't. You'll have to trust me on this. : '''Rylander:''' You can only say that so many times, Caesar. : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We've been waiting almost an hour. Not even refreshments? : '''Black Knight:''' You can have your snack after we become Gods. : '''Roswell:''' "We"? : '''Black Knight:''' That's right-- "We." None of this would be possible without my efforts. : '''Roswell:''' And our money, sister. : '''Black Knight:''' By all means, have your contempt. There's plenty of room buried next to the Russian if you'd like to keep him company. That's what I thought. Now, if you'll follow me-- : '''Bobo:''' "Kill the others." Not gonna happen, lady. We're bulletproof. Ow! Hangnail. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! We know where they took him. Why are we here? We need to go get Rex. : '''Six:''' I agree. We just don't have the resources, Rebecca. We'd need an army. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've been known to make the impossible happen, Six. How hard could that be? : '''Six:''' Six here. Copy that. We just got ourselves an army. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' You see? : '''Van Kleiss:''' That will be all. : '''Feakins:''' But the lady said-- Good luck, Kid. : '''Van Kleiss:''' These restraints were made for you. You're very special, you know. : '''Rex:''' Lucky me. : '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss... leave us. : '''Rex:''' I really hate you. : '''Caesar:'''I know how this looks, Rex. : '''Rex:''' But what? I just have to trust you? Is that what you were going to say? Just help me-- Please. : '''Caesar:''' It may not seem like it, but I am. : '''Rex:''' Caesar... I'm scared. : '''Caesar:''' So am I, little brother. This will all be over in a few minutes. : '''Rex:''' It's already over! When I get out of this, I never want to see you again! : '''Rylander:''' Commencing countdown. : '''Roswell:''' WHOO-HOO! : '''Reddick:''' Payback time! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Caesar:''' This won't be entirely unpleasant. It should feel similar to when you offload surplus nanites. : '''Rex:''' Stop! You can't do this! You can't merge! : '''Dr. Meechum:''' Something's wrong. : '''Rylander:''' Of course something's wrong. The kid is fighting it. : '''Caesar:''' This could be bad. : '''Rylander:''' You have to tell him, Caesar! : '''Caesar:''' Rex, you have to stop. Listen to me. The nanites are supposed to do-- Rex? Can you hear me? : '''Dr. Meechum:''' Actually, he can't. There's a short in the comm relay. : '''Van Kleiss:''' This would be a wonderful day for a picnic. : '''Rex:''' RA-A-A-A-A-A-H! : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Ugh! : '''Black Knight:''' Ugh! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' So much for that plan. : ''[Rex laughs]'' : '''Rex:''' Oh, serves you right. All that and you come out of the oven looking like freaks. Nice job! : '''Black Knight:''' It's not exactly what we were expecting, but it's a start. : '''Reddick:''' This isn't what we agreed to. : '''Roswell:''' Where's the rest of our power? This is all messed up! : '''Dr. Meechum:''' How can this be possible? : '''Rylander:''' The Meta-Nanites were dispersed between the five. This is quite a surprise. : '''Caesar:''' We've got to get Rex out of there. Step aside, Van Kleiss. : '''Van Kleiss:''' They still don't have what they want... and neither do you. : '''Black Knight:''' You're angry. I can see that. If you want to take it out on anyone, it should be Rex. : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I think I can agree to that. : '''Roswell:''' Count me in! This might actually be fun! : '''Rex:''' Let's think about this for a second. Whoa! : ''[Rex grunts]'' : '''Rex:''' How 'bout that? Exactly one second. Whoa! Aah! : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What a perfect way to learn to use our powers-- Tearing this brat apart. : '''Rex:''' Only one problem with that, sparky. I've been using my powers a whole lot longer-- And I'm pretty good. : '''Roswell:''' You got any ideas here, missy, or we gonna stand around and get it handed to us? : '''Black Knight:''' The Meta-Nanites were designed to work together. So will we. : '''Rex:''' What? Are you gonna join together to make a robo-mutant? : '''Black Knight:''' That's exactly what we're going to do. : '''Rex:''' I need to stop giving them ideas. Huh? : ''[Rex grunts]'' : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Black Knight:''' No one the help you-- No family, no friends, nothing. It's a terrible way to go. : '''White Knight:''' Captain Calan, target the base. All weapons, sire. : '''Providence Agent:''' Fire control reports they're being jammed, sir. : '''White Knight:''' Only one salvo. Black Knight must have prepared for this. : ''[Rex groans softly]'' : '''Rex:''' Big giant robot. Black Knight. : '''Six:''' We know. : '''Rex:''' Have to... stay and stop them. : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Another time, Rex. : '''Rex:''' I-I-- : ''[Rex groans]'' : '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to White Knight. We have Rex. : '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We're just gonna watch them go?! : '''Black Knight:''' Let Providence have their weapon back. With our combined power, the world is ours. ===Endgame, Part Two=== :'''Black Knight:''' Science has given us a tremendous gift-- Nanites. We've seen what they can do-- The good and the bad. But they're true potential has been largely unseen. Until now. Our goals are varied. Fame... power... revenge... wealth... order. Yet, one thing unites us-- Greed. You're surprised I admit it? Well, don't be. You'll never get far in life without wanting it all. And for those who might consider standing in our way... We'll let our powers speak for themselves. The world is ours. And no one can stop us. :''[Roswell laughs]'' :'''Roswell:''' This is more fun than my first rodeo. What else you got? :'''Six:''' Any change? :'''Dr. Holiday:''' He's sleeping. The nanites in him are making repairs. That's a good thing. He's a tough kid, Six. :'''Six:''' I know. :'''Dr. Meechum:''' See you next time. Judging by what you fed us for lunch, I'm guessing twenty minutes. Can't even go to the little scientists' room without them breathing down our necks. How long are we going to put up with this? :'''Caesar:''' I know it's not easy working under these circumstances. :'''Dr. Meechum:''' Do you? I don't hear you complaining, or have you even noticed that we're prisoniers? :'''Rylander:''' Gentlemen, please. Can we focus on a more important problem? The Consortium's gain of power is a troubling outcome. Something should be done. :'''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're talking about stopping them, I'm listening. :'''Black Knight:''' I want you all in the boardroom in three minutes. :'''Dr. Meechum:''' The world is being taken over by nanite-fueled ex-c.e.o. Psychos, and they still act like they're running a business. :'''Roswell:''' You nerds gave us a raw deal. I want a do-over. :'''Caesar''': A do-over? :'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What my colleague means to say is that our powers are remarkable to be sure, but we only have one seventh of what we were promised. :'''Rylander:''' You're asking a lot. :'''Dr. Meechum:''' You're asking the impossible. You'd be lucky to survive the extraction. :'''Caesar:''' This is true. You may be powerful, but you're not Rex. :'''Black Knight:''' I share your disappointment, gentlemen. But are you willing to lose everything for this? :'''Roswell:''' Go big or go home. :'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, what do you have to say? :'''Van Kleiss:''' Easy-peasy. I can do it. It's only a matter of correctly calibrating the bio-filters with the homing frequency of the nanites. By the way, have you seen my socks? :'''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss-- :'''Black Knight:''' Has an assignment. The rest of you... Stay out of trouble. :'''Rex:''' You started without me. :'''Six:''' Glad to see you up and around. Something bothering you? :'''Rex:''' Besides black knight taking over the world? I'm trying to find my friends. I know Providence took them. :'''Six:''' We're working on that. :'''Rex:''' And are we doing anything about the Consortium? What about... The robot? The one I can build. Don't play dumb, Six. :'''Six:''' Come with me. :'''Rex:''' That's me? No way! All this time, I could have been making myself into that thing? Ohh! Maybe not. :'''Six:''' Evidence suggest that you've never been able to control it. It's a weapon of last defense. This was filmed on the day that I found you. It was also the day I made a promise that it would be the last time you ever built this machine. :''[Rex scoffs]'' :'''Rex:''' Or what, you'd kill me? You plan on keeping that promise? :'''Six:''' Rex, you have to know something. We believe this is the type of thing that ends in you losing your memory. :'''Rex:''' Well, it happened to you, and you turned out just fine. :'''Six:''' I only lost six years. Six years is all you have. You would lose everything. I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but you need to think about the consequences of some of your options. :'''Noah:''' It feels weird hanging out when the world is under attack. I don't know if I should be fighting back or out in the wilderness setting up a survival compound. :'''Rex:''' If you had the power to stop all this, but it meant losing everything, would you do it, Noah? :'''Noah:''' I don't know. I'm just glad I don't have to make that kind of decision. I guess that's why you're the hero. :''[Rex sighs]'' :'''Rex:''' I wish I could get some kind of sign. Anything. Hmm. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Red and yellow, red and yellow. One false move can kill a fellow. :''[Van Kleiss laughs]'' :'''Dr. Meechum:''' He's got local control. We're locked out. I still don't even know how this is possible. :'''Rylander:''' I've been looking at the data projections. As crazy as Van Kleiss is, his theory is sound. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Sorry to disturb your sleepy sleep. There might be a slight delay. :'''Black Knight:''' Why? :'''Van Kleiss:''' We have a visitor. Should I set out tea? :'''Rex:''' Hey, in there! Come on out! :'''Black Knight:''' Back for more? Happy to accommodate. :'''Rex:''' I should warn you. It's going to get ugly. :'''Black Knight:''' One would think you would have learned the last time. I can feel you resisting me. Stop. :'''Roswell:''' Why is it you get to call all the shots? :'''Black Knight:''' Because I'm the one who has the power to join us. Help me defeat Rex, and you can call all the shots you like. :'''Rex:''' Hyah! :''[Rex babbling]'' :''[Rex gasps]'' :'''Six:''' It's a weapon of last defense. It's happened. :'''Noah:''' That's Rex? :'''White Knight:''' I'm going to assume you're seeing what I'm seeing. :'''Six:''' White-- :'''White Knight:''' Before you say anything, Six-- Whatever agreement we may have had regarding this situation no longer applies. Am I clear? :'''Six:''' Understood. :'''Dr. Holiday''': What was that all about? :'''Six:''' A second chance. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, we have to do something. :'''Six:''' I've seen it before. We're too late. :''[Rex coughing]'' :'''Rex:''' Donde esta mi zapato? :'''Noah:''' Rex! Hold on! :'''Rex:''' What? What happened? :'''Bobo:''' You blew up, kid. :'''Six:''' Do you know who we are? :'''Rex:''' I... I do! Oh-ho! I remember! Ow! Ow! I wish I could forget this pain in my... The Consortium! :'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' This is utter nonsense. I refuse to be led around like a show dog. :'''Reddick:''' You can always go back outside and take it up with Providence. :'''Black Knight:''' Guard the door. Nothing gets by you. :'''Six:''' They're robots. :'''Rex:''' Oh! Right! That part I forgot. :'''Bobo:''' Next time, leave some for the rest of us, huh? :'''Rylander:''' I'll stay here and guard the equipment. :''[Rylander laughs]'' :'''Caesar:''' Little brother, they've had this place completely locked down. I've been trying to reach you. :'''Bobo:''' What he said. :'''Dr. Meechum:''' Yeah, you deserved that. :'''Rex:''' Open it. :'''Dr. Meechum:''' We can't. Still completely locked out of the system. Besides, you can't interrupt once the cycle has started. :'''Rex:''' Well, then, un-start it! :'''Black Knight:''' You cleaned up for the occasion. How thoughtful of you. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, this isn't for you. You didn't actually believe that I'd let the five of you have all this power. :'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I thought you were working for us? :''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]'' :'''Rex:''' You see that? I knew it! He's not crazy! Okay... oh! He's crazy, but just his usual crazy. :'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, I am not amused. :'''Van Kleiss:''' I don't imagine you would be. This was always my intention, even in the very beginning. It's a pity your parents caught me trying to activate the sequence for myself. And, of course, there's the "broken" hatch. The world would be a much better place if they had just left well enough alone. :'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Black Knight, do something. :'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, you have made a huge mistake. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, then, let the fun begin. :''[Black Knight groans]'' :''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]'' :'''Dr. Meechum:''' You can't overload that relay from a subdirectory. You have to get a root. It's impossible from here. :'''Caesar:''' You're a very negative person, Peter Meechum. :''[Dr. Meechum groans]'' :'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'll try from the main terminal in the lab. :''[Rex grunts]'' :'''Caesar:''' Rex, wait! That's not necessary. :'''Rex:''' I'm not waiting around, hermano. :'''Caesar:''' No. That's not what I mean. :'''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I can see it. :''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]'' :'''Van Kleiss:''' Huh? No. :''[Van Kleiss groans]'' :'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's incredible something so small could have so much [[w:Omnipotence|power]]. That thing could rip apart the very fabric of the universe. :'''Rex:''' It's still a nanite. I'm gonna talk to it. :'''Caesar:''' No. It's okay. :''[The fully complete Meta Nanite comes to Rex, as if it were waiting for him, whose eyes and body glow with a pale blue cosmic aura.]'' :'''Caesar:''' Rex, listen to me. The Meta-Nanite-- It could never work in anyone but you. Now in its pure state. Mom and dad, we programmed them that way from the very beginning. All of this... It's meant for you. :'''Six:''' What are you saying? :'''Caesar:''' Right now, Rex is [[Omnipotence|the most powerful being in the universe]]. :'''Bobo:''' You hear that, Kid? Don't let it get to your head. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, can you hear me? :'''Rex:''' Yeah, doc. This is pretty trippy. Not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do now. :'''Black Knight:''' You're a [[God]], Rex. You can do anything you want. :'''Six:''' You know what to do. :'''Rex:''' You're right, Six. So are the rest of you. I can do anything I want. Maybe it's time for a revolution. Isn't that what you five wanted? A revolution? Well, welcome to it. :'''Noah:''' Is he gonna be like this from now on? :'''Rylander:''' Uh... People. He's inside the nanite reactor. :'''Dr. Holiday and Caesar:''' Inside? :'''Rex:''' Okay, little guys. I need you to do something for me. :'''Black Knight:''' Follow me, quickly. :'''Reddick:''' I'm through following you. We trusted you everything, and look what we got. :'''Black Knight:''' We may still be able to retain some of our abilities, but only if you follow me. :'''Dr. Meechum:''' Are you seeing this? :'''Rylander:''' Tehnically, I don't have eyes, but yes. :'''Providence Agent:''' Reports are coming in. EVO's all over the world are spontaneously curing. :'''Six:''' Not spontaneous. :'''Caesar:''' He must have programmed all the nanites in the reactor to initiate a worldwide cure event. :'''Black Knight:''' What is your next directive? :'''Rex:''' I don't want anyone using you again. Ever. And that includes me. Deactivate. :''[Rex groans]'' :'''Rex:''' I think it's over. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' I think you're right. :'''Caesar:''' I wanted to tell you, brother. So much was at stake. :'''Rex:''' We're good. And we'll always be brothers. :'''Diane Ferrah:''' Across the world, not an EVO to be found. After more than six years, it appears we've awoken from the nightmare. :'''White Knight:''' The EVOs may be gone, but we still have nanites. :'''Rex:''' Leave it to you to spoil all the fun, White Knight. :'''Dr. Holiday:''' There are some people here to see you, Rex. :'''Rex:''' Tuck? Cricket? Skwydd? :'''Skwydd:''' Eh, I guess I should start going by Walter again. :''[Rex runs to Circe and the two lovers share a close hug, happy to be together at last]'' :'''Rex:''' Uh... Are you...? :'''Circe:''' I'm okay. Normal, but okay. I think you may have put yourself out of a job. :'''Skywdd:''' Yeah. What are you gonna do? Go to school? :'''Rylander:''' It was nice having the team back together. You know, we should find a new project. :'''Dr. Meechum:''' You kidding? I'd rather have root canal with a rake. Worst experience of my life. :'''Caesar:''' Do you want to hear about some of my new ideas or not? :'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'm listening. :'''Rex:''' Finally. :'''Six:''' Need anything? :'''Rex:''' Nope. I'm good. There's always going to be something, isn't there? :'''Six:''' Yes, there is. ==Characters== ===Main=== *Rex Salazar (Daryl Sabara) *Six *White Knight *Bobo Haha ===Supporting=== *Circe (Tara Sands) *Tuck (Dante Bosco) *Skwydd *Cricket *Beverley Holiday *Caesar Salazar *Five *Tres *IV ===Villains=== *Van Kleiss *The Pack *Gatlocke *Hunter Cain *Quarry *Black Knight *The Consortium ===Couples=== *Dr. Rebecca Holiday & Six *Rex & Circe *Noah Nixon & Claire Bowman ==Elements== ===Rex's Machines "Builds"=== *Big Fat Sword *Buzz Saw *Punk Busters *Boogie Pack *Cannon *Smack Hands ===Rex's Other Abilities=== *Technopathy *Data Manipulation *Technological Manipulation *E.V.O. Curing *Breach Detection *Electronic Disruption ===Omega Nanite-Powered Builds=== *Blast Caster *Funchucks *Bad Axes *Block Party *Sky Slider *Water Jet ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} * [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1636691/ Generator Rex] at [[Internet Movie Database]] * [http://generatorrexpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Generator_Rex Generator Rex] at Wikia {{Authority control}} [[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Teen superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Cartoon Network original series]] [[Category:Television series by Cartoon Network Studios]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Teen animated TV shows]] khqjrnj7d97872aetzx4pfzyf383hcm 0 126353 3949395 3938847 2026-06-06T02:52:28Z Kitarosan007 3155098 /* I */ 3949395 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Productivity and wages in the United States.svg|thumb|When citizens are relatively equal, politics has tended to be fairly democratic. When a few individuals hold enormous amounts of wealth, democracy suffers. The reason for this pattern is simple. Through campaign contributions, lobbying, influence over public discourse, and other means, wealth can be translated into political power. When wealth is highly concentrated—that is, when a few individuals have enormous amounts of money—political power tends to be highly concentrated, too. The wealthy few tend to rule. Average citizens lose political power. Democracy declines. ~ [[Benjamin I. Page]] and Martin Gilens]] [[File:Mao Tse-Tung, leader of China's Communists, addresses some of his followers. - NARA - 196235.tif|thumb|In socialist society, the [[dictatorship of the proletariat]] replaces bourgeois dictatorship and the public ownership of the means of production replaces private ownership. The proletariat, from being an oppressed and exploited class, turns into a ruling class and a fundamental change takes place in the social position of the working people. Exercising dictatorship over a few exploiters only, the state of the dictatorship of the proletariat practices the broadest democracy among the masses of the working people, a democracy that is impossible in capitalist society. ~ [[Mao Zedong]]]] [[File:London_Anti_Iraq_War_march%2C_15Feb_2003.jpg|thumb|On February 15, 2003, weeks before the invasion, [[w:15_February_2003_anti-war_protests|more than ten million people marched against the war on different continents]], including North America. And yet the governments of many supposedly democratic countries still went to war. The question is: is “democracy” still democratic? Are democratic governments accountable to the people who elected them? ~ [[Arundhati Roy]]]] [[File:2021 storming of the United States Capitol DSC09254-2 (50820534063) (retouched).jpg|thumb|We are still, at our core, a democracy. And yet history tells us that blind loyalty to a single leader and a willingness to engage in political violence is fatal to democracy. For a long time, we’ve told ourselves that American democracy is guaranteed, but it’s not. We have to defend it, protect it, stand up for it — each and every one of us. ~ [[Joe Biden]] ]] [[File:AdoptionOf13thAmendment.jpg|thumb|Democracy begins and will be preserved in we, the people’s, habits of heart, in our character: optimism that is tested yet endures, courage that digs deep when we need it, empathy that fuels democracy, the willingness to see each other not as enemies but as fellow Americans. Look, our democracy is imperfect. It always has been. But history and common sense tell us that opportunity, liberty, and justice for all are most likely to come to pass in a democracy. ~ [[Joe Biden]] ]] [[File:Brandeisl.jpg|thumb|We must make our choice. We may have democracy, or we may have wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we can't have both. ~ [[Louis Brandeis]]]] [[File:Dr. Bhimrao Ambedkar.jpg|right|thumb|My definition of democracy is - A form and a method of Government whereby revolutionary changes in the social life are brought about without bloodshed. That is the real test. It is perhaps the severest test. But when you are judging the quality of the material you must put it to the severest test.{{fact}} ~ [[B. R. Ambedkar]]]] [[File:Diagram of the Federal Government and American Union edit.jpg|right|thumb|Democracy is not a caucus, obtaining a fixed term of office by promises, and then doing what it likes with the people. We hold that there ought to be a constant relationship between the rulers and the people. "[[Abraham Lincoln#The_Gettysburg_Address_(1863)|Government of the people, by the people, for the people]]," still remains the sovereign definition of democracy. ~ [[Winston Churchill]] ]] [[File:Goddess of Democracy profile HK 20100604.jpg|right|thumb|Many forms of Government have been tried and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time. ~ [[Winston Churchill]] ]] [[File:Aldous Huxley 1929.png|thumb|By means of ever more effective methods of mind-manip­ulation, the democracies will change their nature; the quaint old forms&mdash; elections, parliaments, Supreme Courts and all the rest&mdash;will remain. ... Democracy and freedom will be the theme of every broadcast and editorial. ... Meanwhile the ruling oligarchy and its highly trained elite of sol­diers, policemen, thought-manufacturers and mind-manipulators will quietly run the show as they see fit.<br>~ [[Aldous Huxley]]]] [[File:Diagram of the Federal Government and American Union edit.jpg|thumb|The essence of our free Government is to be governed by those impersonal forces which we call law. The Executive, except for recommendation and veto, has no legislative power. With all its defects, delays and inconveniences, men have discovered no technique for long preserving free government except that the Executive be under the law, and that the law be made by parliamentary deliberations. ~ [[Robert H. Jackson]] ]] [[File:K_Street_NW_at_19th_Street.jpg|thumb|The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular representatives of the oppressing class shall represent and repress them in parliament. ~ [[Vladimir Lenin]]]] [[File:Friedrich Engels-1.jpg|thumb|right|People think they have taken quite an extraordinarily bold step forward when they have rid themselves of belief in hereditary monarchy and swear by the democratic republic. In reality, however, the state is nothing but a machine for the oppression of one class by another, and indeed in the democratic republic no less than in the monarchy. ~ [[Friedrich Engels]]]] [[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-R06610, Oswald Spengler.jpg|thumb|Democracy and [[plutocracy]] are the same thing ... respect for the big number—expressed in the principles of equality for all, natural rights, and universal suffrage—is just as much a class‑ideal of the unclassed as freedom of public opinion (and more particularly freedom of the press) is so. These are ideals, but in actuality the freedom of public opinion involves the preparation of public opinion, which costs money; and the freedom of the press brings with it the question of possession of the press, which again is a matter of money; and with the franchise comes electioneering, in which he who pays the piper calls the tune. ~ [[Oswald Spengler]]]] [[File:Rene-guenon-1925.jpg|thumb|The great ability of those who are in control in the modern world lies in making the people believe that they are governing themselves; and the people are the more inclined to believe this as they are flattered by it.<br>~ [[René Guénon]]]] <!--[[File:2013 State of the Union Address.jpg|thumb|A Democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of Government. It can only exist until the voters discover they can vote themselves largess out of the public treasury. From that moment on the majority always votes for the candidate promising the most benefits from the public treasury with the result that Democracy always collapses over a loose fiscal policy, always to be followed by a Dictatorship and a Monarchy.<br>~ An unknown author, first quoted in [https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=tHRWAAAAYAAJ&q=%22written+by+professor+Alexander+Fraser+Tytler%22 ''Pennsylvania Township News''] vols. 14–15, 1961, where the quote is attributed to [[w:Alexander Fraser Tytler|Alexander Fraser Tytler]] ]] --> [[File:San Jose May Day 01.jpg|thumb|The more general causes which tend to destroy this or other kinds of government have been pretty fully considered. In order to constitute such a democracy and strengthen the people, the leaders have been in the habit including as many as they can, and making citizens not only of those who are legitimate, but even of the illegitimate, and of those who have only one parent a citizen, whether father or mother; for nothing of this sort comes amiss to such a democracy. This is the way in which demagogues proceed.<br>~ [[Aristotle]]]] [[File:SPD-Plakat 1919.jpg|thumb|Measures which are taken by tyrants appear all of them to be democratic; such, for instance, as the license permitted to slaves (which may be to a certain extent advantageous) and also that of women and children, and the allowing everybody to live as he likes. Such a government will have many supporters, for most persons would rather live in a disorderly than in a sober manner.<br>~ [[Aristotle]]]] [[File:Voting Sign at Night.jpg|thumb|Economic elites and organized groups representing business interests have substantial independent impacts on U.S. government policy, while average citizens and mass-based interest groups have little or no independent influence. The results provide substantial support for theories of Economic-Elite Domination, ... but not for theories of Majoritarian Electoral Democracy.<br>~ Martin Gilens and [[Benjamin I. Page]]]] [[File:Super Tuesday Vote Utah.jpg|thumb|The essence of a U.S.A. totalitarian socio-political capitalism is concealed behind the illusion of a mass participatory society. We must rip away its mask. ~ [[George Jackson (activist)|George L. Jackson]]]] [[File:Chomsky01.jpg|thumb|While the US pays lip service to democracy, the real commitment is to "private, capitalist enterprise." When the rights of investors are threatened, democracy has to go; if these rights are safeguarded, killers and torturers will do just fine. ~ [[Noam Chomsky]]]] [[File:King_Charles_I_after_original_by_van_Dyck.jpg|thumb| Democracy is the power of equal votes for unequal minds. ~ [[w:Charles I of England|Charles I]] ]] [[File:Alexis de tocqueville.jpg|thumb|The public, therefore, among a democratic people, has a singular power, which aristocratic nations cannot conceive; for it does not persuade others to its beliefs, but it imposes them and makes them permeate the thinking of everyone by a sort of enormous pressure of the mind of all upon the individual intelligence. ~ [[Alexis de Tocqueville]]]] [[File:Lucy Parsons.1920.jpg|thumb|Never be deceived that the rich will allow you to vote away their wealth. ~ [[Lucy Parsons]]]] [[File:Old packard bell pc.jpg|thumb|Democracy is spreading across the world. Democracy is only possible with easy access to [[information]] and [[good]] [[communications]]. And [[technology]] is a way of facilitating communications. ~ [[Tom Clancy]]]] [[File:George Caleb Bingham - The County Election.jpg|thumb|The one pervading evil of democracy is the tyranny of the majority, or rather of that party, not always the majority, that succeeds, by force or fraud, in carrying elections. ~ [[Lord Acton]] ]] [[File:George Caleb Bingham - Stump Speaking.jpg|thumb|I believe in democracy, but in real democracy, not a phony democracy in which just powerful people can speak. For me, in a democracy everyone speaks. ~ [[Augusto Boal]] ]] [[File:Allegorie der Habsucht 17Jh.jpg|thumb|Human affairs have scarcely ever been so happily constituted as that the better course pleased the greater number. Hence the private vices of the multitude have generally resulted in public error. ~ [[John Calvin]]]] [[File:George Caleb Bingham - The Verdict of the People.jpg|thumb|So two cheers for Democracy: one because it admits [[variety]] and two because it permits [[criticism]]. ~ [[E. M. Forster]] ]] [[File:Aristo.png|thumb|Number is to democracy in the place of justice based on merit.<br>~ [[Aristotle]]]] '''[[w:Democracy|Democracy]]''' (Greek: δημοκρατία dēmokratía, literally "rule by people") is a system of [[government]] where the citizens exercise power by [[voting]]. In a [[direct democracy]], the citizens as a whole form a governing body and vote directly on each issue. In a [[w:Representative democracy|representative democracy]] the citizens elect representatives from among themselves. These representatives meet to form a governing body, such as a legislature. In a constitutional democracy the powers of the majority are exercised within the framework of a representative democracy, but the [[Constitutions|constitution]] limits the [[majority]] and protects the [[Minority group|minority]], usually through the enjoyment by all of certain individual rights, e.g. [[freedom of speech]], or [[Freedom of assembly|freedom of association]]. "Rule of the majority" is commonly referred to as democracy. __NOTOC__ {{TOCalpha|[[#Misattributed|Misattributed]]}} ==A== [[File:Thefalloftheberlinwall1989.JPG|thumb|If [[liberty]] and [[equality]], as is thought by some, are chiefly to be found in democracy, they will be best attained when all persons alike share in the [[government]] to the utmost. ~ [[Aristotle]] ]] [[File:Aung San Suu Kyi greeting supporters from Bago State.jpg|thumb|Democracy allows people to have different views, and democracy … makes us also responsible for negotiating an answer for those views. ~ [[Aung San Suu Kyi]] ]] * The manifest, the avowed difficulty is that democracy, no less than [[monarchy]] or [[aristocracy]], sacrifices everything to maintain itself, and strives, with an energy and a plausibility that kings and [[Nobility|nobles]] cannot attain, to override [[representation]], to annul all the forces of [[Resistance movement|resistance]] and deviation, and to secure, by Plebiscite, Referendum, or Caucus, free play for the will of the majority. '''The true democratic principle, that none shall have power over the people, is taken to mean that none shall be able to restrain or to elude its power. The true democratic principle, that the people shall not be made to do what it does not like, is taken to mean that it shall never be required to tolerate what it does not like. The true democratic principle, that every man‘s free will shall be as unfettered as possible, is taken to mean that the free will of the collective people shall be fettered in nothing.''' [[Freedom of religion|Religious toleration]], judicial independence, dread of [[centralisation]], jealousy of State interference, become obstacles to freedom instead of safeguards, when the centralised force of the State is wielded by the hands of the people. '''Democracy claims to be not only supreme, without authority above, but absolute, without independence below; to be its own master, not a trustee. The old sovereigns of the world are exchanged for a new one, who may be flattered and deceived, but whom it is impossible to corrupt or to resist, and to whom must be rendered the things that are [[Julius Caesar|Caesar]]'s and also the things that are [[God]]’s.''' The enemy to be overcome is no longer the [[absolutism]] of the State, but the [[liberty]] of the subject. **[[Lord Acton]], in his review of "Sir Erskine May's Democracy in Europe" in ''The Quarterly Review'' (January 1878), p. 73 * As surely as the long reign of the rich has been employed in promoting the accumulation of wealth, the advent of the poor to power will be followed by schemes for diffusing it. '''Seeing how little was done by the wisdom of former times for [[education]] and [[Health care|public health]], for [[insurance]], association, and savings, for the protection of labour against the law of self-interest, and how much has been accomplished in this generation, there is reason in the fixed belief that a great change was needed, and that democracy has not striven in vain. [[Liberty]], for the mass, is not [[happiness]]; and institutions are not an end but a means.''' The thing they seek is a force sufficient to sweep away scruples and the obstacle of rival interests, and, in some degree, to better their condition. They mean that the strong hand that heretofore has formed great States, protected religions, and defended the independence of nations, shall help them by preserving life, and endowing it for them with some, at least, of the things men live for. '''That is the notorious danger of modern democracy. That is also its [[purpose]] and its [[strength]].''' And against this threatening power the weapons that struck down other despots do not avail. The greatest happiness principle positively confirms it. The principle of equality, besides being as easily applied to property as to power, opposes the existence of persons or groups of persons exempt from the common law, and independent of the common will; and the principle, that authority is a matter of contract, may hold good against kings, but not against the sovereign people, because a contract implies two parties. **[[Lord Acton]], in his review of "Sir Erskine May's Democracy in Europe" in ''The Quarterly Review'' (January 1878), p. 74 * '''The one pervading [[evil]] of democracy is the [[tyranny]] of the majority, or rather of that [[party]], not always the majority, that succeeds, by [[force]] or [[fraud]], in carrying [[elections]].''' To break off that point is to avert the danger. The common system of representation perpetuates the danger. Unequal electorates afford no security to majorities. Equal electorates give none to minorities. Thirty-five years ago it was pointed out that the remedy is proportional representation. It is profoundly democratic, for it increases the influence of thousands who would otherwise have no voice in the government; and it brings men more near an equality by so contriving that no vote shall be wasted, and that every voter shall contribute to bring into [[Parliament of the United Kingdom|Parliament]] a member of his own opinions. **[[Lord Acton]], in his review of "Sir Erskine May's Democracy in Europe" in ''The Quarterly Review'' (January 1878), p. 75<!-- ; also in [http://books.google.de/books?isbn=1150165065 ''The History of Freedom and Other Essays'', Section III: Sir Erskine May's Democracy in Europe], p. 76 --> *Even if the electoral districts are small and the number of winners is limited, if a party gathers a large number of votes nationwide, it should naturally be able to participate in politics through that support. Therefore, a system that respects political parties must emerge. That is why adopting a policy of carving up the electoral districts into tiny pieces is clearly an act of repression against smaller parties. And if it is repression, the end result will be the obstruction of Japanese democracy. This is a point that we simply cannot accept. **[[Inejirō Asanuma]], Member of the House of Representatives [https://teikokugikai-i.ndl.go.jp/#/detail?minId=009213242X03119470330&spkNum=65&current=3 (92nd Imperial Diet, House of Representatives Plenary Session, March 30, 1947)] * "It comes from a very ancient democracy, you see...." <br /> "You mean, it comes from a world of [[lizards]]?" <br /> "No," said Ford, who by this time was a little more rational and coherent than he had been, having finally had the [[coffee]] forced down him, "nothing so simple. Nothing anything like so straightforward. On its world, the people are people. The leaders are lizards. The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people." <br /> "Odd," said Arthur, "I thought you said it was a democracy." <br /> "I did," said Ford. "It is." <br /> "So," said Arthur, hoping he wasn't sounding ridiculously obtuse, "why don't the people get rid of the lizards?" <br /> "It honestly doesn't occur to them," said Ford. "They've all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they've voted in more or less approximates to the government they want." <br /> "You mean they actually ''vote'' for the lizards?" <br /> "Oh yes," said Ford with a shrug, "of course." <br /> "But," said Arthur, going for the big one again, "why?" <br /> "Because if they didn't vote for a lizard," said Ford, "the wrong lizard might get in." ** [[Douglas Adams]], in ''So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish'' (1984) ch. 36 * If this democracy is to survive, it is imperative that the judiciary as an institution and [[judges]] as individuals are not only [[Impartiality|impartial]] to those who appear before them but also that the wider public have the confidence that cases affecting their well-being will be decided fairly and in [[Rule of law|accordance with the law]]. ** [[Olusegun Adeniyi]], ''[https://www.opinionnigeria.com/politics-in-nigeria-when-judges-become-our-electoral-college-by-olusegun-adeniyi/ Politics In Nigeria: When Judges Become Our Electoral College]'' (February 28, 2020), ''Opinion Nigeria''. * Democracy by [[coercion]] is hardly democracy, in any language, and to some [[Indigenous peoples of the Americas|Indians]] recognizing that fact, the threat of extinction is preferable to the ignominy of [[enslavement]] in their own land. ** [[Paula Gunn Allen]], {{cite book |title=The Sacred Hoop: Recovering the Feminine in American Indian Traditions |date=1 September 1992 |publisher=Beacon Press |isbn=978-0-8070-4617-3}} Chapter One * I do not say that democracy has been more pernicious on the whole, and in the long run, than [[monarchy]] or [[aristocracy]]. Democracy has never been and never can be so durable as aristocracy or monarchy; but while it lasts, it is more bloody than either. … Remember, democracy never lasts long. It soon wastes, exhausts, and murders itself. There never was a democracy yet that did not commit suicide. It is in vain to say that democracy is less vain, less [[Pride|proud]], less [[Selfishness|selfish]], less [[Ambition|ambitious]], or less avaricious than aristocracy or monarchy. It is not true, in fact, and nowhere appears in [[history]]. Those passions are the same in all men, under all forms of simple government, and when unchecked, produce the same effects of [[fraud]], [[violence]], and [[cruelty]]. When clear prospects are opened before vanity, pride, avarice, or ambition, for their easy gratification, it is hard for the most considerate [[Philosophy|philosophers]] and the most conscientious moralists to resist the temptation. Individuals have conquered themselves. Nations and large bodies of men, never. ** [[John Adams]], letter to John Taylor (15 April 1814) * [[Fear]] and [[Destruction|destructiveness]] are the major emotional sources of [[fascism]], ''[[w:Eros|eros]]'' belongs mainly to democracy. ** [[Theodor Adorno]], [[w:Else Frenkel-Brunswik|Else Frenkel-Brunswik]], [[w:Daniel Levinson|Daniel Levinson]], and [[w:Nevitt Sanford|Nevitt Sanford]] in ''[[w:The Authoritarian Personality|The Authoritarian Personality]]'' (1950), p. 976 * Now, if an unjust government is carried on by one man alone who seeks his own benefit from his rule, and not the good of the multitude subject to him, such a ruler is called a tyrant — a word derived from strength, because he oppresses by might instead of ruling by justice. Thus among the ancients, all powerful men were called tyrants. But if the unjust government is carried on, not by one but by several, especially if they be few, it is called an [[oligarchy]], that is, the rule of the few. This occurs when a few, who differ from the tyrant only by the fact that they are more than one, oppress the people by means of their wealth. If, however, the bad government is carried on by the multitude it is called a democracy, that is, control by the populace. This comes about when the plebeian populace by force of numbers oppress the wealthy. In this way the whole people will be as one tyrant. ** [[Thomas Aquinas]], ''On the Government of Rulers'', pp. 37-38, trans. by Gerald B. Phelan * If [[liberty]] and [[equality]], as is thought by some, are chiefly to be found in democracy, they will be best attained when all persons alike share in the [[government]] to the utmost. ** [[Aristotle]], ''Politics'', book IV, 1291.b34 * The last form of democracy, that in which all share alike, is one which cannot be borne by all states, and will not last long unless well regulated by laws and customs. The more general causes which tend to destroy this or other kinds of government have been pretty fully considered. In order to constitute such a democracy and strengthen the people, the leaders have been in the habit including as many as they can, and '''making citizens not only of those who are legitimate, but even of the illegitimate, and of those who have only one parent a citizen, whether father or mother; for nothing of this sort comes amiss to such a democracy. This is the way in which [[Demagogue|demagogues]] proceed.''' Whereas the right thing would be to make no more additions when the number of the commonalty exceeds that of the notables and of the middle class beyond this not to go. When in excess of this point, the [[Constitutions|constitution]] becomes disorderly, and the notables grow excited and impatient of the democracy, as in the insurrection at Cyrene; for no notice is taken of a little evil, but when it increases it strikes the eye. Measures like those which [[w:Cleisthenes|Cleisthenes]] passed when he wanted to increase the power of the [[Athenian democracy|democracy]] at [[Athens]], or such as were taken by the founders of popular government at Cyrene, are useful in the extreme form of democracy. Fresh tribes and brotherhoods should be established; the private rites of [[Family|families]] should be restricted and converted into public ones; in short, every contrivance should be adopted which will mingle the citizens with one another and get rid of old connections. '''Again, the measures which are taken by tyrants appear all of them to be democratic; such, for instance, as the license permitted to [[Slavery|slaves]] (which may be to a certain extent advantageous) and also that of women and children, and the allowing everybody to live as he likes. Such a government will have many supporters, for most persons would rather live in a disorderly than in a sober manner.''' :* [[Aristotle]], ''Politics'', [https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=NWkbAgAAQBAJ&pg=PP3107 book VI, section 4] * The populousness of democracies generally preserves them (for '''number is to democracy in the place of justice based on merit'''); whereas the preservation of an [[oligarchy]] clearly depends on an opposite principle, ''viz.'' good order. :* [[Aristotle]], ''Politics'', [https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=EafUAgAAQBAJ&pg=PA2096 book VI, section 6] * There is a cult of [[ignorance]] in the United States, and there always has been. The strain of [[anti-intellectualism]] has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by '''the false notion that [[democracy]] means that "my [[ignorance]] is just as [[good]] as your [[knowledge]]." ''' ** [[Isaac Asimov]], [http://media.aphelis.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/ASIMOV_1980_Cult_of_Ignorance.pdf "A Cult of Ignorance", ''Newsweek'' (21 January 1980)] * I believe that every human being with a physically normal [[brain]] can learn a great deal and can be surprisingly intellectual. I believe that what we badly need is social approval of learning and social rewards for learning.<br/>'''We can ''all'' be members of the intellectual elite''' and then, and '''only then, will''' a phrase like "America's right to know" and, indeed, '''any true concept of democracy, have any meaning.''' ** [[Isaac Asimov]], "A Cult of Ignorance", ''Newsweek'' (21 January 1980) *'''Tyrannies, when they are strong, and democracies, when they are weak, can not tolerate criticism'''. ** [[Joxe Azurmendi]], ''Sokratesen Defentsa'' (Donostia: 1999), p. 57 ==B== [[File:Tony Benn2.jpg|thumb| The conclusion I’ve reached over the years is that democracy is the most controversial idea. Nobody in power wants democracy. ~ [[Tony Benn]] ]] [[File:15th-amendment-celebration-1870.jpg|thumb|right|No right is more precious in a free country than that of having a voice in the election of those who make the laws under which, as good citizens, we must live. Other rights, even the most basic, are illusory if the right to vote is undermined. [[United States Constitution|Our Constitution]] leaves no room for classification of people in a way that unnecessarily abridges this right. ~ [[Hugo Black]] ]] * True democracy consists not in lowering the standard but in giving everybody, so far as possible, a chance of measuring up to the standard. ** [[Irving Babbitt]], "English and the Discipline of Ideas" (1920), ''Irving Babbitt: Representative Writings'' (1981), p. 65 *When true freedom covers the earth, we shall see the end of tyranny - politically, religiously and economically. I am not here referring to modern democracy as a condition which meets the needs, for democracy is at present a philosophy of wishful thinking, and an unachieved ideal. **[[Alice Bailey]], ''The Reappearance of the Christ'' (1947) p. 164/5 *Words like "[[freedom]]," "[[justice]]," "[[democracy]]" are not common concepts; on the contrary, they are rare. People are not born knowing what these are. It takes enormous and, above all, individual effort to arrive at the respect for other people that these words imply. **[[James Baldwin]] "The Crusade of Indignation," The Nation (New York, 7 July 1956), published in book form in The Price of the Ticket (1985) *Democracy is the [[w:Menopause|menopause]] of Western society, the Grand Climacteric of the body social. [[Fascism]] is its middle-aged [[lust]]. :*[[Jean Baudrillard]], in ''Cool Memories'', ch. 1 (1987; tr. 1990) *I think democracy is the most revolutionary thing in the world, because if you have power you use it to meet the needs of you and your community. **Interview with Michael Moore in the movie ''Sicko'' (2007). *This is [[United States|America]]'s day. This is democracy's day, a day of history and hope, of renewal and resolve. Through a crucible for the ages America has been tested anew, and America has risen to the challenge. Today we celebrate the triumph not of a candidate, but of a cause, the cause of democracy. The people—the will of the people has been heard, and the will of the people has been heeded. We've learned again that democracy is precious, democracy is fragile. And at this hour, my friends, democracy has prevailed. So now, on this hallowed ground where just a few days ago [[2021 storming of the United States Capitol|violence sought to shake the Capitol's very foundation]], we come together as one Nation under God, indivisible, to carry out the [[w:Peaceful transfer of power|peaceful transfer of power]] as we have for more than two centuries. As we look ahead in our uniquely American way—restless, bold, optimistic—and set our sights on the Nation we know we can be and we must be, I thank my predecessors of both [[Political parties|parties]] for their presence here today. I thank them from the bottom of my heart. And I know the resilience of our [[United States Constitution|Constitution]] and the strength, the strength of our Nation, as does [[Jimmy Carter|President Carter]], who I spoke with last night, who cannot be with us today, but whom we salute for his lifetime of service. ** [[Joe Biden]], Inaugural Address (January 20, 2021), [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/node/347806 Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project]. * '''We are still, at our core, a democracy. And yet history tells us that blind loyalty to a single leader and a willingness to engage in [[w:Political violence|political violence]] is fatal to democracy. For a long time, we’ve told ourselves that American democracy is guaranteed, but it’s not. We have to defend it, protect it, stand up for it — each and every one of us. That’s why tonight I’m asking our nation to come together, unite behind the single purpose of defending our democracy regardless of your [[ideology]]. We’re all called, by [[duty]] and [[conscience]], to confront extremists who will put their own pursuit of power above all else. [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democrats]], independents, mainstream [[Republican Party (United States)|Republicans]]: We must be stronger, more determined, and more committed to saving American democracy than [[Make America Great Again|MAGA Republicans]] are to — to destroying American democracy. [[w:Preamble to the United States Constitution|We, the people]], will not let anyone or anything tear us apart. Today, there are dangers around us we cannot allow to prevail.''' ** [[Joe Biden]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/speeches-remarks/2022/09/01/remarks-by-president-bidenon-the-continued-battle-for-the-soul-of-the-nation/ Remarks by President Biden on the Continued Battle for the Soul of the Nation (1 September 2022) at Independence National Historical Park in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States of America] * '''We can’t let the integrity of our [[elections]] be undermined, for that is a path to chaos.''' Look, I know poli- — '''politics can be fierce and mean and nasty in America. I get it. I believe in the give-and-take of politics, in disagreement and debate and dissent. We’re a big, complicated country. But democracy endures only if [[w:Preamble to the United States Constitution|we, the people]], respect the guardrails of the republic. Only if we, the people, accept the results of free and fair elections. Only if we, the people, see politics not as total war but mediation of our differences. Democracy cannot survive when one side believes there are only two outcomes to an election: either they win or they were cheated. And that’s where MAGA Republicans are today. They don’t understand what every patriotic American knows: You can’t love your country only when you win. It’s fundamental. American democracy only works only if we choose to respect the rule of law and the institutions that were set up in this chamber behind me, only if we respect our legitimate political differences.''' ** [[Joe Biden]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/speeches-remarks/2022/09/01/remarks-by-president-bidenon-the-continued-battle-for-the-soul-of-the-nation/ Remarks by President Biden on the Continued Battle for the Soul of the Nation (1 September 2022) at Independence National Historical Park in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States of America] * '''Democracy begins and will be preserved in [[w:Preamble to the United States Constitution|we, the people]]’s, habits of heart, in our character: [[optimism]] that is tested yet endures, [[courage]] that digs deep when we need it, [[empathy]] that fuels democracy, the willingness to see each other not as enemies but as fellow Americans. Look, our democracy is imperfect. It always has been.''' Notwithstanding those folks you hear on the other side there. They’re entitled to be outrageous. This is a democracy. '''But [[history]] and [[common sense]] — good manners is nothing they’ve ever suffered from. But history and common sense tell us that opportunity, liberty, and justice for all are most likely to come to pass in a democracy.''' ** [[Joe Biden]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/speeches-remarks/2022/09/01/remarks-by-president-bidenon-the-continued-battle-for-the-soul-of-the-nation/ Remarks by President Biden on the Continued Battle for the Soul of the Nation (1 September 2022) at Independence National Historical Park in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States of America] * '''No right is more precious in a free country than that of having a voice in the election of those who make the laws''' under which, as good citizens, we must live. Other rights, even the most basic, are illusory if the right to vote is undermined. [[United States Constitution|Our Constitution]] leaves no room for classification of people in a way that unnecessarily abridges this right. ** [[Hugo Black]], Majority opinion in ''[[w:Wesberry v. Sanders|Wesberry v. Sanders]]'', 376 U.S. 1 (1964), at 17-18 on the [[Suffrage|right to vote]] as the foundation of democracy. * Democracy is a freak condition in the world's history: civil liberties are not common liberties even today, and most people in the world have never possessed them. ** [[Geoffrey Blainey]], ''The Great Seesaw: A New View of the Western World, 1750-2000'' (1988) * Full-blooded democracy still remains a brave new experiment, the history of ancient Athens notwithstanding. It would be unwise to assume that its victory across the globe is inevitable, for democracy is not always a simple mode of governing. It is almost forgotten that one reason why in this century the world stood three times on the verge of chaos - during two world wars and one world depression - was that the leading democracies were almost as prone to accidents and blunders as were their authoritarian rivals. ** [[Geoffrey Blainey]], ''In Our Time: The Issues and The People of Our Century'' (1999) * Contempt for the heroic is only an extension of the perversion of the democratic principle that denies greatness and wants everyone to feel comfortable in his skin without having to suffer unpleasant comparisons. Students have not the slightest notion of what an achievement it is to free oneself from public guidance and find resources for guidance within oneself. … Liberation from the heroic only means that they have no resource whatsoever against conformity to the current “role models.” They are constantly thinking of themselves in terms of fixed standards that they did not make. Instead of being overwhelmed by [[Cyrus the Great|Cyrus]], [[Theseus]], [[Moses]] or [[w:Romulus|Romulus]], they unconsciously act out the roles of the [[Physician|doctors]], [[lawyers]], [[Businessperson|businessmen]] or TV personalities around them. One can only pity young people without admirations they can respect or avow, who are artificially restrained from the enthusiasm for great virtue. ** [[Allan Bloom]], ''The Closing of the American Mind'' (New York: 1988), pp. 66-67 *'''I [[believe]] in democracy, but in real democracy, not a phony democracy in which just [[powerful]] people can speak. For me, in a democracy everyone speaks.''' ** [[Augusto Boal]], as quoted in "To Dynamize the Audience: Interview with Augusto Boal" by Robert Enight, in ''Canadian Theatre Review'' 47 (Summer 1986), pp. 41-49 * Tonight, as I see the drama of democracy unfolding around the globe, perhaps—perhaps we are closer to that [[w:new world|new world]] than ever before. ** [[George H. W. Bush]], in [http://www.nytimes.com/1991/09/28/us/bush-s-arms-plan-remarks-president-bush-reducing-us-soviet-nuclear-weapons.html?pagewanted=all Televised address on Reducing U.S. and Soviet Nuclear Weapons (28 September 1991)] * '''Democracy allows people to have different views, and democracy''' makes it also -- '''makes us also responsible for negotiating an answer for those views.''' [...] So we would like to -- it’s not just a matter of debating the case in parliament and winning Brownie points or [[Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scout]] points, or whatever they’re called. But it’s just a case of standing up for what we think our country needs. And '''we would like to talk to those who disagree with us. That, again, is what democracy is about. You talk to those who disagree with you; you don’t beat them down. You exchange views. And you come to a compromise, a settlement that would be best for the country. I’ve always said that [[Conversation|dialogues]] and [[Debate|debates]] are not aimed at achieving victory for one particular party or the other, but victory for our people as a whole.''' We want to build up a strong foundation for national reconciliation, which means reconciliation not just between the different [[Ethnicity|ethnic groups]] and between different religious groups, but between different ideas -- for example, between the idea of military supremacy and the idea of civilian authority over the military, which is the foundation of democracy. ** [[Aung San Suu Kyi]], [http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2014/11/14/remarks-president-obama-and-daw-aung-san-suu-kyi-burma-joint-press-confe Remarks by President Obama and Daw Aung San Suu Kyi of Burma in Joint Press Conference at Aung San Suu Kyi Residence in Rangoon, Burma on (14 November 2014)] * Democracy needs support and the best support for democracy comes from other democracies. Democratic nations should... come together in an association designed to help each other and promote what is a universal value — democracy. ** [[Benazir Bhutto]], Speech at Harvard University (1989) * [[Sycophancy]] toward those who hold power is a fact in every regime, and especially in a democracy, where, unlike [[tyranny]], there is an accepted principle of legitimacy that breaks the inner will to resist. … Flattery of the people and incapacity to resist public opinion are the democratic vices, particularly among writers, artists, journalists and anyone else who is dependent on an audience. ** [[Allan Bloom]], ''The Closing of the American Mind'' (New York: 1988), p. 249 * We may have democracy, or we may have wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we can't have both. ** [[Louis Brandeis]], U.S. Supreme Court Justice ~ quoted by Raymond Lonergan in, ''Mr. Justice Brandeis, Great American'' (1941), p. 42 * For poets (bear the word)<br>Half-poets even, are still whole democrats. ** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''Aurora Leigh'' (1856), Book 4 * When I examined my political faith I found that my strongest belief was in democracy according to my own definition. Democracy—the essential thing as distinguished from this or that democratic government—was primarily an attitude of mind, a spiritual testament, and not an economic structure or a political machine. The testament involved certain basic beliefs—that the personality was sacrosanct, which was the meaning of liberty; that policy should be settled by free discussion; that normally a minority should be ready to yield to a majority, which in turn should respect a minority's sacred things. It seemed to me that democracy had been in the past too narrowly defined and had been identified illogically with some particular economic or political system such as [[laissez-faire]] or British [[Parliamentary system|parliamentarism]]. I could imagine a democracy which economically was largely socialist and which had not our constitutional pattern. ** [[John Buchan]], ''Pilgrim's Way'' (1940, reprinted 1979), p. 222 * Where popular authority is absolute and unrestrained, the people have an infinitely greater, because a far better founded, confidence in their own power. They are themselves, in a great measure, their own instruments. They are nearer to their objects. Besides, they are less under responsibility to one of the greatest controlling powers on the earth, the sense of fame and estimation. The share of infamy that is likely to fall to the lot of each individual in public acts is small indeed; the operation of opinion being in the inverse ratio to the number of those who abuse power. Their own approbation of their own acts has to them the appearance of a public judgment in their favor. '''A perfect democracy is, therefore, the most shameless thing in the world.''' As it is the most shameless, it is also the most fearless. No man apprehends in his person that he can be made subject to punishment. ** [[Edmund Burke]], ''Reflections on the Revolution in France'' (1790) * And wrinkles, the d—d democrats, won't flatter. ** [[Lord Byron]], ''[[Don Juan (Byron)|Don Juan]]'' (1818-24), Canto X, Stanza XXIV ==C== * Human affairs have scarcely ever been so happily constituted as that the better course pleased the greater number. Hence the private vices of the multitude have generally resulted in public error. ** [[John Calvin]], ''[[w:Institutes of the Christian Religion|Institutes of the Christian Religion]]'', Preface, as translated by Henry Beveridge, p. 23 * Be it so that public error must have a place in human society, still, in the [[kingdom of God]], we must look and listen only to his eternal truth, against which no series of years, no custom, no conspiracy, can plead prescription. Thus [[Isaiah]] formerly taught the people of God, “Say ye not, A confederacy, to all to whom this people shall say, A confederacy;” i.e. do not unite with the people in an impious consent. ** [[John Calvin]], ''[[w:Institutes of the Christian Religion|Institutes of the Christian Religion]]'', Preface, as translated by Henry Beveridge, p. 23 * Democracy is not the law of the majority but the protection of the minority **[https://www.firstpost.com/world/democracy-is-not-the-law-of-the-majority-but-the-protection-of-the-minority-top-quotes-for-international-day-of-democracy-2020-8818511.html according to] [[Albert Camus]] * The [[20th century]] has been characterised by three developments of great political importance. The growth of democracy; the growth of corporate power; and the growth of corporate [[propaganda]] against democracy. ** [[Alex Carey]], ''Taking the Risk out of Democracy'', 1997, University of Illinois Press, ch. 2 p.&nbsp;18. * The 20th century has been characterized by four developments of great importance: the growth of political democracy, the growth of Online Democracy, the growth of corporate power, and the growth of corporate [[propaganda]] as a means of protecting corporate power against democracy. **[[Alex Carey]], ''Taking the Risk out of Democracy: Propaganda in the US and Australia,'' University of NSW Press, as quoted in Letter from [[Noam Chomsky]] to ''Covert Action Quarterly''. * Democracy will prevail when men believe the vote of [[Judas Iscariot|Judas]] as good as that of [[Jesus|Jesus Christ]]. ** Attributed to [[Thomas Carlyle]] "The Scholar in a Republic", centennial anniversary address to Phi Beta Kappa of Harvard College, Cambridge, Massachusetts (June 30, 1881). Reported in Carlos Martyn and Wendell Phillips, ''The Agitator'' (1890), p. 581. Reported as unverified in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989). * Democracy, which means despair of finding any [[Heroes]] to govern you, and contented putting up with the want of them,—alas, thou too, mein Lieber, seest well how close it is of kin to [[Atheism]], and other sad Isms: he who discovers no God whatever, how shall he discover Heroes, the visible Temples of God? ** [[Thomas Carlyle]], ''Past and Present'' (1843). * What is Democracy; this huge inevitable Product of the Destinies, which is everywhere the portion of our Europe in these latter days? There lies the question for us. Whence comes it, this universal big black Democracy; whither tends it; what is the meaning of it? A meaning it must have, or it would not be here. If we can find the right meaning of it, we may, wisely submitting or wisely resisting and controlling, still hope to live in the midst of it; if we cannot find the right meaning, if we find only the wrong or no meaning in it, to live will not be possible! ** Thomas Carlyle, Latter-Day Pamphlets, The Present Time 1850 *America no longer has a functioning democracy. **[[Jimmy Carter]] quoted in [https://www.austinchronicle.com/columns/2013-09-06/letters-at-3am-the-curious-case-of-the-missing-quotation/ **The Curious Case of the Missing Quotation: Jimmy Carter says the U.S. has no functioning democracy at present, and the press goes silent, Michael Ventura, The Austin Chronicle,''] (6 September 2013) * Unlike what [[Neoliberalism|neo-liberals]] say, market and democracy clash at a fundamental level. Democracy runs on the principle of ‘one man (one person), one vote’. The market runs on the principle of ‘one dollar, one vote’. Naturally, the former gives equal weight to each person, regardless of the money she/he has. The latter give greater weight to richer people. Therefore, democratic decisions usually subvert the logic of market. ** [[Ha-Joon Chang]], in ''Bad Samaritans'' (2008), Ch. 8: Zaire vs Indonesia, Should we turn our backs on corrupt and undemocratic countries?, ''Democracy and the free market'', p. 157-158. * Democracy is the power of equal votes for unequal minds. ** [[Charles I of England]], ''Columbia Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989), p. 76. * [[Tradition]] means giving votes to the most obscure of all [[Social class|classes]], our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who merely happen to be walking about. ** [[G. K. Chesterton]], “The Ethics of Elfland,” ''Orthodoxy'' (1908), p. 85. * You can never have a [[revolution]] in order to establish a democracy. You must have a democracy in order to have a revolution. ** [[G. K. Chesterton]], ''Tremendous Trifles'' (1955), Chapter 12 ''Wind and the trees'', p. 63. * ''On n'exporte pas la démocratie dans un fourgon blindé''. ** One does not export democracy in an armored vehicle. **[[Jacques Chirac]], as attributed by Jean-Pierre Raffarin, when Jacques Chirac addressed [[Silvio Berlusconi]] over the invasion of Iraq, 20 O'clock News, TF1, (11 March 2007). * Under [[capitalism]] we can't have democracy by definition. Capitalism is a system in which the central institutions of society are in principle under autocratic control. Thus, a [[Corporations|corporation]] or an industry is, if we were to think of it in political terms, fascist; that is, it has tight control at the top and strict obedience has to be established at every level -- there's a little bargaining, a little give and take, but the line of authority is perfectly straightforward. Just as I'm opposed to political fascism, I'm opposed to economic fascism. I think that until major institutions of society are under the popular control of participants and communities, it's pointless to talk about democracy. ** [[Noam Chomsky]], "[http://www.chomsky.info/interviews/197305--.htm One Man's View : Noam Chomsky interviewed by an anonymous interviewer]," ''Business Today'', May 1973. * According to the common sense meaning, a society is democratic to the extent that people can participate in a meaningful way in managing their affairs. But the doctrinal meaning of democracy is different – it refers to a system in which decisions are made by sectors of the business community and related elites. The public are to be only ‘spectators of action,’ not ‘participants,’ as leading democratic theorists (in this case, [[Walter Lippmann]]) have explained. They are permitted to ratify the decisions of their betters and to lend their support to one or another of them, but not to interfere with matters – like public policy – that are none of their business.<br>If segments of the public depart from their apathy and begin to organize and enter the public arena, that’s not democracy. Rather, it’s a crisis of democracy in proper technical usage, a threat that has to be overcome in one or another way: in [[El Salvador]], by [[w:Death squads|death squads]] – at home, by more subtle and indirect means. ** [[Noam Chomsky]], "War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength" in ''What Uncle San Really Wants'' (1992) * A study of the inter-American system published by the [[w:Royal Institute of International Affairs|Royal Institute of International Affairs]] in London concluded that, while the US pays lip service to democracy, the real commitment is to "[[w::Private enterprise|private, capitalist enterprise]]." When the rights of [[Investment|investors]] are threatened, democracy has to go; if these rights are safeguarded, killers and torturers will do just fine. ** [[Noam Chomsky]], ''What Uncle Sam Really Wants'' (1993), Chapter 2: "[https://chomsky.info/unclesam02/ Our Commitment to Democracy]," p. 19 * <span id="democracy"></span>'''Democracy is not a caucus, obtaining a fixed term of office by promises, and then doing what it likes with the people. We hold that there ought to be a constant relationship between the rulers and the people. "[[Abraham Lincoln#The_Gettysburg_Address_(1863)|Government of the people, by the people, for the people]]," still remains the sovereign definition of democracy.''' ** Speech in the House of Commons (11 November 1947), published in [http://hansard.millbanksystems.com/commons/1947/nov/11/parliament-bill#column_205 205 ''The Official Report, House of Commons'' (5th Series), 11 November 1947, vol. 444, cc.] * Many forms of [[Government]] have been tried and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, '''it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.''' ** [[Winston Churchill]], speech in the House of Commons (November 11, 1947); in Robert Rhodes James, ed., ''Winston S. Churchill: His Complete Speeches, 1897–1963'' (1974), vol. 7, p. 7566. Also published in [http://hansard.millbanksystems.com/commons/1947/nov/11/parliament-bill#column_206 206–07 ''The Official Report, House of Commons'' (5th Series), 11 November 1947, vol. 444, cc.] * Democracy is spreading across the world. Democracy is only possible with easy access to [[information]] and good [[communications]]. And [[technology]] is a way of facilitating communications. **[[Tom Clancy]], as quoted in "Vonnegut and Clancy on Technology", by David H. Freedman and Sarah Schafer * The ship of Democracy, which has weathered all storms, may sink through the mutiny of those aboard. ** [[Grover Cleveland]], letter to his law partner, Wilson S. Bissell (February 15th, 1894); quoted in ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=BIsqAAAAMAAJ&q=%22The+present+danger%22+cleveland+bissell&dq=%22The+present+danger%22+cleveland+bissell&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj68-CIhenSAhXpCMAKHdsXCKQQ6AEIHjAB The American Mercury]'' (1961). * Democracy is not a panacea. It cannot organize everything and it is unaware of its own limits. These facts must be faced squarely. Sacrilegious though this may sound, democracy is no longer well suited for the tasks ahead. The complexity and the technical nature of many of today's problems do not always allow elected representatives to make competent decisions at the right time. ** [[w:Club of Rome|The Club of Rome]], ''The First Global Revolution'' (1993). * As during the time of [[King|kings]] it would have been naive to think that the king’s firstborn son would be the fittest to rule, so in our time it is naive to think that the democratically elected ruler will be the fittest. The rule of succession is not a formula for identifying the best ruler, it is a formula for conferring [[legitimacy]] on someone or other and thus forestalling civil conflict. ** [[J. M. Coetzee]], ''Diary of a Bad Year'' (2008), p. 14. * A democracy unsatisfied [by support of the people] cannot long survive. We live in probably the most turbulent and tormented times in the [[History of the United States|history of this nation]]. Criticize... disagree, yes, but also we have as leaders an obligation to be fair and keep in perspective what we are and what we hope to be. ** [[w:John Connally|John Connally]], remarks at American Society of Newspaper Editors luncheon, Washington, D.C. (April 19, 1972), as reported by ''The Washington Post'' (April 20, 1972), p. C3. * The purpose of capitalist democracy is to provide a favorable situation for the exercise of [[Laissez-faire|free enterprise]] and not for the planning of a society that will make business a social service. If the commonality attempts to take the latter view of democracy and to implement it, the capitalist will quickly scrap the institution. ** [[Oliver Cox]], ''Caste, Class, and Race: A Study in Social Dynamics'' (1948), p. 190 * The [[Working class|proletariat]] cannot vote for [[socialism]] in a [[Bourgeoisie|bourgeois]] parliament because the capitalists will not permit themselves to be destroyed by their own instrument. The machinery of the capitalist state has been fashioned by the bourgeoisie to suit the needs of their class; therefore, in the achievement of its ends, the working class must contrive its own institutions. ** [[Oliver Cox]], ''Caste, Class, and Race: A Study in Social Dynamics'' (1948), p. 200 ==D== [[File:Titian - Venus Blindfolding Cupid - WGA22908.jpg|thumb|Democracy is the art of cheerfully pulling the wool over the eyes of the people, and doing so in their name. ~ [[Karlheinz Deschner]] ]] [[File:Father Edward Dowling.jpg|thumb|The two greatest obstacles to democracy in the [[United States]] are, first, the widespread delusion among the poor that we have a democracy, and second, the chronic terror among the rich, lest we get it. ~ [[w:Edward Dowling (priest)|Edward Dowling]]]] [[File:W.E.B._DuBois_Mary_White_Ovington.jpg|thumb|The [[theory]] of [[democratic]] [[government]] is not that the [[will]] of the [[people]] is always right, but rather that normal [[human]] beings of average [[intelligence]] will, if given a chance, [[learn]] the right and best course by bitter [[experience]]. ~ [[W. E. B. Du Bois]] ]] [[File:Polity data series map 2003.png|thumb|All deductions having been made, democracy has done less harm, and more good, than any other form of government. ~ [[Will Durant]] ]] * I had this sense that ideas about democracy, theories of democracy which I had learned about of course from graduate school on, from [[Aristotle]] and [[Plato]] onward, that they were inadequate. I don’t want to diminish them; I have always retained a great respect for classical and medieval and eighteenth-century theory, but meanwhile a whole new kind of political system emerged to which the term democracy became attached, and for which democracy remained an ideal, even though classical democracy as an ideal was so far removed from reality. The gap between that ideal and the actual political institutions that had developed, particularly from about the sixteenth, seventeenth century on, was just enormous. And what we didn’t have enough of, had very little of, was an adequate description of what the actual institutions of so-called democracy, modern democracy, representative democracy, were. ** [[Robert A. Dahl]], in "A Conversation with Robert A. Dahl" by Margaret Levi, ''Annual Review of Political Science'' (2009) *It is very significant that there has never been a war between genuine and universal democracies. There have been countless wars between [[Totalitarianism|totalitarian]] and [[Authoritarianism|authoritarian]] states. There have been wars between democracies and [[Dictatorship|dictatorships]] - most often in defense of democratic values ​​or in response to aggression. **[[F. W. de Klerk]], Nobel Peace Prize speech (10 December 1993) * '''Eternal vigilance. Remember, no one said democracy would be easy.''' ** [[John Dean]] and [[Bob Altemeyer]], ''Authoritarian Nightmare'' (2020). Brooklyn: Melville House, p. 282 *''Le Césarisme, c'est la démocratie sans la liberté.'' **Cæsarism is democracy without liberty. **[[Taxile Delord]], ''L'Histoire du Second Empire'', as reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 188 * Democracy is the art of cheerfully pulling the wool over the eyes of the people, and doing so in their name. **[[Karlheinz Deschner]] ''Bissige Aphorismen'', S. 64 *The world is weary of [[Statesmanship|statesmen]] whom democracy has degraded into politicians. **[[Benjamin Disraeli]], ''Lothair'', Chapter XVII *Democracy is on trial in the world, on a more colossal scale than ever before. **[[Charles Fletcher Dole]], ''The Spirit of Democracy'', as reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 188 * The two greatest obstacles to democracy in the [[United States]] are, first, the widespread delusion among the poor that we have a democracy, and second, the chronic terror among the rich, lest we get it. ** [[w:Edward Dowling (priest)|Edward Dowling]], Editor and Priest, ''Chicago Daily News'' (28 July 1941). *Drawn to the dregs of a democracy. **[[John Dryden]], ''Absalom and Achitopel'' (1681), Part I, line 227 * '''But we owe ourselves, and the United States that we will pass off to our children, to re-learn the tools of reason, [[logic]], [[clarity]], [[dissent]], civility, and debate. And those things are the non-partisan basis of democracy, and without them you can kiss this thing goodbye.''' ** {{w|Richard Dreyfuss}}, ''[[Real Time with Bill Maher]]'', episode 4x24, 17 November 2006; [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8C3MUDVn_I YouTube video], 0:00:15 ''ff'' * '''The theory of democratic government is not that the will of the people is always right, but rather that normal human beings of average intelligence will, if given a chance, learn the right and best course by bitter experience.''' ** [[W. E. B. Du Bois]], ''The Negro'' (1915), Ch. XI: The Negro in the United States * '''All deductions having been made, democracy has done less harm, and more good, than any other form of government.''' It gave to human existence a zest and camaraderie that outweighed its pitfalls and defects. It gave to [[thought]] and [[science]] and [[Business|enterprise]] the freedom essential to their operation and growth.''' It broke down the walls of privilege and class, and in each generation it raised up ability from every rank and place.''' ** [[Will Durant]] in his book ''The Lessons of History'', chapter "Governement and History" p. 78 * [[War]] is one of the constants of history, and has not diminished with civilization or democracy. ** [[Will Durant|Will and Ariel Durant]], [http://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/2004241?q=Ariel+Durant&p=par Watchtower ONLINE LIBRARY] * '''Elites, not masses, govern America, In an industrial, scientific, and nuclear age, life in a democracy, just as in a totalitarian society''', is shaped by a handful of men. In spite of differences in their approach to the study of power in America, scholars—political scientists and sociologists alike—agree that 'the key political, economic, and social decisions are made by tiny minorities. ** Thomas R. Dye and L. Harmon Zeigler ''The Irony of Democracy'' *Democracy don’t rule the world,/You’d better get that in your head,/This world is ruled by violence,/But I guess that’s better left unsaid./ **[[Bob Dylan]], Union Sundown 1983 ==E== [[File:Richard J. Evans.JPG|thumb|Democracies that are under threat of destruction face the impossible dilemma of either yielding to that threat by insisting on preserving the democratic niceties, or violating their own principles by curtailing democratic rights. ~ [[Richard J. Evans]]]] *''Ich bin zwar im täglichen Leben ein typischer Einspänner, aber das Bewusstsein, der unsichtbaren Gemeinschaft derjenigen anzugehören, die nach Wahrheit, Schönheit und Gerechtigkeit streben, hat das Gefühl der Vereinsamung nicht aufkommen lassen.'' ** '''I am an adherent of the ideal of democracy, although I well know the weaknesses of the democratic form of government.''' Social equality and economic protection of the individual appeared to me always as the important communal aims of the state. Although I am a typical loner in daily life, my consciousness of belonging to the invisible community of those who strive for truth, [[beauty]], and [[justice]] has preserved me from feeling isolated. **[[Albert Einstein]], in "[http://www.einstein-website.de/z_biography/credo.html My Credo]", a speech to the German League of Human Rights, Berlin (Autumn 1932), as published in ''Einstein: A Life in Science'' (1994) by Michael White and John Gribbin, p. 262 * My political ideal is [[Democratic]] ... Force always attracts men of low morality. ** [[Albert Einstein]] from ''Mein Weltbild'' (1934), published in English as [https://archive.org/details/worldasiseeit00eins/page/240/mode/1up?q=%22force+always+attracts%22 ''The World As I See It''] (1934). See also [https://archive.org/details/ideasopinionsbas00eins/page/10/mode/1up?q=%22force+always+attracts%22 ''Ideas and Opinions: Based on Mein Weltbild''], 1954. * People think they have taken quite an extraordinarily bold step forward when they have rid themselves of belief in [[w:Hereditary monarchy|hereditary monarchy]] and swear by the democratic republic. In reality, however, the state is nothing but a machine for the oppression of one class by another, and indeed in the democratic republic no less than in the [[monarchy]]. **[[Friedrich Engels]], Introduction to 1891 edition of Karl Marx's, ''The Civil War in France'' * Do nine tenants in a residential building have the right to place the dumpsters in front of the tenth tenant's door? Seemingly, they enjoy a clear majority. But the role of democracy is not only to assure the governance of the majority, but to protect the rights of the minority. ** [[Yoel Esteron]], ''[http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-4766024,00.html Who's for destroying democracy?]'', {{w|Ynetnews}} (14-02-2016) * Democracies that are under threat of [[destruction]] face the impossible dilemma of either yielding to that threat by insisting on preserving the democratic niceties, or violating their own principles by curtailing democratic rights. **[[Richard J. Evans]], ''The Coming of the Third Reich'' (2003), p. 452. ==F== * [I]t was an idea that made the crucial difference between [[w:Anglo-America|British]] and [[Latin America|Iberian America]] – an idea about the way people should govern themselves. Some people make the mistake of calling that idea ‘democracy’ and imagining that any country can adopt it merely by holding elections. In reality, democracy was the capstone of an edifice that had as its foundation the [[rule of law]] – to be precise, the sanctity of individual freedom and the security of [[private property]] rights, ensured by representative, [[Constitutional democracy|constitutional government]]. ** [[Niall Ferguson]], ''Civilization: The West and the Rest'' (2011) * The whole dream of democracy is to raise the [[w:proletariat|proletarian]] to the level of [[bourgeois]] stupidity. ** [[Gustave Flaubert]], Letter to George Sand (1871) * '''Democracy is not a beloved [[Republic]] really, and never will be. But it is less hateful than other contemporary forms of government, and to that extent it deserves our support.''' It does start from the assumption that the individual is important, and that all types are needed to make a civilization. It does not divide its citizens into the bossers and the bossed — as an efficiency-regime tends to do. '''The people I admire most are those who are sensitive and want to create something or discover something, and do not see life in terms of power, and such people get more of a chance under a democracy than elsewhere.''' They found religions, great or small, or they produce literature and art, or they do disinterested scientific research, or they may be what is called "ordinary people", who are creative in their private lives, bring up their children decently, for instance, or help their neighbours. All these people need to express themselves; they cannot do so unless society allows them liberty to do so, and the society which allows them most liberty is a democracy. ** [[E. M. Forster]], in "[http://spichtinger.net/otexts/believe.html What I Believe]", in ''The Nation'' (16 July 1938) * Whether [[Parliament of the United Kingdom|Parliament]] is either a representative body or an efficient one is questionable, but I value it because it criticizes and talks, and because its chatter gets widely reported. '''So two cheers for Democracy: one because it admits variety and two because it permits criticism. Two cheers are quite enough: there is no occasion to give three.''' ** [[E. M. Forster]], in "What I Believe", in ''The Nation'' (16 July 1938) * "Democratic" decision making is a means for finding and implementing the will of the majority; it has no other function. It serves, not to encourage diversity, but to prevent it. **[[David Friedman]], ''The Machinery of Freedom'' (1973), p. 88 ==G== [[File:2021 storming of the United States Capitol DSC09254-2 (50820534063) (retouched).jpg|thumb|While democracy can be periodically delayed, it can never be permanently defeated. <br /> In this truth, in this faith we trust for while we have our eyes on the future, history has its eyes on us. ~ [[Amanda Gorman]] ]] [[File:Associate Justice Neil Gorsuch Official Portrait.jpg|thumb|The deliberative nature of the legislative process was the whole point of its design. Through that process, the Nation can tap the combined wisdom of the people’s elected representatives, not just that of one faction or man. There, deliberation tempers impulse, and compromise hammers disagreements into workable solutions. And because laws must earn such broad support to survive the legislative process, they tend to endure, allowing ordinary people to plan their lives in ways they cannot when the rules shift from day to day. In all, the legislative process helps ensure each of us has a stake in the laws that govern us and in the Nation’s future. For some today, the weight of those virtues is apparent. For others, it may not seem so obvious. But if history is any guide, the tables will turn and the day will come when those disappointed by today’s result will appreciate the legislative process for the bulwark of liberty it is. ~ [[Neil Gorsuch]] ]] [[File:MO 63.2240.2 - Photograph of João Goulart President of the Republic of Brazil (cropped).jpg|thumb|What threatens democracy is hunger, it is misery, it is the disease of those who have no resources to face it. ~ [[João Goulart]] ]] * The persistence of the democratic faith in an age of science is a phenomenon of significance. The essence of the formula is faith. Not one of its doctrines can be proved in any scientific sense. ** [[w:Ralph Henry Gabriel|Ralph Henry Gabriel]], ''The Course of American Democratic Thought'' (1940) * When people put their ballots in the boxes, they are, by that act, inoculated against the feeling that the government is not theirs. They then accept, in some measure, that its errors are their errors, its aberrations their aberrations, that any revolt will be against them. It's a remarkably shrewd and rather conservative arrangement when one thinks of it. ** [[John Kenneth Galbraith]], ''[[w:The Age of Uncertainty|The Age of Uncertainty]]'' (1977), Chapter 12, p. 330 * In the democracy which I have envisaged, a democracy established by [[non-violence]], there will be equal freedom for all. Everybody will be his own master. It is to join a struggle for such democracy that I invite you today. ** [[Mahatma Gandhi]], {{w|Quit India speech}} in [[wikipedia:Mumbai|Bombay]], on the eve of the {{w|Quit India movement}}, 8 August 1942. Published in {{cite book |title=Correspondence with the Government, 1942-44 |date=1945 |publisher=Navajivan Publishing House |page=174 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=uJY5AQAAIAAJ}} *Since 1995 what the data says is each new generation of young people has become successively less supportive of democracy than the generation that preceded it. ** [[Sue Gardner]] [https://www.cbc.ca/radio/ideas/the-long-conversation-why-public-broadcasting-is-more-crucial-than-ever-1.5789683 The Long Conversation: Why public broadcasting is more crucial than ever] Posted: November 05, 2020 * The evils we experience flow from the excess of democracy. The people do not want virtue, but are the dupes of pretended patriots. ** [[Elbridge Gerry]], ''[http://avalon.law.yale.edu/18th_century/debates_531.asp Constitutional Convention'' (31 May 1787)] * [[w:Multivariate analysis|Multivariate analysis]] indicates that economic elites and organized groups representing business interests have substantial independent impacts on U.S. government policy, while average citizens and mass-based interest groups have little or no independent influence. The results provide substantial support for theories of Economic-Elite Domination and for theories of Biased Pluralism, but not for theories of Majoritarian Electoral Democracy or Majoritarian Pluralism. ** Martin Gilens and [[Benjamin I. Page]], "[https://scholar.princeton.edu/sites/default/files/mgilens/files/gilens_and_page_2014_-testing_theories_of_american_politics.doc.pdf Testing Theories of American Politics: Elites, Interest Groups, and Average Citizens]," ''[[w:Perspectives on Politics|Perspectives on Politics]]'', vol. 12, no. 3 (September 2014) * Democracy is the wholesome and pure air without which a socialist public organization cannot live a full-blooded life. ** [[Mikhail Gorbachev]], Speech to the 27th Party Congress, Moscow (25 February 1986) * We’ve seen a force that would shatter our nation rather than share it <br /> Would destroy our country if it meant delaying democracy. <br /> And this effort very nearly succeeded. <br /> But '''while democracy can be periodically delayed, it can never be permanently defeated. <br /> In this truth, in this faith we trust for while we have our eyes on the future, history has its eyes on us.''' ** [[Amanda Gorman]], [[w:The Hill We Climb|The Hill We Climb]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZ055ilIiN4 Full recitation: ''PBS NewsHour'' (20 January 2021)] * For those who think it important for the Nation to impose more tariffs, I understand that today’s decision will be disappointing. All I can offer them is that '''most major decisions affecting the rights and responsibilities of the American people (including the duty to pay taxes and tariffs) are funneled through the legislative process for a reason. Yes, legislating can be hard and take time. And, yes, it can be tempting to bypass Congress when some pressing problem arises. But the deliberative nature of the legislative process was the whole point of its design. Through that process, the Nation can tap the combined wisdom of the people’s elected representatives, not just that of one faction or man. There, deliberation tempers impulse, and compromise hammers disagreements into workable solutions. And because laws must earn such broad support to survive the legislative process, they tend to endure, allowing ordinary people to plan their lives in ways they cannot when the rules shift from day to day. In all, the legislative process helps ensure each of us has a stake in the laws that govern us and in the Nation’s future. For some today, the weight of those virtues is apparent. For others, it may not seem so obvious. But if history is any guide, the tables will turn and the day will come when those disappointed by today’s result will appreciate the legislative process for the bulwark of liberty it is.''' ** [[Neil Gorsuch]], ''[[w:Learning Resources, Inc. v. Trump|Learning Resources, Inc. v. Trump]]''', 607 U.S. ___ (2026) (concurring), slip opinion at page 46. [https://web.archive.org/web/20260228130402/https://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/25pdf/24-1287_4gcj.pdf Archived] from [https://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/25pdf/24-1287_4gcj.pdf the original] at February 28, 2026. * '''What threatens democracy is [[hunger]], it is [[misery]], it is the disease of those who have no resources to face it'''. These are the evils that can threaten democracy, but never the people in the public square in the use of their legitimate and democratic rights ** [[João Goulart]], João Goulart: Uma Biografia. Jorge Ferreira. 2011. Page 411. ISBN 978-85-200-1056-3 ==H== [[File:Suffrage universel 1848.jpg|thumb|The ideal of democracy rests on the belief that the view which will direct government emerges from an independent and spontaneous process. It requires, therefore, the existence of a large sphere independent of majority control in which the opinions of the individuals are formed. ~ [[Friedrich Hayek]] ]] [[File:Edward Armitage - Julian the Apostate presiding at a conference of sectarian - 1875.jpg|thumb|It is when it is contended that "in a democracy right is what the majority makes it to be" that democracy degenerates into demagoguery. ~ [[Friedrich Hayek]] ]] [[File:Flag of WHO.svg|thumb|right|Democracy can't work. … a theory based on the assumption that mathematicians and peasants are equal, can never work. … A democratic ''form'' of government is okay, as long as it doesn't work. Any [[social]] [[organization]] does well enough if it isn't rigid. The framework doesn't matter as long as there is enough looseness to permit that one man in a multitude to display his [[genius]]. ~ [[Robert A. Heinlein]] ]] [[File:Democracy Flag.svg |thumb| Democracy is a poor system of government at best; the only thing that can honestly be said in its favor is that it is about eight times as good as any other method the human race has ever tried. ~ [[Robert A. Heinlein]] ]] * * We are now forming a republican government. Real liberty is neither found in despotism or the extremes of democracy, but in moderate governments. ** [[Alexander Hamilton]], in debates of the Federal Convention (26 June 1787), as published in ''The Works of Alexander Hamilton'' (1904) edited by Henry Cabot Lodge, Vol. I: Speeches in the Federal Convention * It has been observed that a pure democracy if it were practicable would be the most perfect government. [[Experience]] has proved that no position is more false than this. The ancient democracies in which the people themselves deliberated never possessed one good feature of government. Their very character was tyranny; their figure deformity. ** [[Alexander Hamilton]], speech in New York, urging ratification of the U.S. Constitution (21 June 1788) *'''The work of democracies is to maximize the inclusion of the many in order to create prosperity, not to enable the few to accumulate money.''' Government does create prosperity and growth, by creating the conditions that allow both [[entrepreneurs]] and their [[Customer|customers]] to thrive. Balancing the power of capitalists like me and workers isn't bad for capitalism. It's essential to it. Programs like a reasonable [[minimum wage]], affordable [[Health care|healthcare]], [[w:paid sick leave|paid sick leave]], and the [[w:Progressive taxation|progressive taxation]] necessary to pay for the important infrastructure necessary for the middle class like education, [[w:research and development|R and D]], these are indispensable tools shrewd capitalists should embrace to drive growth, because no one benefits from it like us. <BR>'''All highly prosperous capitalist democracies are characterized by massive investments in the middle class and the infrastructure that they depend on.''' **[[Nick Hanauer]] in [http://www.ted.com/talks/nick_hanauer_beware_fellow_plutocrats_the_pitchforks_are_coming/transcript?language=en "Beware fellow plutocrats, the pitchforks are coming", ''TED'' (conference)], (August 2014) * Historical powerful forces have attempted to restrict democracy to a set of strictly procedural routines for governance and legislation, but once in motion, democratic procedures have over time tended to remold the very form in which a society represents and imagines itself, its institutions and its history. ** [[Thomas Blom Hansen]], {{cite book |title=The Saffron Wave: Democracy and Hindu Nationalism in Modern India |date=1999 |publisher={{w|Princeton University Press}} |isbn=978-1-4008-2305-5 |page=8–9 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=SAqn3OIGE54C&pg=PA8}} * Well, I would say that, as long-term institutions, I am totally against [[Dictatorship|dictatorships]]. But a dictatorship may be a necessary system for a transitional period. At times it is necessary for a country to have, for a time, some form or other of dictatorial power. As you will understand, it is possible for a dictator to govern in a liberal way. And it is also possible for a democracy to govern with a total lack of [[liberalism]]. Personally I prefer a liberal dictator to democratic government lacking liberalism. My personal impression — and this is valid for [[w:South America|South America]] — is that in [[Chile]], for example, we will witness a transition from a dictatorial government to a liberal government. And during this transition it may be necessary to maintain certain dictatorial powers, not as something permanent, but as a temporary arrangement. ** [[Friedrich Hayek]], Interview in ''El Mercurio'' (1981) * A limited democracy might indeed be the best protector of individual liberty and be better than any other form of limited government, but an unlimited democracy is probably worse than any other form of unlimited government, because its government loses the power even to do what it thinks right if any group on which its majority depends thinks otherwise. If [[Margaret Thatcher|Mrs. Thatcher]] said that [[free choice]] is to be exercised more in the [[Market|market place]] than in the ballot box, she has merely uttered the truism that the first is indispensable for individual freedom, while the second is not: free choice can at least exist under a dictatorship that can limit itself but not under the government of an unlimited democracy which cannot. ** [[Friedrich Hayek]], [http://coreyrobin.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/hayek-letter-to-the-times-july-11-1978.pdf Letter to ''The Times''] (11 July 1978) * The conception that government should be guided by majority opinion makes sense only if that opinion is independent of government. The ideal of democracy rests on the belief that the view which will direct government emerges from an independent and spontaneous process. It requires, therefore, the existence of a large sphere independent of majority control in which the opinions of the individuals are formed. ** [[Friedrich Hayek]], ''[[w:The Road to Serfdom|The Road to Serfdom]]'' (1944) * It is no accident that on the whole there was more beauty and decency to be found in the life of the small peoples, and that among the large ones there was more happiness and content in proportion as they had avoided the deadly blight of [[Centralisation|centralization]]. <br> Least of all shall we preserve democracy or foster its growth if all the power and most of the important decisions rest with an organization far too big for the common man to survey or comprehend. <br> '''Nowhere has democracy ever worked well without a great measure of local self-government, providing a school of political training for the people at large as much as for their future leaders.''' ** [[Friedrich Hayek]], ''[[w:The Road to Serfdom|The Road to Serfdom]]'' (1944) * It is when it is contended that "in a democracy right is what the majority makes it to be" that democracy degenerates into [[Demagogue|demagoguery]]. ** [[Friedrich Hayek]], ''The Constitution of Liberty'' (1960), p. 94 * [[Liberalism]] is a doctrine about what the law ought to be, democracy a doctrine about the manner of determining the law. Liberalism regards it as desirable that only what the majority accepts should in fact be law, but it does not believe that this is therefore necessarily good law. Its aim, indeed, is to persuade the majority to observe certain principles. It accepts majority rule as a method of deciding, but not as an authority for what the decision ought to be. To the doctrinaire democrat the fact that the majority wants something is sufficient ground for regarding it as good; for him the will of the majority determines not only what is law but what is good law. ** [[Friedrich Hayek]], ''The Constitution of Liberty'' (Chicago: 1960), pp. 103-104. * If democracy is a means rather than an end, its limits must be determined in the light of the purpose we want it to serve. ** [[Friedrich Hayek]], ''The Constitution of Liberty'' (Chicago: 1960), p. 107 * Once wide coercive powers are given to governmental agencies for particular purposes, such powers cannot be effectively controlled by democratic assemblies. ** [[Friedrich Hayek]], ''The Constitution of Liberty'' (Chicago: 1960), p. 116 * It is not democracy but unlimited government that is objectionable, and I do not see why the people should not learn to limit the scope of majority rule as well as that of any other form of government. At any rate, the advantages of democracy as a method of peaceful change and of political education seem to be so great compared with those of any other system that I can have no sympathy with the antidemocratic strain of conservatism. It is not who governs but what government is entitled to do that seems to me the essential problem. ** [[Friedrich Hayek]], ''Why I Am Not a Conservative'' * Democracy, in this [[w:Late-stage capitalism|late stage]] of [[capitalism]], has been replaced with a system of legalized [[bribery]]. All branches of [[government]], including the courts, along with the systems of [[entertainment]] and [[news]], are wholly owned subsidiaries of the [[corporate]] state. Electoral politics are elaborate puppet shows. ** [[Chris Hedges]], "Reform or Revolution," [http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/reform_or_revolution_20160522 May 22, 2016] * Our democracy, as [[Edward Snowden|Snowden]] I think has revealed, has become a fiction. The state, through elaborate forms of political theater, seeks to maintain this fiction to keep us passive. And if we wake up, the state will not shy away from draconian measures. The goal is complete subjugation, the iron rule of our corporations and our power elite. ** [[Chris Hedges]], “[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOlg_2qAbUA Our Only Hope Will Come Through Rebellion]” (2014), 25:13 *The longer we perpetuate the fiction that we live in a functioning democracy, that [[Donald Trump|Trump]] and the political mutations around him are somehow an aberrant deviation that can be vanquished in the next election, the more we will hurtle toward tyranny. The problem is not Trump. It is a political system, dominated by corporate power and the mandarins of [[Two-party system|the two major political parties]], in which we don’t count... The [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic Party]], which helped build our system of inverted [[totalitarianism]], is once again held up by many on the left as the savior... It is deaf, dumb and blind to the very real economic suffering that plagues over half the country... It will not demilitarize our police and reform a [[Incarceration in the United States|prison system]] that has 25 percent of the world’s prisoners although the United States has only 5 percent of the world’s population. It plays to the margins, especially in election seasons, refusing to address substantive political and social problems and instead focusing on narrow cultural issues... **[[Chris Hedges]] in [https://www.commondreams.org/views/2018/05/21/coming-collapse The Coming Collapse], [[w:Common Dreams|''Common Dreams'']], (21 May 2018) *Democracy does not reside in speeches but in actual practices of its votaries. **[[K. B. Hedgewar]]. Quoted from Dr. Rakesh Sinha: Hedgewar, for posterity, Indian Express, [https://indianexpress.com/article/opinion/columns/rss-founder-kb-hedgewar-ideology-pranab-mukherjee-nagpur-event-5217892/] * Democracy can't work. [[Mathematicians]], [[Peasant|peasants]], and [[animals]], that's all there is — so democracy, a theory based on the assumption that mathematicians and peasants are equal, can never work. '''Wisdom is not additive; its maximum is that of the wisest man in a given group.'''<br> "But a democratic ''form'' of government is okay, as long as it doesn't work. '''Any [[social organization]] does well enough if it isn't rigid. The framework doesn't matter as long as there is enough looseness to permit that one man in a multitude to display his [[genius]]. Most so-called [[Social science|social scientists]] seem to think that organization is everything. It is almost nothing — except when it is a straitjacket. It is the incidence of heroes that counts, not the pattern of zeros.''' ** [[Robert A. Heinlein]], in ''[[Glory Road]]'' (1963) , Ch. 20; Rufo to Oscar * Democracy is a poor system of government at best; the only thing that can honestly be said in its favor is that it is about eight times as good as any other method the human race has ever tried. Democracy's worst fault is that its leaders are likely to reflect the faults and virtues of their constituents — a depressingly low level, but what else can you expect? ** [[Robert A. Heinlein]] in ''[[Stranger in a Strange Land]]'' (1991 edition), p. 232 * If [[nationalism]] was one historic force recognized by governments, ‘democracy’, or the growing role of the common man in the affairs of state, was the other. The two were the same, in so far as nationalist movements in this period became mass movements, and certainly at this point pretty well all radical nationalist leaders supposed them to be identical. However, as we have seen, in practice large bodies of common people, such as peasants, still remained unaffected by nationalism even in the countries in which their participation in politics was seriously considered, while others, notably the new working classes, were being urged to follow movements which, at least in theory, put a common international class interest above national affiliations. ** [[Eric Hobsbawm]], ''The Age of Capital'' (1975) ** * When its existence is threatened and it has to unify its people and generate in them a spirit of utmost self-sacrifice, the democratic nation must transform itself into something akin to a militant church or a revolutionary party. ...The mastery of the art of religiofication is an essential requirement in the leader of a democratic nation... Only a goal which lends itself to continued perfection can keep a nation potentially virile even though its desires are continually fulfilled. The goal need not be sublime. The gross ideal of an ever-rising standard of living has kept this nation fairly virile. ** [[Eric Hoffer]], ''The True Believer'' (1951) Ch.18 : Good and Bad Mass Movements, §124 * '''You measure democracy by the freedom it gives its [[Dissent|dissidents]], not the freedom it gives its assimilated [[Conformity|conformists]].''' ** [[Abbie Hoffman]], ''Tikkun'' (July-August 1989); also quoted in ''The Best Liberal Quotes Ever : Why the Left is Right'' (2004) by William P. Martin, p. 51 * Although the quest for or preservation of '''“democracy” is often used as a justification for war, history has incessantly revealed that such a quest is often little more than a thinly-veiled attempt to install a puppet regime'''. ** David R. Hoffman, ''[https://english.pravda.ru/opinion/4491-bush/ Bush vs. Hitler]'', (2004) * The basic ideals and concepts of [[Rationalism|rationalist]] [[metaphysics]] were rooted in the concept of the universally human, of mankind, and their formalization implies that they have been severed from their human content. How this [[Oppression|dehumanization]] of thinking affects the very foundations of our civilization can be illustrated by analysis of the principle of the majority, which is inseparable from the principle of democracy. In the eyes of the average man, the principle of the majority is often not only a substitute for but an improvement upon objective reason: since men are after all the best judges of their own interests, the resolutions of a majority, it is thought, are certainly as valuable to a community as the intuitions of a so-called superior reason. … What does it mean to say that “a man knows his own interests best”—how does he gain this knowledge, what evidences that his knowledge is correct? In the proposition, “A man knows [his own interests] best,” there is an implicit reference to an agency that is not totally arbitrary … to some sort of reason underlying not only means but ends as well. If that agency should turn out to be again merely the majority, the whole argument would constitute a tautology. The great philosophical tradition that contributed to the founding of modern democracy was not guilty of this tautology, for it based the principles of government upon … the assumption that the same spiritual substance or moral consciousness is present in each human being. In other words, respect for the majority was based on a conviction that did not itself depend on the resolutions of the majority. ** [[Max Horkheimer]], ''Eclipse of Reason'' (1947), p. 18 * Democracy has nothing to do with freedom. Democracy is a soft variant of communism, and rarely in the history of ideas has it been taken for anything else. **[[Hans-Hermann Hoppe]], ''Reflections on State and War'' (2006) * The only way to practice democracy, is to practice democracy. **[[Hu Shih]], ''Science and Democracy Defined'' (1921), quoted in: {{cite book |title=Ideological Conflicts in Modern China: Democracy and Authoritarianism |isbn=1 5600 0608 0 |year=1986 |publisher=Transaction Publishers |author=Wen-shun Chi |pages=pp 99-134}} * By means of ever more effective methods of mind-manip­ulation, the democracies will change their nature; the quaint old forms&mdash; [[elections]], [[Parliamentary system|parliaments]], [[w:Supreme_Courts|Supreme Courts]] and all the rest&mdash;will remain. The underlying substance will be a new kind of non-violent totalitari­anism. All the traditional names, all the hallowed slo­gans will remain exactly what they were in the good old days. Democracy and freedom will be the theme of every broadcast and editorial&mdash;but democracy and free­dom in a strictly Pickwickian sense. Meanwhile the ruling [[oligarchy]] and its highly trained elite of [[Soldiers|sol­diers]], [[Police|policemen]], thought-manufacturers and mind-manipulators will quietly run the show as they see fit. ** [[Aldous Huxley]], ''Brave New World Revisited'' (1958), Chapter 3, p. 25 * ... our democracy is merely nominal. We have a [[wiktionary:kakistocracy|kakistocracy]] of [[plutocrat]] and [[proletariat]] for agents and beneficiaries, the plutocrats usually being the beneficiaries and the proletariat being agents in their own deception, instead of [[aristocracy]] for our rulers and democracy for the beneficiaries. ** [[w:James H. Hyslop|James H. Hyslop]], {{cite book|url=https://www.google.com/books?id=2B8apJZmFVAC&pg=PA44| page=44| title=Democracy: A Study of Government | year=1899 | publisher=C. Scribner's Sons }} ==I== * Democracy is a system where people are counted but not weighed. **[[Muhammad Iqbal]], Quoted in ''Voices of resurgent Islam'' (1983), Oxford University Press, [[John Esposito]], p. 180. ==J== * '''I cannot be brought to believe that this country will suffer if the Court refuses further to aggrandize the presidential office, already so potent and so relatively immune from judicial review, at the expense of Congress.'''</br></br>But I have no illusion that any decision by this Court can keep power in the hands of Congress if it is not wise and timely in meeting its problems. A crisis that challenges the President equally, or perhaps primarily, challenges Congress. '''If not good law, there was worldly wisdom in the maxim attributed to Napoleon that "The tools belong to the man who can use them." We may say that power to legislate for emergencies belongs in the hands of Congress, but only Congress itself can prevent power from slipping through its fingers.</br></br>The essence of our free Government is "leave to live by no man's leave, underneath the law" -- to be governed by those impersonal forces which we call law.''' Our Government is fashioned to fulfill this concept so far as humanly possible. '''The Executive, except for recommendation and veto, has no legislative power.''' The executive action we have here originates in the individual will of the President, and represents an exercise of authority without law. No one, perhaps not even the President, knows the limits of the power he may seek to exert in this instance, and the parties affected cannot learn the limit of their rights. We do not know today what powers over labor or property would be claimed to flow from Government possession if we should legalize it, what rights to compensation would be claimed or recognized, or on what contingency it would end. '''With all its defects, delays and inconveniences, men have discovered no technique for long preserving free government except that the Executive be under the law, and that the law be made by parliamentary deliberations. Such institutions may be destined to pass away. But it is the duty of the [[Supreme Court of the United States|Court]] to be last, not first, to give them up.''' ** [[Robert H. Jackson]], ''[[w:Youngstown Sheet & Tube Co. v. Sawyer|Youngstown Sheet & Tube Co. v. Sawyer]]'', 343 U.S. 579 (1952) (concurring), at 654-655. *** See also: For those who think it important for the Nation to impose more tariffs, I understand that today’s decision will be disappointing. All I can offer them is that '''most major decisions affecting the rights and responsibilities of the American people (including the duty to pay taxes and tariffs) are funneled through the legislative process for a reason. Yes, legislating can be hard and take time. And, yes, it can be tempting to bypass Congress when some pressing problem arises. But the deliberative nature of the legislative process was the whole point of its design. Through that process, the Nation can tap the combined wisdom of the people’s elected representatives, not just that of one faction or man. There, deliberation tempers impulse, and compromise hammers disagreements into workable solutions. And because laws must earn such broad support to survive the legislative process, they tend to endure, allowing ordinary people to plan their lives in ways they cannot when the rules shift from day to day. In all, the legislative process helps ensure each of us has a stake in the laws that govern us and in the Nation’s future. For some today, the weight of those virtues is apparent. For others, it may not seem so obvious. But if history is any guide, the tables will turn and the day will come when those disappointed by today’s result will appreciate the legislative process for the bulwark of liberty it is.''' *** [[Neil Gorsuch]], ''[[w:Learning Resources, Inc. v. Trump|Learning Resources, Inc. v. Trump]]''', 607 U.S. ___ (2026) (concurring), slip opinion at page 46. [https://web.archive.org/web/20260228130402/https://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/25pdf/24-1287_4gcj.pdf Archived] from [https://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/25pdf/24-1287_4gcj.pdf the original] at February 28, 2026. * An electoral choice of ten different fascists is like choosing which way one wishes to die. The holder of so-called high public office is always merely an extension of the hated ruling corporate class. ** [[George Jackson (activist)|George L. Jackson]], ''Blood in My Eye'' (1971), p. 72 * The fascist arrangement tolerates the existence of no valid revolutionary activity. It has programmed into its very nature a massive, complex and automatic defense mechanism for all our old methods for raising the consciousness of a potentially revolutionary class of people. The essence of a U.S.A. totalitarian socio-political capitalism is concealed behind the illusion of a mass participatory society. We must rip away its mask. Then the debate can end, and we can enter a new phase of struggle based on the development of an armed revolutionary culture that will triumph. ** [[George Jackson (activist)|George L. Jackson]], ''Blood in My Eye'' (1971), p. 138 * Today they speak of [[freedom]], democracy and anti-[[imperialism]], whereas until recently they openly preached the doctrine of the [[Fascist]] state. It is in its actions that the terrorist party betrays its real character; from its [[past]] actions we can judge what it may be expected to do in the [[future]]. ** ''Jewish intellectuals'' [https://timesmachine.nytimes.com/timesmachine/1948/12/04/96605844.pdf Letters to The Times: New Palestine Party: Visit of Menachem Begin and Aim of Political Movement Discussed] (4 December 1948) ''The New York Times'' * Democracy has always been a problem. The truly attractive features of the Western tradition that we accidentally—and it really is accidentally—get the benefit of are the rule of law, liberalism and tolerance, all of which are virtues inherited from predemocratic societies, whether they were based in [[w:18th century|eighteenth-century]] [[w:Anglo-American|Anglo-American]] aristocratic [[individualism]] or [[19th century|nineteenth-century]] European forms of a type of developed postfeudal legal state. Democracy comes last. Democracy is simply a system of selection of people to rule over you. And it’s not accidental that everyone is now a democrat. The [[China|Chinese]] are for democracy. [[George W. Bush|George Bush]] was for democracy. The [[Myanmar|Burmese]] believe in it; they just call it something slightly different. [[South Africa|South African]] [[White people|whites]] believed in democracy; they just thought it should be arranged differently for [[Black people|blacks]]. Democracy is a dangerously empty term, and to the extent that it has substance, and the substance consists of allowing people to select freely how they live, the chance that they will choose to live badly is very high. ** [[Tony Judt]], quoted in "Talking With Tony Judt", ''The Nation'' (April 29, 2010) by Christine Smallwood ==K== [[File:Discurso funebre pericles.PNG|thumb|The essence of democracy is that the right to make law rests in the people and flows to the government, not the other way around. Freedom resides first in the people without need of a grant from government. ~ [[Anthony Kennedy]] ]] [[File:Anthony Kennedy (2009, cropped).jpg|thumb|A democracy has the capacity—and the duty—to learn from its past mistakes; to discover and confront persisting biases; and by respectful, rationale deliberation to rise above those flaws and injustices. [...] It is demeaning to the democratic process to presume that the voters are not capable of deciding an issue of this sensitivity on decent and rational grounds. [...] An informed public can, and must, rise above this. The idea of democracy is that it can, and must, mature. Freedom embraces the right, indeed the duty, to engage in a rational, civic discourse in order to determine how best to form a consensus to shape the destiny of the Nation and its people. ~ [[Anthony Kennedy]] ]] [[File:Andrew Johnson impeachment trial.jpg|thumb|The true democracy, living and growing and inspiring, puts its faith in the people - faith that the people will not simply elect men who will represent their views ably and faithfully, but will also elect men who will exercise their conscientious judgment - faith that the people will not condemn those whose devotion to principle leads them to unpopular courses, but will reward courage, respect honor, and ultimately recognize right. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]] ]] [[File:President greets Peace Corps Volunteers. White House, South Lawn. - NARA - 194180.jpg|thumb|In a democracy, every citizen, regardless of his interest in politics, 'hold office'; everyone of us is in a position of responsibility; and, in the final analysis, the kind of government we get depends upon how we fulfill those responsibilities. We, the people, are the boss, and we will get the kind of political leadership, be it good or bad, that we demand and deserve. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]] ]] [[File:Electoral democracies.png|thumb|Democracy fights in anger — it fights for the very reason that it was forced to go to war. It fights to punish the power that was rash enough and hostile enough to provoke it — to teach that power a lesson it will not forget, to prevent the thing from happening again. ~ [[George F. Kennan]] ]] [[File:Martin Luther King, III 2007 NYC crop.jpg|thumb|If we are to be a great democracy, we must all take an active role in our democracy. We must do democracy. That goes far beyond simply casting your vote. We must all actively champion the causes that ensure the common good. ~ [[Martin Luther King III]] ]] * Democracy is necessarily [[Tyranny|despotism]], as it establishes an executive power contrary to the general will; all being able to decide against one whose opinion may differ, the will of all is therefore not that of all: which is contradictory and opposite to liberty. **[[Immanuel Kant]], Perpetual Peace, II, (1795) * '''The essence of democracy is that the right to make law rests in the people and flows to the government, not the other way around. Freedom resides first in the people without need of a grant from government.''' ** [[Anthony Kennedy ]], ''[[w:Hollingsworth v. Perry|Hollingsworth v. Perry]]'', 570 U.S. 693 (2013), Dissent * The respondents in this case insist that a difficult question of public policy must be taken from the reach of the voters, and thus removed from the realm of public discussion, dialogue, and debate in an election campaign. Quite in addition to the serious [[First Amendment to the United States Constitution|First Amendment]] implications of that position with respect to any particular election, it is inconsistent with the underlying premises of a responsible, functioning democracy. One of those premises is that '''a democracy has the capacity—and the duty—to learn from its past mistakes; to discover and confront persisting biases; and by respectful, rationale deliberation to rise above those flaws and injustices. That process is impeded, not advanced, by court decrees based on the proposition that the public cannot have the requisite repose to discuss certain issues. It is demeaning to the democratic process to presume that the voters are not capable of deciding an issue of this sensitivity on decent and rational grounds. The process of public discourse and political debate should not be foreclosed even if there is a risk that during a public campaign there will be those, on both sides, who seek to use racial division and discord to their own political advantage. An informed public can, and must, rise above this. The idea of democracy is that it can, and must, mature. Freedom embraces the right, indeed the duty, to engage in a rational, civic discourse in order to determine how best to form a consensus to shape the destiny of the Nation and its people.''' ** [[Anthony Kennedy ]], ''[[w:Schuette v. Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action|Schuette v. Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action]]'', 572 U. S. ____, (2016), plurality opinion. * '''The true democracy, living and growing and inspiring, puts its faith in the people - faith that the people will not simply elect men who will represent their views ably and faithfully, but will also elect men who will exercise their conscientious judgment - faith that the people will not condemn those whose devotion to principle leads them to unpopular courses, but will reward courage, respect honor, and ultimately recognize right.''' ** [[John F. Kennedy]], [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations/Profiles-in-Courage-quotations.aspx 1964 Memorial Edition of Profiles in Courage, p. 264] * '''For in a democracy, every citizen, regardless of his interest in politics, 'hold office'; everyone of us is in a position of responsibility; and, in the final analysis, the kind of government we get depends upon how we fulfill those responsibilities. We, the people, are the boss, and we will get the kind of political leadership, be it good or bad, that we demand and deserve.''' ** [[John F. Kennedy]], [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations/Profiles-in-Courage-quotations.aspx 1964 Memorial Edition of Profiles in Courage, p. 265] * A democracy is peace-loving. It does not like to go to war. It is slow to rise to provocation. When it has once been provoked to the point where it must grasp the sword, it does not easily forgive its adversary for having produced this situation. The fact of the provocation then becomes itself the issue. Democracy fights in anger — it fights for the very reason that it was forced to go to war. It fights to punish the power that was rash enough and hostile enough to provoke it — to teach that power a lesson it will not forget, to prevent the thing from happening again. Such a war must be carried to the bitter end. ** [[George F. Kennan]], in ''American Diplomacy'' (1951) * [[w:Islamic democracy|Islamic democracy]] will be more perfect than Western democracy. ** Ayatollah Khomeini, Sahifeh Imam Khomeini Volume 4 Page 314-315 [https://books.google.com/books?id=ZIkxDQAAQBAJ&pg=PA80&lpg=PA80&dq=islamic+democracy+better+than+western+democracy+khomeini&source=bl&ots=Cy5Z0QKPNa&sig=ACfU3U3DKD6STqKQWnyIaxygaZR3R1rADw&hl=ru&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjZ1ZeG0bXqAhWMGuwKHeZDBUcQ6AEwCXoECAkQAQ] [http://www.imam-khomeini.ir/fa/n120458/%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85_%D9%88_%D8%AF%D9%85%D9%88%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C] * If the genuine self-rule of the people is impossible, according his somber realism, the only choice is one between leaderless and leadership democracy. When advocating a sweeping [[democratization]] of defeated [[Germany]], thus, [[Max Weber|Weber]] envisioned democracy in Germany as a political marketplace in which strong charismatic leaders can be identified and elected by winning votes in a free competition, even battle, among themselves. Preserving and enhancing this element of struggle in politics is important since it is only through a dynamic electoral process that national leadership strong enough to control an otherwise omnipotent bureaucracy can be made. […] For a fair and comprehensive assessment, however, it should also be brought into the purview that Weber’s leadership democracy is not solely reliant upon the fortuitous personality traits of its leaders, let alone a caesaristic dictator. In addition to the free electoral competition led by the organized mass parties, Weber saw localized, yet public associational life as a breeding ground for the formation of charismatic leaders. ** Sung Ho Kim, "[http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/weber/ Max Weber]", The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy (Fall 2012 Edition), Edward N. Zalta (ed.) * '''If we are to be a great democracy, we must all take an active role in our democracy. We must do democracy. That goes far beyond simply casting your vote. We must all actively champion the causes that ensure the common good.''' ** [[Martin Luther King III]], [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/08/28/martin-luther-king-iii-dn_n_122258.html Speech at the Democratic Convention (28 August 2008)] * You cannot have democratic [[accountability]] in anything bigger than a [[Nation-state|nation state]]. ** [[Václav Klaus]], [https://archive.is/20120529155704/www.vdare.com/walker/sierra_media_war.htm The Sierra Staff Strikes Back, With Some Help From The SPLC], [http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2003/nov/24/20031124-110833-1781r/ Czech warns Europe of 'dream world' woes] * In the linguistic usage of the Left, "democratic" denotes much more frequently highly negative values. Everybody is acquainted with the real meaning of such expressions as "making democracy work in the classroom" which just stands for lack of [[discipline]], or "democratizing literature" which means plain trash. ** [[Erik von Kuehnelt-Leddihn]], ''The Menace of the Herd'' (1943), p. 10 * It is probable that "democracy" is the most original form of "organized" society. One could well imagine that if seven out of ten cavemen wanted to do a thing collectively in one way and the three others decided differently, the majority of these cavemen (assuming that they are of about equal bodily strength) could force the rest to accept their decision. '''The rule of majorities, in combination with the employment of brutal force, is likely to be the most primitive form of government in the development of mankind.''' ** [[Erik von Kuehnelt-Leddihn]], ''The Menace of the Herd'' (1943), p. 103 * [[Ochlocracy]] never had brilliant advocates like [[monarchy]], [[aristocracy]], or [[socialism]]. There is nobody in the "democratic" camp who can be compared for brilliancy — I do not say orthodoxy in each case — to [[Alexis de Tocqueville|de Tocqueville]], [[Karl Marx|Marx]], [[w:Charles Maurras|Maurras]], [[w:Gonzague de Reynold|de Reynold]], [[Leon Trotsky|Trotzky]], [[Oswald Spengler|Spengler]], [[Pierre-Joseph Proudhon|Proudhon]], [[Plato]], [[Jacques Bainville|Bainville]], [[Aristotle]], [[José Ortega y Gasset|Ortega]], and [[Thomas Aquinas|St. Thomas]]. Democracy never had, and probably never will have, an appeal for the man of original [[genius]]. ** [[Erik von Kuehnelt-Leddihn]], ''The Menace of the Herd'' (1943), p. 105 ==L== [[File:G-Eurokapitalisme.jpg|thumb|[[Socialism]] without democracy is pseudo-socialism, just as democracy without socialism is pseudo-democracy. ~ [[Wilhelm Liebknecht]]]] [[File:Stäfa Denkmal Ausschnitt hell.jpg|thumb|''If Voting Changed Anything They'd Abolish It''. ~ [[Ken Livingstone]]]] * The cultivated mind is the guardian genius of democracy and, while guided and controlled by virtue, the noblest attribute of man. It is the only dictator that freemen acknowledge and the only security that freemen desire. ** [[w:Mirabeau B. Lamar|Mirabeau B. Lamar]], 2nd President of the Republic of Texas, as quoted in ''Hargrave Military Academy: Catalog and Announcements for session 1944-1945'' (1944), the yearbook of Hargrave Military Academy * Among the most primitive races tribal authority is exercised almost universally in the democratic form of general council, while governments representing the monarchical principle are almost entirely absent among peoples usually relegated to the lowest group. We regard this as a very remarkable fact concerning primitive social organization, and it has in most cases only been mentioned in passing in theoretical literature. ** Gunnar Landtman, ''The Origin of the Inequality of the Social Classes'' (1938) * The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular representatives of the oppressing class shall represent and repress them in parliament. ** [[Vladimir Lenin]], ''{{w|The State and Revolution}}'' (1917) * Democracy for an insignificant minority, democracy for the rich – that is the democracy of capitalist society. If we look more closely into the machinery of capitalist democracy, we see everywhere, in the "petty" – supposedly petty – details of the suffrage (residential qualifications, exclusion of women, etc.), in the technique of the representative institutions, in the actual obstacles to the right of assembly (public buildings are not for "paupers"!), in the purely capitalist organization of the daily press, etc., etc., – we see restriction after restriction upon democracy. These restrictions, exceptions, exclusions, obstacles for the poor seem slight, especially in the eyes of one who has never known want himself and has never been in close contact with the oppressed classes in their mass life (and nine out of 10, if not 99 out of 100, bourgeois publicists and politicians come under this category); but in their sum total these restrictions exclude and squeeze out the poor from politics, from active participation in democracy. ** [[Vladimir Lenin]], ''[[w:The State and Revolution|The State and Revolution]]'' (1917), Ch. 5 *Polls show that (in the U.S.) on the major issues of our time — the [[War in Afghanistan (2001–2021)|Afghanistan]] and [[Iraq War|Iraq wars]], Wall Street bailouts and [[Health care in the United States|health insurance]] — the opinion of We the People has been ignored on a national level for quite some time. ... It is a myth that the United States of America was ever a democracy (most of the famous founder elite such as [[John Adams]] equated democracy with mob rule and wanted no part of it). The United States of America was actually created as a republic, in which Americans were supposed to have power through representatives who were supposed to actually represent the American people. The truth today, however, is that the United States is neither a democracy nor a republic. Americans are ruled by a [[corporatocracy]]: a partnership of “too-big-to-fail” corporations, the extremely wealthy elite, and corporate-collaborator government officials. **[[Bruce E. Levine]] in [https://www.huffingtonpost.com/bruce-e-levine/the-myth-of-us-democracy-corporatocracy_b_836573.html ''The Myth of U.S. Democracy and the Reality of U.S. Corporatocracy, Huffington Post,''] (25 May 2011) *In the U.S. [[corporatocracy]], [[corporations]] and the wealthy elite directly and indirectly finance candidates, who are then indebted to them. It’s common for these indebted government officials to appoint to key decision-making roles those friendly to corporations, including executives from these corporations... The United States is not ruled by a single deranged dictator but by an impersonal corporatocracy. Thus, there is no one tyrant that Americans can first hate and then finally overthrow so as to end senseless wars and economic injustices.... he first step in recovering democracy is the psychological courage to face the humiliation that we Americans have neither a democracy nor a republic but are in fact ruled by a partnership of “too-big-to-fail” corporations, the extremely wealthy elite, and corporate-collaborator government officials. **[[Bruce E. Levine]] in [https://www.huffingtonpost.com/bruce-e-levine/the-myth-of-us-democracy-corporatocracy_b_836573.html ''The Myth of U.S. Democracy and the Reality of U.S. Corporatocracy, Huffington Post,''] (25 May 2011) * [[Socialism]] without democracy is pseudo-socialism, just as democracy without socialism is pseudo-democracy. ** [[Wilhelm Liebknecht]], ''[https://www.marxists.org/archive/liebknecht-w/1889/political-position.htm On The Political Position of Social-Democracy]'' (1869 & 1889) * ''If Voting Changed Anything They'd Abolish It''. ** [[Ken Livingstone]], title of his 1988 autobiographical memoirs. <small> {{ISBN|9780006373353}} </small> * Here is Democracy's opportunity. Here is the opportunity to be of service to the people. Here is the chance for this party to have been of service to the people of the United States. Here is our chance to have been of help to the poor man. Here is our chance to have relieved him of the burdens and to have given him the benefits of a government that could have promoted the enterprises and furnished the conveniences and the facilities needed by every man, woman, and child in this country. ** [[Huey Long]], remarks in the Senate (17 May 1932), reported in ''Congressional Record'', vol. 75, p. 10394 *[[Puritanism]], believing itself quick with the seed of [[Freedom of religion|religious liberty]], laid, without knowing it, the egg of democracy. **[[James Russell Lowell]], ''Among My Books'', ''New England Two Centuries Ago'', as reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 188 *Democ'acy gives every man<br> A right to be his own oppressor. **[[James Russell Lowell]], ''Biglow Papers'', Series 2, No. 7, as reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 188 * The institutions which are democratic in form are in substance instruments of the dominant class interest. This is most obvious in the fact that so soon as democracy shows a disposition to deny its class character and to become an instrument of the real interest of the people, the democratic forms themselves are sacrificed. ** [[Rosa Luxemburg]], ''Gesammelte Werke'', III, pp. 59—60, cited in Paul M. Sweezy, ''Theory of Capital Development'', p. 251 *To one that advised him to set up a democracy in [[w:Sparta|Sparta]], "Pray," said Lycurgus, "do you first set up a democracy in your own house." **[[Lycurgus]] in [[Plutarch]]'s ''Apophthegms of Kings and Great Commanders'', as reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 188 ==M== [[File:Hanna jon 1999 mckenna terence.jpg|thumb|[[Progress]] of human civilization in the area of defining human [[freedom]] is not made from the top down. No king, no parliament, no government ever extended to the people more [[rights]] than the people insisted upon. ~ [[Terence McKenna]] ]] [[File:H-L-Mencken-1928.jpg|thumb|Men in the mass never brook the destructive discussion of their fundamental beliefs, and that impatience is naturally most evident in those societies in which men in the mass are most influential. Democracy and [[free speech]] are not facets of one gem; democracy and free speech are eternal enemies. ~ [[H. L. Mencken]] ]] [[File:Mao1938a.jpg|thumb|All the experience the Chinese people have accumulated through several decades teaches us to enforce the people's democratic dictatorship, that is, to deprive the reactionaries of the right to speak and let the people alone have that right. ~ [[Mao Zedong]]]] [[File:Goddess of democracy close up.jpg|thumb|Democracy is old, very old; it is an attitude of man... Democracy...has always been in crisis with [[authoritarianism]]. So democracy can never be considered to be finished or perfect, the end of history does not exist, historical steps exist. ~ [[José Mujica]] ]] * Tyranny is usually tempered with [[assassination]], and Democracy must be tempered with culture. In the absence of this, it turns into a representation of collective folly. ** [[w: John Stuart Mackenzie | John Stuart Mackenzie ]], in ''An Introduction to Social Philosophy''‎ (1895), p. 383 * A pure democracy can admit no cure for the mischiefs of faction. A common passion or interest will be felt by a majority, and there is nothing to check the inducements to sacrifice the weaker party. Hence it is, that democracies have ever been found incompatible with personal security or the rights of property; and have, in general, been as short in their lives as they have been violent in their deaths. **[[James Madison]], Federalist Paper #10 * Hence it is that such democracies have ever been spectacles of turbulence and contention; have ever been found incompatible with personal security or the rights of property; and have in general been as short in their lives as they have been violent in their deaths. Theoretic politicians, who have patronized this species of government, have erroneously supposed that by reducing mankind to a perfect equality in their political rights, they would, at the same time, be perfectly equalized and assimilated in their possessions, their opinions, and their passions. **[[James Madison]], Federalist No. 10 * All the experience the [[Chinese people]] have accumulated through several decades teaches us to enforce the people's democratic dictatorship, that is, to deprive the reactionaries of the right to speak and let the people alone have that right. **[[Mao Zedong]], in his 1949 essay [https://archive.is/20121215185433/www.wellesley.edu/Polisci/wj/China/mao22.html "On the People's Democratic Dictatorship"] * Without democracy there cannot be any correct centralism because people’s ideas differ, and if their understanding of things lacks unity then centralism cannot be established. What is centralism? First of all it is a [[Centralisation|centralization]] of correct ideas, on the basis of which unity of understanding, policy, planning, command and action are achieved. This is called centralized unification. If people still do not understand problems, if they have ideas but have not expressed them, or are angry but still have not vented their anger, how can centralized unification be established? If there is no democracy we cannot possibly summarize experience correctly. If there is no democracy, if ideas are not coming from the masses, it is impossible to establish a good line, good general and specific policies and methods. Our leading organs merely play the role of a processing plant in the establishment of a good line and good general and specific policies and methods. Everyone knows that if a factory has no raw material it cannot do any processing. If the raw material is not adequate in quantity and quality it cannot produce good finished products. Without democracy, you have no understanding of what is happening down below; the situation will be unclear; you will be unable to collect sufficient opinions from all sides; there can be no communication between top and bottom; top-level organs of leadership will depend on one-sided and incorrect material to decide issues, thus you will find it difficult to avoid being subjectivist; it will be impossible to achieve unity of understanding and unity of action, and impossible to achieve true centralism. Is not the main item for discussion at this session of our conference opposition to dispersionism and the strengthening of centralized unification? If we fail to promote democracy in full measure, then will this centralism and this unification be true or false? Will it be real or empty? Will it be correct or incorrect? Of course it must be false, empty and incorrect. **[[Mao Zedong]], Talk at an Enlarged Central Work Conference (30 January 1962) * The socialist system is incomparably superior to the capitalist system. In socialist society, the [[dictatorship of the proletariat]] replaces bourgeois dictatorship and the public ownership of the means of production replaces private ownership. The proletariat, from being an oppressed and exploited class, turns into a ruling class and a fundamental change takes place in the social position of the working people. Exercising dictatorship over a few exploiters only, the state of the dictatorship of the proletariat practices the broadest democracy among the masses of the working people, a democracy that is impossible in capitalist society. The nationalisation of industry and collectivization of agriculture open wide vistas for the vigorous development of the social productive forces, ensuring a rate of growth incomparably greater than that in any older society. ** [[Mao Zedong]], ''On Khrushchov’s Phoney Communism and Its Historical Lessons for the World'' (1964) * Our democracy was from an early period the most aristocratic, and our aristocracy the most democratic. **[[Thomas Babington Macaulay, 1st Baron Macaulay]], ''History'', Vol. I, p. 20 * I have long been convinced that institutions purely democratic must, sooner or later, destroy liberty, or civilisation, or both. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], letter to Henry Stephens Randall (May 23, 1857), ''The Letters of Thomas Babington Macaulay'' (1981) edited by Thomas Pinney, Vol. 6, p. 94 * I have not the smallest doubt that, if we had a purely democratic government here, the effect would be the same. Either the poor would plunder the rich, and civilisation would perish; or order and property would be saved by a strong military government, and liberty would perish. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], letter to Henry Stephens Randall (May 23, 1857), ''The Letters of Thomas Babington Macaulay'' (1981) edited by Thomas Pinney, Vol. 6, p. 94 * Operational analysis … cannot raise the decisive question whether the consent itself was not the work of manipulation—a question for which the actual state of affairs provides ample justification. The analysis cannot raise it because it would transcend its terms toward transitive meaning—toward a concept of democracy which would reveal the democratic election as a rather limited democratic process.<br>Precisely such a non-operational concept is the one rejected by the authors as “unrealistic” because it defines democracy on too articulate a level as the clear-cut control of representation by the electorate—popular control as popular sovereignty. ** [[Herbert Marcuse]], ''One Dimensional Man'' (1964), p. 116 * No one can define or measure [[justice]], democracy, security, freedom, truth, or love. [...] But if no one speaks up for them, if systems aren't designed to produce them, if we don't speak about them and point toward their presence or absence, they will cease to exist. ** [[Donella Meadows]], ''[[Donella Meadows#Thinking in Systems: A Primer (2008)|Thinking in Systems: A Primer]]'', Chelsea Green Publishing, 2008, page 176 (ISBN 9781603580557). * Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. ** [[H.L. Mencken]], ''A Little Book in C Major'' (1916), p. 19 * Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual [[ignorance]]. ** [[H.L. Mencken]], “Notes On Journalism,” ''Chicago Tribune'' (September 19, 1926) * Civilization, in fact, grows more and more maudlin and hysterical; especially under democracy it tends to degenerate into a mere combat of crazes; the whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by an endless series of hobgoblins, most of them imaginary. ** [[H.L. Mencken]], ''In Defense of Women'' (1918) * As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron. ** [[H. L. Mencken]], “Bayard vs. Lionheart,” ''Baltimore Evening Sun'' (26 July 1920) * The cure for the evils of democracy is more democracy! ** [[H.L. Mencken]], ''Notes on Democracy'' (1926), p. 4 and p. 73 * Men in the mass never brook the destructive discussion of their fundamental beliefs, and that impatience is naturally most evident in those societies in which men in the mass are most influential. Democracy and [[free speech]] are not facets of one gem; democracy and free speech are eternal enemies. ** [[H. L. Mencken]], Introduction to ''The Antichrist'' * Politics, under a democracy, reduces itself to a mere struggle for office by flatterers of the [[w:proletariat|proletariat]]. ** [[H. L. Mencken]], Introduction to ''The Antichrist'' *No government by a democracy, … either in its political acts or in the opinions, qualities, and tone of mind which it fosters, ever did or could rise above [[mediocrity]], except in so far as the sovereign Many have let themselves be guided (which in their best times they always have done) by the counsels and influence of a more highly gifted and instructed One or Few. ** [[John Stuart Mill]], ''On Liberty'' (Henry Holt, New York: 1895), Chapter 3, p. 119 *"In a ''[[The public|public]]'', as we may understand the term, (1) virtually as many people express opinions as receive them, (2) Public communications are so organised that there is a chance immediately and effectively to answer back any opinion expressed in public. Opinion formed by such discussion (3) readily finds an outlet in effective action, even against – if necessary – the prevailing system of [[authority]]. And (4) authoritative institutions do not penetrate the public, which is thus more or less autonomous in its operations.-In a ''mass'', (1) far fewer people express opinions than receive them; for the community of publics becomes an abstract collection of individuals who receive impressions from the mass media. (2) The communications that prevail are so organised that it is difficult or impossible for the individual to answer back immediately or with any effect. (3) The realisation of opinion in action is controlled by authorities who organise and control the channels of such action. (4) The mass has no autonomy from institutions; on the contrary, agents of authorised institutions penetrate this mass, reducing any autonomy it may have in the formation of opinion by discussion". **[[w:C. Wright Mills|C. Wright Mills]], on Democracy in ''[[w:The Power Elite|The Power Elite]]'' (1956) * As "rule of the people" (the etymological root of democracy), democracy's underlying logic is essentially the unceasing movement of freedom making. And freedom, as we have seen, must be jettisoned in even the best of representative systems. ** [[Cindy Milstein]], {{cite book |title=Anarchism and Its Aspirations |date=1 May 2010 |publisher=AK Press |isbn=978-1-84935-029-7 |page=101 |url=https://www.google.com/books/edition/Anarchism_and_Its_Aspirations/FQLRDgAAQBAJ?hl=en-419&gbpv=1&pg=PA101}} * Democracy finds its radical edge in the great revolutions of the past. ** [[Cindy Milstein]], {{cite book |title=Anarchism and Its Aspirations |date=1 May 2010 |publisher=AK Press |isbn=978-1-84935-029-7 |page=102 |url=https://www.google.com/books/edition/Anarchism_and_Its_Aspirations/FQLRDgAAQBAJ?hl=en-419&gbpv=1&pg=PA102}} * [[Vilfredo Pareto|Pareto]], [[Georges Sorel]], Lenin, Hitler, and [[Benito Mussolini|Mussolini]] were right in denouncing democracy as a capitalist method. Every step which leads from capitalism toward planning is necessarily a step nearer to [[absolutism]] and dictatorship. ** [[Ludwig von Mises]], ''Omnipotent Government: The Rise of the Total State and the Total War'', Mises Institute (2010) p. 53. First published in 1944 by Yale University Press. * [[Capitalism]] is a lot more important than democracy. I'm not even a big believer in democracy. ** [[Stephen Moore]], quoted in ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=tIlrEAAAQBAJ&lpg=PP1&pg=PT10 Crack-Up Capitalism: Market Radicals and the Dream of a World Without Democracy]'' by {{w|Quinn Slobodian}} (2023) p. 10. {{ISBN|978-1250753892}} * Here is the crisis of the times as I see it: We talk about problems, issues, policies, but we don't talk about what democracy means — what it bestows on us — the revolutionary idea that it isn't just about the means of governance but the means of dignifying people so they become fully free to claim their moral and political agency. ** [[Bill Moyers]], "The Power of Democracy", speech accepting the Public Intellectual Award of the Woodrow Wilson National Fellowship Foundation, 7 February 2007, ''Moyers on Democracy'' (2008), p. 92 *[[Liberalism]] has the idea that [[democracy]] is its invention, that [[liberalism]] had to come about for democracy to exist... '''Democracy is old, very old; it is an attitude of man… Democracy is an imminent attitude, but one that has always been in crisis with [[authoritarianism]]. So democracy can never be considered to be finished or perfect, the end of history does not exist, historical steps exist. ''' Maybe today conditions are being created--thanks to digital mass-communication—that are going to foreshadow a kind of democracy that today we cannot imagine. **[[José Mujica]] in [https://www.economist.com/americas-view/2014/08/21/a-conversation-with-president-jose-mujica A conversation with President José Mujica, by M.R. and H.C. Montevideo], ''The Economist'' , (21 August 2014) *Bourgeois democracy: I defend it and I criticise it. What do I criticise? That it promises a degree of [[equality]] that it does not fulfill in practice.. If democracy has to represent the majority, as a symbol I understand that those who have the highest responsibilities should live as the majority does, not the minority. We have become feudal and the monarchy has come back in a different form.'''Bold text''' Presidents—the red carpet, those who play cornets, vassals on the bridge, all this paraphernalia which is not republican, because republics came into the world to reaffirm this: that men are basically equal. **[[José Mujica]] in [https://www.economist.com/americas-view/2014/08/21/a-conversation-with-president-jose-mujica A conversation with President José Mujica, by M.R. and H.C. Montevideo], ''The Economist'' , (21 August 2014) * The way people in democracies think of the government as something different from themselves is a real handicap. And, of course, sometimes the government confirms their opinion. ** [[Lewis Mumford]], as quoted in ''Philosophers of the Earth : Conversations with Ecologists'' (1972) by Anne Chisholm * Democracy is beautiful in theory; in practice it is a [[fallacy]]. You in America will see that some day. **[[Benito Mussolini]] to Edwin L James of the [[w:New York Times|New York Times]] (1928) * Democratic regimes may be described as those under which the people are, from time to time, deluded into the belief that they exercise sovereignty over their nation, while in reality the sovereignty at all times resides in and is exercised by other, sometimes irresponsible and secret forces. **[[Benito Mussolini]], in ''[[w:The Doctrine of Fascism|The Doctrine of Fascism]]'' ==N== * In ''A Place Among The Nations'', I drew a distinction between two kinds of [[peace]]: that between democracies and that between democracies and [[dictatorships]]. With few exceptions, democracies tend toward peace. You don't get reelected if you continually start wars and send your sons and [[daughters]] to die on foreign battlefields. Dictatorships, on the other hand, get to power by practicing [[aggression]] against their own people. So what will prevent them from practicing aggression against their neighbors? ** [[Benjamin Netanyahu]] in ''Bibi My Story'' (2022), p. 234 — [[Benjamin Netanyahu]] You don't get reelected if you continually start wars and send your sons and daughters to die on foreign battlefields *Democratic institutions are quarantine mechanisms for that old pestilence, tyrannic lust. As such they are very useful and very boring. **[[Friedrich Nietzsche]], ''Human, All-Too Human'', Volume 2, Aphorism 289 * The democratic idea proceeds toward the fabrication of a human type fit for [[slavery]] in the most delicate sense of the word. Every democracy is simultaneously an involuntary institution for the breeding of tyrants in every sense of the word, even in the spiritual sense. ** [[Friedrich Nietzsche]], ''Beyond Good and Evil'' (1886) ==O== [[File:2013 State of the Union Address.jpg|thumb|Democracy will win -- because a government’s legitimacy can only come from citizens [...] and because, more than any other form of government ever devised, only democracy, rooted in the sanctity of the individual, can deliver real progress. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]] [[File:Victims of Communism Memorial DBKing A.jpg|thumb|Democracy does not require uniformity. Democracy does require a basic sense of solidarity - the idea that for all our outward differences, we're all in this together; that we rise or fall as one. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]] [[File:Goddess of Democracy front a.jpg|thumb|Democracy can buckle when we give in to fear. So, just as we, as citizens, must remain vigilant against external aggression, we must guard against a weakening of the values that make us who we are. Our democracy is threatened whenever we take it for granted. It falls to each of us to be those those anxious, jealous guardians of our democracy. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]] [[File:Discurso funebre pericles.PNG|thumb|right|The biggest threat to our democracy is indifference. The biggest threat to our democracy is cynicism – a cynicism that’s led too many people to turn away from politics and stay home on election day. So if you don’t like what’s going on right now – and you shouldn’t – do not complain. Don’t get anxious. Don’t retreat. Don’t lose yourself in ironic detachment. Don’t put your head in the sand. Don’t boo. Vote. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]] [[File:58th Presidential Inauguration Marianique Santos 17.jpg|thumb|True democracy is a project that’s much bigger than any one of us. It’s bigger than any one person, any one president, any one government. It’s a job for all of us. It requires everyday sustained effort from all of us. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]] [[File:Johann Sperl - Mädchen im Bauerngarten (um 1885).jpg|thumb|Democracy is a garden that has to be tended. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]] [[File:Democracy claims.svg|thumb|It is almost universally felt that when we call a country democratic we are praising it: consequently the defenders of every kind of régime claim that it is a democracy, and fear that they might have to stop using the word if it were tied down to any one meaning. ~ [[George Orwell]] ]] * America is the world’s oldest [[constitutional democracy]]; that means we’re going to stand up for democracy -- it’s a part of who we are. And we do this not only because we think it’s right, but because it’s been proven to be the most stable and successful form of government. In recent decades, many [[Asia|Asian]] nations have shown that different nations can realize the promise of self-government in their own way; they have their own path. But we must recognize that '''democracies don’t stop just with elections; they also depend on strong institutions and a vibrant [[civil society]], and open political space, and tolerance of people who are different''' than you. We have to create '''an environment where the rights of every citizen, regardless of race or gender, or religion or sexual orientation are not only protected, but respected.''' ** [[Barack Obama]], [[http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2014/04/27/remarks-president-obama-young-southeast-asian-leaders-initiative-town-ha Remarks by President Obama at Young Southeast Asian Leaders Initiative Town Hall, University of Malaya, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia (27 April 2014)] * '''Democracy will win -- because a government’s legitimacy can only come from citizens; because in this age of information and empowerment, people want more control over their lives, not less; and because, more than any other form of government ever devised, only democracy, rooted in the sanctity of the individual, can deliver real progress.''' ** [[Barack Obama]], [http://www.whitehouse.gov/photos-and-video/video/2014/09/03/president-obama-addresses-people-estonia#transcript Remarks by President Obama to the People of Estonia] [http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2014/09/03/we-are-stronger-because-we-are-democracies-president-obama-addresses-people-estonia at the Nordea Concert Hall in Tallinn, Estonia (3 September 2014)] * [W]hat I want to focus on tonight [is the] state of our democracy. Understand, '''democracy does not require uniformity.''' [[Founding Fathers of the United States|Our founders]] argued. They quarreled. Eventually they compromised. They expected us to do the same. But they knew that '''democracy does require a basic sense of solidarity - the idea that for all our outward differences, we're all in this together; that we rise or fall as one.''' ** [[Barack Obama]], [https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/farewell Source: "President Obama's Farewell Address," delivered in Chicago on January 10, 2017, from the White House archives (transcript and video)] * '''Democracy can buckle when we give in to fear. So, just as we, as citizens, must remain vigilant against external aggression, we must guard against a weakening of the values that make us who we are. [...] Our democracy is threatened whenever we take it for granted. All of us, regardless of party, should be throwing ourselves into the task of rebuilding our democratic institutions. When voting rates in America are some of the lowest among advanced democracies, we should be making it easier, not harder, to vote. When trust in our institutions is low, we should reduce the corrosive influence of money in our politics, and insist on the principles of transparency and ethics in public service. When [[United States Congress|Congress]] is dysfunctional, we should draw our congressional districts to encourage politicians to cater to common sense and not rigid extremes. But remember, none of this happens on its own. All of this depends on our participation; on each of us accepting the responsibility of [[citizenship]], regardless of which way the pendulum of power happens to be swinging. [...] It falls to each of us to be those those anxious, jealous guardians of our democracy;''' to embrace the joyous task we've been given to continually try to improve this great nation of ours. '''Because for all our outward differences, we, in fact, all share the same proud title, the most important office in a democracy: Citizen. Citizen. So, you see, that's what our democracy demands. It needs you. Not just when there's an election, not just when your own narrow interest is at stake, but over the full span of a lifetime.''' ** [[Barack Obama]], [https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/farewell Source: "President Obama's Farewell Address," delivered in Chicago on January 10, 2017, from the White House archives (transcript and video)] * '''Our democracy is not the buildings, not the monuments. It's you being willing to work to make things better and being willing to listen to each other and argue with each other and come together and knock on doors and make phone calls and treat people with respect.''' ** [[Barack Obama]], Farewell to members of his staff on January 20, 2017 at Joint Base Andrews in Maryland before departing with his family for a vacation in California. Source: [http://edition.cnn.com/2017/01/20/politics/barack-obama-remarks/ Obama's post-inauguration remarks: Full text by CNN on January 20, 2017.] * As I’ve said many times before, '''true democracy is a project that’s much bigger than any one of us. It’s bigger than any one person, any one president, any one government. It’s a job for all of us. It requires everyday sustained effort from all of us — the work of perfecting our union is never finished.''' We look forward to joining you in that effort as fellow citizens. ** 2020-07-20 Youtube Video "''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODVxuN6m6E8&feature=youtu.be What's Next from Barack and Michelle Obama]''" Upload by the Obama Foundation and retrieved on August 28, 2020. As quoted by ABC Radio (2017) and presented in the 2017-01-20 article "''Obamas Offer Goodbye Message as They Leave the White House''" by MyCentralOregon.com. [https://archive.is/Gec3W Archived] from [https://www.mycentraloregon.com/2017/01/20/obamas-offer-goodbye-message-as-they-leave-the-white-house/ the original] and retrieved August 28, 2020. * '''When words stop meaning anything, when truth doesn’t matter, when people can just lie with abandon, democracy can’t work.''' ** [[Barack Obama]], Speech at political rally on November 2, 2018. Source: [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2018/11/03/obama-rips-hecklers-why-are-people-who-won-last-election-so-mad-all-time/ Obama rips hecklers: Why are the people who won the last election ‘so mad all the time?'] * But when '''there’s a vacuum in our democracy, when we don’t vote, when we take our basic rights and freedoms for granted, when we turn away and stop paying attention and stop engaging and stop believing and look for the newest diversion, the electronic versions of bread and circuses, then other voices fill the void. A politics of fear and resentment and retrenchment takes hold. [...] The biggest threat to our democracy is indifference. The biggest threat to our democracy is cynicism – a cynicism that’s led too many people to turn away from politics and stay home on election day. [...] So if you don’t like what’s going on right now – and you shouldn’t – do not complain. Don’t hashtag. Don’t get anxious. Don’t retreat. Don’t binge on whatever it is you’re bingeing on. Don’t lose yourself in ironic detachment. Don’t put your head in the sand. Don’t boo. [[Elections|Vote]]. You’ve got to vote.''' ** [[Barack Obama]], Speech at the University of Illinois (7. September 2018). As quoted in the September 8, 2018 The Guardian article "[https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/sep/08/barack-obama-you-need-to-vote-because-our-democracy-depends-on-it Barack Obama: you need to vote because our democracy depends on it]". * '''Democracy is a [[Gardens|garden]] that has to be tended.''' ** Remarks during conference held on March 6, 2019 by Qualtrics, a tech company in Salt Lake City. As quoted in the March 7, 2019 article "[https://web.archive.org/web/20191127211836/https://www.businessinsider.de/obama-issued-a-warning-on-the-political-climate-i-like-the-rule-of-law-democracy-competency-and-facts-those-things-arent-partisan-but-they-also-dont-happen-auatomatically-2019-3?r=US&IR=T Obama warns that if the world isn't careful, democracy could be in danger: 'Democracy is a garden that has to be tended']" by Business Insider Deutschland author Julie Bort. * Today we are witnessing the triumph of a hyperdemocracy in which the mass acts directly, outside the law, imposing its aspirations and its desires by means of material pressure. ** [[José Ortega y Gasset]], ''The Revolt of the Masses'', p. 17 * In the case of a word like DEMOCRACY, not only is there no agreed definition, but the attempt to make one is resisted from all sides. It is almost universally felt that when we call a country democratic we are praising it: consequently the defenders of every kind of régime claim that it is a democracy, and fear that they might have to stop using the word if it were tied down to any one meaning. Words of this kind are often used in a consciously dishonest way. That is, the person who uses them has his own private definition, but allows his hearer to think he means something quite different. **[[George Orwell]], in [http://www.george-orwell.org/Politics_and_the_English_Language/0.html ''Politics and the English Language: An Essay'' (1947)] *Oceania was at war with Eurasia: therefore Oceania had always been at war with Eurasia. The enemy of the moment always represented absolute evil, and it followed that any past or future agreement with him was impossible... If the Party could thrust its hand into the past and say of this or that event, it never happened... And if all others accepted the lie which the Party imposed -if all records told the same tale — then the lie passed into history and became truth. Who controls the past,' ran the Party slogan, 'controls the future: who controls the present controls the past... To know and not to know, to be conscious of complete truthfulness while telling carefully constructed lies...to believe that democracy was impossible and that the Party was the guardian of democracy, to forget whatever it was necessary to forget, then to draw it back into memory again at the moment when it was needed, and then promptly to forget it again: and above all, to apply the same process to the process itself... That was the ultimate subtlety: consciously to induce unconsciousness... ** [[George Orwell]], ''[[Nineteen Eighty-Four]]'' (1949), Chapter III. *[D]emocracy is something that if you're going to be really up-to-date, you just can't do without–like a compact-disc player. ** [[P. J. O'Rourke]], [https://books.google.com/books?id=8ELEochuwQkC&pg=PA45 ''Holidays in Hell: In Which Our Intrepid Reporter Travels to the World's Worst Places and Asks, "What's Funny About This?"''] (1988), New York: Grove Press. p. 48 * '''Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race. All through history mankind has been bullied by scum.''' Those who lord it over their fellows and toss commands in every direction and would boss the grass in the meadows about which way to bend in the wind are the most depraved kind of prostitutes. They will submit to any indignity, perform any vile act, do anything to achieve power. The worst off-sloughings of the planet are the ingredients of [[sovereignty]]. '''Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.''' ** [[P. J. O'Rourke]], in ''[[w:Parliament of Whores|Parliament of Whores]]'' (1991) *Much popular belief about the war is illusion. Take, for example, the view that the war represented the triumph of democracy over tyranny. In reality democracy was narrowly confined in 1939 - to [[United Kingdom|Britain]], [[France]], the [[United States]], and a handful of smaller [[Europe|European]] and [[British Empire|British Commonwealth]] states - and was even more restricted once the conflict got under way. Far from being a war fought by a democratic world to bring errant [[Dictatorship|dictators]] to heel, the war was about the very survival of democracy in its besieged heartlands. Victory in 1945 made democracy more secure in western Europe, America and the British Dominions, but outside these regions this form of government has had at best a chequered career in the half-century since the defeat of the Axis. **[[Richard Overy]], ''Why the Allies Won'' (1995), pp. 2-3 ==P== [[File:Thomas paine statue.jpg|thumb|right|The right of voting for representatives is the primary right by which other rights are protected. To take away this right is to reduce a man to slavery, for slavery consists in being subject to the will of another, and he that has not a vote in the election of representatives is in this case. ~ [[Thomas Paine]] ]] [[File:Plato-raphael.jpg|thumb|Democracy … dispenses equality to equals and unequaled alike. ~ [[Plato]] ]] [[File:Castle Romeo.jpg|thumb|One of the insidious facts about totalitarianism is its seeming "efficiency." …Democracy — with all of its inefficiency — is still the best system we have so far for enhancing the prospects of our mutual survival. ~ [[Neil Postman]] ]] * When citizens are relatively equal, politics has tended to be fairly democratic. When a few individuals hold enormous amounts of wealth, democracy suffers. The reason for this pattern is simple. Through campaign contributions, lobbying, influence over public discourse, and other means, wealth can be translated into political power. When wealth is highly concentrated—that is, when a few individuals have enormous amounts of money—political power tends to be highly concentrated, too. The wealthy few tend to rule. Average citizens lose political power. Democracy declines. ** [[Benjamin I. Page]] and Martin Gilens, ''Democracy in America?: What Has Gone Wrong and What We Can Do About It'' ([[w:University of Chicago Press|University of Chicago Press]]: 2017), p. 19 * Average Americans have little or no influence over the making of U.S. government policy. ... Wealthy Americans wield a lot of influence. By investing money in politics, they can turn economic power into political power. ** [[Benjamin I. Page]] and Martin Gilens, ''Democracy in America?: What Has Gone Wrong and What We Can Do About It'' ([[w:University of Chicago Press|University of Chicago Press]]: 2017), p. 90 * What's happened recently in Pakistan, India and Kuwait only goes to show that it's futile to imitate Western democracy. They've ended up exactly where they started. **[[Muhammad Reza Pahlavi]], as quoted in Alam, Asadollah (1991), ''The Shah and I'', I. B. Tauris, page 506 * '''The right of voting for representatives is the primary right by which other rights are protected. To take away this right is to reduce a man to slavery, for slavery consists in being subject to the will of another, and he that has not a vote in the election of representatives is in this case.''' ** [[Thomas Paine]], "Dissertation on First Principles of Government" (1795), republished in Moncure D. Conway, ed., ''The Writings of Thomas Paine'', vol. 3 (1895), p. 267. * The practice of democracy has the notorious tendency to become [[paradoxical]]. It begins in the name of the "[[w:Deme|demos]]" but goes on to construct the demos rather narrowly; oftentimes, sections of the population manage to ensconce themselves as "the people", they count as the public, their ideas masquerade as the [[Public opinion|people's ideas]]. This inevitably produces a layered citizenry. Democracy also starts off by investing agency in the individuals but sooner or later divests them of that agency as interference by the ignorant. Democracy inspires ideas of [[rights]] but allows the taming of rights for purposes of order. In short, it is these tensions between the [[elite]] and the [[masses]], between active citizens and [[obedient]] citizens, between rights and order, that mark the life of democracies. This is not merely about the distance between theory and practice, between concept and its concrete life. It is about imagining that the course of democracy is predetermined. '''Democratic politics needs to be carved out with effort, rather than believing that adopting formal democracy automatically ensures vibrant democratic practice.''' ** [[Suhas Palshikar]], ''[https://indianexpress.com/article/opinion/columns/george-floyd-migrant-workers-suffering-outrage-over-injustice-6452914/ Will there be a George Floyd moment in India’s public life?]'' (June 11, 2020), ''{{w|The Indian Express}}'' * Never be deceived that the rich will allow you to vote away their wealth. ** [[Lucy Parsons]], ''Lucy Parsons: Freedom, Equality & Solidarity - Writings & Speeches, 1878-1937'' * Democracy is only a continually shifting aristocracy of money, impudence, animal energy and cunning, in which the best grub gets the best of the carrion; and the level to which it tends to bring all things is not a mountain tableland, as its promoters would have their victims think, but the unwholesome platitude of the fen and the morass, of which black envy would enjoy the malaria as long as all others share it. ** [[Coventry Patmore]], quoted by [[Erik von Kuehnelt-Leddihn]] in ''The Menace of the Herd'' (1943), p. 332 *In 1975 just 46 countries were considered to be electoral democracies; forty years later, according to The Global State of Democracy report 2017, the number had risen to 132, accounting for 68% of nations. The bulk of the increase occurred after 1989 following the collapse of the [[Soviet Union]] and what was to be the beginning of the global protest movement. While staging general elections every five years or so is an important step away from the autocratic alternative, unless democratic values are embraced and introduced, true democracy remains little more than a slogan, [[social injustice]] and suppression in various forms continue and concentrations of power persist.<BR>Although the number of electoral democracies continues to increase, throughout the world democracy is in crisis; governments have become increasingly partisan...Politicians are viewed...as ambitious, ideologically compromised men and women with little concern for the majority, who make policy based on self-interest... **[https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/05/03/the-growth-of-popular-democracy/''The Growth of Popular Democracy, CounterPunch,''Graham Peebles,] (3 May 2019) *Democracy has been hijacked by ‘the economy’ – twinned with capitalism and the ‘free market’, and corrupted thereby. Democracy is, or should be, a living organism, an evolving form that sets the parameters within which society functions, based on principles that are rooted in and cultivate expressions of unity and love. ...Within the evolving democratic environment the role of politicians as co-workers, as collaborators for the common good, becomes ever more important. They need to engage with activists, listen – not to the loudest flag-waving faction, not just to their own supporters, but to the broad consensus, and respond, and not, as has historically been the case, reluctantly and over decades, but swiftly and whole-heartedly. **[https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/05/03/the-growth-of-popular-democracy/''The Growth of Popular Democracy, CounterPunch,'' Graham Peebles,] (3 May 2019) *Democratic forms need to change, to be allowed to evolve – to be re-imagined. Crucially democracy needs to be unshackled from [[economics]] and the socio-economic system reexamined in light of the growing demands for [[social justice]], [[Environmentalism|environmental action]] and [[freedom]]. The principle of sharing is a core democratic ideal that, if incorporated into all areas of life, would allow democratic values to be made manifest: students sharing in the organization of schools and the design of curricula; employees sharing in the management and standards of businesses; sharing animating the [[Economic system|socio-economic systems]] under which we all live and coloring geo-political decisions. [[Sharing]], [[responsibility]] and participation are interrelated; they sit together and reinforce one another. An unstoppable movement of change is being created by the growing inculcation and expression of these democratic principles; a momentum that may just be strong enough to save the planet and usher in a new and just way of living. **[https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/05/03/the-growth-of-popular-democracy/''The Growth of Popular Democracy, CounterPunch,'' Graham Peebles,] (3 May 2019) * We have really put the duh in democracy, creating a perverse equality that entitles everyone to speak to every issue, regardless of how much they know about it. ** [[w:Laura Penny|Laura Penny]], More Money Than Brains, p. 13 * Many of our moral and political policies are designed to preempt what we know to be the worst features of [[human nature]]. The ''[[Separation of powers|checks and balances in a democracy]]'', for instance, were invented in explicit recognition of the fact that human leaders will always be tempted to arrogate power to themselves. Likewise, our [[Anti-racism|sensitivity to racism]] comes from an awareness that groups of humans, left to their own devices, are apt to [[Discrimination|discriminate]] and [[Oppression|oppress]] other groups, often in ugly ways. History also tells us that a desire to enforce [[dogma]] and suppress [[Heresy|heretics]] is a recurring human weakness, one that has led to recurring waves of gruesome oppression and violence. A recognition that there is a bit of [[w:Tomas de Torquemada|Torquemada]] in everyone should make us wary of any attempt to enforce a consensus or demonize those who challenge it. ** [[Steven Pinker]], introduction to ''What is Your Dangerous Idea?'' (2007) ed. John Brockman, p. xxxi * A charming form of government, full of variety and disorder, and dispensing a sort of equality to equals and unequaled alike. ** [[Plato]], describing democracy, ''Republic'' (558c) * "Say then, my friend, in what manner does [[tyranny]] arise?—that it has democratic origin is evident." : "Clearly." : "And does not tyranny spring from democracy in the same manner as democracy from [[oligarchy]]—I mean, after a sort?" :* Plato, ''Republic'', Book VIII, trans. by Benjamin Jowett * '''One of the insidious facts about totalitarianism is its seeming "efficiency." …Democracy — with all of its inefficiency — is still the best system we have so far for enhancing the prospects of our mutual survival.''' ** [[Neil Postman]], ''Teaching as a Subversive Activity'' (1969) * Money, money, always money — that is the essence of democracy. Democracy is more expensive than monarchy; it is incompatible with liberty. ** [[Pierre-Joseph Proudhon]] in ''Solution Du Problême Social'', quoted by [[Erik von Kuehnelt-Leddihn]] in ''The Menace of the Herd'' (1943), p. 328 * '''Without promoting [[fraternity]], our [[democracy]] cannot survive. And the dangerous demonisation of [[minorities]] has to be countered, as it is this hate which gets transformed into intense [[violence]].''' ** [[Ram Puniyani]], ''[https://www.newsclick.in/Combating-Hate-Building-Bridges-Love-Indian-Democracy-Covid-19 Combating Hate: Building Bridges of Love]'', 14 May 2020, ''NewsClick'' ==Q== ==R== [[File:FDR in 1933.jpg|thumb|A democracy should seek peace through a new unity. For a democracy can keep alive only if the settlement of old difficulties clears the ground and transfers energies to face new responsibilities. ~ [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]] ]] [[File:2014 Hong Kong protests (15464764657).jpg|thumb|From [[Machiavelli]] to the present, thinkers have distinguished between the adept elite and the incompetent many. We may think that anyone who draws such a distinction and in such terms can be no friend to democracy; that is not true. ~ [[Alan Ryan]]]] * The other day, someone told me the difference between a democracy and a people's democracy. It's the same difference between a jacket and a straitjacket. ** [[Ronald Reagan]], Remarks at Human Rights Day event (10 December 1986) * It is much to be feared that the last expression of democracy may be a social state with a degenerate populace having no other aim than to indulge in the ignoble appetites of the vulgar. ** [[Ernest Renan]], cited in [[Eric Hoffer]], ''Between the Devil and the Dragon'' (New York: 1982), p. 111 *What is the story of democracy in our time? Not long ago the Western formula of democracy and [[Free market|free markets]] seemed unassailable. When the [[Cold War]] ended in 1989, the new “great game” played by [[Diplomacy|diplomats]], [[politicians]], and [[intellectuals]] alike became to promote and report on the further spread of democracy about the globe. The tendency was to assume that democracy was working well still at home. The [[War on Terror|war on terror]] and the [[Financial crisis of 2007–08|financial crisis]] have more recently framed those assumptions in a less comfortable light. By the time of the uprisings that swept across the [[w:Arab world|Arab world]] in 2011, the dimming status of the [[Liberal democracy|liberal democratic]] formula was clear. Whatever was being demanded on the streets of [[w:Cairo|Cairo]] it was not Western-style liberal democracy. Nor was a liberal democratic form of government any longer something that could be “built” on behalf of these nations, as the [[United States]] had attempted in the previous decade in [[Iraq]]. In the aftermath of 2011, as [[Syria]] imploded and [[Islamic State]] dug in its bloodied claws, the former call to democratic arms of the pundits in [[Washington, D.C.|Washington]] was replaced by a faint piccolo whistling about “democracy in retreat.” From the point of view of the West it was not long before the high drama of the [[Arab Spring]] was drowned out by a pervasive and growing cacophony of [[discontent]] at home. The former narrative of democracy’s historical spread has now been firmly replaced by one of its crisis and decline. “Never has there been such a thin line between a positive outlook for democracy and the chance that it might go off the rails,” wrote the French historian [[w:Pierre Rosanvallon|Pierre Rosanvallon]] in 2008. “What’s gone wrong with democracy?” asked [[London]]’s [[The Economist|''The Economist'']] a few years later in 2014. Neither were looking across the [[w:Mediterranean Sea|Mediterranean]] to [[Tunisia]] or [[w:Algeria|Algeria]], but home to the disaffected ''banlieus'' of [[Paris]], to the [[United States Congress|US Congress]] and the [[European Union]]. The concerns over 4 million [[United Kingdom|British]] voters, who in 2016 signed a petition demanding repeal of the [[wikipedia:2016 United Kingdom European Union membership referendum|country’s recent referendum]] on “[[Brexit]],” or of those dumbfounded by the [[w:2016 United States presidential election|election]] of [[Donald J. Trump]] to [[w:The White House|the White House]] later the same year, revealed that sense of [[anxiety]] to be spreading. “Democracy has survived the twentieth century by the skin of its teeth,” observed [[Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr.|Arthur Schlesinger Jr.]] presciently at the end of the millennium. “It will not enjoy a free ride through [[21st century|the century to come]].” In recent years Western democracy has indeed come under threat; the basic right of [[citizens]] to [[w:Habeas corpus|habeas corpus]] has been pared back after centuries of struggle to flesh it out. [[Distrust]] in [[politics]] has grown. Foreign government have been shown to have interfered in national [[elections]]. [[Civil rights|Civil liberties]], including the [[right to privacy]] in the home, have been openly infringed. The growing power of [[Lobbying|political lobbies]] has given moneyed interests undue influence over policymaking, and has endowed a new class of [[politician]] with the ability not only to fundamentally misunderstand their constituents but to be rewarded for this. [[Economic inequality|Socioeconomic inequality]], which for much of the [[Aftermath of World War II|postwar era]] had been warded off by the [[welfare state]], has returned. **Simon Reid-Henry, ''Empire of Democracy: The Remaking of the West Since the Cold War, 1971-2017'' (2019), pp. 1-2 *[[Democracy]] is fragile. You have to fight for every bit, every law, every safeguard, every institution, every story. You must know how dangerous it is to suffer even the tiniest cut. This is why I say to us all: we must hold the line. **[[Maria Ressa]] ''How to Stand Up to a Dictator'' (2022) *We should stop pretending that the US is a functioning democracy; [[W:Citizens United|Citizens United]] proves we are not—when the courts grant citizenship powers to corporations, money and greed become the nation’s lifeblood, not the will of the people. The American people have allowed themselves to be dumbed down to the point that their opinions are easily manipulated by corporate-owned and controlled [[mainstream media]]. The inability to function as a viable component of government has resulted in the “people” fracturing into competing ideological and socio-economic fiefdoms. American democracy is little more than feudalistic plutocracy. It’s an unsustainable model doomed to collapse in on itself. **[[Scott Ritter]] as quoted in [https://dissidentvoice.org/2022/02/personal-interview-scott-ritter/ What Are The Prospects For Peace? by John Rachel, ''Dissident Voice''] / February 24th, 2022 * Democracy has, broadly, shifted from a flat-rate one-person-one-vote model to a corporate, buy-as-many-votes-as-you-like model. ** [[Adam Roberts]], ''Trademark Bugs: A Legal History,'' in ''Reach for Infinity'' (2014) edited by [[w:Jonathan Strahan|Jonathan Strahan]], and published by Solaris {{ISBN|978-1-78108-203-4}}, p. 195 * Democracy has turned out to be not majority rule but rule by well-organized and well-connected minority groups who steal from the majority. **[[Lew Rockwell|Llewellyn Rockwell, Jr.]], in [http://mises.org/freemarket_detail.aspx?control=366 "Why Hate Monarchs?" in ''The Free Market'' Vol. 19, No. 8 (August 2001)] * But [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]] also understood that after such a decision, '''a democracy should seek peace through a new unity. For a democracy can keep alive only if the settlement of old difficulties clears the ground and transfers energies to face new responsibilities.''' Never can it have as much ability and purpose as it needs in that striving; the end of battle does not end the infinity of those needs. That is why Lincoln—commander of a people as well as of an army—asked that his battle end "with malice toward none, with charity for all." ** [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]], [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=15669&st=&st1= Franklin D. Roosevelt: "Address at the Dedication of the Memorial on the Gettysburg Battlefield, Gettysburg, Pennsylvania" (3 July 1938)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woollsey --> * Citizens of a [[w:Jeffersonian democracy|Jeffersonian democracy]] can be as religious or irreligious as they please as long as they are not “fanatical.” That is, they must abandon or modify opinion on matters of ultimate importance, the opinions that may hitherto have given sense and point to their lives, if these opinions entail public actions that cannot be justified to most of their fellow citizens. ** [[Richard Rorty]], “The Priority of Democracy to Philosophy,” ''Objectivity, Relativism and Truth'' (Cambridge: 1991), p. 175 *Human freedom and true democracy are identical. **[[Ernestine Rose]] [https://speakingwhilefemale.co/anti-slavery-rose/ "The Necessity for the Utter Extinction of Slavery"] (May 14, 1863) * Before [[Iraq War|Washington’s illegal invasion of Iraq]], a [[w:Gallup (company)|Gallup International poll]] showed that in no [[European]] country was the support for a unilateral war higher than 11 percent. On February 15, 2003, weeks before the invasion, more than ten million people marched against the war on different continents, including [[North America]]. And yet the governments of many supposedly democratic countries still went to war. '''The question is: is “democracy” still democratic? Are democratic governments accountable to the people who elected them?''' ** [[Arundhati Roy]]: [https://www.democracynow.org/2004/8/23/public_power_in_the_age_of ''Tide? Or Ivory Snow? Public Power in the Age of Empire, Speech, San Francisco, California''] (16 August 2004) * Democracy is the great love of the failures and cowards of life. ** [[Rousas John Rushdoony|R. J. Rushdoony]], ''Thy Kingdom Come'' (1970) * One faith, one law and one standard of justice did not mean democracy. The heresy of democracy has since then worked havoc in church and state, and it has worked towards reducing society to anarchy. ** [[Rousas John Rushdoony|R. J. Rushdoony]] , ''The Institutes of Biblical Law'' (1973), as quoted in '' The Secrets of the Kingdom: Religion and Concealment in the Bush Administration''(2007) by Hugh B. Urban, p. 39 * Envy is the basis of democracy. ** [[Bertrand Russell]], ''[[The Conquest of Happiness]]'' (1930), Ch. VI * A fanatical belief in democracy makes democratic institutions impossible. ** [[Bertrand Russell]], ''[[Unpopular Essays]]'' (1950), Ch. 1: Philosophy and Politics, p. 15 * Democracy is the process by which people choose the man who'll get the blame. ** [[Bertrand Russell]], as quoted in Geary's ''Guide to the World's Great Aphorists'' (2007), p. 346 * There was autocracy in political life, and it was superseded by democracy. So surely will democratic power wrest from you the control of industry. The fate of you, the aristocracy of industry, will be as the fate of the aristocracy of land if you do not now show that you have some humanity still among you. Humanity abhors, above all things, a vacuum in itself, and your class will be cut off from humanity as the surgeon cuts the cancer and alien growth from the body. Be warned ere it is too late. ** [[George William Russell]], "Open Letter to the Masters of Dublin" (1913) * From [[Machiavelli]] to the present, thinkers have distinguished between the adept elite and the incompetent many. We may think that anyone who draws such a distinction and in such terms can be no friend to democracy; that is not true. ** [[Alan Ryan]], ''On Politics: A History of Political Thought: From Herodotus to the Present'' (2012), Introduction: Thinking about Politics * We are very attached to describing ourselves as the [[Greeks]] described themselves; try persuading a friend that the United States is not really a democracy. But it is not clear that their ideals, and ambitions, and the assumptions embodied in that vocabulary, or the views on the best way to govern ourselves of those who created that vocabulary, make much sense in a world as different as ours. ** [[Alan Ryan]], ''On Politics: A History of Political Thought: From Herodotus to the Present'' (2012), Ch. 1 : Why Herodotus? ==S== [[File:George Bernard Shaw-TIME-1923.jpg|thumb|If Despotism failed only for want of a capable benevolent despot, what chance has Democracy, which requires a whole population of capable voters? ~ [[George Bernard Shaw]]]] [[File:DavidSouter.jpg|thumb|Democracy works only if the people have faith in those who govern, and that faith is bound to be shattered when high officials and their appointees engage in activities which arouse suspicions of malfeasance and corruption. ~ [[David Souter]] ]] [[File:Goe Platz der Synagoge Detail 2 noCA.jpg|thumb|Democracy, in a word, is meant to be an aristocracy which has broadened into a universal aristocracy. … Liberal education is the ladder by which we try to ascend from mass democracy to democracy as originally meant. ~ [[Leo Strauss]] ]] [[File:Gertrude Stein on Time magazine 1933.jpg|thumb|But now well democracy has shown us that what is evil are the grosses têtes, the big heads, all big heads are greedy for money and power, they are ambitious that is the reason they are big heads and so they are at the head of the government and the result is misery for the people. They talk about cutting off the heads of the grosses têtes but now we know that there will be other grosses têtes and they will be all the same. ~ [[Gertrude Stein]]]] * Everything is discussed in this world, except for one thing: democracy. Democracy is not discussed. Democracy is there, as a kind of saint, from whom no miracles are expected, but that is there as a reference: "the democracy"; and we don’t notice that the democracy in which we live in is a kidnapped, conditioned and amputated one, because the power of the citizen, the power of each one of us, is limited, in the political sphere, I repeat, in the political sphere, to removing a government that we don’t like and replacing it by another one that we might come to like. Nothing else. But the important decisions are made in another sphere, and we all know which one it is. The great international financial organizations, the [[International Monetary Fund|IMFs]], the [[World Trade Organization|World Trade Organizations]], the [[World Bank|World Banks]], the [[w:OECD|OECD]], all of these... None of these institutions is democratic, so how can we continue to talk about democracy, if those who actually govern the world are not democratically elected by the people? Who chooses the countries' representatives in those institutions? Their respective peoples? No. '''So where is the democracy?''' ** [[w:José Saramago|José Saramago]], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aWFQRcdChk Conference] at Fórum Social Mundial (December 2007) * Democracy has no place for the kind of justice implied in an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Democracy is a system for the resolution of [[conflict]], not for [[Revenge|vengeance]]. Simple black-white notions of right and wrong do not fit into democratic politics. Political controversies result from the fact that the issues are complex, and men may properly have differences of opinion about them. The most terrible of all over-simplifications is the notion that politics is a contest between good people and bad people. Democracy is based on a profound insight into human nature, the realization that all men are sinful, all are imperfect, all are prejudiced, and none knows the whole truth. That is why we need liberty and why we have an obligation to hear all men. Liberty gives us a chance to learn from other people, to become aware of our own limitations, and to correct our bias. Even when we disagree with other people we like to think that they speak from good motives, and while we realize that all men are limited, we do not let ourselves imagine that any man is bad. '''Democracy is a political system for people who are not sure that they are right.''' ** [[Elmer Eric Schattschneider]], ''Two Hundred Million Americans in Search of a Government'' (1969), p. 53 * Democracies have no business running secret prisons. That's what our enemies do. ''[…]'' As Americans, we do believe our system offers a better way. But the only way to convince others of that is if we live by our values. Real security begins with remembering who we are. We gain nothing by adopting the methods of our enemies. **[[w:Bob Schieffer|Bob Schieffer]], "Free Speech", ''The CBS Evening News'', [[14 September]] [[2006]] * Democracies owe their existence to national loyalties — the loyalties that are supposedly shared by government and opposition, by all political parties, and by the electorate as a whole. Wherever the experience of nationality is weak or non-existent, democracy has failed to take root. For without national loyalty, opposition is a threat to government, and political disagreements create no common ground. ** [[Roger Scruton]], ''England and the Need for Nations'' (2006) * '''Democracy, [[republic]]s: What do these words signify?''' What have they changed in the world? Have men become better, more loyal, kinder? Are the people happier? '''All goes on as before, as always. Illusions, illusions.''' Besides, one should consider the interest of a nation before subverting it with words. Democracy is necessary in some cases and we believe some African peoples might adopt it. But in other cases it is harmful, a mistake. ** [[Haile Selassie]], Interview with [[Oriana Fallaci]] in ''The Chicago Tribune'' (24 June 1973) * Democracy is best seen as the opportunity of participatory reasoning and public decision making - as "government by discussion". Voting and balloting are, in this perspective, just part of a much larger story. The ancestry of democracy goes much beyond the strictly confined history of some narrowly designated practices. Tribute must, of course, be paid to the powerful role that modern western thinking, linked with [[Age of Enlightenment|European enlightenment]], played in the development of liberal and democratic ideas. But the roots of these general ideas can be found in [[Asia]] and [[Africa]] as well as in [[Europe]] and [[Americas|America]]. ** [[Amartya Sen]], "The Diverse Ancestry of Democracy", ''The Financial Times'' (June 13, 2005) * The requirements of democracy include the development of opportunities for participatory public reasoning, not least in [[Iraq]]. This calls for the promotion of civil rights, including freedom from arbitrary arrest (and, of course, from torture), facilities for public gathering and fuller media freedom. It is important to assist, rather than hinder, the development of non-sectarian identities of women and men, and restoration of the self-respect of Iraqis as Iraqis. The first step is to have a clearer understanding of the nature of government by discussion. ** [[Amartya Sen]], "The Diverse Ancestry of Democracy", ''The Financial Times'' (June 13, 2005) * Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. ** [[George Bernard Shaw]], cited in ''The Last Word'', p. 223 * If [[Tyranny|Despotism]] failed only for want of a capable benevolent despot, what chance has Democracy, which requires a whole population of capable voters? ** [[George Bernard Shaw]], ''Man and Superman'' (1903), Epistle Dedicatory * '''"Democracy works "only if the people have faith in those who govern, and that faith is bound to be shattered when high officials and their appointees engage in activities which arouse suspicions of malfeasance and corruption."''' ''United States v. Mississippi Valley Generating Co.'', 364 U. S. 520, 562 (1961). ** [[David Souter]], Opinion of the Court, ''[[w:Nixon v. Shrink Missouri Government PAC|Nixon v. Shrink Missouri Government PAC]]'', 528 U.S. 377 (2000). *Democracy is a procedure to change rulers. To qualify democracy with an adjective–"people's democracy" during [[communism]], "sovereign democracy" thereafter–means eliminating that procedure. **[[Timothy D. Snyder|Timothy Snyder]], ''The Road to Unfreedom'', p. 47 * If by "democracy" we mean the form which the [[w:What Is the Third Estate?|Third Estate]] as such wishes to impart to public life as a whole, it must be concluded that '''democracy and [[plutocracy]] are the same thing''' under the two aspects of wish and actuality, theory and practice, knowing and doing. It is the tragic comedy of the world&#8209;improvers' and freedom&#8209;teachers' desperate fight against money that they are <i>ipso facto</i> assisting money to be effective. Respect for the big number—expressed in the principles of equality for all, [[natural rights]], and [[universal suffrage]]—is just as much a class&#8209;ideal of the unclassed as freedom of public opinion (and more particularly [[freedom of the press]]) is so. These are ideals, but in actuality the freedom of public opinion involves the preparation of [[public opinion]], which costs money; and the freedom of the press brings with it the question of possession of the press, which again is a matter of money; and with the franchise comes electioneering, in which '''he who pays the piper calls the tune'''. The representatives of the ideas look at one side only, while the representatives of money operate with the other. The concepts of Liberalism and [[Socialism]] are set in effective motion only by money. … There is no [[Proletariat|proletarian]], not even a [[Communism|Communist]] movement, that has not operated in the interests of money, and for the time being permitted by money—and that without the [[Idealism|idealists]] among its leaders having the slightest suspicion of the fact. :* [[Oswald Spengler]], ''The Decline of the West''. Vol. II, Alfred A. Knopf, 1928, pp. [https://archive.org/stream/Decline-Of-The-West-Oswald-Spengler/Decline_Of_The_West#page/n871/mode/2up 401–02] * To-day we live so cowed under the bombardment of this intellectual artillery that hardly anyone can attain to the inward detachment that is required for a clear view of the monstrous drama. The will-to-power operating under a pure democratic disguise has finished off its masterpiece so well that the object's sense of freedom is actually flattered by the most thorough-going enslavement that has ever existed. :* [[Oswald Spengler]], ''The Decline of the West''. Vol. II, Alfred A. Knopf, 1928, [https://archive.org/stream/Decline-Of-The-West-Oswald-Spengler/Decline_Of_The_West#page/n931/mode/2up p. 461] * Together, the [[Right to property|property rights]] and public choice schools show only that, '''if you start by assuming a purely individualistic model of human behavior and treat politics as if it were a pale imitation of the market, democracy will, indeed, make no sense.''' ** [[w:Paul Starr|Paul Starr]], "The Meaning Of Privatization" ,Yale Law and Policy Review 6 (1988) * But now well democracy has shown us that what is evil are the grosses têtes, the big heads, all big heads are greedy for money and power, they are ambitious that is the reason they are big heads and so they are at the head of the government and the result is misery for the people. They talk about cutting off the heads of the grosses têtes but now we know that there will be other grosses têtes and they will be all the same. **[[Gertrude Stein]], in ''Paris France'' (1940), p. 28 *Corporate ‘domination’ of electioneering can generate the impression that corporations dominate our democracy. When citizens turn on their [[Television|televisions]] and [[Radio|radios]] before an election and hear only corporate electioneering, they may lose faith in their capacity, as citizens, to influence public policy. A Government captured by corporate interests, they may come to believe, will be neither responsive to their needs nor willing to give their views a fair hearing. The predictable result is cynicism and disenchantment: an increased perception that large spenders ‘call the tune’ and a reduced ‘willingness of voters to take part in democratic governance.’ To the extent that corporations are allowed to exert undue influence in electoral races, the speech of the eventual winners of those races may also be chilled.<BR>Politicians who fear that a certain corporation can make or break their reelection chances may be cowed into silence about that corporation.<BR>On a variety of levels, unregulated corporate electioneering might diminish the ability of citizens to ‘hold officials accountable to the people,’ and disserve the goal of a public debate that is ‘uninhibited, robust, and wide-open.’ **U.S. Supreme Court Justice [[John Paul Stevens|John Paul Stevens]], quoted by [[Thom Hartmann]] in [https://www.counterpunch.org/2021/10/14/krysten-sinema-is-the-epitome-of-political-corruption/ Krysten Sinema is the Epitome of Political Corruption, Thom Hartmann,] ''CounterPunch'', October 14, 2021 * Democracies are often run by ethnically based groups prepared to do terrible things to other ethnic groups... or they can be very corrupt, dominated by elites... Capitalist, democratic states put the emphasis on the private sector, which doesn't always deliver on social goods. The free press is good on major disasters like classic famines, but it tolerates chronic hunger as much as anyone else. **[[w:Frances Stewart|Frances Stewart]], quoted in {{cite news |publisher=New York Times |title=Does Democracy Avert Famine? |date=2003-03-01 |last=Massing |first=Michael}} * But our perfect democracy, which neither needs nor particularly wants voters, is a rarity. It is important to remember there still exist many other forms of government in the world today, and that dozens of foreign governments still long for a democracy such as ours to be imposed on them. **{{cite book| title=The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents America the Book: A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction| isbn=0446532681| year=2004| publisher=Warner Books, Incorporated| author=[[Jon Stewart]], et al}} * Plato would tell us, in that affectionate but non-sexual way of his, that "democracy" is a Greek word combining the roots for "people" ("demos-") and "rule" ("-kratia"). In Greek democracy, political power was concentrated not in the hands of one person, or even a small group of people, but rather evenly and fairly among all the people (free adult males), meaning every John Q. Publikopolous could play a role in Athenian government. **{{cite book |title=The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents America the Book: A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction |isbn=0446532681 |year=2004 |publisher=Warner Books, Incorporated |author=[[Jon Stewart]], et al}} * It was once said that democracy is the regime that stands or falls by virtue: a democracy is a regime in which all or most adults are men of virtue, and since virtue seems to require wisdom, a regime in which all or most adults are virtuous and wise, or the society in which all or most adults have developed their reason to a high degree, or the rational society. '''Democracy, in a word, is meant to be an aristocracy which has broadened into a universal aristocracy'''. …<br>There exists a whole science—the science which I among thousands of others profess to teach, political science—which so to speak has no other theme than the contrast between the original conception of democracy, or what one may call the ideal of democracy, and democracy as it is. …<br>Liberal education is the ladder by which we try to ascend from mass democracy to democracy as originally meant. ** [[Leo Strauss]], “What is liberal education,” ''Liberalism, Ancient and Modern'' (1968), pp. 4-5 * '''He who dreamed of democracy, far back in a world of [[absolutism]], was indeed [[Heroism|heroic]], and we of today awaken to the [[wonder]] of his [[dream]].''' ** [[Louis Sullivan]], in "Education" an address to the Architectural League of America, Toronto (1902), later published in ''Kindergarten Chats (revised 1918) and Other Writings'' (1947) * '''Even if we accept, as the basic tenet of true democracy, that one moron is equal to one [[genius]], is it [[Necessity|necessary]] to go a further step and hold that two morons are better than one genius?''' ** [[Leó Szilárd]], in ''The Voice of the Dolphins: And Other Stories'' (1961) ** Variant translation: '''I'm all in favor of the democratic principle that one [[idiot]] is as good as one genius, but I draw the line when someone takes the next step and concludes that two idiots are better than one genius.''' *** As quoted in "Some Szilardisms on War, Fame, Peace", ''LIFE‎'' magazine, Vol. 51, no. 9 (1 September 1961), p. 79 ==T== [[File:Truman_desk.jpg|thumb|No [[government]] is [[perfect]]. One of the chief [[virtues]] of a [[democracy]], however, is that its defects are always visible and under democratic processes can be pointed out and corrected. ~ [[Harry S. Truman]] ]] * This is supposed to be a participatory democracy and if we're not in there participating then the people that will manipulate and exploit the system will step in there. So I've been a political activist all my life and I think in a large measure it's because of the [[w:Internment of Japanese Americans|internment]] that we experienced 50 years ago. ** [[George Takei]] interview, November 21, 1994 at 8:30pm eastern, conducted by Peter Anthony Holder, the evening talk show host on CJAD [http://peteranthonyholder.com/cjad07.htm] * The conception of man as a product of economics is the essence of the philosophy of Communism. The conception of man as a biological product, his destiny entirely determined by his racial chromosomes, is the essence of Nazism. The conception of man as a child of God—that is to say, as a soul capable or reason, capable of developing and perfecting himself in the image of the ideal—is the basis of democracy. ** [[Dorothy Thompson]], ''Let The Record Speak'', Boston: MA, Houghton Mifflin Company (1939) p. 278 *The moral empire of the majority is founded in part of the idea that there is more enlightenment and wisdom in many men united than in one alone, in the number of legislators than in their choice. It is the theory of equality applied to intellects. **[[Alexis de Tocqueville]], in ''Democracy in America'', as translated by [[w:Harvey Mansfield|Harvey Mansfield]] (2000), p. 236 *The most opulent citizens of a democracy will not show tastes very different from those of the people, whether having come from within the people, they really share them, or whether they believe they ought to submit to them. **[[Alexis de Tocqueville]], in ''Democracy in America'', as translated by [[w:Harvey Mansfield|Harvey Mansfield]] (2000), p. 509 * The public, therefore, among a democratic people, has a singular power, which aristocratic nations cannot conceive; for it does not persuade others to its beliefs, but it imposes them and makes them permeate the thinking of everyone by a sort of enormous pressure of the mind of all upon the individual intelligence. In the United States the majority undertakes to supply a multitude of ready-made opinions for the use of individuals, who are thus relieved from the necessity of forming opinions of their own. Everybody there adopts great numbers of theories, on philosophy, morals, and politics, without inquiry, upon public trust; and if we examine it very closely, it will be perceived that religion itself holds sway there much less as a doctrine of revelation than as a commonly received opinion. ** [[Alexis de Tocqueville]], ''Democracy in America'', Volume 2, Book 1, Chapter 2, J. Spencer, trans. * No government is perfect. One of the chief virtues of a democracy, however, is that its defects are always visible and under democratic processes can be pointed out and corrected. ** [[Harry S. Truman]], [[s:Truman Doctrine|Speech to a joint session of the US Congress (12 March 1947)]], outlining what became known as [[w:Truman Doctrine|The Truman Doctrine]] * It is not, perhaps, unreasonable to conclude, that a pure and perfect democracy is a thing not attainable by man, constituted as he is of contending elements of vice and virtue, and ever mainly influenced by the predominant principle of self-interest. It may, indeed, be confidently asserted, that there never was that government called a republic, which was not ultimately ruled by a single will, and, therefore, (however bold may seem the paradox,) virtually and substantially a monarchy. **[[Alexander Fraser Tytler]], ''Universal History: From the Creation of the World to the Beginning of the Eighteenth Century, Vol. I'' (1854), Book II, Chapter 6, p. 216. * A Democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of Government. It can only exist until the voters discover they can vote themselves largess out of the public treasury. From that moment on the majority always votes for the candidate promising the most benefits from the public treasury with the result that Democracy always collapses over a loose fiscal policy, always to be followed by a Dictatorship and a Monarchy. **[[Alexander Fraser Tytler]], as attributed in [https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=DAfoAAAAMAAJ ''Michigan Courthouse Review''] vols. 10–11, 1951 ==U== ==V== *It's carrying democracy too far if you don't know the result of the vote before the meeting. ** {{w|Eric Varley}}, UK Secretary of State for Industry in the 1970s. **{{cite book |title=The Pact: The inside story of the Lib-Lab government, 1977-8 |isbn=0 7043 2193 9 |year=1978 |publisher=Quarter Books |author=Alistair Michie and Simon Hoggart |pages=p. 13}} * Apparently, a democracy is a place where numerous elections are held at great cost without issues and with interchangeable candidates. ** [[Gore Vidal]], "Gods and Greens" (1989), in ''A View from the Diner's Club'' (1991). * In terms of marginal efforts to improve liberal democracy, perhaps one of the best things we can do to entrench better values in our institutions and in society at large is to promote sentiocracy — working to gradually increase the concern for and representation of non-human beings in the political process, and thus to make sentiocracy the future of democracy ... . ** [[Magnus Vinding]], ''Reasoned Politics'' (Ratio Ethica, 2022) ==W== [[File:2018 Women's March in Missoula, Montana 179.jpg|thumb|right|The right to vote freely for the candidate of one's choice is of the essence of a democratic society, and any restrictions on that right strike at the heart of representative government. [...] Undoubtedly, the right of suffrage is a fundamental in a free and democratic society. Especially since the right to exercise the franchise in a free and unimpaired manner is preservative of other basic civil and political rights. ~ [[Earl Warren]] ]] * Politically, they hail the blessings of democracy and never understand that through democracy we have gained control of their nation. Their book again teaches a benevolent despotic form of government in accordance with the laws of that book, while a democracy is a mob rule which we control through their Churches, our news media and economic institutions. ** Walter White, Jr., ''The Hidden Tyranny: The Issue That Dwarfs All Other Issues'' (1978) * '''The [[w:voting rights|right to vote]] freely for the candidate of one's choice is of the essence of a democratic society, and any restrictions on that right strike at the heart of representative government. And the right of suffrage can be denied by a debasement or dilution of the weight of a citizen's vote just as effectively as by wholly prohibiting the free exercise of the franchise. [...] Undoubtedly, the right of suffrage is a fundamental in a free and democratic society. Especially since the right to exercise the franchise in a free and unimpaired manner is preservative of other basic civil and political rights, any alleged infringement of the right of citizens to vote must be carefully and meticulously scrutinized.''' ** [[Earl Warren]], Majority opinion in ''[[w:Reynolds v. Sims|Reynolds v. Sims]]'', 377 U.S. 533 (1964) at 555 and 561-562 on the [[Suffrage|right to vote]] as the foundation of democracy. *In Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed, but they produced [[Michelangelo]], [[Leonardo da Vinci]] and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly [[love]]; they had 500 years of democracy and [[peace]] -- and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock. **[[Orson Welles]] as Harry Lime in [[The Third Man]], [[1949]] *Thunder on! Stride on! Democracy. Strike with vengeful strokes. **[[Walt Whitman]], ''Drum-Taps'', ''Rise O Days From Your Fathomless Deep'', No. 3 *As long as health ins & [[Pharmaceutical industry|Big Pharma]] determine so much health care policy, gun manufacturers so much [[w: Gun law in the United States|gun safety policy]], [[W:Petroleum in the United States|oil & gas companies]] so much [[w:Environmental policy of the United States|environmental policy]] & [[w:defense contractors|defense contractors]] so much defense policy, we’re functioning not as a democracy but as a [[corporate]] [[aristocracy]]. **[[Marianne Williamson]],[https://twitter.com/marwilliamson Twitter] (22 Oct 2019) *If believers feel that their faith is trivialized and their true selves compromised by a society that will not give religious imperatives special weight, their problem is not that secularists are antidemocratic but that democracy is antiabsolutist. **[[Ellen Willis]], [http://www.thenation.com/doc/20010219/willis "Freedom from Religion"], ''The Nation'' (February 19, 2001) * We rightly rejected the [[w:divine right of kings|divine right of kings]], but now too many of [[humans|us]] believe in a divine right of majorities and pluralities. We wrongly assume that no [[empathy]] is required for minority viewpoints, provided a [[vote]] was taken. <br /> But fundamental moral principles, like the Zero Aggression Principle, cannot be voted out of existence. **Perry Willis and Jim Babka, "[https://www.zeroaggressionproject.org/mental-lever/democracy/ How do libertarians view democracy?]," ''Zero Aggression Project'' (cited 20 July 2015) *But the right is more precious than peace, and we shall fight for the things which we have always carried nearest our hearts—for democracy, for the right of those who submit to authority to have a voice in their own Governments, for the rights and liberties of small nations, for a universal dominion of right by such a concert of free peoples as shall bring peace and safety to all nations and make the world itself at last free. **[[Woodrow Wilson]], address to Congress (2 April 1917) *I believe in Democracy because it releases the energies of every human being. **[[Woodrow Wilson]], at the Workingman's Dinner, New York (4 September 1912) *The world must be made safe for democracy. Its peace must be planted upon the tested foundations of political liberty. We have no selfish ends to serve. We desire no conquest, no dominion. We seek no indemnities for ourselves, no material compensation for the sacrifices we shall freely make. We are but one of the champions of the rights of mankind. We shall be satisfied when those rights have been made as secure as the faith and the freedom of nations can make them. **[[Woodrow Wilson]], address to the US Congress on war with Germany (2 April 1917) *It is doubtful that democracy could survive in a [[society]] organized on the principle of [[therapy]] rather than judgment, error rather than sin. If men are free and equal, they must be judged rather than hospitalized. **[[Francis D. Wormuth]], ''The Origins of Modern Constitutionalism'' (1949), p. 212 == X == * You and I have never seen democracy; all we’ve seen is hypocrisy. ... We haven’t benefited from America's democracy; we’ve only suffered from America’s hypocrisy. And the generation that’s coming up now can see it and are not afraid to say it. ** [[Malcolm X]], Speech in Detroit, Michigan (12 April 1964) == Y == *We don't appreciate what we have until it's gone. [[Freedom]] is like that. It's like air. When you have it, you don't notice it. **[[Boris Yeltsin]], as quoted in [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/0806524766 ''The 100 Greatest Heroes''], by H. Paul Jeffers, Citadel Press, p. 60 *the change is at hand-the old order is cracking. It has been said that 'the cure for democracy is more democracy' **''[[Art Young]]: His Life and Times'' (1939) *With more and more governments, however crude and experimental, dedicated to industrial democracy and universal brotherhood, the era of [[peace]] and [[joy]] in living will come on earth. **''[[Art Young]]: His Life and Times'' (1939) == Z == *We in the United States are still quite a long way from democracy and certainly a long way from economic democracy. Because of the control of the economy by corporations and the tax structure, which is set up by an unrepresentative Congress and approved by a president, a tax structure which has so far channeled the wealth of the country towards the richest one percent of the population. **[[Howard Zinn]] in [https://www.howardzinn.org/democracy-in-america-on-big-think/ ''What is the state of democracy in America?''] (5 July 2008) *Democracy cannot function with a systematically lied-to public. Nor can it function if the responsible governmental officials are effectively immune from prosecution for their ‘legal’ crimes, or if the financial string-pullers behind the scenes can safely pull those strings. In America right now, both of those conditions pertain, and, as a result, democracy is impossible. There are only two ways to address this problem, and one of them would start by prosecuting [[George W. Bush]].... UK’s Prime Minister [[Tony Blair]] should hang with the U.S. gang, but who is calling for this? How much longer will the necessary prosecutions wait? Till after these international war-criminals have all gone honored to their graves? **[https://ahtribune.com/world/north-africa-south-west-asia/iraq/4160-us-must-be-prosecuted.html Eric Zuesse, Why U.S. Must Be Prosecuted for Its War Crimes Against Iraq, ''American Herald Tribune''], (16 May 2020) ==Misattributed== {{Misattributed begin}} *Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote. *:Widely attributed to [[Benjamin Franklin]] on the internet, sometimes without the second sentence, it is not found in any of his known writings, and the word "lunch" is not known to have appeared anywhere in english literature until the 1820s, decades after his death. The phrasing itself has a very modern tone and the second sentence especially might not even be as old as the internet. Some of these observations are made in response to a query at [http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=389308 ''Google Answers'']. *:The quote in published form can be traced to an article that appeared in the Los Angeles Times on Nov. 25, 1990[http://articles.latimes.com/1990-11-25/opinion/op-7188_1_american-values]. “Democracy has been described as four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch” *:The quote appeared even earlier in a comment posted by Gary Strand within [https://groups.google.com/g/sci.environment/c/hos-RvIO1Mw/m/b3f0iWMcewUJ Google Groups] on April 23, 1990. “A democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.” *:In 1992, Marvin Simkin wrote in ''Los Angeles Times'', *::Democracy is not freedom. Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to eat for lunch. Freedom comes from the recognition of certain rights which may not be taken, not even by a 99% vote.[http://articles.latimes.com/1992-01-12/local/me-358_1_jail-tax-individual-rights-san-diego] *:A far rarer but somewhat more credible variation also occurs: "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for dinner." Web searches on these lines uncovers the earliest ''definite'' citations for such a statement credit libertarian author [[w:James Bovard|James Bovard]] with a similar one in the [http://www.giraffe.com/gr_wolves.html ''Sacramento Bee'' (1994)]: *:Historian Shelby Foote also used the term "Democracy is like two wolves and a lamb deciding on what they want for dinner" in Ken Burns 1990 Civil War documentary. *::"''Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.''" *::This statement also definitely occurs in the "Conclusion" (p. 333) of his book ''Lost Rights: The Destruction of American Liberty'' (1994) <small> {{ISBN|0312123337}} </small> *: Variants of this statement include that by [[Larry Flynt]], as quoted in "Flynt's revenge" by Carol Lloyd in ''Salon'' (23 February 1999): *::Majority rule will only work if you're considering individual rights. You can't have five wolves and one sheep vote on what they want to have for supper. {{Misattributed end}} == See also == {{col-begin}} {{col-2}} * [[Athenian democracy]] * [[Constitution]] * [[Deception]] * [[Direct democracy]] * [[Elections]] * [[Human rights]] * [[Government]] * [[Herd mentality]] * [[International Court of Justice]] * [[Justice]] * [[Law]] * [[Liberal democracy]] * [[Majority]] * [[Masses]] {{col-2}} * [[Mob]] * [[Ochlocracy]] * [[Oligarchy]] * [[Politics]] * [[Politicians]] * [[Public opinion]] * [[Rule of law]] * [[Social justice]] * [[Social democracy]] * [[Totalitarianism]] * [[Two-party system]] * [[Tyranny of the majority]] * [[United Nations]] {{col-end}} {{Social and political philosophy}} ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{wiktionary|democracy}} {{commonscat}} [[Category:Political ideologies]] [[Category:Democracy| ]] n0smlvtw6lcab9e11dshgmshbzikfc2 0 127759 3949285 3946596 2026-06-05T17:42:18Z Scartol 31396 /* Quotes */ add quote about humanity of the writer 3949285 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Ta-Nehisi Coates.jpg|thumb|H.R. 40... tries to get that figured out, and get that math figured out, and figure out the best way to do it. But if we don’t actually have a study, we can’t actually answer those questions. You can’t ask a doctor to make a diagnosis before there’s an actual examination.]] [[File:TaNehisi Coates BBF 2010 Shankbone.jpg|thumb|Now we have half-stepped away from our long centuries of despoilment, promising, “Never again.” But still we are haunted. It is as though we have run up a credit-card bill and, having pledged to charge no more, remain befuddled that the balance does not disappear.]] [[File:Ta-Nehisi Coates Speaking at the 2017 March on Washington Film Festival Washington (DC) July 2017.jpg|thumb|If I injure you, the injury persists even after I actually commit the act. If I stab you, you may suffer complications long after that initial actual stabbing. If I shoot you, you may suffer complications long after that initial shooting. That’s the case with African Americans. There are people well within the living memory of this country that are still suffering from the after-effects of that.]] '''[[w:Ta-Nehisi Coates|Ta-Nehisi Coates]]''' (born September 30, 1975) is a senior editor for ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' and a memoirist. He often writes about {{w|African-American history}}, gaming, and current events. ==Quotes== :<small>sorted chronologically</small> * I'm looking to avoid a subtly demeaning subtext which holds that reading, say, {{w|Jamaica Kincaid}} is something you ''should'' do--like flossing or taxes or laundry. I don't want to speak for women writers, but '''I recoil at the idea of someone reading my book because they really ''should'' read a black author or two. I don't want to be an icebreaker at your corporation's [[Kwanzaa]] gathering.''' ** [http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2011/06/the-damned-mob-of-scribbling-women/239882/ ''The Damned Mob of Scribbling Women, The Atlantic,''] (3 Jun 2011) * [M]y goal is to get kids to own their education. I don't think I can hector them into doing this. I don't think I can shame them into doing it. I do think that I might be able to affect some sort of internal motivation. So I try to get them to see that every subject they study has the potential to open up a universe. I really mean this. ** [https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2013/06/if-i-were-a-black-kid/276655/ ''If I Were a Black Kid: Advice for students in Baltimore County and Cambridge, Massachusetts, The Atlantic,''] (7 Jun 2013) *Weakness, misery, does not always elicit sympathy. Perhaps that is because the weakness reminds of what we we fear for ourselves. Or perhaps it reminds us of our own complicity in some broad crime, and more, our presumed helplessness for it to be any other way. ** [https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2013/10/notes-from-the-blue-period/280315/ ''Notes From the Blue Period, The Atlantic,''] (6 Oct 2013) * No other athlete in a major sport gives so much of his body and gets so little in return than the average player on a NFL team. ** [https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2013/11/richie-incognito-and-the-banality-of-supermacho/281203/ ''Richie Incognito and the Banality of Supermacho, The Atlantic,''] (6 Nov 2013) * Mr. [Clyde] Ross at that time, like most African Americans around the country, was unable to secure a loan, due to policies around redlining and deciding, you know, who deserved the loans and who doesn’t. '''There was a broad, broad consensus that African Americans, for no other reason besides blanket racism, could not be responsible homeowners.''' ** [https://www.democracynow.org/2014/5/29/the_case_for_reparations_ta_nehisi ''The Case for Reparations: Ta-Nehisi Coates on Reckoning with U.S. Slavery & Institutional Racism, Democracy Now!,''] Part 1, (29 May 2014) * When people wanted to criticize the [[w:Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act|Affordable Care Act]] they would often say “This is [[Reparations for slavery|reparations]]. This is reparations.” Liberals [were often saying (somewhat indistinct)] “No, no, no. This isn’t for black people. This will benefit everybody.” In a just world we would say “Yes. This does disproportionately benefit black people and that’s a very, very good thing because for most of our history we have disproportionately injured black people and our policy should be structured in such a way that take that into account. ** [https://www.democracynow.org/2014/5/30/part_2_ta_nehisi_coates_on ''Ta-Nehisi Coates on Segregation, Housing Discrimination and 'The Case for Reparations,' Democracy Now!''] Part 1, (May 30, 2014) * '''You''' actually '''can’t understand [[Wikiquote:Transwiki/American history quotes|American history]] without understanding [[Slavery in the United States|slavery]].''' ** ''Ibid.'' (May 30, 2014) Part 2, ''Democracy Now!'' * Having been enslaved for 250 years, black people were not left to their own devices. They were terrorized. In the Deep South, a second slavery ruled. In the North, legislatures, mayors, civic associations, banks, and citizens all colluded to pin black people into ghettos, where they were overcrowded, overcharged, and undereducated. Businesses discriminated against them, awarding them the worst jobs and the worst wages. Police brutalized them in the streets. And the notion that black lives, black bodies, and black wealth were rightful targets remained deeply rooted in the broader society. Now we have half-stepped away from our long centuries of despoilment, promising, “Never again.” But still we are haunted. It is as though we have run up a credit-card bill and, having pledged to charge no more, remain befuddled that the balance does not disappear. The effects of that balance, interest accruing daily, are all around us. ** "[https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/06/the-case-for-reparations/361631/ The Case for Reparations,]" ''The Atlantic'' (June 2014) * When nonviolence is preached as an attempt to evade the repercussions of political brutality, it betrays itself. When nonviolence begins halfway through the war with the aggressor calling time out, it exposes itself as a ruse. When nonviolence is preached by the representatives of the state, while the state doles out heaps of violence to its citizens, it reveals itself to be a con. And none of this can mean that rioting or violence is "correct" or "wise," any more than a forest fire can be "correct" or "wise." Wisdom isn't the point tonight. Disrespect is. In [[w:Killing of Freddie Gray|this case]], disrespect for the hollow law and failed order that so regularly disrespects the community. ** [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/04/nonviolence-as-compliance/391640/ ''Nonviolence as Compliance, The Atlantic,''] (27 April 2015) * <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[James Baldwin]] is] probably the biggest influence on me from a literary perspective. ** [https://www.democracynow.org/2015/7/22/between_the_world_and_me_ta "'Between the World and Me': Ta-Nehisi Coates Extended Interview on Being Black in America,"] ''Democracy Now!'' (July 22, 2015) * Racism isn’t just morally wrong, it makes for poor story-telling. ** [https://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2015/12/visions-of-a-wakandan-future/625492/ ''Wakanda and the Black Imagination, The Atlantic,''] (16 Dec 2015) *Sometimes the moral course lies within the politically possible, and sometimes the moral course lies outside of the politically possible. One of the great functions of radical candidates is to war against equivocators and opportunists who conflate these two things. Radicals expand the political imagination and, hopefully, prevent incrementalism from becoming a virtue. ** [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/01/bernie-sanders-reparations/424602/ ''Why Precisely Is Bernie Sanders Against Reparations?, The Atlantic,''] (19 Jan 2016) *Some part of us believes in nonviolence not as an ideal worth striving for, but as a fairy tale passed on to the politically weak. ** [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/05/dylann-roof-death-penalty/484274/ ''Killing Dylann Roof, The Atlantic,''] (26 May 2016) *The hammer of criminal justice is the preferred tool of a society that has run out of ideas. ** [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/05/dylann-roof-death-penalty/484274/ ''Killing Dylann Roof, The Atlantic,''] (26 May 2016) *Any writer who takes as their starting place any doubt as to their own humanity, or the humanity of their subject, has already lost. The real questions, the questions in that writer’s heart, are never explored. And instead they are stuck answering the same set of questions that they’ve, long ago, resolved. For black writers, this is a formula for never evolving, for writing the same thing over and over. For black writers the danger is having their work devolve into workshop on racial sensitivity. ** [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/06/but-this-latter-person-i-am-not-trying-to-convince/623703/ '''But This Latter Person, I Am Not Trying To Convince', The Atlantic,''] (23 June 2016) === ''The Beautiful Struggle: A Memoir'' (2008) === * There was the normal high that comes from the hormones of youth, that fresh sense of being unchained. But also there was the omnipresent feeling that It could go down. In those moments—which back then were all of our moments—your neurology was always code red. ** p. 34. * '''I was young and could not see the weaponry my ancestors had left for me, the shield in the tall brown grass, the ax lying right next to the tree.''' ** p. 41. * My father was haunted. He was bad at conjuring small talk, he watched very little TV, because once Conscious, every commercial, every program must be strip-mined for its deeper meaning, until it lays bare its role in this sinister American plot. ** p. 54. * In {{w|Richard Wright (author)|Richard Wright}}, Dad found a literature of himself. He'd read ''{{w|Manchild in the Promised Land}}'' and ''{{w|Another Country (novel)|Another Country}}'', but from Wright he learned that there was an entire shadow canon, a tradition of writers who grabbed the pen, not out of leisure but to break the chain. ** p. 72. * That was how I came to understand, how I came to know why all these brothers wrote and talked so big. Even the Knowledged feared the streets. But the rhyme pad was a spell book—it summoned asphalt elementals, elder gods, and weeping ancestors, all of whom had your back. That summer, I knew what Fruitie was trying to say, that when under the aegis of {{w|hip-hop}}, you never lived alone, you never walked alone. ** p. 111. * Our folks understood that there was a war upon us and that school was a weapon that outdid any Glock. Yet the whole process—with its equally spaced desks, precisely timed periods and lectures, with its standardized pencils and tests—felt unnatural to me. But much as I hated their terms, having been impressed into them, I hated more the failing. So I was left with a great unconscious sadness, an emptiness which, even when I was alone, I was not fully aware. But it worked on me like an invisible weight, altered my laughter, posture, my approach to girls. Fuck what you have heard or what you have seen in your son. He may lie about homework and laugh when the teacher calls home. He may curse his teacher, propose arson for the whole public system. But inside is the same sense that was in me. None of us ever want to fail. None of us want to be unworthy, to not measure up. ** p. 169-170. * Nowadays, I cut on the tube and see the dumbfounded looks, when over some minor violation of name and respect, a black boy is found leaking on the street. The anchors shake their heads. The activists give their stupid speeches, praising mythical days when all disputes were handled down at Ray's Gym. Politicians step up to the mic, claim the young have gone mad, their brains infected, and turned superpredator. Fuck you all who've ever spoken so foolishly, who've opened your mouths like we don't know what this is. We have read the books you own, the scorecards you keep—done the math and emerged prophetic. We know how we will die—with cousins in double murder suicides, in wars that are mere theory to you, convalescing in hospitals, slowly choked out by angina and cholesterol. '''We are the walking lowest rung, and all that stands between us and beast, between us and the local zoo, is respect, the respect you take as natural as sugar and shit.''' We know what we are, that we walk like we are not long for this world, that this world has never longed for us. ** p. 177. * I built {{w|djembe|djembes}} not by parental edict, not under threat, but because of my own native yearning. This was a giant step toward seeing more. Across the country our elders were battling the shades that shrank our minds and abbreviated our world. '''We thought the corner was cool, but more than that we deeply believed that we could do no better, that this tiny parcel was all we deserved in this world of sin.''' ** p. 192. * [In the mid-90s] The older gods were falling off. {{w|EPMD}} were breaking. {{w|Public Enemy (band)|Chuck and Flav}} had taken us as far as they could, and already the new voices were being hijacked by the death cults. Brothers who last week were shouting out {{w|Malcolm X|Malcolm}} were flipped into studio gangsters, killing every nigger in sight. ** p. 199. === ''{{w|Between the World and Me}}'' (2015) === * The elevation of the belief in being white was not achieved through wine tastings and ice cream socials, but rather through the pillaging of life, liberty, labor, and land; through the flaying of backs; the chaining of limbs; the strangling of dissidents; the destruction of families; the rape of mothers; the sale of children; and various other acts meant, first and foremost, to deny you and me the right to secure and govern our own bodies. ** p. 8. * Perhaps there has been, at some point in history, some great power whose elevation was exempt from the violent exploitation of other human bodies. If there has been, I have yet to discover it. But this banality of violence can never excuse America, because ... America believes itself exceptional, the greatest and noblest nation ever to exist. ** p. 8. * One cannot, at once, claim to be superhuman and then plead mortal error. I propose to take our countrymen's claims of [[American exceptionalism]] seriously, which is to say I propose subjecting our country to an exceptional moral standard. ** p. 8. * [T]he police departments of your country have been endowed with the authority to destroy your body. It does not matter if the destruction is the result of an unfortunate overreaction. It does not matter if it originates in a misunderstanding. It does not matter if the destruction springs forth from a foolish policy. Sell cigarettes without proper authority and your body can be destroyed. Resent the people trying to entrap your body and it can be destroyed. Turn into a dark stairwell and your body can be destroyed. '''The destroyers will rarely be held accountable. Mostly they will receive pensions.''' And destruction is merely the superlative form of a dominion whose prerogatives include friskings, detainings, beatings, and humiliations. All of this is common to black people. And all of this is old for black people. No one is held responsible. ** p. 9. * '''Any claim to ourselves''', to the hands that secured us, the spine that braced us, and the head that directed us, '''was contestable.''' ** p. 37. * I wanted to pursue things, to know things, but I could not match the means of knowing that came naturally to me with the expectations of professors. The pursuit of knowledge was freedom to me, the right to declare your own curiosities and follow them through all manner of books. I was made for the library, not the classroom. The classroom was a jail of other people's interests. The library was open, unending, free. ** p. 48. * I've never felt the pride that is supposed to come with righteous self-defense and justified violence. Whenever it was me on top of someone, whatever my rage in the moment, afterward I always felt sick at having been lowered to the crudest form of communication. ** p. 95. * I had heard such predictions all my life from [[Malcolm X|Malcolm]] and all his posthumous followers who hollered that the [[American Dream|Dreamers]] must reap what they sow. I saw the same prediction in the words of [[Marcus Garvey]] who promised to return in a whirlwind of vengeful ancestors, an army of [[w:Middle Passage|Middle Passage]] undead. No. I left The Mecca knowing that this was all too pat, knowing that should the Dreamers reap what they had sown, we would reap it right with them. '''Plunder has matured into habit and addiction; the people who could author the mechanized death of our ghettos, the mass rape of private prisons, then engineer their own forgetting, must inevitably plunder much more. This is not a belief in prophecy but in the seductiveness of cheap gasoline.''' ** p. 146. * Once, the [[American Dream|Dream’s]] parameters were caged by technology and by the limits of horsepower and wind. But '''the Dreamers''' have improved themselves, and the damming of seas for voltage, the extraction of coal, the transmuting of oil into food, '''have enabled an expansion in plunder with no known precedent. And this revolution has freed the Dreamers to plunder not just the bodies of humans but the body of the Earth itself.''' The Earth is not our creation. It has no respect for us. It has no use for us. And its vengeance is not the fire in the cities but the fire in the sky. Something more fierce than [[Marcus Garvey]] is riding on the whirlwind. '''Something more awful than all our African ancestors is rising with the seas.''' The two phenomena are known to each other. It was the cotton that passed through our chained hands that inaugurated this age. It is the flight from us that sent them sprawling into the subdivided woods. '''And the methods of transport''' through these new subdivisions, across the sprawl, '''is the automobile, the noose around the neck of the earth, and ultimately, the Dreamers themselves.''' ** p. 150. === "The First White President" (October 2017) === :<small>article [https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/10/the-first-white-president-ta-nehisi-coates/537909/ source,] ''[http://www.theatlantic.com The Atlantic.]''</small> * It is insufficient to state the obvious of '''[[Donald Trump]]''': that he is '''a white man who would not be president were it not for this fact.''' With one immediate exception, Trump's predecessors made their way to high office through the passive power of whiteness—that bloody heirloom which cannot ensure mastery of all events but can conjure a tailwind for most of them. Land theft and human plunder cleared the grounds for Trump’s forefathers and barred others from it. Once upon the field, these men became soldiers, statesmen, and scholars; held court in [[Paris]]; presided at [[Princeton]]; advanced into the Wilderness and then into the White House. Their individual triumphs made this exclusive party seem above America’s founding sins, and it was forgotten that the former was in fact bound to the latter, that all their victories had transpired on cleared grounds. No such elegant detachment can be attributed to Donald Trump—'''a president who, more than any other, has made the awful inheritance explicit.''' * Any empirical evaluation of the relationship between Trump and the white [[working class]] would reveal that one adjective in that phrase is doing more work than the other. In 2016, Trump enjoyed majority or plurality support among every economic branch of whites. It is true that his strongest support among whites came from those making $50,000 to $99,999. This would be something more than working-class in many nonwhite neighborhoods, but even if one accepts that branch as the working class, the difference between how various groups in this income bracket voted is revealing. Sixty-one percent of whites in this "working class" supported Trump. Only 24 percent of Hispanics and 11 percent of blacks did. Indeed, the plurality of all voters making less than $100,000 and the majority making less than $50,000 voted for the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic]] candidate. So when [[w:George Packer|Packer]] laments [in the ''New Yorker''] the fact that "Democrats can no longer really claim to be the party of working people—not white ones, anyway," he commits a kind of category error. The real problem is that Democrats aren't the party of white people—working or otherwise. '''White workers''' are not divided by the fact of labor from other white demographics; they '''are divided from all other laborers by the fact of their whiteness.''' * [[Barack Obama|Obama]] himself, underestimating Trump and thus underestimating the power of whiteness, believed the Republican nominee too objectionable to actually win. In this Obama was, tragically, wrong. And so '''the most powerful country in the world has handed over''' all its affairs—the prosperity of '''its entire economy; the security of its 300 million citizens; the purity of its water, the viability of its air, the safety of its food; the future of its vast system of education; the soundness of its national highways, airways, and railways; the apocalyptic potential of its nuclear arsenal—to a carnival barker who introduced the phrase "grab 'em by the pussy" into the national lexicon. It is as if the white tribe united in demonstration to say, "If a black man can be president, then any white man—no matter how fallen—can be president."''' ===''Ta-Nehisi Coates Makes the Case for Reparations at Historic Congressional Hearing, Democracy Now''' (20 June 2019)=== [https://www.democracynow.org/2019/6/20/ta_nehisi_coates_testimony_congress_reparations#transcript (full program & transcript online)] *Yesterday, when asked about reparations, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell offered a familiar reply: America should not be held liable for something that happened 150 years ago, since none of us currently alive are responsible... This rebuttal proffers a strange theory of governance, that American accounts are somehow bound by the lifetime of its generations. But well into this century, the United States was still paying out pensions to the heirs of Civil War soldiers. We honor treaties that date back some 200 years, despite no one being alive who signed those treaties... But we are American citizens, and thus bound to a collective enterprise that extends beyond our individual and personal reach. *As historian Ed Baptist has written, enslavement, quote, “shaped every crucial aspect of the economy and politics” of America, so that by 1836 more than $600 million, or almost half of the economic activity in the United States, derived directly or indirectly from the cotton produced by the million-odd slaves. By the time the enslaved were emancipated, they comprised the largest single asset in America—$3 billion in 1860 dollars, more than all the other assets in the country combined.<BR>The method of cultivating this asset was neither gentle cajoling nor persuasion, but torture, rape and child trafficking. Enslavement reigned for 250 years on these shores. When it ended, this country could have extended its hallowed principles—life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness—to all, regardless of color. But America had other principles in mind. And so, for a century after the Civil War, black people were subjected to a relentless campaign of terror, a campaign that extended well into the lifetime of Majority Leader McConnell.<BR>It is tempting to divorce this modern campaign of terror, of plunder, from enslavement. But the logic of enslavement, of white supremacy, respects no such borders, and the god of bondage was lustful and begat many heirs—coup d’états and convict leasing. vagrancy laws and debt peonage, redlining and racist GI bills, poll taxes and state-sponsored terrorism. *We grant that Mr. McConnell was not alive for Appomattox. But he was alive for the electrocution of George Stinney. He was alive for the blinding of Isaac Woodard. He was alive to witness kleptocracy in his native Alabama and a regime premised on electoral theft. Majority Leader McConnell cited civil rights legislation yesterday, as well he should, because he was alive to witness the harassment, jailing and betrayal of those responsible for that legislation by a government sworn to protect them. He was alive for the redlining of Chicago and the looting of black homeowners of some $4 billion. Victims of that plunder are very much alive today. I am sure they’d love a word with the majority leader.<BR> What they know, what this committee must know, is that while emancipation dead-bolted the door against the bandits of America, Jim Crow wedged the windows wide open. And that is the thing about Senator McConnell’s “something.” It was 150 years ago. And it was right now.<BR>The typical black family in this country has one-tenth the wealth of the typical white family. Black women die in childbirth at four times the rate of white women. And there is, of course, the shame of this land of the free boasting the largest prison population on the planet, of which the descendants of the enslaved make up the largest share. ===''Ta-Nehisi Coates: Reparations Are Not Just About Slavery But Also Centuries of Theft & Racial Terror, Democracy Now'' (20 June 2019)=== [https://www.democracynow.org/2019/6/20/ta_nehisi_coates_reparations_america_slavery (full program & transcript online)] *You know, the two great crimes in American history is obviously...the near destruction...of this country’s Native American population, the theft of their land, and on to work that land was brought in native Africans into this country, beginning in 1619. Those twin processes profoundly altered the shape of the world and made this country possible. Obviously, first of all, you know, the land on which America and Americans currently reside was the land of Native Americans, but the people brought in to break that land just transformed it. *The profits derived from slavery are more extreme than I think are commonly acknowledged. As I said yesterday, in 1860, the combined worth of the 4 million enslaved black people in this country was some $3 billion, nearly $75 billion in today’s share of dollars. Cotton, in 1860, was this country’s largest export—not just its largest export, it was the majority of exports out of this country. So, from a financial perspective, just the economics of it, it’s absolutely impossible to imagine America without enslavement. *The onset of the Civil War, the greatest preponderance, the greatest population per capita of millionaires and multimillionaires in this country was in the Mississippi River Valley. It wasn’t in Boston, wasn’t in Chicago, wasn’t in New York. The richest people in this country were slaveholders. Most of our earliest presidents were slaveholders. And the fact that they were presidents is not incidental to the fact that they—to their slaveholding. That was how they built their wealth. That was how Thomas Jefferson built his wealth. That was how George Washington built his wealth. Individual slaves were the equivalent of, say, owning a home today. They were people, but turned into objects of extreme wealth. So, just from the economic perspective, there’s that. * The average African-American family in this country making $100,000, which is, you know, decent money, actually lives in the same kind of neighborhood that the average white family making $35,000 a year lives in. That is totally tied to the legacy of enslavement and Jim Crow and the input and the idea in the mind that white people and black people are somehow deserving of different things. *If I injure you, the injury persists even after I actually commit the act. If I stab you, you may suffer complications long after that initial actual stabbing. If I shoot you, you may suffer complications long after that initial shooting. That’s the case with African Americans. There are people well within the living memory of this country that are still suffering from the after-effects of that. *This whole thing about who should get a check, and should we cut checks, you know, I understand those questions. That’s great. Those people should support H.R. 40, though, because that’s what H.R. 40 does. It tries to get that figured out, and get that math figured out, and figure out the best way to do it. But if we don’t actually have a study, we can’t actually answer those questions. You can’t ask a doctor to make a diagnosis before there’s an actual examination. *And in terms of [[w:Racial inequality in the United States|poverty and race in this country]], again, you know, one of the things that I really, really wanted to stress is, the level of [[Poverty in the United States|poverty]] specifically that you see in the African-American community is not accidental. It’s not accidental. This is part of the process. The process of enslavement involves stealing something from someone. It involves taking something from someone. *Jim Crow was theft. First and foremost, it was theft. If I tax you or if tell you you have to be loyal to this country and pledge fealty to its laws, but then I don’t give you the same degree of protection, I don’t give you the same access to resources that I give to another group of people, I have effectively stolen something from you. I have stolen your tax money. I have stolen your fealty. *So, when the state of Mississippi, for instance, taxes black people and then builds one facility for education and another for—one facility for education for whites and then an inferior facility for blacks, that’s theft. That’s theft. If I build a public pool system and then tell you you can’t use that public pool system, that’s theft. *And so, that is the long history of this country, that doesn’t end, again, conservatively, until 1968. And so, there are people who are very, very much alive who have experienced that, who are suffering the after-effects and effects of that. And that’s what, you know, as far as I’m concerned, the whole movement around reparations is about. *Mitch McConnell... does not want to be responsible for enslavement that happened 150 years ago, but, yet and still, wants the right to operate his business or operate his career in a building that was built by enslaved people. *I think the testimony was that one should not receive payment that would properly be due to the enslaved. But this country is, to this very day, receiving payment that was due to its enslavers. That’s the way inheritance works in this country, however one might feel about that. If I assemble a mass of money, I have the right to pass that on to my kid. My kid has the right to do whatever and then pass it on to their kid. And so, there’s something fundamentally injust if I have secured that money by taking it from one group, and then I pass that money on to my kid. ===''Ta-Nehisi Coates: Joe Biden Shouldn’t Be President, Democracy Now'' (20 June 2019)=== [https://www.democracynow.org/2019/6/20/ta_nehisis_coates_joe_biden_segregation#transcript (full program & transcript online)] *Joe Biden shouldn’t be president. You know? You know, obviously, I don’t think I’m breaking any news here. You know, if he ends up being the nominee, better him than Trump, but I think that’s a really, really low standard. *I think when you have somebody who is celebrating their relationship, the ability of a person who saw no problem depriving an entire population of African Americans in their state of the right to vote, the right to participate as American citizens, the fact that that person was polite to them?... And so, I don’t know what is going on in your brain where you decide to celebrate the fact these people were polite. *You know, Joe Biden says that he’s been involved with civil rights his entire career. It’s worth remembering Joe Biden opposed busing and bragged about it, you know, in the 1970s. Joe Biden is on the record as being to the right of actually the New Democrats in the 1990s on the issue of mass incarceration, wanted more people sentenced to the death penalty, wanted more jails. And so, you know, I’m not surprised. I mean, this is who Joe Biden is. *A large portion of this country... want to see somebody who can beat Trump. I get that. And there is, you know, a feeling, I think, among certain people that Joe Biden can out-white-man Donald Trump.... I get that beating Donald Trump is extremely, externally important. I get that. But I just hope that that’s the floor and not the ceiling. *Well, I think I should say before I say that, my understanding is that Senator Sanders now supports H.R. 40. I think that’s where we are now. So I’m obviously pretty pleased about that. *I think all of the things that Bernie Sanders... listed about paying attention to distressed communities should be done. And we should also have reparations. So, I don’t see those two things as in conflict. It’s not clear to me why both can’t be on the agenda. In fact, it was never clear to me why both can’t be on the agenda, why one can’t associate themselves with the massive gaps in the wealth, that don’t just exist in the African-American community, but exist in communities across the country, and at the same time recognize that there’s something specific about the gap in the African-American community that’s tied to the specificity of American history. But, you know, as I said, I’m happy Senator Sanders now supports H.R. 40. ===''The Water Dancer'' (2019)=== * We feared [Ryland's Hounds] and hated them, perhaps more than we feared and hated the Quality who held us, for all of us were low, we were all Tasked, and we should be in union and arrayed against the Quality, if only the low whites would wager their crumbs for a slice of the whole cake. (p. 57) * [A white person] was among the most fanatical agents I ever encountered on the Underground. All of these fanatics were white. They took slavery as a personal insult or affront, a stain upon their name. They had seen women carried off to fancy, or watched as a father was stripped and beaten in front of his child, or seen whole families pinned like hogs into rail-cars, steam-boats, and jails. Slavery humiliated them, because it offended a basic sense of goodness that they believed themselves to possess. And when their cousins perpetrated the base practice, it served to remind them how easily they might do the same. They scorned their barbaric brethren, but they were brethren all the same. So their opposition was a kind of vanity, a hatred of slavery that far outranked any love of the slave. ==Quotes about== *Ta-Nehisi is speaking to us from Washington, D.C., where he testified yesterday, and he’s speaking in front of an image of the Capitol, which was built by enslaved people. Ta-Nehisi Coates, writer-in-residence at New York University, author of a number of books, including We Were Eight Years in Power: An American Tragedy, that includes his “Case Against [sic] Reparations”—his “Case for Reparations.” We’ll be back with Ta-Nehisi in a minute. **[[Amy Goodman]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2019/6/20/ta_nehisi_coates_reparations_america_slavery ''Ta-Nehisi Coates: Reparations Are Not Just About Slavery But Also Centuries of Theft & Racial Terror, Democracy Now!''] (20 June 2019) *The rich world, for the most part, pretty much ignores these calls, dismissing it all as ancient history, much as the U.S. government manages to disregard calls for slavery reparations from African Americans (though in the spring of 2014, the calls grew distinctly louder, thanks to breakthrough reporting by The Atlantic's Ta-Nehisi Coates, which once again rekindled the debate). **[[Naomi Klein]] ''This Changes Everything: Capitalism vs. The Climate'' (2014) ==See also== * [[H.R. 40 - Commission to Study and Develop Reparation Proposals for African-Americans Act]] * [[Reparations for slavery]] * [[W:Civil Liberties Act of 1988|Civil Liberties Act of 1988 (Reparations to Japanese Americans interned by the United States government during World War II)]] * [[W:Reparations Agreement between Israel and West Germany (1952)|Reparations Agreement between Israel and West Germany (1952)]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Coates, Ta-Nehisi}} [[Category:Journalists from Baltimore]] [[Category:Editors from the United States]] [[Category:Bloggers from the United States]] [[Category:Essayists from the United States]] [[Category:Memoirists from the United States]] [[Category:1975 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:African Americans]] [[Category:Atheists from the United States]] [[Category:Feminists from the United States]] [[Category:MacArthur Fellows]] [[he:ויקיציטוט:תבניות דף/אישים]] 6duywzn1obdztd51b5khakewbzhvkc0 0 128195 3949296 3948697 2026-06-05T18:39:23Z ~2026-29461-25 3322637 /* Dialogue */ 3949296 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Cars Logo Black.svg|thumb|The mission begins.]] {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Cars 2|Cars 2]]''''' is a [[w:2011 in film|2011]] American [[w:Computer-animated film|computer-animated film]] produced by [[w:Pixar|Pixar Animation Studios]] and distributed by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]], and is the sequel to the [[2006 Gaza–Israel conflict|2006]] film, ''[[Cars (film)|Cars]]''. In the film, race car Lightning McQueen (voiced by [[w:Owen Wilson|Owen Wilson]]) and tow truck Mater (voiced by [[w:Larry the Cable Guy|Larry the Cable Guy]]) head to Japan, France, Italy and Britain to compete in the World Grand Prix, but Mater becomes sidetracked with international espionage. :''Directed by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], co-directed by [[w:Brad Lewis|Brad Lewis]]. Written by [[w:Ben Queen|Ben Queen]].'' {{center|'''The mission begins.''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}} [[File:Ferrari California (17271659202).jpg|thumb|Really? You are speed? Then Francesco is '''''triple''''' speed. Francesco is ''triple'' ''speed''. Oh-ho! Francesco ''likes''-a this, McQueen. It's-a really getting him into the ''zone!'']] [[File:Intelligence Community Medal for Valor.PNG|thumb|"Who are you with? FBI? CIA?"<br>"Let's just say I'm a triple-A affiliated."]] [[File:Trabant 601S Universal 1984 I.jpg|thumb|"Fellers, listen, I know what you're goin' through. Everybody's been laughin' at me my whole life too. But becoming powerful and rich beyond your wildest dreams ain't gonna make you feel better."<br>"Yeah, but it's worth a shot!"]] == Dialogue == :'''Leland Turbo:''' This is Agent Leland Turbo. I have a flash transmission for Agent Finn McMissile. Finn, my cover's been compromised. Everything's gone pear-shaped. You won't believe what I've found out here. This is bigger than anything we've ever seen. And no one even knows it exists. Finn, I need backup. But don't call the cavalry, it could blow the operation. And be careful! It's not safe out''' here! :'''Grem:''' ''[from Off-Screen]'' Let's go! ''[alarm went off]'' :'''Leland Turbo:''' Transmitting my grids now. Good luck. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Professor Zündapp:''' Where Is Finn McMissile? :'''Leland Turbo:''' ''[last words before he is crushed to death]'' You'll never catch him, he will stop you! :'''Professor Zündapp:''' We shall see. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Finn has infiltrated an oil platform to rescue Agent Leland Turbo and observes activity from high above]'' :'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[suspiciously]'' What are you up to now, Professor? :''[Finn shoots his harpoon line forwards which Pearces a balcony platform, them shoots his harpoon line into the wall behind him, then moves forward above the lemons them shoots his harpoon line diagonally, then bends down. :'''Professor Zündapp:''' ''[speaking to a platform worker lemon]'' This Is Valuable Equipment, Make Sure It Is Properly Secured For The Voyage. :'''Platform Worker:''' Got it. :'''Grem:''' Hey Professor Z, This Is One Of Those British Spies We Told You About. :'''Acer:''' Yeah, This One We Caught Sticking His Bumper Where It Didn't Belong. :'''Professor Zündapp:''' Agent Leland Turbo. :''[Acer reveals Leland's crushed remains as Finn gasps horrorified, but a fire erupts casting a large shadow, revealing his presence as Professor Zündapp looks up to see who it is]'' :'''Professor Zündapp:''' It's Finn McMissile! :''[Finn starts shooting; "HILLBILLY HOLLA" PLAYING By North Mississippi and Allstars. The lemons scramble for cover, others rushing up the derrick]'' :'''Professor Zündapp:''' He's seen the camera! '''''KILL HIM!''''' <hr width=50%> :'''Grem:''' ''[laughs, thinking he escaped Finn]'' He's dead, Professor. :'''Professor Zündapp:''' ''Wunderbar!'' With Finn McMissile gone, who can stop us now? :''[the scene switches to Mater]'' :'''Mater''': Mater. Tow Mater, that's who, is here to help ya! Hey, Otis! :'''Otis''': Heh-hey, Mater. I, uh-- Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry. I thought I could make it this time, but-- ''[tries to start his engine, but can't.]'' Smooth like puddin', huh? ''[sighs]'' Who am I kidding? I'll always be a lemon. :'''Mater''': Well, dad-gum, you're leakin' oil again, must be yer gaskets. Hey, but look on the bright side. This is yer 10th tow this month, so that means it's on the house. :'''Otis''': You're the only one that's nice to lemons like me, Mater. :'''Mater''': Hey, don't sweat it. Shoot, these things happen to everybody, Otis. :'''Otis''': But you never leak oil! :'''Mater''': Yeah, but I ain't perfect. Don't tell nobody, but I think my rust is tryna show through. :'''Luigi:''' Oh Lightning, Welcome Home! :'''Flo:''' Good To Have You Back Honey! :'''Fillmore:''' Congratulations Man. :'''Sarge:''' Welcome Home Soldier. :'''Sheriff:''' The Place Wasn't The Same Without You Son. :'''Lizzie:''' What? Did He Go Somewhere? :'''Lightning McQueen:''' It's Good To Be Home Everybody. ''[Hears Mater Honking His Horn]'' Mater! :'''Mater:''' McQueen! :'''Otis:''' Aah! :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater! :'''Mater:''' McQueen! :'''Otis:''' Oooh! :''[Mater Stops At The Crossroad In Front Of McQueen And Lets Go Of Otis Who Is Moved Along Into Ramone's House Of Body Art As Sally & Flo Dodge Him].'' :'''Otis:''' ''[Stops And Comes Onto Wheel Ramps]'' Whoooa! :'''Ramone:''' Hey, How Air Did You Make It This Time Otis? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mater:''' ''[whistles]'' I'll take one of them. Thank you. Never know which one McQueen will have a hankering for. Hey, whatcha got here that's free? How about that pistachio ice cream? :'''Sushi Chef:''' No, no. Wasabi. :'''Mater:''' Oh, same old, same old. What's up with you? ''[looks at the bucket of wasabi again]'' That looks delicious! ''[the chef takes a knife and sets a small piece of wasabi on a tray, then puts it on the counter]'' Uh, a little more, please? ''[the chef adds more wasabi]'' It is free, right? ''[the chef adds more]'' Keep it comin'. A little more. Come on, let's go, it's free! You're gettin' there. Scoop, scoop! ''[the chef gives in and scoops out a baseball-sized serving of wasabi]'' There ya go! Now, '''''that's''''' a scoop of ice cream! :'''Sushi Chef:''' ''[bowing and speaking in Japanese]'' My condolences. :'''Miles:''' And now our last competitor: number 95, Lightning McQueen! :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Ka-chow! Thank you so much for having us, Sir Axlerod. I really look forward to racing. This is a great opportunity. :'''Miles:''' Oh, the pleasure is all ours, Lightning. You and your team bring excellence and professionalism to this competition—. :'''Mater:''' ''[screaming while runs; Miles and Lightning are shocked]'' Someone get me water! Aah! Oh, sweet relief. Sweet relief. ''[Francesco laughs; speaks into the microphone]'' Whatever you do, '''''DO NOT EAT...''''' the free pistachio ice cream. It has '''''turned.''''' ''[echoes]'' :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Sir Axlerod, I can explain. This is Mater. He's-- :'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' No, I know him. This is the bloke that called in to the television show. You're the one I have to thank. :'''Mater:''' No thank you, This trip has been amazing. :'''Miles:''' ''[leaks oil and blames it on Mater by telling him off]'' Ah... He's a little excited, isn't he? :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[to Mater]'' Mater? :'''Mater''': But wait, I... Oh, shoot. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater! :'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' Has anyone got a towel? :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Fiercely]'' Mater, you have to get a hold of yourself; You're making a scene. :'''Mater:''' But I never leak oil. Never. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[not believing his friend]'' Go take care of yourself right now. ''[As Mater drives off, a forklift and Axlerod notice Lightning, who grins sheepishly]'' :'''Mater''': Coming through. Excuse me. Leaking oil. Where's the bathroom? Thank you. I gotta go. Oh, uh-- Uh-- ''[accidentally enters the ladies' room, and the ladies scream and yell in Japanese]'' Sorry, ladies! ''[?]'' ? ''[?]'' Whoa! What is. ''[?]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lightning McQueen:''' There you are. Where have you been? :'''Mater:''' What's a "rendezvous"? :'''Luigi:''' Uh, it's like a date. :'''Mater:''' A date? :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater, what's going on? :'''Mater:''' Well, what's going on is I got me a date tomorrow. :'''Guido:''' ''Non ci credo.'' (I don't believe you.) :'''Luigi:''' Guido don't believe you. :'''Mater:''' Well, believe it. My new girlfriend just said so. ''[sees Holley and waves]'' Hey, there she is! Hey! Hey, lady! See you tomorrow! :'''Guido:''' ''Ancora non ci credo.'' (I still don't believe you.) :'''Luigi:''' Guido still don't believe you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grem:''' I got to admit, you tricked us real good. :'''Acer:''' And we don't like being tricked. ''[Rod chuckles]'' Hey! What's so funny? :'''Rod Torque Redline:''' Well you know, I was just wearing a disguise. You guys are stuck looking like that. ''[Grem pushes a lever, turning the magnet off, and causing Rod to land on a small platform, where one of the Lemon Cars pushes a fuel tank of Allinol towards him.]'' Allinol? Thanks, fellas! I hear this stuff is good for you. :'''Professor Zündapp:''' So you think, Allinol by itself is good for you. ''[presses a button, which causes some cylinders attached to the platform to turn Rod's rear tires and make whirring sounds as his status bar shows his speedometer going up]'' But after microscopic examination, I have found that it has one small weakness. When hit with an electromagnetic pulse, it becomes extremely dangerous. :'''Grem:''' ''[moves a camera-like EMP generator forward]'' Smile for the camera. :'''Rod Torque Redline:''' Is that all you want? I got a whole act. :'''Professor Zündapp:''' You were very interested in this camera on the oil platform, Now you will witness what it really does. :'''Rod Torque Redline:''' Whatever you say Professor. :'''Acer:''' ''[as a Pacer comes up with a TV screen showing a picture of Rod with a Japanese pink car while in disguise]'' You talked up a lot of cars last night. Which one's your associate? :'''Rod Torque Redline:''' Your mother. Oh, no, I'm sorry, it was your sister. You know, I can't tell them apart these days. :'''Grem:''' Could I start it now, Professor Z? :'''Professor Zündapp:''' Go 50% power. ''[Grem then pushes a lever beneath the EMP generator that causes the lens to light up and make whirring sounds, going to 50% power]'' camera is actually an electromagnetic pulse emitter. :'''Acer:''' ''[showing Rod a picture of him with Shigeko]'' What about her? Did you give it to her? :'''Professor Zündapp:''' The Allinol is now heating to a boil, dramatically expanding, causing the engine block to crack under the stress, forcing oil into the combustion chamber. :''[While Zündapp is talking, Rod's engine is heard cracking, then the oil is heard flowing.]'' :'''Acer:''' ''[showing Rod a picture of him with a Japanese red Ferrari at a sushi stand]'' How about him? Did you talk to him?! :'''Rod Torque Redline:''' ''[as smoke gets emitted from his tailpipes]'' What do I care?! I can replace an engine *block?* :'''Professor Zündapp:''' You may be able to, but after full impact of the pulse, ''[as Grem pushes the generator's lever to 75% power]'' unfortunately, there will be ''nothing'' to replace. :'''Acer:''' ''[showing Rod a picture of him With Mater in the bathroom]'' How about him? Does he have it? :''[Rod trembles upon seeing the image, which Zündapp then notices and looks at the picture.]'' :'''Professor Zündapp:''' That's him. He's the 1. :'''Grem:''' Roger that Professor Z. :'''Rod Torque Redline:''' ''[his last words before he's exploded]'' '''''NO!''''' :'''Professor Zündapp:''' ''[through cell phone to the Lemon Kingpin]'' Yes, sir. We believe the infiltrator has passed along sensitive information. :'''Lemon Kingpin:''' ''[through phone]'' Right away! :'''Professor Zündapp:''' I will take care of it before any damage can be done. ''[hangs up]'' The project is still on schedule. You will find the second agent and kill him. :''[Zündapp then pushes the generator's lever to 100% power, which the screen then shows the picture of Rod and Mater, zooming in as a reflection of Rod is shown, shaking as the generator's electromagnetic pulse gets more powerful, before he finally explodes, cut into the screen shows a distant view of Mount Fuji and a Japanese tower while the WGP theme begins]'' :'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Japan, land of the rising sun, where ancient tradition meets modern technology. Welcome to the inaugural running of the World Grand Prix. I'm Brent Mustangburger, here with racing legends Darrell Cartrip and David Hobbscap. There's never been a competition like this before. First, Allinol, making its debut tonight as the required fuel for all these great champions. Second, the course itself, and it's like nothing we've ever seen before. David, how exactly does this competition work? :'''David Hobbscap:''' Well Brent, all three of these street courses are classic round-the-house racetracks. ''[the camera shows the labeled in Japan, Italy and England]'' This means that the LMP and Formula cars should break out of the gate in spectacular fashion. Look for Francesco Bernoulli in particular to lead early. And with a series of technical turns throughout GT and Touring cars like Spain's Miguel Camino should make up some ground but I doubt it'll be enough to stop Francesco from absolutely running away with it. :'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Whoa, now just hold your horsepower. You're forgetting the most important factor here: that early dirt track section of the course! The dirt is supposed to be the great equalizer in this race. :'''Brent Mustangburger:''' French Rally Car Raoul ÇaRoule Is Counting On A Big Boost Headed Through There. :'''Darrell Cartrip:''' And Don't Forget Lightning McQueen, His Mentor The Hudson Hornet Was One Of The Greatest Dirt Track Races Of All Time In My Opinion, McQueen Is The Best All Round Racer In This Competition. :'''David Hobbscap:''' Really Darrell, I think you need to clean your windshield. You're clearly not seeing this for what it is: Francesco's race to lose. ''[The WGP racers roll into the starting line to prepare to race.]'' :'''Brent Mustangburger:''' It's time for find out. The racers are locking into the grid. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[closes his eyes as a pre-race ritual]'' Speed. I am speed. :'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' ''[laughs mockingly]'' Really? You are speed? Then Francesco is triple speed. ''[closes his eyes]'' Francesco is '''''triple speed'''''. Oh-ho! Francesco '''''likes'''''-a this, McQueen. It's-a really getting him into the '''''zone!''''' ''[revs his engine]'' :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[complains about Francesco]'' He is '''''so getting beat today.''''' ''[revs his engine; the lights turn from red to green, and the first race is underway]'' :''[One Set Of Red Lights Turns On One-By-One Before Another Set Of Lights Beneath It Turns Green, The Races Start The First Lap With Raoul ÇaRoule & Miguel Camino Leading Through The Narrow Streets Of Tokyo Before Raoul Gets Overtaken By Max Schnell, Carla Veloso, & Miguel Gets Overtaken By Jeff Gorvette, Shu Todoroki, Lightning McQueen, Francesco Bernoulli, Nigel Gearsley, Lewis Hamilton, & Rip Clutchgoneski Behind Him As McQueen & Francesco Make Their Moves Around Jeff, Carla, Raoul, & Max Which Francesco Takes The Lead With McQueen And Go Around The First Corner].'' :'''John Lassetire:''' Jeff, Your Tires Are. :'''Bruno Motoreau:''' ''[Mumbling To Raoul].'' :'''Mach Matsuo:''' ''[Mumbling To Shu].'' :'''Giuseppe Motorosi:''' ''[Mumbling To Francesco].'' :'''Sarge:''' Your Suspension Sets Look Good. :'''Luigi:''' Tire Pressure Is Excellent! :'''Fillmore:''' He's Got Plenty Of Fuel. :'''Mater:''' And He's Awesome. :'''Crowd:''' ''[Chanting And Clapping]'' McQueen, McQueen, McQueen! :''[The Screen Shows Finn & Holley Inside A Building Overlooking The Pit Road And Have Their Eyes On Mater, Who Is Wearing A Headset].'' :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Why Is He In The Pits, He's So Exposed. :'''Finn McMissile:''' It's His Cover, One Of The Best I've Seen Too, Look At The Detail On The Rust, It Must Have Cost Him A Fortune. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[Using Her On-Board Computer Dual Trackball Platforms]'' But Why Hasn't He Contacted Us Yet? :'''Finn McMissile:''' There's Probably Heat On Him: Be Patient. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Right Of Course, He'll Signal Us When He Can. :'''Finn McMissile:''' And Then We Find Out Who's Behind All This. :'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[Announcing]'' As They Head Into The Palace Hairpin, Francesco Builds An Early Lead. :'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Ah Hang On Boys, Here Comes The Dirt, Slipping And Sliding Baby. :'''Mater:''' McQueen, It's Time To Make Your Move, Get On The Outside And Show Them What Doc Taught You. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' 10-4 Mater. :'''David Hobbscap:''' ''[As Francesco Struggles To Brake On The Dirt]'' Oh Boy, Francesco's Brought To A Screeching Halt! :'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[As McQueen Uses Doc's "Turn Right To Go Left" Trick To Overtake Francesco]'' Lightning McQueen Is The First To Take Advantage And Just Like That Folks, Francesco's Lead Is Left In The Dust. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Nice Call Mater, Keep It Up. :'''Acer:''' It's Finn McMissile! But you're dead! :'''Finn McMissile:''' Then this shouldn't hurt at all. ''[sprays both Acer and Petey with a fire extinguisher, blinding them]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Francesco, Lightning, and Carla are on the podium]'' :'''Photographer:''' Francesco! :'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Francesco, over here. Hey, what was your strategy today? :'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' Strategia?! Francesco needs-a no strategy, it’s very simple: You start the race, wait for Lightning McQueen to choke, pass him, then win. Francesco always-a wins, it’s-a boring. :''[Lightning simply rolls his eyes]'' :'''Darrell Cartrip:''' I gotta tell you dude, you were in trouble for a while. That dirt track section had you crawling. :''[Lightning Noticed Mater Returning To The Pits And Sneaks Off To Go To Talk To Him]'' :'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' To truly crush one's dream, you must first raise their hopes very high. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[meets up with his friend in his pit garage]'' Mater! :'''Mater:''' Hey McQueen, What Happened, Is The Race Over, You Won Right? :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Sternly]'' Mater, Why Were You Yelling Things At Me While I Was Racing? :'''Mater:''' Yelling? Oh You Thought– ''[Chuckles]'' That's Funny Right There, No See That's 'Cause I Seen These Two Fellers Doing Some Karate Street Performance, It Was Nutso, One Of 'Em Even Had A Flame-thrower. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[With Worry In Disbelief]'' A Flame-thrower? What Are You Talking About, I-I Don't Understand, Where Were You? :'''Mater:''' Going To Meet My Date. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Confused]'' Your Date? :'''Mater:''' She Started Talking To Me As A Voice In My Head, Telling Me Where To Go. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[shocked In enraged]'' '''What?!''' :'''Mater:''' ''[noticed his friend's angrilyerish glare]'' Wait A Minute, I Didn't Screw Ya Up Did I? :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[angrily]'' '''''I LOST THE RACE BECAUSE OF YOU!''''' :'''Mater:''' ''[becomes shocked what his friend just said]'' Oh, I'm Sorry I Didn't Mean To. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[refusing to listen to his friend]'' An Imaginary Girlfriend–Flame-throwers–You Know This Is Exactly Why I Don't Bring You Along To These Things! :'''Mater:''' Maybe If I, I Don't Know, Talk To Somebody And Explained What Happened I Could Help. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[angrily]'' '''I Don't Need Your Help! I Don't Want Your Help!''' ''[drives off, but is stopped by the paparazzi and Mater is left heartbroken]'' :'''Reporter #1:''' Hey, there he is! :'''Reporter #2:''' McQueen, you had it in the bag! :'''Reporter #3:''' Yeah, what happened? :'''Lightning McQueen:''' I-I Made A Mistake, But I Can Assure You, It Won't Happen Again. :''[Mater sadly walks over to the TV monitors]'' :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Look Guys, We Know What The Problem Is And We've Taken Care Of It. :''[Mater sadly walks away]'' :'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[on TV]'' Lightning McQueen loses in the last lap to Francesco Bernoulli in the first race of the World Grand Prix. And three, count 'em, three cars flamed out, leaving some to suggest that their fuel, Allinol, might be to blame. :'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[interviewed]'' Allinol is Safe! Alternative fuel is safe! There is no way my fuel caused these cars to flame out. :'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Well, the jury may still be out on whether Allinol caused these accidents, but one thing's for sure: Lightning McQueen blew this race! :'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Team McQueen Can't Be Happy Right Now. :''[The Scene Changes To A Poster Of Team McQueen At The Airport As Mater Sadly Look At It And Moves Away With The 95 Sticker That Was On His Side Is Shown To Have Been Removed And Moves To Get Ready To Board The Plane, Grem & Acer Are Shown Nearby Spot Him And Look At Each Other With Serious Looks, A Blue Car With No Tires Tries To Go Through The Metal Detector, But The Buzzer Goes Off So He Reverse To Looked At As Mater Joins The Queue, Finn Disguised As A Security Officer And Rolls Up To Him].'' :'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[wearing an airport security disguise, finds Mater at the security screening processes, speaks Japanese]'' Come with me please sir. :'''Mater:''' But I'm gonna miss my plane. :'''Finn McMissile:''' Right This Way. :'''Mater:''' Ah, doggone it. This is about my hook, ain't it? I know I should have checked it, but I can't really. ''[they go into the waiting room]'' Look, It's attached to me. ''[Finn takes off his disguise]'' Hey I Know You, You're That Feller From The Karate Demonstration. :'''Finn McMissile:''' I Never Properly Introduced Myself, Finn McMissile: British Intelligence. :'''Mater:''' Tow Mater, Average Intelligence. :'''Finn McMissile:''' Who Are You With, FBI, CIA? :'''Mater:''' Let's Just Say I'm Triple AAA Affiiated, You Know I Know Some Karate, I Don't Wanna Brag Or Nutting, But I Got Me A Black Fan Belt, Hey You Wanna See Some Moves I Made Up? :'''Finn McMissile:''' You're being followed. :'''Mater:''' This First One I Can Reach Into A Car's Hood, Pull Out His Battery And Show It To Him Before He Stalls; I Call It, "What I Accidentally Did To My Friend Luigi Once." ''[does some karate moves, crushing an oil can]'' Hey! Hi-yah-pah! Hi-yah! :'''Grem:''' There he is! :'''Mater:''' Hi-hi-tah! Huh! ''[realizes]'' Look, I probably ought to go. I'm about to miss my flight. :'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Grabbing Mater By His Grappling Hooks]'' Don't Worry, I've Taken Care Of That. :'''Mater:''' ''[Being Pulled]'' Whoa! :'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Jumps Through The Hole]'' Hang On! :'''Acer:''' ''[Grunts].'' :'''Mater:''' Whoa-Hah-Hah! This Is First-Class Service, You Don't Even Have To Go Through The Terminal! :'''Ucchi:''' ''[Speaks In Japanese].'' :'''Mater:''' Your Karate Partners Is Back There, They Kinda Look Like They Trying To Catch Up! :'''Finn McMissile:''' Drive Forward, Whatever You Do Don't Stop! ''[Spins Around, Making Mater Go Farward].'' :'''Mater:''' ''[As Everett As A Passenger Plane Heads Towards Them]'' Whoa! :'''Everett:''' Whoa! :''[Mater Zigzags Around Everett's Wheels, Gram Dodges Him And Prepares To Shoot A Missile As Finn Releases A Wheeled Motorized Jack, Which Comes To Him And Lifts Him Up At An Angle].'' :'''Grem:''' Whoa... ''[Releases His Missile Before Being Tripped Over]'' Aah! :''[Seeing That Missile Is Heading Towards Them As Finn Releases Another At It, Causing The Two Missiles To Explode From Behind Them].'' :'''Mater:''' Is Everything Okay Back There? :'''Siddeley:''' Finn It's Sid, I'm On Approach. :'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Through The Radio]'' Roger That. :''[Acer Is Shown Pulling Flatbed Trolleys Of Baggage Across The Runway, Blocking Their Path].'' :'''Mater:''' Member That Whole Thing About Me Not Stopping No Matter What? :''[Siddeley Appears And Shoots Bullets At The Flatbed Trolleys To Make Some Of Them Go Up Into The Air And Clear The Path].'' :'''Mater:''' I Knew I Shoulda Done Carry-On! :'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[To Siddeley]'' Thanks Old Boy. :'''Siddeley:''' ''[Lands On The Runway But Still Moving And Opens His Back Ramp]'' You Got It Mate. :'''Mater:''' ''[Seeing Holley Inside]'' Hey Doggonit Look It's My Imaginary Girlfriend! :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Come On Get In Here! :'''Mater:''' I Tell You What, You Really Do Want This First Date Don't Ya? ''[Holley Watches With A Shocked Face]'' There's A No-Quit Attitude Right There. ''[The Gunshots Are Seen Beside Them]'' What The...? :''[Acer Is Chasing Them And Tries To Shoot At Them With One Of The Bullets Deflates One Of Siddeley's Tires].'' :'''Siddeley:''' ''[Being Turned To The Left And Across The Grass]'' Aargh! :'''Finn McMissile:''' Hold On Sid! :''[Siddeley Turns Onto The Grass As Mater & Finn Follow With Acer Hot On Their Trails, Who Goes Into Another Runaway As Finn Fires Back At Acer By Hitting One Of His Tires, Causing Him To Turn Right].'' :'''Acer:''' Aargh! :''[He Fly Up A Terminal Ramp Truck And Past Two Waitresses Inside The Plane And Land On The Fuel Truck's Tank].'' :'''Siddeley:''' ''[Goes Through Some The Barriers By Knocking Them Down]'' Come On Finn, It's Now Or Never! :''[Finn Spins Around So That He Is Going Forwards].'' :'''Mater:''' Whoa! :'''Siddeley:''' ''[Takes Off Just Before He Can Hit The Barriers]'' Hold On! :'''Mater:''' ''[Through Text On A Letter]'' By The Time You Read This, I Will Be Safely On An Airplane Flying Home, I'm So Sorry For What I Did. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Reading The Letter]'' "I Don't Want To Be The Cause Of You Losing Anymore Races, I Want You To Go Prove To The World What I Already Know, That You Are The Greatest Race Car In The Whole Wide World, Your Best Friend Mater." ''[Looks Up]'' I Didn't Really Want Him To Leave. :'''Guido:''' ''[Sobs].'' :'''Luigi:''' Wait, There's More Here. ''[Brings Out More Notes]'' "P.S. Please Tell The Hotel, I Didn't Mean To Order That Movie, I Thought It Was Just A Preview And I Didn't Realize I Was Paying For It. ''[Moves The Note Aside To Read The Next One]'' PPS, That's Funny Right There PP. ''[Moves It To See Two Notes With P.P.PS. & P.P.P.P.S]'' There Are A Few More Pages Of PS's Here. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Well At Least I Know If He's At Home, He'll Be Safe. :''[Back In The Sky].'' :'''Finn McMissile:''' Now That's How I Like To Start The Day, You Never Feel More Alive Than When You're Almost Dead. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Yeah, I Hope That Device Didn't Fall Off. :'''Mater:''' Whoa Oh-Oh-Oh, That's The Closet I Ever Been To Missing My Flight That Was... ''[Explain s As Holley Pulls The Device Off Him By Her Telescoping Utility Arm]'' Oh! :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[Checking On The Device]'' Still In One Piece Great. :'''Mater:''' I've Got To Go To A Doctor, I Keep Get These Sharp Pains In My Undercarriage. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Downloading The Photo Now. :'''Mater:''' Hey Let Me Introduce You Two, This Here Is Finn McSomething Or Other, He's A First-Class VIP Airport Whatchamacallit. And Finn, This Is Here Is My Date. ''[Holley Looks Confused At Mater's Comment]'' I Never Did Get Your Name. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Oh Yes Sorry, It's Shiftwell, Holley Shiftwell. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tomber:''' You Rusty Piece Of Junk, Get Your Dirty Hook Off Me! :'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Speaks In French To A Car In The Garage]'' Allez, Maintenant - Vite! :''[The Car In The Garage Fless As Holley, Mater, & Tomber Enter, Who Angrily Talks In French As Finn Closes The Garage Door So To Keep Anyone From Coming In].'' :'''Tomber:''' ''[Gets Released By Mater]'' Electroshock! Are You Kidding Me?! :'''Finn McMissile:''' Easy Tomber, This Is Her Field Assignment, She Didn't Know You Were My Informant. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Informant? :'''Tomber:''' A Rookie Huh, I Never Liked New Car Smell. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[Grumbles].'' :'''Finn McMissile:''' Tomber Was Doing 20-To-Life In A Moroccan Impound The First Time I Saved Him If I Recall Correctly. :'''Tomber:''' Speaking Of Recalls, You're Getting Up There In Mileage Aren't You Finn? :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' All Right We Get It, You Both Know Each Other You're Both Old, So Here You Go Informant: Inform Us. :'''Tomber:''' Beuck, That Is The Worst Moter Ever Made. ''[Gasps]'' Wait, That Oil Filter, Those Wheel Bearings. :'''Finn McMissile:''' Do Those Parts Look Familiar Tomber? :'''Tomber:''' They Should, I Sold Them. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' To Whom? :'''Tomber:''' No Idea, He's My Best Customer, But He Always Does His Business Over The Phone, I Was Always Wondering Why He Needs So Many Parts, Now I Know. :'''Mater:''' Well A Lemon Needs Parts Ain't Nothing Truer Than That. :'''Finn McMissile:''' Lemon? :'''Mater:''' Yeah You Know, Cars That Don't Ever Work Right, Lemons Is A Tow Truck's Bread And Butter Like 'Em Gremlins & Pacers We Run Into At The Party & The Race & The Airport. :'''Finn McMissile:''' Holley, Pull Up The Pictures From The Oil Platform, I Want To Know What Other Type Of Cars Were Out There. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Right Let's See Um, There Were Hugos & Trunkovs. :'''Finn McMissile:''' Mater, Are These Cars Considered Lemons? :'''Mater:''' Is The Popmobile Catholic? :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Finn, Everyone Involved In This Plot Is One Of History's Biggest Loser Cars. :'''Finn McMissile:''' And They're All Taking Their Orders From The Car Behind This Engine. :'''Tomber:''' Ah, This Explains It! :'''Finn McMissile:''' What Tomber? :'''Tomber:''' Gremlin, Pacer, Hugo, & Trunkov Never Get Together, But They Are Having A Secret Meeting In Two Days. :'''Finn McMissile:''' Where's This Meeting Taking Place? :'''Tomber:''' [[Porto Corsa]], Italy. :'''Mater:''' That's Where The Next Race Is! :'''Finn McMissile:''' Then There's A Good Chance Our Mystery Engine Will Be There Too. :'''Tomber:''' Your Chances Are More Than Good, I Just Sent Him A New Clutch Assembly Yesterday To Porto Corsa. :'''Finn McMissile:''' Holley, Contact Stephenson And Have Him Meet Us At Gare De Lyon: Good Work. :''[Mater & Tomber Smiled And Nodded At Each Other Respectfully, They're On A Electric Bullet Train Named Stevenson Who Sped Through A Snowly Countryside Into A Tunnel And Watch Footage Of Each Lemon With Black Bodyguards Of Their Basis Who Hold Up Other Cars So They Can Past At The Traffic Lights].'' :'''Mater:''' Boy I'll Tell You What That Three-Wheeled Feller Had To Be Right About A Big Meeting, You Never See This Many Lemons In One Town; 'Less There's A Swap Meet Or Something. ''[To Holley]'' Hey, How'd You Get All Them Pictures? :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Well I Remotely Reprogrammed Porto Corsa's Red Light Cameras To Do Recognition Scans. :'''Mater:''' Wow, Not Only Is You The Purtiest Car I Ever Met, But You The Smartest Too. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Thank You I Think. :'''Mater:''' ''[Noticing A Blue Tow Truck Towing A Yellow Hugo In The Hugo Group]'' That's A Familiar Sight A Hugo Being Towed, But He Looks Absolutely Perfect! :'''Finn McMissile:''' Of Course, They Must Be The Heads Of The Lemon Families. :'''Mater:''' Makes Sense If I Was Rich And Broke Down Every Day, I'd Hire Me To Tow Me Around All The Time Too! :'''Finn McMissile:''' We've Got To Infiltrate That Meeting, It's The Only Way To Find Out Who's Behind All This. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Hang On Minute. :'''Mater:''' What? :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[Takes A Picture Of Mater]'' Hold Still. :'''Mater:''' ''[Affected By The Flash Of The Camera]'' Ow! :''[Holley Connects Her Telescoping Utility Arm Into The Monitor And Moves The Image Of Mater's Front Over The Blue Tow Truck As Well As Making It Turn To Blue, Showing That They Look Similar].'' :'''Finn McMissile:''' Ah-Ah, Good Job Miss Shiftwell. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Thank You Finn. :'''Mater:''' Boy, I Sure Wish My Friends Could See Me Now. :''[At Luigi & Guido's village in Italy, Uncle Topolino talks to Lightning about his recent tiff with Mater]'' :'''Mama Topolino:''' ''[Speaks In Italian]'' :'''Uncle Topoline:''' She Said You Look Like You Are Starving That She's Gonna Make You A Big Meal And Fatten You Up. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Oh No, Mama Topolino Please, You Don't Have To Make A Fuss. :'''Uncle Topolino:''' Capisco, I Understand, Is A Problem Yes Between You & A Friend? :'''Lightning McQueen:''' How Did You Know That? :'''Uncle Topolino:''' A Wise Car Hears One Word And Understands Two That And Luigi Told Me. ''[McQueen Gives A Smug Look]'' While Mama Cooks, Come And Take A Stroll With Me. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' I Brought My Friend Mater Along On The Trip And I Told Him He Needed To Act Different That We Weren't In Radiator Springs. :'''Uncle Topolino:''' This Mater Is A Close Friend? :'''Lightning McQueen:''' He's My Best Friend. :'''Uncle Topolino:''' Then Why Would You Ask Him To Be Someone Else? :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Thinking For A Moment]'' What Did I Do, I Said Some Things During Our Fight. :'''Uncle Topolino:''' You know, back when Guido and Luigi used to work for me, they would fight over everything. They fight over what Ferrari was the best Ferrari, which one of them looked more like a Ferrari. There were even some non-Ferrari fights. So, tell me them, ''va bene''! It's okay to fight. Everybody fights now and then, especially best friends. But you gotta make up fast. No fight more important than friendship. ''Chi trova un'amico, trova un tesoro.'' :'''Lightning McQueen:''' What does that mean? :'''Mama Topolino:''' Whoever finds a friend, finds a treasure. Now mangia, eat! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stephenson:''' Finn, one hour to Porto Corsa. :'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[as Mater's siren light is fitted]'' Thank you Stephenson. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Yeah, I think that should just about do it. :'''Finn McMissile:''' Perfect. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' So Mater, it's voice-activated. But, you know, everything's voice-activated these days. :'''Mater:''' What? I thought you was supposed to be making me a disguise. :'''Computer:''' Voice recognized. Disguise program initiated. ''[changes Mater to look like Ivan]'' :'''Mater:''' ''[chuckles]'' Cool! Hey, Computer, make me a German truck. :'''Computer:''' Request acknowledged. ''[changes Mater to his normal self, wearing lederhosen]'' :'''Mater:''' Check it out! I'm wearing Mater-hosen. Make me a monster truck! :'''Computer:''' Request acknowledged. ''[changes Mater into a Count Dracula truck]'' :'''Mater:''' What the--? ''[imitating Dracula]'' Ha-ha-ha! I vant to siphon your gas! ''[normal voice]'' Ha-ha! Now make me a taco truck! :'''Computer:''' Request acknowledged. ''[changes Mater into a taco truck; his horn plays "La Cucaracha"]'' :'''Mater:''' A funny car! :'''Computer:''' Request acknowledged. ''[changes Mater into a yellow hot rod; he revs his engine]'' :'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[turns Mater back to normal]'' The idea is to keep a ''low'' profile, Mater. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lightning Is Missing Mater At The Race in Italy as the racers gather at the finish line]'' :'''Brent Mustangburger:''' You Are Looking Live At Beautiful Porto Corsa Italy On The Italian Riviera, What A Magnificent Setting For The Second Race Of The World Grand Prix! :'''David Hobbscap:''' Well Brent, They Call This Place The Gem Of The Riviera And It's Easy To See Why With Its Secluded Beaches And Opulent Casinos, Porto Corsa Truly Is A Playground For The Wealthy And Everyone Who's Anyone Is Here Today From The Ultra-Rich And Super-Famous To World Leaders And Important Dignitaries. :'''Darrell Cartrip:''' You Aren't Kidding David, You Can't Do A Three-Point Turn Around Here Without Bumping Into Some Celebrity! :'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Welcome Everyone To The Second Race Of The World Grand Prix Where The Big News Continues To Be Allinol, Sir Miles Axlerod Spoke To The Press Earlier Today To Answer Questions About Its Safety. :'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[Being Interviewed]'' An Independent Panel Of Scientists Has Determined That Allinol Is Completely Safe Okay: Safe; There It Is. :'''Brent Mustangburger:''' So The Race Will Go On Folks. :'''Darrell Cartrip:''' But The Question Everyone Is Asking: Will The Real Lightning McQueen Show Up Today? :'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Well He'd Better, Talk About A Home Track Advantage, Francesco Bernoulli Grew Up Racing On This Course. :'''Italian Announcer:''' ''[As The Races Line Up On The Grid]'' Signore E Signori In The Pole Position, Numero Uno, Francesco! :'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' Bellissima, Thank You For Your Support And Your Big Mistake McQueen! :'''Italian Announcer:''' ''[As The Pop Is Shown Attending The Race With His Bodyguards]'' In Secondo Position, Numero 95, Lightning-A McQueen-A! :'''Luigi:''' ''[Seeing That McQueen Feels Sad]'' McQueen, Is Everything OK? :'''Fillmore:''' If You're Worried About Your Fuel Man Don't, It's Perfectly Safe. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' No Guys, I Just Really Wish Mater Were Here. :'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' ''[notices Lightning is sad]'' Francesco Understands This McQueen. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Oh Great Here It Comes, What Do You Got Francesco? :'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' For Famous Race Cars Like Francesco And Well You To Be Far Away From Home Is Not Easy. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[sarcastically]'' I Think You Forgot The Insulting Part Of That Insult. :'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' ''[emotionally]'' It's-a no insult! When Francesco is away from home, he misses his mama. Just like-a you miss your tow truck, amigo. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[impressed]'' Gee, I maybe misjudged you, because that's exactly how I-- :'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' ''[smiling]'' Of course. I am at home, and my mama is right here. ''[points and waves at a vintage Ferrari in the crowd who is smiling, blowing kisses and waving back]'' Mama! Don't worry, Mama! McQueen is very sad. I will beat his cry-baby bottom today! :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[sarcastically]'' And there's the insult we were missing. ''Grazie!'' :'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Darrell, The Races Are Settling As They Head To The Italian Countryside. :'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Whoo Boy, This Is Gonna Be A Great Race. <hr width=50%> :''[Miles, a.k.a. the Lemon Kingpin, assembles his cohorts during the penultimate World Grand Prix race]'' :'''Miles:''' ''[in a deep disguised voice]'' Welcome, everyone. I wish I could be with you on this very special day, but... my clutch assembly broke. You know how it is. :'''Tubbs Pacer:''' Been there. :'''J. Curby''': Forget about it. :'''Vladimir''': We know how you feel. :'''Finn McMissile:''' Descramble that voice. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' I'm trying. Oh, it's too sophisticated! :'''Miles''': We are here to celebrate. Today, all your hard work pays off. The world turned their backs on cars like us. They stopped manufacturing us, stopped making our parts. The only thing they haven't stopped doing is laughing at us. They've called us terrible names: jalopy, rust bucket, heap, clunker, junker, beater, wreck, rattletrap, lemon. But their insults just give us strength. Because today, my friends, that... all... ends! ''[Carla Veloso blown engine]'' :'''Darrell Cartrip:''' We're smoke! Where the casino bridge! :'''David Hobbscap:''' Oh No! :'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[worried]'' It's Carla Veloso the Brazilian racecar! :''[Carla Spins Around And Bumps Off The Side Of The Bridge As Finn & Holley Saw This From Afar].'' :'''Finn McMissile:''' What just happened. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' I'm working on it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[On TV]'' Crashes Are A Part Of Racing I Know, But Something Like That Should Never Happen. :'''Darrell Cartrip:''' ''[On TV]'' They're Letting You Choose Your Fuel For The Final Race, Do You Have Any Idea What It's Gonna Be? :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[On TV]'' Allinol. :'''Lemons:''' ''[Gasps]'' What?! :'''J. Curby Gremlin:''' Did He Just Say Allinol?! :'''Darrell Cartrip:''' ''[On TV]'' After Today? :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[On TV]'' My Friend Fillmore Says The Fuel's Safe, That's Good Enough For Me, I Didn't Stand By A Friend Of Mine Recently, I'm Not Gonna Make The Same Mistake Twice. :'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[On TV]'' So A Surprising Revelation From Lightning McQueen, He Will Use Allinol In The Final Race Despite What Occurred Today. :'''Lemon Kingpin:''' ''[Through The Telephone]'' Till Lightning McQueen Is Dead! :'''Professor Zündapp:''' Of Course. ''[The Phone Call Ends]'' Allinol Must Be Finished For Good. McQueen Cannot Win The Last Race. Lightning McQueen Must Be Killed! :'''Mater:''' No! :''[Mater Bumps Into A TV Which Breaks His Special Siren Light, He Turns Into All The Silly Disguises And Turns Normal].'' :'''Professor Zündapp:''' '''''It's The American Spy!!!''''' :''[The Lemons Aim Guns At Him].'' :'''Mater:''' Dad-Gum! :'''Computer:''' ''[Gets The Gatling Guns Out Of Mater's Bodywork]'' Gatling Gun: Request Acknowledged. :'''Mater:''' Let Me Go! :'''Professor Zündapp:''' You Actually Care About That Race Car: A Pity You Didn't Warn Him In Time. :''[The Transport Vehicle's Door Shuts, Trapping Mater Inside And Blacks Him Out With Sleeping Gas].'' :'''Mater:''' ''[From Off-Screen]'' Idiot, Is That How You See Me? :'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[From Off-Screen]'' That's How Everyone Sees You, I Tell You That's The Genius Of It, No One Realizes They're Being Fooled Because They're Too Busy Laughing At The Fool... ''[Echoes].'' :''[Mater Opens The Door Like Gates Of Heaven, The First Flashback In Crowd In Tokyo, Japan].'' :'''Mater:''' ''[Been Leaked On The Stage]'' But I Never Leak Oil Never! :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater, You Have To Get A Hold Of Yourself You're Making A Scene! :''[At The Sixth Flashback...]'' :'''Mater:''' ''[Noticed His Friend's Angry Glare]'' Wait A Minute, I Didn't Screw Ya Up Did I? :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Angrily] '''<big>I LOST THE RACE BECAUSE OF YOU!!</big>''''' :'''Mater:''' Maybe If I Talked To Somebody– :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Angrily]'' '''I Don't Need Your Help! I Don't Want Your Help!''' ''[Echoes].'' :''[Mater Sadly Lowers His Head And Hears The Words Echoed Around Him].'' :'''Mater:''' ''[Banging The Gong As Random Cars Laugh]'' Bang The Gong: Get It On! :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Voice]'' Listen, This Isn't Radiator Springs, This Is Exactly Why I Don't Bring You Along To These Things! :''[Mater's Eyes Are Filled In Terror And Watches This, He Wakes Up To See He's Tied Up Above Cogs As A Bell Chimes And Finds Himself In A Room Full Of Cogs And Looks To See Tied Up Dangling Next To Him With Finn & Holley Tied Up In The Gears' Teeth].'' :'''Mater:''' Holley! Finn! Where Are We? :'''Finn McMissile:''' We're In [[London]] Mater, Inside Big Bentley. :''[The Camera Zooms Out To Show The Outside Of The Great Elizabeth Tower Where Big Bentley Is With The Clock Saying 3 O'Clock In The Afternoon, The Changes Shot To Show The Tower Next To The Houses Of Parliament As The Ropes Holding Mater & The Cages Unwind].'' :'''Mater:''' Oh This, This Is All My Fault. :'''Finn McMissile:''' Don't Be A Fool Mater. :'''Mater:''' But I Am Remember, You Said So. :'''Finn McMissile:''' Where Did I; Oh; Mater, I Was Complimenting You On What A Good Spy You Are. :'''Mater:''' ''[In A Shout That Echoes]'' '''<big>I'M NOT A SPY!!!!</big>''' ''[Voice Echoes As Finn & Holley Feels Completely In Shocked]'' I've Been Trying To Tell You That The Whole Time, I Really Am Just A Tow Truck. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Finn, He's Not Joking. :'''Finn McMissile:''' I Know. :'''Mater:''' You Were Right Finn, I'm A Fool And What's Happened To McQueen Is 'Cause I'm Such A Big One: This Is All My Fault. :''[They Notice Grem & Acer Arrive In An Elevator].'' :'''Grem:''' ''[To Mater, Holley and Finn]'' Good, You're Up. :'''Acer:''' And Just In Time. :'''Grem:''' ''[Uncovers The EMP Generator]'' Professor Z Wanted You To Have A Front-Row Seat For The Death Of Lightning McQueen. :'''Mater:''' He's Still Alive? :'''Acer:''' Not For Much Longer. :''[At the third and final race in London, Grem has the E.M.P. ray aimed at Lightning]'' :'''Grem:''' Here he comes. :''[Mater watches horrified as Grem starts the Emitter at 100% power. The Emitter's red light glows brightly. The Emitter continues to aim at Lightning, but nothing happens to him and continues racing]'' :'''Professor Zündapp:''' What happened? :'''Grem:''' I don't know, Professor. :'''Acer:''' What did you do. :'''Grem:''' I didn't do nothing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Through The Radio]'' Mater! :'''Mater:''' Finn, You're OK! :'''Finn McMissile:''' Listen To Me, The Bomb Is On You, They Know You'd Try To Help McQueen, When We Were Knocked Out They Planned It In Your Air Filter! :'''Mater:''' Uh-Oh. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Coming Down The Pit Lane]'' Mater, There You Are! :'''Mater:''' Stop Right There! :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Oh Man, I've Been So Worried About You! :'''Mater:''' Don't Come Any Closer! :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Are You OK? :'''Mater:''' ''[Reverses Out Of The Pit Lane Into The Racetrack]'' No I'm Not OK, Stay Away From Me! :'''Lightning McQueen:''' No Wait, Wait! :'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Hold Everything, A Tow Truck Has Just Raced Onto The Track And He's Driving Backwards! :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater Wait! :'''David Hobbscap:''' Normally An Emergency Vehicle On The Track Means There's Been An Accident. :'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Wait Wait, Lightning McQueen Is Chasing Him! :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater Wait! :'''Mater:''' ''[Drives Around The Victoria Memorial]'' Stay Back, If You Get Close To Me You're Going To Get Hurt Real Bad! :'''Lightning McQueen:''' I Know I Made You Feel That Way Before, But None Of That Matters Because We're Best Friends! :'''Brent Mustangburger:''' And McQueen Seems To Be Having A Conversation With The Tow Truck. :'''Darrell Cartrip:''' I Don't Know Who That Truck Is Brent, But I'll Tell You What, He's Got To Be The World's Best Backwards Driver. :'''Mater:''' McQueen, You Don't Get It, I'm The Bomb! :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Yes Mater, You Are The Bomb, That's What I'm Trying To Say Here, You've Always Been The Bomb And You'll Always Be The Bomb! :'''Mater:''' Stay Away! :'''Lightning McQueen:''' No, Never! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Finn McMissile:''' Holley, I'll get Zündapp, you help Mater! :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Got it! :''[Holley flies right on top of Francesco, disorienting him].'' :'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' '''''WHAT IS HAPPENING?!''''' :''[Professor Z Zooms Through The Streets And Passes Through The Traffic And Raced Towards The Tower Bridge Where Tony Trihull Is Waiting For Him At The River Thames].'' :'''Tony Trihull:''' Hurry Professor! :'''Professor Zündapp:''' Aah! :'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[to Professor Zündapp]'' Ha! Do you really think, I'm goin' to let you float away, Professor?! :'''Mater''': McQueen, let go! :'''Lightning''': Never! :'''Blue Gremlin''': ''[via headset]'' Hey they're coming your way. :'''Grem''': Let's go. :'''Professor Zündapp:''' Give it up, McMissile! ''[But, like any other hero, Finn refuses to give up and launches bombs at Tony, who looks at them in horror. The bombs then explode massively, killing and destroying Tony once and for all, and Professor Zündapp is captured by Finn. Holley is then seen catching up to Lightning and Mater.]'' :'''Holley''': Mater, stop! :'''Mater''': No way! You could get hurt. :'''Holley''': ''[gasps; sees Grem and Acer heading towards Lightning and Mater with guns drawn]'' Oh, no. ''[She bumps into Grem and Acer]'' :'''Acer & Grem:''' '''AAH!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Holley Shiftwell''': Mater, we've gotta get that bomb off you. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Bomb? :'''Mater:''' ''[explains to his friend]'' Yeah, they strapped it to me to kill you as a backup plan. :'''Lightning McQueen''': Backup plan? Mater, who put a bomb on you? ''[Finn arrives with Professor Zündapp strapped up]'' :'''Professor Zündapp''': ''[to Lightning]'' '''''You.''''' Why didn't my death ray '''''KILL YOU?!''''' :'''Lightning McQueen''': ''[shocked/flabbergasted]'' Death ray?! :'''Finn McMissile:''': Turn off the bomb, Zündapp! ''(Now!)'' :'''Professor Zündapp''': Are you all so dense? It's voice-activated. Everything is voice-activated these days. :'''Mater''': Deactivate! Deactivate! :'''Bomb Computer''': Voice denied. ''[activates countdown timer for 5:00; Mater gasps in shock]'' :'''Finn McMissile''': ''(Mater, what's wrong?)'' :'''Professor Zündapp''': Oops! ''[scoffs]'' Did I forget to mention it can only be disarmed by the one who activated it? :'''Holley Shiftwell''': ''[firmly pulls out her taser gun]'' Say it! :'''Professor Zündapp''': ''[nonchalantly]'' Deactivate. :'''Bomb Computer''': Voice denied. ''[timer subtracts 1 minute]'' :'''Mater''': ''[alarmed]'' Whoa! :'''Professor Zündapp''': ''[his last words in the film]'' Oh. I'm not the one who activated it. Would anyone else like to try? ''[gets tazed by Holley and knocked out unconscious]'' :'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[smirks]'' You read my mind. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Ugh, he was getting on my nerves. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' What do we do? :'''Victor Hugo:''' It's very simple. You blow up. ''[The whole group of lemons surround the four]'' :'''Lightning McQueen:''' I'm gonna go out on a limb here - these are the guys that want me dead, correct? :'''Vladimir''': It's nothing personal. :'''Mater:''' Fellers listen, I know what you're going through. Everybody's been laughing at me my whole life too. But becoming powerful and rich beyond your wildest dreams ain't gonna make you feel better. ''[The lemons seem to take this in]'' :'''J. Curby Gremlin:''' ''[deploying his gun]'' Yeah, but it's worth a shot! :[Red with Sally behind him squirts J. Curby and four gremlins behind a fence, Finn shoots his harpoon line into four Hugos and shoots his grappling hooks upwards slamming the Hugos into each other, Holley deploits her wings taking a pair of the Hugos and slams them into a pair of gremlins, Luigi and Guido split off their tires, immobilizing them] :'''Guido:''' Pitstop! :[Flo shines her lights on Vladimir temporarily blinding him] :'''Sheriff:''' ''[puts a boot on Vladmir]'' Not today boys!! :[Mater yells as he karate hits and slams Ivan, two Hugos, and lasso throws Tubbs Pacer out which Ramone sternly spray paint swipes him in the right eye giving him a bit of pinkeye] :''[Finn, Mater, Lightning, Holley, Sheriff, Luigi, & Guido sternly face off at the remaining lemons and Tubbs Pacer with angered looks]'' :'''Tubbs Pacer:''' Retreat!! :[The remaining lemons and Tubbs Pacer flee the area, but stop when they see Sarge with the British military.] :'''Sarge:''' Thanks for the help, Corporal. :'''Josh Coolant:''' Anything for one of Pops' mates. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Guido:''' ''[Tries to unscrew the bomb from Mater's hood, but fails]'' Con questi bullone el cabo il mie chiave non funzionano! ''[throws his tool gun towards the ground and walks away]'' :'''Lightning McQueen:''' [to Luigi] Wh-What's he saying? What's wrong? :'''Luigi:''' None of his wrenches fit the bolts! :'''Mater:''' ''[looks and then gets a sudden realization]'' I get it. I get it! I know what needs to be done! :'''Lightning McQueen:''' (Really?) Then do it! :'''Mater:''' What? No. I can't do it. Look, nobody takes me seriously. I know that now. This ain't Radiator Springs. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Yes, it is. Look, you're yourself in Radiator Springs. Be yourself here. And if... if people aren't taking you seriously, then they need to change, not you. I know that now because I was wrong before. Now, you can do this. You're the bomb. :'''Mater:''' ''[starts to feel better]'' Thanks, buddy. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' No, no, no, you're the ''actual'' bomb! Now let's go! :'''Mater:''' Oh, right! Hang on! ''[Lightning hooks up to him and drives away with him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mater has delivered Lightning to Buckingham Palace and exposes the bomb to the audience with barely 2 minutes left on the clock, causes a massive scramble]'' :'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[arriving; to the audience]'' Hold your fire! He can't disarm it! Mater, I don't know what you're doing, ''[Holley arrives]'' but stand down now! :'''Mater''': This ain't nothing at all like Radiator Springs. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater, just cut to the chase. :'''Mater''': Okay. It's ''him!'' ''[points to Miles]'' :'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''What? Me?'' You've got to be crazy. :'''Mater''': I figured it out when I realized y'all attached this tickin' time bomb with Whitworth bolts, the same bolts that hold together that old British engine from the photograph. Holley, show that picture! :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Okay. ''[shows the holographic photo of the mysterious hood engine]'' :'''Mater''': And then ''I'' remembered what they said about old British engines: "If there ain't no oil under 'em, there ain't no oil (over) in 'em". :'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' What is he talking about? :'''Mater''': It was you leaking oil at the party in Japan. ''You'' just blamed it on me. :'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' Electric cars don't use oil, you twit! :'''Mater''': Then ''you're'' fakin' it. ''You'' didn't convert to no electric. ''[Miles realizes that he knows the truth, then backs away]'' When we pop that hood, we gonna see that engine from that picture right there. :'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[panicking]'' This lorry's crazy! ''He's'' gonna kill us all! ''[backs up to the edge of the stage]'' '''''Stay away!''''' :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' But Sir Axlerod created the race, Mater. Why would ''he'' want to hurt anyone? :'''Mater:''' To Make Allinol Look Bad So Everybody'd Go Back To Using Oil, I Mean He Said It Himself With That Disgusted Voice. :'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' "Disguised voice"? What are you talking about? You're nuts, you are! :'''Prince William:''' This Is Going Nowhere Fast, We Really Should Go Grandmother. :'''The Queen:''' One Moment, I'd Like To See Where This Is Going. :''[The bomb's countdown is at 29 seconds]'' :'''Finn McMissile''': Mater, ''he'' created Allinol. :'''Mater''': Yeah, but what if ''he'' found that huge oil field just as the world was tryna find somethin' else? What if ''he'' came up with Allinol just to make alternative fuel look bad? :'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[as the bomb's countdown goes from 19 to 18 seconds]'' "What if"? You're basing this on a ''"what if"?!'' :'''Security Guard:''' Okay, that's it. :'''Another Security Guard:''' Right, lads, clear out! ''[the other guards evacuate, followed by the Queen and the spectators]'' :'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' Wait, somebody save me! The lorry's crazy! Keep away, you idiot! :'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[shocked]'' ''Mater?!'' :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[worried]'' Mater! :'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' Someone, do something! :'''Car in Crowd:''' ''[alarmed]'' Drive away! :''[Mater stands his ground, glaring at Miles, while everyone braces for the explosion including Finn Holley and Lightning]'' :'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' You're insane, you are! ''[the bomb counts down at 3 to 2 seconds]'' '''''DEACTIVATE!''''' ''[The bomb's countdown stops at 1 second, then shows the words "Voice Accepted"]'' :'''Bomb Computer''': Bomb deactivated. Have a nice day, Sir Axlerod:). :''[Mater smiles in satisfaction. The police cruisers surround a shocked Miles, as Mater pops the hood open, revealing the mysterious V-8 engine]'' :'''Finn McMissile''': The engine from the photo. :'''Holley Shiftwell''': ''[Compares the image]'' It's a perfect match. :'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[his last words; still shocked]'' How did the tow truck figure it out? ''[getting escorted away by the police cruisers, offscreen]'' :'''Lightning McQueen''': ''[to Mater]'' It's official. You're coming to all my races from now on. :'''Mater''': Now you're talking! :''[they forgivingly bump their tires]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[For his actions, Mater is being knighted by the Queen]'' :'''The Queen:''' I hereby dub thee ''Sir'' Tow Mater. :''[the crowd cheers and applauds]'' :'''Mater:''' "Sir"? Shoot, you can just call me Mater, Your Majesty. I don't wanna hear none of this "sir" business. By the way, have y'all met each other? Queen, McQueen. McQueen, Queen. McQueen, McMissile. McMissile, McQueen. Queen, McMissile. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mater''': So, there we were, my rocket jets goin' full blast, McQueen hangin' on for dear life, when suddenly, them two nasty lemons come out of nowhere with guns drawn. We was goners. But then, out of nowhere, this beautiful spy car swoops in from the sky to save us. :'''Minny:''' That's a very entertaining story, young man. :'''Van''': Oh, Minny, please. Come on! None of this happened. Rocket jets, flying spy cars-- :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[out of nowhere]'' No, you're quite right. ''[landing]'' It ''does'' sound a bit far-fetched. :'''Mater''': Holley! What are you doin' here? :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Hello, Mater! It's so good to see you again. :'''Mater''': Finn! :'''Finn McMissile:''' Our Satellites Picked Up An Urgent Communiqué. :'''Luigi''': So, you got-a my email. :'''Mater''': Oh, man. Y'all is gon' have a great time. Everybody, this here's Finn McMissile. He's a secret agent. Don't tell nobody. And this is Holley Shiftwell. She's-- :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' I'm Mater's girlfriend. It's so nice to meet you all. :''[Guido's jaw drops, his forks hit the ground in shock]'' :'''Luigi:''' ''[smiling]'' Guido believe you now. :'''Flo:''' ''[Looking At Holley's Dent]'' Whoa Honey, You Got A Nasty Dent There. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Yeah. :'''Van:''' Was That From When You Swooped In And You Saved Them In London? :'''Minny:''' Van! :'''Van:''' What, I'm Just Asking! :'''Flo:''' Ah Don't You Worry Sweet Pea, My Baby Ramone Can Get That Fixed Up For You In No Time. :'''Ramone:''' Yeah Sure Thing Man No Problemo, Just Let Me Go Get My Tools. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Oh-No-No, I-I'm Keeping That Dent; It's Way Too Valuable. :'''Mater:''' ''[Grins].'' :'''Lizzie:''' A Valuable Dent, Oh She's As Crazy As Mater. :'''Mack:''' Oh Those Two Are Perfect For Each Other. :'''Lightning McQueen:''' You know, there's one thing I still don't get. The bad guys hit me with the beam from the camera, right? So, why didn't I... :'''Mater:''' ''[finishing his friend's question]'' Explode in a fiery inferno? :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Yeah. :'''Finn McMissile:''' We couldn't figure that one out either. :'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Our investigation proved that Allinol was actually gasoline and Axlerod engineered it so when It got hit by the beam it would explode. :'''Lightning McQueen''': Wait a second, Fillmore; You said my fuel was safe. :''[Everyone turns and curiously looks at Fillmore]'' :'''Fillmore:''' If you're implying that I switched out that rot-gut excuse for alternative fuel with my all-natural, sustainable, organic biofuel just because I never trusted Axlerod, you're dead wrong, man; It was ''him.'' ''[points to Sarge]'' :'''Sarge''': Once big oil, always big oil... man. :'''Fillmore''': Tree-hugger. :''[The Camera Shows On A Banner Saying "Radiator Springs Grand Prix" Before Moving Down To Show Sheriff Slowly Driving Along The Main Road With The World Grand Prix Racers Behind Him With The Spectators Watching Beside Hay Bales Being Used As Barriers].'' :'''Sheriff:''' The Radiator Springs Grand Prix Is About To Begin; All Spectators, Clear The Starting Line. :'''Lewis Hamilton:''' Man, I Can't Wait To Get Rocking; This Is Gonna Be Wicked! :'''Jeff Gorvette:''' Yeah, We Should Do This Every Year. == Taglines == * Fuel the love. * Spy it only in theaters June 24, 2011. * The mission begins. * From the creators of ''[[Toy Story 3]]''. * Original score composed by [[w:Michael Giacchino|Michael Giacchino]]. * They're not just racing around the world; they're racing to save the world. == See also == * ''[[Cars (film)|Cars]]'' * ''[[Cars 3]]'' == Cast == {{col-begin}} {{col-3}} * [[w:Owen Wilson|Owen Wilson]] — [[w:Lightning McQueen|Lightning McQueen]] * [[Larry the Cable Guy]] — [[w:Mater (Cars)|Mater]] * [[w:Michael Caine|Michael Caine]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Finn McMissile|Finn McMissile]] * [[w:Emily Mortimer|Emily Mortimer]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Holley Shiftwell|Holley Shiftwell]] * [[Eddie Izzard]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Sir Miles Axlerod|Miles Axlerod]] * [[w:John Turturro|Johnny Turturro]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Francesco Bernoulli|Francesco Bernoulli]] * [[w:Brent Musburger|Brent Musburger]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Brent Mustangburger|Brent Mustangburger]] * [[w:Thomas Kretschmann|Thomas Kretschmann]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Professor Zündapp|Professor Zündapp]] * [[w:Joe Mantegna|Joe Mantegna]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Grem|Grem]] * [[w:Peter Jacobson|Peter Jacobson]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Acer|Acer]] * [[w:Kenan Thompson|Kenan Thompson]] — Victor Hugo * [[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]] — [[w:Sally Carrera|Sally]] * [[w:Cheech Marin|Cheech Marin]] — Ramone * [[w:Paul Nakauchi|Paul Nakauchi]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Shu Todoroki|Shu Todoroki]] * [[w:Jeff Gordon|Jeff Gordon]] — [[w:Jeff Gorvette|Jeff Gorvette]] * [[Lewis Hamilton]] — Himself * [[Darrell Waltrip]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Darrell Cartrip|Darrell Cartrip]] * [[w:Franco Nero|Franco Nero]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Uncle Topolino|Uncle Topolino]] * [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Mack|Mack]] {{col-end}} == Teaser Trailer == :'''Narrator:''' The most advanced technology, the most exotic locations, the most dangerous assignments. Next summer, get ready to roll, with the world's newest secret agents. :''[Lightning and Mater are putting red lights around them]'' :'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater? :'''Mater:''' I think we bit off more than we could chew. :''[the text puts up film's title and Spy it only in theaters June 2011]'' == External Links == {{wikipedia}} *{{imdb title|id=1216475|title=Cars 2}} {{Cars}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2011 computer-animated films]] [[Category:2011 American animated films]] [[Category:2010s American animated films]] [[Category:British computer-animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American 3D animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated action films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:Animated buddy films]] [[Category:American animated films about revenge]] [[Category:Cars (film)]] [[Category:Sports films]] [[Category:Spy films]] [[Category:American auto racing films]] [[Category:American sequel films]] [[Category:Films set in California]] [[Category:Films set in Arizona]] [[Category:Films set in Italy]] [[Category:Films set in London]] [[Category:Films set in Britain]] [[Category:Films set in Paris]] [[Category:Films set in France]] [[Category:Films set in Tokyo]] [[Category:Films set in Japan]] [[Category:Films directed by John Lasseter]] 68x63accub8eo4ok3f3p0mkaqacur1d 0 145139 3949297 3948234 2026-06-05T18:39:49Z GrimRob 1187925 /* Quotes about Musk */ Starmer 3949297 wikitext text/x-wiki {{people-cleanup}} [[File:Elon Musk in Mission Control at SpaceX.jpg|thumb|Everything works in PowerPoint; but if you have the physical item or some demonstration software, that's much more convincing to people than a PowerPoint presentation or a business plan.]] '''[[w:Elon Musk|Elon Reeve Musk]]''' (born 28 June 1971) is an American (South African-born) entrepreneur and [[w:business magnate|business magnate]]. He is the founder, [[Chief executive officer|CEO]], and Chief Engineer at [[w:SpaceX|SpaceX]]; early-stage investor, CEO, and Product Architect of [[w:Tesla, Inc.|Tesla, Inc.]]; founder of [[w:The Boring Company|The Boring Company]]; co-founder of [[w:Neuralink|Neuralink]] and [[w:OpenAI|OpenAI]]; president of the [[w:Elon Musk#Musk Foundation|Musk Foundation]]; and owner of [[w:X Corp.|X Corp.]], formerly known as [[w:Twitter, Inc.|Twitter, Inc]]. With an [https://www.networthmama.com/category/business/executives/elon-musk-net-worth estimated net worth] of about US$487.3 billion as of October 2025, Musk is the wealthiest person in the world according to the [[w:Bloomberg Billionaires Index|Bloomberg billionaires index]] and the ''[[w:Forbes|Forbes]]'' real-time billionaires list. [[File:SpaceX Demonstration Mission 2 Launch (49963556878).jpg|thumb|I have never been materially active in politics before, but this time I think civilization as we know it is on the line. If we want to preserve freedom and a meritocracy in America, then Trump must win.[https://nitter.poast.org/elonmusk/status/1831486742052159886#m]]] [[File:SpaceX Crew-2 Crew Suit Up (KSC-20210423-PH-KLS01 0107).jpg|thumb|Trump supports a government efficiency commission to allow great things to be done, Kamala does not,We will never reach Mars if Kamala wins![https://www.politico.eu/article/elon-musk-spacex-republican-debate-us-president-kamala-harris-will-never-reach-mars-donald-trump/]]] ==Quotes== ===1998=== * I think the [[Internet]] is the super-set of all media. It is the be-all and the end-all of all media. One will see print, broadcast, arguably, radio, essentially all media folding into the Internet. ** Quoted in [https://www.news18.com/buzz/elon-musk-explains-internet-in-1998-old-interview-goes-viral-7104589.html "Elon Musk Explains Internet in 1998, Old Interview Goes Viral"], ''News 18'' (February 17, 2023) ===2005=== * If things aren't not failing you are not innovating enough. ** [https://www.fastcompany.com/52065/hondas-space Fast Company, article "Hondas in Space"] (1 February 2005) ===2007=== ====''Unsourced''==== * Life is too short for long-term grudges. ====''From articles on Evan Carmichael's website''==== <small>'''From: [https://web.archive.org/web/20071214142021/http://www.evancarmichael.com/Famous-Entrepreneurs/1610/The-Wired-Entrepreneur-The-Early-Years-of-Elon-Musk.html The Wired Entrepreneur: The Early Years of Elon Musk]', 2007.</small> * I didn’t really expect to make any money. If I could make enough to cover the rent and buy some food that would be fine. As it turns out, it turned out to be quite valuable in the end. * I don’t have an issue with serving in the military per se, but serving in the South African army suppressing black people just didn’t seem like a really good way to spend time. * I think South Africa is a great country. * If you wanted to be close to the cutting edge, particularly in technology, you came to North America. * Tuition costs are outrageous. Fortunately, they gave me a scholarship…so I only had to cover living expenses, books, etc., by working. * One was the Internet, one was clean energy and one was space. <small>'''From: [https://web.archive.org/web/20071214142025/http://www.evancarmichael.com/Famous-Entrepreneurs/1610/Zipping-Forward-Musk-Starts-His-First-Company.html Zipping Forward: Musk Starts His First Company]', 2007.</small> * I could either watch it happen, or be part of it. <small>'''From: [https://web.archive.org/web/20071221055051/http://www.evancarmichael.com/Famous-Entrepreneurs/1610/Lesson-1-Keep-Your-Operations-Lean-And-Clean.html Lesson #1: Keep Your Operations Lean And Clean]', 2007.</small> * We could figure out ways with small aerospace companies to do a low-cost spacecraft and lander. But we could not find a way to do a low-cost launcher, unless we went to the Russians. * The answer was we thought it could be done. * There is nothing inherently expensive about rockets. It's just that those who have built and operated them in the past have done so with horrendously poor efficiency. * Falcon One is going to be the lowest cost per flight to orbit of any production rocket. * Which means we’re cheaper than the Chinese, cheaper than [the] Russians or anywhere else – and we’re doing it in the United States with American [[labour costs]]. * I think the reason it’s cheaper is, first of all, we are a private entity and we have a very lean system in here. What we have been able to do here at SpaceX is to cherry-pick, you know, the top one or two percent and give them, you know, capital to execute well and a clear mission, which is low cost, reliable access to space, and no other constraints. <small>'''From: [https://web.archive.org/web/20080117152716/http://www.evancarmichael.com/Famous-Entrepreneurs/1610/Lesson-2-Commit-To-Failing-In-A-New-Way.html Lesson #2: Commit To Failing In A New Way]', 2007.</small> * Well, I have tried to learn as much as possible from prior attempts. * If nothing else, we are committed to failing in a new way. * There’s a graveyard of prior attempts, a big graveyard. There’s probably some freshly dug graves just waiting to be filled. Our aspiration is to avoid that destination. * I think we’ve got the risks pretty well characterized. I think we are at least avoiding the mistakes that have been made in the past. * I think the rocket business is quite cyclic. There are a great many peaks and troughs. * Imagine creating a huge software program that can only be tested in little pieces on a computer that is slightly different from what it is supposed to run on. However, when you do run it as a whole on the actual computer for the first time, it must run almost flawlessly without a single significant bug. When is the last time you saw a software program do that? * When thinking about starting a business, I think it’s actually better to start in a trough and come to market in a peak, than the other way around. Frankly, if anything does, and it’s almost cliché, space has a long-term future. * I want to be able to make sure that we have enough capital to survive at least three consecutive failures. If you want to make a small fortune in the launch vehicle business, start with a large one. <small>'''From: [https://web.archive.org/web/20080116043429/http://www.evancarmichael.com/Famous-Entrepreneurs/1610/Lesson-3-Make-Your-Mission-Your-Holy-Grail.html Lesson #3: Make Your Mission Your Holy Grail]', 2007.</small> * The long term ultimate objective – the holy grail – is we would like to help make life multi-planetary. * We got to the moon, but have never done anything better since. I'm disappointed that we have not made more progress since Apollo. I don't even see a plan that says we're going to do better than Apollo to exceed that goal. * I like to be involved in things that change the world. The Internet did, and space will probably be more responsible for changing the world than anything else. If humanity can expand beyond the Earth, obviously that's where the future is. * If we can be one of the companies that makes it possible for humans to become a multi-planetary species, that would be the Holy Grail. It sounds a bit crazy but it's going to happen, and only if people build the means to do so. We're making progress toward a greater philosophical goal while building a sound business. * When [[Henry Ford]] made cheap, reliable cars people said, "Nah, what's wrong with a horse?" That was a huge bet he made, and it worked. * It doesn’t do a great deal to advance the goal of humanity. I would pay $20 million not to spend six months in Russia. And besides this, my interest is how do we enable many other people to go to space, not necessarily me, personally. * If we can build something that is capable of taking people and equipment to Mars, such that it can service a transportation infrastructure for humanity becoming a multi- planet species - which I think is a very, very important objective - then I would consider the mission of SpaceX successful, at that point. <small>'''From: [https://web.archive.org/web/20080116110246/http://www.evancarmichael.com/Famous-Entrepreneurs/1610/Lesson-4-Use-Innovation-To-Break-Through-Your-Limitations.html Lesson #4: Use Innovation To Break Through Your Limitations]', 2007.</small> * We are used to things improving every year; we are used to having a better cell phone next year than this year; a better lap top. We are even used to some basic things, like we expect more from your car in next year’s model than last year’s model. But this is not the case in space; reliability and cost - those are the fundamental parameters of transportation - have not improved. * Starting and growing a business is as much about the innovation, drive and determination of the people who do it as it is about the product they sell. * So even if a fire develops, it can't really attack the particularly vulnerable locations like the pneumatic system or the avionics or the engine bay. We want to be in the situation that even if a fire develops, the rocket just keeps going. * A great deal of bargaining power with suppliers. We are never locked in to anyone. <small>'''From: [https://web.archive.org/web/20080115030617/http://www.evancarmichael.com/Famous-Entrepreneurs/1610/Lesson-5-Tap-Into-Todays-Top-Talent.html Lesson #5: Tap Into Today’s Top Talent]', 2007.</small> * I think it is a mistake to hire huge numbers of people to get a complicated job done. Numbers will never compensate for talent in getting the right answer (two people who don't know something are no better than one), will tend to slow down progress, and will make the task incredibly expensive. * My approach is simply to seek out very talented people, ensure that the environment at SpaceX is as motivating & enjoyable as possible and establish clear & measurable objectives. * [[Systems engineering|Rocket engineering]] is not like ditch digging. With ditch digging you can get 100 people and dig a ditch, and you will dig it a hundred times as faster if you get 100 people versus one. With rockets, you have to solve the problem of a particular level of difficulty; one person who can solve the problem is worth an infinite number of people who can’t. * I think that is a mistake and results in cloudy judgment on important technical issues. They can't tell if something is really good or not, so they just do what everyone else does, assuming it to be the safe bet. * We're adding a triple sign-off for all work done on the launch pad, on flight components, and flight critical GSE. You have a technician, a responsible engineer, and then quality assurance will sign the final, record all information, and take photographs of all the work that was done, and then make sure that all information is put into our quality assurance database, which is reviewed prior to launch. * Although I am new in the business, my team is not. I would say that, person for person, there has never been a better rocket company in existence, in history. I don’t think there has ever been a group this talented in one place, in one company, developing a rocket – ever. <small>'''From: [https://web.archive.org/web/20080117152711/http://www.evancarmichael.com/Famous-Entrepreneurs/1610/From-PayPal-To-Planetary-Success-How-Musk-Is-Changing-The-World-One-Company-At-A-Time.html From PayPal To Planetary Success: How Musk Is Changing The World One Company At A Time]', 2007.</small> * If you have millions of dollars it changes your lifestyle, and anyone who says differently is talking bullshit. I don’t need to work, from a standard of living point of view, but I do, you know. I work every day and on weekends and I haven’t taken a vacation for years. * This is the chance to fulfill a dream. * I’m nauseatingly pro-American. It is where great things are possible. * As life’s agents, it’s on our shoulders. ===2008=== * It was obviously a big disappointment not to reach orbit on this flight ... The most important message I’d like to send right now is that SpaceX will not skip a beat in execution going forward. We have flight four of Falcon 1 almost ready for flight and flight five right behind that. ... There should be absolutely zero question that SpaceX will prevail in reaching orbit and demonstrating reliable space transport. '''For my part, I will never give up and I mean never.''' ** 2 August 2008 [https://web.archive.org/web/20080915101342/http://spacex.com/updates.php#Update080208 in a message to SpaceX employees] after the failed third launch of the [[w:Falcon 1|Falcon 1]]. * Sooner or later, we must expand life beyond our little blue mud ball--or go extinct. ** 1 October 2008 [http://www.esquire.com/features/75-most-influential/elon-musk-1008 via Esquire] ===2009=== * The heroes of the books I read, ''The Lord of the Rings'' and the ''Foundation'' series, always felt a duty to save the world. ** 24 August 2009 {{cite web|url = http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2009/08/24/plugged-in|title = Plugged In: Can Elon Musk lead the way to an electric-car future? | publisher = New Yorker}} ===2012=== * When something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favor. ** 18 March 2012 ''60 Minutes'', season 44, episode 26 * We need to figure out how to have the things we love, and not destroy the world. ** 26 March 2012 {{cite web|title=Driving With Elon Musk|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSNXhHTLLIk}} * In terms of the Internet, it's like humanity acquiring a collective nervous system. Whereas previously we were more like a... collection of cells that communicated by diffusion. With the advent of the Internet, it was suddenly like we got a nervous system. It's a hugely impactful thing. ** 26 April 2012 {{cite news|last=Mann|first=Adam|title=Video: Wired’s Interview with SpaceX’s Elon Musk|url=http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2012/04/elon-musk-hangout/|accessdate=18 August|newspaper=Wired}} * So, I think the best analogy for rocket engineers, if you want to create complicated software, you can't run as an integrated whole, or run on the computer it's intended to run on, but, first time you run it, it has to run with no bugs. That's the essence of it. So ... we missed the mark there. ** 15 June 2012 [https://web.archive.org/web/20140622185729/https://commencement.caltech.edu/archive/speakers/2012_address 15 June 2012 Caltech Commencement Address] * I'd rather be optimistic and wrong; than pessimistic and right.<br>..<br>We have planes, trains, automobiles and boats, ... What if there was a fifth mode? ** 13 July 2012 {{cite news|last=Garber|first=Megan|title=The Real iPod: Elon Musk's Wild Idea for a 'Jetson Tunnel' from S.F. to L.A.|url=http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2012/07/the-real-ipod-elon-musks-wild-idea-for-a-jetson-tunnel-from-sf-to-la/259825/|accessdate=21 July 2012|newspaper=The Atlantic}} regarding [[Hyperloop]] * One thing that is important is that, if you have a choice between a lower valuation with someone you really like, or higher valuation with someone you have a question mark about, take the lower valuation. ** 17 July 2012 during interview with PandoDaily - Fireside Chat With Elon Musk * I would like to die on Mars; just not on impact. ** 12 September 2012 {{cite news|last=Vance|first=Ashley|title=Elon Musk, the 21st Century Industrialist|url=http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2012-09-13/elon-musk-the-21st-century-industrialist#p5|accessdate=14 September 2012|newspaper=Bloomberg}} ===2013=== * Since our primary competitors [in space launch] are national governments, the enforceability of patents is questionable. ** 19 March 2013 {{cite web|title=Elon Musk: The mind behind Tesla, SpaceX, SolarCity ...|url=http://www.ted.com/talks/elon_musk_the_mind_behind_tesla_spacex_solarcity.html}} * Even if there's a zombie apocalypse, you'll still be able to travel using the Tesla Supercharging system. ** 30 May 2013 {{cite web|url = http://autos.yahoo.com/blogs/motoramic/tesla-speeds-free-nationwide-charging-network-20-minute-183456360.html|title = Tesla speeds up free nationwide charging network, 20-minute quick repower | publisher = Yahoo!}} ===2014=== ====Foreword to Marc Kaufman's ''Mars Up Close''==== :2014 source [https://books.google.com/books/about/Mars_Up_Close.html?id=o6XaCwAAQBAJ ''Mars Up Close: Inside the Curiosity Mission'']. [[w:National Geographic Society|National Geographic]]. ISBN 978-1-4262-1278-9. * I plan to travel to [[w:Mars|Mars]] and make it my home.<br>..<br>People should be traveling to Mars and doing it in our lifetime. ** p. 9 * Only by breaking through to new paradigms of space travel will more than a handful of us ever get to Mars and make it a potentially livable place...<br>Getting to Mars is too big an accomplishment for us to feel proud by just by swinging by. We are a nation of enterprise as well as exploration, and we're not about to go there without making something of it. ** p. 10 * Sending large numbers of people to explore and settle Mars in the decades ahead isn't inevitable, but it is entirely possible. The biggest challenge isn't the engineering and spacecraft, however difficult they may be. Instead, it's making sure that a sustained Mars campaign proceeds as a national priority, and that will happen only if the American people are behind it. We have the opportunity now to make this happen. We might not be so fortunate in the future. ** p. 13 ===2015=== * Everything works in PowerPoint; but if you have the physical item or some demonstration software, that's much more convincing to people than a PowerPoint presentation or a business plan. ** January 23, 2015 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUuJKC3miLc Colonizing Mars The Future Belongs to SpaceX and Elon Musk] * First, you're going to have to live in transparent domes, but eventually, you can transform Mars into an Earth-like planet. You can warm it up. ** On ''[[w:The Late Show with Stephen Colbert|The Late Show with Stephen Colbert]]'' (September 9, 2015), as cited in [https://edition.cnn.com/2015/09/11/us/elon-musk-mars-nuclear-bomb-colbert-feat/index.html "Elon Musk’s new idea: Nuke Mars"], ''CNN'' (September 11, 2015) ** On the show, [[w:Stephen Colbert|Stephen Colbert]] said he had been trying to decide whether Musk was a superhero or a supervillain, the exchange led him to conclude the latter. [[w:University of Colorado Boulder|University of Colorado]] atmospheric and ocean sciences professor [[w:Owen Toon|Brian Toon]] told the [https://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-elon-musk-mars-20150910-htmlstory.html ''Los Angeles Times'']: "It seems possible to make it Earthlike, but there's a lot of barriers to overcome [...] Blowing up bombs is not a good one." * [The quick way to warm the planet] '''Drop thermonuclear weapons over the poles.''' ** On ''[[w:The Late Show with Stephen Colbert|The Late Show with Stephen Colbert]]'' (September 9, 2015), as cited in [https://edition.cnn.com/2015/09/11/us/elon-musk-mars-nuclear-bomb-colbert-feat/index.html "Elon Musk’s new idea: Nuke Mars"], ''CNN'' (September 11, 2015) ** On the show, [[w:Stephen Colbert|Stephen Colbert]] said he had been trying to decide whether Musk was a superhero or a supervillain, the exchange led him to conclude the latter. [[w:University of Colorado Boulder|University of Colorado]] atmospheric and ocean sciences professor [[w:Owen Toon|Brian Toon]] told the [https://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-elon-musk-mars-20150910-htmlstory.html ''Los Angeles Times'']: "It seems possible to make it Earthlike, but there's a lot of barriers to overcome [...] Blowing up bombs is not a good one." * I'm trying to do useful things. ** On ''[[w:The Late Show with Stephen Colbert|The Late Show with Stephen Colbert]]'' (September 9, 2015), as cited in [https://edition.cnn.com/2015/09/11/us/elon-musk-mars-nuclear-bomb-colbert-feat/index.html "Elon Musk’s new idea: Nuke Mars"], ''CNN'' (September 11, 2015) ** On the show, [[w:Stephen Colbert|Stephen Colbert]] said he had been trying to decide whether Musk was a superhero or a supervillain, the exchange led him to conclude the latter. [[w:University of Colorado Boulder|University of Colorado]] atmospheric and ocean sciences professor [[w:Owen Toon|Brian Toon]] told the [https://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-elon-musk-mars-20150910-htmlstory.html ''Los Angeles Times'']: "It seems possible to make it Earthlike, but there's a lot of barriers to overcome [...] Blowing up bombs is not a good one." * They [Apple] have hired people we've fired. We always jokingly call Apple the "Tesla Graveyard." If you don't make it at Tesla, you go work at Apple. I'm not kidding. ... cars are very complex compared to phones or smartwatches. You can't just go to a supplier like Foxconn and say: Build me a car. But for Apple, the car is the next logical thing to finally offer a significant innovation. A new pencil or a bigger iPad alone were not relevant enough. ** September 25, 2015 [http://global.handelsblatt.com/edition/271/ressort/companies-markets/article/all-charged-up-in-berlin All Charged Up in Berlin] in ''Handelsblatt'' * AI is much more advanced than people realize. ... Humanity's position on this planet depends on its intelligence so if our intelligence is exceeded, it's unlikely that we will remain in charge of the planet. ** 25 October 2015 [http://zdnet.com/article/artificial-intelligence-should-we-be-as-terrified-as-elon-musk-and-bill-gates Artificial intelligence: Should we be as terrified as Elon Musk and Bill Gates?] in ''ZDNet'' ===2016=== * SpaceX's got 5,000 people. I get a lot of attention, but they are really doing the work. ** 8 April 2016 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nz60GcmKOvc SpaceX Dragon Headed to the ISS] at NASA Post-Launch News Conference * I think we have a duty to maintain the light of consciousness to make sure it continues into the future. ** 8 March 2016 {{cite web|title=50-innovation-quotes-from-spacex-founder-elon-musk |url=https://www.inc.com/larry-kim/50-innovation-amp;-success-quotes-from-spacex-founder-elon-musk.html}} * The probability of death is quite high on the first [human] mission [to Mars]. ** 27 September 2016 [https://www.popsci.com/elon-musks-master-plan-for-colonizing-mars-gives-us-sci-fi-future-we-crave "Elon Musk's Plan To Colonize Mars Gives Us The Sci-Fi Future We Crave: Now let's see if he can make it reality."] ''Popular Science'' magazine * It would be an incredible adventure. And life needs to be more than just solving every day problems. You need to wake up and be excited about the future ** On "eyeing" for Mars, IAC 2016 meeting, presentation on sustainable Mars colonization. * I can be on my own private island with naked super models, drinking mai tais, but I'm not. I'm in the factory working my ass off, so I don't want to hear about how hard everyone else in the factory works. ** Quoted in "Power Play: Tesla, Elon Musk, and the Bet of the Century" (2021) by Tim Higgins ===2017=== * People are mistaken when they think that technology just automatically improves. It does not automatically improve. It only improves if a lot of people work very hard to make it better, and actually it will, I think, by itself degrade, actually. You look at great civilizations like Ancient Egypt, and they were able to make the pyramids, and they forgot how to do that. And then the Romans, they built these incredible aqueducts. They forgot how to do it. ** 9 May 2017 [http://www.businessinsider.com/brilliant-career-advice-from-elon-musk-2017-5 Career advice from Elon Musk's latest TED interview, in one sentence] at 2017 TED conference * I think there is a strong humanitarian argument for making life multi-planetary in order to safeguard the existence of humanity in the event that something catastrophic were to happen. ** 3 October 2017 in DK Smithsonian, ''Journey: An Illustrated History of Travel'', ISBN 978-1-4654-6414-9 (Page 343). * Every person in your company is a vector. Your progress is determined by the sum of all vectors. ** 16 October 2017 in [https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-elon-musk-taught-me-growing-business-dharmesh-shah/ LinkedIn: What Elon Musk Taught Me About Growing A Business] * Rocket tech applied to a car opens up revolutionary possibilities. ** 19 November 2017 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/932322853009080320 tweet] * I love Twitter. How much is it? ** 22 December 2017 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/943902052542849024 tweet] & [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/943901463998169088 tweet] ===2018=== * Holy flying fuck, that thing took off! ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BL4dnvBytLA 12 February 2018] reaction to Falcon Heavy Launch * I don’t get the little ship thing. You can’t show up at Mars in something the size of a rowboat. What if there are Martians? It would be so embarrassing. ** [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/965769366422798337 19 February 2018] * Never saw this British expat guy who lives in Thailand (sus) at any point when we were in the caves. Only people in sight were the Thai navy/army guys, who were great. Thai navy seals escorted us in — total opposite of wanting us to leave. Water level was actually very low & still (not flowing) — you could literally have swum to Cave 5 with no gear, which is obv how the kids got in. If not true, then I challenge this dude to show final rescue video. You know what, don’t bother showing the video. We will make one of the mini-sub/pod going all the way to Cave 5 no problemo. Sorry pedo guy, you really did ask for it. ** 15 July 2018 referring to British diver Vern Unsworth, who participated in the [[w:Tham Luang cave rescue#Search and contact|Tham Luang cave rescue]]. As quoted in ''[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/thai-cave-rescue-elon-musk-british-diver-vern-unsworth-twitter-pedo-a8448366.html Elon Musk calls British diver who helped rescue Thai schoolboys 'pedo guy' in Twitter outburst]'' by Eleanor Busby, ''{{w|The Independent}}''. * I suggest that you call people you know in Thailand, find out what’s actually going on and stop defending child rapists, you fucking asshole.<br>He’s an old, single white guy from England who’s been traveling to or living in Thailand for 30 to 40 years, mostly Pattaya Beach, until moving to Chiang Rai for a child bride who was about 12 years old at the time.<br>As for this alleged threat of a lawsuit, which magically appeared when I raised the issue (nothing was sent or raised beforehand), I fucking hope he sues me. ** 30 August 2018 e-mail to Ryan Mac of BuzzFeed with follow-up commentary about Unsworth, per [https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/ryanmac/elon-musk-thai-cave-rescuer-accusations-buzzfeed-email 4 September 2018 article] *** [https://twitter.com/RMac18/status/1037411295224623104 this tweet] from Ryan Mac has Mac claim "I did not agree to go off the record, and he never asked." however the screenshot of the e-mail shows that Musk precedes this private e-mail to him with "Off the record" * Off the record. We haven't had a conversation at all. I sent you an off the record email, which very clearly and unambiguously said "off the record". If you want to publish off the record comments and destroy your journalistic credibility, that's up to you. As for answering more questons, I would be happy to do so, but not with someone who just told me that they will not honor accepted rules of journalism. ** 4 September 2018 [https://twitter.com/RMac18/status/1037412604724039683 retort] to [[Ryan Mac]] * People tend to think like, 'Why should electric vehicles have a subsidy,' but they're not taking into account that all fossil fuel-burning vehicles fundamentally are subsidized by the cost—the environmental cost—to Earth, but nobody's paying for it... We are going to pay for it, obviously—in the future we'll pay for it. It's just not paid for now. ** 6 September 2018 interview with [[Joe Rogan]] * if you assume any rate of improvement at all, then games will be indistinguishable from reality<br>we could be in base reality<br>this is just about [[probability]]<br>there are many, many simulations<br>you might as well call them reality, or [[multiverse]]<br>they're running on the substrate ... that substrate is probably boring ** 7 September 2018 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycPr5-27vSI discussing simulation theory on #1169] of [[Joe Rogan]] Experience * Guardian is the most insufferable newspaper on planet Earth. ** 7 September 2018 [https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2018/sep/07/tesla-chief-elon-musk-smokes-marijuana-on-live-web-show e-mail to Guardian], possibly repeated later on a [[Joe Rogan]] podcast * I don't think most people, even in the aerospace industry, like, know what question to ask. Like it took us a long time to even frame the question correctly. But once we could frame the question correctly, the answer was, I wouldn't say easy, but, '''the answer flowed once the question could be framed with precision'''. Framing that question with precision was very difficult. ** 17 September 2018 regarding the BFR, during announcement of first private passenger on lunar mission * im actually cat girl here’s selfie rn ** 25 October 2018 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1055653541317042177 tweet] * [Artificial intelligence] is just digital intelligence. And as the algorithms and the hardware improve, that digital intelligence will exceed biological intelligence by a substantial margin. It's obvious. Ensuring that the advent of AI is good, or at least we try to make it good, seems like a smart move. '''We're not paying attention. We worry more about what name somebody called someone else, than whether AI will destroy humanity. That's insane. We're like children in a playground.''' ... The way in which a regulation is put in place is slow and linear. If you have a linear response to an exponential threat, it's quite likely the exponential threat will win. That, in a nutshell, is the issue.<br>..<br>Your probability of dying on Mars is much higher than earth. Really, the ad for going to Mars would be like [[Ernest Shackleton#Misattributed|Shackleton’s ad]] for going to the Antarctic: '''"It’s gonna be hard. There’s a good chance of death, going in a little can through deep space. You might land successfully. Once you land successfully, you’ll be working nonstop to build the base. So, you know, not much time for leisure. And even after doing all this, it’s a very harsh environment, so there’s a good chance you die there. We think you can come back, but we’re not sure."''' Now, does that sound like an escape hatch for rich people?<br>..<br>No one should put this many hours into work. This is not good. People should not work this hard. They should not do this. This is very painful. ...it hurts my brain and my heart. ... This is not recommended for anyone. ... I just did it because if I didn't do it, then there was a good chance Tesla would die.<br>..<br>I believe there’s some explanation for this universe, which you might call God. ** 25 November 2018 ''Axios'', season 1, episode 4 * When a species of primate, ''homo sapiens'', became much smarter than other primates, it pushed all the other ones into a very small habitat. So there are very few mountain gorillas and orangutans and chimpanzees — monkeys in general. They occupy small corners of the world - cages...zoos. Even the jungles that they're in are narrowly defined so they were sort of like big cages ... So, you know, that's one possible outcome for us. ** Quoted in [https://www.axios.com/2018/11/26/elon-musk-humans-must-merge-with-machines-1543240787 "Elon Musk: Humans must merge with machines"], ''Axios'' (Nov 26, 2018) ===2019=== * The fundamental message that consumers should be taking today is that it's financially insane to buy anything other than a Tesla. It would be like owning a horse in three years. I mean, fine if you want to own a horse. But you should go into it with that expectation. If you buy a car that does not have the hardware for full self-driving, it is like buying a horse. And the only car that has the hardware for full self-driving is a Tesla. ** 22 April 2019 during the Tesla Autonomy Investor Day, at Tesla Headquarters in Palo Alto, CA * It’s so insane the way rockets work today. It would be like if you got a plane and the way you get to your destination is you bail out with a parachute over the city in question and your plane crash lands somewhere. That’s how rockets work today—with the exception of Falcon 9. This is completely bonkers.<br>..If it were to take longer to convince NASA and the authorities that we can do it versus just doing it, then [SpaceX] might just do it [ourselves]. It may literally be easier to just land Starship on the moon than try to convince NASA that we can. ** 12 July 2019 in [https://time.com/5628572/elon-musk-moon-landing/ ''Time'' magazine article] *'''Nuke Mars!'''<br>T-shirt soon. ** 15 August 2019 tweets, as cited in [https://www.space.com/elon-musk-nuke-mars-terraforming.html "Elon Musk Floats 'Nuke Mars' Idea Again (He Has T-Shirts)"], ''Space.com'' (August 17, 2019) * Nuke Mars refers to a continuous stream of very low fallout nuclear fusion explosions above the atmosphere to create artificial suns. Much like our sun, this would not cause Mars to become radioactive.<br>Not risky imo & can be adjusted/improved real-time. Essentially need to figure out most effective way to convert mass to energy, as Mars is slightly too far from this solar system's fusion reactor (the sun). ** 20 August 2019 tweet as cited in [https://www.nbcnews.com/mach/science/nuke-mars-elon-musk-seems-serious-about-plan-terraform-red-ncna1045181 "Nuke Mars? Elon Musk seems serious about plan to terraform the red planet"], ''NBC News'' (August 22, 2019, reprinted from Space.com) * No, just like [Unsworth] didn’t clarify he wanted to sodomize me with a submarine. I didn’t think it required clarification, I think that would have been worse. If you called someone a motherf’er I don’t think you would have to clarify you don’t actually commit incest. It would sound disingenuous. ** 3 December 2019 per [https://www.cnn.com/2019/12/03/media/elon-musk-testifies/index.html CNN article] exploring lawsuit from Vernon Unsworth ===="Starship Update" talk at the SpaceX facility in Boca Chica, Texas on September 28, 2019==== * According to the geological records, earth has been around for around 4.5 billion years, although it was mostly molten magma for about half a billion years... The sun is gradually getting hotter and bigger, and over time, even in the absence of global warming — the man-made stuff — the sun will expand and it will overheat the earth. My guess is probably... there is only several hundred million years left.... '''Basically, if it took an extra 10% longer for conscious life to evolve on earth, it wouldn't evolve at all, because it would have been incinerated by the sun.''' ... '''It appears that consciousness is a very rare and precious thing, and we should take whatever steps we can to preserve the light of consciousness''', and the window has been open; only now after four and a half billion years is that window open, that's a long time to wait ... I'm pretty optimistic by nature, but there's some chance that window will not be open for long, I think we should become a multi-planet civilization while that window is open, and if we do the I think probable outcome for Earth is even better, because then you know Mars could help Earth one day. And so I think we should really do our very best to become a multi-planet species and to extend consciousness beyond Earth, and we should do it now. Thank you. ** https://youtube.com/watch?v=sOpMrVnjYeY&t=2303 * I have this mantra. It's called, '''"If a schedule is long, it's wrong. If it's tight, it's right."''' And I've just, basically just go recursive improvement on schedule, with feedback loop. "Did this make it go faster? OK. If it didn't, we're going to need to fix it." '''If the design takes a long time to build, it's the wrong design.''' This is the fundamental thing. Over and over, the tendency is to complicate things. And I have another thing which is, '''the best part is no part. The best process is no process. It weighs nothing, costs nothing, can't go wrong.''' So, as obvious as that sounds, the best part is no part. The thing I'm most impressed with, when I have the design meetings at SpaceX, is "What did you undesign?" '''Undesigning is the best thing. Just delete it. That's the best thing.''' ** During Q&A at the "Starship Update" presentation, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOpMrVnjYeY&t=4807 ===2020=== * If somebody wants to stay in their house, that’s great. They should be allowed to stay in their house, and they should not be compelled to leave. But to say that they cannot leave their house, and they will be arrested if they do, this is fascist. This is not democratic. This is not freedom. ** 30 April 2020 quote by Susan Walsh, “Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg Aren’t on the Same Page,” ''New York Times'' * This notion though, that you can just sort of send checks out to everybody and things will be fine is not true, obviously. Some have this absurd view that the economy is like some magic horn of plenty… that just makes stuff. There’s a magic horn of plenty, and the goods and services, they just come from this magic horn of plenty. And then if somebody has more stuff than somebody else, it’s because they took more from this magic horn of plenty. Now let me just break it to the fools out there: If you don’t make stuff, there’s no stuff. If you don’t make the food, if you don’t process the food, if you don’t transport the food, medical treatment, getting your teeth fixed, there’s no stuff. We’ve become detached from reality. You can’t just legislate money and solve these things. If you don’t make stuff, there is no stuff. ** 7 May 2020 on [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/joe-rogan-elon-musk-podcast-transcript-may-7-2020 podcast] with Joe Rogan * We must pass the great filter! ** 21 June 2020 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1274614961151414273 tweet] and [https://techstartups.com/2020/06/21/elon-musk-we-must-pass-the-great-filter-social-media-is-a-limbic-amplifier-which-inherently-destabilizes-civilization TechFilter] * We [the United States] will coup whoever we want! Deal with it. ** 24 July 2020 [https://web.archive.org/web/20200725105419/https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1286866843307737088 tweet (archived)] * The extreme difficulty of scaling production of new technology is not well understood. It’s 1000% to 10,000% harder than making a few prototypes. The machine that makes the machine is vastly harder than the machine itself. ** 21 September 2020 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1308284091142266881 tweet] ===2021=== * All designs are wrong, it's just a matter of how wrong. ** Said while giving tour of Starbase to [[w:Tim Dodd|Tim Dodd]] (July 30, 2021), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t705r8ICkRw *Possibly, the most common error of a smart engineer is to optimize something that should not exist. **Said while giving tour of Starbase to Tim Dodd (July 30, 2021), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t705r8ICkRw * If WFP can describe on this Twitter thread exactly how $6B will solve world hunger, I will sell Tesla stock right now and do it.<br>But it must be open source accounting, so the public sees precisely how the money is spent. ** 31 October 2021 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1454808104256737289 9:50am reply by Elon] to [https://twitter.com/DrEliDavid/status/1454475769200185349 30 October 2021 tweet] by [[Eli David]] regarding the United Nations' World Food Program, reported [https://www.rebelnews.com/elon_musk_calls_out_un_director_bluff_that_his_wealth_could_solve_world_hunger 1 November 2021 by RebelNews] *** Eli was responding to a 26 October 2021 in response article by Eoin McSweeney and Adam Pourahmadi of CNN Business. It was originally titled [https://archive.md/uOM6k "2% of Elon Musk's wealth could solve world hunger"] but the title was amended to [https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/26/economy/musk-world-hunger-wfp-intl/index.html "2% of Elon Musk's wealth could help solve world hunger"] (adding "help") **** McSceeney and Pourahmadi are referencing David Beasley's interview on CNN's Connect the World with Becky Anderson * What happened here? ** October 31, 2021 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1454930023966773249 9:55pm reply] to [[David Beasley]] *** Musk included in this tweet a link to [https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/627783/Starving-children-as-young-as-NINE-forced-to-give-UN-officials-oral-sex-to-get-food/amp an 18 December 2015 article by Jonathan Bucks of Express] * Bernie is a taker, not a maker ** November 14, 2021 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1460051518124699650 tweet] about [[Bernie Sanders]] * For those wondering, I will pay over $11 billion in taxes this year. ** [https://www.forbes.com/sites/siladityaray/2021/12/20/elon-musk-claims-he-will-pay-more-than-11-billion-in-taxes-this-year/?sh=25a1d7724675 “Elon Musk Claims He Will Pay More Than $11 Billion In Taxes This Year.”] Forbes, Siladitya, (December 20, 2021) [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1472754632325795843?lang=en tweet on Dec. 19, 2021] * "I find history fascinating. There's a lot of incredible things that have been done, good and bad, that they help you understand the nature of civilization and individuals." ** [https://deepcast.fm/episode/1696/252-elon-musk-spacex-mars-tesla-autopilot-self-driving-robotics-and-ai#quotes/ "#252 - Elon Musk: SpaceX, Mars, Tesla Autopilot, Self-Driving, Robotics, and AI", on Lex Fridman Podcast, found on DeepCast] (28 December 2021) * "We need to expand the scope and scale of consciousness so that we're better able to understand the nature of the universe and understand the meaning of life." ** [https://deepcast.fm/episode/1696/252-elon-musk-spacex-mars-tesla-autopilot-self-driving-robotics-and-ai#quotes/ "#252 - Elon Musk: SpaceX, Mars, Tesla Autopilot, Self-Driving, Robotics, and AI", on Lex Fridman Podcast, found on DeepCast] (28 December 2021) ===2022=== * If you scare people enough, they will demand removal of freedom. This is the path to tyranny. ** Tweet (January. 27, 2022), as cited in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/elon-musk-joe-biden-covid-b2002867.html "Musk calls Biden a 'damp sock puppet' and rants about Covid-19 restrictions: 'This is the path to tyranny'"] ''The Independent'' (London, January 28, 2022) ** Response to the [[COVID-19 pandemic in the United States|COVID-19 pandemic]]. * I don't think we should try to have people live for a really long time. That it would cause asphyxiation of society because the truth is, most people don't change their mind. They just die. So if they don't die, we will be stuck with old ideas and society wouldn't advance. ** [https://www.businessinsider.com/elon-musk-interview-axel-springer-tesla-war-in-ukraine-2022-3 "Musk Discusses War in Ukraine and Importance of Nuclear Power"], ''[[w:Business Insider]]'' (March 26, 2022) * I'm talking about not having kids in the first place. That's the problem. ** Tweet (April 3, 2022), cited in [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2022/07/elon-musk-tries-to-populate-mars-himself.html "Is Elon Musk Trying to Populate Mars Himself?"] ''New York'' magazine (July 7, 2022). ** The total population of the world is now 8 billion. * A good sign as to whether there is free speech is, "Is someone you don't like allowed to say something you don't like?" ** [https://www.ted.com/talks/elon_musk_elon_musk_talks_twitter_tesla_and_how_his_brain_works_live_at_ted2022 "Elon Musk talks Twitter, Tesla and how his brain works"], TED2022 (April 14, 2022; at 19:39) * This is not a way to make money.... I don't care about the economics at all. ** [https://www.cbc.ca/news/business/elon-musk-twitter-free-speech-1.6419523 "Elon Musk launches hostile bid for [[Twitter]] claiming free-speech concerns"], ''CBC'' (April 14, 2022) * This is just my strong, intuitive sense ... that having a public platform that is maximally trusted and broadly inclusive is extremely important to the future of civilization ** [https://www.cbc.ca/news/business/elon-musk-twitter-free-speech-1.6419523 "Elon Musk launches hostile bid for [[Twitter]] claiming free-speech concerns"], ''CBC'' (April 14, 2022) * Do you still have a half billion dollar short position against Tesla?<br />Sorry, but I cannot take your philanthropy on climate change seriously when you have a massive short position against Tesla, the company doing the most to solve climate change. ** April 22, 2022 reply to [[Bill Gates]] per [https://www.businessinsider.com/elon-musk-turned-down-bill-gates-philanthropy-over-tesla-short-2022-4 Business Insider article] * NBC basically saying Republicans are Nazis … Same org that covered up Hunter Biden laptop story, had Harvey Weinstein story early & killed it & built Matt Lauer his rape office. Lovely people. ** May 2, 2022 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1521181798067224578 tweet] * Apple's store is like having a 30% tax on the Internet. Definitely not ok. Literally 10 times higher than it should be. ** [http://macrumors.com/2022/05/03/elon-musk-criticizes-app-store-fees Elon Musk Says Apple's 30% App Store Fee is 'Literally 10 Times Higher Than It Should Be'] in ''MacRumors'' (3 May 2022). * A collapsing birth rate is the biggest danger civilization faces by far. Doing my best to help the underpopulation crisis. ** Tweet (<!-- posted on Thursday -->July 7, 2022), as cited in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/business/2022/07/07/elon-musk-reportedly-welcomed-twins-secret-last-year-one-top/ "Elon Musk says he is 'doing his bit to help underpopulation' after fathering twins with executive"] ''The Telegraph'' (July 7, 2022) ** Tweet followed the birth of twins taking his reported number of children to 9. * Population of Mars is still zero people! ** Tweet (July 7, 2022), cited in [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2022/07/elon-musk-tries-to-populate-mars-himself.html "Is Elon Musk Trying to Populate Mars Himself?"] ''New York'' magazine (July 7, 2022) * I don’t hate the man, but it’s time for Trump to hang up his hat & sail into the sunset. Dems should also call off the attack – don’t make it so that Trump’s only way to survive is to regain the Presidency. ** [https://www.cnbc.com/2022/07/12/elon-musk-says-its-time-for-trump-to-sail-into-the-sunset.html "Elon Musk says it’s time for Trump to ‘sail into the sunset’"], ''CNBC'' (July 12, 2024) * Let’s try this then: the will of the people who live in the Donbas & Crimea should decide whether they’re part of Russia or Ukraine ** October 3, 2022 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1576994262226702336 poll on Twitter] - the voting options were 'yes' and 'no' * You are assuming that I wish to be popular. I don't care. I do care that millions of people may die needlessly for an essentially identical outcome.<br />Russia is doing partial mobilization. They go to full war mobilization if Crimea is at risk. Death on both sides will be devastating.<br />Russia has >3 times population of Ukraine, so victory for Ukraine is unlikely in total war. If you care about the people of Ukraine, seek peace. ** October 3, 2022 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1576998577758666752 tweet] * I still very much support Ukraine, but am convinced that massive escalation of the war will cause great harm to Ukraine and possibly the world. ** (October 3, 2022; 7:47pm) [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1577083012914651142 tweet] * I play the fool on Twitter and often shoot myself in the foot and cause myself all sorts of trouble . . . I don't know, I find it vaguely therapeutic to express myself on Twitter. It's a way to get messages out to the public. ** Predicted dangerous changes in [https://agupubs.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/2013GL058376 the Sun], as opposed to [[w:Climate change|climate change]] caused by humans, are not considered likely to happen for 1 to 1.5 billion years. * Something will happen to Earth eventually, it’s just a question of time. Eventually the sun will expand and destroy all life on Earth, so we do need to move at some point, or at least be a multi-planet species. [...] You have to ask the question: do we want to be a space-flying civilisation and a multi-planet species or not? [...] It's a question of what percentage of resources should we devote to such an endeavour? I think if you say 1 per cent of resources, that's probably a reasonable amount. ** Interview comments cited in the [https://www.ft.com/content/5ef14997-982e-4f03-8548-b5d67202623a "Elon Musk: 'Aren’t you entertained?'"], ''Financial Times'' (October 7, 2022) ** Predicted dangerous changes in [https://agupubs.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/2013GL058376 the Sun], as opposed to [[w:Climate change|climate change]] caused by humans, are not considered likely to happen for 1 to 1.5 billion years. * I'm subject to literally a million laws and regulations and I obey almost 99.99 per cent of them. It's only when I think the law is contrary to the interest of the people that I have an issue. ** Interview comments cited in the [https://www.ft.com/content/5ef14997-982e-4f03-8548-b5d67202623a "Elon Musk: 'Aren’t you entertained?'"], ''Financial Times'' (October 7, 2022) ** Predicted dangerous changes in [https://agupubs.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/2013GL058376 the Sun], as opposed to [[w:Climate change|climate change]] caused by humans, are not considered likely to happen for 1 to 1.5 billion years. * I have spoken to [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]] only once and that was about 18 months ago. The subject matter was space. ** [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1579879154463690752 Tweet] (October 11, 2022), as cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2022/oct/11/elon-musk-denies-report-he-spoke-to-putin-about-use-of-nuclear-weapons "Elon Musk denies report he spoke to Putin about use of nuclear weapons"], ''The Guardian'' (October 11, 2022) ** [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/10/11/business/elon-musk-ian-bremmer-putin-ukraine-intl-hnk/index.html It had been claimed Musk had spoken to Putin recently about Musk's peace plan] which would have meant Ukraine accepting neutrality and Crimea being part of Russia, also stated objectives of the Russian government. * I see a path for Tesla to be worth more than Apple and Saudi Aramco combined. ** [http://appleinsider.com/articles/22/10/19/elon-musk-again-claims-one-day-tesla-will-get-bigger-than-apple-is-today Elon Musk again claims one day Tesla will get bigger than Apple is today] in ''AppleInsider'' (20 October 2022). * The reason I acquired Twitter is because it is important to the future of civilization to have a common digital town square, where a wide range of beliefs can be debated in a healthy manner, without resorting to violence. There is currently great danger that social media will splinter into far right-wing and far left wing echo chambers that generate more hate and divide our society... That is why I bought Twitter. I didn't do it because it would be easy. I didn't do it to make more money. I did it to try to help humanity, whom I love ... That said, Twitter obviously cannot become a free-for-all hellscape where anything can be said with no consequences! ** October 27, 2022 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1585619322239561728 tweet] * There is a tiny possibility there might be more to this story than meets the eye, ** 29 October 2022 response to [[Hilary Clinton]] regarding the [[Paul Pelosi]] attack, attested to [https://www.axios.com/2022/10/30/elon-musk-paul-pelosi-tweet-rumor October 30th by Axios], Elon linked to [https://www.smobserved.com/story/2022/10/29/news/the-awful-truth-paul-pelosi-was-drunk-again-and-in-a-dispute-with-a-male-prostitute-early-friday-morning/7191.html this October 29th story] by the Santa Monica Observer. Elon deleted the tweet later that day, after news coverage like [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/crime/elon-musk-paul-pelosi-attack-hillary-clinton-b2213757.html Rachel Sharp of The Independent], and apologized on January 28, 2023, after video of the incident was released to the public. [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1619415871902056449?cxt=HHwWgoDQxfmJqfksAAAA tweet] * Regarding Twitter’s reduction in force, unfortunately there is no choice when the company is losing over $4M/day. ** [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1588671155766194176 tweet] via[[Twitter]] (November 4, 2022) * We do ** November 7, 2022 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1589613451839942657 tweet] in response to [[Tom Fitton]] saying "I wonder if @ElonMusk's @Twitter has tortious interference claims against the Left activist groups which are causing damaging advertiser boycotts of the platform?" * To independent-minded voters: Shared power curbs the worst excesses of both parties, therefore I recommend voting for a Republican Congress, given that the Presidency is Democratic. ** November 7, 2022 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1589639376186724354 tweet] * And lead us not into temptation … ** November 20, 2022 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1594500655724609536 tweet] accompanying an image of a praying man captioned [[Donald Trump]] ignoring a woman censored by a Twitter logo * I wonder what Earth will be like 88 million years from now ** November 26, 2022 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1596439328338890752 tweet] * So city of [[SF]] attacks [[companies]] providing beds for tired employees instead of making sure [[kids]] are safe from [[fentanyl]]. Where are your priorities ** December 7, 2022 quoted in [https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2022-12-07/san-francisco-investigating-allegation-that-twitter-converted-office-space-to-beds-for-workers San Francisco investigating allegation that Twitter converted office space to bedrooms for workers] by Noah Goldberg * The Twitter Files on free speech suppression soon to be published on Twitter itself. The public deserves to know what really happened. ** December 8, 2022 [https://gizmodo.com/elon-musk-wikipedia-twitter-twitter-files-1849869127 "Wikipedia Founder Indirectly Tells Elon Musk the Site 'Is Not for Sale'"] by Nikki Main * Forcing your pronouns upon others when they didn’t ask, and implicitly ostracizing those who don’t, is neither good nor kind to anyone.<br>As for Fauci, he lied to Congress and funded gain-of-function research that killed millions of people. Not awesome imo. ** December 11, 2022 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1602113254360162304 tweet] * Is there a conspiracy theory about Twitter that didn’t turn out to be true? So far they’ve all turned out to be true — if not more true than people thought. ** [https://rumble.com/v22cxba-elon-musk-on-how-much-more-twitter-files-there-will-be.html “All-In” podcast], theme of show, “all things” with Chamath Palihapitiva, co-host (December 27, 2022) ===2023=== * The media is racist. For a *very* long time, US media was racist against non-white people, now they're racist against whites & Asians.<br />Same thing happened with elite colleges & high schools in America.<br />Maybe they can try not being racist. ** February 26, 2023 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1629764614870167552 tweet] about comments by cartoonist [[Scott Adams]] (26 February 2023), cited in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-64790657 article] ''BBC News'' (February 27, 2023) * Better to talk to people than communicate via tweet. ** March 8, 2023 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1633240643727138824 tweet] * Best way to fight misinformation is to respond with accurate information, not censorship ** March 16, 2023 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1636453969491836930 tweet] * Blooper reel must be amazing. ** March 26, 2023 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1640170427271069699 tweet] referencing [[King Kong]] * Any parent or doctor who sterilizes a child before they are a consenting adult should go to prison for life ** April 14, 2023 [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1646824088940232704 tweet] * Now you can still satisfy the [[w:Limbic system|limbic]] instinct but not procreate. So we haven't yet evolved to deal with that because this is all fairly recent in the last 50 years or so before birth control. * I'm sort of worried that hey, civilization, if we don't make enough people to at least sustain our numbers, perhaps increase a little bit, then civilization's going to crumble. ** On ''Tucker Carlson Tonight'' (April 18, 2023), cited in [https://www.salon.com/2023/04/19/elon-musk-tucker-carlson-twitter-birth-control-democracy/ "Elon Musk and "Tucker Carlson Tonight": A distracting match made in misinformation paradise"] ''Salon'' (April 19, 2023) * You assume they are good intentions. They are not. He wants to erode the very fabric of civilization. [[George Soros|Soros]] hates humanity. ** Tweet (15 May 2023), as cited in [https://edition.cnn.com/2023/05/16/business/elon-musk-george-soros/index.html "Elon Musk claims George Soros 'hates humanity.' The ADL says Musk's attacks 'will embolden extremists'"] ''CNN'' (May 16, 2023) ** In an earlier tweet, Musk had compared [[George Soros]], a Jewish Holocaust survivor, to [[w:X-Men|X-Men]] criminal [[w:Magneto (Marvel Comics)|Magneto]], a Marvel comic book survivor of the Holocaust. * I'll say what I want to say, and if the consequence of that is losing money, so be it. ** Interview on CNBC (May 16, 2023) as cited in [https://www.businessinsider.com/elon-musk-misquotes-princess-bride-tweets-conspiracy-theories-lose-money-2023-5 "Elon Musk misquoted 'The Princess Bride' when asked why he keeps tweeting political opinions and antisemitic conspiracy theories: 'If we lose money, so be it'"] ''Insider'' (17 May 2023) ** In response to criticism over his tweets about George Soros * I think that the whole notion of work from home is a bit like the fake Marie Antoinette quote, "Let them eat cake". It's not just a productivity thing, I think it’s morally wrong. [...] People should get off the goddamn moral high horse with the work-from-home bullshit. **Interview on CNBC (May 16, 2023) as cited in [https://www.cnbc.com/2023/05/16/elon-musk-work-from-home-morally-wrong-when-some-have-to-show-up.html "Elon Musk: Working from home is ‘morally wrong’ when service workers still have to show up"], ''CNBC'' (Englewood Cliffs, May 16, 2023) * If you were unfairly treated by your employer due to posting or liking something on this platform, we will fund your legal bill. No limit. ** https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1688022163574439937 * I support Russell Brand. That man is not evil. ** Tweets/posts on 'X', as cited in [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/russell-brand-supporters-elon-musk-andrew-tate-nqd2hk6nq "The backers of Russell Brand claim ‘agenda’ lies behind allegations"], ''The Times'' (London, September 18, 2023) * [the media] don’t like the competition. ** Tweets/posts on 'X', as cited in [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/russell-brand-supporters-elon-musk-andrew-tate-nqd2hk6nq "The backers of Russell Brand claim ‘agenda’ lies behind allegations"], ''The Times'' (London, September 18, 2023) * History is written by the victors. Well, yes, but not if your enemies are still alive and have a lot of time on their hands to edit [[Wikipedia]]. ** Tweets/posts on 'X', as cited in [https://twitter.com/KanekoaTheGreat/status/1703911656156430785] (September 19, 2023) * Have you ever wondered why the [[Wikimedia Foundation]] wants so much money? It certainly isn’t needed to operate Wikipedia. You can literally fit a copy of the entire text on your phone! So, what’s the money for? Inquiring minds want to know… ** [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1716093692698566927 ''X''], (October 22, 2023); as quoted by Matthew Gault, [https://www.vice.com/en/article/elon-musk-still-doesnt-understand-how-wikipedia-works/ “Elon Musk Still Doesn’t Understand How Wikipedia Works”], ''Vice'', (October 23, 2023) * Instead of knowledge, schools pour poison into the ears of our children ** [https://x.com/elonmusk/status/1711956787081969934?s=46] * It is not clear who has authority for ground links in [[Gaza]], but do we know that no [[terminal]] has requested a connection in that area ** [https://www.politico.com/news/2023/10/28/musk-says-starlink-will-support-connectivity-to-aid-organizations-in-gaza-00124090 Musk says Starlink will support connectivity to aid organizations in Gaza] (28 October, 2023) * We will have something that is, for the first time smarter than the smartest human. It's hard to say exactly what that moment is, but there will come a point where no job is needed. You can have a job if you wanted to have a job for personal satisfaction. But the AI would be able to do everything. I don't know if that makes people comfortable or uncomfortable. If you wish for a magic genie, that gives you any wish you want, and there's no limit. You don't have those three wish limits nonsense, it's both good and bad. One of the challenges in the future will be how do we find meaning in life. ** [https://www.cnbc.com/2023/11/02/tesla-boss-elon-musk-says-ai-will-create-situation-where-no-job-is-needed.html ''Elon Musk says AI will eventually create a situation where 'no job is needed'''] (November 2, 2023) * You can have a job if you want to have it for personal pleasure. But AI could do everything. **[https://archive.vn/rEURg Bill Gates teases the possibility of a 3-day work week where ‘machines can make all the food and stuff’] (November 23, 2023) * What this advertising boycott is going to do is, it is going to kill the company [...] And the whole world will know that those advertisers killed the company ** From an interview with [[w:Andrew Ross Sorkin|Andrew Ross Sorkin]] at ''The New York Times'' Dealbook Summit (29 November 2023), as cited in [https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/business/business-news/elon-musk-talks-x-advertiser-exodus-dealbook-summit-1235698937/ "Elon Musk to Advertisers Who Left X: 'Go F*** Yourself'"], ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (29 November 2023) ** [https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/business/business-news/bob-iger-dealbook-summit-disney-1235698528/ At the same event], earlier in the day, Disney CEO [[Bob Iger]] had explained his reasons for ceasing to advertise on X (formerly known as Twitter). * Don't advertise. If someone is going to try and blackmail me with advertising? Blackmail me with money? Go fuck yourself [...] Go fuck yourself, is that clear? Hey Bob, if you're in the audience. That's how I feel, don't advertise. ** From an interview with [[w:Andrew Ross Sorkin|Andrew Ross Sorkin]] at ''The New York Times'' Dealbook Summit (29 November 2023), as cited in [https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/business/business-news/elon-musk-talks-x-advertiser-exodus-dealbook-summit-1235698937/ "Elon Musk to Advertisers Who Left X: 'Go F*** Yourself'"], ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (29 November 2023) ** [https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/business/business-news/bob-iger-dealbook-summit-disney-1235698528/ At the same event], earlier in the day, Disney CEO [[Bob Iger]] had explained his reasons for ceasing to advertise on X (formerly known as Twitter). * Offer me money, offer me strength, I don't care. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFB2Kx0DtJM] (May 17, 2023) * The woke mind virus consists of creating very, very divisive identity politics…[that] amplifies racism; amplifies, frankly, sexism; and all of the -isms while claiming to do the opposite...It actually divides people and makes them hate each other and hate themselves. ** Quoted in [https://www.wsj.com/tech/elon-musk-woke-mind-virus-41576aa6 "Why Elon Musk Won’t Stop Talking About a ‘Woke Mind Virus’"], ''WSJ'' (Dec. 23, 2023) ===2024=== * Just don't invade Russia. It's never a good idea. ** January 4, 2024 [https://thepressunited.com/updates/musk-warns-against-invading-russia/ Musk warns against invading Russia], The Press United. * SpaceX has roughly 6000 satellites and not once have we had to maneuver around a UFO. ** [https://twitter.com/MilkenInstitute/status/1787635180121084044] (May 6, 2024) * Civilization is rare. We should do everything possible to save it. ** [https://twitter.com/MilkenInstitute/status/1787635180121084044] (May 6, 2024) * I would urge parents to limit the amount of social media that children can see because they're being programmed by a dopamine-maximizing AI. ** [https://x.com/elonmusk/status/1793685157364543814] (May 23, 2024) * Great damage was done today to the public’s faith in the American legal system. ** [https://x.com/elonmusk/status/1796440638617244012] (May 31, 2024) * If a former President can be criminally convicted over such a trivial matter – motivated by politics, rather than justice – then anyone is at risk of a similar fate. ** [https://x.com/elonmusk/status/1796440638617244012] (May 31, 2024) * DEI kills art. ** [https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1794019942167191602] (May 24, 2024) * The CEO of an aircraft company should know how to design aircraft, not spreadsheets. ** [https://www.businessinsider.com/elon-musk-beefing-with-boeing-again-over-ceos-accountancy-degree-2024-6 "Elon Musk is beefing with Boeing again, calling out its CEO and saying he should be able to 'design aircraft, not spreadsheets'"], ''Business Insider'' (June 26, 2024) * Support [[freedom of speech]] in the UK! ** Post on X (9 August 2024), quoted in [https://www.ft.com/content/d026a8d1-26d1-494d-83dc-5ff0204388e8 "UK considers forcing tech firms to remove 'legal but harmful' content after riots"], ''Financial Times'' (9 August 2024) ** The source mentions the UK's [[w:Online Safety Act 2023|Online Safety Act 2023]]. * Fine Taylor … you win … I will give you a child and guard your cats with my life ** Post on X (September 10, 2024), as cited in [https://variety.com/2024/digital/news/elon-musk-father-child-taylor-swift-disgust-creepy-1236140915/ "Elon Musk’s Offer to Father a Child With Taylor Swift Elicits Disgust: 'You’re Creepy. Full Stop'"], ''Variety'' (September 11, 2024) * The Dems want to take your kids ** [https://x.com/elonmusk/status/1834898659697098926] (September 14, 2024) * And no one is even trying to assassinate Biden/Kamala 🤔 ** Post on Twitter (15 September 2024), as cited in [https://www.forbes.com/sites/siladityaray/2024/09/16/musk-posts-then-deletes-no-one-is-even-trying-to-assassinate-bidenkamala/ "Musk Posts Then Deletes 'No One Is Even Trying To Assassinate Biden/Kamala'"], ''Forbes'' (September 16, 2024) ** Followed what the FBI described as an assassination attempt against Donald Trump at his International Golf Club in Florida.<!-- WP article Trump International Golf Club shooting has a title change request --> ===2025=== * [[Video games]] are meant for you to be immersed in an exciting and creative alternative reality and have [[fun]] with friends. Adding present-day political bullshit kills the vibe. ** {{cite tweet|user=elonmusk|author=Elon Musk|number=1879534816913502214|date=2025-01-15|title=Elon Musk on X}} * Be quiet, small man. You pay a tiny fraction of the cost. And there is no substitute for Starlink. ** Post on X (9 March 2025), a response to Polish Foreign Minister {{w|Radoslaw Sikorski}} after he implied any threats to shut down Starlink would result in a search for other suppliers. [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cy87vg38dnpo Musk and Rubio spar with Polish minister over Starlink in Ukraine], ''BBC'' (March 9, 2025) * I'm sorry, but I just can't stand it anymore. This massive, outrageous, pork-filled Congressional spending bill is a disgusting abomination. Shame on those who voted for it: you know you did wrong. You know it. ** Written about the "Big, Beatiful Bill" from the Trump administration, quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/musk-attacks-trumps-funding-bill-disgusting-abomination/story "Elon Musk attacks Trump's funding bill: 'Disgusting abomination'"], ''ABC News'' (June 3, 2025) * This immense level of overspending will drive America into debt slavery! ** [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/elon-musk-warns-excessive-spending-plunge-us-into-debt-slavery "Elon Musk warns excessive spending will plunge US 'into debt slavery'"], ''FOX News'' (June 4, 2025) * Progress is measured by the timeline to establishing a self-sustaining civilization on Mars. ** [https://transpocket.com/share/oUKhep6cUl3s/ "Starship Update with Elon Musk 2025"], ''TransPocket'' (June 24, 2025) * Time to drop the really big bomb: @realDonaldTrump is in the Epstein files. That is the real reason they have not been made public. Have a nice day, DJT! **Musk in a deleted post on X in June 5, 2025. Reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/musk-appears-delete-posts-claiming-trump-epstein-files/story?id=122609304 "Musk appears to delete X posts claiming Trump was in Epstein files"], ABC News (June 7, 2025) * The latest Senate draft bill will destroy millions of jobs in America and cause immense strategic harm to our country. Utterly insane and destructive. It gives handouts to industries of the past, while severely damaging industries of the future. ** [https://time.com/7298552/trump-big-beautiful-bill-senate-advance-musk-criticism-opposition/ "Trump’s ‘Big, Beautiful Bill’ Faces Opposition From Musk and Some Republicans as the Senate Narrowly Votes to Advance It"] ''Time Magazine'' (June 29, 2025) * this bill raises the debt ceiling by $5 TRILLION, the biggest increase in history ** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/elon-back-blasting-trump-big-233525897.html "Elon Is Back to Blasting Trump’s Big Beautiful Bill: ‘Utterly Insane’"] ''Daily Beast / Yahoo News'' (June 29, 2025) * '''AI and robots will replace all jobs.''' * '''Working will be optional, like growing your own vegetables, instead of buying them from the store.''' ** From a [https://x.com/elonmusk/status/1980765809338147193 post] on X official Facebook profile, 22 October 2025 * (About Amazon's plan to automate 75% of its operations) It’s insane to think that a human will pack and ship boxes in ten years — it’s game over folks. ** From a [https://x.com/Jason/status/1980750123513835912 post] in the official X profile, 3 November 2025 ==Quotes about Musk== :<small>'''In alphabetical order by author or source.'''</small> * Musk is a parasitic illegal immigrant. He wants to impose his freak experiments and play-act as God without any respect for the country’s history, values, or traditions. ** [[Steve Bannon]] in [https://unherd.com/2025/02/steve-bannon-is-ready-for-war/ "Steve Bannon is ready for war"] ''UnHerd'' (February 18, 2024) * [L]ots of luck on his trip to the moon. ** [[Joe Biden]], [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/biden-wishes-elon-musk-luck-trip-moon-after-job-cut-remark-2022-06-03/ "Biden wishes Elon Musk 'luck' on moon trip after job cut plans"], ''Reuters'' (June 3, 2023) * [the [[w:Digital Services Act|DSA]]] sets very precise obligations regarding content moderation [and that X needs] to be very transparent and clear on what content is permitted under your terms and consistently and diligently enforce your own policies. ** [[w:Thierry Breton|Thierry Breton]] [https://www.cnbc.com/2023/10/10/elon-musk-warned-about-misinformation-violent-content-on-x-by-eu.html Europe gives Elon Musk 24 hours to respond about Israel-Hamas war misinformation and violence on X, formerly Twitter] (October 11, 2023) * [T]hat laminated-faced hair plug cunt on Twitter. ** [[Bill Burr]], as quoted in Keegan Kelly, [https://www.cracked.com/article_44030_bill-burr-says-elon-musk-is-the-new-steve-jobs-in-terms-of-burr-hating-him.html?newsletter-cat=comedy "Bill Burr Says Elon Musk Is the New Steve Jobs in Terms of Burr Hating Him"], [[w:Cracked (magazine)|''Cracked'']] (October 18, 2024) * You don't have to be an [[w:Extraversion and introversion|extrovert]] to succeed as an entrepreneur. That's because business success is about making smart decisions and solving problems. Just ask [[Bill Gates]], Elon Musk and [[Warren Buffett]], who are all self-proclaimed introverts. ** Caroline Castrillon, '[https://www.forbes.com/sites/carolinecastrillon/2022/01/02/why-introverts-make-successful-entrepreneurs/ Why Introverts Make Successful Entrepreneurs]', ''Forbes'' (28 June 2022) * Lies can indeed kill and, though there are of course many others, one of the world's most prolific enemies of truth is Elon Musk. He is surely the global far right’s most significant figure, and he holds the world’s largest megaphone. ** [[Jonathan Freedland]] [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/article/2024/aug/09/uk-far-right-riots-elon-musk-x "You know who else should be on trial for the UK’s far-right riots? Elon Musk"], ''The Guardian'' (9 August 2024) ** Musk had posted on 'X' about the [[w:2024 United Kingdom riots|2024 United Kingdom riots]] ("Civil war is inevitable"), reposted fake news sources and clashed with UK prime minister [[Keir Starmer]]. * Musk isn’t promoting liberty; he’s using his power to privilege many of the worst voices in American life. ** [[w:David French (political commentator)|David French]] [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/10/opinion/musk-free-speech.html "Elon Musk’s Antisemitism Problem Isn’t About Free Speech"], ''The New York Times'' (September 10, 2023) * It's ironic that Elon Musk, the man who has been talking about [[w:Colonization of Mars|getting us to Mars]] should be [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]]'s messenger for [[w:Russian invasion of Ukraine|the war in Ukraine]], when we're having a really hard time getting our act together on this planet. ** [[w:Fiona Hill (presidential advisor)|Fiona Hill]] [https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2022/10/17/fiona-hill-putin-war-00061894 "Fiona Hill: 'Elon Musk Is Transmitting a Message for Putin'"], ''Politico'' (October 17, 2022) * "I think it is possible for ordinary people to choose to be extraordinary," as Musk famously said in 2008. In the 15 years since, he has revolutionised electric transport, broken world records in space travel, become the wealthiest person in the world, and made more headlines in a week than most tech CEOs make in their careers. ** Charlie King, [https://evmagazine.com/articles/lifetime-of-achievement-elon-musk "Lifetime of Achievement: Elon Musk"], ''EV Magazine'' (4 January 2024) * Wow, interesting. I didn't think it was possible to look uncool while wearing a leather jacket and telling people to go fuck themselves, but he pulled it off somehow. ** Michael Kosta, ''[[The Daily Show]]'', [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEQp7tOQs5U Biden's Post-Dropout Interview, Trump’s Crowd Size Insecurity & Elon’s Legal Fit] (2024) * Russia's slant on the world appears to have penetrated Musk's mind and he is by far [[w:Bellingcat|Bellingcat]]'s most famous detractor. Bellingcat's Twitter account has periodically disappeared from site searches and Musk himself often retweets conspiracy theories about the group. * [Comments from [[w:Christo Grozev|Christo Grozev]] of Bellingcat cited by Luce] "Musk is extremely influential. He has a cult following and he's purveying falsehoods. Because of his image among his followers as someone who knows the truth that others can’t see, he is more dangerous than a [[Donald Trump|Trump]]." ** [[Edward Luce]] [https://www.ft.com/content/03f220e1-6a7e-4850-bf4e-4b0f521d8f8c "Bellingcat's Christo Grozev: 'Prigozhin will either be dead or there will be a second coup'"], ''Financial Times'' (August 11, 2023) * Elon has always been an introvert thinker. So where a lot of people would go to a great party and have a great time and drink and talk about all sorts of things like rugby or sport, you would find Elon had found the person's library and was going through their books. ** [[w:Family of Elon Musk#Errol Musk|Errol Musk]] [https://www.forbes.com/sites/kerryadolan/2015/07/02/how-to-raise-a-billionaire-an-interview-with-elon-musks-father-errol-musk/ "How To Raise A Billionaire: An Interview With Elon Musk's Father, Errol Musk"], ''Forbes'' (July 2, 2015) * He would go through two books in one day. ** [[w:Kimbal Musk|Kimbal Musk]], quoted in Ashlee Vance, '[https://web.archive.org/web/20160414055240/https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2012-09-13/elon-musk-the-21st-century-industrialist Elon Musk, the 21st Century Industrialist]', ''Bloomberg'' (September 14, 2012) * Lmao at a billionaire earnestly trying to sell people on the idea that 'free speech' is actually a $8/mo subscription plan. ** [[Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez]] Tweets quoted [https://newrepublic.com/post/168479/alexandria-ocasio-cortez-suddenly-problems-twitter-after-fighting-elon here] (Novemeber 2022) * We need to also assert who we are as a country, because Musk, again, has been interfering in our politics in the last few days, trying to whip up division – that is not who we are in [[Britain]]. ** British PM [[Keir Starmer]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c1e2ww900zno "Starmer accuses Musk of trying to whip up division over Henry Nowak murder"] ''BBC News'' (June 4, 2026) * Leon’s, I’ll tell you what, Elon, Elon, is not going to buy Twitter. … He’s got himself a mess. He said the other day, ‘Oh, I’ve never voted for a Republican.’ I said, ‘I didn’t know that. He told me he voted for me.’ So, he’s another bullshit artist. But he’s not going to be buying it. ** Claimed by [[Donald Trump]] about Elon Musk, who later [[w:Acquisition of Twitter by Elon Musk | bought Twitter]]. Quoted in [https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-alaska-rally-elon-musk-1380402/ "Trump Bashes Elon Musk as ‘Bullshit Artist’ at Alaska Rally"], ''Rolling Stone'' (July 9, 2022) * Elon was wearing thin, I asked him to leave, I took away his EV mandate that forced everyone to buy electric cars that nobody else wanted (that he knew for months I was going to do!), and he just went CRAZY! ** US President [[Donald Trump]], quoted in [https://www.bbc.com/news/live/cyvm2181lqvt?post=asset%3A8fa45b10-d302-45a2-b1de-d244090ccab5#post "Trump threatens to terminate Musk's government contracts"], ''BBC News'' (June 5, 2025) ==See also== * [[Electric vehicles]] * [[Noblesse oblige]] * [[Philanthropy]] * [[SpaceX]] ==External links== * {{Wikipedia-inline}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Musk, Elon}} [[Category:1971 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Businesspeople from the United States]] [[Category:Company founders]] [[Category:Software engineers from the United States]] [[Category:Programmers from the United States]] [[Category:Designers]] [[Category:People from Pretoria]] [[Category:Philanthropists from the United States]] [[Category:Immigrants to the United States]] [[Category:NASA people]] [[Category:Space advocates]] [[Category:Chief executive officers]] [[Category:University of Pennsylvania alumni]] [[Category:Businesspeople from South Africa]] [[Category:Businesspeople from Texas]] [[Category:World record holders]] mq5fuz3t15pyf49zropsx5fodoqcwnv 0 155719 3949245 3945780 2026-06-05T15:12:32Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949245 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Salty's Lighthouse|Salty's Lighthouse]]''''' was an American-Canadian children's animated television series and a spin-off of ''[[Tugs]]'' and ''[[Shining Time Station]]'' produced by [[w:Sunbow Entertainment|Sunbow Entertainment]] and [[w:TLC (TV channel)|TLC]] in 1997 to 1998 in association with the Bank Street College of Education in New York. It centered on a young American boy named Salty who played and learned with his friends in a magical lighthouse. As well as the animated adventures of Salty and his friends, the series used live-action footage from ''Tugs'' for various segments. 40 episodes were produced in the series. It ran from October 3, 1997 to June 26, 1998 on [[w:TLC (TV channel)|TLC]] and later on [[w:Channel 4|Channel 4]] in the UK and [[w:Fox Kids (Australia)|Fox Kids]] in Australia. The show was aimed at kindergarteners, and elementary school children, and from ages 4 to 8. ==Season 1== ===Hercules In Trouble=== :'''Ten Cents''': You okay, Lillie? :'''Lillie''': I'm fine but I'm afraid Hercules is not. :'''Sunshine''': Oh, no! :'''Ten Cents''': What do you mean 'Oh, no!', Sunshine? :'''Sunshine''': I just remembered! Hercules is bringing in a big ocean liner and he needs Lillie's light to see through the fog but without it, he can't! :'''Top Hat''': If Hercules and that liner hit those rocks, they'll have big holes in their sides and they'll both sink. :'''Big Stack''': We need to come up with a rescue plan and fast! :'''Ten Cents''': And I have the perfect one. First, Warrior and Sunshine will move Lillie to a safe spot in the harbor. Then, Big Stack will switch his light on and off, off and on. Then, Top Hat and Otis will tell Hercules that Lillie's light, which actually Big Stack's, is fixed. Then I'll call out "DANGER! LOOK OUT!". Has everyone got that? :'''Sunshine''': All set, big brother. :'''Warrior''': Ready and waitin'. :'''Otis''': Ready on your mark. :'''Big Stack''': At the ready. :'''Top Hat''': Ready when you are. :'''Ten Cents''': Okay, everyone, here they come. And, now! :'''Aurora''': Soon, everyone has a job to do. Sunshine and Warrior move Lillie to a safe spot in the harbor. Then, Big Stack switches his light on and off, off and on. Then, Top Hat and Otis go to tell Hercules that Lillie, who is actually Big Stack, is waiting for him. And Ten Cents gets ready to call out to Hercules. :'''Top Hat''': Great news, Hercules. :'''Otis''': Lillie's light is fixed and she's waitin' for ya. :'''Hercules''': Thanks, guys. And about time too. :'''Aurora''': Not too far away, Big Stack sees Hercules coming towards him and Ten Cents with the liner. :'''Big Stack''': Now, Ten Cents! :'''Ten Cents''': DANGER! LOOK OUT! :'''Hercules''': Huh? :'''Ten Cents''': ''[in distance]'' DANGER! LOOK OUT! :'''Hercules''': Oh, no! There's danger ahead. I better change direction. :'''Aurora''': Meanwhile, Sunshine and Warrior have found a safe spot for Lillie. :'''Sunshine''': You're safe now, Lillie. :'''Lillie''': Thanks to Ten Cents, I am. :'''Ten Cents''': WE DID IT! We saved the liner! :'''Top Hat''': We may have saved the liner but we haven't saved Hercules. :'''Ten Cents''': Why? What's wrong? :'''Top Hat''': Hercules is headed for a waterfall. :'''Ten Cents''': A waterfall? Oh, no! :'''Otis''': If Hercules goes over that thing, he's done for. :'''Ten Cents''': No he isn't! ''[switches on radio]'' Ten Cents to Hercules! Come in, Hercules! :'''Hercules''': Ten Cents, is that you? ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} *{{IMDb title|tt2881474}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]] [[Category:Thomas & Friends]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Discovery Family shows]] [[Category:Syndicated shows]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:Syndicated shows]] [[Category:Channel 4 (UK) shows]] [[Category:CBC shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] qx6ft6rosqk2bupbakn8m9m8ao7tkrj 3949248 3949245 2026-06-05T15:14:06Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 /* External links */ 3949248 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Salty's Lighthouse|Salty's Lighthouse]]''''' was an American-Canadian children's animated television series and a spin-off of ''[[Tugs]]'' and ''[[Shining Time Station]]'' produced by [[w:Sunbow Entertainment|Sunbow Entertainment]] and [[w:TLC (TV channel)|TLC]] in 1997 to 1998 in association with the Bank Street College of Education in New York. It centered on a young American boy named Salty who played and learned with his friends in a magical lighthouse. As well as the animated adventures of Salty and his friends, the series used live-action footage from ''Tugs'' for various segments. 40 episodes were produced in the series. It ran from October 3, 1997 to June 26, 1998 on [[w:TLC (TV channel)|TLC]] and later on [[w:Channel 4|Channel 4]] in the UK and [[w:Fox Kids (Australia)|Fox Kids]] in Australia. The show was aimed at kindergarteners, and elementary school children, and from ages 4 to 8. ==Season 1== ===Hercules In Trouble=== :'''Ten Cents''': You okay, Lillie? :'''Lillie''': I'm fine but I'm afraid Hercules is not. :'''Sunshine''': Oh, no! :'''Ten Cents''': What do you mean 'Oh, no!', Sunshine? :'''Sunshine''': I just remembered! Hercules is bringing in a big ocean liner and he needs Lillie's light to see through the fog but without it, he can't! :'''Top Hat''': If Hercules and that liner hit those rocks, they'll have big holes in their sides and they'll both sink. :'''Big Stack''': We need to come up with a rescue plan and fast! :'''Ten Cents''': And I have the perfect one. First, Warrior and Sunshine will move Lillie to a safe spot in the harbor. Then, Big Stack will switch his light on and off, off and on. Then, Top Hat and Otis will tell Hercules that Lillie's light, which actually Big Stack's, is fixed. Then I'll call out "DANGER! LOOK OUT!". Has everyone got that? :'''Sunshine''': All set, big brother. :'''Warrior''': Ready and waitin'. :'''Otis''': Ready on your mark. :'''Big Stack''': At the ready. :'''Top Hat''': Ready when you are. :'''Ten Cents''': Okay, everyone, here they come. And, now! :'''Aurora''': Soon, everyone has a job to do. Sunshine and Warrior move Lillie to a safe spot in the harbor. Then, Big Stack switches his light on and off, off and on. Then, Top Hat and Otis go to tell Hercules that Lillie, who is actually Big Stack, is waiting for him. And Ten Cents gets ready to call out to Hercules. :'''Top Hat''': Great news, Hercules. :'''Otis''': Lillie's light is fixed and she's waitin' for ya. :'''Hercules''': Thanks, guys. And about time too. :'''Aurora''': Not too far away, Big Stack sees Hercules coming towards him and Ten Cents with the liner. :'''Big Stack''': Now, Ten Cents! :'''Ten Cents''': DANGER! LOOK OUT! :'''Hercules''': Huh? :'''Ten Cents''': ''[in distance]'' DANGER! LOOK OUT! :'''Hercules''': Oh, no! There's danger ahead. I better change direction. :'''Aurora''': Meanwhile, Sunshine and Warrior have found a safe spot for Lillie. :'''Sunshine''': You're safe now, Lillie. :'''Lillie''': Thanks to Ten Cents, I am. :'''Ten Cents''': WE DID IT! We saved the liner! :'''Top Hat''': We may have saved the liner but we haven't saved Hercules. :'''Ten Cents''': Why? What's wrong? :'''Top Hat''': Hercules is headed for a waterfall. :'''Ten Cents''': A waterfall? Oh, no! :'''Otis''': If Hercules goes over that thing, he's done for. :'''Ten Cents''': No he isn't! ''[switches on radio]'' Ten Cents to Hercules! Come in, Hercules! :'''Hercules''': Ten Cents, is that you? ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} *{{IMDb title|tt2881474}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]] [[Category:Canadian TV shows with live action and animation]] [[Category:Thomas & Friends]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Discovery Family shows]] [[Category:Syndicated shows]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:Syndicated shows]] [[Category:Channel 4 (UK) shows]] [[Category:CBC shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] dat1wh5rxcuczgsyebt6juv6jlwdcub 1 156049 3949183 3914311 2026-06-05T13:27:42Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949183 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:VeggieTales|VeggieTales]]''''' (1993-) is a CGI animated Christian video series that centers around anthropomorphic vegetables who mainly play characters from Bible stories. ==Opening Dialogue== Random ==VeggieTales Theme Song== Random ==Where's God When I'm S-Scared?== :'''Assistant''': It can't be done. I don't think you can do it. :'''Scientist''': Well then, stand back and behold as I throw this switch! It's alive! Alive! ''[laughs in an evil manner]'' Stand! :'''Assistant''': Oh my goodness! Look how big it is! :'''Scientist''': Speak! :'''[[w:Frankenstein|Frankencelery]]''': ''[moans]'' :'''Scientist''': Walk to me! No! This way! :'''Assistant''': Oh, look at it going! :'''Scientist''': Frankencelery, where are you going? Come back here! No, don't go near the door! ''[Frankencelery walks out the door and a scream is heard]'' Frankencelery, come back! Stay away from those villagers! <hr width=50%> :'''Mom Asparagus''': Junior! It's time for bed! :'''Junior Asparagus''': Just four more minutes. :'''Mom Asparagus''': That's what you said four minutes ago. Let's skedaddle up those stairs. Your father will be up in a minute to tuck you in. Besides, I think this show might be a little too scary for you. <hr width=50%> :''[Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber crash through Junior's ceiling.]'' :'''Junior''': Aah! Who are you? :'''Bob''': I'm Bob. I'm a tomato, and I'm here to help you. :''[Junior's toy chest starts rattling]'' :'''Junior''': There's something in my toy chest! It's a- It's a- ''[Larry pops out with a bonnet on his head]'' ... baby pickle? :'''Bob''': It's a cucumber. <hr width=50%> :'''Bob the Tomato''': Look up at that window. What do you see? :'''Junior Asparagus''': My curtains. :'''Bob''': No! Out the window, up in the sky. :'''Junior''': I see lots of stars. :'''Larry the Cucumber''': God made all those stars out of nothing, he just went, ''[razzes]'', and there they were. <hr width=50%> :'''Scallion #1''': Daniel, because you violated Section 4219 2R9-4000 6 dot 1 dash 7, B, of the code of Babylon, forbidding prayer to anyone but King Darius- you are hereby sentenced to be consumed by the lions. Goodbye! :'''Daniel (Larry)''': Hey, didn't get I get a phone ''[The Scallions tosses him in]'' '''''caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllll!''''' :''[Daniel lands on the ground with a thud. He gets up dizzily. The scallion wisemen call down to him.]'' :'''Scallion #2''': Hey, Daniel! We know you're gonna have fun down there! We're not "lion"! :'''Scallion #3''': Uh, yeah, you better be "lion" down, because those lions are gonna... lie... on you! :'''Scallion #2''': ''[to Scallion #3]'' Mine was funny, yours was... goofy. Lions are gonna lie on him? They're gonna EAT him! They're not gonna LIE on him! :'''Scallion #3''': Well, maybe they'll lie on him first, and then eat him... or maybe one will lie on him while the others eat him... or maybe they'll take turns between lying and eating- :'''Scallion #2''': Yeah, you think the lions are gonna cooperate and say "Hey, I'll eat him, you lie on him"? Come on, we're the ones who are lyin', not the lions. ''[seals the den up]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Daniel (Larry)''': ''[singing in fear]'' Oh no, what am I gonna do? It looks like I'm gonna end up as lion stew! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob the Tomato''': God made you special, and He loves you very much. ''[closing line of most episodes]'' ==God Wants Me to Forgive Them!?!== :''[Tom and Rosie begin slinging nonsensical insults at each other]'' :'''Tom Grape''': Hey! What'd you do that for? :'''Rosie Grape''': I didn't do it! You did, ya big possum head! :'''Tom''': I did not, you taco salad rabbit nose! :'''Rosie''': You did too, casserole-head, pimento-loaf, iguana boy! :'''Tom''': Pa! :'''Pa Grape''': Now, Rose, apologize to your brother. :'''Rosie''': Huh? What for? :'''Pa''': Well, you know he just turned 18 years old. :'''Rosie''': Yeah, so? :'''Pa''': So that would make him a casserole-head, pimento-loaf, iguana ''man''! :'''Rosie''': Oh, yeah, sorry about that, ''[under breath]'' cabbage-nosed Elvis puppy. :'''Tom''': Yeah, and don't you forget it! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob the Tomato''': Boy, I sure am glad they got that straightened out. :'''Larry the Cucumber''': Yep, the grapes were really sorry this time, so once again, Junior forgave them. :''[The scenes cuts back to the story]'' :'''Junior Asparagus''': ''[angrily]'' What?! :'''Larry (voice-over)''': I said, "once again, Junior forgave them." :'''Junior''': Are you serious?!? :''[The scene cuts back to the Countertop]'' :'''Larry''': Well, I think so. Bob am I serious? :'''Bob''': Oh yeah, Larry. Yeah, y-you're serious. Mmm-hmm. :''[The scene cuts back to the story]'' :'''Junior''': I'm supposed to forgive them again? After what they just did to me?! :''[The scene cuts back to the Countertop]'' :'''Larry''': Well, uh... yeah. :''[The scene cuts back to the story]'' :'''Junior''': Sure, I forgave them for calling me "Bean Boy" and saying I had cheese on my head. But now they're making fun of my name and they laughed when the hoe almost smacked my face CLEEEEAAAAN off, and then the truck picked me up and threw me in the sand! And you're telling me, I'm supposed to forgive them AGAIN!?! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Well, does anybody know what 70 × 7 is? :'''Ma Grape''': Nine? :'''Pa''': Let's see, I remember from college, it was, uh... π, r... oy! :'''Tom''': Was it two? Or maybe... Seven? :'''Rosie''': 490! :'''All''': Ooh! :'''Dad Asparagus''': Now, that's one smart grape. <hr width=50%> :''[Bob and Larry begin to tell the tale of [[w:Gilligan's Island|"Larry's Lagoon"]]]'' :'''Bob (voice-over)''': I remember that day, that fateful trip. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Why, yes. It started from that tropic port, aboard [[w:S.S. Minnow|our tiny ship]]. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': Now Larry, he was [[w:Gilligan (Gilligan's Island)|a mighty sailin' man]]. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': And Bob, he was [[w:The Skipper|brave and sure]]. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': And weren't there five passengers booked that day, on our three-hour tour? :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Ah, yes... our three-hour tour. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': There was [[w:The Professor (Gilligan's Island)|the Professor]]. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': And we were there. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': Of course. And [[w:Thurston Howell III|the millionaire]]. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': And [[w:Lovey Howell|his wife]]. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': Yep. And wasn't there [[w:Ginger Grant|a movie star]] and [[w:Mary Ann Summers|that other girl]]? :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Yeah, but they cancelled. <hr width=50%> :''[First-mate Larry is now at the wheel of the boat]'' :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Oh, boy. This is the life. There's nothing I'd rather be than First-mate Larry. Well, nothing, that is, except... ''[with a fake Russian accent]'' Captain Larry Romanoff, the famous Russian icebreaker pilot. Today, Captain Larry must free whales. Two great whales trapped in ice. But, there is problem! A large iceberg stands between Captain Larry and whales. There may not be enough time to go around it! But surely, even Captain Larry is not brave enough to smash through the iceberg! NO ONE HAS EVER DONE SUCH A THING! ''[Captain Larry sets the boat to maximum speed and steers toward the huge iceberg]'' Yes, this is no time for cowards! Captain Larry will smash the iceberg, and free the whales! ''[Commander Boblov arrives]'' Ah, Commander Boblov has come to congratulate Captain Larry for his bravery. :''[First-mate Larry's daydream ends, and Commander Boblov changes back to Skipper Bob]'' :'''Bob''': Hey, Larry. We're making snow cones back there. Do you want peach or strawberry? :'''Larry''': Um, not now, Bob. First, I have to smash through this iceberg and free some whales. :'''Bob''': ''[incredulously]'' There are no icebergs around here. :'''Larry''': Well then, what do you call that? ''[The boat is racing directly towards a large rock. Skipper Bob and First-mate Larry both scream in horror simultaneously as the boat crashes on the rock, flinging Skipper Bob, First-mate Larry and the passengers onto the beach of a tropical island]'' :'''Lovey Asparagus''': Oh, the brochure didn't say anything about layovers. :'''Archibald Asparagus''': Well, you see, Lovey, I believe we had some sort of an accident. :'''Bob''': Yes, we most certainly had an accident, ''[angrily turns to Larry]'' and I think someone has some explaining to do. :'''Larry''': Well, you see, there were these whales, and they were stuck on the ice, and the only way to get 'em out was to smash that iceberg over there, except it turned out to be a rock, and rocks are a lot harder than icebergs. :'''Dad Asparagus''': It just so happens that the nearest iceberg is 2,640 miles away. What were you thinking? :'''Bob''': You smashed our boat! Now what're we gonna do?! :'''Lovey''': You've ruined our vacation. What do you have to say for yourself?! :'''Larry''': Um... I'm sorry? ''[brightly]'' At least the boat's still floating. ''[The boat sinks immediately and Larry frowns guiltily]'' Oh. :'''Archibald''': ''[annoyed]'' Alright, I'll need to call my broker. I'm going to look for a phone. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': That evening, we all worked together to build some huts to sleep in, but we were still pretty mad at Larry. <hr width=50%> :''[Inside one of the huts, Bob and Larry are laying in their beds]'' :'''Larry''': Gee, it's kinda nice out here. Maybe this isn't so bad after all, Huh Bob? :'''Bob''': ''[still annoyed]'' Not so bad? What do you mean "Not so bad"?! Our boat is at the bottom of the ocean and we're stuck on this island, in the middle of nowhere, with no way to get home! :'''Larry''': I said I was "sorry". At least you could forgive me. :'''Bob''': Well it's just that we're - well, can't you see we're I just I just... Can't! ''[turns away]'' Oh! :'''Larry''': I said I was "sorry". :'''Bob''': Well, that's just not good enough. Good night. ''[turns to sleep]'' :'''Larry''': Not good enough? Not good enough?! He means-He means I'm not good enough. They all think I'm not good enough. I bet they be happier if I just left. So that's what I'll do. ''[climbs out of bed]'' I'm just gonna-gonna take my things and just go away, Yeah. ''[looks for those, but didn't see them]'' I don't have any things, so I'll just go. With just my hat. ''[hops out]'' Goodbye Bob, I hope you find a first mate that's good enough. ''[he sadly hops away]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Archibald''': I wonder where the skipper is. :'''Lovey''': Who? :'''Archibald''': You know, dear, the bright, red, round fellow. :'''Lovey''': Oh, yes. Where is he, anyway? :'''Archibald''': I don't know. That's what I was wondering. :'''Lovey''': Oh, I see. :'''Bob''': Has anyone seen Larry? :'''Archibald''': Did you say something? :'''Lovey''': No, it was that tree over there. :'''Archibald''': Really? Well, what did it say? :'''Lovey''': I believe it's looking for Larry. ...Who's Larry? :'''Archibald''': Oh, you remember. He's the chap who smashed the boat. :'''Lovey''': Oh, and ruined our vacation? :'''Archibald''': That's the one. :'''Lovey''': Oh... Well, I hope that tree gets him. Serves him right. :'''Archibald''': Here, here. ''[Bob is high up in the tree.]'' :'''Bob''': Hello! People! Have you seen Larry? :'''Archibald''': Oh look, Lovey! It's the skipper! :'''Lovey''': I didn't know tomatoes grew on trees. :'''Archibald''': Well, actually... Oh, never mind. ==Are You My Neighbor?== :''[Bob and Larry beam into Junior's bedroom via spaceship]'' :'''Junior Asparagus''': Aah! Who are you? :'''Bob the Tomato''': I'm Bob. I'm a tomato, and I need your help! :'''Junior''': Whoa... [[w:Déjà vu|Déjà vu]]. ''[notices the chocolate bar stuck on Larry's helmet]'' Um... what's he got on his space helmet? :'''Bob''': Huh? What do you mean? ''[notices it as well]'' Larry! :'''Larry the Cucumber''': What? :'''Bob''': How times have I told you not to eat when you're wearing your helmet? :'''Larry''': Oh. Sorry. ''[tries shaking and biting it off, then nudges it off]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Jimmy Gourd''': You know, sometimes differences can be good... if we just take the time to get to know each other. :'''Junior''': Yeah, maybe. So, why do you eat so much? :'''Jimmy''': Uh, we're hungry, I guess. :'''Jerry Gourd''': It's our metabolism or something. :'''Jimmy''': You know, sometimes I think I could eat a whole bus! :'''Jerry''': Yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole spaceship! :'''Jimmy''': Oh, yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole PLANET! :''[The word "planet" echoes in Junior's brain]'' :'''Junior''': Scooter, how many escape pods d'you say there were? :'''Scooter Carrot''': Two! :'''Junior''': Jimmy! Did you mean what you said about eating a whole planet? :'''Jimmy''': Well, sure, but... :'''Junior''': How would you guys like to help save the ship? :'''Jimmy''': Well, gosh, that'd be swell! :'''Junior''': '''''GRAB THE GOUUUUUUUUUUUUURDS!!!!!!!!''''' ''[?]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Jimmy and Jerry''': '''''LET'S EAT IT!!!!!!!!!!''''' :''[Jimmy and Jerry are eating the popcorn meteor.]'' :'''Scooter''': Do you think it's possible? :'''Junior''': If anyone can do it, they can. :''[Bob, Larry, Junior, and Scooter keep watching as the gourds eat the meteor.]'' :'''Bob''': Only ten seconds left! I sure hope those gourds were hungry! Five... Four... Three... Two... One... '''''INCOMING!!!!!!!!!''''' :''[Everyone ducks for cover. A high-pitched whistling sound leads up to Jimmy and Jerry splatting against the windshield without a meteor in sight.]''' :'''Jimmy''': No more for me, thanks. I'm full. ''[burps]'' 'Scuse me. ==Rack, Shack & Benny== :'''Grandpa George''': Heh! The Nezzer Chocolate Bunny! Every day, they make 14,638 of these li'l fellers, give or take a few. Oh yeah, Mr. Nezzer! Nebby K. Nezzer. But you better call him Mr. Nezzer. Now, Mr. Nezzer's not a bad man, he just gets confused sometimes. Why, his chocolate bunnies are sellin' so well, I think he's gotten a little big for his britches. And that's saying something, so his britches'll break out to start out with. What's all that have to do with Rack, Shack & Benny? Well, their troubles started when Mr. Nezzer made a little announcement. :''[A bell that sounds like a school bell is heard ringing, and a TV monitor lowers from the ceiling. Mr. Nezzer appears on the screen.]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Attention, little people! I have an announcement! This morning, the Nezzer Chocolate Factory has shipped its two-millionth chocolate bunny! To celebrate this momentous occasion, for the next 30 minutes, everyone may eat as many bunnies they want! ''Bon appétit!'' :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[operating the TV camera]'' Hey, boss, that's awfully nice of you to give away all those bunnies. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Oh, if I could just see the looks on their faces right now. ''[takes a rest]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Rack, Shack & Benny are the only ones in the factory not lying ill from eating too much chocolate]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Everybody else is lying down, but you three are standing up. :'''Mr. Lunt''': Actually, boss, I think the tomato is sitting. :'''Rack (Bob the Tomato)''': I'm standing. :'''Mr. Lunt''': Sitting! :'''Rack''': Look, ''[squats]'' this is sitting... ''[stretches up]'' and this is standing. I'm standing. :'''Mr. Lunt''': Okay, he's standing. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': What're your names, boys? :'''Rack''': I'm Shadrach. :'''Shack (Junior Asparagus]''' I'm Meshach. :'''Benny (Larry the Cucumber)''': I'm Abumblebee... Abennyboo... I'm Benny. <hr width=50%> :''[Having finished demonstrating "The Bunny Song", Mr. Nezzer looks to the boys for feedback]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Well? What do you think? :'''Rack''': Um... what would happen, let's say, if someone didn't quite agree with everything in that song, so they, um... didn't sing it? What would happen? :'''Mr. Nezzer''': What's that over there? :'''Shack''': That's the furnace. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': What's it for? :'''Benny''': Well, that's where the bad bunnies go. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': And let's just say, in my mind, if you don't bow down and sing the song, you're a BAD bunny. :'''Rack''': ''[unnerved]'' You don't mean...? :'''Mr. Nezzer''': But I'm sure that won't happen. It's almost time for the ceremony. I'll see you out there. <hr width=50%> :''[Everyone, except Rack, Shack and Benny, bows down as the intro music to "The Bunny Song" plays]'' :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[notices that Rack, Shack and Benny aren't bowing]'' Hey, boss? Those three guys, they don't look like they're bowing. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[confused]'' Hmm... aren't those our new Junior Executives? :'''Mr. Lunt''': I think so. Maybe they're stuck. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Let's find out. ''[moves the podium over to Rack, Shack and Benny]'' I said, it's time to sing "The Bunny Song." ''[The factory's delivery girl, Laura Carrot, notices the situation]'' :'''Laura''': Come on, guys, sing the song! Everybody's doing it. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[with increasing frustration]'' Sing the song! :'''Mr. Lunt''': They ain't singing, boss. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[finally on the brink of losing his temper]'' '''''SING'''''! :''[Shack begins singing "Think Of Me"]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Is that "The Bunny Song?" :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[skeptical]'' No, I don't think so. :'''Laura''': ''[worried]'' Are you crazy? That's the wrong song! :''[Shack keeps singing. Rack and Benny join in on the last verse]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[touched]'' Oh, that was wonderful. I'm gonna be singing that song myself... ''[suddenly angrily-ish]'' as I throw you into the furnace?! GUARDS! ''[Rack, Shack and Benny are shocked]'' Seize them! Take them to the furnace. ''[A band of carrot guards approach Rack, Shack and Benny]'' :'''Laura''': I've gotta help them. But how? ''[Laura sees her flying delivery truck and approaches it as the scene fades out]'' :'''Grandpa George''': ''[off-camera]'' ''Rack, Shack and Benny'' will be right back, after this short break. <hr width=50%> :''[Rack, Shack and Benny are nearly dumped in the furnace, but Laura saves them, and puts them in her flying delivery truck]'' :'''Laura''': Sorry, sir! Can't let you cook my buddies! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': GUARDS! Get them! :''[Two carrot guards jump into their own flying vehicles]'' :'''Laura''': Hang on, guys! ==Dave And the Giant Pickle== :''[A sheep falls over by Jimmy]'' :'''Jimmy Gourd''': Oh, Dave! One of my sheep fell over! Will you come pick it up for me? :'''Dave (Junior Asparagus)''': ''[struggling to pick up another sheep]'' I'm kinda busy right now. :'''Jimmy''': ''[miffed]'' Do you remember the time we dipped you in tar and stuck you to the backside of an angry water buffalo? :'''Dave''': I'll be right there! :''[Another sheep falls over by Tom]'' :'''Tom Grape''': Hey, Dave! One of my sheep fell, too! :'''Dave''': Just a minute! :''[Jerry knocks over a row of sheep]'' :'''Jerry Gourd''': ''[smugly]'' Oh, look! All of my sheep fell over. Dave! :'''Jimmy''': Oh, Dave! After you pick up our sheep, could you run and get me a bite to eat? I'm famished! :'''Jerry''': Oh, yeah! Me, too! Get me something, too! :'''Jimmy''': You know, sometimes I think I could eat a whole camel! :'''Jerry''': Oh, yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole spaceship! :'''Jimmy''': ''[confused]'' Uh, what's a spaceship? :'''Jerry''': I have no idea. <hr width=50%> :''[The Philistines, portrayed by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from across the battlefield]'' :'''Jean-Claude''': Hello, Israelites! You are pigs, and soon we will put apples in your mouths and stick you in our toaster ovens! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! :'''Christophe''': Ah, yes, after we defeat you, you will be our slaves and you will have to fetch us our slippers. :'''Jean-Claude''': Yes, and iron our trousers! :'''Christophe''': Ho-ho, and wipe our little noses. :'''Jean-Claude''': Ha-ha, and scratch that spot on our backs that we cannot reach no matter how hard we try. Ha! ''[no response from the Israelites]'' Don't you have anything to say? :'''Jimmy''': Um... Do you guys have any fried chicken? I've got a real hankering for fried chicken. :'''Jerry''': Yeah, me, too! :'''Jean-Claude''': ''[to Christophe]'' This is going to be easier than we thought. <hr width=50%> :'''Goliath''': Who will fight me?! :'''Dave''': I will fight you, Goliath! :'''Jimmy''': ''[to Tom and Jerry]'' You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that sounded like Dave! :'''Tom''': ''[laughs]'' Well, yeah! ''[spots Dave running out onto the battlefield]'' You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that ''looks'' like Dave! :'''Dave's Brothers''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! ''[Dave smiles at his brothers]'' ''DAVE?!'' ''[Jimmy faints]'' :'''Bob the Tomato''': ''[narrating]'' Goliath was equally surprised. :'''Goliath''': Who said that? :'''Dave''': ''[clears throat]'' I did! :'''Goliath''': Huh? ''[sees Dave]'' Oh ho ho! Am I a dog that you come at me with sticks? :''[Philistines laugh]'' :'''Dave''': I don't exactly know what you mean, but you are not a dog! You're just a really big guy who wants to beat me up! And I come at you not with sticks, but in the name of the God of Israel, who this day will help me defeat you! :'''Goliath''': We will see who defeats who! Now we fight! :'''Jean-Claude''': It's showtime! ==The Toy That Saved Christmas (1996/1997)== :''[The Veggie kids watch intently as a TV commercial plays]'' :'''Wally P. Nezzer''': ''[dressed as [[w:Santa Claus|Santa Claus]]]'' Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Hey kids, do you have the "don't know what I want for Christmas" blues? If I know my toys, and you know I do, than I know just what you're looking for. You want a toy that's fun. You want a toy that's cute. Most importantly, you want a toy with a fully-functioning buzzsaw in his right hand. That's right, you want Buzz-Saw Louie! ''[camera shows the toy and demonstrates the buzzsaw]'' Cool, huh? But wait, there's more! Buzz-Saw Louie also knows the true meanin' of Christmas. All you have to do is push his nose and... ''[presses the Louie's nose]'' :'''Buzzsaw Louie''': Christmas is when you get stuff! You need more toys! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Getting your own doll is easy. Just have your parents place an order, and one of our trained penguins will deliver it right to your door. :'''Announcer''': Delivery not available to Pugslyville due to the collapse of the Pugslyville Bridge. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': So take it from me, Mr. Nezzer... I mean, Santa Claus and his little elf helper. :'''Mr Lunt''': ''[wearing pointed ears and hat]'' Look at me, I'm an elf! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': You just won't be happy until you have Buzz-Saw Louie, the only toy with a working buzzsaw ''and'' the true meaning of Christmas. :'''Buzzsaw Louie''': Billy has more toys than you. ''[The commercial ends, and the Veggie kids run home to beg their parents for more toys]'' :'''Junior''': ''[cries]'' Mom! Mom! We need more toys! :'''Percy''': Billy has more toys than me! :'''Dad Pea''': Who's Billy? :'''Percy''': I dunno, but he has more toys than me! :'''Laura''': ''[whines loudly]'' I want a Buzz-Saw Louie! :'''Lenny''': I want 10 Buzz-Saw Louies! :'''Laura and Lenny''': Cuz that's the true meaning of Christmas! Nah! ''[crying]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Random <hr width=50%> :'''Annie''': ''[off-screen]'' That's not an Christmases about? <hr width=50%> :''[Bob is lying upside down in a snow pile after crashing in Junior's sled]'' :'''Larry''': Bob, Bob! Are you okay?!? :'''Bob''': [[w:Mouse Trap (game)|Mouse Trap]]! :'''Larry''': Huh? :'''Bob''': I wanted to play Mouse Trap! You roll your dice, you move your mice. Nobody gets hurt. <hr width=50%> :''[Mr. Nezzer is about to send Bob, Larry, Junior, and Louie over the broken Puggslyville bridge]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': One more thing. If those parents really care about the true meaning of Christmas, where are they now? :'''Dad Asparagus''': We're right here! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Huh? ''[turns to see the Veggie parents and their kids glaring back]'' :'''Dad Asparagus''': We care much about the true meaning of Christmas, Mr. Nezzer! :'''Dad Carrot''': That's what we came here... to give you what you deserve! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Wha-wha-oh! You didn't really think I was going to... heh... oh, that was just... just a joke! I wouldn't... What are you going to do? :''[Laura confronts to Mr. Nezzer, now with a happy face, handing him a present.]'' :'''Laura''': Mr. Nezzer... Merry Christmas! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Huh? Is that for me? Oh, it's a little bear! Oh, I always wanted a Christmas present, but we were too poor! You don't know how happy this makes me! Look! Isn't it cute! ==Very Silly Songs (1997/2007)== :'''Larry''': Hi kids. I'm Larry the Cucumber. Welcome to the very first VeggieTales home-improvement video. I hope you're ready to monkey wrench. I know I am. ''[hops over to the sink]'' What we're going to do today is change this old leaky fixture on the sink. We're going to replace it with a new one, which will be quite attractive and last for years to come. Oh, and by the way, it's very important with any plumbing job to shut off the water supply. So I had my assistant Jimmy turn off the water to the kitchen. ''[twists the wrench]'' :'''Jimmy''': Oh... you meant the ''kitchen'' sink. ''[faucet explodes and sends Larry flying in a blast of water]'' I thought we were working on bathrooms and decks. :'''Larry''': BOB!!!!!! <hr width=50%> :'''Larry''': Hi kids. I'm Larry the Cucumber. Welcome to the very first VeggieTales success video. Are you ready to make millions of dollars in real-estate with no money down? I know I am. :'''Bob''': LARRY! :'''Larry''': Yeah, Bob? :'''Bob''': Don't you see? This is a ''sing-along'' video! :'''Larry''': Ohhhhh, a sing-along video. I like sing-along videos. That's when you put the words at the bottom of the screen so people can sing along at home, right? :'''Bob''': Yup. :'''Larry''': Oh, the kids are gonna love that. What song should we do first? :'''Bob''': ''[rolls his eyes since the show's almost over]'' Never mind. ''[leaves]'' :'''Larry''': What? ''[follows Bob]'' Hey Bob! Guess what? I bought a whole chocolate factory with no money down. :'''Bob''': You did what? ==LarryBoy! And the Fib From Outer Space (1997/2004/2012/2016)== :'''Dad''': ''[after Junior sings "It's Laura's Fault"]'' Oh... My. Well if that's what you say happened, well, I trust you, Junior. But I'm very surprised at Laura. I'm gonna have to call her father right away. <hr width=50%> :''[Larry and Alfred are playing [[w:Candy Land|Candy Land]], stomach growling]'' :'''Larry''': I'm still stuck in the Molasses Swamp. I've been here for 38 turns. Your turn, Alfred. :'''Alfred (Archibald)''': Right, let's see. ''[draws a card]'' Oh, look! I get to go all the way to Princess Lolly! What luck! HA! Your turn. :'''Larry''': ''[draws a card]'' Still stuck. I sure hope the rest of Bumblyburg is having more fun than I am. :''[Larry looks out the window to see the Larry-Signal flashing urgently. He and Alfred immediately stand up]'' :'''Larry''': Alfred, I've got work to do. Consider our game... postponed. <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': There are no space aliens in a Bumblyburg. ''[Passes by Junior and Fib to Percy, Laura and Lenny confront Junior]'' :'''Laura''': There he is! :'''Junior''': Hi, guys. :'''Fib''': ''[runs into a nearby alleyway]'' Uh, if you need me I'll be over here. :'''Junior''': Huh? ''[he looks to Laura, Lenny and Percy, they argues about Junior's lies in unison]'' :'''Percy''': Lenny says he didn't break the plate. Laura says she didn't break the plate. :'''Laura''': Lies! Lies! :'''Percy''': It's a great, big, ugly lie! :'''Lenny''': Junior! :'''Junior''': No, no, that's not what I said at all. You didn't break the plate, and you didn't break the plate! No. It was these space aliens. They came down, and they grabbed these cows. And they switched brains with the cows. And the cows... with the brains of the space aliens... broke... the plate! ''[Looks at his friends]'' :'''Percy''': Funny. I've just seen that same thing happen in a movie. "Invasion of the Cow Snatchers!" :'''Junior''': You did? :'''Percy''': It's another lie! ''[a sound of thunderous footsteps emerge while Percy talks]'' Nothing but a big... fat... ugly! :'''Junior''': Huh? ''[looks up in fear]'' F-F-F-F-F-Fib?! :'''Fib''': Hi, Junior! ''[he grabs him]'' :'''Junior''': ''[being grabs]'' What are you doing? :'''Fib''': Don't worry, Junior. A little fib couldn't hurt anybody. Right?! ''[Fib cackles]'' <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': Alfred! I'm going to run out of road! Which button is it?! :'''Alfred''': The blue button! Press the blue button! ''[LarryBoy presses the blue button and wipers pop out]'' :'''LarryBoy''': Wipers! :'''Alfred''': ''[stressed out]'' The green button! It's the green 1! ''[LarryBoy hits it and the horn sound off]'' :''[Cut to Percy and Laura]'' :'''Laura''': He's honking. :'''Percy''': It's part of the plan. ''[The LarryMobile is about to hit the water tower]'' :'''LarryBoy''': ''(All I need is one thing; myself!)'' I am going to dies! :'''Alfred''': Stop yelling at me! No yelling! Yell, yell... ''[gets an idea]'' '''''YELLOW!?''''' <hr width=50%> :''[The Fib has captured Junior Asparagus and is prepares to ates LarryBoy]'' :'''The Fib''': Hmmmm... sort of looks like candy. :'''LarryBoy''': No really! It's spandex! It's quite bitter! ALFREEEEED!! :'''Alfred''': I'm gettin' a readin'! :'''LarryBoy''': Alfred!? :'''Alfred''': It looks like...! It looks like...! ''[accidentally unplugs the LarryComputer in panic]'' '''''AAAAAAAHH!!''''' :'''LarryBoy''': ALFRED, '''''NOOOOO!!''''' :'''Alfred''': '''''AAAAAAAHH!!''''' :'''Scooter''': Oh, no! Fib tries to ates LarryBoy! I must saved the LarryBoy! :'''LarryBoy''': ALFRED, WHAT'S HAPPENIN'?! JUNIOR, HELP ME!! :'''Alfred''': '''''AAAAAAAHH!!''''' ''[plugs in the computer and watches it warms ups and yells]'' :'''Scooter''': ''[to Alfred (Archibald Asparagus)]'' Alfred, this is no time for panic! :'''Alfred''': Boot, you transistorized tormentor! '''''BOOOOOT!!!!!!!!''''' :'''Mike''': ''[shocked in panic]'' Junior, get down! :'''LarryBoy''': Good bye, Bumblyburg! ''[gets eaten]'' :'''Alfred''': ''[sees the results]'' It's Junior! It's Junior! Junior can stop the Lie! :'''Junior''': I did it! :'''Fib''': Hm? :'''Junior''': I broke the plate! ''[?]'' <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': '''''I! Am! That! Hero!''''' ==Josh and the Big Wall! (1997/2002/2005/2017)== :''[The defenders of Jericho, played by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from atop the city's great wall]'' :'''Josh (Larry the Cucumber)''': Who are you? :'''Jean-Claude''': Who are we? I think we should ask. Who are ''you''? :'''Josh''': Oh, um... I am Joshua. And these are the children of Israel. :'''Philippe''': Ooh! Hello, children! :'''Jimmy Gourd''': Hi! :'''Philippe''': It was nice to meet you. Now go away! :'''Jean-Claude''': Yes! ''[blows raspberry]'' :'''Josh''': ''[clears throat]'' No, you don't understand. God has given us this land for our new home. So, well... ''you're'' gonna have to leave. :'''Philippe''': ''[laughs]'' Did you hear that, Jean-Claude? The little pickle says ''we'' have to leave! :'''Josh''': I'm a cucumber. :'''Jean-Claude''': ''[laughs]'' That is hilarious! ''[clears throat]'' Let me point something out to you, ''pickle''. We have a wall! :'''Philippe''': Uh-huh. :'''Jean-Claude''': You do not! :'''Philippe''': No! :'''Jean-Claude''': If anyone is to be doing the leaving, it will be ''you''! :'''Philippe''': Oh, that is right! :'''Josh''': Now, listen to me! Our God said that this land was ours, and that all we had to do was follow His directions. So... I'm afraid... if you don't come out, we're gonna have to come in there after you! ''[Jean-Claude and Philippe laugh.]'' :'''Jean-Claude''': I'd like to see you try! You could never get over our giant wall, ''[under breath]'' tiny pickle! :'''Philippe''': Yes, tiny pickle! You are not a mighty dill, you are just a baby gherkin! :'''Josh''': ''[feeling insulted]'' I'm a cucumber! ''[Jean-Claude and Philippe laughed]'' :'''Philippe''': ''[bumps his slushie off the edge]'' Ooh! My slushie! ''[The slushie hits Jimmy on the head. Josh is appalled]'' :'''Jimmy''': Ow!''[frustrated]'' Maybe we should fall back and regroup. <hr width=50%> :''[Discouraged by the giant walls of Jericho, the Israelites discuss plans over a campfire]'' :'''Tom Grape''': That's a big wall! :'''Pa Grape''': This time, I really mean it! We should go back to Egypt. ''[everybody looks at him in disbelief]'' Don't you remember? Snorkeling in the Nile? Three square meals a day? Plenty of exercise? Oh, it was paradise! :'''Tom''': We were in slavery. :'''Pa''': Nothing is perfect. :'''Jimmy''': Listen, kids! That land is rightfully ours! And the only way we're gonna get it is by taking down that wall! Right, Jerry? :'''Jerry Gourd''': Uh, yeah. Th-That's right, Jimmy. :'''Jimmy''': So Jerry and I are gonna put our heads together and come up with a plan... to take down the wall! :'''Jerry''': Yeah! :'''Pa''': They are so aggressive. <hr width=50%> :''[Josh finishes explaining God's directions to the Israelites]'' :'''Jimmy''': So... we're supposed to hop around the city for seven days, blow our little horns, yell, and the walls are just gonna fall down. :'''Josh''': Yep. Those are God's directions. :'''Jimmy''': Well... I'm sure that would work great... if the walls were made out of Jell-O! :'''Jerry''': Ooh! Then we could eat 'em! :'''Pa''': Last call for Egypt! Who's coming with me? :'''Percy Pea''': I will! :'''Scooter Carrot''': Count me in! :'''Jimmy''': Just a minute! I think you'll find our plan a bit more sophisticated. Blowin' horns in the desert isn't gonna do it. What we need is serious firepower. Jerry, the curtain! ''[Jerry uncovers a tarp to reveal a giant rocket; Scooter, Pa, and Tom gasp in amazement]'' Behold our creation: the Wallminator 3000! ''[the Israelites applaud]'' :'''Tom''': How are we clapping? :'''Pa''': I have no idea. <hr width=50%> :'''Tom''': Well, Pa? Do you still want to see the pyramids? :'''Pa''': I've seen the pyramids. Ha! I built the pyramids! Let's go to Jericho! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': The next day, they all set off again to march around Jericho. Now, God never said it would be easy. No, the people of Jericho hit 'em with everything they had. :'''Jean-Claude''': Fire 1! Fire 2! :'''Bob''': But the Israelites remembered that they were following God's directions and they kept on marching. Six days they marched and nothing could stop them. On the seventh day, just like God had told them, they marched around Jericho seven times while the priests blew their horns. ''[" When the Saints Go Marching In" plays]'' And just like God said, when they finished marching, the priests blew one long blast and then all the people yelled. :'''Israelites''': '''''AAAAARRRUUUGGGHHH!!!!!!''''' :'''Pa Grape''': ''[hacking, birds chirping]'' :'''French Peas''': (chuckling) ''[thud and rumbling]'' '''''AAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!''''' ''[crashing down, gasped]'' :'''Larry''': Hello! My name is Joshua, and God has given us this land! :'''French Peas''': '''''AAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!''''' :'''Bob''': So the Israelites obeyed God and the walls fell down. :'''Junior''': Wow! :'''Bob''': Finally, after 40 years, they were in their new home. :'''Jimmy''': [[Shrek Forever After|Ow! Oh! Boy, did I pick a lousy day to wear my contacts!]] :'''Israelites''': ''["The Promise Land Reprise" plays]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Well, we're out of the time for the today. Remember... :'''Junior''': God Made Your Special and Loves You Very Much. :'''Both''': Bye!? ''[as Junior and Bob leaves the countertop right now roll the credits (Arial Bold Font) with [[Arthur (TV series)|"Nothing But the Music" from Arthur It's Only Rock and Roll watched Arthur on PBS Kids]] and more [[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur songs]] in 2002, the door is opens and closing, Larry appears into the pajamas from Oh Santa in The Toy That Saved Christmas]'' <hr width=50%> :''[post-credits in the countertop; last lines]'' :'''Larry''': ''[singing]'' ? ''[yawns]'' Is it time for the show? ''[the lights and Qwerty's monitor screen turns off]'' Aw, nuts. ''[Again, the credits then roll with "The Promise Land" playing all throughout]'' ===Epilogue (Credits in 2017)=== :'''Annie''': I'm Annie Green Onion, the pictures of Joshua and the Battle of Jerchio. This is a Laura Carrot. :'''Laura''': I'm Laura Carrot. :'''Rosie Grape''': I'm Rosie Grape. :'''Annie''': Book of Joshua. Random ==Madame Blueberry (1998/2002/2006/2013)== :'''Bob''': Larry. How much stuff do you need to be happy? :'''Larry''': I don't know. How much stuff is there? <hr width=50%> :'''Narrator''': And now it's time for ''Silly Songs with Larry'', the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song. :'''Archibald''': ''[off-screen]'' Just a moment! Wait! Stop talking!! ''[Archibald runs out on stage as a bear-trapped Larry stands and watches]'' Excuse me, I have an announcement. Ahem... Because of the high standard we on this show strive to adhere to, and as a result of the disastrous outcome of the previous Silly Song, management has decided to review compositions from other performers for this segment. Several artists were screened and we chose one based on the applicant's sense of artistry and all-around proprietary. Thank you. :'''Larry''': So what are you saying? :'''Archibald''': I'm saying; ''Silly Songs'' is cancelled until further notice. :'''Larry''': ''[blinks in disbelief]'' Oh yeah?! Well, how'm I supposed to get out of this bear trap? :'''Archibald''': I'm sure you'll figure something out. ''[Construction peas move a new title card into view]'' :'''Narrator''': And now it's time for ''Love Songs with Mr. Lunt'', the part of the show where Mr. Lunt comes out and sings a love song. :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[sungs "His Cheeseburger"]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Annie''': ''[sings "The Thankfulness Song"]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Well, that about does it for me! What do you say we head home? :'''Madame Blueberry''': Oh! There are whole aisles we haven't even seen yet! No! I am not leavin' until I have everything I need to be happy! <hr width=50%> :'''Madame Blueberry''': ''[seeing her house about to tip]'' My house! :'''Larry''': It's so stuffed full of stuff, it's getting too heavy for the tree! :'''Bob''': We've gotta stop those deliveries before it's too late! Come on, Larry! Grab a cart! ''[Bob and Madame Blueberry drive 2 respective shopping carts, while Larry is left sitting in a shopping basket.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Annie''': ''[pauses out]'' Pie? <hr width=50%> :''[Bob and Larry are cries]'' :'''Junior''': ''[off-screen]'' Huh?! What’s wrong, Bob and Larry?! Now you looks sobs. :'''Bob''': Oh that was beautiful! :'''Larry''': Hold me Bob!! :'''Bob''': I would if I could, man!? :'''Junior''': Shh! Don't cry. :'''Jean Claude''': Pull yourselves together! :'''Phillipe''': Yes, you have a show to wraps ups! :'''Bob''': Oh, you're right... I'm sorry, where were we?! :'''Larry''': ''[sniffles]'' Madame Blueberry..! :'''Bob and Larry''': ''[cries]'' :'''Junior''': Shh! It’s alright. It’s okay. :'''Jean Claude''': Alright! That does it! ''[Pauses out]'' Cue the music! :'''Phillipe''': Unless, of course, you have any objections... :'''Bob''': No... I don't care... go ahead… :'''Junior''': ''[off-screen]'' We're over here by Qwerty to talk about what we learned today. :'''French Peas''': Hit it! :'''Singers''': ? :'''Junior''': ''[off-screen]'' Well, least things could get any worse. :'''Annie''': ''[off-screen]'' You know how think about learned song. :'''Singers''': ? ==[[w:The End of Silliness?|The End of Silliness?]] == :'''Larry''': ''[after The Thankfulness Song by Annie Green Onion]'' ''[sniffles]'' Yeah. Maybe I should just try to be thankful for the time I ''did'' have with my Silly Songs. ''[sobbing]'' Bye, Silly Songs. ''[voice breaking]'' Nice knowin' ya. ''[tearfully sings]'' It isn't any trouble just to S-M-I-L-E... :'''Jimmy''': Okay, wrong song. Bad timing. <hr width=50%> :'''Jimmy''': Look. Pal. M-Maybe it's none of my business but...why are you so down? You want to tell me what's going on? :'''Archibald''': I'll tell you what's going on! Perhaps ''this'' will clear things up... ''[Archibald and Larry glare at each other for a bit before he selects his song: "His Cheeseburger" from "Madame Blueberry"]'' :'''Larry''': '''''NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!''''' <hr width=50%> :''[Archibald has just confessed to his cancelling of Silly Songs]'' :'''Jimmy''': ''[gasps]'' You don't mean...? :'''Archibald''': Yes! It's my fault! All my fault! I'm the one to blame! :'''Jimmy''': That's despicable. I'd feel that way too if somebody took my songs away. :'''Archibald''': It's just that I was only looking out for the public's best interests. We do have standards to uphold, you know. ''[Jimmy glares]'' Yes, I see. But then I got these! ''[pulls out a stack of signed petitions and reads]'' "We the undersigned believe that Archibald Asparagus should forgive and forget the Song of the Cebu incident and return ''Silly Songs with Larry'' to its original Veggie programming. Signed, 167,512 adoring fans, including, but not limited to, the entire population of Duluth, Minnesota, and even someone in Moose Lake." :'''Larry''': Moose Lake? :'''Archibald''': Yes, Moose Lake. :'''Larry''': Wow... Moose Lake. ==LarryBoy and the Rumor Weed (1999/2002/2006)== :'''LarryBoy''': ''[emerges from shadow]'' I believe you have something that belongs to those boys. :'''Milk Money Bandit (Scallion 3)''': Well I... ''[starts backing up, but comes face-to-face]'' Who are you? :'''LarryBoy''': ''[sternly]'' I'm LarryBoy. :'' (he uses his super suction ear on the Milk Money Bandit and hangs him over the edge)'' :'''Milk Money Bandit''': Ah! Uh, what are you going to do? :'''LarryBoy''': It's not nice to take people's milk money! :''[he turns the Milk Money Bandit upside down]'' :'''Milk Money Bandit''': Hey! Take it easy, fella! Don't get crazy! ''[he starts shaking him]'' HEY! WHOA! Ooh! Aah! Ooh! ''[milk money dropped out of the bandit's pocket and landed back to the peas, and he turns him back up]'' I ain't feeling so good. ''[he starts hopping]'' Hey, hey. Hey! Where are we going? You can't do this! I've got rights! Hey! Hey! :''[Officer Scooter standing in front of the police car, the Milk Money Bandit falls in]'' :'''Scooter''': AAAAAHH! It's another space alien! ''[Milk Money Bandit chuckles nervously]'' Oh, it's the Milk Money Bandit. We've been looking for you for months. Thanks, Larry-Boy. <hr width=50%> :'''The Weed''': ''[sings]'' I'm a rumor weed! I'm a rumor weed! A tiny little story is all I need to make a big mess! I'm a rumor weed! <hr width=50%> :'''Larry''': ''[he sees the Weed on the flowerbed]'' Hey! You're a weed! :'''The Weed''': That's right, but did you hear about Alfred? :'''Larry''': Oh, Alfred's gonna be mad! He hates weeds in his flowerbed! :'''The Weed''': Yeah, but, did you hear about Alfred? :'''Larry''': You better get out of here, before Alfred comes back! :'''The Weed''': You're not listening to me! Did you hear... Ugh. :'''Alfred''': ''[off-screen]'' Master Larry! It's the Mayor! She says it's urgent! :'''Larry''': I'll be right there! ''[to The Weed]'' I gotta go. Hold that thought. <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': Okay. I can do this. I am... after all... a superhero! ''[then he notices the Weed sitting]'' Oh, look! It's just a little one! ''[he hops over to the Weed]'' What was I so nervous about? You've met your match, Weed! I'm gonna take you, and I'm gonna... :''[The Mother Weed reveals herself behind him. LarryBoy looks up and gets scared.]'' :'''LarryBoy''': '''''Mother!''''' <hr width=50%> :'''Alfred''': ''[stops beside Scooter's police car]'' Oh, yes! Officer, I need your help! LarryBoy is battling a giant weed in the sewer system... :'''Scooter''': Aah! The robot! ''[he starts engine and drives away]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Alfred''': I'm not a robot, I'm... British! <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': I'm warning you! I'm a super...! ''[gets thrown against the wall]'' ...hero. :'''Mother Weed''': Face it! You can't stop this weed; thanks to your friends out there, I'm getting bigger by the minute! HahahahahaMWAHAHAHA! :'''The Weed''': Soooo, did you hear the one about Alfred? :'''LarryBoy''': What? <hr width=50%> :'''Alfred''': I'm not shaking anything! It's shaking me! ''[the ground shakes harder and harder until, all of a sudden, the Mother Weed bursts out of the sewer]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!''''' ''(Alfred tries to run but the mother weed grabs him. Then she wraps herself around the City Hall as everyone watches her holding Alfred)'' <hr width=50%> :'''Crowd''': What a nice man! ''(The Mother Weed looks at Alfred, and when nice words are spread, Alfred smiles and they both look down at everyone. Suddenly the ground starts to shake from under the mother weed as everyone backs away from the weed. Due to all the kind things said by all the city folk, more flowers sprout all over the weed until her head becomes a flower, defeating her for good.)'' :'''Alfred''': '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!''''' ''(Alfred is shown sliding down the stem and lands safely)'' :'''Mayor Blueberry''': We're sorry for thinking that you were a robot. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': We didn't even ask you if it was true! :'''Alfred''': Oh, I forgive you... I forgive you all! ''[looks around]'' Has anybody seen LarryBoy? :''[A beat-up LarryBoy drags himself out of the sewers by his plunger-ears]'' :'''LarryBoy''': Hey, Alfred... everyone... someone was telling me that you were a robot- ''[Everybody shushes him loudly]'' Is there a flower show? ''(Everyone laughs, thinking he was joking, as the camera cuts to a frontal aerial view of the building where the Rumor Weed wrapped herself, as the camera pans around it and a flower flies around. The flower comes closer and closer to the screen as the score concludes)'' ==King George and the Ducky== :'''Jerry''': You want a piece of me?! <hr width=50%> :'''King George (Larry)''': We did it! Oh now, now, now I'm happy! <hr width=50%> :'''King George''': What's that? :'''Melvin (Pa Grape)''': Its a flannelgraph, to illustrate. :'''George and Louis (Bob)''': Ooh! Flannelgraph! ==Esther...The Girl Who Became Queen== :''[Haman (Mr. Lunt) wakes up Queen Vashti in the middle of the night.]'' :'''Queen Vashti''': Oh... Who is it? :'''Haman''': Um... Uh, Your Highness, ah... The king was wondering if you could make him a sandwich. :'''Queen Vashti''': It's three o'clock in the morning. :'''Haman''': Ah... Yeah. But, uh, he says that he's the king, and whatever he says goes. :'''Queen Vashti''': Well, I'm the queen, and the king can make his own sandwich. :'''Haman''': Okay. :''[Haman throws Queen Vashti out of the castle.]'' :'''Queen Vashti''': ''[angrily]'' You can't do this to me! I'm the queen! :'''Haman''': Oh, yeah? ''[throws her luggage at her]'' The king can do whatever he wants! He's the king! And don't come back! :'''King Xerxes (Mr. Nezzer)''': Don't you think that might have been a little harsh? :'''Haman''': Oh, no way. If she got away with that, no one would listen to you. :'''King Xerxes''': Well, what am I gonna do now? :'''Haman''': It looks like we're going to have to find you a new queen. :'''King Xerxes''': Hmm... Make me a sandwich. <hr width=50%> :'''Haman''': You know, we both work for the king, but compared to me, you are a g-nat. :'''Mordecai (Pa Grape)''': It's a "G". Silent. It's "nat". :'''Haman''': Are you calling me a g-nat?! :'''Mordecai''': No. Just correctin' your pronunciation. :'''Haman''': ARE YOU CALLING ME ''STUPID?!'' :'''Mordecai''': Uh, no? :'''Haman''': You get in the wagon! You, bow to me! :'''Mordecai (Pa Grape)''': Uh, no! :'''Haman''': Bow! :'''Mordecai''': No! :'''Haman''': BOW! :'''Mordecai''': NO! I bow to no one except my God and my king! <hr width=50%> :'''Haman''': What should the punishment be for these two dangerous criminals, the most wanted peas in Persia, who appeared before you uninvited and tried to drop a piano on your head? :'''King Xerxes''': Well... Uh, let's see. It probably should be pretty stiff, huh? What do ''you'' think? :'''Haman''': I say, the punishment should be... ''Banishment to the Island of Perpetual Tickling!'' :''[Markus (Larry), Mordecai, Esther, and Xerxes are all shocked.]'' :'''Teresh''': You don't mean... :'''Bigthen''': ...the island where you are tickled day and night?! :'''Teresh''': Night and day?! :'''Bigthen''': Without stop?! :'''Teresh''': Not even if you say '''''"pretty please"?!?''''' :'''Bigthen and Teresh''': '''''AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!''''' :''[The Grim Tickler played by Annie Onion enters the room, and tickles the Peaoni Brothers with his large feather as he takes them away to the Island of Perpetual Tickling.]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Mordecai is walking when he spots the edict ordering him to be banished]'' :'''Mordecai''': Huh? What's this? ''[reads the edict]'' OY! ''[grabs the edict and runs back to the palace]'' '''''ESSIE!''''' ESSIE! ESSIE! :'''Esther''': Cousin Mordecai? What is it? :'''Mordecai''': Oh, he's done it! He's finally done it! :'''Esther''': Who? Done what? :'''Mordecai''': Look! ''[shows Esther the edict]'' :'''Esther''': What's this? :'''Mordecai''': It's an edict! In just a few days, all of us, our whole family, will be sent to the Island of Perpetual Tickling! :'''Esther''': What?! Who... Who did this? :'''Mordecai''': Oh, who do you think? Haman! I told you he hates us! Hates our whole family! And-and now he's done it! He got the King to sign this, and-and we'll all be banished! <hr width=50%> :'''King Xerxes (Mr. Nezzer)''': ''[Haman (Mr. Lunt) squeals, gasps, furiously]'' You had me banished the man who saved my life ''and my own queen?! [Haman (Mr. Lunt) squeals again]'' For your punishment Haman, you are to be sent to The Island of Perpetual Tickling, along with anyone else who dares scheme against my queen & her family! :''(The Grim Tickler slams the door open to Esther's home, going towards Haman.)'' :'''Haman''': [[A Streetcar Named Desire (1951 film)|'''''NOOOOOOO!!!!''''']] (The Grim Tickler tickles Haman with his feather and Haman laughs as he is tickled out the door, just like with the Peaoni Brothers.) (While laughing) Oh no, ple-he-he-ase stop it! Please sto-ha-ha-hap! Ha-ha, you're killin' me, ha! Ha-ha-pretty please? :'''Narrator''': So Haman got what was coming to him, and then some. And Mordecai, this is my favorite part, (Markus gives Mordecai a paper) he got Haman's old job. The number two guy in the whole kingdom! Not bad. ==Lyle the Kindly Viking== :'''Omelet (Jimmy Gourd)''': But soft, 'tis Ophelia. ''[no response; Omelet repeats with emphasis]'' But soft! Tis Ophelia! :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[from off-stage, wearing a pink dress]'' But I don't wanna do it! It's embarrassing! :'''Arcibald Asparagus''': Don't be ridiculous! It's tradition! In Shakespeare's day, all the women's roles were played by men! ''[shoves Lunt out onto the stage]'' :'''Mr. Lunt''': I think we're gonna get letters about this... ''[in character]'' 'Tis I, the fair Ophelia. :'''Omelet (Jimmy Gourd)''': Random <hr width=50%> :'''Omelet''': To eat or not to eat, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to share my eggs cooked light and fluffy, or to scarf down the whole thing myself. To share, or not to share. <hr width=50%> :'''Percy Pea''': You guess where my [[w:Battleship (game)|ships]] are. :'''Omelet (Jimmy Gourd)''': 2B? :'''Percy Pea''': Not 2B. :'''Omelet''': Drat. Uh your turn. <hr width=50%> :'''Sven''': ''[sings]'' You guys go ahead. We'll catch uuuuuuuuup! :'''Otar''': Uh, Sven? You don't have to sing. :'''Sven''': ''[sings]'' But it's a muuuuuusicaaaaaaal! :'''Otar''': Yeah, I know, but you don't have to sing every line in a musical. Talking's okay too. <hr width=50%> :'''Sven''': ''[sings]'' If Olaf finds ooouuuttt, you'll be in biiiig troooouuuuubllllle! :'''Otar''': Uh, you can just talk. <hr width=50%> :'''Olaf (Mr. Nezzer)''': ''[as the storm rolls in]'' Why, that little viking is in '''''big''''' trouble! ''[Random; sings]'' What do you think you're doing? :'''Lyle (Junior)''': I was... :'''Olaf''': ''[sings]'' Giving them stuff back?! :'''Lyle''': Um, yeah? :'''Olaf''': ''[sings]'' Now, there's a storm a-brewing and you're the one that's under attack! <hr width=50%> :'''Pa Monk''': ''[after he sees Lyle pummeled in by big waves]'' Aahh! Lyle's in trouble! We gotta help him. Where's the life ring? :'''Pea Monk''': Right there. :'''Pa Monk''': Hang on, Lyle! ''[throws]'' Help is on the way! ''[notices life ring still there besides him]'' Huh? What did I throw? :''[Pa has thrown the pea monk, who screams as he flies into the ocean.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Sven (Larry)''': ''[sings]'' I need to go to the baaaaaathrooooooom! :'''Otar (Bob)''': Uh Sven, you can stop singing now. :'''Sven''': Oh. Right. ==The Star of Christmas== :''[Cavis (Bob) and Millward (Larry) have accidentally woken up Moyer (Scooter).]'' :'''Moyer''': Hey! You there! What do you think you're doin'?! ''[sees that Millward is holding the star's box; gasps]'' The star! ''[Millward hides the box behind his back]'' Alright! ''NOW'' I'M ANGRY! :'''Millward''': It's Moyer the Destroyer! :'''Cavis''': Run, Millward! :'''Millward''': I'm way ahead of you, Cavis! :'''Moyer''': Get back here, you chicken-hearted hooligans! :'''Cavis''': See ya, Moyer the Destroyer! <hr width=50%> :'''Millward''': Cavis, are you okay? You fell down, and then you fell up! Speak to me! :'''Cavis''': Hey, why didn't I see that before? It leads all the way to that window! Okay, Millward. Start climbing! :'''Millward''': What? Why do I have to go first? :'''Cavis''': Would you rather stay down here with ''Moyer the Destroyer''? :'''Millward''': ''[starts climbing up the ladder]'' I'm on my way. :'''Moyer''': Don't even ''THINK'' you can get away! You're trapped like a bug in the queen's sticky buns! :'''Cavis''': ''[climbing the ladder]'' Millward, keep climbing! :'''Millward''': He's getting close, Cavis! :'''Cavis''': No! Don't lean back, Millward! :'''Millward''': He's gettin' '''real''' close, Cavis! :''[Millward leans back, tipping the ladder back.]'' :'''Moyer''': You're trapped like a dog hanging onto a big, juicy steak that has itself... somehow... become trapped... in some way... :'''Cavis''': MILLWARD! :'''Cavis and Millward''': '''''AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!''''' :''[Cavis and Millward crash out of the window and scream as they fall through the air.]'' :'''Laundry Person (Scallion #3)''': Why does everyone want their laundry picked up at night, all of a sudden? :''[After he leaves his laundry cart behind, Cavis and Millward land into it.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Millward''': Seymour, remember how you promised I could take the rocket car for a ride sometime? :'''Seymour (Pa Grape)''': Uh, yeah? :'''Millward''': It's time! ==The Ballad of Little Joe== :'''Little Joe (Larry)''': Okay. No, I still don't see anything. :'''Jude (Jean Claude)''': Well then, how about... '''''NOW'''''!?! :'''Little Joe''': ''[gets pushed, and falls into the mineshaft]'' WHOA!!!! <hr width=50%> :'''Little Joe (Larry)''': Hey! Desperados! You better come to your senses! ''[muffling]'' :'''Jude (Jean Claude)''': Happy trails, dreamer! ''[all the peas laughing]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Baker and Blacksmith (Jimmy and Jerry Gourd)''': ''[mumbles in sleep]'' :'''Baker (Jimmy Gourd)''': ''[mumbles]'' Oh, I'm bad. No! Get away!? :'''Baker and Blacksmith (Jimmy and Jerry Gourd)''': ''[Wakes up, screams, cut in the roasts hot dog Prospector and Candace played by Charlie Pincher and Annie Onion plays the guitar, the avalanche of dodgeballs rains down]'' :'''Candace (Annie Onion)''': Look out the dodgeballs, Prospector! Phew! That was close. :'''Baker (Jimmy Gourd)''': A-And that's when I woke up screamin'! What does my dream mean Joe?! <hr width=50%> :'''Banker (Archibald Asparagus)''': Ah, anyone here? Oh, yes, dear Baker. I have wonderful news! The Mayor has given you a full pardon. He wants you to resume your duties immediately! :'''Slave Master (Scallion 1)''': And I'm extending an invitation to you, Mr. Blacksmith to join my chain gang up the river! ''[he laughs an evil laugh and Blacksmith gets terrifies, then all exits the scene]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Mayor (Mr. Nezzer)''': ''[mumbling in sleep, screams, the avalanche of dodgeballs rains down again]'' It was horrible! Just horrible! And it was so real, like it was really happening!? :'''Banker''': Oh, that's sounds dreadful! At any rate, as I was saying about our bank- :'''Mayor''': But what can it mean?! Is there anyone in Dodgeball City who can interpret dreams?! <hr width=50%> :'''Mayor''': Right, well He'll better, or I'll put you back in that jail and you'll never get out. ''[?]'' Let's get started. Earlier today, I had the strangest dreams. ''[sings]'' Seven cows sat on a hill, so big and fat. I got my grill. ''I was thinking about a BBQ.'' Then seven scrawny ones came along and GULP..The big fat cows were gone. <hr width=50%> :'''Mayor''': You did it, Little Joe. He saved the town! <hr width=50%> :'''Little Joe (Larry)''': Yeah... ==An Easter Carol (2003)== :'''Millward (Larry)''': Is that one supposed to be me? Because I'm not that fat. <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Its a bug! A big bug! :'''Hope''': Do I look like a bug to you? <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[after looking at the clock]'' Yep, I'm just going to stay awake. I'm not tired at all. I'm just going to stay wiiidddee....''[snores]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Here we go! 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1... Hit it!? :'''Cavis (Bob)''': '''''AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!''''' :'''Mr. Nezzer and Cavis''': '''''AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!''''' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Whew! We made it! ==A Snoodle's Tale== :'''Butterbun (Scooter the Carrot)''': Your special just the way God made you. <hr width=50%> :'''God''': And lastly your wings. You know what they're for. But not just to fly, son. I want you to soar! ==Sumo of the Opera== :'''Larry''': ''[singing]'' Whether whether whether whether, whether you like it or not. Weather weather weather weather, weather is cold warm and hot. <hr width=50%> :'''St. Patrick''': So you see, God is like a shamrock. :'''People''': Oh great shamrock, you are powerful :'''St. Patrick''': No no no! This is simply a metaphor. :'''People''': Oh great metaphor.... :'''St. Patrick''': No no no no! God is like a shamrock. Because He is God the father, God the son and God the holy ghost. One God, three persons. <hr width=50%> :''[Telephone [[w:Busy signal|busy signal]] sound effect coming from Bob's phone]'' :'''Woman's voice on recording''': If you'd like to make a call please hang up and try again. If you need help hang up and then dial your operator. :'''Bob''': Larry? Larry! Oh no, he must have ran out of quarters. <hr width=50%> :''[after Qwerty steamed up and broke down]'' :'''Bob''': What happened?! :'''Larry''': Qwerty! You okay?! :'''Lutfi''': ''[pops up]'' Sorry. :'''Bob''': Lutfi, what did you do?! :'''Lutfi''': Lutfi fits into tiny places. :'''Bob''': You killed Qwerty! :'''Lutfi''': Oh, no, I did not kill him. I just made him sputter in smoke, but there is a difference. :'''Bob''': Well, we're gonna have to get him repaired and we need a verse now! What are we gonna do? :'''Lutfi''': Lutfi might be teensy weensy, but he is a great big helper who knows his scripture memory verses! :'''Larry''': Memory verses? :'''Lutfi''': Oh, yes. ==Duke and the Great Pie War (2004)== :'''Petunia''': Whoops, ''[laughs]'' missed the door. :'''Duke (Larry)''': Bye, I got my hat now. <hr width=50%> :'''Otis''': You are lucky Duke, but watch out for yourself this time! :'''Duke''': No Otis! I'm going to look out for someone else first! That's true love! :'''Otis''': That's crazy! <hr width=50%> :'''Otis''': Ahh! I can't see! ''[Because of this, he gets hit in the face by Duke's pie, sending him flying off his horse and across the field.]'' Maammaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!! ''[He lands with a thud. A surprised Novak watches as the crowd cheers for Duke.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Duke''': We'll be family, Petunia. And I'll take care of you forever. :'''Petunia''': ''[giggles]'' Family? Forever? ==Minnesota Cuke and the Search for Samson's Hairbrush== :'''Percy Pea''': ''[to Lil' Pea, after Gourdon threatens to pound the kids]'' Have ''you'' ever been pounded? :'''Lil' Pea''': A cousin of mine was. He's soup now. :'''Gourdon''': Ha-ha-ha! Bye-bye, Junior! Hahahaha! ''[?]'' :'''Annie''': ? <hr width=50%> :'''Gourdon''': Aw, this is lame. I don't even like this lousy, old playground. I'm going home to play video games. <hr width=50%> :'''Minnesota (Larry)''': First, a chocolate Malta. :'''Julia (Petunia)''': Malt. :'''Minnesota''': Right. Chocolate. :'''Julia''': No, it's malt. Not Malta. :'''Minnesota''': What? :'''Julia''': Malt is a desert, Malta is an island. :'''Minnesota''': But with an Italian accent, they're both the same. <hr width=50%> :'''Minnesota''': ''[calling Martin (Bob)]'' Martin? Martin? :'''Martin''': I'm here, Cuke! What's wrong? Did you get a haircut? :'''Minnesota''': Never mind that! Where's the park guy? :'''Martin''': Huh? He was here a second ago. I guess he slipped out. Tell me! What's going on? :'''Minnesota''': Good, he wouldn't want to hear this anyway. It's bad news, Martin. :'''Martin''': Would you just tell me already? :'''Minnesota''': He was here, Martin! And he's after the brush! :'''Martin''': Who? :'''Minnesota''': Professor Rattan! :'''Martin''': Okay. Now, don't panic, Minnesota. Remember, he's a bully. We can deal with him. :'''Minnesota''': Just a bully?! He's more than that! He's my '''''enemy!''''' :'''Martin''': Calm down. The Bible says we should love our enemies. :'''Minnesota''': Love?! Love our enemies?! :'''Martin''': Everybody can't go around all the time trying to get even. That would leave the whole world in a mess. Let's just figure out what to do next. :'''Minnesota''': I'll tell you what we're gonna do, Martin. I'm gonna get that brush first, and I'm gonna use its power to defeat all the bullies in the world! I'm gonna teach them a lesson they'll never forget! :'''Martin''': But, Minnesota! :'''Minnesota''': See ya in the funny papers, Martin. ''[belief pauses]'' Alright, where is catacombs?! ==Lord of the Beans== :'''Billboy (Archibald)''': Today is my twelvety-twoth birthday. 122 years is too short a time to live among such fine folk. I'm twice as tall as half of you and half as short as twice of you. <hr width=50%> :'''Ahem (Mr. Lunt)''': ''[as he chases Toto (Junior) for the bean]'' It's mine, I tell you! It's mine! Give it to me! Give it back! <hr width=50%> : '''Toto''': Randalf! I know why the elders sent me here! They want me to help! : ''[Scaryman (Scallion #1) captures Toto and puts his sword in front of him.]'' : '''Scaryman''': Good thought, but wrong! : '''Randalf (Mr. Nezzer)''': Scaryman! : '''Scaryman''': The elders sent you here because I ''told'' them to. : '''Randalf''': What? : '''Toto''': What? : '''Scaryman''': Everyone has something they're sure they can't live without. ''[looks at the Fellowship]'' For some, it's fame or fortune, ''[looks at Ahem]'' for others, a life of ease. For a certain ancient tree, it happens to be jewels, something of which I have in abundance. : '''Randalf''': You ''bribed'' them? : '''Scaryman''': Yes. They got what they want, and I get what ''I'' want. Ha! Use your gift to help people, how quaint! I hope you've learned your lesson, boy. Life is short. If you have a gift, use it for yourself before you've lost it and it's too late. : ''[Scaryman pushes Toto aside and takes the bean.]'' : '''Scaryman''': Ha! Too late! ''[laughs evilly]'' : '''Billboy''': You're wrong, Scaryman! : '''Scaryman''': What? Who said that? : '''Billboy''': You're wrong, Scaryman! : '''Scaryman''': Who- Show yourself! Where are you? : ''[Billboy charges at Scaryman and knocks him to the ground. He catches the bean.]'' : '''Toto''': Uncle Billboy! : '''Randalf''': Billboy? : '''Billboy''': Hello, Toto! : ''[[Scaryman tries to reach for his sword, but Ear-A-Corn (Larry) blocks it from him.]'' : '''Ear-A-Corn''': Not so fast, scary guy! : '''Scaryman''': Sporks, save me! : ''[The Other Elf (Jerry), who's with the sporks, shakes his head.]'' : '''Spork''': Cookie man say no! : '''Scaryman''': Oh, bother. <hr width=50%> :'''Toto (Junior)''': I want to fix this land! ==Sheerluck Holmes and the Golden Ruler (2005/2010/2012/2017)== :'''Don Quixote (Archibald Asparagus)''': ''[WAKES UP]'' NOOOOO!! ''[pauses out via [[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]] 1996-2022]'' :'''Junior''': Oh, no! It's burgers! :'''Annie''': Don, are you alright?! :'''Laura''': What happened?! :'''Junior''': It’s just a bad dream. It was waking me into the nightmares or something. <hr width=50%> :'''Don Quixote (Archibald)''': Not quite. :'''Pancho (Mr. Lunt)''': Insufferable? :'''Don Quixote (Archibald)''': No. :'''Pancho (Mr. Lunt)''': Objectionable?! Hideous?! Malodorous?! :'''Don Quixote (Archibald)''': Pancho, I believe I just had the impossible dream. ''([[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur Reviews on PBS Kids]])'' :'''[[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]''': Everybody's story's gonna be better than mine. Hic! :'''[[Arthur (TV series)|Jane]]''': Your clock is working perfectly. Go back to your room. ''(back in the presented day in The Asparagus of LaMancha)'' :'''Pancho (Mr. Lunt)''': Just by definition, wouldn't that be... impossible? Maybe you just had a difficult dream. (Don folds up his bed) Or perhaps an impossibly strenuous dream. Or even... <hr width=50%> :'''Trout (Mr. Nezzer)''': Move along! :'''Spud (Mr. Lunt)''': Nothing to see here. <hr width=50%> :'''Scooter''': Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Holmes. But the Golden Ruler has been stolen! :''[Sheerluck Holmes (Larry) can't understand his accent.]'' :'''Sheerluck''': What? :'''Scooter''': I said, sorry to interrupt, but the Golden Ruler has been stolen! :'''Sheerluck''': What language are you speaking? :'''Maid''': Say! I speak Scottish! He says someone's golden hula is swollen. :'''Jimmy''': No. He said the goat and jeweler are out strollin'. :'''Sheerluck''': See, I thought I was hearing something about Samoans. :'''Maid''': Perhaps coats and stools all go bowling. :'''Jimmy''': Folding scooters have been rolling? :'''Scooter''': '''''THE... GOLDEN... RULER... HAS BEEN.... STOLEN!''''' :'''All''': Ohhh...! ==LarryBoy and the Bad Apple== :'''LarryBoy''': Remember kid. With great chocolate comes great responsibility. <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': There's nothing wrong with playing video games, but you let this video game play you. :'''Petunia''': I know! I want out! ==Gideon: Tuba Warrior== :'''Gideon (Larry)''': I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK! :'''Angle (Pa Grape)''': To tell you the truth, so am I. :'''Gideon''': ''[in high-pitched voice]'' I scream like a girl. <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Wiggle Turtle Tubies? They look taller on TV. :'''Pea''': So do you, tomato! ==Moe and the Big Exit (2006)== :'''Moe (Larry)''': High ho sliver away! :'''Aaron (Archibald)''': Let my people go! <hr width=50%> :'''Narrator''': Some matches are made in phosphorus factories, while others are made in heaven. Either way, it all starts with a little chemistry. <hr width=50%> :'''Bill (Sheriff's Guards)''': Heh, Yeah right... :'''Moe (Larry)''': I got it! I'll save you, unbelievable! :'''Bill (Sheriff's Guards)''': Oof... '''''AHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' ''[splash, gasps, coughs]'' ==Bob's Vacation from God Made You Special (2007)== Random ==The Wonderful Wizard of Ha's== :'''Darby (Junior)''': Is there anything really dangerous in these woods? :'''Scarecrow (Mr. Lunt)''': A friend of mine was in these woods, and he says he saw a fella from Toledo. :'''Tin Man (Larry)''': You mean, an Ohioan? :'''Scarecrow''': Yep. :'''Tin Man''': Well, my uncle said he saw one of those guys who play that little flute in the army. :'''Scarecrow''': ''[gasp]'' A fifer? :'''Tin Man''': Uh-huh. :'''Scarecrow''': Oh, boy. Not to make matters worse, but I met a fella who knew a guy who says he saw... a mommy horse. :'''Darby''': ''[gasps]'' :'''Scarecrow''': Ohioans. :'''Tin Man''': And fifers. :'''Scarecrow''': And mares. :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow''': Ohioans. :'''Tin Man''': And fifers. :'''Scarecrow''': And mares. :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and- :''[A lion (Pa Grape) roars, then barks like a dog. Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming in panic.]'' :'''Tin Man''': IT'S AN OHIOAN! :''[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby bump into each other and fall.]'' :'''Lion''': Uh no, that's "lion". :'''Tin Man''': Oh, lion. ''[gasps]'' Lion?! :''[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming again.]'' :'''Lion''': Oh, stop! I'm not trying to scare ya. I'm just hungry! :'''Tin Man''': A '''''hungry''''' lion?! :''[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming again.]'' :'''Lion''': No no! I'm not gonna eat you. I'm just having fun with you. On the count of being so bored. ==Tomato Sawyer and Huckleberry Larry's Big River Rescue== :'''Little Jimmy''': ''[looking at a record album of "Mama Belle and Little Jimmy"]'' Mama! :'''Tom (Bob)''': That's your mama? :'''Little Jimmy''': And me! Little Jimmy! :'''Huck (Larry)''': That's you? :''[Tom & Huck look at Jimmy seeing he is big now]'' :'''Little Jimmy''': I grew. <hr width=50%> :''[Huck is exploring the town of Muscatine.]'' :'''Huck''': ''[to himself]'' Wow, what a great town. This place has got it all. Friendly town people, shopping, baby with a signal flare... Huh? :''[Huck looks and sees that there is, in fact, a baby with a signal flare. Observing further, he sees that everyone in the town has a signal flare. To make matters worse, Huck spots a big "WANTED" billboard for Little Jimmy.]'' :'''Huck''': Ahhh! ''[he backs away from the billboard, only to bump into a policeman]'' Excuse me. ''[the policeman turns to Huck, revealing he has a signal flare, too; Huck backs up, and knocks over an n entire cart of signal flares]'' Oh! Really sorry about that! :''[Huck bumps into the old man he met from earlier.]'' :'''Huck''': Excuse me. :'''Old Man''': Hey, is there somethin’ I can help you with, Sonny? :''[He adjusts his hat with a signal flare. Huck sees it, screams, and runs away frightened, catching the baby’s attention. Cut to Tom and Little Jimmy on the dock.]'' :'''Tom''': You play any football in high school? You got the size for it. :'''Little Jimmy''': No. I was in musicals. :'''Tom''': Really? :''[Huck comes rushing toward them.]'' :'''Huck''': Tom! T-Tom! :''[The baby suddenly spots Little Jimmy, and starts crying loudly as he whacks against his carriage.]'' :'''Huck''': TOM! Whoa! :''[Huck collides with Tom and Little Jimmy, and the three tumble down the stairs back onto the raft. The baby stops fussing and looks at his signal flare.]'' :'''Huck''': ''[grabs the paddle]'' We gotta get outta here! ''[pushes the raft away from the dock]'' :'''Tom''': W-What are you doing? Huck?!? What’s going on?! :'''Huck''': '''''BEWARE THE BABIES!''''' :''[A signal flare shoots into the sky with a loud whistle and explodes into a firework. The baby laughs. Huck looks up in horror.]'' :'''Little Jimmy''': Oooh...pretty. :'''Tom''': Eh-hehh... eh, maybe no one noticed… :''[He was wrong. Everyone else in the town starts firing their signal flares into the sky, making it look like a fireworks show.]'' :'''Huck''': ''[paddling faster]'' They all know about Jim! The posters are everywhere! Even the ''babies'' have signal flares! :'''Tom''': The babies? :'''Huck''': Yeah, Tom! The '''''babies!''''' <hr width=50%> :'''Tom''': Who's that guy? :'''Huck''': I think it was [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel Sanders]]. <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Lunt''': Personally, I found the book riveting, full of flawed characters and classic American humor. ==Pistachio – The Little Boy That Woodn't (2009)== :'''Confetti the Fox (Scallion #1)''': For a thousand gold coins, here is question number three: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? :'''Pistachio (Junior)''': Huh? I don't know that! Nobody knows that! :'''Confetti''': Then you shouldn't have risked ''everything''. :''[Charlie Pincher pulls a lever that sends Pistachio down the rollercoaster, and onto the catapult.]'' :'''Pistachio''': But... But you said you wouldn't steer me wrong! :'''Confetti''': No. We said "''Why'' would we steer you wrong?", and the answer is... Five. Gold. Coins. :''[Charlie pushes the lever that makes the catapult fling Pistachio into the ocean.]'' :'''Pistachio''': ''[screams]'' :'''Confetti, Purina the Cat (Scallion #2), and Charlie''': ''[laugh]'' :'''Purina''': High five! :'''Confetti''': No hands, numbskull. <hr width=50%> :'''Carrot''': Oh, hey there, cricket! :'''Khalil''': I am not a cricket! I am a caterpillar! :'''Carrot''': Silly cricket. :'''Pistachio''': Huh? Cricket!? :'''Khalil''': I am not a- Pistachio! You are alive! :'''Pistachio''': I'm looking for Gelato! :'''Khalil''': Me too! That's why I left home by myself in this big, mean caterpillar-eating world! :'''Pistachio''': I don't eat caterpillars. :'''Khalil''': Good. I hear we are quite tasty. :'''Pistachio''': Who's with the ducklings? :'''Khalil''': Oh. A good friend is helping me out. :''[Madame Blueberry is looking after the ducklings.]'' :'''Madame Blueberry''': No, I'm a ''blueberry''. But I get that all the time. :'''Duckling''': Quack? :'''Madame Blueberry''': No, I never played [[W:Monopoly (game)|Monopoly]], but I'll give it a go. <hr width=50%> :'''Pistachio''': Where's all the food? :'''Gelato (Larry)''': Oh, we've got plenty of food! :'''Dorito''': Hey, guys? We're out of food. ''[pauses]'' :'''Espresso''': (Oh, no!) WE'RE GONNA DIED!!! ''[Everyone screams and panics.]'' :'''Khalil''': WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE! ==The Little Drummer Boy (2010)== Random ==Robin Good and His Not So Merry Man (2011/2016)== Random ==The First Annie Onion X Dialog Carrot Ever (2012)== :'''Annie''': ''[sings "Wheels on the Bus" while playing the guitar]'' :'''Junior''': Whoa! That song so crazy! ''[he covers the pillow with Laura]'' :'''Laura''': That earplugs to them! ==See Also== {{Wikipedia}} *[[Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie]] *[[The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie]] [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Cancelled shows‎]] [[Special:Contributions/2600:6C5E:59F0:1070:B8AE:638C:9D0:C377|2600:6C5E:59F0:1070:B8AE:638C:9D0:C377]] 19:48, 7 February 2024 (UTC) jaf8subexca60nepv0pvb9ykrhbh526 3949184 3949183 2026-06-05T13:27:59Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949184 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:VeggieTales|VeggieTales]]''''' (1993-2015) is a CGI animated Christian video series that centers around anthropomorphic vegetables who mainly play characters from Bible stories. ==Opening Dialogue== Random ==VeggieTales Theme Song== Random ==Where's God When I'm S-Scared?== :'''Assistant''': It can't be done. I don't think you can do it. :'''Scientist''': Well then, stand back and behold as I throw this switch! It's alive! Alive! ''[laughs in an evil manner]'' Stand! :'''Assistant''': Oh my goodness! Look how big it is! :'''Scientist''': Speak! :'''[[w:Frankenstein|Frankencelery]]''': ''[moans]'' :'''Scientist''': Walk to me! No! This way! :'''Assistant''': Oh, look at it going! :'''Scientist''': Frankencelery, where are you going? Come back here! No, don't go near the door! ''[Frankencelery walks out the door and a scream is heard]'' Frankencelery, come back! Stay away from those villagers! <hr width=50%> :'''Mom Asparagus''': Junior! It's time for bed! :'''Junior Asparagus''': Just four more minutes. :'''Mom Asparagus''': That's what you said four minutes ago. Let's skedaddle up those stairs. Your father will be up in a minute to tuck you in. Besides, I think this show might be a little too scary for you. <hr width=50%> :''[Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber crash through Junior's ceiling.]'' :'''Junior''': Aah! Who are you? :'''Bob''': I'm Bob. I'm a tomato, and I'm here to help you. :''[Junior's toy chest starts rattling]'' :'''Junior''': There's something in my toy chest! It's a- It's a- ''[Larry pops out with a bonnet on his head]'' ... baby pickle? :'''Bob''': It's a cucumber. <hr width=50%> :'''Bob the Tomato''': Look up at that window. What do you see? :'''Junior Asparagus''': My curtains. :'''Bob''': No! Out the window, up in the sky. :'''Junior''': I see lots of stars. :'''Larry the Cucumber''': God made all those stars out of nothing, he just went, ''[razzes]'', and there they were. <hr width=50%> :'''Scallion #1''': Daniel, because you violated Section 4219 2R9-4000 6 dot 1 dash 7, B, of the code of Babylon, forbidding prayer to anyone but King Darius- you are hereby sentenced to be consumed by the lions. Goodbye! :'''Daniel (Larry)''': Hey, didn't get I get a phone ''[The Scallions tosses him in]'' '''''caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllll!''''' :''[Daniel lands on the ground with a thud. He gets up dizzily. The scallion wisemen call down to him.]'' :'''Scallion #2''': Hey, Daniel! We know you're gonna have fun down there! We're not "lion"! :'''Scallion #3''': Uh, yeah, you better be "lion" down, because those lions are gonna... lie... on you! :'''Scallion #2''': ''[to Scallion #3]'' Mine was funny, yours was... goofy. Lions are gonna lie on him? They're gonna EAT him! They're not gonna LIE on him! :'''Scallion #3''': Well, maybe they'll lie on him first, and then eat him... or maybe one will lie on him while the others eat him... or maybe they'll take turns between lying and eating- :'''Scallion #2''': Yeah, you think the lions are gonna cooperate and say "Hey, I'll eat him, you lie on him"? Come on, we're the ones who are lyin', not the lions. ''[seals the den up]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Daniel (Larry)''': ''[singing in fear]'' Oh no, what am I gonna do? It looks like I'm gonna end up as lion stew! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob the Tomato''': God made you special, and He loves you very much. ''[closing line of most episodes]'' ==God Wants Me to Forgive Them!?!== :''[Tom and Rosie begin slinging nonsensical insults at each other]'' :'''Tom Grape''': Hey! What'd you do that for? :'''Rosie Grape''': I didn't do it! You did, ya big possum head! :'''Tom''': I did not, you taco salad rabbit nose! :'''Rosie''': You did too, casserole-head, pimento-loaf, iguana boy! :'''Tom''': Pa! :'''Pa Grape''': Now, Rose, apologize to your brother. :'''Rosie''': Huh? What for? :'''Pa''': Well, you know he just turned 18 years old. :'''Rosie''': Yeah, so? :'''Pa''': So that would make him a casserole-head, pimento-loaf, iguana ''man''! :'''Rosie''': Oh, yeah, sorry about that, ''[under breath]'' cabbage-nosed Elvis puppy. :'''Tom''': Yeah, and don't you forget it! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob the Tomato''': Boy, I sure am glad they got that straightened out. :'''Larry the Cucumber''': Yep, the grapes were really sorry this time, so once again, Junior forgave them. :''[The scenes cuts back to the story]'' :'''Junior Asparagus''': ''[angrily]'' What?! :'''Larry (voice-over)''': I said, "once again, Junior forgave them." :'''Junior''': Are you serious?!? :''[The scene cuts back to the Countertop]'' :'''Larry''': Well, I think so. Bob am I serious? :'''Bob''': Oh yeah, Larry. Yeah, y-you're serious. Mmm-hmm. :''[The scene cuts back to the story]'' :'''Junior''': I'm supposed to forgive them again? After what they just did to me?! :''[The scene cuts back to the Countertop]'' :'''Larry''': Well, uh... yeah. :''[The scene cuts back to the story]'' :'''Junior''': Sure, I forgave them for calling me "Bean Boy" and saying I had cheese on my head. But now they're making fun of my name and they laughed when the hoe almost smacked my face CLEEEEAAAAN off, and then the truck picked me up and threw me in the sand! And you're telling me, I'm supposed to forgive them AGAIN!?! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Well, does anybody know what 70 × 7 is? :'''Ma Grape''': Nine? :'''Pa''': Let's see, I remember from college, it was, uh... π, r... oy! :'''Tom''': Was it two? Or maybe... Seven? :'''Rosie''': 490! :'''All''': Ooh! :'''Dad Asparagus''': Now, that's one smart grape. <hr width=50%> :''[Bob and Larry begin to tell the tale of [[w:Gilligan's Island|"Larry's Lagoon"]]]'' :'''Bob (voice-over)''': I remember that day, that fateful trip. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Why, yes. It started from that tropic port, aboard [[w:S.S. Minnow|our tiny ship]]. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': Now Larry, he was [[w:Gilligan (Gilligan's Island)|a mighty sailin' man]]. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': And Bob, he was [[w:The Skipper|brave and sure]]. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': And weren't there five passengers booked that day, on our three-hour tour? :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Ah, yes... our three-hour tour. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': There was [[w:The Professor (Gilligan's Island)|the Professor]]. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': And we were there. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': Of course. And [[w:Thurston Howell III|the millionaire]]. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': And [[w:Lovey Howell|his wife]]. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': Yep. And wasn't there [[w:Ginger Grant|a movie star]] and [[w:Mary Ann Summers|that other girl]]? :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Yeah, but they cancelled. <hr width=50%> :''[First-mate Larry is now at the wheel of the boat]'' :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Oh, boy. This is the life. There's nothing I'd rather be than First-mate Larry. Well, nothing, that is, except... ''[with a fake Russian accent]'' Captain Larry Romanoff, the famous Russian icebreaker pilot. Today, Captain Larry must free whales. Two great whales trapped in ice. But, there is problem! A large iceberg stands between Captain Larry and whales. There may not be enough time to go around it! But surely, even Captain Larry is not brave enough to smash through the iceberg! NO ONE HAS EVER DONE SUCH A THING! ''[Captain Larry sets the boat to maximum speed and steers toward the huge iceberg]'' Yes, this is no time for cowards! Captain Larry will smash the iceberg, and free the whales! ''[Commander Boblov arrives]'' Ah, Commander Boblov has come to congratulate Captain Larry for his bravery. :''[First-mate Larry's daydream ends, and Commander Boblov changes back to Skipper Bob]'' :'''Bob''': Hey, Larry. We're making snow cones back there. Do you want peach or strawberry? :'''Larry''': Um, not now, Bob. First, I have to smash through this iceberg and free some whales. :'''Bob''': ''[incredulously]'' There are no icebergs around here. :'''Larry''': Well then, what do you call that? ''[The boat is racing directly towards a large rock. Skipper Bob and First-mate Larry both scream in horror simultaneously as the boat crashes on the rock, flinging Skipper Bob, First-mate Larry and the passengers onto the beach of a tropical island]'' :'''Lovey Asparagus''': Oh, the brochure didn't say anything about layovers. :'''Archibald Asparagus''': Well, you see, Lovey, I believe we had some sort of an accident. :'''Bob''': Yes, we most certainly had an accident, ''[angrily turns to Larry]'' and I think someone has some explaining to do. :'''Larry''': Well, you see, there were these whales, and they were stuck on the ice, and the only way to get 'em out was to smash that iceberg over there, except it turned out to be a rock, and rocks are a lot harder than icebergs. :'''Dad Asparagus''': It just so happens that the nearest iceberg is 2,640 miles away. What were you thinking? :'''Bob''': You smashed our boat! Now what're we gonna do?! :'''Lovey''': You've ruined our vacation. What do you have to say for yourself?! :'''Larry''': Um... I'm sorry? ''[brightly]'' At least the boat's still floating. ''[The boat sinks immediately and Larry frowns guiltily]'' Oh. :'''Archibald''': ''[annoyed]'' Alright, I'll need to call my broker. I'm going to look for a phone. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': That evening, we all worked together to build some huts to sleep in, but we were still pretty mad at Larry. <hr width=50%> :''[Inside one of the huts, Bob and Larry are laying in their beds]'' :'''Larry''': Gee, it's kinda nice out here. Maybe this isn't so bad after all, Huh Bob? :'''Bob''': ''[still annoyed]'' Not so bad? What do you mean "Not so bad"?! Our boat is at the bottom of the ocean and we're stuck on this island, in the middle of nowhere, with no way to get home! :'''Larry''': I said I was "sorry". At least you could forgive me. :'''Bob''': Well it's just that we're - well, can't you see we're I just I just... Can't! ''[turns away]'' Oh! :'''Larry''': I said I was "sorry". :'''Bob''': Well, that's just not good enough. Good night. ''[turns to sleep]'' :'''Larry''': Not good enough? Not good enough?! He means-He means I'm not good enough. They all think I'm not good enough. I bet they be happier if I just left. So that's what I'll do. ''[climbs out of bed]'' I'm just gonna-gonna take my things and just go away, Yeah. ''[looks for those, but didn't see them]'' I don't have any things, so I'll just go. With just my hat. ''[hops out]'' Goodbye Bob, I hope you find a first mate that's good enough. ''[he sadly hops away]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Archibald''': I wonder where the skipper is. :'''Lovey''': Who? :'''Archibald''': You know, dear, the bright, red, round fellow. :'''Lovey''': Oh, yes. Where is he, anyway? :'''Archibald''': I don't know. That's what I was wondering. :'''Lovey''': Oh, I see. :'''Bob''': Has anyone seen Larry? :'''Archibald''': Did you say something? :'''Lovey''': No, it was that tree over there. :'''Archibald''': Really? Well, what did it say? :'''Lovey''': I believe it's looking for Larry. ...Who's Larry? :'''Archibald''': Oh, you remember. He's the chap who smashed the boat. :'''Lovey''': Oh, and ruined our vacation? :'''Archibald''': That's the one. :'''Lovey''': Oh... Well, I hope that tree gets him. Serves him right. :'''Archibald''': Here, here. ''[Bob is high up in the tree.]'' :'''Bob''': Hello! People! Have you seen Larry? :'''Archibald''': Oh look, Lovey! It's the skipper! :'''Lovey''': I didn't know tomatoes grew on trees. :'''Archibald''': Well, actually... Oh, never mind. ==Are You My Neighbor?== :''[Bob and Larry beam into Junior's bedroom via spaceship]'' :'''Junior Asparagus''': Aah! Who are you? :'''Bob the Tomato''': I'm Bob. I'm a tomato, and I need your help! :'''Junior''': Whoa... [[w:Déjà vu|Déjà vu]]. ''[notices the chocolate bar stuck on Larry's helmet]'' Um... what's he got on his space helmet? :'''Bob''': Huh? What do you mean? ''[notices it as well]'' Larry! :'''Larry the Cucumber''': What? :'''Bob''': How times have I told you not to eat when you're wearing your helmet? :'''Larry''': Oh. Sorry. ''[tries shaking and biting it off, then nudges it off]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Jimmy Gourd''': You know, sometimes differences can be good... if we just take the time to get to know each other. :'''Junior''': Yeah, maybe. So, why do you eat so much? :'''Jimmy''': Uh, we're hungry, I guess. :'''Jerry Gourd''': It's our metabolism or something. :'''Jimmy''': You know, sometimes I think I could eat a whole bus! :'''Jerry''': Yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole spaceship! :'''Jimmy''': Oh, yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole PLANET! :''[The word "planet" echoes in Junior's brain]'' :'''Junior''': Scooter, how many escape pods d'you say there were? :'''Scooter Carrot''': Two! :'''Junior''': Jimmy! Did you mean what you said about eating a whole planet? :'''Jimmy''': Well, sure, but... :'''Junior''': How would you guys like to help save the ship? :'''Jimmy''': Well, gosh, that'd be swell! :'''Junior''': '''''GRAB THE GOUUUUUUUUUUUUURDS!!!!!!!!''''' ''[?]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Jimmy and Jerry''': '''''LET'S EAT IT!!!!!!!!!!''''' :''[Jimmy and Jerry are eating the popcorn meteor.]'' :'''Scooter''': Do you think it's possible? :'''Junior''': If anyone can do it, they can. :''[Bob, Larry, Junior, and Scooter keep watching as the gourds eat the meteor.]'' :'''Bob''': Only ten seconds left! I sure hope those gourds were hungry! Five... Four... Three... Two... One... '''''INCOMING!!!!!!!!!''''' :''[Everyone ducks for cover. A high-pitched whistling sound leads up to Jimmy and Jerry splatting against the windshield without a meteor in sight.]''' :'''Jimmy''': No more for me, thanks. I'm full. ''[burps]'' 'Scuse me. ==Rack, Shack & Benny== :'''Grandpa George''': Heh! The Nezzer Chocolate Bunny! Every day, they make 14,638 of these li'l fellers, give or take a few. Oh yeah, Mr. Nezzer! Nebby K. Nezzer. But you better call him Mr. Nezzer. Now, Mr. Nezzer's not a bad man, he just gets confused sometimes. Why, his chocolate bunnies are sellin' so well, I think he's gotten a little big for his britches. And that's saying something, so his britches'll break out to start out with. What's all that have to do with Rack, Shack & Benny? Well, their troubles started when Mr. Nezzer made a little announcement. :''[A bell that sounds like a school bell is heard ringing, and a TV monitor lowers from the ceiling. Mr. Nezzer appears on the screen.]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Attention, little people! I have an announcement! This morning, the Nezzer Chocolate Factory has shipped its two-millionth chocolate bunny! To celebrate this momentous occasion, for the next 30 minutes, everyone may eat as many bunnies they want! ''Bon appétit!'' :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[operating the TV camera]'' Hey, boss, that's awfully nice of you to give away all those bunnies. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Oh, if I could just see the looks on their faces right now. ''[takes a rest]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Rack, Shack & Benny are the only ones in the factory not lying ill from eating too much chocolate]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Everybody else is lying down, but you three are standing up. :'''Mr. Lunt''': Actually, boss, I think the tomato is sitting. :'''Rack (Bob the Tomato)''': I'm standing. :'''Mr. Lunt''': Sitting! :'''Rack''': Look, ''[squats]'' this is sitting... ''[stretches up]'' and this is standing. I'm standing. :'''Mr. Lunt''': Okay, he's standing. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': What're your names, boys? :'''Rack''': I'm Shadrach. :'''Shack (Junior Asparagus]''' I'm Meshach. :'''Benny (Larry the Cucumber)''': I'm Abumblebee... Abennyboo... I'm Benny. <hr width=50%> :''[Having finished demonstrating "The Bunny Song", Mr. Nezzer looks to the boys for feedback]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Well? What do you think? :'''Rack''': Um... what would happen, let's say, if someone didn't quite agree with everything in that song, so they, um... didn't sing it? What would happen? :'''Mr. Nezzer''': What's that over there? :'''Shack''': That's the furnace. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': What's it for? :'''Benny''': Well, that's where the bad bunnies go. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': And let's just say, in my mind, if you don't bow down and sing the song, you're a BAD bunny. :'''Rack''': ''[unnerved]'' You don't mean...? :'''Mr. Nezzer''': But I'm sure that won't happen. It's almost time for the ceremony. I'll see you out there. <hr width=50%> :''[Everyone, except Rack, Shack and Benny, bows down as the intro music to "The Bunny Song" plays]'' :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[notices that Rack, Shack and Benny aren't bowing]'' Hey, boss? Those three guys, they don't look like they're bowing. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[confused]'' Hmm... aren't those our new Junior Executives? :'''Mr. Lunt''': I think so. Maybe they're stuck. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Let's find out. ''[moves the podium over to Rack, Shack and Benny]'' I said, it's time to sing "The Bunny Song." ''[The factory's delivery girl, Laura Carrot, notices the situation]'' :'''Laura''': Come on, guys, sing the song! Everybody's doing it. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[with increasing frustration]'' Sing the song! :'''Mr. Lunt''': They ain't singing, boss. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[finally on the brink of losing his temper]'' '''''SING'''''! :''[Shack begins singing "Think Of Me"]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Is that "The Bunny Song?" :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[skeptical]'' No, I don't think so. :'''Laura''': ''[worried]'' Are you crazy? That's the wrong song! :''[Shack keeps singing. Rack and Benny join in on the last verse]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[touched]'' Oh, that was wonderful. I'm gonna be singing that song myself... ''[suddenly angrily-ish]'' as I throw you into the furnace?! GUARDS! ''[Rack, Shack and Benny are shocked]'' Seize them! Take them to the furnace. ''[A band of carrot guards approach Rack, Shack and Benny]'' :'''Laura''': I've gotta help them. But how? ''[Laura sees her flying delivery truck and approaches it as the scene fades out]'' :'''Grandpa George''': ''[off-camera]'' ''Rack, Shack and Benny'' will be right back, after this short break. <hr width=50%> :''[Rack, Shack and Benny are nearly dumped in the furnace, but Laura saves them, and puts them in her flying delivery truck]'' :'''Laura''': Sorry, sir! Can't let you cook my buddies! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': GUARDS! Get them! :''[Two carrot guards jump into their own flying vehicles]'' :'''Laura''': Hang on, guys! ==Dave And the Giant Pickle== :''[A sheep falls over by Jimmy]'' :'''Jimmy Gourd''': Oh, Dave! One of my sheep fell over! Will you come pick it up for me? :'''Dave (Junior Asparagus)''': ''[struggling to pick up another sheep]'' I'm kinda busy right now. :'''Jimmy''': ''[miffed]'' Do you remember the time we dipped you in tar and stuck you to the backside of an angry water buffalo? :'''Dave''': I'll be right there! :''[Another sheep falls over by Tom]'' :'''Tom Grape''': Hey, Dave! One of my sheep fell, too! :'''Dave''': Just a minute! :''[Jerry knocks over a row of sheep]'' :'''Jerry Gourd''': ''[smugly]'' Oh, look! All of my sheep fell over. Dave! :'''Jimmy''': Oh, Dave! After you pick up our sheep, could you run and get me a bite to eat? I'm famished! :'''Jerry''': Oh, yeah! Me, too! Get me something, too! :'''Jimmy''': You know, sometimes I think I could eat a whole camel! :'''Jerry''': Oh, yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole spaceship! :'''Jimmy''': ''[confused]'' Uh, what's a spaceship? :'''Jerry''': I have no idea. <hr width=50%> :''[The Philistines, portrayed by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from across the battlefield]'' :'''Jean-Claude''': Hello, Israelites! You are pigs, and soon we will put apples in your mouths and stick you in our toaster ovens! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! :'''Christophe''': Ah, yes, after we defeat you, you will be our slaves and you will have to fetch us our slippers. :'''Jean-Claude''': Yes, and iron our trousers! :'''Christophe''': Ho-ho, and wipe our little noses. :'''Jean-Claude''': Ha-ha, and scratch that spot on our backs that we cannot reach no matter how hard we try. Ha! ''[no response from the Israelites]'' Don't you have anything to say? :'''Jimmy''': Um... Do you guys have any fried chicken? I've got a real hankering for fried chicken. :'''Jerry''': Yeah, me, too! :'''Jean-Claude''': ''[to Christophe]'' This is going to be easier than we thought. <hr width=50%> :'''Goliath''': Who will fight me?! :'''Dave''': I will fight you, Goliath! :'''Jimmy''': ''[to Tom and Jerry]'' You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that sounded like Dave! :'''Tom''': ''[laughs]'' Well, yeah! ''[spots Dave running out onto the battlefield]'' You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that ''looks'' like Dave! :'''Dave's Brothers''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! ''[Dave smiles at his brothers]'' ''DAVE?!'' ''[Jimmy faints]'' :'''Bob the Tomato''': ''[narrating]'' Goliath was equally surprised. :'''Goliath''': Who said that? :'''Dave''': ''[clears throat]'' I did! :'''Goliath''': Huh? ''[sees Dave]'' Oh ho ho! Am I a dog that you come at me with sticks? :''[Philistines laugh]'' :'''Dave''': I don't exactly know what you mean, but you are not a dog! You're just a really big guy who wants to beat me up! And I come at you not with sticks, but in the name of the God of Israel, who this day will help me defeat you! :'''Goliath''': We will see who defeats who! Now we fight! :'''Jean-Claude''': It's showtime! ==The Toy That Saved Christmas (1996/1997)== :''[The Veggie kids watch intently as a TV commercial plays]'' :'''Wally P. Nezzer''': ''[dressed as [[w:Santa Claus|Santa Claus]]]'' Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Hey kids, do you have the "don't know what I want for Christmas" blues? If I know my toys, and you know I do, than I know just what you're looking for. You want a toy that's fun. You want a toy that's cute. Most importantly, you want a toy with a fully-functioning buzzsaw in his right hand. That's right, you want Buzz-Saw Louie! ''[camera shows the toy and demonstrates the buzzsaw]'' Cool, huh? But wait, there's more! Buzz-Saw Louie also knows the true meanin' of Christmas. All you have to do is push his nose and... ''[presses the Louie's nose]'' :'''Buzzsaw Louie''': Christmas is when you get stuff! You need more toys! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Getting your own doll is easy. Just have your parents place an order, and one of our trained penguins will deliver it right to your door. :'''Announcer''': Delivery not available to Pugslyville due to the collapse of the Pugslyville Bridge. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': So take it from me, Mr. Nezzer... I mean, Santa Claus and his little elf helper. :'''Mr Lunt''': ''[wearing pointed ears and hat]'' Look at me, I'm an elf! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': You just won't be happy until you have Buzz-Saw Louie, the only toy with a working buzzsaw ''and'' the true meaning of Christmas. :'''Buzzsaw Louie''': Billy has more toys than you. ''[The commercial ends, and the Veggie kids run home to beg their parents for more toys]'' :'''Junior''': ''[cries]'' Mom! Mom! We need more toys! :'''Percy''': Billy has more toys than me! :'''Dad Pea''': Who's Billy? :'''Percy''': I dunno, but he has more toys than me! :'''Laura''': ''[whines loudly]'' I want a Buzz-Saw Louie! :'''Lenny''': I want 10 Buzz-Saw Louies! :'''Laura and Lenny''': Cuz that's the true meaning of Christmas! Nah! ''[crying]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Random <hr width=50%> :'''Annie''': ''[off-screen]'' That's not an Christmases about? <hr width=50%> :''[Bob is lying upside down in a snow pile after crashing in Junior's sled]'' :'''Larry''': Bob, Bob! Are you okay?!? :'''Bob''': [[w:Mouse Trap (game)|Mouse Trap]]! :'''Larry''': Huh? :'''Bob''': I wanted to play Mouse Trap! You roll your dice, you move your mice. Nobody gets hurt. <hr width=50%> :''[Mr. Nezzer is about to send Bob, Larry, Junior, and Louie over the broken Puggslyville bridge]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': One more thing. If those parents really care about the true meaning of Christmas, where are they now? :'''Dad Asparagus''': We're right here! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Huh? ''[turns to see the Veggie parents and their kids glaring back]'' :'''Dad Asparagus''': We care much about the true meaning of Christmas, Mr. Nezzer! :'''Dad Carrot''': That's what we came here... to give you what you deserve! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Wha-wha-oh! You didn't really think I was going to... heh... oh, that was just... just a joke! I wouldn't... What are you going to do? :''[Laura confronts to Mr. Nezzer, now with a happy face, handing him a present.]'' :'''Laura''': Mr. Nezzer... Merry Christmas! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Huh? Is that for me? Oh, it's a little bear! Oh, I always wanted a Christmas present, but we were too poor! You don't know how happy this makes me! Look! Isn't it cute! ==Very Silly Songs (1997/2007)== :'''Larry''': Hi kids. I'm Larry the Cucumber. Welcome to the very first VeggieTales home-improvement video. I hope you're ready to monkey wrench. I know I am. ''[hops over to the sink]'' What we're going to do today is change this old leaky fixture on the sink. We're going to replace it with a new one, which will be quite attractive and last for years to come. Oh, and by the way, it's very important with any plumbing job to shut off the water supply. So I had my assistant Jimmy turn off the water to the kitchen. ''[twists the wrench]'' :'''Jimmy''': Oh... you meant the ''kitchen'' sink. ''[faucet explodes and sends Larry flying in a blast of water]'' I thought we were working on bathrooms and decks. :'''Larry''': BOB!!!!!! <hr width=50%> :'''Larry''': Hi kids. I'm Larry the Cucumber. Welcome to the very first VeggieTales success video. Are you ready to make millions of dollars in real-estate with no money down? I know I am. :'''Bob''': LARRY! :'''Larry''': Yeah, Bob? :'''Bob''': Don't you see? This is a ''sing-along'' video! :'''Larry''': Ohhhhh, a sing-along video. I like sing-along videos. That's when you put the words at the bottom of the screen so people can sing along at home, right? :'''Bob''': Yup. :'''Larry''': Oh, the kids are gonna love that. What song should we do first? :'''Bob''': ''[rolls his eyes since the show's almost over]'' Never mind. ''[leaves]'' :'''Larry''': What? ''[follows Bob]'' Hey Bob! Guess what? I bought a whole chocolate factory with no money down. :'''Bob''': You did what? ==LarryBoy! And the Fib From Outer Space (1997/2004/2012/2016)== :'''Dad''': ''[after Junior sings "It's Laura's Fault"]'' Oh... My. Well if that's what you say happened, well, I trust you, Junior. But I'm very surprised at Laura. I'm gonna have to call her father right away. <hr width=50%> :''[Larry and Alfred are playing [[w:Candy Land|Candy Land]], stomach growling]'' :'''Larry''': I'm still stuck in the Molasses Swamp. I've been here for 38 turns. Your turn, Alfred. :'''Alfred (Archibald)''': Right, let's see. ''[draws a card]'' Oh, look! I get to go all the way to Princess Lolly! What luck! HA! Your turn. :'''Larry''': ''[draws a card]'' Still stuck. I sure hope the rest of Bumblyburg is having more fun than I am. :''[Larry looks out the window to see the Larry-Signal flashing urgently. He and Alfred immediately stand up]'' :'''Larry''': Alfred, I've got work to do. Consider our game... postponed. <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': There are no space aliens in a Bumblyburg. ''[Passes by Junior and Fib to Percy, Laura and Lenny confront Junior]'' :'''Laura''': There he is! :'''Junior''': Hi, guys. :'''Fib''': ''[runs into a nearby alleyway]'' Uh, if you need me I'll be over here. :'''Junior''': Huh? ''[he looks to Laura, Lenny and Percy, they argues about Junior's lies in unison]'' :'''Percy''': Lenny says he didn't break the plate. Laura says she didn't break the plate. :'''Laura''': Lies! Lies! :'''Percy''': It's a great, big, ugly lie! :'''Lenny''': Junior! :'''Junior''': No, no, that's not what I said at all. You didn't break the plate, and you didn't break the plate! No. It was these space aliens. They came down, and they grabbed these cows. And they switched brains with the cows. And the cows... with the brains of the space aliens... broke... the plate! ''[Looks at his friends]'' :'''Percy''': Funny. I've just seen that same thing happen in a movie. "Invasion of the Cow Snatchers!" :'''Junior''': You did? :'''Percy''': It's another lie! ''[a sound of thunderous footsteps emerge while Percy talks]'' Nothing but a big... fat... ugly! :'''Junior''': Huh? ''[looks up in fear]'' F-F-F-F-F-Fib?! :'''Fib''': Hi, Junior! ''[he grabs him]'' :'''Junior''': ''[being grabs]'' What are you doing? :'''Fib''': Don't worry, Junior. A little fib couldn't hurt anybody. Right?! ''[Fib cackles]'' <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': Alfred! I'm going to run out of road! Which button is it?! :'''Alfred''': The blue button! Press the blue button! ''[LarryBoy presses the blue button and wipers pop out]'' :'''LarryBoy''': Wipers! :'''Alfred''': ''[stressed out]'' The green button! It's the green 1! ''[LarryBoy hits it and the horn sound off]'' :''[Cut to Percy and Laura]'' :'''Laura''': He's honking. :'''Percy''': It's part of the plan. ''[The LarryMobile is about to hit the water tower]'' :'''LarryBoy''': ''(All I need is one thing; myself!)'' I am going to dies! :'''Alfred''': Stop yelling at me! No yelling! Yell, yell... ''[gets an idea]'' '''''YELLOW!?''''' <hr width=50%> :''[The Fib has captured Junior Asparagus and is prepares to ates LarryBoy]'' :'''The Fib''': Hmmmm... sort of looks like candy. :'''LarryBoy''': No really! It's spandex! It's quite bitter! ALFREEEEED!! :'''Alfred''': I'm gettin' a readin'! :'''LarryBoy''': Alfred!? :'''Alfred''': It looks like...! It looks like...! ''[accidentally unplugs the LarryComputer in panic]'' '''''AAAAAAAHH!!''''' :'''LarryBoy''': ALFRED, '''''NOOOOO!!''''' :'''Alfred''': '''''AAAAAAAHH!!''''' :'''Scooter''': Oh, no! Fib tries to ates LarryBoy! I must saved the LarryBoy! :'''LarryBoy''': ALFRED, WHAT'S HAPPENIN'?! JUNIOR, HELP ME!! :'''Alfred''': '''''AAAAAAAHH!!''''' ''[plugs in the computer and watches it warms ups and yells]'' :'''Scooter''': ''[to Alfred (Archibald Asparagus)]'' Alfred, this is no time for panic! :'''Alfred''': Boot, you transistorized tormentor! '''''BOOOOOT!!!!!!!!''''' :'''Mike''': ''[shocked in panic]'' Junior, get down! :'''LarryBoy''': Good bye, Bumblyburg! ''[gets eaten]'' :'''Alfred''': ''[sees the results]'' It's Junior! It's Junior! Junior can stop the Lie! :'''Junior''': I did it! :'''Fib''': Hm? :'''Junior''': I broke the plate! ''[?]'' <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': '''''I! Am! That! Hero!''''' ==Josh and the Big Wall! (1997/2002/2005/2017)== :''[The defenders of Jericho, played by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from atop the city's great wall]'' :'''Josh (Larry the Cucumber)''': Who are you? :'''Jean-Claude''': Who are we? I think we should ask. Who are ''you''? :'''Josh''': Oh, um... I am Joshua. And these are the children of Israel. :'''Philippe''': Ooh! Hello, children! :'''Jimmy Gourd''': Hi! :'''Philippe''': It was nice to meet you. Now go away! :'''Jean-Claude''': Yes! ''[blows raspberry]'' :'''Josh''': ''[clears throat]'' No, you don't understand. God has given us this land for our new home. So, well... ''you're'' gonna have to leave. :'''Philippe''': ''[laughs]'' Did you hear that, Jean-Claude? The little pickle says ''we'' have to leave! :'''Josh''': I'm a cucumber. :'''Jean-Claude''': ''[laughs]'' That is hilarious! ''[clears throat]'' Let me point something out to you, ''pickle''. We have a wall! :'''Philippe''': Uh-huh. :'''Jean-Claude''': You do not! :'''Philippe''': No! :'''Jean-Claude''': If anyone is to be doing the leaving, it will be ''you''! :'''Philippe''': Oh, that is right! :'''Josh''': Now, listen to me! Our God said that this land was ours, and that all we had to do was follow His directions. So... I'm afraid... if you don't come out, we're gonna have to come in there after you! ''[Jean-Claude and Philippe laugh.]'' :'''Jean-Claude''': I'd like to see you try! You could never get over our giant wall, ''[under breath]'' tiny pickle! :'''Philippe''': Yes, tiny pickle! You are not a mighty dill, you are just a baby gherkin! :'''Josh''': ''[feeling insulted]'' I'm a cucumber! ''[Jean-Claude and Philippe laughed]'' :'''Philippe''': ''[bumps his slushie off the edge]'' Ooh! My slushie! ''[The slushie hits Jimmy on the head. Josh is appalled]'' :'''Jimmy''': Ow!''[frustrated]'' Maybe we should fall back and regroup. <hr width=50%> :''[Discouraged by the giant walls of Jericho, the Israelites discuss plans over a campfire]'' :'''Tom Grape''': That's a big wall! :'''Pa Grape''': This time, I really mean it! We should go back to Egypt. ''[everybody looks at him in disbelief]'' Don't you remember? Snorkeling in the Nile? Three square meals a day? Plenty of exercise? Oh, it was paradise! :'''Tom''': We were in slavery. :'''Pa''': Nothing is perfect. :'''Jimmy''': Listen, kids! That land is rightfully ours! And the only way we're gonna get it is by taking down that wall! Right, Jerry? :'''Jerry Gourd''': Uh, yeah. Th-That's right, Jimmy. :'''Jimmy''': So Jerry and I are gonna put our heads together and come up with a plan... to take down the wall! :'''Jerry''': Yeah! :'''Pa''': They are so aggressive. <hr width=50%> :''[Josh finishes explaining God's directions to the Israelites]'' :'''Jimmy''': So... we're supposed to hop around the city for seven days, blow our little horns, yell, and the walls are just gonna fall down. :'''Josh''': Yep. Those are God's directions. :'''Jimmy''': Well... I'm sure that would work great... if the walls were made out of Jell-O! :'''Jerry''': Ooh! Then we could eat 'em! :'''Pa''': Last call for Egypt! Who's coming with me? :'''Percy Pea''': I will! :'''Scooter Carrot''': Count me in! :'''Jimmy''': Just a minute! I think you'll find our plan a bit more sophisticated. Blowin' horns in the desert isn't gonna do it. What we need is serious firepower. Jerry, the curtain! ''[Jerry uncovers a tarp to reveal a giant rocket; Scooter, Pa, and Tom gasp in amazement]'' Behold our creation: the Wallminator 3000! ''[the Israelites applaud]'' :'''Tom''': How are we clapping? :'''Pa''': I have no idea. <hr width=50%> :'''Tom''': Well, Pa? Do you still want to see the pyramids? :'''Pa''': I've seen the pyramids. Ha! I built the pyramids! Let's go to Jericho! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': The next day, they all set off again to march around Jericho. Now, God never said it would be easy. No, the people of Jericho hit 'em with everything they had. :'''Jean-Claude''': Fire 1! Fire 2! :'''Bob''': But the Israelites remembered that they were following God's directions and they kept on marching. Six days they marched and nothing could stop them. On the seventh day, just like God had told them, they marched around Jericho seven times while the priests blew their horns. ''[" When the Saints Go Marching In" plays]'' And just like God said, when they finished marching, the priests blew one long blast and then all the people yelled. :'''Israelites''': '''''AAAAARRRUUUGGGHHH!!!!!!''''' :'''Pa Grape''': ''[hacking, birds chirping]'' :'''French Peas''': (chuckling) ''[thud and rumbling]'' '''''AAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!''''' ''[crashing down, gasped]'' :'''Larry''': Hello! My name is Joshua, and God has given us this land! :'''French Peas''': '''''AAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!''''' :'''Bob''': So the Israelites obeyed God and the walls fell down. :'''Junior''': Wow! :'''Bob''': Finally, after 40 years, they were in their new home. :'''Jimmy''': [[Shrek Forever After|Ow! Oh! Boy, did I pick a lousy day to wear my contacts!]] :'''Israelites''': ''["The Promise Land Reprise" plays]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Well, we're out of the time for the today. Remember... :'''Junior''': God Made Your Special and Loves You Very Much. :'''Both''': Bye!? ''[as Junior and Bob leaves the countertop right now roll the credits (Arial Bold Font) with [[Arthur (TV series)|"Nothing But the Music" from Arthur It's Only Rock and Roll watched Arthur on PBS Kids]] and more [[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur songs]] in 2002, the door is opens and closing, Larry appears into the pajamas from Oh Santa in The Toy That Saved Christmas]'' <hr width=50%> :''[post-credits in the countertop; last lines]'' :'''Larry''': ''[singing]'' ? ''[yawns]'' Is it time for the show? ''[the lights and Qwerty's monitor screen turns off]'' Aw, nuts. ''[Again, the credits then roll with "The Promise Land" playing all throughout]'' ===Epilogue (Credits in 2017)=== :'''Annie''': I'm Annie Green Onion, the pictures of Joshua and the Battle of Jerchio. This is a Laura Carrot. :'''Laura''': I'm Laura Carrot. :'''Rosie Grape''': I'm Rosie Grape. :'''Annie''': Book of Joshua. Random ==Madame Blueberry (1998/2002/2006/2013)== :'''Bob''': Larry. How much stuff do you need to be happy? :'''Larry''': I don't know. How much stuff is there? <hr width=50%> :'''Narrator''': And now it's time for ''Silly Songs with Larry'', the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song. :'''Archibald''': ''[off-screen]'' Just a moment! Wait! Stop talking!! ''[Archibald runs out on stage as a bear-trapped Larry stands and watches]'' Excuse me, I have an announcement. Ahem... Because of the high standard we on this show strive to adhere to, and as a result of the disastrous outcome of the previous Silly Song, management has decided to review compositions from other performers for this segment. Several artists were screened and we chose one based on the applicant's sense of artistry and all-around proprietary. Thank you. :'''Larry''': So what are you saying? :'''Archibald''': I'm saying; ''Silly Songs'' is cancelled until further notice. :'''Larry''': ''[blinks in disbelief]'' Oh yeah?! Well, how'm I supposed to get out of this bear trap? :'''Archibald''': I'm sure you'll figure something out. ''[Construction peas move a new title card into view]'' :'''Narrator''': And now it's time for ''Love Songs with Mr. Lunt'', the part of the show where Mr. Lunt comes out and sings a love song. :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[sungs "His Cheeseburger"]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Annie''': ''[sings "The Thankfulness Song"]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Well, that about does it for me! What do you say we head home? :'''Madame Blueberry''': Oh! There are whole aisles we haven't even seen yet! No! I am not leavin' until I have everything I need to be happy! <hr width=50%> :'''Madame Blueberry''': ''[seeing her house about to tip]'' My house! :'''Larry''': It's so stuffed full of stuff, it's getting too heavy for the tree! :'''Bob''': We've gotta stop those deliveries before it's too late! Come on, Larry! Grab a cart! ''[Bob and Madame Blueberry drive 2 respective shopping carts, while Larry is left sitting in a shopping basket.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Annie''': ''[pauses out]'' Pie? <hr width=50%> :''[Bob and Larry are cries]'' :'''Junior''': ''[off-screen]'' Huh?! What’s wrong, Bob and Larry?! Now you looks sobs. :'''Bob''': Oh that was beautiful! :'''Larry''': Hold me Bob!! :'''Bob''': I would if I could, man!? :'''Junior''': Shh! Don't cry. :'''Jean Claude''': Pull yourselves together! :'''Phillipe''': Yes, you have a show to wraps ups! :'''Bob''': Oh, you're right... I'm sorry, where were we?! :'''Larry''': ''[sniffles]'' Madame Blueberry..! :'''Bob and Larry''': ''[cries]'' :'''Junior''': Shh! It’s alright. It’s okay. :'''Jean Claude''': Alright! That does it! ''[Pauses out]'' Cue the music! :'''Phillipe''': Unless, of course, you have any objections... :'''Bob''': No... I don't care... go ahead… :'''Junior''': ''[off-screen]'' We're over here by Qwerty to talk about what we learned today. :'''French Peas''': Hit it! :'''Singers''': ? :'''Junior''': ''[off-screen]'' Well, least things could get any worse. :'''Annie''': ''[off-screen]'' You know how think about learned song. :'''Singers''': ? ==[[w:The End of Silliness?|The End of Silliness?]] == :'''Larry''': ''[after The Thankfulness Song by Annie Green Onion]'' ''[sniffles]'' Yeah. Maybe I should just try to be thankful for the time I ''did'' have with my Silly Songs. ''[sobbing]'' Bye, Silly Songs. ''[voice breaking]'' Nice knowin' ya. ''[tearfully sings]'' It isn't any trouble just to S-M-I-L-E... :'''Jimmy''': Okay, wrong song. Bad timing. <hr width=50%> :'''Jimmy''': Look. Pal. M-Maybe it's none of my business but...why are you so down? You want to tell me what's going on? :'''Archibald''': I'll tell you what's going on! Perhaps ''this'' will clear things up... ''[Archibald and Larry glare at each other for a bit before he selects his song: "His Cheeseburger" from "Madame Blueberry"]'' :'''Larry''': '''''NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!''''' <hr width=50%> :''[Archibald has just confessed to his cancelling of Silly Songs]'' :'''Jimmy''': ''[gasps]'' You don't mean...? :'''Archibald''': Yes! It's my fault! All my fault! I'm the one to blame! :'''Jimmy''': That's despicable. I'd feel that way too if somebody took my songs away. :'''Archibald''': It's just that I was only looking out for the public's best interests. We do have standards to uphold, you know. ''[Jimmy glares]'' Yes, I see. But then I got these! ''[pulls out a stack of signed petitions and reads]'' "We the undersigned believe that Archibald Asparagus should forgive and forget the Song of the Cebu incident and return ''Silly Songs with Larry'' to its original Veggie programming. Signed, 167,512 adoring fans, including, but not limited to, the entire population of Duluth, Minnesota, and even someone in Moose Lake." :'''Larry''': Moose Lake? :'''Archibald''': Yes, Moose Lake. :'''Larry''': Wow... Moose Lake. ==LarryBoy and the Rumor Weed (1999/2002/2006)== :'''LarryBoy''': ''[emerges from shadow]'' I believe you have something that belongs to those boys. :'''Milk Money Bandit (Scallion 3)''': Well I... ''[starts backing up, but comes face-to-face]'' Who are you? :'''LarryBoy''': ''[sternly]'' I'm LarryBoy. :'' (he uses his super suction ear on the Milk Money Bandit and hangs him over the edge)'' :'''Milk Money Bandit''': Ah! Uh, what are you going to do? :'''LarryBoy''': It's not nice to take people's milk money! :''[he turns the Milk Money Bandit upside down]'' :'''Milk Money Bandit''': Hey! Take it easy, fella! Don't get crazy! ''[he starts shaking him]'' HEY! WHOA! Ooh! Aah! Ooh! ''[milk money dropped out of the bandit's pocket and landed back to the peas, and he turns him back up]'' I ain't feeling so good. ''[he starts hopping]'' Hey, hey. Hey! Where are we going? You can't do this! I've got rights! Hey! Hey! :''[Officer Scooter standing in front of the police car, the Milk Money Bandit falls in]'' :'''Scooter''': AAAAAHH! It's another space alien! ''[Milk Money Bandit chuckles nervously]'' Oh, it's the Milk Money Bandit. We've been looking for you for months. Thanks, Larry-Boy. <hr width=50%> :'''The Weed''': ''[sings]'' I'm a rumor weed! I'm a rumor weed! A tiny little story is all I need to make a big mess! I'm a rumor weed! <hr width=50%> :'''Larry''': ''[he sees the Weed on the flowerbed]'' Hey! You're a weed! :'''The Weed''': That's right, but did you hear about Alfred? :'''Larry''': Oh, Alfred's gonna be mad! He hates weeds in his flowerbed! :'''The Weed''': Yeah, but, did you hear about Alfred? :'''Larry''': You better get out of here, before Alfred comes back! :'''The Weed''': You're not listening to me! Did you hear... Ugh. :'''Alfred''': ''[off-screen]'' Master Larry! It's the Mayor! She says it's urgent! :'''Larry''': I'll be right there! ''[to The Weed]'' I gotta go. Hold that thought. <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': Okay. I can do this. I am... after all... a superhero! ''[then he notices the Weed sitting]'' Oh, look! It's just a little one! ''[he hops over to the Weed]'' What was I so nervous about? You've met your match, Weed! I'm gonna take you, and I'm gonna... :''[The Mother Weed reveals herself behind him. LarryBoy looks up and gets scared.]'' :'''LarryBoy''': '''''Mother!''''' <hr width=50%> :'''Alfred''': ''[stops beside Scooter's police car]'' Oh, yes! Officer, I need your help! LarryBoy is battling a giant weed in the sewer system... :'''Scooter''': Aah! The robot! ''[he starts engine and drives away]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Alfred''': I'm not a robot, I'm... British! <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': I'm warning you! I'm a super...! ''[gets thrown against the wall]'' ...hero. :'''Mother Weed''': Face it! You can't stop this weed; thanks to your friends out there, I'm getting bigger by the minute! HahahahahaMWAHAHAHA! :'''The Weed''': Soooo, did you hear the one about Alfred? :'''LarryBoy''': What? <hr width=50%> :'''Alfred''': I'm not shaking anything! It's shaking me! ''[the ground shakes harder and harder until, all of a sudden, the Mother Weed bursts out of the sewer]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!''''' ''(Alfred tries to run but the mother weed grabs him. Then she wraps herself around the City Hall as everyone watches her holding Alfred)'' <hr width=50%> :'''Crowd''': What a nice man! ''(The Mother Weed looks at Alfred, and when nice words are spread, Alfred smiles and they both look down at everyone. Suddenly the ground starts to shake from under the mother weed as everyone backs away from the weed. Due to all the kind things said by all the city folk, more flowers sprout all over the weed until her head becomes a flower, defeating her for good.)'' :'''Alfred''': '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!''''' ''(Alfred is shown sliding down the stem and lands safely)'' :'''Mayor Blueberry''': We're sorry for thinking that you were a robot. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': We didn't even ask you if it was true! :'''Alfred''': Oh, I forgive you... I forgive you all! ''[looks around]'' Has anybody seen LarryBoy? :''[A beat-up LarryBoy drags himself out of the sewers by his plunger-ears]'' :'''LarryBoy''': Hey, Alfred... everyone... someone was telling me that you were a robot- ''[Everybody shushes him loudly]'' Is there a flower show? ''(Everyone laughs, thinking he was joking, as the camera cuts to a frontal aerial view of the building where the Rumor Weed wrapped herself, as the camera pans around it and a flower flies around. The flower comes closer and closer to the screen as the score concludes)'' ==King George and the Ducky== :'''Jerry''': You want a piece of me?! <hr width=50%> :'''King George (Larry)''': We did it! Oh now, now, now I'm happy! <hr width=50%> :'''King George''': What's that? :'''Melvin (Pa Grape)''': Its a flannelgraph, to illustrate. :'''George and Louis (Bob)''': Ooh! Flannelgraph! ==Esther...The Girl Who Became Queen== :''[Haman (Mr. Lunt) wakes up Queen Vashti in the middle of the night.]'' :'''Queen Vashti''': Oh... Who is it? :'''Haman''': Um... Uh, Your Highness, ah... The king was wondering if you could make him a sandwich. :'''Queen Vashti''': It's three o'clock in the morning. :'''Haman''': Ah... Yeah. But, uh, he says that he's the king, and whatever he says goes. :'''Queen Vashti''': Well, I'm the queen, and the king can make his own sandwich. :'''Haman''': Okay. :''[Haman throws Queen Vashti out of the castle.]'' :'''Queen Vashti''': ''[angrily]'' You can't do this to me! I'm the queen! :'''Haman''': Oh, yeah? ''[throws her luggage at her]'' The king can do whatever he wants! He's the king! And don't come back! :'''King Xerxes (Mr. Nezzer)''': Don't you think that might have been a little harsh? :'''Haman''': Oh, no way. If she got away with that, no one would listen to you. :'''King Xerxes''': Well, what am I gonna do now? :'''Haman''': It looks like we're going to have to find you a new queen. :'''King Xerxes''': Hmm... Make me a sandwich. <hr width=50%> :'''Haman''': You know, we both work for the king, but compared to me, you are a g-nat. :'''Mordecai (Pa Grape)''': It's a "G". Silent. It's "nat". :'''Haman''': Are you calling me a g-nat?! :'''Mordecai''': No. Just correctin' your pronunciation. :'''Haman''': ARE YOU CALLING ME ''STUPID?!'' :'''Mordecai''': Uh, no? :'''Haman''': You get in the wagon! You, bow to me! :'''Mordecai (Pa Grape)''': Uh, no! :'''Haman''': Bow! :'''Mordecai''': No! :'''Haman''': BOW! :'''Mordecai''': NO! I bow to no one except my God and my king! <hr width=50%> :'''Haman''': What should the punishment be for these two dangerous criminals, the most wanted peas in Persia, who appeared before you uninvited and tried to drop a piano on your head? :'''King Xerxes''': Well... Uh, let's see. It probably should be pretty stiff, huh? What do ''you'' think? :'''Haman''': I say, the punishment should be... ''Banishment to the Island of Perpetual Tickling!'' :''[Markus (Larry), Mordecai, Esther, and Xerxes are all shocked.]'' :'''Teresh''': You don't mean... :'''Bigthen''': ...the island where you are tickled day and night?! :'''Teresh''': Night and day?! :'''Bigthen''': Without stop?! :'''Teresh''': Not even if you say '''''"pretty please"?!?''''' :'''Bigthen and Teresh''': '''''AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!''''' :''[The Grim Tickler played by Annie Onion enters the room, and tickles the Peaoni Brothers with his large feather as he takes them away to the Island of Perpetual Tickling.]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Mordecai is walking when he spots the edict ordering him to be banished]'' :'''Mordecai''': Huh? What's this? ''[reads the edict]'' OY! ''[grabs the edict and runs back to the palace]'' '''''ESSIE!''''' ESSIE! ESSIE! :'''Esther''': Cousin Mordecai? What is it? :'''Mordecai''': Oh, he's done it! He's finally done it! :'''Esther''': Who? Done what? :'''Mordecai''': Look! ''[shows Esther the edict]'' :'''Esther''': What's this? :'''Mordecai''': It's an edict! In just a few days, all of us, our whole family, will be sent to the Island of Perpetual Tickling! :'''Esther''': What?! Who... Who did this? :'''Mordecai''': Oh, who do you think? Haman! I told you he hates us! Hates our whole family! And-and now he's done it! He got the King to sign this, and-and we'll all be banished! <hr width=50%> :'''King Xerxes (Mr. Nezzer)''': ''[Haman (Mr. Lunt) squeals, gasps, furiously]'' You had me banished the man who saved my life ''and my own queen?! [Haman (Mr. Lunt) squeals again]'' For your punishment Haman, you are to be sent to The Island of Perpetual Tickling, along with anyone else who dares scheme against my queen & her family! :''(The Grim Tickler slams the door open to Esther's home, going towards Haman.)'' :'''Haman''': [[A Streetcar Named Desire (1951 film)|'''''NOOOOOOO!!!!''''']] (The Grim Tickler tickles Haman with his feather and Haman laughs as he is tickled out the door, just like with the Peaoni Brothers.) (While laughing) Oh no, ple-he-he-ase stop it! Please sto-ha-ha-hap! Ha-ha, you're killin' me, ha! Ha-ha-pretty please? :'''Narrator''': So Haman got what was coming to him, and then some. And Mordecai, this is my favorite part, (Markus gives Mordecai a paper) he got Haman's old job. The number two guy in the whole kingdom! Not bad. ==Lyle the Kindly Viking== :'''Omelet (Jimmy Gourd)''': But soft, 'tis Ophelia. ''[no response; Omelet repeats with emphasis]'' But soft! Tis Ophelia! :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[from off-stage, wearing a pink dress]'' But I don't wanna do it! It's embarrassing! :'''Arcibald Asparagus''': Don't be ridiculous! It's tradition! In Shakespeare's day, all the women's roles were played by men! ''[shoves Lunt out onto the stage]'' :'''Mr. Lunt''': I think we're gonna get letters about this... ''[in character]'' 'Tis I, the fair Ophelia. :'''Omelet (Jimmy Gourd)''': Random <hr width=50%> :'''Omelet''': To eat or not to eat, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to share my eggs cooked light and fluffy, or to scarf down the whole thing myself. To share, or not to share. <hr width=50%> :'''Percy Pea''': You guess where my [[w:Battleship (game)|ships]] are. :'''Omelet (Jimmy Gourd)''': 2B? :'''Percy Pea''': Not 2B. :'''Omelet''': Drat. Uh your turn. <hr width=50%> :'''Sven''': ''[sings]'' You guys go ahead. We'll catch uuuuuuuuup! :'''Otar''': Uh, Sven? You don't have to sing. :'''Sven''': ''[sings]'' But it's a muuuuuusicaaaaaaal! :'''Otar''': Yeah, I know, but you don't have to sing every line in a musical. Talking's okay too. <hr width=50%> :'''Sven''': ''[sings]'' If Olaf finds ooouuuttt, you'll be in biiiig troooouuuuubllllle! :'''Otar''': Uh, you can just talk. <hr width=50%> :'''Olaf (Mr. Nezzer)''': ''[as the storm rolls in]'' Why, that little viking is in '''''big''''' trouble! ''[Random; sings]'' What do you think you're doing? :'''Lyle (Junior)''': I was... :'''Olaf''': ''[sings]'' Giving them stuff back?! :'''Lyle''': Um, yeah? :'''Olaf''': ''[sings]'' Now, there's a storm a-brewing and you're the one that's under attack! <hr width=50%> :'''Pa Monk''': ''[after he sees Lyle pummeled in by big waves]'' Aahh! Lyle's in trouble! We gotta help him. Where's the life ring? :'''Pea Monk''': Right there. :'''Pa Monk''': Hang on, Lyle! ''[throws]'' Help is on the way! ''[notices life ring still there besides him]'' Huh? What did I throw? :''[Pa has thrown the pea monk, who screams as he flies into the ocean.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Sven (Larry)''': ''[sings]'' I need to go to the baaaaaathrooooooom! :'''Otar (Bob)''': Uh Sven, you can stop singing now. :'''Sven''': Oh. Right. ==The Star of Christmas== :''[Cavis (Bob) and Millward (Larry) have accidentally woken up Moyer (Scooter).]'' :'''Moyer''': Hey! You there! What do you think you're doin'?! ''[sees that Millward is holding the star's box; gasps]'' The star! ''[Millward hides the box behind his back]'' Alright! ''NOW'' I'M ANGRY! :'''Millward''': It's Moyer the Destroyer! :'''Cavis''': Run, Millward! :'''Millward''': I'm way ahead of you, Cavis! :'''Moyer''': Get back here, you chicken-hearted hooligans! :'''Cavis''': See ya, Moyer the Destroyer! <hr width=50%> :'''Millward''': Cavis, are you okay? You fell down, and then you fell up! Speak to me! :'''Cavis''': Hey, why didn't I see that before? It leads all the way to that window! Okay, Millward. Start climbing! :'''Millward''': What? Why do I have to go first? :'''Cavis''': Would you rather stay down here with ''Moyer the Destroyer''? :'''Millward''': ''[starts climbing up the ladder]'' I'm on my way. :'''Moyer''': Don't even ''THINK'' you can get away! You're trapped like a bug in the queen's sticky buns! :'''Cavis''': ''[climbing the ladder]'' Millward, keep climbing! :'''Millward''': He's getting close, Cavis! :'''Cavis''': No! Don't lean back, Millward! :'''Millward''': He's gettin' '''real''' close, Cavis! :''[Millward leans back, tipping the ladder back.]'' :'''Moyer''': You're trapped like a dog hanging onto a big, juicy steak that has itself... somehow... become trapped... in some way... :'''Cavis''': MILLWARD! :'''Cavis and Millward''': '''''AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!''''' :''[Cavis and Millward crash out of the window and scream as they fall through the air.]'' :'''Laundry Person (Scallion #3)''': Why does everyone want their laundry picked up at night, all of a sudden? :''[After he leaves his laundry cart behind, Cavis and Millward land into it.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Millward''': Seymour, remember how you promised I could take the rocket car for a ride sometime? :'''Seymour (Pa Grape)''': Uh, yeah? :'''Millward''': It's time! ==The Ballad of Little Joe== :'''Little Joe (Larry)''': Okay. No, I still don't see anything. :'''Jude (Jean Claude)''': Well then, how about... '''''NOW'''''!?! :'''Little Joe''': ''[gets pushed, and falls into the mineshaft]'' WHOA!!!! <hr width=50%> :'''Little Joe (Larry)''': Hey! Desperados! You better come to your senses! ''[muffling]'' :'''Jude (Jean Claude)''': Happy trails, dreamer! ''[all the peas laughing]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Baker and Blacksmith (Jimmy and Jerry Gourd)''': ''[mumbles in sleep]'' :'''Baker (Jimmy Gourd)''': ''[mumbles]'' Oh, I'm bad. No! Get away!? :'''Baker and Blacksmith (Jimmy and Jerry Gourd)''': ''[Wakes up, screams, cut in the roasts hot dog Prospector and Candace played by Charlie Pincher and Annie Onion plays the guitar, the avalanche of dodgeballs rains down]'' :'''Candace (Annie Onion)''': Look out the dodgeballs, Prospector! Phew! That was close. :'''Baker (Jimmy Gourd)''': A-And that's when I woke up screamin'! What does my dream mean Joe?! <hr width=50%> :'''Banker (Archibald Asparagus)''': Ah, anyone here? Oh, yes, dear Baker. I have wonderful news! The Mayor has given you a full pardon. He wants you to resume your duties immediately! :'''Slave Master (Scallion 1)''': And I'm extending an invitation to you, Mr. Blacksmith to join my chain gang up the river! ''[he laughs an evil laugh and Blacksmith gets terrifies, then all exits the scene]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Mayor (Mr. Nezzer)''': ''[mumbling in sleep, screams, the avalanche of dodgeballs rains down again]'' It was horrible! Just horrible! And it was so real, like it was really happening!? :'''Banker''': Oh, that's sounds dreadful! At any rate, as I was saying about our bank- :'''Mayor''': But what can it mean?! Is there anyone in Dodgeball City who can interpret dreams?! <hr width=50%> :'''Mayor''': Right, well He'll better, or I'll put you back in that jail and you'll never get out. ''[?]'' Let's get started. Earlier today, I had the strangest dreams. ''[sings]'' Seven cows sat on a hill, so big and fat. I got my grill. ''I was thinking about a BBQ.'' Then seven scrawny ones came along and GULP..The big fat cows were gone. <hr width=50%> :'''Mayor''': You did it, Little Joe. He saved the town! <hr width=50%> :'''Little Joe (Larry)''': Yeah... ==An Easter Carol (2003)== :'''Millward (Larry)''': Is that one supposed to be me? Because I'm not that fat. <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Its a bug! A big bug! :'''Hope''': Do I look like a bug to you? <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[after looking at the clock]'' Yep, I'm just going to stay awake. I'm not tired at all. I'm just going to stay wiiidddee....''[snores]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Here we go! 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1... Hit it!? :'''Cavis (Bob)''': '''''AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!''''' :'''Mr. Nezzer and Cavis''': '''''AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!''''' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Whew! We made it! ==A Snoodle's Tale== :'''Butterbun (Scooter the Carrot)''': Your special just the way God made you. <hr width=50%> :'''God''': And lastly your wings. You know what they're for. But not just to fly, son. I want you to soar! ==Sumo of the Opera== :'''Larry''': ''[singing]'' Whether whether whether whether, whether you like it or not. Weather weather weather weather, weather is cold warm and hot. <hr width=50%> :'''St. Patrick''': So you see, God is like a shamrock. :'''People''': Oh great shamrock, you are powerful :'''St. Patrick''': No no no! This is simply a metaphor. :'''People''': Oh great metaphor.... :'''St. Patrick''': No no no no! God is like a shamrock. Because He is God the father, God the son and God the holy ghost. One God, three persons. <hr width=50%> :''[Telephone [[w:Busy signal|busy signal]] sound effect coming from Bob's phone]'' :'''Woman's voice on recording''': If you'd like to make a call please hang up and try again. If you need help hang up and then dial your operator. :'''Bob''': Larry? Larry! Oh no, he must have ran out of quarters. <hr width=50%> :''[after Qwerty steamed up and broke down]'' :'''Bob''': What happened?! :'''Larry''': Qwerty! You okay?! :'''Lutfi''': ''[pops up]'' Sorry. :'''Bob''': Lutfi, what did you do?! :'''Lutfi''': Lutfi fits into tiny places. :'''Bob''': You killed Qwerty! :'''Lutfi''': Oh, no, I did not kill him. I just made him sputter in smoke, but there is a difference. :'''Bob''': Well, we're gonna have to get him repaired and we need a verse now! What are we gonna do? :'''Lutfi''': Lutfi might be teensy weensy, but he is a great big helper who knows his scripture memory verses! :'''Larry''': Memory verses? :'''Lutfi''': Oh, yes. ==Duke and the Great Pie War (2004)== :'''Petunia''': Whoops, ''[laughs]'' missed the door. :'''Duke (Larry)''': Bye, I got my hat now. <hr width=50%> :'''Otis''': You are lucky Duke, but watch out for yourself this time! :'''Duke''': No Otis! I'm going to look out for someone else first! That's true love! :'''Otis''': That's crazy! <hr width=50%> :'''Otis''': Ahh! I can't see! ''[Because of this, he gets hit in the face by Duke's pie, sending him flying off his horse and across the field.]'' Maammaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!! ''[He lands with a thud. A surprised Novak watches as the crowd cheers for Duke.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Duke''': We'll be family, Petunia. And I'll take care of you forever. :'''Petunia''': ''[giggles]'' Family? Forever? ==Minnesota Cuke and the Search for Samson's Hairbrush== :'''Percy Pea''': ''[to Lil' Pea, after Gourdon threatens to pound the kids]'' Have ''you'' ever been pounded? :'''Lil' Pea''': A cousin of mine was. He's soup now. :'''Gourdon''': Ha-ha-ha! Bye-bye, Junior! Hahahaha! ''[?]'' :'''Annie''': ? <hr width=50%> :'''Gourdon''': Aw, this is lame. I don't even like this lousy, old playground. I'm going home to play video games. <hr width=50%> :'''Minnesota (Larry)''': First, a chocolate Malta. :'''Julia (Petunia)''': Malt. :'''Minnesota''': Right. Chocolate. :'''Julia''': No, it's malt. Not Malta. :'''Minnesota''': What? :'''Julia''': Malt is a desert, Malta is an island. :'''Minnesota''': But with an Italian accent, they're both the same. <hr width=50%> :'''Minnesota''': ''[calling Martin (Bob)]'' Martin? Martin? :'''Martin''': I'm here, Cuke! What's wrong? Did you get a haircut? :'''Minnesota''': Never mind that! Where's the park guy? :'''Martin''': Huh? He was here a second ago. I guess he slipped out. Tell me! What's going on? :'''Minnesota''': Good, he wouldn't want to hear this anyway. It's bad news, Martin. :'''Martin''': Would you just tell me already? :'''Minnesota''': He was here, Martin! And he's after the brush! :'''Martin''': Who? :'''Minnesota''': Professor Rattan! :'''Martin''': Okay. Now, don't panic, Minnesota. Remember, he's a bully. We can deal with him. :'''Minnesota''': Just a bully?! He's more than that! He's my '''''enemy!''''' :'''Martin''': Calm down. The Bible says we should love our enemies. :'''Minnesota''': Love?! Love our enemies?! :'''Martin''': Everybody can't go around all the time trying to get even. That would leave the whole world in a mess. Let's just figure out what to do next. :'''Minnesota''': I'll tell you what we're gonna do, Martin. I'm gonna get that brush first, and I'm gonna use its power to defeat all the bullies in the world! I'm gonna teach them a lesson they'll never forget! :'''Martin''': But, Minnesota! :'''Minnesota''': See ya in the funny papers, Martin. ''[belief pauses]'' Alright, where is catacombs?! ==Lord of the Beans== :'''Billboy (Archibald)''': Today is my twelvety-twoth birthday. 122 years is too short a time to live among such fine folk. I'm twice as tall as half of you and half as short as twice of you. <hr width=50%> :'''Ahem (Mr. Lunt)''': ''[as he chases Toto (Junior) for the bean]'' It's mine, I tell you! It's mine! Give it to me! Give it back! <hr width=50%> : '''Toto''': Randalf! I know why the elders sent me here! They want me to help! : ''[Scaryman (Scallion #1) captures Toto and puts his sword in front of him.]'' : '''Scaryman''': Good thought, but wrong! : '''Randalf (Mr. Nezzer)''': Scaryman! : '''Scaryman''': The elders sent you here because I ''told'' them to. : '''Randalf''': What? : '''Toto''': What? : '''Scaryman''': Everyone has something they're sure they can't live without. ''[looks at the Fellowship]'' For some, it's fame or fortune, ''[looks at Ahem]'' for others, a life of ease. For a certain ancient tree, it happens to be jewels, something of which I have in abundance. : '''Randalf''': You ''bribed'' them? : '''Scaryman''': Yes. They got what they want, and I get what ''I'' want. Ha! Use your gift to help people, how quaint! I hope you've learned your lesson, boy. Life is short. If you have a gift, use it for yourself before you've lost it and it's too late. : ''[Scaryman pushes Toto aside and takes the bean.]'' : '''Scaryman''': Ha! Too late! ''[laughs evilly]'' : '''Billboy''': You're wrong, Scaryman! : '''Scaryman''': What? Who said that? : '''Billboy''': You're wrong, Scaryman! : '''Scaryman''': Who- Show yourself! Where are you? : ''[Billboy charges at Scaryman and knocks him to the ground. He catches the bean.]'' : '''Toto''': Uncle Billboy! : '''Randalf''': Billboy? : '''Billboy''': Hello, Toto! : ''[[Scaryman tries to reach for his sword, but Ear-A-Corn (Larry) blocks it from him.]'' : '''Ear-A-Corn''': Not so fast, scary guy! : '''Scaryman''': Sporks, save me! : ''[The Other Elf (Jerry), who's with the sporks, shakes his head.]'' : '''Spork''': Cookie man say no! : '''Scaryman''': Oh, bother. <hr width=50%> :'''Toto (Junior)''': I want to fix this land! ==Sheerluck Holmes and the Golden Ruler (2005/2010/2012/2017)== :'''Don Quixote (Archibald Asparagus)''': ''[WAKES UP]'' NOOOOO!! ''[pauses out via [[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]] 1996-2022]'' :'''Junior''': Oh, no! It's burgers! :'''Annie''': Don, are you alright?! :'''Laura''': What happened?! :'''Junior''': It’s just a bad dream. It was waking me into the nightmares or something. <hr width=50%> :'''Don Quixote (Archibald)''': Not quite. :'''Pancho (Mr. Lunt)''': Insufferable? :'''Don Quixote (Archibald)''': No. :'''Pancho (Mr. Lunt)''': Objectionable?! Hideous?! Malodorous?! :'''Don Quixote (Archibald)''': Pancho, I believe I just had the impossible dream. ''([[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur Reviews on PBS Kids]])'' :'''[[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]''': Everybody's story's gonna be better than mine. Hic! :'''[[Arthur (TV series)|Jane]]''': Your clock is working perfectly. Go back to your room. ''(back in the presented day in The Asparagus of LaMancha)'' :'''Pancho (Mr. Lunt)''': Just by definition, wouldn't that be... impossible? Maybe you just had a difficult dream. (Don folds up his bed) Or perhaps an impossibly strenuous dream. Or even... <hr width=50%> :'''Trout (Mr. Nezzer)''': Move along! :'''Spud (Mr. Lunt)''': Nothing to see here. <hr width=50%> :'''Scooter''': Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Holmes. But the Golden Ruler has been stolen! :''[Sheerluck Holmes (Larry) can't understand his accent.]'' :'''Sheerluck''': What? :'''Scooter''': I said, sorry to interrupt, but the Golden Ruler has been stolen! :'''Sheerluck''': What language are you speaking? :'''Maid''': Say! I speak Scottish! He says someone's golden hula is swollen. :'''Jimmy''': No. He said the goat and jeweler are out strollin'. :'''Sheerluck''': See, I thought I was hearing something about Samoans. :'''Maid''': Perhaps coats and stools all go bowling. :'''Jimmy''': Folding scooters have been rolling? :'''Scooter''': '''''THE... GOLDEN... RULER... HAS BEEN.... STOLEN!''''' :'''All''': Ohhh...! ==LarryBoy and the Bad Apple== :'''LarryBoy''': Remember kid. With great chocolate comes great responsibility. <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': There's nothing wrong with playing video games, but you let this video game play you. :'''Petunia''': I know! I want out! ==Gideon: Tuba Warrior== :'''Gideon (Larry)''': I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK! :'''Angle (Pa Grape)''': To tell you the truth, so am I. :'''Gideon''': ''[in high-pitched voice]'' I scream like a girl. <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Wiggle Turtle Tubies? They look taller on TV. :'''Pea''': So do you, tomato! ==Moe and the Big Exit (2006)== :'''Moe (Larry)''': High ho sliver away! :'''Aaron (Archibald)''': Let my people go! <hr width=50%> :'''Narrator''': Some matches are made in phosphorus factories, while others are made in heaven. Either way, it all starts with a little chemistry. <hr width=50%> :'''Bill (Sheriff's Guards)''': Heh, Yeah right... :'''Moe (Larry)''': I got it! I'll save you, unbelievable! :'''Bill (Sheriff's Guards)''': Oof... '''''AHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' ''[splash, gasps, coughs]'' ==Bob's Vacation from God Made You Special (2007)== Random ==The Wonderful Wizard of Ha's== :'''Darby (Junior)''': Is there anything really dangerous in these woods? :'''Scarecrow (Mr. Lunt)''': A friend of mine was in these woods, and he says he saw a fella from Toledo. :'''Tin Man (Larry)''': You mean, an Ohioan? :'''Scarecrow''': Yep. :'''Tin Man''': Well, my uncle said he saw one of those guys who play that little flute in the army. :'''Scarecrow''': ''[gasp]'' A fifer? :'''Tin Man''': Uh-huh. :'''Scarecrow''': Oh, boy. Not to make matters worse, but I met a fella who knew a guy who says he saw... a mommy horse. :'''Darby''': ''[gasps]'' :'''Scarecrow''': Ohioans. :'''Tin Man''': And fifers. :'''Scarecrow''': And mares. :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow''': Ohioans. :'''Tin Man''': And fifers. :'''Scarecrow''': And mares. :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and- :''[A lion (Pa Grape) roars, then barks like a dog. Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming in panic.]'' :'''Tin Man''': IT'S AN OHIOAN! :''[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby bump into each other and fall.]'' :'''Lion''': Uh no, that's "lion". :'''Tin Man''': Oh, lion. ''[gasps]'' Lion?! :''[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming again.]'' :'''Lion''': Oh, stop! I'm not trying to scare ya. I'm just hungry! :'''Tin Man''': A '''''hungry''''' lion?! :''[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming again.]'' :'''Lion''': No no! I'm not gonna eat you. I'm just having fun with you. On the count of being so bored. ==Tomato Sawyer and Huckleberry Larry's Big River Rescue== :'''Little Jimmy''': ''[looking at a record album of "Mama Belle and Little Jimmy"]'' Mama! :'''Tom (Bob)''': That's your mama? :'''Little Jimmy''': And me! Little Jimmy! :'''Huck (Larry)''': That's you? :''[Tom & Huck look at Jimmy seeing he is big now]'' :'''Little Jimmy''': I grew. <hr width=50%> :''[Huck is exploring the town of Muscatine.]'' :'''Huck''': ''[to himself]'' Wow, what a great town. This place has got it all. Friendly town people, shopping, baby with a signal flare... Huh? :''[Huck looks and sees that there is, in fact, a baby with a signal flare. Observing further, he sees that everyone in the town has a signal flare. To make matters worse, Huck spots a big "WANTED" billboard for Little Jimmy.]'' :'''Huck''': Ahhh! ''[he backs away from the billboard, only to bump into a policeman]'' Excuse me. ''[the policeman turns to Huck, revealing he has a signal flare, too; Huck backs up, and knocks over an n entire cart of signal flares]'' Oh! Really sorry about that! :''[Huck bumps into the old man he met from earlier.]'' :'''Huck''': Excuse me. :'''Old Man''': Hey, is there somethin’ I can help you with, Sonny? :''[He adjusts his hat with a signal flare. Huck sees it, screams, and runs away frightened, catching the baby’s attention. Cut to Tom and Little Jimmy on the dock.]'' :'''Tom''': You play any football in high school? You got the size for it. :'''Little Jimmy''': No. I was in musicals. :'''Tom''': Really? :''[Huck comes rushing toward them.]'' :'''Huck''': Tom! T-Tom! :''[The baby suddenly spots Little Jimmy, and starts crying loudly as he whacks against his carriage.]'' :'''Huck''': TOM! Whoa! :''[Huck collides with Tom and Little Jimmy, and the three tumble down the stairs back onto the raft. The baby stops fussing and looks at his signal flare.]'' :'''Huck''': ''[grabs the paddle]'' We gotta get outta here! ''[pushes the raft away from the dock]'' :'''Tom''': W-What are you doing? Huck?!? What’s going on?! :'''Huck''': '''''BEWARE THE BABIES!''''' :''[A signal flare shoots into the sky with a loud whistle and explodes into a firework. The baby laughs. Huck looks up in horror.]'' :'''Little Jimmy''': Oooh...pretty. :'''Tom''': Eh-hehh... eh, maybe no one noticed… :''[He was wrong. Everyone else in the town starts firing their signal flares into the sky, making it look like a fireworks show.]'' :'''Huck''': ''[paddling faster]'' They all know about Jim! The posters are everywhere! Even the ''babies'' have signal flares! :'''Tom''': The babies? :'''Huck''': Yeah, Tom! The '''''babies!''''' <hr width=50%> :'''Tom''': Who's that guy? :'''Huck''': I think it was [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel Sanders]]. <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Lunt''': Personally, I found the book riveting, full of flawed characters and classic American humor. ==Pistachio – The Little Boy That Woodn't (2009)== :'''Confetti the Fox (Scallion #1)''': For a thousand gold coins, here is question number three: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? :'''Pistachio (Junior)''': Huh? I don't know that! Nobody knows that! :'''Confetti''': Then you shouldn't have risked ''everything''. :''[Charlie Pincher pulls a lever that sends Pistachio down the rollercoaster, and onto the catapult.]'' :'''Pistachio''': But... But you said you wouldn't steer me wrong! :'''Confetti''': No. We said "''Why'' would we steer you wrong?", and the answer is... Five. Gold. Coins. :''[Charlie pushes the lever that makes the catapult fling Pistachio into the ocean.]'' :'''Pistachio''': ''[screams]'' :'''Confetti, Purina the Cat (Scallion #2), and Charlie''': ''[laugh]'' :'''Purina''': High five! :'''Confetti''': No hands, numbskull. <hr width=50%> :'''Carrot''': Oh, hey there, cricket! :'''Khalil''': I am not a cricket! I am a caterpillar! :'''Carrot''': Silly cricket. :'''Pistachio''': Huh? Cricket!? :'''Khalil''': I am not a- Pistachio! You are alive! :'''Pistachio''': I'm looking for Gelato! :'''Khalil''': Me too! That's why I left home by myself in this big, mean caterpillar-eating world! :'''Pistachio''': I don't eat caterpillars. :'''Khalil''': Good. I hear we are quite tasty. :'''Pistachio''': Who's with the ducklings? :'''Khalil''': Oh. A good friend is helping me out. :''[Madame Blueberry is looking after the ducklings.]'' :'''Madame Blueberry''': No, I'm a ''blueberry''. But I get that all the time. :'''Duckling''': Quack? :'''Madame Blueberry''': No, I never played [[W:Monopoly (game)|Monopoly]], but I'll give it a go. <hr width=50%> :'''Pistachio''': Where's all the food? :'''Gelato (Larry)''': Oh, we've got plenty of food! :'''Dorito''': Hey, guys? We're out of food. ''[pauses]'' :'''Espresso''': (Oh, no!) WE'RE GONNA DIED!!! ''[Everyone screams and panics.]'' :'''Khalil''': WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE! ==The Little Drummer Boy (2010)== Random ==Robin Good and His Not So Merry Man (2011/2016)== Random ==The First Annie Onion X Dialog Carrot Ever (2012)== :'''Annie''': ''[sings "Wheels on the Bus" while playing the guitar]'' :'''Junior''': Whoa! That song so crazy! ''[he covers the pillow with Laura]'' :'''Laura''': That earplugs to them! ==See Also== {{Wikipedia}} *[[Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie]] *[[The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie]] [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Cancelled shows‎]] [[Special:Contributions/2600:6C5E:59F0:1070:B8AE:638C:9D0:C377|2600:6C5E:59F0:1070:B8AE:638C:9D0:C377]] 19:48, 7 February 2024 (UTC) jacvttl0wv015eagap7wqfldrpyheg3 3949190 3949184 2026-06-05T13:35:20Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949190 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:VeggieTales|VeggieTales]]''''' (1993-2015) is a 3D CGI animated Christian children's educational/musical/comedy/fantasy direct-to-video sitcom that centers around anthropomorphic vegetables who mainly play characters from Bible stories. The show was aimed at older children, and tweens, and from ages 8 to 12. ==Opening Dialogue== Random ==VeggieTales Theme Song== Random ==Where's God When I'm S-Scared?== :'''Assistant''': It can't be done. I don't think you can do it. :'''Scientist''': Well then, stand back and behold as I throw this switch! It's alive! Alive! ''[laughs in an evil manner]'' Stand! :'''Assistant''': Oh my goodness! Look how big it is! :'''Scientist''': Speak! :'''[[w:Frankenstein|Frankencelery]]''': ''[moans]'' :'''Scientist''': Walk to me! No! This way! :'''Assistant''': Oh, look at it going! :'''Scientist''': Frankencelery, where are you going? Come back here! No, don't go near the door! ''[Frankencelery walks out the door and a scream is heard]'' Frankencelery, come back! Stay away from those villagers! <hr width=50%> :'''Mom Asparagus''': Junior! It's time for bed! :'''Junior Asparagus''': Just four more minutes. :'''Mom Asparagus''': That's what you said four minutes ago. Let's skedaddle up those stairs. Your father will be up in a minute to tuck you in. Besides, I think this show might be a little too scary for you. <hr width=50%> :''[Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber crash through Junior's ceiling.]'' :'''Junior''': Aah! Who are you? :'''Bob''': I'm Bob. I'm a tomato, and I'm here to help you. :''[Junior's toy chest starts rattling]'' :'''Junior''': There's something in my toy chest! It's a- It's a- ''[Larry pops out with a bonnet on his head]'' ... baby pickle? :'''Bob''': It's a cucumber. <hr width=50%> :'''Bob the Tomato''': Look up at that window. What do you see? :'''Junior Asparagus''': My curtains. :'''Bob''': No! Out the window, up in the sky. :'''Junior''': I see lots of stars. :'''Larry the Cucumber''': God made all those stars out of nothing, he just went, ''[razzes]'', and there they were. <hr width=50%> :'''Scallion #1''': Daniel, because you violated Section 4219 2R9-4000 6 dot 1 dash 7, B, of the code of Babylon, forbidding prayer to anyone but King Darius- you are hereby sentenced to be consumed by the lions. Goodbye! :'''Daniel (Larry)''': Hey, didn't get I get a phone ''[The Scallions tosses him in]'' '''''caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllll!''''' :''[Daniel lands on the ground with a thud. He gets up dizzily. The scallion wisemen call down to him.]'' :'''Scallion #2''': Hey, Daniel! We know you're gonna have fun down there! We're not "lion"! :'''Scallion #3''': Uh, yeah, you better be "lion" down, because those lions are gonna... lie... on you! :'''Scallion #2''': ''[to Scallion #3]'' Mine was funny, yours was... goofy. Lions are gonna lie on him? They're gonna EAT him! They're not gonna LIE on him! :'''Scallion #3''': Well, maybe they'll lie on him first, and then eat him... or maybe one will lie on him while the others eat him... or maybe they'll take turns between lying and eating- :'''Scallion #2''': Yeah, you think the lions are gonna cooperate and say "Hey, I'll eat him, you lie on him"? Come on, we're the ones who are lyin', not the lions. ''[seals the den up]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Daniel (Larry)''': ''[singing in fear]'' Oh no, what am I gonna do? It looks like I'm gonna end up as lion stew! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob the Tomato''': God made you special, and He loves you very much. ''[closing line of most episodes]'' ==God Wants Me to Forgive Them!?!== :''[Tom and Rosie begin slinging nonsensical insults at each other]'' :'''Tom Grape''': Hey! What'd you do that for? :'''Rosie Grape''': I didn't do it! You did, ya big possum head! :'''Tom''': I did not, you taco salad rabbit nose! :'''Rosie''': You did too, casserole-head, pimento-loaf, iguana boy! :'''Tom''': Pa! :'''Pa Grape''': Now, Rose, apologize to your brother. :'''Rosie''': Huh? What for? :'''Pa''': Well, you know he just turned 18 years old. :'''Rosie''': Yeah, so? :'''Pa''': So that would make him a casserole-head, pimento-loaf, iguana ''man''! :'''Rosie''': Oh, yeah, sorry about that, ''[under breath]'' cabbage-nosed Elvis puppy. :'''Tom''': Yeah, and don't you forget it! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob the Tomato''': Boy, I sure am glad they got that straightened out. :'''Larry the Cucumber''': Yep, the grapes were really sorry this time, so once again, Junior forgave them. :''[The scenes cuts back to the story]'' :'''Junior Asparagus''': ''[angrily]'' What?! :'''Larry (voice-over)''': I said, "once again, Junior forgave them." :'''Junior''': Are you serious?!? :''[The scene cuts back to the Countertop]'' :'''Larry''': Well, I think so. Bob am I serious? :'''Bob''': Oh yeah, Larry. Yeah, y-you're serious. Mmm-hmm. :''[The scene cuts back to the story]'' :'''Junior''': I'm supposed to forgive them again? After what they just did to me?! :''[The scene cuts back to the Countertop]'' :'''Larry''': Well, uh... yeah. :''[The scene cuts back to the story]'' :'''Junior''': Sure, I forgave them for calling me "Bean Boy" and saying I had cheese on my head. But now they're making fun of my name and they laughed when the hoe almost smacked my face CLEEEEAAAAN off, and then the truck picked me up and threw me in the sand! And you're telling me, I'm supposed to forgive them AGAIN!?! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Well, does anybody know what 70 × 7 is? :'''Ma Grape''': Nine? :'''Pa''': Let's see, I remember from college, it was, uh... π, r... oy! :'''Tom''': Was it two? Or maybe... Seven? :'''Rosie''': 490! :'''All''': Ooh! :'''Dad Asparagus''': Now, that's one smart grape. <hr width=50%> :''[Bob and Larry begin to tell the tale of [[w:Gilligan's Island|"Larry's Lagoon"]]]'' :'''Bob (voice-over)''': I remember that day, that fateful trip. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Why, yes. It started from that tropic port, aboard [[w:S.S. Minnow|our tiny ship]]. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': Now Larry, he was [[w:Gilligan (Gilligan's Island)|a mighty sailin' man]]. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': And Bob, he was [[w:The Skipper|brave and sure]]. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': And weren't there five passengers booked that day, on our three-hour tour? :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Ah, yes... our three-hour tour. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': There was [[w:The Professor (Gilligan's Island)|the Professor]]. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': And we were there. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': Of course. And [[w:Thurston Howell III|the millionaire]]. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': And [[w:Lovey Howell|his wife]]. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': Yep. And wasn't there [[w:Ginger Grant|a movie star]] and [[w:Mary Ann Summers|that other girl]]? :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Yeah, but they cancelled. <hr width=50%> :''[First-mate Larry is now at the wheel of the boat]'' :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Oh, boy. This is the life. There's nothing I'd rather be than First-mate Larry. Well, nothing, that is, except... ''[with a fake Russian accent]'' Captain Larry Romanoff, the famous Russian icebreaker pilot. Today, Captain Larry must free whales. Two great whales trapped in ice. But, there is problem! A large iceberg stands between Captain Larry and whales. There may not be enough time to go around it! But surely, even Captain Larry is not brave enough to smash through the iceberg! NO ONE HAS EVER DONE SUCH A THING! ''[Captain Larry sets the boat to maximum speed and steers toward the huge iceberg]'' Yes, this is no time for cowards! Captain Larry will smash the iceberg, and free the whales! ''[Commander Boblov arrives]'' Ah, Commander Boblov has come to congratulate Captain Larry for his bravery. :''[First-mate Larry's daydream ends, and Commander Boblov changes back to Skipper Bob]'' :'''Bob''': Hey, Larry. We're making snow cones back there. Do you want peach or strawberry? :'''Larry''': Um, not now, Bob. First, I have to smash through this iceberg and free some whales. :'''Bob''': ''[incredulously]'' There are no icebergs around here. :'''Larry''': Well then, what do you call that? ''[The boat is racing directly towards a large rock. Skipper Bob and First-mate Larry both scream in horror simultaneously as the boat crashes on the rock, flinging Skipper Bob, First-mate Larry and the passengers onto the beach of a tropical island]'' :'''Lovey Asparagus''': Oh, the brochure didn't say anything about layovers. :'''Archibald Asparagus''': Well, you see, Lovey, I believe we had some sort of an accident. :'''Bob''': Yes, we most certainly had an accident, ''[angrily turns to Larry]'' and I think someone has some explaining to do. :'''Larry''': Well, you see, there were these whales, and they were stuck on the ice, and the only way to get 'em out was to smash that iceberg over there, except it turned out to be a rock, and rocks are a lot harder than icebergs. :'''Dad Asparagus''': It just so happens that the nearest iceberg is 2,640 miles away. What were you thinking? :'''Bob''': You smashed our boat! Now what're we gonna do?! :'''Lovey''': You've ruined our vacation. What do you have to say for yourself?! :'''Larry''': Um... I'm sorry? ''[brightly]'' At least the boat's still floating. ''[The boat sinks immediately and Larry frowns guiltily]'' Oh. :'''Archibald''': ''[annoyed]'' Alright, I'll need to call my broker. I'm going to look for a phone. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': That evening, we all worked together to build some huts to sleep in, but we were still pretty mad at Larry. <hr width=50%> :''[Inside one of the huts, Bob and Larry are laying in their beds]'' :'''Larry''': Gee, it's kinda nice out here. Maybe this isn't so bad after all, Huh Bob? :'''Bob''': ''[still annoyed]'' Not so bad? What do you mean "Not so bad"?! Our boat is at the bottom of the ocean and we're stuck on this island, in the middle of nowhere, with no way to get home! :'''Larry''': I said I was "sorry". At least you could forgive me. :'''Bob''': Well it's just that we're - well, can't you see we're I just I just... Can't! ''[turns away]'' Oh! :'''Larry''': I said I was "sorry". :'''Bob''': Well, that's just not good enough. Good night. ''[turns to sleep]'' :'''Larry''': Not good enough? Not good enough?! He means-He means I'm not good enough. They all think I'm not good enough. I bet they be happier if I just left. So that's what I'll do. ''[climbs out of bed]'' I'm just gonna-gonna take my things and just go away, Yeah. ''[looks for those, but didn't see them]'' I don't have any things, so I'll just go. With just my hat. ''[hops out]'' Goodbye Bob, I hope you find a first mate that's good enough. ''[he sadly hops away]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Archibald''': I wonder where the skipper is. :'''Lovey''': Who? :'''Archibald''': You know, dear, the bright, red, round fellow. :'''Lovey''': Oh, yes. Where is he, anyway? :'''Archibald''': I don't know. That's what I was wondering. :'''Lovey''': Oh, I see. :'''Bob''': Has anyone seen Larry? :'''Archibald''': Did you say something? :'''Lovey''': No, it was that tree over there. :'''Archibald''': Really? Well, what did it say? :'''Lovey''': I believe it's looking for Larry. ...Who's Larry? :'''Archibald''': Oh, you remember. He's the chap who smashed the boat. :'''Lovey''': Oh, and ruined our vacation? :'''Archibald''': That's the one. :'''Lovey''': Oh... Well, I hope that tree gets him. Serves him right. :'''Archibald''': Here, here. ''[Bob is high up in the tree.]'' :'''Bob''': Hello! People! Have you seen Larry? :'''Archibald''': Oh look, Lovey! It's the skipper! :'''Lovey''': I didn't know tomatoes grew on trees. :'''Archibald''': Well, actually... Oh, never mind. ==Are You My Neighbor?== :''[Bob and Larry beam into Junior's bedroom via spaceship]'' :'''Junior Asparagus''': Aah! Who are you? :'''Bob the Tomato''': I'm Bob. I'm a tomato, and I need your help! :'''Junior''': Whoa... [[w:Déjà vu|Déjà vu]]. ''[notices the chocolate bar stuck on Larry's helmet]'' Um... what's he got on his space helmet? :'''Bob''': Huh? What do you mean? ''[notices it as well]'' Larry! :'''Larry the Cucumber''': What? :'''Bob''': How times have I told you not to eat when you're wearing your helmet? :'''Larry''': Oh. Sorry. ''[tries shaking and biting it off, then nudges it off]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Jimmy Gourd''': You know, sometimes differences can be good... if we just take the time to get to know each other. :'''Junior''': Yeah, maybe. So, why do you eat so much? :'''Jimmy''': Uh, we're hungry, I guess. :'''Jerry Gourd''': It's our metabolism or something. :'''Jimmy''': You know, sometimes I think I could eat a whole bus! :'''Jerry''': Yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole spaceship! :'''Jimmy''': Oh, yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole PLANET! :''[The word "planet" echoes in Junior's brain]'' :'''Junior''': Scooter, how many escape pods d'you say there were? :'''Scooter Carrot''': Two! :'''Junior''': Jimmy! Did you mean what you said about eating a whole planet? :'''Jimmy''': Well, sure, but... :'''Junior''': How would you guys like to help save the ship? :'''Jimmy''': Well, gosh, that'd be swell! :'''Junior''': '''''GRAB THE GOUUUUUUUUUUUUURDS!!!!!!!!''''' ''[?]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Jimmy and Jerry''': '''''LET'S EAT IT!!!!!!!!!!''''' :''[Jimmy and Jerry are eating the popcorn meteor.]'' :'''Scooter''': Do you think it's possible? :'''Junior''': If anyone can do it, they can. :''[Bob, Larry, Junior, and Scooter keep watching as the gourds eat the meteor.]'' :'''Bob''': Only ten seconds left! I sure hope those gourds were hungry! Five... Four... Three... Two... One... '''''INCOMING!!!!!!!!!''''' :''[Everyone ducks for cover. A high-pitched whistling sound leads up to Jimmy and Jerry splatting against the windshield without a meteor in sight.]''' :'''Jimmy''': No more for me, thanks. I'm full. ''[burps]'' 'Scuse me. ==Rack, Shack & Benny== :'''Grandpa George''': Heh! The Nezzer Chocolate Bunny! Every day, they make 14,638 of these li'l fellers, give or take a few. Oh yeah, Mr. Nezzer! Nebby K. Nezzer. But you better call him Mr. Nezzer. Now, Mr. Nezzer's not a bad man, he just gets confused sometimes. Why, his chocolate bunnies are sellin' so well, I think he's gotten a little big for his britches. And that's saying something, so his britches'll break out to start out with. What's all that have to do with Rack, Shack & Benny? Well, their troubles started when Mr. Nezzer made a little announcement. :''[A bell that sounds like a school bell is heard ringing, and a TV monitor lowers from the ceiling. Mr. Nezzer appears on the screen.]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Attention, little people! I have an announcement! This morning, the Nezzer Chocolate Factory has shipped its two-millionth chocolate bunny! To celebrate this momentous occasion, for the next 30 minutes, everyone may eat as many bunnies they want! ''Bon appétit!'' :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[operating the TV camera]'' Hey, boss, that's awfully nice of you to give away all those bunnies. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Oh, if I could just see the looks on their faces right now. ''[takes a rest]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Rack, Shack & Benny are the only ones in the factory not lying ill from eating too much chocolate]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Everybody else is lying down, but you three are standing up. :'''Mr. Lunt''': Actually, boss, I think the tomato is sitting. :'''Rack (Bob the Tomato)''': I'm standing. :'''Mr. Lunt''': Sitting! :'''Rack''': Look, ''[squats]'' this is sitting... ''[stretches up]'' and this is standing. I'm standing. :'''Mr. Lunt''': Okay, he's standing. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': What're your names, boys? :'''Rack''': I'm Shadrach. :'''Shack (Junior Asparagus]''' I'm Meshach. :'''Benny (Larry the Cucumber)''': I'm Abumblebee... Abennyboo... I'm Benny. <hr width=50%> :''[Having finished demonstrating "The Bunny Song", Mr. Nezzer looks to the boys for feedback]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Well? What do you think? :'''Rack''': Um... what would happen, let's say, if someone didn't quite agree with everything in that song, so they, um... didn't sing it? What would happen? :'''Mr. Nezzer''': What's that over there? :'''Shack''': That's the furnace. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': What's it for? :'''Benny''': Well, that's where the bad bunnies go. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': And let's just say, in my mind, if you don't bow down and sing the song, you're a BAD bunny. :'''Rack''': ''[unnerved]'' You don't mean...? :'''Mr. Nezzer''': But I'm sure that won't happen. It's almost time for the ceremony. I'll see you out there. <hr width=50%> :''[Everyone, except Rack, Shack and Benny, bows down as the intro music to "The Bunny Song" plays]'' :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[notices that Rack, Shack and Benny aren't bowing]'' Hey, boss? Those three guys, they don't look like they're bowing. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[confused]'' Hmm... aren't those our new Junior Executives? :'''Mr. Lunt''': I think so. Maybe they're stuck. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Let's find out. ''[moves the podium over to Rack, Shack and Benny]'' I said, it's time to sing "The Bunny Song." ''[The factory's delivery girl, Laura Carrot, notices the situation]'' :'''Laura''': Come on, guys, sing the song! Everybody's doing it. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[with increasing frustration]'' Sing the song! :'''Mr. Lunt''': They ain't singing, boss. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[finally on the brink of losing his temper]'' '''''SING'''''! :''[Shack begins singing "Think Of Me"]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Is that "The Bunny Song?" :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[skeptical]'' No, I don't think so. :'''Laura''': ''[worried]'' Are you crazy? That's the wrong song! :''[Shack keeps singing. Rack and Benny join in on the last verse]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[touched]'' Oh, that was wonderful. I'm gonna be singing that song myself... ''[suddenly angrily-ish]'' as I throw you into the furnace?! GUARDS! ''[Rack, Shack and Benny are shocked]'' Seize them! Take them to the furnace. ''[A band of carrot guards approach Rack, Shack and Benny]'' :'''Laura''': I've gotta help them. But how? ''[Laura sees her flying delivery truck and approaches it as the scene fades out]'' :'''Grandpa George''': ''[off-camera]'' ''Rack, Shack and Benny'' will be right back, after this short break. <hr width=50%> :''[Rack, Shack and Benny are nearly dumped in the furnace, but Laura saves them, and puts them in her flying delivery truck]'' :'''Laura''': Sorry, sir! Can't let you cook my buddies! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': GUARDS! Get them! :''[Two carrot guards jump into their own flying vehicles]'' :'''Laura''': Hang on, guys! ==Dave And the Giant Pickle== :''[A sheep falls over by Jimmy]'' :'''Jimmy Gourd''': Oh, Dave! One of my sheep fell over! Will you come pick it up for me? :'''Dave (Junior Asparagus)''': ''[struggling to pick up another sheep]'' I'm kinda busy right now. :'''Jimmy''': ''[miffed]'' Do you remember the time we dipped you in tar and stuck you to the backside of an angry water buffalo? :'''Dave''': I'll be right there! :''[Another sheep falls over by Tom]'' :'''Tom Grape''': Hey, Dave! One of my sheep fell, too! :'''Dave''': Just a minute! :''[Jerry knocks over a row of sheep]'' :'''Jerry Gourd''': ''[smugly]'' Oh, look! All of my sheep fell over. Dave! :'''Jimmy''': Oh, Dave! After you pick up our sheep, could you run and get me a bite to eat? I'm famished! :'''Jerry''': Oh, yeah! Me, too! Get me something, too! :'''Jimmy''': You know, sometimes I think I could eat a whole camel! :'''Jerry''': Oh, yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole spaceship! :'''Jimmy''': ''[confused]'' Uh, what's a spaceship? :'''Jerry''': I have no idea. <hr width=50%> :''[The Philistines, portrayed by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from across the battlefield]'' :'''Jean-Claude''': Hello, Israelites! You are pigs, and soon we will put apples in your mouths and stick you in our toaster ovens! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! :'''Christophe''': Ah, yes, after we defeat you, you will be our slaves and you will have to fetch us our slippers. :'''Jean-Claude''': Yes, and iron our trousers! :'''Christophe''': Ho-ho, and wipe our little noses. :'''Jean-Claude''': Ha-ha, and scratch that spot on our backs that we cannot reach no matter how hard we try. Ha! ''[no response from the Israelites]'' Don't you have anything to say? :'''Jimmy''': Um... Do you guys have any fried chicken? I've got a real hankering for fried chicken. :'''Jerry''': Yeah, me, too! :'''Jean-Claude''': ''[to Christophe]'' This is going to be easier than we thought. <hr width=50%> :'''Goliath''': Who will fight me?! :'''Dave''': I will fight you, Goliath! :'''Jimmy''': ''[to Tom and Jerry]'' You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that sounded like Dave! :'''Tom''': ''[laughs]'' Well, yeah! ''[spots Dave running out onto the battlefield]'' You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that ''looks'' like Dave! :'''Dave's Brothers''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! ''[Dave smiles at his brothers]'' ''DAVE?!'' ''[Jimmy faints]'' :'''Bob the Tomato''': ''[narrating]'' Goliath was equally surprised. :'''Goliath''': Who said that? :'''Dave''': ''[clears throat]'' I did! :'''Goliath''': Huh? ''[sees Dave]'' Oh ho ho! Am I a dog that you come at me with sticks? :''[Philistines laugh]'' :'''Dave''': I don't exactly know what you mean, but you are not a dog! You're just a really big guy who wants to beat me up! And I come at you not with sticks, but in the name of the God of Israel, who this day will help me defeat you! :'''Goliath''': We will see who defeats who! Now we fight! :'''Jean-Claude''': It's showtime! ==The Toy That Saved Christmas (1996/1997)== :''[The Veggie kids watch intently as a TV commercial plays]'' :'''Wally P. Nezzer''': ''[dressed as [[w:Santa Claus|Santa Claus]]]'' Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Hey kids, do you have the "don't know what I want for Christmas" blues? If I know my toys, and you know I do, than I know just what you're looking for. You want a toy that's fun. You want a toy that's cute. Most importantly, you want a toy with a fully-functioning buzzsaw in his right hand. That's right, you want Buzz-Saw Louie! ''[camera shows the toy and demonstrates the buzzsaw]'' Cool, huh? But wait, there's more! Buzz-Saw Louie also knows the true meanin' of Christmas. All you have to do is push his nose and... ''[presses the Louie's nose]'' :'''Buzzsaw Louie''': Christmas is when you get stuff! You need more toys! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Getting your own doll is easy. Just have your parents place an order, and one of our trained penguins will deliver it right to your door. :'''Announcer''': Delivery not available to Pugslyville due to the collapse of the Pugslyville Bridge. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': So take it from me, Mr. Nezzer... I mean, Santa Claus and his little elf helper. :'''Mr Lunt''': ''[wearing pointed ears and hat]'' Look at me, I'm an elf! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': You just won't be happy until you have Buzz-Saw Louie, the only toy with a working buzzsaw ''and'' the true meaning of Christmas. :'''Buzzsaw Louie''': Billy has more toys than you. ''[The commercial ends, and the Veggie kids run home to beg their parents for more toys]'' :'''Junior''': ''[cries]'' Mom! Mom! We need more toys! :'''Percy''': Billy has more toys than me! :'''Dad Pea''': Who's Billy? :'''Percy''': I dunno, but he has more toys than me! :'''Laura''': ''[whines loudly]'' I want a Buzz-Saw Louie! :'''Lenny''': I want 10 Buzz-Saw Louies! :'''Laura and Lenny''': Cuz that's the true meaning of Christmas! Nah! ''[crying]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Random <hr width=50%> :'''Annie''': ''[off-screen]'' That's not an Christmases about? <hr width=50%> :''[Bob is lying upside down in a snow pile after crashing in Junior's sled]'' :'''Larry''': Bob, Bob! Are you okay?!? :'''Bob''': [[w:Mouse Trap (game)|Mouse Trap]]! :'''Larry''': Huh? :'''Bob''': I wanted to play Mouse Trap! You roll your dice, you move your mice. Nobody gets hurt. <hr width=50%> :''[Mr. Nezzer is about to send Bob, Larry, Junior, and Louie over the broken Puggslyville bridge]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': One more thing. If those parents really care about the true meaning of Christmas, where are they now? :'''Dad Asparagus''': We're right here! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Huh? ''[turns to see the Veggie parents and their kids glaring back]'' :'''Dad Asparagus''': We care much about the true meaning of Christmas, Mr. Nezzer! :'''Dad Carrot''': That's what we came here... to give you what you deserve! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Wha-wha-oh! You didn't really think I was going to... heh... oh, that was just... just a joke! I wouldn't... What are you going to do? :''[Laura confronts to Mr. Nezzer, now with a happy face, handing him a present.]'' :'''Laura''': Mr. Nezzer... Merry Christmas! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Huh? Is that for me? Oh, it's a little bear! Oh, I always wanted a Christmas present, but we were too poor! You don't know how happy this makes me! Look! Isn't it cute! ==Very Silly Songs (1997/2007)== :'''Larry''': Hi kids. I'm Larry the Cucumber. Welcome to the very first VeggieTales home-improvement video. I hope you're ready to monkey wrench. I know I am. ''[hops over to the sink]'' What we're going to do today is change this old leaky fixture on the sink. We're going to replace it with a new one, which will be quite attractive and last for years to come. Oh, and by the way, it's very important with any plumbing job to shut off the water supply. So I had my assistant Jimmy turn off the water to the kitchen. ''[twists the wrench]'' :'''Jimmy''': Oh... you meant the ''kitchen'' sink. ''[faucet explodes and sends Larry flying in a blast of water]'' I thought we were working on bathrooms and decks. :'''Larry''': BOB!!!!!! <hr width=50%> :'''Larry''': Hi kids. I'm Larry the Cucumber. Welcome to the very first VeggieTales success video. Are you ready to make millions of dollars in real-estate with no money down? I know I am. :'''Bob''': LARRY! :'''Larry''': Yeah, Bob? :'''Bob''': Don't you see? This is a ''sing-along'' video! :'''Larry''': Ohhhhh, a sing-along video. I like sing-along videos. That's when you put the words at the bottom of the screen so people can sing along at home, right? :'''Bob''': Yup. :'''Larry''': Oh, the kids are gonna love that. What song should we do first? :'''Bob''': ''[rolls his eyes since the show's almost over]'' Never mind. ''[leaves]'' :'''Larry''': What? ''[follows Bob]'' Hey Bob! Guess what? I bought a whole chocolate factory with no money down. :'''Bob''': You did what? ==LarryBoy! And the Fib From Outer Space (1997/2004/2012/2016)== :'''Dad''': ''[after Junior sings "It's Laura's Fault"]'' Oh... My. Well if that's what you say happened, well, I trust you, Junior. But I'm very surprised at Laura. I'm gonna have to call her father right away. <hr width=50%> :''[Larry and Alfred are playing [[w:Candy Land|Candy Land]], stomach growling]'' :'''Larry''': I'm still stuck in the Molasses Swamp. I've been here for 38 turns. Your turn, Alfred. :'''Alfred (Archibald)''': Right, let's see. ''[draws a card]'' Oh, look! I get to go all the way to Princess Lolly! What luck! HA! Your turn. :'''Larry''': ''[draws a card]'' Still stuck. I sure hope the rest of Bumblyburg is having more fun than I am. :''[Larry looks out the window to see the Larry-Signal flashing urgently. He and Alfred immediately stand up]'' :'''Larry''': Alfred, I've got work to do. Consider our game... postponed. <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': There are no space aliens in a Bumblyburg. ''[Passes by Junior and Fib to Percy, Laura and Lenny confront Junior]'' :'''Laura''': There he is! :'''Junior''': Hi, guys. :'''Fib''': ''[runs into a nearby alleyway]'' Uh, if you need me I'll be over here. :'''Junior''': Huh? ''[he looks to Laura, Lenny and Percy, they argues about Junior's lies in unison]'' :'''Percy''': Lenny says he didn't break the plate. Laura says she didn't break the plate. :'''Laura''': Lies! Lies! :'''Percy''': It's a great, big, ugly lie! :'''Lenny''': Junior! :'''Junior''': No, no, that's not what I said at all. You didn't break the plate, and you didn't break the plate! No. It was these space aliens. They came down, and they grabbed these cows. And they switched brains with the cows. And the cows... with the brains of the space aliens... broke... the plate! ''[Looks at his friends]'' :'''Percy''': Funny. I've just seen that same thing happen in a movie. "Invasion of the Cow Snatchers!" :'''Junior''': You did? :'''Percy''': It's another lie! ''[a sound of thunderous footsteps emerge while Percy talks]'' Nothing but a big... fat... ugly! :'''Junior''': Huh? ''[looks up in fear]'' F-F-F-F-F-Fib?! :'''Fib''': Hi, Junior! ''[he grabs him]'' :'''Junior''': ''[being grabs]'' What are you doing? :'''Fib''': Don't worry, Junior. A little fib couldn't hurt anybody. Right?! ''[Fib cackles]'' <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': Alfred! I'm going to run out of road! Which button is it?! :'''Alfred''': The blue button! Press the blue button! ''[LarryBoy presses the blue button and wipers pop out]'' :'''LarryBoy''': Wipers! :'''Alfred''': ''[stressed out]'' The green button! It's the green 1! ''[LarryBoy hits it and the horn sound off]'' :''[Cut to Percy and Laura]'' :'''Laura''': He's honking. :'''Percy''': It's part of the plan. ''[The LarryMobile is about to hit the water tower]'' :'''LarryBoy''': ''(All I need is one thing; myself!)'' I am going to dies! :'''Alfred''': Stop yelling at me! No yelling! Yell, yell... ''[gets an idea]'' '''''YELLOW!?''''' <hr width=50%> :''[The Fib has captured Junior Asparagus and is prepares to ates LarryBoy]'' :'''The Fib''': Hmmmm... sort of looks like candy. :'''LarryBoy''': No really! It's spandex! It's quite bitter! ALFREEEEED!! :'''Alfred''': I'm gettin' a readin'! :'''LarryBoy''': Alfred!? :'''Alfred''': It looks like...! It looks like...! ''[accidentally unplugs the LarryComputer in panic]'' '''''AAAAAAAHH!!''''' :'''LarryBoy''': ALFRED, '''''NOOOOO!!''''' :'''Alfred''': '''''AAAAAAAHH!!''''' :'''Scooter''': Oh, no! Fib tries to ates LarryBoy! I must saved the LarryBoy! :'''LarryBoy''': ALFRED, WHAT'S HAPPENIN'?! JUNIOR, HELP ME!! :'''Alfred''': '''''AAAAAAAHH!!''''' ''[plugs in the computer and watches it warms ups and yells]'' :'''Scooter''': ''[to Alfred (Archibald Asparagus)]'' Alfred, this is no time for panic! :'''Alfred''': Boot, you transistorized tormentor! '''''BOOOOOT!!!!!!!!''''' :'''Mike''': ''[shocked in panic]'' Junior, get down! :'''LarryBoy''': Good bye, Bumblyburg! ''[gets eaten]'' :'''Alfred''': ''[sees the results]'' It's Junior! It's Junior! Junior can stop the Lie! :'''Junior''': I did it! :'''Fib''': Hm? :'''Junior''': I broke the plate! ''[?]'' <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': '''''I! Am! That! Hero!''''' ==Josh and the Big Wall! (1997/2002/2005/2017)== :''[The defenders of Jericho, played by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from atop the city's great wall]'' :'''Josh (Larry the Cucumber)''': Who are you? :'''Jean-Claude''': Who are we? I think we should ask. Who are ''you''? :'''Josh''': Oh, um... I am Joshua. And these are the children of Israel. :'''Philippe''': Ooh! Hello, children! :'''Jimmy Gourd''': Hi! :'''Philippe''': It was nice to meet you. Now go away! :'''Jean-Claude''': Yes! ''[blows raspberry]'' :'''Josh''': ''[clears throat]'' No, you don't understand. God has given us this land for our new home. So, well... ''you're'' gonna have to leave. :'''Philippe''': ''[laughs]'' Did you hear that, Jean-Claude? The little pickle says ''we'' have to leave! :'''Josh''': I'm a cucumber. :'''Jean-Claude''': ''[laughs]'' That is hilarious! ''[clears throat]'' Let me point something out to you, ''pickle''. We have a wall! :'''Philippe''': Uh-huh. :'''Jean-Claude''': You do not! :'''Philippe''': No! :'''Jean-Claude''': If anyone is to be doing the leaving, it will be ''you''! :'''Philippe''': Oh, that is right! :'''Josh''': Now, listen to me! Our God said that this land was ours, and that all we had to do was follow His directions. So... I'm afraid... if you don't come out, we're gonna have to come in there after you! ''[Jean-Claude and Philippe laugh.]'' :'''Jean-Claude''': I'd like to see you try! You could never get over our giant wall, ''[under breath]'' tiny pickle! :'''Philippe''': Yes, tiny pickle! You are not a mighty dill, you are just a baby gherkin! :'''Josh''': ''[feeling insulted]'' I'm a cucumber! ''[Jean-Claude and Philippe laughed]'' :'''Philippe''': ''[bumps his slushie off the edge]'' Ooh! My slushie! ''[The slushie hits Jimmy on the head. Josh is appalled]'' :'''Jimmy''': Ow!''[frustrated]'' Maybe we should fall back and regroup. <hr width=50%> :''[Discouraged by the giant walls of Jericho, the Israelites discuss plans over a campfire]'' :'''Tom Grape''': That's a big wall! :'''Pa Grape''': This time, I really mean it! We should go back to Egypt. ''[everybody looks at him in disbelief]'' Don't you remember? Snorkeling in the Nile? Three square meals a day? Plenty of exercise? Oh, it was paradise! :'''Tom''': We were in slavery. :'''Pa''': Nothing is perfect. :'''Jimmy''': Listen, kids! That land is rightfully ours! And the only way we're gonna get it is by taking down that wall! Right, Jerry? :'''Jerry Gourd''': Uh, yeah. Th-That's right, Jimmy. :'''Jimmy''': So Jerry and I are gonna put our heads together and come up with a plan... to take down the wall! :'''Jerry''': Yeah! :'''Pa''': They are so aggressive. <hr width=50%> :''[Josh finishes explaining God's directions to the Israelites]'' :'''Jimmy''': So... we're supposed to hop around the city for seven days, blow our little horns, yell, and the walls are just gonna fall down. :'''Josh''': Yep. Those are God's directions. :'''Jimmy''': Well... I'm sure that would work great... if the walls were made out of Jell-O! :'''Jerry''': Ooh! Then we could eat 'em! :'''Pa''': Last call for Egypt! Who's coming with me? :'''Percy Pea''': I will! :'''Scooter Carrot''': Count me in! :'''Jimmy''': Just a minute! I think you'll find our plan a bit more sophisticated. Blowin' horns in the desert isn't gonna do it. What we need is serious firepower. Jerry, the curtain! ''[Jerry uncovers a tarp to reveal a giant rocket; Scooter, Pa, and Tom gasp in amazement]'' Behold our creation: the Wallminator 3000! ''[the Israelites applaud]'' :'''Tom''': How are we clapping? :'''Pa''': I have no idea. <hr width=50%> :'''Tom''': Well, Pa? Do you still want to see the pyramids? :'''Pa''': I've seen the pyramids. Ha! I built the pyramids! Let's go to Jericho! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': The next day, they all set off again to march around Jericho. Now, God never said it would be easy. No, the people of Jericho hit 'em with everything they had. :'''Jean-Claude''': Fire 1! Fire 2! :'''Bob''': But the Israelites remembered that they were following God's directions and they kept on marching. Six days they marched and nothing could stop them. On the seventh day, just like God had told them, they marched around Jericho seven times while the priests blew their horns. ''[" When the Saints Go Marching In" plays]'' And just like God said, when they finished marching, the priests blew one long blast and then all the people yelled. :'''Israelites''': '''''AAAAARRRUUUGGGHHH!!!!!!''''' :'''Pa Grape''': ''[hacking, birds chirping]'' :'''French Peas''': (chuckling) ''[thud and rumbling]'' '''''AAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!''''' ''[crashing down, gasped]'' :'''Larry''': Hello! My name is Joshua, and God has given us this land! :'''French Peas''': '''''AAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!''''' :'''Bob''': So the Israelites obeyed God and the walls fell down. :'''Junior''': Wow! :'''Bob''': Finally, after 40 years, they were in their new home. :'''Jimmy''': [[Shrek Forever After|Ow! Oh! Boy, did I pick a lousy day to wear my contacts!]] :'''Israelites''': ''["The Promise Land Reprise" plays]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Well, we're out of the time for the today. Remember... :'''Junior''': God Made Your Special and Loves You Very Much. :'''Both''': Bye!? ''[as Junior and Bob leaves the countertop right now roll the credits (Arial Bold Font) with [[Arthur (TV series)|"Nothing But the Music" from Arthur It's Only Rock and Roll watched Arthur on PBS Kids]] and more [[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur songs]] in 2002, the door is opens and closing, Larry appears into the pajamas from Oh Santa in The Toy That Saved Christmas]'' <hr width=50%> :''[post-credits in the countertop; last lines]'' :'''Larry''': ''[singing]'' ? ''[yawns]'' Is it time for the show? ''[the lights and Qwerty's monitor screen turns off]'' Aw, nuts. ''[Again, the credits then roll with "The Promise Land" playing all throughout]'' ===Epilogue (Credits in 2017)=== :'''Annie''': I'm Annie Green Onion, the pictures of Joshua and the Battle of Jerchio. This is a Laura Carrot. :'''Laura''': I'm Laura Carrot. :'''Rosie Grape''': I'm Rosie Grape. :'''Annie''': Book of Joshua. Random ==Madame Blueberry (1998/2002/2006/2013)== :'''Bob''': Larry. How much stuff do you need to be happy? :'''Larry''': I don't know. How much stuff is there? <hr width=50%> :'''Narrator''': And now it's time for ''Silly Songs with Larry'', the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song. :'''Archibald''': ''[off-screen]'' Just a moment! Wait! Stop talking!! ''[Archibald runs out on stage as a bear-trapped Larry stands and watches]'' Excuse me, I have an announcement. Ahem... Because of the high standard we on this show strive to adhere to, and as a result of the disastrous outcome of the previous Silly Song, management has decided to review compositions from other performers for this segment. Several artists were screened and we chose one based on the applicant's sense of artistry and all-around proprietary. Thank you. :'''Larry''': So what are you saying? :'''Archibald''': I'm saying; ''Silly Songs'' is cancelled until further notice. :'''Larry''': ''[blinks in disbelief]'' Oh yeah?! Well, how'm I supposed to get out of this bear trap? :'''Archibald''': I'm sure you'll figure something out. ''[Construction peas move a new title card into view]'' :'''Narrator''': And now it's time for ''Love Songs with Mr. Lunt'', the part of the show where Mr. Lunt comes out and sings a love song. :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[sungs "His Cheeseburger"]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Annie''': ''[sings "The Thankfulness Song"]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Well, that about does it for me! What do you say we head home? :'''Madame Blueberry''': Oh! There are whole aisles we haven't even seen yet! No! I am not leavin' until I have everything I need to be happy! <hr width=50%> :'''Madame Blueberry''': ''[seeing her house about to tip]'' My house! :'''Larry''': It's so stuffed full of stuff, it's getting too heavy for the tree! :'''Bob''': We've gotta stop those deliveries before it's too late! Come on, Larry! Grab a cart! ''[Bob and Madame Blueberry drive 2 respective shopping carts, while Larry is left sitting in a shopping basket.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Annie''': ''[pauses out]'' Pie? <hr width=50%> :''[Bob and Larry are cries]'' :'''Junior''': ''[off-screen]'' Huh?! What’s wrong, Bob and Larry?! Now you looks sobs. :'''Bob''': Oh that was beautiful! :'''Larry''': Hold me Bob!! :'''Bob''': I would if I could, man!? :'''Junior''': Shh! Don't cry. :'''Jean Claude''': Pull yourselves together! :'''Phillipe''': Yes, you have a show to wraps ups! :'''Bob''': Oh, you're right... I'm sorry, where were we?! :'''Larry''': ''[sniffles]'' Madame Blueberry..! :'''Bob and Larry''': ''[cries]'' :'''Junior''': Shh! It’s alright. It’s okay. :'''Jean Claude''': Alright! That does it! ''[Pauses out]'' Cue the music! :'''Phillipe''': Unless, of course, you have any objections... :'''Bob''': No... I don't care... go ahead… :'''Junior''': ''[off-screen]'' We're over here by Qwerty to talk about what we learned today. :'''French Peas''': Hit it! :'''Singers''': ? :'''Junior''': ''[off-screen]'' Well, least things could get any worse. :'''Annie''': ''[off-screen]'' You know how think about learned song. :'''Singers''': ? ==[[w:The End of Silliness?|The End of Silliness?]] == :'''Larry''': ''[after The Thankfulness Song by Annie Green Onion]'' ''[sniffles]'' Yeah. Maybe I should just try to be thankful for the time I ''did'' have with my Silly Songs. ''[sobbing]'' Bye, Silly Songs. ''[voice breaking]'' Nice knowin' ya. ''[tearfully sings]'' It isn't any trouble just to S-M-I-L-E... :'''Jimmy''': Okay, wrong song. Bad timing. <hr width=50%> :'''Jimmy''': Look. Pal. M-Maybe it's none of my business but...why are you so down? You want to tell me what's going on? :'''Archibald''': I'll tell you what's going on! Perhaps ''this'' will clear things up... ''[Archibald and Larry glare at each other for a bit before he selects his song: "His Cheeseburger" from "Madame Blueberry"]'' :'''Larry''': '''''NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!''''' <hr width=50%> :''[Archibald has just confessed to his cancelling of Silly Songs]'' :'''Jimmy''': ''[gasps]'' You don't mean...? :'''Archibald''': Yes! It's my fault! All my fault! I'm the one to blame! :'''Jimmy''': That's despicable. I'd feel that way too if somebody took my songs away. :'''Archibald''': It's just that I was only looking out for the public's best interests. We do have standards to uphold, you know. ''[Jimmy glares]'' Yes, I see. But then I got these! ''[pulls out a stack of signed petitions and reads]'' "We the undersigned believe that Archibald Asparagus should forgive and forget the Song of the Cebu incident and return ''Silly Songs with Larry'' to its original Veggie programming. Signed, 167,512 adoring fans, including, but not limited to, the entire population of Duluth, Minnesota, and even someone in Moose Lake." :'''Larry''': Moose Lake? :'''Archibald''': Yes, Moose Lake. :'''Larry''': Wow... Moose Lake. ==LarryBoy and the Rumor Weed (1999/2002/2006)== :'''LarryBoy''': ''[emerges from shadow]'' I believe you have something that belongs to those boys. :'''Milk Money Bandit (Scallion 3)''': Well I... ''[starts backing up, but comes face-to-face]'' Who are you? :'''LarryBoy''': ''[sternly]'' I'm LarryBoy. :'' (he uses his super suction ear on the Milk Money Bandit and hangs him over the edge)'' :'''Milk Money Bandit''': Ah! Uh, what are you going to do? :'''LarryBoy''': It's not nice to take people's milk money! :''[he turns the Milk Money Bandit upside down]'' :'''Milk Money Bandit''': Hey! Take it easy, fella! Don't get crazy! ''[he starts shaking him]'' HEY! WHOA! Ooh! Aah! Ooh! ''[milk money dropped out of the bandit's pocket and landed back to the peas, and he turns him back up]'' I ain't feeling so good. ''[he starts hopping]'' Hey, hey. Hey! Where are we going? You can't do this! I've got rights! Hey! Hey! :''[Officer Scooter standing in front of the police car, the Milk Money Bandit falls in]'' :'''Scooter''': AAAAAHH! It's another space alien! ''[Milk Money Bandit chuckles nervously]'' Oh, it's the Milk Money Bandit. We've been looking for you for months. Thanks, Larry-Boy. <hr width=50%> :'''The Weed''': ''[sings]'' I'm a rumor weed! I'm a rumor weed! A tiny little story is all I need to make a big mess! I'm a rumor weed! <hr width=50%> :'''Larry''': ''[he sees the Weed on the flowerbed]'' Hey! You're a weed! :'''The Weed''': That's right, but did you hear about Alfred? :'''Larry''': Oh, Alfred's gonna be mad! He hates weeds in his flowerbed! :'''The Weed''': Yeah, but, did you hear about Alfred? :'''Larry''': You better get out of here, before Alfred comes back! :'''The Weed''': You're not listening to me! Did you hear... Ugh. :'''Alfred''': ''[off-screen]'' Master Larry! It's the Mayor! She says it's urgent! :'''Larry''': I'll be right there! ''[to The Weed]'' I gotta go. Hold that thought. <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': Okay. I can do this. I am... after all... a superhero! ''[then he notices the Weed sitting]'' Oh, look! It's just a little one! ''[he hops over to the Weed]'' What was I so nervous about? You've met your match, Weed! I'm gonna take you, and I'm gonna... :''[The Mother Weed reveals herself behind him. LarryBoy looks up and gets scared.]'' :'''LarryBoy''': '''''Mother!''''' <hr width=50%> :'''Alfred''': ''[stops beside Scooter's police car]'' Oh, yes! Officer, I need your help! LarryBoy is battling a giant weed in the sewer system... :'''Scooter''': Aah! The robot! ''[he starts engine and drives away]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Alfred''': I'm not a robot, I'm... British! <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': I'm warning you! I'm a super...! ''[gets thrown against the wall]'' ...hero. :'''Mother Weed''': Face it! You can't stop this weed; thanks to your friends out there, I'm getting bigger by the minute! HahahahahaMWAHAHAHA! :'''The Weed''': Soooo, did you hear the one about Alfred? :'''LarryBoy''': What? <hr width=50%> :'''Alfred''': I'm not shaking anything! It's shaking me! ''[the ground shakes harder and harder until, all of a sudden, the Mother Weed bursts out of the sewer]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!''''' ''(Alfred tries to run but the mother weed grabs him. Then she wraps herself around the City Hall as everyone watches her holding Alfred)'' <hr width=50%> :'''Crowd''': What a nice man! ''(The Mother Weed looks at Alfred, and when nice words are spread, Alfred smiles and they both look down at everyone. Suddenly the ground starts to shake from under the mother weed as everyone backs away from the weed. Due to all the kind things said by all the city folk, more flowers sprout all over the weed until her head becomes a flower, defeating her for good.)'' :'''Alfred''': '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!''''' ''(Alfred is shown sliding down the stem and lands safely)'' :'''Mayor Blueberry''': We're sorry for thinking that you were a robot. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': We didn't even ask you if it was true! :'''Alfred''': Oh, I forgive you... I forgive you all! ''[looks around]'' Has anybody seen LarryBoy? :''[A beat-up LarryBoy drags himself out of the sewers by his plunger-ears]'' :'''LarryBoy''': Hey, Alfred... everyone... someone was telling me that you were a robot- ''[Everybody shushes him loudly]'' Is there a flower show? ''(Everyone laughs, thinking he was joking, as the camera cuts to a frontal aerial view of the building where the Rumor Weed wrapped herself, as the camera pans around it and a flower flies around. The flower comes closer and closer to the screen as the score concludes)'' ==King George and the Ducky== :'''Jerry''': You want a piece of me?! <hr width=50%> :'''King George (Larry)''': We did it! Oh now, now, now I'm happy! <hr width=50%> :'''King George''': What's that? :'''Melvin (Pa Grape)''': Its a flannelgraph, to illustrate. :'''George and Louis (Bob)''': Ooh! Flannelgraph! ==Esther...The Girl Who Became Queen== :''[Haman (Mr. Lunt) wakes up Queen Vashti in the middle of the night.]'' :'''Queen Vashti''': Oh... Who is it? :'''Haman''': Um... Uh, Your Highness, ah... The king was wondering if you could make him a sandwich. :'''Queen Vashti''': It's three o'clock in the morning. :'''Haman''': Ah... Yeah. But, uh, he says that he's the king, and whatever he says goes. :'''Queen Vashti''': Well, I'm the queen, and the king can make his own sandwich. :'''Haman''': Okay. :''[Haman throws Queen Vashti out of the castle.]'' :'''Queen Vashti''': ''[angrily]'' You can't do this to me! I'm the queen! :'''Haman''': Oh, yeah? ''[throws her luggage at her]'' The king can do whatever he wants! He's the king! And don't come back! :'''King Xerxes (Mr. Nezzer)''': Don't you think that might have been a little harsh? :'''Haman''': Oh, no way. If she got away with that, no one would listen to you. :'''King Xerxes''': Well, what am I gonna do now? :'''Haman''': It looks like we're going to have to find you a new queen. :'''King Xerxes''': Hmm... Make me a sandwich. <hr width=50%> :'''Haman''': You know, we both work for the king, but compared to me, you are a g-nat. :'''Mordecai (Pa Grape)''': It's a "G". Silent. It's "nat". :'''Haman''': Are you calling me a g-nat?! :'''Mordecai''': No. Just correctin' your pronunciation. :'''Haman''': ARE YOU CALLING ME ''STUPID?!'' :'''Mordecai''': Uh, no? :'''Haman''': You get in the wagon! You, bow to me! :'''Mordecai (Pa Grape)''': Uh, no! :'''Haman''': Bow! :'''Mordecai''': No! :'''Haman''': BOW! :'''Mordecai''': NO! I bow to no one except my God and my king! <hr width=50%> :'''Haman''': What should the punishment be for these two dangerous criminals, the most wanted peas in Persia, who appeared before you uninvited and tried to drop a piano on your head? :'''King Xerxes''': Well... Uh, let's see. It probably should be pretty stiff, huh? What do ''you'' think? :'''Haman''': I say, the punishment should be... ''Banishment to the Island of Perpetual Tickling!'' :''[Markus (Larry), Mordecai, Esther, and Xerxes are all shocked.]'' :'''Teresh''': You don't mean... :'''Bigthen''': ...the island where you are tickled day and night?! :'''Teresh''': Night and day?! :'''Bigthen''': Without stop?! :'''Teresh''': Not even if you say '''''"pretty please"?!?''''' :'''Bigthen and Teresh''': '''''AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!''''' :''[The Grim Tickler played by Annie Onion enters the room, and tickles the Peaoni Brothers with his large feather as he takes them away to the Island of Perpetual Tickling.]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Mordecai is walking when he spots the edict ordering him to be banished]'' :'''Mordecai''': Huh? What's this? ''[reads the edict]'' OY! ''[grabs the edict and runs back to the palace]'' '''''ESSIE!''''' ESSIE! ESSIE! :'''Esther''': Cousin Mordecai? What is it? :'''Mordecai''': Oh, he's done it! He's finally done it! :'''Esther''': Who? Done what? :'''Mordecai''': Look! ''[shows Esther the edict]'' :'''Esther''': What's this? :'''Mordecai''': It's an edict! In just a few days, all of us, our whole family, will be sent to the Island of Perpetual Tickling! :'''Esther''': What?! Who... Who did this? :'''Mordecai''': Oh, who do you think? Haman! I told you he hates us! Hates our whole family! And-and now he's done it! He got the King to sign this, and-and we'll all be banished! <hr width=50%> :'''King Xerxes (Mr. Nezzer)''': ''[Haman (Mr. Lunt) squeals, gasps, furiously]'' You had me banished the man who saved my life ''and my own queen?! [Haman (Mr. Lunt) squeals again]'' For your punishment Haman, you are to be sent to The Island of Perpetual Tickling, along with anyone else who dares scheme against my queen & her family! :''(The Grim Tickler slams the door open to Esther's home, going towards Haman.)'' :'''Haman''': [[A Streetcar Named Desire (1951 film)|'''''NOOOOOOO!!!!''''']] (The Grim Tickler tickles Haman with his feather and Haman laughs as he is tickled out the door, just like with the Peaoni Brothers.) (While laughing) Oh no, ple-he-he-ase stop it! Please sto-ha-ha-hap! Ha-ha, you're killin' me, ha! Ha-ha-pretty please? :'''Narrator''': So Haman got what was coming to him, and then some. And Mordecai, this is my favorite part, (Markus gives Mordecai a paper) he got Haman's old job. The number two guy in the whole kingdom! Not bad. ==Lyle the Kindly Viking== :'''Omelet (Jimmy Gourd)''': But soft, 'tis Ophelia. ''[no response; Omelet repeats with emphasis]'' But soft! Tis Ophelia! :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[from off-stage, wearing a pink dress]'' But I don't wanna do it! It's embarrassing! :'''Arcibald Asparagus''': Don't be ridiculous! It's tradition! In Shakespeare's day, all the women's roles were played by men! ''[shoves Lunt out onto the stage]'' :'''Mr. Lunt''': I think we're gonna get letters about this... ''[in character]'' 'Tis I, the fair Ophelia. :'''Omelet (Jimmy Gourd)''': Random <hr width=50%> :'''Omelet''': To eat or not to eat, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to share my eggs cooked light and fluffy, or to scarf down the whole thing myself. To share, or not to share. <hr width=50%> :'''Percy Pea''': You guess where my [[w:Battleship (game)|ships]] are. :'''Omelet (Jimmy Gourd)''': 2B? :'''Percy Pea''': Not 2B. :'''Omelet''': Drat. Uh your turn. <hr width=50%> :'''Sven''': ''[sings]'' You guys go ahead. We'll catch uuuuuuuuup! :'''Otar''': Uh, Sven? You don't have to sing. :'''Sven''': ''[sings]'' But it's a muuuuuusicaaaaaaal! :'''Otar''': Yeah, I know, but you don't have to sing every line in a musical. Talking's okay too. <hr width=50%> :'''Sven''': ''[sings]'' If Olaf finds ooouuuttt, you'll be in biiiig troooouuuuubllllle! :'''Otar''': Uh, you can just talk. <hr width=50%> :'''Olaf (Mr. Nezzer)''': ''[as the storm rolls in]'' Why, that little viking is in '''''big''''' trouble! ''[Random; sings]'' What do you think you're doing? :'''Lyle (Junior)''': I was... :'''Olaf''': ''[sings]'' Giving them stuff back?! :'''Lyle''': Um, yeah? :'''Olaf''': ''[sings]'' Now, there's a storm a-brewing and you're the one that's under attack! <hr width=50%> :'''Pa Monk''': ''[after he sees Lyle pummeled in by big waves]'' Aahh! Lyle's in trouble! We gotta help him. Where's the life ring? :'''Pea Monk''': Right there. :'''Pa Monk''': Hang on, Lyle! ''[throws]'' Help is on the way! ''[notices life ring still there besides him]'' Huh? What did I throw? :''[Pa has thrown the pea monk, who screams as he flies into the ocean.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Sven (Larry)''': ''[sings]'' I need to go to the baaaaaathrooooooom! :'''Otar (Bob)''': Uh Sven, you can stop singing now. :'''Sven''': Oh. Right. ==The Star of Christmas== :''[Cavis (Bob) and Millward (Larry) have accidentally woken up Moyer (Scooter).]'' :'''Moyer''': Hey! You there! What do you think you're doin'?! ''[sees that Millward is holding the star's box; gasps]'' The star! ''[Millward hides the box behind his back]'' Alright! ''NOW'' I'M ANGRY! :'''Millward''': It's Moyer the Destroyer! :'''Cavis''': Run, Millward! :'''Millward''': I'm way ahead of you, Cavis! :'''Moyer''': Get back here, you chicken-hearted hooligans! :'''Cavis''': See ya, Moyer the Destroyer! <hr width=50%> :'''Millward''': Cavis, are you okay? You fell down, and then you fell up! Speak to me! :'''Cavis''': Hey, why didn't I see that before? It leads all the way to that window! Okay, Millward. Start climbing! :'''Millward''': What? Why do I have to go first? :'''Cavis''': Would you rather stay down here with ''Moyer the Destroyer''? :'''Millward''': ''[starts climbing up the ladder]'' I'm on my way. :'''Moyer''': Don't even ''THINK'' you can get away! You're trapped like a bug in the queen's sticky buns! :'''Cavis''': ''[climbing the ladder]'' Millward, keep climbing! :'''Millward''': He's getting close, Cavis! :'''Cavis''': No! Don't lean back, Millward! :'''Millward''': He's gettin' '''real''' close, Cavis! :''[Millward leans back, tipping the ladder back.]'' :'''Moyer''': You're trapped like a dog hanging onto a big, juicy steak that has itself... somehow... become trapped... in some way... :'''Cavis''': MILLWARD! :'''Cavis and Millward''': '''''AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!''''' :''[Cavis and Millward crash out of the window and scream as they fall through the air.]'' :'''Laundry Person (Scallion #3)''': Why does everyone want their laundry picked up at night, all of a sudden? :''[After he leaves his laundry cart behind, Cavis and Millward land into it.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Millward''': Seymour, remember how you promised I could take the rocket car for a ride sometime? :'''Seymour (Pa Grape)''': Uh, yeah? :'''Millward''': It's time! ==The Ballad of Little Joe== :'''Little Joe (Larry)''': Okay. No, I still don't see anything. :'''Jude (Jean Claude)''': Well then, how about... '''''NOW'''''!?! :'''Little Joe''': ''[gets pushed, and falls into the mineshaft]'' WHOA!!!! <hr width=50%> :'''Little Joe (Larry)''': Hey! Desperados! You better come to your senses! ''[muffling]'' :'''Jude (Jean Claude)''': Happy trails, dreamer! ''[all the peas laughing]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Baker and Blacksmith (Jimmy and Jerry Gourd)''': ''[mumbles in sleep]'' :'''Baker (Jimmy Gourd)''': ''[mumbles]'' Oh, I'm bad. No! Get away!? :'''Baker and Blacksmith (Jimmy and Jerry Gourd)''': ''[Wakes up, screams, cut in the roasts hot dog Prospector and Candace played by Charlie Pincher and Annie Onion plays the guitar, the avalanche of dodgeballs rains down]'' :'''Candace (Annie Onion)''': Look out the dodgeballs, Prospector! Phew! That was close. :'''Baker (Jimmy Gourd)''': A-And that's when I woke up screamin'! What does my dream mean Joe?! <hr width=50%> :'''Banker (Archibald Asparagus)''': Ah, anyone here? Oh, yes, dear Baker. I have wonderful news! The Mayor has given you a full pardon. He wants you to resume your duties immediately! :'''Slave Master (Scallion 1)''': And I'm extending an invitation to you, Mr. Blacksmith to join my chain gang up the river! ''[he laughs an evil laugh and Blacksmith gets terrifies, then all exits the scene]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Mayor (Mr. Nezzer)''': ''[mumbling in sleep, screams, the avalanche of dodgeballs rains down again]'' It was horrible! Just horrible! And it was so real, like it was really happening!? :'''Banker''': Oh, that's sounds dreadful! At any rate, as I was saying about our bank- :'''Mayor''': But what can it mean?! Is there anyone in Dodgeball City who can interpret dreams?! <hr width=50%> :'''Mayor''': Right, well He'll better, or I'll put you back in that jail and you'll never get out. ''[?]'' Let's get started. Earlier today, I had the strangest dreams. ''[sings]'' Seven cows sat on a hill, so big and fat. I got my grill. ''I was thinking about a BBQ.'' Then seven scrawny ones came along and GULP..The big fat cows were gone. <hr width=50%> :'''Mayor''': You did it, Little Joe. He saved the town! <hr width=50%> :'''Little Joe (Larry)''': Yeah... ==An Easter Carol (2003)== :'''Millward (Larry)''': Is that one supposed to be me? Because I'm not that fat. <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Its a bug! A big bug! :'''Hope''': Do I look like a bug to you? <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[after looking at the clock]'' Yep, I'm just going to stay awake. I'm not tired at all. I'm just going to stay wiiidddee....''[snores]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Here we go! 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1... Hit it!? :'''Cavis (Bob)''': '''''AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!''''' :'''Mr. Nezzer and Cavis''': '''''AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!''''' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Whew! We made it! ==A Snoodle's Tale== :'''Butterbun (Scooter the Carrot)''': Your special just the way God made you. <hr width=50%> :'''God''': And lastly your wings. You know what they're for. But not just to fly, son. I want you to soar! ==Sumo of the Opera== :'''Larry''': ''[singing]'' Whether whether whether whether, whether you like it or not. Weather weather weather weather, weather is cold warm and hot. <hr width=50%> :'''St. Patrick''': So you see, God is like a shamrock. :'''People''': Oh great shamrock, you are powerful :'''St. Patrick''': No no no! This is simply a metaphor. :'''People''': Oh great metaphor.... :'''St. Patrick''': No no no no! God is like a shamrock. Because He is God the father, God the son and God the holy ghost. One God, three persons. <hr width=50%> :''[Telephone [[w:Busy signal|busy signal]] sound effect coming from Bob's phone]'' :'''Woman's voice on recording''': If you'd like to make a call please hang up and try again. If you need help hang up and then dial your operator. :'''Bob''': Larry? Larry! Oh no, he must have ran out of quarters. <hr width=50%> :''[after Qwerty steamed up and broke down]'' :'''Bob''': What happened?! :'''Larry''': Qwerty! You okay?! :'''Lutfi''': ''[pops up]'' Sorry. :'''Bob''': Lutfi, what did you do?! :'''Lutfi''': Lutfi fits into tiny places. :'''Bob''': You killed Qwerty! :'''Lutfi''': Oh, no, I did not kill him. I just made him sputter in smoke, but there is a difference. :'''Bob''': Well, we're gonna have to get him repaired and we need a verse now! What are we gonna do? :'''Lutfi''': Lutfi might be teensy weensy, but he is a great big helper who knows his scripture memory verses! :'''Larry''': Memory verses? :'''Lutfi''': Oh, yes. ==Duke and the Great Pie War (2004)== :'''Petunia''': Whoops, ''[laughs]'' missed the door. :'''Duke (Larry)''': Bye, I got my hat now. <hr width=50%> :'''Otis''': You are lucky Duke, but watch out for yourself this time! :'''Duke''': No Otis! I'm going to look out for someone else first! That's true love! :'''Otis''': That's crazy! <hr width=50%> :'''Otis''': Ahh! I can't see! ''[Because of this, he gets hit in the face by Duke's pie, sending him flying off his horse and across the field.]'' Maammaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!! ''[He lands with a thud. A surprised Novak watches as the crowd cheers for Duke.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Duke''': We'll be family, Petunia. And I'll take care of you forever. :'''Petunia''': ''[giggles]'' Family? Forever? ==Minnesota Cuke and the Search for Samson's Hairbrush== :'''Percy Pea''': ''[to Lil' Pea, after Gourdon threatens to pound the kids]'' Have ''you'' ever been pounded? :'''Lil' Pea''': A cousin of mine was. He's soup now. :'''Gourdon''': Ha-ha-ha! Bye-bye, Junior! Hahahaha! ''[?]'' :'''Annie''': ? <hr width=50%> :'''Gourdon''': Aw, this is lame. I don't even like this lousy, old playground. I'm going home to play video games. <hr width=50%> :'''Minnesota (Larry)''': First, a chocolate Malta. :'''Julia (Petunia)''': Malt. :'''Minnesota''': Right. Chocolate. :'''Julia''': No, it's malt. Not Malta. :'''Minnesota''': What? :'''Julia''': Malt is a desert, Malta is an island. :'''Minnesota''': But with an Italian accent, they're both the same. <hr width=50%> :'''Minnesota''': ''[calling Martin (Bob)]'' Martin? Martin? :'''Martin''': I'm here, Cuke! What's wrong? Did you get a haircut? :'''Minnesota''': Never mind that! Where's the park guy? :'''Martin''': Huh? He was here a second ago. I guess he slipped out. Tell me! What's going on? :'''Minnesota''': Good, he wouldn't want to hear this anyway. It's bad news, Martin. :'''Martin''': Would you just tell me already? :'''Minnesota''': He was here, Martin! And he's after the brush! :'''Martin''': Who? :'''Minnesota''': Professor Rattan! :'''Martin''': Okay. Now, don't panic, Minnesota. Remember, he's a bully. We can deal with him. :'''Minnesota''': Just a bully?! He's more than that! He's my '''''enemy!''''' :'''Martin''': Calm down. The Bible says we should love our enemies. :'''Minnesota''': Love?! Love our enemies?! :'''Martin''': Everybody can't go around all the time trying to get even. That would leave the whole world in a mess. Let's just figure out what to do next. :'''Minnesota''': I'll tell you what we're gonna do, Martin. I'm gonna get that brush first, and I'm gonna use its power to defeat all the bullies in the world! I'm gonna teach them a lesson they'll never forget! :'''Martin''': But, Minnesota! :'''Minnesota''': See ya in the funny papers, Martin. ''[belief pauses]'' Alright, where is catacombs?! ==Lord of the Beans== :'''Billboy (Archibald)''': Today is my twelvety-twoth birthday. 122 years is too short a time to live among such fine folk. I'm twice as tall as half of you and half as short as twice of you. <hr width=50%> :'''Ahem (Mr. Lunt)''': ''[as he chases Toto (Junior) for the bean]'' It's mine, I tell you! It's mine! Give it to me! Give it back! <hr width=50%> : '''Toto''': Randalf! I know why the elders sent me here! They want me to help! : ''[Scaryman (Scallion #1) captures Toto and puts his sword in front of him.]'' : '''Scaryman''': Good thought, but wrong! : '''Randalf (Mr. Nezzer)''': Scaryman! : '''Scaryman''': The elders sent you here because I ''told'' them to. : '''Randalf''': What? : '''Toto''': What? : '''Scaryman''': Everyone has something they're sure they can't live without. ''[looks at the Fellowship]'' For some, it's fame or fortune, ''[looks at Ahem]'' for others, a life of ease. For a certain ancient tree, it happens to be jewels, something of which I have in abundance. : '''Randalf''': You ''bribed'' them? : '''Scaryman''': Yes. They got what they want, and I get what ''I'' want. Ha! Use your gift to help people, how quaint! I hope you've learned your lesson, boy. Life is short. If you have a gift, use it for yourself before you've lost it and it's too late. : ''[Scaryman pushes Toto aside and takes the bean.]'' : '''Scaryman''': Ha! Too late! ''[laughs evilly]'' : '''Billboy''': You're wrong, Scaryman! : '''Scaryman''': What? Who said that? : '''Billboy''': You're wrong, Scaryman! : '''Scaryman''': Who- Show yourself! Where are you? : ''[Billboy charges at Scaryman and knocks him to the ground. He catches the bean.]'' : '''Toto''': Uncle Billboy! : '''Randalf''': Billboy? : '''Billboy''': Hello, Toto! : ''[[Scaryman tries to reach for his sword, but Ear-A-Corn (Larry) blocks it from him.]'' : '''Ear-A-Corn''': Not so fast, scary guy! : '''Scaryman''': Sporks, save me! : ''[The Other Elf (Jerry), who's with the sporks, shakes his head.]'' : '''Spork''': Cookie man say no! : '''Scaryman''': Oh, bother. <hr width=50%> :'''Toto (Junior)''': I want to fix this land! ==Sheerluck Holmes and the Golden Ruler (2005/2010/2012/2017)== :'''Don Quixote (Archibald Asparagus)''': ''[WAKES UP]'' NOOOOO!! ''[pauses out via [[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]] 1996-2022]'' :'''Junior''': Oh, no! It's burgers! :'''Annie''': Don, are you alright?! :'''Laura''': What happened?! :'''Junior''': It’s just a bad dream. It was waking me into the nightmares or something. <hr width=50%> :'''Don Quixote (Archibald)''': Not quite. :'''Pancho (Mr. Lunt)''': Insufferable? :'''Don Quixote (Archibald)''': No. :'''Pancho (Mr. Lunt)''': Objectionable?! Hideous?! Malodorous?! :'''Don Quixote (Archibald)''': Pancho, I believe I just had the impossible dream. ''([[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur Reviews on PBS Kids]])'' :'''[[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]''': Everybody's story's gonna be better than mine. Hic! :'''[[Arthur (TV series)|Jane]]''': Your clock is working perfectly. Go back to your room. ''(back in the presented day in The Asparagus of LaMancha)'' :'''Pancho (Mr. Lunt)''': Just by definition, wouldn't that be... impossible? Maybe you just had a difficult dream. (Don folds up his bed) Or perhaps an impossibly strenuous dream. Or even... <hr width=50%> :'''Trout (Mr. Nezzer)''': Move along! :'''Spud (Mr. Lunt)''': Nothing to see here. <hr width=50%> :'''Scooter''': Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Holmes. But the Golden Ruler has been stolen! :''[Sheerluck Holmes (Larry) can't understand his accent.]'' :'''Sheerluck''': What? :'''Scooter''': I said, sorry to interrupt, but the Golden Ruler has been stolen! :'''Sheerluck''': What language are you speaking? :'''Maid''': Say! I speak Scottish! He says someone's golden hula is swollen. :'''Jimmy''': No. He said the goat and jeweler are out strollin'. :'''Sheerluck''': See, I thought I was hearing something about Samoans. :'''Maid''': Perhaps coats and stools all go bowling. :'''Jimmy''': Folding scooters have been rolling? :'''Scooter''': '''''THE... GOLDEN... RULER... HAS BEEN.... STOLEN!''''' :'''All''': Ohhh...! ==LarryBoy and the Bad Apple== :'''LarryBoy''': Remember kid. With great chocolate comes great responsibility. <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': There's nothing wrong with playing video games, but you let this video game play you. :'''Petunia''': I know! I want out! ==Gideon: Tuba Warrior== :'''Gideon (Larry)''': I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK! :'''Angle (Pa Grape)''': To tell you the truth, so am I. :'''Gideon''': ''[in high-pitched voice]'' I scream like a girl. <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Wiggle Turtle Tubies? They look taller on TV. :'''Pea''': So do you, tomato! ==Moe and the Big Exit (2006)== :'''Moe (Larry)''': High ho sliver away! :'''Aaron (Archibald)''': Let my people go! <hr width=50%> :'''Narrator''': Some matches are made in phosphorus factories, while others are made in heaven. Either way, it all starts with a little chemistry. <hr width=50%> :'''Bill (Sheriff's Guards)''': Heh, Yeah right... :'''Moe (Larry)''': I got it! I'll save you, unbelievable! :'''Bill (Sheriff's Guards)''': Oof... '''''AHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' ''[splash, gasps, coughs]'' ==Bob's Vacation from God Made You Special (2007)== Random ==The Wonderful Wizard of Ha's== :'''Darby (Junior)''': Is there anything really dangerous in these woods? :'''Scarecrow (Mr. Lunt)''': A friend of mine was in these woods, and he says he saw a fella from Toledo. :'''Tin Man (Larry)''': You mean, an Ohioan? :'''Scarecrow''': Yep. :'''Tin Man''': Well, my uncle said he saw one of those guys who play that little flute in the army. :'''Scarecrow''': ''[gasp]'' A fifer? :'''Tin Man''': Uh-huh. :'''Scarecrow''': Oh, boy. Not to make matters worse, but I met a fella who knew a guy who says he saw... a mommy horse. :'''Darby''': ''[gasps]'' :'''Scarecrow''': Ohioans. :'''Tin Man''': And fifers. :'''Scarecrow''': And mares. :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow''': Ohioans. :'''Tin Man''': And fifers. :'''Scarecrow''': And mares. :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and- :''[A lion (Pa Grape) roars, then barks like a dog. Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming in panic.]'' :'''Tin Man''': IT'S AN OHIOAN! :''[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby bump into each other and fall.]'' :'''Lion''': Uh no, that's "lion". :'''Tin Man''': Oh, lion. ''[gasps]'' Lion?! :''[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming again.]'' :'''Lion''': Oh, stop! I'm not trying to scare ya. I'm just hungry! :'''Tin Man''': A '''''hungry''''' lion?! :''[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming again.]'' :'''Lion''': No no! I'm not gonna eat you. I'm just having fun with you. On the count of being so bored. ==Tomato Sawyer and Huckleberry Larry's Big River Rescue== :'''Little Jimmy''': ''[looking at a record album of "Mama Belle and Little Jimmy"]'' Mama! :'''Tom (Bob)''': That's your mama? :'''Little Jimmy''': And me! Little Jimmy! :'''Huck (Larry)''': That's you? :''[Tom & Huck look at Jimmy seeing he is big now]'' :'''Little Jimmy''': I grew. <hr width=50%> :''[Huck is exploring the town of Muscatine.]'' :'''Huck''': ''[to himself]'' Wow, what a great town. This place has got it all. Friendly town people, shopping, baby with a signal flare... Huh? :''[Huck looks and sees that there is, in fact, a baby with a signal flare. Observing further, he sees that everyone in the town has a signal flare. To make matters worse, Huck spots a big "WANTED" billboard for Little Jimmy.]'' :'''Huck''': Ahhh! ''[he backs away from the billboard, only to bump into a policeman]'' Excuse me. ''[the policeman turns to Huck, revealing he has a signal flare, too; Huck backs up, and knocks over an n entire cart of signal flares]'' Oh! Really sorry about that! :''[Huck bumps into the old man he met from earlier.]'' :'''Huck''': Excuse me. :'''Old Man''': Hey, is there somethin’ I can help you with, Sonny? :''[He adjusts his hat with a signal flare. Huck sees it, screams, and runs away frightened, catching the baby’s attention. Cut to Tom and Little Jimmy on the dock.]'' :'''Tom''': You play any football in high school? You got the size for it. :'''Little Jimmy''': No. I was in musicals. :'''Tom''': Really? :''[Huck comes rushing toward them.]'' :'''Huck''': Tom! T-Tom! :''[The baby suddenly spots Little Jimmy, and starts crying loudly as he whacks against his carriage.]'' :'''Huck''': TOM! Whoa! :''[Huck collides with Tom and Little Jimmy, and the three tumble down the stairs back onto the raft. The baby stops fussing and looks at his signal flare.]'' :'''Huck''': ''[grabs the paddle]'' We gotta get outta here! ''[pushes the raft away from the dock]'' :'''Tom''': W-What are you doing? Huck?!? What’s going on?! :'''Huck''': '''''BEWARE THE BABIES!''''' :''[A signal flare shoots into the sky with a loud whistle and explodes into a firework. The baby laughs. Huck looks up in horror.]'' :'''Little Jimmy''': Oooh...pretty. :'''Tom''': Eh-hehh... eh, maybe no one noticed… :''[He was wrong. Everyone else in the town starts firing their signal flares into the sky, making it look like a fireworks show.]'' :'''Huck''': ''[paddling faster]'' They all know about Jim! The posters are everywhere! Even the ''babies'' have signal flares! :'''Tom''': The babies? :'''Huck''': Yeah, Tom! The '''''babies!''''' <hr width=50%> :'''Tom''': Who's that guy? :'''Huck''': I think it was [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel Sanders]]. <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Lunt''': Personally, I found the book riveting, full of flawed characters and classic American humor. ==Pistachio – The Little Boy That Woodn't (2009)== :'''Confetti the Fox (Scallion #1)''': For a thousand gold coins, here is question number three: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? :'''Pistachio (Junior)''': Huh? I don't know that! Nobody knows that! :'''Confetti''': Then you shouldn't have risked ''everything''. :''[Charlie Pincher pulls a lever that sends Pistachio down the rollercoaster, and onto the catapult.]'' :'''Pistachio''': But... But you said you wouldn't steer me wrong! :'''Confetti''': No. We said "''Why'' would we steer you wrong?", and the answer is... Five. Gold. Coins. :''[Charlie pushes the lever that makes the catapult fling Pistachio into the ocean.]'' :'''Pistachio''': ''[screams]'' :'''Confetti, Purina the Cat (Scallion #2), and Charlie''': ''[laugh]'' :'''Purina''': High five! :'''Confetti''': No hands, numbskull. <hr width=50%> :'''Carrot''': Oh, hey there, cricket! :'''Khalil''': I am not a cricket! I am a caterpillar! :'''Carrot''': Silly cricket. :'''Pistachio''': Huh? Cricket!? :'''Khalil''': I am not a- Pistachio! You are alive! :'''Pistachio''': I'm looking for Gelato! :'''Khalil''': Me too! That's why I left home by myself in this big, mean caterpillar-eating world! :'''Pistachio''': I don't eat caterpillars. :'''Khalil''': Good. I hear we are quite tasty. :'''Pistachio''': Who's with the ducklings? :'''Khalil''': Oh. A good friend is helping me out. :''[Madame Blueberry is looking after the ducklings.]'' :'''Madame Blueberry''': No, I'm a ''blueberry''. But I get that all the time. :'''Duckling''': Quack? :'''Madame Blueberry''': No, I never played [[W:Monopoly (game)|Monopoly]], but I'll give it a go. <hr width=50%> :'''Pistachio''': Where's all the food? :'''Gelato (Larry)''': Oh, we've got plenty of food! :'''Dorito''': Hey, guys? We're out of food. ''[pauses]'' :'''Espresso''': (Oh, no!) WE'RE GONNA DIED!!! ''[Everyone screams and panics.]'' :'''Khalil''': WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE! ==The Little Drummer Boy (2010)== Random ==Robin Good and His Not So Merry Man (2011/2016)== Random ==The First Annie Onion X Dialog Carrot Ever (2012)== :'''Annie''': ''[sings "Wheels on the Bus" while playing the guitar]'' :'''Junior''': Whoa! That song so crazy! ''[he covers the pillow with Laura]'' :'''Laura''': That earplugs to them! ==See Also== {{Wikipedia}} *[[Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie]] *[[The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie]] [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Cancelled shows‎]] [[Special:Contributions/2600:6C5E:59F0:1070:B8AE:638C:9D0:C377|2600:6C5E:59F0:1070:B8AE:638C:9D0:C377]] 19:48, 7 February 2024 (UTC) bv9qxm91rx3ed4sv6dkzq7jmvku04w1 3949191 3949190 2026-06-05T13:35:59Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949191 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:VeggieTales|VeggieTales]]''''' (1993-2015) is a 3D CGI animated Christian children's educational/musical/comedy/fantasy direct-to-video sitcom that centers around anthropomorphic vegetables who mainly play characters from Bible stories. The show was aimed at older children, and tweens, and from ages 5 to 12. ==Opening Dialogue== Random ==VeggieTales Theme Song== Random ==Where's God When I'm S-Scared?== :'''Assistant''': It can't be done. I don't think you can do it. :'''Scientist''': Well then, stand back and behold as I throw this switch! It's alive! Alive! ''[laughs in an evil manner]'' Stand! :'''Assistant''': Oh my goodness! Look how big it is! :'''Scientist''': Speak! :'''[[w:Frankenstein|Frankencelery]]''': ''[moans]'' :'''Scientist''': Walk to me! No! This way! :'''Assistant''': Oh, look at it going! :'''Scientist''': Frankencelery, where are you going? Come back here! No, don't go near the door! ''[Frankencelery walks out the door and a scream is heard]'' Frankencelery, come back! Stay away from those villagers! <hr width=50%> :'''Mom Asparagus''': Junior! It's time for bed! :'''Junior Asparagus''': Just four more minutes. :'''Mom Asparagus''': That's what you said four minutes ago. Let's skedaddle up those stairs. Your father will be up in a minute to tuck you in. Besides, I think this show might be a little too scary for you. <hr width=50%> :''[Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber crash through Junior's ceiling.]'' :'''Junior''': Aah! Who are you? :'''Bob''': I'm Bob. I'm a tomato, and I'm here to help you. :''[Junior's toy chest starts rattling]'' :'''Junior''': There's something in my toy chest! It's a- It's a- ''[Larry pops out with a bonnet on his head]'' ... baby pickle? :'''Bob''': It's a cucumber. <hr width=50%> :'''Bob the Tomato''': Look up at that window. What do you see? :'''Junior Asparagus''': My curtains. :'''Bob''': No! Out the window, up in the sky. :'''Junior''': I see lots of stars. :'''Larry the Cucumber''': God made all those stars out of nothing, he just went, ''[razzes]'', and there they were. <hr width=50%> :'''Scallion #1''': Daniel, because you violated Section 4219 2R9-4000 6 dot 1 dash 7, B, of the code of Babylon, forbidding prayer to anyone but King Darius- you are hereby sentenced to be consumed by the lions. Goodbye! :'''Daniel (Larry)''': Hey, didn't get I get a phone ''[The Scallions tosses him in]'' '''''caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllll!''''' :''[Daniel lands on the ground with a thud. He gets up dizzily. The scallion wisemen call down to him.]'' :'''Scallion #2''': Hey, Daniel! We know you're gonna have fun down there! We're not "lion"! :'''Scallion #3''': Uh, yeah, you better be "lion" down, because those lions are gonna... lie... on you! :'''Scallion #2''': ''[to Scallion #3]'' Mine was funny, yours was... goofy. Lions are gonna lie on him? They're gonna EAT him! They're not gonna LIE on him! :'''Scallion #3''': Well, maybe they'll lie on him first, and then eat him... or maybe one will lie on him while the others eat him... or maybe they'll take turns between lying and eating- :'''Scallion #2''': Yeah, you think the lions are gonna cooperate and say "Hey, I'll eat him, you lie on him"? Come on, we're the ones who are lyin', not the lions. ''[seals the den up]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Daniel (Larry)''': ''[singing in fear]'' Oh no, what am I gonna do? It looks like I'm gonna end up as lion stew! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob the Tomato''': God made you special, and He loves you very much. ''[closing line of most episodes]'' ==God Wants Me to Forgive Them!?!== :''[Tom and Rosie begin slinging nonsensical insults at each other]'' :'''Tom Grape''': Hey! What'd you do that for? :'''Rosie Grape''': I didn't do it! You did, ya big possum head! :'''Tom''': I did not, you taco salad rabbit nose! :'''Rosie''': You did too, casserole-head, pimento-loaf, iguana boy! :'''Tom''': Pa! :'''Pa Grape''': Now, Rose, apologize to your brother. :'''Rosie''': Huh? What for? :'''Pa''': Well, you know he just turned 18 years old. :'''Rosie''': Yeah, so? :'''Pa''': So that would make him a casserole-head, pimento-loaf, iguana ''man''! :'''Rosie''': Oh, yeah, sorry about that, ''[under breath]'' cabbage-nosed Elvis puppy. :'''Tom''': Yeah, and don't you forget it! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob the Tomato''': Boy, I sure am glad they got that straightened out. :'''Larry the Cucumber''': Yep, the grapes were really sorry this time, so once again, Junior forgave them. :''[The scenes cuts back to the story]'' :'''Junior Asparagus''': ''[angrily]'' What?! :'''Larry (voice-over)''': I said, "once again, Junior forgave them." :'''Junior''': Are you serious?!? :''[The scene cuts back to the Countertop]'' :'''Larry''': Well, I think so. Bob am I serious? :'''Bob''': Oh yeah, Larry. Yeah, y-you're serious. Mmm-hmm. :''[The scene cuts back to the story]'' :'''Junior''': I'm supposed to forgive them again? After what they just did to me?! :''[The scene cuts back to the Countertop]'' :'''Larry''': Well, uh... yeah. :''[The scene cuts back to the story]'' :'''Junior''': Sure, I forgave them for calling me "Bean Boy" and saying I had cheese on my head. But now they're making fun of my name and they laughed when the hoe almost smacked my face CLEEEEAAAAN off, and then the truck picked me up and threw me in the sand! And you're telling me, I'm supposed to forgive them AGAIN!?! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Well, does anybody know what 70 × 7 is? :'''Ma Grape''': Nine? :'''Pa''': Let's see, I remember from college, it was, uh... π, r... oy! :'''Tom''': Was it two? Or maybe... Seven? :'''Rosie''': 490! :'''All''': Ooh! :'''Dad Asparagus''': Now, that's one smart grape. <hr width=50%> :''[Bob and Larry begin to tell the tale of [[w:Gilligan's Island|"Larry's Lagoon"]]]'' :'''Bob (voice-over)''': I remember that day, that fateful trip. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Why, yes. It started from that tropic port, aboard [[w:S.S. Minnow|our tiny ship]]. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': Now Larry, he was [[w:Gilligan (Gilligan's Island)|a mighty sailin' man]]. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': And Bob, he was [[w:The Skipper|brave and sure]]. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': And weren't there five passengers booked that day, on our three-hour tour? :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Ah, yes... our three-hour tour. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': There was [[w:The Professor (Gilligan's Island)|the Professor]]. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': And we were there. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': Of course. And [[w:Thurston Howell III|the millionaire]]. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': And [[w:Lovey Howell|his wife]]. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': Yep. And wasn't there [[w:Ginger Grant|a movie star]] and [[w:Mary Ann Summers|that other girl]]? :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Yeah, but they cancelled. <hr width=50%> :''[First-mate Larry is now at the wheel of the boat]'' :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Oh, boy. This is the life. There's nothing I'd rather be than First-mate Larry. Well, nothing, that is, except... ''[with a fake Russian accent]'' Captain Larry Romanoff, the famous Russian icebreaker pilot. Today, Captain Larry must free whales. Two great whales trapped in ice. But, there is problem! A large iceberg stands between Captain Larry and whales. There may not be enough time to go around it! But surely, even Captain Larry is not brave enough to smash through the iceberg! NO ONE HAS EVER DONE SUCH A THING! ''[Captain Larry sets the boat to maximum speed and steers toward the huge iceberg]'' Yes, this is no time for cowards! Captain Larry will smash the iceberg, and free the whales! ''[Commander Boblov arrives]'' Ah, Commander Boblov has come to congratulate Captain Larry for his bravery. :''[First-mate Larry's daydream ends, and Commander Boblov changes back to Skipper Bob]'' :'''Bob''': Hey, Larry. We're making snow cones back there. Do you want peach or strawberry? :'''Larry''': Um, not now, Bob. First, I have to smash through this iceberg and free some whales. :'''Bob''': ''[incredulously]'' There are no icebergs around here. :'''Larry''': Well then, what do you call that? ''[The boat is racing directly towards a large rock. Skipper Bob and First-mate Larry both scream in horror simultaneously as the boat crashes on the rock, flinging Skipper Bob, First-mate Larry and the passengers onto the beach of a tropical island]'' :'''Lovey Asparagus''': Oh, the brochure didn't say anything about layovers. :'''Archibald Asparagus''': Well, you see, Lovey, I believe we had some sort of an accident. :'''Bob''': Yes, we most certainly had an accident, ''[angrily turns to Larry]'' and I think someone has some explaining to do. :'''Larry''': Well, you see, there were these whales, and they were stuck on the ice, and the only way to get 'em out was to smash that iceberg over there, except it turned out to be a rock, and rocks are a lot harder than icebergs. :'''Dad Asparagus''': It just so happens that the nearest iceberg is 2,640 miles away. What were you thinking? :'''Bob''': You smashed our boat! Now what're we gonna do?! :'''Lovey''': You've ruined our vacation. What do you have to say for yourself?! :'''Larry''': Um... I'm sorry? ''[brightly]'' At least the boat's still floating. ''[The boat sinks immediately and Larry frowns guiltily]'' Oh. :'''Archibald''': ''[annoyed]'' Alright, I'll need to call my broker. I'm going to look for a phone. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': That evening, we all worked together to build some huts to sleep in, but we were still pretty mad at Larry. <hr width=50%> :''[Inside one of the huts, Bob and Larry are laying in their beds]'' :'''Larry''': Gee, it's kinda nice out here. Maybe this isn't so bad after all, Huh Bob? :'''Bob''': ''[still annoyed]'' Not so bad? What do you mean "Not so bad"?! Our boat is at the bottom of the ocean and we're stuck on this island, in the middle of nowhere, with no way to get home! :'''Larry''': I said I was "sorry". At least you could forgive me. :'''Bob''': Well it's just that we're - well, can't you see we're I just I just... Can't! ''[turns away]'' Oh! :'''Larry''': I said I was "sorry". :'''Bob''': Well, that's just not good enough. Good night. ''[turns to sleep]'' :'''Larry''': Not good enough? Not good enough?! He means-He means I'm not good enough. They all think I'm not good enough. I bet they be happier if I just left. So that's what I'll do. ''[climbs out of bed]'' I'm just gonna-gonna take my things and just go away, Yeah. ''[looks for those, but didn't see them]'' I don't have any things, so I'll just go. With just my hat. ''[hops out]'' Goodbye Bob, I hope you find a first mate that's good enough. ''[he sadly hops away]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Archibald''': I wonder where the skipper is. :'''Lovey''': Who? :'''Archibald''': You know, dear, the bright, red, round fellow. :'''Lovey''': Oh, yes. Where is he, anyway? :'''Archibald''': I don't know. That's what I was wondering. :'''Lovey''': Oh, I see. :'''Bob''': Has anyone seen Larry? :'''Archibald''': Did you say something? :'''Lovey''': No, it was that tree over there. :'''Archibald''': Really? Well, what did it say? :'''Lovey''': I believe it's looking for Larry. ...Who's Larry? :'''Archibald''': Oh, you remember. He's the chap who smashed the boat. :'''Lovey''': Oh, and ruined our vacation? :'''Archibald''': That's the one. :'''Lovey''': Oh... Well, I hope that tree gets him. Serves him right. :'''Archibald''': Here, here. ''[Bob is high up in the tree.]'' :'''Bob''': Hello! People! Have you seen Larry? :'''Archibald''': Oh look, Lovey! It's the skipper! :'''Lovey''': I didn't know tomatoes grew on trees. :'''Archibald''': Well, actually... Oh, never mind. ==Are You My Neighbor?== :''[Bob and Larry beam into Junior's bedroom via spaceship]'' :'''Junior Asparagus''': Aah! Who are you? :'''Bob the Tomato''': I'm Bob. I'm a tomato, and I need your help! :'''Junior''': Whoa... [[w:Déjà vu|Déjà vu]]. ''[notices the chocolate bar stuck on Larry's helmet]'' Um... what's he got on his space helmet? :'''Bob''': Huh? What do you mean? ''[notices it as well]'' Larry! :'''Larry the Cucumber''': What? :'''Bob''': How times have I told you not to eat when you're wearing your helmet? :'''Larry''': Oh. Sorry. ''[tries shaking and biting it off, then nudges it off]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Jimmy Gourd''': You know, sometimes differences can be good... if we just take the time to get to know each other. :'''Junior''': Yeah, maybe. So, why do you eat so much? :'''Jimmy''': Uh, we're hungry, I guess. :'''Jerry Gourd''': It's our metabolism or something. :'''Jimmy''': You know, sometimes I think I could eat a whole bus! :'''Jerry''': Yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole spaceship! :'''Jimmy''': Oh, yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole PLANET! :''[The word "planet" echoes in Junior's brain]'' :'''Junior''': Scooter, how many escape pods d'you say there were? :'''Scooter Carrot''': Two! :'''Junior''': Jimmy! Did you mean what you said about eating a whole planet? :'''Jimmy''': Well, sure, but... :'''Junior''': How would you guys like to help save the ship? :'''Jimmy''': Well, gosh, that'd be swell! :'''Junior''': '''''GRAB THE GOUUUUUUUUUUUUURDS!!!!!!!!''''' ''[?]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Jimmy and Jerry''': '''''LET'S EAT IT!!!!!!!!!!''''' :''[Jimmy and Jerry are eating the popcorn meteor.]'' :'''Scooter''': Do you think it's possible? :'''Junior''': If anyone can do it, they can. :''[Bob, Larry, Junior, and Scooter keep watching as the gourds eat the meteor.]'' :'''Bob''': Only ten seconds left! I sure hope those gourds were hungry! Five... Four... Three... Two... One... '''''INCOMING!!!!!!!!!''''' :''[Everyone ducks for cover. A high-pitched whistling sound leads up to Jimmy and Jerry splatting against the windshield without a meteor in sight.]''' :'''Jimmy''': No more for me, thanks. I'm full. ''[burps]'' 'Scuse me. ==Rack, Shack & Benny== :'''Grandpa George''': Heh! The Nezzer Chocolate Bunny! Every day, they make 14,638 of these li'l fellers, give or take a few. Oh yeah, Mr. Nezzer! Nebby K. Nezzer. But you better call him Mr. Nezzer. Now, Mr. Nezzer's not a bad man, he just gets confused sometimes. Why, his chocolate bunnies are sellin' so well, I think he's gotten a little big for his britches. And that's saying something, so his britches'll break out to start out with. What's all that have to do with Rack, Shack & Benny? Well, their troubles started when Mr. Nezzer made a little announcement. :''[A bell that sounds like a school bell is heard ringing, and a TV monitor lowers from the ceiling. Mr. Nezzer appears on the screen.]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Attention, little people! I have an announcement! This morning, the Nezzer Chocolate Factory has shipped its two-millionth chocolate bunny! To celebrate this momentous occasion, for the next 30 minutes, everyone may eat as many bunnies they want! ''Bon appétit!'' :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[operating the TV camera]'' Hey, boss, that's awfully nice of you to give away all those bunnies. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Oh, if I could just see the looks on their faces right now. ''[takes a rest]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Rack, Shack & Benny are the only ones in the factory not lying ill from eating too much chocolate]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Everybody else is lying down, but you three are standing up. :'''Mr. Lunt''': Actually, boss, I think the tomato is sitting. :'''Rack (Bob the Tomato)''': I'm standing. :'''Mr. Lunt''': Sitting! :'''Rack''': Look, ''[squats]'' this is sitting... ''[stretches up]'' and this is standing. I'm standing. :'''Mr. Lunt''': Okay, he's standing. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': What're your names, boys? :'''Rack''': I'm Shadrach. :'''Shack (Junior Asparagus]''' I'm Meshach. :'''Benny (Larry the Cucumber)''': I'm Abumblebee... Abennyboo... I'm Benny. <hr width=50%> :''[Having finished demonstrating "The Bunny Song", Mr. Nezzer looks to the boys for feedback]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Well? What do you think? :'''Rack''': Um... what would happen, let's say, if someone didn't quite agree with everything in that song, so they, um... didn't sing it? What would happen? :'''Mr. Nezzer''': What's that over there? :'''Shack''': That's the furnace. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': What's it for? :'''Benny''': Well, that's where the bad bunnies go. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': And let's just say, in my mind, if you don't bow down and sing the song, you're a BAD bunny. :'''Rack''': ''[unnerved]'' You don't mean...? :'''Mr. Nezzer''': But I'm sure that won't happen. It's almost time for the ceremony. I'll see you out there. <hr width=50%> :''[Everyone, except Rack, Shack and Benny, bows down as the intro music to "The Bunny Song" plays]'' :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[notices that Rack, Shack and Benny aren't bowing]'' Hey, boss? Those three guys, they don't look like they're bowing. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[confused]'' Hmm... aren't those our new Junior Executives? :'''Mr. Lunt''': I think so. Maybe they're stuck. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Let's find out. ''[moves the podium over to Rack, Shack and Benny]'' I said, it's time to sing "The Bunny Song." ''[The factory's delivery girl, Laura Carrot, notices the situation]'' :'''Laura''': Come on, guys, sing the song! Everybody's doing it. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[with increasing frustration]'' Sing the song! :'''Mr. Lunt''': They ain't singing, boss. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[finally on the brink of losing his temper]'' '''''SING'''''! :''[Shack begins singing "Think Of Me"]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Is that "The Bunny Song?" :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[skeptical]'' No, I don't think so. :'''Laura''': ''[worried]'' Are you crazy? That's the wrong song! :''[Shack keeps singing. Rack and Benny join in on the last verse]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[touched]'' Oh, that was wonderful. I'm gonna be singing that song myself... ''[suddenly angrily-ish]'' as I throw you into the furnace?! GUARDS! ''[Rack, Shack and Benny are shocked]'' Seize them! Take them to the furnace. ''[A band of carrot guards approach Rack, Shack and Benny]'' :'''Laura''': I've gotta help them. But how? ''[Laura sees her flying delivery truck and approaches it as the scene fades out]'' :'''Grandpa George''': ''[off-camera]'' ''Rack, Shack and Benny'' will be right back, after this short break. <hr width=50%> :''[Rack, Shack and Benny are nearly dumped in the furnace, but Laura saves them, and puts them in her flying delivery truck]'' :'''Laura''': Sorry, sir! Can't let you cook my buddies! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': GUARDS! Get them! :''[Two carrot guards jump into their own flying vehicles]'' :'''Laura''': Hang on, guys! ==Dave And the Giant Pickle== :''[A sheep falls over by Jimmy]'' :'''Jimmy Gourd''': Oh, Dave! One of my sheep fell over! Will you come pick it up for me? :'''Dave (Junior Asparagus)''': ''[struggling to pick up another sheep]'' I'm kinda busy right now. :'''Jimmy''': ''[miffed]'' Do you remember the time we dipped you in tar and stuck you to the backside of an angry water buffalo? :'''Dave''': I'll be right there! :''[Another sheep falls over by Tom]'' :'''Tom Grape''': Hey, Dave! One of my sheep fell, too! :'''Dave''': Just a minute! :''[Jerry knocks over a row of sheep]'' :'''Jerry Gourd''': ''[smugly]'' Oh, look! All of my sheep fell over. Dave! :'''Jimmy''': Oh, Dave! After you pick up our sheep, could you run and get me a bite to eat? I'm famished! :'''Jerry''': Oh, yeah! Me, too! Get me something, too! :'''Jimmy''': You know, sometimes I think I could eat a whole camel! :'''Jerry''': Oh, yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole spaceship! :'''Jimmy''': ''[confused]'' Uh, what's a spaceship? :'''Jerry''': I have no idea. <hr width=50%> :''[The Philistines, portrayed by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from across the battlefield]'' :'''Jean-Claude''': Hello, Israelites! You are pigs, and soon we will put apples in your mouths and stick you in our toaster ovens! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! :'''Christophe''': Ah, yes, after we defeat you, you will be our slaves and you will have to fetch us our slippers. :'''Jean-Claude''': Yes, and iron our trousers! :'''Christophe''': Ho-ho, and wipe our little noses. :'''Jean-Claude''': Ha-ha, and scratch that spot on our backs that we cannot reach no matter how hard we try. Ha! ''[no response from the Israelites]'' Don't you have anything to say? :'''Jimmy''': Um... Do you guys have any fried chicken? I've got a real hankering for fried chicken. :'''Jerry''': Yeah, me, too! :'''Jean-Claude''': ''[to Christophe]'' This is going to be easier than we thought. <hr width=50%> :'''Goliath''': Who will fight me?! :'''Dave''': I will fight you, Goliath! :'''Jimmy''': ''[to Tom and Jerry]'' You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that sounded like Dave! :'''Tom''': ''[laughs]'' Well, yeah! ''[spots Dave running out onto the battlefield]'' You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that ''looks'' like Dave! :'''Dave's Brothers''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! ''[Dave smiles at his brothers]'' ''DAVE?!'' ''[Jimmy faints]'' :'''Bob the Tomato''': ''[narrating]'' Goliath was equally surprised. :'''Goliath''': Who said that? :'''Dave''': ''[clears throat]'' I did! :'''Goliath''': Huh? ''[sees Dave]'' Oh ho ho! Am I a dog that you come at me with sticks? :''[Philistines laugh]'' :'''Dave''': I don't exactly know what you mean, but you are not a dog! You're just a really big guy who wants to beat me up! And I come at you not with sticks, but in the name of the God of Israel, who this day will help me defeat you! :'''Goliath''': We will see who defeats who! Now we fight! :'''Jean-Claude''': It's showtime! ==The Toy That Saved Christmas (1996/1997)== :''[The Veggie kids watch intently as a TV commercial plays]'' :'''Wally P. Nezzer''': ''[dressed as [[w:Santa Claus|Santa Claus]]]'' Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Hey kids, do you have the "don't know what I want for Christmas" blues? If I know my toys, and you know I do, than I know just what you're looking for. You want a toy that's fun. You want a toy that's cute. Most importantly, you want a toy with a fully-functioning buzzsaw in his right hand. That's right, you want Buzz-Saw Louie! ''[camera shows the toy and demonstrates the buzzsaw]'' Cool, huh? But wait, there's more! Buzz-Saw Louie also knows the true meanin' of Christmas. All you have to do is push his nose and... ''[presses the Louie's nose]'' :'''Buzzsaw Louie''': Christmas is when you get stuff! You need more toys! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Getting your own doll is easy. Just have your parents place an order, and one of our trained penguins will deliver it right to your door. :'''Announcer''': Delivery not available to Pugslyville due to the collapse of the Pugslyville Bridge. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': So take it from me, Mr. Nezzer... I mean, Santa Claus and his little elf helper. :'''Mr Lunt''': ''[wearing pointed ears and hat]'' Look at me, I'm an elf! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': You just won't be happy until you have Buzz-Saw Louie, the only toy with a working buzzsaw ''and'' the true meaning of Christmas. :'''Buzzsaw Louie''': Billy has more toys than you. ''[The commercial ends, and the Veggie kids run home to beg their parents for more toys]'' :'''Junior''': ''[cries]'' Mom! Mom! We need more toys! :'''Percy''': Billy has more toys than me! :'''Dad Pea''': Who's Billy? :'''Percy''': I dunno, but he has more toys than me! :'''Laura''': ''[whines loudly]'' I want a Buzz-Saw Louie! :'''Lenny''': I want 10 Buzz-Saw Louies! :'''Laura and Lenny''': Cuz that's the true meaning of Christmas! Nah! ''[crying]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Random <hr width=50%> :'''Annie''': ''[off-screen]'' That's not an Christmases about? <hr width=50%> :''[Bob is lying upside down in a snow pile after crashing in Junior's sled]'' :'''Larry''': Bob, Bob! Are you okay?!? :'''Bob''': [[w:Mouse Trap (game)|Mouse Trap]]! :'''Larry''': Huh? :'''Bob''': I wanted to play Mouse Trap! You roll your dice, you move your mice. Nobody gets hurt. <hr width=50%> :''[Mr. Nezzer is about to send Bob, Larry, Junior, and Louie over the broken Puggslyville bridge]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': One more thing. If those parents really care about the true meaning of Christmas, where are they now? :'''Dad Asparagus''': We're right here! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Huh? ''[turns to see the Veggie parents and their kids glaring back]'' :'''Dad Asparagus''': We care much about the true meaning of Christmas, Mr. Nezzer! :'''Dad Carrot''': That's what we came here... to give you what you deserve! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Wha-wha-oh! You didn't really think I was going to... heh... oh, that was just... just a joke! I wouldn't... What are you going to do? :''[Laura confronts to Mr. Nezzer, now with a happy face, handing him a present.]'' :'''Laura''': Mr. Nezzer... Merry Christmas! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Huh? Is that for me? Oh, it's a little bear! Oh, I always wanted a Christmas present, but we were too poor! You don't know how happy this makes me! Look! Isn't it cute! ==Very Silly Songs (1997/2007)== :'''Larry''': Hi kids. I'm Larry the Cucumber. Welcome to the very first VeggieTales home-improvement video. I hope you're ready to monkey wrench. I know I am. ''[hops over to the sink]'' What we're going to do today is change this old leaky fixture on the sink. We're going to replace it with a new one, which will be quite attractive and last for years to come. Oh, and by the way, it's very important with any plumbing job to shut off the water supply. So I had my assistant Jimmy turn off the water to the kitchen. ''[twists the wrench]'' :'''Jimmy''': Oh... you meant the ''kitchen'' sink. ''[faucet explodes and sends Larry flying in a blast of water]'' I thought we were working on bathrooms and decks. :'''Larry''': BOB!!!!!! <hr width=50%> :'''Larry''': Hi kids. I'm Larry the Cucumber. Welcome to the very first VeggieTales success video. Are you ready to make millions of dollars in real-estate with no money down? I know I am. :'''Bob''': LARRY! :'''Larry''': Yeah, Bob? :'''Bob''': Don't you see? This is a ''sing-along'' video! :'''Larry''': Ohhhhh, a sing-along video. I like sing-along videos. That's when you put the words at the bottom of the screen so people can sing along at home, right? :'''Bob''': Yup. :'''Larry''': Oh, the kids are gonna love that. What song should we do first? :'''Bob''': ''[rolls his eyes since the show's almost over]'' Never mind. ''[leaves]'' :'''Larry''': What? ''[follows Bob]'' Hey Bob! Guess what? I bought a whole chocolate factory with no money down. :'''Bob''': You did what? ==LarryBoy! And the Fib From Outer Space (1997/2004/2012/2016)== :'''Dad''': ''[after Junior sings "It's Laura's Fault"]'' Oh... My. Well if that's what you say happened, well, I trust you, Junior. But I'm very surprised at Laura. I'm gonna have to call her father right away. <hr width=50%> :''[Larry and Alfred are playing [[w:Candy Land|Candy Land]], stomach growling]'' :'''Larry''': I'm still stuck in the Molasses Swamp. I've been here for 38 turns. Your turn, Alfred. :'''Alfred (Archibald)''': Right, let's see. ''[draws a card]'' Oh, look! I get to go all the way to Princess Lolly! What luck! HA! Your turn. :'''Larry''': ''[draws a card]'' Still stuck. I sure hope the rest of Bumblyburg is having more fun than I am. :''[Larry looks out the window to see the Larry-Signal flashing urgently. He and Alfred immediately stand up]'' :'''Larry''': Alfred, I've got work to do. Consider our game... postponed. <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': There are no space aliens in a Bumblyburg. ''[Passes by Junior and Fib to Percy, Laura and Lenny confront Junior]'' :'''Laura''': There he is! :'''Junior''': Hi, guys. :'''Fib''': ''[runs into a nearby alleyway]'' Uh, if you need me I'll be over here. :'''Junior''': Huh? ''[he looks to Laura, Lenny and Percy, they argues about Junior's lies in unison]'' :'''Percy''': Lenny says he didn't break the plate. Laura says she didn't break the plate. :'''Laura''': Lies! Lies! :'''Percy''': It's a great, big, ugly lie! :'''Lenny''': Junior! :'''Junior''': No, no, that's not what I said at all. You didn't break the plate, and you didn't break the plate! No. It was these space aliens. They came down, and they grabbed these cows. And they switched brains with the cows. And the cows... with the brains of the space aliens... broke... the plate! ''[Looks at his friends]'' :'''Percy''': Funny. I've just seen that same thing happen in a movie. "Invasion of the Cow Snatchers!" :'''Junior''': You did? :'''Percy''': It's another lie! ''[a sound of thunderous footsteps emerge while Percy talks]'' Nothing but a big... fat... ugly! :'''Junior''': Huh? ''[looks up in fear]'' F-F-F-F-F-Fib?! :'''Fib''': Hi, Junior! ''[he grabs him]'' :'''Junior''': ''[being grabs]'' What are you doing? :'''Fib''': Don't worry, Junior. A little fib couldn't hurt anybody. Right?! ''[Fib cackles]'' <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': Alfred! I'm going to run out of road! Which button is it?! :'''Alfred''': The blue button! Press the blue button! ''[LarryBoy presses the blue button and wipers pop out]'' :'''LarryBoy''': Wipers! :'''Alfred''': ''[stressed out]'' The green button! It's the green 1! ''[LarryBoy hits it and the horn sound off]'' :''[Cut to Percy and Laura]'' :'''Laura''': He's honking. :'''Percy''': It's part of the plan. ''[The LarryMobile is about to hit the water tower]'' :'''LarryBoy''': ''(All I need is one thing; myself!)'' I am going to dies! :'''Alfred''': Stop yelling at me! No yelling! Yell, yell... ''[gets an idea]'' '''''YELLOW!?''''' <hr width=50%> :''[The Fib has captured Junior Asparagus and is prepares to ates LarryBoy]'' :'''The Fib''': Hmmmm... sort of looks like candy. :'''LarryBoy''': No really! It's spandex! It's quite bitter! ALFREEEEED!! :'''Alfred''': I'm gettin' a readin'! :'''LarryBoy''': Alfred!? :'''Alfred''': It looks like...! It looks like...! ''[accidentally unplugs the LarryComputer in panic]'' '''''AAAAAAAHH!!''''' :'''LarryBoy''': ALFRED, '''''NOOOOO!!''''' :'''Alfred''': '''''AAAAAAAHH!!''''' :'''Scooter''': Oh, no! Fib tries to ates LarryBoy! I must saved the LarryBoy! :'''LarryBoy''': ALFRED, WHAT'S HAPPENIN'?! JUNIOR, HELP ME!! :'''Alfred''': '''''AAAAAAAHH!!''''' ''[plugs in the computer and watches it warms ups and yells]'' :'''Scooter''': ''[to Alfred (Archibald Asparagus)]'' Alfred, this is no time for panic! :'''Alfred''': Boot, you transistorized tormentor! '''''BOOOOOT!!!!!!!!''''' :'''Mike''': ''[shocked in panic]'' Junior, get down! :'''LarryBoy''': Good bye, Bumblyburg! ''[gets eaten]'' :'''Alfred''': ''[sees the results]'' It's Junior! It's Junior! Junior can stop the Lie! :'''Junior''': I did it! :'''Fib''': Hm? :'''Junior''': I broke the plate! ''[?]'' <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': '''''I! Am! That! Hero!''''' ==Josh and the Big Wall! (1997/2002/2005/2017)== :''[The defenders of Jericho, played by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from atop the city's great wall]'' :'''Josh (Larry the Cucumber)''': Who are you? :'''Jean-Claude''': Who are we? I think we should ask. Who are ''you''? :'''Josh''': Oh, um... I am Joshua. And these are the children of Israel. :'''Philippe''': Ooh! Hello, children! :'''Jimmy Gourd''': Hi! :'''Philippe''': It was nice to meet you. Now go away! :'''Jean-Claude''': Yes! ''[blows raspberry]'' :'''Josh''': ''[clears throat]'' No, you don't understand. God has given us this land for our new home. So, well... ''you're'' gonna have to leave. :'''Philippe''': ''[laughs]'' Did you hear that, Jean-Claude? The little pickle says ''we'' have to leave! :'''Josh''': I'm a cucumber. :'''Jean-Claude''': ''[laughs]'' That is hilarious! ''[clears throat]'' Let me point something out to you, ''pickle''. We have a wall! :'''Philippe''': Uh-huh. :'''Jean-Claude''': You do not! :'''Philippe''': No! :'''Jean-Claude''': If anyone is to be doing the leaving, it will be ''you''! :'''Philippe''': Oh, that is right! :'''Josh''': Now, listen to me! Our God said that this land was ours, and that all we had to do was follow His directions. So... I'm afraid... if you don't come out, we're gonna have to come in there after you! ''[Jean-Claude and Philippe laugh.]'' :'''Jean-Claude''': I'd like to see you try! You could never get over our giant wall, ''[under breath]'' tiny pickle! :'''Philippe''': Yes, tiny pickle! You are not a mighty dill, you are just a baby gherkin! :'''Josh''': ''[feeling insulted]'' I'm a cucumber! ''[Jean-Claude and Philippe laughed]'' :'''Philippe''': ''[bumps his slushie off the edge]'' Ooh! My slushie! ''[The slushie hits Jimmy on the head. Josh is appalled]'' :'''Jimmy''': Ow!''[frustrated]'' Maybe we should fall back and regroup. <hr width=50%> :''[Discouraged by the giant walls of Jericho, the Israelites discuss plans over a campfire]'' :'''Tom Grape''': That's a big wall! :'''Pa Grape''': This time, I really mean it! We should go back to Egypt. ''[everybody looks at him in disbelief]'' Don't you remember? Snorkeling in the Nile? Three square meals a day? Plenty of exercise? Oh, it was paradise! :'''Tom''': We were in slavery. :'''Pa''': Nothing is perfect. :'''Jimmy''': Listen, kids! That land is rightfully ours! And the only way we're gonna get it is by taking down that wall! Right, Jerry? :'''Jerry Gourd''': Uh, yeah. Th-That's right, Jimmy. :'''Jimmy''': So Jerry and I are gonna put our heads together and come up with a plan... to take down the wall! :'''Jerry''': Yeah! :'''Pa''': They are so aggressive. <hr width=50%> :''[Josh finishes explaining God's directions to the Israelites]'' :'''Jimmy''': So... we're supposed to hop around the city for seven days, blow our little horns, yell, and the walls are just gonna fall down. :'''Josh''': Yep. Those are God's directions. :'''Jimmy''': Well... I'm sure that would work great... if the walls were made out of Jell-O! :'''Jerry''': Ooh! Then we could eat 'em! :'''Pa''': Last call for Egypt! Who's coming with me? :'''Percy Pea''': I will! :'''Scooter Carrot''': Count me in! :'''Jimmy''': Just a minute! I think you'll find our plan a bit more sophisticated. Blowin' horns in the desert isn't gonna do it. What we need is serious firepower. Jerry, the curtain! ''[Jerry uncovers a tarp to reveal a giant rocket; Scooter, Pa, and Tom gasp in amazement]'' Behold our creation: the Wallminator 3000! ''[the Israelites applaud]'' :'''Tom''': How are we clapping? :'''Pa''': I have no idea. <hr width=50%> :'''Tom''': Well, Pa? Do you still want to see the pyramids? :'''Pa''': I've seen the pyramids. Ha! I built the pyramids! Let's go to Jericho! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': The next day, they all set off again to march around Jericho. Now, God never said it would be easy. No, the people of Jericho hit 'em with everything they had. :'''Jean-Claude''': Fire 1! Fire 2! :'''Bob''': But the Israelites remembered that they were following God's directions and they kept on marching. Six days they marched and nothing could stop them. On the seventh day, just like God had told them, they marched around Jericho seven times while the priests blew their horns. ''[" When the Saints Go Marching In" plays]'' And just like God said, when they finished marching, the priests blew one long blast and then all the people yelled. :'''Israelites''': '''''AAAAARRRUUUGGGHHH!!!!!!''''' :'''Pa Grape''': ''[hacking, birds chirping]'' :'''French Peas''': (chuckling) ''[thud and rumbling]'' '''''AAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!''''' ''[crashing down, gasped]'' :'''Larry''': Hello! My name is Joshua, and God has given us this land! :'''French Peas''': '''''AAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!''''' :'''Bob''': So the Israelites obeyed God and the walls fell down. :'''Junior''': Wow! :'''Bob''': Finally, after 40 years, they were in their new home. :'''Jimmy''': [[Shrek Forever After|Ow! Oh! Boy, did I pick a lousy day to wear my contacts!]] :'''Israelites''': ''["The Promise Land Reprise" plays]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Well, we're out of the time for the today. Remember... :'''Junior''': God Made Your Special and Loves You Very Much. :'''Both''': Bye!? ''[as Junior and Bob leaves the countertop right now roll the credits (Arial Bold Font) with [[Arthur (TV series)|"Nothing But the Music" from Arthur It's Only Rock and Roll watched Arthur on PBS Kids]] and more [[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur songs]] in 2002, the door is opens and closing, Larry appears into the pajamas from Oh Santa in The Toy That Saved Christmas]'' <hr width=50%> :''[post-credits in the countertop; last lines]'' :'''Larry''': ''[singing]'' ? ''[yawns]'' Is it time for the show? ''[the lights and Qwerty's monitor screen turns off]'' Aw, nuts. ''[Again, the credits then roll with "The Promise Land" playing all throughout]'' ===Epilogue (Credits in 2017)=== :'''Annie''': I'm Annie Green Onion, the pictures of Joshua and the Battle of Jerchio. This is a Laura Carrot. :'''Laura''': I'm Laura Carrot. :'''Rosie Grape''': I'm Rosie Grape. :'''Annie''': Book of Joshua. Random ==Madame Blueberry (1998/2002/2006/2013)== :'''Bob''': Larry. How much stuff do you need to be happy? :'''Larry''': I don't know. How much stuff is there? <hr width=50%> :'''Narrator''': And now it's time for ''Silly Songs with Larry'', the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song. :'''Archibald''': ''[off-screen]'' Just a moment! Wait! Stop talking!! ''[Archibald runs out on stage as a bear-trapped Larry stands and watches]'' Excuse me, I have an announcement. Ahem... Because of the high standard we on this show strive to adhere to, and as a result of the disastrous outcome of the previous Silly Song, management has decided to review compositions from other performers for this segment. Several artists were screened and we chose one based on the applicant's sense of artistry and all-around proprietary. Thank you. :'''Larry''': So what are you saying? :'''Archibald''': I'm saying; ''Silly Songs'' is cancelled until further notice. :'''Larry''': ''[blinks in disbelief]'' Oh yeah?! Well, how'm I supposed to get out of this bear trap? :'''Archibald''': I'm sure you'll figure something out. ''[Construction peas move a new title card into view]'' :'''Narrator''': And now it's time for ''Love Songs with Mr. Lunt'', the part of the show where Mr. Lunt comes out and sings a love song. :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[sungs "His Cheeseburger"]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Annie''': ''[sings "The Thankfulness Song"]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Well, that about does it for me! What do you say we head home? :'''Madame Blueberry''': Oh! There are whole aisles we haven't even seen yet! No! I am not leavin' until I have everything I need to be happy! <hr width=50%> :'''Madame Blueberry''': ''[seeing her house about to tip]'' My house! :'''Larry''': It's so stuffed full of stuff, it's getting too heavy for the tree! :'''Bob''': We've gotta stop those deliveries before it's too late! Come on, Larry! Grab a cart! ''[Bob and Madame Blueberry drive 2 respective shopping carts, while Larry is left sitting in a shopping basket.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Annie''': ''[pauses out]'' Pie? <hr width=50%> :''[Bob and Larry are cries]'' :'''Junior''': ''[off-screen]'' Huh?! What’s wrong, Bob and Larry?! Now you looks sobs. :'''Bob''': Oh that was beautiful! :'''Larry''': Hold me Bob!! :'''Bob''': I would if I could, man!? :'''Junior''': Shh! Don't cry. :'''Jean Claude''': Pull yourselves together! :'''Phillipe''': Yes, you have a show to wraps ups! :'''Bob''': Oh, you're right... I'm sorry, where were we?! :'''Larry''': ''[sniffles]'' Madame Blueberry..! :'''Bob and Larry''': ''[cries]'' :'''Junior''': Shh! It’s alright. It’s okay. :'''Jean Claude''': Alright! That does it! ''[Pauses out]'' Cue the music! :'''Phillipe''': Unless, of course, you have any objections... :'''Bob''': No... I don't care... go ahead… :'''Junior''': ''[off-screen]'' We're over here by Qwerty to talk about what we learned today. :'''French Peas''': Hit it! :'''Singers''': ? :'''Junior''': ''[off-screen]'' Well, least things could get any worse. :'''Annie''': ''[off-screen]'' You know how think about learned song. :'''Singers''': ? ==[[w:The End of Silliness?|The End of Silliness?]] == :'''Larry''': ''[after The Thankfulness Song by Annie Green Onion]'' ''[sniffles]'' Yeah. Maybe I should just try to be thankful for the time I ''did'' have with my Silly Songs. ''[sobbing]'' Bye, Silly Songs. ''[voice breaking]'' Nice knowin' ya. ''[tearfully sings]'' It isn't any trouble just to S-M-I-L-E... :'''Jimmy''': Okay, wrong song. Bad timing. <hr width=50%> :'''Jimmy''': Look. Pal. M-Maybe it's none of my business but...why are you so down? You want to tell me what's going on? :'''Archibald''': I'll tell you what's going on! Perhaps ''this'' will clear things up... ''[Archibald and Larry glare at each other for a bit before he selects his song: "His Cheeseburger" from "Madame Blueberry"]'' :'''Larry''': '''''NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!''''' <hr width=50%> :''[Archibald has just confessed to his cancelling of Silly Songs]'' :'''Jimmy''': ''[gasps]'' You don't mean...? :'''Archibald''': Yes! It's my fault! All my fault! I'm the one to blame! :'''Jimmy''': That's despicable. I'd feel that way too if somebody took my songs away. :'''Archibald''': It's just that I was only looking out for the public's best interests. We do have standards to uphold, you know. ''[Jimmy glares]'' Yes, I see. But then I got these! ''[pulls out a stack of signed petitions and reads]'' "We the undersigned believe that Archibald Asparagus should forgive and forget the Song of the Cebu incident and return ''Silly Songs with Larry'' to its original Veggie programming. Signed, 167,512 adoring fans, including, but not limited to, the entire population of Duluth, Minnesota, and even someone in Moose Lake." :'''Larry''': Moose Lake? :'''Archibald''': Yes, Moose Lake. :'''Larry''': Wow... Moose Lake. ==LarryBoy and the Rumor Weed (1999/2002/2006)== :'''LarryBoy''': ''[emerges from shadow]'' I believe you have something that belongs to those boys. :'''Milk Money Bandit (Scallion 3)''': Well I... ''[starts backing up, but comes face-to-face]'' Who are you? :'''LarryBoy''': ''[sternly]'' I'm LarryBoy. :'' (he uses his super suction ear on the Milk Money Bandit and hangs him over the edge)'' :'''Milk Money Bandit''': Ah! Uh, what are you going to do? :'''LarryBoy''': It's not nice to take people's milk money! :''[he turns the Milk Money Bandit upside down]'' :'''Milk Money Bandit''': Hey! Take it easy, fella! Don't get crazy! ''[he starts shaking him]'' HEY! WHOA! Ooh! Aah! Ooh! ''[milk money dropped out of the bandit's pocket and landed back to the peas, and he turns him back up]'' I ain't feeling so good. ''[he starts hopping]'' Hey, hey. Hey! Where are we going? You can't do this! I've got rights! Hey! Hey! :''[Officer Scooter standing in front of the police car, the Milk Money Bandit falls in]'' :'''Scooter''': AAAAAHH! It's another space alien! ''[Milk Money Bandit chuckles nervously]'' Oh, it's the Milk Money Bandit. We've been looking for you for months. Thanks, Larry-Boy. <hr width=50%> :'''The Weed''': ''[sings]'' I'm a rumor weed! I'm a rumor weed! A tiny little story is all I need to make a big mess! I'm a rumor weed! <hr width=50%> :'''Larry''': ''[he sees the Weed on the flowerbed]'' Hey! You're a weed! :'''The Weed''': That's right, but did you hear about Alfred? :'''Larry''': Oh, Alfred's gonna be mad! He hates weeds in his flowerbed! :'''The Weed''': Yeah, but, did you hear about Alfred? :'''Larry''': You better get out of here, before Alfred comes back! :'''The Weed''': You're not listening to me! Did you hear... Ugh. :'''Alfred''': ''[off-screen]'' Master Larry! It's the Mayor! She says it's urgent! :'''Larry''': I'll be right there! ''[to The Weed]'' I gotta go. Hold that thought. <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': Okay. I can do this. I am... after all... a superhero! ''[then he notices the Weed sitting]'' Oh, look! It's just a little one! ''[he hops over to the Weed]'' What was I so nervous about? You've met your match, Weed! I'm gonna take you, and I'm gonna... :''[The Mother Weed reveals herself behind him. LarryBoy looks up and gets scared.]'' :'''LarryBoy''': '''''Mother!''''' <hr width=50%> :'''Alfred''': ''[stops beside Scooter's police car]'' Oh, yes! Officer, I need your help! LarryBoy is battling a giant weed in the sewer system... :'''Scooter''': Aah! The robot! ''[he starts engine and drives away]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Alfred''': I'm not a robot, I'm... British! <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': I'm warning you! I'm a super...! ''[gets thrown against the wall]'' ...hero. :'''Mother Weed''': Face it! You can't stop this weed; thanks to your friends out there, I'm getting bigger by the minute! HahahahahaMWAHAHAHA! :'''The Weed''': Soooo, did you hear the one about Alfred? :'''LarryBoy''': What? <hr width=50%> :'''Alfred''': I'm not shaking anything! It's shaking me! ''[the ground shakes harder and harder until, all of a sudden, the Mother Weed bursts out of the sewer]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!''''' ''(Alfred tries to run but the mother weed grabs him. Then she wraps herself around the City Hall as everyone watches her holding Alfred)'' <hr width=50%> :'''Crowd''': What a nice man! ''(The Mother Weed looks at Alfred, and when nice words are spread, Alfred smiles and they both look down at everyone. Suddenly the ground starts to shake from under the mother weed as everyone backs away from the weed. Due to all the kind things said by all the city folk, more flowers sprout all over the weed until her head becomes a flower, defeating her for good.)'' :'''Alfred''': '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!''''' ''(Alfred is shown sliding down the stem and lands safely)'' :'''Mayor Blueberry''': We're sorry for thinking that you were a robot. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': We didn't even ask you if it was true! :'''Alfred''': Oh, I forgive you... I forgive you all! ''[looks around]'' Has anybody seen LarryBoy? :''[A beat-up LarryBoy drags himself out of the sewers by his plunger-ears]'' :'''LarryBoy''': Hey, Alfred... everyone... someone was telling me that you were a robot- ''[Everybody shushes him loudly]'' Is there a flower show? ''(Everyone laughs, thinking he was joking, as the camera cuts to a frontal aerial view of the building where the Rumor Weed wrapped herself, as the camera pans around it and a flower flies around. The flower comes closer and closer to the screen as the score concludes)'' ==King George and the Ducky== :'''Jerry''': You want a piece of me?! <hr width=50%> :'''King George (Larry)''': We did it! Oh now, now, now I'm happy! <hr width=50%> :'''King George''': What's that? :'''Melvin (Pa Grape)''': Its a flannelgraph, to illustrate. :'''George and Louis (Bob)''': Ooh! Flannelgraph! ==Esther...The Girl Who Became Queen== :''[Haman (Mr. Lunt) wakes up Queen Vashti in the middle of the night.]'' :'''Queen Vashti''': Oh... Who is it? :'''Haman''': Um... Uh, Your Highness, ah... The king was wondering if you could make him a sandwich. :'''Queen Vashti''': It's three o'clock in the morning. :'''Haman''': Ah... Yeah. But, uh, he says that he's the king, and whatever he says goes. :'''Queen Vashti''': Well, I'm the queen, and the king can make his own sandwich. :'''Haman''': Okay. :''[Haman throws Queen Vashti out of the castle.]'' :'''Queen Vashti''': ''[angrily]'' You can't do this to me! I'm the queen! :'''Haman''': Oh, yeah? ''[throws her luggage at her]'' The king can do whatever he wants! He's the king! And don't come back! :'''King Xerxes (Mr. Nezzer)''': Don't you think that might have been a little harsh? :'''Haman''': Oh, no way. If she got away with that, no one would listen to you. :'''King Xerxes''': Well, what am I gonna do now? :'''Haman''': It looks like we're going to have to find you a new queen. :'''King Xerxes''': Hmm... Make me a sandwich. <hr width=50%> :'''Haman''': You know, we both work for the king, but compared to me, you are a g-nat. :'''Mordecai (Pa Grape)''': It's a "G". Silent. It's "nat". :'''Haman''': Are you calling me a g-nat?! :'''Mordecai''': No. Just correctin' your pronunciation. :'''Haman''': ARE YOU CALLING ME ''STUPID?!'' :'''Mordecai''': Uh, no? :'''Haman''': You get in the wagon! You, bow to me! :'''Mordecai (Pa Grape)''': Uh, no! :'''Haman''': Bow! :'''Mordecai''': No! :'''Haman''': BOW! :'''Mordecai''': NO! I bow to no one except my God and my king! <hr width=50%> :'''Haman''': What should the punishment be for these two dangerous criminals, the most wanted peas in Persia, who appeared before you uninvited and tried to drop a piano on your head? :'''King Xerxes''': Well... Uh, let's see. It probably should be pretty stiff, huh? What do ''you'' think? :'''Haman''': I say, the punishment should be... ''Banishment to the Island of Perpetual Tickling!'' :''[Markus (Larry), Mordecai, Esther, and Xerxes are all shocked.]'' :'''Teresh''': You don't mean... :'''Bigthen''': ...the island where you are tickled day and night?! :'''Teresh''': Night and day?! :'''Bigthen''': Without stop?! :'''Teresh''': Not even if you say '''''"pretty please"?!?''''' :'''Bigthen and Teresh''': '''''AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!''''' :''[The Grim Tickler played by Annie Onion enters the room, and tickles the Peaoni Brothers with his large feather as he takes them away to the Island of Perpetual Tickling.]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Mordecai is walking when he spots the edict ordering him to be banished]'' :'''Mordecai''': Huh? What's this? ''[reads the edict]'' OY! ''[grabs the edict and runs back to the palace]'' '''''ESSIE!''''' ESSIE! ESSIE! :'''Esther''': Cousin Mordecai? What is it? :'''Mordecai''': Oh, he's done it! He's finally done it! :'''Esther''': Who? Done what? :'''Mordecai''': Look! ''[shows Esther the edict]'' :'''Esther''': What's this? :'''Mordecai''': It's an edict! In just a few days, all of us, our whole family, will be sent to the Island of Perpetual Tickling! :'''Esther''': What?! Who... Who did this? :'''Mordecai''': Oh, who do you think? Haman! I told you he hates us! Hates our whole family! And-and now he's done it! He got the King to sign this, and-and we'll all be banished! <hr width=50%> :'''King Xerxes (Mr. Nezzer)''': ''[Haman (Mr. Lunt) squeals, gasps, furiously]'' You had me banished the man who saved my life ''and my own queen?! [Haman (Mr. Lunt) squeals again]'' For your punishment Haman, you are to be sent to The Island of Perpetual Tickling, along with anyone else who dares scheme against my queen & her family! :''(The Grim Tickler slams the door open to Esther's home, going towards Haman.)'' :'''Haman''': [[A Streetcar Named Desire (1951 film)|'''''NOOOOOOO!!!!''''']] (The Grim Tickler tickles Haman with his feather and Haman laughs as he is tickled out the door, just like with the Peaoni Brothers.) (While laughing) Oh no, ple-he-he-ase stop it! Please sto-ha-ha-hap! Ha-ha, you're killin' me, ha! Ha-ha-pretty please? :'''Narrator''': So Haman got what was coming to him, and then some. And Mordecai, this is my favorite part, (Markus gives Mordecai a paper) he got Haman's old job. The number two guy in the whole kingdom! Not bad. ==Lyle the Kindly Viking== :'''Omelet (Jimmy Gourd)''': But soft, 'tis Ophelia. ''[no response; Omelet repeats with emphasis]'' But soft! Tis Ophelia! :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[from off-stage, wearing a pink dress]'' But I don't wanna do it! It's embarrassing! :'''Arcibald Asparagus''': Don't be ridiculous! It's tradition! In Shakespeare's day, all the women's roles were played by men! ''[shoves Lunt out onto the stage]'' :'''Mr. Lunt''': I think we're gonna get letters about this... ''[in character]'' 'Tis I, the fair Ophelia. :'''Omelet (Jimmy Gourd)''': Random <hr width=50%> :'''Omelet''': To eat or not to eat, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to share my eggs cooked light and fluffy, or to scarf down the whole thing myself. To share, or not to share. <hr width=50%> :'''Percy Pea''': You guess where my [[w:Battleship (game)|ships]] are. :'''Omelet (Jimmy Gourd)''': 2B? :'''Percy Pea''': Not 2B. :'''Omelet''': Drat. Uh your turn. <hr width=50%> :'''Sven''': ''[sings]'' You guys go ahead. We'll catch uuuuuuuuup! :'''Otar''': Uh, Sven? You don't have to sing. :'''Sven''': ''[sings]'' But it's a muuuuuusicaaaaaaal! :'''Otar''': Yeah, I know, but you don't have to sing every line in a musical. Talking's okay too. <hr width=50%> :'''Sven''': ''[sings]'' If Olaf finds ooouuuttt, you'll be in biiiig troooouuuuubllllle! :'''Otar''': Uh, you can just talk. <hr width=50%> :'''Olaf (Mr. Nezzer)''': ''[as the storm rolls in]'' Why, that little viking is in '''''big''''' trouble! ''[Random; sings]'' What do you think you're doing? :'''Lyle (Junior)''': I was... :'''Olaf''': ''[sings]'' Giving them stuff back?! :'''Lyle''': Um, yeah? :'''Olaf''': ''[sings]'' Now, there's a storm a-brewing and you're the one that's under attack! <hr width=50%> :'''Pa Monk''': ''[after he sees Lyle pummeled in by big waves]'' Aahh! Lyle's in trouble! We gotta help him. Where's the life ring? :'''Pea Monk''': Right there. :'''Pa Monk''': Hang on, Lyle! ''[throws]'' Help is on the way! ''[notices life ring still there besides him]'' Huh? What did I throw? :''[Pa has thrown the pea monk, who screams as he flies into the ocean.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Sven (Larry)''': ''[sings]'' I need to go to the baaaaaathrooooooom! :'''Otar (Bob)''': Uh Sven, you can stop singing now. :'''Sven''': Oh. Right. ==The Star of Christmas== :''[Cavis (Bob) and Millward (Larry) have accidentally woken up Moyer (Scooter).]'' :'''Moyer''': Hey! You there! What do you think you're doin'?! ''[sees that Millward is holding the star's box; gasps]'' The star! ''[Millward hides the box behind his back]'' Alright! ''NOW'' I'M ANGRY! :'''Millward''': It's Moyer the Destroyer! :'''Cavis''': Run, Millward! :'''Millward''': I'm way ahead of you, Cavis! :'''Moyer''': Get back here, you chicken-hearted hooligans! :'''Cavis''': See ya, Moyer the Destroyer! <hr width=50%> :'''Millward''': Cavis, are you okay? You fell down, and then you fell up! Speak to me! :'''Cavis''': Hey, why didn't I see that before? It leads all the way to that window! Okay, Millward. Start climbing! :'''Millward''': What? Why do I have to go first? :'''Cavis''': Would you rather stay down here with ''Moyer the Destroyer''? :'''Millward''': ''[starts climbing up the ladder]'' I'm on my way. :'''Moyer''': Don't even ''THINK'' you can get away! You're trapped like a bug in the queen's sticky buns! :'''Cavis''': ''[climbing the ladder]'' Millward, keep climbing! :'''Millward''': He's getting close, Cavis! :'''Cavis''': No! Don't lean back, Millward! :'''Millward''': He's gettin' '''real''' close, Cavis! :''[Millward leans back, tipping the ladder back.]'' :'''Moyer''': You're trapped like a dog hanging onto a big, juicy steak that has itself... somehow... become trapped... in some way... :'''Cavis''': MILLWARD! :'''Cavis and Millward''': '''''AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!''''' :''[Cavis and Millward crash out of the window and scream as they fall through the air.]'' :'''Laundry Person (Scallion #3)''': Why does everyone want their laundry picked up at night, all of a sudden? :''[After he leaves his laundry cart behind, Cavis and Millward land into it.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Millward''': Seymour, remember how you promised I could take the rocket car for a ride sometime? :'''Seymour (Pa Grape)''': Uh, yeah? :'''Millward''': It's time! ==The Ballad of Little Joe== :'''Little Joe (Larry)''': Okay. No, I still don't see anything. :'''Jude (Jean Claude)''': Well then, how about... '''''NOW'''''!?! :'''Little Joe''': ''[gets pushed, and falls into the mineshaft]'' WHOA!!!! <hr width=50%> :'''Little Joe (Larry)''': Hey! Desperados! You better come to your senses! ''[muffling]'' :'''Jude (Jean Claude)''': Happy trails, dreamer! ''[all the peas laughing]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Baker and Blacksmith (Jimmy and Jerry Gourd)''': ''[mumbles in sleep]'' :'''Baker (Jimmy Gourd)''': ''[mumbles]'' Oh, I'm bad. No! Get away!? :'''Baker and Blacksmith (Jimmy and Jerry Gourd)''': ''[Wakes up, screams, cut in the roasts hot dog Prospector and Candace played by Charlie Pincher and Annie Onion plays the guitar, the avalanche of dodgeballs rains down]'' :'''Candace (Annie Onion)''': Look out the dodgeballs, Prospector! Phew! That was close. :'''Baker (Jimmy Gourd)''': A-And that's when I woke up screamin'! What does my dream mean Joe?! <hr width=50%> :'''Banker (Archibald Asparagus)''': Ah, anyone here? Oh, yes, dear Baker. I have wonderful news! The Mayor has given you a full pardon. He wants you to resume your duties immediately! :'''Slave Master (Scallion 1)''': And I'm extending an invitation to you, Mr. Blacksmith to join my chain gang up the river! ''[he laughs an evil laugh and Blacksmith gets terrifies, then all exits the scene]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Mayor (Mr. Nezzer)''': ''[mumbling in sleep, screams, the avalanche of dodgeballs rains down again]'' It was horrible! Just horrible! And it was so real, like it was really happening!? :'''Banker''': Oh, that's sounds dreadful! At any rate, as I was saying about our bank- :'''Mayor''': But what can it mean?! Is there anyone in Dodgeball City who can interpret dreams?! <hr width=50%> :'''Mayor''': Right, well He'll better, or I'll put you back in that jail and you'll never get out. ''[?]'' Let's get started. Earlier today, I had the strangest dreams. ''[sings]'' Seven cows sat on a hill, so big and fat. I got my grill. ''I was thinking about a BBQ.'' Then seven scrawny ones came along and GULP..The big fat cows were gone. <hr width=50%> :'''Mayor''': You did it, Little Joe. He saved the town! <hr width=50%> :'''Little Joe (Larry)''': Yeah... ==An Easter Carol (2003)== :'''Millward (Larry)''': Is that one supposed to be me? Because I'm not that fat. <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Its a bug! A big bug! :'''Hope''': Do I look like a bug to you? <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[after looking at the clock]'' Yep, I'm just going to stay awake. I'm not tired at all. I'm just going to stay wiiidddee....''[snores]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Here we go! 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1... Hit it!? :'''Cavis (Bob)''': '''''AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!''''' :'''Mr. Nezzer and Cavis''': '''''AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!''''' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Whew! We made it! ==A Snoodle's Tale== :'''Butterbun (Scooter the Carrot)''': Your special just the way God made you. <hr width=50%> :'''God''': And lastly your wings. You know what they're for. But not just to fly, son. I want you to soar! ==Sumo of the Opera== :'''Larry''': ''[singing]'' Whether whether whether whether, whether you like it or not. Weather weather weather weather, weather is cold warm and hot. <hr width=50%> :'''St. Patrick''': So you see, God is like a shamrock. :'''People''': Oh great shamrock, you are powerful :'''St. Patrick''': No no no! This is simply a metaphor. :'''People''': Oh great metaphor.... :'''St. Patrick''': No no no no! God is like a shamrock. Because He is God the father, God the son and God the holy ghost. One God, three persons. <hr width=50%> :''[Telephone [[w:Busy signal|busy signal]] sound effect coming from Bob's phone]'' :'''Woman's voice on recording''': If you'd like to make a call please hang up and try again. If you need help hang up and then dial your operator. :'''Bob''': Larry? Larry! Oh no, he must have ran out of quarters. <hr width=50%> :''[after Qwerty steamed up and broke down]'' :'''Bob''': What happened?! :'''Larry''': Qwerty! You okay?! :'''Lutfi''': ''[pops up]'' Sorry. :'''Bob''': Lutfi, what did you do?! :'''Lutfi''': Lutfi fits into tiny places. :'''Bob''': You killed Qwerty! :'''Lutfi''': Oh, no, I did not kill him. I just made him sputter in smoke, but there is a difference. :'''Bob''': Well, we're gonna have to get him repaired and we need a verse now! What are we gonna do? :'''Lutfi''': Lutfi might be teensy weensy, but he is a great big helper who knows his scripture memory verses! :'''Larry''': Memory verses? :'''Lutfi''': Oh, yes. ==Duke and the Great Pie War (2004)== :'''Petunia''': Whoops, ''[laughs]'' missed the door. :'''Duke (Larry)''': Bye, I got my hat now. <hr width=50%> :'''Otis''': You are lucky Duke, but watch out for yourself this time! :'''Duke''': No Otis! I'm going to look out for someone else first! That's true love! :'''Otis''': That's crazy! <hr width=50%> :'''Otis''': Ahh! I can't see! ''[Because of this, he gets hit in the face by Duke's pie, sending him flying off his horse and across the field.]'' Maammaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!! ''[He lands with a thud. A surprised Novak watches as the crowd cheers for Duke.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Duke''': We'll be family, Petunia. And I'll take care of you forever. :'''Petunia''': ''[giggles]'' Family? Forever? ==Minnesota Cuke and the Search for Samson's Hairbrush== :'''Percy Pea''': ''[to Lil' Pea, after Gourdon threatens to pound the kids]'' Have ''you'' ever been pounded? :'''Lil' Pea''': A cousin of mine was. He's soup now. :'''Gourdon''': Ha-ha-ha! Bye-bye, Junior! Hahahaha! ''[?]'' :'''Annie''': ? <hr width=50%> :'''Gourdon''': Aw, this is lame. I don't even like this lousy, old playground. I'm going home to play video games. <hr width=50%> :'''Minnesota (Larry)''': First, a chocolate Malta. :'''Julia (Petunia)''': Malt. :'''Minnesota''': Right. Chocolate. :'''Julia''': No, it's malt. Not Malta. :'''Minnesota''': What? :'''Julia''': Malt is a desert, Malta is an island. :'''Minnesota''': But with an Italian accent, they're both the same. <hr width=50%> :'''Minnesota''': ''[calling Martin (Bob)]'' Martin? Martin? :'''Martin''': I'm here, Cuke! What's wrong? Did you get a haircut? :'''Minnesota''': Never mind that! Where's the park guy? :'''Martin''': Huh? He was here a second ago. I guess he slipped out. Tell me! What's going on? :'''Minnesota''': Good, he wouldn't want to hear this anyway. It's bad news, Martin. :'''Martin''': Would you just tell me already? :'''Minnesota''': He was here, Martin! And he's after the brush! :'''Martin''': Who? :'''Minnesota''': Professor Rattan! :'''Martin''': Okay. Now, don't panic, Minnesota. Remember, he's a bully. We can deal with him. :'''Minnesota''': Just a bully?! He's more than that! He's my '''''enemy!''''' :'''Martin''': Calm down. The Bible says we should love our enemies. :'''Minnesota''': Love?! Love our enemies?! :'''Martin''': Everybody can't go around all the time trying to get even. That would leave the whole world in a mess. Let's just figure out what to do next. :'''Minnesota''': I'll tell you what we're gonna do, Martin. I'm gonna get that brush first, and I'm gonna use its power to defeat all the bullies in the world! I'm gonna teach them a lesson they'll never forget! :'''Martin''': But, Minnesota! :'''Minnesota''': See ya in the funny papers, Martin. ''[belief pauses]'' Alright, where is catacombs?! ==Lord of the Beans== :'''Billboy (Archibald)''': Today is my twelvety-twoth birthday. 122 years is too short a time to live among such fine folk. I'm twice as tall as half of you and half as short as twice of you. <hr width=50%> :'''Ahem (Mr. Lunt)''': ''[as he chases Toto (Junior) for the bean]'' It's mine, I tell you! It's mine! Give it to me! Give it back! <hr width=50%> : '''Toto''': Randalf! I know why the elders sent me here! They want me to help! : ''[Scaryman (Scallion #1) captures Toto and puts his sword in front of him.]'' : '''Scaryman''': Good thought, but wrong! : '''Randalf (Mr. Nezzer)''': Scaryman! : '''Scaryman''': The elders sent you here because I ''told'' them to. : '''Randalf''': What? : '''Toto''': What? : '''Scaryman''': Everyone has something they're sure they can't live without. ''[looks at the Fellowship]'' For some, it's fame or fortune, ''[looks at Ahem]'' for others, a life of ease. For a certain ancient tree, it happens to be jewels, something of which I have in abundance. : '''Randalf''': You ''bribed'' them? : '''Scaryman''': Yes. They got what they want, and I get what ''I'' want. Ha! Use your gift to help people, how quaint! I hope you've learned your lesson, boy. Life is short. If you have a gift, use it for yourself before you've lost it and it's too late. : ''[Scaryman pushes Toto aside and takes the bean.]'' : '''Scaryman''': Ha! Too late! ''[laughs evilly]'' : '''Billboy''': You're wrong, Scaryman! : '''Scaryman''': What? Who said that? : '''Billboy''': You're wrong, Scaryman! : '''Scaryman''': Who- Show yourself! Where are you? : ''[Billboy charges at Scaryman and knocks him to the ground. He catches the bean.]'' : '''Toto''': Uncle Billboy! : '''Randalf''': Billboy? : '''Billboy''': Hello, Toto! : ''[[Scaryman tries to reach for his sword, but Ear-A-Corn (Larry) blocks it from him.]'' : '''Ear-A-Corn''': Not so fast, scary guy! : '''Scaryman''': Sporks, save me! : ''[The Other Elf (Jerry), who's with the sporks, shakes his head.]'' : '''Spork''': Cookie man say no! : '''Scaryman''': Oh, bother. <hr width=50%> :'''Toto (Junior)''': I want to fix this land! ==Sheerluck Holmes and the Golden Ruler (2005/2010/2012/2017)== :'''Don Quixote (Archibald Asparagus)''': ''[WAKES UP]'' NOOOOO!! ''[pauses out via [[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]] 1996-2022]'' :'''Junior''': Oh, no! It's burgers! :'''Annie''': Don, are you alright?! :'''Laura''': What happened?! :'''Junior''': It’s just a bad dream. It was waking me into the nightmares or something. <hr width=50%> :'''Don Quixote (Archibald)''': Not quite. :'''Pancho (Mr. Lunt)''': Insufferable? :'''Don Quixote (Archibald)''': No. :'''Pancho (Mr. Lunt)''': Objectionable?! Hideous?! Malodorous?! :'''Don Quixote (Archibald)''': Pancho, I believe I just had the impossible dream. ''([[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur Reviews on PBS Kids]])'' :'''[[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]''': Everybody's story's gonna be better than mine. Hic! :'''[[Arthur (TV series)|Jane]]''': Your clock is working perfectly. Go back to your room. ''(back in the presented day in The Asparagus of LaMancha)'' :'''Pancho (Mr. Lunt)''': Just by definition, wouldn't that be... impossible? Maybe you just had a difficult dream. (Don folds up his bed) Or perhaps an impossibly strenuous dream. Or even... <hr width=50%> :'''Trout (Mr. Nezzer)''': Move along! :'''Spud (Mr. Lunt)''': Nothing to see here. <hr width=50%> :'''Scooter''': Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Holmes. But the Golden Ruler has been stolen! :''[Sheerluck Holmes (Larry) can't understand his accent.]'' :'''Sheerluck''': What? :'''Scooter''': I said, sorry to interrupt, but the Golden Ruler has been stolen! :'''Sheerluck''': What language are you speaking? :'''Maid''': Say! I speak Scottish! He says someone's golden hula is swollen. :'''Jimmy''': No. He said the goat and jeweler are out strollin'. :'''Sheerluck''': See, I thought I was hearing something about Samoans. :'''Maid''': Perhaps coats and stools all go bowling. :'''Jimmy''': Folding scooters have been rolling? :'''Scooter''': '''''THE... GOLDEN... RULER... HAS BEEN.... STOLEN!''''' :'''All''': Ohhh...! ==LarryBoy and the Bad Apple== :'''LarryBoy''': Remember kid. With great chocolate comes great responsibility. <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': There's nothing wrong with playing video games, but you let this video game play you. :'''Petunia''': I know! I want out! ==Gideon: Tuba Warrior== :'''Gideon (Larry)''': I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK! :'''Angle (Pa Grape)''': To tell you the truth, so am I. :'''Gideon''': ''[in high-pitched voice]'' I scream like a girl. <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Wiggle Turtle Tubies? They look taller on TV. :'''Pea''': So do you, tomato! ==Moe and the Big Exit (2006)== :'''Moe (Larry)''': High ho sliver away! :'''Aaron (Archibald)''': Let my people go! <hr width=50%> :'''Narrator''': Some matches are made in phosphorus factories, while others are made in heaven. Either way, it all starts with a little chemistry. <hr width=50%> :'''Bill (Sheriff's Guards)''': Heh, Yeah right... :'''Moe (Larry)''': I got it! I'll save you, unbelievable! :'''Bill (Sheriff's Guards)''': Oof... '''''AHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' ''[splash, gasps, coughs]'' ==Bob's Vacation from God Made You Special (2007)== Random ==The Wonderful Wizard of Ha's== :'''Darby (Junior)''': Is there anything really dangerous in these woods? :'''Scarecrow (Mr. Lunt)''': A friend of mine was in these woods, and he says he saw a fella from Toledo. :'''Tin Man (Larry)''': You mean, an Ohioan? :'''Scarecrow''': Yep. :'''Tin Man''': Well, my uncle said he saw one of those guys who play that little flute in the army. :'''Scarecrow''': ''[gasp]'' A fifer? :'''Tin Man''': Uh-huh. :'''Scarecrow''': Oh, boy. Not to make matters worse, but I met a fella who knew a guy who says he saw... a mommy horse. :'''Darby''': ''[gasps]'' :'''Scarecrow''': Ohioans. :'''Tin Man''': And fifers. :'''Scarecrow''': And mares. :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow''': Ohioans. :'''Tin Man''': And fifers. :'''Scarecrow''': And mares. :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and- :''[A lion (Pa Grape) roars, then barks like a dog. Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming in panic.]'' :'''Tin Man''': IT'S AN OHIOAN! :''[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby bump into each other and fall.]'' :'''Lion''': Uh no, that's "lion". :'''Tin Man''': Oh, lion. ''[gasps]'' Lion?! :''[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming again.]'' :'''Lion''': Oh, stop! I'm not trying to scare ya. I'm just hungry! :'''Tin Man''': A '''''hungry''''' lion?! :''[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming again.]'' :'''Lion''': No no! I'm not gonna eat you. I'm just having fun with you. On the count of being so bored. ==Tomato Sawyer and Huckleberry Larry's Big River Rescue== :'''Little Jimmy''': ''[looking at a record album of "Mama Belle and Little Jimmy"]'' Mama! :'''Tom (Bob)''': That's your mama? :'''Little Jimmy''': And me! Little Jimmy! :'''Huck (Larry)''': That's you? :''[Tom & Huck look at Jimmy seeing he is big now]'' :'''Little Jimmy''': I grew. <hr width=50%> :''[Huck is exploring the town of Muscatine.]'' :'''Huck''': ''[to himself]'' Wow, what a great town. This place has got it all. Friendly town people, shopping, baby with a signal flare... Huh? :''[Huck looks and sees that there is, in fact, a baby with a signal flare. Observing further, he sees that everyone in the town has a signal flare. To make matters worse, Huck spots a big "WANTED" billboard for Little Jimmy.]'' :'''Huck''': Ahhh! ''[he backs away from the billboard, only to bump into a policeman]'' Excuse me. ''[the policeman turns to Huck, revealing he has a signal flare, too; Huck backs up, and knocks over an n entire cart of signal flares]'' Oh! Really sorry about that! :''[Huck bumps into the old man he met from earlier.]'' :'''Huck''': Excuse me. :'''Old Man''': Hey, is there somethin’ I can help you with, Sonny? :''[He adjusts his hat with a signal flare. Huck sees it, screams, and runs away frightened, catching the baby’s attention. Cut to Tom and Little Jimmy on the dock.]'' :'''Tom''': You play any football in high school? You got the size for it. :'''Little Jimmy''': No. I was in musicals. :'''Tom''': Really? :''[Huck comes rushing toward them.]'' :'''Huck''': Tom! T-Tom! :''[The baby suddenly spots Little Jimmy, and starts crying loudly as he whacks against his carriage.]'' :'''Huck''': TOM! Whoa! :''[Huck collides with Tom and Little Jimmy, and the three tumble down the stairs back onto the raft. The baby stops fussing and looks at his signal flare.]'' :'''Huck''': ''[grabs the paddle]'' We gotta get outta here! ''[pushes the raft away from the dock]'' :'''Tom''': W-What are you doing? Huck?!? What’s going on?! :'''Huck''': '''''BEWARE THE BABIES!''''' :''[A signal flare shoots into the sky with a loud whistle and explodes into a firework. The baby laughs. Huck looks up in horror.]'' :'''Little Jimmy''': Oooh...pretty. :'''Tom''': Eh-hehh... eh, maybe no one noticed… :''[He was wrong. Everyone else in the town starts firing their signal flares into the sky, making it look like a fireworks show.]'' :'''Huck''': ''[paddling faster]'' They all know about Jim! The posters are everywhere! Even the ''babies'' have signal flares! :'''Tom''': The babies? :'''Huck''': Yeah, Tom! The '''''babies!''''' <hr width=50%> :'''Tom''': Who's that guy? :'''Huck''': I think it was [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel Sanders]]. <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Lunt''': Personally, I found the book riveting, full of flawed characters and classic American humor. ==Pistachio – The Little Boy That Woodn't (2009)== :'''Confetti the Fox (Scallion #1)''': For a thousand gold coins, here is question number three: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? :'''Pistachio (Junior)''': Huh? I don't know that! Nobody knows that! :'''Confetti''': Then you shouldn't have risked ''everything''. :''[Charlie Pincher pulls a lever that sends Pistachio down the rollercoaster, and onto the catapult.]'' :'''Pistachio''': But... But you said you wouldn't steer me wrong! :'''Confetti''': No. We said "''Why'' would we steer you wrong?", and the answer is... Five. Gold. Coins. :''[Charlie pushes the lever that makes the catapult fling Pistachio into the ocean.]'' :'''Pistachio''': ''[screams]'' :'''Confetti, Purina the Cat (Scallion #2), and Charlie''': ''[laugh]'' :'''Purina''': High five! :'''Confetti''': No hands, numbskull. <hr width=50%> :'''Carrot''': Oh, hey there, cricket! :'''Khalil''': I am not a cricket! I am a caterpillar! :'''Carrot''': Silly cricket. :'''Pistachio''': Huh? Cricket!? :'''Khalil''': I am not a- Pistachio! You are alive! :'''Pistachio''': I'm looking for Gelato! :'''Khalil''': Me too! That's why I left home by myself in this big, mean caterpillar-eating world! :'''Pistachio''': I don't eat caterpillars. :'''Khalil''': Good. I hear we are quite tasty. :'''Pistachio''': Who's with the ducklings? :'''Khalil''': Oh. A good friend is helping me out. :''[Madame Blueberry is looking after the ducklings.]'' :'''Madame Blueberry''': No, I'm a ''blueberry''. But I get that all the time. :'''Duckling''': Quack? :'''Madame Blueberry''': No, I never played [[W:Monopoly (game)|Monopoly]], but I'll give it a go. <hr width=50%> :'''Pistachio''': Where's all the food? :'''Gelato (Larry)''': Oh, we've got plenty of food! :'''Dorito''': Hey, guys? We're out of food. ''[pauses]'' :'''Espresso''': (Oh, no!) WE'RE GONNA DIED!!! ''[Everyone screams and panics.]'' :'''Khalil''': WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE! ==The Little Drummer Boy (2010)== Random ==Robin Good and His Not So Merry Man (2011/2016)== Random ==The First Annie Onion X Dialog Carrot Ever (2012)== :'''Annie''': ''[sings "Wheels on the Bus" while playing the guitar]'' :'''Junior''': Whoa! That song so crazy! ''[he covers the pillow with Laura]'' :'''Laura''': That earplugs to them! ==See Also== {{Wikipedia}} *[[Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie]] *[[The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie]] [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Cancelled shows‎]] [[Special:Contributions/2600:6C5E:59F0:1070:B8AE:638C:9D0:C377|2600:6C5E:59F0:1070:B8AE:638C:9D0:C377]] 19:48, 7 February 2024 (UTC) mwdtzxf7by1zwc1ydpjki58v9qifnr8 3949196 3949191 2026-06-05T13:41:31Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949196 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:VeggieTales|VeggieTales]]''''' (1993-2015) is a 3D CGI animated Christian children's educational/musical/comedy/fantasy direct-to-video sitcom that centers around anthropomorphic vegetables who mainly play characters from Bible stories. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12. ==Opening Dialogue== Random ==VeggieTales Theme Song== Random ==Where's God When I'm S-Scared?== :'''Assistant''': It can't be done. I don't think you can do it. :'''Scientist''': Well then, stand back and behold as I throw this switch! It's alive! Alive! ''[laughs in an evil manner]'' Stand! :'''Assistant''': Oh my goodness! Look how big it is! :'''Scientist''': Speak! :'''[[w:Frankenstein|Frankencelery]]''': ''[moans]'' :'''Scientist''': Walk to me! No! This way! :'''Assistant''': Oh, look at it going! :'''Scientist''': Frankencelery, where are you going? Come back here! No, don't go near the door! ''[Frankencelery walks out the door and a scream is heard]'' Frankencelery, come back! Stay away from those villagers! <hr width=50%> :'''Mom Asparagus''': Junior! It's time for bed! :'''Junior Asparagus''': Just four more minutes. :'''Mom Asparagus''': That's what you said four minutes ago. Let's skedaddle up those stairs. Your father will be up in a minute to tuck you in. Besides, I think this show might be a little too scary for you. <hr width=50%> :''[Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber crash through Junior's ceiling.]'' :'''Junior''': Aah! Who are you? :'''Bob''': I'm Bob. I'm a tomato, and I'm here to help you. :''[Junior's toy chest starts rattling]'' :'''Junior''': There's something in my toy chest! It's a- It's a- ''[Larry pops out with a bonnet on his head]'' ... baby pickle? :'''Bob''': It's a cucumber. <hr width=50%> :'''Bob the Tomato''': Look up at that window. What do you see? :'''Junior Asparagus''': My curtains. :'''Bob''': No! Out the window, up in the sky. :'''Junior''': I see lots of stars. :'''Larry the Cucumber''': God made all those stars out of nothing, he just went, ''[razzes]'', and there they were. <hr width=50%> :'''Scallion #1''': Daniel, because you violated Section 4219 2R9-4000 6 dot 1 dash 7, B, of the code of Babylon, forbidding prayer to anyone but King Darius- you are hereby sentenced to be consumed by the lions. Goodbye! :'''Daniel (Larry)''': Hey, didn't get I get a phone ''[The Scallions tosses him in]'' '''''caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllll!''''' :''[Daniel lands on the ground with a thud. He gets up dizzily. The scallion wisemen call down to him.]'' :'''Scallion #2''': Hey, Daniel! We know you're gonna have fun down there! We're not "lion"! :'''Scallion #3''': Uh, yeah, you better be "lion" down, because those lions are gonna... lie... on you! :'''Scallion #2''': ''[to Scallion #3]'' Mine was funny, yours was... goofy. Lions are gonna lie on him? They're gonna EAT him! They're not gonna LIE on him! :'''Scallion #3''': Well, maybe they'll lie on him first, and then eat him... or maybe one will lie on him while the others eat him... or maybe they'll take turns between lying and eating- :'''Scallion #2''': Yeah, you think the lions are gonna cooperate and say "Hey, I'll eat him, you lie on him"? Come on, we're the ones who are lyin', not the lions. ''[seals the den up]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Daniel (Larry)''': ''[singing in fear]'' Oh no, what am I gonna do? It looks like I'm gonna end up as lion stew! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob the Tomato''': God made you special, and He loves you very much. ''[closing line of most episodes]'' ==God Wants Me to Forgive Them!?!== :''[Tom and Rosie begin slinging nonsensical insults at each other]'' :'''Tom Grape''': Hey! What'd you do that for? :'''Rosie Grape''': I didn't do it! You did, ya big possum head! :'''Tom''': I did not, you taco salad rabbit nose! :'''Rosie''': You did too, casserole-head, pimento-loaf, iguana boy! :'''Tom''': Pa! :'''Pa Grape''': Now, Rose, apologize to your brother. :'''Rosie''': Huh? What for? :'''Pa''': Well, you know he just turned 18 years old. :'''Rosie''': Yeah, so? :'''Pa''': So that would make him a casserole-head, pimento-loaf, iguana ''man''! :'''Rosie''': Oh, yeah, sorry about that, ''[under breath]'' cabbage-nosed Elvis puppy. :'''Tom''': Yeah, and don't you forget it! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob the Tomato''': Boy, I sure am glad they got that straightened out. :'''Larry the Cucumber''': Yep, the grapes were really sorry this time, so once again, Junior forgave them. :''[The scenes cuts back to the story]'' :'''Junior Asparagus''': ''[angrily]'' What?! :'''Larry (voice-over)''': I said, "once again, Junior forgave them." :'''Junior''': Are you serious?!? :''[The scene cuts back to the Countertop]'' :'''Larry''': Well, I think so. Bob am I serious? :'''Bob''': Oh yeah, Larry. Yeah, y-you're serious. Mmm-hmm. :''[The scene cuts back to the story]'' :'''Junior''': I'm supposed to forgive them again? After what they just did to me?! :''[The scene cuts back to the Countertop]'' :'''Larry''': Well, uh... yeah. :''[The scene cuts back to the story]'' :'''Junior''': Sure, I forgave them for calling me "Bean Boy" and saying I had cheese on my head. But now they're making fun of my name and they laughed when the hoe almost smacked my face CLEEEEAAAAN off, and then the truck picked me up and threw me in the sand! And you're telling me, I'm supposed to forgive them AGAIN!?! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Well, does anybody know what 70 × 7 is? :'''Ma Grape''': Nine? :'''Pa''': Let's see, I remember from college, it was, uh... π, r... oy! :'''Tom''': Was it two? Or maybe... Seven? :'''Rosie''': 490! :'''All''': Ooh! :'''Dad Asparagus''': Now, that's one smart grape. <hr width=50%> :''[Bob and Larry begin to tell the tale of [[w:Gilligan's Island|"Larry's Lagoon"]]]'' :'''Bob (voice-over)''': I remember that day, that fateful trip. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Why, yes. It started from that tropic port, aboard [[w:S.S. Minnow|our tiny ship]]. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': Now Larry, he was [[w:Gilligan (Gilligan's Island)|a mighty sailin' man]]. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': And Bob, he was [[w:The Skipper|brave and sure]]. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': And weren't there five passengers booked that day, on our three-hour tour? :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Ah, yes... our three-hour tour. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': There was [[w:The Professor (Gilligan's Island)|the Professor]]. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': And we were there. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': Of course. And [[w:Thurston Howell III|the millionaire]]. :'''Larry (voice-over)''': And [[w:Lovey Howell|his wife]]. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': Yep. And wasn't there [[w:Ginger Grant|a movie star]] and [[w:Mary Ann Summers|that other girl]]? :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Yeah, but they cancelled. <hr width=50%> :''[First-mate Larry is now at the wheel of the boat]'' :'''Larry (voice-over)''': Oh, boy. This is the life. There's nothing I'd rather be than First-mate Larry. Well, nothing, that is, except... ''[with a fake Russian accent]'' Captain Larry Romanoff, the famous Russian icebreaker pilot. Today, Captain Larry must free whales. Two great whales trapped in ice. But, there is problem! A large iceberg stands between Captain Larry and whales. There may not be enough time to go around it! But surely, even Captain Larry is not brave enough to smash through the iceberg! NO ONE HAS EVER DONE SUCH A THING! ''[Captain Larry sets the boat to maximum speed and steers toward the huge iceberg]'' Yes, this is no time for cowards! Captain Larry will smash the iceberg, and free the whales! ''[Commander Boblov arrives]'' Ah, Commander Boblov has come to congratulate Captain Larry for his bravery. :''[First-mate Larry's daydream ends, and Commander Boblov changes back to Skipper Bob]'' :'''Bob''': Hey, Larry. We're making snow cones back there. Do you want peach or strawberry? :'''Larry''': Um, not now, Bob. First, I have to smash through this iceberg and free some whales. :'''Bob''': ''[incredulously]'' There are no icebergs around here. :'''Larry''': Well then, what do you call that? ''[The boat is racing directly towards a large rock. Skipper Bob and First-mate Larry both scream in horror simultaneously as the boat crashes on the rock, flinging Skipper Bob, First-mate Larry and the passengers onto the beach of a tropical island]'' :'''Lovey Asparagus''': Oh, the brochure didn't say anything about layovers. :'''Archibald Asparagus''': Well, you see, Lovey, I believe we had some sort of an accident. :'''Bob''': Yes, we most certainly had an accident, ''[angrily turns to Larry]'' and I think someone has some explaining to do. :'''Larry''': Well, you see, there were these whales, and they were stuck on the ice, and the only way to get 'em out was to smash that iceberg over there, except it turned out to be a rock, and rocks are a lot harder than icebergs. :'''Dad Asparagus''': It just so happens that the nearest iceberg is 2,640 miles away. What were you thinking? :'''Bob''': You smashed our boat! Now what're we gonna do?! :'''Lovey''': You've ruined our vacation. What do you have to say for yourself?! :'''Larry''': Um... I'm sorry? ''[brightly]'' At least the boat's still floating. ''[The boat sinks immediately and Larry frowns guiltily]'' Oh. :'''Archibald''': ''[annoyed]'' Alright, I'll need to call my broker. I'm going to look for a phone. :'''Bob (voice-over)''': That evening, we all worked together to build some huts to sleep in, but we were still pretty mad at Larry. <hr width=50%> :''[Inside one of the huts, Bob and Larry are laying in their beds]'' :'''Larry''': Gee, it's kinda nice out here. Maybe this isn't so bad after all, Huh Bob? :'''Bob''': ''[still annoyed]'' Not so bad? What do you mean "Not so bad"?! Our boat is at the bottom of the ocean and we're stuck on this island, in the middle of nowhere, with no way to get home! :'''Larry''': I said I was "sorry". At least you could forgive me. :'''Bob''': Well it's just that we're - well, can't you see we're I just I just... Can't! ''[turns away]'' Oh! :'''Larry''': I said I was "sorry". :'''Bob''': Well, that's just not good enough. Good night. ''[turns to sleep]'' :'''Larry''': Not good enough? Not good enough?! He means-He means I'm not good enough. They all think I'm not good enough. I bet they be happier if I just left. So that's what I'll do. ''[climbs out of bed]'' I'm just gonna-gonna take my things and just go away, Yeah. ''[looks for those, but didn't see them]'' I don't have any things, so I'll just go. With just my hat. ''[hops out]'' Goodbye Bob, I hope you find a first mate that's good enough. ''[he sadly hops away]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Archibald''': I wonder where the skipper is. :'''Lovey''': Who? :'''Archibald''': You know, dear, the bright, red, round fellow. :'''Lovey''': Oh, yes. Where is he, anyway? :'''Archibald''': I don't know. That's what I was wondering. :'''Lovey''': Oh, I see. :'''Bob''': Has anyone seen Larry? :'''Archibald''': Did you say something? :'''Lovey''': No, it was that tree over there. :'''Archibald''': Really? Well, what did it say? :'''Lovey''': I believe it's looking for Larry. ...Who's Larry? :'''Archibald''': Oh, you remember. He's the chap who smashed the boat. :'''Lovey''': Oh, and ruined our vacation? :'''Archibald''': That's the one. :'''Lovey''': Oh... Well, I hope that tree gets him. Serves him right. :'''Archibald''': Here, here. ''[Bob is high up in the tree.]'' :'''Bob''': Hello! People! Have you seen Larry? :'''Archibald''': Oh look, Lovey! It's the skipper! :'''Lovey''': I didn't know tomatoes grew on trees. :'''Archibald''': Well, actually... Oh, never mind. ==Are You My Neighbor?== :''[Bob and Larry beam into Junior's bedroom via spaceship]'' :'''Junior Asparagus''': Aah! Who are you? :'''Bob the Tomato''': I'm Bob. I'm a tomato, and I need your help! :'''Junior''': Whoa... [[w:Déjà vu|Déjà vu]]. ''[notices the chocolate bar stuck on Larry's helmet]'' Um... what's he got on his space helmet? :'''Bob''': Huh? What do you mean? ''[notices it as well]'' Larry! :'''Larry the Cucumber''': What? :'''Bob''': How times have I told you not to eat when you're wearing your helmet? :'''Larry''': Oh. Sorry. ''[tries shaking and biting it off, then nudges it off]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Jimmy Gourd''': You know, sometimes differences can be good... if we just take the time to get to know each other. :'''Junior''': Yeah, maybe. So, why do you eat so much? :'''Jimmy''': Uh, we're hungry, I guess. :'''Jerry Gourd''': It's our metabolism or something. :'''Jimmy''': You know, sometimes I think I could eat a whole bus! :'''Jerry''': Yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole spaceship! :'''Jimmy''': Oh, yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole PLANET! :''[The word "planet" echoes in Junior's brain]'' :'''Junior''': Scooter, how many escape pods d'you say there were? :'''Scooter Carrot''': Two! :'''Junior''': Jimmy! Did you mean what you said about eating a whole planet? :'''Jimmy''': Well, sure, but... :'''Junior''': How would you guys like to help save the ship? :'''Jimmy''': Well, gosh, that'd be swell! :'''Junior''': '''''GRAB THE GOUUUUUUUUUUUUURDS!!!!!!!!''''' ''[?]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Jimmy and Jerry''': '''''LET'S EAT IT!!!!!!!!!!''''' :''[Jimmy and Jerry are eating the popcorn meteor.]'' :'''Scooter''': Do you think it's possible? :'''Junior''': If anyone can do it, they can. :''[Bob, Larry, Junior, and Scooter keep watching as the gourds eat the meteor.]'' :'''Bob''': Only ten seconds left! I sure hope those gourds were hungry! Five... Four... Three... Two... One... '''''INCOMING!!!!!!!!!''''' :''[Everyone ducks for cover. A high-pitched whistling sound leads up to Jimmy and Jerry splatting against the windshield without a meteor in sight.]''' :'''Jimmy''': No more for me, thanks. I'm full. ''[burps]'' 'Scuse me. ==Rack, Shack & Benny== :'''Grandpa George''': Heh! The Nezzer Chocolate Bunny! Every day, they make 14,638 of these li'l fellers, give or take a few. Oh yeah, Mr. Nezzer! Nebby K. Nezzer. But you better call him Mr. Nezzer. Now, Mr. Nezzer's not a bad man, he just gets confused sometimes. Why, his chocolate bunnies are sellin' so well, I think he's gotten a little big for his britches. And that's saying something, so his britches'll break out to start out with. What's all that have to do with Rack, Shack & Benny? Well, their troubles started when Mr. Nezzer made a little announcement. :''[A bell that sounds like a school bell is heard ringing, and a TV monitor lowers from the ceiling. Mr. Nezzer appears on the screen.]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Attention, little people! I have an announcement! This morning, the Nezzer Chocolate Factory has shipped its two-millionth chocolate bunny! To celebrate this momentous occasion, for the next 30 minutes, everyone may eat as many bunnies they want! ''Bon appétit!'' :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[operating the TV camera]'' Hey, boss, that's awfully nice of you to give away all those bunnies. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Oh, if I could just see the looks on their faces right now. ''[takes a rest]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Rack, Shack & Benny are the only ones in the factory not lying ill from eating too much chocolate]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Everybody else is lying down, but you three are standing up. :'''Mr. Lunt''': Actually, boss, I think the tomato is sitting. :'''Rack (Bob the Tomato)''': I'm standing. :'''Mr. Lunt''': Sitting! :'''Rack''': Look, ''[squats]'' this is sitting... ''[stretches up]'' and this is standing. I'm standing. :'''Mr. Lunt''': Okay, he's standing. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': What're your names, boys? :'''Rack''': I'm Shadrach. :'''Shack (Junior Asparagus]''' I'm Meshach. :'''Benny (Larry the Cucumber)''': I'm Abumblebee... Abennyboo... I'm Benny. <hr width=50%> :''[Having finished demonstrating "The Bunny Song", Mr. Nezzer looks to the boys for feedback]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Well? What do you think? :'''Rack''': Um... what would happen, let's say, if someone didn't quite agree with everything in that song, so they, um... didn't sing it? What would happen? :'''Mr. Nezzer''': What's that over there? :'''Shack''': That's the furnace. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': What's it for? :'''Benny''': Well, that's where the bad bunnies go. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': And let's just say, in my mind, if you don't bow down and sing the song, you're a BAD bunny. :'''Rack''': ''[unnerved]'' You don't mean...? :'''Mr. Nezzer''': But I'm sure that won't happen. It's almost time for the ceremony. I'll see you out there. <hr width=50%> :''[Everyone, except Rack, Shack and Benny, bows down as the intro music to "The Bunny Song" plays]'' :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[notices that Rack, Shack and Benny aren't bowing]'' Hey, boss? Those three guys, they don't look like they're bowing. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[confused]'' Hmm... aren't those our new Junior Executives? :'''Mr. Lunt''': I think so. Maybe they're stuck. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Let's find out. ''[moves the podium over to Rack, Shack and Benny]'' I said, it's time to sing "The Bunny Song." ''[The factory's delivery girl, Laura Carrot, notices the situation]'' :'''Laura''': Come on, guys, sing the song! Everybody's doing it. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[with increasing frustration]'' Sing the song! :'''Mr. Lunt''': They ain't singing, boss. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[finally on the brink of losing his temper]'' '''''SING'''''! :''[Shack begins singing "Think Of Me"]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Is that "The Bunny Song?" :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[skeptical]'' No, I don't think so. :'''Laura''': ''[worried]'' Are you crazy? That's the wrong song! :''[Shack keeps singing. Rack and Benny join in on the last verse]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[touched]'' Oh, that was wonderful. I'm gonna be singing that song myself... ''[suddenly angrily-ish]'' as I throw you into the furnace?! GUARDS! ''[Rack, Shack and Benny are shocked]'' Seize them! Take them to the furnace. ''[A band of carrot guards approach Rack, Shack and Benny]'' :'''Laura''': I've gotta help them. But how? ''[Laura sees her flying delivery truck and approaches it as the scene fades out]'' :'''Grandpa George''': ''[off-camera]'' ''Rack, Shack and Benny'' will be right back, after this short break. <hr width=50%> :''[Rack, Shack and Benny are nearly dumped in the furnace, but Laura saves them, and puts them in her flying delivery truck]'' :'''Laura''': Sorry, sir! Can't let you cook my buddies! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': GUARDS! Get them! :''[Two carrot guards jump into their own flying vehicles]'' :'''Laura''': Hang on, guys! ==Dave And the Giant Pickle== :''[A sheep falls over by Jimmy]'' :'''Jimmy Gourd''': Oh, Dave! One of my sheep fell over! Will you come pick it up for me? :'''Dave (Junior Asparagus)''': ''[struggling to pick up another sheep]'' I'm kinda busy right now. :'''Jimmy''': ''[miffed]'' Do you remember the time we dipped you in tar and stuck you to the backside of an angry water buffalo? :'''Dave''': I'll be right there! :''[Another sheep falls over by Tom]'' :'''Tom Grape''': Hey, Dave! One of my sheep fell, too! :'''Dave''': Just a minute! :''[Jerry knocks over a row of sheep]'' :'''Jerry Gourd''': ''[smugly]'' Oh, look! All of my sheep fell over. Dave! :'''Jimmy''': Oh, Dave! After you pick up our sheep, could you run and get me a bite to eat? I'm famished! :'''Jerry''': Oh, yeah! Me, too! Get me something, too! :'''Jimmy''': You know, sometimes I think I could eat a whole camel! :'''Jerry''': Oh, yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole spaceship! :'''Jimmy''': ''[confused]'' Uh, what's a spaceship? :'''Jerry''': I have no idea. <hr width=50%> :''[The Philistines, portrayed by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from across the battlefield]'' :'''Jean-Claude''': Hello, Israelites! You are pigs, and soon we will put apples in your mouths and stick you in our toaster ovens! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! :'''Christophe''': Ah, yes, after we defeat you, you will be our slaves and you will have to fetch us our slippers. :'''Jean-Claude''': Yes, and iron our trousers! :'''Christophe''': Ho-ho, and wipe our little noses. :'''Jean-Claude''': Ha-ha, and scratch that spot on our backs that we cannot reach no matter how hard we try. Ha! ''[no response from the Israelites]'' Don't you have anything to say? :'''Jimmy''': Um... Do you guys have any fried chicken? I've got a real hankering for fried chicken. :'''Jerry''': Yeah, me, too! :'''Jean-Claude''': ''[to Christophe]'' This is going to be easier than we thought. <hr width=50%> :'''Goliath''': Who will fight me?! :'''Dave''': I will fight you, Goliath! :'''Jimmy''': ''[to Tom and Jerry]'' You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that sounded like Dave! :'''Tom''': ''[laughs]'' Well, yeah! ''[spots Dave running out onto the battlefield]'' You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that ''looks'' like Dave! :'''Dave's Brothers''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! ''[Dave smiles at his brothers]'' ''DAVE?!'' ''[Jimmy faints]'' :'''Bob the Tomato''': ''[narrating]'' Goliath was equally surprised. :'''Goliath''': Who said that? :'''Dave''': ''[clears throat]'' I did! :'''Goliath''': Huh? ''[sees Dave]'' Oh ho ho! Am I a dog that you come at me with sticks? :''[Philistines laugh]'' :'''Dave''': I don't exactly know what you mean, but you are not a dog! You're just a really big guy who wants to beat me up! And I come at you not with sticks, but in the name of the God of Israel, who this day will help me defeat you! :'''Goliath''': We will see who defeats who! Now we fight! :'''Jean-Claude''': It's showtime! ==The Toy That Saved Christmas (1996/1997)== :''[The Veggie kids watch intently as a TV commercial plays]'' :'''Wally P. Nezzer''': ''[dressed as [[w:Santa Claus|Santa Claus]]]'' Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Hey kids, do you have the "don't know what I want for Christmas" blues? If I know my toys, and you know I do, than I know just what you're looking for. You want a toy that's fun. You want a toy that's cute. Most importantly, you want a toy with a fully-functioning buzzsaw in his right hand. That's right, you want Buzz-Saw Louie! ''[camera shows the toy and demonstrates the buzzsaw]'' Cool, huh? But wait, there's more! Buzz-Saw Louie also knows the true meanin' of Christmas. All you have to do is push his nose and... ''[presses the Louie's nose]'' :'''Buzzsaw Louie''': Christmas is when you get stuff! You need more toys! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Getting your own doll is easy. Just have your parents place an order, and one of our trained penguins will deliver it right to your door. :'''Announcer''': Delivery not available to Pugslyville due to the collapse of the Pugslyville Bridge. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': So take it from me, Mr. Nezzer... I mean, Santa Claus and his little elf helper. :'''Mr Lunt''': ''[wearing pointed ears and hat]'' Look at me, I'm an elf! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': You just won't be happy until you have Buzz-Saw Louie, the only toy with a working buzzsaw ''and'' the true meaning of Christmas. :'''Buzzsaw Louie''': Billy has more toys than you. ''[The commercial ends, and the Veggie kids run home to beg their parents for more toys]'' :'''Junior''': ''[cries]'' Mom! Mom! We need more toys! :'''Percy''': Billy has more toys than me! :'''Dad Pea''': Who's Billy? :'''Percy''': I dunno, but he has more toys than me! :'''Laura''': ''[whines loudly]'' I want a Buzz-Saw Louie! :'''Lenny''': I want 10 Buzz-Saw Louies! :'''Laura and Lenny''': Cuz that's the true meaning of Christmas! Nah! ''[crying]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Random <hr width=50%> :'''Annie''': ''[off-screen]'' That's not an Christmases about? <hr width=50%> :''[Bob is lying upside down in a snow pile after crashing in Junior's sled]'' :'''Larry''': Bob, Bob! Are you okay?!? :'''Bob''': [[w:Mouse Trap (game)|Mouse Trap]]! :'''Larry''': Huh? :'''Bob''': I wanted to play Mouse Trap! You roll your dice, you move your mice. Nobody gets hurt. <hr width=50%> :''[Mr. Nezzer is about to send Bob, Larry, Junior, and Louie over the broken Puggslyville bridge]'' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': One more thing. If those parents really care about the true meaning of Christmas, where are they now? :'''Dad Asparagus''': We're right here! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Huh? ''[turns to see the Veggie parents and their kids glaring back]'' :'''Dad Asparagus''': We care much about the true meaning of Christmas, Mr. Nezzer! :'''Dad Carrot''': That's what we came here... to give you what you deserve! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Wha-wha-oh! You didn't really think I was going to... heh... oh, that was just... just a joke! I wouldn't... What are you going to do? :''[Laura confronts to Mr. Nezzer, now with a happy face, handing him a present.]'' :'''Laura''': Mr. Nezzer... Merry Christmas! :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Huh? Is that for me? Oh, it's a little bear! Oh, I always wanted a Christmas present, but we were too poor! You don't know how happy this makes me! Look! Isn't it cute! ==Very Silly Songs (1997/2007)== :'''Larry''': Hi kids. I'm Larry the Cucumber. Welcome to the very first VeggieTales home-improvement video. I hope you're ready to monkey wrench. I know I am. ''[hops over to the sink]'' What we're going to do today is change this old leaky fixture on the sink. We're going to replace it with a new one, which will be quite attractive and last for years to come. Oh, and by the way, it's very important with any plumbing job to shut off the water supply. So I had my assistant Jimmy turn off the water to the kitchen. ''[twists the wrench]'' :'''Jimmy''': Oh... you meant the ''kitchen'' sink. ''[faucet explodes and sends Larry flying in a blast of water]'' I thought we were working on bathrooms and decks. :'''Larry''': BOB!!!!!! <hr width=50%> :'''Larry''': Hi kids. I'm Larry the Cucumber. Welcome to the very first VeggieTales success video. Are you ready to make millions of dollars in real-estate with no money down? I know I am. :'''Bob''': LARRY! :'''Larry''': Yeah, Bob? :'''Bob''': Don't you see? This is a ''sing-along'' video! :'''Larry''': Ohhhhh, a sing-along video. I like sing-along videos. That's when you put the words at the bottom of the screen so people can sing along at home, right? :'''Bob''': Yup. :'''Larry''': Oh, the kids are gonna love that. What song should we do first? :'''Bob''': ''[rolls his eyes since the show's almost over]'' Never mind. ''[leaves]'' :'''Larry''': What? ''[follows Bob]'' Hey Bob! Guess what? I bought a whole chocolate factory with no money down. :'''Bob''': You did what? ==LarryBoy! And the Fib From Outer Space (1997/2004/2012/2016)== :'''Dad''': ''[after Junior sings "It's Laura's Fault"]'' Oh... My. Well if that's what you say happened, well, I trust you, Junior. But I'm very surprised at Laura. I'm gonna have to call her father right away. <hr width=50%> :''[Larry and Alfred are playing [[w:Candy Land|Candy Land]], stomach growling]'' :'''Larry''': I'm still stuck in the Molasses Swamp. I've been here for 38 turns. Your turn, Alfred. :'''Alfred (Archibald)''': Right, let's see. ''[draws a card]'' Oh, look! I get to go all the way to Princess Lolly! What luck! HA! Your turn. :'''Larry''': ''[draws a card]'' Still stuck. I sure hope the rest of Bumblyburg is having more fun than I am. :''[Larry looks out the window to see the Larry-Signal flashing urgently. He and Alfred immediately stand up]'' :'''Larry''': Alfred, I've got work to do. Consider our game... postponed. <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': There are no space aliens in a Bumblyburg. ''[Passes by Junior and Fib to Percy, Laura and Lenny confront Junior]'' :'''Laura''': There he is! :'''Junior''': Hi, guys. :'''Fib''': ''[runs into a nearby alleyway]'' Uh, if you need me I'll be over here. :'''Junior''': Huh? ''[he looks to Laura, Lenny and Percy, they argues about Junior's lies in unison]'' :'''Percy''': Lenny says he didn't break the plate. Laura says she didn't break the plate. :'''Laura''': Lies! Lies! :'''Percy''': It's a great, big, ugly lie! :'''Lenny''': Junior! :'''Junior''': No, no, that's not what I said at all. You didn't break the plate, and you didn't break the plate! No. It was these space aliens. They came down, and they grabbed these cows. And they switched brains with the cows. And the cows... with the brains of the space aliens... broke... the plate! ''[Looks at his friends]'' :'''Percy''': Funny. I've just seen that same thing happen in a movie. "Invasion of the Cow Snatchers!" :'''Junior''': You did? :'''Percy''': It's another lie! ''[a sound of thunderous footsteps emerge while Percy talks]'' Nothing but a big... fat... ugly! :'''Junior''': Huh? ''[looks up in fear]'' F-F-F-F-F-Fib?! :'''Fib''': Hi, Junior! ''[he grabs him]'' :'''Junior''': ''[being grabs]'' What are you doing? :'''Fib''': Don't worry, Junior. A little fib couldn't hurt anybody. Right?! ''[Fib cackles]'' <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': Alfred! I'm going to run out of road! Which button is it?! :'''Alfred''': The blue button! Press the blue button! ''[LarryBoy presses the blue button and wipers pop out]'' :'''LarryBoy''': Wipers! :'''Alfred''': ''[stressed out]'' The green button! It's the green 1! ''[LarryBoy hits it and the horn sound off]'' :''[Cut to Percy and Laura]'' :'''Laura''': He's honking. :'''Percy''': It's part of the plan. ''[The LarryMobile is about to hit the water tower]'' :'''LarryBoy''': ''(All I need is one thing; myself!)'' I am going to dies! :'''Alfred''': Stop yelling at me! No yelling! Yell, yell... ''[gets an idea]'' '''''YELLOW!?''''' <hr width=50%> :''[The Fib has captured Junior Asparagus and is prepares to ates LarryBoy]'' :'''The Fib''': Hmmmm... sort of looks like candy. :'''LarryBoy''': No really! It's spandex! It's quite bitter! ALFREEEEED!! :'''Alfred''': I'm gettin' a readin'! :'''LarryBoy''': Alfred!? :'''Alfred''': It looks like...! It looks like...! ''[accidentally unplugs the LarryComputer in panic]'' '''''AAAAAAAHH!!''''' :'''LarryBoy''': ALFRED, '''''NOOOOO!!''''' :'''Alfred''': '''''AAAAAAAHH!!''''' :'''Scooter''': Oh, no! Fib tries to ates LarryBoy! I must saved the LarryBoy! :'''LarryBoy''': ALFRED, WHAT'S HAPPENIN'?! JUNIOR, HELP ME!! :'''Alfred''': '''''AAAAAAAHH!!''''' ''[plugs in the computer and watches it warms ups and yells]'' :'''Scooter''': ''[to Alfred (Archibald Asparagus)]'' Alfred, this is no time for panic! :'''Alfred''': Boot, you transistorized tormentor! '''''BOOOOOT!!!!!!!!''''' :'''Mike''': ''[shocked in panic]'' Junior, get down! :'''LarryBoy''': Good bye, Bumblyburg! ''[gets eaten]'' :'''Alfred''': ''[sees the results]'' It's Junior! It's Junior! Junior can stop the Lie! :'''Junior''': I did it! :'''Fib''': Hm? :'''Junior''': I broke the plate! ''[?]'' <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': '''''I! Am! That! Hero!''''' ==Josh and the Big Wall! (1997/2002/2005/2017)== :''[The defenders of Jericho, played by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from atop the city's great wall]'' :'''Josh (Larry the Cucumber)''': Who are you? :'''Jean-Claude''': Who are we? I think we should ask. Who are ''you''? :'''Josh''': Oh, um... I am Joshua. And these are the children of Israel. :'''Philippe''': Ooh! Hello, children! :'''Jimmy Gourd''': Hi! :'''Philippe''': It was nice to meet you. Now go away! :'''Jean-Claude''': Yes! ''[blows raspberry]'' :'''Josh''': ''[clears throat]'' No, you don't understand. God has given us this land for our new home. So, well... ''you're'' gonna have to leave. :'''Philippe''': ''[laughs]'' Did you hear that, Jean-Claude? The little pickle says ''we'' have to leave! :'''Josh''': I'm a cucumber. :'''Jean-Claude''': ''[laughs]'' That is hilarious! ''[clears throat]'' Let me point something out to you, ''pickle''. We have a wall! :'''Philippe''': Uh-huh. :'''Jean-Claude''': You do not! :'''Philippe''': No! :'''Jean-Claude''': If anyone is to be doing the leaving, it will be ''you''! :'''Philippe''': Oh, that is right! :'''Josh''': Now, listen to me! Our God said that this land was ours, and that all we had to do was follow His directions. So... I'm afraid... if you don't come out, we're gonna have to come in there after you! ''[Jean-Claude and Philippe laugh.]'' :'''Jean-Claude''': I'd like to see you try! You could never get over our giant wall, ''[under breath]'' tiny pickle! :'''Philippe''': Yes, tiny pickle! You are not a mighty dill, you are just a baby gherkin! :'''Josh''': ''[feeling insulted]'' I'm a cucumber! ''[Jean-Claude and Philippe laughed]'' :'''Philippe''': ''[bumps his slushie off the edge]'' Ooh! My slushie! ''[The slushie hits Jimmy on the head. Josh is appalled]'' :'''Jimmy''': Ow!''[frustrated]'' Maybe we should fall back and regroup. <hr width=50%> :''[Discouraged by the giant walls of Jericho, the Israelites discuss plans over a campfire]'' :'''Tom Grape''': That's a big wall! :'''Pa Grape''': This time, I really mean it! We should go back to Egypt. ''[everybody looks at him in disbelief]'' Don't you remember? Snorkeling in the Nile? Three square meals a day? Plenty of exercise? Oh, it was paradise! :'''Tom''': We were in slavery. :'''Pa''': Nothing is perfect. :'''Jimmy''': Listen, kids! That land is rightfully ours! And the only way we're gonna get it is by taking down that wall! Right, Jerry? :'''Jerry Gourd''': Uh, yeah. Th-That's right, Jimmy. :'''Jimmy''': So Jerry and I are gonna put our heads together and come up with a plan... to take down the wall! :'''Jerry''': Yeah! :'''Pa''': They are so aggressive. <hr width=50%> :''[Josh finishes explaining God's directions to the Israelites]'' :'''Jimmy''': So... we're supposed to hop around the city for seven days, blow our little horns, yell, and the walls are just gonna fall down. :'''Josh''': Yep. Those are God's directions. :'''Jimmy''': Well... I'm sure that would work great... if the walls were made out of Jell-O! :'''Jerry''': Ooh! Then we could eat 'em! :'''Pa''': Last call for Egypt! Who's coming with me? :'''Percy Pea''': I will! :'''Scooter Carrot''': Count me in! :'''Jimmy''': Just a minute! I think you'll find our plan a bit more sophisticated. Blowin' horns in the desert isn't gonna do it. What we need is serious firepower. Jerry, the curtain! ''[Jerry uncovers a tarp to reveal a giant rocket; Scooter, Pa, and Tom gasp in amazement]'' Behold our creation: the Wallminator 3000! ''[the Israelites applaud]'' :'''Tom''': How are we clapping? :'''Pa''': I have no idea. <hr width=50%> :'''Tom''': Well, Pa? Do you still want to see the pyramids? :'''Pa''': I've seen the pyramids. Ha! I built the pyramids! Let's go to Jericho! <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': The next day, they all set off again to march around Jericho. Now, God never said it would be easy. No, the people of Jericho hit 'em with everything they had. :'''Jean-Claude''': Fire 1! Fire 2! :'''Bob''': But the Israelites remembered that they were following God's directions and they kept on marching. Six days they marched and nothing could stop them. On the seventh day, just like God had told them, they marched around Jericho seven times while the priests blew their horns. ''[" When the Saints Go Marching In" plays]'' And just like God said, when they finished marching, the priests blew one long blast and then all the people yelled. :'''Israelites''': '''''AAAAARRRUUUGGGHHH!!!!!!''''' :'''Pa Grape''': ''[hacking, birds chirping]'' :'''French Peas''': (chuckling) ''[thud and rumbling]'' '''''AAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!''''' ''[crashing down, gasped]'' :'''Larry''': Hello! My name is Joshua, and God has given us this land! :'''French Peas''': '''''AAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!''''' :'''Bob''': So the Israelites obeyed God and the walls fell down. :'''Junior''': Wow! :'''Bob''': Finally, after 40 years, they were in their new home. :'''Jimmy''': [[Shrek Forever After|Ow! Oh! Boy, did I pick a lousy day to wear my contacts!]] :'''Israelites''': ''["The Promise Land Reprise" plays]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Well, we're out of the time for the today. Remember... :'''Junior''': God Made Your Special and Loves You Very Much. :'''Both''': Bye!? ''[as Junior and Bob leaves the countertop right now roll the credits (Arial Bold Font) with [[Arthur (TV series)|"Nothing But the Music" from Arthur It's Only Rock and Roll watched Arthur on PBS Kids]] and more [[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur songs]] in 2002, the door is opens and closing, Larry appears into the pajamas from Oh Santa in The Toy That Saved Christmas]'' <hr width=50%> :''[post-credits in the countertop; last lines]'' :'''Larry''': ''[singing]'' ? ''[yawns]'' Is it time for the show? ''[the lights and Qwerty's monitor screen turns off]'' Aw, nuts. ''[Again, the credits then roll with "The Promise Land" playing all throughout]'' ===Epilogue (Credits in 2017)=== :'''Annie''': I'm Annie Green Onion, the pictures of Joshua and the Battle of Jerchio. This is a Laura Carrot. :'''Laura''': I'm Laura Carrot. :'''Rosie Grape''': I'm Rosie Grape. :'''Annie''': Book of Joshua. Random ==Madame Blueberry (1998/2002/2006/2013)== :'''Bob''': Larry. How much stuff do you need to be happy? :'''Larry''': I don't know. How much stuff is there? <hr width=50%> :'''Narrator''': And now it's time for ''Silly Songs with Larry'', the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song. :'''Archibald''': ''[off-screen]'' Just a moment! Wait! Stop talking!! ''[Archibald runs out on stage as a bear-trapped Larry stands and watches]'' Excuse me, I have an announcement. Ahem... Because of the high standard we on this show strive to adhere to, and as a result of the disastrous outcome of the previous Silly Song, management has decided to review compositions from other performers for this segment. Several artists were screened and we chose one based on the applicant's sense of artistry and all-around proprietary. Thank you. :'''Larry''': So what are you saying? :'''Archibald''': I'm saying; ''Silly Songs'' is cancelled until further notice. :'''Larry''': ''[blinks in disbelief]'' Oh yeah?! Well, how'm I supposed to get out of this bear trap? :'''Archibald''': I'm sure you'll figure something out. ''[Construction peas move a new title card into view]'' :'''Narrator''': And now it's time for ''Love Songs with Mr. Lunt'', the part of the show where Mr. Lunt comes out and sings a love song. :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[sungs "His Cheeseburger"]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Annie''': ''[sings "The Thankfulness Song"]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Well, that about does it for me! What do you say we head home? :'''Madame Blueberry''': Oh! There are whole aisles we haven't even seen yet! No! I am not leavin' until I have everything I need to be happy! <hr width=50%> :'''Madame Blueberry''': ''[seeing her house about to tip]'' My house! :'''Larry''': It's so stuffed full of stuff, it's getting too heavy for the tree! :'''Bob''': We've gotta stop those deliveries before it's too late! Come on, Larry! Grab a cart! ''[Bob and Madame Blueberry drive 2 respective shopping carts, while Larry is left sitting in a shopping basket.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Annie''': ''[pauses out]'' Pie? <hr width=50%> :''[Bob and Larry are cries]'' :'''Junior''': ''[off-screen]'' Huh?! What’s wrong, Bob and Larry?! Now you looks sobs. :'''Bob''': Oh that was beautiful! :'''Larry''': Hold me Bob!! :'''Bob''': I would if I could, man!? :'''Junior''': Shh! Don't cry. :'''Jean Claude''': Pull yourselves together! :'''Phillipe''': Yes, you have a show to wraps ups! :'''Bob''': Oh, you're right... I'm sorry, where were we?! :'''Larry''': ''[sniffles]'' Madame Blueberry..! :'''Bob and Larry''': ''[cries]'' :'''Junior''': Shh! It’s alright. It’s okay. :'''Jean Claude''': Alright! That does it! ''[Pauses out]'' Cue the music! :'''Phillipe''': Unless, of course, you have any objections... :'''Bob''': No... I don't care... go ahead… :'''Junior''': ''[off-screen]'' We're over here by Qwerty to talk about what we learned today. :'''French Peas''': Hit it! :'''Singers''': ? :'''Junior''': ''[off-screen]'' Well, least things could get any worse. :'''Annie''': ''[off-screen]'' You know how think about learned song. :'''Singers''': ? ==[[w:The End of Silliness?|The End of Silliness?]] == :'''Larry''': ''[after The Thankfulness Song by Annie Green Onion]'' ''[sniffles]'' Yeah. Maybe I should just try to be thankful for the time I ''did'' have with my Silly Songs. ''[sobbing]'' Bye, Silly Songs. ''[voice breaking]'' Nice knowin' ya. ''[tearfully sings]'' It isn't any trouble just to S-M-I-L-E... :'''Jimmy''': Okay, wrong song. Bad timing. <hr width=50%> :'''Jimmy''': Look. Pal. M-Maybe it's none of my business but...why are you so down? You want to tell me what's going on? :'''Archibald''': I'll tell you what's going on! Perhaps ''this'' will clear things up... ''[Archibald and Larry glare at each other for a bit before he selects his song: "His Cheeseburger" from "Madame Blueberry"]'' :'''Larry''': '''''NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!''''' <hr width=50%> :''[Archibald has just confessed to his cancelling of Silly Songs]'' :'''Jimmy''': ''[gasps]'' You don't mean...? :'''Archibald''': Yes! It's my fault! All my fault! I'm the one to blame! :'''Jimmy''': That's despicable. I'd feel that way too if somebody took my songs away. :'''Archibald''': It's just that I was only looking out for the public's best interests. We do have standards to uphold, you know. ''[Jimmy glares]'' Yes, I see. But then I got these! ''[pulls out a stack of signed petitions and reads]'' "We the undersigned believe that Archibald Asparagus should forgive and forget the Song of the Cebu incident and return ''Silly Songs with Larry'' to its original Veggie programming. Signed, 167,512 adoring fans, including, but not limited to, the entire population of Duluth, Minnesota, and even someone in Moose Lake." :'''Larry''': Moose Lake? :'''Archibald''': Yes, Moose Lake. :'''Larry''': Wow... Moose Lake. ==LarryBoy and the Rumor Weed (1999/2002/2006)== :'''LarryBoy''': ''[emerges from shadow]'' I believe you have something that belongs to those boys. :'''Milk Money Bandit (Scallion 3)''': Well I... ''[starts backing up, but comes face-to-face]'' Who are you? :'''LarryBoy''': ''[sternly]'' I'm LarryBoy. :'' (he uses his super suction ear on the Milk Money Bandit and hangs him over the edge)'' :'''Milk Money Bandit''': Ah! Uh, what are you going to do? :'''LarryBoy''': It's not nice to take people's milk money! :''[he turns the Milk Money Bandit upside down]'' :'''Milk Money Bandit''': Hey! Take it easy, fella! Don't get crazy! ''[he starts shaking him]'' HEY! WHOA! Ooh! Aah! Ooh! ''[milk money dropped out of the bandit's pocket and landed back to the peas, and he turns him back up]'' I ain't feeling so good. ''[he starts hopping]'' Hey, hey. Hey! Where are we going? You can't do this! I've got rights! Hey! Hey! :''[Officer Scooter standing in front of the police car, the Milk Money Bandit falls in]'' :'''Scooter''': AAAAAHH! It's another space alien! ''[Milk Money Bandit chuckles nervously]'' Oh, it's the Milk Money Bandit. We've been looking for you for months. Thanks, Larry-Boy. <hr width=50%> :'''The Weed''': ''[sings]'' I'm a rumor weed! I'm a rumor weed! A tiny little story is all I need to make a big mess! I'm a rumor weed! <hr width=50%> :'''Larry''': ''[he sees the Weed on the flowerbed]'' Hey! You're a weed! :'''The Weed''': That's right, but did you hear about Alfred? :'''Larry''': Oh, Alfred's gonna be mad! He hates weeds in his flowerbed! :'''The Weed''': Yeah, but, did you hear about Alfred? :'''Larry''': You better get out of here, before Alfred comes back! :'''The Weed''': You're not listening to me! Did you hear... Ugh. :'''Alfred''': ''[off-screen]'' Master Larry! It's the Mayor! She says it's urgent! :'''Larry''': I'll be right there! ''[to The Weed]'' I gotta go. Hold that thought. <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': Okay. I can do this. I am... after all... a superhero! ''[then he notices the Weed sitting]'' Oh, look! It's just a little one! ''[he hops over to the Weed]'' What was I so nervous about? You've met your match, Weed! I'm gonna take you, and I'm gonna... :''[The Mother Weed reveals herself behind him. LarryBoy looks up and gets scared.]'' :'''LarryBoy''': '''''Mother!''''' <hr width=50%> :'''Alfred''': ''[stops beside Scooter's police car]'' Oh, yes! Officer, I need your help! LarryBoy is battling a giant weed in the sewer system... :'''Scooter''': Aah! The robot! ''[he starts engine and drives away]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Alfred''': I'm not a robot, I'm... British! <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': I'm warning you! I'm a super...! ''[gets thrown against the wall]'' ...hero. :'''Mother Weed''': Face it! You can't stop this weed; thanks to your friends out there, I'm getting bigger by the minute! HahahahahaMWAHAHAHA! :'''The Weed''': Soooo, did you hear the one about Alfred? :'''LarryBoy''': What? <hr width=50%> :'''Alfred''': I'm not shaking anything! It's shaking me! ''[the ground shakes harder and harder until, all of a sudden, the Mother Weed bursts out of the sewer]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!''''' ''(Alfred tries to run but the mother weed grabs him. Then she wraps herself around the City Hall as everyone watches her holding Alfred)'' <hr width=50%> :'''Crowd''': What a nice man! ''(The Mother Weed looks at Alfred, and when nice words are spread, Alfred smiles and they both look down at everyone. Suddenly the ground starts to shake from under the mother weed as everyone backs away from the weed. Due to all the kind things said by all the city folk, more flowers sprout all over the weed until her head becomes a flower, defeating her for good.)'' :'''Alfred''': '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!''''' ''(Alfred is shown sliding down the stem and lands safely)'' :'''Mayor Blueberry''': We're sorry for thinking that you were a robot. :'''Mr. Nezzer''': We didn't even ask you if it was true! :'''Alfred''': Oh, I forgive you... I forgive you all! ''[looks around]'' Has anybody seen LarryBoy? :''[A beat-up LarryBoy drags himself out of the sewers by his plunger-ears]'' :'''LarryBoy''': Hey, Alfred... everyone... someone was telling me that you were a robot- ''[Everybody shushes him loudly]'' Is there a flower show? ''(Everyone laughs, thinking he was joking, as the camera cuts to a frontal aerial view of the building where the Rumor Weed wrapped herself, as the camera pans around it and a flower flies around. The flower comes closer and closer to the screen as the score concludes)'' ==King George and the Ducky== :'''Jerry''': You want a piece of me?! <hr width=50%> :'''King George (Larry)''': We did it! Oh now, now, now I'm happy! <hr width=50%> :'''King George''': What's that? :'''Melvin (Pa Grape)''': Its a flannelgraph, to illustrate. :'''George and Louis (Bob)''': Ooh! Flannelgraph! ==Esther...The Girl Who Became Queen== :''[Haman (Mr. Lunt) wakes up Queen Vashti in the middle of the night.]'' :'''Queen Vashti''': Oh... Who is it? :'''Haman''': Um... Uh, Your Highness, ah... The king was wondering if you could make him a sandwich. :'''Queen Vashti''': It's three o'clock in the morning. :'''Haman''': Ah... Yeah. But, uh, he says that he's the king, and whatever he says goes. :'''Queen Vashti''': Well, I'm the queen, and the king can make his own sandwich. :'''Haman''': Okay. :''[Haman throws Queen Vashti out of the castle.]'' :'''Queen Vashti''': ''[angrily]'' You can't do this to me! I'm the queen! :'''Haman''': Oh, yeah? ''[throws her luggage at her]'' The king can do whatever he wants! He's the king! And don't come back! :'''King Xerxes (Mr. Nezzer)''': Don't you think that might have been a little harsh? :'''Haman''': Oh, no way. If she got away with that, no one would listen to you. :'''King Xerxes''': Well, what am I gonna do now? :'''Haman''': It looks like we're going to have to find you a new queen. :'''King Xerxes''': Hmm... Make me a sandwich. <hr width=50%> :'''Haman''': You know, we both work for the king, but compared to me, you are a g-nat. :'''Mordecai (Pa Grape)''': It's a "G". Silent. It's "nat". :'''Haman''': Are you calling me a g-nat?! :'''Mordecai''': No. Just correctin' your pronunciation. :'''Haman''': ARE YOU CALLING ME ''STUPID?!'' :'''Mordecai''': Uh, no? :'''Haman''': You get in the wagon! You, bow to me! :'''Mordecai (Pa Grape)''': Uh, no! :'''Haman''': Bow! :'''Mordecai''': No! :'''Haman''': BOW! :'''Mordecai''': NO! I bow to no one except my God and my king! <hr width=50%> :'''Haman''': What should the punishment be for these two dangerous criminals, the most wanted peas in Persia, who appeared before you uninvited and tried to drop a piano on your head? :'''King Xerxes''': Well... Uh, let's see. It probably should be pretty stiff, huh? What do ''you'' think? :'''Haman''': I say, the punishment should be... ''Banishment to the Island of Perpetual Tickling!'' :''[Markus (Larry), Mordecai, Esther, and Xerxes are all shocked.]'' :'''Teresh''': You don't mean... :'''Bigthen''': ...the island where you are tickled day and night?! :'''Teresh''': Night and day?! :'''Bigthen''': Without stop?! :'''Teresh''': Not even if you say '''''"pretty please"?!?''''' :'''Bigthen and Teresh''': '''''AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!''''' :''[The Grim Tickler played by Annie Onion enters the room, and tickles the Peaoni Brothers with his large feather as he takes them away to the Island of Perpetual Tickling.]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Mordecai is walking when he spots the edict ordering him to be banished]'' :'''Mordecai''': Huh? What's this? ''[reads the edict]'' OY! ''[grabs the edict and runs back to the palace]'' '''''ESSIE!''''' ESSIE! ESSIE! :'''Esther''': Cousin Mordecai? What is it? :'''Mordecai''': Oh, he's done it! He's finally done it! :'''Esther''': Who? Done what? :'''Mordecai''': Look! ''[shows Esther the edict]'' :'''Esther''': What's this? :'''Mordecai''': It's an edict! In just a few days, all of us, our whole family, will be sent to the Island of Perpetual Tickling! :'''Esther''': What?! Who... Who did this? :'''Mordecai''': Oh, who do you think? Haman! I told you he hates us! Hates our whole family! And-and now he's done it! He got the King to sign this, and-and we'll all be banished! <hr width=50%> :'''King Xerxes (Mr. Nezzer)''': ''[Haman (Mr. Lunt) squeals, gasps, furiously]'' You had me banished the man who saved my life ''and my own queen?! [Haman (Mr. Lunt) squeals again]'' For your punishment Haman, you are to be sent to The Island of Perpetual Tickling, along with anyone else who dares scheme against my queen & her family! :''(The Grim Tickler slams the door open to Esther's home, going towards Haman.)'' :'''Haman''': [[A Streetcar Named Desire (1951 film)|'''''NOOOOOOO!!!!''''']] (The Grim Tickler tickles Haman with his feather and Haman laughs as he is tickled out the door, just like with the Peaoni Brothers.) (While laughing) Oh no, ple-he-he-ase stop it! Please sto-ha-ha-hap! Ha-ha, you're killin' me, ha! Ha-ha-pretty please? :'''Narrator''': So Haman got what was coming to him, and then some. And Mordecai, this is my favorite part, (Markus gives Mordecai a paper) he got Haman's old job. The number two guy in the whole kingdom! Not bad. ==Lyle the Kindly Viking== :'''Omelet (Jimmy Gourd)''': But soft, 'tis Ophelia. ''[no response; Omelet repeats with emphasis]'' But soft! Tis Ophelia! :'''Mr. Lunt''': ''[from off-stage, wearing a pink dress]'' But I don't wanna do it! It's embarrassing! :'''Arcibald Asparagus''': Don't be ridiculous! It's tradition! In Shakespeare's day, all the women's roles were played by men! ''[shoves Lunt out onto the stage]'' :'''Mr. Lunt''': I think we're gonna get letters about this... ''[in character]'' 'Tis I, the fair Ophelia. :'''Omelet (Jimmy Gourd)''': Random <hr width=50%> :'''Omelet''': To eat or not to eat, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to share my eggs cooked light and fluffy, or to scarf down the whole thing myself. To share, or not to share. <hr width=50%> :'''Percy Pea''': You guess where my [[w:Battleship (game)|ships]] are. :'''Omelet (Jimmy Gourd)''': 2B? :'''Percy Pea''': Not 2B. :'''Omelet''': Drat. Uh your turn. <hr width=50%> :'''Sven''': ''[sings]'' You guys go ahead. We'll catch uuuuuuuuup! :'''Otar''': Uh, Sven? You don't have to sing. :'''Sven''': ''[sings]'' But it's a muuuuuusicaaaaaaal! :'''Otar''': Yeah, I know, but you don't have to sing every line in a musical. Talking's okay too. <hr width=50%> :'''Sven''': ''[sings]'' If Olaf finds ooouuuttt, you'll be in biiiig troooouuuuubllllle! :'''Otar''': Uh, you can just talk. <hr width=50%> :'''Olaf (Mr. Nezzer)''': ''[as the storm rolls in]'' Why, that little viking is in '''''big''''' trouble! ''[Random; sings]'' What do you think you're doing? :'''Lyle (Junior)''': I was... :'''Olaf''': ''[sings]'' Giving them stuff back?! :'''Lyle''': Um, yeah? :'''Olaf''': ''[sings]'' Now, there's a storm a-brewing and you're the one that's under attack! <hr width=50%> :'''Pa Monk''': ''[after he sees Lyle pummeled in by big waves]'' Aahh! Lyle's in trouble! We gotta help him. Where's the life ring? :'''Pea Monk''': Right there. :'''Pa Monk''': Hang on, Lyle! ''[throws]'' Help is on the way! ''[notices life ring still there besides him]'' Huh? What did I throw? :''[Pa has thrown the pea monk, who screams as he flies into the ocean.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Sven (Larry)''': ''[sings]'' I need to go to the baaaaaathrooooooom! :'''Otar (Bob)''': Uh Sven, you can stop singing now. :'''Sven''': Oh. Right. ==The Star of Christmas== :''[Cavis (Bob) and Millward (Larry) have accidentally woken up Moyer (Scooter).]'' :'''Moyer''': Hey! You there! What do you think you're doin'?! ''[sees that Millward is holding the star's box; gasps]'' The star! ''[Millward hides the box behind his back]'' Alright! ''NOW'' I'M ANGRY! :'''Millward''': It's Moyer the Destroyer! :'''Cavis''': Run, Millward! :'''Millward''': I'm way ahead of you, Cavis! :'''Moyer''': Get back here, you chicken-hearted hooligans! :'''Cavis''': See ya, Moyer the Destroyer! <hr width=50%> :'''Millward''': Cavis, are you okay? You fell down, and then you fell up! Speak to me! :'''Cavis''': Hey, why didn't I see that before? It leads all the way to that window! Okay, Millward. Start climbing! :'''Millward''': What? Why do I have to go first? :'''Cavis''': Would you rather stay down here with ''Moyer the Destroyer''? :'''Millward''': ''[starts climbing up the ladder]'' I'm on my way. :'''Moyer''': Don't even ''THINK'' you can get away! You're trapped like a bug in the queen's sticky buns! :'''Cavis''': ''[climbing the ladder]'' Millward, keep climbing! :'''Millward''': He's getting close, Cavis! :'''Cavis''': No! Don't lean back, Millward! :'''Millward''': He's gettin' '''real''' close, Cavis! :''[Millward leans back, tipping the ladder back.]'' :'''Moyer''': You're trapped like a dog hanging onto a big, juicy steak that has itself... somehow... become trapped... in some way... :'''Cavis''': MILLWARD! :'''Cavis and Millward''': '''''AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!''''' :''[Cavis and Millward crash out of the window and scream as they fall through the air.]'' :'''Laundry Person (Scallion #3)''': Why does everyone want their laundry picked up at night, all of a sudden? :''[After he leaves his laundry cart behind, Cavis and Millward land into it.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Millward''': Seymour, remember how you promised I could take the rocket car for a ride sometime? :'''Seymour (Pa Grape)''': Uh, yeah? :'''Millward''': It's time! ==The Ballad of Little Joe== :'''Little Joe (Larry)''': Okay. No, I still don't see anything. :'''Jude (Jean Claude)''': Well then, how about... '''''NOW'''''!?! :'''Little Joe''': ''[gets pushed, and falls into the mineshaft]'' WHOA!!!! <hr width=50%> :'''Little Joe (Larry)''': Hey! Desperados! You better come to your senses! ''[muffling]'' :'''Jude (Jean Claude)''': Happy trails, dreamer! ''[all the peas laughing]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Baker and Blacksmith (Jimmy and Jerry Gourd)''': ''[mumbles in sleep]'' :'''Baker (Jimmy Gourd)''': ''[mumbles]'' Oh, I'm bad. No! Get away!? :'''Baker and Blacksmith (Jimmy and Jerry Gourd)''': ''[Wakes up, screams, cut in the roasts hot dog Prospector and Candace played by Charlie Pincher and Annie Onion plays the guitar, the avalanche of dodgeballs rains down]'' :'''Candace (Annie Onion)''': Look out the dodgeballs, Prospector! Phew! That was close. :'''Baker (Jimmy Gourd)''': A-And that's when I woke up screamin'! What does my dream mean Joe?! <hr width=50%> :'''Banker (Archibald Asparagus)''': Ah, anyone here? Oh, yes, dear Baker. I have wonderful news! The Mayor has given you a full pardon. He wants you to resume your duties immediately! :'''Slave Master (Scallion 1)''': And I'm extending an invitation to you, Mr. Blacksmith to join my chain gang up the river! ''[he laughs an evil laugh and Blacksmith gets terrifies, then all exits the scene]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Mayor (Mr. Nezzer)''': ''[mumbling in sleep, screams, the avalanche of dodgeballs rains down again]'' It was horrible! Just horrible! And it was so real, like it was really happening!? :'''Banker''': Oh, that's sounds dreadful! At any rate, as I was saying about our bank- :'''Mayor''': But what can it mean?! Is there anyone in Dodgeball City who can interpret dreams?! <hr width=50%> :'''Mayor''': Right, well He'll better, or I'll put you back in that jail and you'll never get out. ''[?]'' Let's get started. Earlier today, I had the strangest dreams. ''[sings]'' Seven cows sat on a hill, so big and fat. I got my grill. ''I was thinking about a BBQ.'' Then seven scrawny ones came along and GULP..The big fat cows were gone. <hr width=50%> :'''Mayor''': You did it, Little Joe. He saved the town! <hr width=50%> :'''Little Joe (Larry)''': Yeah... ==An Easter Carol (2003)== :'''Millward (Larry)''': Is that one supposed to be me? Because I'm not that fat. <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Its a bug! A big bug! :'''Hope''': Do I look like a bug to you? <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Nezzer''': ''[after looking at the clock]'' Yep, I'm just going to stay awake. I'm not tired at all. I'm just going to stay wiiidddee....''[snores]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Here we go! 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1... Hit it!? :'''Cavis (Bob)''': '''''AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!''''' :'''Mr. Nezzer and Cavis''': '''''AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!''''' :'''Mr. Nezzer''': Whew! We made it! ==A Snoodle's Tale== :'''Butterbun (Scooter the Carrot)''': Your special just the way God made you. <hr width=50%> :'''God''': And lastly your wings. You know what they're for. But not just to fly, son. I want you to soar! ==Sumo of the Opera== :'''Larry''': ''[singing]'' Whether whether whether whether, whether you like it or not. Weather weather weather weather, weather is cold warm and hot. <hr width=50%> :'''St. Patrick''': So you see, God is like a shamrock. :'''People''': Oh great shamrock, you are powerful :'''St. Patrick''': No no no! This is simply a metaphor. :'''People''': Oh great metaphor.... :'''St. Patrick''': No no no no! God is like a shamrock. Because He is God the father, God the son and God the holy ghost. One God, three persons. <hr width=50%> :''[Telephone [[w:Busy signal|busy signal]] sound effect coming from Bob's phone]'' :'''Woman's voice on recording''': If you'd like to make a call please hang up and try again. If you need help hang up and then dial your operator. :'''Bob''': Larry? Larry! Oh no, he must have ran out of quarters. <hr width=50%> :''[after Qwerty steamed up and broke down]'' :'''Bob''': What happened?! :'''Larry''': Qwerty! You okay?! :'''Lutfi''': ''[pops up]'' Sorry. :'''Bob''': Lutfi, what did you do?! :'''Lutfi''': Lutfi fits into tiny places. :'''Bob''': You killed Qwerty! :'''Lutfi''': Oh, no, I did not kill him. I just made him sputter in smoke, but there is a difference. :'''Bob''': Well, we're gonna have to get him repaired and we need a verse now! What are we gonna do? :'''Lutfi''': Lutfi might be teensy weensy, but he is a great big helper who knows his scripture memory verses! :'''Larry''': Memory verses? :'''Lutfi''': Oh, yes. ==Duke and the Great Pie War (2004)== :'''Petunia''': Whoops, ''[laughs]'' missed the door. :'''Duke (Larry)''': Bye, I got my hat now. <hr width=50%> :'''Otis''': You are lucky Duke, but watch out for yourself this time! :'''Duke''': No Otis! I'm going to look out for someone else first! That's true love! :'''Otis''': That's crazy! <hr width=50%> :'''Otis''': Ahh! I can't see! ''[Because of this, he gets hit in the face by Duke's pie, sending him flying off his horse and across the field.]'' Maammaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!! ''[He lands with a thud. A surprised Novak watches as the crowd cheers for Duke.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Duke''': We'll be family, Petunia. And I'll take care of you forever. :'''Petunia''': ''[giggles]'' Family? Forever? ==Minnesota Cuke and the Search for Samson's Hairbrush== :'''Percy Pea''': ''[to Lil' Pea, after Gourdon threatens to pound the kids]'' Have ''you'' ever been pounded? :'''Lil' Pea''': A cousin of mine was. He's soup now. :'''Gourdon''': Ha-ha-ha! Bye-bye, Junior! Hahahaha! ''[?]'' :'''Annie''': ? <hr width=50%> :'''Gourdon''': Aw, this is lame. I don't even like this lousy, old playground. I'm going home to play video games. <hr width=50%> :'''Minnesota (Larry)''': First, a chocolate Malta. :'''Julia (Petunia)''': Malt. :'''Minnesota''': Right. Chocolate. :'''Julia''': No, it's malt. Not Malta. :'''Minnesota''': What? :'''Julia''': Malt is a desert, Malta is an island. :'''Minnesota''': But with an Italian accent, they're both the same. <hr width=50%> :'''Minnesota''': ''[calling Martin (Bob)]'' Martin? Martin? :'''Martin''': I'm here, Cuke! What's wrong? Did you get a haircut? :'''Minnesota''': Never mind that! Where's the park guy? :'''Martin''': Huh? He was here a second ago. I guess he slipped out. Tell me! What's going on? :'''Minnesota''': Good, he wouldn't want to hear this anyway. It's bad news, Martin. :'''Martin''': Would you just tell me already? :'''Minnesota''': He was here, Martin! And he's after the brush! :'''Martin''': Who? :'''Minnesota''': Professor Rattan! :'''Martin''': Okay. Now, don't panic, Minnesota. Remember, he's a bully. We can deal with him. :'''Minnesota''': Just a bully?! He's more than that! He's my '''''enemy!''''' :'''Martin''': Calm down. The Bible says we should love our enemies. :'''Minnesota''': Love?! Love our enemies?! :'''Martin''': Everybody can't go around all the time trying to get even. That would leave the whole world in a mess. Let's just figure out what to do next. :'''Minnesota''': I'll tell you what we're gonna do, Martin. I'm gonna get that brush first, and I'm gonna use its power to defeat all the bullies in the world! I'm gonna teach them a lesson they'll never forget! :'''Martin''': But, Minnesota! :'''Minnesota''': See ya in the funny papers, Martin. ''[belief pauses]'' Alright, where is catacombs?! ==Lord of the Beans== :'''Billboy (Archibald)''': Today is my twelvety-twoth birthday. 122 years is too short a time to live among such fine folk. I'm twice as tall as half of you and half as short as twice of you. <hr width=50%> :'''Ahem (Mr. Lunt)''': ''[as he chases Toto (Junior) for the bean]'' It's mine, I tell you! It's mine! Give it to me! Give it back! <hr width=50%> : '''Toto''': Randalf! I know why the elders sent me here! They want me to help! : ''[Scaryman (Scallion #1) captures Toto and puts his sword in front of him.]'' : '''Scaryman''': Good thought, but wrong! : '''Randalf (Mr. Nezzer)''': Scaryman! : '''Scaryman''': The elders sent you here because I ''told'' them to. : '''Randalf''': What? : '''Toto''': What? : '''Scaryman''': Everyone has something they're sure they can't live without. ''[looks at the Fellowship]'' For some, it's fame or fortune, ''[looks at Ahem]'' for others, a life of ease. For a certain ancient tree, it happens to be jewels, something of which I have in abundance. : '''Randalf''': You ''bribed'' them? : '''Scaryman''': Yes. They got what they want, and I get what ''I'' want. Ha! Use your gift to help people, how quaint! I hope you've learned your lesson, boy. Life is short. If you have a gift, use it for yourself before you've lost it and it's too late. : ''[Scaryman pushes Toto aside and takes the bean.]'' : '''Scaryman''': Ha! Too late! ''[laughs evilly]'' : '''Billboy''': You're wrong, Scaryman! : '''Scaryman''': What? Who said that? : '''Billboy''': You're wrong, Scaryman! : '''Scaryman''': Who- Show yourself! Where are you? : ''[Billboy charges at Scaryman and knocks him to the ground. He catches the bean.]'' : '''Toto''': Uncle Billboy! : '''Randalf''': Billboy? : '''Billboy''': Hello, Toto! : ''[[Scaryman tries to reach for his sword, but Ear-A-Corn (Larry) blocks it from him.]'' : '''Ear-A-Corn''': Not so fast, scary guy! : '''Scaryman''': Sporks, save me! : ''[The Other Elf (Jerry), who's with the sporks, shakes his head.]'' : '''Spork''': Cookie man say no! : '''Scaryman''': Oh, bother. <hr width=50%> :'''Toto (Junior)''': I want to fix this land! ==Sheerluck Holmes and the Golden Ruler (2005/2010/2012/2017)== :'''Don Quixote (Archibald Asparagus)''': ''[WAKES UP]'' NOOOOO!! ''[pauses out via [[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]] 1996-2022]'' :'''Junior''': Oh, no! It's burgers! :'''Annie''': Don, are you alright?! :'''Laura''': What happened?! :'''Junior''': It’s just a bad dream. It was waking me into the nightmares or something. <hr width=50%> :'''Don Quixote (Archibald)''': Not quite. :'''Pancho (Mr. Lunt)''': Insufferable? :'''Don Quixote (Archibald)''': No. :'''Pancho (Mr. Lunt)''': Objectionable?! Hideous?! Malodorous?! :'''Don Quixote (Archibald)''': Pancho, I believe I just had the impossible dream. ''([[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur Reviews on PBS Kids]])'' :'''[[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]''': Everybody's story's gonna be better than mine. Hic! :'''[[Arthur (TV series)|Jane]]''': Your clock is working perfectly. Go back to your room. ''(back in the presented day in The Asparagus of LaMancha)'' :'''Pancho (Mr. Lunt)''': Just by definition, wouldn't that be... impossible? Maybe you just had a difficult dream. (Don folds up his bed) Or perhaps an impossibly strenuous dream. Or even... <hr width=50%> :'''Trout (Mr. Nezzer)''': Move along! :'''Spud (Mr. Lunt)''': Nothing to see here. <hr width=50%> :'''Scooter''': Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Holmes. But the Golden Ruler has been stolen! :''[Sheerluck Holmes (Larry) can't understand his accent.]'' :'''Sheerluck''': What? :'''Scooter''': I said, sorry to interrupt, but the Golden Ruler has been stolen! :'''Sheerluck''': What language are you speaking? :'''Maid''': Say! I speak Scottish! He says someone's golden hula is swollen. :'''Jimmy''': No. He said the goat and jeweler are out strollin'. :'''Sheerluck''': See, I thought I was hearing something about Samoans. :'''Maid''': Perhaps coats and stools all go bowling. :'''Jimmy''': Folding scooters have been rolling? :'''Scooter''': '''''THE... GOLDEN... RULER... HAS BEEN.... STOLEN!''''' :'''All''': Ohhh...! ==LarryBoy and the Bad Apple== :'''LarryBoy''': Remember kid. With great chocolate comes great responsibility. <hr width=50%> :'''LarryBoy''': There's nothing wrong with playing video games, but you let this video game play you. :'''Petunia''': I know! I want out! ==Gideon: Tuba Warrior== :'''Gideon (Larry)''': I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK! :'''Angle (Pa Grape)''': To tell you the truth, so am I. :'''Gideon''': ''[in high-pitched voice]'' I scream like a girl. <hr width=50%> :'''Bob''': Wiggle Turtle Tubies? They look taller on TV. :'''Pea''': So do you, tomato! ==Moe and the Big Exit (2006)== :'''Moe (Larry)''': High ho sliver away! :'''Aaron (Archibald)''': Let my people go! <hr width=50%> :'''Narrator''': Some matches are made in phosphorus factories, while others are made in heaven. Either way, it all starts with a little chemistry. <hr width=50%> :'''Bill (Sheriff's Guards)''': Heh, Yeah right... :'''Moe (Larry)''': I got it! I'll save you, unbelievable! :'''Bill (Sheriff's Guards)''': Oof... '''''AHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' ''[splash, gasps, coughs]'' ==Bob's Vacation from God Made You Special (2007)== Random ==The Wonderful Wizard of Ha's== :'''Darby (Junior)''': Is there anything really dangerous in these woods? :'''Scarecrow (Mr. Lunt)''': A friend of mine was in these woods, and he says he saw a fella from Toledo. :'''Tin Man (Larry)''': You mean, an Ohioan? :'''Scarecrow''': Yep. :'''Tin Man''': Well, my uncle said he saw one of those guys who play that little flute in the army. :'''Scarecrow''': ''[gasp]'' A fifer? :'''Tin Man''': Uh-huh. :'''Scarecrow''': Oh, boy. Not to make matters worse, but I met a fella who knew a guy who says he saw... a mommy horse. :'''Darby''': ''[gasps]'' :'''Scarecrow''': Ohioans. :'''Tin Man''': And fifers. :'''Scarecrow''': And mares. :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow''': Ohioans. :'''Tin Man''': And fifers. :'''Scarecrow''': And mares. :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! :'''Darby''': Oh, my! :'''Scarecrow and Tin Man''': Ohioans, and fifers, and- :''[A lion (Pa Grape) roars, then barks like a dog. Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming in panic.]'' :'''Tin Man''': IT'S AN OHIOAN! :''[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby bump into each other and fall.]'' :'''Lion''': Uh no, that's "lion". :'''Tin Man''': Oh, lion. ''[gasps]'' Lion?! :''[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming again.]'' :'''Lion''': Oh, stop! I'm not trying to scare ya. I'm just hungry! :'''Tin Man''': A '''''hungry''''' lion?! :''[Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming again.]'' :'''Lion''': No no! I'm not gonna eat you. I'm just having fun with you. On the count of being so bored. ==Tomato Sawyer and Huckleberry Larry's Big River Rescue== :'''Little Jimmy''': ''[looking at a record album of "Mama Belle and Little Jimmy"]'' Mama! :'''Tom (Bob)''': That's your mama? :'''Little Jimmy''': And me! Little Jimmy! :'''Huck (Larry)''': That's you? :''[Tom & Huck look at Jimmy seeing he is big now]'' :'''Little Jimmy''': I grew. <hr width=50%> :''[Huck is exploring the town of Muscatine.]'' :'''Huck''': ''[to himself]'' Wow, what a great town. This place has got it all. Friendly town people, shopping, baby with a signal flare... Huh? :''[Huck looks and sees that there is, in fact, a baby with a signal flare. Observing further, he sees that everyone in the town has a signal flare. To make matters worse, Huck spots a big "WANTED" billboard for Little Jimmy.]'' :'''Huck''': Ahhh! ''[he backs away from the billboard, only to bump into a policeman]'' Excuse me. ''[the policeman turns to Huck, revealing he has a signal flare, too; Huck backs up, and knocks over an n entire cart of signal flares]'' Oh! Really sorry about that! :''[Huck bumps into the old man he met from earlier.]'' :'''Huck''': Excuse me. :'''Old Man''': Hey, is there somethin’ I can help you with, Sonny? :''[He adjusts his hat with a signal flare. Huck sees it, screams, and runs away frightened, catching the baby’s attention. Cut to Tom and Little Jimmy on the dock.]'' :'''Tom''': You play any football in high school? You got the size for it. :'''Little Jimmy''': No. I was in musicals. :'''Tom''': Really? :''[Huck comes rushing toward them.]'' :'''Huck''': Tom! T-Tom! :''[The baby suddenly spots Little Jimmy, and starts crying loudly as he whacks against his carriage.]'' :'''Huck''': TOM! Whoa! :''[Huck collides with Tom and Little Jimmy, and the three tumble down the stairs back onto the raft. The baby stops fussing and looks at his signal flare.]'' :'''Huck''': ''[grabs the paddle]'' We gotta get outta here! ''[pushes the raft away from the dock]'' :'''Tom''': W-What are you doing? Huck?!? What’s going on?! :'''Huck''': '''''BEWARE THE BABIES!''''' :''[A signal flare shoots into the sky with a loud whistle and explodes into a firework. The baby laughs. Huck looks up in horror.]'' :'''Little Jimmy''': Oooh...pretty. :'''Tom''': Eh-hehh... eh, maybe no one noticed… :''[He was wrong. Everyone else in the town starts firing their signal flares into the sky, making it look like a fireworks show.]'' :'''Huck''': ''[paddling faster]'' They all know about Jim! The posters are everywhere! Even the ''babies'' have signal flares! :'''Tom''': The babies? :'''Huck''': Yeah, Tom! The '''''babies!''''' <hr width=50%> :'''Tom''': Who's that guy? :'''Huck''': I think it was [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel Sanders]]. <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Lunt''': Personally, I found the book riveting, full of flawed characters and classic American humor. ==Pistachio – The Little Boy That Woodn't (2009)== :'''Confetti the Fox (Scallion #1)''': For a thousand gold coins, here is question number three: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? :'''Pistachio (Junior)''': Huh? I don't know that! Nobody knows that! :'''Confetti''': Then you shouldn't have risked ''everything''. :''[Charlie Pincher pulls a lever that sends Pistachio down the rollercoaster, and onto the catapult.]'' :'''Pistachio''': But... But you said you wouldn't steer me wrong! :'''Confetti''': No. We said "''Why'' would we steer you wrong?", and the answer is... Five. Gold. Coins. :''[Charlie pushes the lever that makes the catapult fling Pistachio into the ocean.]'' :'''Pistachio''': ''[screams]'' :'''Confetti, Purina the Cat (Scallion #2), and Charlie''': ''[laugh]'' :'''Purina''': High five! :'''Confetti''': No hands, numbskull. <hr width=50%> :'''Carrot''': Oh, hey there, cricket! :'''Khalil''': I am not a cricket! I am a caterpillar! :'''Carrot''': Silly cricket. :'''Pistachio''': Huh? Cricket!? :'''Khalil''': I am not a- Pistachio! You are alive! :'''Pistachio''': I'm looking for Gelato! :'''Khalil''': Me too! That's why I left home by myself in this big, mean caterpillar-eating world! :'''Pistachio''': I don't eat caterpillars. :'''Khalil''': Good. I hear we are quite tasty. :'''Pistachio''': Who's with the ducklings? :'''Khalil''': Oh. A good friend is helping me out. :''[Madame Blueberry is looking after the ducklings.]'' :'''Madame Blueberry''': No, I'm a ''blueberry''. But I get that all the time. :'''Duckling''': Quack? :'''Madame Blueberry''': No, I never played [[W:Monopoly (game)|Monopoly]], but I'll give it a go. <hr width=50%> :'''Pistachio''': Where's all the food? :'''Gelato (Larry)''': Oh, we've got plenty of food! :'''Dorito''': Hey, guys? We're out of food. ''[pauses]'' :'''Espresso''': (Oh, no!) WE'RE GONNA DIED!!! ''[Everyone screams and panics.]'' :'''Khalil''': WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE! ==The Little Drummer Boy (2010)== Random ==Robin Good and His Not So Merry Man (2011/2016)== Random ==The First Annie Onion X Dialog Carrot Ever (2012)== :'''Annie''': ''[sings "Wheels on the Bus" while playing the guitar]'' :'''Junior''': Whoa! That song so crazy! ''[he covers the pillow with Laura]'' :'''Laura''': That earplugs to them! ==See Also== {{Wikipedia}} *[[Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie]] *[[The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie]] [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Cancelled shows‎]] [[Special:Contributions/2600:6C5E:59F0:1070:B8AE:638C:9D0:C377|2600:6C5E:59F0:1070:B8AE:638C:9D0:C377]] 19:48, 7 February 2024 (UTC) qmo95v3zph7n0fe46pyz813yjco5qum 0 159225 3949257 3928406 2026-06-05T15:41:57Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949257 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Rick and Morty (season 1)|1]] [[Rick and Morty (season 2)|2]] [[Rick and Morty (season 3)|3]] [[Rick and Morty (season 4)|4]] [[Rick and Morty (season 5)|5]] [[Rick and Morty (season 6)|6]] | [[Rick and Morty|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Rick and Morty|Rick and Morty]]''''' (2013–present) is an American adult animated science-fiction sitcom created by Justin Roiland and Dan Harmon for Adult Swim. The series follows the misadventures of the cynical mad scientist, Rick Sanchez, and his fretful and easily influenced grandson, Morty Smith, who split their time between domestic family life and interdimensional adventures. == Seasons == ::[[Rick and Morty (season 1)|Season 1]] ::[[Rick and Morty (season 2)|Season 2]] ::[[Rick and Morty (season 3)|Season 3]] ::[[Rick and Morty (season 4)|Season 4]] ::[[Rick and Morty (season 5)|Season 5]] ::[[Rick and Morty (season 6)|Season 6]] ::[[Rick and Morty (season 7)|Season 7]] ==Special== ===''Bushworld Adventures''=== :''[Rick and Morty meet the giant coach potato Uncle Barry watching the match]'' :'''Uncle Barry''': Kick the ball! Kick the bloody ball! :'''Rick''': Uncle Barry? :'''Uncle Barry''': Yeah, mate. That's me. And who am I speaking to? :'''Rick''': Name's Rick. Dougie sent me. ''[Uncle Barry points suspiciously at Rick]'' :'''Uncle Barry''': Look, I don't know who you are, but you look like a top bloke. And I know this is weird to say, but I feel a strong bond between us. :'''Rick''': Yeah, I don't know what it is. I-I've only met you for like fifteen seconds, but it feels like fifteen years. :'''Uncle Barry''': Grab a fucking stubby, mate. ''[points at Rick]'' You're a damn legend! ''[shouts out]'' Charlene, bring our ripper legends some stubbies and a pack of menthols! :'''Rick''': ''[stoned]'' Sii-ck. <hr width=50% /> :''[after Ute Uncle Barry drops Rick and Morty off in the barren land of Bendigo]'' :'''Rick''': Ahhh, Bendigo. Beautiful Bendigo. :'''Morty''': Yeah... Bendigo. :'''Rick''': ''[pleasing sigh]'' What do ya see round here, Morty? ''[Morty looks around]'' :'''Morty''': I see... trees, scrubs... N-nothing, really. :'''Rick''': ''[pause]'' So? Where's the cube? ''[Morty pauses for a long beat]'' :'''Morty''': I don't know, you're the one who said it was in Bendigo. :'''Rick''': What the fuck are you talkin' about, Morty? I never said that. :'''Morty''': What do you mean? Why are we here, then? :'''Rick''': I don't know. I was following you, Morty. ==See also== * [[Last words in Rick and Morty|Last words in ''Rick and Morty'']] == Cast == * Rick Sanchez – [[w:Justin Roiland|Justin Roiland]] (seasons 1-6); Ian Cardoni (season 7 onwards) * Morty Smith – [[w:Justin Roiland|Justin Roiland]] (seasons 1-6) Harry Belden (season 7 onwards) * Jerry Smith – [[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] * Beth Smith (née Sanchez) – [[w:Sarah Chalke|Sarah Chalke]] * Summer Smith – [[w:Spencer Grammer|Spencer Grammer]] ==Related== *''[[Solar Opposites]]'' == External links == *{{wikipedia-inline}} *{{Commonscat-inline}} * {{imdb title|2861424|Rick and Morty}} * [http://video.adultswim.com/rick-and-morty/ Official site] {{Adult Swim}} [[Category:Rick and Morty| ]] [[Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American black comedy TV shows]] [[Category:2020s American black comedy TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:2020s American science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American sitcoms]] [[Category:2020s American sitcoms]] [[Category:2010s American surreal comedy TV shows]] [[Category:2020s American surreal comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Traditionally adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:American comic science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:Animated space adventure TV shows]] [[Category:Current shows]] [[Category:Adult Swim shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about dysfunctional families]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about extraterrestrial life]] [[Category:Television series by Williams Street]] [[Category:Single-camera sitcoms]] [[Category:Shorty Award winners]] l3yj4km6nq9gm8xllgrtx9lhwrpb0si 3949262 3949257 2026-06-05T15:56:02Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949262 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Rick and Morty (season 1)|1]] [[Rick and Morty (season 2)|2]] [[Rick and Morty (season 3)|3]] [[Rick and Morty (season 4)|4]] [[Rick and Morty (season 5)|5]] [[Rick and Morty (season 6)|6]] | [[Rick and Morty|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Rick and Morty|Rick and Morty]]''''' (2013–present) is an American adult animated science-fiction sitcom created by Justin Roiland and Dan Harmon for Adult Swim. The series follows the misadventures of the cynical mad scientist, Rick Sanchez, and his fretful and easily influenced grandson, Morty Smith, who split their time between domestic family life and interdimensional adventures. == Seasons == ::[[Rick and Morty (season 1)|Season 1]] ::[[Rick and Morty (season 2)|Season 2]] ::[[Rick and Morty (season 3)|Season 3]] ::[[Rick and Morty (season 4)|Season 4]] ::[[Rick and Morty (season 5)|Season 5]] ::[[Rick and Morty (season 6)|Season 6]] ::[[Rick and Morty (season 7)|Season 7]] ==Special== ===''Bushworld Adventures''=== :''[Rick and Morty meet the giant coach potato Uncle Barry watching the match]'' :'''Uncle Barry''': Kick the ball! Kick the bloody ball! :'''Rick''': Uncle Barry? :'''Uncle Barry''': Yeah, mate. That's me. And who am I speaking to? :'''Rick''': Name's Rick. Dougie sent me. ''[Uncle Barry points suspiciously at Rick]'' :'''Uncle Barry''': Look, I don't know who you are, but you look like a top bloke. And I know this is weird to say, but I feel a strong bond between us. :'''Rick''': Yeah, I don't know what it is. I-I've only met you for like fifteen seconds, but it feels like fifteen years. :'''Uncle Barry''': Grab a fucking stubby, mate. ''[points at Rick]'' You're a damn legend! ''[shouts out]'' Charlene, bring our ripper legends some stubbies and a pack of menthols! :'''Rick''': ''[stoned]'' Sii-ck. <hr width=50% /> :''[after Ute Uncle Barry drops Rick and Morty off in the barren land of Bendigo]'' :'''Rick''': Ahhh, Bendigo. Beautiful Bendigo. :'''Morty''': Yeah... Bendigo. :'''Rick''': ''[pleasing sigh]'' What do ya see round here, Morty? ''[Morty looks around]'' :'''Morty''': I see... trees, scrubs... N-nothing, really. :'''Rick''': ''[pause]'' So? Where's the cube? ''[Morty pauses for a long beat]'' :'''Morty''': I don't know, you're the one who said it was in Bendigo. :'''Rick''': What the fuck are you talkin' about, Morty? I never said that. :'''Morty''': What do you mean? Why are we here, then? :'''Rick''': I don't know. I was following you, Morty. == See also == * [[Last words in Rick and Morty|Last words in ''Rick and Morty'']] == Cast == * Rick Sanchez – [[w:Justin Roiland|Justin Roiland]] (seasons 1-6); Ian Cardoni (season 7 onwards) * Morty Smith – [[w:Justin Roiland|Justin Roiland]] (seasons 1-6) Harry Belden (season 7 onwards) * Jerry Smith – [[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] * Beth Smith (née Sanchez) – [[w:Sarah Chalke|Sarah Chalke]] * Summer Smith – [[w:Spencer Grammer|Spencer Grammer]] == Related == *''[[Solar Opposites]]'' == External links == *{{wikipedia-inline}} *{{Commonscat-inline}} * {{imdb title|2861424|Rick and Morty}} * [http://video.adultswim.com/rick-and-morty/ Official site] {{Adult Swim}} [[Category:Rick and Morty| ]] [[Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American black comedy TV shows]] [[Category:2020s American black comedy TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:2020s American science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American sitcoms]] [[Category:2020s American sitcoms]] [[Category:2010s American surreal comedy TV shows]] [[Category:2020s American surreal comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Traditionally adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:American comic science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:Animated space adventure TV shows]] [[Category:Current shows]] [[Category:Adult Swim shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about dysfunctional families]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about extraterrestrial life]] [[Category:Television series by Williams Street]] [[Category:Single-camera sitcoms]] [[Category:Shorty Award winners]] pp670ayc37a0jc63puc714k6r82fgsm 0 160971 3949353 3347655 2026-06-06T00:10:59Z ELApro 1595 /* Quotes */minor edits 3949353 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:A Laser Comb for Astronomy.jpg|thumb|When final contact was made, they would try to secure samples by drilling or laser spectroscopy; no one really expected these endeavours to succeed, as even after a decade of study TMA-1 resisted all attempts to analyse its material. The best efforts of human scientists in this direction seemed comparable to those of Stone Age men trying to break through the armour of a bank vault with flint axes. ~ [[Arthur C. Clarke]] ]] '''[[w:Spectroscopy|Spectroscopy]]''' is the study of the interaction between matter and radiated energy. == Quotes == * To try to make a model of an [[atom]] by studying its [[w:Spectrum|spectrum]] is like trying to make a model of a [[w:Grand piano|grand piano]] by listening to the noise it makes when thrown downstairs. **[[Anonymous]] in: ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=uRswAQAAMAAJ The British Journal of Radiology: The Journal of the Röntgen Society. Röntgen Society section, Volumes 20-21]'', Wertheimer, 1924 * Plans for the final assault on Big Brother had already been worked out and agreed upon with Mission Control. Leonov would move in slowly, probing at all frequencies, and with steadily increasing power — constantly reporting back to Earth at every moment. '''When final contact was made, they would try to secure samples by drilling or laser spectroscopy'''; no one really expected these endeavours to succeed, as even after a decade of study TMA-1 resisted all attempts to analyse its material. The best efforts of human scientists in this direction seemed comparable to those of Stone Age men trying to break through the armour of a bank vault with flint axes. ** [[Arthur C. Clarke]], in ''[[w:2010: Odyssey Two|2010: Odyssey Two]]'' (1982), Ch. 43: Thought Experiment [[File:Spectrometer.svg|right|thumb|...and so recent are our best contrivances, that use has not dulled our [[joy]] and [[pride]] in them; and we [[pity]] our fathers for dying before [[w:Steam|steam]] and [[w:Galvanism|galvanism]], [[w:Diethyl ether|sulphuric ether]] and ocean telegraphs, [[photograph]] and spectroscope arrived, as cheated out of half their human estate. - [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]].]] *...and so recent are our best contrivances, that use has not dulled our [[joy]] and [[pride]] in them; and we [[pity]] our fathers for dying before [[w:Steam|steam]] and [[w:Galvanism|galvanism]], [[w:Diethyl ether|sulphuric ether]] and ocean telegraphs, [[photograph]] and spectroscope arrived, as cheated out of half their human estate. **[[Ralph Waldo Emerson]] in: ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=tTQCAAAAQAAJ&pg=PA243 Works]'', 1883, p. 243 * In a certain [[sense]] I made a [[living]] for five or six years out of that one [[star]] <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[w:Upsilon Sagittarii|υ Sagittarii]]] and it is still a fascinating, not understood, star. It’s the first star in which you could clearly demonstrate an enormous difference in chemical composition from the [[sun]]. It had almost no [[w:Hydrogen|hydrogen]]. It was made largely of [[w:Helium|helium]], and had much too much [[w:Nitrogen|nitrogen]] and [[w:Neon|neon]]. It’s still a [[mystery]] in many ways … But it was the first star ever analysed that had a different composition, and I started that area of spectroscopy in the late thirties. **[[w:Jesse L. Greenstein|Jesse L. Greenstein]] in: J. B. Hearnshaw ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=iCs4AAAAIAAJ&pg=PA362 The Analysis of Starlight: One Hundred and Fifty Years of Astronomical Spectroscopy]'', CUP Archive, 19 April 1990 [[File:The life cycle of a Sun-like star (eso1337a).webm|thumb|right|An attempt to study the [[evolution]] of living [[w:Organisms|organisms]] without reference to [[w:Cytology|cytology]] would be as futile as an account of [[w:Stellar evolution|stellar evolution]] which ignored spectroscopy.]] * An attempt to study the [[evolution]] of living [[w:Organisms|organisms]] without reference to [[w:Cytology|cytology]] would be as futile as an account of [[w:Stellar evolution|stellar evolution]] which ignored spectroscopy. **[[J.B.S. Haldane]] in: Tatʹi︠a︡na Nikolaevna Malʹchevskai︠a︡ ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=kRgtAQAAIAAJ (Книга для чтения- образцы научных публикации на английском языке : биология (Book for chteniya- samples of scientific publications in English: Biology)]'', Наука, 1980, p. 41 * Spectroscopy is a powerful tool for studying biological systems. It often provides a convenient method for analysis of individual components in a biological system such as proteins, nucleic acids, and metabolites. It can also provide detailed information about the structure and mechanism of action of molecules. ** [[w:Gordon Hammes|Gordon G. Hammes]], in ''Spectroscopy for the Biological Sciences'' (2005), Ch. 1 : Fundamentals of Spectroscopy, p. 1 * Spectroscopy is basically an experimental subject and is concerned with the absorption, emission or scattering of electromagnetic radiation by atoms or molecules. … electromagnetic radiation covers a wide wavelength range, from radio waves to γ-rays, and the atoms or molecules may be in the gas, liquid or solid phase or, of great importance in surface chemistry, adsorbed on a solid surface. … Experimental methods of spectroscopy began in the more accessible visible region of the electromagnetic spectrum where the eye could be used as the detector. ** J. Michael Hollas, in ''Modern Spectroscopy'' (2004), Ch. 1 : Some Important Results in Quantum Mechanics * One important object of this original spectroscopic investigation of the [[light]] of the [[stars]] and other celestial bodies, namely to discover whether the same [[w:Chemical elements|chemical elements]] as those of our [[earth]] are present throughout the [[universe]], was most satisfactorily settled in the affirmative. **[[w:William Huggins|Sir William Huggins]] in: Norriss S. Hetherington [http://books.google.com/books?id=EP9QAwAAQBAJ&pg=PA618 Encyclopedia of Cosmology: Historical, Philosophical, and Scientific Foundations of Modern Cosmology], Routledge, Apr 8, 2014 [[File:Solar_eclipse_1999_4_NR.jpg|right|thumb|Photo taken in France during the 1999 eclipse - The identification of chemical [[atoms]] in [[w:Stellar atmospheres|stellar atmospheres]] is, in fact, is accomplished thousands of times a year in numerous observations... -[[Michio Kaku]]]] *The identification of chemical [[atoms]] in [[w:Stellar atmospheres|stellar atmospheres]] is, in fact, is accomplished thousands of times a year in numerous observations. It is interesting to recall that such an achievement was considered for ever outside the boundary of human activates. A hundred years ago, [[Auguste Comte]], … a great [[French]] [[philosopher]], said that “we shall never be able to study the chemical composition of The celestial bodies”. His was an [[w:Encyclopedia|encyclopedic]] [[mind]] but it did not encompass the potentialities of the spectroscope. **[[Michio Kaku]] in: ''[http://adsabs.harvard.edu/full/1933ASPL....2...25M Cosmic Chemistry]'', SAO/NASA Astrophysics Data System (ADS) * I learned about X-ray diffraction, neutron scattering, raman scattering, infrared absorption spectroscopy, heat capacity, transport, time-dependent transport, magnetic resonance, electron diffraction, electron energy loss spectroscopy — all the experimental techniques that constitute the eyes and ears of modern solid state physics. As this occurred '''I slowly became disillusioned with the reductionist ideal of physics, for it was completely clear that the outcome of these experiments was almost always impossible to predict from first principles, yet was right and meaningful and certainly regulated by the same microscopic laws that work in atoms.''' Only many years later did I finally understand that this truth, which seems so natural to solid state physicists because they confront experiments so frequently, is actually quite alien to other branches of physics and is vigorously repudiated by many scientists on the grounds that things not amenable to reductionist thinking are not physics. ** [[Robert B. Laughlin]], on his education at MIT, in his [http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/physics/laureates/1998/laughlin-autobio.html Nobel Prize autobiography (1998)] * In the [[heavens]] we discover [by spectroscopy] by their [[light]], and by their light alone [[stars]] so distant from each other that no material thing can have ever have passed from one to another and yet this light, which is to us the sole evidence of the existence of these distant [[worlds]], tell us also that each of them is built of [[molecules]] of the same kind as those which we find on [[earth]]. A molecule of [[w:Hydrogen|hydrogen]], for example, whether in [[w:Sirius|Sirius]] or in [[w:Arcturus|Arcturus]], executes its vibrations in precisely the same time. Each molecule therefore throughout the [[universe]] bears impressed upon it the stamp of a [[w:metric system|metric system]] as distinctly as does the metre of the [[w:Archives nationales (France)|Archives at Paris]], or the royal cubit of the [[w:Karnak|Temple of Karnac]]. **[[James Clerk Maxwell]] in: ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=LcxMAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA537 Van Nostrand's Eclectic Engineering Magazine, Volume 9],'' D. Van Nostrand, 1873 [[File:Rotating_anode_x-ray_tube_(labeled).jpg|right|thumb|The whole subject of the [[w:X-Rays|X rays]] is opening out wonderfully, [[William Henry Bragg|Bragg]] has of course got in ahead of us, and so the credit all belongs to him, but that does not make it less interesting.... -[[w:Henry Moseley|Henry Moseley]].]] *The whole subject of the [[w:X-Rays|X rays]] is opening out wonderfully, [[William Henry Bragg|Bragg]] has of course got in ahead of us, and so the credit all belongs to him, but that does not make it less interesting. We find that an [[w:X-ray tube|X ray bulb]] with a [[w:Platinum|platinum]] target gives out a sharp line [[w:Spectrum|spectrum]] of five [[w:Wavelengths|wavelengths]] which the crystal separates out as if it were a diffraction grating. In this way one can get pure monochromatic X rays. Tomorrow we search for the spectra of other elements. There is here a whole new branch of spectroscopy, which is sure to tell one much about the nature of an atom. **[[w:Henry Moseley|Henry Moseley]] in: [[J. L. Heilbron]] ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=vO0d-SBw6DEC&pg=PA205 H. G. J. Moseley: The Life and Letters of an English Physicist, 1887-1915]'', University of California Press, 1974, p. 205 * We [[believe]] that our application of terahertz technologies can provide a breakthrough in detection and identification of [[Chemistry|chemicals]] for homeland-security applications. Our work will further the application of [[w:Terahertz spectroscopy and technology|terahertz spectroscopy and transmitters]] to meet stringent field requirements and applications. **[[w:Thiago David Olson|David Olson]] in: ''[http://ir.goodrich.com/phoenix.zhtml?c=60759&p=irol-newsArticle_PrintGRElectronicSystems&ID=816876&highlight= Goodrich Threat Detection Technology Selected by Department of Homeland Security]'', Goodrich * What we are nowadays hearing of the [[language]] of [[w:Spectra|spectra]] is a true '[[w:Musica universalis|music of the spheres]]' in order and [[harmony]] that becomes ever more perfect in spite of the manifold variety. The theory of [[w:Spectral lines|spectral lines]] will bear the name of [[w:Neil Bohr|Bohr]] for all time. But yet another name will be permanently associated with it, that of [[Max Planck|Planck]]. All integral laws of spectral lines and of atomic theory spring originally from the [[w:Old quantum theory|quantum theory]]. It is the mysterious organon on which Nature plays her music of the spectra, and according to the [[w:Rhythm|rhythm]] of which she regulates the structure of the [[atoms]] and [[w:Nuclei|nuclei]]. **[[Arnold Sommerfeld]] in: Wolfgang Pauli ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=ueTd4g7pc5MC&pg=PA64 Writings on Physics and Philosophy]'', Springer Science & Business Media, 27 September 1994 * The [[matter]] which we suppose to be the main constituent of the [[universe]] is built out of small self-contained building-blocks, the chemical [[atom]]s. It cannot be repeated too often that the word "atom" is nowadays detached from any of the old philosophical speculations: we know precisely that the atoms with which we are dealing are in no sense the simplest conceivable components of the universe. On the contrary, a number of phenomena, especially in the area of spectroscopy, lead to the conclusion that atoms are very complicated structures. So far as modern science is concerned, we have to abandon completely the idea that by going into the realm of the small we shall reach the ultimate foundations of the universe. I believe we can abandon this idea without any regret. The universe is [[Infinity|infinite]] in all directions, not only above us in the large but also below us in the small. If we start from our human scale of existence and explore the content of the universe further and further, we finally arrive, both in the large and in the small, at misty distances where first our senses and then even our concepts fail us.<!--p. 36, 1989 paperback--> ** {{w|Emil Wiechert}}, speech at the Königsberg Physical-Economic Society (1896) as quoted by [[Freeman Dyson]], ''{{w|Infinite in All Directions}}: {{w|Gifford Lectures}} given at Aberdeen, Scotland April-November, 1985'' (1988) == See also == * [[Color]] * [[Light]] * [[Optics]] * [[Photon]] * [[Rainbow]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} *[http://nist.gov/pml/data/atomspec.cfm NIST Atomic Spectroscopy Databases] *[http://web.mit.edu/spectroscopy/history/spec-history.html MIT Spectroscopy Lab's History of Spectroscopy] *[http://spectroscopyonline.findanalytichem.com/spectroscopy/article/articleDetail.jsp?id=381944&sk=&date=&pageID=1 Timeline of Spectroscopy] [[Category:Spectroscopy| ]] jafbdko3iohepjbu93liud0db0ov5c9 0 163258 3949175 3799378 2026-06-05T12:48:44Z ~2026-33402-56 3336773 /* Quotes */ 3949175 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Hindi.svg|right|thumb|The word "Hindi" written in Devanagari script]] [[File:Atashgah-inscription-jackson1911.jpg|right|thumb|Hindi is a direct descendant of [[Sanskrit]] through [[w:Prakrit|Prakrit]] and [[w:Apabhramsha|Apabhramsha]]. It has been influenced and enriched by [[w:Dravidian language|Dravidian]], [[w:Turkish language|Turkish]], [[w:Farsi language|Farsi]], [[w:Arabic language|Arabic]], [[w:Portuguese|Portuguese]] and [[English language|English]]....]] [[File:Urvashi-Pururavas_by_RRV.jpg|right|thumb|A scene from the play Vikramorvashiyam - Hindi in its present form emerged through different stages, during which it was known by other names. The earliest form of old Hindi was Apabhramsa. In 400 AD, [[Kalidasa]], a famous Indian literary [[playwright]], wrote a romantic play in [[w:Apabhramsa|Apabhramsa]] called [[w:Vikramorvashiyam|Vikramorvashiyam]].]] '''[[w:Hindi|Hindi language]]''' ('''हिन्दी''' historically known as '''''Hindui हिंदुई'''''<ref>Dwyer, Rachel. "Hindi/Hindustani". Key Concepts in Modern Indian Studies, edited by Gita Dharampal-Frick, Monika Kirloskar-Steinbach and Jahnavi Phalkey, New York, USA: New York University Press, 2016, pp. 102-103. https://doi.org/10.18574/9781479826834-041</ref>), or more precisely Modern Standard Hindi (मानक हिन्दी), is a [[w:Standard language|standardised]] and [[Sanskrit|Sanskritised]] [[w:Register (sociolinguistics)|register]] of the [[w:Hindustani language|Hindustani language]]. Hindustani is the native language of most people living in [[Delhi]], [[Uttar Pradesh]], [[Uttarakhand]], [[Chhattisgarh]], [[w:Himachal Pradesh|Himachal Pradesh]], [[w:Chandigarh|Chandigarh]], [[Bihar]], [[Jharkhand]], [[Madhya Pradesh]], [[Haryana]], and [[Rajasthan]]. Modern Standard Hindi is one of the [[w:Official languages of India|official languages of India]]. [[w:Hindi literature|Hindi literature]] is broadly divided into four prominent forms or styles, being [[Bhakti]] (devotional – [[Kabir]], [[Raskhan]]); [[w:Shringar|Shringar]] ([[beauty]] – Keshav, Bihari); Virgatha (extolling brave warriors); and Adhunik (modern). ==Quotes== *Article 351 of [[w:Constitution of India|Constitution of India]] reads “It shall be the duty of the Union to promote the spread of the Hindi language, to develop it so that it may serve as a medium of expression for all the elements of the composite culture of India and to secure its enrichment by assimilating without interfering with its genius, the forms, style and expressions used in Hindustani and in the other languages of India specified in the [[w:Eighth Schedule to the Constitution of India|Eighth Schedule]], and by drawing, wherever necessary or desirable, for its vocabulary, primarily on Sanskrit and secondarily on other languages." **Article in: ''[http://hindinideshalaya.nic.in/english/aboutus/aboutus.html Background]'', Central Hindi Directorate *The official language of the Union shall be Hindi in Devanagari script... for a period of fifteen years from the commencement of this Constitution, the [[English language]] shall continue to be used for all the official purposes of the Union... **Constitutional provision, Constitution of India, Part XVII - 343, quoted in [[Elst, Koenraad]] (2014). Decolonizing the Hindu mind: Ideological development of Hindu revivalism. New Delhi: Rupa, p.6 * Maybe it's the Hindi that has gotten in me<br>Whatever's got into me, I don't mind **[[Eminem]], ''[[w:Relapse (album)|Relapse]]'' (2009) "Must Be The Ganja" *For the generation that had successfully concluded the [[Indian independence movement|freedom struggle]] and that laid down a language policy in the Constituent Assembly, it was obvious that free India’s link language could not be the colonial language. A vote was held to choose between Hindi and [[Sanskrit]], which Hindi won with the narrowest of margins. This meant that Hindi would replace English for all official purposes by 1965. But when 1965 came, the memory of the freedom struggle and its nationalist fervour had dimmed sufficiently, while under Nehru the English-speaking elite had gained enough self-confidence to thwart the explicit choice of the Founding Fathers. Since then, English has completely elbowed out Hindi and the other vernaculars, to the extent that schools with the vernacular as medium of instruction are shunned and have come under pressure to switch over to English. A nation with a glorious literary tradition is now voluntarily turning into an underdeveloped country dependent on the former colonial language for all grown-up purposes, where virtually the whole next generation will be schooled through English as medium. [...] In language, the first choice made by the Constituent Assembly was anti-colonial, viz. for a replacement of the colonizer’s language with a native alternative. Yet, by the due date of 26 January 1965, it was decided to overrule the Constitution and perpetuate English as lingua franca. This was a choice made by Indians, not foisted on them by [[British Empire|British colonialism]] nor by other outside factors like [[American imperialism]]. This choice reduced the vast majority of Indians to second-class status. ** Koenraad Elst, On Modi Time : Merits And Flaws of Hindu Activism In Its Day Of Incumbency – 2015. Ch.9, 27 * In actual life, it is impossible to separate us into two nations. We are not two nations. Every [[Islam in India|Moslem]] will have a [[Hindu]] name if he goes back far enough in his family history. Every [[Muslim|Moslem]] is merely a Hindu who has accepted [[Islam]]. That does not create nationality. … We in India have a common [[Culture of India|culture]]. In the North, Hindi and [[Urdu]] are understood by both Hindus and Moslems. In [[Madras]], Hindus and Moslems speak [[Tamil language|Tamil]], and in [[Bengal]], they both speak [[Bengali language|Bengali]] and neither Hindi nor Urdu. When [[Communalism (South Asia)|communal]] riots take place, they are always provoked by incidents over cows and by religious processions. That means that it is our [[Superstition|superstitions]] that create the trouble and not our separate [[Nations|nationalities]]. ** [[Mahatma Gandhi]], Conversations with Louis Fischer, June 6, 1942, in Louis Fischer, ''A Week with Gandhi'', pp. 45-46. *In adopting the Hindi as the National tongue of Hindudom no humiliation or any invidious distinction is implied as regards other provincial tongues. We are all as attached to our provincial tongues as to Hindi and they will all grow and flourish in their respective spheres. In fact some of them are today more progressive and richer in literature. But nevertheless, taken all in all the Hindi can serve the purpose of a National Pan-Hindu language best. It must also be remembered that the Hindi is not made a National Language to order. The fact is that long before either the English or even the Moslems stepped in India the Hindi in its general form had already come to occupy the position of a National tongue throughout Hindustan. The Hindu pilgrim, the tradesman, the tourist, the soldier, the Pandit travelled up and down from Bengal to [[Sindh|Sind]] and [[Kashmir|Kashmere]] to Rameshwar by making himself understood from locality to locality through Hindi. Just as the Sanskrit was the National Language of the Hindu intellectual world even so Hindi has been for at least a thousand years in the past the National Indian Tongue of the Hindu community..... "By Hindi we of course mean the pure "Sanskrit Nistha" Hindi, as we find it for example in the " Satyartha Prakash " written by Maharsi Dayananda Saraswati. How simple and untainted with a single unnecessary foreign word is that Hindi and how expressive withal ! It may be mentioned in passing that Swami Dayanandaji was about the first Hindu leader who gave conscious and definite expression to the view that Hindi should be the Pan-Hindu National language of India. " ** [[V.D. Savarkar]], quoted from B.R. Ambedkar, Pakistan or The Partition of India (1946) *Right from his early days in the Andamans, [[Vinayak Damodar Savarkar|Vinayak]] encouraged people to speak in Hindi....Till then, government records were maintained in [[Urdu]], and even Hindi was written in the [[Persian language|Persian]] script. Vinayak strongly advocated the implementation of the Devanagari script as it was the one in which the oldest language of the subcontinent, Sanskrit, was written. **About VD Savarkar. Vikram Sampath - Savarkar, Echoes from a Forgotten Past, 1883–1924 (2019) *A word from Urdu will be seen intruding into Hindi like a crow among swans, at one place, while at another, a Hindi word in the midst of Urdu will ruin the flavor like salt in a sweet dish. **Premchand, quoted in Sheldon Pollock - Literary Cultures in History_ Reconstructions from South Asia-University of California Press (2003), also in Jain, M. (2010). Parallel pathways: Essays on Hindu-Muslim relations, 1707-1857. *Then there's the small matter of the name "''Hindi''" itself. It too is of Persian origin. **Kalyan, Chahuhu Jusaanchu Nij. "HINDI–HINDU–HINDUSTAN." ==Quotes about the Hindi vs. English debate in India== * According to the Constitution, English should have been phased out by 1965; no outside power was involved when the Indian elite sabotaged this switch. This elite profited too much from the disenfranchisement of the Indian commoners by the dominance of English. Without saying it out loud, they thanked [[Macaulay]] for their linguistic privileges... “[[Decolonization]]” implies the belated phasing out of English, but this will involve the defeat not of some foreign colonizer but of the indigenous elite. **Elst, Koenraad. Hindu dharma and the culture wars. (2019). New Delhi : Rupa. * A universal language for India should be Hindi, with the option of writing in Persian or Nagari characters. In order that Hindus and Mahomedans may have closer relations, it is necessary to know both the characters. And, if we can do this, we can drive the English language out of the field in a short time. All this is necessary for us, slaves. Through our slavery the nation has been enslaved, and it will be free with our freedom. **Gandhi, In ''[https://www.google.com/books/edition/The_Essential_Writings/34Hcb_RhvUgC Mahatma Gandhi: The Essential Writings]'', p. 285. * “By annihilating native literature, by sweeping away from all sources of pride and pleasure in their own mental efforts, by rendering a whole people dependent upon a remote and unknown country for all their ideas and the words in which to clothe them, we should degrade their character, depress their energies and render them incapable of aspiring to any intellectual distinction.” **(Horace Wilson: “Education of the natives of India”, Asiatic Journal (1836), quoted p.26) quoted from Koenraad Elst, On Modi Time : Merits And Flaws of Hindu Activism In Its Day Of Incumbency – 2015 Ch 29 ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} *<small>''[http://www.cs.colostate.edu/~malaiya/hindiint.html Hindi: The language of songs]'', Colorado State University's Computer Science Department</small> *[[w:Encyclopædia Britannica|Encyclopædia Britannica]] ''[http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/266241/Hindi-language Hindi language]'', Encyclopædia Britannica, 23 March 2014 *[[w:Ethnologue|Ethnologue]] in: ''[http://archive.ethnologue.com/16/show_language.asp?code=hin Hindi A language of India]'', Ethnologue languages of the World *Lingua in: ''[https://www.livelingua.com/fsi-hindi-course.php FSI Hindi Course Free Live Lingua Project],'' Live Lingua *<small>[[w:BBC|BBC]] in: ''[http://www.bbc.co.uk/languages/other/hindi/guide/facts.shtml A Guide to Hindi - 10 facts about the Hindi language]'', BBC</small> [[Category:Indo-Aryan languages]] [[Category:Languages of India]] egnw5oxbpyviwnwu4tms9tpdpp8bo0g 0 178252 3949342 3944968 2026-06-05T23:11:39Z Dart210 3109313 /* Wild in the Streets! */ 3949342 wikitext text/x-wiki ---- {{Pokémon header}} ---- <br/> This is a list of episodes in Pokémon: Diamond and Pearl (advertised as Pokémon: Diamond and Pearl), aired in Japan as Pokét Monsters Diamond & Pearl (ポケットモンスター ダイヤモンド&パール Poketto Monsutā Daiyamondo & Pāru?), the tenth season of the Pokémon animated series, covering the adventures of Diamond and Pearl series protagonist Ash Ketchum as he travels Sinnoh with Dawn, Pikachu, and Brock. == Following A Maiden's Voyage! == :''[First lines. The camera pans up from the sea to the sun which is shining. Then, two Staraptors fly into view]'' :'''Narrator''': The Sinnoh region - a breathtaking, awe-inspiring corner of the Pokémon world, complete with an amazing array of Pokémon. ''[The camera cuts to some Starlys and Staravias flying near a cliff and pans down to a Magikarp and a Mantyke splashing in the sea below]'' Soaring through the air, gliding through the water... ''[Next, we see a Bidoof, a Budew and a Bibarel in a rural place]'' ...thriving on the land... ''[The camera cuts to a rural community somewhere in the Sinnoh region]'' ...and sharing the land with all sorts of people, working and playing together. The training, the battles! :''[The Pokémon logo appears in the sky, followed by a text reading '''DIAMOND AND PEARL'''. The camera cuts to a place called Twinleaf Town and pans to a big house on the left. Inside the house, we hear a beeping sound, a Glameow sleeping on the radiator, and some trophies sitting on top of a fireplace. In one room of the house, a Starly clock is beeping at 7 o'clock, and a girl turn it off. The girl, who has just woken up, goes back to sleep and pulls the duvet over her head and tucks her feet in]'' :'''Narrator''': A tenth birthday is a happily anticipated milestone in many young people's lives because after that day, their Pokémon journey begins, complete with a new Pokémon as partner. :''[The girl with blue hair whose name is Dawn, wakes up and opens the window in her bedroom, too cute]'' :'''Dawn''': Ah! :'''Narrator''': And this young lady, Dawn, is one of those people as her tenth birthday has come and gone, and her Pokémon now waits in the wings. :''[A space-themed episode title card comes up]'' :'''Dawn''': ''[voiceover]'' Following A Maiden's Voyage! :''[Soon, Dawn is looking in the mirror and putting on her golden yellow hairclips. Her clothing is a dark gray sleeveless shirt with a dark pink shorter scarf and pink miniskirt. when she hears her mother's voice]'' :'''Johanna''': ''[from outside bedroom]'' Dawn, are you up? :'''Dawn''': I am so up! :''[Her mother, Johanna, opens the door]'' :'''Johanna''': Morning, dear. :'''Dawn''': Good morning, Mom. :'''Johanna''': I had a feeling you'd wake up early today. :'''Dawn''': Mom, I'm ten years old. ''[Crouches down to Glameow]'' Morning, Glameow. :''[Johanna's Glameow walks away and jumps onto Dawn's bed]'' :'''Glameow''': Glameow. <hr width=50%> :''[The camera pans from the roof of Dawn's house to the front where Johanna opens the door]'' :'''Johanna''': What a day. Perfect for starting on a journey. So, Dawn, are you ready? :''[Dawn brings out a pink suitcase]'' :'''Dawn''': ''[off camera]'' Oh, yeah. :'''Johanna''': Oh, what's all that? :'''Dawn''': It's just all my stuff. It's not like I packed things I don't need. :''[Inside the house, Johanna opens the suitcase and discovers clothes]'' :'''Johanna''': It's all clothes? :'''Dawn''': That and some jewellery and face stuff. :''[Johanna takes out one of Dawn's garments]'' :'''Johanna''': Oh! Do you know what your journey is for? :'''Dawn''': To become a Pokémon Trainer, right? :'''Johanna''': Exactly! ''[Puts a yellow backpack on the worktop beside the door]'' Which means this is plenty! :'''Dawn''': Aw! That's it? :'''Johanna''': If you want to become a top Trainer and a smart traveller, then trust me. :'''Dawn''': Okay, Mom. ''[Takes the backpack]'' :'''Johanna''': ''[presents a ribbon]'' One more thing. :''[The camera cuts to Dawn and her mother in the porch]'' :'''Dawn''': Huh? Mom, what's this? ''[Surveys the ribbon]'' :'''Johanna''': That's the first championship ribbon I ever won in a contest. I always carried it as a good-luck charm. Now, if you will, I'd like you to carry it, too! :'''Dawn''': Really? :'''Johanna''': As long as you don't lose it! :'''Dawn''': Wow, thanks, Mom! Well, see you soon. ''[Goes down the steps to get her bike]'' :'''Johanna''': Professor Rowan's lab is just outside of Sandgem Town. Do you know how to get there? :'''Dawn''': Don't worry about me! ''[Takes out a map]'' See, I've got this map right here. OK, off we go! ''[Rides off on her bike]'' :'''Johanna''': Now, do your best and take care of yourself, okay? :'''Dawn''': No need to worry, mom. ''[Then, the bike hits a pebble on the path, making her lose control]'' :'''Johanna''': Dawn, no! :'''Dawn''': Whoa! ''[She manages to carry on cycling]'' See, I told you! Bye! :''[The camera cuts to Johanna who is standing in the porch. Meanwhile, Glameow jumps onto the balustrade]'' :'''Johanna''': ''[Sighs]'' Every time she tells me not to worry is when I worry the most. :'''Glameow''': Meow. ''[Goes to sleep]'' == Two Degrees of Separation! == :'''Dawn''': ''[Angry with Pikachu, after Pikachu accidentally roasts her bike with its Thunderbolt]'' WELL, THANKS A LOT!!! I'M DEFINITELY GONNA CATCH YOU AFTER THAT!!! <hr width=50%> :''[Dawn has taken Pikachu to a Pokémon Centre and now, Pikachu is needing some rest]'' :'''Nurse Joy''': ''[off camera]'' This Pikachu is suffering from extreme exhaustion. :'''Dawn''': A group of really strange people just came out of nowhere and attacked us. :'''Nurse Joy''': That sounds scary, but I'm sure Pikachu will make a full recovery. I do know about these things. :'''Dawn''': That's awesome. Thank you. I'm so relieved. :'''Piplup''': Piplup. :''[Back at Dawn's house in Twinleaf Town, Johanna is communicating with Dawn via flatscreen phone]'' :'''Johanna''': That's wonderful. ''[The camera cuts to inside the house as Glameow wakes up and the camera pans right]'' You made a good choice with Piplup. Smart and cute, too. :'''Piplup''': Piplup. :'''Johanna''': So have you been able to catch any other Pokémon yet? :'''Dawn''': ''[disappointed]'' I tried, but so far, no luck. :'''Johanna''': Well, it takes a while, dear, until you get the hang of it. But once you do, you're going to have so much fun. Nothing's more exciting than finding new Pokémon friends. :'''Piplup''': Hm! :'''Dawn''': Piplup, chill out. :'''Piplup''': ''[annoyed]'' Pip?! ''[Points to Dawn]'' Piplup! Piplup! :'''Dawn''': Well, you had something to do with why we didn't catch us any Pokémon! :'''Piplup''': Piplup! Piplup! Piplup! ''[Starts pecking Dawn in the head with his beak]'' :'''Dawn''': Hey, ouch! Don't you peck at me or I'll peck right back. Get it? :'''Johanna''': ''[to Glameow]'' You know, I think those two are made for each other. Don't you think? :'''Glameow''': Meow. <hr width=50%> :'''Giovanni''': Though your plans won't buy me a cup of coffee, I have wanted to set up shop there. Do your best. :'''Jessie''': Don't we always? :'''Giovanni''': That's what I'm afraid of! ''[Switches off, thus making the TV screen go fuzzy]'' :'''Jessie''': Hear that? The boss is counting on us to give Sinnoh the Team Rocket mojo. :'''Meowth''': We'll blind the big guy with tons of top-shelf science. :'''James''': Than we can afford a summer cottage of our own. :'''Jessie''': Time to start anew! :''[Mime Jr. pops, so does James]'' :'''James''': We're with you. :'''Meowth''': Whoopdee-dang-doo! :'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! == When Pokémon Worlds Collide! == :''[The title card comes up]'' :'''Ash''': ''[voiceover]'' When Pokémon Worlds Collide! :''[An electric-type attack frightens some Starly out of the forest. It is revealed to be coming from an Elekid who is standing next to its trainer, Paul, who will eventually become Ash's main rival in the Diamond & Pearl series]'' :'''Paul''': Now go! Poké Ball! ''[Throws a Poké Ball which hits one of the Starly which manages to get away from being captured. The ball lands back in Paul's hand]'' :''[Ash arrives]'' :'''Ash''': Starly, over here. ''[Stops when he sees Paul]'' :'''Ash's Starly''': Starly. [Right.] ''[Sits on Ash's left shoulder]'' :''[Paul turns to him]'' :'''Ash''': Huh? :'''Paul''': I'll thank you and your Starly to stay out of my way. :'''Ash''': I didn't know anyone was out here but us. Really. :''[Brock and Aipom join Ash and Starly]'' :'''Brock''': It must have been his Elekid that launched that electric attack. :'''Ash''': Anyway, I've got a question for you. You haven't seen a girl with a Pikachu around here, have you? :'''Paul''': No. You really think that Starly's good enough? :'''Ash''': Huh? :'''Starly''': Starly? [Say what?] :'''Paul''': I watched you catch it. Don't you think you'd be a lot better off catching the best one you can? :'''Ash''': You can tell which one's the strongest? :'''Paul''': Of course. Look. ''[Throws three Poké Balls, each one containing a Starly]'' :'''Paul's Three Starly''': Starly! [There's your proof!] :'''Ash''': You got three of them? :''[Paul's three Starly land on the ground]'' :'''Paul''': You must know you can scan Pokémon you catch with your Pokédex to check out what moves they can use, and that's just what I do. ''[Scans his three Starly with a black Pokédex]'' I figure if you do that from the beginning, it saves you a whole bunch of grief in the long run. OK, let's check out Aerial Ace. And the big winner is... ''[Returns all of his Starly, puts one away and speaks to the other two]'' Take a hike. I don't need you. ''[Releases the two Starly that he does not need anymore, thus making them wild Pokémon once again]'' :'''Two of Paul's Starly''': Starly! [Fine by us] ''[They fly away]'' :''[Aipom, Ash, Starly and Brock approach Paul]'' :'''Ash''': That's sure a weird way to treat Pokémon. :'''Paul''': Hey, the only attacks those two knew were Tackle and Sand Attack, so they wouldn't be much use anyway. :'''Ash''': Know what I think? Any Pokémon can be strong if you train them. :'''Paul''': Hm. :'''Ash''': What are you laughing at? :'''Paul''': You'll find out. So, want a battle? :'''Ash''': Sure, let's do it. :'''Paul''': We'll use three Pokémon. :'''Ash''': Ah! :'''Paul''': Three on three is the best way to see what type of Pokémon a trainer is good at working with and what kind of balance they've got. :'''Ash''': I know, but I've only got two. :'''Aipom''': Aipom. [Sorry.] :'''Starly''': Starly. [You'll have to wait.] :'''Paul''': You've got to be kidding. Talk about pathetic. ''[to Elekid]'' Elekid, let's get going. :'''Elekid''': Beep-beep. [Let's.] ''[Walks off with Paul]'' :'''Ash''': Uh. ''[crossly]'' Man, I wish Pikachu was here. <hr width=50%> :''[At Professor Rowan's laboratory, Ash and Pikachu are admiring Ash's package from his mother, Delia]'' :'''Ash''': Wow. ''[The camera cuts to him inside the lab and checking out his new clothes]'' Check out the new clothes. :'''Pikachu''': Pika. :'''Brock''': She even put a new backpack in there, too. :''[The camera cuts to Ash's house in Pallet Town]'' :'''Delia''': ''[from inside the house]'' I'm thrilled! Such a handsome young man. :''[We can see that Delia is communicating with Ash, now in his red and black cap is newer, a darker bluish-gray vest with a snazzy looking point collar and a distinct golden yellow horizontal stripe across the chest, via flatscreen phone]'' :'''Ash''': That's really nice of you, Mom. :'''Delia''': I wanted to give them to you while you were here, but you flew out of the house in such a rush. :'''Ash''': Sorry about that, Mom. But everything's going just great here in the Sinnoh region, and I can't tell you how psyched I am. :'''Delia''': I can see that! You did call Professor Oak and tell him Pikachu's safe, right? :'''Ash''': Aah! :''[Soon, Professor Oak is communicating with Ash from his lab]'' :'''Professor Oak''': I appreciate you letting me know the good news, young man. :'''Ash''': And this is Dawn. She saved Pikachu. ''[to Dawn]'' And this is Professor Oak. :'''Dawn''': It's a real honour to meet you, sir. :'''Professor Oak''': Well, it's a pleasure to to meet you, a brand new trainer. :'''Dawn''': Right. I hope you don't mind... You love Pokémon poetry, don't you? :'''Ash''': Uh! :'''Brock''': Huh? :'''Professor Oak''': Yes, I do. :'''Dawn''': Awesome! Does that mean you know all the Pokémon poets? :'''Ash''': You don't get it. He's a real professor, just like Professor Rowan. :'''Dawn''': But how come I always see him on TV reading poems? :'''Ash''': How come...? Well... :'''Professor Rowan''': ''[walks in]'' Say, perhaps the good professor and I should have a little discussion :'''Professor Oak''': Well, well, professor! Say, Ash, may I speak with him for a moment? :'''Ash''': Sure. ''[He walks away with Dawn and Brock as Professor Rowan starts conferring with Professor Oak]'' :'''Professor Rowan''': Perhaps you could spend a little less time reading Pokémon poetry on TV and more time doing your Pokémon research, eh, Samuel? :'''Professor Oak''': Right, I'll do that. :'''Brock''': Those two must go way back. :'''Ash''': Guess so. :'''Dawn''': So, what are you two doing here, anyway? :'''Ash''': Well, I came here so I could compete in the Sinnoh League and win. :''[Brock takes out a guidebook from inside his orange vest]'' :'''Brock''': Okay, it looks like the closest gym to Sandgem Town is in Oreburgh City. Jubilife City's right on the way. :'''Dawn''': That's awesome! Can I go too? :'''Ash & Brock''': Huh? :'''Dawn''': I want to be the number one contest coordinator, and the first contest I want to compete in is in Jubilife City. :'''Ash''': That's great! Come along. When it comes to travelling, the more the merrier, I say. :'''Pikachu''': Pikachu. :'''Ash''': Brock, what do you think? :'''Brock''': Of course. It'd be a lot of fun. :''[Aipom, Piplup and Starly join Ash, Dawn and Brock]'' :'''Ash''': It looks like everybody agrees. :'''Piplup''': Piplup? :'''Dawn''': And I'll get to spend some more time with Pikachu. :'''Pikachu''': Pika, Pika! <hr width=50%> :'''Professor Rowan''': Yes. Who are you? :'''Paul''': The name's Paul. And from the looks for things, you must be Professor Rowan. I'm waiting for him. == Dawn of a New Era! == :''[At the start of the episode, Ash, Dawn and Brock are in a forest as Dawn tries to catch a Buneary]'' :'''Buneary''': Buneary. :'''Ash''': This time for sure, Dawn. Go for it! :'''Dawn''': I'm so psyched. ''[Prepares to throw the Poké Ball that's in her right hand]'' Here we go! :'''Ash''': Hold on! You got to make your Poké Ball bigger first. :'''Dawn''': Huh? ''[Loses control of the Poké Ball]'' Oh! :'''Ash''': You'd better hurry. It'll get away. :'''Dawn''': All right. I'm ready now. Let's go, Poké Ball! ''[Throws the Poké Ball at Ash instead of the wild Buneary]'' Huh? :'''Ash''': ''[when the Poké Ball hits him]'' Oh. ''[Falls onto the ground]'' :'''Dawn''': Oops, sorry. :'''Ash''': Ugh! Watch where you throw that thing! :'''Dawn''': It was an accident. If you hadn't been yelling at me, my hand wouldn't have slipped. :'''Ash''': You weren't doing it right. :''[Cut to Brock and Pikachu who are sitting on a rock]'' :'''Dawn''': ''[off-camera]'' Look, don't you get nasty with me! ''[While Dawn is saying this, the camera cuts to her Piplup]'' :'''Ash''': ''[off-camera]'' Just get it together and I won't have to. :''[Meanwhile, Buneary runs off and Piplup points it out to Ash and Dawn]'' :'''Ash & Dawn''': No, Buneary! :'''Dawn''': Well, I hope you're happy now. :'''Ash''': Don't look at me! :'''Dawn''': Why not? It's your fault. :'''Ash''': Your yapping scared Buneary away, you know! :'''Narrator''': Any new journey has bumps in the road. The question for our heroes seems a simple one, though. Is this a small bump in the road, or a massive pothole? <hr width=50%> :''[The title card comes up]'' :'''Ash''': ''[voiceover]'' Dawn of a New Era! :''[Soon, Ash, Dawn and Brock are walking along a footpath in the forest]'' :'''Dawn''': Just great. I could have a Buneary, if it wasn't for a certain big mouth. :'''Ash''': Oh, yeah? I could get me a Buneary in spite of ''your'' big mouth. :'''Dawn''': Next time, butt out. :'''Ash''': That's if there is a next time. :'''Dawn''': I'm catching lots of Pokémon. :'''Ash''': You won't if you keep doing stupid stuff! :'''Dawn''': Are you calling me stupid? :'''Ash''': No, but I'm thinkin' 'bout it now. :'''Dawn''': How can you think without a brain? :'''Ash''': You tell jokes as good as you catch Pokémon! :'''Brock''': ''[crossly]'' You're both hurting my ears! ''[A ray of sunshine shines upon him, Ash and Dawn]'' Huh? :'''Ash & Dawn''': Huh? [Ash only] What's that? :'''Dawn''': Pretty. :'''Brock''': That's called Sunny Day. :'''Ash''': Sunny Day? :'''Brock''': It's a fire-type move. Fire-types use it to temporarily raise their power. :'''Ash''': Oh! :'''Dawn''': Oh! All of a sudden, I feel so much happier. :''[Then, a Budew approaches the group]'' :'''Budew''': Budew, Budew! :'''Ash''': Who's that? ''[Gets out his Pokédex]'' :'''Dawn''': So cute! :'''Ash's Pokédex''': Budew - the Bud Pokémon. In winter, it keeps its bud closed to survive the cold, but then opens it again in the spring. :'''Brock''': I wonder if this is where that Sunny Day came from. :'''Nando''': It was. :'''Ash''': Huh? :'''Dawn''': Huh? :''[Nando, a trainer with long black hair and dark green cloak, stands up with his Mew-shaped harp and sings]'' :'''Nando''': ''[sings]'' Hardened words but reflect hardened hearts. Let the Sunny Day soften yours. For when your heart is light, your mood is happy and bright. ''[to Ash, Dawn and Brock]'' Tell me, don't you feel better now? :'''Dawn''': Huh? :'''Ash''': Huh? :'''Ash & Dawn''': Yeah, you're right. :'''Nando''': As it should be. :'''Budew''': Budew. :'''Ash''': Thanks. I'm Ash. :'''Pikachu''': Pika, Pikachu. :'''Dawn''': And my name's Dawn. :'''Brock''': Hi, I'm Brock. :'''Nando''': And I am the Pokémon bard, Nando. This is my Budew. We travel the world, bringing joy to all. :'''Ash''': Awesome. :'''Brock''': You must have a great time. :'''Dawn''': Hey, I've got it, Ash! Now I can show you how strong I've gotten. :'''Ash''': How? :'''Dawn''': Nando, would you mind battling with me? :'''Nando''': If that pleases you. :'''Budew''': Budew, Budew. :'''Ash''': Don't forget this will be your very first battle with a trainer. :'''Dawn''': Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. :'''Nando''': Dawn, are you by any chance on a quest to win the Sinnoh League? :'''Dawn''': No, I'm on a quest to win the Grand Festival. :'''Nando''': I see. Then a contest battle it is. There's a clearing up ahead that will be perfect for our needs. :'''Dawn''': Great. ''[She walks away with Nando, Ash and Brock]'' :''[Meanwhile, Team Rocket pop up from behind a nearby bush]'' :'''James''': That's the new twerp. :'''Meowth''': Yeah, she's the punk that sprang Pikachu. :'''Jessie''': Thinking she can win Contest takes some nerve. :'''James''': Like you. :'''Meowth''': Snap out of it! :'''Jessie''': ''[angrily]'' Hey, I'll snap you. ''[cheerfully]'' Only one diva wins the next Contest. This one. :'''James & Meowth''': Diva's right. :'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet. :'''Mime Jr.''': Mime, Mime! <hr width=50%> == Gettin' Twiggy With It! == == Different Strokes for Different Blokes! == :'''Paul''': "Lame-o's." == Like It or Lup It! == :'''Jessie''': Sometimes air is as good as food. :'''James''': Especially when you haven't been breathing much... == Gymbaliar! == == Setting the World on its Buneary! == :''[It is the dawn of a new day somewhere in the Sinnoh region and the sun is rising]'' :'''Dawn''': What?! No way! :'''Buneary''': Buneary. :'''Narrator''': It was to be a fateful day for Dawn, and a certain Pokémon named Buneary, as our heroes continue toward Jubilife City. :'''Buneary''': Buneary? :''[Ash is waking up in his sleeping bag]'' :'''Ash''': Huh? :'''Pikachu''': Pika? :'''Dawn''': It's a disaster! :''[Some Starly fly past, and Ash runs over to Dawn's tent] :'''Ash''': Dawn, what's wrong? :'''Dawn''': Don't you dare come in here! My hair's a complete mess, and nobody sees it! :'''Ash''': Dawn, don't sweat it. C'mon, that's what hats are for. :'''Pikachu''': Pika, Pika. :'''Dawn''': Well, isn't that a typical male response! Ash, unlike your who-cares-how-I-look world, I take pride in my appearance, get it? :'''Ash''': But it's just not worth it to get nuts about hair! :'''Dawn''': That's your opinion. :'''Pikachu''': Pika? [What's with Croagunk?] :''[The camera pans left for Brock who is cooking some breakfast with Croagunk beside him]'' :'''Brock''': See, you're witnessing a typical morning for this crazy family, but you'll get used to it! :'''Croagunk''': Croag. Croag. Croag. [I suppose so.] <hr width=50%> :'''Ash''': Ready, Pikachu? :'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Oh, yes!] Pikachu! [Let's do this!] :'''Buneary''': ''[starts behaving oddly by blushing and covering her face with her fluff]'' Buneary...Buneary...Buneary! [Oh, my! Oh, please, why do you want to fight me? Why?!] :'''Pikachu''': Pika? [What's wrong?] :'''Ash''': What's going on? :'''Ash''': That's weird. :'''Dawn''': What's going on? :'''Brock''': Buneary's acting completely different when battling Piplup before. I wonder... :'''Ash''': Brock, wonder what? :'''Buneary''': ''[stops covering her face and notices Pikachu]'' Buneary? [Huh?] ''[covers her face again with her fluff]'' Bunearyyyyyy! [Noooooo!] :'''Dawn''': I had a feeling before this was going on. Buneary has got a crush on Pikachu! ''[Bonsly and Aipom agree with Dawn]'' :'''Ash''': Oh man, how do we battle with this going on? :'''Buneary''': ''[walks up to Pikachu still covering her face with her fluff]'' Buneary...Bun, Buneary. [I can do this. Come on Buneary...] ''[sees Pikachu and covers her face again!]'' Bunearyyyyy! [I can't do it!] == Not On My Watch Ya Don't! == == Mounting a Coordinator Assault! == ''[The title card comes up]'' '''Dawn''': ''[voiceover]'' Mounting a Coordinator Assault! ''[Screen cuts to Jubilife City]'' '''Dawn''': [sang song] ''♪Round we go!♪'' ''[Dawn has a pink dress on and she twirls towards them, as does Ash's Pikachu]'' '''Pikachu''': Pikachu! == Arrival of a Rival! == == A Staravia is Born! == :'''Meowth''': So, here's the deal. Your winged wish is my command. <hr width=50%/> :'''Meowth''': You wanna fly? Fly. Wheeeee. <hr width=50%/> :'''Rosebay''': ''[about Team Rocket]'' They sure are loud... == Leave It To Brocko! == == Shapes of Things To Come! == == A Gruff Act To Follow!== :''[at the beginning of the episode...]'' :'''Paul''': ''[chuckles]'' :'''Ash''': What's so funny? :'''Paul''': That you want me to watch you lose. :'''Ash''': ''[enraged]'' What?! :''[Dawn and Pikachu break up the fight]'' :'''Dawn''': Okay, I’m out! :'''Pikachu''': ''[at the same time]'' Pika, Pika! :'''Dawn''': ''[to Paul]'' You already battled Ash once ''[Different Strokes for Different Blokes]''. Why not stay and watch? :'''Paul''': ''[glares at her blankly]'' Hmph. :'''Dawn''': Wha-what's wrong? :'''Paul''': 'What's wrong'? Who are you? :''[the background changes to a volcano erupting with an angry Dawn]'' :'''Dawn''': Excuse ''me'', your rudeness, but we've met once before! The name's Dawn! :'''Paul''': ''[beat]'' Don't remember. :''[the background changes to the sun splitting into quarters with Dawn very angry, turning bright red and having huge glowing red eyes]'' :'''Dawn''': '''YOU THINK YOU'RE FUNNY, DON'T YA?!''' :'''Brock''': ''[runs in and restrains Dawn, preventing her from attacking Paul]'' Alright, come on, Dawn! Calm down! :'''Dawn''': ''[at the same time]'' Listen, mister! You nasty, insulting, spoiled brat! Apologize! == Wild in the Streets! == :''[Roark comes in, checking on Ash's training progress. And perfect timing too, cause Ash and his Pokemon are taking break as well]'' :'''Roark''': You are working hard. :'''Ash''': Hey Roark! :'''Roark''': Rock as far as the eye can see. It is a great way of you to get ready for another battle in my gym. :'''Ash''': And you can be sure we are working super hard! :'''Roark''': Just don't work too hard. You simply figure out a strategy that suits you and your Pokemon as well. :'''Ash''': ''[a bit confused on Roark's wisdom, but Ash does get it, thankfully]'' Okay, but I was just thinking about the way you fought Paul. :'''Roark''': Hang on a sec, this has been eating at me since our last battle. Just who is it you're trying to beat anyway? :'''Ash''': Oh, that! Uhhh... :'''Roark''': Right. It's understandable that you'd be concerned about Paul. But it's not Paul you're going to be battling with, it's me, right? ''[This is the reason why Ash screwed up his first battle against Roark. Ash needs to focus on the battle, not on pleasing a rival.]'' :'''Ash''': Yeah, I hear you. == O'er The Rampardos We Watched! == :'''Roark''': Ash, in between battles, I don't sit around and read comic books. I've been training with Onix just as hard as ever. You may have dodged Double Edge, but there's a lot more to deal with than that in this gym. Onix, use Stealth Rock! <hr width=50%> :''[Roark recalls his defeated Onix. Ash does not sit around and do nothing, either.]'' :'''Roark''': You were great Onix. Thanks, now take a nice long rest. That was quite an impressive move you just made. You blew back all that debris and pulverized Onix's Stealth Rock at the same time. And I don't need to tell you how difficult it is to cause Onix any damage at all. ''[Roark's tactics may have worked once, but the one thing Gym Leaders have to learn when it comes to a rematch, a previously defeated opponent does not give repeat performances]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Roark''': Aw! Aipom too?!! ''[Should have improved your training with Geodude there, Roark]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Ash''': Turtwig! Use Razor Leaf while you run! :'''Turtwig''': Twig! ''[Turtwig charges in spamming Razor Leaf without hesitation]'' :'''Roark''': Turtwig's too far away for that! Now Rampardos, use Flamethrower! ''[Rampardos does so]'' :'''Ash''': Keep using Razor Leaf! Don't let up! :'''Roark''': You think you can defeat us like that?! Alright Rampardos go! ''[Rampardos amps up the Flamethrower attack]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Turtwig is using the burning leaves for cover and a defense tactic]'' :'''Roark''': Of course! Ash has just been camouflaging Turtwig the whole time! <hr width=50%> :[''Roark has just ordered his Rampardos to jump only to find that Turtwig is undereath Rampardos!]'' :'''Ash''': Great Turtwig! Now use Razor Leaf! SUPER CHARGE! :''[Turtwig complies violently injuring Rampardos with the attack]'' :'''Roark''': ''[horrified]'' Augh! Rampardos! ''[Seconds later, Rampardos falls to the ground defeated.]'' == Twice Smitten, Once Shy! == == Mutiny in the Bounty! == :''[The title card comes up]'' :'''Ash''': ''[voiceover]'' Mutiny in the Bounty! :''[The episode opens with Ash, Dawn and Brock walking up a hill]'' :'''Narrator''': Continuing their journey to Floaroma Town, and Dawn's next Pokémon contest, our heroes are about to be treated to a most amazing sight. :''[The sight turns out to be a house with a cone on top and a field full of flowers]'' :'''Dawn''': Whoa! What a beautiful field of flowers! :'''Ash''': Yeah, and in the bright sunlight, they look like they're on fire! :'''Pikachu''': Pika, Pika! :''[Then, a Salamence flies above them]'' :'''Ash, Dawn & Brock''': Huh? :'''Ash''': What was that? :''[Dawn scans the Salamence with her Pokédex]'' :'''Dawn's Pokédex''': Salamence, the Dragon Pokémon. As a result of a powerful desire to fly, Salamence were able to trigger the cells in their body and cause them to grow wings. :'''Ash''': Someone's riding it! :''[We see someone on the Salamence's back]'' :''[Then we see a girl named Melodi and her Gardevoir tending to some flowers]'' :'''Melodi''': Wow. Someday these little flowers will bloom like crazy! :'''Gardevoir''': ''[admiring]'' Gardevoir. :''[Then the Salamence and its rider landed down in front of them]'' :'''Melodi''': ''[gasps]'' Huh?! :''[The rider jumps off the Salamence to reveal to be a woman]'' :'''Hunter J''': Target identified. :'''Melodi''': ''[gasps]'' Who're you? :'''Hunter J''': Ariados! ''[takes her Pokeball]'' String shot! ''[tosses her Pokeball]'' :''[Her Ariados pops out and fired its String Shot and Melodi screamed as she got tied to a tree]'' :'''Melodi''': ''[Screams]'' :'''All''': ''[Gasps]'' :'''Brock''': She needs help! :'''Ash''': Come on! :''[Ash, Dawn and Brock run to Melodi's house]'' :'''Hunter J''': I'll take Gardevoir. ''[she aims her wrist gun to Gardevoir]'' :'''Melodi''': Gardevoir! Go! :'''Gardevoir''': Gardevoir. :''[It uses Teleport to vanish]'' :'''Hunter J''': Using Teleport, eh? ''[she activates her goggles and looks around]'' Sensing Teleport location. ''[she got nothing till she spotted her target appearing]'' There we go. You should be grateful Gardevoir. Your beauty will be preserved for eternity! ''[she aims her gun as Gardevoir appears and then she fires]'' :''[Gardevoir got hit]'' :'''Ash''': ''[gasps]'' :'''Melodi''': Gardevoir, no! :''[Gardevoir turned to stone]'' :'''Hunter J''': Mission accomplish. Transporting target now! :'''J's Henchmen''': Roger! :''[Then a truck with six wheels came out of nowhere and drove to her location as a device platform came out of it and it went under the petrified Gardevoir and sealed in in a container and it was floated inside of the truck as it drives away]'' :'''Melodi''': Gardevoir, Gardevoir! :''[Ash, Dawn and Brock Arrived]'' :'''Ash''': Are you okay? :''[Hunter J got on her Salamence with her Ariados and flew away]'' :'''Melodi''': I'm alright, but please help me get Gardevoir back! :'''Ash''': You can count on it! <hr width=50%> :'''James''': When it comes to slipper fingers, she rules! :'''Jessie''': Unlike the looks department, where I rule. :'''Meowth''': Well, that dame and those traitors had the nerve to nab Pikachu, and I'm not going to take it! Let's knock her down a notch! :'''Jessie''': And once we're through working our magic, she'll beg to work for us! :'''Team Rocket''': ''[nod]'' Hmm! <hr width=50%> :''[Hunter J's ship flies off]'' :'''Dawn''': They're gone... :'''Ash''': ''[Growls]'' :''[Then Officer Jenny arrives on her motorcycle along with her Arcanine]'' :'''Everyone''': Huh? :'''Officer Jenny''': ''[looking up]'' She got away! :'''Ash''': Officer Jenny! :'''Brock''': So, you were following her, too? :'''Officer Jenny''': Yes. When I heard she was here, I came as soon as I could, but too late. She didn't get any of YOUR Pokémon...? :'''Ash''': She took my Pikachu! :'''Melodi''': And my Gardevoir. :'''Brock''': Hold on. Who is she? :'''Officer Jenny''': ''[presents a WANTED poster of the woman]'' Her name is J and she's got a fearsome reputation as a Pokémon Hunter! :'''Ash''': Pokémon Hunter? :'''Dawn''': What's a Pokémon Hunter? :'''Officer Jenny''': The worst you can get! ''[A flashback begins]'' They catch Pokémon just so they can turn around and sell them. :'''Dawn''': ''[voiceover]'' You mean for money? :'''Officer Jenny''': ''[voiceover]'' Yes. They can be hired ahead of time to capture a certain Pokémon, or if they think they found a Pokémon of exceptional value, they'll catch it anyway. :'''Hunter J''': ''[to a Teddiursa]'' I won't hurt you. You're much too valuable for that. ''[The Teddiursa she has spoken to starts banging on the jar it is standing in]'' :'''Officer Jenny''': ''[voiceover]'' And she has her own special method for stealing Pokémon as well. Ruthless. :''[The flashback ends as the Teddiursa turns to brown]'' :'''Brock''': That's '''horrible'''. :'''Dawn''': It sure is. She's the worst. :'''Ash''': ''[Growls]'' :'''Dawn''': What's wrong? You okay? :'''Ash''': I can't stand it! And I'm not going to take it. She won't steal another Pokémon. ''[to the camera]'' And I'm going to get my Pikachu back - or else! <hr width=50%> :'''Melodi''': Excuse me. :'''All''': Huh? :'''Melodi''': ''[takes out a Pokeball]'' Maybe this Pokemon could give us a hand. :''[Her Pokemon pops out to reveal a Kirlia]'' :'''Kirlia''': Kirlia. :'''Dawn''': Wow what's that? ''[she checks her Pokedex]'' :'''Dawn's Pokédex''': Kirlia. The Emotion Pokemon. Kirlia uses the horns on its head to amplify its Psychic powers, and when this occurs reality becomes warped and future events can be seen. :'''Brock''': Of course! Kirlia's power might be just the thing we need! :'''Melodi''': You're right. Kirlia wants to protect Gardevoir, and will help us in any way! :'''Kirlia''': ''[agreeing]'' Kirli. :'''Melodi''': ''[presents J's WANTED poster]'' This is the person who took Gardevoir, We need to know where she'll be going to hunt Pokémon next! :''[Kirlia understood and began to use its power]'' :'''Kirlia''': ''[concentrating]'' Kirli. :''[Dawn looks with awe and amazement and then it showed a vision of a house near a waterfall]'' :'''Dawn''': What's that? :'''Melodi''': An image from the future Kirlia's sending telepathically. :''[Then we see J coming down on Salamence]'' :'''Ash''': J! :'''Brock''': So that's go to be where J's going to strike next! :''[Then the vision cancels out]'' :'''Melodi''': ''[gasps]'' :''[Kirlia collapses till..]'' :'''Melodi''': Kirlia, no! ''[catches Kirlia]'' Are you okay? :'''Kirlia''': ''[reassuring]'' Kirlia. == Ya See We Want An Evolution! == :''[Ash, Pikachu, Dawn, Brock, Oralie and Haley enter a wooden cabin]'' :'''Ash''': All right, Team Rocket... :'''Everyone''': Huh?! :''[Cut to Team Rocket who are standing on an evolution-inducing machine with Magikarp inside a capsule]'' :'''Jessie''': You're just in time to witness something totally evolutionary. :'''James''': Presenting our Power Pack Poké Evolution Machine 1. :'''Meowth''': And guess what? The batteries are included, and we're smokin'. :'''Haley''': Feebas? :'''Oralie''': What are you planning on doing to my Magikarp? :'''James''': With this sweet baby forcing your babies to evolve, we're simply making them an offer they can't refuse. :'''Oralie''': You can't do that! :'''Haley''': Stop it! :'''Brock''': All right. You give both Feebas and Magikarp back to them or else! :'''Jessie''': An ultimatum. ''[Zooms up to Ash and his friends]'' You twerpazoids are clueless. Don't you realise these top-shelf Pokémon would be a lot topper-shelf if they evolved into Gyarados and Milotic? :'''James''': Course you don't. :'''Haley''': You can't... :'''Oralie''': All our work making them strong without them evolving will have been a complete waste. :'''Haley''': We like our Pokémon exactly the way they are right now. :'''Jessie''': ''[Chortles]'' Which is exactly why we just love doing what we do. It's evolution time. Rock and roll! :'''Ash''': Pikachu, Thunderbolt, NOW! :'''Pikachu''': Pika-CHUUUUUU! ''[Gets captured in a capsule]'' :'''Ash''': Pikachu! :'''Pikachu''': Pika?! :'''James''': We figured some insulation was a good investment. :'''Jessie''': Hee-hee-hee-hee! Of course, that's history when we evolve Pikachu so stay tuned! :'''Ash''': Why, you! ''[Gets captured in a cage in along with Brock, Dawn, Haley and Oralie]'' :'''Jessie''': ''[Laughs]'' Now that you're a captive audience, why not sit back, relax, and watch our machine make some of its mojo magic? The future is here now. :'''James''': Here comes Gyarados, and how! :'''Oralie''': Please stop! :'''Meowth''': Please, no! ''[Presses a button on the remote and Magikarp goes down into the machine]'' :'''Magikarp''': Karp, karp, karp, karp! :''[Ash and his friends gasp]'' :'''Jessie''': Now... Gyarados! :''[But Magikarp comes out of the machine, unevolved]'' :'''Magikarp''': Karp, karp, karp, karp! :'''Haley & Oralie''': Huh? :'''Ash''': Huh? :'''Dawn & Brock''': Huh? :''[Team Rocket are shocked by this as James looks at the plans and Meowth reads the manual]'' :'''James''': Strange. I've been reading schematics for years. :'''Meowth''': I think you're supposed to know how to read words first. :'''Jessie''': Wait, once more. :''[Magikarp goes down into the machine again]'' :'''Oralie''': Magikarp, no! :'''Jessie''': Now... Gyarados! :''[But Magikarp comes out of the machine, unevolved again]'' :'''Magikarp''': Karp, karp, karp, karp! :'''Haley & Oralie''': Huh? :'''Ash''': Huh? :'''Dawn & Brock''': Huh? :''[Team Rocket are shocked by this]'' :'''James''': Very strange. :'''Meowth''': It's not out of the question that the batteries they included sat in the box for too long. :'''James''': But, wait, we could employ our imprisoned Pika power. :'''Jessie''': And then we'll simply switch things around and ratchet our Raichu on a first. :''[Cut to Ash who is still in the cage]'' :'''Ash''': No, you don't! :'''Pikachu''': Pika, Pika! ''[Goes into the evolution machine]'' :'''Jessie''': You're about to experience first-hand how change is good for the soul. :'''James''': It's the old Pikachu to Raichu switch-a-roo! :'''Meowth''': Hey, we're cooking now. :'''Ash''': Pikachu, no! :'''Jessie''': By popular demand, it's Raichu. :''[But Pikachu comes out of the machine unevolved]'' :'''Pikachu''': Pika? :'''Haley & Oralie''': Huh? :'''Dawn & Brock''': Huh? :'''Ash''': ''[relieved]'' Pikachu, you're okay. :''[Team Rocket are shocked by this]'' :'''Jessie''': Okay, what's your excuse this time? :'''Meowth''': Yikes, I think I just found a disclaimer here. ''[Reads the disclaimer in the manual]'' Device may take up to one week to achieve complete evolution. Early use may result in total failure!? :''[This is the moment where Jessie gets really angry]'' :'''Jessie''': ''[yells at Meowth]'' '''YOU'RE a total failure!''' ''[Starts stomping on the machine angrily]'' If I wasn't such a... ''[Throws a tantrum]'' :'''James''': Hold on, they said there may be a total failure, right? You've got to admire a company with such honesty. :'''Jessie''': ''[yells at James]'' '''OKAY. THEN, WHY DON'T YOU BECOME A STOCKHOLDER?!''' :''[Cut to Ash who is still in the cage]'' :'''Ash''': Pikachu, Iron Tail! :'''Pikachu''': Piikkaaaa! ''[Uses Iron Tail on the cage, breaking it and freeing everyone inside]'' :'''Ash''': It's over, guys. Give it up! :'''Meowth''': Not so fast. :'''Ash''': Oh! :'''Meowth''': Listen to this, twerpies. ''[Reads the manual]'' This unit also doubles as a mechabot. :'''James''': Mechabot? :'''Jessie''': Wow, that is cutting edge. :'''Meowth''': One click on the old remote, whee! ''[Presses the red button and it destroys the cabin]'' == Borrowing On Bad Faith! == == Faced with Steelix Determination! == == Cooking Up A Sweet Story! == == Oh Do You Know the Poffin Plan! == == Getting the Pre-Contest Titters! == :'''Kenny''': What do you know? Dee-Dee's got herself a Pikachu. Dee-Dee's all grown up. :'''Dawn''': KENNY, STOP! AND YOU STOP CALLING ME DEE-DEE TOO! ALSO, THIS IS NOT MY PIKACHU EITHER! CAUSE IT'S ASH'S, NOT MINE! <hr width=50%> :'''Kenny''': It was at the contest right before Jubilife City and I thought I had my first ribbon, but then I came up against an opponent so powerful, I didn't have a chance. She had a Glameow and her name was Zoey. <hr width=50%> :'''Kenny''': One time, Dawn's mom made her get this haircut that she couldn't stand, so Dawn tried to cut it herself. You can't believe how it turned out. She looked just like a Chimchar. :[''Ash, Brock, Pikachu, and Piplup imagine Dawn's hair as a Chimchar, and break out laughing until, Dawn yells at them, all to grow up.] :'''Dawn''': CAN WE ALL TRY AND GROW UP?! THAT HAPPENED WAY BACK IN NURSERY SCHOOL! <hr width=50%> :'''Dawn''': OH, GREAT! LAUGH AT A LITTLE GIRL! == Settling a Not-So Old Score! == :'''Kenny''': See ya, Dee-Dee. :'''Dawn''': Huh? STOP CALLING ME DEE-DEE! :''[Dawn sticks her tongue out at Kenny]'' :'''Ash''': Hey, what's so bad about Dee-Dee anyway? :'''Dawn''': Ash, don't go there! == Drifloon on the Wind! == == The Champ Twins! == :'''Rhonda''': ONE MORE TIME, JACK, AND IT'S BACK TO THE MAILROOM! <hr width=50%> :'''Dawn''': Good, and done! All ready! :'''Ash''': Still looks the same. :'''Dawn''': WILL YOU JUST GROW UP?! == Some Enchanted Sweetening! == == The Grass Type is Always Greener! == :'''Ash''': Turtwig, return! ''[Returns Turtwig to its Poké Ball]'' You were just great. ''[Turns back to Gardenia]'' :'''Brock''': ''[off camera]'' Gardenia's Turtwig didn't move around much, but when it did, it was fast. I'd say overall it was faster than Ash's Turtwig. :'''Ash''': I'll show you fast. Gardenia, our battle isn't over just yet. :'''Gardenia''': I know. :'''Ash''': Okay, Staravia, I choose you! ''[Sends out Staravia]'' :'''Staravia''': Staravia! :'''Ash''': I don't care how fast that Turtwig is, it can't match the speed of a flying Staravia. :''[The camera cuts to Cheryl, Mothim, Brock, Dawn and Pikachu who are watching the battle from a log]'' :'''Brock''': Flying-types do have the advantage over grass-types, but... :'''Dawn''': But? :'''Brock''': There's more than one way to win a battle. :'''Pikachu''': Pika. :'''Ash''': All right, Wing Attack, go! :'''Staravia''': Starrrravia! ''[Uses Wing Attack]'' :'''Gardenia's Turtwig''': Turrrtwig! ''[Dodges Staravia's Wing Attack]'' :'''Ash''': Ah! Ugh! Come back around and use Wing Attack! :'''Staravia''': Starrrravia! ''[Uses Wing Attack, but Gardenia's Turtwig carries on dodging]'' :'''Gardenia''': You know, my Turtwig may even be a good match for your Staravia's speed. :'''Ash''': Hey, you've got to be kidding me! ''[The camera cuts to Turtwig who is watching out for Staravia's next Wing Attack]'' Is she serious?! ''[to Staravia]'' Okay, let's give 'em Aerial Ace right now! :'''Staravia''': Starrrr... :'''Ash''': There's no way her Turtwig's going to be able to outrun this dive-bomb. :'''Staravia''': Staravia! Starrrr... ''[Uses Aerial Ace, but Turtwig jumps up to avoid the attack]'' ...avia! ''[Crashes through a bush and screeches]'' :'''Ash''': Staravia! :''[Staravia manages to fly out of the bush and back into the battlefield]'' :'''Gardenia''': Now, Turtwig, Leaf Storm! :'''Gardenia's Turtwig''': Turtwiiiiiig! ''[Uses Leaf Storm on Staravia, sending it into the trunk of a tree]'' :'''Ash''': Staravia! :''[Then, we see that Staravia has fainted]'' :'''Brock''': Staravia is out! :'''Gardenia''': Number One! I win! :'''Ash''': Staravia, return! ''[Returns Staravia to its Poké Ball]'' You gave it a great shot, Staravia. :'''Dawn''': But Gardenia was running things the whole time. :'''Cheryl''': I'm really sorry that you lost, Ash. :'''Brock''': Wow, Gardenia's a tough one. :'''Ash''': Oh, I never had a chance. :'''Cheryl''': My name is Cheryl. That was some battle just now. :'''Gardenia''': Thanks, Cheryl. ''[Notices Cheryl's Mothim]'' That's some Mothim you've got. ''[Mothim starts flying around her, making her giggle]'' Your moth tails tickle! :'''Cheryl''': You shouldn't get too close to strangers, Mothim, dear. :''[Meanwhole, Ash is talking about his recent loss]'' :'''Ash''': First Turtwig loses and then Staravia. The Eterna Gym's going to be tough. :''[Pikachu jumps on his left shoulder]'' :'''Pikachu''': Pika, Pikachu! :'''Ash''': You think? Special training, eh? :'''Pikachu''': Pika, Pika! == An Angry Combeenation! == == All Dressed Up with Somewhere To Go! == == Buizel Your Way Out of This! == :'''Dawn''': I've never seen a lure like that. :'''Ash''': This? Cool, huh? I got this from Misty a long time ago. :'''Dawn''': Misty? :'''Brock''': Right. She's a friend of ours who's now the Cerulean Gym leader. == An Elite Meet and Greet! == == A Secret Sphere of Influence! == == The Grass Menagerie! == :''[Gardenia is standing on the opposite side of Eterna City Gym's battlefield with her Roserade]'' :'''Gardenia''': So now we come to the final battle. :'''Ash''': Oh, Aipom, I choose you! ''[Sends out Aipom]'' :''[Aipom flips round and stands on her tail]'' :'''Aipom''': Aipom! :'''Gardenia''': Wow! Well, aren't you a little live wire? :''[The camera cuts to Brock, Pikachu and Dawn who are watching Ash's battle from the grandstand]'' :'''Dawn''': I wonder if Aipom realises this isn't a contest battle going on. :'''Pikachu''': Pika! :'''Ash''': Aipom, Double Team! :''[Aipom uses Double Team and charges toward Roserade]'' :'''Gardenia''': Roserade, Grass Knot! :''[Roserade uses Grass Knot and four grass knots appear on the grass. When the double-teamed Aipom get to them, they disappear. Then, Aipom herself crosses over one grass knot]'' :'''Gardenia''': Huh? :'''Ash''': Now Focus Punch! :'''Aipom''': Aipom! ''[Uses Focus Punch on Roserade]'' :'''Roserade''': Rose... :'''Gardenia''': Hey, not bad. Roserade, Magical Leaf! :'''Roserade''': Roserade! :'''Ash''': ''[to Aipom]'' Use the trees to dodge! :'''Roserade''': Rose... ''[Uses Magical Leaf]'' ...rade! :''[Aipom jumps into the branch of a tree and dodges Roserade's Magical Leaf attack as she jumps from branch to branch. Meanwhile, Brock, Pikachu and Dawn are watching the action]'' :'''Dawn''': Man, Aipom can move! :'''Pikachu''': Pika! :'''Brock''': And being surrounded by all those trees, Aipom's not so easy to hit! :'''Gardenia''': Okay, Roserade, grab Aipom! :'''Roserade''': Rose, Rose, Roserade! ''[Uses vines from its bouquets which grab Aipom's left leg and throw her down to the ground]'' :'''Gardenia''': Use Flash! :''[Roserade uses Flash on Aipom, blinding her]'' :'''Dawn''': Oh! :'''Brock''': Uh-oh! :'''Ash''': Aipom, use Focus Punch! :''[Aipom runs towards Roserade as she lights up her tail. She then tries to hit Roserade with Focus Punch, but to no avail]'' :'''Ash''': Oh, no! Aipom can't see Roserade! :'''Gardenia''': Magical Leaf! :'''Roserade''': Rose... ''[Uses Magical Leaf on Aipom]'' ...rade! :''[The Magical Leaf attack hits Aipom who lands on the ground. She stands up and punches with her eyes closed]'' :'''Aipom''': Meh! Meh! Meh! :'''Ash''': Calm down, Aipom! If you can't use your eyes then use your ears! Just chill out and listen! :'''Gardenia''': I think this just about wraps it up! Weather Ball! :'''Roserade''': Roserade. ''[Jumps in the sky]'' Rose... ''[Uses Weather Ball on Aipom]'' ...rade! :''[Down on the ground, Aipom is listening with her ears as the Weather Ball closes in on her]'' :'''Ash''': Now use Focus Punch! :'''Aipom''': Aipom! AIPOM! ''[Uses Focus Punch to send the Weather Ball attack back to Roserade which works and Roserade falls on the grass in front of Gardenia]'' :'''Gardenia''': No, Roserade! :'''Dawn''': Roserade's Weather Ball got knocked right back! :'''Brock''': Well, that was a great move! :'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! :'''Gardenia''': Now, Roserade, use Magical Leaf. :'''Roserade''': Rose... ''[Uses Magical Leaf]'' ...rade! :'''Ash''': Quick, Swift! :''[Aipom opens her eyes and uses Swift, which collides with Roserade's Magical Leaf attack. Then, the Swift attack surrounds Roserade]'' :'''Gardenia''': What's Ash up to? :'''Ash''': I'll show ya! Focus Punch! :'''Aipom''': Aipom! ''[Uses Focus Punch and smacks one of the stars from her Swift attack. Meanwhile, Roserade, trying to defend itself, is getting hit by the stars from Aipom's Swift attack]'' :'''Gardenia''': Roserade! :'''Dawn''': I have never seen anyone use an attack like that before! :'''Ash''': Let's go! :''[Aipom readies her Focus Punch attack as she charges at Roserade who has managed to survive the Swift attack]'' :'''Roserade''': Roserade, Rose! :''[Aipom uses Focus Punch on Roserade, sending her crashing through a tree, onto the grass and into the wall. Shortly after, Roserade faints]'' :'''Roserade''': Rose... :'''Gardenia''': Roserade, no! :''[The camera cuts to Yoko, Gardenia's assistant who has refereed the battle, and her Nuzleaf]'' :'''Yoko''': Roserade is unable to battle. Aipom wins! Victory goes to Ash! :'''Yoko's Nuzleaf''': Nuzleaf. :'''Ash''': Hey, we did it! ''[Runs to Aipom and hugs her]'' Oh, you were great out there! :'''Aipom''': Aipom! :'''Dawn''': That was some win! :'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! :'''Brock''': Beating a grass-type on a field where they had the upper hand! :''[The camera cuts to Ash who is still hugging Aipom]'' :'''Ash''': Ah! :'''Brock''': ''[off camera]'' I'm never going to forget this one. == One Big Happiny Family! == == Steamboat Willies! == == Top-Down Training! == :'''Cynthia''': When every life meets another life, something will be born. :'''Ash''': When every life... :'''Brock''': ...meets another life... :'''Dawn''': ...something will be born? == A Stand-Up Sit Down! == == The Electrike Company! == == Malice in Wonderland! == :''[Brock is watching the match with Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy on either side of him]'' :'''Brock''': For some reason, I don't really care who wins this match! :''[A group of Nurse Joys enter the stadium]'' :'''Nurse Joy with orange symbol''': Look over there, it's Brock. :''[Meanwhile, a team of Officer Jennies does the same on the other side of the stadium]'' :'''Officer Jenny''': Come on, girls, we found him! :'''Nurse Joys''': Oh, Brock, we love you. :'''Officer Jennies''': We love you, Brock. :''[Soon, Brock is surrounded by all the Officer Jennies and Nurse Joys]'' :'''Brock''': When it comes to my love life, it's either feast or famine. ''[A Nurse Joy's hand poison jabs him]'' Argh! ''[More hands jab him]'' Arggh! ''[In the present day at night, he wakes up screaming]'' Huh? ''[The camera cuts to him and Croagunk in the field]'' Where am I? Hey, Croagunk. But how? == Mass Hip-Po-Sis! == :'''Ash''': Nice running! You'll be fine! ''[angrily]'' But after what you did, Team Rocket, you won't be! :'''Dawn''': Get ready for trouble! :'''Pikachu''': Pika! :'''Brock''': Make a double! :'''James''': ''[shocked]'' Hey, no fair! Cacnea, come forth! == Ill Will Hunting! == == A Maze-ing Race! == == Sandshrew's Locker! == == Dawn's Early Night! == :'''Dawn''': Well, at least you didn't lose in the first round now, did you? :'''Zoey''': WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT?! :'''Dawn''': Sorry. <hr width=50%> :'''Nando''': X-Scissor! ''[Nando's Kricketune summons X-Scissor, landing a critical hit on Jessilina's Seviper]'' :'''Marian''': And Nando wins! So it's off to the finals with a powerful move. :'''Jessilina''': ''[shocked]'' No fair! :'''James''': I guess she was no match for him. :'''Meowth''': Like we're not gonna be for her! :'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! == Tag, We're It... ! == == Glory Blaze! == :''[Later, the sun is setting and outside the Hearthome City Stadium, Paul releases Chimchar]'' :'''Chimchar''': Chim? [Huh?] :'''Paul''': You're out of here. :'''Chimchar''': Chimchar! Char... [Wait! Please...] :'''Ash''': Paul? So, that's the end of all that special training? :'''Paul''': Yeah, that's right. What's the point? :'''Ash''': Huh? :'''Paul''': ''[Walking past Ash, Dawn and Brock]'' Obviously I need to get a new fire-type. ''[This is an obvious a foreshadow to his Magmar/Magmortar]'' :'''Brock''': Huh? :'''Dawn''': Huh? :'''Ash''': You're giving up Chimchar? :'''Dawn''': What happened to the two of you getting stronger together? :'''Brock''': All of that progress, and you're throwing it away? ''[He, Ash and Dawn turn to Chimchar]'' Hm? :'''Chimchar''': Oh...? ''[Walks sadly away from Ash and the others]'' :'''Pikachu:''' Pika, Pika... ''[He and Ash watch as Chimchar walks sadly away]'' :'''Ash''': Hmm... ''[cheerfully]'' Hey, Chimchar, come with us! :'''Chimchar''': Chim? [What do you want?] :'''Paul''': ''[Looks back]'' Hm?! :'''Dawn''': Are you sure? :''[Ash, Pikachu and Turtwig go up to Chimchar]'' :'''Ash''': Of course. We'll have a blast and work hard! :'''Pikachu:''' Pika, Pika! [Come join the crew!] :'''Turtwig:''' Turtwig, Turtwig! [There's room for you here!] :''[Chimchar turns to Ash while Dawn and Brock watch]'' :'''Narrator''': The old saying goes - when one door closes, another door opens. Friends reach out to friends and a brand new opportunity is born. So, now with an invitation from our heroes to share their journey, just what lies in store for Chimchar? == Smells Like Team Spirit! == :''[The title card comes up]'' :'''Ash''': [voiceover] Smells Like Team Spirit! :''[Ash is inviting Chimchar to join his team as Dawn, Piplup, Brock and Paul watch]'' :'''Chimchar''': Chim? :''[The camera zooms in on Ash and cuts to Paul who is watching crossly]'' :'''Ash''': Chimchar, come on. :'''Chimchar''': Char? :'''Pikachu''': Pika. Pika, Pika. :'''Turtwig''': Turtwig. :''[The camera cuts to Chimchar and then fades to Ash. It then cuts to Dawn and Brock]'' :'''Ash''': You see, the way you give it all you got is awesome. I'd love working with a tough Pokémon like you. :'''Chimchar''': Chim... :'''Paul''': ''[To Ash and Chimchar]'' You deserve each other. :'''Chimchar''': Char? :'''Paul''': You're both pathetic. :'''Dawn''': Why, that's an awful thing to say, Paul! :'''Piplup''': Piplup, Piplup. :'''Ash''': Just ignore him. :'''Brock''': Huh? :'''Ash''': Chimchar and I are going to show Paul just how wrong he can be. :'''Paul''': Hmph. :'''Chimchar''': Chim? ''[The camera cuts to Ash and then, back to Chimchar]'' Char... ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:Japanese TV shows]] [[Category:Pokémon]] l0hpqsl74pbp5r2mz2ayz2zhv2xv2if 0 183493 3949253 3902527 2026-06-05T15:39:33Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949253 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:BoJack Horseman|BoJack Horseman]]''''' (2014–2020) is an Adult american animated comedy sitcom created by Raphael Bob-Waksberg. The series focuses on BoJack Horseman, the washed-up star of the mid-'90s sitcom ''Horsin' Around'', as he plans his big return to celebrity relevance with a tell-all autobiography that he dictates to his ghostwriter Diane Nguyen. BoJack also has to contend with the demands of his agent and on-again-off-again girlfriend Princess Carolyn, the misguided antics of his freeloading roommate Todd Chavez, and his frenemy Mr. Peanutbutter, who is also Nguyen's boyfriend. The series satirizes Hollywood, celebrity culture, and the film industry. ==Season 1== ===''BoJack Horseman: The BoJack Horseman Story, Chapter One'' [1.01]=== :'''Charlie Rose''': In 1987, the situation comedy ''Horsin' Around'' premiered on ABC. The show, in which a young, bachelor horse is forced to reevaluate his priorities when he agrees to raise three human children, was initially dismissed by critics as "broad" and "saccharine" and "not good". But the family comedy struck a chord with America and went on to air for nine seasons. The star of ''Horsin' Around'', BoJack Horseman, is our guest tonight. Welcome, BoJack. :'''BoJack''': It is good to be here, Charlie. Sorry I was late. The traffic... :'''Charlie Rose''': It's really no problem. :'''BoJack''': I parked in a handicapped spot, I hope that's okay. :'''Charlie Rose''': You parked in a—? :'''BoJack''': I'm sorry, ''disabled'' spot. Is that the... proper... nomenclature? :'''Charlie Rose''': Maybe you should move the car. :'''BoJack''': No, I don't think I should drive right now. I'm-I'm incredibly drunk. :'''Charlie Rose''': You're telling me that you're drunk right now? :'''BoJack''': Is it just me, or am I nailing this interview? I kind of feel like I'm nailing it. :'''Charlie Rose''': Yes. Anyway, we were talking about ''Horsin' Around''. To what do you attribute the show's wide appeal? :'''BoJack''': Charlie, listen, y'know, I know that it's very hip these days to shit all over ''Horsin' Around'', but at the time, I can tell you— Is it okay to say "shit"? :'''Charlie Rose''': Please don't. :'''BoJack''': 'Cause I— I think the show's actually pretty solid for what it is. It's not [[Henrik Ibsen|Ibsen]], sure—but look, for a lot of people, life is just one long, hard kick in the urethra. And sometimes, when you get home from a long day of getting kicked in the urethra, you just want to watch a show about good, likeable people who love each other. Where, y'know, no matter what happens, at the end of 30 minutes... everything's gonna turn out okay. Y'know, because in real life... Did I already say the thing about the urethra? :'''Charlie Rose''': Well, let's talk about real life. What have you been doing since the show's cancellation eighteen years ago? :'''BoJack''': That's a great question, Charlie. I, uh... Uh, I... ''[beat]'' Ummm... <hr width=50%/> :'''Todd''': Morning, sunshine! ''[BoJack groans]'' Why so gloomy, roomy? :'''BoJack''': First of all, we're not roommates. You are my houseguest. :'''Todd''': Well, we don't need to put labels on things. :'''BoJack''': You sleep on my couch and you don't pay rent. I've had tapeworms that are less parasitic. I don't even remember why I let you stay with me in the first place. :'''Todd''': Because my parents kicked me out and I had nowhere to go, and even though you don't want anyone to know it— :''[BoJack turns on the blender for Todd to finish his sentence before turning it off]'' :'''Todd''': ...you secretly have a good heart. :'''BoJack''': You told me they didn't approve of your "alternative lifestyle". I thought you were, like, a troubled gay teen or something. I didn't realize by "alternative lifestyle" that you meant you were lazy. :'''Todd''': That's on you for making assumptions. Also, if you're looking for the Toaster Strudels, I got really high last night and ate them all. :''[BoJack groans and he shuts the compartment door]'' :'''Todd''': Did you say you've had tapeworms? <hr width=50%/> :'''BoJack''': 'Neigh way, Jose!' I improvised that line. I mean, it was scripted, but I gave it the ol' BoJack spin. <hr width=50%/> :'''Todd''': Are you drunk? :'''BoJack''': Todd, I weigh 1200 pounds. It takes a lot of beer to get me drunk... Yes. <hr width=50%/> :'''Princess Carolyn''': I don't know how you expect me to love you when you so clearly hate yourself. <hr width=50%/> :'''BoJack''': As my agent, do you think I'm getting fat? :'''Princess Carolyn''': No way. You are in the prime of your life; you've never looked better! :'''BoJack''': And as my ex-girlfriend? :'''Princess Carolyn''': You look like a pile of crap ate a second pile of crap and then crapped out a third pile of crap. :'''BoJack''': Wait, so, which pile of crap am I? :'''Princess Carolyn''': The third one. :'''BoJack''': What? That's the worst one! <hr width=50%/> :'''Princess Carolyn''': So, are you available for Tuesday, or are you gonna be too busy masturbating to old pictures of yourself? :'''BoJack''': I told you, that's not what was happening that time. I was masturbating to what the picture represented! You walked in at the worst possible moment. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mafia Boss''': Señor Horseman, I will never forget your generosity today. You have made a powerful ally... for life! ''[smooches BoJack's cheek]'' Let's dance! :'''BoJack''': Todd, who was that guy? Who are all these people? :'''Todd''': Oh, you know, just a variety of folks from all walks of life. :'''BoJack''': Is this a quinceañera? :'''Todd''': Oh, so any party with Mexican teenage girls is a quinceañera. Now who's racist? <hr width=50%/> :'''Diane''': Do you know the story of the dad from [[The Brady Bunch]]? :'''BoJack''': The dad from The Brady Bunch? As I recall, he was raising three boys of his own. They were four men living all together, but they were all alone. That is profoundly sad. :'''Diane''': No, the story is that the guy who played the dad hated being on The Brady Bunch because he was a real actor, and he considered it beneath him. Sound familiar? :'''BoJack''': That's not all that was beneath him! ...Gay joke. Sorry, I'm better than that. :'''Diane''': Most people don't even get to do The Brady Bunch version of the thing they want to do with their lives. You're actually in a really good position now, because you can pretty much do anything you want. You're responsible for your own happiness, you know? :'''BoJack''': Good Lord, that's depressing. :'''Diane''': No, it's not. :'''BoJack''': I'm responsible for my own happiness? I can't even be responsible for my own breakfast! :''[In a flashback, BoJack is shown trying to pour cereal into a bowl. Only a few pieces come out at first, but then all of it comes out, overflowing onto the table.]'' :'''BoJack''': ''[groaning]'' Todd! I need help! ===''BoJack Hates the Troops'' [1.02]=== :'''BoJack''': Excuse me. ''[walks to two girls and a chicken girl]'' I just wanted you to know that you ruined someone else's night tonight. And I hope you have enough decency to at least feel a little bit crappy about it. :'''Girl''': Excuse me? :'''BoJack''': I was actually already in a bad mood but I thought maybe for one night, I could go out to a bar and try to forget about myself. But now because of you and your friends, I feel more self-conscious than ever. :'''Girl''': If we were bothering you so much, why didn't you just leave? :'''BoJack''': Because I didn't think of that and now I feel stupid! :'''Girl''': Look, I have a right to be here— :'''BoJack''': '''''NO''!!''' ''[the chicken girl lays an egg]'' Maybe because you're skinny and maybe 'cause you're pretty, you're used to getting away with things! But I want you to know that your actions have an ''effect'' on others, and I hate you! And you are a horrible person! And you not understanding that you're a horrible person doesn't make you less of a horrible person. :'''Girl''': ''[beat]'' You think I'm pretty? <hr width=50% /> :'''Tom Jumbo-Grumbo''': ''[live on MSNBSea]'' Our guest via satellite is Neal McBeal, a naval officer on leave from Afghanistan. Welcome to the program, Neal. :'''Neal McBeal''': Thank you, Tom. :'''BoJack''': Hey! I met this guy! :'''Tom''': All Neal wanted when he got home, and I emphasize—''from'' Afghanistan—was his favorite brand of breakfast muffins. But when he went to the supermarket and called dibs on the last box... Well, tell us what happened, Neal. :'''Neal''': BoJack Horseman, from the '90s sitcom ''Horsin' Around'', refused to respect my dibs. :'''Tom''': Have you no shame, BoJack Horseman?! Seen here sneezing at a Christmas party? :'''BoJack''': Oh, not the sneezing pic— Why do they always use the sneezing picture?! :'''Tom''': In the '90s, we laughed at your antics. Oh, how we laughed. "Ha ha ha," we chortled in rapturous glee. But when you deny the dibs called by our men and women on the frontlines, that is a sick joke, sir. A sick, sick joke indeed. And you'll forgive me if I chortle no longer—for, to me, there is nothing the least bit funny about stealing a meal from Neal McBeal, the Navy SEAL. ''[blows out water]'' :'''Todd''': Wait, wait, you stole muffins from a Navy SEAL? :'''BoJack''': I didn't know he was a Navy SEAL! I just thought he was a regular kind of seal. :'''Neal''': This is classic Hollywood elitism. BoJack Horseman thinks that because he was on TV, that makes him better than everybody. Well, guess what, BoJack! Now I'm on TV! So now I'm better than everybody! :'''Tom''': That's right, Neal! :'''BoJack''': You didn't even have dibs! You stupid sea cow! <hr width=50% /> :'''Tom''': Hold on. Just to clarify: since this morning, you've eaten all the muffins? :'''BoJack''': Yes, I ate all the muffins, because I have no self-control and I hate myself. <hr width=50% /> :'''Neal''': I spent a year in Afghanistan making America safer, and this is the thanks I get? :'''BoJack''': Really? You, specifically, made America safer? :'''Tom''': Well, BoJack, surely, even you would agree that the troops are heroes. :'''BoJack''': I don't agree to that. Maybe some of the troops are heroes, but not automatically. I'm sure a lot of the troops are jerks. Most people are jerks already, and it's not like giving a jerk a gun and telling him it's okay to kill people suddenly turns that jerk into a hero. :'''Tom''': What? Did you just say that the troops are jerks? :'''BoJack''': ...Oh, you took that the bad way, didn't you? <hr width=50% /> :'''Princess Carolyn''': BoJack, I'm gonna level with you, honey. This whole you-hating-the-troops thing is not great. :'''BoJack''': I don't hate the troops, I just hate one specific troop. I don't even hate him, I just think he's wrong about the muffins. <hr width=50% /> :'''Neal''': Say it, BoJack. Say I'm a hero. :'''BoJack''': You're a hero. The troops are all heroes, every single one. :'''Neal''': Great. :'''BoJack''': And I don't believe saying that cheapens the word and actually disrespects those we mean to honor by turning real people into political pawns. Also, I am not deeply ambivalent about a seemingly mandated celebration of our military by a nation that claims to value peace telling our children that violence is never the answer while refusing to hold our own government to the same standard. Furthermore, I do not find it unbelievably appropriate that this conversation is taking place on reality television, a genre which thrives on chopping the complexities of our era into easily digestible chunks of empty catchphrases. <hr width=50% /> :'''BoJack''': You know what the problem is with everybody? They all just want to hear what they already believe. No one ever wants to hear the truth. ===''Prickly-Muffin'' [1.03]=== :'''Todd''': The reason I have called this house meeting is because— :'''BoJack''': Todd, how many times have we been over this? You don't have the authority to call house meetings. Only I can call a house meeting. You can ''propose'' a house meeting. :'''Todd''': All right, fine, fine, fine, but the reason I propose this house meeting— :'''BoJack''': Your proposal has been submitted and is under board review. *sips beer* Proposal denied. :'''Todd''': BoJack, this Sarah Lynn thing is getting out of control, okay? She's taking advantage of you. :'''BoJack''': What? No, she's not. We have a special relationship. You couldn't possibly understand. :'''Todd''': Oh, my God, look at what she's done to your house! All right, look, I mean, I stepped on a needle earlier. I think I'm addicted to heroin now, so now that's probably gonna be a whole thing. :'''Diane''': I have to say, I agree with Todd. You're not this girl's father and you're not doing her any favors by refusing to set boundaries. :'''BoJack''': Look, I played a dad for nine years on TV, so I think I know a little bit more about parenting than you two jokers. The kids on ''Horsin' Around'' didn't need boundaries. All they needed was some good, old-fashioned love. :'''Todd''': BoJack!! This is not a TV show, okay? This is real life! ''[a flaming lemur runs around the room]'' :'''Lemur''': Lemur on fire!! Lemur on fire!! ''[crashes through wall; pan back to BoJack, Diane and Todd]'' :'''BoJack''': Some good, old-fashioned love, and I'm gonna give it to her. I'm gonna give it to her so... hard. ''[leaves; Todd turns to Diane]'' :'''Todd''': Y'know, I feel like we don't ever hang out. <hr width=50% /> :'''BoJack''': The most important thing is, you got to give the people what they want, even if it kills you, even if it empties you out until there's nothing left to empty. No matter what happens, no matter how much it hurts, you don't stop dancing, and you don't stop smiling, and you give those people what they want. <hr width=50% /> :'''Sarah Lynn''': America needs to know that I'm not that little girl anymore. I'm a grown up, sophisticated woman now, and I have sex, and I do sexy things. People like sex, okay? And since I'm sexy right now, they like me. :'''A Ryan Seacrest Type''': Are you at all worried that audiences will grow bored and abandon you for the next sexy thing? :'''Sarah Lynn''': Are you kidding? I'm Sarah-freaking-Lynn. I'm gonna be sexy forever! ===''Zoës and Zeldas'' [1.04]=== Gloria Steinem, one of the leading lights of modern feminism. You will surely go down in the annals of history just as surely as Lisa Lampanelli will go down in the locker room of the Houston Rockets. :'''Z''oë''''': My pumpkin's throwing up because Halloween encourages excessive consumption of refined sugar at a time when obesity rates are sky high. Plus, Halloween costumes are a gateway to casual racism. ===''Live Fast, Diane Nguyen'' [1.05]=== :'''Todd''': ''[sing-song]'' Todd bless these scrambled eggs, eggs from the fridge, sunny side them and guide them— :'''BoJack's Voice''': "''Todd! Stop singing your dumb scrambled egg song!" :'''Todd''': Who said that? :'''BoJack's Voice''': "''If you're wondering who said that, it's this note that you're reading. You're hearing my voice in your head because that's how reading works.''" :'''Todd''': Oh, yeah. :'''BoJack's Voice''': "''As you might've noticed, Todd, I've left you home alone for the day, and frankly I already regret that decision. Here's what you need to do: nothing. Don't touch my stuff and don't make a mess. Pick me up at the airport tomorrow and until then: DON'T. DO. ANYTHING.''" :''[Todd stays still for a long pause; he then sneezes himself with egg all over]'' :'''Todd''': Well, seal's broken. Might as well enjoy myself. ===''Our A-Story is a "D" Story'' [1.06]=== :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': ''[claps slowly]'' Well, you pulled it off, ya deviant. Get it? D-viant? :'''BoJack''': I got it. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Tell me. How are you gonna complete your giant bracelet with the chain-link fence from Dodger Stadium?! :'''BoJack''': No! ''[beat]'' How'd you figure out it was me? :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Oh, how did I figure it out? Well, I just followed the clues, used deduction, puzzle-solving, a little bit of forensics, and also, what did I do? Oh, I listened to the voicemail you left me saying you were stealing the D because of Diane so I could, and I quote, "Suck your D"! :'''BoJack''': Stop leaving voicemails! :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Admit it! You like my girlfriend! :'''BoJack''': Oh, come on! I mean, am I attracted to her? Sure. Do my days feel better when I'm around her? Yeah. Does she get me in ways no woman ever has? Indubitably. Do I fantasize about her? Yes, but only in two positions. Look, am I the kind of guy who would try to steal someone else's girlfriend? Sure, of course, but do I like her? The answer's no. You have nothing to worry about. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': I'll cut you a deal. I help you get rid of that D, and you never talk to Diane again. :'''BoJack''': Well, I have to talk to her, 'cause she's writing my book. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Okay. But just don't pursue her romantically? ''[BoJack exchange hands]'' :'''BoJack''': Deal. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Ha! I knew I'd get that handshake! :'''BoJack''': I regret this already. ===''Say Anything'' [1.07]=== :'''Princess Carolyn''': You gotta get your shit together. So you took some licks, but you're gonna bounce back! Because you're talented, you're smart, and damn it, you're good! You are a goddamn American treasure, you know that? You are BoJack goddamn Horseman. So get the hell off my lawn! :'''BoJack''': Ohh... Here I thought I was at the drive-through at Carl's Jr. How much did I have to drink last night? :'''Princess Carolyn''': Last night? Oh, you've been on a bender for the last two weeks, ever since you found out Diane got engaged to Mr. Peanutbutter. :'''BoJack''': Diane got engaged to Mr. Peanutbutter?! I need a drink. :'''Princess Carolyn''': No! No more drinking! You've been out of control. ''[cutaway to BoJack hanging out with an old man at night]'' :'''BoJack''': Princess Carolyn, look. I met [[w:John Stamos|John Stamos]]! :'''Princess Carolyn''': That is not John Stamos! ''[next scene shows both of them by morning]'' :'''BoJack''': Hey, Princess Carolyn! John Stamos and I got our ears pierced. :'''Princess Carolyn''': That is not your ear! ''[next scene shows BoJack all by himself, upset]'' :'''BoJack''': Princess Carolyn... John Stamos died! ''[on his knees, cries]'' Why? Why, God? Why did you take John Stamos?! ''[back to present]'' That doesn't sound so bad. :'''Princess Carolyn''': Oh, I forgot to mention—you were naked for a lot of that. ''[cutaway to naked BoJack pounding the grass]'' :'''BoJack''': ''Stamoooss''!! :'''Princess Carolyn''': Also, it wasn't here. It was at my office. ''[cutaway to naked BoJack crying at the office]'' :'''BoJack''': We thought night swimming would be fun, but the current was too strong! ===''The Telescope'' [1.08]=== :'''BoJack''': Hey, I wanted to talk to you about... you know... I feel bad... about... what happened. :'''Herb''': So... you're apologizing? :'''BoJack''': Yes. I'm sorry. :'''Herb''': ''[casually]'' Okay. I don't forgive you. :'''BoJack''': ''[genuinely shocked]'' Herb, I said I'm sorry. :'''Herb''': Yeah, and I do not forgive you. :'''BoJack''': Uh, not sure you get what's happening here? This could be the last time that you... :'''Herb''': ''[interrupts angrily]'' '''''NO!''''' ''(climbing out of bed and walking to BoJack)'' I'm not gonna give you closure. '''''You don't get that!''''' ''[coughs]'' ''You'' have to live with the shitty thing ''you'' did for the rest of ''your life.'' You have to know that it's never, '''ever''' going to be okay! :'''BoJack''': ''[backing off]'' I '''really''' think that we'd both feel better if we'd just... :'''Herb''': ''I'm dying!'' I'm not gonna feel ''better!'' And I'm '''not''' gonna be ''your'' prop so '''''you''''' can feel better! ''[coughs again]'' :'''BoJack''': You have to believe me, I did everything I could. :'''Herb''': Yeah? Then why didn't you call me? Huh? Twenty years, and you didn't call me! :'''BoJack''': L-look, I wanted to, but I didn't think that... :'''Herb''': Do you know what it was like for me? I had nobody. '''Everybody''' left! I knew all those showbiz phonies would turn on me, sure... but '''you'''?! :'''BoJack''': It's not my fault you got fired. :'''Herb''': '''I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE JOB!''' I did fine. I had a good life. But what I needed then was... a friend. And you abandoned me. ''[walking back into bed]'' And I will '''''never''''' forgive you for that. ''Now get the '''fuck''' out of my house!'' <hr width=50% /> :'''Herb''': You know what your problem is? You want to think of yourself as the good guy. Well, I know you better than anyone, and I can tell you that you're '''not.''' In fact, you'd probably sleep a lot better at night if you just admitted to yourself that you're a '''selfish goddamn coward''' who takes whatever he wants, and doesn't give a ''shit'' about who he hurts. ''That's'' you. '''''That's''''' BoJack Horseman. :'''BoJack''': ...I don't know why I came here. :'''Herb''': ''Yeah. '''You do.''''' ===''Horse Majeure'' [1.09]=== :'''BoJack''': ''[sees Todd twirling car keys]'' Look who's not dead. :'''Todd''': Uh, better than not dead—you were looking at Mr. Peanutbutter's driver. :'''BoJack''': You're his driver? That's perfect! Now you can infiltrate Mr. Peanubutter's inner circle. :'''Todd''': I don't know, BoJack. :'''BoJack''': Sure, you'll act all friendly, gain his trust, chauffeur him around on his little errands to the groomer and whatnot, but all the while you'll be studying him, scouring out his weaknesses, biding your time till we're ready to strike. And once you zero in on his Achilles' heel, ''[grabs Todd menacingly]'' we will take him ''down''. :'''Todd''': Hooray... betrayal. <hr width=50% /> :''[BoJack turns to "Vincent Adultman" at the bar]'' :'''Vincent''': Hi. :'''BoJack''': So you're the quote-unquote "person singular" that everyone's so crazy about. What have you got figured out that I don't? :'''Vincent''': Uumm... Adult stuff? :'''BoJack''': Yeah, I'm not seeing it. But that doesn't matter. Not everything's about me. And maybe I am a little jealous. Not because I actually want to date Princess Carolyn anymore... but just because I don't like the idea that I can't. I guess I just assumed I always could. But I made a lot of bad decisions. Not just with her, with... ''[sighs]'' with everyone, really. ''[beat]'' You know, Princess Carolyn was right. You are a good listener. :'''Vincent''': Thanks. :'''BoJack''': You know, sometimes I feel like I was born with a leak, and any goodness I started with just slowly spilled out of me, and now it's all gone. And I'll never get it back in me. It's too late. ''[long beat]'' Life is a series of closing doors, isn't it? ''[Vincent tends to him with his broom hand]'' :'''Vincent''': Don't be sad. ''[strokes him]'' Good horsey. ''[continues stroking his head]'' :'''BoJack''': ..It actually feels kind of nice. ===''One Trick Pony'' [1.10]=== :'''A Ryan Seacrest Type''': ''[on Excess Hollywoo]'' I'm here with Hollywoo darling, [[Naomi Watts]]. Tell me, what attracted you to the role of Diane? :'''{{w|Naomi Watts}}''': I just keep getting pigeonholed as these complex characters in highly acclaimed movies. For once, I would just love to phone it in and play a two-dimensional girl in a rom com with no inner life of her own. That's kind of the reason I got into this business. :'''A Ryan Seacrest Type''': Ha ha! You said words! Now, is it true you stay in character between takes? :'''Watts''': Oh, we all do. The director insists upon it. He even has everyone calling me Diane to help me get in the headspace. It's been great. :''[cutaway to kitchen with Quentin Tarantulino and Diane]'' :'''Tarantulino''': Diane! Lookin' good. :'''Diane''': Um, thanks. :'''Tarantulino''': Ugh, not you. I was talking to Diane. ''[referring to Watts]'' :'''Watts''': Oh, thank you. :'''Tarantulino''': Now, where's my peanut butter? :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Right over here, Q. :'''Tarantulino''': No, I'm looking for peanut butter. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Oh, you mean BoJack? :'''Tarantulino''': If I wanted BoJack, I would call BoJack. ''[Wallace Shawn comes in dressed as BoJack]'' :'''{{w|Wallace Shawn}}''': Did someone call for BoJack? ''[cut back to Watts and Seacrest Type]'' :'''Watts''': It really cuts down on confusion. <hr width=50% /> :''[BoJack runs to Diane on the rooftop, after she sent first few chapters on BuzzFeed]'' :'''BoJack''': Uh, what the hell?! :'''Diane''': I know, I know. But if you just listen for— :'''BoJack''': You posted your dumb little book on the Internet? :'''Diane''': No, I just leaked the first few chapters and people are already talking about it! :'''BoJack''': This is wildly unprofessional. Who do you think you are? :'''Diane''': I know you're mad and you have every right to be, but you gotta read some of these comments. ''[BoJack wheezes in anger]'' People love you! And they're gonna love you even more when they read the rest of my book! :'''BoJack''': Your book?! :'''Diane''': ''Our'' book. :'''BoJack''': Nobody is gonna read that book. How do you still not get that? ''[stands up]'' It is never going to be published. :'''Diane''': BoJack, ''[stands up]'' I stand by my work. This is a really good book. And if you just give it time, you'll see! ''[BoJack wheezes and takes a deep sigh]'' :'''BoJack''': Maybe you're right. :'''Diane''': Really? :'''BoJack''': No. You're fired. ===''Downer Ending'' [1.11]=== :'''BoJack''': ''[reads "Dr. Allen Hu" calling card]'' Oh, it's ''Hu'', Dr. Hu! :'''Dr. Hu''': That's right. Dr. Hu, Dr. Allen Hu. :'''BoJack''': No, no, but I thought it was Who, like ''[[Doctor Who]]''. :'''Dr. Hu''': Yes, that's exactly what it's like. :'''BoJack''': No, not H-U, but Who, like, "Hello? Who is it?" :'''Dr. Hu''': Umm, I don't know. Who is it? ''[to Sarah Lynn]'' I'm s— I'm sorry, is this a joke? Is he telling a joke? 'Cause I just don't... :'''Sarah Lynn''': Hard to tell. Sometimes I just laugh after he talks, so he'll leave me alone. :'''BoJack''': Seriously? Am I the only one who knows the extremely popular {{w|BBC}} science-fiction show about the time travelling Doctor who saves civilisations? :'''Todd''': Ah! Yeah, I know what you're talking about. ''Doctor Who''! :'''Dr. Hu''': Yes? :'''BoJack''': No. Yes! Thank you, ''Doctor Who''! :'''Dr. Hu''': Yes? :'''Todd''': I saw the one where she goes to the Wild West. The Cheyenne called her [[Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman|Medicine Woman]]. :'''BoJack''': What? No, that's ''Dr. Quinn''! :'''Todd''': Who's Dr. Quinn? :'''Dr. Hu''': I most certainly am not. :'''Sarah Lynn''': Hu's not Dr. Quinn, Hu's Dr. Hu! :'''Todd''': I don't know! :'''Hu/Sarah/Todd''': Third base! <hr width=50% /> :'''Sarah Lynn''': Hey, this isn't fair! I don't have a gun! :'''BoJack''': Sarah Lynn is right. You know, if we all had guns, then no one would need a gun, and we would all be safe. Oh my God, I think we just solved the gun crisis in America! :'''Todd''': LET THEM EAT GUNS! ===''Later'' [1.12]=== :'''Dick Cavett''': When we booked you for this show, you just won the Triple Crown. But then, just this week, I open up the newspaper and look at this. "Secretariat Under Investigation". What am I supposed to do with that? :'''Secretariat''': Maybe it's a different Secretariat. ''[chuckles; audience laughs]'' No, but seriously, folks. There is no truth to these allegations. I have never bet on horse racing, and I certainly did not bet on my own races. Although I did bet the network's gonna give your show back to Joey Bishop. :'''Dick Cavett''': ''[chuckles]'' Okay. We get letters here on the show, and one particular letter, for you, actually, struck a chord with our producers. This is from BoJack H. BoJack is nine years old. BoJack writes, "Dear Secretariat, I am a horse just like you. I like to watch racing, and you are my favorite racer." :'''Secretariat''': Smart kid. :'''Dick Cavett''': "When I grow up, I want to be just like you, and I think I'm on the right track. Get it? Track, because horses run on tracks, and you are a horse, and I am a horse. Do you get it? Do you get my joke about the track?" Okay, there's a whole page of this. :'''Secretariat''': Should I write him back and tell him I get it? :'''Dick Cavett''': He goes on, "My question for you is, I am a good kid and I like to play and I like to go to school, but sometimes I get sad. What do you do when you get sad? How do you not be sad? Sincerely, BoJack." :'''Secretariat''': That's a great letter. BoJack, when I was your age, I got sad. A lot. Uh... I didn't come from such a great home, but one day, I started running and that seemed to make sense, so then I just kept running. BoJack, when you get sad, you run straight ahead a-and you keep running forward, no matter what. There are people in your life who are gonna try to hold you back, slow you down, but you don't let them. Don't you stop running and don't you ever look behind you. There's nothing for you behind you. All that exists is what's ahead. :''[one month later]'' :'''Announcer 1''': ''[via radio]'' "Good morning, Louisville! It's August 22nd, 1973." :''[see Secretariat at the edge of the John F. Kennedy Memorial Bridge]'' :'''Announcer 2''': "A sad day for the sport of horse racing. Secretariat banned for life from competition." :'''Announcer 1''': "It's a disgrace is what it is! This is the '70s! You can't cheat in sports and get away with it." :'''Announcer 2''': "You know, I think it just goes to show you—you can be the fastest runner in the world, but you can't outrun the truth." :''[Secretariat walks off the edge and falls into the Ohio River]'' :'''Announcer 3''': "And traffic is jammed today coming into Louisville. Looks like some idiot parked his car on the bridge." ==Season 2== ===''Brand New Couch'' [2.01]=== :''[in his trailer, a lonesome BoJack picks up Beatrice's call on his phone listening to his inspirational audiobook]'' :'''BoJack''': What do you want, Mom? :'''Beatrice''': Look who finally decided to pick up the phone. :'''BoJack''': Do you need more blood? :'''Beatrice''': I don't need blood. I read your book, BoJack. :'''BoJack''': ''[pause]'' Oh. :'''Beatrice''': It takes a real narcissist to think anyone wants to buy a book about him. You know how I feel about [[Anne Frank]]. :'''BoJack''': That was a diary. :'''Beatrice''': I read the parts about me. The things I said to you. You must think I'm a real monster. :'''BoJack''': Mom— :'''Beatrice''': I don't want to fight you, BoJack. I just wanted to tell you that I know. I know you want to be happy, but you won't be, and... I'm sorry. :'''BoJack''': What? :'''Beatrice''': It's not just you, you know. Your father and I, we... well... you come by it honestly, the ugliness inside of you. You were born broken, that's your birthright. And now you can fill your life with projects... your books and your movies and your little girlfriends, but it won't make you whole. You're BoJack Horseman. There's no cure for that. ===''Yesterdayland'' [2.02]=== :'''Diane''': Ugh. The first time BoJack dates a woman his own age, she's basically just a stunted 20-year-old. :'''Kelsey''': Well, BoJack's stunted, too. He got famous in his twenties, so he'll be in his twenties forever. After you get famous, you stop growing, you don't have to. Every celebrity has an age of stagnation. :'''Diane''': I'm glad I never got famous. I mean, I ''did'' write a best-selling book, but I'm not famous-famous. :'''Kelsey''': It doesn't just happen when you get famous. Your age of stagnation is when you stop growing. For most, it's when they get married, settle into a routine. You meet someone who loves you unconditionally and never challenges you or wants you to change, and then you never change. :'''Diane''': But mostly it's just the famous people, right? ===''Still Broken'' [2.03]=== :'''Princess Carolyn''': ''[having a conversation with BoJack]'' Hey, do you know what you're supposed to do with our date pits? Why would you serve dates and not have a place to put the pits? You know, some people just have no class. :'''BoJack''': What are you doing here? You didn't even know Herb. :'''Princess Carolyn''': No, but I do know a hot ticket, and this funeral's a real whom's-whom. {{w|Henry Winkler}}, {{w|Jake Gyllenhaal|Jake}} and [[Maggie Gyllenhaal|Maggot Gyllenhaal]], ''[see Sarah Lynn quarrel over taking [[Malala Yousafzai]]'s Nobel Prize]'' that Pakistani girl who keeps winning Nobel Prizes—I'm gonna go rub me some elbows. :'''BoJack''': There's so much to hate about what you just said. <hr width="50%"> :''[BoJack, Sarah Lynn, Bradley and Joelle reunite in Herb's old bedroom]'' :'''BoJack''': Hey, when was the last time all four of us were in the same room? :'''Joelle''': Probably not since the show ended. :'''Bradley''': Yeah, I left California pretty much right after. Now I got the biggest hardware store in Seattle! That's a lie. We're actually in Olympia. :'''Joelle''': And I'm on the {{w|West End theatre|West End}}, playing Juliet's... nurse. :'''Sarah Lynn''': And how are your kids? :'''Joelle''': Oh, I don't have any kids. :'''Sarah Lynn''': Oh, I just assumed you had a bunch of kids, 'cause, you know... your body? :'''BoJack''': Come on, Sarah Lynn... :'''Joelle''': I assumed you weren't still a massive {{w|cunt}}. ''[Sarah Lynn and Bradley cry out in shock]'' :'''BoJack''': Jesus Christ, Joelle! :'''Joelle''': That's an okay thing to say in England. :'''Sarah Lynn''': Shove it up your ass with a spoonful of sugar, you supercalifragilisticexpiali-bitch! ===''After the Party'' [2.04]=== :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' Um... do you want to talk about what happened? :'''Diane Nguyen:''' What happened? No. I don't want to talk about what happened. I just want to clean up. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' Okay. :'''Diane Nguyen:''' Why, what do you think happened? :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' I just... :'''Diane Nguyen:''' Because what I think happened is that BoJack's girlfriend asked what Tony Curtis was up to, and I said [[w:Tony Curtis|Tony Curtis]] died. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' Uh... :'''Diane Nguyen:''' And you said, "Did he?" :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' Right, but... :'''Diane Nguyen:''' And I said, "Yes, he did." And you said "Really? I'm not sure about that." :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' Yeah. :'''Diane Nguyen:''' And I said, "Well I am." And you said, "I'm not so sure." :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' Uh huh. :'''Diane Nguyen:''' And I said, "I'm telling you, Tony Curtis is dead." And you said, "Let's check the internet!" :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' No, I know, but... :'''Diane Nguyen:''' And I said, "We don't need to check the internet, I'm telling you, he's dead." And you said, "Let's just check though." :''[breaks plate in half]'' :'''Diane Nguyen:''' Is that what you think happened? :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' So, do you want to talk about it? Because it kind of feels like you want to talk about it. ===''Chickens'' [2.05]=== ===''Higher Love'' [2.06]=== ===''Hank After Dark'' [2.07]=== ===''Let's Find Out'' [2.08]=== :'''BoJack''': ''[meets {{w|Daniel Radcliffe}}]'' Hey, Daniel, good to see you. :'''[[Daniel Radcliffe]]''': Always nice to meet a fan! :'''BoJack''': No, I... sorry, I'm not a... I'm an actor. :'''Daniel''': Oh, good for you! It's a dreadful business, but hang in there. :'''BoJack''': No, I already did hang in there. I'm BoJack Horseman? We've actually met before. At {{w|Chris Martin}}'s holiday party? :'''Daniel''': ''[dubious]'' Hm? :'''BoJack''': We stepped outside for a smoke? To get away from Chris Martin? :'''Daniel''': Huh... :'''BoJack''': You opened up about your fear of success? I gave you some advice? You said I was a true friend and you would never forget me? :'''Daniel''': And you said your name was {{w|Chadwick Boseman}}? :'''BoJack''': BoJack Horseman. :'''Daniel''': Oh, I'm sorry. When you're as famous as I am, you meet so many people. ''[a shrivelled bird woman enters]'' :'''Bird Assistant''': Sorry, we need you guys back on set. :'''Daniel''': Hey! You were the second hairdresser's assistant on ''{{w|The Ellen Show}}'' about five years ago. Veronica, right? :'''Veronica''': Yeah, that's right. ''[Daniel walks off with her]'' :'''Daniel''': How was your mother's party in the end? ''[BoJack groans]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': ''[to BoJack in the rain live on-show]'' All I ever wanted was to be your friend... and you treat me like a big joke. You think I don't notice? Why don't you like me? :'''BoJack''': Mr. Peanutbutter— :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': No, tell me. :'''BoJack''': ..Because... I'm jealous. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Ugh, of what? Diane? :'''BoJack''': No. O-of everything. Everything comes so easy for you. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Oh, and it doesn't for you? You're a millionaire movie star with a girlfriend who loves you, acting in your dream movie. What more do you want? What else could the universe possibly owe you? :'''BoJack''': I... want to feel good about myself... the way you do. And I don't know how. I don't know if I can. :'''Daniel''': ''[holds an umbrella]'' Whoa, guys, this is getting a little heavy, don't we think? :'''BoJack''': I'm sorry, Mr. Peanutbutter. I can't tell you how sorry I am. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Wow, um... I don't know if I can forgive you. But I guess we'll find out right after this break! ===''The Shot'' [2.09]=== :'''Kelsey''': BoJack, sit down. You've just been told your brother is dead and that it's your fault. But this moment is bigger than that. This is the moment that Secretariat stops running. Because this is the moment you realize something inside you is broken, and it can never be fixed. ''[beat]'' We got it. :'''BoJack''': Really? I didn't cry. :'''Kelsey''': You didn't have to. <hr width="50%/> :'''BoJack''': Hey, where's Kelsey? :'''Turtletaub''': Oh, yeah, funny story. Turns out you two knuckleheads snuck out last night and got that shot I told you not to get for the scene that's not in the movie anymore. Uh, silly me, I didn't like that. So I fired her ass. ===''Yes And'' [2.10]=== :''[Mr. Peanutbutter talks to Diane on the phone, unaware that she's crashing in BoJack's house]'' :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Let me talk to one of the locals! I want to hear someone else talk about what a selfless hero my wife is! :'''Diane''': Oh, uhh... :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Aw, now come on! :'''Diane''': ''[gets off the couch]'' Most of the refugees got their tongues cut out. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Find one with a tongue! :'''Diane''': I don't think that's really-- :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Indulge me! :'''Diane''': Okay... ''[in a softer voice]'' Hello... I am refugee from village. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Hey, what's your name, superstar? :'''Diane''': ''[walks to the kitchen]'' Uh... my name is... :''[Diane sees a Skørmpf blender, an eBain water bottle and a Biatelli coffee maker]'' :'''Diane''': ..Coffee Maker? ''[slaps herself and grunts]'' :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Ah, Kofi Makir? Am I pronouncing that right? <hr width="50%/> :'''BoJack''': Now, lucky me, I get to stay here and work on this movie that's going to ruin my career. :'''Wanda''': Well, there's no reason to sulk about it. :'''Diane''': Or, you could sulk about it. :'''BoJack''': Diane does raise some good points. <hr width="50%/> :'''Diane''': Hey! There's a Cheez-It on the shelf! I knew I kept these things around for a reason. <hr width="50%/> :'''Todd''': ''[talks about joining Shenanigags]'' I want to become a Level Two, so I can finally achieve clarity on the main stage with the chosen ones. :'''Diane''': Oh, shit, Todd's in a cult. ''[sticks a knife in a beer can, pulls tab and drinks the side]'' :'''Todd''': What?! No! It's not a cult. It's just a dogmatic school of thought taught by a for-profit organization with the promise of social and professional opportunities. ''[Diane exhales]'' :'''BoJack''': It's a cult, and I know what I'm talking about. I learned a little about cults during that year I was a Scientologist. 'Cause coincidentally during that year I happened to read a book about cults. <hr width="50%/> :'''Diane''': Well, why does anything matter, right? Love is an illusion, and happiness is fleeting, and there's no such thing as God, and all your favorite musicians beat their wives. Allegedly. <hr width="50%/> :'''BoJack''': ''[Todd trips into huge pile of beer cans]'' Boo! Party foul! You knocked over Bucking-can Palace. :'''Todd''': Uh, sorry, I'll clean that up later. :'''BoJack''': Listen to this guy, "clean it up later." He hasn't picked up his shit in years. :'''Diane''': Pick up your shit, Todd! <hr width="50%/> :'''Princess Carolyn''': ''[on the phone]'' Hey, BoJack! What kind of pants are you wearing right now? :'''BoJack''': What? The normal kind? :'''Princess Carolyn''': Yeah? Are they comfy? A comfy pair of pants? :'''BoJack''': I guess. Why? :'''Princess Carolyn''': Oh, I was just wondering what kind of hit you're gonna take when the studio sues the pants off you for breach of contract. :'''BoJack''': They're suing me? Also, are you wearing comfortable shoes? Because that was a long road to walk to get to that punchline. <hr width="50%/> :'''Wanda''': I can't be around someone who's just fuelled by bitterness and negativity. :'''BoJack''': Well then, what are you doing here? :'''Wanda''': What happened, BoJack? :'''BoJack''': Same thing that always happens. You didn't know me. Then you fell in love with me. And now you know me. :'''Wanda''': You know, it's funny. When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. <hr width="50%/> :'''BoJack''': ''[talks to Diane about Mr. Peanutbutter]'' Why won't you go home? :'''Diane''': I should. I know I should. I wish I could just go home right now and crawl into bed and not have to talk about anything or explain anything. He would just say, "How was your day?" And then he would say, "Hey, did you know the monorail was invented by George Monorail?" And I would say, "I don't think that's true." And he would say, "Well, if he didn't invent it, he certainly perfected it." And I wouldn't have to say "I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I made things so difficult. I'm sorry I'm not the person I thought I was." I would just say, "My day was good." And he would say, "I love you." ''[BoJack pauses for a beat]'' :'''BoJack''': You know the longer you keep lying to him, the harder it's gonna get. ===''Escape from L.A.'' [2.11]=== :'''BoJack''': ''[after being caught in compromising positions with Penny]'' Charlotte, I'm so sorry! I-- :'''Charlotte''': Don't. Don't you dare. If you're not out of my driveway in thirty minutes, I will call the police. And if you ever try to contact me or my family again, ''I will '''fucking''' kill you. <hr width="50%/> :'''BoJack''': Oh, hey. You're still here. :'''Diane''': Yep. Still here. ===''Out to Sea'' [2.12]=== :'''Diane''': Idea for a new app: an undo button that can undo long amounts of time. Three months. A year. A life. One click and everything could just go back to the way it was. <hr width=50%/> :'''BoJack''': Thank you for that lovely song. But, I'm not a good person. In fact, this is the only good thing I've ever done. And I did it by accident. And it just goes to show you - life is just....ah, what am I saying? I don't have to tell you how hard life is. You're the ones with the dead parents. :'''Orphan''': MY PARENTS ARE DEAD?!?!? :'''BoJack''': No, no! not necessarily? Maybe they just didn't want you. ''[orphan starts to cry]'' :'''BoJack''': My point is, I don't understand how people live. It's amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say "Yeah! Another day! Let's do it!!" How do people do it? I don't know how. <hr width=50%/> :'''Todd''': Hey. I hope you find a way to be happy, BoJack. I really do. :'''BoJack''': Yeah. Okay. <hr width=50%/> :'''Todd''': I can't leave. I need to take suggestions. :'''BoJack''': Okay, well, here's a suggestion. Your name is Todd, you're twenty-four, you live on my couch, and you've always seen the good in me somehow. And now you've been brainwashed into thinking you belong here, but you don't. You belong back home. So if you're any kind of improviser, you'll take that suggestion, and you'll run with it. <hr width=50%/> :'''BoJack''': It was hashbrowns! Not pancakes. The first morning you stayed with me, you kept making them, and I kept eating them. And then I threw up in the pool and that made you throw up in the pool. And then I got mad at you for throwing up in my pool, but you said "I'll clean it up." :'''Todd''': And did I clean it up? :'''BoJack''': No. You didn't. I had to call the pool cleaner. :'''Todd''': ''[chuckles]'' :'''BoJack''': And you said "Thank you for letting me stay here, I don't have anywhere else to go." And I remember when you said that. I don't have anywhere else to go because I felt good about myself. And I... and I don't feel that way a lot. Letting you stay with me was the best thing I ever did on purpose. And I don't think I ever told you that, but I should have. Because you're my best friend, Todd. <hr width=50%/> :'''Jogging Baboon''': It gets easier. :'''BoJack''': Huh? :'''Jogging Baboon''': Everyday, it gets a little easier. :'''BoJack''': Yeah? :'''Jogging Baboon''': But you gotta do it everyday. That's the hard part. But it does get easier. ''[jogs away]'' :'''BoJack''': ''[to himself]'' Okay. <hr width=50%/> ==Season 3== ===''Start Spreading the News'' [3.01]=== :'''J.D. Salinger''': I'm taking the show off the air. :'''Pinky''': Wait, what? Why!? :'''J.D. Salinger''': I've told the story I wanted to tell. To prolong it for commercial reasons would be crass and inorganic. At long last, the public knows what Hollywoo stars and celebrities know and what they don't know. Did they know things? We found out. <hr width=50%/> :'''Pinky''': My wife was right about me. I <i>am</i> no Christopher-from-the-Tesla-dealership. <hr width=50%/> :'''Jill Pill''': It's a symbol for rebirth! :'''BoJack''': I'm not interested in being rebirthed, thank you. I'm still recovering from being birthed the first time. <hr width=50%/> :'''BoJack''': I don't know if I should win an Oscar. I don't know if I want to. :'''Ana''': Stop punishing yourself. :'''BoJack''': I'm not in the movie. I was in New Mexico. :'''Ana''': None of that matters. All that matters now is the story. And we get to decide what our story is. Nobody else gets to tell you what your story is. :'''BoJack''': What's my story? :'''Ana''': I'll tell you. This has been your dream for the last thirty years. You made it happen. An Oscar won't make you happy forever, it won't solve all your problems. You win that Oscar, the next day you go back to being you. But that night is a really good night. I think you deserve a really good night, and I know how to get you there. Do you want that? :'''BoJack''': Yes. I do. :'''Ana''': Go in there. Introduce your movie. Tell your story. ===''The BoJack Horseman Show'' [3.02]=== :'''Marv''': She kissed a girl? And she liked it? This, I gotta see. <hr width=50%/> :'''Princess Carolyn''': I'm done. That's it. I'm tired of bending over backwards for you anymore. :'''BoJack''': I mean this in all seriousness. Professionally or in bed? <hr width=50%/> :'''Princess Carolyn''': BoJack, you are amazing. You're bright and you're funny and you're handsome and you're talented. But if you can't see that, then you're the biggest, dumbest piece of shit in the world. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Wow, you're really in sync with this Justin guy! You should do all the things with him that I can't do like! Like eat chocolate or enjoy fireworks, or watch tennis. Why, tennis makes me so mad!! Why doesn't anyone catch the ball!? <hr width=50%/> :'''BoJack''': Cuddlywhiskers, let's give ourselves one night to stick our dick in this script and go balls-deep in the universe. :'''Cuddlywhiskers''': I'm in. ===''BoJack Kills'' [3.03]=== :'''Goober''': These orcas have the floppiest dorsal fins in town! And they can't wait to jump through hoops for you and your kids! Bring your prepubescent daughters, who are just beginning to be cognizant of a woman's role in the world. They won't internalize deeply problematic notions about the commodifications of sexuality in today's society! What are you talking about? It's just whales! <hr width=50%/> :'''Ana''': Diane, you'll keep up his internet presence? I want him trending by this afternoon. But good trending, not bad trending, you understand? :'''Diane''': Hashtag you betcha. Oh God, did I just say hashtag out loud? Hashtag, oops. Hashtag, oh no! :'''Ana''': I'm honestly more alarmed by the "you betcha." <hr width=50%/> :''''Princess Carolyn''': First things first! Don't go back in the house. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Sadly, you can call me [[LL Cool J]] because I am in the house. <hr width=50%/> :'''Princess Carolyn''': It smells like a skunk skunked a skunk and then smoked a joint! What happened? :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Well, first I rolled all over the couch to get the skunk stench out, but that did not work. So then I ran into every room to rub myself on all my clothes and belongings, you know, to get the Mr. Peanutbutter scent back. :'''Todd''': And then I smoked a joint. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Diane, where the hell are you? :'''Diane''': {{w|Ojai}}. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Oh, hi? You've been gone all night and all you have to say is "oh, hi?" <hr width=50%/> :'''Cuddlywhiskers''': Sometimes, you need to take responsibility for your own happiness. :'''Diane''': You don't think that's a little selfish? :'''Cuddlywhiskers''': I don't know what to tell you. I'm happy, for the first time in my life. And I'm not gonna feel bad about it. It takes a long time to realize how truly miserable you are, and even longer to see that it doesn't have to be that way. <hr width=50%/> ===''Fish Out of Water'' [3.04]=== :'''BoJack''': ''[talks to Ana on the phone]'' Why do I have to go to this thing? :'''Ana''': If we want to be a legitimate awards contender, Secretariat needs to make an appearance at a big festival. :'''BoJack''': I can't just go to {{w|Cannes Film Festival|Cannes}}? :'''Ana''': You Cannes not. Apparently, the French people do not care for you ever since you said that thing about them in the press. :'''BoJack''': Hey, I stand by my critique of [[Jean-Paul Sartre|Sartre]]. His philosophical arguments helped many tyrannical regimes justify overt cruelty. Also, the French smell and I hate them. :'''Ana''': And you can't go to {{w|Sundance Film Festival|Sundance}} because {{w|Robert Redford}} hates you. :'''BoJack''': Someone had to tell him ''{{w|The Horse Whisperer (film)|The Horse Whisperer}}'' was offensive. Sorry, but real horses don't just do whatever someone says. :'''Ana''': And that's why you need to go to this festival. :'''BoJack''': ''[sighs]'' If you say so. <hr width="50%"> :'''BoJack''': ''[written words]'' "Kelsey, in this terrifying world, all we have are the connections that we make. I'm sorry I got you fired. I'm sorry I never called you after." <hr width="50%"> :'''BoJack''': ''[after realizing that he could have let his voice be heard underwater by pressing a button on his helmet]'' Oh, you have got to be kiddi--! :''[cut to credits]'' ===''Love And/Or Marriage'' [3.05]=== :'''Bojack''': ''[convincing Tenisha in the bathroom''] Nobody completes anybody. That's not a real thing. If you're lucky enough to find someone you can halfway tolerate, you sink your nails in and you don't let go. No matter what. :'''Tenisha''': So what? I should just... settle? :'''Bojack''': Yes. Thank you. Exactly. Settle. Because otherwise you are just going to get older, and harder, and more alone. And you're going to do everything you can to fill that hole, with friends, and your career, and meaningless sex. But the hole doesn't get filled. And one day, you're gonna look around and you're gonna realize, that everybody loves you...but nobody likes you. And that is the loneliest feeling in the world. <hr width=50%/> :'''Diane''': ''[after falling down and breaking her wrist''] Ow! Drugs, I thought we were friends! ===''Brrap Brrap Pew Pew'' [3.06]=== :''[Excerpt of ''Get Dat Fetus Kill Dat Fetus'' seen in episode] :I'm a baby killer :Baby killing makes me horny :Alien's inside me :I'm gonna squash it like Sigourney <hr width=50%/> :'''Girl in waiting room''': Sextina's music makes me feel strong, like I can do anything. :'''Diane''': It doesn't offend you? What about the part where she says, "I hope and pray to God my little fetus has a soul / 'cause I want it to feel pain when I eject it from my hole"? :'''Girl''': It's a joke. You get that it's a joke, right? :'''Diane''': Well, obviously. :'''Girl''': Do you think she actually wants to shoot her fetus with a gun? ===''Stop the Presses'' [3.07]=== '''The closer''': There is something intimate about watching a person be herself... ===''Old Acquaintance'' [3.08]=== :'''Vanessa Gekko''': What's that I hear? Beep, beep. Someone's calling on the other line. That's strange. Hello? Oh, it's Oodles of Money calling. Will we accept the charges? :'''Rutabaga''': Why would Oodles of Money be calling collect? :'''Vanessa Gekko''': I don't know but do not accept the charges. We cannot afford it. <hr width=50% /> :'''BoJack''': Hold on. if this is a real thing, why would he call you and not me? :'''Sara Lynn''': Who knows? Why do people do anything? Why did I make the cartoon tree grandma from <i>Pocahontas</i> my emergency contact? <hr width=50% /> :'''Todd''': Turns out there's a huge market for a safe space for women! :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' Who knew? <hr width=50% /> :'''Captain Peanutbutter''': Look at those children. Little miracles, right? :'''Diane''': They're adorable. Not that I value them based on their looks! Because, of course, children in society today are often reduced to their cuteness. I can't wait to get to know your children as people, so I can specifically compliment them individually on the foundation of their characters. <hr width=50% /> :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': He's probably just razzin' ya. But he's a good dog. All bark, no bite. Oh, sorry! That's a labrador expression. I guess in human terms it would be: he's all talk, no shooting you with an assault rifle. :'''Diane''': Is that what you think humans do? :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Am I wrong? <hr width=50% /> :'''BoJack''': You gotta get me out of this thing. This asshole is giving me everything I ask for. What a nightmare. <hr width=50% /> :'''BoJack''': I figured you never wanted to see me again. :'''Kelsey''': I never want to see anyone again. <hr width=50% /> :'''Kelsey''': Are you just gonna do stupid bullshit for the rest of your life? :'''BoJack''': You mean like for work or, like, in general? <hr width=50% /> :'''Captain Peanutbutter''': Diane, do you ever look up at the stars and feel like they're tiny holes in the sky, sucking out all the oxygen and suddenly you can't breathe because you're thinking about how small you are and meaningless it all is? :'''Diane''': Uh... I guess? ===''Best Thing That Ever Happened'' [3.09]=== :'''BoJack''': I do love you by the way, I mean as much as I'm capable of loving anyone, which is never enough. ===''It's You'' [3.10]=== :'''BoJack''': Todd, I'm sorry, alright? I screwed up, I-I know I screwed up, I... :'''Todd''': Oh, great, of course! Here it comes! You can't keep doing this! You can't keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay! '''You need to be better!''' :'''BoJack''': I know, and I'm sorry, okay? I was drunk and there was all this pressure with the Oscar campaign, but now that it's over, I- I- I-- :'''Todd''': ''[more calmly]'' No. No, BoJack, just... stop. You are all the things that are wrong with you. It's not the alcohol, or the drugs, or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career, or when you were a kid, it's you. Alright? It's you. ... ''(dejectedly)'' Fuck, man. What else is there to say? ===''That's Too Much, Man!'' [3.11]=== :'''Sarah Lynn''': I'm with you, man. Everything sucks! Especially sobriety. Why would I make my body a temple? I've ''been'' to temple. Temple is super-boring. <hr width=50% /> :'''Sarah Lynn''': Let's get higher than a stilt-walker's dick! <hr width=50% /> :'''Ana Spanikopita''': After I almost drowned, I decided I would never again be weaker than water. So I became a lifeguard. On my first day of training, my instructor told me that there are going to be times when you'll see someone in trouble. You're going to want to rush in there and do whatever you can to save them. But you have to stop yourself. Because there are some people you can't save. Because those people will thrash and struggle, and try to take you down with them. :''[beat]'' :'''BoJack''': What does that have to do with me? <hr width=50%/> :'''Sarah Lynn''': ''[slumping over onto BoJack's shoulder]'' I wanna be an architect... :'''Planetarium Narrator (Neil deGrasse Tyson)''': Be it horse, cat, human or even lizard, our lives are but the briefest flashes in a universe that is billions of years old. :'''BoJack''': See, Sarah Lynn? We're not doomed. In the great grand scheme of things, we're just tiny specks that will one day be forgotten. So it doesn't matter what we did in the past or how we'll be remembered, the only thing that matters is right now, this moment. This one spectacular moment we are sharing together. Right, Sarah Lynn? ''[she doesn't respond]'' Sarah Lynn? ''[cut to black, stopping all music and sound]'' Sarah Lynn? ===''That Went Well'' [3.12]=== :'''BoJack''': The funeral [for Sarah Lynn] was huge. There was so many people there. I kept thinking "I did this to her." And everyone was just standing around like "Well, this was bound to happen." But... it wasn't bound to happen. :'''Diane''': I'm really sorry BoJack. :'''BoJack''': I don't know how to be, Diane. It doesn't get better and it doesn't get easier. I can't keep lying to myself, saying that I'm going to change. I'm poison. :'''Diane''': BoJack... :'''BoJack''': I come from poison. I have poison inside me, and I destroy everything I touch. That's my legacy. I have nothing to show for the life that I've lived, and I have nobody in my life who's better off for having known me. <hr width=50% /> :'''Emily''': Todd, can I ask you something? :'''Todd''': Of course. :'''Emily''': What's your deal? I feel like you like me but you don't like me, but you like me, and I don't know what that is. Are you gay? :'''Todd''': Woah. Why would you even-- :'''Emily''': You can tell me if you're gay. It's fine. This isn't the 1600s or some places in the present. :'''Todd''': I'm not gay. I mean, I don't think I am, but... I don't think I'm straight, either. I don't know what I am. I think I might be nothing. :'''Emily''': Oh. Well, that's okay. :'''Todd''': Yeah? :'''Emily''': Yeah, of course. <hr width=50% /> ==Season 4== ===''The Old Sugarman Place'' [4.02]=== :'''Joseph Sugarman''': Believe it or not, time's arrow neither stands still nor reverses. It merely marches forward. ===''Hooray! Todd Episode!'' [4.03]=== :'''BoJack''': I wouldn't want to be my daughter either. :'''Todd''': BoJack... :'''BoJack''': I mean, look what I do to the people I'm supposed to care about. I had sex with the one person I've ever seen you fall in love with! :'''Todd''': I guess they're not gonna put you in the Best Friends Hall of Fame, but... I don't know that I loved her. You know, I don't think I'm allowed to be in love. :'''BoJack''': Don't say that. You do so much for everybody, and all you ever asked for was a roof over your head and the occasional s'more in a baguette. :'''Todd''': I'm telling you, it's a million dollar idea! :'''BoJack''': I got more of you than I ever deserved. If you never talk to me again, I just want you to know I appreciate it. And... I appreciate you. :'''Todd''': Thanks. <hr width=50%/> :'''Todd''': I think I'm... asexual. :'''BoJack''': A sexual what? Dynamo? Deviant... :'''Todd''': No. Asexual. Not sexual. :'''BoJack''': Oh. :'''Todd''': I'm sure you think that's weird... :'''BoJack''': Are you kidding? That's amazing! Something I wish I was asexual. Maybe then I wouldn't have a strain of herpes! :'''Todd''': You have- :'''BoJack''': I know I have multiple strains, it was just for the joke. :'''Todd''': It's actually feels nice to finally say it out loud... I'm an asexual person. I'm asexual. <hr width=50%/> :'''Todd''': Welcome back, BoJack. It's good to see you. ===''Thoughts and Prayers'' [4.05]=== :'''Hollyhock''': I know this must be painful for you. :'''BoJack''': Not painful, boring. This place sucks. And if I'm not even getting credit for coming here, what's the point? :'''Hollyhock''': If only there was some way for her to connect the BoJack from the show with the BoJack who visits her every week... :'''BoJack''': Yeah. Too bad we can't... or can we!? :'''Hollyhock''': Can we what? :'''BoJack''': Put on a live episode of ''Horsin' Around'' in the nursing home! Yeah, yah! Good thinking, Hollyhock! :'''Hollyhock''': Umm... :'''BoJack''': We'll do ''Horsin' Around'' here at the home! She'll love it, cuz it's her son BoJack! :'''Hollyhock''': ''[sitting on a bench]'' Okay... :'''BoJack''': And then after the show, I- I'll come out and say hello, and she'll say "BoJack? Is that you?" And when her eyes spark with recognition, ''[sits down with Hollyhock]'' I'm gonna sit down next to her, I'm gonna squeeze her hand ''[puts his hand on Hollyhock's]'', and get real close and say... '''"Fuck you, Mom!"''' ===''Stupid Piece of Sh*t'' [4.06]=== :'''BoJack''': ''[thinking while waking up]'' Piece of shit. Stupid piece of shit. You're a real stupid piece of shit. But I know I'm a piece of shit. That at least makes me better than all the pieces of shit who don't know they're pieces of shit. Or is it worse? Breakfast. ''[cut to BoJack taking his pills]'' Oh, I don't deserve breakfast. Shut up. Don't feel sorry for yourself. What does that do? Get breakfast, you stupid fat-ass. ''[cut to BoJack sitting at the table eating cookies]'' These are cookies. This is not breakfast. You are eating '''cookies'''. Stop it! Stop eating cookies and go make yourself breakfast! Stop it! ''[BoJack takes another cookie]'' Don't eat one more cookie! Put that cookie down! Do not eat that cookie! ''[BoJack bites into the cookie]'' I can't believe you ate that cookie! <hr width=50% /> :'''BoJack''': ''[thinking to himself]'' Go talk to her, idiot. Drink first... No, you stupid alcoholic. ''Talk to your daughter.'' You're ruining her. You know that, right? No matter what, your poison is already in her. There's nothing you can do. "That's not true!" Yeah, it is, you stupid piece of shit! You're a real stupid piece of shit, and everywhere you go you destroy people! Of course your mother never loved you, what did you expect? That's why Sarah Lynn died! That's why Charlotte will never forgive you! What are you gonna do to Hollyhock!? '''What are you gonna do, asshole!?''' <big>'''SHUT UP!!!'''</big> <hr width=50% /> :'''BoJack''': ''[thinking to himself]'' You screw-up. You're making your daughter hate you. Which is... good, because look what happens when people love you! Look at Penny! And Herb! And Sarah Lynn! It's because you made them love you, BoJack. <hr width=50% /> :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Why are we at a bar? :'''BoJack''': We're just celebrating getting Doll back! :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': You don't wanna bring the doll back to your mom? :'''BoJack''': I will! We're just having a drink first! Relax! :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Okay... :'''BoJack''': ''[thinking to himself]'' He knows you're terrible. He's the biggest idiot in the world and even HE knows you're terrible! :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': So when did you get a daughter? She's new, right? Or was she always part of the gang? :'''BoJack''': I met her about a month ago. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Whoa! :'''BoJack''': Yeah. And it was great at first. But now I feel her getting attached, and I just know I'm gonna BoJack things up. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': "BoJack things up"? You mean, show up somewhere and be the life of the party? And then share a laugh with your good friend Mr. Peanutbutter? :'''BoJack''': No, obviously I meant screw everything up until she hates me. I don't think I can take that. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Well, maybe this time, don't do the thing that makes her hate you. :'''BoJack''': I don't want to, but every time she looks at me with those big innocent eyes, all I can think about is every shitty thing I've ever done, and I think, "I don't deserve that kind of love". :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Look, BoJack. I don't know a lot about balancing a state budget, or how a bill becomes a law. :'''BoJack''': Uh... :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': I don't know a lot about a lot of things! But I do know this: ''everybody'' deserves to be loved. <hr width=50% /> :'''BoJack''': If I'm shitty, that's just because I'm shitty. You're allowed to be mad at me, but you need to know that whatever I do, it's not your fault. :'''Hollyhock''': I know. I mean, I know, but I don't always ''know'', you know? Like, sometimes I have this tiny voice in the back of my head that goes, like, "Hey, everyone hates you! And they're not wrong to feel that way!" :'''BoJack''': I know what you mean. :'''Hollyhock''': That voice, the one that tells you you're worthless and stupid and ugly? :'''BoJack''': Yeah? :'''Hollyhock''': It goes away, right? It's just, like, a dumb teenage-girl thing, but then it goes away? :'''BoJack''': ''[smiling in spite of himself]'' Yeah. ===''The Judge'' [4.08]=== :'''BoJack''': Remind me what this show is? I mean, I know, but...remind me? :'''Felicity Huffman''': ''Felicity Huffman's Booty Academy''. It was supposed to be ''Felicity Huffman's Future Leaders of America'' but it got retooled a little by the network. :'''BoJack''': So are we judging who has the best booty? :'''Felicity Huffman''': Whoa, BoJack, no. That is so degrading! :'''BoJack''': So if it's not about their butts, then why is the other judge {{w|Sir Mix-A-Lot}}? :'''Sir Mix-A-Lot''': Because I'm an honest and impartial judge. And if there's one thing I'm famous for, it's that I CANNOT lie. :'''BoJack''': Yeah, I guess that would be the one thing. ===''Ruthie'' [4.09]=== :'''Princess Carolyn''': You wanna know what I do when I have a really horrible, awful, bad day? :'''BoJack''': What? :'''Princess Carolyn''': I imagine my great-great-great granddaughter in the future talking to her class about me. She's poised and funny, and tells people about me and how everything worked out in the end. And when I think about that, I think about how everything's going to work out. Because how else could she tell people? :'''BoJack''': But it's...fake. :'''Princess Carolyn''': Yeah, well...it makes me feel better. ===''lovin that cali lifestyle!!'' [4.10]=== :'''BoJack''': How did I not see it? All this time, I thought you were a terrible parent. And you were. But I blew it even worse. It turns out being a parent '''is'''... impossible. So I guess I can't be that mad at you. :'''Beatrice''': Mad at me!? No, Henrietta, this is the right thing. You'll see. :'''BoJack''': Maybe we deserve each other. :'''Beatrice''': Ah! Where is the girl? I made the girl coffee. :'''BoJack''': Jesus. You two and your coffee. ''[coming to a realization]'' Wait. No!.. ''[he runs to the coffee pot, shoving his way past Beatrice]'' :'''BoJack''': What did you put in this!? :'''Beatrice''': That's an old family secret. ''[he opens a cabinet, finds a bag of coffee beans, and takes out a container reading Chub-B-Gone]'' :'''BoJack''': Chub-B-Gone? :'''Beatrice''': Picks the pounds right off! :'''BoJack''': This whole time! :'''Beatrice''': Just until she learned to take it herself. :'''BoJack''': ''[slamming the container down onto the counter]'' Of course it was you! :'''Beatrice''': '''Henrietta!!''' :'''BoJack''': No!! All this "I don't know where I am who my son stuff is" is officially not cute anymore! You ruined the one good thing I had! The one thing I didn't ruin myself! But of course I did! Because I thought it was a good idea to give you one more chance! :'''Beatrice''': ''[confused]'' Where is Crackerjack? :'''BoJack''': '''Stop! You are out of chances!''' ==Season 5== ===''The Amelia Earhart Story'' [5.05]=== :'''BoJack''': Sartre was wrong. Physical pain is so much worse than prolonged emotional distress. What a hack! ===''Free Churro'' [5.06]=== :'''BoJack''': My Dad died about ten years ago of injuries he sustained during a duel. When your father dies, you ask yourself a lot of questions. Questions like, "Wait, did you say he died in a duel?" and "Who dies in a duel?". The whole thing was so stupid. Dad spent his entire life writing this book, but he couldn't get any stores to carry it, or any newspapers to review it. Finally, I guess this one newspaper thought he was pretty hilarious, because they ran a review and tore him to shreds. So, my father, ever the Proud Mary, decides he would not stand for this besmirchment of his honor. He claimed the critic didn't understand what it meant to be a man, so he demanded satisfaction in the form of pistols at dawn. He wrote the paper this letter, saying anyone who didn't like his book, he would challenge to a duel, anyone in the world. He'd even pay for airfare to San Francisco and a night in a hotel. Well, eventually this found its way to some kook in Montana, who was a batshit as he was and took him up on the offer. They met at Golden Gate Park and agreed ten paces, then shoot. But in the middle of the ten paces, Dad turned to ask the guy if he's actually read the book and what he thought, but not looking where he was going, tripped over an exposed root and bashed his head on a rock. : ---- :'''BoJack''': The weird thing about both your parents being dead is it means that you're next. I mean, you know, obviously it's not like there's a wait list for dying. Any one of us could get run over by a Snapchatting teen at any moment. And you would think that knowing that would make us more adventurous, and kind, and forgiving. But it makes us small, and stupid, and petty. I actually had a near-death experience, recently. A stunt went bad and I fell off a building. I'm an actor. I do my own stunts. I'm on this new show, "Philbert". I'm Philbert. Star of the show. It hasn't come out yet, but it's already getting Emmy buzz. Oh, speaking of buzz ''[inhales, takes out a container of pills]'' I've to take two of these every morning, but my days are so screwed up 'cause of the shooting schedule, I don't even know what morning means anymore. There's a joke in there somewhere, about a guy who's been to so many funerals, he doesn't even know what mourning means anymore. Let you guys figure that one out for yourselves. ''[gulps down the pills]'' Anyway, you know what I thought when I was falling off the building and I went into panic mode? The last thing that my stupid brain could come up with before I died? "Won't they be sorry." Cool thought, brain. : ----'''BoJack''': You know what it's like? It's like that show ''[[Becker]]'', you know, with Ted Danson? I watched the entire run of that show, hoping that it would get better, and it never did. It had all the right pieces, but it just-- it couldn't put them together. And when it got canceled, I was really bummed out, not because I liked the show, but because I knew it could be so much better, and now it never would be. And that's what losing a parent is like. It's like ''Becker''. Suddenly, you realize you'll never have the good relationship you wanted, and as long as they were alive, even though you'd never admit it, part of you, the stupidest goddamn part of you, was still holding on to that chance. And you didn't even realize it until that chance went away. "My mother is dead, and everything is worse now." Because now I know I will never have a mother who looks at me from across the room and says, "BoJack Horseman, I see you." But I guess to good to know. It's good to know that there is nobody looking out for me, that there never was, and there never will be. No, it's good to know that I am the only one that I can depend on. And I know that now and it's good. It's good that I know that. So... it's good that my mother is dead. ''[gulps and then sighs]'' Well. No point beating a dead horse. Beatrice Horseman was born in 1938, and she died in 2018, and I have no idea... what she wanted. ''[beat]'' Unless she just wanted what we all want... to be seen. ''[He walks over to the casket, opens it, and gets a shocked look on his face. He takes a piece of paper out of his pocket and looks at it and then his audience, a group of geckos.]'' Is this Funeral Parlor B? ---- === ''The Showstopper'' [5.11] === '''Gina''': ''[after a drug-addled BoJack strangles and almost kills her]'' '''What the fuck is wrong with you!?''' ===''The Stopped Show'' [5.12]=== :'''Stefani''': Diane! What have you been up to? Tell me everything. :'''Diane''': Actually, I've been working on a book of essays... :'''Stefani''': Okay, I was obviously asking to be polite, and it's very rude of you to assume that I care. I have news that's actually interesting... :'''Stefani''': You know what your problem is? You hold everyone to an impossible standard, including yourself. It's super helpful for writing hot-take shakedowns, and clickbait take-downs, but totally toxic for your personal life and internalized sense of self-worth, girl. :'''Diane''': But shouldn't we be asking more of ourselves - and of the people in our lives? :'''Stefani''': Of course. But we all fail, Diane. The world is unforgiving enough as it is. The least we could do is find ways to forgive each other and ourselves. :'''Diane''': Well, then maybe we should be more forgiving in our content, and maybe not publish so many take-downs? :'''Stefani''': ''[looks at her with condescending amusement]'' Oh, Diane. ==Season 6== ===''Xerox of a Xerox'' [6.12]=== :'''Biscuits Braxby''': Over these last two nights, you’ve drawn an outline of a person. A person who doesn’t think about others, a person who puts his own needs first. And over and over, other people get hurt, not necessarily because he means to hurt them, but because he just doesn’t care. This person I’m describing, is it a different person, or is it you? :'''BoJack''': ''[pause]'' Yeah. It’s me. ===''The View From Halfway Down'' [6.15]=== :'''Secretariat''': The weak breeze whispers nothing, the water screams sublime. His feet shift teeter-totter. Deep breath, stand back, it's time. Toes untouch the overpass, soon he's water bound. Eyes locked shut but peek to see the view from halfway down. [''the white door draws closer.''] I'm not done. Hold on, I'm not done. I'm not done. A little wind, a summer sun. A river rich and regal. A flood of fond endorphins brings a calm that knows no equal. You're flying now. You see things much more clear than from the ground. It's all okay, it would be, were you not now halfway down. Thrash to break from gravity, what now could slow the drop? All I'd give for toes to touch the safety back at top. [''the white door continues to draw closer.'] I changed my mind. I change my mind, I don't wanna- :'''Herb''': It's okay. :'''Secretariat''': But this is it, the deed is done, silence drowns the sound. Before I leaped I should have seen the view from halfway down! [''the white door draws closer and closer to Secretariat, sending him into a state of panic as he struggles to finish his poem.''] No! I really should have thought about the view from halfway down! :'''Herb''': Find your peace, big guy. Find it. :'''Secretariat''': I wish I could have known about the view from '''halfway dooown!''' [''the white door appears right behind Secretariat as he tumbles into the void inside.''] ===''Nice While it Lasted'' [6.16]=== :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Besides, I'm really trying to focus on myself right now. One day in therapy, I just blurted out: "Is my problem with women, any movie directed by Christopher Nolan? Because yes, women are involved, but it's never really about the women. It's about me. :'''BoJack''': That's actually somewhat astute. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': It occured to me: Are my self destructive patterns and unexamined cycles of co-dependency the popular Jim Carrey character 'The Mask'? Because 'Somebody stop me!'. :'''BoJack''': Are all of your breakthroughs phrased like that? :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Um, are all of my breakthroughs a British Prog-Rock Band from the 70s? Because 'Yes'. :---- :'''BoJack''': Yeah, well, what are you gonna do? Life's a bitch and then you die, right? :'''Diane''': Sometimes. Sometimes life's a bitch and then you keep living. :'''BoJack''': Yeah. :'''Diane''': But it's the nice night, huh? :'''BoJack''': Yeah. This is nice. ==Cast== *[[Will Arnett]] – BoJack Horseman *[[w:Amy Sedaris|Amy Sedaris]] – Princess Carolyn *[[w:Alison Brie|Alison Brie]] – Diane Nguyen *[[w:Paul F. Tompkins|Paul F. Tompkins]] – Mr. Peanutbutter *[[w:Aaron Paul|Aaron Paul]] – Todd Chavez ==Related== *[[Tuca & Bertie]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} * [http://www.netflix.com/WiMovie/70300800 ''BoJack Horseman''] at [[w:Netflix|Netflix]] * {{IMDb title |id=3398228}} * [http://bojackhorseman.com BoJack Horseman] * [https://www.sociomix.com/diaries/entertainment/10-life-changing-quotes-from-bojack-horseman-that-everyone-needs-to-hear/1614368159 ''BoJack Horseman''] Life-changing Quotes [[Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American comedy-drama TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American sitcoms]] [[Category:Flash adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated drama TV shows]] [[Category:American animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Black comedy TV shows]] [[Category:LGBT-related animated TV shows]] [[Category:LGBT-related sitcoms]] [[Category:LGBT-related drama TV shows]] [[Category:Surreal comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Comedy Central shows]] [[Category:Netflix shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about horses]] [[Category:American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:Television series by Netflix Animation]] [[Category:Single-camera sitcoms]] s74603yvb8b0pj2gsen5d2spcj669q3 3949254 3949253 2026-06-05T15:40:03Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949254 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:BoJack Horseman|BoJack Horseman]]''''' (2014–2020) is an Adult american animated comedy sitcom created by Raphael Bob-Waksberg. The series focuses on BoJack Horseman, the washed-up star of the mid-'90s sitcom ''Horsin' Around'', as he plans his big return to celebrity relevance with a tell-all autobiography that he dictates to his ghostwriter Diane Nguyen. BoJack also has to contend with the demands of his agent and on-again-off-again girlfriend Princess Carolyn, the misguided antics of his freeloading roommate Todd Chavez, and his frenemy Mr. Peanutbutter, who is also Nguyen's boyfriend. The series satirizes Hollywood, celebrity culture, and the film industry. ==Season 1== ===''BoJack Horseman: The BoJack Horseman Story, Chapter One'' [1.01]=== :'''Charlie Rose''': In 1987, the situation comedy ''Horsin' Around'' premiered on ABC. The show, in which a young, bachelor horse is forced to reevaluate his priorities when he agrees to raise three human children, was initially dismissed by critics as "broad" and "saccharine" and "not good". But the family comedy struck a chord with America and went on to air for nine seasons. The star of ''Horsin' Around'', BoJack Horseman, is our guest tonight. Welcome, BoJack. :'''BoJack''': It is good to be here, Charlie. Sorry I was late. The traffic... :'''Charlie Rose''': It's really no problem. :'''BoJack''': I parked in a handicapped spot, I hope that's okay. :'''Charlie Rose''': You parked in a—? :'''BoJack''': I'm sorry, ''disabled'' spot. Is that the... proper... nomenclature? :'''Charlie Rose''': Maybe you should move the car. :'''BoJack''': No, I don't think I should drive right now. I'm-I'm incredibly drunk. :'''Charlie Rose''': You're telling me that you're drunk right now? :'''BoJack''': Is it just me, or am I nailing this interview? I kind of feel like I'm nailing it. :'''Charlie Rose''': Yes. Anyway, we were talking about ''Horsin' Around''. To what do you attribute the show's wide appeal? :'''BoJack''': Charlie, listen, y'know, I know that it's very hip these days to shit all over ''Horsin' Around'', but at the time, I can tell you— Is it okay to say "shit"? :'''Charlie Rose''': Please don't. :'''BoJack''': 'Cause I— I think the show's actually pretty solid for what it is. It's not [[Henrik Ibsen|Ibsen]], sure—but look, for a lot of people, life is just one long, hard kick in the urethra. And sometimes, when you get home from a long day of getting kicked in the urethra, you just want to watch a show about good, likeable people who love each other. Where, y'know, no matter what happens, at the end of 30 minutes... everything's gonna turn out okay. Y'know, because in real life... Did I already say the thing about the urethra? :'''Charlie Rose''': Well, let's talk about real life. What have you been doing since the show's cancellation eighteen years ago? :'''BoJack''': That's a great question, Charlie. I, uh... Uh, I... ''[beat]'' Ummm... <hr width=50%/> :'''Todd''': Morning, sunshine! ''[BoJack groans]'' Why so gloomy, roomy? :'''BoJack''': First of all, we're not roommates. You are my houseguest. :'''Todd''': Well, we don't need to put labels on things. :'''BoJack''': You sleep on my couch and you don't pay rent. I've had tapeworms that are less parasitic. I don't even remember why I let you stay with me in the first place. :'''Todd''': Because my parents kicked me out and I had nowhere to go, and even though you don't want anyone to know it— :''[BoJack turns on the blender for Todd to finish his sentence before turning it off]'' :'''Todd''': ...you secretly have a good heart. :'''BoJack''': You told me they didn't approve of your "alternative lifestyle". I thought you were, like, a troubled gay teen or something. I didn't realize by "alternative lifestyle" that you meant you were lazy. :'''Todd''': That's on you for making assumptions. Also, if you're looking for the Toaster Strudels, I got really high last night and ate them all. :''[BoJack groans and he shuts the compartment door]'' :'''Todd''': Did you say you've had tapeworms? <hr width=50%/> :'''BoJack''': 'Neigh way, Jose!' I improvised that line. I mean, it was scripted, but I gave it the ol' BoJack spin. <hr width=50%/> :'''Todd''': Are you drunk? :'''BoJack''': Todd, I weigh 1200 pounds. It takes a lot of beer to get me drunk... Yes. <hr width=50%/> :'''Princess Carolyn''': I don't know how you expect me to love you when you so clearly hate yourself. <hr width=50%/> :'''BoJack''': As my agent, do you think I'm getting fat? :'''Princess Carolyn''': No way. You are in the prime of your life; you've never looked better! :'''BoJack''': And as my ex-girlfriend? :'''Princess Carolyn''': You look like a pile of crap ate a second pile of crap and then crapped out a third pile of crap. :'''BoJack''': Wait, so, which pile of crap am I? :'''Princess Carolyn''': The third one. :'''BoJack''': What? That's the worst one! <hr width=50%/> :'''Princess Carolyn''': So, are you available for Tuesday, or are you gonna be too busy masturbating to old pictures of yourself? :'''BoJack''': I told you, that's not what was happening that time. I was masturbating to what the picture represented! You walked in at the worst possible moment. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mafia Boss''': Señor Horseman, I will never forget your generosity today. You have made a powerful ally... for life! ''[smooches BoJack's cheek]'' Let's dance! :'''BoJack''': Todd, who was that guy? Who are all these people? :'''Todd''': Oh, you know, just a variety of folks from all walks of life. :'''BoJack''': Is this a quinceañera? :'''Todd''': Oh, so any party with Mexican teenage girls is a quinceañera. Now who's racist? <hr width=50%/> :'''Diane''': Do you know the story of the dad from [[The Brady Bunch]]? :'''BoJack''': The dad from The Brady Bunch? As I recall, he was raising three boys of his own. They were four men living all together, but they were all alone. That is profoundly sad. :'''Diane''': No, the story is that the guy who played the dad hated being on The Brady Bunch because he was a real actor, and he considered it beneath him. Sound familiar? :'''BoJack''': That's not all that was beneath him! ...Gay joke. Sorry, I'm better than that. :'''Diane''': Most people don't even get to do The Brady Bunch version of the thing they want to do with their lives. You're actually in a really good position now, because you can pretty much do anything you want. You're responsible for your own happiness, you know? :'''BoJack''': Good Lord, that's depressing. :'''Diane''': No, it's not. :'''BoJack''': I'm responsible for my own happiness? I can't even be responsible for my own breakfast! :''[In a flashback, BoJack is shown trying to pour cereal into a bowl. Only a few pieces come out at first, but then all of it comes out, overflowing onto the table.]'' :'''BoJack''': ''[groaning]'' Todd! I need help! ===''BoJack Hates the Troops'' [1.02]=== :'''BoJack''': Excuse me. ''[walks to two girls and a chicken girl]'' I just wanted you to know that you ruined someone else's night tonight. And I hope you have enough decency to at least feel a little bit crappy about it. :'''Girl''': Excuse me? :'''BoJack''': I was actually already in a bad mood but I thought maybe for one night, I could go out to a bar and try to forget about myself. But now because of you and your friends, I feel more self-conscious than ever. :'''Girl''': If we were bothering you so much, why didn't you just leave? :'''BoJack''': Because I didn't think of that and now I feel stupid! :'''Girl''': Look, I have a right to be here— :'''BoJack''': '''''NO''!!''' ''[the chicken girl lays an egg]'' Maybe because you're skinny and maybe 'cause you're pretty, you're used to getting away with things! But I want you to know that your actions have an ''effect'' on others, and I hate you! And you are a horrible person! And you not understanding that you're a horrible person doesn't make you less of a horrible person. :'''Girl''': ''[beat]'' You think I'm pretty? <hr width=50% /> :'''Tom Jumbo-Grumbo''': ''[live on MSNBSea]'' Our guest via satellite is Neal McBeal, a naval officer on leave from Afghanistan. Welcome to the program, Neal. :'''Neal McBeal''': Thank you, Tom. :'''BoJack''': Hey! I met this guy! :'''Tom''': All Neal wanted when he got home, and I emphasize—''from'' Afghanistan—was his favorite brand of breakfast muffins. But when he went to the supermarket and called dibs on the last box... Well, tell us what happened, Neal. :'''Neal''': BoJack Horseman, from the '90s sitcom ''Horsin' Around'', refused to respect my dibs. :'''Tom''': Have you no shame, BoJack Horseman?! Seen here sneezing at a Christmas party? :'''BoJack''': Oh, not the sneezing pic— Why do they always use the sneezing picture?! :'''Tom''': In the '90s, we laughed at your antics. Oh, how we laughed. "Ha ha ha," we chortled in rapturous glee. But when you deny the dibs called by our men and women on the frontlines, that is a sick joke, sir. A sick, sick joke indeed. And you'll forgive me if I chortle no longer—for, to me, there is nothing the least bit funny about stealing a meal from Neal McBeal, the Navy SEAL. ''[blows out water]'' :'''Todd''': Wait, wait, you stole muffins from a Navy SEAL? :'''BoJack''': I didn't know he was a Navy SEAL! I just thought he was a regular kind of seal. :'''Neal''': This is classic Hollywood elitism. BoJack Horseman thinks that because he was on TV, that makes him better than everybody. Well, guess what, BoJack! Now I'm on TV! So now I'm better than everybody! :'''Tom''': That's right, Neal! :'''BoJack''': You didn't even have dibs! You stupid sea cow! <hr width=50% /> :'''Tom''': Hold on. Just to clarify: since this morning, you've eaten all the muffins? :'''BoJack''': Yes, I ate all the muffins, because I have no self-control and I hate myself. <hr width=50% /> :'''Neal''': I spent a year in Afghanistan making America safer, and this is the thanks I get? :'''BoJack''': Really? You, specifically, made America safer? :'''Tom''': Well, BoJack, surely, even you would agree that the troops are heroes. :'''BoJack''': I don't agree to that. Maybe some of the troops are heroes, but not automatically. I'm sure a lot of the troops are jerks. Most people are jerks already, and it's not like giving a jerk a gun and telling him it's okay to kill people suddenly turns that jerk into a hero. :'''Tom''': What? Did you just say that the troops are jerks? :'''BoJack''': ...Oh, you took that the bad way, didn't you? <hr width=50% /> :'''Princess Carolyn''': BoJack, I'm gonna level with you, honey. This whole you-hating-the-troops thing is not great. :'''BoJack''': I don't hate the troops, I just hate one specific troop. I don't even hate him, I just think he's wrong about the muffins. <hr width=50% /> :'''Neal''': Say it, BoJack. Say I'm a hero. :'''BoJack''': You're a hero. The troops are all heroes, every single one. :'''Neal''': Great. :'''BoJack''': And I don't believe saying that cheapens the word and actually disrespects those we mean to honor by turning real people into political pawns. Also, I am not deeply ambivalent about a seemingly mandated celebration of our military by a nation that claims to value peace telling our children that violence is never the answer while refusing to hold our own government to the same standard. Furthermore, I do not find it unbelievably appropriate that this conversation is taking place on reality television, a genre which thrives on chopping the complexities of our era into easily digestible chunks of empty catchphrases. <hr width=50% /> :'''BoJack''': You know what the problem is with everybody? They all just want to hear what they already believe. No one ever wants to hear the truth. ===''Prickly-Muffin'' [1.03]=== :'''Todd''': The reason I have called this house meeting is because— :'''BoJack''': Todd, how many times have we been over this? You don't have the authority to call house meetings. Only I can call a house meeting. You can ''propose'' a house meeting. :'''Todd''': All right, fine, fine, fine, but the reason I propose this house meeting— :'''BoJack''': Your proposal has been submitted and is under board review. *sips beer* Proposal denied. :'''Todd''': BoJack, this Sarah Lynn thing is getting out of control, okay? She's taking advantage of you. :'''BoJack''': What? No, she's not. We have a special relationship. You couldn't possibly understand. :'''Todd''': Oh, my God, look at what she's done to your house! All right, look, I mean, I stepped on a needle earlier. I think I'm addicted to heroin now, so now that's probably gonna be a whole thing. :'''Diane''': I have to say, I agree with Todd. You're not this girl's father and you're not doing her any favors by refusing to set boundaries. :'''BoJack''': Look, I played a dad for nine years on TV, so I think I know a little bit more about parenting than you two jokers. The kids on ''Horsin' Around'' didn't need boundaries. All they needed was some good, old-fashioned love. :'''Todd''': BoJack!! This is not a TV show, okay? This is real life! ''[a flaming lemur runs around the room]'' :'''Lemur''': Lemur on fire!! Lemur on fire!! ''[crashes through wall; pan back to BoJack, Diane and Todd]'' :'''BoJack''': Some good, old-fashioned love, and I'm gonna give it to her. I'm gonna give it to her so... hard. ''[leaves; Todd turns to Diane]'' :'''Todd''': Y'know, I feel like we don't ever hang out. <hr width=50% /> :'''BoJack''': The most important thing is, you got to give the people what they want, even if it kills you, even if it empties you out until there's nothing left to empty. No matter what happens, no matter how much it hurts, you don't stop dancing, and you don't stop smiling, and you give those people what they want. <hr width=50% /> :'''Sarah Lynn''': America needs to know that I'm not that little girl anymore. I'm a grown up, sophisticated woman now, and I have sex, and I do sexy things. People like sex, okay? And since I'm sexy right now, they like me. :'''A Ryan Seacrest Type''': Are you at all worried that audiences will grow bored and abandon you for the next sexy thing? :'''Sarah Lynn''': Are you kidding? I'm Sarah-freaking-Lynn. I'm gonna be sexy forever! ===''Zoës and Zeldas'' [1.04]=== Gloria Steinem, one of the leading lights of modern feminism. You will surely go down in the annals of history just as surely as Lisa Lampanelli will go down in the locker room of the Houston Rockets. :'''Z''oë''''': My pumpkin's throwing up because Halloween encourages excessive consumption of refined sugar at a time when obesity rates are sky high. Plus, Halloween costumes are a gateway to casual racism. ===''Live Fast, Diane Nguyen'' [1.05]=== :'''Todd''': ''[sing-song]'' Todd bless these scrambled eggs, eggs from the fridge, sunny side them and guide them— :'''BoJack's Voice''': "''Todd! Stop singing your dumb scrambled egg song!" :'''Todd''': Who said that? :'''BoJack's Voice''': "''If you're wondering who said that, it's this note that you're reading. You're hearing my voice in your head because that's how reading works.''" :'''Todd''': Oh, yeah. :'''BoJack's Voice''': "''As you might've noticed, Todd, I've left you home alone for the day, and frankly I already regret that decision. Here's what you need to do: nothing. Don't touch my stuff and don't make a mess. Pick me up at the airport tomorrow and until then: DON'T. DO. ANYTHING.''" :''[Todd stays still for a long pause; he then sneezes himself with egg all over]'' :'''Todd''': Well, seal's broken. Might as well enjoy myself. ===''Our A-Story is a "D" Story'' [1.06]=== :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': ''[claps slowly]'' Well, you pulled it off, ya deviant. Get it? D-viant? :'''BoJack''': I got it. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Tell me. How are you gonna complete your giant bracelet with the chain-link fence from Dodger Stadium?! :'''BoJack''': No! ''[beat]'' How'd you figure out it was me? :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Oh, how did I figure it out? Well, I just followed the clues, used deduction, puzzle-solving, a little bit of forensics, and also, what did I do? Oh, I listened to the voicemail you left me saying you were stealing the D because of Diane so I could, and I quote, "Suck your D"! :'''BoJack''': Stop leaving voicemails! :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Admit it! You like my girlfriend! :'''BoJack''': Oh, come on! I mean, am I attracted to her? Sure. Do my days feel better when I'm around her? Yeah. Does she get me in ways no woman ever has? Indubitably. Do I fantasize about her? Yes, but only in two positions. Look, am I the kind of guy who would try to steal someone else's girlfriend? Sure, of course, but do I like her? The answer's no. You have nothing to worry about. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': I'll cut you a deal. I help you get rid of that D, and you never talk to Diane again. :'''BoJack''': Well, I have to talk to her, 'cause she's writing my book. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Okay. But just don't pursue her romantically? ''[BoJack exchange hands]'' :'''BoJack''': Deal. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Ha! I knew I'd get that handshake! :'''BoJack''': I regret this already. ===''Say Anything'' [1.07]=== :'''Princess Carolyn''': You gotta get your shit together. So you took some licks, but you're gonna bounce back! Because you're talented, you're smart, and damn it, you're good! You are a goddamn American treasure, you know that? You are BoJack goddamn Horseman. So get the hell off my lawn! :'''BoJack''': Ohh... Here I thought I was at the drive-through at Carl's Jr. How much did I have to drink last night? :'''Princess Carolyn''': Last night? Oh, you've been on a bender for the last two weeks, ever since you found out Diane got engaged to Mr. Peanutbutter. :'''BoJack''': Diane got engaged to Mr. Peanutbutter?! I need a drink. :'''Princess Carolyn''': No! No more drinking! You've been out of control. ''[cutaway to BoJack hanging out with an old man at night]'' :'''BoJack''': Princess Carolyn, look. I met [[w:John Stamos|John Stamos]]! :'''Princess Carolyn''': That is not John Stamos! ''[next scene shows both of them by morning]'' :'''BoJack''': Hey, Princess Carolyn! John Stamos and I got our ears pierced. :'''Princess Carolyn''': That is not your ear! ''[next scene shows BoJack all by himself, upset]'' :'''BoJack''': Princess Carolyn... John Stamos died! ''[on his knees, cries]'' Why? Why, God? Why did you take John Stamos?! ''[back to present]'' That doesn't sound so bad. :'''Princess Carolyn''': Oh, I forgot to mention—you were naked for a lot of that. ''[cutaway to naked BoJack pounding the grass]'' :'''BoJack''': ''Stamoooss''!! :'''Princess Carolyn''': Also, it wasn't here. It was at my office. ''[cutaway to naked BoJack crying at the office]'' :'''BoJack''': We thought night swimming would be fun, but the current was too strong! ===''The Telescope'' [1.08]=== :'''BoJack''': Hey, I wanted to talk to you about... you know... I feel bad... about... what happened. :'''Herb''': So... you're apologizing? :'''BoJack''': Yes. I'm sorry. :'''Herb''': ''[casually]'' Okay. I don't forgive you. :'''BoJack''': ''[genuinely shocked]'' Herb, I said I'm sorry. :'''Herb''': Yeah, and I do not forgive you. :'''BoJack''': Uh, not sure you get what's happening here? This could be the last time that you... :'''Herb''': ''[interrupts angrily]'' '''''NO!''''' ''(climbing out of bed and walking to BoJack)'' I'm not gonna give you closure. '''''You don't get that!''''' ''[coughs]'' ''You'' have to live with the shitty thing ''you'' did for the rest of ''your life.'' You have to know that it's never, '''ever''' going to be okay! :'''BoJack''': ''[backing off]'' I '''really''' think that we'd both feel better if we'd just... :'''Herb''': ''I'm dying!'' I'm not gonna feel ''better!'' And I'm '''not''' gonna be ''your'' prop so '''''you''''' can feel better! ''[coughs again]'' :'''BoJack''': You have to believe me, I did everything I could. :'''Herb''': Yeah? Then why didn't you call me? Huh? Twenty years, and you didn't call me! :'''BoJack''': L-look, I wanted to, but I didn't think that... :'''Herb''': Do you know what it was like for me? I had nobody. '''Everybody''' left! I knew all those showbiz phonies would turn on me, sure... but '''you'''?! :'''BoJack''': It's not my fault you got fired. :'''Herb''': '''I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE JOB!''' I did fine. I had a good life. But what I needed then was... a friend. And you abandoned me. ''[walking back into bed]'' And I will '''''never''''' forgive you for that. ''Now get the '''fuck''' out of my house!'' <hr width=50% /> :'''Herb''': You know what your problem is? You want to think of yourself as the good guy. Well, I know you better than anyone, and I can tell you that you're '''not.''' In fact, you'd probably sleep a lot better at night if you just admitted to yourself that you're a '''selfish goddamn coward''' who takes whatever he wants, and doesn't give a ''shit'' about who he hurts. ''That's'' you. '''''That's''''' BoJack Horseman. :'''BoJack''': ...I don't know why I came here. :'''Herb''': ''Yeah. '''You do.''''' ===''Horse Majeure'' [1.09]=== :'''BoJack''': ''[sees Todd twirling car keys]'' Look who's not dead. :'''Todd''': Uh, better than not dead—you were looking at Mr. Peanutbutter's driver. :'''BoJack''': You're his driver? That's perfect! Now you can infiltrate Mr. Peanubutter's inner circle. :'''Todd''': I don't know, BoJack. :'''BoJack''': Sure, you'll act all friendly, gain his trust, chauffeur him around on his little errands to the groomer and whatnot, but all the while you'll be studying him, scouring out his weaknesses, biding your time till we're ready to strike. And once you zero in on his Achilles' heel, ''[grabs Todd menacingly]'' we will take him ''down''. :'''Todd''': Hooray... betrayal. <hr width=50% /> :''[BoJack turns to "Vincent Adultman" at the bar]'' :'''Vincent''': Hi. :'''BoJack''': So you're the quote-unquote "person singular" that everyone's so crazy about. What have you got figured out that I don't? :'''Vincent''': Uumm... Adult stuff? :'''BoJack''': Yeah, I'm not seeing it. But that doesn't matter. Not everything's about me. And maybe I am a little jealous. Not because I actually want to date Princess Carolyn anymore... but just because I don't like the idea that I can't. I guess I just assumed I always could. But I made a lot of bad decisions. Not just with her, with... ''[sighs]'' with everyone, really. ''[beat]'' You know, Princess Carolyn was right. You are a good listener. :'''Vincent''': Thanks. :'''BoJack''': You know, sometimes I feel like I was born with a leak, and any goodness I started with just slowly spilled out of me, and now it's all gone. And I'll never get it back in me. It's too late. ''[long beat]'' Life is a series of closing doors, isn't it? ''[Vincent tends to him with his broom hand]'' :'''Vincent''': Don't be sad. ''[strokes him]'' Good horsey. ''[continues stroking his head]'' :'''BoJack''': ..It actually feels kind of nice. ===''One Trick Pony'' [1.10]=== :'''A Ryan Seacrest Type''': ''[on Excess Hollywoo]'' I'm here with Hollywoo darling, [[Naomi Watts]]. Tell me, what attracted you to the role of Diane? :'''{{w|Naomi Watts}}''': I just keep getting pigeonholed as these complex characters in highly acclaimed movies. For once, I would just love to phone it in and play a two-dimensional girl in a rom com with no inner life of her own. That's kind of the reason I got into this business. :'''A Ryan Seacrest Type''': Ha ha! You said words! Now, is it true you stay in character between takes? :'''Watts''': Oh, we all do. The director insists upon it. He even has everyone calling me Diane to help me get in the headspace. It's been great. :''[cutaway to kitchen with Quentin Tarantulino and Diane]'' :'''Tarantulino''': Diane! Lookin' good. :'''Diane''': Um, thanks. :'''Tarantulino''': Ugh, not you. I was talking to Diane. ''[referring to Watts]'' :'''Watts''': Oh, thank you. :'''Tarantulino''': Now, where's my peanut butter? :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Right over here, Q. :'''Tarantulino''': No, I'm looking for peanut butter. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Oh, you mean BoJack? :'''Tarantulino''': If I wanted BoJack, I would call BoJack. ''[Wallace Shawn comes in dressed as BoJack]'' :'''{{w|Wallace Shawn}}''': Did someone call for BoJack? ''[cut back to Watts and Seacrest Type]'' :'''Watts''': It really cuts down on confusion. <hr width=50% /> :''[BoJack runs to Diane on the rooftop, after she sent first few chapters on BuzzFeed]'' :'''BoJack''': Uh, what the hell?! :'''Diane''': I know, I know. But if you just listen for— :'''BoJack''': You posted your dumb little book on the Internet? :'''Diane''': No, I just leaked the first few chapters and people are already talking about it! :'''BoJack''': This is wildly unprofessional. Who do you think you are? :'''Diane''': I know you're mad and you have every right to be, but you gotta read some of these comments. ''[BoJack wheezes in anger]'' People love you! And they're gonna love you even more when they read the rest of my book! :'''BoJack''': Your book?! :'''Diane''': ''Our'' book. :'''BoJack''': Nobody is gonna read that book. How do you still not get that? ''[stands up]'' It is never going to be published. :'''Diane''': BoJack, ''[stands up]'' I stand by my work. This is a really good book. And if you just give it time, you'll see! ''[BoJack wheezes and takes a deep sigh]'' :'''BoJack''': Maybe you're right. :'''Diane''': Really? :'''BoJack''': No. You're fired. ===''Downer Ending'' [1.11]=== :'''BoJack''': ''[reads "Dr. Allen Hu" calling card]'' Oh, it's ''Hu'', Dr. Hu! :'''Dr. Hu''': That's right. Dr. Hu, Dr. Allen Hu. :'''BoJack''': No, no, but I thought it was Who, like ''[[Doctor Who]]''. :'''Dr. Hu''': Yes, that's exactly what it's like. :'''BoJack''': No, not H-U, but Who, like, "Hello? Who is it?" :'''Dr. Hu''': Umm, I don't know. Who is it? ''[to Sarah Lynn]'' I'm s— I'm sorry, is this a joke? Is he telling a joke? 'Cause I just don't... :'''Sarah Lynn''': Hard to tell. Sometimes I just laugh after he talks, so he'll leave me alone. :'''BoJack''': Seriously? Am I the only one who knows the extremely popular {{w|BBC}} science-fiction show about the time travelling Doctor who saves civilisations? :'''Todd''': Ah! Yeah, I know what you're talking about. ''Doctor Who''! :'''Dr. Hu''': Yes? :'''BoJack''': No. Yes! Thank you, ''Doctor Who''! :'''Dr. Hu''': Yes? :'''Todd''': I saw the one where she goes to the Wild West. The Cheyenne called her [[Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman|Medicine Woman]]. :'''BoJack''': What? No, that's ''Dr. Quinn''! :'''Todd''': Who's Dr. Quinn? :'''Dr. Hu''': I most certainly am not. :'''Sarah Lynn''': Hu's not Dr. Quinn, Hu's Dr. Hu! :'''Todd''': I don't know! :'''Hu/Sarah/Todd''': Third base! <hr width=50% /> :'''Sarah Lynn''': Hey, this isn't fair! I don't have a gun! :'''BoJack''': Sarah Lynn is right. You know, if we all had guns, then no one would need a gun, and we would all be safe. Oh my God, I think we just solved the gun crisis in America! :'''Todd''': LET THEM EAT GUNS! ===''Later'' [1.12]=== :'''Dick Cavett''': When we booked you for this show, you just won the Triple Crown. But then, just this week, I open up the newspaper and look at this. "Secretariat Under Investigation". What am I supposed to do with that? :'''Secretariat''': Maybe it's a different Secretariat. ''[chuckles; audience laughs]'' No, but seriously, folks. There is no truth to these allegations. I have never bet on horse racing, and I certainly did not bet on my own races. Although I did bet the network's gonna give your show back to Joey Bishop. :'''Dick Cavett''': ''[chuckles]'' Okay. We get letters here on the show, and one particular letter, for you, actually, struck a chord with our producers. This is from BoJack H. BoJack is nine years old. BoJack writes, "Dear Secretariat, I am a horse just like you. I like to watch racing, and you are my favorite racer." :'''Secretariat''': Smart kid. :'''Dick Cavett''': "When I grow up, I want to be just like you, and I think I'm on the right track. Get it? Track, because horses run on tracks, and you are a horse, and I am a horse. Do you get it? Do you get my joke about the track?" Okay, there's a whole page of this. :'''Secretariat''': Should I write him back and tell him I get it? :'''Dick Cavett''': He goes on, "My question for you is, I am a good kid and I like to play and I like to go to school, but sometimes I get sad. What do you do when you get sad? How do you not be sad? Sincerely, BoJack." :'''Secretariat''': That's a great letter. BoJack, when I was your age, I got sad. A lot. Uh... I didn't come from such a great home, but one day, I started running and that seemed to make sense, so then I just kept running. BoJack, when you get sad, you run straight ahead a-and you keep running forward, no matter what. There are people in your life who are gonna try to hold you back, slow you down, but you don't let them. Don't you stop running and don't you ever look behind you. There's nothing for you behind you. All that exists is what's ahead. :''[one month later]'' :'''Announcer 1''': ''[via radio]'' "Good morning, Louisville! It's August 22nd, 1973." :''[see Secretariat at the edge of the John F. Kennedy Memorial Bridge]'' :'''Announcer 2''': "A sad day for the sport of horse racing. Secretariat banned for life from competition." :'''Announcer 1''': "It's a disgrace is what it is! This is the '70s! You can't cheat in sports and get away with it." :'''Announcer 2''': "You know, I think it just goes to show you—you can be the fastest runner in the world, but you can't outrun the truth." :''[Secretariat walks off the edge and falls into the Ohio River]'' :'''Announcer 3''': "And traffic is jammed today coming into Louisville. Looks like some idiot parked his car on the bridge." ==Season 2== ===''Brand New Couch'' [2.01]=== :''[in his trailer, a lonesome BoJack picks up Beatrice's call on his phone listening to his inspirational audiobook]'' :'''BoJack''': What do you want, Mom? :'''Beatrice''': Look who finally decided to pick up the phone. :'''BoJack''': Do you need more blood? :'''Beatrice''': I don't need blood. I read your book, BoJack. :'''BoJack''': ''[pause]'' Oh. :'''Beatrice''': It takes a real narcissist to think anyone wants to buy a book about him. You know how I feel about [[Anne Frank]]. :'''BoJack''': That was a diary. :'''Beatrice''': I read the parts about me. The things I said to you. You must think I'm a real monster. :'''BoJack''': Mom— :'''Beatrice''': I don't want to fight you, BoJack. I just wanted to tell you that I know. I know you want to be happy, but you won't be, and... I'm sorry. :'''BoJack''': What? :'''Beatrice''': It's not just you, you know. Your father and I, we... well... you come by it honestly, the ugliness inside of you. You were born broken, that's your birthright. And now you can fill your life with projects... your books and your movies and your little girlfriends, but it won't make you whole. You're BoJack Horseman. There's no cure for that. ===''Yesterdayland'' [2.02]=== :'''Diane''': Ugh. The first time BoJack dates a woman his own age, she's basically just a stunted 20-year-old. :'''Kelsey''': Well, BoJack's stunted, too. He got famous in his twenties, so he'll be in his twenties forever. After you get famous, you stop growing, you don't have to. Every celebrity has an age of stagnation. :'''Diane''': I'm glad I never got famous. I mean, I ''did'' write a best-selling book, but I'm not famous-famous. :'''Kelsey''': It doesn't just happen when you get famous. Your age of stagnation is when you stop growing. For most, it's when they get married, settle into a routine. You meet someone who loves you unconditionally and never challenges you or wants you to change, and then you never change. :'''Diane''': But mostly it's just the famous people, right? ===''Still Broken'' [2.03]=== :'''Princess Carolyn''': ''[having a conversation with BoJack]'' Hey, do you know what you're supposed to do with our date pits? Why would you serve dates and not have a place to put the pits? You know, some people just have no class. :'''BoJack''': What are you doing here? You didn't even know Herb. :'''Princess Carolyn''': No, but I do know a hot ticket, and this funeral's a real whom's-whom. {{w|Henry Winkler}}, {{w|Jake Gyllenhaal|Jake}} and [[Maggie Gyllenhaal|Maggot Gyllenhaal]], ''[see Sarah Lynn quarrel over taking [[Malala Yousafzai]]'s Nobel Prize]'' that Pakistani girl who keeps winning Nobel Prizes—I'm gonna go rub me some elbows. :'''BoJack''': There's so much to hate about what you just said. <hr width="50%"> :''[BoJack, Sarah Lynn, Bradley and Joelle reunite in Herb's old bedroom]'' :'''BoJack''': Hey, when was the last time all four of us were in the same room? :'''Joelle''': Probably not since the show ended. :'''Bradley''': Yeah, I left California pretty much right after. Now I got the biggest hardware store in Seattle! That's a lie. We're actually in Olympia. :'''Joelle''': And I'm on the {{w|West End theatre|West End}}, playing Juliet's... nurse. :'''Sarah Lynn''': And how are your kids? :'''Joelle''': Oh, I don't have any kids. :'''Sarah Lynn''': Oh, I just assumed you had a bunch of kids, 'cause, you know... your body? :'''BoJack''': Come on, Sarah Lynn... :'''Joelle''': I assumed you weren't still a massive {{w|cunt}}. ''[Sarah Lynn and Bradley cry out in shock]'' :'''BoJack''': Jesus Christ, Joelle! :'''Joelle''': That's an okay thing to say in England. :'''Sarah Lynn''': Shove it up your ass with a spoonful of sugar, you supercalifragilisticexpiali-bitch! ===''After the Party'' [2.04]=== :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' Um... do you want to talk about what happened? :'''Diane Nguyen:''' What happened? No. I don't want to talk about what happened. I just want to clean up. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' Okay. :'''Diane Nguyen:''' Why, what do you think happened? :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' I just... :'''Diane Nguyen:''' Because what I think happened is that BoJack's girlfriend asked what Tony Curtis was up to, and I said [[w:Tony Curtis|Tony Curtis]] died. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' Uh... :'''Diane Nguyen:''' And you said, "Did he?" :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' Right, but... :'''Diane Nguyen:''' And I said, "Yes, he did." And you said "Really? I'm not sure about that." :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' Yeah. :'''Diane Nguyen:''' And I said, "Well I am." And you said, "I'm not so sure." :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' Uh huh. :'''Diane Nguyen:''' And I said, "I'm telling you, Tony Curtis is dead." And you said, "Let's check the internet!" :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' No, I know, but... :'''Diane Nguyen:''' And I said, "We don't need to check the internet, I'm telling you, he's dead." And you said, "Let's just check though." :''[breaks plate in half]'' :'''Diane Nguyen:''' Is that what you think happened? :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' So, do you want to talk about it? Because it kind of feels like you want to talk about it. ===''Chickens'' [2.05]=== ===''Higher Love'' [2.06]=== ===''Hank After Dark'' [2.07]=== ===''Let's Find Out'' [2.08]=== :'''BoJack''': ''[meets {{w|Daniel Radcliffe}}]'' Hey, Daniel, good to see you. :'''[[Daniel Radcliffe]]''': Always nice to meet a fan! :'''BoJack''': No, I... sorry, I'm not a... I'm an actor. :'''Daniel''': Oh, good for you! It's a dreadful business, but hang in there. :'''BoJack''': No, I already did hang in there. I'm BoJack Horseman? We've actually met before. At {{w|Chris Martin}}'s holiday party? :'''Daniel''': ''[dubious]'' Hm? :'''BoJack''': We stepped outside for a smoke? To get away from Chris Martin? :'''Daniel''': Huh... :'''BoJack''': You opened up about your fear of success? I gave you some advice? You said I was a true friend and you would never forget me? :'''Daniel''': And you said your name was {{w|Chadwick Boseman}}? :'''BoJack''': BoJack Horseman. :'''Daniel''': Oh, I'm sorry. When you're as famous as I am, you meet so many people. ''[a shrivelled bird woman enters]'' :'''Bird Assistant''': Sorry, we need you guys back on set. :'''Daniel''': Hey! You were the second hairdresser's assistant on ''{{w|The Ellen Show}}'' about five years ago. Veronica, right? :'''Veronica''': Yeah, that's right. ''[Daniel walks off with her]'' :'''Daniel''': How was your mother's party in the end? ''[BoJack groans]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': ''[to BoJack in the rain live on-show]'' All I ever wanted was to be your friend... and you treat me like a big joke. You think I don't notice? Why don't you like me? :'''BoJack''': Mr. Peanutbutter— :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': No, tell me. :'''BoJack''': ..Because... I'm jealous. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Ugh, of what? Diane? :'''BoJack''': No. O-of everything. Everything comes so easy for you. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Oh, and it doesn't for you? You're a millionaire movie star with a girlfriend who loves you, acting in your dream movie. What more do you want? What else could the universe possibly owe you? :'''BoJack''': I... want to feel good about myself... the way you do. And I don't know how. I don't know if I can. :'''Daniel''': ''[holds an umbrella]'' Whoa, guys, this is getting a little heavy, don't we think? :'''BoJack''': I'm sorry, Mr. Peanutbutter. I can't tell you how sorry I am. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Wow, um... I don't know if I can forgive you. But I guess we'll find out right after this break! ===''The Shot'' [2.09]=== :'''Kelsey''': BoJack, sit down. You've just been told your brother is dead and that it's your fault. But this moment is bigger than that. This is the moment that Secretariat stops running. Because this is the moment you realize something inside you is broken, and it can never be fixed. ''[beat]'' We got it. :'''BoJack''': Really? I didn't cry. :'''Kelsey''': You didn't have to. <hr width="50%/> :'''BoJack''': Hey, where's Kelsey? :'''Turtletaub''': Oh, yeah, funny story. Turns out you two knuckleheads snuck out last night and got that shot I told you not to get for the scene that's not in the movie anymore. Uh, silly me, I didn't like that. So I fired her ass. ===''Yes And'' [2.10]=== :''[Mr. Peanutbutter talks to Diane on the phone, unaware that she's crashing in BoJack's house]'' :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Let me talk to one of the locals! I want to hear someone else talk about what a selfless hero my wife is! :'''Diane''': Oh, uhh... :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Aw, now come on! :'''Diane''': ''[gets off the couch]'' Most of the refugees got their tongues cut out. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Find one with a tongue! :'''Diane''': I don't think that's really-- :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Indulge me! :'''Diane''': Okay... ''[in a softer voice]'' Hello... I am refugee from village. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Hey, what's your name, superstar? :'''Diane''': ''[walks to the kitchen]'' Uh... my name is... :''[Diane sees a Skørmpf blender, an eBain water bottle and a Biatelli coffee maker]'' :'''Diane''': ..Coffee Maker? ''[slaps herself and grunts]'' :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Ah, Kofi Makir? Am I pronouncing that right? <hr width="50%/> :'''BoJack''': Now, lucky me, I get to stay here and work on this movie that's going to ruin my career. :'''Wanda''': Well, there's no reason to sulk about it. :'''Diane''': Or, you could sulk about it. :'''BoJack''': Diane does raise some good points. <hr width="50%/> :'''Diane''': Hey! There's a Cheez-It on the shelf! I knew I kept these things around for a reason. <hr width="50%/> :'''Todd''': ''[talks about joining Shenanigags]'' I want to become a Level Two, so I can finally achieve clarity on the main stage with the chosen ones. :'''Diane''': Oh, shit, Todd's in a cult. ''[sticks a knife in a beer can, pulls tab and drinks the side]'' :'''Todd''': What?! No! It's not a cult. It's just a dogmatic school of thought taught by a for-profit organization with the promise of social and professional opportunities. ''[Diane exhales]'' :'''BoJack''': It's a cult, and I know what I'm talking about. I learned a little about cults during that year I was a Scientologist. 'Cause coincidentally during that year I happened to read a book about cults. <hr width="50%/> :'''Diane''': Well, why does anything matter, right? Love is an illusion, and happiness is fleeting, and there's no such thing as God, and all your favorite musicians beat their wives. Allegedly. <hr width="50%/> :'''BoJack''': ''[Todd trips into huge pile of beer cans]'' Boo! Party foul! You knocked over Bucking-can Palace. :'''Todd''': Uh, sorry, I'll clean that up later. :'''BoJack''': Listen to this guy, "clean it up later." He hasn't picked up his shit in years. :'''Diane''': Pick up your shit, Todd! <hr width="50%/> :'''Princess Carolyn''': ''[on the phone]'' Hey, BoJack! What kind of pants are you wearing right now? :'''BoJack''': What? The normal kind? :'''Princess Carolyn''': Yeah? Are they comfy? A comfy pair of pants? :'''BoJack''': I guess. Why? :'''Princess Carolyn''': Oh, I was just wondering what kind of hit you're gonna take when the studio sues the pants off you for breach of contract. :'''BoJack''': They're suing me? Also, are you wearing comfortable shoes? Because that was a long road to walk to get to that punchline. <hr width="50%/> :'''Wanda''': I can't be around someone who's just fuelled by bitterness and negativity. :'''BoJack''': Well then, what are you doing here? :'''Wanda''': What happened, BoJack? :'''BoJack''': Same thing that always happens. You didn't know me. Then you fell in love with me. And now you know me. :'''Wanda''': You know, it's funny. When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. <hr width="50%/> :'''BoJack''': ''[talks to Diane about Mr. Peanutbutter]'' Why won't you go home? :'''Diane''': I should. I know I should. I wish I could just go home right now and crawl into bed and not have to talk about anything or explain anything. He would just say, "How was your day?" And then he would say, "Hey, did you know the monorail was invented by George Monorail?" And I would say, "I don't think that's true." And he would say, "Well, if he didn't invent it, he certainly perfected it." And I wouldn't have to say "I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I made things so difficult. I'm sorry I'm not the person I thought I was." I would just say, "My day was good." And he would say, "I love you." ''[BoJack pauses for a beat]'' :'''BoJack''': You know the longer you keep lying to him, the harder it's gonna get. ===''Escape from L.A.'' [2.11]=== :'''BoJack''': ''[after being caught in compromising positions with Penny]'' Charlotte, I'm so sorry! I-- :'''Charlotte''': Don't. Don't you dare. If you're not out of my driveway in thirty minutes, I will call the police. And if you ever try to contact me or my family again, ''I will '''fucking''' kill you. <hr width="50%/> :'''BoJack''': Oh, hey. You're still here. :'''Diane''': Yep. Still here. ===''Out to Sea'' [2.12]=== :'''Diane''': Idea for a new app: an undo button that can undo long amounts of time. Three months. A year. A life. One click and everything could just go back to the way it was. <hr width=50%/> :'''BoJack''': Thank you for that lovely song. But, I'm not a good person. In fact, this is the only good thing I've ever done. And I did it by accident. And it just goes to show you - life is just....ah, what am I saying? I don't have to tell you how hard life is. You're the ones with the dead parents. :'''Orphan''': MY PARENTS ARE DEAD?!?!? :'''BoJack''': No, no! not necessarily? Maybe they just didn't want you. ''[orphan starts to cry]'' :'''BoJack''': My point is, I don't understand how people live. It's amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say "Yeah! Another day! Let's do it!!" How do people do it? I don't know how. <hr width=50%/> :'''Todd''': Hey. I hope you find a way to be happy, BoJack. I really do. :'''BoJack''': Yeah. Okay. <hr width=50%/> :'''Todd''': I can't leave. I need to take suggestions. :'''BoJack''': Okay, well, here's a suggestion. Your name is Todd, you're twenty-four, you live on my couch, and you've always seen the good in me somehow. And now you've been brainwashed into thinking you belong here, but you don't. You belong back home. So if you're any kind of improviser, you'll take that suggestion, and you'll run with it. <hr width=50%/> :'''BoJack''': It was hashbrowns! Not pancakes. The first morning you stayed with me, you kept making them, and I kept eating them. And then I threw up in the pool and that made you throw up in the pool. And then I got mad at you for throwing up in my pool, but you said "I'll clean it up." :'''Todd''': And did I clean it up? :'''BoJack''': No. You didn't. I had to call the pool cleaner. :'''Todd''': ''[chuckles]'' :'''BoJack''': And you said "Thank you for letting me stay here, I don't have anywhere else to go." And I remember when you said that. I don't have anywhere else to go because I felt good about myself. And I... and I don't feel that way a lot. Letting you stay with me was the best thing I ever did on purpose. And I don't think I ever told you that, but I should have. Because you're my best friend, Todd. <hr width=50%/> :'''Jogging Baboon''': It gets easier. :'''BoJack''': Huh? :'''Jogging Baboon''': Everyday, it gets a little easier. :'''BoJack''': Yeah? :'''Jogging Baboon''': But you gotta do it everyday. That's the hard part. But it does get easier. ''[jogs away]'' :'''BoJack''': ''[to himself]'' Okay. <hr width=50%/> ==Season 3== ===''Start Spreading the News'' [3.01]=== :'''J.D. Salinger''': I'm taking the show off the air. :'''Pinky''': Wait, what? Why!? :'''J.D. Salinger''': I've told the story I wanted to tell. To prolong it for commercial reasons would be crass and inorganic. At long last, the public knows what Hollywoo stars and celebrities know and what they don't know. Did they know things? We found out. <hr width=50%/> :'''Pinky''': My wife was right about me. I <i>am</i> no Christopher-from-the-Tesla-dealership. <hr width=50%/> :'''Jill Pill''': It's a symbol for rebirth! :'''BoJack''': I'm not interested in being rebirthed, thank you. I'm still recovering from being birthed the first time. <hr width=50%/> :'''BoJack''': I don't know if I should win an Oscar. I don't know if I want to. :'''Ana''': Stop punishing yourself. :'''BoJack''': I'm not in the movie. I was in New Mexico. :'''Ana''': None of that matters. All that matters now is the story. And we get to decide what our story is. Nobody else gets to tell you what your story is. :'''BoJack''': What's my story? :'''Ana''': I'll tell you. This has been your dream for the last thirty years. You made it happen. An Oscar won't make you happy forever, it won't solve all your problems. You win that Oscar, the next day you go back to being you. But that night is a really good night. I think you deserve a really good night, and I know how to get you there. Do you want that? :'''BoJack''': Yes. I do. :'''Ana''': Go in there. Introduce your movie. Tell your story. ===''The BoJack Horseman Show'' [3.02]=== :'''Marv''': She kissed a girl? And she liked it? This, I gotta see. <hr width=50%/> :'''Princess Carolyn''': I'm done. That's it. I'm tired of bending over backwards for you anymore. :'''BoJack''': I mean this in all seriousness. Professionally or in bed? <hr width=50%/> :'''Princess Carolyn''': BoJack, you are amazing. You're bright and you're funny and you're handsome and you're talented. But if you can't see that, then you're the biggest, dumbest piece of shit in the world. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Wow, you're really in sync with this Justin guy! You should do all the things with him that I can't do like! Like eat chocolate or enjoy fireworks, or watch tennis. Why, tennis makes me so mad!! Why doesn't anyone catch the ball!? <hr width=50%/> :'''BoJack''': Cuddlywhiskers, let's give ourselves one night to stick our dick in this script and go balls-deep in the universe. :'''Cuddlywhiskers''': I'm in. ===''BoJack Kills'' [3.03]=== :'''Goober''': These orcas have the floppiest dorsal fins in town! And they can't wait to jump through hoops for you and your kids! Bring your prepubescent daughters, who are just beginning to be cognizant of a woman's role in the world. They won't internalize deeply problematic notions about the commodifications of sexuality in today's society! What are you talking about? It's just whales! <hr width=50%/> :'''Ana''': Diane, you'll keep up his internet presence? I want him trending by this afternoon. But good trending, not bad trending, you understand? :'''Diane''': Hashtag you betcha. Oh God, did I just say hashtag out loud? Hashtag, oops. Hashtag, oh no! :'''Ana''': I'm honestly more alarmed by the "you betcha." <hr width=50%/> :''''Princess Carolyn''': First things first! Don't go back in the house. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Sadly, you can call me [[LL Cool J]] because I am in the house. <hr width=50%/> :'''Princess Carolyn''': It smells like a skunk skunked a skunk and then smoked a joint! What happened? :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Well, first I rolled all over the couch to get the skunk stench out, but that did not work. So then I ran into every room to rub myself on all my clothes and belongings, you know, to get the Mr. Peanutbutter scent back. :'''Todd''': And then I smoked a joint. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Diane, where the hell are you? :'''Diane''': {{w|Ojai}}. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Oh, hi? You've been gone all night and all you have to say is "oh, hi?" <hr width=50%/> :'''Cuddlywhiskers''': Sometimes, you need to take responsibility for your own happiness. :'''Diane''': You don't think that's a little selfish? :'''Cuddlywhiskers''': I don't know what to tell you. I'm happy, for the first time in my life. And I'm not gonna feel bad about it. It takes a long time to realize how truly miserable you are, and even longer to see that it doesn't have to be that way. <hr width=50%/> ===''Fish Out of Water'' [3.04]=== :'''BoJack''': ''[talks to Ana on the phone]'' Why do I have to go to this thing? :'''Ana''': If we want to be a legitimate awards contender, Secretariat needs to make an appearance at a big festival. :'''BoJack''': I can't just go to {{w|Cannes Film Festival|Cannes}}? :'''Ana''': You Cannes not. Apparently, the French people do not care for you ever since you said that thing about them in the press. :'''BoJack''': Hey, I stand by my critique of [[Jean-Paul Sartre|Sartre]]. His philosophical arguments helped many tyrannical regimes justify overt cruelty. Also, the French smell and I hate them. :'''Ana''': And you can't go to {{w|Sundance Film Festival|Sundance}} because {{w|Robert Redford}} hates you. :'''BoJack''': Someone had to tell him ''{{w|The Horse Whisperer (film)|The Horse Whisperer}}'' was offensive. Sorry, but real horses don't just do whatever someone says. :'''Ana''': And that's why you need to go to this festival. :'''BoJack''': ''[sighs]'' If you say so. <hr width="50%"> :'''BoJack''': ''[written words]'' "Kelsey, in this terrifying world, all we have are the connections that we make. I'm sorry I got you fired. I'm sorry I never called you after." <hr width="50%"> :'''BoJack''': ''[after realizing that he could have let his voice be heard underwater by pressing a button on his helmet]'' Oh, you have got to be kiddi--! :''[cut to credits]'' ===''Love And/Or Marriage'' [3.05]=== :'''Bojack''': ''[convincing Tenisha in the bathroom''] Nobody completes anybody. That's not a real thing. If you're lucky enough to find someone you can halfway tolerate, you sink your nails in and you don't let go. No matter what. :'''Tenisha''': So what? I should just... settle? :'''Bojack''': Yes. Thank you. Exactly. Settle. Because otherwise you are just going to get older, and harder, and more alone. And you're going to do everything you can to fill that hole, with friends, and your career, and meaningless sex. But the hole doesn't get filled. And one day, you're gonna look around and you're gonna realize, that everybody loves you...but nobody likes you. And that is the loneliest feeling in the world. <hr width=50%/> :'''Diane''': ''[after falling down and breaking her wrist''] Ow! Drugs, I thought we were friends! ===''Brrap Brrap Pew Pew'' [3.06]=== :''[Excerpt of ''Get Dat Fetus Kill Dat Fetus'' seen in episode] :I'm a baby killer :Baby killing makes me horny :Alien's inside me :I'm gonna squash it like Sigourney <hr width=50%/> :'''Girl in waiting room''': Sextina's music makes me feel strong, like I can do anything. :'''Diane''': It doesn't offend you? What about the part where she says, "I hope and pray to God my little fetus has a soul / 'cause I want it to feel pain when I eject it from my hole"? :'''Girl''': It's a joke. You get that it's a joke, right? :'''Diane''': Well, obviously. :'''Girl''': Do you think she actually wants to shoot her fetus with a gun? ===''Stop the Presses'' [3.07]=== '''The closer''': There is something intimate about watching a person be herself... ===''Old Acquaintance'' [3.08]=== :'''Vanessa Gekko''': What's that I hear? Beep, beep. Someone's calling on the other line. That's strange. Hello? Oh, it's Oodles of Money calling. Will we accept the charges? :'''Rutabaga''': Why would Oodles of Money be calling collect? :'''Vanessa Gekko''': I don't know but do not accept the charges. We cannot afford it. <hr width=50% /> :'''BoJack''': Hold on. if this is a real thing, why would he call you and not me? :'''Sara Lynn''': Who knows? Why do people do anything? Why did I make the cartoon tree grandma from <i>Pocahontas</i> my emergency contact? <hr width=50% /> :'''Todd''': Turns out there's a huge market for a safe space for women! :'''Mr. Peanutbutter:''' Who knew? <hr width=50% /> :'''Captain Peanutbutter''': Look at those children. Little miracles, right? :'''Diane''': They're adorable. Not that I value them based on their looks! Because, of course, children in society today are often reduced to their cuteness. I can't wait to get to know your children as people, so I can specifically compliment them individually on the foundation of their characters. <hr width=50% /> :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': He's probably just razzin' ya. But he's a good dog. All bark, no bite. Oh, sorry! That's a labrador expression. I guess in human terms it would be: he's all talk, no shooting you with an assault rifle. :'''Diane''': Is that what you think humans do? :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Am I wrong? <hr width=50% /> :'''BoJack''': You gotta get me out of this thing. This asshole is giving me everything I ask for. What a nightmare. <hr width=50% /> :'''BoJack''': I figured you never wanted to see me again. :'''Kelsey''': I never want to see anyone again. <hr width=50% /> :'''Kelsey''': Are you just gonna do stupid bullshit for the rest of your life? :'''BoJack''': You mean like for work or, like, in general? <hr width=50% /> :'''Captain Peanutbutter''': Diane, do you ever look up at the stars and feel like they're tiny holes in the sky, sucking out all the oxygen and suddenly you can't breathe because you're thinking about how small you are and meaningless it all is? :'''Diane''': Uh... I guess? ===''Best Thing That Ever Happened'' [3.09]=== :'''BoJack''': I do love you by the way, I mean as much as I'm capable of loving anyone, which is never enough. ===''It's You'' [3.10]=== :'''BoJack''': Todd, I'm sorry, alright? I screwed up, I-I know I screwed up, I... :'''Todd''': Oh, great, of course! Here it comes! You can't keep doing this! You can't keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay! '''You need to be better!''' :'''BoJack''': I know, and I'm sorry, okay? I was drunk and there was all this pressure with the Oscar campaign, but now that it's over, I- I- I-- :'''Todd''': ''[more calmly]'' No. No, BoJack, just... stop. You are all the things that are wrong with you. It's not the alcohol, or the drugs, or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career, or when you were a kid, it's you. Alright? It's you. ... ''(dejectedly)'' Fuck, man. What else is there to say? ===''That's Too Much, Man!'' [3.11]=== :'''Sarah Lynn''': I'm with you, man. Everything sucks! Especially sobriety. Why would I make my body a temple? I've ''been'' to temple. Temple is super-boring. <hr width=50% /> :'''Sarah Lynn''': Let's get higher than a stilt-walker's dick! <hr width=50% /> :'''Ana Spanikopita''': After I almost drowned, I decided I would never again be weaker than water. So I became a lifeguard. On my first day of training, my instructor told me that there are going to be times when you'll see someone in trouble. You're going to want to rush in there and do whatever you can to save them. But you have to stop yourself. Because there are some people you can't save. Because those people will thrash and struggle, and try to take you down with them. :''[beat]'' :'''BoJack''': What does that have to do with me? <hr width=50%/> :'''Sarah Lynn''': ''[slumping over onto BoJack's shoulder]'' I wanna be an architect... :'''Planetarium Narrator (Neil deGrasse Tyson)''': Be it horse, cat, human or even lizard, our lives are but the briefest flashes in a universe that is billions of years old. :'''BoJack''': See, Sarah Lynn? We're not doomed. In the great grand scheme of things, we're just tiny specks that will one day be forgotten. So it doesn't matter what we did in the past or how we'll be remembered, the only thing that matters is right now, this moment. This one spectacular moment we are sharing together. Right, Sarah Lynn? ''[she doesn't respond]'' Sarah Lynn? ''[cut to black, stopping all music and sound]'' Sarah Lynn? ===''That Went Well'' [3.12]=== :'''BoJack''': The funeral [for Sarah Lynn] was huge. There was so many people there. I kept thinking "I did this to her." And everyone was just standing around like "Well, this was bound to happen." But... it wasn't bound to happen. :'''Diane''': I'm really sorry BoJack. :'''BoJack''': I don't know how to be, Diane. It doesn't get better and it doesn't get easier. I can't keep lying to myself, saying that I'm going to change. I'm poison. :'''Diane''': BoJack... :'''BoJack''': I come from poison. I have poison inside me, and I destroy everything I touch. That's my legacy. I have nothing to show for the life that I've lived, and I have nobody in my life who's better off for having known me. <hr width=50% /> :'''Emily''': Todd, can I ask you something? :'''Todd''': Of course. :'''Emily''': What's your deal? I feel like you like me but you don't like me, but you like me, and I don't know what that is. Are you gay? :'''Todd''': Woah. Why would you even-- :'''Emily''': You can tell me if you're gay. It's fine. This isn't the 1600s or some places in the present. :'''Todd''': I'm not gay. I mean, I don't think I am, but... I don't think I'm straight, either. I don't know what I am. I think I might be nothing. :'''Emily''': Oh. Well, that's okay. :'''Todd''': Yeah? :'''Emily''': Yeah, of course. <hr width=50% /> ==Season 4== ===''The Old Sugarman Place'' [4.02]=== :'''Joseph Sugarman''': Believe it or not, time's arrow neither stands still nor reverses. It merely marches forward. ===''Hooray! Todd Episode!'' [4.03]=== :'''BoJack''': I wouldn't want to be my daughter either. :'''Todd''': BoJack... :'''BoJack''': I mean, look what I do to the people I'm supposed to care about. I had sex with the one person I've ever seen you fall in love with! :'''Todd''': I guess they're not gonna put you in the Best Friends Hall of Fame, but... I don't know that I loved her. You know, I don't think I'm allowed to be in love. :'''BoJack''': Don't say that. You do so much for everybody, and all you ever asked for was a roof over your head and the occasional s'more in a baguette. :'''Todd''': I'm telling you, it's a million dollar idea! :'''BoJack''': I got more of you than I ever deserved. If you never talk to me again, I just want you to know I appreciate it. And... I appreciate you. :'''Todd''': Thanks. <hr width=50%/> :'''Todd''': I think I'm... asexual. :'''BoJack''': A sexual what? Dynamo? Deviant... :'''Todd''': No. Asexual. Not sexual. :'''BoJack''': Oh. :'''Todd''': I'm sure you think that's weird... :'''BoJack''': Are you kidding? That's amazing! Something I wish I was asexual. Maybe then I wouldn't have a strain of herpes! :'''Todd''': You have- :'''BoJack''': I know I have multiple strains, it was just for the joke. :'''Todd''': It's actually feels nice to finally say it out loud... I'm an asexual person. I'm asexual. <hr width=50%/> :'''Todd''': Welcome back, BoJack. It's good to see you. ===''Thoughts and Prayers'' [4.05]=== :'''Hollyhock''': I know this must be painful for you. :'''BoJack''': Not painful, boring. This place sucks. And if I'm not even getting credit for coming here, what's the point? :'''Hollyhock''': If only there was some way for her to connect the BoJack from the show with the BoJack who visits her every week... :'''BoJack''': Yeah. Too bad we can't... or can we!? :'''Hollyhock''': Can we what? :'''BoJack''': Put on a live episode of ''Horsin' Around'' in the nursing home! Yeah, yah! Good thinking, Hollyhock! :'''Hollyhock''': Umm... :'''BoJack''': We'll do ''Horsin' Around'' here at the home! She'll love it, cuz it's her son BoJack! :'''Hollyhock''': ''[sitting on a bench]'' Okay... :'''BoJack''': And then after the show, I- I'll come out and say hello, and she'll say "BoJack? Is that you?" And when her eyes spark with recognition, ''[sits down with Hollyhock]'' I'm gonna sit down next to her, I'm gonna squeeze her hand ''[puts his hand on Hollyhock's]'', and get real close and say... '''"Fuck you, Mom!"''' ===''Stupid Piece of Sh*t'' [4.06]=== :'''BoJack''': ''[thinking while waking up]'' Piece of shit. Stupid piece of shit. You're a real stupid piece of shit. But I know I'm a piece of shit. That at least makes me better than all the pieces of shit who don't know they're pieces of shit. Or is it worse? Breakfast. ''[cut to BoJack taking his pills]'' Oh, I don't deserve breakfast. Shut up. Don't feel sorry for yourself. What does that do? Get breakfast, you stupid fat-ass. ''[cut to BoJack sitting at the table eating cookies]'' These are cookies. This is not breakfast. You are eating '''cookies'''. Stop it! Stop eating cookies and go make yourself breakfast! Stop it! ''[BoJack takes another cookie]'' Don't eat one more cookie! Put that cookie down! Do not eat that cookie! ''[BoJack bites into the cookie]'' I can't believe you ate that cookie! <hr width=50% /> :'''BoJack''': ''[thinking to himself]'' Go talk to her, idiot. Drink first... No, you stupid alcoholic. ''Talk to your daughter.'' You're ruining her. You know that, right? No matter what, your poison is already in her. There's nothing you can do. "That's not true!" Yeah, it is, you stupid piece of shit! You're a real stupid piece of shit, and everywhere you go you destroy people! Of course your mother never loved you, what did you expect? That's why Sarah Lynn died! That's why Charlotte will never forgive you! What are you gonna do to Hollyhock!? '''What are you gonna do, asshole!?''' <big>'''SHUT UP!!!'''</big> <hr width=50% /> :'''BoJack''': ''[thinking to himself]'' You screw-up. You're making your daughter hate you. Which is... good, because look what happens when people love you! Look at Penny! And Herb! And Sarah Lynn! It's because you made them love you, BoJack. <hr width=50% /> :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Why are we at a bar? :'''BoJack''': We're just celebrating getting Doll back! :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': You don't wanna bring the doll back to your mom? :'''BoJack''': I will! We're just having a drink first! Relax! :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Okay... :'''BoJack''': ''[thinking to himself]'' He knows you're terrible. He's the biggest idiot in the world and even HE knows you're terrible! :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': So when did you get a daughter? She's new, right? Or was she always part of the gang? :'''BoJack''': I met her about a month ago. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Whoa! :'''BoJack''': Yeah. And it was great at first. But now I feel her getting attached, and I just know I'm gonna BoJack things up. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': "BoJack things up"? You mean, show up somewhere and be the life of the party? And then share a laugh with your good friend Mr. Peanutbutter? :'''BoJack''': No, obviously I meant screw everything up until she hates me. I don't think I can take that. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Well, maybe this time, don't do the thing that makes her hate you. :'''BoJack''': I don't want to, but every time she looks at me with those big innocent eyes, all I can think about is every shitty thing I've ever done, and I think, "I don't deserve that kind of love". :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Look, BoJack. I don't know a lot about balancing a state budget, or how a bill becomes a law. :'''BoJack''': Uh... :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': I don't know a lot about a lot of things! But I do know this: ''everybody'' deserves to be loved. <hr width=50% /> :'''BoJack''': If I'm shitty, that's just because I'm shitty. You're allowed to be mad at me, but you need to know that whatever I do, it's not your fault. :'''Hollyhock''': I know. I mean, I know, but I don't always ''know'', you know? Like, sometimes I have this tiny voice in the back of my head that goes, like, "Hey, everyone hates you! And they're not wrong to feel that way!" :'''BoJack''': I know what you mean. :'''Hollyhock''': That voice, the one that tells you you're worthless and stupid and ugly? :'''BoJack''': Yeah? :'''Hollyhock''': It goes away, right? It's just, like, a dumb teenage-girl thing, but then it goes away? :'''BoJack''': ''[smiling in spite of himself]'' Yeah. ===''The Judge'' [4.08]=== :'''BoJack''': Remind me what this show is? I mean, I know, but...remind me? :'''Felicity Huffman''': ''Felicity Huffman's Booty Academy''. It was supposed to be ''Felicity Huffman's Future Leaders of America'' but it got retooled a little by the network. :'''BoJack''': So are we judging who has the best booty? :'''Felicity Huffman''': Whoa, BoJack, no. That is so degrading! :'''BoJack''': So if it's not about their butts, then why is the other judge {{w|Sir Mix-A-Lot}}? :'''Sir Mix-A-Lot''': Because I'm an honest and impartial judge. And if there's one thing I'm famous for, it's that I CANNOT lie. :'''BoJack''': Yeah, I guess that would be the one thing. ===''Ruthie'' [4.09]=== :'''Princess Carolyn''': You wanna know what I do when I have a really horrible, awful, bad day? :'''BoJack''': What? :'''Princess Carolyn''': I imagine my great-great-great granddaughter in the future talking to her class about me. She's poised and funny, and tells people about me and how everything worked out in the end. And when I think about that, I think about how everything's going to work out. Because how else could she tell people? :'''BoJack''': But it's...fake. :'''Princess Carolyn''': Yeah, well...it makes me feel better. ===''lovin that cali lifestyle!!'' [4.10]=== :'''BoJack''': How did I not see it? All this time, I thought you were a terrible parent. And you were. But I blew it even worse. It turns out being a parent '''is'''... impossible. So I guess I can't be that mad at you. :'''Beatrice''': Mad at me!? No, Henrietta, this is the right thing. You'll see. :'''BoJack''': Maybe we deserve each other. :'''Beatrice''': Ah! Where is the girl? I made the girl coffee. :'''BoJack''': Jesus. You two and your coffee. ''[coming to a realization]'' Wait. No!.. ''[he runs to the coffee pot, shoving his way past Beatrice]'' :'''BoJack''': What did you put in this!? :'''Beatrice''': That's an old family secret. ''[he opens a cabinet, finds a bag of coffee beans, and takes out a container reading Chub-B-Gone]'' :'''BoJack''': Chub-B-Gone? :'''Beatrice''': Picks the pounds right off! :'''BoJack''': This whole time! :'''Beatrice''': Just until she learned to take it herself. :'''BoJack''': ''[slamming the container down onto the counter]'' Of course it was you! :'''Beatrice''': '''Henrietta!!''' :'''BoJack''': No!! All this "I don't know where I am who my son stuff is" is officially not cute anymore! You ruined the one good thing I had! The one thing I didn't ruin myself! But of course I did! Because I thought it was a good idea to give you one more chance! :'''Beatrice''': ''[confused]'' Where is Crackerjack? :'''BoJack''': '''Stop! You are out of chances!''' ==Season 5== ===''The Amelia Earhart Story'' [5.05]=== :'''BoJack''': Sartre was wrong. Physical pain is so much worse than prolonged emotional distress. What a hack! ===''Free Churro'' [5.06]=== :'''BoJack''': My Dad died about ten years ago of injuries he sustained during a duel. When your father dies, you ask yourself a lot of questions. Questions like, "Wait, did you say he died in a duel?" and "Who dies in a duel?". The whole thing was so stupid. Dad spent his entire life writing this book, but he couldn't get any stores to carry it, or any newspapers to review it. Finally, I guess this one newspaper thought he was pretty hilarious, because they ran a review and tore him to shreds. So, my father, ever the Proud Mary, decides he would not stand for this besmirchment of his honor. He claimed the critic didn't understand what it meant to be a man, so he demanded satisfaction in the form of pistols at dawn. He wrote the paper this letter, saying anyone who didn't like his book, he would challenge to a duel, anyone in the world. He'd even pay for airfare to San Francisco and a night in a hotel. Well, eventually this found its way to some kook in Montana, who was a batshit as he was and took him up on the offer. They met at Golden Gate Park and agreed ten paces, then shoot. But in the middle of the ten paces, Dad turned to ask the guy if he's actually read the book and what he thought, but not looking where he was going, tripped over an exposed root and bashed his head on a rock. : ---- :'''BoJack''': The weird thing about both your parents being dead is it means that you're next. I mean, you know, obviously it's not like there's a wait list for dying. Any one of us could get run over by a Snapchatting teen at any moment. And you would think that knowing that would make us more adventurous, and kind, and forgiving. But it makes us small, and stupid, and petty. I actually had a near-death experience, recently. A stunt went bad and I fell off a building. I'm an actor. I do my own stunts. I'm on this new show, "Philbert". I'm Philbert. Star of the show. It hasn't come out yet, but it's already getting Emmy buzz. Oh, speaking of buzz ''[inhales, takes out a container of pills]'' I've to take two of these every morning, but my days are so screwed up 'cause of the shooting schedule, I don't even know what morning means anymore. There's a joke in there somewhere, about a guy who's been to so many funerals, he doesn't even know what mourning means anymore. Let you guys figure that one out for yourselves. ''[gulps down the pills]'' Anyway, you know what I thought when I was falling off the building and I went into panic mode? The last thing that my stupid brain could come up with before I died? "Won't they be sorry." Cool thought, brain. : ----'''BoJack''': You know what it's like? It's like that show ''[[Becker]]'', you know, with Ted Danson? I watched the entire run of that show, hoping that it would get better, and it never did. It had all the right pieces, but it just-- it couldn't put them together. And when it got canceled, I was really bummed out, not because I liked the show, but because I knew it could be so much better, and now it never would be. And that's what losing a parent is like. It's like ''Becker''. Suddenly, you realize you'll never have the good relationship you wanted, and as long as they were alive, even though you'd never admit it, part of you, the stupidest goddamn part of you, was still holding on to that chance. And you didn't even realize it until that chance went away. "My mother is dead, and everything is worse now." Because now I know I will never have a mother who looks at me from across the room and says, "BoJack Horseman, I see you." But I guess to good to know. It's good to know that there is nobody looking out for me, that there never was, and there never will be. No, it's good to know that I am the only one that I can depend on. And I know that now and it's good. It's good that I know that. So... it's good that my mother is dead. ''[gulps and then sighs]'' Well. No point beating a dead horse. Beatrice Horseman was born in 1938, and she died in 2018, and I have no idea... what she wanted. ''[beat]'' Unless she just wanted what we all want... to be seen. ''[He walks over to the casket, opens it, and gets a shocked look on his face. He takes a piece of paper out of his pocket and looks at it and then his audience, a group of geckos.]'' Is this Funeral Parlor B? ---- === ''The Showstopper'' [5.11] === '''Gina''': ''[after a drug-addled BoJack strangles and almost kills her]'' '''What the fuck is wrong with you!?''' ===''The Stopped Show'' [5.12]=== :'''Stefani''': Diane! What have you been up to? Tell me everything. :'''Diane''': Actually, I've been working on a book of essays... :'''Stefani''': Okay, I was obviously asking to be polite, and it's very rude of you to assume that I care. I have news that's actually interesting... :'''Stefani''': You know what your problem is? You hold everyone to an impossible standard, including yourself. It's super helpful for writing hot-take shakedowns, and clickbait take-downs, but totally toxic for your personal life and internalized sense of self-worth, girl. :'''Diane''': But shouldn't we be asking more of ourselves - and of the people in our lives? :'''Stefani''': Of course. But we all fail, Diane. The world is unforgiving enough as it is. The least we could do is find ways to forgive each other and ourselves. :'''Diane''': Well, then maybe we should be more forgiving in our content, and maybe not publish so many take-downs? :'''Stefani''': ''[looks at her with condescending amusement]'' Oh, Diane. ==Season 6== ===''Xerox of a Xerox'' [6.12]=== :'''Biscuits Braxby''': Over these last two nights, you’ve drawn an outline of a person. A person who doesn’t think about others, a person who puts his own needs first. And over and over, other people get hurt, not necessarily because he means to hurt them, but because he just doesn’t care. This person I’m describing, is it a different person, or is it you? :'''BoJack''': ''[pause]'' Yeah. It’s me. ===''The View From Halfway Down'' [6.15]=== :'''Secretariat''': The weak breeze whispers nothing, the water screams sublime. His feet shift teeter-totter. Deep breath, stand back, it's time. Toes untouch the overpass, soon he's water bound. Eyes locked shut but peek to see the view from halfway down. [''the white door draws closer.''] I'm not done. Hold on, I'm not done. I'm not done. A little wind, a summer sun. A river rich and regal. A flood of fond endorphins brings a calm that knows no equal. You're flying now. You see things much more clear than from the ground. It's all okay, it would be, were you not now halfway down. Thrash to break from gravity, what now could slow the drop? All I'd give for toes to touch the safety back at top. [''the white door continues to draw closer.'] I changed my mind. I change my mind, I don't wanna- :'''Herb''': It's okay. :'''Secretariat''': But this is it, the deed is done, silence drowns the sound. Before I leaped I should have seen the view from halfway down! [''the white door draws closer and closer to Secretariat, sending him into a state of panic as he struggles to finish his poem.''] No! I really should have thought about the view from halfway down! :'''Herb''': Find your peace, big guy. Find it. :'''Secretariat''': I wish I could have known about the view from '''halfway dooown!''' [''the white door appears right behind Secretariat as he tumbles into the void inside.''] ===''Nice While it Lasted'' [6.16]=== :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Besides, I'm really trying to focus on myself right now. One day in therapy, I just blurted out: "Is my problem with women, any movie directed by Christopher Nolan? Because yes, women are involved, but it's never really about the women. It's about me. :'''BoJack''': That's actually somewhat astute. :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': It occured to me: Are my self destructive patterns and unexamined cycles of co-dependency the popular Jim Carrey character 'The Mask'? Because 'Somebody stop me!'. :'''BoJack''': Are all of your breakthroughs phrased like that? :'''Mr. Peanutbutter''': Um, are all of my breakthroughs a British Prog-Rock Band from the 70s? Because 'Yes'. :---- :'''BoJack''': Yeah, well, what are you gonna do? Life's a bitch and then you die, right? :'''Diane''': Sometimes. Sometimes life's a bitch and then you keep living. :'''BoJack''': Yeah. :'''Diane''': But it's the nice night, huh? :'''BoJack''': Yeah. This is nice. ==Cast== *[[Will Arnett]] – BoJack Horseman *[[w:Amy Sedaris|Amy Sedaris]] – Princess Carolyn *[[w:Alison Brie|Alison Brie]] – Diane Nguyen *[[w:Paul F. Tompkins|Paul F. Tompkins]] – Mr. Peanutbutter *[[w:Aaron Paul|Aaron Paul]] – Todd Chavez ==Related== *''[[Tuca & Bertie]]'' ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} * [http://www.netflix.com/WiMovie/70300800 ''BoJack Horseman''] at [[w:Netflix|Netflix]] * {{IMDb title |id=3398228}} * [http://bojackhorseman.com BoJack Horseman] * [https://www.sociomix.com/diaries/entertainment/10-life-changing-quotes-from-bojack-horseman-that-everyone-needs-to-hear/1614368159 ''BoJack Horseman''] Life-changing Quotes [[Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American comedy-drama TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American sitcoms]] [[Category:Flash adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated drama TV shows]] [[Category:American animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Black comedy TV shows]] [[Category:LGBT-related animated TV shows]] [[Category:LGBT-related sitcoms]] [[Category:LGBT-related drama TV shows]] [[Category:Surreal comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Comedy Central shows]] [[Category:Netflix shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about horses]] [[Category:American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:Television series by Netflix Animation]] [[Category:Single-camera sitcoms]] 9ntzwwkkdk0tc47vh680iifdywbz25d 0 184206 3949317 3878660 2026-06-05T20:36:19Z ~2026-31867-33 3331978 /* Operation: B.E.A.C.H. [2.21] */ 3949317 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ==Season 2== === ''Operation: C.A.T.S.'' [2.01] === :'''Numbuh 4''': Ehh, Numbuh 3... Uh, thanks for saving me and all. :'''Numbuh 3''': ''[laughs and grabs Numbuh 4 into a hug]'' It's okay. :'''Numbuh 4''': ''[Talking to himself, then says in a goofy voice]'' I. L-l-love. Y-y-you. :'''Numbuh 3''': ''[waiting the entire episode for him to say those exact words]'' AHHHH! Say it again! :'''Numbuh 4''': Don't press your luck. === ''Operation: P.O.P.'' [2.02] === === ''Operation: S.P.A.N.K.'' [2.03] === :'''Numbuh 5''': Man, look at him! We’ve got to get rid of that fool! :'''Numbuh 4''': Then you wake him and you tell him to leave! :'''Numbuh 5''': Nuh-uh, I’m not gonna wake him, you wake him! :'''Numbuh 2''': Oh and get spanked because he's cranky in the morning, forget it! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Count Spankulot''': I arrive, like a shadow in the night, the hunter who preys upon wrong-doers. I deliver my punishments swiftly, and without regrets. My victims beg for mercy and offer to make deals. They try to run, but there is nowhere to run, and there is nowhere to hide. For those I hunt, I have one thing; A GOOD SPANKING! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Judge''': '''YOU! YOU... YOU... YOU!''' :'''Count Spankulot''': ''[stammering]'' Judge? :'''Judge''': How dare you come in to my house and spank me and my wife?! :'''Judge's Wife''': Ooh, I can't feel my bottom. === ''Operation: D.A.T.E.'' [2.04] === :'''Numbuh 1''': ''[Losing control of his rage]'' '''IT IS NOT A DATE!!!''' It was NEVER a date. And even if you thought it WAS a date, I don't CARE! I've got more important things to worry about than some girl who's... who's... '''DATE CRAZY!!!''' ---- :'''Delightful Children''': What is the meaning of this?! :'''Lizzie''': Shut up! === ''Operation: S.U.P.P.O.R.T.'' [2.05] === :'''Numbuh 1''': We’ve searched everywhere. Where on Earth could they be? :'''Numbuh 2''': Um, I think I found them. :'''Numbuh 1''': Move over! Wow. Well, don't just stand there, Numbuh 2, take one out! :'''Numbuh 2''': What? I'm not going to touch them, you do it. :'''Numbuh 1''': As first in command, I order you to pick up that bra! :'''Numbuh 2''': You first! :'''Numbuh 1''': Oh, okay. Don't be such a baby! ''[He picks one up]'' :'''Numbuh 1''': ''[shocked]'' Ah, this is Battle Ready Armor? It hardly covers anything. :'''Numbuh 2''': Maybe once you put it on, it produces some sort of protection shield. :'''Numbuh 1''': Of course, and now that we have their technology, we can use it against them! Just imagine the look on the adult's faces when they find out that the Kids Next Door are wearing bras too! :'''Numbuh 2''': Um, we don't even know how to use these um... things! :'''Numbuh 1''': Well, it's obvious you put your head through– Wait. No, that's not it. You, you put your right leg through. No that's not it. :''[Numbuh 2 places the bra over his head]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Numbuh 1''': So, do you feel anything? :'''Numbuh 2''' Yeah, ''[wearing a bra on his head]'' stupid! :'''Numbuh 1''': I don’t know. I feel kind of powerful! :'''Cree Lincoln''': AAH! ARE YOU CRAZY??! :'''Numbuh 1''': What’s the matter, ''teenager''? Afraid we’ll put your bras to better use? :'''Cree Lincoln''': ''[stares at Numbuh 1 with a gaping mouth for a minute]'' Listen, you little freak, take it off! NOW! :'''Numbuh 1''': Make us! Right, Numbuh 2? :''[Numbuh 2 is hiding under the bed, chuckling nervously]'' :'''Cree Lincoln''': I said take them off! :'''Numbuh 1''': Battle Ready Armor, on! ''[nothing happens]'' Uh, Battle Ready Armor, go! ''[still nothing]'' Ba-Battle Ready- ''[Cree grabs him]'' Ah! :'''Cree Lincoln''': ''[spinning him around violently]'' Take them off, now! ''[throws Numbuh 1 across the room]'' :'''Numbuh 1''': Ugh! ''[dresser falls on him]'' Ow! :'''Cree Lincoln''': I am not playing with you fools! :'''Numbuh 1''': ''[trying to get out from under dresser]'' Battle Ready Armor, activate! ''[Cree grabs him]'' Numbuh 2! ''[she throws him]'' Ahhh! ''[comes out of sick drawer]'' Um, Battle Ready Armor...Help! :'''Cree Lincoln''': I said, take off my bra! ''[kicks drawer causing Numbuh 1 to get his head stuck in the ceiling]'' :'''Numbuh 1''': ''[he falls, screaming, then lands on bed, breaking it, then sits up, groaning]'' Numbuh 2, I could really use some...''[Cree grabs him and throws him]'' Whoa! :'''Numbuh 5''': ''[She barges in]'' What's up with all the racket? :'''Cree Lincoln''': I caught your two little weirdo friends trying on my bras! :'''Numbuh 5''': ''[gives an annoyed look to Numbuh 1 and Numbuh 2]'' What are you two doing wearing my sister's bras?! :'''Numbuh 1''': But, Numbuh 5, you don't understand! [falls off dresser] "Bra" stands for "Battle Ready Armor". It's a weapon! :'''Numbuh 5''': Are you crazy?! A bra is for... ugh, well... girls use it with a strap, and ugh... Look, just go back to the tree house and let me get some sleep! :'''Numbuh 1''': But what about you? What if enemy operatives try to suck your brain- :'''Numbuh 5''': GET OUT! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Lincoln''': Hey! Where are those two goin'? Aww, look. My oldest girl is telling her little sister about bras. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cree Lincoln''': I have retrieved the information required. Numbuh 5 will awaken tomorrow without realizing her brain's been probed. :'''Father''': You have done well, my apprentice. :'''Cree Lincoln''': Thank you, Father. === ''Operation: T.A.P.I.O.C.A.'' [2.06] === === ''Operation: M.O.V.I.E.'' [2.07] === :''[After watching the first part of the Rainbow Monkey double feature while at the movie theater…]'' :'''Numbuh 4''': ''[irritated]'' I can't believe we sat through that junk! :'''Numbuh 3''': I thought it was wonderful. I can't wait till the second part of the double feature starts! :'''Numbuh 4''': I'd rather have my arms ripped off and jammed into my ears than sit through all that crud! :'''Numbuh 2''': Aww, it wasn't that bad, Numbuh 4. I thought it was pretty faithful to the book. :'''Numbuh 5''': The next one's about to start. Might as well get in there. :'''Numbuh 4''': Ugh! I'll see you babies later! I'm gonna go check out a ''real'' movie! <hr width=50%/> :'''Numbuh 4''': ''[gasps in shock]'' Mr. Wink and Mr. Fibb? Knightbrace. Count Spankulot. The Great Putinsky. Mega Mom and Destructo Dad. R-rated movies are really supervillain meeting places? :'''Toiletnator''': ''[excitedly]'' Isn't this the coolest? :'''Numbuh 4''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, yeah. Real cool. <hr width=50%/> :'''Numbuh 4''': ''[talking about the "adult movie"]'' Ahh, it was too over-rated... === ''Operation: F.A.S.T.-F.O.O.D.'' [2.08] === === ''Operation: S.H.A.V.E.'' [2.09] === === ''Operation: O.O.M.P.P.A.H.'' [2.10] === :'''Monty Uno''': Son, there's something I - I want to tell you. :'''Numbuh One''': It's OK, Dad. you don't have to say anything. :'''Monty Uno''': No, no. This has to be said right, and it has to be said now. Nigel... I think you really need some sousaphone lessons! I mean, did you hear yourself up there?! Pee-yew! Either your sharps were flat and your flats were sharp and wobbly and your fingers were like your positions were like a spider in a windstorm! Eight legs flying everywhere! ''[Numbuh 1 dunks his head in the lake]'' === ''Operation: F.L.A.V.O.R.'' [2.11] === :'''Numbuh 5''': ''[narrating]'' But everybody knows that there are three elemental, pure flavors of ice cream: Smooth, creamy vanilla. Rich, decadent chocolate. And sweet, sweet strawberry. But a long time ago, there was a fourth flavor, and it was said to be better than the other three combined. When the Sacred Sect of Dessert Monks created this mystical fourth flavor, they were afraid that everyone would like it so much, that they would eat it all up until there wouldn't be and left for them. So they locked it away. Only the true ice cream lover could have so much as a taste of the fourth flavor, and then, only if they proved themselves worthy by solving the riddle of the Mystical Golden Scoop. ''[telling a group of kids the backstory legend while visiting a museum]'' No one knows where the monks locked away the fourth flavor, and few still believe it exists. So the Golden Scoop remains, waiting for the one with the sweet knowledge of frosty goodness to claim the fourth flavor as their own. === ''Operation: K.I.S.S.'' [2.12] === :''[As Cree Lincoln is led away into a KND prison transport for the moonbase]'' :'''Numbuh 5''': ''[tauntingly]'' See you later, sis. Oh, and don't worry. I'll make sure your CDs and ''[referring to Numbuh 2]'' your boyfriend are safe. :''[Numbuh 5 tries to hit her older sister Cree Lincoln with a flying kick but she grabs her by the leg]'' :'''Cree Lincoln''': I know all your moves, Abby. ''[spins Numbuh 5 around like a lasso as she screams]'' because I taught them to you! ''[tosses her younger sister Abby like a rag doll]'' === ''Operation: G.H.O.S.T.'' [2.13] === :'''Numbuh 4''': ''[in singsong voice]'' You stupid hamsters ain't got my soda, cause you're STUPID and I'm so co-ol! ''[blows raspberry at them]'' === ''Operation: F.U.G.I.T.I.V.E.'' [2.14] === :'''Numbuh 1''': ''[sarcastically]'' Go ahead. Put on sunblock! Let's soak up some rays. Oh, hey! I've got an idea! Let's completely forget about investigating this stupid crash and go frolicking in the ocean instead. Ooh! Maybe afterwards we can go and get some yummy funnel cakes and pizza on the boardwalk! :'''Numbuh 86''': WHAT?! Funnel cakes and pizzas?! :'''Numbuh 1''': N-n-no, 86, n-n-no, no sir - uh, I mean ma'am, sir. I... I mean, I... I... I thought... :'''Numbuh 86''': Thinking is what you boys never do! You're just like my idiot brother, always goofing off! <hr width=50%> :'''Numbuh 86''': I'll stop him myself! ''[enters the S.C.A.M.P.E.R.]'' If you want to get anything done you've to do it-- ''[suddenly realizes she doesn't know how to pilot the ship herself; shouting]'' Will someone get in here and fly this piece of junk?! :''[Sector V hurries inside]'' :'''Numbuh 2''': Turbines to speed! :'''Numbuh 5''': Generators at max! :'''Numbuh 4''': Weapons on! :'''Numbuh 3''': Shields on! :'''Numbuh 1''': Okay, troops! Let's— :'''Numbuh 86''': Quit wasting time and go! <hr width=50%> :'''Numbuh 86''': ''[to Sector V's boys]'' Of all the stupid things in this stupid world of stupid people acting stupid, you boys are the stupidliest! It's like you're trying to win a STUPID contest when you're too stupid to take a stupidity test! Numbuh 5 and Numbuh 3, we'll track Numbuh 206 on foot. :'''Numbuh 1''': Hey! What about us?! :'''Numbuh 86''': Why don't you three try guarding that dandelion there, if you think you can handle it. <hr width=50%/> :'''Numbuh 2''': Why do we have to keep listening to what she says, anyway? :'''Numbuh 1''': She's head of decommissioning. She OUTRANKS us. :'''Numbuh 2''': So what? We're just as good as SHE is. :''[Numbuh 1 pauses.]'' :'''Numbuh 1''': You know what? You're right! Come on! :''[Numbuhs 1,2, and 4 go to the castle to do the mission also. Numbuh 4 looks back at the dandelion for a little while]'' <hr width=50%> :''[The Delightful Children just got out of the bathroom]'' :'''Numbuh 86''': Don't move! :'''Delightful Children''': What is the meaning of this? :'''Numbuh 86''': Put your hands where I can see them! :'''Delightful Children''': ''[talks randomly]'' :'''Numbuh 86''': I'm not going to ask you again! :'''Delightful Children''': But... we... :'''Numbuh 86''': Now! :'''Delightful Children''': Uuuhh... ''[shows a jar]'' :'''Numbuh 86''': W-W-What is that? :'''Delightful Children''': Here... Um... Our toenails. :'''Numbuh 86''': T-T-Toenails?! :'''Delightful Children''': We've been saving them. :'''Numbuh 86''': You... what?! That's so... disgusting! :'''Delightful Children''': It's not! It's like... a hobby. <hr width=50%> :'''Delightful Children''': Don't just stand there! Help us pick up our toenail collection! <hr width=50%> :'''Numbuh 1''': ''Voila!'' One fugitive, all wrapped up to go! :'''Numbuh 86''': That's impossible! You idiots caught Numbuh 206?! :'''Numbuh 4''': ''[holding the dandelion]'' And we kept the dandelion safe too! :'''Numbuh 86''': ''[angrily smacks it out of his hands]'' Shut up! There's no way I'm letting you buffoons take credit for my work! :'''Numbuh 1''': ''[offended]'' What are you talking about?! We captured him fair and square! :'''Numbuh 86''': Ha! If it wasn't for me, you'd still be at the beach trying to figure out how to get sand out of your shorts! So long, you dumb boys. And good riddance! :'''Numbuh 5''': Hold it, little miss toenail. We ALL caught that guy. Boys AND girls. <hr width=50%> :'''Numbuh 86''': ''Voila!'' One fugitive all wrapped up to go. And I want it to go on the record, that all credit for this capture goes directly to me! Looks like Numbuh 362's going to give me a big promotion and-- :'''Numbuh 274''': Uh, Numbuh 86? :'''Numbuh 86''': What? :'''Numbuh 274''': Uh... :''[The unwrapped person who was supposed to be Numbuh 206 is revealed to be Numbuh 362 and she stares angrily at Numbuh 86]'' :'''Numbuh 86''': ''[flabbergasted]'' Numbuh 362. Uh, sir, I mean, ma'am... :'''Numbuh 362''': ''[enraged]'' You IDIOT! I was ''this'' close to getting the Delightful Children's plans! And you attacked me from out of nowhere! Whose side are you on anyways? I'm ashamed to call you a girl! I never thought a girl could be so stupid! You are by far the most idiotic person I've ever, ever, worked with! === ''Operation: T.H.E.-S.H.O.G.U.N.'' [2.15] === === ''Operation: C.O.L.L.E.G.E.'' [2.16] === === ''Operation: R.E.P.O.R.T.'' [2.17] === :'''Delightful Children''': Thanks for picking this up for us, Nigel. :'''Numbuh 1''': Wait! No! You can't! Somebody! ''HELP!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Delightful Children''': GIVE…US…THAT…''BOX!!!'' IT'S… '''''OURS!!!!''''' :'''Numbuh 5''': No, it isn't. :'''Delightful Children''': Check it yourself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Numbuh 86''': Typical! All you had to do is pick up a pizza, and you can't even do that right! === ''Operation: B.R.I.E.F.'' [2.18] === === ''Operation: C.A.K.E.D.-T.W.O.'' [2.19] === :''[Sector V arrives at the Delightful Children's mansion in their S.T.A.N.K. vehicle]'' :'''Numbuh 1''': Okay, Delightful Dorks, hands where I can see 'em! This year's cake is going to be shared by everyone, except you brats! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Numbuh 1''': ''[Slides down the crater to Lizzie]'' Lizzie! Lizzie! :'''Lizzie''': Yes, Nigie? :'''Numbuh 1''': ''[Helps Lizzie up, then hugs her]'' Apology accepted. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Delightful Children''': Thank you all for being here, to watch us have our cake, and eat it too! Oh, look, you're all suffering with mouth watering jealously. How nice. === ''Operation: S.P.A.C.E.'' [2.20] === :'''Numbuh 1''': Numbuh 3, stop playing with that radio! ''[turns off the radio]'' :'''Numbuh 3''': But that was our favorite song. :'''Numbuh 1''': If we can't all agree on a station, the radio goes off! It's bad enough you brought your little sister on our trip to the Kids Next Door moonbase. We could get in serious trouble! :'''Numbuh 3''': (FYI,) My mom put me in charge of Mushi while she's at work today, so wherever I go, ''she'' goes! :'''Both''': Best friends! ''[having a sweet hug]'' :'''Numbuh 4''': Ugh. ''[to Numbuh 5]'' Been ever THAT stupid with your sister? :'''Numbuh 5''': You're joking, right? <hr width="50%"/> :''[after crashing the V Shuttle]'' :'''Mushi''': Do that again! :'''Numbuh 3''': Mushi, what did I tell you? :'''Mushi''': Oh, yeah. Do that again, please! :'''Numbuh 1''': Absolutely not! :'''Numbuh 3''': Well, she DID say please. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mushi''': What if the aliens... ''[in a spooky voice]'' Eat your heads? :'''Numbuh 1''': There's no such thing as head-eating aliens! :'''Numbuh 2''': Maybe we should bring weapons... just in case? :'''Numbuh 4''': And a helmet. :'''Numbuh 1''': Ugh. And it's supposed to be a simple re-supply mission. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Mushi gave a speech about siblings loving each other]'' :'''Numbuh 5''': W-What happened to us? :'''Cree Lincoln''': I-I-I... I-I don't know. I got older... things change... :'''Numbuh 5''': You know, when you were in the Kids Next Door, I wanted to be just like you. You were the best, and I was so proud to be your sister. :''[the two get teary-eyed and hugged each other]'' :'''Cree Lincoln''': Oh, Abby... :'''Numbuh 5''': Cree... <hr width="50%"/> :''[after they "made up" with each other]'' :'''Numbuh 5''': Cree, there's something I always wanted to say to you. :'''Cree Lincoln''': Yes, sweet little Abby? :'''Numbuh 5''': I... ''[evil smile]'' Beat your butt! :'''Cree Lincoln''': Huh? ''[Numbuh 5 throws her to the trash bin]'' Ew! :'''Numbuh 5''': ''[laughing]'' Sucker! :'''Cree Lincoln''': Lucky shot, girl! I was about to do the same thing to you! :'''Numbuh 5''': Maybe next time. ''[laughs and ejects the trash bin into space]'' :'''Cree Lincoln''': You are ''so'' in trouble when I get home! === ''Operation: B.E.A.C.H.'' [2.21] === :''[Numbuh 1 is being dragged by Numbuhs 2 and 5 while in a swimsuit]'' :'''Numbuh 1''': PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! NO! NO! ''[He is thrown out of the trailer and onto the beach sand]'' Ughh! I'm serious, guys! The beach is so boring! :'''Numbuh 4''': How can you say that, Numbuh 1? ''[He pops his head out of a pile of sand]'' Look how much fun I'm having! :'''Numbuh 1''': You're buried up to your neck in sand. ''[He brushes the sand off his body]'' :'''Numbuh 4''': I know. Doesn't that rock? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Numbuh 4''': They've made this PERSONAL by taking Numbuh 3! :'''Numbuh 2 and 5''': ''[together]'' Wally and Kuki sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! :'''Numbuh 4''': Stop! It is not like that! ''[blushes]'' Numbuh 3, she just, well, ah, owes me a quarter! :'''Numbuh 5''': Uh-huh, RIGHT. :'''Judy Pines(Darwin 5)''': Yep, It's Sure Like That. <hr width=50%> :'''Numbuh 4''': ''[smiles]'' Kuki! :'''Numbuh 3''': ''[smiles]'' Wally! :'''Numbuh 4''': Now, hang on a minute while I get you outta this. :''[He unties her, then they both run out of the castle. Shot then reveals Numbuh 2 and Numbuh 5 are still tied up.]'' :'''Numbuh 5''': ''[angrily]'' Hel-LO?! Aren't you guys forgetting something?! :'''Numbuh 3 and 4''': Sorry! ''[They both run back to help them]'' <hr width=50%> :'''King Sandy''': THE KING DOES NOT PRETEND! Knights! Grab Numbuh 3! === ''Operation: U.N.D.E.R.C.O.V.E.R.'' [2.22] === :'''Numbuh 1''': All right, team! Let's not give up hope now! :'''Numbuh 5''': No problem. Because Numbuh 5 gave up hope a long time ago! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Numbuh 1''': Did anyone bring a 2x4 technology chain cutter? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lenny''': They're onto us! Do you guys happen to have a plan "B?" :'''Numbuh 1''': The Kids Next Door ''always'' have a plan "B!" ''[presses a soda-can-shaped button labelled "PLAN B" with his fist and a S.U.B.S.T.A.N.D.A.R.D. submarine drops out of the helicopter and dives into the ocean]'' Run silent, run deep, Numbuh 2. :'''Numbuh 2''': Aye-aye, captain. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Delightful Children''': Lenny, you're an idiot. === ''Operation: D.O.G.F.I.G.H.T.'' [2.23] === :'''Mr. Washer''': Hey, Ace, what can I do for you today? :'''Numbuh 2''': Hey, Mr. Washer. Do you have any model train sets or something? :'''Mr. Washer''': Model trains? But you're a major flyboy. What happened? :'''Numbuh 2''': I got blown out of the sky like a million times by someone better than me. That's what happened. I'm hanging up my wings. :'''Mr. Washer''': Hey. The Hoagie I know loves flying too much to quit. === ''Operation: T.R.I.P.'' [2.24] === :'''Father''': ''[on the phone]'' Hello, my children. I have an assignment for you. So listen ''carefully.'' One of those meddlesome Kids Next Door shall be visiting her homeland. Once there, she plans to rendezvous with the secretive Japanese Kids Next Door. Your mission is to track the operative until she leads us to the Japanese Kids Next Door headquarters, then send their coordinates to my formidable ninja army. Contact the ninja ''only'' when you are certain you've located the Kids Next Door lair. Ninja charge by the hour, and I'm ''not'' made of money. You got that? I have handpicked you because you are my most skilled agents, my most foolproof villains, my most relentless trackers, and above all, my most devious masters of disguise. :'''Interesting Twin Brother''': Rest assured, Father. The Interesting Twins… :'''Interesting Twin Sister''': …From Beneath The Mountain… :'''Interesting Twins''': ''[in unison]'' …Are twice as good as you require. Failure is an impossibility. :''[The Interesting Twins and Father all laugh evilly]'' === ''Operation: E.N.D.'' [2.25] === :'''Numbuh 1''': Decommisioning?! I'm nowhere near 13 years old! :'''Mr. Uno''': Nigel, don't stand up in the boat, Laddie. :'''Numbuh 86''': That's what they all say, Nigel! :'''Numbuh 1''': 86, you know how old I am. We went to kindergarten together! <hr width=50%> :'''Numbuh 86''': And since you won't remember anything that's been said, I'd like to say something on a personal note. ''[To Numbuh 4, shyly]'' I've, uh... heh, um... well, uh... always thought you were kind of cute, Numbuh 4. :'''Numbuh 4''': ''[smiles, says hopefully]'' Cute enough not to be decommisioned?! :'''Numbuh 86''': Not even close! <hr width=50%> :'''Numbuh 86''': ''[swipes the envelope out of Numbuh 1's hand]'' Give me that! ''[opens the envelope and reads what believes to be an invitation; disbelieved]'' This is an invitation to Numbuh 274's… ''[gasps in shock]'' 13th birthday party! :'''Numbuh 274''': I told my parents I didn't want a stupid party! <hr width=50%> :'''Cree''': Finally, the Kids Next Door Moonbase. Now, I can detach it from the moon, and send it into the sun! Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha! :'''Numbuh 274''': I already tried that. It didn't work. :'''Cree''': Crud. Time for Plan B. :'''Numbuh 274''': Thought you could use some help? :'''Cree''': Sure, kid. Come on. :'''Numbuh 274''': I'm not a kid! I'm a teenager. ==External links== {{wikipedia|Codename: Kids Next Door}} [[Category:Codename: Kids Next Door seasons]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] jyxcg37ik2zeiamhnqikpr6xltenqld 0 186477 3949456 3835326 2026-06-06T07:01:49Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 3949456 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island|Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]]''''' is a [[w:1998 in film|1998 film]] about the gang reuniting to find true supernatural phenomena. :''Directed by Jim Stenstrum. Written by [[w:Glenn Leopold|Glenn Leopold]]. {{center|'''This time, the monsters are real!'''&nbsp; <small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === * Dog? Where? === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Like, it's Mr. Beeman, the real estate agent. === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * My! Lena wasn't kidding. This place is crawling with cats. === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * And those zombies are just the poor souls you drained. They were just trying to warn us so we wouldn't suffer the same fate they did. === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * Yeah! He was printing millions of counterfeit dollars in the basement with his printing press. What we originally thought was Moldova, was really green ink. ''[removed the gloves, revealing it to be green ink]'' See. ==Simone Lenoir== * ''[about Scooby]'' Who brought this... this... dog?! * We do not have television on my island. * Get this beast off of me! * ''[revealing her true nature]'' Very clever, Velma, but it's too late. ''[chuckles evilly]'' * These wax dolls do come in handy. ''[chuckles sinisterly]'' * I've been getting away with it for 200 years. ''[chuckles evilly]'' * ''[explaining her true plot]'' Ah, it's simple. Every harvest moon, I must drain the life force from victims lured to my island to preserve my immortality. * ''[last words]'' I've had enough of that meddling...dog! ==Lena Dupree== * My name is Lena. Lena Dupree. * ''[gasps, referring to Scooby]'' I didn't know you had a dog. * ''[revealing her true nature]'' Sorry, Freddy. I really do like you. * ''[referring to Scooby and Shaggy]'' Sounds like Jacques has found your frightened friends. * I've had years of practice. * ''[last words]'' Jacques is in trouble! ==Jacques== * I'm happy to see y'all. ''[chuckles evilly and transforms into a were-cat]'' * Oh, quit yer grovelin', Snakebite. * ''[last words]'' Going somewhere? What's the matter, cat got your tongue? ''[growling]'' == Dialogue == :''[Velma unmasks the moat Monster, revealing it to be none other than...]'' :'''Shaggy''': ''[gasps]'' Like, it's Mr. Beeman, the real estate agent. :'''Scooby''': Mr. Beeman? :'''Velma''': Yeah! He was printing millions of counterfeit dollars in the basement with his printing press. What we originally thought was Moldova, was really green ink. ''[Velma removed the gloves, revealing it to be green ink]'' See. :'''Mr. Beeman''': Ugh... And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for that big dog and you meddling kids! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Daphne''': I need a real, live ghost. :'''Velma''': That's an oxymoron, Daph. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Fred''': My! Lena wasn't kidding. This place is crawling with cats. :'''Scooby''': Rats? Rats! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simone''': ''[points to Scooby for crashing into her while chasing after one of her cats]'' Who brought this... this... dog?! :'''Scooby''': Dog? Where? :'''Daphne''': I'm terribly sorry. We should have held onto him better. I'm Daphne Blake, of ''"Coast to Coast."'' You know, the TV show? :'''Simone''': We do not have television on my island. Lena, what are they doing here? :'''Lena''': It's all my fault, Ms. Lenoir. I heard these folks say they wanted to see a real haunted house. So I thought... :'''Simone''': You might show them mine. I see. Really, Lena. :'''Daphne''': But your house is simply beautiful, Ms. Lenoir. Isn't it, Fred? :'''Fred''': Picture, perfect. :'''Simone''': It has been in my family for generations. It was a pepper plantation. Some of the hottest peppers in Louisiana grow on this island. :'''Shaggy''': We've hit the proverbial chili pepper jackpot! :'''Velma''': So, Ms. Lenoir, is your house really... :'''Simone''': Haunted? Yes. It is an old house with restless spirits. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Daphne''': Wow, a real case of levitation. This just gets better and better. :'''Velma''': Maybe from where you're standing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Daphne''': Freddie, what on Earth are you doing? :'''Fred''': Uh, Scooby and Shaggy... :'''Shaggy''': ...Saw another ghost. ''[opens the door]'' In here. :'''Daphne''': I don't see anything. :'''Shaggy''': Like, in the mirror. It's some civil war guy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Fred''': ''[trying to yank off a zombie's "mask"]'' It's the gardener! :'''Daphne''': No. :'''Fred''': It's the fisherman! :'''Shaggy''': No. :'''Fred''': It's the ferryman! :'''Scooby''': Ro. :'''Fred''': Maybe it's... ''[rips the zombie's head off]'' real? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Daphne''': Where are we? :'''Velma''': Looks to me like a place for voodoo rituals. ''[suspiciously]'' But why don't we just ask... ''Lena?'' :'''Fred''': What are you talking about? :'''Velma''': Her story about Simone getting dragged by zombies wasn't true. I saw the footprints of Simone's heels. She wasn't dragged; she ''walked'' down that tunnel! :''[The roof grate opens]'' :'''Simone''': ''[steps out of the shadows; revealing her true colors]'' Very clever, Velma... but it's too late. ''[chuckles sinisterly, then holds up the wax voodoo dolls of Daphne and Velma, sending them back up against the wall]'' :'''Lena''': ''[to Fred; also revealing '''her''' true colors]'' Sorry, Freddy. I really ''do'' like you. ''[sends him flying back up against the wall with a wax voodoo doll of him]'' :'''Fred''': What would you do if you didn't like me? :'''Beau''': Hey! ''[Lena holds up a wax voodoo doll of him and sends him flying back with the others]'' :''[The two women tie up the voodoo doll's arms and legs together, trapping them]'' :'''Velma''': ''[gasps]'' Voodoo dolls! :'''Simone''': These wax dolls do come in handy. :'''Velma''': So that's where the cleaning cloth for my glasses went! ''[to Beau; grunts]'' Sorry I suspected you. :'''Beau''': Apology… ''[grunts]'' accepted. :'''Simone''': The harvest moon will soon reach the midnight point on this moondial, and then the ceremony will begin. :'''Fred''': What ceremony? :'''Daphne''': ''[grunting; threatening]'' You won't get away with this! :'''Simone''': I've been getting away with it for ''200 years. [snickers and gains were-cat features; the captives gasp]'' :'''Fred''': At least, Scoob and Shaggy are still free... maybe. :'''Lena''': ''[also with were-cat features]'' I heard that, Fred! Those two simpletons? We didn't even bother making wax dolls of them! Ha! A waste of time and magic wax! :'''Fred''': Just what are you planning to do to us? :'''Simone''': Ah, it's simple: Every harvest moon, I must drain the life force from victims lured to my island, to preserve my immortality. :'''Daphne''': This is more haunted stuff than I really wanted. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Velma''': If you're as old as you say you are, then I'll bet you're the one who found Morgan Moonscar's treasure. :'''Simone''': ''Morgan Moonscar! [Flashback starts; voice-over]'' He was the cause of all this. I was one of a group of settlers who made this island our home. We looked to our Cat God for a bountiful harvest. Until that night, when ''he'' came ashore. ''[the islanders all dance and party when Morgan and his crew appear and attack before Past Simone and Lena run away]'' He drove the islanders into the bayou. All except for Lena and myself. ''[Past Simone and Lena gasp in horror as they watch the islanders run into the bayou and get eaten alive by a group alligators; the two pray to the Cat God in a secret passage way, seeking revenge on Morgan and his crew]'' We uttered a curse on the pirates, to destroy them as they had destroyed our island. Our wish was granted. ''[Past Simone and Lena transform into were-cats and leave the cave before coming across Morgan and his crew digging a hole in the ground to put a treasure chest inside]'' We became cat creatures and destroyed the pirates. ''[Morgan screams; flashback fades]'' Only afterwards, did we discover that invoking the Cat God's power had cursed us as well. :''[Flashback resumes]'' :'''Lena''': ''[voice-over]'' Over the years, boats continue to come to our island. One was full of spice traders who started a pepper plantation. The plantation flourished-- :'''Simone''': At least, until the Harvest Moon. ''[A man screams; flashback fades]'' Sometimes, it became necessary for Lena to lure outsiders back to the island. :'''Fred''': ''[realizing]'' Just like you lured ''us.'' :'''Lena''': I've had ''years'' of practice. :'''Daphne''': And those zombies are just the poor souls you drained. They were just trying to warn us so we wouldn't suffer the same fate they did. :'''Simone''': Pretty smart for a television reporter. :''[Snarling is heard from above]'' :'''Lena''': Sounds like Jacques has found your frightened friends. :'''Fred''': Jacques? :'''Simone''': We needed a ferry driver. The old man wanted immortality, so we gave it to him. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Lena, Simone, and Jacques corner the Mystery Gang and Beau, they suddenly start to disintegrate and shriek in pain]'' :'''Velma''': ''[looking at the moon dial]'' Looks like your nine lives are up! :''[The shadow on the moon dial has passed the midnight alignment, expiring their curse, and Lena, Simone, and Jacques have fully disintegrated into nothing but dust and bones, instantly destroyed]'' :'''Shaggy''': ''[as the zombies start disintegrating into their spirits]'' Zoinks! Like, what's happening to them? :'''Velma''': Their spirits have been avenged, Shaggy. So they can finally rest in peace. :'''Jackson T. Pettigrew's ghost''': Thank y'all... == Cast == * [[w:Scott Innes|Scott Innes]] — [[w:Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]] * [[w:Billy West|Billy West]] — [[w:Shaggy Rogers|Shaggy Rogers]] * [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] — [[w:Daphne Blake|Daphne Blake]] * [[Frank Welker]] — [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] * [[w:B.J. Ward (actress)|B.J. Ward]] — [[w:Velma Dinkley|Velma Dinkley]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] — Simone Lenoir * [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] – Lena Dupree * [[w:Cam Clarke|Cam Clarke]] – Detective Beau Neville * [[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]] – Jacques * [[Mark Hamill]] – Snakebite Scruggs * [[w:Jennifer Leigh Warren|Jennifer Leigh Warren]] – Chris * [[w:Ed Gilbert|Ed Gilbert]] – Mr. Beeman == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0166792|title=Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:1998 animated films]] [[Category:1990s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated mystery films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:Zombie comedy films]] [[Category:Films set in New Orleans]] [[Category:Films set on fictional islands]] [[Category:Animated horror films]] [[Category:Films about Voodoo]] [[Category:Southern Gothic films]] {{film-stub}} hrtjl35rsnxt2rj3z08mp9aosrm1vtt 0 186479 3949466 3934305 2026-06-06T07:24:44Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Dialogue */ 3949466 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[The Scooby-Doo Show]] / [[The New Scooby and Scrappy-Doo Show]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Mysteries]] / [[The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo]] / [[A Pup Named Scooby-Doo]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo Meets the Boo Brothers]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! and the Witch's Ghost|Scooby-Doo! and the Witch's Ghost]]''''' is a [[w:1999 in film|1999 film]] about Scooby-Doo and the gang, who visit Oakhaven, Massachusetts to seek strange goings on involving a mysterious horror novelist and his ancestor who is rumored be a witch. :''Directed by Jim Stenstrum. Written by Glenn Leopold. {{center|'''Mysteries as old as mankind.'''&nbsp; <small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Gobble, gobble, gobble! * Like, that would've been a "hot" bestseller. === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * You've been reading too many of your own horror stories, Ravencroft. === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * Why go through this elaborate scheme? Why not just ask us to find the book? === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * Ben Ravencroft's last book is one the world will never buy. == Dialogue == :'''Ben''': Now where was I? Dreadful darkness, hear my cry, bring back one who cannot die! Let the witch who perished here live again and reappear! ''[The green lightning strikes the ground and big rocks appear, throwing the gang as Ben laughs evilly. Scooby and Shaggy walk and get trapped in the wagon wheel. The evil ghost faces appear to form a tornado as Ben laughs evily and the ghostly figure of Sarah Ravencroft appears. She floats down]'' :'''Ben''': In my wildest dreams, I could never have imagined such an imposing creature. :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': Thank thee, thou canst not know what my bondage hath been like. Who art thou? :'''Ben''': Ben Ravencroft, your descendant from the modern world. :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': Modern? Not much seems to have changed. :'''Mayor Corey''': Please don't hurt us! :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': The same pathetic peasants, grovelling for their puny lives. :'''Ben''': But, (''Sarah slaps Ben's hand away from her hand'') Sarah, I want to become more powerful, like you. :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': (''Laughing evilly'') Thou jest. :'''Ben''': But it was I who released you, you should serve me. :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': I serve no one, leastwise a worm-like thee. Aye, thou has freed me, so now I can punish the world for my long imprisonment.(''Sarah uses her evil magic vapor to make all things decay and turn to ash'') I shall create an era of darkness over this land! (''laughing evilly'') :'''Shaggy Rogers''': L- like we're goners, Scoob! (''pull themselves out of the wagon wheel before it turns into ash by a magic vapor'') :'''Mayor Corey and Mr. McKnight''': Aaah! :'''Ben''': (''gasps'') This isn't what I envisioned. We were supposed to rule the world together, not destroy it! :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': I care not for thy whims. Cross my path and I shall destroy thee along with thy world! :'''Ben''': But I have the book! And I will return you back into the book. Ancient evil get thee hence. Only good can recompense for the- :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': (''Laughing evilly'') Thinkest thou art a Wiccan? Only a virtuous soul can imprison me. (''traps Ben into the green energy sphere, laughing evilly'') :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': Thou shall pay for thine impudence. :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': Thine mockery shall be thy last. :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': (''Laughing evilly'') :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': Bring me the book. :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': (''Laughing evilly'') :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': The book is useless to a mere mortal. :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': Nay, I'll stop thee myself. :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': No, not again. :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': I won't go back alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': Do my bidding bird, get them! :[''She enlarges a turkey and sends it after Shaggy and Scooby''] :'''Shaggy Rogers''': A turkey? ''(he and Scooby laugh)'' Even we're not scared of that- ''(Scooby Doo stops laughing as they see the turkey)'' :'''Scooby Doo''': Huh? :'''Shaggy Rogers''': (Scooby Doo screams) Like, now we are! Yikes! :[''They run off, as the giant turkey gives the chase.''] :'''Scooby Doo and Shaggy Rogers''': Aaaah! Yikes! (run faster as Sarah Ravencroft laughs evilly) :[''They scream, run and enter the house, but the turkey is too big. Then Shaggy and Scooby run away but miss him.''] :'''Shaggy Rogers''': Gobble, gobble, gobble! '' (Sarah appears behind them)'' :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': I believe thou hast something that is mine! ''(she blasts the door)'' :'''Giant turkey''': Uh-oh. :[''The door slams into the turkey, making it dizzy as the turkey then sees Shaggy and Scooby with the stuffing.''] :'''Shaggy Rogers''': Like, got the stuffing, Scoob? :'''Scooby-Doo''': Reah. :'''Shaggy Rogers''': Time to baste this bird. :[''The turkey screams and sends itself fly.''] :'''Shaggy Rogers''': ''(laughs)'' I guess he didn't have the right stuff, ol' buddy! <hr width="50%"/> [''Shaggy throws a bucket of water at Sarah Ravencroft''] :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': What...was that? :'''Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers''': You're not melting! Like, it worked in ''[[The Wizard of Oz]]''! :'''Sarah Ravencroft''': Fool, I shall destroy thee! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Velma Dinkley''': You won't get away with this, Ben Ravencroft! :'''Ben "Benjamin" Ravencroft''': Why? Because of you meddling kids? :'''Fred "Frederick" Jones''': Hey, we're not kids! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ben''': ''(surprised to see Mayor Corey and Mr. McKnight outside his study)'' Mayor? :'''Mayor Corey''': We've been ringing your doorbell for some time and... :'''Ben''': ''(approaching them)'' Oh, sorry about that. I've been meaning to fix that thing for years. What's up, Mayor? :'''Mayor Corey''': Well, Ben. I feel really bad about everything and I want to apologize for using your ancestor in our little publicity stunt. :'''Mr. McKnight''': Yeah, the tourist trade was so slow, we were desperate. :'''Mayor Corey''': Right and you once told me that supernatural phenomenon always attracts people. :'''Mr. McKnight''': It was just natural to use Sarah in all this...we accidentally dug up her grave. :'''Ben''': ''(astounded)'' What grave?! :'''Mayor Corey''': I'm sorry, Ben. But you see, I lied to you when you asked me if we found anything of Sarah's while we were building the Puritan village. :'''Mr. McKnight''': We did; it was her grave marker. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Daphne''' (noticing the book's cover is not innocent): Looks kind of evil to belong to a wiccan healer. :'''Velma''': Ben, that doesn't seem to be a journal at all. :'''Ben''': ''(reveals his true colors)'' Because it isn't, Velma. It's a spellbook! :'''Velma''': ''(gasps)'' :'''Ben''': You see, Sarah wasn't a Wiccan. She was indeed a witch! :'''Mayor Corey and Mr. McKnight''': ''(gasp)'' :'''Thorn, Luna, and Dusk''': ''(gasp)'' :'''Thorn''': A real witch? :'''Dusk''': Heavy. :'''Ben''': And since Sarah's blood runs in my veins, I guess that makes me... a warlock! :'''Shaggy''': ''(whimpers)'' :'''Scooby''': Warlock? :'''Ben''': The Wiccans imprisoned Sarah in her own spellbook, and you helped me find it. :'''Velma''': You lied to me, Ben! :'''Ben''': Well, gee. I had to. I've been searching for years, then I read about your exploits. ''(in a flashback)'' I knew if anyone could help me find the book, it was you and your friends. I orchestrated the whole mummy scheme, paying off the archaeologists ''(Perkins and Griswald)'' and the security guards just to lure you to the museum so we could meet. ''(back in the present)'' ''(chuckles evilly)'' Yes, Velma. I tricked you into helping me, and it worked. :'''Fred''': ''(to Mayor Corey and Mr. McKnight)'' And you were in on Ben's plan, too! :'''Mayor Corey''': Huh? No! We're as surprised as you are, uh, honest! :'''Ben''': For once, he's telling the truth. That stupid fake ghost was the town's idea, but it did work to my advantage. :'''Daphne''': Why go through this elaborate scheme? Why not just ask us to find the book? :'''Velma''': I know why. If we knew what that book was, we would never have helped him! :'''Ben''': But even you can't imagine the real power of this book. No mere mortal can. :'''Fred''': You've been reading too many of your own horror stories, Ravencroft. :'''Ben''': A typical mortal response, but I am descended from a superior breed. I shall unlock the power of the imprisoned Sarah Ravencroft! :'''Shaggy''': Like, I don't like the sound of this! :'''Scooby''': Me either! :'''Ben''': Together, we shall reign supreme. Let the evil from the past, breathe again with fiery blast! :'''Velma Dinkley''': No! :'''Ben''': Let the dark wind whip the night to blow away the force of light! :'''Shaggy''': I know what comes next, Buddy. Big trouble! :'''Ben''': Now, I summon ancient power! :'''Velma Dinkley''': Ben, please stop! :'''Ben''': This is evil's finest hour! (''Laughs evilly'') :'''Velma Dinkley''': No! :'''Ben''': What's the matter, Velma? Don't you like the new improved Ben Ravencroft? :'''Velma Dinkley''': No, frankly, I don't! :'''Ben''': Well, get used to it. :'''Mayor Corey and Mr. McKnight''': (''Scream'') :'''Ben''': Leaving so soon? (''Captures the Mayor and Mr. McKnight'') The party's just beginning! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Thorn, Luna, and Dusk''': '''(Playing the Guitar And Singing)''' Hex Girls I'm gonna be spell on you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Velma Dinkley''': Ben Ravencroft's last book is one the world will never buy. :'''Daphne Blake''': Thank goodness. :'''Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers''': Like, that would've been a "hot" bestseller. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Corey''': I think we need a "bigger" attraction. :'''Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers''': Uh, mayor? (points to the giant turkey) == Cast == * [[w:Scott Innes|Scott Innes]] — Scooby-Doo and Norville "Shaggy" Rogers * [[Frank Welker]] — Fred "Frederick" Jones and Turkey * [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] — Daphne Blake, Witch’s Ghost and Girl * [[w:B.J. Ward|B.J. Ward]] — Velma Dinkley * [[Tim Curry]] — Ben "Benjamin" Ravencroft * [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] — Sarah Ravencroft * [[w:Jennifer Hale|Jennifer Hale]] — Thorn/Sally McKnight and Butter Churner * [[w:Jane Wiedlin|Jane Wiedlin]] — Dusk * [[w:Kimberly Brooks|Kimberly Brooks]] — Luna * [[w:Neil Ross|Neil Ross]] — Mayor Corey/Exhibit Voice * [[w:Peter Reneday|Peter Reneday]] — Mr. McKnight * [[w:Jamie Alcroft|Jamie Alcroft]] - Dr. Dean * [[Rodger Bumpass]] - Perkins * [[Dee Bradley Baker]] - The Giant Turkey * [[w:Buster Jones|Buster Jones]] - Tourist #1 * [[w:Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry]] - Tourist #2 * [[w:Jill Talley|Jill Talley]] - Pilgrim Woman * [[w:Bob Joles|Bob Joles]] - Jack == Tagline == * Mysteries as old as mankind. Witchcraft. Ghosts. Talking dogs. == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0196931|title=Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:1999 American animated films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated horror films]] [[Category:American children's animated mystery films]] [[Category:Films about witchcraft]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:Films about musical groups]] {{film-stub}} 5v8llu8o6mnqz9i1fspv6qrlv92s8o5 0 186592 3949453 3913965 2026-06-06T06:55:54Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Dialogue */ 3949453 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders|Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]]''''' in 93 minutes release by 20th Century Fox is a [[w:2000 in film|2000 film]] about the gang encountering possible extraterrestrials. :''Directed by Jim Stenstrum. Written by [[w:Glenn Leopold|Glenn Leopold]]. {{film-stub}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Zoinks! Those are the girls! * Zoinks! You can talk? [Amber: Yes, quite well.] Dig that, Scoob! A talking dog! === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * Imagine that. === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * Scooby, Shaggy, those aliens are Crystal and Amber! === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * Look at them! == Dialogue == :''[first lines]'' :'''Max''': '''YEOW!''' :'''Laura''': Huh? What happened? :'''Max''': I got a blast from something. :'''Laura''': ''[walks over and peers at the meter]'' Yeah, you're right. It's over 120 on the meter. :'''Max''': [puts his headset back on searching for the signal] I don't hear it anymore. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Daphne''': Scooby, Shaggy, those aliens are Crystal and Amber! :'''Scooby & Shaggy''': ''[surprised]'' Huh? :'''Shaggy''': ''[confused]'' What are you talking about? :'''Velma''': Look at them! :'''Scooby & Shaggy''': ''[look at Crystal & Amber and Shaggy recognizes the piece symbol necklace still around Crystal's neck]'' :'''Crystal''': Shaggy, help! :'''Shaggy''': ''[shocked]'' Zoinks! Those ''are'' the girls! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Crystal''': [after she and Amber have revealed themselves to be aliens and changed back] I have another confession... :'''Shaggy''': Like, I know. You're not a government agent. :'''Crystal''': Well actually, we are. But not from Earth. We were sent by our world to investigate signals from your planet. :'''Amber''': Transmitted from the south station. :'''Shaggy''': Zoinks! You can talk? :'''Amber''': Yes, quite well. :'''Shaggy''': Dig that, Scoob! A talking dog! :'''Scooby Doo''': ''[surprised]'' Ryeah! :'''Fred''': ''[dryly, to Velma and Daphne]'' Imagine that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaggy''': Like, we're just completely destroyed. That's all. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Max''': Get away from us! == Cast == * Scott Innes — Scooby, Shaggy * Mary Kay Bergman — Daphne * [[Frank Welker]] — Fred * [[w:B.J. Ward|B.J. Ward]] — Velma * Jeff Bennett — Lester * Jennifer Hale — Dottie * [[Mark Hamill]] — Steve * Candi Milo — Crystal and Amber * Kevin Michael Richardson — Max and Aliens * Neil Ross — Sergio and Buck * Audrey Wasilewski — Laura == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0253658|title=Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2000 animated films]] [[Category:2000s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]] [[Category:American children's animated mystery films]] [[Category:Warner Bros. direct-to-video films]] [[Category:Films about extraterrestrial life]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films‎]] dfn7i89nqfigdtrug25kp4l3y35xike 3949518 3949453 2026-06-06T10:16:25Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 3949518 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders|Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]]''''' in 93 minutes release by 20th Century Fox is a [[w:2000 in film|2000 film]] about the gang encountering possible extraterrestrials. :''Directed by Jim Stenstrum. Written by [[w:Glenn Leopold|Glenn Leopold]]. {{film-stub}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Zoinks! Those are the girls! * Zoinks! You can talk? [Amber: Yes, quite well.] Dig that, Scoob! A talking dog! === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * Imagine that. === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * Scooby, Shaggy, those aliens are Crystal and Amber! === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * Look at them! == Dialogue == :''[first lines]'' :'''Max''': '''YEOW!''' :'''Laura''': Huh? What happened? :'''Max''': I got a blast from something. :'''Laura''': ''[walks over and peers at the meter]'' Yeah, you're right. It's over 120 on the meter. :'''Max''': [puts his headset back on searching for the signal] I don't hear it anymore. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Daphne''': Scooby, Shaggy, those aliens are Crystal and Amber! :'''Scooby & Shaggy''': ''[surprised]'' Huh? :'''Shaggy''': ''[confused]'' What are you talking about? :'''Velma''': Look at them! :'''Scooby & Shaggy''': ''[look at Crystal & Amber and Shaggy recognizes the piece symbol necklace still around Crystal's neck]'' :'''Crystal''': Shaggy, help! :'''Shaggy''': ''[shocked]'' Zoinks! Those ''are'' the girls! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Crystal''': [after she and Amber have revealed themselves to be aliens and changed back] I have another confession... :'''Shaggy''': Like, I know. You're not a government agent. :'''Crystal''': Well actually, we are. But not from Earth. We were sent by our world to investigate signals from your planet. :'''Amber''': Transmitted from the south station. :'''Shaggy''': Zoinks! You can talk? :'''Amber''': Yes, quite well. :'''Shaggy''': Dig that, Scoob! A talking dog! :'''Scooby Doo''': ''[surprised]'' Ryeah! :'''Fred''': ''[dryly, to Velma and Daphne]'' Imagine that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaggy''': Like, we're just completely destroyed. That's all. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Max''': Get away from us! == Cast == * Scott Innes — Scooby, Shaggy * Mary Kay Bergman — Daphne * [[Frank Welker]] — Fred * [[w:B.J. Ward|B.J. Ward]] — Velma * Jeff Bennett — Lester * Jennifer Hale — Dottie * [[Mark Hamill]] — Steve * Candi Milo — Crystal and Amber * Kevin Michael Richardson — Max and Aliens * Neil Ross — Sergio and Buck * Audrey Wasilewski — Laura == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0253658|title=Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2000 animated films]] [[Category:2000s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]] [[Category:American children's animated mystery films]] [[Category:Warner Bros. direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:Films about extraterrestrial life]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films‎]] 905x128gxvbhtjh4dc4wxlkofigdwdw 0 186602 3949470 3947542 2026-06-06T07:31:35Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Dialogue */ 3949470 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase|Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]]''''' is a [[w:2001 in film|2001 film]] about Scooby and the gang getting trapped in a video game created for them, and they must fight against the 'Phantom Virus'. :''Directed by Jim Stenstrum. Written by [[w:Joseph Barbera|Joseph Barbera]]. {{center/s}}'''Like, compu-zoinks!'''&nbsp; {{center/e}} {{film-stub}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * You're me! ['''Cyber Shaggy''': And, like, you're me!] === {{w|Fred Jones}} === *Nice ascot. ['''Cyber Fred''': Works for me.] === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * Did I really wear that years ago? ['''Cyber Daphne''': That jacket with that skirt?] === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * You're the characters in Eric's video game. ['''Cyber Velma''': And you're from the real world!] == Dialogue == :'''Both Shaggys''': Zoinks! :'''Shaggy Rogers''': You're me! :'''Cyber Shaggy''': And, like, you're me! :'''Velma Dinkley''': You're the characters in Eric's video game. :'''Cyber Velma''': And you're from the real world! :'''Both Velmas''': Jinkies! :'''Daphne Blake''': ''[after looking at her Cyber character's wardrobe]'' Did I really wear that years ago? :'''Cyber Daphne''': ''[after looking at her real counterpart's wardrobe]'' That jacket with that skirt? :'''Both Daphnes''': Hmm... :'''Fred Jones''': ''[complimenting his Cyber character's wardrobe]'' Nice ascot. :'''Cyber Fred''': ''[chuckles]'' Works for me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Fred''': [while riding in the "classic" Mystery Machine] Wow, this is [[Nostalgia|nostalgic]]! I miss this old van. :'''Cyber Fred''': In Cyber World, things never get old. It's pretty cool. There's a lot to like in Cyber World. There's stores, theaters, and parks, and lots of tasty food. :'''Scooby''': Reah. :'''Daphne''': But what about all the monsters and villains? :'''Cyber Shaggy''': We haven't seen any. They're probably guarding the Scooby Snacks. :'''Velma''': You mean, you guys don't know where the Scooby Snacks are? :'''Cyber Velma''': We know where they are. There's just no reason go after them, because even if we get the Scooby Snacks, we'd just go right back to the beginning of the game. :'''Cyber Daphne''': And we like it here. :'''Cyber Shaggy''': Until you guys showed up with that Phantom Virus, that is. :'''Velma''': We would gladly get rid of him for you. :'''Cyber Daphne''': If we could. :'''Fred''': You know, if all ten of us team up, the Phantom Virus wouldn't stand a chance. :'''Cyber Fred''': [in agreement] Yeah! :'''Cyber Shaggy''': [after giving this some thought] Well, I guess we gonna go after the Scooby Snax eventually. :'''Daphne Blake''': [to the cyber gang] So you'll help? :'''Cyber Fred''': Count us in! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaggy''': Scooby-Doos! :'''Cyber Shaggy''': Where are you? :'''Daphne''': I wonder where they are. :'''Both Scoobys''': Rover here! :'''Both Velmas''': There they are! :'''Both Shaggys''': Come on, Scooby! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Officer Wembley''': ''[handcuffs Bill]'' Okay, son, it's all over. :'''Eric''': Bill, you were my best friend. :'''Professor Kaufman''': And my best student. :'''Bill''': But you didn't pick my project. :'''Eric''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Bill''': Professor Kaufman chose your video design over mine, even though I've been here 2 years longer. :'''Professor Kaufman''': Students are all equal, Bill. :'''Velma''': So, you invented the phantom virus, hoping it would scare Eric away. :'''Bill''': That's right, and it worked, till you guys showed up. :'''Fred''': You were afraid that we would find out who created the virus. :'''Shaggy''': So you beamed us into cyberspace. :'''Bill''': ''[as Officer Wembley takes him away]'' The prize would've been all mine, if it wasn't for... :'''Mystery Inc.''': Us meddling kids. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaggy''': Your turn, Scoob. What's your favorite part of "Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase"? :'''Scooby''': Ra raser. == Cast == * [[w:Scott Innes|Scott Innes]] — Scooby-Doo, Shaggy, Cyber-Scooby, Cyber-Shaggy * [[Frank Welker]] — Fred, Cyber-Fred, Gladiator Lion * [[w:Grey DeLisle|Grey DeLisle]] — Daphne, Cyber-Daphne * [[w:B.J. Ward|B.J. Ward]] — Velma, Cyber-Velma * [[w:Joe Alaskey]] - Officer Wembley * [[w:Bob Bergen|Bob Bergen]] - Eric Staufer * [[w:Mikey Kelley|Mikey Kelley]] - Bill McLemore * [[w:Tom Kane|Tom Kane]] - Professor Robert Kaufman * [[w:Gary Anthony Stugris|Gary Anthony Stugris]] - Phantom Virus == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0290057|title=Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2001 animated films]] [[Category:American animated films]] [[Category:Science fantasy films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films‎]] [[Category:2000s American animated films]] [[Category:Animated films about computer security]] [[Category:Animated films about video games]] [[Category:Animated films about technology]] [[Category:Animated films about virtual reality]] 56du7qd8k964nrhlz7vuhahqupzgsbf 0 187542 3949496 3937425 2026-06-06T08:25:00Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Dialogue */ 3949496 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title|2003 American animated film}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] (2002) / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] (2003) / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] (2003) / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire|Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]]''''' is a [[w:2002 in film|2002 film]] about the gang who go to [[Australia]] to investigate the recent disappearances of the performances at the music festivals, by the so called 'Yowie Yahoo'. :''Directed by Scott Jeralds. Written by Mark Turosz.'' {{film-stub}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === === {{w|Fred Jones}} === === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === == Dialogue == :'''Velma''': What happened to them? :'''Russell''': After they lost the contest, they went up to Vampire Rock to camp. They were never heard from again. :'''Fred''': They just disappeared? :'''Daniel Illiwara''': The locals believe the Yowie Yahoo turned them into vampires. :'''Shaggy''': The vampires, the creepy, and like scary-- :'''Daphne''': Alright, Shaggy! We get your point. == Cast == * [[Frank Welker]] — Scooby/Fred * [[w:Casey Kasem|Casey Kasem]] — Shaggy * [[Nicole Jaffe]] — Velma * [[w:Heather North|Heather North]] — Daphne == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Scooby-Doo}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2002 films]] [[Category:2002 animated films]] [[Category:2000s American animated films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:Films about vampires]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated mystery films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:Animated films set in Australia]] [[Category:Animated films set in Sydney]] kcm8aioirxnr48mzclx8pgqxdpzmrsp 0 187609 3949488 3910739 2026-06-06T08:17:16Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Dialogue */ 3949488 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] (2002) / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] (2003) / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] (2004) / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] (2005) / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] (2008) / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] (2009) / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico|Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]]''''' is a [[w:2003 in film|2003 film]] about the gang traveling to [[Mexico]] and investigating reports of the [[w:Chupacabra|Chupacabra]]. :''Directed by Scott Jeralds. Written by [[w:Douglas Wood (writer)|Douglas Wood]].'' {{film-stub}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === === {{w|Fred Jones}} === === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === ==Dialogue== :'''Daphne Blake''': Okay, Fred, how do you say "hopelessly lost" in Spanish? :'''Velma Dinkley''': It looks like the woods get thicker up ahead. :'''Daphne Blake''': Do you suppose we'll meet any wild animals? :'''Fred 'Freddy' Jones''': We might. :'''Velma Dinkley''': Mostly coyotes and jaguars and boars. :'''Daphne Blake''': Coyotes? :'''Fred 'Freddy' Jones''': And jaguars? :'''Velma Dinkley''': And boars. :'''Daphne Blake''': Oh, my! <hr width=50%> :'''Luis Otero''': Double lock your doors. :'''Charlene''': Say your prayers. :'''Luis Otero''': And wherever you do… :'''Both''': Don't go outside! == Cast == * [[Frank Welker]] — Scooby-Doo, Fred, El Chupacabra * [[w:Heather North|Heather North]] — Daphne (final film role) * [[Nicole Jaffe]] — Velma * [[w:Casey Kasem|Casey Kasem]] — Shaggy * [[w:Eddie Santiago|Eddie Santiago]] — Alejo * [[w:Jesse Borrego|Jesse Borrego]] — Luis == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0369903|title=Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2003 films]] [[Category:2003 animated films]] [[Category:2000s American animated films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated mystery films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:Films set in Mexico]] cjjzrq6pm7dlj00knwuyveos43zt97w 0 187611 3949489 3937424 2026-06-06T08:18:14Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Dialogue */ 3949489 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] | '''20th Century Fox and Regency''': [[Scooby-Doo! Return of Leprechaun]] ---- <br> '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster|Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]]''''' is a [[w:2003 in film|2003 film]] about the gang traveling to [[w:Loch Ness|Loch Ness]] and investigating reports of [[w:Loch Ness Monster|its monster]]. :''Directed by Scott Jeralds. Written by Ed Scharlach.'' {{film-stub}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === === {{w|Fred Jones}} === === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === ==Dialogue== :'''Shannon Blake''': For centuries the Blakes have been falling through trap doors, finding secret passageways, getting kidnapped, and getting caught in traps of our own creation. The Blakes have been famous for being-how should I put this? Danger prone. :'''Daphne Blake''': [as the gang looks at her] What? :'''Shaggy, Scooby, Velma and Fred''': Oh, nothing. Love the architecture. == Cast == * [[Frank Welker]] — Scooby-Doo, Fred, Lachlan Haggart * [[w:Casey Kasem|Casey Kasem]] — Shaggy * [[w:Mindy Cohn|Mindy Cohn]] — Velma * [[w:Grey DeLisle|Grey DeLisle]] — Daphne, Shannon * Michael Bell - Duncan == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0418141|title=Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster}} {{Scooby-Doo}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2003 films]] [[Category:2003 animated films]] [[Category:2000s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated horror films]] [[Category:American children's animated mystery films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:Animated films set in castles]] [[Category:Animated films set in Highland (council area)]] [[Category:Animated films set in Scotland]] [[Category:Films set in Loch Ness]] r7cwfmtbnfl9mszr1o2njiwhckpkasw 0 187612 3949483 3937428 2026-06-06T08:08:13Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Dialogue */ 3949483 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''[[w:Aloha, Scooby-Doo!|Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]]''''' is a [[w:2004 in film|2004 film]] about the gang traveling to [[Hawaii]] and investigating reports of a [[w:Tiki|tiki]] demon. :''Directed by Tim Maltby. Written by Temple Mathews.'' {{film-stub}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! Aloha! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Fred, could I make a suggestion? === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * Let me guess. You wanna leave and never come back. === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * Jeepers! === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * Jinkles! ==Dialogue== :'''Shaggy''': ''[after unintentionally grabbing a snake]'' Whoops! Sorry! Won't happen again! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Auntie Mahina''': If the ancient mythology is true, the Wiki Tiki will sacrifice Manu and Snookie by throwing them into the volcano. :'''Daphne''': Oh, no! :'''Fred Jones''': Then we've got to climb up there and stop him. :'''Auntie Mahina''': You must go and find the entrance to his lair and enter through the mountain. :'''Shaggy''': You mean, like, through spooky caves and stuff? :'''Auntie Mahina''': Yes, through spooky caves and stuff. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaggy''': Fred, could I make a suggestion? :'''Fred Jones''': Let me guess. You wanna leave and never come back. :'''Shaggy''': Wow, groovy. It's like you read my mind. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Scooby''': Scooby-Dooby-Doo! Aloha! ==Cast== * [[Frank Welker]] — Scooby-Doo, Fred Jones, Wiki-Tiki, Interviewer * [[w:Casey Kasem|Casey Kasem]] — Shaggy Rogers * [[w:Grey DeLisle|Grey DeLisle]] — Daphne Blake, Auntie Mahina, Local Woman #2 * [[w:Mindy Cohn|Mindy Cohn]] — Velma Dinkley * [[w:Ray Bumatai|Ray Bumatai]] — Little Jim * [[Teri Garr]] — Mayor Molly Quinn * [[Adam West]] — Jared Moon * [[Tom Kenny]] — Ruben Laluna * [[Dee Bradley Baker]] — Additional Voices * [[w:Tia Carrere|Tia Carrere]] — Snookie, Local Woman ==External links== {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0433771|title=Aloha, Scooby-Doo!}} {{Scooby-Doo}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2004 films]] [[Category:2004 American animated films]] [[Category:2000s American animated films]] [[Category:Warner Bros. direct-to-video films]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated mystery films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films‎]] [[Category:Films set on islands]] [[Category:Animated films set in Hawaii]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] ceslt7exvmiu6o04694aaodt0d9nala 0 187613 3949480 3943183 2026-06-06T08:03:39Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Dialogue */ 3949480 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo Meets the Boo Brothers]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?|Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]]''''' in 104 minutes release is a [[w:2005 in film|2005 film]] about about a mystery that unfolds when [[Cleopatra VII|Cleopatra's]] tomb is discovered in [[Egypt]]. :''Directed by Joe Sichta. Written by [[w:Joseph Barbera|Joseph Barbera]]. {{film-stub}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Hoax? Like, tell that to poor Velma, turned to stone, and meanwhile, we're living the good life... well, expect for that giant scorpin part. === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * It just doesn't add up. If the Nile ran dry because of Hotep's scheme, could the cruise of Cleopatra be a hoax after all? === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * Oh, poor Scooby. Listen to him ''[hugs Scooby]'' He's heartbroken. I got something that might cheer you up. Regonize this? ''[puts Scooby's collar back on]'' === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * '''JINKLES!''' * Okay, Scooby, okay. * As soon as we discovered the hidden chamber, Omar knew the treasure hunters would come from all over. == Dialogue == :'''Fred''': ''[consulting Omar's journal]'' I'll translate the ancient writing. "Help, the heavy tourist is pinching my kitten." :'''Daphne''': ''[grabs the journal]'' Uh, how about "the necklace is the key to the curse"? :'''Fred''': Ooh! Even better. :'''Velma''': JINKES! :'''Fred''': It's Velma! Come on! :'''Daphne''': ''[gasps]'' Oh, no! Velma's been struck by the curse! :'''Fred''': It just doesn't add up. If the Nile ran dry because of Hotep's scheme, could the cruise of Cleopatra be a hoax after all? :'''Shaggy''': Hoax? Like, tell that to poor Velma, turned to stone, and meanwhile, we're living the good life... well, expect for that giant scorpin part. :'''Scooby''': ''[howling]'' :'''Daphne''': Oh, poor Scooby. Listen to him ''[hugs Scooby]'' He's heartbroken. :'''Scooby''': ''[whimper]'' :'''Daphne''': I got something that might cheer you up. Regonize this? ''[puts Scooby's collar back on]'' :'''Scooby''': Aw, Scooby-Doo. :'''Fred, Daphne, and Shaggy''': Velma!? :'''Velma''': ''[Scooby licks her]'' Okay, Scooby, okay. :'''Velma''': As soon as we discovered the hidden chamber, Omar knew the treasure hunters would come from all over. == Cast == * [[Frank Welker]] — Fred Jones / Scooby-Doo * [[w:Casey Kasem|Casey Kasem]] — Shaggy Rogers * [[w:Mindy Cohn|Mindy Cohn]] — Velma Dinkley * [[w:Grey DeLisle|Grey DeLisle]] — Daphne Blake / Natasha * [[w:Christine Baranski|Christine Baranski]] — Amelia Von Butch * [[w:Ajay Naidu|Ajay Naidu]] — Prince Omar Karam * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] — Armin Granger aka Hotep / Ancient One #2 == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0480461|title=Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?}} {{Scooby-Doo}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2005 films]] [[Category:2000s American animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated mystery films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:Films about mummies]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:Animated films set in Egypt]] lopdz1lwtmc9480lqlw7jcdrahl4999 0 187619 3949490 3926020 2026-06-06T08:19:01Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Other */ 3949490 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!|Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]]''''' is a [[w:2006 in film|2006 film]] about when the gang takes a cruise in the [[w:Bermuda Triangle|Bermuda Triangle]] and are attacked by supposed ghost pirates. :''Directed by [[w:Chuck Sheetz|Chuck Sheetz]]. Written by Margaret M. Dean. {{film-stub}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === === {{w|Fred Jones}} === === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === == Other == '''Captain Skunkbeard''': Who dares enter the Bermuda Triangle? Ye have crossed paths with Captain Skunkbeard, and now ye shall pay the price! == Dialogue == :Velma: [chuckles] Uh, thank you. == Cast == * [[Frank Welker]] — Scooby-Doo and Fred * Casey Kasem — Shaggy * Mindy Cohn — Velma * Grey DeLisle — Daphne * Ron Perlman — Captain Skunkbeard and Biff Wellington == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0867418|title=Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!}} {{Scooby-Doo}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2006 animated films]] [[Category:2000s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated mystery films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:Films set on ships]] ntyxq02hty5wvi8fromwr1coae6gh17 0 191156 3949389 3858121 2026-06-06T02:18:28Z ~2026-32799-52 3334854 /* And Then There Was Shawn [5.17] */ 3949389 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Season''' [[Boy Meets World (season 1)|1]] [[Boy Meets World (season 2)|2]] [[Boy Meets World (season 3)|3]] [[Boy Meets World (season 4)|4]] [[Boy Meets World (season 5)|5]] [[Boy Meets World (season 6)|6]] [[Boy Meets World (season 7)|7]] | [[Boy Meets World|'''Main''']] ---- '''''[[w:Boy Meets World|Boy Meets World]]''''' (1993–2000) was a television sitcom in which Cory Matthews ([[w:Ben Savage|Ben Savage]]) experiences all the twists and turns of life along with his teacher, Mr. Feeny ([[w:William Daniels|William Daniels]]); his brother, Eric ([[w:Will Friedle|Will Friedle]]); his best friend, Shawn ([[w:Rider Strong|Rider Strong]]); and his girlfriend, Topanga ([[w:Danielle Fishel|Danielle Fishel]]). === Brothers [5.1]=== :'''Cory''': ''[referring to candles]'' Oh, those are for Topanga. Those set the mood. :'''Shawn''': Kinda looks like a church in here. :'''Cory''': You're ruining the mood! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Topanga''': You have a picture of your brother in your wallet? :'''Cory''': Yeah, why? :'''Topanga''': Oh, nothing. I just think it's sweet. I'm in there too, right? :'''Cory''': You will be. === Boy Meets Real World [5.2]=== :'''Feeny''': An excellent start on your documentary, Mr. Matthews. :'''Cory''': What? :'''Feeny''': Yes, excellent. I said excellent, and I was talking about something you did. I don't know what came over me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shawn''': You have five minutes of me in the shower. You can't use that! :'''Cory''': It's for the European version. If I don't get into NYU, my next choice is Sweden YU. === It's Not You... It's Me [5.3]=== :'''Shawn''': Look, Mr. Feeny. Let's not waste anyone's time. Cory and I, we broke up. :'''Cory''': It should've happened sooner! :'''Shawn''': But we stayed together for the kids... :''[Feeny looks puzzled]'' :'''Cory''': ...in the class. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Feeny''': ''[holding an open book]'' And that, Mr. Hunter, is how babies are made. :'''Shawn''': I still don't believe him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Eric''': You don't get it. We're in college now. We're being judged on a whole new level. Theories and footnotes, shades of meaning, nuance, spelling, where does it end? WHERE DOES IT END? === Fraternity Row [5.4]=== :''[Jack gets off the elevator in a red dress, high heels and a matching kerchief]'' :'''Jack''': I don't want to talk about it, okay? :'''Eric''': Yeah, well, I do! You took that out of my closet! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Professor Michaels''': Free will. Wanna take a shot? :'''Shawn''': Do I really have a choice? :'''Professor Michaels''': Ooh, gotta take five. === The Witches of Pennbrook [5.5]=== :'''Jack''': I'm just uncomfortable picking up girls. :'''Eric''': Watch and learn. ''[gets very close to Jack's face with a weird smile]'' :'''Jack''': What are you doing? :'''Eric''': I'm loving you with my eyes. :'''Jack''': Please don't. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shawn''': Hey, Rosemary. How's the baby? === No Guts, No Cory [5.6]=== :''[Eric has been told that he cannot enlist due to flat feet.]'' :'''Eric''': Everybody's doing their part in this war. I want to help. I'm going back to that recruitment office and tell them that a little case of flat feet isn't gonna stop Eric Matthews from fighting those evil Canadians. :'''Alan''': I have a feeling it's not the flat feet. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shawn''': Cory, we're going down to enlist. Uncle Sam wants us. I wasn't gonna go, but he was pointing right at me. === I Love You, Donna Karan - Part I [5.7]=== :'''Shawn''': It's like you and Topanga, a perfect fit. :'''Cory''': Yeah, but I didn't fall in love with her luggage. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cory''': Mr. Feeny, we found this purse. Who runs the Lost and Found? :'''Feeny''': ''[pause]'' I do, Mr. Matthews. I teach English, history and film, and I run the Lost and Found. :'''Shawn''': We'll put up a notice. === Chasing Angela - Part II [5.8]=== :'''Cory''': ''[referring to Shawn's little black book]'' This will never make you happy! ''[glancing at the book]'' Ahh! My aunt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Eric''': ''[tasting Jack's pumpkin pie]'' Is pumpkin pie supposed to have bones? === How to Succeed in Business [5.9]=== :'''Eric''': Sorry buddy, this seat's saved for ''[sigh]'' Monica. :'''Jack''': What happened to ''[sigh]'' Bridgette? :'''Eric''': She found out about ''[sigh]'' Monica. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Eric''': ''[reading Amy's new paper]'' "An Evening in Cape Cod." Now this is more like it. "As Alan touched me, my lips began to quiver..." Don't you do anything but quiver? ''[skims ahead]'' Oh my God, you do! === Last Tango in Philly [5.10]=== :'''Shawn''': Cor, let's try to figure this thing out. The girls want to dance more than anything in the world and we want to make them happy. :'''Cory''': Okay, there's gotta be a simple solution to all of this. :''[They both think hard for a minute.]'' :'''Shawn''': Anything? :'''Cory''': Nothing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Feeny''': Now, why didn't I see that? :'''Eric''': Well, Mr. Feeny, I'm in college. You're still in high school. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Eric''': From the beginning of time, men have been idiots. === A Very Topanga Christmas [5.11]=== :'''Cory''': This year, no running around the house naked singing "We Wish You A Merry Christmas." I'm looking at ''you.'' :'''Eric''': I only do it because people have come to expect it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jack''': We usually go to the Val d'Isère and see the French Alps. :'''Shawn''': Those of us in the trailer park just like to thank God for all that we have this time of year. :'''Jack''': We pray on the plane. === Raging Cory [5.12]=== :'''Shawn''': I can't believe you hit your dad! Now, does he have to leave the house in shame? Do you get his woman? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jack''': ''[about Shawn's room]'' So when people throw garbage down the chute, this is where it winds up, huh? :'''Shawn''': Are you calling me a pig? :'''Jack''': A pig would never live in here. :'''Shawn''': Oh, yeah? :''[Shawn moves a curtain covering a closet to reveal a big black pig.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cory''': No, I don't wanna get up. I hit my father. That's gotta be a bad sin. If this were the Bible, I'd be a father-smiter. I'd be Cory, son of Alan the Bruised. === The Eskimo [5.13]=== :'''Shawn''': I got four can't-miss ways on how to get Superbowl tickets. :'''Cory''': Okay, give me the best one. :'''Shawn''': I go back in time to the first Superbowl when tickets weren't that hard to get. :'''Cory''': Good. Good. Very good. I don't need to hear the other three. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jack''': Hey. I didn't hear you come in last night. Must've had a pretty good time with your date, huh? :'''Eric''': Evening began at seven. Started with some intimate pre-dinner conversation at a quaint little Mexican place I happen to know. Came back here and... let's just say my clothes were off within five minutes. ''[sips coffee]'' :'''Jack''': You opened your big mouth, she walked out. You ate alone at Taco Bell, came home, took off all your clothes and were asleep by eight 'o'clock. :'''Eric''': How'd you do? :'''Jack''': Not as good. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Eskimo''': I am warm and you are cold. === Heartbreak Cory [5.14]=== :'''Lauren''': Those slopes are treacherous. :'''Feeny''': He fell getting off the bus. :'''Lauren''': Those buses are treacherous. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cory''': If you could change your mate into one animal, what would it be and why? Please, nothing fuzzy-wuzzy. :'''Topanga''': A falcon. :'''Cory''': Yes, a falcon. The hunter of all that is fuzzy-wuzzy. :'''Topanga''': No, a falcon because I want you to be free to soar majestically as long as I know that you'll always come back to me. :'''Angela''': If I ever get like that, kill me. :'''Shawn''': I would have to. === First Girlfriends Club [5.15]=== :'''Cory''': I'm a Valentine's Day veteran, Shawn. I march in the parade. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jack''': This whole Valentine's Day thing is one big scam. The greeting card companies, the candy stores, all trying to rip off the innocent consumer. :'''Eric''': No date, huh? === Torn Between Two Lovers (Feeling Like a Fool) [5.16]=== :'''Feeny''': I need you to proctor. :'''Eric''': Me? Proctor? ''[dreamily]'' Proctor Matthews. :'''Feeny''': You know what "proctor" is? :'''Eric''': Yeah, it's a tushy doctor. Oh! Eeeeww, I'm not gonna do that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Topanga''': He lied to me. He lied to me about staying up all night with Lauren. Strike one. :'''Shawn''': All they did was talk! :'''Topanga''': He lied to me about kissing her! Strike two. :'''Shawn''': All they did was talk and kiss! === And Then There Was Shawn [5.17]=== :'''Feeny''': We'll return to <i>The Young and the Restless</i> right after this word from Feeny. And the word is...Shut up. <hr width=50%/> :'''Feeny''': THAT'S ENOUGH! Now, this class will not be more interested in the romantic goings-on of its students than it is with whatever the hell I'm teaching! <hr width=50%/> :''(the lights come on to reveal someone has thrown a pencil through Kenny's head. Kenny drops to the floor, the pencil leaving a line on the wall as he goes down)'' :'''Cory''': ''(walks to the pencil line on the wall)'' We'll always remember he was this tall. :'''Eric''': Oh my Gosh! They killed Kenny! <hr width=50%/> :'''Eric''': Oh my Gosh! They killed Feeny! <hr width=50%/> :'''Shawn''': Alright lets' ''calmly'' recap :'''Eric''': ''(quickly and panicked)'' Kenny's dead, Feeney's dead, we're trapped inside with the killer! <hr width=50%/> :'''Angela''': Well, is any one of us safe?? :'''Shawn''': Yeah, virgins. Virgins never die. :'''Cory''': All right! [to Topanga] Thanks for saving me. :'''Eric''': [proud] I'm dead! :'''Jack''': [resigned] I'm dead. :'''Shawn''': Well, I'll get as sick as you can get without actually dying. :'''Angela''': Feeny...he's dead. :''pause'' :'''Shawn and Eric''': Go Feeny! Go Feeny! I said, go, go, go Feeny! <hr width=50%/> :'''Jack''': ''(standing over the bodies of Eric and 'Feffy')'' Eric! Feffy. Eric! Oh, he was my friend! My roommate! I didn't really know her. <hr width=50%/> :'''Jack''': He paid half the rent! Now I can't afford to live in my apartment anymore! Wait...if I can't afford to live in my apartment anymore then I don't want to live! :''(Runs to window almost jumping out)'' :'''Angela''': Wait! Wait! Shawn is still your roommate! Together, you can make the rent. <hr width=50%/> :'''Feeny''': Nebraska, Mr. Hunter. Nebraska! :'''Shawn''': The 75th State! Major Export: Tortillas! === If You Can't Be With the One You Love... [5.18]=== :'''Angela''': ''[to Kimberly]'' You make one move on my best friend's man, and that new nose is gonna look like your old nose. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shawn''': Dad used to drink and then he stopped. :'''Jack''': Do you know why he stopped drinking? :'''Shawn''': Because he ran out of money? :'''Jack''': Do you know why my mom left him? :'''Shawn''': Because she went for a guy with more money? === Eric Hollywood [5.19]=== :'''Amy''': I cannot believe how deeply you feel up there, Eric. I mean, when you jumped into Ophelia's grave, overcome with emotion, and then wept openly: where did you get your motivation? :'''Eric''': I got it right here in the script. Look at it... "Weeps openly." I mean, they tell you what to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alan''': The real tragedy tonight is that William Shakespeare couldn't be here to see how good you are! :'''Eric''': Oh, he'll come tomorrow. I mean, we're here all week. :'''Alan''': Unbelievable. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Schneider''': Sometimes I get shy. People who aren't shy make me nervous. === Starry Night [5.20]=== :'''Cory''': This city is a cultural vacuum, my friend. :'''Shawn''': That's why my people settled here. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shawn''': Cor, what I'm about to tell you is gonna make you wanna kill me. :'''Cory''': I'm not gonna kill you, Shawn. It takes too much time to break in a new best friend. === Honesty Night [5.21]=== :'''Feeny''': Is that the stupid idea train coming around the bend? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cory''': Okay Shawn, how are you going to save our doomed relationship? :'''Topanga''': It's not doomed, just hopeless. === Prom-ises, Prom-ises [5.22]=== :'''Shawn''': Tonight we leave as boys and come back men. :'''Cory''': Are we talking about the same thing? :'''Shawn''': ''[raising an eyebrow seductively]'' I certainly hope so. :'''Cory''': Okay, so after the prom, romance in the air, you and Angela, you're gonna look in each other's eyes — :'''Shawn''': Me and Angela? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cory''': I need your credit card. Don't ask me why, I just need it! :'''Eric''': Okay, but it might be maxed out. I just bought some gum. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alan''': We're having a baby! :'''Eric''': I'm going to be an uncle? === Things Change [5.23]=== :'''Eric''': You see, duckies are good, because not only do they give you that non-threatening sense of security, but you can feed them crackers and you can ride 'em. See, duckies are the horsies of the ocean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cory''': I sort of thought you guys would keep my room the way it is. :'''Eric''': Actually, Cor, for that I think you have to be unexpectedly killed by a truck or something. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Eric''': Mr. Feeny, if I'm really quiet, will you stay? === Graduation [5.24]=== :'''Cory''': Well, Shawn. I think the time has come... to sign each others' yearbooks! Shall we talk about it first? :'''Shawn''': No, no, let's just do it. :''[They exchange yearbooks.]'' :'''Cory''': Boy oh boy. Where to begin, huh? ''[cuffing Shawn affectionately]'' What am I gonna say to you? I mean this is gonna take me at least a week. :'''Shawn''': ''[handing back the book]'' I'm done. :'''Cory''': You're done? ''[opens to the page]'' "Hey"? You write "Hey"?! :'''Shawn''': And I mean it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Topanga''': ''[referring to an assignment]'' I'm doing it and I'm getting an A. :'''Feeny''': It's for no credit, Miss Lawrence. :'''Topanga''': I have six hundred and ninety-nine A's. ''[stands imposingly]'' I need one more. ''[grabs his collar]'' Give me the A, Feeny! :'''Feeny''': ''[scared]'' Okay, fine, you get an A. ''[Topanga lets go]'' You don't even have to do it, I'll just give you an A because I'm scared of you. Now that makes an even 700. :'''Topanga''': 700. That's more than ''anybody,'' right? :'''Feeny''': Oh, more than anybody. ''[to Cory as he walks by him]'' Good luck in Hell, Mr. Matthews. [[Category:Boy Meets World seasons]] jzzcbuhroan82lnbzgyx4zwwbojv7pz 0 193628 3949500 3474129 2026-06-06T09:17:04Z ~2026-33585-33 3337226 /* */ 3949500 wikitext text/x-wiki {{Cleanup}} {{NPOV}} [[File:Mohammed and his wife Aisha freeing the daughter of a tribal chief. From the Siyer-i Nebi.jpg|thumb|Muhammad and Aisha freeing the daughter of a tribal chief.]] '''{{w|Aisha|Āishah bint Abī Bakr}}''' (613/614 – 678 CE; Arabic: عائشة‎‎,transcribed as A'ishah, Aisyah, Ayesha, A'isha, Aishat, Aishah, or Aisha) was one of Muhammad's wives. She was WAY too young, and today it would be illegal all over the world. In Islamic writings, her name is thus often prefixed by the title "Mother of the Believers" (Arabic: أمّ المؤمنين umm al-mu'minīn), per the description of Muhammad's wives in the Qur'an. Her other name was Hadisa. Aisha had an important role in early Islamic history, both during Muhammad's life and after his death. In Sunni tradition, Aisha is thought to be scholarly and inquisitive. She contributed to the spread of Muhammad's message and served the Muslim community for 44 years after his death. She is also known for narrating 2210 hadiths, not just on matters related to the Prophet's private life, but also on topics such as inheritance, pilgrimage, and eschatology. Her intellect and knowledge in various subjects, including poetry and medicine, were highly praised by early luminaries such as {{W|al-Zuhri}} and her student {{W|Urwa ibn al-Zubayr}}. == Quotes == * يَغْفُلُونَ عَنْ أَفْضَلِ الْعِبَادَةِ: التَّوَاضُعِ * People are paying no [[attention]] to the best act of [[worship]]: [[Humility]]. ** Collected by Ibn Abee Shaybah (13/360) Ibn Hajr graded this Athar as being Saheeh. ===In the Hadith=== *The Prophet wrote the [marriage contract] with Aisha while she was six years old and consummated his marriage with her while she was nine years old and she remained with him for nine years [i.e. till his death]. ** Bukhari, vol. 7, book 67, no. 5134. *Narrated 'Aisha (the mother of the faithful believers): Al-Harith bin Hisham asked Allah's Messenger "O Allah's Messenger! How is the Divine Inspiration revealed to you?" Allah's Messenger replied, "Sometimes it is (revealed) like the ringing of a bell, this form of Inspiration is the hardest of all and then this state passes off after I have grasped what is inspired. Sometimes the Angel comes in the form of a man and talks to me and I grasp whatever he says." 'Aisha added: Verily I saw the Prophet (ﷺ) being inspired divinely on a very cold day and noticed the sweat dropping from his forehead (as the Inspiration was over). ** Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 1, Book 1, Hadith 2 * Narrated `Aisha: Allah's Messenger said, "If anyone of you feels drowsy while praying he should go to bed (sleep) till his slumber is over because in praying while drowsy one does not know whether one is asking for forgiveness or for a bad thing for oneself." ** Sahih Bukhari, Volume 1, Book 4, Hadith 211 * Narrated Aisha: The Prophet said, All drinks that produce intoxication are Haram. ** Sahih Bukhari Volume 1, Book 4, Hadith 243 *Narrated Aisha: The Prophet and I used to take a bath from a single pot while we were Junub. During the menses, he used to order me to put on an Izar (dress worn below the waist) and used to fondle me. While in I`tikaf, he used to bring his head near me and I would wash it while I used to be in my periods (menses). ** Sahih Bukhari Volume 1, Book 6, Hadith 298 *Narrated `Aisha (the wife of the Prophet): We set out with Allah's Messenger on one of his journeys till we reached Al- Baida' or Dhatul-Jaish, a necklace of mine was broken (and lost). Allah's Messenger stayed there to search for it, and so did the people along with him. There was no water at that place, so the people went to Abu- Bakr As-Siddiq and said, "Don't you see what `Aisha has done? She has made Allah's Apostle and the people stay where there is no water and they have no water with them." Abu Bakr came while Allah's Messenger was sleeping with his head on my thigh, He said, to me: "You have detained Allah's Messenger and the people where there is no water and they have no water with them. So he admonished me and said what Allah wished him to say and hit me on my flank with his hand. Nothing prevented me from moving (because of pain) but the position of Allah's Messenger on my thigh. Allah's Messenger got up when dawn broke and there was no water. So Allah revealed the Divine Verses of Tayammum. So they all performed Tayammum. Usaid bin Hudair said, "O the family of Abu Bakr! This is not the first blessing of yours." Then the camel on which I was riding was caused to move from its place and the necklace was found beneath it. **Sahih Bukhari, Volume 1, Book 7, Hadith 330 * Narrated Aisha: Whenever Allah’s Messenger saw the rain, he used to say, O Allah! Let it be a strong fruitful rain. **Sahih Bukhari, Volume 2, Book 17, Number 142 *Narrated Aisha: Whenever Allah's Apostle wanted to go on a journey, he would draw lots as to which of his wives would accompany him. He would take her whose name came out. He used to fix for each of them a day and a night. But Sauda bint Zam'a gave up her (turn) day and night to 'Aisha, the wife of the Prophet in order to seek the pleasure of Allah's Apostle (by that action). **Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 47, Hadith 766 *Narrated Aisha:. . . That night I kept on weeping and could not sleep till morning. In the morning Allah's Apostle called Ali bin Abu Talib and Usama bin Zaid when he saw the Divine Inspiration delayed, to consul them about divorcing his wife (i.e. 'Aisha). Usama bin Zaid said what he knew of the good reputation of his wives and added, 'O Allah's Apostle! Keep you wife, for, by Allah, we know nothing about her but good.' 'Ali bin Abu Talib said, 'O Allah's Apostle! Allah has no imposed restrictions on you, and there are many women other than she, yet you may ask the woman-servant who will tell you the truth.' On that Allah's Apostle called Buraira and said, 'O Burair. Did you ever see anything which roused your suspicions about her?' Buraira said, 'No, by Allah Who has sent you with the Truth, I have never seen in her anything faulty except that she is a girl of immature age, who sometimes sleeps and leaves the dough for the goats to eat.' . . . *I was a young girl and did not have much knowledge of the Quran. I said. 'I know, by Allah, that you have listened to what people are saying and that has been planted in your minds and you have taken it as a truth. Now, if I told you that I am innocent and Allah knows that I am innocent, you would not believe me and if I confessed to you falsely that I am guilty, and Allah knows that I am innocent you would believe me. **Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 48, Hadith 829 *Narrated Aisha: The Prophet engaged me when I was a girl of six (years). We went to Medina and stayed at the home of Bani-al-Harith bin Khazraj. Then I got ill and my hair fell down. Later on my hair grew (again) and my mother, Um Ruman, came to me while I was playing in a swing with some of my girl friends. She called me, and I went to her, not knowing what she wanted to do to me. She caught me by the hand and made me stand at the door of the house. I was breathless then, and when my breathing became Allright, she took some water and rubbed my face and head with it. Then she took me into the house. There in the house I saw some Ansari women who said, "Best wishes and Allah's Blessing and a good luck." Then she entrusted me to them and they prepared me (for the marriage). Unexpectedly Allah's Apostle came to me in the forenoon and my mother handed me over to him, and at that time I was a girl of nine years of age. **Sahih Bukhari Volume 5, Book 58, Hadith 234 *Narrated 'Aisha: That the Prophet said to her, "You have been shown to me twice in my dream. I saw you pictured on a piece of silk and some-one said (to me). 'This is your wife.' When I uncovered the picture, I saw that it was yours. I said, 'If this is from Allah, it will be done." **Sahih Bukhari Volume 5, Book 58, Hadith 235, See Also Sahih Bukhari 9:87:140 *Narrated 'Aisha (the wife of the Prophet): I never remembered my parents believing in any religion other than the true religion (i.e. Islam), and (I don't remember) a single day passing without our being visited by Allah’s Apostle in the morning and in the evening." **Sahih Bukhari Volume 5, Book 58, Hadith 245 *Narrated Aisha: A necklace of mine was lost at Al-Baida' and we were on our way to Medina. The Prophet made his camel kneel down and dismounted and laid his head on my lap and slept. Abu Bakr came to me and hit me violently on the chest and said, "You have detained the people because of a necklace." I kept as motionless as a dead person because of the position of Allah's Apostle ; (on my lap) although Abu Bakr had hurt me (with the slap). Then the Prophet woke up and it was the time for the morning (prayer). Water was sought, but in vain; so the following Verse was revealed:-- "O you who believe! When you intend to offer prayer.." (5.6) Usaid bin Hudair said, "Allah has blessed the people for your sake, O the family of Abu Bakr. You are but a blessing for them." **Sahih Bukhari Volume 6, Book 60, Hadith 132 *Narrated Aisha: ...That night I kept on weeping the whole night till the morning. My tears never stopped, nor did I sleep, and morning broke while I was still weeping, Allah's Apostle called 'Ali bin Abi Talib and Usama bin Zaid when the Divine Inspiration delayed, in order to consult them as to the idea of divorcing his wife. Usama bin Zaid told Allah's Apostle of what he knew about the innocence of his wife and of his affection he kept for her. He said, "O Allah's Apostle! She is your wife, and we do not know anything about her except good." But 'Ali bin Abi Talib said, "O Allah's Apostle! Allah does not impose restrictions on you; and there are plenty of women other than her. If you however, ask (her) slave girl, she will tell you the truth." 'Aisha added: So Allah's Apostle called for Barira and said, "O Barira! Did you ever see anything which might have aroused your suspicion? (as regards Aisha). Barira said, "By Allah Who has sent you with the truth, I have never seen anything regarding Aisha which I would blame her for except that she is a girl of immature age who sometimes sleeps and leaves the dough of her family unprotected so that the domestic goats come and eat it.".. . She said, "I do not know what to say to Allah's Apostle." Still a young girl as I was and though I had little knowledge of Quran, I said, "By Allah, I know that you heard this story (of the Ifk) so much so that it has been planted in your minds and you have believed it. So now, if I tell you that I am innocent, and Allah knows that I am innocent, you will not believe me; and if I confess something, and Allah knows that I am innocent of it, you will believe me. By Allah, I cannot find of you an example except that of Joseph's father: " **Sahih Bukhari Volume 6, Book 60, Hadith 274 *Narrated 'Aisha: that the Prophet married her when she was six years old and he consummated his marriage when she was nine years old, and then she remained with him for nine years (i.e., till his death). **Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Hadith 64 *Narrated Aisha: When the Prophet married me, my mother came to me and made me enter the house (of the Prophet) and nothing surprised me but the coming of Allah's Apostle to me in the forenoon. **Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Hadith 90 *Narrated 'Aisha: The Prophet was screening me with his Rida' (garment covering the upper part of the body) while I was looking at the Ethiopians who were playing in the courtyard of the mosque. (I continued watching) till I was satisfied. So you may deduce from this event how a little girl (who has not reached the age of puberty) who is eager to enjoy amusement should be treated in this respect. **Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Hadith 163 * Narrated Aisha: I bought a cushion having pictures on it. When Allah’s Apostle saw it, he stopped at the gate and did not enter. I noticed the signs of hatred (for that) on his face! I said, "O Allah’s Apostle! I turn to Allah and His Apostle in repentance! What sin have I committed?" He said, "What about this cushion?" I said, ‘I bought it for you to sit on and recline on." Allah’s Apostle said, "The makers of these pictures will be punished (severely) on the Day of Resurrection and it will be said to them, ‘Make alive what you have created.’" He added, "Angels do not enter a house in which there are pictures." ** Sahih al-Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 72, Number 844 * حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدٌ، أَخْبَرَنَا أَبُو مُعَاوِيَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا هِشَامٌ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ ـ<br>رضى الله عنها ـ قَالَتْ كُنْتُ أَلْعَبُ بِالْبَنَاتِ عِنْدَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه<br>وسلم وَكَانَ لِي صَوَاحِبُ يَلْعَبْنَ مَعِي، فَكَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه<br>وسلم إِذَا دَخَلَ يَتَقَمَّعْنَ مِنْهُ، فَيُسَرِّبُهُنَّ إِلَىَّ فَيَلْعَبْنَ مَعِي‏.‏ ** Narrated 'Aisha:<br>I used to play with the dolls in the presence of the Prophet, and my girl friends also used to play with me. When Allah's Apostle used to enter (my dwelling place) they used to hide themselves, but the Prophet would call them to join and play with me. *** ''[[Sahih Bukhari]]'', Volume 8, [https://diploma.iou.edu.gm/opencampus/local/library/SaheehBukhari/073_sb.htm Book 73], Number 151. Compiled by {{w|Muhammad al-Bukhari}}. Translated into English by {{w|Muhammad Muhsin Khan}}, ''{{w|International Open University}}'' *** Commentary not present in the original Arabic text: (The playing with the dolls and similar images is forbidden, but it was allowed for 'Aisha at that time, as she was a little girl, not yet [[w:Aisha#Age at marriage|reached the age of puberty]].) ({{w|Fateh-al-Bari}} page 143, Vol.13) * Narrated Aisha: The Prophet entered upon me while there was a curtain having pictures (of animals) in the house. His face got red with anger, and then he got hold of the curtain and tore it into pieces. The Prophet said, "Such people as paint these pictures will receive the severest punishment on the Day of Resurrection." ** Sahih al-Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 130 * Allah's Apostle said, "O Aisha! This is Gabriel sending his greetings to you." I said, "Peace, and Allah's Mercy be on him." 'Aisha added: The Prophet used to see things which we used not to see. ** Narrated 'Aisha, in Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 220 * Narrated 'Aisha: I asked the Prophet, "O Allah's Messenger! Should the women be asked for their consent to their marriage?" He said, "Yes." I said, "A virgin, if asked, feels shy and keeps quiet." He said, "Her silence means her consent." ** ''[[Sahih al-Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]]'', [https://sunnah.com/bukhari/89/7 9:85:79] *Allah's Messenger said (to me), "You were shown to me twice in (my) dream. Behold, a man was carrying you in a silken piece of cloth and said to me, "She is your wife, so uncover her,' and behold, it was you. I would then say (to myself), 'If this is from Allah, then it must happen." **Narrated `Aisha, in Sahih Bukhari, Volume 9, Book 87, Number 139 *Aisha said, "The Apostle of Allah married me when I was seven years old." (The narrator Sulaiman said: "Or six years."). "He had intercourse with me when I was 9 years old. **Sunan Abu Dawud 2116 (Ahmad Hasan Ref) *A’ishah said : I used to play with dolls. Sometimes the Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) entered upon me when the girls were with me. When he came in, they went out, and when he went out, they came in." **Sunan Abu Dawud 4913 (Ahmad Hasan Ref) *Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: "The Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) married me when I was seven or six. When we came to Medina, some women came. according to Bishr's version: Umm Ruman came to me when I was swinging. They took me, made me prepared and decorated me. I was then brought to the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him), and he took up cohabitation with me when I was nine. She halted me at the door, and I burst into laughter." **Sunan Abu Dawud 41:4915 * ‘With good fortune.’ She (Umm Ruman) entrusted me to them. They washed my head and redressed me. No one came to me suddenly except the Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) in the forenoon. So they entrusted me to him. **Sunan Abu Dawud 41:4916 *Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: When we came to Medina, the women came to me when I was playing on the swing, and my hair was up to my ears. They brought me, prepared me, and decorated me. Then they brought me to the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) and he took up cohabitation with me, when I was nine. **Sunan Abu Dawud 41:4917 *The tradition mentioned above has also been transmitted by Hisham b. ‘Urwah through a different chain of narrators. This version adds: I was swinging and I had my friends. They brought me to a house ; there were some women of the Ansar (Helpers). They said : With good luck and blessing. **Sunan Abu Dawud 4918 (Ahmad Hasan Ref) *‘A’ishah said : We came to Medina and stayed with Banu al-Harith b. al-Khazraj. She said : I swear by Allah, I was swinging between two date-palms. Then my mother came, and made me come down; and I had my hair up to the ears. The transmitter then mentioned the rest of the tradition." **Sunan Abu Dawud 4919 (Ahmad Hasan Ref) * Whoever innovates something in this matter of ours that is not part of it, will have it rejected. ** Hadith 5 Sunan Ibn Majah * The Messenger of Allah said: ‘Ten things are connected to the Fitrah: trimming the moustache, letting the beard grow, using the tooth stick, rinsing out the nostrils with water, clipping the nails, washing the joints, plucking the armpit hairs, shaving the pubic hairs, washing the private parts with water. (One of the narrators) Zakariyya said: Musab said: I have forgotten the tenth thing, but it may have been rinsing out the mouth. ** Hadith 293 Sunan Ibn Majah * The Messenger of Allah commanded that places of prayer be established in villages, and that they be purified and perfumed. ** Hadith 759 Sunan Ibn Majah * The Messenger of Allah said: If the people knew what there is in the Isha prayer and Fajr prayer, they would come even if they had to crawl. ** Hadith 796 Sunan Ibn Mājah *‘A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) is reported to have said: Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) contracted marriage with me while I was (yet) a six years [sic] old girl. Then we arrived at Medina and stayed with Banu Harith b. Khazraj. I fell victim to fever; then my hair (of the head fell off (and became scattered). Then they became plenty and hanged down upto [sic] the earlobes. My mother ‘Umm Ruman came to me while I was (playing) in a swing alongwith [sic] my play-mates. She (the mother) called me loudly. I went to her and I did not know what he [sic] wanted. She seized my hand and stopped me at the door of the house and I was hearing [sic] violently until the agitation of my heart was over. Then she took some water and wiped it over my face and head. Then she admitted me to the house when some woman [sic] of Ansar were present in the house. They said, "You have entered with blessings and good fortune." Then she (the mother) entrusted me to them. So they embellished me and nothing frightened me but Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) (when he came there) in the morning and they (the women) entrusted me to him. On that day, I was a nine years old girl." **Ibn-i-Majah vol.3:1876 *It was narrated that 'Aishah said: "I used to play with dolls when I was with the Messenger of Allah, and he used to bring my friends to me to play with me." (Sahih) **Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1982 *Asma (daughter of Shakal) asked the Messenger of Allah about washing after menstruation. He said: Everyone amongst you should use water (mixed with the leaves of) the lote-tree and cleanse herself well, and then pour water on her head and rub it vigorously till it reaches the roots of the hair. Then she should pour water on it. Afterwards she should take a piece of cotton smeared with musk and cleanse herself with it. Asma' said: How should she cleanse herself with the help of that? Upon this he (the Messenger of Allah) observed: Praise be to Allah, she should cleanse herself. 'A'isha said in a subdued tone that she should apply it to the trace of blood. She (Asma) then further asked about bathing after sexual intercourse. He (the Holy Prophet) said: She should take water and cleanse herself well or complete the ablution and then (pour water) on her head and rub it till it reaches the roots of the hair (of her) head and then pour water on her. 'A'isha said: How good are the women of Ansar (helpers) that their shyness does not prevent them from learning religion. **Sahih Muslim, Book 3, Hadith 649 *.. He (Muhammad b. Qais) then reported that it was 'A'isha who had narrated this: Should I not narrate to you about myself and about the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him)? We said: Yes. She said: When it was my turn for Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) to spend the night with me, he turned his side, put on his mantle and took off his shoes and placed them near his feet, and spread the corner of his shawl on his bed and then lay down till he thought that I had gone to sleep. He took hold of his mantle slowly and put on the shoes slowly, and opened the door and went out and then closed it lightly. I covered my head, put on my veil and tightened my waist wrapper, and then went out following his steps till he reached Baqi'. He stood there and he stood for a long time. He then lifted his hands three times, and then returned and I also returned. He hastened his steps and I also hastened my steps. He ran and I too ran. He came (to the house) and I also came (to the house). I, however, preceded him and I entered (the house), and as I lay down in the bed, he (the Holy Prophet) entered the (house), and said: Why is it, O 'A'isha, that you are out of breath? I said: There is nothing. He said: Tell me or the Subtle and the Aware would inform me. I said: Messenger of Allah, may my father and mother be ransom for you, and then I told him (the whole story). He said: Was it the darkness (of your shadow) that I saw in front of me? I said: Yes. He struck me on the chest which caused me pain, and then said: Did you think that Allah and His Apostle would deal unjustly with you?..." **Sahih Muslim 4:2127 *'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) reported: Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) married me when I was six years old, and I was admitted to his house at the age of nine. She further said: We went to Medina and I had an attack of fever for a month, and my hair had come down to the earlobes. Umm Ruman (my mother) came to me and I was at that time on a swing along with my playmates. She called me loudly and I went to her and I did not know what she had wanted of me. She took hold of my hand and took me to the door, and I was saying: Ha, ha (as if I was gasping), until the agitation of my heart was over. She took me to a house, where had gathered the women of the Ansar. They all blessed me and wished me good luck and said: May you have share in good. She (my mother) entrusted me to them. They washed my head and embellished me and nothing frightened me. Allah's Messenger (, may peace be upon him) came there in the morning, and I was entrusted to him. **Sahih Muslim 8:3309 *'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) reported: Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) married me when I was six years old, and I was admitted to his house when I was nine years old. **Sahih Muslim 8:3310 *'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) reported that Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) married her when she was seven years old, and he was taken to his house as a bride when she was nine, and her dolls were with her; and when he (the Holy Prophet) died she was eighteen years old. **Sahih Muslim 8:3311 *'A'isha reported that she used to play with dolls in the presence of Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) and when her playmates came to her they left (the house) because they felt shy of Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him), whereas Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) sent them to her. **Sahih Muslim 31:5981 *I used to enter the building in which the Messenger of Allah and my father were buried while I was dressed lightly, saying: ‘These are just my husband and father.’ However, when Umar was buried, by Allah, I never entered this building except that my clothing was wrapped tightly around my body, out of shyness from Umar. **al-Hakim 'Mustadrak (4/7), and he declared it authentic * The actions which the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, loved most were those which were done most constantly. ** Muwatta hadith 92 * The Prophet said: Prayer in congregation is twenty-five levels better than a prayer offered on one’s own. ** Nasai hadith 840 *Narrated 'Urwah: It was narrated from 'Urwah, that 'Aishah said: "The Messenger of Allah married me in Shawwal and my marriage was consummated in Shawwal." --'Aishah liked for her women's marriages to be consummated in Shawwal --"and which of his wives was more beloved to him than me?" (Sahih) **Sunan an-Nasa'i 4:26:3238 *It was narrated that 'Aishah said: "The Messenger of Allah married me when I was seven years old, and he consummated the marriage with me when I was nine." (Sahih) **Sunan an-Nasa'i 4:26:3258 *It was narrated that Abu 'Ubaidah said: "Aishah said: 'The Messenger of Allah married me when I was nine and I lived with him for nine years.'" (Sahih) **Sunan an-Nasa'i 4:26:3259 *It was narrated from 'Aishah that the Messenger of Allah married her when she was nine and he died when she was eighteen years old. (Sahih) **Sunan an-Nasa'i 4:26:3260 *It was narrated that 'Aishah said: "The Prophet married me in Shawwal, and he consummated the marriage with me in Shawwal, and which of his wives find more favor with him than me?" (Sahih) **Sunan an-Nasa'i 4:26:3379 == About {{PAGENAME}} == *"If the Prophet Muhammad went to bed with a nine-year-old, then according to Dutch law he is a pedophile." **Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Ayaan Hirsi Ali - Infidel - Free Press, 2007, ISBN 9780743289689 *The popular misconception as to Aishah’s age may be removed here. That she had not attained majority is clear enough, but that she was not so young as six years of age is also true. In the first place, it is clear that she had reached an age when betrothal could take place in the ordinary course and must therefore have been approaching the age of majority. Again, the Isabah, speaking of the Prophet’s daughter Fatimah, says that she was about five years older than ‘Aishah. It is a well-established fact that Fatimah was born when the Ka’bah was being rebuilt, i.e., five years before the Call or a little before it, and so ‘Aishah was certainly not below ten years at the time of her marriage with the Holy Prophet (pbuh) in the tenth year of the Call. This conclusion is borne out by the testimony of ‘Aishah herself who is reported to have related that when the chapter entitled ‘The Moon’ (the 54th chapter) was revealed she was a girl playing about and that she remembered certain verses then revealed. Now the fifty-fourth chapter could not have been revealed later than the fifth year of the Call, and therefore the report which states her to have been six years old in the tenth year of the Call when her marriage ceremony was gone through cannot be correct, because this would show her to have born about the time of the revelation of the 54th chapter. All these considerations show her to have been not less than ten years old at the time of her marriage. And as the period between her marriage and its consummation was not less than five years, because the consummation took place in the second year of the Fight, it follows that she could not have been less than fifteen at that time. The popular account that she was six years at marriage and nine years at the time of consummation is decidedly not correct, because it supposes the period between the marriage and its consummation to be only three years, while this is historically wrong. **{{w|Muhammad Ali (writer)|Muhammad Ali}}. [https://books.google.com/books?id=od6dAQKgK-YC&pg=PT150&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q&f=false ''Muhammad the Prophet'']. Ahamadiyya Anjuman Ishaat Islam. p. 150, ISBN 9781934271155 *There was no impropriety in Muhammad’s betrothal to Aisha. Marriages conducted in absentia to seal an alliance were often contracted at this time between adults and minors who were even younger than Aisha. This practice continued in Europe well into the early modern period. There was no question of consummating the marriage until Aisha reached puberty, when she would be married off like any other girl. **[[Karen Armstrong]], ''Muhammad: Prophet for Our Time'', HarperPress, 2006, p. 167 * The so-called Muslim women’s movement is predicated on the idea that Muslim men, not Islam, have been responsible for the suppression of women’s rights. For this reason, Muslim feminists throughout the world are advocating a return to the society Muhammad originally envisioned for his followers. Despite differences in culture, nationalities, and beliefs, these women believe that the lesson to be learned from Muhammad in Medina is that Islam is above all an egalitarian religion. Their Medina is a society in which Muhammad designated women like Umm Waraqa as spiritual guides for the Ummah; in which the Prophet himself was sometimes publicly rebuked by his wives; in which women prayed and fought alongside the men; in which women like Aisha and Umm Salamah acted not only as religious but also as political—and on at least one occasion military—leaders; and in which the call to gather for prayer, bellowed from the rooftop of Muhammad’s house, brought men and women together to kneel side by side and be blessed as a single undivided community. ** {{w|Reza Aslan}} as quoted in Joseph, Suad, ed. (2007). Encyclopedia of Women and Islamic Cultures: Volume 5 Practices, Interpretations and Representations. Brill Online. p. 227 *On the other hand, however, Muslims who calculate 'Ayesha's age based on details of her sister Asma's age, about whom more is known, as well as on details of the Hijra (the Prophet's migration from Mecca to Madina), maintain that she was over thirteen and perhaps between seventeen and nineteen when she got married. Such views cohere with those Ahadith that claim that at her marriage Ayesha had "good knowledge of Ancient Arabic poetry and genealogy" and "pronounced the fundamental rules of Arabic Islamic ethics." **{{w|Asma Barlas}} (2012). [https://books.google.com/books?id=nGKMCgAAQBAJ&v ''"Believing Women" in Islam: Unreading Patriarchal Interpretations of the Qur'an'']. University of Texas Press. p. 126, ISBN 9780292709041 *A'ishah was the third and youngest wife of the Prophet Muhammad. Born in Mecca, she was the daughter of Abu Bakr, one of the Prophet's most important supporters. Muhammad married her in 624 after the battle of Badr. A'ishah's intelligence, courage, and personal charm established her as his favorite spouse, and she sometimes accompanied her husband on his travels. **[[John Esposito]] (2004). ''The Islamic World: Past and Present'', Volume 1, p. 17. *In my opinion, the age of Ayesha (ra) has been grossly mis-reported in the ahadith. Not only that, I think that the narratives reporting this event are not only highly unreliable, but also that on the basis of other historical data, the event reported, is quite an unlikely happening. Let us look at the issue from an objective stand point. My reservations in accepting the narratives, on the basis of which, Ayesha's (ra) age at the time of her marriage with the Prophet (pbuh) is held to be nine years are: Most of these narratives are reported only by Hisham ibn `Urwah, reporting on the authority of his father. An event as well known as the one being reported, should logically have been reported by more people than just one, two or three. **{{w|Gibril Haddad}}. [https://www.webcitation.org/67gTj2QC2?url=http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=7&ID=4604&CATE=1 "Our Mother A'isha's Age at the Time Of Her Marriage to The Prophet"]. SunniPath. *"An Arabian author cited by Maracci, says that Abubeker was very averse to the giving him his daughter [Ayesha, who was then but seven years old] so young, but that Mohammed pretended a divine command for it; whereupon he sent her to him with a basket of dates, and when the girl was alone with him, he stretched out his blessed hand (these are the author’s words), and rudely took hold of her clothes; upon which she looked fiercely at him, and said, “People call you the faithful man, but your behaviour to me shows you are a perfidious one.” And with these words she got out of his hands, and, composing her clothes, went and complained to her father. The old gentleman, to calm her resentment, told her she was new betrothed to Mohammed, and that made him take liberties with her, as if she had been his wife." ** Simon Ockley. The History of the Saracens (Life of Mohammed, Part I). 6th Edition. London: Henry G. Bohn. 1857 * Her special knowledge of significant acts of prayer, ablution, and cleanliness performed by the Prophet Muhammad made her an especially valued source of ritually significant information for the Sunni Muslim community, who in all matters looked to the Prophet’s human example in the performance of their daily life. ** {{cite book|author=[[w:Denise Spellberg|Denise A. Spellberg]]|title=Politics, Gender, and the Islamic Past: The Legacy of 'A'isha Bint Abi Bakr|year=1994|publisher=New York: Columbia University Press|page=37}} *"child marriages continue to be practiced, and the fact that the Prophet himself married Aisha when she was only nine and he was fifty-three encourages Muslim society to continue with this iniquitous custom." ** Ibn Warraq - Why I Am Not a Muslim (p. 320) - Prometheus Books, 1995, ISBN 9780879759841 * I want to ask those with affection for the Prophet that at the age of 53, he married a 6 year old girl Aisha and then at the age of 56, he consummated that relationship with 9 year old Aisha ... does such relationship not come under the category of rape? **Naveen Kumar Jindal. [http://web.archive.org/web/20220601105259/https://twitter.com/naveenjindalbjp/status/1531951723815632897] *Should I start mocking claims of flying horses or the flat-earth theory as mentioned in your Quran? You are marrying a six year-old girl and having sex with her when she turned nine. Who did it? Prophet Muhammad. Should I start saying all these things that are mentioned in your scriptures? **Nupur Sharma [https://dailysceptic.org/2022/06/09/the-bbcs-shameful-capitulation-to-islamists-in-refusing-to-report-impartially-on-the-latest-blasphemy-furore/ 2022] ===In the Hadith and other Islamic texts=== *Narrated Urwa bin Al-Musayyab, Alqama bin Waqqas and Ubaidullah bin Abdullah: About the story of 'Aisha and their narrations were similar attesting each other, when the liars said what they invented about 'Aisha, and the Divine Inspiration was delayed, Allah's Apostle sent for 'Ali and Usama to consult them in divorcing his wife (i.e. 'Aisha). Usama said, "Keep your wife, as we know nothing about her except good." Buraira said, "I cannot accuse her of any defect except that she is still a young girl who sleeps, neglecting her family's dough which the domestic goats come to eat (i.e. she was too simpleminded to deceive her husband)." Allah's Apostle said, "Who can help me to take revenge over the man who has harmed me by defaming the reputation of my family? By Allah, I have not known about my family-anything except good, and they mentioned (i.e. accused) a man about whom I did not know anything except good." **Sahih Bukhari 3:48:805 * Allah's Apostle said, "The superiority of 'Aisha over other women is like the superiority of Tharid to other meals." ** Narrated Anas bin Malik, in Sahih Bukhari, Volume 5, Book 57, Number 114 *Narrated 'Ursa: The Prophet asked Abu Bakr for 'Aisha's hand in marriage. Abu Bakr said "But I am your brother." The Prophet said, "You are my brother in Allah's religion and His Book, but she (Aisha) is lawful for me to marry." **Sahih Bukhari 7:62:18 *He married ‘A’isha in Mecca when she was a child of seven and lived with her in Medina when she was nine or ten. She was the only virgin that he married. Her father, Abu Bakr, married her to him and the apostle gave her four hundred dirhams. *Yahya b. Abbad b. Abdullah b. al-Zubayr from his father told me that he heard Aisha say: "The apostle died in my bosom during my turn: I had wronged none in regard to him. It was due to my ignorance and extreme youth that the apostle died in my arms. ** Ibn Ishaq, Sirat Rasulullah (The Life of Muhammad), translated by Alfred Guillaume [Oxford University Press, Karachi, tenth impression 1995] *Yunus b. Bukayr stated, from Hisham b. ‘Urwa, from his father who said, "The Messenger of God (SAAS) married ‘A’isha three years after (the death of) Khadija. At that time (of the contract) ‘A’isha had been a girl of six. When he married her she was nine. The Messenger of God (SAAS) died when ‘A’isha was a girl of eighteen. " *Al-Bukhari had related, from ‘Ubayd b. Isma‘il, from Abu Usama, from Hisham b. ‘Urwa, from his father, who said, "Khadija died three years before the emigration of the Prophet (SAAS). He allowed a couple of years or so to pass after that, and then he contracted marriage with ‘A’isha when she was six, thereafter consummating marriage with her when she was nine years old." *"Al-Hajjaj related to us, that Hammad related to him, from Hisham b. ‘Urwa, from his father, from ‘A’isha, who said, ‘The Messenger of God (SAAS), contracted marriage with me (after) Khadija’s death and before his emigration from Mecca, when I was six years old. After we arrived in Medina some women came to me while I was playing on a swing; my hair was like that of a boy. They dressed me up and put make-up on me, then took me to the Messenger of God (SAAS), and he consummated our marriage. I was a girl of nine.’" ** Ibn Kathir, The Life of the Prophet Muhammad (Al-Sira al-Nabawiyya), Volume II, translated by professor Trevor Le Gassick, reviewed by Dr. Muneer Fareed [Garnet Publishing Limited, 8 Southern Court, south Street Reading RG1 4QS, UK; The Center for Muslim Contribution to Civilization, first paper edition, 2000], pp. 93-94 *Abu Dawud At-Tayalisi recorded that Ibn `Abbas said, "Sawdah feared that the Messenger of Allah might divorce her and she said, `O Messenger of Allah! Do not divorce me; give my day to `A'ishah.' And he did, and later on Allah sent down,And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no sin on them both." Ibn `Abbas said, "Whatever (legal agreement) the spouses mutually agree to is allowed." At-Tirmidhi recorded it and said, "Hasan Gharib." In the Two Sahihs, it is recorded that `A'ishah said that when Sawdah bint Zam`ah became old, she forfeited her day to `A'ishah, and the Prophet used to spend Sawdah's night with `A'ishah. There is a similar narration also collected by Al-Bukhari. Al-Bukhari also recorded that `A'ishah commented: And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, that it refers to, "A man who is married to an old woman, and he does not desire her and wants to divorce her. So she says, `I forfeit my right on you.' So this Ayah was revealed." **The Ruling Concerning Desertion on the Part of the Husband Tafsir Ibn Kathir [http://www.tafsir.com/default.asp?sid=4&tid=12406] *During the same year that followed Khadijah’s death, the Prophet dreamed that he saw a man who was carrying someone wrapped in a piece of silk. The man said to him: "This is thy wife, so uncover her." The Prophet lifted the silk and there was ‘A’ishah. But ‘A’ishah was only six years old, and he had passed his fiftieth year. Moreover Abu Bakr had promised her to Mut‘im for his son Jubayr. The Prophet simply said to himself: "If this be from God, He will bring it to pass."... **Martin Lings, Muhammad: His Life Based on the Earliest Sources [Inner Traditions, International, Ltd.; Rochester Vermont, 1983], pp. 105-106 *'Urwah narrated from 'Aishah: that when Saudah bint Zam'ah grew old, she gave her day to 'Aishah, and the Messenger of Allah went to 'Aishah on Saudah's day. (Sahih) **Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1972 *Aisha said she was nine years old when the act of consummation took place and she had her dolls with her. **Mishkat al-Masabih, Vol. 2, p 77 *Jabir b. 'Abdullah (Allah be pleased with them) reported: Abu Bakr (Allah be pleased with him) came and sought permission to see Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him). He found people sitting at his door and none amongst them had been granted permission, but it was granted to Abu Bakr and he went in. Then came 'Umar and he sought permission and it was granted to him, and he found Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) sitting sad and silent with his wives around him. He (Hadrat 'Umar) said: I would say something which would make the Holy Prophet (may peace be upon him) laugh, so he said: Messenger of Allah, I wish you had seen (the treatment meted out to) the daughter ofKhadija when you asked me some money, and I got up and slapped her on her neck. Allah's Messenger (mav peace be upon him) laughed and said: They are around me as you see, asking for extra money. Abu Bakr (Allah be pleased with him) then got up went to 'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) and slapped her on the neck, and 'Umar stood up before Hafsa and slapped her saying: You ask Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) which he does not possess. They said: By Allah, we do not ask Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) for anything he does not possess. Then he withdrew from them for a month or for twenty-nine days. Then this verse was revealed to him:" Prophet: Say to thy wives... for a mighty reward" (xxxiii. 28). He then went first to 'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) and said: I want to propound something to you, 'A'isha, but wish no hasty reply before you consult your parents. She said: Messenger of Allah, what is that? He (the Holy Prophet) recited to her the verse, whereupon she said: Is it about you that I should consult my parents, Messenger of Allah? Nay, I choose Allah, His Messenger, and the Last Abode; but I ask you not to tell any of your wives what I have said He replied: Not one of them will ask me without my informing her. God did not send me to be harsh, or cause harm, but He has sent me to teach and make things easy. **Sahih Muslim 9:3506 *Sa'id b. Musayyib, 'Urwa b. Zubair, 'Alqama b. Waqqas and 'Ubaidullah b. Abdullah b. 'Utba b. Mas'ud--all of them reported the story of the false allegation against 'A'isha, the wife of Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him).. . . So, Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) called Bailra and said: Barira, did you see anything in 'A'isha which can cause doubt about her? Barira said: By Him Who sent thee with the truth, I have seen nothing objectionable in her but only this much that she is a young girl and she goes to sleep while kneading the flour and the lamb eats that. . . .When Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) talked, my tears dried up and not even a single drop of tear was perceived by me (rolling out of my eyes). I said to my father: You give a reply to Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) on my behalf. He said: By Allah, I do not know what I should say to Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him). I then said to my mother: Give a reply to Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) on my behalf, but she said: By Allah, I do not know what I should say to Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him). I was a small girl at that time and I had not read much of the Qur'an (but I said): By Allah, I perceive that you have heard about this and it has settled down in your mind and you have taken it to be true, so if I say to you that I am quite innocent, and Allah knows that I am innocent, you would never believe me to be true, and if I confess to (the alleged) lapse before you, whereas Allah knows that I am completely innocent (and I have not committed this sin at all), in that case You will take me to be true and, by Allah, I, therefore, find no other alternative for me and for you except that what the father of Yousuf said:, (My course is) comely patience. **Sahih Muslim 37:6673 *'Aishah bint Abu Bakr: He married her in the eleventh year of Prophethood, a year after his marriage to Sawdah, and two years and five months before Al-Hijra. She was six years old when he married her. However, he did not consummate the marriage with her till Shawwal seven months after Al-Hijra, and that was in Madinah. She was nine then. She was the only virgin he married, and the most beloved creature to him. As a woman she was the most learnèd woman in jurisprudence. ** Ar-Raheeq Al-Makhtum (The Sealed Nectar) Biography of the Noble Prophet, [Maktaba Dar-us-Salam Publishers & Distributors, First Edition 1995], "The Prophetic Household", p. 485 *Next, the Prophet… married Um Abdallah, Aishah, as-Siddiqah (the truthful one), daughter of as-Siddiq (the truthful one) Abu Bakr ibn Abi Qu’hafah, whom Allah has exonerated from above the seven heavens. ‘Aishah bint Abu Bakr was the beloved wife of the Prophet… The angel showed Aishah… to the Prophet… while she was wrapped in a piece of silk cloth, before he married her, and said to him. "This is your wife." The Prophet… married Aishah… during the lunar month of Shawwal, when she was six, and consummated the marriage in the first year after the Hijrah, in the month of Shawwal, when she was nine. The Prophet… did not marry any virgin, except Aishah… and the revelation never came to him while he was under the blanket with any of his wives, except Aishah. **Ibn Qayyim Al-Juaziyyah. Ibn Qayyim Al-Juaziyyah, Zad-ul Ma’ad fi Hadyi Khairi-l ‘Ibad (Provisions for the Hereafter, From the Guidance of Allah’s Best Worshipper), translated by Jalal Abualrub, edited by Alaa Mencke & Shaheed M. Ali [Madinah Publishers & Distributors, Orlando, Fl: First edition, December 2000], Volume I, pp. 157-158 *According to Abd al-Hamid b. Bayan al-Sukkari - Muhammad b. Yazid - Ismai'il (that is Ibn Abi Khalid) - Abd al-Rahman b. Abi al- Dahhak - a man from Quraysh - Abd al-Rahman b. Muhammad: "Abd Allah b. Safwan together with another person came to Aishah and Aishah said (to the latter), "O so and so, have you heard what Hafsah has been saying?" He said, "Yes, o Mother of the Faithful." Abd Allah b. Safwan asked her, "What is that?" She replied, "There are nine special features in me that have not been in any woman, except for what God bestowed on Maryam bt. Imran. By God, I do not say this to exalt myself over any of my companions." "What are these?" he asked. She replied, "The angel brought down my likeness; the Messenger of God married me when I was seven; my marriage was consummated when I was nine; he married me when I was a virgin,no other man having shared me with him; inspiration came to him when he and I were in a single blanket; I was one of the dearest people to him, a verse of the Qur’an was revealed concerning me when the community was almost destroyed; I saw Gabriel when none of his other wives saw him; and he was taken (that is, died) in his house when there was nobody with him but the angel and myself." *According to Abu Ja‘far (Al-Tabari): The Messenger of God married her, so it is said, in Shawwal, and consummated his marriage to her in a later year, also in Shawwal. **Al-Tabari, Vol. 7, pp. 6-7 *When the Prophet married Aisha she very young and not yet ready for consummation. **Al-Tabari, Vol. 9, p. 128 *Sa‘id b. Yahya b. Sa‘id al-Umawi- his father- Muhammad b. ‘Amr- Yahya b. ‘Abd al-Rahman b. Hatib- ‘A’isha: When Khadijah died, Khawlah bt. Hakim b. Umayyah b. al-Awqas, wife of ‘Uthman b. Maz‘un, who was in Mecca, said [to the Messenger of God], "O Messenger of God, will you not marry?" He replied, "Whom?" "A maiden," she said, "if you like, or a non-maiden." He replied, "Who is the maiden?" "The daughter of the dearest creature of God to you," she answered, "‘A’ishah bt. Abi Bakr." He asked, "And who is the non-maiden?" "Sawdah bt. Zam‘ah b. Qays," she replied, "she has [long] believed in you and has followed you." [So the Prophet] asked her to go and propose to them on his behalf. *She went to Abu Bakr’s house, where she found Umm Ruman, mother of ‘A’ishah, and said, "O Umm Ruman, what a good thing and a blessing has God brought to you!" She said, "What is that?" Khawlah replied, "The Messenger of God has sent me to ask for ‘A’ishah’s hand in marriage on his behalf." She answered, "I ask that you wait for Abu Bakr, for he should be on his way." When Abu Bakr came, Khawlah repeated what she had said. He replied, "She is [like] his brother’s daughter. Would she be appropriate for him?" When Khawlah returned to the Messenger of God and told him about it he said, "Go back to him and say that he is my brother in Islam and that I am his brother [in Islam], so his daughter is good for me." She came to Abu Bakr and told him what the Messenger of God had said. Then he asked her to wait until he returned. *Umm Ruman said that al-Mut‘im b. ‘Adi had asked ‘A’ishah’s hand for his son, but Abu Bakr had not promised anything. Abu Bakr left and went to Mut‘im while his wife, mother of the son for whom he had asked ‘A’ishah’s hand, was with him. She said, "O son of Abu Quhafah, perhaps we could marry our son to your daughter if you could make him leave his religion and bring him in to the religion which you practice." He turned to her husband al-Mut‘im and said, "What is she saying?" He replied, "She says [what you have heard]." Abu Bakr left, [realizing that] God had [just] removed the problem he had in his mind. He said to Khawlah, "Call the Messenger of God." She called him and he came. Abu Bakr married [‘A’ishah] to him when she was [only] six years old. **Al-Tabari, Vol. 9, pp. 129-130 *‘A’ishah states: We came to Medina and Abu Bakr took up quarters in al-Sunh among the Banu al-Harith b. al-Khazraj. The Messenger of God came to our house and men and women of the Ansar gathered around him. My mother came to me while I was being swung on a swing between two branches and got me down. Jumaymah, my nurse, took over and wiped my face with some water and started leading me. When I was at the door, she stopped so I could catch my breath. I was then brought [in] while the Messenger of God was sitting on a bed in our house. [My mother] made me sit on his lap and said, "These are your relatives. May God bless you with them and bless them with you!" Then the men and women got up and left. The Messenger of God consummated his marriage with me in my house when I was nine years old. Neither a camel nor a sheep was slaughtered on behalf of me. Only Sa‘d b. ‘Ubaidah sent a bowl of food which he used to send to the Messenger of God. *‘Ali b. Nasr- ‘Abd al-Samad b. ‘Abd al-Warith- ‘Abd al-Warith b. ‘Abd al-Samad- his father- Aban al-‘Attar- Hisham b. ‘Urwah- ‘Urwah: He wrote to ‘Abd al-Malik b. Marwan stating that he had written to him about Khadijah bt. Khuwaylid, asking him about when she died. She died three years or close to that before the Messenger of God’s departure from Mecca, and he married ‘A’ishah after Khadijah’s death. The Messenger of God saw ‘A’ishah twice- [first when] it was said to him that she was his wife (she was six years old at that time), and later [when] he consummated she was nine years old. * Then the Messenger of God married ‘A’ishah bt. Abi Bakr, whose name is ‘Atiq b. Abi Quhafah, who is ‘Uthman, and is called ‘Abd al-Rahman b. ‘Uthman b. ‘Amir b. ‘Amir b. Ka‘b b. Sa‘d b. Taym b. Murrah: [The Prophet] married her three years before the Emigration, when she was seven years old, and consummated the marriage when she was nine years old, after he had emigrated to Medina in Shawwal. She was eighteen years old when he died. The Messenger of God did not marry any maiden except her. **Al-Tabari, Vol. 9, pp. 130-131 *‘A’ishah, daughter of Abu Bakr. Her mother was Umm Ruman bt. ‘Umayr b. ‘Amr, of the Banu Duhman b. al-Harith b. Ghanm b. Malik b. Kinanah. The Prophet married ‘A’ishah in Shawwal in the tenth year after the [beginning of his] prophethood, three years before Emigration. He consummated the marriage in Shawwal, eight months after Emigration. On the day he consummated the marriage with her she was nine years old. According to Ibn ‘Umayr [al-Waqidi]- Musa b. Muhammad b. ‘Abd al-Rahman- Raytah- ‘Amrah [bt. ‘Abd al-Rahman b. Sa’d]: ‘A’ishah was asked when the Prophet consummated his marriage with her, and she said: *The Prophet left us and his daughters behind when he emigrated to Medina. Having arrived at Medina, he sent Zayd b. Harithah and his client Abu Rafi’ for us. He gave them two camels and 500 dirhams he had taken from Abu Bakr to buy [other] beasts they needed. Abu Bakr sent with them ‘Abdallah b. Urayqit al-Dili, with two or three camels. He wrote to [his son] ‘Abdallah b. Abi Bakr to take his wife Umm Ruman, together with me and my sister Asma’, al-Zubayr’s wife, [and leave for Medina]. They all left [Medina] together, and when they arrived at Qudayd Zayd b. Harithah bought three camels with those 500 dirhams. All of them then entered Mecca, where they met Talhah b. ‘Ubaydallah on his way to leave town, together with Abu Bakr’s family. So we all left: Zayd b. Harithah, Abu Rafi’, Fatimah, Umm Kulthum, and Sawdah bt. Zam‘ah. Ayd mounted Umm Ayman and [his son] Usamah b. Zayd on a riding beast; ‘Abdallah b. Abi Bakr took Umm Ruman and his two sisters, and Talhah b. ‘Ubaydallah came [too]. We all went together, and when we reached Bayd in Tamanni my camel broke loose. I was sitting in the litter together with my mother, and she started exclaiming "Alas, my daughter, alas [you] bride"; then they caught up with our camel, after it had safely descended the Lift. We then arrived at Medina, and I stayed with Abu Bakr’s children, and [Abu Bakr] went to the Prophet. The latter was then busy building the mosque and our homes around it, where he [later] housed his wives. We stayed in Abu Bakr’s house for a few days; then Abu Bakr asked [the Prophet] "O Messenger of God, what prevents you from consummating the marriage with your wife?" The Prophet said "The bridal gift (sadaq)." Abu Bakr gave him the bridal gift, twelve and a half ounces [of gold], and the Prophet sent for us. He consummated our marriage in my house, the one where I live now and where he passed away. **Al-Tabari, Vol. 39, pp. 171-173 *"Aisha was still a child when Muhammad married her, and she continued to play with her toys." ** W. Montgomery Watt - Muhammad At Medina (P. 323) - Oxford At The Clarendon Press, 1977, ISBN 9780195773071 * If the knowledge of 'Aishah were to be gathered up and compared to the knowledge of all the other wives of the Prophet and all other women, 'Aishah's knowledge would be greater. ** Ibn Shihab al-Zuhri, (Al-Hakim, Al-Mustadrak, vol. 4, p. 11) == External links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:610s births]] [[Category:678 deaths]] [[Category:Religious leaders]] [[Category:Islam and women]] [[Category:Arab military leaders]] [[Category:People from Mecca]] [[Category:Sahabah]] [[Category:Muslim saints‎]] [[Category:7th century Muslims]] [[Category:7th century Arabs]] [[Category:Women born before the 19th century]] j7h9a8c6jh4bsf7wzzcfqtt81rsz4s5 0 194163 3949336 3778187 2026-06-05T22:38:25Z ~2026-33625-15 3337022 3949336 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mickey Mouse & Friends logo.png|thumb]] '''[[w:Mickey Mouse|Mickey Mouse]]''' (also known as '''Michael Theodore Mouse''') is a cartoon character created in 1928 at [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]], who serves as the mascot of [[w:The Walt Disney Company|The Walt Disney Company]]. Created as a replacement for a prior Disney character, [[w:Oswald the Lucky Rabbit|Oswald the Lucky Rabbit]], Mickey first appeared in the short ''[[w:Plane Crazy|Plane Crazy]]'', debuting publicly in the short film ''[[w:Steamboat Willie|Steamboat Willie]]'' (1928), one of the first sound cartoons. In all, the character has appeared in over 130 films, including ''[[w:The Band Concert|The Band Concert]]'' (1935), ''[[w:Brave Little Tailor|Brave Little Tailor]]'' (1938), and ''[[w:Fantasia (1940 film)|Fantasia]]'' (1940). Mickey appeared primarily in short films, but also occasionally in feature-length films. Ten of Mickey's cartoons were nominated for the [[w:Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film|Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film]], one of which, ''[[w:Lend a Paw|Lend a Paw]]'', won the award in 1942. In 1978, Mickey Mouse became the first cartoon character to have a star on the [[w:Hollywood Walk of Fame|Hollywood Walk of Fame]]. From 1930, the character has featured in comic strips and comic books. The [[w:Mickey Mouse (comic strip)|Mickey Mouse comic strip]], drawn primarily by [[w:Floyd Gottfredson|Floyd Gottfredson]], ran for 45 years. The mouse appeared in comic books such as ''[[w:Mickey Mouse (comic book)|Mickey Mouse]]'', Disney Italy's ''[[w:Topolino|Topolino]]'' and ''[[w:MM Mickey Mouse Mystery Magazine|MM – Mickey Mouse Mystery Magazine]]'', and ''[[w:Wizards of Mickey|Wizards of Mickey]]''. Mickey also features in television series such as ''[[w:The Mickey Mouse Club|The Mickey Mouse Club]]'' (1955–1996) and others. He appears in other media such as video games, and is a meetable character at the Disney parks. Mickey generally appears alongside his girlfriend [[w:Minnie Mouse|Minnie Mouse]], his pet dog [[w:Pluto (Disney)|Pluto]], his friends such as [[w:Donald Duck|Donald Duck]], [[w:Donald Duck|his]] hypnotist girlfriend [[w:Daisy Duck|Daisy Duck]], [[w:Goofy|Goofy]], [[w:Pinocchio (1940 film)|Figaro]], [[w:Thumper (Bambi)|Thumper]], [[w:Flower (Bambi)|Flower]], [[w:List of Disney's Cinderella characters|Gus]], [[w:List of Disney's Cinderella characters|Anastasia Tremaine]], [[w:List of Disney's Cinderella characters|Lucifer]], [[w:Ben and Me|Amos Mouse]], [[w:Kanga (Winnie-the-Pooh)|Kanga]], [[w:Roo|Roo]], [[w:The Aristocats|Duchess, Marie, Berlioz and Toulouse]], [[w:The Rescuers|Penny and Rufus]] among others (see [[w:Mickey Mouse universe|Mickey Mouse universe]]). Though originally characterized as a cheeky lovable rogue, Mickey was rebranded over time as a nice guy, usually seen as an honest and bodacious hero. In 2009, Disney began to rebrand the character again by putting less emphasis on his friendly, well-meaning persona and reintroducing the more adventurous and stubborn sides of his personality, beginning with the video game [[w:Epic Mickey|Epic Mickey]]. [[sv:Musse Pigg]] ==Quotes== :<small>'''In chronological order within each section.'''</small> ===1931–1941=== * In the current American mythology, Mickey Mouse is the imp, the benevolent dwarf of older fables, and like them he is far more popular than the important gods, heroes, and ogres. Over a hundred prints of each of his adventures are made, and of the fifteen thousand movie houses wired for sound in America, twelve thousand show his pictures. So far he has been deathless, as the demand for the early Mickey Mouses continues although they are nearly four years old; they are used at children’s matinées, for request programs, and as acceptable fillers in programs of short subjects. It is estimated that over a million separate audiences see him every year. ** [[w:Gilbert Seldes|Gilbert Seldes]] [https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1931/12/19/walt-disney-profile-mickey-mouse-maker "Mickey-Mouse Maker: Walt Disney at thirty"], ''The New Yorker'' (December 11, 1931) * The first Mickey Mouse was made by twelve people after hours in a garage. About twelve hundred people are working overtime now in a fifty-one-acre plant. ** [[Walt Disney]] [https://archive.org/stream/american22asch/american22asch_djvu.txt "Growing Pains"], ''Journal of the Society of Motion Picture Engineers'' (January 1941), Vol. XXXVI, pp. 30-40, reprinted in ''American Cinematographer'' (1941), p. 106 (reproduced by the Internet Archive) ===2009=== * How long does copyright extend today? According to the [[w:Sonny Bono|Sonny Bono]] [[w:Copyright Term Extension Act|Copyright Term Extension Act]] of 1998 (also known as "the Mickey Mouse Protection Act," because Mickey was about to fall into the public domain), it lasts as long as the life of the author plus seventy years. In practice, that normally would mean more than a century. * To descend from the high principles of the [[w:Founding Fathers of the United States|Founding Fathers]] to the practices of the cultural industries today is to leave the realm of Enlightenment for the hurly-burly of corporate capitalism. If we turned the sociology of knowledge onto the present—as [[Pierre Bourdieu|[Pierre] Bourdieu]] himself did—we would see that we live in a world designed by Mickey Mouse, red in tooth and claw. ** [[w:Robert Darnton|Robert Darnton]] [https://www.nybooks.com/articles/2009/02/12/google-the-future-of-books/ "Google & the Future of Books"], ''New York Review of Books'' (February 12, 2009) ** The first released Mickey Mouse cartoon, ''[[w:Steamboat Willie|Steamboat Willie]]'' (1928), finally entered the [[w:Public domain|public domain]] on January 1, 2024. * Ending Catchphrases: ** ''See you real soon!'' (1955-2007) ** ''We’ll see you next time!'' (2021-present) ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Fictional characters]] 01sgz1eo7bl7kaw1bb53rsr26ot0xu5 3949379 3949336 2026-06-06T01:12:54Z ~2026-33625-15 3337022 3949379 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mickey Mouse & Friends logo.png|thumb]] '''[[w:Mickey Mouse|Mickey Mouse]]''' (also known as '''Michael Theodore Mouse''') is a cartoon character created in 1928 at [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]], who serves as the mascot of [[w:The Walt Disney Company|The Walt Disney Company]]. Created as a replacement for a prior Disney character, [[w:Oswald the Lucky Rabbit|Oswald the Lucky Rabbit]], Mickey first appeared in the short ''[[w:Plane Crazy|Plane Crazy]]'', debuting publicly in the short film ''[[w:Steamboat Willie|Steamboat Willie]]'' (1928), one of the first sound cartoons. In all, the character has appeared in over 130 films, including ''[[w:The Band Concert|The Band Concert]]'' (1935), ''[[w:Brave Little Tailor|Brave Little Tailor]]'' (1938), and ''[[w:Fantasia (1940 film)|Fantasia]]'' (1940). Mickey appeared primarily in short films, but also occasionally in feature-length films. Ten of Mickey's cartoons were nominated for the [[w:Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film|Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film]], one of which, ''[[w:Lend a Paw|Lend a Paw]]'', won the award in 1942. In 1978, Mickey Mouse became the first cartoon character to have a star on the [[w:Hollywood Walk of Fame|Hollywood Walk of Fame]]. From 1930, the character has featured in comic strips and comic books. The [[w:Mickey Mouse (comic strip)|Mickey Mouse comic strip]], drawn primarily by [[w:Floyd Gottfredson|Floyd Gottfredson]], ran for 45 years. The mouse appeared in comic books such as ''[[w:Mickey Mouse (comic book)|Mickey Mouse]]'', Disney Italy's ''[[w:Topolino|Topolino]]'' and ''[[w:MM Mickey Mouse Mystery Magazine|MM – Mickey Mouse Mystery Magazine]]'', and ''[[w:Wizards of Mickey|Wizards of Mickey]]''. Mickey also features in television series such as ''[[w:The Mickey Mouse Club|The Mickey Mouse Club]]'' (1955–1996) and others. He appears in other media such as video games, and is a meetable character at the Disney parks. Mickey generally appears alongside his girlfriend [[w:Minnie Mouse|Minnie Mouse]], his pet dog [[w:Pluto (Disney)|Pluto]], his friends such as [[w:Donald Duck|Donald Duck]], [[w:Donald Duck|his]] hypnotist girlfriend [[w:Daisy Duck|Daisy Duck]], [[w:Goofy|Goofy]], [[w:Pinocchio (1940 film)|Figaro]], [[w:Thumper (Bambi)|Thumper]], [[w:Flower (Bambi)|Flower]], [[w:List of Disney's Cinderella characters|Gus]], [[w:List of Disney's Cinderella characters|Anastasia Tremaine]], [[w:List of Disney's Cinderella characters|Lucifer]], [[w:Ben and Me|Amos Mouse]], [[w:Kanga (Winnie-the-Pooh)|Kanga]], [[w:Roo|Roo]], [[w:The Aristocats|Roquefort]], [[w:The Aristocats|Duchess, Marie, Berlioz and Toulouse]], [[w:The Rescuers|Penny and Rufus]] among others (see [[w:Mickey Mouse universe|Mickey Mouse universe]]). Though originally characterized as a cheeky lovable rogue, Mickey was rebranded over time as a nice guy, usually seen as an honest and bodacious hero. In 2009, Disney began to rebrand the character again by putting less emphasis on his friendly, well-meaning persona and reintroducing the more adventurous and stubborn sides of his personality, beginning with the video game [[w:Epic Mickey|Epic Mickey]]. [[sv:Musse Pigg]] ==Quotes== :<small>'''In chronological order within each section.'''</small> ===1931–1941=== * In the current American mythology, Mickey Mouse is the imp, the benevolent dwarf of older fables, and like them he is far more popular than the important gods, heroes, and ogres. Over a hundred prints of each of his adventures are made, and of the fifteen thousand movie houses wired for sound in America, twelve thousand show his pictures. So far he has been deathless, as the demand for the early Mickey Mouses continues although they are nearly four years old; they are used at children’s matinées, for request programs, and as acceptable fillers in programs of short subjects. It is estimated that over a million separate audiences see him every year. ** [[w:Gilbert Seldes|Gilbert Seldes]] [https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1931/12/19/walt-disney-profile-mickey-mouse-maker "Mickey-Mouse Maker: Walt Disney at thirty"], ''The New Yorker'' (December 11, 1931) * The first Mickey Mouse was made by twelve people after hours in a garage. About twelve hundred people are working overtime now in a fifty-one-acre plant. ** [[Walt Disney]] [https://archive.org/stream/american22asch/american22asch_djvu.txt "Growing Pains"], ''Journal of the Society of Motion Picture Engineers'' (January 1941), Vol. XXXVI, pp. 30-40, reprinted in ''American Cinematographer'' (1941), p. 106 (reproduced by the Internet Archive) ===2009=== * How long does copyright extend today? According to the [[w:Sonny Bono|Sonny Bono]] [[w:Copyright Term Extension Act|Copyright Term Extension Act]] of 1998 (also known as "the Mickey Mouse Protection Act," because Mickey was about to fall into the public domain), it lasts as long as the life of the author plus seventy years. In practice, that normally would mean more than a century. * To descend from the high principles of the [[w:Founding Fathers of the United States|Founding Fathers]] to the practices of the cultural industries today is to leave the realm of Enlightenment for the hurly-burly of corporate capitalism. If we turned the sociology of knowledge onto the present—as [[Pierre Bourdieu|[Pierre] Bourdieu]] himself did—we would see that we live in a world designed by Mickey Mouse, red in tooth and claw. ** [[w:Robert Darnton|Robert Darnton]] [https://www.nybooks.com/articles/2009/02/12/google-the-future-of-books/ "Google & the Future of Books"], ''New York Review of Books'' (February 12, 2009) ** The first released Mickey Mouse cartoon, ''[[w:Steamboat Willie|Steamboat Willie]]'' (1928), finally entered the [[w:Public domain|public domain]] on January 1, 2024. * Ending Catchphrases: ** ''See you real soon!'' (1955-2007) ** ''We’ll see you next time!'' (2021-present) ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Fictional characters]] h11o4s3vu9nhi16fzkfvepbdnjflm9n 0 195787 3949441 3946979 2026-06-06T06:24:09Z ~2026-15540-29 3301152 /* The Wheels on the Bus [8.08] */ 3949441 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Season''' [[Criminal Minds (season 1)|1]] [[Criminal Minds (season 2)|2]] [[Criminal Minds (season 3)|3]] [[Criminal Minds (season 4)|4]] [[Criminal Minds (season 5)|5]] [[Criminal Minds (season 6)|6]] [[Criminal Minds (season 7)|7]] [[Criminal Minds (season 8)|8]] [[Criminal Minds (season 9)|9]] [[Criminal Minds (season 10)|10]] [[Criminal Minds (season 11)|11]] [[Criminal Minds (season 12)|12]] [[Criminal Minds (season 13)|13]] [[Criminal Minds (season 14)|14]] [[Criminal Minds (season 15)|15]] | ''[[Criminal Minds: Evolution]]'' | [[Criminal Minds|'''Main''']] ---- '''''[[Criminal Minds]]''''' (2005–2020) is an American television show, airing on [[w:CBS|CBS]], about an elite squad of FBI profilers that analyzes the country's most twisted criminal minds and anticipates their next move before they strike again. ===''The Silencer'' [8.01]=== :'''Aaron Hotchner''': "As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do." [[Andrew Carnegie]] <hr width="50%"> :'''Aaron Hotchner''': "A man is known by the silence he keeps." [[Oliver Herford]] ===''The Pact'' [8.02]=== :'''David Rossi''': [[Ralph Steadman]] wrote, "Evil is always devising more corrosive misery through man's restless need to exact revenge out of his hate." <hr width="50%"> :'''David Rossi''': [[w:Paul Brown|Paul Brown]] once said, "If you win, say nothing. If you lose, say less." ===''Through the Looking Glass'' [8.03]=== :'''Jennifer Jareau''': The German author [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe|Goethe]] wrote, "Behavior is the mirror in which everyone shows their true image." <hr width="50%"> :'''Aaron Hotchner''': "One of the deep secrets of life is that all that is really worth doing is what we do for others." [[Lewis Carroll]] ===''God Complex'' [8.04]=== :'''Spencer Reid''': [[Arthur Conan Doyle|Sir Arthur Conan Doyle]] wrote, "When a doctor does go wrong, he is the first of criminals. He has the nerve and he has the knowledge." <hr width="50%"> :'''Jennifer Jareau''': "Body and soul cannot be separated for purposes of treatment, for they are one and indivisible. Sick minds must be healed as well as sick bodies." Dr. Jeff Miller ===''The Good Earth'' [8.05]=== :'''Spencer Reid''': "I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." [[Edgar Allan Poe]] <hr width="50%"> :'''Alex Blake''': [[Alfred Austin]] said, "Show me your garden and I shall tell you what you are." ===''The Apprenticeship'' [8.06]=== :'''Derek Morgan''': "Better than a thousand days of diligent study is one day with a great teacher." Japanese proverb <hr width="50%"> :'''Spencer Reid''': "The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your own riches, but to reveal to him his own." [[Benjamin Disraeli]] ===''The Fallen'' [8.07]=== :'''David Rossi''': "You never find yourself until you face the truth." [[Pearl Bailey]] <hr width="50%"> :'''David Rossi''': "I am not concerned that you have fallen. I am concerned that you arise." [[Abraham Lincoln]] ===''The Wheels on the Bus'' [8.08]=== :'''Aaron Hotchner''': French novelist [[Jean Giraudoux]] said, "I'm not afraid of death. It's the stake one puts up in order to play the game of life." <hr width="50%"> :'''Derek Morgan''': [[Frederick Douglass]] said, "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." ===''Magnificent Light'' [8.09]=== :'''Alex Blake''': "A great deal of talent is lost to the world for the want of a little courage." [[Sydney Smith]] <hr width="50%"> :'''Derek Morgan''': "The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive but in finding something to live for." [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky]] ===''The Lesson'' [8.10]=== :'''Spencer Reid''': [[William Shakespeare]] once wrote, "Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind." <hr width="50%"> :'''Spencer Reid''': [[Thomas Merton]] wrote, "Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone; we find it with another." ===''Perennials'' [8.11]=== :'''Spencer Reid''': "I have never yet heard of a murderer who was not afraid of a ghost." [[John Philpot Curran]] <hr width="50%"> :'''David Rossi''': "The doctrine of the immortality of the soul has more threat than comfort." [[Mason Cooley]] ===''Zugzwang'' [8.12]=== :'''Spencer Reid''': "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." [[Laozi|Lao Tzu]] [NOTE: This quote never appeared in Lao Tzu's works. The earliest that could be located was in [[Dean Koontz]]'s 1988 novel ''Lightning''. He attributed the quote to Lao Tzu with no reliable source.] <hr width="50%"> :'''Maeve Donovan''': "Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone; we find it with another." [[Thomas Merton]] ===''Magnum Opus'' [8.13]=== :'''Jennifer Jareau''': "My blood alone remains. Take it, but do not make me suffer long." [[Marie Antoinette]] <hr width="50%"> :'''Spencer Reid''': "Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over." Nicole Sobon ===''All That Remains'' [8.14]=== :'''Aaron Hotchner''': "Love never dies a natural death. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings." [[Anaïs Nin]] <hr width="50%"> :'''Aaron Hotchner''': [[Alan Lightman]] said, "The tragedy of this world is that no one is happy, whether stuck in a time of pain or of joy." ===''Broken'' [8.15]=== :'''Alex Blake''': "The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are stronger at the broken places." [[Ernest Hemingway]] ===''Carbon Copy'' [8.16]=== :'''David Rossi''': "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." [[Charles Caleb Colton]] ===''The Gathering'' [8.17]=== :'''Spencer Reid''': [[Barbara Grizzuti Harrison]] once said, "All acts performed in the world begin in the imagination." <hr width="50%"> :'''Spencer Reid''': [[Oscar Wilde]] said, "I can resist anything except temptation." ===''Restoration'' [8.18]=== :'''David Rossi''': "I am dead. Only vengeance can restore me." [[Terry Goodkind]] <hr width="50%"> :'''Derek Morgan''': "For darkness restores what light cannot repair." [[Joseph Brodsky]] ===''Pay It Forward'' [8.19]=== :'''David Rossi''': "A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely unhappen." [[Edward de Bono]] <hr width="50%"> :'''Aaron Hotchner''': "There is no present or future; only the past, happening over and over again now." [[Eugene O'Neill]] ===''Alchemy'' [8.20]=== :'''David Rossi''': "Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in dreams?" [[Alfred Lord Tennyson]] <hr width="50%"> :'''Spencer Reid''': [[J. R. R. Tolkien]] wrote, "I will not say do not weep, for not all tears are an evil." ===''Nanny Dearest'' [8.21]=== :'''Aaron Hotchner''': "Children are educated by what the grown-up is, and not by his talk." [[Carl Jung]] <hr width="50%"> :'''Jennifer Jareau''': "Alone, all alone. Nobody, but nobody can make it out here alone." [[Maya Angelou]] ===''#6'' [8.22]=== :'''Alex Blake''': "We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person." [[W. Somerset Maugham]] ===''Brothers Hotchner'' [8.23]=== :'''Aaron Hotchner''': "Rarely do members of the same family grow up under the same roof." [[Richard Bach]] <hr width="50%"> :'''Aaron Hotchner''': "Cruel is the strife of brothers." [[Aristotle]] ===''The Replicator'' [8.24]=== :'''David Rossi''': "Affliction comes to us, not to make us sad but sober; not to make us sorry but wise." [[H. G. Wells]] <hr width="50%"> :'''Aaron Hotchner''': [[Richard Bach]] wrote, "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life." [[Category:Criminal Minds seasons]] 0yp0kgdvhjaqgob5f9zdr74vex0cyp6 0 199061 3949471 3949094 2026-06-06T07:35:59Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 3949471 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / Chill Out, Scooby-Doo! / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword / Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King|Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]]''''' in 77 minutes release on Blu-Ray on October 17, [[w:2017 film|2017]] by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment is a [[w:2008 in film|2008 film]] about Scooby-Doo and Shaggy, who must travel to the underworld ruled by the Goblin King. :''Directed and written by Joe Sichta.'' {{film-stub}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * For once in our lives, Scoob, I hope we're too late for supper. === {{w|Fred Jones}} === *Shaggy and Scooby are in big trouble. We've gotta find them before that whacked-out warlock does. === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * And what about that adorable little fairy? We can't just let that icky Goblin King take her away. Right, Velma? [?] Oh, no, Velma's fried. All this must have overloaded her rational brain. === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * Uh, let's not and say we didn't. * ''[?]'' That's impossible. Rational mind-- shuttin' down. == Dialogue== :'''Fred''': Shaggy and Scooby are in big trouble. We've gotta find them before that whacked-out warlock does. :'''Daphne''': And what about that adorable little fairy? We can't just let that icky Goblin King take her away. Right, Velma? ''[?]'' Oh, no, Velma's fried. All this must have overloaded her rational brain. :'''Fred''': Then it's up to us, Daphne. We've gotta get over to that clock tower before midnight and set a trap for that magic maniac. Come on. <hr width=50%> :'''Shaggy''': For once in our lives, Scoob, I hope we're too late for supper. :'''Witch''': It is very rude to linger in doorways. <hr width=50%> :'''Goblin King''': You know, Krudsky, you really are my kind of guy. :'''Krudsky''': Really? Y-You mean, you'll help me with my career? :'''Goblin King''': Let's just say, where you're going, you'll have ''lots'' of time to practice your act. == Cast == * [[Frank Welker]] — Scooby-Doo and Fred * Casey Kasem — Shaggy * Mindy Cohn — Velma * Grey DeLisle — Daphne * Hayden Panettiere as Fairy Princess Willow * Wayne Knight as Amazing Krudsky * Wallace Shawn as Mr. Gibbles * Jay Leno as Jack O'Lantern * Tim Curry as Goblin King and Werewolf * James Belushi<br>Larry Joe Campbell as Glob and Glum * Lauren Bacall as Grand Witch * Thom Adcox as Sparkplug * Russi Taylor as Owl Witch and Tiddlywink == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2008 animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated mystery films]] [[Category:American monster movies]] [[Category:Animated films about fairies]] [[Category:American films about Halloween]] [[Category:Films about magic (illusion)]] [[Category:Animated films about magic (supernatural)]] [[Category:Goblins in popular culture]] [[Category:Goblin films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:Animated films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Animation films]] [[Category:Animated films based on animated series]] [[Category:Warner Bros. direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:Animated films about witchcraft]] [[Category:2000s children's animated films]] [[Category:Films directed by Joe Sichta]] [[Category:2008 English-language films]] [[Category:Animated films about Halloween]] [[Category:English-language science fiction horror films]] [[Category:Halloween comedy films]] fn1f43cixniieg4mdj56ze3okxg6rw6 0 203942 3949316 3702497 2026-06-05T20:34:43Z ~2026-20710-68 3308056 3949316 wikitext text/x-wiki #REDIRECT [[Thomas & Friends]] [[Category:Thomas & Friends films]] [[Category:2025 animated films]] Blue mountain mystery is the 2025 animated film special takes place series 27 and 28, em3hoo2ov65c2pcrfyuguxgj3bxu72m 0 207974 3949207 3940743 2026-06-05T13:59:37Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949207 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Martha Speaks (TV series)|Martha Speaks]]''''' is a children's animated television series based on the [[w:Martha Speaks (book)|1992 children's book of the same name]] by Susan Meddaugh, and heavily associated (affiliated) with the children's television series ''[[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]''. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and from ages 5 to 8. ==Season 1== ===Martha Speaks / Martha Gives Advice [1.01]=== :'''Entire family:''' Martha, be quiet! :'''Martha:''' ''[gasps]'' What seems to be the problem? :'''Danny:''' You talk too much! :'''Mariella:''' You never stop jabbering! :'''Helen:''' Sometimes I wish you never learned how to speak! :''[Martha's feelings are crushed, and she slowly walks away.]'' ===Martha Blah Blah / Skits Behaves [1.06]=== :'''Granny Flo:''' Bye-bye B, Sayounara S, too-dle-too T, adios A! ===Oh, Nooo! / Bye, Martha [1.10]=== :'''Martha:''' Quiet, baby Jake! This is history in the making! This guy singing could become an international superstar! :'''Helen:''' Except, I don't think he's going to win. :'''Martha:''' Well, he might if we called a number of times and voted for him. :'''Mariella:''' We can't do that, Martha. It would be dishonest. We're only allowed to vote once. ''[beat]'' Commercial's on! Popcorn time! :''[Mariella gets up to find popcorn]'' :'''Danny:''' ''[reads newspaper]'' Oh, no, it says here that Granny's alphabet soup is really taking a licking. No, it's an expression. Taking a licking means something isn't going well. It says here that Grandma Flo is really losing money. ===Martha in Charge / Truman and the Deep Blue Sea [1.13]=== :'''Alice:''' Could you please get your nose out of that book for one minute? What are you reading something so interesting anyway? :'''Truman:''' The Odyssey: It's a about a hero who's lost at sea, and he has to overcome all sorts of obstacles before he can get home! :'''Alice:''' Does he see any whales? Because that's what ''you're'' about to see! ===Martha Runs the Store [1.19]=== :''Danny blows up a balloon, puts icing on a cake, and nails a banner to the wall''<br/> : '''Danny:''' ahh... you've got a nap for this, Daniel! :''[the phone rings]'' ===Helen's All Thumbs / Martha's Dirty Habit [1.30]=== :'''Television advertisement''': Do you have an irresistible craving that nothing will stop? ''[explains the definition of "craving", Daniel peeks over]'' Maybe you crave the deep, rich ... perhaps you have a weakness, unstoppable urge for the thick chunky chocolate... ''[Daniel sweats and walks away]'' :'''Martha''': What about you? :'''Danny''': Hey, I was just thinking ''[touches the cookie jar]'' it's pretty silly to stop digging all at once. What if you just went outside and dug a little? :'''Martha''': Yeah, I know what you mean. :''[Daniel stops touching the jar of cookies]'' :'''Television advertisment''': Crunchy graham crackers, chocolate nougat, all in one irresistible bar! The crave bar! It's what you crave! Come on! Give in to the urge! ===Martha the Witness / Martha Takes a Stand [1.32]=== :'''Martha:''' This is a matter of principle! : '''Danny:''' Principle? A principle is something you believe in very, very strongly, like being a good neighbor. But there is one principle I believe in above all others. A man has the right to not be bossed around by any of his pets! :''[Mariella is reading a book]'' :'''Mariella:''' Good principle. ==Season 2== ===The Jakey Express / Martha Sled Dog [2.07]=== :''[Danny gets out the spare tire out of the car to the amusement of Helen]'' :'''Mariella:''' Isn't that a good idea? :'''Danny:''' It would make a great sled! :''[End of flashback]'' :'''Danny:''' Okay, it looks like I forgot to put the spare tire back in. ===Skits on Ice / Martha's Steamed! [2.11]=== :'''Danny:''' Helen! :'''Helen:''' Yes, dad? :'''Danny:''' ''[eating out of a tub of ice cream]'' Why won't T.D.'s dad let him put his shoes in the freezer anymore? :'''Helen:''' Because his dad says they make the ice cream taste like feet. :''[Danny starts becoming nauseous and throws up the ice cream in the sink while Helen walks away]'' ==Season 4 == ===Martha's Market / Bye Bye Burger Boy [4.10]=== :''[The car pulls up in the drive-thru area]'' :'''Danny:''' Good Evening, Stan! :'''Stan:''' Howdy there! May I please take your order? :'''Danny:''' We'll take 6 Burger Boy burgers, 3 large sweet potato fries, and one family style salad to go! ==Season 6== ===Martha's Holiday Surprise / We're Powerless [6.08]=== :''[last lines of the series]'' :'''Martha, Helen, TD, and Truman''': Ready, set, go for gold! :''[They leave as Skits rolls over and run around the house]'' ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:Flash animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:Canadian TV shows with live action and animation]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:TVOntario shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]] jzhp8dnhaccv5x2407eb79u603ppn64 0 209389 3949203 3946672 2026-06-05T13:49:49Z Hhrlan23 3222540 3949203 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:For Scent-imental Reasons|For Scent-imental Reasons]]''''' is a [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' short released in 1949. It was directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]], written by [[w:Michael Maltese|Michael Maltese]], and featured the characters [[w:Pepé Le Pew|Pepé Le Pew]] and [[w:Penelope Pussycat|Penelope Pussycat]] (all voices were done by [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]]). It won the [[w:Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film|Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film]] and was the first [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]] directed cartoon to win this award. This cartoon was featured in ''[[The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie]]''. ==Dialogue== :'''Pepé''': ''[sings]'' Affaire d'amour ? Affaire de cœur ? Je ne sais quoi... ''[grabs a perfume and opens the lid]'' ...je vive en espoir. ''[Sniffs]'' Mmmm m mm... un smella vous finez... ''[Hums]'' :'''Gendarme''': Le kittee quel terrible odeur !! ''[runs away]'' :'''Perfume Shop Owner''': Arrêt Gendarme !! Arrêt !! Retournez-moi !! This instonce!! ''[crying]'' Oh, pouvre de moi! I am ze bankrupt! :'''[[w:Penelope Pussycat|Penelope Pussycat]]''': Le mew. Le purr. :'''Perfume Shop Owner''': Ah, le pussy ferocious. Remove that skunk, that polecat pole from the premises. Avec! :''[He tosses Penelope in the store and the cat crashed to a table and knocks down a bottle of white hair dye.]'' :'''Penelope''': (Smells skunk) Sniff, sniff, sniff-sniff, sniff-sniff. :'''Pepé''': Quel est ? ''[notices cat]'' Ahh... le belle femme skunk fatale... ''[clicks tongue twice]'' ==Pepé Le Pew== :''[last lines]'' : You know, it is possible to be ''too'' attractive! ==Voice cast== * [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Pepe Le Pew / Perfume Shop Owner / Gendarme / Cat (voice) ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Looney Tunes}} [[Category:1949 animated films]] [[Category:American animated short films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated short films]] [[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]] [[Category:American romantic comedy films]] [[Category:Best Animated Short Academy Award winners]] [[Category:Pepé Le Pew cartoons]] [[Category:Penelope Pussycat cartoons]] [[Category:Films set in Paris]] [[Category:Films set in France]] [[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]] ivh4xmhespe7bo4t4fh0qm4j8dfvhep 0 211546 3949255 3936786 2026-06-05T15:40:30Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949255 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} {{Ren & Stimpy header}} '''''{{w|Ren & Stimpy "Adult Party Cartoon"}}''''' is an adult animated television series created by Canadian animator [[John Kricfalusi]] for the cable network [[w:Paramount Network|Spike TV]], now Paramount Network. It was developed as an ''extreme'' revamp of ''[[The Ren & Stimpy Show]]'', which had previously aired on the American children's cable network Nickelodeon, and is noted for being significantly more vulgar and inappropriate than the original series. The show was aimed at adults, and from ages 18 to 22. ==Episodes== ===Onward and Upward=== :'''Ren''': What a dump! I'm sorry Stimpy, but I'm just too damn tired tonight. I just gotta get some sleep. Bugger off okay? :'''Stimpy''': But, Ren. :'''Ren''': What is it now, Stimpy? :'''Stimpy''': I have needs. :'''Ren''': Oh, I don't give a rat's ass about your needs. ''[gets an idea]'' Oh, Stimpy! Close your eyes and pucker up. :'''Stimpy''': Joy! :'''Ren''': Oh, what I'm going to do to Stimpy. Oh yes, it's so good, look. Look, a rat's ass. Here it is! <hr width=50%> :'''Ren''': What did I just tell you?! Who's the pitcher, who's the catcher?! :'''Stimpy''': You're the pitcher, I'm the catcher! You're the pitcher, I'm the catcher! See? ''[points to a chalkboard indicating said terms]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Ren''': What do you think is the difference between boogers and goobers, Stimpinton? :'''Stimpy''': A stooge question, Renwick. Why don't we ask the greatest genius in the world. :'''Ren''': Who's that? :'''Stimpy''': Dr. Stupid. Who else? :''[Ren changes the channel, showing Stimpy as Dr. Stupid.]'' :'''Dr. Stupid''': Today's question is, what is the difference between boogers and goobers? Actually, the difference is merely superficial. These are just two different words that both represent wet things. More specifically, wet things that come from inside your head. :'''Male V.O.''': Thank you, Dr. Stupid. :''[The scene changes back to Ren and Stimpy in the spittoon.]'' :'''Ren''': ''[chuckles]'' Wet things that come from your... '''''"HOELS"'''''. ["holes"] <hr width=50%> :'''Stimpy''': Don’t put those horrible chemicals in your hair, Ren. :'''Ren''': Why? :'''Stimpy''': ''[Digs for something from under the tub. It’s revealed to be “Farmer Hanky”]'' Here! ''[Closeup of the can]'' Use all natural Farmer Hanky’s shampoo. :'''Ren''': I’d like to try it. <hr width=50%> :'''Man''': Oh, my God! The spitoon’s filled with vermin! ''[Sucks his spit back in and swallows. Cut to another guy, who appears to be sleeping in his own puke]'' :'''Man 2''': That’s disgusting! ''[He sucks the puke back into his head. Another guy sucks in his snot, and a chicken sucks in its eggs. A guy with 1 eye takes the other eye in his glass and sucks it into where his other eye would’ve been. The bartender notices the chaos]'' :'''Juahini''': ''[While a glass breaks]'' Holy crap! ''[Looks around]'' I’m gonna lose all my BUSINESS! ''[Cut to everyone in the spittoon terrified and screaming at Ren and Stimpy, who’s still in the vase]'' I better do something fast! ''[He jumps over and looks at Ren and Stimpy with a cold look. Ren and Stimpy descend into the vase, but the bartender grabs the vase]'' '''Get out of my FUCKING bar you vermin sons of bitches!''' ''[He dumps them outside, and he and the others start spitting at them]'' ===Ren Seeks Help=== :'''Stimpy''': ААААААААААААААНННННН!!! (Cries. The screen zooms out to reveal Ren, watching him. Stimpy then looks over to him and points at him) You '''''<span style="color:red;">MONSTER!</span>''''' How can you say... those horrible things... to '''''MEEEEEEEEEEEEAEAEAEAEAEA?!?!''''' ''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! (He cries again. He starts pounding his fists on the bed while Ren looks at the camera. Ren turns into a first class heel)' "You son of a bitch...!" (Ren tries to console him) :'''Ren''': I'm sorry, Stimpy. I don't know why I do these things to you. I'm just a '''''pig!''''' :'''Stimpy''': ''[crying]'' Oh, you bastard! :'''Ren''': '''''Please''''' forgive me! :'''Stimpy''': Don't you touch me, you BEAST! (He crouches down) "Forgive me"...those empty words! That's all they are! No...not THIS time. You've gone TOO FAR this time, Ren! АААААААААННН!!! (He cries even more) :'''Ren''': I know I'm insane, Stimpy. I know I can't control my vile urges! But this time, I'll do something about it! I'll seek help. (He looks over to Stimpy, who cried so much now that the floor is flooded) I'll do it for you! :''[Stimpy stops crying, and dramatically turns to Ren.]'' :'''Stimpy''': Don't do it for me...DON'T DO IT FOR ME...Do it...for YOURSELF! (Breathes heavily) АААААААААНН!!! (He sobs as Ren sadly walks away) I'm gonna kill you... (Ren walks to the door and looks one last time before opening the door, which releases all the water out. still crying as he exits) ААААААААННН!!! (Cut to Ren outside the house, slowly walking away from it. He tears up as he hears scream one last time) АААААААААННН!! (The roof of the house gets shot up and a few windows break as he screams, and he resumes crying. Ren covers his ears from the noise and then gets even more teary-eyed. He slowly begins walking away as we see him walk past some cows, a few streets, and a street with a bunch of rubberhose-styled characters in the background. We fade to him walking from a different angle as it appears to be sunset, and then fade again to him walking through an alleyway. We fade again to a pan down of the alleyway as we see Ren walk towards the screen, kicking a can while doing so. It then fades to him walking towards the help center. He looks up and then resumes walking. He opens the door and enters inside. We fade to him going up an elevator, as he opens the door and continues walking. As he walks, we see a sign that says stuff like “YAK’S HEAD IMPORTS” and “HELP”. We then cut to Ren at the door, which says “Dr. Mr. Horse Professional” on it. He opens the door, and we see Mr. Horse at his desk, smoking a pipe. Ren walks towards his desk, as Mr. Horse looks down at him.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Ren''': I'm a terrible person, doc. I'm mean to everybody and I'm especially mean to those who love me the most. I've got issues! But I'm not crazy or anything! :'''Dr. Mr. Horse''': Of course not, Mr. Hoek. Let's just calm down. It's perfectly normal to be nervous talking to a professional. Now relax and we'll see just how sick you really are, shall we? :'''Ren''': Okay. <hr width=50%> :'''Ren's Dad''': Son, did you mangle this poor frog? :'''Ren''': No. :'''Ren's Dad''': Look at me when I'm talking to you! <hr width=50%> :'''Frog''': You're not gonna kill me? :'''Ren''': Does it still hurt? :'''Frog''': Oh God yes! My every nerve is on fire! :'''Ren''': Have a wonderful life! <hr width=50%> :'''Ren''': That was the last time I ever heard of that frog. And then, it’s a bit-a fuzzy. ''[Scratches his head while saying this]'' But soon came the onset of…”poo-perty”. And I met Stimpy. What a silly eediot. Why, I remember the first time I slapped Stimpy. He hardly even felt it. ''[Clenches his fists]'' So I hit him harder, and '''HARDER…''' but he wouldn’t go down! ''[Record scratch as we cut to Mr. Horse. Ren calms down and lays back on the couch and smiles. Cut again to Mr. Horse, who still has his notepad]'' :'''Dr. Mr. Horse''': ''[While writing on his notepad]'' This uh, Stimpy fellow. Do you love him? ''[Ren suddenly gets angry]'' :'''Ren''': No! Don’t speak to me of '''LOVE!''' ''[Mr. Horse looks back to the screen. The next shot depicts Mr. Horse with a realistic head]'' I loathe the word! ''[He lays back down as Mr. Horse goes back to his regular form]'' Anyways, it’s not like that. He is my friend. Just a friend :'''Dr. Mr. Horse''': ''[Grunts]'' Tell me more about this, uh, Stimpy fellow. ''[Ren holds on to the couch]'' :'''Ren''': Well…lately, I have been beating Stimpy mercilessly. Today I did something…so horrible…even for '''ME!''' :'''Dr. Mr. Horse''': ''[Moves closer to Ren]'' What did you do, Mr. Höek? :'''Ren''': ''[Hides his face]'' I don’t want to talk about it :'''Dr. Mr. Horse''': Come on, Mr. Höek. It’s time to dig. Dig it out for me. ''[Scene cuts to zoom in to their eyes]'' What did you do to Stimpy? :'''Ren''': Well…okay. ''[Gestures Mr. Horse to come closer. He then whispers in his ear about what he did]'' And then… ''[Whispers more into Mr. Horse’s ear]'' And then I… ''[Whispers very close to his ear]'' And finally I… ''[Shoves his head into his ear and whispers. Mr. Horse gets a scared look on his face as Ren finishes. Mr. Horse moves away as Ren sighs in relief. We cut to Mr. Horse with an old guy holding a carrot. He hands him the carrot, which he eats]'' :'''Guy''': Easy girl, easy. :''[Ren has told Dr. Mr. Horse what he did to Stimpy.]'' :'''Ren''': Well doc, I certainly feel better now that I've got that off of my chest. So what do you think is wrong with me? :'''Dr. Mr. Horse''': You want to know what's wrong with you. ''[Ren nods]'' Do you really want to know what's wrong with you? I'll tell you what's wrong with you. ''[punches Ren in the face]'' YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY! ''THAT'S'' WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU! :'''Ren''': Crazy?! :'''Dr. Mr. Horse''': That's right! You need to be locked up, away from decent, normal people! What kind of a lunatic are you!? You just walk up to strangers on the street and tell them "Hey mister, you wanna hear some sick stories of my twisted youth?"?! :'''Ren''': I don't understand! I came to you for help! I bared my soul to you! I told you all my darkest secrets! And now you tell me I'm crazy?! <big><big>'''''<span style="color:red;">WHAT KIND OF A PSYCHOLOGIST ARE YOU?!</span>'''''</big></big> :'''Dr. Mr. Horse''': Psychologist?! Are you nuts?! I'm a [[w:domestic horse|horse]]! You crazy son of a bitch! I'm gonna beat the living hell out of you! ''[He starts punching Ren in the face. Eventually Ren dodges and looks around and grabs a telephone, which he uses to smack Mr. Horse in the face. Ren then jumps him and starts to scratch him. Mr Horse frantically tries to get the gun from earlier, but the gun drops on the floor. Ren bites his arm, but then notices the gun. He grabs it and starts to violently beat Mr. Horse with it. He smacks him with it for a bit until Mr. Horse goes unconscious. We hear sirens in the background as Ren gets exhausted. Soon, the looney bin guys come in as they see that Ren has fully gone mad, with fiz coming from his mouth. One of the guys tries to get him, but Ren rips his hand off and eats it. The other guy ends up catching him with the stick as Ren squirms around violently. The guys walk off, with the guy whose hand got ripped off bleeding. We pan over to the window as we see Ren in the truck, spazzing and going insane. The truck drives off, and inside, we see the frog from earlier enter. He crawls over to the gun and puts it in his mouth. After a few attempts, he pulls the trigger and his brains get blown out. He sheds a tear as the episode irises out. We end on a Looney Tunes parody card with Ren, Stimpy, Mr. Horse, the frog, and the handless guy, which says “That’s it Folks!”]'' ===Fire Dogs 2=== :'''Ren''': We made it, Stimpy! No more eating filthy socks out of garbage cans! No more destitute living! We've arrived! We're gonna be wheels! We'll be running the firehouse! Living high on the hog! :''[Ren and Stimpy celebrate by dancing and playing flute music.]'' :'''Ren''': And all because the chief loves us! <hr width=50%> :'''Fire Chief''': Pals like to punch each other, right? ''[Stimpy nods and Ren shakes his head; the Fire Chief lets his stomach out onto the table, knocking their plates to the floor with a crash]'' Go ahead Eddie, give it your best shot! <hr width=50%> :'''Ren''': How many partners are there that are best friends, too? Right, partner? :''[The fire chief is reminded of his older partners, and becomes emotional.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': ''[yelling]'' Screw you, Charlie! Screw you, Lucy! ''[sadly]'' Do you love me, Tommy? Tommy, do you love me? :'''Stimpy''': He loves you. Tommy loves you, Chief. :'''Fire Chief''': SHUT UP! I wanna hear it from Tommy's lips. :''[Ren speaks in a strained voice as Stimpy moves his lips.]'' :'''Ren''': I... love... you... :'''Fire Chief''': Good! <hr width=50%> :''[The fire chief is unable to flush his poop down the toilet.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': Yikes! Hey, fellas, get rid of this thing! My date's gonna be here any minute! :'''Stimpy''': Yes, sir! I'm on that. :''[Stimpy starts plunging the toilet. The fire chief hears his date's car outside.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': Cripes, she's here! :''[Stimpy plunges the toilet faster.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': Get rid of it quick, Eddie! You don't want to make me look bad in front of my date, do ya?! :''[The fire chief hears the elevator coming up.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': Kill it! She's gettin' outta the elevator! Take care of it, Eddie, hurry up! :''[Stimpy tries to plunge the toilet even harder. The fire chief hears the doorbell and panics.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': She's here! She's at the door! FLUSH IT, FLUSH IT! FLUSH IT, YOU IDIOT! :''[Stimpy throws the plunger away and tries to flush the toilet, but it doesn't work either.]'' :'''Stimpy''': I can't! It doesn't wanna go! :'''Fire Chief''': Smash it down, asshole! :''[Stimpy falls from the chain and falls flat on the toilet.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': '''''DO SOMETHING, DO SOMETHING, DO SOMETHING!!!''''' SMASH IT! KILL IT! KILL IT! :''[The fire chief frantically growls at Stimpy as he tries other methods to get rid of the poop, but it's no use. Just then, the chief's date knocks at the door and rings the doorbell, making him even more frantic.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': Get rid of it now, or I'll cut you down to 10 percent! :''[Ren is horrified upon hearing this. The chief's date knocks on the door again.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': 5 PERCENT! :''[Ren starts panicking. The chief's date continues ringing the doorbell.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': '''''2 PERCENT!!!''''' :'''Ren''': ''[screams at Stimpy]'' Do something, you eediot, or we'll lose everything! :''[Having no other choice, Stimpy pulls the poop out of the toilet with his hands.]'' :'''Ren''': Stimpy, how big is that thing?! :'''Stimpy''': It's bigger than a baby, Ren! :''[Stimpy runs off with the poop.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': Atta boy, Tommy, go! Not the front door, you idiot! Use the fire escape! Go, go, go, go, go! <hr width=50%> :''[The fire chief wakes up in the middle of the night.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': ''[screams; panicking]'' Circus midgets! They're everywhere! Pull 'em off me, daddy! I can't stand 'em! They're crawlin' on me! They're eatin' me alive! Aah, aah! Pull 'em off me! <hr width=50%> :'''Fire Chief''': I love you guys. You're fired. ===Naked Beach Frenzy=== :'''Stimpy''': Wow, Ren! What a great idea you had to come to the beach today. I didn’t know you’re in to such clean, wholesome fun. ===Altruists=== :'''Stimpy''': I'm not afraid of anything living. But when it comes to spooks, them spooks give me the heebie-jeebies! :'''Ren''': Stimpy! :'''Stimpy''': ''[Takes a step forward, holding the cross up forward]'' You can’t hurt me! :'''Ren''': Oh, Stimpy! :'''Stimpy''': ''[Takes another step forward]'' I’m not afraid of you! ''[Swipes his cross]'' Get ‘em, Jesus! :'''Ren''': What the hell are you doing up there?! :'''Stimpy''': Away-ko! Away-ka-bo! :'''Ren''': Stimpy, if you don’t get over here this instant…! :'''Stimpy''': Go away, spooks! ''[Swipes his cross]'' :'''Ren''': I’m gonna make you wish you were dead! ''[Stimpy gasps again as we cut back to Ren looking through the pipe]'' <hr width=50%> ===Stimpy’s Pregnant=== :'''Ren''': You eediot! You woke me up in the middle of a perfect dream! :'''Stimpy''': Don't you lay a hand on me. Not in my condition. :'''Ren''': Condition? What condition? :'''Stimpy''': I've been trying to figure out how to tell you! :'''Ren''': Tell me '''''what?!''''' Spit it out, man! :'''Stimpy''': I'm gonna have your... '''''BABY!!!''''' :'''Ren''': '''''WHAAAAAT?!''''' I'll take care of that! :''[Ren finds a coat hanger and attempts to use it on Stimpy.]'' :'''Stimpy''': ''[screams]'' Don't you '''''DARE''''' put that nasty instrument in me! :'''Ren''': You said you used protection! :'''Stimpy''': I thought I was barren! You must have powerful seed! ''[crying]'' FORGIVE ME, REN! :'''Ren''': Get away from me! Sorceress! ''[turns away from Stimpy]'' Crap! Crap! Crap! We haven't had a job... in six '''''years!''''' What are we going to raise him on? '''''KITTY LITTER?!''''' <hr width=50%> :'''Stimpy''': Calm down, Ren. :'''Ren''': Calm down?! CALM DOWN?! '''''YOU ASK ME TO CALM DOWN?!''''' You're the one that's p-p-p... POISONED! :'''Stimpy''': Poisoned? Is that what you call it? That poison is our lovechild. Just think, Ren. It could be a little you running around here. <hr width=50%> :'''Ren''': Stimpy, there are millions of people watching you! Be decent! :''[Stimpy tries to hide his stomach, but exposes his breasts instead.]'' :'''Ren''': Eek! This is a family network! <hr width=50%> :'''Ren''': Make way for new life! ==See also== * ''[[The Ren & Stimpy Show]]'' ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:The Ren & Stimpy Show]] [[Category:2000s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s Canadian adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American sitcoms]] [[Category:American adult animated TV spin-offs]] [[Category:Canadian animated TV spin-offs]] [[Category:Flash adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian adult animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Canadian animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Paramount Network shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about cats]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] leq4ict56gdu8wkqkyzi9s73qq3n8tx 3949256 3949255 2026-06-05T15:40:57Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949256 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} {{Ren & Stimpy header}} '''''{{w|Ren & Stimpy "Adult Party Cartoon"}}''''' is an adult animated television series created by Canadian animator [[John Kricfalusi]] for the cable network [[w:Paramount Network|Spike TV]], now Paramount Network. It was developed as an ''extreme'' revamp of ''[[The Ren & Stimpy Show]]'', which had previously aired on the American children's cable network Nickelodeon, and is noted for being significantly more vulgar and inappropriate than the original series. The show was aimed at young adults, and from ages 18 to 22. ==Episodes== ===Onward and Upward=== :'''Ren''': What a dump! I'm sorry Stimpy, but I'm just too damn tired tonight. I just gotta get some sleep. Bugger off okay? :'''Stimpy''': But, Ren. :'''Ren''': What is it now, Stimpy? :'''Stimpy''': I have needs. :'''Ren''': Oh, I don't give a rat's ass about your needs. ''[gets an idea]'' Oh, Stimpy! Close your eyes and pucker up. :'''Stimpy''': Joy! :'''Ren''': Oh, what I'm going to do to Stimpy. Oh yes, it's so good, look. Look, a rat's ass. Here it is! <hr width=50%> :'''Ren''': What did I just tell you?! Who's the pitcher, who's the catcher?! :'''Stimpy''': You're the pitcher, I'm the catcher! You're the pitcher, I'm the catcher! See? ''[points to a chalkboard indicating said terms]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Ren''': What do you think is the difference between boogers and goobers, Stimpinton? :'''Stimpy''': A stooge question, Renwick. Why don't we ask the greatest genius in the world. :'''Ren''': Who's that? :'''Stimpy''': Dr. Stupid. Who else? :''[Ren changes the channel, showing Stimpy as Dr. Stupid.]'' :'''Dr. Stupid''': Today's question is, what is the difference between boogers and goobers? Actually, the difference is merely superficial. These are just two different words that both represent wet things. More specifically, wet things that come from inside your head. :'''Male V.O.''': Thank you, Dr. Stupid. :''[The scene changes back to Ren and Stimpy in the spittoon.]'' :'''Ren''': ''[chuckles]'' Wet things that come from your... '''''"HOELS"'''''. ["holes"] <hr width=50%> :'''Stimpy''': Don’t put those horrible chemicals in your hair, Ren. :'''Ren''': Why? :'''Stimpy''': ''[Digs for something from under the tub. It’s revealed to be “Farmer Hanky”]'' Here! ''[Closeup of the can]'' Use all natural Farmer Hanky’s shampoo. :'''Ren''': I’d like to try it. <hr width=50%> :'''Man''': Oh, my God! The spitoon’s filled with vermin! ''[Sucks his spit back in and swallows. Cut to another guy, who appears to be sleeping in his own puke]'' :'''Man 2''': That’s disgusting! ''[He sucks the puke back into his head. Another guy sucks in his snot, and a chicken sucks in its eggs. A guy with 1 eye takes the other eye in his glass and sucks it into where his other eye would’ve been. The bartender notices the chaos]'' :'''Juahini''': ''[While a glass breaks]'' Holy crap! ''[Looks around]'' I’m gonna lose all my BUSINESS! ''[Cut to everyone in the spittoon terrified and screaming at Ren and Stimpy, who’s still in the vase]'' I better do something fast! ''[He jumps over and looks at Ren and Stimpy with a cold look. Ren and Stimpy descend into the vase, but the bartender grabs the vase]'' '''Get out of my FUCKING bar you vermin sons of bitches!''' ''[He dumps them outside, and he and the others start spitting at them]'' ===Ren Seeks Help=== :'''Stimpy''': ААААААААААААААНННННН!!! (Cries. The screen zooms out to reveal Ren, watching him. Stimpy then looks over to him and points at him) You '''''<span style="color:red;">MONSTER!</span>''''' How can you say... those horrible things... to '''''MEEEEEEEEEEEEAEAEAEAEAEA?!?!''''' ''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! (He cries again. He starts pounding his fists on the bed while Ren looks at the camera. Ren turns into a first class heel)' "You son of a bitch...!" (Ren tries to console him) :'''Ren''': I'm sorry, Stimpy. I don't know why I do these things to you. I'm just a '''''pig!''''' :'''Stimpy''': ''[crying]'' Oh, you bastard! :'''Ren''': '''''Please''''' forgive me! :'''Stimpy''': Don't you touch me, you BEAST! (He crouches down) "Forgive me"...those empty words! That's all they are! No...not THIS time. You've gone TOO FAR this time, Ren! АААААААААННН!!! (He cries even more) :'''Ren''': I know I'm insane, Stimpy. I know I can't control my vile urges! But this time, I'll do something about it! I'll seek help. (He looks over to Stimpy, who cried so much now that the floor is flooded) I'll do it for you! :''[Stimpy stops crying, and dramatically turns to Ren.]'' :'''Stimpy''': Don't do it for me...DON'T DO IT FOR ME...Do it...for YOURSELF! (Breathes heavily) АААААААААНН!!! (He sobs as Ren sadly walks away) I'm gonna kill you... (Ren walks to the door and looks one last time before opening the door, which releases all the water out. still crying as he exits) ААААААААННН!!! (Cut to Ren outside the house, slowly walking away from it. He tears up as he hears scream one last time) АААААААААННН!! (The roof of the house gets shot up and a few windows break as he screams, and he resumes crying. Ren covers his ears from the noise and then gets even more teary-eyed. He slowly begins walking away as we see him walk past some cows, a few streets, and a street with a bunch of rubberhose-styled characters in the background. We fade to him walking from a different angle as it appears to be sunset, and then fade again to him walking through an alleyway. We fade again to a pan down of the alleyway as we see Ren walk towards the screen, kicking a can while doing so. It then fades to him walking towards the help center. He looks up and then resumes walking. He opens the door and enters inside. We fade to him going up an elevator, as he opens the door and continues walking. As he walks, we see a sign that says stuff like “YAK’S HEAD IMPORTS” and “HELP”. We then cut to Ren at the door, which says “Dr. Mr. Horse Professional” on it. He opens the door, and we see Mr. Horse at his desk, smoking a pipe. Ren walks towards his desk, as Mr. Horse looks down at him.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Ren''': I'm a terrible person, doc. I'm mean to everybody and I'm especially mean to those who love me the most. I've got issues! But I'm not crazy or anything! :'''Dr. Mr. Horse''': Of course not, Mr. Hoek. Let's just calm down. It's perfectly normal to be nervous talking to a professional. Now relax and we'll see just how sick you really are, shall we? :'''Ren''': Okay. <hr width=50%> :'''Ren's Dad''': Son, did you mangle this poor frog? :'''Ren''': No. :'''Ren's Dad''': Look at me when I'm talking to you! <hr width=50%> :'''Frog''': You're not gonna kill me? :'''Ren''': Does it still hurt? :'''Frog''': Oh God yes! My every nerve is on fire! :'''Ren''': Have a wonderful life! <hr width=50%> :'''Ren''': That was the last time I ever heard of that frog. And then, it’s a bit-a fuzzy. ''[Scratches his head while saying this]'' But soon came the onset of…”poo-perty”. And I met Stimpy. What a silly eediot. Why, I remember the first time I slapped Stimpy. He hardly even felt it. ''[Clenches his fists]'' So I hit him harder, and '''HARDER…''' but he wouldn’t go down! ''[Record scratch as we cut to Mr. Horse. Ren calms down and lays back on the couch and smiles. Cut again to Mr. Horse, who still has his notepad]'' :'''Dr. Mr. Horse''': ''[While writing on his notepad]'' This uh, Stimpy fellow. Do you love him? ''[Ren suddenly gets angry]'' :'''Ren''': No! Don’t speak to me of '''LOVE!''' ''[Mr. Horse looks back to the screen. The next shot depicts Mr. Horse with a realistic head]'' I loathe the word! ''[He lays back down as Mr. Horse goes back to his regular form]'' Anyways, it’s not like that. He is my friend. Just a friend :'''Dr. Mr. Horse''': ''[Grunts]'' Tell me more about this, uh, Stimpy fellow. ''[Ren holds on to the couch]'' :'''Ren''': Well…lately, I have been beating Stimpy mercilessly. Today I did something…so horrible…even for '''ME!''' :'''Dr. Mr. Horse''': ''[Moves closer to Ren]'' What did you do, Mr. Höek? :'''Ren''': ''[Hides his face]'' I don’t want to talk about it :'''Dr. Mr. Horse''': Come on, Mr. Höek. It’s time to dig. Dig it out for me. ''[Scene cuts to zoom in to their eyes]'' What did you do to Stimpy? :'''Ren''': Well…okay. ''[Gestures Mr. Horse to come closer. He then whispers in his ear about what he did]'' And then… ''[Whispers more into Mr. Horse’s ear]'' And then I… ''[Whispers very close to his ear]'' And finally I… ''[Shoves his head into his ear and whispers. Mr. Horse gets a scared look on his face as Ren finishes. Mr. Horse moves away as Ren sighs in relief. We cut to Mr. Horse with an old guy holding a carrot. He hands him the carrot, which he eats]'' :'''Guy''': Easy girl, easy. :''[Ren has told Dr. Mr. Horse what he did to Stimpy.]'' :'''Ren''': Well doc, I certainly feel better now that I've got that off of my chest. So what do you think is wrong with me? :'''Dr. Mr. Horse''': You want to know what's wrong with you. ''[Ren nods]'' Do you really want to know what's wrong with you? I'll tell you what's wrong with you. ''[punches Ren in the face]'' YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY! ''THAT'S'' WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU! :'''Ren''': Crazy?! :'''Dr. Mr. Horse''': That's right! You need to be locked up, away from decent, normal people! What kind of a lunatic are you!? You just walk up to strangers on the street and tell them "Hey mister, you wanna hear some sick stories of my twisted youth?"?! :'''Ren''': I don't understand! I came to you for help! I bared my soul to you! I told you all my darkest secrets! And now you tell me I'm crazy?! <big><big>'''''<span style="color:red;">WHAT KIND OF A PSYCHOLOGIST ARE YOU?!</span>'''''</big></big> :'''Dr. Mr. Horse''': Psychologist?! Are you nuts?! I'm a [[w:domestic horse|horse]]! You crazy son of a bitch! I'm gonna beat the living hell out of you! ''[He starts punching Ren in the face. Eventually Ren dodges and looks around and grabs a telephone, which he uses to smack Mr. Horse in the face. Ren then jumps him and starts to scratch him. Mr Horse frantically tries to get the gun from earlier, but the gun drops on the floor. Ren bites his arm, but then notices the gun. He grabs it and starts to violently beat Mr. Horse with it. He smacks him with it for a bit until Mr. Horse goes unconscious. We hear sirens in the background as Ren gets exhausted. Soon, the looney bin guys come in as they see that Ren has fully gone mad, with fiz coming from his mouth. One of the guys tries to get him, but Ren rips his hand off and eats it. The other guy ends up catching him with the stick as Ren squirms around violently. The guys walk off, with the guy whose hand got ripped off bleeding. We pan over to the window as we see Ren in the truck, spazzing and going insane. The truck drives off, and inside, we see the frog from earlier enter. He crawls over to the gun and puts it in his mouth. After a few attempts, he pulls the trigger and his brains get blown out. He sheds a tear as the episode irises out. We end on a Looney Tunes parody card with Ren, Stimpy, Mr. Horse, the frog, and the handless guy, which says “That’s it Folks!”]'' ===Fire Dogs 2=== :'''Ren''': We made it, Stimpy! No more eating filthy socks out of garbage cans! No more destitute living! We've arrived! We're gonna be wheels! We'll be running the firehouse! Living high on the hog! :''[Ren and Stimpy celebrate by dancing and playing flute music.]'' :'''Ren''': And all because the chief loves us! <hr width=50%> :'''Fire Chief''': Pals like to punch each other, right? ''[Stimpy nods and Ren shakes his head; the Fire Chief lets his stomach out onto the table, knocking their plates to the floor with a crash]'' Go ahead Eddie, give it your best shot! <hr width=50%> :'''Ren''': How many partners are there that are best friends, too? Right, partner? :''[The fire chief is reminded of his older partners, and becomes emotional.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': ''[yelling]'' Screw you, Charlie! Screw you, Lucy! ''[sadly]'' Do you love me, Tommy? Tommy, do you love me? :'''Stimpy''': He loves you. Tommy loves you, Chief. :'''Fire Chief''': SHUT UP! I wanna hear it from Tommy's lips. :''[Ren speaks in a strained voice as Stimpy moves his lips.]'' :'''Ren''': I... love... you... :'''Fire Chief''': Good! <hr width=50%> :''[The fire chief is unable to flush his poop down the toilet.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': Yikes! Hey, fellas, get rid of this thing! My date's gonna be here any minute! :'''Stimpy''': Yes, sir! I'm on that. :''[Stimpy starts plunging the toilet. The fire chief hears his date's car outside.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': Cripes, she's here! :''[Stimpy plunges the toilet faster.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': Get rid of it quick, Eddie! You don't want to make me look bad in front of my date, do ya?! :''[The fire chief hears the elevator coming up.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': Kill it! She's gettin' outta the elevator! Take care of it, Eddie, hurry up! :''[Stimpy tries to plunge the toilet even harder. The fire chief hears the doorbell and panics.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': She's here! She's at the door! FLUSH IT, FLUSH IT! FLUSH IT, YOU IDIOT! :''[Stimpy throws the plunger away and tries to flush the toilet, but it doesn't work either.]'' :'''Stimpy''': I can't! It doesn't wanna go! :'''Fire Chief''': Smash it down, asshole! :''[Stimpy falls from the chain and falls flat on the toilet.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': '''''DO SOMETHING, DO SOMETHING, DO SOMETHING!!!''''' SMASH IT! KILL IT! KILL IT! :''[The fire chief frantically growls at Stimpy as he tries other methods to get rid of the poop, but it's no use. Just then, the chief's date knocks at the door and rings the doorbell, making him even more frantic.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': Get rid of it now, or I'll cut you down to 10 percent! :''[Ren is horrified upon hearing this. The chief's date knocks on the door again.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': 5 PERCENT! :''[Ren starts panicking. The chief's date continues ringing the doorbell.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': '''''2 PERCENT!!!''''' :'''Ren''': ''[screams at Stimpy]'' Do something, you eediot, or we'll lose everything! :''[Having no other choice, Stimpy pulls the poop out of the toilet with his hands.]'' :'''Ren''': Stimpy, how big is that thing?! :'''Stimpy''': It's bigger than a baby, Ren! :''[Stimpy runs off with the poop.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': Atta boy, Tommy, go! Not the front door, you idiot! Use the fire escape! Go, go, go, go, go! <hr width=50%> :''[The fire chief wakes up in the middle of the night.]'' :'''Fire Chief''': ''[screams; panicking]'' Circus midgets! They're everywhere! Pull 'em off me, daddy! I can't stand 'em! They're crawlin' on me! They're eatin' me alive! Aah, aah! Pull 'em off me! <hr width=50%> :'''Fire Chief''': I love you guys. You're fired. ===Naked Beach Frenzy=== :'''Stimpy''': Wow, Ren! What a great idea you had to come to the beach today. I didn’t know you’re in to such clean, wholesome fun. ===Altruists=== :'''Stimpy''': I'm not afraid of anything living. But when it comes to spooks, them spooks give me the heebie-jeebies! :'''Ren''': Stimpy! :'''Stimpy''': ''[Takes a step forward, holding the cross up forward]'' You can’t hurt me! :'''Ren''': Oh, Stimpy! :'''Stimpy''': ''[Takes another step forward]'' I’m not afraid of you! ''[Swipes his cross]'' Get ‘em, Jesus! :'''Ren''': What the hell are you doing up there?! :'''Stimpy''': Away-ko! Away-ka-bo! :'''Ren''': Stimpy, if you don’t get over here this instant…! :'''Stimpy''': Go away, spooks! ''[Swipes his cross]'' :'''Ren''': I’m gonna make you wish you were dead! ''[Stimpy gasps again as we cut back to Ren looking through the pipe]'' <hr width=50%> ===Stimpy’s Pregnant=== :'''Ren''': You eediot! You woke me up in the middle of a perfect dream! :'''Stimpy''': Don't you lay a hand on me. Not in my condition. :'''Ren''': Condition? What condition? :'''Stimpy''': I've been trying to figure out how to tell you! :'''Ren''': Tell me '''''what?!''''' Spit it out, man! :'''Stimpy''': I'm gonna have your... '''''BABY!!!''''' :'''Ren''': '''''WHAAAAAT?!''''' I'll take care of that! :''[Ren finds a coat hanger and attempts to use it on Stimpy.]'' :'''Stimpy''': ''[screams]'' Don't you '''''DARE''''' put that nasty instrument in me! :'''Ren''': You said you used protection! :'''Stimpy''': I thought I was barren! You must have powerful seed! ''[crying]'' FORGIVE ME, REN! :'''Ren''': Get away from me! Sorceress! ''[turns away from Stimpy]'' Crap! Crap! Crap! We haven't had a job... in six '''''years!''''' What are we going to raise him on? '''''KITTY LITTER?!''''' <hr width=50%> :'''Stimpy''': Calm down, Ren. :'''Ren''': Calm down?! CALM DOWN?! '''''YOU ASK ME TO CALM DOWN?!''''' You're the one that's p-p-p... POISONED! :'''Stimpy''': Poisoned? Is that what you call it? That poison is our lovechild. Just think, Ren. It could be a little you running around here. <hr width=50%> :'''Ren''': Stimpy, there are millions of people watching you! Be decent! :''[Stimpy tries to hide his stomach, but exposes his breasts instead.]'' :'''Ren''': Eek! This is a family network! <hr width=50%> :'''Ren''': Make way for new life! ==See also== * ''[[The Ren & Stimpy Show]]'' ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:The Ren & Stimpy Show]] [[Category:2000s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s Canadian adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American sitcoms]] [[Category:American adult animated TV spin-offs]] [[Category:Canadian animated TV spin-offs]] [[Category:Flash adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian adult animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Canadian animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Paramount Network shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about cats]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] 8flav9b0kcnyo4gobxjau730m9fw87y 0 212088 3949206 3721348 2026-06-05T13:58:10Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949206 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Maggie and the Ferocious Beast|Maggie and the Ferocious Beast]]''''' is a Canadian [[w:Animated series|animated]] [[w:children's television series|children's television series]] created by [[w:Michael Paraskevas|Michael]] and [[w:Betty Paraskevas|Betty Paraskevas]]. The program was based on the 1996 book ''The Ferocious Beast with the Polka-Dot Hide'' and its sequels, all of which were also written by the Paraskevases. The show was aimed at older children, and tweens, and from ages 4 to 11. The show began as a series of shorts aired on the Canadian channel [[w:Teletoon|Teletoon]] in 1998. The first full length episode premiered on June 5, 2000. ==Theme song== :''[The theme song starts with Maggie's map. Maggie colors the last of Beast's spots and the map begin to shake. The birds fly out of the map and Beast comes to life]'' :'''Maggie''': ''♪ Maggie and the Ferocious Beast in Nowhere Land ♪'' :''♪ To Nowhere Land ♪'' :''♪ Come along if you can. ♪'' :''[Hamilton pops out of his box]'' :'''Maggie''': ''♪ Hey ho, ♪'' :''♪ Come on, let's go ♪'' :''♪ To Nowhere Land. ♪'' :''[Hamilton fell out of his box and Maggie helps him get up]'' :'''Maggie''': ''♪ With Maggie and the Ferocious Beast. ♪'' :'''Beast''': ''[off-screen]'' Great googly moogly! ==Episodes== ===Pack Up Your Troubles / Rub a Dub Dub / The Big Carrot=== ===My One and Only Box / Spot the Spot / Recipe for Trouble=== :'''Maggie''': 1. :'''Hamilton''': 2. :'''Maggie''': 3. :'''Hamilton''': 4. :''[Maggie sees one look of Beast's stomach and thinks for a while]'' :'''Maggie''': ''[sticks her tongue out]'' Hmm. :''[Maggie touches Beast's stomach and tickles him. Beast bursts out a laugh and Maggie also laughs in joy. Hamilton walks to Maggie that she should continue to count]'' :'''Hamilton''': ''[to Maggie that she could keep counting]'' Four, Maggie. :'''Maggie''': ''[laughing; to Hamilton]'' Just a second, Hamilton. :''[Maggie tickles Beast once more as Beast let's out a big laugh]'' :'''Maggie''': ''[laughing]'' Five. :''[Beast keeps laughing as Maggie tickles him]'' ===The Lemonade Stand / Walk the Walk / What's in a Laugh?=== ===Out of Water Beast / Rain, Rain, Come and Stay! / Hamilton the Ham=== ===This Little Pig / Hide and Go Beast/ One, Two, Three=== ===What's In The Bag? / Beastly Picture / The Push-Me Popper=== ===Sun Spots / Say Cheese / Sailing Away=== :'''Maggie''': ''[sighs]'' Aren't you two ready yet? :'''Hamilton''': ''[pops out of his box; to Maggie]'' I'm still packing! :'''Maggie''': But we're just going to the beach. :'''Hamilton''': Well, I don't want to forget anything! ''[went back inside]'' :'''Beast''': ''[to Hamilton]'' Remember to pack my sunglasses, and my sandals, and my favourite blue towel, oh, and my pail and... :'''Maggie''': ''[snapped]'' '''THAT'S ENOUGH!''' Come on, let's go! :'''Hamilton''': ''[comes out of his box carrying his green bag and umbrella]'' All right, all right! ''[throws the bag and it lands on Beast's back]'' I'm ready. :''[Hamilton puts his umbrella on Beast and climbs up. He gets his umbrella and Beast turns to a different direction. Maggie hops on Beast and she's also ready]'' :'''Maggie''': To the beach! :'''Beast and Hamilton''': To the beach! :''[The trio leaves Hamilton's box and they all head to the beach]'' <hr width=50% /> :''[When they got to the beach; Maggie plants the umbrella and puts it on this spot. Hamilton, however got the green towel out of the bag and puts it on the sandy beach. He gets out a bottle of sunscreen and squirts it on his hand. Hamilton puts some sunscreen on and so does Maggie]'' :'''Beast''': ''[runs to the water]'' I'm going in! :''[Two seagulls are playing volleyball until they see Beast coming. They quickly flew away before Beast crashes into them. Beast jumps in to the water]'' :'''Maggie''': ''[to Beast]'' Don't forget to put on some sun block! :'''Beast''': I don't like that stuff. It smells funny. :'''Maggie''': But you should still put it on! ''[holds the sunscreen bottle]'' :'''Beast''': I will after I swim, okay? :'''Maggie''': Okay, but don't forget. ===Three Little Ghosts / The King of Nowhere Land / The Big Scare=== ===Hamilton's Pet / Slooow Motion / The Big Duck=== ===Flim-Flam-A Fiddle / A Beastly Garden / Spring Cleaning=== :'''Beast''': ''[sees one of his spots stuck in Hamilton's vacuum cleaner]'' My spot! :'''Hamilton''': My vacuum cleaner! :'''Maggie''': ''[covering her ears]'' My ears! ===Mr. Shivers / Nap Time / Up, Up, and Away=== ===Louder! Louder! / Once Upon a Time / Maggie the Mommy=== ===Hamilton's Box Car / Happy Birthday to All of Us / The Really Big Show=== :'''Beast''': ''[sees Maggie coming]'' Oh, good, here's Maggie (right now). Now we can go to the beach. ''[waves to Maggie]'' Hi, Maggie! :'''Maggie''': ''[arrives carrying a picnic basket]'' Hi, Beast! Where's Hamilton? ''[hears a squeaking sound]'' And what's that noise? :'''Beast''': ''[shows Maggie the direction to where Hamilton is]'' He's over there. ''[a sawing noise is heard off-screen]'' And he doesn't want to be distributed. :'''Hamilton''': ''[off-screen]'' Hi, Maggie! ''[on-screen holing a hammer]'' I'm making something. :'''Maggie''': May I see it? :'''Hamilton''': ''[rushes to tell his friends that it's a surprise because they can't spoil it]'' No, no! Don't come over here! It's a surprise! ''[went back to work]'' :'''Maggie''': Do you know what it is, Beast? :'''Beast''': ''[yawns]'' No! He's been back there all day. He won't tell me what's he doing, and he won't let me see anything. :'''Maggie''': ''[calls out to Hamilton]'' Come on, Hamilton! Show us what you're making! :'''Hamilton''': ''[off-screen]'' In a minute! ''[finishes his surprise off-screen]'' All right. Get ready. Here I come! ''[on-screen arrives with his box car]'' Vroom! ''[drives his box car]'' Hoo-whee! :'''Beast''': ''[seeing Hamilton driving his box car]'' Great googly moogly. :'''Hamilton''': ''[stops his box car]'' Well, what do you think? :'''Maggie''': Gee, Hamilton, it's beautiful! :'''Hamilton''': Beast, what do you think? :'''Beast''': It's very nice. :'''Maggie''': May I drive it? :'''Hamilton''': Maybe someday, but right now I'm still breaking it in. :'''Maggie''': Oh, all right. ''[walks away]'' <hr width=50% /> :''[when Maggie and Beast got to the beach, Beast doesn't see Hamilton with his box car just yet]'' :'''Beast''': I don't see Hamilton. :'''Maggie''': ''[hops off Beast's back]'' He's probably still driving. ''[takes off her clothes]'' Come on! :''[Maggie takes off her yellow shirt revealing her bathing suit. She laughs for joy and starts taking off her shoes and socks]'' :'''Maggie''': ''[laughing as she runs to the water]'' Whee! :''[Beast looks at two directions and went into the water to join with Maggie]'' ==Cast== * Kristen Bone as Maggie * Stephen Ouimette as Beast * Michael Caruana as Hamilton Hocks ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Treehouse TV shows]] [[Category:Teletoon original series]] [[Category:Nick Jr. shows]] [[Category:Qubo shows]] [[Category:TV shows about pigs]] [[Category:TV shows about mice and rats]] [[Category:TV shows about rabbits and hares]] [[Category:TV shows about cows]] mxu868y2gwm29t5osicbn0evijvwr1b 3949209 3949206 2026-06-05T14:05:32Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949209 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Maggie and the Ferocious Beast|Maggie and the Ferocious Beast]]''''' is a Canadian [[w:Animated series|animated]] [[w:children's television series|children's television series]] created by [[w:Michael Paraskevas|Michael]] and [[w:Betty Paraskevas|Betty Paraskevas]]. The program was based on the 1996 book ''The Ferocious Beast with the Polka-Dot Hide'' and its sequels, all of which were also written by the Paraskevases. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 4 to 11. The show began as a series of shorts aired on the Canadian channel [[w:Teletoon|Teletoon]] in 1998. The first full length episode premiered on June 5, 2000. ==Theme song== :''[The theme song starts with Maggie's map. Maggie colors the last of Beast's spots and the map begin to shake. The birds fly out of the map and Beast comes to life]'' :'''Maggie''': ''♪ Maggie and the Ferocious Beast in Nowhere Land ♪'' :''♪ To Nowhere Land ♪'' :''♪ Come along if you can. ♪'' :''[Hamilton pops out of his box]'' :'''Maggie''': ''♪ Hey ho, ♪'' :''♪ Come on, let's go ♪'' :''♪ To Nowhere Land. ♪'' :''[Hamilton fell out of his box and Maggie helps him get up]'' :'''Maggie''': ''♪ With Maggie and the Ferocious Beast. ♪'' :'''Beast''': ''[off-screen]'' Great googly moogly! ==Episodes== ===Pack Up Your Troubles / Rub a Dub Dub / The Big Carrot=== ===My One and Only Box / Spot the Spot / Recipe for Trouble=== :'''Maggie''': 1. :'''Hamilton''': 2. :'''Maggie''': 3. :'''Hamilton''': 4. :''[Maggie sees one look of Beast's stomach and thinks for a while]'' :'''Maggie''': ''[sticks her tongue out]'' Hmm. :''[Maggie touches Beast's stomach and tickles him. Beast bursts out a laugh and Maggie also laughs in joy. Hamilton walks to Maggie that she should continue to count]'' :'''Hamilton''': ''[to Maggie that she could keep counting]'' Four, Maggie. :'''Maggie''': ''[laughing; to Hamilton]'' Just a second, Hamilton. :''[Maggie tickles Beast once more as Beast let's out a big laugh]'' :'''Maggie''': ''[laughing]'' Five. :''[Beast keeps laughing as Maggie tickles him]'' ===The Lemonade Stand / Walk the Walk / What's in a Laugh?=== ===Out of Water Beast / Rain, Rain, Come and Stay! / Hamilton the Ham=== ===This Little Pig / Hide and Go Beast/ One, Two, Three=== ===What's In The Bag? / Beastly Picture / The Push-Me Popper=== ===Sun Spots / Say Cheese / Sailing Away=== :'''Maggie''': ''[sighs]'' Aren't you two ready yet? :'''Hamilton''': ''[pops out of his box; to Maggie]'' I'm still packing! :'''Maggie''': But we're just going to the beach. :'''Hamilton''': Well, I don't want to forget anything! ''[went back inside]'' :'''Beast''': ''[to Hamilton]'' Remember to pack my sunglasses, and my sandals, and my favourite blue towel, oh, and my pail and... :'''Maggie''': ''[snapped]'' '''THAT'S ENOUGH!''' Come on, let's go! :'''Hamilton''': ''[comes out of his box carrying his green bag and umbrella]'' All right, all right! ''[throws the bag and it lands on Beast's back]'' I'm ready. :''[Hamilton puts his umbrella on Beast and climbs up. He gets his umbrella and Beast turns to a different direction. Maggie hops on Beast and she's also ready]'' :'''Maggie''': To the beach! :'''Beast and Hamilton''': To the beach! :''[The trio leaves Hamilton's box and they all head to the beach]'' <hr width=50% /> :''[When they got to the beach; Maggie plants the umbrella and puts it on this spot. Hamilton, however got the green towel out of the bag and puts it on the sandy beach. He gets out a bottle of sunscreen and squirts it on his hand. Hamilton puts some sunscreen on and so does Maggie]'' :'''Beast''': ''[runs to the water]'' I'm going in! :''[Two seagulls are playing volleyball until they see Beast coming. They quickly flew away before Beast crashes into them. Beast jumps in to the water]'' :'''Maggie''': ''[to Beast]'' Don't forget to put on some sun block! :'''Beast''': I don't like that stuff. It smells funny. :'''Maggie''': But you should still put it on! ''[holds the sunscreen bottle]'' :'''Beast''': I will after I swim, okay? :'''Maggie''': Okay, but don't forget. ===Three Little Ghosts / The King of Nowhere Land / The Big Scare=== ===Hamilton's Pet / Slooow Motion / The Big Duck=== ===Flim-Flam-A Fiddle / A Beastly Garden / Spring Cleaning=== :'''Beast''': ''[sees one of his spots stuck in Hamilton's vacuum cleaner]'' My spot! :'''Hamilton''': My vacuum cleaner! :'''Maggie''': ''[covering her ears]'' My ears! ===Mr. Shivers / Nap Time / Up, Up, and Away=== ===Louder! Louder! / Once Upon a Time / Maggie the Mommy=== ===Hamilton's Box Car / Happy Birthday to All of Us / The Really Big Show=== :'''Beast''': ''[sees Maggie coming]'' Oh, good, here's Maggie (right now). Now we can go to the beach. ''[waves to Maggie]'' Hi, Maggie! :'''Maggie''': ''[arrives carrying a picnic basket]'' Hi, Beast! Where's Hamilton? ''[hears a squeaking sound]'' And what's that noise? :'''Beast''': ''[shows Maggie the direction to where Hamilton is]'' He's over there. ''[a sawing noise is heard off-screen]'' And he doesn't want to be distributed. :'''Hamilton''': ''[off-screen]'' Hi, Maggie! ''[on-screen holing a hammer]'' I'm making something. :'''Maggie''': May I see it? :'''Hamilton''': ''[rushes to tell his friends that it's a surprise because they can't spoil it]'' No, no! Don't come over here! It's a surprise! ''[went back to work]'' :'''Maggie''': Do you know what it is, Beast? :'''Beast''': ''[yawns]'' No! He's been back there all day. He won't tell me what's he doing, and he won't let me see anything. :'''Maggie''': ''[calls out to Hamilton]'' Come on, Hamilton! Show us what you're making! :'''Hamilton''': ''[off-screen]'' In a minute! ''[finishes his surprise off-screen]'' All right. Get ready. Here I come! ''[on-screen arrives with his box car]'' Vroom! ''[drives his box car]'' Hoo-whee! :'''Beast''': ''[seeing Hamilton driving his box car]'' Great googly moogly. :'''Hamilton''': ''[stops his box car]'' Well, what do you think? :'''Maggie''': Gee, Hamilton, it's beautiful! :'''Hamilton''': Beast, what do you think? :'''Beast''': It's very nice. :'''Maggie''': May I drive it? :'''Hamilton''': Maybe someday, but right now I'm still breaking it in. :'''Maggie''': Oh, all right. ''[walks away]'' <hr width=50% /> :''[when Maggie and Beast got to the beach, Beast doesn't see Hamilton with his box car just yet]'' :'''Beast''': I don't see Hamilton. :'''Maggie''': ''[hops off Beast's back]'' He's probably still driving. ''[takes off her clothes]'' Come on! :''[Maggie takes off her yellow shirt revealing her bathing suit. She laughs for joy and starts taking off her shoes and socks]'' :'''Maggie''': ''[laughing as she runs to the water]'' Whee! :''[Beast looks at two directions and went into the water to join with Maggie]'' ==Cast== * Kristen Bone as Maggie * Stephen Ouimette as Beast * Michael Caruana as Hamilton Hocks ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Treehouse TV shows]] [[Category:Teletoon original series]] [[Category:Nick Jr. shows]] [[Category:Qubo shows]] [[Category:TV shows about pigs]] [[Category:TV shows about mice and rats]] [[Category:TV shows about rabbits and hares]] [[Category:TV shows about cows]] 0hg9oosphoxxrzbjgkw1injodrqia3d 3949210 3949209 2026-06-05T14:05:47Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949210 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Maggie and the Ferocious Beast|Maggie and the Ferocious Beast]]''''' is a Canadian-American [[w:Animated series|animated]] [[w:children's television series|children's television series]] created by [[w:Michael Paraskevas|Michael]] and [[w:Betty Paraskevas|Betty Paraskevas]]. The program was based on the 1996 book ''The Ferocious Beast with the Polka-Dot Hide'' and its sequels, all of which were also written by the Paraskevases. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 4 to 11. The show began as a series of shorts aired on the Canadian channel [[w:Teletoon|Teletoon]] in 1998. The first full length episode premiered on June 5, 2000. ==Theme song== :''[The theme song starts with Maggie's map. Maggie colors the last of Beast's spots and the map begin to shake. The birds fly out of the map and Beast comes to life]'' :'''Maggie''': ''♪ Maggie and the Ferocious Beast in Nowhere Land ♪'' :''♪ To Nowhere Land ♪'' :''♪ Come along if you can. ♪'' :''[Hamilton pops out of his box]'' :'''Maggie''': ''♪ Hey ho, ♪'' :''♪ Come on, let's go ♪'' :''♪ To Nowhere Land. ♪'' :''[Hamilton fell out of his box and Maggie helps him get up]'' :'''Maggie''': ''♪ With Maggie and the Ferocious Beast. ♪'' :'''Beast''': ''[off-screen]'' Great googly moogly! ==Episodes== ===Pack Up Your Troubles / Rub a Dub Dub / The Big Carrot=== ===My One and Only Box / Spot the Spot / Recipe for Trouble=== :'''Maggie''': 1. :'''Hamilton''': 2. :'''Maggie''': 3. :'''Hamilton''': 4. :''[Maggie sees one look of Beast's stomach and thinks for a while]'' :'''Maggie''': ''[sticks her tongue out]'' Hmm. :''[Maggie touches Beast's stomach and tickles him. Beast bursts out a laugh and Maggie also laughs in joy. Hamilton walks to Maggie that she should continue to count]'' :'''Hamilton''': ''[to Maggie that she could keep counting]'' Four, Maggie. :'''Maggie''': ''[laughing; to Hamilton]'' Just a second, Hamilton. :''[Maggie tickles Beast once more as Beast let's out a big laugh]'' :'''Maggie''': ''[laughing]'' Five. :''[Beast keeps laughing as Maggie tickles him]'' ===The Lemonade Stand / Walk the Walk / What's in a Laugh?=== ===Out of Water Beast / Rain, Rain, Come and Stay! / Hamilton the Ham=== ===This Little Pig / Hide and Go Beast/ One, Two, Three=== ===What's In The Bag? / Beastly Picture / The Push-Me Popper=== ===Sun Spots / Say Cheese / Sailing Away=== :'''Maggie''': ''[sighs]'' Aren't you two ready yet? :'''Hamilton''': ''[pops out of his box; to Maggie]'' I'm still packing! :'''Maggie''': But we're just going to the beach. :'''Hamilton''': Well, I don't want to forget anything! ''[went back inside]'' :'''Beast''': ''[to Hamilton]'' Remember to pack my sunglasses, and my sandals, and my favourite blue towel, oh, and my pail and... :'''Maggie''': ''[snapped]'' '''THAT'S ENOUGH!''' Come on, let's go! :'''Hamilton''': ''[comes out of his box carrying his green bag and umbrella]'' All right, all right! ''[throws the bag and it lands on Beast's back]'' I'm ready. :''[Hamilton puts his umbrella on Beast and climbs up. He gets his umbrella and Beast turns to a different direction. Maggie hops on Beast and she's also ready]'' :'''Maggie''': To the beach! :'''Beast and Hamilton''': To the beach! :''[The trio leaves Hamilton's box and they all head to the beach]'' <hr width=50% /> :''[When they got to the beach; Maggie plants the umbrella and puts it on this spot. Hamilton, however got the green towel out of the bag and puts it on the sandy beach. He gets out a bottle of sunscreen and squirts it on his hand. Hamilton puts some sunscreen on and so does Maggie]'' :'''Beast''': ''[runs to the water]'' I'm going in! :''[Two seagulls are playing volleyball until they see Beast coming. They quickly flew away before Beast crashes into them. Beast jumps in to the water]'' :'''Maggie''': ''[to Beast]'' Don't forget to put on some sun block! :'''Beast''': I don't like that stuff. It smells funny. :'''Maggie''': But you should still put it on! ''[holds the sunscreen bottle]'' :'''Beast''': I will after I swim, okay? :'''Maggie''': Okay, but don't forget. ===Three Little Ghosts / The King of Nowhere Land / The Big Scare=== ===Hamilton's Pet / Slooow Motion / The Big Duck=== ===Flim-Flam-A Fiddle / A Beastly Garden / Spring Cleaning=== :'''Beast''': ''[sees one of his spots stuck in Hamilton's vacuum cleaner]'' My spot! :'''Hamilton''': My vacuum cleaner! :'''Maggie''': ''[covering her ears]'' My ears! ===Mr. Shivers / Nap Time / Up, Up, and Away=== ===Louder! Louder! / Once Upon a Time / Maggie the Mommy=== ===Hamilton's Box Car / Happy Birthday to All of Us / The Really Big Show=== :'''Beast''': ''[sees Maggie coming]'' Oh, good, here's Maggie (right now). Now we can go to the beach. ''[waves to Maggie]'' Hi, Maggie! :'''Maggie''': ''[arrives carrying a picnic basket]'' Hi, Beast! Where's Hamilton? ''[hears a squeaking sound]'' And what's that noise? :'''Beast''': ''[shows Maggie the direction to where Hamilton is]'' He's over there. ''[a sawing noise is heard off-screen]'' And he doesn't want to be distributed. :'''Hamilton''': ''[off-screen]'' Hi, Maggie! ''[on-screen holing a hammer]'' I'm making something. :'''Maggie''': May I see it? :'''Hamilton''': ''[rushes to tell his friends that it's a surprise because they can't spoil it]'' No, no! Don't come over here! It's a surprise! ''[went back to work]'' :'''Maggie''': Do you know what it is, Beast? :'''Beast''': ''[yawns]'' No! He's been back there all day. He won't tell me what's he doing, and he won't let me see anything. :'''Maggie''': ''[calls out to Hamilton]'' Come on, Hamilton! Show us what you're making! :'''Hamilton''': ''[off-screen]'' In a minute! ''[finishes his surprise off-screen]'' All right. Get ready. Here I come! ''[on-screen arrives with his box car]'' Vroom! ''[drives his box car]'' Hoo-whee! :'''Beast''': ''[seeing Hamilton driving his box car]'' Great googly moogly. :'''Hamilton''': ''[stops his box car]'' Well, what do you think? :'''Maggie''': Gee, Hamilton, it's beautiful! :'''Hamilton''': Beast, what do you think? :'''Beast''': It's very nice. :'''Maggie''': May I drive it? :'''Hamilton''': Maybe someday, but right now I'm still breaking it in. :'''Maggie''': Oh, all right. ''[walks away]'' <hr width=50% /> :''[when Maggie and Beast got to the beach, Beast doesn't see Hamilton with his box car just yet]'' :'''Beast''': I don't see Hamilton. :'''Maggie''': ''[hops off Beast's back]'' He's probably still driving. ''[takes off her clothes]'' Come on! :''[Maggie takes off her yellow shirt revealing her bathing suit. She laughs for joy and starts taking off her shoes and socks]'' :'''Maggie''': ''[laughing as she runs to the water]'' Whee! :''[Beast looks at two directions and went into the water to join with Maggie]'' ==Cast== * Kristen Bone as Maggie * Stephen Ouimette as Beast * Michael Caruana as Hamilton Hocks ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Treehouse TV shows]] [[Category:Teletoon original series]] [[Category:Nick Jr. shows]] [[Category:Qubo shows]] [[Category:TV shows about pigs]] [[Category:TV shows about mice and rats]] [[Category:TV shows about rabbits and hares]] [[Category:TV shows about cows]] ks2zj9edkwojge31zty2terzfq27g05 0 212950 3949492 3909794 2026-06-06T08:21:14Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Dialogue */ 3949492 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] (2002) / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] (November 22, 2002: Theatrical) / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] (May 30, 2003: Theatrical) / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] (October 17, 2003: Theatrical) / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] (November 7, 2008; Theatrical) / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] (November 13, 2009: Theatrical) / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] (2010) / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] (2011) / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Big Top Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] (November 22, 2013; Theatrical) / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] (November 2, 2014; Theatrical) / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''{{w|Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery}}''''' is a 2013 direct-to-DVD animated comedy mystery film, and the 22nd film in the direct-to-video series of Scooby-Doo films. It is a co-production between Warner Bros. Animation and WWE Studios. The film features Scooby and the gang solving a mystery at WrestleMania. It was released on on March 25, 2014 by Warner Home Video. == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === === {{w|Fred Jones}} === === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === ==Dialogue== :'''Vince McMahon''': Let's try to remain calm here. We don't want to jump to any crazy conclusions. :'''Both''': Mr. McMahon! :'''Shaggy''': Like in the flesh. I can't believe I'm face to face with Vinnie Mac. :'''Scooby''': The Boss! :'''Shaggy''': The Higher Power! :'''Scooby''': The Mac Attack! :'''Shaggy''': The Mac Daddy! :'''Scooby''': The Daddy Mac! :'''McMahon''': Yes. ''[clears throat]'' Thanks for that trip down memory lane. <hr width=50%> :'''Daphne''': Um... exactly how many more play by play Scooby Snack attacks do we have to endure before WWE City? :'''Shaggy''': Like, we brought everything we had. Scooby and I need to keep our energy up so we can cheer like crazy at the main event. :'''Velma''': There's so many boxes, I can't even see the luggage. :'''Shaggy''': Luggage? :'''Both''': You didn't pack the luggage?! :'''Scooby-Doo''': Uh-oh! :'''Daphne''': Of all the food induced insane things you two have done, this absolutely takes the cake. :'''Both''': Mmm... cake! :'''Daphne''': I mean it! :'''Shaggy''': Like, what's the big deal? We all wear the same outfits every single day anyway. <hr width=50%> :''[Fred, Daphne, Velma and McMahon walk on the flattened ring. Fred approaches the motionless Ghost Bear]'' :'''Fred''': Now let's see who the Ghost Bear ''really'' is. :''[Fred removes the Ghost Bear mask revealing Cookie. The crowd gasps in surprise]'' :'''John''': Cookie?! :'''McMahon''': Cookie?! :'''All''': Cookie?! :'''Ruben''': Uncle Cookie! Why? WWE is your life. :'''Velma''': WWE ''was'' his life. But sadly, your Uncle Cookie never got the glory. :'''Daphne''': And his injury put him out of the spotlight. :'''Fred''': Permanently. :'''Daphne''': He started to truly resent WWE because he knew he could never be the champion he always dreamed of being. :'''Velma''': That resentment grew into hatred over the years, as he trained others to be what he could not. :'''Fred''': That's when he developed his plan for revenge. :''[Flashbacks show Cookie in a suit of the Ghost Bear, scenes of Scooby stealing the belt and the chaos from throughout the movie]'' :'''Daphne''': But that wouldn't be enough. He needed a pawn to steal the championship belt. :'''Velma''': That's when he devised the idea of hacking into a video game and placing post-hypnotic suggestions into it. :'''Daphne''': That game would become part of a contest, which Cookie set up with fake emails he sent throughout WWE. :'''Velma''': That's why he used the bear to attack your video game studio. To cover his tracks. :'''Fred''': The contest assured that only the most skilled pawn would arrive at WWE City to aid in the theft. Cookie then used flashing lights to activate Scooby's post-hypnotic programming. :'''Daphne''': When Cookie identified the belt in Scooby's bed as the ''championship'' belt, he was lying. He'd already switched them. :'''Velma''': With Scooby taking the blame, Cookie was free to carry out his ultimate plan. :'''Fred''': Which was to turn out the lights, and with the help of the bear, create so much panic and injury... :''[The Ghost Bear runs toward our view. Back in reality]'' :'''Fred''': ...That WrestleMania would be completely ruined and WWE would never recover. :'''John''': But thanks to Fred here, we got the lights back on pretty quick. Good work! :''[He hits Fred's back with his hand]'' :'''Fred''': Ah, um, thanks. :''[Daphne puts her hand on Fred's shoulder]'' :'''McMahon''': And the real championship belt, where is it now? :'''Velma''': Elementary, Mr. McMahon. Cookie is wearing it. :''[John opens the Ghost Bear suit's chest and pulls the real championship belt off Cookie]'' :'''John''': Sorry, Cookie. The championship belt isn't for cheaters, it's for champions. :''[He raises his hand showing the championship belt to the cheering crowd. Richards faces McMahon]'' :'''Richards''': Good call, hiring these kids, sir. I thought they might come in handy. :'''McMahon''': ''[annoyed]'' Just get Cookie out of here! :'''Richards''': ''[scared]'' Yes, sir. Will do, sir. You bet. :''[She motions the officers as if to say, "Take him away, boys."]'' :'''Velma''': A championship belt was the icing on the cake, Mr. McMahon. Cookie could live off its golden jewels for the rest of his life. :''[As John gives McMahon the belt, the crowd boos Cookie as he is taken into custody]'' :'''Cookie''': ''[last words, enraged]'' And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids, and your game crazy dog! ==Cast== * [[Frank Welker]] — [[Scooby-Doo]], [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] * [[w:Mindy Cohn|Mindy Cohn]] — [[Velma Dinkley]] * [[w:Grey Griffin|Grey Griffin]] — [[Daphne Blake]] * [[w:Matthew Lillard|Matthew Lillard]] — [[Shaggy Rogers]] * [[Charlie Dutton]] — Cookie * [[Fred Tatasciore]] — Ghost Bear * [[Mary McCormack]] — Ms. Richards * [[John Cena]] — Himself * [[A.J. Lee]] — Herself * [[Santino Marella]] — Himself * [[The Miz]] — Himself * [[Triple H]] — Himself * [[Michael Cole]] — Himself * [[Mr. McMahon]] — Himself * [[Brodus Clay]] — Himself * [[Glenn Jacobs]] — Himself * [[Corey Burton]] — Bayard, WWE Announcer * [[Bumper Robinson]] — Ruben ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} {{Scooby-Doo}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2014 animated films]] [[Category:2010s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated mystery films]] [[Category:Animated sports films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:Animated films about revenge]] [[Category:Crossover films]] [[Category:Crossover animated films]] kqjrv90afu4mtk9jdu563cgj6hbwokk 0 212951 3949495 3817404 2026-06-06T08:23:44Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Dialogue */ 3949495 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''{{w|Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon}}''''' in 101 minutes is a 2016 direct-to-DVD animated comedy mystery racing film, and the twenty-seventh entry in the direct-to-video series of Scooby-Doo films. It is a co-production between Warner Bros. Animation and WWE Studios. The film is a direct sequel to ''[[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]]''. It premiered at San Diego Comic-Con on July 23, 2016, followed by a digital release on July 26, 2016. == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === === {{w|Fred Jones}} === === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === ==Dialogue== :'''The Undertaker''': Time for a new plan. :'''Shaggy''': Is it, like, go somewhere and hide? :'''Scooby-Doo''': Yeah, that could work. :'''The Undertaker''': As my official teammates, it's time for the two of you to get up here and drive this course like you've never driven before. :'''Shaggy''': Good, because we haven't! <hr width=50%> :'''The Miz''': Really?! He smells like borscht! <hr width=50%> :'''The Undertaker''': Well, I'll be. You're the 2 that vanquished the Ghost Bear. :'''Scooby-Doo''': Undertaker! :'''Shaggy''': ''[Shaking with Scooby]'' Scared... excited... same time... brain confused! :'''The Undertaker''': Skinny Man and Dead Meat, right? :'''Shaggy''': Like, yeah. But, you can call us Shaggy and Scooby. In fact, you can call us anything you'd like, but please don't put us to a final rest, Mr. Undertaker-Phenom-Dead Man, sir! :''[Shaggy and Scooby shake and whimper more]'' :'''The Undertaker''': The bell tolls only for the Demon. ==Cast== *[[Frank Welker]] - [[w:Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]], [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] *[[w:Matthew Lillard|Matthew Lillard]] - [[w:Shaggy Rogers|Shaggy Rogers]] *[[w:Grey DeLisle|Grey DeLisle]] - [[w:Daphne Blake|Daphne Blake]] *[[w:Kate Micucci|Kate Micucci]] - [[w:Velma Dinkley|Velma Dinkley]] *[[w:The Undertaker|The Undertaker]] - himself *[[w:Triple H|Triple H]] - himself *[[Stephanie McMahon]] - herself *[[w:Dustin Rhodes|Dustin Rhodes]] - himself *[[w:Sheamus|Sheamus]] - himself *[[w:Cody Rhodes|Cody Rhodes]] - himself *[[w:Dusty Rhodes|Dusty Rhodes]] - himself (posthumous role) *[[w:The Miz|The Miz]] - himself *[[w:Saraya Bevis|Saraya Bevis]] - herself *[[w:Primo Colón|Primo Colón]] - himself *[[w:Mascarita Dorada|Mascarita Dorada]] - himself *[[w:Epico Colón|Epico Colón]] - himself *[[w:Lana (wrestler)|Lana]] - herself *[[w:Miro (wrestler)|Miro]] - himself *[[w:Michael Cole (wrestling)|Michael Cole]] - himself *[[Kofi Kingston]] - himself *[[Vince McMahon]] - himself *[[w:Eric Bauza|Eric Bauza]] - Big Earl *[[w:Steve Blum|Steve Blum]] - Inferno *[[w:Phil Morris (actor)|Phil Morris]] - Walter Qualls ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Scooby-Doo}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2016 animated films]] [[Category:2010s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated mystery films]] [[Category:Animated sports films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:Sequel films]] den55mpgfrsvee29ct48cnaqjdsi4no 0 213007 3949499 3904723 2026-06-06T09:06:23Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Dialogue */ 3949499 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''{{w|Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur}}''''' is a 2011 direct-to-DVD animated comedy mystery film; the sixteenth direct-to-video movie based upon the Scooby-Doo Saturday morning cartoons, the film was released on September 6, 2011. == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === === {{w|Fred Jones}} === === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === ==Dialogue== :''(Shaggy has been screaming in horror for almost three hours)'' :'''Doctor:''' Hey! Stop screaming! :''(Shaggy stops)'' :'''Daphne:''' Why didn't that work when WE tried it? :'''Doctor:''' Eh, people listen to doctors. <hr width=50%> :'''Fred''': ''[about Mr. Hubley being a suspect]'' What do you think, Velma? :'''Velma''': ''[dreamily]'' I think Winsor's eyes are the colour of sea-foam by moonlight. :'''Daphne''': Okay. Somebody's going to be zero help tonight. :'''Fred''': Go easy on her, Daph. Haven't you ever had a crush on anyone? :'''Daphne''': ''[annoyed]'' Me? No. Why would be you ask? :''[storms to the Mystery Machine]'' :'''Fred''': Well, it's just I... :'''Daphne''': ''[annoyed]'' Why is everyone walking so slow? <hr width=50%> :'''Faith''': ''[as Scooby and Shaggy frantically eat]'' Woah, guys, didn't you read the sign? Don't take more than you can eat. :'''Shaggy''': We read it. What's the problem? :'''Faith''': Well, you can't possibly eat all... :''[Scooby and Shaggy finish eating]'' :'''Faith''': never mind. :'''Shaggy''': Seconds, Scoob? :'''Scooby-Doo''': You bet. :'''Faith''': So do I file for bankruptcy now, or...? <hr width=50%> :'''Biker''': Hey little buddy, this gonna be bad :(Shaggy hypnotized) :'''Shaggy''': We can do this two ways, punk. One: you walk away. Two: I walk on your face. <hr width=50%> :'''Fred''': Shaggy, what are you doing? :'''Shaggy:''' Saving your butt, Jones. Get used to it! ==Cast== * [[Frank Welker]] as Scooby, Fred, and misc. bikers * Matthew Lillard as Nigel Uno and Shaky Joe * Casey Kasem as Shaggy * Mindy Cohn as Velma * Grey DeLisle as Daphne * Cathy Cavadini as Faith * [[John DiMaggio]] as Fritz, GPS and misc. bikers * Michael Gough as Mr. Babbit, Blair, Grad Student #1 and misc. bikers * Matthew Gubler as Winsor * Finola Hughes as Professor Svankmajer * Maulik Pancholy as Doctor * Kevin Michael Richardson as Tex, Cop #2, Grad Student #3 and misc. bikers * [[Fred Willard]] as Mr. Hubley * Dave Wittenberg as Cop #1, Grad Student #2, Policeman and misc. bikers * Gwendoline Yeo as Ms. Deitch ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Scooby-Doo}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2011 animated films]] [[Category:2010s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated mystery films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]] 65w5srshr4qxk43s2plsdq9oa0anlb1 0 213008 3949476 3934451 2026-06-06T07:46:20Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Dialogue */ 3949476 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Chill Out, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''{{w|Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare}}''''' is a 2010 direct-to-DVD animated comedy horror-mystery film based upon the Scooby-Doo Saturday morning cartoon, and was released on September 14, 2010. == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Boo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Burt, if you have any more campfire stories, I'd appreciate it if you keep them to yourself! === {{w|Fred Jones}} === *Many years ago, there was a camper named Neil Fisher. The other kids picked on him all the time, so he spent most of his days swimming in Big Moose Lake. In fact, he spent so much time in the water he grew gills and fins. He became the Fishman. And he haunts Big Moose Lake to this day. === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * Deacon, What are you doing? === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * Wait a minute. How can a *lake* be haunted? ==Dialogue== :'''Freddy''': ''[the gang prepare to split up and seach for clues]'' Who's with me? :'''Jessica''': I'll go. I'm a certified scuba instructor. :'''Daphne''': ''[imitating Jessica]'' 'I'm a certified scuba instructor... ' :''[Velma giggles]'' :'''Freddy''': What was that, Daph? :'''Daphne''': Huh? Nothing. I'll go with you. <hr width=50%> :'''Shaggy''': Burt, if you have any more campfire stories, I'd appreciate it if you keep them to yourself! <hr width=50%> :'''Freddy''': Okay gang, here's the plan. An hour of canoeing, two hours of fishing, followed by a half hour of swimming! :'''Daphne''': In... there? :''[cut to Little Moose Lake, which is extremely dirty and disgusting like a swamp]'' :'''Freddy''': Yep. :'''Luke''': Hey, why don't we go up to Big Moose Lake? That lake is sweet. :'''Freddy''': Oh no, not Big Moose Lake. We can't go up there. :'''Luke''': Why not? :'''Freddy''': Because Big Moose Lake is haunted. :'''Shaggy''': ''[nervous]'' I'm out. :'''Velma''': Wait a minute. How can a *lake* be haunted? :'''Freddy''': Many years ago, there was a camper named Neil Fisher. The other kids picked on him all the time, so he spent most of his days swimming in Big Moose Lake. In fact, he spent so much time in the water he grew gills and fins. He became the Fishman. And he haunts Big Moose Lake to this day. :'''Shaggy''': Is that true? :'''Velma''': Of course not. He just doesn't want us to go to Big Moose Lake. :'''Freddy''': Guys, we've got a perfectly good lake right here. :'''Daphne''': ''[sternly]'' We're going to Big Moose. :'''Freddy''': ''[defeated]'' We're going to Big Moose. ==Cast== * [[Frank Welker]] as Scooby/Fred * [[Matthew Lillard]] as Shaggy * [[Mindy Cohn]] as Velma * [[Grey DeLisle]] as Daphne * [[Scott Menville]] as Luke * [[Tara Strong]] as Trudy * [[Stephen Root]] as Burt * [[Lauren Tom]] as Jessica * [[Mark Hamill]] as Deacon/Boretti and Store Owner * [[Dee Bradley Baker]] as Ranger Knudsen, Woodsman, Fishman, and Spectre * [[Phil LaMarr]] as Darrel ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Scooby-Doo}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2010 animated films]] [[Category:2010s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated mystery films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]] fyi3h911cyvc95g3nx9k97dtrsx3ndt 0 213010 3949487 3935565 2026-06-06T08:13:52Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Dialogue */ 3949487 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''{{w|Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright}}''''' in 78 minutes release on Rated PG is a 2013 direct-to-DVD animated musical comedy horror film, and the twenty-first entry in the direct-to-video series of Scooby-Doo films. == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * We need aspirin, a chiropractor, and some baby oil. Right now! === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * No, this happens to everyone. It would be too much of a coincidence if this only happened to us, so logically, everyone must run into ghosts and monsters all the time. === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * I'm in love with Fred! There, I said it! * We're not a cute couple! I mean, heh, we're not a couple... So we can't be a cute one, although we would be if we were. Which we're not. I mean, it's not like we don't like each other, we just don't *like* like each other. It's just not likely. Right, Fred? Or do we? We don't right? Do we? Why are we talking about this so much? Can we just, change the subject now, please? This is none of your business! === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * Really? Wow, I never would have - Gosh, that's a shocker. ==Dialogue== :'''Daphne''': Does it say anything in those books about Opera House where we're shooting the show? :'''Velma''': Yeah. It's almost a hundred years old. It's been closed since the 70s. And there are rumours that it's haunted. :'''Shaggy''': ''[eats a sub sandwich]'' Of course it's haunted. Like, when do we ever go to a place that's not haunted? :'''Velma''': Wait. Who’s driving? :''[As it turns out, Scooby was driving.]'' :'''Scooby-Doo''': Uh. Green means go, right? :'''All''': Shaggy! :'''Scooby-Doo''': Scooby-Dooby-Doo! <hr width=50%> :'''Daphne''': Fred, why do ghosts and monsters and stuff turn up wherever we go? Is it something about us? :'''Fred''': No, this happens to everyone. It would be too much of a coincidence if this only happened to us, so logically, everyone must run into ghosts and monsters all the time. :'''Daphne''': Really? :'''Fred''': Sure! It's simple math. They must be everywhere. <hr width=50%> :'''Velma''': Trouble sleeping? :'''Daphne''': Ah, yeah. :'''Velma''': Are you okay? What's wrong? :'''Daphne''': I'm fine. :'''Velma''': You're obviously not fine, Daphne. Why don't you tell me about it? :'''Daphne''': I'm in love with Fred! There, I said it! :'''Velma''': ''[pause, sarcastic]'' Really? Wow, I never would have - Gosh, that's a shocker. <hr width=50%> :'''Mel''': ''[about Fred and Daphne]'' You make a cute couple. :'''Daphne''': We're not a cute couple! I mean, heh, we're not a couple... So we can't be a cute one, although we would be if we were. Which we're not. I mean, it's not like we don't like each other, we just don't *like* like each other. It's just not likely. Right, Fred? Or do we? We don't right? Do we? Why are we talking about this so much? Can we just, change the subject now, please? This is none of your business! <hr width=50%> :'''Shaggy''': We need aspirin, a chiropractor, and some baby oil. Right now! ==Cast== * [[Frank Welker]] as Scooby-Doo and Fred Jones * Matthew Lillard as Shaggy Rogers * Grey DeLisle as Daphne Blake, Amy * Mindy Cohn as Velma Dinkley * Isabella Acres as Emma Gale * Troy Baker as Phantom, Lance Damon * Eric Bauza as K.J. * Jeff Bennett as Mike Gale, Mel Richmond * Wayne Brady as Brick Pimiento * Vivica A. Fox as Lotte Lavoie * Kate Higgins as Meg Gale, Cathy * Peter MacNicol as Dewey Ottoman * Candi Milo as Barb Damon * John O'Hurley as The Great Pauldini * Cristina Pucelli as Colette * Kevin Michael Richardson as Security Guard #1, Hotel Clerk * Paul Rugg as Steve Trilby * Tara Sands as Nancy * Tara Strong as Donna, News Anchor * Travis Willingham as Waldo * Ariel Winter as Chrissy Damon ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Scooby-Doo}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2013 animated films]] [[Category:2010s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated musical films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]] 3jyhowja22rg742l33kagvin8yqltmw 0 213011 3949493 3817409 2026-06-06T08:21:53Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Dialogue */ 3949493 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''{{w|Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy}}''''' is a 2014 direct-to-DVD animated comedy horror film. == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === === {{w|Fred Jones}} === === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === ==Dialogue== :'''Scooby-Doo''': ''[Scooby and Shaggy wake up tied up in the castle next to the Frankencreep, also tied up]'' Morning, Shaggy. :'''Shaggy''': Morning, Scoob. Oh, that's weird. I don't remember going to bed. ''[to Velma]'' So, Velms, I stopped falling out of bed, like, months ago. Why do you have us strapped in here? :'''Velma''': Don't worry. I've deduced that the monster's brain is defective. I just to provide some additional cerebral material to correct the problem. :'''Shaggy''': Oh, I see. Brains. Like, that makes sense. Wait... :'''Scooby-Doo''': Where are you going to get brains? :''[Velma cackles evilly, implying that she intends to use Shaggy and Scooby's brains]'' :'''Shaggy''': ''[gulps]'' Like, why do you need both our brains? :'''Velma''': According to my calculations, between the two of you, you almost have one entire brain. [activates a device putting a helmet on her victims] I must say, you're taking this rather well. :'''Shaggy''': Well Velma, you know I always say there's no point getting all bent out of shape for every little... [the Frankencreep tears off his clothes] ... (Casey Kasem Voice) Zoinks! <hr width=50%> :'''Mrs. Vanders''': ''[in the laboratory, Shaggy and Scooby prepare to eat a meal]'' Halt! Before you go any further, I must inform you of two facts. One: these parts are not food. :''[the camera zooms in to reveal maggots on the fish]'' :'''Mrs. Vanders''': They are the parts the baron rejected for his creature. :'''Shaggy''': (Casey Kasem Voice) Zoinks! Like, what's the other fact? :'''Mrs. Vanders''': That at what you sit is not a table. :''[the table cloth is removed to reveal the Frankencreep cryogenically frozen]'' ==Cast== * [[Frank Welker]] — [[w:Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]], [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred]] * [[w:Matthew Lillard|Matthew Lillard]]<br>[[w:Casey Kasem|Casey Kasem]] <small>(original voice and final film role, archival recordings; credited)</small> — [[w:Shaggy Rogers|Shaggy]] * [[w:Mindy Cohn|Mindy Cohn]] — [[w:Velma Dinkley|Velma]] * [[Nicole Jaffe]] - [[w:Velma Dinkley|Velma Dinkley]] (archive recordings) * [[w:Grey DeLisle|Grey Griffin]] — [[w:Daphne Blake|Daphne]], Mama Mione * [[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] — Mrs. Vanders * [[Dee Bradley Baker|Dee Baker]] — C.L Magnus / Mr. Burger * [[w:Eric Bauza|Eric Bauza]] — Daphomatic, Rock Dude * [[w:Jeff Bennett|Jeff Glen Bennett]] — Iago / Agent Shmidlap * [[w:Susanne Blakeslee|Susanne Blakeslee]] — Townswoman * [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Weinman]] — Baron Basil, Ghost of the Baron * [[w:Candi Milo|Candi Milo]] — Gypsy / Lila * [[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin M. Richardson]] — Cuthbert Crawley / Inspector Krunch / Cuthbert Crawls * [[w:Fred Tatasciore|Fred Tatasciore]] — Frankencreep ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} {{Scooby-Doo}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2014 animated films]] [[Category:2010s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated horror films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:Animated films about revenge]] [[Category:Animated films set in castles]] gdp6u8kth8gqj35zra99kex9j8pfjbh 0 213222 3949335 3945292 2026-06-05T22:33:42Z Vanguard Man 3294029 3949335 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part}}''''' (also known as '''''The Lego Movie 2''''') is a 2019 animated [[w:adventure film|adventure]] [[w:comedy film|comedy film]] produced by {{w|Warner Animation Group}} and released by [[w:Warner Bros. Pictures|Warner Bros. Pictures]]. It is a sequel of the 2014 film, ''[[The Lego Movie]]''. The movies features {{w|Chris Pratt}}, {{w|Elizabeth Banks}}, [[Will Arnett]], {{w|Charlie Day}}, {{w|Alison Brie}}, {{w|Nick Offerman}}, [[Will Ferrell]] with {{w|Tiffany Haddish}}, {{w|Stephanie Beatriz}} and {{w|Maya Rudolph}}. It is a sequel to the 2014 film, [[The Lego Movie]]. ''[[The Lego Movie Videogame]]'' :''Directed by [[w:Mike Mitchell|Mike Mitchell]]. Written by [[w:Phil Lord and Christopher Miller|Phil Lord and Christopher Miller]]. Story by Phil Lord, Christopher Miller and Matthew Fogel.'' {{center|'''They Come in Pieces'''&nbsp; {{small|([[#Taglines|taglines]])}}}} == Dialogue == :''[The film opens with alien spaceships come out of the Stairgate and flashbacks from [[The Lego Movie|the first movie]] occur, leaving right where it left off.]'' :'''The Man Upstairs''': Now that I'm letting you come down here and play, guess who else gets to come down here and play? :'''Finn''': Who? :'''The Man Upstairs''': Your sister. ''[echoes]'' :'''Finn''': What? :''[As everyone in the Lego world is celebrating after the Kragle was destroyed]'' :'''Emmet''': Well, things sure have a way of working out smoothly. Am I right, guys? ''[suddenly, the alien spaceship hovers above them]'' <big>'''''WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!'''''</big> :''[a trio of Duplo alien figures descend into the Lego world]'' :'''Duplo''': ''[Baby voice]'' We are from the planet [[w:Lego Duplo|Duplo]], and we are here to destroy you. :'''Emmet''': Oh, man. :'''Lucy''': You're gonna have to pass us. :'''[[w:Lego Batman|Batman]]''': Specifically me. :'''Unikitty''': Oh it's on. :'''Metalbeard''': Yarr. ''[he smacks Ghost Vitruvius away.]'' :'''Ghost Vitruvius''': Whoa! <hr width=50%> :'''General Mayhem''': '''''BRING ME YOUR FIERCEST LEADER!''''' :'''Batman''': Yeah, that's me. This guy. Coming through. I'm the leader, obvs. :'''Lucy''': You! I don't think so. :'''Batman''': How many movies have they made about you? Because there are nine about me, and like three others in various stages of development. :'''Metalbeard''': Argh! If you be considered a leader, then why aren't '''''"We?"''''' :'''Unikitty and Benny''': Yeah! I'm a princess! What about me!? I'm a space commander! :'''Metalbeard''': I'm literally the captain of a pirate ship! :''[General Mayhem presses something on her wrist. Outside the camp, her ship starts re-assembling; engine powering up.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Emmet''': ''[awakens from his vision]'' Uh, Lucy? What? :'''[[w:Mermaid|Mermaid]]''': Emmet, what have you done?! :'''Emmet''': Wait. ''[jumps onto another platform]'' You guys don't think this is all my fault? :'''Sherry Scratchinpost''': Meh, maybe not entirely your fault. :'''[[w:Sheryl Swoopes|Sheryl Swoopes]]''': It's totally your fault! :'''[[w:Gary Payton|Gary Payton]]''': ''[throws down a spiked ball]'' You got that right, [[w:WNBA|WNBA]] legend Sheryl Swoopes. :'''Emmet''': Listen, everyone, Lucy and the others were kidnapped in some sort of plan to start Armamageddon. :'''[[w:Gandalf|Gandalf]]''': Armamageddon? Where we're banished for an eternity in the Bin of Storaj? That's just a legend. :'''Emmet''': No it's real, and it's gonna happen to all of us unless we rescue them. :'''[[w:Velma Dinkley|Velma Dinkley]]''': Jinkies! Who's gonna lead the mission? :'''[[w:Cleopatra|Cleopatra]]''': You wouldn't even make it past the Stairgate, let alone survive the Systar System. :'''[[w:Harley Quinn|Harley Quinn]]''': That's a suicide mission! :'''[[w:Abraham Lincoln|Abraham Lincoln]]''': ''[hovers down in his rocket chair]'' Wyldstyle said you're not tough enough to do this. Ya haven't changed with the times. You're stuck in the past a quarter score ago. :'''Larry the Barista''': We've all grown up except for you. :'''Chainsaw Dave''': Yeah, dude, you're a total Hufflepuff. :''[Emmet looks on dismayed]'' :'''Woman''': That's right he is! :'''Abraham Lincoln''': Definitely not a good one. :'''Emmet''': But, I'm not... :'''Gandalf''': You remembered what happened to the [[w:Justice League|Justice League]]. Not with Batman gone and [[w:Marvel Comics|Marvel]] not returning our calls, there are no real heroes left. Only original Aquaman and unlicensed knock-off, Larry Poppins. :''[scene cuts to Lego original Aquaman and Larry Poppins, a male version of [[w:Mary Poppins (character)|Mary Poppins]]]'' :'''Larry Poppins''': Well, ''[pulls a plate of salt of his suitcase]'' I say a spoonful of salt helps the medicine go down. Anyone? No? :'''Gandalf''': Oh, Larry. :''[Emmet looks around at the non-good booing Master Builders]'' :'''Man''': What he said is right! :'''Emmet''': Oh, come on, everyone! We've done this before! We all took on Lord Business, and we've changed the world!! ''[Chainsaw Dave and the other Lego characters look at him, confused]'' We are all special now. There's nothing we can't do! ''[Sherry and her cats and the Sewer Babies listen to the speech]'' We need to go up to that Alien planet and show those aliens what we're made of! ''[opens the door, exits the fortress, and turns back to the Master Builders]'' Who's coming with me?! :''[The Master Builders stare at him blankly and seconds later, the door slams shut, hinting as they all refuse to help Emmet.]'' :'''Emmet''': ''[sighs sadly]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Benny''': Spaceship. Spaceship. Spaceship. Spaceship. Spaceship. Spaceship. :'''MetalBeard''': ''[grunts]'' Ugh. So, this fits, 5, you say? :'''Benny''': Oh, look at all these spaceship buttons, what does this one do, oh, what does this one, what about this one? :'''Unikitty, MetalBeard, Batman, Lucy, Sweet Mayhem and Benny''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Benny''': That would be the power switch. :'''Unikitty''': Ooh, what is that? :'''Sweet Mayhem''': Behold, The Systar System! :'''Unikitty, MetalBeard, Batman and Benny''': Whoa! :'''Lucy''': No whoas! Do not give her the satisfaction of whoa-ing this! :'''Unikitty, MetalBeard, Batman and Benny''': Ooh! :'''Lucy''': That's even worse! :'''Unikitty, MetalBeard, Batman and Benny''': Ah! :'''Lucy''': Stop it! :'''Lucy''': Wait, that's Batman's job! :'''MetalBeard''': Yeah, your feet be in me face! :'''Unikkity, MetalBeard, Batman, Benny, Sweet Mayhem and Lucy''': ''[arguring]'' :'''Sweet Mayhem''': Please be quiet, I'm trying to make a majestic landing. <hr width=50%> :''[a giant meteor appears that it looks like Emmet and his spaceship is going to crash]'' :'''Emmet''': This is the end! ''[just then, a space ranger appears out of nowhere, and destroys the giant meteor by using a megaton punch]'' Woah! Who is that? <hr width=50%> :'''Sweet Mayhem''': What was that? :'''Lucy''': I said, ''[high-pitched]'' Hello! :'''Sweet Mayhem''': Well, we've been talking for a while. I'm not sure why you're saying hello now… But fine. Hello, to you. <hr width=50%> :'''Lucy''': Emmet! :'''Emmet''': Lucy, what are you doing? :'''Lucy''': Did you draw stubble dots on your face? :'''Emmet''': What? No. ''[wipe his beard on his face]'' :'''Lucy''': Listen to me. I was wrong about the queen. :'''Emmet''': No. No, no, no. Rex was right about you. :'''Lucy''': No, you can't do this. :'''Emmet''': You're just stopping me because you're brainwashed. :'''Lucy''': I'm not brainwashed! :'''Rex Dangervest''': That's exactly what a brainwashed person would say. :'''MetalBeard''': Ahoy, Emmet. :'''Unikitty''': What happened to you? :'''MetalBeard''': A betoughening, it seems. :'''Ice Cream Cone''': Do you, Queen Watevra, take Batman to be your special best partner? :'''Queen Whatevra Wa-Nabi''': I do. :'''Rex Dangervest''': Hurry up, kid, we're running outta time. :'''Emmet''': Guys, get out of my way. :'''MetalBeard''': If you want to do harm to yon wedding, you will have to get by we first. :'''Emmet''': I'm sorry, but this is for your own good. ''[jumping up higher, yelling to smash the wedding cake made of Legos with his fists.]'' :'''Lucy''': Emmet! Come back! Don't do this. :'''Rex Dangervest''': Don't listen to her! :'''Banarnar''': Almost there... Oh, come on! No! Not all the way down! :'''Lucy''': Stop, Em, you don't know what you're doing! ''[grabs Emmet's hand]'' :'''Emmet''': This isn't the real you! :'''Lucy''': This is the real me! The truth is, this is my real hair. ''[Emmet gasps]'' I used to sing and dance and have colorful hair, and I even loved, Everything Is Awesome. :'''Emmet''': ''[pulls away from Lucy]'' No, no. You would've told me you hate that music! It isn't you! :'''Lucy''': Yes! I darkened my hair with marker, 'cause I wanted people to think I was cool and grown-up. And then I tried to change you into someone tough, too. And I was wrong. I like you the way you were. Sweet, innocent, kind. :'''Emmet''': The real Lucy would never say that. ''[he starts jumping up higher, yelling for longer to smash the wedding cake made of Legos with his fists.]'' :'''Ice Cream Cone''': Do you, Batman, take Queen Watevra to be your special best partner? :'''Batman''': I do, uh... :'''Lucy''': Emmet! <hr width=50%> :'''Emmet''': ''[looks at the wedding being destroyed; worried]'' What's happening?? What did I just do?! Lucy! Come with me. :'''Rex Dangervest''': ''[takes Emmet]'' I got you, brother. :'''Lucy''': Wait! Emmet? :'''Emmet''': Lucy! <hr width=50%> :'''Emmet''': Rex, why are we leaving? We gotta save my friends! :'''Rex Dangervest''': Do we? They didn't come to save us when we were all alone. :'''Emmet''': What are you talking about? Who are you? :'''Rex Dangervest''': Look a little closer. We're not so different. :'''Emmet''': Wait, you and I? :'''Rex Dangervest''': We, and us. :'''Emmet''': Huh? :'''Rex Dangervest''': Emmet... I'm you. :'''Emmet''': But ''I'm'' me. :'''Rex Dangervest''': I'm you, from the future. All grown up. :'''Emmet''': Wait, if you're me, why do we sound so different? :'''Rex Dangervest''': ''[sounding exactly like Emmet]'' Why do we sound so different? ''[Emmet gasps in horror]'' It's a mind-blower, I know. That's why I was so cagey in telling you my backstory. <hr width=50%> :'''Finn''': You ruined everything. :'''Bianca''': I just wanted you to play with me. :'''Lucy''': Emmet… what have you done? :'''Emmet''': ''[distraught]'' What have we done? :'''Rex Dangervest''': It's called growing up. Isn’t that what you wanted? :'''Emmet''': No, I wanna save my friends. :'''Rex Dangervest''': You don’t have friends! They’re just pieces of plastic! ''[chuckles]'' You still want to go back to The Matrix when you know the truth? :'''Emmet''': ''[after Rex ruffles his hair to match his own]'' What's The Matrix? :'''Rex Dangervest''': It’s a movie only cool older mature dudes like us have seen. It’s time to put away childish things. <hr width=50%> :'''Batman''': ''[in the melting chamber in melting device]'' Uh, what's going on here? Uh-oh! :''[a red beam of light is shooting at Batman back]'' :'''Batman''': Ouch, ouch, ouch! Not that shut it down. <hr width=50%> :'''Rex Dangervest''': This is going to be easy. You're weak! :'''Emmet''': No, you're the one who's weak. :'''Rex Dangervest''': Huh? :'''Emmet''': ''[struggles as he tries to get up]'' I'll never grow up to be like you. It's easy to harden your heart, but to open it. That's the toughest thing you can do. I'm gonna grow up, but I won't stop caring about the people in my life. They may see the world differently. It's not bad. I think it's inspiring. Because everything's not awesome, but we can make it a little more awesome if we remember... We're not alone in this world. We're in it together. <hr width=50%> :''[After Lucy defeats Rex]'' :'''Lucy''': It's over, Rex. Emmet's never gonna be you. But you can be like him. You don't have to be the bad guy. :'''Emmet''': You can join us. :'''Rex Dangervest''': ''[grunts]'' I can't. :'''Emmet''': What do you mean? :'''Rex Dangervest''': She came back for you. You're never gonna turn out like me, which means: I'm never gonna exist. :'''Emmet''': W-Wait, no. :'''Rex Dangervest''': ''[His right arm disappears]'' Ha-ha! Look, I told, I knew it! Look, I'm [[Back to the Future|Back to the Futuring]]! Totally called it. :'''Emmet''': What's Back to the Future-ing?! :'''Rex Dangervest''': ''[his left leg disappears]'' It's a classic movie older kids get to watch. And now it's happening to me. :'''Emmet''': Come on! Take our hand while you still have a hand to take! :'''Rex Dangervest''': That ain't how it works, kid. :'''Emmet''': Rex... :'''Rex Dangervest''': It's okay. I'm proud of you. ''[his right leg disappears]'' And you're gonna grow up to be better than me. [[w:Temporal_paradox#Causal_loop|But kind of thanks to me, so,]] ''[his left arm disappears]'' I'm also great. And, Lucy, thanks for coming back for us. ''[his lower body disappears]'' Besides, this is a pretty righteous way to go out, no regrets! Except again not trademarking no regrets, that was a mistake, one love! ''[his head disappears into nothing.]'' :'''Emmet''': Just to be clear of that really happened, you could see him. Right? :'''Lucy''': Uh-huh. Time to go? :'''Emmet''': Yeah. ''[he and Lucy leave]'' :'''Lucy''': Hey, um, I'm really sorry I tried to change you. :'''Emmet''': Oh, and I'm sorry I blew up the wedding and almost banished everyone to an eternity of lifelessness in a cosmic storage bin. It's fine. :'''Lucy''': Can we be special best friends still? :'''Emmet''': Fo' eva. ''[he and Lucy hold hands as the screen fades to white.]'' == Taglines == * They Come in Pieces. * More Awesome in IMAX. (IMAX poster) * From The Studio That Brought You ''[[The Lego Movie]]''. == Cast == * [[w:Chris Pratt|Chris Pratt]] as Emmet Brickowski/Rex Dangervest * [[w:Elizabeth Banks|Elizabeth Banks]] as Wyldstyle/Lucy * [[Will Arnett]] as [[w:Batman|Batman]] * [[Tiffany Haddish]] as Queen Watevra Wa-Nabi * [[w:Stephanie Beatriz|Stephanie Beatriz]] as General Sweet Mayhem * [[w:Charlie Day|Charlie Day]] as Benny * [[w:Alison Brie|Alison Brie]] as Princess Unikitty/Ultrakatty * [[w:Nick Offerman|Nick Offerman]] as MetalBeard * [[Will Ferrell]] as President Business/The Man Upstairs * [[w:Jadon Sand|Jadon Sand]] as Finn ** Graham Miller as Young Finn * [[w:Brooklynn Prince|Brooklynn Prince]] as Bianca * [[w:Maya Rudolph|Maya Rudolph]] as Mom * [[w:Richard Ayoade|Richard Ayoade]] as Ice Cream Cone * [[w:Ben Schwartz|Ben Schwartz]] as Banarnar * [[w:Channing Tatum|Channing Tatum]] as [[Superman]] * [[w:Cobie Smulders|Cobie Smulders]] as [[Wonder Woman]] ** Emmett Mitchell as Duplo Wonder Woman ** [[w:Margot Rubin|Margot Rubin]] as Wonder Woman Mini Doll * [[w:Jonah Hill|Jonah Hill]] as [[Green Lantern]] * [[Jason Momoa]] as [[w:Aquaman|Aquaman]] * [[w:Ike Barinholtz|Ike Barinholtz]] as [[w:Lex Luthor|Lex Luthor]] * [[w:Ralph Finnes|Ralph Finnes]] as [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[Noel Fielding]] as Balthazar * [[w:Will Forte|Will Forte]] as [[Abraham Lincoln]] * [[w:Jorma Taccone|Jorma Taccone]] as Larry Popppins * [[w:Todd Hansen|Todd Hansen]] as [[w:Gandalf|Gandalf]]/Swamp Creature * [[w:Emily Norwood|Emily Norwood]] as [[Cleopatra]] * [[w:Sheryl Swoopes|Sheryl Swoopes]] as herself * [[w:Gary Payton|Gary Payton]] as himself * [[Bruce Willis]] as himself * [[w:Chris McKay|Chris McKay]] as Larry the Barista * [[w:Doug Nicholas|Doug Nicholas]] as Surfer Dave/Chainsaw Dave/Purgatory Dave * [[w:Trishia Gun|Trishia Gun]] as [[w:Velma Dinkley|Velma Dinkley]] * [[w:Jimmy O. Yang|Jimmy O. Yang]] as Zebe * Liam Knight, Emmett Mitchell, Sawyer D. Jones, Graham Miller, Cora Miller, Ollie Mitchell as [[w:Duplo|Duplo]] ** Emmett as Duplo Foreman ** Liam as Heart and Sewer Babies ** Knight and Cora as Stars * [[w:Margot Rubin|Margot Rubin]] as Susan, [[w:Mermaid|Mermaid]], [[w:Harley Quinn|Harley Quinn]], and [[w:Panda|Panda]] * [[w:Ryan Halprin|Ryan Halprin]] as Dolphin Clock * [[w:Ryan Halprin|Ryan Halprin]] and [[w:Lauren White|Lauren White]] as Apocalypseburg Citizens * [[w:Phil Lord & Christopher Miller|Christopher Miller]] as [[w:Horse|Horse]], [[w:Chocolate Bar|Chocolate Bar]], [[w:Paperboy|Paperboy]], and Chad * [[w:Mike Mitchell (director)|Mike Mitchell]] as Guard, [[w:Octopus|Octopus]], Harmony Town Citizen, [[w:Announcer|Announcer]], Apocalypseburg Warrior, and Sherry Scratchen-Post == External links == * {{Commonscat-inline}} * {{IMDb title|id=3513498| title=The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part}} {{wikipedia}} {{The Lego Movie}} {{Warner Animation Group}} {{DC Comics animated films}} {{DEFAULTSORT:LEGO Movie, The}} [[Category:2019 films]] [[Category:2010s American animated films]] [[Category:American 3D animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated space adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]] [[Category:American children's animated science fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero films]] [[Category:Animated Superman films]] [[Category:Animated Green Lantern films]] [[Category:Animated Batman films]] [[Category:American sequel films]] [[Category:The Lego Movie]] [[Category:Dystopian films]] [[Category:Post-apocalyptic films]] [[Category:Films based on toys]] [[Category:Animated films about time travel]] [[Category:Animated films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films directed by Mike Mitchell]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Films about alien invasions]] hev08opeh8719px0cv2u4aelsw6t7gs 0 215884 3949270 3947732 2026-06-05T16:42:34Z ~2026-20710-68 3308056 3949270 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic_title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Thomas and Friends/Season 1|1]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 2|2]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 3|3]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 4|4]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 5|5]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 6|6]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 7|7]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 8|8]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 9|9]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 10|10]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 11|11]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 12|12]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 13|13]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 14|14]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 15|15]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 16|16]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 17|17]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 18|18]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 19|19]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 20|20]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 21|21]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 22|22]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 23|23]] [[Wikia:TTTE:Season 24|24]] | '''Movies''': [[Thomas and the Magic Railroad]] / [[Calling All Engines!]] / [[The Great Discovery]] / [[Hero of the Rails]] / [[Thomas & Friends: Misty Island Rescue|Misty Island Rescue]] / '''Day of the Diesels''' / [[Blue Mountain Mystery]] / [[Thomas & Friends: King of the Railway|King of the Railway]] / [[Tale of the Brave]] / [[The Adventure Begins]] / [[Thomas & Friends: Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure|Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure]] / [[The Great Race (Thomas)|The Great Race]] / [[Journey Beyond Sodor]] / [[Big World! Big Adventures!]] | [[Thomas and Friends|Main]] ---- '''''Day of the Diesels''''' (originally under the working title '''''Charge of the Steam Brigade''''') is a 2011 movie special of ''[[Thomas and Friends|Thomas & Friends]]''. This special takes place between [[Thomas and Friends/Season 14|Season 14]] and [[Thomas and Friends/Season 15|15]]. {{film-stub}} ==Sir Topham Hatt== * Diesel 10! What do you think you are doing?! * Diesel 10: Uh, eh, I.. um.. * You, Diesel 10, are an engine on my railway! You will do as I say when I say it! Do you understand?!?! ''[Diesel 10 whimpers]'' You have caused confusion and delay! The Dieselworks has been on fire! The Steamworks has been bashed and banged! And because of you, none of my engines is being really useful! You will put right everything you damaged! '''==Percy is replaced by Flynn==''' Narrator:Flynn Was in Percy’s place at tidmouth sheds next to Thomas, Flynn:Percy, good to see you, Thomas said l could ease my extras here, narrator: until you came back of course, Percy wheeshed and Percy whooshed he was upset, Thomas: where have you been, Percy, narrator: Percy looked at Thomas, his best friend, didn’t feel like his best friend anymore, that made Percy feel lonely, ==Cast== * {{w|Teresa Gallagher}} as Belle * {{w|Matt Wilkinson}} as Diesel 10 * {{w|Keith Wickham}} as Salty, Paxton, Den and Dowager Hatt * {{w|Rupert Degas}} as Dart and Flynn * {{w|Kerry Shale}} as 'Arry, Bert, Sidney and Norman ===US dub=== * {{w|Michael Brandon}} as Diesel and the Narrator * [[w:Martin Sherman (actor)|Martin Sherman]] as Percy and Thomas * Kerry Shale as Kevin, Henry, Gordon, James and Sir Topham Hatt * {{w|Jules de Jongh}} as Mavis, Emily and Lady Hatt * {{w|David Bedella}} as Victor * {{w|Ben Small}} as Stanley * {{w|Glenn Wrage}} as Cranky * [[w:William Hope (actor)|William Hope]] as Edward, Toby, Rocky and Farmer McColl ===UK dub=== * Narrated by {{w|Michael Angelis}} * Ben Small as Thomas and Toby * Keith Wickham as Percy, Edward, Henry, Gordon, James and the Fat Controller * Matt Wilkinson as Kevin, Stanley, Victor, Cranky, Rocky and Farmer McColl * Teresa Gallagher as Mavis, Emily and Lady Hatt * Kerry Shale as Diesel ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Day of the Diesels}} {{Thomas & Friends}} [[Category:2011 computer-animated films]] [[Category:British computer-animated films]] [[Category:Children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:Children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:Children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:Films based on television series]] [[Category:Thomas & Friends films‎]] [[Category:Films directed by Greg Tiernan]] [[Category:Films based on animated television series]] [[Category:Films based on children's books]] 3n8wmnzb9il9txh39og1htdv79wexcd 3949279 3949270 2026-06-05T17:28:43Z ~2026-20710-68 3308056 3949279 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic_title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Thomas and Friends/Season 1|1]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 2|2]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 3|3]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 4|4]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 5|5]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 6|6]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 7|7]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 8|8]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 9|9]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 10|10]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 11|11]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 12|12]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 13|13]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 14|14]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 15|15]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 16|16]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 17|17]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 18|18]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 19|19]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 20|20]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 21|21]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 22|22]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 23|23]] [[Wikia:TTTE:Season 24|24]] | '''Movies''': [[Thomas and the Magic Railroad]] / [[Calling All Engines!]] / [[The Great Discovery]] / [[Hero of the Rails]] / [[Thomas & Friends: Misty Island Rescue|Misty Island Rescue]] / '''Day of the Diesels''' / [[Blue Mountain Mystery]] / [[Thomas & Friends: King of the Railway|King of the Railway]] / [[Tale of the Brave]] / [[The Adventure Begins]] / [[Thomas & Friends: Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure|Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure]] / [[The Great Race (Thomas)|The Great Race]] / [[Journey Beyond Sodor]] / [[Big World! Big Adventures!]] | [[Thomas and Friends|Main]] ---- '''''Day of the Diesels''''' (originally under the working title '''''Charge of the Steam Brigade''''') is a 2011 movie special of ''[[Thomas and Friends|Thomas & Friends]]''. This special takes place between [[Thomas and Friends/Season 14|Season 14]] and [[Thomas and Friends/Season 15|15]]. {{film-stub}} ==Sir Topham Hatt== * Diesel 10! What do you think you are doing?! * Diesel 10: Uh, eh, I.. um.. * You, Diesel 10, are an engine on my railway! You will do as I say when I say it! Do you understand?!?! ''[Diesel 10 whimpers]'' You have caused confusion and delay! The Dieselworks has been on fire! The Steamworks has been bashed and banged! And because of you, none of my engines is being really useful! You will put right everything you damaged! '''==Percy is replaced by Flynn==''' Narrator:Flynn Was in Percy’s place at tidmouth sheds next to Thomas, Flynn:Percy, good to see you, Thomas said l could ease my extras here, narrator: until you came back of course, Percy wheeshed and Percy whooshed he was upset, Thomas: where have you been, Percy, narrator: Percy looked at Thomas, his best friend, didn’t feel like his best friend anymore, that made Percy feel lonely, Gordon: What’s the matter, Percy, Percy: you can stay in my place, old fire engine, Flynn, I am busy, I have a puff away, narrator: Percy had made a decision he would take Kevin to the dieselworks, (Percy crying quietly), ==Cast== * {{w|Teresa Gallagher}} as Belle * {{w|Matt Wilkinson}} as Diesel 10 * {{w|Keith Wickham}} as Salty, Paxton, Den and Dowager Hatt * {{w|Rupert Degas}} as Dart and Flynn * {{w|Kerry Shale}} as 'Arry, Bert, Sidney and Norman ===US dub=== * {{w|Michael Brandon}} as Diesel and the Narrator * [[w:Martin Sherman (actor)|Martin Sherman]] as Percy and Thomas * Kerry Shale as Kevin, Henry, Gordon, James and Sir Topham Hatt * {{w|Jules de Jongh}} as Mavis, Emily and Lady Hatt * {{w|David Bedella}} as Victor * {{w|Ben Small}} as Stanley * {{w|Glenn Wrage}} as Cranky * [[w:William Hope (actor)|William Hope]] as Edward, Toby, Rocky and Farmer McColl ===UK dub=== * Narrated by {{w|Michael Angelis}} * Ben Small as Thomas and Toby * Keith Wickham as Percy, Edward, Henry, Gordon, James and the Fat Controller * Matt Wilkinson as Kevin, Stanley, Victor, Cranky, Rocky and Farmer McColl * Teresa Gallagher as Mavis, Emily and Lady Hatt * Kerry Shale as Diesel ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Day of the Diesels}} {{Thomas & Friends}} [[Category:2011 computer-animated films]] [[Category:British computer-animated films]] [[Category:Children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:Children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:Children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:Films based on television series]] [[Category:Thomas & Friends films‎]] [[Category:Films directed by Greg Tiernan]] [[Category:Films based on animated television series]] [[Category:Films based on children's books]] rbd34cdal98yf5nszi0kkfvlmb7whr9 3949283 3949279 2026-06-05T17:40:19Z ~2026-20710-68 3308056 3949283 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic_title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Thomas and Friends/Season 1|1]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 2|2]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 3|3]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 4|4]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 5|5]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 6|6]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 7|7]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 8|8]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 9|9]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 10|10]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 11|11]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 12|12]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 13|13]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 14|14]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 15|15]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 16|16]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 17|17]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 18|18]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 19|19]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 20|20]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 21|21]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 22|22]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 23|23]] [[Wikia:TTTE:Season 24|24]] | '''Movies''': [[Thomas and the Magic Railroad]] / [[Calling All Engines!]] / [[The Great Discovery]] / [[Hero of the Rails]] / [[Thomas & Friends: Misty Island Rescue|Misty Island Rescue]] / '''Day of the Diesels''' / [[Blue Mountain Mystery]] / [[Thomas & Friends: King of the Railway|King of the Railway]] / [[Tale of the Brave]] / [[The Adventure Begins]] / [[Thomas & Friends: Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure|Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure]] / [[The Great Race (Thomas)|The Great Race]] / [[Journey Beyond Sodor]] / [[Big World! Big Adventures!]] | [[Thomas and Friends|Main]] ---- '''''Day of the Diesels''''' (originally under the working title '''''Charge of the Steam Brigade''''') is a 2024 movie special of ''[[Thomas and Friends|Thomas & Friends]]''. This special takes place between [[Thomas and Friends/Season 14|Season 14]] and [[Thomas and Friends/Season 15|15]]. {{film-stub}} ==Sir Topham Hatt== * Diesel 10! What do you think you are doing?! * Diesel 10: Uh, eh, I.. um.. * You, Diesel 10, are an engine on my railway! You will do as I say when I say it! Do you understand?!?! ''[Diesel 10 whimpers]'' You have caused confusion and delay! The Dieselworks has been on fire! The Steamworks has been bashed and banged! And because of you, none of my engines is being really useful! You will put right everything you damaged! '''==Percy is replaced by Flynn==''' Narrator:Flynn Was in Percy’s place at tidmouth sheds next to Thomas, Flynn:Percy, good to see you, Thomas said l could ease my extras here, narrator: until you came back of course, Percy wheeshed and Percy whooshed he was upset, Thomas: where have you been, Percy, narrator: Percy looked at Thomas, his best friend, didn’t feel like his best friend anymore, that made Percy feel lonely, Gordon: What’s the matter, Percy, Percy: you can stay in my place, old fire engine, Flynn, I am busy, I have a puff away, narrator: Percy had made a decision he would take Kevin to the dieselworks, (Percy crying quietly), ==Cast== * {{w|Teresa Gallagher}} as Belle * {{w|Matt Wilkinson}} as Diesel 10 * {{w|Keith Wickham}} as Salty, Paxton, Den and Dowager Hatt * {{w|Rupert Degas}} as Dart and Flynn * {{w|Kerry Shale}} as 'Arry, Bert, Sidney and Norman ===US dub=== * {{w|Michael Brandon}} as Diesel and the Narrator * [[w:Martin Sherman (actor)|Martin Sherman]] as Percy and Thomas * Kerry Shale as Kevin, Henry, Gordon, James and Sir Topham Hatt * {{w|Jules de Jongh}} as Mavis, Emily and Lady Hatt * {{w|David Bedella}} as Victor * {{w|Ben Small}} as Stanley * {{w|Glenn Wrage}} as Cranky * [[w:William Hope (actor)|William Hope]] as Edward, Toby, Rocky and Farmer McColl ===UK dub=== * Narrated by {{w|Michael Angelis}} * Ben Small as Thomas and Toby * Keith Wickham as Percy, Edward, Henry, Gordon, James and the Fat Controller * Matt Wilkinson as Kevin, Stanley, Victor, Cranky, Rocky and Farmer McColl * Teresa Gallagher as Mavis, Emily and Lady Hatt * Kerry Shale as Diesel ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Day of the Diesels}} {{Thomas & Friends}} [[Category:2011 computer-animated films]] [[Category:British computer-animated films]] [[Category:Children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:Children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:Children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:Films based on television series]] [[Category:Thomas & Friends films‎]] [[Category:Films directed by Greg Tiernan]] [[Category:Films based on animated television series]] [[Category:Films based on children's books]] 1r8ophu1jxmzoivqd6p09596dt3d31a 3949284 3949283 2026-06-05T17:41:40Z ~2026-20710-68 3308056 3949284 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic_title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Thomas and Friends/Season 1|1]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 2|2]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 3|3]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 4|4]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 5|5]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 6|6]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 7|7]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 8|8]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 9|9]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 10|10]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 11|11]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 12|12]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 13|13]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 14|14]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 15|15]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 16|16]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 17|17]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 18|18]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 19|19]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 20|20]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 21|21]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 22|22]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 23|23]] [[Wikia:TTTE:Season 24|24]] | '''Movies''': [[Thomas and the Magic Railroad]] / [[Calling All Engines!]] / [[The Great Discovery]] / [[Hero of the Rails]] / [[Thomas & Friends: Misty Island Rescue|Misty Island Rescue]] / '''Day of the Diesels''' / [[Blue Mountain Mystery]] / [[Thomas & Friends: King of the Railway|King of the Railway]] / [[Tale of the Brave]] / [[The Adventure Begins]] / [[Thomas & Friends: Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure|Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure]] / [[The Great Race (Thomas)|The Great Race]] / [[Journey Beyond Sodor]] / [[Big World! Big Adventures!]] | [[Thomas and Friends|Main]] ---- '''''Day of the Diesels''''' (originally under the working title '''''Charge of the Steam Brigade''''') is a 2024 movie special of ''[[Thomas and Friends|Thomas & Friends]]''. This special takes place between [[Thomas and Friends/Season 14|Season 14]] and [[Thomas and Friends/Season 15|15]]. {{film-stub}} ==Sir Topham Hatt== * Diesel 10! What do you think you are doing?! * Diesel 10: Uh, eh, I.. um.. * You, Diesel 10, are an engine on my railway! You will do as I say when I say it! Do you understand?!?! ''[Diesel 10 whimpers]'' You have caused confusion and delay! The Dieselworks has been on fire! The Steamworks has been bashed and banged! And because of you, none of my engines is being really useful! You will put right everything you damaged! '''==Percy is replaced by Flynn==''' Narrator:Flynn Was in Percy’s place at tidmouth sheds next to Thomas, Flynn:Percy, good to see you, Thomas said l could ease my extras here, narrator: until you came back of course, Percy wheeshed and Percy whooshed he was upset, Thomas: where have you been, Percy, narrator: Percy looked at Thomas, his best friend, didn’t feel like his best friend anymore, that made Percy feel lonely, Gordon: What’s the matter, Percy, Percy: you can stay in my place, old fire engine, Flynn, I am busy, I have a puff away, narrator: Percy had made a decision he would take Kevin to the dieselworks, (Percy crying quietly), ==Cast== * {{w|Teresa Gallagher}} as Belle * {{w|Matt Wilkinson}} as Diesel 10 * {{w|Keith Wickham}} as Salty, Paxton, Den and Dowager Hatt * {{w|Rupert Degas}} as Dart and Flynn * {{w|Kerry Shale}} as 'Arry, Bert, Sidney and Norman ===US dub=== * {{w|Michael Brandon}} as Diesel and the Narrator * [[w:Martin Sherman (actor)|Martin Sherman]] as Percy and Thomas * Kerry Shale as Kevin, Henry, Gordon, James and Sir Topham Hatt * {{w|Jules de Jongh}} as Mavis, Emily and Lady Hatt * {{w|David Bedella}} as Victor * {{w|Ben Small}} as Stanley * {{w|Glenn Wrage}} as Cranky * [[w:William Hope (actor)|William Hope]] as Edward, Toby, Rocky and Farmer McColl ===UK dub=== * Narrated by {{w|Michael Angelis}} * Ben Small as Thomas and Toby * Keith Wickham as Percy, Edward, Henry, Gordon, James and the Fat Controller * Matt Wilkinson as Kevin, Stanley, Victor, Cranky, Rocky and Farmer McColl * Teresa Gallagher as Mavis, Emily and Lady Hatt * Kerry Shale as Diesel ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Day of the Diesels}} {{Thomas & Friends}} [[Category:2024 computer-animated films]] [[Category:British computer-animated films]] [[Category:Children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:Children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:Children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:Films based on television series]] [[Category:Thomas & Friends films‎]] [[Category:Films directed by Greg Tiernan]] [[Category:Films based on animated television series]] [[Category:Films based on children's books]] rqez4pow6tpt3jofc00o5sg69mlk0rl 3949291 3949284 2026-06-05T17:57:44Z ~2026-20710-68 3308056 3949291 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic_title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Thomas and Friends/Season 1|1]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 2|2]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 3|3]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 4|4]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 5|5]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 6|6]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 7|7]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 8|8]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 9|9]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 10|10]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 11|11]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 12|12]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 13|13]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 14|14]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 15|15]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 16|16]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 17|17]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 18|18]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 19|19]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 20|20]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 21|21]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 22|22]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 23|23]] [[Wikia:TTTE:Season 24|24]] | '''Movies''': [[Thomas and the Magic Railroad]] / [[Calling All Engines!]] / [[The Great Discovery]] / [[Hero of the Rails]] / [[Thomas & Friends: Misty Island Rescue|Misty Island Rescue]] / '''Day of the Diesels''' / [[Blue Mountain Mystery]] / [[Thomas & Friends: King of the Railway|King of the Railway]] / [[Tale of the Brave]] / [[The Adventure Begins]] / [[Thomas & Friends: Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure|Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure]] / [[The Great Race (Thomas)|The Great Race]] / [[Journey Beyond Sodor]] / [[Big World! Big Adventures!]] | [[Thomas and Friends|Main]] ---- '''''Day of the Diesels''''' (originally under the working title '''''Charge of the Steam Brigade''''') is a 2024 movie special of ''[[Thomas and Friends|Thomas & Friends]]''. This special takes place between [[Thomas and Friends/Season 22|Season 22 and [[Thomas and Friends/Season 23|23]]. {{film-stub}} ==Sir Topham Hatt== * Diesel 10! What do you think you are doing?! * Diesel 10: Uh, eh, I.. um.. * You, Diesel 10, are an engine on my railway! You will do as I say when I say it! Do you understand?!?! ''[Diesel 10 whimpers]'' You have caused confusion and delay! The Dieselworks has been on fire! The Steamworks has been bashed and banged! And because of you, none of my engines is being really useful! You will put right everything you damaged! '''==Percy is replaced by Flynn==''' Narrator:Flynn Was in Percy’s place at tidmouth sheds next to Thomas, Flynn:Percy, good to see you, Thomas said l could ease my extras here, narrator: until you came back of course, Percy wheeshed and Percy whooshed he was upset, Thomas: where have you been, Percy, narrator: Percy looked at Thomas, his best friend, didn’t feel like his best friend anymore, that made Percy feel lonely, Gordon: What’s the matter, Percy, Percy: you can stay in my place, old fire engine, Flynn, I am busy, I have a puff away, narrator: Percy had made a decision he would take Kevin to the dieselworks, (Percy crying quietly), ==Cast== * {{w|Teresa Gallagher}} as Belle * {{w|Matt Wilkinson}} as Diesel 10 * {{w|Keith Wickham}} as Salty, Paxton, Den and Dowager Hatt * {{w|Rupert Degas}} as Dart and Flynn * {{w|Kerry Shale}} as 'Arry, Bert, Sidney and Norman ===US dub=== * {{w|Michael Brandon}} as Diesel and the Narrator * [[w:Martin Sherman (actor)|Martin Sherman]] as Percy and Thomas * Kerry Shale as Kevin, Henry, Gordon, James and Sir Topham Hatt * {{w|Jules de Jongh}} as Mavis, Emily and Lady Hatt * {{w|David Bedella}} as Victor * {{w|Ben Small}} as Stanley * {{w|Glenn Wrage}} as Cranky * [[w:William Hope (actor)|William Hope]] as Edward, Toby, Rocky and Farmer McColl ===UK dub=== * Narrated by {{w|Michael Angelis}} * Ben Small as Thomas and Toby * Keith Wickham as Percy, Edward, Henry, Gordon, James and the Fat Controller * Matt Wilkinson as Kevin, Stanley, Victor, Cranky, Rocky and Farmer McColl * Teresa Gallagher as Mavis, Emily and Lady Hatt * Kerry Shale as Diesel ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Day of the Diesels}} {{Thomas & Friends}} [[Category:2024 computer-animated films]] [[Category:British computer-animated films]] [[Category:Children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:Children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:Children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:Films based on television series]] [[Category:Thomas & Friends films‎]] [[Category:Films directed by Greg Tiernan]] [[Category:Films based on animated television series]] [[Category:Films based on children's books]] 5glyqltiaupqyu7hg6s7hmm27p7c6fb 3949292 3949291 2026-06-05T17:59:19Z ~2026-20710-68 3308056 3949292 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic_title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Thomas and Friends/Season 1|1]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 2|2]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 3|3]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 4|4]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 5|5]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 6|6]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 7|7]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 8|8]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 9|9]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 10|10]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 11|11]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 12|12]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 13|13]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 14|14]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 15|15]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 16|16]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 17|17]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 18|18]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 19|19]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 20|20]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 21|21]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 22|22]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 23|23]] [[Wikia:TTTE:Season 24|24]] | '''Movies''': [[Thomas and the Magic Railroad]] / [[Calling All Engines!]] / [[The Great Discovery]] / [[Hero of the Rails]] / [[Thomas & Friends: Misty Island Rescue|Misty Island Rescue]] / '''Day of the Diesels''' / [[Blue Mountain Mystery]] / [[Thomas & Friends: King of the Railway|King of the Railway]] / [[Tale of the Brave]] / [[The Adventure Begins]] / [[Thomas & Friends: Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure|Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure]] / [[The Great Race (Thomas)|The Great Race]] / [[Journey Beyond Sodor]] / [[Big World! Big Adventures!]] | [[Thomas and Friends|Main]] ---- '''''Day of the Diesels''''' (originally under the working title '''''Charge of the Steam Brigade''''') is a 2024 movie special of ''[[Thomas and Friends|Thomas & Friends]]''. This special takes place between [[Thomas and Friends/Season 25/Season 25 and [[Thomas and Friends/Season 26|26]]. {{film-stub}} ==Sir Topham Hatt== * Diesel 10! What do you think you are doing?! * Diesel 10: Uh, eh, I.. um.. * You, Diesel 10, are an engine on my railway! You will do as I say when I say it! Do you understand?!?! ''[Diesel 10 whimpers]'' You have caused confusion and delay! The Dieselworks has been on fire! The Steamworks has been bashed and banged! And because of you, none of my engines is being really useful! You will put right everything you damaged! '''==Percy is replaced by Flynn==''' Narrator:Flynn Was in Percy’s place at tidmouth sheds next to Thomas, Flynn:Percy, good to see you, Thomas said l could ease my extras here, narrator: until you came back of course, Percy wheeshed and Percy whooshed he was upset, Thomas: where have you been, Percy, narrator: Percy looked at Thomas, his best friend, didn’t feel like his best friend anymore, that made Percy feel lonely, Gordon: What’s the matter, Percy, Percy: you can stay in my place, old fire engine, Flynn, I am busy, I have a puff away, narrator: Percy had made a decision he would take Kevin to the dieselworks, (Percy crying quietly), ==Cast== * {{w|Teresa Gallagher}} as Belle * {{w|Matt Wilkinson}} as Diesel 10 * {{w|Keith Wickham}} as Salty, Paxton, Den and Dowager Hatt * {{w|Rupert Degas}} as Dart and Flynn * {{w|Kerry Shale}} as 'Arry, Bert, Sidney and Norman ===US dub=== * {{w|Michael Brandon}} as Diesel and the Narrator * [[w:Martin Sherman (actor)|Martin Sherman]] as Percy and Thomas * Kerry Shale as Kevin, Henry, Gordon, James and Sir Topham Hatt * {{w|Jules de Jongh}} as Mavis, Emily and Lady Hatt * {{w|David Bedella}} as Victor * {{w|Ben Small}} as Stanley * {{w|Glenn Wrage}} as Cranky * [[w:William Hope (actor)|William Hope]] as Edward, Toby, Rocky and Farmer McColl ===UK dub=== * Narrated by {{w|Michael Angelis}} * Ben Small as Thomas and Toby * Keith Wickham as Percy, Edward, Henry, Gordon, James and the Fat Controller * Matt Wilkinson as Kevin, Stanley, Victor, Cranky, Rocky and Farmer McColl * Teresa Gallagher as Mavis, Emily and Lady Hatt * Kerry Shale as Diesel ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Day of the Diesels}} {{Thomas & Friends}} [[Category:2024 computer-animated films]] [[Category:British computer-animated films]] [[Category:Children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:Children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:Children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:Films based on television series]] [[Category:Thomas & Friends films‎]] [[Category:Films directed by Greg Tiernan]] [[Category:Films based on animated television series]] [[Category:Films based on children's books]] 993x8fthfrkiip6q647v1y5b7bhrg13 3949314 3949292 2026-06-05T20:31:34Z ~2026-20710-68 3308056 3949314 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic_title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Thomas and Friends/Season 1|1]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 2|2]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 3|3]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 4|4]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 5|5]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 6|6]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 7|7]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 8|8]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 9|9]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 10|10]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 11|11]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 12|12]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 13|13]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 14|14]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 15|15]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 16|16]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 17|17]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 18|18]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 19|19]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 20|20]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 21|21]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 22|22]] [[Thomas and Friends/Season 23|23]] [[Wikia:TTTE:Season 24|24]] | '''Movies''': [[Thomas and the Magic Railroad]] / [[Calling All Engines!]] / [[The Great Discovery]] / [[Hero of the Rails]] / [[Thomas & Friends: Misty Island Rescue|Misty Island Rescue]] / '''Day of the Diesels''' / [[Blue Mountain Mystery]] / [[Thomas & Friends: King of the Railway|King of the Railway]] / [[Tale of the Brave]] / [[The Adventure Begins]] / [[Thomas & Friends: Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure|Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure]] / [[The Great Race (Thomas)|The Great Race]] / [[Journey Beyond Sodor]] / [[Big World! Big Adventures!]] | [[Thomas and Friends|Main]] ---- '''''Day of the Diesels''''' (originally under the working title '''''Charge of the Steam Brigade''''') is a 2024 movie special of ''[[Thomas and Friends|Thomas & Friends]]''. This special takes place between [[Thomas and Friends/Season 25/Season 25 and [[Thomas and Friends/Season 26|26]]. {{film-stub}} ==Sir Topham Hatt== * Diesel 10! What do you think you are doing?! * Diesel 10: Uh, eh, I.. um.. * You, Diesel 10, are an engine on my railway! You will do as I say when I say it! Do you understand?!?! ''[Diesel 10 whimpers]'' You have caused confusion and delay! The Dieselworks has been on fire! The Steamworks has been bashed and banged! And because of you, none of my engines is being really useful! You will put right everything you damaged! '''==Percy is replaced by Flynn==''' Narrator:Flynn Was in Percy’s place at tidmouth sheds next to Thomas, Flynn:Percy, good to see you, Thomas said l could ease my extras here, narrator: until you came back of course, Percy wheeshed and Percy whooshed he was upset, Thomas: where have you been, Percy, narrator: Percy looked at Thomas, his best friend, didn’t feel like his best friend anymore, that made Percy feel lonely, Gordon: What’s the matter, Percy, Percy: you can stay in my place, old fire engine, Flynn, I am busy, I have a puff away, narrator: Percy had made a decision he would take Kevin to the dieselworks, (Percy crying quietly), ==Cast== * {{w|Teresa Gallagher}} as Belle * {{w|Matt Wilkinson}} as Diesel 10 * {{w|Keith Wickham}} as Salty, Paxton, Den and Dowager Hatt * {{w|Rupert Degas}} as Dart and Flynn * {{w|Kerry Shale}} as 'Arry, Bert, Sidney and Norman ===US dub=== * {{w|Michael Brandon}} as Diesel and the Narrator * [[w:Martin Sherman (actor)|Martin Sherman]] as Percy and Thomas * Kerry Shale as Kevin, Henry, Gordon, James and Sir Topham Hatt * {{w|Jules de Jongh}} as Mavis, Emily and Lady Hatt * {{w|David Bedella}} as Victor * {{w|Ben Small}} as Stanley * {{w|Glenn Wrage}} as Cranky * [[w:William Hope (actor)|William Hope]] as Edward, Toby, Rocky and Farmer McColl ===UK dub=== * Narrated by {{w|Jack Black}} * Ben Small as Thomas and Toby * Keith Wickham as Percy, Edward, Henry, Gordon, James and the Fat Controller * Matt Wilkinson as Kevin, Stanley, Victor, Cranky, Rocky and Farmer McColl * Teresa Gallagher as Mavis, Emily and Lady Hatt * Kerry Shale as Diesel ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Day of the Diesels}} {{Thomas & Friends}} [[Category:2024 computer-animated films]] [[Category:British computer-animated films]] [[Category:Children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:Children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:Children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:Films based on television series]] [[Category:Thomas & Friends films‎]] [[Category:Films directed by Greg Tiernan]] [[Category:Films based on animated television series]] [[Category:Films based on children's books]] bf45f8x2m28fdt0xfsk6om2kz7wp9hq 0 216258 3949212 3946369 2026-06-05T14:06:55Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949212 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[WordGirl (season 1)|1]] [[WordGirl (season 2)|2]] [[WordGirl (season 3)|3]] [[WordGirl (season 4)|4]] [[WordGirl (season 5)|5]] [[WordGirl (season 6)|6]] [[WordGirl (season 7)|7]] [[WordGirl (season 8)|8]] | [[WordGirl|Main]] ---- '''''{{w|WordGirl}}''''' is an American animated television series produced by the Soup2Nuts animation unit of Scholastic Entertainment for PBS Kids. The series stars WordGirl, a girl with superpowers whose secret identity is Becky Botsford, a student. The show was aimed was elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 6 to 13. ==Seasons== ::[[WordGirl (season 1)|Season 1]] ::[[WordGirl (season 2)|Season 2]] ::[[WordGirl (season 3)|Season 3]] ::[[WordGirl (season 4)|Season 4]] ::[[WordGirl (season 5)|Season 5]] ::[[WordGirl (season 6)|Season 6]] ::[[WordGirl (season 7)|Season 7]] ::[[WordGirl (season 8)|Season 8]] ==Funding Spoils== :'''Announcer''': Wordgirl is made possible by: The Corporation for Public Broadcasting's Ready to Learn Grant, and by Viewers Like You. Thank You. (''WordGirl flies off'') ==Cast== * {{w|Dannah Phirman|Dannah F. Phirman}} as WordGirl/Becky Bostford * Captain Huggy Face/Bob (voiced by {{w|James Adomian}}) * The Narrator (voiced by {{w|Chris Parnell}}) * T.J. Bostford Dr. Two Brains Warden Chalmers (voiced by {{w|Tom Kenny}}) ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Flash animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Elementary school TV shows]] [[Category:WordGirl]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:TVOntario shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about monkeys]] car7pytx7q386lpm3knfzdn3ym12jze 0 217054 3949298 3940898 2026-06-05T18:41:09Z GrimRob 1187925 /* 2026–present */ Musk 3949298 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer Official Portrait (cropped).jpg|thumb|Politics can be a force for good. We will show that.]] '''[[w:Keir Starmer|Sir Keir Starmer]]''' [[w:Keir Starmer|KCB]] [[w:King's Counsel|KC]] (/ˈkɪər ˈstɑːrmər/; born 2 September 1962) is a British [[w:Labour Party (UK)|Labour Party]] politician who is [[w:Prime Minister of the United Kingdom|Prime Minister of the United Kingdom]] since the [[w:2024 United Kingdom general election|2024 general election]]. A former [[w:barrister|barrister]], he was elected as [[w:leader of the Labour Party (UK)|Leader of the Labour Party]] in April 2020, becoming [[w:Leader of the Opposition (United Kingdom)|Leader of the Opposition]]. Previously, he was the [[w:Director of Public Prosecutions (England and Wales)|Director of Public Prosecutions]] (DPP) and the Head of the [[w:Crown Prosecution Service|Crown Prosecution Service]] (CPS). == Quotes == [[File:Official portrait of Keir Starmer.jpg|thumb|[T]he government aims high.]] * [I ask] the question of the role the police should play, if any, in civil society. Who are they protecting and from what? ** Opinion piece on the {{w|Wapping dispute}} (1986), as quoted in Patrick Maguire, [https://www.newstatesman.com/long-reads/2020/03/keir-starmer-sensible-radical "Keir Starmer: The sensible radical"], ''The New Statesman'' (31 March 2020) === 2016 === *The referendum is clear and has to be accepted and we can't have a re-run of the question that was put to the country earlier this year. But, and it's a big but, there has to be democratic grip of the process and, at the moment, what the prime minister's trying to do is to manoeuvre without any scrutiny in [[Parliament of the United Kingdom|Parliament]] and that's why the terms on, which we're going to negotiate absolutely have to be put to a vote in the House. **[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-37600563 "Brexit: MPs should vote on talks, says Labour's Starmer"] ''BBC News'' (9 October 2016) *We accept and respect the outcome of the referendum. **[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-37860618 "Reality Check: Could High Court ruling on Article 50 scupper Brexit?"] ''BBC News'' (3 November 2016) *What I think is really important is that the government aims high. My worry is that the [[Government of the United Kingdom|government]] has attached so much importance to [[immigration]] that it's not even going to try to get the best access to the single market. In other words, it's going to give up before it starts. My sense is that the government is saying 'because we want to take such a hard line on immigration we are going to give up on parts of the argument that would be better for the economy'. **[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-politics-37936401 "Brexit talks should include free movement, says Keir Starmer"] ''BBC News'' (10 November 2016) === 2017 === *I wish the result had gone the other way. I campaigned passionately for that. But as democrats our party has to accept that result and it follows that the prime minister should not be blocked from starting the Article 50 negotiations. **[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-38799686 "Brexit decision 'difficult' for Labour, Keir Starmer says"] ''BBC News'' (31 January 2017) * What's clear, from the CBI and others, is that there is no result that would be worse for the British economy than leaving [the EU] with no deal ** [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-39277845 "Brexit: Donald Tusk warns UK against 'no deal threat'"] ''BBC News'' (15 March 2017) *The Labour Party has supported strong counter-terrorism legislation over the years and we have that commitment in our manifesto **[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-40186744 "Labour's Keir Starmer says IRA comments were 'regrettable'"] ''BBC News'' (7 June 2017) *We are absolutely clear we can not have a hard border we need to negotiate with our EU partners. **[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-40186744 "Labour's Keir Starmer says IRA comments were 'regrettable'"] ''BBC News'' (7 June 2017) *Labour would seek a transitional deal that maintains the same basic terms that we currently enjoy with the EU. That means we would seek to remain in a customs union with the [[European Union|EU]] and within the single market during this period. It means we would abide by the common rules of both. **[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-41064314 "Brexit: Keep single market for transition period - Labour"] ''BBC News'' (27 August 2017) *Remaining in a form of customs union after a transition post-Brexit phase remained a possible end destination for the Labour party. **[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-41378928 "Labour conference: Starmer claims 'grown-up' Brexit stance"] ''BBC News'' (25 September 2017) *[I want a partnership with the EU that] retains the benefits of the single market and the customs union **[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-42298971 "Brexit: David Davis wants 'Canada plus plus plus' trade deal"] ''BBC News'' (10 December 2017) === 2018 === *Obviously, there are lots of benefits from a customs union, none more so, in many respects, than in Northern Ireland. **[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-42853018 "Sir Keir Starmer makes NI warning over Brexit deal"] ''BBC News'' (29 January 2018) *We all want to do bold new trade agreements but we would be better off doing that with the EU. **[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-43186005 "Labour wants permanent customs union treaty after Brexit - Starmer"] ''BBC News'' (25 February 2018) *Benefits of the single market and customs union... need to be hard-wired into the final agreement **[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-43513287 "Labour frontbencher Owen Smith backs another EU referendum"] ''BBC News'' (23 March 2018) *There's a growing view, I think probably a majority view in Parliament now, that it's in our national interests and economic interests to stay in a customs union with the EU. We've got a huge manufacturing sector in the UK that needs to be protected, with many goods going over borders many, many times, and we need to protect that. **[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-43821737 "Brexit: Senior MPs to force customs union vote"] ''BBC News'' (19 April 2018) *It is right for Parliament to have the first say but if we need to break the impasse, our options must include campaigning for a public vote and nobody is ruling out Remain as an option. **[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-45631792 "Labour conference: Members vote to keep referendum option open"] ''BBC News'' (25 September 2018) *I remain as convinced as ever that the consequences of no deal would be so severe that it cannot be allowed to happen. **[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-46168194 "Brexit: New referendum still an option, says Emily Thornberry"] ''BBC News'' (11 November 2018) === 2019 === *During the talks, almost literally as we were sitting in the room talking, cabinet members and wannabe Tory leaders were torpedoing the talks with remarks about not being willing to accept the customs union. In terms of the team that we were negotiating with, I'm not blaming them. Circling around those that were in the room trying to negotiate were others who didn't want the negotiation to succeed because they had their eye on what was coming next. **[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-48319757 "Brexit: Withdrawal Agreement Bill 'should include public vote'"] ''BBC News'' (18 May 2019) *When you say you will leave without a deal - do or die - what sort of message does that send to the people of Northern Ireland? **[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-49797636 "Sir Keir Starmer: MPs 'casual' about no-deal Brexit for NI"] ''BBC News'' (23 September 2019) === 2020 === [[File:Keir Starmer sidebar.jpg|thumb|[I]f you are anti-Semitic, you cannot and should not be in the Labour Party. No ifs, no buts.]] * I don’t think there are big issues on which I’ve changed my mind. The big issue we were grappling with then was how the Labour Party, or the left generally, bound together the wider movement and its strands of equality – feminist politics, green politics, LGBT – which I thought was incredibly exciting, incredibly important. ** Quoted in Patrick Maguire, [https://www.newstatesman.com/long-reads/2020/03/keir-starmer-sensible-radical "Keir Starmer: The sensible radical"], ''The New Statesman'' (31 March 2020) * [[w:Passover|Passover]] is also a fitting moment for me to acknowledge the pain and hurt that the Labour Party has caused Jewish people in recent years. [[Antisemitism|Anti-Semitism]] has been a stain on our party. I have seen first-hand the unacceptable and unimaginable levels of grief and distress it has caused many in the [[Jews|Jewish]] community and beyond. It is why my very first act on becoming leader over the weekend was to apologise for the hurt that has been caused. I want to apologise again and reiterate my pledge to tear out this poison by its roots. * The principle of what I want to achieve is clear: if you are anti-Semitic, you cannot and should not be in the Labour Party. No ifs, no buts. ** [https://www.standard.co.uk/comment/comment/i-apologise-to-the-jewish-community-rebuilding-your-trust-starts-now-a4408901.html "Keir Starmer: I apologise to the Jewish community — rebuilding your trust starts now"] ''Evening Standard'' (7 April 2020) ** Extracts from a pre-recorded speech on 4 April 2020 when Starmer became leader of the Labour Party. See [[Antisemitism in the UK Labour Party]]. === 2021 === [[File:Keir Starmer- Remembrance Sunday at the Cenotaph.jpg|thumb|I will change the things that need changing and that is the change that I will bring about.]] *There are four [[Elections in the United Kingdom|elections]] on Thursday 6 May. **[https://twitter.com/kglasss/status/1390230023290957829 Twitter] ''Kieran Glasssmith'' *I will change the things that need changing and that is the change that I will bring about. **[https://twitter.com/AdamBienkov/status/1390685349341548547 Twitter] ''Adam Bienkov'' * I've got to do [[Neil Kinnock|Kinnock]] and [[Tony Blair|Blair]]'s job in one term. ** Conversation with [[w:Jason Cowley (journalist)|Jason Cowley]] (summer 2021), recounted in [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/keir-starmer-politics-prime-minister-labour-7dbz3cq0j "The Keir Starmer I know: an outsider driven by self-belief, not politics"], ''The Sunday Times'' (25 May 2024). ** The Labour leaders Neil Kinnock (1983–1992) and Tony Blair (from 1994) are most credited with ending one of the party's extended periods of being out of power (1979–1997). === 2022 === * What a pathetic spectacle: the dying act of his [Boris Johnson's] political career is to parrot that nonsense. As for those who are left, they are only in office because no one else is prepared to debase themselves any longer—the charge of the lightweight brigade. Have some self-respect! For a week, he has had them defending his decision to promote [[w:Chris Pincher|[Chris Pincher]]] a sexual predator. Every day, the lines he has forced them to take have been untrue: first, that he was unaware of any allegation—untrue; then, that he was unaware of any “specific” allegation—untrue; then, that he was unaware of any “serious, specific” allegation; and now he wants them to go out and say that he simply forgot that his Whip was a sexual predator. Anyone with anything about them would be long gone from his Front Bench. In the middle of a crisis, does the country not deserve better than a Z-list cast of nodding dogs? **Starmer's questions to Prime Minister [[w:Boris Johnson|Boris Johnson]] regarding the [[w:Chris Pincher scandal|Chris Pincher scandal]], during one of his last Prime Ministers' Questions sessions, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVyUMjcnNvQ via UK Parlament's YouTube channel] (6 July 2022) * So let me be very clear: with Labour, Britain will not go back into the EU. We will not be joining the single market. We will not be joining a customs union. ** Speech quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2022/jul/04/starmer-ends-labour-silence-on-brexit-as-he-rules-out-rejoining-single-market "Starmer ends Labour silence on Brexit as he rules out rejoining single market"], ''The Guardian'' (4 July 2022). * [Asked if he was concerned about the police dealing with anti-monarchist protesters during a period of national mourning six days after Queen [[Elizabeth II]] died.] The word I would use around that issue is respect. I think if people have spent a long time waiting to come forward to have that moment as the coffin goes past or whatever it may be, I think respect that, because people have made a huge effort to come and have that private moment to say thank you to Queen Elizabeth II.<br>Respect that. Obviously we have to respect the fact that some people disagree. One of the great British traditions is the ability to protest and to disagree.<br>But I think if it can be done in the spirit of respect. Respect the fact that hundreds of thousands of people do want to come forward and have that moment. Don’t ruin it for them.<br>But also we do need to respect the fact that other people must be entitled to express their different views. ** Comments on the ''BBC Breakfast'' programme, cited in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2022/09/14/dont-ruin-period-mourning-sir-keir-starmer-tells-anti-royalists/ "Don't 'ruin' the period of mourning, Sir Keir Starmer tells anti-royalists"] ''The Telegraph'' (14 September 2022) * Today I want to set out what's at stake for Britain, because while politics is always about choices, the choice now is as stark as it gets. We face a battle for the soul of our country, who we are, who we're for, and the Labour choices of Britian is that it's greener, fairer, and more dynamic. **[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhaW-WfyiQU/As Government is in turmoil, Starmer calls for an Election] Speech (October 2022) * The lady's not for turning up. **Starmer to [[Penny Mordaunt]] about [[Liz Truss]], as cited in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/liz-truss-penny-mordaunt-starmer-b2204440.html "Liz Truss accused of ‘hiding away’ after sending Penny Mordaunt to face MPs in her place"], ''The Independent'' (17 October 2024) ** An allusion to a comments by [[Margaret Thatcher]] at the 1980 Conservative Party conference ending with "You turn if you want to. The lady's not for turning". [https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fashion/liz-truss-tory-leadership-thatcher-outfit-b2124664.html Truss was accused] of copying the former prime minister's wardrobe. * The only mandate she's ever had was from members opposite. It was a mandate built on fantasy economics, and it ended in disaster. The country's got nothing to show for it except the destruction of the economy and the implosion of the [[Conservative Party (UK)|Tory Party]]. I've got the list here: 45p tax cut, gone. Corporation tax cut, gone. 20p tax cut, gone. Two-year energy freeze, gone. Tax-free shopping, gone. Economic credibility, gone! And her supposed best friend [[w:Kwasi Kwarteng|the former chancellor]], he's gone as well. They're all gone! So why is she still here? **Starmer's questions to Prime Minister Liz Truss regarding the [[w:September 2022 United Kingdom mini-budget|September 2022 "mini budget"]] during her last Prime Ministers' Questions session, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVHAnuYL070 via The Guardian's YouTube channel] (19 October 2022) * The only time he ran in a competitive election, he got trounced by the former prime minister, who herself got beaten by lettuce! **Starmer's questions to Prime Minister [[w:Rishi Sunak|Rishi Sunak]] regarding Sunak losing his first leadership bid to Liz Truss, during Sunak's first Prime Ministers' Questions session, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lOCgI_WOR8 via The Guardian's YouTube channel] (25 October 2022) * So that means fair rules, firm rules, a points-based system. What I would like to see is the numbers go down in some areas. I think we're recruiting too many people from overseas into, for example, the health service. But on the other hand, if we need high-skilled people in innovation in tech to set up factories etc, then I would encourage that. * [Opposing a future Scottish independence referendum regardless of the [[Supreme Court of the United Kingdom|Supreme Court]] in [[London]] potentially deciding to accept the [[w:Scottish Parliament|Scottish Parliament]] has a legal right to hold one.] It's good the case has gone to court because I think it's better to have legal certainty, so we all know the basis on which we're operating [...] All the court is going to be able to rule is, if it does rule in favour, is that there could or can be, [that] it's legally permissible to have a referendum. That doesn't answer the political question, which is 'should there be a referendum'? ** Interviewed on ''The Sunday Show'' (BBC Scotland television programme, 6 November 2022), as cited in "Keir Starmer says NHS jobs must be filled domestically as he fails to set out democratic route to independence"], ''The Scotsman'' (7 November 2022). * We took the decision to leave and we have left. So now what we need to do is rather than just sticking with the deal we've got which is not good enough, we need to make [[Brexit]] work. ** Interviewed on ''The Sunday Show'' (BBC Scotland television programme, 6 November 2022), as quoted in [https://www.heraldscotland.com/politics/23104770.keir-starmer-no-case-returning-eu/ "Keir Starmer: There is no case for returning to the EU"] ''The Herald'' (Glasgow, 6 November 2022). ===2023 === * [[Antisemitism]] is an evil. It is a very specific type of [[racism]], one that festers and spreads like an infection. Its conspiratorial nature attracts those who would have no truck with any other form of prejudice. Indeed, it can be those who call themselves "[[Anti-racism|anti-racist]]" who are most blind to it. The reason the [[w:Equality and Human Rights Commission|Equality and Human Rights Commission]] (EHRC) opened their investigation into the Labour Party was because it had become an incubator for this poison. We needed to change. That's why my first act as leader was to commit to tearing antisemitism out by the roots, without fear or favour. * The Labour Party I lead today is unrecognisable from 2019. There are those who don't like that change, who still refuse to see the reality of what had gone on under the previous leadership. To them I say in all candour: we are never going back. If you don’t like it, nobody is forcing you to stay. * The Labour Party I lead is patriotic. It is a party of public service, not protest. It is a party of equality, justice and fairness; one that proudly puts the needs of working people above any fringe interest. It is a party that doesn't just talk about change – it delivers it. ** [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/keir-starmer-my-labour-is-patriotic-a-party-of-equality-not-protest-xgsrflzl8 "Keir Starmer: My Labour is patriotic, a party of equality not protest"] ''The Times'' (14 February 2023) * The lettuces are out, but the turnips are in. ** To Sunak at PMQs (March 2023) * They blew up for me an incredibly detailed photograph of a lung with very dark marks on it which were all the air pollution from our roads which were causing cancer in that and many other patients.<br />It's worth us all just asking ourselves...if we are not prepared to do these sort of schemes what are we going to do.<br />If increasing numbers of people, and young people as well, are getting cancer...I have to say..intake of breath when I saw the phot[o]graph, they said there are the dark areas that are lung cancer because of it (air pollution). We can’t just sit that out. ** On a visit to the [[w:Francis Crick Institute|Crick Institute]] in an interview on [[w:LBC|LBC]], as cited in [https://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/keir-starmer-greater-london-ulez-expansion-sadiq-khan-lung-cancer-b1081142.html "Keir Starmer: Ulez expansion needed to curb lung cancer"], ''Evening Standard'' (15 May 2023). * [On the [[w:Just Stop Oil|Just Stop Oil]] protests] I can't wait for them to stop their antics, frankly. They're interrupting iconic sporting events that are part of our history, tradition and massively looked forward to across the nation. I absolutely condemn the way they go about their tactics. And I have to say it's riddled with an arrogance that only they have the sort of right to force their argument on other people in this way. ** On [[w:Times Radio|Times Radio]] (6 July 2023), as cited in [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/keir-starmer-speech-protesters-climate-change-8q5l0dq0z "Keir Starmer promises compulsory arts or sport until 16"] ''The Times'' (6 July 2023) * In fact, I hate tree huggers. ** Reported (but officially denied) comments to the Shadow Cabinet after a presentation from [[Ed Miliband]] (Shadow Secretary of State for Climate Change and Net Zero), as cited in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/labour-green-climate-change-starmer-miliband-b2372012.html "'I hate tree huggers': How Starmer apparently exploded over Labour’s green policy"] ''The Independent'' (10 July 2023) ** The claim originally appeared in a [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/i-hate-tree-huggers-keir-starmer-explodes-over-green-policy-6hhnj9r9x ''Sunday Times''] article on 9 July 2023. * As for [[w:2023 Uxbridge and South Ruislip by-election|Uxbridge [and South Ruislip]]], we always knew that was going to be tough [...] [[w:Uxbridge (UK Parliament constituency)|We didn't win Uxbridge in 1997]], and obviously we knew that [[w:Ultra Low Emission Zone|ULEZ]] [(Ultra Low Emission Zone)] was an issue. That's why we lost in Uxbridge.<br />We all need to reflect on that, including [[Sadiq Khan|the mayor]] [of London], but there's no taking away from the historic event that has happened here in [[w:2023 Selby and Ainsty by-election|Selby [and Ainsty]]]. ** [https://news.sky.com/story/labours-uxbridge-defeat-sparks-blame-game-weve-got-a-lot-to-think-about-12924770 "Labour's Uxbridge defeat sparks blame game: 'We've got a lot to think about'"], ''Sky News'' (21 July 2023) ** On 20 July 2023, three by-elections were held. Labour was narrowly defeated in [[w:Uxbridge and South Ruislip (UK Parliament constituency)|Uxbridge and South Ruislip]] (the former constituency of Conservative [[Boris Johnson]]) by 495 votes, but gained [[w:Selby and Ainsty (UK Parliament constituency)|Selby and Ainsty]] from the Conservatives with a voting swing of 23.7%. * Every time there's been the threat of a rebellion he's backed down. The one thing you get if you win the leadership of your party is the right to say 'I've won the leadership and I'm going to do this, and we're going to do it and this is what I'm saying we're going to do with the party, and we're going to do it’. He doesn't have the ability to do that because he hasn't got a mandate. ** Speaking on the ''Political Party'' podcast with [[w:Matt Forde|Matt Forde]], as cited in [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/b2ee22ea-b21e-11ed-be6b-8488e113f360?shareToken=0187ff745115e9aae9a5de1e8c2a5442 "Sir Keir Starmer: I loathed unprincipled, lying Boris Johnson"] ''The Times'' (21 February 2023). === 2024 === * Further information came to light yesterday calling for decisive action, so I took decisive action. It is a huge thing to withdraw support for a Labour candidate during [[w:2024 Rochdale by-election|the course of a by-election]]. It's a tough decision, a necessary decision, but when I say the Labour Party has changed under my leadership I mean it. ** Comments in [[w:Wellingborough (UK Parliament constituency)|Wellingborough]], Northamptonshire (13 February 2024), as cited in [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/azhar-ali-latest-rochdale-labour-comments-keir-starmer-antisemitism-zqgn26cfd "Graham Jones: Labour suspends second candidate over Israel comments"], ''The Times'' (13 February 2024) ** Azhar Ali, a candidate in the [[w:2024 Rochdale by-election|2024 Rochdale by-election]] in Greater Manchester had been suspended by the Labour Party after changes to candidates listed on ballot papers could no longer be legally changed. Also suspended from the party was [[w:Graham Jones (politician)|Graham Jones]], a former Labour Party MP for [[w:Hyndburn (UK Parliament constituency)|Hyndburn]] (and selected as a candidate for the eventual [[w:2024 United Kingdom general election|July 2024 general election]] in his former seat), in the neighbouring county of Lancashire. [https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2024/feb/13/grassroots-labour-meeting-party-turmoil-suspended-candidates-azhar-ali-graham-jones Both had made antisemitic comments]. The [[w:2024 Wellingborough by-election|2024 Wellingborough by-election]] was held two days later. It was being disputed in the media that Starmer had taken "decisive action" against Azhar Ali as it had taken nearly two days before he was suspended after the first reports of his initial comments. <blockquote>Tonight the Prime Minister has finally announced the next General Election. A moment the country needs – and has been waiting for. And where, by the force of our democracy power returns to you. A chance to change for the better. Your future. Your community. Your country. It will feel like a long campaign – I’m sure of that. But no matter what else is said and done. That opportunity for change is what this election is about. Over the course of the last four years – we have changed the Labour Party. Returned it once more to the service of working people. All we ask now – humbly – is to do exactly the same for our country. And return Britain to the service of working people. To that purpose. We offer three reasons why you should change Britain with Labour.<br><br>One – because we will stop the chaos. Look around our country. The sewage in our rivers. People waiting on trolleys in A&E. Crime virtually unpunished. Mortgages and food prices – through the roof. It’s all – every bit of it – a direct result of the Tory chaos in Westminster. Time and again, they pursue their own interests. Rather than tackling the issues that affect your family. And if they get another five years, they will feel entitled to carry on exactly as they are. Nothing will change. A vote for Labour is a vote for stability – economic and political. A politics that treads more lightly on all our lives. A vote to stop the chaos.<br><br>Two – because it’s time for change. Our offer is to reset both our economy and our politics. So that they once again serve the interests of working people. We totally reject the Tory view that economic strength is somehow gifted from those at the top. Over the past fourteen years – through all the crises we have had to face – sticking with this idea has left our country exposed, insecure and unable to unlock the potential of every community. But a vote for Labour is a vote to turn the page on all that. A vote for change.<br><br>And finally, three – because we have a long-term plan to rebuild Britain. A plan that is ready to go. Fully-costed and fully funded. We can deliver economic stability. Cut the NHS waiting times. Secure our borders with a New Border Security Command. Harness Great British Energy to cut your bills for good. Tackle anti-social behaviour. And get the teachers we need in your children’s classroom.<br><br>But most of importantly of all, we do all this with a new spirit of service. Country first, party second. A rejection of the gesture politics you will see in this campaign, I have no doubt from the Tories and from the SNP. I am well aware of the cynicism people hold towards politicians at the moment. But I came into politics late, having served our country as leader of the Crown Prosecution Service. And I helped the Police Service in Northern Ireland to gain the consent of all communities. Service of our country is the reason – and the only reason – why I am standing here now – asking for your vote. And I believe with patience, determination and that commitment to service there is so much pride and potential we can unlock across our country. So – here it is – the future of the country – in your hands. On 4th July you have the choice. And together, we can stop the chaos. We can turn the page. We can start to rebuild Britain. And change our country. Thank you.<br> * Responding to the [[w:2024 United Kingdom general election|2024 election]] being called. [https://labour.org.uk/updates/press-releases/keir-starmer-delivering-a-speech-on-the-announcement-of-the-uk-general-election/ "Keir Starmer delivering a speech on the announcement of the UK General Election"], ''Labour.org'' (22 May 2024) </blockquote> <blockquote>Now, this week is the 80th anniversary of [[w:Normandy landings|D-Day]], so I want to start by remembering the bravery of those soldiers who sailed from the South of England to the beaches of France. The individual courage and the collective strength of our troops whose sacrifice that day turned the tide of the Second World War, brought liberation to Europe, and secured our freedom. This week and every week – we will remember them. And we will honour them. Some gave their lives so we could live freely. Others returned home to build a new Britain. We salute those who remain with us today and keep the memory of their fallen comrades alive. And we recognise with one voice, as a nation, that our debt can never be paid in full.<br><br>But of course – we can honour their sacrifice with our decisions today. And we must. Because sadly, the world we live in today is perhaps more dangerous and volatile than at any time since then, and frankly, for my generation, that’s a shock. I mean, I remember vividly the day the [[w:Fall of the Berlin Wall|Berlin Wall came down]] in 1989. I remember how I felt. A sense of freedom, of possibility, of peace. European countries once again free to choose their own futures, new allegiances being made, friendships forged out of the scars of war. And above all, a sense – as the wall came down – nothing like that could happen again. An end of an era.<br><br>I didn't think that in my lifetime I would see Russian tanks entering a European country again. The rumble of war rolling across our continent, soldiers kissing their children goodbye, desperate families fleeing across European borders in search of safety. But in that moment, as we saw those pictures from Kyiv, I understood. The post-war era is over and a new age of insecurity has begun. An era where the burden of history – for people and nations will once again, be heavier on our backs. National security is the most important issue of our times. Something which, of course, is always true, and which for us, if we are privileged to serve our country, will become our solemn responsibility.<br><br>That’s not something I say lightly: the security and defence of our nation is personal to my family. Like so many families, I have relatives who served in the second world war. My mum's brother, my uncle Roger, served in the [[w:Falklands War|Falklands]] on [[w:HMS Antelope (F170)|HMS Antelope]]. And I remember the terrible wait when his ship was bombed. My mum’s fear as she sat by the radio every day, listening for news, and then the relief, a long week later, when we found out he had survived. So I know the courage, the service, and the sacrifice that allows us to sleep soundly at night from our forces and their families. I know it. I respect it. And I will serve it – with every decision. It is part of my story, and the reason why I said – from day one of my leadership – that the Labour Party had to change. Change for a purpose. To respect your service, face the future in this dangerous world, and above all – to keep Britain safe. That is why, with my changed Labour Party, national security will always come first. That’s a message I took to Kyiv last year when I visited [[Volodymyr Zelenskyy|President Zelensky]]. A pledge of unwavering British support in the face of Russian tyranny. But we have to be resolute, not just in our support for Ukraine but also – in this era, at home. We must face down malign actors who try to attack and weaken our nation, and not just through traditional warfare over air, land and sea, but with hybrid threats – to our energy supply, cyber security, information warfare.<br><br> Now – I would prefer if politics were kept out of this issue – even at this election. Throughout the whole of this Parliament. I have deliberately not been partisan over issues of national security. Yet just before this election, the Tories questioned this Labour Party's commitment to national security. And I will not let that stand. The people of Britain need to know that their leaders will keep them safe – and we will. Furthermore, the truth is that after 14 years of the Tories, we are less safe and less secure. You don't have to take my word for it. The Tory's own former defence secretary says the government has failed to take defence seriously. We have the smallest army since the time of Napoleon, at a time when other countries are firmly on a war footing. So – even as we work tirelessly for peace, we have to be fit to fight. So let me be unequivocal. This Labour Party is totally committed to the security of our nation. To our armed forces. And, importantly, to our nuclear deterrent.<br><br> Just a few weeks ago I visited BAE Systems in Barrow-in-Furness. I was the first Labour leader to visit in 30 years. I saw the nuclear submarines being made. I saw an industry that supports the local community and I met workers who are proud to be doing their bit for our national security. They deserve our full support, and they will get it. The nuclear deterrent is the foundation of any plan to keep Britain safe – it is essential. That's why Labour has announced a new triple-lock commitment to our nuclear deterrent. We'll maintain Britain’s Continuous at Sea deterrent 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Deliver all the needed future upgrades and we will build four new nuclear submarines like the ones I saw in Barrow. That won't just keep us safe, it will also support good jobs and growth across the UK. One of my first visits after I became leader of the Labour Party was to Plymouth, the frontline of defence in this country. Devonport alone employs 2,500 service people and civilians, it supports 400 local businesses, and it generates around 10% of Plymouth’s income. And when I was there, I met the shipbuilding apprentices – talented, ambitious young people. And I looked them in the eye and promised that I would fight for the future of Plymouth’s defence industry. And I will. Because it's only by harnessing and supporting the strength of proud communities like Plymouth, Barrow, Aldershot, and so many more, that means we can safeguard our security and our growth for the decades to come. I mean look at Ukraine now. Industrial capacity is an absolutely critical part of security. So with Labour, Britain will be fit to fight.<br><br> Within the first year of a Labour government, we will carry out a new strategic defence review. And we're absolutely committed to spending 2.5% of GDP on defence as soon as possible, because we know our security isn't just vital for our safety today, it's absolutely central to our success for the future. National security and economic security must go hand in hand. And we also know that playing our part on the world stage makes us stronger and better off at home.<br><br> So make no mistake: I am absolutely committed to rebuilding relationships with our allies. I went to the Munich Security Conference back in February, I met with world leaders from the US, Europe and the Middle East and I met the Secretary General of NATO. And I pledged to each of them that with a Labour government, the UK would be a point of stability in a chaotic world, that we would always meet our international obligations, take our responsibilities seriously and be a leader on the world stage once more. Because when I spoke about D-Day at the beginning I wasn't just talking about respect for our past, I was thinking about our future as well. Because that is the best example of what cooperation can achieve in the face of fascism and aggression. Our joint endeavour, our shared values, our common respect for freedom, democracy, liberty, that's what we were fighting for and that fight never stops. There is a narrative you see sometimes that our values are a point of weakness. That’s what [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]] thinks. But he's wrong. Ukraine has shown that, and we must be prepared to stand up as well, because those values are our cause and our strength.<br><br> Let me be clear. This is not a party-political issue, this is a national issue. It affects every single individual, every community, and Labour will always put our country first. We will serve working people across our nation, and respect our armed forces as they continue to protect our country. But on July 4th there is a choice. And you can choose to rebuild a country that is proud to stand shoulder to shoulder with European allies, that leads the way in standing up for our values and our freedom, all around the world, and that will never shy away from doing our duty at home and abroad. A stronger, safer, more secure Britain with Labour. That is the choice. It’s time to stop the chaos, time to turn the page and rebuild our country, together. Thank you very much.<br> * From the manifesto launch, as cited in [https://labour.org.uk/updates/press-releases/keir-starmer-a-stronger-safer-more-secure-britain-speech/ "Keir Starmer – A stronger, safer, more secure Britain speech"], Labour Party press release (3 June 2024)</blockquote> * This is a serious plan, carefully thought through. It is not about rabbits out of the hat, it's not about pantomime, we've had enough of that. I'm running as a candidate to be prime minister, not a candidate to run the circus. * If you want politics as pantomime, I hear Clacton is nice this time of year. ** Speaking to journalists at the manifesto launch, as cited in Jennifer Scott, [https://news.sky.com/story/labour-launches-manifesto-as-sir-keir-starmer-pledges-to-end-desperate-era-of-gimmicks-and-rebuild-britain-13152379 "Labour launches manifesto as Sir Keir Starmer pledges to end political 'pantomime' and 'rebuild Britain'"], ''Sky News'' (3 June 2024). ** [[Nigel Farage]], the [[w:Reform UK|Reform UK]] candidate in [[w:Clacton (UK Parliament constituency)|Clacton]], was gaining significant media attention. * We did it.<br />You campaigned for it, you fought for it, you voted for it and now it has arrived. Change begins now.<br />And it feels good, I have to be honest.<br />Four-and-a-half years of work changing the party. This is what it is for – a changed Labour Party ready to serve our country, ready to restore Britain to the service of working people.<br />And across our country, people will be waking up to the news – relieved that a weight has been lifted, a burden finally removed from the shoulders of this great nation.<br />And now we can look forward again, walk into the morning, the sunlight of hope, pale at first, but getting stronger through the day, shining once again on a country with the opportunity after 14 years to get its future back.<br />And I want to thank each and every one of you here for campaigning so hard for change, and not just in this campaign either – also for these four-and-a-half years changing our party.<br />The Labour movement is always – everything’s achieved past and future – down to the efforts of its people.<br />So thank you truly – you have changed our country.<br />But a mandate like this comes with great responsibility.<br />Our task is nothing less than renewing ideas that hold this country together – national renewal.<br />Whoever you are, wherever you started in life, if you work hard, if you play by the rules, this country should give you a fair chance to get on.<br />It should always respect your contribution and we have to restore that.<br />And alongside that, we have to return politics to public service, show that politics can be a force for good.<br />Make no mistake, that is the great test of politics in this era – the fight for trust is the battle that defines our age.<br />It is why we campaigned so hard on demonstrating we are fit for public service.<br />Service is the pre-condition for hope, respect the bond that can unite a country.<br />Together, the values of this changed Labour Party are the guiding principle for a new government – country first, party second.<br />That is the responsibility of this mandate.<br />You know, 14 years ago, we were told that we're all in it together.<br />I say to the British people today, imagine what we can do if that were actually true.<br />So by all means, enjoy this moment. Nobody can say you haven’t waited patiently.<br />Enjoy the feeling of waking up on a morning like this with the emotion that you do see the country through the same eyes.<br />Hold onto it, because it is what unity is made from, but use it to show to the rest of the country, as we must, that this party has changed, that we will serve them faithfully, govern for every single person in this country.<br />But also don’t forget how we got here.<br />This morning, we can see that the British people have voted to turn the page on 14 years but don’t pretend that there was anything inevitable about that – there’s nothing pre-ordained in politics.<br />Election victories don’t fall from the sky.<br />They’re hard won and hard fought for, and this one could only be won by a changed Labour Party.<br />We have the chance to repair our public services because we’ve changed the party.<br />We have the chance to make work pay because we’ve changed the party.<br />We have the chance to deliver for working people, young people, vulnerable people, the poorest in our society because we’ve changed the party.<br />'Country first, party second' isn’t a slogan – it's the guiding principle (of) everything we have done and must keep on doing – on the economy, on national security, on protecting our borders.<br />The British people have to look us in the eye and see that we can serve their interest and that work doesn’t stop now – it never stops.<br />The changes we've made are permanent, irreversible and we must keep going.<br />We ran as a changed Labour Party and we will govern as a changed Labour Party.<br />I don't promise you it will be easy. Changing a country's not like flicking a switch, it's hard work, patient work, determined work, and we will have to get moving immediately.<br />But even when the going gets tough, and it will, remember, tonight and always, what this is all about.<br />Now I may have mentioned my parents a few times in this campaign – once or twice – but the sense of security we had, the comfort they took from believing that Britain would always be better for their children, the hope, not high-minded, not idealistic, but a hope that working-class families like mine could build their lives around.<br />It is hope that may not burn brightly in Britain at the moment, but we have earned the mandate to relight the fire. That is the purpose of this party and of this Government.<br />We said we would end the chaos and we will. We said we would turn the page and we have. Today we start the next chapter, begin the work of change, the mission of national renewal and start to rebuild our country.<br />Thank you. ** Speech after winning a landslide victory (5 July 2024) * I call again for...the return of the sausages. ** Speech at the Labour Party Conference in Liverpool (22 September 2024) <!-- Quoted in Peter Hitchens, "The Disguise of Dullness", ''The American Conservative'' (22 October 2024) --> ** He quickly corrected his malapropism ('hostages' not 'sausages') * I am clear that [[Israel]] has the right to defend itself against [[Iranian]] aggression. I'm equally clear that we need to avoid further regional escalation and urge all sides to show restraint. Iran should not respond ** [https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/british-pm-starmer-says-iran-should-not-respond-israeli-strikes-2024-10-26/ British PM Starmer says Iran should not respond to Israeli strikes] (25 October, updated 26 October, 2024) ==== First speech as Prime Minister (5 July 2024) ==== [[File:Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer arrives at 10 Downing Street (53836633106).jpg|thumb|Our country has voted decisively for change, for national renewal and a return of politics to public service … we can make a start today with the simple acknowledgement that public service is a privilege and that your government should treat every single person in this country with respect.]] :<small>[https://labourlist.org/2024/07/labour-general-election-results-starmer-full-speech-downing-street/ LabourList transcription (5 July 2024)] · [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/crgewjwqqq4o BBC transcription] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0y2wuKnF2M YouTube video]</small> [[File:Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer arrives at 10 Downing Street (53836682401).jpg|thumb|I invite you all to join this government of service in the mission of national renewal. Our work is urgent, and we begin it today.]] * I have just returned from [[w:Buckingham Palace|Buckingham Palace]], where I accepted an invitation from [[Charles III|His Majesty the King]] to form the next government of this great nation.<br />I want to thank the outgoing Prime Minister, [[Rishi Sunak]]. His achievement as the first British Asian Prime Minister of our country — the extra effort that that will have required — should not be underestimated by anyone.<br />We pay tribute to that today, and we also recognise the dedication and hard work he brought to his leadership. But now our country has voted decisively for change, for national renewal and a return of politics to public service. * When the gap between the sacrifices made by people and the service they receive from politicians grows this big, it leads to a weariness in the heart of a nation, a draining away of the hope, the spirit, the belief in a better future — that we need to move forward together. Now this wound, this lack of trust, can only be healed by actions, not words.<br />I know that, but we can make a start today with the simple acknowledgement that public service is a privilege and that your government should treat every single person in this country with respect. If you voted Labour yesterday, we will carry the responsibility of your trust as we rebuild our country.<br />But whether you voted Labour or not — in fact, especially if you did not — I say to you directly, my government will serve you. Politics can be a force for good. We will show that. We’ve changed the Labour Party, returned it to service — and that is how we will govern, country first party second. * Yet, if I am honest, service is merely a precondition of hope, and it is surely clear to everyone that our country needs a bigger reset, a rediscovery of who we are. Because no matter how fierce the storms of history, one of the great strengths of this nation has always been our ability to navigate away to calmer waters.<br />And yet this depends upon politicians, particularly those who stand for stability and moderation — as I do — recognising when we must change course. For too long now, we turned a blind eye as millions slid into greater insecurity.<br />Nurses, builders, drivers, carers, people doing the right thing, working harder every day, recognised at moments like this before, yet, as soon as the cameras stop rolling, their lives are ignored. I want to say very clearly to those people — not this time. * Changing a country is not like flicking a switch. The world is now a more volatile place. This will take a while.<br />But have no doubt that the work of change begins immediately. Have no doubt that we will rebuild Britain with wealth created in every community. * Brick by brick, we will rebuild the infrastructure of opportunity, the world class schools and colleges, the affordable homes that I know are the ingredients of hope for working people, the security that working class families like mine can build their lives around.<br />Because if I asked you now whether you believe that Britain will be better for your children, I know too many of you would say no, and so my government will fight every day until you believe again.<br />From now on, you have a government unburdened by doctrine guided only by the determination to serve your interest, to defy, quietly, those who have written our country off. * You have given us a clear mandate, and we will use it to deliver change. To restore service and respect to politics, end the era of noisy performance, tread more lightly on your lives and unite our country.<br />Four nations standing together again, facing down as we have so often in our past, the challenges of an insecure world committed to a calm and patient rebuilding. So with respect and humility, I invite you all to join this government of service in the mission of national renewal. Our work is urgent, and we begin it today. ===2025=== [[File:Donald Trump leaving Airforce One with United Kingdom Prime Minister Keir Starmer on 28 July 2025 in Scotland.jpg|thumb|Starmer with [[Donald Trump]]]] * He’s a true one-off, a pioneer in business, in politics. Many people love him. Others love to hate him. But to us, he's just... Peter. ** On Peter Mandelson in February 2025. * I actually welcome the judgment because I think it gives real clarity. It allows those that have got to draw up guidance to be really clear about what that guidance should say.<br/>So I think it's important that we see the judgment for what it is. It's a welcome step forward.<br />It's real clarity in an area where we did need clarity, I'm pleased it's come about.<br />We need to move and make sure that we now ensure that all guidance is in the right place according to that judgment. ** Speaking to a reporter, as cited in [https://www.itv.com/news/2025-04-22/keir-starmer-welcomes-clarity-on-supreme-court-gender-ruling "Prime Minister Keir Starmer welcomes 'clarity' on Supreme Court gender ruling"], ''ITV News'' (22 April 2025). ** Referring to the ''[[w:For Women Scotland Ltd v The Scottish Ministers|For Women Scotland Ltd v The Scottish Ministers]]'' decision at the UK's [[w:Supreme Court of the United Kingdom|Supreme Court]] on 16 April 2025. * Let me start by saying that the victims of Epstein are at the forefront of our minds. He was a despicable criminal who committed the most heinous crimes and destroyed the lives of so many women and girls. The ambassador has repeatedly expressed his deep regret for his association with Epstein, and he is right to do so. I have confidence in him, and he is playing an important role in the UK–US relationship. ** Statement on Mandelson at Prime Minister's Questions on 10 September 2025. ===2026–present=== * Let me start where I must: with the victims of Epstein. All our thoughts are with them. Our thoughts are also with all those who lost jobs, savings and livelihoods in the aftermath of the 2008 financial crash. To learn that there was a Cabinet Minister leaking sensitive information at the height of the response to the 2008 crash is beyond infuriating, and I am as angry as the public and any Member of this House. Mandelson betrayed our country, our Parliament and my party. He lied repeatedly to my team when asked about his relationship with Epstein, before and during his tenure as ambassador. I regret appointing him. If I knew then what I know now, he would never have been anywhere near Government. That is why yesterday the Cabinet Secretary, with my support, took the decision to refer material to the police, and there is now a criminal investigation. I have instructed my team to draft legislation to strip Mandelson of his title, and wider legislation to remove disgraced peers. This morning I have agreed with His Majesty the King that Mandelson should be removed from the list of Privy Counsellors on the grounds that he has brought the reputation of the Privy Council into disrepute. ** Statement on Mandelson at Prime Minister's Questions on 2 February 2026. * I am sorry. Sorry for what was done to you, sorry that so many people with power failed you, sorry for having believed Mandelson’s lies and appointing him. ** [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/czx3lq460n6t] Apologising to Epstein's victims amid the Peter Mandelson scandal in February 2026. * We don't support trying to deliver regime change from the air ** [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c62gwkjg0k9o Trump says Starmer is 'no Winston Churchill' over Iran strikes], ''BBC'' (3 March 2026) * It is not our war, a lot of pressure has been applied to me to take a different course and that pressure included what happened last night. I'm not going to change my mind, I'm not going to yield, it is not in our national interest to join this war and we will not do so. I know where I stand. ** Starmer resists pressure from [[Donald Trump]] to join [[2026 Iran war]], quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cdxdd7ddzgdo "Starmer says he's 'not going to yield' to pressure from Trump on Iran war"], ''BBC News'' (15 April 2026) * We need to also assert who we are as a country, because [[Elon Musk|Musk]], again, has been interfering in our politics in the last few days, trying to whip up division – that is not who we are in [[Britain]]. ** Quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c1e2ww900zno "Starmer accuses Musk of trying to whip up division over Henry Nowak murder"] ''BBC News'' (4 June 2026) ==Quotes about Starmer== * [[w:List of nicknames of prime ministers of the United Kingdom#Keir Starmer|Two-tier Keir]] ** A nickname given to Starmer in response to claims of two-tier policing, later popularised by X (Twitter) owner Elon Musk. Jessica Elgot and Rowena Mason, [https://www.theguardian.com/technology/article/2024/aug/06/elon-musk-calls-pm-two-tier-keir-over-police-response-to-uk-riots "Elon Musk calls PM ‘two-tier Keir’ over police response to UK riots"], ''The Guardian'' (7 August 2024) *As Labour MPs wargame how to depose Sir Keir Starmer, some have a strategy from the [[Margaret Thatcher]] years in mind.<br>In 1990, the former Conservative Prime Minister was told her time was up by a delegation of “men in grey suits” from her party. Now, Labour MPs are discussing sending a deputation of women to tell Starmer to resign. **[[w:Kitty Donaldson|Kitty Donaldson]] in [https://inews.co.uk/news/politics/labour-women-grey-suits-sent-tell-starmer-resign-4216005 "Labour 'women in grey suits' could be sent to tell Starmer to resign"], ''iNews'' (5 February 2026) *[H]e got into Leeds University where he was told by academics that if only the world was ruled by human rights, it would be just and peaceful and there'd be no war. So he really believes in all that. That was his formation. And then he becomes prime minister and has this terrible awareness that the world is not ruled by words and paper. There’s things like armies and war in Europe and [[Donald Trump]] got elected. This is all pretty shocking [to him]. **[[Maurice Glasman, Baron Glasman|Maurice Glasman]], quoted in Harry Lambert, '[https://harrytlambert.substack.com/p/ep-2-maurice-glasman EP #2: Maurice Glasman]', ''Substack'' (20 November 2025) * Has Britain elected a bumbling nobody to the highest office in the land? Or does his dullness conceal a driving purpose? * The worst mistake of political conservatives in the western world has been to refuse to understand and examine the length, breadth, depth, and height of the post-1968 left in Europe and North America. If you do not know what you are fighting, you will never find out why you are fighting, or how you should fight it. By becoming dull, and by speaking in code, the revolution has overwhelmed those who would have fought it with all their might if it had appeared in the guise of the Bolsheviks or the Jacobins. ** Peter Hitchens, [https://www.theamericanconservative.com/the-disguise-of-dullness/ "The Disguise of Dullness"], ''The American Conservative'' (22 October 2024) * If you want a culture wars warrior, Starmer is not your man. If you want a radical socialist who seeks to overturn capitalism, Starmer is not your man. If you want an entertainer, a comedian, a tweeter, Starmer is not your man. If you want to rerun previous leaders, [[Harold Wilson|Wilson]] or [[Tony Blair|Blair]], or someone who runs an agile team firing on all cylinders, sorry, Starmer is not your man. But if you want a leader who might start to heal the sinews of an enfeebled state and anaemic economy, and who will work in the interests of the relatively powerless, then he may very well be who we need. ** [[Andrew Marr]], [https://www.newstatesman.com/politics/labour/2024/02/keir-starmers-thirst-for-power "Keir Starmer's thirst for power"], ''The New Statesman'' (21 February 2024) * On 5 July, either Keir Starmer or I will be Prime Minister. He has shown time and time again that he will take the easy way out and do anything to get power. If he was happy to abandon all the promises he made to become Labour leader once he got the job, how can you know that he won't do exactly the same thing if he were to become Prime Minister? If you don't have the conviction to stick to anything you say, if you don't have the courage to tell people what you want to do, and if you don't have a plan, how can you possibly be trusted to lead our country, especially at this most uncertain of times? ** [[Rishi Sunak]] (22 May 2024) announcing the 2024 United Kingdom general election [https://news.sky.com/story/rishi-sunaks-full-speech-announcing-general-election-on-4-july-13141431 "Rishi Sunak's full speech announcing general election on 4 July"] * Whilst he has been my political opponent, Sir Keir Starmer will shortly become our Prime Minister. In this job, his successes will be all our successes, and I wish him and his family well. Whatever our disagreements in this campaign, he is a decent, public-spirited man, who I respect. He and his family deserve the very best of our understanding, as they make the huge transition to their new lives behind this door, and as he grapples with this most demanding of jobs in an increasingly unstable world. ** Rishi Sunak (5 July 2024); from a speech in Downing Street shortly before tendering his resignation to [[Charles III]]. As cited in [https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/i-will-resign-as-conservative-leader/ "Full text: I will resign as Conservative leader"], ''The Spectator'' (5 July 2024). * You have many great strengths that I admire. You led our party to a {{w|2024 United Kingdom general election|victory}} few thought possible in 2024 and I was proud to fight alongside you in the trenches of that campaign. You have shown courage and statesmanship on the world stage - not least in keeping Britain out of the war in Iran.{{Pb}}But where we need vision, we have a vacuum. Where we need direction, we have drift. This was underscored by your speech on Monday. Leaders take responsibility, but too often that has meant other people falling on their swords. You also need to listen to your colleagues, including backbenchers, and the heavy-handed approach to dissenting voices diminishes our politics. ** {{w|Wes Streeting}} resignation letter quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cwy21gpr1kzt "Andy Burnham to try to run for Parliament after Labour MP says he'll stand down for him"], ''BBC News'' (14 May 2026) * This is not [[Winston Churchill]] that we're dealing with. ** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c62gwkjg0k9o "Trump says Starmer is 'no Winston Churchill' over Iran strikes"], ''BBC News'' (3 March 2026) == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Wikisource author}} {{Commons category}} * {{official website|https://keirstarmer.com}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Starmer, Keir}} [[Category:1962 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Members of the Parliament of the United Kingdom]] [[Category:Labour Party (UK) politicians]] [[Category:Lawyers from England]] [[Category:People from London]] [[Category:University of Oxford alumni]] [[Category:Leaders of the Opposition (United Kingdom)]] [[Category:Prime Ministers of the United Kingdom]] bnr5r9u7n00hbiibyzqwf4d3o14h7re 0 222657 3949287 3945766 2026-06-05T17:54:41Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949287 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Berenstain Bears (1985 TV series)|The Berenstain Bears Show]]''''' is a English-language Australian 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (traditional, hand-inked, hand-painted, and hand-colored cel animation)) comedy television series, aimed at preschoolers, and from ages 3 to 6, but had stronger profane language, for adults, from ages 19 to 22, based on [[w:Stan and Jan Berenstain|Stan and Jan Berenstain]]'s ''[[w:Berenstain Bears|Berenstain Bears]]'' [[w:children's literature|children's book series]], produced by The Joseph Cates Company, [[w:Endemol Australia|Southern Star/Hanna-Barbera Australia]] and [[w:Hanna-Barbera|Hanna-Barbera]]. It aired in the United States from September 14, 1985 until December 6, 1986 on [[w:CBS|CBS]]. ==Season 1 (1985)== ===Go Fly a Kite=== ===The Trojan Pumpkin=== ===The Spooky Old Mansion=== ===The Fly Away Pizza=== ===The Giant Bat Cave=== ===The Wild Wild Honey=== ===The Neighborly Skunk=== ===The Missing Pumpkin=== ===Too Much Birthday=== :'''Mama Bear''': ''[sighing; as she piles that season's pumpkins in a wheelbarrow]'' I do hope Papa is being careful. He's taking down that big tree today, and... :'''Papa Bear''': ''[off-screen]'' '''''TIM-BERRRRRRRRRRR!!!''''' <hr width=50% /> :'''Sister Bear''': Do we have them, Papa? :'''Papa Bear''': Do we have what? :'''Sister Bear''': Annual rings. :'''Papa Bear''': ''[laughing]'' No, my dear. We have something better: ''birthdays'' and birthday ''parties''. And it seems to me that you're going to be having a birthday pretty soon. :'''Sister Bear''': A party? Am I going to have a birthday party? ''[dancing excitedly]'' A real birthday party with all the trimmings? :'''Papa Bear''': I don't see why not. <hr width=50% /> :'''Papa Bear''': Oh, good. The [[w:pony|ponies]] and the [[w:merry-go-round|merry-go-round]] are here. :'''Mama Bear''': The what? :'''Papa Bear''': Oh, didn't I tell you? I rented ponies and a merry-go-round for the party. It just wouldn't be a party without ponies and a merry-go-round. <hr width=50% /> :'''Brother Bear''': ''[as Sister pins the tail on the donkey just right]'' Terrific! Way to go! Yay, Sister! :'''Sister Bear''': ''[removing the blindfold]'' Oh goody, I won, I won! :'''Papa Bear''': ''[presenting one of Sister's friends with a prize]'' Good work, sonny. Here's your prize! :'''Sister Bear''': But Mama, I won fair and square! :'''Mama Bear''': Of course you won, sweetie, but you can't get the prize because it's your birthday. It wouldn't be polite. <hr width=50% /> :'''Papa Bear''': ''[as Sister is presented with her birthday cake]'' Okay gang, when I give the signal, Sister's gonna blow out the candles and we're all gonna sing "Happy Birthday, Sister Bear". ''[to Sister]'' Okay sweetie, get set... blow! <hr width=50% /> :''[Papa Bear, Mama Bear, Brother Bear, and Sister's friends sing "Happy Birthday Sister Bear". It is sung to the tune of [[w:London Bridge (nursery rhyme)|London Bridge]].]'' :'''Papa Bear, Brother Bear and Sister's friends''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Happy birthday, Sister Bear, ♪'' :''♪ Sister Bear, Sister Bear. ♪'' :''♪ Happy birthday, Sister Bear. ♪'' :''♪ We all love you! ♪'' :''[But after Papa, Brother and Sister's friends sing "Happy Birthday, Sister Bear", Sister begins crying.]'' :'''Mama Bear''': Sweetie, what's the matter? It's your birthday! Why are you so upset? :'''Sister Bear''': ''[in between tears]'' '''It isn't fair! I was the first one out in [[w:musical chairs|musical chairs]], I didn't get my [[w:pin the tail on the donkey|donkey game]] prize, I got bounced on the ponies, and sick in the merry-go-round. And I don't want to have six cubs, I only want to have three!''' :''[Sister resumes crying.]'' :'''Brother Bear''': Gee, Sis. How about your presents? You haven't opened them yet. :'''Papa Bear''': And cake and ice cream. You haven't had them yet, either. <hr width=50% /> :'''Sister Bear''': I want to thank you for my birthday party, Papa. You and Mama. :'''Papa Bear''': Parties ''are'' exciting, sweetie, and presents ''are'' lovely! But your Mama is right. Getting to be six years old is pretty important. And you're going to be six for a whole year, and it's up to you to make the most of it. To learn, to have fun, to grow in every way. <hr width=50% /> :'''Papa Bear''': ''[eating the last of Sister's birthday cake]'' You're absolutely right, Mama. ''[gulps]'' There is such a thing as too much birthday... and, too much birthday cake. ''[chuckles nervously]'' :''[Then the cubs chuckle along with him]'' '''NOTE''': This is one of the two episodes in the 1985 TV series where Lizzy Bruin appears in. The other is Season 2's "The Trouble with Friends". ===To the Rescue=== ===The Soccer Star=== ===Shoot the Rapids=== ===Knight to Remember=== ===The Super Duper Bowl=== ===The Not So Buried Treasure=== ===The Condemned Backscratcher=== ===Kong For a Day=== :'''Weasel McGreed''': ''[on the phone with Raffish Ralph]'' What sort of act? Uh-huh. But it better be good. In fact, it better be better than that last deal of yours. That fly away pizza was an L-E-M-O-N, LEMON! ===No Girls Allowed=== :'''Sister Bear''': Hey, terrific! A secret clubhouse! Hot diggety! A new clubhouse! A new clubhouse! :''[Sister tries to do her victory dance, but she stops when she hears a drawbridge noise. Brother and the other boys reveal a sign --attached to the underside of the clubhouse door-- which says, "NO GIRLS ALLOWED!".) :'''Sister Bear''': No girls allowed?! :'''Brother and the Other Boy Cubs''': ''[to Sister]'' '''THAT'S RIGHT! NO GIRLS ALLOWED!''' :'''Sister Bear''': '''IT IS NOT FAIR! IT IS NOT FAIR! IT JUST ISN'T FAIR!''' :''[Sister runs off crying. The scene cuts back to the treehouse. In the next scene, Sister is seen with Mama and Papa. She has presumably reported to them about the boys/big cubs not letting her into their boy's clubhouse.]'' :'''Papa Bear''': '''YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! IT ISN'T FAIR! IN FACT, IT IS FAIR TO HAVE A COMPLETE AND TOTAL OUTRAGE!''' :''[True to what Papa says, the boys not letting girls allowed is not fair for Sister and he --Papa-- agrees with that. That is, and it is fair that he --Papa-- should have a complete and total outrage. After Papa says, this he says...!]'' :'''Papa Bear''': ''[calmly, but sternly]'' '''NOW COME! WE ARE GOING TO GO BACK THERE AND MAKE THEM --THE BOYS/BIG CUBS-- TAKE YOU INTO THEIR SILLY CLUB! AND IF THEY DON'T, I AM GOING TO DESTROY THAT CLUBHOUSE LIMB FROM LIMB!''' :'''Sister Bear''': Right! :'''Mama Bear''': I don't think that's the answer. Those boys are being unfair. Sometimes boys act that way, so do girls, but whoever does it, it's wrong. The important thing is not whether you're a boy or girl, but the sort of person you are. Be that as it may, you can't make cubs play with you. :'''Sister Bear''': No, but you can tear them limb from limb! ''[to Papa]'' Come on, Papa! :'''Mama Bear''': Wouldn't it be a better idea for you to form your own club and build a secret clubhouse of your own? :'''Sister Bear''': Could I? :'''Papa Bear''': Why not? I'd be glad to help. Why, we can build it in the old climbing tree! :'''Sister Bear''': Terrific! The first thing we'll need is a big sign that says: "No Boys Allowed". :'''Mama Bear''': No, the first thing you'll need is members. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sister Bear''': Those boys were just being mean because I outhit them and won all their marbles! They're bad losers! :'''Mama Bear''': I suppose that's true, but you know, there's such a thing as a bad winner, too. :'''Sister Bear''': Bad winner? What's that? :'''Mama Bear''': A bad winner is somebody who makes a big braggy show every time she wins. :''[Sister Bear briefly imagines herself doing her victory dance whilst happily shouting "I won!" repeatedly, which is shown through a thought bubble.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': I see what you mean. :'''Mama Bear''': But I think we can work something out. ===The Missing Dinosaur Bone=== ===The Spookiest Pumpkin=== ===The Dancing Bees=== ===Learn About Strangers=== :'''Stranger''': I'm going to set up my [[w:orange|orange]]-and-[[w:green|green]] radio-controlled job and follow it in the [[w:car|car]]. Do you want to come along? :'''Brother Bear''': Wow! Can I? :'''Sister Bear''': ''[Stops him]'' '''DON'T YOU DARE!''' :''[The stranger drives away.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': ''[sing-songy]'' ♪'''BROTHER TALKED TO A STRANGER! BROTHER TALKED TO A STRANGER!'''♪ :''[Sister runs back to the house and tells Mama and Papa that Brother talked to a stranger. The scene cuts to Brother who is having a talking-to with Papa.]'' :'''Brother Bear''': But it was a big, orange-and-green radio-controlled job! :'''Papa Bear''': That doesn't matter! We have rules about strangers, and they're important! :'''Brother Bear''': We have rules about tattletales, too! :'''Mama Bear''': Sister wasn't tattling. Tattling is telling just to be mean. And Sister was telling because she loves you and she was worried. :'''Brother Bear''': Do you think that guy was a bad apple? :'''Mama Bear''': Probably not. :'''Sister Bear''': That's right, but you have to be careful, just in case. ===The Disappearing Honey=== ===In the Dark=== :'''Sister Bear''': What are you going to take out at the [[w:library|library]] today? :'''Brother Bear''': Same thing I took out last time. <hr width=50% /> :'''Brother Bear''': Help! Screamed the three friends. Help! :'''Sister Bear''': '''STOP! STOP! STOP READING! STOP! STOP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE! :'''Brother Bear''': Sister is a scaredy bear! Sister is a scaredy...! :'''Papa Bear''': Now, now! That will be enough of that! ''[To Sister]'' Now sweetie, you mustn't let your imagination run away with you like that. It's only a [[w:book|book.]] :'''Brother Bear''': ''[Agrees with Papa]'' Yeah. It's only a book. :'''Sister Bear''': '''A STUPID DOPEY SCARY BOOK! :'''Sister Bear''': I heard it! It went... ''[cowardly moaning like a ghost]'' ...ooooohhh, oooooohhhh, oooohhh! :'''Mama Bear''': Do you know anything about this, young fella? :'''Brother Bear''': It's like Papa said. She just let her imagination run away with her. :'''Papa Bear''': Uh-huh. ''[puts Sister Bear back in the top bed]'' Well, let's just put it this way. ''[angrily looking down at Brother]'' If there's anymore "ooh ooh ooh", it's going to be followed by a little "ow, ow, ow!" :'''Mama Bear''': Alright. Let's settle down and get some sleep. Papa and I are going to bed now so we'll be right by and we'll leave the lights on for the time being :'''Sister Bear''': Thank you Mama. :'''Brother Bear''': ''[Angry]'' Leave the lights on?! What about me? I can't sleep with the lights on! They keep me awake! :'''Sister Bear''': Well that's just too bad. ''[Brother angrily gets out of bed and turns the lights off.]'' '''HELP!!! CAVE MONSTERS!!! MAMA!!! PAPA!!! COME QUICK!!! <hr width=50% /> :''[During the night, Sister's fear of the dark causes disruption as the cubs' bedroom light keeps getting switched on and off...]'' :'''Sister Bear''': Help! :''[The lights go on]'' :'''Brother Bear''': Can't sleep. :''[The lights go off]'' :'''Sister Bear''': Help! :''[The lights go on again]'' :'''Brother Bear''': Can't sleep. :''[The lights go off again]'' :'''Sister Bear''': Help! :''[The lights go on yet again]'' :'''Brother Bear''': Can't sleep! :''[The lights go off yet again]'' :'''Sister Bear''': Help! :''[The lights go on]'' :'''Brother Bear''': Can't sleep... ===Ring the Bell=== ==Season 2 (1986)== ===The Messy Room=== :'''Echoing the book the episode was based with''': ''When small cubs forget to store and stash,'' :''Some of their favorite things,'' :''They go in the trash.'' <hr width=50% /> :'''Mr. Mailbear''': Good morning, Mrs. Bear. There's some mail for you. :'''Mama Bear''': Thank you, Mr. Mailbear. Oh, good. My "Treehouse Keeping" magazine. :'''Sister Bear''': Hi, Mama, excuse us. Hey, how about a game of tiddlywinks? :'''Brother Bear''': Okay. I'll race you up to our room. :'''Sister Bear''': You're on! :'''Mama Bear''': Those cubs! With that kind of energy, you'd think they could take better care of their room. Ahh... speaking of rooms, aren't these lovely? <hr width=50% /> :'''Mama Bear''': Dear, just look at these lovely rooms. :'''Papa Bear''': Wh-what? Rooms? What rooms? Help! Where am I? :'''Mama Bear''': These model tree house rooms in "Treehouse Keeping" magazine. Aren't they lovely? :'''Papa Bear''': Oh, they're nice enough, I suppose. But certainly, no lovelier than the rooms in our very own tree house. This lovely, gracious neat-as-a-pin living room, cozy, warm, comfortable in the extreme. :'''Mama Bear''': Oh, it's alright, I suppose. :'''Papa Bear''': And our delightful dining room, a room to be proud of. Floor clean enough to eat off. Not to mention the table. :'''Mama Bear''': Yes, but... :'''Papa Bear''': And, of course, your wonderful spick-and-span, perfectly delicious kitchen, a model room if ever there was one. :'''Mama Bear''': Yes, but... :'''Papa Bear''': Yes, but what? :'''Mama Bear''': Yes, but there's one place in this treehouse I'm not proud of. Brother and Sister's room is a mess, a perfectly dreadful knock-down drag-out wall-to-wall mess. And I'm not going to stand for it any longer! I've put up with that messy room long enough! :'''Papa Bear''': Well, dear. I've got some urgent work to do in my shop. :''[Meanwhile in Brother and Sister's bedroom]'' :'''Brother Bear''': For Pete's sake, Sister, will you take your shot? We're playing tiddlywinks, not chess. :'''Sister Bear''': Just hold your horses. I didn't get to be tiddlywinks champ of Bear Country School by rushing my shot... :''[The cubs hear Mama's footsteps banging in the hallway floor, approaching the cubs' bedroom.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': What's that? An [[w:earthquake|earthquake?]] :'''Brother Bear''': Worse, it's Mama on the war path. Climbing the stairs. :'''Sister Bear''': Stomping along the hall. :'''Brother Bear''': Pounding on the door. :''[Mama Bear pounds on the door]'' :'''Brother Bear and Sister Bear''': ''[in sing-songy voice]'' '''♪Come in!♪''' :''[Mama pushes the door, which pushes the toys in the way. And instead of answering, she just scowls at the messy room.]'' :'''Brother Bear and Sister Bear''': ''[in sing-songy voice]'' Hi, Mama. :'''Mama Bear''': ''[scowls]'' '''GRRR!''' :''[Mama notices the messy bedroom and notices many spiders and cobwebs.]'' :'''Mama Bear''': Pretty nice collection of [[w:spider|spiders]] you got up here. :'''Sister Bear''': Yes, they're very useful. They eat the [[w:ant|ants]] that come in for food crumbs. :'''Mama Bear''': Very clever. Isn't it hard to get around? I mean, in all this mess? :'''Brother Bear''': Not really. Watch. :''[Brother playing pogo stick.]'' :'''Mama Bear''': Very impressive. :''[Mama tries to get Brother and Sister's closet door to open.]'' :'''Mama Bear''': How do you get this closet door open to hang up your clothes, I mean. :'''Sister Bear''': Well, we don't bother. We just sort of hang our clothes in different places around the room. :''[Mama briefly pauses her outrage and smiles. That is, as she says...]'' :'''Mama Bear''': ''[smiles]'' Most impressive. In fact... :''[She stops smiling and goes back to being angry. And then, she next says...]'' :'''Mama Bear''': ...this is the most impressive mess I personally have even seen! '''The filthiest, dirtiest, most disgusting mess known to bears! UNQUESTIONABLY THE NUMBER ONE MESSY ROOM IN ALL BEAR COUNTRY, DESTINED TO GO DOWN IN THE FILTHY, DIRTY HALL OF FAME! And I am just not going to take it any longer! I'VE HAD IT! NO MORE MRS. NICE GUY! THE TIME HAS DEFINITELY COME FOR ME TO PUT...MY...FOOT...DOWN!''' :''[When Mama says, "No more Mrs. Nice Guy!", that means she is through --about the mess-- being Mr. Nice Little Bear. And she is not going to be nice about it again ever. When Mama "puts her foot down", she accidentally stomps on Brother's airplane cement.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': Yecch! :'''Brother Bear''': Yeah, Mama. You have a perfect right to put your foot down. But when you did it, you put it down right on my airplane cement. :'''Mama Bear''': ''[from o.c]'' '''That does it! THAT DOES IT!''' ''[Back to her]'' '''Now hear this! I WANT THIS ENTIRE ROOM CLEANED! And for starters, I want this entire floor picked up, picked up clean and I want it done in exaclty...''' :''[She points to the bear clock --that is, as the scene cuts to the clock.]'' :'''Mama Bear''': '''...FIFTEEN MINUTES!''' :''[Cut to the cubs.]'' :'''Brother and Sister Bear''': ''[told they are supposed to tidy up their messy bedroom in 15 minutes]'' Fifteen minutes?! :''[Cut back to Mama.]'' :'''Mama Bear''': ''[frustratingly leaves the bedroom and gives the cubs a chance to clean their bedroom]'' You've heard me! Fifteen minutes! :''[She leaves the bedroom. The cubs have three to fifteen minutes to clean up their room.]'' :'''Brother Bear''': Anyway, that stuff she picked up with her foot is a start. :'''Sister Bear''': Look, we don't have time for smart remarks. You've got some heavy picking up to do. :'''Brother Bear''': I've got some heavy picking up to do? How do you figure that? Most of this mess is yours. :'''Sister Bear''': Oh, yeah? What about these? Your baseball cards? Your ball, bat, and glove? :'''Brother Bear''': Oh, yeah? What about these? Your farm animals? Your stuffed bunny? :''[Brother kicks Sister's stuffed bunny.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': Well, if you're so smart, how am I supposed to sweep up with your dumb dinosaur toys all over the floor?! :''[Sister sweeps up Brother's dinosaur collection with the broom.]'' :'''Brother Bear''': They're not toys! They're models and you leave them alone! I'm working on a setup of the [[w:Mesozoic Era|Pleistocene Age!]]! :'''Sister Bear''': Pleistocene, schmeistocene! That's what you get for kicking my stuffed bunny! :''[The cubs pause the argument and notice the time.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': ''[looks at the bear clock]'' You know something? :'''Brother Bear''': What? :'''Sister Bear''': This isn't getting the job done and the minutes are ticking by. :'''Brother Bear''': We better get to work. :''[They are cleaned up. That is, except for one thing. It is the pile of toys.]'' :'''Brother Bear''': Well, what do you think? :'''Sister Bear''': What do I think? I think we're in big trouble. :'''Brother Bear''': And the 15 minutes are almost up. :'''Sister Bear''': What are we going to do!? :'''Brother Bear''': I'm thinking, I'm thinking. I'm... thinking I have a creative idea. :'''Sister Bear''': We sure could use one. Mama's gonna have a fit if we don't get this whole mess off the floor and out of sight. :'''Brother Bear''': Precisely! :''[Brother and Sister quickly pick up their toys. And they hide the mess in their closet. Then the scene dissolves to Mama rocking on her rocking chair and reading a book, she is keeping track of the time. Before standing back up, she --seriously-- looks at her watch.]'' :'''Mama Bear''': 15 minutes? 15 minutes! Time is up! :''[Mama zips out of her rocking chair. She opens Brother and Sister's bedroom door, then Brother and Sister reveal the room "cleaned".]'' :'''Brother Bear and Sister Bear''': ''[cheering and in a sing-songy tone]'' '''♪TA-DA!♪''' :''[Mama --briefly-- looks around the cub's bedroom. But she is unaware that the cubs have hidden the mess in their closet.]'' :'''Mama Bear''': ''[smiles]'' This is wonderful! ''[from o.c]'' I can actually see the floor! :'''Brother Bear''': Yeah, you can get around the room without a [[w:Pogo stick|pogo stick.]] :'''Mama Bear''': ''[proudly]'' And look! The floor is clean! And in any language, you can actually open the...! :''[Mama is still unaware that the mess is hidden in the cubs's closet. That is, until she gets to the closet. And --with her impression about the floor being clean-- she is about to open the closet door.]'' :'''Brother and Sister''': ''[together shouting --alarmed and pleadingly tell Mama to not open the closet door]'' No, Mama! Don't open the...! :''[But Mama opens the closet door anyway. Then all of the cub's toys fell out and the room reveals to become a mess again. That is, after the cubs tried hiding the mess in their closet.]'' :'''Cubs''': '''...CLOSET!''' :''[Mama grits her teeth since she is covered up by the cubs' toys. Then she gets up and furiously marches out of the room. She goes down to the basement, retrieves a giant box, and writes down the word "TRASH" on it. Then she goes upstairs with it and sets it down onto the floor.]'' :'''Brother Bear''': What are you going to do, Mama? :'''Sister Bear''': What's the box for? :''[Mama Bear picks up one toy after another and starts to throw away some of the cubs's favorite things.]'' :'''Mama Bear''': '''It's for all of this trash!''' :''[The cubs then watch in horror as Mama throws away some of their favorite things into the trash box.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': ''[picks up a book trying to get it back]'' '''No, Mama! No!''' :'''Brother Bear''': ''[trying to get back his sport cards]'' '''My baseball cards aren't trash!''' :''[Cut back to Mama who is throwing some of the cubs's favorite things into the trash box.]'' :'''Mama Bear''': '''All of this good for nothing but throw away trash!''' :''[Cut back to the cubs.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': ''[takes out her doll, crayons, and dinosaur coloring book trying to get it back out of the box]'' '''That's not trash! That's my best [[w:Doll|doll!]] Not my [[w:Coloring book|coloring book]] and [[w:Crayon|crayons]]! Help! HELP! PLEASE!''' :''[Cut to the workshop where Papa is sawing wood when he hears Brother and Sister's cry for help as Mama throws away some of their favorite things.]'' :'''Brother Bear''': ''[offscreen]'' '''Please Mama! Not my [[w:Dinosaur|dinosaur]] collection! Stop! That's my first [[w:Baseball glove|baseman's mitt!''']] HELP!''' :'''Brother Bear and Sister Bear''': '''OH NO! HELP!''' :'''Papa Bear''': Cries for help! ''[runs into the house and enters the bedroom]'' '''QUIEEEEEEEET!''' :''[Papa sees the mess in the cubs' bedroom that Mama made.]'' :'''Papa Bear''': ''[calmy, but firmly]'' Well, the mess certainly has built up in this room. In fact, it's the worst case of messy build-up I've ever seen. Now, let's sit down and talk this over calmly. :''[The scene cuts to him and the cubs.]'' :'''Papa Bear''': So you see, this messy room isn't fair. It isn't fair to your Mama and me. We have a lot of other things to take care of. ''[Close up of Brother]'' But it isn't fair to you cubs... ''[Cut to Sister]'' ...because you really can't have fun or relax in a room... ''[Cut to Mama, crossing her arms]''...that's such a terrible mess. ''[Back to him and the cubs]''. What you need is a little organization and maybe a box. :'''Brother Bear''': Not a trash box? :'''Papa Bear''': No, a toy box. I'll make you one and maybe a lot of other little boxes for your games and collections. :'''Sister Bear''': And how about one of those boards with all the holes in it? Like you have in your shop. :'''Papa Bear''': A pegboard! Good idea. :'''Mama Bear''': ''[calmly, but sternly]'' A little organization and a few rules! Rules about more sweeping, less arguing, and not leaving things to gather dust and cobwebs! :''[As echoed from the book --regarding with the trash box-- some of the cubs's favorite things did end up in Mama's throw away box. That is, but of course not Sister's teddy and Brother's dinosaur collection, sport cards, and baseball glove. But some of Brother's bird nests --from his bird nest collection-- especially the crumbling and fallen apart ones. On said page of that --regarding with the trash box-- it says, "Some of the cubs's favorite things ended up in Mama's throw away box. That is, but not including Sister's teddy bear and Brother's dinosaur collection, of course. But really, some things like Brother's bird nest collection, especially the crumbling and fallen apart bird nests".]'' <hr width=50% /> :''[Regarding with the new changes to the closet.]'' :'''Mama Bear''': I do not think I dare. :'''Brother Bear''': Go ahead! Open it! :''[When Mama opens the closet, she sees all the boxes with the cubs's favorite things. And they are marked down with a specific category they belong to. For example, Brother's dinosaur collection belongs in the box of dinosaur models. That is, which is the box that has the word "DINOSAURS" marked on it.]'' :'''Mama Bear''': Oh! Yes, indeed! A room and a closet to be proud of! :'''Sister Bear''': What about us? :'''Brother Bear''': Yeah, aren't you proud of us, too? :'''Mama Bear''': Abso-tively pos-olutley! :'''Papa Bear''': Hey, what about yours truly, '''[[w:List of Berenstain Bears characters|Papa Q. Bear]]'''? :'''Mama Bear''': What do you think, cubs? Should we keep ol' Papa Q.? :'''Cubs''': ''[Laughing]'': Yeah, let's keep him! ===The Terrible Termite=== :'''Raffish Ralph''': Who and what in the name of all that's where are you? :'''Terrible Termite''': My friends call me the Terrible [[w:termite|Termite...]] that is, They would if I had any friends... ===Forget their Manners=== :''[Brother and Sister Bear started with name-calling]'' :'''Sister Bear''': '''HEY! COME ON, SILLYHEAD! DIDN'T YOU HEAR MAMA!?''' :'''Brother Bear''': '''I HEARD HER! STOP BEING SUCH A FUZZ BRAIN!''' :'''Sister Bear''': '''YOU NOODLEPUSS!''' :'''Brother Bear''': '''LAY OFF, YOU LITTLE MINI!''' :'''Papa Bear''': Now, see here! <hr width=50% /> :''[In the dining room, Brother and Sister are tugging over one honey jar]'' :'''Brother Bear''': Gimme that! :'''Sister Bear''': I had it...first! :'''Brother Bear''': Stop grabbing! :'''Mama Bear''': ''[enters the dining room and sees Brother and Sister fighting over a honey jar]'' For goodness sake! Where are your manners?! There's plenty of [[w:honey|honey]] for everyone. <hr width=50% /> :'''Mama Bear''': I'm calling it "The Bear Family Politeness Plan". It seems to me that the best way to fight bad habits is with good habits. For example, if any of us forgets to say "please and thank you", he or she has to sweep the front steps. And pushing or shoving means you have to beat two [[w:rug|rugs.]] :''[Echoing from the book, if you forgot a "please" or "thank you" you had to sweep the front steps, if you pushed or shoved you had to beat two rugs, and if you got caught name calling you had to clean the entire cellar. In the book, it says, "If you forgot a 'please' or 'thank you' you had to sweep the front steps, if you pushed or shoved you had to beat two rugs, if you were caught interrupting you had to dust the downstairs, and if you were caught name calling you had to clean the entire cellar".]'' :'''Brother Bear''': But Mama, all those chores? :'''Sister Bear''': '''YOU'RE NOT BEING FAIR!''' :'''Mama Bear''': It seems to me that you're the ones that aren't being fair. Manners help us to get along with each other. Why, without manners... :'''Papa Bear''': ''[interrupts]'' Your mama's absolutely right! :'''Mama Bear''': Thanks for your comment, Papa, but interrupting is number 3 on the rude list. And the penalty is dusting the room. :'''Papa Bear''': But... :'''Mama Bear''': You didn't say, "thank you" for the [[w:duster|duster]]. I'm afraid that means after you're finished dusting, you have to sweep the front steps (and that's number 1). ''[leaves the living room]'' :''[Papa starts dusting the table with a feather duster]'' :'''Sister Bear''': ''[reading the chart]'' Rude noises, what does that mean? :'''Papa Bear''': Oh you know, ''[blows raspberry]'' :'''Mama Bear''': Penalty number 7! :'''Papa Bear''': ''[names the penalty for the 7th rule; as shown on the "Bear Family Politeness Plan" rule list]'' Weed the garden!? :''[Later, Papa dusts the downstairs, sweeps the front steps, pull the weeds from the garden. This was penalties 3, 1, and 7. He was caught interrupting, forgot a "Please" and a "Thank You", and made rude noises. And indeed, when starting the "Bear Family Politeness Plan", forgetting a "Please" or a "Thank You" meant you had to sweep the front steps, pushing or shoving was beat two rugs, interrupting was sweep the front steps, and name calling was cleaning the entire cellar.]'' :'''Brother Bear''': This is serious. If we're not careful, we may end up doing all those chores. <hr width=50% /> :'''Papa Bear''': ''[after accidentally crashing the car]'' '''WHY THAT PIN HEADED FIDDLEBRAIN!''' :'''Sister Bear''': Papa, that's name calling! :'''Mama Bear''': (Penalty number 4!) You know what the penalty for that is! :'''Papa Bear''': The worst penalty of all! Cleaning our entire cellar! :''[Echoing from the book, the penalty for name calling, it was "clean the entire cellar". So Papa gritted his teeth and remembered his manners.]'' :'''Driver''': ''[angrily; to Papa after he accidentally bumped his car]'' You No-good nincompoop! Why I ought too...! ===The Wicked Weasel Spell=== ===The Truth=== :''[After Brother and Sister accidentally break Mama's best lamp]'' :'''Sister Bear''': Mama's favorite [[w:lamp|lamp!]] :'''Brother Bear''': Smashed all to bits! :'''Sister Bear''': What are we gonna do?! :'''[[w:mockingbird|Mockingbird]]''': ''[to Brother and Sister]'' Well, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna get the heck out of here. :''[The mockingbird, she flies away. As echoed from the book version, the bear family had some house rules just as any family has. The first rule --out of the three-- it was, "No eating honey in bed!". The second rule was, "No tracking mud on the clean floors!". And the third and final one was, "No playing ball in the house!".]'' <hr width=50% /> :'''Brother Bear''': Oh, my gosh! Here comes Mama! :'''Sister Bear''': Oh, no! What'll we do? :'''Brother Bear''': We could hide the lamp! :'''Sister Bear''': There's no time! :'''Brother Bear''': Well, we can at least hide the [[w:soccer ball|soccer ball.]] :'''Sister Bear''': Hurry, here she comes! Hide it quick! :'''Mama Bear''': Well, I'm back from my shopping. Did you have your milk and cook...? ''[She sees that her best lamp is broken]'' My lamp! My very best lamp! What happened to it? :'''Brother Bear''': Well, um... :'''Sister Bear''': You see... :'''Brother Bear''': It got broken. :'''Mama Bear''': I know it got broken! How did it get broken? :'''Brother Bear''': Well, it was a bird! :'''Sister Bear''': A bird? Yes. A bird! :'''Brother Bear''': That's right! A big purple bird with yellow feet! :'''Sister Bear''': Yes! And a red head and green wingtips. :'''Brother Bear''': And funny little red feathers sticking out of its head. :'''Mama Bear''': This bird, did it make any kind of sound? :'''Brother Bear''': It squawked. :'''Sister Bear''': It whistled. :'''Brother Bear''': That's right. It squawked and whistled. :''[red-headed purple bird squawking and whistling]'' :'''Brother Bear''': Then it flew in the window, zoomed around the room, and broke the lamp. :'''Mama Bear''': Well, that was quite an experience. :'''Brother Bear and Sister Bear''': Yeah. :'''Papa Bear''': Well, hello, group! How's every little... ''[He sees that Mama's best lamp is fully broken]'' HOLY [[w:catfish|CATFISH!!]] What happened to Mama's best lamp? :'''Mama Bear''': It's quite an interesting story. Why don't you tell it to your Papa? :'''Brother Bear''': Well, there was this big green-headed yellow bird with purple feet... :'''Sister Bear''': No! A red-headed purple bird with yellow feet. :'''Brother Bear''': Yeah, yeah. A purple-headed green bird with red feet and yellow wingtips and green feathers growing out of it's... :'''Sister Bear''': No, no, no! A yellow-headed green bird with red feet and purple wingtips and... :'''Papa Bear''': Just a minute, please! You've got me confused. Now, what was it, a yellow bird with green wingtips and purple feet, or a purple bird with green wingtips and yellow feet, or a white bird with black spots, like that soccer ball behind my easy chair? Well, do you two say for yourselves? :'''Mama Bear''': Now, Papa, don't be too hard on them. You see? I'm not worried about the lamp. We can always get a new lamp or we can [[w:super glue|glue]] this one back together. What I'm sad about is the thought that maybe, just maybe, my cubs whom I've always trusted, aren't telling me the truth. And trust is not something you can put back together again once it's broken. :''[From Mama's saying, buying another lamp is always possible. That is, or gluing the old lamp back together.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': It wasn't a bird, it was a soccer ball! :'''Brother Bear''': And it was all my fault. :'''Sister Bear''': It was just as much as my fault. ===Save the Bees=== :'''Sister Bear''': A [[w:penny|penny]] for your thoughts, Papa. :'''Papa Bear''': Where's the penny? :'''Sister Bear''': Right here. :'''Papa Bear''': Well, what your old Papa was thinking about... :'''Mama Bear, Sister Bear and Brother Bear''': ...was honey! ''[chuckle]'' :'''Sister Bear''': That's all you ever think about, Papa. :'''Papa Bear''': It's all very well to scoff. But the fact is that honey is very important to Bear Country. Not only is it nature's most perfect food, it's the foundation of Bear Country's entire economy. Why, without bees and honey, Bear Country would be in very serious trouble! <hr width=50% /> :'''Weasel McGreed''': Just picture it, hundreds of thousands of these little darlings gulping down those bees, gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp! :'''Raffish Ralph''': I'm picturing, I'm picturing! :'''Weasel McGreed''': Hour after hour! Day after day! And after a while, no more bees! :'''Raffish Ralph''': Ah, and no more bees means no more honey! :'''Weasel McGreed''': And no more honey means the end of Bear Country as we know it! <hr width=50% /> :'''Weasel McGreed''': "Mission accomplished!" ''[laughs maniacally]'' Release another bee! ''[laughs maniacally]'' <hr width=50% /> :'''Professor Actual Factual''': They've done it! By Jove, they've done it! Brother and Sister have saved the bees! :'''Brother Bear and Sister Bear''': With a little help from our friends. ===Get in a Fight=== :'''Brother Bear''': '''SISTER, GET YOUR DOPEY FEET OUT OF MY FACE!''' :''[Sister puts her face into Brother's face.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': '''MY FEET AREN'T DOPEY, GROUCHPUSS AND THEY'RE NOT IN YOUR FACE!''' :'''Brother Bear''': '''NOW HEAR THIS! GET YOUR DOPEY FACE OUT OF MY FACE!''' :'''Sister Bear''': ''[still has her face in Brother's face]'' Oh yeah!? Well, you're the one that's dopey, Brother Bear! :''[With a smirk, Sister zips out of her bunk fast and runs in front of Brother.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': And in any language, while you sit there like a claud, I'm getting into the bathroom ahead of you and locking the door! (You can have some time, if I leave any!) :''[Sister --after she says this-- runs off to the bathroom, gets into it before Brother, and locks the door. That is, after saying she is going to go to the bathroom ahead of him. And she next says...]'' :'''Brother Bear''': '''HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THAT...''' ''[running to the door.]'' '''...YOU LITTLE TWERP! YOU UNLOCK THIS DOOR, YOU LITTLE NERD!''' ''[pounding on the door]'' '''IF YOU DON'T UNLOCK THIS DOOR...!''' :''[Sister vows that Brother can have some time in the bathroom if she leaves any time for him. But --forgetting that she is taking a long time in the bathroom and isn't sure whether she should let Brother have some time in the bathroom-- brushes her teeth. While she washes her face, combs her fur, and brushes her teeth, she sings a classic children's song called [[w:Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush|The Mulberry Bush]]. Then the scene cuts to Sister Bear who is singing [[w:Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush|The Mulberry Bush]] while brushing her teeth.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': [sings] ''♪ This is the way we brush our teeth,'' :''Brush our teeth,'' :''Brush our teeth,'' :''[Brother pauses banging and listens to Sister singing.]'' :'''Brother Bear''': ''[in between outbursts]'' She's singing! :'''Sister Bear''': [singing] ''♪This is the way we brush our teeth,'' :''On a cold and frosty morning.♪'' :''[She sings the song again. And this time, while brushing her teeth.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': ''[muffled singing because she is brushing her teeth]'' ''♪This is the way we brush our teeth,'' :''Brush our teeth,'' :''Brush our teeth.'' :''This is the way we brush our teeth,'' :''On a cold and frosty morning.♪'' :''[The scene cuts back to Brother.]'' :'''Brother Bear''': ''[resumes outbursts]'' '''IF YOU DON'T LET ME IN THERE, YOU LITTLE TWIT, I'M GOING TO FLATEN YOU OUT AND ROLL YOU UP LIKE A...''' ''[stops pounding]'' '''[[w:carpet|CARPET]]!''' :'''Papa Bear''': ''[angrily comes out of the bedroom]'' Brother Bear! :'''Brother Bear''': ''[realizes]'' Hi, Papa. :'''Papa Bear''': What in the name of Bear Country is going on here?! :'''Brother Bear''': Well, you see, Papa... :'''Papa Bear''': What possible excuse could you have for banging on doors and calling your sister names? :'''Brother Bear''': Well, see, she put her feet in my face, then when I asked her not to, she called me "Grouchpuss". She got into the bathroom before me and locked the door. Then when I ask her to come out, she started to sing and… :'''Papa Bear''': ''[cuts him off]'' None of which is any kind of excuse for pounding on doors and calling names! :'''Sister Bear''': ''[comes out of the bathroom]'' Good morning, Papa. It certainly is a lovely day. :'''Papa Bear''': Good morning, Sweetie. ''[to Brother]'' Now why can't you be sweet and cooperate like your sister? :'''Brother Bear''': ''[turns red with anger, growls furiously and angrily slams the door]'' '''GRRR! I'M NOT GONNA SPEAK TO HER AGAIN FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE!!!''' :'''Sister Bear''': You got a deal, Buster. ''[Brother Bear slams the door furiously]'' Papa, dear, would you ask that person beside you for the honey? :'''Mama Bear''': Hmm... :'''Papa Bear''': Not speaking. :'''Brother Bear''': Mama, dear, would you ask that person beside you for the butter? :'''Mama Bear''': Ohh! Ohh! <hr width=50% /> :'''Sister Bear''': Well, I like that. Some unauthorized person has been using my modeling clay. :''[Sister steals back her clay and furiously squishes the clay dinosaurs, turns them into a lump, and angrily rolls it into a ball.]'' :'''Brother Bear''': It took me a week to make those! ''[angrily goes to the jigsaw puzzle]'' Well, what about my jigsaw puzzle that some little twerp has been putting together?! :''[As echoed from the book, Sister stole back her clay --which Brother made into clay dinosaurs-- and rolled them up into one big lump. Brother --on the other hand-- stole back his toy trucks and planes and hid them in a high closet shelf. And Sister could not reach them. Upon continuation, Brother angrily knocks down the puzzle pieces, everything tumbling down the floor.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': You no-good rat! I've been working on that puzzle for two weeks! :'''Brother Bear''': What about my clay dinosaurs?! I was working on them for a school project! :'''Sister Bear''': ''[walking to him]'' Oh, yeah?! Well, my clay is my clay and you have absolutely no right! :'''Brother Bear''': I have every right! You're always using my stuff: my skateboard, my hockey stick, my... :'''Sister Bear''': Never mind about your stuff, you no-good sword head! :'''Brother Bear''': You're the sword head, you little silly nit-wit! Why I oughta! :'''Sister Bear''': '''You just shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!''' :'''Brother Bear''': '''WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?!''' :'''Papa Bear''': '''What in the world is going on up there?! I want that shouting stopped this instant! UNDERSTAND?!''' :'''Sister Bear''': It's all his fault! He called me names! :'''Brother Bear''': All ''my'' fault?! It's all ''her'' fault! :'''Papa Bear''': ''[in frustration]'' '''I don't care whose fault it is!''' ''[Brother and Sister go down the stairs]'' '''I want this fighting and bickering stopped! Stop...''' ''[leaning to them]'' '''...you hear?!''' ''[Papa, Brother, and Sister Bear then argue at each other]'' '''WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS?! FAMILY FEUD?! I WANT THE NOISE STOPPED! STOP, YOU HEAR?!''' :''[Mama whistles to stop them.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': I didn't know you whistle that loud, Mama. :'''Mama Bear''': Well, I can. And I can also tell you that I've had quite enough of this foolish fighting. Why, I don't think you two even remember what you're fighting about. :''[Mama picks up the cubs, sits down on her armchair, and hugs Brother and Sister on her lap.]'' <hr width=50% /> :''[Regarding to Brother's clay dinosaurs...!]'' :'''Sister Bear''': ''[from the flashback]'' '''YOUR DINOSAURS, THEY LOOK STUPID ANYWAY!''' :''[Cut to reality.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': ''[apologizes to Brother for wrecking his clay dinosaurs]'' I am sorry that I ruined your dinosaurs. I can help you make new ones if you like. :'''Brother Bear''': ''[smiles]'' Well? Okay. :''[Sister apologizes to Brother for wrecking his clay dinosaurs. Even though she still wrecked them and they are still broken, Brother forgives her anyway. That is, even though it was on purpose and even though she still did it. But when Sister says she will help him build new clay dinosaurs, Brother forgives her and accepts her apology.]'' ===The Bigpaw Problem=== ===Get Stage Fright=== ===Go Bonkers over Honkers=== ===The Great Honey Pipeline=== ===The Great Grizzly Comet=== ===The Sure-Fire Bait=== ===The Cat's Meow=== ===The Trouble with Friends=== :''[Sister and Lizzy pretend that they are playing pretend school. That is, pretend first grade. As Lizzy --who pretends to be the first grade teacher-- teaches the alphabet to the pretend preschool class, the pretend school pointer Lizzy has is revealed to be a stick or twig. Echoed from the book, Lizzy she had a pointer stick in one hand and a piece of chalk in the other.]'' :'''Lizzy''': Please be seated Sister. It's time for your lessons. First, I'm going to teach you the [[w:alphabet|alphabet]]. The first letter of the [[w:alphabet|alphabet]] is "A". :''[Lizzy --with the piece of chalk in the right hand-- writes a capital "A" on the pretend chalk board. That is, as she --in the left hand-- holds the pointer stick. Before she can ask the class if any of them know what the second letter of the alphabet is, Sister --pretending to be one of her "pretend students"-- interrupts Lizzy --who is the "pretend teacher"-- wants to have the pointer and be the teacher.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': Now just a minute! Who said you were going to be the teacher?! When I play school, I'm the teacher! And not only that! I already know the alphabet! :'''Lizzy''': ''[to Sister]'' Sister Bear, if you don't sit down this minute, I'm going to keep you after school! :'''Sister Bear''': Is that so? ''[poking with her finger on Lizzy's belly]'' Well, if you don't give me that pointer, I'm going to keep you after school! :'''Lizzy''': '''OH NO YOU'RE NOT!''' :'''Sister Bear''': '''OH YES, I AM!''' :''[Sister grabs the pointer from Lizzy. They both wrestle for the pointer stick. All of a sudden, the stick snaps in half. Then the scene turns to Sister and Lizzy. And they each have a half of the stick --as Sister had broken it.]'' :'''Lizzy''': '''NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID! YOU BROKE MY POINTER! (AND IT IS TOTALED!)''' :''[That is what Lizzy says to Sister after Sister broke and totaled her pointer. In fact, Sister broke --and totaled-- it beyond repair.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': '''HERE! KEEP YOUR OLD POINTER! :''[Sister throws the pointer stick down in front of Lizzy's feet.]'' :'''Sister Bear''': '''I'M NEVER GOING TO PLAY WITH YOU AGAIN!''' :'''Lizzy''': '''NEVER IS TOO SHORT FOR ME!''' :'''Sister Bear''': '''GOOD! THEN I AM GOING TO TAKE MY DOLLS AND GO HOME!''' :'''Lizzy''': Sister's mad, and I'm glad! :'''Sister Bear''': Lizzy-Lizzy in a tizzy! :'''Lizzy''': Sister's mad, and I'm glad! :'''Sister Bear''': Lizzy-Lizzy in a tizzy! :'''Mama Bear''': Back so soon? :'''Sister Bear''': I'm never going to play with that Lizzy Bruin again! She's much too braggy and bossy! <hr width=50% /> :''[Sister and Lizzy make up for the fight yesterday.]'' :'''Lizzy''': ''[to Sister]'' Here's your doll back. You can be the teacher as many times as you want. :'''Sister''': ''[to Lizzy for a better idea]'' Or we can take turns. :''[But even though Sister still broke and totaled Lizzy's pointer stick, she and Lizzy bury the hatchet. Sister's idea does sound great though. Her idea is taking turns being the kindergarten/first grade teacher.]'' ===The Coughing Catfish=== ===The Substitute Teacher=== ===The Mansion Mystery=== ===Bust a Ghost=== ===The Ice Monster=== ===The Crystal Ball Caper=== ===The Raid on Fort Grizzly=== ===The Forbidden Cave=== ===The Hot Air Election=== ===Life with Papa=== ===Save the Farm=== ==Voice cast== * [[w:Lisa Vischer|Lisa Vischer]] as Mama Bear, Gran, Teacher Jane, Officer Marguerite, Queen Nectar and additional voices * [[w:Willie Rushton|William Rushton]] as Papa Q. Bear, Mayor Honeypot, Too-Tall, Bigpaw, Jake, Henchweasels and additional voices * [[w:Mark Rendall|Mark Rendall]] as Brother Bear *[[w:Nancy Cartwright|Nancy Cartwright]] as Sister Bear *Mike Myers as Cousin Freddy * [[w:Mike Mulloy|Mike Mulloy]] as Raffish Ralph, Professor Actual Factual, Weasel McGreed, Gramps, Farmer Ben, Henchweasels, Snuff the Dog and additional voices * [[w:Mike Yarmush|Michael Yarmush]], [[w:Aimee Castle|Aimee Castle]], Sonja Ball, [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]], and [[w:Paul Angelis|Paul Angelis]] as additional voices ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Berenstain Bears (1985 TV series), The}} [[Category:Australian animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:Australian children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Australian children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Australian preschool education TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:CBS animated TV shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about bears]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about families]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:Television series by Hanna-Barbera]] 4zr0ydwby0pi152w24tdqnjj0l39ssw 0 222914 3949260 3636244 2026-06-05T15:52:26Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949260 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|Tuca & Bertie}}''''' (2019–2022) is an American adult animated sitcom created by cartoonist Lisa Hanawalt. The series follows "the friendship between two 30-year-old bird-women who live in the same apartment building, Tuca, a cocky, care-free toucan, and Bertie, an anxious, daydreaming songbird." ==Season 1== ===The Sugar Bowl=== :'''Speckle''': "Gamby Robin was very sweet, so we mixed her with sugar. My Gumbo was mixed with sage because he was wise. ===The Promotion=== :'''Tuca''': "So you're just gonna hope your boss remembers you exist, reads your mind and gives you what you want?" :'''Bertie''': "That's been my life approach so far, and it's worked ''[little bongo sting as she thinks about it]''... never times." <hr width=50%> :'''Client''': What are you doing?? :'''Tuca''': Just trimmin' the bush. ===The Deli Guy=== :'''Speckle''': ''[as he spanks her]'' You've been a very bad bird and I'm very disappointed in you! Bad bird! :'''Bertie''': ''[solemnly]'' But I'm a good bird... :'''Speckle''': ''[still role playing]'' Oh, you want me to think you're good, but you're a filthy little bird, aren't you? :'''Bertie''': ''[starts crying]'' No I'm not! <hr width=50%> :'''Speckle''': So, you want me to ignore you for fifteen years and then give you a small peck on the beak? ===Yeast Week=== :'''Ultra Sam S-380''': Nothing to worry about. The doctor is just going to confer with some colleagues and- ''[the doctor exists. Ultra Sam immediately leans in close to Tuca, his sound wave voice changing from green to red]'' Okay, let's cut the shit. I need you to plug in my wife. She's right over there. :''[pan over to a lamp sitting in the corner]'' :'''Tuca''': She's a lamp? :'''Ultra Sam S-380''': She's so more. You're not seeing her in the best... light. ''[pan back over to the lamp, still sitting there motionless. Ultra Sam looks down in despair]'' Oh, she would have laughed at that. ===SweetBeak=== :'''Jeremy''': Hello, I'm Saint Oriole, and I love to sit in my house, surrounded by all my crap! :'''Pastor''': Ugh, Jeremy, stick to the script! <hr width=50%> :'''Pastry Pete''': Bird town needs another bakery like I need a giant hawk to shit in my mouth. ==Cast== * {{w|Tiffany Haddish}} as Tuca * [[Ali Wong]] as Roberta "Bertie" Songthrush * [[Steven Yeun]] as Speckle ==Related== *''[[BoJack Horseman]]'' ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American sitcoms]] [[Category:2010s American surreal comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Flash adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:TV shows revived after cancellation]] [[Category:Adult Swim shows]] [[Category:Netflix shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about birds]] [[Category:Television series by Netflix Animation]] [[Category:Single-camera sitcoms]] gpt7ax0olab126sdtxlxpnfl3jk6nti 0 225650 3949204 3892807 2026-06-05T13:54:25Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949204 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Marvin the Tap-Dancing Horse|Marvin the Tap-Dancing Horse]]''''' is an animated television show co-produced by [[w:Nelvana|Nelvana]] and Hong Guang Animation. It tells the stories of a young horse named Marvin who is part of a carnival. Among the executive producers are [[w:Michael Paraskevas|Michael Paraskevas]] and [[w:Betty Paraskevas|Betty Paraskevas]], creators of ''[[Maggie and the Ferocious Beast]]'', who also created the book that the show is based on. The show first aired on [[w:PBS Kids|PBS Kids]] in the United States as part of the [[w:PBS Kids Bookworm Bunch|PBS Kids Bookworm Bunch]] from 2000 to 2009. In Canada, it aired on [[w:Treehouse TV|Treehouse]] and [[w:Teletoon|Teletoon]], and in the United Kingdom, the series also aired on [[w:Tiny Pop|Tiny Pop]]. In 2007, reruns of the show began airing on [[w:Qubo|Qubo]] Channel in the US. The show was aimed at older children, and tweens, and from ages 5 to 12. ==Marvin the Tap-Dancing Horse== * This is the Slime Carnival. They're weird around here. * Jack talks big sometimes and it usually gets him into trouble. * I bet no other carnival in the whole country has an all-penguin band. * Anyone who'd work for Lyman Slime has got to be desperate... or a clown. * Now, he may seem a little gruff, but don't let that bother you. He's really just a big pussy cat. ==Diamonds the Elephant== * ''['''Stripes''': A-ha!]'' We want to know what your little secret is! We have a right to know! ==Stripes the Tiger== * Oh, dry up, Elizabeth! * Mr. Grizzly! Oh, thank goodness! * Great Gorillas! Now what's the matter?! * There's only one way get to the bottom of all this. We'll just have to ask them. * What are you looking at? It's just my allergies acting up. I must be allergic to dogs... * According to our notes, you've been doing a lot of tapping and dancing in some infernal code that I just can't break! What are you doing, taking dance lessons or something? ==Elizabeth the Emotional Pig== * Oh, dear! * Oh, this is terrible! * Oh, you're so thoughtful. * I think I'm going to cry. * And I need my hankies for... for when I... cry! ==Fast-Talking Jack== * Yes, siree! * I'm the owner here. Jack's the name. Fast-Talking Jack. * Mr. P. Nutty, chief executive in charge of nut sales. All nutty, all the time! ==Lyman Slime== * Well, when you play for Lyman Slime, that's all you need to know. * You want anything done around here, you gotta do it yourself! ==Others== * '''Edna''': The fresher they are, the better they sting. * '''Mrs. Larue''': I bang my cane for many different things. * '''Clyde''': When we were little, you always won. * '''Boy with Glasses''': My dad's scarier than that. * '''Andrew''': Please get up! * '''Katie''': Hey, Andrew, I scared the kitty cat. * '''Ice Cream Kid''': I don't want any change. Mommy says I can ride the horsey as long as I want. * '''Squinty Pete''': Step right up, folks! You haven't been to the carnival till you've whomped a weasel! They're fast, furry, and fun. And it doesn't hurt 'em a bit! * '''Abner''': I can do lots of things, but I can't make people listen to me. * '''Pete''': There goes one fine pizza pig. * '''Mayor''': In light of the world class entertainment these folks provide, I'm happy to declare next Friday Carnival Day! ==Quotes== :'''Stripes''': We've got to find out for sure. :'''Elizabeth''': How? :'''Stripes''': We've got to spy on them. <hr width=50%/> :''[Benny was being found by Alice]'' :'''Alice''': Thank you, Marvin and Eddy for finding my puppy Benny. :'''Eddy''': You're welcome. :'''Marvin''': No problem. <hr width=50%/> :'''Stripes''': ''[mumbling]'' I'm getting nowhere with that blasted code. :'''Elizabeth''': Diamonds! Stripes! :'''Diamonds''': What did you see, Elizabeth? <hr width=50%/> :'''Stripes''': Oh, don't let them fool you. I bet it's some kind of a code. :'''Elizabeth''': Tapping in code. :'''Stripes''': We just have to crack the code. <hr width=50%/> :''[The Penguin's Five are watching "All My Piglets" on TV]'' :'''Blair''': ''[to Veronica]'' Oh, Veronica, won't you make me ''[off-screen]'' the happiest pig in the world? :'''Veronica''': ''[off-screen]'' Oh, Blair! :''[The three penguins begin laughing]'' ==Voice cast== *[[w:Ron Pardo|Ron Pardo]] as Marvin the Tap-Dancing Horse and Stripes the Tiger. *Marlowe Gardiner-Heslin as Eddy Largo. *[[w:Fiona Reid|Fiona Reid]] as Diamonds the Elephant. *[[w:Sheila McCarthy|Sheila McCarthy]] as Elizabeth the Emotional Pig. *[[w:Dwayne Hill|Dwayne Hill]] as Fast-Talking Jack. *[[w:Robin Duke|Robin Duke]] as Edna. *Rummy Bishop as Lyman Slime. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{PBSKids shows}} [[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Chinese animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Chinese children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Chinese children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:Qubo shows]] [[Category:Teletoon original series]] fjwy5l8wp4diy41qr2iqceiiyq9fl9x 3949205 3949204 2026-06-05T13:54:51Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 /* External links */ 3949205 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Marvin the Tap-Dancing Horse|Marvin the Tap-Dancing Horse]]''''' is an animated television show co-produced by [[w:Nelvana|Nelvana]] and Hong Guang Animation. It tells the stories of a young horse named Marvin who is part of a carnival. Among the executive producers are [[w:Michael Paraskevas|Michael Paraskevas]] and [[w:Betty Paraskevas|Betty Paraskevas]], creators of ''[[Maggie and the Ferocious Beast]]'', who also created the book that the show is based on. The show first aired on [[w:PBS Kids|PBS Kids]] in the United States as part of the [[w:PBS Kids Bookworm Bunch|PBS Kids Bookworm Bunch]] from 2000 to 2009. In Canada, it aired on [[w:Treehouse TV|Treehouse]] and [[w:Teletoon|Teletoon]], and in the United Kingdom, the series also aired on [[w:Tiny Pop|Tiny Pop]]. In 2007, reruns of the show began airing on [[w:Qubo|Qubo]] Channel in the US. The show was aimed at older children, and tweens, and from ages 5 to 12. ==Marvin the Tap-Dancing Horse== * This is the Slime Carnival. They're weird around here. * Jack talks big sometimes and it usually gets him into trouble. * I bet no other carnival in the whole country has an all-penguin band. * Anyone who'd work for Lyman Slime has got to be desperate... or a clown. * Now, he may seem a little gruff, but don't let that bother you. He's really just a big pussy cat. ==Diamonds the Elephant== * ''['''Stripes''': A-ha!]'' We want to know what your little secret is! We have a right to know! ==Stripes the Tiger== * Oh, dry up, Elizabeth! * Mr. Grizzly! Oh, thank goodness! * Great Gorillas! Now what's the matter?! * There's only one way get to the bottom of all this. We'll just have to ask them. * What are you looking at? It's just my allergies acting up. I must be allergic to dogs... * According to our notes, you've been doing a lot of tapping and dancing in some infernal code that I just can't break! What are you doing, taking dance lessons or something? ==Elizabeth the Emotional Pig== * Oh, dear! * Oh, this is terrible! * Oh, you're so thoughtful. * I think I'm going to cry. * And I need my hankies for... for when I... cry! ==Fast-Talking Jack== * Yes, siree! * I'm the owner here. Jack's the name. Fast-Talking Jack. * Mr. P. Nutty, chief executive in charge of nut sales. All nutty, all the time! ==Lyman Slime== * Well, when you play for Lyman Slime, that's all you need to know. * You want anything done around here, you gotta do it yourself! ==Others== * '''Edna''': The fresher they are, the better they sting. * '''Mrs. Larue''': I bang my cane for many different things. * '''Clyde''': When we were little, you always won. * '''Boy with Glasses''': My dad's scarier than that. * '''Andrew''': Please get up! * '''Katie''': Hey, Andrew, I scared the kitty cat. * '''Ice Cream Kid''': I don't want any change. Mommy says I can ride the horsey as long as I want. * '''Squinty Pete''': Step right up, folks! You haven't been to the carnival till you've whomped a weasel! They're fast, furry, and fun. And it doesn't hurt 'em a bit! * '''Abner''': I can do lots of things, but I can't make people listen to me. * '''Pete''': There goes one fine pizza pig. * '''Mayor''': In light of the world class entertainment these folks provide, I'm happy to declare next Friday Carnival Day! ==Quotes== :'''Stripes''': We've got to find out for sure. :'''Elizabeth''': How? :'''Stripes''': We've got to spy on them. <hr width=50%/> :''[Benny was being found by Alice]'' :'''Alice''': Thank you, Marvin and Eddy for finding my puppy Benny. :'''Eddy''': You're welcome. :'''Marvin''': No problem. <hr width=50%/> :'''Stripes''': ''[mumbling]'' I'm getting nowhere with that blasted code. :'''Elizabeth''': Diamonds! Stripes! :'''Diamonds''': What did you see, Elizabeth? <hr width=50%/> :'''Stripes''': Oh, don't let them fool you. I bet it's some kind of a code. :'''Elizabeth''': Tapping in code. :'''Stripes''': We just have to crack the code. <hr width=50%/> :''[The Penguin's Five are watching "All My Piglets" on TV]'' :'''Blair''': ''[to Veronica]'' Oh, Veronica, won't you make me ''[off-screen]'' the happiest pig in the world? :'''Veronica''': ''[off-screen]'' Oh, Blair! :''[The three penguins begin laughing]'' ==Voice cast== *[[w:Ron Pardo|Ron Pardo]] as Marvin the Tap-Dancing Horse and Stripes the Tiger. *Marlowe Gardiner-Heslin as Eddy Largo. *[[w:Fiona Reid|Fiona Reid]] as Diamonds the Elephant. *[[w:Sheila McCarthy|Sheila McCarthy]] as Elizabeth the Emotional Pig. *[[w:Dwayne Hill|Dwayne Hill]] as Fast-Talking Jack. *[[w:Robin Duke|Robin Duke]] as Edna. *Rummy Bishop as Lyman Slime. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{PBS Kids shows}} [[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Chinese animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Chinese children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Chinese children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:Qubo shows]] [[Category:Teletoon original series]] 0i715zabf6aixmpmp5dc7186x3hbfgf 3949211 3949205 2026-06-05T14:06:27Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949211 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Marvin the Tap-Dancing Horse|Marvin the Tap-Dancing Horse]]''''' is an animated television show co-produced by [[w:Nelvana|Nelvana]] and Hong Guang Animation. It tells the stories of a young horse named Marvin who is part of a carnival. Among the executive producers are [[w:Michael Paraskevas|Michael Paraskevas]] and [[w:Betty Paraskevas|Betty Paraskevas]], creators of ''[[Maggie and the Ferocious Beast]]'', who also created the book that the show is based on. The show first aired on [[w:PBS Kids|PBS Kids]] in the United States as part of the [[w:PBS Kids Bookworm Bunch|PBS Kids Bookworm Bunch]] from 2000 to 2009. In Canada, it aired on [[w:Treehouse TV|Treehouse]] and [[w:Teletoon|Teletoon]], and in the United Kingdom, the series also aired on [[w:Tiny Pop|Tiny Pop]]. In 2007, reruns of the show began airing on [[w:Qubo|Qubo]] Channel in the US. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12. ==Marvin the Tap-Dancing Horse== * This is the Slime Carnival. They're weird around here. * Jack talks big sometimes and it usually gets him into trouble. * I bet no other carnival in the whole country has an all-penguin band. * Anyone who'd work for Lyman Slime has got to be desperate... or a clown. * Now, he may seem a little gruff, but don't let that bother you. He's really just a big pussy cat. ==Diamonds the Elephant== * ''['''Stripes''': A-ha!]'' We want to know what your little secret is! We have a right to know! ==Stripes the Tiger== * Oh, dry up, Elizabeth! * Mr. Grizzly! Oh, thank goodness! * Great Gorillas! Now what's the matter?! * There's only one way get to the bottom of all this. We'll just have to ask them. * What are you looking at? It's just my allergies acting up. I must be allergic to dogs... * According to our notes, you've been doing a lot of tapping and dancing in some infernal code that I just can't break! What are you doing, taking dance lessons or something? ==Elizabeth the Emotional Pig== * Oh, dear! * Oh, this is terrible! * Oh, you're so thoughtful. * I think I'm going to cry. * And I need my hankies for... for when I... cry! ==Fast-Talking Jack== * Yes, siree! * I'm the owner here. Jack's the name. Fast-Talking Jack. * Mr. P. Nutty, chief executive in charge of nut sales. All nutty, all the time! ==Lyman Slime== * Well, when you play for Lyman Slime, that's all you need to know. * You want anything done around here, you gotta do it yourself! ==Others== * '''Edna''': The fresher they are, the better they sting. * '''Mrs. Larue''': I bang my cane for many different things. * '''Clyde''': When we were little, you always won. * '''Boy with Glasses''': My dad's scarier than that. * '''Andrew''': Please get up! * '''Katie''': Hey, Andrew, I scared the kitty cat. * '''Ice Cream Kid''': I don't want any change. Mommy says I can ride the horsey as long as I want. * '''Squinty Pete''': Step right up, folks! You haven't been to the carnival till you've whomped a weasel! They're fast, furry, and fun. And it doesn't hurt 'em a bit! * '''Abner''': I can do lots of things, but I can't make people listen to me. * '''Pete''': There goes one fine pizza pig. * '''Mayor''': In light of the world class entertainment these folks provide, I'm happy to declare next Friday Carnival Day! ==Quotes== :'''Stripes''': We've got to find out for sure. :'''Elizabeth''': How? :'''Stripes''': We've got to spy on them. <hr width=50%/> :''[Benny was being found by Alice]'' :'''Alice''': Thank you, Marvin and Eddy for finding my puppy Benny. :'''Eddy''': You're welcome. :'''Marvin''': No problem. <hr width=50%/> :'''Stripes''': ''[mumbling]'' I'm getting nowhere with that blasted code. :'''Elizabeth''': Diamonds! Stripes! :'''Diamonds''': What did you see, Elizabeth? <hr width=50%/> :'''Stripes''': Oh, don't let them fool you. I bet it's some kind of a code. :'''Elizabeth''': Tapping in code. :'''Stripes''': We just have to crack the code. <hr width=50%/> :''[The Penguin's Five are watching "All My Piglets" on TV]'' :'''Blair''': ''[to Veronica]'' Oh, Veronica, won't you make me ''[off-screen]'' the happiest pig in the world? :'''Veronica''': ''[off-screen]'' Oh, Blair! :''[The three penguins begin laughing]'' ==Voice cast== *[[w:Ron Pardo|Ron Pardo]] as Marvin the Tap-Dancing Horse and Stripes the Tiger. *Marlowe Gardiner-Heslin as Eddy Largo. *[[w:Fiona Reid|Fiona Reid]] as Diamonds the Elephant. *[[w:Sheila McCarthy|Sheila McCarthy]] as Elizabeth the Emotional Pig. *[[w:Dwayne Hill|Dwayne Hill]] as Fast-Talking Jack. *[[w:Robin Duke|Robin Duke]] as Edna. *Rummy Bishop as Lyman Slime. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{PBS Kids shows}} [[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Chinese animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Chinese children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Chinese children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:Qubo shows]] [[Category:Teletoon original series]] gi0n938hfz7ky55z8kvwneb2xu3n0me 0 227037 3949261 3902411 2026-06-05T15:54:24Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949261 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[:w:Solar Opposites|Solar Opposites]]''''' (2020-) is an American animated sitcom, created by [[w:Justin Roiland|Justin Roiland]] and [[w:Mike McMahan|Mike McMahan]] for the video on demand service [[w:Hulu|Hulu]], about a family of aliens who take refuge in middle America. The series debuted May 8, 2020. {{tv-stub}} == Season 1 == === ''The Matter Transfer Array'' [1.01] === :'''Korvo''': You should be helping me construct the Earth drill. :'''Terry''': I have to take the Pupa to the dog park! We don't want to miss the Labradoodles! :'''Korvo''': Oh, oh, is the dog park more important than mining nickel alloys so we can repair our spaceship?! :'''Terry''': Uh, I don't know, Korvo. Can nickel alloy catch a Frisbee in the air? :'''Korvo''': We won't know until we get some! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Principal Cooke''': From now on, I want nothing but perfect behavior from you two. No [[w:terraforming|terraforming]] the gym, or making [[w:Pod People (Invasion of the Body Snatchers)|pod people]], or any of that ''[[w:The Outer Limits (1963 TV series|Outer]] [[w:The Outer Limits (1995 TV series)|Limits]]'' bullshit! You act like regular kids, or you will be expelled. Now get the ''fuck'' outta here! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry''': Funbucket has to be real. He ''has'' to be! :'''Korvo''': TV lied to us. It lied! :'''Terry''': Th-That's impossible! All of human history is recorded on the TV! I don't even know what's real anymore! Are submarines real?! Are penguins real?! :'''Korvo''': I don't know! Probably not! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry''': Why are you dissecting your classmate? :'''Yumyulack''': Despite having been examined by countless scientists over hundreds of years, the human brain is still a mystery. :'''Jesse''': Plus, she was mean to us at school! :'''Lydia''': ''Everyone'' is mean to them! I didn't invent it! === ''The Unstable Grey Hole'' [1.02] === :'''Korvo''': The homeowners' association is updating the rules again. "Gardeners need to have marked trucks. No RV parking in the driveway. All spaceships sticking out of houses need to be painted to match the trim." Are you hearing this?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Korvo''': I need to repair this godforsaken ship. And if people don't like us, that will make that job so much harder in so many ways. So to be clear, I don't need to be liked. It's strictly a work necessity. :'''Terry''': WELL, I NEED TO BE LIKED! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Korvo''': ''Solar Opposites'' will be right back after these set of... th-this set of subsequent advertisements. :''[After either some commercials or just a brief black screen]'' :'''Korvo''': Now back to ''Solar Opposites''. Unless you spring for expensive [[w:Hulu|Hulu]], then there was no commercial break and this doesn't make a whole lot of sense and is probably quite jarring. Good for you, Mr. Moneybags. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yumyulack and Jesse interrupt a rock band at a neo-Nazi bar]'' :'''Singer''': What the fuck?! :'''Yumyulack''': Hey, guys, if you think that's punk rock, wait till you hear my sister's song! :'''Jesse''': ''[singing nervously]'' "Interraciaaaaal love, friendship--" Ow! :''[A bottle gets thrown in Jesse's face, and she and Yumyulack flee into a closet]'' :'''Jesse''': Look, I do think humans are generally nice, but to prove that point to you today, I installed microchips in all of your enemies' heads that made them nice when I clicked this button! But I didn't know about these neo‐Nazis, so it's not gonna work and I think we're gonna ''die!'' :'''Yumyulack''': Ah, I ''told'' you some people are bad! :'''Jesse''': ''[sobbing]'' You're right, some people are really, really bad! This is just like the movie ''[[w:Green Room (film)|Green Room]]''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jesse''': I like humans, but I hate shoes. Like, how are we supposed to taste the ground? :'''Yumyulack''': I don't know. They don't flavour their ground either. :'''Jesse''': Pfft! Weird, right? === ''The Quantum Ring'' [1.03] === :'''Terry''': Oh god, he’s dead, My Korvy! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… === ''The Booster Manifold'' [1.04] === :'''Korvo''': I'm gooblering more than Zortex at the Camoodian Eve Parade. :'''Terry''': Oof, whatever ''that'' means... :'''Korvo''': Why are your jeans in the freezer?! :'''Terry''': J-[[w:Jennifer Garner|Jen Garner]] had an Insta all about cleaning your jeans like freezing sushi! :'''Korvo''': How am I supposed to enjoy THE ''ONE'' DIET DR PEPPER I ALLOW MYSELF A DAY '''''WITH BLUE FUCKING ICE CUBES?!?!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yumyulack''': My plan is to slip into the seat, do nothing, and then it will become normal that I'm there. :'''Jesse''': Worked for Hulu. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry''': I can't go to prison, I've got no butthole! How will I smuggle in treats?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Korvo''': The only way to stop this infection is to inject the serum under their skin. But we can't let them bite us or we'll turn crazy too, which is why we have to use these emergency medical weapons. :'''Yumyulack''': ''[toying with an spear]'' We get to cut people up? :'''Korvo''': It doesn't hurt them. The cuts all heal themselves because of the sci‐fi goo the blades emit. :'''Yumyulack''': Lame. :'''Jesse''': But wouldn't it be safer to use, like, a dart or something? :'''Terry''': You wanna use a dart? Okay, yeah. Go ahead, use a dart. This is ''way'' cooler than a dart. :'''Korvo''': Let's go stab some kids and save some lives! === ''The Lavatic Reactor'' [1.05] === :'''Principal Cooke''': Yumyulack, out of 180 days of school this year, you've been late 179 times! :'''Mrs. Frankie''': And Jesse, you've been late three times! :'''Jesse''': I'm a monster! :'''Yumyulack''': It's true, she is. :'''Principal Cooke''': If either of you are ever late or miss class ever again, then you will be expelled! Which means you'll have to go to military school - where the bullies will ''fuck'' you! :''[No reaction from Yumyulack or Jesse]'' :'''Mrs. Frankie''': And they make you shave your head. :'''Yumyulack''': But my hair defines me! :''[Camera closes in on a single, usually invisible hair on his head]'' :'''Principal Cooke''': Then don't! Fuck! Up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yumyulack''': This must be what summer school is - an intense psychological mind game, not unlike the Academy Award winning film ''[[w:Suicide Squad (film)|Suicide Squad]]''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jesse''': I bet you didn't know [[w:William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]] was the original rapper. :'''Yumyulack''': Oh, did Shakespeare live on Sedgwick Avenue with [[w:DJ Kool Herc|DJ Kool Herc]] in the Bronx, five years before the [[w:David Berkowitz|Son of Sam]]? :'''Jesse''': Yeah, sure. That's why Shakespeare's writing is like rap. Plus he made a bunch of money and sampled other playwrights without giving them any credit. :'''Yumyulack''': This makes me like Shakespeare! :'''Jesse''': Of course it does! My tough‐yet‐relatable teaching style is breaking through your emotional armour. :'''Yumyulack''': And how! === ''The P.A.T.R.I.C.I.A. Device'' [1.06] === === ''Terry and Korvo Steal A Bear'' [1.07] === === ''Retrace-Your-Step-Alizer'' [1.08] === :'''Korvo''': Where the ''fuck'' are all the dinosaurs?! What did they do to all the dinosaurs?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry''': Or what about when we teamed up with [[w:The Simpsons|the Simpsons]] for a game against the Monstars from ''[[w:Space Jam|Space Jam]]''? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry''': I mean, how are we sure we're not in a ''[[w:The Matrix (film)|The Matrix]]'' or a ''[[w:Matrix Reloaded|Matrix Reloaded]]''? :'''Korvo''': Because there would be green numbers floating around and leather sunglasses. <hr width=50%> :''[Last scene of season 1]'' :'''Terry''': Ha! I knew it! None of that stuff happened! ''[Pupa brings his Harry Potter Whistle to the Opposites]'' What the! ''[the Pupa arrives with a woodwind thing]'' How does the Pupa keep getting that Harry Potter Whistle? I thought we locked it up… :'''Korvo''': How does he keep getting that thing? :'''Terry''': Don’t everybody look at me… :'''Korvo''': You obviously gave it to him. :'''Terry''': I did not! :'''Korvo''': Damnit, Terry, you’ve gotta stop raising false alarms about the Pupa! Your’re making me Goobler! I’m- I’m- Gooblering! :'''Terry''': Uh, okay! Alright… ''[the Pupa changes color]'' :'''Yumyulack''': Wierd, he’s never done that before… :'''Jesse''': Pupa, stop that! Do you think we should tell Terry and Korvo? :'''Yumyulack''': Ugh, they’re already wound up. :'''Jesse''': But if he evolves, and kills all of us? :'''Yumyulack''': Yeah, right like that’ll never happen ''[leaves with Jesse, zooms to the Pupa]'' :'''Pupa''': ''[deep voice]'' See you next season, everyone… == Season 2 == === ''The Sacred Non-Repeating Number'' [2.01] === :'''Zelvod''': We were about to start our hourly prayers. Care to join? :'''Jesse''': Eh, we only pray on Easter or when we think we're about to die. And even then, we don't really mean it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry''': Can you believe those weirdo British aliens pray ''every hour?'' Next time, let's just ignore the distress signal. Bunch of [[w:Jar Jar Binks|Jar Jar ''Dinks'']]. "Mesa gonna hide from Terrans!" :''[Jesse giggles]'' :'''Korvo''': Those Shlorpians were exactly the way we're supposed to be. :'''Terry''': Sneaking out at night to dumpster dive for trash food? "Mesa gonna eat trash!" :'''Jesse''': They're basic. We're extra, they're basic. :'''Korvo''': They were not! :'''Terry''': I'm honestly surprised they didn't have a flying saucer. They were like a bunch of ALFs: Alone Loser ''Fucks.'' === ''The Earth Eraser'' [2.02] === :'''Korvo''': As team leader, I should be included in all things, which is why I demand that we ''all'' be invited to this dinnering party! :'''Terry''': No, I-I can't add a plus one so late in the date, let alone a plus two! :'''Korvo''': Then I will activate the Earth Eraser, and we can all get turned into dust! ''[does so]'' :'''Earth Eraser''': All matter will be atomized in five, four... :'''Terry''': Okay! Jesus fucking Christ, I added you to the RSBP. You've sufficiently cramped my style. :'''Korvo''': ''[stops the device's countdown]'' Good. We shall leave in an hour. I need to apply darker blue makeup to... everywhere under my robe. :'''Terry''': Man, we gotta throw out that Earth Eraser. :'''Earth Eraser''': Try and die, bitch! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Korvo''': Ugh, human battery power is so weak. Why haven't they discovered how to harness the power of love yet?! === ''The Lake House Device'' [2.03] === :'''[[Idris Elba]]''': We've been watching you. :'''Yumyulack''': Who's been watching me, Idris Elba? :'''Idris Elba''': The Big Dick Energy Council. We are a secret and mystic fraternity. Too complicated to explain, mate. :'''Yumyulack''': Oh, let me guess - it's, like, a bunch of people with big dicks? :'''Idris Elba''': Yeah, that's pretty much it. You have to understand. For centuries, our Council has been tasked with keeping a delicate balance of energy in the world. But your new BDE is buggering it all up! :'''Jesse''': ''[awestruck]'' "Buggering" means fucking in British! :'''Yumyulack''': I know what "buggering" means! :'''Idris Elba''': I came to offer you a spot on the Council. [[w:Christian Bale|Christian Bale]] stepped down after he lost all that penis weight for a movie. You could be one of the greats, but only we can show you how to harness your power for good! :'''Yumyulack''': My answer... IS NO! I don't need you or your stupid Council! :'''Idris Elba''': BDE is a power stronger than any man! And if you're not careful, it will consume you! :'''Yumyulack''': Are you threatening me, Idris Elba? :'''Idris Elba''': Just keepin' it real, mate. :'''Yumyulack''': Well, why don't you keep ''this'' real, "mate"? I'm gonna make a dick so big that you and your stupid Council will be ''begging'' me to suck it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yumyulack''': Sigourney, I went too far! I flew too close to the big dick sun, and now everyone is gonna die! :'''[[w:Sigourney Weaver|Sigourney Weaver]]''': Hush, my child. No one is dying today, because I have the one and only thing, since the beginning of time, that can stop BDE. You see, I am made of pure NFG: "No Fսcks Given". ''[shows a tattooed "NFG" on her wrist]'' Yes, that's right, my sweet, sweet boy - I don't give a fսck. :'''Yumyulack''': That's so cool. I was thinking of getting the [[w:Arby's|Arby's]] logo tattooed on my back... :'''Sigourney Weaver''': No. === ''The Emergency Urbanizer'' [2.04] === :'''Yumyulack''': Like a screaming competition! :'''Jesse''': Go! ''[they leave as they scream]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Yumyulack''': Ooh, camp sounds amazing! I'm excited to use my bounty hunting skills to hunt down and torture those who have captured the flag! :'''Jesse''': And I'm excited for a sexual awakening! I heard last year, Julia Holland went to camp a girl and came back a woman - but then it turned out it actually was a woman and they never found Julia's body. Crazy, huh? :'''Terry''': Well, I'm excited to perform something from ''[[w:Angels in America|Angels in America]]'' on talent night. I took out all the gay stuff and doubled the angels! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cinthy''': And of course, you couldn't be bothered to attend Yumyulack Jr.'s christening, 'cause you're too busy puttin' your nose in a pile of cocaine, and your dick in a pile of ''crack'' cocaine! :'''Yumyulack''': Okay, what if I ''did'' fuck crack cocaine?! What difference would it make?! You don't know anything about me anymore, Cinthy! :'''Cinthy''': I know ''one'' about ya: you're about to be divorced! :'''Yumyulack''': I wish I'd never bought this wooden penis! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Anchorman on TV''': A mysterious wooden city that recently appeared out of nowhere tragically burned to the ground last week, in a fire experts are calling "inevitable". :'''Terry''': I gotta be honest, I feel bad the wooden city is gone. They had a really good Arby's... to get fucked in. === ''The Rad Awesome Teriffic Ray'' [2.05] === :'''Korvo''': Red Goobler? Wait a hot fucking second, I thought you killed the Red Goobler last year! After he hunted us in the Halloween store! R-Remember that whole thing?! :'''Terry''': Yeah, I lied about killing him. He got away, and I kinda just thought maybe he'd disappear, like that eye that used to be on my back. ''[turns and lifts his shirt, revealing the eye]'' :'''Korvo''': Dammit, Terry! That eye is still there, and so is the Red Goobler. :'''Terry''': Hey, what the fuck? Why's he so big? Last time we saw him, he was about the size of a softball, or, like, a fat baseball. :'''Korvo''': I don't know, Terry. He probably grows when I'm stressed out. Or maybe he eats a lot. Stop trying to poke holes! :'''Terry''': Well, sorry for trying to be consistent! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jesse''': Ooh, I didn't know you had a pocket dimension. :'''Yumyulack''': Pretty sweet, right? :'''Jesse''': Yeah, maybe if it wasn't pink... :'''Yumyulack''': YOU DON'T GET TO CHOOSE THE COLOUR! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jesse''': Oh, this is it, we're done. Someone's gonna find out we're big cheaters and then they're gonna kill us, just like they did with [[w:Lance Armstrong|Lance Armstrong]]. :'''Yumyulack''': He wasn't killed, they just took one nut. :'''Jesse''': Well, we don't have any nuts! What are they gonna take?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry''': I need your help moving fifteen to twenty rat women to a Red Goobler wedding, come on! :'''Jesse''': That's the most ''Solar Opposites'' thing I've ever heard. === ''The Apple Pencil Pro'' [2.06] === === ''The Unlikely Demise of Terry's Favorite Shot Glass'' [2.07] === === ''The Solar Opposites Almost Get An Xbox'' [2.08] === :'''Terry''': Party's over, man. You took too long with the fish. I told you, just order [[w:Burger Lounge|Burger Lounge]]. Everyone at an orgy expects to be eating Burger Lounge. ''[to the camera]'' Burger Lounge: eat clean, fuck dirty. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yumyulack zaps a baby with an alien ray]'' :'''Yumyulack''': ''[to mother]'' Now your baby can read. You're welcome. :'''Mother''': What? Why? :'''Yumyulack''': ''[zaps her too]'' Now ''you'' can read! Getting fulfilled! :'''Mother''': I could already read, I'm a famous novelist! :'''Yumyulack''': ''[zaps her hat]'' Now your hat can read! :'''Mother''': Stop that! What are you doing?! :'''Yumyulack''': ''[zaps her car]'' Your car can read! :'''Mother''': This alien is educating my things! :'''Policeman''': Stop right there, you dirty alien! ''[Yumyulack zaps him]'' Oh God, I can read? What if I gain empathy?! What if I learn things that force me to re-evaluate my hardline conservative opinions?! OH MY GOD! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry''': Ooh, my word of the day! Today's word is "dilatory", meaning "moving or proceeding at less than the normal speed". I'll use it in a sentence: I am dilatory all the time, because I'm kinda lazy and fսckin' stupid. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Korvo''': I guess we're in a "There can be only one" ''[[w:Highlander (franchise)|Highlander]]'' type situation. :'''Jesse''': Wait, I thought that show was about a hot nurse who goes back in time to get her ass eaten out! :'''Korvo''': No, that's ''[[w:Outlander (TV series)|Outlander]]''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Korvo''': Aisha, I need that magic potion. :'''Aisha''': The one we keep in [[w:Narnia (world)|Narnia]]? We promised we would never go back! == ''Very Solar Holiday Opposites'' == :'''Korvo''': Remember when we all went and saw ''[[w:Ready Player One (film)|Ready Player One]]''? :'''Yumyulack''': No. But I wipe my mind after seeing any movie where people don't steal the Declaration of Independence. :'''Korvo''': There was one scene in ''Ready Player One'' where that computer kid went inside ''[[w:The Shining (film)|The Shining]]''. :'''Yumyulack''': Wait, they just put a better movie inside their movie? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Korvo''': Mutants?! There can't be mutants in a Christmas movie! These are completely shoehorned in - like that spider tank from the end of ''[[w:Wild Wild West|Wild Wild West]]''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry''': Since when did [[w:James Stewart|Jimmy Stewart]] have a gun in [[w:It's a Wonderful Life|that movie?]] :'''Jesse''': Everyone used to carry a gun back then. [[w:Shirley Temple|Shirley Temple]] used to keep one up her hoo-ha! That's what the song "[[w:On the Good Ship Lollipop|Lollipop]]" is about! :'''Yumyulack''': Duh - everyone knows that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry''': Aaaargh, I wish I'd never made us watch stupid ''[[w:Jingle All the Way|Jingle All the Way]]''! I should have picked a regular Christmas movie, like ''[[w:Die Hard|Die Hard]]'' or ''[[w:Gremlins|Gremlins]]'' or ''[[w:Piranha 3D|Piranha 3D]]''! :'''Korvo''': Shut the fuck up, Terry. We'd be in the exact same situation. Those aren't Christmas movies! :'''Terry''': They are too! Any movie that takes place on Christmas is a Christmas movie now! I guess ''Piranha 3D'' doesn't... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Korvo''': Dammit, how did the Pupa get his ''[[w:Harry Potter|Harry Potter]]'' whistle again?! Terry, I thought you locked it up in the childproof cabinets where we keep the poison darts! :'''Terry''': I did, I did, I put it behind the poison darts! :'''Jesse''': That song is so annoying! Stop it, Pupa! :'''Terry''': You didn't do anything for the Christmas stuff with this, Pupa, you're bad! :'''Yumyulack''': How does he keep getting that thing?! Is he, like, out getting help?! Who would do that?! He can't even complete a full sentence! :'''Pupa''': ''[stops playing the whistle after Terry, Korvo, Jesse, and Yumyulack leave the room]'' Merry Christmas, everyone! == Season 3 == === ''The Extremity Triangulator'' [3.01] === :''[An orientation crystal projects a video featuring a Shlorpian general]'' :'''Shlorpian General''': ''In these first moments of your mission, remember what is at stake. Shlorp is depending on your--'' :'''Terry''': Ugh! Boring, boring, boring! ''[fast-forwards video]'' :'''Shlorpian General''': ''Yumyulack, protector and head of security. You ward off any threats to the mission. Strong and fierce, willing to die so the team can live.'' :'''Yumyulack''': Let's put "willing to die" down as a maybe. :'''Shlorpian General''': ''Jesse, the chronicler. Be observant. Record your adventures with clarity, both in triumph and defeat so future Shlorpians learn from your mistakes.'' :'''Jesse''': Whoa, I'm like the [[w:J. K. Rowling|J. K. Rowling]] of this pack! ''Crucio''! :''[A subtitle reads "THIS EPISODE WAS WRITTEN IN 2009"]'' :'''Shlorpian General''': ''Terry, your job is most important. Because the Pupa will grow up to terraform your new planet, you must nurture him. For as the Pupa specialist, he is your responsibility--'' :'''Terry''': ''[stops the video]'' Hold the fսck on! ''I'm'' supposed to be taking care of the Pupa?! :'''Jesse''': Korvo says that all the time, Terry! :'''Yumyulack''': Yeah, this isn't news. :'''Terry''': I'm not ready to raise a Pupa! I-I'm still finding myself! I wanna go to Cabo, dammit! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jesse''': Oh no! Terry's arms formed a [[w:rat king|rat king]] and they sided with Gladwell! :'''Korvo''': How did you gather that so fast? :'''Jesse''': Because I'm young and adulthood hasn't atrophied my imagination! === ''Edamame Duffle Bag'' [3.02] === :'''Yumyulack''': Damn, you look ''thicc'', Pupa. What's the deal? :'''Korvo''': He gets all backed up with the stuff he eats off the ground. Terry's supposed to clean him out, but he hates doing it. :''[In the background, Terry enters the room, then nervously crawls out on all fours]'' :'''Korvo''': Don't let him hear it's time, or he'll hide in the crawlspace under the house. :''[The table jolts as a bump is heard]'' :'''Terry''': ''[muffled]'' Ow! :'''Jesse''': We could do it! Decluttering stuff is a passion of mine, like pottery or Korean hentai. :'''Korvo''': Great, it's all yours. See if Terry's retainer is in there - his teeth are starting to look like [[w:Justin Roiland|Justin]] drew them himself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry''': Grab my hand, like they did in ''[[w:True Lies|True Lies]]''! :'''Korvo''': Why wouldn't you say "Like in ''[[w:Cliffhanger (film)|Cliffhanger]]''"?! You know I love that movie! :'''Terry''': Yeah, but I don't! [[w:John Lithgow|John Lithgow]] as the villain?! No thank you! === ''The Pupa's Big Day'' [3.03] === :'''Korvo''': This is stupid! How are we still in the same goddamn line from last episode?! :'''Terry''': Ah, this could take forever. That's part of why it's so great! :'''Jesse''': Have we moved at all? :'''Yumyulack''': Not me. But I try to limit my movements each day so I can save energy, in case I run into [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]] - so I can punch him in the face for plagiarizing my whole tone! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Korvo''': Are we really making one episode just go into another, as if we're some kind of acclaimed television program like ''[[w:24 (TV series)|24]]''? === ''Hululand'' [3.04] === :'''Korvo and Terry''': The Solar Opposites are going to Hululand! :'''Korvo''': It's not gonna be like that "[[w:Itchy & Scratchy Land|Itchy & Scratchy Land]]" episode of ''[[w:The Simpsons|The Simpsons]]'', just to be clear right up front. :'''Terry''': We'll see about that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yumyulack''': I'm glad Korvo paid for season passes, so we won't have to watch a bunch of ads as we walk through the park. :'''Jesse''': Well, except for some rides, which, due to previous rights issues, ''have'' to start and end with a commercial for [[w:Lexus|Lexus]]. :'''Yumyulack''': I heard sometimes they try to sneak ads into the actual rides without telling people. Not that I'd mind with Lexus. ''[to the camera, while a Lexus poster is shown on their wall]'' Their vehicles are the peak of luxury and automotive excellence! === ''The Gargoyle Ray'' [3.05] === :'''CPS Officer''': Terry is special, and he went to a school for special kids. :'''Korvo''': Okay, but I thought we couldn't call them "special" anymore because of [[w:Antifa (United States)|Antifa]]. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yumyulack''': Whoa - Principal Cooke has seen some darkness. Now I kinda like him. :'''Jesse''': Me too! All he ever wanted to do was play the trumpet, but his dad was a big fat piece of shit. Maybe we were ''meant'' to be here. Maybe today is about seeing people through ''their'' eyes and not how we perceive them. Maybe if we help Principal Cooke, we'll get out alive and with a better understanding of how a life not lived can crush a man's soul-- :'''Yumyulack''': Okay, that is way too bleak for me. This isn't ''[[w:BoJack Horseman|BoJack Horseman]]''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Sylvester Stallone|Sylvester Stallone]]''': You know, it's moments like this, moments of crisis, when you find out who you really are and where you belong. :'''Korvo''': Wow, Sylvester Stallone, I... never thought of it that way. :'''Sylvester Stallone''': I learned that from [[w:Dolly Parton|Dolly Parton]] on the set of ''[[w:Rhinestone (film)|Rhinestone]]'', when a grip was choking on an egg roll. I froze up. But Dolly didn't. She saved that fat man's life. That was the moment I realized she was the star, and I was not... gonna get a look at those massive hooters. === ''99 Ships'' [3.06] === :''[After hearing about how Team 4 died]'' :'''Yumyulack''': ''[grinning]'' Whoa, their sun went nova?! How do we make ours do that?! :'''Aisha''': You just have to find an isotope of-- :'''Korvo''': DON'T TELL HIM! That's three dead teams in a row. :'''Aisha''': So? :'''Korvo''': Isn't that, like, totes random? :'''Aisha''': Space is fսcking dangerous. :'''Yumyulack''': ''[still grinning]'' Hell yeah, it is! Tell us about more dead teams! :'''Terry''': But skip the backstories. I don't wanna get emotionally invested if they're all gonna get [[w:The Lion King|Mufasa]]-ed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Korvo''': 42 teams got eaten by [[w:Tyrannosaurus|T. rexes]]?! :'''Aisha''': What? They're one of the strongest dinosaurs. :'''Korvo''': That's almost half of us! :'''Aisha''': It's weird that they're carnivores and you're plants, so they're not even getting nutrition. They're just being dicks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After hearing about how Team 63 were eaten by a giant flightless bird]'' :'''Yumyulack''': Hey! A giant bird is basically a T. rex! :'''Aisha''': You're basically a little bitch. === ''The Platinum Beyblade Burst 800 Takara Tomy Edition'' [3.07] === === ''The Cubic Lattice Crystallizer'' [3.08] === :'''Korvo''': They're always talking about "brunch". Brunch isn't real! It's either "bread" or "crunch", you can't have both. Pick a lane, idiots! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Korvo''': We're being spied on. Everyone in that restaurant had earpieces. No one was eating their dinner, they just kept staring at us. :'''Yumyulack''': Uh, yeah, these are rural people. Seeing city folk like us is a big deal, 'cause we're so much better dressed and smarter than they is. === ''The Rays That Turn People Into Various Things'' [3.09] === === ''Terry and Korvo Get in a Big Screaming Fight in the Taco Bell Parking Lot'' [3.10] === === ''The Fog of Pupa'' [3.11] === :'''Korvo''': You shall be grounded for one earth month. :'''Pupa''': Grounded? :'''Korvo''': Yes, grounded. :'''Terry''': Oh No, oh, it’s gonna be okay! Korvo, you made him cry, psychopath. == ''A Sinister Halloween Scary Opposites Solar Special'' == :''[Terry and Jesse dig up a corpse]'' :'''Jesse''': Oof. Smells like all [[w:One Hundred and One Dalmatians|101 Dalmatians]] took a shit in here! ''[answers her phone]'' Whoa, Disney Standards and Practices are ''already'' calling me? To voicemail you go. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Aisha''': You're standing way too close to that cauldron. If either one of y'all fall in and end up a toad or some shit, I'm not kissing you back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yumyulack''': ''[being stretched on a rack in Hell]'' Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Ohhh, that's making the plant fiber I have instead of a spine feel better than it has in years! :'''Fly Demon''': Fuck! :'''Yumyulack''': Hey, it's okay, you just don't know how to torture an alien. :'''Griffin Demon''': If torments of flesh do not affect you, we have other ways! How would you feel seeing... ''YOUR MOTHER DEVOURED BY A WOLF?!'' :'''Yumyulack''': I don't have a mom! I was grown from a clipping in a bucket of dirt! :'''Griffin Demon''': A "clipping"?! :'''Yumyulack''': Yeah, like a tiny piece of Korvo, my team leader. I'm a replicant! :'''Griffin Demon''': ''[sighs]'' :'''Fly Demon''': We usually just deal with humans and racist dogs. Sometimes dolphins. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Satan''': What's happening? What's that beam?! :'''Yumyulack''': ''[laughs as the beam lifts him]'' Oh, shit! My family is bringing me back from the dead, because they're SCI-FI AS ''FUCK,'' BABY! All this stupid Hell shit is derivative! Including you, you big ''BITCH! [laughs again]'' :'''Satan''': Stop that! Get back here! :'''Yumyulack''': SUCK MY SCI-FI, SATAN! ''[rises up out of Hell]'' ==''Season 4''== ===''The Ping Pong Table [4.1]''=== :''[First scene of the new season]'' :'''Terry''': Guys, guys, guys, check it out, I got the original dartboard on cheers on eBay! I only costs a hundred thousand dollars! I’m gonna put it up… :'''Jesse''': Hey, I thought Korvo said “No more throwing metal in the house” after you got that butter knife stuck in his eye. :'''Terry''': These are famous darts! Whatever Korvo doesn’t know won’t hurt him! Watch this… ''[accidentally throws a dart at Korvo’s neck]'' Whoa! Oh my god! :'''Jesse''': You hit Korvo in the throat, Terry! :'''Yumyulack''': Oh my god! :'''Terry''': Go get the Voice Changing Ray… ''[Yumyulack goes upstairs]'' I’m sorry, big guy, my bad, we’ll get this fixed in a jiffy… ''[Yumyulack zaps Korvo’s neck]'' :'''Korvo''': ''[new voice]'' I told you not to throw metal around here, we’re going to be late for work, stop buggering about… ===''The Pronunciation Cassette Tapes [4.4]''=== :'''Park Ranger''': Boo! :'''Korvo, Terry, Yumyulack, and Deeno''': AAAAAAAHHHH!! ''[run off]'' :'''Park Ranger''': ''[gets his ghost sheet off]'' I suppose you’re wondering why I went through all this trouble. :'''Jesee''': Just get the Fuck out of here! :'''Korvo''': A one, two, a one two, three, four! ''[singing]'' The Deeno and the Opposites! From prehistoric times to something space! Something, something out of this world! Okay, okay, stop, stop! Just rocking from the heart isn’t working! We need to write some lyrics! :'''Terry''': No, keep rocking! :'''Jesee''': ''[still in bed, listening to loud music]'' '''AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''' == Cast == * [[w:Justin Roiland|Justin Roiland]] - Korvo * [[w:Dan Stevens|Dan Stevens]] - Korvo * [[w:Thomas Middleditch|Thomas Middleditch]] - Terry * [[w:Sean Giambrone|Sean Giambrone]] - Yumyulack * [[w:Mary Mack (comedian)|Mary Mack]] - Jesse * Sagan McMahan - The Pupa * [[w:Tiffany Haddish|Tiffany Haddish]] - Aisha * [[w:Alfred Molina|Alfred Molina]] - The Duke * [[w:Andrew Daly|Andrew Daly]] - Tim * [[w:Christina Hendricks|Christina Hendricks]] - Cherie * [[w:Jason Mantzoukas|Jason Mantzoukas]] - Vanbo == Related == *''[[Rick and Morty]]'' == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|8910922}} * [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hHoKWE4Vb4 Solar Opposites] Trailer via [[YouTube]] * [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMDb4ewturw Solar Opposites] Red Band Trailer via [[YouTube]] [[Category:2020s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s American sitcoms]] [[Category:American animated sitcoms]] [[Category:Traditionally adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:American comic science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated TV spin-offs]] [[Category:Hulu shows]] [[Category:Current shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about dysfunctional families]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about extraterrestrial life]] [[Category:Television series by Fox Television Animation]] [[Category:Single-camera sitcoms]] khxoneckyp1vvsdlbq8clnhv96dpjix 0 227982 3949264 3945715 2026-06-05T15:57:17Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949264 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Dragon Tales|Dragon Tales]]''''' (1999–2005) is a English-French language American-Canadian-Quebecois 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (traditional, hand-inked, hand-painted, and hand-colored cel animation (Pilot) (1999 (un-produced/un-aired))/(Season 1) (1999-2000)/digital inking-and-painting, and coloring animation (Seasons 2-3) (2001-2005))) educational fantasy children's television series in which two younger human siblings named Emmy, who was a 7-year old girl, and her younger brother named Max, who was a 5-year old boy, and later their new next-door neighbor named Enrique, who was a 8-year old boy, who was first appeared in Season 3, go on adventures in a magical land of dragons of three types, which are earth, winged and horned. The show was produced by the Children's Television Workshop (Season 1) (1999-2000)/Sesame Workshop (Seasons 2-3) (2001-2005), and Columbia TriStar Television (Seasons 1-2) (1999-2002)/Sony Pictures Television (Season 3) (2005), and distributed by Columbia TriStar Television Distribution (Season 1) (1999-2000)/Columbia TriStar Domestic Television (Season 2) (2001-2002)/Sony Pictures Television (Season 3) (2005), and was un-aired on broadcast syndication (regional syndication (first-run syndication)/public broadcasting syndication) (Pilot) (1999), and PBS (PTV/PTV Park) (Pilot) (1999) in English, in the United States, and CBC Television (CBC Playground) (Pilot) (1999) in English, in Canada, and Radio-Canada Television (Pilot) (1999) in French, in Canada, and Quebec, for the un-aired 24-minute pilot episode (un-aired two 12-minute pilot segments), called ''One Small Step for Cassie'', which was the first pilot segment, and ''Circle of Friends'', which was the second pilot segment, until the show was later aired on PBS (PBS Kids) (Seasons 1-3) (1999-2005) in English, in the United States, and CBC Television (Seasons 1-3) (1999-2005) (CBC Playground (Season 1) (1999-2000)/Get Set for Life (Season 2) (2001-2002)/Kids' CBC (Season 3) (2005)) in English, in Canada, and Radio-Canada Television (Seasons 1-3) (1999-2005) in French, in Canada, and Quebec, and was un-produced in mid-1999, for the un-aired 26-minute pilot episode (un-aired two 12-minute pilot segments), called ''One Small Step for Cassie'', which was the first pilot segment, and ''Circle of Friends'', which was the second pilot segment, until the show was later debuted on September 6, 1999, and ended on April 11, 2005. The show was aimed at kindergarteners, and elementary school children, and from ages 4 to 8. ==Season 1 (1999-2000)== ===''To Fly with Dragons'' [1.1a]=== ===''The Forest of Darkness'' [1.1b]=== :'''Mom''': Emmy, Max, everything all right up here?'' :'''Emmy''': Yeah, Mom. We were just coloring. There. Look what I did. :'''Max''': Whoa. This looks just like Cassie. :'''Emmy''': Maybe it's because it was Cassie. And I'm gonna give it to her as a gift. :'''Max''': Were you going to Dragon Land? Yeah. Me too. Because I got a great surprise for Ord. And he's gonna like it. :'''Emmy''': What is that? :'''Max''': It's bubble gum. And I've only been chewing it one time. Hey. Maybe we should get something for Zak, and Wheezie. :'''Emmy''': I know. Maybe we should let them borrow our harmonicas. So, come on. Max, Let's just go to Dragon Land. ===''To Kingdom Come'' [1.2a]=== :'''Emmy''': If you'd shared the Wish Shell in the first place, Ord, we definitely wouldn't be in this mess! <hr width="55%"/> :''[Ord breaks off a tiny piece of his cupcake and offers it to Monsieur Marmadune, however is not enough.]'' :'''Monsieur Marmadune''': This was sharing? :'''Ord''': ''[breaks off a larger piece of his cupcake]'' This much? :'''Max''': More... :'''Ord''': ''[breaks another piece again]'' This much? :'''Max''': More... :'''Ord''': ''[depressed]'' Oh... this was so hard! ''[until ultimately divide his cupcake in half and offers it to Monsieur Marmadune]'' <hr width="55%"/> :'''Ord''': Hey look, my dragon badge is shining! I did it, I shared! ===''Good-bye, Little Caterpoozle!'' [1.2b]=== *''[When Emmy, Max, Ord, Cassie, Zak, and Wheezie saw Poozie, the caterpoozle, inside a silk sack --called a [[w:chrysalis|chrysalis]]-- and is sleeping inside it.]'' *'''Cassie''': ''[gasps]'' Oh, she is dead! ''[cries]'' Oh, Poozie! ===''Knot a Problem'' [1.3a]=== ===''Ord's Unhappy Birthday'' [1.3b]=== :''[The episode starts out in the playroom where Max and Emmy are wrapping presents. Emmy’s is all wrapped up quick and angrily-ish while Max’s is rather wrinkled and uneven.]'' :'''Max''': Look Emmy! I'm done wrapping my birthday present for Ord. Neat, huh? :''[Max holds up his present, but the ribbon unravels and falls off.]'' :'''Emmy''': [unsure] I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, Max! :''[Max struggles to tie the ribbon back on. Emmy refuse to help.]'' :'''Emmy''': No time, no time, no time! For a very important date. No time to make a bow for you. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. :'''Max''': Now, this is curious. It must be awfully important, like a party or something. :''[Max puts his left index finger on the knot while Emmy ties the bow. But it ends up being so tight, Max's finger gets stuck in the ribbon.]'' :'''Max''': Hey! My finger’s stuck! :'''Emmy''': [with voice raised and sounding genuinely annoyed] Come on, Max, there is no time to help Cassie! This no time to get ready for Ord's surprise birthday party! :''[Max and Emmy hold the scale and start saying their lately wish.]'' :'''Max and Emmy''': I'm late, I'm late, I'm late with all my very important heart. No time to fly with dragons in a land apart. :''[The dragons on the wall come to life and circle around the kids flying faster and faster until they disappear in a bright light and soon they arrive in DragonLand.]'' :'''Emmy''': We're late! This is the perfect rush to Cassie!! :'''Max''': I'm late!!! :''[Max grabs her wrist and they're running to the dragon tail waving behind a tree but is blue, not pink.]'' :'''Max''': Cassie! I'm late, I'm late.... :''[The figure that comes out from behind the tree is, in fact, a door banging and pounding]'' :'''Emmy''': ''[angrily whispering, hissing irritated, quietly]'' '''SHHH!!''' Quiet, Max! Don't say such things to King Ord! Hide your present! :''[Emmy swipes her gift behind her back and Max tries to hide his but his finger is still stuck on the bow. Ord approaches the kids and he bows down.]'' :'''Ord''': Max, Emmy, I'm ruler of my birthday! Look what mom and dad got me! ''[shows them a pencil with a feathery end and he draws a little tic-tac-toe grid in midair]'' :'''Ord''': It draws on anything, how much greater I'd be! What a king! I'd be ruler of all that I see! Oh, you wanna bark orders? :'''Max''': Leave me alone! :'''Emmy''': We are not friends! :''[Suddenly, Ord Gets Growling In Frustration At The Angry Snaps And He Launches Into An Rage Outburst]'' '''YOU KNOW WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' :'''Emmy''': [thunders angrily] '''OH REALLY, ORD, ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?! IT ISN'T FAIR! IT IS, IN FACT, A COMPLETE AND TOTAL OUTRAGE!!!''' We're angry with you, Your Majesty. I'm serious! Today's your birthday! So you '''LEAVE ME ALONE!!!''' :'''Ord''': No! You're just not looking hard enough! I don't wanna play! :''[Max is angry without say yes, he remembered...]'' :'''Max''': You can't. No time to meet Cassie, I will NEVER seen you again and leave me alone forever. :'''Emmy''': ''[interrupting]'' I'm upset! :'''Ord''': Louder! :'''Emmy''': [loud] I'm upset! :'''Ord''': '''LOUDER!''' :'''Emmy''': [louder] '''I'M UPSET!''' :'''Ord''': [shouting to enraged] '''SILENCE!! For the final TIME, SAY IT LOUDER!!!''' :'''Emmy''': [turns red in anger, furiously growls] '''I'M UPSET!!! I SAID "STOP IT"!!! I'M REALLY TIRED OF YOU!!!''' I’m never let you again! Never, Never, NEVER letting mention that being such a bully, and you didn't do anything that’s mine ever having a picnic without Cassie! :'''Ord''': (growls angry as well) Well, Today's my very favorite day of the year, than you would be better off without me, I've ruined their lives, and I wish I'd never been born! :'''Emmy''': (angrily) I'm late!! I'm very late!!! Now I won't want my help tomorrow anymore to get out of here and you're going our separate ways forever is much too braggy as bossy king! So, this is no fun to be boss around your dumb the whole day with you doing all kinds of ridiculous straight with you, King Ord! Now get out, or you're '''FIRED!! I! GIVE!! UP!!!''' :'''Ord''': (enraged with angriest) '''I'M KING!!! I WILL NEVER SPEAKING TO EITHER ONE OF YOU EVER AGAIN!!!''' :'''Max''': '''YOU ARE FIRED!! I want you to get out, NOOW! and that's an order!!!''' :'''Ord''': [angrily shouts] '''I'M KING TO COMMAND YOU, SILENCE!!!!!''' :'''Emmy and Max''': '''STOP IT!!!''' :'''Ord''': (Turns red) '''YOU'RE FIRED!!!''' :'''Emmy''': [wailing angrily] '''YOU YELLED AT ME!!!''' [Turns Red With Anger, Growls Furiously And Angrily Fed Up] '''GRRRARRGH!''' I’m done with you without your birthday! '''I'LL SMASH YOUR BIRTHDAY AWAY!!! THAT BOSSY KING IS STUPID ANYWAY!!!''' :'''Ord''': '''YOUR HEIRS!!!''' :'''Max''': '''LEAVE!!!''' :'''Ord''': [angry, raising an eyebrow] '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!''' :'''Emmy and Max''': [furiously pointing] '''OUT!''' :'''Ord''': [snaps] '''I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!''' :'''Emmy and Max''': ''[they're angrily pushing Ord and furiously slams the door, leaving Ord all alone, pointing once more]'' '''OUT!''' :'''Ord''': [starts growls madly] That's it, I am the ruler of all that I'm leaving!!! [storms off furiously at a huff] :''[The kids later arrived angrily & lately at the treehouse.]'' :'''Max''': ''[firmly whispering]'' I'll never join the secret knock! :''[Angry, Emmy shakes her fist in rages out a series of gasps, which get more tense by shoves into his mouth, hearing banging & pounding on the door many times and makes them growling. The door opens, furiously revealing Cassie.]'' :'''Cassie''': Shh, Calm down, Max! calm down, Emmy! Shush, shush! You must be upset. Are you upset?! I thought you were Ord. :'''Max''': [sadly] No, this was Ord's fault with a mix up with psychical violence blame. Look, King Ord’s too angry about being bossy birthday in the meadow. :''[Max and Emmy head inside while Cassie gets a little worried that Ord might have followed them.]'' :'''Cassie''': What's wrong with you, Emmy? Come on. :'''Emmy''': [growls] I don't want to hear about ord. We had too frustrated when he's way too bossy. :'''Max''': [glares] Of course you're so late! I don't understand make him bossy traitor!? If you do, you're fired at military school! :'''Cassie''': Just chill out, chill out. I bet he couldn’t play with the bossiness of King Ord, who's willing to barked orders until we surprise him. So don't say a word 'til you two can help me blow up the balloons. :''[Cassie hands Max and Emmy grabs a balloon angrily. Max tries inflate one up but release and comes out flying. Max then wobbles around holding his head.]'' :'''Max''': Wow! I’m dizzy. :'''Cassie''': Don’t worry, Max. I’ll blow them up. :''[Cassie blows up a balloon herself.]'' :'''Max''': Hey, That's insane! :''[Emmy swipes Max the balloons.]'' :'''Emmy''': You have done that to me too many times, Max. I will not stand for what you did! You're fired! So you '''LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!''' :'''Max''': [angry] Go Away, Em! :''[She furiously storms off without helping Max as he holding three balloons, a green and pointy one with yellow spots, and lavender one shaped like a star and a pink one with a smiley face on it, to whom Max sticks his tongue out and laugh.]'' <hr width="90%"/> :'''Zak''': Ord! What's the matter with you, Your Majesty? :'''Wheezie''': Why are you angry, Your Majesty? :'''Ord''': (ragingly) You hush up your mouth, Go away and no right to talk to leave me alone, and I wish I'd never been born!!! :'''Zak''': Do you hear that? :'''Wheezie''': Really? ''[Looks to the ones on top of their heads.]'' Oh, those hats. Those aren’t party hats. They're uh... umm... :'''Zak''': Rain-hats. Only it's not raining. Guess we don’t need them, Wheezie. <hr width="90%"/>:''[Just then his royal banging and a pounding is heard on the door.]'' :'''Zak''': ''[whispering]'' Is he coming this way?! :'''Sid Sycamore''': ''[whispering]'' That wasn’t the secret knock. It’s King Ord! He rudes everything! :''[Everyone gasps & scrambles to hide everything very quickly. Zak and Wheezie take the pizza, Max puts away the party hats, and Emmy swipes the balloons and hands them to Sid Sycamore without taking.]'' :'''Sid Sycamore''': [warns her] Emmy, no swiping! Emmy, no swiping! Emmy, no swiping! :'''Emmy''': [madder] Sid, You're fired! I'm too angry! '''YOU ARE FIRED!!''' :'''Sid Sycamore''': [angrily scolding] It's too late, you're a crook... [furiously] You're a '''CHEAT''' and a '''SWINDLER...!''' '''THAT'S''' it! I will never seen you again or you're fired!! [lividly] '''YOU'RE AN INHUMAN MONSTER!!!''' :'''Emmy''': [screamed furiously] '''I SAID "YOU ARE FIRED"!! THAT'S IT, SID!!''' :''[Meanwhile they hand the rest of the stuff to Zak and Wheezie.]'' :'''Zak''': Where are you gonna put that? :''[Wheezie ultimately decides to put the stuff in their pouch.]'' :'''Zak''': Ew! That feels gross! :''[All that was left was the tablecloth which they remove as Ord slams the door open.]'' :'''Ord''': [snaps] I’m very annoyed with you, Emmy! I'm king, and I wish I'd never been born!! :''[Inside the gang snarl on the floor with a puzzle.]'' :'''Emmy''': [angrily scolds very pissed] You're bossy, King Ord! I'm very angry with you! This is your last warning! It's a complete disaster when enough is enough!! You did not just say that, '''You did not just say that!!!!''' :'''Ord''': [getting angry] '''I did just say it! I said, I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!''' I'm bossy and annoyed without doing anything and I'm king, and you look annoyed all the time without some help, I've ruined their lives, and I wish I'd never been born! ''[dragon glares in the room.]'' You don't think I'm too bossy, do you? :'''Zak''': '''LIAR!''' We decided not to have the picnic. :'''Wheezie''': I'm afraid you are. Putting together a puzzle isn't fun anymore. :'''Ord''': [mad] I don't want to play puzzles! I'm the bossy king! I'm the king of a moss-covered, three-handled family gredunza! Nobody's gonna leave this treehouse until I wish I'd never been born!! :'''Emmy''': [losing control of her outrage] Go away, King Ord! You lost a moss-covered, three-handled family gredunza if I'm saying bossy to you! If you're way too bossy what word I'm not supposed to say, It's too bossy, I'm disappointed. I am very disappointed.... :'''Ord''': [growling ragingly yells] '''I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEEEEEN BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN!!!!!''' :'''Max''': [angrily screams] '''NAH-UH! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE! I WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE AND QUIT IT!!!!!''' :''[Emmy Slaps His Forehead. Zak Slaps His As Well, Wheezie Hits In His Face. This Challenge Erupted Into A Violence Argument Of Fury Angry Fight With Powers]'' K.D. Lang: [Overlapping while singing] Join Timon and Pumbaa cow! :'''Max''': I'm feeling very angry right now without help, King Ord!!! :'''Ord''': '''SILENCE!!! YOU'D BETTER GET ALL OF THAT HURTFUL THING'S THROUGH YOUR RUDE HEAD!!!!!''' Forget it!! I said, "I wish I'd never been born!!!" I am the boss of the ruler to leave me alone!!! :'''Max''': [sternly] That's it! See if I'll leave you alone!! :''[Bossy King Ord storms to the school and incredibly pissed off at him for all of the hurtful birthday and inside he finds Quetzal wrapping a gift neatly.]'' :'''Ord''': You're just a show-off, Mr. Quetzal! Never, ever mention '''THAT''' name in my presence! '''I AM THE BOSSY *KING*!!!''' :'''Quetzal''': Oh, Yes, Sire, you look bossy, King Ord. I was extraordinarily busy... You’re so cranky. You actually went and did it to illustrate the differences in your royal managerial approaches. :'''Ord''': [coldly] Not the others seem to think they're waste time. ''[without notices the gift.]'' [angrily] I'm the boss. I scolded at her, Because she broke the rules! I'm king of the birthday parties! :'''Quetzal''': Temper! Temper! Your Majesty, please... I don't like to complain, But A very good friend of mine, We didn't see any rules. :''[Ord goes back to being angrily glare.]'' :'''Quetzal''': What’s the matter? I know you're angry about your birthday without friends and you're refuse to be gone. What’s wrong? :'''Ord''': [raging furiously blows up, screams in frustration, angrily yells with sobbing] This is the stupidest time to me a favor and the "worstest" rule, I'm the king of the panic! I'm the frustrated king! I'm the bossy king because I'm the king of my birthday, and I'm the king of special day, but my friends must not like me anymore because they don't want to play with 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void IF - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy! And Cassie didn't invite me to her picnic, and then everyone's beginning to believe I'll never see my "et cetera, et cetera... "Fax mentis, incendium gloria cultum," et cetera, et cetera... "Memo bis punitor delicatum!!" It's out of the control without decided to make a puzzle instead of a picnic! I am the king! I can do whatever I could even push one piece together, they '''STOMPED''' on the floor, which now has to be pushed me away, because I'm the king of my birthday! And I'm the king of a grouchy girl sometimes... I'm the bossy king, and think I'm king! they're gonna mess it up for my birthday and it's all your fault, and then before I will be able to our army, would still be alive, it's your fault she's mad!! And now I don't have a happy birthday without looking hard enough to see some stupid royal birthday, and I wish I'd never been born!!! [walks off in a huff] :'''Quetzal''': Oh..., Outrageous! I know you've already just feeling very angry, Ord, yelled by a grouchy girl, It's not your fault and we say something very special to each other. :'''Ord''': [he ragefully stomps, firmly fuming] Why bother? I'm king of stupid to understand anyway! I hadn't shown up even dragons celebrate my birthday in the first place, maybe I don't have to worry everything that was important to me! There's nothing, no, NOTHING, that's grouchy than me, and I wish I'd never been born!! I said it again! I wish I'd never been B-O-R-N, born! :'''Quetzal''': ''[checks his pocket watch]'' Chill out, Ord! Every year, I know what to do to make you feel better. :'''Ord''': [sarcastically] Aw, forget it! I said it again! I wish I'd never been B-O-R-N, born! I wish I'd never been born! I said, "I wish I'd never been born!!" There, I said it again! '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!''' :'''Quetzal''': [calmly] I know you aren't. So, come with me. :''[Ord and Quetzal go over to the treehouse where the others are watching by the window and all arguing, shouting, and they started kicking and laugh.]'' :'''Ord''': I'm the mad king, I'm the mad king! I'm the really, really, really mad king, Quetzal, I cannot let you put our family if they don't want to play with me! For I am the ruler of all that I see!! :'''Quetzal''': Oh, I see if you are mad. Courage, Ord. Go up there and tell them what you told me. :'''Ord''': Are you sure if I'm not mad?. :'''Quetzal''': Si. :'''Ord''': Okay. I love too. :''[Ord goes up the stairs and he takes one last look toward Quetzal who gives him a nod, before knocking on the door.]'' :'''Cassie''': I’m too busy right now, but we're almost done. :'''Ord''': It's me, King Ord! And I'm too bossy and frustrated 'cause I'm ruler of my birthday but no one wants me around. And I don't want to be your friend anymore! I don't want to be your friend anymore at all! :'''Cassie''': Hey, You're so bossy. :'''Ord''': Yes, you did! You did!!! We're doomed who’s being such a bully!! It's your fault because you were going our separate ways forever. So, this is… This is your dumb the whole day with you doing all kinds of ridiculous straight to stomp to you when I'm bossy!! :'''Cassie''': Okay, Don't be mad. Guess what? You can come in now. :'''Ord''': [anger turns to thrilled to apologizes about being difficult being frivolous things at the wrong time.] Really? I just wanted to apologize because sometimes I was me too bossy. :'''Emmy''': Aww, that's okay, You can knock gently on the door but don't banging and pounding hard. Go ahead, Ord. :'''Ord''': Oh, Sure. :''[Ord throws the royal crown and the royal cape away, Knocking gently, opens the door and is surprised with excitement.]'' :'''All:''' '''SSUURRPPRIIISSSEE!!!''' ''[everyone claps and cheers, celebrates happily and laughing]'' '''HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ORD!''' :'''Ord''': You like me! You really like me! :''[Max runs up to Ord and hugs him]'' :'''Max''': Of course we do, Ord. You're our biggest, bestest friend of all. :'''Emmy''': I’m so glad it’s you. I'm sorry I was just felt so mad when i yelled at you. It's just that... because I just didn't want you to find out and I'll try to not be bossy about the surprise party. :'''Ord''': Wow. Well, I was really surprised! :''[Wheezie lights the candle with her fire breath]'' :'''Wheezie''': Come on, Ord. Make a wish and blow out the candle. :'''Ord''': Okay, here we go! :''[Ord uses wind power to blow it out and everyone applauds]'' :'''Max''': All right, Hooray for you, Ord. :''[All clapping and cheering]'' :'''Emmy''': Good one. :''[Quetzal walks around with a knife in his hand and starts cutting the cake]'' :'''Ord''': ''[with his mouth full]'' Boy! This is the really best birthday I've ever marvelous me! For I am the good ruler of all that I see! [the dragons cheered and dance happily to the music.] :'''Everyone''': '''ALL RIGHT, ZAK AND WHEEZIE! YEAH! ALL RIGHT, ORD!''' [laugh] :'''Max''': That sounded really cool! :'''Cassie''': I love played the maracas... :'''Everyone''': '''YES!''' :'''Emmy''': [laugh and celebrating] '''YEAH! WOO-HOO!''' :'''Max and Emmy''': I Love A Surprise to use this rhyme to go back home until next time. ''[Both then disappear and appear back in the playroom]'' :'''Max''': Oooh! My tummy hurts from eating all that cake. :'''Emmy''': Me too. But it sure is a yummy tummyache. :'''Max''': ''[laughs]'' Yeah. :'''Emmy''': Guess What, Max? We're Not able to Rush for Ord's Surprise Party. We're Good. :'''Max''': Yeah, I will tell my mom. I want a surprise birthday party this year. :'''Emmy''': I Love a Surprise! But if you know it’s a surprise party, it won’t be a surprise. :''[Max thought about that and realized she’s right, cheering.]'' :'''Max''': Hooray for you, Emmy. Mummy! Emmy has something to ask you! :''[Max heads out the door while Emmy just smiles her head, reliefing.]'' ===''Tails You Lose'' [1.4a]=== :'''Wheezie''': OH! They're dragons Zak, not snails! :'''Zak''': Slow music is better for the game! :''[Zak and Wheezie argue over whether the dance must be fast or slow.]'' :'''Wheezie''': '''IS NOT!''' :'''Zak''': '''IS TOO!''' :'''Wheezie''': '''IS NOT!''' :'''Zak''': '''IS TOO!''' :'''Wheezie''': '''IS NOT!''' :'''Zak''': [Growls Loudly And Then He Violently Begins To Shout At Her] '''I DON'T CARE!!!!! DAMN IT, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME IN PEACE????!!!!!!!!!!!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Emmy''': I'm not engaged! And as a matter of fact, the way this particular conversation is going right now, well... I'm fine with out! You don't play fair! I will not stand for what you did, and things are out of control! As of this moment, cause you're all '''GROUNDED!! So you LEAVE ME ALONE!!!''' :'''Cassie''': [angrily screams in frustration] You're bossy, you jerk! You couldn't wait to come back here and brag, you don't want to be part of the game around while you do dumb things like that!! :'''Emmy''': '''I'D HATE YOU, RULES STINK, LOSING STINKS & EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!''' :'''Wheezie''': ''[turns red in anger, furiously growls and angrily comfronts Emmy]'' No! Are you crazy, Emmy? [growls lividly] '''THAT MAKES ME VERY ANGRY,''' since we've finished everything on the list, you’re the one who’s being such a bully! I am the temper drama king! I already filled up this ate it... I have no time for childish bickering with ideas!! Now, I've ruined their lives, and '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!''' :'''Emmy''': '''SHUT UP!!! I AM NEVER, EVER PLAYING FREEZE DANCE AGAIN!!! I AM COMMAND YOU TO CUT IT OUT!!! AND IF YOU KEEP BEING SUCH A JERK I SWEAR THE GOD....I'LL SMASH TO FIRE YOU!!!''' ''[echoes]'' :'''Cassie''': [Fed Up] '''DON'T YOU DARE!!! I'M NEVER GOING TO PLAY WITH YOU AGAIN! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME IN EXPLODE!!!!!?????!!!!!!!!!!!!''' :'''Emmy''': ''[getting very angry; turns red angrily to cutting dragons off]'' '''CAN, YOU, CUT, A, BIG, FAT, STUPID, UGLY, CLUMSY, LUMP, IT, OUT, ALREADY!?! I'D HATE YOU, MAX!!!''' :'''Max''': [Suddenly Snaps And He Launches Into An Rage Outburst] '''YOU KNOW WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' [With A lot Of Rage, Max's Behavior Got Worse] '''I'm losing a temper, so you become a loser!! We're doomed who’s being such a bully!! I'D HATE YOU & EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!''' :'''Emmy''': ''[snaps]'' '''I’M VERY ANGRY!!''' :'''Max''': '''YOU'D BETTER GET ALL OF THAT HURTFUL THING'S THROUGH YOUR RUDE HEAD!!!!''' :'''Emmy''': '''I AM GOING TO FIRE YOU, MAX!!!''' :'''Max''': [angrily scolding] '''I’M NOT SPEAKING TO ME EVER AGAIN! AND I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!''' :'''Emmy''': [growls angrily and screams lividly] '''I SAID, "I AM GOING TO FIRE YOU, MAX!!!"''' :'''Max''': '''QUIET!!''' :'''Emmy''': '''You just shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, and I'm fed up of telling dragons to go away!!''' :'''Max''': '''OH NO YOU'RE NOT!''' :'''Emmy''': '''IF YOU KEEP BEING SUCH A JERK I SWEAR THE GOD....I'LL SMASH YOUR...-''' :'''Ord''': [turns red with angriest and screams at Emmy] '''OH REALLY, EMMY, ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!''' :'''Emmy''': '''THAT FREEZE GAME IS STUPID ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!''' :'''Ord''': ''What in the world is going on if you yelled at him?! I've shouting at you and it’s your dumb the whole day with you doing all kinds of ridiculous things because you were supposed to stopped this instant!!! YOU ARE FIRED!!!'' :'''Wheezie''': [scowls] '''GRRRAAAARRGHHHHHH!!!!!! SSSSSTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPP IIIIIIITTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' :'''Zak''': [angered as throws tantrum] '''STOP YELLING!!!!!''' You, just a show-off, You did not finish this game!!! I’ve had quite enough is enough of your excuses whatever I warning about the new game, bossy girl!!! (And you might already did! In fact, I’m done with you without the next round!! I told you I'm '''NOT''' spending it with you and you're not listening, because, '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!''') :'''Emmy''': [lividly shouting of his rage and scolds at dragons] '''STOP IT!!! YOU'RE GONNA HURT YOURSELF!!! FREEZE DANCE IS COMPLETE AND TOTAL OUTRAGE ALWAYS FIGHT TO COMMAND IS, YOU, ARE, FIRED!!!!!!''' :'''Max''': ''[Suddenly Snaps And He Launches Into An Rage Outburst In Anger, Furiously Growls And Angrily Strikes Out At Emmy, Gets Snapping And Loudly Ticked Off]'' ''' I'M ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!! I'D HATE YOU & EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! YOU MAKES ME VERY VERY ANGRY, YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ''' :'''Emmy''': [angry] '''SHUT THE FUCK UP!''' :'''Max''': '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!''' :'''Emmy''': [lividly bellowing] '''STOP IT!!!!''' :'''Max''': '''I'M ANGRY!! ''' :'''Emmy''': '''YOU ARE FIRED!!!''' :'''Max''': '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!''' :'''Emmy''': [thunders angrily] '''DON'T YOU DARE!!!''' :'''Max''': [becoming louder angrily] '''I'M A BULLY TO COMMAND TO FIRE YOU!!!''' :'''Emmy''': [gets angrier] '''YOU, ARE, FIRED AND THAT’S FINAL, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!!!!''' :'''Max''': [enraged with high pitched, savagely yells loudly] '''I'M NOT GONNA SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN FOR AS LONG AS I FIRE YOU!!!!!!!''' ''[echoes]'' :'''Emmy''': [angry roars] '''STOP!!!''' :'''Max''': [gets angrier and furious bellow] '''ZIP IT!!!''' :'''Emmy''': [bellows angrily] '''SHUT UP!!!''' :'''Max''': [screaming very loudly; echoing] '''I'M REALLY ANGRY, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!''' :'''Emmy''': '''I'LL SMASH YOUR A, BIG, FAT, STUPID, UGLY, CLUMSY, ANGRY!!!!!''' :'''Max''': [yelling] '''I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME IN FIRED!?!?!?!?!''' :'''Emmy''': '''THAT'S IT!!! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE!!!''' :'''Max''': [throws a tantrum, warning yells] '''I SAID "GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME IN FIRED"!!!''' :'''Emmy''': '''I AM ANGRY AND DISAPPOINTED, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!''' :'''Max''': [Yells Back At Emmy] '''YOU'RE GROUNDED, EMMY!!!''' :'''Emmy''': [whines, turns red with angriest and enraged with high-pitched, savagely screams] '''LIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRR!!! I AM NOT GONNA SPEAK ANY MORE!!! I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN!!!!!''' :'''Max''': [furiously scolds] '''YOU ARE GROUNDED, YOUNG EMMY! GET OUUUUUUUUTTT!''' :'''Emmy''': [Becoming Very Angry] '''I’M ANGRY WHEN YOU YELLED AT ME!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! YOU'D BETTER GET ALL OF THAT HURTFUL THING'S THROUGH YOUR RUDE HEAD, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!''' :'''Max''': [gets angrier screams loudly then scowls] '''GRRR...I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' :'''Emmy''': [enraged with angriest screams, freaking out] '''GRRR!!! I'LL SMASHING THE WHALE PUPPET WHEN I'M GOING HOME!!! IF YOU LEAVE DRAGONS ALONE, I WISH I HAD SUCH A JERK I SWEAR THE GOD....I'LL SMASH YOUR SERIOUS RIGHT NOW!!!''' ''[She throws a furious fist and incredibly pissed off at him for all of the hurtful things she frustratingly stomping the ground repeatedly with storms angrily get blown away; sees in a blind heated outbursts, raging argument, temper tantrum.]'' :'''Emmy''': ''[angrily satisfied, then sputters her head in irritating "wrapping up" threateningly makes Max and the dragons argue at each other leads them into a full blown fight in anger]'' I hate, I hate, to fed up this rhyme just go home to bed, because it's mine! (echoes) :''[Emmy storms off violently and exits Dragon Land without Max, very pissed]'' :'''Max''': [growls angrily] I'm Really Hate You, Em! I'm very angry with you, dragons!! This is your last warning! You're grounded for complete disaster when enough is enough, I've ruined their lives, and I wish I'd never been born! '''I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE AS LONG AS I LIVE, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!!''' [the dragons scowls into silence as he storms off to the school and inside he finds Quetzal who felt shocked to Max] :'''Quetzal''': Hoh-woah, That's the worst case about the unpleasant game. Huh, Max? :'''Max''': [Being serious by grunts in frustration with a huff] '''PHOOEY ON FIGHTING!!!''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Back in the playroom, Emmy’s angrier starts her anger sulking in sadness and bursts into tears, sobbing like giving up and shakes her fist in rages out of series ideas, which get more tense by flinches lividly her whale puppet, violently stomps on the "Mr. Whale".]'' :'''Emmy''': [angrily yells sobbing louder] I am braggy and bossy, Mr. Whale! You're mad at me! I'm disappointed to you!! ''[then as her whale puppet]'' "'''NOT FAIR!! I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!! IN FACT, A WORST, HORRIBLE AND TOTAL OUTRAGE GAMES, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!''' I'm all out of '''MONEY FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN, WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!''' I'm ruined! I'm done! I'm lost everything of their lives, and I wish I'd never been born!! It will be ripped up, I said it again! I wish I'd never been B-O-R-N, born, Emmy!! You losing something and I wish I'd never been born again!!!" ''[then as she shoves her whale puppet, she makes despair voice, firmly inhales]'' You did not just say that, you did not just say that, I don't like you! You're grounded for have upset on purpose…it was only an such clumsiness accident! [she hands a tissue to blowing her nose to calming down as normal voice] Really? I've had quite enough of this foolish fighting about lose at that. I’m really sorry. Why, It's not your fault. I'm very sorry for stomping on it, Mr. Whale. What a horrid dragon friends playing Freeze Dance. ''[then as her whale puppet, sniffs]'' "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I know you, ord and zak are upset about what happened, and I know Ord and Zak was upset about Emmy's temper, but I think we can get a different game. Listen. I'm sorry I ignored you when you've angry at the house. Take a deep breath and put it back together again in time." ''[then back to her normal voice]'' You really think so? ''[Mr. Whale agrees. she took a deep breath and sighs with tearfully to forgiveness smiled]'' I'm sorry I couldn't look like they're have fun. It's gonna be okay... you're gonna see more fun than me anyway… I'm very sorry to disturb you too much but I should go back, just to make sure Max is alright. (Emmy hands Mr. Whale a tissue and the puppet blows nose) Thank you for listening... because I just didn't want you to find out and I'll try to not be bossy, Mr. Whale. ''[Emmy finally calms down by comforting her puppet hug and takes out the dragon scale, smiley]'' OK, here we go. "I wish, I wish, with all my heart ''to fly with dragons'' in a land apart." [This time, the dragons on the wall come to life and circle around her flying faster and faster until she arrive back to the DragonLand and start searching for Angry Max.] ===''Calling Dr. Zak'' [1.4b]=== :'''Emmy''': It's in here somewhere. Got it! :'''Max''': And I got my guitar. ''[imitates guitar]'' :'''Emmy''': Stop fooling around, Max. We have to get to Dragon Land. :'''Kids''': I wish, I wish with all my heart to fly with dragons in a land apart. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Booboogone''': Now, Zak, squeeze! :''[Zak shuts his eyes and squeezes Wheezie's hand as the thorn is removed]'' :'''Zak''': I'm squeezing as hard as I can! I'm still squeezing! When are you going to take the thorn out? :'''Dr. Booboogone''': I already have, Zak. :'''Zak''': ''[shocked]'' Huh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kids''': I wish, I wish to use this rhyme to go back home until next time. :'''Emmy''': I knew Zak and Wheezie were gonna win the dance contest. :'''Max''': They were great. :'''Mom''': ''Max! Emmy!'' :'''Emmy''': What is it, Mom? :'''Mom''': ''I made a doctor's appointment for you both tomorrow. It's time for your checkups.'' :''[Despite a "doctor's appointment" announcement --made by their mother-- Max and Emmy do not mind.]'' :'''Max''': Let's play doctor, Emmy. :'''Emmy''': Okay. ===''Pigment of Your Imagination'' [1.5a]=== :'''Max''': Dandelions. :'''Emmy''': Max, no! ''[Emmy shook his head]'' :'''Ord''': Anything! :[''couching, music playing'' and ''painting cans chatting''] :''[Before going back to the playroom.]'' :'''Kids''': I wish, I wish, to use this rhyme, to go back home until next time. ===''Zak's Song'' [1.5b]=== :'''Wheezie''': But Do-Re-Mi's are wild birds, they like wild music, i'll show ya...! :'''Zak''': ''[putting it in its place]'' No, Wheezie! This time i'm gonna try it my way. ''[he removes the beak of bird and keep going playing the melody in front of the Do-Re-Mi's]'' :'''Wheezie''': It's not working see, I knew... :'''Max''': Look! ===''Snow Dragons'' [1.6a]=== :''' ===''The Fury is Out on This One'' [1.6b]=== :''' ===''The Giant of Nod'' [1.7a]=== :'''Wheezie''': I don't believe it, he didn't even yawn. ===''The Big Sleepover'' [1.7b]=== :''[Emmy goes over to Cassie's house and knocks on the door; Cassie comes out to bedroom window.]'' :'''Cassie''': Emmy! What are you doing here? :'''Emmy''': What are you doing here? Aren't you coming to Zak and Wheezie's sleepover? :'''Cassie''': Oh, I don't know. ''[Emmy climbs up to her window through the ivy of the facade and Cassie gasps]'' :'''Emmy''': Come on, Cassie. You'll have fun! Big time! :'''Cassie''': I know. But I've never slept away from my mummy and daddy before! Ever! Not even one whole time! :'''Emmy''': Well, what if you brought something to remind you of home? :'''Cassie''': Like what? :'''Emmy''': On my first sleepover, I brought Lupita. She's my favorite doll. :'''Cassie''': Oh! Maybe I could bring... ''[leaves and comes back with a pile of books]'' Some of my favorite books! ''[catches the top book as it falls off]'' :'''Emmy''': How about just one? :'''Cassie''': Oh, I could never pick just one. Wait, I've got another idea! ''[puts the books away and returns with a pile of pillows]'' How about my favorite pillows? ''[Emmy shakes her head]'' Still too much? :'''Emmy''': Definitely! :'''Cassie''': Oh. I know! ''[puts the pillows away and takes out a photo of her with her parents and two of her siblings]'' I'll take this picture of my mummy and daddy and all my brothers and sisters! ''[unfolds it to reveal more pictures that tile out the window down the wall]'' :'''Emmy''': All seventy-four of them? That'll work. Come on, you can do it! :'''Cassie''': Okay, I'll try. :'''Emmy''': Yes! :''[Changes to the knuckerhole later that night; the sleepover is on! Laughter and cheering rings out from Zak and Wheezie's bedroom as Emmy, Max, Ord, and Cassie jump in the bed while Zak looks at his alarm clock and Wheezie play his drum.]'' <hr width="90%"/> :'''Zak''': Now, can we '''PLEASE''' get ready for bed?! ''["PLEASE" is mistakenly heard as "police"]'' :'''Zak and Wheezie's dad''': Everything really funtastic and wild in there for you kiddos? :'''Wheezie''': '''FUNTASTIC, DADDY! GOOF-BALL-O-RAMA!''' :'''Zak and Wheezie's mom''': ''[as Cassie hesitates and takes out a photo of her family]'' Now if you need anything, dear, remember, we're right down the hall. Just a holler away. A few small steps. :'''Zak''': Thanks, mummy. :'''Emmy''': What's the matter, Cassie? :'''Cassie''': I miss my daddy and mummy. :'''Wheezie''': Why don't you call them? :'''Cassie''': Can I? :'''Wheezie''': Sure! :''[Changes to a ceiling phone horn; Wheezie gets it down for Cassie to use.]'' :'''Wheezie''': Talk away! :'''Cassie''': Hi, this is Cassie. Can you connect me to my mummy and daddy? :'''Cassie's dad''': Hello? Cassie? Is that you? :'''Cassie''': Hi, Father. :'''Cassie's dad''': Are you having fun? :'''Max''': ''[comes past still spinning]'' Wheeeeeeeee!!! :'''Cassie''': Sort of. I just wondered if you and Mummy miss me. I mean, I could come home if you want. :'''Cassie's dad''': Of course we miss you, honey, but why don't you try and stay a little longer and have fun with your friends? :'''Cassie''': Okay, I'll try. :'''Cassie's dad''': Bye, sweetie. :'''Cassie''':: Bye, Father. :''[The call ends and the phone retracts.]'' <hr width="90%"/> :''[Ord makes shadow puppets]'' :'''Max''': Wow! That's cool! Let me try! ''[makes a simplistic shadow puppet]'' :'''Zak''': What is that? :'''Max''': A rock. :'''Zak and Wheezie's dad''': Okay, kiddos! Five minutes until beddy-bye time! :'''Zak''': ''[excitedly]'' '''BEDDY-BYE TIME?! BEDDY-BYE TIME?! YES!''' :'''Wheezie''': [dismayed] Oh, Zaky... ===''A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words'' [1.8a]=== :''[The Doodle Fairy has drawn a picture to communicate with them]'' :'''Max''': It's a hairy bug! :''[The Doodle Fairy shakes her head]'' :'''Zak''': This is too hard! I'll quit. :'''Ord''': We can't give up! Please! :'''Zak''': OK, if you insist... ===''The Talent Pool'' [1.8b]=== :'''Cassie''': I know. I can't help it. :'''Emmy''': I have an idea, Cassie. :'''Cassie''': Can I try? ''[giggles]'' I'm doing it. :'''Emmy''': That's it. :'''Max''': Way to go, Cassie! :'''Ord''': ''Yay, Cassie!'' :'''Cassie''': ''[notices sound]'' Sorry, Zak. Here. I'll fix your boo-boo. :'''Zak''': ''[sighs]'' Thanks for helping me fell better, Cassie. :'''Cassie''': Yeah, but, I can't do anything special for the talent show. :'''Ord''': Don't give up, Cassie. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cassie''': I don't know what to do, Quetzal. I tried and tried, but, I ''can't'' think of anything special I can do. :'''Quetzal''': Why don't we look in the Big Story Book? ===''Emmy's Dreamhouse'' [1.9a]=== :'''Zak''': Emmy, how do you like the steps Wheezie and I made? :'''Wheezie''': We've even thought of a secret musical password. ''[plays "Shave and a Haircut" on the steps, with Zak's triangle making up the final two notes.]'' Love it! :'''Emmy''': It's great. But red steps would go better with the rest of the treehouse, don't you think? ''[pours a can of red paint all over the stairs and some of it gets on Wheezie's foot]'' :'''Wheezie''': ''[angrylid]'' No! You said we could have... :'''Zak''': Whatever we want and... :'''Wheezie''': We want black and white! :'''Emmy''': Oops. Sorry. I guess I forgot to ask again, didn't I? :''[Zak and Wheezie are angry as Emmy enters the treehouse where everyone is setting up their things. Cassie is setting up her bookshelf.]'' :'''Cassie''': Let's see. Where should I put my picture book on flying? Right there. ''[the book flies into place]'' How do you like my new bookshelf, Emmy? :'''Emmy''': It looks nice, Cassie. It would look better with these flowers on it. [takes out a flowerpot with flowers in it] :'''Cassie''': But those are your flowers! :'''Emmy''': Yeah. :'''Cassie''': And they're too tall! :'''Emmy''': I know. ''[takes all of Cassie's books off the shelf and lowers the middle shelf to the bottom. She then puts the books cover side down with two stacked up in the middle and puts the flowerpot on top of them.]'' :'''Emmy''': Perfect! :'''Cassie''': But... my books! ''[starts laughing and grows]'' :'''Emmy''': Oh, Cassie, I'm sorry I made you feel mad! ''[Cassie runs off]'' I can't believe I forgot to ask what she wanted. :'''Max''': Emmy, take a look through my telescope! :''[Ord is getting his toy chest set up and Max has put his telescope near the window]'' :'''Max''': You can see the Stickleback Mountains. :'''Ord''': And check out my... my... ''[grunts trying to close it but can't]'' ...toy drawer. Neat, huh? :'''Emmy''': Yeah! And this is a great spot for our play rug. :''[She unfolds the rug doing fall Max's telescope and covers the toy chest a bit at the corner]'' :'''Emmy''': We'll only have to move your stuff a little bit, okay? :'''Ord''': I guess. :''[Emmy pushes the toy chest off the rug into the wall and moves the telescope to the opposite side.]'' :'''Emmy''': That's better. :'''Max''': No, it isn't! You didn’t leave room for my telescope! :'''Ord''': And I can’t play with my toy drawer in the corner because there’s not enough room! :'''Cassie''': ''[aggravated]'' And you made my bookshelf the way you wanted it! :'''Wheezie''': And Zaky and I didn’t like how you repainted our steps! :'''Zak''': Or our toenails! ''[Wheezie shows the paint on her foot]'' :'''Wheezie''': ''[wryly]'' Actually, I thought the toenails were kinda pretty. :'''Max''': ''[carrying his telescope]'' You’re not being nice, Emmy! :'''Wheezie''': Come on, everyone! Let’s go build our own treehouse! :'''Zak''': The way we want it! :''[Everyone less Emmy leaves very annoying]'' :'''Emmy''': ''[also angry]'' I was just trying to make the treehouse better, that's all! :''[They all leave indignant with their stuff and Zak and Wheezie takes the staircase leaving Emmy in the treehouse]'' :'''Emmy''': Have it your way! I'll just build my own treehouse! ''[so she tries to build a ladder herself but it breaks]'' Oh, this is no fun. Isn't it? :'''Sid Sycamore''': Hey, maybe a tree joke will cheer you up! Why did the tree cross the road? Give up? He had to "leaf!" Get it? Tree? Leaf? Ha ha! Wocka Wocka! [He laughs, and leaves fall out; Emmy does not answer.] So, friend troubles, huh? :'''Emmy''': Yeah. They're mad. I didn't let them do what they wanted. :'''Sid Sycamore''': Well, if you choose all the colors and decide where everything should go, what's left for your friends to do? :'''Emmy''': They can, uh... Not much, I guess. Maybe I'd better help them put things back the way they wanted? :'''Sid Sycamore''': Hey, now you're barkin' up the right tree! Wocka Wocka! :''[Rumbling is heard and the purple goo clouds are coming closer]'' :'''Sid Sycamore''': Hey, you better hurry. The purple goo clouds are almost here! :''[Emmy runs off and the others are at the other side of the forest carrying their things when she them catches up]'' :'''Emmy''': Wait up! ''[they stop, she sighs and asks for forgiveness, with the purpose of amendment]'' I guess I wasn't very good at listening and letting you do what you wanted. It's just that I get really excited about my own ideas. But it's no fun building a treehouse without my friends. Can we finish it together? Please? :'''Ord''': Sure! :'''Wheezie''': Of course! :'''Max''': Let's do it! :'''Emmy''': Come on, Cassie. We can fix your bookshelf just the way you wanted. And, Max, where do you want that telescope? :''[Much later, the treehouse is being finished the way everyone wants it. Max and Ord roll out the rug and Emmy builds the roof. More rumbling as the purple goo clouds come closer and everyone notices.]'' ===''Dragon Sails'' [1.9b]=== ===''Eggs Over Easy'' [1.10a]=== ===''A Liking to Biking'' [1.10b]=== :'''Emmy''': ''[singing]'' Rain, Rain, Go Away. :'''Max''': Heh, and don't come back! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ord''': OH, NO! I'M GONNA FALL! '''AAH!''' :'''Cassie''': Ord, you're a dragon; use your wings. :'''Ord''': Oh, yeah! ''[flies safely back up the cliff]'' I forgot. <hr width="50%"/> :''[last lines]'' :'''Emmy''': Look, Max, the rain stopped. We can go outside now. :'''Max''': Yeah! :'''Emmy''': Watch the door! :'''Max''': ''[crashes and falls]'' I know, I know. Watch where I'm going. :''[both giggle]'' ===''Sky Pirates'' [1.11a]=== ===''Four Little Pigs'' [1.11b]=== :'''Max''': I'm the pig in the straw house! [Max's puppet has a mustache.] ''[imitates pigs oinks]'' :'''Ord''': I'm the pig in the house of sticks. ''[imitates pigs oinks]'' :'''Cassie''': And I'm the smart pig! In the brick house! Oink, oink, oink! :'''Emmy''': And now it's time for the most important puppet of all! :'''Zak''': Yeah! The really big.... :'''Wheezie''': Really bad... :'''Zak, Wheezie and Emmy''': Wolf! ''[imitates wolf's howls until they stop. Zak and Wheezie stare at Emmy. Zak is glaring and Wheezie is confused.]'' :'''Zak''': Huh? :'''Wheezie''': Why'd you make a wolf? :'''Emmy''': 'Cause I'm playing the wolf. :''[Zak and Wheezie growl at Emmy's sock puppet and look at each other and back at Emmy]'' :'''Emmy''': What a cool wolf puppet! Oh, I'm sorry! I wouldn't have made my puppet... ''[takes her wolf puppet off her left hand and tosses it aside and grabs Zak and Wheezie's wolf puppets and puts them on both her hands]'' ...if I knew you were gonna make one for me. Thank you so much! :''[Zak and Wheezie look at each other sad]'' :'''Zak''': Uh, you're welcome. :''[Wheezie gets mad]'' :'''Wheezie''': No, she's not! We made it for us! ''[Wheezie takes back her and Zak's wolf puppets from Emmy and places them on both their hands]'' We want to play the wolf! :'''Emmy''': But I thought you wanted to play the music. :'''Zak''': We always have to play the music! :'''Wheezie''': And this time we want to do something else! :'''Max''': But you play music the best! :'''Zak''': Well, we wanna be the wolf! :'''Wheezie''': Yeah! No wolf... :'''Both''': No, Zak and Wheezie. :'''Cassie''': But if you play the wolf, who will play the music? :''[Emmy hangs her head down]'' :'''Emmy''': I can't play the music by myself. :'''Cassie''': Well, I don't think I can. ''[to Ord with her puppet]'' What about you? :'''Ord''': Oh, no! ''[with his puppet]'' I'm a pig! :'''Emmy''': ''[to Zak and Wheezie]'' You've got to play the music! :'''Max''': You're the best! :'''Ord''': Please! :'''Cassie''': Will you? :''[Zak gets mad]'' :'''Zak''': No! If we can't be the wolf.... :'''Wheezie''': We don't wanna play with you anymore. ''[both Zak and Wheezie nod their heads no, and walk out of the theater. Emmy tries to say something, but the words don't come out. Zak and Wheezie run away angrily. Cassie peeks out calling to them. Next, Emmy, Max and Ord peek out.]'' :'''Cassie''': Zak! :'''Emmy''': Wheezie! :'''Ord''': Wait! :''[Zak and Wheezie jump into their hole. Cassie runs up to the hole. Emmy, Max and Ord follow suit. They peek down the hole. They are now all sad.]'' :'''Cassie''': [sighs] I guess we'll have to do the show without them. :'''Ord''': But we need music, don't we? :'''Emmy''': ''[smiling]'' I have an idea! Come on! :''[The gang goes back to the stage. Zak and Wheezie poke their heads out of their hole and sees the gang walking away. Zak and Wheezie look at each other sadly.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wolf''': I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Max''': I miss Zak and Wheezie... ===''Zak and the Beanstalk'' [1.12a]=== ===''A Feat on Her Feet'' [1.12b]=== :'''Zak''': Slow down! :''[screams]'' :'''Max''': It's Cassie. :'''Ord''': Look out! :''[all screaming]'' :'''Cassie''': Oh, no! ''[crashes]'' :'''Emmy''': Sorry, Cassie. :'''Ord''': Are you okay? :'''Cassie''': I'm fine. But, look, my poor flowers. Oh, you poor things. How I will ever get you to Singing Springs now? :'''Emmy''': Why do you need to take the flowers to Singing Springs, Cassie? :'''Cassie''': Because they're Jingle Flowers. I grow them from seeds. But, now, that they're grow up, I need to plant them at Singing Springs. Cause without the foundation music water they'll lose the Jingle Flowers. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ord''': Nice skating, Cassie! :'''Cassie''': Come on, let's get the jingle flowers plant now! ===''Not Separated at Birth'' [1.13a]=== :''[Zak and Wheezie are in an argument. And they convince themselves that they want to be separated from each other forever.]'' :'''Zak''': ''[to Wheezie]'' '''I WISH I WASN'T STUCK TOGETHER WITH YOU, WHEEZIE!''' :'''Wheezie''': ''[shouts back --and to Zak]'' '''REALLY?! WELL, I DOUBLE WISH IT!''' :'''Zak''': '''THEN I DOUBLE, DOUBLE WISH IT!''' :'''Quetzal''': My, my, niños. You two really wish to be separated from each other? :'''Zak and Wheezie''': ''[in chorus]'' '''YES!''' :'''Quetzal''': Then, so be it if you can. ''[he takes out a pair of pink crystals]'' Here. Take these crystals. ''[they take them]'' Now fly into the air and say: "Alakazoo, split in two." Rub the crystals together and your wish will come true. :'''Wheezie''': Come on, Zak! Let's get flapping! :'''Zak''': ''[annoyed]'' Well, I'm not holding us up... :''[They fly into the air, each holding a crystal]'' :'''Zak and Wheezie''': Alakazoo, split in two! :''[They rub the crystals together and appears a blinding flash of light as Emmy and Max gasp. The flight floats down to them and it clears to reveal Zak and Wheezie now with their own separate bodies.]'' :'''Wheezie''': Loooooove it! :'''Zak''': Two feet, two claws, and two wings? Too good to be true! Ha-ha-ha! :'''Max''': Wow! :'''Emmy''': I don't believe it! :'''Ord''': Did it hurt? :'''Zak''': No, it didn't. :'''Cassie''': How does it feel? :'''Wheezie''': Great! Now I can do anything I want! ''[does some somersaults]'' Whoo! See? Just me. :'''Zak''': Well, look at this... ''[does a handstand]'' A handstand, all by myself! :'''Wheezie''': ''[lands behind him]'' Watch me! ''[does some loops in the air and divebombs down]'' :'''Zak''': Careful, Wheezie! :''[Wheezie does some more tricks in the sky but suddenly she crashes into a tree and everyone gasps. She falls out as Zak and Emmy run over.]'' :'''Emmy''': Are you okay? :'''Wheezie''': Okay?! I'm better than okay! :'''Zak''': Thank goodness. I'll never have to fly too fast again. ''[flies at his own slow pace]'' :'''Wheezie''': ''[yawns]'' Ho hum. :''[Later Wheezie empties out the playground equipment]'' :'''Max''': How are we gonna make all that stuff into a slide? :'''Wheezie''': It's easy. You got Wheezie. Let's go! :'''Max''': Oh, no! I forgot my other tools! :'''Ord''': Here, Max. ''[hands him tools from his pouch]'' You can use my wrench and my screwdriver, my pliers and my saw and... :'''Max''': ''[falls down and laughs]'' Ord, enough! :'''Wheezie''': ''[holding a plank and post]'' Now, which one goes where? ''[bumps the post against the plank]'' :'''Ord''': I don't think they fit, Wheezie. :'''Wheezie''': [hammers the post into the plank, denting it] Ha! They do now. :''[The slide is later fully constructed but poorly]'' :'''Wheezie''': Ta-da! Don't you just looooooooove it?! :'''Ord''': Is it supposed to look like that? :'''Wheezie''': Yeah! Wild and fun! :'''Max''': What's that stuff for? ''[he points to the parts that were never used]'' :'''Wheezie''': Uh... they're just extras. Oh, don't worry. This is gonna be super-duper! ''[she leans against the slide and suddenly it falls apart]'' :'''Wheezie''': Uh-oh. Hm, maybe those weren't extras. Zak would've known how to put it together. Oh, Zaky?! :''[Elsewhere, Zak is helping Emmy and Cassie with the drum trampoline. Wheezie walks up.]'' :'''Wheezie''': We had a teensy little problem. Could you please help us? ''[shows him the broken slide parts]'' :'''Zak''': Hmm... Huh? ''[takes out a blueprint of the slide]'' Wheezie, did you follow the directions? :'''Wheezie''': Ah, who needs those boring things? :'''Ord and Max''': We do! :'''Wheezie''': Okay, okay! Following the directions is Zak's job, but I can do it too! Thanks for the help, Zak. ''[takes it from him]'' Let's see. Where's the thingamajig? :''[Zak is working on the trampolines as Emmy and Cassie pull on the elastic bed]'' :'''Zak''': A little more... Not too tight... Not too loose... :'''Cassie and Emmy''': '''ZAK!!!!''' :'''Zak''': Sorry. Usually Wheezie tells me when we're done. ''[finishes tightening the bolts]'' There. Three perfect drum trampolines. :'''Emmy''': Yes! Now I can show you my famous bottoms-up bounce! ''[she tries to bounce but falls on her back as it dents in]'' Whoa!! :'''Cassie''': That's your big bounce? :'''Emmy''': No way! Zak, the trampoline is saggy! :'''Zak''': I know. This way we can jump nice and slow. :'''Emmy''': Slow?! But we need bouncy! You can't do good flips and knee drops unless it's bouncy! :'''Cassie''': Let me try. ''[she jumps and falls too]'' Whoa!! It's... it's... :'''Both''': Boring... :'''Zak''': I guess Wheezie would've known how to make it fun. Wheezie, can you come here? :''[The others are working on the slide and Wheezie comes over]'' :'''Zak''': What's wrong with our trampolines? :'''Wheezie''': ''[pulls on the still loose ropes]'' You just need to tighten the ropes an extra squeeze, so they'll be extra bouncy. :''[Zak does just that; he tests the trampoline]'' :'''Zak''': Thanks, Wheezie. I knew you'd know what to do. That's bouncy, all right. :'''Cassie''': Okay, Emmy, show us your big bounce! :''[Emmy bounces and flips flawlessly]'' :'''Cassie''': Wow! :'''Emmy''': Come on, you try! :'''Cassie''': ''[bounces on it]'' Whee! He-he-he-he! ''[gets off]'' Hey, Emmy, is there anything else we can do on here besides jump? :'''Emmy''': Well... :'''Ord''': Hey, everybody! Step right up! :'''Max''': The xylophone slide is now ready to go! :''[It is perfectly constructed]'' :'''Wheezie''': Whoo-hoo! See you later, alligators! ''[she slides down cheering and lands hard on the ground]'' :'''Zak''': Wheezie, are you okay? Did you get a boo-boo? Are you bleeding? :'''Wheezie''': It was fun! ...Except for the landing. :'''Ord''': So now we have a great slide. :'''Max''': With an icky landing. What are we going to do? :''[Ord pulls out a sandwich]'' :'''Ord''': Have a snack? :'''Zak''': ''[gets an idea]'' Why don't we put the slide and the trampoline... :'''Wheezie''': Together? :'''Zak''': Exactly! :''[All they move the trampolines in front of the slide]'' :'''Wheezie''': Is this the right spot, Zaky? :'''Zak''': A little over... Just right! :'''Wheezie''': Let's try it. :'''Zak''': You first, Wheezie. :'''Wheezie''': ''[takes her place]'' Look out below!!!!!!! ''[she slides down and bounces across the trampolines coming in for a perfect landing]'' Looooooove it! Zaky, you're up! :'''Zak''': All by myself? Only me? Nobody else? Will you come with me, Wheezie? :'''Wheezie''': Sure. :''[They sit at the top of the slide together]'' :'''Zak''': Ready, Freddy? :'''Wheezie''': Okey-dokey, artichoke-y! :''[They slide and bounce laughing and shouting happily]'' :'''Zak''': That was fun! :''[The others cheer them happy]'' :'''Others''': Let's go!/I wanna try!/Me next!/Don't forget me! :''[Quetzal comes back]'' :'''Quetzal''': Fantástico! You did a great job putting everything together. Is it fun? :'''Wheezie''': It's fun-tastic! But I have an idea that will make it even better. ''[whispers into Zak's ear]'' :'''Zak''': Great idea, Wheezie. :''[They both whisper to Quetzal]'' :'''Max''': What idea? I don't get it. :'''Wheezie''': Quetzal, can we? :'''Zak''': Pretty please, with a fireball on top? :'''Emmy''': Tell me. I wanna know! :'''Quetzal''': ''[gets out the crystals from before]'' I think it's a wonderful idea. :'''Cassie''': What is? :'''Quetzal''': ''[as Zak and Wheezie take the crystals]'' Fly into the air and say: "Alakazoo, stick like glue." Then rub the crystals together. :'''Zak''': Come on, Wheezie! :''[Both they hold hands and fly up]'' :'''Zak and Wheezie''': Alakazoo, stick like glue! :''[They rub the crystals; a blinding flash of light as it comes down and it clears revealing Zak and Wheezie have returned to their original two-headed self.]'' :'''Zak and Wheezie''': Ha-ha, yeah!/We did it! :''[They high five and fly around happily]'' :'''Max''': Now I get it! :'''Cassie''': They're our Zak and Wheezie again! :'''Emmy''': Definitely! ===''A Kite for Quetzal'' [1.13b]=== :'''Max''': I guess we'll just have to go home now. Huh, Emmy? :'''Emmy''': Guess so, Max. ===''Dragon Drop'' [1.14a]=== ===''Cassie Loves a Parade'' [1.14b]=== :'''Cassie''': I really, really wanted to ride on that float. It's not fair. It's just not fair. Whoa! ''[Cassie hits the tree, spider web and the flower!]'' It's just hate today. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ord''': Uh, how are we gonna stop this thing? :'''Emmy''': Easy. You can fly us out of here. :'''Ord''': Oh, yeah. :'''Zak''' and '''Wheezie''': Oh, yeah. :'''Cassie''': Oh, yeah. :'''Cassie''': Yeah. I was sad because I didn't get picked for the book float. ''[giggles]'' And I ended up having fun anyway. :'''Emmy''': Let's go. :'''Quetzal''': Have fun, niños. :'''Kids''': I wish, I wish to use this rhyme to go back home until next time. :'''Emmy''': Hey I never did get my chocolate milkshake. :'''Mom''': ''Emmy? Max? Anyone for ice cream?'' :'''Emmy''': Coming, Mom. :'''Max''': Hey, wait for me. ===''A Cool School'' [1.15a]=== :'''Ord''': Slam dunk... :'''Max''': For Air Ord-an! ===''Max's Comic Adventure'' [1.15b]=== ===''It Happened One Nightmare'' [1.16a]=== ===''Staying Within the Lines'' [1.16b]=== :''[The next scene shows Dragon Land not in color and it's all white and monochrome.]'' :'''Ord''': Max! Emmy! I'm so glad you got here. :'''Max''': Hey, where's our hug, Ord? :'''Ord''': Not now, Max. We got work to do. :'''Quetzal''': Hola, niños! :'''Emmy''': Hola, Quetzal! :'''Max''': Hi! :'''Quetzal''': We all have something very important to do. Look over there. :'''Emmy''': What happen to all the color? :'''Cassie''': It got washed away by a big rain storm. :'''Ord''': Even our school. :'''Quetzal''': Si, that's why I brought these. You all go to the Stickleback Mountains. I'll color in the School in the Sky, you can help color in the rest. :'''Emmy''': But you can't color in a real mountain. :'''Quetzal''': In Dragon Land, you can! :'''Max''': I love to color. This is gonna be fun! :'''Ord''': Come on, everyone! Let's go! :'''Quetzal''': But be careful, niños! There's a giant sleeping in the Stickleback Mountains and if he's awaken, he can be quite grumpy! :'''Max''': Wow! It looks like a giant coloring book! :'''Emmy''': Yeah! Before it's been colored! :''[Ord and Cassie landed, Max and Emmy got off of their backs. They see the Knuckerhole, hear Zak and Wheezie's voice and see them pop out of the Knuckerhole in the air.]'' :'''Emmy''': Zak! Wheezie! :''[Zak and Wheezie land on the ground]'' :'''Wheezie''': We came as soon as we got Quetzal's message! :'''Zak''': Wh-what's wrong? :'''Max''': There's no color. :'''Wheezie''': No color? Haaatte it! it looks so... :'''Zak''': Neat and clean? '''LOOOOVE IT!''' ''[laugh]'' Why messing it up by coloring it? :'''The Gang''': ''[annoying]'' '''ZAK!!!''' <hr width="85%"/> :'''Zak''': That leaves a knucker hole for you and me, Wheezie... :'''Wheezie''': ''[filling the brush with paint of various colors]'' Oooooooh, I just love coloring, it's so... so... colorful! :''[They go to the knucker hole with a paintbrush and Wheezie paints it with all the colors of the rainbow]'' :'''Zak''': ''[scolding her]'' Wheezie... Knucker holes are supposed to be brown. :'''Wheezie''': Uh-uh... They're prettier in rainbow... :''[Zak won't let him paint the knucker hole that color and Wheezie throws the paintbrush with paint in his snout, much to his disgust.]'' :'''Wheezie''': ''[laugh]'' You look prettier in rainbow too, Zaky. ===''Follow the Dots'' [1.17a] === <hr width="50%"/> :'''Emmy''': Like Mexican chili pepper. I know. I'll count them in Spanish. ''Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis.'' That's 6. :'''Max''': Look, Ord. Dandelions! :'''Ord''': One, two... three, four, five, six... ( ''groaning '' ) seven. ( ''sneezes'' ) :'''Max''': Bless you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Max''': I found another dot! :'''Ord''': I don't see anything we can count. :'''Max''': I do. ''Stinky-dink bugs!'' ( ''muffled'' ) You write the number this time, because I gotta hold my nose. :'''Ord''': ( ''muffled'' ) Okay, Max. :'''Max''': One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Phew! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kids''': I wish, I wish with all my heart to go back home until next time. :'''Emmy''': Let's do some more connect the dots, Max. :'''Max''': Here's one. :'''Emmy''': I wonder what it's a picture of. :'''Max''': Maybe, a race car, or a dinosaur. Or a... :'''Max and Emmy''': ''Norm The Number Gnome!'' ( ''music song ends'' ) ===''A Smashing Success'' [1.17b]=== :''[After Wheezie blamed Cassie and said it was Cassie who broke her trumpet and after Emmy's lie got her --Cassie-- and Zak in trouble.]'' :'''Cassie''': ''[crying --and to Emmy]'' '''THANKS A LOT, EMMY!''' :''[Cassie cries. That is, after Emmy's lie got her --Cassie-- in trouble when Wheezie pinned the blame on her. Then, Cassie says...!]'' :'''Cassie''': ''[in between tears]'' '''NOW WHEEZIE IS NOT SPEAKING TO ME EVER AGAIN, AND I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING!''' :''[Cassie says that thanks to Emmy, Wheezie is not going to speak to her again. And she didn't do anything. After Cassie accuses Emmy --for making Wheezie blame her-- she resumes crying. When Emmy --so she would not get in trouble with Wheezie for breaking her trumpet-- did not tell Wheezie, who had blamed both Zak and Cassie. So Emmy knew her lie had gotten both Zak and Cassie in such trouble.]'' :'''Max''': We have to tell Quetzal. :'''Emmy''': Max? Wait! ''[Meanwhile, Quetzal was hanging some of the lights up on the shack, when Emmy and Max came up to tell him the situation.]'' :'''Max''': ''[panting]'' Emmy's in BIG trouble, because she wouldn't tell. :'''Quetzal''': Wouldn't tell what, Em? :'''Emmy''': Uh, a story. I mean, I needed to ask you a question, Quetzal, and I, uh... I have to tell you a story to do it. :'''Quetzal''': I see. I think. :'''Emmy''': Well! Uh... There's this little mouse with ribbon in her hair. :'''Quetzal''': ''Sí.'' :'''Emmy''': And she accidentally broke something that belonged to a two-headed turtle. :'''Quetzal''': ''Sí,'' go on. :'''Emmy''': And, well, the Little Mouse didn't know how to tell the Two-Headed Turtle what she did. What should she have done, Quetzal? :'''Quetzal''': Well! If ''I'' were that Little Mouse with a red ribbon on my hair, I would have stood up straight, taken a deep breath, and told ''Wheezie'' that I broke her trumpet. :'''Emmy''': Huh? How did you know?! :'''Max''': I didn't tell him. :'''Quetzal''': It's not important how I knew. What is important is what you are going to do about it. :'''Emmy''': I guess if a friend broke something of mine, I'd want them to tell me. :'''Ord''': Tell you what? ''[He and the others come by.]'' :'''Max''': That she broke it. :'''Cassie''': Who broke it? :'''Max''': The Little Mouse. :'''Zak''': Broke what? :'''Emmy''': Your trumpet. :'''Wheezie''': A little mouse broke my trumpet? :'''Max''': ''[chuckles]'' :'''Emmy''': OK, I'm just going to do it. ''[draws deep breath]'' I broke your trumpet, Wheezie! I thought you'd be mad at me so I hid it. Then, I tried to fix it, but that only made it worse, so I asked Cassie to tell you, and, well, that didn't help either. :'''Wheezie''': You should've just told me, Emmy, and then I wouldn't have made Zak or Cassie feel bad. ''[to Zak and Cassie]'' Sorry. :'''Zak and Cassie''': That's OK, Wheezie. :'''Emmy''': I know I should say I'm sorry. I bet no one wants to be ''my'' friend any more... :'''Cassie''': Of course we do. :'''Emmy''': You do?! ''[Cassie nodded]'' ''[to Wheezie]'' How about you, Wheezie? :'''Wheezie''': I'm pretty glad you told me, Emmy. Of course we're still friends. ''[She and Emmy hug each other.]'' :'''Ord''': We'll just have to play our song another time. :'''Quetzal''': Maybe not, Ord. ''[He sprinkled some of his magic on the trumpet, which gets fixed.]'' :'''Wheezie''': My trumpet! You've fixed it, for real! :'''Emmy''': Thank you, Quetzal. :'''Cassie''': You're the greatest! :'''Zak''': It's almost show time. :'''Ord''': Come on! ----- :'''Max''': Uh, Emmy, I have something to tell you. :'''Emmy''': What's wrong now? :'''Max''': I think I broke your dolly. :'''Emmy''': Oh, that old thing? It's always falling apart. :'''Max''': You mean, it's already broken, and you're not mad at me? :'''Emmy''': Definitely not. :'''Max''': Good, because... Remember your tea set? :'''Emmy''': Max?! ''[giggles]'' ===''Quibbling Siblings'' [1.18a]=== *'''Zak''': '''NO SLEEP, NO BREAKFAST, NO NOTHING! AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, I CANNOT FIND MY MAGNIFYING GLASS!''' *''[By that saying of Zak, Zak is not going to speak to Wheezie ever again once he gets back his sleep, breakfast, and magnifying glass.]'' <hr width="70%"/> *'''Wheezie''': I wonder why Zakie is so mad at me. *'''Emmy''': Well, you made him angry. *'''Wheezie''': ''[in disbelief]'' '''ARE YOU KIDDING?!''' Name one thing that I could possibly do to make him mad. *'''Max''': ''[for first reason]'' You kept him up all night with your banging. *'''Wheezie''': All right! Name two things that I could have done. *'''Emmy''': ''[for second reason]'' You ruined his breakfast. *'''Max''': ''[also for second reason]'' And you took his magnifying glass. *'''Wheezie''': You think that is why Zak is so made at me? *''[Zak takes off his alone cone.]'' *'''Zak''': ''[in a sing-songy voice]'' '''♪ I CAN'T HEAR YOU!♪ ''' *''[He gets angry.]'' *'''Zak''': '''BUT YES!''' *''[He puts the cone back on his head and resumes hiding in it.]'' ===''Wheezie's Hairball'' [1.18b]=== ===''A Tall Tale'' [1.19a]=== ===''Stormy Weather'' [1.19b]=== :'''Max''': Super Max Isn't Afraid Of You Know What? :'''Emmy''': Definitley! ===''Blowin' in the Wind'' [1.20a]=== ===''No Hitter'' [1.20b]=== :"'Max"': I Didn't Mean to make Emmy Sick. ===''Do Not Pass Gnome'' [1.21a]=== ===''Treasure Hunt'' [1.21b]=== ===''The Jumping Bean Express'' [1.22a]=== ===''Get Offa My Cloud'' [1.22b]=== ===''Backwards to Forwards'' [1.23a]=== ===''Sounds Like Trouble'' [1.23b]=== ===''The Greatest Show in Dragon Land'' [1.24a]=== ===''Prepare According to Instructions'' [1.24b]=== ===''Wheezie's Last Laugh'' [1.25a]=== :'''Zak''': ''[to Mr. Pop]'' Mr. Pop? I have a great sound for you! :''[Zak takes away Mr. Pop's laugh.]'' :'''Mr. Pop''': Really? A very funny one? :''[After Zak and Wheezie stole Mr. Pop's laugh, they replace it with a donkey sound. The donkey sound --which Mr. Pop had stole-- must have came from a donkey. And he --Mr. Pop-- had replaced the donkey bray on the donkey with a different animal sound.]'' :'''Mr. Pop''': ''[Insert donkey brays here]''! '''MY LAUGH!''' ''[Insert donkey brays here]''! :'''Wheezie''': Now you know how it feels to lose your favorite ''[imitates laugh]''! :''[The incident makes Mr. Pop feel how Wheezie felt when he took away her laugh. First, he switched the sounds of all the farm animals. He made the cow sound like a frog, the rooster sound like a cow, and the frog sound like a rooster. And now, he took away Wheezie's laugh too. In the meantime, Mr. Pop says...!]'' :'''Mr. Pop''': ''[in between donkey brays]'' I sure do! And it feels awful! :''[After Mr. Pop says this, he resumes donkey brays.]'' :'''Zak''': ''[to Mr. Pop]'' I will give you your laugh back, if you give my sister her laugh back. :'''Mr. Pop''': ''[in between donkey brays]'' Okay. You win. ===''Frog Prints'' [1.25b]=== ===''Crash Landings'' [1.26a]=== ===''The Big Cake Mix-up'' [1.26b]=== :'''Zak''': Wait! Something’s not right. ''[looks over the stuff on the table]'' Hmmm, I know. The bowl is going to be too small, and everything’s gonna spill and make a big mess! :'''Cassie''': Maybe there’s a bigger bowl in the cupboard. :'''Zak''': Good idea. <hr width="82%"/> :'''Wheezie''': Perfect! It's time to bake it! :'''Zak''': Oh, no! We can't! :'''Max''': Why not? :'''Zak''': 'Cause we're not allowed to use the oven without Mom... ''["Mom" is mistakenly heard as "Bob"]'' :'''Wheezie''': I can fix that... '''Mom???'' <hr width="82%"/> :'''Mom''': ''Max, Emmy!'' :'''Emmy''': Uh-oh. :'''Max''': What? :'''Emmy''': I think. There's something we didn't plan too well. :'''Max''': What? :'''Mom''': ''Dinnertime!'' :'''Both''': Aw... ===''Quetzal's Magic Pop-Up Book'' [1.27a]=== ===''My Way or Snow Way'' [1.27b]=== ===''Sand Castle Hassle'' [1.28a]=== :'''Zak''': They're coming! :'''Ord''': The turtle dragons? :'''Zak''': No, the waves! ===''True Blue Friend'' [1.28b]=== :'''Max''': Then, follow me to Dragon Land. ===''Zak Takes a Dive'' [1.29a]=== :'''Quetzal''': Ord Por favor leave some water for the lake for the others :''[Ord Smiles]'' :'''Max''' Come on let's make a big splash like Ord! :'''Quetzal:''': Don't forget to put on your dragon wings :'''Max:''': Dragon wings Cool <hr width="50%"/> :''[They try to swim but use the wrong arm strokes]'' :'''Wheezie''': Was that better? :'''Zak''': No! We didn't go anywhere. ===''Under the Weather'' [1.29b]=== ===''My Emmy or Bust'' [1.30a]=== :''[Max hears Emmy close the door.]'' :'''Max''': Oh, no! Huh? :''[Emmy goes into the car --to go shopping at the grocery store with their dad-- unaware of the dragons calling.]'' :'''Max''': '''EMMY...!? YOU GOT TO COME BACK!''' ''[echoes]'' Where did you go? :''[The car drives away. Mom --Emmy and Max's mother-- comes out of her bedroom. And she asks Max...!]'' :'''Mom''': ''[from in the hall --and offscreen]'' Max? Did you call me? :''[But their mom is unaware that Emmy was going grocery shopping with their dad. And Max was left behind --that is, to go to Dragon Land without Emmy. What is more, Emmy --on the other hand-- is going shopping with their dad. That is, even though she was supposed to go to Dragon Land with Max.]'' :'''Max''': ''[calls back]'' No, Mom! :''[Mom --Max and Emmy's mother-- leaves, blissfully unaware. Max turns back to himself. And he says...!]'' :'''Max''': The dragons are calling! I just don't want to go without Emmy. But you have no idea... '''WHAT IF THEY NEED ME!?''' :''[Max takes out the dragon scale. And he says the rhyme.]'' :'''Max''': ''[with the dragon scale]'' ''I wish, I wish,'' :''with all my heart,'' :''To fly with dragons in a land apart.'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the end.]'' :'''Emmy''': ''[as she gets back home from the supermarket with their dad]'' You should have come, Max! Dad gave me a quarter so I could ride on the big blue dinosaur which was in front of the store. :'''Max''': That is nothing. Because I went to Dragon Land by myself. ''[he tells Emmy about his adventure without her]'' I was captain of a submarine. And I was searching for a missing sea dragon. :'''Emmy''': Oh, Max! Am I glad to see you! :''[Emmy talks to Max about the dinosaur at the supermarket. Their dad had given Emmy a quarter and Emmy she got to ride the dinosaur in front of the supermarket.]'' :'''Emmy''': Just because I got to ride the dinosaur (at the supermarket), you do not need to make up a story. ===''Light My Firebreath'' [1.30b]=== :'''Emmy''': Ready. :'''Max''': Here goes. :''[bubbling]'' :'''Emmy''': Let me try. ''[blows]'' :'''Max''': Blow harder. :'''Emmy''': Ew. ''[laughs]'' Okay, enough volcanoes. Let's go to Dragon Land. :'''Max''': Good idea. :'''Kids''': I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart. ===''Follow the Leader'' [1.31a]=== ===''Max and the Magic Carpet'' [1.31b]=== ===''Rope Trick'' [1.32a]=== ===''Baby Troubles'' [1.32b]=== ===''Small Time'' [1.33a]=== :'''Ord''': That's weird. You wouldn't think they'd only send her backpack. ''[holds up Emmy's backpack]'' :'''Zak''': Huh? How come Emmy's backpack is here? :'''Wheezie''': And Emmy isn't? :'''Cassie''': Where'd you find that, Ord? :'''Ord''': Right beside these flowers. :'''Cassie''': Careful, Ord, those are shrinking violets. When they bloom, they shrink anything they touch! :'''Ord''': ''[pulling his finger away]'' Oh! :'''Wheezie''': Hey, what's this? ''[picks up the shrunken kickball]'' I found a marble that looks like a dragon ball. :'''Cassie''': Say, that looks just like Emmy's kickball. It must've shrunk. ''[gasps]'' What if Max and Emmy touched the Shrinking Violets? :'''Zak''': Well, then they'd shrink down to teeny, tiny... Oh, No! They shrunk! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Max''': Monster caterpoozle! :'''Emmy''': It's just a regular caterpoozle. :'''Max''': We're tiny! ===''Roller Coaster Dragon'' [1.33b]=== :'''Wheezie''': I want to ride the roller coaster dragon so bad I can taste it! :'''Ord''': Really? What does it taste like? :'''Cassie''': Ha ha ha! It's just an expression, Ord! :'''Ord''': Oh. What's an expression taste like? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wheezie''': Hurry up! We have to get our snacks and get back in line before the roller coaster comes back! :'''Server Dragon''': Do I look an octopus, kid? I only have six arms! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mom''': ''Max! Emmy! I'm going to the store to get dinner and ice cream. Be back in 15 minutes!'' :'''Kids''': Ice cream!?! :'''Max''': Only 15 minutes? I can wait that long, easy! :'''Emmy''': Me, too. Let's draw. :''[They sit down and draw pictures]'' :'''Max''': I drew a circle. Your turn. :'''Emmy''': ''There's a triangle.'' :''[Suddenly they realize what they drew]'' :'''Max''': Oh, no! It looks like an ice cream cone! :'''Kids''': MOM! :''[They realize they have to wait as the view goes black]'' ===''Up, Up and Away'' [1.34a]=== :'''All''': Good. Whoa! ''[all screaming]'' ===''Wild Time'' [1.34b]=== ===''Bad Share Day'' [1.35a]=== :''[Emmy finds a keyboard in the playroom and starts playing a song on it. She sings [[w:Three Blind Mice|Three Blind Mice]]. That is, as she sings...!]'' :'''Emmy''': ''[singing while playing her toy keyboard]'' ''Three blind mice, three blind mice,'' :''See how they run, see how they run.'' :'''Max''': ''[giggles]'' That's funny! :''[Next Emmy tries another song. It is called [[w:Baa Baa Black Sheep|Baa Baa Black Sheep]]. That is, as she sings...!]'' :'''Emmy''': ''[singing while playing her toy keyboard again]'' ''Baa, baa, black sheep,'' :''Have you any wool?'' :''[Max wants to play the keyboard too. So he says...!]'' :'''Max''': Let me try. :''[Emmy refuses to let Max have a turn. And she says...!]'' :'''Emmy''': ''[angrily]'' '''NAH-UH! I AM PLAYING WITH IT! (I HAD IT FIRST!)''' :''[Max tries to tell their mom. That is, about Emmy not sharing the keyboard. So he says...!]'' :'''Max''': ''[to Mom]'' '''MOM?! EMMY IS NOT SHARING THE KEYBOARD (AGAIN)!''' :'''Mom''': ''[from outside the playroom --and to Max]'' ''Try to find something else until it's your turn, Max.'' :''[Max --who quickly buries the hatchet-- completely forgets about the keyboard and then, regards to Dragon Land.]'' :'''Max''': Maybe Ord has something cool to share with me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cassie''': If I don't take my crayon back now, it'll be too late! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Emmy''': You can use it. :'''Max''': I didn't want to use, Emmy. I only wait it to share it. Can't we play it together? ===''Whole Lotta Maracas Goin' On'' [1.35b]=== :'''Emmy''': ''Wake up, sleepyhead.'' :'''Max''': ''[yawns]'' I'm tired. ===''Ord Sees the Light'' [1.36a]=== ===''The Ugly Dragling'' [1.36b]=== ===''Out with the Garbage'' [1.37a]=== ===''Lights, Camera, Dragons'' [1.37b]=== :'''Wheezie''': '''LOOOOOOOVE IT!''' What's that? :'''Emmy''': It's my dad's video camera. I'm taping you right now! :'''Wheezie''': Ooh! I just love being in videos, they're so... ''[makes faces at the camera and laughs]'' :'''Zak''': ''[scolding hers]'' Wheezie! We you're making us look silly! ''[approaching the camera]'' '''HI, MOM! HI DAD! IT'S ME, ZAK!''' ''["Mom" is mistakenly heard as "Bob"]'' :''[When suddenly Ord appears worried covering Zak and Wheezie and looking for Cheddar, his mouse]'' :'''Ord''': Hey! Did you two see Cheddar? :'''Zak''': ''[pushing it]'' Who cares about cheese, Ord? You're interrumpting my scene! ''[he and Wheezie make funny faces at the camera]'' :'''Ord''': I'm not talking about cheese... I'm looking from my dragon mouse, Cheddar. He ran into that knucker hole. :'''Wheezie''': So that's who scared Zak. :'''Zak''': He zipped right under out feet! Nearly tripped me. <hr width="70%"/> :'''Ord''': Cheddar! :'''Quetzal''': ''No...'' It's tuna fish. :'''Wheezie''': ''[laugh]'' No, no, no, Cheddar's the name of the mouse! :'''Zak''': He's Ord pet, but he run away. :''[Cheddar runs away with Quetzal's sandwich and Emmy records the scene]'' <hr width="70%"/> :'''Quetzal''': ''Jamón''. :'''Max''': Ham! :'''Quetzal''': ''Tomate''. :'''Max''': Tomato! :'''Quetzal''': ''Mostaza''. :'''Max''': Mustard! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="70%"/> :'''Max''': More cheese! :'''Ord''': I like olives! :'''Zak''': No ''jalapeños'', please. <hr width="70%"/> :'''Max''': ''[while Emmy is recording]'' I'm captain submarine of the sandwich patrol, and you're toast! ''[showing Cheddar]'' :''[Quetzal, Ord, Cassie, Zak and Wheezie gasp surprised and then Emmy and Max laugh.]'' ===''Bully for You'' [1.38a]=== ===''The Great White Cloud Whale'' [1.38b]=== :'''Captain Scallywag: Arrgh! Ooh, we've lost him. Ohh, I'll never see me ship again... :'''Emmy''': Don't give up, Captain Scallywag. :'''Cassie''': Yeah! Maybe we can help you think of another way to catch the Cloud Whale. :'''Wheezie''': Oh!... oh!... oh!... I bet he'd come if he heard a nice whale song... :'''Zak''': We don't know any whale songs. Do we? :'''Wheezie''': Sure we do! ♪ Oh, where, oh, where has my big cloud whale gone?... ♪ :'''Zak''': ''[scolding hers]'' That's a dog song! :'''Wheezie''': Not anymore... ♪ Oh, where, oh, where can he be? With his ears cut short... ♪ :'''Zak''': ''[scolding hers]'' Whales don't have any ears! :'''Wheezie''': ♪ And his tail cut long, oh, please, come back to Wheezie. ♪ ''[she laughs while Zak gets angry]'' :'''Max''': Nice song! Too bad it didn't work... ===''To Do or Not to Do'' [1.39a]=== :'''Zak''': Please don't tell me we're really in the stomach of a giant Dragonocerous! :'''Glimmer''': Honey, you're really in the stomach of a giant Dragonocerous. :'''Zak''': I told you not to tell me that! ===''Much Ado About Nodlings'' [1.39b]=== :''[In the grass, the little Nodlings are all arguing, shouting, fighting and yelling furiously in fury and they started kicking and punching over the broken wagon.]'' :'''Max''': Have you ever had a fight what are they saying? :'''Wheezie''': They are have all argued! :''[It is true --true to what Wheezie says. The nodlings are really furious fist, This Challenge Erupted Into A Violence Argument Of Fury, Angry, Mad.]'' :'''Zak''': Because you’ve never seen a fight this broken wagon! :'''Cassie''': And now they don’t have anything to carry their mush trees in! :'''Max''': What’s a mush tree? :'''Ord''': It’s like a war mushroom! Only it’s a war tree. Well, THAT'S a war dragons like us, but to the little Nodlings, these are really huge. And they cut them down, eat their fruit, and chop them up into firewood to keep themselves warm in the winter. But without their wagon, the Nodlings start arguing very angry without anything to carry their mush trees home. And then they would be cold and even worse, heartbreaking! :'''The Giant of Nod''': [Offscreen, Growls Loudly And Then He Violently Fires A Gun To stop an argument, outraged evilly] '''SILENCE!!!!!!!!''' :'''Ord''': ''[frightened]'' It’s the Giant of Nod! :''[The Giant of Nod --furiously-- makes his way through the grass right up to the dragons. He eventually makes it to the pathway. And --almost that quickly-- he furiously storms to the entrance to the nodlings's house where he and the little nodlings stop from fighting.]'' :'''Wheezie''': Huh, I still can’t believe that giant was being so mean, nasty, rude and bossy! :''[Wheezie growls angrily, realizing too late he's been exposed.]'' :'''Zak''': [sternly] You don't scare me. You deliberately disobeyed! :''[The Giant of Nod -- Suddenly Snaps And He Launches Out A Megaphone Very Angry.]'' :'''The Giant of Nod''': ''[Thunders Angrily From Echoes In His Speaker Into An Rage Outburst To the Little Nodling Military] '''YOU WILL GONNA BE THE NODLING SOLDIERS, I AM THE GIGANTIC BOSSY KING SERGEANT, YOUR HEIRS!!!!!''' :''[The little nodlings salutes their leader --the Giant of Nod-- the wagon that Max broke. The Giant of Nod turns to the little nodlings. And when they --the little nodlings-- snarl and snap at the Giant of Nod what about happened to their wagon --and about a child boy breaking it-- they are very angry. That is, and so is the Giant of Nod. After the nodlings --angrily-- tell their leader the Giant of Nod, the Giant of Nod commands, with orders to march towards this. He --the Giant of Nod-- gets marching orders the little nodlings said to him. And he shakes his fist in rages out of series bossiness to Max, Emmy, and the dragon group, then he angrily screams into his megaphone which get more tense by flinches lividly the old wagon.]'' :'''The Giant of Nod''': ''[losing control of his rage and yelling from echoes in his speaker, violently stomps on the broken wagon]'' '''YOU WILL JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ALL OF THAT HURTFUL THING'S THROUGH YOUR RUDE HEIRS IN FIRED!!!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!?!''' :'''All''': [in unison, furious loudly] '''SIR, YES, SIR, KING SERGEANT!!!!''' ''[The Giant of Nod --when he angrily screams "'''DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!?!'''"-- he commands an barking order. After commanding an barking order, everyone --Emmy, Ord, Cassie, and Zak and Wheezie-- in response to him --the Giant of Nod-- look at Max. And they angrily arguing, shouting, fighting and yelling furiously and they started kicking and punching each other.]'' :'''Max''': ''[While Emmy, Ord, Cassie, and Zak and Wheezie arguing, shouting, fighting and yelling furiously and they started kicking and punching each other, then he irritating turns to the Giant of Nod threateningly enraged]'' '''NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID!''' You are out of order, you jerk!!! You just a show-off and boast, I did because sometimes I'm too bossy!! :''[The Giant of Nod angrily turns to Max.]'' :'''The Giant of Nod''': ''[from echoes in his speaker --and to Max]'' '''I'M THE BOSSY KING SERGEANT!!! I WILL BOTH YOU AND THEN DWEEB IS STUPID ONE DAY, YOUR GOING TO COMMAND YOU TO GUILTY, I SAY, GUILTY!!! GUILTY, GUILTY!!!! I'LL SMASH YOUR WAGON!!! HEAR ME!?!?''' :''[By the saying of the Giant of Nod, he --even though Max is difficult being angry king when the giant of nod boss everyone into doing frivolous things at the wrong time he was-- says Max from fighting it deliberately. And he demands that Max losing control of his outrage without his little nodlings's wagon immediately.]'' :'''Max''': [mad] '''THAT'S IT!!''' Do this, do that! You're just too bossy to break it. It was way too bossy would never do what you did! Never! So you '''LEAVE ME ALONE!!!''' :'''The Giant of Nod''': ''[becoming enraged from echoes in his speaker --and to Max]'' '''QUIET!!! I WILL DESTROY YOU GUYS!!! I’m never let you again! Never, Never, NEVER letting mention that name in my presence, You are one with the order of the Sith Lords. Henceforth, you shall be known as Young Sergeant without hear of you going to FIGHT WITH NO NODLINGS TO CARRY OUR MUSH TREES!!!!!!!!!''' :'''Max''': [yelling loudly ticked off] '''I'M GOING TO BE THE KILLER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!?! YOU, ARE, FIRED!!!''' :'''The Giant of Nod''': [angry] '''I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!''' :'''Max''': [thunders angrily] '''YOU ARE FIRED!!!''' :'''The Giant Of Nod''': [angrily frustration] '''I'D HATE YOU!!!!!''' :'''Max''': [losing control of his outrage, angrily yells] '''I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN!!!!!!!!''' :'''The Giant of Nod''': [loud frustration] '''SHUT UP, JERK!!!''' :'''Max''': [angry roars] '''I WISH I WILL NEVER BEEN BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' :'''The Giant of Nod''': [frustration lividly] '''THAT'S IT!! GET THE SARGENT OUT IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!! I'LL SMASH YOUR BROKEN WAGON!!!!!!! :''[So the Giant of Nod is very angry without it; Because he angrily growls, furiously commands the little nodlings having no place to carry their mush trees. That is, as he storms off in anger and says --in unison, enraged echoes on the megaphone-- "'''HE ADMITS MY NODLINGS WITH NO PLACE TO EXPLODE OUR MUSH TREES!!! I'D HATE YOU!!!!!'''". So he barked orders Max to go away without fix his little nodlings's wagon.]'' <hr width="100%"/> :''[At dragon's military school, Sergeant Max commands the nodlings the "wagon section" of his bulldozer so they can carry their mush trees. That is, to replace the broken wagon.]'' :'''The Giant of Nod''': [It sure is becoming angry] Recruits, you've lost your temper, so you become a loser!! We're doomed who’s being such a bully!! It's your fault because you were going our separate ways forever. So, this is… This is your dumb the whole day with you doing all kinds of ridiculous straight to stomp your guts out! Do you deny it, Max!?! :'''Max''': [salutes] '''Sir, WRONG, sir!! WRONG, sir!!!''' :'''The Giant of Nod''': [sighs then smiles to apologizes about being difficult being still wrecked them and the king, even though it was on purpose and boss everyone into doing frivolous things at the wrong time.] Oh, Good. Well Done, Max. Thank You. Now You're Not A Sergeant. You're good, kid. Outstanding! As long as I'm around you're second best. I'm sorry I was barking order at you. It's just take some time cut down more masteries than ever, but together, we will build my nodlings will be able to our army. I'll show them. :'''Max''': I'm sorry I was so cross. :'''The Giant of Nod''': I know you don't like argument because sometimes I'm too bossy. :'''Max''': I'm sorry I yelled at you, Mr. Nod. :'''The Giant of Nod''': [forgives him and accepts his apology, comforting] Me too. ===''Don't Bug Me!'' [1.40a]=== :'''Emmy''': ''[finding Max in the playroom]'' Max? ''[Notices a rubber spider and shrieks]'' :'''Max''': Scared ya! ===''Over and Over'' [1.40b]=== ==Season 2 (2001-2002)== ===''Lucky Stone'' [2.01a]=== :'''Max''': Pilot to co-pilot. Ready for take off. :'''Emmy''': Ready, Captain Max. ( ''grunting'' ) ( ''laughing'' ) :'''Emmy''': Good flying. Now, it's my turn. :'''Max''': I know where we could fly next. :'''Emmy''': Definitely. :'''Kids''': I wish, I wish with all my heart to fly with dragons in a land apart. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Max''': Hello! Anybody there? :'''Emmy''': Zak? Wheezie? Cassie? :'''Max''': Ord? Where is everybody? Wait. Watch me skip this rock. 2 times! :'''Emmy''': Cool. Let me try. Oh, well. :'''Max''': Whoa! Look at this. :'''Emmy''': It's shaped like a heart. :'''Max''': Watch it jump. Ta-da! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zak''': Aw, it was ''nothing''. ( ''no audio'' ) ( ''whistle blows'' ) <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kids''': I wish, I wish to use this rhyme to go back home until next time. :'''Max''': Watch me fly! :'''Emmy''': Max, what are you doing? :'''Max''': 3 loop-de-loops, 4 aerial zig-zags, and a round-spring-back-hand-off! ===''The Mefirst Wizard'' [2.01b]=== ===''Cassie Catches Up'' [2.02a]=== :'''Cassie''': ''[sighs]'' I feel so bad I let Emmy down. :''[first lines]'' :'''Emmy''': [making shadow puppets] See? This one's a dog and this one's a rabbit. Can you guess what this one is? :'''Max''': Um, a bat? :'''Emmy''': Right! And he's coming to get you... :''[last lines]'' :'''Max''': We could have a jumping contest and a spinning with your eyes shut contest. :'''Mom''': Max! Emmy! Time for lunch! :'''Emmy''': How about a contest to see who can eat the most spaghetti? :'''Max''': I'd win that! :'''Emmy''': Not if I get the spaghetti first! :'''Max''': Heh heh, wait up! ===''Very Berry'' [2.02b]=== :''[first lines]'' :'''Max''': Hey, look, Emmy. I have a banana nose. :'''Emmy''': Hold on. I've almost finished my book. Are you done with your puzzle yet? :''[last lines]'' :'''Max and Emmy''': I wish, I wish to use this rhyme to go back home until next time. :'''Emmy''': Hey, look out the window! It's started to rain. And you know what that means. :'''Max''': Lots and lots of mud puddles! :'''Emmy''': Wait for me! :'''Ord''': Ohh... ''[his stomach starts making very loud noises]'' I've ate so many berries before... Should I... or shouldn't I? Well, maybe just a little bite. :'''Max''': My Daddy once read me a story where a bear who got stuck in a hole. 'Cause he too much honey. :'''Zak''': Really? How did he get out? :'''Max''': He stayed there until he got thin again, then he popped out! ===''Finders Keepers'' [2.03a]=== ===''Remember the Pillow Fort'' [2.03b]=== :'''Wheezie''': ♪ The wind blows a breezy through Wheezie's treezies... ♪ :'''Zak''': ''[annoying]'' Ohhhhhh... If I hear another song about the wind blowing through something like... Ohhhhhh... :'''Wheezie''': ''[repentant]'' Oh... You right, you right. :'''Max''': Hi, Zak and Wheezie, what's wrong? :'''Wheezie''': Oh, hi, Max. We're supposed to bring a new song to our music lesson tomorrow and it's supposed to be about feelings, but we can't think of anything good. :'''Zak''': And we've been trying for days! :'''Wheezie''': Oh!... oh!... oh!... How about...? ♪ Ord is tall and Max is short, they both built a pillow fort... ♪ :'''Zak''': ''[scolding hers]'' Wheezie, feelings, like happy and sad! :'''Wheezie''': I know, I know... :'''Ord''': '''MAX, I CAN'T FIND ANYMORE PURPLE PILLOWS, I THINK YOU USED THEM ALL UP!''' :'''Max''': That's because I'm making a purple fort and you're making a red fort, Ord. :'''Ord''': But I wanted to make a tunnel just like yours! :'''Max''': '''BUT YOU CAN'T, PURPLE'S MY COLOR AND RED IS YOURS!''' :'''Ord''': '''FINE!''' I've never like purple anyway. :'''Max''': '''WHAT'S WRONG WITH PURPLE?! PURPLE'S BETTER THAN RED!''' :'''Ord''': '''NUH-UH! RED IS BETTER THAN PURPLE!''' :'''Max''': '''IS NOT!''' :'''Ord''': '''IS TOO!''' :''[is repeated]'' :'''Zak''': Oh! Now this is good! :'''Wheezie''': '''LOOOOOOOVE IT!''' :'''Zak''': ♪ Is not! ♪ :'''Wheezie''': ♪ Is too... ♪ :'''Zak''': ♪ Is not! ♪ :'''Wheezie''': ♪ Is too... ♪ :'''Zak''': ♪ I'm mad! ♪ :'''Wheezie''': ♪ Mad at you. ♪ :'''Max''': '''PURPLE'S GOOD!''' :'''Ord''': '''RED IS BETTER!''' :'''Emmy''': What are you yelling about? :'''Ord''': '''MAX AND I ARE HAVING A FIGHT!''' :'''Cassie''': What about? :'''Max''': '''ORD THINKS IS RED FORT IS BETTER THAN MY PURPLE FORT!''' :'''Ord''': '''MAX THINKS IS PURPLE FORT IS BETTER THAN MY RED FORT!''' :'''Emmy''': Why fight? Both of your forts are nice. :'''Cassie''': Yeah! They look great! :'''Max''': But don't you think purple's great, Cassie? :'''Ord''': But red is nice is too, Emmy, just like apples! I know you like apples! :'''Emmy''': Well, red is pretty nice. Just look at it, Cassie... :'''Cassie''': But that purple is the same color as grapes. I love grapes. :'''Emmy''': '''YOU'RE WRONG! PURPLE ISN'T BETTER THAN RED!''' :'''Cassie''': '''I'M NOT WRONG!''' :''[They both regret their fight]'' :'''Cassie''': Wait! Why are we fighting? :'''Emmy''': Ah... Let's go back and play hospital. ''[both withdraw]'' :'''Zak''': Oooooh! Let's put that in! :'''Wheezie''': Okie-dokie! :'''Max''': Come back! :'''Ord''': '''YEAH! YOU NEVER TOLD US WHICH ONE YOU LIKED BEST!''' Ooooohhhhh... Max... This isn't any fun... I don't want to fight with you. :'''Max''': Me either. :'''Ord''': Really? Then you think red is better too? :'''Max''': '''NO WAY!''' Purple's better... :'''Both''': ''[sad]'' Awwwwwwwww... :'''Ord''': How are we gonna stop fighting, Max? :'''Max''': I don't know. :''[Zak and Wheezie they return happy with an good new]'' :'''Zak''': We finally have our song! And it's full of feelings thanks to you two, listen! :'''Wheezie''': We used to have fun all day! :'''Zak''': We were happy and we played! :'''Wheezie''': ''[as both they get angry]'' Now we're sad and we fight... :'''Zak''': From the morning till the night...! :''[They repeat all the above]'' :'''Wheezie''': '''THANKS, ORD! THANKS, MAX!''' :''[Both withdraw very happy]'' :'''Max''': Zak and Wheezie are right, Ord, we used to have fun all day! We used to slide down the biggest mountains. :'''Ord''': It was cold that day! :'''Max''': And make music that everyone could dance to. :'''Ord''': And we cooked yummy things in the kitchen. And played hide and snow seek till it was practically dark! :'''Max''': Didn't we have a great time? And we'd fly everywhere on our magic carpet. :'''Ord''': That was fun! :'''Max''': And grab on the clouds that pull us way up into the sky! :'''Ord''': And we made sandcastles and sandbombs... and sandwiches... :'''Max''': ''[laughs]'' And you taught me how to swing on the jungle gym. :'''Ord''': And you helped me learn to ride a bike. '''AND I WAS SO SURPRISED ON MY BIRTHDAY...!''' :'''Max''': Ord, I want to be friends again, but I still like purple. :'''Ord''': And I still like red... :'''Max''': Come on, I know a way we can both get what we want. :''[They both build a new fort with the red and purple pillows together and Cassie and Emmy peek out from behind a bush.]'' :'''Emmy''': What? :''[Max and Ord finish setting up the fort and Emmy waves to them]'' :'''Max''': Come on down, you guys, come play in our new fort! :'''Ord''': It's got lots of tunnels... :'''Emmy''': But how did you two stop fighting so fast? :'''Ord''': We used both our favorite colors and we made a really great fort. '''HURRY UP!''' :'''Emmy and Cassie''': '''WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!''' ''[laughs]'' ===''Big Funky Cloud'' [2.04a]=== :'''Emmy''': Yippee! We did it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ord''': Look out! :'''All''': Watch out! :'''Ord''': Whoa! ===''Copy Cat'' [2.04b]=== :'''Kids''': ( ''in unison'' ) I wish, I wish, to use this rhyme to go home, until next time. :'''Mom''': ( ''shouts in the house at once'' ) ''Max! Emmy! I just got back time the market. Does anyone want the juice pop?'' :'''Kids''': ( ''in unison'' ) I do! ( ''both laughing'' ) ===''One Big Wish'' [2.05a]=== :'''Emmy''': '''MAX, YOU JUST GREW AGAIN!''' :'''Ord''': '''YOU'RE AS BIG AS MUNGUS THE GIANT, AND THAT'S REALLY, REALLY, REALLY BIG!''' :'''Max''': Better put these away, Wheezie, I don’t want to accidentally... :''[Max grabs the bats but ends up crushing them to pieces]'' :'''Max''': ...break them. :'''Wheezie''': ''[very annoyed]'' '''HEY! BIG GUY!''' :'''Zak''': ''[also annoyed]'' '''NICE GOING, MAX...!''' ===''Breaking Up is Hard to Do'' [2.05b]=== :'''Wheezie''': '''STOOOOOOOOOP IIIIIIIIIIIT...!''' I just hate when you guys, especially over this... ''what do you call it.'' :'''Zak''': Yeah! Plus all this noise is giving me a headache! :'''Emmy''': I think I how to settle this. :'''Max''': Okay... :'''Ord''': How, Emmy? :'''Emmy''': We'll play ''"eeny, meeny, miny, moe"''. :'''Ord''': What's that? It sounds scary! :'''Emmy''': ''[laugh]'' Don't worry, Ord, it won't be scary, I'll see a rhyme and with each word i'll point to one of you and then the other. Whoever I'm pointing to when the rhyme ends, gets to take the piece home first. :'''Max''': Well, okay... :'''Ord''': I guess so... :'''Emmy''': Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, catch a dragon by the toe, if he hollers let him go, eeny, meeny, miny, moe. :''[Max tries to put himself in Ord's place]'' :'''Emmy''': ''[angry]'' '''MAX!''' :'''Ord''': '''HOORAY, I'M WIN!''' :'''Max''': Fine... :'''Ord''': I'm going to show my mummy right away. ===''A New Friend'' [2.06a]=== ===''Have No Fear'' [2.06b]=== :'''Max''': Too broken, too bouncy, too big. ===''Cassie the Green-Eyed Dragon'' [2.07a]=== ===''Something's Missing'' [2.07b]=== ===''A Crown for Princess Kidoodle'' [2.08a]=== :'''Emmy''': I'm so full. I don't think I'll be able to eat again for three days. :'''Mom''': Emmy! Max! Dinner! :''[kids giggle]'' ===''Three's a Crowd'' [2.08b]=== ===''Knuck Knuck, Who's Where?'' [2.09a]=== :'''Cassie''': ''Uh-oh. Which way?'' :'''Max''': ''[distant]'' ''Emmy. Where are you, Emmy?'' :'''Zak''': ''Where are you?'' :'''Max''': ''Cassie.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cassie''': There we're so many different ways to go. So, we mark the paths and we ask for directions, too. ===''Just Desserts'' [2.09b]=== :''[Mungus is sobbing]'' :'''Zak''': Look, it's Mungus. ===''Dragonberry Drought'' [2.10a]=== ===''A Snowman for All Seasons'' [2.10b]=== :'''Mom''': ''Emmy, Max, I think you have spent enough time inside today. Why don't you go outside and some fresh air? You can play in the snow.'' ===''I Believe in Me'' [2.11a]=== :'''Cassie''': ''[gasps]'' Emmy, Max. ===''Bye Bye Baby Birdie'' [2.11b]=== ===''Back to the Storybook'' [2.12a]=== :'''Emmy''': Come on, Max. Today's the day Cassie bringing Kiki and Finn to the School in the Sky. :'''Max''': I'm ready. I was waiting for you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cassie''': Kiki, Finn, you must be quiet! I'm sorry, Quetzal. Stop! :'''Bryce''': No! Cassie! Let's get out of here! :'''Cassie''': I think, they're tired of play with the toys. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Emmy wants to know what the sad face --on Goldilocks-- is for. That is, as she --Emmy-- asks Goldilocks...!]'' :'''Emmy''': ''[to Goldilocks]'' What is the matter, Goldilocks? :'''Goldilocks''': ''[before crying]'' I bumped into the dining room table. And I spilled all the porridge! :''[Goldilocks cries --after the accident she just made with the porridge.]'' :'''Goldilocks''': ''[crying]'' '''BOO HOO!''' :''[Max, he says to Goldilocks...!]'' :'''Max''': All three bowls? :''[And Goldilocks says...!]'' :'''Goldilocks''': ''[in between tears]'' Yes. I cleaned up the mess. :''[After she --Goldilocks-- says this, she shows the group one of the porridge bowls. Then she says to Max and the rest of the gang...!]'' :'''Goldilocks''': ''[in between tears]'' But now there is no porridge left to eat! :''[Goldilocks resumes crying.]'' ===''Dragon Scouts'' [2.12b]=== ===''The Serpent's Trail'' [2.13a]=== :'''Norm''': That’s for me to know and for you to figure out. ''[laughs]'' By solving this puzzle. So far today, I’ve seen six different faces, including yours. So have I seen Cyrus or not? :'''Wheezie''': Can you say it again? :'''Norm''': Sure. So far today, I’ve seen six different faces, including yours. ''[laugh]'' <hr width="85%"/> :'''Max''': So that's why Cyrus took your detective kit, Emmy... :'''Ord''': To help him find the girls eggs! :'''Emmy''': Of course! My magnifying glass would help them spot the tiny little holes where the eggs are hidden. :'''Max''': We have to find Cyrus. :'''Ord''': We have to stop him! :'''Wheezie''': We have to save of itty-bitty eggs! :'''Max''': ''[listen to Cyrus]'' There he is...! :''[The gang runs to catch it]'' :'''Cyrus''': Come on, my dear little eggies... I know you're around here somewhere... Ah-ha! ''[dig in the sand]'' My treasure... Eggs, eggs and more eggs...! :''[The gang finally catches him]'' :'''Cyrus''': Oh, oh... :'''Emmy''': That's '''MY''' detective kit, Cyrus... :'''Cyrus''': You're right, sorry, I never should have taken it without asking you... Here. ''[he gives her back the detective kit and starts taking the eggs]'' :'''Cassie''': Those aren't your eggs either, Cyrus! :'''Cyrus''': But... but-but-but...! :'''Everyone''': ''[in chorus]'' '''CYRUS!''' :'''Cyrus''': Oh, alright. ''[puts the eggs down]'' Can't I have just one itty-bitty egg...? :'''Everyone''': ''[in chorus]'' '''NO!''' :'''Cyrus''': '''JUM!''' Fool... ''[leaves feeling angry and muttering to himself under his breath]'' ===''Head Over Heels'' [2.13b]=== :'''Max''': Emmy, remember, it's "ready, hand-hand, foot-foot." Not, "hand-hand, foot-bottom." ===''Sticky Situation'' [2.14a]=== ===''Green Thumbs'' [2.14b]=== ===''Teasing is Not Pleasing'' [2.15a]=== ===''Team Work'' [2.15b]=== :'''Ord''': Max! Emmy! Know any jokes? ''[hugging them]'' :'''Max''': Why? :''[Ord tickles Emmy and Max and they both laugh]'' :'''Ord''': Because the giggle flowers are in bloom! :'''Wheezie''': I looooove giggle flowers, they're so... giggly! ''[laugh]'' :'''Cassie''': They'll laugh at anybody's jokes, even mine. :'''Zak''': Wanna pick some? :'''Emmy''': Definitely. <hr width="45%"/> :'''Max''': If I had giggle flowers seeds, I'd plant them all over the place. :'''Ord''': That wouldn't work, giggle flowers only grow in hard to find places, because they're shy. :'''Wheezie''': I know how to find them... :'''Emmy''': How? :'''Wheezie''': I'll show you. Who has a knock-knock joke? :'''Max''': Hum... Knock, knock... :'''Wheezie''': Who's there? :'''Max''': Cargo. :'''Wheezie''': Cargo who? :'''Max''': Cargo beat, beat! :''[Wheezie laugh, listening the laughing flowers and Zak covers her snout]'' :'''Wheezie''': I think are you one! ''[laugh]'' :'''Zak''': How could you be sure what you're talking all the time? Shhhhhhhhhh! :''[They both go over to look inside the bush, they open it and find a stinkydink.]'' :'''Both''': ''[in chorus]'' '''A STINKYDINK!''' <hr width="45%"/> :'''Zak''': '''GROSS! STICKY YUCKY SPIDER THREADS!''' :'''Wheezie''': '''YOU MADE ME RUN INTO A SPIDER WEB!''' :'''Zak''': '''ME?! YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN LOOKING WHERE WE WERE GOING!''' :''[They both see their badges moving away]'' :'''Wheezie''': '''OUR BADGES!''' ''[worried]'' They're gone. Oh, Zak... If we don't stop arguing our badges just won't shine and we'll never get them back. :'''Zak''': You're right. :'''Wheezie''': On a count of three, both of us will grab the top of the spider web and pull it! Ready? One, two... :'''Zak''': Wait! Wait. Is it ''"one, two, hold on three"'' or ''"one, two, three"'', pull! :'''Wheezie''': No, Zak... It's ''"one, two, three, then pull."'' Okay? Here we go. :''[They both hold the spider web]'' :'''Wheezie''': One, two, three, pull! <hr width="45%"/> :'''Ord''': ''[hugging to Zak and Wheezie]'' Oh, thank goodness we found you...! :'''Zak and Wheezie''': '''OH, ORD! YOU'RE SQUISHING! LITTLE LESS GLAD WOULD BE GOOD! OH, NOW! OOH! OW!''' ===''On Thin Ice'' [2.16a]=== :'''Emmy''': Hurry, Max. I'm ready. :'''Max''': Found them. I wonder why Quetzal asked us to bring our ice skates today. :'''Emmy''': There's only one way to find out. :'''Kids''': I wish, I wish with all my heart to fly to dragons in a land apart. :'''Kids''': ===''The Shape of Things to Come'' [2.16b]=== :''[For the circle key to Crystal the Door, Max sees a green lizard round orange spots. The lizard, he appears smiling. And the lizard, his spots are indeed shaped like a circle. The lizard smiles in a friendly smile. Then Max talks to the lizard.]'' :'''Max''': ''[to the lizard]'' Excuse me, Mr. Lizard? Can we maybe borrow one of your spots? We promise to bring it right back. :'''Mr. Lizard''': ''[laughs mockingly]'' '''HA!''' :''[Then he gets into a bullying tone. And --after Max asks him if he can borrow one of his spots because they are a circle-- he says to Max...!]'' :'''Mr. Lizard''': ''[continues --and in between laughs]'' '''OH SURE! AFTER YOU LET ME BORROW YOUR NOSE!''' :''[The lizard laughs mockingly, resumes laughing, and walks away. That is, after he says to Max that he --Max-- can borrow one of his spots as soon as he --Max-- lets him borrow his nose. Max --in response to the lizard-- pinches his nose and tries to keep the lizard from borrowing it. That is, since he does not want to fall for the lizard's joke.]'' ===''Hide and Can't Seek'' [2.17a]=== ===''The Art of Patience'' [2.17b]=== ===''So Long Solo'' [2.18a]=== ===''Hands Together'' [2.18b]=== :'''Dragons''': Happy Dragontines Day! ''[hug them]'' :'''Emmy''': And look what we brought! Dragontines for everybody! :'''Cassie''': We have cards for you too! :''[They all cheer and hand out the Dragontines as Quetzal comes over]'' :'''Quetzal''': Hola, Max and Emmy. Will you be joining us for the Happy Hearts recital this morning? :'''Ord''': It's a show that we put on for everyone we love every Dragontines Day. We sing songs and do dances. It'’s really fun, and... :'''Wheezie''': And we'd loooove it if you two would boogie down with us! :'''Emmy''': Definitely! :'''Quetzal''': I'll see you onstage, then. Adiós, niños. ''[leaves]'' :'''Wheezie''': Listen up, everybody, Zaky and I have a terrific idea! We want to sing a song that Quetzal taught us! :'''Zak''': There's a dance that goes with the song. And we can teach you how to do it. :'''Ord''': My mommy's gonna love that. :''[Changes to the playground where they gather to rehearse.]'' :'''Wheezie''': Okey-dokey, artichokies! The song is called ''"Los Pollitos"''. :'''Emmy''': I know that song! My Tía Carmen taught it to me when I was little. ''"Los Pollitos"'' means "little chicks." :'''Wheezie''': Right you are! And the little chicks are all cold and hungry. Brr! :'''Emmy''': But their mom finds some food and a warm blanket for them. :'''Wheezie''': Did your Tía teach you the dance too? :'''Emmy''': She sure did. :'''Zak''': Perfect! So why don't we show everyone how it goes? :'''Wheezie''': A-one... A-two and a-one, two, three! :''[Emmy, Zak and Wheezie perform the "Los Pollitos" dance]'' :'''Wheezie''': ♪ Los pollitos dicen "Pio, pio, pio. Cuando tienen hambre, cuando tienen frio." Bajo sus dos alas, acurrucaditos. Hasta el otro dia, duerman los pollitos. ♪ :''[Moves: "Los pollitos dicen "Pio, pio, pio": Stand on one foot, then flap arms like a chick while stamping feet. "Cuando tienen hambre, cuando tienen frio": Stand still and rub belly, cross arms and shiver in place. "Bajo sus dos alas, acurrucaditos": Flap arms and stamp feet again while spinning. "Hasta el otro dia, duerman los pollitos": Pretend to sleep with head against arms, then rock arms back and forth.]'' :'''Cassie''': That looks fun! :'''Ord''': Yeah, let's all try it now! :'''Zak''': In English this time. :''[They all dance and Ord stumbles]'' :'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ All the little chicks say "Cheep, cheep, cheep. We are very hungry and too cold to sleep. Their mother spreads her wings and feeds them lots of grain. So until tomorrow, they're warm and safe again. ♪ :''[Ord knocks Max and Cassie to the ground and they laugh.]'' :'''Zak''': Pretty good for the first time. Want to try it again? :'''Cassie''': Yeah! :'''Emmy''': Sure! :'''Ord''': You bet we do! :''[The song restarts, all but Ord dances and he stumbles again.]'' :'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ Los pollitos dicen "Pio, pio, pio. Cuando tienen hambre, cuando tienen frio." Bajo sus dos alas, acurrucaditos. Hasta el otro dia, duerman los pollitos. ♪ :'''Emmy''': ♪ All the little chicks say "Cheep, cheep, cheep. We are very hungry and too cold to sleep. Their mother spreads her wings and feeds them lots of grain. So until tomorrow, they're warm and safe again. ♪ ''[hugs Cassie and laughs]'' :'''Ord''': Hey, that dance is hard! :'''Emmy''': Why don't we try it again? You'’ll catch on. :'''Ord''': I hope so. :'''Cassie''': I have an idea! What if we try the dance again a little slower, one line at a time? :'''Ord''': Okay. :'''Zak and Wheezie''': Here we go! ♪ Los pollitos dicen... ♪ :'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ All the little chicks say... ♪ :'''Max''': Get ready to flap. :'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ "Pio, pio, pio." ♪ :'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ "Cheep, cheep, cheep." ♪ :'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ "Cuando tienen hambre..." ♪ :'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ "We are very hungry"... ♪ :'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ "Cuando tienen frio." ♪ :'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ And too cold to sleep." ♪ :'''Ord''': Hey, I did it! I did the dance! :'''Emmy''': Ready to try it all together now? :'''Ord''': You betcha! :'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ Los pollitos dicen "Pio, pio, pio." ♪ :'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ All the little chicks say "Cheep, cheep, cheep." ♪ :'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ Cuando tienen hambre, cuando tienen frio." ♪ :'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ "We are very hungry, and too cold to sleep" ♪ :'''Ord''': Wait. I'm stuck! I can do the parts of the dance, but it's hard to do them all together! Maybe if I watch you guys do it all the way through again, that'll help... :'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ Los pollitos dicen "Pio, pio, pio. Cuando tienen hambre, cuando tienen frio." Bajo sus dos alas, acurrucaditos. Hasta el otro dia, duerman los pollitos. ♪ :'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ All the little chicks say "Cheep, cheep, cheep. We are very hungry and too cold to sleep. Their mother spreads her wings and feeds them lots of grain. So until tomorrow, they're warm and safe again. ♪ :'''Ord''': Okay, I think I got it. Let's try it! :'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ Los pollitos dicen "Pio, pio, pio." ♪ :'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ All the little chicks say "Cheep, cheep, cheep." ♪ :'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ "Cuando tienen hambre..." ♪ :'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ "We are very hungry"... ♪ :'''Zak and Wheezie''': ♪ "Cuando tienen frio." ♪ :'''Emmy and Cassie''': ♪ And too cold to sleep." ♪ :'''Ord''': Whoa! ''[he stumbles]'' :'''Emmy''': Are you okay, Ord? :'''Ord''': Yes, but it's almost time for the Happy Hearts recital and I'm never gonna learn this dance never, ever, ever... :'''Max''': ''[while Zak, Wheezie, Cassie and Emmy gasps]'' Ord, wait! :'''Emmy''': Come back! <hr width="100%"/> :'''Ord''': I really want to join my friends in the show, but I just ''can't'' do the dance right. ( ''song hums'' ) Clap, stomp. Oh! It's ''no'' use! :'''Quetzal''': Hola, Ord. You dropped. "To my mommy, love you lots. From, Ord.'' Your mother will be so happy that you made this for her. :'''Ord''': Thank you. :'''Quetzal''': Are you going to give it to your mother after the recital? :'''Ord''': No. I'm ''not'' going to the recital, because I tried and I tried, but, the dance is too hard. ===''Sneezy Does It'' [2.19a]=== ===''Try It, You'll Like It'' [2.19b]=== ===''Just for Laughs'' [2.20a]=== :''[About the tickle monsters. Kiki and Finn agreed with the group that the remaining custard eggs were in the Giant of Nod's magic box. So they accidentally let the tickle monsters out.]'' :'''Emmy''': ''[to the Giant of Nod]'' Did you say "Tickle Monsters"? :'''Giant of Nod''': ''[to Emmy]'' '''YES! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I SAID! AND THOSE TICKLE MONSTERS, THEY ATE UP ALL OUR FOOD!''' ===''Give Zak a Hand'' [2.20b]=== :'''Zak''': Sure! ===''Make No Mistake'' [2.21a]=== ===''The Balancing Act'' [2.21b]=== :'''Emmy''': I love my new skateboard, but, I'll ''never'' be able to ride it if this rain doesn't stop. :'''Max''': I know a place where you can ride it, Emmy. :'''Kids''': Dragon Land! I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kids''': I wish, I wish, to use this rhyme, to go back home, until next time. :'''Emmy''': Whew. No more skateboarding today. :'''Max''': You can help me build my log tower, if you want. Whoa! It's gonna fall and make a mess! :'''Emmy''': You just need to add a log here, so, each side has the same number of logs ( ''British accent'' ) for the perfect balance. ===''Room for Change'' [2.22a]=== ===''The Sorrow and the Party'' [2.22b]=== ===''The Grudge Won't Budge'' [2.23a]=== ===''Putting the Fun in Fun Houses'' [2.23b]=== ===''Puzzlewood'' [2.24a]=== :'''Max''': Come on, Emmy, let's finish our jigsaw puzzle. The piece that fits here is big at the top and small at the bottom. Look, Emmy, I found it. :'''Emmy''': Me, oh, my, it's my favorite. ===''Let's Dance'' [2.24b]=== :'''Wheezie''': '''IT'S A MUSIC BOX! LOOOOOOOVE IT!''' :'''Zak''': Well, I don't love it that music's making me dance, and I can't stop! :'''Wheezie''': But dancing's fun, Zaky, and look at you go you're dancing up a storm. '''LOOOOOOOVE IT!''' :'''Zak''': Uh... It maybe fun for you, Wheezie, but I don't want to dance. Where are we going? :'''Wheezie''': It's me... :'''Zak''': Arrrghhhh... But we're supposed to guard the other boxes! :'''Wheezie''': Oh, all right, I'll close the box now... Zak, it won't close! :'''Zak''': Uh... Let my try. ''[try to close the box]'' I can't close it either and if we don't we'll keep dancing. :'''Wheezie''': Come on, little boxy, please, close... :'''Zak''': Oh, great, now what? :''[They both leave with the music box dancing ballet along the way]'' :'''Zak''': Maybe Quetzal could help us. :'''Wheezie''': '''QUETZAL, HEEEEEEEEEELP!''' :''[Quetzal sees them dancing from the school window and greets them]'' :'''Wheezie''': '''BUT WE'RE TOO FAR AWAY HE CAN'T HEAR US!''' :'''Zak''': '''WAVE HARDER, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!''' :''[Quetzal looks at them through the window again and withdraws]'' :'''Wheezie''': Oh, no! What do we do? :'''Zak''': '''PANIC! CAUSE WE'RE DOOMED TO DANCE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFES!!!!!!!! WHEEZIE, I'M REALLY TIRED OF THE SONG!''' :'''Wheezie''': Did tell the truth... ''[sighing]'' I'm tired of dancing too... :''[The pace of the song slows down]'' :'''Zak''': Do you hear what I hear? :'''Wheezie''': The music seems to be stopping, let's try to close the box again... '''WE DID IT!''' <hr width="85%"/> :'''Zak''': Now leave those boxes alone, Wheezie, every time you open one, we get in big trouble! :'''Wheezie''': No more peaking, Zak, i promise... <hr width="85%"/> :'''Greta''': Hello, everyone, my hat and I are back it last! :'''Wheezie''': '''I DID IT! THE WHOLE TIME WE WHERE PLAYING I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THE STRIPY BOX ONCE!''' :'''Zak''': Here you go, Greta, your boxes. :'''Greta''': Thank you for watching them... :'''Wheezie''': Hmmmmmmm... Well... Actually... I couldn't wait and I opened two of them. :'''Greta''': '''YOU DID?!''' But you shouldn't have opened them without my permission. :'''Wheezie''': I know, and I'm sorry. I'm trying to learn how to wait. :'''Greta''': Well... I know how hard it is to wait. But sometimes, waiting for a surprise makes it even more fun when you finally see what it is. :'''Wheezie''': May I open the box now, please? :'''Greta''': Yes, you may. :'''Wheezie''': Any special rules? :'''Greta''': Nope, go right ahead... :''[Wheezie opens the box and to everyone's surprise colorful streamers come out]'' :'''Greta''': But there's another secret to this little box, pull your streamer when I say these special words: ''"Gravity Green!"'' <hr width="85%"/> :'''Cassie''': It was so much fun! :'''Ord, Emmy and Max''': Thanks, Greta. :'''Zak''': See, if you went ahead and opened the box, we wouldn't have known the special words, and we would have missed the merry-go ride. :'''Wheezie''': I'm so glad I was finally able to wait. :'''Cassie''': Wheezie, your badge! :'''Wheezie''': Oh, boy! Look, Zaky, look! :'''Zak''': That good going, Wheezie! :''[They both hug each other]'' ==Season 3 (2005)== ===''To Fly with a New Friend, Part 1'' [3.01a]=== :''[first lines]'' :'''Max''': ''[imitates galloping hooves as he plays with his horse]'' Giddy-up! Yee-haw! I thought Enrique was coming over to play, Emmy. :'''Emmy''': He is, Max. Isn't it great having a new friend living next door? :'''Max''': Yeah. :''[knocking on the door is heard.]'' :'''Emmy and Max''': Come in! :''[the door opens and Enrique comes in the playroom.]'' :'''Emmy''': Hi! :'''Max''': Hi, Enrique! :'''Enrique''': ''Hola!'' ''Que tal?'' :'''Emmy''': Great! :'''Max''': How's it going? :'''Enrique''': ''Bien.'' Okay... I guess. :'''Max''': ''[offers another horse toy]'' Wanna play cowboy? :'''Enrique''': ''[grabs the horse toy]'' I have an uncle who is a real-life cowboy. A ''vaquero''. I used to ride horses with him back home. :'''Max''': Was that in [[Mexico]]? That's where our ''abuelita (Spanish for: grandma)'' is from. :'''Enrique''': No, in [[Columbia]]. But then we moved to [[Puerto Rico]], and I didn't get to ride so much. ''[pause; Emmy and Max look at him confused and skeptical]'' You guys would ''love'' Puerto Rico! You could play on the beach and swim, and... ''[sighs sadly]'' :'''Emmy''': You really miss it, huh? :'''Enrique''': ''A veces.'' Uh, sometimes. It's so different [[United States|here]], and it's just hard. :'''Max''': But you speak English really good. :'''Emmy''': "Really ''well''". :''[Max glares at her.]'' :'''Enrique''': It's not that, it's just... I don't know. I've tried to make friends at school but all the kids all know each other already. And they all talk about stuff I don't know anything about. :'''Max''': Anything you want to know about, I'm an expert! :'''Emmy''': ''[giggles]'' Oh, brother! :'''Enrique''': ''Gracias'', Max. I just wish there was a place where everyone was as friendly as you and Emmy. :'''Max''': We know a place like that! :'''Emmy''': ''[whispers]'' Max! ''[glares at him]'' :'''Max''': ''[whispers]'' Why can't we take Enrique there? :'''Emmy''': Because we... we just can't. ''[Max smiles at her]'' Well, maybe. I guess. ''[smiles]'' Definitely! :'''Max''': ''[giggles]'' :''[Emmy runs to the drawer and Max follows her. She opens the drawer, picks up the case and opens it, revealing the magic dragon scale.]'' :'''Enrique''': Wow, that is so beautiful! ''Que es eso? (Spanish for: What's that?]'' :'''Max''': It's a dragon scale! :'''Enrique''': ''[chuckles]'' Sure, right. Seriously, what makes it glow like that? :'''Max''': It's magical. It takes us to a place called Dragon Land. :'''Enrique''': Come on! ''[Emmy and Max smile at him]'' Okay, so how does it work? :'''Emmy''': Well, Max and I hold the scale and say: ''I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart.'' And whoosh, we're there! :'''Max''': ''[picks out the scale]'' You want to try? :''[Enrique is hesitant as first but shrugs and decides to give it a try as he, Emmy and Max hold the scale together.]'' :'''Emmy and Max''': I wish, I wish, with all my heart... :'''Enrique''': I wish, I wish, with all I've got... :'''Emmy''': No, it's ''"with all my heart"''! :'''Enrique''': Ah, ''corazon''! Heart! Sorry! :''[Emmy, Max and Enrique hold the scale together.]'' :'''Emmy, Max and Enrique''': I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart. :''[The scale shines bright.]'' :'''Enrique''': ''[gasps]'' :''[The dragon tapestries come to life and leap off the wallpaper, and spin around Emmy, Max and Enrique as the three are surrounded in a colorful sparkling light.]'' :'''Enrique''': What? Whoa! No way! :''[Emmy, Max and Enrique transport to Dragon Land.]'' <hr width="85%"/> :''[Zak and Wheezie fly in.]'' :'''Wheezie''': Ooooooh, I just loooove making a new friend... Hello! I'm Wheezie, and this is my brother, Zak! :'''Enrique''': Ah... Ohhhhh... Hello, I'm... '''YOU HAVE TWO HEADS!''' :'''Zak''': Yeah. Hers does most to the talking, mine does most to the thinking! ''[laugh]'' :'''Wheezie''': Oh, Zaky... Ooh, I almost forgot! Quetzal sent us to find you, he need us for something veeeery important... :'''Enrique''': Quetzal? :'''Cassie''': He's our teacher at the school in the sky, Enrique... :'''Max''': Come on! You'll really like him... :''[Max rides Ord and Emmy rides Cassie.]'' :'''Zak''': You can ride in us, Enrique... :'''Enrique''': Ride on a dragon's back? :'''Max''': Of course. :'''Enrique''': Okay, I've read in horses this can't be that much more difficult. ''[rides Zak and Wheezie]'' :'''Zak''': Hang on tight, Enrique! :'''Enrique''': Okay... You're not gonna run too fast are you? :'''Zak''': Who said anything about running? :'''Wheezie''': You're gonna fly! ===''To Fly with a New Friend, Part 2'' [3.01b]=== :'''Enrique''': Where are we now? :'''Ord''': Don't know, Enrique... Some kind of garden... :'''Cassie''': And it's full of knucker holes. :'''Zak''': Mystery solved. The knuckle holes disappear, some kind of magic brought him here. :'''Emmy''': But who did the magic? :'''Quanita''': That would be me... ''[comes down from the tree using his magic wand]'' Hi. I'm Quanita, junior wizard, uh... in training. :'''Wheezie''': '''AM I MAD!''' :'''Max''': Yeah, cause you shouldn't take what doesn't belong you! That's not right. :'''Quanita''': Oh, I am so sorry, let me explain. :'''Zak''': Oh... To this oughta be good... :'''Quanita''': Easy... The head wizard asked me to plant all these speckled trees, but it would take me forever to dig holes for all of them... :'''Ord''': There sure are a lot of them... :'''Quanita''': So I waved my wand and made a wish for holes to plant them in, and well, these are what appeared. Huh... I am afraid I am not a good wizard. :''[Everyone looks worried]'' :'''Zak''': Ahhhhh... Anybody can make a mistake, with she makes them constantly. :'''Wheezie''': '''SURE DO...!''' :'''Cassie''': Maybe you just need practice, Quanita. :'''Quanita''': You think? :'''Emmy''': Definitely. :'''Quanita''': I'll reverse the wish and send all the knuckle holes back. :'''Zak''': Get ready to jump everybody, we're going home with the knuckle holes! :'''Enrique''': Wait! Before we go, we can help Quanita plant her trees. :'''Emmy''': That's the great idea, Enrique, it's a big job for one little wizard. :'''Enrique''': Can you make a wish for shovels? :'''Quanita''': I can try... :'''Max''': You did it! :'''Wheezie''': '''LET'S GET TICKING!''' ===''Rise and Bloom'' [3.02a]=== :'''Max''': Come on, little guys. Rise and bloom. Hmm. I think then need a little moe help waking up. :''[all join in, singing in Spanish]'' ===''Super Snow Day'' [3.02b]=== ===''Musical Scales'' [3.03a]=== :'''Zak''': You heard, Wheezie! We aren't here! Oops! I mean, Wheezie and I aren't...! Oh! Oh, I give up. :'''Wheezie''': Awwwwwwww... I had them fooled until you put our foot in your mouth... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zak''': Our song is called ''"El Coqui"'', the frog! :'''Enrique''': I taught them that song ''en español'' and english. :''[Music playing]'' :'''Wheezie''': ♪ My Coqui, little frog, how I love you... ♪ :'''Zak''': ♪ For your song is be comfort and peace... ♪ :'''Wheezie''': ♪ Every night I can go to sleep happy... ♪ :'''Zak''': ♪ When I hear lullabies from Coqui. ♪ :'''Both''': ♪ Coqui, Coqui... ♪ :'''Zak''': '''OH! OW! OH!''' :'''Wheezie''': ♪ Coqui, Coqui, Coqui... ♪ :'''Enrique''': I didn't teach you this part. :'''Zak''': ''[jumping]'' '''OOH! AHH!''' :'''Wheezie''': ''[jumping]'' '''AAH! OOOH!''' :'''Zak''': Can you feel that? Uhh. Itchy! Ah! :'''Cassie''': I think we'd better try something else. Hmmmmm... Maybe we could cover up the bald spots. :'''Max''': With what? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wheezie''': Why didn't I ever think of wearing all my fancy clothes at the same time before? :'''Zak''': Because we look like someone dumped a laundry basketover our heads... This almost looks worse than shedding. :''[Ord, Cassie and Emmy laugh]'' :'''Max''': No! You look like rock stars really. Play! :''[Music playing]'' :'''Zak''': ♪ My Coqui, little frog, how I love you... ♪ :'''Wheezie''': ♪ For your song is be comfort and peace... ♪ :'''Zak''': ''[concerned]'' ♪ A belt has come loose and it's slipping... ♪ :'''Wheezie''': ♪ Well, grab it before it falls off. ♪ :'''Zak''': ♪ Coqui, Coqui... ♪ Oh! ♪ Coqui, qui, qui... ♪ '''YOW!''' :'''Wheezie''': ♪ Coqui, Coqui... ♪ :'''Zak''': '''WOW!''' :''[They both fall to the floor]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zak''': '''WHOA!''' :'''Wheezie''': ''[laugh]'' Oh, sorry. I can't help it! :'''Zak''': That is a b-a-d haircut. ===''Hand in Hand'' [3.03b]=== :'''Enrique''': Wow! :'''Emmy''': Hey! :'''Max''': Ow! :''[Enrique gasps]'' :'''Zak''' and '''Wheezie''': 1, 2, 3, pull! Pull! :'''Enrique''': Pare! Stop! What are you doing? ===''Sky Soccer'' [3.04a]=== :'''Ord''': Wow! That looks like so much fun! I can't wait to be on the team... :'''Emmy''': Have you ever played sky soccer before, Ord? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wheezie''': ''[annoyed]'' '''WELL, DON'T TAKE ALL DAY!''' :'''Zak''': Okay, okay, here goes nothing...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ord''': I'm not sure I can remember all that. ===''Itching for a Cure'' [3.05a]=== :'''Emmy''': ''Careful.'' :'''Max''': ''I am.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Enrique''': Sorry, I'm late. :'''Emmy''' and '''Max''': Huh? :'''Enrique''': ''[speaks in Spanish]'' ''Sorry.'' I didn't mean to knock down your card house. :'''Emmy''': That's okay, Enrique. :'''Max''': Yeah, we we're just practicing for the big house of cards we're gonna build in Dragon Land. ===''The Big Race'' [3.05b]=== ===''Max Loves a Train'' [3.06b]=== :'''Max''': All aboooooard!!! Choooooooo, Choooooooo!!! Chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga! :'''Enrique''': Wow, Max. What a cool model train set from hobby lobby! :'''Emmy''': [imitating engine's wheels & whistles as a steam train] Choo, choo, choo, choo, Woo-woo! Max loves steam engine trains going down by the station, Enrique. :'''Max''': Yeah, and today, we get to ride the Dragon Land Express. Chug, chug, Whoo, whoo, Off we go! :'''Enrique''': I know. I can't wait about pufferbellies. A Pufferbelly is a big old train with a steam engine. Choo-choo-choo-choo. :'''Emmy''': [giggles then she have a great idea to wear bandannas, engineer caps, and gloves, to Enrique and Max for help in pretend play] Should we sing "Down by the Station"? :'''Max and Enrique''': [nods their heads in agreement, smiley] Yes! We agreed! We agreed! Choo-choo!! :'''Emmy''': [giggles] OK. [making train sounds] Chug, chug, toot, toot Go To The DragonLand! [They puts both hands on her shoulders] All aboard! Puff, puff, woo, woo, Let's go for Ride! [she imitating train noise from the down by the station song] Puff, puff, Toot, toot! Off we go! Puff, puff, Toot, toot! Off we go! :'''Emmy, Max and Enrique''': [chugging with the dragon scale as a train, puffing out smoke with the tune of the song makes the dragons on the wall come to life and made the magic tunnel and the very railroad whistle sounds on the magic buffers] Down by the station, Early in the morning, See the little pufferbellies, All in a row. See the stationmaster, Turn the little handle. Puff, puff, Toot, toot! Off we go! Puff, puff, Toot, toot! Off we go! Puff, puff, Toot, toot! Off we go! Puff, puff, Toot, toot! Off we go! ===''Prince for a Day'' [3.10a]=== :'''Enrique''': How are you two going to decide whose turn it is to clean up? :'''Emmy and Max''': I know! Rock. Paper. Scissors! ''[they both do scissors]'' Rock. Paper. Scissors! ''[they both do rock]'' ===''So Long Solo'' [3.10b]=== :''[After Wheezie's sheet music has sunken into a pond]'' :'''Zak''': Oh, Wheezie, it's all my fault! I guess I wasn't holding the music tight enough. :'''Wheezie''': It was an accident, Zak. It's okay. I know that there'll be other shows next year. :'''Zak''': Can't you play a different song? You know hundreds. :'''Wheezie''': I didn't bring any other music. :'''Zak''': Well, if you're not gonna perform, then I'm not gonna perform. :'''Wheezie''': Don't say that! You worked hard on your juggle gym, and I want you to show it off. :'''Zak''': ''[smiling]'' Really? :'''Wheezie''': ''[also smiling]'' Yeah! :''[At that moment, their badges start glowing.]'' :'''Wheezie''': Zak, look, our dragon badge! :'''Zak''': Ha, it's glowing! :'''Wheezie''': We must have really learned to... :'''Zak''': ...work together! :'''Wheezie''': Aw, Zaky! ===''Feliz Cumpleanos, Enrique'' [3.12a]=== :'''Dragons''': '''SURPRISE!''' :'''Enrique''': This is all for me? :'''Wheezie''': Absolutely... Happy birthday! :''[Everyone it celebrates happily and laughing]'' :'''Quetzal''': ''Feliz cumpleaños, Enrique.'' :'''Enrique''': ''Gracias,'' Quetzal. ''Gracias,'' everybody! :'''Quetzal''': I must go back to preparing tomorrow's lesson. Enjoy your party, niños! :'''Everybody''': See you! Bye-bye! :'''Cassie''': Will you help me pass these out, Emmy? :'''Emmy''': Definitely. :'''Wheezie''': Ooooooh, noisemakers, my favorite! :'''Zak''': ''[annoyed]'' No surprise there. :''[They all play the noisemakers and march with them, however stop when Enrique gets sad.]'' :'''Ord''': What's the matter, Enrique? Did your blower stop working? :'''Enrique''': No... These remind me of the tiny whistles we used to hide in the frosting of birthday cakes back in Colombia. :'''Emmy''': Why did you do that? :'''Enrique''': ''[laughting]'' Because it was so much fun to pull them out and lick the gooey frosting off the whistles. :''[Everyone laughs less Zak]'' :'''Wheezie''': '''LOOOOOOOVE IT!''' :'''Zak''': Sounds messy to me! :'''Enrique''': Hey! Is that a ''piñata''? :'''Cassie''': Well, it does kind of look like one. :'''Ord''': But we use it to play another really fun birthday game. :'''Max and Ord''': Pin the badge on the dragon. :'''Cassie''': Each of us gets one of these! :'''Max''': And you have to try to put it on the dragon's neck. :'''Ord''': Like a dragon badge! :'''Zak''': But the trick is you have to do it all... ''[takes out of his pouch a bandage]'' :'''Wheezie''': Blindfolded...! :'''Emmy''': Whoever gets the closest is the winner. :'''Max''': Wanna play? :'''Enrique''': Sure! :'''Ord''': Ooh, ooh, ooh, can I go first, uh? :'''Cassie''': It's a Enrique's birthday award, maybe he should be the first. :'''Enrique''': That's okay, Cassie, you can go first, Ord... :'''Ord''': Oh, goody... Thanks, Enrique. :'''Wheezie''': Ready-freddy? :''[Zak and Wheezie blindfold Ord and spin him around]'' :'''Emmy''': '''COME ON, ORD...!''' :''[Everyone is encourage for Ord]'' :'''Zak''': '''ALL RIGHT, ORD! KEEP GOING! KEEP GOING!''' :''[Ord places the badge on the dragon's foot]'' :'''Ord''': How I do? How I do? :'''Max''': ''[laugh]'' Now the dragon badge is a dragon shoe... :''[Ord laugh]'' :'''Emmy''': Now it's your turn, Enrique... :''[Ord blindfold Enrique and takes him away from the dragon, everyone is encourage for Enrique, he place the badge in the belly of the dragon and the blindfold is lifted.]'' :'''Ord''': ''[laughing]'' Wow! :'''Max''': ''[laugh]'' Now it's a belly badge... :''[Enrique laughs]'' :''[Next scene shows the group in the party wearing party hats and drinking juice from boxes. Cassie observes Enrique feeling sad again.]'' :'''Cassie''': ''[worried]'' Don't you like your party, Enrique? :'''Enrique''': ''Claro que sí'', Cassie... It's really nice of everyone to do all this for me. It's just that... I'm actually feeling kind of sad! :'''Ord''': Sad? On your birthday? :'''Wheezie''': See? I told you we should have blown up more balloons... :'''Zak''': It's not my fault I don't have as much hot air as you...! :'''Enrique''': Zak, Wheezie, the balloons are ''fantásticas''. I guess it's just... I miss the parties we used to have back in Colombia. ''[he sits sadly on a rock and his friends approach him]'' :'''Cassie''': Hmmmmmm... What do you miss about those parties, Enrique? :'''Emmy''': Because maybe talking about what you miss will help you not feel so sad. :'''Enrique''': Well... My friends and family would get together and we'd celebrate, with music and games and all kinds of food. :'''Wheezie''': Ooooooh, like a ''fiesta''! ''Fiestas'' are so festive! :'''Enrique''': Sometimes we play the stereo and the grown-ups would hand out instruments, like ''güiros'' and ''maracas'', and we dance along with the music. :''[His friends look at him listening with interest]'' :'''Enrique''': ''[sad again]'' Ah... I sure missed those parties. :'''Zak''': Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Wheezie? :'''Wheezie''': If you're thinking what I'm thinking, Zaky... :'''Cassie''': I'm thinking it too? :'''Emmy''': Definitely. :'''Ord''': What's everyone thinking, Max? :'''Emmy''': That we can make music the way they did it Enrique's parties. :'''Wheezie''': Something like this? ''[play music like a xylophone on their scales with Zak]'' :'''Enrique''': That's great, Wheezie! :''[Everyone starts dancing]'' :'''Enrique''': All we need now are some ''maracas'' and it'll be just like back home. :'''Zak''': Got any ''maracas'' and that messy pouch of yours, Wheezie? :'''Wheezie''': Let's see! Hmmmmm... No... Oh! Been looking for that... ''[reaches into his pouch and pulls out a umbrella without fabric, a boot, an accordion and throws them into the air]'' Ah... Oh... No maracas. :'''Emmy''': Maybe we can make some. :'''Cassie''': That's a great idea, Emmy... :'''Max''': Yeah! ''[he scratches the head]'' Huh... How are we gonna do that? :'''Ord''': I know... ''[goes to some trees and collects five seed pods, returns and pours the seeds into his hand]'' :'''?''':What's that? :'''Ord''': Dragon pods seeds make a really shaky sound when they're inside my pouch just like ''maracas''. ''[put the seeds in his pouch and makes it sound]'' :'''Max''': ''[laugh]'' We can't all shake your pouch, Ord... :'''Ord''': Oh, right. ''[laugh]'' :''[Everyone laughs and Wheezie drink his juice from box]'' :'''Enrique''': How about if we put the seeds inside the empty juice boxes and shake them? :'''Everyone''': '''YEAH! GREAT!''' :''[Everyone finishes drinking their juice boxes, Ord takes the seeds out of his pouch and places them in the juice boxes]'' :'''Max''': It works! Listen to this! ''[shaking his juice box]'' :'''Ord''': That's great, Max, sounds is good as my pouch! :'''Wheezie''': All right, everybody, let's ''ma-rraca'' and roll! :'''Zak and Wheezie''': And the ''uno'' and the ''dos''! :''[They both play the tune on their scales again while the others rattle their juice box maracas and dance happily to the music.]'' :'''Everyone''': '''ALL RIGHT, ZAK AND WHEEZIE! YEAH! ALL RIGHT!''' ''[laugh]'' :'''Max''': That sounded really cool! :'''Cassie''': I love played the ''maracas''... :'''Everyone''': '''YES!''' :''[Emmy laugh]'' :'''Enrique''': Me too! It reminds me of my family and friends in Colombia. Hmmm... ''[becomes sad again]'' :'''Ord''': Are you starting to feel sad again, Enrique? :'''Enrique''': A little... :''[His friends looks worried]'' :'''Wheezie''': Well then, how's about we whip up some more ''fiesta'' fun? We can do the Dragonland Conga! :'''Zak''': What do you say, Enrique? :'''Enrique''': It sounds great but... Maybe later. ''[walks away sadly under the worried gaze of his friends and Cassie runs to him]'' :'''Cassie''': Enrique, sometimes when I feel sad, I go talk with Quetzal. He helps me figure out my feelings. :'''Enrique''': Maybe I should. :''[Changes at the school in the sky]'' :'''Enrique''': A-ah... And everybody's trying so hard to make me a nice party, a-ah... And I really appreciate it... And I really want to have fun... a-ah... And make the sad feeling go away, but it keeps coming back. :'''Quetzal''': I understand, Enrique. I too sometimes feel sad. :'''Enrique''': You do? :'''Quetzal''': Sí, Enrique, and sometimes when I'm feeling especially sad. It seems as if there is only one thing that I want to do. :'''Enrique''': What's that? :'''Quetzal''': Cry... Perhaps that is the way you feel right now. :'''Enrique''': I always heard that boys... They don't... They're not supposed to... :'''Quetzal''': Ahhhhhhh... They are not supposed to cry because it is not ''macho''. :'''Enrique''': ''Sí''. :'''Quetzal''': There is no shame in crying, Enrique. Trust me, in can be a find way to let the sadness out. :''[Enrique and Quetzal hug each other and he starts crying, after a while then Enrique leaves school more calm down]'' :'''Everyone''': '''HI, ENRIQUE!''' :'''Enrique''': ''Hola'', everyone. :'''Ord''': Are you okay, Enrique? You look like you've been crying. :'''Enrique''': ''Sí'', but it's okay. Quetzal told me crying helps let the sadness out, and he was right. :''[His friends nod their heads]'' :'''Emmy''': You do seem happier now, Enrique... :'''Enrique''': ''Sí'', Emmy. I still feel a little sad, but mostly I feel like it's my birthday and I want to have fun! :'''Everyone''': ''[celebrating]'' '''GOOD!''' :'''Enrique''': So if you still want to, maybe we could do the Dragonland Conga? :'''Everyone''': ''[celebrating]'' '''YEAH! WOO-HOO!''' :'''Wheezie''': '''LOOOOOOOVE IT!''' :'''Everyone''': ''[dancing]'' ♪ Feliz cumpleaños... ♪ ''[3 times]'' :'''Enrique''': I don't feel sad anymore, Quetzal! :'''Quetzal''': ''¡Que bueno, Enrique!'' :''[Everyone laughs celebrating and dancing]'' :'''Max, Emmy and Enrique''': I wish, I wish to use this rhyme to go back home until next time. ''[Then disappear and appear back in the playroom]'' :'''Enrique''': ''Muchas gracias por todo'', Max and Emmy. :'''Emmy''': You're welcome, Enrique... :'''Max''': ''De nada...'' :'''Enrique''': You know, my ''papá'' said derby birthday cake when he got home from work... You want to come over? :'''Emmy''': Cake? :'''Max''': '''YEAH!''' :'''Emmy''': Are there gonna be tiny whistles in the frosty? :'''Enrique''': You bet! :'''Max''': I want to lick the frosting off! :'''Enrique''': Me too! :'''Emmy''': Me three! ===''Moving On'' [3.16a]=== :'''Emmy''': Hey, the dragon scale is glowing. :'''Max''': They need us in Dragon Land. ===''Something's Missing'' [3.24b]=== :'''Max''': I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Max''': I can't wait to see if there's a letter from Emmy, then Mom can read it to me. And I really can't wait till Emmy gets my letter. ===''Hello, Ms. Tipps'' [3.26b]=== ===''Just the Two of Us'' [3.29a]=== :'''Zak and Wheezie's mom''': All right, Zak and Wheezie... :'''Zak and Wheezie's dad''': You can open your eyes now... :'''Wheezie''': Ooh! I love surprises, they're so... '''SURPRISING...!''' :'''Zak''': What is it? :'''Zak and Wheezie's mom''': It's my dragon links building kit. I played with it when I was a little dragon. :'''Zak and Wheezie's dad''': We know how hard it is to play outside when Polly is tuning her weather machine. So we thought they would have fun playing with it now. :'''Wheezie''': Looooove it! Let's make a sculpture, a work of art! <hr width="80%"/> :'''Wheezie''': Who wants to go swimming? :'''Max''': Swimming? But... I've never seen a dragon links building kit before. :'''Wheezie''': Ohhhhh... ''[stroking his head]'' Who wants to be cooped up on a beautiful day like today, right, Zak? :'''Zak''': Huh?... Oh... All right! Let's play while the sun... i-i-is out! <hr width="80%"/> :'''Emmy''': So... Wheezie, what's your mom and dad's dragon links building kit look like? :'''Wheezie''': Well, it got lots of pieces you put together to make... ''[Zak covers his snout]'' :'''Zak''': Nothing. :'''Wheezie''': ''[while Zak gets angry]'' What? Oh! Yeah, nothing. Hey! '''LOOK, IT'S... A SNOWSTORM...!''' <hr width="80%"/> :'''Wheezie''': '''HOLD IT STEADY, ZAK...!''' :'''Zak''': '''I'M TRYING!''' But it's too heavy to hold up all by myself. ''[the pieces fall to the floor]'' We could use Ord's muscles. :'''Wheezie''': ''[smile]'' What if we asked Ord to help us? :'''Zak''': Okay, but only Ord. Everybody else can only see it when we're done. ===''Cowboy Max'' [3.29b]=== '''YEE-HAW!''' ===''Flip Flop'' [3.30a]=== :'''Max''': Hey! Zak is acting like Wheezie! :'''Ord''': And Wheezie is acting like Zak. :'''Zak and Wheezie''': We are? '''WE ARE!''' :'''Wheezie''': '''OOOOOH!''' :'''Zak''': '''AHHHHHHHHH!''' :'''Cassie''': Maybe Quetzal will know why this is hapenning. <hr width="40%"/> :'''Wheezie''': Let's get's over with. :'''Zak''': Oh, oh, oh!... Wait!... I want to hold it. :'''Wheezie''': It doesn't matter who holds it. :'''Zak''': ''[annoyed]'' You held it last time! <hr width="40%"/> :'''Zak''': Now we can make a wish to flip-flop back. '''HOOOOORAY...!''' ''[he flies away with Wheezie, they do two somersaults and fall to the ground]'' :'''Wheezie''': Ohhhhhhhhhhhh... :'''Emmy''': Wheezie, are you okay? :'''Max''': You're that funny color that Zak turns when you do somersaults. :'''Wheezie''': Oh, gee, Zak, is this how you feel when I make us do somersaults? :'''Zak''': If you mean all dizzy-wizzy in your head and icky-sicky in our stomach, yes... :'''Wheezie''': Oh, I'm sorry, Zaky, I didn't know it made you feel so bad. <hr width="40%"/> :'''Wheezie''': There's no one else here! This is hopeless. Zaaak... We already looked in the dailing flowers... :'''Zak''': See what I made? :'''Wheezie''': Why are you acting so silly when we have something important to do? :'''Zak''': Ooh... Can't we have fun at the same time...? :'''Ord''': Usually Zak is the one who gets upset because Wheezie acting silly... :'''Zak''': Wheezie, when you act silly sometimes, aren't you just trying to make the job fun? :'''Wheezie''': Huh, just like you're doing now. :'''Zak''': '''OHHHHHHH!''' ''[laugh]'' <hr width="40%"/> :'''Zak''': '''FOLLOW THAT STATUE!''' <hr width="40%"/> :'''Wheezie''': Woo-hoo! I feel the tickle-lickle, that beautiful statue must have granted our wish... :'''Quetzal''': So, Zak, how do you feel being back to your old self? :'''Zak''': '''LOOOOOOOVE IT!''' :''[Everyone gasps]'' :'''Zak''': Hey, I can be silly too... :''[Everyone laugh]'' ==Cast== * [[w:Andrea Libman|Andrea Libman]] as Emmy * Danny McKinnon as Max * Aida Ortega (Season 3) (2005) as Enrique (Season 3) (2005) * [[w:Chantal Strand|Chantal Strand]] as Cassie * [[w:Ty Olsson|Ty Olsson]] as Ord * Jason Michas as Zak * [[w:Kathleen Barr|Kathleen Barr]] as Wheezie ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Dragon Tales}} [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about dragons]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]] 6w5mn486bcpnlxgx7bu58fc7fu6o1wp 0 229390 3949339 3944104 2026-06-05T22:59:11Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949339 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Peppa Pig (season 1)|1]] [[Peppa Pig (season 2)|2]] [[Peppa Pig (season 3)|3-4]] [[Peppa Pig (season 4)|4-6]] [[Peppa Pig (season 5)|5-7]] [[Peppa Pig (season 6)|6-8]] [[Peppa Pig (season 7)|7-9]] [[Peppa Pig (season 8)|8-10]] [[Peppa Pig (season 9)|9-11]] | [[Peppa Pig|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Peppa Pig|Peppa Pig]]''''' (2003-present (produced); 2004-present (aired)) is a English (Series 1-present) (Series 1-present) (2003-present)-French (Series 3-8) (Series 3-10) (2009-2025) language British (Series 1-present) (Series 1-present) (2003-present)-Canadian (Series 3-8) (Series 3-10) (2009-2025)-Quebecois (Series 3-8) (Series 3-10)-American (Series 3-present) (Series 3-present) (2009-present)-Australian (Series 7-present) (Series 9-present) (2021-present) preschool 2D animated (CelAction2D (2D Flash animation/Rigged puppet animation/digital 2D animation/cutout animation/puppet animation)) educational fantasy comedy television series. The show was produced by Astley Baker Davies (Series 1-8) (Seasons 1-10) (2003-2025), Contender, Ltd./Contender Entertainment Group (Series 1-2) (Seasons 1-2) (2003-2007), Rubber Duck Entertainment (Series 2) (Season 2) (2005-2007), E1 Entertainment (Series 3) (Seasons 3-4) (2009-2010)/Entertainment One/eOne (Series 4-8) (Seasons 5-10) (2011-2024), E1 Entertainment (UK) (Series 3) (Seasons 3-4) (2009-2010)/Entertainment One (UK) (Series 4-8) (Seasons 5-10) (2011-2024), E1 Kids (Series 3) (Seasons 3-4) (2009-2010)/Entertainment One Family/eOne Family (Series 4-7) (Seasons 5-9) (2011-2023), E1 Entertainment Television (Series 3) (Seasons 3-4) (2009-2010)/Entertainment One Television (Series 4-8) (Seasons 5-10) (2011-2024), Lionsgate Entertainment (Series 3-8) (Seasons 3-10) (2009-2024), Lionsgate (UK) (Series 3-8) (Seasons 3-10) (2009-2025), Lionsgate Television (Series 3-8) (Seasons 3-10) (2009-2025), The Elf Factory (Series 5) (Season 7) (2016-2018), Gaston's Cave (Series 6-8) (Seasons 8-10) (2019-2025), Starz (Series 5-8) (Seasons 7-10) (2016-2025), Allspark (Series 6) (Season 8) (2019-2020), Allspark Animation (Series 6) (Season 8) (2019-2020), Karrot Entertainment (Series 7-present) (Season 9-present) (2021-present), Karrot Animation (Series 7-present) (Season 9-present) (2021-present), Hasbro Entertainment (Series 8-present) (Season 10-present) (2023-present), Starz Entertainment (Series 8) (Season 10) (2024-2025), and Lionsgate Canada (Series 8) (Season 10) (2024-2025), and distributed by Contender, Ltd./Contender Entertainment Group (Series 1-3) (Seasons 1-4) (2003-2010), Rubber Duck Entertainment (Series 2-3) (Season 2-4) (2005-2010), E1 Entertainment (Series 3) (Seasons 3-4) (2009-2010)/Entertainment One/eOne (Series 4-8) (Seasons 5-10) (2011-2024), E1 Entertainment (UK) (Series 3) (Seasons 3-4) (2009-2010)/Entertainment One (UK) (Series 4-8) (Seasons 5-10) (2011-2024), E1 Kids (Series 3) (Seasons 3-4) (2009-2010)/Entertainment One Family/eOne Family (Series 4-7) (Seasons 5-9) (2011-2023), E1 Entertainment Television (Series 3) (Seasons 3-4) (2009-2010)/Entertainment One Television (Series 4-8) (Seasons 5-10) (2011-2024), Lionsgate (UK) (Series 3-8) (Seasons 3-10) (2009-2025), Lionsgate Television (Series 3-8) (Seasons 3-10) (2009-2025), Allspark (Series 6) (Season 8) (2019-2020), Hasbro Entertainment (Series 8-present) (Season 10-present) (2023-present), and Lionsgate Canada (Series 8) (Season 10) (2024-2025), in association with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Nickelodeon Productions) (UK) (Series 1-present) (Series 1-present) (2003-present), [[w:Nick Jr.|Nick Jr.]] (Nick Jr. Productions) (UK) (Series 1-present) (Season 1-present) (2003-present), Nickelodeon Animation Studio (UK) (Series 1-present) (Series 1-present) (2003-present), and Five (Series 1-3) (Seasons 1-4) (2003-2010)/Channel 5 (Series 4-8) (Seasons 5-10) (2011-2025)/5 (Series 9-present) (Season 11-present) (2025-present), and was aired on Nickelodeon (Nick Jr.) in English, in the United Kingdom, and in Irish, in Ireland, and Five (Series 1-3) (Seasons 1-4) (2003-2010)/Channel 5 (Series 4-8) (Seasons 5-10) (2011-2025)/5 (Series 9-present) (Season 11-present) (2025-present) in English, in the United Kingdom, and was aired on Nickelodeon (Nick Jr.) (Series 1-present) (Season 1-present) (2003-present), and Paramount+ (Series 7-present) (Season 9-present) (2021-present) in the United Kingdom, and Ireland, Five (Series 1-3) (Seasons 1-4) (2003-2010)/Channel 5 (Series 4-8) (Seasons 5-10) (2011-2025)/5 (Series 9-present) (Season 11-present) (2025-present) in the United Kingdom, Cartoon Network (2005-2008) (Tickle-U (2005-2006)), and Boomerang (2005-2010) (Tickle-U (2005)), Noggin (shorts: 2007-2009) (TV channel)/Nick Jr. Channel (shorts: 2009-2011; full series: 2011-present), Nickelodeon (2012-present) (Weekday Mornings on Nick: The Smart Place to Play (2012-2014)/Nick Jr. (2014-2023)/Nickelodeon Preschool Block (2023-present)), Disney Channel (2015-2025) (Disney Junior on Disney Channel (2015-2017)/Disney Junior (2015-2024)/Disney Jr. (2024-2025)), Starz (Starz Kids and Family) (2016-2025), Starz Encore (Starz Encore Family) (2016-2025), Discovery Family (2016-present), Noggin (2017-2024) (streaming service), Disney+ (2019-2025), Universal Kids (Universal Kids Preschool) (2019-2023), Amazon Prime Video (2019-present), Peacock (Peacock Kids) (2020-2024), Paramount+ (2021-present), and Disney Junior Channel (2015-2024)/Disney Jr. (2024-2025) in English, in the United States, and Knowledge Network (2004-2012) (Knowledge Kids (2008-2012)), TVOntario/TVO (TVOKids) (2004-2014), Teletoon (2005-2023)/Cartoon Network (2023-present), Treehouse TV (2011-present), Nickelodeon (2012-2025), Cartoon Network (2012-2023)/Boomerang (2023-present), Disney Junior (2015-2024)/Disney Jr. (2024-2025), Disney Channel (2015-2025), The Movie Network Encore/Starz (2019-2025), The Movie Network (2018-2019)/Crave (2019-present), Disney+ (2019-2025), Amazon Prime Video Channels (2019-present), Paramount+ (2021-present), and Teletoon+ (2022-present) in English, in Canada, and TFO (2004-2014) (Mega TFO (2004-2013)/Flip TFO (2013-2014), and Mini TFO (2012-2014)), Teletoon (2005-present), Yoopa (2010-2024), La Chaine Disney (2015-2025), Super Ecran (2016-present), Disney+ (2019-2025), and Club Illico (2020-2024)/illico+ (2024-present) in French, in Canada, and Quebec, and was debuted on May 31, 2004, in English, in the United Kingdom. The show was aimed at toddlers, and from ages 2 to 5, but at adults (for banned/censored episodes, with too inappropriate moments), and from ages 19 to 22 (for banned/censored episodes, with too inappropriate moments). For the spin-off series that aired on [[w:5 (British TV channel)|5]], see ''[[Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom]]''. == Opening == === Series 1-8 (Seasons 1-10) (2003-2025) === :'''Peppa''': I'm [[w:Peppa Pig|Peppa Pig]]. ''[George Pig arrives.]'' That's my little brother, George. ''[Mama, and Papa Pig arrived.]'' And that's Mama, and Papa Pig. ''[All of the pigs start laughing.]'' :'''Narrator''': Peppa Pig. === Series 9-present (Season 11-present) (2025-present) === :'''Peppa''': I'm [[w:Peppa Pig|Peppa Pig]]. ''[George Pig arrives.]'' That's my little brother, George. ''[Evie Pig arrives.]'' That's my little baby sister, Evie. ''[Mama Pig arrives.]'' That's Mama Pig. ''[Papa Pig arrives.]'' And that's Papa Pig. ''[All of the pigs start laughing.]'' :'''Narrator''': Peppa Pig. == Seasons == ::[[Peppa Pig (season 1)|Season 1]] (2003-2004) ::[[Peppa Pig (season 2)|Season 2]] (2005-2007) ::[[Peppa Pig (season 3)|Seasons 3-4]] (2009-2010) ::[[Peppa Pig (season 4)|Seasons 4-6]] (2011-2013) ::[[Peppa Pig (season 5)|Seasons 5-7]] (2016-2018) ::[[Peppa Pig (season 6)|Seasons 6-8]] (2019-2020) ::[[Peppa Pig (season 7)|Seasons 7-9]] (2021-2023) ::[[Peppa Pig (season 8)|Seasons 8-10]] (2023-2025) ::[[Peppa Pig (season 9)|Seasons 9-11]] (2025-present) == Special episodes == ::[[Peppa's Christmas]] (2007) ::[[Peppa Pig: The Golden Boots]] (2015) ::[[Pumpkin Party (Peppa Pig)|Pumpkin Party]] (2015) ::[[Around the World with Peppa]] (2016) == Cast == * Harriette Cox - Peppa Pig * Zionn Beresford - George Pig * Holly Park - Evie Pig * Morwenna Banks - Mama Pig * Richard Ridings - Papa Pig * Frances White - Granny Pig * George Weightman - Grampy Pig * John Sparkes - Narrator == Quotes about ''Peppa Pig'' == * Since Peppa Pig is already so well-loved, we’ve seen a lot of excitement among [[Tibet]]an children – unlike other cartoon characters I’ve dubbed in the past. ** Tenzin Choekyi, a Tibetan voice actor, as quoted in [https://www.rfa.org/english/tibet/2025/04/23/peppa-pig-tibetan-language-launch/ "Peppa Pig, children’s animated series, now in Tibetan language"], ''Radio Free Asia'' (April 23, 2025) == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|0426769|Peppa Pig}} * {{Official website|http://www.peppapig.com/}} [[Category:Peppa Pig]] [[Category:2000s UK animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s UK animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s UK animated TV shows]] [[Category:Flash animated TV shows]] [[Category:UK children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:UK children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:UK preschool education TV shows]] [[Category:Cartoon Network shows]] [[Category:Boomerang shows]] [[Category:Treehouse TV shows]] [[Category:Nick Jr. shows]] [[Category:Noggin shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about pigs]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] mdkgfv3mlo66yrd4prcz0pli8qwzs62 0 229407 3949341 3947947 2026-06-05T23:02:52Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949341 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Pinky Dinky Doo|Pinky Dinky Doo]]''''' (2005–2011) is an American children's television that aired on Noggin, and Nick Jr. The series premiered on April 11, 2006, and ended on April 8, 2011. The show was aimed at kindergarteners, and elementary school children, and from ages 4 to 8. ==Episode 1 (Season 1)== ===''Where Are My Shoes? (1.1)''=== :''[First lines in the series]'' :'''Tyler''': Pinky! Pinky Dinky Doo! :'''Pinky''': What do you want, Tyler? :'''Tyler''': Have you seen my shoes? All I can find is a boot and a flipper. :'''Pinky''': So, what's wrong with that? :'''Tyler''': I've got day camp today. If I don't find my real shoes, I'm in big trouble. :'''Pinky''': Hmm, missing shoes? That gives me an idea. :'''Tyler''': Pinky, are you gonna make up a story? :'''Pinky''': Yesserooni, Positooni! ---- :'''Pinky''': So, what do you think I should wear to school today? Let's see. Should I wear a big, stinky wedge of cheese? Hmm, too cheesy. So, how about... a pretty pet pink pony? Well, I like ponies pretty much, but not pink. I know, I know, my hair's pink, my name's Pinky, but I don't like pink! So... how about my very favorite dress? Perfect. :'''Dad Dinky Doo''': Pinky, breakfast! ---- :'''Pinky''': Check this out! I couldn't find my shoes, look what I had to wear. ===''Pinky Dinky Doo and the Outer Space Fluffy Buns (1.2)''=== :'''The Dinky Doo Family''': They'll rise alright. :'''Narrator''': And sure enough they did. They began to rise and rise until... :'''The Dinky Doo Family''': AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! :''The fluffy buns rose so high, they lifted Pinky's building right up into the sky!'' :'''Panicked Person''': (looking up at the building, until he ran away screaming) :''It floated past the top of Ooh-La-La Towers, where Daffinee was having a jet ski lesson.'' :'''Pinky Dinky Doo''': Hi Daffinee. :'''Daffinee''': Oh, boy, Pinky Dinky Doo, you're not supposed to do that to the building. Honestly. Aah! :'''Pinky Dinky Doo''': Pinky's friends, Nicholas Biscuit and Bobby Boom came zipping over. :'''Nicholas''': Whoa, this is so cool, Pinky Dinky Doo! Our building is rising like crazy! :'''Tyler''': Wait a minute, Pinky. ---- :'''Mom Dinky Doo''': You put in an extra pinch of baking soda? So did I! :'''Tyler and Dad Dinky Doo''': So did I! ---- ==Episode 2 (Season 1)== ===''Tyler's Great Big Solo (2.1)''=== :'''Opera Manager''': Oh no, Who's gonna sing the solo? :'''Pinky''': Hmm, Looks like it's time for me to Think Big! :'''Bobby Boom''': Stand back everybody, Pinky Dinky Doo is gonna Think Big! :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ Come on, Pink, Think! :'''Pinky''': Whee! :''And then it happened, Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' ===''Polka Dot Pox (2.2)''=== :'''Tyler''': Ah-ah-choo :'''Pinky''': Woah, Tyler! Sounds like you're getting a cold. :'''Tyler''': Uh-huh. :'''Pinky''': Are you gonna miss your trip to the Museum really old Stuff? :'''Tyler''': Uh-huh. :'''Pinky''': Wow, Tyler. You'll never get to see the dinosaurs. :'''Tyler''': I know. I'm so... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' Frustrated! ''(blow tissue)'' That's how feel when you don't get to do what you want. ---- :'''Principal Dip Dong''': Attention, this is Principal Dip Dong speaking. Miss McGanza's class please do NOT come to school today! Everybody has the Polka Dot Pox! That is all. :'''Pinky''': My whole class has the same thing I do? Now that something you don't see every day. I'm so ''(trumpet fanfare)'' frustrated! My friends won't see me & Mr. Guinea Pig making popcorn I know will make them feel better if they could. Hmm, Looks like it's time for me to Think Big! ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ Come on, Pink Think! :'''Mom Dinky Doo''': Pinky, be sure to straighten up when you finish thinking big. :'''Pinky''': Ok, mom. :''Then it happened, Pinky had a big idea.'' :'''Pinky''': Whee! :''Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' ---- :'''Pinky''': Was it Princess Pinky? :'''Tyler''': No! There Was No Princess in Your Story Today! :'''Pinky''': Was it Football Pinky? :'''Tyler''': No! You Didn't Play Football in Today's Story! :'''Pinky''': Was it Polka Dot Pox Pinky? :'''Tyler''': Yes! you've got polka dot pox then you have to stay home for Show-and-Tell. :'''Pinky''': You're right, little brother. ''(cheering)'' :'''Pinky''': That's exactly what happened. ''[Mr. Guinea Pig turns off the video game.]'' I'm glad my story made you feel... ''[Pinky sneezes and she caught a cold. Mr. Guinea Pig had a popsicle stick to make Pinky feel better.]'' :'''Tyler''': Uh-oh, I guess it's my turn to make up a story to help you feel better, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. Can you make up a story too? (final lines) ==Episode 3 (Season 1)== ===''Pinky and the Grumpy Alligator (3.1)''=== :'''Tyler''': Hey, Pinky. :'''Pinky''': What is it, Tyler? :'''Tyler''': Do you ever feel Grouchy? :'''Pinky''': Sometimes like if I whack my big toe or can't get a puzzle piece to fit. :'''Tyler''': There's a new kid at my school. His name is Johnny Gelatinhead. And he's not in a good mood, He's not very nice either. He's really.. ''(trumpet fanfare)'' grumpy. ===''The Horn and Antler Club (3.2)''=== :''It turns out there was lots of rules at the Horn & Antler Club. Rule Number 1... '' :'''Pinky''': Woah! :''Was you had to wear Horns & Antlers. As Pinky walked through the room, She saw 3 animal heads on the wall, A Bongo, A Rhinoceros, And an Elephant.'' :'''Pinky''': Huh? :''All those grownups clicking their antlers together looked so, so-- Oh, What's that Word?'' :'''Tyler''': Wait a Minute, Pinky. I know, Pinky. All those grownups really.. ''(trumpet fanfare)'' ridiculous. That's when something is really, really silly :'''Pinky''': That's right, Tyler. They'd looked.. ''(trumpet fanfare)'' ridiculous. ---- :'''Jenkins''': You may come out when you've stopped laughing ==Episode 4 (Season 1)== ===''Tyler Dinky Doo and the Pirate Crew (4.1)''=== :'''Pinky''': Hmm, Looks like it's time for me to Think Big! ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''All''': Come on, Pink, Think! :''Then it happened, Pinky had a big idea.'' :'''Pinky''': Arr! Arr! :''Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' ===''Pinky Dinky Doo and the Missing Dinosaurs (4.2)''=== :'''Pinky''': Time out. I wonder what's making that noise? I think it's coming from the Museum Really old Stuff. Come on, let's go. :'''Tyler''': Sounds kind of Weird. Wait a Minute, Pinky. What are they gonna do, Pinky? :'''Pinky''': I don't know, I Gotta make it up. Oh, I know! They were going to the Museum to look for clues. :'''Tyler''': You mean they're gonna.. ''(trumpet fanfare with bubbles)'' investigate. ---- :'''Pinky''': Hmm, Looks like it's time for me to Think Big! :'''Tyler''': Uh-oh, Watch out guys! :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Both''': Come on, Pink, Think! :''Then it happened, Pinky had a big idea.'' :'''Pinky''': Whee! Yeah! :''Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' ==Episode 5 (Season 1)== ===''Pinky Dinky Doo and the Pizza Artist (5.1)''=== ===''Pinky Dinky Doo and the Party Animals (5.2)''=== :''Pinky decided to dance it was fun.'' :'''Pedro the Penguin''': Miss Pinky dear, I'm so glad to come to our... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' celebration. :'''Tyler''': Hey, Pinky! :'''Pinky''': What, Tyler? ''(trumpet fanfare)'' :'''Tyler''': Celebration. That's a big happy party for somebody special. :'''Pinky''': That's Right, Little Brother. ==Episode 6 (Season 1)== ===''Tyler's Tall O'Meter (6.1)''=== :'''Pinky''': Mr. Guinea Pig, What are you doing? :'''Tyler''': He's watering me to keep me grow. Mom waters the plant to make them grow tall, So Why not me? :'''Pinky''': Is it working? :'''Tyler''': No, I'm just getting wet. Pinky, I'm sick of getting small, I wanna be really, really big. I wanna be.. ''(trumpet fanfare)'' gargantuan. That means Super-Duper Big and tall. ---- :'''Pinky''': I'll get it. Hmm... What should we eat? Wow! How about a chocolate covered canoe? Nah, too canoe-y. How about this dancing duck? :♪ I'm a quack quack here, I'm a quack quack there, I'm a duck, quack quack ♪ :'''Pinky''': Nah, too upstage-y. Hey! How about some frosted brainiac flakes? Perfect. :''It was a good thing Pinky ate a good breakfast, because by afternoon, she was playing basketball at Hoopty-Doop Stadium. And by evening, she was so gigantic, she picked apples from the treetops in Smack Dab Park. Yep, Pinky was thrilled to be tall, and getting taller every minute. Pinky was growing so fast, the Get Tall O'Meter started to shimmy and shake.'' ---- :'''Tyler''': Hey, Mr. Guinea Pig. :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Hello! :'''Tyler''': That's a great plan! I'm just hope I'm tall enough. :''Tyler zip-zam-zoomed to the bedroom, where the Get Tall O'Meter was still going kerplooey.'' :'''Tyler''': I'm supposed to pull that lever, but it's pretty high. ''[grunting]'' Hey, I'm just the right side. :'''Pinky''': Whoa, I think I'm getting smaller. I think I'm shrinking. :'''Tyler''': I saw Pinky on her way down, but where'd she go? :'''Pinky''': Yoo-hoo! Looking for me? ---- :'''Tyler''': Great story. I was just the right size to reach the lever and fix The Get-Tall-O'Meter. :'''Pinky''': Yeah, way to go, little brother. :'''Tyler''': You never know when being small could solve a... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' gargantuan problem. Sounds like game time. :'''Pinky''': Say "Cheese, please". :'''Pinky, Tyler, & Mr. Guinea Pig''': ''[together]'' Cheese, please. ===''Pinky Dinky Doo and the Cloud People (6.2)''=== :'''Pinky''': Hmm, what a... ''(fanfare)'' commotion. :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Make it Stop! :'''Pinky''': Looks like it's time for me to Think Big! :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Stand back, Everybody, Pinky's gonna Think Big! :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Boy Cloud and Girl Cloud''': Come on, Pink, think! :''And then it Happened, Pinky had a big idea.'' :'''Pinky''': Whee! :'''Cloud Moose''': My cheese sandwich. :'''Pinky''': Sorry. :''Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' ---- :'''Girl Cloud''': Deal? :'''Boy Cloud''': Deal. :''The clouds were so happy, they gave Pinky and Mr. Guinea Pig their own personal rainbows.'' :'''Pinky''': Cool rainbows. :'''Boy Cloud and Girl Cloud''': Bye! :'''Pinky''': And that's exactly what happened, pretty much, the end. ==Episode 7 (Season 1)== ===''Tyler Dinky Doo's Big Boo (7.1)''=== :'''Tyler''': Trick or Treat. :'''Vampire''': You are so cute. And adorable. :'''Tyler''': But I wanna be scary. :'''Vampire''': Then You should make a scary noise. Like this. Blah. :'''Tyler''': Blah. Like that? Thank you. :'''Vampire''': The "blah" is kind of scary. But you. You are so cute. :'''Tyler''': Wait a Minute, Pinky. I told you goo-goo fruity isn't scary. I want my costume to be.. ''(fanfare)'' terrifying. You know, Really, really scary. ---- :'''Mad Scientist''': Or should I.. I don't know. Think Big? Perfect! ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ Come on, Pink, Think! :''And then it happened, the Mad Scientist had a big idea.'' :'''Mad Scientist''': Whee! :''The Mad Scientist knew just what to do.'' ===''Pinky and the New Teacher (7.2)''=== :'''Miss Zero''': Earth? Not Squeedrop Prime? Oh, I must've made a wrong turn! ---- :'''Bobby Boom''': There must be someway you can stay. :'''Pinky''': Hmm, Looks like it's time for me to Think Big! :'''Nicholas''': Heads up, She's gonna Think! :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''All''': Come on, Pink, Think! ==Episode 8 (Season 1)== ===''Tyler to the Rescue (8.1)''=== :'''Tyler''': That's my sister! We have to help her. :'''Gorilla''': Ooh Ooh, Pretty pink hair. :'''Pinky''': You think so? I really don't like pink. I know, I know. My hair is pink. My name is Pinky. but I Don't... like... PINK! :'''Gorilla''': Don't like pink? Silly girl :'''Tyler''': Let my sister go! :'''Gorilla''': Me want pretty pink hair! Me like! :'''Tyler''': Wait wait, Don't go bananas. I challenge you into an Arm-Wrestling Competition and if I win, I can take my sister home. :'''Gorilla''': Me win, me keep. ---- :'''Tyler''': Whew! I guess it's a tie. Now what am I gonna do? :'''Pinky''': That gorilla is just too strong. :'''Tyler''': Guess I'll have to use my brain, not my muscles. It's time for me to think big! ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Pinky & Gorilla''': ''[together]'' Come on, Tyler, Think! :''And then it happened, Tyler had a big idea.'' :'''Tyler''': Whee! :''Tyler Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' ===''Shrinky Pinky (8.2)''=== :'''Lane Puppytray''': Thanks, Pinky. :'''Pinky''': Hey, I'm next in line, no butting. :'''Lunch Teacher''': Excuse me, Mrs. Dinky Doo. There's no butting. Go to the end of the line. :'''Pinky''': But, but... :'''Lunch Teacher''': No buts, Mrs. Dinky Doo. You've done enough butting for now. :''And did you know what? Lane just stood there and let Pinky get in trouble.'' :'''Pinky''': I'm so mad! :''Then things got worse. During the next week, did Lane break Pinky's favorite flower pen, tear up Pinky's homework, or squash Pinky's newest bluest shoes?! Unfortunately, for Pinky, the answer was all of the above. Pinky decide to talk over to Mr. Guinea Pig.'' :'''Pinky''': Mr. Guinea Pig, what am I gonna do? You're lucky. You're so little, no one would ever pick on you. Hey. I got an idea. I'll make myself much, much smaller. :'''Tyler''': Wait a Minute, Pinky. You mean you're gonna.. ''(trumpet fanfare)'' shrink? :'''Pinky''': Righteronni. I'm going to.. ''(trumpet fanfare)'' shrink. Because I'm smallest Mr. Guinea Pig. ---- :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Well. Hello there, Pinky. Pink Lemonade? :'''Pinky''': Thanks. :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': What's wrong? Is Lane still bothering you? :'''Pinky''': Not anymore. She can't even see me. :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': I know how that feels. So, what's the problem. :'''Pinky''': Well, I have great friends like Nicholas and Daffinee, but now I'm so teeny, they can't see me. :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Sounds like being small fixes some problems, but makes new problems, too. :'''Pinky''': Yeah, what am I gonna do? :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Stand back Pinky, it Looks like it's time for me to think big! :''Then Mr. Guinea Pig Started to think, usually they have normal Guinea pig's size brains But when you need it to think big!'' :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Pinky''': Come on, pig, Think! :''And then it happened, Mr. Guinea Pig had a big idea.'' :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Whee! :''Mr. Guinea Pig knew just what to do.'' :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Being a guinea pig-size works for me, but you need to be regular size, Pinky, so you can enjoy your friends. ==Episode 9 (Season 1)== ===''Tyler's Too Cool Game (9.1)''=== :'''Pinky''': Tyler? Hello? Anybody Home in there? :'''Tyler''': I'm sending help my Lumpy People. Help me :'''Pinky''': Man, you're really-- What's that word means Thinking about one thing and nothing else? ''(trumpet fanfare)'' :'''Tyler''': Engrossed? :'''Pinky''': Yeah, that's it! ---- :'''Tyler''': Gravy boy that must save Lumpy people! ===''Come Home, Little Guinea Pig (9.2)''=== :'''Tyler''': Huge Mess. That happened before you had your big idea. ==Episode 10 (Season 1)== ===''Pinky and the Super Spaghetti Knot (10.1)''=== :'''M.C. Frog''': We're gonna need a bigger tent. ===''Back to School is Cool (10.2)''=== :'''Pinky''': Come on, Little Brother. It's the 1st day of School time to get dressed. :'''Tyler''': Not Going. :'''Pinky''': You are too! :'''Tyler''': I'm not! :'''Mom Dinky Doo''': Tyler, Pinky hurry up. The bus will be here soon. :'''Tyler''': Not Going! :'''Pinky''': Wow, Tyler. You must be-- What's that word means You're Really, Really Worried? :'''Tyler''': You mean... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' apprehensive? :'''Pinky''': That's it! Hmm, You feeling ''(trumpet fanfare)'' apprehensive about the first day of School. That gives me an idea. :'''Tyler''': Pinky, are you gonna make-up a story? :'''Pinky''': Yesserooni, Positooni! ---- :''Pinky decide to think big! This time her head didn't get bigger, her hair did.'' :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Kids''': Come on, Pink, Think! :''And then it happened, Pinky had a big idea.'' :'''Pinky''': Whee! Whee! :''Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do... kind of.'' ==Episode 11 (Season 1)== ===''Tyler Dinky Doo's Sporting News (11.1)''=== :'''Tyler''': Tired after soccer. That happened before you had your big idea. ===''Dragon Needs a Sippy Cup (11.2)''=== :'''Big Purple Dragon''': ''(gasps)'' Visitors. I'm Delightful. I'm very lonely down here. Let me get you something to drink. No! :'''Pinky''': Look out! :'''Big Purple Dragon''': Oh, my lovely furniture. It's all Wet! ==Episode 12 (Season 1)== ===''Tyler Dinky Doo and the Legend of Twigfoot (12.1)''=== :''OK, So one day, at smack dab park. Tyler was having whole lot of fun playing leapfrog with his Lulu. Whenever Tyler tumbled down to the grass, Grass stains all over his hands and knees. Then, Tyler and Lulu made mudpies.'' :'''Tyler''': Hi, Daffinee. Wanna Mudpie? :'''Daffinee''': Ew, That's some.. Ew, You need a bath really bad. You look... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' hideous. :'''Tyler''': Wait a minute, Pinky. ''(trumpet fanfare)'' hideous. That means really, really gross. I don't like when all the stories going into the bathtub. :'''Pinky''': Oh, no. This story is about someone who naver takes a bath. He gets as dirty as he wants to every day. :'''Tyler''': Really? What Happens Next? :'''Pinky''': Let's see. :''After a full exciting leapfrogging, grass stains, mudpies. Tyler said goodbye to Lulu and headed home. On his way, A walnut fell onto his dirty hair.'' :'''Tyler''': Ow. :''Tyler's hair was so dirty. That a walnut tree was started to grow right there on top his head. People started staring him Because he looked so funny.'' :'''Tyler''': What are you staring at? :''When Tyler finally got home.'' ---- :'''Tyler''': Even friend won't play with me. I am not a twigfoot. I am a little kid, and I'm sick of being... ''(fanfare)'' hideous! I'm gonna go home to take bath right now. Oh no! I can't fit through the door anymore. What am I Gonna Do? :'''Pinky''': Hmm, Looks like it's time for me to Think Big! ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Both''': Come On, Pink, think. :''Then it Happened, Pinky had a big idea.'' :'''Pinky''': Whee! :''Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' :'''Pinky''': It’s street cleaning day. We'll get the street sweeper to give you a good cleaning. Hey P., over here! :'''Tyler''': I Need a good cleaning! :'''P.''': Hey, aren’t you that Twigfoot Kid? :'''Tyler''': Not for long! Let me have it! ===''Pinky and the Big Rainy Day (12.2)''=== :'''Pinky''': Bye kitties! Bye doggies! What a nice way to end a rainy day. No more... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' cacophony. :'''Pinky''': And that's exactly what happened, pretty much, the end. ---- :'''Pinky''': Let's play "What is that sound?" ♪ What is that sound? ♪ You're gonna hear 3 different sounds and only 1 is from my story. :'''Tyler''': That'll be the sound of cats and dogs making a lot of noise. :'''Pinky''': That's right, little brother. Let's play. :''(rooster crows)'' :'''Pinky''': So what do you think? Is that the sound of cats and dogs making a lot of noise? :'''Tyler''': No! :''(rooster crows)'' :'''Tyler''': That's a rooster. :''(siren wails)'' :'''Pinky''': What do you think? Is that the sound of cats and dogs making a lot of noise? :'''Tyler''': No! :''(siren wails)'' :'''Tyler''': That's a fire engine. :''(cats meowing, dogs barking)'' :'''Pinky''': Or is that the sound of cats and dogs making a lot of noise? :'''Tyler''': Yeah! :'''Pinky''': That's it. That is the sound of cats and dogs making a lot of noise. :''(cats meowing, dogs barking)'' :'''Pinky and Tyler''': ''(cheering)'' :''[Mr. Guinea Pig turns off the video game.]'' :'''Pinky''': I'd love making up stories. I'll bet you can make up a story too. ==Episode 13 (Season 1)== ===''Pinky's Awful Good Day (13.1)''=== :'''Pinky''': Looks like it's time for me to Think Really Super Extra Big Idea! :'''Nicholas''': Look out everybody, Pinky is gonna Think Really Super Extra Big! :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''All''': Come on, Pink, Think! :''And then it happened, Pinky had her biggest idea of the day!'' :'''Pinky''': Whee! :''Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' ===''Tyler's Neat-O Tuxedo (13.2)''=== :'''Pinky''': Hmm, Looks like it's time for me to Think Big! :'''Pedro the Penguin''': Oh dear, Do Be Careful Miss Pinky. Everyone, stand clear, Miss Pinky's about to Think Big! :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Pedro the Penguin''': Come on, Pink, Think! :''And then it Happened, Pinky had a big idea.'' :'''Pinky''': Whee! :''Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' ==Episode 14 (Season 1)== ===''Pinky's Wintery Dintery Doo (14.1)''=== :'''Daffinee''': I planned my pool party weeks before it snowed. ===''Pinky's Great Big Concert (14.2)''=== :'''Pinky''': That's a perfect way to buttering a bagel. :'''Tyler''': I'm not buttering a bagel I'm doing... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' experiment. That's when you try a different things until you find the one that works. ==Episode 15 (Season 1)== ===''The Great Big Cheese Chase (15.1)''=== :'''Pinky''': More crumbs? :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': No, fuzz, and it's yellow, and it smells like cheese. :'''Pinky''': So, our... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' culprit must be a fuzzy yellow... :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Whistler. :'''Pinky''': A-ha. :'''Nicholas''': Listen, there it is again. :''Pinky and her friends waved goodbye to Pappy Pepperoni and took off after the fuzzy yellow whistler. They ran super fast to the park, until they saw Boomer still did looking really sad.'' ===''Try It, You'll Like It... Pretty Much (15.2)''=== :'''Tyler''': Could I please be excused? :'''Mom Dinky Doo''': Don't you wanna try butter knot squash, Tyler? :'''Tyler''': No thank you. :'''Dad Dinky Doo''': There you go, A no thank you for butter knot squash. Try that. You might found out it's... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' scrumptious. :'''Tyler''': Scrumptious means really yummy butter knot squash doesn't look... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' scrumptious to me it does look squash. Yuck! ---- :'''The Fish head''': Try my perky pickle patties. ==Episode 16 (Season 1)== ===''Pinky Dinky Duplicate (16.1)''=== :''All of sudden Pinky had a Million chores to do.'' :'''Pinky''': Hmm. How am I gonna get all of this done? I know, I have just the thing. I can use my Pinky Dinky Duplicator and.. ''(trumpet fanfare)'' duplicate myself. :'''Tyler''': Wait a Minute, Pinky. I know that word. ''(trumpet fanfare)'' Duplicate is when make a copy of something, so instead of having 1, or 2, or 3, or 4 or. :'''Pinky''': Righteronni, Little Bro. ---- :'''Pinky''': I can use a duplicator to make copies of myself, and the copies can do all my chores. :''So, Mr. Guinea Pig pressed the start button...'' :'''Voice''': 1 Pinky. 2 Pinkies. 3 Pinkies. :''...and 3 new copies of Pinky popped out.'' :'''Pinky''': 3 Pinkies. Perfect! You can do my homework. :'''Pinky Copy #1''': Okay. :'''Pinky''': You can make my bed. :'''Pinky Copy #2''': Okay. :'''Pinky''': And you can help Tyler find the bananas. :'''Pinky Copy #3''': Okay. ---- :''So, Mr. Guinea Pig hit the start button on the duplicator...'' :'''Voice''': 1 Pinky. :''...but nothing seemed to happen. So he hit it again...'' :'''Voice''': 2 Pinkies. :''and again...'' :'''Voice''': 3 Pinkies. :''and again...'' :'''Voice''': 4 Pinkies. 5 Pinkies. Many, many pinkies. :''and still nothing, nothing, nothing.'' :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': How can I get a machine's blast? :''So, Mr. Guinea Pig gave up. And as soon as he left, the duplicator began to pop out pinkies: lots and lots of pinkies. Each Pinky began doing chores. First, they did Pinky's homework, then they made Pinky's bed. But they were too many them, and they began to make a big mess.'' :'''Mom Dinky Doo''': Thank you, Pinky. :'''Pinky Copy''': You're welcome. :'''Mom Dinky Doo''': Thank you, Pinky. :'''Pinky Copy''': You're welcome. :'''Mom Dinky Doo''': Thank you, Pinky. :'''Pinky Copy''': You're welcome. :'''Pinky Copies''': You're welcome. ''[keeps saying "You're welcome" a million times]'' :'''Mom Dinky Doo''': Oh, my! That's a lot of pinkies! :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Uh-oh. Quick, the duplicator made too many pinkies, and now there's in big trouble! :'''Pinky''': ''[Pinky becomes mad]'' What?! Oh, no! :'''Mom Dinky Doo''': Pinky!!! :'''Pinky''': What a mess! This will teach me to never... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' duplicate myself again! :'''Tyler''': Pinky, come quick! :'''Pinky''': Uh-oh. ===''I Want That (16.2)''=== :'''Daffinee''': Pinky, I got to find Spendy Wendy! Do Something! :'''Pinky''': Hmm, Looks like it's time for me to Think Big! ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Daffinee''': Come on, Pink, Think! ==Episode 17 (Season 1)== ===''Boom! Sonic Boom! (17.1)''=== :'''Daffinee''': Help! My bed's making me up! ===''Pinky the Pet (17.2)''=== :''So, Pinky followed the frog to a place where the plants are green and lash, and the lily pads are way big.'' :'''Pinky''': Cool. :''The frogs had a beautiful... What's that word for a place where people or animals live?'' :'''Tyler''': Wait a minute, Pinky. I know, it's... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' habitat. A habitat is a place where people or animals live. :'''Pinky''': Right you are, little brother! The frogs had a beautiful... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' habitat. ==Episode 18 (Season 1)== ===''Guppy Training Day (18.1)''=== :'''Pinky''': Where are your swim trunks? We're going swimming at Daffinee's remember? :'''Tyler''': I don't know, Pinky. I just don't feel like swimming. :'''Pinky''': Why not? The pool is so much fun. :'''Tyler''': It is fun but.. :'''Pinky''': But what, Tyler? :'''Tyler''': Daffinee's pool is so much bigger the one at smack dab park. :'''Pinky''': It's really, really big. :'''Tyler''': Yeah, It's... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' Gigantic. ===''Pinky and the Babysitter (18.2)''=== :'''Becky the Robot''': I'm Becky ==Episode 19 (Season 1)== ===''Tyler's Lucky Sock (19.1)''=== :'''Pinky''': Wait, Don't give up. It's time to try something else, like Think Big! :'''One Sock the Pirate''': Shiver me timbers! :'''Tyler''': Look out, Pinky's gonna think big! :'''One Sock the Pirate''': Arr! :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Tyler, Mr. Guinea Pig & One Sock the Pirate''': Come on, Pink, Think! :''And then it happened, Pinky had a big idea.'' :'''Pinky''': Whee! :'''One Sock the Pirate''': Arr! Now that me something you don't see everyday. :''Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' ===''Tyler's Best Sleepover Ever (19.2)''=== :'''Pinky''': Huh? Hello? Oh. Hey, Mr. Guinea Pig. How's your first sleepover going? :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Great. Except for the Sleepover Part. :'''Pinky''': What is it Mr. Guinea Pig? :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Go to sleep is the next thing on Harold's ''(trumpet fanfare)'' Agenda. and I can't go to sleep. I miss you and Tyler too much, What am I Gonna Do Pinky? :'''Pinky''': Hmm, Looks like it's time for me to Think Big! :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Look out, Pinky's gonna Think Big! :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Come on, Pink, Think! :''And then it happened, Pinky had a big idea.'' :'''Pinky''': Whee! :''Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' :'''Pinky''': I've thought of something that'll make you feel like you're home with Tyler and me, go to the window and listen. ==Episode 20 (Season 1)== ===''Pinky's Big Talent (20.1)''=== :'''Pinky''': I still don't know what I'm really good at. So... I guess it's time for me to Think Big! :'''Nicholas''': Look out, Pinky's gonna Think Big! :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''All''': Come on, Pink, Think! :''And then it Happened, Pinky had a big idea.'' :'''Pinky''': Whee! Whoo-Hoo-Hoo! :''Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' :'''Pinky''': That's it! The bullseye pillow is for me to land on after I think big! That's what I'm really really god at thinking big! ===''Pinky Dinky Re-Doo (20.2)''=== :'''Pinky''': We're trying to figure out where Mr. Guinea Pig left his trumpet. ==Episode 21 (Season 1)== ===''Tyler's Super Family (21.1)''=== :''OK, so one day. The President of great big city needed help, And he knew just who to call.'' :'''Pinky''': Hello, Mr. President, How's going? :'''Mr. President''': ''(on the phone)'' ''(screams)'' :'''Pinky''': If I'm not mistaking, The President seems upset. (she gains a serious look on her face) What's wrong, Sir? :'''Mr. President''': No time to explain, Meet me right away at the Hall of... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' Xylophones. :'''Tyler''': Wait a minute, Pinky. I know that word. ''(trumpet fanfare)'' Xylophone is musical instrument it goes like this, And sounds like this. (Mr. Guinea Pig plays a five-tune on a xylophone) :'''Pinky''': ''(giggling)'' Wow, nice Mr. Guinea Pig. :'''Tyler''': What happens next? :'''Pinky''': Let's see... (the story continues) Pinky knew this was a job for... THE SUPER DINKY DOOPERS!!! Cartoony Man, (Dad Dinky Doo spins-around transforming into Cartoony Man who has a Super Advanced Number 2 Pencil) with a Super Advanced Number-Tooned Pencil that can doodle anything anytime. The Super Ears of Mom, (Mom Dinky Doo spins around transforming into the Super Ears of Mom.) with her super-mom hearing that all kids know and all evil-doers dread. Snore-Boy (Tyler spins around, transforming into Snore-Boy) with his super-snore power. (Snore-Boy snores.) And Piggy G. :(Mr. Guinea Pig spins around transforming into Piggy G. He has a green backwards cap and black shades and a microphone in his hand. He does a little dance as a spotlight shines on him beginning a rap song.) :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Yo, I'm Piggy G. Yo, pop and shout, there is no doubt bad guys will pout... yo just WATCH OUT! (does a karate kick) HYAH! :''At last but not least... (Pinky Dinky Doo herself spins around transforming into Pinky Dinky Super Brain) Pinky Dinky Super Brain! Who never met a problem she couldn't solve by thinking big.'' :'''Mom Dinky Doo''': Come on everybody, let's go! The president needs us! :'''Pinky Dinky Super Brain''': Hmm... How should we get there? (A thought bubble shows the Super Dinky Doopers in a bathtub) In a big ol' bathtub? (the bathtub disappears) Nah! too tubby. (The thought bubble shows the Super Dinky Doopers on a gigantic hamster wheel) Or maybe in a giant-sized hamster wheel? (The Super Dinky Doopers start running on the hamster wheel as it disappears) Nope, too hamstery. (The Super-Duper Minivan Transportation appears in the thought bubble) So how about the Super Minivan of Transportation? (The thought bubble disappears) Perfect! :'''Piggy G.''': Let's roll! :''The Super Dinky Doopers headed to meet the president. But when they got there.'' :'''Snore Boy''': Holy hole in the ground, The Hall of ''(trumpet fanfare)'' Xylophones is gone. :'''Mr. President''': That's why I called you. Everyone knows that Today is my birthday. :'''Super Dinky Dupers''': Happy Birthday Mr. President! :'''Mr. President''': It won't be happy now. I was supposed to have a... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' xylophone concert for my birthday. (sobs) but now they're all gone! And my birthday is ruined! :'''Pinky Dinky Super Brain''': Hold on, Mr. President. Nobody's birthday is going to be ruined while the Super Dinky Doopers are on the job. :'''Cartoony Man''': Right, let's look for clues! ---- :'''Dad Dinky Doo'''(Cartoony Man): Never fear! (pulls out his "Super Advanced Number 2 Pencil of Drawing") Cartoony Man's here! One black hole coming up! I'll just adjust my super pencil of drawing... to the right setting! (adjusts his pencil to the right setting and begins to draw a black hole, once he finishes he runs offscreen) :'''Pinky Dinky Doo'''(Pinky Dinky Super Brain): See ya, Mr. President! :'''Mr. President''': Good luck. :''The Super-Duper Minivan of Transportation zoomed through Outer Space, and in no time at all landed on planet Harmonium'' :'''Pinky''': We come in peace. :'''Alien 1''': Well, that's a relief. :'''Pinky''': We're looking for some missing ''(trumpet fanfare)'' xylophones. [The aliens move their eyes left and right and put xylophones behind their backs] :'''Alien 2''': Uh? We don't know anything about that, we're very nice aliens. :'''Tyler''': Then can you tell us where to find the Alien ''(trumpet fanfare)'' Xylophone Moving Company? :'''Alien 1''': Never heard of that either. :'''Tyler''': (whispering) Those are aliens are not telling the truth. :'''Pinky''': Why do you say that? :'''Tyler''': Because they won’t look in the eye with any of their eyes. :'''Aliens''': ''(whistling)'' :'''Tyler''': Looks like I have to use my snoring super power to get them to tell the truth, Cover your ears, guys. ''(snoring)'' :'''Alien 1''': Oh boy, we are in such a trance! :'''Alien 2''': We have no choice to start telling you the truth. :'''Tyler''': Where's the Alien ''(trumpet fanfare)'' Xylophone Moving Company? :'''Alien 1''': In the great valley of ''(trumpet fanfare)'' Xylophones. :'''Alien 2''': Nice trumpet. :'''Pinky''': Come on, everybody. (her super phone rings) Wait, it’s my super phone. [she took it out] Hello? :'''Mr. President''': Have you found the missing instruments? :'''Pinky''': Not yet, Mr. President. :'''Mr. President''': ''[on the phone]'' ''(screams)'' :'''Pinky''': Come on let’s go. :'''Dad Dinky Doo''': The moving company’s locked up tight. :'''Mom Dinky Doo''': Wait a minute, wherever there are ''(trumpet fanfare)'' xylophones there should be... Music! I'll just activate my super mom hearing. (uses her super mom hearing and hears xylophones) I hear music, follow me! (they rush over to the Hall of Xylophones covered in a huge paper towel) The music is coming from this mountain. :'''Tyler''': Wait a minute, this isn't a mountain at all. :'''Pinky''': This must be the Hall of.. ''(trumpet fanfare)'' Xylophones covered in a giant paper towel, let's pull it off! :'''Dad Dinky Doo''': We can't, there's a big lock holding it down. :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': (breaks the lock) Hyah! Yeah. [Dad Dinky Doo pulls the paper towel off the Hall of Xylophones] :'''Pinky''': Quick, inside! (they go into the Hall of Xylophones where aliens are having a party) Hold it! Stop the Music! This is looks like a very nice party but... Aren't those our instruments? :'''Alien 1''': We’re sorry, we know it was wrong to take them without asking. :'''Alien 2''': We just.. borrowed them because it’s our president’s birthday. ===''Pinky and the Ice Cream Babies (21.2)''=== :'''Pinky''': Looks like it's time for me to Think Big! :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Look out, Pinky's gonna Think Big! :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Come on, Pink, Think! :''And then it happened, Pinky had a big idea.'' :'''Pinky''': Whee! Whoo-hoo-hoo! :''Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' :'''Pinky''': I'll send the babies to a really good ice cream school so they can learn how to do their jobs. Then, they'll know how to be ''(fanfare)'' professional. ==Episode 22 (Season 1)== ===''Mr. Guinea Pig and the Big Bone (22.1)''=== :'''Tyler''': :'''Pinky''': What's wrong, Little Brother? :'''Tyler''': I can't fix all the Moo-Moo Miggy Monsters race track. :'''Pinky''': You mean you can.. ''(trumpet fanfare)'' assemble it? :'''Tyler''': I know that word, Pinky. it means to fit all the pieces together. :'''Pinky''': That's right, Tyler. ---- :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Can I keep it please? Can I, huh, please? ===''Mr. Guinea Pig, Superstar (22.2)''=== :'''Pinky''': I'm so sad. :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Hi Pinky What's Wrong? :'''Pinky''': I'm trying to Call Nicholas & Daffinee said I can come over and Play, But None of them are around. I have nobody to play with. :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Really? I will Play. In fact, I'll Play for you. :''Mr. Guinea Pig has to decide something to cheering up.'' :'''Tyler''': Wait a Minute, Pinky. I know what a.. ''(trumpet fanfare)'' ukulele is? Is like a little guitar. It sounded like this. :'''Pinky''': That's right, Little Brother. ==Episode 23 (Season 1)== ===''Pinky and the Pink Phenomenon (23.1)''=== :''So Pinky, Tyler, and Mr. Guinea Pig decided to go outside and check things out. Pinky noticed something strange. The sidewalk was pink, and the street was pink.'' :'''Pinky''': What's with all this pinkness?! Pink is not exactly my favorite color, you know. :'''Tyler''': Look, Pinky. The Really Red Apartments are now the Really Pink Apartments! :'''Pinky''': ''(gasps)'' What happened to all the Red?! :'''Tyler''': This sure is a... ''(fanfare)'' phenomenon. :''Pinky wanted to get away from all this pink. So, they decided to visit Pinky's friend, Daffinee, at Ooh-La-La Towers.'' :'''Pinky''': The whole Ooh-La-La Towers apartment building was pink! :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': It's a Pink Nightmare! :'''Pinky''': I know, I know. I don't like pink! I don't want to see... ''[A pink taxi splashed Pinky, Tyler, and Mr. Guinea Pig with pink water. Pinky, Tyler, and Mr. Guinea Pig got all wet.]'' more pink! :''Now Pinky was really upset. So upset that her face turned pink, and pink steam was coming out of her ears.'' :'''Pinky''': (Sadly) Pink! We've got to figure out this pink... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' phenomenon. :''So, Mr. Guinea Pig whipped out his magnifying glass. First, Mr. Guinea Pig saw normal tree-colored trees, but when he looked again...'' :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': That tree in Smack Dab Park just turned pink. ---- :'''Pinky Flamingo''': Everybody's Sad, And it's all my fault. I'm so sorry. :'''Pinky''': Hmm, Looks like it's time for me to Think Big! :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Look out, Pinky's gonna Think Big! :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''All''': Come on, Pink, think! :''And then it happened, Pinky had a big idea.'' :'''Pinky''': Whee! :''Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' :'''Pinky''': The newspaper said if the monkey sings while standing on his head, it'll rain and that'll wash the pink paint off Great Big City. So, all we need is a singing monkey. There you go. ===''Two Wheel Dreams (23.2)''=== :'''Daffinee''': Sorry. It's not my fault. Mitsy's out of control! ---- :'''Pinky''': Tyler, you're gonna have to think big! :'''Tyler''': Who, Me? :'''Pinky''': Yes, you! And hurry. :'''Tyler''': Ok, it's time for me to think big! :'''Announcer''': Stand back everyone, Tyler's about to think big! :'''Tyler''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Come on, Tyler, Think! Woah! :''And then it happened, Tyler had a big idea.'' :'''Tyler''': Whee! :''Tyler Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' :'''Tyler''': I'll borrowed Mr. Guinea Pig's roller skates back on my bike just like training wheels. Hey, Mr. Guinea Pig, can I borrow your wheels please? :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Certainly ==Episode 24 (Season 1)== ===''Go to Bed, Tyler! (24.1)''=== :'''Genie''': Your Wish is my Command, Abra-ca-dabra, abra-ca-zed. Look out everybody, there goes your bed! ---- :'''Genie''': Huh? Where am I? What Happened? :'''Tyler''': You fell asleep right in the middle of my wish. :'''Genie''': I'm sorry. I can't get any sleep cause my lamp is to small. And because I'm so sleepy, I've always... ''(fanfare)'' bungle wishes. I'm a Junior Genie Failure. What am I Gonna Do? :'''Tyler''': Hmm, Looks like it's time for me to Think Big! ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Genie''': Come on, Tyler, Think! :''And then it happened, Tyler had a big idea.'' :'''Tyler''': Whee! :''Tyler Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' :'''Tyler''': I know the perfect place for Genie to live. Pinky's Taj Mahal Dollhouse. It has a lots of room Mr. Genie ===''Mr. Guinea Pig's Loose Tooth (24.2)''=== :''So they decide to visit the Tooth Fairy.'' :'''Bobby Boom''': But How are we gonna get there? :'''Pinky''': The Tooth Fairy is inside a Tooth Shaped Castle. Right in the center of a great big.. ''(trumpet fanfare)'' labyrinth. :'''Tyler''': Wait a Minute, Pinky. I know what that means. A.. ''(trumpet fanfare)'' Labyrinth is a great big Twisty Turney maze just like this. :'''Pinky''': That's right, Tyler. ==Episode 25 (Season 1)== ===''Think Pink (25.1)''=== :'''Grandma''': Nope, Too Bossy. Or maybe I should Think Big! :'''Nicholas''': Think Big? what's that? :'''Grandma''': You'll see. ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Nicholas''': Come on, Grandma Dinky Doo, Think! :'''Saber-toothed Guinea Pig''': ''(screams)'' PINK!! :'''Grandma''': Whee! :''That gave Grandma Dinky Doo her very 1st big idea. And she knew just what to do.'' ===''Tyler's First Flight (25.2)''=== :'''Gus''': A little guy like me, has no place in a great big sky. ==Episode 26 (Season 1)== ===''Pinky and the Castle of Cards (26.1)''=== :'''Bunnies''': Cha-Cha-Cha. Cha-Cha-Cha. ===''Dad's Special Shirt (26.2)''=== :'''Mr. Lintrap''': My whirligig washing machine is going crazy, and I can't get anything clean! ==Episode 1 (Season 2)== ===''Pinky Thinky Doo! (1.1)''=== :'''Pinky''': Give me all your monkeys. Go fish! :'''Tyler''': But I don't wanna go! :'''Pinky''': Huh! What's wrong little brother? Where don't you want to go? :'''Tyler''': Soccer Practice. I don't wanna go. :'''Pinky''': But Tyler, You love soccer, You live for soccer. You even had a Soccer ball pillow on your bed. :'''Tyler''': Yeah, Well... :'''Pinky''': What happened? Yesterday you couldn't wait to get to Soccer Practice. :'''Tyler''': I know, Pinky. But Yesterday when I went to practice, I found out that I'm no Good. :'''Pinky''': No Good? No Way! :'''Tyler''': Yes Way! I wasn't the fastest runner, I couldn't kick the ball, And I forget that I wasn't use my hands. I'm Terrible. I Quit. :'''Pinky''': Mmm... You sound ''(trumpet fanfare)'' discouraged. :'''Tyler''': That means I'm Feeling like I'm Not Good Enough. ---- :'''Grandma Dinky Doo''': I think so too, Pinky. What are you waiting for? Let her rip! ♪ If you have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ You think and think and think and think, and suddenly You know! ♪ Come on, Pink, Think! ===''Big Brain Block (1.2)''=== :'''Pinky''': Wait a minute, Tyler. I really don't like pink. I know, I know. My hair is pink, and my name's pinky, but I Don't... like... PINK! (duck quacks) ---- :'''Queen Pinky''': Hmm, Looks like it's time for me to Think Big! ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Daffinee & Nicholas''': ''[together]'' Come on, Queen Pink, Think! :'''Tyler''': And then it happened, Queen Pinky had a big idea. :'''Queen Pinky''': Whee! :'''Tyler''': Queen Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do. ==Episode 2 (Season 2)== ===''Tooting Trunk (2.1)''=== :'''Tyler''': Tyler Dinky Doo is at the Goal line! Tyler Score :'''Pinky''': Hey! Tyler. :'''Tyler''': The crowd goes wild. Whoo-hoo! :'''Pinky''': Tyler, I'm trying to concentrate. Could take your soccer ball Outside? :'''Tyler''': But it's Raining Out. :'''Pinky''': Hmm. Well, Do you wanna color with me? Soccer in the house is kind of ''(trumpet fanfare)'' disruptive. :'''Tyler''': Wait a minute, Pinky. I know what ''(trumpet fanfare)'' disruptive means. That's when you bothered someone when they're trying to do something else. ===''In the Dark (2.2)''=== :'''Pinky''': Wait a minute, Tyler. Your Moo-Moo Miggy Monsters are favorite. :'''Tyler''': I like miggies, but I don't like going to the Movie Theaters. :'''Pinky''': Really. How Come? :'''Tyler''': They're Big, Loud, and Dark, Dark, Dark. :'''Pinky''': Hmm.. You're Scared? :'''Tyler''': I'm not scared I'm... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' reluctant. That's when someone really, really, really doesn't want to do something. ---- :''Sir Guinea Pig, the Brave Explorer, had discovered a new land, by day, beautiful and lovely, but then, night fell.'' :'''Sir Guinea Pig, the Brave Explorer''': Uh-oh, dark! Excuse me. :''[Pinky turns on the light with a light switch.]'' :''Sir Guinea Pig, the Brave, looked... a little nervous.'' :'''Sir Guinea Pig, the Brave Explorer''': Oh, look at the time. Methinks I'll go and be brave under my bed. :''With the dark, dark, darkness, Brave Sir Guinea Pig became... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' reluctant.'' ---- :'''Sir Guinea Pig, the Brave Explorer''': She's Not? How Come? :'''Pinky''': Because.. Hit it boys! it's time to Think Big! :'''Pirates''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ :'''Pinky''': ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Pirates''': Come on, Pink, Think! :''And then it Happened, Pinky had a big idea.'' :'''Pinky''': Whee! :''Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' ==Episode 3 (Season 2)== ===''Stinky Pinky Doo! (3.1)''=== :'''Pinky''': Tyler, what are you doing? :'''Tyler''': I'm Getting Ready to flush out Johnny's Favorite Cap. :'''Pinky''': Tyler, You can't do that. :'''Tyler''': Oh yeah, Why Not? :'''Pinky''': A: You'll Get in Trouble. B: You'll Stop up the toilet and then Get in trouble. And C: You need to treat others the way you want to treated. And not get into trouble. :'''Tyler''': But, Pinky, He called my super space socks stinky in front of the whole class. Everyone was looking at me. :'''Pinky''': Sounds like you were ''(trumpet fanfare)'' mortified. :'''Tyler''': I know that word. That means when I'm feeling really embarrassed because of what Johnny said. ---- :''At lunchtime, while Nicholas Biscuit was telling jokes...'' :'''Nicholas''': A duck, he quacks me up! That's not my monkey! What's black and white and red all over? A zebra with a diaper rash. :''The jokes were so funny that Pinky started laughing really hard.'' :'''Pinky''': A zebra with a diaper rash! :''And then it happened. Daffinee got a whiff of Pinky's breath.'' :'''Daffinee''': Whew, someone's breath smells like an old garbage truck. :'''Nicholas''': Is that what that is? :'''Bobby''': Wow, I thought a skunk got in the school. :''Pinky suddenly realized that it was her bad breath, but hoped that no one knew.'' ===''Kooky Cook-Off (3.2)''=== :'''Pinky''': What's Up, Little Froggy? :'''Tyler''': My Class is Doing a Play about Frogs :'''Pinky''': Great! How's it Going? :'''Tyler''': Not Great. :'''Pinky''': How Come? :'''Tyler''': Pinky, it's a Big Mess Because no one is working together. I don't sound like a froggy, Jackson's Hogging all the flies, And Lulu Just sits on her lily pad like a Lump. :'''Pinky''': Hmm. Sounds like you three need to ''(trumpet fanfare)'' collaborate. :'''Tyler''': I know. That means We need to work together like a team. ==Episode 4 (Season 2)== ===''Speed Rocket (4.1)''=== ===''The Great Biscotti (4.2)''=== :'''Pinky''': Hey, Tyler, How's the Moo-Moo Miggy Mobile Coming Along? :'''Tyler''': Not so good, Pinky. There are so many pieces and I can't figure out How to put them back together. :'''Pinky''': Hmm. You could ask Dad, he's an... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' expert at putting together model cars. :'''Tyler''': Hey, I know what.. ''(trumpet fanfare)'' expert means. That's a person who's really, really good at something. ==Episode 5 (Season 2)== ===''The Trip Not Taken! (5.1)''=== :'''Pinky''': Hey, Tyler. Are you ready for your last Soccer Game of the year? :'''Tyler''': Yep. :'''Pinky''': Are you excited that Grandma Dinky Doo is coming to watch you play? :'''Tyler''': Yep. :'''Pinky''': I like when Grandma Comes to see us. :'''Tyler''': Yep. :'''Pinky''': Even though it's a-- Hmm, What's that word that means a really long trip? :'''Tyler''': Yep. I know. I think the word is ''(trumpet fanfare)'' Journey. ===''Always Ask First! (5.2)''=== :'''Pinky''': I can't find it. Hey, Tyler, You're wearing my favorite hat. :'''Tyler''': My head was cold. ==Episode 6 (Season 2)== ===''Burpzilla (6.1)''=== :'''Tyler Tornado''': Are you going to think big Super-Duper Doo? :'''Super Duper Doo''': Even better, Tyler Tornado. I'm going to plug into what Burpzilla thinks. ♪ If someone's got a problem and has trouble they can't face ♪ ♪ Just listen to their problem and put yourself in their place ♪ :'''Mr. G.''': Come on, Super Duper Doo! ''(trumpet fanfare)'' Concentrate! :'''Super Duper Doo''': Whee! :''And all of sudden, Super Duper Doo got a big idea.'' :'''Super Duper Doo''': I think I know where that sound is coming from. ===''Happy Burp-Day! (6.2)''=== :'''Tyler''': He's got it. Got it. Got it. Got it! :'''Pinky''': What's Up, Tyler? :'''Tyler''': Got it. It's Jackson's Party Today. He's Got it. :'''Pinky''': He's Got what? :'''Tyler''': Jackson Collects Moo-Moo Miggy Monsters, And I'm Gonna Give him one He doesn't already have. :'''Pinky''': Oh, I get it. You want your present to be... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' unique, right? :'''Tyler''': Let me think. ''(trumpet fanfare)'' Unique means Something is one of a kind. Yeah! ==Episode 7 (Season 2)== ===''Tyler's Story Box Disaster (7.1)''=== :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Somebody do Something! :'''Pinky''': Looks like it's time for me to Think Big! Stand back, Everybody. ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''All''': Come on, Pink, Think! ===''Balloony Feet (7.2)''=== ==Episode 8 (Season 2)== ===''Big Blob of Talk (8.1)''=== :'''Pinky''': What's up, Tyler? :'''Tyler''': My teacher Ms. Nifty says I need to be a better listener. :'''Pinky''': Sorry. I wasn't listen, What did you Say? :'''Tyler''': Pinky! :'''Pinky''': Kidding. :'''Tyler''': Ms. Nifty told me that I make too much noise at the lunch table at the cafeteria. :'''Pinky''': So, Do you? :'''Tyler''': Well, yeah. I have to be loud to be heard over the Big Blob of Talk. :'''Pinky''': Do you mean everybody is laughing and shouting and making noises and creating a-- Oh, What's that word that I'm looking for? :'''Tyler''': Do you mean a... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' Hullabaloo? That means A lot of noisy excitement. ---- :'''Nicholas''': It's time for you to Think Big Pinky! :'''Pinky''': Nicholas, I think it's time for me to listen big! ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I use my ears to listen, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Nicholas & Daffinee''' ''[together]'' Listen, Pinky, Listen! :'''Pinky''': Whee! :'''Blobby''': Blah, blah, blah. :''And then it happened, Pinky heard the noisy sound of someone fussing.'' :'''Pinky''': Woo-Hoo! Woo! Woo-Woo-Woo! Whee-Oo! :''It sounded like a far away... ''(fanfare)'' hullabaloo, and it was coming from a cafeteria. Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' ===''Vicki Chicken (8.2)''=== :'''Pinky''': Woah! Whatcha Doing, Little Brother? :'''Tyler''': I'm trying to make a book out of my finger paintings. :'''Pinky''': What a great Idea. :'''Tyler''': I'm almost done. I Just have to-- (duck quacks) Oh No. No. :'''Pinky''': Take a deep breath, Little Brother. You seem to be-- What's that Word When Someone makes you feel Upset or Confused? :'''Tyler''': Hey, I know that word. It's... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' flustered. ==Episode 9 (Season 2)== ===''The Thundering Thesaurus (9.1)''=== :'''Cavegirl Pinky''': In day skylight. at Night sky dark. ===''The Pinkys Rock (9.2)''=== ==Episode 10 (Season 2)== ===''The Mystery Planet (10.1)''=== :'''Captain Doo''': Now that's something you don't see everyday. :'''Tyler''': The planet looks like a frowny face! :'''Lieutenant Daffinee''': Well, why would we want to go there? :'''Major Biscuit''': It looks sad. ===''Octopus in Tap Shoes (10.2)''=== :'''Daffinee''': Yeah. Check it out, Joe Bangles, Pinky's gonna Think Big! :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Both''': Come on, Pink, Think! :'''Pinky''': Woo! :''And then it happened, Pinky had a big idea.'' :'''Pinky''': Woo! Whee! Woo-Hoo! :''Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' ==Episode 11 (Season 2)== ===''Pinky Dinky Rex (11.1)''=== :'''Pinky''': Hey, Tyler. Why are you Eating Now? I thought you were going to Lulu's house for Dinner. :'''Tyler''': I have to fill up now. Lulu and her family are ''(trumpet fanfare)'' vegetarians! Do you know what that means, Pinky? :'''Pinky''': Sure I do, A ''(trumpet fanfare)'' vegetarian is someone who doesn't eat any meats. ===''Puppy-Go-Seek (11.2)''=== :'''Tyler''': Oh No! :'''Pinky''': What's wrong, Tyler? :'''Tyler''': I accidentally Hit a button on Mom's computer, And the screen went Kerblooie! (duck quacks) :'''Pinky''': Tyler, calm down. You're not gonna think straight if you ''(trumpet fanfare)'' panic. :'''Tyler''': Pinky, I know what ''(trumpet fanfare)'' panic means. It means When you're so worried and upset that you feel a little out of control! ==Episode 12 (Season 2)== ===''Pop the Corn (12.1)''=== :'''Tyler''': Hey, Pinky! Pinky, You'll never guess what. :'''Pinky''': What's up, Tyler? :'''Tyler''': I supposed to say the whole alphabet out loud in class tomorrow. What am I gonna do? :'''Pinky''': But What's bad about that, Tyler? You know the alphabet. :'''Tyler''': Yeah, But what if when I get up in front of the class, I can't do it or I mess Up? (duck quacks) :'''Pinky''': Oh, I get it. You don't know what's going to happen and you're in-- What's that Word that means The way you but you don't know how something won't turn out? :'''Tyler''': I know! ''(trumpet fanfare)'' Suspense! ---- :'''Mr. Guinea Pig, the Game Show Host''': All right. Daffinee, Pinky, and Bobby... Uh-oh! It looks like we need to clear some of this popcorn out of the way! But how should we do it? :'''Pinky''': Should we use a giant vacuum to suck it all up? :'''Mr. Guinea Pig, the Game Show Host''': Nah, too vacummy. :'''Daffinee''': Should we pour caramel over it and make it into a giant popcorn ball? :'''Mr. Guinea Pig, the Game Show Host''': Nah, too sticky. ---- :'''Mr. Guinea Pig, the Game Show Host''': As I was saying, it's time for the final question. Pinky, if you get this question right, you'll win! What is the main ingredient in corn patties in corny sauce with a side of corn? :''But Pinky was too nervous. This was just too much... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' suspense. She couldn't think of the right answer. Pinky Dinky Doo knew it was time to think big.'' :'''Mr. Guinea Pig, the Game Show Host''': Stand back, studio audience! Pinky's gonna think big! :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ Come on, Pink, think! ===''Lord of the Pies (12.2)''=== :''So, they took just a tiny taste at first of coconut clambo cream pie. And boy, was it fantastic!'' :''[Pinky and Nicholas are eating a coconut clambo cream pie while Pinky and Nicholas are eating a blueberry pie.]'' :''(pig snorts)'' :''(chicken clucks)'' :'''Nicholas''': Man, I'm full. I hope it's okay that we broke the chief's rule. :'''Pinky''': That rule seemed kind of... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' arbitrary, didn't it? :'''Nicholas''': Yeah, I bet the chief just made that rule up for no reason. ''(hiccup)'' ''[Nicholas has hiccups.]'' :'''Pinky''': Whoa, Nicholas! That was a really loud... ''(hiccup)'' ''[Pinky has hiccups.]'' What's making us... ''(hiccup)'' :'''Nicholas''': I can't ''(hiccup)'' think of a single reason. :'''Pinky''': Yeah, it's so... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' arbitrary. :''Just then, they saw the chief coming.'' :'''Nicholas''': Oh, no! He's gonna be mad that we broke the rule! :'''Pinky and Nicholas''': '''HIDE!!!''' :''So, Pinky and Nicholas hid.'' :'''Pinky''': What do we do now? :'''Nicholas''': I don't know! I can't stop... ''[Pinky and Nicholas can't stop hiccuping.]'' Somebody do something! :''Pinky Dinky Doo knew that it was time to think big.'' :'''Nicholas''': I'd better look out, Pinky's gonna think big! ==Episode 13 (Season 2)== ===''Great Big Nature (13.1)''=== :'''Pinky''': Mom and Dad Dinky Doo want to know if we want to go to the park. :'''Tyler''': I can't Pinky, I'm very busy. :'''Pinky''': Tyler, you've already seen that show about a zillion times. :'''Tyler''': Yeah. :'''Pinky''': Don't You Want To Go Outside And Play? We Can Go for a Walk and Maybe have an-- Oh, What's that word that means Doing Something Exciting where Anything can Happen? :'''Tyler''': I know. ''(trumpet fanfare)'' Adventure. ===''Monkey Town (13.2)''=== :'''Monkey Mommy''': Oh, little monkeys, time for bed! :'''Big Sister Monkey''': Good night, Coco Monkey Doll. :'''Baby Monkey''': Good night. See you in the monkey morning. :'''Tyler''': Pinky. :''[Day becomes night in Monkey Town.]'' :''(wolf howls)'' :'''Pinky''': Yeah? :'''Tyler''': You sure say ''monkey'' a lot! :'''Pinky''': That's because my story's about monkeys. :'''Tyler''': Oh, okay. :''[Night becomes day in Monkey Town.]'' :''(rooster crows)'' :''The next morning, Big Sister Monkey and Baby Monkey raced to the beach.'' ==Episode 14 (Season 2)== ===''Loch Mess Lobster (14.1)''=== ===''Super Doo and Traffic Too (14.2)''=== :'''Super Duper Doo''': Hmm, I think it's time for me to connect! ♪ If someone's got a problem and has trouble they can't face ♪ ♪ Just listen to their problem and put yourself in their place ♪ :'''Mr. G.''': Come on, Super Duper Doo, concentrate! :'''Super Duper Doo''': Whoo! Whee! :''And all of sudden, Super Duper Doo got a big idea. Super Duper Doo knew just what to do.'' ==Episode 15 (Season 2)== ===''The Two Daffinees (15.1)''=== :'''Bobby Boom''': These Two Daffinees are so ''(fanfare)'' competitive. :'''Tyler''': Somebody do something! :'''Pinky''': Looks like it's time for me to Think Big :'''Nicholas''': Hey, everybody. Pinky Dinky Doo's gonna Think Big! :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''All''': Come on, Pink, Think! ===''Hot Hot Hot (15.2)''=== ==Episode 16 (Season 2)== ===''The Legend of Big Blue (16.1)''=== :'''Mom Pinky Doo''': Tyler, Are you ready going for a hike? :'''Tyler''': Uh, sure, Mom. ===''Ponytail Power (16.2)''=== :'''Tyler''': Man, Oh Man. I Just had it. Where did it go? :'''Pinky''': What’s the Matter, Tyler? ==Episode 17 (Season 2)== ===''Pinky's Perfect Present (17.1)''=== :'''Nicholas''': Woah! it sure is pink. :'''Pinky''': I know, I know. My hair is pink. and my name is pinky. but I Don't... like... PINK! (duck quacks) but I don't wanna hurt P. Piddy's feelings I just need to find the way to be ''(trumpet fanfare)'' gracious, Oh man, what we will do? ===''Pinky Squeaks (17.2)''=== :'''Tyler Von Whoopty Doo''': How am I gonna figure out all this noise? :'''Mr. Hush-Hush''': Somebody do something! :'''Sherlock Pinky''': Hmm, Looks like it's time for me to Think Big! :'''Mr. Hush-Hush''': All right! Sherlock Pinky's gonna Think Big! :'''Sherlock Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Both''': Come on, Pink, Think! ==Episode 18 (Season 2)== ===''Great Big Bean Festival (18.1)''=== :'''Tyler''': But we don't know where to go. :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Somebody do something! :'''Pinky''': Everyone, I think it's time for me to Think Big! :'''Tyler''': Go for it Pinky! Give her room! Come on, you can do it! :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''All''': Come on, Pink, Think! :'''Pinky''': Woah! :'' While Pinky floated around, she saw the hill of beans from another point of view.'' :'''Pinky''': Woo-hoo! :''And then it happened, Pinky had a big idea.'' :'''Pinky''': Whoo-hoo! Woo! Woo-Woo-Woo! :''Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' ===''Are You My Mummy? (18.2)''=== ==Episode 19 (Season 2)== ===''Tyler's Silly Shirt (19.1)''=== :'''Postman Guinea Pig''': None of the houses our ''(fanfare)'' distinctive! Somebody do something! :'''Pinky''': Hmm, Looks like it's time for me to Think Big! :'''Tyler''': Oh boy, Pinky's gonna Think Big! :'''Daffinee''': Gave her room, folks. :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''All''': Come on, Pink, Think! ===''Pinky's Missing Page (19.2)''=== ==Episode 20 (Season 2)== ===''Tipsy Topsy (20.1)''=== :'''Jinkins''': The Princess said "Sorry, her bad". :'''Pinky''': Jinkins I don't understand the Princess was speak at very loud ''(fanfare)'' volume when she's indoors and a very soft ''(fanfare)'' volume when she's outdoors. :'''Nicholas''': No one would understand her. :'''Jinkins''': Oh I wish someone would do something. :''Pinky Dinky Doo knew it was time to think big!'' :'''Nicholas''': Stand back, Everybody, Pinky's gonna think big! ===''Growing Up Stretchy (20.2)''=== :'''Pinky''': That's exactly right, Let's look. Was it "Earmuff Pinky"? :'''Earmuff Pinky''': Cozy ears. :'''Pinky''': "Director Pinky"? :'''Director Pinky''': Lights, camera, actorooni! :'''Pinky''': "Farmer Pinky"? :'''Farmer Pinky''': E-I-E-I-O. :'''Pinky''': "Sherlock Pinky"? :'''Sherlock Pinky''': A-ha! A clue. ==Episode 21 (Season 2)== ===''Squeedorp Grand (21.1)''=== :''So Pinky, Daffinee, Nicholas, and Tyler started hiking. It was really hard because they were carrying so much stuff.'' :'''Daffinee''': I think my backpack is getting heavier. :'''Pinky''': Man, who would've thought crayons could be so heavy? :'''Nicholas''': Maybe... Ms. Zero was right. :'''Tyler''': Ugh, all my miggy monsters don't seem so... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' essential anymore. :'''Ms. Zero''': Looks like you guys need to take a break. :'''Daffinee''': Are we there yet? :'''Mom Dinky Doo''': Sorry, but we're only halfway there. ===''The Pinky-Riffic Hat (21.2)''=== :'''Pinky''': Now that's something you don't see every day. Hi, Ms. Zerogoblot. :'''Ms. Zero''': Well, hello, Pinky Dinky Doo! :'''Pinky''': That hat's really different. It's so... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' quirky. :'''Ms. Zero''': What? Oh, this old thing? Why, everyone on Squeedorp Prime has one. :'''Alien #1''': Morning! :'''Alien #2''': Morning! :'''Ms. Zero''': I can't wait to see your hat, Pinky. I know it'll be... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' quirky. See you at school! ---- :'''Pinky''': That's exactly right, Let's look. Was it "Astronaut Pinky"? :'''Astronaut Pinky''': Boldly go and explore. :'''Pinky''': "Quirky Hat Pinky"? :'''Quirky Hat Pinky''': I'm Pinky-Riffic! :'''Pinky''': "Farmer Pinky"? :'''Farmer Pinky''': E-I-E-I-O. :'''Pinky''': "Sherlock Pinky"? :'''Sherlock Pinky''': A-ha! A clue. ==Episode 22 (Season 2)== ===''Tyler and the 4 M's (22.1)''=== :'''Tyler''': What am I gonna do? :'''Pinky''': Hmm, sounds like it's time for me to Think Big! :'''Tyler''': Yes! :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Hey, everyone, Pinky Dinky Doo's gonna Think Big! :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Tyler, Mr. Guinea Pig''': Come on, Pink, Think! :'''Pinky''': Whee! Woo-Hoo! Yeah! :''And then it Happened, Pinky had a big idea. Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' :'''Pinky''': You know what, I think you would be a little more... ''(fanfare)'' comfortable on the little guppies team. ===''A Promise is a Promise (22.2)''=== :''Trusty Tyler was a great helper. Everyone said Trusty Tyler was the most... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' dependable puppy wrangler they ever had. ''[Day becomes night in Giddyupy Puppy Ranch.]'' Until one day... ''[Night becomes day in Giddyupy Puppy Ranch.]'''' :''(rooster crows)'' :'''Tyler''': Okay, cute frisky puppies. Are you ready for your... Huh? ---- :'''Tyler''': Pinky, are you gonna Think Big? :'''Pinky''': You got it, Little Brother. ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Tyler''': Come on, Pink, Think! :'''Pinky''': Whee! :''And then it happened, Pinky had a big idea. Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' ==Episode 23 (Season 2)== ===''What's Bugging Tyler (23.1)''=== :'''Baby Purple Dragon''': Mommy! :'''Mommy Purple Dragon''': My baby! :'''Pinky''': Bye-bye, little dragon. :'''Baby Purple Dragon''': Bye-bye, Pinky. Thank you for taking me back to my own... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' environment. :'''Pinky''': We'll miss you, dragon. :'''Mommy Purple Dragon''': Don't worry, you'll see him again when you come back to play Jungle Bungle Ball. Dragons love that! ===''Mr. Guinea Pig's Museum (23.2)''=== :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': My museum is a mess my ''(fanfare)'' collection is everywhere! Somebody do something! :'''Pinky''': Hmm, Looks like it's time for me to Think Big! :'''Tyler''': Don't worry, Mr. Guinea Pig. Pinky's gonna think big! :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Both''': Come on, Pink, Think! ==Episode 24 (Season 2)== ===''Teeny Weeny Waste (24.1)''=== :'''Mr. G.''': I don't suppose it got it from, GREAT BIG LAKE!!! ---- :'''Mayor Flip-flop''': Somebody do Something! :''So Super Duper Doo knew that is time to Think Big!'' :'''Tyler Tornado''': Stand back, Mr. G, Super Duper Doo's gonna Think Big! :'''Super Duper Doo''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Tyler Tornado & Mr. G''': ''[together]'' Come on, Pink, Think! :'''Super Duper Doo''': Whee! :''And then it happened, Super Duper Doo had a big idea. Super Duper Doo knew just what to do.'' ===''Pinky and the Duck (24.2)''=== :'''Miss Duckfeet''': Okay, who’s the artist? :'''Nicholas''': (laughs) (gasps) :'''Miss Duckfeet''': Nicholas Biscuit, please see me when we’re back at the classroom. :'''Nicholas''': But, but… :'''Miss Duckfeet''': Nicholas. :'''Pinky''': Miss Duckfeet had heard Nicholas laugh and thought that he had drawn the… (trumpet fanfare) doodle. :'''Nicholas''': Oh, man! :'''Pinky''': I don’t want Nicholas to get in trouble and I don’t want Miss Duckfeet to be upset. I just wasn’t really paying attention to what I was drawing. Somebody should do something! Oh! Wait a minute, that should be me! :'''Nicholas''': Hey, everyone, Pinky's gonna Think Big! :'''Pinky''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''All''': Come on, Pink, Think! :'''Pinky''': Whee! :''As Pinky floated around, she saw Nicholas look really sad. And then it Happened, Pinky had a big idea. Pinky Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' ==Episode 25 (Season 2)== ===''Great Big New Year (25.1)''=== :'''Big Sister Monkey''': I think it's time for me to Think Big! :'''Baby Monkey''': Goo-Goo, I mean, Watch Out, everybody, Big Sister Monkey's going to think big! :'''Big Sister Monkey''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''All''': Think, Monkey, Think! ===''Pinky's Happy Doo Year (25.2)''=== :'''Burpzilla''': No more characters to meet. :'''Tyler''': No more made-up stories. :'''Mr. Guinea Pig''': Somebody do something! :'''Pinky''': Looks like it's time for me to think big! ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''All''': Come on, Pink, Think! ==Episode 26 (Season 2)== ===''Pinky's Silliest Story (26.1)''=== :''So Pinky, Tyler, and Mr. Guinea Pig blasted off for the moon.'' ---- :'''Pinky''': I just remembered that this made-up story is totally... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' random, and we can do anything we want! Ready? :'''All''': And that's exactly what happened, pretty much, the end. ===''Tyler's Big Idea (26.2)''=== :''Okay, so one day in Great Big Science Laboratory, Pinky and Tyler were visiting their good friend Professor Boom.'' ---- :'''Tyler''': Pinky. :'''Professor Boom''': Woah! Pinky, look at Tyler! :'''Tyler''': Woah! ''[soon as Tyler's head start to go big]'' :'''Pinky''': Stand back professor, Tyler gonna use his... ''(trumpet fanfare)'' imagination and think big! :'''Tyler''': ♪ If I have a problem, don't know which way to go, ♪ ♪ I think and think and think and think, and suddenly I know! ♪ :'''Pinky, Professor Boom & Mr. Guinea Pig''': Think, Tyler, Think! :'''Tyler''': Woah! Whee! :''And then it happened, Tyler had a big idea.'' :'''Tyler''': Woo-hoo! :''Tyler Dinky Doo knew just what to do.'' ---- :'''Tyler''': Big idea. :'''Pinky''': Right! First, Tyler couldn't think of a story, then he had his big idea, then we went into Tyler's imagination. And that's exactly what happened, pretty much. ''[Mr. Guinea Pig turns off the video game.]'' I'd love making up stories, and I bet you can make up a story too. :''[Last lines in the series]'' {{center/s}} ==Cast== *[[w:India Ennenga|India Ennenga]] - Pinky Dinky Doo (Season 1-2) *Felix Chrome - Tyler Dinky Doo (Season 1) *Juan Van Michaelangelo - Mr. Guinea Pig (Season 1) *Heather Dilly - Mom Dinky Doo (Season 1) *[[w:Jim Jinkins|Jim Jinkins]] - Dad Dinky Doo (Season 1-2) *Justin Riordan - Nicholas Biscuit (Season 1) *Kalif Jenkins - Bobby Boom (Season 1) *Carolina Hernandez - Daffinee Toilette (Season 1) {{center/e}} {{center/s}} ==Season 2 cast== *Allison Wachtfogel - Tyler Dinky Doo *John Rogers - Mr. Guinea Pig *Lindsie Van Winkle - Mom Dinky Doo *Katherine Rose Riley - Nicholas Biscuit *Ralph Peavy - Bobby Boom *Anabelle Berrido - Daffinee Toilette {{center/e}} ==External links== {{wikipedia}} *{{imdb title|0804425|Pinky Dinky Doo}} [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Flash animated TV shows]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]] [[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]] [[Category:CBC shows]] [[Category:HBO shows]] [[Category:HBO Max shows]] [[Category:Nick Jr. shows]] [[Category:Nickelodeon shows]] [[Category:Noggin shows]] [[Category:TVOntario shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] k3l26g5yym3impkfunl0qs6pi8zjdzz 0 229922 3949494 3919752 2026-06-06T08:22:51Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Dialogue */ 3949494 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery|Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]]''''' is a 2015 direct-to-DVD animated comedy mystery film, and the 24th film in the direct-to-video series of Scooby-Doo films. The film features Scooby and the gang solving a mystery in KISS World. It was released on on July 21, 2015 by Warner Home Video. {{film-stub}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === === {{w|Fred Jones}} === === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === ==Dialogue== :'''Daphne''': Starchild, do you mind if I ask where you get your super powers from? :'''Starchild''': ''[plays the guitar]'' Rock and Roll. It powers everything in KISSteria. :'''Velma''': ''[plays the bass guitar]'' I don't know. Maybe I can find friends with normal interests. :'''Demon''': Be careful with that bass. :'''Velma''': Because it's made from alien technology? :'''Demon''': Because it costs more than your house. :''[Velma is surprised and stops playing the bass guitar]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Crimson Witch''': Give me... :'''Demon''': Rock. We get it. <hr width=50%> :'''Catman''': ''[grabs the dispenser from the Crimson Witch]'' Look, she hid gas dispensers in her cape. :''[Crimson Witch chases Shaggy with a diamond and Scooby]'' :'''Spaceman''': ''[grabs the Crimson Witch's belt]'' And here's the magnetic repulsor-field belt she used for flying. Ooh. ''[reads]'' "Quest Research Laboratories". Good stuff. ''[activates the belt to float]'' :'''Starchild''': All stolen from her previous employer. <hr width=50%> :'''Daphne''': Thanks, Starchild. KISS has been on witch watch ever since we passed out. :'''Shaggy''': So, like, who's the witch? :'''Velma''': I thought you'd have guessed when we opened her locker, Shaggy. ''[unmasks the Crimson Witch]'' She's Delilah Domino, the head of security. :''[Manny Goldman, two security guards, Chikara, Shandi Strutter and Chip McGhoo arrive]'' :'''Manny''': Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle. Delilah, I knew it. I didn't really know it, but, you know, I like to be smart. I'm the boss. :'''Chikara''': Curious. I didn't see that coming. :'''Shandi''': How did you know? :'''Velma''': When Delilah mentioned that she worked for a government defense company, we did some research. Turns out, they specialized in lasers. :'''Shaggy and Scooby''': So? :'''Fred''': Lasers that use black diamonds, guys. :'''Daphne''': She was hoping to steal it from here, and sell it to a competing defense company since she was fired from the last one. :'''Fred''': She was also the one stealing your chemicals, so she could make her witch gas. As head of security, she would've had another keycard to your lab. :'''Velma''': And while everyone was watching the concert, she hid the diamond here in her locker. :''[Two security guards take Delilah into custody]'' :'''Delilah''': My plan was perfect. And I would've gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for you meddling KISS. Er, uh, kids. You meddling kids. :'''Chip''': Note to self: KISS handcuffs. <hr width=50%> :''[Last lines]'' :'''Shaggy''': Did you see? :'''Scooby''': Did you? :''[Shaggy and Scooby run to catch up with Velma, Daphne and Fred, but stop]'' :'''Shaggy''': You think we should tell her ''[Velma]''? :'''Scooby''': No. Why rock her world? :'''Shaggy''': Good point. ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Scooby-Doo}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2015 animated films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:Films directed by Tony Cervone]] [[Category:Animated films about Halloween]] o2d2hhz0i7enjffr4tzuxqx51pkkf3s 0 234413 3949208 3880458 2026-06-05T14:02:55Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949208 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Zula Patrol|The Zula Patrol]]''''' is an American animated television series produced by Kambooteron Productions, Gotham Entertainment and The Hatchery and distributed by [[w:American Public Television|American Public Television]], and [[w:PBS Kids|PBS Kids]] in the United States. The show was older children, and tweens, and from ages 5 to 12. __TOC__ == Season 1 == === ''Blue Moon'' [1.07a] === :'''Wigg''': The moon's not made out of cheese. That's just a silly story. :'''Wizzy''': Oh, yeah? Well what ''is'' it made of? :'''Wigg''': Hey, everybody knows ''that.'' It's a man! Haven't you ever heard of the man in the moon? :'''Wizzy''': Man in the moon?! Get real! ''That's'' the silly story. :'''Wigg''': We'll ask Multo. You'll see. === ''Chili Cook-Off'' [1.09a] === :'''Wizzy''': To cool it down faster, wouldn't it be quicker in the freezer? :'''Multo''': GOODNESS, NO! If my galactic goo would've reached its freezing point, there's no telling what might happen! Zeeter, how about a game of chess while we wait for the goo to cool? :'''Zeeter''': YOU'RE ON! === ''Weather Vain'' [1.21b] === :'''Bula''': Tell me. ''[Zeeter looks foolish]'' What did ''you'' think about my show, Zeeter? :'''Zeeter''': Me? It was fine, Bula. Really. :'''Bula''': No, go on, tell me what you really think. I can handle it. :'''Zeeter''': Bula, you were perfectly alright! :'''Bula''': I'm not exciting, right? I have no personality on camera, right?! :'''Zeeter''': Well... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mutlo''': OH MY GOD! This is impossible! It's every kind of weather known to science all at the same time! What's going on?! :'''Iris Bloodshot''': What happened to fair and warm? I want my fair and warm back?! Where's Zeeter with the forecast! I better call the Zula Patrol! :'''Bula''': Hello? What? Stop yelling at me! The weather? Multo, could you get that phone? :'''Multo''': OK! Hello? WHAT? THE WEATHER IS GOING CRAZY? ''[Multiple phones keep ringing]'' :'''Bula''': The ringing's gonna keep us up all night unless someone stops it! :'''Multo''': Noone was this content on weather except... ''[in anger]'' Zeeter. She was in charge of telling everyone about the weather?! :'''Bula''': What a slacker. We better find her! ZEETER, you get in here! :'''Multo''': Zeeter! :'''Zeeter''': No, this is all my fault! I've got to FIX this thing! :'''Bula''': There you are. :'''Zeeter''': Ummm... this is NOT what it looks like. You see... :'''Bula''': Zeeter, the phones are ringing off the hook! Everybody wants to know what's wrong with the weather! What the... ''[They notice Multo's fried machine]'' :'''Multo''': Uhh, Zeeter, what are you doing?! ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Zula Patrol}} [[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated space adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Syndicated shows]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about extraterrestrial life]] j6mfo85692wdwgkzjtknslh204aygu6 3949213 3949208 2026-06-05T14:07:35Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949213 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Zula Patrol|The Zula Patrol]]''''' is an American animated television series produced by Kambooteron Productions, Gotham Entertainment and The Hatchery and distributed by [[w:American Public Television|American Public Television]], and [[w:PBS Kids|PBS Kids]] in the United States. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12. __TOC__ == Season 1 == === ''Blue Moon'' [1.07a] === :'''Wigg''': The moon's not made out of cheese. That's just a silly story. :'''Wizzy''': Oh, yeah? Well what ''is'' it made of? :'''Wigg''': Hey, everybody knows ''that.'' It's a man! Haven't you ever heard of the man in the moon? :'''Wizzy''': Man in the moon?! Get real! ''That's'' the silly story. :'''Wigg''': We'll ask Multo. You'll see. === ''Chili Cook-Off'' [1.09a] === :'''Wizzy''': To cool it down faster, wouldn't it be quicker in the freezer? :'''Multo''': GOODNESS, NO! If my galactic goo would've reached its freezing point, there's no telling what might happen! Zeeter, how about a game of chess while we wait for the goo to cool? :'''Zeeter''': YOU'RE ON! === ''Weather Vain'' [1.21b] === :'''Bula''': Tell me. ''[Zeeter looks foolish]'' What did ''you'' think about my show, Zeeter? :'''Zeeter''': Me? It was fine, Bula. Really. :'''Bula''': No, go on, tell me what you really think. I can handle it. :'''Zeeter''': Bula, you were perfectly alright! :'''Bula''': I'm not exciting, right? I have no personality on camera, right?! :'''Zeeter''': Well... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mutlo''': OH MY GOD! This is impossible! It's every kind of weather known to science all at the same time! What's going on?! :'''Iris Bloodshot''': What happened to fair and warm? I want my fair and warm back?! Where's Zeeter with the forecast! I better call the Zula Patrol! :'''Bula''': Hello? What? Stop yelling at me! The weather? Multo, could you get that phone? :'''Multo''': OK! Hello? WHAT? THE WEATHER IS GOING CRAZY? ''[Multiple phones keep ringing]'' :'''Bula''': The ringing's gonna keep us up all night unless someone stops it! :'''Multo''': Noone was this content on weather except... ''[in anger]'' Zeeter. She was in charge of telling everyone about the weather?! :'''Bula''': What a slacker. We better find her! ZEETER, you get in here! :'''Multo''': Zeeter! :'''Zeeter''': No, this is all my fault! I've got to FIX this thing! :'''Bula''': There you are. :'''Zeeter''': Ummm... this is NOT what it looks like. You see... :'''Bula''': Zeeter, the phones are ringing off the hook! Everybody wants to know what's wrong with the weather! What the... ''[They notice Multo's fried machine]'' :'''Multo''': Uhh, Zeeter, what are you doing?! ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Zula Patrol}} [[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated space adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Syndicated shows]] [[Category:PBS Kids shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about extraterrestrial life]] bs3n6109rhncpputwubl6oxanh6jag2 0 240023 3949228 3945187 2026-06-05T14:47:45Z ~2026-33347-68 3336830 3949228 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Suicide Squad (film)|The Suicide Squad]]''''' is a [[w:2021 in film|2021]] American [[w:Superhero film|superhero film]] about a task force of convicts who are sent to destroy a Nazi-era laboratory and encounter the giant alien [[w:Starro|Starro]]. It is a standalone sequel to 2016's ''[[Suicide Squad (film)|Suicide Squad]]'' and is the tenth installment in the [[w:DC Extended Universe|DC Extended Universe]]. {{DEFAULTSORT:Suicide Squad (film), The}} :''Directed and written by [[w:James Gunn|James Gunn]], based on the DC Comics team of [[w:Suicide Squad|the same name]].'' {{center|'''They're dying to save the world.'''{{small|([[#Taglines|taglines]])}}}} {{film-stub}} == [[w:Bloodsport (character)|Robert DuBois / Bloodsport]] == * I'm not joining your Suicide Squad. ''['''Amanda Waller:''' We'll see.]'' * Tyla, I told you when I came here that any goodness I ever had in me had been wrung out bare by my old man. I also told you to go out there and do your own thing, and to stay far away from me or anyone like me, didn't I? So why are you here when you and I both know I have nothing good to offer you? * You're threatening my f***ing daughter! * We're all gonna die. * Oh, for f**k's sake. * We find out any information you've given us is false, you die. * F***. * ''[Rated PG; Version]'' ??? * ''[Rated PG-13; Version]'' ??? * It's your Mom! == [[w:Harley Quinn|Harleen Quinzel / Harley Quinn]] == * Hey, guys, sorry I'm late. Had to get a number two. ''['''Rick Flag:''' Good to know.]'' * Oh, my God! Is it a werewolf? * I'm sorry. Recently, I made a promise to myself that the next time I got a boyfriend, I'd be on the lookout for red flags. And if I saw any, I would do the healthy thing, and murder them. Killing kids? Kind of a red flag. * We find out you have personalized license plates, you die. * I love the rain, it's like angels are splooging all over us! == [[w:Peacemaker (comics)|Christopher Smith / Peacemaker]] == * Starfish is a slang term for a butthole. Think there's any connection? ''['''Amanda Waller:''' No.]'' * You’re being facetious, but if this whole beach was completely covered in dicks and somebody said I had to eat every dick until the beach was clean for liberty, I would say "no problemo!" ''['''Ratcatcher 2:''' Why would someone put penises all over the beach?]'' Who knows why madmen do what they do? * I cherish peace with all my heart. I don't care how many men, women and children I need to kill to get it. * (regarding his helmet) It's not a toilet seat, it's a beacon of freedom! * ''[preparing to kill Ratcatcher 2]'' Sorry, kid. == [[w:Rick Flag|Rick Flag]] == * Here's the deal, we fail the mission, you die. * Hey, hey! He's not a werewolf, okay? He's a weasel! He's harmless. I mean... he's not harmless, he's killed twenty-seven children, but y'know... we got him to.. I ''think'' he's agreed to do this. Whatever the case, everyone get into position to drop. * Did anyone check on whether Weasel could SWIM?! * I didn't pick the damn team! * Nanaue, stay off the comm! * '''THEY EXPERIMENTED ON CHILDREN!''' * (last words) Peacemaker. What a f***in' joke. * ''[Rated PG; Version]'' ??? * ''[Rated PG-13; Version]'' ??? == [[w:Amanda Waller|Amanda Waller]] == * Robert DuBois. He's imprisoned for putting [[w:Clark Kent (DC Extended Universe)|Superman]] in the ICU with a Kryptonite bullet. * Nanaue's the strongest member of your team. You need him to get into Jotunheim. * I wouldn't take such extreme measures if this mission weren't more important than you could possibly imagine. I'm protecting this country. You don't know half of what I would do. * Are you in or out? Good. Let's meet your team. * You know the deal. Successfully complete the mission, you get ten years off your sentence. You fail to follow my orders in any way, and I detonate the explosive device in the base of your skull. * ''['''King Shark:''' Hand.]'' Yes, that is your hand. Very good. * Your mission is to destroy every trace of something known only as Project Starfish. == [[w:Captain Boomerang|George "Digger" Harkness / Captain Boomerang]] == * What kind of dog do you think it is, mate? * ''All'' names are letters, dickhead! * (last words) Strewth! == [[w:King Shark|Nanaue / King Shark]] == * So smart, Me. Enjoy book so much. * Where go, Friends? * Nom nom? * Hand. * Bird. * New dumb friends! == [[w:Ratcatcher (comics)|Cleo Cazo / Ratcatcher 2]] == * Why would someone put penises all over the beach? * If I die because I gambled on love, it will be a worthy death. * ''[to Polka-Dot Man]'' I thought you were the crazy one. ''['''Polka-Dot Man:''' I am.]'' * ''['''Bloodsport:''' I'm gonna get you outta here alive.]'' I’m going to get YOU out of here alive. == [[w:Polka-Dot Man|Abner Krill / Polka-Dot Man]] == * ''['''Ratcather 2:''' I thought you were the crazy one.]'' I am. * I don't like to kill people, but if I pretend they're my mom, it's easy. * ''[on killing soldiers]'' I turned them into my mother in my head and killed them. * Aw, fizzle sticks, hold on. * (last words) I'm a Superhero! I'm a motherfucking su-! == [[w:Thinker (DC Comics)|Dr. Gaius Grieves / The Thinker]] == * This is suicide. ''['''Rick Flag:''' Well, that's kind of our thing.]'' * I call it Starro the Conqueror! * Let's just talk about this. I understand where you're coming from I crossed the line. Okay! I crossed the line! But I'm ready to change! I AM ready to change! Please! I didn't mean to hurt you! == [[w:Starro the Conquerer|Starro the Conquerer]]== * Have you come to save me from that madman? Thirty years he's kept me here, torturing me. * This city is mine. * (last words) I was happy... floating, staring at the stars. == Others == * '''Calendar Man:''' Hey, Polka-Dot Man! I was hoping you'd entertain my kid's birthday party! YA F***IN' PUSSY!!! (laughs maniacally) * '''Emilia Harcourt:''' Oh, come the f*** on. Bloodsport's got a RAT PHOBIA == Dialogue == :'''Harley Quinn''': I love your accent. :'''Javelin''': American women ALL love accents. :'''Harley Quinn''': We do. 'Cause we don't got none! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Javelin''': What does T.D.K. stand for? :'''T.D.K.''': What? :'''Javelin''': Your name is T.D.K., correct? :'''T.D.K.''': Yeah. :'''Javelin''': And it stands for WHAT? :'''T.D.K.''': It stands for me. It's what a name is. :'''Javelin''': Your name is letters? :'''Captain Boomerang''': All names are letters, dickhead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Next time you wanna nick something, you take a partner and they can be a lookout. :'''Tyla Dubois''': That's your advice? :'''Bloodsport''': Yeah. :'''Tyla Dubois''': You're a terrible father. :'''Bloodsport''': Hey, I didn't ask to be a father in the first place. :'''Tyla Dubois''': I know. You make that perfectly clear. :'''Bloodsport''': Your mother sprung that one on me. :'''Tyla Dubois''': Well, she's not around anymore, so you can lay off of her, okay? :'''Bloodsport''': Oh, I tried to lay off her, but then she dragged out the paternity test. :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': No, F*** YOU! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': F*** YOU! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': F*** YOU! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': ''F*** you''! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! I can't believe you don't care that I stole, only that I got caught! :'''Bloodsport''': I don't only care that you got caught, I care that you got caught for stealing something as STUPID as a f***ing TV watch! :'''Tyla Dubois''': It does other things too!! :'''Bloodsport''': Nothing better that your phone can't fucking do, it's embarrassing! :'''Tyla Dubois''': No, what's f***ing embarrassing is having you as my father! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': To get me to lead your sh**e f***ing mission, you're gonna send my fourteen year-old daughter to prison? :'''Amanda Waller''': No. ''[pause]'' Your daughter is ''sixteen'', DuBois. You're a real father of the year. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Each member of your team is chosen for his or her own completely unique set of abilities. This is Christopher Smith, known as Peacemaker. In his hands, anything is a deadly weapon. His father was a soldier who trained his son how to kill from the moment he was born. :'''Bloodsport''': Are you having a laugh? :'''Amanda Waller''': What? :'''Bloodsport''': You just said each member of the team is chosen for their unique abilities. He does exactly what I do! :'''Peacemaker''': But BETTER. :'''Bloodsport:''' I always hit my targets dead center. :'''Peacemaker:''' I hit them MORE in the center. :'''Bloodsport:''' Well, you can't hit something more in the center. :'''Peacemaker:''' I use smaller bullets. :'''Bloodsport:''' What? :'''Peacemaker:''' They go inside your bullet holes without even touching the sides. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Miss Cazo, will you be joining us? :'''Cleo / Ratcatcher 2''': ''[groans]'' I just woke up. I don't function well early in the morning. :'''Amanda Waller''': My deepest apologies for disturbing you. :'''Ratcatcher 2''': It's all right. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[bangs on cell door]'' Get your ass out here! :'''Ratcatcher 2''': ''[groans and gets up]'' :'''Peacemaker''': ''[scoffs]'' Millenials. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': ''[notices a rat on Ratcatcher's shoulder]'' Oh, no way. That's not coming with us. :'''Amanda Waller''': She controls rats. :'''Bloodsport''': I know, I caught that. It's a DISGUSTING superpower! :'''Ratcatcher 2''': This is Sebastian. Say hello, Sebastian. ''[the rat offers its paw]'' :'''Bloodsport''': I'm not shaking the rat's hand. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[introducing Abner Krill]'' They call him the Polka-Dot Man. :'''Peacemaker''': ''[scoffs]'' Polka-Dot Man. What's he do, throw polka-dots at people? ''[Waller remains silent]'' He does. He throws polka-dots at people. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Peacemaker''': "Starfish" is a slang term for a butthole. Think there's any connection? :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[deadpan]'' No. :'''Peacemaker''': ''[jotting in notebook]'' "No... connection". :'''Amanda Waller''': Nanaue? :'''King Shark''': ''[pointing to his raised hand]'' Hand. :'''Amanda Waller''': Yes, that is your hand, Nanaue. Very good. :'''Bloodsport''': We're all gonna die. :'''Polka-Dot Man''': ''[turning to him]'' I hope so. :'''Bloodsport''': Oh, for fuck's sake... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gaius Grieves''': Hey, what is this?! You slaughtered my staff! :'''Mateo Suarez''': They were loyal to the Herreras. Who are you loyal to, Thinker? They call you "Thinker", yes? All that shit in your face is to make your brain good? :'''Gaius Grieves''': ''[sarcastic]'' Yes, it makes my brain good. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Peacemaker''': You've gotta be kidding me. You're gonna risk the entire mission for a mental defective dressed as a court jester? :'''Bloodsport''': THIS coming from a guy that wears a toilet seat on his head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Nanaue''': ''[staring at pigeon]'' Bird. :'''Rick Flag''': Nanaue, stay off the comm! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Once we're clear, we blow the tits off that thing, and go home. :'''Gaius Grieves''': This is suicide. :'''Rick Flag''': Well, that's kind of our thing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Are you Milton? :'''Milton''': ''[traumatized and crying]'' Si! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Peacemaker''': God damn it, Nanaue. ''[pointing sternly]'' No! Quit being a playbaby. :'''Nanaue''': ''[offers a lump of C4 he has shaped to look like...]'' Peacemaker. :'''Peacemaker''': ...It's actually very nice. Just put it against the wall. It looks nothin' like me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ratcatcher 2''': I knew Sebastian sensed good in you for a reason. :'''Bloodsport''': Just keep that fucking rat away from me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cleo''': Why rats, Papa? :'''Ratcatcher 1''': Rats are the lowliest and most despised of all creatures, my love. If they have purpose, so do we all. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Oh, that’s just a taste of what’s on that drive. I’ve uploaded it all to a secure server. Now, if you kill any one of us, or my daughter ever sees the inside of a prison, it goes public. If we all go free, it never has to see the light of day. :'''Amanda Waller''': I told you I’d make you a leader, DuBois. You got a deal. == Taglines == * They're dying to save the world. * Don't get too attached. == Cast == * [[Margot Robbie]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Harleen Quinzel / Harley Quinn]] * [[Idris Elba]] – [[w:Bloodsport (character)|Robert DuBois / Bloodsport]] * [[John Cena]] – [[w:Peacemaker (comics)|Christopher Smith / Peacemaker]] * [[w:Joel Kinnaman|Joel Kinnaman]] as [[w:Rick Flag|Rick Flag]] * [[Sylvester Stallone]] – [[w:King Shark|Nanaue / King Shark]] * [[w:Viola Davis|Viola Davis]] as [[w:Amanda Waller|Amanda Waller]] * [[w:David Dastmalchian|David Dastmalchian]] – [[w:Polka-Dot Man|Abner Krill / Polka-Dot Man]] * [[w:Daniela Melchior|Daniela Melchior]] - [[w:Ratcatcher (comics)|Cleo Cazo / Ratcatcher 2]] * [[w:Jai Courtney|Jai Courtney]] - [[w:Captain Boomerang|George "Digger" Harkness / Captain Boomerang]] * [[w:Peter Capaldi|Peter Capaldi]] - [[w:Thinker (DC Comics)|Dr. Gaius Grieves / The Thinker]] * [[w:Michael Rooker|Michael Rooker]] - [[w:Savant (DC Comics)|Brian Durlin / Savant]] * [[w:Alice Braga|Alice Braga]] - Sol Soria * [[w:Pete Davidson|Pete Davidson]] - [[w:100 (DC Comics)#1,000 Operatives|Richard "Dick" Hertz / Blackguard]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{IMDb title|6334354|The Suicide Squad}} {{DC Comics live-action films}} [[Category:2021 films]] [[Category:Action films]] [[Category:2020s American films]] [[Category:Apocalyptic films]] [[Category:Comic book films]] [[Category:Sequel films]] [[Category:Crime films]] [[Category:DC Extended Universe]] [[Category:Prison films]] [[Category:Science fiction films]] [[Category:Superhero drama films]] [[Category:Supervillain films]] [[Category:Screenplays by James Gunn]] [[Category:Films based on DC Comics]] [[Category:Films directed by James Gunn]] [[Category:Suicide Squad]] [[Category:Films set in a fictional country]] [[Category:Films about sharks]] 59v7cgb9uutre8cabe1h7ykzvn83eio 3949229 3949228 2026-06-05T14:48:56Z ~2026-33347-68 3336830 3949229 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Suicide Squad (film)|The Suicide Squad]]''''' is a [[w:2021 in film|2021]] American [[w:Superhero film|superhero film]] about a task force of convicts who are sent to destroy a Nazi-era laboratory and encounter face-to-face the giant alien [[w:Starro|Starro]]. It is a standalone sequel to 2016's ''[[Suicide Squad (film)|Suicide Squad]]'' and is the tenth installment in the [[w:DC Extended Universe|DC Extended Universe]]. {{DEFAULTSORT:Suicide Squad (film), The}} :''Directed and written by [[w:James Gunn|James Gunn]], based on the DC Comics team of [[w:Suicide Squad|the same name]].'' {{center|'''They're dying to save the world.'''{{small|([[#Taglines|taglines]])}}}} {{film-stub}} == [[w:Bloodsport (character)|Robert DuBois / Bloodsport]] == * I'm not joining your Suicide Squad. ''['''Amanda Waller:''' We'll see.]'' * Tyla, I told you when I came here that any goodness I ever had in me had been wrung out bare by my old man. I also told you to go out there and do your own thing, and to stay far away from me or anyone like me, didn't I? So why are you here when you and I both know I have nothing good to offer you? * You're threatening my f***ing daughter! * We're all gonna die. * Oh, for f**k's sake. * We find out any information you've given us is false, you die. * F***. * ''[Rated PG; Version]'' ??? * ''[Rated PG-13; Version]'' ??? * It's your Mom! == [[w:Harley Quinn|Harleen Quinzel / Harley Quinn]] == * Hey, guys, sorry I'm late. Had to get a number two. ''['''Rick Flag:''' Good to know.]'' * Oh, my God! Is it a werewolf? * I'm sorry. Recently, I made a promise to myself that the next time I got a boyfriend, I'd be on the lookout for red flags. And if I saw any, I would do the healthy thing, and murder them. Killing kids? Kind of a red flag. * We find out you have personalized license plates, you die. * I love the rain, it's like angels are splooging all over us! == [[w:Peacemaker (comics)|Christopher Smith / Peacemaker]] == * Starfish is a slang term for a butthole. Think there's any connection? ''['''Amanda Waller:''' No.]'' * You’re being facetious, but if this whole beach was completely covered in dicks and somebody said I had to eat every dick until the beach was clean for liberty, I would say "no problemo!" ''['''Ratcatcher 2:''' Why would someone put penises all over the beach?]'' Who knows why madmen do what they do? * I cherish peace with all my heart. I don't care how many men, women and children I need to kill to get it. * (regarding his helmet) It's not a toilet seat, it's a beacon of freedom! * ''[preparing to kill Ratcatcher 2]'' Sorry, kid. == [[w:Rick Flag|Rick Flag]] == * Here's the deal, we fail the mission, you die. * Hey, hey! He's not a werewolf, okay? He's a weasel! He's harmless. I mean... he's not harmless, he's killed twenty-seven children, but y'know... we got him to.. I ''think'' he's agreed to do this. Whatever the case, everyone get into position to drop. * Did anyone check on whether Weasel could SWIM?! * I didn't pick the damn team! * Nanaue, stay off the comm! * '''THEY EXPERIMENTED ON CHILDREN!''' * (last words) Peacemaker. What a f***in' joke. * ''[Rated PG; Version]'' ??? * ''[Rated PG-13; Version]'' ??? == [[w:Amanda Waller|Amanda Waller]] == * Robert DuBois. He's imprisoned for putting [[w:Clark Kent (DC Extended Universe)|Superman]] in the ICU with a Kryptonite bullet. * Nanaue's the strongest member of your team. You need him to get into Jotunheim. * I wouldn't take such extreme measures if this mission weren't more important than you could possibly imagine. I'm protecting this country. You don't know half of what I would do. * Are you in or out? Good. Let's meet your team. * You know the deal. Successfully complete the mission, you get ten years off your sentence. You fail to follow my orders in any way, and I detonate the explosive device in the base of your skull. * ''['''King Shark:''' Hand.]'' Yes, that is your hand. Very good. * Your mission is to destroy every trace of something known only as Project Starfish. == [[w:Captain Boomerang|George "Digger" Harkness / Captain Boomerang]] == * What kind of dog do you think it is, mate? * ''All'' names are letters, dickhead! * (last words) Strewth! == [[w:King Shark|Nanaue / King Shark]] == * So smart, Me. Enjoy book so much. * Where go, Friends? * Nom nom? * Hand. * Bird. * New dumb friends! == [[w:Ratcatcher (comics)|Cleo Cazo / Ratcatcher 2]] == * Why would someone put penises all over the beach? * If I die because I gambled on love, it will be a worthy death. * ''[to Polka-Dot Man]'' I thought you were the crazy one. ''['''Polka-Dot Man:''' I am.]'' * ''['''Bloodsport:''' I'm gonna get you outta here alive.]'' I’m going to get YOU out of here alive. == [[w:Polka-Dot Man|Abner Krill / Polka-Dot Man]] == * ''['''Ratcather 2:''' I thought you were the crazy one.]'' I am. * I don't like to kill people, but if I pretend they're my mom, it's easy. * ''[on killing soldiers]'' I turned them into my mother in my head and killed them. * Aw, fizzle sticks, hold on. * (last words) I'm a Superhero! I'm a motherfucking su-! == [[w:Thinker (DC Comics)|Dr. Gaius Grieves / The Thinker]] == * This is suicide. ''['''Rick Flag:''' Well, that's kind of our thing.]'' * I call it Starro the Conqueror! * Let's just talk about this. I understand where you're coming from I crossed the line. Okay! I crossed the line! But I'm ready to change! I AM ready to change! Please! I didn't mean to hurt you! == [[w:Starro the Conquerer|Starro the Conquerer]]== * Have you come to save me from that madman? Thirty years he's kept me here, torturing me. * This city is mine. * (last words) I was happy... floating, staring at the stars. == Others == * '''Calendar Man:''' Hey, Polka-Dot Man! I was hoping you'd entertain my kid's birthday party! YA F***IN' PUSSY!!! (laughs maniacally) * '''Emilia Harcourt:''' Oh, come the f*** on. Bloodsport's got a RAT PHOBIA == Dialogue == :'''Harley Quinn''': I love your accent. :'''Javelin''': American women ALL love accents. :'''Harley Quinn''': We do. 'Cause we don't got none! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Javelin''': What does T.D.K. stand for? :'''T.D.K.''': What? :'''Javelin''': Your name is T.D.K., correct? :'''T.D.K.''': Yeah. :'''Javelin''': And it stands for WHAT? :'''T.D.K.''': It stands for me. It's what a name is. :'''Javelin''': Your name is letters? :'''Captain Boomerang''': All names are letters, dickhead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Next time you wanna nick something, you take a partner and they can be a lookout. :'''Tyla Dubois''': That's your advice? :'''Bloodsport''': Yeah. :'''Tyla Dubois''': You're a terrible father. :'''Bloodsport''': Hey, I didn't ask to be a father in the first place. :'''Tyla Dubois''': I know. You make that perfectly clear. :'''Bloodsport''': Your mother sprung that one on me. :'''Tyla Dubois''': Well, she's not around anymore, so you can lay off of her, okay? :'''Bloodsport''': Oh, I tried to lay off her, but then she dragged out the paternity test. :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': No, F*** YOU! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': F*** YOU! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': F*** YOU! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': ''F*** you''! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! I can't believe you don't care that I stole, only that I got caught! :'''Bloodsport''': I don't only care that you got caught, I care that you got caught for stealing something as STUPID as a f***ing TV watch! :'''Tyla Dubois''': It does other things too!! :'''Bloodsport''': Nothing better that your phone can't fucking do, it's embarrassing! :'''Tyla Dubois''': No, what's f***ing embarrassing is having you as my father! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': To get me to lead your sh**e f***ing mission, you're gonna send my fourteen year-old daughter to prison? :'''Amanda Waller''': No. ''[pause]'' Your daughter is ''sixteen'', DuBois. You're a real father of the year. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Each member of your team is chosen for his or her own completely unique set of abilities. This is Christopher Smith, known as Peacemaker. In his hands, anything is a deadly weapon. His father was a soldier who trained his son how to kill from the moment he was born. :'''Bloodsport''': Are you having a laugh? :'''Amanda Waller''': What? :'''Bloodsport''': You just said each member of the team is chosen for their unique abilities. He does exactly what I do! :'''Peacemaker''': But BETTER. :'''Bloodsport:''' I always hit my targets dead center. :'''Peacemaker:''' I hit them MORE in the center. :'''Bloodsport:''' Well, you can't hit something more in the center. :'''Peacemaker:''' I use smaller bullets. :'''Bloodsport:''' What? :'''Peacemaker:''' They go inside your bullet holes without even touching the sides. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Miss Cazo, will you be joining us? :'''Cleo / Ratcatcher 2''': ''[groans]'' I just woke up. I don't function well early in the morning. :'''Amanda Waller''': My deepest apologies for disturbing you. :'''Ratcatcher 2''': It's all right. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[bangs on cell door]'' Get your ass out here! :'''Ratcatcher 2''': ''[groans and gets up]'' :'''Peacemaker''': ''[scoffs]'' Millenials. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': ''[notices a rat on Ratcatcher's shoulder]'' Oh, no way. That's not coming with us. :'''Amanda Waller''': She controls rats. :'''Bloodsport''': I know, I caught that. It's a DISGUSTING superpower! :'''Ratcatcher 2''': This is Sebastian. Say hello, Sebastian. ''[the rat offers its paw]'' :'''Bloodsport''': I'm not shaking the rat's hand. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[introducing Abner Krill]'' They call him the Polka-Dot Man. :'''Peacemaker''': ''[scoffs]'' Polka-Dot Man. What's he do, throw polka-dots at people? ''[Waller remains silent]'' He does. He throws polka-dots at people. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Peacemaker''': "Starfish" is a slang term for a butthole. Think there's any connection? :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[deadpan]'' No. :'''Peacemaker''': ''[jotting in notebook]'' "No... connection". :'''Amanda Waller''': Nanaue? :'''King Shark''': ''[pointing to his raised hand]'' Hand. :'''Amanda Waller''': Yes, that is your hand, Nanaue. Very good. :'''Bloodsport''': We're all gonna die. :'''Polka-Dot Man''': ''[turning to him]'' I hope so. :'''Bloodsport''': Oh, for fuck's sake... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gaius Grieves''': Hey, what is this?! You slaughtered my staff! :'''Mateo Suarez''': They were loyal to the Herreras. Who are you loyal to, Thinker? They call you "Thinker", yes? All that shit in your face is to make your brain good? :'''Gaius Grieves''': ''[sarcastic]'' Yes, it makes my brain good. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Peacemaker''': You've gotta be kidding me. You're gonna risk the entire mission for a mental defective dressed as a court jester? :'''Bloodsport''': THIS coming from a guy that wears a toilet seat on his head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Nanaue''': ''[staring at pigeon]'' Bird. :'''Rick Flag''': Nanaue, stay off the comm! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Once we're clear, we blow the tits off that thing, and go home. :'''Gaius Grieves''': This is suicide. :'''Rick Flag''': Well, that's kind of our thing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Are you Milton? :'''Milton''': ''[traumatized and crying]'' Si! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Peacemaker''': God damn it, Nanaue. ''[pointing sternly]'' No! Quit being a playbaby. :'''Nanaue''': ''[offers a lump of C4 he has shaped to look like...]'' Peacemaker. :'''Peacemaker''': ...It's actually very nice. Just put it against the wall. It looks nothin' like me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ratcatcher 2''': I knew Sebastian sensed good in you for a reason. :'''Bloodsport''': Just keep that fucking rat away from me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cleo''': Why rats, Papa? :'''Ratcatcher 1''': Rats are the lowliest and most despised of all creatures, my love. If they have purpose, so do we all. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Oh, that’s just a taste of what’s on that drive. I’ve uploaded it all to a secure server. Now, if you kill any one of us, or my daughter ever sees the inside of a prison, it goes public. If we all go free, it never has to see the light of day. :'''Amanda Waller''': I told you I’d make you a leader, DuBois. You got a deal. == Taglines == * They're dying to save the world. * Don't get too attached. == Cast == * [[Margot Robbie]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Harleen Quinzel / Harley Quinn]] * [[Idris Elba]] – [[w:Bloodsport (character)|Robert DuBois / Bloodsport]] * [[John Cena]] – [[w:Peacemaker (comics)|Christopher Smith / Peacemaker]] * [[w:Joel Kinnaman|Joel Kinnaman]] as [[w:Rick Flag|Rick Flag]] * [[Sylvester Stallone]] – [[w:King Shark|Nanaue / King Shark]] * [[w:Viola Davis|Viola Davis]] as [[w:Amanda Waller|Amanda Waller]] * [[w:David Dastmalchian|David Dastmalchian]] – [[w:Polka-Dot Man|Abner Krill / Polka-Dot Man]] * [[w:Daniela Melchior|Daniela Melchior]] - [[w:Ratcatcher (comics)|Cleo Cazo / Ratcatcher 2]] * [[w:Jai Courtney|Jai Courtney]] - [[w:Captain Boomerang|George "Digger" Harkness / Captain Boomerang]] * [[w:Peter Capaldi|Peter Capaldi]] - [[w:Thinker (DC Comics)|Dr. Gaius Grieves / The Thinker]] * [[w:Michael Rooker|Michael Rooker]] - [[w:Savant (DC Comics)|Brian Durlin / Savant]] * [[w:Alice Braga|Alice Braga]] - Sol Soria * [[w:Pete Davidson|Pete Davidson]] - [[w:100 (DC Comics)#1,000 Operatives|Richard "Dick" Hertz / Blackguard]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{IMDb title|6334354|The Suicide Squad}} {{DC Comics live-action films}} [[Category:2021 films]] [[Category:Action films]] [[Category:2020s American films]] [[Category:Apocalyptic films]] [[Category:Comic book films]] [[Category:Sequel films]] [[Category:Crime films]] [[Category:DC Extended Universe]] [[Category:Prison films]] [[Category:Science fiction films]] [[Category:Superhero drama films]] [[Category:Supervillain films]] [[Category:Screenplays by James Gunn]] [[Category:Films based on DC Comics]] [[Category:Films directed by James Gunn]] [[Category:Suicide Squad]] [[Category:Films set in a fictional country]] [[Category:Films about sharks]] 8naeyir7kc1um1vwz44r2uhtf688la4 3949230 3949229 2026-06-05T14:49:29Z ~2026-33347-68 3336830 3949230 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Suicide Squad (film)|The Suicide Squad]]''''' is a [[w:2021 in film|2021]] American [[w:Superhero film|superhero film]] about a task force of convicts who are sent to destroy a Nazi-era laboratory and encounter face-to-face the giant alien [[w:Starro|Starro]]. It is a standalone sequel to 2016's ''[[Suicide Squad (film)|Suicide Squad]]'' and is the tenth installment in the [[w:DC Extended Universe|DC Extended Universe]]. {{DEFAULTSORT:Suicide Squad (film), The}} :''Directed and written by [[w:James Gunn|James Gunn]], based on the DC Comics team of [[w:Suicide Squad|the same name]].'' {{center|'''They're dying to save the world.'''{{small|([[#Taglines|taglines]])}}}} {{film-stub}} == [[w:Bloodsport (character)|Robert DuBois / Bloodsport]] == * I'm not joining your Suicide Squad. ''['''Amanda Waller:''' We'll see.]'' * Tyla, I told you when I came here that any goodness I ever had in me had been wrung out bare by my old man. I also told you to go out there and do your own thing, and to stay far away from me or anyone like me, didn't I? So why are you here when you and I both know I have nothing good to offer you? * You're threatening my f***ing daughter! * ''[Rated PG; Version]'' ??? * ''[Rated PG-13; Version]'' ??? * We're all gonna die. * Oh, for f**k's sake. * We find out any information you've given us is false, you die. * F***. * ''[Rated PG; Version]'' ??? * ''[Rated PG-13; Version]'' ??? * It's your Mom! == [[w:Harley Quinn|Harleen Quinzel / Harley Quinn]] == * Hey, guys, sorry I'm late. Had to get a number two. ''['''Rick Flag:''' Good to know.]'' * Oh, my God! Is it a werewolf? * I'm sorry. Recently, I made a promise to myself that the next time I got a boyfriend, I'd be on the lookout for red flags. And if I saw any, I would do the healthy thing, and murder them. Killing kids? Kind of a red flag. * We find out you have personalized license plates, you die. * I love the rain, it's like angels are splooging all over us! == [[w:Peacemaker (comics)|Christopher Smith / Peacemaker]] == * Starfish is a slang term for a butthole. Think there's any connection? ''['''Amanda Waller:''' No.]'' * You’re being facetious, but if this whole beach was completely covered in dicks and somebody said I had to eat every dick until the beach was clean for liberty, I would say "no problemo!" ''['''Ratcatcher 2:''' Why would someone put penises all over the beach?]'' Who knows why madmen do what they do? * I cherish peace with all my heart. I don't care how many men, women and children I need to kill to get it. * (regarding his helmet) It's not a toilet seat, it's a beacon of freedom! * ''[preparing to kill Ratcatcher 2]'' Sorry, kid. == [[w:Rick Flag|Rick Flag]] == * Here's the deal, we fail the mission, you die. * Hey, hey! He's not a werewolf, okay? He's a weasel! He's harmless. I mean... he's not harmless, he's killed twenty-seven children, but y'know... we got him to.. I ''think'' he's agreed to do this. Whatever the case, everyone get into position to drop. * Did anyone check on whether Weasel could SWIM?! * I didn't pick the damn team! * Nanaue, stay off the comm! * '''THEY EXPERIMENTED ON CHILDREN!''' * (last words) Peacemaker. What a f***in' joke. * ''[Rated PG; Version]'' ??? * ''[Rated PG-13; Version]'' ??? == [[w:Amanda Waller|Amanda Waller]] == * Robert DuBois. He's imprisoned for putting [[w:Clark Kent (DC Extended Universe)|Superman]] in the ICU with a Kryptonite bullet. * Nanaue's the strongest member of your team. You need him to get into Jotunheim. * I wouldn't take such extreme measures if this mission weren't more important than you could possibly imagine. I'm protecting this country. You don't know half of what I would do. * Are you in or out? Good. Let's meet your team. * You know the deal. Successfully complete the mission, you get ten years off your sentence. You fail to follow my orders in any way, and I detonate the explosive device in the base of your skull. * ''['''King Shark:''' Hand.]'' Yes, that is your hand. Very good. * Your mission is to destroy every trace of something known only as Project Starfish. == [[w:Captain Boomerang|George "Digger" Harkness / Captain Boomerang]] == * What kind of dog do you think it is, mate? * ''All'' names are letters, dickhead! * (last words) Strewth! == [[w:King Shark|Nanaue / King Shark]] == * So smart, Me. Enjoy book so much. * Where go, Friends? * Nom nom? * Hand. * Bird. * New dumb friends! == [[w:Ratcatcher (comics)|Cleo Cazo / Ratcatcher 2]] == * Why would someone put penises all over the beach? * If I die because I gambled on love, it will be a worthy death. * ''[to Polka-Dot Man]'' I thought you were the crazy one. ''['''Polka-Dot Man:''' I am.]'' * ''['''Bloodsport:''' I'm gonna get you outta here alive.]'' I’m going to get YOU out of here alive. == [[w:Polka-Dot Man|Abner Krill / Polka-Dot Man]] == * ''['''Ratcather 2:''' I thought you were the crazy one.]'' I am. * I don't like to kill people, but if I pretend they're my mom, it's easy. * ''[on killing soldiers]'' I turned them into my mother in my head and killed them. * Aw, fizzle sticks, hold on. * (last words) I'm a Superhero! I'm a motherfucking su-! == [[w:Thinker (DC Comics)|Dr. Gaius Grieves / The Thinker]] == * This is suicide. ''['''Rick Flag:''' Well, that's kind of our thing.]'' * I call it Starro the Conqueror! * Let's just talk about this. I understand where you're coming from I crossed the line. Okay! I crossed the line! But I'm ready to change! I AM ready to change! Please! I didn't mean to hurt you! == [[w:Starro the Conquerer|Starro the Conquerer]]== * Have you come to save me from that madman? Thirty years he's kept me here, torturing me. * This city is mine. * (last words) I was happy... floating, staring at the stars. == Others == * '''Calendar Man:''' Hey, Polka-Dot Man! I was hoping you'd entertain my kid's birthday party! YA F***IN' PUSSY!!! (laughs maniacally) * '''Emilia Harcourt:''' Oh, come the f*** on. Bloodsport's got a RAT PHOBIA == Dialogue == :'''Harley Quinn''': I love your accent. :'''Javelin''': American women ALL love accents. :'''Harley Quinn''': We do. 'Cause we don't got none! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Javelin''': What does T.D.K. stand for? :'''T.D.K.''': What? :'''Javelin''': Your name is T.D.K., correct? :'''T.D.K.''': Yeah. :'''Javelin''': And it stands for WHAT? :'''T.D.K.''': It stands for me. It's what a name is. :'''Javelin''': Your name is letters? :'''Captain Boomerang''': All names are letters, dickhead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Next time you wanna nick something, you take a partner and they can be a lookout. :'''Tyla Dubois''': That's your advice? :'''Bloodsport''': Yeah. :'''Tyla Dubois''': You're a terrible father. :'''Bloodsport''': Hey, I didn't ask to be a father in the first place. :'''Tyla Dubois''': I know. You make that perfectly clear. :'''Bloodsport''': Your mother sprung that one on me. :'''Tyla Dubois''': Well, she's not around anymore, so you can lay off of her, okay? :'''Bloodsport''': Oh, I tried to lay off her, but then she dragged out the paternity test. :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': No, F*** YOU! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': F*** YOU! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': F*** YOU! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': ''F*** you''! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! I can't believe you don't care that I stole, only that I got caught! :'''Bloodsport''': I don't only care that you got caught, I care that you got caught for stealing something as STUPID as a f***ing TV watch! :'''Tyla Dubois''': It does other things too!! :'''Bloodsport''': Nothing better that your phone can't fucking do, it's embarrassing! :'''Tyla Dubois''': No, what's f***ing embarrassing is having you as my father! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': To get me to lead your sh**e f***ing mission, you're gonna send my fourteen year-old daughter to prison? :'''Amanda Waller''': No. ''[pause]'' Your daughter is ''sixteen'', DuBois. You're a real father of the year. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Each member of your team is chosen for his or her own completely unique set of abilities. This is Christopher Smith, known as Peacemaker. In his hands, anything is a deadly weapon. His father was a soldier who trained his son how to kill from the moment he was born. :'''Bloodsport''': Are you having a laugh? :'''Amanda Waller''': What? :'''Bloodsport''': You just said each member of the team is chosen for their unique abilities. He does exactly what I do! :'''Peacemaker''': But BETTER. :'''Bloodsport:''' I always hit my targets dead center. :'''Peacemaker:''' I hit them MORE in the center. :'''Bloodsport:''' Well, you can't hit something more in the center. :'''Peacemaker:''' I use smaller bullets. :'''Bloodsport:''' What? :'''Peacemaker:''' They go inside your bullet holes without even touching the sides. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Miss Cazo, will you be joining us? :'''Cleo / Ratcatcher 2''': ''[groans]'' I just woke up. I don't function well early in the morning. :'''Amanda Waller''': My deepest apologies for disturbing you. :'''Ratcatcher 2''': It's all right. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[bangs on cell door]'' Get your ass out here! :'''Ratcatcher 2''': ''[groans and gets up]'' :'''Peacemaker''': ''[scoffs]'' Millenials. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': ''[notices a rat on Ratcatcher's shoulder]'' Oh, no way. That's not coming with us. :'''Amanda Waller''': She controls rats. :'''Bloodsport''': I know, I caught that. It's a DISGUSTING superpower! :'''Ratcatcher 2''': This is Sebastian. Say hello, Sebastian. ''[the rat offers its paw]'' :'''Bloodsport''': I'm not shaking the rat's hand. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[introducing Abner Krill]'' They call him the Polka-Dot Man. :'''Peacemaker''': ''[scoffs]'' Polka-Dot Man. What's he do, throw polka-dots at people? ''[Waller remains silent]'' He does. He throws polka-dots at people. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Peacemaker''': "Starfish" is a slang term for a butthole. Think there's any connection? :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[deadpan]'' No. :'''Peacemaker''': ''[jotting in notebook]'' "No... connection". :'''Amanda Waller''': Nanaue? :'''King Shark''': ''[pointing to his raised hand]'' Hand. :'''Amanda Waller''': Yes, that is your hand, Nanaue. Very good. :'''Bloodsport''': We're all gonna die. :'''Polka-Dot Man''': ''[turning to him]'' I hope so. :'''Bloodsport''': Oh, for fuck's sake... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gaius Grieves''': Hey, what is this?! You slaughtered my staff! :'''Mateo Suarez''': They were loyal to the Herreras. Who are you loyal to, Thinker? They call you "Thinker", yes? All that shit in your face is to make your brain good? :'''Gaius Grieves''': ''[sarcastic]'' Yes, it makes my brain good. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Peacemaker''': You've gotta be kidding me. You're gonna risk the entire mission for a mental defective dressed as a court jester? :'''Bloodsport''': THIS coming from a guy that wears a toilet seat on his head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Nanaue''': ''[staring at pigeon]'' Bird. :'''Rick Flag''': Nanaue, stay off the comm! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Once we're clear, we blow the tits off that thing, and go home. :'''Gaius Grieves''': This is suicide. :'''Rick Flag''': Well, that's kind of our thing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Are you Milton? :'''Milton''': ''[traumatized and crying]'' Si! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Peacemaker''': God damn it, Nanaue. ''[pointing sternly]'' No! Quit being a playbaby. :'''Nanaue''': ''[offers a lump of C4 he has shaped to look like...]'' Peacemaker. :'''Peacemaker''': ...It's actually very nice. Just put it against the wall. It looks nothin' like me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ratcatcher 2''': I knew Sebastian sensed good in you for a reason. :'''Bloodsport''': Just keep that fucking rat away from me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cleo''': Why rats, Papa? :'''Ratcatcher 1''': Rats are the lowliest and most despised of all creatures, my love. If they have purpose, so do we all. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Oh, that’s just a taste of what’s on that drive. I’ve uploaded it all to a secure server. Now, if you kill any one of us, or my daughter ever sees the inside of a prison, it goes public. If we all go free, it never has to see the light of day. :'''Amanda Waller''': I told you I’d make you a leader, DuBois. You got a deal. == Taglines == * They're dying to save the world. * Don't get too attached. == Cast == * [[Margot Robbie]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Harleen Quinzel / Harley Quinn]] * [[Idris Elba]] – [[w:Bloodsport (character)|Robert DuBois / Bloodsport]] * [[John Cena]] – [[w:Peacemaker (comics)|Christopher Smith / Peacemaker]] * [[w:Joel Kinnaman|Joel Kinnaman]] as [[w:Rick Flag|Rick Flag]] * [[Sylvester Stallone]] – [[w:King Shark|Nanaue / King Shark]] * [[w:Viola Davis|Viola Davis]] as [[w:Amanda Waller|Amanda Waller]] * [[w:David Dastmalchian|David Dastmalchian]] – [[w:Polka-Dot Man|Abner Krill / Polka-Dot Man]] * [[w:Daniela Melchior|Daniela Melchior]] - [[w:Ratcatcher (comics)|Cleo Cazo / Ratcatcher 2]] * [[w:Jai Courtney|Jai Courtney]] - [[w:Captain Boomerang|George "Digger" Harkness / Captain Boomerang]] * [[w:Peter Capaldi|Peter Capaldi]] - [[w:Thinker (DC Comics)|Dr. Gaius Grieves / The Thinker]] * [[w:Michael Rooker|Michael Rooker]] - [[w:Savant (DC Comics)|Brian Durlin / Savant]] * [[w:Alice Braga|Alice Braga]] - Sol Soria * [[w:Pete Davidson|Pete Davidson]] - [[w:100 (DC Comics)#1,000 Operatives|Richard "Dick" Hertz / Blackguard]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{IMDb title|6334354|The Suicide Squad}} {{DC Comics live-action films}} [[Category:2021 films]] [[Category:Action films]] [[Category:2020s American films]] [[Category:Apocalyptic films]] [[Category:Comic book films]] [[Category:Sequel films]] [[Category:Crime films]] [[Category:DC Extended Universe]] [[Category:Prison films]] [[Category:Science fiction films]] [[Category:Superhero drama films]] [[Category:Supervillain films]] [[Category:Screenplays by James Gunn]] [[Category:Films based on DC Comics]] [[Category:Films directed by James Gunn]] [[Category:Suicide Squad]] [[Category:Films set in a fictional country]] [[Category:Films about sharks]] r4vh465yjryo00djjx5v8cfyx54249c 3949231 3949230 2026-06-05T14:50:56Z ~2026-33347-68 3336830 3949231 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Suicide Squad (film)|The Suicide Squad]]''''' is a [[w:2021 in film|2021]] American [[w:Superhero film|superhero film]] about a task force of convicts who are sent to destroy a Nazi-era laboratory and encounter face-to-face the giant alien [[w:Starro|Starro]]. It is a standalone sequel to 2016's ''[[Suicide Squad (film)|Suicide Squad]]'' and is the tenth installment in the [[w:DC Extended Universe|DC Extended Universe]]. {{DEFAULTSORT:Suicide Squad (film), The}} :''Directed and written by [[w:James Gunn|James Gunn]], based on the DC Comics team of [[w:Suicide Squad|the same name]].'' {{center|'''They're dying to save the world.'''{{small|([[#Taglines|taglines]])}}}} {{film-stub}} == [[w:Bloodsport (character)|Robert DuBois / Bloodsport]] == * I'm not joining your Suicide Squad. ''['''Amanda Waller:''' We'll see.]'' * Tyla, I told you when I came here that any goodness I ever had in me had been wrung out bare by my old man. I also told you to go out there and do your own thing, and to stay far away from me or anyone like me, didn't I? So why are you here when you and I both know I have nothing good to offer you? * You're threatening my f***ing daughter! * ''[Rated PG; Version]'' ??? * ''[Rated PG-13; Version]'' ??? * We're all gonna die. * Oh, for f**k's sake. * We find out any information you've given us is false, you die. * F***. * ''[Rated PG; Version]'' ??? * ''[Rated PG-13; Version]'' ??? * It's your Mom! == [[w:Harley Quinn|Harleen Quinzel / Harley Quinn]] == * Hey, guys, sorry I'm late. Had to get a number two. ''['''Rick Flag:''' Good to know.]'' * Oh, my God! Is it a werewolf? * I'm sorry. Recently, I made a promise to myself that the next time I got a boyfriend, I'd be on the lookout for red flags. And if I saw any, I would do the healthy thing, and murder them. Killing kids? Kind of a red flag. * We find out you have personalized license plates, you die. * I love the rain, it's like angels are splooging all over us! == [[w:Peacemaker (comics)|Christopher Smith / Peacemaker]] == * Starfish is a slang term for a butthole. Think there's any connection? ''['''Amanda Waller:''' No.]'' * You’re being facetious, but if this whole beach was completely covered in dicks and somebody said I had to eat every dick until the beach was clean for liberty, I would say "no problemo!" ''['''Ratcatcher 2:''' Why would someone put penises all over the beach?]'' Who knows why madmen do what they do? * I cherish peace with all my heart. I don't care how many men, women and children I need to kill to get it. * (regarding his helmet) It's not a toilet seat, it's a beacon of freedom! * ''[preparing to kill Ratcatcher 2]'' Sorry, kid. == [[w:Rick Flag|Rick Flag]] == * Here's the deal, we fail the mission, you die. * Hey, hey! He's not a werewolf, okay? He's a weasel! He's harmless. I mean... he's not harmless, he's killed twenty-seven children, but y'know... we got him to.. I ''think'' he's agreed to do this. Whatever the case, everyone get into position to drop. * Did anyone check on whether Weasel could SWIM?! * I didn't pick the damn team! * Nanaue, stay off the comm! * '''THEY EXPERIMENTED ON CHILDREN!''' * (last words) Peacemaker. What a f***in' joke. * ''[Rated PG; Version]'' ??? * ''[Rated PG-13; Version]'' ??? == [[w:Amanda Waller|Amanda Waller]] == * Robert DuBois. He's imprisoned for putting [[w:Clark Kent (DC Extended Universe)|Superman]] in the ICU with a Kryptonite bullet. * Nanaue's the strongest member of your team. You need him to get into Jotunheim. * I wouldn't take such extreme measures if this mission weren't more important than you could possibly imagine. I'm protecting this country. You don't know half of what I would do. * Are you in or out? Good. Let's meet your team. * You know the deal. Successfully complete the mission, you get ten years off your sentence. You fail to follow my orders in any way, and I detonate the explosive device in the base of your skull. * ''['''King Shark:''' Hand.]'' Yes, that is your hand. Very good. * Your mission is to destroy every trace of something known only as Project Starfish. == [[w:Captain Boomerang|George "Digger" Harkness / Captain Boomerang]] == * What kind of dog do you think it is, mate? * ''All'' names are letters, dickhead! * (last words) Strewth! == [[w:King Shark|Nanaue / King Shark]] == * So smart, Me. Enjoy book so much. * Where go, Friends? * Nom nom? * Hand. * Bird. * New dumb friends! == [[w:Ratcatcher (comics)|Cleo Cazo / Ratcatcher 2]] == * Why would someone put penises all over the beach? * If I die because I gambled on love, it will be a worthy death. * ''[to Polka-Dot Man]'' I thought you were the crazy one. ''['''Polka-Dot Man:''' I am.]'' * ''['''Bloodsport:''' I'm gonna get you outta here alive.]'' I’m going to get YOU out of here alive. == [[w:Polka-Dot Man|Abner Krill / Polka-Dot Man]] == * ''['''Ratcather 2:''' I thought you were the crazy one.]'' I am. * I don't like to kill people, but if I pretend they're my mom, it's easy. * ''[on killing soldiers]'' I turned them into my mother in my head and killed them. * Aw, fizzle sticks, hold on. * (last words) I'm a Superhero! I'm a motherf**ing su-! == [[w:Thinker (DC Comics)|Dr. Gaius Grieves / The Thinker]] == * This is suicide. ''['''Rick Flag:''' Well, that's kind of our thing.]'' * I call it Starro the Conqueror! * Let's just talk about this. I understand where you're coming from I crossed the line. Okay! I crossed the line! But I'm ready to change! I AM ready to change! Please! I didn't mean to hurt you! == [[w:Starro the Conquerer|Starro the Conquerer]]== * Have you come to save me from that madman? Thirty years he's kept me here, torturing me. * This city is mine. * (last words) I was happy... floating, staring at the stars. * ''[Rated PG; Version]'' ??? * ''[Rated PG-13; Version]'' ??? == Others == * '''Calendar Man:''' Hey, Polka-Dot Man! I was hoping you'd entertain my kid's birthday party! YA F***IN' PUSSY!!! (laughs maniacally) * '''Emilia Harcourt:''' Oh, come the f*** on. Bloodsport's got a RAT PHOBIA == Dialogue == :'''Harley Quinn''': I love your accent. :'''Javelin''': American women ALL love accents. :'''Harley Quinn''': We do. 'Cause we don't got none! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Javelin''': What does T.D.K. stand for? :'''T.D.K.''': What? :'''Javelin''': Your name is T.D.K., correct? :'''T.D.K.''': Yeah. :'''Javelin''': And it stands for WHAT? :'''T.D.K.''': It stands for me. It's what a name is. :'''Javelin''': Your name is letters? :'''Captain Boomerang''': All names are letters, dickhead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Next time you wanna nick something, you take a partner and they can be a lookout. :'''Tyla Dubois''': That's your advice? :'''Bloodsport''': Yeah. :'''Tyla Dubois''': You're a terrible father. :'''Bloodsport''': Hey, I didn't ask to be a father in the first place. :'''Tyla Dubois''': I know. You make that perfectly clear. :'''Bloodsport''': Your mother sprung that one on me. :'''Tyla Dubois''': Well, she's not around anymore, so you can lay off of her, okay? :'''Bloodsport''': Oh, I tried to lay off her, but then she dragged out the paternity test. :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': No, F*** YOU! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': F*** YOU! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': F*** YOU! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': ''F*** you''! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! I can't believe you don't care that I stole, only that I got caught! :'''Bloodsport''': I don't only care that you got caught, I care that you got caught for stealing something as STUPID as a f***ing TV watch! :'''Tyla Dubois''': It does other things too!! :'''Bloodsport''': Nothing better that your phone can't fucking do, it's embarrassing! :'''Tyla Dubois''': No, what's f***ing embarrassing is having you as my father! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': To get me to lead your sh**e f***ing mission, you're gonna send my fourteen year-old daughter to prison? :'''Amanda Waller''': No. ''[pause]'' Your daughter is ''sixteen'', DuBois. You're a real father of the year. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Each member of your team is chosen for his or her own completely unique set of abilities. This is Christopher Smith, known as Peacemaker. In his hands, anything is a deadly weapon. His father was a soldier who trained his son how to kill from the moment he was born. :'''Bloodsport''': Are you having a laugh? :'''Amanda Waller''': What? :'''Bloodsport''': You just said each member of the team is chosen for their unique abilities. He does exactly what I do! :'''Peacemaker''': But BETTER. :'''Bloodsport:''' I always hit my targets dead center. :'''Peacemaker:''' I hit them MORE in the center. :'''Bloodsport:''' Well, you can't hit something more in the center. :'''Peacemaker:''' I use smaller bullets. :'''Bloodsport:''' What? :'''Peacemaker:''' They go inside your bullet holes without even touching the sides. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Miss Cazo, will you be joining us? :'''Cleo / Ratcatcher 2''': ''[groans]'' I just woke up. I don't function well early in the morning. :'''Amanda Waller''': My deepest apologies for disturbing you. :'''Ratcatcher 2''': It's all right. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[bangs on cell door]'' Get your ass out here! :'''Ratcatcher 2''': ''[groans and gets up]'' :'''Peacemaker''': ''[scoffs]'' Millenials. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': ''[notices a rat on Ratcatcher's shoulder]'' Oh, no way. That's not coming with us. :'''Amanda Waller''': She controls rats. :'''Bloodsport''': I know, I caught that. It's a DISGUSTING superpower! :'''Ratcatcher 2''': This is Sebastian. Say hello, Sebastian. ''[the rat offers its paw]'' :'''Bloodsport''': I'm not shaking the rat's hand. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[introducing Abner Krill]'' They call him the Polka-Dot Man. :'''Peacemaker''': ''[scoffs]'' Polka-Dot Man. What's he do, throw polka-dots at people? ''[Waller remains silent]'' He does. He throws polka-dots at people. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Peacemaker''': "Starfish" is a slang term for a butthole. Think there's any connection? :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[deadpan]'' No. :'''Peacemaker''': ''[jotting in notebook]'' "No... connection". :'''Amanda Waller''': Nanaue? :'''King Shark''': ''[pointing to his raised hand]'' Hand. :'''Amanda Waller''': Yes, that is your hand, Nanaue. Very good. :'''Bloodsport''': We're all gonna die. :'''Polka-Dot Man''': ''[turning to him]'' I hope so. :'''Bloodsport''': Oh, for fuck's sake... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gaius Grieves''': Hey, what is this?! You slaughtered my staff! :'''Mateo Suarez''': They were loyal to the Herreras. Who are you loyal to, Thinker? They call you "Thinker", yes? All that shit in your face is to make your brain good? :'''Gaius Grieves''': ''[sarcastic]'' Yes, it makes my brain good. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Peacemaker''': You've gotta be kidding me. You're gonna risk the entire mission for a mental defective dressed as a court jester? :'''Bloodsport''': THIS coming from a guy that wears a toilet seat on his head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Nanaue''': ''[staring at pigeon]'' Bird. :'''Rick Flag''': Nanaue, stay off the comm! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Once we're clear, we blow the tits off that thing, and go home. :'''Gaius Grieves''': This is suicide. :'''Rick Flag''': Well, that's kind of our thing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Are you Milton? :'''Milton''': ''[traumatized and crying]'' Si! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Peacemaker''': God damn it, Nanaue. ''[pointing sternly]'' No! Quit being a playbaby. :'''Nanaue''': ''[offers a lump of C4 he has shaped to look like...]'' Peacemaker. :'''Peacemaker''': ...It's actually very nice. Just put it against the wall. It looks nothin' like me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ratcatcher 2''': I knew Sebastian sensed good in you for a reason. :'''Bloodsport''': Just keep that fucking rat away from me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cleo''': Why rats, Papa? :'''Ratcatcher 1''': Rats are the lowliest and most despised of all creatures, my love. If they have purpose, so do we all. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Oh, that’s just a taste of what’s on that drive. I’ve uploaded it all to a secure server. Now, if you kill any one of us, or my daughter ever sees the inside of a prison, it goes public. If we all go free, it never has to see the light of day. :'''Amanda Waller''': I told you I’d make you a leader, DuBois. You got a deal. == Taglines == * They're dying to save the world. * Don't get too attached. == Cast == * [[Margot Robbie]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Harleen Quinzel / Harley Quinn]] * [[Idris Elba]] – [[w:Bloodsport (character)|Robert DuBois / Bloodsport]] * [[John Cena]] – [[w:Peacemaker (comics)|Christopher Smith / Peacemaker]] * [[w:Joel Kinnaman|Joel Kinnaman]] as [[w:Rick Flag|Rick Flag]] * [[Sylvester Stallone]] – [[w:King Shark|Nanaue / King Shark]] * [[w:Viola Davis|Viola Davis]] as [[w:Amanda Waller|Amanda Waller]] * [[w:David Dastmalchian|David Dastmalchian]] – [[w:Polka-Dot Man|Abner Krill / Polka-Dot Man]] * [[w:Daniela Melchior|Daniela Melchior]] - [[w:Ratcatcher (comics)|Cleo Cazo / Ratcatcher 2]] * [[w:Jai Courtney|Jai Courtney]] - [[w:Captain Boomerang|George "Digger" Harkness / Captain Boomerang]] * [[w:Peter Capaldi|Peter Capaldi]] - [[w:Thinker (DC Comics)|Dr. Gaius Grieves / The Thinker]] * [[w:Michael Rooker|Michael Rooker]] - [[w:Savant (DC Comics)|Brian Durlin / Savant]] * [[w:Alice Braga|Alice Braga]] - Sol Soria * [[w:Pete Davidson|Pete Davidson]] - [[w:100 (DC Comics)#1,000 Operatives|Richard "Dick" Hertz / Blackguard]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{IMDb title|6334354|The Suicide Squad}} {{DC Comics live-action films}} [[Category:2021 films]] [[Category:Action films]] [[Category:2020s American films]] [[Category:Apocalyptic films]] [[Category:Comic book films]] [[Category:Sequel films]] [[Category:Crime films]] [[Category:DC Extended Universe]] [[Category:Prison films]] [[Category:Science fiction films]] [[Category:Superhero drama films]] [[Category:Supervillain films]] [[Category:Screenplays by James Gunn]] [[Category:Films based on DC Comics]] [[Category:Films directed by James Gunn]] [[Category:Suicide Squad]] [[Category:Films set in a fictional country]] [[Category:Films about sharks]] 8mbixsp06b31ierrvu8xh2ddbf356u3 3949232 3949231 2026-06-05T14:52:30Z ~2026-33347-68 3336830 3949232 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Suicide Squad (film)|The Suicide Squad]]''''' is a [[w:2021 in film|2021]] American [[w:Superhero film|superhero film]] about a task force of convicts who are sent to destroy a Nazi-era laboratory and encounter face-to-face the giant alien [[w:Starro|Starro]]. It is a standalone sequel to 2016's ''[[Suicide Squad (film)|Suicide Squad]]'' and is the tenth installment in the [[w:DC Extended Universe|DC Extended Universe]]. {{DEFAULTSORT:Suicide Squad (film), The}} :''Directed and written by [[w:James Gunn|James Gunn]], based on the DC Comics team of [[w:Suicide Squad|the same name]].'' {{center|'''They're dying to save the world.'''{{small|([[#Taglines|taglines]])}}}} {{film-stub}} == [[w:Bloodsport (character)|Robert DuBois / Bloodsport]] == * I'm not joining your Suicide Squad. ''['''Amanda Waller:''' We'll see.]'' * Tyla, I told you when I came here that any goodness I ever had in me had been wrung out bare by my old man. I also told you to go out there and do your own thing, and to stay far away from me or anyone like me, didn't I? So why are you here when you and I both know I have nothing good to offer you? * You're threatening my f***ing daughter! * ''[Rated PG; Version]'' ??? * ''[Rated PG-13; Version]'' ??? * We're all gonna die. * Oh, for f**k's sake. * We find out any information you've given us is false, you die. * F***. * ''[Rated PG; Version]'' ??? * ''[Rated PG-13; Version]'' ??? * It's your Mom! == [[w:Harley Quinn|Harleen Quinzel / Harley Quinn]] == * Hey, guys, sorry I'm late. Had to get a number two. ''['''Rick Flag:''' Good to know.]'' * Oh, my God! Is it a werewolf? * I'm sorry. Recently, I made a promise to myself that the next time I got a boyfriend, I'd be on the lookout for red flags. And if I saw any, I would do the healthy thing, and murder them. Killing kids? Kind of a red flag. * We find out you have personalized license plates, you die. * I love the rain, it's like angels are splooging all over us! == [[w:Peacemaker (comics)|Christopher Smith / Peacemaker]] == * Starfish is a slang term for a butthole. Think there's any connection? ''['''Amanda Waller:''' No.]'' * You’re being facetious, but if this whole beach was completely covered in dicks and somebody said I had to eat every dick until the beach was clean for liberty, I would say "no problemo!" ''['''Ratcatcher 2:''' Why would someone put penises all over the beach?]'' Who knows why madmen do what they do? * I cherish peace with all my heart. I don't care how many men, women and children I need to kill to get it. * (regarding his helmet) It's not a toilet seat, it's a beacon of freedom! * ''[preparing to kill Ratcatcher 2]'' Sorry, kid. == [[w:Rick Flag|Rick Flag]] == * Here's the deal, we fail the mission, you die. * Hey, hey! He's not a werewolf, okay? He's a weasel! He's harmless. I mean... he's not harmless, he's killed twenty-seven children, but y'know... we got him to.. I ''think'' he's agreed to do this. Whatever the case, everyone get into position to drop. * Did anyone check on whether Weasel could SWIM?! * I didn't pick the damn team! * Nanaue, stay off the comm! * '''THEY EXPERIMENTED ON CHILDREN!''' * (last words) Peacemaker. What a f***in' joke. * ''[Rated PG; Version]'' ??? * ''[Rated PG-13; Version]'' ??? == [[w:Amanda Waller|Amanda Waller]] == * Robert DuBois. He's imprisoned for putting [[w:Clark Kent (DC Extended Universe)|Superman]] in the ICU with a Kryptonite bullet. * Nanaue's the strongest member of your team. You need him to get into Jotunheim. * I wouldn't take such extreme measures if this mission weren't more important than you could possibly imagine. I'm protecting this country. You don't know half of what I would do. * Are you in or out? Good. Let's meet your team. * You know the deal. Successfully complete the mission, you get ten years off your sentence. You fail to follow my orders in any way, and I detonate the explosive device in the base of your skull. * ''['''King Shark:''' Hand.]'' Yes, that is your hand. Very good. * Your mission is to destroy every trace of something known only as Project Starfish. == [[w:Captain Boomerang|George "Digger" Harkness / Captain Boomerang]] == * What kind of dog do you think it is, mate? * ''All'' names are letters, dickhead! * (last words) Strewth! == [[w:King Shark|Nanaue / King Shark]] == * So smart, Me. Enjoy book so much. * Where go, Friends? * Nom nom? * Hand. * Bird. * New dumb friends! == [[w:Ratcatcher (comics)|Cleo Cazo / Ratcatcher 2]] == * Why would someone put penises all over the beach? * If I die because I gambled on love, it will be a worthy death. * ''[to Polka-Dot Man]'' I thought you were the crazy one. ''['''Polka-Dot Man:''' I am.]'' * ''['''Bloodsport:''' I'm gonna get you outta here alive.]'' I’m going to get YOU out of here alive. == [[w:Polka-Dot Man|Abner Krill / Polka-Dot Man]] == * ''['''Ratcather 2:''' I thought you were the crazy one.]'' I am. * I don't like to kill people, but if I pretend they're my mom, it's easy. * ''[on killing soldiers]'' I turned them into my mother in my head and killed them. * Aw, fizzle sticks, hold on. * (last words) I'm a Superhero! I'm a motherf**ing su-! == [[w:Thinker (DC Comics)|Dr. Gaius Grieves / The Thinker]] == * This is suicide. ''['''Rick Flag:''' Well, that's kind of our thing.]'' * I call it Starro the Conqueror! * Let's just talk about this. I understand where you're coming from I crossed the line. Okay! I crossed the line! But I'm ready to change! I AM ready to change! Please! I didn't mean to hurt you! == [[w:Starro the Conquerer|Starro the Conquerer]]== * Have you come to save me from that madman? Thirty years he's kept me here, torturing me. * This city is mine. * (last words) I was happy... floating, staring at the stars. * ''[Rated PG; Version]'' ??? * ''[Rated PG-13; Version]'' ??? == Others == * '''Calendar Man:''' Hey, Polka-Dot Man! I was hoping you'd entertain my kid's birthday party! YA F***IN' PUSSY!!! (laughs maniacally) * '''Emilia Harcourt:''' Oh, come the f*** on. Bloodsport's got a RAT PHOBIA == Dialogue == :'''Harley Quinn''': I love your accent. :'''Javelin''': American women ALL love accents. :'''Harley Quinn''': We do. 'Cause we don't got none! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Javelin''': What does T.D.K. stand for? :'''T.D.K.''': What? :'''Javelin''': Your name is T.D.K., correct? :'''T.D.K.''': Yeah. :'''Javelin''': And it stands for WHAT? :'''T.D.K.''': It stands for me. It's what a name is. :'''Javelin''': Your name is letters? :'''Captain Boomerang''': All names are letters, dickhead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Next time you wanna nick something, you take a partner and they can be a lookout. :'''Tyla Dubois''': That's your advice? :'''Bloodsport''': Yeah. :'''Tyla Dubois''': You're a terrible father. :'''Bloodsport''': Hey, I didn't ask to be a father in the first place. :'''Tyla Dubois''': I know. You make that perfectly clear. :'''Bloodsport''': Your mother sprung that one on me. :'''Tyla Dubois''': Well, she's not around anymore, so you can lay off of her, okay? :'''Bloodsport''': Oh, I tried to lay off her, but then she dragged out the paternity test. :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': No, F*** YOU! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': F*** YOU! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': F*** YOU! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! :'''Bloodsport''': ''F*** you''! :'''Tyla Dubois''': F*** YOU! I can't believe you don't care that I stole, only that I got caught! :'''Bloodsport''': I don't only care that you got caught, I care that you got caught for stealing something as STUPID as a f***ing TV watch! :'''Tyla Dubois''': It does other things too!! :'''Bloodsport''': Nothing better that your phone can't fucking do, it's embarrassing! :'''Tyla Dubois''': No, what's f***ing embarrassing is having you as my father! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': To get me to lead your sh**e f***ing mission, you're gonna send my fourteen year-old daughter to prison? :'''Amanda Waller''': No. ''[pause]'' Your daughter is ''sixteen'', DuBois. You're a real father of the year. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Each member of your team is chosen for his or her own completely unique set of abilities. This is Christopher Smith, known as Peacemaker. In his hands, anything is a deadly weapon. His father was a soldier who trained his son how to kill from the moment he was born. :'''Bloodsport''': Are you having a laugh? :'''Amanda Waller''': What? :'''Bloodsport''': You just said each member of the team is chosen for their unique abilities. He does exactly what I do! :'''Peacemaker''': But BETTER. :'''Bloodsport:''' I always hit my targets dead center. :'''Peacemaker:''' I hit them MORE in the center. :'''Bloodsport:''' Well, you can't hit something more in the center. :'''Peacemaker:''' I use smaller bullets. :'''Bloodsport:''' What? :'''Peacemaker:''' They go inside your bullet holes without even touching the sides. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Miss Cazo, will you be joining us? :'''Cleo / Ratcatcher 2''': ''[groans]'' I just woke up. I don't function well early in the morning. :'''Amanda Waller''': My deepest apologies for disturbing you. :'''Ratcatcher 2''': It's all right. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[bangs on cell door]'' Get your ass out here! :'''Ratcatcher 2''': ''[groans and gets up]'' :'''Peacemaker''': ''[scoffs]'' Millenials. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': ''[notices a rat on Ratcatcher's shoulder]'' Oh, no way. That's not coming with us. :'''Amanda Waller''': She controls rats. :'''Bloodsport''': I know, I caught that. It's a DISGUSTING superpower! :'''Ratcatcher 2''': This is Sebastian. Say hello, Sebastian. ''[the rat offers its paw]'' :'''Bloodsport''': I'm not shaking the rat's hand. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[introducing Abner Krill]'' They call him the Polka-Dot Man. :'''Peacemaker''': ''[scoffs]'' Polka-Dot Man. What's he do, throw polka-dots at people? ''[Waller remains silent]'' He does. He throws polka-dots at people. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Peacemaker''': "Starfish" is a slang term for a butthole. Think there's any connection? :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[deadpan]'' No. :'''Peacemaker''': ''[jotting in notebook]'' "No... connection". :'''Amanda Waller''': Nanaue? :'''King Shark''': ''[pointing to his raised hand]'' Hand. :'''Amanda Waller''': Yes, that is your hand, Nanaue. Very good. :'''Bloodsport''': We're all gonna die. :'''Polka-Dot Man''': ''[turning to him]'' I hope so. :'''Bloodsport''': Oh, for f**k's sake... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gaius Grieves''': Hey, what is this?! You slaughtered my staff! :'''Mateo Suarez''': They were loyal to the Herreras. Who are you loyal to, Thinker? They call you "Thinker", yes? All that shit in your face is to make your brain good? :'''Gaius Grieves''': ''[sarcastic]'' Yes, it makes my brain good. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Peacemaker''': You've gotta be kidding me. You're gonna risk the entire mission for a mental defective dressed as a court jester? :'''Bloodsport''': THIS coming from a guy that wears a toilet seat on his head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Nanaue''': ''[staring at pigeon]'' Bird. :'''Rick Flag''': Nanaue, stay off the comm! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Once we're clear, we blow the tits off that thing, and go home. :'''Gaius Grieves''': This is suicide. :'''Rick Flag''': Well, that's kind of our thing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Are you Milton? :'''Milton''': ''[traumatized and crying]'' Si! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Peacemaker''': God damn it, Nanaue. ''[pointing sternly]'' No! Quit being a playbaby. :'''Nanaue''': ''[offers a lump of C4 he has shaped to look like...]'' Peacemaker. :'''Peacemaker''': ...It's actually very nice. Just put it against the wall. It looks nothin' like me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ratcatcher 2''': I knew Sebastian sensed good in you for a reason. :'''Bloodsport''': Just keep that f***ing rat away from me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cleo''': Why rats, Papa? :'''Ratcatcher 1''': Rats are the lowliest and most despised of all creatures, my love. If they have purpose, so do we all. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bloodsport''': Oh, that’s just a taste of what’s on that drive. I’ve uploaded it all to a secure server. Now, if you kill any one of us, or my daughter ever sees the inside of a prison, it goes public. If we all go free, it never has to see the light of day. :'''Amanda Waller''': I told you I’d make you a leader, DuBois. You got a deal. == Taglines == * They're dying to save the world. * Don't get too attached. == Cast == * [[Margot Robbie]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Harleen Quinzel / Harley Quinn]] * [[Idris Elba]] – [[w:Bloodsport (character)|Robert DuBois / Bloodsport]] * [[John Cena]] – [[w:Peacemaker (comics)|Christopher Smith / Peacemaker]] * [[w:Joel Kinnaman|Joel Kinnaman]] as [[w:Rick Flag|Rick Flag]] * [[Sylvester Stallone]] – [[w:King Shark|Nanaue / King Shark]] * [[w:Viola Davis|Viola Davis]] as [[w:Amanda Waller|Amanda Waller]] * [[w:David Dastmalchian|David Dastmalchian]] – [[w:Polka-Dot Man|Abner Krill / Polka-Dot Man]] * [[w:Daniela Melchior|Daniela Melchior]] - [[w:Ratcatcher (comics)|Cleo Cazo / Ratcatcher 2]] * [[w:Jai Courtney|Jai Courtney]] - [[w:Captain Boomerang|George "Digger" Harkness / Captain Boomerang]] * [[w:Peter Capaldi|Peter Capaldi]] - [[w:Thinker (DC Comics)|Dr. Gaius Grieves / The Thinker]] * [[w:Michael Rooker|Michael Rooker]] - [[w:Savant (DC Comics)|Brian Durlin / Savant]] * [[w:Alice Braga|Alice Braga]] - Sol Soria * [[w:Pete Davidson|Pete Davidson]] - [[w:100 (DC Comics)#1,000 Operatives|Richard "Dick" Hertz / Blackguard]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{IMDb title|6334354|The Suicide Squad}} {{DC Comics live-action films}} [[Category:2021 films]] [[Category:Action films]] [[Category:2020s American films]] [[Category:Apocalyptic films]] [[Category:Comic book films]] [[Category:Sequel films]] [[Category:Crime films]] [[Category:DC Extended Universe]] [[Category:Prison films]] [[Category:Science fiction films]] [[Category:Superhero drama films]] [[Category:Supervillain films]] [[Category:Screenplays by James Gunn]] [[Category:Films based on DC Comics]] [[Category:Films directed by James Gunn]] [[Category:Suicide Squad]] [[Category:Films set in a fictional country]] [[Category:Films about sharks]] 4ofrusbs7467gq33o3ylqr51mfd7m7x 0 240409 3949450 3919788 2026-06-06T06:50:23Z Koavf 6765 3949450 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Marcus Stock|Marcus Stock]]''' (born 27 August 1961) is an English bishop of the Catholic Church. == Quotes == *I would say ... that for most of those coming into the Catholic Church that [i.e. not knowing what is going to develop in the Church of England] isn't the single-issue reason for their journey. The clergy and the people coming have long hoped for corporate reunion between the Catholic and the Anglican Church; that has been their genuine desire and hope. **[https://www.americamagazine.org/content/all-things/ordinariate-ii-interview-fr-marcus-stock Ordinariate II: an interview with Fr Marcus Stock] (January&nbsp;11, 2011) == External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat|Marcus Nigel Stock}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Stock, Marcus}} [[Category:1961 births]] [[Category:People from London]] [[Category:Catholics from England]] [[Category:Roman Catholic bishops]] [[Category:Living people]] 7y6if7d2rd2o5hbx1x0kkj1x70a3ad5 0 240753 3949347 3943942 2026-06-05T23:51:16Z ~2026-33411-58 3337046 /* [25]Colors of Raven */ 3949347 wikitext text/x-wiki {{cleanup}} ''[[Teen Titans Go! (TV series)|Teen Titans Go!]]'' is an American animated television series based on the DC Comics fictional superhero team, the Teen Titans. The series is a more comedic take on the DC Comics franchise, dealing with situations that happen every day. ==Season 1== ===[1|1]Legendary Sandwich=== :'''Cyborg''': It's like a metaphor (High fives Robin) '''booyah!''' [Chewing] [Mmm noises] :'''Raven''': (disgusted)arg you guys eat like animals [Pig noises] :'''Beast Boy''': (in pig form)What Raven? :'''Raven''': well you get a pass,but you guys are disgusting <hr width=50%/> [Aww in Amazement] :'''Beast Boy''': Delicious <hr width=50%/> :'''Robin''': we have no idea were to look :'''Raven''': make no mistake (Summons her legend book) the Bacon hidden away in one of volcanoes :'''Cyborg''': I got heat resistance baby I'm on it :'''Raven''': Next is the lettuce hidden underground :'''Beast Boy''': I can dig it (transforms into a mole and digs underground) :'''Raven''': then there's the stella-Tomato hidden among the stars ===[2|2]Pie Bros=== :'''Cyborg''': I'd like to thank you all for coming,you Know taking time off from your jobs (glares at beast boy angrily and drops the glass)oh oh I guess someone is gonna have clean that up (throws a pie on the ground)man I am so clumsy today,(throws another pie)oh cleaning crew I guess beast Boy has to come over and (Beast boy throws the pie on Cyborg's face) :'''Beast Boy''': How dumb can you be, I'm only making some few extra bucks so I can buy an expensive present :'''cyborg''': I didn't tell get a job :'''Beast Boy''': But an Hallucination of you did and the real you made fun of my pie suit. [Cyborg loads his Arm cannon with Pies and starts shooting at Beast Boy and Beast Boy Grabs the pies and their pie war continues] ===[3]Driver's Ed=== :'''Robin''': beast boy there is an emergency get the car we got to go (as they leave,the boss on the video game destroys beast boy's avatar ending the game with '''''GAME OVER''''') :'''Beast boy''': what's the emergency :'''Robin''':we gotta monster to deal with,a monster case of the munchies <hr width=50%/> :'''Robin''': guys get the car we gotta go (the other Titans ignore him) guys it's an emergency Go!Go!Go!(the other Titans still ignore him) guys emergency :'''Raven''':oh yeah what's the big emergency? :'''Robin''': everything is half off at the dollar store :'''Cyborg''':man you have been bugging us with these rides all week,you know you know mest up my daily back up right your glad I didn't lose any important data ===[4]Dog Hand=== :'''Beast Boy''': hey rae rae what's going on you know more than usual,uh!(Raven zaps Beast Boy literary into dust) :'''Raven''':I don't want to talk about it :'''Cyborg''':Come on sing little birdy (Raven transforms into her demon form and traps Cyborg to the fridge with her tentacles) :'''Raven''':I said I don't want to talk about it :'''Cyborg''':And I totally respect that :'''Robin''':Raven :'''Raven''':fine(revives beast boy and let's cyborg go)my father...is coming Robin:oh no <hr width=50%/> :'''Raven''':You don't know how annoying my dad can be :'''Starfire''':(Earth teen voice)Dude you got it twisted your father is the bom :'''Raven''':Why are you talking like that?,how are you talking like that? :'''Beast Boy''':(in shape of a green cup that Raven is drinking from)your dad gave her the power to speak like an earth teen :'''Raven''':(spits out the water) uh :'''Beast Boy''':and he gave me the power to transform into anything I want(transforms into a bean bag) :'''Raven''':and you chose to be a bean bag :'''Beast Boy''':now I can veg out on my self <hr width=50%/> :'''Robin''':notice anything different Raven :'''Raven''':your twitching :'''Robin''':yep(flexes some parts of his body and rips the TV from the cables and throws towards Raven and Cyborg but they quickly dodge it) :'''Raven''':what you didn't want anything from my dad :'''Cyborg''': cause not,he gave me a dog for a hand(while the dog Lick's him)quite it quite it,(the dog hand continues licking him)I love you so much dog hand, I just I just,I love you so much ===[5]Double Trouble=== (Cyborg runs through the forest,a dinosaur chasing him roars of screen the dinosaur gets closer and grabs hin with it's teeth and seemingly eats him) :'''Cyborg''': (screams)let me out it stinks in here (The dinosaur, actually beast boy spits cyborg out and de-transform) :'''Beast Boy''': (laughs)you lose again chrome dome <hr width=50%/> :'''Cyborg''': Easy for to say (terrified) I don't wanna get eaten :'''Beast Boy''': then you better start running because (yells)you got thirty seconds (closes his eyes and begins to count while cyborg runs away)1 messzoe 2 messzoe ===[25]Colors of Raven=== :'''Red Raven''': I told you not to mess around with that thing! ''[slaps Cyborg in the face]'' :'''Cyborg''': Ow! <hr width=50%/> :'''Robin''': It seems the prism has divided Raven into the five core parts of her personality. Purple is her passion. :'''Cyborg''': Red is her rage. :'''Starfire''': Pink, her happiness. :'''Beast Boy''': Orange, her laziness. :'''Robin''': And gray is her timidity. :'''Starfire''': Well, at least now we know what the Ravens are thinking. <hr width=50%/> :'''Red Raven''': Can't a person get a decent non-dancing breakfast around here?! <hr width=50%/> :'''Red Raven''': You're not gonna use that on us. I don't want to be combined with these losers. :'''Gray Raven''': That looks too scary to me. :'''Purple Raven''': ''[hugging Beast Boy]'' I'll go if you come with. :'''Orange Raven''': I'm good with whatever. :'''Red Raven''': Let's get out of here! [[Category:Teen Titans]] pszixbu31o9gcbiyvjxh5xt45pfqk9c 0 240792 3949369 3907657 2026-06-06T00:39:39Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949369 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Cosplay of Blitzø from Helluva Boss at Made In Asia 2023.jpg|thumb|Christ on a stick, I guess there is a God!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Helluva Boss|Helluva Boss]]''''' is a 2019 adult animated black comedy horror web series created by Vivienne Medrano. ==Pilot== :'''Moxxie''': ''[to Millie]'' I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. Its very simple. :'''Loona''': Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie. :'''Moxxie''': ''[to Loona]'' You sit! Sit on, a... in the... <big><big><big>'''DO YOUR JOB!!!!!'''</big></big></big> :'''Blitz''': Hey! now we don't blame our screwups on Loona, Okay? <hr "50%/"> :'''Moxxie''': ''[to Millie]'' Honey, could you get the butter? :'''Millie''': Sure, sweetie. :'''Blitz''': Spoiler alert: The butter's spoiled. ''[Millie giggles]'' :'''Moxxie''': What's funny, honey? :'''Blitz''': Really impressive wordplay. :'''Moxxie''': WHAT THE--?! WHY ARE YOU IN OUR FRIDGE?! <hr "50%/"> :''[Moxxie wakes up to see Blitz staring him in the face]'' :'''Blitz''': Watcha dreamin' about? :'''Mox''': I ''was'' dreaming my parents were being murdered. But now, I'd like to go back to that. <hr "50%/"> :'''Moxxie''': ''[singing]'' Of all the imps in Hell, it's for her that I fell! Oh, Millie.... ''[leans in to kiss Millie, then hears Biltz's camera beep]'' ARE YOU FUCKING FILMING US RIGHT NOW?! ''[camera moves to show him outside the window]'' <hr "50%/"> :'''Blitz''': ''[Moxxie claims Blitz lives a lonely life; Millie tries to coerce him from angering Blitz]'' No, no no no, It's fine, Mills, its just your husband is, how do I say this without being offensive? ''Retarded.'' <hr "50%/"> :''[After hearing a graphically lewd rant from Stolas over the phone, Blitzo smashes his phone up and puts the pieces in a blender, blending it into a smoothie, which Loona immediately drinks]'' :'''Blitzo''': Eat this, and you know that bridge over the freeway? :'''Loona''': Yeah? :'''Blitzo''': SHIT OFF IT. ==Murder Family== :''[Moxxie tries to aim at a picture of the target family with a crossbow, but he's shaking too much]'' :'''Millie''': Moxxie, stop shakin'. You're gonna kill our only Hellhound. :'''Loona''': ''[lounging back on the couch, holding the target picture up with one hand, browsing her phone with the other; sarcastically]'' Wow, I feel ''so'' loved here. :'''Millie''': Just take a deep breath...''[demonstrates an inhale]'' and let it out. :'''Moxxie''': But...it's a family! Under what circumstances would we ever need to kill a human family? :'''Millie''': I mean, if that's what the client wants... :'''Moxxie''': Maybe like a shitty dad or ''[in a Don Corleone-like voice]'' a mob family. That's understandable. ''[normal voice]'' But to eradicate an entirely innocent, seemingly innocent, upper-middle class family bloodline?! :'''Loona''': ''[after a look at the picture]'' Hey, you don't know they're innocent. This kid probably sets dogs on fire, maybe this girl gets off to bullying Australian kids online, and this guy? This guy ''definitely'' watches. <hr "50%"/> :'''Blitz''': ''[to a departing Mrs. Mayberry]'' Bye, and don't worry - we'll get that skank in less than twenty-four hours, or your first kill is free! :'''Moxxie''': When did we start implementing ''that'' deal? :'''Blitz''': When you set fire to my office in front of a CLIENT, YOU FUCKING DIPSHIT!!! Now someone PLEASE tell me that fancy book is still intact! :'''Loona''': You mean our only ticket to the other side? ''[holds out the Grimoire]'' Yeah, got it. :'''Blitz''': ''[fawning]'' And that's why you're my favourite, Loony! You get a treat now. ''[holds out a dog biscuit]'' :'''Loona''': Eww, stop. ''[Blitz tosses it in the air, catches it with his tongue and eats it]'' You're SO gross! :'''Blitz''': ''[flattered]'' Aww, stop it, I get enough of that from my therapist. Now let's go lick some ass! :'''Millie''': ''[after creating a portal]'' The expression is "kick some ass", Blitz. ''[steps through it]'' :'''Blitz''': Mine's better. ''[follows her]'' :'''Moxxie''': ''[follows them, groaning]'' Ohh, fuck...! <hr "50%"/> :'''Blitz''': ''[after Moxxie fails to shoot the family]'' What the FUCK was that, Moxxie?! :'''Mox''': ''[wheezes and gasps]'' I'm sorry! They just seemed so wholesome and happy... I panicked! :'''Blitz''': Oh, who the fuck ''is'' innocent, Moxxie?! From the moment of birth, you're already a parasite leechin' off your momma's tits! Get the FUCK over yourself, you baby-dicked PRICK--! ''[Martha shoots through the wall, injuring his arm]'' AHH! A new hole! 'SCATTER! ''[they run away]'' <hr "50%"/> :'''Stolas''': ''[on the phone to Blitz]'' I was thinking, what if we worked out some kind of exchange? Favors for favors. Doesn't that sound... ''enticing?'' :'''Blitz''': ''[dodging Martha's gunshots]'' You gotta stop using your fancy-ass rich people talk, okay?! I'm tryin' to concentrate on not getting FUCKED IN MY "A"! <hr "50%"/> :''[Martha tries to burn Blitz and Millie at the stake]'' :'''Martha''': Satan! We return your filthy creatures to back to the pits of Hell! May the root of evil remain honoured as we continue thy work! ''[tosses her torch on the pyre, igniting a blaze]'' :'''Blitz''': ''[after a moment]'' Yeah, that's not exactly how it works, lady. Sorry, your fire doesn't really hurt us, but, I mean, I could fake it if that'll get your dick hard. ''[smirks and makes a crude gesture with his tail]'' ==Loo Loo Land== :'''Stolas''': What's that you're listening to? :'''Octavia''': This song is called "My World Is Burning Down Around Me". It's by "Fuck You, Dad". ''[after a short pause]'' It's a band. :'''Stolas''': Oh. How charming... <hr "50%"/> :''[Stolas suggests that he and Octavia go to Loo-Loo Land]'' :'''Octavia''': I'd literally rather kill myself. :'''Stolas''': There we go! Anything but staying in this house. Now, I'll arrange our security. :'''Octavia''': Security for a theme park? :'''Stolas''': We're rich ''and'' we're hot. People want our money and our bodies. :'''Octavia''': Our money, maybe. :'''Stolas''': Speak for yourself, princess. Now I'm going to call the only man who can f''[bleep]''k me! :'''Octavia''': ''[cringing] What?!'' :'''Stolas''': ''[trying to cover it up]'' Who can protect me. Us! Being part of the Goetia family is rather valuable, you know. ''[Octavia groans]'' <hr "50%"/> :''[Blitz is called by Stolas]'' :'''Blitz''': ''WHAT?!'' :'''Stolas''': Why, hello, my ''big-dicked Blitzy.'' :''[Blitz and Octavia both spit out their coffee]'' :'''Blitz''': WHAT... :'''Octavia''': ...THE... :'''Blitz''': ...'''FUCK'''... :'''Octavia''': ...'''DAD?!''' :'''Stolas''': Language, everyone! <hr "50%"/> :'''Octavia''': I have a question. :'''Loo Loo Mascot''': Well, ask away, little girlie! A-hyuk a-hyuk a-hyuk! :'''Octavia''': Is it true this park is just a really shameless spin-off of Lucifer's far more popular Lu Lu World? :'''Loo Loo''': ... No? :'''Octavia''': This place ''reeks'' of insecure corporate shame. <hr "50%"/> :'''Blitz''': ''[Robo-Fizz calls him out]'' Bitch, I make more money killing people than you do being a cheap-ass robo-ripoff of an overrated sell-out JESTER! :'''Robo-Fizz''': Oooh, ''[glitches as he says this]'' someone's salty! Real or not, though, people looove me! Does anybody looove you, '''''Blitzo?''''' :'''Blitz''': No. But I'm really good with guns now! ''[loads his assault rifle with a new magazine]'' Dance, bitch! ==Spring Broken== :'''Blitz''': ''[to someone who takes his parking spot]'' Oh, you "Suck 4 Life", do ya?! ''[pulls out a megaphone]'' Listen up, you unoriginal pink cum-dump! You've got exactly three seconds to get the fuck out of my spot or, ''[he realizes that the driver is his ex girlfriend, Verosika Mayday]'' Oh, SHIT! Verosika?! :'''Verosika''': Blitzo. :'''Blitz''': I should have known you'd be here. I can smell fish for miles, which is odd, because I believe the nearest ocean is THREE RINGS '''DOWN!''' :'''Verosika''': And ''I'' should have known you'd be here when I heard the Amber Alerts. <hr "50%"/> :'''Blitzo''': ''[regarding Verosika; quietly]'' Ugh, I wasted so much time with a bag of holes like that. :'''Loona''': ''[from the van]'' You know Verosika Mayday?! :'''Blitzo''': Huh? Oh, yeah, her. Yeah, we dated. :'''Millie''': ''[popping out of the van with Moxxie]'' Was that before or after she became a pop star? :'''Moxxie''': ''You'' dated a pop star?! :'''Blitzo''': Okay, why are you all acting like that's such a shock? :'''Loona''': Hello, it's Verosika Mayday? :'''Millie''': It's ''you?'' :'''Moxxie''': I just... Is she blind? Suffering some form of brain damage? :'''Blitzo''': Okay, look, you are all making this into a way bigger deal than it needs to be. I don't pry into your stupid personal lives. :'''Moxxie''': YOU DO THAT ALL THE TIME, SIR! :'''Millie''': Come on, you kinda do that. :'''Loona''': You totally do that. :'''Millie''': ''[grinning naughtily]'' What was ''sex'' with her like? :'''Moxxie''': ''[taken aback]'' Millie! :'''Millie''': What?! It's a pop star! You'd wanna know what sex with Michael Crawford was like! :'''Moxxie''': ... ''Touché.'' <hr "50%"/> :'''Loona''': Hey, is there a way I can come with you guys this time? :'''Blitz''': Absolutely not, I forbid it. Not gonna happen. Sorry, sweetie, spring break is no place for young vulnerable goth girls. You know the kind of '''''FREAKS''''' up there who'd drool all over you! :''[Blitz, Loona, Moxxie and Millie all give the camera disapproving looks]'' <hr "50%"/> :'''Loona''': '''FUCK, BLITZ!!! WHY CAN'TYOU STAY OUT OF MY FACE FOR LIKE 5 MINUTES?!!''' :'''Blitz''': Because I adopted you! And that should mean something! :'''Loona''': Oh, what does it matter?! You’re not my real dad! I was almost eighteen! :'''Blitz''': It still counts! :'''Loona''': '''Well, it shouldn't! I didn't need you then, asshole!''' I don't now! <hr "50%"/> :''[Loona is talking with Verosika's hellhound, Vortex]'' :'''Blitz''': Am I interrupting something here? :'''Tex''': ''[calmly]'' Nah, man. Just a conversation. :'''Blitz''': ''Conversation'' leads to '''''HPV!''''' <hr "50%"/> :'''Moxxie''': ''[after being dunked in a beer keg by humans]'' A human called me a possum. I am ''not'' a possum. ==C.H.E.R.U.B.S == :''[Loopty Goopty smashes his way into I.M.P.'s office]'' :'''Loopty Goopty''': Do not be afraid! :'''Blitzo''': Please tell me you got that insurance thing. :'''Millie''': ''[taking out her axe]'' Who are you, and what do you want?! :'''Loopty''': I am Loopty Goopty! Dastardly inventor of all things loopy and loopish! :'''Loona''': Coulda just used the door, dude. Doesn't need to be this whole thing. :'''Loopty''': I am eccentric, and must therefore do eccentric SHIIIIT! :'''Blitzo''': ''[sniffs him]'' Ugh! This old fuck ''reeks'' of the living world. Did you just die? :'''Loopty''': YEEEEES! Moments ago, in fact! Which is what brought me HEEEERE! :'''Loona''': Just sayin' - the front door would've gotten you here fine. :'''Loopty''': Shut up, dear furry! <hr "50%"/> :'''Cletus''': Look around, Lyle. God's gift of nature is a wonder to behold, regardless of age! ''[winks]'' Or wealth! :'''Collin''': If you were to end your life, you'd be missing all of this! :'''Blitzo''': ''[in a tiger costume]'' Mm-hm. You're gonna buy that load of shit from a baby and the sheep it fucks? ''[makes a suggestive gesture with his fingers]'' :'''Keenie''': ''[gasps]'' That is so inappropriate! :'''Millie''': ''[in a cat costume]'' Oh, kiss our ass, prude! ''[flips her off]'' ==Queen Bee== :'''Vikki''': OMJ, Loona? Lunatic Loona? That you? :'''Loona''': Uh, yeah. It's Loona, yeah. :'''Vikki''': Wow, I can't believe you're showing up to another party. I mean, do you even remember the last one? :'''Loona''': ''[becoming annoyed]'' I'm sure you'll remind me. :'''Vikki''': Yeah, this...''[taps on her phone and shows a picture of Loona throwing up]'' This you, right? :'''Loona''': ''[Angrily growling, through clenched teeth]'' Why do you still have that? :'''Vikki''': It brings me joy. You know, you're supposed to keep things that bring you joy. ''[Loona growls louder, baring her teeth]'' Wow, you're being very negative. Your aura is really aggressive right now. :'''Loona''': Oh yeah? Well, maybe it's because I'm in the presence of a massive BITCH! :''[Partygoers gasp; Vikki nearly faints dramatically]'' :'''Vikki''': Oh...my dog. Wow. :'''Loona''': What?! Is that not an okay thing to say? Like, c'mon, it's true! :'''Partygoer''': ''[offscreen]'' You can't say that. :''[Loona angrily frowns]'' <hr "50%/"> :'''Bee-Elzubub''': ''[Approaches Vortex & Loona after her song]'' Ow-ow! Vortex! The party is buzzing now, FUCK! I feel like I went a little too hard with the confetti this time, though. I have, like, a rainbow in my vagina right now. ''[Loona's jaw drops; Bee notices her for the first time]'' Oh, hey, is this the sweet pup you were telling me about? :'''Loona''': Excuse me? :'''Bee''': She's a fucking cutie! Where've you been hiding, girl? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Loona''': Is there something funny? :'''Bee''': Nah, I'm just high on all of this tasty energy right now! Tex says you don't get invited out much. I hope this little itty-bitty gettogether could serve as a fun first time. :'''Loona''': ''[sees another party attendee slide down the stair railing and hitting his groin on the newel post before falling over; unamused]'' Mmhmm. :'''Bee''': I would've thrown a bigger one, but I couldn't convince Belphagor to let me break into her stash of party drugs. SO fucking lame. I mean, I usually just steal them, but Belle changed the locks. She says I'm a total jackass for trying, but hey–I'm proud to be a total jackass. ''[creates a bottle of beer and chugs it down]'' <hr "50%/"> :'''Loona''': ''[Looking for Blitzo in the middle of the party]'' Blitz! Blitz! Where are you, shithead?! Blitz! :''[Sees Blitzo making out with another guy]'' :'''Loona''': OH, '''PISS ON A DICK!''' <hr "50%/"> :''[Loona drives her and a drunk Blitzo from the party]'' :'''Loona''': ...Do you need to throw up? :'''Blitzo''': ''[Almost like a pouty child]'' No. :'''Loona''': Heh, yeah, you do. :''[Loona carries Blitzo into their apartment, laying him on the couch, then returning with a blanket and a glass of water]'' :'''Blitzo''': I had a really shitty day. :'''Loona''': Yeah? Is that why you drank, like, 5 gallons' worth of who-knows-what? :'''Blitzo''': Fuck, Fizz was right: I'm gonna die alone, aren't I? Just a wrinkly, old, withered waste. ''[Loona gives a look of concern]'' Will you be there, Loonie? :'''Loona''': Be where? :'''Blitzo''': ''[Mumbling]'' I dunno, just...lonely...die alone... :'''Loona''': ''[Covers Blitzo with the blanket]'' I'll be there...Dad. Now go the fuck to sleep, okay? ''[Goes to her bedroom]'' :'''Blitzo''': ''[Mumbling]'' Millie...Moxxie...Stolas...''[Lifts his head and vomits heavily on the floor]'' Fuck! Yeah, I did need to throw up. ==Western Energy== :'''Blitzo''': ''[Sees Stolas is calling him while he's driving the van with a nervous Loona in the passenger seat, Millie and Moxxie in the back]'' Oh, shit. ''[Answers the phone]'' Stolas, it's really not a good time, buddy. :'''Stolas''': Sorry it's a bad time yet again, Blitzy, but...I seem to have found myself in a bit of a cinch. I'm tied at the back of a horse at the moment. :'''Blitzo''': Pfff, lucky bitch. :'''Stolas''': Um, well, no. Rather ''un''lucky. I seem to have been stolen by that little cowboy friend of yours. :'''Blitzo''': Oh, which one? :'''Moxxie''': How many cowboys do you know?! ''[to Stolas]'' What does he look like, your highness? :'''Stolas''': ''[Takes a long look]'' Hmmm, sexy? :'''Moxxie''': ''[To Blitzo]'' That's Striker, sir! :'''Blitzo''': Oh, for fuck's sake... <hr "50%/"> :'''Blitzo''': ''[Walking into the doctor/vet, dragging a frightened Loona by the tail]'' Christ on a stick, of all the days for (Stolas) to get his stupid feathered ass kidnapped; I've waited FIVE FUCKING YEARS for this appointment! '''FUCK ME IN MY LITTLE RED HOLE!''' ''[Sees a woman with her pet in the waiting room]'' Hi, the fuck you looking at? <hr "50%/"> :''[A mariachi band of imps have been following Striker around and singing a ballad about him]'' :'''Striker''': SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M TRYIN' TO DO MY FUCKIN' JOB! YOU COMIN' IN HERE, SINGIN' ABOUT ME FOR THE ''MILLIONTH FUCKIN’ TIME?! '''LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE, YA FREAKS!''''' :'''Stolas''': How does one get their own theme song? ==Voice cast== * Brandon Rogers as Blitzo * Richard Steven Horvitz as Moxxie * Erica Lindbeck as Loona and Millie (pilot) * Vivian Nixon as Millie (series) * Bryce Pinkham as Stolas (series) * Mara Wilson as Mrs. Mayberry * Norman Reedus as Striker ==External links== {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|10691770|Helluva Boss}} [[Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:American adult animated TV shows]] [[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]] [[Category:Black comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Musical TV shows]] [[Category:Fiction about assassination]] 87zh9yq8aq4j0sn4x12ob7ia689fy2a 0 240858 3949200 3946373 2026-06-05T13:45:30Z ~2026-24510-39 3313022 3949200 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} {{PAW Patrol header}} '''''{{w|Paw Patrol|PAW Patrol}}''''' is a 3D-animated children's television series that airs on Nickelodeon, which is about a young boy who leads a crew of search and rescue dogs are called on missions to protect the shore side community of Adventure Bay and surrounding areas. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12. ==Seasons== :[[PAW Patrol (season 1)|Season 1]], [[PAW Patrol (season 2)|2]], [[PAW Patrol (season 3)|3]], [[PAW Patrol (season 4)|4]], [[PAW Patrol (season 5)|5]], [[PAW Patrol (season 6)|6]], [[PAW Patrol (season 7)|7]], [[PAW Patrol (season 8)|8]], [[PAW Patrol (season 9)|9]], [[PAW Patrol (season 10)|10]], [[PAW Patrol (season 11)|11]], [[PAW Patrol (season 12)|12]], [[PAW Patrol (season 13)|13]] ===Opening=== :''[opening sequence]'' :PAW Patrol, PAW Patrol<br /> :We'll be there on the double<br /> :Whenever there's a problem<br /> :'Round Adventure Bay<br /> :Ryder and his team of pups :Will come and save the day<br /> :Marshall, Rubble, Chase, Rocky, Zuma, Skye!<br /> :Yeah! They're on the way!<br /> :PAW Patrol, PAW Patrol<br /> :Whenever you're in trouble<br /> :PAW Patrol, PAW Patrol<br /> :We'll be there on the double<br /> :No job's too big, no pup's too small!<br /> :PAW Patrol, we're on a roll!<br /> :So here we go, PAW Patrol<br /> :Whoa-oh-oh-oh, PAW Patrol<br /> :Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh, PAW Patrol! ''[barks]'' ===Films=== * ''[[PAW Patrol: The Movie]]'' (2021) * ''[[PAW Patrol: The Mighty Movie]]'' (2023) * ''[[PAW Patrol: The Dino Movie]]'' (2026) ===Spin-off shows=== * ''[[Rubble & Crew]]'' (2023-present) ===Specials=== * ''[[PAW Patrol (specials)#Mighty Pups (2018)|Mighty Pups]]'' * ''[[PAW Patrol (specials)#Ready Race Rescue (2019)|Ready Race Rescue]]'' * ''[[PAW Patrol (specials)#Jet to the Rescue (2020)|Jet to the Rescue]]'' * ''[[PAW Patrol (specials)#Valiente: A Tracker Story (2025)|Valiente: A Tracker Story]]'' * ''[[PAW Patrol (specials)#A PAW Patrol Christmas (2025)|A PAW Patrol Christmas]]'' * ''[[PAW Patrol (specials)#Rocky's Cat-tastrophe (2026)|Rocky's Cat-tastrophe]]'' ==Repeated lines== ===Ryder=== * No job is too big, no pup is too small! * PAW Patrol, ''[or a variation of every place in the later sub-series]'' to the Lookout! * All right! PAW Patrol is on a roll! * Whenever you're in trouble ''[or a variation of that in later episodes]'', just yelp for help! * You're all such good pups. * What good pups! ===Chase=== * Ready for action, Ryder, sir! * PAW Patrol, ready for action, Ryder, sir! * Chase is on the case! * Spy Chase is on the case! * These paws uphold the laws! ===Marshall=== * I'm fired up! * I'm ready for a ruff-ruff rescue! * ''[when causing a humorous mishap due to his clumsiness] '''WHOAAAAAAAAAAA!!!''''' * I'm okay! ===Skye=== * Let's take to the sky! * This pup's/puppy's gotta fly! ===Rocky=== * Green means go! * Don't lose it, reuse it! * Why trash it when you can stash it? ===Rubble=== * Rubble on the double! * Let's dig it! ===Zuma=== * Let's dive in! * Ready, set, get wet! * Dude! ===Everest=== * Ice or snow, I'm ready to go! * Off the trail, Everest won't fail! ===Tracker=== * I'm all ears!/¡Soy todo oidos! * ''[when facing a usually daunting situation]'' Oy, oy, oy... * Ay, ay, ay! ===Liberty=== * I am ready to ride! * Pardon, my reach! ===Tuck=== * Mighty and small, I'll give it my all! ===Ella=== * Time to think big! * It's grow time! ===Rex=== * Let's dino do this! ===Al=== * Honk, honk! * 10-4. ===Coral=== * By land or sea, you can count on me! * Oh, my starfish! ===Roxi=== * Let's rox and roll! * Va-room! ===Others=== *'''Cap'n Turbot''': This Cap'n can do! *'''Francois Turbot''': Look at me! *'''Mayor Goodway''': ''[when Chickaletta's in danger]'' My poor purse pet! * '''Mayor Humdinger''': But what if I fall? * '''Alex Porter''': ''[when the Mini Patrol gears up]'' Alex's Mini Patrol is on a roll! *'''Daring Danny X''': ''[when someone refers him as simply "Danny" or "Daring Danny"]'' That's Daring Danny X! ==Cast== ===Main=== * Owen Mason (S1-S2), Elijha Hammill (S2-S3), Jaxon Mercey (S3-S6), Joey Nijem (S6-S7), Beckett Hipkiss (S7-S8), Kai Harris (S8-S12) and Benjamin Sivecic (S13-present) — Ryder * Tristan Samuel (S1), Max Calinescu (S2-S4), Justin Kelly (S5-S10) and Luke Dietz (S10-present) — Chase * {{w|Gage Munroe}} (S1), Drew Davis (S2-S5), Lukas Engel (S6), Kingsley Marshall (S6-S8), Christian Corrao (S8-S11) and Jesse Gervasi (S12-present) — Marshall * Kallan Holley (S1-S5) and {{w|Lilly Bartlam}} (S6-present) — Skye * Stuart Ralston (S1-S2), Samuel Faraci (S3-S7), Jackson Reid (S7-S11), Matteo Gutierrez (S12) and Billy Quinn (S12-present) — Rocky * Devan Cohen (S1-S5), Keegan Hedley (S6-S8) and Lucien Duncan-Reid (S8-present) — Rubble * Alex Thorne (S1-S4), Carter Thorne (S4-S5), Shayle Simons (S6-S8) and Jordan Mazeral (S9-present) — Zuma * Berkley Silverman — Everest * David Lopez (S3-S7), Mateo Carnovale (S8-S10) and River Morales (S11-present) — Tracker * Tymika Tafari — Liberty ===Supporting=== * {{w|Ron Pardo}} — Cap'n Turbot, Mayor Humdinger and Farmer Al * Deann Degruijter (S1-S7) and {{w|Kim Roberts (actress)|Kim Roberts}} (S7-present) — Mayor Goodway * Peter Cugno — Francois Turbot * Katherine Forrester — Katie * {{w|Julie Lemieux}} — Cali * Christian Distefano (S1-S5), Wyatt White (S5-S9), Simon Webster (S9-S11) and Asher Waxman (S11-present) — Alex Porter * Blair Williams — Mr. Porter * Hiromi Okuyama (S1) and Stephany Seki (S2-present) — Farmer Yumi * {{w|Scott McCord}} (S1-S12) and Peter Cugno (S12-present) — Jake * Lucius Hoyos (S2), Jaiden Cannatelli (S3-S7), Diego Rieger (S7-S8), Lucas Miranda (S9-S10) and Desmond Sivan (S12-present) — Carlos * {{w|Daniel DeSanto}} (S3-S5) and {{w|Jonathan Malen}} (S5-present) — Daring Danny X ===Recurring=== * Caoimhe Judd — Princess of Barkingburg * Adrian Truss — Earl of Barkingburg * Anya Cooke — Sweetie * Charles Vandervaart — Sid Swashbuckle * Meesha Contreras (S4-S9) and Jaeren Perez (S10-present) — Arrby * Chance Hurstfield (S5-S7) and Etienne Kellici (S10-present) — Harold Humdinger * Eamon Hanson (S6-S7) and Roman Pesino (S9-present) — Tuck * Isabella Leo — Ella * {{w|Bryn McAuley}} — The Ladybird * Callum Shoniker — The Copycat * Luxton Handspiker (S7) and Hartley Bernier (S9-present) — Rex * Marisa McIntyre — Dr. Tammy Turbot * Ava Ro — Taylor Turbot * Tristan Mammitzsch (S7-S9) and Hawthorne Wilde Fowler (S10-present) — Wild * Tianna SwamiNathan — Rory * Markeda McKay — Shade * Kingston Crooks (S9) and Dean Humphries (S10-present) — Leo * Julian Crispo (S7) and Kyle Hodgson (S9-present) — Hubcap * Osias Reid (S7) and Levi Dombokah (S9-present) — Dwayne * Madison Abbott — Gasket * Nylan Parthipan — Al * Kaia Oz — Coral * Ian Ho — Moby * Eliot Dahan — Nano * Thandie Quiambao — Mini * Desmond Sivan — Tot * Mia SwamiNathan — Roxi * Jayd Deroché — Boomer ==External links== {{wikipedia|Paw Patrol}} * {{Commonscat-inline|Paw Patrol}} * {{IMDb title|3121722}} [[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about cats]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category: American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:Nick Jr. shows]] [[Category:TVOntario shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Current shows]] [[Category:PAW Patrol]] gg34hahhdxckwdykxl040wsjox9xvzr 3949216 3949200 2026-06-05T14:09:58Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949216 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} {{PAW Patrol header}} '''''{{w|Paw Patrol|PAW Patrol}}''''' is a 3D-animated children's television series that airs on Nickelodeon, which is about a young boy who leads a crew of search and rescue dogs are called on missions to protect the shore side community of Adventure Bay and surrounding areas. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 6 to 13. ==Seasons== :[[PAW Patrol (season 1)|Season 1]], [[PAW Patrol (season 2)|2]], [[PAW Patrol (season 3)|3]], [[PAW Patrol (season 4)|4]], [[PAW Patrol (season 5)|5]], [[PAW Patrol (season 6)|6]], [[PAW Patrol (season 7)|7]], [[PAW Patrol (season 8)|8]], [[PAW Patrol (season 9)|9]], [[PAW Patrol (season 10)|10]], [[PAW Patrol (season 11)|11]], [[PAW Patrol (season 12)|12]], [[PAW Patrol (season 13)|13]] ===Opening=== :''[opening sequence]'' :PAW Patrol, PAW Patrol<br /> :We'll be there on the double<br /> :Whenever there's a problem<br /> :'Round Adventure Bay<br /> :Ryder and his team of pups :Will come and save the day<br /> :Marshall, Rubble, Chase, Rocky, Zuma, Skye!<br /> :Yeah! They're on the way!<br /> :PAW Patrol, PAW Patrol<br /> :Whenever you're in trouble<br /> :PAW Patrol, PAW Patrol<br /> :We'll be there on the double<br /> :No job's too big, no pup's too small!<br /> :PAW Patrol, we're on a roll!<br /> :So here we go, PAW Patrol<br /> :Whoa-oh-oh-oh, PAW Patrol<br /> :Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh, PAW Patrol! ''[barks]'' ===Films=== * ''[[PAW Patrol: The Movie]]'' (2021) * ''[[PAW Patrol: The Mighty Movie]]'' (2023) * ''[[PAW Patrol: The Dino Movie]]'' (2026) ===Spin-off shows=== * ''[[Rubble & Crew]]'' (2023-present) ===Specials=== * ''[[PAW Patrol (specials)#Mighty Pups (2018)|Mighty Pups]]'' * ''[[PAW Patrol (specials)#Ready Race Rescue (2019)|Ready Race Rescue]]'' * ''[[PAW Patrol (specials)#Jet to the Rescue (2020)|Jet to the Rescue]]'' * ''[[PAW Patrol (specials)#Valiente: A Tracker Story (2025)|Valiente: A Tracker Story]]'' * ''[[PAW Patrol (specials)#A PAW Patrol Christmas (2025)|A PAW Patrol Christmas]]'' * ''[[PAW Patrol (specials)#Rocky's Cat-tastrophe (2026)|Rocky's Cat-tastrophe]]'' ==Repeated lines== ===Ryder=== * No job is too big, no pup is too small! * PAW Patrol, ''[or a variation of every place in the later sub-series]'' to the Lookout! * All right! PAW Patrol is on a roll! * Whenever you're in trouble ''[or a variation of that in later episodes]'', just yelp for help! * You're all such good pups. * What good pups! ===Chase=== * Ready for action, Ryder, sir! * PAW Patrol, ready for action, Ryder, sir! * Chase is on the case! * Spy Chase is on the case! * These paws uphold the laws! ===Marshall=== * I'm fired up! * I'm ready for a ruff-ruff rescue! * ''[when causing a humorous mishap due to his clumsiness] '''WHOAAAAAAAAAAA!!!''''' * I'm okay! ===Skye=== * Let's take to the sky! * This pup's/puppy's gotta fly! ===Rocky=== * Green means go! * Don't lose it, reuse it! * Why trash it when you can stash it? ===Rubble=== * Rubble on the double! * Let's dig it! ===Zuma=== * Let's dive in! * Ready, set, get wet! * Dude! ===Everest=== * Ice or snow, I'm ready to go! * Off the trail, Everest won't fail! ===Tracker=== * I'm all ears!/¡Soy todo oidos! * ''[when facing a usually daunting situation]'' Oy, oy, oy... * Ay, ay, ay! ===Liberty=== * I am ready to ride! * Pardon, my reach! ===Tuck=== * Mighty and small, I'll give it my all! ===Ella=== * Time to think big! * It's grow time! ===Rex=== * Let's dino do this! ===Al=== * Honk, honk! * 10-4. ===Coral=== * By land or sea, you can count on me! * Oh, my starfish! ===Roxi=== * Let's rox and roll! * Va-room! ===Others=== *'''Cap'n Turbot''': This Cap'n can do! *'''Francois Turbot''': Look at me! *'''Mayor Goodway''': ''[when Chickaletta's in danger]'' My poor purse pet! * '''Mayor Humdinger''': But what if I fall? * '''Alex Porter''': ''[when the Mini Patrol gears up]'' Alex's Mini Patrol is on a roll! *'''Daring Danny X''': ''[when someone refers him as simply "Danny" or "Daring Danny"]'' That's Daring Danny X! ==Cast== ===Main=== * Owen Mason (S1-S2), Elijha Hammill (S2-S3), Jaxon Mercey (S3-S6), Joey Nijem (S6-S7), Beckett Hipkiss (S7-S8), Kai Harris (S8-S12) and Benjamin Sivecic (S13-present) — Ryder * Tristan Samuel (S1), Max Calinescu (S2-S4), Justin Kelly (S5-S10) and Luke Dietz (S10-present) — Chase * {{w|Gage Munroe}} (S1), Drew Davis (S2-S5), Lukas Engel (S6), Kingsley Marshall (S6-S8), Christian Corrao (S8-S11) and Jesse Gervasi (S12-present) — Marshall * Kallan Holley (S1-S5) and {{w|Lilly Bartlam}} (S6-present) — Skye * Stuart Ralston (S1-S2), Samuel Faraci (S3-S7), Jackson Reid (S7-S11), Matteo Gutierrez (S12) and Billy Quinn (S12-present) — Rocky * Devan Cohen (S1-S5), Keegan Hedley (S6-S8) and Lucien Duncan-Reid (S8-present) — Rubble * Alex Thorne (S1-S4), Carter Thorne (S4-S5), Shayle Simons (S6-S8) and Jordan Mazeral (S9-present) — Zuma * Berkley Silverman — Everest * David Lopez (S3-S7), Mateo Carnovale (S8-S10) and River Morales (S11-present) — Tracker * Tymika Tafari — Liberty ===Supporting=== * {{w|Ron Pardo}} — Cap'n Turbot, Mayor Humdinger and Farmer Al * Deann Degruijter (S1-S7) and {{w|Kim Roberts (actress)|Kim Roberts}} (S7-present) — Mayor Goodway * Peter Cugno — Francois Turbot * Katherine Forrester — Katie * {{w|Julie Lemieux}} — Cali * Christian Distefano (S1-S5), Wyatt White (S5-S9), Simon Webster (S9-S11) and Asher Waxman (S11-present) — Alex Porter * Blair Williams — Mr. Porter * Hiromi Okuyama (S1) and Stephany Seki (S2-present) — Farmer Yumi * {{w|Scott McCord}} (S1-S12) and Peter Cugno (S12-present) — Jake * Lucius Hoyos (S2), Jaiden Cannatelli (S3-S7), Diego Rieger (S7-S8), Lucas Miranda (S9-S10) and Desmond Sivan (S12-present) — Carlos * {{w|Daniel DeSanto}} (S3-S5) and {{w|Jonathan Malen}} (S5-present) — Daring Danny X ===Recurring=== * Caoimhe Judd — Princess of Barkingburg * Adrian Truss — Earl of Barkingburg * Anya Cooke — Sweetie * Charles Vandervaart — Sid Swashbuckle * Meesha Contreras (S4-S9) and Jaeren Perez (S10-present) — Arrby * Chance Hurstfield (S5-S7) and Etienne Kellici (S10-present) — Harold Humdinger * Eamon Hanson (S6-S7) and Roman Pesino (S9-present) — Tuck * Isabella Leo — Ella * {{w|Bryn McAuley}} — The Ladybird * Callum Shoniker — The Copycat * Luxton Handspiker (S7) and Hartley Bernier (S9-present) — Rex * Marisa McIntyre — Dr. Tammy Turbot * Ava Ro — Taylor Turbot * Tristan Mammitzsch (S7-S9) and Hawthorne Wilde Fowler (S10-present) — Wild * Tianna SwamiNathan — Rory * Markeda McKay — Shade * Kingston Crooks (S9) and Dean Humphries (S10-present) — Leo * Julian Crispo (S7) and Kyle Hodgson (S9-present) — Hubcap * Osias Reid (S7) and Levi Dombokah (S9-present) — Dwayne * Madison Abbott — Gasket * Nylan Parthipan — Al * Kaia Oz — Coral * Ian Ho — Moby * Eliot Dahan — Nano * Thandie Quiambao — Mini * Desmond Sivan — Tot * Mia SwamiNathan — Roxi * Jayd Deroché — Boomer ==External links== {{wikipedia|Paw Patrol}} * {{Commonscat-inline|Paw Patrol}} * {{IMDb title|3121722}} [[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about cats]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category: American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:Nick Jr. shows]] [[Category:TVOntario shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Current shows]] [[Category:PAW Patrol]] r1e9uek390rkia6b7r5g0g8pubmbyy9 0 242458 3949202 3948965 2026-06-05T13:47:36Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949202 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Baby Looney Tunes|Baby Looney Tunes]]''''' is an American 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn animation (digital ink-and-paint, and color) [[w:television show#Seasons/series/strand|television series]] that depicts [[w:Baby|baby]] versions of the Looney Tunes who are not related to them. The show was aimed at older children, and tweens, and from ages 8 to 12. ==''Season 1''== ===''Taz in Toyland / A Secret Tweet''=== :'''Granny''': What in heaven's, Taz what are you crying about? :(Taz hold up the wheel from his toy car, Granny looks over and was surprised to see what was left of Taz's toy car) :'''Granny''': You didn't break another of your toys did you? :(Taz nods his head indicating that he did) :'''Granny''': Tasmanian Devil, how many times have I told you to take better care of your things, look at all the toys you've broken. :(Granny points to a pile of toys of which Taz has broken, Taz whimpers and cries once again feeling regret for his actions) :'''Granny''': Now, now, [[w:there's no use crying over spilt milk | there's no use crying over broken toys]], or something like that. :'''Daffy''': Hmmph. :(Taz sniffles then Granny holds a tissue to his nose, Taz takes a breath breath and gives a big blow, giving off a giant gust of wind causing Daffy's crown and cape to go flying) :'''Daffy''': Wow ([[w:Fourth wall|talking to the audience]]) for a little guy, he sure holds a lot of air. <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Bugs''': Hey Tazzie, You wanna play Smash-Up Derby with us? :'''Taz''': Uh-uh. :'''Bugs''': Oh come on, I think your little clown guy will fit right into my truck here. :'''Taz''': (gasp) No!, Taz no play! :'''Daffy''': Come on Taz, play with us. :'''Taz''': No! :'''Bugs''': What good if having a toy you can't play with? :(Taz runs to the end of a shelf where he is cornered by Bugs and Daffy) :'''Daffy''': C'mon Tazzie, you know you wanna play with that toy. :'''Bugs''': Yeah, Put him in the truck then we'll crash 'em together. :(Taz started to think, then he saw the top of the shelf and that's when he had and idea, he started spinning and began to climb the shelf) :'''Bugs''': Hey, what are you doing? :'''Daffy''': Get down from there! : (Taz soon made it to the top, but then suddenly [[w:King Kong | airplanes started to fly pass him]], causing Taz to growl with annoyance, It's then revealed that they were coming from a mobile on the roof of the playroom, two more fly pass Taz but as the third one passes, Taz knocks it while growling, the sudden knock causes the strings off the planes to get tangled and eventually stopped, Taz becomes stratified and puts his toy clown down, waves at it then looks down at Bugs and Daffy, who would've witness his previous endeavour, Taz then proceeds to climb down) :'''Taz''': Blaaah! (Blows a raspberry at them) :(Bugs and Daffy looked at each other confused) <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Granny''': Oh look at them all playing together, aren't they precious, (looks on at the babies playing) Oh Bugs, Lola, Daffy, Sylvester and Taz, could you come over here?, I've got something I want to tell you. :'''Bugs''': Okay Granny! :'''Sylvester''': Coming Granny! :'''Daffy''': But I just built my super-wondrous sand tasta castle. :'''Taz''': Taz like castle. :'''Daffy''': No touchy. <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Tweety''': Say everybody, what's all the whispering about? Uh, heh-heh, what's the matter? Cat got your tongue? :'''Sylvester''': I don't have a thing. :'''Tweety''': If you guys have a secwet, you can tell me, I'm one of the best secwet keepwers awound. :(All the babies all talk telling Tweety that they don't have a secret and they don't know what he's talking about) :'''Bugs''': We were just...uh...playing a game. :'''Lola''': Uh yeah, it's called..um.."who can whisper the softest". :'''Daffy''': Yeah and anyway! The secret isn't about you! :(The babies gasp and shush Daffy and Taz covers his mouth) :'''Bugs''': Heh-heh, you know Daffy, always kidding, heh-heh, well uh, we gotta go. :(All the babies wave bye to Tweety and say goodbye and they leave, with Bugs and Lola dragging Daffy along, Tweety is left standing confused) :'''Daffy''': Huh, what? I said the secret was NOT about him. :'''Tweety''': Something stinks around here and it's not dirty diapers. <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Tweety''': Hewwo! Is anybody in there? Hewwo! (Tweety enters the dark room, climbs up a banister up to a handrail) Alwight, I'm tired of all these secwets! :(Tweety goes over to a light switch and as soon as he turns on the lights) :'''Everyone''': Surprise! Surprise! Happy birthday Tweety! :'''Bugs''': Happy birthday Tweety. :'''Tweety''': Supwise? Happy birthday? To me? Oh, you mean you all still wike me? :'''Bugs''': Of course we like ya doc. :'''Lola''': Yeah silly bird, why wouldn't we like you? :'''Tweety''': This is what all the secwets were about? :'''Granny''': Everyone pitched in to give you this surprise party, well, are you surprised? :'''Tweety''': I sure am Gwanny, this is the best birthday ever. :(Tweety blows a party whistle which causes Sylvester to jump to the celling in fright) :'''Everyone''': Happy birthday Tweety! ===''Comfort Level / Like A Duck to Water''=== :(In the garden room of the house, Bugs and Lola are walking through looking for Sylvester's blankie) :'''Lola''': Maybe we should hunt for it here, since we did walk through here on our way back from the playground. :'''Bugs''': Let's think of this logically, if I were a blanket, where would I hide? :(Bugs pulls some leaves back and sees a grasshopper washing itself) :'''Grasshopper''': Huh? :(The grasshopper sees Bugs looking at it, but then angrily pulls the leaves back) :'''Bugs''': Eh, no blanket under there, Lola? ''[as Bugs searched for Lola, African drums are heard]'' Lola, where’s you go? ''[to the camera]'' Alright! Alright! Enough with the drums! ''[Bugs hears rustling, looks up and sees Lola searching up in the trees]'' Eh. What’s up, Lola? :'''Lola''': No sign of it up here! ''[yells like Tarzan as she grabs a vine and swings. Bugs ducks low and she lands in the bushes]''. :'''Bugs''': Are you alright? :(Lola gets up from the bushes and rubs the leaves off her face). :'''Lola''': Wow, looking for Sylvester's blanket is a lot of fun [chuckles]. :'''Bugs''': Eh, yeah, but we still haven't found it, I wonder how the others are doing? ===''School Daze / Things That Go Bugs In The Night''=== :(Scene opens at the Baby Looney Tunes' house, with Bugs and Lola looking out the window at something amazing) :'''Bugs''': Wow! :'''Lola''': Isn't it dreamy? :'''Bugs''': It's so yellow :'''Lola''': And big :(Turns out it was a school bus Bugs and Lola were looking at and some kids were boarding it) :'''Bugs''': Some kids have all the luck :(Then Bugs and Lola have and idea) :'''Bugs & Lola''': Are you thinking what I'm thinking? :(The two bunnies chuckle) :'''Bugs''': Let's go ask Granny if we can go to school :(The two race off to find Granny in the kitchen finishing a Gingerbread house) :'''Bugs & Lola''': Granny, Granny, Granny! :'''Granny''': Land sakes kids, What's all the excitement about? :'''Bugs''': We wanna go to school :'''Granny''': Oh, but you're too young :'''Bugs''': Too young?, we're already potty trained :'''Lola''': Bugs? (Lola looks at Bugs knowingly) :'''Bugs''': Ehh, well uh, almost (Bugs says embarrassed) :'''Lola''': I have an idea, if we're too young to go to real school, maybe we can play pretend school! :(Granny thinks about it, while Bugs and Lola tug on her dress) :'''Bugs & Lola''': Please Granny, Pleeeeease! :(Granny chuckles and pulls her dress away) :'''Granny''': I guess it'll be okay [Granny pulls her Gingerbread House from the counter] As soon as I finish icing my Gingerbread House, School is officially in session :(Bugs and Lola cheer and start spinning around Granny, causing her loose her balance and fall to the floor and her Gingerbread house falls on her head, Granny removes some of the house from her eyes while Bugs and Lola come up to her and Lola takes a little taste of what's left of the Gingerbread house) :'''Lola''': Isn't Granny sweet? :(All three laugh at the joke) <hr width = "50%"/> :(Meanwhile in the playroom, Sylvester and Tweety are playing with a ball, while Taz and Daffy are fighting over Harry Gary) :'''Taz''': Taz want Harry Gary! :'''Daffy''': It's mine I tell ya, Mine, Mine, all Mine [Daffy acts like he's saw something] Hey look, It's the tooth fairy :(Taz looks and Daffy snatches Harry Gary of him, Taz groans sadly and begins to cry until, Bugs and Lola come sliding in) :'''Bugs''': Uh hey you guys, guess what :'''Lola''': Granny said we can all play school :(Tweety and Sylvester all gasp excitedly) :'''Daffy''': Ah, who cares? :(Unintentionally dropping Harry Gray, Taz picks him up and give him a big kiss) :'''Daffy''': What's so great about school anyway? :'''Bugs''': Lot's of stuff, you get to learn new things, like how to drink from a water fountain [Bugs stands on his tip-toes and pretends to slurp from a water fountain, once he's done, he gives a big sigh and wipes his mouth] :'''Lola''': And make new friends and learn all their names :(Lola slightly pokes Sylvester and he gives a little giggle, Sylvester then runs to Daffy and pokes him as well, then he jumps underneath a pink pillow with only his tail showing, he then comes out with the pillow on top of his head) :'''Sylvester''': There's all kinds of games to play :'''Taz''' Lunch time! :(Taz takes a sip from a bottle and gives a big burp, while the wind from his burp unintentionally ruffles Daffy's feathers, Daffy looks at himself) :'''Daffy''': Yeesh (while un-ruffling his feathers) Lunch, Shmuch, I've got better things to do :(Daffy pulls up his diaper and starts too walk away) :'''Bugs''': Okay Daffy, But you're gonna miss out on the chance to get lots of attention :(Daffy freezes and looks back) :'''Daffy''': Alright rabbit, ya got me, I'll give ya 20 seconds, what are you talking about? :''''Bold text'''''Bugs''': I'm talkin' about show and tell Daffy :'''Lola''': It's that time in school when you get to talk in front of the whole class :'''Sylvester''': And everyone has to listen to you :'''Daffy''': Everyone? :(Daffy begins to day dream that he's on a stage talking in front of a crowd while wearing a purple graduation robe and cap) :'''Daffy''': It all started when I was just an egg, Not just any egg mind you but a little brown speckled one and that, my friends is what makes me so great :(The crowed cheers while flowers and graduation caps are being thrown at Daffy and Daffy gives a bow, the dream cloud puffs as Daffy wakes up and shakes his head, indicating he changed his mind about school) :'''Daffy''': I love school, now where do I sign up? :(mood quickly changes and everyone heard Tweety crying on the couch, everyone comes up to see what's wrong) :'''Bugs''': What's the matter Tweety? :'''Tweety''': I can't go to school with you guys :'''Sylvester''': Why not? :'''Tweety''': I'm not weady :'''Lola''': What do you mean? :'''Tweety''': well, for wone thing, I can't wead or wite, I can't even spell my own wittle name :(Tweety starts crying again and Taz starts cry as well, Daffy [annoyed] shakes his head and covers his ears) :'''Bugs''': It's alright, You don't have to know everything to go to school :'''Tweety''': Weally? :(Taz sniffles) :'''Taz''': Really? :'''Lola''': Yeah, That's why we go to school, so we can learn all those things :'''Bugs''': All we need is a little practice <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Bugs''': Now listen, I'm in charge and what I say goes and I say...! :(Before Bugs could finish there was a strange noise which causes Bugs to gasp and all the other babies to come out of their hiding spots) :'''Daffy''': Um...What was that? :(The noise comes again) :'''Lola''': I don't know, But I've never heard anything like it before :'''Sylvester''': And I never want to hear anything like it again! :(The noise comes again and scares the babies, the noise seems to be coming out side with the sun setting) :'''Bugs''': Ehh...It's nuttuin', Probably just a... Cute little forest creature. :(The noise sounds again) :'''Sylvester''': It doesn't sound so little to me. :'''Daffy''': And definootily not cute. :(The noise comes again) :'''Tweety''': D-D-Don't you think you should do something Bugs? :'''Lola''': Yeah, you're in charge :'''Bugs''': Me? Uh...yeah hee hee uh, no sweat, uh all's I gotta do it... :(The noise comes again but sounds even louder now) :'''Bugs''': Uh, close the window! :(Bugs does exactly that and rushes over to the window and closes it and let's the window shade down as well) :'''Bugs''': What ya can't hear, can't hurt ya. :(But the noise comes through again and the window shade clatters up, this makes the babies all frighted again) :'''Bugs''': What's the matter with you fella? Let's have some fun! :(Bugs puts the CD player on and it plays a upbeat version of the Baby Looney Tunes Theme song, Bugs dances along and the other babies soon join in, but as they were dancing, Bugs accidentally knocks the CD player off the table and it falls to the floor and the music switches off leaving the babies all sad again, They all didn't notice the sun setting behind them and causes their shadows to become bigger and as the shadows reach the wall, the noise comes back again) :'''Lola''': What is it? :'''Daffy''': Sounds like some sort of Boogie-Woogie Monster. :'''Sylvester''': A Five-headed Boogie-Woogie Monster! :(As the noise continues the shadows change into all sorts of scary shapes, first the shadow changes into a creature with sharp teeth and four arms) :'''Tweety''': Ooh, What huge haiwy teeth it has! :(It soon changes again, into a round shape with and scary stair, big teeth and horns on it's head) :'''Lola''': It's bigger than the giant from [[w:Jack and the Beanstalk | Jack and the Beanstalk!]] :(It changes again into a ghostly shape) :'''Daffy''': With a seriously bad attitude! :(The shadow soon turns into a monster and appears on the roof, Sylvester crouches down and covers his eyes in fear) :'''Sylvester''': T-T-Tell me when it's gone :(The sun soon sets behind the trees and the shadow vanishes) :'''Bugs''': It's gone! :(Sylvester cautiously uncovers one eye and looks up and sees that everything is Okay, he stands up) :'''Bugs''': See, Nuttin' to be afraid of. :'''Tweety''': Oh Gwacious! Taz is gone! :'''Lola''': But he was just here, wasn't he? :'''Bugs''': Taz?, Taz?, Taaaz! :'''Daffy''': Tazzie, Olly Olly, oxen free! <hr width = "50%"/> :(The babies search everywhere for Taz, Lola searches under a bed, Bugs looks in a laundry basket but finds nothing but a sock, Sylvester looks behind pictures and Tweety looks under a rug, the scene cuts to the kitchen where Daffy is looking for Taz in the pots and pans, The babies all regroup all given up searching for Taz when the strange noise comes again, The babies all look at the door and realise that Taz must have gone outside, The babies all open the door and one by one they all peak their heads outside, First Bugs, Then Tweety and Lola, then Sylvester and finally Daffy, they all find Taz's foot prints on the path and they seem to be heading to the forest) :'''Tweety''': Oh no, Taz? :'''Sylvester''': Do you think whatever's out there...(Gulps)...Is gonna get him? :'''Bugs''': Not if I can find him first! :'''Lola''': Go out there?, alone?, No way! :'''Daffy''': Granny put you in charge. :'''Bugs''': Ehh...Right, I-I'm suppose to take care of everybody. :(And with that, Bugs walks out the door and goes in search of Taz) :'''Daffy''': That is the bravest thing I ever saw, Say... if he doesn't come back, can I be the boss? :(Lola looks angrily at Daffy) :'''Daffy''': Heh. :(Little did the babies know, Granny was looking out the window as she saw everything, knowing that Bugs has gone looking for Taz, and so she continues painting what appears to be a red bird house) <hr width = "50%"/> :(Meanwhile, out in the woods, Bugs was still looking for Taz, but he was feeling a little scared, knowing that he's out alone in the woods at night, as an owl hoots in the distance, Bugs becomes even more afraid) :'''Bugs''': Taz?, That you old b-b-buddy?, heh heh, uh, come out of there Taz. :(A wolf howls in the distance) :'''Bugs''': T-T-Taaaazzie! :(At that moment, Bugs stops as he sees a trail of leaves on the path, still feeling scared, he tries to keep going, but it feels like something is following him with the leaves rustling until, there came the noise again and it was louder that before) :'''Bugs''': YIKE! :(This scared Bugs so much that he ran away screaming in fear, he soon reached a tree and thinking that the creature was following him, he went round and round in circles until he tripped on a rock which cause him to tumble down and eventually stopped, he then heard the leaves rustling again and was surprised Lola, Sylvester, Tweety and Daffy running around tree as well) :'''Bugs''': Hey, Hey, Hold it! What are you doin' out here? :'''Lola''': We decided we couldn't let you go alone. :'''Sylvester''': We couldn't let you face that beast by yourself. :'''Tweety''': We saw you chasing it. :'''Daffy''': And your bravery made us brave. :'''Bugs''': Ehh... hee, I wasn't chasin', I was uh runnin', I was runnin' scared. :(The noise comes again causing the babies to gasp with fright and Daffy to jump in Bug's arms) :'''Daffy''': So, let's run scared together! :'''Lola''': It sounds awful close :'''Bugs''':(The noise sounds) sounds like it's right over there! (unintentionally drops Daffy) :(Bugs makes his way to the bushes, moves the branches and gives a delightful smile) :'''Lola''': What is it Bugs? :'''Daffy''': What do ya see? :'''Bugs''': This is unbelievable, come here! :(The rest of the babies walk over to the bushes and were surprised to discover that the creature was non other than Taz and the noise seemed to come from his horn) :'''Tweety''': Taz? :'''Sylvester''': It was Taz all along. :(The babies race over to Taz who was still playing his horn, but when Bugs came over, Taz stops playing and hides his horn behind his back) :'''Bugs''': Ehh... What's the matter? :'''Taz''': Oh... Taz horn make Bugs mad, Taz don't want make Bugs mad... Oh ho :(Bugs realised that Taz was talking about when Taz and blowing his horn too loudly in front of Taz and Bugs snatched it off him) :'''Bugs''': I'm awful sorry about that Taz (Bugs walks up to Taz) You play anywhere you wanna, anytime you wanna, anyway you wanna. :'''Taz''': Huh, Bugs mean it? :'''Bugs''': Sure I do :(Taz then resumes playing his horn and this time, Bugs doesn't mind) ===''Creature From The Chocolate Chip / Card Bored Box''=== :'''Sylvester''': Bugs, Lola, Olly Olly Oxen free! :(The babies soon come out of their hiding spots and run over to Sylvester) :'''Tweety''': Were we hiding to well? :'''Sylvester''': You gotta help me, Something terrible's happened in the kitchen :'''Bugs''': What? :'''Sylvester''': There's this big jar see, and one minute it's full of cookies and then, it isn't. :'''Lola''': What happened to them? :'''Sylvester''': I ate 'em, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?! (Sylvester breaks down crying on Bug's knees) :'''Bugs''': Eh, there's only one thing to do and that's tell Granny the truth, come on. :(Before they could leave, Daffy blocks their way) :'''Daffy''': Ya can't do that! :'''Bugs''': Eh, Why not? :'''Daffy''': Granny worked her fingers to the bone baking those cookies, slaving all day at a hot stove, You know how much she loves you, If she found out you ate them, it'll break her heart. :'''Sylvester''': Oh no, what'll I do? :'''Daffy''': Blame somebody else. :'''Bugs''': What?!, like who? :'''Daffy''': Oh, one of the usual suspects, (Daffy walks pass Bugs and makes his way to Tweety), Nah, too innocent, (walks over to Lola) Too good, (walks over to Taz who has his tongue sticking out) Too obvious, (finally making his way to a mirror) Aha! him!(But soon realises it's his own reflection), oop, my mistake, too trustworthy. :(At that moment, Granny walks in with the empty jar) :'''Granny''': Oh my, does anyone know who ate all the cookies? :(Sylvester[still to ashamed to admit it] hides his head in a pink bucket) :'''Bugs''': Eh, as a master of fact-- :'''Daffy''': (interrupting) We do, it was ahhh, a beast yeah and oh, what a beast it was! :'''Granny''': My Stars, What was it like? :'''Daffy''': It was humongulous, A chocolate chip chomper, it smelled those chocolatey chips and chomped them. :'''Granny''': Oh, that sounds just terrible, did you see it Tweety? :'''Tweety''': Uh? :'''Daffy''': Poor guy, he's scared speechless :'''Granny''': Was it simply dreadful Lola dear? :'''Daffy''': Tell her about it's teeth :'''Lola''': Teeth?...Um...Teeth! :'''Daffy''': Bigger than [[w:Big Bad Wolf | the Big Bad Wolf's.]] :'''Granny''': You mean, every time I bake cookies that beast will eat them? :'''Daffy''': Oh you betcha Granny. :'''Granny''': Then I'll bake a batch right away so I can see this beast myself :(Granny walks out of the playroom and Sylvester takes the bucket off) :'''Bugs''': Nice move Daff, We shoulda told the truth when we had the chance. :'''Sylvester''': What are we gonna do now? :'''Daffy''': Granny wants to see a monster, Granny's gonna see a monster. <hr width = "50%"/> :(After eating a lot of cookies, the babies now felt very sick) :'''Taz''': Taz not feel good. :'''Lola''': (sighs) I never want to see another cookie :(Daffy turns back knowing that they'll have to do it again, but this time Bugs has an idea) :'''Bugs''': Hold it, the only way to keep this beast from beating us is for us to beat it. <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Tweety''': Oh Gwanny, come see, huwwy! :(Tweety runs and joins the others) :'''Bugs''': Everybody ready? :(Granny comes in holding a jar full of recently bakes cookies, she looks around and suddenly sees the "beast" that's been eating all her cookies growling and roaring at her) :'''Granny''': Gracious sakes, there it is! :'''Bugs''': Eh, Never fear Granny, I'll take care of it. :(The "beast" still roaring makes it's way to Bugs and Granny, but Bugs is ready to fight it) :'''Bugs''': Take that and this and that too!, back you beast back! :'''Granny''': My goodness Bugs, how brave. :'''Bugs''': Back, back! (then, unintentionally destroyed it's face) Eh, would you look at that, hee hee, I'm uh, tearing him to pieces. :(The face comes off to reveal Daffy as he [[w:Fourth wall | looks at the audience]]) :'''Daffy''': Uh-Oh :(And with that, the monster falls apart reviling the other babies) :'''Bugs''': Um, Granny, There's something we gotta tell ya :'''Daffy''': (trying to make an excuse) It ate us, yeah! that's right, we were trapped in it's tummy, but we uh-- we uh-- Oh :'''Bugs''': Granny, there never was a Chocolate Chip Chomper. <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Bugs''': Daffy...eh, Daffy? :'''Daffy''': I didn't do it!, The diaper was dirty was dirty when I got there! :'''Lola''': Calm down Daffy, you were just dreaming. :'''Daffy''': Oh, oh yeah, I was dreaming that the rain stopped and the sun came out and we all went outside to play. :'''Tweety''': We could pway a game inside. :'''Bugs''': But we've already played with every toy in the nursery. :'''Lola''': Twice. :'''Tweety''': How many times is that? :'''Daffy, Bugs and Lola''': Too many! :'''Bugs''': If only something fun would happen, then we wouldn't be so bored. <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Bugs''': Well now that we have it, what do we do with it? :'''Tweety''': Well, Gwanny told us to use our imagination, so I'm going to imagine that it's the most beautiful house in the world. :'''Lola''': (laughs) That's the silliest idea I've ever heard, it's not a house, it's a pirate ship. :'''Daffy''': Lola's right. :'''Bugs''': About the pirate ship? :'''Daffy''': No, about Tweety's idea being silly, anyone can see that it's the world's fastest racing car. :'''Bugs''': Now why would they see that?, it's really a rocket ship to Mars, you can tell by looking at it. :(The babies soon argue about what the box could be until--) :'''Bugs''': '''WAIT!''' There's only one way to find out what this thing really is. :'''Daffy''': I'm glad you see things my way. :'''Bugs''': No Daffy, I mean let's play house, then pirates, then racing car and then Rocket ship. :'''Lola''': I get it and which ever is the most fun, wins. :'''Bugs''': Right. <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Bugs''': Bugs to Earth, Bugs to Earth, come in Earth, I'm ready to land on Mars, Hmm, I wonder if there's any life here on Mars, I said, I wonder if there is any life here on Mars!, C'mon you guys, you're not even trying to have fan! :'''Lola''': Some fun, I had a much better time playing the pirate ship. :'''Daffy''': Well I still say the racing car was the best. :'''Tweety''': And I wiked pwaying house. :(The babies soon start to argue again) :'''Lola''': Give it to me! :'''Daffy''': It's mine! :'''Tweety''': I saw it first! :'''Bugs''': Well I saw it third! :(The babies stop briefly while Bugs gives an embarrassed smile, then the tugging resumes until the babies slip and the box goes flying and then crashes) :'''Tweety''': Hey look! :(It is revealed that the box has merged into a house, a pirate ship, a racing car and rocket ship all in one) :'''The Babies''': Ooooh!, Ahhhhh! :'''Lola''': What is it? :'''Tweety''': I'm not sure, but I think it a wacing piwate house wocket. :'''Daffy''': But there's no such thing. :'''Tweety''': There is if you use your imagination. ===''Time And Time Again / May The Best Taz Win''=== :(Scene opens at the Baby Looney Tunes house at night, in the bedroom, Bug's, Lola's and Daffy's beds are empty, this was because the babies are all playing, Bugs was playing with his toy rocket, Daffy was playing with a toy piano and Lola was playing with her doll Edna) :'''Bugs''' Bugs Bunny to pilot, Bugs Bunny to pilot, do you read me? :(Daffy playing his piano as the keys tinkle slow then fast) :'''Lola''': Mmm, I love you too Baby Pumpkin Pants. :(Lola hugs her doll and it start to cry, surprising Lola at that moment Granny walks in) :'''Granny''': Land-sakes what are you kids doing up so late? Do you have any idea what time it is? :'''Bugs, Daffy and Lola''': No. :'''Granny''', Well, it's three o'clock in the morning, which is way past your bedtime, (Granny walks over to the curtains and closes them) First thing tomorrow, I'm going to teach you kids how to tell time. :'''Lola''': What's so important about telling time? :'''Granny''': Well, telling time comes in handy lots of ways, think of all the fun things you'd miss if you didn't known when to be there. :'''Daffy''': Well if it's okay with you Granny, I'm gonna skip it, telling time is for people who...who has nothing but time on their hands. :'''Bugs and Lola''': We don't have time on our hands. :'''Granny''': That's just an old saying kids, you can skip the lesson if you want Daffy, But don't forget there's another old saying about time (Granny puts Daffy to bed and makes her way to the door) it waits for no one, nighty-night kids, pleasant dreams. :(Granny turns off the lights and leaves, while Daffy [[w:The Fourth Wall|addresses the audience (I think)]]) :'''Daffy''': (sighs) Ha, who does she think she's kidding? "Time waits for no one", that's the silliest thing I've ever (yawn) heard, ooh (And Daffy falls asleep) <hr width = "50%"/> :(In the backyard, Daffy is playing golf and Bugs and Lola come up right behind him) :'''Lola''': You missed a really fun lesson Daffy. :'''Bugs''': Eh, yeah, Granny taught us all sorts of stuff about how to tell time. :'''Daffy''': Well it just so happens that I learned something about time too. :'''Bugs''': Ya did, what? :'''Daffy''': You're wasting mine, playtime is the best time of all and can't you see that I am right in the middle of it? :'''Lola''': C'mon Bugs, It's obvious that Daffy doesn't have time to talk to us. :(Daffy prepares to shoot his golf ball until-) :'''Bugs''': Oh uh, one last thing Daffy, Granny's taking us on a picnic. :'''Lola''': At 12 o'clock, That's when the big hand and the little hand are both pointing straight up. :(Bugs tickles Lola underneath her arm pits, because Lola had lifted both her arms up) :'''Bugs''': You're supposed to meet us by the front door in one hour. :'''Daffy''': Alright, alright, already, I'll be there. :'''Lola''': But how are you gonna know when an hour's up? you didn't come to Granny's lesson. :'''Daffy''': That's easy, every hour, Granny's big [[w:Grandfather clock|Grandfather clock]] makes a big loud noise (meanwhile, said grandfather clock Daffy was talking about struck 11 o'clock) Now step aside please, can't you see I'm working on my swing? :(Knowing they couldn't win the argument, Bugs and Lola leave, as soon as they left, Daffy shoots the golf ball through the sky, hitting a branch of a tree, bouncing off a rock, flying over the roof of the house, rolling across the roof of the bandstand, going through a window and end's up in between the two hours of the grandfather clock, stopping the time) :'''Daffy''': Another one out of sight, I loose more golf balls that way, oh well. :(And with that, Daffy puts his golf club back into his golf bag and rides away on his tricycle) <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Daffy''': Alright Duck, get a hold of yourself, telling time isn't everything, I mean there's other thing just as important that I'm really good at, yeah, like riding my tricycle or washing my own clothes (notices the bubble coming out the bottom of the door) Hmm? that's odd (bubble pops in Daffy's eye, but he wipes it away, but just before he could open the door, A massive flood of bubbles bursts out, the water comes out of every window of the house and the chimney and it comes out the door as well with Daffy riding it) '''AH, HELP GRANNY, HELP HELP!''', (scene changes to Daffy's head in the middle of a blue and purple swirl while images of Daffy and the clock go around him) '''AAH, HELP, HELP!''', '''HELP! HELP! HELP!''', HELP whoo hoo (Suddenly an alarm clock appears in the middle, it is then revealed that it was all a dream and the alarm clock was waking Daffy up) Help Granny help! whoo hoo, Huh?, Wow!, what a dream, Granny was right, telling time really is important, I hope I'm not too late. (Daffy jumps out of bed, races out of the room and makes to the stairs, He rides down the banister and skids over to the hallway, he races down the corridor, makes it into the room where the lesson was taking place and and sits down next to Bugs and Lola) Did I miss anything? :'''Bugs''': No Daffy, not a thing. :'''Lola''': You're right on time. :(Lola laughs as Daffy [[w:The Fourth Wall|looks to the audience in unamusement]] as the episode ends) <hr width = "50%"/> ===''Mine! / Sylvester The Pester''=== :'''Bugs''': Daffy, are you okay? :'''Daffy''': Ow (he looks under the chair and pulls out a red purse) Look what I found. :'''Bugs''': What is it? :'''Daffy''': Don't know, but it's mine! :'''Bugs''': Says who? :'''Daffy''': Says me bunny! :'''Bugs''': This room is where Granny reads and plays canasty, I bet that thing is hers. :'''Daffy''': No, it's mine! :'''Bugs''': Daffy. :'''Daffy''': Mine! :'''Bugs''': Daf. :'''Daffy''': Mine! :'''Bugs''': D- :'''Daffy''': '''MIIIIINE!!!''' :'''Bugs''': Ehh, Okay Daffy, let's go get some lunch and talk this over. :'''Daffy''': Lunch, Lunch, Look! an indoor carrot-patch! :'''Bugs''': Where? Where? (Daffy runs away leaving a cloud of dust and Bugs coughing) He tricked me (stomach rumbles) this is all your fault. <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Bugs''': Gotta get Daffy to put that thing back, it's the right thing to do. :'''Lola''': Maybe he knows now that it's not his. :'''Daffy'''(off screen): Mine! :(Daffy is pacing around a mound of dirt with a sign that read "MINE" poking from it) :'''Bugs''': We're talking about Daffy. :'''Lola''': Oh yeah, I forgot. :'''Daffy''': Go away bunnies! :'''Lola''': Daffy, why don't you just put that thing back where you found it? :'''Daffy''': You told on me! You! You! :'''Lola''': Daffy! We just don't want to see you get in trouble, right Bugs? Bugs? Bugs! :'''Bugs''': Oh yeah, sure we don't. :'''Daffy''': I--I didn't do anything wrong, so I'm not gonna get in trouble :'''Bugs''': Oh yeah? Then why are ya shakin'? :'''Daffy''': Who--Who--Who's shaking? :'''Lola''': Look! Granny's coming. :(Granny is walking around the garden) :'''Bugs''': Yeah, now you can tell her about that thing. :'''Daffy''': No Way! It's Mine! :'''Lola''': If you're not gonna tell her, we will, come on Bugs. :'''Bugs''': Last chance doc. :'''Daffy''': Oh, are you still here? :'''Bugs''': Be that way, oh Granny! :'''Lola''': Can you believe that Daffy? :'''Bugs''': Not usually. :'''Lola''': Keeping something that doesn't belong to him, I mean, who does he think he is? :'''Bugs''': I think he thinks he's Daffy. :'''Lola''': Good point. :'''Daffy''': Tattlers! Big mouths! (turns to the sign) Oh it's not fair, I found you fair and square, why do they want me to give you back? don't look at me like that, I didn't do anything wrong, I--I-- Okay, okay! You talked me into it (Daffy races away, but comes back with a shovel and starts digging) I'll just dig ya up and then I'll tell Granny just what I told the bunny, then, you're mine. <hr width = "50%"/> ===''Cat-Taz-Trophy / Duck! Monster! Duck!''=== ===''The Brave Little Tweety / The Puddle Olympics''=== :'''Lola''': The Playroom theatre is proud to present :(Lola draws back the curtains) :'''Lola''': The Brave Little Tweety, Starring...Tweety! :(Granny [who's being the audience] claps with delight) :'''Bugs''': Once ...Ahem... Upon a Time, in the little town of Looneyville, All the villagers woke up to find a strange box. :(Sylvester, Lola and Daffy all wake up and looked at the box) :'''Bugs''': Nobody knew what it was or where it came from or even what was in it. :(They were still observing it and Daffy knocked on the lid of the box and inside came a large growl which scared them all) :'''Bugs''': It was a monster! :'''Lola''': Help! :'''Sylvester''': Save us! :'''Daffy''': What he said! :'''Bugs''': Tweety, that's your cue :(Tweety walks onto the stage, but gets immediate stage fright) :'''Bugs''': "Have no fear, Brave Little Tweety is here". :'''Tweety''': Have no fear! (Tweety stops and strains as he's trying to find the right words) Bwave Wittle Tweety is here! :(Taz sticks his arm out and turns the crank and then he jumps out like a [[w:Jack-in-the-box | Jack in the box]] and scares everyone, everyone screams and Lola runs away, Daffy tries to run but his pants accidentally falls down, he quickly pulls them back up and he and Sylvester run away in fear) :'''Bugs''': The villagers of Looneyville were scared, right out of their pants, But...The Brave Little Tweety saved them from the monster :(Taz roars at Tweety and so he runs away as well only to be stopped by Bugs) :'''Bugs''': Go on Tweety, Save 'em. :(Taz still roaring tries to scare Tweety again, but this time, Tweety jumps on the box and pushes Taz back inside and sits on the lid, Lola, Sylvester and Daffy all run back and praise Tweety for his bravery) :'''Bugs''': And that's how the Brave Little Tweety saved the day [[w:Porky Pig | And that's all folks]] <hr width = "50%"/> :(Daffy, Lola and Sylvester all looking at the rain outside, at that moment a rain drop collects on the windowsill and Lola draws a circle around it) :'''Lola''': This one's mine :(Another collects on Sylvester's side and so he draws a circle around it) :'''Sylvester''': And this one's mine :'''Lola''': And they're off, Sylvester's Window Runner is moving quickly down the glass followed by Lola's Wet Head. Around the Curve it's Window Runner by a dribble. Into the stretch, Window Runner leads by a trickle. Headin' for home, it's Lola's Wet Head coming up on the outside. It's Sylvester's Window Runner, Lola's Wet Head, Window Runner, Wet Head and at the windowsill, Lola's Wet Head wins by a drip! :'''Sylvester''': No fair, your raindrop cheated. :'''Lola''': Raindrops can't cheat. :'''Sylvester''': Oh yes they can! :'''Lola''': No they can't! :'''Sylvester''': Hmm, Daffy, can raindrops cheat? :'''Lola''': Sylvester says they can and I say No Way! :'''Daffy''': Okay, I'd just like to say that I think you both have spent a little too much time inside. :'''Lola''': Ya' know, I think he's right. :'''Sylvester''': Yeah :(Lola and Sylvester just shrug their shoulders and leave) :'''Daffy''': [[w:Rain Rain Go Away | Rain Rain go away, come again another day.]] :(Daffy turns away looking sad, then suddenly the sun comes out and the rain stops) :'''Daffy''': Huh? :(Daffy looks outside looking very surprised) :'''Daffy''': Did I do that? :(He turns to the other babies) :'''Daffy''': Hey Everybody, It stopped raining! Let's go outside and Play! :(The babies like the sound of that and so they all race outside to play) ===''A Lot Like Lola / Mother's Day Madness''=== ===''Takers Keepers / To Tell The Tooth''=== ===''Spinout / Snow Day''=== :''[Taz lost his ability to spin after eating too many snacks and starts bawling into tears]'' :'''Bugs''': ''[consoling him]'' What's up, little doc? :'''Taz''': ''[crying]'' TAZ NOT SPIN! ===''Shadow Of A Doubt / Christmas In July''=== :'''Daffy''': [running covered in pink paint] I need to see the doctor I need to see a doctor i got chickenpox ===''Bruce Bunny / Leader Of The Pack''=== ==''Season 2''== ===''Flower Power / Lightning Bugs Sylvester''=== ===''Flush Hour / I Strain''=== ===''The Sandman Is Coming / Some Assembly Required''=== ===''All Washed Up / Did Not! Did Too!''=== :'''Sylvester''': Hey, everybody! :'''Lola''': What is it, Sylvester? :'''Sylvester''': You know how Granny said no playing until we're all washed up? Well, Taz won't take his bath. :'''Daffy''': Hold on there, whiskers. You mean, nobody gets playtime until ''everbody's'' squeaky clean? :'''Melissa''': I guess that's always been the rule. :'''Bugs''': Welp, sounds like there's only one thing we can do. We've got to get Taz into the bathtub. :'''Lola''': But, how, Bugs? :'''Bugs''': Well, uh, first thing's first, has anyone seen my diaper? <hr width="50%"> :'''Bugs''': Come on, Taz, your turn for a bath. :'''Taz''': No bath! :'''Lola''': You gotta take a bath, Taz. Granny says so, or nobody gets playtime. :'''Taz''': Uh-uh! No wanna! :'''Daffy''': Step aside, I'll handle this. Now, look here, fur ball. You ''don't'' have to take a bath. :'''Taz''': I don't? :'''Daffy''': No, you could take a shower! Anything with soap and water involved! Please! I'm begging ya! :'''Taz''': NO BATH! <hr width="50%"> :'''Bugs''': Now, look what you did! :'''Lola''': What who did?! :'''Bugs''': You! :'''Lola''': ''Me?!'' The least you could do, is say you're sorry! :'''Bugs''': ''You're'' the one who ought to be sorry! :'''Lola''': If ''that's'' how you're gonna be, I'm taking my blocks back! :'''Bugs''': That's how I'm gonna be, because that's how…''you're'' being! :'''Daffy''': Well, isn't this a nice bucket of peach pits? There they go, taking our fun with them. :'''Sylvester''': Now, what are we gonna do? :'''Tweety''': Maybe there's a way to put this ''whole'' thing back together. :'''Daffy''': And ''how'' are you gonna do that? :'''Tweety''': Hmm… Bugs and Lola love playing hopscotch, right? So, here's what we're gonna do. ===''Tea And Basketball / Taz You Like It''=== ===''Band Together / War Of The Weirds''=== ===''The Harder They Fall / Business As Unusual''=== ===''Mr. McStuffles / Picture This!''=== ===''Hair Cut-Ups / A Clean Sweep''=== ===''Daffy Did It! / The Pig Who Cried Wolf''=== :''[While playing a game of soccer, Tweety uses a baseball bat to whack the soccer ball away from the goal and accidentally hits Granny, making her launch the laundry into the air and fall on the ground, and blames it on Daffy]'' :'''Granny''': Oh, my stars! Now everything will have to be washed again. Okay, now. Who is responsible for this? :'''Tweety''': I… I, I… :'''Granny''': Yes, Tweety? :'''Tweety''': ''[twitching his left eye, then points to Daffy]'' Daffy did it! :'''Daffy''': ''[cringes in shock]'' Huh?! Who?! What?! :'''Granny''': Is this true, Daffy? :'''Daffy''': No way! I'm innocent! :'''Tweety''': Daffy did it! :'''Daffy''': Stop saying that! :'''Granny''': Did anyone see how this happened? :'''Bugs''': Nope. I didn't see anything. :'''Sylvester''': Me neither. :'''Taz''': Me see space shuttle! :'''Tweety''': Daffy did it! :'''Daffy''': What are you talking about?! I didn't kick the ball! Okay, I did kick the ball, but I didn't! ===''New Cat In Town / The Magic Of Spring''=== :'''Sylvester''': ''[sighs]'' Kisses and cookies. What more could the world's cutest pussycat want? ''[he and the other baby Tunes see a baby skunk showing up]'' What is that? :'''Granny''': A new friend who's come to play. This is Baby Pepe. :''[The other babies, except Sylvester and Daffy, rush towards Baby Pepe, greeting him]'' :'''Bugs''': Hi, kid. I'm Bugs. This is Taz. :'''Taz''': ''[offering Baby Pepe a cookie]'' Mmm. Yum-yum, eat cookie. :'''Lola''': ''[rubbing Baby Pepe's cheek]'' Isn't he the cutest? :'''Tweety''': Very, very cute, indeed. ''[gives Baby Pepe a hug]'' :'''Lola''': Come meet Sylvester. Yeah, you're gonna be friends. ''[sets Baby Pepe in the baby carriage with Sylvester]'' :'''Sylvester''': ''[takes the cookie before Baby Pepe tries to take it]'' Hold on, brother. That's mine! ''[Baby Pepe climbs on his face to get the cookie]'' Watch the face! Watch the face! <hr width=50%> :'''Sylvester''': Hey, wait! That's-that's-- :'''Daffy''': ''[through hand puppet]'' That's ''your'' place? That's supposed to be you? :'''Sylvester''': No, I was just… I was-- :'''Daffy''': That's right. You were, as in, ''used'' to be the cutest cat in town. Not anymore. ''He'' is. I know what you feel like. I used to be the cute one too. ''[sighs]'' Face it, pal. When you get grown up like us, they just don't love you anymore. :'''Sylvester''': ''[determined]'' I'm not growing up that easy. <hr width=50%> :''[Granny and the baby Tunes are all gathered in the living room to watch Bugs perform his own magic show]'' :'''Melissa''': I'm so excited for the show to start! :'''Sylvester''': Me too! Bugs has been practicing like, crazy, ever since he bought that magic kit at the toy store. <hr width=50%> :''[Bugs sits at the kitchen table, sulking in humiliation over his magic show fail]'' :'''Granny''': ''[consoling him]'' Bugs? Is that the end of the magic show, dear? :'''Bugs''': Granny, I don't even think there is such a thing as magic. Not anymore. :'''Granny''': Of course there is, Bugs. There's magic everywhere. And with a little more practice, I'll bet you could be the best little magician there ever was. Let me see your hands. Hmm… Oh, clear as day. <hr width=50%> :'''Bugs''': Now that's what I call, magic. Turning a plain old backyard into a big symphony orchestra. ===''Who Said That? / Let Them Make Cake''=== :'''Daffy''': ''[throwing a tantrum while playing a game of Copycatter]'' You little &@*#%! You're nothin' but a &@*#%! I never wanna play this &@*#%$ game, EVER AGAIN! :''[The other baby Tunes are shocked at Daffy saying a bad word he heard from the garbage man]'' :'''Lola''': What did you just say? :'''Daffy''': I don't what the &@*#% you're talking about. :'''Lola''': ''That'' word! What does it mean? :'''Daffy''': I don't know. It's a new word I just learned. You should try it. :''[Granny enters the play room]'' :'''Baby Tunes''': Hi, Granny! How the &@*#% are you? :'''Granny''': ''[surprised with shock]'' Oh! My goodness, little ones, where did you hear a word like that? ''[The babies all point to Daffy; offended]'' Daffy, I'm surprised at you using such word. :'''Daffy''': What the &@*#% is wrong with using a word like &@*#%? ===''For Whom The Toll Calls / Cereal Boxing''=== ==''Season 3''== ===''Mind Your Manners / Petunia The Piggy Bank''=== ===''A Pastime For Petunia / Pouting Match''=== ===''Wise Quacker / Yours, Mine...And Mine, Mine, Mine!''=== ===''Loose Change / Act Your Age''=== :''[Daffy is sitting at the table with a new cereal box of Wheat Doodles]'' :'''Sylvester''': ''[takes a seat at the table]'' Whatcha eating? :'''Daffy''': I'm not eating anything. :'''Sylvester''': What's that stuff in your bowl? :'''Daffy''': It's some kind of new cereal that Granny bought. :'''Sylvester''': A new cereal? Is this some kind of joke? :'''Daffy''': If it's a joke, I'm not laughing. <hr width=50%> :'''Sylvester''': I'll swing on my swing like I always do. ''[falls on his back as the swing breaks]'' That never happened before. ''[starts bawling into tears]'' :'''Tweety''': Did you hurt yourself, Sylvester? :'''Sylvester''': ''[sniffling]'' No. I'm not hurt. :'''Tweety''': Then why the weepy eyes? :'''Sylvester''': Because my swing is broken. :'''Tweety''': But look, there's another swing right here next to you. :'''Sylvester''': But, ''this'' is the swing I always use, and now it's broken. ''[gets up and runs into the house]'' :'''Tweety''': Well, never look a gift swing in the mouth… or something like that. ===''Who's Your Granny? / The Tattletale''=== :'''Granny''': ''[hearing Taz bawling]'' Heavens what's all the rackus? :'''Lola''': Sylvester stole Taz's sandwich piece when Taz wasn't. ===''The Yolk's On You / Baby-Gate''=== ===''Never Say Try / Pair O' Dice Lost''=== Sylvester: That's It I'll never wanna build fly or see another kite Again [Sylvester sits on his bed] Stupid Kite I'll never do that again Stupid Stupid kite ===''Melissa The Hero / The Trouble With Larry''=== ===''The Littlest Tweety / In Bugs We Trust''=== ===''Cool For Cats / Time Out!''=== ===''Present Tense / The Neat And The Sloppy''=== ===''Tell-A-Photo / Move It!''=== ==''Season 4''== ===''These Little Piggies Went To The Market / Now Museum, Now You Don't''=== ===''Take Us Out To The Ballgame / Clues Encounters Of The Tweety Kind''=== ===''A Bully For Bugs / The Wheel Deal''=== :'''Elmer Fudd''': Okay wabbit I saw you get more, gimme all your candy! :'''Bugs''': But I only have an icky marshmallow bunny. :'''Elmer Fudd''': Mm-hmm :'''Bugs''': He has a chocolate duck, that's much better. :'''Elmer Fudd''': Okay then gimme the chocolate duck and no one get hurt! :'''Daffy''': Oh no kid, this chocolate duck is bitter, you don't want this, you should eat the marshmallow rabbit. :'''Bugs''': No doc, eat the chocolate duck. :'''Daffy''': Eat the rabbit. :'''Bugs''': Eat the duck. :'''Daffy''': Eat the rabbit! :'''Bugs''': Duck :'''Daffy''': Rabbit! :'''Bugs''': Duck :'''Daffy''': Rabbit! :'''Bugs''': Rabbit :'''Daffy''': Duck! :'''Bugs''': I say he should eat the rabbit :'''Daffy''': And I insist you eat the duck, here! :(Daffy shoves the chocolate duck into Elmer's mouth to his delight, but then Daffy come to the realisation that he just gave his own chocolate duck away) :'''Daffy''': Hmm, I better remember that [[w:Rabbit Fire|Just in case he ever tries that again someday]]. :'''Bugs''': Well, see you around doc. :'''Elmer Fudd''': Hold it right there wabbit! :(Elmer then proceeds to snatch the marshmallow rabbit from Bugs and eats it, much to the disappointed of Bugs) <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Daffy''': Tell them what happened! :'''Bugs''': Nothin' happened. Just forget it. ===''Oh Brother, Warehouse Art Thou? / Flu the Coop''=== :'''Lola''': Submitted for your approval, Sylvester a young cat. :'''Tweety''': Floyd! Lola's being an old TV rerun again! ''[Lola pushes him down]'' Hey! :'''Lola''': A young cat claws deep in the comfy fabric of a preschool routine, but this little kitty is about to go to market where he will discover, the only routine he can expect is, the unexpected. :'''Floyd''': C'mon, Sylvester, let go! :'''Sylvester''': No! No! I like this chair! :'''Floyd''': We're gonna get a new one! ''[pulls until Sylvester comes off the chair with the pieces of the chair fabric dug into his claws]'' :'''Lola''': Follow this journey under "Buckle up and Roll with it", for this creature of habit is about to leave, his comfort zone. ===''Blast Off Bugs / Baby Brouhaha''=== :(Scene opens at the Baby Looney Tunes house at dusk, The babies are all cheering for Bugs as he's "going" to the moon) :'''Bugs''': I'm flying the Super-Duper Moon Zoomer first, 'cause I've got the helmet :(Bugs puts a red bowl on his head) :'''Bugs''': I'm going right to the moon! :(Bugs leaves but then quickly comes back) :'''Bugs''': Then you guys can have a turn :(Bugs gives a salute) :'''Sylvester''': Granny, Granny come quick, Bugs is getting ready to go! :(Tweety races over to Bugs and hugs him) :'''Tweety''': Bugs :(Tweety hugs him tightly to wish him luck) :'''Tweety''': Come back save and sound and soon :(The rest of the babies climb onto chairs to help Bugs blast off) :'''Granny''': Have a wonderful trip Bugs dear :(Bugs climbing into his self made rocket) :'''Bugs''': Don't worry, I got a strong heart and a steady hand, I could fly this thing :(door closes and Bugs falls in) :'''Bugs''': With my eyes shut :(Bugs peaks through the window) :'''Bugs''': Begin the counting down! :(The babies count down and jump on the teeter-totter, but the rocket crashes down on the ground, Daffy and Sylvester race over to pull Bugs out of the wreckage, Bugs is okay but a little dazed, thinking that the back yard is the moon) :'''Bugs''': Wow, looks a lot like Earth :'''Sylvester''': It is Earth Bugs :'''Daffy''': Your blast-off was a bust-up :(Bugs looks at the remains of his rocket) :'''Bugs''': Oh, I'll never get to the moon the way I'm going :(Granny walks over to the babies and talk sympathetically to Bugs) :'''Granny''': Well perhaps you'll get there tomorrow dear, It's getting late now :(All the babies and Bugs all follow Granny into the house so they could all go to bed) <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Floyd''': Okay, Everyone stay together now, you won't believe the amazing bug display they have here :'''Lola''': We gotta see the inventions! :'''Sylvester''': Yeah, let's go their first! :'''Tweety''': Hoo Hoo, ooh, Yes! :'''Daffy''': No, No, No, No, We're going to see the explorers first :'''Taz''': Ooh, 'plorers, 'plorers, Yeah, Yeah! :'''Bugs''': First, First of all, I wanna see the rocket ships :'''Floyd''': Alright, we'll see everything if we stay organized, now, let's start with that insect exhibit :(The babies all take at once and then they split up and go in different directions) :'''Floyd''': Oh hey, their gone! :'''Old security guard''': Here we go again (as if he knows what the babies were up to the last time they visited the museum) <hr width = "50%"/> :''[Lola finds a book about babies.]'' :'''Tweety''': What does it say, Lola? :'''Lola''': Well, I can't read the words, but the pictures tell all about what babies are like. It says that babies eat, drink, sleep, play, crawl, smile, laugh, cry... ''[starts to become uneasy, as do the other babies]'' scream... wail, kick, screech... burp... barf up dinner... pass lots of gas... tears come out of their eyes... drool comes out of their mouth... stuff comes out of their nose... ''[Daffy gags]'' And everyday, they fill their diapers with... :''[Bugs gasps. Lola gasps and shuts the book, completely disgusted and mortified.]'' :'''Lola''': EWWWWWWW! :'''All''': EWWWWWWW! ===''Log Cabin Fever / A Mid-Autumn Night's Scream''=== ===''Are We There, Yet? / Save Our Cinnamon''=== ===''Lights! Camera! Tweety! / Backstage Bugs''=== :'''Granny''': It's so nice of you to take the kids to see the Wormies Floyd. :'''Bugs''': Willy is my favourite wormy. :'''Floyd''': No problem Granny, they love the Wormies. :'''Bugs''': Uh-huh, especially Willy Wormy. :'''Granny''': You kids be sure to stay close to Floyd today. :'''Bugs''': He's gonna take me backstage to meet Willy Wormy, right Floyd? :'''Floyd''': I'll try Bugs, we'll see if it's possible. <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Sylvester''': He's super. :'''Taz''': Uh-huh, cutie pie. :'''Lola''': Fantastic. :'''Daffy''': Colossal. :'''Bugs''': And he's taking me backstage to meet Willy Wormy, right Uncle Floyd? :'''Floyd''': Uh, we'll see Bugs, we'll see. <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Bugs''': Floyd! :'''Tweety''': Floyd! :'''Lola''': I'm hungry. :'''Daffy''': Floyd, can we get a snack? :'''Tweety''': Pwease? :'''Floyd''': No. :'''Taz''': Taz want snack! :'''Sylvester''': Oh please-please-please-please? :'''Floyd''': No, no, no, no, no! :'''Willy Wormy''': Let's sing it again! :'''Wormies''': Pears and apples make a very yummy snack! :'''Floyd''': Hey kids, how 'bout I go and get us some popcorn? :'''Babies''': Hooray! :'''Daffy''': Whoo-hoo! :'''Taz''': Poppycorn! :'''Floyd''': Now stay right here until I get back, we don't want anyone to get lost in this big place. <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Tweety''': Fwoyd, Fwoyd! I have to go potty. :'''Floyd''': Can't you wait Tweety? :'''Tweety''': Oooh, I don't think so. :'''Taz''': Uh, Taz need laborartory. :'''Floyd''': Can't you wait? :'''Bugs''': Not a chance doc. :'''Daffy''': Nope. :'''Lola''': I doubt it. :'''Sylvester''': Nah, no way. :'''Taz''': Nu-uh. :'''Floyd''': Okay, let's go potty. <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Bugs''': Come on, hurry! They're in there, the Wormies are in there! Eh, 'cuse me doc, (the Doorman blocks Bugs' way) Hey look out yah big galoot, the Wormies are in there, I gotta go see 'em! :'''Floyd''': Relax Bugs, just let me talk to the doorman first, hi there, any chance getting backstage to meet the Wormies this afternoon? :'''Babies''': Please! :'''Doorman''': (raises an eyebrow) Wait over there with the others. :(Floyd looks and sees a long line of people) :'''Floyd''': Gee, thanks. <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Willy Wormy''': Excuse me, did one of you forget your pen? :'''Bugs''': Willy? Willy Wormy? Is it really and truly you? :'''Willy Wormy''': Yep, it's me, who are you? :'''Bugs''': I'm Bugs and I'm your biggest, most bestest fan. :'''Willy Wormy''': Really? Well thank you, you know I think my bestest fan, ought to have one of my bestest hats, to share with his friends, don't you? :'''Bugs''': Whoa, this is so cool. :'''Taz''': Wowee! :'''Tweety''': Ooh. :'''Lola''': Look at that. :'''Sylvester''': Cool. :'''Daffy''': Can I wear it Bugsy? :'''Willy Wormy''': I hope I'll see you kids again real soon, enjoy the hat with your friends Bugs! :'''Bugs''': I will (looks at his friends) we will! :(The babies all wave and said goodbye to Willy) ===''Bend It Like Petunia / Cock-a-Doodle-Doo-It!''=== ===''Wrong! / Win, Lose Or Daffy''=== ===''A Turtle Named Myrtle / There's Nothing Like A Good Book''=== ===''The Dolly Vanishes / Duck's Reflucks''=== ===''Stop and Smell Up The Flowers / Firehouse Frolics''=== ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American animated TV spin-offs]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Cartoon Network shows]] [[Category:Kids' WB shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:Looney Tunes]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] 5hognupzbx0faiu9aq9ddaxx2lzyx9j 0 244491 3949169 3949158 2026-06-05T12:39:30Z JayAndrewBoy 3180922 /* Dialogue */ 3949169 wikitext text/x-wiki '''''[[Asdfmovie]]''''' is a web series created by [[wikipedia:TomSka|TomSka]] that consists of random humor clips. == Dialogue == === asdfmovie === :''[The baby giggles, and the father touches the baby's nose.]'' :'''Father''': Got your nose! :[''The baby's giggling continues as a police officer rushes into the room.''] :'''Police Officer''': Look out, he's got a nose! ''[gunshot]'' <hr> :'''Guy''': You gotta help me, man! My tie is evil, and it's gonna kill me! :''[The other guy backs away suspiciously without saying anything.]'' :'''Guy''': Please don't hurt me... :''[His tie laughs sinisterly.]'' <hr> :'''Guy''': Hello, parking meter! :'''Parking meter''': Hello! :''[The guy is surprised that the parking meter can talk.]'' <hr> :'''Guy #1''': Hey, guy. Hey. Smell my flower. :'''Guy #2''': ''[smells the flower]'' Mmmm. :''[A monster emerges from Guy #1's stomach.]'' :'''Guy #2:''' LOL! :''[The monster goes back into his stomach.]'' <hr> :''[The guy presses the button labeled "Pointless Button", but nothing happens.]'' :'''Guy''': Hm. <hr> :'''Man''': Hey, man-- ''[gets punched in the face]'' Aw, what the hell is wrong with you?! :'''Announcer Voice''': Level up! <hr> :'''Lady''': Somebody help me, I'm being robbed! :'''Tree-Man''': I'll save you! Tree powers, activate! :''[The Tree-Man transforms into a detailed pencil drawing of a tree.]'' <hr> :'''Potato Killer''': Die, potato! :'''Potato''': Nooooo—! [gets stepped on] <hr> :''[The guy is holding a knife in one hand, preparing to eat the cake.]'' :'''Guy''': Mmm, yum. :''[The guy cuts a cake.]'' :'''Cake''': AAAAAHHHH! Why would you do this?! I have a wife and family! :'''Guy''': Noooo! :'''Cake''': Agh, the pain! It's unbearable! :'''Guy''': What have I done?! :'''Cake''': Aaah! Tell my children I love them! :'''Cupcakes''': Daddy! :''[The cake fell off the table.]'' :'''Guy''': Noooooooo! :'''Cupcakes''': Noooooooo! :''[The cake lands with a squelch on the ground.]'' <hr> :'''Guy #1''': Hey. You know who's gay? ''You.'' :''[The camera zooms out to reveal that Man #1 has been stabbed by Guy #2.]'' :'''Guy #1''': Aw, come on! === asdfmovie2 === :'''Guy''': ''[holding a pie]'' I baked you a pie! :'''Kid''': Oh, boy! What flavor? :'''Guy''': ''Pie flavor.'' :''[A tiny pie bursts out as the electric guitar blares.]'' <hr> :'''Girl''': I like singing! :'''Boy''': I like dancing! :'''Ryan (I Like Trains Guy)''': '''I like trains.''' :''[A train speeding past him blares its horn.]'' <hr> :'''Guy #1''': Hey. It says "Gullible" on the ceiling. :''[Guy #2 glances up and sees that the word "Gullible" is written on the ceiling.]'' :'''Guy #2''': Oh, so it do— Ah, you stole my lungs. <hr> :'''Potato Killer''': Die, potato! :''[A potato wearing sunglasses pulls a gun on him.]'' :'''Potato''': Not today. :''[The Potato Killer is surprised.]'' <hr> :'''Clown''': Haha! They said I could never teach a llama to drive! :''[The llama bleats while riding in the car.]'' :'''Clown''': No, llama, noooo! :''[The llama drives off a cliff.]'' <hr> :'''Patient''': Doctor, I think I might be homosexual! :'''Doctor''': How can you tell? :'''Patient''': ''[vomits a rainbow at doctor]'' '''RAINBOWS!''' <hr> :'''Ranger''': What are you, a man or a mouse?! :''[A realistic drawing of a horse is shown.]'' <hr> :'''Teacher''': Hey, kids! I brought you some cookies! :''[The kids cheer when Ryan shows up.]'' :'''Ryan''': I like trains. :''[The teacher and the kids stare at Ryan blankly and then Ryan gets run over by a train.]'' <hr> :'''Singer''': ''♪ Desmond the Moon Bear! ♪'' :'''Desmond''': How did I... get here? :'''Voice''': The end. <hr> :'''Guy''': ''[while holding a book, chuckles]'' I can't read. <hr> :'''Guy #1''': Kitten fight! :'''Guy #2''': No, wait! I'm allergic to adorableness! :''[Guy #2 gets hit in the face by a kitten, so he picks it up, which makes the kitten look really cute.]'' :'''Guy #2''': Awww! :''[The grave of Guy #2 is shown.]'' <hr> :'''Harold''': What are you up to, son? :'''Ryan''': I like trains. :'''Harold''': ''[chuckles]'' Yes, you do. :''[A long, awkward pause.]'' <hr> :'''Guy #1''': Hey. You know who's gay? Yo— :''[Guy #1 and Guy #2 were interrupted when they got hit by a train.]'' <hr> :'''Guy #1''': ''[holding the bagel]'' I can't wait to eat this bagel! :'''Guy #2''': Yes, you can. :'''Guy #1''': Yeah, I guess you're right. === asdfmovie12 === :''[The husband was filming when the doctor pushed the baby back into his wife's body.]'' :'''Husband''': Keep pushing! Push! :'''Doctor''': Congratulations! We got it back in! <hr> :'''Flower''': ''♪ I'm on my way, I'm on my way, I'm on my way to eat your skin! ♪'' :''[An unsettling piano note plays as the camera zooms in slowly on the flower.]'' <hr> :'''Kid''': Dad, I'm gay! :'''Dad''': I have no son! :'''Kid''': ''[gasps]'' This isn't my house! <hr> :'''Teacher''': ''♪ A, B, C, D, E, F— '''gun!''' ♪'' ''[gets shot]'' <hr> :'''Waffle''': Did somebody say ''"waffles"?'' :'''Guy''': No. :''[beat]'' :'''Waffle''': I have brain damage. <hr> :'''Guy''': ''[gets stabbed by the other guy and gasps]'' A knife! My favorite! <hr> :'''Nerd Guy''': ''[rubbing lamp]'' I wish people would be nice to me. :''[A genie comes out of the lamp, and the nerd instantly becomes happier.]'' :'''Genie''': Your wish is ''stupid.'' <hr> :'''Guy''': Hey! Can your girlfriend do this? :''[The guy holds his breath and explodes.]'' :'''Boyfriend''': Mmm, that's hot. <hr> :'''Boss''': You're fired! :'''Guy''': You can't fire me, I quit! :'''Boss''': You can't quit, I quit! :'''Guy''': You can't quit, you're a frog! :'''Frog''': You can't frog me, you're my wife! :'''Wife''': I'm not your wife, you're ''my'' wife! :'''Frog Wife''': Oh, hey, honey. How was work? :'''Wife''': Pretty good, but I quit my job. :'''Frog Wife''': You can't quit your job, you're ''FIRED!'' :'''Wife''': ''[on fire]'' ''AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!'' <hr> :'''Guy''': I sure hope I don't get hit by a car! :''[A guy gets punched by a car's fist.]'' :'''Car''': That's for sleeping with my wife! <hr> :'''Guy''': ''[dials phone number]'' Hey, um, can people fly? That's a shame. :''[The guy hits the ground when he falls.]'' <hr> :'''Guy #1''': Ugh. It's Johnny Big Feet. :'''Johnny Big Feet''': Hey, my feet aren't ''that'' big! :''[The camera pans in for a close-up of his foot, revealing that he stepped on Guy #2.]'' :'''Guy #1''': Damn you, Johnny Big Feet! <hr> :'''Guy #1''': ''[rubbing his chin]'' Hmmmmm... This is ''not'' my arm. :''[The camera zooms out, revealing that Guy #2 is rubbing Guy #1's chin with his extremely long arm.]'' :'''Guy #2''': Hey. Your chin feels nice. <hr> :'''Lady''': Oh no, a gunman! :'''Gunman''': Ohoho! I'm gonna stab ya! ''[pulls out the knife]'' <hr> :'''Guy''': Hey! :''[The horse trots over to the guy and tramples him.]'' :'''Horse''': '''''WHERE?!''''' <hr> :'''Doctor''': Good news! We were able to save your legs! :''[The doctor pulls the patient's legs.]'' :'''Doctor''': And here they are! <hr> :'''Lady''': I'm leaving you, Jerry... You and your inappropriate reactions. :'''Jerry''': ''[throwing arms up waving]'' Wheeeee! <hr> :'''Waffle''': ''[smacks his lips]'' My mouth tastes like teeth. <hr> :'''Pregnant lady''': I don't wanna be a mother. :''[The pregnant lady suddenly disappears, and the baby falls to the ground.] :'''Baby''': Oh no... [[Category:Internet shows]] 0mfh4zqtqagtiedlfm79a6f0r4nhtu8 0 245605 3949182 3945723 2026-06-05T13:26:00Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949182 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:3-2-1 Penguins!|3-2-1 Penguins!]]''''' (2000-2003, 2006-2008) is an American [[sci-fi]]/fantasy/adventure/comedy/space opera 3D animated Christian preschool educational series that follows the two 5-year old twin siblings, Jason T. Conrad, and his little twin sister, Michelle Frances Conrad, who are spending the summer with their grandmother at their grandparent's cottage in the The Poconos region of Pennsylvania. They're also pulled into a rocket ship of a troop of four penguins as they're taken on a galactic adventure. The show was aimed at preschoolers, and kindergarteners, and from ages 3 to 6, but had scenes, for adults, from ages 18 to 21, which were very terrifying, and scary, including strongest violence. ==Season 1 (2000-2003)== ===''Trouble on Planet Wait-Your-Turn''=== :''[First lines; The Conrad family are driving in the Poconos region of Pennsylvania to drop off their kids, Jason and Michelle, at Grandmum's cottage for the summer]'' :'''Jason''': ''[as Michelle's doll's shoe hits him on the side of his head on purpose; getting very angry]'' Mommy!!! she did that again!!! :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Michelle, come on, we're almost there. Apologize to your big brother. :'''Michelle''': I'm sorry, Jason. :'''Mrs. Conrad''': I hope you two don't act this way while you're at Grandmum's. :'''Michelle''': ''[excited]'' Yay, Grandmum's cottage! :'''Jason''': Yay, Grandmum's cottage. You know, Trevor's at Space Camp right now. :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Jason, you'll get to go to Space Camp after Grandmum's cottage. You're just going to need to be patient. :'''Michelle''': I just love Grandmum's cottage! Are we almost there? :'''Mr. Conrad''': You should know where we are, cupcake, unless you aren't wearing your glasses again. ''[the car pulls up in front of the cottage]'' Hey, hey, hey! We're here! :'''Grandmum''': ''[walks out of the door and to the car; excitedly]'' Hello, sweeties! How's my two favorite twin pumpkins? :'''Michelle''': ''[in unison]'' Hi, Grandma. :'''Jason''': ''[in unison]'' Hi, Grandma. :'''Grandmum''': Oh, that's ''Grandmum'' to you, you little bugs! :'''Mr. Conrad''': Oh, you kids are gonna like it here. Your grandpa finished this place when I was about your age. :'''Grandmum''': That's right. Built the whole place himself, he did. Quite a man, your grandpop. ''[gets a hug from Michelle]'' Oh! Goodness, now, which one are you, then? :'''Michelle''': We're not identical twins, Grandmum. :'''Jason''': Thank goodness. :'''Michelle''': Just remember, I'm the sweetest one. :'''Jason''': And I'm the one who's supposed to be at Space Camp. ''[gets out of the car]'' :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Okay, that's everything. I'm afraid we have to run or we'll miss our flight. :'''Mr. Conrad''': Thanks for watching the kids, Mom. Jason and Michelle, we'll call you when we get there. :'''Grandmum''': Have a good trip. And don't you worry about these two, they'll be just fine here. No better place for kids, you know. :'''Mr. Conrad''': That's right. :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Bye-bye, sweethearts, we love you! Be good for your grandmum. :'''Mr. Conrad''': And have fun! :'''Grandmum''': Come on, pumpkins! You can give me a hand with supper. :'''Michelle''': Goodbye! :'''Mr. & Mrs. Conrad''': Bye. :'''Jason''': Bye. :''[The car starts pulling away but comes back after a few seconds]'' :'''Mr. Conrad''': Jason, your mom and I know you'd rather be at Space Camp right now, so we got you and Michelle something that might make the time go faster. Now, be sure you take turns with your sister. We'll call you for tonight, bud. <hr width="50%"> :''[While Jason plays with the Rockhopper and Michelle looks through a telescope in the attic, the ship magically comes to life and Jason meets the penguin troops for the first time]'' :'''Zidgel''': Jason T. Conrad. We need your help! :'''Jason''': You're, you're alive! :'''Midgel''': Of course we are, kid. It's much easier to do our jobs that way. :'''Zidgel''': Get in here, Jason. The galaxy waits for no man! :'''Jason''': What? I can't. I'm too big. :'''Zidgel''': Ah, too big, too big. When I was your size, I was ''twice'' your size. ''[to Fidgel]'' Dr. Fidgel, galeezle him. :'''Fidgel''': Yes, right away. ''[fires the galeezle and a big claw comes out of the ship, grabbing Jason]'' :'''Jason''': Hey! ''[gets reeled into the ship]'' I… I… I can't believe you guys are alive. :'''Zidgel''': Of course we are. :'''Midgel''': Either that or you're daydreaming. :'''Fidgel''': That's true. Sensors indicate that he ''could'' be daydreaming. :'''Midgel''': But no time for small talk now, we've got work to do. :'''Jason''': What about my sister? Is she coming? :'''Zidgel''': Don't worry, she'll get her chance. But right now, ''you're'' the one that we need. <hr width="50%"> :'''Zigel''': Okay, boys, I think it's time we briefed our new cadet. Now, listen up. I am Captain Zidgel. This is my ship. Over here, we have Dr. Fidgel. :'''Fidgel''': How do you do? :'''Zidgel''': This is the ship's pilot and engineer, First Officer Midgel. And, um, ''[clears throat]'' that's, uh, Kevin. :'''Kevin''': ''[vacuuming]'' Pleasure. :'''Jason''': What does he do? :''[Kevin gets his head sucked into the hose]'' :'''Zidgel''': Mostly, he just does that. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': Penguins, we have to get out of here! The cutting-in-line bug is infecting us too! :'''Midgel''': Nonsense! But if it is, it infected me first. :'''Fidgel''': No, I was first. :'''Kevin''': Me! Me! :'''Zidgel''': You're all being ridiculous! I wanted to cut in front of you hours ago. :'''Jason''': People! Don't you understand what happens when you get too close to the sun?! You'll '''''burn up!''''' <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': We're all gonna die if we keep this up! :'''Midgel''': He could be right! :'''Zidgel''': Or it could be a clever scam so that he could go first! :'''Jason''': Wait! Listen to me! We need to learn to wait our turns. To let someone else go first now and then. It's called patience. It's a virtue. :'''Zidgel''': I couldn't agree more! That's why you should wait your turn! :'''Jason''': No, no. Oh, what was that verse? Um, "A patient man has great understanding, but a quick tempered man displays folly." :'''Vacuum Cleaner''': ''[confused]'' What's folly? :'''Jason''': Foolishness. Trouble. Having to go first all the time only leads to trouble, like getting burned up by the sun! Now, the consequences are not always so extreme, but good things come to those who wait. :'''Zidgel''': So, what do we do? :'''Jason''': ''[gets an idea; politely]'' After you. ===''The Cheating Scales of Bullamanka''=== :'''Grandmum''': ''[teaching Michelle the importance of cheating]'' You know what the Good Book says about cheating, don't you? "The Lord hates cheating scales, but accurate weights are his delight." <hr width="50%"> :''[Michelle meets the penguin troops for the first time as the Rockhopper comes to life]'' :'''Zidgel''': Michelle Francis Conrad. :'''Michelle''': ''[calling for Jason, thinking it's for him]'' Uh, Jason? It's for you. :'''Zidgel''': Not so fast! ''You're'' the one we need, this time. :'''Michelle''': Jason's right. You guys ''are'' alive. :'''Midgel''': Either that or you're daydreaming. :'''Kevin''': Whoa, déjà vu. :'''Zidgel''': Dr. Fidgel, galeezle her. :'''Fidgel''': Right away, captain. :'''Midgel''': Hang on. :''[Fidgel fires the galeezle and the claw pops out of the ship, grabbing Michelle]'' :'''Michelle''': Wait! :'''Fidgel''': ''[reels her in aboard the ship]'' Amazing, an exact duplicate of your brother, only with pigtails! :'''Michelle''': We're, we're not identical twins, we're just the same age. ===''The Amazing Carnival of Complaining''=== :'''Michelle''': What's the matter, Jason? Are you bored? ''[Jason growls in annoyance]'' Too bad the video game's busted, huh? :'''Jason''': As a matter of fact, it is too bad, because I'm bored out of my brain! There's absolutely ''nothing'' to do up here! Why can't I be having fun at Space Camp like Trevor instead of eating weird grapes and thumb wrestling myself because the only other possible thing to do is plant pumpkins or stare at the wall?! Oh, that gives me an idea, I think I'll ''stare'' at the wall! :'''Michelle''': Touché. :'''Grandmum''': Heavens above! That's no way to look at things, is it? You do know what it says about complaining in the Bible, don't you? "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure. Children of God without fault in this crooked world in which you shine like stars in the universe." You know, Jason, if you can't control your complaining, it'll spread to everyone around you, and you'll be a seed of discontent. So, which will it be, a grumpy seed, or a shining star? We will be outside if you change your mind. Come along, Michelle. ''[she and her granddaughter head outside the garden]'' :'''Jason''': Why would anyone want grapes with seeds? ===''Runaway Pride at Lightstation Kilowatt''=== ===''The Doom Funnel Rescue!''=== :''[A mail truck drops off some mail at Grandmum's cottage and drives away]'' :'''Jason & Michelle''': ''[run out the front door]'' Mail! :'''Jason''': Race ya. :'''Michelle''': Well… okay! ''[runs to the mailbox]'' :'''Jason''': Hey, no fair! Michelle, come on! :'''Michelle''': ''[opens the mailbox]'' What's the matter? It's just the mail. :'''Jason''': Come on, I'm desperate! If I don't hear something from the outside world soon, I'm gonna crack! :'''Michelle''': Well…let's just see what the postman's brought. Could this be for you? Oh, no, I guess not. But ooh! Here's an exciting opportunity to refund your home at today's low rate. :'''Jason''': Michelle… :'''Michelle''': You know, it's never too early to start planning for your retirement. :'''Jason''': That does it. Prepare to--rarrr! ''[starts chasing her around]'' :'''Michelle''': Hey, Jason! :'''Jason''': Come on, hand it over! :'''Michelle''': Cut it out! :'''Jason''': It's no use resisting. :'''Grandmum''': Goodness, muffins, what's all this? :'''Jason''': Michelle won't let me see the mail. :'''Grandmum''': Now, now, Michelle, what is it the Good Book says? Oh, yes! "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act." I suppose that goes for the mail as well. :'''Michelle''': I was gonna give it to him eventually. :'''Grandmum''': Let's see, bills, bills, some lovely coupons, a card for Michelle, oh! And here's a nice letter for Jason. :'''Jason''': For me? Hey, it's from Trevor! ''[takes out a photo of Trevor on the anti-gravity simulator]'' Look, here's a picture of him on the anti-gravity simulator. :'''Michelle''': Personally, I never understood why a bunch of kids would wait in line just to get nauseous. :'''Grandmum''': Well, come along, bugs. We'll all read our mail over some delicious prune trifle. :'''Jason''': Yeah, here we can get nauseous without the weight. <hr width="50%"> :''[Jason lays on the couch reading Trevor's letter to him]'' :'''Trevor''': ''[voice-over] And being weightless was very neat. Friday, we learned all about space storms. Rocket science is a real blast. Get it? Ha, ha. Hey, remember that day we went to Astroland and rode on the Twister 28 times in a row? Nobody can take centrifugal force like you and me, right? I really wish you were here. Stuff's always more fun when you're around. Well, I gotta go meet John Glenn. Write soon, and tell me all the exciting things you've been doing. Your pal, Trevor.'' :'''Michelle''': Grandmum, the sink's leaking again! :'''Grandmum''': Well, we'll fix it up in a jiffy. Just need to find my supply of duct tape. ''[enters the living room, holding a roll of duct tape]'' Nice of Trevor to write you, wasn't it? I'm sure he misses you a lot. :'''Jason''': Yeah, I can tell. :'''Grandmum''': You should write him back right away. I'll bet he'd love hearing from you. You can tell him all about what you've been doing. :'''Michelle''': ''[coming down the stairs]'' Good idea! There was that one paperclip chain you made, and helping Grandmum put on her hair net, and that awful morning we, uh, ran out of toast. :'''Grandmum''': Woah, don't like to think about that too much. :'''Jason''': ''[sits up and gets off the couch]'' Well, I'm sure Trevor is having too much fun to bother reading any letter from me. :'''Grandmum''': You know, love, he might be a little homesick. Hearing from you could be just what the doctor ordered. :'''Jason''': Yeah, I think I'll just go upstairs. :'''Grandmum''': I'm sure you'll do the right thing, dear. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[holding up the Rockhopper with Preston in it]'' All systems are go for Captain Preston of the Space Mouse Patrol! As the mighty ship prepares to launch! Three, two… ''[Preston jumps out of the ship]'' Preston! ''[tries to catch him, but trips and falls on the floor]'' :''[Preston lands on top of the ship as it soars to life]'' :'''Zidgel''': 40 foot rodent! ''[Midgel presses a button, opening the dome and catapulting Preston off the ship; calling out to Jason while he tries to look for Preston]'' Cadet Jason T. Conrad, report for duty immediately! :'''Jason''': Huh? Oh, sure. Just give me a minute. I gotta find Preston. :'''Zidgel''': No time (for that), cadet! We have an urgent mission in the Zembroid counstol? C-c-cancel? Calcul? Cornsep... whatever, it's that way. :'''Jason''': Okay, but could you wait? :'''Zidgel''': Dr. Fidgel, galeezle him. :''[Fidgel fires the galeezle and pulls Jason into the ship]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Zigel''': ''[showing a presentation of his baby pictures on the big screen]'' As you can see from these photos, I was strikingly handsome even as an infant. Now here's one with me on my mommy's lap. Oh, here I am looking adorable! And, ooh, there's my old high chair! :'''Jason''': Uh, captain, the mission? :'''Fidgel''': We are headed for Space Colony Doublewide. It's interstellar cyclonic doom funnel season there. And our cargo is their supply of emergency duct tape. :'''Jason''': Emergency duct tape? :'''Fidgel''': Yes, it's for lashing space colony modules together. Otherwise, they slip their moorings, and those fragile trailers bash each other in the high winds, until they're splintered into smithereens. If we don't get it there in time, the entire population is done for! <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': ''[checks the fuel gauge, noticing the ship's fuel is nearly empty]'' Empty. We're running on fumes. You told me you prepared everything for the mission! :'''Zidgel''': Of course! And here it is! Styling gel, mousse, conditioner. :'''Midgel''': But what about gas? You said you got gas. :'''Zidgel''': And I did! But I'm feeling much better now, thank you. :'''Midgel''': ''[snapping irately]'' I meant rocket fuel! :'''Zidgel''': Oh. :'''Jason''': Uh, guys, wouldn't it be a good idea to get some more fuel quick before we ''totally'' run out? <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': ''[after the Rockhopper arrives at the gas station that is two cents cheaper as it completely runs out of fuel]'' Whew. Down to the last drop. ''[looks back at the crew, all frightened]'' What? I told you we were gonna run out of gas. <hr width="50%"> :'''Kevin''': Uh, they were out of Chewy Chunky Glob of Fudge, so I got you an Icky Gooey Slab of Slop (instead). :'''Zidgel''': ''[disappointed]'' It's not the same. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[when Kevin pulls out a spherical robot from the paper bag]'' What's that? :'''Kevin''': Not sure, really, I got it free with my Prune Trifle burrito. :'''Jason''': ''[reading the name]'' "B-I-N-G, Beneficial Imprinting Neuralnet Gizmo." :'''Kevin''': B.I.N.G. :'''Jason''': Look, here's the button to start it. ''[presses a button on the back and a flashbulb pops out, flashing Kevin as he covers his eyes]'' Hey, you guys, check this out. :'''Fidgel''': Most interesting. I believe that B.I.N.G. has somehow imprinted on Kevin's behavior, like a newborn duckling does with the first creature it sees. <hr width="50%"> :'''Zidgel''': Looks like Kevin's got himself a new best friend. :'''Midgel''': Nothing like a best friend, I always say. I got three back home. How about you, Jason? :'''Jason''': ''[as B.I.N.G. sets him down]'' Uh, yeah, at least, I think I still do. <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rockhopper pulls up beside Professor Wordsworth's trailer and he boards before the doom funnel nearly sucks it up]'' :'''Midgel''': I can't control the ship much longer! :'''Professor Wordsworth''': But we can't just leave! This is my home! What about my research? The colony? Our future survival depends on learning how to defend against the doom funnel! :'''Midgel''': Sorry, Professor, but that thing's nearly got a hold of us. We'll need to fight our way out! <hr width="50%"> :''[After saving the Space Colony Doublewide trailer park from the doom funnel, Kevin has no choice but to give B.I.N.G. to Professor Wordsworth]'' :'''Fidgel''': ''[amazed after B.I.N.G. imprints the professor's behavior]'' Fascinating! Now B.I.N.G. is imprinted on the professor. :'''Professor Wordsworth''': This is most kind of you, Kevin. We shall forever remember your act of goodness. Now then, B.I.N.G., shall we see what we can do to spruce things up a bit before everyone returns? :'''Kevin''': Goodbye, B.I.N.G. I won't forget you. :'''Zidgel''': Did I miss something? Seems to me we're down one robot in the deal. :'''Jason''': Kevin just realized that it was wrong to keep B.I.N.G. to himself when he had a chance to do good for the professor and the whole colony. "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act." <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[writing a letter to Trevor in return; voice-over] And just today, I found this really excellent mouse named Preston. Well, guess that's about it. Glad you're having a great summer, too. As someone I know once said, "Ain't nothing like a best friend." Oh, (and) in case you're a little homesick, here's something to help cheer you up. Maybe next year, we can try to break our record on that coaster. Signed, your best bud, Jason.'' :''[Later that night… Jason and Michelle are saying their prayers before going to bed]'' :'''Grandmum''': Nighty-night, cupcakes. Time to say your prayers. :'''Jason & Michelle''': Dear God… :'''Michelle''': Please bless Grandmum and keep my Mommy and Daddy safe on their trip. :'''Jason''': And thank you for teaching me the importance of doing good things for people whenever I have the chance. And please watch over Preston. He's a really great mouse. :'''Michelle''': Even if he did eat the bridal bouquet. :'''Jason & Michelle''': Amen. ===''Moon Menace on Planet Tell-a-Lie!''=== :'''Grandmum''': Like the Good Book says, "Lies will get any man into trouble, but honesty is its own defense." ==Season 2 (2007-2008)== ===''I Scream, You Scream!''=== :'''Sol''': Like the Good Book says, "Those who have knowledge use words with restraint, and those who are understanding are even tempered." Now that means the more you know, the less you get angry. And that's good. Anger just makes you lose control and he end up accusing others wrongly. :'''Jason''': He talks like Grandmum. <hr width="50%"> :'''Admiral Strap''': ''[on speaker] Penguins! Come in, penguins!'' :'''Zidgel''': Admiral Strap, sir! ''[salutes]'' :'''Michelle''': Uh, who's that? :'''Fidgel''': That's Admiral Strap. Our commander at Federation HQ. <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rockhopper arrives at Grandmum's cottage in the attic, preparing to send Jason and Michelle back]'' :'''Zigel''': Well, until next time, cadets! :'''Midgel''': G'bye, mates! :'''Jason & Michelle''': Goodbye! :''[As Fidgel fires the galeezle, the claw pops out and falls on the floor, covered in gum]'' :'''Michelle''': Oh, no, what happened? :'''Jason''': What happened?! Can't you see? The thing's broken! :'''Michelle''': How? :'''Fidgel''': ''[examines the gum]'' Hmm… Corn syrup, soy lecithin, and titanium dioxide, if I'm not very much mistaken. A construct otherwise known as… :'''Jason''': Hubby chubby bubble gum! Oh, no! ''[angrily points to Michelle]'' It was ''you!'' You must have spit it out when the galeezle pulled us in! :'''Michelle''': I wasn't the only one with hubby chubby! You were chewing it too! :'''Jason''': I swallowed mine! :'''Michelle''': Well, I didn't do it! You must have done it! :'''Jason''': I didn't do it! ''You'' did! :'''Michelle''': No, ''you'' did! :'''Zidgel''': Ah, ah! Temper, temper. Here we go, accusing each other again! Remember what old Sol told us: not smart without all the facts. :'''Jason''': Well, the fact ''is'' we aren't going to be able to get back to Grandmum's and it's all Michelle's fault! :'''Michelle''': Can you fix it, Fidgel? :'''Fidgel''': Well, um…it's not…Well, I can try. :'''Jason''': "Try?!" Oh, no! We're going to stay this size? I'm only as big as my little finger! :'''Michelle''': Can you make it work again? :'''Fidgel''': ''[pulls out a small, burned out device covered in gum]'' This is what makes it work. The metric magnetic matter disperser. The only one in existence as far as I know! Without this, the galeezle is useless! I fear the bubble gum has burnt it out. <hr width="50%"> :'''Fidgel''': Jason, Michelle, would you like a sandwich? :'''Jason''': ''[disappointed about not getting back to Grandmum's cottage]'' No. I just want Grandmum's cocoa. :'''Michelle''': I thought you weren't talking to me. :'''Jason''': I ''wasn't'' talking to you, you galeezle breaker! :'''Michelle''': I didn't break it. ''You'' did! Your gum must've come out when you were screaming like a baby. :'''Jason''': ''[infuriated]'' Screaming like a baby?! :'''Michelle''': Yes, you always scream like a baby when galeezled into the ship! :'''Zidgel''': ''[enters the main room after taking a shower with his hair all droopy; angrily accusing Kevin]'' KEVIN! YOU'VE BEEN INTO MY SHAMPOO AGAIN! :'''Midgel''': Calm down, captain. :'''Zidgel''': Calm down? Calm down?! ''[to Kevin]'' Listen to me! "Ridiculous proportions shampoo" is shampoo! Do you hear me? ''Shampoo!'' But you always use it as a body wash! A ''body wash!'' Do you know how much ''body'' you have to wash?! :''[Kevin reacts with confusion]'' :'''Midgel''': Now, wait just a minute, captain. Didn't you say earlier that we shouldn't be too quick to accuse each other? ''[gasps in shock when he sees his Boomerangutan poster on the table; accusing Fidgel in outrage]'' Doc! Doc! What have you done to my poster?! :'''Fidgel''': I-I just needed something to protect the table. :'''Midgel''': ''[frustrated]'' Do you know how much this is worth?! It was from the last tour of the Boomerangutans! :'''Fidgel''': ''[retorting]'' Well, if you wouldn't leave your quarters in such a mess, how am I to know what's rare and what's rubbish? :''[Jason and Michelle cover their ears, trying to block out the arguing]'' :'''Jason''': Nice going, Michelle! :'''Michelle''': What?! Now you're blaming ''me'' for this?! :'''Jason''': We wouldn't even be here if you hadn't broken the galeezle! ===''The Green-eyed Monster''=== ===''Lazy Daze''=== :''[The Rockhopper pulls up at the Comet Lounge]'' :'''Zidgel''': Captain's blog, we're going on a picnic. :'''Michelle''': So, what are we doing here? :'''Midgel''': Had to stop off for some supplies, first. Soda pop, sandwiches, you know. :'''Fidgel''': ''[as they enter]'' Don't forget the chocolate bars and marshmallows! :'''Jason''': Oh, great! I love eating s'mores! :'''Fidgel''': Eating? Oh, no, I need them for a new fuel experiment. :'''Midgel''': Now don't take all day with your science project stuff, Doctor. We're here to get in, get supplies, and get out. No nonsense. :'''Fidgel''': I assure you, my experiments are not nonsense. :'''Midgel''': What about the time you tried to make glass invisible so you can see through it? :'''Fidgel''': Well, it worked, didn't it? <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': What's wrong with being lazy? :'''Sol''': Well, just think, if I didn't work around here, nobody would get served, dirty dishes would pile up. Pretty soon the whole place would stink! :'''Michelle''': Like Jason's room! :'''Sol''': ''[chuckles]'' Old Sol says, "The lazy person wants many things, but has nothing. But the person who is diligent and hardworking, truly has it all." You want to be diligent, right, kids? :'''Jason''': Actually, the picnic sounds more fun. :'''Sol''': ''[laughs]'' I'm sure it does. You just keep an eye on those ants, you hear? :'''Jason''': We will. Is it just me, or is he weird? <hr width="50%"> :'''Fidgel''': ''[opens the storage bay, but it's all piled up with junk]'' Oh, dear me. :'''Midgel''': What's got your knickers in a knot, doc? :'''Fidgel''': Well, I'm scheduled to run a diagnostic test on the Harryhausen ray, but it's in the back of this storage bay, and I can't get to it. :'''Midgel''': Harryhausen ray? What's that? :'''Fidgel''': Oh, it's simply a device that halts movement on a molecular level. :'''Midgel''': ''[not understanding]'' In the Queen's English, Fidge. :'''Fidgel''': Yes. It stops action, freezes things in time and space. :'''Midgel''': Classic. But it looks like you could use some help. :'''Fidgel''': Oh, why thank you. :'''Midgel''': If I see anyone available, I'll send 'em round. :'''Fidgel''': ''[enters Jason's room, finding him laying lazily on his bed]'' Hello, Jason. I hear you're looking to earn some extra money for sea chimps? :'''Jason''': Yeah! :'''Fidgel''': Well, the storage bay is in a bit of a mess. What say I hire you to clean it? :'''Jason''': Hire? You mean like a job? I'm kinda busy. Maybe later. Uh, doc? Turn the page for me. I can't reach. ===''More Is More''=== ===''Give and Let Give''=== :'''Jason''': ''[enters Michelle's room while following the smelling scent and spots a cupcake on the table, tries to eat it, but Michelle swipes it from him]'' Let me have a cupcake. I'll tell Grandmum you've learned your lesson when we get back. :'''Michelle''': No. ''I'' made them, I say who gets one. :'''Jason''': (Oh, I get it.) You won't give me one because you're still mad about play-ser tag. :'''Michelle''': Yeah, it was no fair. I was sick of being it. :'''Jason''': At least I shared with you. :'''Michelle''': You gave me the broken one. :'''Jason''': This one? It's a new invention. Fidgel even said it didn't work right. ''[turns on the device and a straight and spiral beam fires and goes around the room until it reaches him]'' :'''Michelle''': No thanks, that thing is a play-ser tag magnet. Wherever I hid in the room, that beam would find me. I was it the whole time! :'''Jason''': Fine, but it's not ''my'' fault it doesn't work. Keep your stale old cupcakes. ''[leaves the room in a huff]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': ''[as Kevin sticks his head in the sand]'' What do you think you're doing? :'''Kevin''': Looking for water. <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': Fidge, give me your spectrometer. :'''Fidgel''': What for? :'''Midgel''': I wanna try something. :'''Fidget''': No, you'll break it. :'''Midgel''': What? :'''Michelle''': Can't he borrow it for a moment? He might be able to get us free. :'''Fidgel''': No, he's ''never'' careful with my things. It's a delicate device. :'''Michelle''': But, doctor, what about Sol's cookie? What about sharing? :'''Fidgel''': Well, what do you want it for, anyway? :'''Midgel''': I need to get back to the ship to get a fix on the pump, so you can find it, override the signal, and turn it back on. :'''Michelle''': Please? This is no time to be stingy. :'''Fidgel''': ''[reluctantly]'' Don't get any sand in it. :'''Midgel''': Thank you. I'll head to the ship. You look around here, keep your communicator on. <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': Fidgel, come in! Do you read me? :'''Fidgel''': Well, it's about time. They've got the captain trussed up like a Christmas package. :'''Midgel''': That's not good, I mean, unless it actually was Christmas. ===''Practical Hoax''=== :'''Zidgel''': You're getting the seat wet, Michelle. :'''Michelle''': You can thank Jason (for that). :'''Zidgel''': Oh, thank you, Jason. ===''Comedy of Errors''=== ===''Compassion Crashin'''=== ===''Wiki Tiki''=== :'''Grandmum''': Michelle, is this the way I've taught you to rinse the dishes? :'''Michelle''': ''[sees the sink overflowing; alarmed]'' Oh, no! ''[quickly turns it off and places a towel on the wet floor]'' :'''Grandmum''': And, Jason, you didn't replace the plastic liner in this trash can. :'''Jason''': Sorry, Grandmum, I'll go get it right now. :'''Michelle''': I guess I was in too big a hurry. I'm sorry. :'''Grandmum''': Remember what the Good Book says, "Enthusiasm without knowledge is ''no'' good. Haste makes mistakes." :'''Jason''': Is that a real proverb? :'''Grandmum''': It jolly well is. Take the time to listen and do it right the first time. :'''Jason''': Like the trash liner. I'm on it. :'''Grandmum''': You'll just make a mess if you rush. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': Now where's that spaceship? It was right here! :'''Michelle''': Jason, you heard Grandmum. We got to put the clean sheets on our beds. :'''Jason''': I did. :'''Michelle''': ''[sternly]'' Jason. :'''Jason''': It's fine. I'll make the bed later. ''[Midgel galeezles both him and Michelle into the Rockhopper]'' Whoa, definitely later. :'''Michelle''': Hey, thanks, Midgel. Where is everybody? :'''Midgel''': Sorry, Michelle, no time for chit chat, we got to get going. ''[The kids are strapped to their seats and buckle up]'' The others are at the Comet Lounge making sure Sol doesn't run out of the afternoon special. :'''Jason and Michelle''': Sol's Aurora Borealis fruit punch! :'''Jason''': What are we waiting for?! :'''Jason, Michelle, and Midgel''': BONSAI! <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rockhopper arrives at the Comet Lounge and Jason, Michelle, and Midgel enter where the rest of the crew are already there]'' :'''Midgel''': Where's the Aurora Borealis punch? :'''Fidgel''': Sol hasn't lit the sign, yet. :'''Midgel''': Whew. I'd hate to miss the Aurora Borealis. Best fruit punch in the galaxy. :'''Fidgel''': Hey, I was in line first. :'''Zidgel''': Captains first, then everyone else. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': You were right, Michelle. We didn't take our time and we made mistakes. :'''Michelle''': Captain Zidgel? Jason and I have realized something. :'''Zidgel''': Can't stop it. Tried everything. :'''Jason''': Captain, we ''have'' tried everything, except listening. :'''Zidgel''': Listening? What do you mean? :'''Michelle''': Grandmum told us, enthusiasm without knowledge is no good. :'''Jason''': And haste makes mistakes. :'''Zidgel''': Translated, means…is this a tongue twister? :'''Fidgel''': Wait, I think I know. Rushing to do things in your own enthusiasm instead of taking time to understand and think causes problems. :'''Midgel''': Cuz you'll just make a mess if you hurry. :'''Kevin''': Yeah, big mess. :'''Jason''': Right, we've been in such a hurry to get back to the Comet Lounge for Sol's aurora borealis fruit punch-- :'''Michelle''': That we've been running with the first ideas that popped into our heads. Nobody listened to the tiki king. ===''Invasion of the Body Swappers!''=== :'''Midgel''': Hey, Mish, everything all right? :'''Michelle''': Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Midgel, do you, do you think I'm pretty? :'''Midgel''': What? ''[nervously laughs]'' Well, to tell you the truth, Michelle, I really don't know much about that sort of thing. To me, the prettiest thing in the world is the Rockhopper. She's a beaut, she is. :'''Fidgel''': ''[tweaking the galeezle as Michelle enters the main room]'' Oh, hello, dear. I've been tweaking the galeezle device. Would you like to help me? :'''Michelle''': Fidgel, do you think I'm pretty? :'''Fidgel''': Pretty? Uh, well, pretty is as pretty does, as my mom always used to say. ''[pulls out a photo of his mother]'' Ah, Mum was the prettiest woman in the world. ===''Git Along Little Doggies!''=== ===''Wise Guys''=== :'''Grandmum''': The Good Book says, "Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end, you will be wise." :'''Michelle''': You? Wise? Not likely. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[as his sister, Midgel, Fidgel, and Kevin all glare annoyingly at him]'' No, that was not my fault. It was the lousy time machine. It didn't even work! :'''Michelle''': Or maybe you didn't listen to any advice! :''[They hear the sounds of laughing and coughing and see two elderly penguins sitting in rocking chairs, but it turns out, they're the future versions of Midgel and Fidgel]'' :'''Future Midgel''': Looks like they didn't get the transmission. :'''Future Fidgel''': And I dare say Jason ignored our warnings about the time machine. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': This is fantastic! :'''Midgel''': Exactly how is this fantastic, Jason? :'''Jason''': ''[to Fidgel]'' Your time machine worked! We're in the future! This is the neatest thing ever! :'''Fidgel''': Not to dampen your enthusiasm, young man, but our situation is, in fact, quite dire. :'''Jason''': What do you mean? :'''Midgel''': Our ship's destroyed, who knows how much the time machine's been damaged? Jason, face the facts. :'''Future Midgel''': The odds are, you and your sister are stuck here with us, '''''forever.''''' :'''Jason''': ''[horrified] '''NO!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"> :'''Michelle''': Kevin's getting '''''younger!''''' ===''Hogs and Kisses''=== :''[The Lizard King finds Jason in the back of his truck when he tries to run away]'' :'''Lizard King''': Great Bullamanka! A human ice pop! What are you doin' in there? :'''Jason''': ''[shivering from the cold]'' R-r-running away? :'''Lizard King''': Not on board my ship, you don't. No stowaways. I got a firm rule against such things. ''[pulls him out of the cargo hold; recognizing him]'' Wait a minute, I know you! You're the mate aboard the Rockhopper, under Captain Zidgel. :'''Jason''': P-p-please. You gotta let me stay. I-I can't go back there. :'''Lizard King''': Why not? :'''Jason''': They say things that hurt my feelings... supposed to be helpful. :'''Lizard King''': Oh, it's like that, is it? Always telling you what to do, eh? Giving you orders, do this, do that. Making you feel bad by saying things you don't wanna hear, eh mate? :'''Jason''': Yeah! :'''Lizard King''': Ha! Get over it! You're a shipmate. Taking orders is what you do. Whatever they're telling you is probably for your own good. ==Season 3 (2008)== ===''12 Angry Hens''=== ===''Kennel Club Blues''=== ===''Oh, Mercy!''=== ===''Promises, Promises, Promises''=== ===''Do Unto Brothers''=== ===''Between an Asteroid and a Hard Place''=== ===''In the Big House''=== == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's animated space adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American preschool education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:TV shows about penguins]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Qubo shows]] ic8jv08s7ochadj0pr0u23p8wtqhzyn 3949187 3949182 2026-06-05T13:32:07Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949187 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:3-2-1 Penguins!|3-2-1 Penguins!]]''''' (2000-2003, 2006-2008) is an American [[sci-fi]]/fantasy/adventure/comedy/space opera 3D CGI animated Christian preschool educational series that follows the two 5-year old twin siblings, Jason T. Conrad, and his little twin sister, Michelle Frances Conrad, who are spending the summer with their grandmother at their grandparent's cottage in the The Poconos region of Pennsylvania. They're also pulled into a rocket ship of a troop of four penguins as they're taken on a galactic adventure. The show was aimed at preschoolers, and kindergarteners, and from ages 3 to 6, but had scenes, for adults, from ages 18 to 21, which were very terrifying, and scary, including strongest violence. ==Season 1 (2000-2003)== ===''Trouble on Planet Wait-Your-Turn''=== :''[First lines; The Conrad family are driving in the Poconos region of Pennsylvania to drop off their kids, Jason and Michelle, at Grandmum's cottage for the summer]'' :'''Jason''': ''[as Michelle's doll's shoe hits him on the side of his head on purpose; getting very angry]'' Mommy!!! she did that again!!! :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Michelle, come on, we're almost there. Apologize to your big brother. :'''Michelle''': I'm sorry, Jason. :'''Mrs. Conrad''': I hope you two don't act this way while you're at Grandmum's. :'''Michelle''': ''[excited]'' Yay, Grandmum's cottage! :'''Jason''': Yay, Grandmum's cottage. You know, Trevor's at Space Camp right now. :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Jason, you'll get to go to Space Camp after Grandmum's cottage. You're just going to need to be patient. :'''Michelle''': I just love Grandmum's cottage! Are we almost there? :'''Mr. Conrad''': You should know where we are, cupcake, unless you aren't wearing your glasses again. ''[the car pulls up in front of the cottage]'' Hey, hey, hey! We're here! :'''Grandmum''': ''[walks out of the door and to the car; excitedly]'' Hello, sweeties! How's my two favorite twin pumpkins? :'''Michelle''': ''[in unison]'' Hi, Grandma. :'''Jason''': ''[in unison]'' Hi, Grandma. :'''Grandmum''': Oh, that's ''Grandmum'' to you, you little bugs! :'''Mr. Conrad''': Oh, you kids are gonna like it here. Your grandpa finished this place when I was about your age. :'''Grandmum''': That's right. Built the whole place himself, he did. Quite a man, your grandpop. ''[gets a hug from Michelle]'' Oh! Goodness, now, which one are you, then? :'''Michelle''': We're not identical twins, Grandmum. :'''Jason''': Thank goodness. :'''Michelle''': Just remember, I'm the sweetest one. :'''Jason''': And I'm the one who's supposed to be at Space Camp. ''[gets out of the car]'' :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Okay, that's everything. I'm afraid we have to run or we'll miss our flight. :'''Mr. Conrad''': Thanks for watching the kids, Mom. Jason and Michelle, we'll call you when we get there. :'''Grandmum''': Have a good trip. And don't you worry about these two, they'll be just fine here. No better place for kids, you know. :'''Mr. Conrad''': That's right. :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Bye-bye, sweethearts, we love you! Be good for your grandmum. :'''Mr. Conrad''': And have fun! :'''Grandmum''': Come on, pumpkins! You can give me a hand with supper. :'''Michelle''': Goodbye! :'''Mr. & Mrs. Conrad''': Bye. :'''Jason''': Bye. :''[The car starts pulling away but comes back after a few seconds]'' :'''Mr. Conrad''': Jason, your mom and I know you'd rather be at Space Camp right now, so we got you and Michelle something that might make the time go faster. Now, be sure you take turns with your sister. We'll call you for tonight, bud. <hr width="50%"> :''[While Jason plays with the Rockhopper and Michelle looks through a telescope in the attic, the ship magically comes to life and Jason meets the penguin troops for the first time]'' :'''Zidgel''': Jason T. Conrad. We need your help! :'''Jason''': You're, you're alive! :'''Midgel''': Of course we are, kid. It's much easier to do our jobs that way. :'''Zidgel''': Get in here, Jason. The galaxy waits for no man! :'''Jason''': What? I can't. I'm too big. :'''Zidgel''': Ah, too big, too big. When I was your size, I was ''twice'' your size. ''[to Fidgel]'' Dr. Fidgel, galeezle him. :'''Fidgel''': Yes, right away. ''[fires the galeezle and a big claw comes out of the ship, grabbing Jason]'' :'''Jason''': Hey! ''[gets reeled into the ship]'' I… I… I can't believe you guys are alive. :'''Zidgel''': Of course we are. :'''Midgel''': Either that or you're daydreaming. :'''Fidgel''': That's true. Sensors indicate that he ''could'' be daydreaming. :'''Midgel''': But no time for small talk now, we've got work to do. :'''Jason''': What about my sister? Is she coming? :'''Zidgel''': Don't worry, she'll get her chance. But right now, ''you're'' the one that we need. <hr width="50%"> :'''Zigel''': Okay, boys, I think it's time we briefed our new cadet. Now, listen up. I am Captain Zidgel. This is my ship. Over here, we have Dr. Fidgel. :'''Fidgel''': How do you do? :'''Zidgel''': This is the ship's pilot and engineer, First Officer Midgel. And, um, ''[clears throat]'' that's, uh, Kevin. :'''Kevin''': ''[vacuuming]'' Pleasure. :'''Jason''': What does he do? :''[Kevin gets his head sucked into the hose]'' :'''Zidgel''': Mostly, he just does that. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': Penguins, we have to get out of here! The cutting-in-line bug is infecting us too! :'''Midgel''': Nonsense! But if it is, it infected me first. :'''Fidgel''': No, I was first. :'''Kevin''': Me! Me! :'''Zidgel''': You're all being ridiculous! I wanted to cut in front of you hours ago. :'''Jason''': People! Don't you understand what happens when you get too close to the sun?! You'll '''''burn up!''''' <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': We're all gonna die if we keep this up! :'''Midgel''': He could be right! :'''Zidgel''': Or it could be a clever scam so that he could go first! :'''Jason''': Wait! Listen to me! We need to learn to wait our turns. To let someone else go first now and then. It's called patience. It's a virtue. :'''Zidgel''': I couldn't agree more! That's why you should wait your turn! :'''Jason''': No, no. Oh, what was that verse? Um, "A patient man has great understanding, but a quick tempered man displays folly." :'''Vacuum Cleaner''': ''[confused]'' What's folly? :'''Jason''': Foolishness. Trouble. Having to go first all the time only leads to trouble, like getting burned up by the sun! Now, the consequences are not always so extreme, but good things come to those who wait. :'''Zidgel''': So, what do we do? :'''Jason''': ''[gets an idea; politely]'' After you. ===''The Cheating Scales of Bullamanka''=== :'''Grandmum''': ''[teaching Michelle the importance of cheating]'' You know what the Good Book says about cheating, don't you? "The Lord hates cheating scales, but accurate weights are his delight." <hr width="50%"> :''[Michelle meets the penguin troops for the first time as the Rockhopper comes to life]'' :'''Zidgel''': Michelle Francis Conrad. :'''Michelle''': ''[calling for Jason, thinking it's for him]'' Uh, Jason? It's for you. :'''Zidgel''': Not so fast! ''You're'' the one we need, this time. :'''Michelle''': Jason's right. You guys ''are'' alive. :'''Midgel''': Either that or you're daydreaming. :'''Kevin''': Whoa, déjà vu. :'''Zidgel''': Dr. Fidgel, galeezle her. :'''Fidgel''': Right away, captain. :'''Midgel''': Hang on. :''[Fidgel fires the galeezle and the claw pops out of the ship, grabbing Michelle]'' :'''Michelle''': Wait! :'''Fidgel''': ''[reels her in aboard the ship]'' Amazing, an exact duplicate of your brother, only with pigtails! :'''Michelle''': We're, we're not identical twins, we're just the same age. ===''The Amazing Carnival of Complaining''=== :'''Michelle''': What's the matter, Jason? Are you bored? ''[Jason growls in annoyance]'' Too bad the video game's busted, huh? :'''Jason''': As a matter of fact, it is too bad, because I'm bored out of my brain! There's absolutely ''nothing'' to do up here! Why can't I be having fun at Space Camp like Trevor instead of eating weird grapes and thumb wrestling myself because the only other possible thing to do is plant pumpkins or stare at the wall?! Oh, that gives me an idea, I think I'll ''stare'' at the wall! :'''Michelle''': Touché. :'''Grandmum''': Heavens above! That's no way to look at things, is it? You do know what it says about complaining in the Bible, don't you? "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure. Children of God without fault in this crooked world in which you shine like stars in the universe." You know, Jason, if you can't control your complaining, it'll spread to everyone around you, and you'll be a seed of discontent. So, which will it be, a grumpy seed, or a shining star? We will be outside if you change your mind. Come along, Michelle. ''[she and her granddaughter head outside the garden]'' :'''Jason''': Why would anyone want grapes with seeds? ===''Runaway Pride at Lightstation Kilowatt''=== ===''The Doom Funnel Rescue!''=== :''[A mail truck drops off some mail at Grandmum's cottage and drives away]'' :'''Jason & Michelle''': ''[run out the front door]'' Mail! :'''Jason''': Race ya. :'''Michelle''': Well… okay! ''[runs to the mailbox]'' :'''Jason''': Hey, no fair! Michelle, come on! :'''Michelle''': ''[opens the mailbox]'' What's the matter? It's just the mail. :'''Jason''': Come on, I'm desperate! If I don't hear something from the outside world soon, I'm gonna crack! :'''Michelle''': Well…let's just see what the postman's brought. Could this be for you? Oh, no, I guess not. But ooh! Here's an exciting opportunity to refund your home at today's low rate. :'''Jason''': Michelle… :'''Michelle''': You know, it's never too early to start planning for your retirement. :'''Jason''': That does it. Prepare to--rarrr! ''[starts chasing her around]'' :'''Michelle''': Hey, Jason! :'''Jason''': Come on, hand it over! :'''Michelle''': Cut it out! :'''Jason''': It's no use resisting. :'''Grandmum''': Goodness, muffins, what's all this? :'''Jason''': Michelle won't let me see the mail. :'''Grandmum''': Now, now, Michelle, what is it the Good Book says? Oh, yes! "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act." I suppose that goes for the mail as well. :'''Michelle''': I was gonna give it to him eventually. :'''Grandmum''': Let's see, bills, bills, some lovely coupons, a card for Michelle, oh! And here's a nice letter for Jason. :'''Jason''': For me? Hey, it's from Trevor! ''[takes out a photo of Trevor on the anti-gravity simulator]'' Look, here's a picture of him on the anti-gravity simulator. :'''Michelle''': Personally, I never understood why a bunch of kids would wait in line just to get nauseous. :'''Grandmum''': Well, come along, bugs. We'll all read our mail over some delicious prune trifle. :'''Jason''': Yeah, here we can get nauseous without the weight. <hr width="50%"> :''[Jason lays on the couch reading Trevor's letter to him]'' :'''Trevor''': ''[voice-over] And being weightless was very neat. Friday, we learned all about space storms. Rocket science is a real blast. Get it? Ha, ha. Hey, remember that day we went to Astroland and rode on the Twister 28 times in a row? Nobody can take centrifugal force like you and me, right? I really wish you were here. Stuff's always more fun when you're around. Well, I gotta go meet John Glenn. Write soon, and tell me all the exciting things you've been doing. Your pal, Trevor.'' :'''Michelle''': Grandmum, the sink's leaking again! :'''Grandmum''': Well, we'll fix it up in a jiffy. Just need to find my supply of duct tape. ''[enters the living room, holding a roll of duct tape]'' Nice of Trevor to write you, wasn't it? I'm sure he misses you a lot. :'''Jason''': Yeah, I can tell. :'''Grandmum''': You should write him back right away. I'll bet he'd love hearing from you. You can tell him all about what you've been doing. :'''Michelle''': ''[coming down the stairs]'' Good idea! There was that one paperclip chain you made, and helping Grandmum put on her hair net, and that awful morning we, uh, ran out of toast. :'''Grandmum''': Woah, don't like to think about that too much. :'''Jason''': ''[sits up and gets off the couch]'' Well, I'm sure Trevor is having too much fun to bother reading any letter from me. :'''Grandmum''': You know, love, he might be a little homesick. Hearing from you could be just what the doctor ordered. :'''Jason''': Yeah, I think I'll just go upstairs. :'''Grandmum''': I'm sure you'll do the right thing, dear. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[holding up the Rockhopper with Preston in it]'' All systems are go for Captain Preston of the Space Mouse Patrol! As the mighty ship prepares to launch! Three, two… ''[Preston jumps out of the ship]'' Preston! ''[tries to catch him, but trips and falls on the floor]'' :''[Preston lands on top of the ship as it soars to life]'' :'''Zidgel''': 40 foot rodent! ''[Midgel presses a button, opening the dome and catapulting Preston off the ship; calling out to Jason while he tries to look for Preston]'' Cadet Jason T. Conrad, report for duty immediately! :'''Jason''': Huh? Oh, sure. Just give me a minute. I gotta find Preston. :'''Zidgel''': No time (for that), cadet! We have an urgent mission in the Zembroid counstol? C-c-cancel? Calcul? Cornsep... whatever, it's that way. :'''Jason''': Okay, but could you wait? :'''Zidgel''': Dr. Fidgel, galeezle him. :''[Fidgel fires the galeezle and pulls Jason into the ship]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Zigel''': ''[showing a presentation of his baby pictures on the big screen]'' As you can see from these photos, I was strikingly handsome even as an infant. Now here's one with me on my mommy's lap. Oh, here I am looking adorable! And, ooh, there's my old high chair! :'''Jason''': Uh, captain, the mission? :'''Fidgel''': We are headed for Space Colony Doublewide. It's interstellar cyclonic doom funnel season there. And our cargo is their supply of emergency duct tape. :'''Jason''': Emergency duct tape? :'''Fidgel''': Yes, it's for lashing space colony modules together. Otherwise, they slip their moorings, and those fragile trailers bash each other in the high winds, until they're splintered into smithereens. If we don't get it there in time, the entire population is done for! <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': ''[checks the fuel gauge, noticing the ship's fuel is nearly empty]'' Empty. We're running on fumes. You told me you prepared everything for the mission! :'''Zidgel''': Of course! And here it is! Styling gel, mousse, conditioner. :'''Midgel''': But what about gas? You said you got gas. :'''Zidgel''': And I did! But I'm feeling much better now, thank you. :'''Midgel''': ''[snapping irately]'' I meant rocket fuel! :'''Zidgel''': Oh. :'''Jason''': Uh, guys, wouldn't it be a good idea to get some more fuel quick before we ''totally'' run out? <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': ''[after the Rockhopper arrives at the gas station that is two cents cheaper as it completely runs out of fuel]'' Whew. Down to the last drop. ''[looks back at the crew, all frightened]'' What? I told you we were gonna run out of gas. <hr width="50%"> :'''Kevin''': Uh, they were out of Chewy Chunky Glob of Fudge, so I got you an Icky Gooey Slab of Slop (instead). :'''Zidgel''': ''[disappointed]'' It's not the same. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[when Kevin pulls out a spherical robot from the paper bag]'' What's that? :'''Kevin''': Not sure, really, I got it free with my Prune Trifle burrito. :'''Jason''': ''[reading the name]'' "B-I-N-G, Beneficial Imprinting Neuralnet Gizmo." :'''Kevin''': B.I.N.G. :'''Jason''': Look, here's the button to start it. ''[presses a button on the back and a flashbulb pops out, flashing Kevin as he covers his eyes]'' Hey, you guys, check this out. :'''Fidgel''': Most interesting. I believe that B.I.N.G. has somehow imprinted on Kevin's behavior, like a newborn duckling does with the first creature it sees. <hr width="50%"> :'''Zidgel''': Looks like Kevin's got himself a new best friend. :'''Midgel''': Nothing like a best friend, I always say. I got three back home. How about you, Jason? :'''Jason''': ''[as B.I.N.G. sets him down]'' Uh, yeah, at least, I think I still do. <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rockhopper pulls up beside Professor Wordsworth's trailer and he boards before the doom funnel nearly sucks it up]'' :'''Midgel''': I can't control the ship much longer! :'''Professor Wordsworth''': But we can't just leave! This is my home! What about my research? The colony? Our future survival depends on learning how to defend against the doom funnel! :'''Midgel''': Sorry, Professor, but that thing's nearly got a hold of us. We'll need to fight our way out! <hr width="50%"> :''[After saving the Space Colony Doublewide trailer park from the doom funnel, Kevin has no choice but to give B.I.N.G. to Professor Wordsworth]'' :'''Fidgel''': ''[amazed after B.I.N.G. imprints the professor's behavior]'' Fascinating! Now B.I.N.G. is imprinted on the professor. :'''Professor Wordsworth''': This is most kind of you, Kevin. We shall forever remember your act of goodness. Now then, B.I.N.G., shall we see what we can do to spruce things up a bit before everyone returns? :'''Kevin''': Goodbye, B.I.N.G. I won't forget you. :'''Zidgel''': Did I miss something? Seems to me we're down one robot in the deal. :'''Jason''': Kevin just realized that it was wrong to keep B.I.N.G. to himself when he had a chance to do good for the professor and the whole colony. "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act." <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[writing a letter to Trevor in return; voice-over] And just today, I found this really excellent mouse named Preston. Well, guess that's about it. Glad you're having a great summer, too. As someone I know once said, "Ain't nothing like a best friend." Oh, (and) in case you're a little homesick, here's something to help cheer you up. Maybe next year, we can try to break our record on that coaster. Signed, your best bud, Jason.'' :''[Later that night… Jason and Michelle are saying their prayers before going to bed]'' :'''Grandmum''': Nighty-night, cupcakes. Time to say your prayers. :'''Jason & Michelle''': Dear God… :'''Michelle''': Please bless Grandmum and keep my Mommy and Daddy safe on their trip. :'''Jason''': And thank you for teaching me the importance of doing good things for people whenever I have the chance. And please watch over Preston. He's a really great mouse. :'''Michelle''': Even if he did eat the bridal bouquet. :'''Jason & Michelle''': Amen. ===''Moon Menace on Planet Tell-a-Lie!''=== :'''Grandmum''': Like the Good Book says, "Lies will get any man into trouble, but honesty is its own defense." ==Season 2 (2007-2008)== ===''I Scream, You Scream!''=== :'''Sol''': Like the Good Book says, "Those who have knowledge use words with restraint, and those who are understanding are even tempered." Now that means the more you know, the less you get angry. And that's good. Anger just makes you lose control and he end up accusing others wrongly. :'''Jason''': He talks like Grandmum. <hr width="50%"> :'''Admiral Strap''': ''[on speaker] Penguins! Come in, penguins!'' :'''Zidgel''': Admiral Strap, sir! ''[salutes]'' :'''Michelle''': Uh, who's that? :'''Fidgel''': That's Admiral Strap. Our commander at Federation HQ. <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rockhopper arrives at Grandmum's cottage in the attic, preparing to send Jason and Michelle back]'' :'''Zigel''': Well, until next time, cadets! :'''Midgel''': G'bye, mates! :'''Jason & Michelle''': Goodbye! :''[As Fidgel fires the galeezle, the claw pops out and falls on the floor, covered in gum]'' :'''Michelle''': Oh, no, what happened? :'''Jason''': What happened?! Can't you see? The thing's broken! :'''Michelle''': How? :'''Fidgel''': ''[examines the gum]'' Hmm… Corn syrup, soy lecithin, and titanium dioxide, if I'm not very much mistaken. A construct otherwise known as… :'''Jason''': Hubby chubby bubble gum! Oh, no! ''[angrily points to Michelle]'' It was ''you!'' You must have spit it out when the galeezle pulled us in! :'''Michelle''': I wasn't the only one with hubby chubby! You were chewing it too! :'''Jason''': I swallowed mine! :'''Michelle''': Well, I didn't do it! You must have done it! :'''Jason''': I didn't do it! ''You'' did! :'''Michelle''': No, ''you'' did! :'''Zidgel''': Ah, ah! Temper, temper. Here we go, accusing each other again! Remember what old Sol told us: not smart without all the facts. :'''Jason''': Well, the fact ''is'' we aren't going to be able to get back to Grandmum's and it's all Michelle's fault! :'''Michelle''': Can you fix it, Fidgel? :'''Fidgel''': Well, um…it's not…Well, I can try. :'''Jason''': "Try?!" Oh, no! We're going to stay this size? I'm only as big as my little finger! :'''Michelle''': Can you make it work again? :'''Fidgel''': ''[pulls out a small, burned out device covered in gum]'' This is what makes it work. The metric magnetic matter disperser. The only one in existence as far as I know! Without this, the galeezle is useless! I fear the bubble gum has burnt it out. <hr width="50%"> :'''Fidgel''': Jason, Michelle, would you like a sandwich? :'''Jason''': ''[disappointed about not getting back to Grandmum's cottage]'' No. I just want Grandmum's cocoa. :'''Michelle''': I thought you weren't talking to me. :'''Jason''': I ''wasn't'' talking to you, you galeezle breaker! :'''Michelle''': I didn't break it. ''You'' did! Your gum must've come out when you were screaming like a baby. :'''Jason''': ''[infuriated]'' Screaming like a baby?! :'''Michelle''': Yes, you always scream like a baby when galeezled into the ship! :'''Zidgel''': ''[enters the main room after taking a shower with his hair all droopy; angrily accusing Kevin]'' KEVIN! YOU'VE BEEN INTO MY SHAMPOO AGAIN! :'''Midgel''': Calm down, captain. :'''Zidgel''': Calm down? Calm down?! ''[to Kevin]'' Listen to me! "Ridiculous proportions shampoo" is shampoo! Do you hear me? ''Shampoo!'' But you always use it as a body wash! A ''body wash!'' Do you know how much ''body'' you have to wash?! :''[Kevin reacts with confusion]'' :'''Midgel''': Now, wait just a minute, captain. Didn't you say earlier that we shouldn't be too quick to accuse each other? ''[gasps in shock when he sees his Boomerangutan poster on the table; accusing Fidgel in outrage]'' Doc! Doc! What have you done to my poster?! :'''Fidgel''': I-I just needed something to protect the table. :'''Midgel''': ''[frustrated]'' Do you know how much this is worth?! It was from the last tour of the Boomerangutans! :'''Fidgel''': ''[retorting]'' Well, if you wouldn't leave your quarters in such a mess, how am I to know what's rare and what's rubbish? :''[Jason and Michelle cover their ears, trying to block out the arguing]'' :'''Jason''': Nice going, Michelle! :'''Michelle''': What?! Now you're blaming ''me'' for this?! :'''Jason''': We wouldn't even be here if you hadn't broken the galeezle! ===''The Green-eyed Monster''=== ===''Lazy Daze''=== :''[The Rockhopper pulls up at the Comet Lounge]'' :'''Zidgel''': Captain's blog, we're going on a picnic. :'''Michelle''': So, what are we doing here? :'''Midgel''': Had to stop off for some supplies, first. Soda pop, sandwiches, you know. :'''Fidgel''': ''[as they enter]'' Don't forget the chocolate bars and marshmallows! :'''Jason''': Oh, great! I love eating s'mores! :'''Fidgel''': Eating? Oh, no, I need them for a new fuel experiment. :'''Midgel''': Now don't take all day with your science project stuff, Doctor. We're here to get in, get supplies, and get out. No nonsense. :'''Fidgel''': I assure you, my experiments are not nonsense. :'''Midgel''': What about the time you tried to make glass invisible so you can see through it? :'''Fidgel''': Well, it worked, didn't it? <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': What's wrong with being lazy? :'''Sol''': Well, just think, if I didn't work around here, nobody would get served, dirty dishes would pile up. Pretty soon the whole place would stink! :'''Michelle''': Like Jason's room! :'''Sol''': ''[chuckles]'' Old Sol says, "The lazy person wants many things, but has nothing. But the person who is diligent and hardworking, truly has it all." You want to be diligent, right, kids? :'''Jason''': Actually, the picnic sounds more fun. :'''Sol''': ''[laughs]'' I'm sure it does. You just keep an eye on those ants, you hear? :'''Jason''': We will. Is it just me, or is he weird? <hr width="50%"> :'''Fidgel''': ''[opens the storage bay, but it's all piled up with junk]'' Oh, dear me. :'''Midgel''': What's got your knickers in a knot, doc? :'''Fidgel''': Well, I'm scheduled to run a diagnostic test on the Harryhausen ray, but it's in the back of this storage bay, and I can't get to it. :'''Midgel''': Harryhausen ray? What's that? :'''Fidgel''': Oh, it's simply a device that halts movement on a molecular level. :'''Midgel''': ''[not understanding]'' In the Queen's English, Fidge. :'''Fidgel''': Yes. It stops action, freezes things in time and space. :'''Midgel''': Classic. But it looks like you could use some help. :'''Fidgel''': Oh, why thank you. :'''Midgel''': If I see anyone available, I'll send 'em round. :'''Fidgel''': ''[enters Jason's room, finding him laying lazily on his bed]'' Hello, Jason. I hear you're looking to earn some extra money for sea chimps? :'''Jason''': Yeah! :'''Fidgel''': Well, the storage bay is in a bit of a mess. What say I hire you to clean it? :'''Jason''': Hire? You mean like a job? I'm kinda busy. Maybe later. Uh, doc? Turn the page for me. I can't reach. ===''More Is More''=== ===''Give and Let Give''=== :'''Jason''': ''[enters Michelle's room while following the smelling scent and spots a cupcake on the table, tries to eat it, but Michelle swipes it from him]'' Let me have a cupcake. I'll tell Grandmum you've learned your lesson when we get back. :'''Michelle''': No. ''I'' made them, I say who gets one. :'''Jason''': (Oh, I get it.) You won't give me one because you're still mad about play-ser tag. :'''Michelle''': Yeah, it was no fair. I was sick of being it. :'''Jason''': At least I shared with you. :'''Michelle''': You gave me the broken one. :'''Jason''': This one? It's a new invention. Fidgel even said it didn't work right. ''[turns on the device and a straight and spiral beam fires and goes around the room until it reaches him]'' :'''Michelle''': No thanks, that thing is a play-ser tag magnet. Wherever I hid in the room, that beam would find me. I was it the whole time! :'''Jason''': Fine, but it's not ''my'' fault it doesn't work. Keep your stale old cupcakes. ''[leaves the room in a huff]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': ''[as Kevin sticks his head in the sand]'' What do you think you're doing? :'''Kevin''': Looking for water. <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': Fidge, give me your spectrometer. :'''Fidgel''': What for? :'''Midgel''': I wanna try something. :'''Fidget''': No, you'll break it. :'''Midgel''': What? :'''Michelle''': Can't he borrow it for a moment? He might be able to get us free. :'''Fidgel''': No, he's ''never'' careful with my things. It's a delicate device. :'''Michelle''': But, doctor, what about Sol's cookie? What about sharing? :'''Fidgel''': Well, what do you want it for, anyway? :'''Midgel''': I need to get back to the ship to get a fix on the pump, so you can find it, override the signal, and turn it back on. :'''Michelle''': Please? This is no time to be stingy. :'''Fidgel''': ''[reluctantly]'' Don't get any sand in it. :'''Midgel''': Thank you. I'll head to the ship. You look around here, keep your communicator on. <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': Fidgel, come in! Do you read me? :'''Fidgel''': Well, it's about time. They've got the captain trussed up like a Christmas package. :'''Midgel''': That's not good, I mean, unless it actually was Christmas. ===''Practical Hoax''=== :'''Zidgel''': You're getting the seat wet, Michelle. :'''Michelle''': You can thank Jason (for that). :'''Zidgel''': Oh, thank you, Jason. ===''Comedy of Errors''=== ===''Compassion Crashin'''=== ===''Wiki Tiki''=== :'''Grandmum''': Michelle, is this the way I've taught you to rinse the dishes? :'''Michelle''': ''[sees the sink overflowing; alarmed]'' Oh, no! ''[quickly turns it off and places a towel on the wet floor]'' :'''Grandmum''': And, Jason, you didn't replace the plastic liner in this trash can. :'''Jason''': Sorry, Grandmum, I'll go get it right now. :'''Michelle''': I guess I was in too big a hurry. I'm sorry. :'''Grandmum''': Remember what the Good Book says, "Enthusiasm without knowledge is ''no'' good. Haste makes mistakes." :'''Jason''': Is that a real proverb? :'''Grandmum''': It jolly well is. Take the time to listen and do it right the first time. :'''Jason''': Like the trash liner. I'm on it. :'''Grandmum''': You'll just make a mess if you rush. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': Now where's that spaceship? It was right here! :'''Michelle''': Jason, you heard Grandmum. We got to put the clean sheets on our beds. :'''Jason''': I did. :'''Michelle''': ''[sternly]'' Jason. :'''Jason''': It's fine. I'll make the bed later. ''[Midgel galeezles both him and Michelle into the Rockhopper]'' Whoa, definitely later. :'''Michelle''': Hey, thanks, Midgel. Where is everybody? :'''Midgel''': Sorry, Michelle, no time for chit chat, we got to get going. ''[The kids are strapped to their seats and buckle up]'' The others are at the Comet Lounge making sure Sol doesn't run out of the afternoon special. :'''Jason and Michelle''': Sol's Aurora Borealis fruit punch! :'''Jason''': What are we waiting for?! :'''Jason, Michelle, and Midgel''': BONSAI! <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rockhopper arrives at the Comet Lounge and Jason, Michelle, and Midgel enter where the rest of the crew are already there]'' :'''Midgel''': Where's the Aurora Borealis punch? :'''Fidgel''': Sol hasn't lit the sign, yet. :'''Midgel''': Whew. I'd hate to miss the Aurora Borealis. Best fruit punch in the galaxy. :'''Fidgel''': Hey, I was in line first. :'''Zidgel''': Captains first, then everyone else. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': You were right, Michelle. We didn't take our time and we made mistakes. :'''Michelle''': Captain Zidgel? Jason and I have realized something. :'''Zidgel''': Can't stop it. Tried everything. :'''Jason''': Captain, we ''have'' tried everything, except listening. :'''Zidgel''': Listening? What do you mean? :'''Michelle''': Grandmum told us, enthusiasm without knowledge is no good. :'''Jason''': And haste makes mistakes. :'''Zidgel''': Translated, means…is this a tongue twister? :'''Fidgel''': Wait, I think I know. Rushing to do things in your own enthusiasm instead of taking time to understand and think causes problems. :'''Midgel''': Cuz you'll just make a mess if you hurry. :'''Kevin''': Yeah, big mess. :'''Jason''': Right, we've been in such a hurry to get back to the Comet Lounge for Sol's aurora borealis fruit punch-- :'''Michelle''': That we've been running with the first ideas that popped into our heads. Nobody listened to the tiki king. ===''Invasion of the Body Swappers!''=== :'''Midgel''': Hey, Mish, everything all right? :'''Michelle''': Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Midgel, do you, do you think I'm pretty? :'''Midgel''': What? ''[nervously laughs]'' Well, to tell you the truth, Michelle, I really don't know much about that sort of thing. To me, the prettiest thing in the world is the Rockhopper. She's a beaut, she is. :'''Fidgel''': ''[tweaking the galeezle as Michelle enters the main room]'' Oh, hello, dear. I've been tweaking the galeezle device. Would you like to help me? :'''Michelle''': Fidgel, do you think I'm pretty? :'''Fidgel''': Pretty? Uh, well, pretty is as pretty does, as my mom always used to say. ''[pulls out a photo of his mother]'' Ah, Mum was the prettiest woman in the world. ===''Git Along Little Doggies!''=== ===''Wise Guys''=== :'''Grandmum''': The Good Book says, "Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end, you will be wise." :'''Michelle''': You? Wise? Not likely. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[as his sister, Midgel, Fidgel, and Kevin all glare annoyingly at him]'' No, that was not my fault. It was the lousy time machine. It didn't even work! :'''Michelle''': Or maybe you didn't listen to any advice! :''[They hear the sounds of laughing and coughing and see two elderly penguins sitting in rocking chairs, but it turns out, they're the future versions of Midgel and Fidgel]'' :'''Future Midgel''': Looks like they didn't get the transmission. :'''Future Fidgel''': And I dare say Jason ignored our warnings about the time machine. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': This is fantastic! :'''Midgel''': Exactly how is this fantastic, Jason? :'''Jason''': ''[to Fidgel]'' Your time machine worked! We're in the future! This is the neatest thing ever! :'''Fidgel''': Not to dampen your enthusiasm, young man, but our situation is, in fact, quite dire. :'''Jason''': What do you mean? :'''Midgel''': Our ship's destroyed, who knows how much the time machine's been damaged? Jason, face the facts. :'''Future Midgel''': The odds are, you and your sister are stuck here with us, '''''forever.''''' :'''Jason''': ''[horrified] '''NO!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"> :'''Michelle''': Kevin's getting '''''younger!''''' ===''Hogs and Kisses''=== :''[The Lizard King finds Jason in the back of his truck when he tries to run away]'' :'''Lizard King''': Great Bullamanka! A human ice pop! What are you doin' in there? :'''Jason''': ''[shivering from the cold]'' R-r-running away? :'''Lizard King''': Not on board my ship, you don't. No stowaways. I got a firm rule against such things. ''[pulls him out of the cargo hold; recognizing him]'' Wait a minute, I know you! You're the mate aboard the Rockhopper, under Captain Zidgel. :'''Jason''': P-p-please. You gotta let me stay. I-I can't go back there. :'''Lizard King''': Why not? :'''Jason''': They say things that hurt my feelings... supposed to be helpful. :'''Lizard King''': Oh, it's like that, is it? Always telling you what to do, eh? Giving you orders, do this, do that. Making you feel bad by saying things you don't wanna hear, eh mate? :'''Jason''': Yeah! :'''Lizard King''': Ha! Get over it! You're a shipmate. Taking orders is what you do. Whatever they're telling you is probably for your own good. ==Season 3 (2008)== ===''12 Angry Hens''=== ===''Kennel Club Blues''=== ===''Oh, Mercy!''=== ===''Promises, Promises, Promises''=== ===''Do Unto Brothers''=== ===''Between an Asteroid and a Hard Place''=== ===''In the Big House''=== == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's animated space adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American preschool education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Computer animated TV shows]] [[Category:Flash animated TV shows]] [[Category:TV shows about penguins]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Qubo shows]] k56dpxxl16w78fkl1elvucy0ept1257 3949188 3949187 2026-06-05T13:32:24Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 /* External links */ 3949188 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:3-2-1 Penguins!|3-2-1 Penguins!]]''''' (2000-2003, 2006-2008) is an American [[sci-fi]]/fantasy/adventure/comedy/space opera 3D CGI animated Christian preschool educational series that follows the two 5-year old twin siblings, Jason T. Conrad, and his little twin sister, Michelle Frances Conrad, who are spending the summer with their grandmother at their grandparent's cottage in the The Poconos region of Pennsylvania. They're also pulled into a rocket ship of a troop of four penguins as they're taken on a galactic adventure. The show was aimed at preschoolers, and kindergarteners, and from ages 3 to 6, but had scenes, for adults, from ages 18 to 21, which were very terrifying, and scary, including strongest violence. ==Season 1 (2000-2003)== ===''Trouble on Planet Wait-Your-Turn''=== :''[First lines; The Conrad family are driving in the Poconos region of Pennsylvania to drop off their kids, Jason and Michelle, at Grandmum's cottage for the summer]'' :'''Jason''': ''[as Michelle's doll's shoe hits him on the side of his head on purpose; getting very angry]'' Mommy!!! she did that again!!! :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Michelle, come on, we're almost there. Apologize to your big brother. :'''Michelle''': I'm sorry, Jason. :'''Mrs. Conrad''': I hope you two don't act this way while you're at Grandmum's. :'''Michelle''': ''[excited]'' Yay, Grandmum's cottage! :'''Jason''': Yay, Grandmum's cottage. You know, Trevor's at Space Camp right now. :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Jason, you'll get to go to Space Camp after Grandmum's cottage. You're just going to need to be patient. :'''Michelle''': I just love Grandmum's cottage! Are we almost there? :'''Mr. Conrad''': You should know where we are, cupcake, unless you aren't wearing your glasses again. ''[the car pulls up in front of the cottage]'' Hey, hey, hey! We're here! :'''Grandmum''': ''[walks out of the door and to the car; excitedly]'' Hello, sweeties! How's my two favorite twin pumpkins? :'''Michelle''': ''[in unison]'' Hi, Grandma. :'''Jason''': ''[in unison]'' Hi, Grandma. :'''Grandmum''': Oh, that's ''Grandmum'' to you, you little bugs! :'''Mr. Conrad''': Oh, you kids are gonna like it here. Your grandpa finished this place when I was about your age. :'''Grandmum''': That's right. Built the whole place himself, he did. Quite a man, your grandpop. ''[gets a hug from Michelle]'' Oh! Goodness, now, which one are you, then? :'''Michelle''': We're not identical twins, Grandmum. :'''Jason''': Thank goodness. :'''Michelle''': Just remember, I'm the sweetest one. :'''Jason''': And I'm the one who's supposed to be at Space Camp. ''[gets out of the car]'' :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Okay, that's everything. I'm afraid we have to run or we'll miss our flight. :'''Mr. Conrad''': Thanks for watching the kids, Mom. Jason and Michelle, we'll call you when we get there. :'''Grandmum''': Have a good trip. And don't you worry about these two, they'll be just fine here. No better place for kids, you know. :'''Mr. Conrad''': That's right. :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Bye-bye, sweethearts, we love you! Be good for your grandmum. :'''Mr. Conrad''': And have fun! :'''Grandmum''': Come on, pumpkins! You can give me a hand with supper. :'''Michelle''': Goodbye! :'''Mr. & Mrs. Conrad''': Bye. :'''Jason''': Bye. :''[The car starts pulling away but comes back after a few seconds]'' :'''Mr. Conrad''': Jason, your mom and I know you'd rather be at Space Camp right now, so we got you and Michelle something that might make the time go faster. Now, be sure you take turns with your sister. We'll call you for tonight, bud. <hr width="50%"> :''[While Jason plays with the Rockhopper and Michelle looks through a telescope in the attic, the ship magically comes to life and Jason meets the penguin troops for the first time]'' :'''Zidgel''': Jason T. Conrad. We need your help! :'''Jason''': You're, you're alive! :'''Midgel''': Of course we are, kid. It's much easier to do our jobs that way. :'''Zidgel''': Get in here, Jason. The galaxy waits for no man! :'''Jason''': What? I can't. I'm too big. :'''Zidgel''': Ah, too big, too big. When I was your size, I was ''twice'' your size. ''[to Fidgel]'' Dr. Fidgel, galeezle him. :'''Fidgel''': Yes, right away. ''[fires the galeezle and a big claw comes out of the ship, grabbing Jason]'' :'''Jason''': Hey! ''[gets reeled into the ship]'' I… I… I can't believe you guys are alive. :'''Zidgel''': Of course we are. :'''Midgel''': Either that or you're daydreaming. :'''Fidgel''': That's true. Sensors indicate that he ''could'' be daydreaming. :'''Midgel''': But no time for small talk now, we've got work to do. :'''Jason''': What about my sister? Is she coming? :'''Zidgel''': Don't worry, she'll get her chance. But right now, ''you're'' the one that we need. <hr width="50%"> :'''Zigel''': Okay, boys, I think it's time we briefed our new cadet. Now, listen up. I am Captain Zidgel. This is my ship. Over here, we have Dr. Fidgel. :'''Fidgel''': How do you do? :'''Zidgel''': This is the ship's pilot and engineer, First Officer Midgel. And, um, ''[clears throat]'' that's, uh, Kevin. :'''Kevin''': ''[vacuuming]'' Pleasure. :'''Jason''': What does he do? :''[Kevin gets his head sucked into the hose]'' :'''Zidgel''': Mostly, he just does that. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': Penguins, we have to get out of here! The cutting-in-line bug is infecting us too! :'''Midgel''': Nonsense! But if it is, it infected me first. :'''Fidgel''': No, I was first. :'''Kevin''': Me! Me! :'''Zidgel''': You're all being ridiculous! I wanted to cut in front of you hours ago. :'''Jason''': People! Don't you understand what happens when you get too close to the sun?! You'll '''''burn up!''''' <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': We're all gonna die if we keep this up! :'''Midgel''': He could be right! :'''Zidgel''': Or it could be a clever scam so that he could go first! :'''Jason''': Wait! Listen to me! We need to learn to wait our turns. To let someone else go first now and then. It's called patience. It's a virtue. :'''Zidgel''': I couldn't agree more! That's why you should wait your turn! :'''Jason''': No, no. Oh, what was that verse? Um, "A patient man has great understanding, but a quick tempered man displays folly." :'''Vacuum Cleaner''': ''[confused]'' What's folly? :'''Jason''': Foolishness. Trouble. Having to go first all the time only leads to trouble, like getting burned up by the sun! Now, the consequences are not always so extreme, but good things come to those who wait. :'''Zidgel''': So, what do we do? :'''Jason''': ''[gets an idea; politely]'' After you. ===''The Cheating Scales of Bullamanka''=== :'''Grandmum''': ''[teaching Michelle the importance of cheating]'' You know what the Good Book says about cheating, don't you? "The Lord hates cheating scales, but accurate weights are his delight." <hr width="50%"> :''[Michelle meets the penguin troops for the first time as the Rockhopper comes to life]'' :'''Zidgel''': Michelle Francis Conrad. :'''Michelle''': ''[calling for Jason, thinking it's for him]'' Uh, Jason? It's for you. :'''Zidgel''': Not so fast! ''You're'' the one we need, this time. :'''Michelle''': Jason's right. You guys ''are'' alive. :'''Midgel''': Either that or you're daydreaming. :'''Kevin''': Whoa, déjà vu. :'''Zidgel''': Dr. Fidgel, galeezle her. :'''Fidgel''': Right away, captain. :'''Midgel''': Hang on. :''[Fidgel fires the galeezle and the claw pops out of the ship, grabbing Michelle]'' :'''Michelle''': Wait! :'''Fidgel''': ''[reels her in aboard the ship]'' Amazing, an exact duplicate of your brother, only with pigtails! :'''Michelle''': We're, we're not identical twins, we're just the same age. ===''The Amazing Carnival of Complaining''=== :'''Michelle''': What's the matter, Jason? Are you bored? ''[Jason growls in annoyance]'' Too bad the video game's busted, huh? :'''Jason''': As a matter of fact, it is too bad, because I'm bored out of my brain! There's absolutely ''nothing'' to do up here! Why can't I be having fun at Space Camp like Trevor instead of eating weird grapes and thumb wrestling myself because the only other possible thing to do is plant pumpkins or stare at the wall?! Oh, that gives me an idea, I think I'll ''stare'' at the wall! :'''Michelle''': Touché. :'''Grandmum''': Heavens above! That's no way to look at things, is it? You do know what it says about complaining in the Bible, don't you? "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure. Children of God without fault in this crooked world in which you shine like stars in the universe." You know, Jason, if you can't control your complaining, it'll spread to everyone around you, and you'll be a seed of discontent. So, which will it be, a grumpy seed, or a shining star? We will be outside if you change your mind. Come along, Michelle. ''[she and her granddaughter head outside the garden]'' :'''Jason''': Why would anyone want grapes with seeds? ===''Runaway Pride at Lightstation Kilowatt''=== ===''The Doom Funnel Rescue!''=== :''[A mail truck drops off some mail at Grandmum's cottage and drives away]'' :'''Jason & Michelle''': ''[run out the front door]'' Mail! :'''Jason''': Race ya. :'''Michelle''': Well… okay! ''[runs to the mailbox]'' :'''Jason''': Hey, no fair! Michelle, come on! :'''Michelle''': ''[opens the mailbox]'' What's the matter? It's just the mail. :'''Jason''': Come on, I'm desperate! If I don't hear something from the outside world soon, I'm gonna crack! :'''Michelle''': Well…let's just see what the postman's brought. Could this be for you? Oh, no, I guess not. But ooh! Here's an exciting opportunity to refund your home at today's low rate. :'''Jason''': Michelle… :'''Michelle''': You know, it's never too early to start planning for your retirement. :'''Jason''': That does it. Prepare to--rarrr! ''[starts chasing her around]'' :'''Michelle''': Hey, Jason! :'''Jason''': Come on, hand it over! :'''Michelle''': Cut it out! :'''Jason''': It's no use resisting. :'''Grandmum''': Goodness, muffins, what's all this? :'''Jason''': Michelle won't let me see the mail. :'''Grandmum''': Now, now, Michelle, what is it the Good Book says? Oh, yes! "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act." I suppose that goes for the mail as well. :'''Michelle''': I was gonna give it to him eventually. :'''Grandmum''': Let's see, bills, bills, some lovely coupons, a card for Michelle, oh! And here's a nice letter for Jason. :'''Jason''': For me? Hey, it's from Trevor! ''[takes out a photo of Trevor on the anti-gravity simulator]'' Look, here's a picture of him on the anti-gravity simulator. :'''Michelle''': Personally, I never understood why a bunch of kids would wait in line just to get nauseous. :'''Grandmum''': Well, come along, bugs. We'll all read our mail over some delicious prune trifle. :'''Jason''': Yeah, here we can get nauseous without the weight. <hr width="50%"> :''[Jason lays on the couch reading Trevor's letter to him]'' :'''Trevor''': ''[voice-over] And being weightless was very neat. Friday, we learned all about space storms. Rocket science is a real blast. Get it? Ha, ha. Hey, remember that day we went to Astroland and rode on the Twister 28 times in a row? Nobody can take centrifugal force like you and me, right? I really wish you were here. Stuff's always more fun when you're around. Well, I gotta go meet John Glenn. Write soon, and tell me all the exciting things you've been doing. Your pal, Trevor.'' :'''Michelle''': Grandmum, the sink's leaking again! :'''Grandmum''': Well, we'll fix it up in a jiffy. Just need to find my supply of duct tape. ''[enters the living room, holding a roll of duct tape]'' Nice of Trevor to write you, wasn't it? I'm sure he misses you a lot. :'''Jason''': Yeah, I can tell. :'''Grandmum''': You should write him back right away. I'll bet he'd love hearing from you. You can tell him all about what you've been doing. :'''Michelle''': ''[coming down the stairs]'' Good idea! There was that one paperclip chain you made, and helping Grandmum put on her hair net, and that awful morning we, uh, ran out of toast. :'''Grandmum''': Woah, don't like to think about that too much. :'''Jason''': ''[sits up and gets off the couch]'' Well, I'm sure Trevor is having too much fun to bother reading any letter from me. :'''Grandmum''': You know, love, he might be a little homesick. Hearing from you could be just what the doctor ordered. :'''Jason''': Yeah, I think I'll just go upstairs. :'''Grandmum''': I'm sure you'll do the right thing, dear. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[holding up the Rockhopper with Preston in it]'' All systems are go for Captain Preston of the Space Mouse Patrol! As the mighty ship prepares to launch! Three, two… ''[Preston jumps out of the ship]'' Preston! ''[tries to catch him, but trips and falls on the floor]'' :''[Preston lands on top of the ship as it soars to life]'' :'''Zidgel''': 40 foot rodent! ''[Midgel presses a button, opening the dome and catapulting Preston off the ship; calling out to Jason while he tries to look for Preston]'' Cadet Jason T. Conrad, report for duty immediately! :'''Jason''': Huh? Oh, sure. Just give me a minute. I gotta find Preston. :'''Zidgel''': No time (for that), cadet! We have an urgent mission in the Zembroid counstol? C-c-cancel? Calcul? Cornsep... whatever, it's that way. :'''Jason''': Okay, but could you wait? :'''Zidgel''': Dr. Fidgel, galeezle him. :''[Fidgel fires the galeezle and pulls Jason into the ship]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Zigel''': ''[showing a presentation of his baby pictures on the big screen]'' As you can see from these photos, I was strikingly handsome even as an infant. Now here's one with me on my mommy's lap. Oh, here I am looking adorable! And, ooh, there's my old high chair! :'''Jason''': Uh, captain, the mission? :'''Fidgel''': We are headed for Space Colony Doublewide. It's interstellar cyclonic doom funnel season there. And our cargo is their supply of emergency duct tape. :'''Jason''': Emergency duct tape? :'''Fidgel''': Yes, it's for lashing space colony modules together. Otherwise, they slip their moorings, and those fragile trailers bash each other in the high winds, until they're splintered into smithereens. If we don't get it there in time, the entire population is done for! <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': ''[checks the fuel gauge, noticing the ship's fuel is nearly empty]'' Empty. We're running on fumes. You told me you prepared everything for the mission! :'''Zidgel''': Of course! And here it is! Styling gel, mousse, conditioner. :'''Midgel''': But what about gas? You said you got gas. :'''Zidgel''': And I did! But I'm feeling much better now, thank you. :'''Midgel''': ''[snapping irately]'' I meant rocket fuel! :'''Zidgel''': Oh. :'''Jason''': Uh, guys, wouldn't it be a good idea to get some more fuel quick before we ''totally'' run out? <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': ''[after the Rockhopper arrives at the gas station that is two cents cheaper as it completely runs out of fuel]'' Whew. Down to the last drop. ''[looks back at the crew, all frightened]'' What? I told you we were gonna run out of gas. <hr width="50%"> :'''Kevin''': Uh, they were out of Chewy Chunky Glob of Fudge, so I got you an Icky Gooey Slab of Slop (instead). :'''Zidgel''': ''[disappointed]'' It's not the same. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[when Kevin pulls out a spherical robot from the paper bag]'' What's that? :'''Kevin''': Not sure, really, I got it free with my Prune Trifle burrito. :'''Jason''': ''[reading the name]'' "B-I-N-G, Beneficial Imprinting Neuralnet Gizmo." :'''Kevin''': B.I.N.G. :'''Jason''': Look, here's the button to start it. ''[presses a button on the back and a flashbulb pops out, flashing Kevin as he covers his eyes]'' Hey, you guys, check this out. :'''Fidgel''': Most interesting. I believe that B.I.N.G. has somehow imprinted on Kevin's behavior, like a newborn duckling does with the first creature it sees. <hr width="50%"> :'''Zidgel''': Looks like Kevin's got himself a new best friend. :'''Midgel''': Nothing like a best friend, I always say. I got three back home. How about you, Jason? :'''Jason''': ''[as B.I.N.G. sets him down]'' Uh, yeah, at least, I think I still do. <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rockhopper pulls up beside Professor Wordsworth's trailer and he boards before the doom funnel nearly sucks it up]'' :'''Midgel''': I can't control the ship much longer! :'''Professor Wordsworth''': But we can't just leave! This is my home! What about my research? The colony? Our future survival depends on learning how to defend against the doom funnel! :'''Midgel''': Sorry, Professor, but that thing's nearly got a hold of us. We'll need to fight our way out! <hr width="50%"> :''[After saving the Space Colony Doublewide trailer park from the doom funnel, Kevin has no choice but to give B.I.N.G. to Professor Wordsworth]'' :'''Fidgel''': ''[amazed after B.I.N.G. imprints the professor's behavior]'' Fascinating! Now B.I.N.G. is imprinted on the professor. :'''Professor Wordsworth''': This is most kind of you, Kevin. We shall forever remember your act of goodness. Now then, B.I.N.G., shall we see what we can do to spruce things up a bit before everyone returns? :'''Kevin''': Goodbye, B.I.N.G. I won't forget you. :'''Zidgel''': Did I miss something? Seems to me we're down one robot in the deal. :'''Jason''': Kevin just realized that it was wrong to keep B.I.N.G. to himself when he had a chance to do good for the professor and the whole colony. "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act." <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[writing a letter to Trevor in return; voice-over] And just today, I found this really excellent mouse named Preston. Well, guess that's about it. Glad you're having a great summer, too. As someone I know once said, "Ain't nothing like a best friend." Oh, (and) in case you're a little homesick, here's something to help cheer you up. Maybe next year, we can try to break our record on that coaster. Signed, your best bud, Jason.'' :''[Later that night… Jason and Michelle are saying their prayers before going to bed]'' :'''Grandmum''': Nighty-night, cupcakes. Time to say your prayers. :'''Jason & Michelle''': Dear God… :'''Michelle''': Please bless Grandmum and keep my Mommy and Daddy safe on their trip. :'''Jason''': And thank you for teaching me the importance of doing good things for people whenever I have the chance. And please watch over Preston. He's a really great mouse. :'''Michelle''': Even if he did eat the bridal bouquet. :'''Jason & Michelle''': Amen. ===''Moon Menace on Planet Tell-a-Lie!''=== :'''Grandmum''': Like the Good Book says, "Lies will get any man into trouble, but honesty is its own defense." ==Season 2 (2007-2008)== ===''I Scream, You Scream!''=== :'''Sol''': Like the Good Book says, "Those who have knowledge use words with restraint, and those who are understanding are even tempered." Now that means the more you know, the less you get angry. And that's good. Anger just makes you lose control and he end up accusing others wrongly. :'''Jason''': He talks like Grandmum. <hr width="50%"> :'''Admiral Strap''': ''[on speaker] Penguins! Come in, penguins!'' :'''Zidgel''': Admiral Strap, sir! ''[salutes]'' :'''Michelle''': Uh, who's that? :'''Fidgel''': That's Admiral Strap. Our commander at Federation HQ. <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rockhopper arrives at Grandmum's cottage in the attic, preparing to send Jason and Michelle back]'' :'''Zigel''': Well, until next time, cadets! :'''Midgel''': G'bye, mates! :'''Jason & Michelle''': Goodbye! :''[As Fidgel fires the galeezle, the claw pops out and falls on the floor, covered in gum]'' :'''Michelle''': Oh, no, what happened? :'''Jason''': What happened?! Can't you see? The thing's broken! :'''Michelle''': How? :'''Fidgel''': ''[examines the gum]'' Hmm… Corn syrup, soy lecithin, and titanium dioxide, if I'm not very much mistaken. A construct otherwise known as… :'''Jason''': Hubby chubby bubble gum! Oh, no! ''[angrily points to Michelle]'' It was ''you!'' You must have spit it out when the galeezle pulled us in! :'''Michelle''': I wasn't the only one with hubby chubby! You were chewing it too! :'''Jason''': I swallowed mine! :'''Michelle''': Well, I didn't do it! You must have done it! :'''Jason''': I didn't do it! ''You'' did! :'''Michelle''': No, ''you'' did! :'''Zidgel''': Ah, ah! Temper, temper. Here we go, accusing each other again! Remember what old Sol told us: not smart without all the facts. :'''Jason''': Well, the fact ''is'' we aren't going to be able to get back to Grandmum's and it's all Michelle's fault! :'''Michelle''': Can you fix it, Fidgel? :'''Fidgel''': Well, um…it's not…Well, I can try. :'''Jason''': "Try?!" Oh, no! We're going to stay this size? I'm only as big as my little finger! :'''Michelle''': Can you make it work again? :'''Fidgel''': ''[pulls out a small, burned out device covered in gum]'' This is what makes it work. The metric magnetic matter disperser. The only one in existence as far as I know! Without this, the galeezle is useless! I fear the bubble gum has burnt it out. <hr width="50%"> :'''Fidgel''': Jason, Michelle, would you like a sandwich? :'''Jason''': ''[disappointed about not getting back to Grandmum's cottage]'' No. I just want Grandmum's cocoa. :'''Michelle''': I thought you weren't talking to me. :'''Jason''': I ''wasn't'' talking to you, you galeezle breaker! :'''Michelle''': I didn't break it. ''You'' did! Your gum must've come out when you were screaming like a baby. :'''Jason''': ''[infuriated]'' Screaming like a baby?! :'''Michelle''': Yes, you always scream like a baby when galeezled into the ship! :'''Zidgel''': ''[enters the main room after taking a shower with his hair all droopy; angrily accusing Kevin]'' KEVIN! YOU'VE BEEN INTO MY SHAMPOO AGAIN! :'''Midgel''': Calm down, captain. :'''Zidgel''': Calm down? Calm down?! ''[to Kevin]'' Listen to me! "Ridiculous proportions shampoo" is shampoo! Do you hear me? ''Shampoo!'' But you always use it as a body wash! A ''body wash!'' Do you know how much ''body'' you have to wash?! :''[Kevin reacts with confusion]'' :'''Midgel''': Now, wait just a minute, captain. Didn't you say earlier that we shouldn't be too quick to accuse each other? ''[gasps in shock when he sees his Boomerangutan poster on the table; accusing Fidgel in outrage]'' Doc! Doc! What have you done to my poster?! :'''Fidgel''': I-I just needed something to protect the table. :'''Midgel''': ''[frustrated]'' Do you know how much this is worth?! It was from the last tour of the Boomerangutans! :'''Fidgel''': ''[retorting]'' Well, if you wouldn't leave your quarters in such a mess, how am I to know what's rare and what's rubbish? :''[Jason and Michelle cover their ears, trying to block out the arguing]'' :'''Jason''': Nice going, Michelle! :'''Michelle''': What?! Now you're blaming ''me'' for this?! :'''Jason''': We wouldn't even be here if you hadn't broken the galeezle! ===''The Green-eyed Monster''=== ===''Lazy Daze''=== :''[The Rockhopper pulls up at the Comet Lounge]'' :'''Zidgel''': Captain's blog, we're going on a picnic. :'''Michelle''': So, what are we doing here? :'''Midgel''': Had to stop off for some supplies, first. Soda pop, sandwiches, you know. :'''Fidgel''': ''[as they enter]'' Don't forget the chocolate bars and marshmallows! :'''Jason''': Oh, great! I love eating s'mores! :'''Fidgel''': Eating? Oh, no, I need them for a new fuel experiment. :'''Midgel''': Now don't take all day with your science project stuff, Doctor. We're here to get in, get supplies, and get out. No nonsense. :'''Fidgel''': I assure you, my experiments are not nonsense. :'''Midgel''': What about the time you tried to make glass invisible so you can see through it? :'''Fidgel''': Well, it worked, didn't it? <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': What's wrong with being lazy? :'''Sol''': Well, just think, if I didn't work around here, nobody would get served, dirty dishes would pile up. Pretty soon the whole place would stink! :'''Michelle''': Like Jason's room! :'''Sol''': ''[chuckles]'' Old Sol says, "The lazy person wants many things, but has nothing. But the person who is diligent and hardworking, truly has it all." You want to be diligent, right, kids? :'''Jason''': Actually, the picnic sounds more fun. :'''Sol''': ''[laughs]'' I'm sure it does. You just keep an eye on those ants, you hear? :'''Jason''': We will. Is it just me, or is he weird? <hr width="50%"> :'''Fidgel''': ''[opens the storage bay, but it's all piled up with junk]'' Oh, dear me. :'''Midgel''': What's got your knickers in a knot, doc? :'''Fidgel''': Well, I'm scheduled to run a diagnostic test on the Harryhausen ray, but it's in the back of this storage bay, and I can't get to it. :'''Midgel''': Harryhausen ray? What's that? :'''Fidgel''': Oh, it's simply a device that halts movement on a molecular level. :'''Midgel''': ''[not understanding]'' In the Queen's English, Fidge. :'''Fidgel''': Yes. It stops action, freezes things in time and space. :'''Midgel''': Classic. But it looks like you could use some help. :'''Fidgel''': Oh, why thank you. :'''Midgel''': If I see anyone available, I'll send 'em round. :'''Fidgel''': ''[enters Jason's room, finding him laying lazily on his bed]'' Hello, Jason. I hear you're looking to earn some extra money for sea chimps? :'''Jason''': Yeah! :'''Fidgel''': Well, the storage bay is in a bit of a mess. What say I hire you to clean it? :'''Jason''': Hire? You mean like a job? I'm kinda busy. Maybe later. Uh, doc? Turn the page for me. I can't reach. ===''More Is More''=== ===''Give and Let Give''=== :'''Jason''': ''[enters Michelle's room while following the smelling scent and spots a cupcake on the table, tries to eat it, but Michelle swipes it from him]'' Let me have a cupcake. I'll tell Grandmum you've learned your lesson when we get back. :'''Michelle''': No. ''I'' made them, I say who gets one. :'''Jason''': (Oh, I get it.) You won't give me one because you're still mad about play-ser tag. :'''Michelle''': Yeah, it was no fair. I was sick of being it. :'''Jason''': At least I shared with you. :'''Michelle''': You gave me the broken one. :'''Jason''': This one? It's a new invention. Fidgel even said it didn't work right. ''[turns on the device and a straight and spiral beam fires and goes around the room until it reaches him]'' :'''Michelle''': No thanks, that thing is a play-ser tag magnet. Wherever I hid in the room, that beam would find me. I was it the whole time! :'''Jason''': Fine, but it's not ''my'' fault it doesn't work. Keep your stale old cupcakes. ''[leaves the room in a huff]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': ''[as Kevin sticks his head in the sand]'' What do you think you're doing? :'''Kevin''': Looking for water. <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': Fidge, give me your spectrometer. :'''Fidgel''': What for? :'''Midgel''': I wanna try something. :'''Fidget''': No, you'll break it. :'''Midgel''': What? :'''Michelle''': Can't he borrow it for a moment? He might be able to get us free. :'''Fidgel''': No, he's ''never'' careful with my things. It's a delicate device. :'''Michelle''': But, doctor, what about Sol's cookie? What about sharing? :'''Fidgel''': Well, what do you want it for, anyway? :'''Midgel''': I need to get back to the ship to get a fix on the pump, so you can find it, override the signal, and turn it back on. :'''Michelle''': Please? This is no time to be stingy. :'''Fidgel''': ''[reluctantly]'' Don't get any sand in it. :'''Midgel''': Thank you. I'll head to the ship. You look around here, keep your communicator on. <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': Fidgel, come in! Do you read me? :'''Fidgel''': Well, it's about time. They've got the captain trussed up like a Christmas package. :'''Midgel''': That's not good, I mean, unless it actually was Christmas. ===''Practical Hoax''=== :'''Zidgel''': You're getting the seat wet, Michelle. :'''Michelle''': You can thank Jason (for that). :'''Zidgel''': Oh, thank you, Jason. ===''Comedy of Errors''=== ===''Compassion Crashin'''=== ===''Wiki Tiki''=== :'''Grandmum''': Michelle, is this the way I've taught you to rinse the dishes? :'''Michelle''': ''[sees the sink overflowing; alarmed]'' Oh, no! ''[quickly turns it off and places a towel on the wet floor]'' :'''Grandmum''': And, Jason, you didn't replace the plastic liner in this trash can. :'''Jason''': Sorry, Grandmum, I'll go get it right now. :'''Michelle''': I guess I was in too big a hurry. I'm sorry. :'''Grandmum''': Remember what the Good Book says, "Enthusiasm without knowledge is ''no'' good. Haste makes mistakes." :'''Jason''': Is that a real proverb? :'''Grandmum''': It jolly well is. Take the time to listen and do it right the first time. :'''Jason''': Like the trash liner. I'm on it. :'''Grandmum''': You'll just make a mess if you rush. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': Now where's that spaceship? It was right here! :'''Michelle''': Jason, you heard Grandmum. We got to put the clean sheets on our beds. :'''Jason''': I did. :'''Michelle''': ''[sternly]'' Jason. :'''Jason''': It's fine. I'll make the bed later. ''[Midgel galeezles both him and Michelle into the Rockhopper]'' Whoa, definitely later. :'''Michelle''': Hey, thanks, Midgel. Where is everybody? :'''Midgel''': Sorry, Michelle, no time for chit chat, we got to get going. ''[The kids are strapped to their seats and buckle up]'' The others are at the Comet Lounge making sure Sol doesn't run out of the afternoon special. :'''Jason and Michelle''': Sol's Aurora Borealis fruit punch! :'''Jason''': What are we waiting for?! :'''Jason, Michelle, and Midgel''': BONSAI! <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rockhopper arrives at the Comet Lounge and Jason, Michelle, and Midgel enter where the rest of the crew are already there]'' :'''Midgel''': Where's the Aurora Borealis punch? :'''Fidgel''': Sol hasn't lit the sign, yet. :'''Midgel''': Whew. I'd hate to miss the Aurora Borealis. Best fruit punch in the galaxy. :'''Fidgel''': Hey, I was in line first. :'''Zidgel''': Captains first, then everyone else. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': You were right, Michelle. We didn't take our time and we made mistakes. :'''Michelle''': Captain Zidgel? Jason and I have realized something. :'''Zidgel''': Can't stop it. Tried everything. :'''Jason''': Captain, we ''have'' tried everything, except listening. :'''Zidgel''': Listening? What do you mean? :'''Michelle''': Grandmum told us, enthusiasm without knowledge is no good. :'''Jason''': And haste makes mistakes. :'''Zidgel''': Translated, means…is this a tongue twister? :'''Fidgel''': Wait, I think I know. Rushing to do things in your own enthusiasm instead of taking time to understand and think causes problems. :'''Midgel''': Cuz you'll just make a mess if you hurry. :'''Kevin''': Yeah, big mess. :'''Jason''': Right, we've been in such a hurry to get back to the Comet Lounge for Sol's aurora borealis fruit punch-- :'''Michelle''': That we've been running with the first ideas that popped into our heads. Nobody listened to the tiki king. ===''Invasion of the Body Swappers!''=== :'''Midgel''': Hey, Mish, everything all right? :'''Michelle''': Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Midgel, do you, do you think I'm pretty? :'''Midgel''': What? ''[nervously laughs]'' Well, to tell you the truth, Michelle, I really don't know much about that sort of thing. To me, the prettiest thing in the world is the Rockhopper. She's a beaut, she is. :'''Fidgel''': ''[tweaking the galeezle as Michelle enters the main room]'' Oh, hello, dear. I've been tweaking the galeezle device. Would you like to help me? :'''Michelle''': Fidgel, do you think I'm pretty? :'''Fidgel''': Pretty? Uh, well, pretty is as pretty does, as my mom always used to say. ''[pulls out a photo of his mother]'' Ah, Mum was the prettiest woman in the world. ===''Git Along Little Doggies!''=== ===''Wise Guys''=== :'''Grandmum''': The Good Book says, "Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end, you will be wise." :'''Michelle''': You? Wise? Not likely. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[as his sister, Midgel, Fidgel, and Kevin all glare annoyingly at him]'' No, that was not my fault. It was the lousy time machine. It didn't even work! :'''Michelle''': Or maybe you didn't listen to any advice! :''[They hear the sounds of laughing and coughing and see two elderly penguins sitting in rocking chairs, but it turns out, they're the future versions of Midgel and Fidgel]'' :'''Future Midgel''': Looks like they didn't get the transmission. :'''Future Fidgel''': And I dare say Jason ignored our warnings about the time machine. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': This is fantastic! :'''Midgel''': Exactly how is this fantastic, Jason? :'''Jason''': ''[to Fidgel]'' Your time machine worked! We're in the future! This is the neatest thing ever! :'''Fidgel''': Not to dampen your enthusiasm, young man, but our situation is, in fact, quite dire. :'''Jason''': What do you mean? :'''Midgel''': Our ship's destroyed, who knows how much the time machine's been damaged? Jason, face the facts. :'''Future Midgel''': The odds are, you and your sister are stuck here with us, '''''forever.''''' :'''Jason''': ''[horrified] '''NO!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"> :'''Michelle''': Kevin's getting '''''younger!''''' ===''Hogs and Kisses''=== :''[The Lizard King finds Jason in the back of his truck when he tries to run away]'' :'''Lizard King''': Great Bullamanka! A human ice pop! What are you doin' in there? :'''Jason''': ''[shivering from the cold]'' R-r-running away? :'''Lizard King''': Not on board my ship, you don't. No stowaways. I got a firm rule against such things. ''[pulls him out of the cargo hold; recognizing him]'' Wait a minute, I know you! You're the mate aboard the Rockhopper, under Captain Zidgel. :'''Jason''': P-p-please. You gotta let me stay. I-I can't go back there. :'''Lizard King''': Why not? :'''Jason''': They say things that hurt my feelings... supposed to be helpful. :'''Lizard King''': Oh, it's like that, is it? Always telling you what to do, eh? Giving you orders, do this, do that. Making you feel bad by saying things you don't wanna hear, eh mate? :'''Jason''': Yeah! :'''Lizard King''': Ha! Get over it! You're a shipmate. Taking orders is what you do. Whatever they're telling you is probably for your own good. ==Season 3 (2008)== ===''12 Angry Hens''=== ===''Kennel Club Blues''=== ===''Oh, Mercy!''=== ===''Promises, Promises, Promises''=== ===''Do Unto Brothers''=== ===''Between an Asteroid and a Hard Place''=== ===''In the Big House''=== == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's animated space adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American preschool education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:Flash animated TV shows]] [[Category:TV shows about penguins]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Qubo shows]] mmqw3u0lcyk4outqlic1pdhcmvtbh8w 3949193 3949188 2026-06-05T13:37:11Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949193 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:3-2-1 Penguins!|3-2-1 Penguins!]]''''' (2000-2003, 2006-2008) is an American [[sci-fi]]/fantasy/adventure/comedy/space opera 3D CGI animated Christian preschool educational series that follows the two 5-year old twin siblings, Jason T. Conrad, and his little twin sister, Michelle Frances Conrad, who are spending the summer with their grandmother at their grandparent's cottage in the The Poconos region of Pennsylvania. They're also pulled into a rocket ship of a troop of four penguins as they're taken on a galactic adventure. The show was aimed at preschoolers, and from ages 3 to 6, but had scenes, for adults, from ages 18 to 21, which were very terrifying, and scary, including strongest violence. ==Season 1 (2000-2003)== ===''Trouble on Planet Wait-Your-Turn''=== :''[First lines; The Conrad family are driving in the Poconos region of Pennsylvania to drop off their kids, Jason and Michelle, at Grandmum's cottage for the summer]'' :'''Jason''': ''[as Michelle's doll's shoe hits him on the side of his head on purpose; getting very angry]'' Mommy!!! she did that again!!! :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Michelle, come on, we're almost there. Apologize to your big brother. :'''Michelle''': I'm sorry, Jason. :'''Mrs. Conrad''': I hope you two don't act this way while you're at Grandmum's. :'''Michelle''': ''[excited]'' Yay, Grandmum's cottage! :'''Jason''': Yay, Grandmum's cottage. You know, Trevor's at Space Camp right now. :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Jason, you'll get to go to Space Camp after Grandmum's cottage. You're just going to need to be patient. :'''Michelle''': I just love Grandmum's cottage! Are we almost there? :'''Mr. Conrad''': You should know where we are, cupcake, unless you aren't wearing your glasses again. ''[the car pulls up in front of the cottage]'' Hey, hey, hey! We're here! :'''Grandmum''': ''[walks out of the door and to the car; excitedly]'' Hello, sweeties! How's my two favorite twin pumpkins? :'''Michelle''': ''[in unison]'' Hi, Grandma. :'''Jason''': ''[in unison]'' Hi, Grandma. :'''Grandmum''': Oh, that's ''Grandmum'' to you, you little bugs! :'''Mr. Conrad''': Oh, you kids are gonna like it here. Your grandpa finished this place when I was about your age. :'''Grandmum''': That's right. Built the whole place himself, he did. Quite a man, your grandpop. ''[gets a hug from Michelle]'' Oh! Goodness, now, which one are you, then? :'''Michelle''': We're not identical twins, Grandmum. :'''Jason''': Thank goodness. :'''Michelle''': Just remember, I'm the sweetest one. :'''Jason''': And I'm the one who's supposed to be at Space Camp. ''[gets out of the car]'' :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Okay, that's everything. I'm afraid we have to run or we'll miss our flight. :'''Mr. Conrad''': Thanks for watching the kids, Mom. Jason and Michelle, we'll call you when we get there. :'''Grandmum''': Have a good trip. And don't you worry about these two, they'll be just fine here. No better place for kids, you know. :'''Mr. Conrad''': That's right. :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Bye-bye, sweethearts, we love you! Be good for your grandmum. :'''Mr. Conrad''': And have fun! :'''Grandmum''': Come on, pumpkins! You can give me a hand with supper. :'''Michelle''': Goodbye! :'''Mr. & Mrs. Conrad''': Bye. :'''Jason''': Bye. :''[The car starts pulling away but comes back after a few seconds]'' :'''Mr. Conrad''': Jason, your mom and I know you'd rather be at Space Camp right now, so we got you and Michelle something that might make the time go faster. Now, be sure you take turns with your sister. We'll call you for tonight, bud. <hr width="50%"> :''[While Jason plays with the Rockhopper and Michelle looks through a telescope in the attic, the ship magically comes to life and Jason meets the penguin troops for the first time]'' :'''Zidgel''': Jason T. Conrad. We need your help! :'''Jason''': You're, you're alive! :'''Midgel''': Of course we are, kid. It's much easier to do our jobs that way. :'''Zidgel''': Get in here, Jason. The galaxy waits for no man! :'''Jason''': What? I can't. I'm too big. :'''Zidgel''': Ah, too big, too big. When I was your size, I was ''twice'' your size. ''[to Fidgel]'' Dr. Fidgel, galeezle him. :'''Fidgel''': Yes, right away. ''[fires the galeezle and a big claw comes out of the ship, grabbing Jason]'' :'''Jason''': Hey! ''[gets reeled into the ship]'' I… I… I can't believe you guys are alive. :'''Zidgel''': Of course we are. :'''Midgel''': Either that or you're daydreaming. :'''Fidgel''': That's true. Sensors indicate that he ''could'' be daydreaming. :'''Midgel''': But no time for small talk now, we've got work to do. :'''Jason''': What about my sister? Is she coming? :'''Zidgel''': Don't worry, she'll get her chance. But right now, ''you're'' the one that we need. <hr width="50%"> :'''Zigel''': Okay, boys, I think it's time we briefed our new cadet. Now, listen up. I am Captain Zidgel. This is my ship. Over here, we have Dr. Fidgel. :'''Fidgel''': How do you do? :'''Zidgel''': This is the ship's pilot and engineer, First Officer Midgel. And, um, ''[clears throat]'' that's, uh, Kevin. :'''Kevin''': ''[vacuuming]'' Pleasure. :'''Jason''': What does he do? :''[Kevin gets his head sucked into the hose]'' :'''Zidgel''': Mostly, he just does that. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': Penguins, we have to get out of here! The cutting-in-line bug is infecting us too! :'''Midgel''': Nonsense! But if it is, it infected me first. :'''Fidgel''': No, I was first. :'''Kevin''': Me! Me! :'''Zidgel''': You're all being ridiculous! I wanted to cut in front of you hours ago. :'''Jason''': People! Don't you understand what happens when you get too close to the sun?! You'll '''''burn up!''''' <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': We're all gonna die if we keep this up! :'''Midgel''': He could be right! :'''Zidgel''': Or it could be a clever scam so that he could go first! :'''Jason''': Wait! Listen to me! We need to learn to wait our turns. To let someone else go first now and then. It's called patience. It's a virtue. :'''Zidgel''': I couldn't agree more! That's why you should wait your turn! :'''Jason''': No, no. Oh, what was that verse? Um, "A patient man has great understanding, but a quick tempered man displays folly." :'''Vacuum Cleaner''': ''[confused]'' What's folly? :'''Jason''': Foolishness. Trouble. Having to go first all the time only leads to trouble, like getting burned up by the sun! Now, the consequences are not always so extreme, but good things come to those who wait. :'''Zidgel''': So, what do we do? :'''Jason''': ''[gets an idea; politely]'' After you. ===''The Cheating Scales of Bullamanka''=== :'''Grandmum''': ''[teaching Michelle the importance of cheating]'' You know what the Good Book says about cheating, don't you? "The Lord hates cheating scales, but accurate weights are his delight." <hr width="50%"> :''[Michelle meets the penguin troops for the first time as the Rockhopper comes to life]'' :'''Zidgel''': Michelle Francis Conrad. :'''Michelle''': ''[calling for Jason, thinking it's for him]'' Uh, Jason? It's for you. :'''Zidgel''': Not so fast! ''You're'' the one we need, this time. :'''Michelle''': Jason's right. You guys ''are'' alive. :'''Midgel''': Either that or you're daydreaming. :'''Kevin''': Whoa, déjà vu. :'''Zidgel''': Dr. Fidgel, galeezle her. :'''Fidgel''': Right away, captain. :'''Midgel''': Hang on. :''[Fidgel fires the galeezle and the claw pops out of the ship, grabbing Michelle]'' :'''Michelle''': Wait! :'''Fidgel''': ''[reels her in aboard the ship]'' Amazing, an exact duplicate of your brother, only with pigtails! :'''Michelle''': We're, we're not identical twins, we're just the same age. ===''The Amazing Carnival of Complaining''=== :'''Michelle''': What's the matter, Jason? Are you bored? ''[Jason growls in annoyance]'' Too bad the video game's busted, huh? :'''Jason''': As a matter of fact, it is too bad, because I'm bored out of my brain! There's absolutely ''nothing'' to do up here! Why can't I be having fun at Space Camp like Trevor instead of eating weird grapes and thumb wrestling myself because the only other possible thing to do is plant pumpkins or stare at the wall?! Oh, that gives me an idea, I think I'll ''stare'' at the wall! :'''Michelle''': Touché. :'''Grandmum''': Heavens above! That's no way to look at things, is it? You do know what it says about complaining in the Bible, don't you? "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure. Children of God without fault in this crooked world in which you shine like stars in the universe." You know, Jason, if you can't control your complaining, it'll spread to everyone around you, and you'll be a seed of discontent. So, which will it be, a grumpy seed, or a shining star? We will be outside if you change your mind. Come along, Michelle. ''[she and her granddaughter head outside the garden]'' :'''Jason''': Why would anyone want grapes with seeds? ===''Runaway Pride at Lightstation Kilowatt''=== ===''The Doom Funnel Rescue!''=== :''[A mail truck drops off some mail at Grandmum's cottage and drives away]'' :'''Jason & Michelle''': ''[run out the front door]'' Mail! :'''Jason''': Race ya. :'''Michelle''': Well… okay! ''[runs to the mailbox]'' :'''Jason''': Hey, no fair! Michelle, come on! :'''Michelle''': ''[opens the mailbox]'' What's the matter? It's just the mail. :'''Jason''': Come on, I'm desperate! If I don't hear something from the outside world soon, I'm gonna crack! :'''Michelle''': Well…let's just see what the postman's brought. Could this be for you? Oh, no, I guess not. But ooh! Here's an exciting opportunity to refund your home at today's low rate. :'''Jason''': Michelle… :'''Michelle''': You know, it's never too early to start planning for your retirement. :'''Jason''': That does it. Prepare to--rarrr! ''[starts chasing her around]'' :'''Michelle''': Hey, Jason! :'''Jason''': Come on, hand it over! :'''Michelle''': Cut it out! :'''Jason''': It's no use resisting. :'''Grandmum''': Goodness, muffins, what's all this? :'''Jason''': Michelle won't let me see the mail. :'''Grandmum''': Now, now, Michelle, what is it the Good Book says? Oh, yes! "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act." I suppose that goes for the mail as well. :'''Michelle''': I was gonna give it to him eventually. :'''Grandmum''': Let's see, bills, bills, some lovely coupons, a card for Michelle, oh! And here's a nice letter for Jason. :'''Jason''': For me? Hey, it's from Trevor! ''[takes out a photo of Trevor on the anti-gravity simulator]'' Look, here's a picture of him on the anti-gravity simulator. :'''Michelle''': Personally, I never understood why a bunch of kids would wait in line just to get nauseous. :'''Grandmum''': Well, come along, bugs. We'll all read our mail over some delicious prune trifle. :'''Jason''': Yeah, here we can get nauseous without the weight. <hr width="50%"> :''[Jason lays on the couch reading Trevor's letter to him]'' :'''Trevor''': ''[voice-over] And being weightless was very neat. Friday, we learned all about space storms. Rocket science is a real blast. Get it? Ha, ha. Hey, remember that day we went to Astroland and rode on the Twister 28 times in a row? Nobody can take centrifugal force like you and me, right? I really wish you were here. Stuff's always more fun when you're around. Well, I gotta go meet John Glenn. Write soon, and tell me all the exciting things you've been doing. Your pal, Trevor.'' :'''Michelle''': Grandmum, the sink's leaking again! :'''Grandmum''': Well, we'll fix it up in a jiffy. Just need to find my supply of duct tape. ''[enters the living room, holding a roll of duct tape]'' Nice of Trevor to write you, wasn't it? I'm sure he misses you a lot. :'''Jason''': Yeah, I can tell. :'''Grandmum''': You should write him back right away. I'll bet he'd love hearing from you. You can tell him all about what you've been doing. :'''Michelle''': ''[coming down the stairs]'' Good idea! There was that one paperclip chain you made, and helping Grandmum put on her hair net, and that awful morning we, uh, ran out of toast. :'''Grandmum''': Woah, don't like to think about that too much. :'''Jason''': ''[sits up and gets off the couch]'' Well, I'm sure Trevor is having too much fun to bother reading any letter from me. :'''Grandmum''': You know, love, he might be a little homesick. Hearing from you could be just what the doctor ordered. :'''Jason''': Yeah, I think I'll just go upstairs. :'''Grandmum''': I'm sure you'll do the right thing, dear. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[holding up the Rockhopper with Preston in it]'' All systems are go for Captain Preston of the Space Mouse Patrol! As the mighty ship prepares to launch! Three, two… ''[Preston jumps out of the ship]'' Preston! ''[tries to catch him, but trips and falls on the floor]'' :''[Preston lands on top of the ship as it soars to life]'' :'''Zidgel''': 40 foot rodent! ''[Midgel presses a button, opening the dome and catapulting Preston off the ship; calling out to Jason while he tries to look for Preston]'' Cadet Jason T. Conrad, report for duty immediately! :'''Jason''': Huh? Oh, sure. Just give me a minute. I gotta find Preston. :'''Zidgel''': No time (for that), cadet! We have an urgent mission in the Zembroid counstol? C-c-cancel? Calcul? Cornsep... whatever, it's that way. :'''Jason''': Okay, but could you wait? :'''Zidgel''': Dr. Fidgel, galeezle him. :''[Fidgel fires the galeezle and pulls Jason into the ship]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Zigel''': ''[showing a presentation of his baby pictures on the big screen]'' As you can see from these photos, I was strikingly handsome even as an infant. Now here's one with me on my mommy's lap. Oh, here I am looking adorable! And, ooh, there's my old high chair! :'''Jason''': Uh, captain, the mission? :'''Fidgel''': We are headed for Space Colony Doublewide. It's interstellar cyclonic doom funnel season there. And our cargo is their supply of emergency duct tape. :'''Jason''': Emergency duct tape? :'''Fidgel''': Yes, it's for lashing space colony modules together. Otherwise, they slip their moorings, and those fragile trailers bash each other in the high winds, until they're splintered into smithereens. If we don't get it there in time, the entire population is done for! <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': ''[checks the fuel gauge, noticing the ship's fuel is nearly empty]'' Empty. We're running on fumes. You told me you prepared everything for the mission! :'''Zidgel''': Of course! And here it is! Styling gel, mousse, conditioner. :'''Midgel''': But what about gas? You said you got gas. :'''Zidgel''': And I did! But I'm feeling much better now, thank you. :'''Midgel''': ''[snapping irately]'' I meant rocket fuel! :'''Zidgel''': Oh. :'''Jason''': Uh, guys, wouldn't it be a good idea to get some more fuel quick before we ''totally'' run out? <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': ''[after the Rockhopper arrives at the gas station that is two cents cheaper as it completely runs out of fuel]'' Whew. Down to the last drop. ''[looks back at the crew, all frightened]'' What? I told you we were gonna run out of gas. <hr width="50%"> :'''Kevin''': Uh, they were out of Chewy Chunky Glob of Fudge, so I got you an Icky Gooey Slab of Slop (instead). :'''Zidgel''': ''[disappointed]'' It's not the same. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[when Kevin pulls out a spherical robot from the paper bag]'' What's that? :'''Kevin''': Not sure, really, I got it free with my Prune Trifle burrito. :'''Jason''': ''[reading the name]'' "B-I-N-G, Beneficial Imprinting Neuralnet Gizmo." :'''Kevin''': B.I.N.G. :'''Jason''': Look, here's the button to start it. ''[presses a button on the back and a flashbulb pops out, flashing Kevin as he covers his eyes]'' Hey, you guys, check this out. :'''Fidgel''': Most interesting. I believe that B.I.N.G. has somehow imprinted on Kevin's behavior, like a newborn duckling does with the first creature it sees. <hr width="50%"> :'''Zidgel''': Looks like Kevin's got himself a new best friend. :'''Midgel''': Nothing like a best friend, I always say. I got three back home. How about you, Jason? :'''Jason''': ''[as B.I.N.G. sets him down]'' Uh, yeah, at least, I think I still do. <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rockhopper pulls up beside Professor Wordsworth's trailer and he boards before the doom funnel nearly sucks it up]'' :'''Midgel''': I can't control the ship much longer! :'''Professor Wordsworth''': But we can't just leave! This is my home! What about my research? The colony? Our future survival depends on learning how to defend against the doom funnel! :'''Midgel''': Sorry, Professor, but that thing's nearly got a hold of us. We'll need to fight our way out! <hr width="50%"> :''[After saving the Space Colony Doublewide trailer park from the doom funnel, Kevin has no choice but to give B.I.N.G. to Professor Wordsworth]'' :'''Fidgel''': ''[amazed after B.I.N.G. imprints the professor's behavior]'' Fascinating! Now B.I.N.G. is imprinted on the professor. :'''Professor Wordsworth''': This is most kind of you, Kevin. We shall forever remember your act of goodness. Now then, B.I.N.G., shall we see what we can do to spruce things up a bit before everyone returns? :'''Kevin''': Goodbye, B.I.N.G. I won't forget you. :'''Zidgel''': Did I miss something? Seems to me we're down one robot in the deal. :'''Jason''': Kevin just realized that it was wrong to keep B.I.N.G. to himself when he had a chance to do good for the professor and the whole colony. "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act." <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[writing a letter to Trevor in return; voice-over] And just today, I found this really excellent mouse named Preston. Well, guess that's about it. Glad you're having a great summer, too. As someone I know once said, "Ain't nothing like a best friend." Oh, (and) in case you're a little homesick, here's something to help cheer you up. Maybe next year, we can try to break our record on that coaster. Signed, your best bud, Jason.'' :''[Later that night… Jason and Michelle are saying their prayers before going to bed]'' :'''Grandmum''': Nighty-night, cupcakes. Time to say your prayers. :'''Jason & Michelle''': Dear God… :'''Michelle''': Please bless Grandmum and keep my Mommy and Daddy safe on their trip. :'''Jason''': And thank you for teaching me the importance of doing good things for people whenever I have the chance. And please watch over Preston. He's a really great mouse. :'''Michelle''': Even if he did eat the bridal bouquet. :'''Jason & Michelle''': Amen. ===''Moon Menace on Planet Tell-a-Lie!''=== :'''Grandmum''': Like the Good Book says, "Lies will get any man into trouble, but honesty is its own defense." ==Season 2 (2007-2008)== ===''I Scream, You Scream!''=== :'''Sol''': Like the Good Book says, "Those who have knowledge use words with restraint, and those who are understanding are even tempered." Now that means the more you know, the less you get angry. And that's good. Anger just makes you lose control and he end up accusing others wrongly. :'''Jason''': He talks like Grandmum. <hr width="50%"> :'''Admiral Strap''': ''[on speaker] Penguins! Come in, penguins!'' :'''Zidgel''': Admiral Strap, sir! ''[salutes]'' :'''Michelle''': Uh, who's that? :'''Fidgel''': That's Admiral Strap. Our commander at Federation HQ. <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rockhopper arrives at Grandmum's cottage in the attic, preparing to send Jason and Michelle back]'' :'''Zigel''': Well, until next time, cadets! :'''Midgel''': G'bye, mates! :'''Jason & Michelle''': Goodbye! :''[As Fidgel fires the galeezle, the claw pops out and falls on the floor, covered in gum]'' :'''Michelle''': Oh, no, what happened? :'''Jason''': What happened?! Can't you see? The thing's broken! :'''Michelle''': How? :'''Fidgel''': ''[examines the gum]'' Hmm… Corn syrup, soy lecithin, and titanium dioxide, if I'm not very much mistaken. A construct otherwise known as… :'''Jason''': Hubby chubby bubble gum! Oh, no! ''[angrily points to Michelle]'' It was ''you!'' You must have spit it out when the galeezle pulled us in! :'''Michelle''': I wasn't the only one with hubby chubby! You were chewing it too! :'''Jason''': I swallowed mine! :'''Michelle''': Well, I didn't do it! You must have done it! :'''Jason''': I didn't do it! ''You'' did! :'''Michelle''': No, ''you'' did! :'''Zidgel''': Ah, ah! Temper, temper. Here we go, accusing each other again! Remember what old Sol told us: not smart without all the facts. :'''Jason''': Well, the fact ''is'' we aren't going to be able to get back to Grandmum's and it's all Michelle's fault! :'''Michelle''': Can you fix it, Fidgel? :'''Fidgel''': Well, um…it's not…Well, I can try. :'''Jason''': "Try?!" Oh, no! We're going to stay this size? I'm only as big as my little finger! :'''Michelle''': Can you make it work again? :'''Fidgel''': ''[pulls out a small, burned out device covered in gum]'' This is what makes it work. The metric magnetic matter disperser. The only one in existence as far as I know! Without this, the galeezle is useless! I fear the bubble gum has burnt it out. <hr width="50%"> :'''Fidgel''': Jason, Michelle, would you like a sandwich? :'''Jason''': ''[disappointed about not getting back to Grandmum's cottage]'' No. I just want Grandmum's cocoa. :'''Michelle''': I thought you weren't talking to me. :'''Jason''': I ''wasn't'' talking to you, you galeezle breaker! :'''Michelle''': I didn't break it. ''You'' did! Your gum must've come out when you were screaming like a baby. :'''Jason''': ''[infuriated]'' Screaming like a baby?! :'''Michelle''': Yes, you always scream like a baby when galeezled into the ship! :'''Zidgel''': ''[enters the main room after taking a shower with his hair all droopy; angrily accusing Kevin]'' KEVIN! YOU'VE BEEN INTO MY SHAMPOO AGAIN! :'''Midgel''': Calm down, captain. :'''Zidgel''': Calm down? Calm down?! ''[to Kevin]'' Listen to me! "Ridiculous proportions shampoo" is shampoo! Do you hear me? ''Shampoo!'' But you always use it as a body wash! A ''body wash!'' Do you know how much ''body'' you have to wash?! :''[Kevin reacts with confusion]'' :'''Midgel''': Now, wait just a minute, captain. Didn't you say earlier that we shouldn't be too quick to accuse each other? ''[gasps in shock when he sees his Boomerangutan poster on the table; accusing Fidgel in outrage]'' Doc! Doc! What have you done to my poster?! :'''Fidgel''': I-I just needed something to protect the table. :'''Midgel''': ''[frustrated]'' Do you know how much this is worth?! It was from the last tour of the Boomerangutans! :'''Fidgel''': ''[retorting]'' Well, if you wouldn't leave your quarters in such a mess, how am I to know what's rare and what's rubbish? :''[Jason and Michelle cover their ears, trying to block out the arguing]'' :'''Jason''': Nice going, Michelle! :'''Michelle''': What?! Now you're blaming ''me'' for this?! :'''Jason''': We wouldn't even be here if you hadn't broken the galeezle! ===''The Green-eyed Monster''=== ===''Lazy Daze''=== :''[The Rockhopper pulls up at the Comet Lounge]'' :'''Zidgel''': Captain's blog, we're going on a picnic. :'''Michelle''': So, what are we doing here? :'''Midgel''': Had to stop off for some supplies, first. Soda pop, sandwiches, you know. :'''Fidgel''': ''[as they enter]'' Don't forget the chocolate bars and marshmallows! :'''Jason''': Oh, great! I love eating s'mores! :'''Fidgel''': Eating? Oh, no, I need them for a new fuel experiment. :'''Midgel''': Now don't take all day with your science project stuff, Doctor. We're here to get in, get supplies, and get out. No nonsense. :'''Fidgel''': I assure you, my experiments are not nonsense. :'''Midgel''': What about the time you tried to make glass invisible so you can see through it? :'''Fidgel''': Well, it worked, didn't it? <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': What's wrong with being lazy? :'''Sol''': Well, just think, if I didn't work around here, nobody would get served, dirty dishes would pile up. Pretty soon the whole place would stink! :'''Michelle''': Like Jason's room! :'''Sol''': ''[chuckles]'' Old Sol says, "The lazy person wants many things, but has nothing. But the person who is diligent and hardworking, truly has it all." You want to be diligent, right, kids? :'''Jason''': Actually, the picnic sounds more fun. :'''Sol''': ''[laughs]'' I'm sure it does. You just keep an eye on those ants, you hear? :'''Jason''': We will. Is it just me, or is he weird? <hr width="50%"> :'''Fidgel''': ''[opens the storage bay, but it's all piled up with junk]'' Oh, dear me. :'''Midgel''': What's got your knickers in a knot, doc? :'''Fidgel''': Well, I'm scheduled to run a diagnostic test on the Harryhausen ray, but it's in the back of this storage bay, and I can't get to it. :'''Midgel''': Harryhausen ray? What's that? :'''Fidgel''': Oh, it's simply a device that halts movement on a molecular level. :'''Midgel''': ''[not understanding]'' In the Queen's English, Fidge. :'''Fidgel''': Yes. It stops action, freezes things in time and space. :'''Midgel''': Classic. But it looks like you could use some help. :'''Fidgel''': Oh, why thank you. :'''Midgel''': If I see anyone available, I'll send 'em round. :'''Fidgel''': ''[enters Jason's room, finding him laying lazily on his bed]'' Hello, Jason. I hear you're looking to earn some extra money for sea chimps? :'''Jason''': Yeah! :'''Fidgel''': Well, the storage bay is in a bit of a mess. What say I hire you to clean it? :'''Jason''': Hire? You mean like a job? I'm kinda busy. Maybe later. Uh, doc? Turn the page for me. I can't reach. ===''More Is More''=== ===''Give and Let Give''=== :'''Jason''': ''[enters Michelle's room while following the smelling scent and spots a cupcake on the table, tries to eat it, but Michelle swipes it from him]'' Let me have a cupcake. I'll tell Grandmum you've learned your lesson when we get back. :'''Michelle''': No. ''I'' made them, I say who gets one. :'''Jason''': (Oh, I get it.) You won't give me one because you're still mad about play-ser tag. :'''Michelle''': Yeah, it was no fair. I was sick of being it. :'''Jason''': At least I shared with you. :'''Michelle''': You gave me the broken one. :'''Jason''': This one? It's a new invention. Fidgel even said it didn't work right. ''[turns on the device and a straight and spiral beam fires and goes around the room until it reaches him]'' :'''Michelle''': No thanks, that thing is a play-ser tag magnet. Wherever I hid in the room, that beam would find me. I was it the whole time! :'''Jason''': Fine, but it's not ''my'' fault it doesn't work. Keep your stale old cupcakes. ''[leaves the room in a huff]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': ''[as Kevin sticks his head in the sand]'' What do you think you're doing? :'''Kevin''': Looking for water. <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': Fidge, give me your spectrometer. :'''Fidgel''': What for? :'''Midgel''': I wanna try something. :'''Fidget''': No, you'll break it. :'''Midgel''': What? :'''Michelle''': Can't he borrow it for a moment? He might be able to get us free. :'''Fidgel''': No, he's ''never'' careful with my things. It's a delicate device. :'''Michelle''': But, doctor, what about Sol's cookie? What about sharing? :'''Fidgel''': Well, what do you want it for, anyway? :'''Midgel''': I need to get back to the ship to get a fix on the pump, so you can find it, override the signal, and turn it back on. :'''Michelle''': Please? This is no time to be stingy. :'''Fidgel''': ''[reluctantly]'' Don't get any sand in it. :'''Midgel''': Thank you. I'll head to the ship. You look around here, keep your communicator on. <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': Fidgel, come in! Do you read me? :'''Fidgel''': Well, it's about time. They've got the captain trussed up like a Christmas package. :'''Midgel''': That's not good, I mean, unless it actually was Christmas. ===''Practical Hoax''=== :'''Zidgel''': You're getting the seat wet, Michelle. :'''Michelle''': You can thank Jason (for that). :'''Zidgel''': Oh, thank you, Jason. ===''Comedy of Errors''=== ===''Compassion Crashin'''=== ===''Wiki Tiki''=== :'''Grandmum''': Michelle, is this the way I've taught you to rinse the dishes? :'''Michelle''': ''[sees the sink overflowing; alarmed]'' Oh, no! ''[quickly turns it off and places a towel on the wet floor]'' :'''Grandmum''': And, Jason, you didn't replace the plastic liner in this trash can. :'''Jason''': Sorry, Grandmum, I'll go get it right now. :'''Michelle''': I guess I was in too big a hurry. I'm sorry. :'''Grandmum''': Remember what the Good Book says, "Enthusiasm without knowledge is ''no'' good. Haste makes mistakes." :'''Jason''': Is that a real proverb? :'''Grandmum''': It jolly well is. Take the time to listen and do it right the first time. :'''Jason''': Like the trash liner. I'm on it. :'''Grandmum''': You'll just make a mess if you rush. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': Now where's that spaceship? It was right here! :'''Michelle''': Jason, you heard Grandmum. We got to put the clean sheets on our beds. :'''Jason''': I did. :'''Michelle''': ''[sternly]'' Jason. :'''Jason''': It's fine. I'll make the bed later. ''[Midgel galeezles both him and Michelle into the Rockhopper]'' Whoa, definitely later. :'''Michelle''': Hey, thanks, Midgel. Where is everybody? :'''Midgel''': Sorry, Michelle, no time for chit chat, we got to get going. ''[The kids are strapped to their seats and buckle up]'' The others are at the Comet Lounge making sure Sol doesn't run out of the afternoon special. :'''Jason and Michelle''': Sol's Aurora Borealis fruit punch! :'''Jason''': What are we waiting for?! :'''Jason, Michelle, and Midgel''': BONSAI! <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rockhopper arrives at the Comet Lounge and Jason, Michelle, and Midgel enter where the rest of the crew are already there]'' :'''Midgel''': Where's the Aurora Borealis punch? :'''Fidgel''': Sol hasn't lit the sign, yet. :'''Midgel''': Whew. I'd hate to miss the Aurora Borealis. Best fruit punch in the galaxy. :'''Fidgel''': Hey, I was in line first. :'''Zidgel''': Captains first, then everyone else. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': You were right, Michelle. We didn't take our time and we made mistakes. :'''Michelle''': Captain Zidgel? Jason and I have realized something. :'''Zidgel''': Can't stop it. Tried everything. :'''Jason''': Captain, we ''have'' tried everything, except listening. :'''Zidgel''': Listening? What do you mean? :'''Michelle''': Grandmum told us, enthusiasm without knowledge is no good. :'''Jason''': And haste makes mistakes. :'''Zidgel''': Translated, means…is this a tongue twister? :'''Fidgel''': Wait, I think I know. Rushing to do things in your own enthusiasm instead of taking time to understand and think causes problems. :'''Midgel''': Cuz you'll just make a mess if you hurry. :'''Kevin''': Yeah, big mess. :'''Jason''': Right, we've been in such a hurry to get back to the Comet Lounge for Sol's aurora borealis fruit punch-- :'''Michelle''': That we've been running with the first ideas that popped into our heads. Nobody listened to the tiki king. ===''Invasion of the Body Swappers!''=== :'''Midgel''': Hey, Mish, everything all right? :'''Michelle''': Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Midgel, do you, do you think I'm pretty? :'''Midgel''': What? ''[nervously laughs]'' Well, to tell you the truth, Michelle, I really don't know much about that sort of thing. To me, the prettiest thing in the world is the Rockhopper. She's a beaut, she is. :'''Fidgel''': ''[tweaking the galeezle as Michelle enters the main room]'' Oh, hello, dear. I've been tweaking the galeezle device. Would you like to help me? :'''Michelle''': Fidgel, do you think I'm pretty? :'''Fidgel''': Pretty? Uh, well, pretty is as pretty does, as my mom always used to say. ''[pulls out a photo of his mother]'' Ah, Mum was the prettiest woman in the world. ===''Git Along Little Doggies!''=== ===''Wise Guys''=== :'''Grandmum''': The Good Book says, "Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end, you will be wise." :'''Michelle''': You? Wise? Not likely. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[as his sister, Midgel, Fidgel, and Kevin all glare annoyingly at him]'' No, that was not my fault. It was the lousy time machine. It didn't even work! :'''Michelle''': Or maybe you didn't listen to any advice! :''[They hear the sounds of laughing and coughing and see two elderly penguins sitting in rocking chairs, but it turns out, they're the future versions of Midgel and Fidgel]'' :'''Future Midgel''': Looks like they didn't get the transmission. :'''Future Fidgel''': And I dare say Jason ignored our warnings about the time machine. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': This is fantastic! :'''Midgel''': Exactly how is this fantastic, Jason? :'''Jason''': ''[to Fidgel]'' Your time machine worked! We're in the future! This is the neatest thing ever! :'''Fidgel''': Not to dampen your enthusiasm, young man, but our situation is, in fact, quite dire. :'''Jason''': What do you mean? :'''Midgel''': Our ship's destroyed, who knows how much the time machine's been damaged? Jason, face the facts. :'''Future Midgel''': The odds are, you and your sister are stuck here with us, '''''forever.''''' :'''Jason''': ''[horrified] '''NO!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"> :'''Michelle''': Kevin's getting '''''younger!''''' ===''Hogs and Kisses''=== :''[The Lizard King finds Jason in the back of his truck when he tries to run away]'' :'''Lizard King''': Great Bullamanka! A human ice pop! What are you doin' in there? :'''Jason''': ''[shivering from the cold]'' R-r-running away? :'''Lizard King''': Not on board my ship, you don't. No stowaways. I got a firm rule against such things. ''[pulls him out of the cargo hold; recognizing him]'' Wait a minute, I know you! You're the mate aboard the Rockhopper, under Captain Zidgel. :'''Jason''': P-p-please. You gotta let me stay. I-I can't go back there. :'''Lizard King''': Why not? :'''Jason''': They say things that hurt my feelings... supposed to be helpful. :'''Lizard King''': Oh, it's like that, is it? Always telling you what to do, eh? Giving you orders, do this, do that. Making you feel bad by saying things you don't wanna hear, eh mate? :'''Jason''': Yeah! :'''Lizard King''': Ha! Get over it! You're a shipmate. Taking orders is what you do. Whatever they're telling you is probably for your own good. ==Season 3 (2008)== ===''12 Angry Hens''=== ===''Kennel Club Blues''=== ===''Oh, Mercy!''=== ===''Promises, Promises, Promises''=== ===''Do Unto Brothers''=== ===''Between an Asteroid and a Hard Place''=== ===''In the Big House''=== == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's animated space adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American preschool education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:Flash animated TV shows]] [[Category:TV shows about penguins]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Qubo shows]] eytt7s8jn7kbiygr60suy0wch78abyd 3949238 3949193 2026-06-05T15:04:11Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949238 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:3-2-1 Penguins!|3-2-1 Penguins!]]''''' (2000-2003, 2006-2008) is an American [[sci-fi]]/fantasy/adventure/comedy/space opera 3D CGI animated Christian preschool educational series that follows the two 5-year old twin siblings, Jason T. Conrad, and his little twin sister, Michelle Frances Conrad, who are spending the summer with their grandmother at their grandparent's cottage in the The Poconos region of Pennsylvania. They're also pulled into a rocket ship of a troop of four penguins as they're taken on a galactic adventure. The show was aimed at preschoolers, and from ages 4 to 7, but had scenes, for adults, from ages 19 to 22, which were very terrifying, and scary, including strongest violence. ==Season 1 (2000-2003)== ===''Trouble on Planet Wait-Your-Turn''=== :''[First lines; The Conrad family are driving in the Poconos region of Pennsylvania to drop off their kids, Jason and Michelle, at Grandmum's cottage for the summer]'' :'''Jason''': ''[as Michelle's doll's shoe hits him on the side of his head on purpose; getting very angry]'' Mommy!!! she did that again!!! :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Michelle, come on, we're almost there. Apologize to your big brother. :'''Michelle''': I'm sorry, Jason. :'''Mrs. Conrad''': I hope you two don't act this way while you're at Grandmum's. :'''Michelle''': ''[excited]'' Yay, Grandmum's cottage! :'''Jason''': Yay, Grandmum's cottage. You know, Trevor's at Space Camp right now. :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Jason, you'll get to go to Space Camp after Grandmum's cottage. You're just going to need to be patient. :'''Michelle''': I just love Grandmum's cottage! Are we almost there? :'''Mr. Conrad''': You should know where we are, cupcake, unless you aren't wearing your glasses again. ''[the car pulls up in front of the cottage]'' Hey, hey, hey! We're here! :'''Grandmum''': ''[walks out of the door and to the car; excitedly]'' Hello, sweeties! How's my two favorite twin pumpkins? :'''Michelle''': ''[in unison]'' Hi, Grandma. :'''Jason''': ''[in unison]'' Hi, Grandma. :'''Grandmum''': Oh, that's ''Grandmum'' to you, you little bugs! :'''Mr. Conrad''': Oh, you kids are gonna like it here. Your grandpa finished this place when I was about your age. :'''Grandmum''': That's right. Built the whole place himself, he did. Quite a man, your grandpop. ''[gets a hug from Michelle]'' Oh! Goodness, now, which one are you, then? :'''Michelle''': We're not identical twins, Grandmum. :'''Jason''': Thank goodness. :'''Michelle''': Just remember, I'm the sweetest one. :'''Jason''': And I'm the one who's supposed to be at Space Camp. ''[gets out of the car]'' :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Okay, that's everything. I'm afraid we have to run or we'll miss our flight. :'''Mr. Conrad''': Thanks for watching the kids, Mom. Jason and Michelle, we'll call you when we get there. :'''Grandmum''': Have a good trip. And don't you worry about these two, they'll be just fine here. No better place for kids, you know. :'''Mr. Conrad''': That's right. :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Bye-bye, sweethearts, we love you! Be good for your grandmum. :'''Mr. Conrad''': And have fun! :'''Grandmum''': Come on, pumpkins! You can give me a hand with supper. :'''Michelle''': Goodbye! :'''Mr. & Mrs. Conrad''': Bye. :'''Jason''': Bye. :''[The car starts pulling away but comes back after a few seconds]'' :'''Mr. Conrad''': Jason, your mom and I know you'd rather be at Space Camp right now, so we got you and Michelle something that might make the time go faster. Now, be sure you take turns with your sister. We'll call you for tonight, bud. <hr width="50%"> :''[While Jason plays with the Rockhopper and Michelle looks through a telescope in the attic, the ship magically comes to life and Jason meets the penguin troops for the first time]'' :'''Zidgel''': Jason T. Conrad. We need your help! :'''Jason''': You're, you're alive! :'''Midgel''': Of course we are, kid. It's much easier to do our jobs that way. :'''Zidgel''': Get in here, Jason. The galaxy waits for no man! :'''Jason''': What? I can't. I'm too big. :'''Zidgel''': Ah, too big, too big. When I was your size, I was ''twice'' your size. ''[to Fidgel]'' Dr. Fidgel, galeezle him. :'''Fidgel''': Yes, right away. ''[fires the galeezle and a big claw comes out of the ship, grabbing Jason]'' :'''Jason''': Hey! ''[gets reeled into the ship]'' I… I… I can't believe you guys are alive. :'''Zidgel''': Of course we are. :'''Midgel''': Either that or you're daydreaming. :'''Fidgel''': That's true. Sensors indicate that he ''could'' be daydreaming. :'''Midgel''': But no time for small talk now, we've got work to do. :'''Jason''': What about my sister? Is she coming? :'''Zidgel''': Don't worry, she'll get her chance. But right now, ''you're'' the one that we need. <hr width="50%"> :'''Zigel''': Okay, boys, I think it's time we briefed our new cadet. Now, listen up. I am Captain Zidgel. This is my ship. Over here, we have Dr. Fidgel. :'''Fidgel''': How do you do? :'''Zidgel''': This is the ship's pilot and engineer, First Officer Midgel. And, um, ''[clears throat]'' that's, uh, Kevin. :'''Kevin''': ''[vacuuming]'' Pleasure. :'''Jason''': What does he do? :''[Kevin gets his head sucked into the hose]'' :'''Zidgel''': Mostly, he just does that. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': Penguins, we have to get out of here! The cutting-in-line bug is infecting us too! :'''Midgel''': Nonsense! But if it is, it infected me first. :'''Fidgel''': No, I was first. :'''Kevin''': Me! Me! :'''Zidgel''': You're all being ridiculous! I wanted to cut in front of you hours ago. :'''Jason''': People! Don't you understand what happens when you get too close to the sun?! You'll '''''burn up!''''' <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': We're all gonna die if we keep this up! :'''Midgel''': He could be right! :'''Zidgel''': Or it could be a clever scam so that he could go first! :'''Jason''': Wait! Listen to me! We need to learn to wait our turns. To let someone else go first now and then. It's called patience. It's a virtue. :'''Zidgel''': I couldn't agree more! That's why you should wait your turn! :'''Jason''': No, no. Oh, what was that verse? Um, "A patient man has great understanding, but a quick tempered man displays folly." :'''Vacuum Cleaner''': ''[confused]'' What's folly? :'''Jason''': Foolishness. Trouble. Having to go first all the time only leads to trouble, like getting burned up by the sun! Now, the consequences are not always so extreme, but good things come to those who wait. :'''Zidgel''': So, what do we do? :'''Jason''': ''[gets an idea; politely]'' After you. ===''The Cheating Scales of Bullamanka''=== :'''Grandmum''': ''[teaching Michelle the importance of cheating]'' You know what the Good Book says about cheating, don't you? "The Lord hates cheating scales, but accurate weights are his delight." <hr width="50%"> :''[Michelle meets the penguin troops for the first time as the Rockhopper comes to life]'' :'''Zidgel''': Michelle Francis Conrad. :'''Michelle''': ''[calling for Jason, thinking it's for him]'' Uh, Jason? It's for you. :'''Zidgel''': Not so fast! ''You're'' the one we need, this time. :'''Michelle''': Jason's right. You guys ''are'' alive. :'''Midgel''': Either that or you're daydreaming. :'''Kevin''': Whoa, déjà vu. :'''Zidgel''': Dr. Fidgel, galeezle her. :'''Fidgel''': Right away, captain. :'''Midgel''': Hang on. :''[Fidgel fires the galeezle and the claw pops out of the ship, grabbing Michelle]'' :'''Michelle''': Wait! :'''Fidgel''': ''[reels her in aboard the ship]'' Amazing, an exact duplicate of your brother, only with pigtails! :'''Michelle''': We're, we're not identical twins, we're just the same age. ===''The Amazing Carnival of Complaining''=== :'''Michelle''': What's the matter, Jason? Are you bored? ''[Jason growls in annoyance]'' Too bad the video game's busted, huh? :'''Jason''': As a matter of fact, it is too bad, because I'm bored out of my brain! There's absolutely ''nothing'' to do up here! Why can't I be having fun at Space Camp like Trevor instead of eating weird grapes and thumb wrestling myself because the only other possible thing to do is plant pumpkins or stare at the wall?! Oh, that gives me an idea, I think I'll ''stare'' at the wall! :'''Michelle''': Touché. :'''Grandmum''': Heavens above! That's no way to look at things, is it? You do know what it says about complaining in the Bible, don't you? "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure. Children of God without fault in this crooked world in which you shine like stars in the universe." You know, Jason, if you can't control your complaining, it'll spread to everyone around you, and you'll be a seed of discontent. So, which will it be, a grumpy seed, or a shining star? We will be outside if you change your mind. Come along, Michelle. ''[she and her granddaughter head outside the garden]'' :'''Jason''': Why would anyone want grapes with seeds? ===''Runaway Pride at Lightstation Kilowatt''=== ===''The Doom Funnel Rescue!''=== :''[A mail truck drops off some mail at Grandmum's cottage and drives away]'' :'''Jason & Michelle''': ''[run out the front door]'' Mail! :'''Jason''': Race ya. :'''Michelle''': Well… okay! ''[runs to the mailbox]'' :'''Jason''': Hey, no fair! Michelle, come on! :'''Michelle''': ''[opens the mailbox]'' What's the matter? It's just the mail. :'''Jason''': Come on, I'm desperate! If I don't hear something from the outside world soon, I'm gonna crack! :'''Michelle''': Well…let's just see what the postman's brought. Could this be for you? Oh, no, I guess not. But ooh! Here's an exciting opportunity to refund your home at today's low rate. :'''Jason''': Michelle… :'''Michelle''': You know, it's never too early to start planning for your retirement. :'''Jason''': That does it. Prepare to--rarrr! ''[starts chasing her around]'' :'''Michelle''': Hey, Jason! :'''Jason''': Come on, hand it over! :'''Michelle''': Cut it out! :'''Jason''': It's no use resisting. :'''Grandmum''': Goodness, muffins, what's all this? :'''Jason''': Michelle won't let me see the mail. :'''Grandmum''': Now, now, Michelle, what is it the Good Book says? Oh, yes! "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act." I suppose that goes for the mail as well. :'''Michelle''': I was gonna give it to him eventually. :'''Grandmum''': Let's see, bills, bills, some lovely coupons, a card for Michelle, oh! And here's a nice letter for Jason. :'''Jason''': For me? Hey, it's from Trevor! ''[takes out a photo of Trevor on the anti-gravity simulator]'' Look, here's a picture of him on the anti-gravity simulator. :'''Michelle''': Personally, I never understood why a bunch of kids would wait in line just to get nauseous. :'''Grandmum''': Well, come along, bugs. We'll all read our mail over some delicious prune trifle. :'''Jason''': Yeah, here we can get nauseous without the weight. <hr width="50%"> :''[Jason lays on the couch reading Trevor's letter to him]'' :'''Trevor''': ''[voice-over] And being weightless was very neat. Friday, we learned all about space storms. Rocket science is a real blast. Get it? Ha, ha. Hey, remember that day we went to Astroland and rode on the Twister 28 times in a row? Nobody can take centrifugal force like you and me, right? I really wish you were here. Stuff's always more fun when you're around. Well, I gotta go meet John Glenn. Write soon, and tell me all the exciting things you've been doing. Your pal, Trevor.'' :'''Michelle''': Grandmum, the sink's leaking again! :'''Grandmum''': Well, we'll fix it up in a jiffy. Just need to find my supply of duct tape. ''[enters the living room, holding a roll of duct tape]'' Nice of Trevor to write you, wasn't it? I'm sure he misses you a lot. :'''Jason''': Yeah, I can tell. :'''Grandmum''': You should write him back right away. I'll bet he'd love hearing from you. You can tell him all about what you've been doing. :'''Michelle''': ''[coming down the stairs]'' Good idea! There was that one paperclip chain you made, and helping Grandmum put on her hair net, and that awful morning we, uh, ran out of toast. :'''Grandmum''': Woah, don't like to think about that too much. :'''Jason''': ''[sits up and gets off the couch]'' Well, I'm sure Trevor is having too much fun to bother reading any letter from me. :'''Grandmum''': You know, love, he might be a little homesick. Hearing from you could be just what the doctor ordered. :'''Jason''': Yeah, I think I'll just go upstairs. :'''Grandmum''': I'm sure you'll do the right thing, dear. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[holding up the Rockhopper with Preston in it]'' All systems are go for Captain Preston of the Space Mouse Patrol! As the mighty ship prepares to launch! Three, two… ''[Preston jumps out of the ship]'' Preston! ''[tries to catch him, but trips and falls on the floor]'' :''[Preston lands on top of the ship as it soars to life]'' :'''Zidgel''': 40 foot rodent! ''[Midgel presses a button, opening the dome and catapulting Preston off the ship; calling out to Jason while he tries to look for Preston]'' Cadet Jason T. Conrad, report for duty immediately! :'''Jason''': Huh? Oh, sure. Just give me a minute. I gotta find Preston. :'''Zidgel''': No time (for that), cadet! We have an urgent mission in the Zembroid counstol? C-c-cancel? Calcul? Cornsep... whatever, it's that way. :'''Jason''': Okay, but could you wait? :'''Zidgel''': Dr. Fidgel, galeezle him. :''[Fidgel fires the galeezle and pulls Jason into the ship]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Zigel''': ''[showing a presentation of his baby pictures on the big screen]'' As you can see from these photos, I was strikingly handsome even as an infant. Now here's one with me on my mommy's lap. Oh, here I am looking adorable! And, ooh, there's my old high chair! :'''Jason''': Uh, captain, the mission? :'''Fidgel''': We are headed for Space Colony Doublewide. It's interstellar cyclonic doom funnel season there. And our cargo is their supply of emergency duct tape. :'''Jason''': Emergency duct tape? :'''Fidgel''': Yes, it's for lashing space colony modules together. Otherwise, they slip their moorings, and those fragile trailers bash each other in the high winds, until they're splintered into smithereens. If we don't get it there in time, the entire population is done for! <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': ''[checks the fuel gauge, noticing the ship's fuel is nearly empty]'' Empty. We're running on fumes. You told me you prepared everything for the mission! :'''Zidgel''': Of course! And here it is! Styling gel, mousse, conditioner. :'''Midgel''': But what about gas? You said you got gas. :'''Zidgel''': And I did! But I'm feeling much better now, thank you. :'''Midgel''': ''[snapping irately]'' I meant rocket fuel! :'''Zidgel''': Oh. :'''Jason''': Uh, guys, wouldn't it be a good idea to get some more fuel quick before we ''totally'' run out? <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': ''[after the Rockhopper arrives at the gas station that is two cents cheaper as it completely runs out of fuel]'' Whew. Down to the last drop. ''[looks back at the crew, all frightened]'' What? I told you we were gonna run out of gas. <hr width="50%"> :'''Kevin''': Uh, they were out of Chewy Chunky Glob of Fudge, so I got you an Icky Gooey Slab of Slop (instead). :'''Zidgel''': ''[disappointed]'' It's not the same. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[when Kevin pulls out a spherical robot from the paper bag]'' What's that? :'''Kevin''': Not sure, really, I got it free with my Prune Trifle burrito. :'''Jason''': ''[reading the name]'' "B-I-N-G, Beneficial Imprinting Neuralnet Gizmo." :'''Kevin''': B.I.N.G. :'''Jason''': Look, here's the button to start it. ''[presses a button on the back and a flashbulb pops out, flashing Kevin as he covers his eyes]'' Hey, you guys, check this out. :'''Fidgel''': Most interesting. I believe that B.I.N.G. has somehow imprinted on Kevin's behavior, like a newborn duckling does with the first creature it sees. <hr width="50%"> :'''Zidgel''': Looks like Kevin's got himself a new best friend. :'''Midgel''': Nothing like a best friend, I always say. I got three back home. How about you, Jason? :'''Jason''': ''[as B.I.N.G. sets him down]'' Uh, yeah, at least, I think I still do. <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rockhopper pulls up beside Professor Wordsworth's trailer and he boards before the doom funnel nearly sucks it up]'' :'''Midgel''': I can't control the ship much longer! :'''Professor Wordsworth''': But we can't just leave! This is my home! What about my research? The colony? Our future survival depends on learning how to defend against the doom funnel! :'''Midgel''': Sorry, Professor, but that thing's nearly got a hold of us. We'll need to fight our way out! <hr width="50%"> :''[After saving the Space Colony Doublewide trailer park from the doom funnel, Kevin has no choice but to give B.I.N.G. to Professor Wordsworth]'' :'''Fidgel''': ''[amazed after B.I.N.G. imprints the professor's behavior]'' Fascinating! Now B.I.N.G. is imprinted on the professor. :'''Professor Wordsworth''': This is most kind of you, Kevin. We shall forever remember your act of goodness. Now then, B.I.N.G., shall we see what we can do to spruce things up a bit before everyone returns? :'''Kevin''': Goodbye, B.I.N.G. I won't forget you. :'''Zidgel''': Did I miss something? Seems to me we're down one robot in the deal. :'''Jason''': Kevin just realized that it was wrong to keep B.I.N.G. to himself when he had a chance to do good for the professor and the whole colony. "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act." <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[writing a letter to Trevor in return; voice-over] And just today, I found this really excellent mouse named Preston. Well, guess that's about it. Glad you're having a great summer, too. As someone I know once said, "Ain't nothing like a best friend." Oh, (and) in case you're a little homesick, here's something to help cheer you up. Maybe next year, we can try to break our record on that coaster. Signed, your best bud, Jason.'' :''[Later that night… Jason and Michelle are saying their prayers before going to bed]'' :'''Grandmum''': Nighty-night, cupcakes. Time to say your prayers. :'''Jason & Michelle''': Dear God… :'''Michelle''': Please bless Grandmum and keep my Mommy and Daddy safe on their trip. :'''Jason''': And thank you for teaching me the importance of doing good things for people whenever I have the chance. And please watch over Preston. He's a really great mouse. :'''Michelle''': Even if he did eat the bridal bouquet. :'''Jason & Michelle''': Amen. ===''Moon Menace on Planet Tell-a-Lie!''=== :'''Grandmum''': Like the Good Book says, "Lies will get any man into trouble, but honesty is its own defense." ==Season 2 (2007-2008)== ===''I Scream, You Scream!''=== :'''Sol''': Like the Good Book says, "Those who have knowledge use words with restraint, and those who are understanding are even tempered." Now that means the more you know, the less you get angry. And that's good. Anger just makes you lose control and he end up accusing others wrongly. :'''Jason''': He talks like Grandmum. <hr width="50%"> :'''Admiral Strap''': ''[on speaker] Penguins! Come in, penguins!'' :'''Zidgel''': Admiral Strap, sir! ''[salutes]'' :'''Michelle''': Uh, who's that? :'''Fidgel''': That's Admiral Strap. Our commander at Federation HQ. <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rockhopper arrives at Grandmum's cottage in the attic, preparing to send Jason and Michelle back]'' :'''Zigel''': Well, until next time, cadets! :'''Midgel''': G'bye, mates! :'''Jason & Michelle''': Goodbye! :''[As Fidgel fires the galeezle, the claw pops out and falls on the floor, covered in gum]'' :'''Michelle''': Oh, no, what happened? :'''Jason''': What happened?! Can't you see? The thing's broken! :'''Michelle''': How? :'''Fidgel''': ''[examines the gum]'' Hmm… Corn syrup, soy lecithin, and titanium dioxide, if I'm not very much mistaken. A construct otherwise known as… :'''Jason''': Hubby chubby bubble gum! Oh, no! ''[angrily points to Michelle]'' It was ''you!'' You must have spit it out when the galeezle pulled us in! :'''Michelle''': I wasn't the only one with hubby chubby! You were chewing it too! :'''Jason''': I swallowed mine! :'''Michelle''': Well, I didn't do it! You must have done it! :'''Jason''': I didn't do it! ''You'' did! :'''Michelle''': No, ''you'' did! :'''Zidgel''': Ah, ah! Temper, temper. Here we go, accusing each other again! Remember what old Sol told us: not smart without all the facts. :'''Jason''': Well, the fact ''is'' we aren't going to be able to get back to Grandmum's and it's all Michelle's fault! :'''Michelle''': Can you fix it, Fidgel? :'''Fidgel''': Well, um…it's not…Well, I can try. :'''Jason''': "Try?!" Oh, no! We're going to stay this size? I'm only as big as my little finger! :'''Michelle''': Can you make it work again? :'''Fidgel''': ''[pulls out a small, burned out device covered in gum]'' This is what makes it work. The metric magnetic matter disperser. The only one in existence as far as I know! Without this, the galeezle is useless! I fear the bubble gum has burnt it out. <hr width="50%"> :'''Fidgel''': Jason, Michelle, would you like a sandwich? :'''Jason''': ''[disappointed about not getting back to Grandmum's cottage]'' No. I just want Grandmum's cocoa. :'''Michelle''': I thought you weren't talking to me. :'''Jason''': I ''wasn't'' talking to you, you galeezle breaker! :'''Michelle''': I didn't break it. ''You'' did! Your gum must've come out when you were screaming like a baby. :'''Jason''': ''[infuriated]'' Screaming like a baby?! :'''Michelle''': Yes, you always scream like a baby when galeezled into the ship! :'''Zidgel''': ''[enters the main room after taking a shower with his hair all droopy; angrily accusing Kevin]'' KEVIN! YOU'VE BEEN INTO MY SHAMPOO AGAIN! :'''Midgel''': Calm down, captain. :'''Zidgel''': Calm down? Calm down?! ''[to Kevin]'' Listen to me! "Ridiculous proportions shampoo" is shampoo! Do you hear me? ''Shampoo!'' But you always use it as a body wash! A ''body wash!'' Do you know how much ''body'' you have to wash?! :''[Kevin reacts with confusion]'' :'''Midgel''': Now, wait just a minute, captain. Didn't you say earlier that we shouldn't be too quick to accuse each other? ''[gasps in shock when he sees his Boomerangutan poster on the table; accusing Fidgel in outrage]'' Doc! Doc! What have you done to my poster?! :'''Fidgel''': I-I just needed something to protect the table. :'''Midgel''': ''[frustrated]'' Do you know how much this is worth?! It was from the last tour of the Boomerangutans! :'''Fidgel''': ''[retorting]'' Well, if you wouldn't leave your quarters in such a mess, how am I to know what's rare and what's rubbish? :''[Jason and Michelle cover their ears, trying to block out the arguing]'' :'''Jason''': Nice going, Michelle! :'''Michelle''': What?! Now you're blaming ''me'' for this?! :'''Jason''': We wouldn't even be here if you hadn't broken the galeezle! ===''The Green-eyed Monster''=== ===''Lazy Daze''=== :''[The Rockhopper pulls up at the Comet Lounge]'' :'''Zidgel''': Captain's blog, we're going on a picnic. :'''Michelle''': So, what are we doing here? :'''Midgel''': Had to stop off for some supplies, first. Soda pop, sandwiches, you know. :'''Fidgel''': ''[as they enter]'' Don't forget the chocolate bars and marshmallows! :'''Jason''': Oh, great! I love eating s'mores! :'''Fidgel''': Eating? Oh, no, I need them for a new fuel experiment. :'''Midgel''': Now don't take all day with your science project stuff, Doctor. We're here to get in, get supplies, and get out. No nonsense. :'''Fidgel''': I assure you, my experiments are not nonsense. :'''Midgel''': What about the time you tried to make glass invisible so you can see through it? :'''Fidgel''': Well, it worked, didn't it? <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': What's wrong with being lazy? :'''Sol''': Well, just think, if I didn't work around here, nobody would get served, dirty dishes would pile up. Pretty soon the whole place would stink! :'''Michelle''': Like Jason's room! :'''Sol''': ''[chuckles]'' Old Sol says, "The lazy person wants many things, but has nothing. But the person who is diligent and hardworking, truly has it all." You want to be diligent, right, kids? :'''Jason''': Actually, the picnic sounds more fun. :'''Sol''': ''[laughs]'' I'm sure it does. You just keep an eye on those ants, you hear? :'''Jason''': We will. Is it just me, or is he weird? <hr width="50%"> :'''Fidgel''': ''[opens the storage bay, but it's all piled up with junk]'' Oh, dear me. :'''Midgel''': What's got your knickers in a knot, doc? :'''Fidgel''': Well, I'm scheduled to run a diagnostic test on the Harryhausen ray, but it's in the back of this storage bay, and I can't get to it. :'''Midgel''': Harryhausen ray? What's that? :'''Fidgel''': Oh, it's simply a device that halts movement on a molecular level. :'''Midgel''': ''[not understanding]'' In the Queen's English, Fidge. :'''Fidgel''': Yes. It stops action, freezes things in time and space. :'''Midgel''': Classic. But it looks like you could use some help. :'''Fidgel''': Oh, why thank you. :'''Midgel''': If I see anyone available, I'll send 'em round. :'''Fidgel''': ''[enters Jason's room, finding him laying lazily on his bed]'' Hello, Jason. I hear you're looking to earn some extra money for sea chimps? :'''Jason''': Yeah! :'''Fidgel''': Well, the storage bay is in a bit of a mess. What say I hire you to clean it? :'''Jason''': Hire? You mean like a job? I'm kinda busy. Maybe later. Uh, doc? Turn the page for me. I can't reach. ===''More Is More''=== ===''Give and Let Give''=== :'''Jason''': ''[enters Michelle's room while following the smelling scent and spots a cupcake on the table, tries to eat it, but Michelle swipes it from him]'' Let me have a cupcake. I'll tell Grandmum you've learned your lesson when we get back. :'''Michelle''': No. ''I'' made them, I say who gets one. :'''Jason''': (Oh, I get it.) You won't give me one because you're still mad about play-ser tag. :'''Michelle''': Yeah, it was no fair. I was sick of being it. :'''Jason''': At least I shared with you. :'''Michelle''': You gave me the broken one. :'''Jason''': This one? It's a new invention. Fidgel even said it didn't work right. ''[turns on the device and a straight and spiral beam fires and goes around the room until it reaches him]'' :'''Michelle''': No thanks, that thing is a play-ser tag magnet. Wherever I hid in the room, that beam would find me. I was it the whole time! :'''Jason''': Fine, but it's not ''my'' fault it doesn't work. Keep your stale old cupcakes. ''[leaves the room in a huff]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': ''[as Kevin sticks his head in the sand]'' What do you think you're doing? :'''Kevin''': Looking for water. <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': Fidge, give me your spectrometer. :'''Fidgel''': What for? :'''Midgel''': I wanna try something. :'''Fidget''': No, you'll break it. :'''Midgel''': What? :'''Michelle''': Can't he borrow it for a moment? He might be able to get us free. :'''Fidgel''': No, he's ''never'' careful with my things. It's a delicate device. :'''Michelle''': But, doctor, what about Sol's cookie? What about sharing? :'''Fidgel''': Well, what do you want it for, anyway? :'''Midgel''': I need to get back to the ship to get a fix on the pump, so you can find it, override the signal, and turn it back on. :'''Michelle''': Please? This is no time to be stingy. :'''Fidgel''': ''[reluctantly]'' Don't get any sand in it. :'''Midgel''': Thank you. I'll head to the ship. You look around here, keep your communicator on. <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': Fidgel, come in! Do you read me? :'''Fidgel''': Well, it's about time. They've got the captain trussed up like a Christmas package. :'''Midgel''': That's not good, I mean, unless it actually was Christmas. ===''Practical Hoax''=== :'''Zidgel''': You're getting the seat wet, Michelle. :'''Michelle''': You can thank Jason (for that). :'''Zidgel''': Oh, thank you, Jason. ===''Comedy of Errors''=== ===''Compassion Crashin'''=== ===''Wiki Tiki''=== :'''Grandmum''': Michelle, is this the way I've taught you to rinse the dishes? :'''Michelle''': ''[sees the sink overflowing; alarmed]'' Oh, no! ''[quickly turns it off and places a towel on the wet floor]'' :'''Grandmum''': And, Jason, you didn't replace the plastic liner in this trash can. :'''Jason''': Sorry, Grandmum, I'll go get it right now. :'''Michelle''': I guess I was in too big a hurry. I'm sorry. :'''Grandmum''': Remember what the Good Book says, "Enthusiasm without knowledge is ''no'' good. Haste makes mistakes." :'''Jason''': Is that a real proverb? :'''Grandmum''': It jolly well is. Take the time to listen and do it right the first time. :'''Jason''': Like the trash liner. I'm on it. :'''Grandmum''': You'll just make a mess if you rush. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': Now where's that spaceship? It was right here! :'''Michelle''': Jason, you heard Grandmum. We got to put the clean sheets on our beds. :'''Jason''': I did. :'''Michelle''': ''[sternly]'' Jason. :'''Jason''': It's fine. I'll make the bed later. ''[Midgel galeezles both him and Michelle into the Rockhopper]'' Whoa, definitely later. :'''Michelle''': Hey, thanks, Midgel. Where is everybody? :'''Midgel''': Sorry, Michelle, no time for chit chat, we got to get going. ''[The kids are strapped to their seats and buckle up]'' The others are at the Comet Lounge making sure Sol doesn't run out of the afternoon special. :'''Jason and Michelle''': Sol's Aurora Borealis fruit punch! :'''Jason''': What are we waiting for?! :'''Jason, Michelle, and Midgel''': BONSAI! <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rockhopper arrives at the Comet Lounge and Jason, Michelle, and Midgel enter where the rest of the crew are already there]'' :'''Midgel''': Where's the Aurora Borealis punch? :'''Fidgel''': Sol hasn't lit the sign, yet. :'''Midgel''': Whew. I'd hate to miss the Aurora Borealis. Best fruit punch in the galaxy. :'''Fidgel''': Hey, I was in line first. :'''Zidgel''': Captains first, then everyone else. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': You were right, Michelle. We didn't take our time and we made mistakes. :'''Michelle''': Captain Zidgel? Jason and I have realized something. :'''Zidgel''': Can't stop it. Tried everything. :'''Jason''': Captain, we ''have'' tried everything, except listening. :'''Zidgel''': Listening? What do you mean? :'''Michelle''': Grandmum told us, enthusiasm without knowledge is no good. :'''Jason''': And haste makes mistakes. :'''Zidgel''': Translated, means…is this a tongue twister? :'''Fidgel''': Wait, I think I know. Rushing to do things in your own enthusiasm instead of taking time to understand and think causes problems. :'''Midgel''': Cuz you'll just make a mess if you hurry. :'''Kevin''': Yeah, big mess. :'''Jason''': Right, we've been in such a hurry to get back to the Comet Lounge for Sol's aurora borealis fruit punch-- :'''Michelle''': That we've been running with the first ideas that popped into our heads. Nobody listened to the tiki king. ===''Invasion of the Body Swappers!''=== :'''Midgel''': Hey, Mish, everything all right? :'''Michelle''': Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Midgel, do you, do you think I'm pretty? :'''Midgel''': What? ''[nervously laughs]'' Well, to tell you the truth, Michelle, I really don't know much about that sort of thing. To me, the prettiest thing in the world is the Rockhopper. She's a beaut, she is. :'''Fidgel''': ''[tweaking the galeezle as Michelle enters the main room]'' Oh, hello, dear. I've been tweaking the galeezle device. Would you like to help me? :'''Michelle''': Fidgel, do you think I'm pretty? :'''Fidgel''': Pretty? Uh, well, pretty is as pretty does, as my mom always used to say. ''[pulls out a photo of his mother]'' Ah, Mum was the prettiest woman in the world. ===''Git Along Little Doggies!''=== ===''Wise Guys''=== :'''Grandmum''': The Good Book says, "Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end, you will be wise." :'''Michelle''': You? Wise? Not likely. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[as his sister, Midgel, Fidgel, and Kevin all glare annoyingly at him]'' No, that was not my fault. It was the lousy time machine. It didn't even work! :'''Michelle''': Or maybe you didn't listen to any advice! :''[They hear the sounds of laughing and coughing and see two elderly penguins sitting in rocking chairs, but it turns out, they're the future versions of Midgel and Fidgel]'' :'''Future Midgel''': Looks like they didn't get the transmission. :'''Future Fidgel''': And I dare say Jason ignored our warnings about the time machine. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': This is fantastic! :'''Midgel''': Exactly how is this fantastic, Jason? :'''Jason''': ''[to Fidgel]'' Your time machine worked! We're in the future! This is the neatest thing ever! :'''Fidgel''': Not to dampen your enthusiasm, young man, but our situation is, in fact, quite dire. :'''Jason''': What do you mean? :'''Midgel''': Our ship's destroyed, who knows how much the time machine's been damaged? Jason, face the facts. :'''Future Midgel''': The odds are, you and your sister are stuck here with us, '''''forever.''''' :'''Jason''': ''[horrified] '''NO!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"> :'''Michelle''': Kevin's getting '''''younger!''''' ===''Hogs and Kisses''=== :''[The Lizard King finds Jason in the back of his truck when he tries to run away]'' :'''Lizard King''': Great Bullamanka! A human ice pop! What are you doin' in there? :'''Jason''': ''[shivering from the cold]'' R-r-running away? :'''Lizard King''': Not on board my ship, you don't. No stowaways. I got a firm rule against such things. ''[pulls him out of the cargo hold; recognizing him]'' Wait a minute, I know you! You're the mate aboard the Rockhopper, under Captain Zidgel. :'''Jason''': P-p-please. You gotta let me stay. I-I can't go back there. :'''Lizard King''': Why not? :'''Jason''': They say things that hurt my feelings... supposed to be helpful. :'''Lizard King''': Oh, it's like that, is it? Always telling you what to do, eh? Giving you orders, do this, do that. Making you feel bad by saying things you don't wanna hear, eh mate? :'''Jason''': Yeah! :'''Lizard King''': Ha! Get over it! You're a shipmate. Taking orders is what you do. Whatever they're telling you is probably for your own good. ==Season 3 (2008)== ===''12 Angry Hens''=== ===''Kennel Club Blues''=== ===''Oh, Mercy!''=== ===''Promises, Promises, Promises''=== ===''Do Unto Brothers''=== ===''Between an Asteroid and a Hard Place''=== ===''In the Big House''=== == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's animated space adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American preschool education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:Flash animated TV shows]] [[Category:TV shows about penguins]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Qubo shows]] cnl0n3gs9n1t8rsfagstmh6ts80mnkl 3949243 3949238 2026-06-05T15:10:57Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949243 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:3-2-1 Penguins!|3-2-1 Penguins!]]''''' (2000-2003, 2006-2008) is an American [[sci-fi]]/fantasy/adventure/comedy/space opera 3D CGI animated Christian preschool educational series that follows the two 5-year old twin siblings, Jason T. Conrad, and his little twin sister, Michelle Frances Conrad, who are spending the summer with their grandmother at their grandparent's cottage in the The Poconos region of Pennsylvania. They're also pulled into a rocket ship of a troop of four penguins as they're taken on a galactic adventure. The show was aimed at kindergarteners, and from ages 4 to 7, but had scenes, for adults, from ages 19 to 22, which were very terrifying, and scary, including strongest violence. ==Season 1 (2000-2003)== ===''Trouble on Planet Wait-Your-Turn''=== :''[First lines; The Conrad family are driving in the Poconos region of Pennsylvania to drop off their kids, Jason and Michelle, at Grandmum's cottage for the summer]'' :'''Jason''': ''[as Michelle's doll's shoe hits him on the side of his head on purpose; getting very angry]'' Mommy!!! she did that again!!! :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Michelle, come on, we're almost there. Apologize to your big brother. :'''Michelle''': I'm sorry, Jason. :'''Mrs. Conrad''': I hope you two don't act this way while you're at Grandmum's. :'''Michelle''': ''[excited]'' Yay, Grandmum's cottage! :'''Jason''': Yay, Grandmum's cottage. You know, Trevor's at Space Camp right now. :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Jason, you'll get to go to Space Camp after Grandmum's cottage. You're just going to need to be patient. :'''Michelle''': I just love Grandmum's cottage! Are we almost there? :'''Mr. Conrad''': You should know where we are, cupcake, unless you aren't wearing your glasses again. ''[the car pulls up in front of the cottage]'' Hey, hey, hey! We're here! :'''Grandmum''': ''[walks out of the door and to the car; excitedly]'' Hello, sweeties! How's my two favorite twin pumpkins? :'''Michelle''': ''[in unison]'' Hi, Grandma. :'''Jason''': ''[in unison]'' Hi, Grandma. :'''Grandmum''': Oh, that's ''Grandmum'' to you, you little bugs! :'''Mr. Conrad''': Oh, you kids are gonna like it here. Your grandpa finished this place when I was about your age. :'''Grandmum''': That's right. Built the whole place himself, he did. Quite a man, your grandpop. ''[gets a hug from Michelle]'' Oh! Goodness, now, which one are you, then? :'''Michelle''': We're not identical twins, Grandmum. :'''Jason''': Thank goodness. :'''Michelle''': Just remember, I'm the sweetest one. :'''Jason''': And I'm the one who's supposed to be at Space Camp. ''[gets out of the car]'' :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Okay, that's everything. I'm afraid we have to run or we'll miss our flight. :'''Mr. Conrad''': Thanks for watching the kids, Mom. Jason and Michelle, we'll call you when we get there. :'''Grandmum''': Have a good trip. And don't you worry about these two, they'll be just fine here. No better place for kids, you know. :'''Mr. Conrad''': That's right. :'''Mrs. Conrad''': Bye-bye, sweethearts, we love you! Be good for your grandmum. :'''Mr. Conrad''': And have fun! :'''Grandmum''': Come on, pumpkins! You can give me a hand with supper. :'''Michelle''': Goodbye! :'''Mr. & Mrs. Conrad''': Bye. :'''Jason''': Bye. :''[The car starts pulling away but comes back after a few seconds]'' :'''Mr. Conrad''': Jason, your mom and I know you'd rather be at Space Camp right now, so we got you and Michelle something that might make the time go faster. Now, be sure you take turns with your sister. We'll call you for tonight, bud. <hr width="50%"> :''[While Jason plays with the Rockhopper and Michelle looks through a telescope in the attic, the ship magically comes to life and Jason meets the penguin troops for the first time]'' :'''Zidgel''': Jason T. Conrad. We need your help! :'''Jason''': You're, you're alive! :'''Midgel''': Of course we are, kid. It's much easier to do our jobs that way. :'''Zidgel''': Get in here, Jason. The galaxy waits for no man! :'''Jason''': What? I can't. I'm too big. :'''Zidgel''': Ah, too big, too big. When I was your size, I was ''twice'' your size. ''[to Fidgel]'' Dr. Fidgel, galeezle him. :'''Fidgel''': Yes, right away. ''[fires the galeezle and a big claw comes out of the ship, grabbing Jason]'' :'''Jason''': Hey! ''[gets reeled into the ship]'' I… I… I can't believe you guys are alive. :'''Zidgel''': Of course we are. :'''Midgel''': Either that or you're daydreaming. :'''Fidgel''': That's true. Sensors indicate that he ''could'' be daydreaming. :'''Midgel''': But no time for small talk now, we've got work to do. :'''Jason''': What about my sister? Is she coming? :'''Zidgel''': Don't worry, she'll get her chance. But right now, ''you're'' the one that we need. <hr width="50%"> :'''Zigel''': Okay, boys, I think it's time we briefed our new cadet. Now, listen up. I am Captain Zidgel. This is my ship. Over here, we have Dr. Fidgel. :'''Fidgel''': How do you do? :'''Zidgel''': This is the ship's pilot and engineer, First Officer Midgel. And, um, ''[clears throat]'' that's, uh, Kevin. :'''Kevin''': ''[vacuuming]'' Pleasure. :'''Jason''': What does he do? :''[Kevin gets his head sucked into the hose]'' :'''Zidgel''': Mostly, he just does that. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': Penguins, we have to get out of here! The cutting-in-line bug is infecting us too! :'''Midgel''': Nonsense! But if it is, it infected me first. :'''Fidgel''': No, I was first. :'''Kevin''': Me! Me! :'''Zidgel''': You're all being ridiculous! I wanted to cut in front of you hours ago. :'''Jason''': People! Don't you understand what happens when you get too close to the sun?! You'll '''''burn up!''''' <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': We're all gonna die if we keep this up! :'''Midgel''': He could be right! :'''Zidgel''': Or it could be a clever scam so that he could go first! :'''Jason''': Wait! Listen to me! We need to learn to wait our turns. To let someone else go first now and then. It's called patience. It's a virtue. :'''Zidgel''': I couldn't agree more! That's why you should wait your turn! :'''Jason''': No, no. Oh, what was that verse? Um, "A patient man has great understanding, but a quick tempered man displays folly." :'''Vacuum Cleaner''': ''[confused]'' What's folly? :'''Jason''': Foolishness. Trouble. Having to go first all the time only leads to trouble, like getting burned up by the sun! Now, the consequences are not always so extreme, but good things come to those who wait. :'''Zidgel''': So, what do we do? :'''Jason''': ''[gets an idea; politely]'' After you. ===''The Cheating Scales of Bullamanka''=== :'''Grandmum''': ''[teaching Michelle the importance of cheating]'' You know what the Good Book says about cheating, don't you? "The Lord hates cheating scales, but accurate weights are his delight." <hr width="50%"> :''[Michelle meets the penguin troops for the first time as the Rockhopper comes to life]'' :'''Zidgel''': Michelle Francis Conrad. :'''Michelle''': ''[calling for Jason, thinking it's for him]'' Uh, Jason? It's for you. :'''Zidgel''': Not so fast! ''You're'' the one we need, this time. :'''Michelle''': Jason's right. You guys ''are'' alive. :'''Midgel''': Either that or you're daydreaming. :'''Kevin''': Whoa, déjà vu. :'''Zidgel''': Dr. Fidgel, galeezle her. :'''Fidgel''': Right away, captain. :'''Midgel''': Hang on. :''[Fidgel fires the galeezle and the claw pops out of the ship, grabbing Michelle]'' :'''Michelle''': Wait! :'''Fidgel''': ''[reels her in aboard the ship]'' Amazing, an exact duplicate of your brother, only with pigtails! :'''Michelle''': We're, we're not identical twins, we're just the same age. ===''The Amazing Carnival of Complaining''=== :'''Michelle''': What's the matter, Jason? Are you bored? ''[Jason growls in annoyance]'' Too bad the video game's busted, huh? :'''Jason''': As a matter of fact, it is too bad, because I'm bored out of my brain! There's absolutely ''nothing'' to do up here! Why can't I be having fun at Space Camp like Trevor instead of eating weird grapes and thumb wrestling myself because the only other possible thing to do is plant pumpkins or stare at the wall?! Oh, that gives me an idea, I think I'll ''stare'' at the wall! :'''Michelle''': Touché. :'''Grandmum''': Heavens above! That's no way to look at things, is it? You do know what it says about complaining in the Bible, don't you? "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure. Children of God without fault in this crooked world in which you shine like stars in the universe." You know, Jason, if you can't control your complaining, it'll spread to everyone around you, and you'll be a seed of discontent. So, which will it be, a grumpy seed, or a shining star? We will be outside if you change your mind. Come along, Michelle. ''[she and her granddaughter head outside the garden]'' :'''Jason''': Why would anyone want grapes with seeds? ===''Runaway Pride at Lightstation Kilowatt''=== ===''The Doom Funnel Rescue!''=== :''[A mail truck drops off some mail at Grandmum's cottage and drives away]'' :'''Jason & Michelle''': ''[run out the front door]'' Mail! :'''Jason''': Race ya. :'''Michelle''': Well… okay! ''[runs to the mailbox]'' :'''Jason''': Hey, no fair! Michelle, come on! :'''Michelle''': ''[opens the mailbox]'' What's the matter? It's just the mail. :'''Jason''': Come on, I'm desperate! If I don't hear something from the outside world soon, I'm gonna crack! :'''Michelle''': Well…let's just see what the postman's brought. Could this be for you? Oh, no, I guess not. But ooh! Here's an exciting opportunity to refund your home at today's low rate. :'''Jason''': Michelle… :'''Michelle''': You know, it's never too early to start planning for your retirement. :'''Jason''': That does it. Prepare to--rarrr! ''[starts chasing her around]'' :'''Michelle''': Hey, Jason! :'''Jason''': Come on, hand it over! :'''Michelle''': Cut it out! :'''Jason''': It's no use resisting. :'''Grandmum''': Goodness, muffins, what's all this? :'''Jason''': Michelle won't let me see the mail. :'''Grandmum''': Now, now, Michelle, what is it the Good Book says? Oh, yes! "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act." I suppose that goes for the mail as well. :'''Michelle''': I was gonna give it to him eventually. :'''Grandmum''': Let's see, bills, bills, some lovely coupons, a card for Michelle, oh! And here's a nice letter for Jason. :'''Jason''': For me? Hey, it's from Trevor! ''[takes out a photo of Trevor on the anti-gravity simulator]'' Look, here's a picture of him on the anti-gravity simulator. :'''Michelle''': Personally, I never understood why a bunch of kids would wait in line just to get nauseous. :'''Grandmum''': Well, come along, bugs. We'll all read our mail over some delicious prune trifle. :'''Jason''': Yeah, here we can get nauseous without the weight. <hr width="50%"> :''[Jason lays on the couch reading Trevor's letter to him]'' :'''Trevor''': ''[voice-over] And being weightless was very neat. Friday, we learned all about space storms. Rocket science is a real blast. Get it? Ha, ha. Hey, remember that day we went to Astroland and rode on the Twister 28 times in a row? Nobody can take centrifugal force like you and me, right? I really wish you were here. Stuff's always more fun when you're around. Well, I gotta go meet John Glenn. Write soon, and tell me all the exciting things you've been doing. Your pal, Trevor.'' :'''Michelle''': Grandmum, the sink's leaking again! :'''Grandmum''': Well, we'll fix it up in a jiffy. Just need to find my supply of duct tape. ''[enters the living room, holding a roll of duct tape]'' Nice of Trevor to write you, wasn't it? I'm sure he misses you a lot. :'''Jason''': Yeah, I can tell. :'''Grandmum''': You should write him back right away. I'll bet he'd love hearing from you. You can tell him all about what you've been doing. :'''Michelle''': ''[coming down the stairs]'' Good idea! There was that one paperclip chain you made, and helping Grandmum put on her hair net, and that awful morning we, uh, ran out of toast. :'''Grandmum''': Woah, don't like to think about that too much. :'''Jason''': ''[sits up and gets off the couch]'' Well, I'm sure Trevor is having too much fun to bother reading any letter from me. :'''Grandmum''': You know, love, he might be a little homesick. Hearing from you could be just what the doctor ordered. :'''Jason''': Yeah, I think I'll just go upstairs. :'''Grandmum''': I'm sure you'll do the right thing, dear. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[holding up the Rockhopper with Preston in it]'' All systems are go for Captain Preston of the Space Mouse Patrol! As the mighty ship prepares to launch! Three, two… ''[Preston jumps out of the ship]'' Preston! ''[tries to catch him, but trips and falls on the floor]'' :''[Preston lands on top of the ship as it soars to life]'' :'''Zidgel''': 40 foot rodent! ''[Midgel presses a button, opening the dome and catapulting Preston off the ship; calling out to Jason while he tries to look for Preston]'' Cadet Jason T. Conrad, report for duty immediately! :'''Jason''': Huh? Oh, sure. Just give me a minute. I gotta find Preston. :'''Zidgel''': No time (for that), cadet! We have an urgent mission in the Zembroid counstol? C-c-cancel? Calcul? Cornsep... whatever, it's that way. :'''Jason''': Okay, but could you wait? :'''Zidgel''': Dr. Fidgel, galeezle him. :''[Fidgel fires the galeezle and pulls Jason into the ship]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Zigel''': ''[showing a presentation of his baby pictures on the big screen]'' As you can see from these photos, I was strikingly handsome even as an infant. Now here's one with me on my mommy's lap. Oh, here I am looking adorable! And, ooh, there's my old high chair! :'''Jason''': Uh, captain, the mission? :'''Fidgel''': We are headed for Space Colony Doublewide. It's interstellar cyclonic doom funnel season there. And our cargo is their supply of emergency duct tape. :'''Jason''': Emergency duct tape? :'''Fidgel''': Yes, it's for lashing space colony modules together. Otherwise, they slip their moorings, and those fragile trailers bash each other in the high winds, until they're splintered into smithereens. If we don't get it there in time, the entire population is done for! <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': ''[checks the fuel gauge, noticing the ship's fuel is nearly empty]'' Empty. We're running on fumes. You told me you prepared everything for the mission! :'''Zidgel''': Of course! And here it is! Styling gel, mousse, conditioner. :'''Midgel''': But what about gas? You said you got gas. :'''Zidgel''': And I did! But I'm feeling much better now, thank you. :'''Midgel''': ''[snapping irately]'' I meant rocket fuel! :'''Zidgel''': Oh. :'''Jason''': Uh, guys, wouldn't it be a good idea to get some more fuel quick before we ''totally'' run out? <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': ''[after the Rockhopper arrives at the gas station that is two cents cheaper as it completely runs out of fuel]'' Whew. Down to the last drop. ''[looks back at the crew, all frightened]'' What? I told you we were gonna run out of gas. <hr width="50%"> :'''Kevin''': Uh, they were out of Chewy Chunky Glob of Fudge, so I got you an Icky Gooey Slab of Slop (instead). :'''Zidgel''': ''[disappointed]'' It's not the same. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[when Kevin pulls out a spherical robot from the paper bag]'' What's that? :'''Kevin''': Not sure, really, I got it free with my Prune Trifle burrito. :'''Jason''': ''[reading the name]'' "B-I-N-G, Beneficial Imprinting Neuralnet Gizmo." :'''Kevin''': B.I.N.G. :'''Jason''': Look, here's the button to start it. ''[presses a button on the back and a flashbulb pops out, flashing Kevin as he covers his eyes]'' Hey, you guys, check this out. :'''Fidgel''': Most interesting. I believe that B.I.N.G. has somehow imprinted on Kevin's behavior, like a newborn duckling does with the first creature it sees. <hr width="50%"> :'''Zidgel''': Looks like Kevin's got himself a new best friend. :'''Midgel''': Nothing like a best friend, I always say. I got three back home. How about you, Jason? :'''Jason''': ''[as B.I.N.G. sets him down]'' Uh, yeah, at least, I think I still do. <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rockhopper pulls up beside Professor Wordsworth's trailer and he boards before the doom funnel nearly sucks it up]'' :'''Midgel''': I can't control the ship much longer! :'''Professor Wordsworth''': But we can't just leave! This is my home! What about my research? The colony? Our future survival depends on learning how to defend against the doom funnel! :'''Midgel''': Sorry, Professor, but that thing's nearly got a hold of us. We'll need to fight our way out! <hr width="50%"> :''[After saving the Space Colony Doublewide trailer park from the doom funnel, Kevin has no choice but to give B.I.N.G. to Professor Wordsworth]'' :'''Fidgel''': ''[amazed after B.I.N.G. imprints the professor's behavior]'' Fascinating! Now B.I.N.G. is imprinted on the professor. :'''Professor Wordsworth''': This is most kind of you, Kevin. We shall forever remember your act of goodness. Now then, B.I.N.G., shall we see what we can do to spruce things up a bit before everyone returns? :'''Kevin''': Goodbye, B.I.N.G. I won't forget you. :'''Zidgel''': Did I miss something? Seems to me we're down one robot in the deal. :'''Jason''': Kevin just realized that it was wrong to keep B.I.N.G. to himself when he had a chance to do good for the professor and the whole colony. "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act." <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[writing a letter to Trevor in return; voice-over] And just today, I found this really excellent mouse named Preston. Well, guess that's about it. Glad you're having a great summer, too. As someone I know once said, "Ain't nothing like a best friend." Oh, (and) in case you're a little homesick, here's something to help cheer you up. Maybe next year, we can try to break our record on that coaster. Signed, your best bud, Jason.'' :''[Later that night… Jason and Michelle are saying their prayers before going to bed]'' :'''Grandmum''': Nighty-night, cupcakes. Time to say your prayers. :'''Jason & Michelle''': Dear God… :'''Michelle''': Please bless Grandmum and keep my Mommy and Daddy safe on their trip. :'''Jason''': And thank you for teaching me the importance of doing good things for people whenever I have the chance. And please watch over Preston. He's a really great mouse. :'''Michelle''': Even if he did eat the bridal bouquet. :'''Jason & Michelle''': Amen. ===''Moon Menace on Planet Tell-a-Lie!''=== :'''Grandmum''': Like the Good Book says, "Lies will get any man into trouble, but honesty is its own defense." ==Season 2 (2007-2008)== ===''I Scream, You Scream!''=== :'''Sol''': Like the Good Book says, "Those who have knowledge use words with restraint, and those who are understanding are even tempered." Now that means the more you know, the less you get angry. And that's good. Anger just makes you lose control and he end up accusing others wrongly. :'''Jason''': He talks like Grandmum. <hr width="50%"> :'''Admiral Strap''': ''[on speaker] Penguins! Come in, penguins!'' :'''Zidgel''': Admiral Strap, sir! ''[salutes]'' :'''Michelle''': Uh, who's that? :'''Fidgel''': That's Admiral Strap. Our commander at Federation HQ. <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rockhopper arrives at Grandmum's cottage in the attic, preparing to send Jason and Michelle back]'' :'''Zigel''': Well, until next time, cadets! :'''Midgel''': G'bye, mates! :'''Jason & Michelle''': Goodbye! :''[As Fidgel fires the galeezle, the claw pops out and falls on the floor, covered in gum]'' :'''Michelle''': Oh, no, what happened? :'''Jason''': What happened?! Can't you see? The thing's broken! :'''Michelle''': How? :'''Fidgel''': ''[examines the gum]'' Hmm… Corn syrup, soy lecithin, and titanium dioxide, if I'm not very much mistaken. A construct otherwise known as… :'''Jason''': Hubby chubby bubble gum! Oh, no! ''[angrily points to Michelle]'' It was ''you!'' You must have spit it out when the galeezle pulled us in! :'''Michelle''': I wasn't the only one with hubby chubby! You were chewing it too! :'''Jason''': I swallowed mine! :'''Michelle''': Well, I didn't do it! You must have done it! :'''Jason''': I didn't do it! ''You'' did! :'''Michelle''': No, ''you'' did! :'''Zidgel''': Ah, ah! Temper, temper. Here we go, accusing each other again! Remember what old Sol told us: not smart without all the facts. :'''Jason''': Well, the fact ''is'' we aren't going to be able to get back to Grandmum's and it's all Michelle's fault! :'''Michelle''': Can you fix it, Fidgel? :'''Fidgel''': Well, um…it's not…Well, I can try. :'''Jason''': "Try?!" Oh, no! We're going to stay this size? I'm only as big as my little finger! :'''Michelle''': Can you make it work again? :'''Fidgel''': ''[pulls out a small, burned out device covered in gum]'' This is what makes it work. The metric magnetic matter disperser. The only one in existence as far as I know! Without this, the galeezle is useless! I fear the bubble gum has burnt it out. <hr width="50%"> :'''Fidgel''': Jason, Michelle, would you like a sandwich? :'''Jason''': ''[disappointed about not getting back to Grandmum's cottage]'' No. I just want Grandmum's cocoa. :'''Michelle''': I thought you weren't talking to me. :'''Jason''': I ''wasn't'' talking to you, you galeezle breaker! :'''Michelle''': I didn't break it. ''You'' did! Your gum must've come out when you were screaming like a baby. :'''Jason''': ''[infuriated]'' Screaming like a baby?! :'''Michelle''': Yes, you always scream like a baby when galeezled into the ship! :'''Zidgel''': ''[enters the main room after taking a shower with his hair all droopy; angrily accusing Kevin]'' KEVIN! YOU'VE BEEN INTO MY SHAMPOO AGAIN! :'''Midgel''': Calm down, captain. :'''Zidgel''': Calm down? Calm down?! ''[to Kevin]'' Listen to me! "Ridiculous proportions shampoo" is shampoo! Do you hear me? ''Shampoo!'' But you always use it as a body wash! A ''body wash!'' Do you know how much ''body'' you have to wash?! :''[Kevin reacts with confusion]'' :'''Midgel''': Now, wait just a minute, captain. Didn't you say earlier that we shouldn't be too quick to accuse each other? ''[gasps in shock when he sees his Boomerangutan poster on the table; accusing Fidgel in outrage]'' Doc! Doc! What have you done to my poster?! :'''Fidgel''': I-I just needed something to protect the table. :'''Midgel''': ''[frustrated]'' Do you know how much this is worth?! It was from the last tour of the Boomerangutans! :'''Fidgel''': ''[retorting]'' Well, if you wouldn't leave your quarters in such a mess, how am I to know what's rare and what's rubbish? :''[Jason and Michelle cover their ears, trying to block out the arguing]'' :'''Jason''': Nice going, Michelle! :'''Michelle''': What?! Now you're blaming ''me'' for this?! :'''Jason''': We wouldn't even be here if you hadn't broken the galeezle! ===''The Green-eyed Monster''=== ===''Lazy Daze''=== :''[The Rockhopper pulls up at the Comet Lounge]'' :'''Zidgel''': Captain's blog, we're going on a picnic. :'''Michelle''': So, what are we doing here? :'''Midgel''': Had to stop off for some supplies, first. Soda pop, sandwiches, you know. :'''Fidgel''': ''[as they enter]'' Don't forget the chocolate bars and marshmallows! :'''Jason''': Oh, great! I love eating s'mores! :'''Fidgel''': Eating? Oh, no, I need them for a new fuel experiment. :'''Midgel''': Now don't take all day with your science project stuff, Doctor. We're here to get in, get supplies, and get out. No nonsense. :'''Fidgel''': I assure you, my experiments are not nonsense. :'''Midgel''': What about the time you tried to make glass invisible so you can see through it? :'''Fidgel''': Well, it worked, didn't it? <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': What's wrong with being lazy? :'''Sol''': Well, just think, if I didn't work around here, nobody would get served, dirty dishes would pile up. Pretty soon the whole place would stink! :'''Michelle''': Like Jason's room! :'''Sol''': ''[chuckles]'' Old Sol says, "The lazy person wants many things, but has nothing. But the person who is diligent and hardworking, truly has it all." You want to be diligent, right, kids? :'''Jason''': Actually, the picnic sounds more fun. :'''Sol''': ''[laughs]'' I'm sure it does. You just keep an eye on those ants, you hear? :'''Jason''': We will. Is it just me, or is he weird? <hr width="50%"> :'''Fidgel''': ''[opens the storage bay, but it's all piled up with junk]'' Oh, dear me. :'''Midgel''': What's got your knickers in a knot, doc? :'''Fidgel''': Well, I'm scheduled to run a diagnostic test on the Harryhausen ray, but it's in the back of this storage bay, and I can't get to it. :'''Midgel''': Harryhausen ray? What's that? :'''Fidgel''': Oh, it's simply a device that halts movement on a molecular level. :'''Midgel''': ''[not understanding]'' In the Queen's English, Fidge. :'''Fidgel''': Yes. It stops action, freezes things in time and space. :'''Midgel''': Classic. But it looks like you could use some help. :'''Fidgel''': Oh, why thank you. :'''Midgel''': If I see anyone available, I'll send 'em round. :'''Fidgel''': ''[enters Jason's room, finding him laying lazily on his bed]'' Hello, Jason. I hear you're looking to earn some extra money for sea chimps? :'''Jason''': Yeah! :'''Fidgel''': Well, the storage bay is in a bit of a mess. What say I hire you to clean it? :'''Jason''': Hire? You mean like a job? I'm kinda busy. Maybe later. Uh, doc? Turn the page for me. I can't reach. ===''More Is More''=== ===''Give and Let Give''=== :'''Jason''': ''[enters Michelle's room while following the smelling scent and spots a cupcake on the table, tries to eat it, but Michelle swipes it from him]'' Let me have a cupcake. I'll tell Grandmum you've learned your lesson when we get back. :'''Michelle''': No. ''I'' made them, I say who gets one. :'''Jason''': (Oh, I get it.) You won't give me one because you're still mad about play-ser tag. :'''Michelle''': Yeah, it was no fair. I was sick of being it. :'''Jason''': At least I shared with you. :'''Michelle''': You gave me the broken one. :'''Jason''': This one? It's a new invention. Fidgel even said it didn't work right. ''[turns on the device and a straight and spiral beam fires and goes around the room until it reaches him]'' :'''Michelle''': No thanks, that thing is a play-ser tag magnet. Wherever I hid in the room, that beam would find me. I was it the whole time! :'''Jason''': Fine, but it's not ''my'' fault it doesn't work. Keep your stale old cupcakes. ''[leaves the room in a huff]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': ''[as Kevin sticks his head in the sand]'' What do you think you're doing? :'''Kevin''': Looking for water. <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': Fidge, give me your spectrometer. :'''Fidgel''': What for? :'''Midgel''': I wanna try something. :'''Fidget''': No, you'll break it. :'''Midgel''': What? :'''Michelle''': Can't he borrow it for a moment? He might be able to get us free. :'''Fidgel''': No, he's ''never'' careful with my things. It's a delicate device. :'''Michelle''': But, doctor, what about Sol's cookie? What about sharing? :'''Fidgel''': Well, what do you want it for, anyway? :'''Midgel''': I need to get back to the ship to get a fix on the pump, so you can find it, override the signal, and turn it back on. :'''Michelle''': Please? This is no time to be stingy. :'''Fidgel''': ''[reluctantly]'' Don't get any sand in it. :'''Midgel''': Thank you. I'll head to the ship. You look around here, keep your communicator on. <hr width="50%"> :'''Midgel''': Fidgel, come in! Do you read me? :'''Fidgel''': Well, it's about time. They've got the captain trussed up like a Christmas package. :'''Midgel''': That's not good, I mean, unless it actually was Christmas. ===''Practical Hoax''=== :'''Zidgel''': You're getting the seat wet, Michelle. :'''Michelle''': You can thank Jason (for that). :'''Zidgel''': Oh, thank you, Jason. ===''Comedy of Errors''=== ===''Compassion Crashin'''=== ===''Wiki Tiki''=== :'''Grandmum''': Michelle, is this the way I've taught you to rinse the dishes? :'''Michelle''': ''[sees the sink overflowing; alarmed]'' Oh, no! ''[quickly turns it off and places a towel on the wet floor]'' :'''Grandmum''': And, Jason, you didn't replace the plastic liner in this trash can. :'''Jason''': Sorry, Grandmum, I'll go get it right now. :'''Michelle''': I guess I was in too big a hurry. I'm sorry. :'''Grandmum''': Remember what the Good Book says, "Enthusiasm without knowledge is ''no'' good. Haste makes mistakes." :'''Jason''': Is that a real proverb? :'''Grandmum''': It jolly well is. Take the time to listen and do it right the first time. :'''Jason''': Like the trash liner. I'm on it. :'''Grandmum''': You'll just make a mess if you rush. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': Now where's that spaceship? It was right here! :'''Michelle''': Jason, you heard Grandmum. We got to put the clean sheets on our beds. :'''Jason''': I did. :'''Michelle''': ''[sternly]'' Jason. :'''Jason''': It's fine. I'll make the bed later. ''[Midgel galeezles both him and Michelle into the Rockhopper]'' Whoa, definitely later. :'''Michelle''': Hey, thanks, Midgel. Where is everybody? :'''Midgel''': Sorry, Michelle, no time for chit chat, we got to get going. ''[The kids are strapped to their seats and buckle up]'' The others are at the Comet Lounge making sure Sol doesn't run out of the afternoon special. :'''Jason and Michelle''': Sol's Aurora Borealis fruit punch! :'''Jason''': What are we waiting for?! :'''Jason, Michelle, and Midgel''': BONSAI! <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rockhopper arrives at the Comet Lounge and Jason, Michelle, and Midgel enter where the rest of the crew are already there]'' :'''Midgel''': Where's the Aurora Borealis punch? :'''Fidgel''': Sol hasn't lit the sign, yet. :'''Midgel''': Whew. I'd hate to miss the Aurora Borealis. Best fruit punch in the galaxy. :'''Fidgel''': Hey, I was in line first. :'''Zidgel''': Captains first, then everyone else. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': You were right, Michelle. We didn't take our time and we made mistakes. :'''Michelle''': Captain Zidgel? Jason and I have realized something. :'''Zidgel''': Can't stop it. Tried everything. :'''Jason''': Captain, we ''have'' tried everything, except listening. :'''Zidgel''': Listening? What do you mean? :'''Michelle''': Grandmum told us, enthusiasm without knowledge is no good. :'''Jason''': And haste makes mistakes. :'''Zidgel''': Translated, means…is this a tongue twister? :'''Fidgel''': Wait, I think I know. Rushing to do things in your own enthusiasm instead of taking time to understand and think causes problems. :'''Midgel''': Cuz you'll just make a mess if you hurry. :'''Kevin''': Yeah, big mess. :'''Jason''': Right, we've been in such a hurry to get back to the Comet Lounge for Sol's aurora borealis fruit punch-- :'''Michelle''': That we've been running with the first ideas that popped into our heads. Nobody listened to the tiki king. ===''Invasion of the Body Swappers!''=== :'''Midgel''': Hey, Mish, everything all right? :'''Michelle''': Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Midgel, do you, do you think I'm pretty? :'''Midgel''': What? ''[nervously laughs]'' Well, to tell you the truth, Michelle, I really don't know much about that sort of thing. To me, the prettiest thing in the world is the Rockhopper. She's a beaut, she is. :'''Fidgel''': ''[tweaking the galeezle as Michelle enters the main room]'' Oh, hello, dear. I've been tweaking the galeezle device. Would you like to help me? :'''Michelle''': Fidgel, do you think I'm pretty? :'''Fidgel''': Pretty? Uh, well, pretty is as pretty does, as my mom always used to say. ''[pulls out a photo of his mother]'' Ah, Mum was the prettiest woman in the world. ===''Git Along Little Doggies!''=== ===''Wise Guys''=== :'''Grandmum''': The Good Book says, "Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end, you will be wise." :'''Michelle''': You? Wise? Not likely. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': ''[as his sister, Midgel, Fidgel, and Kevin all glare annoyingly at him]'' No, that was not my fault. It was the lousy time machine. It didn't even work! :'''Michelle''': Or maybe you didn't listen to any advice! :''[They hear the sounds of laughing and coughing and see two elderly penguins sitting in rocking chairs, but it turns out, they're the future versions of Midgel and Fidgel]'' :'''Future Midgel''': Looks like they didn't get the transmission. :'''Future Fidgel''': And I dare say Jason ignored our warnings about the time machine. <hr width="50%"> :'''Jason''': This is fantastic! :'''Midgel''': Exactly how is this fantastic, Jason? :'''Jason''': ''[to Fidgel]'' Your time machine worked! We're in the future! This is the neatest thing ever! :'''Fidgel''': Not to dampen your enthusiasm, young man, but our situation is, in fact, quite dire. :'''Jason''': What do you mean? :'''Midgel''': Our ship's destroyed, who knows how much the time machine's been damaged? Jason, face the facts. :'''Future Midgel''': The odds are, you and your sister are stuck here with us, '''''forever.''''' :'''Jason''': ''[horrified] '''NO!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"> :'''Michelle''': Kevin's getting '''''younger!''''' ===''Hogs and Kisses''=== :''[The Lizard King finds Jason in the back of his truck when he tries to run away]'' :'''Lizard King''': Great Bullamanka! A human ice pop! What are you doin' in there? :'''Jason''': ''[shivering from the cold]'' R-r-running away? :'''Lizard King''': Not on board my ship, you don't. No stowaways. I got a firm rule against such things. ''[pulls him out of the cargo hold; recognizing him]'' Wait a minute, I know you! You're the mate aboard the Rockhopper, under Captain Zidgel. :'''Jason''': P-p-please. You gotta let me stay. I-I can't go back there. :'''Lizard King''': Why not? :'''Jason''': They say things that hurt my feelings... supposed to be helpful. :'''Lizard King''': Oh, it's like that, is it? Always telling you what to do, eh? Giving you orders, do this, do that. Making you feel bad by saying things you don't wanna hear, eh mate? :'''Jason''': Yeah! :'''Lizard King''': Ha! Get over it! You're a shipmate. Taking orders is what you do. Whatever they're telling you is probably for your own good. ==Season 3 (2008)== ===''12 Angry Hens''=== ===''Kennel Club Blues''=== ===''Oh, Mercy!''=== ===''Promises, Promises, Promises''=== ===''Do Unto Brothers''=== ===''Between an Asteroid and a Hard Place''=== ===''In the Big House''=== == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's animated space adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American preschool education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:Flash animated TV shows]] [[Category:TV shows about penguins]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Qubo shows]] k21as3se7zza9s7vj3c1wyhltanghc0 0 249079 3949240 3774904 2026-06-05T15:07:29Z ~2026-33569-95 3336843 /* Cast */ 3949240 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[wikipedia:Star vs. the Forces of Evil|Star vs. the Forces of Evil]]''''' is an American animated comedy that premiered on [[wikipedia:Disney Channel|Disney Channel]] and [[wikipedia:Disney XD|Disney XD]] from 2015 to 2019. ==Season 1== ===''Star Comes to Earth'' [1.01a]=== :'''Star''': (narrating) Far, far away, on a magical land called Mewni lived a princess, Star Butterfly. :'''Star''': (spoken) RAIL SLIDE!!! :'''Star''': (narrating) Some people have called me reckless and irresponsible just because, I fight monsters and tame wild unicorns. I like to have a lot of fun and I'm about have a whole lot more because today is 14th birthday, and according to tradition, my mom the queen has to bestow upon me our greatest family heirloom: the royal magic wand! ===''Party with a Pony'' [1.01b]=== PonyHead: B-FLY! ===''Matchmaker'' [1.02a]=== :'''Miss Skullnick''': As you can see class, most of you have done a pathetic job. :'''Star''': Not me. I got an F for fantastic. :'''Marco''': That's an F for fail. :'''Star''': Huh? :'''Marco''': What? You don't have tests on Mewni? :'''Star''': Uh, so what grade did you get? :'''Marco''': Only the best grade you can get, A+ with a smiley face. :'''Star''': Ooh. I want the best one too. :'''Marco''': Wait, don't! :'''Star''': Oh, Miss Skullnick. (Skullnick scratches the board and breaks the chalk after being interrupted by Star) Hey Skullzie, can you please do me a teeny favor and turn my F into an A? :'''Miss Skullnick''': YOU'RE WHINING A LOUSY GRADE?! I FINALLY GOT A GUY WITH A BOAT AND HE LEFT ME AT THE DOCK!!!! :'''Star''': The dock? :'''Miss Skullnick''': THE DOCK ISN'T THE IMPORTANT PART!!!!! (Star mumbles an idea) I guess I'm doomed to dry land. :'''Star''': I got it. I'll cast a spell to get you perfect guy and you can give me the perfect grade. :'''Miss Skullnick''': What?! (Star casts a spell) Wait! :'''Star''': LOVE STORM!!! :(Everyone gasps as they find out Star accidentally turned Skullnick into a troll) :'''Marco''': Star, what did you do?! :'''Star''': I.. I think I turned her into a troll. :'''Justin''': STAR BUTTERFLY RULES!!!! ===''School Spirit'' [1.02b]=== :'''Brittney''': Don't worry, Sabrina. The Spirit Boys are gonna catch you. Grow some pompoms! :(Star squeezes through the cheerleaders) :'''Star''': Do these explode? Maybe we can set them on fire! :'''Brittney''': (offscreen) Uh, we're kinda in the middle of something? :'''Star''': You're the leader. What's the plan? :'''Brittney''': This year we have a secret weapon. We're gonna distract them with out booty-shaking dance moves. :(Brittney shakes her booty, much to Star's disgust) :'''Star''': Do you know nothing of combat?! No Warrior is gonna be distracted by Chantal's booty! :'''Chantal''': Wha... :'''Star''': Lucky for you, my mom assigned the royal guards as my babysitters. :(Cutaway gag/flashback to Star's childhood) :'''Royal Guard''': You know you've done it right when you hear the neck snap. :'''Young Star''': YAAAY!! :(End of cutaway gag/flashback to Star's childhood) :'''Brittney''': I know on planet "Moo-ni" or wherever it is you're from, it may be okay to be stupid, but no pesky magical foreigner is gonna question my leadership! You are officially banned from the spirit committee! :'''Star''': Fine! Looks like it's all up to me. :'''Brittney''': Okay, thanks for coming out! Come back never! <hr width=100%> :'''Star''': I booby trapped the battlefield. :'''Marco''': Star, "The Warriors" weren't actually gonna kill our team, they were just gonna beat them in football, which is a GAME!!! ===''Monster Arm'' [1.03a]=== ===''The Other Exchange Student'' [1.03b]=== ===''Cheer Up, Star'' [1.04a]=== ===''Quest Buy'' [1.04b]=== ===''Diaz Family Vacation'' [1.05a]=== ===''Brittney's Party'' [1.05b]=== ===''Mewberty'' [1.06a]=== ===''Pixtopia'' [1.06b]=== :'''Star''': That's it! I'm switching service providers! :'''Marco''': Yeah, good call. Star, I feel bad. I think I may have ruined Ferguson's one chance at love. Maybe we are mess-up twins. :'''Star''': Oh, Marco. That pixie didn't love Ferguson. She just wanted to eat him. :'''Marco''': Really? :'''Star''': And let's be honest. Ferguson does look delicious. :(Marco and Star laugh) :'''Marco''': Well, yeah, I guess nobody's perfect. :'''Ferguson''': Uh, why are you guys talking about me like I'm not here? (notices that they forgot Alfonzo) And where's Alfonzo? :(Scene shows that Alfonzo and the Empress are recently married) :'''Pastor Pixie''': You may now kiss the bride. :(Pixies congratulates the Empress) :'''Alfonzo''': Yay! I will make a great pixie king! I'll be very tyrannical, hmm? :(Screen fades to black) ===''Lobster Claws'' [1.07a]=== ===''Sleep Spells'' [1.07b]=== ===''Blood Moon Ball'' [1.08a]=== ===''Fortune Cookies'' [1.08b]=== ===''Freeze Day'' [1.09a]=== ===''Royal Pain'' [1.09b]=== ===''St. Olga's Reform School for Wayward Princesses'' [1.10]=== ===''Mewnipendance Day'' [1.11a]=== ===''The Banagic Incident'' [1.11b]=== ===''Interdimensional Field Trip'' [1.12a]=== ===''Marco Grows a Beard'' [1.12b]=== :'''Ludo''': You can't do this! This is my castle, those are my monsters! :'''Toffee''': (deadpan) Not anymore. :'''Ludo''': (quietly) Toffee? :(Toffee slams the door on Ludo, leaving him homeless, ending the episode in a cliffhanger) ===''Storm the Castle'' [1.13]=== :(After an adventure to retrieve half of a sandwich inside a monster) :'''Star''': I had it in my hands Marco! I have no idea what you were thinking! (walks away) :'''Marco''': (follows her) I was thinking of not dying! :(The monster grabs Marco's leg and Star hits it with a flower pot and closes the portal) :'''Star''': (yells at Marco) We went through all that trouble and this sad little scrap of sandwich is all we have to show for it! :'''Marco''': (gets defensive to Star) That's because it's not worth dying for a stupid piece of food! (slaps the sandwich out of her hand and into the wall) I'm going to my room! :'''Star''': I hate when you act like this! (Referring to the first time they met) It makes me wonder why we're even friends! (Scrapes the sandwich off the wall with her hand where there are flies on it now) Ugh, where did all these flies come from?! :(Marco angrily goes to his room and so does Star) <hr width=100%> :'''King River''': Glossaryck, towel please! :'''Glossaryck''': No problem, your highness. I hope you found all the pieces to the wand. ==Season 2== ===''My New Wand'' [2.01a]=== :'''Star''': Guess who? It's me, Star! I have some exciting news for you. Well first, Marco got kidnapped, and I had to blow up a bunch of stuff including my wand, and I was super bummed, because I thought was never gonna do magic again, but then I got my new wan.. My new wand! Oh yeah, and Marco's okay. Say hi, Marco! ===''Ludo in the Wild'' [2.01b]=== ===''Mr. Candle Cares'' [2.02a]=== ===''Red Belt'' [2.02b]=== ===''Star on Wheels'' [2.03a]=== ===''Fetch'' [2.03b]=== ===''Star vs. Echo Creek'' [2.04a]=== ===''Wand to Wand'' [2.04b]=== ===''Starstruck'' [2.05a]=== ===''Camping Trip'' [2.05b]=== ===''Starsitting'' [2.06a]=== ===''On the Job'' [2.06b]=== ===''Goblin Dogs'' [2.07a]=== ===''By the Book'' [2.07b]=== ===''Game of Flags'' [2.08a]=== ===''Girl's Day Out'' [2.08b]=== ===''Sleepover'' [2.09a]=== ===''Gift of the Card'' [2.09b]=== ===''Friendenemies'' [2.10a]=== ===''Is Mystery'' [2.10b]=== ===''Hungry Larry'' [2.11a]=== ===''Spider with a Top Hat'' [2.11b]=== ===''Into the Wand'' [2.12a]=== ===''Pizza Thing'' [2.12b]=== ===''Page Turner'' [2.13a]=== ===''Naysaya'' [2.13b]=== ===''Bon Bon the Birthday Clown'' [2.14]=== :'''Glossarysck''': At your service, malady. :'''Ludo''': I'm not a malady. ===''Raid the Cave'' [2.15a]=== :(Star packs her bags for her and Marco's journey to rescue Glossaryck, while he talks to Jackie on the phone) :'''Marco''': Uh huh. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Uh huh. Uh huh. Okay. Right. :(hears bang) :'''Marco''': You know what, Jackie, can I call you back? :(hangs up the phone) :'''Marco''': Look Star, this is a stressful situation I get that, but would it kill you to slow down for a second? You're kind of going overboard. I mean, do you really have to pack this vintage laptop and this purple-y bubbly tea thingy? Why don't you try some breathing excerises? :'''Star''': I don't have time to breathe. I can't waste a.. sec..ond! ===''Trickstar'' [2.15b]=== ===''Baby'' [2.16a]=== ===''Running with Scissors'' [2.16b]=== ===''Mathmagic'' [2.17a]=== ===''The Bounce Lounge'' [2.17b]=== ===''Crystal Clear'' [2.18a]=== ===''The Hard Way'' [2.18b]=== ===''Heinous'' [2.19a]=== ===''All Belts are Off'' [2.19b]=== ===''Collateral Damage'' [2.20a]=== ===''Just Friends'' [2.20b]=== ===''Face the Music'' [2.21]=== ===''Starcrushed'' [2.22]=== :'''Star''': Marco, we need to talk. Just one last time. :'''Marco''': Is everything okay? You shouted pretty loud. Everybody's just staring at us. :'''Star''': Yeah, I know. But some stuff just came up, and I've only got a little time. :'''Marco''': What, why? We got the entire summer. :'''Star''': Marco, I don't know how to tell you this, because you're my best friend... :'''Marco''': Star? :'''Star''': ...and that makes this super weird because... :'''Marco''': What's wrong? :'''Star''': ...because I... I... I do have a crush on you. :[Everyone gasps] :'''Pony Head''': Who called it?! I called it! Boom! I called it. :'''Star''': I didn't want to admit it because I know you don't feel the same way, and I thought if I just pretended the feelings weren't there, they'd go away. But they haven't. I have to leave Earth, probably forever, and I couldn't go without telling you the truth. :'''Marco''': Uh... I, uh... :'''Star''': Goodbye! Goodbye, everyone! :'''Marco''': Star... hey! :[Star goes back to her room and prepares to make herself disappear to Mewni forever] :'''Marco''': What do you mean...? :[Star's room has disappeared forever] :'''Marco''': Star? :[Also Star's loft has disappeared forever as the screen fades to black] ==Season 3== ===''The Battle for Mewni'' [3.01-3.04]=== :'''Angie''': Did you hear that? :'''Rafael''': Y-yes, maybe we should call the police. ===''Scent of a Hoodie'' [3.05a]=== ===''Rest in Pudding'' [3.05b]=== ===''Club Snubbed'' [3.06a]=== ===''Stranger Danger'' [3.06b]=== ===''Demonicsm'' [3.07a]=== ===''Sophmore Slump'' [3.07b]=== ===''Lint Catcher'' [3.08a]=== ===''Trial by Squire'' [3.08b]=== ===''Princess Turdina'' [3.09a]=== ===''Starfari'' [3.09b]=== ===''Sweet Dreams'' [3.10a]=== ===''Lava Lake Beach'' [3.10b]=== ===''Death Peck'' [3.11a]=== ===''Ponymonium'' [3.11b]=== ===''Night Life'' [3.12a]=== ===''Deep Dive'' [3.12b]=== ===''Stump Day'' [3.13a]=== ===''Holiday Spellcial'' [3.13b]=== ===''Monster Bash'' [3.14]=== :'''Gemini''': Ooh, there's too much heat out there. We should get going, Miss Heinous. :'''Metora''': That's not my name. :'''Gemini''': I'm...sorry? :'''Metora''': My name is Metora. ===''The Boogbeast of Boogah [3.15a]''=== :'''Star''': Mama, I need to talk to you! I can't believe it! :'''Queen Moon''': Star I'm in the middle of... :'''Star''': It's blowing my beautiful mind! ===''Total Eclipsa of the Moon'' [3.15b]=== ===''Butterfly Trap'' [3.16a]=== ===''Ludo, Where Art Thou?'' [3.16b]=== ===''Is Another Mystery'' [3.17a]=== ===''Marco Jr.'' [3.17b]=== ===''Skooled'' [3.18a]=== ===''Booth Buddies'' [3.18b]=== ===''Bam Um Pati!'' [3.19a]=== ===''Tough Love'' [3.19b]=== ===''Divide & Conquer'' [3.20-21]=== :'''Eclipsa''': Hello, my love. We're home. ==Season 4== ===''Butterfly Follies'' [4.01]=== :'''Star''': (fighting a Knight) Oh! Not bad, me. INCOMING!!! :'''Marco''': Nice! ===''Escape from the Pie Folk'' [4.02]=== ===''Moon Remembers'' [4.03a]=== ===''Swim Suit'' [4.03b]=== ===''Ransomgram'' [4.04a]=== ===''Lake House Fever'' [4.04b]=== ===''Yada Yada Berries'' [4.05a]=== ===''Down by the River'' [4.05b]=== ===''The Ponyhead Show'' [4.06a]=== ===''Surviving the Spider Bites'' [4.06b]=== ===''Out of Business'' [4.07a]=== ===''Kelly's World'' [4.07b]=== ===''Curse of the Blood Moon'' [4.08]=== :'''Janna''': So I'm half-demon. Still counts. :'''Marco''': Okay, you know, I will be waiting by the elevator. ===''Princess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic Bell'' [4.09a]=== :'''Quasar''': Look, Hannah, something's happening! :'''Hannah''': Whoa, I told you it would work. ===''Ghost of Butterfly Castle'' [4.09b]=== ===''Cornball'' [4.10a]=== ===''Meteora's Lesson'' [4.10b]=== ===''The Knight Shift'' [4.11a]=== ===''Queen-napped'' [4.11b]=== ===''Junkin' Janna'' [4.12a]=== ===''A Spell with No Name'' [4.12b]=== ===''A Boy and his DC-700XE'' [4.13a]=== ===''The Monster and the Queen'' [4.13b]=== ===''Cornonation'' [4.14]=== ===''Doop-Doop'' [4.15a]=== ===''Britta's Tacos'' [4.15b]=== ===''Beach Day'' [4.16a]=== ===''Gone Baby Gone'' [4.16b]=== ===''Sad Teen Hotline'' [4.17a]=== ===''Jannanigns'' [4.17b]=== ===''Mama Star'' [4.18a]=== ===''Ready, Aim, Fire'' [4.18b]=== ===''The Right Way'' [4.19a]=== ===''Here to Help'' [4.19b]=== ===''Pizza Party'' [4.20a]=== ===''The Tavern at the End of the Multiverse'' [4.20b]=== ===''Cleaved'' [4.21]=== :'''Marco''': Hey. :'''Star''': Hi. ==Cast== *[[w:Eden Sher|Eden Sher]] as Star Butterfly *Adam MacArthur as Marco Diaz ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Television series by Disney Television Animation]] [[Category:Disney Channel shows]] [[Category:Disney XD shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]] hcbm0j761hla3zt0bq9l54nkdv5256v 0 254167 3949491 3903577 2026-06-06T08:20:00Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Dialogue */ 3949491 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br>'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island|Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]]''''' is a 2019 an American film. == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === === {{w|Fred Jones}} === === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === ==Dialogue== :'''Sheriff''': [[Monsters, Inc.|You don't have to cry, Daphne, I— I'm sure we can do somethin' else?]] :'''Velma''': ''[sobs]'' It is nothing else, it's all a life's worked! :''[Velma and Daphne sob]'' ==Extralink== {{wikipedia}} {{Scooby-Doo}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2019 animated films]] [[Category:2010s American animated films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:Sequel films]] ao4ri3mt8swu3g5blelw98ab2a34q8h 0 256118 3949217 3946372 2026-06-05T14:10:59Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949217 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} {{PAW Patrol header}} '''''{{w|Rubble & Crew|Rubble & Crew}}''''' is a 3D-animated children's television series and a spin-off of Spin Master's ''[[PAW Patrol]]'' brand, which is about Rubble and his family who are operating out of the Bark Yard to build all of its different proprietors in Builder Cove. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12. ==Seasons== ::[[Rubble & Crew (season 1)|Season 1]], [[Rubble & Crew (season 2)|2]], [[Rubble & Crew (season 3)|3]] ===Opening=== :''[opening sequence]'' :Who's got a lot of work to do?<br /> :Rubble & Crew!<br /> :Who's always building something new?<br /> :Rubble & Crew!<br /> :The builder pups are building it up<br /> :Building anything you can dream<br /> :They're getting it done and making it fun<br /> :Working as a team<br /> :Who's built the greatest family?<br /> :Rubble & Crew!<br /> :They've got an awesome job to do<br /> :Let's go, Rubble & Crew! ==Repeated lines== ===Rubble=== * Rubble on the double! * Let's bow-wow build! * Let's dig it! * Let's bounce and build! * Let's wiggle and wag! * There's always a construction solution! * ''[when Charger has the zoomies]'' Give 'em some room! * ''[when Mix has a good idea]'' Mix, you're one smart pup! ===Mix=== * Mix is ready! * This pup can mix it up! * Ready, aim, concrete!/paint! * Time for a Mix makeover! * Charger, that's it! * ''[when Charger is absent]'' Wheeler, that's it! * Wouldn't it be fun if... ''[variations of a good idea to Rubble]'' ===Charger=== * Here comes Charger! * Grab it, lift it, move it! * I'm getting the zoom, zoom, zoomies! * Yeah, that's it! Wait, what's it? ===Wheeler=== * Cool moves! * Tools rule! * Looking good! * Making it clean, that's the dream! * My truck is filled, time to build! * I repeat! * ''[when Charger is absent]'' Yeah, that's it! Wait, what's it? ===Motor=== * Motor build! * Motor go, BOOM! * Motor go, smooth! ===Mr. McTurtle=== * Yep-a-roozy! * Nope-a-roozy! ===Others=== * '''Grandpa Gravel''': Grandpa's toolbox to the rescue! * '''Auntie Crane''': Alrighty, Wheeler, back 'er up! * '''Speed Meister''': Ta-da! You're welcome! * '''Omar''': Without fail, Omar will deliver your mail! * '''Shopkeeper Shelley''': Here comes... * '''Park Ranger Rose''': Fun fact! * '''Dr. Diwa''': To know what an animal needs, you need to be the animal! ==Cast== ===Main=== * Luxton Handspiker (S1-S3) and Lucien Duncan-Reid (S3-present) — Rubble * Shazdeh Kapadia — Mix * Alessandro Pugiotto — Charger * Liam Mckenna (S1) and Nylan Parthipan (S2-present) — Wheeler * Alberta Bolan (S1) and Nova McKay (S2-present) — Motor * {{w|Sabrina Jalees}} (S1-S2) and Lisa Norton (S3-present) — Auntie Crane * {{w|Martin Roach}} — Grandpa Gravel ===Supporting=== * Leslie Adlam — Mayor Greatway * {{w|Cory Doran}} — Speed Meister and Mr. McTurtle * Deven Mack — Omar * Josette Jorge — Juniper * Housten Daghighi (S1), Myles-Anthony Douglas (S2) and Isaiah Ball (S3-present) — Lucas * Mikayla SwamiNathan — Lily * {{w|Jonathan Langdon}} — Shopkeeper Shelley * Paloma Nunez — Camilia and Inspector Inez * Jonathan Tan — Café Carl * Andy Toth — Grocer Gabriel * {{w|Michela Luci}} — Sierra Sparkle * Krystal Meadows — Farmer Zoe * {{w|Drew Scott}} — Hank Hammer * Cihang Ma — River * Ophira Calof — Park Ranger Rose * Ana Sani — Coach Karima * Cynthia Jiminez-Hicks — Dr. Diwa ===Recurring=== * Kai Harris — Ryder * {{w|Kim Roberts (actress)|Kim Roberts}} — Mayor Goodway * Christian Corrao — Marshall * {{w|Ron Pardo}} — Cap'n Turbot * Luke Dietz — Chase * {{w|Lilly Bartlam}} — Skye * Jackson Reid — Rocky ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s Canadian animated TV shows]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:American animated TV spin-offs]] [[Category:Canadian animated TV spin-offs]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about turtles]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category: American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:Canadian children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:Nick Jr. shows]] [[Category:Treehouse TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Current shows]] [[Category:PAW Patrol]] 1wlq6f27d6g67fq17mj7pwmwp5cs4lg 3 256805 3949409 3887020 2026-06-06T03:28:17Z Rap Goddess0 3337101 /* Check out */ new section 3949409 wikitext text/x-wiki {{Talk header}} Hello, 03isrflo62410, and welcome to the [[Wikiquote:About|English Wikiquote]], a free compendium of quotations written collaboratively by people just like you! * For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read [[Wikiquote:Wikiquote]]. ** See also [[Wikiquote:What Wikiquote is not|What Wikiquote is not]] for common activities that Wikiquote does not support. * To browse Wikiquote, take a look at our [[Wikiquote:Browse|browsing start page]]. * Before creating new articles, consult our [[Wikiquote:Guide to layout|guide]]. You may practice [[Wikiquote:How to edit a page|how to edit a page]] at [[Wikiquote:Sandbox|Sandbox]]. * Please remember to use [[Help:Edit summary|edit summaries]] when editing pages. * When posting to a discussion, [[Wikiquote:Sign your posts on talk pages|please sign with a date]] by writing four tildes (~&#126;~~) and saving. * [[w:Wikipedia:Be bold|Be bold]]. To ask for advice or assistance feel free to drop by the [[WQ:VP|Village Pump]] or ask on my talk page. Happy editing! And again, welcome! 22:36, 24 March 2023 (UTC)[[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) == [[The Amazing World of Gumball]] == Thank you for your contribution on this page. IMO, this page is heavily vandalized, FWIW, there are a lot of strange characters noted on that page, such as spongebob, soul eater and something like that. I'm inclined to protect it for a while, do you mind helping me review it? [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 22:38, 24 March 2023 (UTC) :I don't mind helping review it. After all, that page gets vandalized ''a lot'' by the same user. I assume this same user is the one that vandalized the Soul Eater article with that "SoulEaterFan" spam/vandalism/nonsense. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 22:40, 24 March 2023 (UTC) :: I've protected that page and blocked that IP, thanks for your reports. [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 22:41, 24 March 2023 (UTC) == User page == Hi, I've semi-protected your userpage to prevent vandalism. This doesn't affect you, as you can edit it regardless, but if you want it unprotected, then let me know, and it can be unprotected. Thanks :) --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] <small>([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])</small> 22:37, 5 August 2023 (UTC) :I don't mind it being protected. It's been vandalized a whole lot, and as such, I feel that you did the right action. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 22:56, 5 August 2023 (UTC) == Teenage Kraken == Okay, who the hell vandalised the article and how haven’t they been reported and banned yet? Thanks for helping fix it. I just came here from the Wikipedia page and saw all of… that. We’ve got to get that guy banned. [[Special:Contributions/2A00:23C6:3D09:D801:284F:C73:72DE:7237|2A00:23C6:3D09:D801:284F:C73:72DE:7237]] 22:13, 19 September 2023 (UTC) == Semi protected == I've semi-protected you talk page, thanks for pinging me on time. [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 23:26, 19 September 2023 (UTC) == Please help! == Some anonymous user constantly keeps editing the quotes on [[The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius/Season 1]] with quotes differing from the actual episode. I tried changing them back, but they keep undoing everything back saying "it's not fixed". Go to the history [[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=The_Adventures_of_Jimmy_Neutron:_Boy_Genius/Season_1&action=history here]] and I'll show you. [[Special:Contributions/73.160.181.203|73.160.181.203]] 20:03, 18 February 2025 (UTC) == I'm restoring accurate dialogue to the movie. == Stop removing the accurate dialogue that I keep adding, because the dialogue I add is correct. [[Special:Contributions/2601:600:967F:A6D0:9DAB:10A6:B569:FDD5|2601:600:967F:A6D0:9DAB:10A6:B569:FDD5]] 23:26, 30 March 2025 (UTC) == I am not vandalizing anything. == It's not excessive dialogue, period. That is considered gaslighting. [[Special:Contributions/2601:600:967F:A6D0:E4FB:2A8C:D35F:BF86|2601:600:967F:A6D0:E4FB:2A8C:D35F:BF86]] 19:38, 1 April 2025 (UTC) == Check out == Please check out my wikidata I’m the most notable woman in africa [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:28, 6 June 2026 (UTC) huxu5extotv7g9rxy5sxiiz4neorppc 3949410 3949409 2026-06-06T03:29:37Z 03isrflo62410 1485946 Who cares? You don't have a proper en-wiki page 3949410 wikitext text/x-wiki {{Talk header}} Hello, 03isrflo62410, and welcome to the [[Wikiquote:About|English Wikiquote]], a free compendium of quotations written collaboratively by people just like you! * For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read [[Wikiquote:Wikiquote]]. ** See also [[Wikiquote:What Wikiquote is not|What Wikiquote is not]] for common activities that Wikiquote does not support. * To browse Wikiquote, take a look at our [[Wikiquote:Browse|browsing start page]]. * Before creating new articles, consult our [[Wikiquote:Guide to layout|guide]]. You may practice [[Wikiquote:How to edit a page|how to edit a page]] at [[Wikiquote:Sandbox|Sandbox]]. * Please remember to use [[Help:Edit summary|edit summaries]] when editing pages. * When posting to a discussion, [[Wikiquote:Sign your posts on talk pages|please sign with a date]] by writing four tildes (~&#126;~~) and saving. * [[w:Wikipedia:Be bold|Be bold]]. To ask for advice or assistance feel free to drop by the [[WQ:VP|Village Pump]] or ask on my talk page. Happy editing! And again, welcome! 22:36, 24 March 2023 (UTC)[[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) == [[The Amazing World of Gumball]] == Thank you for your contribution on this page. IMO, this page is heavily vandalized, FWIW, there are a lot of strange characters noted on that page, such as spongebob, soul eater and something like that. I'm inclined to protect it for a while, do you mind helping me review it? [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 22:38, 24 March 2023 (UTC) :I don't mind helping review it. After all, that page gets vandalized ''a lot'' by the same user. I assume this same user is the one that vandalized the Soul Eater article with that "SoulEaterFan" spam/vandalism/nonsense. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 22:40, 24 March 2023 (UTC) :: I've protected that page and blocked that IP, thanks for your reports. [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 22:41, 24 March 2023 (UTC) == User page == Hi, I've semi-protected your userpage to prevent vandalism. This doesn't affect you, as you can edit it regardless, but if you want it unprotected, then let me know, and it can be unprotected. Thanks :) --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] <small>([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])</small> 22:37, 5 August 2023 (UTC) :I don't mind it being protected. It's been vandalized a whole lot, and as such, I feel that you did the right action. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 22:56, 5 August 2023 (UTC) == Teenage Kraken == Okay, who the hell vandalised the article and how haven’t they been reported and banned yet? Thanks for helping fix it. I just came here from the Wikipedia page and saw all of… that. We’ve got to get that guy banned. [[Special:Contributions/2A00:23C6:3D09:D801:284F:C73:72DE:7237|2A00:23C6:3D09:D801:284F:C73:72DE:7237]] 22:13, 19 September 2023 (UTC) == Semi protected == I've semi-protected you talk page, thanks for pinging me on time. [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 23:26, 19 September 2023 (UTC) == Please help! == Some anonymous user constantly keeps editing the quotes on [[The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius/Season 1]] with quotes differing from the actual episode. I tried changing them back, but they keep undoing everything back saying "it's not fixed". Go to the history [[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=The_Adventures_of_Jimmy_Neutron:_Boy_Genius/Season_1&action=history here]] and I'll show you. [[Special:Contributions/73.160.181.203|73.160.181.203]] 20:03, 18 February 2025 (UTC) == I'm restoring accurate dialogue to the movie. == Stop removing the accurate dialogue that I keep adding, because the dialogue I add is correct. [[Special:Contributions/2601:600:967F:A6D0:9DAB:10A6:B569:FDD5|2601:600:967F:A6D0:9DAB:10A6:B569:FDD5]] 23:26, 30 March 2025 (UTC) == I am not vandalizing anything. == It's not excessive dialogue, period. That is considered gaslighting. [[Special:Contributions/2601:600:967F:A6D0:E4FB:2A8C:D35F:BF86|2601:600:967F:A6D0:E4FB:2A8C:D35F:BF86]] 19:38, 1 April 2025 (UTC) t3mlflpwur79x0qcfdiq4icxhcxshac 3949412 3949410 2026-06-06T03:32:34Z Rap Goddess0 3337101 /* Hhhhh */ new section 3949412 wikitext text/x-wiki {{Talk header}} Hello, 03isrflo62410, and welcome to the [[Wikiquote:About|English Wikiquote]], a free compendium of quotations written collaboratively by people just like you! * For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read [[Wikiquote:Wikiquote]]. ** See also [[Wikiquote:What Wikiquote is not|What Wikiquote is not]] for common activities that Wikiquote does not support. * To browse Wikiquote, take a look at our [[Wikiquote:Browse|browsing start page]]. * Before creating new articles, consult our [[Wikiquote:Guide to layout|guide]]. You may practice [[Wikiquote:How to edit a page|how to edit a page]] at [[Wikiquote:Sandbox|Sandbox]]. * Please remember to use [[Help:Edit summary|edit summaries]] when editing pages. * When posting to a discussion, [[Wikiquote:Sign your posts on talk pages|please sign with a date]] by writing four tildes (~&#126;~~) and saving. * [[w:Wikipedia:Be bold|Be bold]]. To ask for advice or assistance feel free to drop by the [[WQ:VP|Village Pump]] or ask on my talk page. Happy editing! And again, welcome! 22:36, 24 March 2023 (UTC)[[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) == [[The Amazing World of Gumball]] == Thank you for your contribution on this page. IMO, this page is heavily vandalized, FWIW, there are a lot of strange characters noted on that page, such as spongebob, soul eater and something like that. I'm inclined to protect it for a while, do you mind helping me review it? [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 22:38, 24 March 2023 (UTC) :I don't mind helping review it. After all, that page gets vandalized ''a lot'' by the same user. I assume this same user is the one that vandalized the Soul Eater article with that "SoulEaterFan" spam/vandalism/nonsense. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 22:40, 24 March 2023 (UTC) :: I've protected that page and blocked that IP, thanks for your reports. [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 22:41, 24 March 2023 (UTC) == User page == Hi, I've semi-protected your userpage to prevent vandalism. This doesn't affect you, as you can edit it regardless, but if you want it unprotected, then let me know, and it can be unprotected. Thanks :) --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] <small>([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])</small> 22:37, 5 August 2023 (UTC) :I don't mind it being protected. It's been vandalized a whole lot, and as such, I feel that you did the right action. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 22:56, 5 August 2023 (UTC) == Teenage Kraken == Okay, who the hell vandalised the article and how haven’t they been reported and banned yet? Thanks for helping fix it. I just came here from the Wikipedia page and saw all of… that. We’ve got to get that guy banned. [[Special:Contributions/2A00:23C6:3D09:D801:284F:C73:72DE:7237|2A00:23C6:3D09:D801:284F:C73:72DE:7237]] 22:13, 19 September 2023 (UTC) == Semi protected == I've semi-protected you talk page, thanks for pinging me on time. [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 23:26, 19 September 2023 (UTC) == Please help! == Some anonymous user constantly keeps editing the quotes on [[The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius/Season 1]] with quotes differing from the actual episode. I tried changing them back, but they keep undoing everything back saying "it's not fixed". Go to the history [[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=The_Adventures_of_Jimmy_Neutron:_Boy_Genius/Season_1&action=history here]] and I'll show you. [[Special:Contributions/73.160.181.203|73.160.181.203]] 20:03, 18 February 2025 (UTC) == I'm restoring accurate dialogue to the movie. == Stop removing the accurate dialogue that I keep adding, because the dialogue I add is correct. [[Special:Contributions/2601:600:967F:A6D0:9DAB:10A6:B569:FDD5|2601:600:967F:A6D0:9DAB:10A6:B569:FDD5]] 23:26, 30 March 2025 (UTC) == I am not vandalizing anything. == It's not excessive dialogue, period. That is considered gaslighting. [[Special:Contributions/2601:600:967F:A6D0:E4FB:2A8C:D35F:BF86|2601:600:967F:A6D0:E4FB:2A8C:D35F:BF86]] 19:38, 1 April 2025 (UTC) == Hhhhh == I care because you are jealous of my notability [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:32, 6 June 2026 (UTC) 1fg3po39fhebg68h3jhau5lrccayxcn 3949413 3949412 2026-06-06T03:33:48Z Rap Goddess0 3337101 /* Last Warning */ new section 3949413 wikitext text/x-wiki {{Talk header}} Hello, 03isrflo62410, and welcome to the [[Wikiquote:About|English Wikiquote]], a free compendium of quotations written collaboratively by people just like you! * For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read [[Wikiquote:Wikiquote]]. ** See also [[Wikiquote:What Wikiquote is not|What Wikiquote is not]] for common activities that Wikiquote does not support. * To browse Wikiquote, take a look at our [[Wikiquote:Browse|browsing start page]]. * Before creating new articles, consult our [[Wikiquote:Guide to layout|guide]]. You may practice [[Wikiquote:How to edit a page|how to edit a page]] at [[Wikiquote:Sandbox|Sandbox]]. * Please remember to use [[Help:Edit summary|edit summaries]] when editing pages. * When posting to a discussion, [[Wikiquote:Sign your posts on talk pages|please sign with a date]] by writing four tildes (~&#126;~~) and saving. * [[w:Wikipedia:Be bold|Be bold]]. To ask for advice or assistance feel free to drop by the [[WQ:VP|Village Pump]] or ask on my talk page. Happy editing! And again, welcome! 22:36, 24 March 2023 (UTC)[[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) == [[The Amazing World of Gumball]] == Thank you for your contribution on this page. IMO, this page is heavily vandalized, FWIW, there are a lot of strange characters noted on that page, such as spongebob, soul eater and something like that. I'm inclined to protect it for a while, do you mind helping me review it? [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 22:38, 24 March 2023 (UTC) :I don't mind helping review it. After all, that page gets vandalized ''a lot'' by the same user. I assume this same user is the one that vandalized the Soul Eater article with that "SoulEaterFan" spam/vandalism/nonsense. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 22:40, 24 March 2023 (UTC) :: I've protected that page and blocked that IP, thanks for your reports. [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 22:41, 24 March 2023 (UTC) == User page == Hi, I've semi-protected your userpage to prevent vandalism. This doesn't affect you, as you can edit it regardless, but if you want it unprotected, then let me know, and it can be unprotected. Thanks :) --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] <small>([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])</small> 22:37, 5 August 2023 (UTC) :I don't mind it being protected. It's been vandalized a whole lot, and as such, I feel that you did the right action. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 22:56, 5 August 2023 (UTC) == Teenage Kraken == Okay, who the hell vandalised the article and how haven’t they been reported and banned yet? Thanks for helping fix it. I just came here from the Wikipedia page and saw all of… that. We’ve got to get that guy banned. [[Special:Contributions/2A00:23C6:3D09:D801:284F:C73:72DE:7237|2A00:23C6:3D09:D801:284F:C73:72DE:7237]] 22:13, 19 September 2023 (UTC) == Semi protected == I've semi-protected you talk page, thanks for pinging me on time. [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 23:26, 19 September 2023 (UTC) == Please help! == Some anonymous user constantly keeps editing the quotes on [[The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius/Season 1]] with quotes differing from the actual episode. I tried changing them back, but they keep undoing everything back saying "it's not fixed". Go to the history [[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=The_Adventures_of_Jimmy_Neutron:_Boy_Genius/Season_1&action=history here]] and I'll show you. [[Special:Contributions/73.160.181.203|73.160.181.203]] 20:03, 18 February 2025 (UTC) == I'm restoring accurate dialogue to the movie. == Stop removing the accurate dialogue that I keep adding, because the dialogue I add is correct. [[Special:Contributions/2601:600:967F:A6D0:9DAB:10A6:B569:FDD5|2601:600:967F:A6D0:9DAB:10A6:B569:FDD5]] 23:26, 30 March 2025 (UTC) == I am not vandalizing anything. == It's not excessive dialogue, period. That is considered gaslighting. [[Special:Contributions/2601:600:967F:A6D0:E4FB:2A8C:D35F:BF86|2601:600:967F:A6D0:E4FB:2A8C:D35F:BF86]] 19:38, 1 April 2025 (UTC) == Hhhhh == I care because you are jealous of my notability [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:32, 6 June 2026 (UTC) == Last Warning == Stop adding deletion tag to my article [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:33, 6 June 2026 (UTC) jfbhrdo68cugh6qd5oj2bqg0a3vsy5s 3949414 3949413 2026-06-06T03:36:32Z 03isrflo62410 1485946 Or else what lol? 3949414 wikitext text/x-wiki {{Talk header}} Hello, 03isrflo62410, and welcome to the [[Wikiquote:About|English Wikiquote]], a free compendium of quotations written collaboratively by people just like you! * For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read [[Wikiquote:Wikiquote]]. ** See also [[Wikiquote:What Wikiquote is not|What Wikiquote is not]] for common activities that Wikiquote does not support. * To browse Wikiquote, take a look at our [[Wikiquote:Browse|browsing start page]]. * Before creating new articles, consult our [[Wikiquote:Guide to layout|guide]]. You may practice [[Wikiquote:How to edit a page|how to edit a page]] at [[Wikiquote:Sandbox|Sandbox]]. * Please remember to use [[Help:Edit summary|edit summaries]] when editing pages. * When posting to a discussion, [[Wikiquote:Sign your posts on talk pages|please sign with a date]] by writing four tildes (~&#126;~~) and saving. * [[w:Wikipedia:Be bold|Be bold]]. To ask for advice or assistance feel free to drop by the [[WQ:VP|Village Pump]] or ask on my talk page. Happy editing! And again, welcome! 22:36, 24 March 2023 (UTC)[[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) == [[The Amazing World of Gumball]] == Thank you for your contribution on this page. IMO, this page is heavily vandalized, FWIW, there are a lot of strange characters noted on that page, such as spongebob, soul eater and something like that. I'm inclined to protect it for a while, do you mind helping me review it? [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 22:38, 24 March 2023 (UTC) :I don't mind helping review it. After all, that page gets vandalized ''a lot'' by the same user. I assume this same user is the one that vandalized the Soul Eater article with that "SoulEaterFan" spam/vandalism/nonsense. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 22:40, 24 March 2023 (UTC) :: I've protected that page and blocked that IP, thanks for your reports. [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 22:41, 24 March 2023 (UTC) == User page == Hi, I've semi-protected your userpage to prevent vandalism. This doesn't affect you, as you can edit it regardless, but if you want it unprotected, then let me know, and it can be unprotected. Thanks :) --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] <small>([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])</small> 22:37, 5 August 2023 (UTC) :I don't mind it being protected. It's been vandalized a whole lot, and as such, I feel that you did the right action. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 22:56, 5 August 2023 (UTC) == Teenage Kraken == Okay, who the hell vandalised the article and how haven’t they been reported and banned yet? Thanks for helping fix it. I just came here from the Wikipedia page and saw all of… that. We’ve got to get that guy banned. [[Special:Contributions/2A00:23C6:3D09:D801:284F:C73:72DE:7237|2A00:23C6:3D09:D801:284F:C73:72DE:7237]] 22:13, 19 September 2023 (UTC) == Semi protected == I've semi-protected you talk page, thanks for pinging me on time. [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 23:26, 19 September 2023 (UTC) == Please help! == Some anonymous user constantly keeps editing the quotes on [[The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius/Season 1]] with quotes differing from the actual episode. I tried changing them back, but they keep undoing everything back saying "it's not fixed". Go to the history [[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=The_Adventures_of_Jimmy_Neutron:_Boy_Genius/Season_1&action=history here]] and I'll show you. [[Special:Contributions/73.160.181.203|73.160.181.203]] 20:03, 18 February 2025 (UTC) == I'm restoring accurate dialogue to the movie. == Stop removing the accurate dialogue that I keep adding, because the dialogue I add is correct. [[Special:Contributions/2601:600:967F:A6D0:9DAB:10A6:B569:FDD5|2601:600:967F:A6D0:9DAB:10A6:B569:FDD5]] 23:26, 30 March 2025 (UTC) == I am not vandalizing anything. == It's not excessive dialogue, period. That is considered gaslighting. [[Special:Contributions/2601:600:967F:A6D0:E4FB:2A8C:D35F:BF86|2601:600:967F:A6D0:E4FB:2A8C:D35F:BF86]] 19:38, 1 April 2025 (UTC) t3mlflpwur79x0qcfdiq4icxhcxshac 3949416 3949414 2026-06-06T03:40:12Z Rap Goddess0 3337101 /* Go look for job ok */ new section 3949416 wikitext text/x-wiki {{Talk header}} Hello, 03isrflo62410, and welcome to the [[Wikiquote:About|English Wikiquote]], a free compendium of quotations written collaboratively by people just like you! * For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read [[Wikiquote:Wikiquote]]. ** See also [[Wikiquote:What Wikiquote is not|What Wikiquote is not]] for common activities that Wikiquote does not support. * To browse Wikiquote, take a look at our [[Wikiquote:Browse|browsing start page]]. * Before creating new articles, consult our [[Wikiquote:Guide to layout|guide]]. You may practice [[Wikiquote:How to edit a page|how to edit a page]] at [[Wikiquote:Sandbox|Sandbox]]. * Please remember to use [[Help:Edit summary|edit summaries]] when editing pages. * When posting to a discussion, [[Wikiquote:Sign your posts on talk pages|please sign with a date]] by writing four tildes (~&#126;~~) and saving. * [[w:Wikipedia:Be bold|Be bold]]. To ask for advice or assistance feel free to drop by the [[WQ:VP|Village Pump]] or ask on my talk page. Happy editing! And again, welcome! 22:36, 24 March 2023 (UTC)[[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) == [[The Amazing World of Gumball]] == Thank you for your contribution on this page. IMO, this page is heavily vandalized, FWIW, there are a lot of strange characters noted on that page, such as spongebob, soul eater and something like that. I'm inclined to protect it for a while, do you mind helping me review it? [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 22:38, 24 March 2023 (UTC) :I don't mind helping review it. After all, that page gets vandalized ''a lot'' by the same user. I assume this same user is the one that vandalized the Soul Eater article with that "SoulEaterFan" spam/vandalism/nonsense. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 22:40, 24 March 2023 (UTC) :: I've protected that page and blocked that IP, thanks for your reports. [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 22:41, 24 March 2023 (UTC) == User page == Hi, I've semi-protected your userpage to prevent vandalism. This doesn't affect you, as you can edit it regardless, but if you want it unprotected, then let me know, and it can be unprotected. Thanks :) --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] <small>([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])</small> 22:37, 5 August 2023 (UTC) :I don't mind it being protected. It's been vandalized a whole lot, and as such, I feel that you did the right action. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 22:56, 5 August 2023 (UTC) == Teenage Kraken == Okay, who the hell vandalised the article and how haven’t they been reported and banned yet? Thanks for helping fix it. I just came here from the Wikipedia page and saw all of… that. We’ve got to get that guy banned. [[Special:Contributions/2A00:23C6:3D09:D801:284F:C73:72DE:7237|2A00:23C6:3D09:D801:284F:C73:72DE:7237]] 22:13, 19 September 2023 (UTC) == Semi protected == I've semi-protected you talk page, thanks for pinging me on time. [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 23:26, 19 September 2023 (UTC) == Please help! == Some anonymous user constantly keeps editing the quotes on [[The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius/Season 1]] with quotes differing from the actual episode. I tried changing them back, but they keep undoing everything back saying "it's not fixed". Go to the history [[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=The_Adventures_of_Jimmy_Neutron:_Boy_Genius/Season_1&action=history here]] and I'll show you. [[Special:Contributions/73.160.181.203|73.160.181.203]] 20:03, 18 February 2025 (UTC) == I'm restoring accurate dialogue to the movie. == Stop removing the accurate dialogue that I keep adding, because the dialogue I add is correct. [[Special:Contributions/2601:600:967F:A6D0:9DAB:10A6:B569:FDD5|2601:600:967F:A6D0:9DAB:10A6:B569:FDD5]] 23:26, 30 March 2025 (UTC) == I am not vandalizing anything. == It's not excessive dialogue, period. That is considered gaslighting. [[Special:Contributions/2601:600:967F:A6D0:E4FB:2A8C:D35F:BF86|2601:600:967F:A6D0:E4FB:2A8C:D35F:BF86]] 19:38, 1 April 2025 (UTC) == Go look for job ok == You are here busy with my article, please get a proper job gng [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:40, 6 June 2026 (UTC) p3bu9boxljqqc8zxvc047z0z0bu5qu3 3949417 3949416 2026-06-06T03:40:46Z Rap Goddess0 3337101 /* Go look for job ok */ Reply 3949417 wikitext text/x-wiki {{Talk header}} Hello, 03isrflo62410, and welcome to the [[Wikiquote:About|English Wikiquote]], a free compendium of quotations written collaboratively by people just like you! * For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read [[Wikiquote:Wikiquote]]. ** See also [[Wikiquote:What Wikiquote is not|What Wikiquote is not]] for common activities that Wikiquote does not support. * To browse Wikiquote, take a look at our [[Wikiquote:Browse|browsing start page]]. * Before creating new articles, consult our [[Wikiquote:Guide to layout|guide]]. You may practice [[Wikiquote:How to edit a page|how to edit a page]] at [[Wikiquote:Sandbox|Sandbox]]. * Please remember to use [[Help:Edit summary|edit summaries]] when editing pages. * When posting to a discussion, [[Wikiquote:Sign your posts on talk pages|please sign with a date]] by writing four tildes (~&#126;~~) and saving. * [[w:Wikipedia:Be bold|Be bold]]. To ask for advice or assistance feel free to drop by the [[WQ:VP|Village Pump]] or ask on my talk page. Happy editing! And again, welcome! 22:36, 24 March 2023 (UTC)[[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) == [[The Amazing World of Gumball]] == Thank you for your contribution on this page. IMO, this page is heavily vandalized, FWIW, there are a lot of strange characters noted on that page, such as spongebob, soul eater and something like that. I'm inclined to protect it for a while, do you mind helping me review it? [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 22:38, 24 March 2023 (UTC) :I don't mind helping review it. After all, that page gets vandalized ''a lot'' by the same user. I assume this same user is the one that vandalized the Soul Eater article with that "SoulEaterFan" spam/vandalism/nonsense. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 22:40, 24 March 2023 (UTC) :: I've protected that page and blocked that IP, thanks for your reports. [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 22:41, 24 March 2023 (UTC) == User page == Hi, I've semi-protected your userpage to prevent vandalism. This doesn't affect you, as you can edit it regardless, but if you want it unprotected, then let me know, and it can be unprotected. Thanks :) --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] <small>([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])</small> 22:37, 5 August 2023 (UTC) :I don't mind it being protected. It's been vandalized a whole lot, and as such, I feel that you did the right action. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 22:56, 5 August 2023 (UTC) == Teenage Kraken == Okay, who the hell vandalised the article and how haven’t they been reported and banned yet? Thanks for helping fix it. I just came here from the Wikipedia page and saw all of… that. We’ve got to get that guy banned. [[Special:Contributions/2A00:23C6:3D09:D801:284F:C73:72DE:7237|2A00:23C6:3D09:D801:284F:C73:72DE:7237]] 22:13, 19 September 2023 (UTC) == Semi protected == I've semi-protected you talk page, thanks for pinging me on time. [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 23:26, 19 September 2023 (UTC) == Please help! == Some anonymous user constantly keeps editing the quotes on [[The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius/Season 1]] with quotes differing from the actual episode. I tried changing them back, but they keep undoing everything back saying "it's not fixed". Go to the history [[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=The_Adventures_of_Jimmy_Neutron:_Boy_Genius/Season_1&action=history here]] and I'll show you. [[Special:Contributions/73.160.181.203|73.160.181.203]] 20:03, 18 February 2025 (UTC) == I'm restoring accurate dialogue to the movie. == Stop removing the accurate dialogue that I keep adding, because the dialogue I add is correct. [[Special:Contributions/2601:600:967F:A6D0:9DAB:10A6:B569:FDD5|2601:600:967F:A6D0:9DAB:10A6:B569:FDD5]] 23:26, 30 March 2025 (UTC) == I am not vandalizing anything. == It's not excessive dialogue, period. That is considered gaslighting. [[Special:Contributions/2601:600:967F:A6D0:E4FB:2A8C:D35F:BF86|2601:600:967F:A6D0:E4FB:2A8C:D35F:BF86]] 19:38, 1 April 2025 (UTC) == Go look for job ok == You are here busy with my article, please get a proper job gng [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:40, 6 June 2026 (UTC) :😏 [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:40, 6 June 2026 (UTC) 37s240kteehh5zrut19fo2fmjy9zvs8 3949418 3949417 2026-06-06T03:48:21Z MathXplore 3050778 Reverted edits by [[Special:Contributions/Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) to last version by 03isrflo62410 3949414 wikitext text/x-wiki {{Talk header}} Hello, 03isrflo62410, and welcome to the [[Wikiquote:About|English Wikiquote]], a free compendium of quotations written collaboratively by people just like you! * For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read [[Wikiquote:Wikiquote]]. ** See also [[Wikiquote:What Wikiquote is not|What Wikiquote is not]] for common activities that Wikiquote does not support. * To browse Wikiquote, take a look at our [[Wikiquote:Browse|browsing start page]]. * Before creating new articles, consult our [[Wikiquote:Guide to layout|guide]]. You may practice [[Wikiquote:How to edit a page|how to edit a page]] at [[Wikiquote:Sandbox|Sandbox]]. * Please remember to use [[Help:Edit summary|edit summaries]] when editing pages. * When posting to a discussion, [[Wikiquote:Sign your posts on talk pages|please sign with a date]] by writing four tildes (~&#126;~~) and saving. * [[w:Wikipedia:Be bold|Be bold]]. To ask for advice or assistance feel free to drop by the [[WQ:VP|Village Pump]] or ask on my talk page. Happy editing! And again, welcome! 22:36, 24 March 2023 (UTC)[[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) == [[The Amazing World of Gumball]] == Thank you for your contribution on this page. IMO, this page is heavily vandalized, FWIW, there are a lot of strange characters noted on that page, such as spongebob, soul eater and something like that. I'm inclined to protect it for a while, do you mind helping me review it? [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 22:38, 24 March 2023 (UTC) :I don't mind helping review it. After all, that page gets vandalized ''a lot'' by the same user. I assume this same user is the one that vandalized the Soul Eater article with that "SoulEaterFan" spam/vandalism/nonsense. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 22:40, 24 March 2023 (UTC) :: I've protected that page and blocked that IP, thanks for your reports. [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 22:41, 24 March 2023 (UTC) == User page == Hi, I've semi-protected your userpage to prevent vandalism. This doesn't affect you, as you can edit it regardless, but if you want it unprotected, then let me know, and it can be unprotected. Thanks :) --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] <small>([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])</small> 22:37, 5 August 2023 (UTC) :I don't mind it being protected. It's been vandalized a whole lot, and as such, I feel that you did the right action. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 22:56, 5 August 2023 (UTC) == Teenage Kraken == Okay, who the hell vandalised the article and how haven’t they been reported and banned yet? Thanks for helping fix it. I just came here from the Wikipedia page and saw all of… that. We’ve got to get that guy banned. [[Special:Contributions/2A00:23C6:3D09:D801:284F:C73:72DE:7237|2A00:23C6:3D09:D801:284F:C73:72DE:7237]] 22:13, 19 September 2023 (UTC) == Semi protected == I've semi-protected you talk page, thanks for pinging me on time. [[User:Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] ([[User talk:Lemonaka|talk]]) 23:26, 19 September 2023 (UTC) == Please help! == Some anonymous user constantly keeps editing the quotes on [[The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius/Season 1]] with quotes differing from the actual episode. I tried changing them back, but they keep undoing everything back saying "it's not fixed". Go to the history [[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=The_Adventures_of_Jimmy_Neutron:_Boy_Genius/Season_1&action=history here]] and I'll show you. [[Special:Contributions/73.160.181.203|73.160.181.203]] 20:03, 18 February 2025 (UTC) == I'm restoring accurate dialogue to the movie. == Stop removing the accurate dialogue that I keep adding, because the dialogue I add is correct. [[Special:Contributions/2601:600:967F:A6D0:9DAB:10A6:B569:FDD5|2601:600:967F:A6D0:9DAB:10A6:B569:FDD5]] 23:26, 30 March 2025 (UTC) == I am not vandalizing anything. == It's not excessive dialogue, period. That is considered gaslighting. [[Special:Contributions/2601:600:967F:A6D0:E4FB:2A8C:D35F:BF86|2601:600:967F:A6D0:E4FB:2A8C:D35F:BF86]] 19:38, 1 April 2025 (UTC) t3mlflpwur79x0qcfdiq4icxhcxshac 0 262395 3949397 3947605 2026-06-06T02:57:11Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* My Freaky Valentine [4.08-10] */ 3949397 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)|1]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 2)|2]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|3 Enter the Shadow Realm]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)|4 Waking the Dragons]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 5)|5 Grand Championship and Dawn of the Duel]] | '''Movies''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie: Pyramid of Light]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Dark Side of Dimensions|The Dark Side of Dimensions]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: Bonds Beyond Time|Bonds Beyond Time]] | [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of '''''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'''''. ==Waking the Dragons Arc== ===''A New Evil'' [4.01-02]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rex Raptor''': Ever hear of stepping aside?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yeah! What's your problem? :'''Gurimo''': The problem should be yours when I strip you two fools of your souls. :'''Rex Raptor''': Does the Grim Reaper know you've raided his wardrobe? :'''Gurimo''': ''[his eyes glow green, explaining the Orichalcos]'' ''Quod valedico vestrum animus.'' :'''Rex Raptor''': Say what?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': I-I think you just got him mad! :'''Gurimo''': Rise on your feet and Duel! ''[activates his Chaos Duel Disk and Weevil and Rex scream in terror off-screen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great deities of domination, I call upon thee. Use the pharaoh's force to penetrate the dominion of the beasts and liberate the fury of 10,000 years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gurimo''': Your fate is now sealed. ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Looks like someone needs a rest. :'''Valon''': The boss warned us that the Egyptian God Cards and the magic of the Orichalcos might not mix so well, didn't he? :'''Alister''': I think that geezer's just getting too old for this. :'''Rafael''': Well, that's why we made him Duel first, right? To test the Pharaoh's strength. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Now why does all these weird stuff always happen to us? ''[Yugi is silent]'' You've gotta admit, it's true. :''[Rebecca runs up to meet Yugi]'' :'''Rebecca Hawkins''': Yugi! ''[Hugs Yugi]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[Very surprised]'' Uh, hey....you! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no, don't tell me you forgot about me already! :'''Tristan''': Yet another weird event to add to the list. :'''Joey''': And this one tops them all. :'''Tristan''': It's probably best if we don't interfere! :'''Tea''': ''[Leaning towards Yugi]'' Do you know this person, Yugi? :'''Yugi''': Um, I don't think so. :'''Rebecca''': Maybe this will refresh your memory! ''[Holds up a card]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[After flashback]'' Ah, Rebecca! :'''Joey''': It's that brat! :'''Rebecca''': Hi! ''[Big smile; waves her hand]'' :'''Joey''': Wait, she looks different. Did she get a haircut or something? :'''Tristan''': No dude, she traded her teddy bear for glasses. :'''Rebecca''': ''[Hugs Yugi]'' I don't need a bear... now that I've got a boyfriend to protect me! :'''Tea''': Um, excuse me? A boyfriend!? :'''Rebecca''': ''[Another hug]'' My grandpa is also really excited to see you Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins? :'''Rebecca''': Yeah, he's waiting at the Museum. :'''Tea''': Grrr... ''[Anime vein throb]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Remarkable, Isn't it? :'''Solomon''': That's my boy. :'''Yugi''': Hey, guys! :'''Arthur''': Yugi Muto. You're just the person I need to see. I have a theory that all of these monster sightings have something to do with you. :'''Yugi''': Huh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, gang, Home, sweet home. :'''Rafael''': Wait til the boss hears we found the Pharaoh. ===''Legend of the Dragons'' [4.03]=== :'''Arthur''': My granddaughter is quite gifted. :'''Rebecca''': Oh, Grandpa! I'm just your average child genius. "Genius" - G.E.N.I.U.S. :'''Joey''': Very impressive, but can she spell "obnoxious"? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Solomon''': I’m gonna take Arthur and Rebecca to the airport. :'''Rebecca''': ''[hugging Yugi]'' Goodbye, cutie. ''[she kisses Yugi on the cheek and hops on the Taxi, Téa annoyed]'' Ta-ta. ''[Taxi door closes and it drives off to the airport]'' :'''Tristan''': Good riddances. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': We located the Pharaoh, Master. Unfortunately, we weren't able to capture his soul. :'''Dartz''': I didn't expect you to defeat him this soon. We've just begun. :'''Rafael''': But you know me, Master. I never come back empty handed. ''[walks forward with a small wooden box, and opens it to reveal the three Egyptian God Cards inside]'' :'''Dartz''': Excellent, the Egyptian Gods. ''[reaches out and takes the three cards in his hand]'' At long last. I've waited an eternity to hold their power in my hands. ''[the cards begin glowing]'' I finally possess the supreme force necessary to awaken the Great Beast! ''[walks to the altar at the far end of the temple]'' Soon we shall rid the Earth of mankind, and rebuild civilization as it once was! ''[places the Egyptian God Cards in the mouths of three huge stone serpents, with Ra in the middle, Slifer on the right and Obelisk on the left]'' Serpents of the Orichalcos, please hear my call! ''[raises his hands in worship]'' I offer thee the Gods of Egypt! Use their divine might to unlock the sacred chamber of the Great Beast! Awaken him from his ancient slumber by accepting my offering! :''[Dartz laughs evilly as the three cards emanate a powerful beam of energy, which then shoots up past the temple roof and into the sky, culminating in an explosion of white light which clears to reveal an array of multicoloured lights floating in the sky]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has arrived, my friends. Finally, after ten thousand years, the Great Leviathan shall rise again! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We’ve only just begun. The great beast is still weak so he retreated for the moment. And for that my companions and I are truly my Pharaoh. But many of us remain prisoners on the other side. :'''Yugi''': What’s next? :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The great beast will return again… and his power will grow! He must be stopped before he is fully restored! Time is running out! :'''Yugi''': Seems like Timaeus is strong but not strong enough. :'''Yami Yugi''': We must release the other two dragons. ===''The Creator Returns'' [4.04]=== :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': ''[on tv]'' Greetings, Yugi-boy. It's been so long. You never call, you never write - after all we've been through together, you could at least send an email. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master Dartz. ''[kneels before Dartz]'' I know what to do. I'll find the Pharaoh. And this time, I'll make sure we drain his power to feed the Great Beast, sir. :'''Dartz''': Why don't you try listening? It's really a wonderful skill. ''[turns around]'' And when you master it, you'll realise that we need more than just the Pharaoh's soul! :'''Alister''': Then we'll deal with the others too. I'll take Kaiba. :'''Valon''': I got my eye on someone too. That feisty little bloke Joey Wheeler. ''[laughs]'' He should be fun to take apart. :'''Alister''': I know why you're after Wheeler. :'''Valon''': Mind your own business, Alister! What about you? Why the sudden interest in Kaiba? :'''Alister''': Look, I have my reasons, Valon. :'''Valon''': Really?! :'''Rafael''': Knock it off! We're in the presence of Master Dartz! :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh and his friends are on his way to speak with the one we've been watching. Just make certain that you reach him before they do. :'''Rafael''': Pegasus? :'''Dartz''': And to think, I called you a bad listener. Now go see Pegasus at once! :''[Alister and Valon join Rafael in kneeling before Dartz]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I can’t believe the very monsters I made famous and now terrorising people around the world. Oh. Talk about bad publicity. :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[offscreen]'' Do ''you'' always talk to yourself like that? :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': ''[turns looks at the window shelf a strange figure is Mai Valentine]'' Huh? :'''Mai Valentine''': ''You'' got to get yourself some friends, honey. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': But how did ''you'' get past ''my'' security? :'''Mai Valentine''': I guess ''your'' office isn’t as secure as you think it is, money bags. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I know you, you’re Mai Valentine. Tell me, why did ''you'' come here? :'''Mai Valentine''': Good question. ''I'' came here to duel ''you''. And to take ''your'' soul. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': '''NO!''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yugi and his friends at the airport]'' :'''Yugi''': I'll see you soon, Grandpa. :'''Solomon''': Take care, Yugi. And don't forget to keep your seats upright during takeoff. And don't fill up on peanuts. :'''Yugi''': Sure, bye, Grandpa. :'''Tea Gardner''': Well, we're off. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the ride. :'''Solomon''': You kids be careful, now! :''[Weevil and Rex are sneaking to followed Yugi and his friends to be stowaways hiding in the bag.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': Kaiba boy! I missed you! ===''Deja Duel!'' [4.05-06]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mokuba''': Seto, We're approaching Duelist Kingdom. :'''Seto''': I'll try to make this quick. The less time I spend here, the better. :'''Mokuba''': Me, too. This place has nothing but bad memories. :'''Seto''': Initiate the landing sequence now. :'''Mokuba''': You got it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': What did I do to deserve such hatred? :'''Seto''': It's a long list and I'm short on time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': I just haven't been myself lately. in fact... ''[in Alister's voice]'' I mean that quite literally. :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Alister''': Surprise! ''[chuckling, he rips himself off, revealing Alister]'' I've waited for this day for a long time, Kaiba-boy. :'''Seto''': You're gonna pay for tricking me like that! :'''Alister''': ''[as Pegasus' voice]'' Pretty good imitation, right? :'''Seto''': Identify yourself. :'''Alister''': ''[normal voice]'' Alister's the name, Kaiba boy! Now let's duel! ''[activates his chaos duel disk and draws a card]'' Hm. ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' This magic card is about to change everything. Activating the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Seto''': What's that? :'''Mokuba''': This is nuts! :'''Seto''': Explain yourself now! :'''Alister''': Oh, as if you're gonna believe me? :'''Seto''': Try me. :'''Alister''': We're trapped in here till the duel's over. Then once I crush you, I'll be able to get out. Hmm. Of course, you on the other hand won't be quite as lucky as myself Kaiba boy. :'''Seto''': What do you mean? :'''Alister''': When you lose, your soul will be locked away for all eternity... But this time, you won't be set free! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Let's get on with this. I summon Gorlag in attack mode! And here's a little bonus. :'''Seto''': Your monster just got stronger! But how?! :'''Alister''': Remember the Seal of Orichalcos? As long as it stays active on the field, every one of my monsters gets 500 attack point boost. :'''Seto''': What?! :'''Alister''': You heard me. Plus, my Gorlag gets another 500 points for every fire monster on the field. :'''Seto''': There are none! :'''Alister''': Oh, no? What do you think my Gorlag's made of? Ready, Gorlag? Attack his Versago the Destroyer, now! ''[Gorlag attacks Seto's monster and it reappears on his side of the field]'' :'''Seto''': ''[thinking]'' What's that?! :'''Alister''': Did I forget to mention my Gorlag's ''other'' special ability? Every time he destroys one of my opponent's monsters, that very same monster reappears on ''my'' side of the field-- only this time, it becomes a creature of fire! And you remember what happens when a creature of fire is on the field, right? My Gorlag gets even stronger! It's over for you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': It used to be my brother's! But I'll never see him again… 'cause your father took him away from me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''An Unexpected Enemy'' [4.07]=== :'''Rafael''': Someone out there likes to crash parties. Let's find out who. ''[drives off]'' :'''Valon''': I already know. And I know just where she's going too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Don't we get a "hi"? What's with the silent treatment, Mai. :'''Mai''': ''I'm'' not Mai. at least not the Mai ''you'' knew. :'''Joey''': What? :'''Mai''': ''You'' heard me. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#The Creator Returns (E.4)|she and Pegasus' duel at Industrial Illusions]], flashback ends.]'' Alright, gang. ''[holds up the card is Maximillion Pegasus' soul is captured by the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Say hello to Pegasus. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' What? :'''Tristan''': ''[shocked]'' Whoa... Is that really him? :'''Téa''': Ah... Question: Did ''you'' do that to ''him?'' :'''Joey''': Look! ''You'' better start talking! :'''Valon''': ''[offscreen]'' or else what!? :'''Joey''': Huh? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey, Yami Yugi, Téa and Tristan looks up and spots at Valon and Rafael on top]'' :'''Valon''': What's the matter, Wheeler, did your little reunion with Mai not go as well as you expected it to do? ''[to Mai]'' And you! Why are you keeping these guys all for yourself, Mai? Why don't ''you'' show some manners and share the fun with us? :'''Mai''': Mind ''your'' own business, you lackey! These geeks ''are'' mine, so deal with it! :'''Joey''': ''Geeks!?'' But we're ''your'' friends, Mai. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_3)#One_for_the_Road|Joey and Mai after the battle city finals]]]'' Please, Mai! ''Tell me'' this is all a joke! You're on ''our'' side, remember?! :'''Tristan''': Great. Mai totally sold ''us'' out! :'''Téa''': No! Mai would ''never'' do that! ''[to Mai]'' ''Tell him''. You're still ''our'' friend, right? :'''Yami Yugi''': Time to explain yourself. :'''Mai''': I was never a ''part'' of your little playgroup. And now ''I'm'' gonna break you apart one-by-one. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' And Wheeler… I'm starting with you! :'''Joey''': Fine! :'''Mai''': It's payback time, and it all starts, now! And to think, I was once pathetic enough to call you ''my'' friend. But now I know the truth! ''You'' were holding ''me'' back from achieving ''true'' power! So say hello to my ''real'' friend… THE SEAL OF ORICHALCOS! This card's done for me than ''you'' losers ever could! ''[activates the card, trapping Joey and herself in it]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Not this! :'''Mai''': ''[evilly chuckles sinisterly]'' If you're scared now, just wait till ''you'' lose. :'''Joey''': ''Wake up, Mai!'' This thing's nothing but bad news! It's messing up ''your'' head, big time! Don't ''you'' remember everything we've been through together? Just ditch ''that'' freaky card, and things can be the way ''they'' use to be! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': It's exactly as I feared. The Orichalcos controls her! This duel must end. :'''Téa''': Otherwise, ''she's'' gonna do the same thing to Joey that ''she'' did to Pegasus! ===''My Freaky Valentine'' [4.08-10]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mai''': What are you waiting for, Wheeler? :'''Joey''': I'm waiting for you to come to your senses! :'''Tristan''': She's lost it. How can she side with the enemy?! :'''Téa''': It's all because of that Orichalcos thing! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now, one of them will lose ''their'' soul. :'''Téa''': No, you ''can't'' do this! Don't ''you'' see you're letting that magic card control you, Mai! You're putting ''your'' own life in danger! :'''Yugi''': They can't go through with this! We've got to do something! :'''Yami-Yugi''': But the Puzzle is powerless ''against'' that seal. :'''Valon''': Ey, Pharaoh! Quit mumblin' to yourself down there, will ya? In case you didn't realize this last time, nothing can break the Seal of Orichalcos! Once it appears, it doesn't disappear until a soul's been captured! :'''Rafael''': And don't think you're off the hook, Pharaoh. As soon as the girl takes your friend's soul, and ''I'm'' takin' yours. :'''Mai''': Get back in ''your'' cage, gorilla boy! When ''I'm'' done with Wheeler… Yugi belongs to ''me!'' :'''Yami-Yugi''': But why? :'''Téa''': ''She's'' nuts! :'''Rafael''': I never liked her. No respect. Any more lip from Mai and ''she's'' next. :'''Valon''': Aw, give the girl a break, will ya? She's still new at all this, mate. Plus, she's kinda cute when ''she'' gets mad, don't ya think? :'''Rafael''': Uh, no. :'''Mai''': When are you gonna make your move, hotshot? This year would be nice. :'''Joey''': What did I say?! ''I'm'' not gonna duel ''against'' you, Mai! :'''Mai''': Afraid you're not good enough? Afraid you're gonna lose like ''you'' did in Battle City? I shoulda known you'd back down! :'''Joey''': Actually, ''I'm'' afraid I'm gonna win. 'Cause if I do… ''You're'' gonna pay for it by givin' up ''your'' soul! :'''Mai''': ''I'' have no soul! :'''Téa''': ''[shocked by what she said]'' You hear that?! :''[Valon whistles]'' :'''Mai''': I told you, the Mai you knew is gone! I traded in her soul for power! The old Mai was too lonely and pathetic. The girl was just holding me back. So I did what I had to! I sent her packing! Now, my weak side's gone for good! :'''Joey''': Well, I happen to have liked the old Mai and ''I'm'' gonna get ''her'' back! :'''Mai''': I'd like to see ''you'' try! :''[Joey activated his duel disk]'' :'''Tristan''': ''He's'' gonna go through with this?! :'''Téa''': Be careful, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duke Devlin''': This a bad sign, guys :'''Rex Raptor''': Whoa, what you think happened here? :'''Weevil Underwood''': A gas station exploded, you brainiac. :'''Duke''': Wait a sec? Yugi! ''[droves off to fast]'' :'''Weevil''': If I have whiplash you’re gonna hear from my lawyers! :'''Duke''': Listen I’ve got a hunch, guys. Hold on! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai activates her Nightmare Tri-Mirror trap card to transform the reflection of Joey's Scapegoats into four more Harpie Ladies, thus giving her a total of six Harpies]'' :'''Tristan''': Wait just a second, she can't have six monsters in play! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Remember, Tristan, thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, Mai is allowed to have up to ''ten'' monsters on the field at once. :'''Tristan''': D'oh! Stupid magic thing! :'''Mai''': Now this is what I call, "girl power!" You're up against six Haripe Ladies all enhanced with the power of my magic card! I place one card facedown on the field. It was nice knowin' ya! I've got six Harpie Ladies and one big magic circle, and we all agree you're in over your head, Wheeler. Lucky for you, it's your move or I'd finish you off right now. So what's it gonna be? :'''Tristan''': There's nothing he can do! Mai backed Joey into a corner and now he's stuck there! :'''Yugi''': Tristan's got a point. If Joey doesn't do something quick, Mai is gonna win the duel! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's true. And as long as the Seal of Orichalcos is on the field, Mai has all sorts of advantages. It even seems as though there are certain magic and trap cards that only she is allowed to use. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I summon Panther Warrior in attack mode! Now, I sacrifice one scapegoat so my panther can attack! :'''Mai''': I reveal my facedown card! Harpie Lady Sparrow Formation! :'''Joey''': What?! :'''Mai''': My Harpie Ladies have all joined forces to repel your attack! :'''Tristan''': Mai didn't have that card back in Battle City. :'''Téa''': You're right. :'''Yami-Yugi''': It seems as though she's gone through more than a few changes since the last time we saw her-- including a stronger deck! :'''Joey''': Look, Mai... I don't know what kind of spell these guys put on ya but you gotta ''wake up!'' Otherwise we're both gonna be in pretty big trouble! :'''Mai''': What spell!? No one's controlling ''me!'' ''[looks up on Valon and Rafael]'' Those two lackeys up there couldn't control my left pinky. ''I'' was sick of ''my'' life... So I ''chose'' to change it! :''[Téa, Tristan and the Pharaoh gasps and horrifying]'' :'''Joey''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Téa''': How could ''you''!? :'''Mai''': ''You'' guys wouldn't understand. You've never been an outsider like me... All alone. Duel monsters is all I have. And after [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|the Battle City tournament]], I set out to become the best. I duel against chump after chump to improve my dueling skills. I needed to make a name for myself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Female fan''': And Joey Wheeler’s always been my favourite. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I stopped whining like a loser and started taking control! Now nothing can stop me! :'''Joey''': I never knew you felt that way. Why didn't you tell us you were so unhappy? We could've helped you, Mai! :'''Mai''': '''SAVE IT!''' I don't need your kind of help! All I need now is power! And I'm about to unleash all of it on ''you!'' ''[draws]'' I play Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation! Since I have six Harpies on the field, it lets me destroy up to six of your monsters! :'''Tristan''': Hold on! Joey's only got three left! :'''Téa''': That means once Mai's Harpie Ladies attack, he'll be defenseless! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's not all. Mai's magic card will also subtract the sum of Joey's monsters' attack points from ''his'' Life Points. :'''Mai''': Now, Harpie Ladies… unite and destroy every one of his monsters! Say goodbye to your three monsters, Wheeler! Someone is one attack away from losing their soul and I don't think it's me, sweetheart. Any last requests? :'''Tristan''': Mai's got 4000 points! She hasn't even lost one! And Joey's down to his last 200! Not to mention the fact that he's out of monsters! :'''Téa''': If he doesn't think of something right now, he's gonna lose the duel! ====Part 2==== :'''Yugi''': There is a way for Joey to end this duel without someone getting hurt, isn't there? :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it won't be easy. The Seal of Orichalcos is powerful. However, it does have limitations. It can only capture a soul when a duelist loses, and there it lies the secret to escaping its wrath. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Let's hope Joey does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[spots at Weevil and Rex outside]'' It's a regalia party, What are you two guys doing here? :'''Weevil''': It's that magic circle! :'''Rex''': Yeah! The same one we were trapped in! :'''Mai''': I sacrifice my two Harpies! That allows me to summon Harpie's Pet Dragon! And thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, it gets 500 more points! Plus, it gets another 300 points for every Harpie I have on the field! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now it has 3,400 points! :'''Mai''': It's been nice knowing ya, Wheeler! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey picked his own trap card in the middle, canceling Mai's attack]'' :'''Joey''': YEAH! Bingo, baby! :'''Tristan''': I knew he could do it! :'''Téa''': You go! :'''Weevil''': Now that's luck. :'''Rex''': Yeah, next time I play Bingo, I'm bringin' him! :'''Valon''': Well, there goes your theory. :'''Joey''': Looks like your last attack didn't work. So I'm still in the game! :'''Mai''': For now, maybe. :'''Téa''': That's cool. At least Joey bought himself a little time. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it did come with a price, Téa. :'''Mai''': Impressive. But your little maneuver helped me out, too. :'''Joey''': Yeah, I know. Now you get to put the two cards you picked at the top of your deck. :'''Téa''': Oh, no! Now she can use those two cards again! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation and Harpie Sparrow Formation. Those are two of Mai's most powerful cards! :'''Mai''': You may have stopped my attack but my turn's not over. Next, I'll move one of my Harpie Ladies to my rear defense. And then, I'll place two cards facedown and end my turn. :'''Joey''': ''[thinking]'' I've got one more shot to do this, but I'm all out of ideas! ====Part 3==== :'''Valon''': ''[laughing at Joey's card fusion]'' Whoa, good one! I'm really shaking in me boots! I haven't seen a Duel Monster that scary in a long time! Run! It's a croquet hammer with wings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan Taylor''': Oh man... what was he thinking, playing that? :'''Téa Gardner''': Can he change that hammer thingy back into a dragon? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I can't lose... I can't go back there... I can't lose! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Valon, what are you doing!? :'''Valon''': With this fragment of the Orichalcos stone… I unlock the seal! :'''Rafael''': No! ''[jumps down]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey, are you alright. Joey! :'''Tristan''': ''[shocked]'' Oh man. :'''Téa''': Why did ''he'' do that? :'''Rafael''': What were you thinking, Valon? You betrayed Master Dartz and risked your own soul! And you mean to tell me you did all that so you just saved some girl, Valon. :'''Valon''': ''She's'' not just some girl, Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Would ''you'' listen to yourself, Valon!? ''[growls]'' I'll make up for this… By taken ''your'' soul, Pharaoh. The power around my neck puts your Puzzle to shame. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Hey, look! We're not locked in anymore. :'''Téa''': Yeah, but where did those two creeps go? :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': You're okay, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': Don't give up on us now. :'''Téa''': Joey. :'''Joey''': Where's Mai? Did those punks take her? :'''Téa''': I guess so. :'''Tristan''': Yeah. She's gone. :'''Joey''': ''[gasps]'' Oh no, I was so close. ''[groans]'' '''I'LL GET YOU BACK, MAI!''' <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan Taylor''': ''[Opens the door to a dark room]'' So, who wants to go in there first? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Maybe we can all draw straws or something, huh? :''[Kaiba and Mokuba push past them to walk in]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': Let's close the door and run. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': His name is Dartz. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who’s Dartz? ===''The Challenge'' [4.11]=== :'''Seto Kaiba''': No way! My mind must be playing tricks on me! :'''Joey Wheeler''': I doubt that. My card seens to be doing the same thing, Kaiba! :'''Yami Yugi''': It feels as though these three dragons are calling out to us. :'''All''': Uhh! :'''Yami Yugi''': I was told that fate had chosen three modern-day warriors to release these legendary beasts. :'''Kaiba''': Chosen by fate? Get real. I'm the one who decides my fate, Yugi! Not some fairy tale about mythical dragons and giant man-eating monsters. :'''Yami Yugi''': Be reasonable for once! The world needs us! We do this as a team! :'''Kaiba''': Sorry... I don't do the teamwork thing. :'''Yami Yugi''': Listen! :'''Kaiba''': You geeks have wasted enough of my time already. I have a multi-million dollar company to run. Playtime's over. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Mokuba''': Seto.... wait up! :'''Joey''': We don't need him weighing us down anyway. With good old Hermos over here those hoodlums won't stand a chance. :'''Tristan''': Someone's back to their old self again. About time. :'''Joey''': It took me a while, but I realized being bummed out about Mai's not gonna bring her back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[angrily]'' What were ''you'' thinking?! I was just about to finish off Wheeler, and then you had butt in and ruin everything! :'''Rafael''': You're a real piece a work. He saved your soul, and this is how you repay him? :'''Mai''': Who asked to be saved?! Maybe next time, He'll learn to butt out! :'''Rafael''': Next time... We'll just let you lose. :'''Valon''': That's enough, mate, I'm fine! :'''Mai''': Yeah, Clam up, or you'll end up just like your friend here. :'''Rafael''': ''[stands up]'' ''You'' have no idea the danger you were in. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Rafael''': Do you remember that Hermos card Wheeler played? It's an ancient dragon that can only be controlled by a chosen duelist. :'''Mai''': Ha! Yeah, ''he'' was chosen all right! Chosen to have that scrawny butt of his kicked by a ''real'' duelist! Humph. ''[hops on Valon's motorcycle]'' Later, losers! ''[droves off]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, wait! That's mine! ''[coughs]'' :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' ''You'' won't escape me this time, Wheeler. :'''Valon''': I can't let Mai get hurt. I gotta stop her. :'''Rafael''': Forget about her, Valon. Let's focus on the Pharaoh. :'''Valon''': But Master Dartz said to wait. :'''Rafael''': Yeah, Well, Master Dartz doesn't always know what's best. ''I'' should take the strongest soul first. Once I get him out of the way, The others will fall right into my hands, one by one. :'''Valon''': But how do you know the Pharaoh will duel? :'''Rafael''': Because my plan is already in place. It's only a matter of time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': A duel monster's card? ''[spots a note from Rafael and gasps]'' GRANDPA! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': You sure this is the place? :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins! Rebecca! :'''Rebecca''': Yugi. :'''Yugi''': Rebecca. What happened here? :'''Rebecca''': ''[in tears]'' Yugi… ''they'' tooked him. ''[starts to cries]'' My poor Grandpa! ''[sobbing]'' It’s not fair! He didn’t hurt anyone! :'''Yugi''': We’re gonna find him… I promise. :'''Rebecca''': Thank you. Who would do something like this?! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Oh, no! How far away is [[w:Death Valley|Death Valley]]? :'''Rebecca''': Well if we use Duke's car, it shouldn’t take us more than an hour or so. :'''Yugi''': Sorry, Rebecca… But I have to go alone. :'''Rebecca''': Why? :'''Yugi''': I’ve put you and your family in enough danger already. :'''Rebecca''': Uh-uh. Don’t be silly, Yugi. None of this is your fault at all. :'''Yugi''': Thanks, Rebecca. But It’s me they want, and you’ll be much safer here. And please, don’t tell Joey, Tristan, Téa and Duke where I’m about to go, OK? :'''Rebecca''': But why? :'''Yugi''': I don’t want them to follow me there. :'''Weevil''': Interesting. :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[looks at each other]'' Hmm? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Ready, Copernicus. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': ''[wakes up in the middle of the night to see Rebecca waiting]'' Can't sleep either, huh? ''[looks around]'' Huh? Hey, where's Yuge? :'''Rebecca''': Uh, um, uh... I promised I wouldn't tell. :'''Joey''': ''[a little later, when everyone's awake]'' Rebecca! How could you let him just leave like that? :'''Téa''': ''[calmly]'' Take it easy, Joey. It's not her fault. You guys would've done the same thing. :'''Tristan''': No, we would've talked some sense into him, Téa! :'''Joey''': ''[starts to leave]'' I'm comin', Yuge! :'''Tristan''': Joey! Get back here! ''[Joey stops]'' Hey man, what’s up? :'''Joey''': Look! :''[Professor Arthur Hawkins walking towards mobile home]'' :'''Tristan''': Professor Hawkins! :'''Rebecca''': My Grandpa! :'''Joey''': ''[helps Professor Arthur Hawkins up]'' Professor, are you alright? :'''Rebecca''': Grandpa! ''[hugs her grandfather]'' :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, Where's Yugi? ''[Rebecca gasps]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': We’ll keep an eye out on Rex and Weevil, I don’t trust those two. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil''': We can't miss the showdown between Yugi and those guys. I have to find out how they made Mai into such a strong duelist. :'''Rex''': Can't we take a quick snack break? :''[Weevil and Rex spots Yami Yugi riding on Copernicus]'' :'''Weevil''': It's Yugi, he's getting ahead! :'''Rex''': No put the pedal to the metal! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks after her grandfather was asleep and holds Ties of Friendship card what Yugi gives her]'' Be careful, Yugi. Please. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm ready for you, Pharaoh. Thanks to my deck... and the power it holds. ===''Fate of the Pharaoh'' [4.12-14]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Very impressive, cowboy, But You'll need more than a few rodeo tricks to get yourself outta this. ''[Yami Yugi crossing the bridge]'' You see, While my associates are satisfied with stealing the souls of ''your'' friends, I'm not. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''I'' did my part. Now you release the Professor Arthur Hawkins as you promised. :'''Rafael''': He's already been set free, but since you've come all this way, you might as well stay awhile. ''[?]'' So you're gonna stick around, right? 'Cause like I said before, Pharaoh, your friends aren't good enough. I need to capture the soul of the pharaoh himself so ''I'' can save the world. :'''Yami Yugi''': Save the world? Don't ''you'' see that what you're doing is going to ''destroy'' the world? or are ''you'' so insane that you can't tell the difference? :'''Rafael''': I'm just fine. It's ''you'' who's blind to what's going on. You're fighting on the wrong side. :'''Yami Yugi''': Explain yourself. :'''Rafael''': This world's a dark and lonely place to live. It's been poisoned by mankind. All I'm trying to do is fix what's been ruined by people like you, and I'll do it by locking your spirit away for good. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who do ''you'' think you are? :'''Rafael''': Look, The name's Rafael, and I called you here to duel, not shoot the breeze. I've waited for this moment long enough and I have no intention of putting our fight off for another minute, so let's go. :'''Yami Yugi''': You've given me no choice. But know this, in the end righteousness will prevail and justice shall be served. ''[activates his KC mass production duel disk]'' :'''Rafael''': That's just what I'm hoping for. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': When I was a kid, I was fooled into believing the world was a happy place. But soon it discovered the truth: that nothing's fair and no one gets what they deserve. :'''Yami Yugi''': What a sad way to see the world. :'''Rafael''': Yeah, well, life is sad, and the sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey Weevil, Check it out. :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yugi started dueling already. ====Part 2==== :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''[after barely making it over a wooden bridge before it collapses]'' Real smooth. :'''Duke Devlin''': Don't make me turn this car around. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Well, for starters, He's a better leader than you were. That's right Pharaoh. My master told me all about your history as the king of Eqypt; How you ruled as an evil dictator using the power of the shadow realm to control your subjects. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up. ''He'' lied. :'''Rafael''': How would you know? You have no memory of your past. So isn't it possible that you're responsible for the destruction of Egypt?! Think about it! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can't be. I know I was a worthy pharaoh. I'm the one who locked the dark magic away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking] I'm out of options! There's only one card in my hand that can free my dragon so I can win the duel! I must play the Seal of Orichalcos!'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': No! You don't know what you're doing! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': Listen to me! This card is affecting your mind! :'''Yami Yugi''': We're going to lose the duel! Can't you see?! Trust me! It's the only way, Yugi! We must do this! Now let me go! :'''Yugi''': Please don't play that card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking] Excellent.'' :''[The Pharaoh activates the card]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking] What have I done?'' :'''Yugi''': No! :'''Joey''': Do you guys see what I see!? :'''Tristan''': Is that light what I think it is!? :'''Joey''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': Nice work, Pharaoh. I knew you had it in you. Now, let's see what the Orichalcos reveals about you. Are you good or are you evil? So, tell me. How do ya feel? ''[laughing]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': What have you done to my dragon!? :'''Rafael''': It's not what I've done.... It's what ''you've'' done by playing that magic card. Guess I should warned ya. Timaeus and the Orichalcos don't mix. But at least your dark side's been set free. :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I unleashed? ''[screaming]'' You were a fool to hand me this card! For when you lose, you soul will be for all eternity where it belongs! Now I activate Hand Control! All I need to do is correctly guess the name of a card in your hand and I can activate it! And since I gave you the necromancy card, I know you're holding it! Now it's mine! Ha! Necromancy allows me to bring four monsters back from my graveyard! So return to me Big Shield Gardna... Berfomet... Gazelle the king of mythical beasts... and Kuribabylon! Next I'll sacrifice Gazelle and Berfomet so I can summon my Dark Magician! Then I'll separate my Kuribabylon into the five Kuriboh brothers I used to create it! Now my monsters, feel the power of the orichalcos! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Hey, where am I? The Seal of Oricahlcos! No! ''He'' played it! What have you done, Pharaoh? <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': YUGI! ''[Yami Yugi sees Joey, Tristan and Duke arrives they shocked]'' :'''Tristan''': ''[shocked]'' No way, dude! :'''Joey''': ''[shocked]'' What's going on? Why's that oricahlcos thingy on Yugi's forehead. :''[Joey, Tristan and Duke jumped in next Weevil and Rex.]'' :'''Rex''': You guys just missed the best part. :'''Duke''': Yeah? Then why don't you two fill us in. :'''Tristan''': I don't trust these twerps as far as I can throw 'em. :'''Joey''': Hey! ''[grubs Weevil]'' My best buddy's got that freaky ding on ''his'' head and I want answers ''now!'' :'''Weevil''': Why don't you take ''your'' paws off of ''me'' and try asking nicely! :'''Joey''': Wrong answer. Now it's go time! :'''Weevil''': Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': It's the Seal of Oricahlcos! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': Yugi got it from that big muscle guy and then ''he'' activated it! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me. :''[Joey lets go off Weevil and he, Tristan and Duke gasps sees Yami Yugi faces Rafael and he using that evil spell card in horrified and Weevil panting.]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi wouldn't do that! ''He'' knows that card is ''evil!'' :''[The Pharaoh growls as the Orichalcos appears on his forehead]'' <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Alright, guys, If Yugi loses I call dibs on his Dark Magician. :'''Rex''': That's not cool. Why don't you show some compassion for a change... and let ''me'' take his Dark Magician. :'''Joey''': ''Watch it!'' <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': That doesn't sound like to Yugi I know. Come on pal... Snap out of it! <hr width50%> :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, NO! The Seal of Orichalcos is in play! So the monsters on the field are real! Please don't sacrifice the Dark Magician Girl! <hr width50%> :'''Duke''': It looks like Yugi's got this duel in the bag! :'''Tristan''': You go, Yugi! ''[to Joey]'' Nice moves, huh? ''[Joey doesn't answer]'' Earth to Joey, are you there, man? :'''Joey''': I'm here, but Yug's not. ''he's'' brainwashed! :'''Tristan''': ''[shocked]'' Say what?! :''[Duke gasps]'' :'''Joey''': He's sacrificing his monsters left and right and talking about "power." That's not Yugi's style a duelin' at all! That oricahlcos ding is messin' with his head! Just like it did to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai!]] :''[Yami Yugi chuckles evilly as a purple and black aura engulfs him, In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' How could ''he'' do this? That card is ''evil''. I ''warned'' him. <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': You let ''your'' rage take over. Now look into the eyes of ''your'' monsters! :'''Yami Yugi''': Please ''forgive me'' for what I've done to you! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Guardian Eatos, ''destroy his'' monsters and the rest of ''his'' life points! <hr width50%> :'''Yami Yugi''': '''NO!''' :'''Rex''': No way! Yugi actually lost! :'''Duke''': This ''can't'' be! :'''Tristan''': Oh man! :'''Joey''': Yugi! :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': If ''he'' lost the duel. Then he'll loses ''his'' soul! :'''Rafael''': ''[laughing]'' Time for you to pay up, Pharaoh. The Seal of Oricahlcos never leaves the field without taking something along for the ride. And this time it's you, and you have yourself to blame 'cause you sealed your own fate when you played that card. Now your life-force will awaken the Great Beast. :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Not if I can help! With ''all'' the power of the Millennium Puzzle, ''I break the Seal!'' :''[?]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, ''I'' won't let this happen to you! ''[pushes Yami Yugi out of the Seal's circle]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, no! What are you doing here!? :'''Yugi''': It only ''needs'' one of us. So ''I'm'' letting the seal take ''me'' instead. :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! YUGI! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Adios, Your Highness. :''[Yami Yugi collapses]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! You alright pal!? :'''Weevil''': I doubt it. :'''Rex''': Yeah Ditto. :'''Duke''': This is nuts. :'''Tristan''': Come on, pal. :'''Joey''': Yugi, Get up! Please, Yug! :'''Rafael''': You won't be needing these anymore. <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Ha! Hey, Rex. :'''Rex''': I know exactly what you're thinking. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Pharaoh wakes up]'' :'''Tristan''': He's awake! :'''Joey''': I knew you outsmart that big goon. So How'd ya Yug, How did you escape. ''[sees the Pharaoh crying]'' Everything alright pal? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' No, Joey. It's far from alright. I ''didn't'' outsmart ''him''. He succeeded. Yugi's gone. :'''Joey, Tristan and Duke''': ''[gasps in horror]'' Whoa! <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Dartz's lair]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly chucking]'' Great Leviathan, please accept my latest offering. :''[Camera zooming towards in the caverns all the people and next to Pegasus now Yugi has been captured in the stone, Cut to Yami Yugi, Duke, Tristan and Joey]'' :'''Joey''': I don't get it. How can you be talkin' to us if ''he'' took ''your'' soul? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' Not mine! Yugi's! ''[falls to his knees]'' IT'S ALL MY FAULT! YUGI, COME BACK! IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME, NOT HIM! IT'S NOT FAIR! ===''Trial by Stone'' [4.15]=== :''[Rex and Weevil followed Rafael on the helicopter]'' :'''Rex''': ''He's'' getting away! We have to get ''our'' hands on one of those orichalcos magic cards. Just a little more! :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Rex''': This is all your fault! Help! Mommy, I'm falling! :'''Rafael''': Oh, great. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Huh?! phew. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': How'd it go? Is everything OK? :'''Joey''': Not quite. We got a problem guys. :'''Tea''': What do you mean? :'''Duke''': Yugi ''didn't'' win. :'''Tristan''': He's gone. :'''Tea''': ''[shocked]'' Wha- :'''Tristan''': ''You'' heard me. Yugi got beat, Tea! :'''Tea''': ''You're wrong!'' If Yugi really lost that duel, those creeps would have taken ''his'' soul with their freaky magic card, Tristan! :'''Joey''': So what's ''your'' point, Tea? :'''Tea''': My point!? If ''he's'' lost how can ''he'' be standing right... ''[gasps and turns around looks at Yami Yugi]'' behind me? Oh no. :'''Rebecca''': Yugi, talk to me. What's wrong!? Why are you acting so strange!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, ''they'' got him. :'''Rebecca''': Got who? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I know. This whole thing's my fault. ''I'm'' the one who unleashed the magic that took Yugi away. :'''Rebecca''': ''You'' knew that card was evil and you still played it!? If you really were a brave pharaoh, you would never have done something like that to poor, little Yugi! :'''Tea''': ''[calmly]'' Now hold on. :'''Rebecca''': Oh, Téa! ''[sobbing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid Rebecca's right. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Joey''': What's done is done. :'''Yami Yugi''': I let everyone down. Especially Yugi. ''He'' warned me not to play the Seal of Oricalcos card, but ''my'' rage took control. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]].]'' ''He'' paid for my mistake. :'''Joey''': You got to ''snap'' outta this! :'''Yami Yugi''': He's gone, and it's all ''my'' fault. :'''Joey''': Get a grip, man! ''[Joey punches Yami Yugi to snap out of his guilt.]'' :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Joey''': If we're gonna rescue Yugi, we gotta move ahead, not look back, so pull yourself together! What we gotta do now is find out who this Dartz guy is and where ''he'' keeps all these souls! :'''Duke''': I've been suggesting we do that since day one, but nobody listens to me. :'''Tristan''': Stop thinking about yourself for once, Duke! :'''Duke''': Down, boy. Heel! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let him go, Tristan! :'''Tristan''': ''[lets go of Duke]'' Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This happened because I couldn't control my anger, and if we keep fighting amongst ourselves, the orichalcos will destroy ''us''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You’re about to meet our master, so don’t anything to stupid. :'''Alister''': Yeah, He doesn’t have as much patience as we do. :'''Rex and Weevil''': gulped. :''[They opened the door]'' :'''Rafael''': Mission accomplished, Master. :'''Weevil''': We're gonna become super villains. :''[Rex and Weevil giggling]'' :'''Rafael''': You'll be happy to know the strongest soul on Earth has been captured, Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Ah, yes. The Pharaoh. :'''Weevil''': Pharaoh? :'''Rex''': What pharaoh? :'''Dartz''': Unfortunately, Rafael, you failed again. ''[chair turns around wears a suit]'' :'''Valon''': ''[walks in with an arm in sling]'' That's right. The soul of the Pharaoh is ''still'' out there, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Alister''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Dartz''': Now watch and learn. :''[Weevil whimping]'' :'''Rex''': What's that? :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh's [[w:Rebirth|spirit inhabits the body]] of a young man. And what we have here is a clear case of mistaken identity. :''[Camera zooming towards image of Yugi Muto in stone]'' :'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Weevil''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi?! :'''Valon''': Instead of the Pharaoh, ''you'' got the soul of some kid! :'''Rafael''': I still don't understand. :'''Dartz''': Then you need to clean out your ears, you oversized baboon. Both of their spirits inhabit one body! Get it!? ''You'' captured the ''wrong'' soul! :'''Rafael''': But how!? I’m pretty sure ''I'' was dueling the Pharaoh! So the Orichcalos should have sealed him! :'''Dartz''': Well, apparently you're not as perceptive as you think you are because ''he'' got away! :'''Rafael''': That Punk! :'''Dartz''': There's no ''one'' to blame but ''yourself''! :'''Rafael''': ''[knee on]'' I can ''fixed'' this, If you’ll let ''me''. :'''Weevil''': Hey! :'''Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister''': ''[spots at Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood]'' Huh? :'''Weevil''': Let's go! :'''Rex''': Go where? :''[Rex and Weevil run to Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister and knees on]'' :'''Weevil''': Might I suggest something, sir? :'''Rex''': Like a better hideout? :'''Weevil''': Quiet! ''[bangs Rex's head]'' :'''Rex''': Ow! I'm just trying to be helpful. :'''Dartz''': Who are these two? :'''Rex''': Haven't you heard of us? Former regional duel monsters champions? :'''Rafael''': They're just a couple of wanna-be duelists who followed us here. ''They'' probably never even played the game. :'''Weevil''': ''Never played the game?!'' :'''Rex''': ''Wanna-bes?!'' We're great duelists, but we came here to become even better. :'''Weevil''': Yugi and his friends have been making fools of us ''for'' years. ''[flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#The Ultimate Great Moth|Yugi and Weevil's duel with the Summoned Skull and The Great Moth in defeat,]] and then [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Trial by Red-Eyes|Joey and Rex's duel with a Time Wizard and Red Eyes Black Dragon in defeat]] at Duelist Kingdom. flashback ends]'' Before ''they'' showed up, we ''ruled the duels.'' But lately it seems like we're just the butt of everyone's jokes. :'''Rex''': And no ''one'' likes being a butt. :'''Weevil''': Uh, What he means is, we want nothing more than to have ''our'' revenge. So, please, mister Dartz, sir, share your dueling secrets with us and we'll help you get what you want. :'''Rex''': Please! :'''Dartz''': It won't be easy. The Pharaoh and his little friends wield the power of the legendary dragons. How do you intend to fight ''against'' cards like those? :'''Weevil''': That's exactly why we need your help, sir. :'''Rex''': Yeah, Weevil and I need the seal of orichalcos. :'''Dartz''': You know, Before I share my power with you, I have to make sure you're worthy. :'''Weevil''': Give us a chance to prove it. :'''Rex''': We'll do anything. :'''Dartz''': Very well. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Deliver to me the soul of the Pharaoh and his companion young Joseph Wheeler. The Orichcalos is with you. Used it correctly and victory is yours. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Yes, sir. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Back inside the caravan]'' :'''Joey''': So they wanna rule the world. We've dealt with that before. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Joey, this time things are different. :'''Tristan''': Yeah, They're not just talking about wiping out all life on earth, they're doing it! :'''Joey''': But ''we'' know how to stop 'em. :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': ''We'' got to go straight to the source and destroy that secret weapon of theirs. :'''Tea''': You mean [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Legend_of_the_Dragons|that weird monster-zapper in the sky?]] :'''Tristan''': Unfortunately, that thing's after more than just monsters. it's using human souls to power itself up so it can wipe out the rest of us. :'''Joey''': Yeah, and right now that thing's got Yugi, so I don't know about you, but ''I'm'' not gonna stand here twiddling my thumbs. ''I'm'' gonna take action. :'''Tea''': Look, Joey, ''I'' wanna help Yugi too, but we ''can't'' just fight this thing by ourselves. We need help. :'''Rebecca''': No, Tea. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Rebecca''': In case you forgot, Those jerks burned down my grandpa's laboratory and destroyed all his research. And without any hard evidence, there's no way anyone's gonna believe our story. :'''Tea''': But we have proof. It's all down in those underwater ruins. :'''Rebecca''': Whatever was there won't be of any help to us now. The ruins are gone, guys. :'''Tea''': Someone ruined the ruins? :'''Duke''': They're one step ahead of us. :'''Arthur''': ''[opens the door]'' Don't give up so easily. :'''Rebecca''': Gramps, you're awake. :'''Tea''': Yeah, shouldn't you be resting? :'''Arthur''': I'll be fine. Anyway who could sleep with you kids chit chatting all day? Besides, I can help you find the information you need. You're right about looking to the ruins for answers. :'''Yami Yugi''': So did you discover anything more about these thugs? :'''Arthur''': Well, I can't be sure, but based on the inscriptions I found, there's a good chance these fellows are descendants of Atlantis, an ancient continent said to have disappeared into the ocean thousands of years ago without a trace. :'''Tea''': Are you sure? :'''Duke''': Professor, If your hunch is right, Why would these people want to destroy what was left of their ancestors' city? :'''Arthur''': They must be trying to hide something. Those ruins revealed the history of Atlantis, and it's not a pleasant one. They must what to keep it a secret. :'''Yami Yugi''': How much of this history do you know? :'''Arthur''': Thousands of years ago, Atlantis was home to the most advanced civilization the world had ever known. It truly was a paradise on earth, a land of eternal tranquility where everyone lived in peace until one day, when a dreadful creature was called forth from the depths of the earth by an evil king. :'''Yami Yugi''': An evil king? Oh, no. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt. flashback ends]'' :'''Tea''': ''[worried]'' What's wrong? Are you OK? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine. :'''Arthur''': It seems this power hungry king drew his evil strength from a mysterious stone, and this stone drew it's strength from another world. :'''Joey''': It's that rock they wear on their neck, Isn't it? :'''Arthur''': I'm not sure. That's all I was able to translate. :'''Joey''': NO! :'''Tristan''': Chill out, man. you'll blow a gasket. :'''Joey''': You guys don't get it, do you? Those Atlantis freaks are trying to cover something up about this ancient mega-monster. :'''Duke''': Of course. There was probably something written in those ruins about how to destroy that thing before it destroys us. :'''Tristan''': I get it. Hey, Joey, I guess you had your good idea for the year. :'''Arthur''': The ruins may have been destroyed, but there are copies of the inscriptions at a museum. It's in [[Florida]], where I was doing my underwater research. :'''Tea''': Perfect. So all we have to do is go there and translate the rest. :'''Arthur''': Mm-hmm. :'''Joey''': What are we waiting for? Let's head to sunshine state and find out the secret to defeating these guys and saving Yugi, right? :'''Tristan''': I'm right behind ya, man! Goodbye to Death Valley, Hello to fun in the sun. :'''Duke''': That's great. Just one question: How are we supposed to get there? :'''Tristan''': We're doomed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': ''[after hearing what happened to Yugi over the phone]'' YUGI LOST?! Yugi gave up his Duel Monsters crown to some nobody?! No one deserves that title but me! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[calmly]'' Hold on. :'''Kaiba''': I don't wanna hear another word! You're a disgrace to the game, Yugi! ''[hangs up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I'll book our flights and we'll take a train to the airport. I just hope we can save Yugi before it's too late. ===''On the Wrong Track'' [4.16-18]=== ====Part 1==== :''[at the train station]'' :'''Téa''': How this train ride anyway? :'''Joey''': Too long. :'''Téa''': ''[sighs]'' Any chance you wanna go instead of me, Duke? :'''Duke''': No can do, Téa. I gotta stick with Professor Hawkins in case those biker punks come back. :'''Tristan''': Duke's right. Plus he's gonna keep an eye on Rebecca too. :''[Yami Yugi feels truly sees that Rebecca wants to help him save Yugi Flashback to Rebecca and Professor Arthur Hawkins see he and his friends leaving]'' :'''Rebecca''': I wanna go too! ''They'' need a brain like mine to figure out how to save Yugi! Please!? :'''Arthur''': It's too dangerous. And the Pharaoh has enough on his mind already. :'''Rebecca''': Huh? :'''Arthur''': The last thing ''he'' needs is the responsibility of looking after you. ''His'' closest friend in the world's been ''taken'' from him. :'''Rebecca''': ''[cries ran back to the caravan]'' You don't understand anything, Grandpa! :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, wait! It's for your own good! :''[the flashback ends Téa looks worried]'' :'''Duke''': You better get on the train before you miss your ride. :'''Joey''': We got plenty of time. :'''Tristan''': No, we don’t. :'''Joey''': Like I said "All Aboard!" :'''Téa''': Take care, Duke. :''[Joey, Tristan, Yami and Téa are onboard the train carriages as the train horns blares and the train departed from the station as Duke waves to them.]'' :'''Joey''': ''[waving laughter]'' Smell ya later, Devlin! :'''Tristan''': Hey let’s hit the diving car. :'''Joey''': Now you’re taking my language. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Come on, you gotta cheer up. I promise we'll get Yugi back. But in the meantime, you can't just sit around moping. It might feel better to talk about it. We can even come up with a plan together. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sighs, gets up the seat]'' Sorry, Téa. ''[walks off alone]'' :'''Téa''': Poor guy. ''[watches Yami Yugi walked off alone as he opened the door and closes]'' :'''Tristan''': Just let him go, Téa. :'''Téa''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': I think ''he'' needs to be alone for a while you know? :'''Joey''': He's already alone. :'''Téa and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Isn't that the ''whole'' problem? He’s crushed. But he’ll be alright soon enough. ‘Cause we’re going to rescue Yugi, right guys? :'''Téa''': ''[smiling agreed]'' There’s no doubt. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yami Yugi looking out the window still blames himself about happened to Yugi after he lost the duel with Rafael in Death Valley]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' How could ''I'' have been so selfish? I gave in to the darkness within my heart... and Yugi paid the price. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel with Rafael as the Seal took Yugi instead]]. Flashback ends he punches a wall]'' I've lost him forever. ''[sit on the floor after getting more depressed]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': ''[sighs]'' He's been gone for a while. :'''Tristan''': ''[notices the passengers are empty]'' Hey, Hold on. He's not the only one! :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': Call me crazy. But wasn't this train completely filled with passengers just a minute ago?! What's the deal!? How can a train full of people all of a sudden be empty!? :'''Joey''': What?! :''[Joey and Tea sees passengers are empty]'' :'''Tea''': Alright. Now I'm officially freaked out! :''[back at Dartz's lair]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly laughter]'' A vacant train is the least of your problems, my young friends. I'm just getting warmed up. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Back on the train]'' :'''Téa''': ''[Checking the now empty train]'' Anyone in there, Joey? :'''Joey''': Not a soul. :'''Tristan''': Do ya have to say "soul"? :'''Joey''': ''[Checks another compartment]'' It's a complete ghost town here! :'''Téa''': Don't say "ghost" either. :''[As the train fast when door opens Yami Yugi walks arrives]'' :'''Tea''': There you are. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? :'''Joey''': 'Case you haven't noticed, Something weird's going on. :'''Tristan''': If you asked me. I'd say this whole train ride is another trap. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasp]'' :'''Joey''': I'm sure those same slime balls are behind this. and I bet they're onboard. :'''Tristan''': Well what are we standing here for? Let's get 'em! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Pharaoh! Tea! Whatta we do now!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Get help! :'''Tea''': Come on, we have to find a way to stop this train! :'''Tristan''': Hey, we're slowing down! You heard 'em. we gotta get help. :'''Joey''': I know... but there's a problem. ''[he and Tristan jumps off the rail coaches]'' We're in the middle of nowhere! and we don't even know those two are gonna end up. Bye, guys. Hang in there. :'''Tristan''': I guess it's just you and me now. :'''Joey''': Hmm ''[sees Rex appears snickers in the railcar with his chaos duel disk on.]'' Huh? Rex!? What are you doing here? :'''Rex Raptor''': ''[jumps off the rail coaches and walks towards Joey and Tristan]'' I still have a score to settle with you, Wheeler. Remember? ''You'' tooked ''my'' Red Eyes Black Dragon. :'''Joey''': Rex, This is not the time. :'''Rex''': It’s the perfect time for ''revenge''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sees Weevil appears on top of this train with his chaos duel disk on]'' Weevil Underwood! Are you behind this!? You'd better start explaining yourself! :'''Tea Gardner''': Weevil? What are you what with us, worm boy! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What are you think I what? A rematched with the king of games! :'''Tea Gardner''': Are you nuts!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'm just in the mood for a friendly duel. :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, Who put you up to this? :'''Weevil Underwood''': No one did. I figured this was a good time to test out my new secret weapon, that's all. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Is that magic rock the professor told us about it! Where did you find that thing, Raptor!? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I knew it! ''He's'' working for ''them!'' :''[back on the train]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': You've been brainwashed, Weevil! :'''Téa''': Wake up! Those guys are just using you! :'''Weevil''': Who cares! as long as I have ultimate power! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Weevil''': Then just duel ''me!'' :'''Téa''': Wait a minute! :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? Téa, no! It's too dangerous! :'''Téa''': Weevil! Don't you realize that if you go through with this duel, one of you guys is gonna lose ''your'' soul forever!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa. :'''Weevil''': Of course I do, Téa. That's the whole reason I'm here! To make him pay by ''sealing him away!'' :'''Téa''': ''[shocked]'' Oh! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Oh no! :'''Weevil''': Don't worry. Soon you'll be locked away with your friend Yugi, Pharaoh! ''[laughing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Where is ''he!?'' ''Tell me!'' :'''Weevil''': I'm afraid the only way to find out is to ''duel me.'' so if you back down now, then you'll never see that little twerp again! :'''Yami Yugi''': Very well! Then let's duel! :'''Weevil''': ''[laughing]'' Wise choice, Pharaoh! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Rex''': ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' I'm gonna enjoy this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': What did ''you'' do to my friends!? :'''Rex Raptor''': Nothing! Weevil's dealing with those two losers why ''I'' handled you two. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Weevil? So ''he's'' in on this train too. :'''Joey''': Rex, ''you'' guys pick the ''wrong'' side to join. :'''Rex''': Oh really? Well, we'll just see about that won't we. I've been given more power then you ever dreamed of! :'''Joey''': ''[growl]'' Look, Rex, not only can I duel circles around your sorry behind but you're half my size! So why don't you get out of my way before I step on you! :'''Rex''': Sorry, pal. ''I'm'' not going anywhere till we duel! So draw ''your'' cards and let's get it on, chump! I've got a duel to win! :'''Tristan''': Now what? :'''Joey''': ''[sighs]'' I warned them. Now let's trample this geek and then go find Yugi and Téa. :'''Tristan''': Good call. :'''Rex''': Oh yeah? You'll change your mind when ''I'' activate this card! :'''Joey and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Rex''': ''[snickers and holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' Look familiar!? :'''Tristan''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Joey''': ''Drop the card!'' That thing is evil, Rex. I'm telling ya, you have no idea what you're doing! :'''Rex''': You're not so tough now! Are you, Wheeler! ''[laughs and activates the card]'' :'''Joey''': ''He'' played it! :''[Joey and Tristan grunting and as Rex screams]'' :'''Tristan''': Aah! :'''Joey''': No, Tristan! :'''Rex''': Ahh! Ha Ha Ha! Now... That's what I call power. :'''Joey''': What was ''he'' thinking playing that! :'''Tristan''': Be careful, man! ''He'' just raised the stakes a this duel big time! Now who ever loses the game, loses ''their'' soul! :'''Joey''': Gee, Thanks for the reminder. :'''Rex''': Let's do this. It's payback time! :'''Joey''': Sorry, Rex. ''I'' won't duel ''you!'' :'''Rex''': You don't have much ''choice!'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Back on the top of the train]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': I’ve improved since ''our'' last duel. But you’ll see that for yourself soon enough! :'''Téa Gardner''': You can’t do this! :'''Yami Yugi''': Get back on the train, Téa. :'''Téa Gardner''': But why? :'''Yami Yugi''': It’s too dangerous up here, and there’s no telling what Weevil will do. :'''Weevil Underwood''': I won’t keep you in suspense any longer! ''[snickers]'' It’s my move! ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' And I think I’ll play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, don’t be a fool! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What seems to be the problem, Pharaoh? You’ve played this card before, haven’t you? If I’m not mistaken, this is what ''you'' used to lock little Yugi away! ''[laughs]'' Now it’s my turn! I need to experience this card's power firsthand! And when ''you'' lose, You’ll join ''your'' little friend! :'''Téa Gardner''': Weevil! If you activate that card, you’re putting yourself endanger also! :'''Weevil Underwood''': Thanks for the advice, Téa! But who asked!? :'''Téa Gardner''': ''He'' played it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Looks like the battles are underway. :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master. And if all goes well, the soul of the Pharaoh will soon be yours. Of course, we win no matter what, because whatever the final outcome is, ''we'' get two souls. :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Are ''you'' gonna duel, Wheeler? or just stand there like a loser while I take you apart? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I got no choice. Alright I didn't wanna do this... But you got yourself a duel! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you sure? :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's the only way to save Yuge, so yes. :'''Rex Raptor''': Good answer. I've been waiting for this moment for years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' It won't be long now. The soul of the Pharaoh is nearly in my grasp. After all we have the perfect bait. ''[evilly laughter]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :''[Joey and Rex were still dueling with Panther Warrior, the two Gilasaurus and Kaitoptera still on the field]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Dude, you've got three dinos breathing down your neck! You better think of something before you're extinct! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Gee, thanks. :'''Rex Raptor''': You're in way over your head! Thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, I can never be beat, but enough talk! On with the Duel! ''[draws Polymerization from his Deck]'' It's showtime. First, I'll use Polymerization to combine my Gilasaurus with my Kaitoptera to form Horned Saurus! ''[Horned Saurus appears on the field]'' But you ain't seen nothing yet! Next I'll play Giant Rex! ''[Giant Rex also appears on the field]'' And the Seal of Orichalcos gives my Jurassic giants a power boost! ''[Horned Saurus' and Giant Rex's eyes glow red as the Seal of Orichalcos raises their attack by 500]'' Time to get prehistoric on you, Wheeler, by letting my ravenous meat-eaters chow down on your Life Points! My Horned Saurus is up first! Now, attack Wheeler directly! :'''Tristan Taylor''': How can he do that when you've got a monster on the field? :'''Rex Raptor''': Easy, Horned Saurus has a special ability that lets him bypass your monsters and go straight for your Life Points! Tough break. ''[Horned Saurus fires a shockwave blast on top of Joey, making Joey's Life Points drop to 1500]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': That runt is kicking your butt! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the help. You're a real pal. :'''Rex Raptor''': For my next trick, Giant Rex will make your Panther Warrior disappear! ''[Giant Rex attack and destroys Panther Warrior]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Be patient, Great Leviathan. Soon the soul of the Pharaoh shall be yours. ''[evil laughing]'' :'''Weevil''': ''[chucking]'' You’re about to pay the ultimate price, and I’ll be known as the duelist who dethroned the king of games! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Weevil Underwood''': This train’s been rerouted! ''[laughing]'' Next stop: Loserville! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': My dragon! He abandoned me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Please Save me! ''[screaming as the Oricalchos claims Rex's soul]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''[thinking]'' Sorry, Rex. It's the only way. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Rex! Come on, man wake up! I know you're in there somewhere so snap out of it. :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's no use, Tristan. The Orichalcos has him now. But I promise we'll get him back. As soon as we find Pegasus and Yugi. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Yeah, but how? :'''Joey Wheeler''': But first we gotta figured out where this Dartz guy hangs out. ''Find him'', and we'll ''find them''. ''[standing at the sky yelling out]'' '''''YOU'' HEAR ''ME'', DARTZ?! WE'RE COMING TO GET ''YOU!'' AND WE'RE NOT LEAVING WITHOUT ''OUR'' FRIENDS!''' ''[his echoes shouted]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yami Yugi and Weevil's Duel is still underway with Breaker the Magical Warrior, Poison Butterfly and Armored Centipede on the field]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'll tell you what. Because I feel sorry for you, I'd be willing to do you a little favor before you lose. I have a card in my pocket I think you'd like to see. I can't wait to see the look on your face! ''[laughs hysterically]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[snarls]'' ''Weevil!'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Relax, Pharaoh, I'm just trying to be nice. It's the least I can do to repay you for ruining my life. You wanna see Yugi, right? ''[the flashback cuts in]'' His spirit is trapped, deep in the caverns of Dartz's lair, and I know how to set him free! ''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me how to save him right now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Very well. In order to release his soul, you'll need a special card. ''[takes out a Gokibore card out of his pocket]'' And I've got it right here. :'''Yami Yugi''': What?! Then hand it to me now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': That's not a nice way to ask! Why don't you try saying, "Pretty please, with sugar on top"? ''[Yami Yugi walks short, but realizes that Weevil was bluffing]'' Oh, well, too late! So it looks like I'll have to teach you a lesson in manners! Now say goodbye! ''[rips the Gokibore card in half]'' Yugi's gone FOREVER! ''[Yami Yugi, having witnessed Weevil rip the card, suddenly erupts into an uncontrollable rage]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[roars ferociously]'' '''NO!''' :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughing]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[in tears]'' No. Poor Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[furiously]'' You snake! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Don’t you know a joke when you hear one? I tore up a useless bug card. :'''Tea Gardner''': Huh? ''[anger]'' Weevil, That’s not very funny! :'''Weevil Underwood''': You people have no sense of humour! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[enraged]'' You'll pay for that! '''You hear me, Weevil!?''' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Ha! Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay dearly! :'''Weevil Underwood''': There's nothing you can do, Pharaoh! :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm going to have disagree. Now, Breaker the Magical Warrior, activate your special ability! :'''Weevil Underwood''': Big deal, so, you can destroy a magic or trap card. Oh, wait! That's bad! :'''Yami Yugi''': Sounds like you've realized I plan on destroying your Insect Barrier, allowing me to attack you with the Poison Butterfly ''you gave me!'' ''[Weevil growls]'' Now, Breaker the Magical Warrior, destroy Insect Barrier! ''[Breaker the Magical Warrior blast at the Insect Barrier]'' I told you you'd pay for that stunt you pulled just a few moments ago, didn't I? I may have weakened my warrior's attack power by using his special ability, but it was well worth the price for now I can destory you! Prepare to feel the wrath of your own monster... Poison Butterfly! ''[Weevil screaming]'' It's all over for you. Go, Poison Butterfly! Attack his Armored Centipede! ''[Poison Butterfly blast on Armored Centipede, Life Points, making them go to 3700]'' And now... Attack him directly, Breaker! ''[Breaker attacks Weevil's Life Points, making them go to 2200]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Nice try, But it looks like your turn just came to an end! Which means Poison Butterfly takes the rest of your life points! ''[jumping laughing]'' Guess I win! :'''Yami Yugi''': Too bad I'm not done yet. :'''Weevil Underwood''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': Now quiet down so I can complete my turn. :'''Weevil Underwood''': What are you talking about, Pharaoh?! Both your monsters have attacked already! There's nothing more you can do! :'''Yami Yugi''': I can still play this! Go, Berserker soul! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What are you gonna do with that?! :'''Yami Yugi''': First, I must throw out my entire hand! Now, I shall continue to draw cards from my deck one by one, and I'm not to stop until I draw a magic or trap card. Meanwhile, with each monster card I draw I can attack you with a creature from my side of the field. As long as that creature has 1,500 points or less. :'''Weevil Underwood''': 1,500?! Wait a sec! ''[thinking]'' Yugi's been planning this all along! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's the beginning of the end for you! ''[draws a monster card from his Deck]'' I've drawn Queen's Knight! ''[discards Queen's Knight to the Graveyard]'' And since it's a monster, my warrior can attack! Go! ''[Breaker attacks Weevil's Life Points, making them go to 700]'' Now, for my next card! :'''Weevil Underwood''': Huh?! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[draws Gazelle the King of Mythical Beasts]'' Looks like you're out of luck. Attack again! ''[Breaker makes a second attack at Weevil, making Weevil's Life Points drop to 0]'' I draw again! ''[draws Big Shield Gardna]'' Another monster! ''[Breaker delivers the third blow to Weevil]'' This just isn't your day! ''[draws Alpha the Magnet Warrior and Breaker attacks Weevil while Tea tearfully witnesses the moment]'' Breaker, attack him again! ''[Breaker delivers the last blow to Weevil, just as the Oricalchos claims Weevil's soul]'' Let's see. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl]'' Oh, well... :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[rushes to Yami Yugi in tears from harming Weevil]'' Please, Pharaoh! ''No more!'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Let me go! :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[calmly]'' You can stop now. It's over. You've already won the duel. The Seal of Oricalchos is gone. ''[Yami Yugi panting calms down and they looks at soulless Weevil]'' We have to put an end to all this. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' Tea's right, ''[holds Dark Magician Girl card]'' I have a promise to keep. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Dartz's lair the souls of Rex and Weevil are captured]'' :'''Dartz''': So many souls, so little time. The Great Leviathan is growing impatient. I must supply him with the power he needs to awaken… and for that, I need the soul of the Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me where Yugi is! :'''Tea Gardner''': Pharaoh... It's no use. You won. So the Seal of Oricalchos took Weevil away. ''[Yami Yugi looking at his hands]'' Pharaoh? :''[As the train going too faster it brakes screeching sound it derailed as Yami Yugi and Téa screaming hold on the train towards the ravine below and it falls off]'' :'''Dartz''': No! I need him alive! :'''Téa''': ''[offscreen]'' Whoa. Are you alright? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[offscreen]'' Bearly. :''[Up top of the cliff a mysterious Ironheart looks down below.]'' ===''Self Destruction'' [4.19]=== :''[after the train derails and falling off the cliffs a passenger car on the river, at Dartz's lair Dartz not happy]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[stands up]'' Somehow I've lost contact with the Pharaoh. :'''Rafael''': Maybe ''he'' didn't survive the fall. :'''Dartz''': ''He'' did. However, Something or someone is hiding him from my vision. :'''Rafael''': Then let ''me'' be your eyes, Master. I'll track ''him'' down and make up for my failure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[wakes up had a nightmare]'' Hold on… Was it all a dream? Téa, wake up. :'''Téa Gardner''': ''[wakes up]'' Where are we? The last thing I remember we were… :''[Skye towards Téa]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Téa! :''[Skye licking at Téa laughing and Skye licking Yami Yugi too]'' :'''Chris''': ''[offscreen]'' Skye! Get back here! Skye! ''[appeared enter the tent]'' That's no way to treat our guests. ''[to Yami Yugi and Téa]'' Sorry if she woke you up. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who are you? How did you find us? :'''Chris''': You can call me Chris. ''[giggles]'' And you've already met Skye. She's the one that found you. She was sniffing around for food and ended up sniffing out you guys instead. :''[Ironheart picks up full of Yugi's cards spots The Eye of Timaeus]'' :'''Ironheart''': This is strange? ''[Skye and Chris arives with Yami Yugi and Téa]'' Skye. I see your strength is back. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Thank you. :'''Ironheart''': Pleased to hear it. You two had me worried. By the way, the name is Ironheart, and I believe this belongs to you. Pardon me for being intrusive... But I couldn't help noticing you possess the legendary Eye of Timaeus... The only one of it's kind. :'''Yami Yugi''': Take it. I'm not deserving of it's power. :'''Téa Gardner''': That's not true. :'''Ironheart''': I'll hold it until you're ready. :'''Téa Gardner''': Did you find another kid? He had glasses and a bad haircut? He was on the train with us it crashed. :'''Ironheart''': No, I'm afraid you were the only ones we found. Perhaps your friend was able to escape before the train fell off that cliff. I assure you, there wasn't another soul on board. :'''Yami Yugi''': I highly doubt Weevil was able to escape. Not in the condition he was in. I'm afraid there's a greater power at work here. :'''Ironheart''': I must say, young man. You seem to possess a wisdom that reaches far beyond your years. Now, I've encountered many people in my travels... but there's something about you i've never seen before... something in your eyes. I'm also sensing that you hold a great deal of loneliness in your heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's because I recently lost a very close friend of mine. His name is Yugi Muto. And now... I'm on a journey to find his soul. :'''Ironheart''': What will you do if you find him? :'''Yami Yugi''': I’ll apologize for betraying his trust and abandoning him. :'''Ironheart''': Hmm. I might just be able to help. Follow me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Rafael jumps on the rail carriage after the train falls off the cliff looking for the Pharaoh.]'' :'''Rafael''': Hey, Pharaoh! You in there or not!? How did ''he'' escape? ''[looks at the mountain]'' I'LL FIND YOU, PHARAOH, WHEREVER YOU ARE! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi Muto''': Is that really you? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': Hey, It's him! :'''Yami Yugi''': I've found you! Hmm? :'''Yugi''': ''You'' came all this way just to see me? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes of course, I just want you to say how sorry I am. :'''Yugi''': I'm sorry too, I wish this whole thing never happened. :'''Yami Yugi''': It's ''my'' fault. ''I'' surrendered to my inner darkness. ''I'' allowed my anger to take over and ''you'' paid the price. But now that you're gone, The darkness is starting to grow without ''your'' light to keep me pure... ''I'm'' becoming evil, Yugi. ''I'm'' beginning to believe that what Rafael said about ''me'' is true. Perhaps ''I'' was a wicked and worthy pharaoh. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their first duel]], Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' What if I ''am'' the one responsible for the destruction of Egypt? If ''I'm'' capable of such horrific behavior then it's ''my'' soul that should be locked away. :'''Yugi''': Well, What good is that now!? ''I'm'' the one who's been locked away forever, Not ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm sorry? :'''Yugi''': Well, The last thing I need is ''your'' pity, Pharaoh! If You're really evil there's only thing to do. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are ''you'' saying? :'''Yugi''': ''[has chaos duel disk on his arm]'' ''You'' said it yourself, Didn't you? ''Your'' spirit should be locked away with mine. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' And ''I'm'' gonna do it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wait! ''You'' misunderstood me! :'''Yugi''': Oh, So now ''you're'' taking back what ''you'' said!? Make up your mind! ''You'' don't deserve to be a ''part'' of this world! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi. :'''Yugi''': It's about time ''you'' started taking some responsibility for what you've done! There's only one thing left to do and ''you'' know it! ''You'' need to be a man for once and ''face me'' in a duel now! :'''Yami Yugi''': No please. :'''Yugi''': ''Too late!'' It's time for you to pay! If you're really sorry then you'll do this! ''[Yami Yugi reluctantly activates his KC Duel Disk]'' It's time to duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': Wait, So ''he's'' gonna duel himself. But why? :'''Ironheart''': This is the only way. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Chris''': That's why we took you guys here. So the pharaoh can face his other half. ''He'' has to deal with what he did so he can put it all behind him and finally move on. :'''Tea''': How do you know all this stuff? :'''Chris''': We've always known this. We were taught that a warrior would come to save our world. And as soon as we found you guys, We knew that ''he'' was the one. :'''Tea''': So, what's ''he'' supposed to do now? :'''Ironheart''': His first step is to face ''his'' inner fears and conquer the darkness that lurks within his heart. But if ''he'' loses this battle, The pharaoh's spirit will remain here forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Why are ''you'' acting like this?! :'''Yugi''': ''I'm'' just a reflection of ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean, Yugi!? :'''Yugi''': You don't get it, do you? You and I are exactly the same. So the darkness that's in ''your'' heart... is also inside my heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, I wish I could take it back. :'''Yugi''': ''Too late!'' You've already shown me who you really are an evil pharaoh who cares only about himself! Face the Facts! ''You'' didn't care what happened to me so long as you had power! Now it's my turn! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[realizes]'' Yugi, wait! Are ''you'' holding the card I think you are!? :'''Yugi''': It's sounds like ''your'' starting to catch on aren't you, your highness? This duel is a chance for you to look at yourself from the outside. And there's ''only'' one card that can make that happen... The Seal of Orichalcos. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh!? Yugi, no! ''[gasps]'' :'''Tea''': ''He'' played it! :'''Yugi''': Now it's pay back time, For taken ''my'' soul! :'''Yami Yugi''': This is a mistake! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': It won’t be long now, Pharaoh. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi… Don’t do this! Snap out of it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': YUGI NO! I won't let you do this! ''[screaming]'' '''STOP!''' I ACTIVATE THE TRAP CARD... DIVINE WIND! :'''Yugi''': He did it! He was able to reverse my attack and double its strength to win the duel! :''[blast on Yugi and he screams and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I done!? Yugi! :'''Yugi''': ''[groaning]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Is he alright? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! ''[running towards Yugi]'' Come on! ''[holds his body]'' Speak to me, Please! :'''Yugi''': You passed the test, pal. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you taking about, Yugi? Did you plan this all along? :'''Yugi''': It was the only way. By defeating me you were able to defeat the darkness that was inside your heart. It wasn’t easy, But you did what was best for me and for mankind. You acted like a true hero. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' But now what? What can I do? :'''Yugi''': Don't give up this fight. Remember... I'm aways with you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps see Yugi disappears]'' I'll save you! No matter what it takes. ===''Reliving the Past'' [4.20]=== :'''Téa''': Seems like the Pharaoh's in pretty bad shape down there. :'''Ironheart''': Of course. There's still a hole in his heart has Yet to be filled. :'''Téa''': ''[worried; thinking]'' Poor, guy. He still blames himself for what happened to Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[cries in tears and sorrow after the duel with Yugi]'' Yugi, If it weren’t for me, You'd still be here. I'll never forgive myself. ''[Flashes back to their [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]]. Flashback ends]'' Mark my words! I won't rest you until I get you back! Uhh! It's not fair! I should be locked away! Not you! ''I’m'' the one ''who'' played that evil card! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[after Dartz summons his undead Orichalcos soldier]'' Who are you? And what is this all about? ''[the Orichalcos soldier is silent]'' Not much of a talker, I see. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Meet Orichalcos Gigas! Attack the Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Every time I attack his monster, it comes back even stronger! My Fissure Magic Card should stop it! ''[Orichalcos Gigas is swallowed by Fissure]'' It worked! ''[Orichalcos Gigas reappears from the ground, with more attack points again]'' Or... maybe not. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': I've got you right where I what you, Pharaoh. ''[evilly chuckle]'' :''[Rafael watches the Pharaoh and the Orichalcos soldier were still dueling with Obnoxious Celtic Guardian and Orichalcos Gigas still on the field]'' :'''Rafael''': Let's see you get yourself outta this. :'''Tea Gardner''': ''He's'' about to lose! :'''Ironheart''': There is but one thing that can save him. :'''Chris''': The card ''he'' gave you? :'''Ironheart''': Mmm. ''[grabs the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. The creature that fought by my side so long ago. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Ironheart]'' Who is that? :'''Ironheart''': Pharaoh! Take this card! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[looks back]'' Ironheart!? :'''Dartz''': You've disrupted ''my'' plans for the last time, old man. :''[lightning bolt strikes on Ironheart]'' :'''Ironheart''': AAH! :'''Yami Yugi''': IRONHEART! NO! :'''Chris''': GRANDFATHER! :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning and collapses and holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Please take this card from ''me''. It's the only way to ''defeat'' the beast. :''[Orichalcos blocks the Pharaoh on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I can't get out! :'''Chris''': Grandpa! :'''Ironheart''': It's up to you. :'''Chris''': What do you mean, Gramps? :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning]'' Take this... and bring it to the Pharaoh. ''[Chris grab "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Otherwise, All hope is lost. Good luck. ''[disappears]'' :'''Chris''': ''[gasps, sees her grandfather disappears in tears]'' No, Grandpa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Please, Chris, Turn back! It's far too dangerous! :'''Chris''': ''[running, holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Pharaoh! My Grandpa want you to have this! ''[lightning bolt strikes on Chris]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! :'''Chris''': ''[screaming]'' AAAAAHHHH! ''[groans]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Chris, No! :'''Chris''': ''[gasping]'' Pharaoh... ''[holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Take this... please. :'''Yami Yugi''': What is it? :'''Chris''': ''[groaning]'' It's the ''only'' thing that can stop ''him''. It saved us once... and with your help it can save us again. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[grab and hold the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. :'''Chris''': ''[smile and eyes closed]'' I trust you, Pharaoh. Thank you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[see Chris disappears]'' Hold on! Come back! ''[Turns on the Orichalcos Gigas, thinking]'' There's only one thing left to do, ''[looks at "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' I hope you deem me worthy of your power, ''[close his eyes]'' I’m truly sorry for having betrayed you. But the lives are so many innocent people are getting hurt and depending on you, So I asked you not for ''myself'', But for all those at risk. Please help me, Timaeus. The future of two worlds hangs in the balance, ''[open his eyes]'' we must win, No matter what. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl card]'' Now I sacrifice my Celtic Guardian in order to summon Dark Magician Girl! ''[summons Dark Magician Girl]'' Next I'll play... The legendary Eye of Timaeus! :'''Dartz''': He'll never learn. :'''Rafael''': I don't believe it. He should never have been able to summon that dragon! :'''Yami Yugi''': Dark Magician Girl, fuse with Timaeus, forming Dark Magician Girl the dragon knight! Next, I'll enhance your strength with my Excalibur magic card! Attack! Destroy ''his'' creature of darkness! ''[Timaeus fire blast and Dark Magician Girl rise the sword and blast on the Orichalcos Gigas and the Orichalcos Soldier Blasting light]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[thinking]'' This isn't over, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey and Tristan carrying soulless Rex Raptor on the railway line seeing the blasting light]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': I'm assuming you see that gigantic green sunset over there, right? :'''Tristan Taylor''': What do you think it is? :'''Joey''': Hmm? ''[holds "The Claw of Hermos" card glowing]'' I'm guessing it's got something to do with this. Let's just hope Téa and the Pharaoh are alright. Come on! ''[ran off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Wait! It's your turn to carry Rex! ''[ran off to followed Joey]'' I know you can hear me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[to Timaeus and Dark Magician Girl]'' Well done, my creatures. ''He's'' gone now. Thanks to you two. But I feel this is just the beginning. :''[Timaeus and Dark Magician Girl vanished Up top Rafael watches him standing the circle]'' :'''Rafael''': I have to say I'm glad you won, Pharaoh. 'Cause now I can be the one who delivers ''your'' soul to Master Dartz. ''[walks away]'' :''[Tea spots at Ironheart, Chris and Skye along with the three legendary dragons in stone]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Wait. That's a carving of Ironheart, Chris and Skye from 10,000 years ago? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes. :'''Tea Gardner''': So you mean to tell me that those guys were just ghosts or something? :'''Yami Yugi''': They're spirits who once fought a great war, and now they've been captured by Dartz. ''[Tea stands up then she and the Pharaoh turns around and walks away]'' This gives me three more reasons to hunt down this madman and bring peace to the world once again. ===''Deck of Armor'' [4.21]=== :'''Yami Yugi''': Take my hand. We're back where we left off. :'''Téa''': Nice. Now all we have to do is follow those railway tracks. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's right. If all goes well, they should lead us straight to Tristan and Joey. assuming they haven't wandered off. :'''Téa''': They better be there. We have to do what we set out to do. Figure out where this Dartz creep hangs out so we can set free everyone he captured. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Téa. I only wish it were that easy. :'''Téa''': And remind me never to get on the train again. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''[Carrying soulless Rex Raptor on his back]'' It's... your... turn. I've been luggin' dis geek for, like, two hours already! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Try four minutes. But since I'm nice, I'll play you for it. ''[Holds out his fist]'' Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! :''[Tristan throws scissors, Joey throws paper]'' :'''Joey''': I don’t know how you're doin' it, but you're cheating'! Dat's the fifth time in a row you won! :'''Tristan''': You're just delirious, man. I've won by playing scissors every time. :'''Joey''': Look, I can't move another inch. :'''Tristan''': What if I promise ta buy you a pepperoni pizza when we reach civilization? :'''Joey''': Pepperoni? ''[Takes off running]'' Come on, we got places ta go! :'''Tristan''': Hold on! I said what if I get ya a pizza? ''[Starts running after Joey]'' I'll tell ya what, I'll play ya Rock, Paper, Scissors for it! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside Paradius headquarters Mai at the meeting room with Dartz, Valon, Rafael, and Alister after Joey defeats Rex Raptor at the middle of nowhere on the railway line]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': Just leave Joey Wheeler to me. :'''Rafael''': You'll do nothing until Master Dartz gives you an assignment. :'''Mai''': What is this, Third grade? I decide who ''I'm'' gonna duel for myself. I don't wait for the homework assignment. :'''Rafael''': Why don't you show a little respect? :'''Alister''': Come on, Raf, as if little miss loud mouth knows respect? :'''Mai''': What did you call me? :'''Rafael''': Relax. :'''Mai''': Look, I was doing perfectly fine until Johnny stuntman over there stepped in. If it wasn't for you, I would a won. As for you, I don't need some scrawny freak dictating my every move! ''[turns back around toward the door Dartz watches]'' I'm out of here, losers! ''[opens the door]'' Humph! ''[walks off alone]'' :'''Dartz''': Just let her go, Valon. :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Dartz''': She can try to run away from fate, But in the end she'll get what ''she'' deserves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': I know you’re deep down you feel the way I do, Mai. :'''Mai''': What? :'''Valon''': That’s why we found each other. You’re just like me… Lonely and misunderstood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duke Devlin''': ''[driving]'' Should we have left so soon? :'''Rebecca Hawkins''': Of course. Time is running out. We have to catch up with the others now. ''[inside the caravan, Arthur was asleep]'' Besides, Gramps can get just as much rest on the road. Plus, we can't translate those ancient ruins without his help, Duke. :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[spots at Valon with Mai Valentine]'' Hey Rebecca, look, It's Mai Valentine. But what's ''she'' doing here? Wait a sec! That guy... ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Joey and Mai's first duel]], Duke saw Valon next to Rafael watching Mai against Joey]'' I recognize him. ''He's'' one of those biker punks that brainwashed Mai. ''[cuts back to the present]'' ''He'' works for Dartz. :'''Rebecca''': ''[gasp]'' Stop the car, Duke! :'''Duke''': Rebecca! Hold on! We’re dealing with a lunatic here! :'''Rebecca''': Alright, ''Tell me'' what ''you'' did with Yugi?! ''You'' guys had no right to take ''him!'' :'''Valon''': Sorry, kid, Never heard of him. :'''Rebecca''': Well, maybe this’ll refresh your memory! ''I win, You talk!'' ''[Puts on her KC mass production duel disk rises and activates]'' Let’s duel! :'''Duke''': No, Rebecca! It’s too dangerous! :'''Rebecca''': ''[puts her deck on the duel disk]'' I’ll be fine. I’ve dueled tougher opponents than this. So what are you say, punk? Do we ''have'' a deal or ''not''? :'''Valon''': You ''can’t'' be serious, kid. :'''Mai''': Here’s ''your'' big chance. Why don’t ''you'' show me your stuff. :'''Rebecca''': Let’s go. I don’t have all day. :'''Valon''': Well, why not? She could use a lesson in manners and I got five minutes to kill. Plus I can sho off a few of my new dueling strategies. Alright. You talked me into it, mate. Let’s have a go. :'''Duke''': Hold on! ''[activates his KC mass production duel disk]'' If ''you'' dueling ''her'' then you'll dueling ''me'' too, tough guy! ''[puts his deck on the duel disk]'' :'''Valon''': Peachy. Then I’ll take both of you blokes on. Ha. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' Pay attention, Mai. This is for you. :'''Duke''': Remember, Rebecca, don’t let him play the seal of Orichalcos. :'''Rebecca''': Got it. :'''Valon, Duke and Rebecca''': Let’s duel! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :''[Valon defeats Rebecca Hawkins and Duke Devlin in their duel.]'' :'''Rebecca''': Fine, You won. Now leave us alone. :'''Duke''': Get lost. :'''Valon''': Very well then, I gotta message for Joey Wheeler, tell that punk he's next. ''[laughing, then spots at Mai hops on her motorcycle]'' Where are you going, Mai? :'''Mai''': I told you, I worked alone! ''[droves off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa, do you see what I see? :'''Téa''': You mean all those weird lights? :'''Yami Yugi''': I fear it’s the great beast. The same thing happened when it emerged the first time. ''[thinking]'' ''We’re running out of time.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes, Great Leviathan. Keep feeding, my child. You’re almost ready. ''[evilly chuckling]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside the KaibaCorp Airplane where Seto and Mokuba sitting on the seat]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': You think it’s true, Seto? I mean, could Yugi really have lost to one of Alister's partners in a duel? And does that mean he’s trapped somewhere now? :'''Seto Kaiba''': It just means Yugi’s not as perfect as everyone thinks he is, and he’s not worth my time. We’ve got more important things to do. ===''Flight of Fear'' [4.22-23]=== ====Part 1==== :''[Kaiba and Alister's rematch duel begins]'' :'''Alister''': As the challenger, I'll start! And I'll summon my Science Soldier in defense mode! That's all for now. :'''Seto''': How pathetic. My move! I summon X-Head Cannon in attack mode! Now, X-Head Cannon, attack! Looks like you're defenseless. :'''Mokuba''': ''[worried; thinking]'' If Alister plays that Seal of Orichalcos, Seto's in big trouble! :'''Alister''': No big deal. Watch this! I play Cyber Soldier of Dark World. And next, I'll place one card facedown and end my turn. :'''Seto''': What a joke! My move! I summon Y-Dragon Head in attack mode! Attack his Cyber Soldier of Dark World, now! And now, X-Head Cannon, attack his Life Points directly! :'''Mokuba''': ''[thinking]'' Alister's making this too easy. :'''Seto''': I think that's just about enough punishment for now. I end my turn. ''[sets a card facedown]'' :'''Alister''': You sound pretty confident, Kaiba, but you'll change your tune. You've been so pretty occupied with your own monsters, you forgot what I have waiting in my deck. I guess I'll have to remind you. It's the card I used on you last time and it changes the entire playing field! :'''Seto''': ''[realizes]'' Hold it! Did you just draw what I think you did, Alister?! ''[turns to Mokuba]'' Mokuba, GET BACK! :'''Alister''': ''[raises the card up in his hand which is The Seal of Orichalcos]'' I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! ''[laughs as the Seal of Orichalcos grows the circle which engulfs the room and knocks Mokuba away from it's boundary]'' :'''Seto''': Mokuba! ''[beams of green light shoot out of the plane and as Alister screams, the plane's controls end up being sabotaged, including the autopilot]'' This can't be real! ''[The Seal of Orichalcos rises Kaiba and Alister up to the top of the plane]'' What's going on, Alister? :'''Alister''': ''[with his eyes glowing red]'' I just needed some air, that's all. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Seto''': ''[to Alister]'' Look, punk, I have no intention of letting your little toys stop me, and I'm through playing around! :'''Mokuba''': Seto! Please, stop the duel! :'''Seto''': Mokuba, I've never backed down from a challenge, and I don't plan to start today. :'''Mokuba''': Yeah, but if you lose, he gets your soul! :'''Seto''': Please. There's only one thing this joker's gonna get, and that's the defeat of a lifetime. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': Master Dartz, I've just received word from our business division. :'''Dartz''': Yes, go on. :'''Man''': The Takeover was a success. Congratulations, Master. Kaiba Corp now belongs to you. ===''Paradise Found'' [4.24]=== :'''Yami Yugi''': It’s them! :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[gasps]'' Oh well. At least we got what we need. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Duke Devlin driving the Ute pulling the caravan Rebecca on the front seat holding the her laptop behind her grandfather Arthur on the backseat sees Yami Yugi on the helicopter on screen]'' :'''Rebecca Hawkins''': I got the images, And my grandpa's looking them over now. :'''Yami Yugi''': Good. Let's meet up as soon as possible. Oh, And one more thing… I'm sorry. :'''Arthur Hawkins''': ''[to his granddaughter]'' Rebecca, You ''can't'' blame the Pharaoh for what happened to Yugi. ''[Rebecca looks at her grandfather worried]'' There's far too much at stake for hurting his feelings. You must be so hard on him. Right now, We're all fighting a common enemy. And this data may be ''our'' only hope. :'''Rebecca''': ''[sadly]'' You're right. :'''Arthur''': ''[to Yami Yugi]'' Pharaoh, The quality of the images is much worse then I thought. Unless we clear up these photos I won’t be able to read much at all. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Set a course for Kaiba Corporation headquarters immediately. :'''Tristan''': Dude, are you nuts. :'''Tea''': Dartz and his gang must’ve taken over the place by now. :'''Seto Kaiba''': The only way we can process these images fast enough is by using computer system, so we have no choice. :'''Joey''': Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba has a good point, Joey. :'''Joey''': He does? :'''Yami Yugi''': First, ''they'' took Pegasus away… and now they’ve taken over Kaiba's company. Which means we've got to stop these criminals before they make their next move, and we have no time to lose! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Wow… You're more hung ho than I expected. You know, since you lost your title and all. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba, this fight is about so much more than a mere championship dueling title. Don’t ''you'' see!? People ''are'' getting hurt and the world's in danger! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Hmm. Blah, blah, blah. Don’t you get tired of making the same speech every time you’re faced with a challenge? Stop saving the world and get a hobby. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, we’ll meet you, Duke and your grandpa at the pier. :'''Rebecca''': 10-4 we’ll see you there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Take a look, Rafael. Your friend wasn't careful. :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Alister in stone]'' Alister. :'''Dartz''': Don't sound so displeased. He's better off where he is now. Alister's energy, along with ''our'' other prisoners', will fuel the great beast. The Pharaoh and his friends will be arriving shortly. I trust you'll give them a warm welcome, Hmm. :'''Rafael''': ''He'' won't escaped me this time. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the dock, Duke, Rebecca and Arthur looks up at the KaibaCorp helicopter arrives]'' :'''Duke Devlin''': Look, here they are! :''[KaibaCorp helicopter lands on dock it opens as Joey, Tristan, Yami Yugi, Téa got running off, Kaiba and Mokuba got walking off and Seto Kaiba turns to Roland and Fuguta sent a soulless Alister and soulless Rex Raptor to the Hospital]'' :'''Seto Kaiba''': Take those two to the medical center. ''I'm'' feeling generous. :'''Roland and Fuguta''': Right. :''[The KaibaCorp helicopter takes off to take Alister and Rex to the Hospital.]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Good luck, guys. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Stay safe. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Professor, I'm glad you're alright. :'''Joey''': Me too. Hey, hows was the road trip, guys? :'''Duke''': Could a been better. We hit a pretty big snag on the way. :'''Joey''': Flat tire? :'''Duke''': We ran into Mai and one of those freaks. The one that jumped in and ended ''your'' duel. :'''Joey''': That jerk. :'''Duke''': ''He's'' really got it in for you, man. and I'm afraid Mai's still on ''their'' side too. :'''Joey''': ''[growl]'' Just wait until I find ''him!'' :'''Rebecca''': ''[to Yami Yugi]'' Hey, any word yet on Yugi? :'''Yami Yugi''': No. :'''Rebecca''': We have to find him. If you don't get him back, I'll ''never'' forgive you. Plus we need him to fight these guys! :'''Yami Yugi''': I miss Yugi, too. and I promise I will rescue him. You have my word. But I need to pay a little visit to KaibaCorp first. :'''Rebecca''': Let ''me'' come with you! You'll need some tech support. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Ha! This Isn't some kind of field trip, kid. But I guess you can tag along if you want. :'''Rebecca''': ''I'm'' no kid! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Whatever you say, kid. :'''Rebecca''': Humph! :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[turning around walking off]'' I don't know about you geeks. But I have a company to save. So whoever's coming with ''me'', let's move. :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': OK. :'''Tea''': ''[to Yami Yugi]'' Good luck and be careful. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right, Thank you, Téa. ''[ran off with Kaiba]'' :'''Tristan''': Alright, Tea. We better tell the police what's going on. The way this is heading we're gonna need all the help we can get. :'''Tea''': Yeah, good point. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Policeman 1''': Why don't ''you'' start over and this time try telling the truth? :'''Tea''': Don't you understand? That is the truth. There's a motorcycle gang going around stealing people's souls with a magic card. :'''Policeman 1''': Ha! You kids watched too many cartoons. :'''Tristan''': We're serious. These guys are trying to take over the ''whole'' world. :'''Policeman 2''': Really... Tell me something young man... this so called "gang"... do ''they'' wear a symbol like this! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Here I come you creeps! :'''Rebecca''': Hey! Whoa! :'''Duke''': Get back here, Joey! Come on, man, we need a plan first! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': This is Valon, Go ahead. :'''Rafael''': ''[on radio]'' The Pharaoh's friends are heading your way. :'''Valon''': Good, Then is time for ''me'' to show Joey Wheeler who's boss. :'''Rafael''': Valon, wait! :''[Valon turns off the radio and hops on the motorcycle droves off on the way back to the city]'' :'''Valon''': ''[thinking]'' I gotta prove me-self to Mai. :''[Tristan and Tea saw Joey was running in the streets in the middle of the night]'' :'''Tristan''': Look, Here comes Joey! :'''Tea''': And there he goes. :'''Tristan''': Hey! Come back! You're going the wrong way! :'''Tea''': He's heading straight for the zombie patrol. :'''Tristan''': Go warn the others, Tea! I gotta stop him! ''[rans off]'' :'''Tea''': Tristan! :'''Joey''': ''[running, thinking]'' ''I'm'' coming for you, Dartz. And ''I'm'' not leaving without Yugi and Mai! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ===''Fighting for a Friend'' [4.25-29]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Tristan Taylor''': Joey, Come back! I'm wearing the wrong shoes for this! Joey, stop! :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''[stops and spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' What's that?! :'''Tristan''': Uh, Joey. :'''Joey''': Yeah? :'''Tristan''': Maybe we should start running again. :'''Joey and Tristan''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, stop! :'''Young guy''': You ever here looking both ways?! ''[droves off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Hold on! :'''Joey''': You're going the wrong way! :'''Tristan''': Turn back! :'''Young guy''': ''[spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' Whoa! Mommy! ''[falls off the motorcycle]'' It's just a dream... It's just a dream. ''[whimping and running away]'' :'''Joey''': See ya! ''[he and Tristan runs off as the Orichalcos soldier chases them]'' We've never out run this thing! :'''Tristan''': Joey! :''[Joey punches the Orichalcos soldier but then it shatters]'' :'''Tristan''': You beat him. :'''Joey''': ''[spots at Valon]'' Actually, I think ''he'' did. Hold on! I know you! [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|You're the one that took Mai!]] :'''Valon''': Right you are, mate! ''[droves turns around away]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! Come back! ''[runs after Valon]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey, Not again! Come back! :'''Joey''': ''[notices a motorcycle]'' This will do the trick. ''[puts the helmet on]'' Now... ''[picks up the motorcycle and hops on]'' Time to chase him down and save Mai! ''[droves off to chase Valon.]'' :'''Tristan''': Are you nuts?! ''[confused]'' I guess so. He's riding right into a trap. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[chucking]'' Keep fighting, my soldiers. We must continue to collect the souls of man and beast, Until we have amassed enough power to rebuild Atlantis. ''[evil laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile Tristan was running a middle of the streets looking for Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you?! ''[Mai’s motorcycle light appears towards him]'' Is that you Joey? :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[takes her bike helmet off, mad]'' Not quite but ''I'' am looking for ''him''. :'''Tristan''': ''[anger]'' Look, Mai… :'''Mai''': ''[anger]'' '''Save it, Dweeb!''' ''I'' know ''you’re'' his babysitter so where is ''he?!'' :'''Tristan''': ''[angrily]'' How should ''I know?!'' One of '''''your''''' little pals forced ''him'' into a game of ''Cat and Mouse.'' And now ''he's'' gone! :'''Mai''': ''[gasps in horror]'' It’s Valon! :'''Tristan''': This is all ''your'' fault, Mai! ''[Mai puts her helmet on]'' ''You’re'' the one who got Joey into this mess in the first place! :'''Mai''': '''Out of ''my'' way!''' ''[drove off]'' :'''Tristan''': ''[angrily]'' '''Hey! Get back here!''' The last thing ''he'' needs right now is '''''you!''''' ''[Mai ignores him and he growls angrily]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, old chum. Glad you could make it. Now let's get down to business, shall we? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Look, pal I want Mai back. :'''Valon''': Then why chase me? She happens to have a mind of her own, you know. :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''She'' did. At least... '''''She''''' did before ''you'' guys brainwashed '''''her'''!'' :'''Valon''': You don't get it, mate. No one was brainwashed! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? :'''Valon''': Mai chose to join ''our'' side with her own free will. And do you want to know why? ''She'' was sick of taking a back seat while ''you'' got all the fame! Then I stepped in and changed all that. :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''You'' messed with her head, that's what ''you'' did! ''She'' was the one of ''my'' best friends! But the last time I saw her ''she'' was saying things that Mai ''never'' would have said. :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#My_Freaky_Valentine|he and Mai's duel she chose to join Dartz's team]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Valon''': Wake up, Wheeler! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Who do you think you are!? and what do you what with me? ''You'' better start Explain yourself, now!? :'''Valon''': Okay, look, the name's Valon, ''I'' led you here to get rid of you for good, 'cause Mai ''can't'' be happy with ''you'' around! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? and what does that mean?! :'''Valon''': You're a constant reminder of what here life used to be, and Mai whats to forget all that! But as long as you still exist in this world, she be never be able to forget! So, I'm here to erase you for good! ''[thinking]'' ''Plus, I know that deep down, Mai still loves you. and I can't have that!'' ''[speaking]'' So, what do you say, Wheeler? Do we have ourselves a duel or not? Not that I'm giving you much of a choice! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': You know what, Valon, I never back down from a challenge! Especially when ''I'm'' fighting for a friend! Now let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000, Joey and Valon's duel begins]'' You're going down, My move. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[panting]'' All right. I'm officially lost. ''[panting]'' Phew. I guess I can pretty much forget about finding Joey now. ''[but the Orichalcos soldier behind him]'' Huh? ''[Orichalcos soldier roaring]'' AHHH! YOU AGAIN?! ''[gulp]'' Hi, remember me? :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[stop the car]'' Tristan! :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Tea''': Maybe we should get someone else behind the wheel. :'''Duke''': Tristan needs our help, Look! :'''Tea''': ''[looks at Tristan with Orichalcos soldier]'' Oh no! :'''Tristan''': Come on! I’m taking whatever you got! :'''Yami Yugi''': Go, Celtic Guardian! :''[Celtic Guardian attacks Orichalcos soldier]'' :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi, Téa and Rebecca''': Tristan! :'''Duke''': Hey! Are you alright?! :'''Tristan''': Huh? ''[sees The Pharaoh, Téa, Duke and Rebecca running towards him]'' Thanks, Pharaoh. You came in the nick of time. Of course, I could have taken him myself. :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid the only thing that would have been taken is your soul had we arrived any later. :'''Tristan''': I know, so those things are working for Dartz. :'''Téa''': ''[looks around]'' Hey, Where's Joey? I thought you guys were together? :'''Tristan''': We were, Until he decided to hop on some guy's motorcycle and take off after one of Dartz's little flunkies. :'''Duke''': ''[shocked]'' You're kidding! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no! Was it Valon? :'''Tristan''': Who? :'''Duke''': It's Valon. He's the young guy that Rebecca and I dueled. :'''Téa''': ''[to Rebecca]'' Is that a bad thing? :'''Rebecca''': Not only does Valon have a thing against Joey, but he's got a deck full of monsters I've never seen before. :'''Yami Yugi''': Let's go. We have to find Joey before it's too late. :'''Seto Kaiba''': That chump's gonna have to wait 'cause we've got bigger problems. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Seto Kaiba''': Look around you! ====Part 2==== :'''Joey Wheeler''': No, Not that! :'''Valon''': Well, looks like you're starting to catch on, mate. I play the Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': We’re just getting started. By the end of this duel, you’ll be begging for mercy. Then your old buddy Mai will see what a pathetic chump you really are, and hopefully she’ll realize why ''she'' walked out on you in the first place so ''she'' can move on already! :'''Joey''': ''[snarls]'' ''Watch it!'' :'''Valon''': Look, mate… All I’m watching out for is myself! And right now, the best thing for me is to get rid of you! 'Cause as long as you’re around, Mai's gonna be obsessed with dueling you. :'''Joey''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': That’s right. Since your last duel, all she talks about is a rematch. But I can’t let Mai put herself in that kind of danger again… So I got to you first. You see Wheeler, I’m not such a bad guy. We both what the same thing. We want Mai to be happy. :'''Joey''': Come on, Valon… Get real. Ha. If you really wanted Mai to be happy… You wouldn’t have brainwashed ''her'' in the first place! :'''Valon''': I told you, ''She'' chose to join us! :'''Joey''': No way! I know Mai, and ''she'' never would have walked out on us like that. Not unless someone messed with her head! And if you asked me, This Dartz guy is messing with all of your ''heads!'' That orichalcos card ''he'' gave you has evil magic in it, and it makes everyone who holds it go nuts! :'''Valon''': Are you done? If you are, then allow me to tell you the truth. That orichalcos card did more for Mai than you ever could. She was weak, and it made her strong! She was lost, and it showed her the way! :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Dartz joins Mai to part of Doma organization]], Dartz welcoming Mai.]'' :'''Dartz''': Welcome to our family, Miss Valentine. Now go, and remember the Orichcalos is always with you. :''[Mai went to see Valon outside]'' :'''Valon''': So, how's it feel? You've got what you always wanted. :'''Mai''': Look, I appreciate you taking me here... ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' But don't think this means I owe you anything. :'''Valon''': What? :'''Mai''': I do things my way. And I have no interest in being part of some team, Valon. I already made that mistake once and you know where it got me? Absolutely nowhere. So, no, thanks. :'''Valon''': ''[chuckles]'' I know what you mean. You and I are exactly the same, Valentine. :'''Mai''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': We're both loners. But you have to admit... Sometimes it's not all that fun. :''[Then [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#The_Creator_Returns|After she tooked Pegasus' soul]].]''. :'''Valon''': Why the long face, Mai? You just accomplished your first mission with flying colors. :'''Mai''': Yeah, I know, Valon. But defeating Maximilion Pegasus meant nothing to me. :'''Valon''': Huh? :'''Mai''': There's only one person out there ''I'' need to take apart, and that chump is Joey Wheeler. :''[flashback ends]'' :'''Valon''': Mai ''can’t'' stand the sight of you. And neither can I, mate. So ''I'' plan to take ''you'' down for ''her''. Once you’re out of the picture, ''she'' can move on to bigger and much better things. Like teaming up with ''me'' and leaving behind her past once and for all! :'''Joey''': No way, Valon. Mai would never want to get rid of me after what we’ve been through. ''We’re friends!'' ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Keith's Machination|Joey and Mai inside the castle at Duelist Kingdom]]. flashback ends]'' Mai has nothing in common with you. So ''she'' may be a little rough around the edges and ''she'' can have an attitude every once in a while, but ''she’d'' never ''join'' up with a bunch of low-lives who have some crazy plan to take over the world. :'''Valon''': We’ll just see. :'''Joey''': Whatever ''you'' guys did to her… ''I’m'' gonna undo as soon if ''I’m'' gonna win this… so why do we moved on! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I know Valon's around here somewhere and I have to stop this duel now. I better be too late 'cause I’m gonna make Wheeler pay for what ''he'' did to me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': Let's try this again. ''[typing the laptop]'' Come on... ''[groans]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Hey! Any luck in there, Rebecca? :'''Téa Gardner''': You've asked five times. She's working as fast as she can. :'''Duke Devlin''': Aren't ''you'' the one who told us to have faith? :'''Tristan Taylor''': Why don't ''you'' get off my back, Duke! Joey's in trouble, and it we don't move fast things could get even worse! :'''Téa Gardner''': ''[calmly]'' Take it easy, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': I can't, Téa! Don't ''you'' guys see that this ''whole'' thing is ''my'' fault!? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': When Joey and I got [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On_the_Wrong_Track|separated from you guys]], ''he'' told me about his plan, and I should have talked to him out of it then. :''[Flashes back to Joey and Tristan carry Rex Raptor on the railway tracks to find Tea and Yami Yugi, but Joey had a long face.]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': I just figured it all out. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Figured what out? What are you talking about, Joey? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Why [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai teamed up with ''those'' low-lives]]. It's 'cause ''I'' was a terrible friend after ''she'' did to Pegasus. I let her down. :'''Tristan Taylor''': That's crazy. :'''Joey Wheeler''': But it's true. If Dartz maybe the one that brainwashed ''her''. But ''I'm'' the one that drove her away in the first place. Now I gotta go and set things straight by finding these guys and breaking ''that'' spell! :'''Tristan Taylor''': But how? ''[confused]'' Oh, man. :''[Flashback end cuts back to the present]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': What was ''I'' thinking?! How could ''I'' let him do this?! :'''Téa Gardner''': Joey's got a mind of his own, Tristan. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' Let's just hope ''he's'' using it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': My move! ''[draws the card]'' Look out! Now we’re taking. Let’s see stand up to this guy! ''[holds up the "Claw of Hermos" card]'' :''[To Be Continued…]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Tristan''': I can't wait around anymore! ''[grunting]'' Joey needs our help and ''he'' needs it now! :'''Téa''': ''[calmly]'' Tristan, you must chill. :'''Duke''': Téa's right, Tristan. Without Kaiba's tracking system we have no hope of finding him. :'''Tristan''': Am I the only one here who understands what's going on? Joey may be losing ''his'' soul as we speak. ''Let's go!'' :'''Téa''': I didn't think of it like that. Maybe we should go. :'''Yami Yugi''': Not yet. We have to have faith that Rebecca can find him. Until then I know Joey can take care of himself. He's been in tough situations before. :'''Téa''': Not this tough. :'''Rebecca''': Hey, I did it! I finally found Joey. If this read out's right, Joey's not far, guys. :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, I'll takes this and track him down. You move the trailer to a safer place. :'''Tea''': Not so fast Pharaoh. ''[Pharaoh stops and looks at Tea and Tristan]'' You're not going alone. :'''Tristan''': That's right. We're all this together. :'''Yami Yugi''': I guess You've made up your minds. ''[smile]'' Thank you. Now let's go. :'''Rebecca''': Ahem. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, You stay here. Duke, can you keep an eye on them until we get back. :'''Duke''': You got it. :'''Rebecca''': No, I want to go, too. Come on, Grandpa. :'''Arthur''': Uh-uh We've got our own work to do. We need your talents back here. :''[Rebecca sighs]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, as soon as Joey safe, we'll find Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': Promise me he's all right. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi's going to be just fine. I promise. Please, trust me. :'''Duke''': Come on, man, you don't have a second to lose, so go kick some butt and take names. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, that's one way to put it. :'''Tristan''': Let's chit-chat later, OK. :'''Rebecca''': Good luck with everything. :'''Yami Yugi''': You, too. :'''Arthur''': If you need us, just call. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :''[They ran off together to find Joey]'' :'''Arthur''': Don't worry, Rebecca. ''[Rebecca looks at her grandfather]'' Yugi will be back here safe and sound in no time at all. :'''Rebecca''': But how do you know? :'''Arthur''': Because I believe in the Pharaoh, and you should too. :'''Rebecca''': Fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' You're mine, Wheeler. <hr width="50%"/> :''[When Mai showed up and found Valon in the duel with Joey]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, Mai! You're just in time to catch the end of the greatest duel ever played. :'''Mai''': ''[takes off her helmet]'' You and I had a deal, remember!? Joey Wheeler's mine! ''[Orichalcos blocks her]'' Ah! :'''Joey''': Mai, no! :'''Mai''': Look, you've done enough, so why don't you take a hike and let ''me'' finish this!? :'''Valon''': Sorry, no can do. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Valon''': I'm having way too much fun out here to stop now. Plus this duel is no place for you. :'''Mai''': Why's that? :'''Valon''': There's too much at stake. I won't let you risk losing everything you have. That's why ''I'' challenged Joey Wheeler in the first place to protect ''you''. I wanted to get rid of ''him'' so you'd be able to move on with ''your'' life, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. :'''Joey''': Guess what, Mai. ''I'm'' fighting for ''same'' reason. :'''Valon''': Then let's get on with it! Shall we? I can't wait to see what you play next. :'''Joey''': You're gonna have to wait, Valon, 'cause I play one card face down and end my turn. :'''Valon''': Big mistake, pal. ====Part 4==== :''[Joey and Valon were engaged in an armored standoff in the middle of the Oricalchos field]'' :'''Joey''': It's time to activate Big Bang Dragon Blow's special effect! ''[Joey tributes Red-Eyes Black Dragon to make Big Bang Dragon Blow supercharged]'' By sacrificing my Red-Eyes, I made my armored fist even more powerful! Now it's able to destroy all your monsters and subtract their strength from your Life Points! ''[Big Bang Dragon Blow builds up pressure against Valon and Joey sends Valon flying away from the center and destroying his Armor monsters]'' :'''Valon''': ''[skids to a halt]'' You did it. You won. ''[panting and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' Congratulations. Goodbye. :'''Mai''': ''[gasps in horror]'' It's ''my'' fault. :'''Valon''': Don't be silly, Mai. I caused my own downfall. I thought if I won I could make you forget about Joey Wheeler. But now I understand why ''he'' meant so much to you. The guy's got heart. :'''Mai''': Valon, wait. :'''Valon''': Hey Joey, It's up to you now, Saved Mai. :'''Mai''': Valon! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan... I sense the arrival of powerful soul. Let's see who, shall we? ''[spots at Valon in stone]'' Well... look what the orichalcos dragged in. My former employee. Now it's Miss Valentine's turn to send me a soul... or to give up her own. ''[evily laughter]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Valon's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Valon. Come back... Valon. :'''Joey''': It's too late. The Orichalcos has him now. ''[Mai remembers to flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|what Valon said]] flashback ends]'' Hey, Mai... We'll get him back. :'''Mai''': How could he do this? Valon's the one who told me you have to duel for yourself. Then he turns around and fights you to protect me? How pathetic. Hmm. He deserved this. :'''Joey''': What? Look, Mai, Valon realized what ''he'' told you was wrong. ''He'' found out what dueling is really about determination and heart. :'''Mai''': Hmm. :'''Joey''': He fought like a true duelist today. :'''Mai''': I thought you wanted to destroy him. :'''Joey''': Hold on, Mai, Valon may ''have'' annoyed me... but no one deserves to have their soul ''taken'' away and then held captive by some power-hungry psychopath! I don't care who ''they'' are! :'''Mai''': Ha. :'''Joey''': You know what, Mai... I realize something now. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Joey''': As long as that Orichalcos thing has control over ''your'' mind, I'll ''never'' be able to talk any sense into ''you!'' As a matter of fact, the only way I can save you at this point is to ''duel you!'' So, what do you say!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I see. So you beat this loser and now it's gone to your head? :'''Joey''': It isn't like that, Mai. :'''Mai''': Why else would you be dumb enough to challenge me a duel? You should have learned your lesson from ''our'' last match. :'''Joey''': The only way I can get through to you… is by ''dueling'' you! :'''Mai''': If you say so. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' :'''Mai and Joey''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': Finally, you're giving me a ''real'' challenge… but you're gonna have to do better than that! 'Cause before my Aero Nail goes to the graveyard, it's transferring its power to my other Harpie! :'''Joey''': Fine! I place one card facedown! Give me your best shot! :'''Mai''': You're pretty confident for someone who's about to lose! Now, stand back! My move! I drew it. :'''Joey''': Oh, no! :'''Mai''': Yup! The Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': We're both locked in the Seal and only ''one'' of us will escape! No one can come to your rescue now. It's just you, me, and the most powerful magic card that's ever been created! :'''Joey''': I know. I was expecting this. ====Part 5==== :'''Téa''': We gotta find him! :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you, man?! :'''Téa''': Hey are you down there?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Joey! Answer us?! :'''Téa''': Hello?! :'''Tristan''': I could swear that Orichalcos thing activated right here. :'''Téa''': Me, too. So why isn't it here now? Unless we're too late! :'''Tristan''': Don't say that, Téa! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hang in there, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Congratulations. You win. :''[Collapses from exhaustion]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, no! You're wrong. I never attacked so you didn't lose the duel. :'''Joey''': But, I'm too exhausted... to finish. :'''Mai''': I won't let the Orichalcos take you away, Joey. :'''Joey''': It's too late for that. I already lost the duel, so there's no turnin' back. I'm just glad that if one of us had to lose our soul, it didn't have to be you, Mai. :'''Mai''': Don't say that. :'''Joey''': Hey, Mai, that was one of the greatest duels I ever fought. Thank you. :''[His spirit is taken by the Seal, leaving Mai horrified]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! NO! :''[The fragment of the Orchicalcos on her [[w: choker |choker]] shatters]'' :'''Dartz''': She's been set free! ''[spots at Joey Wheeler in stone]'' Ah! But what's this? It seems miss Valentine has served her purpose. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': Joey, wait! ''[drops the Claw of Hermos card she hold Joey's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' SNAP OUT OF IT! This is all ''my'' fault! I was angry and confused, and I blamed all my loneliness on you! So I tried to get rid of you. How could ''I'' be so selfish? You're the only one who ever cared about ''me''. ''[sobbing]'' You're the closest friend I ever had, and how did I repay you? By leaving you for a madman who promised me power. ''[grabs the Claw of Hermos card]'' I'll make him regret the day he ever met Mai Valentine! ''[she hops the motorcycle droves off back to Paradius leaving Joey behind next to Valon.]'' ''[thinking]'' The only way to fix this is to meet Dartz face to face. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai arriving back to Paradius headquarters and looks up]'' :'''Mai''': Here goes nothing. :''[?]'' :'''Mai''': Hey Dartz! Is that you? :'''Rafael''': Guess again, Mai. :'''Mai''': Rafael! What do you want!? :'''Rafael''': I came here to ''duel'' you. And to take ''your'' soul. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh, Tristan and Tea arrives and they found a soulless Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Tea''': What happened? :'''Yami Yugi''': He lost the duel. :'''Tea''': Wait, Does that mean? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes his soul belongs to Dartz now. ===''Grappling with a Guardian'' [4.30-32]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Téa''': Joey, please say something? :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't think he can hear us. :'''Téa''': Then it's true. The Orichalcos took ''his'' soul. :'''Tristan''': When ''I'' get my hands on the person who did this to Joey, they're gonna wish they were never born! Wake up, man. :'''Téa''': Who did do this? ''[she looks at the soulless Valon]'' 'Cause by the looks of Valon, I have to say it wasn't him. So Tristan what's going on here? :'''Tristan''': Don't you see Tea? Joey must have ''defeated'' Valon and then Mai showed up. ''She'' did this to ''him''. I'm sure of it! :'''Téa''': How could she? :'''Tristan''': Easily. She couldn't wait to get rid of Joey. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's true, Tristan, However, There's only one person we can really blame for all of this, and I think you know who I mean. ''He'' hides safely in his fortress while others do his dirty work. Well, not anymore. ''[rans off]'' :'''Téa''': Pharaoh, Wait! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' This all ends now, Dartz. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over, evilly laughing]'' We've been expecting you, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yami Yugi looks at soulless Mai Valentine in the elevator]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps]'' Mai? Mai, say something. She must have been in a duel, and it appears she lost both the duel and her soul. I must put an end to this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Well, It's about time you showed up for ''our'' rematch. :'''Yami Yugi''': This doesn't concern you, Rafael. ''I'm'' here to see Dartz. Is ''your'' master so much of a coward that ''he'' sent you to do his battles for ''him''? :'''Rafael''': Not quite. You owe me something. But first. ''[holds a card and he catches the card to the Pharaoh]'' Why don't you take this? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots the Claw of Hermos card]'' It's the Claw of Hermos. Joey's card. So ''you're'' the one who ''defeated'' Joey, aren't you? :'''Rafael''': Actually, Mai beat Joey, then ''I defeated'' her. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? Wasn't Mai on ''your'' side? :'''Rafael''': I never trusted her, and turns out I was right all along. ''[Flashback to his and Mai's duel inside Paradius; voice-over]'' After she took [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey's soul]], ''she'' turned on me. :'''Mai''': I've had it with ''your'' ridiculous world domination mumbo jumbo and ''I'' want out! It's time for your master Dartz to answer for what ''he'' made ''me'' do to Joey. Let's see how ''he'' likes it when the orichalcos captures ''him!'' :'''Rafael''': ''You'' sure you don't wanna take that back? Dartz isn't exactly known for his sense of humor. :'''Mai''': So? :'''Rafael''': Then you leave me no ''choice.'' It's my duty to protect him, so goodbye to ''your'' soul. ''[activates his chaos duel disk and Mai activates her chaos duel disk, voice-over]'' Biggest mistake ''she'' ever made. :''[Rafael defeats Mai and she screaming as the orichalcos claims her soul away.]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! I'm sorry, I tried my best. ''[collapses and drops the Claw of Hermos card.]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[voice-over]'' Unfortunately, her best wasn't good enough. :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': This madness has to stop. Just think of how many innocent lives have been destroyed. You may be next. :'''Rafael''': Do you think I really care? I made a commitment to help Master Dartz save the planet from crumbling at the hands of people like you, and if keeping my promise means giving up my own soul, well, then so be it, 'cause even if I'm captured, I'll be doing my part by giving the Great Leviathan the strength it needs to restore peace to the world once again. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up, Rafael! Can't you see that your so-called Master Dartz is just using you to satisfy his own selfish needs? If you really what to save the world, then stop fighting me and join ''my'' side. :'''Rafael''': As soon as the great beast is revived, I'm afraid your side will no longer exist, Pharaoh, and all it needs to get started is one more strong soul. :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no. It's true. :'''Rafael''': You better believe it. as we speak, the Great Leviathan lurks in the shadows all over the earth. And as soon as I defeat you, your life energy will be offered to the beast, giving it the strength it needs to fully cross over into our world. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Tristan and Tea running the streets Tristan carried Joey]'' :'''Tristan''': Why did the Pharaoh take off liked that? :'''Téa''': He must've gone after Dartz for what happened to Yugi. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': As we speak, the most devastating creature that ever lived is waiting to rise again. All it needs now is your soul, and the Sacred Seal of Orichalcos will take care of that once I take you down. Of course, ''I'' already defeated you once, but somehow ''you'' were able to cheat me by switching places with ''someone'' else. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fate_of_the_Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi]]. Flashback ends]'' Don't even think about trying to pull a stunt like that again, Pharaoh. I don't appreciate being lied to, and besides, there's no one for you to hide behind this time, 'cause now it's just you and me. The winner leaves a free man. The loser becomes a prisoner to the beast! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're on! If that's what it takes to set my friends free, then let's duel! And once you're out of ''my'' way, ''I'' can go straight for Dartz! It's just a shame that a duelist with ''your'' talents has to throw it all away by following a madman. :'''Rafael''': Look, Master Dartz opened me up the truth and made me who I am today. You're just jealous because you ''don't'' have one of ''[holds up the Seal of Orichalcos card]'' ''these'', right? Well, not anymore, anyway. :'''Yami Yugi''': You ''can't'' tempt ''me'' with that again, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': I wasn't planning on it, but you can have one last look at it while you shuffle ''my'' deck… for old time's sake. :'''Yami Yugi''': I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work. I ''won't'' give in to my dark side! :'''Rafael''': We'll see about that. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I must stay true to my heart, no matter what ''he'' tries to do. :''[The two shuffle their decks]'' :'''Rafael''': May the best man win...and when I do, you'll be gone forever. I'm gonna enjoy this. :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Time to Duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I'm surprised he didn't play the Seal of Orichalcos right away. Perhaps he's toying with me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Now I play Butterfly Dagger. This weapon gives my Backup Gardna 300 extra attack points. It also allows me to summon my Guardian Elma. :'''Yami Yugi''': I've never seen that Guardian monster. :'''Rafael''': There are plenty of monsters in my deck you've never seen, and this one lets me bring my Guardian Shield back from the graveyard. And I'll give it to Guardian Elma. Plus, my Backup Gardna's special ability transfers my Butterfly Dagger to Guardian Elma. Now, Guardian Elma… attack his Queen's Knight! Guardian Grarl, it's your turn now! Attack his King's Knight with Gravity Axe! What now, Pharaoh? What puny knight stands between me and your Life Points? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He gave up his own strength to save his monster! ''[speaking]'' I'll place two cards face down and end my turn. ''[thinking]'' I've never come across a duelist like him before. He refuses to let any of his monsters go to the card graveyard. He protects them at all costs! Why would a duelist like this hold a card like the Seal of Orichalcos? ''[speaking]'' Rafael, don't you understand what's going on here? As long as you're loyal to Dartz, you'll never be true to yourself. You have too much respect for your cards to use them for such an evil purpose. But Dartz has brainwashed you into believing you're someone else! :'''Rafael''': The only thing Master Dartz did was open my eyes to the truth. :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Rafael''': This world is an evil place, and ''you're'' part of the problem. So I'm here to fix that. And thanks to my master, I have just the tool to do it. Now, I play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': NO, RAFAEL! PLEASE, DON'T! :'''Rafael''': Sorry, Pharaoh, it's too late for that now. Your fate is sealed! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Hey look guys. It's Mai. :'''Mokuba''': ''[looks at soulless Mai]'' Oh, man. Don't tell me you guys she lost her soul too. :'''Tristan''': I don't mean to sound insensitive, but who's carrying her? :'''Yami Yugi''': You're making a mistake! RAFAEL! NO! ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': This time the Seal belongs to me! :'''Yami Yugi''': What were you thinking, Rafael? Now one of us is going to lose his soul. :'''Rafael''': That's the whole point, Pharaoh. The Great Leviathan needs power, and once I take you down and capture your soul, that legendary creature will have the strength it needs to awaken. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. :'''Tristan''': That's the same guy who beat Yugi last time! :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[shocked]'' What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': It's time to bring out my ultimate monster, but first I'll play this card, Celestial Sword - Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' The Sword of Eatos? This can only mean one thing: he's about to summon Guardian Eatos! :'''Rafael''': Now I'll draw two cards. The time has come to play the card that beat you last time. It's my Guardian Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': I have to act quickly! With 500 Life Points left, I don't have much time! ''[Guardian Eatos soon becomes infected by the darkness of the Orichalcos]'' Look what you've done to your Guardian! It's been consumed by darkness! :'''Rafael''': Exactly, and it's more powerful than ever now. Nothing can stop it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Guardian Eatos tries to destroy Yugi's Dark Magician with her Celestial Sword and it breaks, cutting her attack points back to 3000]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Allow me to clear things up for you. A few moments ago, I sent three monsters to my graveyard, one of which saved me. That card was this, my Electromagnetic Turtle! When this monster was destroyed, it created an electromagnetic barrier, shielding my magician from your attack. :'''Rafael''': No way. He had that planned all along! :'''Tristan''': In your face, meathead! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' The Pharaoh's gonna pay for mocking the power of my Guardian Eatos. ''[speaking]'' I END MY TURN! :'''Yami Yugi''': Perhaps you should've thought twice before you poisoned your own monsters with the dark powers of the Orichalcos. Take it from someone with experience. Betraying your monsters only backfires in the end. :'''Rafael''': You played the Seal of Orichalcos once and all of a sudden you're an expert of the subject? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You can't win a duel with defense, Pharaoh. All you're doing is stalling for time. Well, I'm afraid your time's just run out. Eatos, destroy his most valuable monster, the Dark Magician! :'''Tristan''': Oh, no! :'''Téa''': Pharaoh! :'''Mokuba''': Do something! :'''Yami Yugi''': Magical Hats, activate! Hide my monsters! :'''Rafael''': What's going on?! :'''Tristan''': Awesome! Magical Hats shuffled Yugi's monsters so Blondie blasted the wrong one. :'''Mokuba''': That's true, but he gets to attack again, so Yugi's magician's still in danger! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, one of these three remaining hats is concealing my monster, so go ahead! Hit me with your best shot! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' Three hats and one monster. I know what I have to do. I'll use Elma to improve my odds, then I'll send Grarl to finish things off. ''[speaking]'' Go, Elma! Find his Dark Magician! ''[Guardian Elma strikes her butterfly dagger at the second hat]'' Now I have a 50-50 shot. Guardian Grarl, attack! :''[Guardian Grarl punches the third hat with his fist, Dark Magician appears from the last hat]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Wrong hat! :'''Rafael''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': What a shame. Looks like you used up all of your chances. :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' How could I have messed that up?! I was about to win the duel and capture the Pharaoh! ''[speaking]'' My turn's not over yet! I activate my Rod of Silence! This lets me play another Guardian monster, my all-powerful Guardian Kay'est! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh destroys Guardian Eatos with his Amulet Dragon, Guardian Dreadscythe appears on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[horrified shock]'' What's that?! :'''Téa''': ''[terrified]'' I've got one word: nasty! :'''Tristan''': Here's four: I'm gonna be sick. :'''Yami Yugi''': For the last time, what is that thing?! :'''Rafael''': I told you-- when Eatos goes to the graveyard, '''''this''''' monster is summoned to the field in its place. So say hello to my Guardian Dreadsycthe! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hello and goodbye. It's no match for my dragon! :'''Rafael''': It will be. First, I'll boost its strength with my Reaper Scythe magic card. Now, for the best part, thanks to its new weapon, my Guardian of darkness gains 500 attack points for every monster in my graveyard. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? I thought you despised having monsters in your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': But I despise ''you'' even more, so what's a few monsters in the grave if it means destroying you forever? And with only 500 Life Points left, you won't last long. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': I know first-hand what the Oricalchos does to a person's heart and I can help you. Think, when Earls was destroyed, you released your anger on your other monsters. You left the Oricalchos feed on your rage like I did. :'''Rafael''': So? What's your point? :'''Yami Yugi''': That this isn't who you really are. The darkness within you has taken control, and now you must face that darkness head on. It's the only way for you to save yourself. :'''Rafael''': ''You'' need to be saved. :'''Yami Yugi''': If you don't believe my words, then maybe this will convince you! :'''Rafael''': What are you holding? :'''Yami Yugi''': A card that forces you to take a closer look at yourself-- Underworld Circle! :'''Rafael''': What on earth does that do? :'''Yami Yugi''': BEHOLD! It's time to take some responsibility for what you've done, Rafael! Underworld Circle, activate! ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': First, I'll use the magic of Underworld Circle to bring my Big Shield Gardna back from the graveyard! Then, I'll activate my Pot of Greed! This let me draw two cards. ''[thinking]'' Excellent. That's just the card I've been waiting for! ''[speaking]'' Time to face what you did… when you betrayed your heart! For now, I activate the magic card, Spider Web, which let me use a card from your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': What's the point of all this? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm using my Spider Web to bring back your Monster Reborn card. And I'm planning on using it to save you by setting you free from the darkness! :'''Rafael''': Yeah, whatever. :'''Yami Yugi''': I use Monster Reborn to revive a creature that once saved your life and that you in turn, deserted! ''[resurects Guardian Eatos]'' :'''Rafael''': Eatos?! :'''Téa''': What's he gonna do with that card? :'''Mokuba''': Hopefully win. :'''Yami Yugi''': One more thing. ''[thinking]'' Joey… I can only accomplish this with your help. ''[speaking]'' I summon The Claw of Hermos! :'''Tristan''': Hey, Joey! Check it out, man! He just summoned your boy! :'''Yami Yugi''': And now, Hermos and Queen's Knight, combine together to form Goddess Bow! That doubles the attack points of Guardian Eatos! And since Eatos has been removed from your graveyard, your Dreadscythe gets weaker! :'''Rafael''': What are you up to? Our monsters are even now. So if you attack, they're both destroyed. But mine comes back! :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see about that! I have a few more surprises planned! Eatos attack his Dreadscythe, NOW! I activate the special ability of my Goddess Bow! Now every time your Dreadscythe revives itself, Eatos can attack again! :'''Rafael''': No! :'''Yami Yugi''': And don't forget, with each attack, you lose another card! :'''Mokuba''': Of course! If Rafael runs out of cards, his monster can't come back! :'''Yami Yugi''': The dark flame of your Dreadscythe is now extinguished. ===''A Duel with Dartz'' [4.33-38]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Go! Hurry! Stop him! Stop Dartz! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes come home my children. <hr width="50%"/> :''[They spots at Yugi, Joey, Mai, Pegasus, Weevil, Rex, Alister, Valon and all many people in stone]'' :'''Tristan''': Dude, what's with all these people chiseled in stone? :'''Téa''': They're just any people! Take a look! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no! There's Mai and Weevil! :'''Tristan''': This must be everyone who lost ''their'' soul! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over]'' What a touching reunion. Too bad your friends turned out to be a bunch of stiffs. ''[laughing evilly and reveals himself from fire]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Dartz! :'''Dartz''': You were expecting someone else? Well, due to the carelessness of my employees, ''I'm'' the only one left. You can't find good help these days. :'''Kaiba''': Look, I want my company back, so can the small talk! :'''Dartz''': Is that so? Well, guess what? We all want something. As for me, I want your souls for my wall. I even have the spot picked out. :'''Kaiba''': Save it, Dartz! It'll take a lot more than a few party tricks to scare me! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now, for the last time, release ''our'' friends! :'''Dartz''': That's not possible. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Dartz''': I mean they've already been put to use. As we speak, their life energy supplies to the most devastating creature that ever lived. :'''Téa''': Oh, great. Now, what? :'''Dartz''': My 10,000 year old collection is almost complete. Once I get you two, the beast can rise. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! You've been collecting souls for all those years?! Do you know how many lives you've destroyed?! :'''Dartz''': ''[snickers evilly]'' Millions! And each one of them deserved their fate! Take a moment to look around, won't you? Some of my favorite conquests are in this very room. And since it's taken me millennia to complete, it's quite the history lesson. :'''Tea''': He's right. Look at the outfits on these guys. :'''Mokuba''': So some of these people lived in the past? :'''Dartz''': Now you're catching on. Ever since the Great Leviathan was laid to rest, I've been gathering the energy necessary to fuel its rebirth. :'''Kaiba''': Come on, you expect us to believe that junk? :'''Dartz''': Ye of little faith. Just duel me and I promise I'll make a believer out of you, For when you lose, there will be no denying my power. :'''Kaiba''': Then let's stop talking and start dueling. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't, Kaiba-- not alone. This lunatic is far too dangerous. :'''Dartz''': So why don't you join him? And when I defeat you, ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' I'll get two souls for the price of one! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right. Ready, Kaiba? :'''Kaiba''': I'm way ahead of you. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile… Rafael puts a soulless Valon on the back of the jeep along a soulless Mai on front seat]'' :'''Rafael''': Don't worry, I'll save you both. Mark my words, Dartz ''is'' gonna pay. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh and Kaiba summon Blue-Eyes White Dragon and Black Luster Soldier, both monsters with 3000 attack points]'' :'''Mokuba''': All right! Dartz better watch out! They just summoned two major league monsters on their first turn! :'''Dartz''': Those pathetic creatures may work in your little card tournaments, but I'm afraid ''I'' play a completely different game-- a game in which the winner takes ALL, and the loser pays the ultimate price! This card was born from the darkness itself! ''[echoes]'' Behold, a power that has existed since the dawn of time. The very power that shall strip you of your souls! ''[plays the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Mokuba''': Whoa. Do you feel that? :'''Tristan''': If you mean the sudden drop in temperature and that freaky evil vibe in the air, then yes, I do. :'''Téa''': ''[worried]'' Me too. :'''Dartz''': Now that I've set the tone for this duel, allow me to continue. Watch this… Arise, Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': I faced this beast before, and it was almost impossible to destroy, Kaiba. :'''Kaiba''': That's 'cause last time you didn't have me to bail you out. :'''Dartz''': Next, I'll sacrifice 500 of my Life Points. That let's me summon my Orichalcos Kyutora. And, thanks to the Seal, it gets an additional 500 points. All right. I guess that'll do for now. ====Part 2==== :''[Dartz, Yami Yugi, and Kaiba hovering above the city of Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Behold, the lost city of Atlantis and all its glory. Just as it was 10,000 years ago, a perfect civilization or so I thought. Surrounded by oceans as far as the eye could see, we were isolated from the rest of the world. :''[A scene depicts the once glorious city of Atlantis and all of Earth's creatures]'' :'''Dartz''': Our lives were simple, we existed side by side with all of Earth's creatures and we knew nothing of violence. But, then that changed. :''[a meteor shower rains upon Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Darkness ascended upon us and a strange substance rained down from the heavens. A substance that will change our lives. :'''Yami Yugi''': The Orichalcos. :'''Kaiba''': Please tell me that story time is over, I'd like to duel. :'''Dartz''': The tale of my past directly affects the fate of your future. So if I were you, I pay close attention. :''[it seems the city of Atlantis had changed]'' :'''Dartz''': Now thanks to the stones of the Orichalcos, the people of Atlantis needed advancement in technology that were never before imagine. And soon, I ruled over the most highly developed civilization the world had ever known. However, with progress comes greed and eventually violence, I knew what had to be done. But, my father, former king Ironheart had different ideas. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Ironheart was your father?! But how? :'''Kaiba''': If you ask questions, this ridiculous story is never going to end. :'''Dartz''': That old fool never had what took to be king and on my 21st birthday, he allowed me to take over and filled his unimpressive shoes. So as technology continued to advance and the hearts of my people continued to seek deeper into the darkness. It was up to me to remedy the situation, the citizens of Atlantis were growing more and more selfish. And if I didn't act soon, I would lose complete control, but even I couldn't have imagine what would happen next. :''[The Orichalcos began to show the true nature of the Atlanteans]'' :'''Dartz''': The Orichalcos began to test us, it revealed the truth about who we were. :''[The people of Atlantis are beginning to turn into monsters]'' :'''Dartz''': Those who were wicked on the inside became wicked on the outside. :''[Meanwhile, Iona is struggling]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona, are you all right? :'''Dartz''': Wait, come back! What's going on?! :''[Dartz soon finds out that his beloved wife also turned into a monster]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona! :'''Dartz''': I didn't realize it first, but the true colors of my people were revealed to me that day. :'''Dartz''': But why? Why is this happening? :''[a bright green light appears in the water fountain]'' :'''Dartz''': I couldn't understand how a society as perfect as ours could crumble like this. :''[He picks up an Orichalcos stone]'' :'''Dartz''': But soon the Orichalcos would answer all my questions. The people of Atlantis were evil and I have been chosen to wipe them out and start over again. But I couldn't accomplish such a task on my own, I was but one man so the Orichalcos gave me a gift, something powerful enough to lead my fight against mankind. For deep below the Earth's surface lives the most incredible creature ever lived, the Great Leviathan! And it was mine, and shortly that this great beast will return to finish what it began! :'''Dartz''': I was ready to begin my task of recreating civilization on Earth, but one person stood in my way. :''[A scene where Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are in the throne room]'' :'''Ironheart''': My son, you know what you have to do. Destroy those Orichalcos stones so we can return the light we once knew. :''[Dartz sitting on his throne with a gold eye]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[laughs]'' Do you honestly believe that we can go back to the way things were. It's too late for that, Father. :'''Ironheart''': But, Dartz... :'''Dartz''': The true nature of our people have been exposed. We now know that the citizens of this planet are evil and must be destroy! :'''Ironheart''': What?! :'''Dartz''': You heard me, old man! We should be thanking the Orichalcos for showing us the truth. Not blaming it for the faults of mankind, but this mysterious substance that rained down above us had open up my eyes. Not only has it showed me what's wrong, it's given me the tools to fix it. For now I have the power to awaken a mighty creature known as the Great Leviathan! And by the power of the Orichalcos, this beast will rise up from the depths of the earth and fight by my side! And when I'm through, I shall rebuild civilization! :''[The stones have summoned an army of Orichalcos soldiers]'' :'''Ironheart''': Dartz! What's going on?! :''[Dartz laughs evilly]'' :'''Dartz''': Meet my Orichalcos soldiers! :'''Chris''': ''[scared]'' Grandpa, I'm scared! :'''Dartz''': If ''you'' join my side, you have nothing to fear. If not, farewell. :'''Ironheart''': We'll never join ''you''! '''''Never!''''' Let's go, Chris! :''[They escape from the throne room]'' :'''Dartz''': Have it your way. :''[Dartz appears on his balcony and addresses his army]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has come to cleanse the world of its impurities! So arise my children and conquer the people of Earth! And this planet shall be yours! :''[Meanwhile Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are walking from their city and they enter a cave]'' :'''Chris''': What are we going to do, Grandpa? :'''Ironheart''': Your father is under the control of an evil force and ''he'' must be stopped. The future of our planet depends on it. Through there, hurry! :''[Chris and Skye suddenly runs through an carving of monsters on the walls]'' :'''Chris''': What's there? Why are those monsters carved in stone? :'''Ironheart''': We've come here to ask for their help. :''[The scene depicts the battle of Atlantis between Dartz's Orichalcos army and Ironheart's army of monsters]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': And so the Battle of Atlantis began! You see my father had opened up a gateway to the Dominion of the Beasts and he used the monsters within to form an army of his own. :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me, what was the battle's outcome? :'''Dartz''': Neither side were victorious and Atlantis sunk to the bottom of the sea. My father's monster army were scattered around the world and sealed away until they be needed again. The Leviathan was drained of its power and also sealed away. It's taken me 10,000 years to gather the energy necessary to bring it back. All that's left of me to do is to defeat you two in this duel. Then your souls will awaken the Great Leviathan and my plan will finally come to pass. :'''Kaiba''': Hold on! We already defeated you! Our Master of Dragon Soldier should've wipe out the rest of your life points. :'''Dartz''': Perhaps it should have, but I'm afraid it didn't. Your pathetic attack failed short of its target. So this duel is still on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Gigas, return! :'''Yami Yugi''': I told you, Kaiba. Each time his Gigas is destroyed, it comes back even stronger! :'''Dartz''': Face it, you'll never defeat me! The power of the Orichalcos will swallow you both! Now back to the duel. Since my Gigas returned to me, I can't draw a card. But no matter, everything I need is in my hand. So I'll enhance the power of the Seal with this-- the magic of Orichalcos Deuteros! ''[laughs evilly]'' :'''Kaiba''': What's going on?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Somehow he's made the Seal of Orichalcos stronger! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Dartz activates the Orichalcos Deuteros spell card, adding another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Dartz''': Gentlemen, welcome to the second level of darkness! :'''Kaiba''': The what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't know how. But Dartz just added another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Tea''': Right! So what does that mean? :'''Dartz''': The first benefit of my Orichalcos Deuteros, is the addition of 500 Life Points each turn for every monster I have on the field. Therefore, since I have two, that's 1,000 points! :'''Kaiba''': What?! How are we supposed to wipe him out?! :'''Dartz''': You're not. It makes me invincible! Next, I'll attack your Master of Dragon Soldier! Go, my Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': Nice try! But my dragon's too strong! :'''Dartz''': Kyutora, absorb ''all'' the damage! ''[chuckles]'' My Life Points are safe. And now, my Gigas returns! :'''Tristan''': That creep! He's letting his Orichalcos Gigas get its butt kicked on purpose, so it can come back stronger! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' That can't be it. His monster would have to be destroyed seven more times before it could defeat my dragon. So there must be more to his plan. Perhaps the secret lies in his Kyutora, and its ability to absorb attack damage. Yes! That creature must have another special ability! :'''Kaiba''': All right, Dartz, my move! ''[thinking]'' As long as that eyesore is on the field, it's pointless to attack his Orichalcos Gigas because Dartz won't lose any Life Points. Plus, Gigas will just come back stronger. But if I attack Dartz directly, I should be able to win the duel! ''[speaking]'' I place one card facedown on the field! And next… I summon my Blade Knight! And since I have only one card left in my hand, Blade Knight gets another 400 attack points! I think that'll do for now. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He's setting himself up for something. :'''Kaiba''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi better not screw this up for me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! That attack was supposed to hit Dartz, not his monster! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's a force field! But how did he create it? :'''Dartz''': By using the second layer of the Seal, of course. Whenever my Life Points are targeted, my Orichalcos Deuteros steps in to defend me. It's simple. ''I'' make a sacrifice so that your monster takes the hit! You know what that means, right? Your dragon just attacked itself! ====Part 3==== :'''Dartz''': So tell me, Gentlemen, what do you think of my newest soldiers? I'm sure there's no need for any introductions. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's not funny, Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Maybe not to you. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough. :'''Kaiba''': Just drop the magic act and let's duel. :'''Dartz''': But we are dueling, you insensible twit. We're just doing it by my rules, that's all. Since I now control the souls of your former friends, I thought it would be fun to let them play along with us. :'''Téa''': Leave ''them'' alone, Dartz! :'''Tristan''': What did ''they'' do to you?! :'''Dartz''': You should be thanking me. :'''Yami Yugi''': And why's that? :'''Dartz''': I'm giving you one last chance to see your companions. Before their souls are gone ''forever''. :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll ''never'' take them away from us, Dartz! :'''Dartz''': That's right, Pharaoh. Let your anger consume you. Feel the darkness within you beginning to spread. The stronger your rage, the more powerful the Great Leviathan will be when it absorbs your soul. Now where we? Ah, yes. Mirror Knight Yugi. It's time to attack your other half. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Fight it! I know you can hear me! :''[Yugi struggles to fight against Dartz's command]'' :'''Dartz''': What's this? My soldier is still loyal to you? How touching. [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Self_Destruction|Even though you turned your back on him, ''he'' refuses to seek revenge]]. That will soon change. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Kaiba''': Just save it! That second-rate chump has held me back for the last time! Different Dimension Dragon Attack! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Don't do this! :'''Kaiba''': Too late! :''[Knight Yugi's shield disintegrates]'' :'''Kaiba''': No way! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': ''You'' don't look happy to see me, and after all we've been through. Where's the love? Don't answer that. I've heard enough lies from ''you''. The Pharaoh opened me up to the truth. :'''Dartz''': Really? :'''Rafael''': Yeah, really. Thanks to him, [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Grappling_with_a_Guardian|I was able to escape the seal of orichalcos with my soul still intact]] unlike them and everyone else you used. Now set them free before you end up on that wall. :'''Dartz''': Your soul may have been spared, but it sounds like the orichalcos took what was left of your brain. :'''Rafael''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Dartz''': It means you're more gullible than ever. Do you honestly think the darkness that once controlled you is gone? :'''Rafael''': Yes. The Pharaoh set me free. :'''Dartz''': Did he... Hmm. Or did he just trick you the way you think I did? :'''Rafael''': Stop it! You're messing with my head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Rafael, You mustn't listen to him. :'''Rafael''': Everything is your fault. ''You'' took ''me'' from my family. :'''Dartz''': I needed ''your'' anger, your thirst for ''revenge''. :'''Rafael''': ''[enraged]'' '''YOU RUINED ''MY'' LIFE, ''YOU'' MONSTER!''' ====Part 4==== :'''Dartz''': It's time to reinforce the sacred Seal with its most powerful layer thus far! Behold the ancient magic of my Orichalcos Tritos! ''[adds a third layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Welcome to level 3, gentlemen. :'''Yami Yugi''': How can the Seal possibly get any stronger?! :'''Dartz''': We're dealing with a force greater than the darkest shadows and older than time itself. Does that answer your question? :'''Mokuba''': Whoa! :'''Téa''': His Life Points are out of control! :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Malevolence, use your special ability to switch Kaiba's dragon into attack mode! So I'm afraid this is goodbye. With an attack strength of only 1400, your dragon is far too weak to defend your Life Points. :'''Kaiba''': So that means… :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose! :'''Dartz''': Now my beast, bring Kaiba's soul to me! :'''Kaiba''': Wrong! I activate my Shrink card! :'''Dartz''': ''[chuckles and the third layer of the Seal destroys Kaiba's magic card]'' Is it beginning to sink in yet? When used properly, the Seal of Orichalcos is unmatched by any other card in the game! And due to its third layer, your magic and trap cards are useless against me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Kyutora has ''another'' ability! Whenever it's destroyed, it '''''evolves!''''' :''[Orichalcos Kyutora is destroyed and Orichalcos Shunoros appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh, no! What's going on?! :'''Kaiba''': What is that?! :'''Dartz''': My little friend is all grown up, so playtime's over! Gentlemen, I'd like you meet Orichalcos Shunoros! :'''Kaiba''': Did you see what I see?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Unfortunately. :'''Téa''': See what? :'''Tristan''': That thing's got 20,000 points! :'''Dartz''': Don't look so surprised. ''You're'' the ones who created this unstoppable beast! You may have destroyed my previous monsters, but you unleashed something far worse! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can wipe us out in one strike! :'''Dartz''': You're absolutely right, but before I do that, I have some more bad news to share. Orichalcos Shunoros, activate your special ability! Release Orichalcos Dexia… and Orichalcos Aristeros! :'''Yami Yugi''': What's the meaning of this?! :'''Dartz''': Allow me to clear things up. Shunoros just released two more creatures. The first one is known as Dexia, and its attack strength is always 300 points higher than the monster it's battling, making it the perfect sword! And the second one is just as strong. It will intercept every one of your attacks and retaliate with a blast that's 300 points greater than the one you fired, making Orichalcos Aristeros the perfect shield! You'll never get past my triple threat! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' Not only is his monster more powerful than Kaiba's dragon… but with Dexia and Aristeros on the front line, our attacks won't even get through! :'''Dartz''': I activate the trap card, Martyr Curse! This forces one of your monsters to engage in a battle with one of my monsters. And as a nasty little side effect, it cancels out any special abilities your creature may have. And since I don't seem to have much of a choice, I'll target your Mirror Force Dragon! Without its reflecting power, your dragon's completely defenseless, which means you're about to be out one soul! Orichalcos Shunoros, remove Kaiba's Life Points so the Orichalcos can remove his spirit! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Kaiba's Wish of Final Effort trap card increases Yugi's Life Points and loses his soul when his Life Points dropped down to zero…]'' :'''Dartz''': Pharaoh, it looks like you're the soul survivor. :'''Yami Yugi''': You disgust me. :'''Dartz''': I'll tell you what. Since I already have what I need... You can keep the rest of him! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Don't worry, Pharaoh. Your friends are fine. I don't need weak souls. I just wanted to spend some quality time with you, one-on-one. Is that so wrong? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''That's enough!'' :'''Dartz''': But there's something I think you'll want to know. You and I met 5,000 years ago when you were king of Egypt. We may not have been officially introduced, but I was there watching you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Go on. :'''Dartz''': When the battle of Atlantis ended, I thought the Great Leviathan was gone forever. That is, until I met you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! What does that evil creature of yours have to do with ''me''?! :'''Dartz''': I thought you'd never ask. Behold the Palace of the Pharaoh in year 3000 B.C.! Ring any bells? Hmm? ====Part 5==== :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? I've had some weird dreams, but this one takes the cake. Wait, hold on. ''[flashback to Yami Yugi, Seto Kaiba and Dartz's duel]'' I remember being trapped in a duel, ''[flashback ends]'' but... how did I end up floating around in here? :'''Yugi Muto''': ''[offscreen]'' Joey? Is that you? :'''Joey''': Yugi! Long time no see! :'''Yugi''': I'm glad you're all right! :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': Please, bubble boy, you call this "all right"? :'''Yugi and Joey''': Pegasus! :'''Pegasus''': If we don't escape soon, we never will! :'''Joey''': Hmm? Where exactly are we, anyway, Huh? ''[spots at Valon, Mai Valentine, Weevil Underwood, Rex Raptor, Alister, Rafael, Seto Kaiba and all many people had soul captured inside the bubbles]'' Wait! Everyone in here had their soul captured! This must be where the orichalcos spits you out after you lose a duel! Aah! Calm down. Maybe it is just a dream. Uh... :'''Yugi''': It's no dream. And take a look, Joey. Things are about to get worse! :'''Joey''': What's that!? :'''Pegasus''': Don't you pay attention? That's the Great Leviathan, and it's using human souls for power. :'''Joey''': It's doing what!? But I don't wanna be turned into soul food! :'''Yugi''': We can still get out of this mess if the Pharaoh defeats Dartz! :'''Joey''': Huh? But how see gonna do that? ''[looks at Seto Kaiba]'' Rich boy's with us now. That means.... The Pharaoh's facing Dartz alone out there! :'''Yugi''': Wrong. Kaiba may have been knocked outta the fight... But the Pharaoh's not alone, Joey. :'''Joey''': I'm afraid I don't follow, Yuge. :'''Yugi''': He's still got all of us. Sure, we're not right there next to him, but we've never let that stop us before. :'''Joey''': Yeah, but I don't know if that's gonna work this time, 'Cause Dartz is playin' by a whole new set a rules. and nothing can take down that orichalcos card. :'''Pegasus''': There is one thing that can help. :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Pegasus''': It's the card I gave him. And if the Pharaoh draws it, He'll be able to unleash a force like no other. :'''Joey''': In this card can beat Dartz? :'''Pegasus''': Yes. You see, it was during a trip to Egypt that I was inspired to create the game of duel monsters after making an astonishing discovery. Ancient kings and sorcerers once performed dark rituals to conjure real monsters. These creatures were believed to have lived in a universe parallel to ours, and guarding the gateway to this dominion of the beasts were three legendary dragons known as Timaeus, Critias, and Hermos. But you already know about them, right? :'''Joey''': Right. :'''Pegasus''': What you don't know is that these dragons aren't what they appear to be. They were buried with a dark secret. So I created a card that unlocks this mystery. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. What's the secret? :'''Pegasus''': I spent many years scouring the globe trying to find an answer to that very question, Yugi boy. First I searched the microscopic world for the tiniest clues. then I scanned the vast reaches of the universe, and still nothing. Other than on stone tablet hidden deep beneath the sands of Egypt, there was no record of the existence of these dragons. Then it dawned on me. What if these dragons aren't dragons at all? What if they're humans! :'''Yugi''': Humans!? But how is that possible, Pegasus? and what does it have to do with that mystery card you gave to the Pharaoh? :'''Pegasus''': During the battle of Atlantis, Dartz transformed three brave knights into dragons in an effort to weaken them. Now the Pharaoh must restore them to their original form... Before we disappear forever! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked by the Pharaoh's Millennium Puzzle preventing the Orichalcos to take his soul]'' Impossible! No one can overcome the power of the Orichalcos! You should have lost the duel! What's going on?! Why didn't the Seal take your soul?! Tell me! :'''Yami Yugi''': You forced me to gaze inside my heart, thinking I would find only darkness. But you were wrong. :'''Dartz''': Then you gazed in the wrong place! :'''Yami Yugi''': Look, believe what you wish, but I know the truth. My heart is filled with the light of friendship, and no magic can take that away, no matter how strong it is. So, thank you. You reminded me that my friends are always with me. And we're going to win this fight and take you down together! Dartz… It all ends right now! ''[draws and gasps; thinking]'' It's the card Pegasus gave me! I can sense it! :'''Dartz''': Well? Get on with it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Do you know what's in my hand? The key to unlocking the secret of the legendary dragons! :'''Dartz''': ''[gasps]'' What?! :'''Yami Yugi''': You heard me. Legend of Heart! I give up 1,000 Life Points and remove my Obnoxious Celtic Guardian from the field! This lets me summon Critias, Hermos, and Timaeus in their true form! :'''Timaeus''': Finally! After 10 millennia in captivity, we've been set free! :'''Dartz''': No! Not them! :''[The three legendary knights appear in their true forms on Yugi's side of the field]'' :'''Timaeus''': I am he who is named Timaeus! :'''Critias''': And I am… Sir Critias! :'''Hermos''': I am known as… Sir Hermos! :'''Legendary Knights''': In the name of Atlantis… we have been reborn! :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked in disbelief]'' I thought I took care of you centuries ago! ''[The three knights slam their swords onto the ground and destroy the Seal of Orichalcos; horrified]'' What have you done?! My precious Seal is gone! :'''Hermos''': Your ring of darkness is useless in our presence! :'''Critias''': Did you forget our last encounter? :'''Timaeus''': I certainly did not. And I have a score to settle with you! :'''Yami Yugi''': The time has come to weaken your defense! ====Part 6==== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose, Dartz. Your 10,000 year quest is finally over. :'''Dartz''': It can't be. I've come too close. All I need is one more powerful soul and the Great Leviathan will arise from the depths of the earth. :'''Yami Yugi''': Too little, too late. Your serpent has been destroyed, and with that, our duel come to an end. Now release the souls of my friends and everyone else you've held captive. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa Gardner''': ''[Sees Yugi standing with his back to them]'' Is that Yugi? :'''Tristan''': Nah, it's the Pharaoh. :'''Téa''': No, Tristan, I think Yugi's back! :'''Mokuba''': He does kinda look shorter. :''[Yugi looks back behind of his friends]'' :'''Téa''': ''[in tears]'' It is you, Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Téa? :'''Téa''': I thought we'd never see you again! :'''Yugi''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Joey''': All right, Out of my way people. Where's my little buddy? Ha Ha! Yug! Man did I miss this spikey little head. :'''Yugi''': Hey, Joey! :'''Téa''': The gang is back! :'''Tristan''': Don't forget about me! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, the Legendary Knights have set you free. :'''Yugi''': Does that mean you beat Dartz? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Yugi. But as soon as our duel ended, he disappeared into some vortex, and I have a bad feeling the worst is yet to come, but at least we'll face it together. <hr width="50%"/> ===''Rise of the Great Beast'' [4.39-40]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Dark Magician Girl''': Monsters, unite. Without us all hope is lost. We must join forces with the humans! And together we shall defeat the Great Beast. Now go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''[to Dartz]'' That does it! Bring it on, you mutant! :'''Yami Yugi''': Not the best time to be insulting him, Joey. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': That Leviathan's a goner! It's 3 on 1 up there! :'''Kaiba''': I see you can count! Unfortunately, numbers aren't everything! :'''Yugi''': You can do this, Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': My Leviathan is fueled by the darkness of my prisoners! :'''The Pharaoh''': Wrong, Dartz! I was able to transform the darkness in their hearts to light! A light which now fuels MY beasts! :'''Dartz''': NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PHARAOH?!?! :'''Kaiba''': Hey, look! I guess the Gods did pull through! :'''Joey''': Told ya! That means everyone Dartz captured is free! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Look! It’s the portal that led us here! :'''Joey''': Alright! Home sweet home here we come! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Farewell, Pharaoh! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :'''Dartz''': Now, Great Leviathan! Crush the Pharaoh with ''his'' own darkness! :'''Yugi''': ''Let him go!'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''No! Get back!'' :'''Yugi''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This is my fight now, I must prove that ''my'' rage is gone! ''[Yugi gasps flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|Yami Yugi and Rafael's first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]]. flashback ends]'' When I played that card, I unlocked the evil in my heart, Ever since then, I’ve been fighting the anger within me, and now it’s destroying me. :'''Yugi''': But you stopped it… Didn’t you? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Listen. ''Facing you'' in that duel was a first step, But there’s a long way to go. ''[grunting]'' The darkness… It’s power knows no bounds. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Self Destruction|Yami and Yugi’s duel in the Stone Wasteland]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Be strong! Focus on the good inside you! Think of your friends! :'''Yami Yugi''': Of course. As long as I’m filled with the light of friendship, Dartz ''can’t'' win. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#A Duel with Dartz|their duel]] and flashback ends]'' Thanks to my friends, I have enough light to banish the darkness! So with the power of everyone in ''my'' heart, ''I'' shall seal ''you'' away! '''BE GONE!''' :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, vanquish the Pharaoh's spirit for all eternity! :'''Yugi''': Get out while you can! :'''Yami Yugi''': You must trust me! :'''Dartz''': '''NO! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!''' :''[?]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': The hurricane, It seens to be gone. :'''Captain''': Are you sure you're reading that thing right? :''[Back at Monument Valley, Duke Devlin, Rebecca and Professor Arthur Hawkins saw dark clouds are lifting out to the skylight.]'' :'''Arthur Hawkins''': The Darkness is Lifting. :'''Rebecca''': Yeah. :''[Back at Atlantis]'' :'''Yugi''': You did it. ''[Yami collapses he helps him]'' Hey, are you all right? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine, Yugi, The Great Leviathan is gone. :'''Yugi''': Yeah. Thanks, pal. It's over now. ''[spots at Dartz]'' But what about Dartz? :''[Dartz wakes up his dark side is gone then the light glow when Ironheart, Chris and Skye appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, Look it's Ironheart, and Chris. :''[Ironheart and Chris helps Dartz up]'' :'''Dartz''': Father, ''[looks at his daughter]'' Chris, It's you. :'''Chris''': Dad, you're back! :'''Ironheart''': My son, At long last. ''[Dartz looks at his father]'' And you have the great pharaoh to thank. ''[looks at Yami Yugi]'' He drove out the evil force that controlled you. :'''Dartz''': Oh. :'''Yami Yugi''': I knew it. Deep down you're a noble ruler, Dartz. :'''Chris''': And a great father! I've missed you so much, Dad. :'''Ironheart''': Your work here is now complete. You may go in place. Great things await you. So return now to your world by stepping through that portal. :'''Yugi''': But what about you? Are you guys gonna be OK? :'''Ironheart''': Yes, For the first time in centuries. :'''Yami Yugi''': Alright, Yugi let's go back home. :''[Pharaoh and Yugi walked toward the portal and looks at Chris, Dartz, Ironheart and Skye and they walked off enter the portal and disappears Chris looks at her father.]'' :'''Chris''': Hey, Dad. We should go too. After all this time, We have a lot of catching up to do. :''[Dartz smiled agreed with his daughter now the Atlantis is going down to the ocean and splashed towards Dartz's lair.]'' :'''Seto Kaiba''': Mokuba! Start the engines! :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Seto! :'''Seto''': We have to get out of here. :'''Téa Gardner''': Without Yugi? No way. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Eh? :'''Téa''': Don't you know where he is? :'''Joey''': Don't tell me. :'''Téa''': You mean he's still in there!? :'''Mokuba''': Time's running out! :'''Seto''': Mokuba's right. We can't wait. :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you nuts man! :'''Joey''': Get your hands off of me Tristan! I’m not leaving here without Yugi! :'''Tristan''': Joey, we have to trust that he found the way out on his own! :'''Joey''': YUGI! :''[the gang hops in the KaibaCorp helicopter and takes off as Dartz's lair is washed down. Inside the helicopter Téa, Rafael, Tristan, Joey, Kaiba and Mokuba looks down.]'' :'''Seto''': Good riddance. :'''Mokuba''': I just hope Yugi wasn't in there. :'''Téa''': Me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Hospital Rex and Weevil wakes up was that a dream.]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Where am i? Mommy? :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey! Who's said that!? :'''Weevil/Rex''': Huh! Oh! :'''Rex''': What are you doing in my bedroom, Weevil!? :'''Weevil''': Your bedroom!? You're in a hospital, You dimwit! :'''Rex''': What happened!? :'''Weevil''': I know who fault this is. :'''Rex''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Joey's]].'' :'''Weevil''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Yugi's]].'' :'''Weevil/Rex''': ''[enraged]'' '''YOU'RE PAY FOR THIS! ''YOU'' HEAR ME!?''' :'''Weevil''': Now let’s blow this taco stand! :'''Rex''': Huh? I thought this was an hospital! :'''Weevil''': Oh never mind! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': Mikey, I know you're out there somewhere, And I'm not gonna stop looking until I find you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': ''[wakes up]'' I’m home. ''[thinking]'' Was that all a dream? ''[flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey and Valon's last duel]]. Flashback ends he gets up the bed and the card fell off he spotted the Harpie Lady card and holds it walked outside the beach house and smiling looked at the sky]'' I'll never forget you. Thanks Mai. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai driving on her motorcycle at the beach]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[thinking]'' I'm glad that mess is over. Now to pick up the pieces. ''[In Mai's flashbacks, it shows the beginning of how she entered the Doma organization, when she met [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#An_Unexpected_Enemy|Yugi's friends and running towards Joey]] [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fighting_for_a_Friend|before he became unconscious]]. Flashbacks ends]'' Sorry Joey. But I can't face you yet. So I'm gonna hit the road until I'm ready to own up to everything for what have I've done. But I'll be back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': ''[voice-over]'' Yugi, Wake up. :'''Yugi''': ''[wakes up and surprised on the beach and sees the sunset on the ocean.]'' Any idea where we are? :'''Yami Yugi''': It seems we've washed up on shore. But I wonder how. Someone must have guided us here. Hmm. :'''Yugi''': Hey, look! ''[sees Dark Magician Girl along with Timaeus, Hermos and Critias appears]'' It's Dark Magician Girl! :'''Yami Yugi''': And she's brought with her the three legendary knights. :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We four are forever in your debt. Not only have you rescued your own world, But you've saved the creatures of our world as well. Thanks to your fearlessness. The dominion of the beasts can once again flourish just as it did so many years ago. And by breaking the evil spell that imprisoned the legendary knights. They can continue to protect our land. :'''Yugi''': I'm just glad we could help. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you both. You fought bravely. Farewell. :'''Critias''': You two will never be forgotten. :'''Hermos''': For as long as we reign. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, We couldn't have done it without you. In the face of ultimate darkness, Your couragfousness sparked a light so incredibly strong it will burn for all eternity. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you, Pharaoh. We shall meet again. :''[The legendary knights flying off together.]'' :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The time may come that we need each other again. If so, You know where I'll be. Right there in your deck. :''[she flying off with the legendary knights together then inside the KaibaCorp helicopter]'' :'''Téa''': Look, those weird lights are back. :'''Joey''': Well, that explains why? It's Dark Magician Girl and the three legendary knights. :'''Téa''': I guess they’re going home. Now that their world is safe again. :'''Yugi''': ''[sees "The Eye of Timaeus" card disappears]'' Well, Pharaoh there goes our Timaeus. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes Yugi, There goes Timaeus. :'''Joey''': ''[sees "The Claw of Hermos" card disappears]'' Well, there goes Hermos. :'''Kaiba''': ''[sees "The Fang of Critias" card disappears]'' Oh well... No big deal. My deck's still unstoppable. :'''Téa''': I hope Yugi's all right. ''[spots Yugi on the island]'' Look! :'''Mokuba''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Eh? :'''Tristan''': Huh? Hey! It's Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Over there! They made it out! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're right. :''[KaibaCorp helicopter lands on the beach and the door open]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': I knew we find you. :'''Tristan''': Hey man! :'''Joey''': ''[giggling]'' I'll never let this spikey head of yours is outta my sight. :'''Tea''': Is it really all over? :'''Yugi''': Yep, we're safe now. :'''Mokuba''': ''[next to Seto Kaiba behind Rafael]'' Hey, Yugi! :'''Joey''': Let's hit the high road folks, I'm sure there's someone else trying to taking over the world back home. :'''Tristan''': You know the scary thing is he's probably right. :''[The gang hops the KaibaCorp helicopter when Yugi sees the Pharaoh watches the sunsets down the ocean.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[offscreen]'' Yugi, is something wrong? :'''Yugi''': I'll be right there, Tea. ''[The Pharaoh and Yugi looked at each other as the sun going down the ocean.]'' ''[voice over]'' ''We may have stopped Dartz, but the Pharaoh's not done yet. Now he has to pick up where he left off before all this craziness started 'cause the biggest adventure of all is still ahead. And it won't be over till the pharaoh unlocks the secrets of his past. He needs to learn who he really is and why he was sent back here. Maybe then his spirit'll finally be able to rest. Well, no matter what happens, one thing's for sure... whatever he finds out there... and whatever he needs to face... he won't have to do it alone.'' ==External links== {{wikipedia|Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (season 4)}} {{Yu-Gi-Oh!}} [[Category:Yu-Gi-Oh! seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] nyuvvxw3lc04dpwp7ncs5z6x5qutp0d 0 267367 3949326 3823822 2026-06-05T21:48:22Z GrimRob 1187925 partial cleanup 3949326 wikitext text/x-wiki '''Dr. Jennifer Batamuliza,''' is the head of Data Driven Incubation Hub & short professional courses at African center of excellence Data science at University of Rwanda. Former Head of Software Engineering Department and IT lecturer in Information Technology Faculty at Adventist university of Central Africa (AUCA). {{Educator-stub}} == Quotes == * Change is not easy, and some resisted. However, after it became a rule, every lecturer adjusted and universities have changed to use a model platform. Covid-19 became like an accelerator,” ** [https://www.ktpress.rw/2023/08/life-in-future-edtech-monday-on-the-technology-that-will-transform-way-of-living/ LIFE IN FUTURE: EDTECH MONDAY ON THE TECHNOLOGY THAT WILL TRANSFORM WAY OF LIVING] ''KT Press'' (August 30, 2023) * Parents need awareness to know the benefits of technology and support their children. Technology is based on two things; skills and equipment. But it was good to see parents working hard to support their children through the technology learning journey. It was not easy, but during Covid-19 people learnt a lot,” ** [https://www.ktpress.rw/2023/08/life-in-future-edtech-monday-on-the-technology-that-will-transform-way-of-living/ LIFE IN FUTURE: EDTECH MONDAY ON THE TECHNOLOGY THAT WILL TRANSFORM WAY OF LIVING] ''KT Press'' (August 30, 2023) *Girls should be passionate about what they study as passion drives them to thrive in the field. I assure them that hard work pays and nothing comes without trying. It is important to be confident, have a persistent spirit, and collaborate with others. **[https://wordsthatcount.org/female-expert-in-data-science-dr-jennifer-batamuliza/ Female Expert in Data Science – Dr. Jennifer Batamuliza] == External links == * [https://aceds.ur.ac.rw/dr-batamuliza-jennifer Dr. Batamuliza Jennifer] * [https://wordsthatcount.org/female-expert-in-data-science-dr-jennifer-batamuliza/ Female Expert in Data Science – Dr. Jennifer Batamuliza] {{DEFAULTSORT:Batamuliza, Jennifer}} [[Category:Women stubs]] [[Category:Women from Rwanda]] [[Category:Technology companies]] [[Category:Technology]] [[Category:Educators]] el1ceq8qtt6uoaz22q0au5o4h47g90y 0 274324 3949299 3928037 2026-06-05T18:49:01Z GrimRob 1187925 /* Quotes */ 2026 3949299 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Angela Rayner Official Cabinet Portrait, July 2024 (cropped) 2.jpg|thumb]] '''[[w:Angela Rayner|Angela Rayner]]''' (née Bowen; born 28 March 1980) is a British politician who has served as [[w:Secretary of State for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities|Secretary of State for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities]] and [[w:Deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom|Deputy Prime Minister]] since July 2024. Rayner has served as [[w:Deputy Leader of the Labour Party (UK)|Deputy Leader of the Labour Party]] since [[w:2020 Labour Party deputy leadership election|2020]], and was formerly [[w:Shadow Deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom|Shadow Deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom]] and [[w:Shadow Secretary of State for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities|Shadow Secretary of State for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities]] from [[w:2023 British shadow cabinet reshuffle|2023]]. Rayner was first elected as the [[w:Member of Parliament (United Kingdom)|Member of Parliament]] (MP) for [[w:Ashton-under-Lyne (UK Parliament constituency)|Ashton-under-Lyne]] in [[w:2015 United Kingdom general election|2015]], ideologically identifying as a [[w:Socialism|socialist]] and as part of Labour's [[w:Soft left|soft left]]. ==Quotes== * I still like to be underestimated because it gives me an edge. It gives me a bit of stealth. ** While a Unison representative at Stockport council, as cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/money/2012/feb/17/working-life-union-official-unison "A working life: the union official"], ''The Guardian'' (17 February 2012) * On things like law and order I am quite hardline. I am like, shoot your [[Terrorism|terrorists]] and ask questions second. * I want you to beat down the door of the criminals and sort them out and antagonise them. That’s what I say to my local police … three o’clock in the morning and antagonise them. ** Speaking on Matt Forde's Political Party podcast, as cited by Jessica Elgot in [https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2022/feb/17/angela-rayner-police-should-shoot-terrorists-and-ask-questions-second "Angela Rayner: police should 'shoot terrorists and ask questions second'"], ''The Guardian'' (17 February 2022) ** Former Shadow Home Secretary [[Diane Abbott]] tweeted in response: "Is Angela suggesting a mandatory death sentence for suspected (but not convicted) 'terrorists'?" === 2026 === * An impression has been left that the government "represented the establishment, not working people. At worst, we became it...the very survival of the Labour Party is at stake – as a party and a movement we cannot hide, we cannot go through the motions in the face of decline. We are running out of time. ** Quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cpd8d10n9x5o "Angela Rayner's explosive speech reignites leadership speculation"], ''BBC News'' (18 March 2026) ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Rayner, Angela}} [[Category:1980 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Labour Party (UK) politicians]] [[Category:Members of the Parliament of the United Kingdom]] [[Category:Members of the Cabinet of the United Kingdom]] [[Category:Women politicians in England]] [[Category:Socialists from England]] [[Category:Women born in the 1980s]] [[Category:Deputy Prime Ministers of the United Kingdom]] 3bxr13tipqbm2i7uiac01rzeqrimvt4 3949300 3949299 2026-06-05T18:49:42Z GrimRob 1187925 added thumbnail 3949300 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Angela Rayner Official Cabinet Portrait, July 2024 (cropped) 2.jpg|thumb|I still like to be underestimated because it gives me an edge]] [[File:Angela Rayner Deputy PM.jpg|thumb|the very survival of the Labour Party is at stake – as a party and a movement we cannot hide, we cannot go through the motions in the face of decline.]] '''[[w:Angela Rayner|Angela Rayner]]''' (née Bowen; born 28 March 1980) is a British politician who has served as [[w:Secretary of State for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities|Secretary of State for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities]] and [[w:Deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom|Deputy Prime Minister]] since July 2024. Rayner has served as [[w:Deputy Leader of the Labour Party (UK)|Deputy Leader of the Labour Party]] since [[w:2020 Labour Party deputy leadership election|2020]], and was formerly [[w:Shadow Deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom|Shadow Deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom]] and [[w:Shadow Secretary of State for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities|Shadow Secretary of State for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities]] from [[w:2023 British shadow cabinet reshuffle|2023]]. Rayner was first elected as the [[w:Member of Parliament (United Kingdom)|Member of Parliament]] (MP) for [[w:Ashton-under-Lyne (UK Parliament constituency)|Ashton-under-Lyne]] in [[w:2015 United Kingdom general election|2015]], ideologically identifying as a [[w:Socialism|socialist]] and as part of Labour's [[w:Soft left|soft left]]. ==Quotes== * I still like to be underestimated because it gives me an edge. It gives me a bit of stealth. ** While a Unison representative at Stockport council, as cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/money/2012/feb/17/working-life-union-official-unison "A working life: the union official"], ''The Guardian'' (17 February 2012) * On things like law and order I am quite hardline. I am like, shoot your [[Terrorism|terrorists]] and ask questions second. * I want you to beat down the door of the criminals and sort them out and antagonise them. That’s what I say to my local police … three o’clock in the morning and antagonise them. ** Speaking on Matt Forde's Political Party podcast, as cited by Jessica Elgot in [https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2022/feb/17/angela-rayner-police-should-shoot-terrorists-and-ask-questions-second "Angela Rayner: police should 'shoot terrorists and ask questions second'"], ''The Guardian'' (17 February 2022) ** Former Shadow Home Secretary [[Diane Abbott]] tweeted in response: "Is Angela suggesting a mandatory death sentence for suspected (but not convicted) 'terrorists'?" === 2026 === * An impression has been left that the government "represented the establishment, not working people. At worst, we became it...the very survival of the Labour Party is at stake – as a party and a movement we cannot hide, we cannot go through the motions in the face of decline. We are running out of time. ** Quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cpd8d10n9x5o "Angela Rayner's explosive speech reignites leadership speculation"], ''BBC News'' (18 March 2026) ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Rayner, Angela}} [[Category:1980 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Labour Party (UK) politicians]] [[Category:Members of the Parliament of the United Kingdom]] [[Category:Members of the Cabinet of the United Kingdom]] [[Category:Women politicians in England]] [[Category:Socialists from England]] [[Category:Women born in the 1980s]] [[Category:Deputy Prime Ministers of the United Kingdom]] afqhicxlg689h01a2i4kan44pjwc1ig 0 274981 3949391 3947552 2026-06-06T02:24:46Z ~2026-21258-26 3308661 3949391 wikitext text/x-wiki ==Dialogue== :'''Joy''': ''[as Riley goes to the penalty box, two minutes for tripping; voice-over]'' Okay, looks like we have a couple of minutes while Riley takes a breather. Let me catch you up. Riley is still exceptional. And not just because she's the top of her class, which by the way, she is. She's also really kind, and she's nice to stray cats, I mean, come on! Oh, and she's officially a teenager now. She got very tall, very fast. :'''Anger''': ''[off-screen]'' Did we grow overnight?! :'''Sadness''': ''[off-screen]'' Oh. That was our favorite shirt. :'''Joy''': ''[voice-over]'' We even got braces with extra rubber bands! :'''Dentist''': How does it feel? :'''Riley''': Great! ''[one of the extra rubber bands snaps off from her braces and hits the dentist's face]'' Sorry. :'''Joy''': Riley's personality islands are still going strong. :'''Disgust''': Glad to see Boy Band Island finally broke up. :'''Fear''': But Goofball is still monkeying around! ''[laughs]'' :'''Sadness''': Wait, where's Family Island? :'''Joy''': It's right there. ''[gives Sadness binoculars]'' :'''Sadness''': ''[sees Family Island through the binoculars, revealing to be smaller than the other islands]'' Oh, there it is. But what's that blocking it? :'''Joy''': Oh, that's Friendship Island. Isn't it amazing? ''[voice-over]'' But we realized her islands aren't the only things made by memories. Way down, at the root level, these memories were also creating beliefs. <hr width=50%> :'''Coach Roberts''': ''[to Riley, Grace, and Bree]'' Hey, girls. Congratulations on your win! :'''Joy''': ''[gasps]'' That's the high school coach! ''[she and Disgust exclaim excitedly]'' :'''Coach Roberts''': What a game! That last play? Whoo! The three of you were impressive! :'''Riley''': Thanks, Coach Roberts. :'''Coach Roberts''': Look, its last minute, but every year, I do a three-day skills camp. I invite all the best players in the area. I love for you girls to come. :'''Fear''': Are we in a dream right now? Please, can somebody pinch me? ''[Anger punches him in the arm]'' Definitely awake. :'''Joy''': If we impress Coach, she'll put the three of us on the team next year. :'''Anger''': Ooh, the Fire Hawks. Finally, a team I can get behind! :'''Coach Roberts''': What do you say? :'''Riley''': YES! Thank you, Coach! Thank you, thank you! :'''Bree and Grace''': ''[in unison]'' YES! :'''Coach Roberts''': Great! We'll see you tomorrow. ''[Riley and her friends squeal in excitement; Later that evening, at Riley's house…]'' :'''Jill''': What a big day! :'''Bill''': Ha! You are such an all-star! Oh, you're going to knock the coach's skates off! Hockey scholarship, here we come! :'''Riley''': ''[happily]'' Dad, stop! It's just hockey camp. I mean who knows what'll happen. ''[inside her mind, the memory of her getting a two-minute penalty for tripping shows up; worried]'' My penalty almost lost us the game today. What if I get to camp and screw it up? :'''Bill''': Hey, don't talk like that. :'''Jill''': Yeah. You did great today, honey. :'''Joy''': Exactly! Mom gets it. ''[removes the memory]'' :'''Riley''': Yeah, I guess. :'''Jill''': We are so proud of you. <hr width=50%> :'''Sadness''': Joy, are you taking that where I think you're taking that? :'''Joy''': Wanna come this time? :'''Sadness''': Yes. I-I mean, no. Oh, no. I-I-I really shouldn't. :'''Joy''': You know, you’re the only one who hasn't been to the Belief System. :'''Sadness''': Yeah, it’s just that it's new, and I know how important it is, and I don't wanna mess it up, break it, burn it to the ground or anything. :'''Joy''': Sadness, you won't hurt it, I promise. Have I ever steered you wrong before? :'''Sadness''': Yeah. Many times. <hr width=50%> :'''Jill''': ''[enters Riley's room as Riley wakes up]'' Riley, you aren't packed yet? :'''Riley''': ''[as Anger presses a button on the console, making her really frustrated; groans]'' You're always on me! Can't you just lay off for like one second?! :'''Disgust''': Uh, overreact much? :'''Anger''': I barely touched it. Those morons broke the console!!! :'''Jill''': Riley, what's wrong? :'''Sadness''': Oh. Mom looks sad. ''[presses a button on the console, making Riley feel more emotional]'' :'''Riley''': ''[weeps]'' I'm the WORST! ''[cries]'' :'''Jill''': Oh, no. Honey... :'''Sadness''': I barely touched it. :'''Anger''': That's what I said. ''[Riley then sniffs her armpits]'' :'''Disgust''': Let the professional handle this. ''[cracks her knuckles and presses a button on the console, making Riley overreact]'' :'''Riley''': ''[?]'' I'm too gross to go to camp, '''OR ANYONE EVER [[The Nightmare Before Christmas|*AGAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!*]]''' :'''Disgust''': Oh, yeah, this is totally broken. ''[Zoom into Jill's mind and her emotions.]'' :'''Jill's Anger''': Well, we all knew this day would come. :'''Jill's Sadness''': Remember, we agreed not to make a big deal about this. :'''Jill's Disgust''': But she really does stink. :'''Jill's Anger''': Oh, it's bad. :'''Jill's Sadness''': Remain calm. Stick to the prepared script. ''[presses a button on the console, making Jill try to console Riley]'' :'''Jill''': ''[sits down on Riley's bed]'' You are not gross, honey. You're just changing. Remember that beautiful butterfly we saw in the park last week? ''[inside Riley's mind, the emotions are using an extended arm to reach the console]'' Well, that butterfly began as a caterpillar. And just like that caterpillar, you're about to get your wings. But if you have questions... :'''Joy''': Easy... ''[The hand touches a button on the console, making Riley overreact more.]'' :'''Riley''': ''[irritated]'' [[Shrek|Oh, my gosh, Mom! Just go away!?]] [gets up from her bed and leaves]'' UGH! :'''Jill's Anger''': Well, that's a preview of the next ten years. <hr width=50%> :'''Disgust''': ''[notices Bree with a worried smile on her face]'' Wait, what was that? :'''Joy''': What was what? :'''Disgust''': We got a look. I don't like this. :'''Joy''': What? You're paranoid. :'''Disgust''': I never miss a look. ''[brings up a panel and begins typing; a system begins examining Bree and the screen zooms in on her pushed eyebrows]'' Enhance 224, 176. Track right, zoom in, right... there! :'''Anger''': So? :'''Disgust''': She's hiding something. But what? :''[Riley is suspicious; zoom into Bree's mind and emotions.]'' :'''Bree's Sadness''': What is she doing? :'''Bree's Anger''': She's looking at our look! :'''Bree's Disgust''': No, it's much more than that. ''[brings up the same panel and types, comparing Riley's suspicious expression with the same system]'' :'''Bree's Joy''': She looks the same to me. :'''Bree's Disgust''': Overlay and compare. See? Riley then, Riley now. Riley then, Riley now. :'''Bree's Anger''': It's so obvious. :'''Bree's Sadness''': But what does it mean? :'''Bree's Disgust''': ''[realizes]'' She knows we're hiding something. :''[Zoom into Grace's mind and emotions.]'' :'''Grace's Disgust''': What is happening right now?! :'''Grace's Fear''': I don't know! I DON'T KNOW! :'''Grace's Anger''': I can't take it anymore! :''[Grace's Fear accidentally activates the console, making Grace reveal the bad news.]'' :'''Grace's Disgust''': You spilled the tea! :'''Grace''': ''[blurting out]'' Coach Roberts isn't gonna be our coach next year! ''[shockingly covers her mouth and whimpers]'' :'''Bree''': ''[nudges Grace]'' Grace! We… ''[sighs]'' We got assigned to a different high school. :'''Disgust''': Ah-ha! (What?) Oh… Oh, no. :'''Riley''': ''[hesitantly]'' Oh… Okay. Um… Yeah. No big deal. :'''Fear''': This is a HUGE deal! :'''Anger''': Our life is over! :'''Disgust''': Is she serious right now? How long have they known us? :'''Anger''': We can't go to high school without Bree and Grace? :'''Sadness''': We won't know anybody. :'''Bree''': We'll still get to hang out. :'''Grace''': And we'll have this weekend, which means we'll get one last time playing on the same team. :'''Bree''': Friends are forever, right? :'''Riley''': Yeah. Of course. <hr width=50%> :''[Just as Riley arrives at hockey camp, she comes face-to-face with Valentino Ortiz.]'' :'''Val''': You're the one Coach told us about. Riley, from... Michigan, right? :'''Anger''': It's Minnesota, sweetie! :'''Disgust''': No, no, no, no! We cannot correct Val Ortiz. ''[The console suddenly turns orange, with Riley speaking in an anxious manner.]'' :'''Riley''': Yep, that's me. Riley from good ol' Michigan. ''[chuckles nervously]'' :'''Joy''': ''[confused]'' Orange? Who made the console orange? :'''Anger''': Do I look orange? :'''Fear''': I didn't touch it. :'''Disgust''': Orange is not my color. :'''Sadness''': Not me. :''[As they back away, they see what appears to be a new orange emotion with upturn frizzy hair, and wearing a striped-orange and white sweater and brown pants.]'' :'''Anxiety''': Hello, everybody! ''[the emotions scream in surprise as Joy protects them]'' Oh, my gosh. I am just such a huge fan of yours! And now, here I am, meeting you, face to face. ''[squeals]'' Okay. How can I help? :'''Joy''': Uh... :'''Anxiety''': I can either take notes, get coffee, manage your calendar, walk your dog, carry your things, watch you sleep. :'''Joy''': Wow, you have a lot of energy. Maybe you could just stay in once place. :'''Anxiety''': Anything. Just call my name and I'm here for you. :'''Joy''': Okay, love that and what was your name again? :'''Anxiety''': Oh! I'm sorry. I got ahead of myself. Uh, I'm Anxiety. Uh, I'm one of Riley's new emotions and we are just super jazzed to be here. ''[carries three suitcases on each arm]'' Where can I put my stuff? :'''Disgust''': Ah-ah-ah. What do you mean "we"? :''[A little cyan emotion with sparkly eyes then appears as she climbs up on the console.]'' :'''Envy''': ''[sighs]'' I wish I was as tall as all of you... :'''Anger''': Who the heck are you? :'''Envy''': I'm Envy. ''[gazes at Disgust's hair]'' Oh, look at your hair. :'''Disgust''': Oh, yeah. Not happening. :'''Envy''': ''[looks at Val; gasps]'' Look at her hair! We need hair like ''that''. ''[presses a button on the console]'' :'''Riley''': Oh, my gosh. I love the red in your hair. ''[slowly reaches out her hand to touch Val's red streak]'' :'''Val''': ''[nervously]'' Oh. Uh... :'''Disgust''': ''[gasps]'' What are you doing!? ''[panicky grabs Envy and pulls her away from the console]'' :'''Riley''': Hey, maybe when I make the team, I can join Team Redhead, too! Yeah, yeah! :''[A big pink emotion, wearing a gray hoodie, presses his hand on the console, making her blush in shock as he whimpers.]'' :'''Anger''': Okay, who's this guy? :'''Sadness''': What's your name, big fella? :'''Anxiety''': That's Embarrassment. He's not really big on eye contact or like good talking, but he's a really sweet guy. :'''Joy''': Well, welcome to Headquarters, Embarrassment. Oh. We're doing a fist? No? Going high. ''[high-fives him]'' You got a real sweaty palm there, buddy. ''[Embarrassment whimpers and kneels on the floor]'' :'''Val''': Hey. You want to come with me, actually? We can meet some of the other Fire Hawks. :'''Anxiety''': Oh, this is exciting. But we can't let her know we're excited. ''[The console then turns indigo]'' :'''Riley''': ''[nonchalantly]'' Yep. Sounds good. :'''Anger''': What emotion was that? :'''Anxiety''': That's Ennui. :'''Joy''': En-what? :''[Pan over to Ennui, an indigo emotion wearing a tracksuit and socks, lounging on the couch while addicting to her phone]'' :'''Ennui''': ''[groans]'' Ennui. It's what you would call "the boredom". :'''Joy''': Well, come on up here, En-wur. Am I saying it right? En-wah. No. Oh! Nicknames! I'm gonna call you Oui-Oui. :'''Ennui''': ''[uncaringly]'' Non. :'''Fear''': How are you driving? :'''Ennui''': Console app. ''[shows the app on her phone, demonstrating how it works]'' :'''Anger''': Hey! Stop it! That's enough. :'''Joy''': Now, now, I know new emotions can sometimes feel unhelpful at first, and you just want to... ''[squeezes Sadness]'' say to them, "Why are you so annoying?". But I've learned that every emotion is good for Riley. ''[tussles Sadness' hair]'' Even this turkey. :'''Anger''': ''[reluctantly]'' Okay, fine. :''[Ennui uses her console app, making Riley act wearily.]'' :'''Riley''': Cool. Lead the way. :'''Val''': All right, grab your stuff and follow me. <hr width=50%> :'''Coach Roberts''': Ladies! Settle in means settle down. I need your focus. Which means now I'm going to need your cellphones. ''All'' of them. ''[the girls all complain over this; tuts]'' You're here to work, not goof around. ''[glares sternly at Riley]'' Got that, Andersen? :''[Embarrassment presses a button on the console, making Riley blush in foolishness.]'' :'''Riley''': ''[moronically]'' Yes, Coach... :'''Coach Roberts''': Please put all your phones in the basket. You'll get them back at the end of camp. ''[walks around, holding the basket as all the girls drop their cellphones in it, and so does Riley]'' :'''Grace''': ''[whispering]'' Wow. Coach is ''so'' serious. <hr width=50%> :''[Anxiety and the other new emotions sent the original emotions to the Vault inside a jar.]'' :'''Fear''': WE ARE SUPPRESSED EMOTIONS! RUN!!! :''[The emotions (except Joy) starts losing it.]'' :'''Joy''': Stay calm! Riley's going to be fine. ''Totally'' fine. No need to run. :'''Bloofy''': Hey, there. You know what we call that? "Denial". Can you say "denial"? ''[Fear's flashlight points to a 2D preschool show character; the emotions scream]'' Hi, friends! ''[talking to "the audience"; breaking the fourth wall]'' Welcome! It's so good to have you here with us today! :'''Joy''': ''[laughs]'' It's Bloofy! :'''Disgust''': From that preschool show Riley used to like? :'''Bloofy''': That's right, and here's a little secret. ''[presses his nose against the jar, making Fear nervous]'' <small>Riley still likes the show.</small> ''[walks away from the jar and turns to the audience to sing his song with Joy dancing along in the background; singing]'' ''♪ Stomp like an elephant, scurry like a mouse, make your way down to Bloofy's House! ♪'' :'''Anger''': Please kill me... :'''Joy''': Bloofy, we're in a real pickle! Could you help us get out of here? :'''Bloofy''': ''[to the audience]'' Uh, oh! We're gonna need your help! Can you find a way out? :'''Anger''': ''[annoyed]'' WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? :'''Bloofy''': ''[to the emotions]'' My friends! ''[to his shadow and the wall, where the audience would be]'' Do you see a key? ''[silence]'' Hmmm... I don't either. :'''Fear''': Okay, we're doomed. :'''Lance Slashblade''': Indeed. Welcome to your eternal fate. :'''Disgust''': ''[gasps]'' Lance Slashblade? :'''Sadness''': But he's a video game character. Why is he here? :'''Disgust''': Yeah, I always thought Riley had a secret crush on him. :'''Joy''': ''[uninterestedly]'' I never saw the appeal. :'''Lance Slashblade''': I long to be a hero, but darkness haunts my past. <hr width=50%> :'''Disgust''': You listen to me, Lance Slashblade. No one is totally worthless. :'''Lance Slashblade''': But I am a warrior cursed with a feeble attack. :'''Disgust''': Then you must make your curse your gift! <hr width=50%> :'''Ennui''': ''[exhausted]'' Why are we up so early? :'''Anxiety''': Because ''mon-ami'', we need to speed things up. And that means we hit the ice early and practice like we've never practiced before. :'''Ennui''': Aren't we already good at hockey? :'''Envy''': We're ''good'', but the Fire Hawks are great. :'''Anxiety''': That's right. ''[Riley misses a puck, making her skate around the rink]'' Every time we miss, we skate a lap around the rink. Hockey is not a game; it is a sport. :'''Envy''': That was amazing. :'''Anxiety''': We need to be that good every time. Let's run it again. :'''Val''': Hey, I see I'm not the only one who likes to start early. :'''Anxiety''': You guys, it's Val! We had the same idea! :'''Envy''': We're basically the same person. We're gonna be best friends! :'''Val''': How long have you been here? :'''Riley''': I-I don't know. Maybe an hour? I just wanted to get in some extra ice time. :'''Val''': I'm the same way. :'''Anxiety''': Oh, my gosh. She gets us. :'''Val''': See? I told the other girls you'd figure it out. You get what it takes to be the best. :'''Envy''': Look at us. This is going great. :'''Anxiety''': Yeah, but we need Val to really like us. :'''Envy''': Oh! We should ask Val lots of questions. People love talking about themselves. :'''Riley''': So, what was your freshman year on the Fire Hawks like? :'''Val''': I mean… It was a lot of work. Like a lot. But it's also how I met my best friends. :'''Anxiety''': Val is sharing things with ''[squeals]'' US! :'''Val''': Hey, a few of us are just gonna hang out tonight, order some food. You should come! :'''Envy''': An exclusive invitation. Mwah-ha-ha! We're going! :'''Riley''': Really? :'''Val''': Definitely! It'll be fun. :'''Coach Roberts''': Alright, ladies, let's warm up. :'''Grace''': Hey, Riley. :'''Riley''': Hi. :'''Envy''': Huh! We are not sharing Val with them. :'''Val''': Early mornings make me so hungry. :'''Riley''': I know, right? I'd give anything for a piece of pizza right now. <hr width=50%> :'''Riley''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, yeah. Get Up and Glow is so awesome. :'''Bree''': Riley, what are you talking about? You ''love'' Get Up and Glow. :'''Riley''': Oh! Uh... Hey, guys. :'''Envy''': ''[growls frustratedly]'' Oh, why are our best friends always trying to hang out with us!? :'''Grace''': Come on, Riley, we just went to their concert. :'''Riley''': Well, yeah. I mean, sure. But like… :'''Bree''': But what? :'''Grace''': We had a great time! :'''Anxiety''': Grace, you are not helping. :''[Ennui presses the console again.]'' :'''Riley''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, yeah. We had a great time. :''[The Sar-Chasm keeps growing.]'' :'''Joy''': Why can't they just leave her alone? :'''Anger''': What are we gonna do now, Joy?! :'''Joy''': We're going to take the long way, which is the best way. Stretch those hammies, Anger! Let's go! <hr width=50%> :''[Joy is trying to get a vehicle to work, whilst Fear, Anger, and Disgust talk amongst themselves about Riley's current state and Joy's plan.]'' :'''Joy''': Okay, well, this isn’t working. But it's fine. Everything’s fine. :'''Disgust''': This is hopeless. I say we cut our losses and walk back. :'''Fear''': This whole trip is just a series of deader and deader ends! :'''Anger''': Ever since that puberty alarm went off, nothing around here works the way it's supposed to! :'''Disgust''': I don't even recognize this place anymore. It's light out at 1:00 in the morning! :'''Fear''': I have never been inside so many jars in my life. :'''Disgust''': And the Riley we knew is gone! :'''Anger''': And if Joy can't see that, well, then she's delusional! :'''Joy''': ''[turns around and stares at them]'' Delusional? ''[snaps]'' OF COURSE I'M DELUSIONAL! Do you know how hard it is to stay positive all the time? When all you folks do is complain, complain, complain! Jiminy mother-loving toaster strudel! ''[smacks the controls of the vehicle, whilst Fear cowers and Anger smiles]'' Do you think I have all the answers? Of course I don't! ''[sighs heavily]'' We can't even find the back of her own mind. ''[cowers in front of the control panel]'' Anxiety is right! Riley doesn't need us as much as she needs them. ''[starting to break down into tears]'' And that hurts... it really hurts. :''[The other emotions look at each other in guilt, and Anger walks up to Joy]'' :'''Anger''': Joy, you've made a lot of mistakes. A-A lot. And you'll make a whole lot more in the future. But if you let that stop you, we might as well lie down and give up now. :'''Fear''': Well, actually, that does sound kind of nice. ''[Disgust slaps him]'' Ow! :'''Anger''': ''[offers Joy his hand]'' Come on. :''[Joy is helped up to her feet by Anger, and the emotions continue their journey.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Joy''': Come on, we just need to cut through… ''[gasps]'' Imagination Land! Oh, you guys are going to love it! There's French Fry Forest, Cloud Town and… ''[notices some changes around]'' Whoa. This place has changed. Mount Crushmore? :'''Fear''': Those are her top four? :'''Disgust''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' The only one that matters is Lance. :'''Joy''': Well, at least they got his good side. :'''Disgust''': Every side is his good side. <hr width=50%> :'''Anxiety''': All we got to do is to sneak into her office and read it. Come on, Riley, move those feet. :'''Envy''': She doesn't want to...? :'''Anxiety''': Are we pushing her too hard? :'''Envy''': We have got to see what's in the notebook. It's the only way for us to know how we can do better. ''[touches the console]'' <hr width=50%> :''[After Sadness uses Ennui's phone to stop Riley from looking through Coach Roberts' notebook.]'' :'''Anxiety''': Wait, why'd she stop? ''[gasps, seeing the console turning blue]'' Sadness? Ennui! Where's your phone? :'''Ennui''': ''[starts panicking]'' Ooh-la-la... My phone! Where is my phone? Seriously?! ''[looks under the couch]'' This is not happening! No, no, no, no, NO! :'''Anxiety''': Okay, she's gotta be here somewhere. Find her. :'''Envy''': GOTCHA! :''[Envy and Ennui shove the binders to catch Sadness, but she's not there; Embarrassment sighs in relief.]'' <hr width=50%> :''[The emotions make it to the back of the mind and see a huge mountain of bad memories.]'' :'''Fear''': That is a lot. :'''Joy''': This is more than I remember sending back here. :'''Disgust''': ''[picks up a memory of Riley bumping her head into a glass door]'' Oh, when she walked into that glass door at that party. Oof! :'''Joy''': Yeah, and breaking Grandma's favorite plate. Thank goodness these aren't part of her. <hr width=50%> :'''Disgust''': Okay, so how do we get her Sense of Self from here to ''there?'' :'''Anger''': ''[sighs]'' I have an idea, but I really don't like it. :'''Joy''': Anger, Riley needs us. :'''Anger''': ''[reluctantly]'' OH, POUCHY! ''[echoes; no response]'' Well, what are you waiting for? Say the words. :'''Emotions''': OH, POUCHY! ''[echoes]'' :'''Pouchy''': ''[suddenly appearing in front of them]'' Hi, everybody! I'm Pouchy! :'''Anger''': We know! :'''Joy''': Pouchy, we need to get back to Headquarters. Do you have ''anything'' that can help us? :'''Pouchy''': I have lots of items. Which one do you think will work the best? A roll of tape, a rubber ducky, or-- :'''Anger''': No time! ''[pulls him down and takes out three sticks of dynamite from his mouth] :'''Disgust''': Seriously, Pouchy? Dynamite? Don't you have, like, a-a jetpack, a plane or something that's gonna help us?! :'''Pouchy''': ''[miffed]'' What do you think I have, everything in here?! I offered you the rubber ducky. I offered you the tape. :'''Joy''': ''[gets an idea]'' I know what to do. But we're gonna need a lot more dynamite. :'''Pouchy''': You know what? Good luck-- ''[Anger puts his hand back in Pouchy's mouth so he could pull out more dynamite]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Coach Roberts''': ''[blowing her whistle after Riley aggressively accidentally crashes into Grace; sharply]'' Andersen! Penalty box, two minutes. :'''Anxiety''': ''[horrified]'' NO! :'''Bree''': Grace, are you okay? :''[Riley watches Bree and Coach Roberts checking on Grace to see if she's alright.]'' :'''Envy''': We hurt Grace! :'''Anxiety''': It all happened so fast. I didn't even see her! <hr width=50%> :''[Bree and Grace check on Riley in the penalty box after she calms herself down from her panic attack]'' :'''Grace''': Riley, you okay? :''[The other emotions step forward while Joy remains by the new Sense of Self.]'' :'''Riley''': ''[gets up]'' Yeah. I mean… no. ''[starts breaking down]'' I was such a jerk to you, guys. When you guys told me you were going to a different school, I freaked out. And... ''[sighs]'' I'm so sorry. If you don't want to be friends anymore, I get it. But… I really hope that you can forgive me… someday. <hr width=50%> :'''Anxiety''': I love our girl. :'''Joy''': How could you not? She's super smart. :'''Sadness''': And great at hockey. :'''Disgust''': She's really creative. :'''Ennui''': She can be bored, but never boring. :'''Joy''': But she can be a little sarcastic from time to time. :'''Fear''': She can have really bad ideas. :'''Anger''': Occasionally, she can do the wrong things. :'''Joy''': Sometimes, she can be too hard on herself, but every bit of Riley makes her who she is. And we love all of our girl. Every messy, beautiful piece of her. <hr width=50%> :''[During the end credits at the Andersen house; the Andersens are eating dinner at the table]'' :'''Jill''': So, Riley, how was camp? :''[Zoom into Riley's mind]'' :'''Joy''': Okay, we talked about this. We tell them everything. :'''Riley''': Uh… :'''Anxiety''': But what about sneaking into Coach's office? :'''Anger''': What about hitting Grace? :'''Envy''': Remember the lying? :'''Disgust''': Are we gonna tell her about the Fire Hawks? :'''Anger''': She doesn't need to know. :'''Fear''': Objection! :'''Ennui''': Pardon. ''Excusez moi''. ''[presses a button on the console app on her phone]'' :'''Riley''': ''[nonchalantly]'' It was good. ''[eats her food]'' :''[Jill makes a "Please tell me you're joking" look before zooming into her mind and her emotions.]'' :'''Jill's Anger''': She goes away for three days and all we get is, "good"? :'''Jill's Anxiety''': ''[appears from the curtains]'' And what about the red in her hair?! Did she join a gang? :'''Jill's Sadness''': ''[gives her tea to chill]'' Welcome back, Anxiety. :''[Zoom into Bill's mind and his emotions.]'' :'''Bill's Anxiety''': ''[pops up]'' She goes away for three days and all we get is, "good"?! :'''Bill's Anger''': Yeah. Sounds right. Back to the game. ==Taglines== * Big changes. New emotions. * Make room for new emotions. * Contain your emotions. ==Cast== {{col-begin}} {{col-2}} * [[Amy Poehler]] — Joy * {{w|Phyllis Smith}} — Sadness * [[Lewis Black]] — Anger * {{w|Tony Hale}} — Fear * {{w|Liza Lapira}} — Disgust * [[Maya Hawke]] — Anxiety * {{w|Ayo Edebiri}} — Envy * {{w|Adèle Exarchopoulos}} — Ennui * {{w|Paul Walter Hauser}} — Embarrassment * Kensington Tallman — Riley Andersen * {{w|Diane Lane}} — Jill Andersen * {{w|Kyle MacLachlan}} — Bill Andersen * [[w:Lilimar Hernandez|Lilimar]] — Valerie "Val" Ortiz * Sumayyah Nuriddin-Green — Bree * Grace Lu — Grace * Yong Yea — Lance Slashblade * {{w|Ron Funches}} — Bloofy {{col-2}} * {{w|Yvette Nicole Brown}} — Coach Roberts * Hadlee Gannaway — Pouchy * [[Steve Purcell]] — Deep Dark Secret * {{w|Dave Goelz}} — Mind Cop * {{w|Kirk Thatcher}} — Foreman * [[Frank Oz]] — Mind Cop #2 * {{w|Paula Pell}} — Jill's Anger * {{w|Elizabeth Hanna}} — Nostalgia * {{w|Pete Docter}} — Bill's Anger * [[Paula Poundstone]] — Forgetter #2 * {{w|John Ratzenberger}} — Frits * {{w|Sarayu Rao}} — Margie * [[Flea (musician)|Flea]] — Jak * {{w|Bobby Moynihan}} — Forgetter * {{w|Kendall Coyne Schofield}} — Hockey Announcer * [[w:Lori Alan|Lori Alan]] — Jill's Sadness * [[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] — Bill's Fear * [[w:Josh Cooley|Josh Cooley]] — Bill's Sadness * Sherry Lynn — Jill's Disgust and Joy * Roger Craig Smith — Bill's Anxiety * Mona Marshall — Jill's Anxiety {{col-end}} ==External Links== * {{imdb title|22022452|Inside Out 2}} * {{rotten-tomatoes|id=inside_out_2|title=Inside Out 2}} {{wikipedia}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2024 computer-animated films]] [[Category:2024 American animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's animated drama films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:Comedy-drama films]] [[Category:Animated films about families]] [[Category:Animated films about friendship]] [[Category:Animated films set in San Francisco]] [[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated films]] [[Category:Ice hockey films]] [[Category:American sequel films]] [[Category:American 3D animated films]] [[Category:Films directed by Kelsey Mann]] [[Category:Pixar]] [[Category:Films about emotions]] [[Category:Inside Out]] 5oxx84jlvp2l6zz1imo5wv3h19ib39f 0 275162 3949346 3948640 2026-06-05T23:49:37Z ~2026-33411-58 3337046 /* The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06] */ 3949346 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)|Rock Paper Scissors]]''''' is an American animated comedy television series for Nickelodeon created by Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman. ------ ==Season 1== ===''Birthday Police / Paper's Big Lie [1.01]''=== :'''Rock''': Get ready. 'Cause we're about to go on an adventure. :'''Paper''': There will be twists. There will be turns. :'''Scissors''': But if we stick together, ''[his sunglasses shine]'' I promise… we will complete this maze for ages five and under! :'''Rock''': Let's get the cat to the cat food! :'''Paper''': Yeah! :'''Scissors''': We got this. ''[The Birthday Police Car speakers start playing a Rock and Roll version of "Happy Birthday"]'' '''Speaker''': ''[sings]'' Happy Birthday to you. '''Rock''': ''[screams]'' I love this song! '''Speaker''': ''[continues singing]'' Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to you! ''[Officer Wishowski aims the Confetti Cannon at the trio]'' '''Scissors''': Confetti Cannon! I can't see! ''[Paper coughs as the trio wipe the confetti off their bodies]'' '''Rock & Scissors''': Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they both fall to the floor]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor again]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor a third time and Paper's machine got knocked over]'' '''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' What the heck are you doing?! '''Scissors''': Trying to do a jump jump kick. '''Rock''': You know, from video games. When your second jump is in the air, then you do a really cool kick. ''[Rock and Scissors try to do it again but they fall to the floor once again]'' '''Paper''': Somehow you two are dumber together. '''Scissors''': ''[gets back up]'' Or we're smarter together. '''Rock''': ''[also gets back up]'' Got it. ''[he and Scissors try to high five each other but they slap their faces and fall to the floor the final time]'' ===''Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02]''=== :''[The trio are doing meditation poses and are interrupted by thumping sounds from the fourth floor]'' :'''Rock''': What the heck was that?! :'''Scissors & Paper''': ''[enviously]'' The Rat Bros. :''[They show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door; smugly]'' 'Sup, losers? :'''Rock''': Losers? :'''Paper''': Come on. :'''Scissors''': Man, you're cool. :'''Paper''': What is going on in there?! :'''Logan''': Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. ''[shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan and Derf, on their pogo sticks]'' We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… oh, that's right…you don't have pogo sticks. :'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. :''[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]'' :'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me. :'''Scissors''': We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool. ===''Weekend Story / Putty [1.03]''=== :'''Pencil''': Skydiving? Wow, Paper. I was just about to be your girlfriend, but not anymore, you boring turkey! ''[pulls a lever, causing Paper to eject and laughs maniacally]'' : : :'''Pencil #1''': No conflict pirates? :'''Pencil #2''': Swords as decoration? :'''Pencil #3''': You wear glasses? :'''Paper''': ''You'' wear glasses? :'''Pencil #3''': Yeah, but I wear them as well. :''[The Pencil clones all press a button together, causing Paper to eject and laugh diabolically]'' : :'''Paper''': You can run, but you can't fly! ''[laughs evilly; activating his drone]'' ===''Hide and Seek / The First Lou Episode [1.04]''=== :'''Scissors''': ''[dramatic]'' You think you can hide from me?! Well, you're wrong because I… will… seek you! ''[playfully]'' Ready or not, here I come! ''[annoyed]'' Rock, you're behind the lamp. You're really bad at this game. :''[Rock notices and sighs sadly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Paper''': Rock, I need your help to find Scissors. :'''Rock''': You have to find me first. ''[giggles]'' :'''Paper''': I mean, you're wearing camouflage against the blue wall. :'''Rock''': ''[notices]'' Okay, I'll do it. But only if I can keep playing. :'''Paper''': Sure. Go nuts. :''[Rock cartwheels back to the camouflage wall and sighs sadly]'' :'''Rock''': I am not good at this game. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The trio are knitting a friendship blanket together while singing a song when they hear a banging sound from the door]'' :'''Lou''': ''[off-screen]'' It's Lou. Let me in. :'''Scissors''': Shoot, it's the landlord! :'''Paper''': Don't answer it. I don't want to deal with that pile of garbage. :'''Rock''': Paper! He's not that bad. :'''Paper''': No, I mean, he's literally trash. :''[Rock opens the door, revealing Lou, a grumpy landlord standing in the doorway]'' :'''Rock''': Lou, can you please put on pants? :'''Lou''': Pants? What am I, rich? You'd think I work on Wall Street? Oh, look at me. I wear pants and own a sports team. Why don't I buy a Lamborghini, too, wear that around my legs? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lou''': ''[as the end credits roll]'' Look at all these Hollywood phonies. Oh, Bob. Bob pronounces it "croi-ssant." Very annoying. Kurt, he's a fancy guy! Drinks seltzer! What are you, not getting enough free air? You got to pay to drink it? And let me tell you something about Nickelodeon, and I won't let them censor this! They... ''[a card sequence reading, '''"Oops! Please stand by"''' appears]'' I hope you like this episode, 'cause now, they get a lot worse! ===''The Susan / Eyebrows [1.05]''=== :'''Scissors''': The Susan is right. :'''Rock''': The Susan is always right. :'''Paper''': Well, this is the first time The Susan has talked, remember? :'''Rock''': We're sorry. :'''Scissors''': We should have never changed you. :'''Paper''': Can you forgive us? : : : : : :'''Rock''': ''[pacing back and forth]'' What am I gonna do about this audition?! Without my eyebrows, no one'll read my emotions! :'''Paper''': You seem very calm about this. :'''Rock''': No, I'm not! I'm freaking out! :'''Paper''': I can't-uh, do you need a snack? Are you cold? Did you slam your hand in a new or possibly old car door? ''[Rock draws angry eyebrows on two notepads and puts them on his forehead]'' Oh, oh, oh, you're upset. Don't worry. I think I can help you with my robotics invention. I'll make you… a pair of… animatronic eyebrows! ===''Scissors Gets a Job [1.06]''=== :'''Rock''': You made money by faking injuries and suing people? That's terrible. :'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh, moral Rock doesn't like making his money through fraudulent lawsuits. :'''Paper''': Broke or not, you still have to pay for your pizza. Maybe it's time you stop being a bum and get a job. :'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly once again]'' Oh, judgmental Paper calls me a bum just 'cause I fit the definition of one. :'''Paper''': Why don't you ever wanna find work? Is it because you're not really good at anything? :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Hey! :'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors is good at lot of things, like, uh, sunglasses. :'''Scissors''': Forget you guys. I'll find work when I want to. :'''Paper''': Well, until you do, you ''can't'' have pizza with us. :'''Scissors''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Paper''': In fact, every time you walk through that door, Rock and I will be eating pizza until it motivates you to get a job. :'''Rock''': Awesome! :'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' Fine! You just watch. I'll have pizza money in no time. ''[bumps his leg on the table]'' Ow, my leg or- :'''Judge''': In the case of Scissors vs. Paper and his dangerous coffee table, the court rules in favor of Paper. :'''Scissors''': ''[rips the bandages off himself]'' Dang it! Alright. I'll get a job. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I've been fired from every job I've tried, and this was kind of my last option. But I guess I'll go home and tell my roommates they were right about me. I'm a loser. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[weakly and stuffed with a huge belly]'' Scissors, did you… ''[stomach grumbles while he clutches it]'' Oh. …get a job yet? :'''Rock''': ''[pushes Paper aside, also stuffed with a huge belly]'' Please say yes. :'''Scissors''': Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm hiding out in a chamomile field. :'''Paper''': Oh, of course you are. Then you leave us no choice. ''[pulls a giant pizza pie]'' We're going to eat the most decadent pizza ever created. :'''Rock''': No! :'''Paper''': The Ultimate Meat Huggers Double Stuffed Deep Dishanator with 50 pounds… of cheese. ''[Rock starts crying as he eats a slice while Scissors looks confused]'' It's so… ''[grabs his stomach while groaning as it grumbles]'' ...good. :'''Rock''': ''[whimpers as Paper eats another slice]'' Oh, there's pizza underneath the pizza! ''[he and Paper eat more slices until they fall on their sides and holding their bellies in pain]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. I know what I'm good at! ''[runs away, dropping his phone]'' :'''Paper''': Oh, Rock, he ran away. We're gonna come find you, Scissors. We just want to have… ''[his stomach gurgles; groans]'' …as much fun… Oh, no. …as we're having! :'''Rock''': No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!!!!! ===''The Arctic / Prank War [1.07]''=== :'''Paper''': Why is it so hot in here? :'''Rock''': Scissors crank the heater up so he can show off his new tank top. :'''Scissors''': Check it out! It's a monster truck with enormous biceps. It's perfect for tough guys like me. I even had them print my motto on the back. '''''"If you want the 'ceps, you do the reps."''''' :'''Paper''': You don't ''do'' the reps, and why are you in a tank top? It's winter. ''[opens the window blinds, revealing the winter sky and wind]'' You're gonna overload the heater like this. It can't handle… ''[the heater suddenly breaks down and the cold air breezes into the apartment; sighs in annoyance]'' Without me, you guys would not survive. :''[The trio stand outside of Lou's apartment]'' :'''Lou''': I'm ''raising'' the rent! :'''Rock''': Lou! :'''Paper''': Hold on! :'''Scissors''': Give us a second! :'''Paper''': Listen, our heater broke and we need you to fix it. :'''Lou''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, fancy, boys, you "set" the temperature in your apartment. You don't got to turn on a hot plate and rub it on your bum. :'''Rock''': You don't got it either. :'''Lou''': Well, I can't help you. I'm on my way to Landlord Con. It's a meetup for landlords where we talk about plumbing and famous literature. :'''Scissors''': Name one book. :'''Lou''': Fine, it's just plumbing. Anyway, I'll be back in three days. Mittens, you're the new landlord while I'm gone. :''[Mittens walks out of the doorway and meows to them as if he was saying "I'm ''raising'' the rent!"]'' :'''Rock''': Mittens! :'''Paper''': Come on! :'''Scissors''': That's so unfair! ''[as he and his friends return to their apartment]'' It'll be fine. We could survive without heat for three days. :''[They enter their apartment and shockingly find it all covered in snow and icicles]'' :'''Paper''': Well, we can go stay with my mom. :'''Rock''': New adventure! Rock, Paper, Scissors move in with Paper's mom! :'''Paper''': ''[trying to open the door, but only to find that it's quickly frozen; grunting]'' It's frozen shut! We're trapped! :'''Scissors''': By the way, fun fact about monster trucks-- they don't normally have biceps. :'''Paper''': ''[groans annoyingly]'' Well, we're off to a great start. We can't call for help because our phones are frozen. ''[to Scissors]'' You won't put on a jacket because you keep saying you "run hot." :'''Scissors''': ''[shivering; resisting the cold temperature]'' T-t-tough guys like me don't g-get cold. :'''Paper''': And Rock is not taking this seriously. <hr width="y50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[wearily while making an igloo]'' I just need to finish this igloo. That'll keep us safe. :'''Rock''': Oh, here's a good one. If you were a warm, nutritious food, what warm, nutritious food would you be? ''[igloo explodes, covering them in snow]'' Do you prefer the hot or the cold? :'''Scissors''': Fun fact about me, I actually run… :'''Paper''': ''[snapping]'' Shut up! Shut up! Ah, I hate this! I am tired of you two being incapable, and I hate always being the savior of this group! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': What'll it take to get you to join? You want money, gifts, someone to hug you and say, "Good job, son"? Wait, that's what I want. :'''Paper''': Look, pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest! :'''Scissors''': ''[to Rock]'' How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now? :'''Pencil''': ''[bursting into their apartment]'' Guys, the Rat Bros asked me to join their side in the prank war! :'''Rock''': ''[shocked] WHAT?!'' Wait, I actually don't know how to feel about this yet. Keep talking. :'''Pencil''': I'm so excited! Most people don't know this about me, but I'm a huge trickster. One time, I told a coworker something was made of polycarbonate when it was actually made of polythylmethacrylate! :'''Paper''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, you are bad. <hr width="50%"> :''[The trio are hiding behind a bush in the park, watching the Rat Bros weightlifting]'' :'''Scissors''': Okay. What's the plan, new guy? :'''Paper''': I say we sneak up and blast them with my water balloon cannon. Now, Rock! Push the button! :'''Rock''': ''[tries to push the button but the laser zaps him causing him to dance uncontrollably]'' I'm trying but I can't stop dancing! :'''Scissors''': I'll do it. ''[the laser zaps him; his body starts to inflate like a balloon and floats away]'' What is- Rock, grab me! GRAB ME! ''[holds onto the cannon]'' :'''Paper''': What the heck is going- ''[the laser zaps him; screams as his neck extends like a giraffe and his giraffe-like head falls to the ground]'' Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! :''[The Rat Bros walk up to them]'' :'''Rock''': Oh, the party won't stop! :'''Logan''': 'Sup, boys? Were you planning to blast us with your secret weapon? Well, ''we'' have a secret weapon too. :'''Pencil''': ''[popping up from a nearby bush]'' I made an atomic transmogrification laser! It can alter molecular structure in really crazy ways! Watch. ''[zaps Scissors' head, causing it to also inflate]'' :'''Scissors''': My head! My head is a balloon! ''[floats away]'' :'''Paper''': Okay, this might be a bit harder than I thought. :'''Scissors''': Sharp branch! Sharp branch! :''[Scissors' nose is poked by a branch and deflates around while the Rat Bros laugh]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[wakes up when he hears loud crashing sounds]'' Did you guys hear something? ''[his brothers wake up, also hearing the sound; they walk over to Scissors, disguised as a graffiti painting, then walk over to Rock, mistaking him for a smart device]'' Smart device, play smooth jazz. ''[Rocks plays some music, but not smooth jazz; walks over to Paper holding a sign saying: "I'm a TV"; realizing something]'' Wait a second. ''[turns back to Rock]'' That's Afro-Cuban jazz! :''[Rock smiles sheepishly]'' :'''Paper''': GRAB THE LASER! <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rat Bros have tied up the trio to chairs for sneaking into their apartment and trying to steal Pencil's transmogrification laser]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[to Brody, Brogan and Derf]'' Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just wanna say I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one. :'''Pencil''': Theft, Paper? That was your plan? You know, I expected something that basic from Scissors, and maybe Rock, 'cause I don't know much about him. :'''Rock''': We should hang out more. :'''Pencil''': We should! But come on, man, up your game. It's like, I'm Issac Newton and you're Godfried-Willem Raes. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[interrupting the Prank War award ceremony while in a mech suit]'' Stop that crowning! :'''Woman''': What? Stop the crowning? :'''Paper''': ''[walks up on the stage]'' Oh, you thought this was over? ''[snickers]'' Well, ''prank! [Scissors grabs Derf from his seat; stands on the podium]'' Ladies and gentlemen, answer me this: How can the Rat Bros accept the prank crown if the Rat Bros aren't all on this planet? ''[Derf is then strapped to a rocket]'' Yes! Do it, Scissors! Wedgie that Rat Bro into space! Look at me now, Pencil! I'm Issac Newton! I'm Issac Newton! ''[laughs maniacally, shaking the podium]'' :''[Rock, Pencil, the Rat Bros, the audience and Paper all watch as Scissors is preparing to fire the missile and send Derf off into space]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[suddenly having a change of heart]'' No. ''[deactivates the rocket and sets Derf down]'' :'''Paper''': What? :'''Scissors''': No more prank war! ''[the audience gasps]'' I just had a huge revelation. Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. :'''Paper''': Wait, that's what I said. :'''Scissors''': Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. :'''Paper''': ''[baffled]'' Is he doing my speech? :'''Scissors''': As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest! :''[The audience clap and cheer, and the Rat Bros whistle]'' :'''Rock''': Whoo! <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[kneels down to Scissors]'' Good job, son. ''[he and Scissors hug as the latter sheds tears of happiness]'' ===''Key Limes / Six Pieces of Turkey [1.08]''=== :'''Scissors''': ''[pukes in the trash can and moans]'' Oh, man. Did you see me driving back there? I was cool as a cu- ''[pukes in the trash again]'' …cumber. ===''The Other Rock Paper Scissors / The Astonishing Catalina [1.09]''=== :'''Better Rock, Paper, & Scissors''': Hello! :'''Scissors''': Oh, boy. :'''Better Rock''': Come in, come in! :'''Paper''': Huh. Your place looks similar to ours. :'''Scissors''': Although, I see you don't see have a TV. :'''Better Scissors''': Why would we need a TV? We're too entertained by our friends. :'''Rock, Paper & Scissors''': Ugh. :'''Better Rock''': Thanks for bringing these over. Funny enough, we just got some of your mail today, too. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': I don't understand. :'''Scissors''': You're smarter than us, you're nicer than us, you're at least 15 other things better than us. What's wrong with you guys?! :'''Better Scissors''': You tell us. We're always willing to grow. :''[Scissors yells in rage]'' :'''Better Paper''': Hey, you seem upset. Why don't we all go to the couch and talk about our feelings? :''[The better trio fly back to the couch]'' :'''Rock''': You fly too?! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': We can live like this. <hr width="50%"> :'''Catalina''': Why won't you let me do the trick?! :'''Scissors''': Because it makes me feel uncool! :'''Catalina''': What are you talking about? You're effortlessly cool! The only way I can feel cool is by doing magic! :'''Scissors''': I find that hard to believe, 'cause everything about you is cool! You're stylish and confident and turn horses into dragons! :'''Catalina''': But you never blink an eye! I've done so many horrible things to you and you always say you can live like this! :'''Scissors''': YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON I KNOW! :'''Catalina''': THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT ''YOU!'' ===''Pencil Comes Over / The Wind [1.10]''=== :'''Paper''': I can't believe that worked. :'''Scissors''': I know. It went exactly like I-''[pukes on the ground]'' Oh, whatever. <hr width="50%"> :'''Sandpaper''': You're the vomit boy? :'''Scissors''': That was one time and it hasn't happened si- ''[pukes on the ground again]'' Oh, why? ===''The Holiday Picture / Scrubs [1.11]''=== :'''Rock''': Guys! We got more holiday cards! :'''Paper''': ''[disappointed]'' Man, everyone looks so perfect in these photos-- Lou, the Rat Bros, even Crazy-Eyed Pirate. :'''Rock''': Who? :'''Scissors''': I don't know. We met a lot of wacky characters. It's hard to keep track. :'''Paper''': Why can't ''we'' take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went Super Saiyan. :'''Scissors''': That year was awesome! :'''Paper''': And the year Rock dressed up as some old cartoon character. :''[The last photo shows Rock in his Rocko getup from [[w:List of Rocko's Modern Life characters|Rocko's Modern Life]]]'' :'''Rock''': You didn't enjoy ''"Rocko, Paper, Scissors"?'' :'''Paper''': Eh, it was okay. :'''Scissors''': I liked that show. The main guy was always like… ''[imitating Rocko's voice]'' "Hey, mate, I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky. He-he." ''[normally]'' Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression. :'''Paper''': I just want ''one'' perfect holiday photo. <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': Wait. Where ''is'' your chain? :'''Scissors''': Oh! Toast Ghost is covering it! Aw, man! Now the caption doesn't make any sense! <hr width="50%"> :''[The trio are eating at a cafe while Paper is dressed in a medical uniform and scrubs, much to Scissors' jealousy]'' :'''Scissors''': So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes. :'''Paper''': Whatever do you mean? :'''Rock''': Guys, let's be peaceful. :'''Scissors''': I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears. :'''Paper''': Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas. :'''Scissors''': And the stethoscope? :'''Paper''': I thought it was a necklace. :'''Scissors''': Yeah? You wear necklaces now? :'''Rock''': Scissors, take a breath. :'''Scissors''': This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper! :'''Orange-haired Kid''': Wow, a real-life hero! ''[offers Paper to sign his autograph]'' How can I be a doctor one day? :'''Paper''': I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes. :'''Scissors''': That's literally all he did! :'''Rock''': Let's ask ''why'' this upsets you. :'''Scissors''': Rock, you went on one meditation retreat, you're not some wise, old sage. ''[points to Paper]'' And ''he's'' not a doctor! I bet he can't even tell you what hospital he works at! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[grumbles annoyingly]'' I'm gonna get more respect than ''you,'' Paper. And I know someone's society respects even ''more'' than doctors. ''[walks off and comes back, wearing a basketball jersey]'' :'''Paper''': What are you wearing? :'''Scissors''': A basketball jersey… Which I guess makes me a professional basketball player. :'''Paper''': Oh, please. You really think people are going to believe that you're… :'''Woman''': Ronald Jamison! <hr width="50%"> :'''Orange-haired Kid''': ''[sitting with three humanoid children pair of scissors]'' What the heck is going on? <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Come on, Paper, I'm really hurt! Just admit you're not a doctor! :'''Paper''': Only if ''you'' admit you're ''not'' Ronald Jamison! :'''Scissors''': Why don't I admit myself to the hospital…where you don't work! ===''Bowling / The Character Quiz [1.12]''=== :'''Rock''': Want to tell your problems to a rock you never met? :'''Bowling Owner''': ''[sighs]'' It's that Scissors guy. He's putting me out of business. See? At my bowling alley, a perfect score gets you a free tub of curly fries and a free game. And Scissors got so good at bowling, he hasn't paid for a game in 2 years. :'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain. :''[Scissors laughs deviously while wearing an evil mustache made of curly fries]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[to Scissors]'' Listen, Scissors. It would really help the owner if you started paying for curly fries. :'''Scissors''': Oh, naive Rock, always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting deals for all... they're... worth! ''[laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash behind him]'' Man, these deals make me a maniac. :'''Rock''': I like to believe that if you reach out your arms to others, their arms will reach back out to you. :'''Scissors''': You also believe the Earth is heart-shaped. I can't trust anything you say. :'''Rock''': Then how about this? I challenge you to a game of bowling. If I win, you have to start paying for curly fries. But if you win, you get the bowling alley. :'''Scissors''': Seriously? I mean, yeah, of course. That's a very uneven deal. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again. :'''Rock''': Don't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. ''[hands him a letter]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[reads the letter]'' '''''"Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!"''''' ''[later cut to him talking to a therapist]'' I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! ''[lightning bolts flash behind him once again]'' :'''Therapist''': And where do you think that comes from? :'''Scissors''': ''[starts crying]'' I don't know! <hr width="50%"> :''[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: "The Gang's All Here" and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]'' :'''Creepo''': I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. ''[hisses at a car that just passed him]'' I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! ''[holds up a jar of his chest hair]'' :'''Dave''': Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave. :'''Rock''': See? :'''Logan''': ''[enters the trio's apartment]'' I heard you guys got Stephernie. ''I'' got Stephernie! :'''Brody''': I got Fire Hydrant. :'''Lou''': ''[sliding in]'' I got Dave! :'''Scissors''': Sure. :'''Logan''': I see that. :'''Paper''': Me too. :'''Rock''': How? How do you see that? :'''Logan''': Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. ''[he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party. :'''Scissors''': Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive. :'''Paper''': Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too? :'''Sandpaper''': Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no. Secret's out. :'''Scissors''': ''[noticing something]'' Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is '''''not''''' a Stephernie! ''[the others gasp in shock]'' No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. ''[to Sandpaper]'' What's Stephernie's last name?! :'''Sandpaper''': Stephernie. :'''Scissors''': Good. ''[to Baron Von Snootsberg]'' Walk like Stephernie! ''[Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey]'' Good. ''[to Robot Executive]'' In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house? :'''Robot Executive''': Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party! :''[Paper sighs in relief]'' :'''Scissors''': That's exactly what she said. :'''Paper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… ''[everyone looks at him, suspiciously]'' in a Stephernie way. ''[walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]'' :'''Robot Executive''': Yes, that checks out. :'''Scissors''': Yeah, very Stephernie. :'''Rock''': ''[on the phone with Paper]'' You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior. :'''Paper''': ''[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth]'' You just said you're breaking into a TV studio! :'''Rock''': For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake! :'''Paper''': Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie. :'''Rock''': Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars. :'''Paper''': What is this show? :'''Scissors''': ''[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything]'' Not a Stephernie, huh? :'''Paper''': I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me! :'''Scissors''': ''[kneels down]'' Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana? :'''Paper''': Seriously, what is this show? <hr width="50%"> :'''Wizard''': Listen, Fire Hydrant, I'm your brother. And I don't think this man you're dating is right for you. :'''Fire Hydrant''': I can't help it. I like my men like I like my fires… Smokin'! <hr width="50%"> :'''Creepo''': Hey, pal. ''You're'' the Creepo here. Here's your popsicle stick and your chest hair. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I'm sorry, Paper. I should have never tried to dunk you in a vat of hot lava just for not identifying with the same fictional TV character. :'''Paper''': And ''I'm'' sorry that-- ''[realizes]'' actually, my thing wasn't that bad. ===''Potato / The Fart Joke Debate [1.13]''=== :'''Paper''': It's "The Paper Show"! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. ''[Logan gets up and walks away]'' The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... ''[throws some things which are deadly and screams]'' Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? ''[drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing]'' No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started. :'''Scissors''': Jacket! :'''Paper''': Can I get another word? :'''Pencil''': Circus! :'''Paper''': Can I get a fruit that's round and orange? :'''Rock''': Kumquat! :''[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]'' :'''Paper''': ''[rapping]'' When I say "Paper", you say "rules". Paper- :'''Rock, Scissors, Pencil, & Lou''': No. <hr width="50%"> :'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Eh. I just don't like fart jokes. :''[everyone gasps in horror]'' :'''Rock''': What did you say? :'''Paper''': I don't think they're funny. :''[everyone gasps again]'' :'''Scissors''': Not even Long Squeakers? :'''Pencil''': Butt Trumpets? :'''Rock''': Wet and Nasties? :'''Paper''': Ew, what? No. :'''Scissors''': ''[to Pencil and Rock]'' Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… ''are'' funny. ===''Paper's Secret Weapon / The Sled Hill [1.14]'' === :'''Paper''': ''[mumbling to himself while working]'' Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then. :'''Scissors''': Hey, Paper. What are you working on? :'''Paper''': ''[turns around with an angry face]'' I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy! :'''Rock''': Whoa. :'''Scissors''': Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it. :'''Paper''': Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! ''[karate kicks a wall and runs off]'' :'''Rock''': We might have made him a little too angry. :'''Scissors''': Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry. :'''Rock''': ''[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling]'' Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always. :''[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]'' :'''Paper''': Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Scissors, I forbid you from sledding down that hill. It's a slippery slope ''straight'' to the emergency room. Also, don't add anything I didn't say during this flashback. I'm a big stick-in-the-mud, poopy-pants, poop-poop guy. <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground]'' Scissors, are you alright? :'''Scissors''': ''[sits up]'' Oh, my arm. :'''Rock''': ''[looks at Scissors' right arm]'' Looks okay to me. ''[sees his broken left arm]'' Oh, the ''broken'' arm. :'''Scissors''': ''[whining]'' Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this. :'''Rock''': Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. ''[opens the case and springs pop out of it]'' It's also a comedy school. :'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' :'''Rock''': We gotta get Paper. :'''Scissors''': No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, "I was right" like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me? :'''Rock''': I'm with you. ''[high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing]'' Oh, right. Your arm. ===''Scissors' Catapult / Pencil and Potato [1.15]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work]'' Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. ''[he goes to the roof instead]'' However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- ''[he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully]'' I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. ''[whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster]'' Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. ''[accidentally breaks the chair]'' Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. ''[tries to push the fridge to make it fall]'' And is this fridge gonna fall? ''[straining]'' Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on! :'''Rock''': Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them? '''Future Kevin''': If you're not going to mow my lawn, I'll make ''you'' mow my lawn! '''Future Scissors''': ''[while wearing a horse costume]'' You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?<hr width="50%"> :'''Pencil''': But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home! :'''Scissors''': There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything! :'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub? :'''Rock''': Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest. :'''Paper''': Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest. : : : :'''Potato''': Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest. : : : : :'''Waitress''': I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic. :''[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]'' :'''Rock''': Oh, no. He's running out of conversation. :'''Scissors''': Quick! Feed him a line! : :'''Paper''': Uh… ''[touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger]'' Flub-Bub. : : :'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub! :'''Waitress''': ''[swoons]'' Oh, Flub-Bub. :''[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]'' :'''Scissors''': Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe. :'''Flub-Bub''': ''[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice]'' Flub-Bubby! :'''Rock''': Oh. :'''Scissors''': Right. :'''Paper''': Totally forgot about that. ===''Resolutions / Paper's Book Club [1.16]''=== :'''Scissors''': You know calculators are usually smaller than that, right? And don't run on someone shoveling in coal? :'''Paper''': Whatever, it works. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure. :'''Rock''': And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions. :'''Scissors''': But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year. :'''Rock''': You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[talking about Scissors' resolution]'' January 1st: Scissors sees a poorly-translated Foreign film called ''"Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success"''. :'''Buff Man''': I lift weight, prove I big success! :'''Paper''': The resolution is made. January 2nd: Scissors buys every piece of gym equipment he can find and a giant tub of muscle powder. ''[Scissors tries to open the lid]'' But he's not strong enough to open the lid. January 3rd: Scissors eats an entire chocolate cake, feels badly about himself, and gives up on his resolution. And that's the end of the story. Although, there was a day in mid July where Scissors remembered the resolution and had a moment of renewed resolve. But then he ate another entire chocolate cake and felt terrible about himself. :''[Scissors moans in disappointment]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs. :'''Rock''': You did what?! :''[Scissors queasily pukes in the toilet due to a bad pain in his stomach]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Ugh, I'm gonna look like a fool! Paper makes me so mad I could just flip this… ''[tries to flip over the weight bench]'' well, maybe not the weight bench, but these tinier weights! ''[tries to flip them]'' Or at least this weight bench instruction manual! ''[tries to flip the manual; groans]'' How is this possible?! ''[later sits on the floor, watching "Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success" while eating an entire chocolate cake and feeling horrible about himself… as usual]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[to Paper]'' Hey, can we talk for a second? ''[looks at the camera]'' Uh, off camera? ''[cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them]'' Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary. :'''Paper''': ''[sighs]'' Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… ''[turns to the camera]'' because I needed it for this movie! ''[laughs and leaves]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]'' :'''Rock''': There were hamsters in there? :'''Paper''': ''[to Scissors]'' How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds! :'''Scissors & Rock''': ''[both gasp; simultaneously]'' I completed my New Year's resolution! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Let's sharpen our pens! ''[sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]'' :'''Rock''': Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen ''my'' pen! ''[does the same thing like Scissors did]'' :''[Words appear reading: '''"Don't try this at home. Obviously."''']'' :'''Paper''': ''[annoyed while he facepalms]'' Doofuses. ''[suddenly gets an idea]'' Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know! <hr width="50%"> :'''News Reporter''': This just in, multiple business owners are sad today, as they've had to close from all the free things they've given away to satisfy customer complaints. And as we all know, the only people who write complaints are whiny little poops. Here's a sketch of what such poops may or may not look like. :''[A drawing sketch of Rock and Scissors is shown]'' :'''Rock''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no, we're hurting people! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[attempting to return all the free stuff]'' I'm giving it back! :'''Scissors''': ''[trying to stop him]'' You're not giving it back! :'''Paper''': ''[barges into the apartment]'' Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… ''[looks around at all the free stuff]'' have no idea what this is. :'''Rock''': Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. ''[A pink flamingo walks past them]'' I don't even know what we complained about to get that. :'''Paper''': Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's ''bad,'' because people who complain are automatically viewed as right. :'''Scissors''': See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified. :'''Rock''': Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island? <hr width="50%"> :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': Thanks for coming into the Nickelodeon offices today, Scissors. We brought you in because we received a complaint letter from, well, him. :''[Rock sits next to her and crosses his arms while glaring at Scissors, revealing he's the one who wrote the letter]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Oh, you whiny little poop. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[reading the letter] '''"Dear Nickelodeon… In your program, "Rock Paper Scissors", Scissors' behavior has been morally reprehensible."''''' :'''Scissors''': Everyone's ''so'' sensitive. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[continues reading] '''"He rarely learns lessons, and, when given the opportunity to grow, continues with awful behavior."''''' :'''Scissors''': Yeah, that's what makes me fun. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[finishes reading] '''"This is not a character who should be exposed to our children. Please do something immediately."''''' I'm sorry, but we're suspending you from the show for two weeks. :'''Scissors''': WHAT?! (Two weeks?!) Who are you even gonna get to replace me? :''[The show's intro plays with Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel as Scissors' temporary replacement and the show's title being changed to "Rock Paper Nutso"]'' :'''Nutso''': This show's about to get Nutso! ===''National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[stretching himself]'' Alright, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! ''[exits the apartment building, and is surprised to see the whole town celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]'' :'''Rock''': Happy International Rock Day! :'''Paper''': International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday. :'''Rock''': Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors. :'''Scissors''': ''[leading a marching band]'' Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': (Hello?) Is this the Committee of National Holidays? :'''Rock''': ''[turning around in his chair, revealing himself]'' You bet it is! :'''Paper''': ''[suprised]'' Rock?! ''You're'' on the committee?! :'''Rock''': Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day. :'''Raspberry Cake''': I'm cake. :'''Paper''': ''[disbelieved]'' Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please. :''[The representatives all laugh]'' :'''Rock''': Paper, we don't just ''give'' out days. :'''Pencil''': Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one. :'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here. :'''Pencil''': Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears. <hr width="50%"> :'''Potato''': That presentation was ''terrible.'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying a bunch of groceries]'' :'''Paper''': Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries? :'''Scissors''': ''[sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich]'' I would, but my hands are full. :'''Rock''': Well, just put it down. :'''Scissors''': ''[now holding a lamp]'' Now I have another thing. :'''Paper''': Scissors! :''[Scissors whistles while holding a sandwich, a lamp, and three bowling balls]'' :'''Rock''': Scissors, come on! Can you just help us ''one'' time? <hr width="50%"> :'''Nice Scissors''': Excuse me. Could I talk to you about helping? :'''Traffic Cop Scissors''': Can't you see I'm busy directing traffic? ''[makes the cars crash into each other and laughs evilly]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[A memory footage shows Young Scissors running down the school hallway, and accidentally rips his pants while crouching down to pick up a piece of paper, showing his underwear and butt crack]'' :'''Young Scissors''': Oh, no! I ripped my pants at school! ''[gets attacked by a Pterodactyl that swooped in]'' :'''Nice Scissors''': That was a bad day. ===''The Family Business / Glitter Bomb [1.18]''=== :'''Rock''': ''[covered in glitter after singing a tune while getting mail]'' What just happened? :'''Scissors''': I think someone sent you a glitter bomb. :'''Rock''': ''[getting angry]'' Do you know how difficult it is to remove glitter? Who would do this to me? ''[sadly]'' Who would do this to me?! ''[furiously]'' WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?! ''[After Rock catches Paper with a fishing pole]'' '''Paper''': No! Please! Please! '''Rock''': ''[holds up tape]'' It's folding time. '''Paper''': Forgive me! Forgive me! No! '''Rock''': ''[reveals the words on the tape saying "Gotcha"] [happy]'' Gotcha! '''Paper''': What? '''Scissors''': ''[runs up to him]'' Gotcha! Oh, man. We got you so good! '''Paper''': What the heck is going on? '''Rock''': We knew you did the glitter bomb the whole time. '''Scissors''': So we thought it'd be funny if Rock pretended to be ''enraged'' by it and go on a crazy manhunt to scare you. '''Paper''': What?! '''Scissors''': Yeah, all of us were in on it. The mailman, Chad BrockChad, all the prisoners. '''Rock''': ''[giggles]'' Pretty funny, huh, Paper? '''Paper''': Are you insane? This isn't funny at all! I thought my life was in danger! '''Scissors''': It's just a joke. '''Paper''': I've been living Alaska for eight months! I bought a house here! I- ''[stammers]'' Look. I should have never tried to be funny, but you two shouldn't have either, so no more jokes. Okay? From now on, let's just all agree that none of us are funny. '''Rock''': Yeah. I guess none of us are funny. '''Scissors''': Not a one of us. ''[the trio sadly stare one by one at the viewer]'' ===''Diapers / R.O.V.E.R. [1.19]''=== :'''Paper''': Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful. :'''Scissors''': Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation. :'''Paper''': You don't ''have'' a cool reputation. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[after throwing all the diapers into the ocean as they start absorbing]'' Oh, no! I forgot how absorbent they are! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure. :'''Scissors''': ''[sobbing]'' AND MINE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS! :'''Rock''': Yeah, we heard about that. ''[outside the apartment building, a giant diaper rolls down the street, passing by]'' It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along. :'''Scissors''': How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! ''[Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's signifying it]'' It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks cold, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… ''[Rock and Paper both sulk]'' Or Rock's. ===''Trash [1.20]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[sniffs an unpleasant smell]'' What is that smell? :'''Scissors''': ''[looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around]'' I think it's Rock. :'''Paper''': Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash? :'''Scissors''': ''[waving his hand; dismissively]'' Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it. :'''Paper''': No, do it now. :'''Scissors''': I'll do it really soon. <hr width="50%"> :'''Dian''': I'm at my breaking point, Chris. We've dealt with too much noise and agony from all these wacky Rock Paper Scissors shenanigans. ''[flashback shows multiple episodes from the past]'' The rhino stomping around when Putty was there, the meltwater dripping through when their place turned into the Arctic, last Christmas, they were 10 different ghosts, and at one point, Scissors farted into a microphone and blew out all the windows in the building. What's it going to take for us to go up there and say something? ==Season 2== ===''Franz Roll and the Lost Rainbow Pants of Atraxes the Apple Bottomed [2.01]''=== ===''Paper and Pencil Tell a Joke / Scissors' Orchestra [2.02]''=== Pencil: Paper! PAPER! I got it! Paper: Pencil, are you okay? Pencil: (snoring loudly) ===''Shoot / Rock's First Day of Work [2.03]''=== ===''Paper Attends an Elite Institution / The New Landlord [2.04]''=== :'''Scissors''': You wanna go home? :'''Paper''': Why? Because you think I can't ''handle'' 3rd grade? :'''Scissors''': No, because I do not care about this. :'''Paper''': Oh, yeah, you think I'm too stupid that I can't get ''one'' "A"? :'''Scissors''': Listen. I know I usually antagonize you in situations like this, but I'm really not invested here. Rock and I are apartment-sitting for Pencil this week, and we're gonna play with all her cool gadgets, which seems like way more fun than this… frankly sad 3rd grade development. So, do whatever you want, but again, I could not care less. :'''Paper''': Well, ''I'll'' show you, Scissors! I ''will'' get an "A", an "A-plus", with a good job sticker on top! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[holding up one of Pencil's gadgets]'' Scissors, look! Pencil has a shapeshifter! ''[activates it, turning him and Scissors into snowmen]'' :'''Rock & Scissors''': Whoa! ''[they then turn into [[w:Minecraft|Minecraft]] style]'' Whoa! :'''Paper''': Well, I bet you're ''loving'' this, Scissors! Old doofus Paper failing 3rd grade! :''[Rock and Scissors have turned into an apple and a banana]'' :'''Scissors''': Again, I do not care. :'''Paper''': And now I have a group project due at the end of the week on genetic engineering and no one will want to work with me 'cause I'm the least intelligent kid in the class! :''[Rock and Scissors have then turned into frogs]'' :'''Scissors''': Paper, we've turned ourselves into frogs. We're looking for flies. :'''Paper''': Could we just acknowledge this?! This is insane! I mean, Rock, do ''you'' know quantum mechanics? :'''Rock''': Of course! I learned it in the 3rd grade. <hr width="50%"> :'''Catalina''': I'll be back, Scissors! And next time, I'll take you down! :'''Scissors''': Not if I take you down first. :'''Catalina''': How could you?! You have the brain of an ant! :'''Scissors''': And you have the face of the dead! :'''Catalina''': I hate you so much! :'''Scissors''': I HATE YOU MORE! :''[They slowly start to kiss, but snap out of it and look away from each other, awkwardly]'' :'''Catalina''': Anyway, you're the worst. :'''Scissors''': Yeah, uh… same to you. :'''Rock''': What is happening with them?! ===''The Origami Robot / Scissors Sees An Inspirational Sports Movie [2.05]''=== :''[The trio's apartment is being decorated for the holidays and Paper and Pencil are decorating the Christmas tree together]'' :'''Paper''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' I love the holidays. It really is the best time of year. :'''Pencil''': Yeah. You get to relax, have some quiet time, and… :'''Rock''': ''[barging in with Scissors clutching his stomach in pain]'' SCISSORS ATE A PINECONE! :'''Pencil''': What?! Why?! :'''Scissors''': Rock dared me to! :'''Rock''': No, I said, "Don't do that!" :'''Scissors''': Which I took as a dare! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': I'm with Paper. This really is the best time of year. :'''Paper''': It is. And I'm glad everything worked out. :'''Pencil''': Although I do feel bad the robot didn't remove the pinecone. :''[Zoom out to reveal Scissors laying flat on the floor with the pine tree growing out of his buttocks, which Paper and Pencil were decorating]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' Not as bad as I do. <hr width="50%"> :''[Scissors is watching an inspirational sports movie when Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying groceries]'' :'''Paper''': Oh, shoot! He's watching an inspirational sports movie! :'''Rock''': Every time he sees one of those, he thinks ''he'' can do that stuff! :'''Paper''': Turn it off! TURN IT OFF! :'''Rock''': ''[searching everywhere for the remote]'' I can't! Where's the remote?! :'''Crowd''': ''[chanting on TV]'' Scrudy! Scrudy! :'''Paper''': I DON'T KNOW! JUST RIP THE CORD OUT OF THE WALL! :'''Rock''': Which one?! THERE ARE SO MANY CORDS! ===''The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06]''=== :''[While watching Rock playing a Fantasy House video game, the trio hear the Rat Bros laughing and cheering from above the fourth floor]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Are the Rat Bros having another party? :'''Rock''': They are such jerks! :'''Paper''': Let's go up there and tell them to start being respectable members of society. :'''Scissors''': Okay, but just don't get on your high horse again. :''[Cut to them standing outside the Rat Bros' apartment while Paper rides on his high horse; Scissors knocks on the door]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' 'Sup, bros? Oh, are we tutoring too loud? :'''Paper''': Tutoring? :'''Logan''': Yeah. We tutor underprivileged kids all the time. ''[shows his brothers tutoring four children]'' Ruby, tell 'em the thesis of your report. :'''Ruby''': In a juxtaposition of the sublime and the banal, the artist's oeuvre deftly encapsulates the ephemeral nature of human experience. :''[Derf blares an air horn; the trio are baffled by what they just saw; back in their apartment…]'' :'''Scissors''': What the heck was that?! :'''Rock''': The Rat Bros aren't supposed to be better than us! They're supposed to be one-dimensional bad guys! :'''Paper''': Yeah! I refuse to live in a world where the Rat Bros are morally superior. Because then we can't judge them! And that's how I feel good about myself! :'''Scissors''': Paper, get off the horse. :'''Paper''': I can't, I need a step stool! :''[Meanwhile, in the Rat Bros' apartment…]'' :'''Logan''': ''[laughing]'' Did you see how upset they were? :'''Brogan''': Our altruistic plan is totally working! :'''Derf''': We are such jerks! :'''Rat Bros''': ''[chest bumping]'' Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! :'''Brody''': ''[confused]'' But wait… are we jerks? Tutoring these kids is really nice. Bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. :'''Logan''': Brody, don't be ridiculous. We're only doing good things to make Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel bad about themselves, which is a jerk thing to do. And remember, the two rules of being a Rat Bro. If a bro asks you to spot 'em, you gotta spot 'em. And what's number two, kids? :'''Kids''': Rat Bros are jerks because jerks are cool. :'''Logan''': And you wanna be cool, right, Brody? :'''Brody''': Of course. That's my one and only thought. :''[Zoom into his head and brain]'' :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. :'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Shower? :'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. <hr width="50%"> :''[Rat Bros' apartment; Logan is reading an article about the trio being the best guys in town and receiving all the praise]'' :'''Logan''': ''[outraged]'' Ugh! This makes me so mad! Why do we still pay for the newspaper?! ''[throws the newspaper on the ground and marches over to the weight bench]'' Brogan, spot me. I'm doing an angry set! We cannot let Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel good about themselves. We have to beat them! :'''Brody''': Wait, Logan. Are you saying… :'''Logan''': Yes, Brody. It's time for an altruistic-off! :'''Ruby''': Altruistic-off: A competition in which people or groups try to win by doing the most good for society. :'''Logan''': Uh, Ruby, you can go home. Okay. Derf, go save the whales. Brogan and I will eliminate political corruption. And Brody? Get a PhD in robotic engineering to give people without limbs the best in robotic prostheses. :'''Derf''': But, Logan, I already have a PhD in robotic engineering. :'''Logan''': Too late. I already gave out the assignments. :''[Another article shows the Rat Bros being #1 good guys and receiving more praise]'' :'''Rock''': ''[reading the article; infuriated]'' This is terrible! Newspapers are so important, and no one cares anymore! :'''Scissors''': What's the point of cleaning all this garbage off the street if we're losing?! ''[pushes the huge garbage bag out the window, and it splatters on the street, covering some people in garbage]'' :'''Paper''': We have to beat the Rat Bros, otherwise, I won't be able to judge them on my high horse! And how am I supposed to feel good about myself then, by winning horse races? ''[the horse shakes its head no]'' See? He's not into it! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Feast your eyes, Rat Bros! I have created a device that will solve the global housing crisis by spitting out a fully-built house in just ''five'' seconds! :'''Scissors''': We're gonna officially unveil it tomorrow at the Nobel Prize ceremony and beat you once and for all! :'''Rock''': Build houses! That's what we should do! :'''Paper''': See? He got there. ''[he and his friends leave with their invention]'' :'''Logan''': ''[frustrated]'' D'oh! I can't believe they're gonna beat us! They are such… good guys. :'''Brody''': Actually, I think we'll still win. :'''Logan''': What do you mean? :'''Brody''': I saw a flaw in the device's engine. If they try to use that thing, it'll explode. :'''Derf''': Yes! :'''Brogan''': Sweet! :'''Logan''': All right! :'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! :'''Brody''': ''[quietly as Logan and Brogan walk away]'' Nice, bro. :'''Derf''': ''[noticing Brody's timidity; concerned]'' Hey, are you okay? :'''Brody''': Yeah, I'm cool. ''[chuckles awkwardly]'' Cool. I'm cool! Ha-ha. Cool guy. Super cool Brody. Listen, can I tell you something? You remember how I got my PhD from Princeton, right? :'''Derf''': Yeah, in two days. Very impressive. :'''Brody''': Well, I got a job at a hospital working in robotic prosthetics. ''[Flashback begins with him putting some robotic arms on his patient: Mr. Drake]'' All right, Mr. Drake. Test them out. :'''Mr. Drake''': ''[grips his robotic arms, controlling them; surprised]'' Oh my gosh. I-I can wave! I can point! I can… ''[uses them to scratch an itch on his behind]'' Oooh, I've been waiting to scratch that for 25 years! :'''Brody''': ''[voice-over]'' But then, something weird happened. :'''Mr. Drake''': Could I… hug you? It would be the first hug I've ever given. :'''Brody''': ''[unsure]'' Um… I don't really-- :'''Mr. Drake''': ''[hugging him; sobbing happily]'' Thank you, Brody. You changed my life! :'''Brody''': ''[hugs him in return with his eyes tearing up; voice-over]'' It felt amazing! And for the first time, I had a new thought. :''[Zoom into his head and brain]'' :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. :'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Be good. :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. :'''Brody's Neuron #2''': We really should shower, though. :'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! :''[Back to the present]'' :'''Brody''': I think… I think I might be a good guy. :'''Derf''': ''[gasps in dramatic shock]'' No. Brody, no. A-are you sure? :'''Brody''': This morning, I wrote a big check to a food bank! :'''Derf''': But you know the rules… jerks are cool. Good guys are… I don't even know! :'''Brody''': Derf, I get it. But I'm thinking about that machine and… it just feels wrong to do nothing. Those homes would help so many people. :'''Derf''': Look, I know it's tough, but sometimes you gotta make hard choices in life. Do you want to foster the well-being of millions… or be cool? ''[starts to walk away]'' :'''Brody''': Hey, Derf… when you were saving the whales, were you thinking about beating Rock, Paper, and Scissors, or about how good it felt to save those whales? :'''Derf''': ''[thinking for a second]'' Get some rest, bro. ''[resumes walking away]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[The next day at the Noble Prize ceremony… while the trio are preparing to present their house-building invention, Brody sneaks into backstage to fix it, but finds Logan already there, feeling deeply betrayed by finding out about his "being good" conversation with Derf]'' :'''Brody''': ''[surprised]'' Logan! :'''Logan''': ''[disappointed]'' I knew I'd find you here. Your "nice, bro" chest bump yesterday was lackluster at best. I gotta say, I feel betrayed… like Edmond Dantès in ''The Count of Monte Cristo.'' :'''Brody''': That's a very literate reference. :'''Logan''': Ah, we covered a lot in tutoring. :'''Brody''': I'm sorry, but I can't let that device explode. :'''Logan''': Spot me. :'''Brody''': ''[having to have heard that; shocked]'' What? Here?! :'''Logan''': I wanna do a set. ''[Brody obeys and sets down the pliers]'' Why are you doing this, Brody?! :'''Brody''': The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of. :'''Logan''': Is that Blaise Pascal? :'''Brody''': We covered a lot in tutoring. <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[to Brody; irked]'' You said it wouldn't work! Ugh, whatever. We'll find another way to get Rock, Paper, and Scissors. ''[walks off]'' :'''Brody''': ''[turns to the invention; puzzled]'' But how did it not explode? :'''Derf''': ''[off-screen]'' I guess we'll never know. :'''Brody''': ''[turns to him holding the pliers, revealing '''he's''' the one who fixed it; surprised]'' Derf?! :'''Derf''': ''[hands Brody back the pliers]'' Maybe being a good guy is cool too. ''[walks off into the sunset as Brody smiles touchingly, realizing that his conversation with him changed his mind]'' :'''Paper''': ''[with his foot stuck in the saddle's stirrup]'' HELP! I'm stuck in the stirrup! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Scissors, I don't know if you know this, but we're big Lolly fans. :'''Rock''': Yeah, we're in the Lolly Army. ''[he and Paper put on Lolly ponytails]'' :'''Paper''': How did you get a date with her? :'''Scissors''': I just asked. See, most men are afraid of rejection, but not me. I'm used to rejection. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': First of all, every track is a banger. :'''Rock''': Also, this Scissors guy sounds like a jerk. :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Rock! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the TV after watching the news about him becoming the most hated man on the planet and Lolly writing an album about him from their terrible date]'' This is terrible! I gotta go down to Convenient News and tell everyone I'm not a bad guy! ''[walks down the street, passing an angry crowd, booing at him]'' I know, I know, but I'll explain everything on TV! :'''Driver''': This is for Lolly! ''[splashes water on him]'' :'''Driver #2''': This is also for Lolly! ''[splashes more water on him]'' :'''Driver #3''': ''[throws out a bucket of snakes]'' EAT SNAKES, JERK! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[returns to his apartment; bummed]'' Of all the bad days in my life, that probably broke the top 50. ''[sees his friends dancing to Lolly's album]'' :'''Paper''': By the way, I'd also recommend not going online. :'''Rock''': We wrote some really nasty stuff. :'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the music]'' Guys, this is serious! I can't even leave the house! I gotta get everyone to stop hating me. :'''Rock''': I don't know how you could do that. :'''Paper''': Yeah, Lolly's the victim here. :'''Scissors''': ''[as an idea pops into his head]'' That's it! ''That's'' how you win over the public sympathy! I just need to out-victim Lolly. <hr width="50%"> :'''Lolly''': This is ''way'' out of hand! Sure, Scissors messed up, but doesn't deserve ''this.'' And frankly, you guys are so intense sometimes it scares me. I mean, is that a mythological war hammer?! ''[Paper is shown to be holding and electrical war hammer and he and Rock sadly hang their heads down]'' So please, take it down a notch. And you don't need to do things like this for me. I'm not a god. ''[stops the meteor from hitting the Earth; voice booming] '''NO!''''' :'''Meteor''': Whatever you say, Lolly! Love the new album! ''[flies away into space]'' :''[Everyone leaves, saying sorry]'' :'''Paper''': Sorry, Lolly. :'''Lolly''': I heard your apology. I'm glad you learned your lesson. And I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have written 16-full length songs about why you were terrible. :'''Scissors''': Sixteen? I thought you only wrote ten. :'''Lolly''': No, I only released ten. I might release the other six as bonus tracks. ''[Everyone comes back, screaming excitedly]'' But I might not! :'''Everyone''': ''[disappointed]'' Aww! ''[walk away]'' :'''Lolly''': Hey, all this aside, I did still have fun with you. So maybe we could go on a second date. What do you think? :'''Scissors''': ''[thinking about it for a moment]'' Hard pass. :'''Lolly''': What? :'''Scissors''': Do you have any idea how awful you made my life? I was the most hated man on Earth. The nation of Japan publicly denounced me. And I was almost torn apart by 2,000 psychopaths in bows. So, yes, I '''''did''''' learn a lesson, but it was to never, ever date pop stars. Hard pass. ''[walks away]'' :'''Lolly''': That wasn't very nice. I should write an album about that. ===''Paper Takes the Phones / The Bedtime Story [2.07]''=== :''[Paper takes away Rock and Scissors' cellphones for confiscation, forcing them to spend quality with him in putting together a puzzle]'' :'''Rock''': Hey! :'''Scissors''': Give it back! :'''Paper''': You know, I just want us all to connect, but you're always on your phones. :'''Scissors''': Name one comedic example. ===''Scissors is a Good Boy / Paper's Family Get-Together [2.08]''=== :'''Franz''': Wait. Who is that? ''[points to Scissors, mistaking him for a dog]'' Look at you! You are such a good boy! :'''Scissors''': ''[baffled]'' Does he think I'm a dog? :'''Franz''': ''[throws a ball]'' Fetch! :'''Scissors''': I mean, I'm gonna get the ball. It's a cool ball. :'''Franz''': ''[turns to Rock]'' Rock, your dog is amazing! :'''Rock''': Uh, that's not my dog. :'''Franz''': So it's a stray? I must have it! ''[to Scissors]'' How'd you like to come live with your new doggie daddy? :'''Scissors''': Dude, I'm '''''not''''' a dog. <hr width="50%"> :'''Parchment Paper''': Paper? What's going on? And why are your friends here? :'''Scissors''': We kidnapped Paper too? :'''Rock''': Because we have beef and… Uh… Come back to me. :'''Paper''': What's going on is I don't want to go back to that table! You don't know how humiliating it is to hear about all the incredible things you do every year because I never do any myself. ''[to Sandpaper]'' You're working on big action movies, ''[to his mother]'' you're breaking national news, and I'm just Plain Paper. That's why I staged this kidnapping. Rock, Scissors, and I were fighting Dr. Big Bat over a giant strawberry we grew for the county fair, and we thought he'd make a good kidnapper. But then you got through all the bats, so I had to call a bunch of people I met over the past year. Like the ghosts we befriended when we tried to get the perfect holiday picture, the tortoises I accidentally made huge from toxic ooze and taught martial arts in the sewer, and the Hipponoids from the time I stopped their invasion and saved Earth. :'''Newspaper''': Hold on. You did all that in the last year? :'''Paper''': ''[sadly]'' Yeah, I go on a lot of silly adventures. :'''Sandpaper''': Paper, that's not silly at all. :'''Paper''': It's not? :'''Parchment Paper''': Are you kidding? Who goes on adventures like that? :'''Toilet Paper''': Yeah, that's… That's incredible! :'''Rock''': Ah, that's why I should've said. ===''Moonami 12 / Spider Court [2.09]''=== ===''Scissors, the Supervillain / Car Wash Nationals [2.10]''=== ==Season 3== ===''The Watching / Nightmares [3.01]''=== ===''Emotional Support Convertible / The Baseball [3.02]''=== ===''Rock's Half Birthday / Cherry Picking [3.03]''=== ===''The Wish / Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Paper, Scissors [3.04]''=== ===''Salmon Delivery for Ya / The Train Problem [3.05]''=== ===''Hardcore / Scissors' New Therapist [3.06]''=== ===''The Henry Winkler Episode / Paper Loves Potato [3.07]''=== ===''The Secret / Sandpaper's Workout Program [3.08]''=== ===''Paper: Renowned Researcher / Meatball [3.09]''=== ===''The Apology Soirée / Scissors' Perfect Match [3.10]''=== ==Cast== *[[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] – Scissors *[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]] – Rock *[[w:Thomas Lennon|Thomas Lennon]] – Paper *[[w:Melissa Villaseñor|Melissa Villaseñor]] – Pencil *[[w:Ray Chase (voice actor)|Ray Chase]] – The Rat Bros; Logan, Brody, Brogan / Baron Von Snootsberg *[[w:Max Mittelman|Max Mittelman]] – Derf the Rat Bro / Shoot *[[w:Eddie Pepitone|Eddie Pepitone]] – Lou Zer *[[w:Lauren Ash|Lauren Ash]] – Sandpaper / Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel *[[w:Betsy Sodaro|Betsy Sodaro]] – Potato *[[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] – The Susan *[[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] – Chad Brockchad *[[w:JP Karliak|JP Karliak]] – Convenient News Reporter *[[w:Abby Trott|Abby Trott]] – Robot Executive *Marlene Martinez – Astonishing Catalina *[[w:Alessia Cara|Alessia Cara]] – Lolly *[[w:Flula Borg|Flula Borg]] – Franz Roll *[[w:Mallory Jansen|Mallory Jansen]] – Cate Blanket *[[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] – Dr. Big Bat *Vanessa Marshall – Newspaper *[[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] – Parchment Paper *Jay Pharaoh – Toilet Paper [[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Current shows]] [[Category:Nicktoons]] [[Category:Nickelodeon shows]] 3e09ssr2xfcblwa1v363vexddz87q6t 3949348 3949346 2026-06-05T23:54:13Z ~2026-33411-58 3337046 /* The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06] */ 3949348 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)|Rock Paper Scissors]]''''' is an American animated comedy television series for Nickelodeon created by Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman. ------ ==Season 1== ===''Birthday Police / Paper's Big Lie [1.01]''=== :'''Rock''': Get ready. 'Cause we're about to go on an adventure. :'''Paper''': There will be twists. There will be turns. :'''Scissors''': But if we stick together, ''[his sunglasses shine]'' I promise… we will complete this maze for ages five and under! :'''Rock''': Let's get the cat to the cat food! :'''Paper''': Yeah! :'''Scissors''': We got this. ''[The Birthday Police Car speakers start playing a Rock and Roll version of "Happy Birthday"]'' '''Speaker''': ''[sings]'' Happy Birthday to you. '''Rock''': ''[screams]'' I love this song! '''Speaker''': ''[continues singing]'' Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to you! ''[Officer Wishowski aims the Confetti Cannon at the trio]'' '''Scissors''': Confetti Cannon! I can't see! ''[Paper coughs as the trio wipe the confetti off their bodies]'' '''Rock & Scissors''': Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they both fall to the floor]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor again]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor a third time and Paper's machine got knocked over]'' '''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' What the heck are you doing?! '''Scissors''': Trying to do a jump jump kick. '''Rock''': You know, from video games. When your second jump is in the air, then you do a really cool kick. ''[Rock and Scissors try to do it again but they fall to the floor once again]'' '''Paper''': Somehow you two are dumber together. '''Scissors''': ''[gets back up]'' Or we're smarter together. '''Rock''': ''[also gets back up]'' Got it. ''[he and Scissors try to high five each other but they slap their faces and fall to the floor the final time]'' ===''Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02]''=== :''[The trio are doing meditation poses and are interrupted by thumping sounds from the fourth floor]'' :'''Rock''': What the heck was that?! :'''Scissors & Paper''': ''[enviously]'' The Rat Bros. :''[They show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door; smugly]'' 'Sup, losers? :'''Rock''': Losers? :'''Paper''': Come on. :'''Scissors''': Man, you're cool. :'''Paper''': What is going on in there?! :'''Logan''': Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. ''[shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan and Derf, on their pogo sticks]'' We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… oh, that's right…you don't have pogo sticks. :'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. :''[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]'' :'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me. :'''Scissors''': We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool. ===''Weekend Story / Putty [1.03]''=== :'''Pencil''': Skydiving? Wow, Paper. I was just about to be your girlfriend, but not anymore, you boring turkey! ''[pulls a lever, causing Paper to eject and laughs maniacally]'' : : :'''Pencil #1''': No conflict pirates? :'''Pencil #2''': Swords as decoration? :'''Pencil #3''': You wear glasses? :'''Paper''': ''You'' wear glasses? :'''Pencil #3''': Yeah, but I wear them as well. :''[The Pencil clones all press a button together, causing Paper to eject and laugh diabolically]'' : :'''Paper''': You can run, but you can't fly! ''[laughs evilly; activating his drone]'' ===''Hide and Seek / The First Lou Episode [1.04]''=== :'''Scissors''': ''[dramatic]'' You think you can hide from me?! Well, you're wrong because I… will… seek you! ''[playfully]'' Ready or not, here I come! ''[annoyed]'' Rock, you're behind the lamp. You're really bad at this game. :''[Rock notices and sighs sadly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Paper''': Rock, I need your help to find Scissors. :'''Rock''': You have to find me first. ''[giggles]'' :'''Paper''': I mean, you're wearing camouflage against the blue wall. :'''Rock''': ''[notices]'' Okay, I'll do it. But only if I can keep playing. :'''Paper''': Sure. Go nuts. :''[Rock cartwheels back to the camouflage wall and sighs sadly]'' :'''Rock''': I am not good at this game. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The trio are knitting a friendship blanket together while singing a song when they hear a banging sound from the door]'' :'''Lou''': ''[off-screen]'' It's Lou. Let me in. :'''Scissors''': Shoot, it's the landlord! :'''Paper''': Don't answer it. I don't want to deal with that pile of garbage. :'''Rock''': Paper! He's not that bad. :'''Paper''': No, I mean, he's literally trash. :''[Rock opens the door, revealing Lou, a grumpy landlord standing in the doorway]'' :'''Rock''': Lou, can you please put on pants? :'''Lou''': Pants? What am I, rich? You'd think I work on Wall Street? Oh, look at me. I wear pants and own a sports team. Why don't I buy a Lamborghini, too, wear that around my legs? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lou''': ''[as the end credits roll]'' Look at all these Hollywood phonies. Oh, Bob. Bob pronounces it "croi-ssant." Very annoying. Kurt, he's a fancy guy! Drinks seltzer! What are you, not getting enough free air? You got to pay to drink it? And let me tell you something about Nickelodeon, and I won't let them censor this! They... ''[a card sequence reading, '''"Oops! Please stand by"''' appears]'' I hope you like this episode, 'cause now, they get a lot worse! ===''The Susan / Eyebrows [1.05]''=== :'''Scissors''': The Susan is right. :'''Rock''': The Susan is always right. :'''Paper''': Well, this is the first time The Susan has talked, remember? :'''Rock''': We're sorry. :'''Scissors''': We should have never changed you. :'''Paper''': Can you forgive us? : : : : : :'''Rock''': ''[pacing back and forth]'' What am I gonna do about this audition?! Without my eyebrows, no one'll read my emotions! :'''Paper''': You seem very calm about this. :'''Rock''': No, I'm not! I'm freaking out! :'''Paper''': I can't-uh, do you need a snack? Are you cold? Did you slam your hand in a new or possibly old car door? ''[Rock draws angry eyebrows on two notepads and puts them on his forehead]'' Oh, oh, oh, you're upset. Don't worry. I think I can help you with my robotics invention. I'll make you… a pair of… animatronic eyebrows! ===''Scissors Gets a Job [1.06]''=== :'''Rock''': You made money by faking injuries and suing people? That's terrible. :'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh, moral Rock doesn't like making his money through fraudulent lawsuits. :'''Paper''': Broke or not, you still have to pay for your pizza. Maybe it's time you stop being a bum and get a job. :'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly once again]'' Oh, judgmental Paper calls me a bum just 'cause I fit the definition of one. :'''Paper''': Why don't you ever wanna find work? Is it because you're not really good at anything? :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Hey! :'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors is good at lot of things, like, uh, sunglasses. :'''Scissors''': Forget you guys. I'll find work when I want to. :'''Paper''': Well, until you do, you ''can't'' have pizza with us. :'''Scissors''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Paper''': In fact, every time you walk through that door, Rock and I will be eating pizza until it motivates you to get a job. :'''Rock''': Awesome! :'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' Fine! You just watch. I'll have pizza money in no time. ''[bumps his leg on the table]'' Ow, my leg or- :'''Judge''': In the case of Scissors vs. Paper and his dangerous coffee table, the court rules in favor of Paper. :'''Scissors''': ''[rips the bandages off himself]'' Dang it! Alright. I'll get a job. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I've been fired from every job I've tried, and this was kind of my last option. But I guess I'll go home and tell my roommates they were right about me. I'm a loser. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[weakly and stuffed with a huge belly]'' Scissors, did you… ''[stomach grumbles while he clutches it]'' Oh. …get a job yet? :'''Rock''': ''[pushes Paper aside, also stuffed with a huge belly]'' Please say yes. :'''Scissors''': Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm hiding out in a chamomile field. :'''Paper''': Oh, of course you are. Then you leave us no choice. ''[pulls a giant pizza pie]'' We're going to eat the most decadent pizza ever created. :'''Rock''': No! :'''Paper''': The Ultimate Meat Huggers Double Stuffed Deep Dishanator with 50 pounds… of cheese. ''[Rock starts crying as he eats a slice while Scissors looks confused]'' It's so… ''[grabs his stomach while groaning as it grumbles]'' ...good. :'''Rock''': ''[whimpers as Paper eats another slice]'' Oh, there's pizza underneath the pizza! ''[he and Paper eat more slices until they fall on their sides and holding their bellies in pain]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. I know what I'm good at! ''[runs away, dropping his phone]'' :'''Paper''': Oh, Rock, he ran away. We're gonna come find you, Scissors. We just want to have… ''[his stomach gurgles; groans]'' …as much fun… Oh, no. …as we're having! :'''Rock''': No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!!!!! ===''The Arctic / Prank War [1.07]''=== :'''Paper''': Why is it so hot in here? :'''Rock''': Scissors crank the heater up so he can show off his new tank top. :'''Scissors''': Check it out! It's a monster truck with enormous biceps. It's perfect for tough guys like me. I even had them print my motto on the back. '''''"If you want the 'ceps, you do the reps."''''' :'''Paper''': You don't ''do'' the reps, and why are you in a tank top? It's winter. ''[opens the window blinds, revealing the winter sky and wind]'' You're gonna overload the heater like this. It can't handle… ''[the heater suddenly breaks down and the cold air breezes into the apartment; sighs in annoyance]'' Without me, you guys would not survive. :''[The trio stand outside of Lou's apartment]'' :'''Lou''': I'm ''raising'' the rent! :'''Rock''': Lou! :'''Paper''': Hold on! :'''Scissors''': Give us a second! :'''Paper''': Listen, our heater broke and we need you to fix it. :'''Lou''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, fancy, boys, you "set" the temperature in your apartment. You don't got to turn on a hot plate and rub it on your bum. :'''Rock''': You don't got it either. :'''Lou''': Well, I can't help you. I'm on my way to Landlord Con. It's a meetup for landlords where we talk about plumbing and famous literature. :'''Scissors''': Name one book. :'''Lou''': Fine, it's just plumbing. Anyway, I'll be back in three days. Mittens, you're the new landlord while I'm gone. :''[Mittens walks out of the doorway and meows to them as if he was saying "I'm ''raising'' the rent!"]'' :'''Rock''': Mittens! :'''Paper''': Come on! :'''Scissors''': That's so unfair! ''[as he and his friends return to their apartment]'' It'll be fine. We could survive without heat for three days. :''[They enter their apartment and shockingly find it all covered in snow and icicles]'' :'''Paper''': Well, we can go stay with my mom. :'''Rock''': New adventure! Rock, Paper, Scissors move in with Paper's mom! :'''Paper''': ''[trying to open the door, but only to find that it's quickly frozen; grunting]'' It's frozen shut! We're trapped! :'''Scissors''': By the way, fun fact about monster trucks-- they don't normally have biceps. :'''Paper''': ''[groans annoyingly]'' Well, we're off to a great start. We can't call for help because our phones are frozen. ''[to Scissors]'' You won't put on a jacket because you keep saying you "run hot." :'''Scissors''': ''[shivering; resisting the cold temperature]'' T-t-tough guys like me don't g-get cold. :'''Paper''': And Rock is not taking this seriously. <hr width="y50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[wearily while making an igloo]'' I just need to finish this igloo. That'll keep us safe. :'''Rock''': Oh, here's a good one. If you were a warm, nutritious food, what warm, nutritious food would you be? ''[igloo explodes, covering them in snow]'' Do you prefer the hot or the cold? :'''Scissors''': Fun fact about me, I actually run… :'''Paper''': ''[snapping]'' Shut up! Shut up! Ah, I hate this! I am tired of you two being incapable, and I hate always being the savior of this group! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': What'll it take to get you to join? You want money, gifts, someone to hug you and say, "Good job, son"? Wait, that's what I want. :'''Paper''': Look, pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest! :'''Scissors''': ''[to Rock]'' How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now? :'''Pencil''': ''[bursting into their apartment]'' Guys, the Rat Bros asked me to join their side in the prank war! :'''Rock''': ''[shocked] WHAT?!'' Wait, I actually don't know how to feel about this yet. Keep talking. :'''Pencil''': I'm so excited! Most people don't know this about me, but I'm a huge trickster. One time, I told a coworker something was made of polycarbonate when it was actually made of polythylmethacrylate! :'''Paper''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, you are bad. <hr width="50%"> :''[The trio are hiding behind a bush in the park, watching the Rat Bros weightlifting]'' :'''Scissors''': Okay. What's the plan, new guy? :'''Paper''': I say we sneak up and blast them with my water balloon cannon. Now, Rock! Push the button! :'''Rock''': ''[tries to push the button but the laser zaps him causing him to dance uncontrollably]'' I'm trying but I can't stop dancing! :'''Scissors''': I'll do it. ''[the laser zaps him; his body starts to inflate like a balloon and floats away]'' What is- Rock, grab me! GRAB ME! ''[holds onto the cannon]'' :'''Paper''': What the heck is going- ''[the laser zaps him; screams as his neck extends like a giraffe and his giraffe-like head falls to the ground]'' Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! :''[The Rat Bros walk up to them]'' :'''Rock''': Oh, the party won't stop! :'''Logan''': 'Sup, boys? Were you planning to blast us with your secret weapon? Well, ''we'' have a secret weapon too. :'''Pencil''': ''[popping up from a nearby bush]'' I made an atomic transmogrification laser! It can alter molecular structure in really crazy ways! Watch. ''[zaps Scissors' head, causing it to also inflate]'' :'''Scissors''': My head! My head is a balloon! ''[floats away]'' :'''Paper''': Okay, this might be a bit harder than I thought. :'''Scissors''': Sharp branch! Sharp branch! :''[Scissors' nose is poked by a branch and deflates around while the Rat Bros laugh]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[wakes up when he hears loud crashing sounds]'' Did you guys hear something? ''[his brothers wake up, also hearing the sound; they walk over to Scissors, disguised as a graffiti painting, then walk over to Rock, mistaking him for a smart device]'' Smart device, play smooth jazz. ''[Rocks plays some music, but not smooth jazz; walks over to Paper holding a sign saying: "I'm a TV"; realizing something]'' Wait a second. ''[turns back to Rock]'' That's Afro-Cuban jazz! :''[Rock smiles sheepishly]'' :'''Paper''': GRAB THE LASER! <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rat Bros have tied up the trio to chairs for sneaking into their apartment and trying to steal Pencil's transmogrification laser]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[to Brody, Brogan and Derf]'' Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just wanna say I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one. :'''Pencil''': Theft, Paper? That was your plan? You know, I expected something that basic from Scissors, and maybe Rock, 'cause I don't know much about him. :'''Rock''': We should hang out more. :'''Pencil''': We should! But come on, man, up your game. It's like, I'm Issac Newton and you're Godfried-Willem Raes. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[interrupting the Prank War award ceremony while in a mech suit]'' Stop that crowning! :'''Woman''': What? Stop the crowning? :'''Paper''': ''[walks up on the stage]'' Oh, you thought this was over? ''[snickers]'' Well, ''prank! [Scissors grabs Derf from his seat; stands on the podium]'' Ladies and gentlemen, answer me this: How can the Rat Bros accept the prank crown if the Rat Bros aren't all on this planet? ''[Derf is then strapped to a rocket]'' Yes! Do it, Scissors! Wedgie that Rat Bro into space! Look at me now, Pencil! I'm Issac Newton! I'm Issac Newton! ''[laughs maniacally, shaking the podium]'' :''[Rock, Pencil, the Rat Bros, the audience and Paper all watch as Scissors is preparing to fire the missile and send Derf off into space]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[suddenly having a change of heart]'' No. ''[deactivates the rocket and sets Derf down]'' :'''Paper''': What? :'''Scissors''': No more prank war! ''[the audience gasps]'' I just had a huge revelation. Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. :'''Paper''': Wait, that's what I said. :'''Scissors''': Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. :'''Paper''': ''[baffled]'' Is he doing my speech? :'''Scissors''': As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest! :''[The audience clap and cheer, and the Rat Bros whistle]'' :'''Rock''': Whoo! <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[kneels down to Scissors]'' Good job, son. ''[he and Scissors hug as the latter sheds tears of happiness]'' ===''Key Limes / Six Pieces of Turkey [1.08]''=== :'''Scissors''': ''[pukes in the trash can and moans]'' Oh, man. Did you see me driving back there? I was cool as a cu- ''[pukes in the trash again]'' …cumber. ===''The Other Rock Paper Scissors / The Astonishing Catalina [1.09]''=== :'''Better Rock, Paper, & Scissors''': Hello! :'''Scissors''': Oh, boy. :'''Better Rock''': Come in, come in! :'''Paper''': Huh. Your place looks similar to ours. :'''Scissors''': Although, I see you don't see have a TV. :'''Better Scissors''': Why would we need a TV? We're too entertained by our friends. :'''Rock, Paper & Scissors''': Ugh. :'''Better Rock''': Thanks for bringing these over. Funny enough, we just got some of your mail today, too. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': I don't understand. :'''Scissors''': You're smarter than us, you're nicer than us, you're at least 15 other things better than us. What's wrong with you guys?! :'''Better Scissors''': You tell us. We're always willing to grow. :''[Scissors yells in rage]'' :'''Better Paper''': Hey, you seem upset. Why don't we all go to the couch and talk about our feelings? :''[The better trio fly back to the couch]'' :'''Rock''': You fly too?! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': We can live like this. <hr width="50%"> :'''Catalina''': Why won't you let me do the trick?! :'''Scissors''': Because it makes me feel uncool! :'''Catalina''': What are you talking about? You're effortlessly cool! The only way I can feel cool is by doing magic! :'''Scissors''': I find that hard to believe, 'cause everything about you is cool! You're stylish and confident and turn horses into dragons! :'''Catalina''': But you never blink an eye! I've done so many horrible things to you and you always say you can live like this! :'''Scissors''': YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON I KNOW! :'''Catalina''': THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT ''YOU!'' ===''Pencil Comes Over / The Wind [1.10]''=== :'''Paper''': I can't believe that worked. :'''Scissors''': I know. It went exactly like I-''[pukes on the ground]'' Oh, whatever. <hr width="50%"> :'''Sandpaper''': You're the vomit boy? :'''Scissors''': That was one time and it hasn't happened si- ''[pukes on the ground again]'' Oh, why? ===''The Holiday Picture / Scrubs [1.11]''=== :'''Rock''': Guys! We got more holiday cards! :'''Paper''': ''[disappointed]'' Man, everyone looks so perfect in these photos-- Lou, the Rat Bros, even Crazy-Eyed Pirate. :'''Rock''': Who? :'''Scissors''': I don't know. We met a lot of wacky characters. It's hard to keep track. :'''Paper''': Why can't ''we'' take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went Super Saiyan. :'''Scissors''': That year was awesome! :'''Paper''': And the year Rock dressed up as some old cartoon character. :''[The last photo shows Rock in his Rocko getup from [[w:List of Rocko's Modern Life characters|Rocko's Modern Life]]]'' :'''Rock''': You didn't enjoy ''"Rocko, Paper, Scissors"?'' :'''Paper''': Eh, it was okay. :'''Scissors''': I liked that show. The main guy was always like… ''[imitating Rocko's voice]'' "Hey, mate, I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky. He-he." ''[normally]'' Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression. :'''Paper''': I just want ''one'' perfect holiday photo. <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': Wait. Where ''is'' your chain? :'''Scissors''': Oh! Toast Ghost is covering it! Aw, man! Now the caption doesn't make any sense! <hr width="50%"> :''[The trio are eating at a cafe while Paper is dressed in a medical uniform and scrubs, much to Scissors' jealousy]'' :'''Scissors''': So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes. :'''Paper''': Whatever do you mean? :'''Rock''': Guys, let's be peaceful. :'''Scissors''': I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears. :'''Paper''': Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas. :'''Scissors''': And the stethoscope? :'''Paper''': I thought it was a necklace. :'''Scissors''': Yeah? You wear necklaces now? :'''Rock''': Scissors, take a breath. :'''Scissors''': This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper! :'''Orange-haired Kid''': Wow, a real-life hero! ''[offers Paper to sign his autograph]'' How can I be a doctor one day? :'''Paper''': I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes. :'''Scissors''': That's literally all he did! :'''Rock''': Let's ask ''why'' this upsets you. :'''Scissors''': Rock, you went on one meditation retreat, you're not some wise, old sage. ''[points to Paper]'' And ''he's'' not a doctor! I bet he can't even tell you what hospital he works at! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[grumbles annoyingly]'' I'm gonna get more respect than ''you,'' Paper. And I know someone's society respects even ''more'' than doctors. ''[walks off and comes back, wearing a basketball jersey]'' :'''Paper''': What are you wearing? :'''Scissors''': A basketball jersey… Which I guess makes me a professional basketball player. :'''Paper''': Oh, please. You really think people are going to believe that you're… :'''Woman''': Ronald Jamison! <hr width="50%"> :'''Orange-haired Kid''': ''[sitting with three humanoid children pair of scissors]'' What the heck is going on? <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Come on, Paper, I'm really hurt! Just admit you're not a doctor! :'''Paper''': Only if ''you'' admit you're ''not'' Ronald Jamison! :'''Scissors''': Why don't I admit myself to the hospital…where you don't work! ===''Bowling / The Character Quiz [1.12]''=== :'''Rock''': Want to tell your problems to a rock you never met? :'''Bowling Owner''': ''[sighs]'' It's that Scissors guy. He's putting me out of business. See? At my bowling alley, a perfect score gets you a free tub of curly fries and a free game. And Scissors got so good at bowling, he hasn't paid for a game in 2 years. :'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain. :''[Scissors laughs deviously while wearing an evil mustache made of curly fries]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[to Scissors]'' Listen, Scissors. It would really help the owner if you started paying for curly fries. :'''Scissors''': Oh, naive Rock, always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting deals for all... they're... worth! ''[laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash behind him]'' Man, these deals make me a maniac. :'''Rock''': I like to believe that if you reach out your arms to others, their arms will reach back out to you. :'''Scissors''': You also believe the Earth is heart-shaped. I can't trust anything you say. :'''Rock''': Then how about this? I challenge you to a game of bowling. If I win, you have to start paying for curly fries. But if you win, you get the bowling alley. :'''Scissors''': Seriously? I mean, yeah, of course. That's a very uneven deal. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again. :'''Rock''': Don't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. ''[hands him a letter]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[reads the letter]'' '''''"Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!"''''' ''[later cut to him talking to a therapist]'' I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! ''[lightning bolts flash behind him once again]'' :'''Therapist''': And where do you think that comes from? :'''Scissors''': ''[starts crying]'' I don't know! <hr width="50%"> :''[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: "The Gang's All Here" and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]'' :'''Creepo''': I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. ''[hisses at a car that just passed him]'' I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! ''[holds up a jar of his chest hair]'' :'''Dave''': Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave. :'''Rock''': See? :'''Logan''': ''[enters the trio's apartment]'' I heard you guys got Stephernie. ''I'' got Stephernie! :'''Brody''': I got Fire Hydrant. :'''Lou''': ''[sliding in]'' I got Dave! :'''Scissors''': Sure. :'''Logan''': I see that. :'''Paper''': Me too. :'''Rock''': How? How do you see that? :'''Logan''': Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. ''[he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party. :'''Scissors''': Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive. :'''Paper''': Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too? :'''Sandpaper''': Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no. Secret's out. :'''Scissors''': ''[noticing something]'' Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is '''''not''''' a Stephernie! ''[the others gasp in shock]'' No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. ''[to Sandpaper]'' What's Stephernie's last name?! :'''Sandpaper''': Stephernie. :'''Scissors''': Good. ''[to Baron Von Snootsberg]'' Walk like Stephernie! ''[Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey]'' Good. ''[to Robot Executive]'' In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house? :'''Robot Executive''': Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party! :''[Paper sighs in relief]'' :'''Scissors''': That's exactly what she said. :'''Paper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… ''[everyone looks at him, suspiciously]'' in a Stephernie way. ''[walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]'' :'''Robot Executive''': Yes, that checks out. :'''Scissors''': Yeah, very Stephernie. :'''Rock''': ''[on the phone with Paper]'' You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior. :'''Paper''': ''[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth]'' You just said you're breaking into a TV studio! :'''Rock''': For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake! :'''Paper''': Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie. :'''Rock''': Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars. :'''Paper''': What is this show? :'''Scissors''': ''[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything]'' Not a Stephernie, huh? :'''Paper''': I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me! :'''Scissors''': ''[kneels down]'' Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana? :'''Paper''': Seriously, what is this show? <hr width="50%"> :'''Wizard''': Listen, Fire Hydrant, I'm your brother. And I don't think this man you're dating is right for you. :'''Fire Hydrant''': I can't help it. I like my men like I like my fires… Smokin'! <hr width="50%"> :'''Creepo''': Hey, pal. ''You're'' the Creepo here. Here's your popsicle stick and your chest hair. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I'm sorry, Paper. I should have never tried to dunk you in a vat of hot lava just for not identifying with the same fictional TV character. :'''Paper''': And ''I'm'' sorry that-- ''[realizes]'' actually, my thing wasn't that bad. ===''Potato / The Fart Joke Debate [1.13]''=== :'''Paper''': It's "The Paper Show"! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. ''[Logan gets up and walks away]'' The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... ''[throws some things which are deadly and screams]'' Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? ''[drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing]'' No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started. :'''Scissors''': Jacket! :'''Paper''': Can I get another word? :'''Pencil''': Circus! :'''Paper''': Can I get a fruit that's round and orange? :'''Rock''': Kumquat! :''[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]'' :'''Paper''': ''[rapping]'' When I say "Paper", you say "rules". Paper- :'''Rock, Scissors, Pencil, & Lou''': No. <hr width="50%"> :'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Eh. I just don't like fart jokes. :''[everyone gasps in horror]'' :'''Rock''': What did you say? :'''Paper''': I don't think they're funny. :''[everyone gasps again]'' :'''Scissors''': Not even Long Squeakers? :'''Pencil''': Butt Trumpets? :'''Rock''': Wet and Nasties? :'''Paper''': Ew, what? No. :'''Scissors''': ''[to Pencil and Rock]'' Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… ''are'' funny. ===''Paper's Secret Weapon / The Sled Hill [1.14]'' === :'''Paper''': ''[mumbling to himself while working]'' Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then. :'''Scissors''': Hey, Paper. What are you working on? :'''Paper''': ''[turns around with an angry face]'' I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy! :'''Rock''': Whoa. :'''Scissors''': Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it. :'''Paper''': Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! ''[karate kicks a wall and runs off]'' :'''Rock''': We might have made him a little too angry. :'''Scissors''': Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry. :'''Rock''': ''[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling]'' Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always. :''[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]'' :'''Paper''': Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Scissors, I forbid you from sledding down that hill. It's a slippery slope ''straight'' to the emergency room. Also, don't add anything I didn't say during this flashback. I'm a big stick-in-the-mud, poopy-pants, poop-poop guy. <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground]'' Scissors, are you alright? :'''Scissors''': ''[sits up]'' Oh, my arm. :'''Rock''': ''[looks at Scissors' right arm]'' Looks okay to me. ''[sees his broken left arm]'' Oh, the ''broken'' arm. :'''Scissors''': ''[whining]'' Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this. :'''Rock''': Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. ''[opens the case and springs pop out of it]'' It's also a comedy school. :'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' :'''Rock''': We gotta get Paper. :'''Scissors''': No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, "I was right" like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me? :'''Rock''': I'm with you. ''[high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing]'' Oh, right. Your arm. ===''Scissors' Catapult / Pencil and Potato [1.15]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work]'' Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. ''[he goes to the roof instead]'' However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- ''[he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully]'' I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. ''[whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster]'' Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. ''[accidentally breaks the chair]'' Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. ''[tries to push the fridge to make it fall]'' And is this fridge gonna fall? ''[straining]'' Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on! :'''Rock''': Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them? '''Future Kevin''': If you're not going to mow my lawn, I'll make ''you'' mow my lawn! '''Future Scissors''': ''[while wearing a horse costume]'' You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?<hr width="50%"> :'''Pencil''': But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home! :'''Scissors''': There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything! :'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub? :'''Rock''': Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest. :'''Paper''': Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest. : : : :'''Potato''': Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest. : : : : :'''Waitress''': I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic. :''[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]'' :'''Rock''': Oh, no. He's running out of conversation. :'''Scissors''': Quick! Feed him a line! : :'''Paper''': Uh… ''[touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger]'' Flub-Bub. : : :'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub! :'''Waitress''': ''[swoons]'' Oh, Flub-Bub. :''[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]'' :'''Scissors''': Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe. :'''Flub-Bub''': ''[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice]'' Flub-Bubby! :'''Rock''': Oh. :'''Scissors''': Right. :'''Paper''': Totally forgot about that. ===''Resolutions / Paper's Book Club [1.16]''=== :'''Scissors''': You know calculators are usually smaller than that, right? And don't run on someone shoveling in coal? :'''Paper''': Whatever, it works. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure. :'''Rock''': And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions. :'''Scissors''': But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year. :'''Rock''': You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[talking about Scissors' resolution]'' January 1st: Scissors sees a poorly-translated Foreign film called ''"Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success"''. :'''Buff Man''': I lift weight, prove I big success! :'''Paper''': The resolution is made. January 2nd: Scissors buys every piece of gym equipment he can find and a giant tub of muscle powder. ''[Scissors tries to open the lid]'' But he's not strong enough to open the lid. January 3rd: Scissors eats an entire chocolate cake, feels badly about himself, and gives up on his resolution. And that's the end of the story. Although, there was a day in mid July where Scissors remembered the resolution and had a moment of renewed resolve. But then he ate another entire chocolate cake and felt terrible about himself. :''[Scissors moans in disappointment]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs. :'''Rock''': You did what?! :''[Scissors queasily pukes in the toilet due to a bad pain in his stomach]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Ugh, I'm gonna look like a fool! Paper makes me so mad I could just flip this… ''[tries to flip over the weight bench]'' well, maybe not the weight bench, but these tinier weights! ''[tries to flip them]'' Or at least this weight bench instruction manual! ''[tries to flip the manual; groans]'' How is this possible?! ''[later sits on the floor, watching "Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success" while eating an entire chocolate cake and feeling horrible about himself… as usual]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[to Paper]'' Hey, can we talk for a second? ''[looks at the camera]'' Uh, off camera? ''[cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them]'' Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary. :'''Paper''': ''[sighs]'' Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… ''[turns to the camera]'' because I needed it for this movie! ''[laughs and leaves]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]'' :'''Rock''': There were hamsters in there? :'''Paper''': ''[to Scissors]'' How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds! :'''Scissors & Rock''': ''[both gasp; simultaneously]'' I completed my New Year's resolution! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Let's sharpen our pens! ''[sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]'' :'''Rock''': Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen ''my'' pen! ''[does the same thing like Scissors did]'' :''[Words appear reading: '''"Don't try this at home. Obviously."''']'' :'''Paper''': ''[annoyed while he facepalms]'' Doofuses. ''[suddenly gets an idea]'' Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know! <hr width="50%"> :'''News Reporter''': This just in, multiple business owners are sad today, as they've had to close from all the free things they've given away to satisfy customer complaints. And as we all know, the only people who write complaints are whiny little poops. Here's a sketch of what such poops may or may not look like. :''[A drawing sketch of Rock and Scissors is shown]'' :'''Rock''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no, we're hurting people! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[attempting to return all the free stuff]'' I'm giving it back! :'''Scissors''': ''[trying to stop him]'' You're not giving it back! :'''Paper''': ''[barges into the apartment]'' Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… ''[looks around at all the free stuff]'' have no idea what this is. :'''Rock''': Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. ''[A pink flamingo walks past them]'' I don't even know what we complained about to get that. :'''Paper''': Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's ''bad,'' because people who complain are automatically viewed as right. :'''Scissors''': See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified. :'''Rock''': Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island? <hr width="50%"> :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': Thanks for coming into the Nickelodeon offices today, Scissors. We brought you in because we received a complaint letter from, well, him. :''[Rock sits next to her and crosses his arms while glaring at Scissors, revealing he's the one who wrote the letter]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Oh, you whiny little poop. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[reading the letter] '''"Dear Nickelodeon… In your program, "Rock Paper Scissors", Scissors' behavior has been morally reprehensible."''''' :'''Scissors''': Everyone's ''so'' sensitive. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[continues reading] '''"He rarely learns lessons, and, when given the opportunity to grow, continues with awful behavior."''''' :'''Scissors''': Yeah, that's what makes me fun. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[finishes reading] '''"This is not a character who should be exposed to our children. Please do something immediately."''''' I'm sorry, but we're suspending you from the show for two weeks. :'''Scissors''': WHAT?! (Two weeks?!) Who are you even gonna get to replace me? :''[The show's intro plays with Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel as Scissors' temporary replacement and the show's title being changed to "Rock Paper Nutso"]'' :'''Nutso''': This show's about to get Nutso! ===''National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[stretching himself]'' Alright, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! ''[exits the apartment building, and is surprised to see the whole town celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]'' :'''Rock''': Happy International Rock Day! :'''Paper''': International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday. :'''Rock''': Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors. :'''Scissors''': ''[leading a marching band]'' Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': (Hello?) Is this the Committee of National Holidays? :'''Rock''': ''[turning around in his chair, revealing himself]'' You bet it is! :'''Paper''': ''[suprised]'' Rock?! ''You're'' on the committee?! :'''Rock''': Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day. :'''Raspberry Cake''': I'm cake. :'''Paper''': ''[disbelieved]'' Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please. :''[The representatives all laugh]'' :'''Rock''': Paper, we don't just ''give'' out days. :'''Pencil''': Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one. :'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here. :'''Pencil''': Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears. <hr width="50%"> :'''Potato''': That presentation was ''terrible.'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying a bunch of groceries]'' :'''Paper''': Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries? :'''Scissors''': ''[sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich]'' I would, but my hands are full. :'''Rock''': Well, just put it down. :'''Scissors''': ''[now holding a lamp]'' Now I have another thing. :'''Paper''': Scissors! :''[Scissors whistles while holding a sandwich, a lamp, and three bowling balls]'' :'''Rock''': Scissors, come on! Can you just help us ''one'' time? <hr width="50%"> :'''Nice Scissors''': Excuse me. Could I talk to you about helping? :'''Traffic Cop Scissors''': Can't you see I'm busy directing traffic? ''[makes the cars crash into each other and laughs evilly]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[A memory footage shows Young Scissors running down the school hallway, and accidentally rips his pants while crouching down to pick up a piece of paper, showing his underwear and butt crack]'' :'''Young Scissors''': Oh, no! I ripped my pants at school! ''[gets attacked by a Pterodactyl that swooped in]'' :'''Nice Scissors''': That was a bad day. ===''The Family Business / Glitter Bomb [1.18]''=== :'''Rock''': ''[covered in glitter after singing a tune while getting mail]'' What just happened? :'''Scissors''': I think someone sent you a glitter bomb. :'''Rock''': ''[getting angry]'' Do you know how difficult it is to remove glitter? Who would do this to me? ''[sadly]'' Who would do this to me?! ''[furiously]'' WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?! ''[After Rock catches Paper with a fishing pole]'' '''Paper''': No! Please! Please! '''Rock''': ''[holds up tape]'' It's folding time. '''Paper''': Forgive me! Forgive me! No! '''Rock''': ''[reveals the words on the tape saying "Gotcha"] [happy]'' Gotcha! '''Paper''': What? '''Scissors''': ''[runs up to him]'' Gotcha! Oh, man. We got you so good! '''Paper''': What the heck is going on? '''Rock''': We knew you did the glitter bomb the whole time. '''Scissors''': So we thought it'd be funny if Rock pretended to be ''enraged'' by it and go on a crazy manhunt to scare you. '''Paper''': What?! '''Scissors''': Yeah, all of us were in on it. The mailman, Chad BrockChad, all the prisoners. '''Rock''': ''[giggles]'' Pretty funny, huh, Paper? '''Paper''': Are you insane? This isn't funny at all! I thought my life was in danger! '''Scissors''': It's just a joke. '''Paper''': I've been living Alaska for eight months! I bought a house here! I- ''[stammers]'' Look. I should have never tried to be funny, but you two shouldn't have either, so no more jokes. Okay? From now on, let's just all agree that none of us are funny. '''Rock''': Yeah. I guess none of us are funny. '''Scissors''': Not a one of us. ''[the trio sadly stare one by one at the viewer]'' ===''Diapers / R.O.V.E.R. [1.19]''=== :'''Paper''': Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful. :'''Scissors''': Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation. :'''Paper''': You don't ''have'' a cool reputation. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[after throwing all the diapers into the ocean as they start absorbing]'' Oh, no! I forgot how absorbent they are! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure. :'''Scissors''': ''[sobbing]'' AND MINE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS! :'''Rock''': Yeah, we heard about that. ''[outside the apartment building, a giant diaper rolls down the street, passing by]'' It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along. :'''Scissors''': How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! ''[Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's signifying it]'' It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks cold, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… ''[Rock and Paper both sulk]'' Or Rock's. ===''Trash [1.20]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[sniffs an unpleasant smell]'' What is that smell? :'''Scissors''': ''[looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around]'' I think it's Rock. :'''Paper''': Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash? :'''Scissors''': ''[waving his hand; dismissively]'' Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it. :'''Paper''': No, do it now. :'''Scissors''': I'll do it really soon. <hr width="50%"> :'''Dian''': I'm at my breaking point, Chris. We've dealt with too much noise and agony from all these wacky Rock Paper Scissors shenanigans. ''[flashback shows multiple episodes from the past]'' The rhino stomping around when Putty was there, the meltwater dripping through when their place turned into the Arctic, last Christmas, they were 10 different ghosts, and at one point, Scissors farted into a microphone and blew out all the windows in the building. What's it going to take for us to go up there and say something? ==Season 2== ===''Franz Roll and the Lost Rainbow Pants of Atraxes the Apple Bottomed [2.01]''=== ===''Paper and Pencil Tell a Joke / Scissors' Orchestra [2.02]''=== Pencil: Paper! PAPER! I got it! Paper: Pencil, are you okay? Pencil: (snoring loudly) ===''Shoot / Rock's First Day of Work [2.03]''=== ===''Paper Attends an Elite Institution / The New Landlord [2.04]''=== :'''Scissors''': You wanna go home? :'''Paper''': Why? Because you think I can't ''handle'' 3rd grade? :'''Scissors''': No, because I do not care about this. :'''Paper''': Oh, yeah, you think I'm too stupid that I can't get ''one'' "A"? :'''Scissors''': Listen. I know I usually antagonize you in situations like this, but I'm really not invested here. Rock and I are apartment-sitting for Pencil this week, and we're gonna play with all her cool gadgets, which seems like way more fun than this… frankly sad 3rd grade development. So, do whatever you want, but again, I could not care less. :'''Paper''': Well, ''I'll'' show you, Scissors! I ''will'' get an "A", an "A-plus", with a good job sticker on top! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[holding up one of Pencil's gadgets]'' Scissors, look! Pencil has a shapeshifter! ''[activates it, turning him and Scissors into snowmen]'' :'''Rock & Scissors''': Whoa! ''[they then turn into [[w:Minecraft|Minecraft]] style]'' Whoa! :'''Paper''': Well, I bet you're ''loving'' this, Scissors! Old doofus Paper failing 3rd grade! :''[Rock and Scissors have turned into an apple and a banana]'' :'''Scissors''': Again, I do not care. :'''Paper''': And now I have a group project due at the end of the week on genetic engineering and no one will want to work with me 'cause I'm the least intelligent kid in the class! :''[Rock and Scissors have then turned into frogs]'' :'''Scissors''': Paper, we've turned ourselves into frogs. We're looking for flies. :'''Paper''': Could we just acknowledge this?! This is insane! I mean, Rock, do ''you'' know quantum mechanics? :'''Rock''': Of course! I learned it in the 3rd grade. <hr width="50%"> :'''Catalina''': I'll be back, Scissors! And next time, I'll take you down! :'''Scissors''': Not if I take you down first. :'''Catalina''': How could you?! You have the brain of an ant! :'''Scissors''': And you have the face of the dead! :'''Catalina''': I hate you so much! :'''Scissors''': I HATE YOU MORE! :''[They slowly start to kiss, but snap out of it and look away from each other, awkwardly]'' :'''Catalina''': Anyway, you're the worst. :'''Scissors''': Yeah, uh… same to you. :'''Rock''': What is happening with them?! ===''The Origami Robot / Scissors Sees An Inspirational Sports Movie [2.05]''=== :''[The trio's apartment is being decorated for the holidays and Paper and Pencil are decorating the Christmas tree together]'' :'''Paper''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' I love the holidays. It really is the best time of year. :'''Pencil''': Yeah. You get to relax, have some quiet time, and… :'''Rock''': ''[barging in with Scissors clutching his stomach in pain]'' SCISSORS ATE A PINECONE! :'''Pencil''': What?! Why?! :'''Scissors''': Rock dared me to! :'''Rock''': No, I said, "Don't do that!" :'''Scissors''': Which I took as a dare! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': I'm with Paper. This really is the best time of year. :'''Paper''': It is. And I'm glad everything worked out. :'''Pencil''': Although I do feel bad the robot didn't remove the pinecone. :''[Zoom out to reveal Scissors laying flat on the floor with the pine tree growing out of his buttocks, which Paper and Pencil were decorating]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' Not as bad as I do. <hr width="50%"> :''[Scissors is watching an inspirational sports movie when Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying groceries]'' :'''Paper''': Oh, shoot! He's watching an inspirational sports movie! :'''Rock''': Every time he sees one of those, he thinks ''he'' can do that stuff! :'''Paper''': Turn it off! TURN IT OFF! :'''Rock''': ''[searching everywhere for the remote]'' I can't! Where's the remote?! :'''Crowd''': ''[chanting on TV]'' Scrudy! Scrudy! :'''Paper''': I DON'T KNOW! JUST RIP THE CORD OUT OF THE WALL! :'''Rock''': Which one?! THERE ARE SO MANY CORDS! ===''The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06]''=== :''[While watching Rock playing a Fantasy House video game, the trio hear the Rat Bros laughing and cheering from above the fourth floor]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Are the Rat Bros having another party? :'''Rock''': They are such jerks! :'''Paper''': Let's go up there and tell them to start being respectable members of society. :'''Scissors''': Okay, but just don't get on your high horse again. :''[Cut to them standing outside the Rat Bros' apartment while Paper rides on his high horse; Scissors knocks on the door]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' 'Sup, bros? Oh, are we tutoring too loud? :'''Paper''': Tutoring? :'''Logan''': Yeah. We tutor underprivileged kids all the time. ''[shows his brothers tutoring four children]'' Ruby, tell 'em the thesis of your report. :'''Ruby''': In a juxtaposition of the sublime and the banal, the artist's oeuvre deftly encapsulates the ephemeral nature of human experience. :''[Derf blares an air horn; the trio are baffled by what they just saw; back in their apartment…]'' :'''Scissors''': What the heck was that?! :'''Rock''': The Rat Bros aren't supposed to be better than us! They're supposed to be one-dimensional bad guys! :'''Paper''': Yeah! I refuse to live in a world where the Rat Bros are morally superior. Because then we can't judge them! And that's how I feel good about myself! :'''Scissors''': Paper, get off the horse. :'''Paper''': I can't, I need a step stool! :''[Meanwhile, in the Rat Bros' apartment…]'' :'''Logan''': ''[laughing]'' Did you see how upset they were? :'''Brogan''': Our altruistic plan is totally working! :'''Derf''': We are such jerks! :'''Rat Bros''': ''[chest bumping]'' Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! :'''Brody''': ''[confused]'' But wait… are we jerks? Tutoring these kids is really nice. Bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. :'''Logan''': Brody, don't be ridiculous. We're only doing good things to make Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel bad about themselves, which is a jerk thing to do. And remember, the two rules of being a Rat Bro. If a bro asks you to spot 'em, you gotta spot 'em. And what's number two, kids? :'''Kids''': Rat Bros are jerks because jerks are cool. :'''Logan''': And you wanna be cool, right, Brody? :'''Brody''': Of course. That's my one and only thought. :''[Zoom into his head and brain]'' :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. :'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Shower? :'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. <hr width="50%"> :''[Rat Bros' apartment; Logan is reading an article about the trio being the best guys in town and receiving all the praise]'' :'''Logan''': ''[outraged]'' Ugh! This makes me so mad! Why do we still pay for the newspaper?! ''[throws the newspaper on the ground and marches over to the weight bench]'' Brogan, spot me. I'm doing an angry set! We cannot let Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel good about themselves. We have to beat them! :'''Brody''': Wait, Logan. Are you saying… :'''Logan''': Yes, Brody. It's time for an altruistic-off! :'''Ruby''': Altruistic-off: A competition in which people or groups try to win by doing the most good for society. :'''Logan''': Uh, Ruby, you can go home. Okay. Derf, go save the whales. Brogan and I will eliminate political corruption. And Brody? Get a PhD in robotic engineering to give people without limbs the best in robotic prostheses. :'''Derf''': But, Logan, I already have a PhD in robotic engineering. :'''Logan''': Too late. I already gave out the assignments. :''[Another article shows the Rat Bros being #1 good guys and receiving more praise]'' :'''Rock''': ''[reading the article; infuriated]'' This is terrible! Newspapers are so important, and no one cares anymore! :'''Scissors''': What's the point of cleaning all this garbage off the street if we're losing?! ''[pushes the huge garbage bag out the window, and it splatters on the street, covering some people in garbage]'' :'''Paper''': We have to beat the Rat Bros, otherwise, I won't be able to judge them on my high horse! And how am I supposed to feel good about myself then, by winning horse races? ''[the horse shakes its head no]'' See? He's not into it! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Feast your eyes, Rat Bros! I have created a device that will solve the global housing crisis by spitting out a fully-built house in just ''five'' seconds! :'''Scissors''': We're gonna officially unveil it tomorrow at the Nobel Prize ceremony and beat you once and for all! :'''Rock''': Build houses! That's what we should do! :'''Paper''': See? He got there. ''[he and his friends leave with their invention]'' :'''Logan''': ''[frustrated]'' D'oh! I can't believe they're gonna beat us! They are such… good guys. :'''Brody''': Actually, I think we'll still win. :'''Logan''': What do you mean? :'''Brody''': I saw a flaw in the device's engine. If they try to use that thing, it'll explode. :'''Derf''': Yes! :'''Brogan''': Sweet! :'''Logan''': All right! :'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! :'''Brody''': ''[quietly as Logan and Brogan walk away]'' Nice, bro. :'''Derf''': ''[noticing Brody's timidity; concerned]'' Hey, are you okay? :'''Brody''': Yeah, I'm cool. ''[chuckles awkwardly]'' Cool. I'm cool! Ha-ha. Cool guy. Super cool Brody. Listen, can I tell you something? You remember how I got my PhD from Princeton, right? :'''Derf''': Yeah, in two days. Very impressive. :'''Brody''': Well, I got a job at a hospital working in robotic prosthetics. ''[Flashback begins with him putting some robotic arms on his patient: Mr. Drake]'' All right, Mr. Drake. Test them out. :'''Mr. Drake''': ''[grips his robotic arms, controlling them; surprised]'' Oh my gosh. I-I can wave! I can point! I can… ''[uses them to scratch an itch on his behind]'' Oooh, I've been waiting to scratch that for 25 years! :'''Brody''': ''[voice-over]'' But then, something weird happened. :'''Mr. Drake''': Could I… hug you? It would be the first hug I've ever given. :'''Brody''': ''[unsure]'' Um… I don't really-- :'''Mr. Drake''': ''[hugging him; sobbing happily]'' Thank you, Brody. You changed my life! :'''Brody''': ''[hugs him in return with his eyes tearing up; voice-over]'' It felt amazing! And for the first time, I had a new thought. :''[Zoom into his head and brain]'' :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. :'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Be good. :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. :'''Brody's Neuron #2''': We really should shower, though. :'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! :''[Back to the present]'' :'''Brody''': I think… I think I might be a good guy. :'''Derf''': ''[gasps in dramatic shock]'' No. Brody, no. A-are you sure? :'''Brody''': This morning, I wrote a big check to a food bank! :'''Derf''': But you know the rules… jerks are cool. Good guys are… I don't even know! :'''Brody''': Derf, I get it. But I'm thinking about that machine and… it just feels wrong to do nothing. Those homes would help so many people. :'''Derf''': Look, I know it's tough, but sometimes you gotta make hard choices in life. Do you want to foster the well-being of millions… or be cool? ''[starts to walk away]'' :'''Brody''': Hey, Derf… when you were saving the whales, were you thinking about beating Rock, Paper, and Scissors, or about how good it felt to save those whales? :'''Derf''': ''[thinking for a second]'' Get some rest, bro. ''[resumes walking away]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Next day at the Noble Prize ceremony… while the trio are preparing to present their house-building invention, Brody sneaks into backstage to fix it, and finds that Logan was already there, feeling deeply betrayed by finding out about his "being good" conversation with Derf]'' :'''Brody''': ''[surprised]'' Logan! :'''Logan''': ''[disappointed]'' I knew I'd find you here. Your "nice, bro" chest bump yesterday was lackluster at best. I gotta say, I feel betrayed… like Edmond Dantès in ''The Count of Monte Cristo.'' :'''Brody''': That's a very literate reference. :'''Logan''': Ah, we covered a lot in tutoring. :'''Brody''': I'm sorry, but I can't let that device explode. :'''Logan''': Spot me. :'''Brody''': ''[having to have heard that; shocked]'' What? Here?! :'''Logan''': I wanna do a set. ''[Brody obeys and sets down the pliers]'' Why are you doing this, Brody?! :'''Brody''': The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of. :'''Logan''': Is that Blaise Pascal? :'''Brody''': We covered a lot in tutoring. <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[to Brody; irked]'' You said it wouldn't work! Ugh, whatever. We'll find another way to get Rock, Paper, and Scissors. ''[walks off]'' :'''Brody''': ''[turns to the invention; puzzled]'' But how did it not explode? :'''Derf''': ''[off-screen]'' I guess we'll never know. :'''Brody''': ''[turns to him holding the pliers, revealing '''he's''' the one who fixed it; surprised]'' Derf?! :'''Derf''': ''[hands Brody back the pliers]'' Maybe being a good guy is cool too. ''[walks off into the sunset as Brody smiles touchingly, realizing that his conversation with him changed his mind]'' :'''Paper''': ''[with his foot stuck in the saddle's stirrup]'' HELP! I'm stuck in the stirrup! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Scissors, I don't know if you know this, but we're big Lolly fans. :'''Rock''': Yeah, we're in the Lolly Army. ''[he and Paper put on Lolly ponytails]'' :'''Paper''': How did you get a date with her? :'''Scissors''': I just asked. See, most men are afraid of rejection, but not me. I'm used to rejection. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': First of all, every track is a banger. :'''Rock''': Also, this Scissors guy sounds like a jerk. :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Rock! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the TV after watching the news about him becoming the most hated man on the planet and Lolly writing an album about him from their terrible date]'' This is terrible! I gotta go down to Convenient News and tell everyone I'm not a bad guy! ''[walks down the street, passing an angry crowd, booing at him]'' I know, I know, but I'll explain everything on TV! :'''Driver''': This is for Lolly! ''[splashes water on him]'' :'''Driver #2''': This is also for Lolly! ''[splashes more water on him]'' :'''Driver #3''': ''[throws out a bucket of snakes]'' EAT SNAKES, JERK! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[returns to his apartment; bummed]'' Of all the bad days in my life, that probably broke the top 50. ''[sees his friends dancing to Lolly's album]'' :'''Paper''': By the way, I'd also recommend not going online. :'''Rock''': We wrote some really nasty stuff. :'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the music]'' Guys, this is serious! I can't even leave the house! I gotta get everyone to stop hating me. :'''Rock''': I don't know how you could do that. :'''Paper''': Yeah, Lolly's the victim here. :'''Scissors''': ''[as an idea pops into his head]'' That's it! ''That's'' how you win over the public sympathy! I just need to out-victim Lolly. <hr width="50%"> :'''Lolly''': This is ''way'' out of hand! Sure, Scissors messed up, but doesn't deserve ''this.'' And frankly, you guys are so intense sometimes it scares me. I mean, is that a mythological war hammer?! ''[Paper is shown to be holding and electrical war hammer and he and Rock sadly hang their heads down]'' So please, take it down a notch. And you don't need to do things like this for me. I'm not a god. ''[stops the meteor from hitting the Earth; voice booming] '''NO!''''' :'''Meteor''': Whatever you say, Lolly! Love the new album! ''[flies away into space]'' :''[Everyone leaves, saying sorry]'' :'''Paper''': Sorry, Lolly. :'''Lolly''': I heard your apology. I'm glad you learned your lesson. And I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have written 16-full length songs about why you were terrible. :'''Scissors''': Sixteen? I thought you only wrote ten. :'''Lolly''': No, I only released ten. I might release the other six as bonus tracks. ''[Everyone comes back, screaming excitedly]'' But I might not! :'''Everyone''': ''[disappointed]'' Aww! ''[walk away]'' :'''Lolly''': Hey, all this aside, I did still have fun with you. So maybe we could go on a second date. What do you think? :'''Scissors''': ''[thinking about it for a moment]'' Hard pass. :'''Lolly''': What? :'''Scissors''': Do you have any idea how awful you made my life? I was the most hated man on Earth. The nation of Japan publicly denounced me. And I was almost torn apart by 2,000 psychopaths in bows. So, yes, I '''''did''''' learn a lesson, but it was to never, ever date pop stars. Hard pass. ''[walks away]'' :'''Lolly''': That wasn't very nice. I should write an album about that. ===''Paper Takes the Phones / The Bedtime Story [2.07]''=== :''[Paper takes away Rock and Scissors' cellphones for confiscation, forcing them to spend quality with him in putting together a puzzle]'' :'''Rock''': Hey! :'''Scissors''': Give it back! :'''Paper''': You know, I just want us all to connect, but you're always on your phones. :'''Scissors''': Name one comedic example. ===''Scissors is a Good Boy / Paper's Family Get-Together [2.08]''=== :'''Franz''': Wait. Who is that? ''[points to Scissors, mistaking him for a dog]'' Look at you! You are such a good boy! :'''Scissors''': ''[baffled]'' Does he think I'm a dog? :'''Franz''': ''[throws a ball]'' Fetch! :'''Scissors''': I mean, I'm gonna get the ball. It's a cool ball. :'''Franz''': ''[turns to Rock]'' Rock, your dog is amazing! :'''Rock''': Uh, that's not my dog. :'''Franz''': So it's a stray? I must have it! ''[to Scissors]'' How'd you like to come live with your new doggie daddy? :'''Scissors''': Dude, I'm '''''not''''' a dog. <hr width="50%"> :'''Parchment Paper''': Paper? What's going on? And why are your friends here? :'''Scissors''': We kidnapped Paper too? :'''Rock''': Because we have beef and… Uh… Come back to me. :'''Paper''': What's going on is I don't want to go back to that table! You don't know how humiliating it is to hear about all the incredible things you do every year because I never do any myself. ''[to Sandpaper]'' You're working on big action movies, ''[to his mother]'' you're breaking national news, and I'm just Plain Paper. That's why I staged this kidnapping. Rock, Scissors, and I were fighting Dr. Big Bat over a giant strawberry we grew for the county fair, and we thought he'd make a good kidnapper. But then you got through all the bats, so I had to call a bunch of people I met over the past year. Like the ghosts we befriended when we tried to get the perfect holiday picture, the tortoises I accidentally made huge from toxic ooze and taught martial arts in the sewer, and the Hipponoids from the time I stopped their invasion and saved Earth. :'''Newspaper''': Hold on. You did all that in the last year? :'''Paper''': ''[sadly]'' Yeah, I go on a lot of silly adventures. :'''Sandpaper''': Paper, that's not silly at all. :'''Paper''': It's not? :'''Parchment Paper''': Are you kidding? Who goes on adventures like that? :'''Toilet Paper''': Yeah, that's… That's incredible! :'''Rock''': Ah, that's why I should've said. ===''Moonami 12 / Spider Court [2.09]''=== ===''Scissors, the Supervillain / Car Wash Nationals [2.10]''=== ==Season 3== ===''The Watching / Nightmares [3.01]''=== ===''Emotional Support Convertible / The Baseball [3.02]''=== ===''Rock's Half Birthday / Cherry Picking [3.03]''=== ===''The Wish / Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Paper, Scissors [3.04]''=== ===''Salmon Delivery for Ya / The Train Problem [3.05]''=== ===''Hardcore / Scissors' New Therapist [3.06]''=== ===''The Henry Winkler Episode / Paper Loves Potato [3.07]''=== ===''The Secret / Sandpaper's Workout Program [3.08]''=== ===''Paper: Renowned Researcher / Meatball [3.09]''=== ===''The Apology Soirée / Scissors' Perfect Match [3.10]''=== ==Cast== *[[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] – Scissors *[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]] – Rock *[[w:Thomas Lennon|Thomas Lennon]] – Paper *[[w:Melissa Villaseñor|Melissa Villaseñor]] – Pencil *[[w:Ray Chase (voice actor)|Ray Chase]] – The Rat Bros; Logan, Brody, Brogan / Baron Von Snootsberg *[[w:Max Mittelman|Max Mittelman]] – Derf the Rat Bro / Shoot *[[w:Eddie Pepitone|Eddie Pepitone]] – Lou Zer *[[w:Lauren Ash|Lauren Ash]] – Sandpaper / Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel *[[w:Betsy Sodaro|Betsy Sodaro]] – Potato *[[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] – The Susan *[[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] – Chad Brockchad *[[w:JP Karliak|JP Karliak]] – Convenient News Reporter *[[w:Abby Trott|Abby Trott]] – Robot Executive *Marlene Martinez – Astonishing Catalina *[[w:Alessia Cara|Alessia Cara]] – Lolly *[[w:Flula Borg|Flula Borg]] – Franz Roll *[[w:Mallory Jansen|Mallory Jansen]] – Cate Blanket *[[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] – Dr. Big Bat *Vanessa Marshall – Newspaper *[[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] – Parchment Paper *Jay Pharaoh – Toilet Paper [[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Current shows]] [[Category:Nicktoons]] [[Category:Nickelodeon shows]] 4syqtvcoka4ojgu9xbqgwjh0b3bc4r6 3949349 3949348 2026-06-05T23:57:23Z ~2026-33411-58 3337046 /* The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06] */ 3949349 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)|Rock Paper Scissors]]''''' is an American animated comedy television series for Nickelodeon created by Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman. ------ ==Season 1== ===''Birthday Police / Paper's Big Lie [1.01]''=== :'''Rock''': Get ready. 'Cause we're about to go on an adventure. :'''Paper''': There will be twists. There will be turns. :'''Scissors''': But if we stick together, ''[his sunglasses shine]'' I promise… we will complete this maze for ages five and under! :'''Rock''': Let's get the cat to the cat food! :'''Paper''': Yeah! :'''Scissors''': We got this. ''[The Birthday Police Car speakers start playing a Rock and Roll version of "Happy Birthday"]'' '''Speaker''': ''[sings]'' Happy Birthday to you. '''Rock''': ''[screams]'' I love this song! '''Speaker''': ''[continues singing]'' Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to you! ''[Officer Wishowski aims the Confetti Cannon at the trio]'' '''Scissors''': Confetti Cannon! I can't see! ''[Paper coughs as the trio wipe the confetti off their bodies]'' '''Rock & Scissors''': Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they both fall to the floor]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor again]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor a third time and Paper's machine got knocked over]'' '''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' What the heck are you doing?! '''Scissors''': Trying to do a jump jump kick. '''Rock''': You know, from video games. When your second jump is in the air, then you do a really cool kick. ''[Rock and Scissors try to do it again but they fall to the floor once again]'' '''Paper''': Somehow you two are dumber together. '''Scissors''': ''[gets back up]'' Or we're smarter together. '''Rock''': ''[also gets back up]'' Got it. ''[he and Scissors try to high five each other but they slap their faces and fall to the floor the final time]'' ===''Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02]''=== :''[The trio are doing meditation poses and are interrupted by thumping sounds from the fourth floor]'' :'''Rock''': What the heck was that?! :'''Scissors & Paper''': ''[enviously]'' The Rat Bros. :''[They show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door; smugly]'' 'Sup, losers? :'''Rock''': Losers? :'''Paper''': Come on. :'''Scissors''': Man, you're cool. :'''Paper''': What is going on in there?! :'''Logan''': Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. ''[shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan and Derf, on their pogo sticks]'' We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… oh, that's right…you don't have pogo sticks. :'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. :''[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]'' :'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me. :'''Scissors''': We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool. ===''Weekend Story / Putty [1.03]''=== :'''Pencil''': Skydiving? Wow, Paper. I was just about to be your girlfriend, but not anymore, you boring turkey! ''[pulls a lever, causing Paper to eject and laughs maniacally]'' : : :'''Pencil #1''': No conflict pirates? :'''Pencil #2''': Swords as decoration? :'''Pencil #3''': You wear glasses? :'''Paper''': ''You'' wear glasses? :'''Pencil #3''': Yeah, but I wear them as well. :''[The Pencil clones all press a button together, causing Paper to eject and laugh diabolically]'' : :'''Paper''': You can run, but you can't fly! ''[laughs evilly; activating his drone]'' ===''Hide and Seek / The First Lou Episode [1.04]''=== :'''Scissors''': ''[dramatic]'' You think you can hide from me?! Well, you're wrong because I… will… seek you! ''[playfully]'' Ready or not, here I come! ''[annoyed]'' Rock, you're behind the lamp. You're really bad at this game. :''[Rock notices and sighs sadly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Paper''': Rock, I need your help to find Scissors. :'''Rock''': You have to find me first. ''[giggles]'' :'''Paper''': I mean, you're wearing camouflage against the blue wall. :'''Rock''': ''[notices]'' Okay, I'll do it. But only if I can keep playing. :'''Paper''': Sure. Go nuts. :''[Rock cartwheels back to the camouflage wall and sighs sadly]'' :'''Rock''': I am not good at this game. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The trio are knitting a friendship blanket together while singing a song when they hear a banging sound from the door]'' :'''Lou''': ''[off-screen]'' It's Lou. Let me in. :'''Scissors''': Shoot, it's the landlord! :'''Paper''': Don't answer it. I don't want to deal with that pile of garbage. :'''Rock''': Paper! He's not that bad. :'''Paper''': No, I mean, he's literally trash. :''[Rock opens the door, revealing Lou, a grumpy landlord standing in the doorway]'' :'''Rock''': Lou, can you please put on pants? :'''Lou''': Pants? What am I, rich? You'd think I work on Wall Street? Oh, look at me. I wear pants and own a sports team. Why don't I buy a Lamborghini, too, wear that around my legs? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lou''': ''[as the end credits roll]'' Look at all these Hollywood phonies. Oh, Bob. Bob pronounces it "croi-ssant." Very annoying. Kurt, he's a fancy guy! Drinks seltzer! What are you, not getting enough free air? You got to pay to drink it? And let me tell you something about Nickelodeon, and I won't let them censor this! They... ''[a card sequence reading, '''"Oops! Please stand by"''' appears]'' I hope you like this episode, 'cause now, they get a lot worse! ===''The Susan / Eyebrows [1.05]''=== :'''Scissors''': The Susan is right. :'''Rock''': The Susan is always right. :'''Paper''': Well, this is the first time The Susan has talked, remember? :'''Rock''': We're sorry. :'''Scissors''': We should have never changed you. :'''Paper''': Can you forgive us? : : : : : :'''Rock''': ''[pacing back and forth]'' What am I gonna do about this audition?! Without my eyebrows, no one'll read my emotions! :'''Paper''': You seem very calm about this. :'''Rock''': No, I'm not! I'm freaking out! :'''Paper''': I can't-uh, do you need a snack? Are you cold? Did you slam your hand in a new or possibly old car door? ''[Rock draws angry eyebrows on two notepads and puts them on his forehead]'' Oh, oh, oh, you're upset. Don't worry. I think I can help you with my robotics invention. I'll make you… a pair of… animatronic eyebrows! ===''Scissors Gets a Job [1.06]''=== :'''Rock''': You made money by faking injuries and suing people? That's terrible. :'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh, moral Rock doesn't like making his money through fraudulent lawsuits. :'''Paper''': Broke or not, you still have to pay for your pizza. Maybe it's time you stop being a bum and get a job. :'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly once again]'' Oh, judgmental Paper calls me a bum just 'cause I fit the definition of one. :'''Paper''': Why don't you ever wanna find work? Is it because you're not really good at anything? :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Hey! :'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors is good at lot of things, like, uh, sunglasses. :'''Scissors''': Forget you guys. I'll find work when I want to. :'''Paper''': Well, until you do, you ''can't'' have pizza with us. :'''Scissors''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Paper''': In fact, every time you walk through that door, Rock and I will be eating pizza until it motivates you to get a job. :'''Rock''': Awesome! :'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' Fine! You just watch. I'll have pizza money in no time. ''[bumps his leg on the table]'' Ow, my leg or- :'''Judge''': In the case of Scissors vs. Paper and his dangerous coffee table, the court rules in favor of Paper. :'''Scissors''': ''[rips the bandages off himself]'' Dang it! Alright. I'll get a job. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I've been fired from every job I've tried, and this was kind of my last option. But I guess I'll go home and tell my roommates they were right about me. I'm a loser. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[weakly and stuffed with a huge belly]'' Scissors, did you… ''[stomach grumbles while he clutches it]'' Oh. …get a job yet? :'''Rock''': ''[pushes Paper aside, also stuffed with a huge belly]'' Please say yes. :'''Scissors''': Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm hiding out in a chamomile field. :'''Paper''': Oh, of course you are. Then you leave us no choice. ''[pulls a giant pizza pie]'' We're going to eat the most decadent pizza ever created. :'''Rock''': No! :'''Paper''': The Ultimate Meat Huggers Double Stuffed Deep Dishanator with 50 pounds… of cheese. ''[Rock starts crying as he eats a slice while Scissors looks confused]'' It's so… ''[grabs his stomach while groaning as it grumbles]'' ...good. :'''Rock''': ''[whimpers as Paper eats another slice]'' Oh, there's pizza underneath the pizza! ''[he and Paper eat more slices until they fall on their sides and holding their bellies in pain]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. I know what I'm good at! ''[runs away, dropping his phone]'' :'''Paper''': Oh, Rock, he ran away. We're gonna come find you, Scissors. We just want to have… ''[his stomach gurgles; groans]'' …as much fun… Oh, no. …as we're having! :'''Rock''': No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!!!!! ===''The Arctic / Prank War [1.07]''=== :'''Paper''': Why is it so hot in here? :'''Rock''': Scissors crank the heater up so he can show off his new tank top. :'''Scissors''': Check it out! It's a monster truck with enormous biceps. It's perfect for tough guys like me. I even had them print my motto on the back. '''''"If you want the 'ceps, you do the reps."''''' :'''Paper''': You don't ''do'' the reps, and why are you in a tank top? It's winter. ''[opens the window blinds, revealing the winter sky and wind]'' You're gonna overload the heater like this. It can't handle… ''[the heater suddenly breaks down and the cold air breezes into the apartment; sighs in annoyance]'' Without me, you guys would not survive. :''[The trio stand outside of Lou's apartment]'' :'''Lou''': I'm ''raising'' the rent! :'''Rock''': Lou! :'''Paper''': Hold on! :'''Scissors''': Give us a second! :'''Paper''': Listen, our heater broke and we need you to fix it. :'''Lou''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, fancy, boys, you "set" the temperature in your apartment. You don't got to turn on a hot plate and rub it on your bum. :'''Rock''': You don't got it either. :'''Lou''': Well, I can't help you. I'm on my way to Landlord Con. It's a meetup for landlords where we talk about plumbing and famous literature. :'''Scissors''': Name one book. :'''Lou''': Fine, it's just plumbing. Anyway, I'll be back in three days. Mittens, you're the new landlord while I'm gone. :''[Mittens walks out of the doorway and meows to them as if he was saying "I'm ''raising'' the rent!"]'' :'''Rock''': Mittens! :'''Paper''': Come on! :'''Scissors''': That's so unfair! ''[as he and his friends return to their apartment]'' It'll be fine. We could survive without heat for three days. :''[They enter their apartment and shockingly find it all covered in snow and icicles]'' :'''Paper''': Well, we can go stay with my mom. :'''Rock''': New adventure! Rock, Paper, Scissors move in with Paper's mom! :'''Paper''': ''[trying to open the door, but only to find that it's quickly frozen; grunting]'' It's frozen shut! We're trapped! :'''Scissors''': By the way, fun fact about monster trucks-- they don't normally have biceps. :'''Paper''': ''[groans annoyingly]'' Well, we're off to a great start. We can't call for help because our phones are frozen. ''[to Scissors]'' You won't put on a jacket because you keep saying you "run hot." :'''Scissors''': ''[shivering; resisting the cold temperature]'' T-t-tough guys like me don't g-get cold. :'''Paper''': And Rock is not taking this seriously. <hr width="y50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[wearily while making an igloo]'' I just need to finish this igloo. That'll keep us safe. :'''Rock''': Oh, here's a good one. If you were a warm, nutritious food, what warm, nutritious food would you be? ''[igloo explodes, covering them in snow]'' Do you prefer the hot or the cold? :'''Scissors''': Fun fact about me, I actually run… :'''Paper''': ''[snapping]'' Shut up! Shut up! Ah, I hate this! I am tired of you two being incapable, and I hate always being the savior of this group! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': What'll it take to get you to join? You want money, gifts, someone to hug you and say, "Good job, son"? Wait, that's what I want. :'''Paper''': Look, pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest! :'''Scissors''': ''[to Rock]'' How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now? :'''Pencil''': ''[bursting into their apartment]'' Guys, the Rat Bros asked me to join their side in the prank war! :'''Rock''': ''[shocked] WHAT?!'' Wait, I actually don't know how to feel about this yet. Keep talking. :'''Pencil''': I'm so excited! Most people don't know this about me, but I'm a huge trickster. One time, I told a coworker something was made of polycarbonate when it was actually made of polythylmethacrylate! :'''Paper''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, you are bad. <hr width="50%"> :''[The trio are hiding behind a bush in the park, watching the Rat Bros weightlifting]'' :'''Scissors''': Okay. What's the plan, new guy? :'''Paper''': I say we sneak up and blast them with my water balloon cannon. Now, Rock! Push the button! :'''Rock''': ''[tries to push the button but the laser zaps him causing him to dance uncontrollably]'' I'm trying but I can't stop dancing! :'''Scissors''': I'll do it. ''[the laser zaps him; his body starts to inflate like a balloon and floats away]'' What is- Rock, grab me! GRAB ME! ''[holds onto the cannon]'' :'''Paper''': What the heck is going- ''[the laser zaps him; screams as his neck extends like a giraffe and his giraffe-like head falls to the ground]'' Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! :''[The Rat Bros walk up to them]'' :'''Rock''': Oh, the party won't stop! :'''Logan''': 'Sup, boys? Were you planning to blast us with your secret weapon? Well, ''we'' have a secret weapon too. :'''Pencil''': ''[popping up from a nearby bush]'' I made an atomic transmogrification laser! It can alter molecular structure in really crazy ways! Watch. ''[zaps Scissors' head, causing it to also inflate]'' :'''Scissors''': My head! My head is a balloon! ''[floats away]'' :'''Paper''': Okay, this might be a bit harder than I thought. :'''Scissors''': Sharp branch! Sharp branch! :''[Scissors' nose is poked by a branch and deflates around while the Rat Bros laugh]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[wakes up when he hears loud crashing sounds]'' Did you guys hear something? ''[his brothers wake up, also hearing the sound; they walk over to Scissors, disguised as a graffiti painting, then walk over to Rock, mistaking him for a smart device]'' Smart device, play smooth jazz. ''[Rocks plays some music, but not smooth jazz; walks over to Paper holding a sign saying: "I'm a TV"; realizing something]'' Wait a second. ''[turns back to Rock]'' That's Afro-Cuban jazz! :''[Rock smiles sheepishly]'' :'''Paper''': GRAB THE LASER! <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rat Bros have tied up the trio to chairs for sneaking into their apartment and trying to steal Pencil's transmogrification laser]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[to Brody, Brogan and Derf]'' Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just wanna say I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one. :'''Pencil''': Theft, Paper? That was your plan? You know, I expected something that basic from Scissors, and maybe Rock, 'cause I don't know much about him. :'''Rock''': We should hang out more. :'''Pencil''': We should! But come on, man, up your game. It's like, I'm Issac Newton and you're Godfried-Willem Raes. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[interrupting the Prank War award ceremony while in a mech suit]'' Stop that crowning! :'''Woman''': What? Stop the crowning? :'''Paper''': ''[walks up on the stage]'' Oh, you thought this was over? ''[snickers]'' Well, ''prank! [Scissors grabs Derf from his seat; stands on the podium]'' Ladies and gentlemen, answer me this: How can the Rat Bros accept the prank crown if the Rat Bros aren't all on this planet? ''[Derf is then strapped to a rocket]'' Yes! Do it, Scissors! Wedgie that Rat Bro into space! Look at me now, Pencil! I'm Issac Newton! I'm Issac Newton! ''[laughs maniacally, shaking the podium]'' :''[Rock, Pencil, the Rat Bros, the audience and Paper all watch as Scissors is preparing to fire the missile and send Derf off into space]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[suddenly having a change of heart]'' No. ''[deactivates the rocket and sets Derf down]'' :'''Paper''': What? :'''Scissors''': No more prank war! ''[the audience gasps]'' I just had a huge revelation. Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. :'''Paper''': Wait, that's what I said. :'''Scissors''': Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. :'''Paper''': ''[baffled]'' Is he doing my speech? :'''Scissors''': As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest! :''[The audience clap and cheer, and the Rat Bros whistle]'' :'''Rock''': Whoo! <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[kneels down to Scissors]'' Good job, son. ''[he and Scissors hug as the latter sheds tears of happiness]'' ===''Key Limes / Six Pieces of Turkey [1.08]''=== :'''Scissors''': ''[pukes in the trash can and moans]'' Oh, man. Did you see me driving back there? I was cool as a cu- ''[pukes in the trash again]'' …cumber. ===''The Other Rock Paper Scissors / The Astonishing Catalina [1.09]''=== :'''Better Rock, Paper, & Scissors''': Hello! :'''Scissors''': Oh, boy. :'''Better Rock''': Come in, come in! :'''Paper''': Huh. Your place looks similar to ours. :'''Scissors''': Although, I see you don't see have a TV. :'''Better Scissors''': Why would we need a TV? We're too entertained by our friends. :'''Rock, Paper & Scissors''': Ugh. :'''Better Rock''': Thanks for bringing these over. Funny enough, we just got some of your mail today, too. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': I don't understand. :'''Scissors''': You're smarter than us, you're nicer than us, you're at least 15 other things better than us. What's wrong with you guys?! :'''Better Scissors''': You tell us. We're always willing to grow. :''[Scissors yells in rage]'' :'''Better Paper''': Hey, you seem upset. Why don't we all go to the couch and talk about our feelings? :''[The better trio fly back to the couch]'' :'''Rock''': You fly too?! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': We can live like this. <hr width="50%"> :'''Catalina''': Why won't you let me do the trick?! :'''Scissors''': Because it makes me feel uncool! :'''Catalina''': What are you talking about? You're effortlessly cool! The only way I can feel cool is by doing magic! :'''Scissors''': I find that hard to believe, 'cause everything about you is cool! You're stylish and confident and turn horses into dragons! :'''Catalina''': But you never blink an eye! I've done so many horrible things to you and you always say you can live like this! :'''Scissors''': YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON I KNOW! :'''Catalina''': THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT ''YOU!'' ===''Pencil Comes Over / The Wind [1.10]''=== :'''Paper''': I can't believe that worked. :'''Scissors''': I know. It went exactly like I-''[pukes on the ground]'' Oh, whatever. <hr width="50%"> :'''Sandpaper''': You're the vomit boy? :'''Scissors''': That was one time and it hasn't happened si- ''[pukes on the ground again]'' Oh, why? ===''The Holiday Picture / Scrubs [1.11]''=== :'''Rock''': Guys! We got more holiday cards! :'''Paper''': ''[disappointed]'' Man, everyone looks so perfect in these photos-- Lou, the Rat Bros, even Crazy-Eyed Pirate. :'''Rock''': Who? :'''Scissors''': I don't know. We met a lot of wacky characters. It's hard to keep track. :'''Paper''': Why can't ''we'' take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went Super Saiyan. :'''Scissors''': That year was awesome! :'''Paper''': And the year Rock dressed up as some old cartoon character. :''[The last photo shows Rock in his Rocko getup from [[w:List of Rocko's Modern Life characters|Rocko's Modern Life]]]'' :'''Rock''': You didn't enjoy ''"Rocko, Paper, Scissors"?'' :'''Paper''': Eh, it was okay. :'''Scissors''': I liked that show. The main guy was always like… ''[imitating Rocko's voice]'' "Hey, mate, I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky. He-he." ''[normally]'' Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression. :'''Paper''': I just want ''one'' perfect holiday photo. <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': Wait. Where ''is'' your chain? :'''Scissors''': Oh! Toast Ghost is covering it! Aw, man! Now the caption doesn't make any sense! <hr width="50%"> :''[The trio are eating at a cafe while Paper is dressed in a medical uniform and scrubs, much to Scissors' jealousy]'' :'''Scissors''': So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes. :'''Paper''': Whatever do you mean? :'''Rock''': Guys, let's be peaceful. :'''Scissors''': I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears. :'''Paper''': Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas. :'''Scissors''': And the stethoscope? :'''Paper''': I thought it was a necklace. :'''Scissors''': Yeah? You wear necklaces now? :'''Rock''': Scissors, take a breath. :'''Scissors''': This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper! :'''Orange-haired Kid''': Wow, a real-life hero! ''[offers Paper to sign his autograph]'' How can I be a doctor one day? :'''Paper''': I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes. :'''Scissors''': That's literally all he did! :'''Rock''': Let's ask ''why'' this upsets you. :'''Scissors''': Rock, you went on one meditation retreat, you're not some wise, old sage. ''[points to Paper]'' And ''he's'' not a doctor! I bet he can't even tell you what hospital he works at! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[grumbles annoyingly]'' I'm gonna get more respect than ''you,'' Paper. And I know someone's society respects even ''more'' than doctors. ''[walks off and comes back, wearing a basketball jersey]'' :'''Paper''': What are you wearing? :'''Scissors''': A basketball jersey… Which I guess makes me a professional basketball player. :'''Paper''': Oh, please. You really think people are going to believe that you're… :'''Woman''': Ronald Jamison! <hr width="50%"> :'''Orange-haired Kid''': ''[sitting with three humanoid children pair of scissors]'' What the heck is going on? <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Come on, Paper, I'm really hurt! Just admit you're not a doctor! :'''Paper''': Only if ''you'' admit you're ''not'' Ronald Jamison! :'''Scissors''': Why don't I admit myself to the hospital…where you don't work! ===''Bowling / The Character Quiz [1.12]''=== :'''Rock''': Want to tell your problems to a rock you never met? :'''Bowling Owner''': ''[sighs]'' It's that Scissors guy. He's putting me out of business. See? At my bowling alley, a perfect score gets you a free tub of curly fries and a free game. And Scissors got so good at bowling, he hasn't paid for a game in 2 years. :'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain. :''[Scissors laughs deviously while wearing an evil mustache made of curly fries]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[to Scissors]'' Listen, Scissors. It would really help the owner if you started paying for curly fries. :'''Scissors''': Oh, naive Rock, always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting deals for all... they're... worth! ''[laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash behind him]'' Man, these deals make me a maniac. :'''Rock''': I like to believe that if you reach out your arms to others, their arms will reach back out to you. :'''Scissors''': You also believe the Earth is heart-shaped. I can't trust anything you say. :'''Rock''': Then how about this? I challenge you to a game of bowling. If I win, you have to start paying for curly fries. But if you win, you get the bowling alley. :'''Scissors''': Seriously? I mean, yeah, of course. That's a very uneven deal. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again. :'''Rock''': Don't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. ''[hands him a letter]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[reads the letter]'' '''''"Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!"''''' ''[later cut to him talking to a therapist]'' I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! ''[lightning bolts flash behind him once again]'' :'''Therapist''': And where do you think that comes from? :'''Scissors''': ''[starts crying]'' I don't know! <hr width="50%"> :''[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: "The Gang's All Here" and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]'' :'''Creepo''': I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. ''[hisses at a car that just passed him]'' I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! ''[holds up a jar of his chest hair]'' :'''Dave''': Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave. :'''Rock''': See? :'''Logan''': ''[enters the trio's apartment]'' I heard you guys got Stephernie. ''I'' got Stephernie! :'''Brody''': I got Fire Hydrant. :'''Lou''': ''[sliding in]'' I got Dave! :'''Scissors''': Sure. :'''Logan''': I see that. :'''Paper''': Me too. :'''Rock''': How? How do you see that? :'''Logan''': Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. ''[he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party. :'''Scissors''': Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive. :'''Paper''': Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too? :'''Sandpaper''': Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no. Secret's out. :'''Scissors''': ''[noticing something]'' Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is '''''not''''' a Stephernie! ''[the others gasp in shock]'' No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. ''[to Sandpaper]'' What's Stephernie's last name?! :'''Sandpaper''': Stephernie. :'''Scissors''': Good. ''[to Baron Von Snootsberg]'' Walk like Stephernie! ''[Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey]'' Good. ''[to Robot Executive]'' In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house? :'''Robot Executive''': Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party! :''[Paper sighs in relief]'' :'''Scissors''': That's exactly what she said. :'''Paper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… ''[everyone looks at him, suspiciously]'' in a Stephernie way. ''[walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]'' :'''Robot Executive''': Yes, that checks out. :'''Scissors''': Yeah, very Stephernie. :'''Rock''': ''[on the phone with Paper]'' You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior. :'''Paper''': ''[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth]'' You just said you're breaking into a TV studio! :'''Rock''': For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake! :'''Paper''': Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie. :'''Rock''': Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars. :'''Paper''': What is this show? :'''Scissors''': ''[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything]'' Not a Stephernie, huh? :'''Paper''': I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me! :'''Scissors''': ''[kneels down]'' Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana? :'''Paper''': Seriously, what is this show? <hr width="50%"> :'''Wizard''': Listen, Fire Hydrant, I'm your brother. And I don't think this man you're dating is right for you. :'''Fire Hydrant''': I can't help it. I like my men like I like my fires… Smokin'! <hr width="50%"> :'''Creepo''': Hey, pal. ''You're'' the Creepo here. Here's your popsicle stick and your chest hair. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I'm sorry, Paper. I should have never tried to dunk you in a vat of hot lava just for not identifying with the same fictional TV character. :'''Paper''': And ''I'm'' sorry that-- ''[realizes]'' actually, my thing wasn't that bad. ===''Potato / The Fart Joke Debate [1.13]''=== :'''Paper''': It's "The Paper Show"! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. ''[Logan gets up and walks away]'' The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... ''[throws some things which are deadly and screams]'' Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? ''[drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing]'' No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started. :'''Scissors''': Jacket! :'''Paper''': Can I get another word? :'''Pencil''': Circus! :'''Paper''': Can I get a fruit that's round and orange? :'''Rock''': Kumquat! :''[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]'' :'''Paper''': ''[rapping]'' When I say "Paper", you say "rules". Paper- :'''Rock, Scissors, Pencil, & Lou''': No. <hr width="50%"> :'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Eh. I just don't like fart jokes. :''[everyone gasps in horror]'' :'''Rock''': What did you say? :'''Paper''': I don't think they're funny. :''[everyone gasps again]'' :'''Scissors''': Not even Long Squeakers? :'''Pencil''': Butt Trumpets? :'''Rock''': Wet and Nasties? :'''Paper''': Ew, what? No. :'''Scissors''': ''[to Pencil and Rock]'' Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… ''are'' funny. ===''Paper's Secret Weapon / The Sled Hill [1.14]'' === :'''Paper''': ''[mumbling to himself while working]'' Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then. :'''Scissors''': Hey, Paper. What are you working on? :'''Paper''': ''[turns around with an angry face]'' I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy! :'''Rock''': Whoa. :'''Scissors''': Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it. :'''Paper''': Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! ''[karate kicks a wall and runs off]'' :'''Rock''': We might have made him a little too angry. :'''Scissors''': Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry. :'''Rock''': ''[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling]'' Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always. :''[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]'' :'''Paper''': Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Scissors, I forbid you from sledding down that hill. It's a slippery slope ''straight'' to the emergency room. Also, don't add anything I didn't say during this flashback. I'm a big stick-in-the-mud, poopy-pants, poop-poop guy. <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground]'' Scissors, are you alright? :'''Scissors''': ''[sits up]'' Oh, my arm. :'''Rock''': ''[looks at Scissors' right arm]'' Looks okay to me. ''[sees his broken left arm]'' Oh, the ''broken'' arm. :'''Scissors''': ''[whining]'' Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this. :'''Rock''': Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. ''[opens the case and springs pop out of it]'' It's also a comedy school. :'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' :'''Rock''': We gotta get Paper. :'''Scissors''': No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, "I was right" like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me? :'''Rock''': I'm with you. ''[high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing]'' Oh, right. Your arm. ===''Scissors' Catapult / Pencil and Potato [1.15]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work]'' Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. ''[he goes to the roof instead]'' However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- ''[he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully]'' I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. ''[whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster]'' Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. ''[accidentally breaks the chair]'' Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. ''[tries to push the fridge to make it fall]'' And is this fridge gonna fall? ''[straining]'' Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on! :'''Rock''': Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them? '''Future Kevin''': If you're not going to mow my lawn, I'll make ''you'' mow my lawn! '''Future Scissors''': ''[while wearing a horse costume]'' You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?<hr width="50%"> :'''Pencil''': But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home! :'''Scissors''': There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything! :'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub? :'''Rock''': Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest. :'''Paper''': Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest. : : : :'''Potato''': Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest. : : : : :'''Waitress''': I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic. :''[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]'' :'''Rock''': Oh, no. He's running out of conversation. :'''Scissors''': Quick! Feed him a line! : :'''Paper''': Uh… ''[touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger]'' Flub-Bub. : : :'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub! :'''Waitress''': ''[swoons]'' Oh, Flub-Bub. :''[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]'' :'''Scissors''': Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe. :'''Flub-Bub''': ''[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice]'' Flub-Bubby! :'''Rock''': Oh. :'''Scissors''': Right. :'''Paper''': Totally forgot about that. ===''Resolutions / Paper's Book Club [1.16]''=== :'''Scissors''': You know calculators are usually smaller than that, right? And don't run on someone shoveling in coal? :'''Paper''': Whatever, it works. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure. :'''Rock''': And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions. :'''Scissors''': But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year. :'''Rock''': You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[talking about Scissors' resolution]'' January 1st: Scissors sees a poorly-translated Foreign film called ''"Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success"''. :'''Buff Man''': I lift weight, prove I big success! :'''Paper''': The resolution is made. January 2nd: Scissors buys every piece of gym equipment he can find and a giant tub of muscle powder. ''[Scissors tries to open the lid]'' But he's not strong enough to open the lid. January 3rd: Scissors eats an entire chocolate cake, feels badly about himself, and gives up on his resolution. And that's the end of the story. Although, there was a day in mid July where Scissors remembered the resolution and had a moment of renewed resolve. But then he ate another entire chocolate cake and felt terrible about himself. :''[Scissors moans in disappointment]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs. :'''Rock''': You did what?! :''[Scissors queasily pukes in the toilet due to a bad pain in his stomach]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Ugh, I'm gonna look like a fool! Paper makes me so mad I could just flip this… ''[tries to flip over the weight bench]'' well, maybe not the weight bench, but these tinier weights! ''[tries to flip them]'' Or at least this weight bench instruction manual! ''[tries to flip the manual; groans]'' How is this possible?! ''[later sits on the floor, watching "Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success" while eating an entire chocolate cake and feeling horrible about himself… as usual]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[to Paper]'' Hey, can we talk for a second? ''[looks at the camera]'' Uh, off camera? ''[cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them]'' Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary. :'''Paper''': ''[sighs]'' Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… ''[turns to the camera]'' because I needed it for this movie! ''[laughs and leaves]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]'' :'''Rock''': There were hamsters in there? :'''Paper''': ''[to Scissors]'' How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds! :'''Scissors & Rock''': ''[both gasp; simultaneously]'' I completed my New Year's resolution! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Let's sharpen our pens! ''[sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]'' :'''Rock''': Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen ''my'' pen! ''[does the same thing like Scissors did]'' :''[Words appear reading: '''"Don't try this at home. Obviously."''']'' :'''Paper''': ''[annoyed while he facepalms]'' Doofuses. ''[suddenly gets an idea]'' Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know! <hr width="50%"> :'''News Reporter''': This just in, multiple business owners are sad today, as they've had to close from all the free things they've given away to satisfy customer complaints. And as we all know, the only people who write complaints are whiny little poops. Here's a sketch of what such poops may or may not look like. :''[A drawing sketch of Rock and Scissors is shown]'' :'''Rock''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no, we're hurting people! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[attempting to return all the free stuff]'' I'm giving it back! :'''Scissors''': ''[trying to stop him]'' You're not giving it back! :'''Paper''': ''[barges into the apartment]'' Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… ''[looks around at all the free stuff]'' have no idea what this is. :'''Rock''': Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. ''[A pink flamingo walks past them]'' I don't even know what we complained about to get that. :'''Paper''': Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's ''bad,'' because people who complain are automatically viewed as right. :'''Scissors''': See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified. :'''Rock''': Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island? <hr width="50%"> :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': Thanks for coming into the Nickelodeon offices today, Scissors. We brought you in because we received a complaint letter from, well, him. :''[Rock sits next to her and crosses his arms while glaring at Scissors, revealing he's the one who wrote the letter]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Oh, you whiny little poop. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[reading the letter] '''"Dear Nickelodeon… In your program, "Rock Paper Scissors", Scissors' behavior has been morally reprehensible."''''' :'''Scissors''': Everyone's ''so'' sensitive. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[continues reading] '''"He rarely learns lessons, and, when given the opportunity to grow, continues with awful behavior."''''' :'''Scissors''': Yeah, that's what makes me fun. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[finishes reading] '''"This is not a character who should be exposed to our children. Please do something immediately."''''' I'm sorry, but we're suspending you from the show for two weeks. :'''Scissors''': WHAT?! (Two weeks?!) Who are you even gonna get to replace me? :''[The show's intro plays with Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel as Scissors' temporary replacement and the show's title being changed to "Rock Paper Nutso"]'' :'''Nutso''': This show's about to get Nutso! ===''National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[stretching himself]'' Alright, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! ''[exits the apartment building, and is surprised to see the whole town celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]'' :'''Rock''': Happy International Rock Day! :'''Paper''': International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday. :'''Rock''': Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors. :'''Scissors''': ''[leading a marching band]'' Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': (Hello?) Is this the Committee of National Holidays? :'''Rock''': ''[turning around in his chair, revealing himself]'' You bet it is! :'''Paper''': ''[suprised]'' Rock?! ''You're'' on the committee?! :'''Rock''': Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day. :'''Raspberry Cake''': I'm cake. :'''Paper''': ''[disbelieved]'' Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please. :''[The representatives all laugh]'' :'''Rock''': Paper, we don't just ''give'' out days. :'''Pencil''': Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one. :'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here. :'''Pencil''': Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears. <hr width="50%"> :'''Potato''': That presentation was ''terrible.'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying a bunch of groceries]'' :'''Paper''': Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries? :'''Scissors''': ''[sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich]'' I would, but my hands are full. :'''Rock''': Well, just put it down. :'''Scissors''': ''[now holding a lamp]'' Now I have another thing. :'''Paper''': Scissors! :''[Scissors whistles while holding a sandwich, a lamp, and three bowling balls]'' :'''Rock''': Scissors, come on! Can you just help us ''one'' time? <hr width="50%"> :'''Nice Scissors''': Excuse me. Could I talk to you about helping? :'''Traffic Cop Scissors''': Can't you see I'm busy directing traffic? ''[makes the cars crash into each other and laughs evilly]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[A memory footage shows Young Scissors running down the school hallway, and accidentally rips his pants while crouching down to pick up a piece of paper, showing his underwear and butt crack]'' :'''Young Scissors''': Oh, no! I ripped my pants at school! ''[gets attacked by a Pterodactyl that swooped in]'' :'''Nice Scissors''': That was a bad day. ===''The Family Business / Glitter Bomb [1.18]''=== :'''Rock''': ''[covered in glitter after singing a tune while getting mail]'' What just happened? :'''Scissors''': I think someone sent you a glitter bomb. :'''Rock''': ''[getting angry]'' Do you know how difficult it is to remove glitter? Who would do this to me? ''[sadly]'' Who would do this to me?! ''[furiously]'' WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?! ''[After Rock catches Paper with a fishing pole]'' '''Paper''': No! Please! Please! '''Rock''': ''[holds up tape]'' It's folding time. '''Paper''': Forgive me! Forgive me! No! '''Rock''': ''[reveals the words on the tape saying "Gotcha"] [happy]'' Gotcha! '''Paper''': What? '''Scissors''': ''[runs up to him]'' Gotcha! Oh, man. We got you so good! '''Paper''': What the heck is going on? '''Rock''': We knew you did the glitter bomb the whole time. '''Scissors''': So we thought it'd be funny if Rock pretended to be ''enraged'' by it and go on a crazy manhunt to scare you. '''Paper''': What?! '''Scissors''': Yeah, all of us were in on it. The mailman, Chad BrockChad, all the prisoners. '''Rock''': ''[giggles]'' Pretty funny, huh, Paper? '''Paper''': Are you insane? This isn't funny at all! I thought my life was in danger! '''Scissors''': It's just a joke. '''Paper''': I've been living Alaska for eight months! I bought a house here! I- ''[stammers]'' Look. I should have never tried to be funny, but you two shouldn't have either, so no more jokes. Okay? From now on, let's just all agree that none of us are funny. '''Rock''': Yeah. I guess none of us are funny. '''Scissors''': Not a one of us. ''[the trio sadly stare one by one at the viewer]'' ===''Diapers / R.O.V.E.R. [1.19]''=== :'''Paper''': Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful. :'''Scissors''': Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation. :'''Paper''': You don't ''have'' a cool reputation. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[after throwing all the diapers into the ocean as they start absorbing]'' Oh, no! I forgot how absorbent they are! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure. :'''Scissors''': ''[sobbing]'' AND MINE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS! :'''Rock''': Yeah, we heard about that. ''[outside the apartment building, a giant diaper rolls down the street, passing by]'' It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along. :'''Scissors''': How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! ''[Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's signifying it]'' It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks cold, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… ''[Rock and Paper both sulk]'' Or Rock's. ===''Trash [1.20]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[sniffs an unpleasant smell]'' What is that smell? :'''Scissors''': ''[looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around]'' I think it's Rock. :'''Paper''': Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash? :'''Scissors''': ''[waving his hand; dismissively]'' Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it. :'''Paper''': No, do it now. :'''Scissors''': I'll do it really soon. <hr width="50%"> :'''Dian''': I'm at my breaking point, Chris. We've dealt with too much noise and agony from all these wacky Rock Paper Scissors shenanigans. ''[flashback shows multiple episodes from the past]'' The rhino stomping around when Putty was there, the meltwater dripping through when their place turned into the Arctic, last Christmas, they were 10 different ghosts, and at one point, Scissors farted into a microphone and blew out all the windows in the building. What's it going to take for us to go up there and say something? ==Season 2== ===''Franz Roll and the Lost Rainbow Pants of Atraxes the Apple Bottomed [2.01]''=== ===''Paper and Pencil Tell a Joke / Scissors' Orchestra [2.02]''=== Pencil: Paper! PAPER! I got it! Paper: Pencil, are you okay? Pencil: (snoring loudly) ===''Shoot / Rock's First Day of Work [2.03]''=== ===''Paper Attends an Elite Institution / The New Landlord [2.04]''=== :'''Scissors''': You wanna go home? :'''Paper''': Why? Because you think I can't ''handle'' 3rd grade? :'''Scissors''': No, because I do not care about this. :'''Paper''': Oh, yeah, you think I'm too stupid that I can't get ''one'' "A"? :'''Scissors''': Listen. I know I usually antagonize you in situations like this, but I'm really not invested here. Rock and I are apartment-sitting for Pencil this week, and we're gonna play with all her cool gadgets, which seems like way more fun than this… frankly sad 3rd grade development. So, do whatever you want, but again, I could not care less. :'''Paper''': Well, ''I'll'' show you, Scissors! I ''will'' get an "A", an "A-plus", with a good job sticker on top! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[holding up one of Pencil's gadgets]'' Scissors, look! Pencil has a shapeshifter! ''[activates it, turning him and Scissors into snowmen]'' :'''Rock & Scissors''': Whoa! ''[they then turn into [[w:Minecraft|Minecraft]] style]'' Whoa! :'''Paper''': Well, I bet you're ''loving'' this, Scissors! Old doofus Paper failing 3rd grade! :''[Rock and Scissors have turned into an apple and a banana]'' :'''Scissors''': Again, I do not care. :'''Paper''': And now I have a group project due at the end of the week on genetic engineering and no one will want to work with me 'cause I'm the least intelligent kid in the class! :''[Rock and Scissors have then turned into frogs]'' :'''Scissors''': Paper, we've turned ourselves into frogs. We're looking for flies. :'''Paper''': Could we just acknowledge this?! This is insane! I mean, Rock, do ''you'' know quantum mechanics? :'''Rock''': Of course! I learned it in the 3rd grade. <hr width="50%"> :'''Catalina''': I'll be back, Scissors! And next time, I'll take you down! :'''Scissors''': Not if I take you down first. :'''Catalina''': How could you?! You have the brain of an ant! :'''Scissors''': And you have the face of the dead! :'''Catalina''': I hate you so much! :'''Scissors''': I HATE YOU MORE! :''[They slowly start to kiss, but snap out of it and look away from each other, awkwardly]'' :'''Catalina''': Anyway, you're the worst. :'''Scissors''': Yeah, uh… same to you. :'''Rock''': What is happening with them?! ===''The Origami Robot / Scissors Sees An Inspirational Sports Movie [2.05]''=== :''[The trio's apartment is being decorated for the holidays and Paper and Pencil are decorating the Christmas tree together]'' :'''Paper''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' I love the holidays. It really is the best time of year. :'''Pencil''': Yeah. You get to relax, have some quiet time, and… :'''Rock''': ''[barging in with Scissors clutching his stomach in pain]'' SCISSORS ATE A PINECONE! :'''Pencil''': What?! Why?! :'''Scissors''': Rock dared me to! :'''Rock''': No, I said, "Don't do that!" :'''Scissors''': Which I took as a dare! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': I'm with Paper. This really is the best time of year. :'''Paper''': It is. And I'm glad everything worked out. :'''Pencil''': Although I do feel bad the robot didn't remove the pinecone. :''[Zoom out to reveal Scissors laying flat on the floor with the pine tree growing out of his buttocks, which Paper and Pencil were decorating]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' Not as bad as I do. <hr width="50%"> :''[Scissors is watching an inspirational sports movie when Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying groceries]'' :'''Paper''': Oh, shoot! He's watching an inspirational sports movie! :'''Rock''': Every time he sees one of those, he thinks ''he'' can do that stuff! :'''Paper''': Turn it off! TURN IT OFF! :'''Rock''': ''[searching everywhere for the remote]'' I can't! Where's the remote?! :'''Crowd''': ''[chanting on TV]'' Scrudy! Scrudy! :'''Paper''': I DON'T KNOW! JUST RIP THE CORD OUT OF THE WALL! :'''Rock''': Which one?! THERE ARE SO MANY CORDS! ===''The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06]''=== :''[While watching Rock playing a Fantasy House video game, the trio hear the Rat Bros laughing and cheering from above the fourth floor]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Are the Rat Bros having another party? :'''Rock''': They are such jerks! :'''Paper''': Let's go up there and tell them to start being respectable members of society. :'''Scissors''': Okay, but just don't get on your high horse again. :''[Cut to them standing outside the Rat Bros' apartment while Paper rides on his high horse; Scissors knocks on the door]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' 'Sup, bros? Oh, are we tutoring too loud? :'''Paper''': Tutoring? :'''Logan''': Yeah. We tutor underprivileged kids all the time. ''[shows his brothers tutoring four children]'' Ruby, tell 'em the thesis of your report. :'''Ruby''': In a juxtaposition of the sublime and the banal, the artist's oeuvre deftly encapsulates the ephemeral nature of human experience. :''[Derf blares an air horn; the trio are baffled by what they just saw; back in their apartment…]'' :'''Scissors''': What the heck was that?! :'''Rock''': The Rat Bros aren't supposed to be better than us! They're supposed to be one-dimensional bad guys! :'''Paper''': Yeah! I refuse to live in a world where the Rat Bros are morally superior. Because then we can't judge them! And that's how I feel good about myself! :'''Scissors''': Paper, get off the horse. :'''Paper''': I can't, I need a step stool! :''[Meanwhile, in the Rat Bros' apartment…]'' :'''Logan''': ''[laughing]'' Did you see how upset they were? :'''Brogan''': Our altruistic plan is totally working! :'''Derf''': We are such jerks! :'''Rat Bros''': ''[chest bumping]'' Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! :'''Brody''': ''[confused]'' But wait… are we jerks? Tutoring these kids is really nice. Bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. :'''Logan''': Brody, don't be ridiculous. We're only doing good things to make Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel bad about themselves, which is a jerk thing to do. And remember, the two rules of being a Rat Bro. If a bro asks you to spot 'em, you gotta spot 'em. And what's number two, kids? :'''Kids''': Rat Bros are jerks because jerks are cool. :'''Logan''': And you wanna be cool, right, Brody? :'''Brody''': Of course. That's my one and only thought. :''[Zoom into his head and brain]'' :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. :'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Shower? :'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. <hr width="50%"> :''[Rat Bros' apartment; Logan is reading an article about the trio being the best guys in town and receiving all the praise]'' :'''Logan''': ''[outraged]'' Ugh! This makes me so mad! Why do we still pay for the newspaper?! ''[throws the newspaper on the ground and marches over to the weight bench]'' Brogan, spot me. I'm doing an angry set! We cannot let Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel good about themselves. We have to beat them! :'''Brody''': Wait, Logan. Are you saying… :'''Logan''': Yes, Brody. It's time for an altruistic-off! :'''Ruby''': Altruistic-off: A competition in which people or groups try to win by doing the most good for society. :'''Logan''': Uh, Ruby, you can go home. Okay. Derf, go save the whales. Brogan and I will eliminate political corruption. And Brody? Get a PhD in robotic engineering to give people without limbs the best in robotic prostheses. :'''Derf''': But, Logan, I already have a PhD in robotic engineering. :'''Logan''': Too late. I already gave out the assignments. :''[Another article shows the Rat Bros being #1 good guys and receiving more praise]'' :'''Rock''': ''[reading the article; infuriated]'' This is terrible! Newspapers are so important, and no one cares anymore! :'''Scissors''': What's the point of cleaning all this garbage off the street if we're losing?! ''[pushes the huge garbage bag out the window, and it splatters on the street, covering some people in garbage]'' :'''Paper''': We have to beat the Rat Bros, otherwise, I won't be able to judge them on my high horse! And how am I supposed to feel good about myself then, by winning horse races? ''[the horse shakes its head no]'' See? He's not into it! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Feast your eyes, Rat Bros! I have created a device that will solve the global housing crisis by spitting out a fully-built house in just ''five'' seconds! :'''Scissors''': We're gonna officially unveil it tomorrow at the Nobel Prize ceremony and beat you once and for all! :'''Rock''': Build houses! That's what we should do! :'''Paper''': See? He got there. ''[he and his friends leave with their invention]'' :'''Logan''': ''[frustrated]'' D'oh! I can't believe they're gonna beat us! They are such… good guys. :'''Brody''': Actually, I think we'll still win. :'''Logan''': What do you mean? :'''Brody''': I saw a flaw in the device's engine. If they try to use that thing, it'll explode. :'''Derf''': Yes! :'''Brogan''': Sweet! :'''Logan''': All right! :'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! :'''Brody''': ''[quietly as Logan and Brogan walk away]'' Nice, bro. :'''Derf''': ''[noticing Brody's timidity; concerned]'' Hey, are you okay? :'''Brody''': Yeah, I'm cool. ''[chuckles awkwardly]'' Cool. I'm cool! Ha-ha. Cool guy. Super cool Brody. Listen, can I tell you something? You remember how I got my PhD from Princeton, right? :'''Derf''': Yeah, in two days. Very impressive. :'''Brody''': Well, I got a job at a hospital working in robotic prosthetics. ''[Flashback begins with him putting some robotic arms on his patient: Mr. Drake]'' All right, Mr. Drake. Test them out. :'''Mr. Drake''': ''[grips his robotic arms, controlling them; surprised]'' Oh my gosh. I-I can wave! I can point! I can… ''[uses them to scratch an itch on his behind]'' Oooh, I've been waiting to scratch that for 25 years! :'''Brody''': ''[voice-over]'' But then, something weird happened. :'''Mr. Drake''': Could I… hug you? It would be the first hug I've ever given. :'''Brody''': ''[unsure]'' Um… I don't really-- :'''Mr. Drake''': ''[hugging him; sobbing happily]'' Thank you, Brody. You changed my life! :'''Brody''': ''[hugs him in return with his eyes tearing up; voice-over]'' It felt amazing! And for the first time, I had a new thought. :''[Zoom into his head and brain]'' :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. :'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Be good. :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. :'''Brody's Neuron #2''': We really should shower, though. :'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! :''[Back to the present]'' :'''Brody''': I think… I think I might be a good guy. :'''Derf''': ''[gasps in dramatic shock]'' No. Brody, no. A-are you sure? :'''Brody''': This morning, I wrote a big check to a food bank! :'''Derf''': But you know the rules… jerks are cool. Good guys are… I don't even know! :'''Brody''': Derf, I get it. But I'm thinking about that machine and… it just feels wrong to do nothing. Those homes would help so many people. :'''Derf''': Look, I know it's tough, but sometimes you gotta make hard choices in life. Do you want to foster the well-being of millions… or be cool? ''[starts to walk away]'' :'''Brody''': Hey, Derf… when you were saving the whales, were you thinking about beating Rock, Paper, and Scissors, or about how good it felt to save those whales? :'''Derf''': ''[thinking for a second]'' Get some rest, bro. ''[resumes walking away]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Next day at the Noble Prize ceremony… while the trio are preparing to present their house-building invention, Brody sneaks into backstage to fix it, and finds that Logan was already there, feeling deeply betrayed by finding out about his "being good" conversation with Derf]'' :'''Brody''': ''[surprised]'' Logan! :'''Logan''': ''[disappointed]'' I knew I'd find you here. Your "nice, bro" chest bump yesterday was lackluster at best. I gotta say, I feel betrayed… like Edmond Dantès in ''The Count of Monte Cristo.'' :'''Brody''': That's a very literate reference. :'''Logan''': Ah, we covered a lot in tutoring. :'''Brody''': I'm sorry, but I can't let that device explode. :'''Logan''': Spot me. :'''Brody''': ''[having to have heard that; shocked]'' What? Here?! :'''Logan''': I wanna do a set. ''[Brody obeys and sets down the pliers]'' Why are you doing this, Brody?! :'''Brody''': The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of. :'''Logan''': Is that Blaise Pascal? :'''Brody''': We covered a lot in tutoring. <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[to Brody; irked]'' You said it wouldn't work! Ugh, whatever. We'll find another way to get Rock, Paper, and Scissors. ''[walks off]'' :'''Brody''': ''[turns to the invention; puzzled]'' But how did it not explode? :'''Derf''': ''[off-screen]'' I guess we'll never know. :'''Brody''': ''[turns to him holding the pliers, revealing '''he's''' the one who fixed it; surprised]'' Derf?! :'''Derf''': ''[hands Brody back the pliers]'' Maybe being a good guy is cool too. ''[walks off into the sunset as Brody smiles touchingly, realizing that their conversation changed his mind]'' :'''Paper''': ''[with his foot stuck in the saddle's stirrup]'' HELP! I'm stuck in the stirrup! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Scissors, I don't know if you know this, but we're big Lolly fans. :'''Rock''': Yeah, we're in the Lolly Army. ''[he and Paper put on Lolly ponytails]'' :'''Paper''': How did you get a date with her? :'''Scissors''': I just asked. See, most men are afraid of rejection, but not me. I'm used to rejection. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': First of all, every track is a banger. :'''Rock''': Also, this Scissors guy sounds like a jerk. :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Rock! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the TV after watching the news about him becoming the most hated man on the planet and Lolly writing an album about him from their terrible date]'' This is terrible! I gotta go down to Convenient News and tell everyone I'm not a bad guy! ''[walks down the street, passing an angry crowd, booing at him]'' I know, I know, but I'll explain everything on TV! :'''Driver''': This is for Lolly! ''[splashes water on him]'' :'''Driver #2''': This is also for Lolly! ''[splashes more water on him]'' :'''Driver #3''': ''[throws out a bucket of snakes]'' EAT SNAKES, JERK! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[returns to his apartment; bummed]'' Of all the bad days in my life, that probably broke the top 50. ''[sees his friends dancing to Lolly's album]'' :'''Paper''': By the way, I'd also recommend not going online. :'''Rock''': We wrote some really nasty stuff. :'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the music]'' Guys, this is serious! I can't even leave the house! I gotta get everyone to stop hating me. :'''Rock''': I don't know how you could do that. :'''Paper''': Yeah, Lolly's the victim here. :'''Scissors''': ''[as an idea pops into his head]'' That's it! ''That's'' how you win over the public sympathy! I just need to out-victim Lolly. <hr width="50%"> :'''Lolly''': This is ''way'' out of hand! Sure, Scissors messed up, but doesn't deserve ''this.'' And frankly, you guys are so intense sometimes it scares me. I mean, is that a mythological war hammer?! ''[Paper is shown to be holding and electrical war hammer and he and Rock sadly hang their heads down]'' So please, take it down a notch. And you don't need to do things like this for me. I'm not a god. ''[stops the meteor from hitting the Earth; voice booming] '''NO!''''' :'''Meteor''': Whatever you say, Lolly! Love the new album! ''[flies away into space]'' :''[Everyone leaves, saying sorry]'' :'''Paper''': Sorry, Lolly. :'''Lolly''': I heard your apology. I'm glad you learned your lesson. And I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have written 16-full length songs about why you were terrible. :'''Scissors''': Sixteen? I thought you only wrote ten. :'''Lolly''': No, I only released ten. I might release the other six as bonus tracks. ''[Everyone comes back, screaming excitedly]'' But I might not! :'''Everyone''': ''[disappointed]'' Aww! ''[walk away]'' :'''Lolly''': Hey, all this aside, I did still have fun with you. So maybe we could go on a second date. What do you think? :'''Scissors''': ''[thinking about it for a moment]'' Hard pass. :'''Lolly''': What? :'''Scissors''': Do you have any idea how awful you made my life? I was the most hated man on Earth. The nation of Japan publicly denounced me. And I was almost torn apart by 2,000 psychopaths in bows. So, yes, I '''''did''''' learn a lesson, but it was to never, ever date pop stars. Hard pass. ''[walks away]'' :'''Lolly''': That wasn't very nice. I should write an album about that. ===''Paper Takes the Phones / The Bedtime Story [2.07]''=== :''[Paper takes away Rock and Scissors' cellphones for confiscation, forcing them to spend quality with him in putting together a puzzle]'' :'''Rock''': Hey! :'''Scissors''': Give it back! :'''Paper''': You know, I just want us all to connect, but you're always on your phones. :'''Scissors''': Name one comedic example. ===''Scissors is a Good Boy / Paper's Family Get-Together [2.08]''=== :'''Franz''': Wait. Who is that? ''[points to Scissors, mistaking him for a dog]'' Look at you! You are such a good boy! :'''Scissors''': ''[baffled]'' Does he think I'm a dog? :'''Franz''': ''[throws a ball]'' Fetch! :'''Scissors''': I mean, I'm gonna get the ball. It's a cool ball. :'''Franz''': ''[turns to Rock]'' Rock, your dog is amazing! :'''Rock''': Uh, that's not my dog. :'''Franz''': So it's a stray? I must have it! ''[to Scissors]'' How'd you like to come live with your new doggie daddy? :'''Scissors''': Dude, I'm '''''not''''' a dog. <hr width="50%"> :'''Parchment Paper''': Paper? What's going on? And why are your friends here? :'''Scissors''': We kidnapped Paper too? :'''Rock''': Because we have beef and… Uh… Come back to me. :'''Paper''': What's going on is I don't want to go back to that table! You don't know how humiliating it is to hear about all the incredible things you do every year because I never do any myself. ''[to Sandpaper]'' You're working on big action movies, ''[to his mother]'' you're breaking national news, and I'm just Plain Paper. That's why I staged this kidnapping. Rock, Scissors, and I were fighting Dr. Big Bat over a giant strawberry we grew for the county fair, and we thought he'd make a good kidnapper. But then you got through all the bats, so I had to call a bunch of people I met over the past year. Like the ghosts we befriended when we tried to get the perfect holiday picture, the tortoises I accidentally made huge from toxic ooze and taught martial arts in the sewer, and the Hipponoids from the time I stopped their invasion and saved Earth. :'''Newspaper''': Hold on. You did all that in the last year? :'''Paper''': ''[sadly]'' Yeah, I go on a lot of silly adventures. :'''Sandpaper''': Paper, that's not silly at all. :'''Paper''': It's not? :'''Parchment Paper''': Are you kidding? Who goes on adventures like that? :'''Toilet Paper''': Yeah, that's… That's incredible! :'''Rock''': Ah, that's why I should've said. ===''Moonami 12 / Spider Court [2.09]''=== ===''Scissors, the Supervillain / Car Wash Nationals [2.10]''=== ==Season 3== ===''The Watching / Nightmares [3.01]''=== ===''Emotional Support Convertible / The Baseball [3.02]''=== ===''Rock's Half Birthday / Cherry Picking [3.03]''=== ===''The Wish / Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Paper, Scissors [3.04]''=== ===''Salmon Delivery for Ya / The Train Problem [3.05]''=== ===''Hardcore / Scissors' New Therapist [3.06]''=== ===''The Henry Winkler Episode / Paper Loves Potato [3.07]''=== ===''The Secret / Sandpaper's Workout Program [3.08]''=== ===''Paper: Renowned Researcher / Meatball [3.09]''=== ===''The Apology Soirée / Scissors' Perfect Match [3.10]''=== ==Cast== *[[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] – Scissors *[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]] – Rock *[[w:Thomas Lennon|Thomas Lennon]] – Paper *[[w:Melissa Villaseñor|Melissa Villaseñor]] – Pencil *[[w:Ray Chase (voice actor)|Ray Chase]] – The Rat Bros; Logan, Brody, Brogan / Baron Von Snootsberg *[[w:Max Mittelman|Max Mittelman]] – Derf the Rat Bro / Shoot *[[w:Eddie Pepitone|Eddie Pepitone]] – Lou Zer *[[w:Lauren Ash|Lauren Ash]] – Sandpaper / Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel *[[w:Betsy Sodaro|Betsy Sodaro]] – Potato *[[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] – The Susan *[[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] – Chad Brockchad *[[w:JP Karliak|JP Karliak]] – Convenient News Reporter *[[w:Abby Trott|Abby Trott]] – Robot Executive *Marlene Martinez – Astonishing Catalina *[[w:Alessia Cara|Alessia Cara]] – Lolly *[[w:Flula Borg|Flula Borg]] – Franz Roll *[[w:Mallory Jansen|Mallory Jansen]] – Cate Blanket *[[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] – Dr. Big Bat *Vanessa Marshall – Newspaper *[[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] – Parchment Paper *Jay Pharaoh – Toilet Paper [[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Current shows]] [[Category:Nicktoons]] [[Category:Nickelodeon shows]] ko2eyebdpynuiblrlh4g2qk2ywgrx1p 3949354 3949349 2026-06-06T00:12:47Z ~2026-33411-58 3337046 /* The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06] */ 3949354 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)|Rock Paper Scissors]]''''' is an American animated comedy television series for Nickelodeon created by Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman. ------ ==Season 1== ===''Birthday Police / Paper's Big Lie [1.01]''=== :'''Rock''': Get ready. 'Cause we're about to go on an adventure. :'''Paper''': There will be twists. There will be turns. :'''Scissors''': But if we stick together, ''[his sunglasses shine]'' I promise… we will complete this maze for ages five and under! :'''Rock''': Let's get the cat to the cat food! :'''Paper''': Yeah! :'''Scissors''': We got this. ''[The Birthday Police Car speakers start playing a Rock and Roll version of "Happy Birthday"]'' '''Speaker''': ''[sings]'' Happy Birthday to you. '''Rock''': ''[screams]'' I love this song! '''Speaker''': ''[continues singing]'' Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to you! ''[Officer Wishowski aims the Confetti Cannon at the trio]'' '''Scissors''': Confetti Cannon! I can't see! ''[Paper coughs as the trio wipe the confetti off their bodies]'' '''Rock & Scissors''': Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they both fall to the floor]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor again]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor a third time and Paper's machine got knocked over]'' '''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' What the heck are you doing?! '''Scissors''': Trying to do a jump jump kick. '''Rock''': You know, from video games. When your second jump is in the air, then you do a really cool kick. ''[Rock and Scissors try to do it again but they fall to the floor once again]'' '''Paper''': Somehow you two are dumber together. '''Scissors''': ''[gets back up]'' Or we're smarter together. '''Rock''': ''[also gets back up]'' Got it. ''[he and Scissors try to high five each other but they slap their faces and fall to the floor the final time]'' ===''Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02]''=== :''[The trio are doing meditation poses and are interrupted by thumping sounds from the fourth floor]'' :'''Rock''': What the heck was that?! :'''Scissors & Paper''': ''[enviously]'' The Rat Bros. :''[They show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door; smugly]'' 'Sup, losers? :'''Rock''': Losers? :'''Paper''': Come on. :'''Scissors''': Man, you're cool. :'''Paper''': What is going on in there?! :'''Logan''': Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. ''[shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan and Derf, on their pogo sticks]'' We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… oh, that's right…you don't have pogo sticks. :'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. :''[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]'' :'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me. :'''Scissors''': We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool. ===''Weekend Story / Putty [1.03]''=== :'''Pencil''': Skydiving? Wow, Paper. I was just about to be your girlfriend, but not anymore, you boring turkey! ''[pulls a lever, causing Paper to eject and laughs maniacally]'' : : :'''Pencil #1''': No conflict pirates? :'''Pencil #2''': Swords as decoration? :'''Pencil #3''': You wear glasses? :'''Paper''': ''You'' wear glasses? :'''Pencil #3''': Yeah, but I wear them as well. :''[The Pencil clones all press a button together, causing Paper to eject and laugh diabolically]'' : :'''Paper''': You can run, but you can't fly! ''[laughs evilly; activating his drone]'' ===''Hide and Seek / The First Lou Episode [1.04]''=== :'''Scissors''': ''[dramatic]'' You think you can hide from me?! Well, you're wrong because I… will… seek you! ''[playfully]'' Ready or not, here I come! ''[annoyed]'' Rock, you're behind the lamp. You're really bad at this game. :''[Rock notices and sighs sadly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Paper''': Rock, I need your help to find Scissors. :'''Rock''': You have to find me first. ''[giggles]'' :'''Paper''': I mean, you're wearing camouflage against the blue wall. :'''Rock''': ''[notices]'' Okay, I'll do it. But only if I can keep playing. :'''Paper''': Sure. Go nuts. :''[Rock cartwheels back to the camouflage wall and sighs sadly]'' :'''Rock''': I am not good at this game. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The trio are knitting a friendship blanket together while singing a song when they hear a banging sound from the door]'' :'''Lou''': ''[off-screen]'' It's Lou. Let me in. :'''Scissors''': Shoot, it's the landlord! :'''Paper''': Don't answer it. I don't want to deal with that pile of garbage. :'''Rock''': Paper! He's not that bad. :'''Paper''': No, I mean, he's literally trash. :''[Rock opens the door, revealing Lou, a grumpy landlord standing in the doorway]'' :'''Rock''': Lou, can you please put on pants? :'''Lou''': Pants? What am I, rich? You'd think I work on Wall Street? Oh, look at me. I wear pants and own a sports team. Why don't I buy a Lamborghini, too, wear that around my legs? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lou''': ''[as the end credits roll]'' Look at all these Hollywood phonies. Oh, Bob. Bob pronounces it "croi-ssant." Very annoying. Kurt, he's a fancy guy! Drinks seltzer! What are you, not getting enough free air? You got to pay to drink it? And let me tell you something about Nickelodeon, and I won't let them censor this! They... ''[a card sequence reading, '''"Oops! Please stand by"''' appears]'' I hope you like this episode, 'cause now, they get a lot worse! ===''The Susan / Eyebrows [1.05]''=== :'''Scissors''': The Susan is right. :'''Rock''': The Susan is always right. :'''Paper''': Well, this is the first time The Susan has talked, remember? :'''Rock''': We're sorry. :'''Scissors''': We should have never changed you. :'''Paper''': Can you forgive us? : : : : : :'''Rock''': ''[pacing back and forth]'' What am I gonna do about this audition?! Without my eyebrows, no one'll read my emotions! :'''Paper''': You seem very calm about this. :'''Rock''': No, I'm not! I'm freaking out! :'''Paper''': I can't-uh, do you need a snack? Are you cold? Did you slam your hand in a new or possibly old car door? ''[Rock draws angry eyebrows on two notepads and puts them on his forehead]'' Oh, oh, oh, you're upset. Don't worry. I think I can help you with my robotics invention. I'll make you… a pair of… animatronic eyebrows! ===''Scissors Gets a Job [1.06]''=== :'''Rock''': You made money by faking injuries and suing people? That's terrible. :'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh, moral Rock doesn't like making his money through fraudulent lawsuits. :'''Paper''': Broke or not, you still have to pay for your pizza. Maybe it's time you stop being a bum and get a job. :'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly once again]'' Oh, judgmental Paper calls me a bum just 'cause I fit the definition of one. :'''Paper''': Why don't you ever wanna find work? Is it because you're not really good at anything? :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Hey! :'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors is good at lot of things, like, uh, sunglasses. :'''Scissors''': Forget you guys. I'll find work when I want to. :'''Paper''': Well, until you do, you ''can't'' have pizza with us. :'''Scissors''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Paper''': In fact, every time you walk through that door, Rock and I will be eating pizza until it motivates you to get a job. :'''Rock''': Awesome! :'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' Fine! You just watch. I'll have pizza money in no time. ''[bumps his leg on the table]'' Ow, my leg or- :'''Judge''': In the case of Scissors vs. Paper and his dangerous coffee table, the court rules in favor of Paper. :'''Scissors''': ''[rips the bandages off himself]'' Dang it! Alright. I'll get a job. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I've been fired from every job I've tried, and this was kind of my last option. But I guess I'll go home and tell my roommates they were right about me. I'm a loser. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[weakly and stuffed with a huge belly]'' Scissors, did you… ''[stomach grumbles while he clutches it]'' Oh. …get a job yet? :'''Rock''': ''[pushes Paper aside, also stuffed with a huge belly]'' Please say yes. :'''Scissors''': Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm hiding out in a chamomile field. :'''Paper''': Oh, of course you are. Then you leave us no choice. ''[pulls a giant pizza pie]'' We're going to eat the most decadent pizza ever created. :'''Rock''': No! :'''Paper''': The Ultimate Meat Huggers Double Stuffed Deep Dishanator with 50 pounds… of cheese. ''[Rock starts crying as he eats a slice while Scissors looks confused]'' It's so… ''[grabs his stomach while groaning as it grumbles]'' ...good. :'''Rock''': ''[whimpers as Paper eats another slice]'' Oh, there's pizza underneath the pizza! ''[he and Paper eat more slices until they fall on their sides and holding their bellies in pain]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. I know what I'm good at! ''[runs away, dropping his phone]'' :'''Paper''': Oh, Rock, he ran away. We're gonna come find you, Scissors. We just want to have… ''[his stomach gurgles; groans]'' …as much fun… Oh, no. …as we're having! :'''Rock''': No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!!!!! ===''The Arctic / Prank War [1.07]''=== :'''Paper''': Why is it so hot in here? :'''Rock''': Scissors crank the heater up so he can show off his new tank top. :'''Scissors''': Check it out! It's a monster truck with enormous biceps. It's perfect for tough guys like me. I even had them print my motto on the back. '''''"If you want the 'ceps, you do the reps."''''' :'''Paper''': You don't ''do'' the reps, and why are you in a tank top? It's winter. ''[opens the window blinds, revealing the winter sky and wind]'' You're gonna overload the heater like this. It can't handle… ''[the heater suddenly breaks down and the cold air breezes into the apartment; sighs in annoyance]'' Without me, you guys would not survive. :''[The trio stand outside of Lou's apartment]'' :'''Lou''': I'm ''raising'' the rent! :'''Rock''': Lou! :'''Paper''': Hold on! :'''Scissors''': Give us a second! :'''Paper''': Listen, our heater broke and we need you to fix it. :'''Lou''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, fancy, boys, you "set" the temperature in your apartment. You don't got to turn on a hot plate and rub it on your bum. :'''Rock''': You don't got it either. :'''Lou''': Well, I can't help you. I'm on my way to Landlord Con. It's a meetup for landlords where we talk about plumbing and famous literature. :'''Scissors''': Name one book. :'''Lou''': Fine, it's just plumbing. Anyway, I'll be back in three days. Mittens, you're the new landlord while I'm gone. :''[Mittens walks out of the doorway and meows to them as if he was saying "I'm ''raising'' the rent!"]'' :'''Rock''': Mittens! :'''Paper''': Come on! :'''Scissors''': That's so unfair! ''[as he and his friends return to their apartment]'' It'll be fine. We could survive without heat for three days. :''[They enter their apartment and shockingly find it all covered in snow and icicles]'' :'''Paper''': Well, we can go stay with my mom. :'''Rock''': New adventure! Rock, Paper, Scissors move in with Paper's mom! :'''Paper''': ''[trying to open the door, but only to find that it's quickly frozen; grunting]'' It's frozen shut! We're trapped! :'''Scissors''': By the way, fun fact about monster trucks-- they don't normally have biceps. :'''Paper''': ''[groans annoyingly]'' Well, we're off to a great start. We can't call for help because our phones are frozen. ''[to Scissors]'' You won't put on a jacket because you keep saying you "run hot." :'''Scissors''': ''[shivering; resisting the cold temperature]'' T-t-tough guys like me don't g-get cold. :'''Paper''': And Rock is not taking this seriously. <hr width="y50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[wearily while making an igloo]'' I just need to finish this igloo. That'll keep us safe. :'''Rock''': Oh, here's a good one. If you were a warm, nutritious food, what warm, nutritious food would you be? ''[igloo explodes, covering them in snow]'' Do you prefer the hot or the cold? :'''Scissors''': Fun fact about me, I actually run… :'''Paper''': ''[snapping]'' Shut up! Shut up! Ah, I hate this! I am tired of you two being incapable, and I hate always being the savior of this group! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': What'll it take to get you to join? You want money, gifts, someone to hug you and say, "Good job, son"? Wait, that's what I want. :'''Paper''': Look, pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest! :'''Scissors''': ''[to Rock]'' How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now? :'''Pencil''': ''[bursting into their apartment]'' Guys, the Rat Bros asked me to join their side in the prank war! :'''Rock''': ''[shocked] WHAT?!'' Wait, I actually don't know how to feel about this yet. Keep talking. :'''Pencil''': I'm so excited! Most people don't know this about me, but I'm a huge trickster. One time, I told a coworker something was made of polycarbonate when it was actually made of polythylmethacrylate! :'''Paper''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, you are bad. <hr width="50%"> :''[The trio are hiding behind a bush in the park, watching the Rat Bros weightlifting]'' :'''Scissors''': Okay. What's the plan, new guy? :'''Paper''': I say we sneak up and blast them with my water balloon cannon. Now, Rock! Push the button! :'''Rock''': ''[tries to push the button but the laser zaps him causing him to dance uncontrollably]'' I'm trying but I can't stop dancing! :'''Scissors''': I'll do it. ''[the laser zaps him; his body starts to inflate like a balloon and floats away]'' What is- Rock, grab me! GRAB ME! ''[holds onto the cannon]'' :'''Paper''': What the heck is going- ''[the laser zaps him; screams as his neck extends like a giraffe and his giraffe-like head falls to the ground]'' Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! :''[The Rat Bros walk up to them]'' :'''Rock''': Oh, the party won't stop! :'''Logan''': 'Sup, boys? Were you planning to blast us with your secret weapon? Well, ''we'' have a secret weapon too. :'''Pencil''': ''[popping up from a nearby bush]'' I made an atomic transmogrification laser! It can alter molecular structure in really crazy ways! Watch. ''[zaps Scissors' head, causing it to also inflate]'' :'''Scissors''': My head! My head is a balloon! ''[floats away]'' :'''Paper''': Okay, this might be a bit harder than I thought. :'''Scissors''': Sharp branch! Sharp branch! :''[Scissors' nose is poked by a branch and deflates around while the Rat Bros laugh]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[wakes up when he hears loud crashing sounds]'' Did you guys hear something? ''[his brothers wake up, also hearing the sound; they walk over to Scissors, disguised as a graffiti painting, then walk over to Rock, mistaking him for a smart device]'' Smart device, play smooth jazz. ''[Rocks plays some music, but not smooth jazz; walks over to Paper holding a sign saying: "I'm a TV"; realizing something]'' Wait a second. ''[turns back to Rock]'' That's Afro-Cuban jazz! :''[Rock smiles sheepishly]'' :'''Paper''': GRAB THE LASER! <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rat Bros have tied up the trio to chairs for sneaking into their apartment and trying to steal Pencil's transmogrification laser]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[to Brody, Brogan and Derf]'' Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just wanna say I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one. :'''Pencil''': Theft, Paper? That was your plan? You know, I expected something that basic from Scissors, and maybe Rock, 'cause I don't know much about him. :'''Rock''': We should hang out more. :'''Pencil''': We should! But come on, man, up your game. It's like, I'm Issac Newton and you're Godfried-Willem Raes. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[interrupting the Prank War award ceremony while in a mech suit]'' Stop that crowning! :'''Woman''': What? Stop the crowning? :'''Paper''': ''[walks up on the stage]'' Oh, you thought this was over? ''[snickers]'' Well, ''prank! [Scissors grabs Derf from his seat; stands on the podium]'' Ladies and gentlemen, answer me this: How can the Rat Bros accept the prank crown if the Rat Bros aren't all on this planet? ''[Derf is then strapped to a rocket]'' Yes! Do it, Scissors! Wedgie that Rat Bro into space! Look at me now, Pencil! I'm Issac Newton! I'm Issac Newton! ''[laughs maniacally, shaking the podium]'' :''[Rock, Pencil, the Rat Bros, the audience and Paper all watch as Scissors is preparing to fire the missile and send Derf off into space]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[suddenly having a change of heart]'' No. ''[deactivates the rocket and sets Derf down]'' :'''Paper''': What? :'''Scissors''': No more prank war! ''[the audience gasps]'' I just had a huge revelation. Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. :'''Paper''': Wait, that's what I said. :'''Scissors''': Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. :'''Paper''': ''[baffled]'' Is he doing my speech? :'''Scissors''': As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest! :''[The audience clap and cheer, and the Rat Bros whistle]'' :'''Rock''': Whoo! <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[kneels down to Scissors]'' Good job, son. ''[he and Scissors hug as the latter sheds tears of happiness]'' ===''Key Limes / Six Pieces of Turkey [1.08]''=== :'''Scissors''': ''[pukes in the trash can and moans]'' Oh, man. Did you see me driving back there? I was cool as a cu- ''[pukes in the trash again]'' …cumber. ===''The Other Rock Paper Scissors / The Astonishing Catalina [1.09]''=== :'''Better Rock, Paper, & Scissors''': Hello! :'''Scissors''': Oh, boy. :'''Better Rock''': Come in, come in! :'''Paper''': Huh. Your place looks similar to ours. :'''Scissors''': Although, I see you don't see have a TV. :'''Better Scissors''': Why would we need a TV? We're too entertained by our friends. :'''Rock, Paper & Scissors''': Ugh. :'''Better Rock''': Thanks for bringing these over. Funny enough, we just got some of your mail today, too. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': I don't understand. :'''Scissors''': You're smarter than us, you're nicer than us, you're at least 15 other things better than us. What's wrong with you guys?! :'''Better Scissors''': You tell us. We're always willing to grow. :''[Scissors yells in rage]'' :'''Better Paper''': Hey, you seem upset. Why don't we all go to the couch and talk about our feelings? :''[The better trio fly back to the couch]'' :'''Rock''': You fly too?! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': We can live like this. <hr width="50%"> :'''Catalina''': Why won't you let me do the trick?! :'''Scissors''': Because it makes me feel uncool! :'''Catalina''': What are you talking about? You're effortlessly cool! The only way I can feel cool is by doing magic! :'''Scissors''': I find that hard to believe, 'cause everything about you is cool! You're stylish and confident and turn horses into dragons! :'''Catalina''': But you never blink an eye! I've done so many horrible things to you and you always say you can live like this! :'''Scissors''': YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON I KNOW! :'''Catalina''': THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT ''YOU!'' ===''Pencil Comes Over / The Wind [1.10]''=== :'''Paper''': I can't believe that worked. :'''Scissors''': I know. It went exactly like I-''[pukes on the ground]'' Oh, whatever. <hr width="50%"> :'''Sandpaper''': You're the vomit boy? :'''Scissors''': That was one time and it hasn't happened si- ''[pukes on the ground again]'' Oh, why? ===''The Holiday Picture / Scrubs [1.11]''=== :'''Rock''': Guys! We got more holiday cards! :'''Paper''': ''[disappointed]'' Man, everyone looks so perfect in these photos-- Lou, the Rat Bros, even Crazy-Eyed Pirate. :'''Rock''': Who? :'''Scissors''': I don't know. We met a lot of wacky characters. It's hard to keep track. :'''Paper''': Why can't ''we'' take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went Super Saiyan. :'''Scissors''': That year was awesome! :'''Paper''': And the year Rock dressed up as some old cartoon character. :''[The last photo shows Rock in his Rocko getup from [[w:List of Rocko's Modern Life characters|Rocko's Modern Life]]]'' :'''Rock''': You didn't enjoy ''"Rocko, Paper, Scissors"?'' :'''Paper''': Eh, it was okay. :'''Scissors''': I liked that show. The main guy was always like… ''[imitating Rocko's voice]'' "Hey, mate, I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky. He-he." ''[normally]'' Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression. :'''Paper''': I just want ''one'' perfect holiday photo. <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': Wait. Where ''is'' your chain? :'''Scissors''': Oh! Toast Ghost is covering it! Aw, man! Now the caption doesn't make any sense! <hr width="50%"> :''[The trio are eating at a cafe while Paper is dressed in a medical uniform and scrubs, much to Scissors' jealousy]'' :'''Scissors''': So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes. :'''Paper''': Whatever do you mean? :'''Rock''': Guys, let's be peaceful. :'''Scissors''': I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears. :'''Paper''': Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas. :'''Scissors''': And the stethoscope? :'''Paper''': I thought it was a necklace. :'''Scissors''': Yeah? You wear necklaces now? :'''Rock''': Scissors, take a breath. :'''Scissors''': This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper! :'''Orange-haired Kid''': Wow, a real-life hero! ''[offers Paper to sign his autograph]'' How can I be a doctor one day? :'''Paper''': I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes. :'''Scissors''': That's literally all he did! :'''Rock''': Let's ask ''why'' this upsets you. :'''Scissors''': Rock, you went on one meditation retreat, you're not some wise, old sage. ''[points to Paper]'' And ''he's'' not a doctor! I bet he can't even tell you what hospital he works at! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[grumbles annoyingly]'' I'm gonna get more respect than ''you,'' Paper. And I know someone's society respects even ''more'' than doctors. ''[walks off and comes back, wearing a basketball jersey]'' :'''Paper''': What are you wearing? :'''Scissors''': A basketball jersey… Which I guess makes me a professional basketball player. :'''Paper''': Oh, please. You really think people are going to believe that you're… :'''Woman''': Ronald Jamison! <hr width="50%"> :'''Orange-haired Kid''': ''[sitting with three humanoid children pair of scissors]'' What the heck is going on? <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Come on, Paper, I'm really hurt! Just admit you're not a doctor! :'''Paper''': Only if ''you'' admit you're ''not'' Ronald Jamison! :'''Scissors''': Why don't I admit myself to the hospital…where you don't work! ===''Bowling / The Character Quiz [1.12]''=== :'''Rock''': Want to tell your problems to a rock you never met? :'''Bowling Owner''': ''[sighs]'' It's that Scissors guy. He's putting me out of business. See? At my bowling alley, a perfect score gets you a free tub of curly fries and a free game. And Scissors got so good at bowling, he hasn't paid for a game in 2 years. :'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain. :''[Scissors laughs deviously while wearing an evil mustache made of curly fries]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[to Scissors]'' Listen, Scissors. It would really help the owner if you started paying for curly fries. :'''Scissors''': Oh, naive Rock, always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting deals for all... they're... worth! ''[laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash behind him]'' Man, these deals make me a maniac. :'''Rock''': I like to believe that if you reach out your arms to others, their arms will reach back out to you. :'''Scissors''': You also believe the Earth is heart-shaped. I can't trust anything you say. :'''Rock''': Then how about this? I challenge you to a game of bowling. If I win, you have to start paying for curly fries. But if you win, you get the bowling alley. :'''Scissors''': Seriously? I mean, yeah, of course. That's a very uneven deal. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again. :'''Rock''': Don't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. ''[hands him a letter]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[reads the letter]'' '''''"Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!"''''' ''[later cut to him talking to a therapist]'' I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! ''[lightning bolts flash behind him once again]'' :'''Therapist''': And where do you think that comes from? :'''Scissors''': ''[starts crying]'' I don't know! <hr width="50%"> :''[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: "The Gang's All Here" and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]'' :'''Creepo''': I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. ''[hisses at a car that just passed him]'' I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! ''[holds up a jar of his chest hair]'' :'''Dave''': Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave. :'''Rock''': See? :'''Logan''': ''[enters the trio's apartment]'' I heard you guys got Stephernie. ''I'' got Stephernie! :'''Brody''': I got Fire Hydrant. :'''Lou''': ''[sliding in]'' I got Dave! :'''Scissors''': Sure. :'''Logan''': I see that. :'''Paper''': Me too. :'''Rock''': How? How do you see that? :'''Logan''': Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. ''[he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party. :'''Scissors''': Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive. :'''Paper''': Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too? :'''Sandpaper''': Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no. Secret's out. :'''Scissors''': ''[noticing something]'' Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is '''''not''''' a Stephernie! ''[the others gasp in shock]'' No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. ''[to Sandpaper]'' What's Stephernie's last name?! :'''Sandpaper''': Stephernie. :'''Scissors''': Good. ''[to Baron Von Snootsberg]'' Walk like Stephernie! ''[Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey]'' Good. ''[to Robot Executive]'' In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house? :'''Robot Executive''': Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party! :''[Paper sighs in relief]'' :'''Scissors''': That's exactly what she said. :'''Paper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… ''[everyone looks at him, suspiciously]'' in a Stephernie way. ''[walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]'' :'''Robot Executive''': Yes, that checks out. :'''Scissors''': Yeah, very Stephernie. :'''Rock''': ''[on the phone with Paper]'' You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior. :'''Paper''': ''[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth]'' You just said you're breaking into a TV studio! :'''Rock''': For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake! :'''Paper''': Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie. :'''Rock''': Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars. :'''Paper''': What is this show? :'''Scissors''': ''[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything]'' Not a Stephernie, huh? :'''Paper''': I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me! :'''Scissors''': ''[kneels down]'' Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana? :'''Paper''': Seriously, what is this show? <hr width="50%"> :'''Wizard''': Listen, Fire Hydrant, I'm your brother. And I don't think this man you're dating is right for you. :'''Fire Hydrant''': I can't help it. I like my men like I like my fires… Smokin'! <hr width="50%"> :'''Creepo''': Hey, pal. ''You're'' the Creepo here. Here's your popsicle stick and your chest hair. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I'm sorry, Paper. I should have never tried to dunk you in a vat of hot lava just for not identifying with the same fictional TV character. :'''Paper''': And ''I'm'' sorry that-- ''[realizes]'' actually, my thing wasn't that bad. ===''Potato / The Fart Joke Debate [1.13]''=== :'''Paper''': It's "The Paper Show"! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. ''[Logan gets up and walks away]'' The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... ''[throws some things which are deadly and screams]'' Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? ''[drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing]'' No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started. :'''Scissors''': Jacket! :'''Paper''': Can I get another word? :'''Pencil''': Circus! :'''Paper''': Can I get a fruit that's round and orange? :'''Rock''': Kumquat! :''[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]'' :'''Paper''': ''[rapping]'' When I say "Paper", you say "rules". Paper- :'''Rock, Scissors, Pencil, & Lou''': No. <hr width="50%"> :'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Eh. I just don't like fart jokes. :''[everyone gasps in horror]'' :'''Rock''': What did you say? :'''Paper''': I don't think they're funny. :''[everyone gasps again]'' :'''Scissors''': Not even Long Squeakers? :'''Pencil''': Butt Trumpets? :'''Rock''': Wet and Nasties? :'''Paper''': Ew, what? No. :'''Scissors''': ''[to Pencil and Rock]'' Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… ''are'' funny. ===''Paper's Secret Weapon / The Sled Hill [1.14]'' === :'''Paper''': ''[mumbling to himself while working]'' Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then. :'''Scissors''': Hey, Paper. What are you working on? :'''Paper''': ''[turns around with an angry face]'' I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy! :'''Rock''': Whoa. :'''Scissors''': Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it. :'''Paper''': Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! ''[karate kicks a wall and runs off]'' :'''Rock''': We might have made him a little too angry. :'''Scissors''': Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry. :'''Rock''': ''[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling]'' Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always. :''[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]'' :'''Paper''': Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Scissors, I forbid you from sledding down that hill. It's a slippery slope ''straight'' to the emergency room. Also, don't add anything I didn't say during this flashback. I'm a big stick-in-the-mud, poopy-pants, poop-poop guy. <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground]'' Scissors, are you alright? :'''Scissors''': ''[sits up]'' Oh, my arm. :'''Rock''': ''[looks at Scissors' right arm]'' Looks okay to me. ''[sees his broken left arm]'' Oh, the ''broken'' arm. :'''Scissors''': ''[whining]'' Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this. :'''Rock''': Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. ''[opens the case and springs pop out of it]'' It's also a comedy school. :'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' :'''Rock''': We gotta get Paper. :'''Scissors''': No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, "I was right" like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me? :'''Rock''': I'm with you. ''[high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing]'' Oh, right. Your arm. ===''Scissors' Catapult / Pencil and Potato [1.15]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work]'' Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. ''[he goes to the roof instead]'' However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- ''[he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully]'' I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. ''[whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster]'' Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. ''[accidentally breaks the chair]'' Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. ''[tries to push the fridge to make it fall]'' And is this fridge gonna fall? ''[straining]'' Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on! :'''Rock''': Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them? '''Future Kevin''': If you're not going to mow my lawn, I'll make ''you'' mow my lawn! '''Future Scissors''': ''[while wearing a horse costume]'' You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?<hr width="50%"> :'''Pencil''': But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home! :'''Scissors''': There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything! :'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub? :'''Rock''': Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest. :'''Paper''': Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest. : : : :'''Potato''': Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest. : : : : :'''Waitress''': I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic. :''[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]'' :'''Rock''': Oh, no. He's running out of conversation. :'''Scissors''': Quick! Feed him a line! : :'''Paper''': Uh… ''[touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger]'' Flub-Bub. : : :'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub! :'''Waitress''': ''[swoons]'' Oh, Flub-Bub. :''[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]'' :'''Scissors''': Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe. :'''Flub-Bub''': ''[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice]'' Flub-Bubby! :'''Rock''': Oh. :'''Scissors''': Right. :'''Paper''': Totally forgot about that. ===''Resolutions / Paper's Book Club [1.16]''=== :'''Scissors''': You know calculators are usually smaller than that, right? And don't run on someone shoveling in coal? :'''Paper''': Whatever, it works. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure. :'''Rock''': And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions. :'''Scissors''': But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year. :'''Rock''': You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[talking about Scissors' resolution]'' January 1st: Scissors sees a poorly-translated Foreign film called ''"Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success"''. :'''Buff Man''': I lift weight, prove I big success! :'''Paper''': The resolution is made. January 2nd: Scissors buys every piece of gym equipment he can find and a giant tub of muscle powder. ''[Scissors tries to open the lid]'' But he's not strong enough to open the lid. January 3rd: Scissors eats an entire chocolate cake, feels badly about himself, and gives up on his resolution. And that's the end of the story. Although, there was a day in mid July where Scissors remembered the resolution and had a moment of renewed resolve. But then he ate another entire chocolate cake and felt terrible about himself. :''[Scissors moans in disappointment]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs. :'''Rock''': You did what?! :''[Scissors queasily pukes in the toilet due to a bad pain in his stomach]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Ugh, I'm gonna look like a fool! Paper makes me so mad I could just flip this… ''[tries to flip over the weight bench]'' well, maybe not the weight bench, but these tinier weights! ''[tries to flip them]'' Or at least this weight bench instruction manual! ''[tries to flip the manual; groans]'' How is this possible?! ''[later sits on the floor, watching "Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success" while eating an entire chocolate cake and feeling horrible about himself… as usual]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[to Paper]'' Hey, can we talk for a second? ''[looks at the camera]'' Uh, off camera? ''[cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them]'' Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary. :'''Paper''': ''[sighs]'' Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… ''[turns to the camera]'' because I needed it for this movie! ''[laughs and leaves]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]'' :'''Rock''': There were hamsters in there? :'''Paper''': ''[to Scissors]'' How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds! :'''Scissors & Rock''': ''[both gasp; simultaneously]'' I completed my New Year's resolution! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Let's sharpen our pens! ''[sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]'' :'''Rock''': Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen ''my'' pen! ''[does the same thing like Scissors did]'' :''[Words appear reading: '''"Don't try this at home. Obviously."''']'' :'''Paper''': ''[annoyed while he facepalms]'' Doofuses. ''[suddenly gets an idea]'' Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know! <hr width="50%"> :'''News Reporter''': This just in, multiple business owners are sad today, as they've had to close from all the free things they've given away to satisfy customer complaints. And as we all know, the only people who write complaints are whiny little poops. Here's a sketch of what such poops may or may not look like. :''[A drawing sketch of Rock and Scissors is shown]'' :'''Rock''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no, we're hurting people! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[attempting to return all the free stuff]'' I'm giving it back! :'''Scissors''': ''[trying to stop him]'' You're not giving it back! :'''Paper''': ''[barges into the apartment]'' Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… ''[looks around at all the free stuff]'' have no idea what this is. :'''Rock''': Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. ''[A pink flamingo walks past them]'' I don't even know what we complained about to get that. :'''Paper''': Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's ''bad,'' because people who complain are automatically viewed as right. :'''Scissors''': See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified. :'''Rock''': Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island? <hr width="50%"> :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': Thanks for coming into the Nickelodeon offices today, Scissors. We brought you in because we received a complaint letter from, well, him. :''[Rock sits next to her and crosses his arms while glaring at Scissors, revealing he's the one who wrote the letter]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Oh, you whiny little poop. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[reading the letter] '''"Dear Nickelodeon… In your program, "Rock Paper Scissors", Scissors' behavior has been morally reprehensible."''''' :'''Scissors''': Everyone's ''so'' sensitive. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[continues reading] '''"He rarely learns lessons, and, when given the opportunity to grow, continues with awful behavior."''''' :'''Scissors''': Yeah, that's what makes me fun. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[finishes reading] '''"This is not a character who should be exposed to our children. Please do something immediately."''''' I'm sorry, but we're suspending you from the show for two weeks. :'''Scissors''': WHAT?! (Two weeks?!) Who are you even gonna get to replace me? :''[The show's intro plays with Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel as Scissors' temporary replacement and the show's title being changed to "Rock Paper Nutso"]'' :'''Nutso''': This show's about to get Nutso! ===''National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[stretching himself]'' Alright, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! ''[exits the apartment building, and is surprised to see the whole town celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]'' :'''Rock''': Happy International Rock Day! :'''Paper''': International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday. :'''Rock''': Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors. :'''Scissors''': ''[leading a marching band]'' Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': (Hello?) Is this the Committee of National Holidays? :'''Rock''': ''[turning around in his chair, revealing himself]'' You bet it is! :'''Paper''': ''[suprised]'' Rock?! ''You're'' on the committee?! :'''Rock''': Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day. :'''Raspberry Cake''': I'm cake. :'''Paper''': ''[disbelieved]'' Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please. :''[The representatives all laugh]'' :'''Rock''': Paper, we don't just ''give'' out days. :'''Pencil''': Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one. :'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here. :'''Pencil''': Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears. <hr width="50%"> :'''Potato''': That presentation was ''terrible.'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying a bunch of groceries]'' :'''Paper''': Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries? :'''Scissors''': ''[sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich]'' I would, but my hands are full. :'''Rock''': Well, just put it down. :'''Scissors''': ''[now holding a lamp]'' Now I have another thing. :'''Paper''': Scissors! :''[Scissors whistles while holding a sandwich, a lamp, and three bowling balls]'' :'''Rock''': Scissors, come on! Can you just help us ''one'' time? <hr width="50%"> :'''Nice Scissors''': Excuse me. Could I talk to you about helping? :'''Traffic Cop Scissors''': Can't you see I'm busy directing traffic? ''[makes the cars crash into each other and laughs evilly]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[A memory footage shows Young Scissors running down the school hallway, and accidentally rips his pants while crouching down to pick up a piece of paper, showing his underwear and butt crack]'' :'''Young Scissors''': Oh, no! I ripped my pants at school! ''[gets attacked by a Pterodactyl that swooped in]'' :'''Nice Scissors''': That was a bad day. ===''The Family Business / Glitter Bomb [1.18]''=== :'''Rock''': ''[covered in glitter after singing a tune while getting mail]'' What just happened? :'''Scissors''': I think someone sent you a glitter bomb. :'''Rock''': ''[getting angry]'' Do you know how difficult it is to remove glitter? Who would do this to me? ''[sadly]'' Who would do this to me?! ''[furiously]'' WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?! ''[After Rock catches Paper with a fishing pole]'' '''Paper''': No! Please! Please! '''Rock''': ''[holds up tape]'' It's folding time. '''Paper''': Forgive me! Forgive me! No! '''Rock''': ''[reveals the words on the tape saying "Gotcha"] [happy]'' Gotcha! '''Paper''': What? '''Scissors''': ''[runs up to him]'' Gotcha! Oh, man. We got you so good! '''Paper''': What the heck is going on? '''Rock''': We knew you did the glitter bomb the whole time. '''Scissors''': So we thought it'd be funny if Rock pretended to be ''enraged'' by it and go on a crazy manhunt to scare you. '''Paper''': What?! '''Scissors''': Yeah, all of us were in on it. The mailman, Chad BrockChad, all the prisoners. '''Rock''': ''[giggles]'' Pretty funny, huh, Paper? '''Paper''': Are you insane? This isn't funny at all! I thought my life was in danger! '''Scissors''': It's just a joke. '''Paper''': I've been living Alaska for eight months! I bought a house here! I- ''[stammers]'' Look. I should have never tried to be funny, but you two shouldn't have either, so no more jokes. Okay? From now on, let's just all agree that none of us are funny. '''Rock''': Yeah. I guess none of us are funny. '''Scissors''': Not a one of us. ''[the trio sadly stare one by one at the viewer]'' ===''Diapers / R.O.V.E.R. [1.19]''=== :'''Paper''': Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful. :'''Scissors''': Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation. :'''Paper''': You don't ''have'' a cool reputation. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[after throwing all the diapers into the ocean as they start absorbing]'' Oh, no! I forgot how absorbent they are! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure. :'''Scissors''': ''[sobbing]'' AND MINE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS! :'''Rock''': Yeah, we heard about that. ''[outside the apartment building, a giant diaper rolls down the street, passing by]'' It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along. :'''Scissors''': How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! ''[Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's signifying it]'' It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks cold, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… ''[Rock and Paper both sulk]'' Or Rock's. ===''Trash [1.20]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[sniffs an unpleasant smell]'' What is that smell? :'''Scissors''': ''[looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around]'' I think it's Rock. :'''Paper''': Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash? :'''Scissors''': ''[waving his hand; dismissively]'' Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it. :'''Paper''': No, do it now. :'''Scissors''': I'll do it really soon. <hr width="50%"> :'''Dian''': I'm at my breaking point, Chris. We've dealt with too much noise and agony from all these wacky Rock Paper Scissors shenanigans. ''[flashback shows multiple episodes from the past]'' The rhino stomping around when Putty was there, the meltwater dripping through when their place turned into the Arctic, last Christmas, they were 10 different ghosts, and at one point, Scissors farted into a microphone and blew out all the windows in the building. What's it going to take for us to go up there and say something? ==Season 2== ===''Franz Roll and the Lost Rainbow Pants of Atraxes the Apple Bottomed [2.01]''=== ===''Paper and Pencil Tell a Joke / Scissors' Orchestra [2.02]''=== Pencil: Paper! PAPER! I got it! Paper: Pencil, are you okay? Pencil: (snoring loudly) ===''Shoot / Rock's First Day of Work [2.03]''=== ===''Paper Attends an Elite Institution / The New Landlord [2.04]''=== :'''Scissors''': You wanna go home? :'''Paper''': Why? Because you think I can't ''handle'' 3rd grade? :'''Scissors''': No, because I do not care about this. :'''Paper''': Oh, yeah, you think I'm too stupid that I can't get ''one'' "A"? :'''Scissors''': Listen. I know I usually antagonize you in situations like this, but I'm really not invested here. Rock and I are apartment-sitting for Pencil this week, and we're gonna play with all her cool gadgets, which seems like way more fun than this… frankly sad 3rd grade development. So, do whatever you want, but again, I could not care less. :'''Paper''': Well, ''I'll'' show you, Scissors! I ''will'' get an "A", an "A-plus", with a good job sticker on top! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[holding up one of Pencil's gadgets]'' Scissors, look! Pencil has a shapeshifter! ''[activates it, turning him and Scissors into snowmen]'' :'''Rock & Scissors''': Whoa! ''[they then turn into [[w:Minecraft|Minecraft]] style]'' Whoa! :'''Paper''': Well, I bet you're ''loving'' this, Scissors! Old doofus Paper failing 3rd grade! :''[Rock and Scissors have turned into an apple and a banana]'' :'''Scissors''': Again, I do not care. :'''Paper''': And now I have a group project due at the end of the week on genetic engineering and no one will want to work with me 'cause I'm the least intelligent kid in the class! :''[Rock and Scissors have then turned into frogs]'' :'''Scissors''': Paper, we've turned ourselves into frogs. We're looking for flies. :'''Paper''': Could we just acknowledge this?! This is insane! I mean, Rock, do ''you'' know quantum mechanics? :'''Rock''': Of course! I learned it in the 3rd grade. <hr width="50%"> :'''Catalina''': I'll be back, Scissors! And next time, I'll take you down! :'''Scissors''': Not if I take you down first. :'''Catalina''': How could you?! You have the brain of an ant! :'''Scissors''': And you have the face of the dead! :'''Catalina''': I hate you so much! :'''Scissors''': I HATE YOU MORE! :''[They slowly start to kiss, but snap out of it and look away from each other, awkwardly]'' :'''Catalina''': Anyway, you're the worst. :'''Scissors''': Yeah, uh… same to you. :'''Rock''': What is happening with them?! ===''The Origami Robot / Scissors Sees An Inspirational Sports Movie [2.05]''=== :''[The trio's apartment is being decorated for the holidays and Paper and Pencil are decorating the Christmas tree together]'' :'''Paper''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' I love the holidays. It really is the best time of year. :'''Pencil''': Yeah. You get to relax, have some quiet time, and… :'''Rock''': ''[barging in with Scissors clutching his stomach in pain]'' SCISSORS ATE A PINECONE! :'''Pencil''': What?! Why?! :'''Scissors''': Rock dared me to! :'''Rock''': No, I said, "Don't do that!" :'''Scissors''': Which I took as a dare! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': I'm with Paper. This really is the best time of year. :'''Paper''': It is. And I'm glad everything worked out. :'''Pencil''': Although I do feel bad the robot didn't remove the pinecone. :''[Zoom out to reveal Scissors laying flat on the floor with the pine tree growing out of his buttocks, which Paper and Pencil were decorating]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' Not as bad as I do. <hr width="50%"> :''[Scissors is watching an inspirational sports movie when Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying groceries]'' :'''Paper''': Oh, shoot! He's watching an inspirational sports movie! :'''Rock''': Every time he sees one of those, he thinks ''he'' can do that stuff! :'''Paper''': Turn it off! TURN IT OFF! :'''Rock''': ''[searching everywhere for the remote]'' I can't! Where's the remote?! :'''Crowd''': ''[chanting on TV]'' Scrudy! Scrudy! :'''Paper''': I DON'T KNOW! JUST RIP THE CORD OUT OF THE WALL! :'''Rock''': Which one?! THERE ARE SO MANY CORDS! ===''The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06]''=== :''[Paper and Scissors are watching Rock playing a [[w:The Sims (video game)|Sims]] parody video game, until they hear the Rat Bros laughing and cheering from above the fourth floor]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Are the Rat Bros having another party? :'''Rock''': They are such jerks! :'''Paper''': Let's go up there and tell them to start being respectable members of society. :'''Scissors''': Okay, but just don't get on your high horse again. :''[Cut to them standing outside the Rat Bros' apartment while Paper rides on his high horse; Scissors knocks on the door]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' 'Sup, bros? Oh, are we tutoring too loud? :'''Paper''': Tutoring? :'''Logan''': Yeah. We tutor underprivileged kids all the time. ''[shows his brothers tutoring four children]'' Ruby, tell 'em the thesis of your report. :'''Ruby''': In a juxtaposition of the sublime and the banal, the artist's oeuvre deftly encapsulates the ephemeral nature of human experience. :''[Derf blares a party air horn; the trio are baffled by what they just saw and are back in their apartment…]'' :'''Scissors''': What the heck was that?! :'''Rock''': The Rat Bros aren't supposed to be better than us! They're supposed to be one-dimensional bad guys! :'''Paper''': Yeah! I refuse to live in a world where the Rat Bros are morally superior. Because then we can't judge them! And that's how I feel good about myself! :'''Scissors''': Paper, get off the horse. :'''Paper''': I can't, I need a step stool! :''[Meanwhile, in the Rat Bros' apartment…]'' :'''Logan''': ''[laughing]'' Did you see how upset they were? :'''Brogan''': Our altruistic plan is totally working! :'''Derf''': We are such jerks! :'''Rat Bros''': ''[chest bumping]'' Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! :'''Brody''': ''[confused]'' But wait… are we jerks? Tutoring these kids is really nice. Bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. :'''Logan''': Brody, don't be ridiculous. We're only doing good things to make Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel bad about themselves, which is a jerk thing to do. And remember, the two rules of being a Rat Bro: If a bro asks you to spot 'em, you gotta spot 'em. And what's number two, kids? :'''Kids''': Rat Bros are jerks because jerks are cool. :'''Logan''': And you wanna be cool, right, Brody? :'''Brody''': Of course. That's my one and only thought. :''[Zoom into his head and brain]'' :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. :'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Shower? :'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. <hr width="50%"> :''[Rat Bros' apartment; Logan is reading an article about the trio being the best guys in town and receiving all the praise]'' :'''Logan''': ''[outraged]'' Ugh! This makes me so mad! Why do we still pay for the newspaper?! ''[throws the newspaper on the ground and marches over to the weight bench]'' Brogan, spot me. I'm doing an angry set! We cannot let Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel good about themselves. We have to beat them! :'''Brody''': Wait, Logan. Are you saying… :'''Logan''': Yes, Brody. It's time for an altruistic-off! :'''Ruby''': Altruistic-off: A competition in which people or groups try to win by doing the most good for society. :'''Logan''': Uh, Ruby, you can go home. Okay. Derf, go save the whales. Brogan and I will eliminate political corruption. And Brody? Get a PhD in robotic engineering to give people without limbs the best in robotic prostheses. :'''Derf''': But, Logan, I already have a PhD in robotic engineering. :'''Logan''': Too late. I already gave out the assignments. :''[Another article shows the Rat Bros being #1 good guys and receiving more praise]'' :'''Rock''': ''[reading the article; infuriated]'' This is terrible! Newspapers are so important, and no one cares anymore! ''[throws the newspaper in anger]'' :'''Scissors''': What's the point of cleaning all this garbage off the street if we're losing?! ''[pushes the huge garbage bag out the window, and it splatters on the street, covering some people in garbage]'' :'''Paper''': We have to beat the Rat Bros, otherwise, I won't be able to judge them on my high horse! And how am I supposed to feel good about myself then, by winning horse races? ''[the horse shakes its head no]'' See? He's not into it! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Feast your eyes, Rat Bros! I have created a device that will solve the global housing crisis by spitting out a fully-built house in just ''five'' seconds! :'''Scissors''': We're gonna officially unveil it tomorrow at the Nobel Prize ceremony and beat you once and for all! :'''Rock''': Build houses! That's what we should do! :'''Paper''': See? He got there. ''[he and his friends leave with their invention]'' :'''Logan''': ''[frustrated]'' D'oh! I can't believe they're gonna beat us! They are such… good guys. :'''Brody''': Actually, I think we'll still win. :'''Logan''': What do you mean? :'''Brody''': I saw a flaw in the device's engine. If they try to use that thing, it'll explode. :'''Derf''': Yes! :'''Brogan''': Sweet! :'''Logan''': All right! :'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! :'''Brody''': ''[quietly as Logan and Brogan walk away]'' Nice, bro. :'''Derf''': ''[noticing Brody's timidity; concerned]'' Hey, are you okay? :'''Brody''': Yeah, I'm cool. ''[chuckles awkwardly]'' Cool. I'm cool! Ha-ha. Cool guy. Super cool Brody. Listen, can I tell you something? You remember how I got my PhD from Princeton, right? :'''Derf''': Yeah, in two days. Very impressive. :'''Brody''': Well, I got a job at a hospital working in robotic prosthetics. ''[Flashback begins with him putting some robotic arms on his patient: Mr. Drake]'' All right, Mr. Drake. Test them out. :'''Mr. Drake''': ''[grips his robotic arms, controlling them; surprised]'' Oh my gosh. I-I can wave! I can point! I can… ''[uses them to scratch an itch on his behind]'' Oooh, I've been waiting to scratch that for 25 years! :'''Brody''': ''[voice-over]'' But then, something weird happened. :'''Mr. Drake''': Could I… hug you? It would be the first hug I've ever given. :'''Brody''': ''[unsure]'' Um… I don't really-- :'''Mr. Drake''': ''[hugging him; sobbing happily]'' Thank you, Brody. You changed my life! :'''Brody''': ''[hugs him in return with his eyes tearing up; voice-over]'' It felt amazing! And for the first time, I had a new thought. :''[Zoom into his head and brain]'' :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. :'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Be good. :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. :'''Brody's Neuron #2''': We really should shower, though. :'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! :''[Back to the present]'' :'''Brody''': I think… I think I might be a good guy. :'''Derf''': ''[gasps in dramatic shock]'' No. Brody, no. A-are you sure? :'''Brody''': This morning, I wrote a big check to a food bank! :'''Derf''': But you know the rules… jerks are cool. Good guys are… I don't even know! :'''Brody''': Derf, I get it. But I'm thinking about that machine and… it just feels wrong to do nothing. Those homes would help so many people. :'''Derf''': Look, I know it's tough, but sometimes you gotta make hard choices in life. Do you want to foster the well-being of millions… or be cool? ''[starts to walk away]'' :'''Brody''': Hey, Derf… when you were saving the whales, were you thinking about beating Rock, Paper, and Scissors, or about how good it felt to save those whales? :'''Derf''': ''[thinking for a second]'' Get some rest, bro. ''[resumes walking away]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Next day at the Nobel Prize ceremony… while the trio are preparing to present their house-building invention, Brody sneaks into backstage to fix it, and finds that Logan was already there, feeling deeply betrayed by finding out about his "being good" conversation with Derf]'' :'''Brody''': ''[surprised]'' Logan! :'''Logan''': ''[disappointed]'' I knew I'd find you here. Your "nice, bro" chest bump yesterday was lackluster at best. I gotta say, I feel betrayed… like Edmond Dantès in ''The Count of Monte Cristo.'' :'''Brody''': That's a very literate reference. :'''Logan''': Ah, we covered a lot in tutoring. :'''Brody''': I'm sorry, but I can't let that device explode. :'''Logan''': Spot me. :'''Brody''': ''[having to have heard that; shocked]'' What? Here?! :'''Logan''': I wanna do a set. ''[Brody obeys and sets down the pliers]'' Why are you doing this, Brody?! :'''Brody''': The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of. :'''Logan''': Is that Blaise Pascal? :'''Brody''': We covered a lot in tutoring. <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[to Brody; irked]'' You said it wouldn't work! Ugh, whatever. We'll find another way to get Rock, Paper, and Scissors. ''[walks off]'' :'''Brody''': ''[turns to the invention; puzzled]'' But how did it not explode? :'''Derf''': ''[off-screen]'' I guess we'll never know. :'''Brody''': ''[turns to him holding the pliers, revealing '''he's''' the one who fixed it; surprised]'' Derf?! :'''Derf''': ''[hands Brody back the pliers]'' Maybe being a good guy is cool too. ''[walks off into the sunset as Brody smiles touchingly, realizing that their conversation changed his mind]'' :'''Paper''': ''[with his foot stuck in the saddle's stirrup]'' HELP! I'm stuck in the stirrup! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Scissors, I don't know if you know this, but we're big Lolly fans. :'''Rock''': Yeah, we're in the Lolly Army. ''[he and Paper put on Lolly ponytails]'' :'''Paper''': How did you get a date with her? :'''Scissors''': I just asked. See, most men are afraid of rejection, but not me. I'm used to rejection. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': First of all, every track is a banger. :'''Rock''': Also, this Scissors guy sounds like a jerk. :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Rock! <hr width="50%"> :''[Lolly writes an album about Scissors after their disastrous date when he accidentally spilled his spaghetti noodles on her dress, making him become the most hated person on Earth]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the TV after watching the news]'' This is terrible! I gotta go down to Convenient News and tell everyone I'm not a bad guy! ''[walks down the street, passing a crowd, angrily booing at him]'' I know, I know, but I'll explain everything on TV! :'''Driver''': This is for Lolly! ''[splashes water on him]'' :'''Driver #2''': This is also for Lolly! ''[splashes more water on him]'' :'''Driver #3''': ''[throws out a bucket of snakes]'' EAT SNAKES, JERK! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[returns to his apartment; bummed]'' Of all the bad days in my life, that probably broke the top 50. ''[sees his friends dancing to Lolly's album]'' :'''Paper''': By the way, I'd also recommend not going online. :'''Rock''': We wrote some really nasty stuff. :'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the music]'' Guys, this is serious! I can't even leave the house! I gotta get everyone to stop hating me. :'''Rock''': I don't know how you could do that. :'''Paper''': Yeah, Lolly's the victim here. :'''Scissors''': ''[as an idea pops into his head]'' That's it! ''That's'' how you win over the public sympathy! I just need to out-victim Lolly. <hr width="50%"> :'''Lolly''': This is ''way'' out of hand! Sure, Scissors messed up, but doesn't deserve ''this.'' And frankly, you guys are so intense sometimes it scares me. I mean, is that a mythological war hammer?! ''[Paper is shown to be holding and electrical war hammer and he and Rock sadly hang their heads down]'' So please, take it down a notch. And you don't need to do things like this for me. I'm not a god. ''[stops the meteor from hitting the Earth; voice booming] '''NO!''''' :'''Meteor''': Whatever you say, Lolly! Love the new album! ''[flies away into space]'' :''[Everyone leaves, saying sorry]'' :'''Paper''': Sorry, Lolly. :'''Lolly''': I heard your apology. I'm glad you learned your lesson. And I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have written 16-full length songs about why you were terrible. :'''Scissors''': Sixteen? I thought you only wrote ten. :'''Lolly''': No, I only released ten. I might release the other six as bonus tracks. ''[Everyone comes back, screaming excitedly]'' But I might not! :'''Everyone''': ''[disappointed]'' Aww! ''[walk away]'' :'''Lolly''': Hey, all this aside, I did still have fun with you. So maybe we could go on a second date. What do you think? :'''Scissors''': ''[thinking about it for a moment]'' Hard pass. :'''Lolly''': What? :'''Scissors''': Do you have any idea how awful you made my life? I was the most hated man on Earth. The nation of Japan publicly denounced me. And I was almost torn apart by 2,000 psychopaths in bows. So, yes, I '''''did''''' learn a lesson, but it was to never, ever date pop stars. Hard pass. ''[walks away]'' :'''Lolly''': That wasn't very nice. I should write an album about that. ===''Paper Takes the Phones / The Bedtime Story [2.07]''=== :''[Paper takes away Rock and Scissors' cellphones for confiscation, forcing them to spend quality with him in putting together a puzzle]'' :'''Rock''': Hey! :'''Scissors''': Give it back! :'''Paper''': You know, I just want us all to connect, but you're always on your phones. :'''Scissors''': Name one comedic example. ===''Scissors is a Good Boy / Paper's Family Get-Together [2.08]''=== :'''Franz''': Wait. Who is that? ''[points to Scissors, mistaking him for a dog]'' Look at you! You are such a good boy! :'''Scissors''': ''[baffled]'' Does he think I'm a dog? :'''Franz''': ''[throws a ball]'' Fetch! :'''Scissors''': I mean, I'm gonna get the ball. It's a cool ball. :'''Franz''': ''[turns to Rock]'' Rock, your dog is amazing! :'''Rock''': Uh, that's not my dog. :'''Franz''': So it's a stray? I must have it! ''[to Scissors]'' How'd you like to come live with your new doggie daddy? :'''Scissors''': Dude, I'm '''''not''''' a dog. <hr width="50%"> :'''Parchment Paper''': Paper? What's going on? And why are your friends here? :'''Scissors''': We kidnapped Paper too? :'''Rock''': Because we have beef and… Uh… Come back to me. :'''Paper''': What's going on is I don't want to go back to that table! You don't know how humiliating it is to hear about all the incredible things you do every year because I never do any myself. ''[to Sandpaper]'' You're working on big action movies, ''[to his mother]'' you're breaking national news, and I'm just Plain Paper. That's why I staged this kidnapping. Rock, Scissors, and I were fighting Dr. Big Bat over a giant strawberry we grew for the county fair, and we thought he'd make a good kidnapper. But then you got through all the bats, so I had to call a bunch of people I met over the past year. Like the ghosts we befriended when we tried to get the perfect holiday picture, the tortoises I accidentally made huge from toxic ooze and taught martial arts in the sewer, and the Hipponoids from the time I stopped their invasion and saved Earth. :'''Newspaper''': Hold on. You did all that in the last year? :'''Paper''': ''[sadly]'' Yeah, I go on a lot of silly adventures. :'''Sandpaper''': Paper, that's not silly at all. :'''Paper''': It's not? :'''Parchment Paper''': Are you kidding? Who goes on adventures like that? :'''Toilet Paper''': Yeah, that's… That's incredible! :'''Rock''': Ah, that's why I should've said. ===''Moonami 12 / Spider Court [2.09]''=== ===''Scissors, the Supervillain / Car Wash Nationals [2.10]''=== ==Season 3== ===''The Watching / Nightmares [3.01]''=== ===''Emotional Support Convertible / The Baseball [3.02]''=== ===''Rock's Half Birthday / Cherry Picking [3.03]''=== ===''The Wish / Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Paper, Scissors [3.04]''=== ===''Salmon Delivery for Ya / The Train Problem [3.05]''=== ===''Hardcore / Scissors' New Therapist [3.06]''=== ===''The Henry Winkler Episode / Paper Loves Potato [3.07]''=== ===''The Secret / Sandpaper's Workout Program [3.08]''=== ===''Paper: Renowned Researcher / Meatball [3.09]''=== ===''The Apology Soirée / Scissors' Perfect Match [3.10]''=== ==Cast== *[[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] – Scissors *[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]] – Rock *[[w:Thomas Lennon|Thomas Lennon]] – Paper *[[w:Melissa Villaseñor|Melissa Villaseñor]] – Pencil *[[w:Ray Chase (voice actor)|Ray Chase]] – The Rat Bros; Logan, Brody, Brogan / Baron Von Snootsberg *[[w:Max Mittelman|Max Mittelman]] – Derf the Rat Bro / Shoot *[[w:Eddie Pepitone|Eddie Pepitone]] – Lou Zer *[[w:Lauren Ash|Lauren Ash]] – Sandpaper / Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel *[[w:Betsy Sodaro|Betsy Sodaro]] – Potato *[[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] – The Susan *[[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] – Chad Brockchad *[[w:JP Karliak|JP Karliak]] – Convenient News Reporter *[[w:Abby Trott|Abby Trott]] – Robot Executive *Marlene Martinez – Astonishing Catalina *[[w:Alessia Cara|Alessia Cara]] – Lolly *[[w:Flula Borg|Flula Borg]] – Franz Roll *[[w:Mallory Jansen|Mallory Jansen]] – Cate Blanket *[[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] – Dr. Big Bat *Vanessa Marshall – Newspaper *[[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] – Parchment Paper *Jay Pharaoh – Toilet Paper [[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Current shows]] [[Category:Nicktoons]] [[Category:Nickelodeon shows]] kmpyuajq371ktw8r151f948lax2o2ww 3949366 3949354 2026-06-06T00:30:42Z ~2026-33411-58 3337046 /* The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06] */ 3949366 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)|Rock Paper Scissors]]''''' is an American animated comedy television series for Nickelodeon created by Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman. ------ ==Season 1== ===''Birthday Police / Paper's Big Lie [1.01]''=== :'''Rock''': Get ready. 'Cause we're about to go on an adventure. :'''Paper''': There will be twists. There will be turns. :'''Scissors''': But if we stick together, ''[his sunglasses shine]'' I promise… we will complete this maze for ages five and under! :'''Rock''': Let's get the cat to the cat food! :'''Paper''': Yeah! :'''Scissors''': We got this. ''[The Birthday Police Car speakers start playing a Rock and Roll version of "Happy Birthday"]'' '''Speaker''': ''[sings]'' Happy Birthday to you. '''Rock''': ''[screams]'' I love this song! '''Speaker''': ''[continues singing]'' Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to you! ''[Officer Wishowski aims the Confetti Cannon at the trio]'' '''Scissors''': Confetti Cannon! I can't see! ''[Paper coughs as the trio wipe the confetti off their bodies]'' '''Rock & Scissors''': Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they both fall to the floor]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor again]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor a third time and Paper's machine got knocked over]'' '''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' What the heck are you doing?! '''Scissors''': Trying to do a jump jump kick. '''Rock''': You know, from video games. When your second jump is in the air, then you do a really cool kick. ''[Rock and Scissors try to do it again but they fall to the floor once again]'' '''Paper''': Somehow you two are dumber together. '''Scissors''': ''[gets back up]'' Or we're smarter together. '''Rock''': ''[also gets back up]'' Got it. ''[he and Scissors try to high five each other but they slap their faces and fall to the floor the final time]'' ===''Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02]''=== :''[The trio are doing meditation poses and are interrupted by thumping sounds from the fourth floor]'' :'''Rock''': What the heck was that?! :'''Scissors & Paper''': ''[enviously]'' The Rat Bros. :''[They show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door; smugly]'' 'Sup, losers? :'''Rock''': Losers? :'''Paper''': Come on. :'''Scissors''': Man, you're cool. :'''Paper''': What is going on in there?! :'''Logan''': Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. ''[shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan and Derf, on their pogo sticks]'' We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… oh, that's right…you don't have pogo sticks. :'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. :''[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]'' :'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me. :'''Scissors''': We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool. ===''Weekend Story / Putty [1.03]''=== :'''Pencil''': Skydiving? Wow, Paper. I was just about to be your girlfriend, but not anymore, you boring turkey! ''[pulls a lever, causing Paper to eject and laughs maniacally]'' : : :'''Pencil #1''': No conflict pirates? :'''Pencil #2''': Swords as decoration? :'''Pencil #3''': You wear glasses? :'''Paper''': ''You'' wear glasses? :'''Pencil #3''': Yeah, but I wear them as well. :''[The Pencil clones all press a button together, causing Paper to eject and laugh diabolically]'' : :'''Paper''': You can run, but you can't fly! ''[laughs evilly; activating his drone]'' ===''Hide and Seek / The First Lou Episode [1.04]''=== :'''Scissors''': ''[dramatic]'' You think you can hide from me?! Well, you're wrong because I… will… seek you! ''[playfully]'' Ready or not, here I come! ''[annoyed]'' Rock, you're behind the lamp. You're really bad at this game. :''[Rock notices and sighs sadly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Paper''': Rock, I need your help to find Scissors. :'''Rock''': You have to find me first. ''[giggles]'' :'''Paper''': I mean, you're wearing camouflage against the blue wall. :'''Rock''': ''[notices]'' Okay, I'll do it. But only if I can keep playing. :'''Paper''': Sure. Go nuts. :''[Rock cartwheels back to the camouflage wall and sighs sadly]'' :'''Rock''': I am not good at this game. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The trio are knitting a friendship blanket together while singing a song when they hear a banging sound from the door]'' :'''Lou''': ''[off-screen]'' It's Lou. Let me in. :'''Scissors''': Shoot, it's the landlord! :'''Paper''': Don't answer it. I don't want to deal with that pile of garbage. :'''Rock''': Paper! He's not that bad. :'''Paper''': No, I mean, he's literally trash. :''[Rock opens the door, revealing Lou, a grumpy landlord standing in the doorway]'' :'''Rock''': Lou, can you please put on pants? :'''Lou''': Pants? What am I, rich? You'd think I work on Wall Street? Oh, look at me. I wear pants and own a sports team. Why don't I buy a Lamborghini, too, wear that around my legs? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lou''': ''[as the end credits roll]'' Look at all these Hollywood phonies. Oh, Bob. Bob pronounces it "croi-ssant." Very annoying. Kurt, he's a fancy guy! Drinks seltzer! What are you, not getting enough free air? You got to pay to drink it? And let me tell you something about Nickelodeon, and I won't let them censor this! They... ''[a card sequence reading, '''"Oops! Please stand by"''' appears]'' I hope you like this episode, 'cause now, they get a lot worse! ===''The Susan / Eyebrows [1.05]''=== :'''Scissors''': The Susan is right. :'''Rock''': The Susan is always right. :'''Paper''': Well, this is the first time The Susan has talked, remember? :'''Rock''': We're sorry. :'''Scissors''': We should have never changed you. :'''Paper''': Can you forgive us? : : : : : :'''Rock''': ''[pacing back and forth]'' What am I gonna do about this audition?! Without my eyebrows, no one'll read my emotions! :'''Paper''': You seem very calm about this. :'''Rock''': No, I'm not! I'm freaking out! :'''Paper''': I can't-uh, do you need a snack? Are you cold? Did you slam your hand in a new or possibly old car door? ''[Rock draws angry eyebrows on two notepads and puts them on his forehead]'' Oh, oh, oh, you're upset. Don't worry. I think I can help you with my robotics invention. I'll make you… a pair of… animatronic eyebrows! ===''Scissors Gets a Job [1.06]''=== :'''Rock''': You made money by faking injuries and suing people? That's terrible. :'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh, moral Rock doesn't like making his money through fraudulent lawsuits. :'''Paper''': Broke or not, you still have to pay for your pizza. Maybe it's time you stop being a bum and get a job. :'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly once again]'' Oh, judgmental Paper calls me a bum just 'cause I fit the definition of one. :'''Paper''': Why don't you ever wanna find work? Is it because you're not really good at anything? :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Hey! :'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors is good at lot of things, like, uh, sunglasses. :'''Scissors''': Forget you guys. I'll find work when I want to. :'''Paper''': Well, until you do, you ''can't'' have pizza with us. :'''Scissors''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Paper''': In fact, every time you walk through that door, Rock and I will be eating pizza until it motivates you to get a job. :'''Rock''': Awesome! :'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' Fine! You just watch. I'll have pizza money in no time. ''[bumps his leg on the table]'' Ow, my leg or- :'''Judge''': In the case of Scissors vs. Paper and his dangerous coffee table, the court rules in favor of Paper. :'''Scissors''': ''[rips the bandages off himself]'' Dang it! Alright. I'll get a job. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I've been fired from every job I've tried, and this was kind of my last option. But I guess I'll go home and tell my roommates they were right about me. I'm a loser. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[weakly and stuffed with a huge belly]'' Scissors, did you… ''[stomach grumbles while he clutches it]'' Oh. …get a job yet? :'''Rock''': ''[pushes Paper aside, also stuffed with a huge belly]'' Please say yes. :'''Scissors''': Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm hiding out in a chamomile field. :'''Paper''': Oh, of course you are. Then you leave us no choice. ''[pulls a giant pizza pie]'' We're going to eat the most decadent pizza ever created. :'''Rock''': No! :'''Paper''': The Ultimate Meat Huggers Double Stuffed Deep Dishanator with 50 pounds… of cheese. ''[Rock starts crying as he eats a slice while Scissors looks confused]'' It's so… ''[grabs his stomach while groaning as it grumbles]'' ...good. :'''Rock''': ''[whimpers as Paper eats another slice]'' Oh, there's pizza underneath the pizza! ''[he and Paper eat more slices until they fall on their sides and holding their bellies in pain]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. I know what I'm good at! ''[runs away, dropping his phone]'' :'''Paper''': Oh, Rock, he ran away. We're gonna come find you, Scissors. We just want to have… ''[his stomach gurgles; groans]'' …as much fun… Oh, no. …as we're having! :'''Rock''': No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!!!!! ===''The Arctic / Prank War [1.07]''=== :'''Paper''': Why is it so hot in here? :'''Rock''': Scissors crank the heater up so he can show off his new tank top. :'''Scissors''': Check it out! It's a monster truck with enormous biceps. It's perfect for tough guys like me. I even had them print my motto on the back. '''''"If you want the 'ceps, you do the reps."''''' :'''Paper''': You don't ''do'' the reps, and why are you in a tank top? It's winter. ''[opens the window blinds, revealing the winter sky and wind]'' You're gonna overload the heater like this. It can't handle… ''[the heater suddenly breaks down and the cold air breezes into the apartment; sighs in annoyance]'' Without me, you guys would not survive. :''[The trio stand outside of Lou's apartment]'' :'''Lou''': I'm ''raising'' the rent! :'''Rock''': Lou! :'''Paper''': Hold on! :'''Scissors''': Give us a second! :'''Paper''': Listen, our heater broke and we need you to fix it. :'''Lou''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, fancy, boys, you "set" the temperature in your apartment. You don't got to turn on a hot plate and rub it on your bum. :'''Rock''': You don't got it either. :'''Lou''': Well, I can't help you. I'm on my way to Landlord Con. It's a meetup for landlords where we talk about plumbing and famous literature. :'''Scissors''': Name one book. :'''Lou''': Fine, it's just plumbing. Anyway, I'll be back in three days. Mittens, you're the new landlord while I'm gone. :''[Mittens walks out of the doorway and meows to them as if he was saying "I'm ''raising'' the rent!"]'' :'''Rock''': Mittens! :'''Paper''': Come on! :'''Scissors''': That's so unfair! ''[as he and his friends return to their apartment]'' It'll be fine. We could survive without heat for three days. :''[They enter their apartment and shockingly find it all covered in snow and icicles]'' :'''Paper''': Well, we can go stay with my mom. :'''Rock''': New adventure! Rock, Paper, Scissors move in with Paper's mom! :'''Paper''': ''[trying to open the door, but only to find that it's quickly frozen; grunting]'' It's frozen shut! We're trapped! :'''Scissors''': By the way, fun fact about monster trucks-- they don't normally have biceps. :'''Paper''': ''[groans annoyingly]'' Well, we're off to a great start. We can't call for help because our phones are frozen. ''[to Scissors]'' You won't put on a jacket because you keep saying you "run hot." :'''Scissors''': ''[shivering; resisting the cold temperature]'' T-t-tough guys like me don't g-get cold. :'''Paper''': And Rock is not taking this seriously. <hr width="y50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[wearily while making an igloo]'' I just need to finish this igloo. That'll keep us safe. :'''Rock''': Oh, here's a good one. If you were a warm, nutritious food, what warm, nutritious food would you be? ''[igloo explodes, covering them in snow]'' Do you prefer the hot or the cold? :'''Scissors''': Fun fact about me, I actually run… :'''Paper''': ''[snapping]'' Shut up! Shut up! Ah, I hate this! I am tired of you two being incapable, and I hate always being the savior of this group! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': What'll it take to get you to join? You want money, gifts, someone to hug you and say, "Good job, son"? Wait, that's what I want. :'''Paper''': Look, pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest! :'''Scissors''': ''[to Rock]'' How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now? :'''Pencil''': ''[bursting into their apartment]'' Guys, the Rat Bros asked me to join their side in the prank war! :'''Rock''': ''[shocked] WHAT?!'' Wait, I actually don't know how to feel about this yet. Keep talking. :'''Pencil''': I'm so excited! Most people don't know this about me, but I'm a huge trickster. One time, I told a coworker something was made of polycarbonate when it was actually made of polythylmethacrylate! :'''Paper''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, you are bad. <hr width="50%"> :''[The trio are hiding behind a bush in the park, watching the Rat Bros weightlifting]'' :'''Scissors''': Okay. What's the plan, new guy? :'''Paper''': I say we sneak up and blast them with my water balloon cannon. Now, Rock! Push the button! :'''Rock''': ''[tries to push the button but the laser zaps him causing him to dance uncontrollably]'' I'm trying but I can't stop dancing! :'''Scissors''': I'll do it. ''[the laser zaps him; his body starts to inflate like a balloon and floats away]'' What is- Rock, grab me! GRAB ME! ''[holds onto the cannon]'' :'''Paper''': What the heck is going- ''[the laser zaps him; screams as his neck extends like a giraffe and his giraffe-like head falls to the ground]'' Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! :''[The Rat Bros walk up to them]'' :'''Rock''': Oh, the party won't stop! :'''Logan''': 'Sup, boys? Were you planning to blast us with your secret weapon? Well, ''we'' have a secret weapon too. :'''Pencil''': ''[popping up from a nearby bush]'' I made an atomic transmogrification laser! It can alter molecular structure in really crazy ways! Watch. ''[zaps Scissors' head, causing it to also inflate]'' :'''Scissors''': My head! My head is a balloon! ''[floats away]'' :'''Paper''': Okay, this might be a bit harder than I thought. :'''Scissors''': Sharp branch! Sharp branch! :''[Scissors' nose is poked by a branch and deflates around while the Rat Bros laugh]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[wakes up when he hears loud crashing sounds]'' Did you guys hear something? ''[his brothers wake up, also hearing the sound; they walk over to Scissors, disguised as a graffiti painting, then walk over to Rock, mistaking him for a smart device]'' Smart device, play smooth jazz. ''[Rocks plays some music, but not smooth jazz; walks over to Paper holding a sign saying: "I'm a TV"; realizing something]'' Wait a second. ''[turns back to Rock]'' That's Afro-Cuban jazz! :''[Rock smiles sheepishly]'' :'''Paper''': GRAB THE LASER! <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rat Bros have tied up the trio to chairs for sneaking into their apartment and trying to steal Pencil's transmogrification laser]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[to Brody, Brogan and Derf]'' Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just wanna say I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one. :'''Pencil''': Theft, Paper? That was your plan? You know, I expected something that basic from Scissors, and maybe Rock, 'cause I don't know much about him. :'''Rock''': We should hang out more. :'''Pencil''': We should! But come on, man, up your game. It's like, I'm Issac Newton and you're Godfried-Willem Raes. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[interrupting the Prank War award ceremony while in a mech suit]'' Stop that crowning! :'''Woman''': What? Stop the crowning? :'''Paper''': ''[walks up on the stage]'' Oh, you thought this was over? ''[snickers]'' Well, ''prank! [Scissors grabs Derf from his seat; stands on the podium]'' Ladies and gentlemen, answer me this: How can the Rat Bros accept the prank crown if the Rat Bros aren't all on this planet? ''[Derf is then strapped to a rocket]'' Yes! Do it, Scissors! Wedgie that Rat Bro into space! Look at me now, Pencil! I'm Issac Newton! I'm Issac Newton! ''[laughs maniacally, shaking the podium]'' :''[Rock, Pencil, the Rat Bros, the audience and Paper all watch as Scissors is preparing to fire the missile and send Derf off into space]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[suddenly having a change of heart]'' No. ''[deactivates the rocket and sets Derf down]'' :'''Paper''': What? :'''Scissors''': No more prank war! ''[the audience gasps]'' I just had a huge revelation. Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. :'''Paper''': Wait, that's what I said. :'''Scissors''': Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. :'''Paper''': ''[baffled]'' Is he doing my speech? :'''Scissors''': As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest! :''[The audience clap and cheer, and the Rat Bros whistle]'' :'''Rock''': Whoo! <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[kneels down to Scissors]'' Good job, son. ''[he and Scissors hug as the latter sheds tears of happiness]'' ===''Key Limes / Six Pieces of Turkey [1.08]''=== :'''Scissors''': ''[pukes in the trash can and moans]'' Oh, man. Did you see me driving back there? I was cool as a cu- ''[pukes in the trash again]'' …cumber. ===''The Other Rock Paper Scissors / The Astonishing Catalina [1.09]''=== :'''Better Rock, Paper, & Scissors''': Hello! :'''Scissors''': Oh, boy. :'''Better Rock''': Come in, come in! :'''Paper''': Huh. Your place looks similar to ours. :'''Scissors''': Although, I see you don't see have a TV. :'''Better Scissors''': Why would we need a TV? We're too entertained by our friends. :'''Rock, Paper & Scissors''': Ugh. :'''Better Rock''': Thanks for bringing these over. Funny enough, we just got some of your mail today, too. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': I don't understand. :'''Scissors''': You're smarter than us, you're nicer than us, you're at least 15 other things better than us. What's wrong with you guys?! :'''Better Scissors''': You tell us. We're always willing to grow. :''[Scissors yells in rage]'' :'''Better Paper''': Hey, you seem upset. Why don't we all go to the couch and talk about our feelings? :''[The better trio fly back to the couch]'' :'''Rock''': You fly too?! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': We can live like this. <hr width="50%"> :'''Catalina''': Why won't you let me do the trick?! :'''Scissors''': Because it makes me feel uncool! :'''Catalina''': What are you talking about? You're effortlessly cool! The only way I can feel cool is by doing magic! :'''Scissors''': I find that hard to believe, 'cause everything about you is cool! You're stylish and confident and turn horses into dragons! :'''Catalina''': But you never blink an eye! I've done so many horrible things to you and you always say you can live like this! :'''Scissors''': YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON I KNOW! :'''Catalina''': THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT ''YOU!'' ===''Pencil Comes Over / The Wind [1.10]''=== :'''Paper''': I can't believe that worked. :'''Scissors''': I know. It went exactly like I-''[pukes on the ground]'' Oh, whatever. <hr width="50%"> :'''Sandpaper''': You're the vomit boy? :'''Scissors''': That was one time and it hasn't happened si- ''[pukes on the ground again]'' Oh, why? ===''The Holiday Picture / Scrubs [1.11]''=== :'''Rock''': Guys! We got more holiday cards! :'''Paper''': ''[disappointed]'' Man, everyone looks so perfect in these photos-- Lou, the Rat Bros, even Crazy-Eyed Pirate. :'''Rock''': Who? :'''Scissors''': I don't know. We met a lot of wacky characters. It's hard to keep track. :'''Paper''': Why can't ''we'' take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went Super Saiyan. :'''Scissors''': That year was awesome! :'''Paper''': And the year Rock dressed up as some old cartoon character. :''[The last photo shows Rock in his Rocko getup from [[w:List of Rocko's Modern Life characters|Rocko's Modern Life]]]'' :'''Rock''': You didn't enjoy ''"Rocko, Paper, Scissors"?'' :'''Paper''': Eh, it was okay. :'''Scissors''': I liked that show. The main guy was always like… ''[imitating Rocko's voice]'' "Hey, mate, I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky. He-he." ''[normally]'' Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression. :'''Paper''': I just want ''one'' perfect holiday photo. <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': Wait. Where ''is'' your chain? :'''Scissors''': Oh! Toast Ghost is covering it! Aw, man! Now the caption doesn't make any sense! <hr width="50%"> :''[The trio are eating at a cafe while Paper is dressed in a medical uniform and scrubs, much to Scissors' jealousy]'' :'''Scissors''': So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes. :'''Paper''': Whatever do you mean? :'''Rock''': Guys, let's be peaceful. :'''Scissors''': I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears. :'''Paper''': Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas. :'''Scissors''': And the stethoscope? :'''Paper''': I thought it was a necklace. :'''Scissors''': Yeah? You wear necklaces now? :'''Rock''': Scissors, take a breath. :'''Scissors''': This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper! :'''Orange-haired Kid''': Wow, a real-life hero! ''[offers Paper to sign his autograph]'' How can I be a doctor one day? :'''Paper''': I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes. :'''Scissors''': That's literally all he did! :'''Rock''': Let's ask ''why'' this upsets you. :'''Scissors''': Rock, you went on one meditation retreat, you're not some wise, old sage. ''[points to Paper]'' And ''he's'' not a doctor! I bet he can't even tell you what hospital he works at! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[grumbles annoyingly]'' I'm gonna get more respect than ''you,'' Paper. And I know someone's society respects even ''more'' than doctors. ''[walks off and comes back, wearing a basketball jersey]'' :'''Paper''': What are you wearing? :'''Scissors''': A basketball jersey… Which I guess makes me a professional basketball player. :'''Paper''': Oh, please. You really think people are going to believe that you're… :'''Woman''': Ronald Jamison! <hr width="50%"> :'''Orange-haired Kid''': ''[sitting with three humanoid children pair of scissors]'' What the heck is going on? <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Come on, Paper, I'm really hurt! Just admit you're not a doctor! :'''Paper''': Only if ''you'' admit you're ''not'' Ronald Jamison! :'''Scissors''': Why don't I admit myself to the hospital…where you don't work! ===''Bowling / The Character Quiz [1.12]''=== :'''Rock''': Want to tell your problems to a rock you never met? :'''Bowling Owner''': ''[sighs]'' It's that Scissors guy. He's putting me out of business. See? At my bowling alley, a perfect score gets you a free tub of curly fries and a free game. And Scissors got so good at bowling, he hasn't paid for a game in 2 years. :'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain. :''[Scissors laughs deviously while wearing an evil mustache made of curly fries]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[to Scissors]'' Listen, Scissors. It would really help the owner if you started paying for curly fries. :'''Scissors''': Oh, naive Rock, always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting deals for all... they're... worth! ''[laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash behind him]'' Man, these deals make me a maniac. :'''Rock''': I like to believe that if you reach out your arms to others, their arms will reach back out to you. :'''Scissors''': You also believe the Earth is heart-shaped. I can't trust anything you say. :'''Rock''': Then how about this? I challenge you to a game of bowling. If I win, you have to start paying for curly fries. But if you win, you get the bowling alley. :'''Scissors''': Seriously? I mean, yeah, of course. That's a very uneven deal. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again. :'''Rock''': Don't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. ''[hands him a letter]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[reads the letter]'' '''''"Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!"''''' ''[later cut to him talking to a therapist]'' I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! ''[lightning bolts flash behind him once again]'' :'''Therapist''': And where do you think that comes from? :'''Scissors''': ''[starts crying]'' I don't know! <hr width="50%"> :''[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: "The Gang's All Here" and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]'' :'''Creepo''': I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. ''[hisses at a car that just passed him]'' I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! ''[holds up a jar of his chest hair]'' :'''Dave''': Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave. :'''Rock''': See? :'''Logan''': ''[enters the trio's apartment]'' I heard you guys got Stephernie. ''I'' got Stephernie! :'''Brody''': I got Fire Hydrant. :'''Lou''': ''[sliding in]'' I got Dave! :'''Scissors''': Sure. :'''Logan''': I see that. :'''Paper''': Me too. :'''Rock''': How? How do you see that? :'''Logan''': Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. ''[he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party. :'''Scissors''': Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive. :'''Paper''': Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too? :'''Sandpaper''': Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no. Secret's out. :'''Scissors''': ''[noticing something]'' Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is '''''not''''' a Stephernie! ''[the others gasp in shock]'' No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. ''[to Sandpaper]'' What's Stephernie's last name?! :'''Sandpaper''': Stephernie. :'''Scissors''': Good. ''[to Baron Von Snootsberg]'' Walk like Stephernie! ''[Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey]'' Good. ''[to Robot Executive]'' In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house? :'''Robot Executive''': Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party! :''[Paper sighs in relief]'' :'''Scissors''': That's exactly what she said. :'''Paper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… ''[everyone looks at him, suspiciously]'' in a Stephernie way. ''[walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]'' :'''Robot Executive''': Yes, that checks out. :'''Scissors''': Yeah, very Stephernie. :'''Rock''': ''[on the phone with Paper]'' You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior. :'''Paper''': ''[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth]'' You just said you're breaking into a TV studio! :'''Rock''': For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake! :'''Paper''': Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie. :'''Rock''': Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars. :'''Paper''': What is this show? :'''Scissors''': ''[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything]'' Not a Stephernie, huh? :'''Paper''': I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me! :'''Scissors''': ''[kneels down]'' Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana? :'''Paper''': Seriously, what is this show? <hr width="50%"> :'''Wizard''': Listen, Fire Hydrant, I'm your brother. And I don't think this man you're dating is right for you. :'''Fire Hydrant''': I can't help it. I like my men like I like my fires… Smokin'! <hr width="50%"> :'''Creepo''': Hey, pal. ''You're'' the Creepo here. Here's your popsicle stick and your chest hair. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I'm sorry, Paper. I should have never tried to dunk you in a vat of hot lava just for not identifying with the same fictional TV character. :'''Paper''': And ''I'm'' sorry that-- ''[realizes]'' actually, my thing wasn't that bad. ===''Potato / The Fart Joke Debate [1.13]''=== :'''Paper''': It's "The Paper Show"! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. ''[Logan gets up and walks away]'' The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... ''[throws some things which are deadly and screams]'' Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? ''[drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing]'' No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started. :'''Scissors''': Jacket! :'''Paper''': Can I get another word? :'''Pencil''': Circus! :'''Paper''': Can I get a fruit that's round and orange? :'''Rock''': Kumquat! :''[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]'' :'''Paper''': ''[rapping]'' When I say "Paper", you say "rules". Paper- :'''Rock, Scissors, Pencil, & Lou''': No. <hr width="50%"> :'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Eh. I just don't like fart jokes. :''[everyone gasps in horror]'' :'''Rock''': What did you say? :'''Paper''': I don't think they're funny. :''[everyone gasps again]'' :'''Scissors''': Not even Long Squeakers? :'''Pencil''': Butt Trumpets? :'''Rock''': Wet and Nasties? :'''Paper''': Ew, what? No. :'''Scissors''': ''[to Pencil and Rock]'' Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… ''are'' funny. ===''Paper's Secret Weapon / The Sled Hill [1.14]'' === :'''Paper''': ''[mumbling to himself while working]'' Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then. :'''Scissors''': Hey, Paper. What are you working on? :'''Paper''': ''[turns around with an angry face]'' I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy! :'''Rock''': Whoa. :'''Scissors''': Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it. :'''Paper''': Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! ''[karate kicks a wall and runs off]'' :'''Rock''': We might have made him a little too angry. :'''Scissors''': Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry. :'''Rock''': ''[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling]'' Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always. :''[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]'' :'''Paper''': Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Scissors, I forbid you from sledding down that hill. It's a slippery slope ''straight'' to the emergency room. Also, don't add anything I didn't say during this flashback. I'm a big stick-in-the-mud, poopy-pants, poop-poop guy. <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground]'' Scissors, are you alright? :'''Scissors''': ''[sits up]'' Oh, my arm. :'''Rock''': ''[looks at Scissors' right arm]'' Looks okay to me. ''[sees his broken left arm]'' Oh, the ''broken'' arm. :'''Scissors''': ''[whining]'' Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this. :'''Rock''': Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. ''[opens the case and springs pop out of it]'' It's also a comedy school. :'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' :'''Rock''': We gotta get Paper. :'''Scissors''': No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, "I was right" like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me? :'''Rock''': I'm with you. ''[high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing]'' Oh, right. Your arm. ===''Scissors' Catapult / Pencil and Potato [1.15]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work]'' Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. ''[he goes to the roof instead]'' However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- ''[he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully]'' I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. ''[whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster]'' Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. ''[accidentally breaks the chair]'' Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. ''[tries to push the fridge to make it fall]'' And is this fridge gonna fall? ''[straining]'' Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on! :'''Rock''': Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them? '''Future Kevin''': If you're not going to mow my lawn, I'll make ''you'' mow my lawn! '''Future Scissors''': ''[while wearing a horse costume]'' You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?<hr width="50%"> :'''Pencil''': But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home! :'''Scissors''': There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything! :'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub? :'''Rock''': Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest. :'''Paper''': Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest. : : : :'''Potato''': Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest. : : : : :'''Waitress''': I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic. :''[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]'' :'''Rock''': Oh, no. He's running out of conversation. :'''Scissors''': Quick! Feed him a line! : :'''Paper''': Uh… ''[touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger]'' Flub-Bub. : : :'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub! :'''Waitress''': ''[swoons]'' Oh, Flub-Bub. :''[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]'' :'''Scissors''': Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe. :'''Flub-Bub''': ''[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice]'' Flub-Bubby! :'''Rock''': Oh. :'''Scissors''': Right. :'''Paper''': Totally forgot about that. ===''Resolutions / Paper's Book Club [1.16]''=== :'''Scissors''': You know calculators are usually smaller than that, right? And don't run on someone shoveling in coal? :'''Paper''': Whatever, it works. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure. :'''Rock''': And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions. :'''Scissors''': But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year. :'''Rock''': You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[talking about Scissors' resolution]'' January 1st: Scissors sees a poorly-translated Foreign film called ''"Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success"''. :'''Buff Man''': I lift weight, prove I big success! :'''Paper''': The resolution is made. January 2nd: Scissors buys every piece of gym equipment he can find and a giant tub of muscle powder. ''[Scissors tries to open the lid]'' But he's not strong enough to open the lid. January 3rd: Scissors eats an entire chocolate cake, feels badly about himself, and gives up on his resolution. And that's the end of the story. Although, there was a day in mid July where Scissors remembered the resolution and had a moment of renewed resolve. But then he ate another entire chocolate cake and felt terrible about himself. :''[Scissors moans in disappointment]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs. :'''Rock''': You did what?! :''[Scissors queasily pukes in the toilet due to a bad pain in his stomach]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Ugh, I'm gonna look like a fool! Paper makes me so mad I could just flip this… ''[tries to flip over the weight bench]'' well, maybe not the weight bench, but these tinier weights! ''[tries to flip them]'' Or at least this weight bench instruction manual! ''[tries to flip the manual; groans]'' How is this possible?! ''[later sits on the floor, watching "Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success" while eating an entire chocolate cake and feeling horrible about himself… as usual]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[to Paper]'' Hey, can we talk for a second? ''[looks at the camera]'' Uh, off camera? ''[cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them]'' Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary. :'''Paper''': ''[sighs]'' Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… ''[turns to the camera]'' because I needed it for this movie! ''[laughs and leaves]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]'' :'''Rock''': There were hamsters in there? :'''Paper''': ''[to Scissors]'' How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds! :'''Scissors & Rock''': ''[both gasp; simultaneously]'' I completed my New Year's resolution! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Let's sharpen our pens! ''[sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]'' :'''Rock''': Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen ''my'' pen! ''[does the same thing like Scissors did]'' :''[Words appear reading: '''"Don't try this at home. Obviously."''']'' :'''Paper''': ''[annoyed while he facepalms]'' Doofuses. ''[suddenly gets an idea]'' Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know! <hr width="50%"> :'''News Reporter''': This just in, multiple business owners are sad today, as they've had to close from all the free things they've given away to satisfy customer complaints. And as we all know, the only people who write complaints are whiny little poops. Here's a sketch of what such poops may or may not look like. :''[A drawing sketch of Rock and Scissors is shown]'' :'''Rock''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no, we're hurting people! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[attempting to return all the free stuff]'' I'm giving it back! :'''Scissors''': ''[trying to stop him]'' You're not giving it back! :'''Paper''': ''[barges into the apartment]'' Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… ''[looks around at all the free stuff]'' have no idea what this is. :'''Rock''': Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. ''[A pink flamingo walks past them]'' I don't even know what we complained about to get that. :'''Paper''': Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's ''bad,'' because people who complain are automatically viewed as right. :'''Scissors''': See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified. :'''Rock''': Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island? <hr width="50%"> :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': Thanks for coming into the Nickelodeon offices today, Scissors. We brought you in because we received a complaint letter from, well, him. :''[Rock sits next to her and crosses his arms while glaring at Scissors, revealing he's the one who wrote the letter]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Oh, you whiny little poop. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[reading the letter] '''"Dear Nickelodeon… In your program, "Rock Paper Scissors", Scissors' behavior has been morally reprehensible."''''' :'''Scissors''': Everyone's ''so'' sensitive. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[continues reading] '''"He rarely learns lessons, and, when given the opportunity to grow, continues with awful behavior."''''' :'''Scissors''': Yeah, that's what makes me fun. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[finishes reading] '''"This is not a character who should be exposed to our children. Please do something immediately."''''' I'm sorry, but we're suspending you from the show for two weeks. :'''Scissors''': WHAT?! (Two weeks?!) Who are you even gonna get to replace me? :''[The show's intro plays with Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel as Scissors' temporary replacement and the show's title being changed to "Rock Paper Nutso"]'' :'''Nutso''': This show's about to get Nutso! ===''National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[stretching himself]'' Alright, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! ''[exits the apartment building, and is surprised to see the whole town celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]'' :'''Rock''': Happy International Rock Day! :'''Paper''': International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday. :'''Rock''': Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors. :'''Scissors''': ''[leading a marching band]'' Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': (Hello?) Is this the Committee of National Holidays? :'''Rock''': ''[turning around in his chair, revealing himself]'' You bet it is! :'''Paper''': ''[suprised]'' Rock?! ''You're'' on the committee?! :'''Rock''': Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day. :'''Raspberry Cake''': I'm cake. :'''Paper''': ''[disbelieved]'' Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please. :''[The representatives all laugh]'' :'''Rock''': Paper, we don't just ''give'' out days. :'''Pencil''': Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one. :'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here. :'''Pencil''': Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears. <hr width="50%"> :'''Potato''': That presentation was ''terrible.'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying a bunch of groceries]'' :'''Paper''': Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries? :'''Scissors''': ''[sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich]'' I would, but my hands are full. :'''Rock''': Well, just put it down. :'''Scissors''': ''[now holding a lamp]'' Now I have another thing. :'''Paper''': Scissors! :''[Scissors whistles while holding a sandwich, a lamp, and three bowling balls]'' :'''Rock''': Scissors, come on! Can you just help us ''one'' time? <hr width="50%"> :'''Nice Scissors''': Excuse me. Could I talk to you about helping? :'''Traffic Cop Scissors''': Can't you see I'm busy directing traffic? ''[makes the cars crash into each other and laughs evilly]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[A memory footage shows Young Scissors running down the school hallway, and accidentally rips his pants while crouching down to pick up a piece of paper, showing his underwear and butt crack]'' :'''Young Scissors''': Oh, no! I ripped my pants at school! ''[gets attacked by a Pterodactyl that swooped in]'' :'''Nice Scissors''': That was a bad day. ===''The Family Business / Glitter Bomb [1.18]''=== :'''Rock''': ''[covered in glitter after singing a tune while getting mail]'' What just happened? :'''Scissors''': I think someone sent you a glitter bomb. :'''Rock''': ''[getting angry]'' Do you know how difficult it is to remove glitter? Who would do this to me? ''[sadly]'' Who would do this to me?! ''[furiously]'' WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?! ''[After Rock catches Paper with a fishing pole]'' '''Paper''': No! Please! Please! '''Rock''': ''[holds up tape]'' It's folding time. '''Paper''': Forgive me! Forgive me! No! '''Rock''': ''[reveals the words on the tape saying "Gotcha"] [happy]'' Gotcha! '''Paper''': What? '''Scissors''': ''[runs up to him]'' Gotcha! Oh, man. We got you so good! '''Paper''': What the heck is going on? '''Rock''': We knew you did the glitter bomb the whole time. '''Scissors''': So we thought it'd be funny if Rock pretended to be ''enraged'' by it and go on a crazy manhunt to scare you. '''Paper''': What?! '''Scissors''': Yeah, all of us were in on it. The mailman, Chad BrockChad, all the prisoners. '''Rock''': ''[giggles]'' Pretty funny, huh, Paper? '''Paper''': Are you insane? This isn't funny at all! I thought my life was in danger! '''Scissors''': It's just a joke. '''Paper''': I've been living Alaska for eight months! I bought a house here! I- ''[stammers]'' Look. I should have never tried to be funny, but you two shouldn't have either, so no more jokes. Okay? From now on, let's just all agree that none of us are funny. '''Rock''': Yeah. I guess none of us are funny. '''Scissors''': Not a one of us. ''[the trio sadly stare one by one at the viewer]'' ===''Diapers / R.O.V.E.R. [1.19]''=== :'''Paper''': Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful. :'''Scissors''': Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation. :'''Paper''': You don't ''have'' a cool reputation. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[after throwing all the diapers into the ocean as they start absorbing]'' Oh, no! I forgot how absorbent they are! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure. :'''Scissors''': ''[sobbing]'' AND MINE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS! :'''Rock''': Yeah, we heard about that. ''[outside the apartment building, a giant diaper rolls down the street, passing by]'' It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along. :'''Scissors''': How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! ''[Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's signifying it]'' It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks cold, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… ''[Rock and Paper both sulk]'' Or Rock's. ===''Trash [1.20]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[sniffs an unpleasant smell]'' What is that smell? :'''Scissors''': ''[looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around]'' I think it's Rock. :'''Paper''': Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash? :'''Scissors''': ''[waving his hand; dismissively]'' Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it. :'''Paper''': No, do it now. :'''Scissors''': I'll do it really soon. <hr width="50%"> :'''Dian''': I'm at my breaking point, Chris. We've dealt with too much noise and agony from all these wacky Rock Paper Scissors shenanigans. ''[flashback shows multiple episodes from the past]'' The rhino stomping around when Putty was there, the meltwater dripping through when their place turned into the Arctic, last Christmas, they were 10 different ghosts, and at one point, Scissors farted into a microphone and blew out all the windows in the building. What's it going to take for us to go up there and say something? ==Season 2== ===''Franz Roll and the Lost Rainbow Pants of Atraxes the Apple Bottomed [2.01]''=== ===''Paper and Pencil Tell a Joke / Scissors' Orchestra [2.02]''=== Pencil: Paper! PAPER! I got it! Paper: Pencil, are you okay? Pencil: (snoring loudly) ===''Shoot / Rock's First Day of Work [2.03]''=== ===''Paper Attends an Elite Institution / The New Landlord [2.04]''=== :'''Scissors''': You wanna go home? :'''Paper''': Why? Because you think I can't ''handle'' 3rd grade? :'''Scissors''': No, because I do not care about this. :'''Paper''': Oh, yeah, you think I'm too stupid that I can't get ''one'' "A"? :'''Scissors''': Listen. I know I usually antagonize you in situations like this, but I'm really not invested here. Rock and I are apartment-sitting for Pencil this week, and we're gonna play with all her cool gadgets, which seems like way more fun than this… frankly sad 3rd grade development. So, do whatever you want, but again, I could not care less. :'''Paper''': Well, ''I'll'' show you, Scissors! I ''will'' get an "A", an "A-plus", with a good job sticker on top! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[holding up one of Pencil's gadgets]'' Scissors, look! Pencil has a shapeshifter! ''[activates it, turning him and Scissors into snowmen]'' :'''Rock & Scissors''': Whoa! ''[they then turn into [[w:Minecraft|Minecraft]] style]'' Whoa! :'''Paper''': Well, I bet you're ''loving'' this, Scissors! Old doofus Paper failing 3rd grade! :''[Rock and Scissors have turned into an apple and a banana]'' :'''Scissors''': Again, I do not care. :'''Paper''': And now I have a group project due at the end of the week on genetic engineering and no one will want to work with me 'cause I'm the least intelligent kid in the class! :''[Rock and Scissors have then turned into frogs]'' :'''Scissors''': Paper, we've turned ourselves into frogs. We're looking for flies. :'''Paper''': Could we just acknowledge this?! This is insane! I mean, Rock, do ''you'' know quantum mechanics? :'''Rock''': Of course! I learned it in the 3rd grade. <hr width="50%"> :'''Catalina''': I'll be back, Scissors! And next time, I'll take you down! :'''Scissors''': Not if I take you down first. :'''Catalina''': How could you?! You have the brain of an ant! :'''Scissors''': And you have the face of the dead! :'''Catalina''': I hate you so much! :'''Scissors''': I HATE YOU MORE! :''[They slowly start to kiss, but snap out of it and look away from each other, awkwardly]'' :'''Catalina''': Anyway, you're the worst. :'''Scissors''': Yeah, uh… same to you. :'''Rock''': What is happening with them?! ===''The Origami Robot / Scissors Sees An Inspirational Sports Movie [2.05]''=== :''[The trio's apartment is being decorated for the holidays and Paper and Pencil are decorating the Christmas tree together]'' :'''Paper''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' I love the holidays. It really is the best time of year. :'''Pencil''': Yeah. You get to relax, have some quiet time, and… :'''Rock''': ''[barging in with Scissors clutching his stomach in pain]'' SCISSORS ATE A PINECONE! :'''Pencil''': What?! Why?! :'''Scissors''': Rock dared me to! :'''Rock''': No, I said, "Don't do that!" :'''Scissors''': Which I took as a dare! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': I'm with Paper. This really is the best time of year. :'''Paper''': It is. And I'm glad everything worked out. :'''Pencil''': Although I do feel bad the robot didn't remove the pinecone. :''[Zoom out to reveal Scissors laying flat on the floor with the pine tree growing out of his buttocks, which Paper and Pencil were decorating]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' Not as bad as I do. <hr width="50%"> :''[Scissors is watching an inspirational sports movie when Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying groceries]'' :'''Paper''': Oh, shoot! He's watching an inspirational sports movie! :'''Rock''': Every time he sees one of those, he thinks ''he'' can do that stuff! :'''Paper''': Turn it off! TURN IT OFF! :'''Rock''': ''[searching everywhere for the remote]'' I can't! Where's the remote?! :'''Crowd''': ''[chanting on TV]'' Scrudy! Scrudy! :'''Paper''': I DON'T KNOW! JUST RIP THE CORD OUT OF THE WALL! :'''Rock''': Which one?! THERE ARE SO MANY CORDS! ===''The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06]''=== :''[Paper and Scissors are watching Rock playing a [[w:The Sims (video game)|Sims]] parody video game, until they hear the Rat Bros laughing and cheering from above the fourth floor]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Are the Rat Bros having another party? :'''Rock''': They are such jerks! :'''Paper''': Let's go up there and tell them to start being respectable members of society. :'''Scissors''': Okay, but just don't get on your high horse again. :''[Cut to them standing outside the Rat Bros' apartment while Paper rides on his high horse; Scissors knocks on the door]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' 'Sup, bros? Oh, are we tutoring too loud? :'''Paper''': Tutoring? :'''Logan''': Yeah. We tutor underprivileged kids all the time. ''[shows his brothers tutoring four children]'' Ruby, tell 'em the thesis of your report. :'''Ruby''': In a juxtaposition of the sublime and the banal, the artist's oeuvre deftly encapsulates the ephemeral nature of human experience. :''[Derf blares a party air horn; the trio are baffled by what they just saw and are back in their apartment…]'' :'''Scissors''': What the heck was that?! :'''Rock''': The Rat Bros aren't supposed to be better than us! They're supposed to be one-dimensional bad guys! :'''Paper''': Yeah! I refuse to live in a world where the Rat Bros are morally superior. Because then we can't judge them! And that's how I feel good about myself! :'''Scissors''': Paper, get off the horse. :'''Paper''': I can't, I need a step stool! :''[Meanwhile, in the Rat Bros' apartment…]'' :'''Logan''': ''[laughing]'' Did you see how upset they were? :'''Brogan''': Our altruistic plan is totally working! :'''Derf''': We are such jerks! :'''Rat Bros''': ''[chest bumping]'' Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! :'''Brody''': ''[confused]'' But wait… are we jerks? Tutoring these kids is really nice. Bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. :'''Logan''': Brody, don't be ridiculous. We're only doing good things to make Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel bad about themselves, which is a jerk thing to do. And remember, the two rules of being a Rat Bro: If a bro asks you to spot 'em, you gotta spot 'em. And what's number two, kids? :'''Kids''': Rat Bros are jerks because jerks are cool. :'''Logan''': And you wanna be cool, right, Brody? :'''Brody''': Of course. That's my one and only thought. :''[Zoom into his head and brain]'' :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. :'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Shower? :'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. <hr width="50%"> :''[Rat Bros' apartment; Logan is reading an article about the trio being the best guys in town and receiving all the praise]'' :'''Logan''': ''[outraged]'' Ugh! This makes me so mad! Why do we still pay for the newspaper?! ''[throws the newspaper on the ground and marches over to the weight bench]'' Brogan, spot me. I'm doing an angry set! We cannot let Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel good about themselves. We have to beat them! :'''Brody''': Wait, Logan. Are you saying… :'''Logan''': Yes, Brody. It's time for an altruistic-off! :'''Ruby''': Altruistic-off: A competition in which people or groups try to win by doing the most good for society. :'''Logan''': Uh, Ruby, you can go home. Okay. Derf, go save the whales. Brogan and I will eliminate political corruption. And Brody? Get a PhD in robotic engineering to give people without limbs the best in robotic prostheses. :'''Derf''': But, Logan, I already have a PhD in robotic engineering. :'''Logan''': Too late. I already gave out the assignments. :''[Another article shows the Rat Bros being #1 good guys and receiving more praise]'' :'''Rock''': ''[reading the article; infuriated]'' This is terrible! Newspapers are so important, and no one cares anymore! ''[throws the newspaper in anger]'' :'''Scissors''': What's the point of cleaning all this garbage off the street if we're losing?! ''[pushes the huge garbage bag out the window, and it splatters on the street, covering some people in garbage]'' :'''Paper''': We have to beat the Rat Bros, otherwise, I won't be able to judge them on my high horse! And how am I supposed to feel good about myself then, by winning horse races? ''[the horse shakes its head no]'' See? He's not into it! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Feast your eyes, Rat Bros! I have created a device that will solve the global housing crisis by spitting out a fully-built house in just ''five'' seconds! :'''Scissors''': We're gonna officially unveil it tomorrow at the Nobel Prize ceremony and beat you once and for all! :'''Rock''': Build houses! That's what we should do! :'''Paper''': See? He got there. ''[he and his friends leave with their invention]'' :'''Logan''': ''[frustrated]'' D'oh! I can't believe they're gonna beat us! They are such… good guys. :'''Brody''': Actually, I think we'll still win. :'''Logan''': What do you mean? :'''Brody''': I saw a flaw in the device's engine. If they try to use that thing, it'll explode. :'''Derf''': Yes! :'''Brogan''': Sweet! :'''Logan''': All right! :'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! :'''Brody''': ''[quietly as Logan and Brogan walk away]'' Nice, bro. :'''Derf''': ''[noticing Brody's timidity; concerned]'' Hey, are you okay? :'''Brody''': Yeah, I'm cool. ''[chuckles awkwardly]'' Cool. I'm cool! Ha-ha. Cool guy. Super cool Brody. Listen, can I tell you something? You remember how I got my PhD from Princeton, right? :'''Derf''': Yeah, in two days. Very impressive. :'''Brody''': Well, I got a job at a hospital working in robotic prosthetics. ''[Flashback begins with him putting some robotic arms on his patient: Mr. Drake]'' All right, Mr. Drake. Test them out. :'''Mr. Drake''': ''[grips his robotic arms, controlling them; surprised]'' Oh my gosh. I-I can wave! I can point! I can… ''[uses them to scratch an itch on his behind]'' Oooh, I've been waiting to scratch that for 25 years! :'''Brody''': ''[voice-over]'' But then, something weird happened. :'''Mr. Drake''': Could I… hug you? It would be the first hug I've ever given. :'''Brody''': ''[unsure]'' Um… I don't really-- :'''Mr. Drake''': ''[hugging him; sobbing happily]'' Thank you, Brody. You changed my life! :'''Brody''': ''[hugs him in return with his eyes tearing up; voice-over]'' It felt amazing! And for the first time, I had a new thought. :''[Zoom into his head and brain]'' :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. :'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Be good. :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. :'''Brody's Neuron #2''': We really should shower, though. :'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! :''[Back to the present]'' :'''Brody''': I think… I think I might be a good guy. :'''Derf''': ''[gasps in dramatic shock]'' No. Brody, no. A-are you sure? :'''Brody''': This morning, I wrote a big check to a food bank! :'''Derf''': But you know the rules… jerks are cool. Good guys are… I don't even know! :'''Brody''': Derf, I get it. But I'm thinking about that machine and… it just feels wrong to do nothing. Those homes would help so many people. :'''Derf''': Look, I know it's tough, but sometimes you gotta make hard choices in life. Do you want to foster the well-being of millions… or be cool? ''[starts to walk away]'' :'''Brody''': Hey, Derf… when you were saving the whales, were you thinking about beating Rock, Paper, and Scissors, or about how good it felt to save those whales? :'''Derf''': ''[thinking for a second]'' Get some rest, bro. ''[resumes walking away]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Next day at the Nobel Prize ceremony… while the trio are preparing to present their house-building invention, Brody sneaks into backstage to fix it, and finds that Logan was already there, feeling deeply betrayed by finding out about his "being good" conversation with Derf]'' :'''Brody''': ''[surprised]'' Logan! :'''Logan''': ''[disappointed]'' I knew I'd find you here. Your "nice, bro" chest bump yesterday was lackluster at best. I gotta say, I feel betrayed… like Edmond Dantès in ''The Count of Monte Cristo.'' :'''Brody''': That's a very literate reference. :'''Logan''': Ah, we covered a lot in tutoring. :'''Brody''': I'm sorry, but I can't let that device explode. :'''Logan''': Spot me. :'''Brody''': ''[having to have heard that; shocked]'' What? Here?! :'''Logan''': I wanna do a set. ''[Brody obeys and sets down the pliers]'' Why are you doing this, Brody?! :'''Brody''': The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of. :'''Logan''': Is that Blaise Pascal? :'''Brody''': We covered a lot in tutoring. <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[to Brody; irked]'' You said it wouldn't work! Ugh, whatever. We'll find another way to get Rock, Paper, and Scissors. ''[walks off]'' :'''Brody''': ''[turns to the invention; puzzled]'' But how did it not explode? :'''Derf''': ''[off-screen]'' I guess we'll never know. :'''Brody''': ''[turns to him holding the pliers, revealing '''he's''' the one who fixed it; surprised]'' Derf?! :'''Derf''': ''[hands Brody back the pliers]'' Maybe being a good guy is cool too. ''[walks off into the sunset as Brody smiles touchingly, realizing that their conversation changed his mind]'' :'''Paper''': ''[with his foot stuck in the saddle's stirrup]'' HELP! I'm stuck in the stirrup! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Scissors, I don't know if you know this, but we're big Lolly fans. :'''Rock''': Yeah, we're in the Lolly Army. ''[he and Paper put on Lolly ponytails]'' :'''Paper''': How did you get a date with her? :'''Scissors''': I just asked. See, most men are afraid of rejection, but not me. I'm used to rejection. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': First of all, every track is a banger. :'''Rock''': Also, this Scissors guy sounds like a jerk. :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Rock! <hr width="50%"> :''[Lolly writes an album about Scissors after their disastrous date when he accidentally spilled his spaghetti noodles on her dress, making him become the most hated person on Earth]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the TV after watching the news]'' This is terrible! I gotta go down to Convenient News and tell everyone I'm not a bad guy! ''[walks down the street, passing a crowd, angrily booing at him]'' I know, I know, but I'll explain everything on TV! :'''Driver''': This is for Lolly! ''[splashes water on him]'' :'''Driver #2''': This is also for Lolly! ''[splashes more water on him]'' :'''Driver #3''': ''[throws out a bucket of snakes]'' EAT SNAKES, JERK! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[returns to the apartment; bummed]'' Of all the bad days in my life, that probably broke the top 50. ''[sees his friends dancing to Lolly's album]'' :'''Paper''': By the way, I'd also recommend not going online. :'''Rock''': We wrote some really nasty stuff. :'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the music]'' Guys, this is serious! I can't even leave the house! I gotta get everyone to stop hating me. :'''Rock''': I don't know how you could do that. :'''Paper''': Yeah, Lolly's the victim here. :'''Scissors''': ''[as an idea pops into his head]'' That's it! ''That's'' how you win over the public sympathy! I just need to out-victim Lolly. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[apologizing to everyone after hearing the song]'' I just heard the song for the first time, and I understand why you and Lolly are upset (with me). I was so consumed by my desire to be loved that I didn't see I was taking advantage of her fame. It was selfish and immature, and I never want to hurt anyone like that again. I'm truly, truly sorry. Will you accept my apology? :''[After a brief moment…]'' :'''Everyone''': NO! <hr width="50%"> :'''Lolly''': This is ''way'' out of hand! Sure, Scissors messed up, but doesn't deserve ''this.'' And frankly, you guys are so intense sometimes it scares me. I mean, is that a mythological war hammer?! ''[Paper is shown to be holding and electrical war hammer and he and Rock sadly hang their heads down]'' So please, take it down a notch. And you don't need to do things like this for me. I'm not a god. ''[stops the meteor from hitting the Earth; voice booming] '''NO!''''' :'''Meteor''': Whatever you say, Lolly! Love the new album! ''[flies away into space]'' :''[Everyone leaves, saying sorry]'' :'''Paper''': Sorry, Lolly. :'''Lolly''': I heard your apology. I'm glad you learned your lesson. And I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have written 16-full length songs about why you were terrible. :'''Scissors''': Sixteen? I thought you only wrote ten. :'''Lolly''': No, I only released ten. I might release the other six as bonus tracks. ''[Everyone comes back, screaming excitedly]'' But I might not! :'''Everyone''': ''[disappointed]'' Aww! ''[walk away]'' :'''Lolly''': Hey, all this aside, I did still have fun with you. So maybe we could go on a second date. What do you think? :'''Scissors''': ''[thinking about it for a moment]'' Hard pass. :'''Lolly''': What? :'''Scissors''': Do you have any idea how awful you made my life? I was the most hated man on Earth. The nation of Japan publicly denounced me. And I was almost torn apart by 2,000 psychopaths in bows. So, yes, I '''''did''''' learn a lesson, but it was to never, ever date pop stars. Hard pass. ''[walks away]'' :'''Lolly''': That wasn't very nice. I should write an album about that. ===''Paper Takes the Phones / The Bedtime Story [2.07]''=== :''[Paper takes away Rock and Scissors' cellphones for confiscation, forcing them to spend quality with him in putting together a puzzle]'' :'''Rock''': Hey! :'''Scissors''': Give it back! :'''Paper''': You know, I just want us all to connect, but you're always on your phones. :'''Scissors''': Name one comedic example. ===''Scissors is a Good Boy / Paper's Family Get-Together [2.08]''=== :'''Franz''': Wait. Who is that? ''[points to Scissors, mistaking him for a dog]'' Look at you! You are such a good boy! :'''Scissors''': ''[baffled]'' Does he think I'm a dog? :'''Franz''': ''[throws a ball]'' Fetch! :'''Scissors''': I mean, I'm gonna get the ball. It's a cool ball. :'''Franz''': ''[turns to Rock]'' Rock, your dog is amazing! :'''Rock''': Uh, that's not my dog. :'''Franz''': So it's a stray? I must have it! ''[to Scissors]'' How'd you like to come live with your new doggie daddy? :'''Scissors''': Dude, I'm '''''not''''' a dog. <hr width="50%"> :'''Parchment Paper''': Paper? What's going on? And why are your friends here? :'''Scissors''': We kidnapped Paper too? :'''Rock''': Because we have beef and… Uh… Come back to me. :'''Paper''': What's going on is I don't want to go back to that table! You don't know how humiliating it is to hear about all the incredible things you do every year because I never do any myself. ''[to Sandpaper]'' You're working on big action movies, ''[to his mother]'' you're breaking national news, and I'm just Plain Paper. That's why I staged this kidnapping. Rock, Scissors, and I were fighting Dr. Big Bat over a giant strawberry we grew for the county fair, and we thought he'd make a good kidnapper. But then you got through all the bats, so I had to call a bunch of people I met over the past year. Like the ghosts we befriended when we tried to get the perfect holiday picture, the tortoises I accidentally made huge from toxic ooze and taught martial arts in the sewer, and the Hipponoids from the time I stopped their invasion and saved Earth. :'''Newspaper''': Hold on. You did all that in the last year? :'''Paper''': ''[sadly]'' Yeah, I go on a lot of silly adventures. :'''Sandpaper''': Paper, that's not silly at all. :'''Paper''': It's not? :'''Parchment Paper''': Are you kidding? Who goes on adventures like that? :'''Toilet Paper''': Yeah, that's… That's incredible! :'''Rock''': Ah, that's why I should've said. ===''Moonami 12 / Spider Court [2.09]''=== ===''Scissors, the Supervillain / Car Wash Nationals [2.10]''=== ==Season 3== ===''The Watching / Nightmares [3.01]''=== ===''Emotional Support Convertible / The Baseball [3.02]''=== ===''Rock's Half Birthday / Cherry Picking [3.03]''=== ===''The Wish / Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Paper, Scissors [3.04]''=== ===''Salmon Delivery for Ya / The Train Problem [3.05]''=== ===''Hardcore / Scissors' New Therapist [3.06]''=== ===''The Henry Winkler Episode / Paper Loves Potato [3.07]''=== ===''The Secret / Sandpaper's Workout Program [3.08]''=== ===''Paper: Renowned Researcher / Meatball [3.09]''=== ===''The Apology Soirée / Scissors' Perfect Match [3.10]''=== ==Cast== *[[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] – Scissors *[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]] – Rock *[[w:Thomas Lennon|Thomas Lennon]] – Paper *[[w:Melissa Villaseñor|Melissa Villaseñor]] – Pencil *[[w:Ray Chase (voice actor)|Ray Chase]] – The Rat Bros; Logan, Brody, Brogan / Baron Von Snootsberg *[[w:Max Mittelman|Max Mittelman]] – Derf the Rat Bro / Shoot *[[w:Eddie Pepitone|Eddie Pepitone]] – Lou Zer *[[w:Lauren Ash|Lauren Ash]] – Sandpaper / Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel *[[w:Betsy Sodaro|Betsy Sodaro]] – Potato *[[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] – The Susan *[[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] – Chad Brockchad *[[w:JP Karliak|JP Karliak]] – Convenient News Reporter *[[w:Abby Trott|Abby Trott]] – Robot Executive *Marlene Martinez – Astonishing Catalina *[[w:Alessia Cara|Alessia Cara]] – Lolly *[[w:Flula Borg|Flula Borg]] – Franz Roll *[[w:Mallory Jansen|Mallory Jansen]] – Cate Blanket *[[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] – Dr. Big Bat *Vanessa Marshall – Newspaper *[[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] – Parchment Paper *Jay Pharaoh – Toilet Paper [[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Current shows]] [[Category:Nicktoons]] [[Category:Nickelodeon shows]] ghuz3ugi4ldjt3tu31okh35b8pno29d 3949367 3949366 2026-06-06T00:33:51Z ~2026-33411-58 3337046 /* The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06] */ 3949367 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)|Rock Paper Scissors]]''''' is an American animated comedy television series for Nickelodeon created by Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman. ------ ==Season 1== ===''Birthday Police / Paper's Big Lie [1.01]''=== :'''Rock''': Get ready. 'Cause we're about to go on an adventure. :'''Paper''': There will be twists. There will be turns. :'''Scissors''': But if we stick together, ''[his sunglasses shine]'' I promise… we will complete this maze for ages five and under! :'''Rock''': Let's get the cat to the cat food! :'''Paper''': Yeah! :'''Scissors''': We got this. ''[The Birthday Police Car speakers start playing a Rock and Roll version of "Happy Birthday"]'' '''Speaker''': ''[sings]'' Happy Birthday to you. '''Rock''': ''[screams]'' I love this song! '''Speaker''': ''[continues singing]'' Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to you! ''[Officer Wishowski aims the Confetti Cannon at the trio]'' '''Scissors''': Confetti Cannon! I can't see! ''[Paper coughs as the trio wipe the confetti off their bodies]'' '''Rock & Scissors''': Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they both fall to the floor]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor again]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor a third time and Paper's machine got knocked over]'' '''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' What the heck are you doing?! '''Scissors''': Trying to do a jump jump kick. '''Rock''': You know, from video games. When your second jump is in the air, then you do a really cool kick. ''[Rock and Scissors try to do it again but they fall to the floor once again]'' '''Paper''': Somehow you two are dumber together. '''Scissors''': ''[gets back up]'' Or we're smarter together. '''Rock''': ''[also gets back up]'' Got it. ''[he and Scissors try to high five each other but they slap their faces and fall to the floor the final time]'' ===''Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02]''=== :''[The trio are doing meditation poses and are interrupted by thumping sounds from the fourth floor]'' :'''Rock''': What the heck was that?! :'''Scissors & Paper''': ''[enviously]'' The Rat Bros. :''[They show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door; smugly]'' 'Sup, losers? :'''Rock''': Losers? :'''Paper''': Come on. :'''Scissors''': Man, you're cool. :'''Paper''': What is going on in there?! :'''Logan''': Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. ''[shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan and Derf, on their pogo sticks]'' We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… oh, that's right…you don't have pogo sticks. :'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. :''[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]'' :'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me. :'''Scissors''': We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool. ===''Weekend Story / Putty [1.03]''=== :'''Pencil''': Skydiving? Wow, Paper. I was just about to be your girlfriend, but not anymore, you boring turkey! ''[pulls a lever, causing Paper to eject and laughs maniacally]'' : : :'''Pencil #1''': No conflict pirates? :'''Pencil #2''': Swords as decoration? :'''Pencil #3''': You wear glasses? :'''Paper''': ''You'' wear glasses? :'''Pencil #3''': Yeah, but I wear them as well. :''[The Pencil clones all press a button together, causing Paper to eject and laugh diabolically]'' : :'''Paper''': You can run, but you can't fly! ''[laughs evilly; activating his drone]'' ===''Hide and Seek / The First Lou Episode [1.04]''=== :'''Scissors''': ''[dramatic]'' You think you can hide from me?! Well, you're wrong because I… will… seek you! ''[playfully]'' Ready or not, here I come! ''[annoyed]'' Rock, you're behind the lamp. You're really bad at this game. :''[Rock notices and sighs sadly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Paper''': Rock, I need your help to find Scissors. :'''Rock''': You have to find me first. ''[giggles]'' :'''Paper''': I mean, you're wearing camouflage against the blue wall. :'''Rock''': ''[notices]'' Okay, I'll do it. But only if I can keep playing. :'''Paper''': Sure. Go nuts. :''[Rock cartwheels back to the camouflage wall and sighs sadly]'' :'''Rock''': I am not good at this game. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The trio are knitting a friendship blanket together while singing a song when they hear a banging sound from the door]'' :'''Lou''': ''[off-screen]'' It's Lou. Let me in. :'''Scissors''': Shoot, it's the landlord! :'''Paper''': Don't answer it. I don't want to deal with that pile of garbage. :'''Rock''': Paper! He's not that bad. :'''Paper''': No, I mean, he's literally trash. :''[Rock opens the door, revealing Lou, a grumpy landlord standing in the doorway]'' :'''Rock''': Lou, can you please put on pants? :'''Lou''': Pants? What am I, rich? You'd think I work on Wall Street? Oh, look at me. I wear pants and own a sports team. Why don't I buy a Lamborghini, too, wear that around my legs? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lou''': ''[as the end credits roll]'' Look at all these Hollywood phonies. Oh, Bob. Bob pronounces it "croi-ssant." Very annoying. Kurt, he's a fancy guy! Drinks seltzer! What are you, not getting enough free air? You got to pay to drink it? And let me tell you something about Nickelodeon, and I won't let them censor this! They... ''[a card sequence reading, '''"Oops! Please stand by"''' appears]'' I hope you like this episode, 'cause now, they get a lot worse! ===''The Susan / Eyebrows [1.05]''=== :'''Scissors''': The Susan is right. :'''Rock''': The Susan is always right. :'''Paper''': Well, this is the first time The Susan has talked, remember? :'''Rock''': We're sorry. :'''Scissors''': We should have never changed you. :'''Paper''': Can you forgive us? : : : : : :'''Rock''': ''[pacing back and forth]'' What am I gonna do about this audition?! Without my eyebrows, no one'll read my emotions! :'''Paper''': You seem very calm about this. :'''Rock''': No, I'm not! I'm freaking out! :'''Paper''': I can't-uh, do you need a snack? Are you cold? Did you slam your hand in a new or possibly old car door? ''[Rock draws angry eyebrows on two notepads and puts them on his forehead]'' Oh, oh, oh, you're upset. Don't worry. I think I can help you with my robotics invention. I'll make you… a pair of… animatronic eyebrows! ===''Scissors Gets a Job [1.06]''=== :'''Rock''': You made money by faking injuries and suing people? That's terrible. :'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh, moral Rock doesn't like making his money through fraudulent lawsuits. :'''Paper''': Broke or not, you still have to pay for your pizza. Maybe it's time you stop being a bum and get a job. :'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly once again]'' Oh, judgmental Paper calls me a bum just 'cause I fit the definition of one. :'''Paper''': Why don't you ever wanna find work? Is it because you're not really good at anything? :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Hey! :'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors is good at lot of things, like, uh, sunglasses. :'''Scissors''': Forget you guys. I'll find work when I want to. :'''Paper''': Well, until you do, you ''can't'' have pizza with us. :'''Scissors''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Paper''': In fact, every time you walk through that door, Rock and I will be eating pizza until it motivates you to get a job. :'''Rock''': Awesome! :'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' Fine! You just watch. I'll have pizza money in no time. ''[bumps his leg on the table]'' Ow, my leg or- :'''Judge''': In the case of Scissors vs. Paper and his dangerous coffee table, the court rules in favor of Paper. :'''Scissors''': ''[rips the bandages off himself]'' Dang it! Alright. I'll get a job. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I've been fired from every job I've tried, and this was kind of my last option. But I guess I'll go home and tell my roommates they were right about me. I'm a loser. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[weakly and stuffed with a huge belly]'' Scissors, did you… ''[stomach grumbles while he clutches it]'' Oh. …get a job yet? :'''Rock''': ''[pushes Paper aside, also stuffed with a huge belly]'' Please say yes. :'''Scissors''': Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm hiding out in a chamomile field. :'''Paper''': Oh, of course you are. Then you leave us no choice. ''[pulls a giant pizza pie]'' We're going to eat the most decadent pizza ever created. :'''Rock''': No! :'''Paper''': The Ultimate Meat Huggers Double Stuffed Deep Dishanator with 50 pounds… of cheese. ''[Rock starts crying as he eats a slice while Scissors looks confused]'' It's so… ''[grabs his stomach while groaning as it grumbles]'' ...good. :'''Rock''': ''[whimpers as Paper eats another slice]'' Oh, there's pizza underneath the pizza! ''[he and Paper eat more slices until they fall on their sides and holding their bellies in pain]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. I know what I'm good at! ''[runs away, dropping his phone]'' :'''Paper''': Oh, Rock, he ran away. We're gonna come find you, Scissors. We just want to have… ''[his stomach gurgles; groans]'' …as much fun… Oh, no. …as we're having! :'''Rock''': No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!!!!! ===''The Arctic / Prank War [1.07]''=== :'''Paper''': Why is it so hot in here? :'''Rock''': Scissors crank the heater up so he can show off his new tank top. :'''Scissors''': Check it out! It's a monster truck with enormous biceps. It's perfect for tough guys like me. I even had them print my motto on the back. '''''"If you want the 'ceps, you do the reps."''''' :'''Paper''': You don't ''do'' the reps, and why are you in a tank top? It's winter. ''[opens the window blinds, revealing the winter sky and wind]'' You're gonna overload the heater like this. It can't handle… ''[the heater suddenly breaks down and the cold air breezes into the apartment; sighs in annoyance]'' Without me, you guys would not survive. :''[The trio stand outside of Lou's apartment]'' :'''Lou''': I'm ''raising'' the rent! :'''Rock''': Lou! :'''Paper''': Hold on! :'''Scissors''': Give us a second! :'''Paper''': Listen, our heater broke and we need you to fix it. :'''Lou''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, fancy, boys, you "set" the temperature in your apartment. You don't got to turn on a hot plate and rub it on your bum. :'''Rock''': You don't got it either. :'''Lou''': Well, I can't help you. I'm on my way to Landlord Con. It's a meetup for landlords where we talk about plumbing and famous literature. :'''Scissors''': Name one book. :'''Lou''': Fine, it's just plumbing. Anyway, I'll be back in three days. Mittens, you're the new landlord while I'm gone. :''[Mittens walks out of the doorway and meows to them as if he was saying "I'm ''raising'' the rent!"]'' :'''Rock''': Mittens! :'''Paper''': Come on! :'''Scissors''': That's so unfair! ''[as he and his friends return to their apartment]'' It'll be fine. We could survive without heat for three days. :''[They enter their apartment and shockingly find it all covered in snow and icicles]'' :'''Paper''': Well, we can go stay with my mom. :'''Rock''': New adventure! Rock, Paper, Scissors move in with Paper's mom! :'''Paper''': ''[trying to open the door, but only to find that it's quickly frozen; grunting]'' It's frozen shut! We're trapped! :'''Scissors''': By the way, fun fact about monster trucks-- they don't normally have biceps. :'''Paper''': ''[groans annoyingly]'' Well, we're off to a great start. We can't call for help because our phones are frozen. ''[to Scissors]'' You won't put on a jacket because you keep saying you "run hot." :'''Scissors''': ''[shivering; resisting the cold temperature]'' T-t-tough guys like me don't g-get cold. :'''Paper''': And Rock is not taking this seriously. <hr width="y50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[wearily while making an igloo]'' I just need to finish this igloo. That'll keep us safe. :'''Rock''': Oh, here's a good one. If you were a warm, nutritious food, what warm, nutritious food would you be? ''[igloo explodes, covering them in snow]'' Do you prefer the hot or the cold? :'''Scissors''': Fun fact about me, I actually run… :'''Paper''': ''[snapping]'' Shut up! Shut up! Ah, I hate this! I am tired of you two being incapable, and I hate always being the savior of this group! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': What'll it take to get you to join? You want money, gifts, someone to hug you and say, "Good job, son"? Wait, that's what I want. :'''Paper''': Look, pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest! :'''Scissors''': ''[to Rock]'' How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now? :'''Pencil''': ''[bursting into their apartment]'' Guys, the Rat Bros asked me to join their side in the prank war! :'''Rock''': ''[shocked] WHAT?!'' Wait, I actually don't know how to feel about this yet. Keep talking. :'''Pencil''': I'm so excited! Most people don't know this about me, but I'm a huge trickster. One time, I told a coworker something was made of polycarbonate when it was actually made of polythylmethacrylate! :'''Paper''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, you are bad. <hr width="50%"> :''[The trio are hiding behind a bush in the park, watching the Rat Bros weightlifting]'' :'''Scissors''': Okay. What's the plan, new guy? :'''Paper''': I say we sneak up and blast them with my water balloon cannon. Now, Rock! Push the button! :'''Rock''': ''[tries to push the button but the laser zaps him causing him to dance uncontrollably]'' I'm trying but I can't stop dancing! :'''Scissors''': I'll do it. ''[the laser zaps him; his body starts to inflate like a balloon and floats away]'' What is- Rock, grab me! GRAB ME! ''[holds onto the cannon]'' :'''Paper''': What the heck is going- ''[the laser zaps him; screams as his neck extends like a giraffe and his giraffe-like head falls to the ground]'' Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! :''[The Rat Bros walk up to them]'' :'''Rock''': Oh, the party won't stop! :'''Logan''': 'Sup, boys? Were you planning to blast us with your secret weapon? Well, ''we'' have a secret weapon too. :'''Pencil''': ''[popping up from a nearby bush]'' I made an atomic transmogrification laser! It can alter molecular structure in really crazy ways! Watch. ''[zaps Scissors' head, causing it to also inflate]'' :'''Scissors''': My head! My head is a balloon! ''[floats away]'' :'''Paper''': Okay, this might be a bit harder than I thought. :'''Scissors''': Sharp branch! Sharp branch! :''[Scissors' nose is poked by a branch and deflates around while the Rat Bros laugh]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[wakes up when he hears loud crashing sounds]'' Did you guys hear something? ''[his brothers wake up, also hearing the sound; they walk over to Scissors, disguised as a graffiti painting, then walk over to Rock, mistaking him for a smart device]'' Smart device, play smooth jazz. ''[Rocks plays some music, but not smooth jazz; walks over to Paper holding a sign saying: "I'm a TV"; realizing something]'' Wait a second. ''[turns back to Rock]'' That's Afro-Cuban jazz! :''[Rock smiles sheepishly]'' :'''Paper''': GRAB THE LASER! <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rat Bros have tied up the trio to chairs for sneaking into their apartment and trying to steal Pencil's transmogrification laser]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[to Brody, Brogan and Derf]'' Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just wanna say I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one. :'''Pencil''': Theft, Paper? That was your plan? You know, I expected something that basic from Scissors, and maybe Rock, 'cause I don't know much about him. :'''Rock''': We should hang out more. :'''Pencil''': We should! But come on, man, up your game. It's like, I'm Issac Newton and you're Godfried-Willem Raes. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[interrupting the Prank War award ceremony while in a mech suit]'' Stop that crowning! :'''Woman''': What? Stop the crowning? :'''Paper''': ''[walks up on the stage]'' Oh, you thought this was over? ''[snickers]'' Well, ''prank! [Scissors grabs Derf from his seat; stands on the podium]'' Ladies and gentlemen, answer me this: How can the Rat Bros accept the prank crown if the Rat Bros aren't all on this planet? ''[Derf is then strapped to a rocket]'' Yes! Do it, Scissors! Wedgie that Rat Bro into space! Look at me now, Pencil! I'm Issac Newton! I'm Issac Newton! ''[laughs maniacally, shaking the podium]'' :''[Rock, Pencil, the Rat Bros, the audience and Paper all watch as Scissors is preparing to fire the missile and send Derf off into space]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[suddenly having a change of heart]'' No. ''[deactivates the rocket and sets Derf down]'' :'''Paper''': What? :'''Scissors''': No more prank war! ''[the audience gasps]'' I just had a huge revelation. Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. :'''Paper''': Wait, that's what I said. :'''Scissors''': Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. :'''Paper''': ''[baffled]'' Is he doing my speech? :'''Scissors''': As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest! :''[The audience clap and cheer, and the Rat Bros whistle]'' :'''Rock''': Whoo! <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[kneels down to Scissors]'' Good job, son. ''[he and Scissors hug as the latter sheds tears of happiness]'' ===''Key Limes / Six Pieces of Turkey [1.08]''=== :'''Scissors''': ''[pukes in the trash can and moans]'' Oh, man. Did you see me driving back there? I was cool as a cu- ''[pukes in the trash again]'' …cumber. ===''The Other Rock Paper Scissors / The Astonishing Catalina [1.09]''=== :'''Better Rock, Paper, & Scissors''': Hello! :'''Scissors''': Oh, boy. :'''Better Rock''': Come in, come in! :'''Paper''': Huh. Your place looks similar to ours. :'''Scissors''': Although, I see you don't see have a TV. :'''Better Scissors''': Why would we need a TV? We're too entertained by our friends. :'''Rock, Paper & Scissors''': Ugh. :'''Better Rock''': Thanks for bringing these over. Funny enough, we just got some of your mail today, too. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': I don't understand. :'''Scissors''': You're smarter than us, you're nicer than us, you're at least 15 other things better than us. What's wrong with you guys?! :'''Better Scissors''': You tell us. We're always willing to grow. :''[Scissors yells in rage]'' :'''Better Paper''': Hey, you seem upset. Why don't we all go to the couch and talk about our feelings? :''[The better trio fly back to the couch]'' :'''Rock''': You fly too?! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': We can live like this. <hr width="50%"> :'''Catalina''': Why won't you let me do the trick?! :'''Scissors''': Because it makes me feel uncool! :'''Catalina''': What are you talking about? You're effortlessly cool! The only way I can feel cool is by doing magic! :'''Scissors''': I find that hard to believe, 'cause everything about you is cool! You're stylish and confident and turn horses into dragons! :'''Catalina''': But you never blink an eye! I've done so many horrible things to you and you always say you can live like this! :'''Scissors''': YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON I KNOW! :'''Catalina''': THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT ''YOU!'' ===''Pencil Comes Over / The Wind [1.10]''=== :'''Paper''': I can't believe that worked. :'''Scissors''': I know. It went exactly like I-''[pukes on the ground]'' Oh, whatever. <hr width="50%"> :'''Sandpaper''': You're the vomit boy? :'''Scissors''': That was one time and it hasn't happened si- ''[pukes on the ground again]'' Oh, why? ===''The Holiday Picture / Scrubs [1.11]''=== :'''Rock''': Guys! We got more holiday cards! :'''Paper''': ''[disappointed]'' Man, everyone looks so perfect in these photos-- Lou, the Rat Bros, even Crazy-Eyed Pirate. :'''Rock''': Who? :'''Scissors''': I don't know. We met a lot of wacky characters. It's hard to keep track. :'''Paper''': Why can't ''we'' take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went Super Saiyan. :'''Scissors''': That year was awesome! :'''Paper''': And the year Rock dressed up as some old cartoon character. :''[The last photo shows Rock in his Rocko getup from [[w:List of Rocko's Modern Life characters|Rocko's Modern Life]]]'' :'''Rock''': You didn't enjoy ''"Rocko, Paper, Scissors"?'' :'''Paper''': Eh, it was okay. :'''Scissors''': I liked that show. The main guy was always like… ''[imitating Rocko's voice]'' "Hey, mate, I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky. He-he." ''[normally]'' Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression. :'''Paper''': I just want ''one'' perfect holiday photo. <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': Wait. Where ''is'' your chain? :'''Scissors''': Oh! Toast Ghost is covering it! Aw, man! Now the caption doesn't make any sense! <hr width="50%"> :''[The trio are eating at a cafe while Paper is dressed in a medical uniform and scrubs, much to Scissors' jealousy]'' :'''Scissors''': So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes. :'''Paper''': Whatever do you mean? :'''Rock''': Guys, let's be peaceful. :'''Scissors''': I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears. :'''Paper''': Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas. :'''Scissors''': And the stethoscope? :'''Paper''': I thought it was a necklace. :'''Scissors''': Yeah? You wear necklaces now? :'''Rock''': Scissors, take a breath. :'''Scissors''': This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper! :'''Orange-haired Kid''': Wow, a real-life hero! ''[offers Paper to sign his autograph]'' How can I be a doctor one day? :'''Paper''': I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes. :'''Scissors''': That's literally all he did! :'''Rock''': Let's ask ''why'' this upsets you. :'''Scissors''': Rock, you went on one meditation retreat, you're not some wise, old sage. ''[points to Paper]'' And ''he's'' not a doctor! I bet he can't even tell you what hospital he works at! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[grumbles annoyingly]'' I'm gonna get more respect than ''you,'' Paper. And I know someone's society respects even ''more'' than doctors. ''[walks off and comes back, wearing a basketball jersey]'' :'''Paper''': What are you wearing? :'''Scissors''': A basketball jersey… Which I guess makes me a professional basketball player. :'''Paper''': Oh, please. You really think people are going to believe that you're… :'''Woman''': Ronald Jamison! <hr width="50%"> :'''Orange-haired Kid''': ''[sitting with three humanoid children pair of scissors]'' What the heck is going on? <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Come on, Paper, I'm really hurt! Just admit you're not a doctor! :'''Paper''': Only if ''you'' admit you're ''not'' Ronald Jamison! :'''Scissors''': Why don't I admit myself to the hospital…where you don't work! ===''Bowling / The Character Quiz [1.12]''=== :'''Rock''': Want to tell your problems to a rock you never met? :'''Bowling Owner''': ''[sighs]'' It's that Scissors guy. He's putting me out of business. See? At my bowling alley, a perfect score gets you a free tub of curly fries and a free game. And Scissors got so good at bowling, he hasn't paid for a game in 2 years. :'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain. :''[Scissors laughs deviously while wearing an evil mustache made of curly fries]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[to Scissors]'' Listen, Scissors. It would really help the owner if you started paying for curly fries. :'''Scissors''': Oh, naive Rock, always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting deals for all... they're... worth! ''[laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash behind him]'' Man, these deals make me a maniac. :'''Rock''': I like to believe that if you reach out your arms to others, their arms will reach back out to you. :'''Scissors''': You also believe the Earth is heart-shaped. I can't trust anything you say. :'''Rock''': Then how about this? I challenge you to a game of bowling. If I win, you have to start paying for curly fries. But if you win, you get the bowling alley. :'''Scissors''': Seriously? I mean, yeah, of course. That's a very uneven deal. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again. :'''Rock''': Don't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. ''[hands him a letter]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[reads the letter]'' '''''"Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!"''''' ''[later cut to him talking to a therapist]'' I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! ''[lightning bolts flash behind him once again]'' :'''Therapist''': And where do you think that comes from? :'''Scissors''': ''[starts crying]'' I don't know! <hr width="50%"> :''[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: "The Gang's All Here" and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]'' :'''Creepo''': I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. ''[hisses at a car that just passed him]'' I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! ''[holds up a jar of his chest hair]'' :'''Dave''': Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave. :'''Rock''': See? :'''Logan''': ''[enters the trio's apartment]'' I heard you guys got Stephernie. ''I'' got Stephernie! :'''Brody''': I got Fire Hydrant. :'''Lou''': ''[sliding in]'' I got Dave! :'''Scissors''': Sure. :'''Logan''': I see that. :'''Paper''': Me too. :'''Rock''': How? How do you see that? :'''Logan''': Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. ''[he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party. :'''Scissors''': Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive. :'''Paper''': Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too? :'''Sandpaper''': Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no. Secret's out. :'''Scissors''': ''[noticing something]'' Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is '''''not''''' a Stephernie! ''[the others gasp in shock]'' No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. ''[to Sandpaper]'' What's Stephernie's last name?! :'''Sandpaper''': Stephernie. :'''Scissors''': Good. ''[to Baron Von Snootsberg]'' Walk like Stephernie! ''[Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey]'' Good. ''[to Robot Executive]'' In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house? :'''Robot Executive''': Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party! :''[Paper sighs in relief]'' :'''Scissors''': That's exactly what she said. :'''Paper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… ''[everyone looks at him, suspiciously]'' in a Stephernie way. ''[walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]'' :'''Robot Executive''': Yes, that checks out. :'''Scissors''': Yeah, very Stephernie. :'''Rock''': ''[on the phone with Paper]'' You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior. :'''Paper''': ''[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth]'' You just said you're breaking into a TV studio! :'''Rock''': For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake! :'''Paper''': Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie. :'''Rock''': Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars. :'''Paper''': What is this show? :'''Scissors''': ''[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything]'' Not a Stephernie, huh? :'''Paper''': I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me! :'''Scissors''': ''[kneels down]'' Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana? :'''Paper''': Seriously, what is this show? <hr width="50%"> :'''Wizard''': Listen, Fire Hydrant, I'm your brother. And I don't think this man you're dating is right for you. :'''Fire Hydrant''': I can't help it. I like my men like I like my fires… Smokin'! <hr width="50%"> :'''Creepo''': Hey, pal. ''You're'' the Creepo here. Here's your popsicle stick and your chest hair. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I'm sorry, Paper. I should have never tried to dunk you in a vat of hot lava just for not identifying with the same fictional TV character. :'''Paper''': And ''I'm'' sorry that-- ''[realizes]'' actually, my thing wasn't that bad. ===''Potato / The Fart Joke Debate [1.13]''=== :'''Paper''': It's "The Paper Show"! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. ''[Logan gets up and walks away]'' The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... ''[throws some things which are deadly and screams]'' Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? ''[drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing]'' No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started. :'''Scissors''': Jacket! :'''Paper''': Can I get another word? :'''Pencil''': Circus! :'''Paper''': Can I get a fruit that's round and orange? :'''Rock''': Kumquat! :''[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]'' :'''Paper''': ''[rapping]'' When I say "Paper", you say "rules". Paper- :'''Rock, Scissors, Pencil, & Lou''': No. <hr width="50%"> :'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Eh. I just don't like fart jokes. :''[everyone gasps in horror]'' :'''Rock''': What did you say? :'''Paper''': I don't think they're funny. :''[everyone gasps again]'' :'''Scissors''': Not even Long Squeakers? :'''Pencil''': Butt Trumpets? :'''Rock''': Wet and Nasties? :'''Paper''': Ew, what? No. :'''Scissors''': ''[to Pencil and Rock]'' Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… ''are'' funny. ===''Paper's Secret Weapon / The Sled Hill [1.14]'' === :'''Paper''': ''[mumbling to himself while working]'' Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then. :'''Scissors''': Hey, Paper. What are you working on? :'''Paper''': ''[turns around with an angry face]'' I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy! :'''Rock''': Whoa. :'''Scissors''': Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it. :'''Paper''': Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! ''[karate kicks a wall and runs off]'' :'''Rock''': We might have made him a little too angry. :'''Scissors''': Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry. :'''Rock''': ''[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling]'' Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always. :''[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]'' :'''Paper''': Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Scissors, I forbid you from sledding down that hill. It's a slippery slope ''straight'' to the emergency room. Also, don't add anything I didn't say during this flashback. I'm a big stick-in-the-mud, poopy-pants, poop-poop guy. <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground]'' Scissors, are you alright? :'''Scissors''': ''[sits up]'' Oh, my arm. :'''Rock''': ''[looks at Scissors' right arm]'' Looks okay to me. ''[sees his broken left arm]'' Oh, the ''broken'' arm. :'''Scissors''': ''[whining]'' Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this. :'''Rock''': Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. ''[opens the case and springs pop out of it]'' It's also a comedy school. :'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' :'''Rock''': We gotta get Paper. :'''Scissors''': No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, "I was right" like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me? :'''Rock''': I'm with you. ''[high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing]'' Oh, right. Your arm. ===''Scissors' Catapult / Pencil and Potato [1.15]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work]'' Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. ''[he goes to the roof instead]'' However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- ''[he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully]'' I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. ''[whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster]'' Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. ''[accidentally breaks the chair]'' Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. ''[tries to push the fridge to make it fall]'' And is this fridge gonna fall? ''[straining]'' Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on! :'''Rock''': Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them? '''Future Kevin''': If you're not going to mow my lawn, I'll make ''you'' mow my lawn! '''Future Scissors''': ''[while wearing a horse costume]'' You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?<hr width="50%"> :'''Pencil''': But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home! :'''Scissors''': There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything! :'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub? :'''Rock''': Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest. :'''Paper''': Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest. : : : :'''Potato''': Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest. : : : : :'''Waitress''': I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic. :''[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]'' :'''Rock''': Oh, no. He's running out of conversation. :'''Scissors''': Quick! Feed him a line! : :'''Paper''': Uh… ''[touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger]'' Flub-Bub. : : :'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub! :'''Waitress''': ''[swoons]'' Oh, Flub-Bub. :''[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]'' :'''Scissors''': Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe. :'''Flub-Bub''': ''[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice]'' Flub-Bubby! :'''Rock''': Oh. :'''Scissors''': Right. :'''Paper''': Totally forgot about that. ===''Resolutions / Paper's Book Club [1.16]''=== :'''Scissors''': You know calculators are usually smaller than that, right? And don't run on someone shoveling in coal? :'''Paper''': Whatever, it works. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure. :'''Rock''': And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions. :'''Scissors''': But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year. :'''Rock''': You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[talking about Scissors' resolution]'' January 1st: Scissors sees a poorly-translated Foreign film called ''"Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success"''. :'''Buff Man''': I lift weight, prove I big success! :'''Paper''': The resolution is made. January 2nd: Scissors buys every piece of gym equipment he can find and a giant tub of muscle powder. ''[Scissors tries to open the lid]'' But he's not strong enough to open the lid. January 3rd: Scissors eats an entire chocolate cake, feels badly about himself, and gives up on his resolution. And that's the end of the story. Although, there was a day in mid July where Scissors remembered the resolution and had a moment of renewed resolve. But then he ate another entire chocolate cake and felt terrible about himself. :''[Scissors moans in disappointment]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs. :'''Rock''': You did what?! :''[Scissors queasily pukes in the toilet due to a bad pain in his stomach]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Ugh, I'm gonna look like a fool! Paper makes me so mad I could just flip this… ''[tries to flip over the weight bench]'' well, maybe not the weight bench, but these tinier weights! ''[tries to flip them]'' Or at least this weight bench instruction manual! ''[tries to flip the manual; groans]'' How is this possible?! ''[later sits on the floor, watching "Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success" while eating an entire chocolate cake and feeling horrible about himself… as usual]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[to Paper]'' Hey, can we talk for a second? ''[looks at the camera]'' Uh, off camera? ''[cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them]'' Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary. :'''Paper''': ''[sighs]'' Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… ''[turns to the camera]'' because I needed it for this movie! ''[laughs and leaves]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]'' :'''Rock''': There were hamsters in there? :'''Paper''': ''[to Scissors]'' How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds! :'''Scissors & Rock''': ''[both gasp; simultaneously]'' I completed my New Year's resolution! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Let's sharpen our pens! ''[sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]'' :'''Rock''': Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen ''my'' pen! ''[does the same thing like Scissors did]'' :''[Words appear reading: '''"Don't try this at home. Obviously."''']'' :'''Paper''': ''[annoyed while he facepalms]'' Doofuses. ''[suddenly gets an idea]'' Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know! <hr width="50%"> :'''News Reporter''': This just in, multiple business owners are sad today, as they've had to close from all the free things they've given away to satisfy customer complaints. And as we all know, the only people who write complaints are whiny little poops. Here's a sketch of what such poops may or may not look like. :''[A drawing sketch of Rock and Scissors is shown]'' :'''Rock''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no, we're hurting people! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[attempting to return all the free stuff]'' I'm giving it back! :'''Scissors''': ''[trying to stop him]'' You're not giving it back! :'''Paper''': ''[barges into the apartment]'' Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… ''[looks around at all the free stuff]'' have no idea what this is. :'''Rock''': Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. ''[A pink flamingo walks past them]'' I don't even know what we complained about to get that. :'''Paper''': Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's ''bad,'' because people who complain are automatically viewed as right. :'''Scissors''': See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified. :'''Rock''': Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island? <hr width="50%"> :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': Thanks for coming into the Nickelodeon offices today, Scissors. We brought you in because we received a complaint letter from, well, him. :''[Rock sits next to her and crosses his arms while glaring at Scissors, revealing he's the one who wrote the letter]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Oh, you whiny little poop. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[reading the letter] '''"Dear Nickelodeon… In your program, "Rock Paper Scissors", Scissors' behavior has been morally reprehensible."''''' :'''Scissors''': Everyone's ''so'' sensitive. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[continues reading] '''"He rarely learns lessons, and, when given the opportunity to grow, continues with awful behavior."''''' :'''Scissors''': Yeah, that's what makes me fun. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[finishes reading] '''"This is not a character who should be exposed to our children. Please do something immediately."''''' I'm sorry, but we're suspending you from the show for two weeks. :'''Scissors''': WHAT?! (Two weeks?!) Who are you even gonna get to replace me? :''[The show's intro plays with Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel as Scissors' temporary replacement and the show's title being changed to "Rock Paper Nutso"]'' :'''Nutso''': This show's about to get Nutso! ===''National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[stretching himself]'' Alright, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! ''[exits the apartment building, and is surprised to see the whole town celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]'' :'''Rock''': Happy International Rock Day! :'''Paper''': International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday. :'''Rock''': Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors. :'''Scissors''': ''[leading a marching band]'' Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': (Hello?) Is this the Committee of National Holidays? :'''Rock''': ''[turning around in his chair, revealing himself]'' You bet it is! :'''Paper''': ''[suprised]'' Rock?! ''You're'' on the committee?! :'''Rock''': Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day. :'''Raspberry Cake''': I'm cake. :'''Paper''': ''[disbelieved]'' Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please. :''[The representatives all laugh]'' :'''Rock''': Paper, we don't just ''give'' out days. :'''Pencil''': Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one. :'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here. :'''Pencil''': Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears. <hr width="50%"> :'''Potato''': That presentation was ''terrible.'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying a bunch of groceries]'' :'''Paper''': Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries? :'''Scissors''': ''[sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich]'' I would, but my hands are full. :'''Rock''': Well, just put it down. :'''Scissors''': ''[now holding a lamp]'' Now I have another thing. :'''Paper''': Scissors! :''[Scissors whistles while holding a sandwich, a lamp, and three bowling balls]'' :'''Rock''': Scissors, come on! Can you just help us ''one'' time? <hr width="50%"> :'''Nice Scissors''': Excuse me. Could I talk to you about helping? :'''Traffic Cop Scissors''': Can't you see I'm busy directing traffic? ''[makes the cars crash into each other and laughs evilly]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[A memory footage shows Young Scissors running down the school hallway, and accidentally rips his pants while crouching down to pick up a piece of paper, showing his underwear and butt crack]'' :'''Young Scissors''': Oh, no! I ripped my pants at school! ''[gets attacked by a Pterodactyl that swooped in]'' :'''Nice Scissors''': That was a bad day. ===''The Family Business / Glitter Bomb [1.18]''=== :'''Rock''': ''[covered in glitter after singing a tune while getting mail]'' What just happened? :'''Scissors''': I think someone sent you a glitter bomb. :'''Rock''': ''[getting angry]'' Do you know how difficult it is to remove glitter? Who would do this to me? ''[sadly]'' Who would do this to me?! ''[furiously]'' WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?! ''[After Rock catches Paper with a fishing pole]'' '''Paper''': No! Please! Please! '''Rock''': ''[holds up tape]'' It's folding time. '''Paper''': Forgive me! Forgive me! No! '''Rock''': ''[reveals the words on the tape saying "Gotcha"] [happy]'' Gotcha! '''Paper''': What? '''Scissors''': ''[runs up to him]'' Gotcha! Oh, man. We got you so good! '''Paper''': What the heck is going on? '''Rock''': We knew you did the glitter bomb the whole time. '''Scissors''': So we thought it'd be funny if Rock pretended to be ''enraged'' by it and go on a crazy manhunt to scare you. '''Paper''': What?! '''Scissors''': Yeah, all of us were in on it. The mailman, Chad BrockChad, all the prisoners. '''Rock''': ''[giggles]'' Pretty funny, huh, Paper? '''Paper''': Are you insane? This isn't funny at all! I thought my life was in danger! '''Scissors''': It's just a joke. '''Paper''': I've been living Alaska for eight months! I bought a house here! I- ''[stammers]'' Look. I should have never tried to be funny, but you two shouldn't have either, so no more jokes. Okay? From now on, let's just all agree that none of us are funny. '''Rock''': Yeah. I guess none of us are funny. '''Scissors''': Not a one of us. ''[the trio sadly stare one by one at the viewer]'' ===''Diapers / R.O.V.E.R. [1.19]''=== :'''Paper''': Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful. :'''Scissors''': Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation. :'''Paper''': You don't ''have'' a cool reputation. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[after throwing all the diapers into the ocean as they start absorbing]'' Oh, no! I forgot how absorbent they are! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure. :'''Scissors''': ''[sobbing]'' AND MINE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS! :'''Rock''': Yeah, we heard about that. ''[outside the apartment building, a giant diaper rolls down the street, passing by]'' It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along. :'''Scissors''': How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! ''[Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's signifying it]'' It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks cold, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… ''[Rock and Paper both sulk]'' Or Rock's. ===''Trash [1.20]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[sniffs an unpleasant smell]'' What is that smell? :'''Scissors''': ''[looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around]'' I think it's Rock. :'''Paper''': Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash? :'''Scissors''': ''[waving his hand; dismissively]'' Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it. :'''Paper''': No, do it now. :'''Scissors''': I'll do it really soon. <hr width="50%"> :'''Dian''': I'm at my breaking point, Chris. We've dealt with too much noise and agony from all these wacky Rock Paper Scissors shenanigans. ''[flashback shows multiple episodes from the past]'' The rhino stomping around when Putty was there, the meltwater dripping through when their place turned into the Arctic, last Christmas, they were 10 different ghosts, and at one point, Scissors farted into a microphone and blew out all the windows in the building. What's it going to take for us to go up there and say something? ==Season 2== ===''Franz Roll and the Lost Rainbow Pants of Atraxes the Apple Bottomed [2.01]''=== ===''Paper and Pencil Tell a Joke / Scissors' Orchestra [2.02]''=== Pencil: Paper! PAPER! I got it! Paper: Pencil, are you okay? Pencil: (snoring loudly) ===''Shoot / Rock's First Day of Work [2.03]''=== ===''Paper Attends an Elite Institution / The New Landlord [2.04]''=== :'''Scissors''': You wanna go home? :'''Paper''': Why? Because you think I can't ''handle'' 3rd grade? :'''Scissors''': No, because I do not care about this. :'''Paper''': Oh, yeah, you think I'm too stupid that I can't get ''one'' "A"? :'''Scissors''': Listen. I know I usually antagonize you in situations like this, but I'm really not invested here. Rock and I are apartment-sitting for Pencil this week, and we're gonna play with all her cool gadgets, which seems like way more fun than this… frankly sad 3rd grade development. So, do whatever you want, but again, I could not care less. :'''Paper''': Well, ''I'll'' show you, Scissors! I ''will'' get an "A", an "A-plus", with a good job sticker on top! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[holding up one of Pencil's gadgets]'' Scissors, look! Pencil has a shapeshifter! ''[activates it, turning him and Scissors into snowmen]'' :'''Rock & Scissors''': Whoa! ''[they then turn into [[w:Minecraft|Minecraft]] style]'' Whoa! :'''Paper''': Well, I bet you're ''loving'' this, Scissors! Old doofus Paper failing 3rd grade! :''[Rock and Scissors have turned into an apple and a banana]'' :'''Scissors''': Again, I do not care. :'''Paper''': And now I have a group project due at the end of the week on genetic engineering and no one will want to work with me 'cause I'm the least intelligent kid in the class! :''[Rock and Scissors have then turned into frogs]'' :'''Scissors''': Paper, we've turned ourselves into frogs. We're looking for flies. :'''Paper''': Could we just acknowledge this?! This is insane! I mean, Rock, do ''you'' know quantum mechanics? :'''Rock''': Of course! I learned it in the 3rd grade. <hr width="50%"> :'''Catalina''': I'll be back, Scissors! And next time, I'll take you down! :'''Scissors''': Not if I take you down first. :'''Catalina''': How could you?! You have the brain of an ant! :'''Scissors''': And you have the face of the dead! :'''Catalina''': I hate you so much! :'''Scissors''': I HATE YOU MORE! :''[They slowly start to kiss, but snap out of it and look away from each other, awkwardly]'' :'''Catalina''': Anyway, you're the worst. :'''Scissors''': Yeah, uh… same to you. :'''Rock''': What is happening with them?! ===''The Origami Robot / Scissors Sees An Inspirational Sports Movie [2.05]''=== :''[The trio's apartment is being decorated for the holidays and Paper and Pencil are decorating the Christmas tree together]'' :'''Paper''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' I love the holidays. It really is the best time of year. :'''Pencil''': Yeah. You get to relax, have some quiet time, and… :'''Rock''': ''[barging in with Scissors clutching his stomach in pain]'' SCISSORS ATE A PINECONE! :'''Pencil''': What?! Why?! :'''Scissors''': Rock dared me to! :'''Rock''': No, I said, "Don't do that!" :'''Scissors''': Which I took as a dare! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': I'm with Paper. This really is the best time of year. :'''Paper''': It is. And I'm glad everything worked out. :'''Pencil''': Although I do feel bad the robot didn't remove the pinecone. :''[Zoom out to reveal Scissors laying flat on the floor with the pine tree growing out of his buttocks, which Paper and Pencil were decorating]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' Not as bad as I do. <hr width="50%"> :''[Scissors is watching an inspirational sports movie when Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying groceries]'' :'''Paper''': Oh, shoot! He's watching an inspirational sports movie! :'''Rock''': Every time he sees one of those, he thinks ''he'' can do that stuff! :'''Paper''': Turn it off! TURN IT OFF! :'''Rock''': ''[searching everywhere for the remote]'' I can't! Where's the remote?! :'''Crowd''': ''[chanting on TV]'' Scrudy! Scrudy! :'''Paper''': I DON'T KNOW! JUST RIP THE CORD OUT OF THE WALL! :'''Rock''': Which one?! THERE ARE SO MANY CORDS! ===''The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06]''=== :''[Paper and Scissors are watching Rock playing a [[w:The Sims (video game)|Sims]] parody video game, until they hear the Rat Bros laughing and cheering from above the fourth floor]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Are the Rat Bros having another party? :'''Rock''': They are such jerks! :'''Paper''': Let's go up there and tell them to start being respectable members of society. :'''Scissors''': Okay, but just don't get on your high horse again. :''[Cut to them standing outside the Rat Bros' apartment while Paper rides on his high horse; Scissors knocks on the door]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' 'Sup, bros? Oh, are we tutoring too loud? :'''Paper''': Tutoring? :'''Logan''': Yeah. We tutor underprivileged kids all the time. ''[shows his brothers tutoring four children]'' Ruby, tell 'em the thesis of your report. :'''Ruby''': In a juxtaposition of the sublime and the banal, the artist's oeuvre deftly encapsulates the ephemeral nature of human experience. :''[Derf blares a party air horn; the trio are baffled by what they just saw and are back in their apartment…]'' :'''Scissors''': What the heck was that?! :'''Rock''': The Rat Bros aren't supposed to be better than us! They're supposed to be one-dimensional bad guys! :'''Paper''': Yeah! I refuse to live in a world where the Rat Bros are morally superior. Because then we can't judge them! And that's how I feel good about myself! :'''Scissors''': Paper, get off the horse. :'''Paper''': I can't, I need a step stool! :''[Meanwhile, in the Rat Bros' apartment…]'' :'''Logan''': ''[laughing]'' Did you see how upset they were? :'''Brogan''': Our altruistic plan is totally working! :'''Derf''': We are such jerks! :'''Rat Bros''': ''[chest bumping]'' Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! :'''Brody''': ''[confused]'' But wait… are we jerks? Tutoring these kids is really nice. Bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. :'''Logan''': Brody, don't be ridiculous. We're only doing good things to make Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel bad about themselves, which is a jerk thing to do. And remember, the two rules of being a Rat Bro: If a bro asks you to spot 'em, you gotta spot 'em. And what's number two, kids? :'''Kids''': Rat Bros are jerks because jerks are cool. :'''Logan''': And you wanna be cool, right, Brody? :'''Brody''': Of course. That's my one and only thought. :''[Zoom into his head and brain]'' :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. :'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Shower? :'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. <hr width="50%"> :''[Rat Bros' apartment; Logan is reading an article about the trio being the best guys in town and receiving all the praise]'' :'''Logan''': ''[outraged]'' Ugh! This makes me so mad! Why do we still pay for the newspaper?! ''[throws the newspaper on the ground and marches over to the weight bench]'' Brogan, spot me. I'm doing an angry set! We cannot let Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel good about themselves. We have to beat them! :'''Brody''': Wait, Logan. Are you saying… :'''Logan''': Yes, Brody. It's time for an altruistic-off! :'''Ruby''': Altruistic-off: A competition in which people or groups try to win by doing the most good for society. :'''Logan''': Uh, Ruby, you can go home. Okay. Derf, go save the whales. Brogan and I will eliminate political corruption. And Brody? Get a PhD in robotic engineering to give people without limbs the best in robotic prostheses. :'''Derf''': But, Logan, I already have a PhD in robotic engineering. :'''Logan''': Too late. I already gave out the assignments. :''[Another article shows the Rat Bros being #1 good guys and receiving more praise]'' :'''Rock''': ''[reading the article; infuriated]'' This is terrible! Newspapers are so important, and no one cares anymore! ''[throws the newspaper in anger]'' :'''Scissors''': What's the point of cleaning all this garbage off the street if we're losing?! ''[pushes the huge garbage bag out the window, and it splatters on the street, covering some people in garbage]'' :'''Paper''': We have to beat the Rat Bros, otherwise, I won't be able to judge them on my high horse! And how am I supposed to feel good about myself then, by winning horse races? ''[the horse shakes its head no]'' See? He's not into it! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Feast your eyes, Rat Bros! I have created a device that will solve the global housing crisis by spitting out a fully-built house in just ''five'' seconds! :'''Scissors''': We're gonna officially unveil it tomorrow at the Nobel Prize ceremony and beat you once and for all! :'''Rock''': Build houses! That's what we should do! :'''Paper''': See? He got there. ''[he and his friends leave with their invention]'' :'''Logan''': ''[frustrated]'' D'oh! I can't believe they're gonna beat us! They are such… good guys. :'''Brody''': Actually, I think we'll still win. :'''Logan''': What do you mean? :'''Brody''': I saw a flaw in the device's engine. If they try to use that thing, it'll explode. :'''Derf''': Yes! :'''Brogan''': Sweet! :'''Logan''': All right! :'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! :'''Brody''': ''[quietly as Logan and Brogan walk away]'' Nice, bro. :'''Derf''': ''[noticing Brody's timidity; concerned]'' Hey, are you okay? :'''Brody''': Yeah, I'm cool. ''[chuckles awkwardly]'' Cool. I'm cool! Ha-ha. Cool guy. Super cool Brody. Listen, can I tell you something? You remember how I got my PhD from Princeton, right? :'''Derf''': Yeah, in two days. Very impressive. :'''Brody''': Well, I got a job at a hospital working in robotic prosthetics. ''[Flashback begins with him putting some robotic arms on his patient: Mr. Drake]'' All right, Mr. Drake. Test them out. :'''Mr. Drake''': ''[grips his robotic arms, controlling them; surprised]'' Oh my gosh. I-I can wave! I can point! I can… ''[uses them to scratch an itch on his behind]'' Oooh, I've been waiting to scratch that for 25 years! :'''Brody''': ''[voice-over]'' But then, something weird happened. :'''Mr. Drake''': Could I… hug you? It would be the first hug I've ever given. :'''Brody''': ''[unsure]'' Um… I don't really-- :'''Mr. Drake''': ''[hugging him; sobbing happily]'' Thank you, Brody. You changed my life! :'''Brody''': ''[hugs him in return with his eyes tearing up; voice-over]'' It felt amazing! And for the first time, I had a new thought. :''[Zoom into his head and brain]'' :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. :'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Be good. :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. :'''Brody's Neuron #2''': We really should shower, though. :'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! :''[Back to the present]'' :'''Brody''': I think… I think I might be a good guy. :'''Derf''': ''[gasps in dramatic shock]'' No. Brody, no. A-are you sure? :'''Brody''': This morning, I wrote a big check to a food bank! :'''Derf''': But you know the rules… jerks are cool. Good guys are… I don't even know! :'''Brody''': Derf, I get it. But I'm thinking about that machine and… it just feels wrong to do nothing. Those homes would help so many people. :'''Derf''': Look, I know it's tough, but sometimes you gotta make hard choices in life. Do you want to foster the well-being of millions… or be cool? ''[starts to walk away]'' :'''Brody''': Hey, Derf… when you were saving the whales, were you thinking about beating Rock, Paper, and Scissors, or about how good it felt to save those whales? :'''Derf''': ''[thinking for a second]'' Get some rest, bro. ''[resumes walking away]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Next day at the Nobel Prize ceremony… while the trio are preparing to present their house-building invention, Brody sneaks into backstage to fix it, and finds that Logan was already there, feeling deeply betrayed by finding out about his "being good" conversation with Derf]'' :'''Brody''': ''[surprised]'' Logan! :'''Logan''': ''[disappointed]'' I knew I'd find you here. Your "nice, bro" chest bump yesterday was lackluster at best. I gotta say, I feel betrayed… like Edmond Dantès in ''The Count of Monte Cristo.'' :'''Brody''': That's a very literate reference. :'''Logan''': Ah, we covered a lot in tutoring. :'''Brody''': I'm sorry, but I can't let that device explode. :'''Logan''': Spot me. :'''Brody''': ''[having to have heard that; shocked]'' What? Here?! :'''Logan''': I wanna do a set. ''[Brody obeys and sets down the pliers]'' Why are you doing this, Brody?! :'''Brody''': The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of. :'''Logan''': Is that Blaise Pascal? :'''Brody''': We covered a lot in tutoring. <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[to Brody; irked]'' You said it wouldn't work! Ugh, whatever. We'll find another way to get Rock, Paper, and Scissors. ''[walks off]'' :'''Brody''': ''[turns to the invention; puzzled]'' But how did it not explode? :'''Derf''': ''[off-screen]'' I guess we'll never know. :'''Brody''': ''[turns to him holding the pliers, revealing '''he's''' the one who fixed it; surprised]'' Derf?! :'''Derf''': ''[hands Brody back the pliers]'' Maybe being a good guy is cool too. ''[walks off into the sunset as Brody smiles touchingly, realizing that their conversation changed his mind]'' :'''Paper''': ''[with his foot stuck in the saddle's stirrup]'' HELP! I'm stuck in the stirrup! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Scissors, I don't know if you know this, but we're big Lolly fans. :'''Rock''': Yeah, we're in the Lolly Army. ''[he and Paper put on Lolly ponytails]'' :'''Paper''': How did you get a date with her? :'''Scissors''': I just asked. See, most men are afraid of rejection, but not me. I'm used to rejection. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': First of all, every track is a banger. :'''Rock''': Also, this Scissors guy sounds like a jerk. :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Rock! <hr width="50%"> :''[Lolly writes an album about Scissors after their disastrous date when he accidentally spilled his spaghetti noodles on her dress, making him become the most hated person on Earth]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the TV after watching the news]'' This is terrible! I gotta go down to Convenient News and tell everyone I'm not a bad guy! ''[walks down the street, passing a crowd, angrily booing at him]'' I know, I know, but I'll explain everything on TV! :'''Driver''': This is for Lolly! ''[splashes water on him]'' :'''Driver #2''': This is also for Lolly! ''[splashes more water on him]'' :'''Driver #3''': ''[throws out a bucket of snakes]'' EAT SNAKES, JERK! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[returns to the apartment; bummed]'' Of all the bad days in my life, that probably broke the top 50. ''[sees his friends dancing to Lolly's album]'' :'''Paper''': By the way, I'd also recommend not going online. :'''Rock''': We wrote some really nasty stuff. :'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the music]'' Guys, this is serious! I can't even leave the house! I gotta get everyone to stop hating me. :'''Rock''': I don't know how you could do that. :'''Paper''': Yeah, Lolly's the victim here. :'''Scissors''': ''[as an idea pops into his head]'' That's it! ''That's'' how you win over the public sympathy! I just need to out-victim Lolly. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[apologizing to everyone after hearing the song]'' I just heard the song for the first time, and I understand why you and Lolly are upset (with me). I was so consumed by my desire to be loved that I didn't see I was taking advantage of her fame. It was selfish and immature, and I never want to hurt anyone like that again. I'm truly, truly sorry. Will you accept my apology? :''[After a brief moment…]'' :'''Everyone''': NO! <hr width="50%"> :'''Lolly''': This is ''way'' out of hand! Sure, Scissors messed up, but he doesn't deserve ''this.'' And frankly, you guys are so intense sometimes it scares me. I mean, is that a mythological war hammer?! ''[Paper is shown to be holding and electrical war hammer and he and Rock sadly hang their heads down]'' So please, take it down a notch. And you don't need to do things like this for me. I'm not a god. ''[stops the meteor from hitting the Earth; voice booming] '''NO!''''' :'''Meteor''': Whatever you say, Lolly! Love the new album! ''[flies away into space]'' :''[Everyone leaves, saying sorry]'' :'''Paper''': Sorry, Lolly. :'''Lolly''': I heard your apology. I'm glad you learned your lesson. And I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have written 16-full length songs about why you were terrible. :'''Scissors''': Sixteen? I thought you only wrote ten. :'''Lolly''': No, I only released ten. I might release the other six as bonus tracks. ''[Everyone comes back, screaming excitedly]'' But I might not! :'''Everyone''': ''[disappointed]'' Aww! ''[walk away]'' :'''Lolly''': Hey, all this aside, I did still have fun with you. So maybe we could go on a second date. What do you think? :'''Scissors''': ''[thinking about it for a moment]'' Hard pass. :'''Lolly''': What? :'''Scissors''': Do you have any idea how awful you made my life? I was the most hated man on Earth. The nation of Japan publicly denounced me. And I was almost torn apart by 2,000 psychopaths in bows. So, yes, I '''''did''''' learn a lesson, but it was to never, ever date pop stars. Hard pass. ''[walks away]'' :'''Lolly''': That wasn't very nice. I should write an album about that. ===''Paper Takes the Phones / The Bedtime Story [2.07]''=== :''[Paper takes away Rock and Scissors' cellphones for confiscation, forcing them to spend quality with him in putting together a puzzle]'' :'''Rock''': Hey! :'''Scissors''': Give it back! :'''Paper''': You know, I just want us all to connect, but you're always on your phones. :'''Scissors''': Name one comedic example. ===''Scissors is a Good Boy / Paper's Family Get-Together [2.08]''=== :'''Franz''': Wait. Who is that? ''[points to Scissors, mistaking him for a dog]'' Look at you! You are such a good boy! :'''Scissors''': ''[baffled]'' Does he think I'm a dog? :'''Franz''': ''[throws a ball]'' Fetch! :'''Scissors''': I mean, I'm gonna get the ball. It's a cool ball. :'''Franz''': ''[turns to Rock]'' Rock, your dog is amazing! :'''Rock''': Uh, that's not my dog. :'''Franz''': So it's a stray? I must have it! ''[to Scissors]'' How'd you like to come live with your new doggie daddy? :'''Scissors''': Dude, I'm '''''not''''' a dog. <hr width="50%"> :'''Parchment Paper''': Paper? What's going on? And why are your friends here? :'''Scissors''': We kidnapped Paper too? :'''Rock''': Because we have beef and… Uh… Come back to me. :'''Paper''': What's going on is I don't want to go back to that table! You don't know how humiliating it is to hear about all the incredible things you do every year because I never do any myself. ''[to Sandpaper]'' You're working on big action movies, ''[to his mother]'' you're breaking national news, and I'm just Plain Paper. That's why I staged this kidnapping. Rock, Scissors, and I were fighting Dr. Big Bat over a giant strawberry we grew for the county fair, and we thought he'd make a good kidnapper. But then you got through all the bats, so I had to call a bunch of people I met over the past year. Like the ghosts we befriended when we tried to get the perfect holiday picture, the tortoises I accidentally made huge from toxic ooze and taught martial arts in the sewer, and the Hipponoids from the time I stopped their invasion and saved Earth. :'''Newspaper''': Hold on. You did all that in the last year? :'''Paper''': ''[sadly]'' Yeah, I go on a lot of silly adventures. :'''Sandpaper''': Paper, that's not silly at all. :'''Paper''': It's not? :'''Parchment Paper''': Are you kidding? Who goes on adventures like that? :'''Toilet Paper''': Yeah, that's… That's incredible! :'''Rock''': Ah, that's why I should've said. ===''Moonami 12 / Spider Court [2.09]''=== ===''Scissors, the Supervillain / Car Wash Nationals [2.10]''=== ==Season 3== ===''The Watching / Nightmares [3.01]''=== ===''Emotional Support Convertible / The Baseball [3.02]''=== ===''Rock's Half Birthday / Cherry Picking [3.03]''=== ===''The Wish / Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Paper, Scissors [3.04]''=== ===''Salmon Delivery for Ya / The Train Problem [3.05]''=== ===''Hardcore / Scissors' New Therapist [3.06]''=== ===''The Henry Winkler Episode / Paper Loves Potato [3.07]''=== ===''The Secret / Sandpaper's Workout Program [3.08]''=== ===''Paper: Renowned Researcher / Meatball [3.09]''=== ===''The Apology Soirée / Scissors' Perfect Match [3.10]''=== ==Cast== *[[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] – Scissors *[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]] – Rock *[[w:Thomas Lennon|Thomas Lennon]] – Paper *[[w:Melissa Villaseñor|Melissa Villaseñor]] – Pencil *[[w:Ray Chase (voice actor)|Ray Chase]] – The Rat Bros; Logan, Brody, Brogan / Baron Von Snootsberg *[[w:Max Mittelman|Max Mittelman]] – Derf the Rat Bro / Shoot *[[w:Eddie Pepitone|Eddie Pepitone]] – Lou Zer *[[w:Lauren Ash|Lauren Ash]] – Sandpaper / Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel *[[w:Betsy Sodaro|Betsy Sodaro]] – Potato *[[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] – The Susan *[[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] – Chad Brockchad *[[w:JP Karliak|JP Karliak]] – Convenient News Reporter *[[w:Abby Trott|Abby Trott]] – Robot Executive *Marlene Martinez – Astonishing Catalina *[[w:Alessia Cara|Alessia Cara]] – Lolly *[[w:Flula Borg|Flula Borg]] – Franz Roll *[[w:Mallory Jansen|Mallory Jansen]] – Cate Blanket *[[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] – Dr. Big Bat *Vanessa Marshall – Newspaper *[[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] – Parchment Paper *Jay Pharaoh – Toilet Paper [[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Current shows]] [[Category:Nicktoons]] [[Category:Nickelodeon shows]] kconnnli1xoef0bbcdni9qgyazp93h9 3949371 3949367 2026-06-06T00:41:32Z ~2026-33411-58 3337046 /* The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06] */ 3949371 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)|Rock Paper Scissors]]''''' is an American animated comedy television series for Nickelodeon created by Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman. ------ ==Season 1== ===''Birthday Police / Paper's Big Lie [1.01]''=== :'''Rock''': Get ready. 'Cause we're about to go on an adventure. :'''Paper''': There will be twists. There will be turns. :'''Scissors''': But if we stick together, ''[his sunglasses shine]'' I promise… we will complete this maze for ages five and under! :'''Rock''': Let's get the cat to the cat food! :'''Paper''': Yeah! :'''Scissors''': We got this. ''[The Birthday Police Car speakers start playing a Rock and Roll version of "Happy Birthday"]'' '''Speaker''': ''[sings]'' Happy Birthday to you. '''Rock''': ''[screams]'' I love this song! '''Speaker''': ''[continues singing]'' Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to you! ''[Officer Wishowski aims the Confetti Cannon at the trio]'' '''Scissors''': Confetti Cannon! I can't see! ''[Paper coughs as the trio wipe the confetti off their bodies]'' '''Rock & Scissors''': Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they both fall to the floor]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor again]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor a third time and Paper's machine got knocked over]'' '''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' What the heck are you doing?! '''Scissors''': Trying to do a jump jump kick. '''Rock''': You know, from video games. When your second jump is in the air, then you do a really cool kick. ''[Rock and Scissors try to do it again but they fall to the floor once again]'' '''Paper''': Somehow you two are dumber together. '''Scissors''': ''[gets back up]'' Or we're smarter together. '''Rock''': ''[also gets back up]'' Got it. ''[he and Scissors try to high five each other but they slap their faces and fall to the floor the final time]'' ===''Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02]''=== :''[The trio are doing meditation poses and are interrupted by thumping sounds from the fourth floor]'' :'''Rock''': What the heck was that?! :'''Scissors & Paper''': ''[enviously]'' The Rat Bros. :''[They show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door; smugly]'' 'Sup, losers? :'''Rock''': Losers? :'''Paper''': Come on. :'''Scissors''': Man, you're cool. :'''Paper''': What is going on in there?! :'''Logan''': Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. ''[shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan and Derf, on their pogo sticks]'' We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… oh, that's right…you don't have pogo sticks. :'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. :''[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]'' :'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me. :'''Scissors''': We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool. ===''Weekend Story / Putty [1.03]''=== :'''Pencil''': Skydiving? Wow, Paper. I was just about to be your girlfriend, but not anymore, you boring turkey! ''[pulls a lever, causing Paper to eject and laughs maniacally]'' : : :'''Pencil #1''': No conflict pirates? :'''Pencil #2''': Swords as decoration? :'''Pencil #3''': You wear glasses? :'''Paper''': ''You'' wear glasses? :'''Pencil #3''': Yeah, but I wear them as well. :''[The Pencil clones all press a button together, causing Paper to eject and laugh diabolically]'' : :'''Paper''': You can run, but you can't fly! ''[laughs evilly; activating his drone]'' ===''Hide and Seek / The First Lou Episode [1.04]''=== :'''Scissors''': ''[dramatic]'' You think you can hide from me?! Well, you're wrong because I… will… seek you! ''[playfully]'' Ready or not, here I come! ''[annoyed]'' Rock, you're behind the lamp. You're really bad at this game. :''[Rock notices and sighs sadly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Paper''': Rock, I need your help to find Scissors. :'''Rock''': You have to find me first. ''[giggles]'' :'''Paper''': I mean, you're wearing camouflage against the blue wall. :'''Rock''': ''[notices]'' Okay, I'll do it. But only if I can keep playing. :'''Paper''': Sure. Go nuts. :''[Rock cartwheels back to the camouflage wall and sighs sadly]'' :'''Rock''': I am not good at this game. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The trio are knitting a friendship blanket together while singing a song when they hear a banging sound from the door]'' :'''Lou''': ''[off-screen]'' It's Lou. Let me in. :'''Scissors''': Shoot, it's the landlord! :'''Paper''': Don't answer it. I don't want to deal with that pile of garbage. :'''Rock''': Paper! He's not that bad. :'''Paper''': No, I mean, he's literally trash. :''[Rock opens the door, revealing Lou, a grumpy landlord standing in the doorway]'' :'''Rock''': Lou, can you please put on pants? :'''Lou''': Pants? What am I, rich? You'd think I work on Wall Street? Oh, look at me. I wear pants and own a sports team. Why don't I buy a Lamborghini, too, wear that around my legs? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lou''': ''[as the end credits roll]'' Look at all these Hollywood phonies. Oh, Bob. Bob pronounces it "croi-ssant." Very annoying. Kurt, he's a fancy guy! Drinks seltzer! What are you, not getting enough free air? You got to pay to drink it? And let me tell you something about Nickelodeon, and I won't let them censor this! They... ''[a card sequence reading, '''"Oops! Please stand by"''' appears]'' I hope you like this episode, 'cause now, they get a lot worse! ===''The Susan / Eyebrows [1.05]''=== :'''Scissors''': The Susan is right. :'''Rock''': The Susan is always right. :'''Paper''': Well, this is the first time The Susan has talked, remember? :'''Rock''': We're sorry. :'''Scissors''': We should have never changed you. :'''Paper''': Can you forgive us? : : : : : :'''Rock''': ''[pacing back and forth]'' What am I gonna do about this audition?! Without my eyebrows, no one'll read my emotions! :'''Paper''': You seem very calm about this. :'''Rock''': No, I'm not! I'm freaking out! :'''Paper''': I can't-uh, do you need a snack? Are you cold? Did you slam your hand in a new or possibly old car door? ''[Rock draws angry eyebrows on two notepads and puts them on his forehead]'' Oh, oh, oh, you're upset. Don't worry. I think I can help you with my robotics invention. I'll make you… a pair of… animatronic eyebrows! ===''Scissors Gets a Job [1.06]''=== :'''Rock''': You made money by faking injuries and suing people? That's terrible. :'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh, moral Rock doesn't like making his money through fraudulent lawsuits. :'''Paper''': Broke or not, you still have to pay for your pizza. Maybe it's time you stop being a bum and get a job. :'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly once again]'' Oh, judgmental Paper calls me a bum just 'cause I fit the definition of one. :'''Paper''': Why don't you ever wanna find work? Is it because you're not really good at anything? :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Hey! :'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors is good at lot of things, like, uh, sunglasses. :'''Scissors''': Forget you guys. I'll find work when I want to. :'''Paper''': Well, until you do, you ''can't'' have pizza with us. :'''Scissors''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Paper''': In fact, every time you walk through that door, Rock and I will be eating pizza until it motivates you to get a job. :'''Rock''': Awesome! :'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' Fine! You just watch. I'll have pizza money in no time. ''[bumps his leg on the table]'' Ow, my leg or- :'''Judge''': In the case of Scissors vs. Paper and his dangerous coffee table, the court rules in favor of Paper. :'''Scissors''': ''[rips the bandages off himself]'' Dang it! Alright. I'll get a job. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I've been fired from every job I've tried, and this was kind of my last option. But I guess I'll go home and tell my roommates they were right about me. I'm a loser. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[weakly and stuffed with a huge belly]'' Scissors, did you… ''[stomach grumbles while he clutches it]'' Oh. …get a job yet? :'''Rock''': ''[pushes Paper aside, also stuffed with a huge belly]'' Please say yes. :'''Scissors''': Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm hiding out in a chamomile field. :'''Paper''': Oh, of course you are. Then you leave us no choice. ''[pulls a giant pizza pie]'' We're going to eat the most decadent pizza ever created. :'''Rock''': No! :'''Paper''': The Ultimate Meat Huggers Double Stuffed Deep Dishanator with 50 pounds… of cheese. ''[Rock starts crying as he eats a slice while Scissors looks confused]'' It's so… ''[grabs his stomach while groaning as it grumbles]'' ...good. :'''Rock''': ''[whimpers as Paper eats another slice]'' Oh, there's pizza underneath the pizza! ''[he and Paper eat more slices until they fall on their sides and holding their bellies in pain]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. I know what I'm good at! ''[runs away, dropping his phone]'' :'''Paper''': Oh, Rock, he ran away. We're gonna come find you, Scissors. We just want to have… ''[his stomach gurgles; groans]'' …as much fun… Oh, no. …as we're having! :'''Rock''': No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!!!!! ===''The Arctic / Prank War [1.07]''=== :'''Paper''': Why is it so hot in here? :'''Rock''': Scissors crank the heater up so he can show off his new tank top. :'''Scissors''': Check it out! It's a monster truck with enormous biceps. It's perfect for tough guys like me. I even had them print my motto on the back. '''''"If you want the 'ceps, you do the reps."''''' :'''Paper''': You don't ''do'' the reps, and why are you in a tank top? It's winter. ''[opens the window blinds, revealing the winter sky and wind]'' You're gonna overload the heater like this. It can't handle… ''[the heater suddenly breaks down and the cold air breezes into the apartment; sighs in annoyance]'' Without me, you guys would not survive. :''[The trio stand outside of Lou's apartment]'' :'''Lou''': I'm ''raising'' the rent! :'''Rock''': Lou! :'''Paper''': Hold on! :'''Scissors''': Give us a second! :'''Paper''': Listen, our heater broke and we need you to fix it. :'''Lou''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, fancy, boys, you "set" the temperature in your apartment. You don't got to turn on a hot plate and rub it on your bum. :'''Rock''': You don't got it either. :'''Lou''': Well, I can't help you. I'm on my way to Landlord Con. It's a meetup for landlords where we talk about plumbing and famous literature. :'''Scissors''': Name one book. :'''Lou''': Fine, it's just plumbing. Anyway, I'll be back in three days. Mittens, you're the new landlord while I'm gone. :''[Mittens walks out of the doorway and meows to them as if he was saying "I'm ''raising'' the rent!"]'' :'''Rock''': Mittens! :'''Paper''': Come on! :'''Scissors''': That's so unfair! ''[as he and his friends return to their apartment]'' It'll be fine. We could survive without heat for three days. :''[They enter their apartment and shockingly find it all covered in snow and icicles]'' :'''Paper''': Well, we can go stay with my mom. :'''Rock''': New adventure! Rock, Paper, Scissors move in with Paper's mom! :'''Paper''': ''[trying to open the door, but only to find that it's quickly frozen; grunting]'' It's frozen shut! We're trapped! :'''Scissors''': By the way, fun fact about monster trucks-- they don't normally have biceps. :'''Paper''': ''[groans annoyingly]'' Well, we're off to a great start. We can't call for help because our phones are frozen. ''[to Scissors]'' You won't put on a jacket because you keep saying you "run hot." :'''Scissors''': ''[shivering; resisting the cold temperature]'' T-t-tough guys like me don't g-get cold. :'''Paper''': And Rock is not taking this seriously. <hr width="y50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[wearily while making an igloo]'' I just need to finish this igloo. That'll keep us safe. :'''Rock''': Oh, here's a good one. If you were a warm, nutritious food, what warm, nutritious food would you be? ''[igloo explodes, covering them in snow]'' Do you prefer the hot or the cold? :'''Scissors''': Fun fact about me, I actually run… :'''Paper''': ''[snapping]'' Shut up! Shut up! Ah, I hate this! I am tired of you two being incapable, and I hate always being the savior of this group! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': What'll it take to get you to join? You want money, gifts, someone to hug you and say, "Good job, son"? Wait, that's what I want. :'''Paper''': Look, pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest! :'''Scissors''': ''[to Rock]'' How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now? :'''Pencil''': ''[bursting into their apartment]'' Guys, the Rat Bros asked me to join their side in the prank war! :'''Rock''': ''[shocked] WHAT?!'' Wait, I actually don't know how to feel about this yet. Keep talking. :'''Pencil''': I'm so excited! Most people don't know this about me, but I'm a huge trickster. One time, I told a coworker something was made of polycarbonate when it was actually made of polythylmethacrylate! :'''Paper''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, you are bad. <hr width="50%"> :''[The trio are hiding behind a bush in the park, watching the Rat Bros weightlifting]'' :'''Scissors''': Okay. What's the plan, new guy? :'''Paper''': I say we sneak up and blast them with my water balloon cannon. Now, Rock! Push the button! :'''Rock''': ''[tries to push the button but the laser zaps him causing him to dance uncontrollably]'' I'm trying but I can't stop dancing! :'''Scissors''': I'll do it. ''[the laser zaps him; his body starts to inflate like a balloon and floats away]'' What is- Rock, grab me! GRAB ME! ''[holds onto the cannon]'' :'''Paper''': What the heck is going- ''[the laser zaps him; screams as his neck extends like a giraffe and his giraffe-like head falls to the ground]'' Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! :''[The Rat Bros walk up to them]'' :'''Rock''': Oh, the party won't stop! :'''Logan''': 'Sup, boys? Were you planning to blast us with your secret weapon? Well, ''we'' have a secret weapon too. :'''Pencil''': ''[popping up from a nearby bush]'' I made an atomic transmogrification laser! It can alter molecular structure in really crazy ways! Watch. ''[zaps Scissors' head, causing it to also inflate]'' :'''Scissors''': My head! My head is a balloon! ''[floats away]'' :'''Paper''': Okay, this might be a bit harder than I thought. :'''Scissors''': Sharp branch! Sharp branch! :''[Scissors' nose is poked by a branch and deflates around while the Rat Bros laugh]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[wakes up when he hears loud crashing sounds]'' Did you guys hear something? ''[his brothers wake up, also hearing the sound; they walk over to Scissors, disguised as a graffiti painting, then walk over to Rock, mistaking him for a smart device]'' Smart device, play smooth jazz. ''[Rocks plays some music, but not smooth jazz; walks over to Paper holding a sign saying: "I'm a TV"; realizing something]'' Wait a second. ''[turns back to Rock]'' That's Afro-Cuban jazz! :''[Rock smiles sheepishly]'' :'''Paper''': GRAB THE LASER! <hr width="50%"> :''[The Rat Bros have tied up the trio to chairs for sneaking into their apartment and trying to steal Pencil's transmogrification laser]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[to Brody, Brogan and Derf]'' Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just wanna say I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one. :'''Pencil''': Theft, Paper? That was your plan? You know, I expected something that basic from Scissors, and maybe Rock, 'cause I don't know much about him. :'''Rock''': We should hang out more. :'''Pencil''': We should! But come on, man, up your game. It's like, I'm Issac Newton and you're Godfried-Willem Raes. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[interrupting the Prank War award ceremony while in a mech suit]'' Stop that crowning! :'''Woman''': What? Stop the crowning? :'''Paper''': ''[walks up on the stage]'' Oh, you thought this was over? ''[snickers]'' Well, ''prank! [Scissors grabs Derf from his seat; stands on the podium]'' Ladies and gentlemen, answer me this: How can the Rat Bros accept the prank crown if the Rat Bros aren't all on this planet? ''[Derf is then strapped to a rocket]'' Yes! Do it, Scissors! Wedgie that Rat Bro into space! Look at me now, Pencil! I'm Issac Newton! I'm Issac Newton! ''[laughs maniacally, shaking the podium]'' :''[Rock, Pencil, the Rat Bros, the audience and Paper all watch as Scissors is preparing to fire the missile and send Derf off into space]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[suddenly having a change of heart]'' No. ''[deactivates the rocket and sets Derf down]'' :'''Paper''': What? :'''Scissors''': No more prank war! ''[the audience gasps]'' I just had a huge revelation. Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. :'''Paper''': Wait, that's what I said. :'''Scissors''': Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. :'''Paper''': ''[baffled]'' Is he doing my speech? :'''Scissors''': As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest! :''[The audience clap and cheer, and the Rat Bros whistle]'' :'''Rock''': Whoo! <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[kneels down to Scissors]'' Good job, son. ''[he and Scissors hug as the latter sheds tears of happiness]'' ===''Key Limes / Six Pieces of Turkey [1.08]''=== :'''Scissors''': ''[pukes in the trash can and moans]'' Oh, man. Did you see me driving back there? I was cool as a cu- ''[pukes in the trash again]'' …cumber. ===''The Other Rock Paper Scissors / The Astonishing Catalina [1.09]''=== :'''Better Rock, Paper, & Scissors''': Hello! :'''Scissors''': Oh, boy. :'''Better Rock''': Come in, come in! :'''Paper''': Huh. Your place looks similar to ours. :'''Scissors''': Although, I see you don't see have a TV. :'''Better Scissors''': Why would we need a TV? We're too entertained by our friends. :'''Rock, Paper & Scissors''': Ugh. :'''Better Rock''': Thanks for bringing these over. Funny enough, we just got some of your mail today, too. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': I don't understand. :'''Scissors''': You're smarter than us, you're nicer than us, you're at least 15 other things better than us. What's wrong with you guys?! :'''Better Scissors''': You tell us. We're always willing to grow. :''[Scissors yells in rage]'' :'''Better Paper''': Hey, you seem upset. Why don't we all go to the couch and talk about our feelings? :''[The better trio fly back to the couch]'' :'''Rock''': You fly too?! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': We can live like this. <hr width="50%"> :'''Catalina''': Why won't you let me do the trick?! :'''Scissors''': Because it makes me feel uncool! :'''Catalina''': What are you talking about? You're effortlessly cool! The only way I can feel cool is by doing magic! :'''Scissors''': I find that hard to believe, 'cause everything about you is cool! You're stylish and confident and turn horses into dragons! :'''Catalina''': But you never blink an eye! I've done so many horrible things to you and you always say you can live like this! :'''Scissors''': YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON I KNOW! :'''Catalina''': THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT ''YOU!'' ===''Pencil Comes Over / The Wind [1.10]''=== :'''Paper''': I can't believe that worked. :'''Scissors''': I know. It went exactly like I-''[pukes on the ground]'' Oh, whatever. <hr width="50%"> :'''Sandpaper''': You're the vomit boy? :'''Scissors''': That was one time and it hasn't happened si- ''[pukes on the ground again]'' Oh, why? ===''The Holiday Picture / Scrubs [1.11]''=== :'''Rock''': Guys! We got more holiday cards! :'''Paper''': ''[disappointed]'' Man, everyone looks so perfect in these photos-- Lou, the Rat Bros, even Crazy-Eyed Pirate. :'''Rock''': Who? :'''Scissors''': I don't know. We met a lot of wacky characters. It's hard to keep track. :'''Paper''': Why can't ''we'' take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went Super Saiyan. :'''Scissors''': That year was awesome! :'''Paper''': And the year Rock dressed up as some old cartoon character. :''[The last photo shows Rock in his Rocko getup from [[w:List of Rocko's Modern Life characters|Rocko's Modern Life]]]'' :'''Rock''': You didn't enjoy ''"Rocko, Paper, Scissors"?'' :'''Paper''': Eh, it was okay. :'''Scissors''': I liked that show. The main guy was always like… ''[imitating Rocko's voice]'' "Hey, mate, I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky. He-he." ''[normally]'' Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression. :'''Paper''': I just want ''one'' perfect holiday photo. <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': Wait. Where ''is'' your chain? :'''Scissors''': Oh! Toast Ghost is covering it! Aw, man! Now the caption doesn't make any sense! <hr width="50%"> :''[The trio are eating at a cafe while Paper is dressed in a medical uniform and scrubs, much to Scissors' jealousy]'' :'''Scissors''': So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes. :'''Paper''': Whatever do you mean? :'''Rock''': Guys, let's be peaceful. :'''Scissors''': I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears. :'''Paper''': Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas. :'''Scissors''': And the stethoscope? :'''Paper''': I thought it was a necklace. :'''Scissors''': Yeah? You wear necklaces now? :'''Rock''': Scissors, take a breath. :'''Scissors''': This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper! :'''Orange-haired Kid''': Wow, a real-life hero! ''[offers Paper to sign his autograph]'' How can I be a doctor one day? :'''Paper''': I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes. :'''Scissors''': That's literally all he did! :'''Rock''': Let's ask ''why'' this upsets you. :'''Scissors''': Rock, you went on one meditation retreat, you're not some wise, old sage. ''[points to Paper]'' And ''he's'' not a doctor! I bet he can't even tell you what hospital he works at! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[grumbles annoyingly]'' I'm gonna get more respect than ''you,'' Paper. And I know someone's society respects even ''more'' than doctors. ''[walks off and comes back, wearing a basketball jersey]'' :'''Paper''': What are you wearing? :'''Scissors''': A basketball jersey… Which I guess makes me a professional basketball player. :'''Paper''': Oh, please. You really think people are going to believe that you're… :'''Woman''': Ronald Jamison! <hr width="50%"> :'''Orange-haired Kid''': ''[sitting with three humanoid children pair of scissors]'' What the heck is going on? <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Come on, Paper, I'm really hurt! Just admit you're not a doctor! :'''Paper''': Only if ''you'' admit you're ''not'' Ronald Jamison! :'''Scissors''': Why don't I admit myself to the hospital…where you don't work! ===''Bowling / The Character Quiz [1.12]''=== :'''Rock''': Want to tell your problems to a rock you never met? :'''Bowling Owner''': ''[sighs]'' It's that Scissors guy. He's putting me out of business. See? At my bowling alley, a perfect score gets you a free tub of curly fries and a free game. And Scissors got so good at bowling, he hasn't paid for a game in 2 years. :'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain. :''[Scissors laughs deviously while wearing an evil mustache made of curly fries]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[to Scissors]'' Listen, Scissors. It would really help the owner if you started paying for curly fries. :'''Scissors''': Oh, naive Rock, always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting deals for all... they're... worth! ''[laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash behind him]'' Man, these deals make me a maniac. :'''Rock''': I like to believe that if you reach out your arms to others, their arms will reach back out to you. :'''Scissors''': You also believe the Earth is heart-shaped. I can't trust anything you say. :'''Rock''': Then how about this? I challenge you to a game of bowling. If I win, you have to start paying for curly fries. But if you win, you get the bowling alley. :'''Scissors''': Seriously? I mean, yeah, of course. That's a very uneven deal. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again. :'''Rock''': Don't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. ''[hands him a letter]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[reads the letter]'' '''''"Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!"''''' ''[later cut to him talking to a therapist]'' I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! ''[lightning bolts flash behind him once again]'' :'''Therapist''': And where do you think that comes from? :'''Scissors''': ''[starts crying]'' I don't know! <hr width="50%"> :''[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: "The Gang's All Here" and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]'' :'''Creepo''': I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. ''[hisses at a car that just passed him]'' I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! ''[holds up a jar of his chest hair]'' :'''Dave''': Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave. :'''Rock''': See? :'''Logan''': ''[enters the trio's apartment]'' I heard you guys got Stephernie. ''I'' got Stephernie! :'''Brody''': I got Fire Hydrant. :'''Lou''': ''[sliding in]'' I got Dave! :'''Scissors''': Sure. :'''Logan''': I see that. :'''Paper''': Me too. :'''Rock''': How? How do you see that? :'''Logan''': Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. ''[he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party. :'''Scissors''': Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive. :'''Paper''': Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too? :'''Sandpaper''': Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no. Secret's out. :'''Scissors''': ''[noticing something]'' Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is '''''not''''' a Stephernie! ''[the others gasp in shock]'' No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. ''[to Sandpaper]'' What's Stephernie's last name?! :'''Sandpaper''': Stephernie. :'''Scissors''': Good. ''[to Baron Von Snootsberg]'' Walk like Stephernie! ''[Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey]'' Good. ''[to Robot Executive]'' In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house? :'''Robot Executive''': Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party! :''[Paper sighs in relief]'' :'''Scissors''': That's exactly what she said. :'''Paper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… ''[everyone looks at him, suspiciously]'' in a Stephernie way. ''[walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]'' :'''Robot Executive''': Yes, that checks out. :'''Scissors''': Yeah, very Stephernie. :'''Rock''': ''[on the phone with Paper]'' You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior. :'''Paper''': ''[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth]'' You just said you're breaking into a TV studio! :'''Rock''': For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake! :'''Paper''': Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie. :'''Rock''': Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars. :'''Paper''': What is this show? :'''Scissors''': ''[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything]'' Not a Stephernie, huh? :'''Paper''': I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me! :'''Scissors''': ''[kneels down]'' Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana? :'''Paper''': Seriously, what is this show? <hr width="50%"> :'''Wizard''': Listen, Fire Hydrant, I'm your brother. And I don't think this man you're dating is right for you. :'''Fire Hydrant''': I can't help it. I like my men like I like my fires… Smokin'! <hr width="50%"> :'''Creepo''': Hey, pal. ''You're'' the Creepo here. Here's your popsicle stick and your chest hair. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': I'm sorry, Paper. I should have never tried to dunk you in a vat of hot lava just for not identifying with the same fictional TV character. :'''Paper''': And ''I'm'' sorry that-- ''[realizes]'' actually, my thing wasn't that bad. ===''Potato / The Fart Joke Debate [1.13]''=== :'''Paper''': It's "The Paper Show"! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. ''[Logan gets up and walks away]'' The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... ''[throws some things which are deadly and screams]'' Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? ''[drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing]'' No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started. :'''Scissors''': Jacket! :'''Paper''': Can I get another word? :'''Pencil''': Circus! :'''Paper''': Can I get a fruit that's round and orange? :'''Rock''': Kumquat! :''[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]'' :'''Paper''': ''[rapping]'' When I say "Paper", you say "rules". Paper- :'''Rock, Scissors, Pencil, & Lou''': No. <hr width="50%"> :'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Eh. I just don't like fart jokes. :''[everyone gasps in horror]'' :'''Rock''': What did you say? :'''Paper''': I don't think they're funny. :''[everyone gasps again]'' :'''Scissors''': Not even Long Squeakers? :'''Pencil''': Butt Trumpets? :'''Rock''': Wet and Nasties? :'''Paper''': Ew, what? No. :'''Scissors''': ''[to Pencil and Rock]'' Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… ''are'' funny. ===''Paper's Secret Weapon / The Sled Hill [1.14]'' === :'''Paper''': ''[mumbling to himself while working]'' Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then. :'''Scissors''': Hey, Paper. What are you working on? :'''Paper''': ''[turns around with an angry face]'' I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy! :'''Rock''': Whoa. :'''Scissors''': Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it. :'''Paper''': Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! ''[karate kicks a wall and runs off]'' :'''Rock''': We might have made him a little too angry. :'''Scissors''': Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry. :'''Rock''': ''[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling]'' Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always. :''[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]'' :'''Paper''': Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Scissors, I forbid you from sledding down that hill. It's a slippery slope ''straight'' to the emergency room. Also, don't add anything I didn't say during this flashback. I'm a big stick-in-the-mud, poopy-pants, poop-poop guy. <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground]'' Scissors, are you alright? :'''Scissors''': ''[sits up]'' Oh, my arm. :'''Rock''': ''[looks at Scissors' right arm]'' Looks okay to me. ''[sees his broken left arm]'' Oh, the ''broken'' arm. :'''Scissors''': ''[whining]'' Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this. :'''Rock''': Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. ''[opens the case and springs pop out of it]'' It's also a comedy school. :'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' :'''Rock''': We gotta get Paper. :'''Scissors''': No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, "I was right" like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me? :'''Rock''': I'm with you. ''[high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing]'' Oh, right. Your arm. ===''Scissors' Catapult / Pencil and Potato [1.15]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work]'' Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. ''[he goes to the roof instead]'' However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- ''[he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully]'' I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. ''[whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster]'' Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. ''[accidentally breaks the chair]'' Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. ''[tries to push the fridge to make it fall]'' And is this fridge gonna fall? ''[straining]'' Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on! :'''Rock''': Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them? '''Future Kevin''': If you're not going to mow my lawn, I'll make ''you'' mow my lawn! '''Future Scissors''': ''[while wearing a horse costume]'' You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?<hr width="50%"> :'''Pencil''': But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home! :'''Scissors''': There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything! :'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub? :'''Rock''': Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest. :'''Paper''': Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest. : : : :'''Potato''': Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest. : : : : :'''Waitress''': I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic. :''[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]'' :'''Rock''': Oh, no. He's running out of conversation. :'''Scissors''': Quick! Feed him a line! : :'''Paper''': Uh… ''[touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger]'' Flub-Bub. : : :'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub! :'''Waitress''': ''[swoons]'' Oh, Flub-Bub. :''[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]'' :'''Scissors''': Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe. :'''Flub-Bub''': ''[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice]'' Flub-Bubby! :'''Rock''': Oh. :'''Scissors''': Right. :'''Paper''': Totally forgot about that. ===''Resolutions / Paper's Book Club [1.16]''=== :'''Scissors''': You know calculators are usually smaller than that, right? And don't run on someone shoveling in coal? :'''Paper''': Whatever, it works. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure. :'''Rock''': And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions. :'''Scissors''': But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year. :'''Rock''': You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': ''[talking about Scissors' resolution]'' January 1st: Scissors sees a poorly-translated Foreign film called ''"Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success"''. :'''Buff Man''': I lift weight, prove I big success! :'''Paper''': The resolution is made. January 2nd: Scissors buys every piece of gym equipment he can find and a giant tub of muscle powder. ''[Scissors tries to open the lid]'' But he's not strong enough to open the lid. January 3rd: Scissors eats an entire chocolate cake, feels badly about himself, and gives up on his resolution. And that's the end of the story. Although, there was a day in mid July where Scissors remembered the resolution and had a moment of renewed resolve. But then he ate another entire chocolate cake and felt terrible about himself. :''[Scissors moans in disappointment]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs. :'''Rock''': You did what?! :''[Scissors queasily pukes in the toilet due to a bad pain in his stomach]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Ugh, I'm gonna look like a fool! Paper makes me so mad I could just flip this… ''[tries to flip over the weight bench]'' well, maybe not the weight bench, but these tinier weights! ''[tries to flip them]'' Or at least this weight bench instruction manual! ''[tries to flip the manual; groans]'' How is this possible?! ''[later sits on the floor, watching "Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success" while eating an entire chocolate cake and feeling horrible about himself… as usual]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[to Paper]'' Hey, can we talk for a second? ''[looks at the camera]'' Uh, off camera? ''[cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them]'' Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary. :'''Paper''': ''[sighs]'' Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… ''[turns to the camera]'' because I needed it for this movie! ''[laughs and leaves]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]'' :'''Rock''': There were hamsters in there? :'''Paper''': ''[to Scissors]'' How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds! :'''Scissors & Rock''': ''[both gasp; simultaneously]'' I completed my New Year's resolution! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': Let's sharpen our pens! ''[sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]'' :'''Rock''': Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen ''my'' pen! ''[does the same thing like Scissors did]'' :''[Words appear reading: '''"Don't try this at home. Obviously."''']'' :'''Paper''': ''[annoyed while he facepalms]'' Doofuses. ''[suddenly gets an idea]'' Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know! <hr width="50%"> :'''News Reporter''': This just in, multiple business owners are sad today, as they've had to close from all the free things they've given away to satisfy customer complaints. And as we all know, the only people who write complaints are whiny little poops. Here's a sketch of what such poops may or may not look like. :''[A drawing sketch of Rock and Scissors is shown]'' :'''Rock''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no, we're hurting people! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[attempting to return all the free stuff]'' I'm giving it back! :'''Scissors''': ''[trying to stop him]'' You're not giving it back! :'''Paper''': ''[barges into the apartment]'' Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… ''[looks around at all the free stuff]'' have no idea what this is. :'''Rock''': Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. ''[A pink flamingo walks past them]'' I don't even know what we complained about to get that. :'''Paper''': Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's ''bad,'' because people who complain are automatically viewed as right. :'''Scissors''': See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified. :'''Rock''': Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island? <hr width="50%"> :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': Thanks for coming into the Nickelodeon offices today, Scissors. We brought you in because we received a complaint letter from, well, him. :''[Rock sits next to her and crosses his arms while glaring at Scissors, revealing he's the one who wrote the letter]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Oh, you whiny little poop. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[reading the letter] '''"Dear Nickelodeon… In your program, "Rock Paper Scissors", Scissors' behavior has been morally reprehensible."''''' :'''Scissors''': Everyone's ''so'' sensitive. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[continues reading] '''"He rarely learns lessons, and, when given the opportunity to grow, continues with awful behavior."''''' :'''Scissors''': Yeah, that's what makes me fun. :'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[finishes reading] '''"This is not a character who should be exposed to our children. Please do something immediately."''''' I'm sorry, but we're suspending you from the show for two weeks. :'''Scissors''': WHAT?! (Two weeks?!) Who are you even gonna get to replace me? :''[The show's intro plays with Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel as Scissors' temporary replacement and the show's title being changed to "Rock Paper Nutso"]'' :'''Nutso''': This show's about to get Nutso! ===''National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[stretching himself]'' Alright, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! ''[exits the apartment building, and is surprised to see the whole town celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]'' :'''Rock''': Happy International Rock Day! :'''Paper''': International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday. :'''Rock''': Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors. :'''Scissors''': ''[leading a marching band]'' Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': (Hello?) Is this the Committee of National Holidays? :'''Rock''': ''[turning around in his chair, revealing himself]'' You bet it is! :'''Paper''': ''[suprised]'' Rock?! ''You're'' on the committee?! :'''Rock''': Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day. :'''Raspberry Cake''': I'm cake. :'''Paper''': ''[disbelieved]'' Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please. :''[The representatives all laugh]'' :'''Rock''': Paper, we don't just ''give'' out days. :'''Pencil''': Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one. :'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here. :'''Pencil''': Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears. <hr width="50%"> :'''Potato''': That presentation was ''terrible.'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying a bunch of groceries]'' :'''Paper''': Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries? :'''Scissors''': ''[sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich]'' I would, but my hands are full. :'''Rock''': Well, just put it down. :'''Scissors''': ''[now holding a lamp]'' Now I have another thing. :'''Paper''': Scissors! :''[Scissors whistles while holding a sandwich, a lamp, and three bowling balls]'' :'''Rock''': Scissors, come on! Can you just help us ''one'' time? <hr width="50%"> :'''Nice Scissors''': Excuse me. Could I talk to you about helping? :'''Traffic Cop Scissors''': Can't you see I'm busy directing traffic? ''[makes the cars crash into each other and laughs evilly]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[A memory footage shows Young Scissors running down the school hallway, and accidentally rips his pants while crouching down to pick up a piece of paper, showing his underwear and butt crack]'' :'''Young Scissors''': Oh, no! I ripped my pants at school! ''[gets attacked by a Pterodactyl that swooped in]'' :'''Nice Scissors''': That was a bad day. ===''The Family Business / Glitter Bomb [1.18]''=== :'''Rock''': ''[covered in glitter after singing a tune while getting mail]'' What just happened? :'''Scissors''': I think someone sent you a glitter bomb. :'''Rock''': ''[getting angry]'' Do you know how difficult it is to remove glitter? Who would do this to me? ''[sadly]'' Who would do this to me?! ''[furiously]'' WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?! ''[After Rock catches Paper with a fishing pole]'' '''Paper''': No! Please! Please! '''Rock''': ''[holds up tape]'' It's folding time. '''Paper''': Forgive me! Forgive me! No! '''Rock''': ''[reveals the words on the tape saying "Gotcha"] [happy]'' Gotcha! '''Paper''': What? '''Scissors''': ''[runs up to him]'' Gotcha! Oh, man. We got you so good! '''Paper''': What the heck is going on? '''Rock''': We knew you did the glitter bomb the whole time. '''Scissors''': So we thought it'd be funny if Rock pretended to be ''enraged'' by it and go on a crazy manhunt to scare you. '''Paper''': What?! '''Scissors''': Yeah, all of us were in on it. The mailman, Chad BrockChad, all the prisoners. '''Rock''': ''[giggles]'' Pretty funny, huh, Paper? '''Paper''': Are you insane? This isn't funny at all! I thought my life was in danger! '''Scissors''': It's just a joke. '''Paper''': I've been living Alaska for eight months! I bought a house here! I- ''[stammers]'' Look. I should have never tried to be funny, but you two shouldn't have either, so no more jokes. Okay? From now on, let's just all agree that none of us are funny. '''Rock''': Yeah. I guess none of us are funny. '''Scissors''': Not a one of us. ''[the trio sadly stare one by one at the viewer]'' ===''Diapers / R.O.V.E.R. [1.19]''=== :'''Paper''': Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful. :'''Scissors''': Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation. :'''Paper''': You don't ''have'' a cool reputation. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[after throwing all the diapers into the ocean as they start absorbing]'' Oh, no! I forgot how absorbent they are! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure. :'''Scissors''': ''[sobbing]'' AND MINE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS! :'''Rock''': Yeah, we heard about that. ''[outside the apartment building, a giant diaper rolls down the street, passing by]'' It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along. :'''Scissors''': How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! ''[Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's signifying it]'' It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks cold, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… ''[Rock and Paper both sulk]'' Or Rock's. ===''Trash [1.20]''=== :'''Paper''': ''[sniffs an unpleasant smell]'' What is that smell? :'''Scissors''': ''[looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around]'' I think it's Rock. :'''Paper''': Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash? :'''Scissors''': ''[waving his hand; dismissively]'' Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it. :'''Paper''': No, do it now. :'''Scissors''': I'll do it really soon. <hr width="50%"> :'''Dian''': I'm at my breaking point, Chris. We've dealt with too much noise and agony from all these wacky Rock Paper Scissors shenanigans. ''[flashback shows multiple episodes from the past]'' The rhino stomping around when Putty was there, the meltwater dripping through when their place turned into the Arctic, last Christmas, they were 10 different ghosts, and at one point, Scissors farted into a microphone and blew out all the windows in the building. What's it going to take for us to go up there and say something? ==Season 2== ===''Franz Roll and the Lost Rainbow Pants of Atraxes the Apple Bottomed [2.01]''=== ===''Paper and Pencil Tell a Joke / Scissors' Orchestra [2.02]''=== Pencil: Paper! PAPER! I got it! Paper: Pencil, are you okay? Pencil: (snoring loudly) ===''Shoot / Rock's First Day of Work [2.03]''=== ===''Paper Attends an Elite Institution / The New Landlord [2.04]''=== :'''Scissors''': You wanna go home? :'''Paper''': Why? Because you think I can't ''handle'' 3rd grade? :'''Scissors''': No, because I do not care about this. :'''Paper''': Oh, yeah, you think I'm too stupid that I can't get ''one'' "A"? :'''Scissors''': Listen. I know I usually antagonize you in situations like this, but I'm really not invested here. Rock and I are apartment-sitting for Pencil this week, and we're gonna play with all her cool gadgets, which seems like way more fun than this… frankly sad 3rd grade development. So, do whatever you want, but again, I could not care less. :'''Paper''': Well, ''I'll'' show you, Scissors! I ''will'' get an "A", an "A-plus", with a good job sticker on top! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': ''[holding up one of Pencil's gadgets]'' Scissors, look! Pencil has a shapeshifter! ''[activates it, turning him and Scissors into snowmen]'' :'''Rock & Scissors''': Whoa! ''[they then turn into [[w:Minecraft|Minecraft]] style]'' Whoa! :'''Paper''': Well, I bet you're ''loving'' this, Scissors! Old doofus Paper failing 3rd grade! :''[Rock and Scissors have turned into an apple and a banana]'' :'''Scissors''': Again, I do not care. :'''Paper''': And now I have a group project due at the end of the week on genetic engineering and no one will want to work with me 'cause I'm the least intelligent kid in the class! :''[Rock and Scissors have then turned into frogs]'' :'''Scissors''': Paper, we've turned ourselves into frogs. We're looking for flies. :'''Paper''': Could we just acknowledge this?! This is insane! I mean, Rock, do ''you'' know quantum mechanics? :'''Rock''': Of course! I learned it in the 3rd grade. <hr width="50%"> :'''Catalina''': I'll be back, Scissors! And next time, I'll take you down! :'''Scissors''': Not if I take you down first. :'''Catalina''': How could you?! You have the brain of an ant! :'''Scissors''': And you have the face of the dead! :'''Catalina''': I hate you so much! :'''Scissors''': I HATE YOU MORE! :''[They slowly start to kiss, but snap out of it and look away from each other, awkwardly]'' :'''Catalina''': Anyway, you're the worst. :'''Scissors''': Yeah, uh… same to you. :'''Rock''': What is happening with them?! ===''The Origami Robot / Scissors Sees An Inspirational Sports Movie [2.05]''=== :''[The trio's apartment is being decorated for the holidays and Paper and Pencil are decorating the Christmas tree together]'' :'''Paper''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' I love the holidays. It really is the best time of year. :'''Pencil''': Yeah. You get to relax, have some quiet time, and… :'''Rock''': ''[barging in with Scissors clutching his stomach in pain]'' SCISSORS ATE A PINECONE! :'''Pencil''': What?! Why?! :'''Scissors''': Rock dared me to! :'''Rock''': No, I said, "Don't do that!" :'''Scissors''': Which I took as a dare! <hr width="50%"> :'''Rock''': I'm with Paper. This really is the best time of year. :'''Paper''': It is. And I'm glad everything worked out. :'''Pencil''': Although I do feel bad the robot didn't remove the pinecone. :''[Zoom out to reveal Scissors laying flat on the floor with the pine tree growing out of his buttocks, which Paper and Pencil were decorating]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' Not as bad as I do. <hr width="50%"> :''[Scissors is watching an inspirational sports movie when Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying groceries]'' :'''Paper''': Oh, shoot! He's watching an inspirational sports movie! :'''Rock''': Every time he sees one of those, he thinks ''he'' can do that stuff! :'''Paper''': Turn it off! TURN IT OFF! :'''Rock''': ''[searching everywhere for the remote]'' I can't! Where's the remote?! :'''Crowd''': ''[chanting on TV]'' Scrudy! Scrudy! :'''Paper''': I DON'T KNOW! JUST RIP THE CORD OUT OF THE WALL! :'''Rock''': Which one?! THERE ARE SO MANY CORDS! ===''The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06]''=== :''[Paper and Scissors are watching Rock playing a [[w:The Sims (video game)|Sims]] parody video game, until they hear the Rat Bros laughing and cheering from above the fourth floor]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Are the Rat Bros having another party? :'''Rock''': They are such jerks! :'''Paper''': Let's go up there and tell them to start being respectable members of society. :'''Scissors''': Okay, but just don't get on your high horse again. :''[Cut to them standing outside the Rat Bros' apartment while Paper rides on his high horse; Scissors knocks on the door]'' :'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' 'Sup, bros? Oh, are we tutoring too loud? :'''Paper''': Tutoring? :'''Logan''': Yeah. We tutor underprivileged kids all the time. ''[shows his brothers tutoring four children]'' Ruby, tell 'em the thesis of your report. :'''Ruby''': In a juxtaposition of the sublime and the banal, the artist's oeuvre deftly encapsulates the ephemeral nature of human experience. :''[Derf blares a party air horn; the trio are baffled by what they just saw and are back in their apartment…]'' :'''Scissors''': What the heck was that?! :'''Rock''': The Rat Bros aren't supposed to be better than us! They're supposed to be one-dimensional bad guys! :'''Paper''': Yeah! I refuse to live in a world where the Rat Bros are morally superior. Because then we can't judge them! And that's how I feel good about myself! :'''Scissors''': Paper, get off the horse. :'''Paper''': I can't, I need a step stool! :''[Meanwhile, in the Rat Bros' apartment…]'' :'''Logan''': ''[laughing]'' Did you see how upset they were? :'''Brogan''': Our altruistic plan is totally working! :'''Derf''': We are such jerks! :'''Rat Bros''': ''[chest bumping]'' Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! :'''Brody''': ''[confused]'' But wait… are we jerks? Tutoring these kids is really nice. Bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. :'''Logan''': Brody, don't be ridiculous. We're only doing good things to make Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel bad about themselves, which is a jerk thing to do. And remember, the two rules of being a Rat Bro: If a bro asks you to spot 'em, you gotta spot 'em. And what's number two, kids? :'''Kids''': Rat Bros are jerks because jerks are cool. :'''Logan''': And you wanna be cool, right, Brody? :'''Brody''': Of course. That's my one and only thought. :''[Zoom into his head and brain]'' :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. :'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Shower? :'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. <hr width="50%"> :''[Rat Bros' apartment; Logan is reading an article about the trio being the best guys in town and receiving all the praise]'' :'''Logan''': ''[outraged]'' Ugh! This makes me so mad! Why do we still pay for the newspaper?! ''[throws the newspaper on the ground and marches over to the weight bench]'' Brogan, spot me. I'm doing an angry set! We cannot let Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel good about themselves. We have to beat them! :'''Brody''': Wait, Logan. Are you saying… :'''Logan''': Yes, Brody. It's time for an altruistic-off! :'''Ruby''': Altruistic-off: A competition in which people or groups try to win by doing the most good for society. :'''Logan''': Uh, Ruby, you can go home. Okay. Derf, go save the whales. Brogan and I will eliminate political corruption. And Brody? Get a PhD in robotic engineering to give people without limbs the best in robotic prostheses. :'''Derf''': But, Logan, I already have a PhD in robotic engineering. :'''Logan''': Too late. I already gave out the assignments. :''[Another article shows the Rat Bros being #1 good guys and receiving more praise]'' :'''Rock''': ''[reading the article; infuriated]'' This is terrible! Newspapers are so important, and no one cares anymore! ''[throws the newspaper in anger]'' :'''Scissors''': What's the point of cleaning all this garbage off the street if we're losing?! ''[pushes the huge garbage bag out the window, and it splatters on the street, covering some people in garbage]'' :'''Paper''': We have to beat the Rat Bros, otherwise, I won't be able to judge them on my high horse! And how am I supposed to feel good about myself then, by winning horse races? ''[the horse shakes its head no]'' See? He's not into it! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Feast your eyes, Rat Bros! I have created a device that will solve the global housing crisis by spitting out a fully-built house in just ''five'' seconds! :'''Scissors''': We're gonna officially unveil it tomorrow at the Nobel Prize ceremony and beat you once and for all! :'''Rock''': Build houses! That's what we should do! :'''Paper''': See? He got there. ''[he and his friends leave with their invention]'' :'''Logan''': ''[frustrated]'' D'oh! I can't believe they're gonna beat us! They are such… good guys. :'''Brody''': Actually, I think we'll still win. :'''Logan''': What do you mean? :'''Brody''': I saw a flaw in the device's engine. If they try to use that thing, it'll explode. :'''Derf''': Yes! :'''Brogan''': Sweet! :'''Logan''': All right! :'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! :'''Brody''': ''[quietly as Logan and Brogan walk away]'' Nice, bro. :'''Derf''': ''[noticing Brody's timidity; concerned]'' Hey, are you okay? :'''Brody''': Yeah, I'm cool. ''[chuckles awkwardly]'' Cool. I'm cool! Ha-ha. Cool guy. Super cool Brody. Listen, can I tell you something? You remember how I got my PhD from Princeton, right? :'''Derf''': Yeah, in two days. Very impressive. :'''Brody''': Well, I got a job at a hospital working in robotic prosthetics. ''[Flashback begins with him putting some robotic arms on his patient: Mr. Drake]'' All right, Mr. Drake. Test them out. :'''Mr. Drake''': ''[grips his robotic arms, controlling them; surprised]'' Oh my gosh. I-I can wave! I can point! I can… ''[uses them to scratch an itch on his behind]'' Oooh, I've been waiting to scratch that for 25 years! :'''Brody''': ''[voice-over]'' But then, something weird happened. :'''Mr. Drake''': Could I… hug you? It would be the first hug I've ever given. :'''Brody''': ''[unsure]'' Um… I don't really-- :'''Mr. Drake''': ''[hugging him; sobbing happily]'' Thank you, Brody. You changed my life! :'''Brody''': ''[hugs him in return with his eyes tearing up; voice-over]'' It felt amazing! And for the first time, I had a new thought. :''[Zoom into his head and brain]'' :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. :'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Be good. :'''Brody's Neurons''': Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. :'''Brody's Neuron #2''': We really should shower, though. :'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! :''[Back to the present]'' :'''Brody''': I think… I think I might be a good guy. :'''Derf''': ''[gasps in dramatic shock; then devastated]'' No. Brody, no. A-are you sure? :'''Brody''': This morning, I wrote a big check to a food bank! :'''Derf''': But you know the rules… jerks are cool. Good guys are… I don't even know! :'''Brody''': Derf, I get it. But I'm thinking about that machine and… it just feels wrong to do nothing. Those homes would help so many people. :'''Derf''': Look, I know it's tough, but sometimes you gotta make hard choices in life. Do you want to foster the well-being of millions… or be cool? ''[starts to walk away]'' :'''Brody''': Hey, Derf… when you were saving the whales, were you thinking about beating Rock, Paper, and Scissors, or about how good it felt to save those whales? :'''Derf''': ''[thinking for a second]'' Get some rest, bro. ''[resumes walking away]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Next day at the Nobel Prize ceremony… while the trio are preparing to present their house-building invention, Brody sneaks into backstage to fix it, and finds that Logan was already there, feeling deeply betrayed by finding out about his "being good" conversation with Derf]'' :'''Brody''': ''[surprised]'' Logan! :'''Logan''': ''[disappointed]'' I knew I'd find you here. Your "nice, bro" chest bump yesterday was lackluster at best. I gotta say, I feel betrayed… like Edmond Dantès in ''The Count of Monte Cristo.'' :'''Brody''': That's a very literate reference. :'''Logan''': Ah, we covered a lot in tutoring. :'''Brody''': I'm sorry, but I can't let that device explode. :'''Logan''': Spot me. :'''Brody''': ''[having to have heard that; shocked]'' What? Here?! :'''Logan''': I wanna do a set. ''[Brody obeys and sets down the pliers]'' Why are you doing this, Brody?! :'''Brody''': The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of. :'''Logan''': Is that Blaise Pascal? :'''Brody''': We covered a lot in tutoring. <hr width="50%"> :'''Logan''': ''[to Brody; irked]'' You said it wouldn't work! Ugh, whatever. We'll find another way to get Rock, Paper, and Scissors. ''[walks off]'' :'''Brody''': ''[turns to the invention; puzzled]'' But how did it not explode? :'''Derf''': ''[off-screen]'' I guess we'll never know. :'''Brody''': ''[turns to him holding the pliers, revealing '''he's''' the one who fixed it; surprised]'' Derf?! :'''Derf''': ''[hands Brody back the pliers]'' Maybe being a good guy is cool too. ''[walks off into the sunset as Brody smiles touchingly, realizing that their conversation changed his mind]'' :'''Paper''': ''[with his foot stuck in the saddle's stirrup]'' HELP! I'm stuck in the stirrup! <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': Scissors, I don't know if you know this, but we're big Lolly fans. :'''Rock''': Yeah, we're in the Lolly Army. ''[he and Paper put on Lolly ponytails]'' :'''Paper''': How did you get a date with her? :'''Scissors''': I just asked. See, most men are afraid of rejection, but not me. I'm used to rejection. <hr width="50%"> :'''Paper''': First of all, every track is a banger. :'''Rock''': Also, this Scissors guy sounds like a jerk. :'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Rock! <hr width="50%"> :''[Lolly writes an album about Scissors after their disastrous date when he accidentally spilled his spaghetti noodles on her dress, making him become the most hated person on Earth]'' :'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the TV after watching the news]'' This is terrible! I gotta go down to Convenient News and tell everyone I'm not a bad guy! ''[walks down the street, passing a crowd, angrily booing at him]'' I know, I know, but I'll explain everything on TV! :'''Driver''': This is for Lolly! ''[splashes water on him]'' :'''Driver #2''': This is also for Lolly! ''[splashes more water on him]'' :'''Driver #3''': ''[throws out a bucket of snakes]'' EAT SNAKES, JERK! <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[returns to the apartment; bummed]'' Of all the bad days in my life, that probably broke the top 50. ''[sees his friends dancing to Lolly's album]'' :'''Paper''': By the way, I'd also recommend not going online. :'''Rock''': We wrote some really nasty stuff. :'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the music]'' Guys, this is serious! I can't even leave the house! I gotta get everyone to stop hating me. :'''Rock''': I don't know how you could do that. :'''Paper''': Yeah, Lolly's the victim here. :'''Scissors''': ''[as an idea pops into his head]'' That's it! ''That's'' how you win over the public sympathy! I just need to out-victim Lolly. <hr width="50%"> :'''Scissors''': ''[apologizing to everyone after hearing the song]'' I just heard the song for the first time, and I understand why you and Lolly are upset (with me). I was so consumed by my desire to be loved that I didn't see I was taking advantage of her fame. It was selfish and immature, and I never want to hurt anyone like that again. I'm truly, truly sorry. Will you accept my apology? :''[After a brief moment…]'' :'''Everyone''': NO! <hr width="50%"> :'''Lolly''': This is ''way'' out of hand! Sure, Scissors messed up, but he doesn't deserve ''this.'' And frankly, you guys are so intense sometimes it scares me. I mean, is that a mythological war hammer?! ''[Paper is shown to be holding and electrical war hammer and he and Rock sadly hang their heads down]'' So please, take it down a notch. And you don't need to do things like this for me. I'm not a god. ''[stops the meteor from hitting the Earth; voice booming] '''NO!''''' :'''Meteor''': Whatever you say, Lolly! Love the new album! ''[flies away into space]'' :''[Everyone leaves, saying sorry]'' :'''Paper''': Sorry, Lolly. :'''Lolly''': I heard your apology. I'm glad you learned your lesson. And I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have written 16-full length songs about why you were terrible. :'''Scissors''': Sixteen? I thought you only wrote ten. :'''Lolly''': No, I only released ten. I might release the other six as bonus tracks. ''[Everyone comes back, screaming excitedly]'' But I might not! :'''Everyone''': ''[disappointed]'' Aww! ''[walk away]'' :'''Lolly''': Hey, all this aside, I did still have fun with you. So maybe we could go on a second date. What do you think? :'''Scissors''': ''[thinking about it for a moment]'' Hard pass. :'''Lolly''': What? :'''Scissors''': Do you have any idea how awful you made my life? I was the most hated man on Earth. The nation of Japan publicly denounced me. And I was almost torn apart by 2,000 psychopaths in bows. So, yes, I '''''did''''' learn a lesson, but it was to never, ever date pop stars. Hard pass. ''[walks away]'' :'''Lolly''': That wasn't very nice. I should write an album about that. ===''Paper Takes the Phones / The Bedtime Story [2.07]''=== :''[Paper takes away Rock and Scissors' cellphones for confiscation, forcing them to spend quality with him in putting together a puzzle]'' :'''Rock''': Hey! :'''Scissors''': Give it back! :'''Paper''': You know, I just want us all to connect, but you're always on your phones. :'''Scissors''': Name one comedic example. ===''Scissors is a Good Boy / Paper's Family Get-Together [2.08]''=== :'''Franz''': Wait. Who is that? ''[points to Scissors, mistaking him for a dog]'' Look at you! You are such a good boy! :'''Scissors''': ''[baffled]'' Does he think I'm a dog? :'''Franz''': ''[throws a ball]'' Fetch! :'''Scissors''': I mean, I'm gonna get the ball. It's a cool ball. :'''Franz''': ''[turns to Rock]'' Rock, your dog is amazing! :'''Rock''': Uh, that's not my dog. :'''Franz''': So it's a stray? I must have it! ''[to Scissors]'' How'd you like to come live with your new doggie daddy? :'''Scissors''': Dude, I'm '''''not''''' a dog. <hr width="50%"> :'''Parchment Paper''': Paper? What's going on? And why are your friends here? :'''Scissors''': We kidnapped Paper too? :'''Rock''': Because we have beef and… Uh… Come back to me. :'''Paper''': What's going on is I don't want to go back to that table! You don't know how humiliating it is to hear about all the incredible things you do every year because I never do any myself. ''[to Sandpaper]'' You're working on big action movies, ''[to his mother]'' you're breaking national news, and I'm just Plain Paper. That's why I staged this kidnapping. Rock, Scissors, and I were fighting Dr. Big Bat over a giant strawberry we grew for the county fair, and we thought he'd make a good kidnapper. But then you got through all the bats, so I had to call a bunch of people I met over the past year. Like the ghosts we befriended when we tried to get the perfect holiday picture, the tortoises I accidentally made huge from toxic ooze and taught martial arts in the sewer, and the Hipponoids from the time I stopped their invasion and saved Earth. :'''Newspaper''': Hold on. You did all that in the last year? :'''Paper''': ''[sadly]'' Yeah, I go on a lot of silly adventures. :'''Sandpaper''': Paper, that's not silly at all. :'''Paper''': It's not? :'''Parchment Paper''': Are you kidding? Who goes on adventures like that? :'''Toilet Paper''': Yeah, that's… That's incredible! :'''Rock''': Ah, that's why I should've said. ===''Moonami 12 / Spider Court [2.09]''=== ===''Scissors, the Supervillain / Car Wash Nationals [2.10]''=== ==Season 3== ===''The Watching / Nightmares [3.01]''=== ===''Emotional Support Convertible / The Baseball [3.02]''=== ===''Rock's Half Birthday / Cherry Picking [3.03]''=== ===''The Wish / Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Paper, Scissors [3.04]''=== ===''Salmon Delivery for Ya / The Train Problem [3.05]''=== ===''Hardcore / Scissors' New Therapist [3.06]''=== ===''The Henry Winkler Episode / Paper Loves Potato [3.07]''=== ===''The Secret / Sandpaper's Workout Program [3.08]''=== ===''Paper: Renowned Researcher / Meatball [3.09]''=== ===''The Apology Soirée / Scissors' Perfect Match [3.10]''=== ==Cast== *[[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] – Scissors *[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]] – Rock *[[w:Thomas Lennon|Thomas Lennon]] – Paper *[[w:Melissa Villaseñor|Melissa Villaseñor]] – Pencil *[[w:Ray Chase (voice actor)|Ray Chase]] – The Rat Bros; Logan, Brody, Brogan / Baron Von Snootsberg *[[w:Max Mittelman|Max Mittelman]] – Derf the Rat Bro / Shoot *[[w:Eddie Pepitone|Eddie Pepitone]] – Lou Zer *[[w:Lauren Ash|Lauren Ash]] – Sandpaper / Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel *[[w:Betsy Sodaro|Betsy Sodaro]] – Potato *[[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] – The Susan *[[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] – Chad Brockchad *[[w:JP Karliak|JP Karliak]] – Convenient News Reporter *[[w:Abby Trott|Abby Trott]] – Robot Executive *Marlene Martinez – Astonishing Catalina *[[w:Alessia Cara|Alessia Cara]] – Lolly *[[w:Flula Borg|Flula Borg]] – Franz Roll *[[w:Mallory Jansen|Mallory Jansen]] – Cate Blanket *[[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] – Dr. Big Bat *Vanessa Marshall – Newspaper *[[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] – Parchment Paper *Jay Pharaoh – Toilet Paper [[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Current shows]] [[Category:Nicktoons]] [[Category:Nickelodeon shows]] 6szd1yj9xj3i7wpzy66phs8xvds7m73 0 275386 3949168 3948433 2026-06-05T12:38:26Z DemonDrake 3100809 /* Shook Ones, Pt. II [1.04] */ 3949168 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Season''' [[Euphoria (American TV series)/Season 1|1]] [[Euphoria (American TV series)/Specials|Specials]] [[Euphoria (American TV series)/Season 2|2]] [[Euphoria (American TV series)|'''Main''']] ---- '''''[[w:Euphoria (American TV series)|Euphoria]]''''' (2019–present) is an American [[w:teen drama|teen drama]] television series on [[w:HBO|HBO]], created by [[w:Sam Levinson|Sam Levinson]] starring [[Zendaya]]. [[File:Euphoria promotional logo.svg|thumb|Every time I feel good, I think it'll last forever, but it doesn't.]] === ''Pilot'' [1.01] === :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' I was once happy, content, sloshing around in my own private, primordial pool. Then one day, for reasons beyond my control, [[w:contractions|I was repeatedly crushed over and over by the cruel cervix of my mother]], Leslie. I put up a good fight, but I lost, for the first time, but not the last. I was born three days [[w:9/11 attacks|after 9/11]]. My mother and father spent two days in the hospital, holding me under the soft glow of the television, watching those towers fall over and over again, until the feelings of grief gave way to numbness. And then, without warning, a middle-class childhood in an American suburb. :... :'''Psychotherapist''': ''[to Rue's parents]'' I'd say she's suffering from [[w:obsessive compulsive disorder|obsessive compulsive disorder]]... :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' It's not like I was physically abused attention deficit disorder or had a shortage of clean water general anxiety disorder or was molested by a family member. :'''Psychotherapist''': ...and possibly [[w:bipolar disorder|bipolar disorder]]. But she's a little young to tell. :... :'''Rue''': So, explain this shit to me. :'''Leslie''': Honey, it's just the way your brain was hardwired. Plenty of great, intelligent, funny, interesting, and creative people have struggled with the same things you struggle with. :'''Rue''': Like who? :'''Leslie''': Uh... ''[sighs]'' [[w:Vincent Van Gogh|Vincent Van Gogh]]. [[w:Sylvia Plath|Sylvia Plath]]. And your favorite: [[w:Britney Spears|Britney Spears]]. :... :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' Until every second of every day, you find yourself trying to outrun your anxiety. :... :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' And at some point, you make a choice about who you are and what you want. :... :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' I just showed up one day, without a map or a compass. Or to be honest, anyone capable of giving on iota of good fucking advice. I'm livin' for the thrill formula And I know it all may seem sad, but guess what? I didn't build this system, nor did I fuck it up. And then it happens. That moment when your breath starts to slow. And every time you breathe, you breathe out all the oxygen you have. And everything stops: Your heart, your lungs, then finally, your brain. And everything you feel, and wish, and wanna forget, it all just sinks. And then suddenly you give it air again, give it life again. I remember the first time it happened to me, I got so scared I wanted to call 911. Go to the hospital and be kept alive by machines and apple juice. But I didn't wanna look like an idiot, and I didn't wanna fuck up everyone's night. And then over time, it's all I wanted. Those two seconds of nothingness. I spent a good portion of the summer before junior year in rehab. :... :'''Rehab Girls''': God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. <hr width='50%'> :'''Fezco''': ''[to Rue about Jules]'' There's some new girl in town that I think you gonna be friends with. :'''Rue''': Who? :'''Fezco''': Shit, I don’t know. She came in yesterday lookin' all [[w:Sailor Moon|Sailor Moon]] and shit. I'm thinkin' to myself, like, "Looks like somebody Rue would get along with." :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' Which was sort of like a dead-on observation for Fezco, who's not normally revolving in the same direction as planet Earth. :'''Fezco''': So, how long you been back? :'''Rue''': Five days. :'''Fezco''': And, like, how are you feelin'? :'''Rue''': I mean, ever since I gave my life over to my lord and savior Jesus Christ, things have been, like, really good. :'''Fezco''': Word? That's what's up. :'''Rue''': Yeah, I'm fucking with you. It was a joke. :'''Fezco''': Shit. Hey, I don't judge. :'''Rue''': But low-key, is Ashtray in the back? :'''Fezco''': Are you serious? :'''Rue''': What, you think 'cause I went to rehab, I stayed clean? :'''Fezco''': I mean, ain't that the point? :'''Rue''': Yeah, well, the world's coming to an end, and I haven't even graduated high school yet. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' I know a lot of you probably hate me right now, and I get it. If I could be a different person, I promise you, I would. Not because I want it, but because they do. And therein lies the catch. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cal''': How old are you? :'''Jules''': Twenty-two. ''[Cal offers her a drink]'' Thanks. :'''Cal''': Do you live in town? :'''Jules''': No. I'm just, visiting my grandparents. :'''Cal''': Hmm. :'''Jules''': What about you? :'''Cal''': Do you walk around like this? :'''Jules''': What do you mean? :'''Cal''': Well, this is how you look generally? :'''Jules''': I mean... Yeah. :'''Cal''': You're beautiful. :'''Jules''': Thank you. :'''Cal''': I'm envious of your generation, you know. You guys don't care as much about the rules. You know, I think that's a good thing. And I don't wanna be that old guy that gives you advice, but I look at you and I think there are... two versions of how your life can go. You can either go someplace, where you're wanted for who you are... or you can stay in a town like this. End up like me. Living your life out in motel rooms. Selfishly... I hope you stay. <hr width='50%'> :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' I was out back talking to Fezco when Jules arrived. :'''Fezco''': What the fuck, Rue? :'''Rue''': What? What, what, what, what? :'''Fezco''': Come on now, bruh. You owe me 120 bucks. :'''Rue''': My bad, man. I forgot. :'''Fezco''': Shit, you know I ain't trippin'. Well, to be honest with you, your whole drug shit got me feelin' kinda uneasy. :'''Rue''': Come on, don't go soft on me, Fez. :'''Fezco''': No, I'm not. It's just that... I like you. And I missed you, bruh. Like... That shit at the beginning of summer had me scared as fuck. :'''Rue''': Yeah, you and everybody else. :'''Fezco''': I'm serious, Rue. I've seen a lot of people die. None like you. Now, I don't know what type of fucked-up shit you got goin' inside your head. I don't know how to help, but I could tell you one thing: This drug shit, it's not the answer. :'''Rue''': You know, I remember when I was eleven years old... It was a couple months after my dad got diagnosed, and we got the results back from the prognosis. And it was really good. It was like, 80/20. And we decided to celebrate, so... we, like, ordered a bunch of Chinese food. I remember that night, I was laying between my parents in bed, and... all of a sudden, I couldn't breathe. It was like there was no more air left in the world. And I was gasping, and I was panicking. And they called the ambulance and they thought it was like... an allergic reaction or some shit. And then, when I got to the hospital, they gave me liquid Valium. Yeah. To calm me down. And when it hit me, I thought... "This is it. This is the feeling I have been searching for my entire life, for as long as I could remember." Because suddenly... ''[beat]'' the world went quiet. And I felt safe, in my own head. Two years later, he was gone. Panic attacks stayed. And I found a way to live, so... Will it eventually kill me? Maybe. Fuck, maybe not. I don't know. You still gonna be my dealer, Fez? :'''Fezco''': You a fuckin' trip, bruh. I'm too high to be havin' this conversation right now. :'''Rue''': Yeah, man. Me, too. Me fucking too. === ''Stuntin' Like My Daddy'' [1.02] === :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' When Nate Jacobs was eleven years old, he found his dad's porn collection. His dad, Cal, was obsessive. His mom always said that's who he got it from. Then he quickly realized that the colored cases and placement were no accident. It was an elaborate code, that no one fucked with his shit. Every video was basically the same. They'd drink, make small talk... and then his dad would fuck the shit out of some... :'''Cal''': Fucking whore. Fucking slut. :''...'' :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' He made a long mental checklist of the things he liked and disliked about women. He liked tennis skirts and jean cut-offs, but not the kind so short you could see the pockets. He liked ballet flats and heels. He hated sneakers and dress shoes... but was fine with sandals as long as they were worn with a fresh pedicure. He liked thigh gaps, hated cankles. He liked tan lines, long necks, slender shoulders. He liked good posture and fruit-scented body mist. He liked full lips, and small noses. He liked chokers, but the lacy ones with flower cutouts or delicate patterns. He hated girls who sat like boys, talked like boys, acted like boys. But there was nothing on planet Earth he hated more than body hair. That's one of the first things he noticed about Maddy. She was basically hairless. He'd walk her home from school every day. Made him feel good to know that he was there to protect her. He knew the world was full of men who wanted to hurt Maddy. Men who hang out the windows of their cars and scream obscenities at her. College guys who wouldn't think twice about drugging her. Lonely guys who'd spot her at a mall. Men who'd rape her, torture her, sell her into sexual slavery. He didn't even like to think about it. He did, however, like to think about the things he'd do to protect her. :'''Nate''': If anyone ever tried to hurt you, I'd kill them. :'''Maddy''': You're, like, the sweetest guy ever. :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' He also liked that Maddy was a virgin, that no guy had ever put his penis in her. :'''Nate''': You're a virgin? :'''Maddy''': Yeah. :'''Nate''': Like, fully? :'''Maddy''': Yeah. :'''Nate''': What about like... Have you ever been fingered? :'''Maddy''': Only my own. <hr width='50%'> :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' It was the first day of school, and my heart was racing. I made a new best friend and for the first time since getting out of rehab, I was feeling good about the world. <hr width='50%'> :'''Lexi''': You're being fucking rude. :'''Rue''': Fuck. :'''Lexi''': Rue, it's me. Are you okay? :'''Rue''': You are so fucking stupid, Lexi. :'''Lexi''': Why? :'''Rue''': 'Cause I already flushed everything down the fucking toilet. :'''Lexi''': Well, I just came to check on you. :'''Rue''': I don't want–I don't want you to fucking check on me, whether I'm fine or I'm not fine. What difference are you gonna make? Are-are you gonna give me a life advice? You gonna fucking help me? :'''Lexi''': Well, you're one of my best friends. :'''Rue''': Give me a fucking break. 'Cause we went to fucking pre-school together? That does not make us best fucking friends. :'''Lexi''': You say all this, but what happens in three days when you knock on my door asking me to piss in some Tylenol bottle? What, you're gonna say the opposite? How we've known each other since pre-school and we're best friends? It's like you have a split personality disorder. Sorry if I miss the old you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' I used to take care of my dad after school because my mom had to take a second job to cover the medical bills. A state-issued nurse would come by every day for two hours, and she'd, legit, just play Candy Crush on her phone. But, anyway, the point is, he had, like, a bunch of pills. He was too out of it to know I was high. === ''Made You Look'' [1.03] === :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' Real love is when you can't exist without someone, when you'd rather die than be apart, and the whole world goes dark, and nothing else matters but the person standing in front of you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' The summer before high school she started writing [[w:fan fiction|fan fiction]]. By the year's end, she had become one of the most prolific smut writers on [[w:Tumblr|Tumblr]]. She was known for her [[w:Parallel universes in fiction|AU crossovers]] and her consistent [[w:NC-17|NC-17 ratings]]. But what made her famous was her story, "The First Night," a 7,000-word fic' that was largely credited with starting the "Larry Stylinson" conspiracy theory. That [[w:Harry Styles|Harry Styles]] and [[w:Louis Tomlinson|Louis Tomlinson]] of [[w:One Direction|One Direction]] were [[w:love affair|secretly fucking]]. <hr width='50%'> :'''Rue''': Hey, I'm Rue. I'm an addict. :'''Crowd''': Hi, Rue. :'''Rue''': And I've been clean for 60 days. :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' For the record, I'm not not telling the truth. I've actually been doing really well. Because the morning after that whole drug-dealer-face-tattoo fentanyl excursion, I... got in a little bit of trouble... for disappearing for like 16 hours. :''[Rue finds her mother sitting at the dining room table while trying to sneak back into her house]'' :'''Leslie''': Where have you been? :'''Rue''': I'm sorry. My phone died. :'''Leslie''': Bullshit. You're doing drugs. :'''Rue''': I'm not doing drugs. :'''Leslie''': Then where have you been? And why weren't you answering you phone? Why are you sneaking into the house? :'''Rue''': I was with someone. :'''Leslie''': Who? :'''Rue''': It... It doesn't matter, Mom. :'''Leslie''': It matters, Rue. It matters. You're doing drugs. ''[sees Gia walking out of her bedroom]'' Gia, go back to sleep. :'''Gia''': Rue, are you... Are you okay? :'''Rue''': I'm fine. You can go back to sleep. :'''Leslie''': She's okay, baby, okay? Go to bed. Good night. ''[to Rue after Gia leaves]'' I will not allow you to walk up into this house at 5:30 in the morning and lie to my face. So tell me the truth right now. Where were you? :'''Rue''': I don't wanna have to tell you everything that's going on in my life. If you wanna drug test me, just drug test me. ''[V.O.]'' She wasn't the only person upset with me. :''[Cut to Rue hanging out with Jules]'' :'''Jules''': I'm not kidding, Rue. I'm not trying to become best friends with someone who's gonna fucking kill themself. :'''Rue''': I know. I didn't mean to do this. :'''Jules''': I've been through, like... enough traumatic shit in my life that I don't... I can't, like– :'''Rue''': I get it. I get it. :'''Jules''': I don't wanna be around you if you don't stop using drugs. :'''Rue''': Okay. :'''Jules''': I mean it. :'''Rue''': I know. I'll stop. I promise. I just need you to do me a favor. You're not gonna like it. :''[Cut to Leslie performing a drug test in the bathroom with Rue. Unbeknownst to her, she is testing Jules' urine, which causes the test to come out negative.]'' :'''Leslie''': You're still grounded until I don't even fucking know. :'''Rue''': What else is there? I told you I wasn't lying. <hr width='50%'> :'''Maddy''': Do you think people are a hundred percent straight? A hundred percent gay? :'''Kat''': No, 'cause obviously there's, like, bi people, asexual, pan... Sexuality is like a spectrum, you know? :'''Maddy''': Yeah. Totally. :'''Kat''': Why? :'''Maddy''': I don't know. Do you think straight guys ever, like, watch gay porn? :'''Kat''': Not if they're a hundred percent straight. :'''Maddy''': You just said it's a spectrum. :'''Kat''': Yeah, on either side of the spectrum is gay and straight. :'''Maddy''': I fucking hate this. :'''Kat''': Is this about Nate? :'''Maddy''': No. He's, like, super straight. :'''Kat''': Is it about your dad? :'''Maddy''': No. :'''Kat''': It would explain why they're fighting. :'''Maddy''': It's not about any guy that I know. :'''Kat''': All I know is that most guys are, like, weird, gross, and fucking pathetic. <hr width='50%'> :'''Ali''': Yo. Sixty days, no small feat. :'''Rue''': Thanks. :'''Ali''': Very moving share. :'''Rue''': Thank you. :'''Ali''': Can I ask you something? How'd you survive that OD? :'''Rue''': What do you mean? :'''Ali''': I mean, somebody had to save your life, right? :'''Rue''': It was my sister. :'''Ali''': Aw, man. Older or younger? :'''Rue''': Younger. ''[pause]'' I have to get home, so... :'''Ali''': Like 12, 13? :'''Rue''': I don't really understand what the point... :'''Ali''': Curiosity. :'''Rue''': Yeah, she was 13. :'''Ali''': That's some heavy shit. But, hey. We've all done some bad shit in our lives, right? Comes with the territory. But, man, now you just got me thinking about... what that does to a 13-year-old. A 13-year-old kid who finds her big sister overdosed. What that moment must do to somebody... How it affects the rest of their lives, you know? How it affects their ability to trust. Leaves it hard for them to get close to people. You know, relationships. Makes it hard for them to fall in love. Living with the fear that at any moment, the rug can be ripped out from under them and they lose everything. Especially the people that they love. You ever think about that? ''[pause]'' Yeah, probably fucked up for life. But hey, you're gonna have to make peace with that. Just like you're gonna have to make peace with the fact that you could be responsible for some shit like that, and then get up in front of a whole group of people who are struggling with the same issues, and lie about being clean. You know what I'm saying? :'''Rue''': I don't know what you're talking about. :'''Ali''': Listen, young blood. You're playing pool with Minnesota Fats. :'''Rue''': Who's Minnesota Fats? :'''Ali''': The greatest motherfucking pool player that ever lived. :'''Rue''': ''[chuckles]'' Okay. :'''Ali''': I'm Ali. Let me know when you wanna stop trying to kill yourself and eat some pancakes. <hr width='50%'> :''[Fez hears someone pounding on his door]'' :'''Fezco''': Who is it? Fuck. :''[He sees Rue when he opens the door]'' :'''Fezco''': ''[sighs]'' Not today, Rue. I'm sorry. :'''Rue''': Come on, man. Don't be a dick. :'''Fezco''': Nah, I'm serious. You can't come in. :'''Rue''': Look, man. All I need is just, like, a few OCs. That's all. :'''Fezco''': Sorry, I can't help you. :'''Rue''': Fez. Fez, I've had a really fucked-up day, alright? It's been a really, really fucked-up day, okay? So I need you to open the door for me, okay? Can you open the door? Please? :'''Fezco''': I'm not gonna help you kill yourself, Rue. I'm sorry, but you can't be comin' over here no more. Just go home. :'''Rue''': Don't... Fez! Don't close the... ''[Fez closes the door on her]'' Fuck! Fez, open the fucking door, please? I'm begging you just to open the door. Fez! You're full of shit, man! You make your living off of selling drugs to teenagers. And now all of a sudden, you wanna have a fucking moral high ground? You're a fucking dropout drug dealer, you know that?! You're a fucking drug dealer with seven functioning fucking brain cells! ''[knocks on the door]'' OPEN THE DOOR! Fuck you! Fuck you, Fez, okay? Are you doing this because you care about me?! If you gave a shit about me, you wouldn't have sold me the fucking drugs in the first place! But you did! You fucking did! So open the goddamn door! Open the door! :'''Fezco''': I can't do it, Rue. I'm sorry. :'''Rue''': Open the door! Open the door! ''[tearfully]'' Open the door. ''[holds back sob]'' You did this to me! You fucking... You did this to me, Fez. You fucking ruined my life! The least you could do is ''open the goddamn door and fix it!'' I'm fucking serious. I'm so fucking serious. If you don't open this door right now, I swear to God... I will hate you, till the day I fucking die. :'''Fezco''': I'm sorry. ''[walks away from the door]'' :'''Rue''': ''[screams]'' YOU FUCKING DID THIS TO ME! Open the fucking door... ''[bangs on the door repeatedly]'' Open the door, Fez! Come on, man! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! === ''Shook Ones, Pt. II'' [1.04] === :'''Allan''': Are you making any friends? :'''Jules''': Not really. :'''Allan''': Well, that'll change. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' By 13, she started to transition. And by 16, Jules had gotten a little slutty. And every guy was the same: Cis, white, married, engaged, in long-term relationships. Some were sweet, some were weird, and a few were aggressive. And whenever anything got too uncomfortable... Jules would just imagine that she wasn't really herself, and this wasn't really her life. She was just a character in a book or a movie or a show. That none of it was real, and if it was, how did it matter? It's not like her body ever really belonged to her in the first place. But fuck it. She'd save it for the memoirs. 'Cause that was the night she met her new best friend. And although she had never really been in a relationship or even in, like, love, she imagined spending the rest of her life with her. How they'd live together in some shitty New York apartment, and maybe date other people, but always sleep in the same bed. She even said it to her once, which was probably a mistake, for, like, a lot of reasons. Plus, that was before she fell for Tyler. Like, hard. Like, ''really'' hard. <hr width='50%'> :'''Maddy''': You're not having fun? :'''Cassie''': No. :'''Maddy''': Yeah, me neither. You wanna do molly? :''[They walk up to Fez and Ashtray's pretzel truck]'' :'''Ashtray''': Welcome to Pretzelmania, can I take your order? ''[pause]'' How many pretzels do you want? :'''Maddy''': We don't eat carbs. :'''Cassie''': Two, please. :'''Ashtray''': That'll be forty. :''[Maddy and Cassie each give Ashtray twenty bucks in exchange for two ounces of ecstasy]'' :'''Cassie''': So, you think Nate's cheating on you? :'''Maddy''': I don't know. He's just been acting super-weird lately. :'''Cassie''': Have you gone through his phone? :'''Maddy''': I've never not gone through someone's phone. :'''Cassie''': Bitch, you're my soulmate. :'''Maddy''': Yo, what's going on with you and McKay? I thought you two were in love. :'''Cassie''': Nate asked McKay if were were in a relationship, and McKay said that we were just chillin'. :'''Maddy''': What? :'''Cassie''': Yeah. :'''Maddy''': Honestly, fuck them both. :''[Later, they watch the Jacobs family at their chili cook-off tent after taking molly]'' :'''Maddy''': Honestly, fuck that whole family. :'''Cassie''': For real. :'''Maddy''': 'Cause right now I'm looking at a thousand versions of myself, and not only do I look good, I fucking feel good. :'''Cassie''': It's a bitch. :'''Maddy''': So, if they've got something to say, they should just say it to my face, right? :'''Cassie''': Or ''you'' could just say it to ''their'' fucking face. :'''Maddy''': Right? :'''Cassie''': That's what I would do. ''[pause]'' I feel like this is a turning point. :'''Maddy''': Totally. :'''Cassie''': We should just pick the hottest, most confident, bad bitch version of ourselves, and be that for the rest of the school year. <hr width='50%'> :''[Jules and Rue comes across Jacobs' tent while walking around the carnival]'' :'''Jules''': Oh, my fucking God. :'''Rue''': What? :'''Jules''': That's him. :'''Rue''': Who? :'''Jules''': The guy. :'''Rue''': What guy? :'''Jules''': The one from the motel. :'''Rue''': Okay, what guy are we looking at, exactly? :'''Jules''': ''[points at Cal]'' Okay, the one in the apron, serving the chili. I swear to God. :'''Rue''': No fucking way. Jules, do you know who that is? :'''Jules''': Yeah, the guy from the motel. :'''Rue''': That's Cal Jacobs. :'''Jules''': Who's that? :'''Rue''': Nate Jacobs' dad. :'''Jules''': That's Nate's dad?! :'''Rue''': Yes, that's Nate's dad. :'''Jules''': No fucking way! :'''Rue''': Yes, fucking way. You're full of shit. :'''Jules''': No way! :'''Rue''': You're full of shit. Do you–Do you know who he is? He fucking owns half this town. He built it. All the apartment buildings past Kemper, they're his. :'''Jules''': Rue, I swear to God. :'''Rue''': There's no way. :'''Jules''': That's the guy I fucked! :'''Rue''': There's no way. Bullshit. :'''Jules''': I'm being a hundred percent serious. You–You don't believe me? :'''Rue''': No, actually. I don't. :'''Jules''': Okay. Watch. :''[Jules walks towards the tent and approaches Cal]'' :'''Jules''': Excuse me, sir. :'''Cal''': ''[turns around]'' Hmm... ''[pause; looks at Jules uncomfortably]'' Hi. Can I help you? :'''Jules''': Uh, can I please have a small cup of chili? :'''Cal''': Yeah, sure. :''[Cal's hands start shaking as he scoops chili into a cup. He accidentally drops it as he hands it to Jules.]'' :'''Cal''': Oh, shoot. Sorry. :''[Jules turns to look at Rue, who looks utterly surprised]'' :'''Jules''': Uh, it–it's okay. It was my fault. :'''Cal''': I'll get you another cup. :'''Marsha''': Hi. It's two dollars. All the proceeds go to the football team. :'''Jules''': Uh... cool. ''[gives Marsha two dollar bills]'' :'''Marsha''': Thank you. :''[Jules exchanges another glance with Rue, whose eyes are now wide in shock. Rue notices Cal staring at her and turns around. She does a double take and exchanges another quick look with Jules before walking away.]'' :'''Jules''': ''[beat]'' Thanks. :''[Jules walks off back to Rue. Nate is revealed to have been watching the awkward interaction between Cal and Jules from the back of the tent with his brother, Aaron.]'' :'''Aaron''': Yo, Nate, who was that? :'''Nate''': Her name's Jules. She's new here. :'''Aaron''': She goes to East Highland? :'''Nate''': Yeah. She's a junior. :'''Aaron''': Damn, that's jailbait. That's too bad. :''...'' :'''Jules''': ''[to Rue]'' Why the fuck did you let me do that?! :'''Rue''': I didn't let you do that! You just fucking... did it. You went over there and you did it. :'''Jules''': Did you see that his hands were fucking shaking? :'''Rue''': Yes, and then he dropped... :'''Jules''': And then, he fucking dropped the chili! Oh, my God! :'''Rue''': The chili! Oh, he dropped the fucking chili. And then he–And then you looked at me. :'''Jules''': Yeah, because I was screaming inside. :'''Rue''': Yeah, well, that made him fucking look at me! He looked at me in the fucking eyes! :'''Jules''': Ugh, I feel so bad. That was literally the meanest thing I've ever done. <hr width='50%'> :'''Announcer''': And this year's winner of the chili cook-off is... Cal Jacobs! Make it six years and running! :''[Nate sees Maddy slow-clapping in the crowd and rolls his eyes]'' :'''Maddy''': Yeah, I'm not supposed to be here right now because I'm dressed like a hooker, and none of you like me, but I just wanted to say congratulations. :'''Nate''': Maddy, get out of– :''[Maddy knocks over the chili pot]'' :'''Maddy''': Oops. :'''Marsha''': What in God's name is your problem?! :'''Maddy''': You, cunt. :''[Nate grabs Maddy by the arm and angrily drags her away]'' :'''Nate''': I'm not gonna let you fuckin' embarrass me like that again, I swear to fuckin' God. ''[Maddy just giggles]'' Shut the fuck up! I'm fucking done with you! I'm so ''fucking'' done with you! :'''Maddy''': ''[laughing]'' Yeah, what else is new? :'''Nate''': I'm not fuckin' joking! :'''Maddy''': Yeah, fucking right. :'''Nate''': Calling my mom a cunt. What the fuck is actually wrong with your fuckin' brain? :'''Maddy''': I think you're overreacting. :''[Nate suddenly slams Maddy against a trailer and closes his hand around her neck.]'' :'''Nate''': You're fuckin' dead to me. Fuck you. <hr width='50%'> :''[Jules sees a tall male figure approach her, thinking it's Tyler]'' :'''Jules''': Hey... Tyler? :''[When the man gets closer to her, she is horrified to see that he's Nate]'' :'''Jules''': No... No. ''[turns around to walk away]'' :'''Nate''': No, I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm not... I'm not here to hurt you. ''[grabs Jules' arm]'' I know that you have these ideas about me based on the first time that we met, and I understand that... but I'm not the person that you met that night. :'''Jules''': Can you let go of me? :''[Nate lets go of Jules and follows her as she walks over to a lake]'' :'''Nate''': You know, over the past few weeks... I've spent... every moment of every day getting to know you. At night... I fall asleep to you. And in the morning... I wake up to you. I kinda feel closer to you than I do to anyone in the whole world. :'''Jules''': ''[tearfully]'' I don't trust you, Nate. :'''Nate''': I don't trust you either. :''[Jules steps back, but stops when Nate wipes away her tears. He leans down and kisses her.]'' :'''Nate''': ''[softly]'' Open your mouth. :'''Jules''': Nate... :'''Nate''': Wider. :'''Jules''': ''[pause; Nate sticks his thumb in her mouth]'' Nate. Nate, stop. :'''Nate''': God, are you broken inside. And that's precisely why I don't trust you. ''[pause]'' Because you're so broken you don't even trust yourself. And that's scary. Not just for you... but for me and for my entire family. ''[hears Jules' phone vibrates]'' I wouldn't answer that. You're gonna wanna hear this. Over the last three weeks, you have knowingly produced and distributed child pornography. Including obscene images that were taken on school property. I've compiled all these photos, along with an IP address, and an account that's linked to your name. I don't know if you're familiar with child pornography laws in this state... but they apply to minors just as they apply to adults. :'''Jules''': I sent them to you. :'''Nate''': No, you sent them to an account of a person that doesn't fuckin' exist. And I mean, anyone can anonymously report child pornography, right? :'''Jules''': ''[shakes her head]'' Then, I'd tell them everything. :'''Nate''': Okay. You could do that, but um... here's what would definitely happen. You'd end up on a sex offenders list. It means no more college. It's gonna be very fucking difficult to find a job. And everywhere you go for the rest of your life, you'll be harassed, and spat at, and treated like a fucking animal. You deserve better than that, 'cause I know you. You're kind. You're smart, you're generous. You got a big heart. You deserve whatever the fuck it is in this world that you want. So keep your head down. Keep your mouth shut. Don't try to ruin my life, and I won't have to ruin yours. :'''Jules''': You know what I think? I think you're a fucking f*ggot, just like your daddy. :''[Nate grabs Jules by her hair and pulls her close to him. He softly chuckles as they stare each other down.]'' :'''Nate''': ...You have a nice night. <hr width='50%'> :''[Rue hears Jules tap on her bedroom window and slides it open]'' :'''Rue''': Hey. :'''Jules''': Do you think I could sleep over? :'''Rue''': Yeah. Yeah, of course. Come on. :''[Rue helps Jules enter through the window. Jules sits on the floor and unzips her backpack.]'' :'''Rue''': ''[beat]'' Is everything okay? Um... Here. ''[offers her shirt to Jules after she undresses]'' So how'd the date go with Tyler? :'''Jules''': Um... He didn't look like his picture. :''[Rue embraces Jules and they get into bed together]'' === '''03 Bonnie and Clyde'' [1.05] === :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' But honestly, the best thing I've ever had is [[w:fentanyl|fentanyl]]. There's not a thing on planet Earth that compares to Fentanyl. Except Jules. Jules is a close second. Jules. Jules. Jules. Jules. And you know what would be better? Jules and fentanyl. But I can't do both, because Jules won't have me. So for now, I'll choose Jules. <hr width='50%'> :'''Rue''': Okay. One, what was that about? Two, can we talk about the fact that you fucked Nate's dad? :'''Jules''': Rue, swear to God, like on your life that you will never tell anyone. :'''Rue''': That you fucked Nate's dad? :'''Jules''': I'm serious. This is like... Even if you decide you hate me one day. Like, you can never tell anyone. :'''Rue''': Why would I ever hate you? :'''Jules''': That's not the point. Seriously, this is some "go to your grave" shit. :'''Rue''': I promise! Do you think Nate knows? :'''Jules''': No. Why would Nate know? :'''Rue''': I don't know, you went up to the chili booth at the carnival. Did he look like he knew? :'''Jules''': No, like, literally, like I didn't even notice. :'''Rue''': Nate's scary. The whole fuckin' family is scary. :'''Jules''': I don't wanna have this conversation. :'''Rue''': You know what'd be amazing? If they paid you off with a bunch of money, and then we'd do a bunch of really cool shit. :'''Jules''': Rue, this is not a joke. :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' I don't know why Jules didn't trust me. Or why she'd think I'd ever hate her. There's literally nothing in the world that Jules could do to make me upset. I even told her that. :'''Jules''': Yeah, right. :'''Rue''': No, for real. It's true. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kat''': ''[V.O.]'' What I realized is that, like, my whole life, all I’ve tried to do is take up less space. Tried to hide from guys who might whisper to their friend under their breath as I walked by. I spent my whole life afraid people were gonna find out that I was fat. But honestly, who gives a shit? There's nothing more powerful than a fat girl who doesn't give a fuck. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Cassie tells McKay about Nate's dick pics]'' :'''Cassie''': He had a bunch of dick pics on his phone. :'''McKay''': And was like what? Sending them to other girls? :'''Cassie''': No. McKay, it wasn't his dick. It was other guys' dicks. :'''McKay''': I'm confused. Who told you this? :''[Cut to Cassie on the phone with Maddy]'' :'''Maddy''': What dick pics? :'''Cassie''': The ones you told me about, on his phone. :'''Maddy''': I don't know if your brain is all scrambled from all the molly you took, but I never said that. If you ever spread a lie like that, I will fucking come for you. :''[Cut back to Cassie on the bed with McKay]'' :'''McKay''': We good? :'''Cassie''': ''[pause]'' Yeah. :'''McKay''': Anyway, look, Cassie. I'm really sorry about what happened the other night at the carnival. :'''Cassie''': It's okay. :'''McKay''': No, I should've said something to Nate. :'''Cassie''': It just really hurt my feelings. I mean, I feel like you weren't proud to be my boyfriend. :'''McKay''': Cass... Give me a kiss. ''[Cassie gets close to him and they kiss]'' I'm proud to be your boyfriend, trust me. :'''Cassie''': I'm sorry, too. :'''McKay''': What do you have to sorry about? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ali''': Those are the moments that keep me up at night. Thinking about all the times that I ignored that voice in my head. You know, they told me, "What are you doing?" And what happens a month, six months, a year, when she moves away, and goes to college? When she tells you she just wants to be friends? :'''Rue''': You mean “if.” :'''Ali''': No, Rue, I mean “when.” :'''Rue''': I mean, I don't know. We talked about living together. Like, if she goes to school in New York, I'll just go with her. I'll go anywhere she goes. :'''Ali''': I think you're missing my point, Rue. Nothing in high school lasts forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' Maddy wasn't doing well. Over the course of the last five days, Maddy had sent Nate a total of 273 text messages. None of which he answered. Plus, everyone in her life was against her. :'''Sonia''': ''[in Spanish]'' It's not real love, Maddy. :'''Maddy''': Who the fuck are you to judge? :'''Sonia''': ''[in Spanish]'' Don't swear! :'''Maddy''': Seriously, Mom. Dad has slept on the couch since I was ten years old. :'''Sonia''': ''[in Spanish]'' Don't be cruel, Maddy! :'''Maddy''': I'm not. I'm just saying, love is a million things. Sometimes it feels good and sometimes it doesn't. The one thing I know is that Nate loves me no matter what. He'd fucking kill for me, and I'd kill for him! It feels good to know that there's one person in this whole fucked up world who has my back! You think I want this?! You live in the same house and you don't even say one word to each other! That's the difference between me and you! :'''Sonia''': ''[in Spanish]'' You're right. I felt the exact same way about every person I ever dated! The same! === ''The Next Episode'' [1.06] === :'''Kat''': I think I'm gonna get really fucked up tonight. :'''Jules''': Same. :'''Kat''': ''[chuckling]'' Cool. :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' The only other time I'd ever seen Jules drink was the night of McKay's party. It's not like I'm a drag and want everyone to be sober around me. It's just, something felt off. :'''Kat''': Tequila makes me aggressive. :'''Jules''': ''[groans]'' Tequila makes me wanna dance. :'''Rue''': I–I once took, like, ten Vicodin, and drank an entire thing of tequila, and then I, like, blacked out for three days. But while I was blacked out, I still went to school and did homework and shit. It was really weird. :'''Kat''': Well, let's not do that tonight. :'''Rue''': I won't. I'm... I'm clean, so we're good. ''[chuckles]'' :'''Jules''': Wait a minute. I was supposed to be your chaperone... but now I'm drunk. :'''Rue''': I don't, like, actually need a chaperone. :'''Jules''': Oops. <hr width='50%'> :'''Ethan''': Can I ask you a question? :'''Kat''': Sure. :'''Ethan''': Like, um... What happened the night of the carnival? 'Cause I feel like it felt like we were, like, having a lot of fun when we were, like, hanging out. And then you just kinda, like, disappeared. :'''Kat''': What is, like, your weird fascination with me? I don't get it. :'''Ethan''': What? I don't have a weird fascination with you. :'''Kat''': Okay. Say we hung out that night. And then what? :'''Ethan''': Um, I... I don't know. And then we would, like, hang out again. :'''Kat''': Ethan, why would we hang out again? :'''Ethan''': 'Cause we, like, enjoyed hanging out? :'''Kat''': Ethan, if you want me to suck your dick or fuck you, just say it, but... stop acting like we'll be boyfriend and girlfriend, because the chances of that happening are, like, literally zero. <hr width='50%'> :'''Fezco''': Hey, what's up, kid? :'''Rue''': Hey, man. Uh, look I owe you an apology. :'''Fezco''': Nah, come on, now. We're good. :'''Rue''': Bro. Man, I... I said some really fucked up shit I didn't mean. :'''Fezco''': Listen, Rue. You a drug addict. I don't take nothin' a drug addict says personally. 'Cause I don't believe nothin' a drug addict say. I love you, I hate you. You the best, go fuck yourself. It's all the same shit, you know what I'm sayin'? Y'all just lookin' for an angle in. :'''Rue''': Yeah, I know, but... As your friend, I need you to know that I'm sorry. And I love you. :'''Fezco''': I love you, too, kid. :'''Rue''': And thank you for not... selling me drugs. :'''Fezco''': As your friend, I got you. You sober? :'''Rue''': ''[exhales]'' Yeah. :'''Fezco''': And how's that? :'''Rue''': You know, it's weird. I've been fucked up so long that it kind of feels like a new drug. :'''Fezco''': I feel you. :'''Rue''': The highs are high, but the... The lows are low. <hr width='50%'> :'''Fezco''': ''[to Rue]'' Yo, ain't that your homegirl there? :''[Rue sees Jules drunkenly fooling around in the pool]'' :'''Rue''': Jules, what are you doing? :'''Jules''': ''[starts reciting [[w:Romeo and Juliet|Romeo and Juliet]]]'' Although I joy in thee, I have no joy in this contract tonight. :'''Rue''': What are you talking about? I don't know what that means. :'''Jules''': It's too rash. Too unadvised. Too sudden. Too like the light in which thou doth cease to breathe. :'''Rue''': Jules, you're drunk, okay? And you sound like an idiot. Can you please get out of the pool? :'''Jules''': 'Ere one can say "it lightens." Sweet, good night! This bud of love by summer's ripening breath may prove a beauteous flower when we next meet. :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' And maybe Ali was right about Jules. 'Cause this doesn't feel good. ''[to Jules]'' Stop, okay. Can you stop? Stop. Stop! S-Stop, Jules! ''[V.O.]'' I just wish she'd told me about last night. === ''The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Pee While Depressed'' [1.07] === :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' The thought of having to stand up, exert 172 muscles each step for 35 feet, just so I can sit on cold porcelain and piss out toxins over and over again for the rest of my life makes the whole concept of living feel like one long, sadistic joke. But the absolute worst part of depression is that even though you know you're depressed, you're unable to stop yourself from getting worse. But I wasn't the only one feeling down. <hr width='50%'> :'''Lexi''': Why would Jules lie to help Nate? :'''Rue''': I don't know. :'''Lexi''': Well, have you asked her about it? :'''Rue''': No. :'''Lexi''': You haven't asked her? :'''Rue''': No. ''[V.O.]'' Keep looking, you mook. I'm Morgan fuckin' Freeman and this is the beginning of the third act. :'''Lexi''': Well, doesn't that seem like the first logical step? :'''Rue''': Honestly, Howard, this whole thing is beyond logic. Unless... Jules is in love with Nate. :'''Lexi''': Why would Jules be in love with Nate? :'''Rue''': You should listen to me. ''[lights cigarette]'' :'''Lexi''': Bennett, the cigarettes are killing me. :'''Rue''': Listen. Listen. Listen, the night of the carnival, she said she wanted to go meet up with this guy she met online, okay? He's some fuckin' jock, he's from a conservative family, and they were talking and texting. They've been texting for weeks. And when I say texting, I don't just mean regular fuckin' texting. They were sexting. :'''Lexi''': Like nudes? :'''Rue''': Yeah. Side note, very nice dick. Very clean room. She never fucking saw his face. :'''Lexi''': Yeah, so Jules is catfished. :'''Rue''': Now hear me out. So the night of the carnival, she made plans with this guy to meet up with him at the lake, okay? I fucking go home. Next thing I know, she's fucking knocking at my window. She's all emotional, she's got fucking tears in her eyes. I say, "Jules, what the fuck happened?" She looks at me. She goes... "He didn't look like his pictures." :'''Lexi''': Yeah, that's like, the definition of catfishing. :'''Rue''': No, but do you know what his name was? :'''Lexi''': Nate Jacobs? :'''Rue''': Tyler. :'''Lexi''': Like, Tyler Clarkson? :'''Rue''': You're goddamn right. Maddy is 17, Tyler's 22, and they fornicated. Statutory. Yeah, you saw it, I saw it. We all fucking saw it. Including Nate. And what is a lighter offense than statutory? :'''Lexi''': Assault. :'''Rue''': Bingo! <hr width='50%'> :'''Kat''': ''[to Cassie]'' I don't know what you're gonna say, but this feels like... really dramatic. :'''BB''': Yeah, this is spooky. :'''Cassie''': It is not spooky, BB. I just–I need your advice on, like, two things. And I need you guys to promise me not to say a single fucking word. So, the night of Daniel's Halloween party, something happened. :''...'' :'''Maddy''': Wait, am I hearing this correctly? You wanna tell McKay that you made out with Daniel at the carnival and on Halloween? :'''Cassie''': Yeah, but, I don't... I don't have to say it's Daniel. :'''Maddy''': Bitch, that's the craziest idea I've ever heard. ''[looks over at Kat and BB]'' Right? :'''BB''': For sure. :'''Cassie''': Yeah, but I wanna be honest with him. :'''Maddy''': You cannot tell McKay. :'''Cassie''': But it's not like I cheated-cheated. :'''Maddy''': Kissing is worse. It's so much more intimate. And if anybody brings it up, you deny, deny, deny. :'''Cassie''': Okay, but, I just don't want there to be something this bad between us forever. :'''Kat''': I wouldn't worry about it. It's not like you guys are gonna be together forever. :'''Maddy''': Kat, what the fuck is your problem? You're being a bad friend now. You were a bad friend to me, and this whole new personality is seriously unlikable. :'''BB''': [[w:WorldStarHipHop|World Star]]! :'''Kat''': Why, because I won't sit and listen to you bitch and moan about your psychotic, abusive boyfriend who you've literally broken up with a thousand times? :'''Maddy''': It was literally the lowest point in my life, so yeah. That and the fact that you're just fucking mean. :'''Kat''': Maddy, ever since I've met you, all you talk about is yourself. Your clothes, your boyfriends, whatever superficial shit you think is so fucking important. Sorry I'm no longer interested. :'''Maddy''': I don't know about everyone else, but I miss the old Kat. You know, the one who had a sense of humor and wasn't a fucking cunt? :'''BB''': ''[pause]'' Damn. :'''Lexi''': ''[to Cassie]'' What was the other thing? :'''Cassie''': What other thing? :'''Lexi''': You said you needed advice on two things. :'''Cassie''': I don't remember. What would you do? :'''Lexi''': Um, I don't know. I've never really been in a situation where two guys have been interested in me. :'''Cassie''': That's 'cause you're shy. :'''Lexi''': I guess so, but I've also never been in a situation where I've been interested in two guys. :'''Cassie''': That's also 'cause you're shy. :'''Lexi''': Maybe. :'''Cassie''': But if you were in my situation, what would you do? :'''Lexi''': Honestly, I don't think I would say anything. :'''Cassie''': What if not saying something makes you feel really bad? :'''Lexi''': Worse than saying it? :'''Cassie''': Yeah. :'''Lexi''': Well, then, I don't think you have any other option. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cassie''': I'm pregnant. :'''McKay''': What? Are you for real that you're 100 percent pregnant? :'''Cassie''': Yeah. :'''McKay''': I... I'm sorry, uh... Are you alright? :'''Cassie''': Yeah, I'm... I'm just a little bit nervous. :'''McKay''': Nervous about what? :'''Cassie''': About what you're gonna say. :'''McKay''': You're not really thinking about having this kid, are you? :'''Cassie''': I really love you, McKay. :'''McKay''': Yeah, I love you, too, but I'm doing a lot of shit right now. I'm in the middle of school right now. It's a big fuckin' responsibility, Cassie. :'''Cassie''': What if this is what I'm supposed to do with my life? :'''McKay''': What the fuck? My parents are gonna kill me. My coach is gonna kill me. My parents are gonna ''fucking kill me''. Fuck. Cass, I don't even think you wanna have this baby, okay? It's not a... It's not a fuckin' fairy tale. Like... It may seem all cute and cuddly to you, but this is real shit. I'm not even ready to be a dad. I don't know if that's selfish to say or whatever, but... children are fuckin' scary. You wanted to talk about it, so here we are. We're talking about it. But I say we don't do it. :'''Cassie''': I'm not saying I'm gonna have a baby. I just wanted to dream about it for a minute. :'''McKay''': You'll make the best mother on the planet one day. I say that without a doubt. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' Okay, this is gonna sound sick, because I'm actually in a lot of pain right now–due to the sheer weight and strain on my bladder–but man, does this make me miss opiates. Because your bladder is trained from a very early age not to pee whenever it wants to. It needs permission from your brain. And when you're really high, your brain gets a little... lazy. Too lazy to say something. :''...'' :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' An adult bladder can hold two cups of urine. But if you're telling your bladder to hold off because, say, you're in the worst depression of your fucking life, your bladder will eventually fill. And what begins to happen is... all of the toxins that your kidneys have pushed into your bladder begin to travel back into your kidneys. I know what you're thinking. "Rue, this is insane. Don't get a kidney infection. Walk to the bathroom." Trust me, I'm thinking the same fuckin' thing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jules''': I'm scared of you, Nate. :'''Nate''': I'm sorry. For everything. I'm sorry for hurting you. You... You were the most beautiful person that I've ever known. I'm Tyler. I'm the person that you fell in love with. :'''Jules''': I wanna kill you. :'''Nate''': I'm yours. I'm all yours. :'''Jules''': You're a pussy. You're a bitch. And I wish the whole fucking world could know. === ''And Salt the Earth Behind You'' [1.08] === :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' They put me on Cipro, which is the antibiotic they give to people that are exposed to anthrax, started me on Lexapro, which is one of the few antidepressants that doesn't make me crazier. And kept me there for three days. It was actually really nice. I love hospitals. If I could spend the rest of my life in a hospital, I would. Because when you're in a hospital, you have zero responsibilities. They make sure you eat, sleep, stay hydrated, and if anything bad happens, there's always a doctor nearby. It's also the best place to be in the event of a mass shooting, unless the gunman kills all the surgeons. The point is, I had zero anxiety. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jules''': Did all this happen because I left? :'''Rue''': No. :'''Jules''': You promise? :'''Rue''': Yeah, I promise. I've felt like this my whole life, Jules. Not all the time, but sometimes. You make it better, though. :'''Jules''': I'm sorry. :'''Rue''': For what? :'''Jules''': For not telling you the truth. :'''Rue''': ''[V.O.]'' For everyone who was calling me manic, I was, like, 92 percent correct. But something was different about Jules. :'''Jules''': Rue, you look fucking amazing. :'''Rue''': Jules, I am deeply uncomfortable right now. :'''Jules''': Listen, you look hot. And the fact that you usually dress like Seth Rogen, although you make it cute sometimes, like, it crushes my soul. :'''Rue''': I don't dress like Seth Rogen. :'''Jules''': When was the last time you didn't wear a hoodie and sweatpants? :'''Rue''': I don't know, like... now. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cassie''': What if these are, like, the big moments in life? Like, my mom always talks about how high school was like this big, monumental part of her life. But I cannot imagine being 40 and looking back at this, like, "Wow." :'''Maddy''': Yeah, but that's because most people peak in high school. :'''Kat''': I definitely haven't peaked, so... :'''Lexi''': I feel like I'm not even a person yet. :'''Cassie''': Yeah, I'm definitely at, like, 25 percent peakness. :'''Jules''': I feel like I'm at a hundred. But I can definitely get to 150. :'''Rue''': Honestly, I never thought I'd make it this far. :'''Cassie''': What do you mean? :'''Rue''': I don't know. I just always had, like, this overwhelming anxiety that something bad would happen. :'''Maddy''': In all fairness, last summer, there were, like, three weeks where I thought you were dead. :'''Jules''': Okay, but she's been sober for, like, three months. :'''Maddy''': ''[to Rue]'' Weren't you in rehab, like, six months ago? :'''Rue''': Uh, yeah. ''[chuckles]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[In a flashback, Nate fails to get an erection when he and Maddy get intimate]'' :'''Maddy''': Are you, like, not hard? :'''Nate''': Not yet. Fuck. :'''Maddy''': It... It doesn't really feel like you're hard. :'''Nate''': I am. I'm... I am hard. :'''Maddy''': Nate, this isn't something you just, like, lie about. :'''Nate''': Maddy, I just got a lot of shit on my mind, okay? :'''Maddy''': Like right now? Like, during sex? :'''Nate''': Maddy, stop. :'''Maddy''': Stop what? :'''Nate''': Talking. Stop talking. Fuck. :'''Maddy''': Okay, I'm officially turned off. Just get off me. :'''Nate''': Why the fuck are we even having sex? :'''Maddy''': We weren't. :'''Nate''': You know what your fucking problem is? You can't keep your fucking mouth shut. :'''Maddy''': Yeah, and you can't keep your dick hard. :'''Nate''': Maybe the reason I can't keep my dick hard is because everyone at school is spreading these fuckin' rumors about me. :'''Maddy''': They're not rumors; they're facts. You literally had, like, 40 different guys' dicks in your phone. :'''Nate''': I told you not to fucking tell anyone. :'''Maddy''': Yeah, well, I told people before you told me not to tell anyone. :'''Nate''': Yeah, but you told them out of fuckin' context. :'''Maddy''': Really? What is the context? :'''Nate''': I'd tell you, but I don't even fuckin' trust you anymore. :'''Maddy''': Kind of like how you fuck me, but you're not hard anymore? :'''Nate''': Huh? Keep talking. Come on, keep fucking talking. Keep talking, huh? :'''Maddy''': ''[pause; sobs]'' Look, Nate, I don't mind if you're into guys. :'''Nate''': I'm not into fucking guys, Maddy. :'''Maddy''': Sexuality is a spectrum. :'''Nate''': The fuck? What the fuck are you talking about? :'''Maddy''': It's not like anyone's one hundred percent straight or one hundred percent gay! :'''Nate''': Oh, that is one hundred percent bullshit! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ethan''': Kat, I liked you since I sat down next to you. You know, and I know that you think there's, like, zero chance that we're gonna be together forever, and, uh... I don't know. I guess, we're both juniors, so you're probably right about that. You know, I mean, like, is one of us gonna get hurt? Yeah. Probably. But I'll do my best to make sure that it's me. <hr width='50%'> :''[Rue sees Nate standing outside the auditorium and walks up next to him]'' :'''Rue''': Why do I feel like you're the reason Fez's house got raided? :'''Nate''': You know, sometimes when you do illegal shit... bad things happen to you. :'''Rue''': You've never done anything illegal, Nate? :'''Nate''': You talking about your friend Jules? :'''Rue''': No, actually, I'm talking about your dad. :'''Nate''': ''[beat; looks at Rue]'' I just wanna make sure you've given it some forethought. I know over the years you've lost some brain cells. I wouldn't want you to say something you might regret. :'''Rue''': What are you gonna do? You gonna ruin my life? I fuckin' promise you I can do that a lot better than you can. :'''Nate''': What do you want, Rue? :'''Rue''': I want you to leave Fez alone. I want you to leave Jules alone. If you ever fuck with them again, I'll destroy your life. I'll destroy your dad's life. I'll fucking burn your whole shit to the ground. 'Cause I personally have no problem walking into any police station and telling them that Nate Jacobs' daddy... likes to fuck little kids. :'''Nate''': ...You look very pretty today. Are you sure that Jules told you everything? You know what I like about her? She has these very real dreams, and I seriously think that she's gonna achieve them. If you look at everyone inside, most of them are gonna go on to live these lives that aren't even fucking worth mentioning. Not Jules. What about you? :'''Rue''': Honestly, I don't really give a fuck. :'''Nate''': Yeah, I gathered that. That's probably why you're spending all your time with someone who's gonna leave you and won't even remember who the fuck you are in ten years. ''[pause]'' I really meant what I said. You, uh... You look really beautiful. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cal''': ''[enters to see Nate embarrassed]'' You may have won the game, but you lost control of the team. And in the long run. if you don't lead, you're gonna lose. ''[sighs]'' You need to take a step back, Nate. I said take a step back. ''[starts attacking Nate, getting into fight with him]'' :'''Nate''': '''''GET THE FUCK OFF ME! GET THE– GET THE FUCKING HANDS OFF ME, YOU FUCKING F*GGOT!! GET THE FUCK OFF!!! GET THE FUCK OFF!!''''' :'''Cal''': Stop fighting! Stop fighting! :'''Nate''': '''''FUCK YOU!!! FUCK YOU!!!!''''' :'''Cal''': You need to stop! You had enough?! Keep fighting! :'''Nate''': '''''GET OFF!!!!! MOTHERFUC–''''' :'''Cal''': ''[pins Nate down, furiously screams in his face]'' '''''DO YOU WANT TO KEEP FIGHTING?!?! HUH?!?!''''' You think you're tough now, huh?! Come on, Nate! :''[Nate starts crying from his dad's furious outburst, then starts screaming and crying and throwing his temper tantrum, which scares Cal inyo leaving hia room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rue''': I fuckin' hate this town. :'''Jules''': If I could, I'd burn it to the fucking ground. :'''Rue''': And salt the earth behind you. ''[beat]'' Jules, are you in love with Anna? :'''Jules''': ''[pause; nods]'' Yeah. :'''Rue''': Are you, um... Are you in love with me? :'''Jules''': ... ''[nods again]'' Yeah. :'''Rue''': Do you wish I was different? ''[pause; Jules shakes her head]'' Let's get the fuck out of here. Come on. :''[Rue and Jules leave the auditorium steps and ride their bikes to Jules' house. They walk upstairs to Jules' bedroom and start packing their belongings.]'' :'''Rue''': Jules... Is this a bad idea? :'''Jules''': ''[gets up]'' No. :''[Jules kisses Rue, then resumes packing her duffel bag]'' :'''Rue''': ''[beat; quietly]'' What the fuck? :''[Later, Rue starts having seconds about leaving town just as she and Jules are about to board a train]'' :'''Rue''': Jules, I just realized that I didn't bring my medication. :'''Jules''': We can get medication, like, everywhere. :'''Rue''': Yeah, but I don't think it's–You know, I can't miss a day, you know? :'''Jules''': Rue, we'll figure it out. I promise. :'''Rue''': ''[beat]'' Jules, I don't–I don't think this is a good idea. :'''Jules''': Rue, it was your idea. :'''Rue''': I–I know it was my idea, but I just... I don't think it's a good idea anymore is what I'm trying to tell you. :'''Jules''': It was a fucking great idea. I don't know what you're talking about. :'''Rue''': Can you–Can you slow down? 'Cause I'm thinking, you know, my mom. I don't want her to fuckin' freak out, alright? I don't want– :'''Jules''': Rue, it's not that far, and, like... ''[chuckling]'' We're good. It's... You can–We can call. :'''Rue''': Okay, what am I gotta tell Gia, though, you know? Like, she's gonna wake up in the fuckin' morning. She's gonna think I'm missing. :''[Jules, still holding Rue's hand, gets on the train]'' :'''Jules''': We're good. Come on. It's gonna be amazing. ''[pause; Rue looks wistfully at her]'' Rue! :''[Jules laughs, but notices Rue is on the verge of tears. She realizes that Rue truly doesn't want to run away with her anymore.]'' :'''Jules''': Come on. ''[whispering, as Rue cries]'' Please. I love you. :''[Rue stays behind, even after Jules kisses her hand in one last attempt to convince Rue to join her. Rue solemnly watches the train leave the station.]'' [[Category:Euphoria (American TV series) seasons]] 4nnsklxrxxjuu7jxne6ryrh8anrf3jt 0 284578 3949198 3946536 2026-06-05T13:44:17Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949198 wikitext text/x-wiki '''''[[w:Caillou|Caillou (1997)]]''''' (pre-produced 1993-2002, produced: 1996-2002, aired: 1997-2003 (original); pre-produced: 2002-2006; produced: 2005-2006, aired: 2006-2007 (first revival); pre-produced: 2006-2011; produced: 2009-2011, aired: 2010-2011 (second revival) (classic) (original); pre-produced: 1996-2003, produced: 1999-2003, aired: 2000-2003 (original); pre-produced: 2002-2007; produced: 2005-2007; 2006-2007 (first revival); pre-produced: 2009-2013; produced: 2012-2013; aired: 2013 (second revival) (official) (PBS)) is a French (Seasons 1-5) (1997-2003, 2006-2007, 2010-2011)-English (Seasons 1-5) (1997-2003, 2006-2007, 2010-2011)-Chinese (Season 3) (2002-2003)-Afrikaans (Season 5) (2010-2011)-Zulu (Season 5) (2010-2011)-Xhosa (Season 5) (2010-2011)-Tswana (Season 5) (2010-2011)-Tsonga (Season 5) (2010-2011)-Swati (Season 5) (2010-2011)-Venda (Season 5) (2010-2011) language Canadian (Seasons 1-5) (1997-2003, 2006-2007, 2010-2011)-Quebecois (Seasons 1-5) (1997-2003, 2006-2007, 2010-2011)-American (Seasons 2-4) (2000-2003, 2006-2007)-Mandarin Chinese (Season 3) (2002-2003)-Chinese (Season 3) (2002-2003)-Hong Kong Cantonese (Season 3) (2002-2003)-South African (Season 5) (2010-2011) preschool 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (Seasons 1-3) (1997-2003) (traditional, hand-inked, and hand-painted, and hand-colored cel animation (Season 1) (1997-1999)/digital inking-and-painting, and coloring animation (Seasons 1-3) (1997-2003))/2D Flash animation (Seasons 4-5) (2006-2007, 2010-2011) (Adobe Flash (Season 4) (2006-2007)/Adobe Flash Professional (Season 4) (2006-2007)/Adobe Flash Player (Season 4) (2006-2007))/Toon Boom Animation (Season 5) (2010-2011) (Toon Boom Harmony (Season 5) (2010-2011))/Stop-motion (Season 5) (2010-2011)/Object animation (Season 5) (2010-2011)/Cutout animation (Season 5) (2010-2011)/Puppet animation (Season 5) (2010-2011))-live-action (Seasons 1-3) (1997-2003) educational television series where an imaginative 4-year old boy learns lessons and searches around him. The show was produced by Caillou Productions (Season 1) (1997-1999)/Four Me Productions (Seasons 2-3) (2000-2003), a subsidiary of CINAR (Seasons 1-3) (1997-2003) (CINAR Films (Season 1) (1997-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-3) (2000-2003)) in Canada, and Quebec, and later 9 Story Entertainment (Season 4) (2006-2007) (after CINAR was rebranded as Cookie Jar between 2004 and 2006), and Nelvana (Season 4) (2006-2007) in Canada, and Quebec, and 9161-0345 Quebec (Season 5) (2010-2011), a subsidiary corporation of Sardine Productions (Season 5) (2010-2011) in Canada, and Quebec, and was co-produced by Shanghai Animation Film Studio (Season 3) (2002-2003) in China, and Mainland China, and Animation Services (Hong Kong), Ltd. (Season 3) (2002-2003) in China, Mainland China, and Hong Kong, and later Clockwork Zoo (Season 5) (2010-2011) in South Africa, and was distributed by CINAR (Seasons 1-3) (1997-2003) (CINAR Films (Season 1) (1997-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-3) (2000-2003)) in Canada, and Quebec, and later 9 Story Entertainment (Season 4) (2006-2007) (after CINAR was rebranded as Cookie Jar between 2004 and 2006), and Nelvana (Season 4) (2006-2007) in Canada, and Quebec, and was aired on Teletoon (Seasons 1-4) (1997-2003, 2006-2007) in French, and English, in Canada, and in French, in Quebec, Tele-Quebec (Seasons 1-4) (1997-2003, 2006-2007) in French, in Canada, and Quebec, and Citytv (Seasons 1-4) (1997-2003, 2006), and CTV Television Network (Seasons 1-4) (1997-2003, 2006-2007) in English, in Canada, and later on TFO (Mega TFO) (Season 5) (2010-2011), and TV5 Quebec Canada (Season 5) (2010-2011) in French, in Canada, and Quebec, and Global Television Network (Season 5) (2010-2011), TVOntario/TVO (TVOKids) (Season 5) (2010-2011), and Treehouse TV (Season 5) (2010-2011) in English, in Canada, and later aired on PBS (PBS Kids) (Seasons 1-6) (2000-2003, 2006-2007, 2013) (PBS Kids Go! (Seasons 3-6) (2006-2007, 2013), and PBS Kids Preschool Block (Seasons 4-6) (2006-2007, 2013)) in English, in the United States, and was debuted on September 15, 1997, and ended on January 18, 2002, for the original series, for the classic series, for the original series, and was later debuted on January 13, 2006, and ended on January 22, 2006, for the first revival series, for the classic series, for the original series, and then was debuted on September 11, 2010, and ended on September 23, 2010, for the second revival series, for the classic series, for the original series, and later debuted on September 4, 2000, and ended on January 5, 2003, for the original series, for the official series, for the PBS series, and was later debuted on April 1, 2006, and ended on September 28, 2006, for the first revival series, for the official series, for the PBS series, and then was debuted March 11, 2013, and ended on March 17, 2013, for the second revival series, for the official series, for the PBS series. The show was aimed at toddlers, and from ages 2 to 5, but at adults (for banned/censored episodes/segments, giving awful TV ratings, for adults, from ages 18 to 21, with too inappropriate contents ranging in strongest violence, bullying, and stronger profane language), and from ages 18 to 21 (for banned/censored episodes/segments, giving awful TV ratings, for adults, from ages 18 to 21).<br>'''''[[w:Caillou|Caillou's New Adventures]]''''' (2016-2023) is a French-English language Canadian-Quebecois preschool 2D animated (2D Flash animation) educational web series. The show was produced by DHX Media (DHX Studios, and WildBrain) (Seasons 1-2) (2016-2019) in Canada, and Quebec, 9 Story Media Group (Seasons 3-5) (2018-2023) in Canada, and Quebec, and Nelvana (Seasons 3-5) (2019-2023) in Canada, and Quebec, and was distributed by DHX Media (DHX Studios, and WildBrain) (Seasons 1-2) (2016-2019) in Canada, and Quebec, 9 Story Media Group (Seasons 3-5) (2018-2023) in Canada, and Quebec, and Nelvana (Seasons 3-5) (2019-2023) in Canada, and Quebec, and was streamed on YouTube (YouTube Kids (Seasons 1-5) (2016-2023), and WildBrain (Seasons 1-2) (2016-2019)), and was debuted on November 24, 2016, and ended on August 18, 2023, for the third revival series. The show was aimed at toddlers, and from ages 2 to 5.<br>'''''[[w:Caillou|Caillou (2024)]]''''' (2022 (specials), 2024 (series)) is a French-English language Canadian-Quebecois-British-American-French preschool 3D animated (3D CGI animation) educational television series reboot. The show was produced by Mainframe Studios in Canada, and Quebec, and Splash Entertainment in the United States, and the United Kingdom, Cyber Group Studios in France, Cyber Group Studios USA in the United States, and CyberSplash Entertainment in France, the United States, and the United Kingdom, and aired on Peacock (Peacock Kids) in English, in the United States, and Family Jr. in English, in Canada, and Telemagino in French, and in Canada, and Quebec, and was debuted on February 15, 2024, and ended on December 5, 2024, for the reboot, and fourth revival series. The show was aimed at toddlers, and from ages 2 to 5. ==Seasons== ===Original series (1997-2003, 2006-2007, 2010-2011)=== ====Classic series (1997-2003, 2006-2007, 2010-2011)==== =====Original series (1997-2003)===== * [[Caillou (Season 1)|Season 1]] (1997-1999) * [[Caillou (Season 2)|Season 2]] (2000-2001) * [[Caillou (Season 3)|Season 3]] (2002-2003) * [[Caillou's Holiday Movie]] (2003) =====Revival series (2006-2007, 2010-2011)===== ======First revival series (2006-2007)====== * [[Caillou (Season 4)|Season 4]] (2006-2007) ======Second revival series (2010-2011)====== * [[Caillou (Season 5)|Season 5]] (2010-2011) ===PBS series (2000-2003 (Original), 2006-2007, 2013 (Revival))=== ====Original series (2000-2003)==== * [[Caillou (Season 1) (PBS)|Season 1]] (2000-2001) * [[Caillou (Season 2) (PBS)|Season 2]] (2000-2001) * [[Caillou (Season 3) (PBS)|Season 3]] (2003) * [[Caillou's Holiday Movie]] (2003) ====Revival series (2006-2007, 2013)==== =====First revival series (2006-2007)===== * [[Caillou (Season 4) (PBS)|Season 4]] (2006-2007) * [[Caillou (Season 5) (PBS)|Season 5]] (2006-2007) =====Second revival series (2013)===== * [[Caillou (Season 6) (PBS)|Season 6]] (2013) ===Third revival series (2016-2023)=== ====Caillou's New Adventures (2016-2023)==== * [[Caillou's New Adventures (Season 1)|Season 1]] (2016-2018) * [[Caillou's New Adventures (Season 2)|Season 2]] (2018-2019) * [[Caillou's New Adventures (Season 3)|Season 3]] (2018-2021) * [[Caillou's New Adventures (Season 4)|Season 4]] (2020-2021) * [[Caillou's New Adventures (Season 5)|Season 5]] (2022-2023) ===Reboot series (2022, 2024)=== ====Fourth revival series (2022, 2024)==== * [[Caillou: Rosie the Giant]] (2022) * [[Caillou: Adventures with Grandma and Grandpa]] (2022) * [[Caillou: The Bravest Wolf Boy]] (2022) * [[Caillou: The Silver Knight]] (2022) * [[Caillou's Perfect Christmas]] (2022) * [[Caillou (2024) (Season 1)|Season 1]] (2024) ==External links== * {{IMDb title|id=0262153|title=Caillou}} [[Category:Canadian preschool education TV shows]] 276egz8vcaupjt6y9jxvolb8v9d3vw1 3949239 3949198 2026-06-05T15:06:12Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949239 wikitext text/x-wiki '''''[[w:Caillou|Caillou (1997)]]''''' (pre-produced 1993-2002, produced: 1996-2002, aired: 1997-2003 (original); pre-produced: 2002-2006; produced: 2005-2006, aired: 2006-2007 (first revival); pre-produced: 2006-2011; produced: 2009-2011, aired: 2010-2011 (second revival) (classic) (original); pre-produced: 1996-2003, produced: 1999-2003, aired: 2000-2003 (original); pre-produced: 2002-2007; produced: 2005-2007; 2006-2007 (first revival); pre-produced: 2009-2013; produced: 2012-2013; aired: 2013 (second revival) (official) (PBS)) is a French (Seasons 1-5) (1997-2003, 2006-2007, 2010-2011)-English (Seasons 1-5) (1997-2003, 2006-2007, 2010-2011)-Chinese (Season 3) (2002-2003)-Afrikaans (Season 5) (2010-2011)-Zulu (Season 5) (2010-2011)-Xhosa (Season 5) (2010-2011)-Tswana (Season 5) (2010-2011)-Tsonga (Season 5) (2010-2011)-Swati (Season 5) (2010-2011)-Venda (Season 5) (2010-2011) language Canadian (Seasons 1-5) (1997-2003, 2006-2007, 2010-2011)-Quebecois (Seasons 1-5) (1997-2003, 2006-2007, 2010-2011)-American (Seasons 2-4) (2000-2003, 2006-2007)-Mandarin Chinese (Season 3) (2002-2003)-Chinese (Season 3) (2002-2003)-Hong Kong Cantonese (Season 3) (2002-2003)-South African (Season 5) (2010-2011) preschool 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (Seasons 1-3) (1997-2003) (traditional, hand-inked, and hand-painted, and hand-colored cel animation (Season 1) (1997-1999)/digital inking-and-painting, and coloring animation (Seasons 1-3) (1997-2003))/2D Flash animation (Seasons 4-5) (2006-2007, 2010-2011) (Adobe Flash (Season 4) (2006-2007)/Adobe Flash Professional (Season 4) (2006-2007)/Adobe Flash Player (Season 4) (2006-2007))/Toon Boom Animation (Season 5) (2010-2011) (Toon Boom Harmony (Season 5) (2010-2011))/Stop-motion (Season 5) (2010-2011)/Object animation (Season 5) (2010-2011)/Cutout animation (Season 5) (2010-2011)/Puppet animation (Season 5) (2010-2011))-live-action (Seasons 1-3) (1997-2003) educational television series where an imaginative 4-year old boy learns lessons and searches around him. The show was produced by Caillou Productions (Season 1) (1997-1999)/Four Me Productions (Seasons 2-3) (2000-2003), a subsidiary of CINAR (Seasons 1-3) (1997-2003) (CINAR Films (Season 1) (1997-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-3) (2000-2003)) in Canada, and Quebec, and later 9 Story Entertainment (Season 4) (2006-2007) (after CINAR was rebranded as Cookie Jar between 2004 and 2006), and Nelvana (Season 4) (2006-2007) in Canada, and Quebec, and 9161-0345 Quebec (Season 5) (2010-2011), a subsidiary corporation of Sardine Productions (Season 5) (2010-2011) in Canada, and Quebec, and was co-produced by Shanghai Animation Film Studio (Season 3) (2002-2003) in China, and Mainland China, and Animation Services (Hong Kong), Ltd. (Season 3) (2002-2003) in China, Mainland China, and Hong Kong, and later Clockwork Zoo (Season 5) (2010-2011) in South Africa, and was distributed by CINAR (Seasons 1-3) (1997-2003) (CINAR Films (Season 1) (1997-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-3) (2000-2003)) in Canada, and Quebec, and later 9 Story Entertainment (Season 4) (2006-2007) (after CINAR was rebranded as Cookie Jar between 2004 and 2006), and Nelvana (Season 4) (2006-2007) in Canada, and Quebec, and was aired on Teletoon (Seasons 1-4) (1997-2003, 2006-2007) in French, and English, in Canada, and in French, in Quebec, Tele-Quebec (Seasons 1-4) (1997-2003, 2006-2007) in French, in Canada, and Quebec, and Citytv (Seasons 1-4) (1997-2003, 2006), and CTV Television Network (Seasons 1-4) (1997-2003, 2006-2007) in English, in Canada, and later on TFO (Mega TFO) (Season 5) (2010-2011), and TV5 Quebec Canada (Season 5) (2010-2011) in French, in Canada, and Quebec, and Global Television Network (Season 5) (2010-2011), TVOntario/TVO (TVOKids) (Season 5) (2010-2011), and Treehouse TV (Season 5) (2010-2011) in English, in Canada, and later aired on PBS (PBS Kids) (Seasons 1-6) (2000-2003, 2006-2007, 2013) (PBS Kids Go! (Seasons 3-6) (2006-2007, 2013), and PBS Kids Preschool Block (Seasons 4-6) (2006-2007, 2013)) in English, in the United States, and was debuted on September 15, 1997, and ended on January 18, 2002, for the original series, for the classic series, for the original series, and was later debuted on January 13, 2006, and ended on January 22, 2006, for the first revival series, for the classic series, for the original series, and then was debuted on September 11, 2010, and ended on September 23, 2010, for the second revival series, for the classic series, for the original series, and later debuted on September 4, 2000, and ended on January 5, 2003, for the original series, for the official series, for the PBS series, and was later debuted on April 1, 2006, and ended on September 28, 2006, for the first revival series, for the official series, for the PBS series, and then was debuted March 11, 2013, and ended on March 17, 2013, for the second revival series, for the official series, for the PBS series. The show was aimed at toddlers, and from ages 2 to 5, but at adults (for banned/censored episodes/segments, giving awful TV ratings, for adults, from ages 19 to 22, with too inappropriate contents ranging in strongest violence, bullying, and stronger profane language), and from ages 19 to 22 (for banned/censored episodes/segments, giving awful TV ratings, for adults, from ages 19 to 22).<br>'''''[[w:Caillou|Caillou's New Adventures]]''''' (2016-2023) is a French-English language Canadian-Quebecois preschool 2D animated (2D Flash animation) educational web series. The show was produced by DHX Media (DHX Studios, and WildBrain) (Seasons 1-2) (2016-2019) in Canada, and Quebec, 9 Story Media Group (Seasons 3-5) (2018-2023) in Canada, and Quebec, and Nelvana (Seasons 3-5) (2019-2023) in Canada, and Quebec, and was distributed by DHX Media (DHX Studios, and WildBrain) (Seasons 1-2) (2016-2019) in Canada, and Quebec, 9 Story Media Group (Seasons 3-5) (2018-2023) in Canada, and Quebec, and Nelvana (Seasons 3-5) (2019-2023) in Canada, and Quebec, and was streamed on YouTube (YouTube Kids (Seasons 1-5) (2016-2023), and WildBrain (Seasons 1-2) (2016-2019)), and was debuted on November 24, 2016, and ended on August 18, 2023, for the third revival series. The show was aimed at toddlers, and from ages 2 to 5.<br>'''''[[w:Caillou|Caillou (2024)]]''''' (2022 (specials), 2024 (series)) is a French-English language Canadian-Quebecois-British-American-French preschool 3D animated (3D CGI animation) educational television series reboot. The show was produced by Mainframe Studios in Canada, and Quebec, and Splash Entertainment in the United States, and the United Kingdom, Cyber Group Studios in France, Cyber Group Studios USA in the United States, and CyberSplash Entertainment in France, the United States, and the United Kingdom, and aired on Peacock (Peacock Kids) in English, in the United States, and Family Jr. in English, in Canada, and Telemagino in French, and in Canada, and Quebec, and was debuted on February 15, 2024, and ended on December 5, 2024, for the reboot, and fourth revival series. The show was aimed at toddlers, and from ages 2 to 5. ==Seasons== ===Original series (1997-2003, 2006-2007, 2010-2011)=== ====Classic series (1997-2003, 2006-2007, 2010-2011)==== =====Original series (1997-2003)===== * [[Caillou (Season 1)|Season 1]] (1997-1999) * [[Caillou (Season 2)|Season 2]] (2000-2001) * [[Caillou (Season 3)|Season 3]] (2002-2003) * [[Caillou's Holiday Movie]] (2003) =====Revival series (2006-2007, 2010-2011)===== ======First revival series (2006-2007)====== * [[Caillou (Season 4)|Season 4]] (2006-2007) ======Second revival series (2010-2011)====== * [[Caillou (Season 5)|Season 5]] (2010-2011) ===PBS series (2000-2003 (Original), 2006-2007, 2013 (Revival))=== ====Original series (2000-2003)==== * [[Caillou (Season 1) (PBS)|Season 1]] (2000-2001) * [[Caillou (Season 2) (PBS)|Season 2]] (2000-2001) * [[Caillou (Season 3) (PBS)|Season 3]] (2003) * [[Caillou's Holiday Movie]] (2003) ====Revival series (2006-2007, 2013)==== =====First revival series (2006-2007)===== * [[Caillou (Season 4) (PBS)|Season 4]] (2006-2007) * [[Caillou (Season 5) (PBS)|Season 5]] (2006-2007) =====Second revival series (2013)===== * [[Caillou (Season 6) (PBS)|Season 6]] (2013) ===Third revival series (2016-2023)=== ====Caillou's New Adventures (2016-2023)==== * [[Caillou's New Adventures (Season 1)|Season 1]] (2016-2018) * [[Caillou's New Adventures (Season 2)|Season 2]] (2018-2019) * [[Caillou's New Adventures (Season 3)|Season 3]] (2018-2021) * [[Caillou's New Adventures (Season 4)|Season 4]] (2020-2021) * [[Caillou's New Adventures (Season 5)|Season 5]] (2022-2023) ===Reboot series (2022, 2024)=== ====Fourth revival series (2022, 2024)==== * [[Caillou: Rosie the Giant]] (2022) * [[Caillou: Adventures with Grandma and Grandpa]] (2022) * [[Caillou: The Bravest Wolf Boy]] (2022) * [[Caillou: The Silver Knight]] (2022) * [[Caillou's Perfect Christmas]] (2022) * [[Caillou (2024) (Season 1)|Season 1]] (2024) ==External links== * {{IMDb title|id=0262153|title=Caillou}} [[Category:Canadian preschool education TV shows]] lrxqag4rh990uc7qk3zyjxqiy3dl7pf 3949273 3949239 2026-06-05T17:03:56Z 03isrflo62410 1485946 RAAAAAAAAGH NO NO NO NO NO NO WHY CAN'T I STOP THIS FUCKING TYRANNY?! MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!! 3949273 wikitext text/x-wiki '''''[[w:Caillou|Caillou]]''''' (1997-2010) is a Canadian animated children's television series. ==Seasons== ===Original series (1997-2003, 2006-2011)=== ====Classic series (1997-2003, 2006-2011)==== =====Original series (1997-2003)===== * [[Caillou (Season 1)|Season 1]] (1997-1998) * [[Caillou (Season 2)|Season 2]] (2000) * [[Caillou (Season 3)|Season 3]] (2002-2003) * [[Caillou's Holiday Movie]] (2003) =====Revival series (2006-2011)===== * [[Caillou (Season 4)|Season 4]] (2006) * [[Caillou (Season 5)|Season 5]] (2010-2011) ===PBS series (1999 (Pilot (Unaired)); 2000-2003 (Original), 2006-2013 (Revival) (Official))=== ====Pilot (1999) (Unaired)==== * [[Caillou (Pilot) (PBS)|Pilot]] (1999) (Unaired) ====Official series (2000-2003, 2006-2013)==== =====Original series (2000-2003)===== * [[Caillou (Season 1) (PBS)|Season 1]] (2000-2001) * [[Caillou (Seasons 1-2) (PBS)|Seasons 1-2]] (2000-2002) * [[Caillou (Seasons 2-3) (PBS)|Seasons 2-3]] (2003) * [[Caillou's Holiday Movie]] (2003) =====Revival series (2006-2013)===== * [[Caillou (Seasons 3-4) (PBS)|Seasons 3-4]] (2006-2007) * [[Caillou (Seasons 4-5) (PBS)|Seasons 4-5]] (2006-2007) * [[Caillou (Seasons 4-6) (PBS)|Seasons 4-6]] (2013) ==External links== * {{IMDb title|id=0262153|title=Caillou}} hen8eh46zgifuy2t6r8bpzycgjio4i1 0 287100 3949275 3681878 2026-06-05T17:06:18Z ~2026-33493-72 3336884 /* Quotes */ 3949275 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Anthony Colin Joseph Fisher|Anthony Colin Joseph Fisher]]''' (10 March 1960) is an Australian prelate of the Catholic Church who serves as the archbishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Sydney|Archdiocese of Sydney]]. == Quotes == * I note that a common but faulty view is that, like a satellite navigator, conscience gives us directions from outside our own moral reasoning. The classical Christian conception of conscience is of the natural perception of basic moral principles, their application in particular circumstances, and the final judgment about what is to be (or has been) done. Without shared objective principles, "conscientious" belief becomes window-dressing for the raw expression of preference or power. But conscience must be both well-informed and well-formed if it is to be a reliable guide to action. ** [https://www.fides.org/en/news/9001-VATICAN_Indicate_the_foundation_specificity_and_duties_of_a_conscience_illuminated_by_the_faith_but_aware_of_the_necessity_to_dialogue_with_the_secular_and_pluralist_world_of_cultures_aim_of_13th_general_assembly_of_the_Pontifical_Academy “Indicate the foundation, specificity and duties of a conscience, illuminated by the faith, but aware of the necessity to dialogue with the secular and pluralist world of cultures” aim of 13th general assembly of the Pontifical Academy (21 February 2007) ''Fides News Agency''] *Let us kneel before the God who made us. :*[https://catholicweekly.com.au/adoring-the-eucharistic-lord-let-us-kneel-before-the-god-who-made-us/ Adoring the Eucharistic Lord: “Let us kneel before the God who made us”], June 3, 2026. == External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{commonscat|Anthony Fisher}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Fisher, Anthony Colin Joseph}} [[Category:1960 births]] [[Category:People from New South Wales]] [[Category:Catholics from Australia]] [[Category:Roman Catholic archbishops]] [[Category:Living people]] gdhwtrzzhik0o5t98ubo7hl0irmiahz 0 287900 3949478 3817420 2026-06-06T07:56:08Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 3949478 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''{{w|Scooby-Doo Meets the Boo Brothers}}''''' is a 1987 animated made-for-television film produced by Hanna-Barbera for syndication as part of the Hanna-Barbera Superstars 10 series. {{film-stub}} == {{w|Shaggy Rogers}} == * Let me get this straight. You guys are g-g-ghost exterminators? * Like wow so this guy is your brother. == {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} == * The Ape in here he's alive. == {{w|Scrappy-Doo}} == * From Uncle Scooby. == Sheriff Rufus Buzby == * This is my twin brother TJ. He likes to dress up in a sheriff's uniform and answer calls on an illegal radio. Your call for help must've led him right to the treasure. ''[to TJ]'' TJ, this masquerade is now over. ==Dialogue== :'''Shaggy''': Let me get this straight. You guys are g-g-ghost exterminators? :'''Freako''': That's right mac, the Boo Brothers. If they're hauntin', we're huntin'. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaggy''': Help! A monster's got me! :'''Sadie Mae Scroggins''': ''[Giggles]'' I'm no monster. :'''Shaggy''': Says you! ==Cast== * {{w|Don Messick}} - Scooby-Doo / Scrappy-Doo * {{w|Casey Kasem}} - Shaggy * {{w|Sorrell Booke}} - Sheriff Rufus Buzby and T.J. Buzby * {{w|William Callaway}} - Billy Bob Scroggins, Beauregard's Ghost, Ape, Ghost in Attic, and Headless Horseman * {{w|Victoria Carroll}} - Sadie Mae Scroggins * {{w|Jerry Houser}} - Meako * {{w|Arte Johnson}} - Farquard and Skull Ghost * {{w|Rob Paulsen}} - Shreako and Dispatcher * {{w|Michael Rye}} - Mayor * {{w|Ronnie Schell}} - Freako and Demonstrator Ghost * {{w|Hamilton Camp}} - Ghostly Laugh * {{w|June Foray}} - Witch ==External links== {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|0189070}} {{Scooby-Doo}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:1987 animated films]] [[Category:1980s American animated films]] [[Category:American animated TV films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo animated films]] [[Category:Films based on animated television series]] 7rw1wfc38zmukqu3lkywkf1xu4vpp9w 3949479 3949478 2026-06-06T07:57:02Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* {{w|Shaggy Rogers}} */ 3949479 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br> '''''{{w|Scooby-Doo Meets the Boo Brothers}}''''' is a 1987 animated made-for-television film produced by Hanna-Barbera for syndication as part of the Hanna-Barbera Superstars 10 series. {{film-stub}} == {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} == * Let me get this straight. You guys are g-g-ghost exterminators? * Like wow so this guy is your brother. == {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} == * The Ape in here he's alive. == {{w|Scrappy-Doo}} == * From Uncle Scooby. == Sheriff Rufus Buzby == * This is my twin brother TJ. He likes to dress up in a sheriff's uniform and answer calls on an illegal radio. Your call for help must've led him right to the treasure. ''[to TJ]'' TJ, this masquerade is now over. ==Dialogue== :'''Shaggy''': Let me get this straight. You guys are g-g-ghost exterminators? :'''Freako''': That's right mac, the Boo Brothers. If they're hauntin', we're huntin'. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaggy''': Help! A monster's got me! :'''Sadie Mae Scroggins''': ''[Giggles]'' I'm no monster. :'''Shaggy''': Says you! ==Cast== * {{w|Don Messick}} - Scooby-Doo / Scrappy-Doo * {{w|Casey Kasem}} - Shaggy * {{w|Sorrell Booke}} - Sheriff Rufus Buzby and T.J. Buzby * {{w|William Callaway}} - Billy Bob Scroggins, Beauregard's Ghost, Ape, Ghost in Attic, and Headless Horseman * {{w|Victoria Carroll}} - Sadie Mae Scroggins * {{w|Jerry Houser}} - Meako * {{w|Arte Johnson}} - Farquard and Skull Ghost * {{w|Rob Paulsen}} - Shreako and Dispatcher * {{w|Michael Rye}} - Mayor * {{w|Ronnie Schell}} - Freako and Demonstrator Ghost * {{w|Hamilton Camp}} - Ghostly Laugh * {{w|June Foray}} - Witch ==External links== {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|0189070}} {{Scooby-Doo}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:1987 animated films]] [[Category:1980s American animated films]] [[Category:American animated TV films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo animated films]] [[Category:Films based on animated television series]] 98fh8l8ly3zlhx83gvx2ec3yf1g9jiy 0 290488 3949185 3944014 2026-06-05T13:29:40Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949185 wikitext text/x-wiki '''''{{w|Larryboy: The Cartoon Adventures}}''''' (2002-2003) is a Christian children's 2D animated religious/superhero/comedy/sci-fi/action/adventure/fantasy series. The show was aimed at older children, and preteens, and from ages 9 to 13. ==Larry-Boy and the Angry Eyebrows== :'''Larry-Boy''': I’m Larry-Boy from Bumblyburg. :'''Scarlet Tomato''': I’m the Scarlet Tomato. I’m from Pugslyville. :'''Larry-Boy''': The Scarlet Tomato? Isn’t that redundant? :'''Scarlet Tomato''': What do you mean? ==Leggo My Ego== :'''Larry-Boy''': Whoever exhausts himself will be humbled and whoever humbles himself will be exhausted. Bok Choy was right. I am exhausted. :'''Bok Choy''': No. It’s whoever humbles himself will be EXALTED! To reverse the damage, you must be mumbled. ==The Yodelnapper== :'''Greta Von Gruesome''': Welcome to my castle. I am Greta Von Gruesome! Cruel ruler of Zucchinia, scourge of Bumblyburg, stealer of all yodelers und a snappy dresser. ==The Good, The Bad and the Eggly== ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:VeggieTales]] oz0jtzx3h23cr3qtg6tuue038yhzi9j 3949186 3949185 2026-06-05T13:31:09Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949186 wikitext text/x-wiki '''''{{w|Larryboy: The Cartoon Adventures}}''''' (2002-2003) is a Christian children's 2D Flash animated religious/superhero/crime/comedy/sci-fi/action/adventure/fantasy series. The show was aimed at older children, and preteens, and from ages 9 to 13. ==Larry-Boy and the Angry Eyebrows== :'''Larry-Boy''': I’m Larry-Boy from Bumblyburg. :'''Scarlet Tomato''': I’m the Scarlet Tomato. I’m from Pugslyville. :'''Larry-Boy''': The Scarlet Tomato? Isn’t that redundant? :'''Scarlet Tomato''': What do you mean? ==Leggo My Ego== :'''Larry-Boy''': Whoever exhausts himself will be humbled and whoever humbles himself will be exhausted. Bok Choy was right. I am exhausted. :'''Bok Choy''': No. It’s whoever humbles himself will be EXALTED! To reverse the damage, you must be mumbled. ==The Yodelnapper== :'''Greta Von Gruesome''': Welcome to my castle. I am Greta Von Gruesome! Cruel ruler of Zucchinia, scourge of Bumblyburg, stealer of all yodelers und a snappy dresser. ==The Good, The Bad and the Eggly== ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Flash animated TV shows]] [[Category:VeggieTales]] cu5npqt6xephm6217ufwxafjkjmtjg1 3949192 3949186 2026-06-05T13:35:59Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 3949192 wikitext text/x-wiki '''''{{w|Larryboy: The Cartoon Adventures}}''''' (2002-2003) is a Christian children's 2D Flash animated religious/superhero/crime/comedy/sci-fi/action/adventure/fantasy series. The show was aimed at older children, and preteens, and from ages 6 to 13. ==Larry-Boy and the Angry Eyebrows== :'''Larry-Boy''': I’m Larry-Boy from Bumblyburg. :'''Scarlet Tomato''': I’m the Scarlet Tomato. I’m from Pugslyville. :'''Larry-Boy''': The Scarlet Tomato? Isn’t that redundant? :'''Scarlet Tomato''': What do you mean? ==Leggo My Ego== :'''Larry-Boy''': Whoever exhausts himself will be humbled and whoever humbles himself will be exhausted. Bok Choy was right. I am exhausted. :'''Bok Choy''': No. It’s whoever humbles himself will be EXALTED! To reverse the damage, you must be mumbled. ==The Yodelnapper== :'''Greta Von Gruesome''': Welcome to my castle. I am Greta Von Gruesome! Cruel ruler of Zucchinia, scourge of Bumblyburg, stealer of all yodelers und a snappy dresser. ==The Good, The Bad and the Eggly== ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Flash animated TV shows]] [[Category:VeggieTales]] s2zh4kol13vcsrexl04t45zsqdhfand 0 291220 3949432 3750836 2026-06-06T06:09:32Z ~2026-33278-11 3337149 3949432 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:DVD-R bottom-side.jpg|thumb]] The '''[[w:DVD|DVD]]''' (common abbreviation for '''digital video disc''' or '''digital versatile disc''') is a [[w:digital media|digital]] [[w:optical disc|optical disc]] [[w:data storage|data storage]] format. It was invented and developed in 1995 and first released on November 1, 1996, in [[Japan]]. The medium can store any kind of [[w:digital data|digital data]] and has been widely used to store video programs (watched using [[w:DVD player|DVD player]]s), software and other computer files. '''''Toy Story/Lilo And Stitch The Little Engine That Could/Jelly Jamm Sam And Max/Pound Puppies Cars/Kim Possible The Little Cars/Noah's Ark Garfield And Friends/Ben 10 The Simpsons/The Fairly Oddparents A Car's Life/Snowden Gumby/Barney Blues Clues/My Little Pony Finding Nemo/Lolirock Monsters Inc/Betsy A Bug's Life/Polly Pocket Chicken Little/Rated A For Awesome Inspector Gadget/Dennis The Menace The Magic School Bus/Nerds And Monsters Hot Wheels/Nina's World Tonka/Being Ian Rudolph/Care Bears Matchbox/Kid VS Kat Tayo/Packages From Planet X Firehouse Tales/Martha Speaks CarGo/Pocket Dragon Adventures Robocar Poli/Mr Hell Show Mickey Mouse/Phineas And Ferb Jakers/Toddworld Gummi Bears/Teen Titans The Life Adventures Of Santa Claus/Strawberry Shortcake Cyberchase/Supernoobs Annabelle's Wish/Fat Dog Mendoza Hot Rod Dogs And Cool Car Cats/Captain Flamingo Looney Tunes/The Powerpuff Girls Jumpstart/16 Hudson Codename Kids Next Door/Ed Edd N Eddy Plonsters/Pucca Koki/Astrolology The Airport Diary/Littlest Pet Shop Spongebob Squarepants/Camp Lazlo The Jetsons/Sonic X Bear In The Big Blue House/Shelldon Wacky Races/Mix Master King Of Cards The Book Of Pooh/Pac Man And The Ghostly Adventures The Flintstones/Hamtaro Animal Jam/Maya The Bee Top Cat/Pokémon Advanced Sesame Street/Weird Oh's Wheelie And The Chopper Bunch/Shakugan No Shana Dr Seuss/Funny Little Bugs The Roman Holidays/Galaxy Angel Fraggle Rock/Casper Jonny Quest/Transformers Animal Show/Barbie Goober And The Ghost Chasers/Popotan It's A Big Big World/Dinosaur Train Hong Kong Phooey/Dokkoida Between The Lions/Bratz Connie The Cow The Koala Brothers/Dangermouse Noddy El Nombre/Massey Ferguson Andy Pandy Bill And Ben/Fimbles Mr Men And Little Miss/Tractor Tom Hi 5 The Greatest Dance Party Ever/Bambaloo Edmark''''' ==Quotes== * '''If you buy a DVD you have a copy. If you want a backup copy you buy another one.''' ** Statement to the Associated Press (November 2003), as quoted in [http://www.cnn.com/2004/TECH/ptech/02/23/dvd.suit.ap/ "DVD-copy program tweaked after court order" at ''CNN.com'' (23 February 2004)] * You can’t expect anything. In the Evil Dead movies you can only expect the unexpected. These were never designed to be a franchise. These were a very slow growing series of movies and the TV show was a natural outgrowth; it made more sense to do a TV show than a 75-million-dollar movie, for example. It’s dictated by economics and look, a lot of the difference between Army Of Darkness and now is that Army Of Darkness flopped, which most people forget; the series was dead after that. It took until the late nineties to rekindle it on DVD, so we’re actually really glad to celebrate the release of the Ash Vs Evil Dead DVD so DVD collectors can add it to the rest of the series. ** [https://www.denofgeek.com/uk/tv/bruce-campbell/43298/bruce-campbell-interview-ash-vs-evil-dead Bruce Campbell interview: Ash Vs Evil Dead] (September 5, 2016) == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:DVD]] [[Category:Optical discs]] 83dplo6cweh1jlwb2zi90r0un4nwdn6 3949436 3949432 2026-06-06T06:13:29Z Saroj 2925457 Reverted edit by [[Special:Contributions/~2026-33278-11|~2026-33278-11]] ([[User talk:~2026-33278-11|talk]]) to last version by UDScott 3750836 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:DVD-R bottom-side.jpg|thumb]] The '''[[w:DVD|DVD]]''' (common abbreviation for '''digital video disc''' or '''digital versatile disc''') is a [[w:digital media|digital]] [[w:optical disc|optical disc]] [[w:data storage|data storage]] format. It was invented and developed in 1995 and first released on November 1, 1996, in [[Japan]]. The medium can store any kind of [[w:digital data|digital data]] and has been widely used to store video programs (watched using [[w:DVD player|DVD player]]s), software and other computer files. ==Quotes== * '''If you buy a DVD you have a copy. If you want a backup copy you buy another one.''' ** Statement to the Associated Press (November 2003), as quoted in [http://www.cnn.com/2004/TECH/ptech/02/23/dvd.suit.ap/ "DVD-copy program tweaked after court order" at ''CNN.com'' (23 February 2004)] * You can’t expect anything. In the Evil Dead movies you can only expect the unexpected. These were never designed to be a franchise. These were a very slow growing series of movies and the TV show was a natural outgrowth; it made more sense to do a TV show than a 75-million-dollar movie, for example. It’s dictated by economics and look, a lot of the difference between Army Of Darkness and now is that Army Of Darkness flopped, which most people forget; the series was dead after that. It took until the late nineties to rekindle it on DVD, so we’re actually really glad to celebrate the release of the Ash Vs Evil Dead DVD so DVD collectors can add it to the rest of the series. ** [https://www.denofgeek.com/uk/tv/bruce-campbell/43298/bruce-campbell-interview-ash-vs-evil-dead Bruce Campbell interview: Ash Vs Evil Dead] (September 5, 2016) == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:DVD]] [[Category:Optical discs]] 7r73xuege469xn3k028xizakbtv4euc 0 291225 3949431 3750841 2026-06-06T06:05:10Z ~2026-33278-11 3337149 3949431 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:VHS-Video-Tape-Top-Flat (cropped).jpg|thumb]] '''[[w:VHS|VHS]]''' (Video Home System) is a discontinued [[w:technical standard|standard]] for consumer-level [[w:analog recording|analog]] [[w:video recording|video recording]] on tape [[w:Videocassette|cassettes]], introduced in 1976 by [[w:JVC|JVC]]. It was the dominant [[w:home video|home video]] format throughout the tape media period throughout the 1980s and 1990s. '''''Busy Buses Colin Needs A Bath VHS Australia Busy Buses Sammy The Acrobatic Bus VHS Australia Busy Buses Sammy's New Friend VHS Australia Here Comes The Teletubbies VHS Australia Dance With The Teletubbies VHS Australia Teletubbies Nursery Rhymes VHS Australia Teletubbies Favourite Things VHS Australia Teletubbies Uh Oh Messes And Muddles VHS Australia Teletubbies Big Hug VHS Australia Teletubbies Musical Playtime VHS Australia Teletubbies In The Snow VHS Australia Teletubbies Animals Big And Small VHS Australia Teletubbies Hands Feet And Dirty Knees VHS Australia Teletubbies What's That VHS Australia Teletubbies Look VHS Australia Teletubbies Hide And Seek VHS Australia Teletubbies Busy Day VHS Australia Teletubbies Again Again VHS Australia Postman Pat's Secret VHS Australia Postman Pat's Rainy Day VHS Australia Postman Pat's Thirsty Day VHS Australia Postman Pat Takes A Message VHS Australia Percy The Park Keeper Volume 1 VHS Australia Percy The Park Keeper Volume 2 VHS Australia Brum At The Seaside VHS Australia Brum Lost Kitten VHS Australia Construction Site Volume 1 VHS Australia Construction Site Volume 2 VHS Australia Construction Site Volume 3 VHS Australia Construction Site Volume 4 VHS Australia Construction Site Volume 5 VHS Australia Construction Site Volume 6 VHS Australia Construction Site Volume 7 VHS Australia Play School Dinosaurs VHS Australia Play School On The Move VHS Australia Play School Everybody Sing VHS Australia Fireman Sam The Hero Next Door VHS Australia Fireman Sam Lost Cat VHS Australia Fireman Sam Treasure Hunt VHS Australia Fireman Sam Fire Safety Special VHS Australia Fireman Sam Spot Of Bother VHS Australia Fireman Sam Brass Band VHS Australia Spot's First Video VHS Australia The Adventures Of Spot VHS Australia Spot Goes To The Farm VHS Australia Magic Mountain Flying Panda VHS Australia Adventures With Yoko Jakamoko Toto VHS Australia Wallace And Gromit A Grand Day Out VHS Australia Wallace And Gromit The Wrong Trousers VHS Australia Wallace And Gromit A Close Shave VHS Australia Bob The Builder Mucky Muck VHS Australia Bob The Builder Skateboard Spud VHS Australia Johnson And Friends Diesel's Taxi VHS Australia Johnson And Friends The Christmas Tree VHS Australia Pingu The Explorer VHS Australia Pingu The Rascal VHS Australia Pingu The Sportsman VHS Australia Pingu And His Family VHS Australia Pingu On His School Outing VHS Australia Pingu And His Friends VHS Australia Boohbah Magic VHS Australia Boohbah Cracker VHS Australia Boohbah Squeaky Socks VHS Australia Old Bear Old Bear VHS Australia Old Bear Little Bear's Trousers VHS Australia Old Bear Little Bear Lost VHS Australia The Hooley Dooleys Ready Set Go VHS Australia The Hooley Dooleys Pop VHS Australia The Hooley Dooleys Keep On Dancing VHS Australia The Hooley Dooleys To The Rescue VHS Australia Bananas In Pyjamas Birthday Special VHS Australia Bananas In Pyjamas Show Business VHS Australia The Hoobs Hello VHS Australia The Hoobs Laughing VHS Australia There Goes A Fire Truck VHS Australia There Goes A Bulldozer VHS Australia There Goes An Airplane VHS Australia There Goes A Train VHS Australia There Goes A Truck VHS Australia There Goes A Boat VHS Australia There Goes A Spaceship VHS Australia There Goes A Monster Truck VHS Australia There Goes A Motorcycle VHS Australia There Goes A Helicopter VHS Australia There Goes Santa Claus VHS Australia''''' {{theme-stub}} ==Quotes== * It is a joy to me that children whose parents are in their thirties or forties become aware that I am in some of the Godzilla films when they see them on VHS tape or laserdisc. Children often point and say, "Hey, it's Uncle Godzilla!" when they see me. It's very heartwarming. ** [[Akira Kubo]], [https://web.archive.org/web/20060220090732/http://www.historyvortex.org/InterviewAkiraKubo.html KAIJU CONVERSATIONS: An Interview with Akira Kubo] (December 1995) == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Technology]] lir9c78b1uy0bdpwn86pp2e2aqvn93a 3949435 3949431 2026-06-06T06:13:14Z Saroj 2925457 Reverted edit by [[Special:Contributions/~2026-33278-11|~2026-33278-11]] ([[User talk:~2026-33278-11|talk]]) to last version by UDScott 3750841 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:VHS-Video-Tape-Top-Flat (cropped).jpg|thumb]] '''[[w:VHS|VHS]]''' (Video Home System) is a discontinued [[w:technical standard|standard]] for consumer-level [[w:analog recording|analog]] [[w:video recording|video recording]] on tape [[w:Videocassette|cassettes]], introduced in 1976 by [[w:JVC|JVC]]. It was the dominant [[w:home video|home video]] format throughout the tape media period throughout the 1980s and 1990s. {{theme-stub}} ==Quotes== * It is a joy to me that children whose parents are in their thirties or forties become aware that I am in some of the Godzilla films when they see them on VHS tape or laserdisc. Children often point and say, "Hey, it's Uncle Godzilla!" when they see me. It's very heartwarming. ** [[Akira Kubo]], [https://web.archive.org/web/20060220090732/http://www.historyvortex.org/InterviewAkiraKubo.html KAIJU CONVERSATIONS: An Interview with Akira Kubo] (December 1995) == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Technology]] hqe5k60di6j6fvtfanq02zdjh9r6dhi 0 298114 3949327 3838317 2026-06-05T21:53:11Z GrimRob 1187925 Adding VFD with [[User:PieWriter/vfd|tool]] 3949327 wikitext text/x-wiki {{vfd-new}} {{people-cleanup}} '''Sophia Alj''' is a Moroccan entrepreneur and the co-founder and COO of Chari, a B2B e-commerce/fintech app that digitises the FMCG procurement process for traditional retail stores in Francophone Africa. == Quotes == * “I’ve always felt that whether you are a man or a woman, it doesn’t make any difference. Our brains work well for both of us. I am a hard worker, and I don’t think my being a woman will hinder my entrepreneurial journey. I think that all other women should think like this and act on this.” [https://www.alxafrica.com/10-african-women-in-tech/] * Thinking it’s easy. I feel people abroad do not realize that these countries can have huge markets in specific industries. The question Y Combinator asks you is, “How are you going to make a billion-dollar company?” And depending on the industry you’re in, honestly, I truly believe that in North Africa, we can make unicorns and billion-dollar companies. [https://restofworld.org/2021/3-minutes-with-sophia-alj/] * We have been trying to establish a completely new way of thinking about grocery shopping. They don’t have to move, but we are bringing them everything they need and ordered to them. It’s a bit of a shift in thinking about procurement that has worked well for us because once you show [customers] they can trust you by delivering on time, delivering at the right price etc, they start using more and more of your service. [https://restofworld.org/2021/3-minutes-with-sophia-alj/] == External links == 6oz8gp0vn7mgftjxsjg7nmu3xhvhgj4 0 300044 3949465 3948876 2026-06-06T07:24:34Z Voltlds 780530 3949465 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|Zootopia 2}}''''' (known as '''''Zootropolis 2''''' in some European countries) is a 2025 American animated [[w:Buddy cop|buddy cop]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]] as well as the studio's 64th feature-length film. A sequel to ''[[Zootopia]]'', it follows Judy Hopps (voiced by [[w: Ginnifer Goodwin|Ginnifer Goodwin]]) and Nick Wilde (voiced by [[w:Jason Bateman|Jason Bateman]]) as they pursue reptile Gary De'Snake (voiced by [[w:Ke Huy Quan|Ke Huy Quan]]) across Zootopia and try to clear their names after being framed. :''Directed by {{w|Jared Bush}} and {{w|Byron Howard}}. Written by Jared Bush.'' {{center|1='''They're back with a twissst.'''}} {{film-stub}} ==Judy Hopps== * Hopps and Wilde in pursuit of suspect! * Stop in the name of the law! * ''[looking around Nick's apartment]'' Yikes... No wonder you never invite me over. ''['''Nick:''' Foxes are solitary.]'' * Stop pulling my ears, stop pulling my ears! Never pull a bunny's ears, never pull a bunny's ears! * We have to solve this case. * You know, I used to dream... of infiltrating a place like this. * Check the perimeter, snoop a little, we find nothing, we bail. But if I'm right, no-one will question whether you and I belong together again. We need this. * We took an oath to protect this city, and justice doesn't run. * The sooner everyone sees a fox and a bunny can be great partners, the better. * Agree to disagree. ==Nick Wilde== * Sorry, could you show me that clip again? Wasn't wearing my glasses. * Play it smart, stay off the radar, and don't let them get to you, okay? 'Cause we are the dream... team. ''[accidentally throws the soda can through the wall]'' Sorry, Paul. ''[Paul frustratedly growls and the soda can sprays him away]'' * No snake has set foot in Zootopia in forever, okay? Even if they had feet. * Well, can't win 'em all. * ''[upon seeing Chief Bogo at the Zootennial Gala]'' Bogo alert. * Oh, is my ''discomfort'' hilarious to you? * Oh my god -- a viper! ''A vindow viper.'' Ja? ''[laughs]'' * You know, this is not your worst idea. ''['''Judy''': Wow, that was almost a compliment.]'' Your worst idea is what you did with your ears. ''[Judy punches him in the stomach]'' * You're the one who said we needed a bust. Just follow my lead, okay? Act casual. * You want to fit in? Commando is not gonna cut it. It's not just the clothes, okay? ''[in a cool tone]'' It is the ''vibe''. * Carrots, hey, I would like to call a partner meeting! * Hey, Flash, Flash, 100-yard dash! Partner's in trouble, need to get across town, ignore the laws. ''['''Flash''': No... problem!]'' ==Gary De'Snake== * I'm really sorry, but this is my family's only chance to return home. * Hurt him? Snakes never hurt anyone. We aren't the bad guys. They are. And this journal holds the secret that will prove it. I have to prove it. Please. This is my only chance to set things right, and when I do, my family will finally be able to come home. * We shall succeed. * Permission to hug? ==Nibbles Maplestick== * If you wanna talk to a reptile, I am your gal. * When Zootopia was founded, this whole neighborhood got cut off from the rest of the town. It's the only place where you can get away with wearing a shirt and no pants. * Breathe it in! * Zootopia has a secret reptile population. * It takes two to tango, but a threesome to be some! * It takes a threesome to be some, but a fourway to bust your doorway! ==Pawbert Lynxley== * ''[to Judy; chuckling as he holds out his paw]'' Paw! Uh, Pawbert. I am Pawbert. Hi. * '''I'M GONNA ''BURN'' IT ALL TO THE''' '''''GROUND!''''' '''I'M A REAL''' '''''LYNXLEY!''''' ''[maniacally laughs before he gets knocked out with a frying pan from behind]'' ==Gazelle== * I will remember you, zebra! * We are with you, Judy Hopps. * We meet again, zebra. * Here come the horns! ==Dialogue== :''[Antony Snootley, the customs inspector, realizing Judy and Nick are cops.]'' :'''Finnick''': ''[spits out his pacifier and looks up at him]'' Toot toot. :'''Antony Snootley''': ''[gasps in panic]'' It's the '''''FUZZ!''''' ''[pushes Nick aside and runs]'' :'''Judy''': Stop! Stop in the name of the law! :'''Antony Snootley''': Everybody run! ''[drives off in the catering van]'' :'''Nick''': Well, can't win 'em all. :''[Behind Nick and Judy, the frantic pig in a hog rod fiercely honks at them.]'' :'''Frantic Pig''': Get outta the road, you dumb bunny! :'''Judy''': ''[scoffs]'' Agree to disagree. <hr width=50%> :''[As Judy and Nick are in Chief Bogo's office, the latter groans, as he and the other ZPD officers are displeased with them ruining Ebenezer Lynxley's statue.]'' :'''Judy''': Sir, today may not have been ideal, but the anteater was captured... :'''Chief Bogo''': By the Zebros! :'''Zebros''': ZEBROS!! ''[they both high-five]'' :'''Chief Bogo''': SHUT IT!!! :'''Zebros''': <small> Zebros... </small> :'''Judy''': It was us. But more importantly, I believe that we have made a significant discovery. ''[opens a case file]'' The stolen van contained a smuggled crate from overseas, pamphlets for the Zootennial, and some type of reptile skin. I've already sent samples for testing. And... :'''Chief Bogo''': ''[slams his hoof down on the case file]'' What needs testing is ''you''! You two tore up ''half the city''! Because of ''you'', we had to call in Jumbo Unit ''[turns on the TV to show a news report of Zeke, a dik-dik struggling in a tuba]'' to remove a '''DIK-DIK FROM A TUBA!!!!''' :'''Otter''': ''[on TV]'' You're almost out! You're gonna be-- :'''Zeke''': ''[on TV; panicked]'' Please no, please NO...! :''[An elephant officer picks up the tuba and blows through it with his trunk, launching Zeke into the air.]'' :'''Otter''': ''[on TV]'' Who's catching him?! :'''Nick''': Sorry. Could you show me that clip again? ''[puts on his pig sunglasses]'' Wasn't wearing my glasses. ''[Judy glares at him]'' :'''Chief Bogo''': Did you or did you not disobey a direct order to ''stand down''?! :'''Judy''': Sir, we were in pursuit, and Article 6, Paragraph B states if the lead officers think that-- :'''Fern Hoggbottom''': ''You'' are not lead officers! You're one-hit wonders who should go back to meter-maiding and sligging Pawpsicles! :'''Nick''': ''If'' I may, I think someone's just jealous that we got to drive the Squealmobile. ''[Fern snorts in shock]'' Or... maybe you thought it was your mama! :''[Fern squeals in anger.]'' :'''Chief Bogo''': ENOUGH!!! Everybody, ''[in high-pitched voice]'' out! :''[The ZPD officers (except Judy and Nick) leave Bogo's office.]'' :'''Chief Bogo''': ''[sighs; to Judy]'' Officer Hopps, despite my best efforts to avoid it, I like you. But this need to... overdo it made both of you a headline today. And it reflects badly on me, on the department, and, frankly, on any bunny hoping to follow in your footsteps. Not every case to going to save the world. :''[Judy comtemplates about what Chief Bogo said, until...]'' :'''Nick''': ''[interrupts]'' Knock, knock. ''[standing next to a waste bin]'' Hi. You know, this kinda... this sounds a lot like a... "just a you guys" conversation, so what I'm gonna do is: I'm gonna go ahead and... ''[prepares to leave]'' :'''Chief Bogo''': ''[rolls his eyes]'' Is there a reason why you don't take ''anything'' seriously? :'''Nick''': Jokes are a classic defensive mechanism for someone with a traumatic childhood. :'''Chief Bogo''': ''[glares at Nick]'' Would you like a traumatic ''adulthood''? :'''Nick''': ''[opens his mouth to retort before removing his glasses and backing away]'' I would not. :'''Chief Bogo''': I allowed you to work together because you did this city a great service, but today, you messed it all up. And now, some are questioning whether you should have been partners in the first place. :'''Judy''': But, sir... :'''Chief Bogo''': So, instead of chasing imaginary reptiles, I am pulling you from the field... :'''Judy''': ''[shocked]'' What?! ''[Nick frowns]'' :'''Chief Bogo''': ...and giving you a new assignment, reserved for special teams like yourselves. Fail at this, and I will have no choice but to ''split you up''. There will be no more Hopps and Wilde. ''[Judy and Nick exchange worried glances]'' But... if you're as good as you think you are, ''[gives Nick the flyer]'' this is your moment to shine. ''[shuts the door]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Judy and Nick are in Partners in Crisis with Dr. Fuzzby, the ZPD quokka therapist, and the other officers.]'' :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': Welcome to Partners in Crisis, a workshop for duos heading for disaster. ''[chuckles]'' I am your therapy animal, Dr. Fuzzby, and you are here because mismatched pairings often need a little more work to make them... work. :''[An armadillo officer, Greg is grooming his partner's fur, picking out bugs. His partner, Marlon Grizzby, is gesturing in a way showing he's uncomfortable.]'' :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': Greg, we talked about that. :''[Greg pauses and stops grooming Marlon, sighing and groaning.]'' :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': What are we making Marlon? Uncomfortable. Yes. :''[An elephant officer, Francine, screams when she see a mouse, Clark.]'' :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': And Francine, Clark may be a mouse, but he is your partner first. :''[Officer Clark squeaks, and Francine hits her forehead.]'' :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': And we have two new ''“apart-ners.”'' :''[All the officers look at Judy and Nick.]'' :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': ''[to Judy]'' Can you tell us about your journey to ''dysfunction junction''? :'''Judy''': ''[looks around awkwardly]'' Well, we’ve been official partners for one week, ''[poking Nick]'' happy anni-versa-ry! And we're not dysfunctional at all, actually. Functioning fine - better than fine! And we ''did'' sorta save the city, so us being here kinda seems like a ''huge'' misunderstanding. :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': ''[nodding; to the rest of the group]'' Notice how she answered first, did not allow her partner to speak, seems to be in a state of denial, ''[Judy looks at her disturbingly]'' and taps her foot when she's suppressing discomfort. :''[Judy notices her foot is tapping and stops it. Nick smiles and chuckles]'' :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': ''[notices]'' And observe the source of her discomfort, represented by the disconnected affectation of her emotionally-insecure partner. :''[Nick frowns as Judy smirks at him]'' :'''Marlon''': Oh... :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': But with hard work, they'll be on the same page by year two! ''[Judy and Nick stare confusedly]'' But for now, let's begin by greeting our teammate. Who'd like to go first? ''[Joel, an elk, raises his hoof]'' Thank you, Joel. :''[Joel smiles at Karen, a honey badger, who proceeds to choke him]'' :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': Okay, unfortunately, Karen has chosen to see Joel's smile as a sign of aggression. ''[starts spraying]'' Hackles down, Karen. Karen, hackles down. ''[singing]'' Joel, the safe word is "coconut". :'''Joel''': ''[while Karen chokes him]'' Coconut! '''Coconut'''! :''[Nick and Judy exchange shocked looks]'' :'''Judy Hopps''': We have to set another meeting with the chief. Promise we’ll be better. ''[as she opens her locker, she finds it filled with insults about the pursuit, courtesy of the Zebros, she glares at them in annoyance]'' :'''Zebros''': ''[arrogantly]'' (In your face, loser.) Zebros. ''[high-hoof each other in terrible pride]'' <hr width=50%> :''[As Judy and Nick leave the ZPD building, the other officers mock them for destroying Ebenezer Lynxley's statue]'' :'''Gene Zebrowski''': ''[mockingly]'' Look, everybody! Roll out the red carpet, here's the Super Cops! Woo! :'''Higgins''': Ça marche! Allonzi! :'''Bloats''': Woo! :'''Sheep cop''': Fox and bunny! :'''Gene Zebraxton''': Hey, what does the fox say? You suck! :''[Upon realizing Zebraxton insulted Nick, Judy tries to confront him about it]'' :'''Nick''': ''[fondly pushes Judy away]'' Easy, partner. ''[leaves the building with Judy]'' Let me ask you somethin': Do you think we're a good team? :'''Judy''': Of course! I just... I just wish I knew what we had to do to ''prove'' it to everyone else. :'''Nick''': Or... maybe we don't have to prove anything to anybody. :''[Judy and Nick look behind them, seeing the ZPD officers still taunting them from behind the door]'' :'''Judy''': Hm... ''[smiles]'' We do. Forever. ''[throws a "Partnership for Dummies" book to Nick]'' :'''Nick''': ''[catches the book]'' Oof! ''[gazes at the book curiously]'' :'''Judy''': And the sooner everyone ''[as Nick gazes at her]'' sees a fox and a bunny can be great partners, the better. ''[walks away as Nick amorously gazes at the book]'' Enjoy it! I got two! :'''Nick''': ''[singing]'' I'd rather chew off my own arm. :'''Judy''': ''[waving from a distance]'' Happy anniversary! :''[Nick stares at the book Judy gave him, scoffing softly as he leaves]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Gary De'Snake reveals himself in front of everyone at the Zootennial Gala]'' :'''Mayor Winddancer''': '''''THERE'S A SNAKE!!!!!''''' :''[The Zootopians start running and screaming]'' <hr width=50%> :''[During the chase scene at the Lynxley Manor, a lion chef's hat is knocked off, revealing [[w:Ratatouille (film)|a rat/mouse controlling him by pulling his mane.]]]'' :'''French Chef''': ''[gasps; points at the lion]'' I knew it! <hr width=50%> :''[After Judy and Nick escape from the Lynxley Manor, Milton questions Mayor Winddancer. Cattrick and Kitty face him as well, standing on either side of Milton.]'' :'''Mayor Winddancer''': Uh, we, uh... We're gonna take that snake down. :'''Milton Lynxley''': ''[angrily]'' And the fox and that ''rabbit!'' Do you know how many mayors they've already destroyed? :'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[thinks while tapping the floor two times with his back hoof]'' 1, 2... I got up to 2. :'''Milton Lynxley''': Would you like to be 3?! ''[Mayor Winddancer shakes his head "no"]'' I want them gone! :'''Mayor Winddancer''': But aren't there... ''laws?'' :'''Milton Lynxley''': ''[coming closer to Winddancer]'' I will say this once, ''Brian.'' You will retrieve the journal and bury them. Or maybe I chose the wrong mayor. Did I choose the wrong mayor? :'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[gulps]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Mr. Big’s polar bears, Raymond and Kevin, put Judy and Nick in the trunk of his limousine and take them to Fru Fru"s purse warehouse.]'' :'''Fru Fru''': Welcome to my warehouse! ''[to Judy]'' Oh my god, I love your dress. :'''Judy''': Oh, thank you. :'''Mr. Big''': Fru Fru and I are now equal partners in the family business. She brings wonderful ideas for crime and for fashion, while I get more time to focus on what matters most: Being grand-papa to my little Judith. :''[Fru Fru's daughter, a toddler shrew named Judith, walks over.]'' :'''Judith''': ''[holds out her hand, wearing a candy ring on one of her fingers]'' Kiss my ring! :''[Nick smiles at Judy, chuckling in amusement.]'' :'''Mr. Big''': '''KISS THE STINKING RING RIGHT NOW! KISS IT!''' :'''Fru Fru''': '''KISS IT! YOU KISS IT RIGHT NOW! KISS IT!''' :''[Nick quickly and awkwardly kisses Judith's ring.]'' :'''Judith''': Nonno, you said we were gonna make cement shoes for Mr. Weaselton. :'''Mr. Big''': Ah, that's my girl. ''[Judith grins maliciously]'' :'''Nick''': They grow up so fast. :'''Mr. Big''': '''YOU RUN YOUR MOUTH TOO MUCH!''' :'''Fru Fru''': '''THAT'S MY DAUGHTER! YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH, FOX!''' ''[Nick flinches as Judy glares at him]'' :'''Mr. Big''': Anyways, you're in trouble, and we like one of yous, so we're here to help. :'''Fru Fru''': ''[a polar bear gives Nick a duffel bag]'' New clothes, new identities, truck outta town leaves in an hour, and your meter-maid cart is taken care of. :''[A polar bear throws Judy and Nick's meter-maid cart in a trash compactor before praying to himself.]'' :'''Judy''': I think you misunderstand. We've been framed by the lynxes, and an innocent snake needs our... :'''Mr. Big''': ''[as Judith climbs on his lap]'' Judy, the Lynxleys are killers, and they have no honor, and this Tundratown expansion only makes them more dangerous. Territorial animals will do anything for more land. So, if whatever you're tangled up in threatens their plans, you're dead. You don't fight the cats, you leave. :'''Judy''': Sir, I know you're trying to look out for us, but we took an oath to protect this city, and justice doesn't run. :'''Nick''': ''[wearing a fake moustache]'' On behalf of myself, ''[reads his and Judy's fake I.D.'s]'' Rick Wilde and Miss Trudy... Cabbagepatch. We thank you for your truck to salvation and... ''[Judy rips off his fake moustache]'' Yow! :'''Judy''': We cannot accept your offer. We are helping that snake. :'''Nick''': ''[muttering]'' Boy, you're really tossing that "we" around. :'''Judy''': Snakes may have been framed for the fanging of that tortoise. Do you have any idea why or how this book could prove it? ''[shows the journal to Mr. Big]'' :'''Mr. Big''': I wish I did. But if it has to do with snakes, your best bet is talking to a reptile. :'''Judy''': Do you know any? :'''Mr. Big''': Almost no one does. They keep to themselves, hide out in Marsh Market. :'''Fru Fru''': But you can still find 'em. You just need to find a reptile expert, someone local who knows where to go. Lucky for you, I met someone. ''[gives Judy Nibbles' business card]'' She runs a podcast! <hr width=50%> :''[To uncover the secret of the journal, Judy and Nick are tasked with consulting Nibbles for help, much to Nick's dismay.]'' :'''Nick''': No, no, Trudy Cabbagepatch; Rick Wilde says "''no''". :'''Nibbles''': Oh, yeah! ''[drives by Nick and Judy]'' If Hopps and Wilde are on the lam, subtle sleuthin' 'tis my jam! ''[kicks her car's passenger door open]'' Woo! ''[dusts off the seats]'' Mind the splinters. ''[Judy tries to pull Nick toward the car as he resists]'' Oh, you called the right beaver. If you wanna talk to a reptile, I ''am'' your gal. Also, if you need to talk to a jackalope, which are ''real'', Mom! :'''Nick''': ''[chuckles as he pulls Judy away]'' Excuse us; Team meeting. ''[to Judy]'' Vetoing the beave, new vote. ''[raises his paw and tail]'' All in favor of truck to being alive and laying low 'til this blows over-ville? ''[chuckles]'' I mean... :'''Judy''': Hopps and Wilde do not bail on a case. :'''Nick''': ''[whispering about Nibbles]'' But she's crazy; Probably lead poisoning from eating too many pencils! ''[sees Nibbles chewing on two pencils and spitting out a splinter]'' :'''Judy''': Do you know a reptile who can tell us the hidden secret in here or why lynxes framed the snakes? ''[Nick tries to answer, but sighs in defeat]'' Twenty-four hours, sunrise tomorrow. If we strike out, then we go into hiding and Judy Cabbagepatch it is. ''[extends her paw to Nick]'' :'''Nick''': ''[groans reluctantly as the truck drives away]'' It's ''Trudy'' Cabbagepatch and the safe word is "coconut". ''[steps in the car alongside Judy]'' :'''Nibbles''': ''[to herself]'' In the darkness of a dank underpass, they stepped into the vehicle, not realizing their lives were about to change. :'''Judy''': Because... we're gonna meet a reptile? :'''Nibbles''': ''[excited]'' Because you're about to be best buds with ''Nibbles Maplestick''! ''[Judy smiles, while Nick looks at her in surprise]'' Takes two to tango, but a threesome to be somethin'! ''[drives off to Marsh Market]'' Let's find you a reptile and romp the swamp! <hr width=50%> :'''Nibbles''': Conversing with these beautiful sea creatures is like talkin' to anyone a little different. Just takes open and respectful communication. ''[throws a large fish in Judy and Nick's arms and rings a bell; a large walrus named Russ emerges from the water with a plunger]'' Hey, bub. :'''Russ''': Hey, bub. :'''Nibbles''': Hey, bub. :'''Russ''': Hey, bub. :'''Nibbles''': Hey, bubba, hey. :'''Russ''': Hey, bub, hey. :'''Nibbles''': Bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub. :'''Russ''': Bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub. :'''Nibbles''': Hey, bub. ''[mimics a record scratching]'' :'''Russ''': Hey, pfft, bub-bub. :'''Nibbles''': Hey, bub, pfft, bubby-bub. :'''Russ''': Hey, bub, pfft! Hey, bub. Hey-ho! :'''Nibbles''': Hey, bub-bub. :'''Russ''': Hey, bub. :''[Nick and Judy exchange confused glances.]'' :'''Nibbles''': Seen Jesús? :'''Russ''': Yup. ''[grabs the fish with his plunger, eats it, and dives back into the water, soaking Nick]'' :'''Nick''': ''[removes his soaked hat]'' And now, we leave town. <hr width=50%> :''[Nick and Judy are chasing Gary throughout Marsh Market with Nibbles' help.]'' :'''Nibbles''': Pro tip: If he goes for the red line, do ''not'' follow! You ''will'' run out of air! Good luck! I LOVE YOU! :''[As Nick follows Judy, who is still chasing Gary, the latter looks behind him and swallows the journal.]'' :'''Gary''': Cannonball! ''[leaps into the red line water tube]'' :''[Having disobeyed Nibbles' warning, Judy promptly follows Gary into the red line tube.]'' :'''Nick''': ''[worried]'' Hopps, no, that's the red line! Red line, red line! ''[sees Judy jumping into the red line]'' You're gonna run out of air! Coconut, '''coconut'''! ''[leaps into the red line after Judy and Gary]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Much to his frustration, Nick is forced to abort his and Judy's pursuit of Gary by opening an emergency exit, landing them at the base of Copenhoofen.]'' :'''Nick''': ''[worried]'' Are you okay? :'''Judy''': Yeah, yes. Uh... You? :'''Nick''': ''[drying himself]'' Um, well, uh, I feel some... sorries, uh, may be in order. :'''Judy''': ''[pats Nick's knee]'' Nick, it's okay. I know you didn't wanna lose him on purpose. :'''Nick''': ''[incredulously]'' Oh, not me sorry. No, no. ''[points at Judy]'' You sorry. :'''Judy''': ''[nonchalantly wringing her ears]'' Well, now we kinda have no way to find him or stop the lynxes, so... agree to disagree. ''[flicks her ears at Nick, throwing water at his face]'' :'''Nick''': But... we are alive. So, if we can't find him, that's great. What we ''can'' find... is a truck outta here. ''[tries to spray water at Judy, but smacks his snout with his tail]'' Gah. :''[Judy and Nick exchange glares before the former sees Gary's fanny pack hanging from the emergency exit. Judy opens the fanny pack, finding markers and a old box of matches with a flower on it.]'' :'''Nick''': ''[uninterested]'' Box of old matches... helpful. Trudy Cabbagepatch, leaving ''town''; We're done. ''[tries to walk away]'' :'''Jürgen''': ''[off-screen]'' Yodelayhehoo! :''[Nick and Judy look up and see two mountain goats hiking the cliff.]'' :'''Jürgen''': This is weird place for you to be. :'''Berthold''': Ja, very weird. :'''Jürgen''': Ach, they fell out of ze tube. ''[takes out his phone]'' Okay, we will call police to help! :'''Judy''': No! No, we're fine. :'''Nick''': Yep, but we were just leaving town. :'''Judy''': Actually, um, do you happen to know where this tube goes? :'''Berthold''': Oh, Copenhoofen. ''[points at a distance]'' :'''Jürgen''': Ja, ist Copenhoofen. ''[starts coughing]'' :'''Judy''': Got it, thank you- :'''Berthold''': Ah, you chew too much. This is not... ''[does the heimlich maneuver on Jürgen, making him spit half-chewed yellow flowers at Nick, much to his disgust as he dusts them off]'' :'''Judy''': ''[takes a flower off Nick and examines it]'' Where did... Where did you find these flowers? :'''Jürgen''': Oh, the Liebchenflower? ''[points above]'' Ze tippity-top of ze mountain. Uh, zis is ze only place zey grow. :'''Nick''': ''[frustrated; to himself]'' Oh, boy... :'''Judy''': Is... ''[to Jürgen and Berthold]'' Uh... Is there anything ''else'' up there? :'''Nick''': Nope, there sure isn't. :'''Berthold''': Oh, ja; ''[Nick groans]'' Old Honeymoon Lodge, but is closed for a long time because was hideout for snakes. :''[Upon hearing the word "snakes", Nick rolls his eyes.]'' :'''Judy''': ''[flips the matchbox]'' Honeymoon Lodge... ''[Nick sighs]'' H-How do you reach it? :'''Berthold''': Oh, tourists take ze tram from Copenhoofen, but ze rope is faster! :''[Judy excitedly punches a frustrated Nick before heading to the rope.]'' :'''Jürgen''': Good luck! ''[on the other side]'' Have fun at the Honeymoon Lodge! :'''Nick''': ''[annoyed]'' Thank you! :''[Judy and Nick are climbing Copenhoofen, with the latter struggling to keep up with the former, who wears Gary's fanny pack]'' :'''Judy''': ''[climbing; to herself]'' What does this secret... have to do with the reptiles? How did it get hidden in the journal in the first place. :'''Nick''': ''[exhausted]'' Will you slow down...? ''[starts slipping on his rope, much to his annoyance]'' :'''Judy''': ''[looks down]'' How do you think it's gonna be before Hoggbottom and the ZPD figure out where we are? ''[keeps climbing]'' If anything, we should be going faster. As I always say... :'''Judy's voice''': ''[through carrot pen; off-screen]'' I really am just a dumb bunny. :'''Judy''': ''[looks down; smiling forcedly]'' Nick... :''[Nick is replaying the recording on his carrot pen, smiling smugly, forcing Judy to zip down to him]'' :'''Judy''': ''[angrily grabs the carrot pen from Nick, spiraling him]'' ''This'' was a gift to symbolize our partnership. And it is not appropriate for this moment. :'''Nick''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, no, I was just... ''[chuckles]'' hoping to jot down some ideas for what we will put on our tombstones. I'll start: "His partner did it!" ''[snatches the carrot pen back]'' :'''Judy''': ''[confused]'' What happened to you that you can't just have a normal conversation? :'''Nick''': ''[pauses, then breathes deeply]'' ''I'' will save that for my therapy animal. ''[slips on his rope]'' :'''Judy''': Yeah. You ''need'' a therapy animal! :&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; :'''Judy''': ''[hurries to grab evidence]'' We need it to solve the case. :'''Nick''': ''[desperately]'' Judy, just— :'''Judy''': ''[not listening to him]'' We ''have'' to solve the case, Nick. :'''Nick''': ''[fed-up]'' I don't care about the case! ''[Judy becomes shocked to hear what he said; stutters and sighs]'' Judy, it's not worth dying for. :'''Judy''': ''[turns to him]'' The world will never be a better place if no one is brave enough to do the right thing. :'''Nick''': The world is what it ''is'', Carrots. And-and sometimes, being a hero, it just... doesn't make a difference. :'''Judy''': ''[pauses, then sighs]'' I think, uh... ''[Nick looks at her sympathetically]'' I think... Maybe... Maybe we ''are'' different. <hr width=50%> :''[Outside the destroyed Honeymoon Lodge, officers Chèvre and Bücheron bring a paw-cuffed Nick, who is glaring daggers, in front of Hoggbottom and Mayor Winddancer.]'' :'''Hoggbottom''': Mayor Winddancer? :'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[approaches Nick and removes his shades; about Judy]'' Where's the bunny? :'''Nick''': ''[snarkily]'' I dunno. But, you know, she's a rabbit, so maybe you can pull her out of your hat. :'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[pauses]'' I'm not wearing a hat. :'''Hoggbottom''': ''[whispering]'' He's messing with you, sir. :'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[dismissively]'' I knew that! Get him out of here! :''[Officers Bücheron and Chèvre throw Nick in the prison van and slam the doors shut.]'' :'''Milton''': ''[approaches Nick]'' Where are they, Mr. Wilde? ''[Nick turns away in denial; to Cattrick]'' Begin the expansion. Freeze Marsh Market. Flush everyone out. :'''Nick''': ''[overhears him; worried]'' No... you can't... :'''Milton''': Water folk, like foxes, are lesser mammals. If I say they helped a dangerous snake, no one will care what we do. ''[digs his claws in Nick, who groans in pain]'' You're going to a dark cell, Mr. Wilde, just long enough to read the headline of your partner's demise. ''[takes his claws off Nick, who glares angrily]'' You should've left town while you had the chance. :''[The prison van drives away with Nick.]'' :'''Kitty''': ''[holding a fur sample]'' Dad. Fur from... ''[gives the sample]'' whoever's helping the bunny and the snake. :'''Milton''': ''[angrily clutches the bag]'' Find Pawbert! <hr width=50%> :''[Nick is locked up in prison by Hoggbottom for being a fugitive]'' :'''Nibbles''': ''[off-screen]'' Nicholas Wilde! ''[Nick sighs as he sees her in the cell across his]'' What are the chances? ''[laughs]'' You know, this is my first time in prison, and I gotta say: ''[reaches for a mop]'' Their food is on point. ''[starts gnawing on the top part of the mop]'' :'''Nick''': ''[sighs and rolls his eyes]'' How are you even here? :'''Nibbles''': Destiny, plus an arrest. ''[chuckles]'' But it looks like Judith got away. Was that decision... ''mutual''? ''[Nick sighs and turns away]'' Oh, sensin' trouble in paradise. Wanna talk about it? :'''Nick''': ''[pushing a bed]'' What I want is to get outta here. ''[climbs on the bed, struggling to free himself]'' :'''Nibbles''': ''[wearily]'' Right, your big plan. Lay low on Outback Island, sipping piña koalas. ''[Nick climbs off the bed]'' Except you can't trust koalas 'cause they got four thumbs. Did a whole episode about it on the podcast. It was called "They Got Four Thumbs". But you know what? At least they ain't platypuses. ''[laughs]'' :'''Nick''': ''[trying to unlock his cell; annoyed]'' Wait, can you just... Can you ''please'' just let me concentrate? :'''Nibbles''': ''[salutes]'' Roger that. ''[gnaws on the mop again and spits out a splinter]'' Just talk to me, dude! ''[Nick breaks a claw and sighs]'' What's the last thing she said to you? :'''Nick''': ''[sighs]'' She, um... Uh, she said... "maybe we are too... different." :'''Nibbles''': Hm... And... What did you say ''before'' that? :'''Nick''': I said the case isn't worth dying for. :'''Nibbles''': Hm...? :'''Nick''': Like, uh,... Like, y'know, as in it's... it isn't worth ''her'' dying for because... because solitary animals like me don't have real friends. And I-I... I don't wanna lose her. ''[as his ears droop]'' I just... I don't know how to say that. ''[looks down, seeing Nibbles in front of him]'' :'''Nibbles''': You know what, bud? ''[hugs Nick]'' I think you just did. :'''Nick''': ''[pauses before realizing Nibbles opened his cell; surprised]'' Wait, how'd you do that? ''[gestures to the lock]'' :'''Nibbles''': Well, I open my arms, put them around you, and then I squeeze. It's called a hug. Do foxes not have hugs? ''[realizes what Nick meant]'' Oh. ''[chuckles]'' The lock. Yeah, that's Beav 101. ''[reveals that she gnawed a key on the mop]'' <hr width=50%> :''[In Flash's car, Nick is calling Clawhauser at the ZPD by phone to track Judy's location.]'' :'''Nick''': I cannot help Judy if I don't know where she is, which is why I need you ''[off-screen]'' to get on Paul's computer and track Hoggbottom. :'''Clawhauser''': ''[whispering]'' You are an escaped fugitive! I could get fired for even talking to you. :'''Nick''': ''[desperately]'' They're gonna put her to sleep! ''[off-screen]'' Do it! :'''Clawhauser''': Okay! ''[sees a box of donuts and gasps in delight]'' :'''Paul''': ''[typing on his computer]'' Did you try restarting it? Mhm. Have you tried not being an idiot? :'''Clawhauser''': ''[holding a box of donuts]'' Hey, Paul, I got you some donuts. ''[trips over the soda can and drops the box on Paul]'' Oh, no! :'''Officer McHorn''': ''[grabs the box of donuts]'' Thanks, Clawhauser! :'''Nick''': ''[off-screen]'' Clawhauser! Location...?! :''[Clawhauser reaches for Paul's computer, which has a screensaver on and requires a password. Clawhauser grabs the sticky note on the computer with the password "P@Rt3izFr&BrdZr2" written on it, much to his dismay as he struggles to read it]'' <hr width=50%> :''[After Judy, Gary, and Pawbert flipped the switch of the clock tower in the old control room, they return to see if it worked.]'' :'''Pawbert''': Can you see it? Did we turn on the clock tower? :'''Judy''': ''[looks around and gasps]'' There. ''[spots the clock tower's light]'' It's there! :'''Pawbert''': ''[gasps in delight]'' We did it! We can find the original patent. :'''Judy''': ''[sees Nick struggling to open the weather wall door; confused]'' Nick...? The door... it's locked. Wait... How did it lock? :''[Outside the weather wall, Nick starts panicking as the walls begin to heat up.]'' :'''Nick''': ''[trying to barge in]'' Nibbles, open it! '''Nibbles'''! :''[In the control room, Judy watches worriedly as Nibbles opens the access door, allowing Nick to enter, then slams the door shut before the flames scorch them.]'' :'''Nibbles''': Dang door stuck on me... :''[Back in the control room, Judy sees Nibbles helping Nick back up.]'' :'''Judy''': ''[sighs in relief, then chuckles embarrassedly]'' Sorry. Last case, there was kind of a... twist. :'''Pawbert''': I know. ''[suddenly injects Judy in the neck with snake venom, paralyzing her]'' Oh my gosh. I really... Oh, my heart is pounding. ''[chuckles]'' I thought you knew. I thought you knew. :'''Gary''': ''[feeling betrayed]'' No! ''[tries to attack Pawbert, but...]'' :'''Pawbert''': ''[grabs him by the throat]'' Sorry, partner. ''[throws Gary outside in the snow]'' Hate to leave you out in the cold... But... I'm gonna... Please don't be mad at me, but... I mean, you get it. We've always been on the same page. Me and you. Underdogs, right? You gotta prove you're as good as everyone else, that you belong. I know, it's messed up, but... ''[reloads his venom injector]'' this is my chance. I have to take it. 'Cause when I get to his great-grandma's home and I burn the original patent, I'll finally be something in my family. And I'll finally belong, too. :'''Nick''': ''[on the monitor]'' Judy? :'''Pawbert''': ''[approaches the monitor]'' Ruh-roh... :'''Nick''': ''[on the monitor]'' Carrots? :'''Pawbert''': ''[sees Nick looking for Judy; sighs]'' No loose ends. :''[Judy and Gary watch in horror as Pawbert steals the latter's fanny bag.]'' :'''Pawbert''': Bye, partner. Bye, Judy Hopps. ''[walks past her]'' :'''Judy''': ''[grabs his leg; desperately]'' Pawbert, please... You ''can'' be different than your family... :'''Pawbert''': ''[pauses; coldly]'' I don't wanna be different. ''[slams the door shut and locks the control room]'' :'''Judy''': ''[worried]'' Nick... <hr width=50%> :''[As Pawbert leaves the control room after betraying Judy and Gary, he hears Nick climbing the stairs and follows him.]'' :'''Nick''': ''[off-screen]'' Judy? ''[looks around the corridors]'' Judy? ''[looks down]'' Nibbles, do you see her? :'''Nibbles''': ''[holding a flashlight]'' No, nothin' yet. :''[In the control room, Judy struggles to crawl to the door.]'' :'''Nick''': ''[through the monitor]'' Judy? :'''Gary''': ''[from outside; shivering]'' We shall... succeed, Judy Hopps. :''[Judy briefly looks at Gary before continuing to crawl. Outside the control room, Nibbles stumbles upon Pawbert.]'' :'''Pawbert''': ''[pretends to surrender]'' It's okay. Judy sent me. She... needs to find Nick. ''[injects Nibbles with snake venom]'' :'''Nibbles''': ''[unamused]'' Yep. Should've seen that comin'. ''[faints]'' :''[Pawbert walks over Nibbles as he reloads his venom injector.]'' :'''Nick''': ''[off-screen]'' Judy? :''[Back in the control room, Judy is still struggling to reach the door. On the monitors, Nick is climbing the stairs as Pawbert follows him.]'' :'''Judy''': ''[struggling to crawl]'' Nick... :'''Gary''': ''[off-screen]'' We... shall... succeed,... ''[Judy struggles to reach for the door, but collapses]'' Judy. :'''Judy''': ''[weakly]'' I can't... move, and... ''[looks at Gary]'' you're too... cold... to help... ''[off-screen]'' And he's gonna... Nick's gonna... :''[Thinking Judy is outside, Nick swings the steel door open. Once outside, Nick shields his eyes from the blizzard, looking for Judy.]'' :'''Gary''': ''[off-screen]'' Judy,... the world... was never meant... to be... on one animal's... shoulders... :''[As he turns around, Nick is confronted by Pawbert. Nick warily backs away upon seeing the venom injector in Pawbert's paw.]'' :'''Gary''': ''[crawling to Judy]'' That's why... my great-grandma... wanted... Zootopia... to be... for everyone,... ''[Judy sees Pawbert confronting Nick]'' so we could... ''all''... help each-other. :'''Judy''': ''[tears up; guilty]'' I... ''didn't''... help. :''[Outside, Nick is still backing away from Pawbert.]'' :'''Gary''': ''[off-screen]'' You ''did''. ''[slowly crawling]'' You chose... to help me... and became... my... best warm-blooded... friend. ''[touches Judy with his tail; his eyes glow]'' ''Very'' warm. ''[senses Judy's body heat; smiles]'' Permission... to hug? :''[When Judy weakly nods "yes", Gary softly coils around her as the ice crystals on his scales start melting thanks to Judy's body heat, restoring him.]'' :'''Gary''': ''[sees Pawbert with his fanny bag through the monitor]'' We're gonna save you and save your friend. ''[Judy smiles, then passes out; worried]'' Judy? ''[officers Higgins, Chévre, and Bücheron enter the control room]'' Aah! :'''Officer Higgins''': ''[points at Gary in fright]'' Hey, he's gonna eat that rabbit! :'''Gary''': ''[panicked]'' No, wait! ''[backing away]'' I-I'm saving her! I'm gonna get her the anti-pen! <hr width=50%> :''[Outside the Sahara-Tundratown weather wall, Nick is still backing away from Pawbert, not noticing his footing.]'' :'''Nick''': ''[about Judy]'' Where is she? :'''Pawbert''': ''[blankly]'' She, uh... She didn't make it. ''[Nick turns mortified]'' But with snake bites, you... go fast... You'll see. :''[Inside the control room, Gary, surrounded by officers Higgins and Bloats, quickly swings a telephone at Higgins' head, angering him and Bloats. On the roof, Pawbert aggressively tackles Nick to the ice, trying to stab him with his venom injector. Back in the control room, Chèvre tries to tackle Gary, but he slithers aside while still coiling around a passed-out Judy. Gary tries to leave the control room, but Officer Bücheron stops him from doing so.]'' :'''Gary''': No! ''[looks at Judy, who is losing strength]'' :''[Officer Bloats attacks Gary alongside the other officers as they try to restrain him. Back outside, Nick tries to stop Pawbert from injecting him.]'' :'''Pawbert''': She ''gone'', Nick! Just... get it over with! :''[As Nick struggles to kick and push Pawbert off him, he kicks at Gary's fanny bag and knocks a bunch of markers out of it that fall down an ice ledge. Back inside the control room, Gary struggles to free himself from the officers until he sees some of his markers falling from outside, then gasps in shock upon seeing through the monitor that Nick is struggling against Pawbert on the roof.]'' :'''Pawbert''': You're done! Know when to '''quit'''! :''[The ice underneath Nick and Pawbert starts cracking, when suddenly...]'' :'''Gary''': ''[off-screen]'' Anti-venom! ''[Nick looks down; pops out]'' You can save her with the anti-venom! Throw me the bag! ''[the officers yank him back inside, revealing Judy's unconscious body]'' :'''Nick''': Judy! :''[Upon noticing Gary's anti-venom pen, Nick kicks Pawbert off him, flipping each-other over and causing the cliff to crack. Nick and Pawbert start wrestling for the fanny bag until the pen drops out of it towards the edge of the cliff. As the cliff rumbles again, Nick prepares to grab the pen, but...]'' :'''Pawbert''': ''[grabs Nick's paw; desperate]'' Leave it! You're gonna kill us both! It's not worth dying for. :'''Nick''': ''[glances at the anti-venom pen]'' Agree... ''[glares at Pawbert]'' to disagree. ''[shoves Pawbert away, slides down, grabs the anti-venom pen, and throws it to the fire escape, allowing Gary to barely grab it]'' :''[Nick briefly smiles before he starts losing grip as the ledge gives out. In the control room, Gary uncoils Judy and activates his anti-venom pen.]'' :'''Anti-Venom Pen''': Stab me straight into the heart! :''[As Gary stabs his pen into Judy's heart, she recovers instantly, gasping in shock. Seeing Nick on the verge of falling to his demise, Judy kicks Bloats and Higgins off Gary before knocking Rhinowitz out in a rush to save him. As the cliff shatters, Nick and Pawbert both start to fall to their deaths, but Judy quickly grabs Nick's paw with Gary's help, who grabs Judy, as Pawbert falls]'' <hr width=50%> :''[After Gary saved Judy and Nick from falling to their deaths, they look at each-other worriedly before rushing to hug each-other in relief, they both begin weeping]'' :'''Judy''': I was trying to get you... :'''Nick''': He told me that you... That you were... :'''Judy''': And I saw you... :''[Nick and Judy stop hugging and stare at each-other with watery eyes, much to Gary's awkwardness.]'' :'''Gary''': ''[blushing]'' I'll... help your friend. ''[slithers off to help Nibbles]'' :'''Nick''': ''[hesitantly]'' Okay. I- I don't- I don't ''care'' that we're different... you know? I- What I care about… is you. I care about you. Okay? And I didn’t say it. I should've said it, but I didn't... because... ''[shrugs]'' Uh… Well… ''[chuckles nervously]'' 'cause I ''am'' an emotionally insecure source of your discomfort who's not good at expressing his feelings. Probably because I've been on my own my whole life. It's not an excuse; It's just... ''[awkwardly scratches his neck]'' it's why instead of telling you that you're the best thing that ever happened to me, ''[Judy smiles]'' I-I make jokes about your ears and-and I tell you that you try too hard, when, you know, the truth is: I just don't want you to get hurt because… because no one else in the world ''matters'' more to me than you do. :'''Judy''': ''[holding back her tears; talking fast]'' I… I do try too hard because deep down I'm afraid I am what everyone thinks I am, and I suppress my discomfort because I'm worried it makes me look weak and I wanna be strong, and I think I'm failing all the time and I only take what you say personally because you're the only one in my life who ever believed in me, even when I don't even believe in myself. And I should have told you that… ''[pouts]'' No one else in the ''world'' matters to me more than you do, either... :'''Nick''': ''[pauses; almost entranced]'' I have unresolved childhood trauma that I refuse to discuss because being vulnerable scares me. :'''Judy''': I make dangerous choices because I have an unhealthy bunny hero complex. :'''Nick''': ''[teary]'' And I didn’t join the ZPD because I wanted to be a cop; I joined because I always wanted to be part of a pack… and the thought of losing you scares me because… ''[whispering softly]'' because you’re my pack. :'''Judy''': ''[sobbing]'' I should never have left you. And I ''do'' need a herd of therapy animals, and I should've told you that you're the only partner I would ever want because… you're my fluffle. :'''Nick''': ''[perplexed]'' Hm... Um...? :'''Judy''': ''[crying]'' That's a bunch of rabbits! :''[Nick and Judy giggle as the former smiles at her warmly and the latter wipes her tears away.]'' :'''Nibbles''': ''[after she got healed; arrives with Gary beside her]'' Whoo! Now ''that'' is what we call an overshare. I’m alive, by the way. I made it. <hr width=50%> :''[Judy and Nick are closing in on Pawbert as he reaches the clock tower, when a chasm tears open between them.]'' :'''Judy''': I'm gonna jump! ''[leaps outside the snowcat, ready to do so, but...]'' :'''Nick''': ''[playfully grabs her paw]'' Zoogetherness! Huh? ''[serious]'' No, never mind. Forget I said it; here we go! ''[leaps off the snowcat with Judy, knocking the gasoline and matches away from Pawbert]'' :'''Pawbert''': ''[frantically digging in the snow]'' Matches, matches, matches, matches! :''[When Pawbert finds the matchbox, it suddenly vanishes in the snow, much to his surprise.]'' :'''Judy''': ''[pops out of the hole]'' Bunnies... we're burrowers. Rabbit kick! ''[kicks at Pawbert, allowing Nick to trip him, then fist bumps Nick]'' :''[However, Pawbert emerges from the snow, growling and grinning evilly, as he pounces on Nick and Judy and strangles them, ready to tear them apart.]'' :'''Pawbert''': ''[insanely]'' I'll destroy the patent, that town, and ''everything'' in it. And a '''dirtbag fox''' and a ''[pushes Judy's head deeper in the snow]'' '''dumb bunny''' will ''never'' stand in my way! :''[Nick and Judy briefly exchange glances before the former glares at Pawbert.]'' :'''Nick''': ''[under his breath; defensively]'' She's not a dumb bunny and you're forgetting one thing...! ''[smirks]'' :'''Pawbert''': ''[grinning]'' What's that? :'''Nick''': We're friends with a snake! ==Taglines== * Hopps works hard, Wilde plays it cool. * They're back with a twissst. * Zootopia will be changed furrrever! ==Cast== * {{w|Ginnifer Goodwin}} — Judy Hopps * {{w|Jason Bateman}} — Nick Wilde * [[Ke Huy Quan]] — Gary De'Snake * [[w:Fortune Feimster|Fortune Feimster]] — Nibbles Maplestick * [[Andy Samberg]] — Pawbert Lynxley * {{w|David Strathairn}} — Milton Lynxley * [[Shakira]] — Gazelle * [[Idris Elba]] — Chief Bogo * [[Patrick Warburton]] — Mayor Brian Winddancer * {{w|Quinta Brunson}} — Dr. Fuzzby * [[Danny Trejo]] — Jesús * [[w:Alan Tudyk|Alan Tudyk]] — Duke Weaselton * {{w|Nate Torrence}} — Officer Benjamin Clawhauser * {{w|Don Lake}} — Stu Hopps * {{w|Bonnie Hunt}} — Bonnie Hopps * {{w|Jenny Slate}} — Dawn Bellwether * {{w|Cecily Strong}} — Little Judith * John Anoa'i and Phil Brooks — Gene Zebraxton and Gene Zebrowski * {{w|Michelle Gomez}} — Captain Hoggbottom * {{w|Josh Gad}} — Paul Moldebrant * {{w|Peter Mansbridge}} — Peter Moosebridge * [[w:Tiny Lister|Tiny Lister]] — Finnick ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Zootopia 2}} * {{IMDb title|id=26443597|title=Zootopia 2}} [[Category:2025 films]] [[Category:2025 American animated films]] [[Category:2025 computer-animated films]] [[Category:2020s American animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American 3D animated films]] [[Category:Animated buddy films]] [[Category:Sequel films]] [[Category:Conspiracy films]] [[Category:Animated films about rabbits and hares]] [[Category:Animated films about foxes]] [[Category:Films about snakes]] [[Category:Films about lizards]] [[Category:Animated films about big cats]] [[Category:Animated films about horses]] [[Category:Films with archival recordings]] [[Category:Films directed by Jared Bush]] [[Category:Films directed by Byron Howard]] [[Category:American sequel films]] mvdqgp0ykaot3dfixp676tqspjuszhc 3949468 3949465 2026-06-06T07:26:42Z Voltlds 780530 3949468 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|Zootopia 2}}''''' (known as '''''Zootropolis 2''''' in some European countries) is a 2025 American animated [[w:Buddy cop|buddy cop]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]] as well as the studio's 64th feature-length film. A sequel to ''[[Zootopia]]'', it follows Judy Hopps (voiced by [[w: Ginnifer Goodwin|Ginnifer Goodwin]]) and Nick Wilde (voiced by [[w:Jason Bateman|Jason Bateman]]) as they pursue reptile Gary De'Snake (voiced by [[w:Ke Huy Quan|Ke Huy Quan]]) across Zootopia and try to clear their names after being framed. :''Directed by {{w|Jared Bush}} and {{w|Byron Howard}}. Written by Jared Bush.'' {{center|1='''They're back with a twissst.'''}} {{film-stub}} ==Judy Hopps== * Hopps and Wilde in pursuit of suspect! * Stop in the name of the law! * ''[looking around Nick's apartment]'' Yikes... No wonder you never invite me over. ''['''Nick:''' Foxes are solitary.]'' * Stop pulling my ears, stop pulling my ears! Never pull a bunny's ears, never pull a bunny's ears! * We have to solve this case. * You know, I used to dream... of infiltrating a place like this. * Check the perimeter, snoop a little, we find nothing, we bail. But if I'm right, no-one will question whether you and I belong together again. We need this. * We took an oath to protect this city, and justice doesn't run. * The sooner everyone sees a fox and a bunny can be great partners, the better. * Agree to disagree. ==Nick Wilde== * Sorry, could you show me that clip again? Wasn't wearing my glasses. * Play it smart, stay off the radar, and don't let them get to you, okay? 'Cause we are the dream... team. ''[accidentally throws the soda can through the wall]'' Sorry, Paul. ''[Paul frustratedly growls and the soda can sprays him away]'' * No snake has set foot in Zootopia in forever, okay? Even if they had feet. * Well, can't win 'em all. * ''[upon seeing Chief Bogo at the Zootennial Gala]'' Bogo alert. * Oh, is my ''discomfort'' hilarious to you? * Oh my god -- a viper! ''A vindow viper.'' Ja? ''[laughs]'' * You know, this is not your worst idea. ''['''Judy''': Wow, that was almost a compliment.]'' Your worst idea is what you did with your ears. ''[Judy punches him in the stomach]'' * You're the one who said we needed a bust. Just follow my lead, okay? Act casual. * You want to fit in? Commando is not gonna cut it. It's not just the clothes, okay? ''[in a cool tone]'' It is the ''vibe''. * Carrots, hey, I would like to call a partner meeting! * Hey, Flash, Flash, 100-yard dash! Partner's in trouble, need to get across town, ignore the laws. ''['''Flash''': No... problem!]'' ==Gary De'Snake== * I'm really sorry, but this is my family's only chance to return home. * Hurt him? Snakes never hurt anyone. We aren't the bad guys. They are. And this journal holds the secret that will prove it. I have to prove it. Please. This is my only chance to set things right, and when I do, my family will finally be able to come home. * We shall succeed. * Permission to hug? ==Nibbles Maplestick== * If you wanna talk to a reptile, I am your gal. * When Zootopia was founded, this whole neighborhood got cut off from the rest of the town. It's the only place where you can get away with wearing a shirt and no pants. * Breathe it in! * Zootopia has a secret reptile population. * It takes two to tango, but a threesome to be some! * It takes a threesome to be some, but a fourway to bust your doorway! ==Pawbert Lynxley== * ''[to Judy; chuckling as he holds out his paw]'' Paw! Uh, Pawbert. I am Pawbert. Hi. * '''I'M GONNA ''BURN'' IT ALL TO THE''' '''''GROUND!''''' '''I'M A REAL''' '''''LYNXLEY!''''' ''[maniacally laughs before he gets knocked out with a frying pan from behind]'' ==Gazelle== * I will remember you, zebra! * We are with you, Judy Hopps. * We meet again, zebra. * Here come the horns! ==Dialogue== :''[Antony Snootley, the customs inspector, realizing Judy and Nick are cops.]'' :'''Finnick''': ''[spits out his pacifier and looks up at him]'' Toot toot. :'''Antony Snootley''': ''[gasps in panic]'' It's the '''''FUZZ!''''' ''[pushes Nick aside and runs]'' :'''Judy''': Stop! Stop in the name of the law! :'''Antony Snootley''': Everybody run! ''[drives off in the catering van]'' :'''Nick''': Well, can't win 'em all. :''[Behind Nick and Judy, the frantic pig in a hog rod fiercely honks at them.]'' :'''Frantic Pig''': Get outta the road, you dumb bunny! :'''Judy''': ''[scoffs]'' Agree to disagree. <hr width=50%> :''[As Judy and Nick are in Chief Bogo's office, the latter groans, as he and the other ZPD officers are displeased with them ruining Ebenezer Lynxley's statue.]'' :'''Judy''': Sir, today may not have been ideal, but the anteater was captured... :'''Chief Bogo''': By the Zebros! :'''Zebros''': ZEBROS!! ''[they both high-five]'' :'''Chief Bogo''': SHUT IT!!! :'''Zebros''': <small> Zebros... </small> :'''Judy''': It was us. But more importantly, I believe that we have made a significant discovery. ''[opens a case file]'' The stolen van contained a smuggled crate from overseas, pamphlets for the Zootennial, and some type of reptile skin. I've already sent samples for testing. And... :'''Chief Bogo''': ''[slams his hoof down on the case file]'' What needs testing is ''you''! You two tore up ''half the city''! Because of ''you'', we had to call in Jumbo Unit ''[turns on the TV to show a news report of Zeke, a dik-dik struggling in a tuba]'' to remove a '''DIK-DIK FROM A TUBA!!!!''' :'''Otter''': ''[on TV]'' You're almost out! You're gonna be-- :'''Zeke''': ''[on TV; panicked]'' Please no, please NO...! :''[An elephant officer picks up the tuba and blows through it with his trunk, launching Zeke into the air.]'' :'''Otter''': ''[on TV]'' Who's catching him?! :'''Nick''': Sorry. Could you show me that clip again? ''[puts on his pig sunglasses]'' Wasn't wearing my glasses. ''[Judy glares at him]'' :'''Chief Bogo''': Did you or did you not disobey a direct order to ''stand down''?! :'''Judy''': Sir, we were in pursuit, and Article 6, Paragraph B states if the lead officers think that-- :'''Fern Hoggbottom''': ''You'' are not lead officers! You're one-hit wonders who should go back to meter-maiding and sligging Pawpsicles! :'''Nick''': ''If'' I may, I think someone's just jealous that we got to drive the Squealmobile. ''[Fern snorts in shock]'' Or... maybe you thought it was your mama! :''[Fern squeals in anger.]'' :'''Chief Bogo''': ENOUGH!!! Everybody, ''[in high-pitched voice]'' out! :''[The ZPD officers (except Judy and Nick) leave Bogo's office.]'' :'''Chief Bogo''': ''[sighs; to Judy]'' Officer Hopps, despite my best efforts to avoid it, I like you. But this need to... overdo it made both of you a headline today. And it reflects badly on me, on the department, and, frankly, on any bunny hoping to follow in your footsteps. Not every case to going to save the world. :''[Judy comtemplates about what Chief Bogo said, until...]'' :'''Nick''': ''[interrupts]'' Knock, knock. ''[standing next to a waste bin]'' Hi. You know, this kinda... this sounds a lot like a... "just a you guys" conversation, so what I'm gonna do is: I'm gonna go ahead and... ''[prepares to leave]'' :'''Chief Bogo''': ''[rolls his eyes]'' Is there a reason why you don't take ''anything'' seriously? :'''Nick''': Jokes are a classic defensive mechanism for someone with a traumatic childhood. :'''Chief Bogo''': ''[glares at Nick]'' Would you like a traumatic ''adulthood''? :'''Nick''': ''[opens his mouth to retort before removing his glasses and backing away]'' I would not. :'''Chief Bogo''': I allowed you to work together because you did this city a great service, but today, you messed it all up. And now, some are questioning whether you should have been partners in the first place. :'''Judy''': But, sir... :'''Chief Bogo''': So, instead of chasing imaginary reptiles, I am pulling you from the field... :'''Judy''': ''[shocked]'' What?! ''[Nick frowns]'' :'''Chief Bogo''': ...and giving you a new assignment, reserved for special teams like yourselves. Fail at this, and I will have no choice but to ''split you up''. There will be no more Hopps and Wilde. ''[Judy and Nick exchange worried glances]'' But... if you're as good as you think you are, ''[gives Nick the flyer]'' this is your moment to shine. ''[shuts the door]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Judy and Nick are in Partners in Crisis with Dr. Fuzzby, the ZPD quokka therapist, and the other officers.]'' :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': Welcome to Partners in Crisis, a workshop for duos heading for disaster. ''[chuckles]'' I am your therapy animal, Dr. Fuzzby, and you are here because mismatched pairings often need a little more work to make them... work. :''[An armadillo officer, Greg is grooming his partner's fur, picking out bugs. His partner, Marlon Grizzby, is gesturing in a way showing he's uncomfortable.]'' :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': Greg, we talked about that. :''[Greg pauses and stops grooming Marlon, sighing and groaning.]'' :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': What are we making Marlon? Uncomfortable. Yes. :''[An elephant officer, Francine, screams when she see a mouse, Clark.]'' :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': And Francine, Clark may be a mouse, but he is your partner first. :''[Officer Clark squeaks, and Francine hits her forehead.]'' :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': And we have two new ''“apart-ners.”'' :''[All the officers look at Judy and Nick.]'' :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': ''[to Judy]'' Can you tell us about your journey to ''dysfunction junction''? :'''Judy''': ''[looks around awkwardly]'' Well, we’ve been official partners for one week, ''[poking Nick]'' happy anni-versa-ry! And we're not dysfunctional at all, actually. Functioning fine - better than fine! And we ''did'' sorta save the city, so us being here kinda seems like a ''huge'' misunderstanding. :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': ''[nodding; to the rest of the group]'' Notice how she answered first, did not allow her partner to speak, seems to be in a state of denial, ''[Judy looks at her disturbingly]'' and taps her foot when she's suppressing discomfort. :''[Judy notices her foot is tapping and stops it. Nick smiles and chuckles]'' :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': ''[notices]'' And observe the source of her discomfort, represented by the disconnected affectation of her emotionally-insecure partner. :''[Nick frowns as Judy smirks at him]'' :'''Marlon''': Oh... :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': But with hard work, they'll be on the same page by year two! ''[Judy and Nick stare confusedly]'' But for now, let's begin by greeting our teammate. Who'd like to go first? ''[Joel, an elk, raises his hoof]'' Thank you, Joel. :''[Joel smiles at Karen, a honey badger, who proceeds to choke him]'' :'''Dr. Fuzzby''': Okay, unfortunately, Karen has chosen to see Joel's smile as a sign of aggression. ''[starts spraying]'' Hackles down, Karen. Karen, hackles down. ''[singing]'' Joel, the safe word is "coconut". :'''Joel''': ''[while Karen chokes him]'' Coconut! '''Coconut'''! :''[Nick and Judy exchange shocked looks]'' :'''Judy Hopps''': We have to set another meeting with the chief. Promise we’ll be better. ''[as she opens her locker, she finds it filled with insults about the pursuit, courtesy of the Zebros, she glares at them in annoyance]'' :'''Zebros''': ''[arrogantly]'' (In your face, loser.) Zebros. ''[high-hoof each other in terrible pride]'' <hr width=50%> :''[As Judy and Nick leave the ZPD building, the other officers mock them for destroying Ebenezer Lynxley's statue]'' :'''Gene Zebrowski''': ''[mockingly]'' Look, everybody! Roll out the red carpet, here's the Super Cops! Woo! :'''Higgins''': Ça marche! Allonzi! :'''Bloats''': Woo! :'''Sheep cop''': Fox and bunny! :'''Gene Zebraxton''': Hey, what does the fox say? You suck! :''[Upon realizing Zebraxton insulted Nick, Judy tries to confront him about it]'' :'''Nick''': ''[fondly pushes Judy away]'' Easy, partner. ''[leaves the building with Judy]'' Let me ask you somethin': Do you think we're a good team? :'''Judy''': Of course! I just... I just wish I knew what we had to do to ''prove'' it to everyone else. :'''Nick''': Or... maybe we don't have to prove anything to anybody. :''[Judy and Nick look behind them, seeing the ZPD officers still taunting them from behind the door]'' :'''Judy''': Hm... ''[smiles]'' We do. Forever. ''[throws a "Partnership for Dummies" book to Nick]'' :'''Nick''': ''[catches the book]'' Oof! ''[gazes at the book curiously]'' :'''Judy''': And the sooner everyone ''[as Nick gazes at her]'' sees a fox and a bunny can be great partners, the better. ''[walks away as Nick amorously gazes at the book]'' Enjoy it! I got two! :'''Nick''': ''[singing]'' I'd rather chew off my own arm. :'''Judy''': ''[waving from a distance]'' Happy anniversary! :''[Nick stares at the book Judy gave him, scoffing softly as he leaves]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Gary De'Snake reveals himself in front of everyone at the Zootennial Gala]'' :'''Mayor Winddancer''': '''''THERE'S A SNAKE!!!!!''''' :''[The Zootopians start running and screaming]'' <hr width=50%> :''[During the chase scene at the Lynxley Manor, a lion chef's hat is knocked off, revealing [[w:Ratatouille (film)|a rat/mouse controlling him by pulling his mane.]]]'' :'''French Chef''': ''[gasps; points at the lion]'' I knew it! <hr width=50%> :''[After Judy and Nick escape from the Lynxley Manor, Milton questions Mayor Winddancer. Cattrick and Kitty face him as well, standing on either side of Milton.]'' :'''Mayor Winddancer''': Uh, we, uh... We're gonna take that snake down. :'''Milton Lynxley''': ''[angrily]'' And the fox and that ''rabbit!'' Do you know how many mayors they've already destroyed? :'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[thinks while tapping the floor two times with his back hoof]'' 1, 2... I got up to 2. :'''Milton Lynxley''': Would you like to be 3?! ''[Mayor Winddancer shakes his head "no"]'' I want them gone! :'''Mayor Winddancer''': But aren't there... ''laws?'' :'''Milton Lynxley''': ''[coming closer to Winddancer]'' I will say this once, ''Brian.'' You will retrieve the journal and bury them. Or maybe I chose the wrong mayor. Did I choose the wrong mayor? :'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[gulps]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Mr. Big’s polar bears, Raymond and Kevin, put Judy and Nick in the trunk of his limousine and take them to Fru Fru"s purse warehouse.]'' :'''Fru Fru''': Welcome to my warehouse! ''[to Judy]'' Oh my god, I love your dress. :'''Judy''': Oh, thank you. :'''Mr. Big''': Fru Fru and I are now equal partners in the family business. She brings wonderful ideas for crime and for fashion, while I get more time to focus on what matters most: Being grand-papa to my little Judith. :''[Fru Fru's daughter, a toddler shrew named Judith, walks over.]'' :'''Judith''': ''[holds out her hand, wearing a candy ring on one of her fingers]'' Kiss my ring! :''[Nick smiles at Judy, chuckling in amusement.]'' :'''Mr. Big''': '''KISS THE STINKING RING RIGHT NOW! KISS IT!''' :'''Fru Fru''': '''KISS IT! YOU KISS IT RIGHT NOW! KISS IT!''' :''[Nick quickly and awkwardly kisses Judith's ring.]'' :'''Judith''': Nonno, you said we were gonna make cement shoes for Mr. Weaselton. :'''Mr. Big''': Ah, that's my girl. ''[Judith grins maliciously]'' :'''Nick''': They grow up so fast. :'''Mr. Big''': '''YOU RUN YOUR MOUTH TOO MUCH!''' :'''Fru Fru''': '''THAT'S MY DAUGHTER! YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH, FOX!''' ''[Nick flinches as Judy glares at him]'' :'''Mr. Big''': Anyways, you're in trouble, and we like one of yous, so we're here to help. :'''Fru Fru''': ''[a polar bear gives Nick a duffel bag]'' New clothes, new identities, truck outta town leaves in an hour, and your meter-maid cart is taken care of. :''[A polar bear throws Judy and Nick's meter-maid cart in a trash compactor before praying to himself.]'' :'''Judy''': I think you misunderstand. We've been framed by the lynxes, and an innocent snake needs our... :'''Mr. Big''': ''[as Judith climbs on his lap]'' Judy, the Lynxleys are killers, and they have no honor, and this Tundratown expansion only makes them more dangerous. Territorial animals will do anything for more land. So, if whatever you're tangled up in threatens their plans, you're dead. You don't fight the cats, you leave. :'''Judy''': Sir, I know you're trying to look out for us, but we took an oath to protect this city, and justice doesn't run. :'''Nick''': ''[wearing a fake moustache]'' On behalf of myself, ''[reads his and Judy's fake I.D.'s]'' Rick Wilde and Miss Trudy... Cabbagepatch. We thank you for your truck to salvation and... ''[Judy rips off his fake moustache]'' Yow! :'''Judy''': We cannot accept your offer. We are helping that snake. :'''Nick''': ''[muttering]'' Boy, you're really tossing that "we" around. :'''Judy''': Snakes may have been framed for the fanging of that tortoise. Do you have any idea why or how this book could prove it? ''[shows the journal to Mr. Big]'' :'''Mr. Big''': I wish I did. But if it has to do with snakes, your best bet is talking to a reptile. :'''Judy''': Do you know any? :'''Mr. Big''': Almost no one does. They keep to themselves, hide out in Marsh Market. :'''Fru Fru''': But you can still find 'em. You just need to find a reptile expert, someone local who knows where to go. Lucky for you, I met someone. ''[gives Judy Nibbles' business card]'' She runs a podcast! <hr width=50%> :''[To uncover the secret of the journal, Judy and Nick are tasked with consulting Nibbles for help, much to Nick's dismay.]'' :'''Nick''': No, no, Trudy Cabbagepatch; Rick Wilde says "''no''". :'''Nibbles''': Oh, yeah! ''[drives by Nick and Judy]'' If Hopps and Wilde are on the lam, subtle sleuthin' 'tis my jam! ''[kicks her car's passenger door open]'' Woo! ''[dusts off the seats]'' Mind the splinters. ''[Judy tries to pull Nick toward the car as he resists]'' Oh, you called the right beaver. If you wanna talk to a reptile, I ''am'' your gal. Also, if you need to talk to a jackalope, which are ''real'', Mom! :'''Nick''': ''[chuckles as he pulls Judy away]'' Excuse us; Team meeting. ''[to Judy]'' Vetoing the beave, new vote. ''[raises his paw and tail]'' All in favor of truck to being alive and laying low 'til this blows over-ville? ''[chuckles]'' I mean... :'''Judy''': Hopps and Wilde do not bail on a case. :'''Nick''': ''[whispering about Nibbles]'' But she's crazy; Probably lead poisoning from eating too many pencils! ''[sees Nibbles chewing on two pencils and spitting out a splinter]'' :'''Judy''': Do you know a reptile who can tell us the hidden secret in here or why lynxes framed the snakes? ''[Nick tries to answer, but sighs in defeat]'' Twenty-four hours, sunrise tomorrow. If we strike out, then we go into hiding and Judy Cabbagepatch it is. ''[extends her paw to Nick]'' :'''Nick''': ''[groans reluctantly as the truck drives away]'' It's ''Trudy'' Cabbagepatch and the safe word is "coconut". ''[steps in the car alongside Judy]'' :'''Nibbles''': ''[to herself]'' In the darkness of a dank underpass, they stepped into the vehicle, not realizing their lives were about to change. :'''Judy''': Because... we're gonna meet a reptile? :'''Nibbles''': ''[excited]'' Because you're about to be best buds with ''Nibbles Maplestick''! ''[Judy smiles, while Nick looks at her in surprise]'' Takes two to tango, but a threesome to be somethin'! ''[drives off to Marsh Market]'' Let's find you a reptile and romp the swamp! <hr width=50%> :'''Nibbles''': Conversing with these beautiful sea creatures is like talkin' to anyone a little different. Just takes open and respectful communication. ''[throws a large fish in Judy and Nick's arms and rings a bell; a large walrus named Russ emerges from the water with a plunger]'' Hey, bub. :'''Russ''': Hey, bub. :'''Nibbles''': Hey, bub. :'''Russ''': Hey, bub. :'''Nibbles''': Hey, bubba, hey. :'''Russ''': Hey, bub, hey. :'''Nibbles''': Bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub. :'''Russ''': Bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub. :'''Nibbles''': Hey, bub. ''[mimics a record scratching]'' :'''Russ''': Hey, pfft, bub-bub. :'''Nibbles''': Hey, bub, pfft, bubby-bub. :'''Russ''': Hey, bub, pfft! Hey, bub. Hey-ho! :'''Nibbles''': Hey, bub-bub. :'''Russ''': Hey, bub. :''[Nick and Judy exchange confused glances.]'' :'''Nibbles''': Seen Jesús? :'''Russ''': Yup. ''[grabs the fish with his plunger, eats it, and dives back into the water, soaking Nick]'' :'''Nick''': ''[removes his soaked hat]'' And now, we leave town. <hr width=50%> :''[Nick and Judy are chasing Gary throughout Marsh Market with Nibbles' help.]'' :'''Nibbles''': Pro tip: If he goes for the red line, do ''not'' follow! You ''will'' run out of air! Good luck! I LOVE YOU! :''[As Nick follows Judy, who is still chasing Gary, the latter looks behind him and swallows the journal.]'' :'''Gary''': Cannonball! ''[leaps into the red line water tube]'' :''[Having disobeyed Nibbles' warning, Judy promptly follows Gary into the red line tube.]'' :'''Nick''': ''[worried]'' Hopps, no, that's the red line! Red line, red line! ''[sees Judy jumping into the red line]'' You're gonna run out of air! Coconut, '''coconut'''! ''[leaps into the red line after Judy and Gary]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Much to his frustration, Nick is forced to abort his and Judy's pursuit of Gary by opening an emergency exit, landing them at the base of Copenhoofen.]'' :'''Nick''': ''[worried]'' Are you okay? :'''Judy''': Yeah, yes. Uh... You? :'''Nick''': ''[drying himself]'' Um, well, uh, I feel some... sorries, uh, may be in order. :'''Judy''': ''[pats Nick's knee]'' Nick, it's okay. I know you didn't wanna lose him on purpose. :'''Nick''': ''[incredulously]'' Oh, not me sorry. No, no. ''[points at Judy]'' You sorry. :'''Judy''': ''[nonchalantly wringing her ears]'' Well, now we kinda have no way to find him or stop the lynxes, so... agree to disagree. ''[flicks her ears at Nick, throwing water at his face]'' :'''Nick''': But... we are alive. So, if we can't find him, that's great. What we ''can'' find... is a truck outta here. ''[tries to spray water at Judy, but smacks his snout with his tail]'' Gah. :''[Judy and Nick exchange glares before the former sees Gary's fanny pack hanging from the emergency exit. Judy opens the fanny pack, finding markers and a old box of matches with a flower on it.]'' :'''Nick''': ''[uninterested]'' Box of old matches... helpful. Trudy Cabbagepatch, leaving ''town''; We're done. ''[tries to walk away]'' :'''Jürgen''': ''[off-screen]'' Yodelayhehoo! :''[Nick and Judy look up and see two mountain goats hiking the cliff.]'' :'''Jürgen''': This is weird place for you to be. :'''Berthold''': Ja, very weird. :'''Jürgen''': Ach, they fell out of ze tube. ''[takes out his phone]'' Okay, we will call police to help! :'''Judy''': No! No, we're fine. :'''Nick''': Yep, but we were just leaving town. :'''Judy''': Actually, um, do you happen to know where this tube goes? :'''Berthold''': Oh, Copenhoofen. ''[points at a distance]'' :'''Jürgen''': Ja, ist Copenhoofen. ''[starts coughing]'' :'''Judy''': Got it, thank you- :'''Berthold''': Ah, you chew too much. This is not... ''[does the heimlich maneuver on Jürgen, making him spit half-chewed yellow flowers at Nick, much to his disgust as he dusts them off]'' :'''Judy''': ''[takes a flower off Nick and examines it]'' Where did... Where did you find these flowers? :'''Jürgen''': Oh, the Liebchenflower? ''[points above]'' Ze tippity-top of ze mountain. Uh, zis is ze only place zey grow. :'''Nick''': ''[frustrated; to himself]'' Oh, boy... :'''Judy''': Is... ''[to Jürgen and Berthold]'' Uh... Is there anything ''else'' up there? :'''Nick''': Nope, there sure isn't. :'''Berthold''': Oh, ja; ''[Nick groans]'' Old Honeymoon Lodge, but is closed for a long time because was hideout for snakes. :''[Upon hearing the word "snakes", Nick rolls his eyes.]'' :'''Judy''': ''[flips the matchbox]'' Honeymoon Lodge... ''[Nick sighs]'' H-How do you reach it? :'''Berthold''': Oh, tourists take ze tram from Copenhoofen, but ze rope is faster! :''[Judy excitedly punches a frustrated Nick before heading to the rope.]'' :'''Jürgen''': Good luck! ''[on the other side]'' Have fun at the Honeymoon Lodge! :'''Nick''': ''[annoyed]'' Thank you! :''[Judy and Nick are climbing Copenhoofen, with the latter struggling to keep up with the former, who wears Gary's fanny pack]'' :'''Judy''': ''[climbing; to herself]'' What does this secret... have to do with the reptiles? How did it get hidden in the journal in the first place. :'''Nick''': ''[exhausted]'' Will you slow down...? ''[starts slipping on his rope, much to his annoyance]'' :'''Judy''': ''[looks down]'' How long do you think it's gonna be before Hoggbottom and the ZPD figure out where we are? ''[keeps climbing]'' If anything, we should be going faster. As I always say... :'''Judy's voice''': ''[through carrot pen; off-screen]'' I really am just a dumb bunny. :'''Judy''': ''[looks down; smiling forcedly]'' Nick... :''[Nick is replaying the recording on his carrot pen, smiling smugly, forcing Judy to zip down to him]'' :'''Judy''': ''[angrily grabs the carrot pen from Nick, spiraling him]'' ''This'' was a gift to symbolize our partnership. And it is not appropriate for this moment. :'''Nick''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, no, I was just... ''[chuckles]'' hoping to jot down some ideas for what we will put on our tombstones. I'll start: "His partner did it!" ''[snatches the carrot pen back]'' :'''Judy''': ''[confused]'' What happened to you that you can't just have a normal conversation? :'''Nick''': ''[pauses, then breathes deeply]'' ''I'' will save that for my therapy animal. ''[slips on his rope]'' :'''Judy''': Yeah. You ''need'' a therapy animal! :&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; :'''Judy''': ''[hurries to grab evidence]'' We need it to solve the case. :'''Nick''': ''[desperately]'' Judy, just— :'''Judy''': ''[not listening to him]'' We ''have'' to solve the case, Nick. :'''Nick''': ''[fed-up]'' I don't care about the case! ''[Judy becomes shocked to hear what he said; stutters and sighs]'' Judy, it's not worth dying for. :'''Judy''': ''[turns to him]'' The world will never be a better place if no one is brave enough to do the right thing. :'''Nick''': The world is what it ''is'', Carrots. And-and sometimes, being a hero, it just... doesn't make a difference. :'''Judy''': ''[pauses, then sighs]'' I think, uh... ''[Nick looks at her sympathetically]'' I think... Maybe... Maybe we ''are'' different. <hr width=50%> :''[Outside the destroyed Honeymoon Lodge, officers Chèvre and Bücheron bring a paw-cuffed Nick, who is glaring daggers, in front of Hoggbottom and Mayor Winddancer.]'' :'''Hoggbottom''': Mayor Winddancer? :'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[approaches Nick and removes his shades; about Judy]'' Where's the bunny? :'''Nick''': ''[snarkily]'' I dunno. But, you know, she's a rabbit, so maybe you can pull her out of your hat. :'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[pauses]'' I'm not wearing a hat. :'''Hoggbottom''': ''[whispering]'' He's messing with you, sir. :'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[dismissively]'' I knew that! Get him out of here! :''[Officers Bücheron and Chèvre throw Nick in the prison van and slam the doors shut.]'' :'''Milton''': ''[approaches Nick]'' Where are they, Mr. Wilde? ''[Nick turns away in denial; to Cattrick]'' Begin the expansion. Freeze Marsh Market. Flush everyone out. :'''Nick''': ''[overhears him; worried]'' No... you can't... :'''Milton''': Water folk, like foxes, are lesser mammals. If I say they helped a dangerous snake, no one will care what we do. ''[digs his claws in Nick, who groans in pain]'' You're going to a dark cell, Mr. Wilde, just long enough to read the headline of your partner's demise. ''[takes his claws off Nick, who glares angrily]'' You should've left town while you had the chance. :''[The prison van drives away with Nick.]'' :'''Kitty''': ''[holding a fur sample]'' Dad. Fur from... ''[gives the sample]'' whoever's helping the bunny and the snake. :'''Milton''': ''[angrily clutches the bag]'' Find Pawbert! <hr width=50%> :''[Nick is locked up in prison by Hoggbottom for being a fugitive]'' :'''Nibbles''': ''[off-screen]'' Nicholas Wilde! ''[Nick sighs as he sees her in the cell across his]'' What are the chances? ''[laughs]'' You know, this is my first time in prison, and I gotta say: ''[reaches for a mop]'' Their food is on point. ''[starts gnawing on the top part of the mop]'' :'''Nick''': ''[sighs and rolls his eyes]'' How are you even here? :'''Nibbles''': Destiny, plus an arrest. ''[chuckles]'' But it looks like Judith got away. Was that decision... ''mutual''? ''[Nick sighs and turns away]'' Oh, sensin' trouble in paradise. Wanna talk about it? :'''Nick''': ''[pushing a bed]'' What I want is to get outta here. ''[climbs on the bed, struggling to free himself]'' :'''Nibbles''': ''[wearily]'' Right, your big plan. Lay low on Outback Island, sipping piña koalas. ''[Nick climbs off the bed]'' Except you can't trust koalas 'cause they got four thumbs. Did a whole episode about it on the podcast. It was called "They Got Four Thumbs". But you know what? At least they ain't platypuses. ''[laughs]'' :'''Nick''': ''[trying to unlock his cell; annoyed]'' Wait, can you just... Can you ''please'' just let me concentrate? :'''Nibbles''': ''[salutes]'' Roger that. ''[gnaws on the mop again and spits out a splinter]'' Just talk to me, dude! ''[Nick breaks a claw and sighs]'' What's the last thing she said to you? :'''Nick''': ''[sighs]'' She, um... Uh, she said... "maybe we are too... different." :'''Nibbles''': Hm... And... What did you say ''before'' that? :'''Nick''': I said the case isn't worth dying for. :'''Nibbles''': Hm...? :'''Nick''': Like, uh,... Like, y'know, as in it's... it isn't worth ''her'' dying for because... because solitary animals like me don't have real friends. And I-I... I don't wanna lose her. ''[as his ears droop]'' I just... I don't know how to say that. ''[looks down, seeing Nibbles in front of him]'' :'''Nibbles''': You know what, bud? ''[hugs Nick]'' I think you just did. :'''Nick''': ''[pauses before realizing Nibbles opened his cell; surprised]'' Wait, how'd you do that? ''[gestures to the lock]'' :'''Nibbles''': Well, I open my arms, put them around you, and then I squeeze. It's called a hug. Do foxes not have hugs? ''[realizes what Nick meant]'' Oh. ''[chuckles]'' The lock. Yeah, that's Beav 101. ''[reveals that she gnawed a key on the mop]'' <hr width=50%> :''[In Flash's car, Nick is calling Clawhauser at the ZPD by phone to track Judy's location.]'' :'''Nick''': I cannot help Judy if I don't know where she is, which is why I need you ''[off-screen]'' to get on Paul's computer and track Hoggbottom. :'''Clawhauser''': ''[whispering]'' You are an escaped fugitive! I could get fired for even talking to you. :'''Nick''': ''[desperately]'' They're gonna put her to sleep! ''[off-screen]'' Do it! :'''Clawhauser''': Okay! ''[sees a box of donuts and gasps in delight]'' :'''Paul''': ''[typing on his computer]'' Did you try restarting it? Mhm. Have you tried not being an idiot? :'''Clawhauser''': ''[holding a box of donuts]'' Hey, Paul, I got you some donuts. ''[trips over the soda can and drops the box on Paul]'' Oh, no! :'''Officer McHorn''': ''[grabs the box of donuts]'' Thanks, Clawhauser! :'''Nick''': ''[off-screen]'' Clawhauser! Location...?! :''[Clawhauser reaches for Paul's computer, which has a screensaver on and requires a password. Clawhauser grabs the sticky note on the computer with the password "P@Rt3izFr&BrdZr2" written on it, much to his dismay as he struggles to read it]'' <hr width=50%> :''[After Judy, Gary, and Pawbert flipped the switch of the clock tower in the old control room, they return to see if it worked.]'' :'''Pawbert''': Can you see it? Did we turn on the clock tower? :'''Judy''': ''[looks around and gasps]'' There. ''[spots the clock tower's light]'' It's there! :'''Pawbert''': ''[gasps in delight]'' We did it! We can find the original patent. :'''Judy''': ''[sees Nick struggling to open the weather wall door; confused]'' Nick...? The door... it's locked. Wait... How did it lock? :''[Outside the weather wall, Nick starts panicking as the walls begin to heat up.]'' :'''Nick''': ''[trying to barge in]'' Nibbles, open it! '''Nibbles'''! :''[In the control room, Judy watches worriedly as Nibbles opens the access door, allowing Nick to enter, then slams the door shut before the flames scorch them.]'' :'''Nibbles''': Dang door stuck on me... :''[Back in the control room, Judy sees Nibbles helping Nick back up.]'' :'''Judy''': ''[sighs in relief, then chuckles embarrassedly]'' Sorry. Last case, there was kind of a... twist. :'''Pawbert''': I know. ''[suddenly injects Judy in the neck with snake venom, paralyzing her]'' Oh my gosh. I really... Oh, my heart is pounding. ''[chuckles]'' I thought you knew. I thought you knew. :'''Gary''': ''[feeling betrayed]'' No! ''[tries to attack Pawbert, but...]'' :'''Pawbert''': ''[grabs him by the throat]'' Sorry, partner. ''[throws Gary outside in the snow]'' Hate to leave you out in the cold... But... I'm gonna... Please don't be mad at me, but... I mean, you get it. We've always been on the same page. Me and you. Underdogs, right? You gotta prove you're as good as everyone else, that you belong. I know, it's messed up, but... ''[reloads his venom injector]'' this is my chance. I have to take it. 'Cause when I get to his great-grandma's home and I burn the original patent, I'll finally be something in my family. And I'll finally belong, too. :'''Nick''': ''[on the monitor]'' Judy? :'''Pawbert''': ''[approaches the monitor]'' Ruh-roh... :'''Nick''': ''[on the monitor]'' Carrots? :'''Pawbert''': ''[sees Nick looking for Judy; sighs]'' No loose ends. :''[Judy and Gary watch in horror as Pawbert steals the latter's fanny bag.]'' :'''Pawbert''': Bye, partner. Bye, Judy Hopps. ''[walks past her]'' :'''Judy''': ''[grabs his leg; desperately]'' Pawbert, please... You ''can'' be different than your family... :'''Pawbert''': ''[pauses; coldly]'' I don't wanna be different. ''[slams the door shut and locks the control room]'' :'''Judy''': ''[worried]'' Nick... <hr width=50%> :''[As Pawbert leaves the control room after betraying Judy and Gary, he hears Nick climbing the stairs and follows him.]'' :'''Nick''': ''[off-screen]'' Judy? ''[looks around the corridors]'' Judy? ''[looks down]'' Nibbles, do you see her? :'''Nibbles''': ''[holding a flashlight]'' No, nothin' yet. :''[In the control room, Judy struggles to crawl to the door.]'' :'''Nick''': ''[through the monitor]'' Judy? :'''Gary''': ''[from outside; shivering]'' We shall... succeed, Judy Hopps. :''[Judy briefly looks at Gary before continuing to crawl. Outside the control room, Nibbles stumbles upon Pawbert.]'' :'''Pawbert''': ''[pretends to surrender]'' It's okay. Judy sent me. She... needs to find Nick. ''[injects Nibbles with snake venom]'' :'''Nibbles''': ''[unamused]'' Yep. Should've seen that comin'. ''[faints]'' :''[Pawbert walks over Nibbles as he reloads his venom injector.]'' :'''Nick''': ''[off-screen]'' Judy? :''[Back in the control room, Judy is still struggling to reach the door. On the monitors, Nick is climbing the stairs as Pawbert follows him.]'' :'''Judy''': ''[struggling to crawl]'' Nick... :'''Gary''': ''[off-screen]'' We... shall... succeed,... ''[Judy struggles to reach for the door, but collapses]'' Judy. :'''Judy''': ''[weakly]'' I can't... move, and... ''[looks at Gary]'' you're too... cold... to help... ''[off-screen]'' And he's gonna... Nick's gonna... :''[Thinking Judy is outside, Nick swings the steel door open. Once outside, Nick shields his eyes from the blizzard, looking for Judy.]'' :'''Gary''': ''[off-screen]'' Judy,... the world... was never meant... to be... on one animal's... shoulders... :''[As he turns around, Nick is confronted by Pawbert. Nick warily backs away upon seeing the venom injector in Pawbert's paw.]'' :'''Gary''': ''[crawling to Judy]'' That's why... my great-grandma... wanted... Zootopia... to be... for everyone,... ''[Judy sees Pawbert confronting Nick]'' so we could... ''all''... help each-other. :'''Judy''': ''[tears up; guilty]'' I... ''didn't''... help. :''[Outside, Nick is still backing away from Pawbert.]'' :'''Gary''': ''[off-screen]'' You ''did''. ''[slowly crawling]'' You chose... to help me... and became... my... best warm-blooded... friend. ''[touches Judy with his tail; his eyes glow]'' ''Very'' warm. ''[senses Judy's body heat; smiles]'' Permission... to hug? :''[When Judy weakly nods "yes", Gary softly coils around her as the ice crystals on his scales start melting thanks to Judy's body heat, restoring him.]'' :'''Gary''': ''[sees Pawbert with his fanny bag through the monitor]'' We're gonna save you and save your friend. ''[Judy smiles, then passes out; worried]'' Judy? ''[officers Higgins, Chévre, and Bücheron enter the control room]'' Aah! :'''Officer Higgins''': ''[points at Gary in fright]'' Hey, he's gonna eat that rabbit! :'''Gary''': ''[panicked]'' No, wait! ''[backing away]'' I-I'm saving her! I'm gonna get her the anti-pen! <hr width=50%> :''[Outside the Sahara-Tundratown weather wall, Nick is still backing away from Pawbert, not noticing his footing.]'' :'''Nick''': ''[about Judy]'' Where is she? :'''Pawbert''': ''[blankly]'' She, uh... She didn't make it. ''[Nick turns mortified]'' But with snake bites, you... go fast... You'll see. :''[Inside the control room, Gary, surrounded by officers Higgins and Bloats, quickly swings a telephone at Higgins' head, angering him and Bloats. On the roof, Pawbert aggressively tackles Nick to the ice, trying to stab him with his venom injector. Back in the control room, Chèvre tries to tackle Gary, but he slithers aside while still coiling around a passed-out Judy. Gary tries to leave the control room, but Officer Bücheron stops him from doing so.]'' :'''Gary''': No! ''[looks at Judy, who is losing strength]'' :''[Officer Bloats attacks Gary alongside the other officers as they try to restrain him. Back outside, Nick tries to stop Pawbert from injecting him.]'' :'''Pawbert''': She ''gone'', Nick! Just... get it over with! :''[As Nick struggles to kick and push Pawbert off him, he kicks at Gary's fanny bag and knocks a bunch of markers out of it that fall down an ice ledge. Back inside the control room, Gary struggles to free himself from the officers until he sees some of his markers falling from outside, then gasps in shock upon seeing through the monitor that Nick is struggling against Pawbert on the roof.]'' :'''Pawbert''': You're done! Know when to '''quit'''! :''[The ice underneath Nick and Pawbert starts cracking, when suddenly...]'' :'''Gary''': ''[off-screen]'' Anti-venom! ''[Nick looks down; pops out]'' You can save her with the anti-venom! Throw me the bag! ''[the officers yank him back inside, revealing Judy's unconscious body]'' :'''Nick''': Judy! :''[Upon noticing Gary's anti-venom pen, Nick kicks Pawbert off him, flipping each-other over and causing the cliff to crack. Nick and Pawbert start wrestling for the fanny bag until the pen drops out of it towards the edge of the cliff. As the cliff rumbles again, Nick prepares to grab the pen, but...]'' :'''Pawbert''': ''[grabs Nick's paw; desperate]'' Leave it! You're gonna kill us both! It's not worth dying for. :'''Nick''': ''[glances at the anti-venom pen]'' Agree... ''[glares at Pawbert]'' to disagree. ''[shoves Pawbert away, slides down, grabs the anti-venom pen, and throws it to the fire escape, allowing Gary to barely grab it]'' :''[Nick briefly smiles before he starts losing grip as the ledge gives out. In the control room, Gary uncoils Judy and activates his anti-venom pen.]'' :'''Anti-Venom Pen''': Stab me straight into the heart! :''[As Gary stabs his pen into Judy's heart, she recovers instantly, gasping in shock. Seeing Nick on the verge of falling to his demise, Judy kicks Bloats and Higgins off Gary before knocking Rhinowitz out in a rush to save him. As the cliff shatters, Nick and Pawbert both start to fall to their deaths, but Judy quickly grabs Nick's paw with Gary's help, who grabs Judy, as Pawbert falls]'' <hr width=50%> :''[After Gary saved Judy and Nick from falling to their deaths, they look at each-other worriedly before rushing to hug each-other in relief, they both begin weeping]'' :'''Judy''': I was trying to get you... :'''Nick''': He told me that you... That you were... :'''Judy''': And I saw you... :''[Nick and Judy stop hugging and stare at each-other with watery eyes, much to Gary's awkwardness.]'' :'''Gary''': ''[blushing]'' I'll... help your friend. ''[slithers off to help Nibbles]'' :'''Nick''': ''[hesitantly]'' Okay. I- I don't- I don't ''care'' that we're different... you know? I- What I care about… is you. I care about you. Okay? And I didn’t say it. I should've said it, but I didn't... because... ''[shrugs]'' Uh… Well… ''[chuckles nervously]'' 'cause I ''am'' an emotionally insecure source of your discomfort who's not good at expressing his feelings. Probably because I've been on my own my whole life. It's not an excuse; It's just... ''[awkwardly scratches his neck]'' it's why instead of telling you that you're the best thing that ever happened to me, ''[Judy smiles]'' I-I make jokes about your ears and-and I tell you that you try too hard, when, you know, the truth is: I just don't want you to get hurt because… because no one else in the world ''matters'' more to me than you do. :'''Judy''': ''[holding back her tears; talking fast]'' I… I do try too hard because deep down I'm afraid I am what everyone thinks I am, and I suppress my discomfort because I'm worried it makes me look weak and I wanna be strong, and I think I'm failing all the time and I only take what you say personally because you're the only one in my life who ever believed in me, even when I don't even believe in myself. And I should have told you that… ''[pouts]'' No one else in the ''world'' matters to me more than you do, either... :'''Nick''': ''[pauses; almost entranced]'' I have unresolved childhood trauma that I refuse to discuss because being vulnerable scares me. :'''Judy''': I make dangerous choices because I have an unhealthy bunny hero complex. :'''Nick''': ''[teary]'' And I didn’t join the ZPD because I wanted to be a cop; I joined because I always wanted to be part of a pack… and the thought of losing you scares me because… ''[whispering softly]'' because you’re my pack. :'''Judy''': ''[sobbing]'' I should never have left you. And I ''do'' need a herd of therapy animals, and I should've told you that you're the only partner I would ever want because… you're my fluffle. :'''Nick''': ''[perplexed]'' Hm... Um...? :'''Judy''': ''[crying]'' That's a bunch of rabbits! :''[Nick and Judy giggle as the former smiles at her warmly and the latter wipes her tears away.]'' :'''Nibbles''': ''[after she got healed; arrives with Gary beside her]'' Whoo! Now ''that'' is what we call an overshare. I’m alive, by the way. I made it. <hr width=50%> :''[Judy and Nick are closing in on Pawbert as he reaches the clock tower, when a chasm tears open between them.]'' :'''Judy''': I'm gonna jump! ''[leaps outside the snowcat, ready to do so, but...]'' :'''Nick''': ''[playfully grabs her paw]'' Zoogetherness! Huh? ''[serious]'' No, never mind. Forget I said it; here we go! ''[leaps off the snowcat with Judy, knocking the gasoline and matches away from Pawbert]'' :'''Pawbert''': ''[frantically digging in the snow]'' Matches, matches, matches, matches! :''[When Pawbert finds the matchbox, it suddenly vanishes in the snow, much to his surprise.]'' :'''Judy''': ''[pops out of the hole]'' Bunnies... we're burrowers. Rabbit kick! ''[kicks at Pawbert, allowing Nick to trip him, then fist bumps Nick]'' :''[However, Pawbert emerges from the snow, growling and grinning evilly, as he pounces on Nick and Judy and strangles them, ready to tear them apart.]'' :'''Pawbert''': ''[insanely]'' I'll destroy the patent, that town, and ''everything'' in it. And a '''dirtbag fox''' and a ''[pushes Judy's head deeper in the snow]'' '''dumb bunny''' will ''never'' stand in my way! :''[Nick and Judy briefly exchange glances before the former glares at Pawbert.]'' :'''Nick''': ''[under his breath; defensively]'' She's not a dumb bunny and you're forgetting one thing...! ''[smirks]'' :'''Pawbert''': ''[grinning]'' What's that? :'''Nick''': We're friends with a snake! ==Taglines== * Hopps works hard, Wilde plays it cool. * They're back with a twissst. * Zootopia will be changed furrrever! ==Cast== * {{w|Ginnifer Goodwin}} — Judy Hopps * {{w|Jason Bateman}} — Nick Wilde * [[Ke Huy Quan]] — Gary De'Snake * [[w:Fortune Feimster|Fortune Feimster]] — Nibbles Maplestick * [[Andy Samberg]] — Pawbert Lynxley * {{w|David Strathairn}} — Milton Lynxley * [[Shakira]] — Gazelle * [[Idris Elba]] — Chief Bogo * [[Patrick Warburton]] — Mayor Brian Winddancer * {{w|Quinta Brunson}} — Dr. Fuzzby * [[Danny Trejo]] — Jesús * [[w:Alan Tudyk|Alan Tudyk]] — Duke Weaselton * {{w|Nate Torrence}} — Officer Benjamin Clawhauser * {{w|Don Lake}} — Stu Hopps * {{w|Bonnie Hunt}} — Bonnie Hopps * {{w|Jenny Slate}} — Dawn Bellwether * {{w|Cecily Strong}} — Little Judith * John Anoa'i and Phil Brooks — Gene Zebraxton and Gene Zebrowski * {{w|Michelle Gomez}} — Captain Hoggbottom * {{w|Josh Gad}} — Paul Moldebrant * {{w|Peter Mansbridge}} — Peter Moosebridge * [[w:Tiny Lister|Tiny Lister]] — Finnick ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Zootopia 2}} * {{IMDb title|id=26443597|title=Zootopia 2}} [[Category:2025 films]] [[Category:2025 American animated films]] [[Category:2025 computer-animated films]] [[Category:2020s American animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American 3D animated films]] [[Category:Animated buddy films]] [[Category:Sequel films]] [[Category:Conspiracy films]] [[Category:Animated films about rabbits and hares]] [[Category:Animated films about foxes]] [[Category:Films about snakes]] [[Category:Films about lizards]] [[Category:Animated films about big cats]] [[Category:Animated films about horses]] [[Category:Films with archival recordings]] [[Category:Films directed by Jared Bush]] [[Category:Films directed by Byron Howard]] [[Category:American sequel films]] c8y7ocnpljtvfquskrsc65fjym5i2s2 0 300125 3949378 3935557 2026-06-06T01:07:19Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949378 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:My Hero Academia|My Hero Academia]]''''' is a Japanese manga series created by '''[[w:Kōhei Horikoshi|Kōhei Horikoshi]]'''. ==Dialogue== *'''Deku''': I want people to see my fearless smile and feel safe, and be the kind of hero everyone in the world looks up to... Just like you! *'''Bakugo''': In the end it doesn't change what I have to do... I'll become a hero that surpasses even you! Deku! *'''All Might''': It is fine now. Do you know why? Because I am here! *'''Uraraka''': Who protects the heroes whenever they're the ones who are hurting the most? *'''Todoroki''': If you want to stop this, then stand up! Because I've got one thing to say to you. Never forget who you want to become! ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Anime_and_manga_series]] [[Category:Japanese_TV_shows]] [[Category:Science_fiction_TV_shows]] [[Category:Fantasy_TV_shows]] [[Category:Action_TV_shows]] [[Category:Adventure_TV_shows]] [[Category:Comedy_TV_shows]] [[Category:Superhero_TV_shows]] 4fpeqctraauoaah8mj2qn22y3tf03cf 0 300230 3949280 3901544 2026-06-05T17:29:42Z Marm1981 3336893 Changed the whole thing. 3949280 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Hong Kong 97|Hong Kong 97]]''''' is 1995 shooter video game released by Happysoft for the SNES, considered one of worst game for the console. ==Introduction== *The year 1997 has arrived. A herd of fuckin' ugly reds.{{Sic}} are rushing from the mainland. *Crime rate skyrockeded!{{sic}} Hongkong{{sic}} is ruined! Therefore, the Hongkong{{sic}} government called [[Bruce Lee]]'s relative "[[Jackie Chan|Chin]]" for the massacre of the Reds. *Chin is a killer machine. Wipe out all 1.2 billion of the red communists! However, in mainland China, there was a secret project in progress! A project to transform the deceased Tong Shau Ping{{sic}} into an ultimate weapon! [[File:Jackie_Chan_-_2025_Locarno_Film_Festival.jpg|thumb|right|[[Jackie Chan]], the sprite for Bruce Lee's relative "Chin".]] {{Wikipedia|Hong Kong 97 (video game)}} [[Category:1995 video games]] hapjids510y99qld41ocivmxg2sxcsr 3949281 3949280 2026-06-05T17:32:20Z Marm1981 3336893 3949281 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Hong Kong 97|Hong Kong 97]]''''' is 1995 shooter video game released by Happysoft for the SNES, considered one of worst game for the console. ==Introduction== :The year 1997 has arrived. A herd of fuckin' ugly reds.{{Sic}} are rushing from the mainland. <hr width="25%"/> :Crime rate skyrockeded!{{sic}} Hongkong{{sic}} is ruined! Therefore, the Hongkong{{sic}} government called [[Bruce Lee]]'s relative "[[Jackie Chan|Chin]]" for the massacre of the Reds. <hr width="25%"/> :Chin is a killer machine. Wipe out all 1.2 billion of the red communists! However, in mainland China, there was a secret project in progress! A project to transform the deceased Tong Shau Ping{{sic}} into an ultimate weapon! [[File:Jackie_Chan_-_2025_Locarno_Film_Festival.jpg|thumb|right|[[Jackie Chan]], the sprite for Bruce Lee's relative "Chin".]] {{Wikipedia|Hong Kong 97 (video game)}} [[Category:1995 video games]] jauul19hu8j3wbhreuahhrict1hko1a 0 300878 3949444 3857003 2026-06-06T06:27:24Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Quotes */ 3949444 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Saint Remy et Clovis Ier (cropped).jpg|thumb|Worship what you burned; burn what you worshipped.]] '''[[w:Saint Remigius|Remigius]]''' (French: ''Remy'' or ''Rémi''; c. 437 – 13 January 533) was the Bishop of Reims and "Apostle of the Franks". On 25 December 496, he baptised Clovis I, King of the Franks. The baptism, leading to about 3000 additional converts, was an important event in the Christianization of the Franks. == Quotes == * ''Mitis depone colla, Sigamber; adora quod incendisti, incende quod adorasti.'' ** Gently bend your neck, [[w:Sicambri|Sigamber]]; worship what you burned; burn what you worshipped. ** Advice to [[Clovis I|King Clovis]] (25 December 496) in [[Gregory of Tours]], ''Historia Francorum'', bk. 2, sec. 31 (tr. [[w:Ernest Brehaut|Ernest Brehaut]], 1916). French quoted in [[Norbert Guterman]], ''A Book of French Quotations'' (1963), p. vi: "''Adore ce que tu as brûlé, brûle ce que tu as adoré.''" == External links == {{Wikipedia}} * French: ''Brule ce que tu as adoré, et adore ce que tu a brulé!'' [https://artmuseum.princeton.edu/collections/objects/10904 "Brule ce que tu as adoré, et adore ... (x1967-61)"], ''Princeton University Art Museum''. Variant: ''Adore ce que tu as brûlé, brûlé ce que tu as adoré.'' C. Samaran, [http://www.jstor.org/stable/44585636 "Mots Historiques de la Vieille France"], ''Revue Des Deux Mondes'' (1952) p. 127 [[Category:5th century births]] [[Category:6th century deaths]] [[Category:Catholics from France]] [[Category:Roman Catholic bishops]] [[Category:Latin authors]] ja4as80da02t11dr948gfjnpatu97zn 0 301261 3949473 3892164 2026-06-06T07:36:49Z ~2026-23547-49 3311496 /* Dialogue */ 3949473 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:One-Trick Pony (film)|One-Trick Pony]]''''' is a [[w:1980 in film|1980 film]] about Jonah, a once famous musician attempting to record a new album in the face of losing popularity. :''Directed by [[w:Robert M. Young (director)|Robert M. Young]]. Written by [[Paul Simon]].'' {{center/s}}'''Rock 'n' roll will give you some laughs...but it won't do you any favors.'''{{center/e}} == Jonah Levin == * Well, what do you expect? "A grown man living in a kid's world." What do you think I'm doing out there? Cashing in my E tickets for a ride through the Magic Kingdom? You think I'm playing my gigs in The Haunted House? * See, it's not that we don't want to have our heart torn out, it's just that we're trying to make a ballsy record here. * ''[Reading Matty's song lyrics to Marion]'' "Hey, baby, don't be cruel. I'm gonna pick you up and we'll have a date at the pizza parlor. You can have a pizza, and I can have one, too. But you didn't want a pizza, so I said 'So long, babe.'" See that? And you were worried that he was going to be a songwriter. == Dialogue == :'''Hare Krishna''': ''[Offering Jonah a book]'' You said that your mind is troubled, why don't you check it out, brother? :'''Jonah''': You know, this is such a minor point, I hate to even bring it up but... I have a brother. :'''Hare Krishna''': We're all brothers. :'''Jonah''': No, I mean I have a real brother. :'''Hare Krishna''': We're all real brothers! :'''Jonah''': Well, this real brother used to sleep in the other bed in my room. :'''Hare Krishna''': Look, look, all I'm saying to you is if you want to purify your existence, get into your spiritual self, check it out. :''[Jonah accepts the book]'' :'''Hare Krishna''': Okay, okay, Hare Krishna! :'''Jonah''': ''[Softly, as he walks away]'' Okay, okay, [[Harry Chapin]]. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clarence Franklin''': Hey, Junior, what time’s the first set? :'''Jonah''': Clarence, come right in! I mean, taking a bath’s usually a private moment for me. But I don’t mind sharing this time with you. :'''Clarence Franklin''': What time’s the first set? :'''Jonah''': Nine o’clock. But we leave at about 8:15. :'''Clarence Franklin''': ''[looking in the bath]'' That’s it, huh? :'''Jonah''': I am, after all, a Caucasian. :'''Clarence Franklin''': I understand, and I sympathize. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jonah''': Hey... Cal van Damp. What's the good word with you? :'''Cal van Damp''': Well, you're the bright boy, I figured you'd know. :'''Jonah''': Steatopygous. :'''Cal van Damp''': What? :'''Jonah''': Steatopygous. It means a large rump, a fat ass. :'''Cal van Damp''': Why's that the good word? :'''Jonah''': Well, it's like, see, what if I was to—if I was to say to you, "Cal, you have a very fat ass.", you could be offended. But if I say, "Hey! Good evening, Cal. You sure look steatopygous.", then you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, do you? :'''Cal van Damp''': Hope you don't have any plans for getting your records played on any radio stations. :'''Jonah''': Not really, no. :'''Cal van Damp''': Well you shouldn't, 'cause you won't get any. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jonah''': Well, what was I supposed to say? "Yes, Walter, I am sort of fucking your wife"? :'''Lonnie Fox''': Is that what we're doing? Sort of fucking? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Marion''': You don't always have to be sarcastic. :'''Jonah''': Well, I'm not always sarcastic. Well, I was sarcastic in the late seventies, maybe '77, '78, but really, since... February '79 I have hardly been sarcastic. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Marion''': It's the longest adolescence I have ever seen. Well, admit it, in six years, you'll be forty years old. Now, you've gone directly from adolescence to middle age. :'''Jonah''': In six years I'll be forty years old. In sixteen years, I'll be fifty years old. In twenty-six years, I'll be sixty years old. In a mere sixty-six years, I'll be a hundred years old. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jonah''': The fern is doing very well. :'''Marion''': Yes, the fern is doing well, it's doing very, very well. :'''Jonah''': You spray it regularly, do ya? :'''Marion''': I spray it every day, I talk to it, give it lots of encouragement. :'''Jonah''': ''[whispering]'' You haven't told her about our separation? :'''Marion''': No, absolutely not. I didn't think it would be wise at this time, it's just beginning to sprout new leaves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Marion''': What are you so afraid of? That young girls won't like you on the road? :'''Jonah''': I'll tell you what I'm afraid of, I'm afraid of you boring me to tears. Yeah, you know, Marion, you know, you used to, you know—YOU'RE SO FUCKING BORING! :''[Marion starts crying, Jonah hugs her]'' :'''Jonah''': I-I'm sorry. I don't know what you want. You want me to drive a cab? You want me to give guitar lessons to 13-year-old kids? I'm a player, that's what I do. :'''Marion''': No, I just want—I just ''wanted''... I just wish that when you were here, you were really ''here''. I mean, really with us. Not just sleeping here, or talking on the phone here, or trying to write songs here, but... here. A family. The road is the road. This was supposed to be home. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clarence Franklin''': What about our bread? :'''Jonah''': What about our bread? :'''Clarence Franklin''': Let me tell you something. We've been friends a long time. But I can't live on no $400 a week. It doesn't cover my alimony or my dope bills. :'''Danny Duggin''': What dope bills? You haven't bought anything in years! :'''Clarence Franklin''': Fuck you, years! :'''Jonah''': You're not the only one with alimony and dope bills. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jonah''': You got any percodans? :'''Marion''': No, but I got some aspirin in the bathroom. What's wrong? :'''Jonah''': Pain, uh... I got a pain. :'''Marion''': You really should watch it, you know, you just like to take pills. :'''Jonah''': Who, me? That's the truth. :'''Marion''': You sound like Matty. :'''Jonah''': I am Matty, just older. :'''Marion''': Here's your aspirin. :'''Jonah''': It's not what I really need. :'''Marion''': What do you need? :'''Jonah''': A job. :'''Marion''': A job? :'''Jonah''': A hug? :'''Marion''': Jonah, what are you talking about? :'''Jonah''': I figure the band is broken up. :'''Marion''': That's crazy, what about the album? :'''Jonah''': Gone. :'''Marion''': Well, I don't understand. I thought you said everything was going well. :''[Jonah hugs Marion and starts crying]'' :'''Marion''': You said everything was going well. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jonah''': We had some good times... Didn't we? :'''Marion''': Yeah, lots. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Last lines]'' :'''Jonah''': I think I left my glasses in the studio this afternoon. :'''Studio attendant''': Okay. == Cast == *[[Paul Simon]] - Jonah Levin *[[w:Blair Brown|Blair Brown]] - Marion Levin *[[w:Rip Torn|Rip Torn]] - Walter Fox *[[w:Joan Hackett|Joan Hackett]] - Lonnie Fox *[[w:Allen Garfield|Allen Garfield]] - Cal van Damp *[[w:Mare Winningham|Mare Winningham]] - Modeena Dandridge *[[w:Michael Pearlman|Michael Pearlman]] - Matty Levin *[[Lou Reed]] - Steve Kunelian *[[w:Steve Gadd|Steve Gadd]] - Danny Duggin *[[w:Eric Gale|Eric Gale]] - Lee-Andrew Parker *[[w:Tony Levin|Tony Levin]] - John Dibatista *[[w:Richard Tee|Richard Tee]] - Clarence Franklin *[[w:Harry Shearer|Harry Shearer]] - Bernie Wepner *[[w:Daniel Stern (actor)|Daniel Stern]] - Hare Krishna == External links == {{wikipedia|One-Trick Pony (film)}} * {{IMDb title|id=0081280|title=One-Trick Pony}} * {{Rotten-tomatoes|one_trick_pony}} [[Category:1980 films]] [[Category:1980s American films]] [[Category:Drama films]] [[Category:Films set in Cleveland]] [[Category:Rock music films]] ow1vq61rsirs696er2rjyzlecc47jfd 0 301391 3949396 3946360 2026-06-06T02:54:44Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 /* Caillou Joins the Circus (Eternally Suspended/Banned/Censored Episode) [1.2c] */ 3949396 wikitext text/x-wiki ==Season 1 (1997-1999)== ===Caillou Makes Cookies [1.1a]=== :'''Doris''': Caillou, what are you making? :'''Caillou''': ''[smiling softly]'' I'm making cookies. ===Caillou at Daycare [1.2b]=== :'''Leo''': ''[comes over to Caillou, but gets annoyed, and calls out to him]'' Hey! ''[snatches his one block from Caillou, causing the cup to spill over his shirt]'' These were my blocks! :'''Caillou''': ''[fearfully looking at his shirt, gasps in terror, and gets terrified where a glass of apple juice was spilled over it out of the cup, which made himself loudly, badly, and sadly screaming, and crying, in tears in his eyes, for his mom]'' <big><big><big>'''''MMMMMMAAAAAAMMMMMMAAAAAA!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big> ''[getting very upset in sadness]'' :'''Leo''': ''[rudely laughs to Caillou, and impolitely makes fun of him needing his mom]'' Your mama was gone. ''[smirkly walks away]'' ===Caillou Joins the Circus (Eternally Suspended/Banned/Censored Episode) [1.2c]=== :'''Caillou''': ''[while happily brushing his teeth, and remarks]'' I didn't need to be late for the circus. :'''Boris''': ''[confused]'' Hmm? The circus? ''[concerned, while trying to explain]'' Uh... nope. Caillou, this was not today. ''[bored, while proving to Caillou that he was very wrong]'' The circus wasn't until tomorrow. :'''Caillou''': ''[suddenly stops happily brushing his teeth before he gasps in terror, after he was incorrect, and gets too much distressed, and became very fearful, and terrified]'' Oh, no!!!!!! ''[getting very upset, and badly sadly whining, with his declaration]'' But it is today!!!!!! And I am getting all dressed!!!!!! ''[badly, and sadly crying, whining and sobbing with tears breaking down in his eyes, now being harassed by the fact that this was happening, over his big mistake]'' And that's today!!!!!! :'''Boris''': ''[grumpily neglecting Caillou's challenges]'' Aaaaaaaawwwwwwww! Come along, Caillou! ''[calmly tells Caillou to come downstairs to the kitchen]'' Just come downstairs and help me make breakfast. ''[walks out of the bathroom]'' :'''Caillou''': ''[now very promptly getting very pissed, out of rage, fierce, angry, tabooed, enraged, indignant, stubborn, and upset at Boris, and angrily, stubbornly, indignantly, and fiercely losing his temper, for pissing, enraging, and angering him, and denies, and won't come downstairs to the kitchen to help his dad make breakfast]'' No!!!!!! No, I can't do that!!!!!! ''[angrily, indignantly, and stubbornly sits down on the floor, and stays in the the bathroom, and fiercely, indignantly, stubbornly, and angrily growls with his mouth close, and his eyes open, then picks up his nearby toy car out of the toy bucket, and decides to play with it, to make himself feel a little better]'' Vroom, vroom, vroom! ''[mockingly vrooming, and playing his nearby toy car, with his very upset, pissed, stubborn, and angry face on, but until one of the wheels unintentionally got loose, and suddenly fell off on the floor, and then he gasps in terror, and became very fearful, and terrified again, and then picks up his nearby toy car, and then getting even more very pissed, hurtful, out of rage, sad, fierce, bad-tempered, enraged, stubborn, indignant, terrible, tabooed, disgusted, upset, angry, dangerous, rude, mean, and violent, and stubbornly, loudly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently outbursting into stubbornly, loudly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently screaming, crying, shouting, and calling his nearby toy car a very bad, stronger, profane, disgusting, indignant, mean, rude, and hurtful word, disregarding, and repeatedly using several times, but ignoring that it could hurt feelings, with tears breaking down in his eyes, and his eyes close, very tightly, and violently, fiercely, badly, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily shaking his nearby toy car]'' <big><big><big>'''''You stupid, ol' car!!!!!! You are stupid!!!!!!-Stupid!!!!!!-Stupid!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big> ''[violently, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily growling, with his eyes close, very tightly, and his mouth close, and badly, fiercely, stubbornly, angrily, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently throwing, and slamming his nearby toy car down on the floor away, when violently, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, angrily, stubbornly, terribly, and indignantly causing it to violently, fiercely, badly, completely, and terribly ruin, damage, wreck, break, destroy, and smash into thousands of pieces on purpose, and then indignantly, badly, loudly, sadly, fiercely, stubbornly, rudely, violently, and angrily screaming, shrieking, and crying, and bursting, and breaking down with tears coming out of his eyes, and while violently, angrily, badly, indignantly, loudly, fiercely, sadly, terribly, rudely, and stubbornly outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, disgraceful, gigantic, huge temper tantrum, in inertia, and badly, fiercely, sadly, terribly, stubbornly, violently, rudely, indignantly, and angrily feeling very cruel of what he had missed, and unfinished, while temperately heedless of how he had hurt feelings, and violently, angrily, badly, indignantly, fiercely, sadly, terribly, rudely, and stubbornly causing too much trouble, and violently, fiercely, terribly, sadly, badly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily having his really bad, too inappropriate, hurtful, dangerous, and violent misbehavior, and terribly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, violently, and angrily hurting, pounding, and banging his arms, and fists, and terribly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, angrily, and violently hurting, and kicking his legs, and feet against on the floor, over his completely ruined, damaged, wrecked, broken, destroyed, and smashed nearby toy car, and not coming to the circus today, and denies, and won't wait until tomorrow]'' <big><big><big>'''''WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big> :'''Storyteller''': ''[off-screen]'' Caillou was being a very bad boy now! But he was not coming to the circus today. :'''Boris''': ''[angrily, terribly, and rudely stunned, when angrily, terribly, and rudely hears Caillou, and was now getting very enraged, angry, terrible, and rude at him, in the approach, because of him, badly, sadly, fiercely, terribly, violently, stubbornly, angrily, rudely, and indignantly having his really bad, violent, dangerous, hurtful, and too inappropriate misbehavior, and terribly, fiercely, badly, sadly, rudely, violently, indignantly, stubbornly, and angrily outbursting having, and throwing himself a really violent, disgraceful, huge, gigantic, and temper tantrum, in inertia, terribly, loudly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, violently, rudely, indignantly, and angrily causing too much trouble, and terribly, loudly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, violently, rudely, indignantly, and angrily screaming, shouting, and crying a very bad, disgusting, rude, indignant, stronger, profane, hurtful, and mean word, disregarding, and that he hurts feelings, and now coming back to the bathroom, and returning to the bathroom, and angrily, terribly, and rudely growling, and angrily, terribly, and rudley running over Caillou, while angrily, terribly, and rudely knocking him down, with his foot, by angrily, terribly, and rudely making him stop outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, disgraceful, gigantic, and huge temper tantrum, in inertia, and having his really bad violent, dangerous, hurtful, and too inappropriate misbehavior, and causing too much trouble, and now arriving this time, while holding Rosie, who was very scared, upset, and crying, breaking down with tears in her eyes, when Caillou was waking her up, by outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, disgraceful, gigantic, amd huge temper tantrum, in inertia, and having his really bad, violent, dangerous, hurtful, and too inappropriate misbehavior, and causing too much trouble, and angrily, terribly, and rudely thundering at Caillou, and angrily, terribly, and rudely blaming him for not coming downstairs to the kitchen, and looking like he was angrily, terribly, and rudely getting ready to angrily, terribly, and rudely punish him, for one whole day, for the very first time, for outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, disgraceful, gigantic, and huge temper tantrum, in inertia, over not coming to the circus today, and having his really bad, hurtful, too inappropriate, dangerous, and violent misbehavior, and screaming, crying, and shouting a very bad, stronger, profane, disgusting, indignant, mean, rude, and hurtful word, disregarding, and repeatedly using several times, and that he hurts feelings, and causing too much trouble]'' Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!! Get along, Caillou!!!!!! Stop all that racket!!!!!! You are waking up Rosie!!!!!! ''[still significantly, roughly, seriously, and sternly commands Caillou that he will still immediately come downstairs to the kitchen to help him make breakfast quickly]'' I need you to come right down the stairs, now. :'''Storyteller''': ''[off-screen]'' Even though, Caillou's papa has started to get really angry at him. ''[Boris angrily, terribly, and rudely strikes, and glares at Caillou, while angrily, terribly, and rudely growling again at him, with his mouth close, and his eyes open, and before angrily, terribly, and rudely growling again, with his mouth open, his eyes open, and his teeth close, and turns around, while angrily, terribly, and rudely stomping away out from the bathroom, and angrily, terribly, and rudely stomping away downstairs to the kitchen, holding Rosie, who was very upset, scared, and crying, breaking down with tears in her eyes]'' :'''Caillou''': ''[gets very terrified, panicked, frightened, and fearful again, after he badly, sadly, fiercely, terribly, indignantly, stubbornly, regretfully, and angrily misjudged, confronted, and disobeyed Boris, and his order, and got in big deep trouble, and punished, for one whole day, for the very first time, and got very pissed, hurtful, frustrated, out of rage, tabooed, upset, bad-tempered, angry, indignant, fierce, stubborn, enraged, terrible, sad, panicky, scared, and regretful, then gets up, angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, indignantly, and regretfully grunting, sobbing, whining, and crying with tears in his eyes]'' But why can't I go to the circus today?!!!?!!! ''[angrily, badly, indignantly, fiercely, stubbornly, and terribly growling again with his mouth close, when angrily, badly, indignantly, fiercely, stubbornly, and terribly kicking aside his completely ruined, damaged, wrecked, broken, destroyed, and smashed nearby toy car away on the floor, and started indignantly, angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully running away from the bathroom, indignantly, angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully storming off out of the bathroom, and indignantly, angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully running after Boris, feeling very indignant, scared, fierce, enraged, tabooed, bad-tempered, panicky, sad, stubborn, regretful, terrible, angry, out of rage, pissed, hurtful, frustrated, and upset, over not coming to the circus today, until tomorrow, but about him wanting to go to the circus today, badly, sadly, fiercely, terribly, angrily, stubbornly, and indignantly confronting, whining, sobbing, sniffing, grunting, and crying, about his punishment, for the very first time, that he got, for one whole day, breaking down with tears in his eyes, before coming downstairs to the kitchen to help his dad make breakfast, but still denies, and won't help him make breakfast]'' I want to go to the circus today!!!!!! 4sueyn2a4nb58u00fznfi0oms8j32cr 3949398 3949396 2026-06-06T02:58:33Z ~2026-33456-03 3336788 /* Caillou Joins the Circus (Eternally Suspended/Banned/Censored Episode) [1.2c] */ 3949398 wikitext text/x-wiki ==Season 1 (1997-1999)== ===Caillou Makes Cookies [1.1a]=== :'''Doris''': Caillou, what are you making? :'''Caillou''': ''[smiling softly]'' I'm making cookies. ===Caillou at Daycare [1.2b]=== :'''Leo''': ''[comes over to Caillou, but gets annoyed, and calls out to him]'' Hey! ''[snatches his one block from Caillou, causing the cup to spill over his shirt]'' These were my blocks! :'''Caillou''': ''[fearfully looking at his shirt, gasps in terror, and gets terrified where a glass of apple juice was spilled over it out of the cup, which made himself loudly, badly, and sadly screaming, and crying, in tears in his eyes, for his mom]'' <big><big><big>'''''MMMMMMAAAAAAMMMMMMAAAAAA!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big> ''[getting very upset in sadness]'' :'''Leo''': ''[rudely laughs to Caillou, and impolitely makes fun of him needing his mom]'' Your mama was gone. ''[smirkly walks away]'' ===Caillou Joins the Circus (Eternally Suspended/Banned/Censored Episode) [1.2c]=== :'''Caillou''': ''[while happily brushing his teeth, and remarks]'' I didn't need to be late for the circus. :'''Boris''': ''[confused]'' Hmm? The circus? ''[concerned, while trying to explain]'' Uh... nope. Caillou, this was not today. ''[bored, while proving to Caillou that he was very wrong]'' The circus wasn't until tomorrow. :'''Caillou''': ''[suddenly stops happily brushing his teeth before he gasps in terror, after he was incorrect, and gets too much distressed, and became very fearful, and terrified]'' Oh, no!!!!!! ''[getting very upset, and badly sadly whining, with his declaration]'' But it is today!!!!!! And I am getting all dressed!!!!!! ''[badly, and sadly crying, whining and sobbing with tears breaking down in his eyes, now being harassed by the fact that this was happening, over his big mistake]'' And that's today!!!!!! :'''Boris''': ''[grumpily neglecting Caillou's challenges]'' Aaaaaaaawwwwwwww! Come along, Caillou! ''[calmly tells Caillou to come downstairs to the kitchen]'' Just come downstairs and help me make breakfast. ''[walks out of the bathroom]'' :'''Caillou''': ''[now very promptly getting very pissed, out of rage, fierce, angry, tabooed, enraged, indignant, stubborn, and upset at Boris, and angrily, stubbornly, indignantly, and fiercely losing his temper, for pissing, enraging, and angering him, and denies, and won't come downstairs to the kitchen to help his dad make breakfast]'' No!!!!!! No, I can't do that!!!!!! ''[angrily, indignantly, and stubbornly sits down on the floor, and stays in the the bathroom, and fiercely, indignantly, stubbornly, and angrily growls with his mouth close, and his eyes open, then picks up his nearby toy car out of the toy bucket, and decides to play with it, to make himself feel a little better]'' Vroom, vroom, vroom! ''[mockingly vrooming, and playing his nearby toy car, with his very upset, pissed, stubborn, and angry face on, but until one of the wheels unintentionally got loose, and suddenly fell off on the floor, and then he gasps in terror, and became very fearful, and terrified again, and then picks up his nearby toy car, and then getting even more very pissed, hurtful, out of rage, sad, fierce, bad-tempered, enraged, stubborn, indignant, terrible, tabooed, disgusted, upset, angry, dangerous, rude, mean, and violent, and stubbornly, loudly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently outbursting into stubbornly, loudly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently screaming, crying, shouting, and calling his nearby toy car a very bad, stronger, profane, disgusting, indignant, mean, rude, and hurtful word, disregarding, and repeatedly using several times, but ignoring that it could hurt feelings, with tears breaking down in his eyes, and his eyes close, very tightly, and violently, fiercely, badly, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily shaking his nearby toy car]'' <big><big><big>'''''You stupid, ol' car!!!!!! You are stupid!!!!!!-Stupid!!!!!!-Stupid!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big> ''[violently, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily growling, with his eyes close, very tightly, and his mouth close, and badly, fiercely, stubbornly, angrily, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently throwing, and slamming his nearby toy car down on the floor away, when violently, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, angrily, stubbornly, terribly, and indignantly causing it to violently, fiercely, badly, completely, and terribly ruin, damage, wreck, break, destroy, and smash into thousands of pieces on purpose, and then indignantly, badly, loudly, sadly, fiercely, stubbornly, rudely, violently, and angrily screaming, shrieking, and crying, and bursting, and breaking down with tears coming out of his eyes, and while violently, angrily, badly, indignantly, loudly, fiercely, sadly, terribly, rudely, and stubbornly outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, disgraceful, gigantic, huge temper tantrum, in inertia, and badly, fiercely, sadly, terribly, stubbornly, violently, rudely, indignantly, and angrily feeling very cruel of what he had missed, and unfinished, while temperately heedless of how he had hurt feelings, and violently, angrily, badly, indignantly, fiercely, sadly, terribly, rudely, and stubbornly causing too much trouble, and violently, fiercely, terribly, sadly, badly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily having his really bad, too inappropriate, hurtful, dangerous, and violent misbehavior, and terribly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, violently, and angrily hurting, pounding, and banging his arms, and fists, and terribly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, angrily, and violently hurting, and kicking his legs, and feet against on the floor, over his completely ruined, damaged, wrecked, broken, destroyed, and smashed nearby toy car, and not coming to the circus today, and denies, and won't wait until tomorrow]'' <big><big><big>'''''WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big> :'''Storyteller''': ''[off-screen]'' Caillou was being a very bad boy now! But he was not coming to the circus today. :'''Boris''': ''[angrily, terribly, and rudely stunned, when angrily, terribly, and rudely hears Caillou, and was now getting very enraged, angry, terrible, and rude at him, in the approach, because of him, badly, sadly, fiercely, terribly, violently, stubbornly, angrily, rudely, and indignantly having his really bad, violent, dangerous, hurtful, and too inappropriate misbehavior, and terribly, fiercely, badly, sadly, rudely, violently, indignantly, stubbornly, and angrily outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, disgraceful, huge, gigantic, and temper tantrum, in inertia, terribly, loudly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, violently, rudely, indignantly, and angrily causing too much trouble, and terribly, loudly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, violently, rudely, indignantly, and angrily screaming, shouting, and crying a very bad, disgusting, rude, indignant, stronger, profane, hurtful, and mean word, disregarding, and that he hurts feelings, and now coming back to the bathroom, and returning to the bathroom, and angrily, terribly, and rudely growling, and angrily, terribly, and rudley running over Caillou, while angrily, terribly, and rudely knocking him down, with his foot, by angrily, terribly, and rudely making him stop outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, disgraceful, gigantic, and huge temper tantrum, in inertia, and having his really bad violent, dangerous, hurtful, and too inappropriate misbehavior, and causing too much trouble, and now arriving this time, while holding Rosie, who was very scared, and upset, and wailing, and crying, breaking down with tears in her eyes, when Caillou was woke her up, by outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, disgraceful, gigantic, amd huge temper tantrum, in inertia, and having his really bad, violent, dangerous, hurtful, and too inappropriate misbehavior, and causing too much trouble, and angrily, terribly, and rudely thundering at Caillou, and angrily, terribly, and rudely blaming him for not coming downstairs to the kitchen, and looking like he was angrily, terribly, and rudely getting ready to angrily, terribly, and rudely punish him, for one whole day, for the very first time, for outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, disgraceful, gigantic, and huge temper tantrum, in inertia, over not coming to the circus today, and having his really bad, hurtful, too inappropriate, dangerous, and violent misbehavior, and screaming, crying, and shouting a very bad, stronger, profane, disgusting, indignant, mean, rude, and hurtful word, disregarding, and repeatedly using several times, and that he hurts feelings, and causing too much trouble]'' Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!! Get along, Caillou!!!!!! Stop all that racket!!!!!! You've woke up Rosie!!!!!! ''[still significantly, roughly, seriously, and sternly commands Caillou that he will still immediately come downstairs to the kitchen to help him make breakfast quickly]'' I need you to come right down the stairs, now. :'''Storyteller''': ''[off-screen]'' Even though, Caillou's papa has started to get really angry at him. ''[Boris angrily, terribly, and rudely strikes, and glares at Caillou, while angrily, terribly, and rudely growling again at him, with his mouth close, and his eyes open, and before angrily, terribly, and rudely growling again, with his mouth open, his eyes open, and his teeth close, and turns around, while angrily, terribly, and rudely stomping away out from the bathroom, and angrily, terribly, and rudely stomping away downstairs to the kitchen, holding Rosie, who was very upset, and scared, wailing, and crying, breaking down with tears in her eyes]'' :'''Caillou''': ''[gets very terrified, panicked, frightened, and fearful again, after he badly, sadly, fiercely, terribly, indignantly, stubbornly, regretfully, and angrily misjudged, confronted, and disobeyed Boris, and his order, and got in big deep trouble, and punished, for one whole day, for the very first time, and got very pissed, hurtful, frustrated, out of rage, tabooed, upset, bad-tempered, angry, indignant, fierce, stubborn, enraged, terrible, sad, panicky, scared, and regretful, then gets up, angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, indignantly, and regretfully grunting, sobbing, whining, and crying with tears in his eyes]'' But why can't I go to the circus today?!!!?!!! ''[angrily, badly, indignantly, fiercely, stubbornly, and terribly growling again with his mouth close, when angrily, badly, indignantly, fiercely, stubbornly, and terribly kicking aside his completely ruined, damaged, wrecked, broken, destroyed, and smashed nearby toy car away on the floor, and started indignantly, angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully running away from the bathroom, indignantly, angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully storming off out of the bathroom, and indignantly, angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully running after Boris, feeling very indignant, scared, fierce, enraged, tabooed, bad-tempered, panicky, sad, stubborn, regretful, terrible, angry, out of rage, pissed, hurtful, frustrated, and upset, over not coming to the circus today, until tomorrow, but about him wanting to go to the circus today, badly, sadly, fiercely, terribly, angrily, stubbornly, and indignantly confronting, whining, sobbing, sniffing, grunting, and crying, about his punishment, for the very first time, that he got, for one whole day, breaking down with tears in his eyes, before coming downstairs to the kitchen to help his dad make breakfast, but still denies, and won't help him make breakfast]'' I want to go to the circus today!!!!!! oavu7hq1umlnrg635leqw5t3uve0wde 0 302164 3949160 3947762 2026-06-05T12:17:36Z ~2026-33393-71 3336766 /* Milton Fruchtman */ 3949160 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Adolf_Eichmann_takes_notes_during_his_trial_USHMM_65268.jpg|thumb|right|'''Leo Hurwitz''': How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?...]] '''''[[w:The Eichmann Show|The Eichmann Show]]''''' is a [[w:2015 in film|2015]] [[w:BBC Television|BBC]] television drama film. Set in Israel in 1961, after the events of former [[w:Schutzstaffel|SS officer]] [[Adolf Eichmann]]'s [[w:Adolf Eichmann's capture|capture]] and arrest, it focuses on the true story of how American TV producer Milton Fruchtman and blacklisted TV director [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] came to broadcast the [[w:Eichmann trial|Eichmann trial]]. :''Directed by [[w:Paul Andrew Williams|Paul Andrew Williams]]. Written by [[w:Simon Block|Simon Block]].'' {{center|'''The Nazi Trial of the Century.'''<small></small>}} ==[[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]]== * Gentlemen, I don't believe in monsters. But I do believe that men are responsible for monstrous deeds. * Now we have three days to become a team. To act, to act, to act, as one. * All right, gentlemen, rehearsal is over. * ''[speaking to a camera man, intensely looking at a close-up of Eichmann's expressionless face on a screen]'' Get close on his eyes. Get close on his eyes. * ''[looking at Eichmann's expressionless reaction to the video evidence on the screen]'' How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?... ''[throws something at the screen in furious emotional anger] Where the f*** are you?!!'' ==Milton Fruchtman== * ''[introducing David Landor to Leo]'' David, we finally have our director. * Only in proportion as publicity has place can any of the checks applicable to judicial justice operate. Where there is no publicity, there is no justice... Publicity is the very soul of justice... It keeps the judge himself while trying under trial. The security of securities is publicity. * All right, gentlemen. This is it. Moment of truth. ==Dialogue== ==Cast== * [[w:Martin Freeman|Martin Freeman]] - Milton Fruchtman * [[w:Anthony LaPaglia|Anthony LaPaglia]] - [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] * [[w:Rebecca Front|Rebecca Front]] - Mrs Landau * [[w:Andy Nyman|Andy Nywan]] - David Landor * [[w:Nicholas Woodeson|Nicholas Woodeson]] - [[w:Jakob Jonilowicz|Yaakov Jonilowicz]] * [[w:Ben Addis|Ben Addis]] - Ron Huntsman * [[w:Caroline Bartleet|Caroline Bartleet]] - Judy Gold * Ed Birch - Millek Knebel * Zora Bishop - Eva Fruchtman * Dylan Edwards - Roy Sedwell * Nathaniel Gleed - Tommy Hurwitz * [[w:Ben Lloyd-Hughes|Ben LLoyd-Hughes]] - Alan Rosenthal * Vaidotas Martinaitis - [[Adolf Eichmann]] * Nell Mooney - ''[[New York Times]]'' Journalist's Wife * Solomon Mousley - Perry * [[w:Anna-Louise Plowman|Anna-Louise Plowman]] - [[w:Jane Dudley|Jane Hurwitz]] * [[w:Ian Porter (actor)|Ian Porter]] - ''New York Times'' Journalist * Justin Salinger - David Arad * [[w:Samuel West|Samuel West]] - Narrator ==See also== * ''[[Operation Finale]]'', set in 1960 about Eichmann's capture by the Israeli intelligence agency [[w:Mossad|Mossad]]. ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=4163668|title=The Eichmann Show}} [[Category:2015 films]] [[Category:2010s British films]] [[Category:Films set in the 1960s]] 4s1gtvol18i04urwlysstm8zaicwl62 3949161 3949160 2026-06-05T12:23:14Z Filmator1 3314256 /* Leo Hurwitz */ 3949161 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Adolf_Eichmann_takes_notes_during_his_trial_USHMM_65268.jpg|thumb|right|'''Leo Hurwitz''': How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?...]] '''''[[w:The Eichmann Show|The Eichmann Show]]''''' is a [[w:2015 in film|2015]] [[w:BBC Television|BBC]] television drama film. Set in Israel in 1961, after the events of former [[w:Schutzstaffel|SS officer]] [[Adolf Eichmann]]'s [[w:Adolf Eichmann's capture|capture]] and arrest, it focuses on the true story of how American TV producer Milton Fruchtman and blacklisted TV director [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] came to broadcast the [[w:Eichmann trial|Eichmann trial]]. :''Directed by [[w:Paul Andrew Williams|Paul Andrew Williams]]. Written by [[w:Simon Block|Simon Block]].'' {{center|'''The Nazi Trial of the Century.'''<small></small>}} ==[[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]]== * Gentlemen, I don't believe in monsters. But I do believe that men are responsible for monstrous deeds. * Now we have three days to become a team. To act, to act, to act, as one. * Those cameras must now become extensions of your own eyes so that you can become extensions of mine. * All right, gentlemen, rehearsal is over. * ''[speaking to a camera man, intensely looking at a close-up of Eichmann's expressionless face on a screen]'' Get close on his eyes. Get close on his eyes. * ''[looking at Eichmann's expressionless reaction to the video evidence on the screen]'' How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?... ''[throws something at the screen in furious emotional anger] Where the f*** are you?!!'' ==Milton Fruchtman== * ''[introducing David Landor to Leo]'' David, we finally have our director. * Only in proportion as publicity has place can any of the checks applicable to judicial justice operate. Where there is no publicity, there is no justice... Publicity is the very soul of justice... It keeps the judge himself while trying under trial. The security of securities is publicity. * All right, gentlemen. This is it. Moment of truth. ==Dialogue== ==Cast== * [[w:Martin Freeman|Martin Freeman]] - Milton Fruchtman * [[w:Anthony LaPaglia|Anthony LaPaglia]] - [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] * [[w:Rebecca Front|Rebecca Front]] - Mrs Landau * [[w:Andy Nyman|Andy Nywan]] - David Landor * [[w:Nicholas Woodeson|Nicholas Woodeson]] - [[w:Jakob Jonilowicz|Yaakov Jonilowicz]] * [[w:Ben Addis|Ben Addis]] - Ron Huntsman * [[w:Caroline Bartleet|Caroline Bartleet]] - Judy Gold * Ed Birch - Millek Knebel * Zora Bishop - Eva Fruchtman * Dylan Edwards - Roy Sedwell * Nathaniel Gleed - Tommy Hurwitz * [[w:Ben Lloyd-Hughes|Ben LLoyd-Hughes]] - Alan Rosenthal * Vaidotas Martinaitis - [[Adolf Eichmann]] * Nell Mooney - ''[[New York Times]]'' Journalist's Wife * Solomon Mousley - Perry * [[w:Anna-Louise Plowman|Anna-Louise Plowman]] - [[w:Jane Dudley|Jane Hurwitz]] * [[w:Ian Porter (actor)|Ian Porter]] - ''New York Times'' Journalist * Justin Salinger - David Arad * [[w:Samuel West|Samuel West]] - Narrator ==See also== * ''[[Operation Finale]]'', set in 1960 about Eichmann's capture by the Israeli intelligence agency [[w:Mossad|Mossad]]. ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=4163668|title=The Eichmann Show}} [[Category:2015 films]] [[Category:2010s British films]] [[Category:Films set in the 1960s]] hwza0fzyf2u3mqbu1we64h3vba8czw5 3949167 3949161 2026-06-05T12:38:14Z Filmator1 3314256 3949167 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Adolf_Eichmann_takes_notes_during_his_trial_USHMM_65268.jpg|thumb|right|'''Leo Hurwitz''': How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?...]] '''''[[w:The Eichmann Show|The Eichmann Show]]''''' is a [[w:2015 in film|2015]] [[w:BBC Television|BBC]] television drama film. Set in Israel in 1961, after the events of former [[w:Schutzstaffel|SS officer]] [[Adolf Eichmann]]'s [[w:Adolf Eichmann's capture|capture]] and arrest, it focuses on the true story of how American TV producer Milton Fruchtman and blacklisted TV director [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] came to broadcast the [[w:Eichmann trial|Eichmann trial]]. :''Directed by [[w:Paul Andrew Williams|Paul Andrew Williams]]. Written by [[w:Simon Block|Simon Block]].'' {{center|'''The Nazi Trial of the Century.'''<small></small>}} ==[[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]]== * Gentlemen, I don't believe in monsters. But I do believe that men are responsible for monstrous deeds. * Now we have three days to become a team. To act, to act, to act, as one. * Those cameras must now become extensions of your own eyes so that you can become extensions of mine. * All right, gentlemen, rehearsal is over. * ''[speaking to a camera man, intensely looking at a close-up of Eichmann's expressionless face on a screen]'' Get close on his eyes. Get close on his eyes. * ''[looking at Eichmann's expressionless reaction to the video evidence on the screen]'' How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?... ''[throws something at the screen in furious emotional anger] Where the f*** are you?!!'' ==Milton Fruchtman== * ''[introducing David Landor to Leo]'' David, we finally have our director. * Only in proportion as publicity has place can any of the checks applicable to judicial justice operate. Where there is no publicity, there is no justice... Publicity is the very soul of justice... It keeps the judge himself while trying under trial. The security of securities is publicity. * All right, gentlemen. This is it. Moment of truth. ==Others== * '''News Reporter''': I'm standing in front of the building where in only a few hours time, the trial of the century will begin. ==Dialogue== ==Cast== * [[w:Martin Freeman|Martin Freeman]] - Milton Fruchtman * [[w:Anthony LaPaglia|Anthony LaPaglia]] - [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] * [[w:Rebecca Front|Rebecca Front]] - Mrs Landau * [[w:Andy Nyman|Andy Nywan]] - David Landor * [[w:Nicholas Woodeson|Nicholas Woodeson]] - [[w:Jakob Jonilowicz|Yaakov Jonilowicz]] * [[w:Ben Addis|Ben Addis]] - Ron Huntsman * [[w:Caroline Bartleet|Caroline Bartleet]] - Judy Gold * Ed Birch - Millek Knebel * Zora Bishop - Eva Fruchtman * Dylan Edwards - Roy Sedwell * Nathaniel Gleed - Tommy Hurwitz * [[w:Ben Lloyd-Hughes|Ben LLoyd-Hughes]] - Alan Rosenthal * Vaidotas Martinaitis - [[Adolf Eichmann]] * Nell Mooney - ''[[New York Times]]'' Journalist's Wife * Solomon Mousley - Perry * [[w:Anna-Louise Plowman|Anna-Louise Plowman]] - [[w:Jane Dudley|Jane Hurwitz]] * [[w:Ian Porter (actor)|Ian Porter]] - ''New York Times'' Journalist * Justin Salinger - David Arad * [[w:Samuel West|Samuel West]] - Narrator ==See also== * ''[[Operation Finale]]'', set in 1960 about Eichmann's capture by the Israeli intelligence agency [[w:Mossad|Mossad]]. ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=4163668|title=The Eichmann Show}} [[Category:2015 films]] [[Category:2010s British films]] [[Category:Films set in the 1960s]] g02uyp9ovok52kczvqj9jdvlsnnnhix 3949170 3949167 2026-06-05T12:40:44Z Filmator1 3314256 /* Milton Fruchtman */ 3949170 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Adolf_Eichmann_takes_notes_during_his_trial_USHMM_65268.jpg|thumb|right|'''Leo Hurwitz''': How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?...]] '''''[[w:The Eichmann Show|The Eichmann Show]]''''' is a [[w:2015 in film|2015]] [[w:BBC Television|BBC]] television drama film. Set in Israel in 1961, after the events of former [[w:Schutzstaffel|SS officer]] [[Adolf Eichmann]]'s [[w:Adolf Eichmann's capture|capture]] and arrest, it focuses on the true story of how American TV producer Milton Fruchtman and blacklisted TV director [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] came to broadcast the [[w:Eichmann trial|Eichmann trial]]. :''Directed by [[w:Paul Andrew Williams|Paul Andrew Williams]]. Written by [[w:Simon Block|Simon Block]].'' {{center|'''The Nazi Trial of the Century.'''<small></small>}} ==[[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]]== * Gentlemen, I don't believe in monsters. But I do believe that men are responsible for monstrous deeds. * Now we have three days to become a team. To act, to act, to act, as one. * Those cameras must now become extensions of your own eyes so that you can become extensions of mine. * All right, gentlemen, rehearsal is over. * ''[speaking to a camera man, intensely looking at a close-up of Eichmann's expressionless face on a screen]'' Get close on his eyes. Get close on his eyes. * ''[looking at Eichmann's expressionless reaction to the video evidence on the screen]'' How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?... ''[throws something at the screen in furious emotional anger] Where the f*** are you?!!'' ==Milton Fruchtman== * ''[introducing David Landor to Leo]'' David, we finally have our director. * ''[introducing Leo to the team]'' These gentlemen are the crème de la crème of the Israeli film industry. * Only in proportion as publicity has place can any of the checks applicable to judicial justice operate. Where there is no publicity, there is no justice... Publicity is the very soul of justice... It keeps the judge himself while trying under trial. The security of securities is publicity. * All right, gentlemen. This is it. Moment of truth. ==Others== * '''News Reporter''': I'm standing in front of the building where in only a few hours time, the trial of the century will begin. ==Dialogue== ==Cast== * [[w:Martin Freeman|Martin Freeman]] - Milton Fruchtman * [[w:Anthony LaPaglia|Anthony LaPaglia]] - [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] * [[w:Rebecca Front|Rebecca Front]] - Mrs Landau * [[w:Andy Nyman|Andy Nywan]] - David Landor * [[w:Nicholas Woodeson|Nicholas Woodeson]] - [[w:Jakob Jonilowicz|Yaakov Jonilowicz]] * [[w:Ben Addis|Ben Addis]] - Ron Huntsman * [[w:Caroline Bartleet|Caroline Bartleet]] - Judy Gold * Ed Birch - Millek Knebel * Zora Bishop - Eva Fruchtman * Dylan Edwards - Roy Sedwell * Nathaniel Gleed - Tommy Hurwitz * [[w:Ben Lloyd-Hughes|Ben LLoyd-Hughes]] - Alan Rosenthal * Vaidotas Martinaitis - [[Adolf Eichmann]] * Nell Mooney - ''[[New York Times]]'' Journalist's Wife * Solomon Mousley - Perry * [[w:Anna-Louise Plowman|Anna-Louise Plowman]] - [[w:Jane Dudley|Jane Hurwitz]] * [[w:Ian Porter (actor)|Ian Porter]] - ''New York Times'' Journalist * Justin Salinger - David Arad * [[w:Samuel West|Samuel West]] - Narrator ==See also== * ''[[Operation Finale]]'', set in 1960 about Eichmann's capture by the Israeli intelligence agency [[w:Mossad|Mossad]]. ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=4163668|title=The Eichmann Show}} [[Category:2015 films]] [[Category:2010s British films]] [[Category:Films set in the 1960s]] q6c44v14b0s04owhwxrq7l4p4e1019k 3949174 3949170 2026-06-05T12:46:46Z Filmator1 3314256 /* Milton Fruchtman */ 3949174 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Adolf_Eichmann_takes_notes_during_his_trial_USHMM_65268.jpg|thumb|right|'''Leo Hurwitz''': How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?...]] '''''[[w:The Eichmann Show|The Eichmann Show]]''''' is a [[w:2015 in film|2015]] [[w:BBC Television|BBC]] television drama film. Set in Israel in 1961, after the events of former [[w:Schutzstaffel|SS officer]] [[Adolf Eichmann]]'s [[w:Adolf Eichmann's capture|capture]] and arrest, it focuses on the true story of how American TV producer Milton Fruchtman and blacklisted TV director [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] came to broadcast the [[w:Eichmann trial|Eichmann trial]]. :''Directed by [[w:Paul Andrew Williams|Paul Andrew Williams]]. Written by [[w:Simon Block|Simon Block]].'' {{center|'''The Nazi Trial of the Century.'''<small></small>}} ==[[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]]== * Gentlemen, I don't believe in monsters. But I do believe that men are responsible for monstrous deeds. * Now we have three days to become a team. To act, to act, to act, as one. * Those cameras must now become extensions of your own eyes so that you can become extensions of mine. * All right, gentlemen, rehearsal is over. * ''[speaking to a camera man, intensely looking at a close-up of Eichmann's expressionless face on a screen]'' Get close on his eyes. Get close on his eyes. * ''[looking at Eichmann's expressionless reaction to the video evidence on the screen]'' How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?... ''[throws something at the screen in furious emotional anger] Where the f*** are you?!!'' ==Milton Fruchtman== * ''[introducing David Landor to Leo]'' David, we finally have our director. * ''[introducing Leo to the team]'' These gentlemen are the crème de la crème of the Israeli film industry. * ''[to Leo]'' Without me they wouldn't be within a million miles of this trial, and without you they wouldn't have a tenth of the audience that they have. * Only in proportion as publicity has place can any of the checks applicable to judicial justice operate. Where there is no publicity, there is no justice... Publicity is the very soul of justice... It keeps the judge himself while trying under trial. The security of securities is publicity. * All right, gentlemen. This is it. Moment of truth. ==Others== * '''News Reporter''': I'm standing in front of the building where in only a few hours time, the trial of the century will begin. ==Dialogue== ==Cast== * [[w:Martin Freeman|Martin Freeman]] - Milton Fruchtman * [[w:Anthony LaPaglia|Anthony LaPaglia]] - [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] * [[w:Rebecca Front|Rebecca Front]] - Mrs Landau * [[w:Andy Nyman|Andy Nywan]] - David Landor * [[w:Nicholas Woodeson|Nicholas Woodeson]] - [[w:Jakob Jonilowicz|Yaakov Jonilowicz]] * [[w:Ben Addis|Ben Addis]] - Ron Huntsman * [[w:Caroline Bartleet|Caroline Bartleet]] - Judy Gold * Ed Birch - Millek Knebel * Zora Bishop - Eva Fruchtman * Dylan Edwards - Roy Sedwell * Nathaniel Gleed - Tommy Hurwitz * [[w:Ben Lloyd-Hughes|Ben LLoyd-Hughes]] - Alan Rosenthal * Vaidotas Martinaitis - [[Adolf Eichmann]] * Nell Mooney - ''[[New York Times]]'' Journalist's Wife * Solomon Mousley - Perry * [[w:Anna-Louise Plowman|Anna-Louise Plowman]] - [[w:Jane Dudley|Jane Hurwitz]] * [[w:Ian Porter (actor)|Ian Porter]] - ''New York Times'' Journalist * Justin Salinger - David Arad * [[w:Samuel West|Samuel West]] - Narrator ==See also== * ''[[Operation Finale]]'', set in 1960 about Eichmann's capture by the Israeli intelligence agency [[w:Mossad|Mossad]]. ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=4163668|title=The Eichmann Show}} [[Category:2015 films]] [[Category:2010s British films]] [[Category:Films set in the 1960s]] gdefz72ozij88gwb8tigq4mookat5zl 3949241 3949174 2026-06-05T15:07:42Z Filmator1 3314256 /* Dialogue */ 3949241 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Adolf_Eichmann_takes_notes_during_his_trial_USHMM_65268.jpg|thumb|right|'''Leo Hurwitz''': How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?...]] '''''[[w:The Eichmann Show|The Eichmann Show]]''''' is a [[w:2015 in film|2015]] [[w:BBC Television|BBC]] television drama film. Set in Israel in 1961, after the events of former [[w:Schutzstaffel|SS officer]] [[Adolf Eichmann]]'s [[w:Adolf Eichmann's capture|capture]] and arrest, it focuses on the true story of how American TV producer Milton Fruchtman and blacklisted TV director [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] came to broadcast the [[w:Eichmann trial|Eichmann trial]]. :''Directed by [[w:Paul Andrew Williams|Paul Andrew Williams]]. Written by [[w:Simon Block|Simon Block]].'' {{center|'''The Nazi Trial of the Century.'''<small></small>}} ==[[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]]== * Gentlemen, I don't believe in monsters. But I do believe that men are responsible for monstrous deeds. * Now we have three days to become a team. To act, to act, to act, as one. * Those cameras must now become extensions of your own eyes so that you can become extensions of mine. * All right, gentlemen, rehearsal is over. * ''[speaking to a camera man, intensely looking at a close-up of Eichmann's expressionless face on a screen]'' Get close on his eyes. Get close on his eyes. * ''[looking at Eichmann's expressionless reaction to the video evidence on the screen]'' How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?... ''[throws something at the screen in furious emotional anger] Where the f*** are you?!!'' ==Milton Fruchtman== * ''[introducing David Landor to Leo]'' David, we finally have our director. * ''[introducing Leo to the team]'' These gentlemen are the crème de la crème of the Israeli film industry. * ''[to Leo]'' Without me they wouldn't be within a million miles of this trial, and without you they wouldn't have a tenth of the audience that they have. * Only in proportion as publicity has place can any of the checks applicable to judicial justice operate. Where there is no publicity, there is no justice... Publicity is the very soul of justice... It keeps the judge himself while trying under trial. The security of securities is publicity. * All right, gentlemen. This is it. Moment of truth. ==Others== * '''News Reporter''': I'm standing in front of the building where in only a few hours time, the trial of the century will begin. ==Dialogue== :'''Leo Hurwitz''': Jesus, we're going to need every carpenter and plasterer in Jerusalem for this. :'''Milton Fruchtman''': And we've got three days to do it in. ''[to his driver]'' Just here on the left, please. ''[gets into the car]'' Leo. Get some sleep. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': I may feel well enough to get the first plane back to New York. :'''Milton Fruchtman''': See you tomorrow. ==Cast== * [[w:Martin Freeman|Martin Freeman]] - Milton Fruchtman * [[w:Anthony LaPaglia|Anthony LaPaglia]] - [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] * [[w:Rebecca Front|Rebecca Front]] - Mrs Landau * [[w:Andy Nyman|Andy Nywan]] - David Landor * [[w:Nicholas Woodeson|Nicholas Woodeson]] - [[w:Jakob Jonilowicz|Yaakov Jonilowicz]] * [[w:Ben Addis|Ben Addis]] - Ron Huntsman * [[w:Caroline Bartleet|Caroline Bartleet]] - Judy Gold * Ed Birch - Millek Knebel * Zora Bishop - Eva Fruchtman * Dylan Edwards - Roy Sedwell * Nathaniel Gleed - Tommy Hurwitz * [[w:Ben Lloyd-Hughes|Ben LLoyd-Hughes]] - Alan Rosenthal * Vaidotas Martinaitis - [[Adolf Eichmann]] * Nell Mooney - ''[[New York Times]]'' Journalist's Wife * Solomon Mousley - Perry * [[w:Anna-Louise Plowman|Anna-Louise Plowman]] - [[w:Jane Dudley|Jane Hurwitz]] * [[w:Ian Porter (actor)|Ian Porter]] - ''New York Times'' Journalist * Justin Salinger - David Arad * [[w:Samuel West|Samuel West]] - Narrator ==See also== * ''[[Operation Finale]]'', set in 1960 about Eichmann's capture by the Israeli intelligence agency [[w:Mossad|Mossad]]. ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=4163668|title=The Eichmann Show}} [[Category:2015 films]] [[Category:2010s British films]] [[Category:Films set in the 1960s]] rs0xgnmdubdy4jhz3ikm8pdgyep9n8g 3949242 3949241 2026-06-05T15:08:19Z Filmator1 3314256 /* Dialogue */ 3949242 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Adolf_Eichmann_takes_notes_during_his_trial_USHMM_65268.jpg|thumb|right|'''Leo Hurwitz''': How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?...]] '''''[[w:The Eichmann Show|The Eichmann Show]]''''' is a [[w:2015 in film|2015]] [[w:BBC Television|BBC]] television drama film. Set in Israel in 1961, after the events of former [[w:Schutzstaffel|SS officer]] [[Adolf Eichmann]]'s [[w:Adolf Eichmann's capture|capture]] and arrest, it focuses on the true story of how American TV producer Milton Fruchtman and blacklisted TV director [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] came to broadcast the [[w:Eichmann trial|Eichmann trial]]. :''Directed by [[w:Paul Andrew Williams|Paul Andrew Williams]]. Written by [[w:Simon Block|Simon Block]].'' {{center|'''The Nazi Trial of the Century.'''<small></small>}} ==[[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]]== * Gentlemen, I don't believe in monsters. But I do believe that men are responsible for monstrous deeds. * Now we have three days to become a team. To act, to act, to act, as one. * Those cameras must now become extensions of your own eyes so that you can become extensions of mine. * All right, gentlemen, rehearsal is over. * ''[speaking to a camera man, intensely looking at a close-up of Eichmann's expressionless face on a screen]'' Get close on his eyes. Get close on his eyes. * ''[looking at Eichmann's expressionless reaction to the video evidence on the screen]'' How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?... ''[throws something at the screen in furious emotional anger] Where the f*** are you?!!'' ==Milton Fruchtman== * ''[introducing David Landor to Leo]'' David, we finally have our director. * ''[introducing Leo to the team]'' These gentlemen are the crème de la crème of the Israeli film industry. * ''[to Leo]'' Without me they wouldn't be within a million miles of this trial, and without you they wouldn't have a tenth of the audience that they have. * Only in proportion as publicity has place can any of the checks applicable to judicial justice operate. Where there is no publicity, there is no justice... Publicity is the very soul of justice... It keeps the judge himself while trying under trial. The security of securities is publicity. * All right, gentlemen. This is it. Moment of truth. ==Others== * '''News Reporter''': I'm standing in front of the building where in only a few hours time, the trial of the century will begin. ==Dialogue== :'''Leo Hurwitz''': Jesus, we're going to need every carpenter and plasterer in Jerusalem for this. :'''Milton Fruchtman''': And we've got three days to do it in. ''[to his driver]'' Just here on the left, please. ''[gets into the car]'' Leo, get some sleep. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': I may feel well enough to get the first plane back to New York. :'''Milton Fruchtman''': See you tomorrow. ==Cast== * [[w:Martin Freeman|Martin Freeman]] - Milton Fruchtman * [[w:Anthony LaPaglia|Anthony LaPaglia]] - [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] * [[w:Rebecca Front|Rebecca Front]] - Mrs Landau * [[w:Andy Nyman|Andy Nywan]] - David Landor * [[w:Nicholas Woodeson|Nicholas Woodeson]] - [[w:Jakob Jonilowicz|Yaakov Jonilowicz]] * [[w:Ben Addis|Ben Addis]] - Ron Huntsman * [[w:Caroline Bartleet|Caroline Bartleet]] - Judy Gold * Ed Birch - Millek Knebel * Zora Bishop - Eva Fruchtman * Dylan Edwards - Roy Sedwell * Nathaniel Gleed - Tommy Hurwitz * [[w:Ben Lloyd-Hughes|Ben LLoyd-Hughes]] - Alan Rosenthal * Vaidotas Martinaitis - [[Adolf Eichmann]] * Nell Mooney - ''[[New York Times]]'' Journalist's Wife * Solomon Mousley - Perry * [[w:Anna-Louise Plowman|Anna-Louise Plowman]] - [[w:Jane Dudley|Jane Hurwitz]] * [[w:Ian Porter (actor)|Ian Porter]] - ''New York Times'' Journalist * Justin Salinger - David Arad * [[w:Samuel West|Samuel West]] - Narrator ==See also== * ''[[Operation Finale]]'', set in 1960 about Eichmann's capture by the Israeli intelligence agency [[w:Mossad|Mossad]]. ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=4163668|title=The Eichmann Show}} [[Category:2015 films]] [[Category:2010s British films]] [[Category:Films set in the 1960s]] mdbzyy99o5obhux5bbi30igfpkzujvr 3949244 3949242 2026-06-05T15:11:12Z Filmator1 3314256 /* Leo Hurwitz */ 3949244 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Adolf_Eichmann_takes_notes_during_his_trial_USHMM_65268.jpg|thumb|right|'''Leo Hurwitz''': How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?...]] '''''[[w:The Eichmann Show|The Eichmann Show]]''''' is a [[w:2015 in film|2015]] [[w:BBC Television|BBC]] television drama film. Set in Israel in 1961, after the events of former [[w:Schutzstaffel|SS officer]] [[Adolf Eichmann]]'s [[w:Adolf Eichmann's capture|capture]] and arrest, it focuses on the true story of how American TV producer Milton Fruchtman and blacklisted TV director [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] came to broadcast the [[w:Eichmann trial|Eichmann trial]]. :''Directed by [[w:Paul Andrew Williams|Paul Andrew Williams]]. Written by [[w:Simon Block|Simon Block]].'' {{center|'''The Nazi Trial of the Century.'''<small></small>}} ==[[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]]== * Gentlemen, I don't believe in monsters. But I do believe that men are responsible for monstrous deeds. What transformed this ordinary man into someone who was capable of sending hundreds and thousands of children to their death while going home every evening and kissing his own children goodnight? * Now we have three days to become a team. To act, to act, to act, as one. * Those cameras must now become extensions of your own eyes so that you can become extensions of mine. * All right, gentlemen, rehearsal is over. * ''[speaking to a camera man, intensely looking at a close-up of Eichmann's expressionless face on a screen]'' Get close on his eyes. Get close on his eyes. * ''[looking at Eichmann's expressionless reaction to the video evidence on the screen]'' How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?... ''[throws something at the screen in furious emotional anger] Where the f*** are you?!!'' ==Milton Fruchtman== * ''[introducing David Landor to Leo]'' David, we finally have our director. * ''[introducing Leo to the team]'' These gentlemen are the crème de la crème of the Israeli film industry. * ''[to Leo]'' Without me they wouldn't be within a million miles of this trial, and without you they wouldn't have a tenth of the audience that they have. * Only in proportion as publicity has place can any of the checks applicable to judicial justice operate. Where there is no publicity, there is no justice... Publicity is the very soul of justice... It keeps the judge himself while trying under trial. The security of securities is publicity. * All right, gentlemen. This is it. Moment of truth. ==Others== * '''News Reporter''': I'm standing in front of the building where in only a few hours time, the trial of the century will begin. ==Dialogue== :'''Leo Hurwitz''': Jesus, we're going to need every carpenter and plasterer in Jerusalem for this. :'''Milton Fruchtman''': And we've got three days to do it in. ''[to his driver]'' Just here on the left, please. ''[gets into the car]'' Leo, get some sleep. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': I may feel well enough to get the first plane back to New York. :'''Milton Fruchtman''': See you tomorrow. ==Cast== * [[w:Martin Freeman|Martin Freeman]] - Milton Fruchtman * [[w:Anthony LaPaglia|Anthony LaPaglia]] - [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] * [[w:Rebecca Front|Rebecca Front]] - Mrs Landau * [[w:Andy Nyman|Andy Nywan]] - David Landor * [[w:Nicholas Woodeson|Nicholas Woodeson]] - [[w:Jakob Jonilowicz|Yaakov Jonilowicz]] * [[w:Ben Addis|Ben Addis]] - Ron Huntsman * [[w:Caroline Bartleet|Caroline Bartleet]] - Judy Gold * Ed Birch - Millek Knebel * Zora Bishop - Eva Fruchtman * Dylan Edwards - Roy Sedwell * Nathaniel Gleed - Tommy Hurwitz * [[w:Ben Lloyd-Hughes|Ben LLoyd-Hughes]] - Alan Rosenthal * Vaidotas Martinaitis - [[Adolf Eichmann]] * Nell Mooney - ''[[New York Times]]'' Journalist's Wife * Solomon Mousley - Perry * [[w:Anna-Louise Plowman|Anna-Louise Plowman]] - [[w:Jane Dudley|Jane Hurwitz]] * [[w:Ian Porter (actor)|Ian Porter]] - ''New York Times'' Journalist * Justin Salinger - David Arad * [[w:Samuel West|Samuel West]] - Narrator ==See also== * ''[[Operation Finale]]'', set in 1960 about Eichmann's capture by the Israeli intelligence agency [[w:Mossad|Mossad]]. ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=4163668|title=The Eichmann Show}} [[Category:2015 films]] [[Category:2010s British films]] [[Category:Films set in the 1960s]] mwqs09r56vddnkc5vrmtzk93v2rocbs 3949276 3949244 2026-06-05T17:08:40Z Filmator1 3314256 /* Dialogue */ 3949276 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Adolf_Eichmann_takes_notes_during_his_trial_USHMM_65268.jpg|thumb|right|'''Leo Hurwitz''': How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?...]] '''''[[w:The Eichmann Show|The Eichmann Show]]''''' is a [[w:2015 in film|2015]] [[w:BBC Television|BBC]] television drama film. Set in Israel in 1961, after the events of former [[w:Schutzstaffel|SS officer]] [[Adolf Eichmann]]'s [[w:Adolf Eichmann's capture|capture]] and arrest, it focuses on the true story of how American TV producer Milton Fruchtman and blacklisted TV director [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] came to broadcast the [[w:Eichmann trial|Eichmann trial]]. :''Directed by [[w:Paul Andrew Williams|Paul Andrew Williams]]. Written by [[w:Simon Block|Simon Block]].'' {{center|'''The Nazi Trial of the Century.'''<small></small>}} ==[[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]]== * Gentlemen, I don't believe in monsters. But I do believe that men are responsible for monstrous deeds. What transformed this ordinary man into someone who was capable of sending hundreds and thousands of children to their death while going home every evening and kissing his own children goodnight? * Now we have three days to become a team. To act, to act, to act, as one. * Those cameras must now become extensions of your own eyes so that you can become extensions of mine. * All right, gentlemen, rehearsal is over. * ''[speaking to a camera man, intensely looking at a close-up of Eichmann's expressionless face on a screen]'' Get close on his eyes. Get close on his eyes. * ''[looking at Eichmann's expressionless reaction to the video evidence on the screen]'' How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?... ''[throws something at the screen in furious emotional anger] Where the f*** are you?!!'' ==Milton Fruchtman== * ''[introducing David Landor to Leo]'' David, we finally have our director. * ''[introducing Leo to the team]'' These gentlemen are the crème de la crème of the Israeli film industry. * ''[to Leo]'' Without me they wouldn't be within a million miles of this trial, and without you they wouldn't have a tenth of the audience that they have. * Only in proportion as publicity has place can any of the checks applicable to judicial justice operate. Where there is no publicity, there is no justice... Publicity is the very soul of justice... It keeps the judge himself while trying under trial. The security of securities is publicity. * All right, gentlemen. This is it. Moment of truth. ==Others== * '''News Reporter''': I'm standing in front of the building where in only a few hours time, the trial of the century will begin. ==Dialogue== :'''Leo Hurwitz''': Jesus, we're going to need every carpenter and plasterer in Jerusalem for this. :'''Milton Fruchtman''': And we've got three days to do it in. ''[to his driver]'' Just here on the left, please. ''[gets into the car]'' Leo, get some sleep. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': I may feel well enough to get the first plane back to New York. :'''Milton Fruchtman''': See you tomorrow. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Landau''': We listened all day, on the radio. When we first arrived, Mr Horowitz. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': 'Hurwitz.' :'''Mrs. Landau''': We did not speak about what had happened. But people ask us, "Who are you? What happened to you?" And so we told. And they say,"It cannot be true. You invent this. Such things are not possible." I say, "If I could make up such things, I would be in Hollywood, not running a cheap hotel in Jerusalem." But they do not believe, and so we stop speaking about what happened. Except to whisper it in our sleep. Since the trial begins, I see them listen now. On bus, in shops, in cafeteria, they listen. I go to market this morning, and a young girl asked me about my number. And they watch, yes? All over the world. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': So I'm told. :'''Mrs. Landau''': Because of you. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': Oh no, I... :'''Mrs. Landau''': Because of you. Because of you. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': Mrs. Landau, I can't. Really. :'''Mrs. Landau''': Please. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': Thank you. ==Cast== * [[w:Martin Freeman|Martin Freeman]] - Milton Fruchtman * [[w:Anthony LaPaglia|Anthony LaPaglia]] - [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] * [[w:Rebecca Front|Rebecca Front]] - Mrs Landau * [[w:Andy Nyman|Andy Nywan]] - David Landor * [[w:Nicholas Woodeson|Nicholas Woodeson]] - [[w:Jakob Jonilowicz|Yaakov Jonilowicz]] * [[w:Ben Addis|Ben Addis]] - Ron Huntsman * [[w:Caroline Bartleet|Caroline Bartleet]] - Judy Gold * Ed Birch - Millek Knebel * Zora Bishop - Eva Fruchtman * Dylan Edwards - Roy Sedwell * Nathaniel Gleed - Tommy Hurwitz * [[w:Ben Lloyd-Hughes|Ben LLoyd-Hughes]] - Alan Rosenthal * Vaidotas Martinaitis - [[Adolf Eichmann]] * Nell Mooney - ''[[New York Times]]'' Journalist's Wife * Solomon Mousley - Perry * [[w:Anna-Louise Plowman|Anna-Louise Plowman]] - [[w:Jane Dudley|Jane Hurwitz]] * [[w:Ian Porter (actor)|Ian Porter]] - ''New York Times'' Journalist * Justin Salinger - David Arad * [[w:Samuel West|Samuel West]] - Narrator ==See also== * ''[[Operation Finale]]'', set in 1960 about Eichmann's capture by the Israeli intelligence agency [[w:Mossad|Mossad]]. ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=4163668|title=The Eichmann Show}} [[Category:2015 films]] [[Category:2010s British films]] [[Category:Films set in the 1960s]] m0i1mciidj2ul1quq2g47wfktwov57m 3949277 3949276 2026-06-05T17:09:07Z Filmator1 3314256 /* Cast */ 3949277 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Adolf_Eichmann_takes_notes_during_his_trial_USHMM_65268.jpg|thumb|right|'''Leo Hurwitz''': How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?...]] '''''[[w:The Eichmann Show|The Eichmann Show]]''''' is a [[w:2015 in film|2015]] [[w:BBC Television|BBC]] television drama film. Set in Israel in 1961, after the events of former [[w:Schutzstaffel|SS officer]] [[Adolf Eichmann]]'s [[w:Adolf Eichmann's capture|capture]] and arrest, it focuses on the true story of how American TV producer Milton Fruchtman and blacklisted TV director [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] came to broadcast the [[w:Eichmann trial|Eichmann trial]]. :''Directed by [[w:Paul Andrew Williams|Paul Andrew Williams]]. Written by [[w:Simon Block|Simon Block]].'' {{center|'''The Nazi Trial of the Century.'''<small></small>}} ==[[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]]== * Gentlemen, I don't believe in monsters. But I do believe that men are responsible for monstrous deeds. What transformed this ordinary man into someone who was capable of sending hundreds and thousands of children to their death while going home every evening and kissing his own children goodnight? * Now we have three days to become a team. To act, to act, to act, as one. * Those cameras must now become extensions of your own eyes so that you can become extensions of mine. * All right, gentlemen, rehearsal is over. * ''[speaking to a camera man, intensely looking at a close-up of Eichmann's expressionless face on a screen]'' Get close on his eyes. Get close on his eyes. * ''[looking at Eichmann's expressionless reaction to the video evidence on the screen]'' How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?... ''[throws something at the screen in furious emotional anger] Where the f*** are you?!!'' ==Milton Fruchtman== * ''[introducing David Landor to Leo]'' David, we finally have our director. * ''[introducing Leo to the team]'' These gentlemen are the crème de la crème of the Israeli film industry. * ''[to Leo]'' Without me they wouldn't be within a million miles of this trial, and without you they wouldn't have a tenth of the audience that they have. * Only in proportion as publicity has place can any of the checks applicable to judicial justice operate. Where there is no publicity, there is no justice... Publicity is the very soul of justice... It keeps the judge himself while trying under trial. The security of securities is publicity. * All right, gentlemen. This is it. Moment of truth. ==Others== * '''News Reporter''': I'm standing in front of the building where in only a few hours time, the trial of the century will begin. ==Dialogue== :'''Leo Hurwitz''': Jesus, we're going to need every carpenter and plasterer in Jerusalem for this. :'''Milton Fruchtman''': And we've got three days to do it in. ''[to his driver]'' Just here on the left, please. ''[gets into the car]'' Leo, get some sleep. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': I may feel well enough to get the first plane back to New York. :'''Milton Fruchtman''': See you tomorrow. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Landau''': We listened all day, on the radio. When we first arrived, Mr Horowitz. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': 'Hurwitz.' :'''Mrs. Landau''': We did not speak about what had happened. But people ask us, "Who are you? What happened to you?" And so we told. And they say,"It cannot be true. You invent this. Such things are not possible." I say, "If I could make up such things, I would be in Hollywood, not running a cheap hotel in Jerusalem." But they do not believe, and so we stop speaking about what happened. Except to whisper it in our sleep. Since the trial begins, I see them listen now. On bus, in shops, in cafeteria, they listen. I go to market this morning, and a young girl asked me about my number. And they watch, yes? All over the world. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': So I'm told. :'''Mrs. Landau''': Because of you. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': Oh no, I... :'''Mrs. Landau''': Because of you. Because of you. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': Mrs. Landau, I can't. Really. :'''Mrs. Landau''': Please. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': Thank you. ==Cast== * [[w:Martin Freeman|Martin Freeman]] - Milton Fruchtman * [[w:Anthony LaPaglia|Anthony LaPaglia]] - [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] * [[w:Rebecca Front|Rebecca Front]] - Mrs. Landau * [[w:Andy Nyman|Andy Nywan]] - David Landor * [[w:Nicholas Woodeson|Nicholas Woodeson]] - [[w:Jakob Jonilowicz|Yaakov Jonilowicz]] * [[w:Ben Addis|Ben Addis]] - Ron Huntsman * [[w:Caroline Bartleet|Caroline Bartleet]] - Judy Gold * Ed Birch - Millek Knebel * Zora Bishop - Eva Fruchtman * Dylan Edwards - Roy Sedwell * Nathaniel Gleed - Tommy Hurwitz * [[w:Ben Lloyd-Hughes|Ben LLoyd-Hughes]] - Alan Rosenthal * Vaidotas Martinaitis - [[Adolf Eichmann]] * Nell Mooney - ''[[New York Times]]'' Journalist's Wife * Solomon Mousley - Perry * [[w:Anna-Louise Plowman|Anna-Louise Plowman]] - [[w:Jane Dudley|Jane Hurwitz]] * [[w:Ian Porter (actor)|Ian Porter]] - ''New York Times'' Journalist * Justin Salinger - David Arad * [[w:Samuel West|Samuel West]] - Narrator ==See also== * ''[[Operation Finale]]'', set in 1960 about Eichmann's capture by the Israeli intelligence agency [[w:Mossad|Mossad]]. ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=4163668|title=The Eichmann Show}} [[Category:2015 films]] [[Category:2010s British films]] [[Category:Films set in the 1960s]] htr6nda9640m7wp139mutdag5t5uzxm 3949278 3949277 2026-06-05T17:09:37Z Filmator1 3314256 /* Dialogue */ 3949278 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Adolf_Eichmann_takes_notes_during_his_trial_USHMM_65268.jpg|thumb|right|'''Leo Hurwitz''': How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?...]] '''''[[w:The Eichmann Show|The Eichmann Show]]''''' is a [[w:2015 in film|2015]] [[w:BBC Television|BBC]] television drama film. Set in Israel in 1961, after the events of former [[w:Schutzstaffel|SS officer]] [[Adolf Eichmann]]'s [[w:Adolf Eichmann's capture|capture]] and arrest, it focuses on the true story of how American TV producer Milton Fruchtman and blacklisted TV director [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] came to broadcast the [[w:Eichmann trial|Eichmann trial]]. :''Directed by [[w:Paul Andrew Williams|Paul Andrew Williams]]. Written by [[w:Simon Block|Simon Block]].'' {{center|'''The Nazi Trial of the Century.'''<small></small>}} ==[[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]]== * Gentlemen, I don't believe in monsters. But I do believe that men are responsible for monstrous deeds. What transformed this ordinary man into someone who was capable of sending hundreds and thousands of children to their death while going home every evening and kissing his own children goodnight? * Now we have three days to become a team. To act, to act, to act, as one. * Those cameras must now become extensions of your own eyes so that you can become extensions of mine. * All right, gentlemen, rehearsal is over. * ''[speaking to a camera man, intensely looking at a close-up of Eichmann's expressionless face on a screen]'' Get close on his eyes. Get close on his eyes. * ''[looking at Eichmann's expressionless reaction to the video evidence on the screen]'' How can you just sit there? How can you not turn away? Not even flinch?... Where are you?... ''[throws something at the screen in furious emotional anger] Where the f*** are you?!!'' ==Milton Fruchtman== * ''[introducing David Landor to Leo]'' David, we finally have our director. * ''[introducing Leo to the team]'' These gentlemen are the crème de la crème of the Israeli film industry. * ''[to Leo]'' Without me they wouldn't be within a million miles of this trial, and without you they wouldn't have a tenth of the audience that they have. * Only in proportion as publicity has place can any of the checks applicable to judicial justice operate. Where there is no publicity, there is no justice... Publicity is the very soul of justice... It keeps the judge himself while trying under trial. The security of securities is publicity. * All right, gentlemen. This is it. Moment of truth. ==Others== * '''News Reporter''': I'm standing in front of the building where in only a few hours time, the trial of the century will begin. ==Dialogue== :'''Leo Hurwitz''': Jesus, we're going to need every carpenter and plasterer in Jerusalem for this. :'''Milton Fruchtman''': And we've got three days to do it in. ''[to his driver]'' Just here on the left, please. ''[gets into the car]'' Leo, get some sleep. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': I may feel well enough to get the first plane back to New York. :'''Milton Fruchtman''': See you tomorrow. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Landau''': We listened all day, on the radio. When we first arrived, Mr Horowitz. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': 'Hurwitz.' :'''Mrs. Landau''': We did not speak about what had happened. But people ask us, "Who are you? What happened to you?" And so we told. And they say, "It cannot be true. You invent this. Such things are not possible." I say, "If I could make up such things, I would be in Hollywood, not running a cheap hotel in Jerusalem." But they do not believe, and so we stop speaking about what happened. Except to whisper it in our sleep. Since the trial begins, I see them listen now. On bus, in shops, in cafeteria, they listen. I go to market this morning, and a young girl asked me about my number. And they watch, yes? All over the world. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': So I'm told. :'''Mrs. Landau''': Because of you. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': Oh no, I... :'''Mrs. Landau''': Because of you. Because of you. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': Mrs. Landau, I can't. Really. :'''Mrs. Landau''': Please. :'''Leo Hurwitz''': Thank you. ==Cast== * [[w:Martin Freeman|Martin Freeman]] - Milton Fruchtman * [[w:Anthony LaPaglia|Anthony LaPaglia]] - [[w:Leo Hurwitz|Leo Hurwitz]] * [[w:Rebecca Front|Rebecca Front]] - Mrs. Landau * [[w:Andy Nyman|Andy Nywan]] - David Landor * [[w:Nicholas Woodeson|Nicholas Woodeson]] - [[w:Jakob Jonilowicz|Yaakov Jonilowicz]] * [[w:Ben Addis|Ben Addis]] - Ron Huntsman * [[w:Caroline Bartleet|Caroline Bartleet]] - Judy Gold * Ed Birch - Millek Knebel * Zora Bishop - Eva Fruchtman * Dylan Edwards - Roy Sedwell * Nathaniel Gleed - Tommy Hurwitz * [[w:Ben Lloyd-Hughes|Ben LLoyd-Hughes]] - Alan Rosenthal * Vaidotas Martinaitis - [[Adolf Eichmann]] * Nell Mooney - ''[[New York Times]]'' Journalist's Wife * Solomon Mousley - Perry * [[w:Anna-Louise Plowman|Anna-Louise Plowman]] - [[w:Jane Dudley|Jane Hurwitz]] * [[w:Ian Porter (actor)|Ian Porter]] - ''New York Times'' Journalist * Justin Salinger - David Arad * [[w:Samuel West|Samuel West]] - Narrator ==See also== * ''[[Operation Finale]]'', set in 1960 about Eichmann's capture by the Israeli intelligence agency [[w:Mossad|Mossad]]. ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=4163668|title=The Eichmann Show}} [[Category:2015 films]] [[Category:2010s British films]] [[Category:Films set in the 1960s]] lxshtdnogn15n8mlkbroma7otrxr43j 0 303715 3949173 3921018 2026-06-05T12:46:45Z MathXplore 3050778 Requesting deletion ([[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]] v3.1b) 3949173 wikitext text/x-wiki <noinclude>{{delete|Spam <small>[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]</small>}}</noinclude> [[File:DrHusseinAbdelfatah CU.jpg|thumb|Hussein Abdelfatah]] '''[[w:Hussein Abdelfatah|Hussein Abdelfatah]]''' (Arabic: حسين عبد الفتاح) is an Egyptian associate professor of education technology at [[w:Suez Canal University|Suez Canal University]]. He is recognized for conceptualizing the "DGStory" learning approach, which integrates dynamic geometry software with e-learning environments. ==Quotes== * Rather like the way the Hubble Space Telescope has made a significant contribution to astronomy in enabling astronomers to discover hidden structures and properties of our distant universe, dynamic geometry software has allowed new worlds to become viewable and tangible in mathematics and particularly in geometry. ** [https://phka.bsz-bw.de/frontdoor/deliver/index/docId/3/file/hussein_abdelfatah.pdf Hussein Abdelfatah]'', Karlsruhe Germany (2011). ==External links== * [https://edu.suez.edu.eg/en/user/1084 Official Website] * [https://drhussein.net Curriculum Vitae] * [https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=Qh1Wib8AAAAJ Hussein Abdelfatah] on [[w:Google Scholar|Google Scholar]] * [https://www.imdb.com/name/nm13751527/ Hussein Abdelfatah] on IMDB. * [https://grokipedia.com/page/hussein-abdelfatah Hussein Abdelfatah] on Grokipedia. * [https://sciprofiles.com/profile/hussein-abdelfatah Hussein Abdelfatah] on sciprofiles. * [https://orcid.org/0000-0002-7882-2560 Hussein Abdelfatah] on ORCID. * [https://madipedia.de/wiki/Hussein_Abdelfatah Hussein Abdelfatah] on Madipedia. * [https://www.amazon.com/stores/Hussein-Abdelfatah/author/B0B3QM9HCV Hussein Abdelfatah] on Amazon Authors. {{DEFAULTSORT:Abdelfatah, Hussein}} [[Category:Academics from Egypt]] [[Category:1976 births]] [[Category:Living people]] 1dgnvawc9krk4hghksqnnvow0ofxs06 0 304393 3949322 3948262 2026-06-05T21:34:39Z ~2026-33523-53 3337002 /* Other Last Words */ 3949322 wikitext text/x-wiki {{otherusesof|Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Aqua Teen Hunger Force}} This is a list of last words in ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''. The series, along with [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters|two]] [[Aqua Teen Forever: Plantasm|movies]] and one [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am|video game]] for PlayStation 2 has most deaths. Some characters may have more than one "death," in instances such as being resurrected, or existing temporarily as an undead being. In some of those instances, their last words from each "death" may be added if they are significant. ===Master Shake=== *'''Is that you, God?''' **Source: Balloonstein (Season 1, Episode 5) **Notes: This is Master Shake's first death, where he gets crushed by a giant meatwad. *'''You were missing that bullet in the magazine that day.''' **Source: Last Dance for Napkin Lad ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 10) **Notes: Is Shot three times by Meatwad. However, his voice was on recording. *'''No-no-no-no I need to live!!!''' **Source: Total Re-Carl (Season 2, Episode 13) **Notes: Murdered by Meatwad piloting a high-tech suit armed with rockets. *'''Okay, wait we can discuss this.''' **Source: Unremarkable Voyage (Season 3, Episode 2) **Notes: Shake is tortured by Meatwad, Frylock, and Carl, dying of shock and blood loss. *'''Aren't you coming back?''' **Source: THE (Season 2, Episode 22) **Notes: He, Carl and Meatwad die of conjunctivitis after the episode. *'''I'm straight, look at me!''' **Source: Dirtfoot (Season 4, Episode 1) **Notes: He accidentally sliced himself in half with a katana blade. *'''Good night.''' **Source: Video Oujia (Season 3, Episode 1) **Note: Shake says this before commits suicide by jumping into Carl's piranha filled pool, overdosed on sleeping pills and carbon monoxide in the next scene, he is later seen in the video game in the television when Frylock was playing the game. *'''NOOOO!!!!''' **Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3) **Notes: Was completely killed with a chainsaw. *'''This is the dumbest thing I've ever done!''' **Source: Vampires ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 6) *Notes: Shake was mauled by bears. *'''Oh yeah, Is that what you think? Why don't you hit that switch over there and you tell me?''' **Source: The South Bronx Paradise Diet (Season 3, Episode 9) **Notes: Shake hooks himself via his straw to a vacuum in an attempt to loss weight. *'''Woah! You do have molecular transporters! Downloadable switchblades! That's a new feat-OH NO!''' **Source: Boost Mobile **Notes: TBA *'''Hell no! Let's see the Marines try to take me like this!''' **Source: Marines **Notes: The death is not canon, Shake shot himself with a gun, and his head is reassembled in another scene. *'''Oh, shut up! “There can be, only one!”''' **Source: Dumber Dolls (Season 1, Episode 13) **Note: Master Shake fell off after the branch snapped that he was holding, he came back in a wheelchair and lift the sword up, lightning struck Master Shake and he fell off, and is set on fire. *'''Wait! I need my goggles! I need my UV ray gogg- 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 BLAST OFF!!''' **Source: Party All the Time (Season 4, Episode 6) **Notes: Is exploded while being tied to a rocket after Meatwad lighted it up. *'''Yeah, I'll see you nerds later. Help me up... bitch. Then I'm out of here!''' **Source: Bookie ([[Aqua Something You Know Whatever|ASYKW]], Episode 6) **Note: Shake had swallowed the sword, which he killed himself by impaling himself through mouth and lost a lot of blood. *'''I got the what now?''' **Source: Carl (Season 3, Episode 13) **Notes: Shake gruesomely gets his skin pulled off before dying to Frylock’s security bot ordered by Meatwad. *''[mooing]'' '''I'm serious! Coyotes! I'm too fat!''' **Source: Muscles ([[Aqua TV Show Show|ATVSS]], Episode 1) **Notes: Was mauled by coyotes off-screen. *'''Nice to meet you all. I'll see you all in hell.''' **Source: Juggalo (Season 7, Episode 8) **Notes: He commits suicide by shooting himself to death with a shotgun, at the end of the episode, he is seen washing Carl's Carl in hell. *'''Frylock, blow his head off! Do it now!''' **Source: Super Birthday Snake **Notes: Inside a simulation, Frylock accidentally kills Nathan Scott Phillips the snake with Shake and Meatwad inside, killing them, Both Shake and Meatwad are revived as zombies. *'''Oh, hey man. Whoa. AHHHH!!!''' **Source: The Creditor **Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Frylock and Carl. *'''Man, you gotta suck!''' **Source: The Hairy Bus ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 3) **Notes: Shake went inside the Hairy Bus, and then he is being slowly dissolved by the Bus' digestive juices, already enough his facial muscles are exposed, Frylock then sticks a stick of dynamite in the Hairy Bus' exhaust pipe/anal cavity and lights it, the dynamite explodes, blowing the Hairy Bus to bits and killing it and Shake. *'''No, it's not. See, I told you.''' **Source: Big Bro ([[Aqua Something You Know Whatever|ASYKW]], Episode 1) **Notes: This death is non-canon, Shake sticked a shotgun up in his mouth and kills himself, then revived in another scene. *'''I'm allergic to shellfish!''' **Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fucking Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8) **Notes: Shake was killed inside his nightmares. *'''AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE FOREVER!!!''' **Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fucking Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8) **Notes: Shake and Meatwad go to Clamydia to save Frylock's life by getting a new jewel, but Shake was eaten alive by clams. *'''Forgive them, Jimmy. They know not what they--''' **Source: The Greatest Story Ever TOLD ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 9) **Notes: Master Shake says this while getting gunned down by the police men, before he is killed, while Err, Ignignokt, Cybernetic Ghost, Oglethorpe, Hand Banana, Zucotti Manicotti, and Mothmonsterman. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout. *'''Who was that guy?''' **Source: [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am]] **Notes: Shake was crushed to death when the Ultra-Mega Chicken's foot lands on Shake, flattening him. ===Frylock=== *'''Oh, damn it! I slept with her ass, too.''' **Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3) **Note: The Aqua Teens witnessed Carl explode and release several eggs after the mermaid disappeared into his penis and implanted her eggs in him, Frylock exploded the same way. *'''No! No! NO!''' **Source: Last Dance for Napkin Lad ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 10) **Notes: Meatwad had the car crash into the reef with Frylock in it, killing him. *'''Meatwad, no! Wait! Don't strike that! Remember the gas leak?! I told you, the whole yard is full of—''' **Source: Reedickyoulous **Notes: TBD *'''Here's the kickball, who's your friend?''' **Source: The Creditor **Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Shake and Frylock. *'''Did you...''' ''[gasps]'' '''Did you get the jewel?''' **Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fuckinh Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8) **Notes: Frylock told Shake that he needs a new jewel or he's dead forever, Meatwad and Shake go to Clamydia to retreive the jewel from the giant clam, but Meatwad leaves it after using it to zap all the clams, then Frylock dies after his jewel ran out of power. ===Meatwad=== *'''Oh, Shakey, I told her I was saving myself for marriage and that it would screw up our friendship, but she got me drunk on red wine and... well...''' **Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3) **Note: Meatwad exploded as well, just like Frylock and Carl. *'''What does that matter? None of that matters now...''' **Source: Grim Reaper Gutters (Season 4, Episode 8) **Note: He shot himself with a gun, much to Shake and Frylock's horror. *'''He left. Again.''' **Source: THE (Season 2, Episode 22) **Notes: He, Carl and Master Shake die of conjunctivitis after the episode. *'''Let the parade... begin.''' **Source: Reedickyoulous **Notes: *'''Yeah, just keep shoutin', you stupid...''' **Source: Super Birthday Snake **Notes: Inside a simulation, Frylock accidentally kills Nathan Scott Phillips the snake with Shake and Meatwad inside, killing them, Both Shake and Meatwad are revived as zombies. ===Carl=== *'''''NO!! NO!! NO!!!''''' **Source: Video Oujia (Season 3, Episode 1) **Notes: Carl was completely crushed to death by being flattened by the Ultra Mega Chicken. *'''Fryman. Man. You changed.''' **Source: Super Birthday Snake (Season 2, Episode 1) **Notes: Inside a simulation, Carl was killed by being stabbed by Frlock and being thrown into his grave. *'''Ah, that takes two of ya. ''Let's go.''''' **Source: Global Grilling (Season 4, Episode 7) **Notes: Inside Shake's daydream, Carl was completely congested by the mucus men. *'''This is your, uh, great, great, great, uh... Your mother! ''' **Source: The Dressing (Season 2, Episode 21) **Notes: Was blown up by many Turkitrons. *'''Hey Nug, you gonna sign my arrow?''' ['''Ted Nugent''': Don't move man.] '''I got a Cat Scratch Fever loincloth I still wear on laundry night.''' ['''Ted Nugent''': I'm tellin' ya, don't move!] '''Why, what's the- ''AAAAAHHH!!''''' **Source: Gee Whiz (Season 3, Episode 4) **Note: He was shot with an flaming arrow and has his upper body explode. *'''No, no, I can't. I'm more of an expert at, uh- EXPOSING the moon. Get out your telescope! See if you'll find, uh, the one crater! Wait a minute- No, no, no! It's cool! It's all cool here! NO! NO!''' **Source: 2-and-a-Half-Star Wars Out of Five (Season 6, Episode 7) **Note: Carl was mauled to death by Drew offscreen, blood can be seen gushing out of his window. *'''Whoah! Oh god!''' **Source: Total Re-Carl (Season 2, Episode 13) **Note: Carl is shredded alive in Frank's environmental friendly toilet, leaving his head, his flip flops and his clothes behind. *'''Ohhh, I'm starting to itch now. Itch real bad. Go back up here, get out of my penis. Hold on. Have you been tested?''' **Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3) **Notes: Exploded into mermaid babies after the She Creature implanted eggs inside him. *'''It's pecan fudge, Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. We're doing this thing right now and it is in your-''' **Source: The South Bronx Paradise Diet (Season 3, Episode 10) **Notes: He died when he has a parasite come out of him. *''' Um, did my car always have that, or am I just uh...''' **Source: Kidney Car (Season 2, Episode 17) **Notes: Carl has his head explode because Shake told him to go to his house and shut up. *'''Uh, whatever it is you're about to do. Can we do it at the commercial break?''' ''[Creditor growls]'' '''All right, danke schoen, right? Isn't that what you're speaking, Kraut? Uh, wait! I don't know German!''' **Source: The Creditor **Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Shake and Frylock. ===Other Last Words=== *'''Oh, light it, quick.''' **Who: D.P. **Source: Frat Aliens **Notes: TBA *'''And that’s why I said you could not buy the roller skates. Hey, what happened to the window?''' **Who: Oglethorpe **Source: Frat Aliens **Notes: Oglethorpe and Emory are flung out of space. *'''Re-Unit-E on Ice!''' **Who: Ignignokt *'''The bullet of death blips towards you!''' **Who: Err **Source: The Greatest Story Ever Told ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 9) **Note: Err and Ignignokt get gunned down by the police men, disappears and leaves the pixel coins behind, while the other ATHF villians including Cybernetic Ghost, Oglethorpe, Hand Banana, Zucotti Manicotti, and Mothmonsterman. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout. Romulux was a tar monster, Rabbot was bullet proof, Markula flew away and Emory hid. *'''I got to go.''' **Who: Freda **Source: Freda **Notes: Freda commits suicide by jumping into the highway, being ran over by multiple vehicles. She later appears in the [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever]] opening and credits. *'''My party! My precious party! No!''' **Who: Markula **Source: Coupless Skate **Notes: Accidentally dissolved by Carl with champagne. *'''Uhh, Braveheart? Hello?''' **Who: Happy Time Harry **Source: Dumber Dolls **Notes: TBA *'''Shake, No!''' **Who: Ol' Drippy **Source: Ol' Drippy *'''Ah yes, but you've mentioned that in the past, and yet your father, hated hunting. Don't do this, I thought we were past this.''' **Who: Shake's Therapist **Source: The Creditor [[Category: Fictional last words]] [[Category: Aqua Teen Hunger Force]] ea0jq2d68kiib9ks0svjzhbjaytql4l 3949323 3949322 2026-06-05T21:38:32Z ~2026-33523-53 3337002 /* Frylock */ 3949323 wikitext text/x-wiki {{otherusesof|Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Aqua Teen Hunger Force}} This is a list of last words in ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''. The series, along with [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters|two]] [[Aqua Teen Forever: Plantasm|movies]] and one [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am|video game]] for PlayStation 2 has most deaths. Some characters may have more than one "death," in instances such as being resurrected, or existing temporarily as an undead being. In some of those instances, their last words from each "death" may be added if they are significant. ===Master Shake=== *'''Is that you, God?''' **Source: Balloonstein (Season 1, Episode 5) **Notes: This is Master Shake's first death, where he gets crushed by a giant meatwad. *'''You were missing that bullet in the magazine that day.''' **Source: Last Dance for Napkin Lad ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 10) **Notes: Is Shot three times by Meatwad. However, his voice was on recording. *'''No-no-no-no I need to live!!!''' **Source: Total Re-Carl (Season 2, Episode 13) **Notes: Murdered by Meatwad piloting a high-tech suit armed with rockets. *'''Okay, wait we can discuss this.''' **Source: Unremarkable Voyage (Season 3, Episode 2) **Notes: Shake is tortured by Meatwad, Frylock, and Carl, dying of shock and blood loss. *'''Aren't you coming back?''' **Source: THE (Season 2, Episode 22) **Notes: He, Carl and Meatwad die of conjunctivitis after the episode. *'''I'm straight, look at me!''' **Source: Dirtfoot (Season 4, Episode 1) **Notes: He accidentally sliced himself in half with a katana blade. *'''Good night.''' **Source: Video Oujia (Season 3, Episode 1) **Note: Shake says this before commits suicide by jumping into Carl's piranha filled pool, overdosed on sleeping pills and carbon monoxide in the next scene, he is later seen in the video game in the television when Frylock was playing the game. *'''NOOOO!!!!''' **Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3) **Notes: Was completely killed with a chainsaw. *'''This is the dumbest thing I've ever done!''' **Source: Vampires ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 6) *Notes: Shake was mauled by bears. *'''Oh yeah, Is that what you think? Why don't you hit that switch over there and you tell me?''' **Source: The South Bronx Paradise Diet (Season 3, Episode 9) **Notes: Shake hooks himself via his straw to a vacuum in an attempt to loss weight. *'''Woah! You do have molecular transporters! Downloadable switchblades! That's a new feat-OH NO!''' **Source: Boost Mobile **Notes: TBA *'''Hell no! Let's see the Marines try to take me like this!''' **Source: Marines **Notes: The death is not canon, Shake shot himself with a gun, and his head is reassembled in another scene. *'''Oh, shut up! “There can be, only one!”''' **Source: Dumber Dolls (Season 1, Episode 13) **Note: Master Shake fell off after the branch snapped that he was holding, he came back in a wheelchair and lift the sword up, lightning struck Master Shake and he fell off, and is set on fire. *'''Wait! I need my goggles! I need my UV ray gogg- 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 BLAST OFF!!''' **Source: Party All the Time (Season 4, Episode 6) **Notes: Is exploded while being tied to a rocket after Meatwad lighted it up. *'''Yeah, I'll see you nerds later. Help me up... bitch. Then I'm out of here!''' **Source: Bookie ([[Aqua Something You Know Whatever|ASYKW]], Episode 6) **Note: Shake had swallowed the sword, which he killed himself by impaling himself through mouth and lost a lot of blood. *'''I got the what now?''' **Source: Carl (Season 3, Episode 13) **Notes: Shake gruesomely gets his skin pulled off before dying to Frylock’s security bot ordered by Meatwad. *''[mooing]'' '''I'm serious! Coyotes! I'm too fat!''' **Source: Muscles ([[Aqua TV Show Show|ATVSS]], Episode 1) **Notes: Was mauled by coyotes off-screen. *'''Nice to meet you all. I'll see you all in hell.''' **Source: Juggalo (Season 7, Episode 8) **Notes: He commits suicide by shooting himself to death with a shotgun, at the end of the episode, he is seen washing Carl's Carl in hell. *'''Frylock, blow his head off! Do it now!''' **Source: Super Birthday Snake **Notes: Inside a simulation, Frylock accidentally kills Nathan Scott Phillips the snake with Shake and Meatwad inside, killing them, Both Shake and Meatwad are revived as zombies. *'''Oh, hey man. Whoa. AHHHH!!!''' **Source: The Creditor **Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Frylock and Carl. *'''Man, you gotta suck!''' **Source: The Hairy Bus ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 3) **Notes: Shake went inside the Hairy Bus, and then he is being slowly dissolved by the Bus' digestive juices, already enough his facial muscles are exposed, Frylock then sticks a stick of dynamite in the Hairy Bus' exhaust pipe/anal cavity and lights it, the dynamite explodes, blowing the Hairy Bus to bits and killing it and Shake. *'''No, it's not. See, I told you.''' **Source: Big Bro ([[Aqua Something You Know Whatever|ASYKW]], Episode 1) **Notes: This death is non-canon, Shake sticked a shotgun up in his mouth and kills himself, then revived in another scene. *'''I'm allergic to shellfish!''' **Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fucking Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8) **Notes: Shake was killed inside his nightmares. *'''AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE FOREVER!!!''' **Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fucking Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8) **Notes: Shake and Meatwad go to Clamydia to save Frylock's life by getting a new jewel, but Shake was eaten alive by clams. *'''Forgive them, Jimmy. They know not what they--''' **Source: The Greatest Story Ever TOLD ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 9) **Notes: Master Shake says this while getting gunned down by the police men, before he is killed, while Err, Ignignokt, Cybernetic Ghost, Oglethorpe, Hand Banana, Zucotti Manicotti, and Mothmonsterman. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout. *'''Who was that guy?''' **Source: [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am]] **Notes: Shake was crushed to death when the Ultra-Mega Chicken's foot lands on Shake, flattening him. ===Frylock=== *'''Oh, damn it! I slept with her ass, too.''' **Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3) **Note: The Aqua Teens witnessed Carl explode and release several eggs after the mermaid disappeared into his penis and implanted her eggs in him, Frylock exploded the same way. *'''No! No! NO!''' **Source: Last Dance for Napkin Lad ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 10) **Notes: Meatwad had the car crash into the reef with Frylock in it, killing him. *'''Alright. No, wait! The gas!''' **Source: Reedickyoulous **Notes: TBD *'''Here's the kickball, who's your friend?''' **Source: The Creditor **Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Shake and Frylock. *'''Did you...''' ''[gasps]'' '''Did you get the jewel?''' **Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fuckinh Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8) **Notes: Frylock told Shake that he needs a new jewel or he's dead forever, Meatwad and Shake go to Clamydia to retreive the jewel from the giant clam, but Meatwad leaves it after using it to zap all the clams, then Frylock dies after his jewel ran out of power. ===Meatwad=== *'''Oh, Shakey, I told her I was saving myself for marriage and that it would screw up our friendship, but she got me drunk on red wine and... well...''' **Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3) **Note: Meatwad exploded as well, just like Frylock and Carl. *'''What does that matter? None of that matters now...''' **Source: Grim Reaper Gutters (Season 4, Episode 8) **Note: He shot himself with a gun, much to Shake and Frylock's horror. *'''He left. Again.''' **Source: THE (Season 2, Episode 22) **Notes: He, Carl and Master Shake die of conjunctivitis after the episode. *'''Let the parade... begin.''' **Source: Reedickyoulous **Notes: *'''Yeah, just keep shoutin', you stupid...''' **Source: Super Birthday Snake **Notes: Inside a simulation, Frylock accidentally kills Nathan Scott Phillips the snake with Shake and Meatwad inside, killing them, Both Shake and Meatwad are revived as zombies. ===Carl=== *'''''NO!! NO!! NO!!!''''' **Source: Video Oujia (Season 3, Episode 1) **Notes: Carl was completely crushed to death by being flattened by the Ultra Mega Chicken. *'''Fryman. Man. You changed.''' **Source: Super Birthday Snake (Season 2, Episode 1) **Notes: Inside a simulation, Carl was killed by being stabbed by Frlock and being thrown into his grave. *'''Ah, that takes two of ya. ''Let's go.''''' **Source: Global Grilling (Season 4, Episode 7) **Notes: Inside Shake's daydream, Carl was completely congested by the mucus men. *'''This is your, uh, great, great, great, uh... Your mother! ''' **Source: The Dressing (Season 2, Episode 21) **Notes: Was blown up by many Turkitrons. *'''Hey Nug, you gonna sign my arrow?''' ['''Ted Nugent''': Don't move man.] '''I got a Cat Scratch Fever loincloth I still wear on laundry night.''' ['''Ted Nugent''': I'm tellin' ya, don't move!] '''Why, what's the- ''AAAAAHHH!!''''' **Source: Gee Whiz (Season 3, Episode 4) **Note: He was shot with an flaming arrow and has his upper body explode. *'''No, no, I can't. I'm more of an expert at, uh- EXPOSING the moon. Get out your telescope! See if you'll find, uh, the one crater! Wait a minute- No, no, no! It's cool! It's all cool here! NO! NO!''' **Source: 2-and-a-Half-Star Wars Out of Five (Season 6, Episode 7) **Note: Carl was mauled to death by Drew offscreen, blood can be seen gushing out of his window. *'''Whoah! Oh god!''' **Source: Total Re-Carl (Season 2, Episode 13) **Note: Carl is shredded alive in Frank's environmental friendly toilet, leaving his head, his flip flops and his clothes behind. *'''Ohhh, I'm starting to itch now. Itch real bad. Go back up here, get out of my penis. Hold on. Have you been tested?''' **Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3) **Notes: Exploded into mermaid babies after the She Creature implanted eggs inside him. *'''It's pecan fudge, Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. We're doing this thing right now and it is in your-''' **Source: The South Bronx Paradise Diet (Season 3, Episode 10) **Notes: He died when he has a parasite come out of him. *''' Um, did my car always have that, or am I just uh...''' **Source: Kidney Car (Season 2, Episode 17) **Notes: Carl has his head explode because Shake told him to go to his house and shut up. *'''Uh, whatever it is you're about to do. Can we do it at the commercial break?''' ''[Creditor growls]'' '''All right, danke schoen, right? Isn't that what you're speaking, Kraut? Uh, wait! I don't know German!''' **Source: The Creditor **Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Shake and Frylock. ===Other Last Words=== *'''Oh, light it, quick.''' **Who: D.P. **Source: Frat Aliens **Notes: TBA *'''And that’s why I said you could not buy the roller skates. Hey, what happened to the window?''' **Who: Oglethorpe **Source: Frat Aliens **Notes: Oglethorpe and Emory are flung out of space. *'''Re-Unit-E on Ice!''' **Who: Ignignokt *'''The bullet of death blips towards you!''' **Who: Err **Source: The Greatest Story Ever Told ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 9) **Note: Err and Ignignokt get gunned down by the police men, disappears and leaves the pixel coins behind, while the other ATHF villians including Cybernetic Ghost, Oglethorpe, Hand Banana, Zucotti Manicotti, and Mothmonsterman. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout. Romulux was a tar monster, Rabbot was bullet proof, Markula flew away and Emory hid. *'''I got to go.''' **Who: Freda **Source: Freda **Notes: Freda commits suicide by jumping into the highway, being ran over by multiple vehicles. She later appears in the [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever]] opening and credits. *'''My party! My precious party! No!''' **Who: Markula **Source: Coupless Skate **Notes: Accidentally dissolved by Carl with champagne. *'''Uhh, Braveheart? Hello?''' **Who: Happy Time Harry **Source: Dumber Dolls **Notes: TBA *'''Shake, No!''' **Who: Ol' Drippy **Source: Ol' Drippy *'''Ah yes, but you've mentioned that in the past, and yet your father, hated hunting. Don't do this, I thought we were past this.''' **Who: Shake's Therapist **Source: The Creditor [[Category: Fictional last words]] [[Category: Aqua Teen Hunger Force]] m24tth3g3asw49cw3bg4lxn38dkupmx 3949324 3949323 2026-06-05T21:38:47Z ~2026-33523-53 3337002 /* Meatwad */ 3949324 wikitext text/x-wiki {{otherusesof|Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Aqua Teen Hunger Force}} This is a list of last words in ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''. The series, along with [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters|two]] [[Aqua Teen Forever: Plantasm|movies]] and one [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am|video game]] for PlayStation 2 has most deaths. Some characters may have more than one "death," in instances such as being resurrected, or existing temporarily as an undead being. In some of those instances, their last words from each "death" may be added if they are significant. ===Master Shake=== *'''Is that you, God?''' **Source: Balloonstein (Season 1, Episode 5) **Notes: This is Master Shake's first death, where he gets crushed by a giant meatwad. *'''You were missing that bullet in the magazine that day.''' **Source: Last Dance for Napkin Lad ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 10) **Notes: Is Shot three times by Meatwad. However, his voice was on recording. *'''No-no-no-no I need to live!!!''' **Source: Total Re-Carl (Season 2, Episode 13) **Notes: Murdered by Meatwad piloting a high-tech suit armed with rockets. *'''Okay, wait we can discuss this.''' **Source: Unremarkable Voyage (Season 3, Episode 2) **Notes: Shake is tortured by Meatwad, Frylock, and Carl, dying of shock and blood loss. *'''Aren't you coming back?''' **Source: THE (Season 2, Episode 22) **Notes: He, Carl and Meatwad die of conjunctivitis after the episode. *'''I'm straight, look at me!''' **Source: Dirtfoot (Season 4, Episode 1) **Notes: He accidentally sliced himself in half with a katana blade. *'''Good night.''' **Source: Video Oujia (Season 3, Episode 1) **Note: Shake says this before commits suicide by jumping into Carl's piranha filled pool, overdosed on sleeping pills and carbon monoxide in the next scene, he is later seen in the video game in the television when Frylock was playing the game. *'''NOOOO!!!!''' **Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3) **Notes: Was completely killed with a chainsaw. *'''This is the dumbest thing I've ever done!''' **Source: Vampires ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 6) *Notes: Shake was mauled by bears. *'''Oh yeah, Is that what you think? Why don't you hit that switch over there and you tell me?''' **Source: The South Bronx Paradise Diet (Season 3, Episode 9) **Notes: Shake hooks himself via his straw to a vacuum in an attempt to loss weight. *'''Woah! You do have molecular transporters! Downloadable switchblades! That's a new feat-OH NO!''' **Source: Boost Mobile **Notes: TBA *'''Hell no! Let's see the Marines try to take me like this!''' **Source: Marines **Notes: The death is not canon, Shake shot himself with a gun, and his head is reassembled in another scene. *'''Oh, shut up! “There can be, only one!”''' **Source: Dumber Dolls (Season 1, Episode 13) **Note: Master Shake fell off after the branch snapped that he was holding, he came back in a wheelchair and lift the sword up, lightning struck Master Shake and he fell off, and is set on fire. *'''Wait! I need my goggles! I need my UV ray gogg- 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 BLAST OFF!!''' **Source: Party All the Time (Season 4, Episode 6) **Notes: Is exploded while being tied to a rocket after Meatwad lighted it up. *'''Yeah, I'll see you nerds later. Help me up... bitch. Then I'm out of here!''' **Source: Bookie ([[Aqua Something You Know Whatever|ASYKW]], Episode 6) **Note: Shake had swallowed the sword, which he killed himself by impaling himself through mouth and lost a lot of blood. *'''I got the what now?''' **Source: Carl (Season 3, Episode 13) **Notes: Shake gruesomely gets his skin pulled off before dying to Frylock’s security bot ordered by Meatwad. *''[mooing]'' '''I'm serious! Coyotes! I'm too fat!''' **Source: Muscles ([[Aqua TV Show Show|ATVSS]], Episode 1) **Notes: Was mauled by coyotes off-screen. *'''Nice to meet you all. I'll see you all in hell.''' **Source: Juggalo (Season 7, Episode 8) **Notes: He commits suicide by shooting himself to death with a shotgun, at the end of the episode, he is seen washing Carl's Carl in hell. *'''Frylock, blow his head off! Do it now!''' **Source: Super Birthday Snake **Notes: Inside a simulation, Frylock accidentally kills Nathan Scott Phillips the snake with Shake and Meatwad inside, killing them, Both Shake and Meatwad are revived as zombies. *'''Oh, hey man. Whoa. AHHHH!!!''' **Source: The Creditor **Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Frylock and Carl. *'''Man, you gotta suck!''' **Source: The Hairy Bus ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 3) **Notes: Shake went inside the Hairy Bus, and then he is being slowly dissolved by the Bus' digestive juices, already enough his facial muscles are exposed, Frylock then sticks a stick of dynamite in the Hairy Bus' exhaust pipe/anal cavity and lights it, the dynamite explodes, blowing the Hairy Bus to bits and killing it and Shake. *'''No, it's not. See, I told you.''' **Source: Big Bro ([[Aqua Something You Know Whatever|ASYKW]], Episode 1) **Notes: This death is non-canon, Shake sticked a shotgun up in his mouth and kills himself, then revived in another scene. *'''I'm allergic to shellfish!''' **Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fucking Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8) **Notes: Shake was killed inside his nightmares. *'''AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE FOREVER!!!''' **Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fucking Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8) **Notes: Shake and Meatwad go to Clamydia to save Frylock's life by getting a new jewel, but Shake was eaten alive by clams. *'''Forgive them, Jimmy. They know not what they--''' **Source: The Greatest Story Ever TOLD ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 9) **Notes: Master Shake says this while getting gunned down by the police men, before he is killed, while Err, Ignignokt, Cybernetic Ghost, Oglethorpe, Hand Banana, Zucotti Manicotti, and Mothmonsterman. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout. *'''Who was that guy?''' **Source: [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am]] **Notes: Shake was crushed to death when the Ultra-Mega Chicken's foot lands on Shake, flattening him. ===Frylock=== *'''Oh, damn it! I slept with her ass, too.''' **Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3) **Note: The Aqua Teens witnessed Carl explode and release several eggs after the mermaid disappeared into his penis and implanted her eggs in him, Frylock exploded the same way. *'''No! No! NO!''' **Source: Last Dance for Napkin Lad ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 10) **Notes: Meatwad had the car crash into the reef with Frylock in it, killing him. *'''Alright. No, wait! The gas!''' **Source: Reedickyoulous **Notes: TBD *'''Here's the kickball, who's your friend?''' **Source: The Creditor **Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Shake and Frylock. *'''Did you...''' ''[gasps]'' '''Did you get the jewel?''' **Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fuckinh Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8) **Notes: Frylock told Shake that he needs a new jewel or he's dead forever, Meatwad and Shake go to Clamydia to retreive the jewel from the giant clam, but Meatwad leaves it after using it to zap all the clams, then Frylock dies after his jewel ran out of power. ===Meatwad=== *'''Oh, Shakey, I told her I was saving myself for marriage and that it would screw up our friendship, but she got me drunk on red wine and... well...''' **Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3) **Note: Meatwad exploded as well, just like Frylock and Carl. *'''What does that matter? None of that matters now...''' **Source: Grim Reaper Gutters (Season 4, Episode 8) **Note: He shot himself with a gun, much to Shake and Frylock's horror. *'''He left. Again.''' **Source: THE (Season 2, Episode 22) **Notes: He, Carl and Master Shake die of conjunctivitis after the episode. *'''I call my first cigarette.''' **Source: Reedickyoulous **Notes: *'''Yeah, just keep shoutin', you stupid...''' **Source: Super Birthday Snake **Notes: Inside a simulation, Frylock accidentally kills Nathan Scott Phillips the snake with Shake and Meatwad inside, killing them, Both Shake and Meatwad are revived as zombies. ===Carl=== *'''''NO!! NO!! NO!!!''''' **Source: Video Oujia (Season 3, Episode 1) **Notes: Carl was completely crushed to death by being flattened by the Ultra Mega Chicken. *'''Fryman. Man. You changed.''' **Source: Super Birthday Snake (Season 2, Episode 1) **Notes: Inside a simulation, Carl was killed by being stabbed by Frlock and being thrown into his grave. *'''Ah, that takes two of ya. ''Let's go.''''' **Source: Global Grilling (Season 4, Episode 7) **Notes: Inside Shake's daydream, Carl was completely congested by the mucus men. *'''This is your, uh, great, great, great, uh... Your mother! ''' **Source: The Dressing (Season 2, Episode 21) **Notes: Was blown up by many Turkitrons. *'''Hey Nug, you gonna sign my arrow?''' ['''Ted Nugent''': Don't move man.] '''I got a Cat Scratch Fever loincloth I still wear on laundry night.''' ['''Ted Nugent''': I'm tellin' ya, don't move!] '''Why, what's the- ''AAAAAHHH!!''''' **Source: Gee Whiz (Season 3, Episode 4) **Note: He was shot with an flaming arrow and has his upper body explode. *'''No, no, I can't. I'm more of an expert at, uh- EXPOSING the moon. Get out your telescope! See if you'll find, uh, the one crater! Wait a minute- No, no, no! It's cool! It's all cool here! NO! NO!''' **Source: 2-and-a-Half-Star Wars Out of Five (Season 6, Episode 7) **Note: Carl was mauled to death by Drew offscreen, blood can be seen gushing out of his window. *'''Whoah! Oh god!''' **Source: Total Re-Carl (Season 2, Episode 13) **Note: Carl is shredded alive in Frank's environmental friendly toilet, leaving his head, his flip flops and his clothes behind. *'''Ohhh, I'm starting to itch now. Itch real bad. Go back up here, get out of my penis. Hold on. Have you been tested?''' **Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3) **Notes: Exploded into mermaid babies after the She Creature implanted eggs inside him. *'''It's pecan fudge, Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. We're doing this thing right now and it is in your-''' **Source: The South Bronx Paradise Diet (Season 3, Episode 10) **Notes: He died when he has a parasite come out of him. *''' Um, did my car always have that, or am I just uh...''' **Source: Kidney Car (Season 2, Episode 17) **Notes: Carl has his head explode because Shake told him to go to his house and shut up. *'''Uh, whatever it is you're about to do. Can we do it at the commercial break?''' ''[Creditor growls]'' '''All right, danke schoen, right? Isn't that what you're speaking, Kraut? Uh, wait! I don't know German!''' **Source: The Creditor **Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Shake and Frylock. ===Other Last Words=== *'''Oh, light it, quick.''' **Who: D.P. **Source: Frat Aliens **Notes: TBA *'''And that’s why I said you could not buy the roller skates. Hey, what happened to the window?''' **Who: Oglethorpe **Source: Frat Aliens **Notes: Oglethorpe and Emory are flung out of space. *'''Re-Unit-E on Ice!''' **Who: Ignignokt *'''The bullet of death blips towards you!''' **Who: Err **Source: The Greatest Story Ever Told ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 9) **Note: Err and Ignignokt get gunned down by the police men, disappears and leaves the pixel coins behind, while the other ATHF villians including Cybernetic Ghost, Oglethorpe, Hand Banana, Zucotti Manicotti, and Mothmonsterman. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout. Romulux was a tar monster, Rabbot was bullet proof, Markula flew away and Emory hid. *'''I got to go.''' **Who: Freda **Source: Freda **Notes: Freda commits suicide by jumping into the highway, being ran over by multiple vehicles. She later appears in the [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever]] opening and credits. *'''My party! My precious party! No!''' **Who: Markula **Source: Coupless Skate **Notes: Accidentally dissolved by Carl with champagne. *'''Uhh, Braveheart? Hello?''' **Who: Happy Time Harry **Source: Dumber Dolls **Notes: TBA *'''Shake, No!''' **Who: Ol' Drippy **Source: Ol' Drippy *'''Ah yes, but you've mentioned that in the past, and yet your father, hated hunting. Don't do this, I thought we were past this.''' **Who: Shake's Therapist **Source: The Creditor [[Category: Fictional last words]] [[Category: Aqua Teen Hunger Force]] dvkwlctsq9j1xolnadyxpux34bhhy6i 0 304631 3949189 3949148 2026-06-05T13:35:16Z Baratiiman 842201 /* */ 3949189 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Abdul_Rahman_Mosque_in_March_2010.jpg|thumb|There is women with manteaus being thrown out of mosques but they are now the ones waving flag [https://www.tabnak.ir/fa/news/1375015/%D9%BE%D8%B2%D8%B4%DA%A9%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%AE%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%AC%D8%AF-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D9%86%D9%85%E2%80%8C%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D9%88%DB%8C%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%88%D9%86-%D9%85%DB%8C%E2%80%8C%DA%A9%D9%86%D9%86%D8%AF Pezeshkia]]][[File:Comintern Logo.svg|thumb|Cuba has collapsed. We will handle that as soon as we take care of the Islamic Republic of IranWe will take good care of them. We will let them go back to their land, invest in Cuba, and be with their families. We have very good plan… then on our way back, we’ll make a little brief stop These are unbelievable people. Energetic. Entrepreneurial. Some of the richest people in Miami are Cuban[https://en.cibercuba.com/noticias/2026-06-05-u1-e199894-s27061-nid331291-trump-asegura-cubanos-quieren-presencia-estados Trump]]] [[File:Abbas Araghchi in a interview with khamenei.ir (cropped 2).jpg|thumb|The building where we were sitting was targeted, but the wing we were in remained intact , After returning from the Geneva negotiations on Friday, I went to his office at 9 a.m. on Saturday to present my report, My report was about the negotiations and the atmosphere that emerged on Friday, which made the possibility of war much greater, When I got out from under the rubble, I was only thinking about whether he had been the target of the strike or not ~Iraqchi[https://www.iranintl.com/en/202606047013 ]]][[File:Donald Trump official portrait.jpg|thumb|If Iran surrenders, admits their Navy is gone and resting at the bottom of the sea, and their Air Force is no longer with us, and if their entire Military walks out of Tehran, weapons dropped and hands held high, each shouting “I surrender, I surrender” while wildly waving the representative White Flag, and if their entire remaining Leadership signs all necessary “Documents of Surrender,” and admit their defeat to the great power and force of the magnificent U.S.A., The Failing New York Times, The China Street Journal (WSJ!), Corrupt and now Irrelevant CNN, and all other members of the Fake News Media, will headline that Iran had a Masterful and Brilliant Victory over The United States of America, it wasn’t even close ~ Trump[https://www.iranintl.com/en/202605262547 ]]][[File:Official portrait of Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent (borderless) (cropped).jpg|thumb|We have seized about a billion dollars of their crypto, Just outright grabbed the wallets. I think between five and a half-six weeks of an incredibly successful military campaign and then Operation Economic Fury, where we have really cut them off … they are at the end of their tether now financially. We didn't have regime change but we changed the regime, on one side, we have a theocracy with the clerics. On the other side, we have a thug autocracy with the IRGC. And you've got to convince both sides.[https://www.foxbusiness.com/media/scott-bessent-says-us-seized-roughly-1b-iranian-crypto-regime-nears-end-tether ~Bessent]]][[File:Official portrait of Secretary Marco Rubio (cropped)(2).jpg|thumb|One of the things you'll find pretty consistently in every totalitarian system is that they want to control the ability of their citizens to communicate with one another ~Rubio [https://x.com/StateDept/status/2062260777348718963 ]]] [[File:Strait of Hormuz.jpg|thumb|Blockade Plus : Sustain the blockade and accompanying economic warfare to destabilize the regime’s hold on the state; remake the world in America’s energy dominance image to mitigate long-term price impacts while undermining China’s global ambition to defeat the United States; and order the US military to forge a path through the Strait of Hormuz to restore freedom of navigation [https://nypost.com/2026/05/01/opinion/heres-how-to-crush-tehran-in-three-moves/ ]]] [[File:Pirate Flag of Jack Rackham.svg|thumb|We took over the ship; we took over the cargo, took over the oil. It’s a very profitable business . . . We’re like pirates. We’re sort of like pirates. - Trump[https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/05/09/trump-pirates-iran-ships-china-us-sanctions/]]] [[File:Flag of the United States Secretary of the Army.svg|thumb|God is good~Hegseth[https://www.cnn.com/2026/04/06/politics/hegseth-trump-iran-war-easter-christianity-analysis ]]][[File:TrinityDetonation1945GIF.gif|thumb|If there's no ceasefire, you're just going to have to look at one big glow coming out of Iran. President DJT[https://www.skynews.com.au/world-news/united-states/one-big-glow-coming-out-of-iran-trumps-wild-threat-as-he-hints-peace-deal-talks-might-collapse/video/8a668c00deaff3d27568bc78441e4a29 ]]] [[File:Seal_of_the_Army_of_the_Guardians_of_the_Islamic_Revolution.svg|thumb|Having an atomic bomb is used to scare the enemy, and we should not use this bomb on the people in any way, unless it happens.[http://didbaniran.ir/fa/tiny/news-281553 Nataj]]][[File:Donald Trump OEF.jpg|thumb|Trump: "I think the war is very complete, pretty much" (Mar 9th)]] [[File:Shajareh_Tayyebeh_school_in_Minab_photos_from_Mehr_(12).jpg|thumb|The American philosophy is, number one, you bomb civilians, you break all the rules of international law which are against that. You bomb civilians to demoralize them. And if you concentrate, as Trump did, along with Israel, {{w|2026 Minab school attack|a few weeks ago}}, you bomb the schools, you bomb the hospitals. - [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]] [https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/03/29/war-iran-change-economy-michael-hudson/] ]] On 28 February 2026, [[Israel]] and the [[United States]] launched a '''[[w:2026 Iran War|coordinated joint attack]]''' on multiple sites in [[Iran]], sparking a major conflict. The operation, codenamed '''Operation Roaring Lion''' and '''Operation Epic Fury''' by the [[w:United States Department of Defense|U.S. Department of Defense]], targeted senior Iranian officials, military command centers, and key strategic facilities, with the declared aim of [[w:regime change|regime change]]. The attack included the [[w:Assassination of Ali Khamenei|assassination]] of Iran’s second [[w:Supreme Leader of Iran|Supreme Leader]], [[Ali Khamenei]]. The strikes began in the cities of [[Tehran]], [[w:Isfahan|Isfahan]], [[w:Qom|Qom]], [[w:Karaj|Karaj]], and [[w:Kermanshah|Kermanshah]]. Several Iranian government figures were killed, including [[w:Ali Shamkhani|Ali Shamkhani]], the secretary of the [[w:Supreme National Security Council|Supreme National Security Council]]. Witnesses reported explosions across multiple regions. Israeli Defense Minister [[w:Israel Katz|Israel Katz]] confirmed that the [[w:Israel Defense Forces|Israel Defense Forces]] had conducted the strikes. [[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]], in a video posted on [[w:Truth Social|Truth Social]], announced that the United States had joined Israel in launching attacks against Iran. In retaliation, Iranian forces launched dozens of [[w:Unmanned aerial vehicles in the Iranian military|drones]] and [[w:ballistic missiles|ballistic missiles]] across the [[w:Persian Gulf|Persian Gulf]], targeting Israel as well as U.S. military installations in [[Jordan]], [[Kuwait]], [[w:Bahrain|Bahrain]], [[Qatar]], [[Iraq]], [[Saudi Arabia]], and the [[United Arab Emirates]]. [[File:Khamenei last end year 5458884.jpg|thumb|The newly supreme appointed leader should deliver message of the peace to world and declare new era in Iran , a historic neccessity to free political prisoners and declare public general amnesty for those that haven't collaborated in killing Iranians and/or 2026 Iran massacres [https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3198657-%D8%AC%D8%A8%D9%87%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B5%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%AD%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C-%D8%AC%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AD%D8%A7%D9%88%DB%8C-%D9%BE%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B5%D9%84%D8%AD-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AC%D9%87%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A2%D8%BA%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%AF%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D8%B9%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%81%D9%88-%D8%B9%D9%85%D9%88%D9%85%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%87-%DA%A9%D8%B3%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%B4%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%A2%D9%84%D9%88%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%86%D8%B4%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A2%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D9%87%D9%85%D9%87-%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-%D9%81%D8%B9%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%AF%D9%86%DB%8C-%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D8%B6%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%AA-%D9%85%D9%84%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AE%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ]]][[File:Mojtaba Khamenei 2019.jpg|thumb|another Khamenei is coming.~[https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3198781-%D8%AA%D8%A7%DB%8C%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%AA%D9%84%D9%88%DB%8C%D8%AD%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%A2%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%84%D9%87-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%AC%D8%AA%D8%A8%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%B9%D9%86%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%A8%D8%B9%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D9%88%D8%B3%D8%B7-%D8%B9%D8%B6%D9%88-%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C QomImam]]][[File:Flag of the Cooperation Council for the Arab States of the Gulf.svg|thumb|Trump is hysterical and struggling with last final breaths. Americans are at the end of their rope. Enemy is caught in desperate swamp...Netanyahu pumped up US to attack, we will exact vengeance...Trump you are a retarded person, ...we are funneling through pass of war,... Iranians have civilization, countries of region are acting like cuckold pimps... Trump says some people within of our military have defected give us 2 of these people names to us[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77421052/%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%A2%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%82%D8%A8-%D8%A7%D9%81%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF ~Larijani][https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77421726/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D9%86%D9%81%D8%B3-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D8%AE%D8%B1-%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D8%B4%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%88 ][https://farsnews.ir/mohammadreza_dehghan/1772912586911483130/%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA%D9%86-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%B3%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%86%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%85 ]]][[File:State_flag_of_Iran_(1964%E2%80%931980).svg|thumb|Seventeen 17 cities of Caucasian Iran was separated from Iran by Tsar Russia. We are reborn from ashes of Mongol invasion and Timurid.[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77413081/%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%86-%D9%88-%D8%AE%D8%A7%DA%A9 ]]] == Quotes == <small>Please add quotes in chronological order</small> ===Feb 2026=== * Will someone please tell [[Pope Leo XIV|Pope Leo]] that Iran has killed at least 42,000 innocent, completely unarmed, protesters in the last two months? **[https://www.wsj.com/livecoverage/iran-us-strait-of-hormuz-blockade-updates/card/trump-criticizing-pope-says-iran-killed-at-least-42-000-protesters-gtRzVnxAMEMeQ8b5ygR2 Trump] *I guess the worst case would be five years we do this and somebody takes over who's as bad as the previous person, **[https://www.nytimes.com/2026/03/03/us/politics/trump-iran-leaders.html Trump] *We have lost our great leader, and we deeply mourn him. We'll severely punish the perpetrators. , with an exceptionally severe, decisive, and painful punishment. We'll resolutely confront domestic and foreign conspiracies and punish the aggressors. **[https://baike.baidu.com/en/item/Grand%20Ayatollah%20Seyyed%20Ali%20Khamenei/1512308#4-5:~:text=On-,February%2028%2C%202026,-%2C%20local%20time%2C%20Iranian IRGC]15:27, 28 Febr 2026 (UTC)~ *Finally, to the great, proud people of Iran, I say tonight that the hour of your freedom is at hand… Stay sheltered. Don't leave your home. It's very dangerous outside. Bombs will be dropping everywhere . when we are finished, take over your government. It will be yours to take. This will be probably your only chance for **Trump [https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/read-trumps-full-statement-on-iran-attack PRESIDENT TRUMP's message to the great people of Iran ..] *firm of heart against the disbelievers, compassionate among themselves. **Khamenei quoted Quran[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77473280/%D8%A3%D8%B4%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%A1-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D9%84%DA%A9%D9%81%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%AD%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%A1-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%D9%87%D9%85 ] *There's a special place in hell reserved for pro-Trump Iranians. **IRGC Mashre Dimitri Lascaris [https://www.shahrekhabar.com/news/177328434067132 ] *400,000 armed people are ready to go to revolt against the United States government system **Gen Araste[https://www.ettelaat.com/news/140255/%DB%B4%DB%B0%DB%B0-%D9%87%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D9%86%D9%81%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%AD-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%82%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%87-%D9%86%D8%B8%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86-%DA%A9%D8%B4%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF#ref=shahrekhabar ] *Russia and China will win the war not just Iran **IRGC Gen RahimSafavi[https://www.shahrekhabar.com/news/177326496039426 ] *We have arm around Americans neck we will be slapping it when it moves **IRGC Gen Mohsen rezai[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77471755/%D9%85%D8%AD%D8%B3%D9%86-%D8%B1%D8%B6%D8%A7%DB%8C%DB%8C-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%BE%D8%B4%D8%AA-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D8%AF-%D8%AA%DA%A9%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%AF-%DB%8C%DA%A9 ] *If anyone comes to street they are seen as enemies and not as protestors.All our kids are putting their finger on triggers all alleys , streets , city squares belong to Police, special units and The IRGC Basij. **FARAJA Cmdr Gen Ahmed Radan[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77462710/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%DA%A9%D8%B3%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D9%88-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%B6 ] * I can see that the peace deal is within our reach... if we... allow [[diplomacy]] the space it needs to get there... I don't think any alternative to diplomacy is going to solve this problem. ...The [[heart]] of this deal is very important and ...we have captured that heart. ...[I]f the ultimate objective is to ensure forever, that Iran cannot have a [[Nuclear weapons|nuclear bomb]] ...we have cracked that problem ...[W]e are talking about zero stockpiling ...[I]f you cannot stockpile material that is enriched ...there is no way you can ...create a bomb ...and ...equally important ...full and comprehensive verification by the [[w:International Atomic Energy Agency|IAEA]] ...The current stockpiles ...will be down-blended to the lowest level possible ...and converted into fuel that ...will be irreversible. ...I am ...confident ...that even the United States inspectors will have access at some point ...if we have a deal that is respected, and fair, and ...durable ...We have agreed, in general, to discuss economic and security cooperation between Iran and its neighbors, and set up a process of dialogue that will ...start the elements of building confidence, ...a rapport, a process that can ...lead ...to an understanding on all these ...areas of concern ...on the Iranian side, and ...on the [[w:Gulf Cooperation Council|GCC]] side. ...Broad terms, ...the politics, the ...main issues ...can be agreed [upon] tomorrow. The technicalities will take some time to work... out with... the IAEA. ...[T]hat can also be done ...relatively quickly, because a lot of this ...groundwork was done years ago, and it's ...in place. ...The substantial progress... is... far more than any time before. We just need that bit of extra time to close the deal. ** {{w|Badr bin Hamad Al Busaidi}}, "Oman's foreign minister says U.S.-Iran nuclear 'deal is within our reach'" (Feb 27, 2026) ''{{w|Face the Nation}}'' statements prior to the US-Israeli attacks. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pg5sXQDR8NY&t=38s A Youtube video source.] *Mahdi is with us and in charge of Umma, he has through Assembly of Experts introduced Ayatallah Mojtaba Khamenei **[https://kayhan.ir/fa/news/328896/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B2%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B9%D8%AC-%D9%88%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%81%D9%82%DB%8C%D9%87-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%B1%D9%81%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D9%86%DA%A9%D8%AA%D9%87 Hossein Shariatmadare] *The revolution will not sit down until flag of Mahdi is raised on all corners of earth **[https://kayhan.ir/fa/news/328901/%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%86%D9%87%E2%80%8C%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%AC%D8%AA%D8%A8%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA Hossein Shariatmadare] *To save his soldiers Trump has gone to Volodymir Zelensky president-clown of Ukraine for aid **[https://kayhan.ir/fa/news/328922/%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%86%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B4-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D8%AF%D9%84%D9%82%DA%A9-%D8%B4%D8%AF Hossein Shariatmadare] *War's balance changed and Islamic Republic of Iran has the upper hand, there won't be a negotiatons any country who helps America will be targeted as enemy **[https://tasnimnews.ir/fa/news/1404/12/19/3537514/%D9%85%D9%88%D9%81%D9%82%DB%8C%D8%AA-90-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D8%B5%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AD%D9%85%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D9%85%D9%88%D8%B4%DA%A9%DB%8C-%D9%88-%D9%BE%D9%87%D9%BE%D8%A7%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D9%86%D9%81%D8%B9-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ICA] *A vessel has passed through Hormuz strait , an United States (US) military navy escorted her. In Playstation **ICA[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77461463/%D9%88%D8%A7%DA%A9%D9%86%D8%B4-%D8%B1%D8%A6%DB%8C%D8%B3-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%AF%D8%B9%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%BA%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B1%DA%98%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B1%D9%87-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D9%87 ] *We have only just begun our missiles have left utter ruin and destruction ,Netanyahu won't let you see **Abbas Iraqchi[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77462291/%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%82%DA%86%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%87-%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B9-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%85 ] *Our enemy is the stupidest idiot. Our defense system is an ideology not just a defense system, while when we hit Haifa their people were begging for car gas **FARAJA Cmdr Gen Achmed Radan [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77460868/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A7%D8%AD%D9%85%D9%82-%D8%AA%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%A7-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF ] *Your children shall read Quran while sitting by the missile launchers tonight. **Gen Mousavi [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77461610/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D9%85%D9%88%D8%B3%D9%88%DB%8C-%D9%81%D8%B1%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B4%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%B4%D8%A8-%D9%BE%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%86%DA%86%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A7-%D9%82%D8%B1%D8%A2%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%B3%D8%B1-%D9%85%DB%8C-%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AF ] [[File:HIMARS Support Operation Epic Fury (9564974).jpg|thumb|Operation Epic Fury]] ===Mar 2026=== *All vessels shall not pass Hormuz Strait **IRGCN Gen Ali Tangsiri[https://www.mehrnews.com/news/6771339/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C-%D9%87%DB%8C%DA%86-%D8%B4%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AA%D8%A8%D8%B7-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%AA%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B2%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AD%D9%82-%D8%B9%D8%A8%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D9%87-%D9%87%D8%B1%D9%85%D8%B2 ] *How much of a cuckold is American president, Australian police has taken our girls out of the hotel and forced and made them to apply for asylum **Mehdi Taj Chairman National Football Federation[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77458637/%D9%85%D9%87%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AC-%D8%AF%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%88%D8%B2%DA%AF%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A6%DB%8C%D8%B3-%D8%AC%D9%85%D9%87%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%DA%86%D9%87-%D8%AD%D8%AF-%D8%AF%D9%85-%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%AC%D9%84%D9%88%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%AC ] *We are prepared to wage war against America for next at least another 10 year **IRGC Gen Jabari[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77449662/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%B4%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%81%D8%B1%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87-%DA%A9%D9%84-%D8%B3%D9%BE%D8%A7%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%B9%D9%86%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A2%D8%AF%D9%85-%D9%85%D8%B7%D9%84%D8%B9-%D9%85%DB%8C-%DA%AF%D9%88%DB%8C%D9%85-%DA%A9%D9%87 ] *Iran is the conscious of the humanity, its real dignity and glory. It is chosen people fighting for the Victory of the Light. It it Ormuzd, Ishraq. Mahdi people. **Dugin Alexander[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77392273/%D8%AA%D9%88%DB%8C%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%DA%A9%D8%B3%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D9%88%DA%AF%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%BE%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86 ] *The recent war is between good and evil **ICA[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77432191/%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%A7%D8%AE%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%AD%D9%82-%D9%88-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B7%D9%84-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ] *Like thunder we will strike Haifa **IRGC Gen Seid mousavi[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77449498/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D9%84%D8%B4%DA%A9%D8%B1-%D8%B9%D8%A8%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%84%D9%87%DB%8C-%D9%87%D9%85%DA%86%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%B5%D8%A7%D8%B9%D9%82%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%AD%DB%8C%D9%81%D8%A7-%D9%88-%D9%BE%D8%A7%DB%8C%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%87-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87 ] * Iran’s leaders before the attack had been clear that they were willing to negotiate on the nuclear question. Talks were ongoing... There had appeared to be a good basis for agreement, given... an Iranian government that... was not in a position to enrich uranium... for the foreseeable future. ...Americans ...were deeply unhappy with the results of America’s last big wars of {{w|regime change}} ...[[War in Afghanistan (2001–2021)|in Afghanistan]] [[Iraq War|and Iraq]]. At the beginning of this joint [[w:2026 Iran war|US–Israel campaign against Iran]], only about a third of Americans supported the adventure... ** Dana Allin, "US politics and the war against Iran" (Mar 2, 2026) [https://www.iiss.org/online-analysis/online-analysis/2026/02/the-us-israel-campaign-in-iran/ "The US-Israel campaign in Iran"] @[[w:International Institute for Strategic Studies|IISS]].org *This is a war that should end it once and for all. ::[https://www.mehrnews.com/news/6764020/%D9%86%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D9%86%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%84-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%AF ICA] (Mar 2 2026) *Our Brave and Powerful Armed Forces will avenge each and every Iranian mother, , father, and child who has been targeted by hostile forces. **foreign minister Abbas Iraqchi[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77405403/%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%82%DA%86%DB%8C-%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%88%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%AD-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AA%DA%A9-%D8%AA%DA%A9-%D8%B4%D9%87%D8%AF%D8%A7-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D9%86%D8%AF-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA ] *There is no shelter you can be safe **[https://www.shahrekhabar.com/news/177298212045678 IRGC text] *We will fill Americans' coffins there is no end to war unless they fully surrender. **IRGC operations mission statement[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77389339 ] *Trump is more than 500 Americans killed dead America first or israel first. Inshallah Khamenei killing has heavy price **Larijani[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77384703/%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%AD%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%A8-%DA%A9%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D9%87%D9%85-%D8%A7%D9%88%D9%84-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%DB%8C%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%88%D9%84-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A6%DB%8C%D9%84 ] * Irregardless of cost. Not unlike United States of America. Same as Iran has not in past 300 years started wars, Iran is ready for long war. ** [[w:Ali Larijani|Ali Larijani]], Secretary of the Supreme National Security Council of Iran. [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77359057 Source (in Persian)] *Now that we have baited America do not make ceasefire and/or peace we must destroy them ::Ayatallah Panahian[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77388174/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%AD%D8%AC%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85-%D9%BE%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%B6%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D8%AA%D8%B4-%D8%A8%D8%B3-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86%D8%AF-%D9%86%D9%BE%D8%B0%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AF ] *From us Iranian people only President son Aga Yusuf Pezeshkian and his buddies have internet connection. ::[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77388864/%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%81%D9%82%D8%B7-%D8%A2%D9%82%D8%A7-%DB%8C%D9%88%D8%B3%D9%81-%D9%88-%D8%B1%D9%81%DB%8C%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%B4-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AF Payamemam] * These attacks from Israel and the United States... were unprovoked. There was no immanent threat. Many would interpret this war to be an illegal war. ** Evaleila Pesaran, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nJnVYpbKuM&t=600s "The war with Iran: An expert analysis"] (Mar 2, 2026) Youtube video from [[University of Cambridge|Cambridge University]] channel. * I see no indication that ...those institutions are weak or fraying or that you can destroy ...[them] from the air. ...[T]his administration is trying to justify the war the same way [[Jackson Pollock]] used to paint. You just throw a bucket of reasons up against the canvas and hope the result looks good. ...Iranian missiles ... [as] a threat to the United States... falls short of the truth by about 4,000 miles ...[I]f we're doing preventative wars now to prevent countries that might one day be a threat, is [[North Korea]]... [[China]]... [[Russia]] in line? I don't think so. ...I can't make head or tails out of the reason this administration has put forward for this war. ** [[w:Alan Eyre (diplomat)|Alan Eyre]], "Expert panel breaks down U.S. objectives in Iran war" (Mar 2, 2026) @''{{w|PBS News Hour}}''. * Once again, America is going to war for Israel. Once again, many will die for the Zionist state, including American service members. Once again, we will stumble blindly into a military fiasco. Once again, we will do the bidding of a foreign power whose interests are not our interests, but whose lobbyists have bought up our political class, including Donald Trump. Once again, we will violate the U.N. charter by attacking a country that does not pose an imminent threat. ** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2026/03/01/going-to-war-again-for-israel/ Going to War, Again, for Israel]. ScheerPost. (March 1, 2026) * If the [[Precedents|precedent]] that is being set is, "Any country with super * [I]t is in many ways a final battle to decide what [[World War II]] was all about. Will [[international law]] crumble as a result of the unwillingness of enough countries to protect the rules of civilized [[law]] supporting the principles of [[Westphalian sovereignty|national sovereignty]], free from foreign interference and [[coercion]] from the 1648 {{w|Peace of Westphalia}} to the [[Charter of the United Nations|UN Charter]]? And with regard to wars that inevitably are to be waged, will they spare {{w|civilian}}s and non-belligerents... ** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.counterpunch.org/2026/03/02/the-us-israeli-attack-was-to-prevent-peace-not-advance-it/ "The US/Israeli Attack Was to Prevent Peace Not Advance It"] (Mar 2, 2026) @''{{w|Counterpunch}}'' * Iran negotiators had agreed... not to have an [[Nuclear weapons|atom bomb]]... to reduce their refined uranium, to shift the refined uranium outside of the country, and to submit to an unprecedented degree of oversight... But none of this was about an atom bomb... The... reason that America has attacked Iran... was to control Near Eastern oil... and [[David Petraeus|General Petraeus]], years ago, had outlined this whole plan... "...all of your profits and rents from the oil will be lent back to the United States, ...priced in dollars and invested in U.S. Treasury securities, U.S. bonds and U.S. stocks, so that the money, the vast dollar inflows from your oil exports, will all be part of the U.S. economy."<br />I sat in on meetings in the {{w|White House}} in 1974 when this was discussed... ** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2026/3/3/michael_hudson_economist_trump_iran_attack A War for Oil:] Economist Michael Hudson on U.S. Quest to Control the World’s Oil Trade (Mar 3, 2026) @{{w|Democracy Now!}} * [I]t is in many ways a final battle to decide what [[World War II]] was all about. Will [[international law]] crumble as a result of the unwillingness of enough countries to protect the rules of civilized [[law]] supporting the principles of [[Westphalian sovereignty|national sovereignty]], free from foreign interference and [[coercion]] from the 1648 {{w|Peace of Westphalia}} to the [[Charter of the United Nations|UN Charter]]? And with regard to wars that inevitably are to be waged, will they spare {{w|civilian}}s and non-belligerents... ** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.counterpunch.org/2026/03/02/the-us-israeli-attack-was-to-prevent-peace-not-advance-it/ "The US/Israeli Attack Was to Prevent Peace Not Advance It"] (Mar 2, 2026) @''{{w|Counterpunch}}'' *The American philosophy is, number one, you bomb civilians, you break all the rules of international law which are against that. You bomb civilians to demoralize them. And if you concentrate, as Trump did, along with Israel, a few weeks ago, you {{w|2026 Minab school attack|bomb the schools}}, you bomb the hospitals. That’s American policy in foreign countries. It’s most visible in the case of Israeli policy, in Gaza, and now the West Bank as well. And it is the same policy that the United States has followed in Iran. ** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/03/29/war-iran-change-economy-michael-hudson/ "The war on Iran is transforming the global economy: Economist Michael Hudson explains how"] (Mar 29, 2026) @Geopolitical Economy Report * Whenever a state chooses to go to [[war]]... you have to ask—where is the [[w:Intelligence assessment|intelligence]] on the threat? ...[T]he Trump administration ...in hurry mode ...chose to set [[diplomacy]] aside, despite the fact that the [mediating] [[w:Badr bin Hamad Al Busaidi#Diplomatic career|Omani foreign minister]] ...was convinced that remarkable progress had been made on the issue of [[Nuclear program of Iran|Iranian nuclear weapons]] ...[T]wo other arguments for the war: that the US faced an imminent threat from [[Iran]], and that Iran’s {{w|ballistic missile}} capability threatened the United States. Scratch this last claim—it’s simply not [[Truth|true]] ...Why would a much-weakened [[Islamic Republic of Iran|Islamic Republic]] pose an "imminent threat" ..? [[Marco Rubio]] has come forward with an absurd argument ...Does anyone truly believe that Israel would go it alone ...without US backing, that the operation was not jointly planned? ...This is all desperate [[storytelling]], not intelligence. ** {{w|Wesley Wark}}, "[https://thewalrus.ca/iran-foreign-policy-experts/ Eight Experts on What You’re Not Being Told about the War in Iran:] The questions that aren’t making it into the battlefield dispatches" (Mar 3, 2026) @''{{w|The Walrus}}'' * Ironically, the greatest beneficiaries of the United States’ grave [[wikt:violation#Noun|violation]]s of [[international law]] are the very actors whom, under normal circumstances, Washington would be seeking to restrain: [[Moscow]] will be emboldened to continue its barbaric [[w:Russo-Ukrainian war|assault on Ukraine]], while [[China]] will feel empowered to move on [[Taiwan]]. ** [[w:Stephanie Turco Williams|Stephanie T. Williams]], "Flying blind" (March 2, 2026) [https://www.brookings.edu/articles/after-the-strike-the-danger-of-war-in-iran/ "After the strike: The danger of war in Iran"] [[w:Brookings Institution|Brookings]]. * Iran negotiators had agreed... not to have an [[Nuclear weapons|atom bomb]]... to reduce their refined uranium, to shift the refined uranium outside of the country, and to submit to an unprecedented degree of oversight... But none of this was about an atom bomb... The... reason that America has attacked Iran... was to control Near Eastern oil... and [[David Petraeus|General Petraeus]], years ago, had outlined this whole plan... "...all of your profits and rents from the oil will be lent back to the United States, ...priced in dollars and invested in U.S. Treasury securities, U.S. bonds and U.S. stocks, so that the money, the vast dollar inflows from your oil exports, will all be part of the U.S. economy."<br />I sat in on meetings in the {{w|White House}} in 1974 when this was discussed... ** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2026/3/3/michael_hudson_economist_trump_iran_attack A War for Oil:] Economist Michael Hudson on U.S. Quest to Control the World’s Oil Trade (Mar 3, 2026) @{{w|Democracy Now!}} *It's going to be... tempting for countries to think that in a world where there are no rules.., no [[w:Law of war|rules of war]], where that [[w:Liberal international order|post-war liberal order]], imperfect as it was, is now completely being disregarded.., that makes the world more dangerous for all of us. ...[T]here was an [[order]] of some kind ...a view that a degree of [[w:Consensus decision-making|international consensus]] was necessary ...before ...[[w:Interventionism (politics)|intervening in foreign countries]]. There were rules of war... [A]ll of us need to be... very thoughtful about supporting the creation of a world where anything goes, and [[might makes right]]. ...[[United States|America]] is still the preeminent [[power]], the {{w|superpower}}, the global [[Hegemony|hegemon]]. ...I hope this is a moment for Americans to reflect on the facts that the rules-based international order, which did act as a constraint on American power, also provided America with some meaningful [[protection]]. ** [[Chrystia Freeland]], Chrystia Freeland on Iran, Ukraine, and Global Power Shifts | ''{{w|Amanpour and Company}}'' (Mar 3, 2026) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vlj_beVDuxg&t=196s 3:16.] * [I]f it's... possible that there are about to be acts of [[terrorism]] by [[Iran]] inside the United States, how can [[United States Congress|Congress]] continue to blockade funds for the [[w:United States Department of Homeland Security|Department of Homeland Security]] until it gets [[reform]]s... including an end to the [[lying]]..? You're going to see a real press by the [[Second presidency of Donald Trump|Trump administration]] to say, "Release the funds and let the Department... resume... operations.., including falsely calling people terrorists if they operate a camera near an immigration agent." You're going to see attacks on the [[freedom of the press]]. This administration... regards it as illegal, criminal, for reporters simply to ask questions of [[The Pentagon|Pentagon employees]]... Only the designated leaders... get to speak... and if they're... saying things that look like they might not be [[Truth|true]], you can't second guess or question them. We have had many instances... of false indications of [[w:Powers of the president of the United States#Emergency powers|emergency powers]]. The whole [[w:Tariffs in the second Trump administration|tariff nonsense]]... rested on [[Falsehood|false claims]] of the president... about economic emergency. ...[N]ow there's a real [[war]].., a real risk of terrorist activity... That's a much more plausible emergency.., and... what [[Courts|court]] will say, "We don't think you're telling the truth about this either"? ...So there will be new assertions of emergency power... [P]eople who have the president's ear have been urging him to use emergency powers against the [[w:2026 United States elections|elections of 2026]]. The possibility of that... are much higher today... than... a week ago. ...We're moving into extraordinary danger to democratic institutions. The [[w:2026 Iran war|war in Iran]]... is an urgent [[w:Domestic policy of the second Trump administration|domestic policy]] question... a massive grant of power to a president and administration that have proven... that they will [[Abuse of power|abuse any powers]] that they are en[[trust]]ed with. ** [[David Frum]], "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w7KOoD8sCs&t=190s No Exit from Trump's War:] with Tom Nichols" The David Frum Show. A Youtube video from ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' channel. (Mar 4 2026) *"Senate votes down resolution to stop Trump from continuing war with Iran" (Mar 4, 2026) **<small>''{{w|The Independent}}''. [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/senate-iran-war-vote-trump-powers-resolution-b2932221.html Source.]</small> *Nobody gets to hide and give the president an easy pass or an end-run around the Constitution. Everybody's got to declare whether they're for this war or against it. ** Sen. [[Tim Kaine]] *War is ugly, it always has been ugly, but we're taking out a regime that has been trying to attack us for quite some time. ** Sen. [[Markwayne Mullin]] *I learned when I was fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan, that when elites in Washington bang the war drums, pound their chest, talk about the costs of war and act tough, they're not talking about them doing it, they're not talking about their kids. They're talking about working class kids like us. ** Rep. [[Jason Crow]] * Why are we going into Iran? ...[I]t is the president's [[wikt:vainglory#Noun|vainglory]]. He thinks he's on a roll, that... this is easy to do; that you can [[w:2026 United States intervention in Venezuela|knock off dictatorships like Venezuela]], and then have a parade; that this solves a lot of his problems. It gets people not talking about the [[Epstein files]]. ...[A] huge chunk of [[Donald Trump]]'s [[Foreign policy of the United States|foreign policy]] is rooted in trying to get people to stop talking about the Epstein files. ...[H]e is that [[wikt:narrow-minded#Adjective|narrow]] and [[wikt:crass#Adjective|crass]]. ...Now he's going to say he's a [[w:Powers of the president of the United States#Emergency powers|war president]]. That means you can't criticize me... I can stomp on the press... I can declare a [[w:Powers of the president of the United States#Emergency powers|national emergency]]. ...As the [[Parliament of the United Kingdom|British Parliament]] said... in [~]1944... "This is not a propitious time for an [[Elections|election]]." ...[[wikt:mischief#Noun|[M]ischief]] comes with a war because... presidential war powers... become almost unchallengeable. ** [[w:Tom Nichols (academic)|Tom Nichols]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w7KOoD8sCs&t=797s Trump’s War With Iran and a New Danger at Home] | The [[David Frum]] Show (Mar 4, 2026) A Youtube video from ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' channel. *[[Donald Trump|The president]] was not going to be just another president on a very long list who sat back and stood by and passed the buck of this direct threat to the next administration. The president had a feeling, again, based on fact, that Iran was going to strike the United States, was going to strike our assets in the region, and he made a determination to launch Operation Epic Fury based on all of those reasons. **[[Karoline Leavitt]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-war-white-house-briefing-b2931933.html "Karoline Leavitt insists Trump had a ‘feeling based on fact’ before Iran strikes but still won’t detail imminent threat to US"]], ''The Independent'' (05 March 2026) *[T]o take on the extraordinary risks... without having made the case with the American people.., citing immanent threats that aparently don't exist... that's problematic, and the chances of unintended consequences... are... very serious... [W]e're... using.., in many cases very expensive weapons to take down $20,000 drones. That's not a good equation... over time. ...I'm worried about ...second and third order consequences ...we so deplete our arsenal, and it takes a long time to rebuild ...puts us in a disadvantageous position when it comes to ...a [[China]] or ...[[Russia]]. ...[M]uch as ...everyone should want to see a change... it may simply ...reinforce the [[Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps|IRGC]] ...[I]t's very hard to produce regime change from outside. You can't bomb your way to it. ...The [[wikt:red flag#Noun|red flag]] ...is that this could be [[Syrian civil war|Syria]] [[wikt:redux#Noun|redux]] or ...[[Libyan Crisis (2011–present)|Libya]] redux ...the country fracturing, imploding or even exploding with [[refugee]]s and [[w:International migration|migration]].., [[Extremism|extremist]] groups taking hold... It's incredibly ...[[dangerous]]. ...[I]t's never too late for [[diplomacy]]. ...<br />[W]hen [[Russia]] is ...reaching a weak point because of its dependence on oil to fuel its war economy ...they get a lifeline, ...the price of oil is going up. The [[Europe|Europeans]], in having moved away from Russian gas, are now more dependent on the [[Middle East]]. ...If the {{w|Strait of Hormuz}} gets tied up ...that's ...a lot of pressure ...So mapping out, gaming out, planning out and ...making sure you have something in place to deal with ...second and third order effects is ...important, and it's not ...clear ...that was done ...There's been a shifting rationale ...[or] explanation for why this, why now? ...That's why it's so important to have ...laid this out before the American people, and our partners and allies. We might have had less friction with them if there was a compelling case ...and had them on the take-off, not mid-flight or on the landing. ** [[Antony Blinken]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHgG-lkOi6w&t=74s "Former Secretary of State on the Two Keys to Ending Iran War"] (Mar 4, 2026) A Youtube video from the [[w:Bloomberg News|Bloomberg]] Podcasts channel. *Majority of Experts Assembly has come to pick next leader who is Seid. **Dirbaz[https://www.etemadonline.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-9/764537-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C ] (Mar 8 2026) * Unprovoked attacks by the [[United States|US]] and [[Israel]]... violate the fundamental prohibition on the use of [[force]], [[Sovereignty|sovereign]] [[equality]], {{w|territorial integrity}}, and the [[duty]] to [[Peace|peacefully]] settle disputes... They also violate the {{w|right to life}}... We cannot pick and choose when [[international law]] applies. Unlawful [[military]] [[w:Interventionism (politics)|intervention]] is not a solution... These attacks do not strike military abstractions – they strike people... {{w|Civilian}}s are bearing the brunt of this war... In a country that has already lost thousands to [[Violence|violent]] [[Political repression|repression]]... these attacks deepen... profound human [[tragedy]]... The targeting of civilians, educational facilities, and medical institutions constitutes a grave violation of [[international humanitarian law]] and [[w:International human rights law|human rights law]]... Any path forward must be grounded in the [[rule of law]], the will of the [[Iranians|Iranian people]], and full accountability for the [[wikt:violation#Noun|violation]] of international law, by all parties... ** {{w|Mai Sato}}, [[w:Cecilia Bailliet|Cecilia M. Bailliet]], {{w|Astrid Puentes Riaño}}, {{w|Alexandra Xanthaki}}, {{w|Farida Shaheed}}, Surya Deva, {{w|Margaret Satterthwaite}}, {{w|Gina Romero}}, Nicolas Levrat, [[w:Richard Bennett (UN)|Richard Bennett]], Tomoya Obokata, [[w:Mary Lawlor (human rights advocate)|Mary Lawlor]], {{w|Ben Saul}}, {{w|Alice Jill Edwards}}, [[Francesca Albanese]], Morris Tidball-Binz, {{w|Siobhán Mullally}}, Gabriella Citroni, Grażyna Baranowska, Aua Baldé, Ana Lorena Delgadillo Pérez, {{w|Bina D'Costa}}, {{w|Claudia Flores}}, Ivana Krstić, {{w|Dorothy Estrada-Tanck}}, Haina Lu, [[Reem Alsalem]], {{w|Paula Gaviria Betancur}}, Elizabeth Salmón, Mariana Katzarova (Special Procedures of the Human Rights Council, volunteer Special Rapporteurs/Independent Experts/Working Groups) [https://www.ohchr.org/en/press-releases/2026/03/iran-un-experts-call-de-escalation-and-accountability "Iran: UN experts call for de-escalation and accountability"] (Mar 4, 2026) [[w:Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights|OHCHR]]. * [[Mohammed bin Salman|The Crown Prince]] and other [[w:Arab states of the Persian Gulf|Gulf]] leaders have been urging America not to undertake military action against Iran, because all of us believe... action will not remain confined to Iran; that Iran will retaliate against American in the area, which is present in all of the Gulf states, and as far away as [[Turkey]]... They've been warning the Americans not to undertake military action and suffer the consequences. ...I don't think the system in Iran will collapse any time soon. ...Iranian leadership has been preparing for an eventuality like this, because of what they have continued to hear from [[Benjamin Netanyahu|Mr. Netanyahu]] in the past 40 years. He has been calling for the destruction of Iran, and so the Iranians... have been preparing themselves for such an eventuality. ...The only way the system will go... is through the Iranian people. ** {{w|Turki bin Faisal Al Saud}}, "Fmr. Saudi Intelligence Chief Discusses Gulf States' Reaction to Iran Attacks | ''{{w|Amanpour and Company}}''" [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfGcX4XuZ5A&t=62s 1:02,] 5:08. * Iran just stated that they are going to hit very hard today, harder than they have ever been hit before.., THEY BETTER NOT DO THAT, HOWEVER, BECAUSE IF THEY DO, WE WILL HIT THEM WITH A FORCE THAT HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE! ** [[Donald J. Trump]], post on Truth Social, "Trump warns Iran of unprecedented force if it retaliates" (Feb 28, 2026) {{w|Reuters}}. *I think the war is very complete, pretty much. [Iran has] no navy, no communications, they've got no air force. Their missiles are down to a scatter. Their drones are being blown up all over the place, including their manufacturing of drones. **[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-iran-cbs-news-the-war-is-very-complete-strait-hormuz/ "Trump says 'the war is very complete,' and he's considering taking over Strait of Hormuz"], ''CBS News'' (Mar 9 2026) *US officials are posting fake news to manipulate narkets. It won't protect them from inflationary tsunami they've imposed on Americans Markets are facing biggest shortfall in HISTORY bigger than Arab Oil Embargo, Kuwait **[https://www.etemadonline.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%85%D9%84%D9%84-17/764878-%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%82%DA%86%DB%8C-%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AC%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7 Mr Iraqchi] (Mar 10 2026) *If Iran does anything that stops the flow of Oil within the Strait of Hormuz, they will be hit by the United States of America TWENTY TIMES HARDER than they have been hit thus far. Additionally, we will take out easily destroyable targets that will make it virtually impossible for Iran to ever be built back, as a Nation, again - Death, Fire, and Fury will reign upon them - But I hope, and pray, that it does not happen! This is a gift from the United States of America to China, and all of those Nations that heavily use the Hormuz Strait. Hopefully, it is a gesture that will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DONALD J. TRUMP **[https://x.com/WhiteHouse/status/2031167037620236703 Trump on TruthSocial] (10 March 2026) *Most definitely we are not seeking ceasefire we will break zionist life cycle of war-negotiations-ceasefire and then war again forever **Moahamedbagher Ghabilaf[https://www.etemadonline.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-9/764797-%D8%A2%D8%AA%D8%B4-%D8%A8%D8%B3-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86- %D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A6%DB%8C%D9%84 ] (Mar 10 2026) *Take Bahrain back! Annex it **MP Aytallah Resaei Hamid[https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3200147-%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D9%86%D9%85%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%A8%D8%AD%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D9%BE%D8%B3-%D8%A8%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%85 ], 12 March 2026 *I have seen his body after martyred, I heard he clenched his fist.You people have led the country. The will of the masses is to continue the effective and regrettable defense. Certainly, the leverage of blocking the Strait of Hormuz should still be used. Neighboring countries must make their position clear to the aggressors against our country... In any case, we will demand compensation from the enemy; if they refuse, we will seize as much of their property as we determine; if that is not possible, we will destroy as much of their property as we can. **Mojtaba Khamenei (12 March 2026)[https://www.irna.ir/news/86100475/%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%B8%D9%85-%D8%A7%D9%86%D9%82%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%AA%D8%A7%DA%A9%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D9%86%D9%82%D8%B4-%D9%88-%D8%AD%D8%B6%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%AD%D8%B6%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%B5%D8%AD%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF ][https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3200277-%D8%B4%D9%85%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%DA%A9%D8%B4%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%B4%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B4%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%B5%D8%B1%D9%81-%D9%86%D8%B8%D8%B1-%D9%86%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%85-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D9%87%D9%85%DA%86%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D9%87-%D9%87%D8%B1%D9%85%D8%B2-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D9%88%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D9%87%D9%85%D8%B3%D8%A7%DB%8C%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C%D9%85 ] *Aggression against soil of Iranian islands will shatter all restraint. We will abandon all restraint and make the Persian Gulf run with the blood of invaders. **[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77477478/%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%84%DB%8C%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%81-%D9%87%D8%B1%DA%AF%D9%88%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%AA%D8%B9%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D8%A7%DA%A9-%D8%AC%D8%B2%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%DB%8C%D8%B4%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D9%85%DB%8C], ''Qalibaf'' (12 March 2026) *The [[United States]] is the largest Oil Producer in the World, by far, so when oil prices go up, we make a lot of money. BUT, of far greater interest and importance to me, as President, is stoping an evil Empire, Iran, from having Nuclear Weapons, and destroying the [[Middle East]] and, indeed, the World. I won’t ever let that happen! **[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/iran-us-war-live-updates-supreme-leader-trump-oil-b2937272.html "Iran-US war latest: Supreme leader statement threatens fresh attacks after UK base in Iraq hit by drone swarm"], ''The Independent'' (12 March 2026) *As long as America and Zionist exist humankind will not see quiet. To establish peace they must be destroyed **Aytallah Khatami Imam Tehran [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77485962/%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%AA%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B5%D9%84%D8%AD-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B1%DA%98%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%B5%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%88%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%AF ][https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77487036/%D8%AA%D8%A7-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D9%88-%D8%B1%DA%98%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%B5%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%88%D9%86%DB%8C-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B4%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%B1%D9%88%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%B4-%D9%86%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D8%AF-%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF] (13 March 2026) *Just run! **IRGC hebrew text [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77499999/%D8%AE%D8%B7%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%B3%D8%A7%DA%A9%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%B2%D9%85%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%BA%D8%A7%D9%84%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%84%D8%A7-%D9%81%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%B1-%DA%A9%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF ] (14 March 2026) *If Americans do heliborne operation on taking over Khark Island we will attack their bases and take prisoners **FM Manouchehr Motaki Iran negotiators [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77500152/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%AA%DA%A9%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7%DB%8C%DB%8C-%D9%87%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%AC%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%87-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%B1%DA%A9-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%BA%D8%A7%D9%84-%DA%A9%D9%86%D9%86%D8%AF ] (14 March 2026) *If the [[2026 FIFA World Cup|World Cup]] games are in [[Mexico]] maybe we will go **Minister of youth & sport [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77499588/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%B2%D8%B4-%D9%81%DB%8C%D9%81%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%DB%8C%D8%B2%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%87%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7], (14 March 2026) *Countries in region are supposed to pay reparations for killing Khamenei. **VP Mohammed Mokhber [https://www.mehrnews.com/news/6774791/%D9%85%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1-%DA%A9%D8%B4%D9%88%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87-%D9%85%DA%A9%D9%84%D9%81-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AC%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AE%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AA-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF] (14 March 2026) *When I feel it. When I feel it in my bones. **[[President Trump]] quoted when asked when the war will end: [https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/trump-says-iran-war-will-end-when-i-feel-it-in-my-bones_uk_69b57775e4b09d87d0277fa2 "Trump Says Iran War Will End 'When I Feel It In My Bones'"], ''Huffington Post'' (14 March 2026) *It's a little unfair. You win a war, but they have no right to be doing what they're doing. **[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c70k29914q4o "Surge in US petrol prices deepens political peril for Trump over Iran"], ''BBC News'' (17 March 2026) *Because of the fact that we have had such Military Success, we no longer “need,” or desire, the NATO Countries’ assistance — WE NEVER DID! Likewise, Japan, Australia, or South Korea. In fact, speaking as President of the United States of America, by far the Most Powerful Country Anywhere in the World, WE DO NOT NEED THE HELP OF ANYONE! **[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116245182325726375 Donald Trump on Truth Social] (17 Mar 2026) *[[Israel]], out of anger for what has taken place in the Middle East, has violently lashed out at a major facility known as South Pars Gas Field in Iran. A relatively small section of the whole has been hit. The United States knew nothing about this particular attack, and the country of [[Qatar]] was in no way, shape, or form, involved with it, nor did it have any idea that it was going to happen. Unfortunately, Iran did not know this, or any of the pertinent facts pertaining to the South Pars attack, and unjustifiably and unfairly attacked a portion of Qatar’s LNG Gas facility. NO MORE ATTACKS WILL BE MADE BY ISRAEL pertaining to this extremely important and valuable South Pars Field unless Iran unwisely decides to attack a very innocent, in this case, Qatar - In which instance the United States of America, with or without the help or consent of Israel, will massively blow up the entirety of the South Pars Gas Field at an amount of strength and power that Iran has never seen or witnessed before. I do not want to authorize this level of violence and destruction because of the long term implications that it will have on the future of Iran, but if Qatar’s LNG is again attacked, I will not hesitate to do so. **[[Donald Trump]] on [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116253388303392718 Truth Social] (Mar 19, 2026) * Iranian missiles do not differentiate between Muslim and Christian and Jew and whichever religion, they're out there to kill anybody because they feel everybody who doesn't accept their belief is an infidel. **Israeli President [[Isaac Herzog]] following the 2026 Beit Awwa salon strike in the West Bank. (Mar 19, 2026)[https://www.jpost.com/middle-east/iran-news/article-890479] *We are getting very close to meeting our objectives as we consider winding down our great Military efforts in the Middle East with respect to the Terrorist Regime of [[Iran]]: (1) Completely degrading Iranian Missile Capability, Launchers, and everything else pertaining to them. (2) Destroying Iran’s Defense Industrial Base. (3) Eliminating their Navy and Air Force, including Anti Aircraft Weaponry. (4) Never allowing Iran to get even close to Nuclear Capability, and always being in a position where the U.S.A. can quickly and powerfully react to such a situation, should it take place. (5) Protecting, at the highest level, our Middle Eastern Allies, including [[Israel]], [[Saudi Arabia]], [[Qatar]], the [[United Arab Emirates]], [[w:Bahrain|Bahrain]], [[Kuwait]], and others. The [[w:Hormuz Strait|Hormuz Strait]] will have to be guarded and policed, as necessary, by other Nations who use it — The United States does not! **[[Donald Trump]] on [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116263563453969628 Truth Social] (Mar 20, 2026) [[File:Strait of Hormuz.jpg|thumb|Strait of Hormuz]] *If Iran doesn’t FULLY OPEN, WITHOUT THREAT, the [[w:Strait of Hormuz|Strait of Hormuz]], within 48 HOURS from this exact point in time, the United States of America will hit and obliterate their various POWER PLANTS, STARTING WITH THE BIGGEST ONE FIRST! **[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clyxv87zwwpo "Trump at a crossroads as US weighs tough options in Iran"], ''BBC News'' (21 March 2026) *In difficult times like these, when events seem both confused and confusing, [[Mark Twain]]’s “broken fragments of antique legends” can remind us of historical analogies like the collapse of the power and influence of [[Great Britain]] or of the [[Soviet Union]] that can help us understand how the past often whispers to the present — as it indeed seems to be doing these days in the [[Strait of Hormuz]]. ** [[Alfred W. McCoy]], [https://inkstickmedia.com/how-the-iran-war-gave-trump-his-very-own-suez-crisis/ "How the Iran War Gave Trump His Very Own Suez Crisis"] (21 March 2026) *No countries that are [[North Atlantic Treaty Organization|NATO]] allies that have been bullied by Trump are going to be willing… to go on this suicide mission for someone who is an asshole to them. **Adam Mockler from [[w:MeidasTouch|MeidasTouch]] quoted telling [[CNN]] in [https://inews.co.uk/news/world/trump-iran-gamble-failed-americas-allies-pay-it-4309972 "Trump’s Iran gamble has failed – and America’s allies will pay for it"], ''iNews'' (March 22, 2026) *Maybe me. Me and the ayatollah, whoever the ayatollah is, whoever the next ayatollah is. There’s automatically a regime change, but we’re dealing with some people that I find to be very reasonable, very solid. The people within know who they are. They’re very respected, and maybe one of them will be exactly what we’re looking for. **[[Donald Trump]] quoted on who would control the [[w:Strait of Hormuz|Strait of Hormuz]] in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/trump-ayatollah-joint-leadership-hormuz-b2944024.html "Trump proposes extraordinary ‘joint leadership’ of Iran alongside ayatollah"], ''Independent'' (23 March 2026) *No negotiations have been held with the US, and fake news is used to manipulate the financial and oil markets and escape the quagmire in which the US and Israel are trapped. **[[w:Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf|Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/trump-ayatollah-joint-leadership-hormuz-b2944024.html "Trump proposes extraordinary ‘joint leadership’ of Iran alongside ayatollah"], ''Independent'' (23 March 2026) *Because they’re going to make a deal. They did something yesterday that was amazing, actually. They gave us a present. And the present arrived today. And it was a very big present worth a tremendous amount of money. And I’m not going to tell you what that present is, but it was a very significant prize.… That meant one thing to me—we’re dealing with the right people. **[[Donald Trump]] quoted on negotiations with [[Iran]] in [https://www.newsbreak.com/the-new-republic-1991457/4556482986909-trump-says-he-changed-his-mind-after-iran-gave-very-big-present "Trump Says He Changed His Mind After Iran Gave 'Very Big Present'"], ''Newsbreak'' (24 March 2026) *Has the level of your inner ⁠struggle reached the stage ⁠of you negotiating with yourself? **Iranian Ebrahim Zolfaqari's rhetorical question to Donald Trump quoted in [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/3/25/us-talking-to-itself-says-iran-as-trump-claims-wheels-of-diplomacy-turning "US talking to itself, says Iran as Trump claims wheels of diplomacy turning"], ''Al Jazeera'' (25 March 2026) * The enemy signals negotiation in public, while in secret it plots a ground attack. Our firing continues. Our missiles are in place. Our determination and faith have increased. [Iranian forces] are waiting for the arrival of American troops on the ground to set them on fire and punish their regional partners for ever. ** Iranian parliament speaker, [[w:Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf|Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf]], quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/mar/29/iran-accuses-us-plotting-ground-assault-publicly-seeking-talks "Iran accuses US of plotting ground assault while publicly seeking talks"], ''Guardian'' (29 March 2026) *This is our God: Jesus, king of peace, who rejects war, whom no one can use to justify war. He does not listen to the prayers of those who wage war, but rejects them. * ([[Isaiah]] 1:15) ‘Even though you make many prayers, I will not listen: your hands are full of blood.’ **[[Pope Leo XIV]] quoting ''Book of Isaiah'', reported in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cje4x38q8xqt?post=asset%3A58d1f907-b13b-443a-b413-d7741b63b566 "'Hands full of blood': Pope Leo seemingly criticises those involved in war"], ''BBC News'' (29 March 2026) ===Apr 2026=== [[File:Gas prices Sonoma, California April 7 2026.jpg|thumb|Trump: We will consider when Hormuz Strait is open, free, and clear. Until then, we are blasting Iran into oblivion or, as they say, back to the Stone Ages.]] *We're finishing the job, and I think within maybe two weeks, maybe a couple of days longer, to do the job. But we want to knock out every single thing they have. Now, it's possible that we'll make a deal before that. **[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://newsroom.ap.org/editorial-photos-videos/detail?itemid=ad13f6002bde4e30befd5495f58499d9 "Trump: US could leave Iran in 2 to 3 weeks, securing Strait of Hormuz is 'not for us'"], ''AP News'' (Apr 1, 2026) *We will consider [a ceasefire] when [[w:Hormuz Strait|Hormuz Strait]] is open, free, and clear. Until then, we are blasting [[Iran]] into oblivion or, as they say, back to the Stone Ages. **[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-speech-stone-age-b2950116.html "Trump threatens both Iran and NATO allies ahead of primetime address on war: ‘Back to the Stone Ages’"], ''Independent'' (Apr 1, 2026) *If hostility escalates, the entire region will turn into hell for you; the illusion of defeating the Islamic Republic of Iran will become a quagmire into which you will sink. **[[w:Ebrahim Zolfaghari|Ebrahim Zolfaghari]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5y90jl8veyo US and "Iran trade threats to unleash 'hell' as search for missing US airman continues"], ''BBC News'' (4 April 2026) *In the attempt to try to prevent Iran from developing a weapon of mass destruction, the US handed Iran a weapon of mass disruption. **Ali Vaez, quoted in [https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/us-intelligence-warns-iran-unlikely-ease-hormuz-strait-chokehold-soon-sources-2026-04-03/ Reuters] *Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin' Strait, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP **[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvg0q6wdzp1o Trump issues expletive-laden threat to Iran over Hormuz Strait blockage], ''BBC News'' (5 April 2026) * Subject to the Islamic Republic of Iran agreeing to the COMPLETE, IMMEDIATE, and SAFE OPENING of the Strait of Hormuz, I agree to suspend the bombing and attack of Iran for a period of two weeks ** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/07/trump-iran-war-ceasefire US and Iran agree to provisional ceasefire as Tehran says it will reopen strait of Hormuz], ''The Guardian'' (8 April 2026 ) * If attacks against Iran are halted, our Powerful Armed Forces will cease their defensive operations. For a period of two weeks, safe passage through the Strait of Hormuz will be possible via coordination with Iran's Armed Forces and with due consideration of technical limitations. ** Iran’s foreign minister, [[w:Abbas Araghchi|Abbas Araghchi]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/07/trump-iran-war-ceasefire "US and Iran agree to provisional ceasefire as Tehran says it will reopen strait of Hormuz"], ''The Guardian'' (8 April 2026 ) * The Iranians don’t seem to realize they have no cards, other than a short term extortion of the World by using International Waterways. The only reason they are alive today is to negotiate! ** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/apr/10/jd-vance-warns-iran-against-trying-to-play-the-us-in-peace-talks "JD Vance warns Iran against trying to ‘play’ the US in peace talks"], ''The Guardian'' (10 April 2026 ) *The simple question is, do we see a fundamental commitment of will for the Iranians not to develop a nuclear weapon, not just now, not just two years from now, but for the long term. We haven’t seen that yet. **[[JD Vance]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/iran-us-peace-talks-vance-trump-b2956013.html "Why the US-Iran peace talks failed after just one day – and what happens next"], ''The Independent'' (12 April 2026) * We’re going to clean out the strait. **[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5827840-trump-navy-strait-hormuz-blockade/ "US military will ‘clean out’ Strait of Hormuz: Trump"], ''The Hill'' (12 April 2026) * We’re very disappointed with [[NATO]], we’re very, very disappointed that they didn’t come. Now, they want to come and they want to help with the strait. **Trump quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5827840-trump-navy-strait-hormuz-blockade/ "US military will ‘clean out’ Strait of Hormuz: Trump"], ''The Hill'' (12 April 2026) [[File:Straße von Hormuz.jpg|thumb|Trump - Iran has agreed to never close the Strait of Hormuz again]] * In line with the ceasefire in Lebanon, the passage for all commercial vessels through [the] [[w:Strait of Hormuz|Strait of Hormuz]] is declared completely open for the remaining period of ceasefire, on the coordinated route as already announced by Ports and Maritime Organisation of the Islamic Rep. of Iran. ** Iran Foreign Minister [[w:Abbas Araghchi|Abbas Araghchi]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cqxdg17yr2wt Iran says Strait of Hormuz is 'open' as Trump says US blockade will continue until deal reached], ''BBC News'' (Apr 17, 2026) * [[Iran]] has agreed to never close the Strait of Hormuz again. It will no longer be used as a weapon against the World! ** [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116420562510387829 Donald Trump on Truth Social] (Apr 17, 2026) * Based on the fact that the Government of [[Iran]] is seriously fractured, not unexpectedly so and, upon the request of Field Marshal Asim Munir, and Prime Minister [[w:Shehbaz Sharif|Shehbaz Sharif]], of [[Pakistan]], we have been asked to hold our Attack on the Country of Iran until such time as their leaders and representatives can come up with a unified proposal. I have therefore directed our Military to continue the Blockade and, in all other respects, remain ready and able, and will therefore extend the Ceasefire until such time as their proposal is submitted, and discussions are concluded, one way or the other. ** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cx297218m9vt "Iran says reopening Strait of Hormuz 'impossible' if US blockade continues"], ''BBC News'' (Apr 22, 2026) * We are all 'Iranian' and 'revolutionary,' and with the iron unity of the nation and government, with complete obedience to the Supreme Leader. We will make the aggressor criminal regret his actions. ** Iran's President {{w|Masoud Pezeshkian}} quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c0mjev4kn9jt?page=2 "Trump says Israel-Lebanon ceasefire extended by three weeks, but he won't 'rush' Iran deal"], ''BBC News'' (Apr 24, 2026) ===May 2026=== *Iran has taken some shots at unrelated Nations with respect to the Ship Movement, PROJECT FREEDOM, including a South Korean Cargo Ship. Perhaps it’s time for South Korea to come and join the mission!{{Pbri}}We’ve shot down seven small Boats or, as they like to call them, “fast” Boats. It’s all they have left. Other than the South Korean Ship, there has been, at this moment, no damage going through the Strait. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Dan Caine, will have a News Conference tomorrow morning. ** [https://truthsocial.com/@realdonaldtrump Trump Truth Social Truth], 4 May 2026 *Countries from all over the World. almost all of which are not involved in the Middle Eastern dispute going on so visibly, and violently, for all to see, have asked the United States if we could help free up their Ships. which are locked up in the Strait of Hormuz, on something which they have absolutely nothing to do with - They are merely neutral and innocent bystanders! For the good of Iran, the Middle East, and the United States, we have told these Countries that we will guide their Ships safely out of these restricted Waterways, so that they can freely and ably get on with their business. Again, these are Ships from areas of the World that are not in any way involved with that which is currently taking place in the Middle East. I have told my Representatives to inform them that we will use best efforts to get their Ships and Crews safely out of the Strait. In all cases, they said they will not be returning until the area becomes safe for navigation, and everything else. This process, '''Project Freedom''', will begin Monday morning, Middle East time. I am fully aware that my Representatives are having very positive discussions with the Country of Iran, and that these discussions could lead to something very positive for all. The Ship movement is merely meant to free up people, companies, and Countries that have done absolutely nothing wrong - They are victims of circumstance. This is a Humanitarian gesture on behalf of the United States, Middle Eastern Countries but, in particular, the Country of Iran. Many of these Ships are running low on food, and everything else necessary for large scale crews to stay on board in a healthy and sanitary manner. I think it would go a long way in showing Goodwill on behalf of all of those who have been fighting so strenuously over the last number of months. If, in any way, this Humanitarian process is interfered with, that interference will, unfortunately, have to be dealt with forcefully. Thank you for your attention to this matter! **[https://truthsocial.com/@realdonaldtrump Trump Truth Social Truth] *Quranic verdict of Zarif and Rouhani is execution definitely indeed **Qasemian[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2213690/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%85%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AD%DA%A9%D9%85-%D9%82%D8%B1%D8%A2%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D8%B8%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%81-%D9%88-%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%AD%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D9%82%D8%B7%D8%B9%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B9%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%85 ]19:05, (3 May 2026) * Do you take out your wife, sister and wife so that unmarried men can look? There is a law, the parliament has approved it. I advise these women who come out without hijab: gather yourself. If these people decide, they will destroy your life. Netanyahu kills people, you beat people's opinion. They come again and appear in the square and street. Will you bring your sister and this woman so that the eyes of non-mahram men will fall on her situation? **[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2213662/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%D8%B1%D8%B4%D8%AA-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%AA%D8%B5%D9%85%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A8%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%AF%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B2%DA%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%A8%DB%8C-%D8%AD%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D9%87%D8%A7 Imam Juma Rasht] (3 May 2026) * Operation Epic Fury is concluded. We achieved the objectives of that operation. ** [[Marco Rubio]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c1wz2ld4535t US "Secretary of State Marco Rubio says offensive stage of Iran war is 'over'"], ''BBC News'' (4 May 2026) * Based on the request of [[Pakistan]] and other Countries, the tremendous Military Success that we have had during the Campaign against the Country of Iran and, additionally, the fact that Great Progress has been made toward a Complete and Final Agreement with Representatives of Iran, we have mutually agreed that, while the Blockade will remain in full force and effect, Project Freedom (The Movement of Ships through the Strait of Hormuz) will be paused for a short period of time to see whether or not the Agreement can be finalized and signed. ** Trump quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c152zyj0599t "Trump says US will pause operation to guide ships through Strait of Hormuz"], ''BBC News'' (6 May 2026) * We have such a great military and great navy. And they were going straight through, and they said, “Turn your ship around!”. And there was no response. “Turn your ship around! Evacuate your engine room immediately!” And you see all these guys running out of there. Now, they’re five miles away — in one shot, into the engine room, blew up the engine room; the ship stopped, and they used tugboats. And then we landed on top of it — on top of everything else — we then land on top of it. And '''we took over the ship; we took over the cargo, took over the oil. It’s a very profitable business'''. Who would have thought we were doing that? '''We’re like pirates. We’re sort of like pirates'''. But we’re not playing games. ** Trump quoted in [https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/05/09/trump-pirates-iran-ships-china-us-sanctions/ Trump boasts ‘we’re like pirates’, seizing Iran’s ships, as China challenges US sanctions]. Geopolitical Economy Report. (9 May 2026) * We will never bow our heads before the enemy, and if talk of dialogue or negotiation arises, it does not mean surrender or retreat. ** Iranian President [[w:Masoud Pezeshkian|Masoud Pezeshkian]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clypgz9e5pmo "Trump calls Iran response to US proposal to end war 'totally unacceptable"], ''BBC News'' (10 May 2026) * 1. They martyred the great and devoted leader of the Islamic Revolution; 2. No Muslim country came to Iran aid. What sort of Islam is this .. what kind of Muslimhoodness is this; 3.Iran continues to resist the big and small Satan (America and Israel); 4. On one side of today's battle are America and Israel, and on the other side are Muslim Iran and the resistance forces. Which side are you; 5. Think about the future of the Islamic world. You know that America is not loyal to you and Israel is your enemy. Think for a minute about yourself and the future of the region; 6. Unity of the Islamic Ummah with all its power can provide and guarantee the security, excellence and independence of countries for everyone **letter to 6 countries Larijani[https://fa.alalam.ir/news/7428293/%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%87-%DB%B6-%D8%A8%D9%86%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%B7%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AC%D9%87%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%88-%D8%AF%D9%88%D9%84%D8%AA-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85%DB%8C ] *If you want Internet, pack and get up, leave your things, go to Afghanistan, live where there is Internet. **IRIB anchor man [https://fararu.com/fa/news/970808/%D8%B4%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AA-5g-%D8%A7%D9%81%D8%BA%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%88%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%87%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AC%D8%A7-%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF ]p *Like a rogue gang, the Iranian regime is pillaging resources that rightfully belong to the Iraqi people. Treasury will not stand idly by as Iran's military exploits Iraqi oil to fund terrorism against the United States and our partners. **[https://twitter.com/SecScottBessent/status/2052447601304178863?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw Bessent] *God's order to fight Fitne. Israel is to be wiped out. Division causes failure against enemies **Imam Karaj[https://www.imna.ir/news/971477/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AC-%D8%A7%D8%AE%D8%AA%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%81-%D8%A7%D9%81%DA%A9%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%B2%D9%85%DB%8C%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%B4%DA%A9%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ][https://www.didbaniran.ir/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-3/284228-%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AC-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%AE%D8%AF%D8%A7-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%DA%A9%D9%87-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA%D9%86-%D9%81%D8%AA%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%B2%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%AF%D8%B4-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%85 ] *Report of high Damage of internet blackout from government is greatly exaggerated. **[https://www.zoomit.ir/iran-news/459800-denies-exaggerated-internet-outage-claims/] MP of Tehran 18:28, 15 May 2026 (UTC)~ *Trump is hopeless and desperate he went to begging China for no result. He will not be satisfied until Iran is destroyed. **[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2219513/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%84-%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%B3-%D8%A8%D9%87-%DA%86%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%86%D8%AA%DB%8C%D8%AC%D9%87-%D9%86%DA%AF%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA Ayatollah Imam Ardebil] (15 May 2026) *China encourages the US and Iran to continue resolving their differences and disputes, including the nuclear issue, through negotiations, and advocates the swift reopening of the Strait of Hormuz on the basis of maintaining a ceasefire **Chinese FM Wang in [https://aa.com.tr/en/asia-pacific/chinese-top-diplomat-urges-diplomacy-on-iran-after-trump-xi-summit/3938851] (15 May 2026) *The most important issue today is trust. We cannot trust the Americans in any way **[https://en.mehrnews.com/news/244536/Araghchi-holds-presser-in-New-Delhi], Iraqchi (15 May 2026) *We’ve taken out much of what we’d have to do, probably another two weeks, two weeks, maybe three weeks I’m very torn on it, because they lost 42,000 people in the first two weeks. I don’t really want to see that You can’t have an unarmed population against people with AK-47s The Iranian people have to have guns and I think they’re getting some guns. * As soon as they have guns, they’ll fight like as good as anybody there is. **President Trump 07:48, 22 May 2026 (UTC)~~[https://www.iranintl.com/en/202605057012 ] *They can either agree to a piece of paper that is satisfactory to the United States, or they can face a punishment from our military, the likes of which has not been seen in modern history. That’s the choice that they face **Miller [https://unb.com.bd/category/World/trump-official-warns-iran-of-unprecedented-military-action-over-deal-holdout/186431 ] 07:48, 22 May 2026 (UTC)~ *Our American issue solves when they surely get the powerfulness we have , and they can't do anything against us **Mohamed Mkokhber[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2222394/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%AA%D8%AD%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%84-%D9%85%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B1%D9%87-%D8%B2%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AD%D9%84-%D8%B4%D8%AF%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%A6%D9%84-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7 ] (22 May 2026) * Matchmaking booths had been set up at rallies in Tehran, allowing young men and women to register for introductions under what organizers call “easy marriage. **Fars[https://www.iranintl.com/en/202605215847 ] *It's a possibility Iran we can go around ceasefire **[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2222363/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B9%D8%B6%D9%88-%DA%A9%D9%85%DB%8C%D8%B3%DB%8C%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D9%85%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%A7%D8%AD%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%84-%D8%B9%D8%A8%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A2%D8%AA%D8%B4-%D8%A8%D8%B3-%D8%A7%D8%B2 ] National security Islamic Cunsultative Assembly MP (22 May 2026) *Trying to prohibit Iranians in LA from bringing the Lion and Sun flag into the stadium is like trying to prevent Americans from bringing the U.S. flag into an American stadium. It would cause mass unrest. * [[2026 FIFA World Cup|World Cup]] matches best illustrate the passion Iranian-Americans feel for their homeland and the contempt they feel toward the Iranian government. Waving the Lion and Sun flag is simultaneously a show of support for the national team and a protest against the regime. **[https://www.nytimes.com/athletic/7288376/2026/05/19/world-cup-fifa-iran-flag/] ''NYTimes'' (22 May 2026) * This is not good timing for me, I have a thing called Iran and other things ** Trump quoted in [https://www.iranintl.com/en/202605214172#:~:text=US%20President%20Donald%20Trump%20said,called%20Iran%20and%20other%20things.%E2%80%9D ] (22 May 2026) * I laugh at all of the Dumocrats, RINOS, and Fools who know nothing about the potential deal I am making with Iran, things that haven’t even been negotiated yet. ** Trump quoted in [https://nypost.com/2026/05/25/us-news/president-trump-heralds-memorial-day-by-trashing-dumocrats-rinos-and-fools/ "Trump trashes ‘Dumocrats, RINOS and Fools’ who question his Iran plans in Memorial Day message"] ''NYPost'' (22 May 2026) *The ayatollah has been replaced by a ‘thugocracy’. **Kirk Lippold [https://www.japantimes.co.jp/commentary/2026/06/03/world/instability-powerful-political-instrument/ ][https://www.taipeitimes.com/News/editorials/archives/2026/05/21/2003857691 ][https://www.foxnews.com/video/6394301883112 ] *You lost hundreds of thousands of soldiers in these various wars. In two wars; Venezuela—where we lost nobody—and here We took over Venezuela. We essentially took over Iran. We have lost so far 13 people. Somebody else would have lost 100,000 people **[https://www.indy100.com/politics/trump/trump-iran-war-soldiers-killed Trump] ===June 2026=== * What the fuck are you doing? You're fucking crazy. You'd be in prison if it weren't for me. I'm saving your ass. Everybody hates you now. Everybody hates Israel because of this. * I had a very productive call with Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu of Israel, and there will be no Troops going to Beirut, and any Troops that are on their way have already been turned back. ** [https://www.axios.com/2026/06/01/trump-netanyahu-israel-lebanon-call Trump to Bibi Netanyahu][https://www.axios.com/2026/06/01/trump-netanyahu-lebanon-israel-bomb-beirut "'You're fucking crazy': Trump fumes at Netanyahu in call on Lebanon"] ''Axios'' (June 1, 2026) *Yesterday, in a meaningless vote, the House voted, 4 bad Republicans and all of the Dumocrats, to limit my War Powers, right in the middle of my final negotiations to end the War with the Islamic Republic of Iran. Who would do such an unpatriotic thing. They know where the negotiations stand. The Democrats are fueled by Trump Derangement Syndrome. They would rather have our Country fail than give me another, of many, victories. The four Republicans, that’s a whole other story - They’re GRANDSTANDERS! They should be ashamed of themselves. MAGA!!! President DJT **[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/iran-us-war-live-trump-ceasefire-kuwait-israel-lebanon-b2989234.html ] 15:04, 4 June 2026 (UTC)~ *There is a reason for everything. We hit them pretty hard the night before and actually last night. And when it was explained to me, I said, ‘all right, so we'll do that.’ But we've been hitting them pretty hard. **[https://www.cbsnews.com/live-updates/trump-iran-war-attacks-kuwait-airport-israel-hezbollah-ceasefire/ Trump] 15:31, 4 June 2026 (UTC)~ * I don’t care if they’re over, honestly. I really don’t care. I couldn’t care less. If they’re over, they’re over. If they’re not, you know, I think they took too much time. Frankly, I think they started to get a little boring. ** [[Donald Trump]] quoted on peace talks in [https://www.jezebel.com/iran-war-donald-trump-boring-bored-quote-ceasefire-negotiations-suspended-israel-lebanon "Uh Oh, Trump Is Bored with Iran Peace Talks. You Know What That Means."], ''Jezebel'' (June 2, 2026) *Communists always do well with the Voters or, as they would say, THE PEOPLE, in the Early Years! But, in the end, the Country, State, or City, GOES TO HELL! Great Violence proceeds at levels never seen before, and the entity dissolves into Poverty, Squalor, and Crime. Remember, breathtaking “Popularity” first, and then, guaranteed DEATH AND DESTRUCTION! President DONALD J. TRUMP ** [https://www.ntd.com/trump-decries-communism-says-its-breathtaking-popularity-turns-to-death-destruction-squalor_1150163.html] ''NTD'' (4 June 2026) *We have the highest stock market in history with a military conflict going on, or a war — some people call it war, some people call it a military — it’s not a big thing for us. **Trump [https://www.nytimes.com/2026/06/03/world/middleeast/trump-iran-war-remarks.html] ''New York Times'' (4 June 2026) * It’s a different part of the world. You know, I’d say in that part of the world, a ceasefire is when you’re shooting in a more moderate manner. ** Trump quoted in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-iran-war-nuclear-deal-f6c5007b28e596e562c88b93ee785d91 "With Trump in a holding pattern on Iran war, allies and critics worry he risks getting boxed in"], ''AP News'' (4 June 2026) == See also == * [[Iran]] * [[Israel]] * [[Middle East]] * [[Second presidency of Donald Trump]] * [[Might makes right]] == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{Commons category}} * [https://www.bbc.com BBC coverage of 2026 Iran conflict] * [https://www.aljazeera.com/news Al Jazeera: Iran crisis coverage] [[Category:2026]] [[Category:2020s in Iran]] [[Category:Wars and battles]] [[Category:Arab-Israeli conflict]] ol4mqdubxopa3jhlgposmf4q5p88nh9 2 304879 3949224 3948802 2026-06-05T14:24:17Z Saroj 2925457 + 3949224 wikitext text/x-wiki I am taking on a personal challenge to create at least one article every day for 100 days. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:48, 7 March 2026 (UTC) # [[Margaret Qualley]], American actress. 7 March 2026 # [[Sabrina Carpenter]], American singer, songwriter, and actress. 8 March 2026 # [[Materialists (film)|''Materialists'' (film)]], 2025 film by [[Celine Song]]. 9 March 2026 # ''[[We Live in Time]]'', 2024 film by John Crowley. 10 March 2026 # ''[[Cha Cha Real Smooth]]'', 2022 film by Cooper Raiff. 11 March 2026 # [[Balen Shah]], Nepalese rapper and politician. 12 March 2026 # [[Sydney Sweeney]], American actress. 13 March 2026 # [[Eternity (2025 film)|''Eternity'' (2025 film)]], 2025 film by David Freyne. 14 March 2026 # [[Alia Bhatt]], British actress. 15 March 2026 # ''[[Uncut Gems]]'', 2019 film by the Safdie brothers. 16 March 2026 # [[Ejae]], South Korean and American singer and songwriter. 17 March 2026 # [[Gracie Abrams]], American singer and songwriter. 18 March 2026 # [[Sara Arjun]], Indian actress. 19 March 2026 # [[Maya Hawke]], American actress and singer-songwriter. 20 March 2026 # [[Tate McRae]], Canadian singer, songwriter, and dancer. 21 March 2026 # 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[[Cailee Spaeny]], American actress. 9 April 2026 # [[Milly Alcock]], Australian actress. 10 April 2026 # [[Alexa Demie]], American actress. 11 April 2026 # [[Austin Butler]], American actor. 12 April 2026 # [[Rosé (singer)|Rosé]], New Zealand and South Korean singer. 13 April 2026 # [[Barry Keoghan]], Irish actor. 14 April 2026 # [[Jessie Buckley]], Irish actress and singer. 15 April 2026 # [[Úrsula Corberó]], Spanish actress. 16 April 2026 # [[Nischal Basnet]], Nepalese film director and actor. 17 April 2026 # [[Ram Charan]], Indian actor. 18 April 2026 # [[Farhan Akhtar]], Indian actor, filmmaker and singer. 19 April 2026 # [[Sajal Aly]], Pakistani actress. 20 April 2026 # [[Kajal Aggarwal]], Indian actress. 21 April 2026 # [[Zac Efron]], American actor. 22 April 2026 # [[Sara Ali Khan]], Indian actress. 23 April 2026 # [[Katrina Kaif]], British actress. 24 April 2026 # [[Vikram (actor)|Vikram]], Indian actor. 25 April 2026 # [[Nicole Wallace]], Spanish actress. 26 April 2026 # [[Aneet Padda]], Indian actress. 27 April 2026 # [[Michael (2026 film)|''Michael'' (2026 film)]], 2026 American film directed by Antoine Fuqua. 28 April 2026 # [[Ryan Gosling]], Canadian actor. 29 April 2026 # [[Diljit Dosanjh]], Indian singer and actor. 30 April 2026 # [[John Abraham]], Indian actor and film producer. 1 May 2026 # [[Suriya]], Indian actor and film producer. 2 May 2026 # [[Rashmika Mandanna]], Indian actress. 3 May 2026 # [[Trisha Krishnan]], Indian actress. 4 May 2026 # [[Henry Cavill]], British actor. 5 May 2026 # [[Bhavitha Mandava]], Indian model. 6 May 2026 # [[Vicky Kaushal]], Indian actor. 7 May 2026 # [[Allu Arjun]], Indian actor. 8 May 2026 # [[Iqra Aziz]], Pakistani actress. 9 May 2026 # [[Keerthy Suresh]], Indian actress. 10 May 2026 # [[Chloë Grace Moretz]], American actress. 11 May 2026 # [[Parineeti Chopra]], Indian actress. 12 May 2026 # [[Saoirse Ronan]], American-born Irish actress. 13 May 2026 # [[Olivia Cooke]], British actress. 14 May 2026 # [[Mrunal Thakur]], Indian actress. 15 May 2026 # [[Hunter Schafer]], American actress and model. 16 May 2026 # [[Nayanthara]], Indian actress and film producer. 17 May 2026 # [[Madison Beer]], American singer. 18 May 2026 # [[Doja Cat]], American rapper. 19 May 2026 # [[Camila Cabello]], American singer-songwriter. 20 May 2026 # [[SZA]], American singer-songwriter. 21 May 2026 # [[Bruno Mars]], American singer-songwriter. 22 May 2026 # [[Tove Lo]], Swedish singer-songwriter. 23 May 2026 # [[Ava Max]], American singer and songwriter. 24 May 2026 # [[Conan Gray]], American singer-songwriter. 25 May 2026 # [[Ananya Panday]], Indian actress. 26 May 2026 # [[Bebe Rexha]], American singer-songwriter. 27 May 2026 # [[Olivia Dean]], English singer and songwriter. 28 May 2026 # [[Jisoo]], South Korean singer and actress. 29 May 2026 # [[Lisa (rapper)|Lisa]], Thai rapper and singer. 30 May 2026 # [[Jennie (singer)|Jennie]], South Korean singer. 31 May 2026 # [[Vanessa Kirby]], English actress. 1 June 2026 # [[Monica Barbaro]], American actress. 2 June 2026 # [[Sanya Malhotra]], Indian actress. 3 June 2026 # [[Inde Navarrette]], American actress. 4 June 2026 # [[Janhvi Kapoor]], Indian actress. 5 June 2026 bu1yeb7g844z0y9d1ddndw5lryczbsh 3949498 3949224 2026-06-06T08:34:37Z Saroj 2925457 + 3949498 wikitext text/x-wiki I am taking on a personal challenge to create at least one article every day for 100 days. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:48, 7 March 2026 (UTC) # [[Margaret Qualley]], American actress. 7 March 2026 # [[Sabrina Carpenter]], American singer, songwriter, and actress. 8 March 2026 # [[Materialists (film)|''Materialists'' (film)]], 2025 film by [[Celine Song]]. 9 March 2026 # ''[[We Live in Time]]'', 2024 film by John Crowley. 10 March 2026 # ''[[Cha Cha Real Smooth]]'', 2022 film by Cooper Raiff. 11 March 2026 # [[Balen Shah]], Nepalese rapper and politician. 12 March 2026 # [[Sydney Sweeney]], American actress. 13 March 2026 # [[Eternity (2025 film)|''Eternity'' (2025 film)]], 2025 film by David Freyne. 14 March 2026 # [[Alia Bhatt]], British actress. 15 March 2026 # ''[[Uncut Gems]]'', 2019 film by the Safdie brothers. 16 March 2026 # [[Ejae]], South Korean and American singer and songwriter. 17 March 2026 # [[Gracie Abrams]], American singer and songwriter. 18 March 2026 # [[Sara Arjun]], Indian actress. 19 March 2026 # [[Maya Hawke]], American actress and singer-songwriter. 20 March 2026 # [[Tate McRae]], Canadian singer, songwriter, and dancer. 21 March 2026 # [[Dakota Johnson]], American actress. 22 March 2026 # [[August Ames]], Canadian pornographic actress. 23 March 2026 # [[Amy Adams]], American actress. 24 March 2026 # [[Alexandra Botez]], American-Canadian chess player. 25 March 2026 # [[Andrea Botez]], American-Canadian chess player. 26 March 2026 # [[Rachel Zegler]], American actress and singer. 27 March 2026 # [[Amybeth McNulty]], Irish and Canadian actress. 28 March 2026 # [[Robert Pattinson]], English actor. 29 March 2026 # [[Emily Willis]], American pornographic actress. 30 March 2026 # [[Sofia Carson]], American actress and singer. 31 March 2026 # [[Lola Tung]], American actress. 1 April 2026 # [[Charli XCX]], British singer. 2 April 2026 # [[Yami Gautam]], Indian actress. 3 April 2026 # [[Lily James]], English actress. 4 April 2026 # [[Maude Apatow]], American actress. 5 April 2026 # [[Pokimane]], Moroccan and Canadian streamer and YouTuber. 6 April 2026 # [[MrBeast]], American YouTuber. 7 April 2026 # [[Sophia Lillis]], American actress. 8 April 2026 # [[Cailee Spaeny]], American actress. 9 April 2026 # [[Milly Alcock]], Australian actress. 10 April 2026 # [[Alexa Demie]], American actress. 11 April 2026 # [[Austin Butler]], American actor. 12 April 2026 # [[Rosé (singer)|Rosé]], New Zealand and South Korean singer. 13 April 2026 # [[Barry Keoghan]], Irish actor. 14 April 2026 # [[Jessie Buckley]], Irish actress and singer. 15 April 2026 # [[Úrsula Corberó]], Spanish actress. 16 April 2026 # [[Nischal Basnet]], Nepalese film director and actor. 17 April 2026 # [[Ram Charan]], Indian actor. 18 April 2026 # [[Farhan Akhtar]], Indian actor, filmmaker and singer. 19 April 2026 # [[Sajal Aly]], Pakistani actress. 20 April 2026 # [[Kajal Aggarwal]], Indian actress. 21 April 2026 # [[Zac Efron]], American actor. 22 April 2026 # [[Sara Ali Khan]], Indian actress. 23 April 2026 # [[Katrina Kaif]], British actress. 24 April 2026 # [[Vikram (actor)|Vikram]], Indian actor. 25 April 2026 # [[Nicole Wallace]], Spanish actress. 26 April 2026 # [[Aneet Padda]], Indian actress. 27 April 2026 # [[Michael (2026 film)|''Michael'' (2026 film)]], 2026 American film directed by Antoine Fuqua. 28 April 2026 # [[Ryan Gosling]], Canadian actor. 29 April 2026 # [[Diljit Dosanjh]], Indian singer and actor. 30 April 2026 # [[John Abraham]], Indian actor and film producer. 1 May 2026 # [[Suriya]], Indian actor and film producer. 2 May 2026 # [[Rashmika Mandanna]], Indian actress. 3 May 2026 # [[Trisha Krishnan]], Indian actress. 4 May 2026 # [[Henry Cavill]], British actor. 5 May 2026 # [[Bhavitha Mandava]], Indian model. 6 May 2026 # [[Vicky Kaushal]], Indian actor. 7 May 2026 # [[Allu Arjun]], Indian actor. 8 May 2026 # [[Iqra Aziz]], Pakistani actress. 9 May 2026 # [[Keerthy Suresh]], Indian actress. 10 May 2026 # [[Chloë Grace Moretz]], American actress. 11 May 2026 # [[Parineeti Chopra]], Indian actress. 12 May 2026 # [[Saoirse Ronan]], American-born Irish actress. 13 May 2026 # [[Olivia Cooke]], British actress. 14 May 2026 # [[Mrunal Thakur]], Indian actress. 15 May 2026 # [[Hunter Schafer]], American actress and model. 16 May 2026 # [[Nayanthara]], Indian actress and film producer. 17 May 2026 # [[Madison Beer]], American singer. 18 May 2026 # [[Doja Cat]], American rapper. 19 May 2026 # [[Camila Cabello]], American singer-songwriter. 20 May 2026 # [[SZA]], American singer-songwriter. 21 May 2026 # [[Bruno Mars]], American singer-songwriter. 22 May 2026 # [[Tove Lo]], Swedish singer-songwriter. 23 May 2026 # [[Ava Max]], American singer and songwriter. 24 May 2026 # [[Conan Gray]], American singer-songwriter. 25 May 2026 # [[Ananya Panday]], Indian actress. 26 May 2026 # [[Bebe Rexha]], American singer-songwriter. 27 May 2026 # [[Olivia Dean]], English singer and songwriter. 28 May 2026 # [[Jisoo]], South Korean singer and actress. 29 May 2026 # [[Lisa (rapper)|Lisa]], Thai rapper and singer. 30 May 2026 # [[Jennie (singer)|Jennie]], South Korean singer. 31 May 2026 # [[Vanessa Kirby]], English actress. 1 June 2026 # [[Monica Barbaro]], American actress. 2 June 2026 # [[Sanya Malhotra]], Indian actress. 3 June 2026 # [[Inde Navarrette]], American actress. 4 June 2026 # [[Janhvi Kapoor]], Indian actress. 5 June 2026 # [[Ella Bright]], British and American actress. 6 June 2026 8l41vh5cxx4n71na2w10sz5fwup4va2 14 305271 3949355 3947579 2026-06-06T00:14:42Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949355 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:American crime films|Gangster]] [[Category:Gangster films]] 0zhs2303rkp4oqv7wtgk9oed13qvtkl 3949358 3949355 2026-06-06T00:18:18Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949358 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:American crime films|Gangster]] 0regarjfg0pywsq7w2pgkbjyoklc72h 0 306035 3949294 3924145 2026-06-05T18:36:15Z ~2026-29461-25 3322637 /* Dialogue */ 3949294 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|Ice Age: The Great Egg-Scapade|Ice Age: The Great Egg-Scapade}}''''' is a 2016 American 3D computer-animated family adventure comedy Easter special. ==Dialogue== :'''Manny:''' Look, we'll find your eggs and we'll get them back by tomorrow morning! :'''Diego:''' Or you can draw and corner him tomorrow, I'm not saying they should... ==Sid== * Neither ice, nor more ice, nor dark of night, will keep us from returning every last egg! ==External links== * {{IMDb title|5480340}} *{{Commonscat-inline}} {{Wikipedia}} {{Ice Age}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2016 computer-animated films]] [[Category:2016 American animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American 3D animated films]] [[Category:Ice Age]] [[Category:Easter TV specials]] 2bwfu97k1iverzx4te9w8grwovpw2dp 3949295 3949294 2026-06-05T18:37:18Z ~2026-29461-25 3322637 /* Dialogue */ 3949295 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|Ice Age: The Great Egg-Scapade|Ice Age: The Great Egg-Scapade}}''''' is a 2016 American 3D computer-animated family adventure comedy Easter special. ==Dialogue== :'''Manny:''' Look, we'll find your eggs and we'll get them back by tomorrow morning! :'''Diego:''' Or you can draw and corner him tomorrow, I'm not Saying they should... ==Sid== * Neither ice, nor more ice, nor dark of night, will keep us from returning every last egg! ==External links== * {{IMDb title|5480340}} *{{Commonscat-inline}} {{Wikipedia}} {{Ice Age}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2016 computer-animated films]] [[Category:2016 American animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American 3D animated films]] [[Category:Ice Age]] [[Category:Easter TV specials]] cwypdh1ndop04rglhwfv757o74rp0qp 4 306369 3949356 3932228 2026-06-06T00:15:59Z Codename Noreste 3154048 /* 2018 */ (using [[wikt:MediaWiki:Gadget-AjaxEdit.js|AjaxEdit]]) 3949356 wikitext text/x-wiki __NOTOC__ {{archive box non-auto|1= <span style="text-align: center">{{flatlist|1= * [[/2003|2003]] * [[/2004|2004]] * [[/2005|2005]] * [[/2006|2006]] * [[/2007|2007]] * [[/2008|2008]] * [[/2009|2009]] * [[/2010|2010]] * [[/2011|2011]] * [[/2012|2012]] * [[/2013|2013]] * [[/2014|2014]] * [[/2015|2015]] * [[/2016|2016]] }}</span> }} {{shortcut|WQ:RFAA|WQ:RFA/A}} This is an index of archives of past requests for adminship (in chronological order); for current discussion(s), please see [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship]]. Prior requests are included in the archive box on the right. {{clear}} == Archives == === 2018 === {{collapse top|Requests for permissions in 2018}} * [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship/Koavf|Koavf]] (adminship), closed as successful by BD2412 on 1 June. * [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship/Just A Regular New Yorker|Just A Regular New Yorker]] (adminship), closed as unsuccessful by BD2412 on 9 June. {{collapse bottom}} === 2019 === {{collapse top|Requests for permissions in 2019}} * [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship/GreenMeansGo|GreenMeansGo]] (adminship), closed as successful by BD2412 on 5 February. * [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship/Abramsky (vote of confidence)|Abramsky]] (vote of confidence), closed as successful (right removed) on 6 April. * [[Wikiquote:Requests for bureaucratship/GreenMeansGo|GreenMeansGo]] (bureaucratship), closed as successful by BD2412 on 7 April 2020. {{collapse bottom}} === 2020 === {{collapse top|Requests for permissions in 2020}} * [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship/~riley|~riley]] (adminship), closed as successful by BD2412 on 16 April. * [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship/DannyS712|DannyS712]] (adminship), closed as successful by BD2412 on 11 July. {{collapse bottom}} === 2021 === {{collapse top|Requests for permissions in 2021}} * [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship/Aphaia 2|Aphaia]] (adminship), closed as successful by GreenMeansGo on 5 September. {{collapse bottom}} === 2022 === {{collapse top|Requests for permissions in 2022}} * [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship/Ferien|Ferien]] (adminship), closed as successful by BD2412 on 2 March. * [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship/Saroj Uprety|Saroj Uprety]] (adminship), closed as successful by BD2412 on 21 November. {{collapse bottom}} === 2023 === {{collapse top|Requests for permissions in 2023}} * [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship/Lemonaka|Lemonaka]] (adminship), closed as successful by BD2412 on 10 March. {{collapse bottom}} === 2024 === {{collapse top|Requests for permissions in 2024}} * [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship/HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] (adminship), closed as successful by BD2412 on 7 February. {{collapse bottom}} === 2025 === {{collapse top|Requests for permissions in 2025}} * [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship/IOHANNVSVERVS|IOHANNVSVERVS]] (adminship), closed as successful by GreenMeansGo on 13 March. * [[Wikiquote:Requests for interface adminship/Saroj|Saroj]] (interface adminship), closed as successful by BD2412 on 9 October. * [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship/Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] (adminship), closed as successful by GreenMeansGo on 14 December. {{collapse bottom}} === 2026 === {{collapse top|Requests for permissions in 2026}} * [[Wikiquote:Requests for interface adminship/Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] (interface adminship), closed as successful by GreenMeansGo on 26 January. * [[Wikiquote:Requests for bureaucratship/Saroj|Saroj]] (bureaucratship), closed as successful by GreenMeansGo on 18 February. * [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship/PieWriter|PieWriter]] (adminship), closed as successful by Saroj on 22 April. {{collapse bottom}} [[Category:Requests for adminship archives]] 7jhzihcmsajrp086ho5r1l9r8rpnic2 0 306804 3949394 3943902 2026-06-06T02:43:30Z Nguyenngocthanhtoan 3227502 /* Quotes */ 3949394 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Chan dung Thich Trung Hieu 2022.jpg|thumb|Venerable Thích Trung Hiếu]] '''[[w:zh:釋中孝|Thích Trung Hiếu]]''' (born August 7, 1996, in [[w:en:Phan Rí Cửa|Phan Rí Cửa]]) is a [[w:en:Vietnamese Buddhist|Vietnamese Buddhist]] [[monk]], currently serving as the [[w:en:abbot|abbot]] of [[w:en:Chùa Phổ Lại|Phổ Lại Pagoda]] in Phong Thái Ward, [[w:en:Huế City|Huế City]]. Thích Trung Hiếu is known as its founder and has been associated with the construction and development of Phổ Lại Pagoda since 2016. In addition to his [[religious]] activities, he organizes [[community]] [[cultural]] events and [[social work]]. Thích Trung Hiếu is also an [[author]] of [[poetry]] and [[w:en:Buddhist songs|Buddhist songs]], and practices [[w:en:calligraphy|calligraphy]] and [[w:en:Buddhist sculpture|Buddhist statue carving]]. == Quotes == * ''Xây chùa là xây lòng người. Nếu lòng người chưa an, ngói gạch cũng chưa thành.'' ** '''Translation''': Building a temple is building the human heart. If the heart is not at peace, bricks and tiles cannot truly form a temple. *** '''Source''': {{cite web |url=https://tapchidongnama.vn/chua-pho-lai-hanh-trinh-nhap-the-tu-nhung-dieu-binh-di/ |title=Chùa Phổ Lại: Hành trình nhập thế từ những điều bình dị |trans-title=Pho Lai Pagoda: A Journey of Engaged Buddhism from Humble Beginnings |date=2026-04-04 |author=Thế Nguyễn |website=Tạp chí Đông Nam Á |trans-website=Southeast Asian Magazine |publisher={{lang|vi|Hội Nghiên cứu Khoa học về Đông Nam Á - Việt Nam}} (Vietnam Association for Southeast Asian Studies) |language=vi |access-date=2026-04-29 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20260405123820/https://tapchidongnama.vn/chua-pho-lai-hanh-trinh-nhap-the-tu-nhung-dieu-binh-di/ |archive-date=2026-04-05 |url-status=live}} * ''Còn trong kiếp sống vô thường,<br />Quý nhau là ở tình thương chân thành.'' ** '''Translation''': In this impermanent life, what matters is cherishing one another with sincere love. *** '''Source''': {{cite web |url=https://phatsuonline.vn/xuan-yeu-thuong-hanh-trinh-gieo-hat-lanh-tu-chua-pho-lai-27 |title=Xuân yêu thương – Hành trình gieo hạt lành từ chùa Phổ Lại |trans-title=Spring of Compassion – A Journey of Sowing Good Seeds from Pho Lai Pagoda |date=2026-03-16 |author=Ngọc Hằng |website=Phật sự Online (The official news agency of the Sangha) |publisher=Vietnam Buddhist Sangha Central Office |language=vi |access-date=2026-04-29 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20260316044108/https://phatsuonline.vn/xuan-yeu-thuong-hanh-trinh-gieo-hat-lanh-tu-chua-pho-lai-27 |archive-date=2026-03-16 |url-status=live}} * ''Xây chùa để xóm quy Tăng học đạo từ bi đến,<br />Dựng cổng cho làng hướng Phật tu nhân hỷ xả vào.'' ** '''Translation''':<br />Build a temple, so the village can gather in the Dharma,<br />Build a gate, so people can turn toward compassion. *** '''Source''': {{cite web |url=https://baoquocte.vn/chon-ve-binh-yen-giua-mien-trung-du-hue-329769.html |title=Chốn về bình yên giữa miền trung du Huế |trans-title=A peaceful retreat in Hue's midland region |last=Phương Linh |date=2025-10-05 |website=Báo Thế giới và Việt Nam |trans-website=The World & Vietnam Report |publisher=Ministry of Foreign Affairs (Vietnam) |language=vi |access-date=2026-04-29 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20251005143155/https://baoquocte.vn/chon-ve-binh-yen-giua-mien-trung-du-hue-329769.html |archive-date=2025-10-05 |url-status=live}} * ''Khi lũ còn ngập thì lòng người còn ấm. Một chút gửi yêu thương để khích lệ, động viên quý bà con vùng lũ vượt qua giai đoạn khó khăn này, là sự thể hiện sức mạnh tinh thần của đại đoàn kết, cũng như thể hiện từ bi cứu khổ của nhà Phật.'' ** '''Translation''': As long as the floods remain, so does the warmth of human hearts. Even a small act of kindness, offered with care, can encourage and support people in flood-affected areas through difficult times—reflecting the strength of solidarity and the compassionate spirit of relieving suffering in Buddhism. *** '''Source''': {{cite web |author=Bảo Yên; An Như |date=2025-11-01 |title=Bản Tin An Viên TV: Lễ Dâng Y Hoàng gia Thái Lan – Nghi thức trang nghiêm tại Việt Nam Quốc Tự |url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtPBLi9CW0Q&t=668s |trans-title=An Vien TV News: Royal Kathina Ceremony of Thailand – A Solemn Ritual at Vietnam Quoc Tu Pagoda |format=Video |work=YouTube |type=Television news report |language=vi |publisher=An Vien Television (BTV9) |time-caption=Flood relief footage at Phổ Lại Pagoda; recorded at |time=11:13–11:32 |access-date=2026-04-29}} * ''Một phần quà có thể nhỏ, nhưng nếu được trao bằng tấm lòng chân thành thì sẽ mang lại niềm vui lớn. Điều quan trọng là chúng ta cùng nuôi dưỡng tình thương trong cuộc sống.'' ** '''Translation''': A gift may be small, but when it is given with sincere love, it can bring great joy. What matters most is that we nurture compassion together in our lives. *** '''Source''': {{cite web |url=https://phatsuonline.vn/xuan-yeu-thuong-hanh-trinh-gieo-hat-lanh-tu-chua-pho-lai-27 |title=Xuân yêu thương – Hành trình gieo hạt lành từ chùa Phổ Lại |trans-title=Spring of Compassion – A Journey of Sowing Good Seeds from Pho Lai Pagoda |date=2026-03-16 |author=Ngọc Hằng |website=Phật sự Online (The official news agency of the Sangha) |publisher=Vietnam Buddhist Sangha Central Office |language=vi |access-date=2026-04-29 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20260316044108/https://phatsuonline.vn/xuan-yeu-thuong-hanh-trinh-gieo-hat-lanh-tu-chua-pho-lai-27 |archive-date=2026-03-16 |url-status=live}} * ''Vầng dương lặn núi gác ngày<br />Bướm ong bỏ lại tìm bay về nhà<br />Còn ai khổ chuyện phù hoa<br />Như làn khói nhẹ trên tòa am tranh<br />Phí lời nói chuyện bại thành<br />Nhìn mây tan hợp vô thanh vô sầu<br />Thản nhiên mây trắng trên đầu<br />Dưới chân nước biếc áo nâu in thiền.'' ** '''Translation''':<br />The sun sets behind the mountains, closing the day.<br />Butterflies and bees leave, flying back home.<br />Who still suffers over worldly gains and losses,<br />Like a wisp of smoke drifting from a humble hermitage.<br />Words about success and failure are in vain,<br />Watching clouds gather and disperse—silent, without sorrow.<br />Calmly, white clouds above one’s head,<br />Beneath the feet, blue water reflects the brown robe of meditation. *** '''Source''': {{cite web |title=Thơ Sông Hương 10-2025 |trans-title=Song Huong Poetry, October 2025 |url=http://tapchisonghuong.com.vn/tap-chi/c538/n34054/Tho-Song-Huong-10-2025.html |website=Tạp chí Sông Hương |trans-website=Song Huong Journal |author=Tạp chí Sông Hương |publisher={{lang|vi|Liên hiệp các Hội Văn học Nghệ thuật Thành phố Huế}} (Union of Literature and Arts Associations of Hue City) |location=Huế, Vietnam |date=2025-10 |language=vi |access-date=2026-02-08 |type=Literary magazine |quote=Section "Thích Trung Hiếu": poems {{lang|vi|Rừng thiền}} ("Forest of Zen") and {{lang|vi|Mây nước}} ("Clouds and Water")}} * ''Mây rừng bóng rọi suối hồ trong<br />Thổi gió phiền trôi lặng nước dòng<br />Cây dọc thẳng đường ven ngọn núi<br />Đá triền ngang nẻo cạnh nguồn sông<br />Dày sương đám cỏ bờ xanh ngát<br />Nhẹ khói làn hoa đất thắm nồng<br />Ngây ngất vị trà thiền với cảnh<br />Đầy trăng tỏa bước lạc non bồng.'' ** '''Translation''':<br />Forest clouds cast their shadows upon clear streams and lakes.<br />The wind blows, carrying away afflictions, while the water flows in stillness.<br />Trees stand aligned along the path by the mountain slopes,<br />Stones stretch across the trails beside the river’s source.<br />Thick mist covers the lush green grass along the banks,<br />Light smoke drifts through blossoms, enriching the fragrant earth.<br />Enchanted by the taste of Zen tea amidst the scenery,<br />Under the full moon, each step leads into a realm of transcendence. *** '''Source''': {{cite web |title=Thơ Sông Hương 10-2025 |trans-title=Song Huong Poetry, October 2025 |url=http://tapchisonghuong.com.vn/tap-chi/c538/n34054/Tho-Song-Huong-10-2025.html |website=Tạp chí Sông Hương |trans-website=Song Huong Journal |author=Tạp chí Sông Hương |publisher={{lang|vi|Liên hiệp các Hội Văn học Nghệ thuật Thành phố Huế}} (Union of Literature and Arts Associations of Hue City) |location=Huế, Vietnam |date=2025-10 |language=vi |access-date=2026-02-08 |type=Literary magazine |quote=Section "Thích Trung Hiếu": poems {{lang|vi|Rừng thiền}} ("Forest of Zen") and {{lang|vi|Mây nước}} ("Clouds and Water")}} * ''“Mẹ là dòng suối chảy yêu thương<br />Là đuốc trong đêm soi nẻo đường<br />Là chốn yên bình, khi mỏi mệt<br />Là nguồn hơi thở để con nương.”'' ** '''Translation''':<br />“Mother is a flowing stream of love, <br />A torch in the night lighting the way, <br />A peaceful refuge in times of weariness, <br />The very breath on which one may rely.” * ''“Chuông chùa đánh thức hội Vu Lan<br />Phụng dưỡng mẹ cha kẻo muộn màng<br />Dành chút đời người lo hiếu đạo<br />Bởi lòng nặng kiếp nghĩa cưu mang.”'' ** '''Translation''':<br />“The temple bell awakens the season of Vu Lan, <br />Care for your parents before it is too late. <br />Devote a part of your life to filial devotion, <br />For the debt of nurturing love weighs through a lifetime.” *** '''Source''': {{cite web |url=https://loibaihat.me/lyric-loi-bai-hat/thich-trung-hieu/vu-lan-nho-me-hien/kt1vw |title=Vu Lan Nhớ Mẹ Hiền |trans-title=Vu Lan, Remembering a Kind Mother |date=2021 |website=Loibaihat.me |language=vi |access-date=2026-05-08}} == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Commons category}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Thích, Trung Hiếu}} [[Category:Buddhist monks]] [[Category:1996 births]] [[Category:Poets from Vietnam]] [[Category:Buddhist teachers]] [[Category:Buddhists from Vietnam]] [[Category:Social activists]] s0mis7u8ppm03v4kvjsiya9yp1govtq 0 307118 3949331 3939350 2026-06-05T22:05:20Z GrimRob 1187925 added thumbnail 3949331 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Snorre Sturluson-Christian Krohg.jpg|thumb]] '''[[w:Snorri Sturluson|Snorri Sturluson]]''' (1179 – 23 September 1241) was an Icelandic historian, poet, knight, and politician. He was elected twice as [[w:Lawspeaker|lawspeaker]] of the Icelandic parliament, the [[w:Althing|Althing]]. He is commonly thought to have authored or compiled portions of the ''[[Prose Edda]]'', which is a major source for what is today known about [[w:Norse mythology|Norse mythology]] and [[w:Alliterative verse|alliterative verse]], and ''[[w:Heimskringla|Heimskringla]]'', a history of the [[w:Norsemen|Norse]] kings that begins with legendary material in ''[[w:Ynglinga saga|Ynglinga saga]]'' and moves through to early medieval [[w:History of Scandinavia|Scandinavian history]]. For stylistic and methodological reasons, Snorri is often taken to be the author of ''[[w:Egil's Saga|Egil's Saga]]''. He was assassinated in 1241 by men claiming to be agents of the King of Norway. ==Quotes about Snorri Sturluson== *Snorri's ''Edda'' is a unique and original work. It is the only comprehensive account of Norse mythology from the [[Middle Ages]], and the only independent analysis of Norse poetic diction and metre. Though there were precedents for a treatise on each of these topics, Snorri took at most the idea for writing about them from his predecessors (who were mostly concerned with [[Latin]] literature); his work is in no way derivative. It is also notable for its detached and scholarly treatment both of religion and poetry, and the way in which sources and illustrations are extensively quoted and carefully attributed. Though it is clear that Snorri cared deeply about his material, he treats it with impartiality and humour, often mentioning two or more explanations of something without deciding between them. Especially interesting is the fact that in his discussions of both poetry and religion, he sees them in terms of an evolutionary process, contrasting the beliefs and practices of earlier times with those of his own. He even sees the development of language in historical terms, and speaks of languages ‘branching’ from each other. Though like most writers on such topics in the Middle Ages, he believes in the authority of established writers, he also allows extensive use of ‘licence’ and innovation, provided that such use is in accordance with nature and probability. In the first part of the [[w:Prologue (Prose Edda)|prologue]] to ''[[w:Gylfaginning|Gylfaginning]]'' where, as elsewhere in the work, he shows acquaintance with medieval Latin writings and the teachings of the medieval church, he also displays a remarkable capacity for independent rational thought and an inclination towards philosophical analysis, and his account of the kenning is a masterly piece of description. There are certainly inconsistencies and illogicalities in his work, but they arise from the complexity of his material rather than from the primitiveness of the author's mind. **Anthony Faulkes, 'Introduction', in Snorri Sturluson, ''Edda'' (1987), p. xviii-xix ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Wikisource author}} {{Commonscat}} * {{Gutenberg author |id=Snorri Sturluson| name=Snorri Sturluson}} [[Category:1170s births]] [[Category:1240s deaths]] [[Category:Authors from Iceland]] [[Category:Historians from Iceland]] [[Category:Politicians from Iceland]] tmigvpycxtgxngkg59da5azr04g8gyv 3949332 3949331 2026-06-05T22:07:38Z GrimRob 1187925 links 3949332 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Snorre Sturluson-Christian Krohg.jpg|thumb]] '''[[w:Snorri Sturluson|Snorri Sturluson]]''' ([[1179]] – [[23 September]] [[1241]]) was an Icelandic historian, poet, knight, and politician. He was elected twice as [[w:Lawspeaker|lawspeaker]] of the Icelandic parliament, the [[w:Althing|Althing]]. He is commonly thought to have authored or compiled portions of the ''[[Prose Edda]]'', which is a major source for what is today known about [[w:Norse mythology|Norse mythology]] and [[w:Alliterative verse|alliterative verse]], and ''[[w:Heimskringla|Heimskringla]]'', a history of the [[w:Norsemen|Norse]] kings that begins with legendary material in ''[[w:Ynglinga saga|Ynglinga saga]]'' and moves through to early medieval [[w:History of Scandinavia|Scandinavian history]]. For stylistic and methodological reasons, Snorri is often taken to be the author of ''[[w:Egil's Saga|Egil's Saga]]''. He was assassinated in 1241 by men claiming to be agents of the King of Norway. ==Quotes about Snorri Sturluson== *Snorri's ''Edda'' is a unique and original work. It is the only comprehensive account of Norse mythology from the [[Middle Ages]], and the only independent analysis of Norse poetic diction and metre. Though there were precedents for a treatise on each of these topics, Snorri took at most the idea for writing about them from his predecessors (who were mostly concerned with [[Latin]] literature); his work is in no way derivative. It is also notable for its detached and scholarly treatment both of religion and poetry, and the way in which sources and illustrations are extensively quoted and carefully attributed. Though it is clear that Snorri cared deeply about his material, he treats it with impartiality and humour, often mentioning two or more explanations of something without deciding between them. Especially interesting is the fact that in his discussions of both poetry and religion, he sees them in terms of an evolutionary process, contrasting the beliefs and practices of earlier times with those of his own. He even sees the development of language in historical terms, and speaks of languages ‘branching’ from each other. Though like most writers on such topics in the Middle Ages, he believes in the authority of established writers, he also allows extensive use of ‘licence’ and innovation, provided that such use is in accordance with nature and probability. In the first part of the [[w:Prologue (Prose Edda)|prologue]] to ''[[w:Gylfaginning|Gylfaginning]]'' where, as elsewhere in the work, he shows acquaintance with medieval Latin writings and the teachings of the medieval church, he also displays a remarkable capacity for independent rational thought and an inclination towards philosophical analysis, and his account of the kenning is a masterly piece of description. There are certainly inconsistencies and illogicalities in his work, but they arise from the complexity of his material rather than from the primitiveness of the author's mind. **Anthony Faulkes, 'Introduction', in Snorri Sturluson, ''Edda'' (1987), p. xviii-xix ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Wikisource author}} {{Commonscat}} * {{Gutenberg author |id=Snorri Sturluson| name=Snorri Sturluson}} [[Category:1170s births]] [[Category:1240s deaths]] [[Category:Authors from Iceland]] [[Category:Historians from Iceland]] [[Category:Politicians from Iceland]] ailyns07m0d20sllzgn3cs6914o885d 0 307650 3949227 3948744 2026-06-05T14:43:37Z Toyotsu 1663510 illustration is not about Artemis 3949227 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Anthony Verity|Anthony Courtenay Froude Verity]]''' (born 25 February 1939) is an English educationalist and classical scholar. He was Master of Dulwich College from 1986 to 1995. == Quotes == === Translations === ==== ''The Odyssey'' (2018) ==== :<small>'''Oxford University Press'''</small> * Tell me, Muse, of the man of many turns, who was driven<br>far and wide after he had sacked the sacred city of Troy.<br>Many were the men whose cities he saw, and learnt their minds,<br>many the sufferings on the open sea he endured in his heart,<br>struggling for his own life and his companions' homecoming.<br>Even so he could not protect them, though he desired it,<br>since they perished by reason of their own recklessness,<br>the fools, because they ate the cattle of the Sun, Hyperion,<br>and he took away the day of their homecoming. Tell us, too,<br>goddess daughter of Zeus, starting from where you will. ** Book 1, line 1 * So let your heart and spirit be strong to listen; Odysseus<br>is not the only man at Troy to lose the day of his return<br>home, since many other men perished there as well.<br>Go back to your rooms and take charge of your own tasks,<br>the loom and the distaff, and order your women servants<br>to go about their work. Talk must be men's concern, all of<br>them, and mine especially, for the power in the house is mine. ** Book 1, line 353 (Telemachus) * Demeter of the lovely hair. ** Book 5, line 125 * Like Artemis, shooter of arrows, when she moves down<br>the mountains, striding along lofty Taygetus or Erymanthus,<br>taking delight in the chase of boars or swift deer; and<br>country-haunting nymphs, daughters of aegis-wielding Zeus,<br>sport with her as she goes—and Leto's heart is gladdened<br>because Artemis holds her head and brow higher than them<br>all, and she is easily marked out, though all are beautiful—<br>just so the unwed girl stood out among her maidservants. ** Book 6, line 102 * ... may the gods grant you all that you desire in your heart,<br>and may they bestow on you a husband, a house, and good<br>harmony of minds; there is nothing better or more powerful<br>than this, when a man and his wife keep house in sympathy<br>of mind — a great grief to their enemies, but a joy to those who<br>wish them well; and they themselves are highly esteemed. ** Book 6, line 180 (Odysseys to Nausicaa) * Then {{w|Nausicaa}} addressed her lovely-haired maidservants:<br>"Listen to me, [[wikt:λευκώλενος|white-armed]] servants, to what I shall say:<br>it is not without the will of all the gods who dwell on Olympus<br>that this man has come among the godlike Phaeacians;<br>before this he looked to me like a man of mean appearance,<br>but now he resembles the gods who live in the broad high sky." ** Book 6, line 238 * I heard from my father Nausithous the tale I shall now tell you.<br>He always said that Poseidon would hold a grudge against us,<br>because we, remaining unharmed, give safe-conduct to all men.<br>He said that one day he will smash a fine ship of the Phaeacians<br>as it returns from an escort mission on the mist-shrouded sea,<br>and will then hide our city behind a huge encircling mountain.<br>This was what the old man said; and the god will either<br>make it happen or leave it undone, as his spirit pleases him. ** Book 8, line 564 (Alcinous to Odysseus) * They came at dawn, as many as leaves or flowers that appear<br>in season; and then an evil fate from Zeus stood close to us,<br>ill-fated as we were, and caused us to suffer many torments. ** Book 9, line 51 [[File:OdysseyPolyphemos.png|thumb|a man clothed in huge strength,<br>a savage with no understanding of either justice or laws.]] * &nbsp;&nbsp; a man clothed in huge strength,<br>a savage with no understanding of either justice or laws. ** Book 9, line 213 * In a wooded valley they came upon the palace of Circe,<br>built of polished stone, set in a sheltered position; and<br>around it were prowling mountain wolves and lions, men<br>to whom Circe had fed noxious drugs and so bewitched.<br>These did not charge at my men, but actually reared up on<br>their hind legs and fawned on them, wagging their long tails.<br>As when dogs fawn on their master when he comes from<br>a feast, because he always brings scraps to please them,<br>so these wolves and strong-clawed lions fawned about my<br>men; but when they saw these grim beasts they were afraid. ** Book 10, line 210 [[File:J. W. Waterhouse - Circe Invidiosa - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|Circe, skilled in many drugs.]] * But when on my way through the sacred valleys I had nearly<br>reached the great house of Circe, skilled in many drugs,<br>Hermes of the golden rod fell in with me as I was walking<br>towards the house, in the likeness of a young man whose beard<br>is just coming, which is the most charming time of youth. ** Book 10, line 275 * She led them inside and seated them on chairs and seats—<br>though Eurylochus alone hung back, suspecting some trickery—<br>and prepared a mixture of cheese, barley, and yellow honey,<br>blended with Pramnian wine. Into this she stirred some<br>noxious drugs, to make them lose all thought of their homeland.<br>When she had given them this and they had drunk it down, she<br>tapped them with her stick and drove them into her pigsties,<br>for now they had the heads and bodies and bristles of pigs, and<br>grunted like pigs, though their minds were unchanged from before. ** Book 10, line 232 * &nbsp;&nbsp; Crumpled round the sword in death, I lifted my hands<br>and beat them on the ground; but the brazen bitch turned her back,<br>and though I was on my way to Hades' realm she could not bring<br>herself to shut my eyes with her hand or close my mouth.<br>* * *<br>For this reason you too should never be indulgent to your wife,<br>nor give her a full account of everything that is in your mind;<br>you should tell her some of it and keep the rest concealed.<br>Still, Odysseus, your wife is certainly not likely to murder you;<br>she is utterly loyal, circumspect Penelope, Icarius’ daughter,<br>and the thoughts in her heart are always right and proper. ** Book 11, line 423 (Agamemnon's ghost to Odysseus) * Odysseus of many tales, great glory of the Achaeans, draw near;<br>bring your ship into land, and listen to our twofold song!<br>No man has ever sailed past this place in his black ship without<br>hearing the honey-toned voice that issues from our lips, and<br>then, full of delight, going on his way a much wiser man.<br>You see, we know everything that both Trojans and Argives<br>endured on Troy's wide plain, by the will of the gods; and we<br>know too all that happens on the earth that nourishes many. ** Book 12, line 184 (The Sirens' Song) * Sun-god, of course you must continue to shine on the immortals,<br>and on mortal men who live on the grain-giving ploughland.<br>As for these men, I shall at once hurl a shining thunderbolt at<br>their swift ship, and smash it in pieces out on the wine-dark sea. ** Book 12, line 385 (Zeus to Helios) * Come now, let us not talk like this any longer, since we are both<br>well versed in deception: among mortals you surpass all men in<br>plotting and tale-spinning, while among all the gods I am well<br>known for cleverness and cunning. But you did not recognize<br>Pallas Athena, daughter of Zeus, I who have always stood<br>by you in all your trials and have watched over you; it was<br>I who made sure you were welcomed by all the Phaeacians. ** Book 13, line 296 (Athena to Odysseus) * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I would indeed<br>disapprove of any host who is either over-hospitable or<br>too lacking in civility; moderation in all things is best. It is,<br>I think, an equal failing to speed a guest's departure when he is<br>reluctant to leave and to detain him when eager to go. One must<br>care for the guest in one's house, but send him on when he wishes. ** Book 15, line 69 (Menelaus to Telemachus) * But now circumspect Penelope had another idea: to appear<br>before the suitors, men of violent insolence, since she had<br>learned that they were plotting death for her son in the halls.<br>Medon the herald had heard their scheming and had told her this. ** Book 16, line 409 * Athena came and stood next to Odysseus, Laertes' son,<br>and urged him to go round the suitors and collect crusts, to<br>find out which were right-minded and which lawless;<br>even so, she did not intend that any should escape ruin. ** Book 17, line 360 * never yet among mortal mankind have there been men<br>who plot such arrogant and reckless violence as these do. ** Book 17, line 587 (Penelope) * Amphinomus...went back through the house, troubled in spirit<br>and shaking his head, because in his heart he could foresee evil.<br>Even so he did not escape death; he too was bound fast by Athena,<br>to be overcome by Telemachus' hands and the force of his spear. ** Book 18, line 153 * She climbed a tall staircase in the house, taking<br>in her sturdy hand a cunningly forged key, finely<br>made of bronze; and the handle on it was of ivory. ** Book 21, line 5 * The first to rise to his feet was Leodes, son of Oenops,<br>who interpreted their sacrifices, and always sat furthest away,<br>next to the fine mixing-bowl; he was the only one who hated<br>the suitors' reckless deeds, and was indignant with them all. ** Book 21, line 144 * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Odysseus, man of many wiles,<br>lifted up the great bow, examining it from every side,<br>and then, just as a man skilled in lyre-playing and song<br>without difficulty stretches a string around a new peg,<br>tying the well-twisted gut of a sheep at both its ends,<br>so, without any effort, did Odysseus string the great bow.<br>Taking it up in his right hand he tested the string,<br>and it sang out sweetly, like the song of a swallow.<br>At this great distress fell upon the suitors, and the colour<br>left their faces. ** Book 21, line 404 * "There now; I have revealed the token to you. I do not know,<br>lady, if this bed of mine is still firmly planted or if some man<br>has now cut through the tree's base and moved it elsewhere."<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;So he spoke, and her heart and knees at once went slack,<br>as she recognized the sure token Odysseus had revealed to her. ** Book 23, line 202 == External links == * {{Wikipedia-inline}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Verity, Anthony}} [[Category:1939 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Classical scholars]] [[Category:Translators from England]] [[Category:Translators of Homer]] o41t4a0jevxxfgj65qmbc30cw8w4ss7 0 307910 3949381 3948154 2026-06-06T01:28:49Z Ollin Masa 3311333 Image 3949381 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Johann Leonhard Hug.jpg|thumb|Johann Leonhard Hug]] '''[[w:Johann Leonhard Hug|Johann Leonhard Hug]]''' (1 June 1765 – 11 March 1846) was a German [[Roman Catholic]] [[theologian]], [[Oriental studies|orientalist]] and [[w:Biblical studies|biblical scholar]]. == Quotes == * The duties of the citizen's life are not more difficult to understand, than those of men of unsophistical morals; yet we for ever abandon the hope of seeing people, who, without positive laws, by their own intuition derive civic obligations from their principles and fulfil them. If then the system of national legislation be positive, their moral system must be the same: both therefore are equally calculated to direct men and their occupations. ** [https://archive.org/details/introductiontowr01hugj/page/2 ''An Introduction to the Writings of the New Testament''] == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} {{commonscat}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Hug, Johann Leonhard}} [[Category:1765 births]] [[Category:1846 deaths]] [[Category:Theologians from Germany]] [[Category:Orientalists]] [[Category:Non-fiction authors from Germany]] [[Category:Biblical scholars]] [[Category:Catholics from Germany]] 8ajxej86ppt6p1g9cjq5jdsr5fysber 0 307978 3949386 3948894 2026-06-06T01:59:18Z Thewordguy1984 504288 /* */ 3949386 wikitext text/x-wiki [[w:Monster By Mistake TV Series|Monster By Mistake]] is the Canadian Computer 3D animated TV series for kids created by Mark Mayerson. An 8 year old boy Warren Patterson turned into a big blue monster when he sneezes all the time, but his allergy has been enchanted. He is being helped and supported by his trusting older sister Tracey and his ghosty friend Johnny B. Dead. ==Special Quotes== ===Warren Patterson=== * Uh... Uh... AAAAAAACHOOO! * Because, um, because I was a monster! ===Tracey Patterson=== * Extameemoi exablesa flack! * Extameemoi exablesa flack! Brickablaston! *Let's go home. ===Johnny B. Dead=== *You got it, kid. ===Billy Castleman=== *Oh, Warren! ===Gargool & His Moronic Servant=== *It is I, Gargool the mighty ruler of Fenrath! *Master, we're back! This is Pickford, Gargool. We're in Pickford! I know where we are, you fool! How did this happen? Those children have been playing with the jewel of Fenrath! Maybe now, we can get it back. Oh, of course, we'll get it back! ===Dolores Patterson=== *Halt! In the name of the law! ===Roz Patterson=== *I've been reading Doctor Spinkleburger. *Now you may feel at times that you are a monster, but Doctor Spinkleburger assures us that you're not. You're just a normal little boy who has good and bad days. And we love you no matter what kind of day you're having. ==Season 1== ===''Pilot'' [1.1]=== ===''Fossel Remains'' [1.2]=== ===''Haunted House'' [1.3]=== ===''Pizza Day'' [1.4]=== ===''Just Desserts'' [1.5]=== ===''Monster Mayhem'' [1.6]=== ===''Special Talent'' [1.7]=== ===''Campsite Creeper'' [1.8]=== ===''Home Alone'' [1.9]=== ===''Entertainment Orville'' [1.10]=== ===''Kidnapped'' [1.11]=== ===''Monster a Go Go'' [1.12]=== ===''Back in Time'' [1.13]=== ==Season 2== ==Season 3== 2fm7ypxy1dlqane99yd5kwbdcxamize 1 308058 3949344 3949068 2026-06-05T23:38:24Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Censored dialogue? */ Reply 3949344 wikitext text/x-wiki == Censored dialogue? == Why is profanity used in the movie censored with asterisks on this page? It looks unprofessional, isn't accurate, and makes the page look like it was edited by a teenager afraid to get their TikTok delisted. I tried to edit it so that the actual words were used, but for some baffling reason I got a notice that I couldn't make the edit because it was adding profanity. What on earth is going on here? [[User:LEatUSF|LEatUSF]] ([[User talk:LEatUSF|talk]]) 00:00, 5 June 2026 (UTC) :Some childish temp user. Reverted. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 03:33, 5 June 2026 (UTC) ::Thanks for the clarification. Might be worth going through the other articles they may have messed with. [[User:LEatUSF|LEatUSF]] ([[User talk:LEatUSF|talk]]) 03:36, 5 June 2026 (UTC) :::Already done [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 23:38, 5 June 2026 (UTC) cxrx7rpixqongwsv10sd0e2zo485i0b 0 308059 3949163 3949038 2026-06-05T12:27:08Z UDScott 4304 formatting 3949163 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Gabrielle Hamilton (chef)|Gabrielle Hamilton]]''' (born 1966) is an American chef and author, owner of the now-closed [[w:Prune (restaurant)|Prune]] restaurant in New York City and author of the memoir ''Blood, Bones, and Butter''. == Quotes == * I wanted to follow Joe in there. I wanted to be with the meat and the knives, and to wear the long bloody coat. ** "[https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2011/01/17/the-lamb-roast The Lamb Roast]", ''[[w:The New Yorker|The New Yorker]]'', January 17, 2011. * It was the first time in 20 years I'd heard a chef say 'I don't know, let me look it up.' ** "[https://www.foodandwine.com/news/a-mentor-named-misty A Mentor Named Misty]", ''[[w:Food & Wine|Food & Wine]]'', April 25, 2016. * I opened a restaurant, Prune, and started cooking all of—and only—the foods I wanted to eat at home: trickless, gadgetless and pretenseless. ** "[https://www.foodandwine.com/news/a-mentor-named-misty A Mentor Named Misty]", ''[[w:Food & Wine|Food & Wine]]'', April 25, 2016. === "My Restaurant Was My Life for 20 Years. Does the World Need It Anymore?" (2020) === :<small>"[https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/23/magazine/closing-prune-restaurant-covid.html My Restaurant Was My Life for 20 Years. Does the World Need It Anymore?]", ''[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]]'', April 23, 2020.</small> * It has always been hard, but when did it get this hard? * The 'waiter' became the 'server,' the 'restaurant business' became the 'hospitality industry,' what used to be the 'customer' became the 'guest,' what was once your 'personality' became your 'brand,' the small acts of kindness and the way you always used to have of sharing your talents and looking out for others became things to 'monetize.' * And God, the brunch, the brunch. * I started my restaurant as a place for people to talk to one another, with a very decent but affordable glass of wine and an expertly prepared plate of simply braised lamb shoulder on the table to keep the conversation flowing, and ran it as such as long as I could. If this kind of place is not relevant to society, then it—we—should become extinct. == External links == {{wikipedia|Gabrielle Hamilton (chef)}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Hamilton, Gabrielle}} [[Category:1966 births]] [[Category:Authors from the United States]] [[Category:Chefs from the United States]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Memoirists from the United States]] 80ekyevl5p3w4y72xlugx2hfr314j1z 3949164 3949163 2026-06-05T12:29:09Z UDScott 4304 + 4 categories; ±[[Category:Authors from the United States]]→[[Category:Women authors from the United States]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3949164 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Gabrielle Hamilton (51565303487) (cropped).jpg|thumb|Gabrielle Hamilton]] '''[[w:Gabrielle Hamilton (chef)|Gabrielle Hamilton]]''' (born 1966) is an American chef and author, owner of the now-closed [[w:Prune (restaurant)|Prune]] restaurant in New York City and author of the memoir ''Blood, Bones, and Butter''. == Quotes == * I wanted to follow Joe in there. I wanted to be with the meat and the knives, and to wear the long bloody coat. ** "[https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2011/01/17/the-lamb-roast The Lamb Roast]", ''[[w:The New Yorker|The New Yorker]]'', January 17, 2011. * It was the first time in 20 years I'd heard a chef say 'I don't know, let me look it up.' ** "[https://www.foodandwine.com/news/a-mentor-named-misty A Mentor Named Misty]", ''[[w:Food & Wine|Food & Wine]]'', April 25, 2016. * I opened a restaurant, Prune, and started cooking all of—and only—the foods I wanted to eat at home: trickless, gadgetless and pretenseless. ** "[https://www.foodandwine.com/news/a-mentor-named-misty A Mentor Named Misty]", ''[[w:Food & Wine|Food & Wine]]'', April 25, 2016. === "My Restaurant Was My Life for 20 Years. Does the World Need It Anymore?" (2020) === :<small>"[https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/23/magazine/closing-prune-restaurant-covid.html My Restaurant Was My Life for 20 Years. Does the World Need It Anymore?]", ''[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]]'', April 23, 2020.</small> * It has always been hard, but when did it get this hard? * The 'waiter' became the 'server,' the 'restaurant business' became the 'hospitality industry,' what used to be the 'customer' became the 'guest,' what was once your 'personality' became your 'brand,' the small acts of kindness and the way you always used to have of sharing your talents and looking out for others became things to 'monetize.' * And God, the brunch, the brunch. * I started my restaurant as a place for people to talk to one another, with a very decent but affordable glass of wine and an expertly prepared plate of simply braised lamb shoulder on the table to keep the conversation flowing, and ran it as such as long as I could. If this kind of place is not relevant to society, then it—we—should become extinct. == External links == {{wikipedia|Gabrielle Hamilton (chef)}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Hamilton, Gabrielle}} [[Category:1966 births]] [[Category:Women authors from the United States]] [[Category:Chefs from the United States]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Memoirists from the United States]] [[Category:University of Michigan alumni]] [[Category:LGBT people]] [[Category:People from Pennsylvania]] [[Category:Women born in the 1960s]] q2x3lfrwld4n57ijps179p2rmz57by3 0 308068 3949165 2026-06-05T12:35:49Z Gilldragon 2514030 Created page with "'''[[w:Aloysius Fondong Abangalo|]]''' (5 June 1973) is a Cameroonian prelate of the Catholic Church who serves as the bishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Diocese of Mamfe|Diocese of Mamfe]]. == Quotes == * Put simply, God has been made to understand that we do not want him in our country. ** [https://fides.org/en/news/72824-AFRICA_CAMEROON_Bishops_on_the_attack_on_the_Catholic_Church_among_those_who_attack_the_churches_there_are_also_members_of_our_communities Bishops on..." 3949165 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Aloysius Fondong Abangalo|Aloysius Fondong Abangalo]]''' (5 June 1973) is a Cameroonian prelate of the Catholic Church who serves as the bishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Diocese of Mamfe|Diocese of Mamfe]]. == Quotes == * Put simply, God has been made to understand that we do not want him in our country. ** [https://fides.org/en/news/72824-AFRICA_CAMEROON_Bishops_on_the_attack_on_the_Catholic_Church_among_those_who_attack_the_churches_there_are_also_members_of_our_communities Bishops on the attack on the Catholic Church: among those who attack the churches there are also members of our communities (19 September 2022) ''Fides News Agency''] * I take this opportunity to once again condemn in the strongest possible terms the desecration of the Church and to point out the need to protect human dignity. Depriving our brothers and sisters of their freedom to obtain money at any price is inhumane. For those who make statements that fuel such actions, I believe it is time to rethink one's approach and ensure that the dignity of the human person is defended in every possible way ** [https://fides.org/en/news/72970-AFRICA_CAMEROON_9_hostages_captured_in_the_attack_on_the_church_of_Nchang_have_been_released 9 hostages captured in the attack on the church of Nchang have been released (24 October 2022) ''Fides News Agency''] == External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Fondong Abangalo, Aloysius}} [[Category:1973 births]] [[Category:Catholics from Cameroon]] [[Category:Roman Catholic bishops]] [[Category:Living people]] 8gkosxwxye8zqse61iq9puo12hozccx 2 308070 3949180 2026-06-05T12:54:48Z Atu penta potantin 3336775 /* */ 3949180 wikitext text/x-wiki Até a flor mais bela já foi semente perdida fkzwj1gvem51cdbkp2asl8ghikuop99 0 308071 3949223 2026-06-05T14:18:54Z Saroj 2925457 #100wikiquotedays 3949223 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:2025 Janhvi Kapoor (cropped).jpg|thumb|Kapoor in 2025]] '''[[w:Janhvi Kapoor|Janhvi Kapoor]]''' (born 6 March 1997) is an Indian actress who works predominantly in [[Hindi]] films. Born to film actress [[w:Sridevi|Sridevi]] and producer [[w:Boney Kapoor|Boney Kapoor]], she made her acting debut in 2018 with the romantic drama ''[[w:Dhadak|Dhadak]]'', which was a commercial success. {{actor-stub}} == Quotes == * I have always found it most therapeutic. The energy of being in a classroom when you are doing something as an artist, to be practicing, it always appeals to me. ** Kausha, Sweta (10 March 2021). [https://web.archive.org/web/20210311024535/https://www.forbes.com/sites/swetakaushal/2021/03/10/janhvi-kapoor-interview-indian-actor-opens-up-her-films-love-for-kathak/ "Janhvi Kapoor Interview: Indian Actor Opens Up Her Films, Love For Kathak"]. ''Forbes''. ** On Kathak dance classes. * I’m the kind of person that’s ‘''mein sub ki sunti hu, khud ki karti hu''’. I’m that irritating person who if you speak to for five minutes and if I’m going through a career dilemma or any dilemma really, I’ll pour my heart out. I’ll literally ask anyone and everyone for advice, and then I’ll do whatever the hell I feel like. ** Dhondy, Mehernaaz (6 March 2026). [https://www.grazia.co.in/people/janhvi-kapoor-is-in-to-win-it-15330.html "Janhvi Kapoor Is In It To Win It"]. ''Grazia India''. * From what I understand about social media culture, is that everyone wants prominence, views and virality, so if they are making content about you, you're just a scapegoat. Once you look at it from that lens, you understand that what they're saying about you has nothing to do with you. ** Dhondy, Mehernaaz (6 March 2026). [https://www.grazia.co.in/people/janhvi-kapoor-is-in-to-win-it-15330.html "Janhvi Kapoor Is In It To Win It"]. ''Grazia India''. == External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Kapoor, Janhvi}} [[Category:1997 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Actresses from India]] [[Category:People from Mumbai]] [[Category:Tamil people]] [[Category:Telugu people]] fg1pikdm2xi8lp6i94hb7edxewnlfjn 0 308073 3949271 2026-06-05T16:48:09Z ~2026-20710-68 3308056 Series 1 episode 11: Voo Voo 3949271 wikitext text/x-wiki Flop: ah, a nice cup of coffee Bing: vroom, sch-h-h… (Bing gasps) Bing: uh-oh, flop: never mind, Bing, it’s just a little clumbo, m4y17fki0jzm01hw1ecls1yr1m143os 3949272 3949271 2026-06-05T16:49:28Z ~2026-20710-68 3308056 3949272 wikitext text/x-wiki Flop: ah, a nice cup of coffee Bing: vroom, sch-h-h… (Bing gasps) Bing: uh-oh, flop: never mind, Bing, it’s just a little clumbo, just let soggyfroggy drink it up, Bing (yells): soggy froggy, an9wlfsn38efmogtxbktjn4da4nk148 3949274 3949272 2026-06-05T17:04:13Z 03isrflo62410 1485946 3949274 wikitext text/x-wiki {{db|Test page}} Flop: ah, a nice cup of coffee Bing: vroom, sch-h-h… (Bing gasps) Bing: uh-oh, flop: never mind, Bing, it’s just a little clumbo, just let soggyfroggy drink it up, Bing (yells): soggy froggy, re2wt2z8t22zeqwlieeamzjt79j7nmh 3949318 3949274 2026-06-05T20:36:42Z ~2026-20710-68 3308056 3949318 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category: 2014 animated series]]{{db|Test page}} Flop: ah, a nice cup of coffee Bing: vroom, sch-h-h… (Bing gasps) Bing: uh-oh, flop: never mind, Bing, it’s just a little clumbo, just let soggyfroggy drink it up, Bing (yells): soggy froggy, p91oas0f20f0hf2bk5jimc63quc7jzu 1 308074 3949282 2026-06-05T17:35:43Z ~2026-20710-68 3308056 Created page with "Error, your answer is no Flynn doesn’t not in percy’s place, ~~~~" 3949282 wikitext text/x-wiki Error, your answer is no Flynn doesn’t not in percy’s place, [[Special:Contributions/&#126;2026-20710-68|&#126;2026-20710-68]] ([[User talk:&#126;2026-20710-68|talk]]) 17:35, 5 June 2026 (UTC) hjl0eg6mfs3o6zeorindx2sesh103g4 0 308075 3949301 2026-06-05T18:50:17Z ~2026-33361-63 3336897 Created page with "'''Christian philosophy''' includes [[philosophy|philosophies]] carried out by [[w:Christians|Christians]] or in relation to the religion of [[w:Christianity|Christianity]]. Christian philosophy emerged with the aim of reconciling science and faith, starting from natural rational explanations with the help of Christian [[revelation]]. Several thinkers such as [[Augustine of Hippo]] and [[Thomas Aquinas]] believed that there was a harmonious relationship between science a..." 3949301 wikitext text/x-wiki '''Christian philosophy''' includes [[philosophy|philosophies]] carried out by [[w:Christians|Christians]] or in relation to the religion of [[w:Christianity|Christianity]]. Christian philosophy emerged with the aim of reconciling science and faith, starting from natural rational explanations with the help of Christian [[revelation]]. Several thinkers such as [[Augustine of Hippo]] and [[Thomas Aquinas]] believed that there was a harmonious relationship between science and faith, others such as [[w:Tertullian|Tertullian]] claimed that there was contradiction; others tried to differentiate them. ==Quotes about== *Those who remain in the realm of faith can undoubtedly in some way repeat the question [why there is therefore being rather than nothingness], they can participate in it, but they cannot truly question themselves seriously without betraying their faith. [...] He can only behave "as if"; he cannot really formulate the question to the full extent of his capacity for questioning, nor can he participate in the anguish that is inseparable from it; his faith in the Creator saves him from the vertigo of metaphysical restlessness. In conclusion, the idea of a Christian philosophy can only be a misunderstanding :*[[Martin Heidegger]], ''[[w:Introduction to Metaphysics (Heidegger book)|Einführung in die Metaphysik]]'', Tubinghen 1953, p. 6. As quoted in Father [[Battista Mondin]], O.P., ''Il sistema filosofico di Tommaso d'Aquino. <small>Per una lettura attuale della filosofia tomista<small>'', Editrice Massimo, Milan February 1985, 1st edition, ISBN 88-7030-462-0, p. 11 (in Italian). *The scholar of medieval philosophy needs only a minimum of objectivity to recognise that in authors such as Augustine, Thomas, Bonaventure and Scotus we are faced with philosophical systems [...] for intrinsic, essential reasons. In fact, these are systems in which the Christian authors are not content simply to repeat the doctrines of the great Greek philosophers, but develop new systems in which the form remains that specific to philosophy, while some content is derived directly from Christianity, for example the uniqueness of God, [[creation]], [[freedom]], the person, history, contingency, the goodness of matter and the human body, [[providence]], etc. Taking these truths one by one, even historians of secular faith recognise that they owe their origin to Christianity, but they do not want to admit that it was the thinkers of the Middle Ages who gave them a rational, philosophical expression. This would be a merit of modern philosophy. But here we are faced with a blatant falsification of history, as [[Étienne Gilson]] irrefutably demonstrated in his masterful work ''The Spirit of Medieval Philosophy''. The merit of having constructed a very rich philosophical heritage with truths that are in themselves accessible to human reason, but which in fact were made known to it for the first time by the Word of God, belongs to the [[w:Fathers of the Church|Fathers of the Church]] and the Scholastics, to talented Christian thinkers who bear the names of [[Clement of Alexandria]], [[Gregory of Nyssa]], [[w:Basil the Great|Basil]], [[Augustine of Hippo|Augustine]], [[Boethius]], [[Anselm of Canterbury|Anselm]], [[Saint Bonaventure|Bonaventure]], [[Thomas Aquinas|Thomas]] and [[Duns Scotus|Scotus]]. :The synthesis between Hellenic thought and Christian truths is by no means a "wooden iron", as Heidegger stated, but a harmonious construction, the result of an intelligent operation that, on the one hand, allowed Christianity itself to take on a rational expression that it did not have before, and on the other, allowed philosophy to gain new and very valuable content that the Greek philosophers had not been able or had not known how to give it. ==See also== * [[Faith]] * [[Philosophy]] * [[Reason]] * [[Relationship between religion and science]] ==External links== {{similar links}} [[Category:Philosophy]] [[Category:Christianity]] fqpqlr1uduxfj1lf1izd5q5m4ovwxei 3949302 3949301 2026-06-05T18:50:44Z ~2026-33361-63 3336897 3949302 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Christian philosphy|Christian philosophy]]''' includes [[philosophy|philosophies]] carried out by [[w:Christians|Christians]] or in relation to the religion of [[w:Christianity|Christianity]]. Christian philosophy emerged with the aim of reconciling science and faith, starting from natural rational explanations with the help of Christian [[revelation]]. Several thinkers such as [[Augustine of Hippo]] and [[Thomas Aquinas]] believed that there was a harmonious relationship between science and faith, others such as [[w:Tertullian|Tertullian]] claimed that there was contradiction; others tried to differentiate them. ==Quotes about== *Those who remain in the realm of faith can undoubtedly in some way repeat the question [why there is therefore being rather than nothingness], they can participate in it, but they cannot truly question themselves seriously without betraying their faith. [...] He can only behave "as if"; he cannot really formulate the question to the full extent of his capacity for questioning, nor can he participate in the anguish that is inseparable from it; his faith in the Creator saves him from the vertigo of metaphysical restlessness. In conclusion, the idea of a Christian philosophy can only be a misunderstanding :*[[Martin Heidegger]], ''[[w:Introduction to Metaphysics (Heidegger book)|Einführung in die Metaphysik]]'', Tubinghen 1953, p. 6. As quoted in Father [[Battista Mondin]], O.P., ''Il sistema filosofico di Tommaso d'Aquino. <small>Per una lettura attuale della filosofia tomista<small>'', Editrice Massimo, Milan February 1985, 1st edition, ISBN 88-7030-462-0, p. 11 (in Italian). *The scholar of medieval philosophy needs only a minimum of objectivity to recognise that in authors such as Augustine, Thomas, Bonaventure and Scotus we are faced with philosophical systems [...] for intrinsic, essential reasons. In fact, these are systems in which the Christian authors are not content simply to repeat the doctrines of the great Greek philosophers, but develop new systems in which the form remains that specific to philosophy, while some content is derived directly from Christianity, for example the uniqueness of God, [[creation]], [[freedom]], the person, history, contingency, the goodness of matter and the human body, [[providence]], etc. Taking these truths one by one, even historians of secular faith recognise that they owe their origin to Christianity, but they do not want to admit that it was the thinkers of the Middle Ages who gave them a rational, philosophical expression. This would be a merit of modern philosophy. But here we are faced with a blatant falsification of history, as [[Étienne Gilson]] irrefutably demonstrated in his masterful work ''The Spirit of Medieval Philosophy''. The merit of having constructed a very rich philosophical heritage with truths that are in themselves accessible to human reason, but which in fact were made known to it for the first time by the Word of God, belongs to the [[w:Fathers of the Church|Fathers of the Church]] and the Scholastics, to talented Christian thinkers who bear the names of [[Clement of Alexandria]], [[Gregory of Nyssa]], [[w:Basil the Great|Basil]], [[Augustine of Hippo|Augustine]], [[Boethius]], [[Anselm of Canterbury|Anselm]], [[Saint Bonaventure|Bonaventure]], [[Thomas Aquinas|Thomas]] and [[Duns Scotus|Scotus]]. :The synthesis between Hellenic thought and Christian truths is by no means a "wooden iron", as Heidegger stated, but a harmonious construction, the result of an intelligent operation that, on the one hand, allowed Christianity itself to take on a rational expression that it did not have before, and on the other, allowed philosophy to gain new and very valuable content that the Greek philosophers had not been able or had not known how to give it. ==See also== * [[Faith]] * [[Philosophy]] * [[Reason]] * [[Relationship between religion and science]] ==External links== {{similar links}} [[Category:Philosophy]] [[Category:Christianity]] ejvld1evf0x0hpnludpwi5oateud330 3949303 3949302 2026-06-05T18:53:18Z ~2026-33361-63 3336897 /* Quotes about */ 3949303 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Christian philosphy|Christian philosophy]]''' includes [[philosophy|philosophies]] carried out by [[w:Christians|Christians]] or in relation to the religion of [[w:Christianity|Christianity]]. Christian philosophy emerged with the aim of reconciling science and faith, starting from natural rational explanations with the help of Christian [[revelation]]. Several thinkers such as [[Augustine of Hippo]] and [[Thomas Aquinas]] believed that there was a harmonious relationship between science and faith, others such as [[w:Tertullian|Tertullian]] claimed that there was contradiction; others tried to differentiate them. ==Quotes about== *Those who remain in the realm of faith can undoubtedly in some way repeat the question [why there is therefore being rather than nothingness], they can participate in it, but they cannot truly question themselves seriously without betraying their faith. [...] He can only behave "as if"; he cannot really formulate the question to the full extent of his capacity for questioning, nor can he participate in the anguish that is inseparable from it; his faith in the Creator saves him from the vertigo of metaphysical restlessness. In conclusion, the idea of a Christian philosophy can only be a misunderstanding :*[[Martin Heidegger]], ''[[w:Introduction to Metaphysics (Heidegger book)|Einführung in die Metaphysik]]'', Tubinghen 1953, p. 6. As quoted in Father [[Battista Mondin]], O.P., ''Il sistema filosofico di Tommaso d'Aquino. <small>Per una lettura attuale della filosofia tomista</small>'', Editrice Massimo, Milan February 1985, 1st edition, ISBN 88-7030-462-0, p. 11 (in Italian). *The scholar of medieval philosophy needs only a minimum of objectivity to recognise that in authors such as Augustine, Thomas, Bonaventure and Scotus we are faced with philosophical systems [...] for intrinsic, essential reasons. In fact, these are systems in which the Christian authors are not content simply to repeat the doctrines of the great Greek philosophers, but develop new systems in which the form remains that specific to philosophy, while some content is derived directly from Christianity, for example the uniqueness of God, [[creation]], [[freedom]], the person, history, contingency, the goodness of matter and the human body, [[providence]], etc. Taking these truths one by one, even historians of secular faith recognise that they owe their origin to Christianity, but they do not want to admit that it was the thinkers of the Middle Ages who gave them a rational, philosophical expression. This would be a merit of modern philosophy. But here we are faced with a blatant falsification of history, as [[Étienne Gilson]] irrefutably demonstrated in his masterful work ''The Spirit of Medieval Philosophy''. The merit of having constructed a very rich philosophical heritage with truths that are in themselves accessible to human reason, but which in fact were made known to it for the first time by the Word of God, belongs to the [[w:Fathers of the Church|Fathers of the Church]] and the Scholastics, to talented Christian thinkers who bear the names of [[Clement of Alexandria]], [[Gregory of Nyssa]], [[w:Basil the Great|Basil]], [[Augustine of Hippo|Augustine]], [[Boethius]], [[Anselm of Canterbury|Anselm]], [[Saint Bonaventure|Bonaventure]], [[Thomas Aquinas|Thomas]] and [[Duns Scotus|Scotus]]. :The synthesis between Hellenic thought and Christian truths is by no means a "wooden iron", as Heidegger stated, but a harmonious construction, the result of an intelligent operation that, on the one hand, allowed Christianity itself to take on a rational expression that it did not have before, and on the other, allowed philosophy to gain new and very valuable content that the Greek philosophers had not been able or had not known how to give it. Father [[Battista Mondin]], O.P., ''Il sistema filosofico di Tommaso d'Aquino. <small>Per una lettura attuale della filosofia tomista</small>'', Editrice Massimo, Milan February 1985, 1st edition, ISBN 88-7030-462-0, pp. 12-13 (in Italian). ==See also== * [[Faith]] * [[Philosophy]] * [[Reason]] * [[Relationship between religion and science]] ==External links== {{similar links}} [[Category:Philosophy]] [[Category:Christianity]] 2grxfm540qqmq6zks40dchv0ee2dj8t 3949304 3949303 2026-06-05T18:54:05Z ~2026-33361-63 3336897 /* Quotes about */ 3949304 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Christian philosphy|Christian philosophy]]''' includes [[philosophy|philosophies]] carried out by [[w:Christians|Christians]] or in relation to the religion of [[w:Christianity|Christianity]]. Christian philosophy emerged with the aim of reconciling science and faith, starting from natural rational explanations with the help of Christian [[revelation]]. Several thinkers such as [[Augustine of Hippo]] and [[Thomas Aquinas]] believed that there was a harmonious relationship between science and faith, others such as [[w:Tertullian|Tertullian]] claimed that there was contradiction; others tried to differentiate them. ==Quotes about== *Those who remain in the realm of faith can undoubtedly in some way repeat the question [why there is therefore being rather than nothingness], they can participate in it, but they cannot truly question themselves seriously without betraying their faith. [...] He can only behave "as if"; he cannot really formulate the question to the full extent of his capacity for questioning, nor can he participate in the anguish that is inseparable from it; his faith in the Creator saves him from the vertigo of metaphysical restlessness. In conclusion, the idea of a Christian philosophy can only be a misunderstanding :*[[Martin Heidegger]], ''[[w:Introduction to Metaphysics (Heidegger book)|Einführung in die Metaphysik]]'', Tubinghen 1953, p. 6. As quoted in Father [[Battista Mondin]], O.P., ''Il sistema filosofico di Tommaso d'Aquino. <small>Per una lettura attuale della filosofia tomista</small>'', Editrice Massimo, Milan February 1985, 1st edition, ISBN 88-7030-462-0, p. 11 (in Italian). *The scholar of medieval philosophy needs only a minimum of objectivity to recognise that in authors such as Augustine, Thomas, Bonaventure and Scotus we are faced with philosophical systems [...] for intrinsic, essential reasons. In fact, these are systems in which the Christian authors are not content simply to repeat the doctrines of the great Greek philosophers, but develop new systems in which the form remains that specific to philosophy, while some content is derived directly from Christianity, for example the uniqueness of God, [[creation]], [[freedom]], the person, history, contingency, the goodness of matter and the human body, [[providence]], etc. Taking these truths one by one, even historians of secular faith recognise that they owe their origin to Christianity, but they do not want to admit that it was the thinkers of the Middle Ages who gave them a rational, philosophical expression. This would be a merit of modern philosophy. But here we are faced with a blatant falsification of history, as [[Étienne Gilson]] irrefutably demonstrated in his masterful work ''The Spirit of Medieval Philosophy''. The merit of having constructed a very rich philosophical heritage with truths that are in themselves accessible to human reason, but which in fact were made known to it for the first time by the Word of God, belongs to the [[w:Fathers of the Church|Fathers of the Church]] and the Scholastics, to talented Christian thinkers who bear the names of [[Clement of Alexandria]], [[Gregory of Nyssa]], [[w:Basil the Great|Basil]], [[Augustine of Hippo|Augustine]], [[Boethius]], [[Anselm of Canterbury|Anselm]], [[Bonaventure]], [[Thomas Aquinas|Thomas]] and [[Duns Scotus|Scotus]]. :The synthesis between Hellenic thought and Christian truths is by no means a "wooden iron", as Heidegger stated, but a harmonious construction, the result of an intelligent operation that, on the one hand, allowed Christianity itself to take on a rational expression that it did not have before, and on the other, allowed philosophy to gain new and very valuable content that the Greek philosophers had not been able or had not known how to give it. :**Father [[Battista Mondin]], O.P., ''Il sistema filosofico di Tommaso d'Aquino. <small>Per una lettura attuale della filosofia tomista</small>'', Editrice Massimo, Milan February 1985, 1st edition, ISBN 88-7030-462-0, pp. 12-13 (in Italian). ==See also== * [[Faith]] * [[Philosophy]] * [[Reason]] * [[Relationship between religion and science]] ==External links== {{similar links}} [[Category:Philosophy]] [[Category:Christianity]] 8ttnb9vqi34kw0ygmrx0jmv9bicp9xt 0 308076 3949307 2026-06-05T19:31:04Z Mehsi-tourism 3336938 Created new page: Mirza Halim Shah Dargah 3949307 wikitext text/x-wiki Mirza Halim Shah Dargah Mirza Halim Shah Dargah is a Sufi shrine located in Mehsi town, East Champaran district, Bihar, India. The shrine is dedicated to Hazrat Data Mirza Abdul Halim Shah and is an important religious site visited by devotees from Bihar, neighboring states, and Nepal. History According to local traditions and historical accounts, Mirza Abdul Halim Shah was a Sufi saint associated with Mehsi. The dargah has been a center of spiritual and cultural activities for centuries. Historical references describe the site as an important place of pilgrimage in the region. Urs Festival An annual Urs festival is held at the dargah, attracting thousands of devotees from different communities. During the event, visitors offer chadar, participate in prayers, and attend religious gatherings. The Urs is one of the major religious events in the Mehsi area. Location The dargah is situated in Mehsi, East Champaran district, Bihar. It is accessible by road and rail, with Mehsi Railway Station being the nearest railway station. Significance The shrine is regarded as a symbol of communal harmony and attracts visitors from different religious backgrounds. It remains an important part of the cultural and spiritual heritage of Mehsi and the Champaran region. == References == <ref>{{cite news |title=Mehsi Urs and cultural heritage |url=https://www.prabhatkhabar.com/state/bihar/motihari/motihari-news-mehsi-khwaja-abdul-haleem-shah-chishti-779-urs-sadbhavna-mela-history-mahesh-raut-june}}</ref> <ref>{{cite news |title=Three-day Urs mela begins at Mehasi |work=The Times of India |url=https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/patna/three-day-urs-mela-begins-at-mehasi/articleshow/5281949.cms}}</ref> 2f8efb6dnymcdktq3fyw6ez1idtbzpd 3949308 3949307 2026-06-05T19:36:34Z Mehsi-tourism 3336938 [[File:Mirza Halim Shah Dargah, Mehsi.jpg|thumb|Dargah of Khwaja Abdul Halim Shah Chishti]] 3949308 wikitext text/x-wiki Mirza Halim Shah Dargah [[File:Mirza Halim Shah Dargah, Mehsi.jpg|thumb|Dargah of Khwaja Abdul Halim Shah Chishti]] Mirza Halim Shah Dargah is a Sufi shrine located in Mehsi town, East Champaran district, Bihar, India. The shrine is dedicated to Hazrat Data Mirza Abdul Halim Shah and is an important religious site visited by devotees from Bihar, neighboring states, and Nepal. History According to local traditions and historical accounts, Mirza Abdul Halim Shah was a Sufi saint associated with Mehsi. The dargah has been a center of spiritual and cultural activities for centuries. Historical references describe the site as an important place of pilgrimage in the region. Urs Festival An annual Urs festival is held at the dargah, attracting thousands of devotees from different communities. During the event, visitors offer chadar, participate in prayers, and attend religious gatherings. The Urs is one of the major religious events in the Mehsi area. Location The dargah is situated in Mehsi, East Champaran district, Bihar. It is accessible by road and rail, with Mehsi Railway Station being the nearest railway station. Significance The shrine is regarded as a symbol of communal harmony and attracts visitors from different religious backgrounds. It remains an important part of the cultural and spiritual heritage of Mehsi and the Champaran region. == References == <ref>{{cite news |title=Mehsi Urs and cultural heritage |url=https://www.prabhatkhabar.com/state/bihar/motihari/motihari-news-mehsi-khwaja-abdul-haleem-shah-chishti-779-urs-sadbhavna-mela-history-mahesh-raut-june}}</ref> <ref>{{cite news |title=Three-day Urs mela begins at Mehasi |work=The Times of India |url=https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/patna/three-day-urs-mela-begins-at-mehasi/articleshow/5281949.cms}}</ref> 3bxb17106zjrlxxxrszfjfy9yhg544r 3949309 3949308 2026-06-05T19:38:02Z Mehsi-tourism 3336938 Add Mirza Halim Shah 3949309 wikitext text/x-wiki Mirza Halim Shah Dargah [[File:Mirza Halim Shah Dargah, Mehsi.jpg|thumb|Dargah of Mirza Halim Shah]] Mirza Halim Shah Dargah is a Sufi shrine located in Mehsi town, East Champaran district, Bihar, India. The shrine is dedicated to Hazrat Data Mirza Abdul Halim Shah and is an important religious site visited by devotees from Bihar, neighboring states, and Nepal. History According to local traditions and historical accounts, Mirza Abdul Halim Shah was a Sufi saint associated with Mehsi. The dargah has been a center of spiritual and cultural activities for centuries. Historical references describe the site as an important place of pilgrimage in the region. Urs Festival An annual Urs festival is held at the dargah, attracting thousands of devotees from different communities. During the event, visitors offer chadar, participate in prayers, and attend religious gatherings. The Urs is one of the major religious events in the Mehsi area. Location The dargah is situated in Mehsi, East Champaran district, Bihar. It is accessible by road and rail, with Mehsi Railway Station being the nearest railway station. Significance The shrine is regarded as a symbol of communal harmony and attracts visitors from different religious backgrounds. It remains an important part of the cultural and spiritual heritage of Mehsi and the Champaran region. == References == <ref>{{cite news |title=Mehsi Urs and cultural heritage |url=https://www.prabhatkhabar.com/state/bihar/motihari/motihari-news-mehsi-khwaja-abdul-haleem-shah-chishti-779-urs-sadbhavna-mela-history-mahesh-raut-june}}</ref> <ref>{{cite news |title=Three-day Urs mela begins at Mehasi |work=The Times of India |url=https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/patna/three-day-urs-mela-begins-at-mehasi/articleshow/5281949.cms}}</ref> dmadq7ytsz4bw63sak142brla2wykxa 3949310 3949309 2026-06-05T19:49:37Z Mehsi-tourism 3336938 3949310 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Mirza Halim Shah Dargah ]] [[File:Mirza Halim Shah Dargah, Mehsi.jpg|thumb|Dargah of Mirza Halim Shah]] Mirza Halim Shah Dargah is a Sufi shrine located in Mehsi town, East Champaran district, Bihar, India. The shrine is dedicated to Hazrat Data Mirza Abdul Halim Shah and is an important religious site visited by devotees from Bihar, neighboring states, and Nepal. History According to local traditions and historical accounts, Mirza Abdul Halim Shah was a Sufi saint associated with Mehsi. The dargah has been a center of spiritual and cultural activities for centuries. Historical references describe the site as an important place of pilgrimage in the region. Urs Festival An annual Urs festival is held at the dargah, attracting thousands of devotees from different communities. During the event, visitors offer chadar, participate in prayers, and attend religious gatherings. The Urs is one of the major religious events in the Mehsi area. Location The dargah is situated in Mehsi, East Champaran district, Bihar. It is accessible by road and rail, with Mehsi Railway Station being the nearest railway station. Significance The shrine is regarded as a symbol of communal harmony and attracts visitors from different religious backgrounds. It remains an important part of the cultural and spiritual heritage of Mehsi and the Champaran region. == References == <ref>{{cite news |title=Mehsi Urs and cultural heritage |url=https://www.prabhatkhabar.com/state/bihar/motihari/motihari-news-mehsi-khwaja-abdul-haleem-shah-chishti-779-urs-sadbhavna-mela-history-mahesh-raut-june}}</ref> <ref>{{cite news |title=Three-day Urs mela begins at Mehasi |work=The Times of India |url=https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/patna/three-day-urs-mela-begins-at-mehasi/articleshow/5281949.cms}}</ref> 61qyn34ic989o9cm4n8tptbi68yz54c 3949370 3949310 2026-06-06T00:39:54Z MathXplore 3050778 Requesting deletion ([[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]] v3.1b) 3949370 wikitext text/x-wiki <noinclude>{{delete|Out of project scope <small>[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]</small>}}</noinclude> [[Mirza Halim Shah Dargah ]] [[File:Mirza Halim Shah Dargah, Mehsi.jpg|thumb|Dargah of Mirza Halim Shah]] Mirza Halim Shah Dargah is a Sufi shrine located in Mehsi town, East Champaran district, Bihar, India. The shrine is dedicated to Hazrat Data Mirza Abdul Halim Shah and is an important religious site visited by devotees from Bihar, neighboring states, and Nepal. History According to local traditions and historical accounts, Mirza Abdul Halim Shah was a Sufi saint associated with Mehsi. The dargah has been a center of spiritual and cultural activities for centuries. Historical references describe the site as an important place of pilgrimage in the region. Urs Festival An annual Urs festival is held at the dargah, attracting thousands of devotees from different communities. During the event, visitors offer chadar, participate in prayers, and attend religious gatherings. The Urs is one of the major religious events in the Mehsi area. Location The dargah is situated in Mehsi, East Champaran district, Bihar. It is accessible by road and rail, with Mehsi Railway Station being the nearest railway station. Significance The shrine is regarded as a symbol of communal harmony and attracts visitors from different religious backgrounds. It remains an important part of the cultural and spiritual heritage of Mehsi and the Champaran region. == References == <ref>{{cite news |title=Mehsi Urs and cultural heritage |url=https://www.prabhatkhabar.com/state/bihar/motihari/motihari-news-mehsi-khwaja-abdul-haleem-shah-chishti-779-urs-sadbhavna-mela-history-mahesh-raut-june}}</ref> <ref>{{cite news |title=Three-day Urs mela begins at Mehasi |work=The Times of India |url=https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/patna/three-day-urs-mela-begins-at-mehasi/articleshow/5281949.cms}}</ref> fe35kgfcy5l209cqw33fabv1m4g860x 0 308077 3949313 2026-06-05T20:24:43Z Suslindisambiguator 275269 created page with 3 quotes from L. F. de Pourtalès & 1 quote about him 3949313 wikitext text/x-wiki '''{{w|Louis François de Pourtalès}}''' (4 March 1824 – 18 July 1880) was a Swiss-born American naturalist, museum curator, and pioneer of deep-sea dredging, known for his research on corals. A student and collaborator of [[Louis Agassiz]], Pourtalès was a member of a {{w|Pourtalès family|French family that, in the early 18th century, emigrated into Switzerland and was ennobled in 1750 by the King of Prussia}}. The genus ''{{w|Pourtalesia}}'' was named in his honor. In 1873 he was elected a Member of the U.S. {{w|National Academy of Sciences}}. ==Quotes== * The study of the constitution and of the inhabitants of the {{w|Seabed|bottom of the sea}} is a field of [[research]] that has attracted the attention of [[:wiktionary:naturalist|naturalist]]s in comparatively recent times. What [[Alexander von Humboldt|Humboldt]] did with regard to the distribution of life at different heights in the atmosphere, was done by {{w|Edward Forbes}} for the different depths of the ocean. The former's diagrams of the zones of vegetation on the slopes of the {{w|Andes}} are considered indispensable in every atlas of physical geography. But what one man could do where his glance embraced miles of country in height and breadth and where the types of vegetation could frequently be recognized as far as the eye could reach, an investigator even as zealous as Forbes could but sketch in broad though happily drawn lines for the marine animals. ** {{cite journal|title=Contributions to the fauna of the Gulf Stream at great depths|journal=Bullefin of the Museum of Comparafive Zoology, Harvard University|volume=1|issue=6|year=1867|pages=103–120|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=9kMZpkFgmDMC&pg=PA103}} (quote from p. 103) * The deepest cast was made in 517 [[:wiktionary:fathom|fathom]]s; it gave a very handsome ''{{w|Mopsea}}'', a {{w|crab}}, an {{w|Ophiura}}n, and some {{w|annelid}}s.<br>The difference of the deep-sea faunæ of the opposite coast of [[Cuba]] and [[Florida]] is very marked, although the distance is so small; of all the {{w|coral}}s, for instance, described by me from the coast of Cuba, only two or three, and those in fragments, were found off the Florida reef. ** {{cite journal|title=Deep-sea Dredgings in the region of the Gulf-Stream|journal=Annals and Magazine of Natural History,4th series|volume=vol. III|issue=13|date=January 1869|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=i0h_bg5SiSwC&pg=PA93|pages=92–93}} * An article by {{w|Henry Nottidge Moseley|Mr. Moseley}}, in {{w|Nature (journal)|''Nature''}} (vol. xvi. p. 475), reminds me of an experiment I made some years ago in [[Florida]]. In collecting {{w|coral}}s on the reefs, I had of course become familiar with the disagreeable, though not very painful, effects of contact of the hands with {{w|Fire coral|''Millipora''}}. But the vulgar names of Pepper-coral or Sea ginger induced me to try the effect on the tongue, to find out how far the taste resembled those condiments. I accordingly broke off a fresh piece and applied it to the tongue. Instantly a most severe pain shot, not only through that organ, but also through the jaws and teeth. The whole course of the dental nerves and their ramifications into every single tooth could be distinctly and painfully felt. I can compare the sensation to nothing better than to the application of the poles of a pretty strong galvanic battery. The pain remained severe for about half an hour, then became duller, leaving a sensation still perceptible five or six hours later. The whole impression was much too violent to allow the distinction of any particular taste. ** {{cite journal|date=8 November 1877|title=Effects of urticating organs of ''Millipora'' on the tongue|journal=Nature|volume=17|issue=419|pages=27|url=https://www.nature.com/articles/017027c0|doi=10.1038/017027c0}} ==Quotes about Louis François de Pourtales== * Pourtales' range of learning was very extensive, and his command of it perfect. Nor was it confined to [[mathematics]], [[physics]], and [[zoology]]. He did not scorn to read novels and light poetry, and was knowing in {{w|family history}} and {{w|local history}}. It was a common saying in the museum that if Count Pourtales did not know a thing it was useless to ask any one else. ** {{cite journal|title=Obituary Notice. Count Louis François de Pourtales|journal=Scientific American|volume=43|date=September 25, 1880|url=https://books.google.cat/books?id=6ok9AQAAIAAJ&pg=PA201|pages=201}} ==External links== * {{wikipedia-inline}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Pourtales, Louis Francois de}} [[Category:1824 births]] [[Category:1880 deaths]] [[Category:Curators]] [[Category:Members of the United States National Academy of Sciences]] [[Category:Zoologists from Switzerland]] [[Category:Zoologists from the United States]] 28lem7esmbbj28s4u7qcnph7lx5kqf7 3949501 3949313 2026-06-06T09:22:45Z Suslindisambiguator 275269 /* Quotes about Louis François de Pourtales */ added quote from Alexander Agassiz 3949501 wikitext text/x-wiki '''{{w|Louis François de Pourtalès}}''' (4 March 1824 – 18 July 1880) was a Swiss-born American naturalist, museum curator, and pioneer of deep-sea dredging, known for his research on corals. A student and collaborator of [[Louis Agassiz]], Pourtalès was a member of a {{w|Pourtalès family|French family that, in the early 18th century, emigrated into Switzerland and was ennobled in 1750 by the King of Prussia}}. The genus ''{{w|Pourtalesia}}'' was named in his honor. In 1873 he was elected a Member of the U.S. {{w|National Academy of Sciences}}. ==Quotes== * The study of the constitution and of the inhabitants of the {{w|Seabed|bottom of the sea}} is a field of [[research]] that has attracted the attention of [[:wiktionary:naturalist|naturalist]]s in comparatively recent times. What [[Alexander von Humboldt|Humboldt]] did with regard to the distribution of life at different heights in the atmosphere, was done by {{w|Edward Forbes}} for the different depths of the ocean. The former's diagrams of the zones of vegetation on the slopes of the {{w|Andes}} are considered indispensable in every atlas of physical geography. But what one man could do where his glance embraced miles of country in height and breadth and where the types of vegetation could frequently be recognized as far as the eye could reach, an investigator even as zealous as Forbes could but sketch in broad though happily drawn lines for the marine animals. ** {{cite journal|title=Contributions to the fauna of the Gulf Stream at great depths|journal=Bullefin of the Museum of Comparafive Zoology, Harvard University|volume=1|issue=6|year=1867|pages=103–120|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=9kMZpkFgmDMC&pg=PA103}} (quote from p. 103) * The deepest cast was made in 517 [[:wiktionary:fathom|fathom]]s; it gave a very handsome ''{{w|Mopsea}}'', a {{w|crab}}, an {{w|Ophiura}}n, and some {{w|annelid}}s.<br>The difference of the deep-sea faunæ of the opposite coast of [[Cuba]] and [[Florida]] is very marked, although the distance is so small; of all the {{w|coral}}s, for instance, described by me from the coast of Cuba, only two or three, and those in fragments, were found off the Florida reef. ** {{cite journal|title=Deep-sea Dredgings in the region of the Gulf-Stream|journal=Annals and Magazine of Natural History,4th series|volume=vol. III|issue=13|date=January 1869|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=i0h_bg5SiSwC&pg=PA93|pages=92–93}} * An article by {{w|Henry Nottidge Moseley|Mr. Moseley}}, in {{w|Nature (journal)|''Nature''}} (vol. xvi. p. 475), reminds me of an experiment I made some years ago in [[Florida]]. In collecting {{w|coral}}s on the reefs, I had of course become familiar with the disagreeable, though not very painful, effects of contact of the hands with {{w|Fire coral|''Millipora''}}. But the vulgar names of Pepper-coral or Sea ginger induced me to try the effect on the tongue, to find out how far the taste resembled those condiments. I accordingly broke off a fresh piece and applied it to the tongue. Instantly a most severe pain shot, not only through that organ, but also through the jaws and teeth. The whole course of the dental nerves and their ramifications into every single tooth could be distinctly and painfully felt. I can compare the sensation to nothing better than to the application of the poles of a pretty strong galvanic battery. The pain remained severe for about half an hour, then became duller, leaving a sensation still perceptible five or six hours later. The whole impression was much too violent to allow the distinction of any particular taste. ** {{cite journal|date=8 November 1877|title=Effects of urticating organs of ''Millipora'' on the tongue|journal=Nature|volume=17|issue=419|pages=27|url=https://www.nature.com/articles/017027c0|doi=10.1038/017027c0}} ==Quotes about Louis François de Pourtales== * Pourtales' range of learning was very extensive, and his command of it perfect. Nor was it confined to [[mathematics]], [[physics]], and [[zoology]]. He did not scorn to read novels and light poetry, and was knowing in {{w|family history}} and {{w|local history}}. It was a common saying in the museum that if Count Pourtales did not know a thing it was useless to ask any one else. ** {{cite journal|title=Obituary Notice. Count Louis François de Pourtales|journal=Scientific American|volume=43|date=September 25, 1880|url=https://books.google.cat/books?id=6ok9AQAAIAAJ&pg=PA201|pages=201}} * Educated as an {{w|engineer}}, he showed from boyhood a predilection for [[natural history]]. He was a favorite student of [[Louis Agassiz|Professor Agassiz]], and when only a lad of seventeen had shared his labors on the [[glacier]] of the {{w|Aare|Aar}}, being one of the party of Alpine explorers who, in 1840, made their home under the famous boulder known as the Hotel des Neuchâtelois. When his friend and mentor came to America in 1847, he accompanied him, and remained for some time with the little band of naturalists, who, first at {{w|East Boston}} and subsequently at {{w|Cambridge, Massachusetts|Cambridge}}, shared his labors. In 1848 Pourtalès entered the {{w|United States Coast Survey}}, where his ability and indefatigable industry were at once recognized, and he remained attached to that branch of our public service for many years. ** [[Alexander Agassiz]], {{cite book|chapter=Biographical Memoir of Louis François de Pourtalès, 1824-1880|title=Biographical Memoirs of the National Academy of Sciences|year=1905|volume=vol. 5|publisher=U.S. National Academy of Sciences|chapter-url=https://books.google.com/books?id=I5jzgWN1sWgC&pg=PA81|pages=79–89}} ==External links== * {{wikipedia-inline}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Pourtales, Louis Francois de}} [[Category:1824 births]] [[Category:1880 deaths]] [[Category:Curators]] [[Category:Members of the United States National Academy of Sciences]] [[Category:Zoologists from Switzerland]] [[Category:Zoologists from the United States]] 7ecngz5xrc3xubjpua1wr9mkxwbbi2u 0 308078 3949319 2026-06-05T20:38:10Z ~2026-20710-68 3308056 Created page with "Hey duggee is the 2014 animated series released on bbc," 3949319 wikitext text/x-wiki Hey duggee is the 2014 animated series released on bbc, re393xyp89aiinfcy2wgf31d6cv7hjw 3949368 3949319 2026-06-06T00:39:17Z MathXplore 3050778 Requesting deletion ([[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]] v3.1b) 3949368 wikitext text/x-wiki <noinclude>{{delete|Test page. Out of project scope <small>[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]</small>}}</noinclude> Hey duggee is the 2014 animated series released on bbc, 8uarwehn99qj0km813t5fb5ykguyjxx 4 308079 3949328 2026-06-05T21:53:11Z GrimRob 1187925 VfD: Sophia Alj 3949328 wikitext text/x-wiki == [[:Sophia Alj]] == promotion, unsourced — [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:53, 5 June 2026 (UTC) <small>'''Vote closes''': 22:00, 12 June 2026 (UTC)</small> 8rt20lxedy42br3cov4qwrirjx3k5xd 3949329 3949328 2026-06-05T21:53:12Z GrimRob 1187925 Adding nominator vote 3949329 wikitext text/x-wiki == [[:Sophia Alj]] == promotion, unsourced — [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:53, 5 June 2026 (UTC) : '''Delete''' as nominator [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:53, 5 June 2026 (UTC) <small>'''Vote closes''': 22:00, 12 June 2026 (UTC)</small> pvdulnl03wgl5bcwvggev8g4nu2lzai 0 308080 3949337 2026-06-05T22:39:07Z Gilldragon 2514030 Created page with "'''[[w:Juan-José Aguirre Muñoz|]]''' (5 June 1954) is a Spanish prelate of the Catholic Church who serves as the bishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Diocese of Bangassou|Diocese of Bangassou]]. == Quotes == *There are many traumas that need to be healed. The suffering Christ is behind every post-traumatic shock. *We will have to adapt to a new regime... We hope that attacks and looting are avoided. For the Church, the population is still there, the poor have not moved n..." 3949337 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Juan-José Aguirre Muñoz|Juan-José Aguirre Muñoz]]''' (5 June 1954) is a Spanish prelate of the Catholic Church who serves as the bishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Diocese of Bangassou|Diocese of Bangassou]]. == Quotes == *There are many traumas that need to be healed. The suffering Christ is behind every post-traumatic shock. *We will have to adapt to a new regime... We hope that attacks and looting are avoided. For the Church, the population is still there, the poor have not moved nor the Christ who dwells in them, the Christian community will continue to grow and we will continue to grow with it. ** [https://www.fides.org/en/news/69325-AFRICA_CENTRAL_AFRICA_Bishop_reports_dead_and_wounded_after_the_siege_of_Bangassou Bishop reports dead and wounded after the siege of Bangassou (4 January 2021) ''Fides News Agency''] == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Aguirre Muñoz, Juan-José}} [[Category:1954 births]] [[Category:People from Andalusia]] [[Category:Catholics from Spain]] [[Category:Clergy from Spain]] [[Category:Roman Catholic bishops]] [[Category:Living people]] a1qkkrie7emiywjmixm19n5kne2je05 3949338 3949337 2026-06-05T22:40:23Z Gilldragon 2514030 3949338 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Juan Aguirre Muñoz|Juan-José Aguirre Muñoz]]''' (5 June 1954) is a Spanish prelate of the Catholic Church who serves as the bishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Diocese of Bangassou|Diocese of Bangassou]]. == Quotes == *There are many traumas that need to be healed. The suffering Christ is behind every post-traumatic shock. *We will have to adapt to a new regime... We hope that attacks and looting are avoided. For the Church, the population is still there, the poor have not moved nor the Christ who dwells in them, the Christian community will continue to grow and we will continue to grow with it. ** [https://www.fides.org/en/news/69325-AFRICA_CENTRAL_AFRICA_Bishop_reports_dead_and_wounded_after_the_siege_of_Bangassou Bishop reports dead and wounded after the siege of Bangassou (4 January 2021) ''Fides News Agency''] == External links == {{Wikipedia|Juan Aguirre Muñoz}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Aguirre Muñoz, Juan-José}} [[Category:1954 births]] [[Category:People from Andalusia]] [[Category:Catholics from Spain]] [[Category:Clergy from Spain]] [[Category:Roman Catholic bishops]] [[Category:Living people]] 25tyzfzvwnml5eb7qumq8d9ade8ivvb 4 308081 3949350 2026-06-06T00:00:00Z Kalki 71 Created page with "{{Wikiquote:Quote of the day/Template | image1 = Pierre Corneille 2.jpg | image1px = 226px | image2 = Arco iris circular.JPG | image2px = 292px | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> -->The [[manner]] of giving is [[worth]] more than the [[gift]]. | author = Pierre Corneille }}" 3949350 wikitext text/x-wiki {{Wikiquote:Quote of the day/Template | image1 = Pierre Corneille 2.jpg | image1px = 226px | image2 = Arco iris circular.JPG | image2px = 292px | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> -->The [[manner]] of giving is [[worth]] more than the [[gift]]. | author = Pierre Corneille }} jpe0u0xvh0ajlb8qjsgpdb87h0kfpim 3949351 3949350 2026-06-06T00:02:28Z Kalki 71 3949351 wikitext text/x-wiki {{Wikiquote:Quote of the day/Template | image1 = Pierre Corneille 2.jpg | image1px = 222px | image2 = Arco iris circular.JPG | image2px = 292px | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> -->The [[manner]] of giving is [[worth]] more than the [[gift]]. | author = Pierre Corneille }} 4s173k7c8aato21t8fd5cho1lu4rw9f 0 308082 3949375 2026-06-06T01:02:06Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 Created page with "'''''[[w:Chainsaw Man|Chainsaw Man]]''''' is a Japanese manga series. ==Dialogue== *'''Denji''': If dreams do come true, I wanna hug a girl before I die. *'''Aki Hayakawa''': Enemies are enemies... We're only using them. I have no intention of getting friendly with one! *'''Power''': Postrate yourselves, humans! For I am Power! Are you to be my so-called partner? ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Anime_and_manga_series]] [[Category:Action_TV_shows]] Catego..." 3949375 wikitext text/x-wiki '''''[[w:Chainsaw Man|Chainsaw Man]]''''' is a Japanese manga series. ==Dialogue== *'''Denji''': If dreams do come true, I wanna hug a girl before I die. *'''Aki Hayakawa''': Enemies are enemies... We're only using them. I have no intention of getting friendly with one! *'''Power''': Postrate yourselves, humans! For I am Power! Are you to be my so-called partner? ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Anime_and_manga_series]] [[Category:Action_TV_shows]] [[Category:Horror_TV_shows]] [[Category:Criminal_comedy_TV_shows]] [[Category:Black_comedy_TV_shows]] [[Category:Fiction about assassination]] n1093qjkgg9jfc46h7bdvgv5xjr7kzp 3949376 3949375 2026-06-06T01:03:01Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949376 wikitext text/x-wiki '''''[[w:Chainsaw Man|Chainsaw Man]]''''' is a Japanese manga series created by [[w:Tatsuki Fujimoto|Tatsuki Fujimoto]]. ==Dialogue== *'''Denji''': If dreams do come true, I wanna hug a girl before I die. *'''Aki Hayakawa''': Enemies are enemies... We're only using them. I have no intention of getting friendly with one! *'''Power''': Postrate yourselves, humans! For I am Power! Are you to be my so-called partner? ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Anime_and_manga_series]] [[Category:Action_TV_shows]] [[Category:Horror_TV_shows]] [[Category:Criminal_comedy_TV_shows]] [[Category:Black_comedy_TV_shows]] [[Category:Fiction about assassination]] kvbvekj2g1tu9p2s7jlalq8mnmi1emz 3949377 3949376 2026-06-06T01:04:26Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949377 wikitext text/x-wiki '''''[[w:Chainsaw Man|Chainsaw Man]]''''' is a Japanese manga series created by '''[[w:Tatsuki Fujimoto|Tatsuki Fujimoto]]'''. ==Dialogue== *'''Denji''': If dreams do come true, I wanna hug a girl before I die. *'''Aki Hayakawa''': Enemies are enemies... We're only using them. I have no intention of getting friendly with one! *'''Power''': Postrate yourselves, humans! For I am Power! Are you to be my so-called partner? ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Anime_and_manga_series]] [[Category:Action_TV_shows]] [[Category:Horror_TV_shows]] [[Category:Criminal_comedy_TV_shows]] [[Category:Black_comedy_TV_shows]] [[Category:Fiction about assassination]] 4cz2azzwc9v12jgmofx2gv4anmmobev 3949383 3949377 2026-06-06T01:45:41Z 03isrflo62410 1485946 3949383 wikitext text/x-wiki {{db|lack of quotes}} '''''[[w:Chainsaw Man|Chainsaw Man]]''''' is a Japanese manga series created by '''[[w:Tatsuki Fujimoto|Tatsuki Fujimoto]]'''. ==Dialogue== *'''Denji''': If dreams do come true, I wanna hug a girl before I die. *'''Aki Hayakawa''': Enemies are enemies... We're only using them. I have no intention of getting friendly with one! *'''Power''': Postrate yourselves, humans! For I am Power! Are you to be my so-called partner? ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Anime_and_manga_series]] [[Category:Action_TV_shows]] [[Category:Horror_TV_shows]] [[Category:Criminal_comedy_TV_shows]] [[Category:Black_comedy_TV_shows]] [[Category:Fiction about assassination]] m7owtfho342g6hbdp8yfke0uhqt38ud 3949384 3949383 2026-06-06T01:51:35Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949384 wikitext text/x-wiki '''''[[w:Chainsaw Man|Chainsaw Man]]''''' is a Japanese manga series created by '''[[w:Tatsuki Fujimoto|Tatsuki Fujimoto]]'''. ==Dialogue== *'''Denji''': If dreams do come true, I wanna hug a girl before I die. *'''Aki Hayakawa''': Enemies are enemies... We're only using them. I have no intention of getting friendly with one! *'''Power''': Postrate yourselves, humans! For I am Power! Are you to be my so-called partner? *'''Makima''': Just so we're clear i'm a public safety devil hunter, I came to kill the zombie devil that was here. You have two options: either you die by my hand as a depraved devil, or you let met keep you as a human being. For the record, my pets get delicious food. ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Anime_and_manga_series]] [[Category:Japanese_TV_shows]] [[Category:Action_TV_shows]] [[Category:Horror_TV_shows]] [[Category:Criminal_comedy_TV_shows]] [[Category:Black_comedy_TV_shows]] [[Category:Fiction about assassination]] 86872fff72hwmiwfoezcaj5z90pvttz 3949385 3949384 2026-06-06T01:53:06Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949385 wikitext text/x-wiki '''''[[w:Chainsaw Man|Chainsaw Man]]''''' is a Japanese manga series created by '''[[w:Tatsuki Fujimoto|Tatsuki Fujimoto]]'''. ==Dialogue== *'''Denji''': If dreams do come true, I wanna hug a girl before I die. *'''Aki Hayakawa''': Enemies are enemies... We're only using them. I have no intention of getting friendly with one! *'''Power''': Postrate yourselves, humans! For I am Power! Are you to be my so-called partner? *'''Makima''': Just so we're clear I'm a public safety devil hunter, I came to kill the zombie devil that was here. You have two options: either you die by my hand as a depraved devil, or you let met keep you as a human being. For the record, my pets get delicious food. ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Anime_and_manga_series]] [[Category:Japanese_TV_shows]] [[Category:Action_TV_shows]] [[Category:Horror_TV_shows]] [[Category:Criminal_comedy_TV_shows]] [[Category:Black_comedy_TV_shows]] [[Category:Fiction about assassination]] 7vemjzjx0yajinoggux4hid73ut97l5 3949387 3949385 2026-06-06T02:00:14Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 3949387 wikitext text/x-wiki '''''[[w:Chainsaw Man|Chainsaw Man]]''''' is a Japanese manga series created by '''[[w:Tatsuki Fujimoto|Tatsuki Fujimoto]]'''. ==Dialogue== *'''Denji''': If dreams do come true, I wanna hug a girl before I die. *'''Aki''': Enemies are enemies... We're only using them. I have no intention of getting friendly with one! *'''Power''': Postrate yourselves, humans! For I am Power! Are you to be my so-called partner? *'''Makima''': Just so we're clear I'm a public safety devil hunter, I came to kill the zombie devil that was here. You have two options: either you die by my hand as a depraved devil, or you let met keep you as a human being. For the record, my pets get delicious food. ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Anime_and_manga_series]] [[Category:Japanese_TV_shows]] [[Category:Action_TV_shows]] [[Category:Horror_TV_shows]] [[Category:Criminal_comedy_TV_shows]] [[Category:Black_comedy_TV_shows]] [[Category:Fiction about assassination]] pww8rjgbfbd26588j2cs1uwfik8882m 0 308083 3949392 2026-06-06T02:32:25Z ~2026-32530-53 3333940 Created page with "'''''[[w:Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba|Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba]]''''' is a Japanese manga series created by '''[[w:Koyoharu Gotouge|Koyoharu Gotouge]]'''. ==Dialogue== *'''Tanjiro''': Never again will I let anyone suffer the way we did! NO ONE should have to bear that kind of grief. *'''Nezuko''': Humans are to be protected and saved. Never hurt them. I will never hurt them. *'''Zenitsu''': Tanjiro.. The box... I protected it... you told me this was more importa..." 3949392 wikitext text/x-wiki '''''[[w:Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba|Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba]]''''' is a Japanese manga series created by '''[[w:Koyoharu Gotouge|Koyoharu Gotouge]]'''. ==Dialogue== *'''Tanjiro''': Never again will I let anyone suffer the way we did! NO ONE should have to bear that kind of grief. *'''Nezuko''': Humans are to be protected and saved. Never hurt them. I will never hurt them. *'''Zenitsu''': Tanjiro.. The box... I protected it... you told me this was more important to you.. than your own life. That's why I did it. *'''Inosuke''': What's going on with this man... He is wearing a pig head and he is carrying blades. ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Anime_and_manga_series]] [[Category:Japanese_TV_shows]] [[Category:Action_TV_shows]] [[Category:Adventure_TV_shows]] [[Category:Fantasy_comedy_TV_shows]] 3qh9fgqw0qbgqh4lpmwbgnvrjmmv00i 3949403 3949392 2026-06-06T03:20:16Z 03isrflo62410 1485946 3949403 wikitext text/x-wiki {{db|Lack of quotes}} '''''[[w:Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba|Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba]]''''' is a Japanese manga series created by '''[[w:Koyoharu Gotouge|Koyoharu Gotouge]]'''. ==Dialogue== *'''Tanjiro''': Never again will I let anyone suffer the way we did! NO ONE should have to bear that kind of grief. *'''Nezuko''': Humans are to be protected and saved. Never hurt them. I will never hurt them. *'''Zenitsu''': Tanjiro.. The box... I protected it... you told me this was more important to you.. than your own life. That's why I did it. *'''Inosuke''': What's going on with this man... He is wearing a pig head and he is carrying blades. ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Anime_and_manga_series]] [[Category:Japanese_TV_shows]] [[Category:Action_TV_shows]] [[Category:Adventure_TV_shows]] [[Category:Fantasy_comedy_TV_shows]] 1o9gul0hljhfblri03oq27aewpnkzs4 3949404 3949403 2026-06-06T03:20:42Z 03isrflo62410 1485946 3949404 wikitext text/x-wiki {{db|quotability issues}} '''''[[w:Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba|Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba]]''''' is a Japanese manga series created by '''[[w:Koyoharu Gotouge|Koyoharu Gotouge]]'''. ==Dialogue== *'''Tanjiro''': Never again will I let anyone suffer the way we did! NO ONE should have to bear that kind of grief. *'''Nezuko''': Humans are to be protected and saved. Never hurt them. I will never hurt them. *'''Zenitsu''': Tanjiro.. The box... I protected it... you told me this was more important to you.. than your own life. That's why I did it. *'''Inosuke''': What's going on with this man... He is wearing a pig head and he is carrying blades. ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Anime_and_manga_series]] [[Category:Japanese_TV_shows]] [[Category:Action_TV_shows]] [[Category:Adventure_TV_shows]] [[Category:Fantasy_comedy_TV_shows]] ke5jxkwa9kqa3llkyeixioc8t7ruxyv 0 308085 3949433 2026-06-06T06:11:26Z Juustila 3287246 /* */ creating article 3949433 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mannerheim1940.jpg|thumb|180px|Mannerheim in 1940.]] '''Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim''' (4 June 1867 – 27 January 1951) was a Finnish military commander and statesman. He served as the military leader of the Whites in the Finnish Civil War (1918), as regent of Finland (1918–1919), as commander-in-chief of the Finnish Defence Forces during [[World War II]] (1939–1945), and as the president of Finland (1944–1946). He became Finland's only field marshal in 1933 and was appointed honorary Marshal of Finland in 1942. ==Quotes== * I welcome you, Jaegers, to the fatherland. At a time when the fate of the fatherland seemed most bleak, you young people believed in its future. You sacrificed your home, your happiness, everything, in order to build a great and happy future for our unfortunate country. And your guiding star has not led you astray. ** Mannerheim's speech to the Jaegers in Vaasa in 1918.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.hs.fi/kulttuuri/artikkeli/Mannerheimin+puhe+j%C3%A4%C3%A4k%C3%A4reille+Vaasassa/1135236871766|title=Mannerheimin puhe jääkäreille Vaasassa|work=Helsingin Sanomat|date=3 June 2008|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> * The brave soldiers of Finland! I undertake this task at a time when our centuries-old enemy is once again attacking our country. Trust in the commander is the first condition for success. You know me and I know you, and I know that each of you is ready to fulfill your duty until death. This war is nothing more than the continuation and final act of our War of Independence. We are fighting for home, religion, and the Fatherland. ** Mannerheim's first daily order after President Kyösti Kallio appointed him as Commander-in-Chief of the Finnish Defence Forces.<ref name="dailyorder">{{cite web|url=http://www.mannerheim-museo.fi/mm.php?page=paivakaskyt|title=Ylipäällikön päiväkäskyt|website=Mannerheim Museum|publisher=Mannerheim Foundation|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> * Soldiers! I have fought on many battlefields, but I have not yet seen warriors like you. I am proud of you as if you were my own children, as proud of a man of the fells in the North as of a son of the plains of Ostrobothnia, the forests of Karelia, the hills of Savo, the fertile fields of Häme and Satakunta, the temperate groves of Uusimaa and Southwest Finland. I am as proud of the sacrifice offered by a son of a poor hut as by a rich one. ** Mannerheim after the end of the Winter War on March 14, 1940.<ref name="dailyorder"/> ==References== {{reflist}} ==External links== {{commonscat-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} {{wikipedia-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} * [https://mannerheim.fi/ Mannerheim.fi] {{DEFAULTSORT:Mannerheim, Carl Gustaf Emil}} [[Category:Military leaders]] [[Category:Presidents of Finland]] [[Category:1867 births]] [[Category:1951 deaths]] 1eh1se4ihg6lgtwnkmhwuyim0ttucyw 3949434 3949433 2026-06-06T06:11:55Z Juustila 3287246 /* Quotes */ 3949434 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mannerheim1940.jpg|thumb|180px|Mannerheim in 1940.]] '''Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim''' (4 June 1867 – 27 January 1951) was a Finnish military commander and statesman. He served as the military leader of the Whites in the Finnish Civil War (1918), as regent of Finland (1918–1919), as commander-in-chief of the Finnish Defence Forces during [[World War II]] (1939–1945), and as the president of Finland (1944–1946). He became Finland's only field marshal in 1933 and was appointed honorary Marshal of Finland in 1942. ==Quotes== * I welcome you, Jaegers, to the fatherland. At a time when the fate of the fatherland seemed most bleak, you young people believed in its future. You sacrificed your home, your happiness, everything, in order to build a great and happy future for our unfortunate country. And your guiding star has not led you astray. ** Mannerheim's speech to the Jaegers in Vaasa in 1918.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.hs.fi/kulttuuri/artikkeli/Mannerheimin+puhe+j%C3%A4%C3%A4k%C3%A4reille+Vaasassa/1135236871766|title=Mannerheimin puhe jääkäreille Vaasassa|work=Helsingin Sanomat|date=3 June 2008|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> ===Daily orders=== * The brave soldiers of Finland! I undertake this task at a time when our centuries-old enemy is once again attacking our country. Trust in the commander is the first condition for success. You know me and I know you, and I know that each of you is ready to fulfill your duty until death. This war is nothing more than the continuation and final act of our War of Independence. We are fighting for home, religion, and the Fatherland. ** Mannerheim's first daily order after President Kyösti Kallio appointed him as Commander-in-Chief of the Finnish Defence Forces.<ref name="dailyorder">{{cite web|url=http://www.mannerheim-museo.fi/mm.php?page=paivakaskyt|title=Ylipäällikön päiväkäskyt|website=Mannerheim Museum|publisher=Mannerheim Foundation|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> * Soldiers! I have fought on many battlefields, but I have not yet seen warriors like you. I am proud of you as if you were my own children, as proud of a man of the fells in the North as of a son of the plains of Ostrobothnia, the forests of Karelia, the hills of Savo, the fertile fields of Häme and Satakunta, the temperate groves of Uusimaa and Southwest Finland. I am as proud of the sacrifice offered by a son of a poor hut as by a rich one. ** Mannerheim after the end of the Winter War on March 14, 1940.<ref name="dailyorder"/> ==References== {{reflist}} ==External links== {{commonscat-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} {{wikipedia-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} * [https://mannerheim.fi/ Mannerheim.fi] {{DEFAULTSORT:Mannerheim, Carl Gustaf Emil}} [[Category:Military leaders]] [[Category:Presidents of Finland]] [[Category:1867 births]] [[Category:1951 deaths]] iu9w97pijjy9orm7m9ponao9x48jmtg 3949442 3949434 2026-06-06T06:24:56Z Juustila 3287246 /* Daily orders */ fixing source link 3949442 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mannerheim1940.jpg|thumb|180px|Mannerheim in 1940.]] '''Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim''' (4 June 1867 – 27 January 1951) was a Finnish military commander and statesman. He served as the military leader of the Whites in the Finnish Civil War (1918), as regent of Finland (1918–1919), as commander-in-chief of the Finnish Defence Forces during [[World War II]] (1939–1945), and as the president of Finland (1944–1946). He became Finland's only field marshal in 1933 and was appointed honorary Marshal of Finland in 1942. ==Quotes== * I welcome you, Jaegers, to the fatherland. At a time when the fate of the fatherland seemed most bleak, you young people believed in its future. You sacrificed your home, your happiness, everything, in order to build a great and happy future for our unfortunate country. And your guiding star has not led you astray. ** Mannerheim's speech to the Jaegers in Vaasa in 1918.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.hs.fi/kulttuuri/artikkeli/Mannerheimin+puhe+j%C3%A4%C3%A4k%C3%A4reille+Vaasassa/1135236871766|title=Mannerheimin puhe jääkäreille Vaasassa|work=Helsingin Sanomat|date=3 June 2008|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> ===Daily orders=== * The brave soldiers of Finland! I undertake this task at a time when our centuries-old enemy is once again attacking our country. Trust in the commander is the first condition for success. You know me and I know you, and I know that each of you is ready to fulfill your duty until death. This war is nothing more than the continuation and final act of our War of Independence. We are fighting for home, religion, and the Fatherland. ** Mannerheim's first daily order after President Kyösti Kallio appointed him as Commander-in-Chief of the Finnish Defence Forces.<ref name="dailyorder">{{cite web|url=https://www.mannerheim.fi/pkaskyt/s_paiva.htm|title=Ylipäällikön päiväkäskyt|website=mannerheim.fi|publisher=Mannerheim Foundation|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> * Soldiers! I have fought on many battlefields, but I have not yet seen warriors like you. I am proud of you as if you were my own children, as proud of a man of the fells in the North as of a son of the plains of Ostrobothnia, the forests of Karelia, the hills of Savo, the fertile fields of Häme and Satakunta, the temperate groves of Uusimaa and Southwest Finland. I am as proud of the sacrifice offered by a son of a poor hut as by a rich one. ** Mannerheim after the end of the Winter War on March 14, 1940.<ref name="dailyorder"/> ==References== {{reflist}} ==External links== {{commonscat-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} {{wikipedia-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} * [https://mannerheim.fi/ Mannerheim.fi] {{DEFAULTSORT:Mannerheim, Carl Gustaf Emil}} [[Category:Military leaders]] [[Category:Presidents of Finland]] [[Category:1867 births]] [[Category:1951 deaths]] 14qmbl81fr8pwcigtibk75kkfbzeugt 3949443 3949442 2026-06-06T06:26:51Z Juustila 3287246 /* Quotes */ fixing source link 3949443 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mannerheim1940.jpg|thumb|180px|Mannerheim in 1940.]] '''Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim''' (4 June 1867 – 27 January 1951) was a Finnish military commander and statesman. He served as the military leader of the Whites in the Finnish Civil War (1918), as regent of Finland (1918–1919), as commander-in-chief of the Finnish Defence Forces during [[World War II]] (1939–1945), and as the president of Finland (1944–1946). He became Finland's only field marshal in 1933 and was appointed honorary Marshal of Finland in 1942. ==Quotes== * I welcome you, Jaegers, to the fatherland. At a time when the fate of the fatherland seemed most bleak, you young people believed in its future. You sacrificed your home, your happiness, everything, in order to build a great and happy future for our unfortunate country. And your guiding star has not led you astray. ** Mannerheim's speech to the Jaegers in Vaasa in 1918.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.is.fi/kotimaa/art-2000000122871.html|title=Mannerheimin puhe jääkäreille löytyi|work=Ilta-Sanomat|date=3 June 2008|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> ===Daily orders=== * The brave soldiers of Finland! I undertake this task at a time when our centuries-old enemy is once again attacking our country. Trust in the commander is the first condition for success. You know me and I know you, and I know that each of you is ready to fulfill your duty until death. This war is nothing more than the continuation and final act of our War of Independence. We are fighting for home, religion, and the Fatherland. ** Mannerheim's first daily order after President Kyösti Kallio appointed him as Commander-in-Chief of the Finnish Defence Forces.<ref name="dailyorder">{{cite web|url=https://www.mannerheim.fi/pkaskyt/s_paiva.htm|title=Ylipäällikön päiväkäskyt|website=mannerheim.fi|publisher=Mannerheim Foundation|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> * Soldiers! I have fought on many battlefields, but I have not yet seen warriors like you. I am proud of you as if you were my own children, as proud of a man of the fells in the North as of a son of the plains of Ostrobothnia, the forests of Karelia, the hills of Savo, the fertile fields of Häme and Satakunta, the temperate groves of Uusimaa and Southwest Finland. I am as proud of the sacrifice offered by a son of a poor hut as by a rich one. ** Mannerheim after the end of the Winter War on March 14, 1940.<ref name="dailyorder"/> ==References== {{reflist}} ==External links== {{commonscat-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} {{wikipedia-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} * [https://mannerheim.fi/ Mannerheim.fi] {{DEFAULTSORT:Mannerheim, Carl Gustaf Emil}} [[Category:Military leaders]] [[Category:Presidents of Finland]] [[Category:1867 births]] [[Category:1951 deaths]] m2wbnsg5wzx7o2lxjjdmtd6xlgrwunk 3949467 3949443 2026-06-06T07:26:25Z Juustila 3287246 /* Daily orders */ update 3949467 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mannerheim1940.jpg|thumb|180px|Mannerheim in 1940.]] '''Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim''' (4 June 1867 – 27 January 1951) was a Finnish military commander and statesman. He served as the military leader of the Whites in the Finnish Civil War (1918), as regent of Finland (1918–1919), as commander-in-chief of the Finnish Defence Forces during [[World War II]] (1939–1945), and as the president of Finland (1944–1946). He became Finland's only field marshal in 1933 and was appointed honorary Marshal of Finland in 1942. ==Quotes== * I welcome you, Jaegers, to the fatherland. At a time when the fate of the fatherland seemed most bleak, you young people believed in its future. You sacrificed your home, your happiness, everything, in order to build a great and happy future for our unfortunate country. And your guiding star has not led you astray. ** Mannerheim's speech to the Jaegers in Vaasa in 1918.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.is.fi/kotimaa/art-2000000122871.html|title=Mannerheimin puhe jääkäreille löytyi|work=Ilta-Sanomat|date=3 June 2008|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> ===Daily orders=== * The brave soldiers of Finland! I undertake this task at a time when our centuries-old enemy is once again attacking our country. Trust in the commander is the first condition for success. You know me and I know you, and I know that each of you is ready to fulfill your duty until death. This war is nothing more than the continuation and final act of our War of Independence. We are fighting for home, religion, and the Fatherland. ** Mannerheim's first daily order after President Kyösti Kallio appointed him as Commander-in-Chief of the Finnish Defence Forces in November 1939.<ref name="dailyorder">{{cite web|url=https://www.mannerheim.fi/pkaskyt/s_paiva.htm|title=Ylipäällikön päiväkäskyt|website=mannerheim.fi|publisher=Mannerheim Foundation|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref><ref>{{Cite book|year=1986|first=Stig|last=Jägerskiöld|title=Mannerheim: Marshal of Finland|location=Minneapolis|publisher=University of Minnesota Press|isbn=0-8166-1527-6|url-access=registration|url=https://archive.org/details/mannerheimmarsha00jage}}</ref> * Soldiers! I have fought on many battlefields, but I have not yet seen warriors like you. I am proud of you as if you were my own children, as proud of a man of the fells in the North as of a son of the plains of Ostrobothnia, the forests of Karelia, the hills of Savo, the fertile fields of Häme and Satakunta, the temperate groves of Uusimaa and Southwest Finland. I am as proud of the sacrifice offered by a son of a poor hut as by a rich one. ** Mannerheim after the end of the Winter War on March 14, 1940.<ref name="dailyorder"/> ==References== {{reflist}} ==External links== {{commonscat-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} {{wikipedia-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} * [https://mannerheim.fi/ Mannerheim.fi] {{DEFAULTSORT:Mannerheim, Carl Gustaf Emil}} [[Category:Military leaders]] [[Category:Presidents of Finland]] [[Category:1867 births]] [[Category:1951 deaths]] eot1889d7bl7tn6srhriwh05tcbfs2z 3949469 3949467 2026-06-06T07:29:06Z Juustila 3287246 /* Quotes */ adding quote 3949469 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mannerheim1940.jpg|thumb|180px|Mannerheim in 1940.]] '''Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim''' (4 June 1867 – 27 January 1951) was a Finnish military commander and statesman. He served as the military leader of the Whites in the Finnish Civil War (1918), as regent of Finland (1918–1919), as commander-in-chief of the Finnish Defence Forces during [[World War II]] (1939–1945), and as the president of Finland (1944–1946). He became Finland's only field marshal in 1933 and was appointed honorary Marshal of Finland in 1942. ==Quotes== * I welcome you, Jaegers, to the fatherland. At a time when the fate of the fatherland seemed most bleak, you young people believed in its future. You sacrificed your home, your happiness, everything, in order to build a great and happy future for our unfortunate country. And your guiding star has not led you astray. ** Mannerheim's speech to the Jaegers in Vaasa in 1918.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.is.fi/kotimaa/art-2000000122871.html|title=Mannerheimin puhe jääkäreille löytyi|work=Ilta-Sanomat|date=3 June 2008|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> * Forts, cannons and foreign aid will not help unless every man himself knows that he is the guard of his country. ** Mannerheim's speech to strengthen and maintain the will of the soldiers to fight.<ref>{{cite book| title=Uusi Pikkujättiläinen| page= 1022 | publisher= Werner Söderström Osakeyhtiö | year=1986| isbn = 951-0-12416-8 | language= fi}}</ref> ===Daily orders=== * The brave soldiers of Finland! I undertake this task at a time when our centuries-old enemy is once again attacking our country. Trust in the commander is the first condition for success. You know me and I know you, and I know that each of you is ready to fulfill your duty until death. This war is nothing more than the continuation and final act of our War of Independence. We are fighting for home, religion, and the Fatherland. ** Mannerheim's first daily order after President Kyösti Kallio appointed him as Commander-in-Chief of the Finnish Defence Forces in November 1939.<ref name="dailyorder">{{cite web|url=https://www.mannerheim.fi/pkaskyt/s_paiva.htm|title=Ylipäällikön päiväkäskyt|website=mannerheim.fi|publisher=Mannerheim Foundation|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref><ref>{{Cite book|year=1986|first=Stig|last=Jägerskiöld|title=Mannerheim: Marshal of Finland|location=Minneapolis|publisher=University of Minnesota Press|isbn=0-8166-1527-6|url-access=registration|url=https://archive.org/details/mannerheimmarsha00jage}}</ref> * Soldiers! I have fought on many battlefields, but I have not yet seen warriors like you. I am proud of you as if you were my own children, as proud of a man of the fells in the North as of a son of the plains of Ostrobothnia, the forests of Karelia, the hills of Savo, the fertile fields of Häme and Satakunta, the temperate groves of Uusimaa and Southwest Finland. I am as proud of the sacrifice offered by a son of a poor hut as by a rich one. ** Mannerheim after the end of the Winter War on March 14, 1940.<ref name="dailyorder"/> ==References== {{reflist}} ==External links== {{commonscat-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} {{wikipedia-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} * [https://mannerheim.fi/ Mannerheim.fi] {{DEFAULTSORT:Mannerheim, Carl Gustaf Emil}} [[Category:Military leaders]] [[Category:Presidents of Finland]] [[Category:1867 births]] [[Category:1951 deaths]] hdxyn12v4iupf6xq9f0wnnab3omr1fq 3949472 3949469 2026-06-06T07:36:18Z Juustila 3287246 /* Quotes */ adding another quote 3949472 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mannerheim1940.jpg|thumb|180px|Mannerheim in 1940.]] '''Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim''' (4 June 1867 – 27 January 1951) was a Finnish military commander and statesman. He served as the military leader of the Whites in the Finnish Civil War (1918), as regent of Finland (1918–1919), as commander-in-chief of the Finnish Defence Forces during [[World War II]] (1939–1945), and as the president of Finland (1944–1946). He became Finland's only field marshal in 1933 and was appointed honorary Marshal of Finland in 1942. ==Quotes== * I welcome you, Jaegers, to the fatherland. At a time when the fate of the fatherland seemed most bleak, you young people believed in its future. You sacrificed your home, your happiness, everything, in order to build a great and happy future for our unfortunate country. And your guiding star has not led you astray. ** Mannerheim's speech to the Jaegers in Vaasa in 1918.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.is.fi/kotimaa/art-2000000122871.html|title=Mannerheimin puhe jääkäreille löytyi|work=Ilta-Sanomat|date=3 June 2008|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> * Forts, cannons and foreign aid will not help unless every man himself knows that he is the guard of his country. ** Mannerheim's speech to strengthen and maintain the will of the soldiers to fight.<ref>{{cite book| title=Uusi Pikkujättiläinen| page= 1022 | publisher= Werner Söderström Osakeyhtiö | year=1986| isbn = 951-0-12416-8 | language= fi}}</ref> * What the bloody hell is ''he'' doing here? ** Mannerheim's reply after hearing that [[Adolf Hitler]] would be arriving to visit in Finland for Mannerheim's 75th birthday visit.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.paivanlehti.fi/mannerheim-kuuli-hitlerin-saapuvan-syntymapaivajuhliin-vad-i-helvete-gor-han-har/|Mannerheim kuuli Hitlerin saapuvan syntymäpäiväjuhliin: – "Vad i helvete gör han här?"|work=Päivänlehti|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> ===Daily orders=== * The brave soldiers of Finland! I undertake this task at a time when our centuries-old enemy is once again attacking our country. Trust in the commander is the first condition for success. You know me and I know you, and I know that each of you is ready to fulfill your duty until death. This war is nothing more than the continuation and final act of our War of Independence. We are fighting for home, religion, and the Fatherland. ** Mannerheim's first daily order after President Kyösti Kallio appointed him as Commander-in-Chief of the Finnish Defence Forces in November 1939.<ref name="dailyorder">{{cite web|url=https://www.mannerheim.fi/pkaskyt/s_paiva.htm|title=Ylipäällikön päiväkäskyt|website=mannerheim.fi|publisher=Mannerheim Foundation|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref><ref>{{Cite book|year=1986|first=Stig|last=Jägerskiöld|title=Mannerheim: Marshal of Finland|location=Minneapolis|publisher=University of Minnesota Press|isbn=0-8166-1527-6|url-access=registration|url=https://archive.org/details/mannerheimmarsha00jage}}</ref> * Soldiers! I have fought on many battlefields, but I have not yet seen warriors like you. I am proud of you as if you were my own children, as proud of a man of the fells in the North as of a son of the plains of Ostrobothnia, the forests of Karelia, the hills of Savo, the fertile fields of Häme and Satakunta, the temperate groves of Uusimaa and Southwest Finland. I am as proud of the sacrifice offered by a son of a poor hut as by a rich one. ** Mannerheim after the end of the Winter War on March 14, 1940.<ref name="dailyorder"/> ==References== {{reflist}} ==External links== {{commonscat-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} {{wikipedia-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} * [https://mannerheim.fi/ Mannerheim.fi] {{DEFAULTSORT:Mannerheim, Carl Gustaf Emil}} [[Category:Military leaders]] [[Category:Presidents of Finland]] [[Category:1867 births]] [[Category:1951 deaths]] 8c11ixhq822yybp310412y8ny9icfbj 3949474 3949472 2026-06-06T07:39:12Z Juustila 3287246 /* Quotes */ 3949474 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mannerheim1940.jpg|thumb|180px|Mannerheim in 1940.]] '''Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim''' (4 June 1867 – 27 January 1951) was a Finnish military commander and statesman. He served as the military leader of the Whites in the Finnish Civil War (1918), as regent of Finland (1918–1919), as commander-in-chief of the Finnish Defence Forces during [[World War II]] (1939–1945), and as the president of Finland (1944–1946). He became Finland's only field marshal in 1933 and was appointed honorary Marshal of Finland in 1942. ==Quotes== [[File:Hitler Mannerheim 2.jpg|thumb|180px|''"Vad i helvete gör han här?"'']] * I welcome you, Jaegers, to the fatherland. At a time when the fate of the fatherland seemed most bleak, you young people believed in its future. You sacrificed your home, your happiness, everything, in order to build a great and happy future for our unfortunate country. And your guiding star has not led you astray. ** Mannerheim's speech to the Jaegers in Vaasa in 1918.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.is.fi/kotimaa/art-2000000122871.html|title=Mannerheimin puhe jääkäreille löytyi|work=Ilta-Sanomat|date=3 June 2008|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> * Forts, cannons and foreign aid will not help unless every man himself knows that he is the guard of his country. ** Mannerheim's speech to strengthen and maintain the will of the soldiers to fight.<ref>{{cite book| title=Uusi Pikkujättiläinen| page= 1022 | publisher= Werner Söderström Osakeyhtiö | year=1986| isbn = 951-0-12416-8 | language= fi}}</ref> * What the bloody hell is ''he'' doing here? ** Mannerheim's reply after hearing that [[Adolf Hitler]] would be arriving to visit in Finland for Mannerheim's 75th birthday visit.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.paivanlehti.fi/mannerheim-kuuli-hitlerin-saapuvan-syntymapaivajuhliin-vad-i-helvete-gor-han-har/|Mannerheim kuuli Hitlerin saapuvan syntymäpäiväjuhliin: – "Vad i helvete gör han här?"|work=Päivänlehti|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> ===Daily orders=== * The brave soldiers of Finland! I undertake this task at a time when our centuries-old enemy is once again attacking our country. Trust in the commander is the first condition for success. You know me and I know you, and I know that each of you is ready to fulfill your duty until death. This war is nothing more than the continuation and final act of our War of Independence. We are fighting for home, religion, and the Fatherland. ** Mannerheim's first daily order after President Kyösti Kallio appointed him as Commander-in-Chief of the Finnish Defence Forces in November 1939.<ref name="dailyorder">{{cite web|url=https://www.mannerheim.fi/pkaskyt/s_paiva.htm|title=Ylipäällikön päiväkäskyt|website=mannerheim.fi|publisher=Mannerheim Foundation|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref><ref>{{Cite book|year=1986|first=Stig|last=Jägerskiöld|title=Mannerheim: Marshal of Finland|location=Minneapolis|publisher=University of Minnesota Press|isbn=0-8166-1527-6|url-access=registration|url=https://archive.org/details/mannerheimmarsha00jage}}</ref> * Soldiers! I have fought on many battlefields, but I have not yet seen warriors like you. I am proud of you as if you were my own children, as proud of a man of the fells in the North as of a son of the plains of Ostrobothnia, the forests of Karelia, the hills of Savo, the fertile fields of Häme and Satakunta, the temperate groves of Uusimaa and Southwest Finland. I am as proud of the sacrifice offered by a son of a poor hut as by a rich one. ** Mannerheim after the end of the Winter War on March 14, 1940.<ref name="dailyorder"/> ==References== {{reflist}} ==External links== {{commonscat-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} {{wikipedia-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} * [https://mannerheim.fi/ Mannerheim.fi] {{DEFAULTSORT:Mannerheim, Carl Gustaf Emil}} [[Category:Military leaders]] [[Category:Presidents of Finland]] [[Category:1867 births]] [[Category:1951 deaths]] 2ht3m7qsfte6iwxwzejjecqzcn46ume 3949475 3949474 2026-06-06T07:43:50Z Juustila 3287246 /* */ 3949475 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mannerheim1940.jpg|thumb|180px|"I will not sheathe my sword until Finland and East Karelia are free."<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.verkkouutiset.fi/a/tanaan-80-vuotta-legendaarisesta-paivakaskysta/#0a407416|title=Tänään 80 vuotta legendaarisesta päiväkäskystä|work=Verkkouutiset|date=11 July 2021|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref>]] '''Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim''' (4 June 1867 – 27 January 1951) was a Finnish military commander and statesman. He served as the military leader of the Whites in the Finnish Civil War (1918), as regent of Finland (1918–1919), as commander-in-chief of the Finnish Defence Forces during [[World War II]] (1939–1945), and as the president of Finland (1944–1946). He became Finland's only field marshal in 1933 and was appointed honorary Marshal of Finland in 1942. ==Quotes== [[File:Hitler Mannerheim 2.jpg|thumb|180px|''"Vad i helvete gör han här?"'']] * I welcome you, Jaegers, to the fatherland. At a time when the fate of the fatherland seemed most bleak, you young people believed in its future. You sacrificed your home, your happiness, everything, in order to build a great and happy future for our unfortunate country. And your guiding star has not led you astray. ** Mannerheim's speech to the Jaegers in Vaasa in 1918.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.is.fi/kotimaa/art-2000000122871.html|title=Mannerheimin puhe jääkäreille löytyi|work=Ilta-Sanomat|date=3 June 2008|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> * Forts, cannons and foreign aid will not help unless every man himself knows that he is the guard of his country. ** Mannerheim's speech to strengthen and maintain the will of the soldiers to fight.<ref>{{cite book| title=Uusi Pikkujättiläinen| page= 1022 | publisher= Werner Söderström Osakeyhtiö | year=1986| isbn = 951-0-12416-8 | language= fi}}</ref> * What the bloody hell is ''he'' doing here? ** Mannerheim's reply after hearing that [[Adolf Hitler]] would be arriving to visit in Finland for Mannerheim's 75th birthday visit.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.paivanlehti.fi/mannerheim-kuuli-hitlerin-saapuvan-syntymapaivajuhliin-vad-i-helvete-gor-han-har/|Mannerheim kuuli Hitlerin saapuvan syntymäpäiväjuhliin: – "Vad i helvete gör han här?"|work=Päivänlehti|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> ===Daily orders=== * The brave soldiers of Finland! I undertake this task at a time when our centuries-old enemy is once again attacking our country. Trust in the commander is the first condition for success. You know me and I know you, and I know that each of you is ready to fulfill your duty until death. This war is nothing more than the continuation and final act of our War of Independence. We are fighting for home, religion, and the Fatherland. ** Mannerheim's first daily order after President Kyösti Kallio appointed him as Commander-in-Chief of the Finnish Defence Forces in November 1939.<ref name="dailyorder">{{cite web|url=https://www.mannerheim.fi/pkaskyt/s_paiva.htm|title=Ylipäällikön päiväkäskyt|website=mannerheim.fi|publisher=Mannerheim Foundation|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref><ref>{{Cite book|year=1986|first=Stig|last=Jägerskiöld|title=Mannerheim: Marshal of Finland|location=Minneapolis|publisher=University of Minnesota Press|isbn=0-8166-1527-6|url-access=registration|url=https://archive.org/details/mannerheimmarsha00jage}}</ref> * Soldiers! I have fought on many battlefields, but I have not yet seen warriors like you. I am proud of you as if you were my own children, as proud of a man of the fells in the North as of a son of the plains of Ostrobothnia, the forests of Karelia, the hills of Savo, the fertile fields of Häme and Satakunta, the temperate groves of Uusimaa and Southwest Finland. I am as proud of the sacrifice offered by a son of a poor hut as by a rich one. ** Mannerheim after the end of the Winter War on March 14, 1940.<ref name="dailyorder"/> ==References== {{reflist}} ==External links== {{commonscat-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} {{wikipedia-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} * [https://mannerheim.fi/ Mannerheim.fi] {{DEFAULTSORT:Mannerheim, Carl Gustaf Emil}} [[Category:Military leaders]] [[Category:Presidents of Finland]] [[Category:1867 births]] [[Category:1951 deaths]] d0yg1patd24wx7ph9pmp4najgyqjhfg 3949482 3949475 2026-06-06T08:08:11Z ~2026-33548-79 3337200 /* */ 3949482 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mannerheim1940.jpg|thumb|180px|"I will not sheathe my sword until [[Finland]] and East Karelia are free."<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.verkkouutiset.fi/a/tanaan-80-vuotta-legendaarisesta-paivakaskysta/#0a407416|title=Tänään 80 vuotta legendaarisesta päiväkäskystä|work=Verkkouutiset|date=11 July 2021|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref>]] '''Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim''' (4 June 1867 – 27 January 1951) was a Finnish military commander and statesman. He served as the military leader of the Whites in the Finnish Civil War (1918), as regent of Finland (1918–1919), as commander-in-chief of the Finnish Defence Forces during [[World War II]] (1939–1945), and as the president of Finland (1944–1946). He became Finland's only field marshal in 1933 and was appointed honorary Marshal of Finland in 1942. ==Quotes== [[File:Hitler Mannerheim 2.jpg|thumb|180px|''"Vad i helvete gör han här?"'']] * I welcome you, Jaegers, to the fatherland. At a time when the fate of the fatherland seemed most bleak, you young people believed in its future. You sacrificed your home, your happiness, everything, in order to build a great and happy future for our unfortunate country. And your guiding star has not led you astray. ** Mannerheim's speech to the Jaegers in Vaasa in 1918.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.is.fi/kotimaa/art-2000000122871.html|title=Mannerheimin puhe jääkäreille löytyi|work=Ilta-Sanomat|date=3 June 2008|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> * Forts, cannons and foreign aid will not help unless every man himself knows that he is the guard of his country. ** Mannerheim's speech to strengthen and maintain the will of the soldiers to fight.<ref>{{cite book| title=Uusi Pikkujättiläinen| page= 1022 | publisher= Werner Söderström Osakeyhtiö | year=1986| isbn = 951-0-12416-8 | language= fi}}</ref> * What the bloody hell is ''he'' doing here? ** Mannerheim's reply after hearing that [[Adolf Hitler]] would be arriving to visit in Finland for Mannerheim's 75th birthday visit.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.paivanlehti.fi/mannerheim-kuuli-hitlerin-saapuvan-syntymapaivajuhliin-vad-i-helvete-gor-han-har/|Mannerheim kuuli Hitlerin saapuvan syntymäpäiväjuhliin: – "Vad i helvete gör han här?"|work=Päivänlehti|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> ===Daily orders=== * The brave soldiers of Finland! I undertake this task at a time when our centuries-old enemy is once again attacking our country. Trust in the commander is the first condition for success. You know me and I know you, and I know that each of you is ready to fulfill your duty until death. This war is nothing more than the continuation and final act of our War of Independence. We are fighting for home, religion, and the Fatherland. ** Mannerheim's first daily order after President Kyösti Kallio appointed him as Commander-in-Chief of the Finnish Defence Forces in November 1939.<ref name="dailyorder">{{cite web|url=https://www.mannerheim.fi/pkaskyt/s_paiva.htm|title=Ylipäällikön päiväkäskyt|website=mannerheim.fi|publisher=Mannerheim Foundation|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref><ref>{{Cite book|year=1986|first=Stig|last=Jägerskiöld|title=Mannerheim: Marshal of Finland|location=Minneapolis|publisher=University of Minnesota Press|isbn=0-8166-1527-6|url-access=registration|url=https://archive.org/details/mannerheimmarsha00jage}}</ref> * Soldiers! I have fought on many battlefields, but I have not yet seen warriors like you. I am proud of you as if you were my own children, as proud of a man of the fells in the North as of a son of the plains of Ostrobothnia, the forests of Karelia, the hills of Savo, the fertile fields of Häme and Satakunta, the temperate groves of Uusimaa and Southwest Finland. I am as proud of the sacrifice offered by a son of a poor hut as by a rich one. ** Mannerheim after the end of the Winter War on March 14, 1940.<ref name="dailyorder"/> ==References== {{reflist}} ==External links== {{commonscat-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} {{wikipedia-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} * [https://mannerheim.fi/ Mannerheim.fi] {{DEFAULTSORT:Mannerheim, Carl Gustaf Emil}} [[Category:Military leaders]] [[Category:Presidents of Finland]] [[Category:1867 births]] [[Category:1951 deaths]] 4p5n2go494lc4tzr1th4rh45shfp41w 3949484 3949482 2026-06-06T08:09:08Z ~2026-33548-79 3337200 /* Quotes */ 3949484 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mannerheim1940.jpg|thumb|180px|"I will not sheathe my sword until [[Finland]] and East Karelia are free."<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.verkkouutiset.fi/a/tanaan-80-vuotta-legendaarisesta-paivakaskysta/#0a407416|title=Tänään 80 vuotta legendaarisesta päiväkäskystä|work=Verkkouutiset|date=11 July 2021|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref>]] '''Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim''' (4 June 1867 – 27 January 1951) was a Finnish military commander and statesman. He served as the military leader of the Whites in the Finnish Civil War (1918), as regent of Finland (1918–1919), as commander-in-chief of the Finnish Defence Forces during [[World War II]] (1939–1945), and as the president of Finland (1944–1946). He became Finland's only field marshal in 1933 and was appointed honorary Marshal of Finland in 1942. ==Quotes== [[File:Hitler Mannerheim 2.jpg|thumb|180px|''"Vad i helvete gör [[Adolf Hitler|han]] här?"'']] * I welcome you, Jaegers, to the fatherland. At a time when the fate of the fatherland seemed most bleak, you young people believed in its future. You sacrificed your home, your happiness, everything, in order to build a great and happy future for our unfortunate country. And your guiding star has not led you astray. ** Mannerheim's speech to the Jaegers in Vaasa in 1918.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.is.fi/kotimaa/art-2000000122871.html|title=Mannerheimin puhe jääkäreille löytyi|work=Ilta-Sanomat|date=3 June 2008|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> * Forts, cannons and foreign aid will not help unless every man himself knows that he is the guard of his country. ** Mannerheim's speech to strengthen and maintain the will of the soldiers to fight.<ref>{{cite book| title=Uusi Pikkujättiläinen| page= 1022 | publisher= Werner Söderström Osakeyhtiö | year=1986| isbn = 951-0-12416-8 | language= fi}}</ref> * What the bloody hell is ''he'' doing here? ** Mannerheim's reply after hearing that [[Adolf Hitler]] would be arriving to visit in Finland for Mannerheim's 75th birthday visit.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.paivanlehti.fi/mannerheim-kuuli-hitlerin-saapuvan-syntymapaivajuhliin-vad-i-helvete-gor-han-har/|Mannerheim kuuli Hitlerin saapuvan syntymäpäiväjuhliin: – "Vad i helvete gör han här?"|work=Päivänlehti|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref> ===Daily orders=== * The brave soldiers of Finland! I undertake this task at a time when our centuries-old enemy is once again attacking our country. Trust in the commander is the first condition for success. You know me and I know you, and I know that each of you is ready to fulfill your duty until death. This war is nothing more than the continuation and final act of our War of Independence. We are fighting for home, religion, and the Fatherland. ** Mannerheim's first daily order after President Kyösti Kallio appointed him as Commander-in-Chief of the Finnish Defence Forces in November 1939.<ref name="dailyorder">{{cite web|url=https://www.mannerheim.fi/pkaskyt/s_paiva.htm|title=Ylipäällikön päiväkäskyt|website=mannerheim.fi|publisher=Mannerheim Foundation|access-date=6 June 2026|language=fi}}</ref><ref>{{Cite book|year=1986|first=Stig|last=Jägerskiöld|title=Mannerheim: Marshal of Finland|location=Minneapolis|publisher=University of Minnesota Press|isbn=0-8166-1527-6|url-access=registration|url=https://archive.org/details/mannerheimmarsha00jage}}</ref> * Soldiers! I have fought on many battlefields, but I have not yet seen warriors like you. I am proud of you as if you were my own children, as proud of a man of the fells in the North as of a son of the plains of Ostrobothnia, the forests of Karelia, the hills of Savo, the fertile fields of Häme and Satakunta, the temperate groves of Uusimaa and Southwest Finland. I am as proud of the sacrifice offered by a son of a poor hut as by a rich one. ** Mannerheim after the end of the Winter War on March 14, 1940.<ref name="dailyorder"/> ==References== {{reflist}} ==External links== {{commonscat-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} {{wikipedia-inline|Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim}} * [https://mannerheim.fi/ Mannerheim.fi] {{DEFAULTSORT:Mannerheim, Carl Gustaf Emil}} [[Category:Military leaders]] [[Category:Presidents of Finland]] [[Category:1867 births]] [[Category:1951 deaths]] qrz8bcc1wxal0nmcayiehyiwgtzr3gt 0 308086 3949440 2026-06-06T06:22:14Z Juustila 3287246 Redirected page to [[Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim]] 3949440 wikitext text/x-wiki #REDIRECT [[Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim]] {{DEFAULTSORT:Mannerheim, Gustaf}} 8v47nudbvylpnq8zgoz3xvj90esvjog 0 308087 3949477 2026-06-06T07:52:17Z Ficaia 3085955 Created page with "'''[[w:Norbert Guterman|Norbert Guterman]]''' (1900–1984) was a Polish American scholar, and translator of scholarly and literary works from French, German, Polish, Yiddish, and Latin into English. {{Stub}} == Quotes == * For my part, I simply happen to enjoy the [[Latin]] language—the sound of its vowels and the forms of its inflections, its ruggedness, its majesty, and its conciseness. Even the comparatively diffuse [[Cicero]], of whom [[Quintilian]] says that no..." 3949477 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Norbert Guterman|Norbert Guterman]]''' (1900–1984) was a Polish American scholar, and translator of scholarly and literary works from French, German, Polish, Yiddish, and Latin into English. {{Stub}} == Quotes == * For my part, I simply happen to enjoy the [[Latin]] language—the sound of its vowels and the forms of its inflections, its ruggedness, its majesty, and its conciseness. Even the comparatively diffuse [[Cicero]], of whom [[Quintilian]] says that not a word can be added to his copious flow, seems a model of economy when one reads many a modern novel, speech, critical review, or even a presidential sentence. ** ''A Book of Latin Quotations'' (Garden City, NY: Anchor Books, 1966), introduction, pp. v-vi * The passages collected in this book have been "[[quotations]]" for well over a thousand years. Many of them exist only because they were "quoted," the works from which they are taken having been lost. In the case of the most celebrated poets whose works survive ''in toto'' or nearly so, a collection of passages which have never been quoted during the last two millennia would make a very slim book indeed. ** ''A Book of Latin Quotations'' (1966), introduction, p. vi == External links == * {{Wikipedia-inline}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Guterman, Norbert}} [[Category:1900 births]] [[Category:1984 deaths]] [[Category:Translators from the United States]] [[Category:Immigrants to the United States]] [[Category:Jews from the United States]] [[Category:University of Paris alumni]] ed88jq7k2ymxph4pe8do0kdcuvjxi9q 0 308088 3949497 2026-06-06T08:32:52Z Saroj 2925457 #100wikiquotedays 3949497 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Ella Bright|Ella Bright]]''' (born November 27, 2006) is a British-American actress and singer. She began acting as a child. For her performance in the [[w:CBBC|CBBC]] adaptation of ''[[w:Malory Towers (TV series)|Malory Towers]]'' (2020–2025), she received Children's [[w:British Academy Children's Awards|BAFTA]] and [[w:Children's and Family Emmy Awards|Emmy Award]] nominations. She has since starred in the [[w:Amazon Prime Video|Prime Video]] series ''[[w:Off Campus|Off Campus]]'' (2026–present). {{actor-stub}} == Quotes == * The great thing about reading a book is that you can imagine the character in your own mind, so I felt a bit pressured to create a character that people would be happy with. Apart from that pressure, it was so incredible, and I feel very honoured to have had this opportunity. ** [https://www.bbc.co.uk/mediacentre/mediapacks/malorytowers/ella/ "Interview with Ella Bright"]. ''BBC Media Centre''. 20 March 2020. ** On playing Darrell Rivers in ''[[w:Malory Towers (TV series)|Malory Towers]]'' (2020). === Introducing Ella Bright, TV's Next Breakout Star === :<small>Baker, Jessica (11 May 2026). [https://www.whowhatwear.com/fashion/celebrity/ella-bright-off-campus "Introducing Ella Bright, TV's Next Breakout Star"]. ''Who What Wear''.</small> * I definitely relate to Hannah in so many ways. She is super quirky and fun, and she's nutty but owns it. She's very confident in the fact that that's just who she is, and I love that about her. ** On her character Hannah Wells in ''[[w:Off Campus|Off Campus]]'' (2026). * I was about to go to college, and then I got this part in this whirlwind experience, and I didn't get the opportunity to go. But I do feel I got my college experience in a weird, fun, and way cooler way than I could have ever imagined. * I love my job so much. I feel so much gratitude that I'm in this position. Just meeting new characters and keep getting to do this job would be more than a dream come true. == External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Bright, Ella}} [[Category:2006 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Actresses from London]] [[Category:Actresses from New York City]] 13ie4mv3fud4g8yjawwb7oyfkps3g6t 0 308089 3949502 2026-06-06T09:23:53Z Ficaia 3085955 copy from [[Henry Adams]] 3949502 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Mont-Saint-Michel and Chartres (1913) (14595706127).jpg|thumb|Religious art is the measure of human depth and sincerity; any triviality, any weakness, cries aloud.]] '''''[[w:Mont Saint Michel and Chartres|Mont Saint Michel and Chartres]]''''' is a book written by the American historian and scholar [[Henry Adams]]. It is a meditative reflection on medieval culture. == Quotes == === I. ''Saint Michiel de la Mer del Peril'' === * Religious art is the measure of human depth and sincerity; any triviality, any weakness, cries aloud.''' * ... taste is free, and all styles are good which amuse. === II. ''La Chanson de Roland'' === [[File:Mont-Saint-Michel and Chartres (1913) (14595496140).jpg|thumb|Our age has lost much of its ear for poetry, as it has its eye for color and line, and its taste for war and worship, wine and women.]] * To feel the art of [[w:Mont Saint-Michel|Mont Saint Michel]] and [[w:Chartres Cathedral|Chartres]] we have got to become pilgrims again. * Our age has lost much of its ear for poetry, as it has its eye for color and line, and its taste for war and worship, wine and women. === III. ''The Merveille'' === * The nineteenth century moved fast and furious, so that one who moved in it felt sometimes giddy, watching it spin; but the eleventh moved faster and more furiously still. The Norman conquest of England was an immense effort, and its consequences were far-reaching, but the first crusade was altogether the most interesting event in European history. Never has the western world shown anything like the energy and unity with which she then flung herself on the East, and for the moment made the East recoil. Barring her family quarrels, Europe was a unity then, in thought, will and object. Christianity was the unit. * The outburst of the first crusade was splendid even in a military sense, but it was great beyond comparison in its reflexion in architecture, ornament, poetry, color, religion and philosophy. Its men were astonishing, and its women were worth all the rest. * Every ounce of food must be brought from the mainland, or fished from the sea. All the tenants and their farms, their rents and contributions, must be looked after. No secular prince had a more serious task of administration, and none did it so well. Tenants always preferred an Abbot or Bishop for landlord. '''The Abbey was the highest administrative creation of the middle ages.''' * The whole [[w:Mont Saint-Michel|Mount]] still kept the grand style; it expressed the unity of Church and State, God and Man, Peace and War, Life and Death, Good and Bad; it solved the whole problem of the universe. * Even the discord of war is a detail on which the Abbey refuses to insist. Not till two centuries afterwards did the Mount take on the modern expression of war as a discord in God's providence. Then, in the early years of the fifteenth century, Abbot Pierre le Roy plastered the gate of the [[w:Châtelet|Châtelet]] as you now see it, over the sunny thirteenth-century entrance called Belle Chaise which had treated mere military construction with a sort of quiet contempt. You will know what a Châtelet is when you meet another; it frowns in a spirit quite alien to the twelfth century; it jars on the religion of the place; '''it forebodes wars of religion; dissolution of society; loss of unity; the end of a world. Nothing is sadder than the catastrophe of gothic art, religion and hope.''' === IV. ''Normandy and the Ile de France'' === * Among the unexpected revelations of [[human nature]] that suddenly astonish [[Historian|historians]], one of the least reasonable was the passionate outburst of religious devotion to the ideal of [[Femininity|feminine]] [[grace]], [[charity]] and [[love]] that took place here in [[Normandy]] while it was still a part of the [[England|English kingdom]], and flamed up into almost fanatical frenzy among the most hard-hearted and hard-headed race in Europe. * The complaint of the French artist against the Norman, is the "mesquin" treatment of dividing his tower into stories of equal height. Even in the twelfth century and in religious architecture, artists already struggled over the best solution to this peculiarly American problem of the twentieth century, and when tourists return to New York, they may look at the twenty-story towers which decorate the city, to see whether the Norman or the French plan has won; but this at least will be sure in advance:—the Norman will be the practical scheme which states the facts, and stops; while the French will be the graceful one, which states the beauties and more or less fits the facts to suit them. ** ''Mesquin'': paltry, unimaginative, prosaic * Even theologians — even the great theologians of the thirteenth century,— even [[Thomas Aquinas|Saint Thomas Aquinas]] himself — did not trust to faith alone, or assume the existence of God. === V. ''Towers and Portals'' === * For a first visit to Chartres, choose some pleasant morning when the lights are soft, for one wants to be welcome, and the Cathedral has moods, at times severe. At best, the [[w:Beauce|Beauce]] is a country none too gay. * The [[w:spire|spire]] is the simplest part of the [[w:Romanesque architecture|romanesque]] or [[w:Gothic architecture|gothic]] architecture, and needs least study in order to be felt. It is a bit of sentiment almost pure of practical purpose. It tells the whole of its story at a glance, and its story is the best that architecture had to tell, for '''it typified the aspirations of man at the moment when man's aspirations were highest.''' * First comes the central door-way, and above it is the glory of Christ, as the church at Chartres understood Christ in the year 1150; for the glories of Christ were many, and the Chartres Christ is one. Whatever Christ may have been at other churches, here, on this [[w:Portal (architecture)|portal]], he offers himself to his flock as the herald of salvation alone. Among all the imagery of these three door-ways, there is no hint of fear, punishment or damnation, and this is the note of the whole time. Before 1200, the Church seems not to have felt the need of appealing habitually to terror; the promise of hope and happiness was enough. * At Chartres Christ is identified with his Mother, the spirit of love and grace, and his Church is the [[w:Church_Triumphant|Church Triumphant]].{{pb}}Not only is Fear absent; there is not even a suggestion of pain; there is not a martyr with the symbol of his martyrdom; and what is still more striking, in the sculptured life of Christ, from the Nativity to the Ascension, which adorns the capitals of the columns, the single scene that has been omitted is the Crucifixion. There, as everywhere in this Portal, the artists seem actually to have gone out of their way to avoid a suggestion of suffering. * In the center sits [[Mary (mother of Jesus)|Mary]], with her crown on her head and her son in her lap, enthroned, receiving the homage of heaven and earth; of all time, ancient and modern; of all thought, Christian and Pagan; of all men, and all women; including if you please, your homage and mine, which she receives without question, as her due; which she cannot be said to claim, because she is above making claims; she is empress. Her left hand bore a sceptre; her right supported the child, who looks directly forward, repeating the mother's attitude, and raises his right hand to bless, while his left rests on the orb of empire. She and her child are one. * True artists, turned critics, think also less of rules than of values. * The artists and donors and priests forgot nothing which, in their judgment could set off the authority, elegance and refinement of the Queen of Heaven; even the young ladies-in-waiting are there, figured by the twelve Virtues and the fourteen Beatitudes; and indeed, though men are plenty and some of them are handsome, women give the tone, the charm, and mostly the intelligence. The court of Mary is feminine, and its charms are Grace and Love; perhaps even more grace than love, in a social sense, if you look at Beauty and Friendship among Beatitudes. === VI. ''The Virgin of Chartres'' === * If you are to get the full enjoyment of Chartres, you must, for the time, believe in Mary as [[Bernard of Clairvaux|Bernard]] and [[w:Adam of Saint Victor|Adam]] did, and feel her presence as the architects did, in every stone they placed, and in every touch they chiseled. '''You must try first to rid your mind of the traditional idea that the gothic is an intentional expression of religious gloom. The necessity for light was the motive of the gothic architects. They needed light and always more light, until they sacrificed safety and common-sense in trying to get it. They converted their walls into windows, raised their [[w:Vault (architecture)|vaults]], diminished their [[w:Pier (architecture)|piers]], until their churches could no longer stand.''' You will see the limit at [[w:Beauvais Cathedral|Beauvais]]; at Chartres we have not got so far, but even here in places where the Virgin wanted it — as above the high altar — the architect has taken all the light there was to take. * Every day, as the work went on, the Virgin was present, directing the architects, and it is this direction that we are going to study, if you have now got a realising sense of what it meant. Without this sense, the church is dead. '''Most persons of a deeply religious nature would tell you emphatically that nine churches out of ten actually were dead-born, after the thirteenth century, and that church architecture became a pure matter of mechanism or [[mathematics]]'''; but that is a question for you to decide when you come to it; and the pleasure consists not in seeing the death, but in feeling the life. === VII. ''Roses and Apses'' === * Like all great churches, that are not mere store-houses of theology, Chartres expressed, besides whatever else it meant, an emotion, the deepest man ever felt,— the struggle of his own littleness to grasp the [[infinite]]. You may, if you like, figure in it a mathematic formula of [[infinity]],— the broken arch, our finite idea of space; the spire, pointing, with its converging lines, to [[Unity]] beyond space; the sleepless, restless thrust of the vaults, telling the unsatisfied, incomplete, overstrained effort of man to rival the energy, intelligence and purpose of God. Thomas Aquinas and the [[w:Scholasticism|schoolmen]] tried to put it in words, but their church is another chapter. In act, all man's work ends there;— mathematics, physics, chemistry, dynamics, optics, every sort of machinery science may invent,— to this favor come at last, as religion and philosophy did before science was born. * The wood-carving, the glass windows, the sculpture, inside and out, were done mostly in workshops on the spot, but besides these fixed objects, precious works of the highest perfection filled the church treasuries. Their money-value was great then; it is greater now. No [[w:World's fair|world's-fair]] is likely to do better today. After five hundred years of spoliation, these objects fill museums still, and are bought with avidity at every auction [....] Royalty and feudality spent their money rather on arms and clothes. '''The Church alone was universal patron''', and the Virgin was the dictator of taste. * If you want to know what Churches were made for, come down here on some great festival of the Virgin; but come alone! That kind of knowledge cannot be taught and can seldom be shared. We are not now seeking religion; indeed, '''true religion generally comes unsought.''' We are trying only to feel gothic art. For us the world is not a schoolroom or a pulpit, but a stage, and the stage is the highest yet seen on earth. In this church the old romanesque leaps into the gothic under our eyes; of a sudden, between the portal and the shrine, the infinite rises into a new expression, always a rare and excellent miracle in thought. * True ignorance approaches the infinite more nearly than any amount of knowledge can do, and, in our case, ignorance is fortified by a certain element of nineteenth-century indifference which refuses to be interested in what it cannot understand; a violent reaction from the thirteenth century which cared little to comprehend anything except the incomprehensible. * Any woman would see at once the secret of all this ingenuity and effort. The Chartres [[w:Apse|apse]], enormous in size and width, is exquisitely lighted. Here, as everywhere throughout the church, the windows give the law, but here they actually take place of law. * The Chartres apse is as entertaining as all the other Gothic apses together, because it overrides the architect. You may, if you really have no imagination whatever, reject the idea that the Virgin herself made the plan; the feebleness of our fancy is now congenital, organic, beyond stimulant or strychnine, and we shrink like sensitive plants from the touch of a vision or spirit; but at least one can still sometimes feel a woman's taste, and in the apse of Chartres one feels nothing else. === VIII. ''The Twelfth Century Glass'' === * Among the thirteenth-century windows the Western [[w:Rose window|Rose]] alone seems to affect a rivalry in brilliance with the [[w:Lancet window|lancets]], and carries it so far that the separate medallions and pictures are quite lost,— especially in direct sunshine,— blending in a confused effect of opals, in a delirium of color and light, with a result like a cluster of stones in jewelry. Assuming as one must, in want of the artist's instruction, that he knew what he wanted to do, and did it, one must take for granted that he treated the Rose as a whole, and aimed at giving it harmony with the three precious windows beneath. The effect is that of a single large ornament; a round breastpin, or what is now called a [[w:Sunburst|sun-burst]], of jewels, with three large pendants beneath. * An artist, if good for anything, foresees what his public will see; and what his public will see is what he ought to have intended — the measure of his genius. If the public sees more than he himself did, this is his credit; if less, this is his fault. No matter how simple or ignorant we are, we ought to feel a discord or a harmony where the artist meant us to feel it, and when we see a motive, we conclude that other people have seen it before us, and that it must therefore have been intended. * Never in all these seven hundred years has one of us looked up at this Rose without feeling it to be Our Lady's promise of Paradise. * Looking carefully, one discovers at last that this gorgeous combination of all the hues of Paradise contains or hides a [[Last Judgment]] [....]{{pb}}To the Virgin and her suppliants, as to us, who though outcasts in other churches can still hope in hers, the Last Judgment was not a symbol of God's justice or man's corruption but of her own infinite mercy. The [[Trinity]] judged, through Christ;— Christ loved and pardoned, through her. She wielded the last and highest power on earth and in hell. In the glow and beauty of her nature, the light of her Son's infinite love shone as the sunlight through the glass, turning the Last Judgement itself into the highest proof of her divine and supreme authority. The rudest ruffian of the [[Middle Ages|middle-ages]], when he looked at this Last Judgment, laughed, for what was the [[Last Judgment]] to her! An ornament, a play-thing, a pleasure! a jewelled decoration which she wore on her breast! Her chief joy was to pardon; her eternal instinct was to love; her deepest passion was pity! On her imperial heart the flames of hell showed only the opaline colors of heaven. Christ the Trinity might judge as much as he pleased, but Christ the Mother would rescue; and her servants could look boldly into the flames. === IX. ''The Legendary Windows'' === * Religion is, or ought to be, a feeling. * The thirteenth century knew more about religion and decoration than the twentieth century will ever learn. === X. ''The Court of the Queen of Heaven'' === * In this excessive display of armorial bearings — for the two Roses above are crowded with them — one likes to think that these great princes had in their minds not so much the thought of '''their own importance — which is a modern sort of religion,—''' as the thought of their devotion to Mary. The assertion of power and attachment by one is met by the assertion of equal devotion by the other, and while both loudly proclaim their homage to the Virgin, each glares defiance across the church. * People who suffer beyond the formulas of expression,— who are crushed into silence, and beyond pain,— want no display of emotion,— no bleeding heart,— no weeping at the foot of the Cross,— no hysterics,— no phrases! They want to see God, and to know that he is watching over his own. === XI. ''The Three Queens'' === * The twelfth and thirteenth centuries, studied in the pure light of [[w:Political economy|political economy]], are insane. '''The scientific mind is atrophied, and suffers under inherited cerebral weakness, when it comes in contact with the [[w:Eternal feminine|eternal woman]],— [[w:Astarte|Astarte]], [[w:Isis|Isis]], [[w:Demeter|Demeter]], [[w:Aphrodite|Aphrodite]], and the last and greatest deity of all, the Virgin.''' Very rarely one lingers, with a mild sympathy, such as suits the patient student of human error, willing to be interested in what he cannot understand. Still more rarely, owing to some revival of archaic instincts, he rediscovers the woman. This is perhaps the mark of the artist alone, and his solitary privilege. The rest of us cannot feel; we can only study. '''The proper study of mankind is woman''', and, by common agreement since the time of [[w:Adam|Adam]], it is the most complex and arduous. The study of Our Lady, as shown by the art of Chartres, leads directly back to [[w:Eve|Eve]], and lays bare the whole subject of sex.{{pb}}If it were worthwhile to argue a paradox, one might maintain that nature regards the female as the essential, the male as the superfluity of her world. * The superiority of the woman was not a fancy but a fact. Man's business was to fight, or hunt, or feast or make love. The man was also the travelling partner in commerce, commonly absent from home for months together, while the woman carried on the business. The woman ruled the household and the workshop; cared for the economy; supplied the intelligence and dictated the taste. Her ascendancy was secured by her alliance with the Church, into which she sent her most intelligent children; and a priest or clerk, for the most part, counted socially as a woman. Both physically and mentally the woman was robust, as the men often complained, and she did not greatly resent being treated as a man. Sometimes the husband beat her, dragged her about by the hair, locked her up in the house; but he was quite conscious that she always got even with him in the end. As a matter of fact, probably she got more than even. On this point, history, legend, poetry, romance, and especially the popular ''[[w:Fabliau|Fabliaux]]'',— invented to amuse the gross tastes of the coarser class,— are all agreed, and one could give scores of volumes illustrating it. * The art is French, but the ideas may have come from anywhere, like the game of [[chess]] which the pilgrims or crusaders brought home from Syria. In the oriental game, the King was followed step by step by a ''Minister'' whose functions were personal. The crusaders freed the piece from control; gave it liberty to move up or down or diagonally, forwards and backwards; made it the most arbitrary and formidable champion on the board, while the King and the Knight were the most restricted in movement; and this piece they named Queen and called the Virgin. ** An early French name for the chesspiece known as the Queen was ''Fierge'' or ''Vierge'', meaning "Virgin". * For a hundred and fifty years the Virgin and Queens ruled French taste and thought so successfully that the French man has never yet quite decided whether to be more proud or ashamed of it. Life has ever since seemed a little flat to him, and art a little cheap. He saw that the woman, in elevating herself, had made him appear ridiculous, and he tried to retaliate with a wit not always sparkling, and too often at his own expense. * [[Shakespeare]] realised the thirteenth-century woman more vividly than the thirteenth-century poets ever did; but that is no new thing to say of Shakespeare. * We are concerned with the artistic and social side of life, and have only to notice the coincidence that while the Virgin was miraculously using the power of spiritual love to elevate and purify the people, [[w:Eleanor of Aquitaine|Eleanor]] and her daughters were using the power of earthly love to discipline and refine the Courts. Side by side with the crude realities about them, they insisted on teaching and enforcing an ideal that contradicted the realities, and had no value for them or for us except in the contradiction.{{pb}}The ideals of Eleanor and her daughter [[w:Marie of France, Countess of Champagne|Mary of Champagne]] were a form of religion, and if you care to see its evangels, you had best go directly to [[Dante]] and [[Petrarch]]. * Eleanor and her daughter Mary and her granddaughter [[w:Blanche of Castille|Blanche]] knew as well as [[Bernard of Clairvaux|Saint Bernard]] did, or [[Francis of Assisi|Saint Francis]], what a brute the emancipated man could be; and as though they foresaw the society of the sixteenth and eighteenth centuries, they used every terror they could invent as well as every tenderness they could invoke, to tame the beasts around them. Their charge was of manners, and to teach manners, they made a school which they called their Court of Love, with a code of law to which they gave the name of "[[w:Courtly love|courteous love]]". The decisions of this Court were recorded, like the decisions of a modern Bench, under the names of the great ladies who made them, and were enforced by the ladies of good society for whose guidance they were made. They are worth reading, and anyone who likes may read them to this day, with considerable scepticism about their genuineness. The doubt is only ignorance. '''We do not, and never can, know the twelfth-century woman, or, for that matter, any other woman''', but we do know the literature she created; we know the art she lived in, and the religion she professed. We can collect from them some idea why the Virgin Mary ruled, and what she was taken to be, by the world which worshipped her. * Courteous love was avowedly a form of drama, but not the less a force of society. Illusion for illusion, courteous love in [[w:Theobald III, Count of Champagne|Thibaut]]'s hands, or in the hands of Dante and Petrarch, was as substantial as any other convention;— the balance of trade, the rights of man, the [[w:Athanasian Vreed|Athanasian Creed]]. In that sense the illusions alone were real; if the middle-ages had reflected only what was practical, nothing would have survived for us. === XII. ''Nicolette and Marion'' === * As far as women are concerned, they seem always to have been more clean than the men, except when men painted them in colors which men liked best. Perhaps society was actually cleaner in the thirteenth century than in the sixteenth, as [[Louis IX of France|Saint Louis]] was more decent than [[Francis I of France|Francis I]], and as the [[Bathing|bath]] was habitual in the twelfth century and exceptional in the [[w:Renaissance|renaissance]]. * The ''[[w:Roman de la Rose|Roman de la Rose]]'' is the end of true mediæval poetry [...] Our age calls it false taste, and no doubt our age is right;— '''every age is right by its own standards as long as its standards amuse it.''' ** Adams specifies that he refers "only to the ''Roman'' of William of Lorris, which dates from the death of Queen Blanche and of all good things, about 1250". He describes the rather cynical continuation by Jean de Meung, about 1300, as "beyond our horizon" * The world had still a long march to make from the Rose of Queen Blanche to the guillotine of [[w:Madame du Barry|Madame du Barry]]; but the ''Roman de la Rose'' made epoch. For the first time since [[Constantine the Great|Constantine]] proclaimed the reign of Christ, a thousand years, or so, before [[w:Philip IV of France|Philip the Fair]] dethroned him, the deepest expression of social feeling ended with the word: Despair. === XIII. ''Les Miracles de Notre Dame'' === * No one has ventured to explain why the Virgin wielded exclusive power over poor and rich, sinners and saints alike. Why were all the [[Protestantism|Protestant]] churches cold failures without her help? Why could not the [[w:Holy Spirit|Holy Ghost]],— the spirit of Love and Grace,— equally answer their [[Prayer|prayers]]? Why was the Son powerless? Why was Chartres Cathedral — like [[w:Our Lady of Lourdes|Lourdes]] today — the expression of what is in substance a separate religion? Why did the gentle and gracious Virgin Mother so exasperate the [[w:Pilgrim Fathers|Pilgrim Father]]? Why was the Woman struck out of the Church and ignored in the State? These questions are not antiquarian or trifling in historical value; they tug at the very heart-strings of all that makes whatever order is in the [[cosmos]]. '''If a [[Unity]] exists, in which and towards which all energies centre, it must explain and include Duality, Diversity, Infinity,—Sex!''' * The convulsive hold which Mary to this day maintains over human imagination,— as you can see at Lourdes,— was due much less to her power of saving soul or body than to her sympathy with people who suffered under law,— divine or human,— justly or unjustly, by accident or design, by decree of God or by guile of Devil. She cared not a straw for conventional morality, and she had no notion of letting her friends be punished, to the tenth or any other generation, for the sins of their ancestors or the peccadillos of Eve. * Mary's treatment of respectable and law-abiding people who had no favors to ask, and were reasonably confident of getting to heaven by the regular judgment, without expense, rankled so deeply that three hundred years later the [[Puritanism|puritan]] reformers were not satisfied with abolishing her, but sought to abolish the woman altogether as the cause of all [[evil]] in heaven and on earth. The puritans abandoned the [[New Testament]] in order to go back to the beginning, and renew the quarrel with [[Eve]]. This is the Church's affair, not ours, and the women are competent to settle it with Church or State, without help from outside; but honest tourists are seriously interested in putting the feeling back into the dead architecture where it belongs. * If you cannot feel the color and quality,— the union of ''naïveté'' and art,— the refinement,— the infinite delicacy and tenderness — of this little poem ["Tombeor de Notre Dame"], then nothing will matter much to you; and if you can feel it, you can feel, without more assistance, the majesty of Chartres. ** The anonymous thirteenth-century poem "Tombeor de Notre Dame", of which Adams gives a fairly detailed summary, is translated in ''Of the Tumbler of Our Lady and Other Miracles'', edited by Alice Kemp-Welsh (London: Chatto & Windus, 1909). === XIV. ''Abélard'' === [[File:Edmund Blair Leighton - Abelard and his Pupil Heloise.jpg|thumb|[[Peter Abelard|Abélard]] would find most of his old problems sensitive to his touch today. [[Time]] has settled few or none of the essential points of dispute.]] * [[Peter Abelard|Abélard]] would find most of his old problems sensitive to his touch today. Time has settled few or none of the essential points of dispute. Science hesitates, more visibly than the Church ever did, to decide once for all whether Unity or Diversity is ultimate law; whether order or chaos is the governing rule of the [[Universe]], if Universe there is; whether anything except [[w:Phenomenon|phenomena]] exists. Even in matters more vital to society, one dares not speak too loud. Why, and for what, and to whom, is man a responsible agent? Every jury and judge, every lawyer and doctor, every legislator and clergyman has his own views, and the law constantly varies. Every nation may have a different system. One court may hang, and another may acquit for the same crime, on the same day; and Science only repeats what the Church said to Abélard, that where we know so little, we had better hold our tongues. * Science has become too complex to affirm the existence of universal truths, but it strives for nothing else, and disputes the problem, within its own limits, almost as earnestly as in the twelfth century, when the whole field of human and superhuman activity was shut between these barriers of [[w:Substance theory|Substance]], [[w:Problem of universals|Universals]], and [[w:Particular|Particulars]]. Little has changed except the vocabulary and the method. * ... [[Analogy|analogies]] [...] are figures intended to serve as fatal weapons if they succeed, and as innocent toys if they fail. * '''No man likes to have his intelligence or good faith questioned, especially if he has doubts about it himself.''' * Strange as the paradox seems, Saint Bernard and [[Francis Bacon|Lord Bacon]], though looking at the world from opposite stand-points, agreed in this:— that the [[w:Scholasticism|scholastic method]] was false and mischievous, and that the longer it was followed, the greater was its mischief. === XV. ''The Mystics'' === [[File:Mont-Saint-Michel and Chartres (1913) (14802088933).jpg|thumb|In essence, religion was love; in no case was it logic. Reason can reach nothing except through the senses; God, by essence, cannot be reached through the senses; if he is to be known at all, he must be known by contact of spirit with spirit, essence with essence; directly; by emotion; by ecstasy; by absorption of our existence with his; by substitution of his spirit for ours.]] * ... we must go to the poets to see what they all meant by it; but the sum is an emotion — clear and strong as love and much clearer than logic,— whose charm lies in its unstable balance. The Transition is the equilibrium between the Love of God,— which is Faith, and the Logic of God,— which is Reason; between the round arch and the pointed. One may not be sure which pleases most, but one need not be harsh towards people who think that the moment of balance is exquisite. The last and highest moment is seen at Chartres where, in 1200, the charm depends on the constant doubt whether emotion or science is uppermost. * In every age man has been apt to dream uneasily, rolling from side to side, beating against imaginary bars, unless tired out he has sunk into indifference or scepticism. '''Religious minds prefer scepticism. The true saint is a profound sceptic; a total disbeliever in human reason, who has more than once joined hands on this ground with some who were at best sinners.''' Bernard was a total disbeliever in [[w:Scholasticism|scholasticism]]; so was [[Voltaire]]. * If there was in all France, between 1140 and 1200, a more typical Englishman of the future [[Anglicanism|Church of England]] type than [[John of Salisbury]], he has left no trace; and John wrote a description of his time which makes a picturesque contrast with the picture painted by Abélard, his old master, of the century at its beginning. John weighed Abélard and the Schools against Bernard and the [[w:Cloister|Cloister]], and coolly concluded that the way to truth lay rather through [[w:Cîteaux Abbey|Citeaux]], which brought him to Chartres as Bishop in 1176, and to a mild scepticism in faith. "I prefer to doubt," he said, "rather than rashly define what is hidden." * [[Blaise Pascal|Pascal]] touched God behind the veil of [[Skepticism|scepticism]]. * In essence, religion was love; in no case was it logic. Reason can reach nothing except through the senses; God, by essence, cannot be reached through the senses; if he is to be known at all, he must be known by contact of spirit with spirit, essence with essence; directly; by emotion; by ecstasy; by absorption of our existence with his; by substitution of his spirit for ours. The world had no need to wait five hundred years longer in order to hear this same result reaffirmed by [[Blaise Pascal|Pascal]]. Saint Francis of Assisi had affirmed it loudly enough, even if the voice of Saint Bernard had been less powerful than it was. The Virgin had asserted it in tones more gentle, but anyone can still see how convincing, who stops a moment to feel the emotion that lifted her wonderful Chartres spire up to God. * Even in prose, the greatest writers have not often succeeded in stating simply and clearly the fact that Infinity can make itself finite or that Space can make itself bounds or that Eternity can generate time. In verse, [[w:Adam of Saint Victor|Adam]] did it as easily as though he were writing any other miracle. * The art of this poetry of love and hope which marked the mystics, lay of course in the background of shadows which marked the cloister. "Inter Vania nihil vanius est homine." [Among vain things nothing is more vain than man.] '''Man is an imperceptible atom always trying to become one with God.''' If ever modern science achieves a definition of Energy, possibly it may borrow the figure:—Energy is the inherent effort of every multiplicity to become unity. Adam's poetry was an expression of the effort to reach absorption through love, not through fear, but to do this thoroughly he had to make real to himself his own nothingness; most of all to annihilate pride, for the loftiest soul can comprehend that an atom — say, of hydrogen,— which is proud of its personality, will never merge in a molecule of water. * Poverty of body in itself mattered nothing; what Francis wanted was poverty of pride, and the external robe or the bare feet were outward and necessary forms of protection against its outward display. Against riches or against all external and visible vanity, rules and laws could be easily enforced if it were worth while, although the purest humility would be reached only by those who were indifferent and unconscious of their external dress; but against spiritual pride the soul is defenceless, and of all its forms the subtlest and the meanest is pride of intellect. [...] Lord Bacon held much the same opinion. [...] "Let men please themselves as they will in admiring and almost adoring the human mind, this is certain:— that, as an uneven mirror distorts the rays of objects according to its own figure and section, so the mind … cannot be trusted ..." Bacon's first object was the same as that of Francis, to humiliate and if possible destroy the pride of human reason; both of them knew that this was their most difficult task. ** The Bacon quote is from the Preface to ''[[The Great Instauration]]'' (1620) * One sees instantly that neither Francis of Assisi nor Bacon of Verulam could have hoped for peace with the Schools; twelfth-century ecstasy felt the futility of mere [[rhetoric]] quite as keenly as seventeenth-century scepticism was to feel it. * The schoolmen saw their duty in one direction; Francis saw his in another; and [...] the two paths seem to be the only roads that can exist, if man starts by taking for granted that there is an object to be reached at the end of his journey. The Church embracing all mankind, had no choice but to march with caution, seeking God by every possible means of intellect and study. Francis, acting only for himself, could throw caution aside and trust implicitly in God [....] He carried to its last point the mystical Union wth God, and its necessary consequence of contempt and hatred of human intellectual processes. Even Saint Bernard would have thought his ideas wanting in that ''mesure'' which the French mind so much prizes. At the same time we had best try, as innocently as may be, to realise that no final judgement has yet been pronounced, either by the Church or by Society or by Science, on either or any of these points; and until mankind finally settles to a certainty where it means to go, or whether it means to go anywhere,— what its object is, or whether it has an object,—Saint Francis may still prove to have been its ultimate expression. In that case, his famous Chant,— the ''[[w:Canticle of the Sun|Cantico del Sole]]'',—will be the last word of religion, as it was probably its first. === XVI. ''Saint Thomas Aquinas'' === * For summer tourists to handle these intricate problems in a [[Theology|theological]] spirit would be altogether absurd; but for us these great theologians were also architects who undertook to build a Church Intellectual, corresponding bit by bit to the Church Administrative, both expressing — and expressed by — the Church Architectural. [[w:Alexander Hales|Alexander Hales]], [[w:Albert the Great|Albert the Great]], Thomas Aquinas, [[Duns Scotus]], and the rest, were artists. * Saint Thomas is still alive and overshadows as many schools as he ever did; at all events as many as the Church maintains. He has outlived [[Descartes]] and [[Leibnitz]] and a dozen other schools of philosophy more or less serious in their day. He has mostly outived [[David Hume|Hume]], [[Voltaire]] and the militant sceptics. His method is typical and classic; his sentences, when interpreted by the Church, seem, even to an untrained mind, intelligible and consistent; his Church Intellectual remains practically unchanged, and, like the Cathedral of Beauvais, erect although the storms of six or seven centuries have prostrated, over and over again, every other social or political or juristic shelter. Compared with it, all modern systems are complex and chaotic, crowded with self-contradictions, anomalies, impracticable functions and out-worn inheritances; but beyond all their practical shortcomings is their fragmentary character. '''An economic civilisation troubles itself about the universe much as a hive of honey-bees troubles about the ocean, only as a region to be avoided. The hive of Saint Thomas sheltered God and Man, Mind and Matter, The Universe and the Atom, the One and the Multiple, within the walls of a harmonious home.''' * In Thomas's creation nothing intervened between God and his world [....] The intermediate Universals,— the [[w:Secondary causation|secondary causes]],— vanish as causes; they are, at most, sequences or relations; all merge in one universal act of will; instantaneous, infinite, eternal. * In any case God's act was the union of Mind with Matter by the same act or will which created both. No intermediate cause or condition intervened; no secondary influence had anything whatever to do with the result. [[Time]] had nothing to do with it. '''Every individual that has existed or shall exist was created by the same instantaneous act, for all time.''' "When the question regards the universal agent who produces beings ''and'' time, we cannot consider him as acting ''now'' and ''before'', according to the succession of time." God emanated time, force, matter, mind, as he might emanate gravitation, not as a part of his substance but as an energy of his will, and maintains them in their activity by the same act, not by a new one. Every individual is a part of the direct act, not a secondary outcome. * A [[Catholic Church|Church]] which embraced, with equal sympathy, and within a hundred years, the Virgin, Saint Bernard, [[w:William of Champeaux|William of Champeaux]] and the [[w:School of Saint Victor|School of Saint Victor]], [[w:Peter the Venerable|Peter the Venerable]], Saint Francis of Assisi, [[Saint Dominic]], Saint Thomas Aquinas, and [[Bonaventure|Saint Bonaventure]], was more liberal than any modern state can afford to be. Radical contradictions the State may perhaps tolerate, but never embrace or profess. Such elasticity long ago vanished from human thought. * '''God, as Descartes justly said, we know! but what is man?''' The schools answered:— Man is a rational animal! So was apparently a dog, or a bee, or a beaver, none of which seemed to need churches. Modern science, with infinite effort, has discovered and announced that man is a bewildering complex of energies, which helps little to explain his relations with the ultimate Substance or Energy or Prime Motor whose existence both Science and Schoolmen admit; which Science studies in laboratories and Religion worships in churches. The Man whom God created to fill his Church, must be an energy independent of God; otherwise God filled his own Church with his own energy. * Where, then,— in what mysterious cave outside of creation — could Man, and his [[w:Free will|free-will]], and his private world of responsibilities and duties, lie hidden? Unless Man was a free agent in a world of his own beyond constraint, the Church was a fraud, and it helped little to add that the State was another. If God was the sole and immediate cause and support of everything in his creation, God was also the cause of its defects, and could not,— being Justice and Goodness in essence,—hold Man responsible for his own omissions. Still less could the State or Church do it in his name.{{pb}}Whatever truth lies in the charge that the schools discussed futile questions by faulty methods, one cannot decently deny that in this case the question was practical and the method vital. '''[[Theism|Theist]] or [[atheist]], [[monist]] or [[anarchist]] must all admit that society and science are equally interested with theology in deciding whether the Universe is one or many, a harmony or a discord.''' The Church and State asserted that it was a harmony, and that they were its representatives. They say so still. '''Their claim led to singular but unavoidable conclusions, with which society has struggled for seven hundred years, and is still struggling.''' * Thomas [...] could offer no proof of it, but he could assume as probable a plan of good which became the more perfect for the very reason that it allowed great liberty in detail.{{pb}}One hardly feels Saint Thomas here in all his force. He offers suggestion rather than proof;—apology, the weaker because of obvious effort to apologise, rather than defence, for infinite Goodness, Justice and Power; [...] but at all events society has never done better by way of proving its right to enforce morals, or unity of opinion. Unless it asserts law, it can only assert force. * '''Mankind could not admit an anarchical,— a dual or multiple — universe. The world was there, staring them in the face, with all its chaotic conditions, and society insisted on its Unity in self-defence. Society still insists on treating it as Unity though no longer affecting logic.''' Society insists on its free will, although free will has never been explained to the satisfaction of any but those who much wish to be satisfied, and although the words in any common sense implied not unity but duality in creation. The Church had nothing to do with inventing this riddle,— the oldest that fretted mankind. ** "Affecting": making a pretence of * ... '''either the Universe was One, or it was two, or it was many; either Energy was one, seen only in powers of itself, or it was several; either God was Harmony or he was discord.''' With practical unanimity, mankind rejected the dual or multiple scheme; it insisted on Unity. Thomas took the question as it was given him. The Unity was full of defects; he did not deny them; but he claimed that they might be incidents, and that the admitted Unity might even prove their beneficence. Granting this enormous concession, he still needed a means of bringing into the system one element which vehemently refused to be brought:—that is, Man himself, who insisted that the Universe was a unit, but that he was a universe; that [[Energy]] was one, but that he was another energy; that God was omnipotent but that man was free. The contradiction had always existed, exists still, and always must exist, unless man either admits that he is a machine, or agrees that anarchy and chaos are the habit of nature, and law and order its acident. The agreement may become possible, but it was not possible in the thirteenth century nor is it now. * No one ever seriously affirmed the literal [[Free will|freedom of will]]. '''Absolute [[liberty]] is absence of restraint; [[responsibility]] is restraint; therefore the ideally free individual is responsible only to himself.''' This principle is the philosophical foundation of [[anarchism]], and, for anything that science has yet proved, may be the philosophical foundation of the [[Universe]]; but it is fatal to all society and is especially hostile to the State. Perhaps the Church of the thirteenth century might have found a way to use even this principle for a good purpose; certainly the influence of Saint Bernard was sufficiently unsocial and that of Saint Francis was sufficiently unselfish to conciliate even anarchists of the militant class. * In fact, the Church never admitted free-will, or used the word when it could be avoided. In [[Latin]], the term used was ''liberum arbitrium'',— free choice,— and in [[French language|French]] to this day it remains in strictness ''libre arbitre'' still. From [[Augustine of Hippo|Saint Augustine]] downwards the Church was never so unscientific as to admit of liberty beyond the faculty of choosing between paths, some leading through the Church and some not, but all leading to the next world. * Experience proved that man's power of choice in action was very far from absolute, and logic seemed to require that every choice should have some predetermining cause which decided the will to act. '''Science affirmed that choice was not free,— could not be free,— without abandoning the unity of force and the foundation of law. Society insisted that its choice must be left free, whatever became of science or unity.''' Saint Thomas was required to illustrate the theory of ''liberum arbitrium'' by choosing a path through these difficulies, where path there was obviously none. * With very slight straining of equivalents, Thomas might now be written thus:—{{pb}}By the term God, is meant a [[w:Unmoved mover|Prime Mover]] which supplies all energy to the universe, and acts directly on man as well as on all other creatures, moving him as a mechanical motor might do; but man, being specially provided with an organism more complex than the organisms of other creatures, enjoys an exceptional capacity for reflex action,— a power of reflexion,— which enables him within certain limits to choose between paths; and this singular capacity is called free choice or free-will. Of course, the reflexion is not choice, and though a man's mind reflected as perfectly as the facets of a lighthouse lantern, it would never reach a choice without an energy which impels it to act. [...]{{pb}}The scheme seems to differ little, and unwillingly, from a system of dynamics as modern as the [[w:Dynamo|dynamo]]. * [[Creation]] was not successive; it was one instantaneous thought and act, identical with the will, and was complete and unchangeabble from end to end, including time as one of its functions. Thomas was as clear as possible on that point:—"Supposing God wills anything in effect, he cannot will not to will it, because his will cannot change." '''He wills that some things shall be [[w:Contingency (philosophy)|contingent]] and others necessary, but he wills in the same act that the contingency shall be necessary.''' "They are contingent because God has willed them to be so, and with this object has subjected them to causes which are so." In the same way he wills that his creation shall develop itself in time and space and sequence, but he creates these conditions as well as the events. He creates the whole, in one act, complete, unchangeable, and it is then unfolded like a rolling panorama with its predetermined contingencies.{{pb}}Man's free choice—''liberum arbitrium''—falls easily into place as a predetermined [[Contingency theory|contingency]]. God is the [[w:First cause|First Cause]], and acts in all Secondary Causes directly; but while he acts mechanically on the rest of creation,—as far as is known,—he acts freely at one point, and this free action remains free as far as it extends on that line. Man's freedom derives from this source, but it is simply apparent, as far as he is a cause; it is a [...] Reflex Action of the complicated mirror [...] called Mind, and [...] an illusion arising from the extreme delicacy of the machine. * ... the quality that arouses most surprise in [[w:Thomism|Thomism]] is its astonishingly [[scientific method]]. [...] Avowedly science has aimed at nothing but the reduction of multiplicity to unity, and has excommunicated, as though it were itself a Church, anyone who doubted or disputed its object, its method, or its results. The effort is as evident and quite as laborious in modern science, starting as it does from multiplicity, as in Thomas Aquinas who started from unity, and it is necessarily less successful, for its true aims as far as it is Science and not disguised Religion, were equally attained by reaching infinite complexity; but the assertion or assumption of ultimate unity has characterised the Law of Energy as emphatically as it has characterised the definition of God in Theology. If it is a reproach to Saint Thomas, it is equally a reproach to [[James Clerk Maxwell|Clerk-Maxwell]]. In truth it is what most men admire in both — the power of broad and lofty generalisation. * To religious mystics, whose scepticism concerned chiefly themselves and their own existence, Saint Thomas's Man seemed hardly worth herding, at so much expense and trouble, into a Church where he was not eager to go. True religion felt the nearness of God without caring to see the mechanism. Mystics like Saint Bernard, Saint Francis, Saint Bonaventure or Pascal had a right to make this objection, since they got into the Church, so to speak, by breaking through the windows; but society at large accepted and retains Saint Thomas's Man much as Saint Thomas delivered him to the government; a two-sided being, free or unfree, responsible or irresponsible, an energy or a victim of energy, moved by choice or moved by compulsion, as the interests of society seemed for the moment to need. Certainly Saint Thomas lavished no excess of liberty on the Man he created, but still he was more generous than the State has ever been. Saint Thomas asked little from Man, and gave much; even as much freedom of will as the State gave or now gives; he added immortality hereafter and eternal happiness under reasonable restraints; his God watched over man's temporal welfare far more anxiously than th State has ever done, and assigned him space in the Church which he can never have in the galleries of [[Parliament of the United Kingdom|Parliament]] or [[United States Congress|Congress]]. [...] No statute law ever did as much for Man, and no social reform ever will try to do it; yet Man bitterly complained that he had not his rights, and even in the Church is still complaining, because Saint Thomas set a limit, more or less vague, to what man was obstinate in calling his freedom of will.{{pb}}Thus Saint Thomas completed his work, keeping his converging lines clear and pure throughout, and bringing them together, unbroken, in the curves that gave unity to his plan. His sense of scale and proportion was that of the great architects of his age. One might go on studying it for a life-time. * Strange as it sounds, although Man thought himself hardly treated in respect to freedom, yet, if freedom meant superiority, Man was in action much the superior of God, whose freedom suffered, from Saint Thomas, under restraints that Man never would have tolerated. Saint Thomas did not allow God even an undetermined will; he was pure Act, and as such he could not change. Man alone was, in act, allowed to change direction. What was more curious still, Man might absolutely prove his freedom by refusing to move at all; if he did not like his life, he could stop it, and habitually did so, or acquiesced in its being done for him; while God could not commit suicide or even cease for a single instant his continuous action. If Man had the singular fancy of making himself absurd,— a taste confined to himself but attested by evidence exceedingly strong,— he could be as absurd as he liked; but God could not be absurd. Saint Thomas did not allow the Deity the right to contradict himself, which is one of Man's chief pleasures. While Man enjoyed what was, for his purposes, an unlimited freedom to be wicked,— a privilege which, as both Church and State bitterlly complained and still complain, he has outrageously abused,— God was Goodness and could be nothing else. [...] In one respect, at least, Man's freedom seemed to be not relative but absolute, for his thought was an energy paying no regard to space or time or order or object or sense; but God's thought was his act and will at once; '''speaking correctly, God could not think, he is.''' Saint Thomas would not, or could not, admit that God was Necessity, as Abélard seems to have held, but he refused to tolerate the idea of a divine maniac, free from moral obligation to himself. The atmosphere of Saint Louis surrounds the God of Saint Thomas, and its pure ether shuts out the corruption and pollution to come,— the [[w:House of Valois|Valois]] and [[w:House of Bourbon|Bourbons]], the [[William of Ockham|Occam]]s and [[Thomas Hobbes|Hobbes]]'s, the [[w:Tudor dynasty|Tudors]] and the [[w:House of Medici|Medicis]] of an enlightened Europe. * From that time, the universe has steadily become more complex and less reducible to a central control. With as much obstinacy as though it were human, it has insisted on expanding its parts; with as much elusiveness as though it were feminine, it has evaded the attempt to impose on it a single will. Modern science, like modern art, tends, in practice, to drop the dogma of organic unity. Some of the mediaeval habit of mind survives, but even that is said to be yielding before the daily evidence of increasing and extending complexity. The fault, then, was not in man, if he no longer looked at science or art as an organic whole or as the expression of unity. Unity turned itself into complexity, multiplicity, variety, and even contradiction. * Naturally man tended to lose his sense of scale and relation. A straight line, or a combination of straight lines, may have still a sort of artistic unity, but what can be done in art with a series of negative symbols? Even if the negative were continuous, the artist might express at least a negation; but supposing that [[Omar Khayyám|Omar]]'s kinetic analogy of the ball and the players turned out to be a scientific formula! supposing that the highest scientific authority, in order to obtain any unity at all, had to resort to the middle-ages for an [[w:Maxwell's demon|imaginary demon]] to sort his atoms! how could art deal with such problems, and what wonder that art lost unity with philosophy and science! Art had to be confused in order to express confusion; but perhaps it was truest, so. ** Adams alludes to a well-known passage from the ''[[w:Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyám|Rubaiyat]]'' of Omar Khayyam, in [[Edward FitzGerald (poet)|Edward FitzGerald]]'s translation: **: The Ball no Question makes of Ayes and Noes,<br>But Right and Left as strikes the Player goes;<br>And He that toss'd Thee down into the Field,<br>''He'' knows about it all — H<small>E</small> knows — HE knows! * The pathetic interest of the drama deepens with every new expression, but at least you can learn from it that your parents in the nineteenth century were not to blame for losing the sense of unity in art. As early as the fourteenth century, signs of unsteadiness appeared, and, before the eighteenth century, unity became only a reminiscence. The old habit of centralising a strain at one point, and then dividing and subdividing it, and distributing it on visible lines of support to a visible foundation, disappeared in architecture soon after 1500, but lingered in theology two centuries longer, and even, in very old-fashioned communities, far down to our own time; but its values were forgotten, and it survived chiefly as a stock jest against the clergy. The passage between the two epochs is as beautiful as the [[w:Dying Slave|Slave]] of [[Michelangelo|Michael Angelo]]; but, to feel its beauty, you should see it from above, as it came from its radiant source. '''Truth, indeed, may not exist; science avers it to be only a relation; but what men took for truth stares one everywhere in the eye and begs for sympathy.''' * Granted a Church, Saint Thomas's Church was the most expressive that man has made, and the great gothic Cathedrals were its most complete expression.{{pb}}Perhaps the best proof of it is their apparent instability. Of all the elaborate symbolism which has been suggested for the gothic Cathedral, the most vital and most perfect may be that the slender ''nervure'', the springing motion of the broken arch, the leap downwards of the [[w:Flying buttress|flying buttress]],— the visible effort to throw off a visible strain,— never let us forget that Faith alone supports it, and that, if Faith fails, Heaven is lost. The equilibrium is visibly delicate beyond the line of safety; danger lurks in every stone. The peril of the heavy tower, of the restless vault, of the vagrant buttress; the uncertainty of logic, the inequalities of the [[w:Syllogism|syllogism]], the irregularities of the mental mirror,— all these haunting nightmares of the Church are expressed as strongly by the gothic Cathedral as though it had been the cry of human suffering, and as no emotion had ever been expressed before or is likely to find expression again. The delight of its aspirations is flung up to the sky. The pathos of its self-distrust and anguish of doubt, is buried in the earth as its last secret. '''You can read out of it whatever else pleases your youth and confidence; to me, this is all.''' ** The closing lines of the book. In a letter to [[William James]] (17 February 1908), Adams wrote with customary self-deprecation: "If you will read my ''Chartres'',— the last chapter is the only thing I ever wrote that I almost think good." (J. C. Levinson ''et al.'' eds., ''The Letters of Henry Adams, Volume VI: 1906–1918''. Cambridge, MA: Belknap Press, 1988, p. 121) == External links == * {{Wikipedia-inline}} ** {{Commonscat-inline}} [[Category:Literary works]] fp2aa9z2lhhpquig2kjoxb3wtu8pwg0 3949504 3949502 2026-06-06T09:27:11Z Ficaia 3085955 3949504 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Mont-Saint-Michel and Chartres (1913) (14595706127).jpg|thumb|Religious art is the measure of human depth and sincerity; any triviality, any weakness, cries aloud.]] '''''[[w:Mont Saint Michel and Chartres|Mont Saint Michel and Chartres]]''''' is a book written by the American historian and scholar [[Henry Adams]]. It is a meditative reflection on [[Middle Ages|medieval culture]]. == Quotes == === I. ''Saint Michiel de la Mer del Peril'' === * Religious art is the measure of human depth and sincerity; any triviality, any weakness, cries aloud.''' * ... taste is free, and all styles are good which amuse. === II. ''La Chanson de Roland'' === [[File:Mont-Saint-Michel and Chartres (1913) (14595496140).jpg|thumb|Our age has lost much of its ear for poetry, as it has its eye for color and line, and its taste for war and worship, wine and women.]] * To feel the art of [[w:Mont Saint-Michel|Mont Saint Michel]] and [[w:Chartres Cathedral|Chartres]] we have got to become pilgrims again. * Our age has lost much of its ear for poetry, as it has its eye for color and line, and its taste for war and worship, wine and women. === III. ''The Merveille'' === * The nineteenth century moved fast and furious, so that one who moved in it felt sometimes giddy, watching it spin; but the eleventh moved faster and more furiously still. The Norman conquest of England was an immense effort, and its consequences were far-reaching, but the first crusade was altogether the most interesting event in European history. Never has the western world shown anything like the energy and unity with which she then flung herself on the East, and for the moment made the East recoil. Barring her family quarrels, Europe was a unity then, in thought, will and object. Christianity was the unit. * The outburst of the first crusade was splendid even in a military sense, but it was great beyond comparison in its reflexion in architecture, ornament, poetry, color, religion and philosophy. Its men were astonishing, and its women were worth all the rest. * Every ounce of food must be brought from the mainland, or fished from the sea. All the tenants and their farms, their rents and contributions, must be looked after. No secular prince had a more serious task of administration, and none did it so well. Tenants always preferred an Abbot or Bishop for landlord. '''The Abbey was the highest administrative creation of the middle ages.''' * The whole [[w:Mont Saint-Michel|Mount]] still kept the grand style; it expressed the unity of Church and State, God and Man, Peace and War, Life and Death, Good and Bad; it solved the whole problem of the universe. * Even the discord of war is a detail on which the Abbey refuses to insist. Not till two centuries afterwards did the Mount take on the modern expression of war as a discord in God's providence. Then, in the early years of the fifteenth century, Abbot Pierre le Roy plastered the gate of the [[w:Châtelet|Châtelet]] as you now see it, over the sunny thirteenth-century entrance called Belle Chaise which had treated mere military construction with a sort of quiet contempt. You will know what a Châtelet is when you meet another; it frowns in a spirit quite alien to the twelfth century; it jars on the religion of the place; '''it forebodes wars of religion; dissolution of society; loss of unity; the end of a world. Nothing is sadder than the catastrophe of gothic art, religion and hope.''' === IV. ''Normandy and the Ile de France'' === * Among the unexpected revelations of [[human nature]] that suddenly astonish [[Historian|historians]], one of the least reasonable was the passionate outburst of religious devotion to the ideal of [[Femininity|feminine]] [[grace]], [[charity]] and [[love]] that took place here in [[Normandy]] while it was still a part of the [[England|English kingdom]], and flamed up into almost fanatical frenzy among the most hard-hearted and hard-headed race in Europe. * The complaint of the French artist against the Norman, is the "mesquin" treatment of dividing his tower into stories of equal height. Even in the twelfth century and in religious architecture, artists already struggled over the best solution to this peculiarly American problem of the twentieth century, and when tourists return to New York, they may look at the twenty-story towers which decorate the city, to see whether the Norman or the French plan has won; but this at least will be sure in advance:—the Norman will be the practical scheme which states the facts, and stops; while the French will be the graceful one, which states the beauties and more or less fits the facts to suit them. ** ''Mesquin'': paltry, unimaginative, prosaic * Even theologians — even the great theologians of the thirteenth century,— even [[Thomas Aquinas|Saint Thomas Aquinas]] himself — did not trust to faith alone, or assume the existence of God. === V. ''Towers and Portals'' === * For a first visit to Chartres, choose some pleasant morning when the lights are soft, for one wants to be welcome, and the Cathedral has moods, at times severe. At best, the [[w:Beauce|Beauce]] is a country none too gay. * The [[w:spire|spire]] is the simplest part of the [[w:Romanesque architecture|romanesque]] or [[w:Gothic architecture|gothic]] architecture, and needs least study in order to be felt. It is a bit of sentiment almost pure of practical purpose. It tells the whole of its story at a glance, and its story is the best that architecture had to tell, for '''it typified the aspirations of man at the moment when man's aspirations were highest.''' * First comes the central door-way, and above it is the glory of Christ, as the church at Chartres understood Christ in the year 1150; for the glories of Christ were many, and the Chartres Christ is one. Whatever Christ may have been at other churches, here, on this [[w:Portal (architecture)|portal]], he offers himself to his flock as the herald of salvation alone. Among all the imagery of these three door-ways, there is no hint of fear, punishment or damnation, and this is the note of the whole time. Before 1200, the Church seems not to have felt the need of appealing habitually to terror; the promise of hope and happiness was enough. * At Chartres Christ is identified with his Mother, the spirit of love and grace, and his Church is the [[w:Church_Triumphant|Church Triumphant]].{{pb}}Not only is Fear absent; there is not even a suggestion of pain; there is not a martyr with the symbol of his martyrdom; and what is still more striking, in the sculptured life of Christ, from the Nativity to the Ascension, which adorns the capitals of the columns, the single scene that has been omitted is the Crucifixion. There, as everywhere in this Portal, the artists seem actually to have gone out of their way to avoid a suggestion of suffering. * In the center sits [[Mary (mother of Jesus)|Mary]], with her crown on her head and her son in her lap, enthroned, receiving the homage of heaven and earth; of all time, ancient and modern; of all thought, Christian and Pagan; of all men, and all women; including if you please, your homage and mine, which she receives without question, as her due; which she cannot be said to claim, because she is above making claims; she is empress. Her left hand bore a sceptre; her right supported the child, who looks directly forward, repeating the mother's attitude, and raises his right hand to bless, while his left rests on the orb of empire. She and her child are one. * True artists, turned critics, think also less of rules than of values. * The artists and donors and priests forgot nothing which, in their judgment could set off the authority, elegance and refinement of the Queen of Heaven; even the young ladies-in-waiting are there, figured by the twelve Virtues and the fourteen Beatitudes; and indeed, though men are plenty and some of them are handsome, women give the tone, the charm, and mostly the intelligence. The court of Mary is feminine, and its charms are Grace and Love; perhaps even more grace than love, in a social sense, if you look at Beauty and Friendship among Beatitudes. === VI. ''The Virgin of Chartres'' === * If you are to get the full enjoyment of Chartres, you must, for the time, believe in Mary as [[Bernard of Clairvaux|Bernard]] and [[w:Adam of Saint Victor|Adam]] did, and feel her presence as the architects did, in every stone they placed, and in every touch they chiseled. '''You must try first to rid your mind of the traditional idea that the gothic is an intentional expression of religious gloom. The necessity for light was the motive of the gothic architects. They needed light and always more light, until they sacrificed safety and common-sense in trying to get it. They converted their walls into windows, raised their [[w:Vault (architecture)|vaults]], diminished their [[w:Pier (architecture)|piers]], until their churches could no longer stand.''' You will see the limit at [[w:Beauvais Cathedral|Beauvais]]; at Chartres we have not got so far, but even here in places where the Virgin wanted it — as above the high altar — the architect has taken all the light there was to take. * Every day, as the work went on, the Virgin was present, directing the architects, and it is this direction that we are going to study, if you have now got a realising sense of what it meant. Without this sense, the church is dead. '''Most persons of a deeply religious nature would tell you emphatically that nine churches out of ten actually were dead-born, after the thirteenth century, and that church architecture became a pure matter of mechanism or [[mathematics]]'''; but that is a question for you to decide when you come to it; and the pleasure consists not in seeing the death, but in feeling the life. === VII. ''Roses and Apses'' === * Like all great churches, that are not mere store-houses of theology, Chartres expressed, besides whatever else it meant, an emotion, the deepest man ever felt,— the struggle of his own littleness to grasp the [[infinite]]. You may, if you like, figure in it a mathematic formula of [[infinity]],— the broken arch, our finite idea of space; the spire, pointing, with its converging lines, to [[Unity]] beyond space; the sleepless, restless thrust of the vaults, telling the unsatisfied, incomplete, overstrained effort of man to rival the energy, intelligence and purpose of God. Thomas Aquinas and the [[w:Scholasticism|schoolmen]] tried to put it in words, but their church is another chapter. In act, all man's work ends there;— mathematics, physics, chemistry, dynamics, optics, every sort of machinery science may invent,— to this favor come at last, as religion and philosophy did before science was born. * The wood-carving, the glass windows, the sculpture, inside and out, were done mostly in workshops on the spot, but besides these fixed objects, precious works of the highest perfection filled the church treasuries. Their money-value was great then; it is greater now. No [[w:World's fair|world's-fair]] is likely to do better today. After five hundred years of spoliation, these objects fill museums still, and are bought with avidity at every auction [....] Royalty and feudality spent their money rather on arms and clothes. '''The Church alone was universal patron''', and the Virgin was the dictator of taste. * If you want to know what Churches were made for, come down here on some great festival of the Virgin; but come alone! That kind of knowledge cannot be taught and can seldom be shared. We are not now seeking religion; indeed, '''true religion generally comes unsought.''' We are trying only to feel gothic art. For us the world is not a schoolroom or a pulpit, but a stage, and the stage is the highest yet seen on earth. In this church the old romanesque leaps into the gothic under our eyes; of a sudden, between the portal and the shrine, the infinite rises into a new expression, always a rare and excellent miracle in thought. * True ignorance approaches the infinite more nearly than any amount of knowledge can do, and, in our case, ignorance is fortified by a certain element of nineteenth-century indifference which refuses to be interested in what it cannot understand; a violent reaction from the thirteenth century which cared little to comprehend anything except the incomprehensible. * Any woman would see at once the secret of all this ingenuity and effort. The Chartres [[w:Apse|apse]], enormous in size and width, is exquisitely lighted. Here, as everywhere throughout the church, the windows give the law, but here they actually take place of law. * The Chartres apse is as entertaining as all the other Gothic apses together, because it overrides the architect. You may, if you really have no imagination whatever, reject the idea that the Virgin herself made the plan; the feebleness of our fancy is now congenital, organic, beyond stimulant or strychnine, and we shrink like sensitive plants from the touch of a vision or spirit; but at least one can still sometimes feel a woman's taste, and in the apse of Chartres one feels nothing else. === VIII. ''The Twelfth Century Glass'' === * Among the thirteenth-century windows the Western [[w:Rose window|Rose]] alone seems to affect a rivalry in brilliance with the [[w:Lancet window|lancets]], and carries it so far that the separate medallions and pictures are quite lost,— especially in direct sunshine,— blending in a confused effect of opals, in a delirium of color and light, with a result like a cluster of stones in jewelry. Assuming as one must, in want of the artist's instruction, that he knew what he wanted to do, and did it, one must take for granted that he treated the Rose as a whole, and aimed at giving it harmony with the three precious windows beneath. The effect is that of a single large ornament; a round breastpin, or what is now called a [[w:Sunburst|sun-burst]], of jewels, with three large pendants beneath. * An artist, if good for anything, foresees what his public will see; and what his public will see is what he ought to have intended — the measure of his genius. If the public sees more than he himself did, this is his credit; if less, this is his fault. No matter how simple or ignorant we are, we ought to feel a discord or a harmony where the artist meant us to feel it, and when we see a motive, we conclude that other people have seen it before us, and that it must therefore have been intended. * Never in all these seven hundred years has one of us looked up at this Rose without feeling it to be Our Lady's promise of Paradise. * Looking carefully, one discovers at last that this gorgeous combination of all the hues of Paradise contains or hides a [[Last Judgment]] [....]{{pb}}To the Virgin and her suppliants, as to us, who though outcasts in other churches can still hope in hers, the Last Judgment was not a symbol of God's justice or man's corruption but of her own infinite mercy. The [[Trinity]] judged, through Christ;— Christ loved and pardoned, through her. She wielded the last and highest power on earth and in hell. In the glow and beauty of her nature, the light of her Son's infinite love shone as the sunlight through the glass, turning the Last Judgement itself into the highest proof of her divine and supreme authority. The rudest ruffian of the [[Middle Ages|middle-ages]], when he looked at this Last Judgment, laughed, for what was the [[Last Judgment]] to her! An ornament, a play-thing, a pleasure! a jewelled decoration which she wore on her breast! Her chief joy was to pardon; her eternal instinct was to love; her deepest passion was pity! On her imperial heart the flames of hell showed only the opaline colors of heaven. Christ the Trinity might judge as much as he pleased, but Christ the Mother would rescue; and her servants could look boldly into the flames. === IX. ''The Legendary Windows'' === * Religion is, or ought to be, a feeling. * The thirteenth century knew more about religion and decoration than the twentieth century will ever learn. === X. ''The Court of the Queen of Heaven'' === * In this excessive display of armorial bearings — for the two Roses above are crowded with them — one likes to think that these great princes had in their minds not so much the thought of '''their own importance — which is a modern sort of religion,—''' as the thought of their devotion to Mary. The assertion of power and attachment by one is met by the assertion of equal devotion by the other, and while both loudly proclaim their homage to the Virgin, each glares defiance across the church. * People who suffer beyond the formulas of expression,— who are crushed into silence, and beyond pain,— want no display of emotion,— no bleeding heart,— no weeping at the foot of the Cross,— no hysterics,— no phrases! They want to see God, and to know that he is watching over his own. === XI. ''The Three Queens'' === * The twelfth and thirteenth centuries, studied in the pure light of [[w:Political economy|political economy]], are insane. '''The scientific mind is atrophied, and suffers under inherited cerebral weakness, when it comes in contact with the [[w:Eternal feminine|eternal woman]],— [[w:Astarte|Astarte]], [[w:Isis|Isis]], [[w:Demeter|Demeter]], [[w:Aphrodite|Aphrodite]], and the last and greatest deity of all, the Virgin.''' Very rarely one lingers, with a mild sympathy, such as suits the patient student of human error, willing to be interested in what he cannot understand. Still more rarely, owing to some revival of archaic instincts, he rediscovers the woman. This is perhaps the mark of the artist alone, and his solitary privilege. The rest of us cannot feel; we can only study. '''The proper study of mankind is woman''', and, by common agreement since the time of [[w:Adam|Adam]], it is the most complex and arduous. The study of Our Lady, as shown by the art of Chartres, leads directly back to [[w:Eve|Eve]], and lays bare the whole subject of sex.{{pb}}If it were worthwhile to argue a paradox, one might maintain that nature regards the female as the essential, the male as the superfluity of her world. * The superiority of the woman was not a fancy but a fact. Man's business was to fight, or hunt, or feast or make love. The man was also the travelling partner in commerce, commonly absent from home for months together, while the woman carried on the business. The woman ruled the household and the workshop; cared for the economy; supplied the intelligence and dictated the taste. Her ascendancy was secured by her alliance with the Church, into which she sent her most intelligent children; and a priest or clerk, for the most part, counted socially as a woman. Both physically and mentally the woman was robust, as the men often complained, and she did not greatly resent being treated as a man. Sometimes the husband beat her, dragged her about by the hair, locked her up in the house; but he was quite conscious that she always got even with him in the end. As a matter of fact, probably she got more than even. On this point, history, legend, poetry, romance, and especially the popular ''[[w:Fabliau|Fabliaux]]'',— invented to amuse the gross tastes of the coarser class,— are all agreed, and one could give scores of volumes illustrating it. * The art is French, but the ideas may have come from anywhere, like the game of [[chess]] which the pilgrims or crusaders brought home from Syria. In the oriental game, the King was followed step by step by a ''Minister'' whose functions were personal. The crusaders freed the piece from control; gave it liberty to move up or down or diagonally, forwards and backwards; made it the most arbitrary and formidable champion on the board, while the King and the Knight were the most restricted in movement; and this piece they named Queen and called the Virgin. ** An early French name for the chesspiece known as the Queen was ''Fierge'' or ''Vierge'', meaning "Virgin". * For a hundred and fifty years the Virgin and Queens ruled French taste and thought so successfully that the French man has never yet quite decided whether to be more proud or ashamed of it. Life has ever since seemed a little flat to him, and art a little cheap. He saw that the woman, in elevating herself, had made him appear ridiculous, and he tried to retaliate with a wit not always sparkling, and too often at his own expense. * [[Shakespeare]] realised the thirteenth-century woman more vividly than the thirteenth-century poets ever did; but that is no new thing to say of Shakespeare. * We are concerned with the artistic and social side of life, and have only to notice the coincidence that while the Virgin was miraculously using the power of spiritual love to elevate and purify the people, [[w:Eleanor of Aquitaine|Eleanor]] and her daughters were using the power of earthly love to discipline and refine the Courts. Side by side with the crude realities about them, they insisted on teaching and enforcing an ideal that contradicted the realities, and had no value for them or for us except in the contradiction.{{pb}}The ideals of Eleanor and her daughter [[w:Marie of France, Countess of Champagne|Mary of Champagne]] were a form of religion, and if you care to see its evangels, you had best go directly to [[Dante]] and [[Petrarch]]. * Eleanor and her daughter Mary and her granddaughter [[w:Blanche of Castille|Blanche]] knew as well as [[Bernard of Clairvaux|Saint Bernard]] did, or [[Francis of Assisi|Saint Francis]], what a brute the emancipated man could be; and as though they foresaw the society of the sixteenth and eighteenth centuries, they used every terror they could invent as well as every tenderness they could invoke, to tame the beasts around them. Their charge was of manners, and to teach manners, they made a school which they called their Court of Love, with a code of law to which they gave the name of "[[w:Courtly love|courteous love]]". The decisions of this Court were recorded, like the decisions of a modern Bench, under the names of the great ladies who made them, and were enforced by the ladies of good society for whose guidance they were made. They are worth reading, and anyone who likes may read them to this day, with considerable scepticism about their genuineness. The doubt is only ignorance. '''We do not, and never can, know the twelfth-century woman, or, for that matter, any other woman''', but we do know the literature she created; we know the art she lived in, and the religion she professed. We can collect from them some idea why the Virgin Mary ruled, and what she was taken to be, by the world which worshipped her. * Courteous love was avowedly a form of drama, but not the less a force of society. Illusion for illusion, courteous love in [[w:Theobald III, Count of Champagne|Thibaut]]'s hands, or in the hands of Dante and Petrarch, was as substantial as any other convention;— the balance of trade, the rights of man, the [[w:Athanasian Vreed|Athanasian Creed]]. In that sense the illusions alone were real; if the middle-ages had reflected only what was practical, nothing would have survived for us. === XII. ''Nicolette and Marion'' === * As far as women are concerned, they seem always to have been more clean than the men, except when men painted them in colors which men liked best. Perhaps society was actually cleaner in the thirteenth century than in the sixteenth, as [[Louis IX of France|Saint Louis]] was more decent than [[Francis I of France|Francis I]], and as the [[Bathing|bath]] was habitual in the twelfth century and exceptional in the [[w:Renaissance|renaissance]]. * The ''[[w:Roman de la Rose|Roman de la Rose]]'' is the end of true mediæval poetry [...] Our age calls it false taste, and no doubt our age is right;— '''every age is right by its own standards as long as its standards amuse it.''' ** Adams specifies that he refers "only to the ''Roman'' of William of Lorris, which dates from the death of Queen Blanche and of all good things, about 1250". He describes the rather cynical continuation by Jean de Meung, about 1300, as "beyond our horizon" * The world had still a long march to make from the Rose of Queen Blanche to the guillotine of [[w:Madame du Barry|Madame du Barry]]; but the ''Roman de la Rose'' made epoch. For the first time since [[Constantine the Great|Constantine]] proclaimed the reign of Christ, a thousand years, or so, before [[w:Philip IV of France|Philip the Fair]] dethroned him, the deepest expression of social feeling ended with the word: Despair. === XIII. ''Les Miracles de Notre Dame'' === * No one has ventured to explain why the Virgin wielded exclusive power over poor and rich, sinners and saints alike. Why were all the [[Protestantism|Protestant]] churches cold failures without her help? Why could not the [[w:Holy Spirit|Holy Ghost]],— the spirit of Love and Grace,— equally answer their [[Prayer|prayers]]? Why was the Son powerless? Why was Chartres Cathedral — like [[w:Our Lady of Lourdes|Lourdes]] today — the expression of what is in substance a separate religion? Why did the gentle and gracious Virgin Mother so exasperate the [[w:Pilgrim Fathers|Pilgrim Father]]? Why was the Woman struck out of the Church and ignored in the State? These questions are not antiquarian or trifling in historical value; they tug at the very heart-strings of all that makes whatever order is in the [[cosmos]]. '''If a [[Unity]] exists, in which and towards which all energies centre, it must explain and include Duality, Diversity, Infinity,—Sex!''' * The convulsive hold which Mary to this day maintains over human imagination,— as you can see at Lourdes,— was due much less to her power of saving soul or body than to her sympathy with people who suffered under law,— divine or human,— justly or unjustly, by accident or design, by decree of God or by guile of Devil. She cared not a straw for conventional morality, and she had no notion of letting her friends be punished, to the tenth or any other generation, for the sins of their ancestors or the peccadillos of Eve. * Mary's treatment of respectable and law-abiding people who had no favors to ask, and were reasonably confident of getting to heaven by the regular judgment, without expense, rankled so deeply that three hundred years later the [[Puritanism|puritan]] reformers were not satisfied with abolishing her, but sought to abolish the woman altogether as the cause of all [[evil]] in heaven and on earth. The puritans abandoned the [[New Testament]] in order to go back to the beginning, and renew the quarrel with [[Eve]]. This is the Church's affair, not ours, and the women are competent to settle it with Church or State, without help from outside; but honest tourists are seriously interested in putting the feeling back into the dead architecture where it belongs. * If you cannot feel the color and quality,— the union of ''naïveté'' and art,— the refinement,— the infinite delicacy and tenderness — of this little poem ["Tombeor de Notre Dame"], then nothing will matter much to you; and if you can feel it, you can feel, without more assistance, the majesty of Chartres. ** The anonymous thirteenth-century poem "Tombeor de Notre Dame", of which Adams gives a fairly detailed summary, is translated in ''Of the Tumbler of Our Lady and Other Miracles'', edited by Alice Kemp-Welsh (London: Chatto & Windus, 1909). === XIV. ''Abélard'' === [[File:Edmund Blair Leighton - Abelard and his Pupil Heloise.jpg|thumb|[[Peter Abelard|Abélard]] would find most of his old problems sensitive to his touch today. [[Time]] has settled few or none of the essential points of dispute.]] * [[Peter Abelard|Abélard]] would find most of his old problems sensitive to his touch today. Time has settled few or none of the essential points of dispute. Science hesitates, more visibly than the Church ever did, to decide once for all whether Unity or Diversity is ultimate law; whether order or chaos is the governing rule of the [[Universe]], if Universe there is; whether anything except [[w:Phenomenon|phenomena]] exists. Even in matters more vital to society, one dares not speak too loud. Why, and for what, and to whom, is man a responsible agent? Every jury and judge, every lawyer and doctor, every legislator and clergyman has his own views, and the law constantly varies. Every nation may have a different system. One court may hang, and another may acquit for the same crime, on the same day; and Science only repeats what the Church said to Abélard, that where we know so little, we had better hold our tongues. * Science has become too complex to affirm the existence of universal truths, but it strives for nothing else, and disputes the problem, within its own limits, almost as earnestly as in the twelfth century, when the whole field of human and superhuman activity was shut between these barriers of [[w:Substance theory|Substance]], [[w:Problem of universals|Universals]], and [[w:Particular|Particulars]]. Little has changed except the vocabulary and the method. * ... [[Analogy|analogies]] [...] are figures intended to serve as fatal weapons if they succeed, and as innocent toys if they fail. * '''No man likes to have his intelligence or good faith questioned, especially if he has doubts about it himself.''' * Strange as the paradox seems, Saint Bernard and [[Francis Bacon|Lord Bacon]], though looking at the world from opposite stand-points, agreed in this:— that the [[w:Scholasticism|scholastic method]] was false and mischievous, and that the longer it was followed, the greater was its mischief. === XV. ''The Mystics'' === [[File:Mont-Saint-Michel and Chartres (1913) (14802088933).jpg|thumb|In essence, religion was love; in no case was it logic. Reason can reach nothing except through the senses; God, by essence, cannot be reached through the senses; if he is to be known at all, he must be known by contact of spirit with spirit, essence with essence; directly; by emotion; by ecstasy; by absorption of our existence with his; by substitution of his spirit for ours.]] * ... we must go to the poets to see what they all meant by it; but the sum is an emotion — clear and strong as love and much clearer than logic,— whose charm lies in its unstable balance. The Transition is the equilibrium between the Love of God,— which is Faith, and the Logic of God,— which is Reason; between the round arch and the pointed. One may not be sure which pleases most, but one need not be harsh towards people who think that the moment of balance is exquisite. The last and highest moment is seen at Chartres where, in 1200, the charm depends on the constant doubt whether emotion or science is uppermost. * In every age man has been apt to dream uneasily, rolling from side to side, beating against imaginary bars, unless tired out he has sunk into indifference or scepticism. '''Religious minds prefer scepticism. The true saint is a profound sceptic; a total disbeliever in human reason, who has more than once joined hands on this ground with some who were at best sinners.''' Bernard was a total disbeliever in [[w:Scholasticism|scholasticism]]; so was [[Voltaire]]. * If there was in all France, between 1140 and 1200, a more typical Englishman of the future [[Anglicanism|Church of England]] type than [[John of Salisbury]], he has left no trace; and John wrote a description of his time which makes a picturesque contrast with the picture painted by Abélard, his old master, of the century at its beginning. John weighed Abélard and the Schools against Bernard and the [[w:Cloister|Cloister]], and coolly concluded that the way to truth lay rather through [[w:Cîteaux Abbey|Citeaux]], which brought him to Chartres as Bishop in 1176, and to a mild scepticism in faith. "I prefer to doubt," he said, "rather than rashly define what is hidden." * [[Blaise Pascal|Pascal]] touched God behind the veil of [[Skepticism|scepticism]]. * In essence, religion was love; in no case was it logic. Reason can reach nothing except through the senses; God, by essence, cannot be reached through the senses; if he is to be known at all, he must be known by contact of spirit with spirit, essence with essence; directly; by emotion; by ecstasy; by absorption of our existence with his; by substitution of his spirit for ours. The world had no need to wait five hundred years longer in order to hear this same result reaffirmed by [[Blaise Pascal|Pascal]]. Saint Francis of Assisi had affirmed it loudly enough, even if the voice of Saint Bernard had been less powerful than it was. The Virgin had asserted it in tones more gentle, but anyone can still see how convincing, who stops a moment to feel the emotion that lifted her wonderful Chartres spire up to God. * Even in prose, the greatest writers have not often succeeded in stating simply and clearly the fact that Infinity can make itself finite or that Space can make itself bounds or that Eternity can generate time. In verse, [[w:Adam of Saint Victor|Adam]] did it as easily as though he were writing any other miracle. * The art of this poetry of love and hope which marked the mystics, lay of course in the background of shadows which marked the cloister. "Inter Vania nihil vanius est homine." [Among vain things nothing is more vain than man.] '''Man is an imperceptible atom always trying to become one with God.''' If ever modern science achieves a definition of Energy, possibly it may borrow the figure:—Energy is the inherent effort of every multiplicity to become unity. Adam's poetry was an expression of the effort to reach absorption through love, not through fear, but to do this thoroughly he had to make real to himself his own nothingness; most of all to annihilate pride, for the loftiest soul can comprehend that an atom — say, of hydrogen,— which is proud of its personality, will never merge in a molecule of water. * Poverty of body in itself mattered nothing; what Francis wanted was poverty of pride, and the external robe or the bare feet were outward and necessary forms of protection against its outward display. Against riches or against all external and visible vanity, rules and laws could be easily enforced if it were worth while, although the purest humility would be reached only by those who were indifferent and unconscious of their external dress; but against spiritual pride the soul is defenceless, and of all its forms the subtlest and the meanest is pride of intellect. [...] Lord Bacon held much the same opinion. [...] "Let men please themselves as they will in admiring and almost adoring the human mind, this is certain:— that, as an uneven mirror distorts the rays of objects according to its own figure and section, so the mind … cannot be trusted ..." Bacon's first object was the same as that of Francis, to humiliate and if possible destroy the pride of human reason; both of them knew that this was their most difficult task. ** The Bacon quote is from the Preface to ''[[The Great Instauration]]'' (1620) * One sees instantly that neither Francis of Assisi nor Bacon of Verulam could have hoped for peace with the Schools; twelfth-century ecstasy felt the futility of mere [[rhetoric]] quite as keenly as seventeenth-century scepticism was to feel it. * The schoolmen saw their duty in one direction; Francis saw his in another; and [...] the two paths seem to be the only roads that can exist, if man starts by taking for granted that there is an object to be reached at the end of his journey. The Church embracing all mankind, had no choice but to march with caution, seeking God by every possible means of intellect and study. Francis, acting only for himself, could throw caution aside and trust implicitly in God [....] He carried to its last point the mystical Union wth God, and its necessary consequence of contempt and hatred of human intellectual processes. Even Saint Bernard would have thought his ideas wanting in that ''mesure'' which the French mind so much prizes. At the same time we had best try, as innocently as may be, to realise that no final judgement has yet been pronounced, either by the Church or by Society or by Science, on either or any of these points; and until mankind finally settles to a certainty where it means to go, or whether it means to go anywhere,— what its object is, or whether it has an object,—Saint Francis may still prove to have been its ultimate expression. In that case, his famous Chant,— the ''[[w:Canticle of the Sun|Cantico del Sole]]'',—will be the last word of religion, as it was probably its first. === XVI. ''Saint Thomas Aquinas'' === * For summer tourists to handle these intricate problems in a [[Theology|theological]] spirit would be altogether absurd; but for us these great theologians were also architects who undertook to build a Church Intellectual, corresponding bit by bit to the Church Administrative, both expressing — and expressed by — the Church Architectural. [[w:Alexander Hales|Alexander Hales]], [[w:Albert the Great|Albert the Great]], Thomas Aquinas, [[Duns Scotus]], and the rest, were artists. * Saint Thomas is still alive and overshadows as many schools as he ever did; at all events as many as the Church maintains. He has outlived [[Descartes]] and [[Leibnitz]] and a dozen other schools of philosophy more or less serious in their day. He has mostly outived [[David Hume|Hume]], [[Voltaire]] and the militant sceptics. His method is typical and classic; his sentences, when interpreted by the Church, seem, even to an untrained mind, intelligible and consistent; his Church Intellectual remains practically unchanged, and, like the Cathedral of Beauvais, erect although the storms of six or seven centuries have prostrated, over and over again, every other social or political or juristic shelter. Compared with it, all modern systems are complex and chaotic, crowded with self-contradictions, anomalies, impracticable functions and out-worn inheritances; but beyond all their practical shortcomings is their fragmentary character. '''An economic civilisation troubles itself about the universe much as a hive of honey-bees troubles about the ocean, only as a region to be avoided. The hive of Saint Thomas sheltered God and Man, Mind and Matter, The Universe and the Atom, the One and the Multiple, within the walls of a harmonious home.''' * In Thomas's creation nothing intervened between God and his world [....] The intermediate Universals,— the [[w:Secondary causation|secondary causes]],— vanish as causes; they are, at most, sequences or relations; all merge in one universal act of will; instantaneous, infinite, eternal. * In any case God's act was the union of Mind with Matter by the same act or will which created both. No intermediate cause or condition intervened; no secondary influence had anything whatever to do with the result. [[Time]] had nothing to do with it. '''Every individual that has existed or shall exist was created by the same instantaneous act, for all time.''' "When the question regards the universal agent who produces beings ''and'' time, we cannot consider him as acting ''now'' and ''before'', according to the succession of time." God emanated time, force, matter, mind, as he might emanate gravitation, not as a part of his substance but as an energy of his will, and maintains them in their activity by the same act, not by a new one. Every individual is a part of the direct act, not a secondary outcome. * A [[Catholic Church|Church]] which embraced, with equal sympathy, and within a hundred years, the Virgin, Saint Bernard, [[w:William of Champeaux|William of Champeaux]] and the [[w:School of Saint Victor|School of Saint Victor]], [[w:Peter the Venerable|Peter the Venerable]], Saint Francis of Assisi, [[Saint Dominic]], Saint Thomas Aquinas, and [[Bonaventure|Saint Bonaventure]], was more liberal than any modern state can afford to be. Radical contradictions the State may perhaps tolerate, but never embrace or profess. Such elasticity long ago vanished from human thought. * '''God, as Descartes justly said, we know! but what is man?''' The schools answered:— Man is a rational animal! So was apparently a dog, or a bee, or a beaver, none of which seemed to need churches. Modern science, with infinite effort, has discovered and announced that man is a bewildering complex of energies, which helps little to explain his relations with the ultimate Substance or Energy or Prime Motor whose existence both Science and Schoolmen admit; which Science studies in laboratories and Religion worships in churches. The Man whom God created to fill his Church, must be an energy independent of God; otherwise God filled his own Church with his own energy. * Where, then,— in what mysterious cave outside of creation — could Man, and his [[w:Free will|free-will]], and his private world of responsibilities and duties, lie hidden? Unless Man was a free agent in a world of his own beyond constraint, the Church was a fraud, and it helped little to add that the State was another. If God was the sole and immediate cause and support of everything in his creation, God was also the cause of its defects, and could not,— being Justice and Goodness in essence,—hold Man responsible for his own omissions. Still less could the State or Church do it in his name.{{pb}}Whatever truth lies in the charge that the schools discussed futile questions by faulty methods, one cannot decently deny that in this case the question was practical and the method vital. '''[[Theism|Theist]] or [[atheist]], [[monist]] or [[anarchist]] must all admit that society and science are equally interested with theology in deciding whether the Universe is one or many, a harmony or a discord.''' The Church and State asserted that it was a harmony, and that they were its representatives. They say so still. '''Their claim led to singular but unavoidable conclusions, with which society has struggled for seven hundred years, and is still struggling.''' * Thomas [...] could offer no proof of it, but he could assume as probable a plan of good which became the more perfect for the very reason that it allowed great liberty in detail.{{pb}}One hardly feels Saint Thomas here in all his force. He offers suggestion rather than proof;—apology, the weaker because of obvious effort to apologise, rather than defence, for infinite Goodness, Justice and Power; [...] but at all events society has never done better by way of proving its right to enforce morals, or unity of opinion. Unless it asserts law, it can only assert force. * '''Mankind could not admit an anarchical,— a dual or multiple — universe. The world was there, staring them in the face, with all its chaotic conditions, and society insisted on its Unity in self-defence. Society still insists on treating it as Unity though no longer affecting logic.''' Society insists on its free will, although free will has never been explained to the satisfaction of any but those who much wish to be satisfied, and although the words in any common sense implied not unity but duality in creation. The Church had nothing to do with inventing this riddle,— the oldest that fretted mankind. ** "Affecting": making a pretence of * ... '''either the Universe was One, or it was two, or it was many; either Energy was one, seen only in powers of itself, or it was several; either God was Harmony or he was discord.''' With practical unanimity, mankind rejected the dual or multiple scheme; it insisted on Unity. Thomas took the question as it was given him. The Unity was full of defects; he did not deny them; but he claimed that they might be incidents, and that the admitted Unity might even prove their beneficence. Granting this enormous concession, he still needed a means of bringing into the system one element which vehemently refused to be brought:—that is, Man himself, who insisted that the Universe was a unit, but that he was a universe; that [[Energy]] was one, but that he was another energy; that God was omnipotent but that man was free. The contradiction had always existed, exists still, and always must exist, unless man either admits that he is a machine, or agrees that anarchy and chaos are the habit of nature, and law and order its acident. The agreement may become possible, but it was not possible in the thirteenth century nor is it now. * No one ever seriously affirmed the literal [[Free will|freedom of will]]. '''Absolute [[liberty]] is absence of restraint; [[responsibility]] is restraint; therefore the ideally free individual is responsible only to himself.''' This principle is the philosophical foundation of [[anarchism]], and, for anything that science has yet proved, may be the philosophical foundation of the [[Universe]]; but it is fatal to all society and is especially hostile to the State. Perhaps the Church of the thirteenth century might have found a way to use even this principle for a good purpose; certainly the influence of Saint Bernard was sufficiently unsocial and that of Saint Francis was sufficiently unselfish to conciliate even anarchists of the militant class. * In fact, the Church never admitted free-will, or used the word when it could be avoided. In [[Latin]], the term used was ''liberum arbitrium'',— free choice,— and in [[French language|French]] to this day it remains in strictness ''libre arbitre'' still. From [[Augustine of Hippo|Saint Augustine]] downwards the Church was never so unscientific as to admit of liberty beyond the faculty of choosing between paths, some leading through the Church and some not, but all leading to the next world. * Experience proved that man's power of choice in action was very far from absolute, and logic seemed to require that every choice should have some predetermining cause which decided the will to act. '''Science affirmed that choice was not free,— could not be free,— without abandoning the unity of force and the foundation of law. Society insisted that its choice must be left free, whatever became of science or unity.''' Saint Thomas was required to illustrate the theory of ''liberum arbitrium'' by choosing a path through these difficulies, where path there was obviously none. * With very slight straining of equivalents, Thomas might now be written thus:—{{pb}}By the term God, is meant a [[w:Unmoved mover|Prime Mover]] which supplies all energy to the universe, and acts directly on man as well as on all other creatures, moving him as a mechanical motor might do; but man, being specially provided with an organism more complex than the organisms of other creatures, enjoys an exceptional capacity for reflex action,— a power of reflexion,— which enables him within certain limits to choose between paths; and this singular capacity is called free choice or free-will. Of course, the reflexion is not choice, and though a man's mind reflected as perfectly as the facets of a lighthouse lantern, it would never reach a choice without an energy which impels it to act. [...]{{pb}}The scheme seems to differ little, and unwillingly, from a system of dynamics as modern as the [[w:Dynamo|dynamo]]. * [[Creation]] was not successive; it was one instantaneous thought and act, identical with the will, and was complete and unchangeabble from end to end, including time as one of its functions. Thomas was as clear as possible on that point:—"Supposing God wills anything in effect, he cannot will not to will it, because his will cannot change." '''He wills that some things shall be [[w:Contingency (philosophy)|contingent]] and others necessary, but he wills in the same act that the contingency shall be necessary.''' "They are contingent because God has willed them to be so, and with this object has subjected them to causes which are so." In the same way he wills that his creation shall develop itself in time and space and sequence, but he creates these conditions as well as the events. He creates the whole, in one act, complete, unchangeable, and it is then unfolded like a rolling panorama with its predetermined contingencies.{{pb}}Man's free choice—''liberum arbitrium''—falls easily into place as a predetermined [[Contingency theory|contingency]]. God is the [[w:First cause|First Cause]], and acts in all Secondary Causes directly; but while he acts mechanically on the rest of creation,—as far as is known,—he acts freely at one point, and this free action remains free as far as it extends on that line. Man's freedom derives from this source, but it is simply apparent, as far as he is a cause; it is a [...] Reflex Action of the complicated mirror [...] called Mind, and [...] an illusion arising from the extreme delicacy of the machine. * ... the quality that arouses most surprise in [[w:Thomism|Thomism]] is its astonishingly [[scientific method]]. [...] Avowedly science has aimed at nothing but the reduction of multiplicity to unity, and has excommunicated, as though it were itself a Church, anyone who doubted or disputed its object, its method, or its results. The effort is as evident and quite as laborious in modern science, starting as it does from multiplicity, as in Thomas Aquinas who started from unity, and it is necessarily less successful, for its true aims as far as it is Science and not disguised Religion, were equally attained by reaching infinite complexity; but the assertion or assumption of ultimate unity has characterised the Law of Energy as emphatically as it has characterised the definition of God in Theology. If it is a reproach to Saint Thomas, it is equally a reproach to [[James Clerk Maxwell|Clerk-Maxwell]]. In truth it is what most men admire in both — the power of broad and lofty generalisation. * To religious mystics, whose scepticism concerned chiefly themselves and their own existence, Saint Thomas's Man seemed hardly worth herding, at so much expense and trouble, into a Church where he was not eager to go. True religion felt the nearness of God without caring to see the mechanism. Mystics like Saint Bernard, Saint Francis, Saint Bonaventure or Pascal had a right to make this objection, since they got into the Church, so to speak, by breaking through the windows; but society at large accepted and retains Saint Thomas's Man much as Saint Thomas delivered him to the government; a two-sided being, free or unfree, responsible or irresponsible, an energy or a victim of energy, moved by choice or moved by compulsion, as the interests of society seemed for the moment to need. Certainly Saint Thomas lavished no excess of liberty on the Man he created, but still he was more generous than the State has ever been. Saint Thomas asked little from Man, and gave much; even as much freedom of will as the State gave or now gives; he added immortality hereafter and eternal happiness under reasonable restraints; his God watched over man's temporal welfare far more anxiously than th State has ever done, and assigned him space in the Church which he can never have in the galleries of [[Parliament of the United Kingdom|Parliament]] or [[United States Congress|Congress]]. [...] No statute law ever did as much for Man, and no social reform ever will try to do it; yet Man bitterly complained that he had not his rights, and even in the Church is still complaining, because Saint Thomas set a limit, more or less vague, to what man was obstinate in calling his freedom of will.{{pb}}Thus Saint Thomas completed his work, keeping his converging lines clear and pure throughout, and bringing them together, unbroken, in the curves that gave unity to his plan. His sense of scale and proportion was that of the great architects of his age. One might go on studying it for a life-time. * Strange as it sounds, although Man thought himself hardly treated in respect to freedom, yet, if freedom meant superiority, Man was in action much the superior of God, whose freedom suffered, from Saint Thomas, under restraints that Man never would have tolerated. Saint Thomas did not allow God even an undetermined will; he was pure Act, and as such he could not change. Man alone was, in act, allowed to change direction. What was more curious still, Man might absolutely prove his freedom by refusing to move at all; if he did not like his life, he could stop it, and habitually did so, or acquiesced in its being done for him; while God could not commit suicide or even cease for a single instant his continuous action. If Man had the singular fancy of making himself absurd,— a taste confined to himself but attested by evidence exceedingly strong,— he could be as absurd as he liked; but God could not be absurd. Saint Thomas did not allow the Deity the right to contradict himself, which is one of Man's chief pleasures. While Man enjoyed what was, for his purposes, an unlimited freedom to be wicked,— a privilege which, as both Church and State bitterlly complained and still complain, he has outrageously abused,— God was Goodness and could be nothing else. [...] In one respect, at least, Man's freedom seemed to be not relative but absolute, for his thought was an energy paying no regard to space or time or order or object or sense; but God's thought was his act and will at once; '''speaking correctly, God could not think, he is.''' Saint Thomas would not, or could not, admit that God was Necessity, as Abélard seems to have held, but he refused to tolerate the idea of a divine maniac, free from moral obligation to himself. The atmosphere of Saint Louis surrounds the God of Saint Thomas, and its pure ether shuts out the corruption and pollution to come,— the [[w:House of Valois|Valois]] and [[w:House of Bourbon|Bourbons]], the [[William of Ockham|Occam]]s and [[Thomas Hobbes|Hobbes]]'s, the [[w:Tudor dynasty|Tudors]] and the [[w:House of Medici|Medicis]] of an enlightened Europe. * From that time, the universe has steadily become more complex and less reducible to a central control. With as much obstinacy as though it were human, it has insisted on expanding its parts; with as much elusiveness as though it were feminine, it has evaded the attempt to impose on it a single will. Modern science, like modern art, tends, in practice, to drop the dogma of organic unity. Some of the mediaeval habit of mind survives, but even that is said to be yielding before the daily evidence of increasing and extending complexity. The fault, then, was not in man, if he no longer looked at science or art as an organic whole or as the expression of unity. Unity turned itself into complexity, multiplicity, variety, and even contradiction. * Naturally man tended to lose his sense of scale and relation. A straight line, or a combination of straight lines, may have still a sort of artistic unity, but what can be done in art with a series of negative symbols? Even if the negative were continuous, the artist might express at least a negation; but supposing that [[Omar Khayyám|Omar]]'s kinetic analogy of the ball and the players turned out to be a scientific formula! supposing that the highest scientific authority, in order to obtain any unity at all, had to resort to the middle-ages for an [[w:Maxwell's demon|imaginary demon]] to sort his atoms! how could art deal with such problems, and what wonder that art lost unity with philosophy and science! Art had to be confused in order to express confusion; but perhaps it was truest, so. ** Adams alludes to a well-known passage from the ''[[w:Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyám|Rubaiyat]]'' of Omar Khayyam, in [[Edward FitzGerald (poet)|Edward FitzGerald]]'s translation: **: The Ball no Question makes of Ayes and Noes,<br>But Right and Left as strikes the Player goes;<br>And He that toss'd Thee down into the Field,<br>''He'' knows about it all — H<small>E</small> knows — HE knows! * The pathetic interest of the drama deepens with every new expression, but at least you can learn from it that your parents in the nineteenth century were not to blame for losing the sense of unity in art. As early as the fourteenth century, signs of unsteadiness appeared, and, before the eighteenth century, unity became only a reminiscence. The old habit of centralising a strain at one point, and then dividing and subdividing it, and distributing it on visible lines of support to a visible foundation, disappeared in architecture soon after 1500, but lingered in theology two centuries longer, and even, in very old-fashioned communities, far down to our own time; but its values were forgotten, and it survived chiefly as a stock jest against the clergy. The passage between the two epochs is as beautiful as the [[w:Dying Slave|Slave]] of [[Michelangelo|Michael Angelo]]; but, to feel its beauty, you should see it from above, as it came from its radiant source. '''Truth, indeed, may not exist; science avers it to be only a relation; but what men took for truth stares one everywhere in the eye and begs for sympathy.''' * Granted a Church, Saint Thomas's Church was the most expressive that man has made, and the great gothic Cathedrals were its most complete expression.{{pb}}Perhaps the best proof of it is their apparent instability. Of all the elaborate symbolism which has been suggested for the gothic Cathedral, the most vital and most perfect may be that the slender ''nervure'', the springing motion of the broken arch, the leap downwards of the [[w:Flying buttress|flying buttress]],— the visible effort to throw off a visible strain,— never let us forget that Faith alone supports it, and that, if Faith fails, Heaven is lost. The equilibrium is visibly delicate beyond the line of safety; danger lurks in every stone. The peril of the heavy tower, of the restless vault, of the vagrant buttress; the uncertainty of logic, the inequalities of the [[w:Syllogism|syllogism]], the irregularities of the mental mirror,— all these haunting nightmares of the Church are expressed as strongly by the gothic Cathedral as though it had been the cry of human suffering, and as no emotion had ever been expressed before or is likely to find expression again. The delight of its aspirations is flung up to the sky. The pathos of its self-distrust and anguish of doubt, is buried in the earth as its last secret. '''You can read out of it whatever else pleases your youth and confidence; to me, this is all.''' ** The closing lines of the book. In a letter to [[William James]] (17 February 1908), Adams wrote with customary self-deprecation: "If you will read my ''Chartres'',— the last chapter is the only thing I ever wrote that I almost think good." (J. C. Levinson ''et al.'' eds., ''The Letters of Henry Adams, Volume VI: 1906–1918''. Cambridge, MA: Belknap Press, 1988, p. 121) == External links == * {{Wikipedia-inline}} ** {{Commonscat-inline}} [[Category:Literary works]] 9yud02go0sqbc49aise8mxmh4gtlwzm 0 308090 3949506 2026-06-06T09:28:32Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 Created page with "{{italic title}} '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins|Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins]]''''' is a [[w:2009 in film|2009 film]] directed by [[w:Brian Levant|Brian Levant]], starring Nick Palatas, Robbie Amell, Hayley Kiyoko, Kate Melton and [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of Scooby-Doo. {{center|'''The Greatest Mystery Is How It All Began'''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scoobert "Scooby" Doo}} === * Scooby-Doo..." 3949506 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins|Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins]]''''' is a [[w:2009 in film|2009 film]] directed by [[w:Brian Levant|Brian Levant]], starring Nick Palatas, Robbie Amell, Hayley Kiyoko, Kate Melton and [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of Scooby-Doo. {{center|'''The Greatest Mystery Is How It All Began'''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scoobert "Scooby" Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! * Not roasts Ghosts! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Like that's what Scooby was saying "Not roasts Ghosts!" === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * So, the Bears really slaughtered those Dolphins last night, huh? === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * Mines Blake. === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * My surname It's Dinkley. == Principal Deedle == * It would’ve been all mine, if it weren’t for you meddling kids and your dog! == Dialogue == :'''Fred''': So, the Bears really slaughtered those Dolphins last night, huh? :'''Shaggy''': What? That's terrible! Who in their right mind would bring bears to the beach? == Taglines == * The Greatest Mystery Is How It All Began * From the director of ''[[Beethoven (film)|Beethoven]]'' and ''[[The Flintstones (film)|The Flintstones]]'', learn the Who, What, Where, When and HOWL of Mystery Inc. == Cast == * [[Kate Melton]] as [[Daphne Blake]] * [[Hayley Kiyoko]] as [[Velma Dinkley]] * [[Robbie Amell]] as [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] * [[Nick Palatas]] as [[Shaggy Rogers]] * [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of [[Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]] * Shawn Macdonald as Principal Deedle/Dark Specter * [[Garry Chalk]] as Vice Principal Grimes * Leah James as Prudence Prufrock * Brian Sutton as Ezekiel Gallows * [[C. Ernst Harth]] as Otis the Janitor * [[Lorena Gale]] as Librarian ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2009 films]] [[Category:2000s American films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo films]] [[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] 6hggss9bp22rq3ycnxx3m43wc6g2s8h 3949509 3949506 2026-06-06T09:33:03Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Dialogue */ 3949509 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins|Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins]]''''' is a [[w:2009 in film|2009 film]] directed by [[w:Brian Levant|Brian Levant]], starring Nick Palatas, Robbie Amell, Hayley Kiyoko, Kate Melton and [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of Scooby-Doo. {{center|'''The Greatest Mystery Is How It All Began'''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scoobert "Scooby" Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! * Not roasts Ghosts! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Like that's what Scooby was saying "Not roasts Ghosts!" === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * So, the Bears really slaughtered those Dolphins last night, huh? === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * Mines Blake. === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * My surname It's Dinkley. == Principal Deedle == * It would’ve been all mine, if it weren’t for you meddling kids and your dog! == Dialogue == :'''Fred''': So, the Bears really slaughtered those Dolphins last night, huh? :'''Shaggy''': What? That's terrible! Who in their right mind would bring bears to the beach? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Velma, Fred, Shaggy and Daphne''': Principal Deedle?! == Taglines == * The Greatest Mystery Is How It All Began * From the director of ''[[Beethoven (film)|Beethoven]]'' and ''[[The Flintstones (film)|The Flintstones]]'', learn the Who, What, Where, When and HOWL of Mystery Inc. == Cast == * [[Kate Melton]] as [[Daphne Blake]] * [[Hayley Kiyoko]] as [[Velma Dinkley]] * [[Robbie Amell]] as [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] * [[Nick Palatas]] as [[Shaggy Rogers]] * [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of [[Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]] * Shawn Macdonald as Principal Deedle/Dark Specter * [[Garry Chalk]] as Vice Principal Grimes * Leah James as Prudence Prufrock * Brian Sutton as Ezekiel Gallows * [[C. Ernst Harth]] as Otis the Janitor * [[Lorena Gale]] as Librarian ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2009 films]] [[Category:2000s American films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo films]] [[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] 120ohkxf0yu8v0eorwuija2hl6gs9hm 3949511 3949509 2026-06-06T09:35:08Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 3949511 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins|Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins]]''''' is a [[w:2009 in film|2009 film]] directed by [[w:Brian Levant|Brian Levant]], starring Nick Palatas, Robbie Amell, Hayley Kiyoko, Kate Melton and [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of Scooby-Doo. {{center|'''The Greatest Mystery Is How It All Began.'''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scoobert "Scooby" Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! * Not roasts Ghosts! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Like that's what Scooby was saying "Not roasts Ghosts!" === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * So, the Bears really slaughtered those Dolphins last night, huh? === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * Mines Blake. === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * My surname It's Dinkley. == Principal Deedle == * It would’ve been all mine, if it weren’t for you meddling kids and your dog! == Dialogue == :'''Fred''': So, the Bears really slaughtered those Dolphins last night, huh? :'''Shaggy''': What? That's terrible! Who in their right mind would bring bears to the beach? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Velma, Fred, Shaggy and Daphne''': Principal Deedle?! == Taglines == * The Greatest Mystery Is How It All Began. * From the director of ''[[Beethoven (film)|Beethoven]]'' and ''[[The Flintstones (film)|The Flintstones]]'', learn the Who, What, Where, When and HOWL of Mystery Inc. == Cast == * [[Kate Melton]] as [[Daphne Blake]] * [[Hayley Kiyoko]] as [[Velma Dinkley]] * [[Robbie Amell]] as [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] * [[Nick Palatas]] as [[Shaggy Rogers]] * [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of [[Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]] * Shawn Macdonald as Principal Deedle/Dark Specter * [[Garry Chalk]] as Vice Principal Grimes * Leah James as Prudence Prufrock * Brian Sutton as Ezekiel Gallows * [[C. Ernst Harth]] as Otis the Janitor * [[Lorena Gale]] as Librarian ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2009 films]] [[Category:2000s American films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo films]] [[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] 851eb7znglrtnmridik5i0fbxc18mbo 3949512 3949511 2026-06-06T10:06:35Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* External links */ 3949512 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins|Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins]]''''' is a [[w:2009 in film|2009 film]] directed by [[w:Brian Levant|Brian Levant]], starring Nick Palatas, Robbie Amell, Hayley Kiyoko, Kate Melton and [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of Scooby-Doo. {{center|'''The Greatest Mystery Is How It All Began.'''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scoobert "Scooby" Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! * Not roasts Ghosts! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Like that's what Scooby was saying "Not roasts Ghosts!" === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * So, the Bears really slaughtered those Dolphins last night, huh? === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * Mines Blake. === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * My surname It's Dinkley. == Principal Deedle == * It would’ve been all mine, if it weren’t for you meddling kids and your dog! == Dialogue == :'''Fred''': So, the Bears really slaughtered those Dolphins last night, huh? :'''Shaggy''': What? That's terrible! Who in their right mind would bring bears to the beach? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Velma, Fred, Shaggy and Daphne''': Principal Deedle?! == Taglines == * The Greatest Mystery Is How It All Began. * From the director of ''[[Beethoven (film)|Beethoven]]'' and ''[[The Flintstones (film)|The Flintstones]]'', learn the Who, What, Where, When and HOWL of Mystery Inc. == Cast == * [[Kate Melton]] as [[Daphne Blake]] * [[Hayley Kiyoko]] as [[Velma Dinkley]] * [[Robbie Amell]] as [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] * [[Nick Palatas]] as [[Shaggy Rogers]] * [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of [[Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]] * Shawn Macdonald as Principal Deedle/Dark Specter * [[Garry Chalk]] as Vice Principal Grimes * Leah James as Prudence Prufrock * Brian Sutton as Ezekiel Gallows * [[C. Ernst Harth]] as Otis the Janitor * [[Lorena Gale]] as Librarian ==External links== {{wikipedia}} *{{imdb title|id=1258157|title=Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2009 films]] [[Category:2000s American films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo films]] [[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] dq1imi1g1v8arllnhp6sg74m3ymgycq 3949515 3949512 2026-06-06T10:12:40Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* External links */ 3949515 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins|Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins]]''''' is a [[w:2009 in film|2009 film]] directed by [[w:Brian Levant|Brian Levant]], starring Nick Palatas, Robbie Amell, Hayley Kiyoko, Kate Melton and [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of Scooby-Doo. {{center|'''The Greatest Mystery Is How It All Began.'''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scoobert "Scooby" Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! * Not roasts Ghosts! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Like that's what Scooby was saying "Not roasts Ghosts!" === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * So, the Bears really slaughtered those Dolphins last night, huh? === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * Mines Blake. === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * My surname It's Dinkley. == Principal Deedle == * It would’ve been all mine, if it weren’t for you meddling kids and your dog! == Dialogue == :'''Fred''': So, the Bears really slaughtered those Dolphins last night, huh? :'''Shaggy''': What? That's terrible! Who in their right mind would bring bears to the beach? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Velma, Fred, Shaggy and Daphne''': Principal Deedle?! == Taglines == * The Greatest Mystery Is How It All Began. * From the director of ''[[Beethoven (film)|Beethoven]]'' and ''[[The Flintstones (film)|The Flintstones]]'', learn the Who, What, Where, When and HOWL of Mystery Inc. == Cast == * [[Kate Melton]] as [[Daphne Blake]] * [[Hayley Kiyoko]] as [[Velma Dinkley]] * [[Robbie Amell]] as [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] * [[Nick Palatas]] as [[Shaggy Rogers]] * [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of [[Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]] * Shawn Macdonald as Principal Deedle/Dark Specter * [[Garry Chalk]] as Vice Principal Grimes * Leah James as Prudence Prufrock * Brian Sutton as Ezekiel Gallows * [[C. Ernst Harth]] as Otis the Janitor * [[Lorena Gale]] as Librarian == See Also == * ''[[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]]'', a 2002 film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]]'', the 2004 sequel film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster]]'', a 2010 sequel film also directed by Brian Levant * ''[[Scoob!]]'', 2020 animated reboot film directed by Tony Cervone ==External links== {{wikipedia}} *{{imdb title|id=1258157|title=Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2009 films]] [[Category:2000s American films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo films]] [[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] anf3vdagf1s6c4krpwtbo5rrnou5e3k 3949516 3949515 2026-06-06T10:14:33Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* External links */ 3949516 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins|Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins]]''''' is a [[w:2009 in film|2009 film]] directed by [[w:Brian Levant|Brian Levant]], starring Nick Palatas, Robbie Amell, Hayley Kiyoko, Kate Melton and [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of Scooby-Doo. {{center|'''The Greatest Mystery Is How It All Began.'''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scoobert "Scooby" Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! * Not roasts Ghosts! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Like that's what Scooby was saying "Not roasts Ghosts!" === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * So, the Bears really slaughtered those Dolphins last night, huh? === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * Mines Blake. === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * My surname It's Dinkley. == Principal Deedle == * It would’ve been all mine, if it weren’t for you meddling kids and your dog! == Dialogue == :'''Fred''': So, the Bears really slaughtered those Dolphins last night, huh? :'''Shaggy''': What? That's terrible! Who in their right mind would bring bears to the beach? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Velma, Fred, Shaggy and Daphne''': Principal Deedle?! == Taglines == * The Greatest Mystery Is How It All Began. * From the director of ''[[Beethoven (film)|Beethoven]]'' and ''[[The Flintstones (film)|The Flintstones]]'', learn the Who, What, Where, When and HOWL of Mystery Inc. == Cast == * [[Kate Melton]] as [[Daphne Blake]] * [[Hayley Kiyoko]] as [[Velma Dinkley]] * [[Robbie Amell]] as [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] * [[Nick Palatas]] as [[Shaggy Rogers]] * [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of [[Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]] * Shawn Macdonald as Principal Deedle/Dark Specter * [[Garry Chalk]] as Vice Principal Grimes * Leah James as Prudence Prufrock * Brian Sutton as Ezekiel Gallows * [[C. Ernst Harth]] as Otis the Janitor * [[Lorena Gale]] as Librarian == See Also == * ''[[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]]'', a 2002 film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]]'', the 2004 sequel film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster]]'', a 2010 sequel film also directed by Brian Levant * ''[[Scoob!]]'', 2020 animated reboot film directed by Tony Cervone ==External links== {{wikipedia}} *{{imdb title|id=1258157|title=Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2009 films]] [[Category:2000s American films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo films]] [[Category:Warner Bros. direct-to-video films]] [[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] mss3ct46kji57lxyutb10cqlk872z47 3949519 3949516 2026-06-06T10:17:44Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} */ 3949519 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins|Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins]]''''' is a [[w:2009 in film|2009 film]] directed by [[w:Brian Levant|Brian Levant]], starring Nick Palatas, Robbie Amell, Hayley Kiyoko, Kate Melton and [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of Scooby-Doo. {{center|'''The Greatest Mystery Is How It All Began.'''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scoobert "Scooby" Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! * Not roasts Ghosts! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Like that's what Scooby was saying "Not roasts Ghosts!" * Zoinks! Sorry! === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * So, the Bears really slaughtered those Dolphins last night, huh? === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * Mines Blake. === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * My surname It's Dinkley. == Principal Deedle == * It would’ve been all mine, if it weren’t for you meddling kids and your dog! == Dialogue == :'''Fred''': So, the Bears really slaughtered those Dolphins last night, huh? :'''Shaggy''': What? That's terrible! Who in their right mind would bring bears to the beach? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Velma, Fred, Shaggy and Daphne''': Principal Deedle?! == Taglines == * The Greatest Mystery Is How It All Began. * From the director of ''[[Beethoven (film)|Beethoven]]'' and ''[[The Flintstones (film)|The Flintstones]]'', learn the Who, What, Where, When and HOWL of Mystery Inc. == Cast == * [[Kate Melton]] as [[Daphne Blake]] * [[Hayley Kiyoko]] as [[Velma Dinkley]] * [[Robbie Amell]] as [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] * [[Nick Palatas]] as [[Shaggy Rogers]] * [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of [[Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]] * Shawn Macdonald as Principal Deedle/Dark Specter * [[Garry Chalk]] as Vice Principal Grimes * Leah James as Prudence Prufrock * Brian Sutton as Ezekiel Gallows * [[C. Ernst Harth]] as Otis the Janitor * [[Lorena Gale]] as Librarian == See Also == * ''[[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]]'', a 2002 film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]]'', the 2004 sequel film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster]]'', a 2010 sequel film also directed by Brian Levant * ''[[Scoob!]]'', 2020 animated reboot film directed by Tony Cervone ==External links== {{wikipedia}} *{{imdb title|id=1258157|title=Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2009 films]] [[Category:2000s American films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo films]] [[Category:Warner Bros. direct-to-video films]] [[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] cnscjdk37x59zd246vkwdqgmp3mtais 0 308091 3949507 2026-06-06T09:31:11Z Bszabo15 1085757 Created page with "{{italic title}} '''''{{w|The Sheep Detectives}}''''' is a [[w:2026 in film|2026]] live-action American mystery comedy film about flock of sheep who try to solve the murder of their shepherd. :''Directed by {{w|Kyle Balda}}. Written by {{w|Craig Mazin}}, based on the book ''{{w|Three Bags Full}}'' by {{w|Leonie Swann}}.'' {{center/s}}'''A new breed of mystery.'''{{center/e}} {{film-stub}} == Lily == * Our shepherd was murdered, and we shall solve the crime! * In the nig..." 3949507 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|The Sheep Detectives}}''''' is a [[w:2026 in film|2026]] live-action American mystery comedy film about flock of sheep who try to solve the murder of their shepherd. :''Directed by {{w|Kyle Balda}}. Written by {{w|Craig Mazin}}, based on the book ''{{w|Three Bags Full}}'' by {{w|Leonie Swann}}.'' {{center/s}}'''A new breed of mystery.'''{{center/e}} {{film-stub}} == Lily == * Our shepherd was murdered, and we shall solve the crime! * In the nighttime stories, the people in the will are always the suspects. * Sheep can do things! In fact, we can do anything. == Dialogue == == Cast == * [[Hugh Jackman]] — George Hardy * {{w|Nicholas Braun}} — Tim Derry * {{w|Nicholas Galitzine}} — Elliot Matthews * {{w|Molly Gordon}} — Rebecca Hampstead * [[Hong Chau]] — Beth Pennock * [[Emma Thompson]] — Fabiana * {{w|Tosin Cole}} — Caleb Merrow * {{w|Kobna Holdbrook-Smith}} — Reverend Hillcoate * {{w|Conleth Hill}} — Ham Gilyard * {{w|Mandeep Dhillon}} — Postwoman Jo === Voices === * [[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]] — Lily * {{w|Bryan Cranston}} — Sebastian * {{w|Chris O'Dowd}} — Mopple * {{w|Regina Hall}} — Cloud * [[Patrick Stewart]] — Sir Richfield * [[Bella Ramsey]] — Zora * {{w|Rhys Darby}} — Wool-Eyes * {{w|Brett Goldstein}} — Reggie and Ronnie == External Links == * {{wikipedia-inline}} * {{IMDb title|32565993|The Sheep Detectives}} [[Category:2026 films]] [[Category:2020s British films]] [[Category:Mystery films]] [[Category:Crime thriller films]] [[Category:Crime films]] [[Category:Films based on novels]] [[Category:Films about sheep]] 0btgdw01q7oe9hhla4nqm7n9vqtdcn7 0 308092 3949508 2026-06-06T09:32:27Z Bszabo15 1085757 Created page with "{{italic title}} '''''[[w:Masters of the Universe (2026 film)|Masters of the Universe]]''''' is a [[w:2026 in film|2026]] sword and sorcery film based on the toy line of the same name. It follows Prince Adam as he returns to his home planet, Eternia, to take his destiny as He-Man, and save his home from the evil forces of Skeletor. :''Directed by {{w|Travis Knight}}. Written by [[w:Chris Butler (filmmaker)|Chris Butler]], [[w:Aaron and Adam Nee|Aaron Nee, Adam Nee]] and..." 3949508 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Masters of the Universe (2026 film)|Masters of the Universe]]''''' is a [[w:2026 in film|2026]] sword and sorcery film based on the toy line of the same name. It follows Prince Adam as he returns to his home planet, Eternia, to take his destiny as He-Man, and save his home from the evil forces of Skeletor. :''Directed by {{w|Travis Knight}}. Written by [[w:Chris Butler (filmmaker)|Chris Butler]], [[w:Aaron and Adam Nee|Aaron Nee, Adam Nee]] and {{w|David Callaham}}.'' {{center|'''Legends aren't born, they're forged.''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]}} {{film-stub}} ==Adam Glenn / He-Man== * By the power of Grayskull, ''''''I HAVE THE POWER!!'''''' * All that stuff that exists only in legends and bedtime stories... talking tigers, spaceships and magic swords that can make a man as mighty as a god... where I come from, that stuff is real. * I know it sounds crazy, but that sword is gonna show me the way home. * The time for talk is over. ==Skeletor== * The universe shall quake in my shadow! * I am the villain. And mmm, does it feel good! * They call me a devil, but I mean to be a god! * You may have the power, but you're too scared to use it. ==Dialogue== ==Taglines== * Legends aren't born, they're forged. * Witness how he became He-Man. ==Main cast== * {{w|Nicholas Galitzine}} - [[w:He-Man|Adam Glenn / He-Man]] ** Artie Wilkinson-Hunt {{small|(young)}} * {{w|Camila Mendes}} - [[w:Teela|Teela]] ** Eire Farrell {{small|(young)}} * [[Idris Elba]] - [[w:Man-At-Arms|Duncan / Man-At-Arms]] * [[Jared Leto]] - [[w:Skeletor|Keldor / Skeletor]] * {{w|Alison Brie}} - [[w:Evil-Lyn|Evil-Lyn]] * {{w|James Purefoy}} - [[w:King Randor|King Randor]] * {{w|Charlotte Riley}} - [[w:Queen Marlena|Queen Marlena Glenn]] * {{w| Morena Baccarin}} - [[w:Sorceress of Catle Grayskull|Sorceress of Castle Grayskull]] * {{w|Jóhannes Haukur Jóhannesson}} - [[w:Fisto|Malcolm / Fisto]] * Jon Xue Zhang - [[w:Ram-Man|Ram-Man]] * Sam C. Wilson - [[w:Trap Jaw|Kronis / Trap Jaw]] * Christian Vunipola - Hussein * Christiaan Bettridge - Dian * [[w:James Wilkinson (actor)|James Wilkinson]] - [[w:Mekaneck|Mekaneck]] * Kojo Attah - [[w:Tri-Klops|Tri-Klops]] * Hung Dante Dong - [[w:Karg|Karg]] * James Apps - [[w:Spikor|Spikor]] * {{w|Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson}} - [[w:Goat Man|Goat Man]] * Stephen Adentan - [[w:Moss Man|Moss Man]] * Arun Bassi - Pigboy === Voices === * {{w|Kristen Wiig}} - [[w:Roboto|Roboto]] * {{w|Piotr Michael}} - Eternian ship * {{w|Christopher Ragland}} - [[w:Orko|Orko]] * [[w:Gary Martin (actor)|Gary Martin]] - [[w:Beast Man|Beast Man]] * Tom Wilton - Cringer / Battle Cat ** Fletcher Glenn {{small|(young)}} ==External links== {{wikipedia|Masters of the Universe (2026 film)}} * {{imdb title|id=0427340|title=Masters of the Universe}} [[Category:2026 films]] [[Category:2020s American films]] [[Category:Fantasy films]] [[Category:Action films]] [[Category:Science fiction films]] [[Category:Space adventure films]] [[Category:Superhero films]] [[Category:Films based on toys]] [[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]] [[Category:Films about orphans]] [[Category:Reboot films]] [[Category:Films about witchcraft]] [[Category:Films set on fictional planets]] 7tg0nmujxovnvr379iplsuso59eqkcc 3949510 3949508 2026-06-06T09:33:33Z Bszabo15 1085757 /* Adam Glenn / He-Man */ 3949510 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Masters of the Universe (2026 film)|Masters of the Universe]]''''' is a [[w:2026 in film|2026]] sword and sorcery film based on the toy line of the same name. It follows Prince Adam as he returns to his home planet, Eternia, to take his destiny as He-Man, and save his home from the evil forces of Skeletor. :''Directed by {{w|Travis Knight}}. Written by [[w:Chris Butler (filmmaker)|Chris Butler]], [[w:Aaron and Adam Nee|Aaron Nee, Adam Nee]] and {{w|David Callaham}}.'' {{center|'''Legends aren't born, they're forged.''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]}} {{film-stub}} ==Adam Glenn / He-Man== * By the power of Grayskull, '''''I HAVE THE POWER!!''''' * All that stuff that exists only in legends and bedtime stories... talking tigers, spaceships and magic swords that can make a man as mighty as a god... where I come from, that stuff is real. * I know it sounds crazy, but that sword is gonna show me the way home. * The time for talk is over. ==Skeletor== * The universe shall quake in my shadow! * I am the villain. And mmm, does it feel good! * They call me a devil, but I mean to be a god! * You may have the power, but you're too scared to use it. ==Dialogue== ==Taglines== * Legends aren't born, they're forged. * Witness how he became He-Man. ==Main cast== * {{w|Nicholas Galitzine}} - [[w:He-Man|Adam Glenn / He-Man]] ** Artie Wilkinson-Hunt {{small|(young)}} * {{w|Camila Mendes}} - [[w:Teela|Teela]] ** Eire Farrell {{small|(young)}} * [[Idris Elba]] - [[w:Man-At-Arms|Duncan / Man-At-Arms]] * [[Jared Leto]] - [[w:Skeletor|Keldor / Skeletor]] * {{w|Alison Brie}} - [[w:Evil-Lyn|Evil-Lyn]] * {{w|James Purefoy}} - [[w:King Randor|King Randor]] * {{w|Charlotte Riley}} - [[w:Queen Marlena|Queen Marlena Glenn]] * {{w| Morena Baccarin}} - [[w:Sorceress of Catle Grayskull|Sorceress of Castle Grayskull]] * {{w|Jóhannes Haukur Jóhannesson}} - [[w:Fisto|Malcolm / Fisto]] * Jon Xue Zhang - [[w:Ram-Man|Ram-Man]] * Sam C. Wilson - [[w:Trap Jaw|Kronis / Trap Jaw]] * Christian Vunipola - Hussein * Christiaan Bettridge - Dian * [[w:James Wilkinson (actor)|James Wilkinson]] - [[w:Mekaneck|Mekaneck]] * Kojo Attah - [[w:Tri-Klops|Tri-Klops]] * Hung Dante Dong - [[w:Karg|Karg]] * James Apps - [[w:Spikor|Spikor]] * {{w|Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson}} - [[w:Goat Man|Goat Man]] * Stephen Adentan - [[w:Moss Man|Moss Man]] * Arun Bassi - Pigboy === Voices === * {{w|Kristen Wiig}} - [[w:Roboto|Roboto]] * {{w|Piotr Michael}} - Eternian ship * {{w|Christopher Ragland}} - [[w:Orko|Orko]] * [[w:Gary Martin (actor)|Gary Martin]] - [[w:Beast Man|Beast Man]] * Tom Wilton - Cringer / Battle Cat ** Fletcher Glenn {{small|(young)}} ==External links== {{wikipedia|Masters of the Universe (2026 film)}} * {{imdb title|id=0427340|title=Masters of the Universe}} [[Category:2026 films]] [[Category:2020s American films]] [[Category:Fantasy films]] [[Category:Action films]] [[Category:Science fiction films]] [[Category:Space adventure films]] [[Category:Superhero films]] [[Category:Films based on toys]] [[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]] [[Category:Films about orphans]] [[Category:Reboot films]] [[Category:Films about witchcraft]] [[Category:Films set on fictional planets]] qrcy5fb2c6zecx6d39eeb9mcj3c0i16 0 308093 3949513 2026-06-06T10:06:48Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 Created page with "{{italic title}} '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster|Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster]]''''' is a [[w:2010 in film|2010 film]] and a sequel to [[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins|the 2009 film]]. Directed by [[w:Brian Levant|Brian Levant]], starring Nick Palatas, Robbie Amell, Hayley Kiyoko, Kate Melton and [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of Scooby-Doo. {{center|'''Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads!'''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>..." 3949513 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster|Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster]]''''' is a [[w:2010 in film|2010 film]] and a sequel to [[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins|the 2009 film]]. Directed by [[w:Brian Levant|Brian Levant]], starring Nick Palatas, Robbie Amell, Hayley Kiyoko, Kate Melton and [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of Scooby-Doo. {{center|'''Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads!'''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scoobert "Scooby" Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Like it can't be! === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * What! * I don't wanna hurt you, Velma. === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * It's ''you!'' === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * Get out of me, Wanda Grubwort! == Dialogue == :'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' It's ''you!'' :'''Fred''': ''[shocked]'' What! :'''Shaggy''': ''[shocked]'' Like it can't be! :'''Scooby-Doo''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' Velma?! :'''Velma''': ''[in Wanda Grubwort's voice]'' Oh you fools! I'm ''not'' Velma! ''[kicks Daphne]'' :'''Fred''': Daphne! I don't wanna hurt you, Velma. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wanda Grubwort''': ''[last words]'' No! No! Revenge was in ''my'' grasp, and I would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for ''you'' meddling kids, and ''your'' rotten dog! Oh, no! '''NO!!!''' == Taglines == * Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads! == Cast == * [[Robbie Amell]] as [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] * [[Hayley Kiyoko]] as [[Velma Dinkley]] * [[Kate Melton]] as [[Daphne Blake]] * [[Nick Palatas]] as [[Shaggy Rogers]] * [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of [[Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]] * [[Ted McGinley]] as Thorny Blake V * [[Richard Moll]] as Elmer Uggins * [[Nichelle Nichols]] as Senator * [[Marion Ross]] as Hilda Trowburg * [[Beverly Sanders]] as Wanda Grubwort ==External links== {{wikipedia}} *{{imdb title|id=1618435|title=Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2010 films]] [[Category:2010s American films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo films]] [[Category:American sequel films]] [[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] mxmlb192rc8fx46s981lx6jxnfcmstl 3949514 3949513 2026-06-06T10:10:30Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* External links */ 3949514 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster|Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster]]''''' is a [[w:2010 in film|2010 film]] and a sequel to [[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins|the 2009 film]]. Directed by [[w:Brian Levant|Brian Levant]], starring Nick Palatas, Robbie Amell, Hayley Kiyoko, Kate Melton and [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of Scooby-Doo. {{center|'''Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads!'''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scoobert "Scooby" Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Like it can't be! === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * What! * I don't wanna hurt you, Velma. === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * It's ''you!'' === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * Get out of me, Wanda Grubwort! == Dialogue == :'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' It's ''you!'' :'''Fred''': ''[shocked]'' What! :'''Shaggy''': ''[shocked]'' Like it can't be! :'''Scooby-Doo''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' Velma?! :'''Velma''': ''[in Wanda Grubwort's voice]'' Oh you fools! I'm ''not'' Velma! ''[kicks Daphne]'' :'''Fred''': Daphne! I don't wanna hurt you, Velma. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wanda Grubwort''': ''[last words]'' No! No! Revenge was in ''my'' grasp, and I would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for ''you'' meddling kids, and ''your'' rotten dog! Oh, no! '''NO!!!''' == Taglines == * Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads! == Cast == * [[Robbie Amell]] as [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] * [[Hayley Kiyoko]] as [[Velma Dinkley]] * [[Kate Melton]] as [[Daphne Blake]] * [[Nick Palatas]] as [[Shaggy Rogers]] * [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of [[Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]] * [[Ted McGinley]] as Thorny Blake V * [[Richard Moll]] as Elmer Uggins * [[Nichelle Nichols]] as Senator * [[Marion Ross]] as Hilda Trowburg * [[Beverly Sanders]] as Wanda Grubwort == See Also == * ''[[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]]'', a 2002 film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]]'', the 2004 sequel film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins]]'', a 2009 film also directed by Brian Levant * ''[[Scoob!]]'', 2020 animated reboot film directed by Tony Cervone ==External links== {{wikipedia}} *{{imdb title|id=1618435|title=Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2010 films]] [[Category:2010s American films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo films]] [[Category:American sequel films]] [[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] 9w8adg662c3h3luzz1hwhanldandnjs 3949517 3949514 2026-06-06T10:15:18Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* External links */ 3949517 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster|Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster]]''''' is a [[w:2010 in film|2010 film]] and a sequel to [[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins|the 2009 film]]. Directed by [[w:Brian Levant|Brian Levant]], starring Nick Palatas, Robbie Amell, Hayley Kiyoko, Kate Melton and [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of Scooby-Doo. {{center|'''Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads!'''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scoobert "Scooby" Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Like it can't be! === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * What! * I don't wanna hurt you, Velma. === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * It's ''you!'' === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * Get out of me, Wanda Grubwort! == Dialogue == :'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' It's ''you!'' :'''Fred''': ''[shocked]'' What! :'''Shaggy''': ''[shocked]'' Like it can't be! :'''Scooby-Doo''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' Velma?! :'''Velma''': ''[in Wanda Grubwort's voice]'' Oh you fools! I'm ''not'' Velma! ''[kicks Daphne]'' :'''Fred''': Daphne! I don't wanna hurt you, Velma. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wanda Grubwort''': ''[last words]'' No! No! Revenge was in ''my'' grasp, and I would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for ''you'' meddling kids, and ''your'' rotten dog! Oh, no! '''NO!!!''' == Taglines == * Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads! == Cast == * [[Robbie Amell]] as [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] * [[Hayley Kiyoko]] as [[Velma Dinkley]] * [[Kate Melton]] as [[Daphne Blake]] * [[Nick Palatas]] as [[Shaggy Rogers]] * [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of [[Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]] * [[Ted McGinley]] as Thorny Blake V * [[Richard Moll]] as Elmer Uggins * [[Nichelle Nichols]] as Senator * [[Marion Ross]] as Hilda Trowburg * [[Beverly Sanders]] as Wanda Grubwort == See Also == * ''[[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]]'', a 2002 film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]]'', the 2004 sequel film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins]]'', a 2009 film also directed by Brian Levant * ''[[Scoob!]]'', 2020 animated reboot film directed by Tony Cervone ==External links== {{wikipedia}} *{{imdb title|id=1618435|title=Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2010 films]] [[Category:2010s American films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo films]] [[Category:American sequel films]] [[Category:Warner Bros. direct-to-video films]] [[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] msm8gyic5g093vcmdnl7t8s01pqa8qn 3949520 3949517 2026-06-06T10:21:12Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Cast */ 3949520 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster|Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster]]''''' is a [[w:2010 in film|2010 film]] and a sequel to [[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins|the 2009 film]]. Directed by [[w:Brian Levant|Brian Levant]], starring Nick Palatas, Robbie Amell, Hayley Kiyoko, Kate Melton and [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of Scooby-Doo. {{center|'''Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads!'''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scoobert "Scooby" Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Like it can't be! === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * What! * I don't wanna hurt you, Velma. === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * It's ''you!'' === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * Get out of me, Wanda Grubwort! == Dialogue == :'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' It's ''you!'' :'''Fred''': ''[shocked]'' What! :'''Shaggy''': ''[shocked]'' Like it can't be! :'''Scooby-Doo''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' Velma?! :'''Velma''': ''[in Wanda Grubwort's voice]'' Oh you fools! I'm ''not'' Velma! ''[kicks Daphne]'' :'''Fred''': Daphne! I don't wanna hurt you, Velma. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wanda Grubwort''': ''[last words]'' No! No! Revenge was in ''my'' grasp, and I would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for ''you'' meddling kids, and ''your'' rotten dog! Oh, no! '''NO!!!''' == Taglines == * Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads! == Cast == * [[Robbie Amell]] as [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] * [[Hayley Kiyoko]] as [[Velma Dinkley]] * [[Kate Melton]] as [[Daphne Blake]] * [[Nick Palatas]] as [[Shaggy Rogers]] * [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of [[Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]] * [[Ted McGinley]] as Thorny Blake V * [[Richard Moll]] as Elmer Uggins * [[Nichelle Nichols]] as Senator * [[Marion Ross]] as Hilda Trowburg * [[Beverly Sanders]]<br>[[Hayley Kiyoko]] as Wanda Grubwort == See Also == * ''[[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]]'', a 2002 film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]]'', the 2004 sequel film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins]]'', a 2009 film also directed by Brian Levant * ''[[Scoob!]]'', 2020 animated reboot film directed by Tony Cervone ==External links== {{wikipedia}} *{{imdb title|id=1618435|title=Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2010 films]] [[Category:2010s American films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo films]] [[Category:American sequel films]] [[Category:Warner Bros. direct-to-video films]] [[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] bvafjk8vqa9ohld1tbxryycrh0lkamn 3949521 3949520 2026-06-06T10:23:18Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* External links */ 3949521 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster|Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster]]''''' is a [[w:2010 in film|2010 film]] and a sequel to [[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins|the 2009 film]]. Directed by [[w:Brian Levant|Brian Levant]], starring Nick Palatas, Robbie Amell, Hayley Kiyoko, Kate Melton and [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of Scooby-Doo. {{center|'''Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads!'''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scoobert "Scooby" Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Like it can't be! === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * What! * I don't wanna hurt you, Velma. === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * It's ''you!'' === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * Get out of me, Wanda Grubwort! == Dialogue == :'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' It's ''you!'' :'''Fred''': ''[shocked]'' What! :'''Shaggy''': ''[shocked]'' Like it can't be! :'''Scooby-Doo''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' Velma?! :'''Velma''': ''[in Wanda Grubwort's voice]'' Oh you fools! I'm ''not'' Velma! ''[kicks Daphne]'' :'''Fred''': Daphne! I don't wanna hurt you, Velma. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wanda Grubwort''': ''[last words]'' No! No! Revenge was in ''my'' grasp, and I would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for ''you'' meddling kids, and ''your'' rotten dog! Oh, no! '''NO!!!''' == Taglines == * Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads! == Cast == * [[Robbie Amell]] as [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] * [[Hayley Kiyoko]] as [[Velma Dinkley]] * [[Kate Melton]] as [[Daphne Blake]] * [[Nick Palatas]] as [[Shaggy Rogers]] * [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of [[Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]] * [[Ted McGinley]] as Thorny Blake V * [[Richard Moll]] as Elmer Uggins * [[Nichelle Nichols]] as Senator * [[Marion Ross]] as Hilda Trowburg * [[Beverly Sanders]]<br>[[Hayley Kiyoko]] as Wanda Grubwort == See Also == * ''[[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]]'', a 2002 film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]]'', the 2004 sequel film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins]]'', a 2009 film also directed by Brian Levant * ''[[Scoob!]]'', 2020 animated reboot film directed by Tony Cervone ==External links== {{wikipedia}} *{{imdb title|id=1618435|title=Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2010 films]] [[Category:2010s American films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo films]] [[Category:American romance films]] [[Category:American comedy films]] [[Category:American horror films]] [[Category:American sequel films]] [[Category:Warner Bros. direct-to-video films]] [[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] 6hzekuuc7s6fnqq6vwie6v7jrzpcmjx 3949522 3949521 2026-06-06T10:30:13Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Cast */ 3949522 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster|Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster]]''''' is a [[w:2010 in film|2010 film]] and a sequel to [[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins|the 2009 film]]. Directed by [[w:Brian Levant|Brian Levant]], starring Nick Palatas, Robbie Amell, Hayley Kiyoko, Kate Melton and [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of Scooby-Doo. {{center|'''Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads!'''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scoobert "Scooby" Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Like it can't be! === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * What! * I don't wanna hurt you, Velma. === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * It's ''you!'' === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * Get out of me, Wanda Grubwort! == Dialogue == :'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' It's ''you!'' :'''Fred''': ''[shocked]'' What! :'''Shaggy''': ''[shocked]'' Like it can't be! :'''Scooby-Doo''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' Velma?! :'''Velma''': ''[in Wanda Grubwort's voice]'' Oh you fools! I'm ''not'' Velma! ''[kicks Daphne]'' :'''Fred''': Daphne! I don't wanna hurt you, Velma. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wanda Grubwort''': ''[last words]'' No! No! Revenge was in ''my'' grasp, and I would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for ''you'' meddling kids, and ''your'' rotten dog! Oh, no! '''NO!!!''' == Taglines == * Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads! == Cast == * [[w:Robbie Amell|Robbie Amell]] as [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] * [[w:Hayley Kiyoko|Hayley Kiyoko]] as [[Velma Dinkley]] * [[w:Kate Melton|Kate Melton]] as [[Daphne Blake]] * [[w:Nick Palatas|Nick Palatas]] as [[Shaggy Rogers]] * [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of [[Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]] * [[w:Ted McGinley|Ted McGinley]] as Thorny Blake V * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] as Elmer Uggins * [[Nichelle Nichols]] as Senator * [[w:Marion Ross|Marion Ross]] as Hilda Trowburg * [[w:Beverly Sanders|Beverly Sanders]] (spirit)<br>Hayley Kiyoko as Wanda Grubwort == See Also == * ''[[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]]'', a 2002 film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]]'', the 2004 sequel film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins]]'', a 2009 film also directed by Brian Levant * ''[[Scoob!]]'', 2020 animated reboot film directed by Tony Cervone ==External links== {{wikipedia}} *{{imdb title|id=1618435|title=Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2010 films]] [[Category:2010s American films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo films]] [[Category:American romance films]] [[Category:American comedy films]] [[Category:American horror films]] [[Category:American sequel films]] [[Category:Warner Bros. direct-to-video films]] [[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] rvnbph45ugco7ssae32cd1uhx3q1q0q 3949523 3949522 2026-06-06T10:31:55Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} */ 3949523 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster|Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster]]''''' is a [[w:2010 in film|2010 film]] and a sequel to [[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins|the 2009 film]]. Directed by [[w:Brian Levant|Brian Levant]], starring Nick Palatas, Robbie Amell, Hayley Kiyoko, Kate Melton and [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of Scooby-Doo. {{center|'''Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads!'''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scoobert "Scooby" Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Like it can't be! * Oh great my first love and she was turning into an evil witch. === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * What! * I don't wanna hurt you, Velma. === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * It's ''you!'' === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * Get out of me, Wanda Grubwort! == Dialogue == :'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' It's ''you!'' :'''Fred''': ''[shocked]'' What! :'''Shaggy''': ''[shocked]'' Like it can't be! :'''Scooby-Doo''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' Velma?! :'''Velma''': ''[in Wanda Grubwort's voice]'' Oh you fools! I'm ''not'' Velma! ''[kicks Daphne]'' :'''Fred''': Daphne! I don't wanna hurt you, Velma. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wanda Grubwort''': ''[last words]'' No! No! Revenge was in ''my'' grasp, and I would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for ''you'' meddling kids, and ''your'' rotten dog! Oh, no! '''NO!!!''' == Taglines == * Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads! == Cast == * [[w:Robbie Amell|Robbie Amell]] as [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] * [[w:Hayley Kiyoko|Hayley Kiyoko]] as [[Velma Dinkley]] * [[w:Kate Melton|Kate Melton]] as [[Daphne Blake]] * [[w:Nick Palatas|Nick Palatas]] as [[Shaggy Rogers]] * [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of [[Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]] * [[w:Ted McGinley|Ted McGinley]] as Thorny Blake V * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] as Elmer Uggins * [[Nichelle Nichols]] as Senator * [[w:Marion Ross|Marion Ross]] as Hilda Trowburg * [[w:Beverly Sanders|Beverly Sanders]] (spirit)<br>Hayley Kiyoko as Wanda Grubwort == See Also == * ''[[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]]'', a 2002 film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]]'', the 2004 sequel film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins]]'', a 2009 film also directed by Brian Levant * ''[[Scoob!]]'', 2020 animated reboot film directed by Tony Cervone ==External links== {{wikipedia}} *{{imdb title|id=1618435|title=Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2010 films]] [[Category:2010s American films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo films]] [[Category:American romance films]] [[Category:American comedy films]] [[Category:American horror films]] [[Category:American sequel films]] [[Category:Warner Bros. direct-to-video films]] [[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] suymu66uvqxzro5azvsn3ehg533r3z4 3949524 3949523 2026-06-06T10:33:57Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* Cast */ 3949524 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster|Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster]]''''' is a [[w:2010 in film|2010 film]] and a sequel to [[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins|the 2009 film]]. Directed by [[w:Brian Levant|Brian Levant]], starring Nick Palatas, Robbie Amell, Hayley Kiyoko, Kate Melton and [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of Scooby-Doo. {{center|'''Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads!'''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scoobert "Scooby" Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Like it can't be! * Oh great my first love and she was turning into an evil witch. === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * What! * I don't wanna hurt you, Velma. === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * It's ''you!'' === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * Get out of me, Wanda Grubwort! == Dialogue == :'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' It's ''you!'' :'''Fred''': ''[shocked]'' What! :'''Shaggy''': ''[shocked]'' Like it can't be! :'''Scooby-Doo''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' Velma?! :'''Velma''': ''[in Wanda Grubwort's voice]'' Oh you fools! I'm ''not'' Velma! ''[kicks Daphne]'' :'''Fred''': Daphne! I don't wanna hurt you, Velma. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wanda Grubwort''': ''[last words]'' No! No! Revenge was in ''my'' grasp, and I would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for ''you'' meddling kids, and ''your'' rotten dog! Oh, no! '''NO!!!''' == Taglines == * Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads! == Cast == * [[w:Robbie Amell|Robbie Amell]] as [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] * [[w:Hayley Kiyoko|Hayley Kiyoko]] as [[Velma Dinkley]] * [[w:Kate Melton|Kate Melton]] as [[Daphne Blake]] * [[w:Nick Palatas|Nick Palatas]] as [[Shaggy Rogers]] * [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of [[Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]] * [[w:Ted McGinley|Ted McGinley]] as Thorny Blake V * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] as Elmer Uggins * [[Nichelle Nichols]] as Senator * [[w:Marion Ross|Marion Ross]] as Hilda Trowburg * [[w:Beverly Sanders|Beverly Sanders]] as Wanda Grubwort == See Also == * ''[[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]]'', a 2002 film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]]'', the 2004 sequel film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins]]'', a 2009 film also directed by Brian Levant * ''[[Scoob!]]'', 2020 animated reboot film directed by Tony Cervone ==External links== {{wikipedia}} *{{imdb title|id=1618435|title=Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2010 films]] [[Category:2010s American films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo films]] [[Category:American romance films]] [[Category:American comedy films]] [[Category:American horror films]] [[Category:American sequel films]] [[Category:Warner Bros. direct-to-video films]] [[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] kkfg26iv7k7ak2kdozerippyhvcac4z 3949525 3949524 2026-06-06T10:35:45Z ~2026-33423-32 3337091 /* External links */ 3949525 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster|Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster]]''''' is a [[w:2010 in film|2010 film]] and a sequel to [[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins|the 2009 film]]. Directed by [[w:Brian Levant|Brian Levant]], starring Nick Palatas, Robbie Amell, Hayley Kiyoko, Kate Melton and [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of Scooby-Doo. {{center|'''Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads!'''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} == Mystery Inc. == === {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scoobert "Scooby" Doo}} === * Scooby-Dooby-Doo! === {{w|Norville "Shaggy" Rogers}} === * Like it can't be! * Oh great my first love and she was turning into an evil witch. === {{w|Fred Jones}} === * What! * I don't wanna hurt you, Velma. === {{w|Daphne Blake}} === * It's ''you!'' === {{w|Velma Dinkley}} === * Get out of me, Wanda Grubwort! == Dialogue == :'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' It's ''you!'' :'''Fred''': ''[shocked]'' What! :'''Shaggy''': ''[shocked]'' Like it can't be! :'''Scooby-Doo''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' Velma?! :'''Velma''': ''[in Wanda Grubwort's voice]'' Oh you fools! I'm ''not'' Velma! ''[kicks Daphne]'' :'''Fred''': Daphne! I don't wanna hurt you, Velma. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wanda Grubwort''': ''[last words]'' No! No! Revenge was in ''my'' grasp, and I would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for ''you'' meddling kids, and ''your'' rotten dog! Oh, no! '''NO!!!''' == Taglines == * Ruh-Roh! They're in too deep and way over their heads! == Cast == * [[w:Robbie Amell|Robbie Amell]] as [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]] * [[w:Hayley Kiyoko|Hayley Kiyoko]] as [[Velma Dinkley]] * [[w:Kate Melton|Kate Melton]] as [[Daphne Blake]] * [[w:Nick Palatas|Nick Palatas]] as [[Shaggy Rogers]] * [[Frank Welker]] as the voice of [[Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]] * [[w:Ted McGinley|Ted McGinley]] as Thorny Blake V * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] as Elmer Uggins * [[Nichelle Nichols]] as Senator * [[w:Marion Ross|Marion Ross]] as Hilda Trowburg * [[w:Beverly Sanders|Beverly Sanders]] as Wanda Grubwort == See Also == * ''[[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]]'', a 2002 film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]]'', the 2004 sequel film also directed by Raja Gosnell * ''[[Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins]]'', a 2009 film also directed by Brian Levant * ''[[Scoob!]]'', 2020 animated reboot film directed by Tony Cervone ==External links== {{wikipedia}} *{{imdb title|id=1618435|title=Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster}} {{Scooby-Doo}} [[Category:2010 films]] [[Category:2010s American films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo films]] [[Category:American romance films]] [[Category:American comedy films]] [[Category:American horror films]] [[Category:American sequel films]] [[Category:Films set on lakes]] [[Category:Warner Bros. direct-to-video films]] [[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] ss13suiht848hbqe6e4p641to7chnni 0 308094 3949527 2026-06-06T11:17:16Z Gilldragon 2514030 Created page with "'''[[w:Lukas Teshome Fikre Woldetensae|]]''' (6 June 1972) is a prelate of the Ethiopian Catholic Church who serves as the bishop of the [[w:Ethiopian Catholic Eparchy of Emdeber|Eparchy of Emdeber]]. == Quotes == *For the past two years we have heard nothing but war, destruction and betrayal, and now it is hopeful to learn that the two warring factions are meeting to negotiate peace. We hope and continue to pray that this will happen. We hope that systems will be put..." 3949527 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Lukas Teshome Fikre Woldetensae|Lukas Teshome Fikre Woldetensae]]''' (6 June 1972) is a prelate of the Ethiopian Catholic Church who serves as the bishop of the [[w:Ethiopian Catholic Eparchy of Emdeber|Eparchy of Emdeber]]. == Quotes == *For the past two years we have heard nothing but war, destruction and betrayal, and now it is hopeful to learn that the two warring factions are meeting to negotiate peace. We hope and continue to pray that this will happen. We hope that systems will be put in place to check that the promises and commitments made by the parties are actually being kept. The first positive results are being seen, the humanitarian corridors are open and many organizations are sending their support in convoys. The Catholic Church also makes a contribution in close cooperation with international partners in the country. ** [https://fides.org/en/news/73092-AFRICA_ETHIOPIA_Peace_talks_raise_hope_But_people_are_exhausted_and_need_help Peace talks raise hope: 'But people are exhausted and need help' (25 November 2022) ''Fides News Agency''] *Our social and spiritual fractures heal through prayers, good will, good deeds, love and justice. Above all, we shepherds of the land are more responsible than anyone else before God, who has entrusted us with the life of the land and has asked us to look after his flock. ** [https://fides.org/en/news/74970-AFRICA_ETHIOPIA_Bishop_Fikre_Healing_our_social_and_spiritual_fractures_through_prayer_love_and_justice Bishop Fikre: “Healing our social and spiritual fractures through prayer, love and justice” (8 May 2024) ''Fides News Agency''] == External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Fikre Woldetensae, Lukas Teshome}} [[Category:1972 births]] [[Category:Catholics from Ethiopia]] [[Category:Ethiopian Catholic bishops]] [[Category:Living people]] 2ah9d8b1m67hoxyet607vjx79tzp71n